Chapters Far out in the ocean where the water is as blue as the petals of the finest cornflower and as transparent as the purest glass, within the deepest depths of the sea, there lived a very peculiar pony known to ponykind as seaponies. They are ruled in judicious grace by King Igneous, the most benevolent king to ever live under Equastria’s seas. For many years, he lived in a grand castle in the deepest part of the ocean with his four daughters and lovely wife, Queen Cloudy Quartz. She was a kind mare with bright blue eyes and long blue-gray hair that she wore up in an elegant bun. At times she would journey with her husband to the surface where they would often have trade and diplomatic meetings with the nearby kingdom of Equestria. During one such trip, however, the Queen was killed by a wicked sailor. Angry and heartbroken at the loss of his beloved queen, King Igneous isolated himself in his castle and cursed the land that had stolen his love away from him. All travel and communication between the undersea kingdom of Aquastria and the landponies in Equestria was forbidden, and the once happy kingdom fell into a gray darkness. For many years, almost nopony smiled and laughter was something of a forgotten past that the youngest seaponies had never heard and the oldest ponies could only distantly recall. The King’s daughters especially were very young when the queen died and so were taught for much of their lives to hate landponies and all that they did. They were forbidden to ever go to the surface, lest they be seen by a passing sailor and captured, never to return to the sea again just like their dear, dear mother. Being the obedient children that they were, they obeyed their father without question. All save for one daughter, that is.
The youngest daughter, Pinkamena Diane Pie, was not like her older sisters. While they were calm and docile, completely content with their lives the way they were, Pinkamena, or Pinkie as she was often called, couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to life than the gray, dull existences that the seaponies now lived. As a child, she would often go to see her Nana Pinkie who lived on the outskirts of the kingdom. She would tell her tales of the kingdom before the Queen’s disappearance, when seaponies would often go to the coasts of Equestria and visit the landponies there. She told her of creatures called birds that would sing lovely tunes in the large coral-like plants called trees and how, when the sun set in the sky at night, the sky would be painted with the deepest purples, oranges, and even pinks. The thing she most loved to hear about, however, was the grand parties that would be held to celebrate such small things such as birthdays and even sometimes to welcome a new pony into a town. During such parties there would be music, dancing, games, food, and, best of all, laughter.
Pinkie had never heard laughter before, but her Nana Pinkie told her it was one of the most wonderful sounds in the world. It was the sound of pure joy that ponies made when they were filled to the brim with happiness. Pinkie wanted nothing more than to hear a pony laugh. On the day that her eldest sister Maud was to turn nineteen, she built up the courage to throw something her Nana Pinkie had told her was called a surprise birthday party. While the rest of her family was busy at court, Pinkie snuck away to the castle ballroom. No balls or any other parties of any kind were ever held there anymore, but her Nana Pinkie assured her that at one time parties were held there almost weekly. She looked around the once brightly colored coral pillars and marble dance floor that she had been told had come from the land above long ago. Pinkie could almost feel the happiness this room had once brought to ponies, and despite the fact that the decorations and furnishings had now all turned gray and dull from lack of use, she knew that this room could bring happiness to ponies once again.
She knew her sister was fond of rocks, so Pinkie swam out to the garden and the nearby kelp forest to find rocks of every shape and color one could fathom. There were little blue rocks and big pink rocks, quartz and sandstone, dark black obsidian and the most delicate of crystals. She decorated the ballroom with the rocks, placing them on tables and chairs made of coral and stone. She was even able to convince a local musician to play at the party and the royal chef to cook Maud’s favorite meal. By sunset, everything was ready. She approached her family just as they were closing court for the day with a large smile on her face.
Already her father was suspicious. Although his youngest daughter was the one most prone to foolish flights of fancy and more likely to smile than others in his kingdom, a smile that large was still a very, very rare thing. After all, without the Queen, what was there to smile about? Nothing in his opinion. The sooner Pinkie realized this the better off she would be. She needed to know the truth of life as a dull dreary place full of unhappiness and loss. He and his other daughters followed Pinkie at her behest. As they drew nearer and nearer to the ballroom, he grew more and more worried.
“Oh you guys are gonna love it! I just know it!” Pinkie said as she threw open the doors to the ballroom. “Happy Birthday Maud!” Bright, bold, colorful rocks and lively music filled every corner of the room. A table with every decadent dessert one could think of stood against one the walls. Pinkie stood in the middle of it all, waiting anxiously for her family’s reaction. For a moment, no one did anything but stare, but then her sisters’ lips began to twitch. Pinkie held her breath. The twitching turned into an awkward grimace and might have twitched all the way up into a smile if it was not for her father.
After getting over his initial shock at seeing what was obviously a party (one thrown by his daughter no less!) he immediately narrowed his eyes at the small hopeful seapony before him. “Pinkamena Diane Pie! What is the meaning of this?” he growled. The music stopped abruptly and the musician quietly slunk out a nearby window. He knew this hadn’t been a good idea. Best to duck out now while he still could.
Pinkie flinched at the king’s tone. “It’s a party Daddy.”
“I can see that,” the King said. “What I want to know is why you thought it would be a good idea to throw a party?”
“I thought it would be fun,” Pinkie said softly.
“Fun!” King Igneous shouted. “I knew that those stories mother told you would one day lead to no good. This kingdom and especially this family has no use for fun! Fun is merely used as a foolish distraction from the atrocities of life. It helps nothing. It fixes nothing. It is worthless. Fun leads to smiling and laughter. It makes you think that maybe life isn’t so bad, but we know the truth Pinkamena! Life is nothing but hardship and strife. Everything else is a lie. It is about time you realize that and move on from this foolish fixation you have with happiness. True happiness does not exist in this world!”
Pinkie glared at him. “You were happy when you were with Mom. Nana Pinkie told me! She said she had never seen a happier pony in all her life than when she saw you with her. Can you really tell me that what you felt back then wasn’t true happiness?”
“How dare you bring her into this! I thought I was happy then, true, but whatever I had felt back then was quickly stripped away from me when your mother died. I realized the truth then. It’s about time you did too. You’re sixteen now. You need to grow up and stop living a fantasy.”
Pinkie’s lower lip trembled and she felt her throat tighten. Unable to face her father anymore, she swam out a nearby window. She didn’t know where she was going, but neither did she care. She passed the garden and the kelp forest where she had carefully gathered the rocks for the party. Soon she had gone farther than she ever had before. She didn’t stop until her fin was too tired to move and the night was so deep that the ocean was too dark to see. She lowered herself to the seafloor and huddled into a ball, but she did not cry, for seaponies cannot cry, which makes their suffering all the more unbearable.
Unbeknownst to Pinkie in her state of wretchedness, she had drifted into the territory of the wicked seawitch, Chrysalis. “Well, well, well,” said a voice in the darkness. “What have we here? A dear little party pony with no place to throw a party. How dreadful!” Pinkie sat up with a start and looked about her, but could only see the blackness of night.
“Who’s there?” she asked bravely.
The voice came closer. “A friend. Someone who wants nothing more than to help you. Don’t you want help?”
“Help with what?” Pinkie squinted at the darkness, but could still see nothing.
“Why help getting to the surface world of course! Isn’t that what you want?”
“Why would I want to go to the surface world?”
“Just think of it my dear little seapony. If you lived on the surface, your father would have no control over you. You would be free from this dull, gray prison and be able to throw parties wherever and whenever you like. You may even, dare I even say it, make other ponies laugh. I happen to know that you would do almost anything to hear a pony laugh. Isn’t that right?”
Pinkie’s skin broke out in goosebumps at the voice’s words. “H-how do you know all this? I’ve never told anypony that before.”
“Oh I have my ways,” the voice said dismissively. “The question here is if you want help getting to the surface world or not. The choice is yours my dear.”
Despite her fear, Pinkie thought seriously about what the voice had said. She, for Pinkie was fairly certain the voice was female, was right. Pinkie was tired of being unhappy and sad all the time and of seeing everypony else unhappy too. She wanted to bring joy and laughter into ponies’ lives, and if she couldn’t do it under the sea, then she would go to the surface and do it. “Alright,” she said after a moment. “I want help.”
A bright, eerie green light suddenly lit up the strange clearing she had found herself in. It was filled with the bones of shipwrecked landponies and strange polypes, creatures that were half animal, half plant that reached out and grabbed hungrily at everything that passed by them. Pinkie shivered at the sight. She had no idea she had wandered into such a ghastly place. “Wonderful!” Said the voice and a dark gray seapony with slitted eyes, cobweb like hair, and a long horn swam in front of her. The seapony smiled kindly, showing two rows of sharp fangs.
“Are you,” Pinkie swallowed nervously. “Are you Chrysalis? The seawitch?”
“The one and only,” the witch said. “But don’t worry about all those scary stories you’ve heard about me from your dear old father. None of them are true. He also told you that landponies and parties were bad too, remember? And you know that’s not true! I’m being honest when I say that I only want to help. You want to go to the surface do you not?”
“I do,” Pinkie said hesitantly.
“Then let me help!” insisted Chrysalis. “There is only one way to become a landpony, and that is to convince a landpony to fall in love with you. If you do that, then the power of your love will imbue your body with magic and allow you to stay a landpony for all your days.”
Pinkie’s brows furrowed. “Well how am I supposed to that? All communication between Aquastria and Equestria is forbidden! I would be imprisoned or worse if my father ever caught me speaking to a landpony!”
“Yes, that is true, however I have a spell that will allow you to be a landpony for three days.” Chrysalis’s expression turned serious. “I must warn you, though, that this spell does have certain unpleasant side effects.”
“Side effects?”
“Yes. The spell will split your tail in two and give you two hind legs that you will use to walk on dry land. This process will be very painful for you. It will feel as if a sword has sliced your tail in two. This pain will fade with time, of course, but for the first day especially, it will be almost unbearable. Also, the spell is only one way. It will turn you into a landpony, but you will never be able to be a seapony again. This world and everything in it, will be lost to you forever. At sunset on the third day, if no pony has fallen in love with you, you will die. Are you willing to accept these terms?”
Pinkie blanched. Her tail would be painfully sliced in two? If she didn’t get somepony to fall in love with her in three days she would die? “Those are pretty harsh terms,” she said.
“Sadly these are the only terms I can give to you,” Chrysalis said.
“Then,” Pinkie said after thinking for a moment, “I suppose I agree to them. It’s not like I can stay here. Not after what happened today.”
“Oh good! One more thing,” Chrysalis smiled. “This is a very difficult spell and I am going to need payment for it.”
“Payment? But I thought you wanted to help me?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh I do, my sweet, I do, but all magic comes with a price,” Chrysalis explained. “This is mine. Don’t worry, it’s nothing too big. All I need from you is your voice. Nothing big at all!”
“My voice!” Pinkie screeched. “How is that not a big thing? How am I going to make ponies laugh let alone fall in love with me if I can’t even talk?”
“Oh! Talking is overrated!” Chrysalis said. “People talk down here talk all the time and you never see them smiling and laughing. As for love, well, you’ll have your bright blue eyes and beautiful pink fur. Somepony will fall for you! I wouldn’t worry about it. So do we have a deal?”
“I-I guess so,” she said uncertainly.
“Perfect,” she seawitch purred. Her horn lit with a sickly black-green aura that quickly surrounded Pinkie. A sharp pain, the like of which Pinkie had never felt before pierced her scaly pink fin as her tail split into furry pink hind legs. She tried to scream, but found she couldn’t as Chrysalis had already taken her voice away. Realizing she only had a few moments to reach the surface before her new landpony body would need to breathe, she ignored the pain, and swam with all her might towards the faint glow of the moon above.
The kingdom of Equestria is ruled equally by three distinguished dignitaries. The kind and wise Princess Celestia rules the day. The noble and strict Princess Luna rules the night. And last, but not in any way least, Prince Discord rules over something very peculiar indeed. He rules over chaos. Now, you may think that chaos can’t be ruled over. It is chaos after all – untameable and unpredictable. However, Discord is also a very untamable and unpredictable type of pony. For one thing, he isn’t a pony. He is a legendary draconequus. It is his duty to travel the kingdom, making sure that there is enough chaos in every pony’s life to allow them to grow and learn, but not so much that they became overwhelmed.
The kingdom was not always like this. Indeed, Discord used to be quite a hoof-ful for the two sisters. Although he wanted to do well, he was often bored with his duties, and when Discord got bored he tended to add quite a bit more chaos to the lives of the ponies than was necessary. Most of the time it was small things that, although annoying for the ponies involved, usually didn’t cause any lasting harm. The one exception to that was when he decided it would be fun to convince a certain stallion that he was a bold knight on a quest from the princesses to save a fair mare from a wicked dragon. Unfortunately, the nearest dragon lived in a library and was a much respected citizen of Equestria with nary an unkind word to be said of him. The fool stallion’s addled mind, however, quickly turned this mild mannered dragon into a ferocious, fire-breathing monster who lived not by eating jewels like most dragons, but on ponyflesh! The head librarian, who was a studious no nonsense purple mare that would never dream of being a damsel in distress, suddenly became the fair mare that the dragon had kidnapped. This eventually led to several ponies being injured by the stallion saying they were “cohorts of the monster!” (not to mention the dragon, himself, who had to go to the hospital for severe puncture wounds) and a burned down library.
Although Discord had found this to be extremely entertaining, the other ponies disagreed with him. Not least of whom was Princess Celestia, who was in charge of Discord. “Dealing with chaos is a privilege,” Celestia told him. “You should be grateful I haven’t imprisoned you in stone by now with the way you go about terrorizing ponies! That is not what your position is for! As punishment I am stripping you of your powers and sending you to Ponyshell Island until you learn that ponies are not there merely for you to entertain yourself with. They have emotions and desires that you need to respect.” She forced a magic dampening arm cuff on him that only she could take off and then teleported him to the edge of a very small, very boring island town.
The first thing he had to deal with when he arrived on the island was how he was going to get food. No longer could he simply conjure up food whenever he was hungry. He thought of getting a job, but he soon discovered that that was nearly impossible. Nopony wanted to hire the infamous banished draconquues even if his powers were gone. They didn’t believe that he could be trusted. Discord thought they were probably right. Having a job meant a strict schedule and hard work, and he wasn’t good at either of those things. In order to earn money for food, he had to resort to collecting the pony shaped seashells the Island was famous for and selling them in town. This didn’t earn him much, but it was enough to get by on. Eventually he saved enough to buy a fishing rod and he started selling fish in town too. The fish he caught, however, were always shaped funny for some reason and had a strange smell to them so not many ponies bought them. He didn’t see why not. They might look weird, but they still tasted delicious.
Finding a place to live was also difficult. Although he eventually earned enough money that he could afford rent on a room, nopony wanted to lease one to him. He was forced to live in a cave on a beach outside of town. He didn’t really mind. The cave was dry and cool, and he was away from all those annoying, prejudice ponies. Once a bit of furniture was added to it, it became quite homey, indeed. He could survive a few days here, he thought. At least until Princess Celestia cooled off and allowed him to come back to the castle. She was never one to stay angry long, so he just had to wait until she came to get him.
Days turned into weeks, and Princess Celestia never came. Without his magic Discord became very bored and very frustrated. It was the same thing every day. Wake up. Collect seashells. Fish. Eat. Sleep. It was driving him insane. He was also, although he would never admit it, very lonely. He would go to town once a week to sell his wares and buy groceries, but besides polite business conversation, nopony would ever talk to him. Although he had never really had any friends per se, he at least had the Princesses to talk to. Not to mention, he was starting to get really tired of eating fish. Princess Celestia must have been very angry with him. He needed to find a way to get back into her good graces.
While he pondered all of this sitting on a rock on what he called the front porch of his cave, a very pink pony washed up onto shore. Curious, he walked over to the mare and nudged her with his foot. She didn’t move. Was she dead? He wondered. He reached down and turned her over so that she was facing him and realized she was still breathing, just unconscious. He had never seen her in town. She was so very pink he felt that he would have remembered her if he had. She must have come from far away, Discord reasoned. That island was the only land for hundreds of miles. Not knowing what else to do, he picked her up and brought her into his cave.
To most ponies the marketplace of Ponyshell Island would have seemed mundane and uninteresting, especially when compared to those of the larger cities of Cantorlot and Manehatten, but to Pinkie Pie it was the most fantastic place she had ever seen. Ponies of all colors, shapes, and sizes swarmed the market stalls, which sold everything from apples and bananas to exotic pets. And the smells! Living underwater for all of her life, Pinkie had never had much use for a sense of smell before, but now rich, heady smells both tantalizing and repulsive, bombarded her, making her equal parts dizzy and excited. There was so many things to see and do, Pinkie hardly knew where to start.
“Hmmm...let’s see what sort of stallions we’ve got to choose from here,” Discord said, interrupting Pinkie from her thoughts. Oh right, she thought, refocusing. Must find a stallion. “Anypony catch your eye?” he asked. She frowned a bit looking across the marketplace from Discord’s shoulders. There were many pleasant looking and even downright attractive stallions in the marketplace. In fact, everypony looked so interesting and fun that Pinkie found herself wanting to befriend all of them, but that was the problem. She wasn’t looking for just a friend. She was looking for somepony to fall in love with. How was she supposed to decide which was the right stallion?
“Ooh! What about that one? He looks daring!” Discord pointed to a brown pony wearing an eyepatch. A saber was belted to his waist. Pinkie considered him for a moment, but then shook her head. “Eh, you’re right,” Discord agreed. “Too piratey.”
He brought Pinkie’s attention to another stallion, this one with a tan coat and an hourglass cutie mark. “He looks nice!” Discord exclaimed. As they watched, the smiling stallion trotted up to a grey pegasus and nuzzled her neck intimately. A small grey unicorn filly pranced happily about their feet. Discord’s hopeful countenance immediately fell. “Taken,” he said. “Figures.”
He turned his gaze away to another part of the marketplace. “What about that blue one?” he asked, pointing to a stallion with a blonde mane standing in corner. As Pinkie thought about her answer, the stallion suddenly pulled out a jar of blue jelly and started slathering it on his body. “Er...never mind,” Discord said quickly. “Let’s move on.”
They walked along, Discord occasionally pointing out a pony here and there, but Pinkie didn’t think any of stallions was the right one for her. As Discord pointed out what seemed like the hundredth stallion that day, Pinkie heard a noise, the most strange and beautiful noise she had ever heard before in her life. Wanting to know what could make such a wondrous sound, she slid down Discord’s back, and trotted off towards the noise. “Where are you going?” Discord asked, following her curiously.
The sound led them to a throng of ponies gathered around a stage. For a moment, Pinkie gazed at the crowd in confusion, not understanding what was happening. The sound was coming from the ponies, she realized, but how? And why had she never heard anypony make such a wonderful sound before? Suddenly, she understood. The ponies were laughing . That’s why she had never heard it before! And it was just as her Nana Pinkie had described too! It was like concentrated happiness was bubbling to the surface of everypony and they had no choice but to release it in the form of giggles, chuckles, guffaws, and even chortles. Some ponies were laughing so hard they had to clutch at their sides as if they were trying to keep it from coming out too fast. Others had tears running down their cheeks, and were smiling so much their cheeks hurt. What her Nana Pinkie had not told her, however, was how contagious laughter could be. As she looked about her at all of the smiling ponies, Pinkie felt a warm tingling sensation in her gut that quickly grew and grew until she could no longer contain it. It exploded from her in a fit of silent giggles that had her rolling on the floor with happiness. It was the first time Pinkie had ever laughed, and she had never experienced anything so wonderful in all her life.
Discord watched the pink pony with an amused smile. “Silly pony,” he said. “Do you even know what everypony is laughing at?” She shook her head with a giddy grin, still tittering and snorting to herself even as she answered his question. Discord couldn’t help but chuckle a bit right along with her as he turned her attention to the stage. On the crude wooden structure a yellow stallion with a brown mane that was as curly as her own balanced atop a large colorful ball. His front hooves were a complete blur as he skillfully juggled three rubber chickens whilst still remaining perfectly balanced. Suddenly, Pinkie’s eyes widened in awe as the performer threw all the chickens into the air and did a backwards somersault off the ball landing flawlessly beside it. He then stood there with the widest smile Pinkie had ever seen as the three rubber chickens pummeled his head one by one. The audience broke out into renewed fits of laughter and cheers at this, and the stallion bowed with a flourish. Watching this strange stallion’s antics, Pinkie’s grin grew wider and wider. This was what she had been looking for! This was why she had become a landpony! She didn’t just want to hear a pony laugh, she wanted to make them laugh. She wanted to give ponies so much happiness that they couldn’t contain it all. And as she watched the stallion perform, she realized something else. She was in love.
“Thanks for coming folks! And remember to come to the Summer Sun Festival two nights from now! It’s gonna be cheese-tastic!” the stallion called out as the crowd dispersed after the final act. Standing beside the stage, Pinkie was almost vibrating with excitement. There were so many things she wanted to ask him! How did he make so many ponies laugh? What was his name? Did other ponies do what he did? How long did it take him to learn how to juggle? Where did he get a chicken made of rubber? Were the rubber chickens alive? Did ponies grow them? What was the Summer Sun Festival? Was it like a party?
“Hello there! Did you like the show?” Pinkie froze. She had been so busy thinking of questions, she hadn’t noticed the stallion in question exit the stage. Suddenly he was there before her, in all of his splendid comedic glory. When she didn’t reply, Discord nudged her none too gently with his cloven hoof. Pinkie quickly brought her attention back to the stallion. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to know if you enjoyed the show.”
Pinkie’s face broke out into a huge smile, and she nodded vigorously. The stallion grinned in return, and then turned to Discord. “What about you?”
Discord shrugged. “It was passable,” he stated. Pinkie frowned at him in disapproval.
“Oh don’t worry about him!” said the stallion, seeing her expression. “From Discord, that’s practically a five-star review! The name’s Cheese Sandwich, by the way. What’s yours?”
Pinkie opened her mouth to reply, but then frowned when she realized she couldn’t. “Oh she can’t speak,” Discord explained. “A wild sphinx tore out her vocal cords when she was just a filly, the poor dear!” Her eyes widened a bit at the lie, but she supposed it was better than telling Cheese the truth.
“That’s horrible!” Cheese replied.
“Yes, it was quite the tragedy!” Discord continued. “Even worse, ever since the attack, dear, um…” he glanced down at Pinkie, suddenly realizing that he had no idea what to call her. As he gazed at her bright pink mane, memories came to his mind of lazy mornings before he was banished, lazy mornings spent floating on fluffy, pink cotton candy clouds.
“Candy Clouds?” Cheese Sandwich asked.
“Uh, yes!” Discord said quickly, realizing he had just said the last part of his thought out loud. Well, Candy Clouds is a better name than nothing, he supposed. “Dear Candy Clouds was having a bit of trouble fitting in in her old town, so Princess Celestia sent her here to..er...learn about friendship and stuff. And being the generous soul that I am” - Cheese raised an disbelieving eyebrow at that statement - “I promised to show her around town today. Sadly, however, I just remembered that I have some very pressing engagements today that I just can’t possibly cancel!” He gently pushed Pinkie towards Cheese. “I was thinking, perhaps you could show her around for me?”
Cheese Sandwich’s expression brightened at the suggestion. “I’d love to!” he grinned, turning to Pinkie. “As long as it’s alright with you, Candy.” Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.
“Fantastic!” Discord exclaimed. “I’ll just let you two kids get to it then! Have fun!” He waved to them as he walked away, but they didn’t seem to notice. Not even Pinkie. She was too enthralled by whatever the stallion was saying to even acknowledge the departure of her fellow conspirator. Discord’s raised claw curled into a fist as he turned away from the couple, his face a distinct pout. Ah well, he thought, pretending the slight didn’t bother him. This was the plan after all, and Pinkie, for some reason that was quite beyond Discord’s grasp of understanding, was obviously already smitten with the stallion. It wouldn’t be long before Cheese returned her feelings. Then Celestia, seeing how helpful Discord had been, would return his powers to him and all would be right with the world. Unless... Doubt crept into his mind. Unless something went wrong on their date today. Perhaps it was best if he kept on eye on them, he thought as he snagged a pair of binoculars from a nearby market stall when the vendor wasn’t looking. It couldn’t hurt to be careful.
Cheese Sandwich led her around town, showing her all the best sites on the island, and introducing her to almost everypony. Pinkie couldn’t help but notice how different things were here from Aquastria. Here, almost nopony was sad or even the least bit unhappy. Whenever they did happen to chance upon somepony who looked a bit down in the dumps, Cheese was quick to cheer the mare or stallion up with a gag or joke that always got them laughing until they could no longer remember why they were sad. The cheerfulness of the town was the exact opposite from what she was used to, and Pinkie couldn’t help but be refreshed by it. It was exactly what she had been wanting and searching for for so long. And Cheese Sandwich, well, he was something else entirely. She had never been around anypony like him before. He radiated joy and happiness in every step. Every sound he made caused at least seven ponies around him to laugh. It was if he was born to make ponies happy, and he embraced that destiny with every fiber of his being. Watching how he interacted with the other ponies in the town Pinkie couldn’t help but idolize him. He brought so much happiness to everypony and they all adored him. Would that ever happen to her? she wondered. Would she ever be able to bring as much happiness to ponies as Cheese Sandwich did? Would she ever be that loved?
She was brought out of those thoughts by the sight of a strange pink thing that Cheese held in front of her. “Here!” he said, cheerily. “I thought you might be hungry so I bought you a cupcake!” He lowered his voice to a stage whisper and leaned closer to her ear. “I’m not usually one to brag, but our cupcakes are the best in all of Equestria. Don’t tell anyone though! It’s a secret! Can’t have everypony comin’ here and stealin’ our cupcakes now can we?” Pinkie nodded seriously at him, as if that was the most logical thing in the world, and dutifully zipped her lips with her hoof using an actual zipper. Much to her confusion, however, Cheese immediately unzipped them.
“You don’t have to keep that closed lipped about it now, Candy,” he said. “You’re going to need those to eat your cupcake!” He waved the cupcake in front of her face temptingly. Pinkie wasn’t sure of what to think of the strange confectionery, but Cheese had bought it for her, and she had never been one to turn down a gift. Especially a gift from a handsome stallion that she was currently trying to woo. Not that she had ever tried to woo a stallion before. How does one even go about wooing a stallion? Do you scream ‘woo!’ at him until he decides to love you? Nah, that couldn’t be it. She didn’t even have a voice, so she couldn’t do that. There had to be some other way to...Pinkie stopped that train of thought. Cheese Sandwich was staring at her expectantly with those beautiful seagreen eyes of his. She needed to do something before things got weird. What was he wanting to do again? Oh right. The pink thing, the cupcake, she thought he’d called it. He wanted her to eat it.
The dessert didn’t look particularly tasty, and she doubted it tasted as good as kelp berries (which was by far the best dessert under the sea no matter what Maud said), but if Cheesie said it was good, then it must be good. No ands, ifs, or whaddoyameans about it. Gingerly, she took the dessert from him, stared at it suspiciously for a moment, and then stuck the whole thing in her mouth. It was as if somepony had taken all of the joy in the world and put it in concentrated form in this one tiny dessert, Pinkie thought. Sweet, creamy, spongy goodness sent her tastebuds on a tropical vacation somewhere where there were no worries or cares, just cupcakes and happiness. Drool pooled at the corner of her mouth as her eyes rolled to the back of her head in a sugar-induced state of bliss.
“See? Told ya they were good!” Cheese said with a grin as if Pinkie’s response to the vanilla cupcake was totally reasonable and in no way strange whatsoever. “Want another one?” Pinkie immediately snapped back to reality at his words, and nodded enthusiastically. Cheese chuckled. “Tell you what, why don’t I buy a dozen of them and we can go on a picnic somewhere? It’s almost dinnertime anyway, and what could be any better than cupcakes for dinner? Nothing, that’s what!”
He quickly bought a dozen cupcakes from the vendor, and they trotted off. He led her out of town to a large outcropping of rock overlooking the ocean. “Too bad I didn’t think to bring a blanket up here,” he said, setting the box of cupcakes on the ground. “That would have been much nicer to eat on than this rock.” Pawing at the hard ground with her hoof, Pinkie couldn’t help but agree. Good thing she thought to bring a blanket with her before she and Discord left this morning. While Cheese was busy opening up the box of cupcakes, Pinkie pulled a checkered blanket from her curly mane and laid it neatly on the ground. Cheese handed her a cupcake and after he grabbed himself one, they settled themselves comfortably next to each other on the blanket.
“Wait a second,” Cheese said, his cupcake halfway to his mouth. He looked down. “Where did this blanket come from?”
Pinkie’s eyes widened in panic. She had forgotten that not everypony could pull things out of their mane like she did. She had been doing it for so long that the other seaponies usually ignored her. What if he thought she was weird or something? She didn’t want to scare him off, already. They’d only known each other for a day! Need to think of an excuse, she thought. She looked around and spied a small palm tree. The large green leaves of the palm were just low enough to the ground that a pony could reach it easily. Perfect. She pointed at the palm.
“You found it in the tree?” Cheese asked. At Pinkie’s nod, Cheese stood and walked over to the tree. He stared at it suspiciously for a moment, poked it cautiously with his forehoof, and then his face broke out in a huge grin. “What a fantastic idea! I should totally start hiding party supplies in random places around town. You never know when streamers or balloons could come in handy.” Pinkie gave a relieved sigh as he sat back down.
They sat in companionable silence for a while after that. Pinkie ate her share of the cupcakes heartily, yet quietly, as Cheese stared out at the sea, his cupcake hardly touched. “This is my favorite spot on the whole island,” he said after a while. Surprised by the serious tone in his voice, Pinkie froze, mouth wide open and seconds away from chomping down on her last cupcake. Slowly, she closed her mouth and turned to look at him. “I’ve spent my whole life on this island,” he continued. “I love it with all my heart, but it’s very small. Sometimes I can’t help but feel trapped by it. Ever since I was a colt, I’ve had this dream of travelling the world, throwing parties and making ponies happy wherever I went.” He chuckled softly. “I used to have this friend when I was younger. She wanted to be a world famous fashion designer. We used to say we would travel the world together. She would give ponies makeovers and I would throw them parties. Then once we cheered up everyone in the town that we possibly could, we would ride off into the sunset. We would move onto a new town with new ponies who needed some joy in their lives.” He gave a sad sigh. “She’s long gone now, though. I doubt I’ll ever see her again.” He gave Pinkie a half smile. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this,” he said. “I guess you’re just real easy to talk to.” Pinkie blushed at the compliment.
“Anyway,” he continued, his expression brightening. “That’s why the Summer Sun Festival on Friday is so important! If it goes well, then I can earn up enough bits to get off this island and start journeying around the world.” Suddenly, he turned to Pinkie with an excited grin. “Say! You’re party pony, right Candy? That’s what your balloon cutie mark means?” Pinkie tilted her head in confusion. She had heard of cutie marks before from her Nana Pinkie, but as far as she knew, seaponies didn’t have cutie marks. But then, she wasn’t a seapony anymore, was she? Curious, Pinkie looked back at her flank. Three balloons, two blue and one yellow, stood out starkly against her pink fur. Huh, she thought. Well whadoyaknow? A cutie mark. Wonder how long that’s been there.
“Would you mind helping me out with the festival?” Cheese asked hopefully, causing Pinkie to turn her attention back to him. “There aren’t many party ponies on the island, and I could really use an extra set of hooves.” He was trying to play it cool, just in case she said no, but Pinkie could see the pleading look in his green eyes. He really wanted her help. How could she possibly say no? As soon as her head lowered for a nod, Cheese bounced up in excited leaps and jumps, even going so far as to do a backflip or two, cheering from the top of his lungs. “And you’re from the mainland too!” he squealed. “I bet you’ve been to all sorts of places and learned all kinds of tricks!” Before Pinkie could react, he tackled her in a tight hug, spinning her around and making her giggle. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This is going to be the best festival ever!”
In a tall tree overlooking the entire town, Discord perched on a large branch, gazing through stolen binoculars, the lenses fixated on a certain pink mare. “I’m telling you, Pete, I just want to make sure this date runs smoothly,” Discord told a brightly colored green and blue parrot that was sitting on the smaller branch next to him. The bird gave him a dubious squawk. “I’m serious!” Discord insisted. “I mean, how am I supposed to help Candy if I don’t know how things went on her date? It’s not like she can exactly tell me what happened. Spying is my only option!”
Pete tilted his head and squawked again. “I know she wouldn’t be happy about it. I don’t care! Why should I care? She’s just a pony, after all.” Discord pouted as he fiddled with the focus on his binoculars. “Nothing’s happening anyway. They’ve been together all afternoon and Candy hasn’t made a single move on him. I mean, doesn’t she know anything about seduction? She used to be a seapony for Celestia’s sake! What about all those stories about seaponies seducing sailors to their deaths? Is that not a thing anymore? It should be a thing! Stupid mare!” he grumbled. “Adorableness will only get you so far, you know!” Discord’s eyes suddenly widened as he realized what he just said. He turned to the bird with a glare. “Don’t you dare tell Candy that I called her adorable! She’s gonna be annoying enough to live with as it is. No need to make her think I fancy her or something.” He harrumphed at the very thought and returned to his spying.
“Oh finally some action! A romantic picnic on the hill. That’s the way to do it! You go mare!” After a few moments Discord frowned again. “Never mind, they’re just talking. Come on Candy! Where is the cuddling? You’re on a picnic. You should be cuddling!” With an irritated groan, he put the binoculars down and started massaging his temples.
“This is getting ridiculous,” he said after a moment, turning to Pete. “At this rate she’s never going to get him to fall in love with her on time!” Pete merely lifted a wing and preened his feathers in response. “You’re right!” stated Discord. “I should help her! I might not know much about love, but I do know about seduction! By tomorrow morning, she’ll be a veritable changeling!” He grinned happily at his decision as he returned to his spying, only to frown and mutter a curse when he realized that the two ponies were no longer where he saw them last. “Where did they go?” he said to himself contemplatively. To his side, Pete gave an alarmed squawk and flew hurriedly away. Discord turned to him with a confused look. “What got into him?” he wondered aloud.
Next to him, Pinkie shrugged, making Discord nearly jump out of his skin at the sudden sight of her. Although he did not succeed in jumping out of his skin, he did manage to fall off of the branch he had been sitting on. He landed face first on the ground far below, but not before hitting several branches on the way down.
“Heflo canfdy,” Discord greeted, his voice partially muffled by the ground. “Did yfoiu hafe a nice bate?” Pinkie giggled.
Half an hour later, Pinkie sat across from Discord on the floor of the cave. As he nursed his throbbing head with a bag of ice, he tried to instruct her on the subtle and ancient art of seduction. “Now if you want a pony to fall in love with you, you need to make sure you’re giving the right body cues,” he told her. “This is especially important for you, since, you know, you can’t talk and just tell Chester or whatever his name is that you want to marry him and have his foals.” Pinkie blushed at that last comment, but Discord didn’t seem to notice or care.
He continued, “You have to make sure he knows you’re interested. One way of doing this is to constantly be near him. If he is going to go do something, offer to follow him. If he is sitting or standing in a particular area, sit or stand as close to him as possible. This will let him know that you want to be near him. Stallions have huge egos. Make him feel witty by laughing at every stupid joke he tells, even if it isn’t funny. You shouldn’t have too much trouble with that one, my dear. ” He gave her head a patronizing pat. “You laugh at practically everything anyway.” Pinkie merely grinned at what she took to be a great compliment. She had only just learned how to laugh, and she was already practically an expert on it!
“Now this part,” Discord continued, bending down to her level so he could look at her directly in the eye. “This part is the most important! When the time is right, (and you’ll be able to tell, trust me) look up at him through those long black eyelashes of yours, lick your lips, pucker them slightly, just enough so that his gaze is drawn to them.” Discord, still wearing the overly large bag of ice on his head, puckered his lips exaggeratedly, slowly fluttered his eyelashes, while folding his claws outstretched to the side in a look of complete adoration. Pinkie stifled a snicker at the complete ridiculousness of it. “Like this!” he said. “And then lean into him for a deep passionate kiss.” Leaning into Pinkie, he made kissing noises right in her face, making her really giggle this time. He grinned. It was nice to have somepony else laugh at his antics again. “If you do this, I promise he’ll be in love with you by midnight tomorrow!”
He straightened and positioned himself so that Pinkie was right in front of him. “Alright, now it’s your turn to try! I want you to pretend that I’m Cheddar Sauce and you’ve been following me around all day, laughing at my terrible jokes, and everything, and now you want to kiss me. What do you do?” Pinkie gulped nervously. She wasn’t used to being this forward, but she supposed she would have to get used to it if she wanted to get Cheese Sandwich to fall in love with her on time. Discord made this very clear to her on their way home. Cheese Sandwich was not the type of pony to make the first move. She would have to be the one to do it.
This was just practice, after all, she reminded herself. And Discord wasn’t even a pony! She could do this. Even as she thought this, however, she couldn’t help but notice her heart doing an odd fluttery thing at the sight of Discord waiting for her to begin. Taking a deep breath, she leaned into him, puckered up her lips and -
“Woah! Woah! Woah!” Discord nearly shouted, stopping her with his claw in her face. “You can’t just go straight in for the kiss! What did I tell you? You have to work up to it! Understand?” Pinkie nodded, and he lowered his claw. “Alright. Now let’s try this again.” Pinkie hesitated for a moment, as she tried to remember all of the thing’s Discord had told her. Trembling ever so slightly with nerves, she stepped nearer to him, looking up at him innocently with her eyes.
Staring into those orbs of bluest blue, Discord felt his heart do the most peculiar thing; it began to speed up. He ignored it, chalking it up to a delayed side effect of falling out of the tree earlier. Yeah, that had to be it, he thought. As he tried to sort his thoughts, Pinkie licked her lips, making them glisten with moisture as she puckered them just enough to make them look full, pouty, and although Discord would never admit it, utterly kissable. Despite the ice pack on his head, he felt unusually warm as she leaned into him and closed her eyes. Just before her lips reached him, he quickly slid out of the way, causing Pinkie to lean too far and fall flat on her face.
“Ah..um...er, g-good job, Candy,” he stammered, flustered. Pinkie lifted herself off the floor and frowned at him, confused by his reaction. “That was...um...passable,” he said lamely, trying to recover himself. “Not good enough to seduce somepony of my caliber, of course!” he insisted, just a tad bit too forcefully. “But for curlytop, it’ll be just fine!” An uncomfortable silence followed as Pinkie looked at Discord, and Discord looked at everything but Pinkie. “Yes, well,” he said finally with an awkward cough. “Time for bed, there’s some blankets in the cupboard, you can sleep on the couch.” He gestured vaguely where the gaudy couch and wooden cupboard were, as he turned and walked towards his bed in the opposite direction. “Don’t bother me until at least noon tomorrow! I like to sleep in.”
Pinkie watched him until he reached his bed, wondering why he was acting so strange. He said she was passable, so she doubted the experience could have been that bad for him. What was he freaking out about? Not able to think of an answer to her query, she shrugged it off and went to find some blankets. As for Discord, he simply pulled his garish orange and purple blanket over his head and tried to not think about the pink pony on the other side of the cavern.
Hours later, Pinkie stared at the ceiling wide awake, unable to sleep. She had tried very, very hard, but it seemed as if the harder she tried, the more sleep eluded her. She sighed. She knew exactly why she couldn’t sleep. Since she was a little seafilly, Pinkie had always hated sleeping alone. She hated the echoing silence and the inky blackness of night. Aquastria may have been gloomy during the day, but at night it was absolutely miserable. Pinkie couldn’t stand the suffocating silent sadness the night bestowed upon the kingdom, so every night she crawled into bed with her big sister sister Maud. Maud, although seemingly cold and terse to most seaponies, was actually the sweetest, kindest seapony she had ever known. She always knew just what to say to comfort Pinkie, or when it was best to not say anything at all and just give Pinkie a hug. Tonight, alone in a world she didn’t understand, Pinkie really missed her sister. She looked over at Discord’s bed where he was sleeping peacefully. Maybe he wouldn’t mind if…
Discord had just fallen asleep when he felt eyes on him. Not literally, of course. That would be ridiculous. Unless they were his own eyes. That would be hilarious. But alas! He was still powerless, and unable to take his eyeballs out without excruciating amounts of pain. He knew. He tried. No, what he felt had been somepony’s eyes metaphorically on him. He knew exactly to whom those eyes belonged to too, and it was the last pony he wanted to see at the moment. He tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but the feeling scratched and hissed at him until he couldn’t help but look around. A small pink earth pony stared up at him with big, adorable blue eyes.
“What is it Candy? I’m trying to sleep!” Discord spat, ignoring the sudden feeling of embarrassment the sight of the pony evoked. Pinkie replied by making her eyes larger and more watery. She pawed at the bed, pleadingly. “What? No! You can’t sleep with me!” he nearly shouted. “I forbid it! You just run along back to your little couch.”
Pinkie’s lower lip quivered. “I said no!” Discord insisted. Somehow, Pinkie made her eyes look even more pathetic. Discord groaned. He was so going to regret this. “Fine. You can sleep with me. But you are to sleep at the foot of the bed and stay there! Understand?” Immediately, Pinkie’s face broke into a huge grin, all trace of unhappiness gone as she jumped up onto the bed. Discord watched as she nestled into the blankets at the foot of the bed. She yawned sleepily. Satisfied that she was going to do as she was told, Discord gruffly turned away from her and tried to go back to sleep.
However, after only a few moments, he felt something fluffy wiggle into the covers next to him. “Candy, I thought I told you to –“ Pinkie snuggled in closer to him and heaved a relieved sigh, closing her eyes and smiling happily. Discord blinked once, stunned into silence by the unexpected onslaught of cute, and then let out an exasperated sigh. “I give up.” He put an arm around her and held her like a plushie. “Just don’t get used to this. This isn’t going to become a thing. Tomorrow you sleep on the couch!” Pinkie giggled silently, just happy to no longer be alone.
Although he would never admit it, Discord thought it felt kind of nice holding her like this. She was soft, warm, and for some odd reason smelled like a royal Canterlot bakery. It made him think of his childhood growing up in the castle with Tia and Lulu, so very long ago. He had always loved sweets, and Celestia had a soft spot for cake as a filly, so the trio spent a great deal of time in the royal bakery, pulling pranks and making general nuisances of themselves. At times, a prank Discord would pull would go too far, but a simple slice of cake to Tia or a box of chocolates to Lulu always seemed to fix the problem. It was a simpler time, when none of them had been bound by the tight regulations and guidelines that being the rulers of a whole country of ponies required of them. After Celestia and Luna became the ruling Princesses, they became more and more serious and orderly, while Discord became more and more chaotic. Although Discord did not regret any of the things he had done, he sometimes wished they could go back to that time where a simple dessert could solve every disagreement and hurt feeling. Holding Pinkie tightly in his arms, breathing in her sweet scent, he felt his body relax as he thought of delectable fine chocolates, cupcakes covered in buttercream frosting, and the laughter of three little foals. Eventually, both he and Pinkie drifted off into a deep sleep.
Pinkie awoke that morning to discover that Discord was a bit of a bed hog. His habit of sprawling across the majority of the bed wasn’t necessarily a problem for Pinkie, since she was small and didn’t need much space. The large and heavy lion arm welding her down to the bed, however, was a problem. At some point in the night, Discord had rolled onto his stomach, entrapping her under his outstretched left arm. Very carefully, so as not to wake the draconequus, she attempted to wriggle out of his grasp. The moment she moved, however, Discord stirred, mumbled something incoherent, and clutched her tighter to his side. Pinkie frowned. As much as she enjoyed cuddling, she did really need to get up so she could meet up with Cheesie. She had promised to meet up with him that morning and she was kind of hoping for some breakfast before she left. Being stuck in bed underneath Discord’s arm was not part of the plan. After a bit of thought, she pulled a large pink plush of herself from her mane. She wasn’t entirely sure why there was a stuffed plush of herself in her mane or how exactly she knew it was there, but she had learned not to question these things too much. Sometimes things just appeared when she needed them.
Very carefully, she gently coaxed the plush into Discord’s arms while at the same time wriggling herself out of his grasp. There was a tense moment where Discord jerked and grumbled something about chocolate cake just as Pinkie slipped out of the bed, but he quickly settled back down again, clutching the decoy plush with a smile on his face. Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief. After a quick breakfast of a couple of bananas from Discord’s cupboard, Pinkie made her way to town.
It didn’t take long for her to find Cheese Sandwich. He was wearing a bright yellow hard hat over his curly mane, overseeing a group of builders on the erection huge wooden stage. He turned towards her as she neared and smiled. “Hey, Candy! You’re just in time! Come with me,” he ordered, trotting off in the opposite direction from the stage.”We’ve got tons to do!” Pinkie followed without hesitation.
They spent the entire day going from booth to booth, checking on all of the various decorations, games, and treats that each booth exhibited. There was the animal balloon booth, the caramel apple booth, the horseshoe toss booth, and even a fried seaweed booth that sported a myriad of exotic flavors such as nacho cheese and jalapeño pepper. Each booth was more fantastic and amazing than the last, showing off the talents of practically every pony on the island. Everything was so wonderful that Pinkie could hardly contain her excitement. At least, that would be the case, if she wasn’t so preoccupied with seducing the handsome and completely clueless stallion next to her.
“You only have two flavors offered for the funnel cakes?” Cheese Sandwich asked a particularly grumpy looking pony. The stallion carny glared at Cheese with demon-like red eyes under large bushy black eyebrows.
“Is there something wrong with having only two flavors?” he challenged.
“Of course there is!” Cheese exclaimed. “Ponies need variety! You should have at least ten!”
“Ten! That’s ridiculous!”
As they argued, Pinkie tried to remember all the things Discord had taught her last night. They had been so busy that morning that half the day had already passed without her realizing it. She needed to getting movin’ on the woovin’ (Woovin’! Teehee!) if she was going to get anything accomplished before the day ended. As she thought, a vision of Discord’s face entered her mind’s eye. “You need to be constantly near him,” she remember him saying. “Be as close to him as possible.” She glanced over at the still arguing Cheese, and surreptitiously sidled up a bit closer to him. He didn’t even notice. She moved closer. Still no response. Gathering her courage, she moved so close to him that their coats were almost, but not quite touching. No reaction whatsoever came forth from the yellow stallion. She frowned.
“Ten flavors!”
“Two!”
“Ten!”
“Two!”
“Two!”
“Ten!”
“Oh okay. If you insist, ten flavors it is then!” Cheese said with a grin. The other stallion looked pleased for a moment, until he realized what Cheese had just said.
“Hey, wait a sec-”
“On to the next booth, Candy!” Cheese interrupted, quickly turning away from the angry stallion and trotting towards the next booth. He didn’t looked at Pinkie even once. Undeterred, Pinkie decided she needed to move onto the next step. Obviously, this one wasn’t going to get her anywhere.
Now what was it again? Pinkie wondered as she followed Cheese to another booth. This one seemed to be for some kind of archery game, but Pinkie was thinking so hard that she didn’t pay it much attention to it. Oh yeah! she thought, suddenly remembering the next thing Discord told her to do; laugh at everything he says. That should be easy peasy seaweed squeezy! Laughing was the easiest and most fantastic thing ever, after all!
“You’ve had how many deaths with this game?” Cheese said incredulously, startling Pinkie from her thoughts.
“Well, we don’t really keep track of the exact number but it’s definitely under a hundred,” the red-coated stallion behind the game booth replied cheerfully.
“Definitely under a hundred?” Cheese repeated, horrified.
“Always with a smile on their faces too!” the pony continued with a grin. “In fact, that’s our motto! Fun to die for! We promise you’ll have fun or die tryin’!”
“Well, as, um, ‘fun’ as this game sounds, I don’t really think this is the right kind of game for this particular shindig,” Cheese said. “We need something a bit more family friendly, and less deadly. Right Candy?” He turned to Pinkie who merely smiled and giggled at him. For a moment Cheese just stared at her with a raised eyebrow, confused by her reply, but then he turned back to the carny and his face morphed into friendly mode once more. “You can take that as a yes,” he told the stallion. “Maybe try doing a nice, safe ring toss game instead.” Pink laughed again at the suggestion. The stallions ignored her.
“Well,” the carny grumbled. “This game is more exciting, but I guess you’re right. Ring toss it is then.”
“Great!” As the carny stared at his archery supplies despondently, Cheese checked the time on his wristwatch. He whistled. “Lunchtime already? Well, I guess it’s time for a break.” He turned to Pinkie. “Wanna get lunch together Candy? I’ll pay.” She nodded enthusiastically. “Great! I know the perfect place!”
He led her to a small outdoor cafe on the edge of town. The restaurant was very quaint, with small, circular white tables and a sky blue awning that protected the customers from both rain and sun. A dark blue unicorn with a silver mane greeted the pair upon their arrival and showed them to a table. Pinkie beamed. Finally, things seemed to be going the way they were supposed to! Obviously, Discord’s tips must be working if Cheese had already asked her out to lunch. Now all she had to do was get him to kiss her. Surely, after they shared something so deeply romantic as that, there was no way he wouldn’t fall in love with her! She just had to make sure it was the right moment.
The moment came after they had finished eating and were making their way back to the fair preparations. All through lunch, Pinkie had been sure to laugh at everything he said, even if she didn’t find it particularly funny. Sometimes Cheese would give her a cute little confused look when she laughed, but he seemed more amused than anything. Now, Pinkie felt like it was time she made her move. They were halfway back to the fairgrounds, in a darker, less crowded part of the village. If she didn’t do it now, she didn’t know if she’d get another chance before her three days were up. Cheese was telling her a joke about flapjacks when Pinkie stopped walking.
“And then he said, ‘What the hay did Jack ever do to you?’” Cheese laughed, turning to find that Pinkie was now several steps behind him. He stared back at her curiously. “What’s up Candy?” he asked, backtracking until he was next to her.
Here goes everything, Pinkie thought. Ducking her head a little, she stared up at Cheese with half-lidded eyes and licked her lips. Cheese responded by raising a confused eyebrow. “Are you feeling alright, Candy?” he said. “You’ve been acting a bit...strange today. And coming from me that’s sayin’ something.”
Pinkie nodded coyly in reply. As she leaned towards him and pursed her lips, Cheese nervously leaned away from her. “Well if you’re sure you’re fine, then we better hurry back,” he said, his normally sure voice quivering slightly as a faint sheen of sweat shined on his yellow coat. He quickly cantered to the side and out of Pinkie’s reach. “Lots of work still to do, you know.” He gave a weak chuckle and trotted down the street, leaving Pinkie no choice but to follow sullenly behind him.
When they reached the fairgrounds, Cheese sent her to work on decorations while he left to help put on the final touches on the stage. To be honest, Pinkie did not put her whole, one hundred percent effort into blowing up balloons and hanging up crepe paper. Mostly she pouted. Granted, she was fairly justified in this. She knew she had somehow botched the whole seduction scheme she had been working at with Cheese, although she was not completely sure how. Rejection hurt. Her chest felt heavy and her hair wasn’t quite as poofy as usual. A part of her hoped that she was wrong and Cheese actually did like her. Perhaps he was just shy about these sorts of things and didn’t know how to react to her forwardness. Another, larger part of herself told the other part to stop being stupid. Instead of keeping her near him, she had shoved her into this little corner of the fairgrounds as far away from him as he possibly could without being rude. If that didn’t say, “You trying to kiss me was terribly awkward and please do not try it again, ‘cause I don’t really like you like that. We should really just be friends because friends are good and all that stuff,” she didn’t know what did! Of course Cheese wasn’t interested in her. He was handsome, funny, and adventurous. She couldn’t even talk! Talking was her best feature! How was supposed to catch someone like Cheese if she couldn’t even do something as simple as tell a joke?
Frustrated, she blew up a balloon she was working on a little too much. It popped with a loud bang making her and everyone around her jump in fright. She smiled apologetically at the other decorators’ disapproving faces, and threw the mutilated balloon into the trash. Sitting by herself while the other ponies worked and gossiped happily around her, Pinkie, for perhaps what was the first time since arriving to the island, really and truly missed her home under the sea.
After all of the decorations had been put up and Pinkie had had some time to calm down and reevaluate her situation, she decided it was time she headed on back to the cave. There was only one day left of the spell, and Pinkie really doubted that that was enough time to get anypony to fall in love with her. Even if she could somehow get another pony to fall madly in love with her in only a day, if it wasn’t Cheese, she wasn’t sure if she wanted it to happen. He was perfect! She just didn’t think anypony else could compare. With a sigh, she made her way to the mostly finished wooden stage in the middle of town. Although he had made it pretty clear that he had no interest in her, Cheese was still her friend, and Pinkie wanted to say good-bye.
Cheese stood beside the stage in his bright yellow hard hat, eyes glued to a blueprint of the stage before him. His pink tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth as he double checked the plans and compared it with the almost complete structure. For a moment, Pinkie just watched him, but steeling her courage, she forced a smile on her face and a bounce in her step as she approached him. If Cheese noticed the slightly deflated appearance of Pinkie’s hair or the lack of sincerity in her smile, he didn’t show it. In fact, once he realized she was there, he looked up from the blueprints and broke out into a large grin as if nothing had changed between them at all. Perhaps for him, it hadn’t, Pinkie thought. He wasn’t the one who had his heart broken after all. She pushed those unpleasant feelings aside. They weren’t important. It’s not like he chose to not feel that way about her. Sometimes these things happened. It wasn’t like he knew that he was ruining any chance of happiness she had by dooming her to an untimely death or anything like that. After a moment, she pushed that thought aside too.
“Are all the decorations put up already?” Cheese asked. “Wowie zowie! That was fast!” Looking around the town at all of the mostly complete preparations he said, “I don’t think there’s much else to do, but I really do appreciate all your help today. It’s really nice to have the opinion of another party pony.” He gave her a grateful smile, and then suddenly jumped up with a look of panic on his face. “I almost forgot!” he shouted. “Wait here! I’ll be back.” He zoomed away only to reappear a moment later with a small wooden box.
“I wanted to give you something,” Cheese announced as he opened the box and pulled out a rubber chicken. He tossed it to Pinkie who sat back on her rump and caught it in her forelegs. “His name is boneless. He was the first rubber chicken I ever got and is what inspired me to be a party pony to begin with. You’ve been so supportive and helpful these last couple of days, I feel like you deserve to have him.”
Pinkie beamed. Cheesie was giving her a present? Maybe he really did care about her. Maybe there was hope after all! Her hair poofed up as she pounced the yellow stallion in a bone crushing hug.
Inside his cave, Discord was pouting. Not that he would admit it if a pony happened to rudely point it out to him. Nevertheless, it was, in fact, true. He had woken that morning feeling more well rested than he had in ages. For a moment, when he opened his eyes to find not Pinkie herself, but a stuffed version of her in his arms, he had panicked thinking that he had somehow gotten his powers back and turned her into a toy during the night. The panic quickly turned to glee at having his powers back, and then, just as quickly, turned to disappointment when he tried to turn her back and realized that, no , his powers had not been miraculously restored. Annoyed, he threw the plush on bed and looked for something to eat for breakfast. He opened up his cupboard only to find that there was not any food left save for a black banana that was too far gone for even him to eat without a troubling tummyache. Moodily, he fingered the magic-inhibiting arm cuff Celestia had strapped onto him. If it wasn’t for that stupid thing, he would be able to conjure up as much food as he could possibly want. Not only that, but Pinkie would be able to stay a landpony without having to seduce anypony. All of his problems could be solved if he only had his powers back. Couldn’t Celestia see that? Why didn’t she intervene? He knew she was watching him. At least, he hoped she was. Otherwise, all this nonsense with Pinkie was completely worthless.
With a sigh he lounged dejectedly on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. For some unfathomable reason, the cave seemed especially dull and lonely that day. He thought briefly of spying on Pinkie’s date to see how his suggestions went, but for some reason, watching Pinkie flirt and kiss with that stallion didn’t seem as appealing as it did the day before. He wasn’t jealous or anything, he staunchly told himself. He just didn’t like that Cheddar whatever pony. Pinkie could do way better than that sorry excuse for a jester! She needed someone with style and sophistication. Someone who made her sides burst with laughter, and would willingly mold the world to suit her every whim. Someone who was, well, not Cheese Sandwich . If only there was a way to save Pinkie’s life without having to have anypony fall in love with her. That would be the best thing to do. To tell the truth, the whole true love’s cure thing was so cliche and unchaotic, it gave Disord a headache just thinking about it. There had to be some way around it. A loophole or something.
“That’s it!” Discord shouted, suddenly rising. “I know exactly who I can ask for help!” He chuckled gleefully and then ran off to the local post office.
“You want this letter sent off how fast?” the gray mailmare asked.
“Immediately!” Discord ordered. “I want it as fast as email!”
“Email?” the pegasus questioned curiously.
Discord ignored her. “No! Faster than email! I want it to get there so fast, that it is simultaneously here and there at the same time for a few seconds before disappearing in a blazing, fiery inferno!”
The mare scratched her head. “I’m not sure if that’s possible mister.”
“What do you mean it’s not possible? This is an emergency here!” Discord punctuated his outburst by slamming his fist onto the help desk. A few of the customers in line behind him, shuffled nervously. Even though they all knew he didn’t have his powers anymore, they still found the draconequus quite intimidating.
“Now calm down sir,” the mailmare said. “We may not be able to get your letter there that fast, but we can get it there and a reply back here in a couple of hours, if you would like. It’ll cost extra for the express delivery, though”
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” Discord replied, slamming down a bag full of bits that may or may not have been completely his.
A lot more than a couple of hours later as Discord waited impatiently in a nearby cafe, a rainbow haired pegasus dropped down from the sky with a letter in her mouth. “Finally!” Discord exclaimed. “What took you so long?”
The mare spat the letter onto the table. “It wasn’t my fault!” she shouted. “That stupid egghead insisted that I had to wait while she did some research before she would reply.”
Discord harrumphed at what he considered to be a poor excuse as he snatched the letter off the table and ripped it open. The mare grumbled something about ungrateful customers and no tips as she flew away, but Discord ignored her.
Dear Discord , it read.
Although I would loath to help you do anything at all after what you did to *MY LIBRARY , (oh and Flash Sentry and Spike too, I guess), your puzzle does intrigue me. I have to admit that at first I thought your letter was some sort of trick, but you do sound as if you are earnestly interested in the subject of transmogrification, and I am not one to turn away a honest scholar. You did say it was all hypothetical (although I’m not sure if I believe you), so I guess it won’t hurt to help.*
To answer your question on if I have ever heard of a seapony being turned into a landpony before, yes, I have read about it in several of my books. In fact, before the seaking cut off all ties with Equestria, it was common practice for seaponies to take landpony form for trade purposes, as I’m sure you remember. However, this transformation was almost always temporary, lasting no more than a few days at most, after which the seapony would return to the sea. Yet, this spell does not sound like the one you mentioned. The seaponies were not searching for a mate, nor did they die after their time on land was up.
I searched my books (what was left of them anyway, no thanks to you) about the subject and the only mention of any spell even remotely like this was in a book about changelings. As you know, changelings feed off of love and use it not only to fuel their magic, but also to live. Although the queen can survive for hundreds of years on only a few mere scraps of love, drones, once full grown, must find a mate to provide them with love within three days of adulthood or else they will die from starvation. The book also mentioned, that sometimes when changelings could not find a mate in time, they would kill the pony that rejected them and feed off their life force instead of their love but that was mostly hearsay. I wouldn’t -
The letter went on for several pages more, but Discord stopped there. He had read enough. Was it possible that Pinkie could be a changeling? He had been there at Celestia’s side during the changeling wars over a thousand years before. The changelings had always preyed upon ponies, but they were few in number, and as long as they didn’t kill anypony, Celestia had mostly let them be. However, their numbers had risen, and the number of ponies being reportedly kidnapped and killed by changelings had also risen until Celestia had had no choice but to chase them into the sea. The changeling Queen, Queen Chrysalis, vowed revenge, but nopony had seen or heard from them since. Discord had always thought they had all died off, but perhaps he was wrong. If Pinkie were a changeling, she was a very badly trained one. He did not remember changelings being that bad at romance, but he supposed it could still be possible. He put the letter back into its envelope and started back home. Pinkie would be back soon, and he had a lot to think about.
Pinkie arrived back at the cave only a few moments before Discord. He hastily shoved the letter under his mattress once he sighted her, but she was too busy fussing with a white box she had brought with her to notice. She placed the box on the coffee table and opened it. The sweet scent of cupcakes wafted over to the draconequus, and his stomach rumbled in complaint. He had only eaten a small dandelion sandwich at the cafe earlier, and he suddenly realized how hungry he was. “Whatcha’ got there, dear Candy?” he asked, walking over to the table.
Pinkie replied by handing him a chocolate cupcake. A picture of his face was done in frosting on the top. Surprised, he glanced at the rest of the cupcakes and noticed that half had his face on them and the other half had Pinkie’s. She must have had them specially made. That must have been very difficult to do what with her not being able to talk and all. Although he was starving, he suddenly couldn’t bring himself to eat the precious gift. “Why, thank you, Candy,” he said. “This was very kind of you.” Pinkie grinned at him in reply and a strange warmth spread from Discord’s chest until it filled his entire body. Suddenly, the question of whether or not Pinkie was a changeling didn’t seem to matter too much. All that mattered was that she was here with him, and for some reason, her being here made him very happy. That happiness was marred, however, by the fact that her happiness was probably because his seduction lessons had worked. Blast his sexiness!
“So I guess the date went well then?” he inquired hesitantly as Pinkie sat down and started eating her own cupcake. Pinkie nodded enthusiastically, downing the cupcake in one gulp, before pulling out a rubber chicken from her hair. She froze once she realized she had accidentally shown someone one of her hair’s strange abilities, but since Discord didn’t comment on it, she relaxed. In fact, Discord had noticed, but filed it under the ‘Pinkie’s probably a changeling but I no longer care’ folder that had formed in the back of his mind.
“Is that rubber chicken from that Spray Cheese pony?” he asked with a frown. Pinkie nodded again, before giving the toy a loving squeeze. Discord’s grip unknowingly tightened on his cupcake as he glared at the toy. “How wonderful,” he said between clenched teeth. Unable to watch Pinkie cuddle the infernal chicken anymore, he stood up with an extravagant yawn. “Well I guess I’m off to bed then,” he said. Pinkie held up the rest of the cupcakes with a frown.
“Oh I’m not that hungry,” Discord lied. “You can have the rest of them, Candy.” Pinkie’s eyes lit up and she proceeded to shovel the rest of the cupcakes into her mouth as fast as possible. Finished, she shut the box and then laid down on the couch, holding boneless tightly to her chest.
“And don’t even think about crawling into bed with me tonight!” Discord said as he watched her. Pinkie only nodded sleepily. “I mean it! I don’t want to be woken up in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare are something.” Pinkie snored softly in reply. She shivered slightly, and Discord glared at her. “Are you trying to catch a cold?” he spat under his breath. Grabbing a blanket from the cupboard, he gently placed it on her, sticking his tongue out at boneless as he did so. Apparently now that she had that rubber chicken, she no longer needed to sleep with him. Good, thought Discord. He would have his bed to himself again. He blew out the lanterns and put the slightly squashed cupcake he was still holding onto the nightstand, before crawling into his own bed with a sigh.
After a moment he switched from his side to his back. Then he switched to his stomach. Then finally to his other side, but it made no difference. It was all uncomfortable. Frustrated, he glared at Pinkie’s form in the darkness. This was all her fault, he thought, before grabbing the pink plush he had left on the bed from the night before and cuddling it tightly. He fell asleep feeling lonelier and more confused than he had in a long, long time.
Discord snored softly, clutching the Pinkie plush tightly to his chest. The real Pinkie smiled at him sadly. It was morning already, and she had planned to go find Cheese Sandwich as soon as she woke up, but was, for some reason, hesitant to leave just yet. Cheesie was now most definitely in love with her. She should be ecstatic, and she was, but at the same time she wasn’t. It was all very confusing, but one thing she knew for certain was that her not so ecstatic feelings had something to do Discord. If only she knew what it was about Discord that made her feel this way. Did she feel guilty for not thanking him enough? He had helped her out quite a bit, and was pretty much the reason why she was able to get a special somepony so quickly in the first place. That’s why she had gone through all the trouble of getting cupcakes last night, despite her lack of bits. The baker didn’t seem to mind too much though, once she offered to do the dishes for him in exchange. He was even going to decorate them for her, but she realized it would be too complicated to explain what she wanted and insisted that she decorate them herself. Getting the frosting just right had taken a long time, but when she saw how touched Discord was when she handed him a cupcake, she knew it had been worth it. In fact, the cupcake was still there sitting on his bedside table. No, not thanking him enough didn’t seem to be the problem. But if that wasn’t it, what was it? A small whispery voice in her head told her she was worried she might not be able to see him anymore, but that was silly. It wasn’t like she would lose all contact with Discord just because she found a stallionfriend.
A moan drew Pinkie out of her thoughts. Discord blinked his eyes wearily as they slowly focused on the pink mare in front of him. “Hello my dear,” he mumbled with a yawn. “Have you killed the banana yet or do I have to get my teapot?” Pinkie stared at him for a moment in surprise, but then burst into a fit of giggles. Discord smiled at her, enjoying the sight of her laughing even with his sleep-addled brain, and then promptly fell back to sleep. Still giggling, Pinkie stood up and grinned at the draconequus. She realized that the best way to cure her blues would be to spend time with Discord before she went to see Cheese. She would spend the rest of her life with Cheese Sandwich, but she wasn’t sure how much more time she would be able to spend with Discord. Cheese could wait until later.
Now what was the best way to wake up a draconequus? She wondered. The fastest way of course! Without a hint of hesitation, Pinkie immediately began jumping on Discord’s chest.
“Sweet mother of chaos!” Discord cried, arms and legs flailing wildly. “Candy, what in tartarus are you doing?” he asked once Pinkie had stopped jumping. She giggled, and then brought her face a hairbreadth’s distance away from Discord’s. “C-candy?” he stammered with a blush. Pinkie looked at him coyly through her lashes, making Discord both excited and terrified. Then, with a mischievous grin, she booped his nose with her hoof and bounced away to hide. It took a moment for Discord to understand what had just happened, but then he grinned a horrifying grin. “Oh it is on!”
He jumped up from the bed fully intending to find Pinkie and tickle her into submission when his stomach growled. Pinkie, with a worried expression, immediately popped up from her hiding spot behind the couch. “Oh don’t worry about it, Candy,” Discord said. “I just haven’t eaten in a while. It’s fine. I can go a long time without eating.” Pinkie gave him a disbelieving look. “I can!” he insisted. “And besides, I used up the last of my bits yesterday.” To this Pinkie merely shook her head at him in a friendly, chiding manner and then, despite his protests, chomped down on his tail and dragged him out of the cave.
She took him to a small bakery on the outskirts of the village. A sign on the bright blue door said closed, but Pinkie knocked anyway. A cheerful looking yellow earth stallion with orange hair answered the door. “Sorry, but we’re not open unti-“ he began, but stopped once he saw who it was. “Oh, it’s only you, Pinkie.”
“Her name is Candy,” Discord said with a frown, still upset about having their potential tickle fight interrupted.
The stallion started a bit at Discord’s reply, not having noticed him before. “D-discord?” he stammered. “What are you doing here?”
Discord was about to say something sarcastic and potentially hurtful (he wasn’t quite sure what yet), but Pinkie silenced him with a tight hug around his torso. “Is he your friend, Pinkie?” the stallion asked nervously.
“Her name is Candy Clouds!” Discord insisted.
Pinkie nodded, ignoring Discord. The baker didn’t seem as if he completely believed her at first, but then he shrugged. “Well then, any friend of Pinkie is a friend of ours!”
“Candy !” Discord shouted. Seeing her friend’s obvious distress, Pinkie gave him a reassuring pat.
“Oh, sorry,” the stallion said nervously. “I wasn’t sure what to call her, so I’ve just been calling her Pinkie because of her coat.” He turned to Pinkie apologetically. “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you.” Pinkie smiled and shook her head. “Well, good then!” He grinned and opened the door wider. “You and your friend are welcome to come on in! We don’t have any dishes for you to do right now, but if you sweep the floors and get the dining area ready for customers then we’ll give both of you some nice blueberry muffins.”
Discord was reluctant to clean a whole bakery just for some muffins, but Pinkie refused to listen to any of his complaints. By now Discord was pretty certain that Pinkie was a changeling. It explained everything so perfectly, from why she had to find a special somepony so quickly to how she was able to make things magically appear from her mane whenever she needed to like that rubber chicken from the night before. Even now while they cleaned, she would pull things like balloons and streamers from seemingly nowhere when she thought nopony was looking. Apparently, she thought that the bakery should not only be sparkling clean, but should also look like a five-year-old’s birthday party.
Knowing she was a changeling should have made him very happy. Sure he had had some unpleasant experiences with changelings in the past, what with the war and all, but this was Pinkie. Changeling or not, he really couldn’t see her being evil enough to try and take over the world. And even if she did, she would probably only do it so she could have as many cupcakes as she wanted, which he didn’t really see as a bad thing. He would probably even join her in her world domination scheme. It’s not like he had never considered taken over Equestria before. It sounded like fun. Plus, her being a changeling allowed them a neat little loophole to get around having to make Cheese Sandwich fall in love with her. Okay, so it wasn’t so much neat as bloody and decidedly homicidal, but still definitely doable, nonetheless. Discord wasn’t even that torn up about the idea really. Maybe he would have been if it was someone other than Cheese Sandwich, or if Pinkie had been anyone other than, well, Pinkie, but as it stood, he valued Pinkie’s life much more than Cheese’s. So yes, knowing that Pinkie was a changeling should have made him very happy. Only it didn’t. There was no way Discord could ever convince Pinkie to kill Cheese. Especially now that the stupid stallion was apparently madly in love with her. A glare from Pinkie quickly roused him from his musings, and he started to sweep the floor with a bit more vigor.
None of it matter anyway, he thought as he swept the dirt into a dustpan and tossed it in the trash. After today she would no longer be his responsibility. The perfect, nauseating love of Cheese Sandwich was all that she would ever need. Well that was just fine! He didn’t need her either. After Celestia found out what a wonderful deed he had done by helping Pinkie, he would have his powers back. Sure, helping a changeling probably didn’t count as a good deed in Celestia’s book, but she didn’t have to know about that part. Yes, soon Discord would never have to worry about that silly pink pony ever again. The thought didn’t cheer him as much as it should have.
By the time they finished cleaning the bakery and ate their muffins, it was almost noon, and Pinkie decided it was time to find Cheese Sandwich. With Discord in tow, Pinkie went to the center of the village where the last minute festival preparations were under full sway. It didn’t take long to spot Cheese. He was talking to an earth mare. She was pretty and friendly looking with a white coat and a light blue mane cut into a short bob. She said something to him and he laughed. The sight made Pinkie stop midstride. She didn’t like how close they were standing next to each other, or the intimate way they spoke to one another, and she especially didn’t like how the mare could make Cheesie laugh with a single sentence. Pinkie quickly shook those thoughts from her mind. Maybe she was just overreacting. Yeah. That had to be it. Cheese was in love with her, not that other mare. There was no doubt about it. He had even given her Boneless for goodness sake! This was all just a misunderstanding. She forced a smile on her face and trotted up to the pair.
“Oh, hey Candy!” Cheese shouted when he saw her. “And, um, Discord.” Discord grunted in response, keeping a worried eye on Pinkie. “Candy, there is somepony I want you to meet,” Cheese announced. “This is Coco Pommel!” He threw a foreleg around Coco and held her close. “She’s that fashion designer friend I told you about the other night. She came back, and well, we’ve decided to get married!” Shocked, Pinkie could do nothing but stare at the couple. Married? The word floated about senselessly in her mind, trying to find a neuron or two to attach itself to, but was having trouble finding any that would accept it. Cheese never even mentioned that he liked this mare, and now they were getting married? How was that even possible? He was supposed to be in love with her, not some mare that left him ages ago!
“Thanks to your help,” Cheese continued, “after the festival ends at sunup tomorrow, we’ll have plenty of bits to do what we always dreamed and travel Equestria together. Isn’t that great?” No it’s not great! Pinkie wanted to scream. It’s not even satisfactory!
“It’s so nice to meet you!” Coco said with a smile. “Cheese has told me about how much help you’ve been the last couple of days. Thanks to you, we’re going to make so many ponies happy!”
“Happy? Happy?! Who cares about how many ponies you make happy?” Discord growled not able to keep quiet any longer. “Thanks to you, Candy is going to – “ Pinkie snapped his muzzle shut with her forehooves. She might have been heartbroken and about to die, but telling Cheese and Coco that wouldn’t change anything. All it would do was make them sad, and she was not going to spend her last few hours making ponies sad. She gave the couple a nervous smile and waved good bye as she pushed Discord away.
“I don’t know why you won’t let me tell them the truth,” Discord said once the town was out of sight. “They just killed you, Candy! You do understand that right?” Pinkie didn’t respond. Instead she sat down on the sandy beach and looked out at the sea. The sun was high in the sky, sparkling off the green-blue water like a million shining stars. Brilliant white seagulls screeched as they swooped in and out of the waves. It had only been a few days since she came here, but it felt like a lifetime. She hadn’t even told her family goodbye. They were probably worried sick about her, wondering if she was okay. What if they thought she was dead? Well, in a few hours, she would be. Pinkie’s heart, which had been hesitant to act until now, decided that enough was enough and plunged off a metaphorical bridge into the conveniently located pit of despair beneath.
Seaponies could not cry, but that was not the case for landponies Pinkie found. Tears fell quickly and freely down her cheeks while soundless sobs racked her chest. She wanted to scream, yell, shout, but no matter how hard she tried no sound would come out. “Shh, shh, Candy it’ll be okay,” Discord comforted, curling around the pink pony and gently stroking her mane. Pinkie clung to him, grateful she had found such a good friend.
“There is another way, you know,” Discord said after a moment. “But you probably won’t like it.” Sniffling, Pinkie looked up at him curiously. “The only way to get to make changeling magic permanent is through love, or through,” Discord’s voice lowered, “death. You have to kill Cheese Sandwich.” Shocked, Pinkie quickly disentangled herself from him and backed away.
“I told you, you wouldn’t like it,” Discord grumbled. “But it’s the only other way! Either he falls in love with or you have to kill him.” Pinkie shook her head. “Don’t you understand?” he growled. “It’s the only way for you to survive! If you don’t do this, you’ll never hear a pony laugh again! You’ll never get to eat cupcakes or see the sunrise or anything ever again! You have to kill him!” The look in Discord’s eyes at that moment was at once terrifying and achingly sad, but Pinkie did not budge. “If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it,” Discord gulped, “do it for me.” He fell to his knees, all signs of anger replaced with grief. “I don’t want you to die, Candy.” Pinkie trotted up to him and placed a hoof on his cheek. Though there were still tears in her eyes, she did her best to reassure him by smiling as brightly as she could. Discord couldn’t believe it. Even when she was only a few hours from death, she still did all she could to make the ones around her happy. She was the most amazing pony he had ever met. Suddenly he noticed how close her muzzle was to his and how the sunlight sparkled off of the tears in her eyes.
“Candy,I,” he breathed, but, before he could say anything more, he was interrupted by a falling pony, who landed with a thud beside them. The pair stared at her in shock. The seapony mare was tied up in kelp, unconscious, and just so happened to look exactly like Pinkie Pie.
“Where is Pinkie Pie?” demanded a voice from behind them. Pinkie turned and gasped. Right there, crawling out of the ocean using nothing but her forehooves, was none other than Pinkie’s sister Maud.
“Who?” Discord asked as Pinkie threw herself at the seamare.
“Thank goodness, Pinkie,” Maud said, returning the hug. “I was so worried.”
Discord furrowed his brows. “Wait a second,” he said, walking up next to them. “Your name really is Pinkie?!” Pinkie released Maud and nodded. “Oh,” he said, looking a bit guilty. “Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled at that baker so much then.”
“Pinkie, we need to go back to Aquastria right away,” Maud continued in an even tone of voice, ignoring Discord. “Father is gathering an army to attack Equestria. I need you to stop him.” Pinkie’s eyes widened, and she started mouthing wordlessly, forgetting for the moment that nopony could hear her.
“I think she wants you to explain,” Discord said for her. Pinkie nodded quickly.
Maud turned to Discord. “Why can’t she say anything?”
“A seawitch took her voice away,” he said simply.
Maud stared at him for a moment, digesting this information, and then turned back to Pinkie. “Chrysalis was impersonating you. I stopped her, and now Father is on his way here with an army to take over Equestria.”
There was silence for a moment, but then Discord said rather irritably, “That’s it? No epic tale, no lengthy exposé? I mean, how did you even know Chrissy here wasn’t Candy, or…er…Pinkie? I mean,” he walked over to the Pinkie duplicate, examining the changeling. “She looks exactly like Pinkie! Chrysallis always was good at her craft.”
“Chrysalis didn’t know that Pinkie usually sleeps with me at night,” Maud said. “She also talks about her plans to her reflection. Once, she even broke out into song. It was very pretty. I liked it, but I still punched her and tied her up in the middle of it. It was necessary so I could stop her and find Pinkie.”
Discord stared at her. “You punched Chrysallis?” he asked.
“Yes,” Maud replied.
“In the middle of an aria?”
“She fell unconscious very quickly.” The thought of the great Queen Chrysallis having the daylights punched out of her by this tiny seamare was too much for Discord. He collapsed onto the sand in hysterical laughter. Maud blinked at him once, and then turned to Pinkie. “Chrysalis convinced Father that he has to go to war against Equestria to avenge Mother’s death. He won’t listen to me, but I know he’ll listen to you.”
Still sniggering, Discord interrupted her. “Wait, wait, wait. You’re acting like your father is the seaking.”
“Our father is the seaking,” Maud answered simply.
Discord stared at her in shock for a moment. “So,” he said, “Pinkie really is a seapony?” He turned to Pinkie. “You’re not a changeling?” Pinkie shook her head. “So that means you’re not going to die, right? Because only Changelings die when they can’t find anypony to love, and you’re not a changling, so –“
A dark chuckle interrupted him. Queen Chrysallis was finally awake. “Fools,” Chrysallis, still disquised as Pinkie, mocked. “As if I would ever have allowed her to live. I have waited for this moment for centuries. My entire hive is dead because of you and your precious princesses!”
“Hey!” Discord protested. “Celly and Lulu are not precious! Pretentious maybe, but definitely not precious.”
“My children are dead!” Chrysallis shouted angrily. “After being chased into the sea, we scoured the ocean trying to find another food source, but we couldn’t find a single speck of love that we could feed off of. One by one I watched as my subjects died, until I was the only one left. Eventually, I came across Aquestria, a beautiful, powerful kingdom. I thought that at last I had found my salvation, but I was too weak to take anypony’s form for more than a few hours. So I lived on the outskirts of the kingdom, surviving off of scraps of love and biding my time. Not that my presence went unnoticed by the seaponies. Oh no, rumors spread quickly about the insect-like seamare that lived in the polype forests outside of the kingdom. They said I kidnapped seaponies and fed on their flesh like a wild animal. They called me a seawith, sorcerceress, monster. After a while, ponies stopped going into the forest altogether, until one day a stupid seamare decided to throw a party in a kingdom where laughing is practically outlawed. It was all too easy to convince her to come onto land, leaving Aquestria with a very convenient vacancy as the most beloved princess of the sea. The best part is, it doesn’t matter if Pinkie finds somepony to love her or not! She’s going to die either way, and without her voice there’s no way for her to convince her dear father to not attack Equestria! No loose strings. It’s the perfect plan.”
“What do you mean she’s going to die either way?” Discord demanded angrily.
“Oh poor, poor, stupid Discord,” Chrysallis scoffed. “You would fall for the naïve mute.” She smirked as Discord’s fist clenched. “Let me explain it to you simply so that you can understand. Changeling magic is like a bank loan. You can take out money you don’t have, but eventually you are going to have to put that money plus interest back into the bank. Changeling magic allows you to change form without using any initial energy, but if that energy is not eventually supplied, then the magic will use the changeling’s life to make up the energy deficiency. Usually a changeling is able to use love energy to charge the magic, but because Pinkie cannot absorb love like a real changeling, eventually the magic will kill her. So sad!” She laughed maniacally making a chill go down Pinkie’s spine.
With a primal growl, Discord lunged at the witch, but seconds before he reached her, there was a flash and bang and she was gone.
Back inside the cave, Discord was shoving everything he could think of into a suitcase. “Don’t give me that look, Pinkie,” he said when he noticed the worry on Pinkie’s face. “This is none of our business. The two of us are getting as far away from this chaos as possible. Ugh! I can’t believe I just said that.” He grimaced, and then shook his head. “We have to find a way to keep you alive. I know what Chrysallis said, but she has to be wrong. There must be another way! We just need some time to figure it out.” Determined, he started packing with more vigor, throwing everything from blankets to a bugle horn into the suitcase.
“I know you’re worried about Pinkie, but if we don’t stop our father thousands of ponies are going to be killed,” Maud said with a foreleg around her sister. Although she was still half fish, it turned out that Maud was freakishly strong and had no problem dragging her tail along with nothing but her forelegs in order to follow Pinkie and Discord into the cave. “I love Pinkie too, but we can’t just – “
Discord whirled towards her, red eyes blazing. “Yes we can! I am not going to let Pinkie die without a fight!”
Maud let Pinkie go and turned towards Discord, giving him her whole attention. “So you’re going to let Equestria fall into Chrysallis’s hands, just to save Pinkie?”
Discord looked away. “If that’s what it takes.”
“Do you really think she’d want that?” Maud asked.
“No,” he admitted, grumbling. “She’d probably want to do something stupid and noble. That’s why she needs me to stop her.” He stopped packing for a moment and looked around. “Hey, where is Pinkie?”
“She’s gone.”
“Blast it all!” Discord shouted, throwing the suitcase across the cave. “We’ve got to stop her!”
Suddenly the sound of a conch shell being blown echoed through the cave. “It’s too late,” Maud said. “My father is already here.”
On the surface of the sea, just a few dozen feet off the beach nearest to the town, a large army of seaponies had gathered. In front of them was King Igneous. His war captain was next to him with a large megaphone in one hoof. The gray blue war captain cleared his throat and began to speak. “Citizens of Ponyshell Island, if you surrender now and return Princess Pinkamena into our protection then we will try to be lenient when we enslave you all.” As landponies from the town heard the message and began gathering along the shore wearing worried and often frightened expressions, Captian Sea Foam lowered the megaphone and leaned over to the seaking. “My king, are you certain about this whole slavery business?”
“We’ve spoken about this before Captain Sea Foam,” King Igneous replied with a slightly annoyed expression.
“I know, but even if they did kidnap Princess Pinkie like you said, slavery still seems a bit,” Captain Sea Foam left the sentence hanging, unsure how to finish it without making his king seem like an overbearing dictator.
“These landponies know no bounds,” the King replied. “First they killed my wife and now they’ve kidnapped my daughter. They must know that Aquestria is not a kingdom to be taken lightly!”
From their hiding spot behind a large boulder, Discord growled in frustration. They hadn’t had any luck finding Pinkie, so they decided to go find the seaking where they believed Pinkie would most likely be doing something, to quote Discord, ‘completely stupid and suicidal.’ Unfortunately for them, although they found the king easily enough, Pinkie was nowhere to be found. “Where is that blasted mare?” Discord groaned.
Back on the beach, a bright green unicorn stepped in front of the other landponies. “What are you talking about?” he shouted at the seaking. “There aren’t any seapony princesses in this town!”
The king tore the megaphone out of the Captain’s hands. “Lies!” he spat at the unicorn. “I saw, my former daughter, the traitorous Maud take Pinkamena here! I know you have her! Bring her to me and we will show you mercy. Withold her and you will suffer unconceivable amounts of agony and hardship!”
The ponies on the beach broke out into angry shouts, causing the seaponies to brandish their spears and tridents at them threateningly, just in case they decided to attack. Safely hidden behind the boulder, Discord turned to Maud with a raised brow. “Traitor?”
Maud’s usually stoic expression softened a fraction, making her look slightly guilty. “Father may have seen me tie up Chrysallis and thought it was Pinkie.”
Discord frowned as he watched the chaos forming on shore. Normally he would be enjoying the sight, but his worry for Pinkie got in the way. It was frightening how much of a hold she had on him. In only three days, that silly pink pony was able to get into his head so thoroughly that he couldn’t even properly enjoy pure unadulterated chaos when he came across it. It was so unfair! “What do the seaponies even expect to do?” he spat, trying to get his mind off Pinkie. “They can’t exactly rage a war from the sea and I doubt turning the army into landponies will fit in with your father’s superiority complex!”
“If Pinkie doesn’t show up soon, I believe we will find out,” Maud replied, staring at the increasingly agitated ponies on the shore. The shouts of outrage were getting louder with each passing moment.
The king glared at them. “So be it,” he intoned through the megaphone. “Remember, you have brought this all upon yourselves.” he gave a nod to Captain Sea Foam. Reluctantly, the captain removed a large conch shell from where it was belted around his hip and blew into it three times. For a moment nothing happened, but then came a rumbling from beneath the waves. Gargantuan tentacles with suckers the size of wagon wheels crested over the waves, followed soon thereafter by a ginormous squid head. Instead of the beak of the squid being located beneath the head, between its eight tentacles like a normal squid, the deadly sharp beak was located just beneath its enormous yellow eyes. It squawked defeaningly, showing several rows of saw-edged teeth.
For once, Maud’s normally stoic expression had completely fallen away to absolute shock. “The kraken,” she breathed, as the seabeast crawled onto the shoreline squawking madly and knocking over homes and businesses while the landponies ran away screaming “I never…I can’t believe Father would-“
“Shouldn’t we probably do something?” Discord asked uncertainly, watching the carnage with some concern. Even though he often caused property damage and injury during his many chaotic escapades, he didn’t particularly like to see ponies die. Unless it was Cheese Sandwich, he amended. He was totally okay with him dying after what he did to Pinkie.
“What exactly do you want to do?” Maud said, beginning to recover. “It’s a kraken.”
“I can see that!” Discord roared in exasperation.
Just then, Pinkie Pie came rushing through town riding atop a giant blue tank. Sunlight beamed off her bright yellow helmet causing a halo of light to shine around the seamare, highlighting the fierce look in her dazzling blue eyes, and the gleam of her teeth in her manic grin. She was the most beautiful thing Discord had ever seen. She aimed the tank straight at the sea monster and fired several times. Cakes, pies, and other baked goods of every description pelted the beast, pushing it away from the fleeing ponies.
“You too, Pinkie?” King Igneous said with sadness as he watched his daughter betray him. His eyes turned cold. “So be it,” he said, and made no move to stop the kraken from attacking his daughter.
“No,” Discord breathed. Without a second thought, he dashed out from behind the boulder and started running toward the kraken and Pinkie. “Where are you going?” Maud yelled, or tried to yell. It wasn’t much louder than her normal speaking voice really.
“To help Pinkie!” Discord shouted back. He raced towards the blue tank, but before he could reach it, the kraken swung a tentacle at the tank, sending Pinkie flying into a brick wall. She slouched over on the ground, unconscious. Discord screeched to a halt. Seeing Pinkie’s body bloodied and broken on the ground as if dead, something inside him broke. Power, the likes of which he had never felt before, built up inside him like a balloon that had been blown up a bit too much. Suddenly, the magic inhibiting bracelet on his arm shattered and the balloon popped. Sweet, sweet chaos flooded the town. Discord hardly noticed. He was too sad, too heartbroken, too furious. He no longer controlled any of it. He didn’t even try. He let the chaos spread through the town turning the half destroyed buildings into chocolate and the sand into smooth blue and yellow colored glass. Trees and shrubs grew eyes and ragged teeth, uprooted themselves, and began attacking whatever was closest to them at the time whether it was pony, building, or kraken. The chaos even spread to the sea where it turned the water into bright pink saltwater taffy. The seapony army struggled to escape the sticky treat, but the more they struggled the thicker and stickier the taffy became.
Witnessing the absolute bedlam their fair town was turning into, and not so gently urged on by some of the monster topiary, the few townsfolk who had not managed to escape the town yet ran away screaming as fast as their legs would carry them. Discord paid none of them any heed. All of his focus was fixated on the seaking. With measured calmness, he walked towards the royal, not even stopping when the kraken lunged a tentacle at him. He merely snapped his claw and the once monstrous seabeast shrunk to the size of a kitten.
“Get away from me you fiend!” King Igneous demanded as Discord approached. “I know who you are. You don’t scare me!”
“I don’t?” Discord replied with a smirk, walking on the pink taffy as if it was solid ground. “Well, of course not! After all, why should I scare you? It’s not like you are so horrible of a father that you would chase your daughter away, forcing her to make a deal with a changeling that would eventually end up killing her, or that you let a kraken attack said daughter, the only pony who I have truly cared about in nearly a thousand years!” He laughed mirthlessly for a moment and then paused. “Oh wait a minute,” he said. “You did do those things, didn’t you? My mistake.” His expression turned cold and vicious as he raised a claw, poised to snap. “Maybe you should be afraid of me, after all.”
Just before he snapped his claws, he felt something soft and squishy clench around his middle. He looked down to see Pinkie. Bits of pink taffy mixed with blood stuck to her fur and mane, but otherwise she seemed unhurt. Discord was relieved to see that she was okay, but the pleading look in her eyes ruined the reunion for him a bit.
“Pinkie, these ponies tried to kill you and everypony else in this town,” he reminded her gently. “They have to pay for what they have done.” Pinkie buried her head into his fur and shook her head. He growled, gentleness forgotten. “Why, after all they have done to you, do you insist on granting these ponies mercy?” he insisted.
Pinkie mouthed something, and Discord snapped his claws with a sigh. “-love them,” she finished. Suddenly, she gasped. “Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh!” she screeched, letting go of Discord and jumping up and down on the taffy like it was a trampoline and not a sticky, gooey deathtrap. “I can talk again! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” She beamed at Discord happily for a moment, and then quickly turned serious again. “Discord, you can’t hurt these seaponies! I know you’re upset,” she continued in a placating manner when he started to object. “You have every right to be. My father did kind of release a kraken and destroy the town after all, and that was very wrong of him, but you have to let them go. They are my family and I love them no matter how homicidal and war crazy they might have gotten recently.”
“How?” Discord demanded. “How can you love these ponies when all they have caused you is pain and heartache? They don’t deserve your forgiveness or your love! Just let me get rid of your father at least, and then –“
“No, Discord!” Pinkie refused, moving to stand between him and her father. The taffy squelched under her feet a bit, but otherwise didn’t pull her too far under. “My father may be a bit grumpy and has trouble understanding me pretty much all the time, but he is still my father. He never would have purposely hurt me…not until just now, anyway, but I blame Chrysallis for that. He is not a bad pony or a bad king. He is hurt and confused and Chrysallis took advantage of that. If you hurt him, I am never going to forgive you.”
“Chrysallis? What does she have to do with any of this?” King Igneous asked with a confused look.
“Chrysallis has been impersonating Pinkie for the last few days,” Maud answered, suddenly appearing beside her father.
“Oh,” the seaking said, suddenly realizing the implications of that statement. He looked away guiltily. “Oh.”
Captain Sea Foam, however, had other things on his mind. “How did you get through the taffy?” he asked bluntly. “I mean, Princess Pinkamena did it through her…Pinkieness, but how did you get out here?”
“I carry rocks a lot,” Maud stated simply. “I like rocks.” Captain Sea Foam decided not to inquire further.
Meanwhile, Discord and Pinkie were still staring at each other in heated silence, each one daring the other to break. Sweat beaded on Discord’s brow as he concentrated. Alas, at the moment of truth, his own eyelid betrayed him.
“HA!” Pinkie shouted with a laugh. “You blinked!”
“No I didn’t!” he huffed.
“Yes you did! You totally, totally did!”
“Ugh! Fine!” Discord growled. He snapped his fingers, and he and Pinkie were back on the beach. Everything had been turned back to the way it was before. The sand was sand again, the buildings were made of wood, the taffy turned into seawater, and the plants went back to being stationary and generally non-lethal. Only the kraken remained in his kitten form, which most everypony agreed was probably for the best. “There!” yelled Discord once it was all done. “Happy?”
Pinkie grinned at him, and then suddenly a wave of dizziness swept over her and she swayed. Discord rushed to steady her. “Pinkie? Are you okay?”
Pinkie sat on her haunches and put a hoof to her head. “I think so,” she answered. “I just got really dizzy for a second there. That was weird.” She tried to stand, only to fall right back down again. Discord caught her before she hit the ground. “Thanks, Discord,” she smiled weakly at him. “Maybe I’m not so alright, after all.” She looked towards the sun. It was just about to hit the horizon. “Oh,” she said. “That explains it.”
“No! It’ll be okay, Pinkie!” Discord insisted. “I’m not gonna let you die! I’m not sure how I can fix it right now, but we’ll figure it out! I promise! Just hold on for a little longer.”
“Don’t worry, Dizzy,” Pinkie comforted. Discord’s heart clenched a little tighter at the tender nickname. Nopony had called him that since he was a foal. “I’ll never really leave you,” Pinkie continued.
Discord sniffled a bit. “Because you’ll always remain in my heart?”
Pinkie gave a weak laugh. “No, silly, because I’ll haunt you.”
A few tears fell down Discord’s muzzle. “Pinkie,” he said tenderly. “I love you.”
Pinkie smiled. “I know,” she said softly as her eyes slid closed.
“NONONO!” Discord shouted desperately as Pinkie’s breathing slowed. “Please! Don’t do this to me, Pinkie! You can’t! I won’t allow it! Just hold on for a little longer! You can do it. I know you can. Just please, don’t leave me!” Despite how much he pleaded, Pinkie did not move, and when the sun finally dipped under the ocean waves, Discord bent his head over Pinkie’s body and wept.
A shadow above him caused the draconequus to look up. A white alicorn was staring mournfully down at Pinkie. “You!” Discord scowled. “How dare you show your face here!”
“I am sincerely sorry, Discord,” the alicorn, Princess Celestia, replied. “I did not learn of your plight until just this morning when a purple unicorn librarian named Twilight wrote to me about the letter you sent her, concerned that you might be up to something untoward. Since then I have been keeping a close eye on what progressed here.” Bowing her head she added, “I wish I was able to make it here sooner, but I had royal duties I had to attend to and was not able to leave-“
“That’s always the story with you, isn’t it?” Discord interrupted, his voice cold. “You could have prevented this whole mess by just giving me my powers back to begin with, but no! You were too busy, and now Pinkie’s dead!”
Celestia gave him a sympathetic smile. “She is not dead my dear friend.”
“What do you mean she’s not dead? Look at her!” he demanded angrily holding Pinkie up for Celestia to see.
Celestia bent down towards the pink mare, and then, closing her eyes, her horn lit up with a bright magical aura. She lowered her horn to Pinkie’s chest, allowing the aura to spread until it encased Pinkie’s entire body. After a few minutes, Celestia released her magic and raised her head. Slowly, Pinkie opened one eye, and then the other. She yawned. “Wow! Dying really takes a lot out of a pony!” she said a bit groggily. She wiggled out of Discord’s arms, frowning at him “Aww! You’re not dead too, are you? I was supposed to haunt you. You ruined it!”
Discord merely stared at her in response. Celestia chuckled. “You are not dead, little one, and neither is Discord.”
“I’m not?” Pinkie gave the princess a confused frown. “But I thought – “
“You simply used too much magic in too short a time period and were simply having a bit of trouble recharging,” Celestia explained. “I just helped you along a bit.”
“Pinkie doesn’t have magic,” Discord said, finally beginning to overcome his shock.
Celestia smiled knowingly. “Are you sure about that?”
Discord took a deep breath, thinking about all the impossible things he had seen Pinkie do. “No, not really,” he admitted. “But how is she alive? Chrysallis’s magic should have killed her.”
“Haven’t you ever wondered why Queen Chrysallis could survive so long without love when her subjects could only last a few days?” Celestia asked sweetly. “Changeling drones cannot love. They do not know how. That is not the case for the Queen. Chrysallis loves her subjects, and although that love has driven her to do some terrible things, it is a true love nonetheless. She is able to use the energy of her own love to power her magic. It is not a perfect system, so she often needs to supplement it by feeding off others, but it allows her to survive much longer with longer times in between feedings than a normal changeling. Pinkie is not a changeling queen, but neither is she a drone. She is a pony, and ponies, whether they hail from the land or the sea, know how to love. Pinkie is even more unique because she loves everypony without reservation. Even those that may have hurt her in the past.” She glanced at the seaking watching them from the waves. He had enough grace to look ashamed.
“Because her love for her family and the ponies on this island was so strong,” Celestia continued, “Pinkie did not need the love of others to power the spell that changed her. She was able to power it all by herself.”
Discord looked down, a little disappointed. “Don’t look so sad my friend. The love you have for Pinkie still plays a part in all of this.”
Discord laughed awkwardly. “What? Love? When did I ever say I loved her? I never said that!”
“Yes you did!” Pinkie corrected. “You said it earlier when mmmffm-“ Discord clamped her muzzle shut with a leather strap.
“Silly Pinkie,” Discord said leaning his elbow on her head and giving her mane a condescending pat. “Don’t believe a word she says. She’s always coming up with crazy things!” Pinkie glared at him, making Celestia chuckle.
“If you did not love her and sincerely want to help her, you would not have had the power to break that arm bracelet,” Celestia explained with a smile. “Because of your sincere feelings, you were able to save everyone in this fair village, including Pinkie, even if you did, perhaps, get a little carried away with things.” He shrugged nonchalantly, as Pinkie tried pulling the strap off of her muzzle. She tugged at it fiercely for a moment until it finally came off with a loud pop.
“Pinkie you have a great responsibility now,” Celestia continued, turning to the mare. “The changeling magic Chrysallis used on you has given you great powers. You have always been more in tune with magic than other ponies of your race, but now that is going to be magnified. As long as you continue to love and care for the ponies around you and spread happiness and cheer, you will not have any problems.”
“You mean if I don’t love ponies I’m gonna die?!” Pinkie screeched with a terrified expression. Then she suddenly grinned. “Okey dokey lokey! I have no problem with that.”
“How can you say you have no problem with that?” Discord blurted. “What if you stop loving ponies?”
Pinkie shook her head. “Don’t worry Dizzy,” she reassured him. “That’s never gonna happen, ‘cause you and me are gonna travel all over Equestria together finding more and more ponies to love, spreading cheer and happiness all over the world!!”
Discord stared at her. “We’re doing what now?”
“Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!” Pinkie screeched excitedly, ignoring Discord and turning to the princess. “Does this mean I can shapeshift now?”
“Yes it does, my little pony,” Celestia said.
“So I can turn back into a seapony whenever I want?” she asked.
Celestia smiled. “You can turn into any shape you see fit.”
Pinkie’s eyes lit up and she bounced up and down happily. “Even a hippopotamus?!” Before anyone could say otherwise, Pinkie took a deep breath and with a flash a large pink hippo stood in her place. “This is the most fantastic thing ever!” she said. Or she tried to say. All anypony around her heard was happy hippo grunts.
While Pinkie pranced around in her new form, Celestia turned to Discord. “Discord, I’m placing Pinkie Pie in your care,” she said. “Her magic is very unique and until she learns how to properly use and understand it, she is going to need guidance. I see nopony more fit than you to provide it. Take care of her.”
Discord looked touched. “Thank you, Celly.” The princess nodded at him in acknowledgment.
The moment was ruined, however, when, in her excitement, Pinkie suddenly leapt at Discord, squashing him. “Pinkie!” Discord gasped, arms flailing underneath Pinkie’s considerable girth. “Breathe! Can’t!” There was another flash and pinkie was a landpony again.
“Better?” Pinkie asked on top of Discord’s chest.
After taking several deep breaths, he smiled and patted her on the head. “Much.”
Pinkie gave him a strange look. She wasn’t sure if she should try it again, but that was Cheese and this was Discord, and – before she could think of any excuse not to, she leaned forward and kissed Discord full on the lips. Shocked, Discord didn’t respond at first, but he was very soon kissing her back.
In the ocean, King Igneous gave a small smile as he watched his daughter break away from Discord and hop around the draconequus, laughing and grinning on the beach. “Captain Sea Foam,” the king said.
The Captain snapped to attention. “Yes, my king?”
“Tell the soldiers it’s time to return home,” he commanded. “The war is off.”
“Yes, my king!” the Captain replied with a relieved smile. He blew the conch shell once and signaled the soldiers to head back. One by one, the soldiers disappeared under the waves. Soon only Maud and the king were left.
“I think Pinkie is really happy here with Discord,” Maud said as they watched couple on the beach.
King Igneous sighed. “Yes, I think so too.” Meekly, he turned to Maud. “I’m sorry for accusing you of treachery and disowning you.”
“It was Chrysallis’s fault,” Maud replied. “I don’t blame you.”
“I do,” Igneous revealed, causing Maud to stare at him. “If I hadn’t gotten so caught up in my own grief and turned the entire kingdom into my own personal pit of misery, Pinkie never would have had any reason to run away and Chrysallis never would have been able to use me in this way.”
“I’m sure Pinkie understands,” Maud reassured him.
“I hope so,” he replied. “Come on. It’s time we went back home.”
“Shouldn’t we tell Pinkie goodbye?” Maud asked.
Igneous shook his head. “Let’s not bother her.” Maud frowned at his reply as he dove under the waves, but followed him anyway.
On the beach, as Celestia was telling Discord that she fully expected him to fulfill all of his duties as prince of chaos now that he had his powers back, Pinkie was distracted when she heard a loud splash. She turned to the water just in time for her to see her father and Maud disappear beneath the waves. She frowned, sad that her father left before she was able to talk to him. She had really wanted to try and patch things up between them, but maybe he didn’t want to.
“So Pinkie, where do you want to go first?” Discord said, growing bored with Celestia’s talk about responsibility and interrupting the alicorn in mid-rant. Celestia rolled her eyes at him, but stopped talking. To Pinkie’s surprise, Discord lifted her up and placed her on his shoulders. She immediately brightened and giggled, grabbing onto him around his neck so she wouldn’t fall. “If we’re gonna travel Equestria spreading love and laughter everywhere, we should probably start right away.”
One year later.
“Now don’t be nervous, Pinkie,” Discord said as he straightened his blue bowtie in a mirror. They were in his chambers in the Canterlot Castle, getting ready for an important diplomatic meeting with the princesses between Equestria and another country. Normally, Discord wasn’t present for these sorts of things, since he struggled with being, well, diplomatic, but this was a special occasion. The princesses had requested Pinkie’s presence at the meeting, and Pinkie had insisted on bringing Discord.
“Nervous? Who said anything about being nervous? I’m not nervous! No siree bob! No worries here!” Pinkie said shakily. Her eye twitched and sweat was starting to show through the bright blue dress with that she was wearing. When a trumpet sounded outside, Pinkie jumped to the ceiling with a loud scream. Discord dusted off his yellow suit, and nonchalantly floated up to where she clung to a light fixture.
“I think this counts as nerves, my dear,” he said with a smirk.
“Hehehe,” Pinkie laughed weakly.
Inside Celestia’s meeting room, the princess sat at a large, round wooden table with three other ponies. “It is an honor to reestablish trade with your people once more, old friend,” Celestia said.
Next to her, King Igneous bowed his head. “The honor is mine,” he replied. “Thank you once again for using your magic to turn Maud,” he gestured to the mare on his right, “and me into landponies so that we could meet with you. I never should have cut ties with your country in the first place.”
“A tragedy such as yours is not an easy thing to bear,” Princess Luna, a dark blue alicorn sitting on Celestia’s other side responded. “We do not blame you.”
“How is the search for Queen Chrysallis going?” Maud asked.
“We have not yet been able to locate her,” Celestia said gravely, “but Discord and Pinkie have taken it upon themselves to find her. I’m sure she will be brought to justice soon.”
At the mention of his daughter’s name, the king looked around the room a bit anxiously. “Speaking of Pinkamena, will she be joining us?”
Celestia nodded. “She should be making her way here as we speak.” Just then the door to the chamber creaked slowly open. It was about a third of the way open when a loud explosion suddenly blew the door across the room revealing a slightly burnt looking Pinkie and Discord.
“What’d ya do that for, Dizzy?” Pinkie whined. “I was trying to open it!”
Discord shrugged. “What? You were taking too long!”
“Was not!”
“Was too!”
As King Igneous watched the pair argue, something strange happened to him. He felt a warm, burbling sensation in chest that quickly built up in pressure until it burst out of him in the form of a loud, slightly rusty, but heartfelt guffaw. At the sound, Pinkie stopped her argument with Discord to stare at her father in shock. “Oh Pinkie,” the king said with a grin. “How I have missed you!”
Just like that, all the nerves Pinkie had felt at thought of seeing her father again were completely gone. Without a second thought, she leapt over the table and tackled her father into a tight hug.
A few hours later, Pinkie Pie awoke in a very strange, very dry cave. For a moment, she panicked. She had never been out of water before. What if she couldn’t breathe? Where were her gills? She sat up suddenly and realized she was on some sort of cushiony couch. She looked around and saw a firepit in the middle of the cavern that shed light on haphazardly placed, brightly colored furniture. Fire. There was no fire under the sea, but she had seen pictures of it. Suddenly, everything came back to her. Her conversation with the seawitch. The mad swim to the surface. She removed the blanket that was covering her, and looked down at her newly formed hind legs and fluffy landpony tail. She wiggled her legs experimentally, and then winced at the pain. Right. The seawitch did say her hind legs would hurt the first day. Ah well. She’d deal with it. She was good with pain. It would be worth it after all, if she could hear a pony laugh.
“Weeelllll hell-o , my little pony!” said a voice from behind her. Pinkie turned, and then moved quickly away from the serpentine mismatched monster that had just walked into the cave. “Oh don’t be like that,” said the draconequus. “I did save your life after all. Found you this morning lying unconscious in the sand like a beached whale, if whales were small, pink, and pony-shaped.” He smiled and Pinkie relaxed a tiny bit. “Are you hungry? Do you want some fish stew?” Pinkie’s eyes grew wide and she vigorously shook her head. Seaponies didn’t eat fish, and she sincerely hoped landponies didn’t either. “No? Well, I might have a carrot or something lying around,” Discord opened a pantry and began tossing out miscellaneous objects. You and I would have recognized pots, pans, a bright red floppy disk, an easel, and even a gramophone as they flew across the room, but Pinkie, being a seapony and never having had a need for such things before, hadn’t the faintest idea what any of them were. She walked clumsily up to the gramophone (ignoring the pain in her newly formed back legs), and was suddenly seized by the desire to look inside it. “Ah! Here’s something! How do you feel about bananas?” He asked poking his head out of the cupboard only to see Pinkie’s flank sticking out of the gramophone horn. She kicked her back legs, helplessly stuck. Discord chuckled softly. “Here let me help,” he said. He grabbed hold of her legs and gave a mighty tug until she popped out of the horn and landed on top of him. Pinkie noticed that he was much softer than he looked. That, and the fact that he had helped her instead of gobbling her up on the spot, made her much less frightened of the beast. She smiled at him as way of thanks.
“Yes, yes you’re welcome, now please GET OFF ME!” Discord pushed her onto the floor. “I do not enjoy being sit upon by ponies.” He walked over to the cupboard and handed her a banana. “Here. It’s all I could find.” Pinkie licked the banana experimentally.
“Now my dear –“ Discord began, but then stopped suddenly. Wide-eyed, he watched Pinkie eat the banana, peel and all, in one single gulp. “Er…Where are you from?” He finished a little lamely.
Pinkie brightened and opened her mouth to speak, but then frowned when nothing came out. “What? Do you not remember?” Discord asked. Pinkie shook her head. “So you do remember,” Discord said. Pinkie nodded. “You just can’t tell me,” Discord guessed. Pinkie nodded again. “Hmmm…well that’s interesting…and annoying. Can you write it down or something? Oh. I don’t have any paper. That won’t work.” While Discord thought, Pinkie made pictures on the cave’s sandy floor. Wait, she thought. Sand. Pictures. Ide a!
She drew a picture of herself as a sad seapony, the seawitch grinning wickedly, and then a picture of herself growing legs. After she was done, she poked Discord and pointed at the drawings. He scratched his head. “Er…yes, um, very nice pictures. Are those fish? What is that bulbous growth on this one?” He pointed to the fluffy hair Pinkie had drawn on her seapony self. She frowned. “And why does that fish have a stick embedded in its head?” He gestured to the seawitch’s horn. Pinkie only pointed at the pictures again in reply. “So they’re not fish?” Discord asked. Pinkie shook her head. “Right. I knew that! They’re obviously…” he scrunched up his face in concentration. He looked at the last drawing’s squiggily limbs. “Um…s-“ Pinkie looked up at him expectantly. “-squid?” Pinkie’s face fell. “Really, really deformed squid?” he said hopefully. Pinkie sighed and shook her head.
Discord rolled his eyes. “Well whatever.” He plopped onto an armchair and crossed his arms. “It’s not my fault you can’t draw!”
After thinking for a moment, Pinkie went outside and came back with a rather large, very much alive fish. Discord raised an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t like fi – oh dear Celestia! What are you doing?” Pinkie had jumped, back feet first, into the fish’s mouth and pulled it up to her middle. She flipped her new ‘tail’ at Discord happily. “Erm…you got eaten by a fish?”
Pinkie facehoofed. “Oh wait! I know! You’re a seapony!” Discord suddenly cried. Pinkie nodded emphatically. “Oh what joy! A seapony of my very own!” He grabbed Pinkie and twirled her around in his excitement. The fish squelched off of her and landed on the floor where it flailed about helplessly. “Wait,” Discord said, stopping midtwirl. “If you were really a seapony, then why are you a landpony now?”
Pinkie wiggled out of his grasp and pointed at the last drawing. Discord thought for a moment. “You were turned into a landpony?” Pinkie nodded. She wrote 3 days into the sand next to the drawing. “You’re a landpony for three days?” Pinkie drew a heart. “To…er…find love? That might be a bit difficult for you my dear. What happens if you don’t?” Pinkie drew a gravestone. “What? You die?!” Discord cried, outraged. “What kind of children’s story is this?! Hans Christian Ander – oooh, I get it.” Discord laid on his stomach so he was eyelevel with Pinkie. “Tell you what, my dear. I think we can help one another.” He poked her snout. “You need to find a very special somepony. I need get Celestia off my back so I can get off this chaos-forsaken island. I can provide you with lodging and, as the master of seduction that I am, I can get you the pony of your dreams. All I ask for in return is that you tell…or, er, gesture to Princess Celestia about what a reformed and honorable citizen I am.” He put his claw out for her to shake. “Do we have a deal?” Pinkie thought for a moment. Trusting this weird creature might be the most terrible mistake of her life. Then again, she didn’t have many other options at the moment. She shook his claw.
Discord jumped up in joy. “Huzza! Let’s go to town and find you a stallionfriend! Or marefriend. Are you into mares? No? Alright.” He picked her up, and was about to let her ride on his shoulders so they could get to town faster, when he suddenly got a good whiff of her. His skin turned green. “First, you might want to bathe. You smell like fish.”
