Chapters A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 2: These are not the Shivering Isle
Author's Note
Chapter two, hope this chapter gives away a good setup on what is to come.
Chapter 2: These are not the Shivering Isle
Chapter 2: These are NOT the Shimmering Isles
Edited by: Cosmic Flash, Neon Scar
My eyes immediately shot open the moment I became conscious. How do I know I am conscious? Well the fact that I was breathing and feeling things around me. Things that normally should be absent when you add the concept of death into it.
But then again, I personally have no Idea how being dead feels like so this could easily be a pretty normal experience as well.
“Talking about experiences…where the hell am I?” I wondered.
Well Hell, I certainly don’t feel any heat or excruciating pain, or hear the everlasting screams of the damned, and even more important no Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga music.
So really this CANNOT be Hell.
“But still, where am I?” I continued to wonder as I continued to gaze up at the star filled darkness above me. Stars that should be impossible to see where I am from simply because of another human made phenomenon known as light pollution.
How light can be described as dirt is crazy for me…which is why I like it and give it a thumbs up on YouTube if it had its own channel. I am a sucker for crazy and stupid things. After all, it cracks me right up.
There was even a visible aurora on the corner of my vision which immediately gave me all sorts of hopeful ideas.
Mental gasp “Am I perhaps on the Shivering Isles? Can I go fuck both the golden Saints and Dark Seducers now and personally have an epic cheese party with Sheogorath himself? Oh yes that would certainly be a death worth dying for in my opinion.” I thought to myself with a grin as all kinds of crazy and nonsensical shenanigans are running through my head. Not to mention having the chance of becoming the prince of madness himself if I go kick Jyggalag in the chins.
Screw the boring call center job my cousin wanted me to partake in, I am going to become the Daedric Prince of Madness himself. Then I can use my new powers to annoy my annoying next door neighbor even more. The asshole had it coming ever since his balls dropped.
YES… finally, all of my procrastinating and knowledge of the elder scrolls is finally going to pay off. Shows those silly little naysayers who always kept on japing that I should stop being lazy and finally get a job of my own just like my cousins. Finally I will have my place to shine and to finally….
“Wait…these are not the Shivering Isles.” I realized right after I bothered myself to lift my head a little bit to get a better look at my surroundings.
What I saw was nothing more than the dark and disgusting walls of a city alley way and not the fantasy realm of Madness and endless fun that I hoped for.
Why disgusting? Well because there was a piece of an uneaten pizza slice right next to me. Covered in mold and whatever else kind of fungus that even Shigeru Miyamoto cannot come up with.
I am probably thinking of a completely different kind of Fungus, but for me fungus is fungus nonetheless.
I frowned. “HACKS, HACKS, FRAUD SWINDLE UNFAIR I DEMAND A REFUND.” I ranted in my head.
Truly, this was bullshit in so many levels. This could easily be worse than hell in my opinion, all that is missing is some Lady Gaga music on stage sized loud speakers and I am ready to tear my own fucking head off.
At least send me to Disneyland for fuck sake if it’s not going to be the Shivering Isles, is that too much to ask? The only and first time I ever visited the most magical place on earth was when I was three. So that doesn’t count.
Oooh I am feeling TRIGGERED right now, or at least I would be if a little detail didn’t escaped me the moment I tried to get up to rant like a child who just had been denied his favorite toy.
I simply and easily fell back down to the ground the moment I got up, face first mind you.
“shung ofh ah voking bish.” I cried into the cobblestone.
What a glorious new start as a dead man, maybe bleach would have been a better supplement compared to Rat Poison. But then again, the bleach was down below in another cupboard which would have forced to duck in order to get it.
Not going too happened in the state I was in.
Now anyway. Why the hell did I fall down and lose my balance so bloody quickly you may wonder? Well that is simple. It’s because the body that I have been in and grown accustomed to too pretty much all of my life is NOT the same body I woke up in.
In fact it only became even more apparent to me the moment I mimicked the pope, that my body felt off and weird for some reason. Weirder than normal to be honest.
I wasted no time in rolling myself back on my back before forcing myself to sit somewhat upright to finally get a better look at me, and what I saw was…honestly something I have grown pretty much accustomed too ever since my first fever dream when I was Six.
“Either this is a dream or I really have lost my cloths and now I am butt naked with fur covering my skin.” I wondered to myself as I observed my newly decorated fur. Peanut butter in color to be precise, not only that but I had a dark chestnut colored length of thick hair sticking out right under and in-between my legs which I guess is some sort of tail.
Talking about legs, I guess you can call them hind legs now judging by the way they are shaped, not to mention the stubs they end in which where some kind of hooves if I had to guess.
I lifted my left arm to confirm my thoughts and, yes…yes they are hooves indeed.
So apparently I am a Horse now, or at least a very small one if the size of the dumpster to my right is any to go by.
So basically, I died and somehow got reincarnated as a horse foal of some sorts. Really I have seen much more stranger shit in my dreams then this.
This is nothing, not even close and surprisingly a lot more family friendly as well. Even most of my normal dreams are crazier than this.
“So I drink Rat poison, prove the concept of reincarnation with it and got turned into a miniature equine as an end result? Seems legit.” I thought to myself while rubbing my chin.
For the sake of further investigation I also managed to realize that both my form and the colors and style around me seem a lot more cartoonish in my eyes then they should. Especially given my love and longtime experience of watching a lot of cartoons in my life, especially in my young adult years.
“Well, another check for the list then.” I mentally noted.
What list is that you may ask? Uh…well just a list of crazy and outlandish things I eventually came up with when I was bored out of my mind in one of my chemistry classes in high school.
So anyway, I am a horse now and most likely not on earth anymore. Which is good I guess as I don’t have to watch or hear about my own funeral. That would just be depressing.
Also that means I don’t have to deal with my stupid ass neighbor as well which is always a bonus in my books. Who would mostly likely be dancing on my grave which I don’t need to think about as of now.
Now it is time to explore my new situation and to find out what this place and new body have to offer. For starters let’s first check if I am still tripping balls or not.
I did just that, spreading my new hind legs like a prostitute bitch at the Reeperbahn street in Hamburg and trying to bend myself far enough to see what it holds.
“Yup still a dick.” I thought to myself with satisfaction.
With that now case now dealt with it was time to get off this cold ass cobblestone floor and dust myself off. Knowing that I am a quadruped now saved me yet another encounter with the flat wall of china and its kiss of nosebleed.
Standing on all fours is weird at first but with a lot more practice I should have the hang of it going sooner than later.
I dared to stick my head out of the dark Alley that I awoke in to see what else might or may not be outside of it, only for me to raise my brows as I saw more, larger horses in all shaped and even colors cantering around buildings that kind of remind of both Renaissance and Victorian style architecture at the same time.
I would have loved to evaluate how such an architectural combination is rather pointless when a sudden shift from behind broke my focus. I turned myself around to see what it could be, only to find a limp sticking out from behind the same dumpster I measured my predicted size from.
Wobbling closer to it I was a bit surprised to find out that it was another equine, though this one looked dirty and ruffled up with some rugged clothing covering most of his form. This world’s version of a Hobo if I am not mistaken.
“A horse Hobo huh? Very interesting.” I thought to myself while rubbing my chin.
Yes it seems that my limbs seemed to share the same dexterity as a human's. For a common and normal sense mind this is ridiculous, given the fact that I am a mini horse. But for me this couldn’t possibly be more normal for the same reasons I have already listed before. Plus I am FAR more open minded when it comes to shit like this. Multiverse theory and what not, plus this place looks like a cartoon as well so that makes it even easier to give the suspension of disbelieve.
What was surprising though was the fact that this homeless germ infested “wollknoll” was clutching both MY mug and MY tablet instead of that bottle of booze sitting right next to him.
How these two made it here I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care either as I am more concerned about this guy keeping MY stuff.
I frowned. “Meinz.” I thought while grabbing my mug away from him with both of my hooves.
I personally bought it in a Korean knick knack shop a couple of years back so I have the absolute right of ownership for it. No Hobo can have MY mug.
“A Horn? Not only I am I a tiny horse but also every little girl's dream as well? Double intriguing.” I mentally noted as I reached up a hoof to touch my brand new head accessory by tapping it.
Now some of you might be wondering why the hell I am not freaking out about all of this and the fact that I got basically turned into a unicorn foal judging by my overall size in comparison to everything else here.
Well it’s simple, ONE: I have already seen way more weirder shit in both my dreams and the freaking internet, and TWO: I just freaking died ok. So basically getting transported into a different world after my death and getting turned into a new species isn’t really that much of a brain turner when you know that you just died.
Especially for me.
Plus this might be the beginning of something new which I will take full advantage of. Plus I am somewhat MAD as well so there is that. I have no problems to openly acknowledge that I am crazy, because that is what I am anyway…or at least that is what the others tell me.
Mostly my teachers during my school days.
I scratched my head. “Whatever, my tablet.” I thought before swiftly grabbing my flat tech as well. This though had the result of causing the guy to groan and move, trying to reach for something else while staying asleep.
I just puckered my new horse lips as I just pushed the still half full bottle of possible kidney failure towards his searching forelimbs with predictable results.
Grab and snag before turning himself towards the fall behind him and dozing off once more.
“Well…” I began to think. ”What now?” I wondered while looking down at both my acquired things which by the way are now much, much larger than I prefer for obvious reason.
Well except for the mug. The bigger the better. That just means allot more coffee from me.
That though only left one problem. How to take my stuff with me in my current state and form?
That’s when the obvious struck me once more. Taking my mug first I tentatively placed it onto of my head as both its size and shape was perfect for my current size to use it as a makeshift head dress. Though a bit heavy and bulky.
HA, that’s what SHE said… no really.
With my mug transportation momentarily solved that only left my personal fingerprint magnet. The answer for it was clear as well…or at least at the moment.
Just try and balance it on my back and hope that I won’t get distracted with something else and unavoidably drop it on the ground. Impossible for me and my naturally short attention span, but then again when it does fall it won’t be as disastrous as most would think, simply because I am not very tall to begin with.
I am almost dragging across the ground with my size.
“Well this has to suffice I guess.” I thought to myself as I tried to lift and maneuver the bloody thing onto my back.
Being a quadruped now does have its major disadvantages after all…like being a fucking quadruped for example. I will always miss my hands, especially my right one. Such useful tools of nature and one of the few things where she wasn’t drunk on cocaine when actually trying to make something new.
I am looking at you house fly, nobody likes flies and I mean no one.
“ADVENTURE TIME.” I mentally shouted while thrusting up my imaginary swords and telling Finn and Jake to piss off because I am stealing the show now.
Fun question, why am I thinking all of this rather than openly speaking them out? Well that’s simple…I have no bloody idea.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
The little filly awoke from her slumber. A distant muffled voice managed to wake her up. She rolled to her other side, her tiny equine ears perking up at the sounds as she rubbed her eyes.
She wasn’t sure what it is or what is going on, but she was awake now so there really wasn’t much need to go back to sleep. Plus a sense of curiosity took a hold of her as she began to focus more on whatever was making that ruckus.
She was able to pinpoint that the noises were coming from outside her room, specifically past the door that separated her from the rest of her home.
She flicked her tiny ears a couple of times before climbing off of her bed. Her tiny hooves creating quiet clopping sounds as she touched the floor.
She immediately clip clopped her way over to the door following the sounds. Her tiny tail swishing left and right a bit in anticipation as the noise slowly grew louder the closer she got to the door.
Sadly she was still far too small to effectively reach the door handle on her own as she longingly looked up at it with her big purple eyes. She eventually decided to just press one of her ears against its smooth and clean surface in hopes to hear enough to understand what all of that ruckus was about.
For her it sounded like shouting, some of which had very distinctive and recognizable voices. They were arguing about something but she was far too young to fully understand or comprehend what they were arguing about.
She does recognize though that one of those voices was her mean grandpa who always seemed to look at her with that unsettling look.
A look she feared.
She quickly removed herself from the door before shaking her head. She didn’t liked these sounds so she decided to just head back to bed and wait until they were over.
Maybe then her mother could come into her room and lead her to the kitchen for some breakfast, and maybe even take her outside to the park.
She always wondered when they could go there again.
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A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 3: Ich will nicht in die Klapsmühlen...noch nicht
Chapter 3: Ich will nicht in die Klapsmühlen…noch nicht.
“Who knew that death can lead to Hobo-hood?” I thought to myself as I woke up from my uncomfortable made shift bed, made out of papers and piled up cardboard.
It had been a few days since I woke up this new afterlife of mine. An afterlife that quickly sucked donkey ass as I soon found out. Even though this world was allot more colorful and…smooth lined in comparison to the one I just left because of irresponsible family members and lack of sleep, this was -in the end- all that this world has in improvements. These horses, or quote on quote PONIES as I found out sooner than later by eavesdropping on certain conversations where even more self-centered assholes then my own goddam math teacher back in high school, minus the self-centered part which is WHY it’s worse.
This is one of the only places where giving me a flamethrower would be a really bad idea, simply because of the fact that I might just actively run with it like an even greater lunatic then I’m already am and shouting things like “burn it with fire”.
One of the reason why you should never let me visit Australia, because I fucking hate there overgrown Spiders.
Anyway thankfully it where just the once with the fancy clothes that acted like that with the naked once being the perfect models of a decent, justified member of society. Or ponyciety or whatever you like to slang it.
Funny how I am now openly preferring hippies at this point.
Either way it was thanks to said hippies that I at least managed to get some food and water into me by using my incredible charm and new found added perks of diabetes in fur to aww and oooh the much larger variant of my new species into a sense of pity.
I also managed to learn that these talking rainbow colored horses where speaking perfectly English as well for some random reason or chance as well. Like why? I am literally in a completely different world filled with wonders and real hoodoo woodoo to beat it off if the abilities these unicorn preformed is anything legit. Yet this world speaks the same language as the Amis and the Brits do.
Why? If English is on the table then why not French as well? Or German? Or Swedish or maybe even fucking Hentai Japanese with their helium inhaled female voices? If we are going with the “most spoken language approach” that this wheel of chance seems to be operating with then shouldn’t these living crayons be speaking in Mandarin?
I mean there are allot more yellow peoples speaking ching chang chong then there are capitalist racists speaking tea time and biscuits.
Furthermore why does EVERYTHING has to speak and understand fucking English in the first place? No matter what universe or species we are talking about in the realms of fantasies or sci-fi, or whatever crazy nonsensical rules this world seems to operate with…everybody speaks English no matter what.
What is it with the universe and English anyway? Even diploma nerds say it’s a flawed language, and I had so much trouble learning this piece of crap back when I was still picking my nose in a regular bases. It’s like….AHHHHHHHHHHH
With my regular morning rants out of the way I forced myself to focus on the task at hand in regards to my still somewhat problematic situation.
Like trying to steal myself some DAMN coffee from one of those Cafés that these equine seem to love so much. I am so longing for a cup of coffee now, especially given all of this bull. I have my mug with me but no means to use it other than as a temporary helmet.
“Now that I am thinking about it. Do these ponies even have cheese? I could use some as well.” I thought while pushing myself on all fours.
Oh and also I managed to learn how to have a better grasp on my new four legged nature. Having to sit like a dog now and crapping like one as well…not the most rewarding feeling I have to say.
Either way, today seems to be once more another day of trying to control the pity of ponies around me and maybe even get some coffee my only mug.
But then again, I doubt they would give a “child” some caffeine in the first place. I did it once to one of my out town cousins (I have allot of them) for SCIENCE reason…and the results where…predictable. He became hype and couldn’t sleep in the same day which forced him spend an all-nighter by himself. Really nothing CRAZY or goofy like you see in cartoons.
But hey at least he had some Netflix to watch the whole night. So overall an experiment which ended in total and absolute success in my books.
Anyway, enough flashbacking. The stupid sun is shining and I have a full day of exploring to do and trying to brainwash more natives for my upcoming army of Care Bears horse clones to take over the world and them march on the gates of Carealot and watch it BURN.
I will make those Care Bears CARE for their lives once my conquest has been completed. I shall either smite them with my superior sugar rush or just use my own hoodoo voodoo to WHOO them into submission.
Yes, it did not escaped me that MY race can perform sparkle, sparkles with their horns. A horn that I have too, but no means of using it for obvious reasons.
I blame my sentimentality of skipping every MAGIC tutorial in every RPG. Why, because all I ever wanted to do was shot lighting out of my fingertips like a Sith that’s why. You don’t need a tutorial for that.
With all though said and done I placed my mug onto my head, balanced my tablet on my back and practice my “looking really pathetic” expression in front of a reflective scrap of alloy before heading out from my little alley corner in the search of more pry. Normally rubbing some gunk and dirt onto my fur would help make you look even more pathetic, but living on the streets for a few days already has accumulated enough shit on me that I really don’t need to do that anymore.
Plus I haven't washed it off ever since as well. See how well fucking nature can sometimes do sometimes right instead of all of the bull she mostly loves to pull.
I didn’t take me two steps out of the alley when my train of thought and lack of focus once more almost got me floored for the second time. Though this time by the unpredictable collision with another pony, or more like me causing said pony to trip on me while knocking me flat onto the ground at the same time.
Why is this relevant? Well it isn’t, just annoying to say the least, and painful too.
“Uff…watch where you are going. For the love of…” My “Rambock” argued before first laying her eyes on me.
She was a blue pony. A mare if my knowledge of horses is to be trusted, with orange hair and a horn jutting out from her locks. Another Unicorn, just like the majority of pones I have seen so far.
I say so far because I have seen hornless once before, but there were few and far between from what I can tell.
I glared up at her while she just looked down with shock and a huge level of concern when she realized that I was just a kid…a kid covered in all kinds of shit.
“Oh by Celestia a foal. A little foal living in the streets?” She exclaimed while quickly getting up on all fours.
I was about to retort to her before I realized that I couldn’t. Either I was too young or I my new vocal cords were just unable to really produce any speech which was both strange and a bit concerning on my part.
How the hell can I annoy those around me or tell peoples to piss off when I can’t verbally do so. Can’t do that with my hands either because I don’t have any fucking hands anymore, so no more flipping the bird towards peoples for me.
Bloody fantastic. How can I pick my nose now? Serious real life crises peoples, you can place your marriages and family issues down the junk bucket, because if a man loses his ability to pick his nose similar to a woman unable to go shopping in her favorite mall then you know shit is real. That or maybe losing access to his favorite show on television. Don’t know which one is worse. But then again, I never had the issue of the former because of the internet.
While all of those distracting and very common thoughts were running through my noggin, the mare seem to have took my sense of silence as a sign that maybe something was wrong, or maybe something was wrong with ME to be more accurate.
Why, well because she immediately began to bend down and closely look at me. Even going so far as to rest a hoof on my left cheek.
“Whoa there lady, stranger danger, STRANGER DANGER!!!”
“By Celestia you look all scrapped, dirty and a bit malnourished too, and you look barley to be five in age.” She went on while completely looking me over.
I would have loved to make a remark on how all the ladies love to get close to me when the whole “being barely 5” part quickly stole my attention instead. Never would I have guessed that I might have been THAT young to begin with.
I mean sure, I am tiny compared to all of these adults but still. Being barely old enough to fit into kindergarten was really something to think about. Manley in how smart I will feel when surrounded by equally aged kids for the first time.
For the first time, I will the smartest kid in class and not that weird out of town teacher’s pet who always gets straight A’s and gets bullied by those who prefer sports instead of math. Only difference NOW is that I will chew those bullies out while not giving too much of a shit about most of school except for maybe history classes.
I am a sucker for history after all.
Either way the mare continued to go on about invading my personal private space and touching this and that until her need for child molesting finally stopped. A look of realization flashing through her blue head before frantically starting to look around herself in the search of something…or someone to be precise.
“uhm…ex…excuse me sir but…may I have your time for a moment?” She called out towards a stallion working in one of the Cafés dominating this street.
The stallion in question wearing your typical French waiter outfit looked up from whatever he was doing before trotting his way closer to the blue mare.
“Well sure I guess. What is it that I can help you with?” He responded in a very obvious accent that just made me raise an eyebrow.
“So they do have French in this world.”
The mare nods before pointing a hoof at me. “Do you perhaps know who this foal is and to whom it might belong to? He looks as if the poor little fella has been leaving in the streets for years.” She questioned, which in turn caused the stallion to look down at me.
A look of know how crosses his features. To be honest I do remembering seeing him too from time to time when I go a bother the honest citizens of this place about my problems and plight by forcing them to ignore their own.
The ones who aren’t jerks of course. They can fully keep their own problems for all I care.
“Oh yes him, I do know him.” He exclaimed. “This foal has been around these streets since the start of this week, trotting around all alone and silently begging passing ponies and even some customers for some food and drinks. I personally have no idea who he is or where he is from, but I always suspected that there was something more…pressing about this child here.” He explained which in turn caused the mare to look at the stallion in shock.
“So does this mean that nopony is responsible for this foal and that he might be a lonely and abandoned orphan all together?” She question further.
The stallion nods. “I believe so, I mean I have seen the little guy constantly retreat back into that backstreet alley over there whenever he received food.” He pointed out.
The mare just continued to look on shocked before quickly being replaced with pity as her gaze landed back on me.
I just gave her the “so what now” look in return before she surprised me by suddenly picking me up from the ground with her fore hooves.
Once more stranger danger.
“Oh you poor colt, how and why would anypony ever abandon their foal like this is just beyond me, and quiet disgusting as well.” She announced with a look of disgust at the last part.
“Well then it’s a good thing you somehow managed to stumble…or well caused ME to stumble upon you in the first place. I know you might not fully understand what I am saying to you at the moment but you are looking at the headmistress of Canterlot's first and only Orphanage. You will be in much better hoofs then out here in the harsh and unforgiving streets of Canterlot.” She happily explained and giving me a smile at the end.
That news though had the completely opposite reaction in me as she was most likely expecting. A feeling of dread welling up inside me.
“Oh no, not the fucking orphanage.” I thought as the typical and common depictions of orphanages in both movies and games flooded my mind.
Not to mention all of these KIDS . I mean I have nothing against them but even I have my limits. Unbelievable I know.
All of those thoughts about abusive caretakers and Nazi like propaganda are flooding through my mind as the now know headmistress placed me on her back to carry me off into this world's version of Hell.
Maybe I am being a bit to dramatic about the “hell” part but I really don’t want to go into an orphanage, pedophilia is not my fetish.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don’t want to go there, if I wanted I would have gone there since the beginning and not bother myself to beg for food.” I Screamed in my mind as my mouth only did some weird grunting sounds.
Also she was about to leave behind my stuff as well. I don’t care where she takes me but I am NOT leaving without MY stuff. Where the hell am I going to drink my coffee from in the future?
I did the only sensible thing that I could think of at the moment, pulling her main really hard with my teeth and causing her to almost reel back like an actually horse.
Well she is a horse technically, just tiny, more colorful and WAY more talkative.
She twist her head back towards me with a glare. “Hey, just because you are a abandoned foal doesn’t mean that…” She tried to chide me before she noticed my own Glare and my gesture towards my things.
She blinked, before quickly understanding what I was trying to tell her.
“Wait…these things are yours?” She questioned stupidly which in turn caused me to facepalm mentally.
“Yes of course they are mine you blue Care Bear rip off.” I mentally screamed. I might now be on my way to a bloody orphanage run by either former prison wardens or self-inflicted pedophiles. But that still doesn’t mean that I am willing to allow myself to be bored out of my mind by not having my tablet with me which at least has some games, movies and songs stowed away inside its SD card. Battery won’t be an issue either simply because I quickly found out that the battery meter on the things was doing the “charging” animation nonstop ever since I got here.
Why? How? I don’t know and honestly I don’t care either. Things that are convenient are convenient and buffs are always welcomed in my book.
I just nod which did the trick. She quickly fired up her glow stick and perform her telekinesis on both of my things as they lazily came hovering towards us. I quickly grabbed them from midair which in turned surprised my new warden as her magic swiftly cuts out around my mug and tap. She just gave me another displeasing look before simply trotting along with me now sitting on her back.
“Great, ending up in a mental house faster than I have anticipated. Don’t care if it is just an orphanage or not. Having to deal with so many kids is surely going to test my own sanity. Even If I am a kid myself. I really wish I had some Coffee now.” I thought as my fate and destination where pretty much sealed at this point.
“Oh and by the way, my name is Deep Care in case you are wondering.” She suddenly introduced herself.
I just raised an eyebrow at that while leaning myself against her neck. “Deep care huh? Definitely a Pedophile then.” I thought to myself with pressed lips.
Besides being the equine version of care bears they now also have hippie names as well.
I blame my cousin for all of this.
A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 5: From Yogi Bear to Richie Rich
Chapter 5: From Yogi bear to Richie Rich
Edited by: pahnazd
“Hey, you.” Someone said from right under me, which forced me out of my relaxing trance. I looked down only to roll my eyes, knowing fully well who it was.
The three stooges of this place, where one lost their balls in a previous accident many years ago.
Tetra and her two “friends”. One girl, two dudes. Not only that, but they also were 5 years older than me. Well, in body at least.
She is a blue and purpled haired filly with an attitude problem so high that it is a wonder that she isn’t already choking from the vacuum of space. While her two goons, which I wonderfully dubbed as “Diddle Dim and Diddle-your- fur-color-is-puke-green”, since I haven’t bothered to remember their names.
They were onicorns too, which turns them into the three dickateers of legends. These three stick together like some weird form of a threesome too… which just perfectly paints the future these three jokers would be having.
A perfectly justified thought process, simply because these three deserve it for being your generic and very formulaic local bullies of the orphanages.
I already had my fair share of encounters with these three stooges and so far it ended pretty much the same way how it always did.
Just either ignoring them because of my obvious flaw of not being able to verbally confuse them with my slangs or just tell them to fuck off hard core, or just scream and just go completely loco on them the same way I did towards Care the day prior.
Either they back off or Deep Care shows up afterwards to defuse the bomb.
Highly undignified, but hey, I am a kid again, so whatever.
It kind of sucks being this young and this small again, especially without the ability to openly swear like a salty sailor. We all gotta start small whenever firing up a new game. But that still doesn’t mean I am willing to be patient.
CONSOLE COMMANDS BABY! Too bad I don’t have access to those outside of my games... otherwise what little morals I have left would automatically go out the freaking window and onto my neighbor’s garden. Chaos guaranteed and amusement to be had. I would turn my neighbor’s house into a gingerbread one and spawn an army of rats onto his property. Watch and be amuse at the carnage while filming it on a 4k camera that I would have spawned in as well for future generations, especially once the pest control team arrives. Just add one extra rodent for every one they catch.
I am going off track again.
I shook my head and looking back down, only to get a small rock hitting me square on the right cheek, which forced me to flinch back against the trunk of the tree.
Oh yeah, I am also resting on a tree branch. How did I got up here? No idea, and to be honest, I don’t care either. Makes me feel big and tall up here, being above all of these little toddlers. Especially towards those right below me.
I heard a series of giggles and chuckles afterwards while rubbing the sore spot on my cheek.
“Kids these days. Good thing I can’t use my voodoo hacks on you yet” I thought to myself with a bit of a grimace.
“Hey, did you know? Miss Deep Care has called all of you little babies over inside because of some grownups showing up to adopt one of your group, and she did NOT call you. Which isn’t really much of a surprise given how overly weird you are.” She explained while I was till busy looking off into the distance and not giving her any leg room to work from.
Again, kind of sucks to not be able to properly talk. Opening my big ass mouth is one of my main weapons after all. Silver tongue and spouting complete rubbish to confuse my adversaries.
“Yeah, plus he doesn’t even know how to talk yet. I think he is more stupid than weird.” One of the colts beside her announced which caused another series of chuckles.
“Nah, I think he is more loose in the head than anything else. No wonder he doesn’t even have any parents.” Tetra said once more, which just made me frown even more.
“Look who's talking. No wonder, with your attitude..”
To be fair, she wasn’t completely off the ball here. I am aware that my ways and mindset are… brow-rising to most, which obviously reflect in how people's tend to perceive me.
I blame those chaotic fevers dreams I tend to get most of the time.
It’s usually the crazy ones that are the most self-conscious on who they are and what they are doing. No genius in history was ever sane. Not that I am calling myself a genius or anything. I am just...unique in my own way, something that school never accepted.
Speaking of school, I will have to go back to it eventually. Great, I can already feel my brain cells disappearing behind a backroom door already. All those physics and math problems and other stupid shit I will never use, ever, except when I suddenly decide to become a physicist or any other job that requires university levels of mathematics.
Which… no. I am too comfortable of a person for that stuff. I prefer the finer aspect of life like games, music and art, and some history thrown in here and there, and sitting on my ass all day and just not giving a damn. Like right now, just ignoring these three bullies for the sake of not removing myself from my self proclaimed throne of the world which happens to be nothing but a random branch of an oak tree. Imaaaaagination.
That, and I honestly have no idea in how to get down.
A few more rocks and stick where being thrown up my way at this point, all of them luckily not reaching or hitting me. The thick branch below me just being a perfect shield. Harmless but still rather annoying.
“Seriously, you guys are like 10 and you are picking right now on a lone 5 year old for you own kinks? At least bully someone your own belt high. But then again, all wanna be bullies are pretty much the same, no matter what world or dimension you find yourself in.” I thought to myself while crossing my forelegs.
“Alex? Alex, where are you?” I suddenly heard someone call me from a distance, someone I know very well simply because all she ever does is call me.
I shouldn’t have written my name on that piece of paper for her. Now all she does is call me for things I don’t like, except when she is calling for breakfast, lunch and din-din.
“Oh applesauce, it's Miss Deep Care.” One of the colts announced.
“Applesauce? Really? I know a lot of kids back in my world that can produce much saltier swear words than that… actually, all of them.”
Tetra just laughed. “Probably just calling him to make sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid or poops on his tail.” She teased.
“Come on, let’s just do something else.” She announced.
Her two goons nod before following her, finally leaving me alone and sadly unable to get rid of the beans I had for lunch.
But then again… I already went prior to this so I have no idea where THAT idea came from. I guess I could have just thrown an acorn at them or something. But still… how the hell can I get down?
That’s when an idea struck me. I picked a random acorn from one of the branches above me with my mouth and dropped it onto my right hoof. I reeled back, took aim and threw the nut as hard as my stubby forearms could at the head of one of the bullies below me.
The effects were immediate, and predictable too as I heard an “ouch” coming from the girl’s muzzle before she turned around and glared up me.
Right about now I would be mentally questioning myself on the probabilities of hitting her in the first place, especially knowing that I am normally a terrible shot. But that thought had to be placed on the backburner for the moment, because now it was show time.
Or more like ass time for what I have in mind. Basically giving them a taste of there own medicine. In physical form no less.
Both her and her two Diglets immediately made their way back under me. All three of them staring up at me with glares, especially Tetra who was still rubbing the back of her head.
“Hey you little snitch, do you think that you can throw a tree nut at me and get away with it?” She shouted which just made me chuckle.
“She doesn’t even know what an acorn is. How cute.”
She was picking up a rock with her hoof, her intentions clear and for me my Qu on what I wanted to do.
With a leap of faith similar to the ASScreed games, but far less graceful, I flung myself right above these guys for a very obvious reason. All of their eyes widened in an instant, but it was too late as I landed right on top of both Tetra and her two friends with a loud thud.
A perfect landing to cushion my fall.
Well, somewhat cushion my fall, I don’t know what type of physics this world seems to be operating on but it seems to be mostly similar to the ones my world in enslaved with, i.e. this still didn’t feel as smooth as I was hoping for and still somewhat hurt myself in the process. But still a hell of a lot better than just jumping down with nothing below me.
Just rub the soreness from my back and everything should be fine, something I cannot say to the three now lying flat on the ground under me.
I honestly hope that I didn’t overdo it this time, otherwise this would be….
“Ohhh…..” All three of them moan almost in sync which immediately gave me the answer I needed.
Those three will fine. Children these days are allot more sturdier after all when I was there age 14 years ago.
I mean they are born in an age where lady Gaga and kanye west are ruling over the music industry, and having nothing to listen to besides stuff like these two does tend to toughen a person up. It this case childrens.
With a smile I hopped off of those three and made my way casually over to where I believe I heard Deep shout from. Well, as casually as a kid with a bit of a sore back can at least. I think my back managed to slightly graze Tetra’s horn on my landing. Need to check my back on a mirror if I have the free time. But I am sure that Deeps would be able to notice something on me when I go and see what got her jimmies in a bristle.
If this place even has jimmies to begin with. If they do then they probably have James as well, or John or maybe even Jamaica.
I eventually found her just standing at the back entrance of the orphanage, looking towards the left side of the yard where most of the kids were running about.
She eventually spots me at the halfway mark..
“There you are! Where in Celestia’s name have you been hiding again?” She asked while trotting over to me.
Again, I was inclined to say something, but obviously, couldn’t, so I just decided to point a hoof at the oak tree I was hanging about most of the day.
She just ignored my gesture before ushering me follow her. “Come on, a pair of nobles are looking for a foal your age range for adoption. Hurry up, they wished for all of the foals to be present before they would even make a final decision.” Deep care explained.
This just got me a bit salty to the fact that Tetra was actually right for once. Was she really intentionally forgetting me and just called in all of the kids in my age range except me?
“Real smooth there Deep, real bloody smooth to just dust me under the rug like that.”
I would have loved to mentally criticize her further for her move when her sudden contact by pushing didn’t bring a hold on that first. The lady seems to be in a real hurry with this.
I hate being rushed.
“Come on, hurry, as I said the two guests and the other foals are waiting in the main hall just for you. So please, get a move on.” She urged.
Did I already mention that I hated to be pressured? First she started scheming behind my back and now she is rushing me as well?
Bloody fantastic, lady, just really likable on your part.
I pushed her hoof away from my ass and just walked myself back inside, like how she wanted. Once back inside the orphanage and past the main stairs, I was greeted with a sight similar to what I saw kids do around an ice cream truck that was having a sale... with the two adults being the aforementioned trucks. At least the mare seems to enjoy the overwhelming attention though.
Then it hit me. “Wait...these two are really nobles, judging by their clothes and over-excessive use of bling bling.” I thought to myself as I looked at those two with suspicion.
Obviously, my previous encounters with these money bags were… questionable at best and just flamethrower inducing at worst. Either they were stuck up or asses, or stuck up IN their asses. At least the horns on their skulls are a true visual representation on what they truly were in my books.
Dickheads. Which is Ironic.
So, props for the guy who came up with the idea to make all of them… or at least most of them, unicorns. You nailed the visual aspect perfectly. Have a cookie and maybe some beer.
I am part German after all. Wonder if these guys have pretzels as well?
“Well, here we are, the last foal.” Deep Care announced the moment we were within earshot.
All the attention was quickly shifted to me afterwards, even the kids as some of them just gave me a strange look.
“The silent one?” One of them perked up as I stopped right in front of them.
“He is not silent, he just can’t speak, that’s all.” Another one piped in, this one actually being Mystic Tune himself, one of the foals in this place I actually come to know and like.
Also one of the few who didn’t automatically mark me as weird too. Well, at least the majority are being honest, something most of us lose when we get older.
Heh, that makes me look and feel like a real philosopher. How quaint.
“He is unable to speak? Why would that be?” The stallion questioned curiously as he eyed me. His British accent and overall look immediately perking up my attention.
I love the British accent. It’s really classy in my books, and that laid back and nicely oiled hair and mustache really just screams ‘British gentleman’. Similar to the style’s you would find in the late 19th century.
My love and interest for history showing itself once more. I just really love this kind of stuff.
Deep just shook her head. “I do not know.” She responded before looking down at me. “I was planning to head to the doctors with him the first day, to see what might be the issue regarding his lack of speech, but whenever I tried to do so, Alex over here just disappears faster than I can even grab him with my magic. Which is… frustrating, I have to say.” She added.
“Well that’s because I don’t trust doctors and their pointy needles that they constantly insist on jamming to your butt cheek. Even if they promise you some gummy bears.” I thought as the British stereotype rubbed his chin in thought before a light bulb seemed to go up inside that stud.
Hey, I did a bit of a rhyme there.
“Wait, how would you know his name if you just said that he isn’t able to speak in the first place? Did he have a name card on him when you either found him or he got brought here, or did the pony who sent him here tell you his name?” He questioned.
Seriously, I could listen to that accent all day. I might actually get to do just that if for whatever reason the guy picks me over everybody else.
Just trying to keep it real here.
Deep Care shook her head again. “Well, no… he actually wrote his name down for me crudely on a piece of paper. Which was quite surprising given that most foals don’t even learn how to read and write until they hit six. Which by the way he seems to be true for the former as well as I caught him doing so a couple of times on the more advanced books back in our library.” She explained while rubbing the back of her neck.
This alone seemed to intrigue the tuxedo wearing stallion even more, especially the mare which I didn’t really gave much focus to until now. She too had that stereotypical biscuit look and feel on her. Long blond and curly hair on its tips, earrings and a long scarf.
Well, honestly, besides the hair there really isn’t anything British about her. Unless her accent is similar to…
“So in other words he is quite advanced for a foal his age.” She commented out of the blue which also helped me get the answer that I needed.
“Yup, totally British as well.”
Her voice kind of reminds me of Jane from Tarzan.
Deep Care nods. Man, she does that a lot now, doesn’t she? “Well, yes, in certain ways he does seem to be a lot smarter than he mostly shows.” She answered.
“Mostly shows?” The stud questioned this time.
“Well… he does act like a child most of the time. Like the part I just mentioned about me wanting to send him to a doctor.” Deep went on which again caused the stallion to rub his chin while looking at me with interest.
Don’t tell me…
“Anything else that is… unique about him?” He question.
Care began to think about it for a few moments before she looked up at the stud.
Another rhyme. I should just start writing poetry if this keeps up.
“Well…” Care began. “He is also unusually quiet and distant sometimes too, not really interacting much with the other foals like you would expect for somepony his age.” She answered.
She obviously didn’t see the few times where I did join a little band of munchkins in their little game of seek and go hide, or building a sandcastle that actually resembled proper “sandcastles” instead of either just mounds of sand or bucket shaped towers with cuddly representations of walls in between. But yet again, unable to openly voice up my side of the story, simply because I don’t have a voice.
I mean I do, but, all I can get out are either screams or utter gibberish, with some hmm’s and ahh’s mixed in-between. Though I am feeling that my vocals are slowly starting to untangle themselves the more I try. Could really be just be a lack of muscle memory on my part since this body of mine is still rather new and more or less foreign to my own senses. My mind knows how to speak but my body does not. That is, at least, my hypothesis.
This time it was the British mare who perked up. “Oh, how sad, maybe the poor colt suffered from some kind of trauma which makes him behave this way?” She suggested.
Deep just looked thoughtful. “Could be. I mean I found him all alone in the middle of the streets before bringing him here into the orphanage myself. It could be that he had experienced something that made him the way he is today. Foals are very fragile when it comes to that.” She hypothesized which just made me smile inwardly.
I love it when people try to understand me but ultimately can’t. Just so entertaining and interesting to listen to, just like that one psychiatrist in my local hospital. Even more so now as a kid. The prospect of them trying to figure me out is just ridiculous. I mean, I am just a 5 year old in their eyes, after all. What kind of a story and character can you get out from a 5 year old? In that state most kids are pretty much the same anyway.
Or at least from my own observations. I do have, or had, a lot of cousins after all. My family was quite expansive, certainly spanning continents in that regard.
Wonder if my new one will be the same if they somehow take me instead of all of these other, more likely, kids. You can’t really pick wrong from them.
The mare looked especially concerned after hearing that, while some of the foals, including Mystic, looked rather surprised instead.
They obviously don’t know my origin, but then again they don’t need to know.
It’s already good enough for them to think that I am weird. Any more perks and I might receive some issues.
Anyway, at that point I was kind of sick and tired of just standing around in one place, so I simply and casually sat down to ease all four of my legs. Even though they don’t really have that much to keep off the ground anyway.
It was at that point where mister fister suddenly invaded my personal space and once again re-activated my “stranger danger” siren inside my skull. I should really start to consider tweaking the settings a bit on that thing, so that I don’t run the risk of getting a headache because of it.
Anyway, he circled me a bit before stopping once more right in front of me while rubbing his chin in thought. I just kept my eye on him, raising a curious eyebrow at this walking credit card while, to my slight surprise, he did so too.
The guy was evaluating me, or at least that’s what I understood.
“So honey, which one are we going to pick? They are all absolutely wonderful in my book.” The mare announced with a smile.
I dozens of me, me’s ranged out afterwards from all of the foals. All obviously eager to find themselves new parents for them to love. But all of that just went over my head as I was still focused on the stallion that was also rather focused on me for some reason.
Again, I can tell that the guy was studying me and most likely also evaluating everything he has heard from my care take so far.
He eventually bends down, looking at me more closely while I did the same. The guy actually had a bit of cologne on him.
“Do you know your parents?” He casually questioned me. An odd question to say the least.
I just nod while keeping my gaze on him.
He hummed. “But they are not here aren’t they?” He questioned again.
I nod again as well.
“And there is no way for you to return to them yes? You were forced into the situation you are in now?” He asked further which again I answered with just a nod.
I wasn’t really ‘forced’ into this, but at the same time it is kind of true as well. Kind of was my fault too for not paying enough attention as to what I stick my spoon in. But I will obviously never admit that just so I can say “it was all my cousins’ fault”.
He was in charge of the rat poison after all. He bought it.
He just nods to that, a momentary glint in his blue eyes before rising back up.
“Well, that was weird.” But not as weird as to what was to come.
“Well I think I found the foal I wish to adopt.” He announced which immediately got everyone’s attention, even the foals’.
“Really, honey? Which one?” The mare asked curiously.
The stallion just smiled. “Him.” He answered while pointy gently at me.
“Well, this is certainly a surprise.”
Even more surprising for Deep Care, if her wide eyes where any indications.
“Are you sure? I mean, besides his alleged ability to read, he is rather odd for a foal and at certain times even quite a hoof-full.” She pressed.
The stallion just turned his smile to her. “Yes I am sure. He is quite unique, I can tell already by just looking at him. Plus…” He paused for a bit. “There is also something… relatable about him that I cannot personally ignore, enticing me more to pick him over everypony else.” He explained.
Deep Care was, of course, confused at this somewhat, same with me as I didn’t fully catch on to that last part. I was too busy looking at the reactions of the other foals.
Some of course looked distraught, but other obviously seemed happy for me, especially Mystic Tune, the good kid.
The mare on the other hand seemed… knowing… but then again she IS his wife after all. Depending in how many years these two were married there would be no mare more knowing of his history and character than her.
“Maybe even knowing him TOO well?”
“But why the weird one?” One of the kids whine.
“Simple.” Brass smiled. “I was once weird too when I was young.” He answered before looking back to his wife. “What do you think, honey? Is my decision ok with you?” He asked.
The mare smiled. “A surprising decision I am sure. but I can tell that something about him specifically speaks to you. Though if you would ask me I would just be taking all of this foals with me if I could.” She responded which in turn made the stallion chuckle.
He eventually turned back to me and lowered his head. “What about you? Are you ok with the idea of us taking you with us as your new family?” He asked me.
I just shrugged. Feeling rather indifferent about all of this than anything else. He just chuckled before raising his head and looking back at Mistress Deep care. His smile dropping somewhat.
“Well, let’s just get this over with then.” He sighed.
Care nodded. “Of course, but first, let me lead these foals back up into their rooms, seeing that is steadily getting late.” She said which was accompanied by allot of “Aww's” from all the kids.
As more and more kids passed by me to follow Care back up to the second floor, I was suddenly tapped on my shoulder.
I was none other than Tune himself.
“Congratulations on your chance of getting a new home. I guess… this means you will be taking you magical white board thing with you, won’t you?” He said.
Of course the first focus running through his brain is of course my tablet with all of those tunes stored inside. But again, can’t really fault him for that as he IS just a kid and an incredibly young one at that. It’s just nice knowing that he took to time to still talk to me afterwards.
Quite the role model this one.
I just smiled and gave him a nod which he accepted as an answer. He was about to say something again when a certain caretaker had other ideas.
“Mystic Tune, I said that it is bedtime so please stick with the group and get to your room.” Care called out which left this one sided conversation rather short.
Tune said his final goodbye before running off to catch up with the others leaving me and my new “parents” all alone in the hall.
Well, this is certainly something new to get used to. Then it hit me.
“Wait… did I just go from poor to fucking rich in an instant?” I thought to myself with wide eyes.
I grinned. “Like this outcome already. Where the fuck have you two been this entire time?”
I am going to be drowning in biscuits in the foreseeable future. Hopefully these guys actually have some cheese and coffee on their weekly shopping list in whatever overpriced store they get their grub in, otherwise I will still be going into a tantrum none the less… before I “borrow” my new dads credit card of course.
Do they even have plastic here?
“Oh yeah I almost forgot to introduce ourselves to you.” My new dad suddenly announced which automatically got my attention as I looked up at his smiling visage. His wife or “mom” moving next to him, also smiling down at me.
These horses really love to smile, don’t they?
“Your name is Alex, right?” He questioned first, which I confirmed with a nod.
“Well then, it’s nice to meet you, Alex.” He gestured to himself. “My name is Sir Brass Silver Watch.” He introduced himself before gesturing over to his wife.” And this here is my spouse, Lady Camellia Harmonica.” She did a little bow at the end of that before hunching down in front of me.
“We will be your new mom and dad from this day forth and we will promise to give you the same love and attention as our daughter back home.” She whispered to me, which was an interesting revelation I have to say.
“So wait…they already have a child?” I wondered to myself.
This, of course, was immediately rather suspicions on my end. Why adopt me if they already have a child of their own? There is certainly more to this besides getting a child I, just know it. But, in the end, who cares? As long as I get my cheese and coffee once I am there, not to mention not having to deal with so many kids anymore.
Again, nothing against them, I just don’t have to attention span to actively deal with all of them. Especially with the likes of Tetra. Getting rid of her is also a nice bonus, and getting automatically rich at the same time. Can’t forget about becoming rich. It is very important and essential in forgetting my previous mentioned suspicions.
Just imagine all the cheese I can get now. I would be salivating right now if it isn’t for the fact that I suddenly got a face full of a… face. Lady Camellia’s face in fact.
Yeah I can’t openly call them mom and dad knowing that my real mom and dad are still out there. I think… if you don’t add time dilation into the whole “new dimension” thing.
Let’s not even bother, my mind is already chaotic enough as it is.
Anyway, I think this move is dubbed as a nuzzle? I don’t know and really don’t care either as this was more awkward for me than it had a right to be. Maybe it’s because I am still human inside. Which is good because I hate using my roots of origin, regardless if I am in a new world with a new body or not.
I come from a race that invented the atom bomb to blow up its own stuff. Fear my nuclear fusion and sense of self destruction. Masochism never has been so… explosive.
“Well, now that all of the youngsters are in their rooms, let’s do the paperwork.” The voice of Deep sounded from behind, which thankfully stopped the face grinding.
“Yes of course. Let’s go sign a dozen or so papers about child safety and insurance.” Brass sighed as he followed Deep to the front desk.
Does my insurance cover a lack of dairy products? Because I would seriously love some now to process this.
Like the fact that they already have a kid and that all of this smell rather suspicious in my end.
Author's Note
Another chapter another cookie. By the way? Would you guys see concept sketches of both Brass and Camellia? Mystic tune perhaps as well when he gets re-introduced in a later part of this Story.
Also how was this?
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A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 6: Finally Some Cheese...and A New Sister Maybe?
Author's Note
Well this was certainly a long one. Wanted to split this chapter up in two parts but ultimately decided against it.
Hope you guys like it.
Chapter 6: Finally Some Cheese...and A New Sister Maybe?
Chapter 6: Finally some cheese… and a new sister, maybe?
Edit and Proofread by: dash446, pahnazd, and Fistfire
“Alright, we are ready to depart. Take us back to the estate.” Brass called out from his carriage window after we got seated.
There was no audible reply as the carriage just started to move afterwards. Here is a funny brain twister for you; apparently, ponies pull ponies in this world. Well, not really that strange to be honest, considering the fact that in certain places in Asia humans are pulling other humans as well, as a form of public transport. But still, the concept of these colorful horses pulling other horses through the streets is still a bit of a brow raiser given the fact that their species is used as beasts of burden back in my world.
I wonder… do they use work animals here, or do they have just themselves?
Either way, I was sitting on the left side of the carriage, directly opposite from Brass, and right next to Camellia who was sitting in the middle.
Thankfully, the carriage windows were low enough for me to peek over if I cranked my neck high enough from my torso, and even completely over them if I stand up and lean my head against it.
Why thankfully? Well, that’s because I have this “wanna sit next to the window” sentimentality ever since I was a kid… The first time.
“Well, this isn’t going to get confusing in the near future at all… which is brilliant… no, really.”
I also took my stuff with me. What, did you really think that I was going to leave both my mug and tab behind for a chance of lots and lots of round things? Well if you ever thought that then you were practically right… Maybe.
I mean, I could have maybe left my tablet with Mystic Tune if we all were in a serious hurry but my mug goes where I go. That derp face and slogan below it is just too rare to ever come across again… especially now. Plus it IS my personal coffee mug, and I had some really good and relaxing moments with that ceramic piece of art.
Cappuccino never tasted better in my entire life as the moment I first drank from it. It’s all about the memes. The moment I saw the image and slogan on it I knew it was perfect for me.
It was literally speaking to me. “Buy me, and the derp will always be with you. Always.” How could you say no to that?
Anyway, it’s now a road trip to my new, oversized home in which I will be certainly getting lost for a very long time.
I would normally take this time to stick my earbuds into my… well, ears, and listen to some tunes while the world in front of me passed by. Except I can’t because my new “mom” was so clever in placing them both in a compartment just above the rear seats where I can’t reach them.
I could have protested but before I knew it, it was already too late. Ehh… whatever, I guess I can just imagine the songs in my head and stare out the window. That’s what I would have done if miss flower name or some kind of harmony didn’t poke me in my furry side.
“Please, sit down, Alex. It's safer and I don’t want you to hurt yourself before you can even see your new home.” She pleaded.
I just rolled my eyes. “Why, am I going to fall off my seat and hit my head on the carriage floor? Please, I suffered way more physical abuse than this, like the time where my cousin and I went into that Vietnamese massage shop and….” A bump in the road halted my thoughts as I got launched from my seat and slammed head first onto carriage floor.
Who knew that you could test fate via your thoughts as well? Also, fuck the one responsible for road maintenance in this city. He obviously does a really shitty job and his neglect is a danger to all children, myself now included.
Also, that hurt. Like, a lot. I guess Camy had some leverage on her statement.
I could hear both of them gasp after I hit the floor. I didn’t even have time to moan in pain with added drama when I suddenly found myself losing my sense of gravity and ground contact. Most likely her using her glow stick on me to lift me back up.
“Oh dear heavens, are you okay? See? I told you to sit down so something like this wouldn’t happen.” She half panicked and half chided as she sat me on her lap and began to inspect my head.
At this point I was too busy trying to get my perception back under control after that sudden telekinesis she pulled on me. Not to mention the raging headache I have in the forefront of my head.
Fine, I will stay seated now.
Apparently, and thankfully, there wasn’t anything wrong with it, at least visually, as she eventually sat me back down next to her, but not without giving me more reasons to not do this again by lecturing me further.
“See, this is precisely why I want you to stay seated. The roads can be bumpy sometimes, even here in the capital. You’re lucky that you didn’t hit yourself too hard.” She continued.
“Yes, yes, I know. Sit down and don’t frown, I get it. Jeez, not even a whole first day and she already reminds me of my real mother. Brilliant.” I thought while rubbing the sore spot.
Thankfully, the rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. We passed by a lot of streets and ponies before eventually reaching an area of the city which I guess can be considered the place where most of the city's budget resides.
No wonder those bumps exist in the first place.
The street we are travelling up to is, according to the sign I read earlier, named Greenwood Boulevard, quite fitting given that this street is filled with over-decorated mansions and gardens the size of most of the homes and businesses we passed earlier.
So much for a waste of space. I mean, I am all in for a nice spacious garden, but why would you need that much greenery around your home if you just spend most of your day jerking off at the size of your own wallet or drowning yourself in all kinds of exotic food more expensive than your average house?
The only one who would even bother in the first place is the gardener. The owners would either be too lazy to leave their oversized homes or be outside of said oversized homes to make everyone not able to afford an oversized home feel bad about themselves.
Basically 98% of the population. Which is difficult because how is anyone from those 98% going to scout out enough money for such a specific item when those measly 2% are hoarding in all of the available money in this sugar invested country?
Capitalism at its finest, even here.
I know so because I have seen and experienced it myself. How can someone with that much moolah be so stingy? Even towards a fucking child?
I take it back, I take everything I ever threw at dear old Mc Scrooge. At least that duck has a heart… and balls, like, really big balls. Better borrow some of his balls for the foreseeable future if my predictions on how life as a renaissance-type noble are accurate.
Money does tend to speak louder than words… and basic morals too. If I have learned anything from all those action movies and horror wannabes, it’s that you should always expect the absolute worst in any situation. That way you won’t be surprised or disappointed when it does happen.
Anyway, it really didn’t take too long after crossing into lazy town from simple town to finally reach the very estate that I am going to be calling my home for the foreseeable future, and I have to say my new parents seem to be just as guilty in hoarding most of the national treasury as everyone else that lives on this street. Only difference was that the front didn’t feature any British style garden, Romanesque greenery or something Hellenic, but I am sure that there is at least one around the large bungalow if am given the freedom to explore it later.
Either way, the gate itself was nothing special. Just your typical iron gate you easily associated with every other mansion or estate you see in many different depictions. The only thing that was… kind of different was that the gate is actually a part of the main building itself. A perfect reason why my new home doesn’t feature a front yard like all the others. I bet the whole thing circles around some kind of courtyard, which was quickly proven when the carriage stopped right in front the main gate. I could only barely peek through the bars from my position, much to my new mom’s dismay of not staying seated.
Woman, let me explore, okay? I AM a kid again after all, and kids are naturally very curious… even if I have never lost that aspect.
I meant the kid part by the way.
“Open the gates! Sir Brass of the Silver Watch and Lady Camellia Harmonica have returned.” I heard someone shout from outside, most likely one of the pones doing the pulley.
I could barely see another pony trotting up from behind the closed bars before stopping just in front of it. He seemed rather well dressed, to be honest. Is he maybe the butler?
“Sir Brass, what exactly brings you to this fine establishment? Do you and your mistress possess an invitation?” The stallion asked in a much defined UK accent.
“Yup, certainly the butler… I think.”
My new dad poked his head out from the carriage window with a smile. “You know exactly why we are here, old friend. Don’t tell me that you have already forgotten that we live here?” Brass responded in amusement, which I guess was reflected by the stallion if his own expression was to be believed.
“Of course I haven’t, sir, just wanted to make sure that no nasty doppelganger would come by and impersonate you and Miss Camellia. Like in those novels you seem to like reading recently.” He called back with a gentle smile on his brown muzzle.
Brass just chuckled at that. “Well, just tell the guards to open the gate now. Both me and Camellia had a long day behind us and we wish to just relax for the rest of it.” He called out with a small sigh at the end.
The butler nodded before talking to an off-screen individual past the gate. There was a silent clank and rustle to be heard before the gate finally opened. The carriage immediately began to move again, giving us access into the interior of the property as the gates behind us could be heard closing.
“Well, here we are, home sweet home I guess.” And what a home. Just image the entire thing had a kind of a rectangular layout with the middle being dominated by a rather large courtyard, with nicely trimmed bushes and other greenery on its side and a large water fountain in the center.
The fountain itself was rather interesting though as it depicted a pony version of lady luck pouring water down into a basin, which then splits it into five different streams running down the rocks before finally landing on the large pool surrounding it. A pool large enough to bathe in during hot summers.
I mean, I am sure that such actions aren’t allowed in such a piece of art made from marble, but that won’t stop me from actually trying… many times. Because indoor pools suck. Not sure if this place even has one but at the same time I don’t care for a very good reason.
Everybody can smell it when you’re letting something loose while being in the pool.
It’s all about secrecy after all. Plus, most people are too lazy to climb out of the water just so they can answers nature's call before going back in anyway.
That’s what chlorine was invented for.
Actually, I think it helps with the smell as well… haven’t been in any public bath for a very long time. Specifically for that reason.
“Well, here we are. Finally. I desperately need some tea.” Mister Brass sighed as the unsuspended carriage finally halted in front of the main entrance.
Because I am a spoiled man, who got spoiled by the wonders of modern automobiles. Perhaps even inventing the concept of… FOUR horse power carriages instead of just two. It will be like… this world equivalent of a Porsche. My own ‘oversized home to make people feel bad about not having it as well’, here I come… maybe, if I am not too lazy or just forget about it.
Brass was, of course, the first to disembark, followed by Camellia and then me, with me being levitated onto her back.
I tapped her on the head and let her silently know that my stuff, the only two items I have from my old world, were still in that stupid unreachable compartment inside the carriage.
She just smiled before telling that a maid can get them and bring them over to my new room after it has been prepared.
I do have to say, from all the ponies I have met so far, both Brass and Camellia have been the most morally focused and levelheaded individuals so far. AND they are freaking nobles. The bane of many nations and the cause of many assassinations and revolutions. Not to mention being complete asses to everyone else who isn’t like them.
Wealth does turn you depraved, especially when you had it all since birth, which I believe most of them did. Geboren mit dem goldenen Löffel und so weiter . Something that can NEVER happen to me… because I am already depraved enough as is. My cousins don’t call me a couch potato for nothing.
No, that doesn’t mean that I was fat and all. I was actually pretty normal physically. No major fatness besides a tiny belly. No health problems or eating disorders either.
Some might say that I am BS-ing them, but really, medical wonders and oddity do exist so… yay for me. I can be lazy and not reek from the negativity of it… besides getting too comfortable with it.
But hey, that didn’t stop me from freeloading off of my cousins and drinking all of their coffee.
I am mentally rambling again, aren’t I? Ah yes, familiar territory, how much I love you. My mind is sometimes just so much more interesting to explore than the outside world.
I think things are finally returning to normal for me. Speaking of normal…
“Actually… where are we?” I clearly lost track of what happened. While I was having my internal monologues to some imaginary audience, Brass, Camellia and me on her back must have moved past the double door entrance and into the greeting hall, which, by the way, was just as disgustingly expensive smelling as everything else. Why wouldn’t it be?
“Well, this is it, Alex. Your new home. Quite an upgrade from your previous life, don’t you think?” Camellia announced, which just made me look around a bit with mild interest.
Why mild? Well, what the hell am I going to be doing with all of this anyway? It’s not mine, plus some of these might be worth more than my very life.
“Upgrade? More like opening up a console window and typing in all of the instant level ups, skill level ups and spawn all best items you can think of in an instant.” I thought to myself, a certain ponified “The Scream” taking my immediate attention.
Looks good, but seriously did I land in some alternative mirror universe instead of a brand new one? The cheesiness levels are so high they are seriously making me hungry ever since it started. Where is my Gouda? The cheese the orphanage had SUCKED. I need real French, Swiss or Nederland goodness, not that cheap copycat American garbage.
At this point the whole amazement of this place’s baroque style interior (only in white) was really going over my radar in favor of finally getting myself something to eat. Because apparently I left the orphanage before I even had the chance to get some dinner, so that obviously sucks. This might also be my chance to finally get some good cheese in this new land, which I am sure or at least hopeful they have in stock here.
I mean, if they have the terrible American crap here then they most likely have something similar to the aforementioned European specialties as well.
Hmmmm… Gouda, Emmental *doing the Homer Simpson impression*.
“Uh… are you… are you okay, Alex?” Camy suddenly asked which snapped me out of my daydreaming trance.
Everybody was apparently staring at me, including the maid carrying my stuff on a plate on her back.
Was I publicly drooling again?
I shook my head before my stomach suddenly decided to do the talking for me.
“Well… that is one way to announce it. Another beautiful example that this world seems to function with cartoon physics from time to time. Which I honestly love and will exploit to the ALMOST best of my abilities, if I remember to do so that is.” I thought to myself while Camellia just giggled.
“Well, it is almost past dinner time anyway. Good thing your tummy reminded us of it otherwise it would have been us receiving the embarassing situation later on.” She teased while playfully poking my belly.
I just shoved her hoof away. I honestly have no idea why she was talking about being embarrassed. My body did a perfect job in announcing my needs without even having to bother with words. Which I still can’t understand, mind you.
“Olivia, could you please go and tell the cook to start preparing dinner after bringing Alex’s items to his room?” Camellia asked, turning to said maid.
The now known Olivia nodded. “Yes, of course, Miss Camellia, no problem.” She responded before trotting off to do just that.
“Olivia, quite fitting for her olive green coat.”
I was obviously still a bit antsy about letting her off alone with my stuff, but I guess I can trust her with them for now given that she is employed under my new equine parents.
RICH equine parents. Let’s not forget about that.
“Well, if you excuse me Camellia, I will also head to the kitchen myself if you need me for something. Gotta get myself some well needed tea after this rather exhausting day.” Brass announced next to her.
Camellia just nodded. “Of course, honey. Could you go tell Octavia afterwards that dinner will be ready soon? She is most likely in her room at this hour.” She requested which in turn made Brass nod before trotting off in the same direction where the maid went; the left wing, to be precise.
With nothing else to do, Camellia and I left the greeting hall to the opposite direction. Why? I have absolutely no idea, but I am sure that she is going to inform me. Right about...
“I think a little bath would be a nice way to fully make you a part of our family here, Alex. Plus you do have a bit of a smell sticking on your coat and I would love for you to look clean and serene when eventually meeting with your new sister… or just a friend depending on how you view her, but I am sure the you two will get along well. She even is the same age as you.” She answered, which was certainly more than I wanted to know.
Then again, knowledge is power, after all.
That still left one question unanswered though.
“What the heck was the point in adopting me when these two already have humped a daughter into existence? If they wanted another then just go get drunk in a local pub.” I thought while staring at the back of the mare’s head.
I would love to ask but I obviously can’t, plus I don’t want to risk my new rich child perk so quickly for something that could easily be just a move of laziness on their part. I mean, making babies is a lot of work after all, especially for the lady.
Plus I am absolutely positive that the answer will fall onto my lap regardless. Just make sure to keep raiding their kitchens and check my bed and closets for boogeymen.
Don’t ask me how, but I do smell something shitty here, like literally. I think we just passing an occupied toilet right next to another door we stopped at.
“I told Hector to not have those expired beans for breakfast this morning.” Camellia sighed before opening the door revealing… more expensive shit in overflow. The bathtub alone was already as big as your average home bathroom.
“Now let’s just get you clean up a bit, shall we? I promise that this is going to be fun. Octavia herself just loves playing during baths.” She explained as she gently sat me down on the pony equivalent of a toilet. Which, by the way, is similar to a human toilet, only much lower to the floor.
I just sat on of the toilet lid patiently and watched her fumble around with the bathtub faucets with her glow stick. Soon both hot and cold water began to pour, filling the tub slowly with warm water and even creating a bit of steam in the process.
I do have to say, despite the large dimension if this golden goose shittery, it had still a distinctly cozy feeling to it, even more so now that the entire space was being covered in a soft layer of warm vapor.
The other reason why might be because of the subtle lightning and the overabundance of fluffy rugs covering most of the flooring.
And this is just perhaps the guest bathroom.
“Alright, done.” Camellia announced which stopped my thoughts.
I perked up and saw that the jacuzzi-sized bath was full. Well, full for my size.
“Alright, it's bath time.” She announced again with a smile.
To be honest, I have nothing against the idea of someone giving me a bath. At least it's way better than having someone try and cut your hair with a pair of magically suspended scissors.
I jumped off the lid and made my way over to the jacuzzi-sized tub and jumped right in. It’s rather practical that the bath was neatly low towards the floor, otherwise literally jumping in would have been impossible for my size.
There was an audible splash and a bit of a yelp. I do have to say that this felt really, really nice. I mean, the orphanage had baths too but never with that much space or bubbles.
No idea when she added those into the water, but then again I was momentarily distracted.
I heard Camellia sigh as I saw a towel being levitated towards her. A sign of success for my handy work.
“Well, besides getting me wet while still stressed, let’s just focus on getting you clean quickly before dinner. Both Brass and Octy aren’t the most patient individuals when it comes to food, let me tell you.” She explained before levitating over a sponge and big bar of soap. The only two normal items so far. Good job you two.
“Alright, just hold still and relax. I will be doing most of the work for you. This won’t take long.” She said before the scrubbing commenced.
I only have one rule with this.
“You can clean everything else but my crotch. I shall do that myself, thank you very much.”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Cheese, cheese, CHEESE! OH GLORIOUS HEAVEN ABOVE LOOK AT ALL THIS CHEESE!” My mind screamed as my eyes sparkled at the second most beautiful sight I have ever seen.
Why only second? Well, the first one involves high school and a little accident where I misjudged the male changing room for the female one. Who knew that jugs can get that big at the age of 15? Some real Japanese hentai shit that was.
Anyway, enough thinking because it’s time for eating.
“Ah, ah, ah, Alex! I know you’re hungry, but in this household you got to learn that dinner only officially starts when every member of family and staff are present. So please, be a little bit more patent while both Olivia and Octavia make their way here.” Camellia lightly chided, right before I was about to literally jump onto the table and dive into the golden horde in front of me.
Well, I guess it was also a good thing that she used her voodoo to keep me seated because her chiding would certainly have been much worse. But still, damn you, woman, stop being such a cock block and let me get some damn cheese! Finally getting a chance of choking myself into delusions with some good ass gold and here you are preventing me from doing that. Right here. Right in front all of this CHEESE. Right here in front of me.
“I want some darn cheese, dammit.” I thought while crossing my forelegs and pouting.
The reason why we haven’t, or more precisely, why I can’t jump in and get some of that golden tease is because of both their daughter and maid were still missing in action.
Everybody else is already here. Brass, Camellia, some random cook and Hector which turned out to be the butler’s name which, by the way, is the most badass name so far.
Freaking Hector, all that is missing is for another stud to be named Achilles and this world would have automatically redeemed itself for me. Don’t care if this place still reminds me a lot of Care Bears or not.
Let’s turn everything into the Iliad, shall we? Just hope that they won’t change Troy into something stupid like Trot. Then I would be mad.
Mad as in mental, not emotional. Or maybe both. Which is worse. For everyone.
Either way, I am just trying to preoccupy myself with other thoughts while waiting for the final two stars of this concert to finally step up from behind the curtains. Not to mention that I could smell the hard stench of cheese from here which was just making this whole ordeal that much worse.
“What the fuck is them taking so long? Are they masturbating or something?” I wondered, feeling more and more annoyed about this by the second.
The smell was literally taunting me at this point. My fantasies even conjuring an image of a hazy middle finger and an impish laugh.
Yes, I know that this particular line of thinking is seriously uncalled for given that one of them is just like me in terms of physical age and size. But this is MY mind and as long as I don’t say it out loud it should be good, plus I just want to get some freaking cheese in me damn it. At some point even Camellia’s abilities of the force won’t stop me from devouring my enemies. I can already feel my pain and passion fueling the dark side inside of me in the form. Where is my lightsaber?
It was at that point where two figures suddenly poked out from around the corner of my vision. Camellia next to me smiled as a small filly with the most depressing color scheme entered the dining room.
Thoughm personally, that was not the main focus.
“Fucking finally. Can I have my cheese now?” Was my only mental response as she sat down silently right next to her father and completely opposite from me. Not that I could see her well of course, thanks to the giant eye sore in between us.
The lonely mountain of Erebor, only without the mountain.
“Well hello there, sweetie. How was your day?” Camellia asked with a smile, which went over the filly’s mind, much to Camellia’s dismay.
Emo much? And still just 5. Just imagine how she would be when she is hitting her puberty.
This forced her father to poke her side in order to get the little filly’s attention, which thankfully did the trick.
She raised her head. “Oh… uhm, it was fun, I guess… I just spend most of my time with mister Hubsie playing in my room with all of his other friends.” She answered in her innocent but still very British sounding voice.
That alone makes me like her in an instant, despite her making me wait so gosh darn long. Plus it makes her look that much more adorable as well, despite her missing horn.
“Wait… she has no horn?”
Camellia smiled. “Well, it is at least nice to know that you were having fun, sweetie. But for now, let’s just eat.” She finally announced the exact sentence I was waiting for this entire time.
I sighed loudly. “Fucking finally. I would have gone MAD if this took any longer. Finally… give me all the Gouda and Emmental this place has in store so that I can…”
“Oh, and sweetie, say hello to somepony new.” Camellia announced before poking me in the side and interrupting my mojo.
“AWW COME ON.”
“You as well, Alex, how about saying hello to your new sister?” She said with a smile, which in turn just made me frown. Inwardly, of course, don’t want to risk the risk of risking my chance of finally getting something that isn’t grass and flower related.
Seriously, I forgot to mention the fact that I was living off a lot of hay and daisies ever since I got here. I mean… they weren’t bad and all, but still kind of thought provoking when you consider that previously, eating shit like this would have easily made me sick and gave me a one way ticket to the toilet…
“Oh shit, I just remembered I forgot to turn the faucet off back at home. Geez, that incoming water bill. I guess a good reason why I am here and not over there. Sucks to be my cousins at this point. One of them even got recently fired as far as I can remember before coming here.”
I shook my head before looking up at the gray and black haired filly opposite of me. Not really surprising at all that she was staring back at me. Curiosity clear on her features. Though what I found kind of insulting in the end was that she soon looked away and started grabbing for some food that I couldn’t see because of the large wheel of cheese in front of me.
I pouted. “Lady, I know that most ladies just bothered to give me a passing glance in my previous life but at this situation it is just downright rude.”
I just huffed before just doing the same thing as she and reached for the cheese… only to realize that it is uncut and that I don’t have a knife or hands to grab it.
My eyes went wide in horror. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FROM ANNOYING TO RUDE, TO DOWNRIGHT NIGHTMARISH!”
SO NAH UND DOCH NOCH SO WEIT ENTFERNT.
“Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” I shouted out in utter frustration, which caused everybody to almost to fall of their seats.
I was not a happy camper at this point. Fuck all of their money and just give me some cheese. It’s the only gold I ever wanted.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Well, this is it. Your room, Alex. Quite exciting, don’t you think?” Camellia happily presented, which went over my head as some small traces of my previous euphoria were still running through my system.
The euphoria of having finally eaten some damn good cheese after all this time, and I have to say… THAT WAS SOME OF THE BEST CHEESE I HAVE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE. Who knew that rich people can afford more than just overpriced wine and golden cocaine? You know what, forget everything I said earlier about nobles, if they can get their hands on such good dairy products then I guess it’s money well spent in the end.
Plus, you would be supporting those cheese makers to make even more of their really good gold. Absolutely brilliant I would say, not to mention the jaw drops I produced when I almost managed to finish off an entire wheel all by myself.
Well… I would have loved to devour the entire thing but mister Brass gas had to ruin my plans of a world record by yanking the almost finished wheel away from me, saying things like “eating that much in one go for a foal is NOT healthy” kind of bullshit.
The outcry in both protest and despair were real at that moment. I could have sworn that someone was laughing at my pathetic display of a tantrum, but honestly, I had completely different problems back then to really give a care about that. That, and my sudden urge to go somewhere quickly as the cheese apparently was really rushing through my foal like system.
At least I kept my good feels from that trip to the rainbows, so in the end all was still well in my books… almost.
A tap on my big head forced me back to the outside world. “Uh, Alex, are you paying attention, or are you still in need to head back to the bathroom? Told you already halfway that you should stop eating so much, but you kept going regardless.” She half asked and half chided, which again went over my head a bit as I looked into the room in front of me. MY room.
I was both impressed, intrigued and somewhat scared at the same time.
“THIS is my room?” I thought while darting my eyes around. “This bloody room is twice the size of my living room. Granted, my living room wasn’t that spacious compared to others, but still. THIS BIG SPACE is my ROOM?” I finished my thought as I took my first steps into this new waste of space for a foal.
Like, really, isn’t this a little bit too big for a kid my age and belt size? I mean, think about the boogeymen and all that wonderful space of shadows he can hide in. Not to mention under my new bed too, which again was certainly a tad bigger than I wanted it to be.
Just image all the ebony and ivory you can hide under there.
Huh… that’s what she sa-not really the time for that joke. I have an oversized room problem to deal with. That, and potentially having to go grab a knife from the kitchen in order to defend myself for that pedophile son of a bitch. Not that I have met him at any point of my previous life but that still doesn’t mean I shall let my guard down just because of it.
Especially now, in a world that might even stair him, voodoo hoodoo, mythological creatures and that shit. Either way, having to sleep in a much more open space than I normally would feel comfortable with would certainly be something I need to get used to. That, or just pull over the bed curtains that I just noticed.
That way I can make my space a lot smaller during the night and become less paranoid.
I heard Camellia sigh from behind me as I stepped further into the room to explore all of its new wonders.
“This might be something we have to fix at a later date; you not paying attention.” I heard her mutter while moving towards the first cupboard my eyes lay on.
“Where the heck did that maid dump my stuff at.”
“Oh and by the way, if you are listening, Olivia, as she was told, placed both your cup and… the white flat thing on top of your bed. Just saying.” She informed, something I did finally pay attention to because of one little detail she just missed.
“It’s a MUG, not a cup, miss flowers. Also, thanks for the info.” I thought, my next target being the bed for obvious reasons, only to find out that the bed was a little bit too high for me to comfortably climb up on.
I thought that this room was prepared for ME and not Chewbacca.
Camellia seemed to notice my confusion. She lightly chuckled, which by the way felt a bit insulting on my part. Fine, I let her have that one, for ignoring her causing such a tantrum earlier.
“You, know it would be easier for you to get up on bed via the steps on the other side.” She informed and trotted up to the bed as well, opposite from where I was standing.
I just followed her, and truth be told they were indeed steps leading up to the bed just as she said. Neat, but also why? Why not give me a bed for MY size?
Whatever, I am sure there is a logical reason for it, like maybe they don’t have any other beds in stock for my size, simply because they weren’t expecting to adopt a child or whatever. With that thought out of the way, I immediately got up onto my bed and testing how bouncy it really is for me to bounce on when nobody's looking.
I have a perfect excuse to be childish now after all.
“So, what do you think? A better bed than you had back in the orphanage?” Camy asked as I started to feel the fabric and texture of it, and I have to admit, not a bad bed in terms in softness but sadly no real bounciness on it, most likely because of its mattress being a full cotton one instead of those old school ones with springs in them. Which is fine I guess, simply because of my bed back on earth being almost similar to this one in comparison.
Also, my stuff was indeed on my bed, right under the pillow in fact, which I would love to point out is even fucking larger than me somehow.
That’s what she said.
“Uhm… Miss Camellia? My I… have a moment?” The voice of Olivia suddenly perked up as I was busy expecting Mount Pillow of the Pillowlayans.
I wish I had a flag now to claim it.
Camellia turned her head. “Of course, what seems to be the issue?” She responded and turned towards her.
I was listening, but still had most of my focus fixed on taming this mount of a pillow and plowing my imaginary flag on it for the glory of my new Snitch Empire. The Republic of Java will envy us on this day.
Olivia rubbed the back of her head.” Well… I could tell you. But you have to see it to believe it, in my opinion. So if you could allow me some of your time, that would be very appreciated, Miss Camellia.” She awkwardly stated.
Camy obviously seemed confused at first but eventually nodded to the maid’s request before turning back to me, witnessing my glorious achievement.
“I won’t be gone for long, Alex. Just go ahead and explore your new room some more. I will be right back.” She told me before her and the olive mare went together wherever it was that they were going together.
Which was good, because this gave me the chance to finally relax and be alone to reflect on everything that happened so far and my new position.
I slid down onto my bed, laid my head on my newly-claimed territory and sighed, my head almost getting devoured by the oversized nature and fluffiness of the pillow.
For once, not much was happening inside my head at this point. Just using this moment to stare up at the blue ceiling above, as I was slowly and surely getting tired.
My eyes closed, or rather, that’s what I would have done if a set of hoofsteps coming from my unclosed door didn’t rouse me from my relaxation.
I pushed the lump of pillow away, no longer obstructing my view to the left where the door was, only to be somewhat surprised to see a certain individual peeking her head from around the door.
It’s the filly with the depressing color scheme from earlier. Well, almost depressing, her eyes at least where a rich purple which is quite the contrast to all of that gray and black she sports all around her.
My eyes met hers. We just stared at one another across the room, me in intrigue and her more in a sense of childish curiosity and even a small level of… suspicion and… envy?
Really, envy? Only a day old and we might already have a rivalry going on.
“So, are you really my new… brother just like mommy and daddy told me?” She suddenly ask and also breaking the ice.
I would have broken it myself but… well… duh.
I sat upright, giving her question a bit of thought before just mentally shrugging and nodding. Octavia in response tilted her head as she continued to just stand there.
“Why do you just keep nodding or gesturing? Can’t you talk?” She asked further which again I answered with a nod and a self-pointing hoof at my throat.
She just seemed more confused after my response. I sighed before just deciding for the more complicated route of just drawing it out for her.
It’s a good thing my tablet registers hoof touch as well, otherwise trying to draw and basically do anything with a stylus would just be impossible with this second pair of feet; I can’t even get the stylus out of its housing to begin with.
So, the hoof it is, pressing down the power button on the top left corner and pressing at the icon to start the app I used for drawing. This though, unsurprisingly, took the little filly’s immediate attention as I saw her move just a little bit closer to have a better look.
After a view moments of trying to get a decent visual representation done of my current problem I flipped the tab towards her, showing her the somewhat crude drawing about me being sick, with thermostat, ice bag and obviously a green expression.
Not truly accurate on what my actual problem is, but still, somewhat relatable giving the sore feeling I get whenever trying to actively speak or say something that isn’t just noise.
That though seemed to go completely over the little filly’s head as she seemed to be more fixated on the tablet in my hoof.
Not surprising, to be honest. Mystic Tune head the same reaction when I tried to communicate with him via images as well.
“Ooh what is that thing you are holding? It glows, is it something magical?” She questioned, before moving up even closer. Whatever suspicions and/or envy she expressed earlier was completely gone now and replaced with the childish wonder and curiosity most kids have at her age.
Which is good, I guess. Honestly, I am in no interest in being in some kind of attention contest with the REAL child of my new caretakers.
I say REAL because I can’t get the critical detail out of my head that she doesn’t seem to have a horn, despite being the child of two horny ones.
Is it maybe some kind of a biology that I am missing here? Because logic would dictate that two of the same species should give birth to a species similar to theirs. Again, either I spent too much time doodling during biology classes, or her parents lied about her being their actual child and maybe her origin is just like mine.
You know what, it’s not important to be honest, plus being overly logical isn’t really my thing either. I love the insane, stupid and the ridiculous. Which is why I love movies like the “Scary movies” “Epic movie” or the “Superhero movie”. Stupid and overly ridiculous. It’s brilliant.
I am getting distracted again.
I just scratched my head as best as a hoof could before deciding to just jump down and give her the whole thing. She can find out herself what it is. Thankfully I have no… questionable things stored inside of it which obviously makes it safe for child use.
I had all of them stored in my laptop anyway. Too bad that it couldn’t come with me as well, but I guess weight limit rules via TransAfterlife Airlines are much bitchier compared to the more traditional airline companies.
She obviously looked at it curiously at first after I laid it on the ground in front of her. I decided to make her exploration a little bit easier by exiting the Paint App and going back to the home screen.
Her eyes immediately lit up at all the colorful icons and wallpaper of a deer and a gazelle that I drew myself in one of my spare times. Which I always had.
She didn’t waste any time in mimicking my gesture from earlier and randomly clicked on an icon she liked the most. Funny enough, it was Plants vs Zombies, a game I had stored in it forever and completed since then. Just never bothered to uninstall it, just like most of other apps I have in it.
She immediately flinched back a bit when the zombies popped up.
“Ewww… what is that? It… it looks kind of icky.” She questioned, which just made me smile.
I just pulled up an endless game, the one on the backyard, and started to casually play the game in front of her. She, of course, was fascinated immediately, watching as I planted cartoony looking plants which then fought and fired on an equally cartoony looking wave after wave of zombies.
I even let her take the wheel at some point, testing to see if she was smart enough to mimic the exact controls I used in front of her, and to my enjoyment she did as she started collecting suns and placing down plants in places that I pointed out for her.
Overall, she was having fun and honestly so was I just watching her have it while giving out funny comments about what is happening on screen… until all of those giant zombies with the little midges started to spawn and the game from that on just turned in a full on war of attrition which we quickly lost.
She seemed sad that we lost, but honestly, it didn’t happen a moment too soon as I began to hear hoofsteps coming towards our direction. I quickly slid the tablet under the bed right before the image of Camellia came around. A look of both confusion, wonder and slight annoyance dotting her features.
“Alex, how… how did you manage to clog the toilet so badly? Furthermore, how can a small foal even DO that?” She asked, not really paying much attention of the fact that her daughter was right next to me.
I just smiled victoriously at those news. Feeling quite accomplished at the fact that I can just amaze and confuse people here the same way as I could over in my world.
Alexander Becker, you done it again. Normality is just overrated in my book.
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A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 7: Back to Toddler School, At least that's how I call it
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A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 8: Shitty relatives and business one-oh-one
Author's Note
WOW, this chapter took FOREVER to get out. I am sure some of you can see why by just reading it and looking at its length.
Originally I didn't planned for this chapter to be THAT LONG, but as you can all see it did still happen anyway. So feel free to bookmark it somewhere in the middle if it seems to long to read in one sitting.
Either way, hope you guys like it so far.
Chapter 8: Shitty relatives and business one-oh-one
Chapter 8: Shitty relatives and business one-oh-one
Edited by: Veo Skride, pahnazd
“Goodbye everypony, and have a safe trip home! Hope to see you all again next week!” Our caretaker called out as foals exited the building and joined their waiting parents on the yard.
Same with us, as we began to search for little ol’ Camellia in this furry and rainbow-colored mess.
I guess, in a way, it’s actually pretty advantageous to be the one with the “boring colors” in comparison to everyone else, as it is much easier to find someone in a crowd full of flamboyantly-colored horses. I guess Camellia must have noticed this logic as well, as she saw us faster than we were capable of spotting her.
She smiled as she trotted towards us. “There you two are, how was your first day in kindergarten? Did you two have a lot of fun or make any new friends?” She questioned while looking down at the two of us with a certain level of expectancy.
Too bad we have to crush that for her.
I just shrugged casually as a response while Octavia just looked down at the ground while pawning at it. Her enthusiasm quickly dropped as a result before she leveled herself in front of us.
“What is wrong? What happened?” She questioned worriedly.
Since Octy wasn’t probably going to actively say much regarding the issue, I simply decided to place it upon myself to do it instead for her. Actually, I was more or less forced to do so, now that I think about it.
“The kids didn’t want to play with her simply because of her gray and dark color scheme. Me, on the other end, got asked to join a game quite a lot, but denied all of them just to stay with Octavia.” I explained.
Camellia’s eyes went wide in shock before changing to that of pity as she nuzzled her daughter. “Oh, I am so, so sorry to hear that sweetie. I was so sure that making friends for you here would be a lot easier. I am so sorry that this wasn’t the case.” She apologized, even though there was nothing for her to apologize for. The one that should be apologizing would be the parents of these kids for failing at their job in being parents.
And for the kids to be so painfully biased to begin with. I knew that kids this young are capable of developing quite the stupid bias, like girls having cooties or school being the living plague… which it is. But I cannot remember even the slightest that kids back in my world, specifically during my own youth, were that openly biased about something.
Not sure who is hacking these foals’ brains with such glitches, but I have an ill feeling that it has something to do with the nobility of this place, where bigotry seems to seep even into the common citizen’s mind.
Bigots or not, nobles are nobles and do have a lot of power within a society, especially in a monarchy like this one. One of the many examples as to why I dislike monarchies in the first place.
It’s old, uncool, and only made for dungeons and dragons nerds back home. Unless we are talking about Lord of the Rings or Star Wars, of course. Or, if I somehow get crowned as a king and have to guide and govern my own kingdom. Then monarchy would be hip and cool in my books.
Not being biased at all, of course.
Camellia eventually sighed before a smile forced its way up onto her lips. You can’t fool me, woman, nobody goes from sad to happy so fast without being mentally challenged. I said nothing.
“Hey, how about the three of us go get ourselves some ice cream before heading back home? How does that sound?”
Octavia, of course, immediately perked up at that while I just stayed indifferent.
Not sure how ice cream can fix social problems, but for her, or rather kids in general, everything just works as long as it has sugar in it.
She smiled at that, which as a result got Camellia to smile as well. A genuine smile, I might add. Octavia was even the first to enter the carriage while impatiently waiting for the two of us to get in.
Camellia just chuckled at the sudden enthusiasm of her daughter while I just scratched my head. If I ever knew controlling kids would be THAT easy, then having to deal with my hyperactive nephew back when I was 10 would have been a breeze.
Just chuck an ice cream cone down his blubbering mouth and I could have easily hoarded the Playstation 2 for myself without having to hear him whine and complain all the time.
Killing Gods in God of War does require a lot of concentration after all, but I am distracting myself again. Let’s just get ourselves some bloody cream on an ice and get back home.
There is far better shit waiting for me there than any ice cream dealer can ever provide for me. The cheese closet.
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Well, who knew that being a 5 year old again could be so… generic? I mean, I am basically doing the same fucking thing that I have been doing ever since my first gym class back at grade six.
Doing absolutely fucking nothing while at home, and since the earthly commodities like games and internet aren’t a part of my life anymore, this does leave my choice of options pretty… mundane and bedridden. Not that it was even remotely exciting to begin with. I mean these horses don’t even possess a bloody mall where I can go eat fries and totally drain my new dad’s credit card for stuff that I ultimately don’t need and would most likely forget about later.
These racist care bears don’t even have credit cards to begin with. How am I going to be carrying my future allowance? Inside a coin bag? Yeah, that’s certainly not going to be very enticing for thieves or daring hobos to rape my ass for.
I need safety, especially in a world as hippie as this. Clothes? What are those, and those that wear them do it completely wrong. The only clothes they seem to ever wear are the ones designed for your upper torso, which totally defeats the purpose of wearing shit in the first place. Why not just ditch your clothes entirely and cut off your bushy tails while we’re at it?
Let’s go FKK on this shit. Old DDR style.
I outwardly sighed. See what boredom does to me? It’s fascinating, isn’t it? No, really. Barely old enough to be considered potty trained and already having lewd thoughts. Well, granted, I am only a five year old physically… but it’s the thought that counts, a thought that suddenly leads me to the realization that I have a tablet at my disposal. A tablet that I left under my bed and totally forgot about the day prior.
I shrug to myself, knowing fully well that Octy and missus Mum aren’t going to return from ”music practice” for a while. Because she thought that having her daughter being able to play music just like her old woman would be a great way to build up confidence regarding her… everything. That pretty much left me all alone at home with a Hector rip-off and an olive green frenchy in a mini skirt. Talking about music, this pretty much gave me a satisfying idea on how to pass my time while being self-bedridden, especially when everybody is gone, including their most likely unnecessary and mundane questions about Human technology.
The idea was simple; use my tablet as an oversized MP3 player to listen to some 80’s music. Why 80’s music? Well, because everything prior to the 2000’s is absolute garbage in my opinion, specifically in the pop genre. Call me old school, but that’s just how I roll, and besides actual ancient history I just found the 80’s so fascinating. The music, the blocky games, and of course, their wild uncombed hair and excessive use of makeup that just tends to make them look like clowns or just crazy persons.
And you know how much I love crazy shit.
I guess I can thank Vice City for my affiliation to retro music, but I am just getting ahead of myself again. Let’s just see what I got saved up.
Kneeling on the edge of my bed and fishing for my previously-forgotten tablet, I pulled the flat dish out of its bunker and brought it up with me to the center of the bed.
Feeling satisfied that the ear buds were still wiggled around it, I carefully untangled them before fiddling them up onto my horse ears. Not sure how I am able to accomplish certain things with thumb-less appendages, but again, I am not going to complain.
Good conveniences are good conveniences after all.
I turned the thing on and flicked the screen around in search for my music files. My smile only grew when I noticed the title of the first song that popped up.
Cheri, Cheri Lady from Modern Talking. The most 80’s band right next to Nina or The Scorpions. Plus they’re all German too so that works double for me. In your face, corporate America. I can hear the nationalists getting triggered already. Good, because they can’t get me here in magical rainbow horse land. Your nukes are no match for the power of RAINBOWS, MADAFAKAS!
Pressing the play button and laying back down, I just let myself go as the retro filled my hearing. Not sure how much time passed after that, but I know for a fact that 10 songs had passed through the self-arranged playlist when the door to my room suddenly creaked open.
How did I notice this despite my current lack of hearing? Well, easy, a certain olive green hoof suddenly shook me out of my groove which forced me to look up to its source.
She looked a bit annoyed, which was rather adorable on her greenish face I have to say, but other than that nothing new that I hadn’t already seen countless times before in my life.
People tend to either get confused or annoyed the moment I enter a room which I always liked for my own selfish sense of entertainment. Pleasing everyone is boring and downright impossible anyway, so why even bother? Just go the opposite route instead and see their reactions unfold. You wouldn’t believe the power that confusion can give you. More power than any Ring of power can ever grant you. See for yourselves, I have never seen the One ring downright stun someone into silence which would give the hero or the villain the much needed chance to get a quick and precise death blow to your enemy.
Confusion, baby! Only in Europe… and maybe parts of Asia as well.
She immediately started to say something which I, of course, was unable to hear. I secretly moved my right hoof under my pillow where I stashed my tablet (because I am clever) and fiddle for a while until I managed to turn it off which also canceled out the music.
“…doesn’t mean you should ignore it when somepony is calling you. Do you understand?” Olivia chided which just adds to her adorable naivety.
I just instinctively nodded despite not really knowing what the heck she was chiding me about in the first place. I managed to learn in my earlier years that just nodding when someone is looking particularly annoyed is usually the safest strategy. Used moderately during my school days and even all the way up to college years. But be careful, don’t exercise that mentally too much in other situations or you might otherwise get yourself roped into something that you clearly don’t want to.
Never happened to me thankfully, but then again it doesn’t really take a genius to come up with that logic. Especially when TV and the internet gives us the perfect examples.
She eventually just sighs, shaking her head before just looking tired instead of annoyed. “Anyway, as I said, Sir Brass has instructed me to ask if you would like to accompany him and I over to their family business in the heart of the City. It will be only you and Hector in the house if you choose to stay though, and I have to personally admit, he isn’t particularly well-suited for foals.” She explained, or rather repeated herself which in turn caused me to perk.
“Hmm, a chance to leave the house and see more of this damn city with only dad and frenchy over here? Well I do like frenchy… even though she thwarted my plans for coffee that one time.” I thought to myself while evaluating my options.
For one, I am fine from where I am now; just a bed, a tablet, and easy access to a toilet and a fridge. So really I am all set to waste my time as professionally as I have been since the day I was born.
But… what exactly am I procrastinating for? I am five in the eyes of these horses so I obviously have nothing to do. Which is fine by me, but I am getting off track again.
On the other hand, it would mean that I would be able to get some well-needed knowledge as to how my new step parents get all of their moolah. Plus I will be able to continue to prey on frenchy’s little naivety some more, which is always fun. The strong and insane must prey on the weak.
Learned quickly during my time here that she was obviously leaning more towards the naïve and innocent side of things. Two great perks for a guy like me to take full advantage of as this type of people are just the easiest to mess around with, and since I am considered by all to be nothing more than a normal five year old, you wouldn’t believe the shit that I am openly getting away with.
And, to be honest, I do kind of like her for that… or learned to like her. Maybe it’s just that French accent that draws me in. I am a sucker for good sounding accents though, just listen to Brass and Camellia for example.
Also, Olivia was the one who pointed me towards that cheese closet that one time, while being the one who always helps me to cut the cheese for easier consumption… yup, I think I do really like her, which means that I am going, just to confuse her some more and make her go cross-eyed.
With my decision set and my reasons laid out I just nod, letting her know that I was in on their gig which in turn just confused her for some reason.
“What? Does that mean yes for coming along or yes for staying here?” She questioned which in turn just made me frown a bit.
“Going with you two of course. Why would I nod for saying no? I am not going to be left behind with a wanna be Hector, just in case an Achilles comes by and thinks that I am his younger brother Paris or whatever. I don’t want anything to do with that, especially once they both start blaming me from stealing the beautiful Helen from Sparta myself.” I explain with a raised head and hoof, which in turn just confused her.
“Uh… what?” Was all she could say as she just looked at me funny.
I just kept going. “Yes, what. What will happen to Helen after Troy falls? I am certainly not going to ship her ass back to Sparta. Eine Seefahrt ist NICHT lustig , especially during that time period.” I dramatically added while crossing my hooves.
She was just completely lost at this point. She eventually regained her control and blinked, before shaking her head a bit to get the confusion cleared out. Seriously, what is it with these ponies and always suffering from a mini stroke when something doesn’t click with them?
“Anyway… so you want to come with us, then?” She asked, forcing her way back into the topic without suffering too much of a brain aneurysm.
I just smiled, accidentally ripping my ear bud out of my ears as I shot up.
“HELL YEAH, LET’S FUCKING GO TO A BARKADA TRIP, LET’S GO AND MEET SOME PEOPLE.” I declared with a huge amount of enthusiasm to back it up.
Olivia predictably flinched back, most likely because of my sudden tone, but from my swearing as well. She was about to say, or rather, chide me about it when I just interrupted her by hopping off my bed, passing by her and giving her a friendly slap on the hind leg.
“Anyway, time is money as they like to say, something I am sure Brass can agree on if I ever ask him about it. Let’s not keep Copper, Bronze and Brass waiting then. C’mon chop, chop.” I commented while making my way to the door, leaving the mare behind me stumped.
“Hey, wait up!” I heard her eventually respond as she quickly caught up to me.
I quickly allowed her to take the lead from this point forth as I had obviously no idea where the Brash boy was currently located. Even if I did, I would still most likely require some assistance regardless, simply because I haven’t bothered to familiarize myself with the layout of this place yet.
Why? Well, why should I? I already know where the kitchen is, where the exit is and I even know how to get to my room from these two aforementioned locations, a room that houses my own private bathroom as well. So really why would I need to know the rest of the mansion as well?
It’s not like Brass and Camellia possess some underground vault where they keep and store all of their coinage Scrooge Mcduck style or anything… on second thought, if both Brass and Camellia DO possess such a vault right under our hooves then I immediately need to know how to get there and where from.
I always wanted to see how it feels to swim in money. Those comic books do make it look very enticing.
Anyway, Olive and I where now just trotting along through the Baroque style hallways of this home. Her leading the way in front of me with me just casually following along before eventually staring up at her mini skirt out of boredom. And guess what was terrible? Well, not terrible-terrible, but more terrible as in TERRIBLE in hiding what a skirt should be hiding in the first place. It’s a pony ass, no surprise there, but what eventually really ended up to be a surprise and also somewhat intriguing, was the fact that she was actually wearing something back there.
No, they were not panties like most people would think, that idea would just be too simple and generic for this current situation. Nooo, what she was actually wearing back there was a full blown, hardcore, unadulterated white thong, a freaking thong going straight through her olive green butt cheeks. I didn’t even knew horses could wear those.
That my eyes went wide after THAT realization would have been an understatement.
Granted, they were still horrible, as in “they were doing a HORRIBLE job at concealing the very thing that they were designed to be concealing in the first case” kind of horrible. Why? Well, simply because of pony private parts being WAY more obvious naturally in comparisons to a human's. But still, it’s the thought that counts and the fact that she is actually not running around completely nude in the house, or in public… I think.
Now that I think about it, this would be highly inappropriate for public. Not just that, but also a very bad tease as well. A really bad tease as in “it leaves nothing open for a stallion’s imagination as it still perfectly outlines exactly what is actually hidden under there” kind of tease.
Zero effort, again you might actually be better off in just mimicking everybody else and wear absolutely nothing at all. You already have fur, just make sure that your naturally given drapes are doing their actual fucking job and it should be fine. I just contradicted myself, didn’t I?
I shook my head before just looking at something else to either admire or mentally bitch about.
Like her stockings. Completely the wrong color in my opinion.
Why am I turning into Karl Lagerfeld all of the sudden?
I just scratched my head. With all of that said and done and me once again looking somewhere else and not at my path for future reference, we eventually stopped in front of a large single door at the end of a hallway.
Olivia knocked politely a couple of times before waiting patiently.
“Yes, please come in.” I heard Brass respond from the other side, which in turn allowed Olivia next to me to open the door.
I peeked my head through. “Oh, it’s just a simple office. How… simple.” I thought to myself, feeling a bit disappointed.
Granted, there really wasn’t anything simple about it at first glance, given the fact that everything here just screamed Victorian style in terms of furnishing. But comparing this to everything else I have seen so far inside this house, this looks and feels pretty mediocre.
How… refreshing.
Olivia smiled as she stepped in. “I did as you asked, Sir Brass, and according to him, he is very much interested in joining us to downtown Canterlot. Even though his delivery on that was… random.” She announced.
Brass just smiled at that as he pulled out an envelope from a drawer. “That’s nice to know, always wanted to bring my children to ‘take your kids to work day’, as the others like to call it.” He half joked before closing said drawer and making his way to us. The things floating in his voodoo hoodoo.
Seriously, I really need to know how to do that myself, just imagine the shit I can pull with that.
“So you want to join us to our family’s business? Granted it’s not as exciting as Kindergarten or a toy store, but we can stop by and get ourselves some donuts and ice-cream on the way there if you want.” He suggested which in turn just made me look up at him with a curious frown.
“How about a cheese sandwich, or that one Starbucks clone me and Miss Camellia passed by the other day?” I counter-suggested, which gave Brass turn to look at me curiously.
“Well a cheese sandwich is fine, but getting you coffee is completely off-limits. Camellia has already told me what happened on that day and I am also fully convinced that coffee is not for young foals.” He explained which was a rather predictable answer.
I just puckered my lips in defiance and said nothing, knowing full well that I won’t get any coffee from him anytime soon… or anyone else for that matter.
What does a man have to do to get some coffee around here? I need my cup of Joe.
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“Alright, you’re doing great… well, almost… actually, not at all. I guess a guitar truly is just for unicorns.” Miss Soft Harp commented as she took the guitar away with her magic.
I looked down at my hooves with a frown. The constant failed attempts and trying to properly pull the string has made my hooves all hurty.
Mother behind me just sigh; not a sigh of being tired but a sigh of disappointment, which is much worse and makes me feel even more bad than I already do.
I know mommy is trying her best, and I know that she really loves me but… the problems about me always seems to be about the fact that I don’t have a horn like mom and dad… or Alex.
I just looked down at the ground as my ears folded against my head. I really don’t understand why everything is so unfair around me. All because I wasn’t born without one of those horns.
I know that I am still a pony, but everypony just seems to treat me as if I was something else instead. It’s just not fair.
“Every instrument we have tried today just seems not to work well for Octavia. We even tried the piano, but she is still too small to reach all the keys, and besides that even if she does get older she still wouldn’t be able to operate the keys in the same effectiveness because earth ponies have somewhat broader hooves compared to the other races.” Miss Soft Harp explained, which I guess means something bad.
My mom just looked discouraged by that as she looked at all the instruments I was asked to try out, most of them just being too difficult for me to even hold. Like that trumpet thing or that violin, or that… pipe thing I forgot the name of. To me it looked like a flute but mommy said it had a more… professional name, whatever that means.
Overall, we have tried every instrument that Miss Soft Harp had in her shop. All of them turned out to be… too difficult for me to play or even get my hooves around. Well, I can play them, but I would guess anypony could just start stroking the strings with their hooves and some kind of sounds.
And just sound isn’t exactly music, as we all heard.
I just kept to myself as always did as mommy and Miss Soft Harp continued to talk to one another.
Not really sure what it was about because I wasn’t really paying much attention at that moment. I was just too busy feeling guilty in how I disappointed my mom… again.
“So you really don’t have anything else a foal like her could play?” My mom asked after I started to somewhat pay attention again, though my thoughts were still… not very nice.
Miss Soft sighs. “Well, yes. That’s, sadly, all the instruments I have at disposal at the moment. It’s just a shame none of them seem to connect with her very well, while other are just more affiliated with magic use. Again, I am sorry if I don’t have more to offer.” She apologized with a sorry tone.
Both Mommy and her eventually looked at me still slumping around the stool which just forced me to slump back even more. I just don’t like it when ponies look at me like this… as if I was different… as if I wasn’t a pony.
Maybe they are all right, maybe I am just… different. Maybe I am just weird after all.
I was really starting to feel awful. Everywhere I seem to go I just seemed to get reminded again and again that I don’t have a horn like mommy or daddy. Why is having a horn so important? Is this why Mom and Dad adopted Alex from the orphanage, to have a unicorn?
“Is he going to… replace me?”
My eyes went wide of just a moment before I forced these ideas out of my head.
“No, Alex is my friend and really has been the only true friend I have. He is funny, certainly weird and silly sometimes but still funny and really friendly to me. He even plays with me when other foals won’t. He is just… he just seems to understand me the most. I know that he is a friend.” I thought to myself in an attempt to calm myself down.
It was actually then when my mom tapped me on the shoulder which forced me to look up. She smiled, though somewhat sadly, which was worrying. I knew that she was disappointed.
“C’mon Octavia, Miss Soft Harp doesn’t seem to have anything here for you. Perhaps we could try again in a different music store with a different teacher.” Mommy explained. “Let’s just go take a small stop by the donut store. I will even buy your favorite flavor.”
With that I hopped off from my stool and followed my mom out of the store. I do like donuts, but I just know that even those won’t help me to feel better. I just feel so… lost right now. Like how I usually feel.
I just don’t understand why everything just seems so hard. Why can’t I just have more friends and have fun?
I just want to have fun, just like everypony else. No more of this “Bullshit” as Alex always says… whatever that means.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“So, does this mean that you are still a virgin?” I curiously asked Olivia while looking up at her from her lap that I managed to occupy against her will… and won.
She in turn just looked at me, shocked, while sporting a very obvious blush on her olive green cheeks.
“Wha… what the… just because I have never had a special somepony doesn’t mean that… HOW IN EQUESTRIA DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A VIRGIN IS?” She demanded, trying to look all offended even though I knew that she was both confused and totally embarrassed to the core.
Oh, how funny it is to mess with the naïve ones.
I just looked smugly at her. “Simple…” I began. ”Because of the Internet. You wouldn’t believe what a guy can find with just one simple google search.” I explained which just made her even more confused… if that is even possible.
“What… what the hay is an Internet?” She questioned which in turn just made me raise an eyebrow knowingly.
“Yeah, I know, right?” I stated with extended arms. “That’s what I am asking myself too. I mean, couldn’t they have come up with a much cooler name than just calling it the International Network? I mean, that name is just so… uninspiring, needs more finesse in my opinion.” This was apparently her breaking point as she seemed to physically give up.
“Nevermind, forget it, just… are we at the store yet?” She questioned while looking at Brass seated opposite from us.
He, of course didn’t pay her any attention, just like he has been this entire time since I conquered Olivia’s lap and started to probe her mind with questions. He has been staring at all of his notes and documents this entire time, mumbling something every once in a while and looking like he was crunching numbers in his head.
Basically doing his job while on his way to his job. Talk about taking your job seriously, and we haven’t even reached the sandwich store yet. What a great job.
I’m already getting hungry for just thinking about cheese sandwiches.
“Sir Brass, we have arrived at the Market district. Would you like us to make a stop at the closest food selling establishment, or would you like us to just continue straight to your store?” A rough sounding stallion called out, which was no doubt one of the dudes strapped onto this carriage.
Brass finally perked up to that as he lifted his head away from his papers, even going so far as to remove his glasses with his wonder wand before sticking his head out the window.
“Actually, would you two just pull over here instead? I was planning on doing a bit of shopping anyway before heading over to the family store. We might as well walk the rest of the way ourselves, it’s not that far from the store here anyway.” He said, which in turn caused me to look up at Olivia.
She looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. “Carry me.” I casually asked while raising my hoof towards her.
She just looked at me funny. “Carry you? Why would I want to carry you? You have perfectly good legs to stand and walk on your own.” She pointed out which in turn just made me pout.
“Well, if you don’t then I am going to tell everyone back at the store that you are a virgin, and love wearing a thongs under your skirt.” I threatened with crossed hooves.
Olivia of course didn’t look too happy, despite her blush. “What? No… you, you wouldn’t.” She challenged, a challenge that I gladly took on.
“Oh, I will.” I pressed on.
“Never.” She pressed on herself while getting close with her muzzle.
“Never what?” Brass suddenly joined in which in turn caused Olivia’s blush to only intensify.
“No-nothing, nothing at all sir, Alex and I are… just having a friendly game of dare… yes.” She tried to bullshit her way out.
Well, I was having none of that. ”Actually, I want to say that she loves to wear a se…” I tried to say before Olivia’s hoof had other ideas.
She just laughed awkwardly. “Shirt… of course I like wearing shirts, they are just a lot more comfortable than most ponies would give them credit for, in my opinion.” She quickly butted in, which in turn just caused Brass to raise an eyebrow.
He just shrugged it off before collecting all of his stuff, which was also the same time the carriage pulled off to the side and stopped at some random store which name I will most likely forget about later because it’s not important. So why even bother?
Olivia sighed in defeat. “Fine, I will carry you. But please keep that… strange mouth of yours shut while we are trotting around the streets. The last thing I want is for you to make a scene around us.” She pleaded before Brass stepped out of the box, followed by her and me now on her back.
I scratched my chin in thought. “A scene, how the heck can I make a scene without a script and a camera to work with?” I casually questioned which in turn just made her groan.
Also… ”You are basically asking a mad person to be sane. It’s like the coming of the four horsemen - you are just asking for the apocalypse to happen.”
But fine, I will force myself to keep quiet for now, only because I don’t want to lose my only cheese cutter’s favor… or have her die out of redness.
Really, what is it with these horses and their emotions? It’s all cranked up to eleven on them. Compliment them by saying that they are pretty and the first thing they will do is blush, face to the side and start pawing the ground awkwardly with a bit of a goofy smile on their faces.
All I did was telling that filly that she looked pretty good and BOOM, I get the “Kissing” song sang by everybody. Quite a surprise that they even know this song, let alone that it even exists in this world.
I guess they DO grow up really fast these days. I blame the internet, even though there isn’t one here… yet.
Riding around the shopping avenue… no really, that’s its name… on Olivia’s back was... well... what the fuck was everyone expecting? I am riding on Olivia’s back, around town, just because I am too lazy to do it myself. Nothing special here.
We simply visited a grocery store, a bookstore, and a supply store before we finally ended up at that one place that sells food and shit… well, food that you eat on a table, a food joint of some sort. I wouldn’t fully call it a restaurant either simply because the prices here weren’t outrageous.
They were all fast food level in pricing, which is nice… I guess.
Some of the ponies sitting around the tables outside the store give me and my group a curious look as we approached. I can tell that all of the diners in this decent establishment where all simple commoners. How? Well, they were all naked, that’s how.
Crazy how being naked in this world is considered to be middle class. Back it my world the reason why certain people didn’t have clothes in the first place was either because they are too poor, or self-justified hippies. Mostly option two, simply because even the poorest of people have at least rags to cover themselves up with.
I was, of course, forcefully removed from Olivia’s back and placed on a seat the moment we found one. Both Olivia and Brass quickly took their own as well as a waitress immediately came over to our table. Some ponies were still staring at us by the way, mostly at Brass who looked as British as ever.
“Welcome to Sunny Daisies and Sandwiches. What would the two gentle stallions and lady have?” She professionally questioned as she whipped out a notepad from her apron.
I only just noticed that she had neither a horn nor wings, which meant that she must be the same race as Octy face. In fact, nobody in this joint even had a horn, with most of them being your simple normies that where both horn- and wingless. I guess I now understand why all of them where looking at us curiously with some passing noble either looking shocked or just disgusted.
Brass, a noble, was dining in a place for normies, filled with normies, and he wasn’t giving a shit about it. This just perfectly drives home just how deep their racial and social divide really goes. Elites are expected to be just hanging out with either people of the same social or financial status while normies should just keep to themselves and not bother them. I can’t help but fully respect Brass for this, he is just one of those very few that just completely ignored this social mindset, despite having the rights to be just as snoopy is the rest of his kind, but completely ignored it for the sake of just “DO IT”.
He seemed like the golden egg on top a turd mountain, or maybe I have been watching too much “The Angry Videogame Nerd” to be quoting it like that.
Screw it, just give me my sandwich already. I have an Olivia to ride after all… well, ride as in literally riding her, and not that… other activity.
Get your minds out of the gutter you filthy people.
Brass just smiled at the young lady after he lowered his notes again. Can you please stop looking at those? Feeding a child is more important than making money. You already have a shit ton of that to begin with.
“Well, yes.” He responded before fixing his tie. “We would just like three of your triple cheese sandwich adventures please, and some simple juice along with it.” He ordered.
Now this should be funny. I have yet to see a non-horny to try and use a pen to write something with it. Until now all I have seen so far were either the use of a glow stick or the use of wings being mistaken as fingers. Which, by the way is normally bullshit, because feathers are feathers and not fingers. But hey, I saw it work with my own eyes, so who am I to call this bullshittery out?
She pulled out a pen out of the side of the notepad with her mouth and began to… oh, so that’s how they do it. All she did was move the pen around the pad with the help of her mouth. From my angle it looked super bullshit, but I would guess that she is actually writing something on that processed piece of driftwood and not just doodling some random scribbles on it. This action of hers is funnily enough a lot more believable than the whole wing issue I pointed out earlier. I can easily believe that, with practice, anyone could be able to write with their mouth. Maybe not that classic wavy style, but good enough to actually make it understandable.
When she was done, she stashed the notepad back into its lair and trotted off, only to stop and turn herself around, her expression telling me that she forgot something… which she did.
“Oh wait, I am so sorry for not asking, but what kind of juice would you like to have? We have many flavors to choose from.” She questioned.
Brass just kept his ever patient smile as he answered. “Whatever is on top of the order really, just surprise us.” He responded.
The mare nodded before trotting off once more to act on his order. A lot of the strange looks have long since subsided as many have simply returned to their own minds and businesses. Well, not all, that would be obviously WAY too easy. A noble, a mare to be precise, that I immediately recognized as that aunt figure of that one kid that Octavia should not be close to, just looked like she had her own two cents to throw into this well.
Or just rocks, as I would imagine that she would be too stingy and uptight to even do that.
I could already imagine what she was about to shat out.
“How tasteless, dining in such a dirt and common-run establishment for a pony of your status. Haven’t your parents ever taught you some self-respect or class?” She criticized, which was just typical.
Brass of course kept calm as he turned to the upstart hag. “Simple…” He began. ”It’s called enjoying the more simple aspects of life. Also, yes my parents HAVE taught me self-respect and class, which is why I am her still wearing my suit and keeping my mane well combed.” He responded, staying cool and not giving her any leverage.
She just huffed before trotting off but of course needed to have the last word. “Suit yourself, though don’t be surprised if the upcoming gossip about your presence here are going to impact your family's status. How you even managed to get some respect I will never know.” She added before disappearing into the crowd.
Brass sighed after she left while rubbing his forehead. “Almost just as bad as my uncle.” He muttered while momentarily keeping to himself.
I have to agree. Even though I have no idea who or how his uncle is, but from his expression he sounds just as aristocratic as the rest of these money hawks. Their ruler should be taxing the everlasting shit out of these guys to keep them in line. Unless she is just like them, then everybody here is fucked and I get my perfect excuse to find this “Germane” Octy once mentioned and to be with my people… well, theoretically speaking, of course.
Neither Brass nor I had the time to linger on our own thoughts for too long though as the apron-wearing mare suddenly came back with a plate balanced on her back. Brass being the oh-so-cliché gentleman that he is, used his voodoo hoodoo to free the mare of her burden and levitating the three plates of the sandy witches onto the table.
She kindly thanked him for his efforts before trotting off again to most likely get the batch of drinks he ordered.
For me it was “Fuck the drinks” especially when my sensitive pony nose quickly picked up the scent of these well-prepared morsels.
Cheese. Melted, heavenly cheese, and three of them at the same time.
My mouth just watered at the thought, even more so when I managed to identify the different smells thanks to years of experience.
“Fontina, Gouda, Mozzarella. I think my nose and my crotch are going to have an orgasm.” I thought to myself as I looked at the baked sandwich with an almost-vampiric need, before doing a Homer Simpsons instead and gurgling my own saliva.
“MINE!!!” I declared loudly which shocked everyone around me.
I grabbed the sandwich in my predatory hooves and squeezed it, watching as some of the cheese leaked, out which only intensified my inner beast.
Without wasting any time I took my first bite, only to realize that this shit was still melting hot. But I forced it down as my taste buds quickly registered something else.
I was in heaven. This also meant I need to somehow bug Olivia about making something similar to this back at home, otherwise I would be searching through her drawers for those thongs and blackmail her. If I can find her room that is... or I could just ask her.
Yes, I know blackmailing this sweet little naïve thing is just unethical… but I am hungry, damn it, and as long I am not legally old enough to raid the kitchens when someone is actually looking then I obviously need a pair of second… hooves to make me breakfast, lunch, and dindin.
Plus she cuts cheese like no other. Those precise, delicate slices which she makes are just so sexy to look at; those perfectly proportioned cuts, those slow strokes make any cheese enthusiast hard… not that I got hard by watcher her, simply because of the lack of muscle memory my new young body had in regards to pumping blood into some… ”Key areas”.
But I am getting ahead of myself again, especially since when my vision slowly started to swirl as I enthusiastically chewed on my food. Too bad that Fontina give me a lot of gas, otherwise I would have asked for seconds.
Which… wouldn’t have worked anyway if I still wanted to, because, as I said, Fontina has the tendency to give me gas, and me eating one right now does create an immediate recipe for disaster one way or another. Well a disaster for Olivia’s eyes at least.
I somehow managed to unhinge a massive boogey out of my system after my 3rd bite, which caused half of the outside consumers to immediately abandon their seats. Not sure how my new body is capable of such feats of bodily wastes in such quantities, but I blame the active cartoon physics that this world sometimes operates from... which does make my normal case of “Die Blähungen” a lot more prominent. In the end I still managed to “accidentally” create a scene despite Olivia’s wishes.
I just continued to happily chew on my food while Brass just looked at me funny with a handkerchief held to his nose while Olivia just buried her face in her hoof, most likely in embarrassment.
I guess I should try and make an effort to tell them what I can and cannot eat well in the future, especially with these cartoon physics coming out of hiding every once in a while.
But alas, I regret nothing. Plus its suits my needs pretty well.
Get used to my random scene making, Olivia. I can promise you more where that came from, either intentionally or unintentionally.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Well this is it, Alex, this is our family's pride and joy, and the very source and reason of our name and status within the noble community. The very symbol of the Silverwatch name but… I doubt you will have much interest in that anyway.” Brass announced as me, him and a still-agitated Olivia were standing in front of a rather big and very fancy looking establishment.
Right at the very center of the city, mind you.
I have to admit that I am not very impressed with this at all, even if this store is three stories tall. But then again, I have only seen the outside of it and not the inside. Furthermore, a three story building isn’t really that tall in comparisons to a three story building for humans, so there is that.
I just crossed my hooves and decided to be honest. “Not very impressive. It looks fancier in comparison to everything around it, but that’s it.” I answered, which in turn caused Brass to chuckle.
“Well, I will admit that from the outside it really doesn’t seem very special, but once you go inside and get an understanding of what our family has been specialized in and known for throughout the land, then I am sure that you would withdraw you lack of wonder just a little bit.” He responded, which in turn just made me more curious.
“ We’ll see, Copper and Brass, we’ll see, thanks to my fever dreams and my over-exposure to the Internet I am very rock solid when it comes to my level of expectations and suspensions of disbelief, which… are almost non existent to be honest. So show me what you got.” I thought to myself as I followed brass into the front glass door of this supposedly-impressive thing.
Not for Olivia thought, as she was busy with her own problems in carrying all of the shit that Brass has bought on his shopping trip prior before finally getting here, which is also why I am not riding on her back anymore as it is occupied by a large set of shopping bags.
The moment I entered through the main hall was the moment when I realized what this store was all about, and again, I was not impressed, especially with some of the customers that here. Nobles, of course.
“This is just a massive jewelry and accessory store.” I commented out loud, feeling generally unimpressed by what the countless glass panels and shelves had to offer.
Again, Brass just chuckled while I was busy examining a rather simple silver necklace with a big sapphire as its highlight.
“Not just any jewelry and accessories, which would honestly be rather generic and a bit too trivial as to why our family name is so big despite the fact that we still possess the largest jewelry business in the city.” Brass explained as he moved behind the counter and opened one of the panels to pull a much more delicate and well-crafted necklace out of it.
“No, what makes our family so famous and respected for almost a 1000 years of history is because of our ability and talent to create some of the best enchanted jewelry and items in the whole kingdom. Our family has always been some of the most skilled jewelry smiths and enchanters since the early days of Equestria.” He finished, which he demonstrated by causing the gem in the necklace he was holding to glow in an almost fire-like effect.
I looked back down at the necklace behind the glass and saw that the sapphire-like gem also gave off a soft glow from its center, which in turn really caused my brows to arch up somewhat.
A rather pleasant surprise, but again nothing to major in my book. I just had to immediately connect this shop's specialties with services that the College of Winterhold offers. Enchanting services, and the selling of such items.
At this point I was just more focused on the possibility of getting myself a necklace with Conjuration reduction cost than the actual store itself. Just image all of those Atronachs I can let loose on those pesky nobles. Especially our next door neighbor, who I started to slowly hate thanks to his constant bachelor-esque parties that this show-off likes to host over there.
The tedious night time hours I had to suffer through because of him, and he even started to call me and Octy loud and rowdy whenever we were fucking about in the backyard.
The nerves of some people. I even discovered a batch of used condoms in one of his trash bags. What an animal.
I wonder if he could give me pointers.
I just scratched my head at that thought before just following dear old Brass past some onlookers, overinflated customers and of course a lot of bling.
Brass eventually told me that he had to head up to his office for some work that would most likely not interest me, so he offered that I could stay down here and roam around a bit as long as I behaved and didn’t harass the staff or customers.
Wishful thinking, but alas, what is a boy like me to do.
Olivia, on the other hand, was carrying those shopping bags into a side room that was only meant for employees. In other words, I was finally free to do what I wanted.
Ooh, the possibilities, especially in a place like this. I wonder if there is a necklace that can make someone look super attractive to anyone. I would totally give this necklace to Olivia so that she can stop pleasuring herself in vain.
I think that those were her moans I heard coming from the bathroom the other day. But I wasn’t really paying too much attention to it at the time, just like with a lot of other things in my life.
But alas, time to mingle with the jingles… uh, I mean, ponies.
I began to look around the shop at that point, trying to spy something to do, check out, or even my next victim to harass.
There was a decently sized number of customers roaming around the shop, which is honestly kind of a surprise, given what this store is all about. Granted, most of them do belong into the category of “I am too rich for this shit”, but there were of course some naked ponies mixed in between them as well, most likely to just browse what this joint has to offer and dream about having something that they obviously cannot pay for.
I actually find it somewhat good that these enchanted items are so difficult to obtain for the normal masses. Not because of the possible danger of some of them reaching the wrong… hooves, because they already kind of do, but mostly because it would mean more for me down to road to experiment with and to abuse the ever living shit out of them. First I need to give Brass and Camellia some cancer though, cancer as in adorable cancer; the diabetes. Use my pwease to woo them while I still can.
Or at least that’s the overall plan. If it works on mares then why not on stallions as well? Well, stallions that aren’t acting like little bitches.
After a moment of just looking around I eventually managed to spot a pleasing target. A simple mint green Pegasus mare stationed behind one of the counters. What immediately drew me to her were the facts that she kind of mimicked the oh-so-cliché sexy librarian look. Glasses, a hair bun, and of course a face that is just as innocent-looking as Olivia’s. A perfect target for harassment if I ever saw one.
I stopped myself as a thought suddenly crossed my mind. “Am I already going local?” I thought to myself with a bit of a surprise.
I immediately mentally dismissed it. “Nah, can’t be. I mean, my balls haven’t even dropped yet, so how in the living lala land can I even be producing the hormones necessary for such thoughts? Even if that is the case, then it wouldn’t really matter in the long run anyway as I would just forget about it again the next day. In-built firewall protection, better than any condom.” I thought to myself with a satisfied grin before making my way over to the other end of the counter. Ignoring all of the stares aimed at me and the complaining comments about letting a foal run around unsupervised within a magical bebop shop.
I sneaked my way behind the same counter the mare was occupying and pulled up a sizable stool up onto it that I managed to spot in a corner. The mare in question looked at me curiously from where she stood as I climbed up onto the stool right next to her, taking position onto the counter as if I was a salesman ready to sell something to some unsuspecting idiots.
Which I actually might, an idea immediately crossing my mind.
“Uhm… hello there, little foal? Uhm… what exactly brings you here into the Silverwatch shop all alone… and with no supervision?” The mare curiously asked beside me while I was busy making myself comfortable on the stool.
I eventually looked up at her with a businessman type look. “Entschuldigung, aber sprechen sie deutsch?” I randomly questioned which caused her to blink at me for a couple of times.
She raised a curious eyebrow as she responded. “Unzuverlässig Ja, aber leider nicht so flüssig.” She responded.
I just nod before looking back ahead of me before her words finally registered in my head. It was my turn to furrow my eyebrows as I looked back at the mint green mare next to me.
“Moment mal, sind sie vielleicht von Germane?” I curiously questioned.
She sadly shook her head. “No, though my parents originally come from there. I was born here in Equestria after they migrated. So basically I am a lot more equestrian than I am Germane.” She explained.
I just “Oh…” as a response feeling both intrigued and somewhat disappointed at the same time. I was really hoping for a second there that she was really German because it would have meant that I had someone to share my love with Pretzels and “Schwarzwälder kirschtorte” with. UND LEDERHOSEN, don’t forget about the Lederhosen… and beer.
Where is my Germany when I need it?
The mare besides me eventually smiled, before ruffling my already messy mane with her less messy wing to make it look even messier than it already was. So really, nothing has changed as far as I’m concerned.
I just shooed her wing away before retaking my business-like position on the counter, resting both my arms onto its surface and clapping my hoof together in a patient manner.
The mare beside me found my act to be somewhat amusing of course, as I heard her chuckling a bit. Too bad that this wasn’t an act, otherwise it would be kind of funny. But no, I was dead serious when I mentally decided to try and scam someone in of their hard… or easy earned cash.
“Would you stop your chuckling?! I am trying to attract some customers here.” I annoyingly pointed out which in turn caused the mare to look down at me curiously.
“You are? Well, in that case you can pretty much wait as long as you can sit still, because most ponies just come here to browse these wares and get immediately put off by these ridiculous prices we have in display here.” She explained, which in turn just caused me to bury my face into my hooves and groan.
“Well, with THAT attitude you certainly won’t sell anything. You got to be assertive, aggressive in your marketing, be literally in their faces until they finally succumb to your will and buy something from you, or until they just straight on punch you in the face for being so darn close. Because then you can file a lawsuit at them for assault and then scam them for even MORE money than you originally would have gotten from them. Its business making one-oh-one, has nobody ever taught you that in school?” I explained professionally and directly before returning to my pose.
The mare of course looked at me with confusion, and also a bit with surprise at my straightforward answer.
She was about to say something when I quickly cancelled her out by spotting my first customer; a yellow unicorn mare with an orange mane who was curiously browsing a set of rings at the same counter that me and… what her name where occupying.
“YOU THERE, GOOD AND TRUSTWORTHY CUSTOMER!” I shouted, which in turn wasn’t really that necessary as she was already within earshot.
But of course I did it anyway because MY business strategy is all about being aggressive. It also gives me a perfectly legitimate reason to shout too.
This did the trick, as the mare in question automatically lifted her gaze to look at me. The mare next to me was about so say something again, only for her to get artistically thwarted once again.
“I see that you seem to be highly interested in those beautiful rings that our house has so lovingly and skillfully crafted. What kind of a price range did you have in mind?” I professionally stated which in turn caused the mare to just curiously look at me.
Mystery mare number one was once more trying to take control of the situation before I shut her down yet again. Though this time by casually throwing some nearby ads at her face while keeping my gaze fixed on mystery mare number two.
I just kept my smile. “Well, do you wish to purchase something?” I casually questioned.
The mare just looked at me dumbly before shaking her head and regaining her composure. “What, no I was just looking around. Also aren’t you a bit too young to be selling anything, little colt?” She pointed out which in turn caused the sexy librarian to clear her face from all of those commercials.
“Yes that’s what I was going to say this entire time.” She unintelligently butted in, to which she was rewarded with another batch of ads directly in her face.
I just grinned. “Well, yes, yes I am.” I boldly stated before looking back at her. ”But just because I am young doesn’t mean that I lack the capacity to be reasonable. You see, manufacturing all these wears does cost a lot of time and effort on our part, so much so that it is very heavy on our funds which is why these prices seem ridiculous. A higher production cost does translate to a higher selling value after all. Do you understand me?” I explained casually while keeping my perfect business aesthetic.
She just scratched her head. “Well, yeah I guess that makes sense.” she responded before looking back at me. ”But still, why would I want to buy any of these? I mean, I would love to get an enchanted ring for my coltfriend the same way he got one for me during my birthday, but… again, it’s so expensive.” She sighs at the end.
I nod. “I understand, sometimes it is our budget which is holding us back from the things we want. Same for us, we need to make sales in order to continue providing Equestria with our enchanting expertise and wearables. Just imagine what would happen if we ever would go down like that. You won’t be able to get your love one the gift they so healthfully deserve and not just you, so many lovers all across the kingdom wouldn’t be able to show their loved ones just how much they mean to them. Is this kind of future that you wish upon your fellow kind?” I challenged while acting both sadden and somewhat distressed as the same time.
My tactic worked, milking the overemotional nature of these living crayons. “Well…” She began “That would certainly be a shame. I have heard that this family offers the absolute best in both goldsmithing and enchanting, and personally I really don’t know or have heard of anypony else being able to offer something so similar… well, the enchantments I mean. I don’t think anypony else makes enchantments so commercially available like that.” She explained, mostly to herself then me as she scratched her head again.
She did regain her focus though as she once again looked back at me. ”But, isn’t that what these noble are here for too? I bet these higher ups are your best customers.” She added.
I just shook my head. ”Nope, just because you are rich doesn’t mean that you are immune to stinginess and greed. I bet you know what I am talking about with this one.” I explained which in turn caused her eyes to light up in realization.
“Oh… well, yeah you're kind of right with that too.” She agreed while turning her gaze to some of the nobles. Said nobles were just looking at some of the items and scoffing, before turning around to leave the store.
At least there is one thing that these money bags are good for; proving someone's point, and in this case making me money.
Hah, who knew that rich people can help you make money. Ironic, right?
This was my moment to ram it home. “Well, you see, we can’t even rely on the rich to help us keep our expenses in check. It’s smaller individuals like you that have the mindset and will to peruse our wares for very special occasions and keep our business afloat. So please, I implore you to help us keep going and continue to provide excellent quality to the masses.” I explained.
She, of course as planned, was giving my words some thought. This wasn’t enough though, as she still seemed rather hesitant. I could perhaps pull out my diabetes card but what would be the fun in that? Instead I kept my visage business-oriented as a thought quickly entered my mind.
For the first time I looked over at nameless Pegasus for some answers. “Hey uhm…” I began which got the mares attention, she seemed momentarily lost before understanding my meaning.
She perked up. “Oh, yeah I haven’t told you my name have I?” She realized which just made me roll my eyes. Granted, I haven’t told her my name either, but that’s just because I didn’t have a good reason to do so. Again, despite sporting a sexy librarian type of look, she was still of course “Stranger danger” situations. Even more so thanks to some of the hentais I and my my cousin watched.
It was like spying, while also spying what he was spying. Those bloody tsunderes.
She just sighed. “My name is Andrea Wind. Wind pronounced in germane, that is. A lot of ponies do love to pronounce it in equestrian, just for simplicity’s sake.” She introduced herself, which in turn just made me nod.
Business first, introductions later… if I remember to, that is.
“Anyway, Andrea Wind, does this store accept monthly payments when a certain individual doesn’t have the funds to pay for an item outright? Like, credit or something?” I questioned curiously, which in turn caused Andrea to think for a moment.
She eventually nodded. “Well, yes, we do offer a credit system in case a customer wishes to purchase something that is currently outside their budget. Though we never fully advertise it to anypony simply because of… well, I don’t know honestly.” She explained, which was all the information I needed.
I turned back to the still waiting mare with a smile. “Well, there you go, miss, you can still be able to purchase something for your coltfriend despite not having enough bits on you right now. What kind of an enchantment were you looking for?” I laid out, which again caused the mare in front of me to start thinking.
She rubbed her chin with a hoof. “Well…” She began. “Something that could help him multitask better at his work. He does work as a crafts pony back in Ponyville, which means that he constantly has a lot of tools floating around within his magic. Something that will help him get some better control would be perfect.” She explained which again was all the information I needed.
I turned my gaze to wanna be “Deutsches Pferd”. ”Quick, go fetch the enchanting that matches this kind lady’s description.” I ordered which in turn caused Andrea dela mhe to raise a brow.
“Why not go look for it yourself since you are taking charge of this customer?” She countered.
I just gave her a deadpan look. “Really…?” I respond while crossing my hooves.
She just looked at me strangely before realization swiftly slapped her in the face. She just sighed before trotting past me. “Fine, I’ll go get them off the shelf.” She responded which in turn just made me smile.
“Excuse my coworker, she can be a bit dense in the head when it comes to customers.” I kindly explained which in turn caused the mare in question to look over her shoulder.
“I freaking heard that.” She called out.
The mare in front of me looked somewhat amused by this, which is exactly what I wanted to portray here.
A happy customer is a good customer after all.
Andrea eventually returned, with a tray full of rings, or horn rings as they are called. She placed the tray gently onto the glass surface of the counter. The mare perked up at that as her eyes scanned over the assorted items.
“Oh dear Celestia, they are so beautiful.” She commented, which again made me nod in agreement.
“They are, aren’t they? Please feel free to browse and ask questions. Andrea over here will gladly answer any question you have regarding these wares.” I explained.
“I am?” She asked with a hint of confusion.
I looked up at her with a neutral look. “Yes you are. It is your job, isn’t it?” I countered.
She just sighed again before stepping closer to the counter where the mare was carefully browsing the accessories.
The mare eventually looked up with an obvious question glinting inside her eyes.
“These are all fantastic, but… I don’t know which rings does what in terms of enchantment. I am looking for something that can help my coltfriend multitask better at his job.” The mare questioned.
Andrea on the other end rubbed her chin as she seemed to think, or rather try to remember what each of these rings do.
I just shook my head. “Why not just write it all down or label them so you don’t have to keep it all in your noggin’? I am pretty sure a list is laying around here somewhere.” I thought to myself as she continued to collect her thoughts.
She eventually perked up… before falling off again. It seems that in the end she just didn’t know in the beginning.
“I think I do have a list lying around here somewhere.” She mostly told herself which in turn just made me tap my hoof against the counter impatiently.
“Well hurry up, then. Stop being so inefficient and go get them.” I added which in turn just made her groan.
“Alright, alright! Geez, just just give me a second here.” She responded before sticking her head in a cupboard behind her.
I just smiled back at the mare which in turn caused her to scratch her furry little noggin. Andrea eventually returned, a list held within her lips. She quickly began to scan through them before smiling.
“Ah, here we go.” She announced as she placed the list down on the counter. She focused back at the rings. ”Alright, these four rings here are perfect for your requirements, miss…?” Andrea asked before looking up at the still nameless mare in front of us.
The mare perked up at that. “Oh, yeah. It’s Sunflower, or just Sunny as my friends like to call me thanks to my matching mane and coat colors.” The now-known Sunflower answered, which in turn made Andrea smile.
“Nice to meet you then, Sunflower. I can certainly see why ponies would rather call you by that nickname. Those colors really ma…” Andrea started before I promptly interrupted her by perhaps the third set of ads that she has received in her face this day.
Call about “getting showered by commercials these days” with the way I have been introducing her to both Manehatten fashion and Trottingham watchmakers, you would assume that she is getting more ads thrown at her face that any modern television.
If I keep this up she might eventually buy something from either of these two companies, which is good. That’s what commercials are for after all. They will annoy you until you finally buy something from them and be marked as an idiot for doing so, just to get even more ads later on.
Everybody wants your money, and right now I want this sunny-colored mare’s money so that I can impress Andrea with my commercial-ling skills and forget about it later on.
I have completely different priorities after all, whatever they are. I let future Alex worry about that. I am sure he will be cursing past Alex for his negligence and overall forgetfulness.
Either way I gave her a hard glare after she recovered from the shock of getting another batch of paper thrown at her. She looked at me in annoyance which only increased mine.
“Less girl talk and more providing service. Go ahead, chop chop, we don’t have all day, and neither does she if I am guessing correctly. What the heck is my adoptive dad paying you for?” I instructed.
Andrea just huffed before looking back at the mare who was just continuously lost thanks to our antics.
Andrea sighed before re-engaging her smile. “Well… as this… colt over here stated these here…” She pointed at a couple of rings individually. ”… are enchanted with the “dual mind” enchantment, offering a gather deal of control for a unicorn's magic when worn, but only for utility skills, of course.” She explained.
Sunny nods as she again looked at the presented rings with a greater degree of interest. A golden one with a blue gem embedded in it especially caught her attention.
“Hey, this one has the same exact same coat color as my coltfriend. The shape and size also looks pretty perfect for his horn.” She pointed out.
This obviously made me smile as it pretty much means that I have managed to make a hit and sink at the same time.
I leaned myself right in front Andrea and took her position. “A very good choice there, miss Sunny! Not only is it a very beautiful and well-crafted peace but also…” I stole a sideways glance at Andrea’s list before looking back. ”…the cheapest of them all, funnily enough.” I announced which again caused her to perk up.
“Wait, it is?” She questioned, sounding genuinely surprised to that.
“Seriously? Let me see that.” Andrea suddenly pushed herself forward to look at the list herself. Her eyes immediately went wide as she saw the price. “Dear Celestia, I haven’t even realized that these have been on sale for quite a while. Something to do with them having been sitting on the shelves since before I got hired here.” She realized, which of course was all the funfair I needed.
“So, are you interested then? Do you wish to help finance our continuous production and get something for you lovable coltfriend in return?” I questioned, which in turn caused the mare to nod.
“Well, I guess, I don’t see why not. Might as well do something nice for my lovable Aqua Shine in return for all the nice gifts and moments we spent with one another. Oh, this shall just be perfect.” She announced happily.
I nodded before looking over at Andrea. “Well, you heard her. Write her up and pack her bag. We managed to finally make a sale while at the same time helping our a wonderful relationship blossom even further. You two can easily continue whatever conversation the two of you were about to start after you’re done.” I instructed.
Andrea, on the other hand, just seemed somewhat dumbstruck as she finally realized that a little five year old colt like me actually made a sale today. She eventually shook her head, before finally doing her job and helping the mare write up her purchase.
“All in a day’s work.” I said with a grin.
Who knew that actual business work could be so damn easy?
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
I climbed up the stairs to the second floor where I think Brass ran off to when he ditched Olivia and me. The front of the door leading to the stairs was one of those “Personnel only” type of doors which most timid-minded individuals would normally ignore. Not me of course, since I am practically the son of the owner. That, and pulling out one of the oldest tricks in the book to the poor ass security personnel who stood there.
The old “Look over there” type of trick which in turn allowed me to quickly sneak in and look the door behind me. How? With the help of a chair of course which was conveniently placed right next to the entrance.
Thank you, mister convenience, and thank you, pony society, for having one of those indoor lock switches you could turn.
I just grinned to myself as I continued to climb the stairs in the hopes of finding my adopted money bag and trying to convince him to go and get me a soda.
Because I am thirsty, simple as that.
“I am not asking for your approval, nephew. I am expecting it. Your initiative in trying to get something out of your… hornless daughter is commendable, but still a useless endeavor. Without a horn, she will never get far in today’s society.” I heard a distant voice say after I finally reached the top.
My ears perked up at that. ”I smell a noble.” I told myself as I began to look around.
The upper level was really just your basic collection of doors and short corridors, most likely offices and one or two janitor closets for two horny employees to do in.
I should go check those closets for any white marks, but I have other eggs to fry at the moment, like following that voice so I can look at it, and complain.
“Uncle, we have already been over this. I do not care what you uphold, but she is still my daughter. I already did what you asked of me, so just let me be a normal father to my otherwise normal daughter.” I heard the distinct voice of Brass shout back as I followed its source.
I kept close to the wall and slowly sneaked my way over to a slightly ajar door. Not a very easy task, given that I have hooves.
Normal feet would certainly do a much better job in Metal Gearing this shit, especially with the floors being made of hard, polished wood.
I eventually reached the narrow slit that separated me from whatever it was that’s happening in there and casually let my ears to most of the dirty work.
I could hear someone scoff. “You and your sentimental side. Instead of upholding decades of tradition… it is certainly infuriating, dear nephew. I have no clue what my younger brother has done to you, but it doesn’t matter anyway.” I heard the old snobbish dude say with a sight before he continued. “Either way, I would like for you to focus more on the ‘Development’ of that second grade unicorn of yours so that he can become a grade one unicorn worth of our family’s standards. That’s why I instructed you to adopt one in the first place. One straight mishap of your wife is enough for me. I already warned you that marrying into a middle class mare would lead to problems.” He continued to bash.
I could practically hear Brass frowning hard, given his sharp breathing and low growling. Those horsey ears are pretty great, I have to say, but I can’t get distracted now, given from what I heard so far from these two.
“So… I have only been adopted just for the sake of needing a unicorn to succeed after him?” I thought to myself with an understanding expression.
I always had a feeling that there was more to this, especially the added lies in the orphanage and the later discovery that they actually do have a child of their own.
Some real low-end conspiracy shit, for more selfish reasons rather than for something grander. A pretty normal behavior for a sapient being. If it is capable to be kind and selfless, then it’s also capable of being cruel and selfish.
Such is the price of being self-conscious, receiving madness… wait, that’s just me.
I blinked my eyes before focusing back at the conversation, and not a second to late which allowed me to “Dishonor” this shit even further.
Now I just need rat-summoning powers.
“Yes, yes I will, uncle, I will. Just… just stop watching from over my shoulder all the time. I am aware of our family’s traditions and name. Alexander will be molded into the nephew you and the rest so demand. That’s why I even agreed to go through with this, to adopt a unicorn so that I can keep you all happy back in Trottingham, and to keep shelling our family’s expertise here in the capitol. Nothing more and nothing less.” Brass answered, which in turn just gave me a sentimental slap in the face.
It was my turn to frown at this. “So… I am basically just a ticket for Brass to keep his place and status here? I am perfectly fine to see selfishness in individuals, heck even I am perfectly fine and aware that I am doing it too, but this…? This is some real low great stuff right here, especially when considering that I am just a simple 5 year old foal that probably just wants a family of his own. Using a young rascals from an orphanage as a tool? Now that is some grade A selfishness right there.” I thought to myself as the conversation within the office continued.
Like really, imagine that it would be Mystic Tune in his place. The poor lass would be devastated to hear this. Not for me, of course, I obviously still got a win-win regardless. All the cheese and future coffee that I can get… if I play nice for this overzealous none-relative of mine… which most likely will never happen because I don’t like him… already.
I was about to leave when I suddenly heard a set of hoofsteps coming towards the door I was hiding behind.
Gotta love those hooves, spies and paparazzis will have a real hard time sneaking up to me without me knowing… which sadly also goes for me because… I am a tiny talking horse too.
Either way, I knew what was coming. So I did the only thing I could do, which was fucking nothing. The door opened outwards towards me which in turn caused me to be automatically shielded by whoever it was on the other side. A strange way to mount a door backwards, but hey, I am not complaining. Certainly makes this whole metal gearing a whole lot easier for me.
Just need an eye patch and a fake cigar and I am all set. Because I still need my lungs for more shouting and bullshit rambling.
“Whatever, dear nephew, let’s just hope you make a wonderful job. I hate to personally travel back over here to once again lecture you about traditions and priorities. Long-flight carriages are such a drag, and nauseating. Not to mention that those Pegasi are just too incompetent to flight straight.” Mister posh uncle commented.
I, of course, stayed quiet while rubbing my sore nose from the kiss it received while carefully eyeing the shadow of these two peeking out from the door's edge.
I heard Brass sigh. “Yes uncle, you do not need to worry. I will stay true to my auntie’s wishes and keep this forward store running in the capitol while upholding further expectations. You won’t need to travel to Canterlot anymore, I promise.” Brass answered.
I could see one of the shadows nod. “Good to hear, then.” He responded before trotting past the door, giving me a good view of his backside and finally revealing himself to me as he trotted away. A somewhat-fat looking old stud with light gray mane and a very light brown coat, also with a very expensive looking suit clinging to his skin.
The posh old dude eventually reached the same set of stairs that I just came from, disappearing around them and leaving me and Brass alone standing in the corridor.
Well, mostly him, as he obviously had no idea that I am hidden behind his backwards-installed door.
He grumbled, before giving the door which was shielding me a few test pulls and pushes. Thankfully not far enough to hit me with it a couple of times.
“Still can’t believe that two local carpenters managed to install the new sets of doors all backwards. Need to contact them again and have them fix them all.” He mumbled before stepping past the door and closing it in front of him, basically revealing me in the process.
His eyes went wide in surprise as I sat there frowning up at him with crossed forehooves.
“A-Alex… what… what are you doing here?” He stuttered.
My frown just deepened. “Playing Metal Gear, what do you think?” I answered before getting back up on all fours and casually canting away from him.
I gave him one last look before descending down the same set of stairs I just came from. “Which you ruined, by the way. Now I have to start the mission all over again without having reached any designated checkpoints yet. Thanks for your help.” I sarcastically added before leaving his confused and still-surprised form still standing there.
I was actually serious. I was hoping to feel all sneaky and spy-like when he just had to ruin it by leaving the office. The nerves of some people.
A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 9: In the end, get a butt mark
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A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 10: The Never-ending search for Enteraiment
Chapter 10: The never-ending search for entertainment
Edited by Mr Salespony
“No, No, No, NO. This one is boring too so, NO.” I complained. Throwing more and more books over my shoulder which didn’t interest me, much to Olivia’s displeasure.
“Can you please top throwing all of these books around? I have brought you here so you can find something to entertain yourself with. Not to cause a ruckus.” She chided. Trying to catch all of the books I was throwing over my shoulder, and failing miserably.
Because I can obviously throw faster than she can catch. Also, she IS a terrible catch as well. Let’s add that reality check on the list shall we?
Either way, I kept my vandalism going as I replied. “Well it isn’t MY fault that this library of yours is actually filled with the largest collection of rip-offs and fan fictions I have ever seen. I mean look at this…” I pulled out a random book to show it to her.” The Masters of the Rings? That is just a rip off of “The lord of the rings” only ponified and poorly disguised with replacing “Lord” with “Masters”. For shame. Poor J.J.R Tolkien is rolling in his airtight claustrophobic grave right about now after I mentioned this piece of shit to the world. You ponies should all be ashamed.” I dramatically added, throwing this piece of copy-puss over my shoulder too, and causing the mare behind me to “eep” in surprise.
Must have almost hit her with it or something. But alas, I have much more important things to do then worry about that. Like finding myself some literal entertainment that doesn’t consist of either fanfiction, baby books, or fanfiction baby books.
Like this other rip off of Dora the explorer that I found. It even had boots still as a monkey on the front cover. Why this shit is turned into a children’s book, I don’t know. Especially considering the fact that most kids, if not all, for its designated age range can’t even read or write to save their lives.
Something that poor old Olivia over here was quite shocked to find out, when I told her, AND proved her that I could read and write myself.
Well not so much on writing part though. I obviously lack the five digits I need to properly pull off a written sentence, and trying to learn writing with my mouth is just…ehh.
“Ooh what is this? A book about adventures?” I announced, before perching up this new throw-able ammunition up to my eyes for closer inspection.
I arched an eyebrow when reading the title. “Daring do and the Temple of Tentacles? Looks like a really bad hentai fli…HEY I WAS READING THAT!” I shouted after the book was, disrespectfully pulled away from me.
Olivia frowned and shook her head. “ALL except THAT. This type of stories are NOT suitable for foals, No matter how mature you say you are.” She chided. Keeping the book away from me while I was trying to grab it.
Not an easy feat to do when only a foot tall and having dinky little arms as...well arms.
“Says the woman who is allowed to babysit foals while wearing the most skimpy looking French maid outfit I have ever seen. While also wearing a thong underneath that same skimpy little skirt of yours and shoving it constantly into my face. What are you, a pedo?” I countered, glaring up at the mare to challenge her.
She immediately blushed, darting her eyes side to side in surprised panic before her face quickly transitioned to many different expressions instead. Ranging from dumbfounded, insulted, regret, realization, anger, back to dumbfounded, before finally landing back to an expression as if someone just told her that she was fat or something.
“What the…no I…I am not a pedophile. What in equestria made you come up with that? And also…”She trailed off a bit. Her facial features once again taking a couple of different forms before eventually landing on confusion. She stayed like this for a couple of more moments before looking down on herself and observing her outfit.
She looked back at me, her ears flat against her skull and looking off to the side a bit.
“Well…maybe I do look somewhat…HEY, I TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT!” She shouted, realizing that I had somehow managed to take the book back from her and when she wasn’t looking.
“Give me that.” She announced before snatching the book away from me a second time and throwing it over her shoulder. Only for it to soar past a very surprise looking Brass as he entered the scene.
Even more surprised when he saw the rucked on the floor.
“Miss Olivia, what is the meaning of this?” He asked while looking at the mare in question.
“N-no, sir its…it’s not what it looks like I swear. I…I didn’t do all of this…he did.” She stuttered while pointing a naked hoof to my equally naked direction.
I just looked at her indifferently, casually looking back at a book that I randomly picked up. Arching an eyebrow at the frantic looking mare and saying absolutely nothing.
Brass raised his own eyebrows at this, looking at the mare accusingly which Olivia quickly managed to pick up.
She was about to say something again when Brass beat her too it. “Miss Olivia, as far as I know. You were the one who almost managed to hit me with one of the books which are scattered about on the floor, and as far as I see it, you seem to be the main culprit of this chaos, especially judging that some of the books of the upper shelves are scattered about as well. Places I am sure a foal like him can’t reach. Even with the ladder, which would just be too dangerous for him.” Calmly accused, again giving the mare a furrowed brows in the end.
Olivia on the other hand again just stuttered around, before finally sighing in defeated acceptance. “I will go clean this up right away sir.” She mumbled before doing just that.
I grinned, watching her mumbling to herself while picking up all of the books that I so unconventionally, threw over my shoulders. Doing the same with the random book I picked up. Though a little bit more subtle of course, as to not to divert Brass’ attention from her to me.
Unknown to him, I did climb up the ladder myself to retrieve these books on the upper shelves. Again, much to Olivia’s earlier protest. But he doesn’t need to know that, does he?
Either way, with my daily dose of trolling out of the way and with Olivia finally off my back for a substantial amount of time. I quickly re-grabbed the aforementioned “adventure book” and quietly scuttled myself away from the crime scene without much notice.
I am now genuinely curious as to what type of kinks these ponies are into. Given their mostly naked personality and their even more outrageous fashion choices. Mostly revolving around their tails, the only natural thing that keeps everyone safe from getting flashed.
Anyway, I have personally never read any books of such nature. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a peek now does it? And I am certainly NOT going to wait until my balls drop like how Olivia suggested.
Plus judging from the titled and the few illustration I have seen so far, this thing is mostly likely going to turn out to be rather corny in terms of trying to be “exciting”.
There’s only one way to find out after all, and that is to open up an actual book this time that is not made of electronics or a silicon screen.
Been a while since I had a papercut.
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“Well, this was certainly a bummer.” I say while tossing the book off of my bed.
“All substance and no real build up or resolution. Or at least not the type of resolution I have heard a million times before. This book was even just part one for Christ’s sake.” I complained, crossing my hooves and hitting my head against my pillow.
I should know, because one of the cousins I was living with had an extended history browser of watching all kinds of anime. Even the ones not meant for family friendly substance.
Guessing what his desktop password were was not too hard, judging by said history and poster on his wall.
Either way with that little trip of vague descriptive detail and allot of over- excessive drama. I was once again left with nothing better to do beside procrastinating on my bed and occasionally blow a string of hair, or rather mane of my furried face.
Because Pony head hair grows like human hair apparently. A biological annoyance which even proceeds from changing from a race of assholes…to another race of assholes. Because ponies don’t seem to clearly understand the very concepts of tails in the first place. Like that gardener down below my room’s balcony. Who is again, a mare and had her tail tied up in to a tight bun.
It’s not too hard to imagine what I was referring to. Especially considering that she is a mare as well.
There IS one point that I can give Olivia for. At least she has the incentive to actually wear “something” to compensate for her short tail.
Maybe I should lessen my trolling towards her because of that.
I grinned. Nah, her personality is just too perfect to not troll her. Such adorable levels of naïvity are just so adorable to witness. But then again, she does originally came from a pretty poor family far into the country. So at least her lack of foresight is somewhat explainable.
“What to do, what to do, take a poo.” I muttered to myself, feeling the thrill of both the previous trolling and the poor excuse of a hentai flic leaving my system.
Granted it wasn’t THAT bad, but still somewhat tame from where I am from. Plus, the illustrations where in black and white too, so that is a bummer as well.
“Need to make sure to toss this thing out the window or something. Can’t have this bastardized version of a tree laying around with Octy constantly busting through those doors and asking all kinds of things from me. Can’t have minors looking at softcore porn after all, that would be scary. Look at the son of one of my old home neighbors back home. The kid eventually developed noticeable biceps on his left arm, proving to the everyone that he was actually lefty and not a righty. Bullies these days can get really crafty with their craft. It’s a good thing that I have managed to barley miss all of these “innovative” thought process of the teens these days. Otherwise I would have surely lost “ALL” of my sanity at some point. Which could have been both a good thing or a bad thing, given to who you ask.” I mindlessly mumbled. Looking at the book and contemplating if I should actually toss this shit out now, or later.
My laziness knows no bound.
See, now that I have the time to just mindlessly mumble, think, or monologue as much as I want, I am going to take full advantage of it. Granted, most of my boring time is spent thinking, mumbling or just sleeping to kill of the time. But never have been generally doing so in such a consistent level as I am doing now.
I still can’t personally get over the fact that this place lacks both TVs and the internet at the same time. Two main sources of my previous entertainment, if I wasn’t to busy watering the plants, arguing with my neighbor, playing games, or going to the mall.
All of which where also things that I am missing too. Even the only decent job I ever had of simply watering the plants or trimming the bushes has been taken away from me. Which is now being done by a Gardener down below, with very little respect towards public decencies. I might actually just throw the book in front of her so that she can make much better use of it then I can. I might even call in quote on quote “sick” for a really long time, which in turn would force my adoptive father to get someone who is more…PG friendly and “natural”.
In fact…
I immediately perked up. Picking up the book from the edge of my bed and quickly making my way over to the balcony door and opening it. Once outside, I immediately spot the very culprit that I was thinking and mumbled about before.
Miss Green hoof, the most generic name possible in regards to her talent while also being a visual threat to poor little Octy. The little filly already has someone like Olivia to lounge around and she certainly doesn’t need someone else who is even more lewd with their fashion choices.
I shall guard her mental innocence, by getting rid of the physical offense down below. Or so is the plan at least. Man, I am REALLY starting to affect the careers of others, aren’t I?
Welp, sacrifices must be made in order to fulfill the needs of social evolution. Plus, I’m bored and still very much testing the waters on things that I can and cannot do in this voodoo hoodoo cartoon world.
Remember, still a quadrupled here.
I eventually just shrugged. “Eh, whatever. I am sure I will get my answer to that sooner or later. For now. I have a book to throw.” I declared, picking the book back up with my hoof, and grabbing the balcony railing with the other, I heft myself upwards. My head perfectly overlooking the fancy railing and the large garden below me. But more importantly, my victim as well.
I gave an evil grin, satisfied to know that she was still at large both in doing her job and flashing me with her posterior. A sight which no foal should normally be allowed to see, but alas, I am just a foal in body. Which is why a little R and R is going to be perfect for this mare with the need of the right material.
Softcore Tentacle porn material that is. Again, softcore for human standards, but probably fappable for these horses.
“Let’s see what kind of a reaction we can get out of this horse, shall we?” I told myself, grinning as I lined up the shot before throwing the book. The tome hit true, perfectly landing right next to the bent over mare with an audible thud and an even more immediate result.
The mare yelped, jumping away from the readable projectile, and looking down at it with wide, surprised eyes. I on the other hand ducked away, to prevent myself from getting spotted of course, and taking full advantage of the thigh gaps between the supports. Which, by the way, we're made of marble too, because why not.
Everything else here already reeks of both stolen taxes and profits made of overpriced jewelries. But alas, I am just getting myself distracted, which I obviously don’t want while conducting a very important social experiment.
Either way, I kept low. Watching the mare pick up the book with great confusion and curiosity.
“What is this?” I managed to hear her say, thanks to my enhanced pony ears and what not. She looked at the book on her hoof, turning it from side to side before finally turning it towards its front cover. Her curiosity immediately turned into shock when she realized what she was holding.
“Daring do and the Temple of the Tentacles? What is such a highly limited edition of a Daring Do novel doing here? Books like these are highly sought after by simple collectors and Daring Do fans alike. These things are worth a fortune and well known. Why would anypony throw THIS away?” I heard her say, which in turn, almost causing me to choke up under my own breath when she said that this “cock block” of a novel was actually worth something.
Like actual money, and allot of it. Lots and lots of it. Which I can personally use to get my own desired goods, and maybe a whole sack of coffee too. If anyone would EVEN let me. A piece of literated treasure, that I so naively threw away in front of a green hooved gardener.
Also, did I every mention that she was literally green as well? With pink colored mane and tail to boot? Yeah, those ponies really don’t make it hard now do they?
Either way, with the realization hitting me like a freight train, I did the only sensible thing that my greedy little mind could come up with. I glared at her, climbing up onto the railing fully and positioning myself towards my target.
Watching her smile to herself and eventually stashing the book down into her saddlebacks. Looking from side to side to make sure that nobody was seeing her.
I immediately pointing a hoof at her and shouting. “Hey, that piece of a golden turd is mine. I found it first. Give me my dough or suffer the consequences, lady!” I challenged and pretty much getting the mare attention almost immediately.
She looked up with a raise eyebrow. “Your book? As far as I know, according to the old country rule of “Finders keepers”, I found it next. So that makes me the new rightful owner of this book. And besides…” She trailed off a bit. ” You seemed to be WAY too young to be owning such a piece of literature in the first place. So, I would actually be doing your parents a favor bey keeping this away from you. Today's youth is tainted by too many comics books and tabletop games anyway. Let’s not add eroticas to the mix too.” She answered, turning herself away and attempting to resume her work.
I on the other hand, was grinding my teeth. Ready to jump down and claim what I originally took when nobody was looking. Which is exactly what I did. Jumping down from the second-floor balcony and directly towards the oblivious garden mare down below. Cushioning my fall with her own plump body and knocking the ever-living wind out of her in the process.
She collapses, hitting the ground with a very audible thud and a “Oof” coming from her mouth. I didn’t rest though, as I soon commenced the actual attack of this offense. By grabbing her mane with both my teeth and hooves, and pulled hard.
“MINE, MINE, MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE. IT'S MINE.” I chanted with a mouth full of hair, pulling on her main both with my hooves and my freshly brushed teeth.
I may be rowdy, but at least I’m a clean rowdy. Even acts on assault can be done with class.
At the end of the scuffled though. I eventually managed to get back what was rightfully mine in regards to the Philippine gangster rules.
If someone takes what you stole first, then go steal it back with double the force and double the effort. Or maybe I am just making shit up.
But alas the constant pulling and rodeo riding on her back eventually lead her to capitulate. Giving me back my book while laying on the freshly cut grass exhausted.
I grinned, holding the book up high on my hoof before marching off with my head held high and my generosity low. Because the money is mine and I have stole it first. Just need to somehow find a way to cash it in so that I can start spending it all.
The age of not being able to reach the upper levels of the fridge and kitchen cabinets where truly all of the good shit is. Including my cheese. Are finally going to be over. Just need to find myself back inside and then think about my next strategy later.
If I can find myself the way back inside that is.
What is it with rich people and adding a shit ton of hedge mazes to decorate their homes with? Ridiculous, at least give the wanna be burglars a chance of breaking into your oversized shit, and lighten your purse a little.
Such selfish people, even my own adoptive parents.
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“Pfff…for fuck sake. Stupid mazes and what not.” I mumbled, as I re-entered my room with a frown plastered all over my furried face.
It may not have taken as long as I originally thought It would be, but it certainly still took way too much time for it to be considered comfortable.
Like 15 minutes level of the uncomfortability of constantly hitting dead ends and having to trek back and try out different paths instead. Rinse and repeat. That is until I eventually had “Die schnauze voll” and simply crawled myself under the foliage that the organic labyrinth walls were made off. If I had done that at the beginning, then I would have saved myself a lot of time and clip clops.
Though such a drastic approach had its price.
Basically, now being nothing more than a Dirt ridden, fur raffled, sticks, leaves and branches hanging every, type of mess. If I wouldn’t know any better, then I would say that a bath would certainly be a good option now in terms of entertaining myself.
Which is good, because I quite like taking baths in this home. The baths here -even mine- are just as an overkill as the rest of the mansion. Granted, they weren’t exactly very large, but they did share a lot of similarities with the rest of this estate when it comes to expenses. Being just as “exotically” decorated as the rest.
Marble, gold trimming, Ivory, you get the idea.
Either way, besides that, the real fun of taking a bath really comes to the jacuzzi sized bathtub that I have, or should I say a small private pool. Giving me, and “certainly me”, a lot of space to just chill out and enjoy the heated water and the over-excessive use of bathing soap. Bubbles, bubbles everywhere and almost quite literally. Not to mention the addition of scented candles, which are always kept stocked within the bathrooms drawers.
Taken a bath certainly has never felt so Zen before. Certainly, never with that tiny piece of shit bathtub that I used to have back home. That, and we mostly preferred using of the dedicated showers instead of the tub itself. But alas, the past is the past and the present is certainly a lot more exciting…and procrastination inducing.
I just smiled, thinking on the many hours I could ruin my fur covered skin while indulging myself with scented candles. I even managed to once skip through lunch because of that. Which made me both angry, and happy at the same time.
Hapgry I guess would be the term.
“First need to get rid of this book and store it safely somewhere where nobody, especially octy, cannot…”I tried to say, before the doors leading into my room abrupted me. Allowing a very disgruntled looking hector to trot into the room.
Yeah, I forgot to mention that he might actually be one of the main reasons as to why burglars have never bothered to bust themselves into this estate in the first place. He may be your typical English butler, but pony names were far more than just name similar to cutie marks or whatever that hippy shit is called again. Acting also has an extension of their actual character as far as I know.
Hector here can be a real beast when push comes to shove. Which he certainly proved during the last time when Octy and I were escorted off to kindergarten by him instead of Camellia.
That poor carriage driver never stood a chance when he bumped into ours and proclaimed that it was our fault and not his. Well, that is until Hector himself stepped into the fray made it VERY clear to him that it was, in fact, his fault and not ours. Never have I ever seen someone’s sense of self-esteem deteriorate so quickly.
“I thought I was seeing things, but the obvious dirt tracks you left behind, and the fact that you also look the part very much prove me otherwise. Not sure what you did outside to become so messy, but one thing is certain. This cannot stand, especially in this household in which I am tasked to look after for. Time for a bath, and no buts and ways.” He commandingly stated, giving me a look that told me that he meant what he said.
I quickly tried to hide the book behind me. A move that was quickly found out to be useless as he wasn’t really focusing on the book I was trying to hide. He instead just used his voodoo hoodoo to grab me, before carrying me towards the direction of the were the bathroom is.
I raised eyebrow. “What kind of buts and ways? When have I ever complained in regards to taking a bath?” I countered while clinging onto the book.
Front cover facing away from him of course.
He stopped for just a second, before resuming his trot. “Oh, well yes of course. Force of habit I guess. Most foals would normally be against the idea of taking a bath, same with Miss Octavia. But you…”He gave me a curious look.”…Sir Alex is certainly FAR from being your average, run in the mill foal. Nothing against that of course.” He responded, fixing her gaze back forwards while opening the bathroom door with his hoof.
I smiled. “Well that is certainly still a debate for some individuals. But it is true, I am FAR outside the definitions of normality. Makes me look a lot more…”unique” when compared to the others.” I answered before he finally sets me back down, knowing full well that I won’t try to run away because…I like those baths.
He just went over to the previously mentioned jacuzzi of a bathtub and began fiddling with the valves with his voodoo hoodoo, which in turn, caused steaming water to exit from one of its outlets.
Yes, they were outlets, not your traditional faucets, just outlets. Nicely carved and golden trimmed holes in the wall with valves above them. Not complaining of course. At least it makes the whole wall look a little bit more cleaner to look at.
Eventually, he turned around. “Alright, a few more minutes and your bath should be ready. Would you like the same set of bathing soap and scented candles?” He professionally asked, in his superb British accent no less which I could easily listen to all day.
Did I ever mention that I am a sucker for accents?
It worked, because all he did was rolled his eyes and smiled. He is one of the only cool horses so far. Someone who has no problem of going along with my antics. Granted he still get confused just like anyone else, but he chucks it up pretty well, which I should both give him respect…and a challenging expression for.
Because I prefer my audience to be a lot more like Olivia and a lot less like Hector.
He eventually stepped to the side. “Anyways, my lord…” He added that with a bow. ”The bath is ready for you. Also remember to scrub your cutie mark as well as it is just as badly ruffled as the rest of your young master posterior. Don’t want you to miss about the opportunity to brag about your early cutie mark towards the other foals and even adults, now would you?” He commented, raising from his bow.
I just raspberry. “As if, I am certainly not as family offensive as some of the ponies out there in the streets. So, no, I am totally fine about not shoving my ass at everyone’s face. Mostly because I cannot reach that high up with my ass anyway without using the likes of chairs or tables. But the day shall come, mark my words.” I responded. Climbing into the bath and simply allowing myself to drop directly into the water and causing a small, but still respectable splash in the end.
Respectable enough for Hector’s suit to get hit, and for him to pull out a handkerchief, (or is it hoofkerchief?) out of nowhere and drying the spot off.
He then raised and eyebrow after I re-emerged from the water. “Huh…how come that there are so many bubbles forming on the surface of the water already? I haven’t even added the bathing soap yet.” He questioned, looking at me and the bottle of soap next to the bath itself questionably.
I smiled. “Well that’s easy. I farted.” I casually replied as more and more bubbles where collecting on the surface around me.
His face twisted with disgust, before bringing his handkerchief up to his snout. “I will just pour in the bathing soap then, and eliminate the stench that way. Your bowels really are a mystery sometimes, Sir Alex.” He commented.
I just grin, letting lose another set of impulses which in turn created more bubbles.
“Well, at least the water now feels even more warmer than it did before. So at least there is one positive to this.” I thought to myself.
I guess eating a lot of cheese will do that to you. But I have always treated it more as an asset rather than an annoyance. The amount of times where I was able to get some free extra seats around me is certainly a plus.
More space for me to slouch around.
Author's Note
Just a little filler chapter focusing on Alexanders daily exploits for shenanigans and trolling.
If you want more of those I could reply, by doing more of them.
Also here is his cutie mark, very basic, but still speaks volume about his character.
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A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 12: A Lessons about butt marks…how lewd
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A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 1: Multiverse Theory confirmed in the form of Rat Poison
A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 1: Multiverse Theory confirmed in the form of Rat Poison
Proofread by: Fistfire
*Beep
*Beep
*Beep
*Beep
My bloodshot eyes opened at the sound of that annoying alarm clock next to me. Why bloodshot? Well I can openly tell you.
“Once more, another sleepless night. And all I did was drink 2 cups of coffee while watching a late-night movie. Maybe I should stop doing that.” I muttered as the infernal contraption next to me continued the onslaught of eardrum murder.
I groaned while rubbing my sore and heavy eyes. “Bloody thing even started beeping even though I haven’t set it.” I thought to myself.
Then again, it is one of those new smart clocks. More like sadistic clocks, already causing an early morning ruckus even though I haven’t slept for a single second. Spent most of my night just rolling around and staring up at the ceiling.
A ceiling I know very well thanks to my last night date with it.
I would give it a name but my sleep deprived brain is momentarily unable to do so.
Checking the time and moving my gaze over to the window next to me to see a couple of morning rays penetrating the Schalusie, I made the slow, but steady mental decision to get out of bed and start another normal day.
A day that would certainly BE normal thanks to my tired state. I mean I am already lazy as it is but this just turns me into a sack of unused wet potatoes.
With a grunt I forced myself out of my night trap and stood up, deciding that today I am going to be taking a bath instead of a shower just because I feel like it.
Plus it would give me an excuse to lay down and not stand for ten minutes. Not to mention having to duck when trying to scrub my legs.
“I need coffee.” I automatically muttered while scratching my ass.
First things first, I left my room and stumbled over to the bathroom right next door to prepare everything. Squinting my eyes to find the proper soap bottles and trying to feel for the faucets. I then realized that I forgot my glasses back at my nightstand.
See what a sleep deprived brain can do for you. I can’t even find anything to make jokes about it.
With all that said and done I wobbled myself out of the white room and back into my room to grab my eyesight. I decided to let the water run a bit on it’s own while doing other things.
Deciding that this is the perfect moment to get some coffee I dragged myself passed the living room and into the kitchen. It seems like that one of my cousins has already brewed some hot water before leaving for work which was quite convenient. Why was it convenient? Well that just means I don’t have to duck in order to get the kettle out of the cupboard below the counter. Win, win for me in my book, and that means I can get my morning brew faster which is also a plus.
I am lazy ok so don’t judge me Even if I am not being lazy, I am taking most of my time being at the mall or procrastinating like a king…which basically is another form of laziness to be honest.
Fumbling through the cupboard above and grabbing my mug, I poured all the ingredients into it before taking the thermos and pouring some hot water in it.
I took a slow sip of it and smacking my lips in a judgmental matter, with expression to boot. “Hmmm…needs more sugar.” I muttered before grabbing the can of sugar and stealing a spoon full from it. I immediately took another test sip, only for my eyebrows to rise as the taste was something I wasn’t expecting. It was actually quite bitter.
“Eeeehhh…what the fuck is that, that is not sugar.” I gagged and coughed.
I quickly grabbed the sugar can the moment I could to see if what I took really was actually sugar only for me to realize that it was, in fact, not a can of sugar but a full blown can of Rat poison.
What is a Can of Rat poison doing on a kitchen counter you may ask? Well simple, just yesterday me and my cousins had finally decided to take the fight to these blasted vermin who have been always making a ruckus in the kitchen in the middle of the night when we were all hitting the hay. The plan was to simply disperse some Rat poison into the empty cupboards below where we suspected their brood was hiding in.
Long story short we did just that and one of my VERY responsible relatives had completely forgot to stow away the deadly can of chemical death in a much more appropriate location instead of leaving it on the counter.
A mistake I had walked right into.
Somehow in my still sleep deprived and tired state I managed to mistake the can of rat poison for the can of sugar. I blame the two companies for having an almost identical color scheme on their design, but I guess another part is for my unfocused sight. Again sleep deprivation can really mess up your focus.
“Well shiiiiiiiit….” I cursed as my vision steadily began to swim.
This stuff was quick, like seriously quick I didn’t even have the time to put my mug down before everything around me began to get swirly. So this is how it feels to get drunk then? Honestly, I wished that my first experience on a rollercoaster would have been actual alcohol and not fucking rat poison. Either way, I was going to die. But hey at least I finally got my previous wish of trying to get a much more interesting morning instead of the ‘same old, same old’.
“Shiiiiit….I left…the faucet on…in the bathroom.” Were the last thoughts running through my head before I lost all control of my senses as the world around me turned dark.
See kids, sleep deprivation can get you killed so always listen to your parents when there say. “Get your fucking annoying asses to bed.”
Obviously, in the end I didn’t die somehow. Otherwise I wouldn’t still be talking afterwards. But still the afterlife I went to was certainly not something I was expecting, and I was honestly expecting a whole lot of fucking things before that point.
But this? This would even make good old Sheogorath scratch his beard for just a moment.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Well what are we going to do about her now sweetie?” A concerned mare asked as she looked over at the door where her young daughter’s room is.
“I do not know, but I think we should just sleep this out for now. I know that some of my relatives are…well puffed up flankholes in a lack of a better term. But she is our daughter no matter what she is.” A stallion this time explained.
She just sighs, the lengthy exchange from earlier still fresh in her mind. Even more so the words of some rather narrow minded ponies as well. She looks up at him eventually and nods to his statement. “I know, though that still doesn’t excuse the fact that no matter what, she will have a difficult time ahead of her.” She admitted before looking over at the door again.
The stallion just kept his pose as he casually gazed over at the door as well, sighing internally. “I know, which is why we shall try to make this as easy for her as possible or so Celestia curse me. I do not care what the other nobles say or what even my uncle says. I do not care that she is an earth pony. She is our little daughter and that is that.” He finalized as he gazed at the door with full determination.
Hard and high expectations will be ahead for her, though maybe not so much in due time.
Author's Note
Here is the beginning of a brand new spinoff fic of Alexander Becker, the mortal version of Sheogorath...kind off.
Will his antics and sense of procrastination be to much for the ponies of Canterlot, or will his crave for all kinds of caffeine and cheese bases product bankrupt those who produce them?
Lets find out...well you find out, I already know the story.
Also I know that there was at least another guy who took the time to take a look at this chapter besides Fistfire. So if it is you please tell everyone in the comments bellow. I forgot who it was and my PM box is a mess.
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A Canterlot for a Unicorn
Chapter 11: No more filler chapter, or at least that's the plan
Author's Note
Hello, just want to point out that I have released a new story of mine. With the same main character of this story, though only again withing a different setting and theme.
You can fine it HERE .
Also consider looking into my Patreon if you want to help me out a bit.
Chapter 11: No more filler chapter, or at least that's the plan
Chapter 11: No more filler chapters, or at least that’s the plan
Edited by Mr Salespony
“So, what exactly does your cutie mark mean?” Octavia asked, for the upteenth time ever since she woke up, and to an extent, woke me up as well by barging into my room and bouncing on the bed.
No really, she literally bounced on my bed right next to me while I was still busy curled up, half asleep.
With her around, who really needs a Wakemaster or the fucking sun anymore? She does the exact same thing, only better and a lot more infuriating with her methods. But then again, I can’t really stay too mad at such a level of enthusiasm. Mostly when she is around ME.
Which is a fine sacrifice I guess, especially when you consider how much LESS enthusiastic she usually is when she is just running around with her mom somewhere. Which is almost every day for most of the day, or at least that is what Camelia told me when I actually bothered to ask her this morning. With me being generally better ‘behaved’ when she is walking around with her mother somewhere.
Which is rather cute to know I guess, but certainly not the best idea of staying attached to me for almost everything.
I have to admit, I was never really considered to be the best role model for young children, especially towards my younger cousins. Plus, there are also my own personal, self-inflicted quests that I sometimes partake in. Like with the lewd, grass green Gardner mare two days ago.
Such adventures are not meant for small little fillies. Especially those who are actual fillies and not just some previous grownup that got nerfed to be stuck inside a child’s body.
Now THAT is a lewd thought for you, and shame to all of you for thinking those thoughts. Get you filthy little minds out of the gutters. I just cleaned them yesterday…which I would have said if I was actually still back in my world, where I sometimes did actually clean out the gutters for my cousins. Because, nobody fucking else was going to do it, but me.
Mostly because I was the only one stuck in the house for 23/7 while the rest of the brood was out for work during the weekdays.
Work…the bane of civilization and everyone with any sense of self-inflicted comfortability and laziness.
Where was I? Ah yes, Octy was still here sitting next to me while poking my muscles. Why? Because she is lew…well no, mostly because of that care bear rip off on my ass.
Everybody has it, and shockingly enough, even Olivia. And no, it had nothing to do with anything lewd or sexual like how some of these horse hookers do within the local brothel that we curiously passed by on our way to the city park. It was actually quite disappointing…and kind of predictable to say the least.
It was just a simple olive branch with a couple of olives hanging from it. Yeah, I know, shocking. Olivia, an olive green mare with actual olives on her rump, who would have guessed?
Either way, I shooed her offending hoof away while continuing my walk through the city park. Not alone of course, as missus MOM was actually chilling on a nearby bench somewhere, chatting it up with another chic next to her that I don’t know.
I shrugged. “I already told you. I don’t know. It’s just a trio of expressions depicted with the style of three theater masks. With one at the center actually being new and depicting your typical angry anime expression that most animes like to use. Which is kind of interesting, if I have to be honest. Even though I was never really that big on anime to begin with.” I answered.
I looked around at all the stuff the park had to offer, a fountain, a couple of statues of some other horse, and the large pond off into the distance. Most likely filled with ducks or geese, or whatever other things that floats like a boat.
Like crocodiles for example. Though I doubt they would even allow such animals to be roaming around with in a public park. And a park constantly filled with free meat of all ages and sizes, no less. Dark and inappropriate humor, everybody has it, and everybody expresses it in their own way.
But besides that, Octy just frowned. “But…but you should at least know what your cutie mark represents. Everypony does, even if they didn’t know what their cutie mark will be at the end. Or at least that’s what mom told me.” She responded, rubbing her chin thoughtfully like how all the horses do with their body language.
“Well then, your mother is an idiot.” Was what my trollish side wanted to say, but obviously didn’t.
Again, I just shrugged. “Well whatever, not my field of interest. Even more so when it is plastered on my lower region. The worst place to slap a tattoo in my opinion.” I replied again, stopping in front of one of those statue thingies and giving it the good old criticism, like those uneducated or talented individuals usually like to give.
“Hmm, could use some more ‘details’ in certain places.” I mumbled, looking particularly at the crotch area of this pony.
Octy just gave me a tilted look. ”Huh? What kind of details?” She asked, acting on her natural curiosity.
I shook my head. “Never mind, you are too young to know that.” I answered before turning away from this half assed work.
She of course, quickly followed me as I made the pond to be my next destination of thing to look REALLY close at.
“Kids, don’t stray away too far please. Just stay at the park’s pond area where I can still see you two.” Camellia suddenly called out.
“Yes mom, don’t worry.” Octy called back before turning back towards me as she followed me.
She again, gave me a confused look, though this time mixed with a little bit of shock as well. ”How come you don’t care what your cutie mark means? Everypony cares about what their cutie marks means, because it’s a mark which shows the world in what you are truly special in. Or at least, that is what mom once told me.” She once again commented. Digging deeper and deeper into this cute tattoo subject way more than it really needs to be.
Again, kids, no matter what dimension you are in, they are always the same. Until you need to grab a rope and pull them out from the hole that they like to dug themselves into.
“Well, remember the little secret that I shared with you in the beginning that I am really not a foal but an alien from another realm of existence entirely?” It was my time to ask, giving her a look after we stopped in front of the now known to be a duck pond.
She nods. ”Well…yeah, but I have always assumed that your kind might have cutie marks too. Something to tell others what you are special in.” She responded, or rather guessed while rubbing her chin once more.
I just scoffed. “Pfff no, I mean if my kind really was operating under the same rules as these butt tattoos, then making porn would have been a very big industry if someone really needed to be born to do porn. The level of social depression this would create could be staggering. Nothing to fap to and nothing to make you momentary forget in just how much of a loser you truly are with the chicks…or the dudes if you are a girl. “I commented, again enticing both Octy’s curiosity and confusion at the same time.
“What is porn?” She innocently asked as she stood in front of the duck pond.
I smiled. “Something which you are way too young to know, Octy. Ask me again when you finally hit puberty and see colts in a completely different light, or fillies if you are developing into that.” I answered, keeping my gaze fixed forward on the ducks in the pond.
She just puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. “You always keep saying that. You know that I am not really that young as you make me out to be. I am already a big filly.” She argued, pointing a hoof at herself and holding her head high to try and prove her point.
I just rolled my eyes with a grin. “Sure, sure you are, can’t even pronounce most of the BIG words that I use sometimes. Not to mention that you are still making a mess in your bed once in a while according to both Hector and Olivia.” I countered, giving her a big stupid grin to add further salt to the now open wound.
She blushed. “Wha-what? No-no I…I don’t do that…uh…whatever both Mister Hector and Miss Olivia are telling you are lies, just…stupid little lies to under…undermen…uh…undermine me, yes undermine me. I have never wet the bed, at least not for a really long time.” She stuttered, looking off to the side and basically betraying herself with her disastrous attempt in getting a lie across her point.
“Sure, whatever you say, princess.” I casually responded, before picking up a rock with my hoof and throwing it into the pond. Causing several ducks nearby to scatter in a frantic frenzy.
“Hehe. No wonder Bart likes to be such a dick to animals sometimes.” I mindlessly chuckled before picking up another rock and throwing it too. Causing yet another big splash and more ducks quacking in panic.
“You know, that isn’t very nice.” Octy commented while giving me a sideways glance.
“So, neither are ducks. I still have a couple of steaks to fry with them for what they once did back home. Those little garden hating bastards.” I threatened. Narrowing my gaze on those little vermin’s before picking up another rock.
Granted, those ducks that shat all over my tulips where just wild ducks flying over my house while migrating south. But ducks are still ducks no matter if they are domesticated or wild. They were all part of the same family and therefore sinful of the same mistakes the other group did.
They certainly contributed in making my job as a household gardener a lot more difficult during winter months, thanks to their need for defecations.
They even ruined my old scooter that used to always be parked right outside the gates of our property. Those handles were forever ruined, no amount of acid or bleach could fix them. In the end, I had to go buy brand new covers for them out of MY own pockets.
Nothing makes me more grimy than paying out of my own limited pockets…unless its food, drinks, or both.
Can’t never say no to a good glass of ice tea, or a cup of coffee. Not to mention cheese or anything related to chocolate.
Trying to keep a balanced figure of ass. Just give me what I want and we can both walk away with all four limbs and vocal cords still intact.
Either way, I shook my head and got myself back to reality. Mostly just to prevent myself from thinking about food too much. I still haven’t managed to sell that wonder book that I managed to repossess from the most unoriginal looking mare possible.
Plus, Octy was staring at me again, reminiscent to the fact that I had once again spaced out. My old psychiatrist used to call it a symptom, but I just personally like to see it as a nifty way to escape the boredoms of reality. Because I somehow managed to run low on stones already, despite of having just throw three into the pond.
Stupid park staff and their over-excessive vigilance of keeping this space clean. Its killing the mood of stone flinging maniacs like me.
“Oh hey, look at all of those foals over there.” Octy suddenly pointed out at the other side of the pond.
I followed where her dirty little hoof pointed and immediately saw to what her attention was drawn too. A large flock of foals, of all possible colors, races, and genders that you can think of.
Well, only two genders, but no one have said that futas aren’t a thing in this voodoo hoodoo world. Plus, the additions of Brothels and little miss Olivia pretty much displays in how…dirty this world can really be. Maybe even dirtier than mine, if all the strange fashion choices and constant neglect for clothing are anything to go by.
Yeah, I should probably stop talking so much about sex and porn for a while, and start to focus more on the scene in front of me. Particularly at the one individual who was leading this band of munchkins.
“Hey look, it’s lady Deep Care from the “Klapsmühle” I used to live in.“ I pointed out. Looking over at the aforementioned pedophile and slave driver of children.
It was at this time, that it was Octy’s turn to follow my gaze and look at what I was seeing. “Oh, so that is Miss Deep care then from the same orphanage that mom and dad adopted you from, yes? She seems like a pretty nice lady when she is taking care of so many foals.” She mindlessly commented with a smile.
“Well, not until you learn that she does indoor schooling too.” I thought to myself, while looking at the gang.
But one foal in particular was really giving me a sense of déjà vu. A foal who I should know, as he was the first and only one I could generally stand in that sugar rush of an estate.
“Seems that Mystic Tune is still calling the orphanage his home. Too bad, the guy is one of the few who actually deserves a better and taller fridge to raid from.” I casually commented, cranking my head a little bit to the side to spot him better behind a distant bush which was obscuring my view of him.
Octy tilted her head. “Mystic who?”
“Eh, just a wonderrous little foal I know from the orphanage. Someone that I am sure you would like, as the two of you kinda share a lot of similarities in terms of character traits and quirks. In fact…” I said, before trotting closer to the band.
“Hey where are you going?” Octy called out as she only followed me with her eyes.
“Well, closer to these foals obviously. Just want to see if some of the foals from the good old days are still orphans besides just Mystic. It has been about half a year since then.” I called back, keeping my attention fixed on getting my furried ass over there while dodging the occasional grown up or pet dogs along the road.
Horses having pets, now that is something to scratch your head for.
“Alright, just remember to keep within the vicinity of either me or the other caretakers. We obviously don’t want any of you to suddenly get lost, or even worst, forgotten when we eventually make our way back the orphanage?” I could hear the every so memorable voice of Deep Care say. Mostly because of the fact that her voice was the most prominent that I had to listen to for the first couple of weeks every since I was drafted into the orphanage. And mostly revolving around attempted lectures or chidings for many of my shenanigans that I have done.
A third of them actually being Thera related, but I am not going to get into those details for now. Especially when I quickly spotted the aforementioned filly and her two goons still being part of the pact. Not surprising giving her dominatrix like attitude and her incentives to lie and trick her way up to the top and out of trouble or chores for the sake of not having to go through them the normal way.
At least there is one thing that we both have in common then. Especially for the chores part.
Trouble is something I find myself in rarely, because I am just to good of a troll to get caught …or just too lazy to be bothered.
“Yes, miss Deep care.” The entire mass of children droned. Giving Deep Care and some of her ‘helpers’ a satisfying smile and nod in return.
“Well then, in that case, go ahead and have fun. And remember we will be returning back home when the sun crosses over the largest tower of the royal castle over there. So just keep that in mind. Now again, have fun, and do remember to stay within the vicinity of the park. Keep close and all will be fine.” She announced, before the whole gang of colours were finally giving their freedom to vandalize this prestige looking establishment within their leisure.
Those poor park workers and managers.
Either way, some foals (in particularly, two certain colts and one zealous little filly) didn’t waste any more time in transforming my predictions to reality. Picking up some nearby resting rocks from the ground and flinging those acorn sized pebbles at the same ducks that I just harassed. Though unlike me, both Thera and her gangbang were actively trying to hit the ducks themselves instead of just splashing them with water. Which, was of course, totally missed or ignored by any of those so called ‘helpers’ that Deep Care hired. Even she seemed to be oblivious on the more sociopathic behaviors some of her brood seemed to be indulging themselves with.
Well, calling them out for their behavior would obviously defeat the purpose of trying to stay anonymous behind a bench in the first place.
Metal gear folks, a game which revolves around a big robot mech, while spending most of the game trying to be stealthy. How stealth and robot mechs come together is beyond me. But hey, japan was never really known to be subtle. So why start with games?
“Alex?” Someone suddenly called me out, which in turn, pulled me out of my thought.
I turned my head, only to be met with a very surprised looking Mystic tune standing right next to me. Not sure how he managed to find me so easily. But then again, it doesn’t matter.
I made myself look confused. “Alex? Who? Who is this Alex? And who exactly are you? Mother has always told me to be wary around strangers. That Includes foals.” I responded, twisting my voice, trying to make myself look as foreign to him as possible.
This seems to did little besides confusing him for just a moment and making him raise his eyebrow. I never really expected for him to actually fall for that to be honest. But hey, it was worth a try. Plus, I would have told him the truth anyway if I did somehow work …because, why not.
He eventually chuckled. “No, no, I know for a fact that it is you. I remember that ‘fake bri…British voice’ …was it?” He wondered, in which I just nod. ”Well yes, I remember that fake British voice you always did for jokes when talking to the other foals. Just like the same way you did just now. Pretending to being somepony else.” He stated, keeping his smile and getting more and more excited with each word.
And before I knew it, I was quickly and suddenly embraced by this overactive furball and a newfound retro lover. Or so I think, if he still remembers the times when he listens to songs whenever I allowed him to borrow both my tablet and my earbuds while I was out of the house or doing my usual shenanigans to everyone around me.
Primarily to Deep Care and any other grownups working at the family friendly asylum.
But either way, the sudden violations to my rights of personal space thankfully didn’t last that long. I soon found myself released from his grasps while he keeps a huge grin on his face.
Normally, I would take this as an act of gayness towards me, but knowing full well in how ‘touchy’ these ponies can be, allowed me to just let it slide as he is just generally being a fucking pony.
The sacrifices I have to make to keep these sapient equines happy.
“Oh dear Celestia, this is so cool. I never thought that I would see you again so soon, and certainly not out at a public park of all places.” He stated, which in turn caused me to raise an eyebrow this time.
“Huh? Why not in a public park? Aren’t public parks meant to be…well…for the public? Which would mean that there might be a much greater chance for two lost individuals to eventually find each other in one of these public places? So why this logic?” I questioned, which in turn caused him to rub his chin in thought.
“Well, didn’t you particularly said that you are not very fond of ‘going outside’ for most of the time? Which you showed by staying in our room for most of the day and not really interacting with any of the foals besides being approached by them? Because of that, I just simply thought that finding you in a public park would be a lot harder when compared to most other individuals.” He answered, quite cleverly in fact, which was certainly a bit of a surprise on my part.
He is certainly one of the more clever foals out of the orphanage. Or rather was, if someone else managed to snatch up that title for themselves during the time I was pissing off Hector, or Olivia respectively.
It's just so hard to act outside of your already established character, you know?
Either way, I just shrugged. “Well, now you found me, I guess. Now comes to the question as to how will you take advantage of this situation. What shall you do now?” I philosophically questioned. Sitting down on my haunches and mimicking the famous pose of a thinking Greek philosopher.
He just scratched his head. “I don’t know, maybe tell me how life is going with your new foster family and talk about how my life has been going on back at the orphanage?” He more or less guess.
I just hummed, until an idea suddenly popped up inside my head. “Oh yeah, wait. Octy face.” I mindlessly exclaimed, again much to mystic’s confusion.
“Octy? Who is octy? You mean that gray filly who has been watching us this entire time?” He asked, pointing his hoof past behind me.
I followed his gesture. It was indeed octy, standing right next to a tree close to the pond, while giving me and mystic a very curious but also cautions look. Mostly towards mystic, because…obviously.
I smiled. “Oh yeah, that’s her. The little gray girl. Also, before you are ask, she IS the true daughter of my foster parents in case you are wondering.” I answered, just for the sake of getting to things straight right away.
But then again, these are all just barely six year old foals. So, such thought processing might not yet exist within their young and self conscious minds
“Oh, so they had a filly already? Strange, then why adopt somepony from an orphanage then when they already have foal?” He asked again, more to himself rather than towards me judging by his tone.
I simply ignored him before I raised my arm in an attempt to usher her over. She was reluctant at first which was somewhat understandable. Mystic here is a stranger to her after all, not to mention a unicorn too, which so far, have been nothing but bad PR towards her with the only exception of being me of course.
After a few moments of just worryingly standing there, and me still trying to usher her over. She eventually sighed and tried to make her way over to us. The key word here is ‘tried’ which she would have, if a random rock didn’t suddenly decide to hit her in the head and force her off of her hooves rather quickly.
I think I even saw a tiny spry of blood flying to the air from where the rather sizable pebble hit her.
Time slowed down for me afterwards as I watched her dainty little form hit the ground harder than it should have. Watching her as tears immediately started to leak out of her closed eyes and with her mouth forming to an expression of pure pain and agony.
A massive cry didn’t took long to follow after, as she quickly moved her hooves up to her head in hopes of lessening the pain, and to an extent, to stop the now very visible bleeding from her wound.
Time quickly returned to normal for me when the first ponies nearby finally realized what was going on. I mean how could you now, with a young little filly laying on the ground, screaming and crying her heart out wild bleeding very noticeable from the left side of her head.
I don’t know how, but my intuitions quickly told me exactly who the culprits where who caused this.
I smell bullies. Sociopathic, little bullies, and one toxic little filly just filled the role.
My suspicions were swiftly confirmed when I looked over at the direction where I last saw those three little foals was making trouble at, and saw that all three of them, especially Thera herself, had expression of pure horror in their eyes.
“Thera, you…you accidentally hit her.” I managed to hear one of her goon’s stutter despite the distance.
So, it ACTUALLY was her now wasn’t it? Ooh, this really rustles my jimmies good. Especially knowing that she has practically the same brains as her little band of wanna be bandits and rebels.
Then again, it also now makes total sense. Because from the three, she was by far the worst shot of them all if memory of my many encounters with her in the orphanage were anything to go by.
“Oh dear Celestia, the poor little filly.” I heard one of the nearby adults cry out as things finally started react around me.
Same for me, but more like towards these three fuckups and their homicidal tendencies. Picking up a few stray rocks on the way while doing so.
An eye for an eye after all, and nobody had ever said that I was a nice guy either. I can and will get pretty nasty myself when push comes to shove.
Don’t make a mad person MAD is my slogan for the day.
“Hey, wait a minute, isn’t that…?” One of the colts tried to say before he was quickly silenced by a rock hitting him square on the muzzle, forcing him on his flank. Most likely breaking his nose, but then again, who cares. Especially not me at this current moment.
The two still left standing where of course shocked by this sudden turn of events after they finally noticed me approaching them, even more so when they saw the deep rooted glare I was giving them.
Thera in particular, had the largest eyes and the most low hanging ears of the two. Minus the guy whose ears where literally touching the ground right now.
“Alright, from all the stupid shit that you three have done, in particular you Thera…” I glared over at the taller filly which made her flinch. ”…this is by far, the most careless and most irresponsible thing I have seen so far from the three of you. Throwing large pebbles at the little ducklings while somehow managing to overshoot and hitting a small little filly instead. A little filly whos life has been facing nothing but discrimination and racism since the day she was born. Primarily from her own family. And now, she is bleeding, laying on the ground, and crying her dainty little eyes out in agony because one of you can’t even hit a fucking pond? Who knows what how much damage you conflicted into this little filly’s head, with your taller bodies and greater strength. Just adding another item on her ever-growing shit list of things that the world has been fucking her over with.” I chided, half of it through shouting while throwing and catching the pebbled on my hoof mindlessly.
Generally being the grown up for once. Despite the massive Irony of this situation.
“Wait a minute, why am I even getting intimidated by a baby foal like yo…” Thera tried to counter but didn’t succeeded. Mostly because I was now flinging rocks at them like a mad man. Again, ironic, but at least it forced them to retreat almost immediately, while taking their nose bleeding friend of with them.
I continued throw rocks at their direction for a bit until they were out of reach. Only for them to be swiftly intercepted by Deep Care herself and one of her helpers. Glaring down at the trio for what they have done.
Serves them right, and now their punishment was on the way, accompanied by some serious stereo scolding from Deep Care. That only left me to quickly make my way back towards octy, where a healthy number of ponies have already gathered around her. Most importantly miss Camellia herself.
She looked frantic, panicked and scared out of her wits after she witnessed the state her daughter was in. Pushing herself past the gathered masses and in front of a stallion who was already trying to calm Octavia down and mending to her injuries.
I on the other hand, wasn’t really that far behind, followed by mystic who also joined me. Why? I don’t know. Kids are just generally curious after all, especially towards scenes and drama.
Or at least I was, or rather, still am.
But my curiosity wasn’t really aimed to quench my first for drama, but rather, to see if Octy was actually ok.
By the looks of things, she kinda of was, mostly thanks to this stallion who swiftly managed to patch Octavia up with a bandage he probably pulled out from his saddlepack on his back.
And judging by his equipment and that butt mark he has on his ass, he was most likely a doctor, or at the very least a nurse of some kind.
“Oh dear Equestria and everything that is good, what happened? Is Octavia ok? Is she going to be ok?” I heard Camellia asked. Both her sense of fear and panic perfectly noticeable in her tone.
The stallion nods. “For now yes, but you need to bring her to a proper doctor just to be sure. Sadly, I am just a nurse and can’t really do much besides covering her wound and help stop the bleeding.” The stallion responded.
So, he actually is a nurse then. Pointless, but information is still information. Especially in a place where I don’t have access to the fucking internet anymore.
Again, something I am just never going to get used to.
But constant playbacks aside, I was genuinely concerned for Octy’s well-being. She already has been dissed by both her own family and a lot of posy looking nobles for simply being what she is and not being what she should be. Thanks to that, she obviously lacks a lot of self-esteem for herself, which in turn, makes her seem somewhat undesirable towards many foals of her own age. She is still so damned young, and already has to put up with all of this social crap before she can even properly learn how to distinguish a bloody comic from a simple playboy magazine.
But hey, it is universally known that the universe, or existence at large is a total drag for most of the times. Ridiculous, or just plane old annoying. Something she will learn eventually, not now, but one day it might click with her.
Which is why I am who I am, and generally giving one half of the world my middle finger while completely embracing the other half in all of its nonsensical and ridiculous glory. Why fight the current when you can just relax and allow yourself to be taken downstream? Flinging middle fingers and insults along every beaver built dam on the river while throwing rocks at them.
See what I did there?
“Quick, we got to bring her to the nearest hospital. Don’t worry Octavia, everything will be fine, I promise.” I heard Camellia say in tears as she placed Octavia’s own crying form onto her back.
All physical and with no voodoo hoodoo mind you.
To my surprise, Camellia suddenly dashed off with the nurse leading the way. Leaving me behind, perplexed and a little bit insulted.
I can understand why she did it given the current circumstances. But the bitch still left me, alone, in a park, and as far as she knows, I am just a little five year old colt. Almost six in fact, if both Octy and I truly share the same birthday month. Which is around august in case someone is wondering?
“Well shit…” I muttered, when I eventually lost sight of both Octy and her mom.
“Well, seems like I have to start asking for directions if I want to go a find this hospital where these two have fucked off too. Meaning, I will have to ‘socialize’.” I said with added air quotes before looking around at the slowly dispersing mass to see who best to ask for directions.
“Alex…you…you have a cutie mark?” Mystic Tune suddenly shouted behind me. Which caused me to pause and frown.
“What are you gay? What are you doing looking at my ass like that?”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Ugh, fucking ponies and their terrible sense of direction. Seriously, you would think that for someone living in the city for who knows how long, would at least expect know where the closest hospital is from ‘Duck pond park’ (and yes that was its name, brilliant isn’t it?) actually is. But it seems that most of them were actually just tourists, or simply citizens coming from a completely different district entirely. What were the odds that all of the above where true?” I grumbled to myself. Not really paying attention where I was going and almost causing a street accident with two carriages.
Actually no, I did cause it, if the sudden crash and the aftermath sound shouting where anything to go by.
See kids, this is why you always look left and right first before crossing a street. To prevent shit like this and car insurances to go sky high.
Either way, time to finish crossing the street and observing the newly dubbed hospital building in front of me.
Not that I stopped of course.
“Huh, so this is the place? Looks just as Victorian as the rest of the city so far.” I thought to myself as I looked up this rather simple looking building. And by simple, I mean the overall architecture and size it shared in comparison to every other building around it.
If it wasn’t for the very obvious red cross plastered right above the front entrance, I would have never guess that this was actually a Hospital.
Same thing for the brothels that I just passed by while getting here. Only making its sexual intended uses clear, by peeking your head inside and seeing all of those suggestively dressed mares capering around within its halls.
Yes, even the concept of placing a bouncer in front of a door seems to be foreign to these ponies too, besides just placing plain random old guards in front of the entrance. Which was missing too, because I bet that the dude was actually in there, getting himself all kinds of tear shaped pussy and donut looking ass.
How do I know? Biology, that is how. Also, because of that green hooved Gardner mare too, who is sadly still enlisted as the estate’s local garner.
Well it's mostly because I have never told anyone of that incident, even to both Brass or Camellia. Mostly because I forgot to do so, but also to keep my re-procession of the book to be a secret.
Yes, yes, I know, it’s basically stealing. But how much can you really steal, when your step parents are just filled with it? The money I mean, not their ego. That title goes to Brass’ extended family over in NOT Nottingham, rather, the un-originally named trottingham.
I blinked. “Less thinking and more getting myself in there and see where the two have clocked in to. Do not worry Alex, because this time, no doctor is going to approach you with an oversized sewing needle of a syringe. It is Octy who is sick, not you.” I thought to myself, before pushing through the double doors of this establishment.
The entry hall was... as expected. Large, white, with seating arrangements lining up both walls, and with a few coffee tables spread about between them. A couple of ponies where occupying the seats of course. Besides that, the entire room was also in a very hospital looking with a counter at the other end of the room and two different hallways disappearing on each side, with a stairway located right next the counter I was facing.
Why I am describing this in my head while knowing that nobody is really going to hear them without the use of some voodoo hoodoo, the force, or just plain old boring telepathy? Well I don’t know and neither do I care. Shit like this has pretty much become mandatory for me.
But I guess I already said that.
“Stop, stalling Alex, go over to the counter and ‘socialize’. Despite in how jarring it can be.” I thought to myself, before willing myself forward.
A lot of curious eyes were immediately aimed at my way as I passed by awaiting patients and the equally perplexed looking nurse or two.
It certainly doesn’t seem to be normal for these equines to see a lonely colt entering a hospital all willingly without any parental guidance or grownups accompanying them. But then again, the same can be said about my world as well.
Anyway, the mare in front of the counter gave me a raised eyebrow the moment I stood in front of her. Having to crane up my head so many times for almost everything is certainly a drag. But after all these months, I pretty much got used to it.
For the most part.
I was about to engage talk with the mare, when a certain other mare didn’t just appear out of thin air to my left. The side where the illusive stairs are.
“Alex, Alex is that you?” Camellia asked as she stood on top of them. Her shock and surprise quite noticeable.
She wasted no time in cantering her ass down to embracing me. Much to my silent protest of personal space, and child abuse.
“Alex, I am so sorry for having left you behind at the park. I was just so frantic about Octavia’s well being that I…” She cried out into my ears, before I shoved a hoof into her mouth.
“My lungs, Camellia, my precious little foal lungs.” I muttered with puffed cheeks and a lot of strain on my part.
Thankfully she quickly understood the dilemma she putting me through and immediately released me from her death hug. I gasp a couple of times before composing myself, getting up on all fours before glaring up at the mare in front of me.
I had the tendency to ask her “what the fuck” but swiftly strained myself from doing so. I already had enough distraction for now, and really, I just wanted to go and see how gray face was doing. I may still stand to my believes that she shouldn’t get too attached to me for many obvious reason. But then again, I can’t really fault her for doing so.
“Well, how is Octy? Is she fine? Have you two already been visited by the doctor while I was busy asking around the city to find this place?” I asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Wait, you actually went all this way completely by yourself without any…” She tried to say before my glare quickly stopped her.
She swiftly composed herself and sighted. “Well, sorry. Also, no we…we haven’t been visited by the doctors yet. But the local nurses say that she will be fine…but…I obviously still want to hear from the doctor himself though.” She answered with her ears hanging limply against her skull.
I can move my ears too, but most of the time I just forget that I even can, which in turn, causes them to stay stiff for most of the time. Which some did pointed out strangely enough.
First my ass, now my ears. See, this is the problem I have with a naked society and hippies, no sense of bodily privacy at all.
But I am just losing track again, not very good, especially now when she ushered me to follow her. I did of course, and ascended with her up the stairs and onto the second floor where things looked alot more hospital-ish than before.
Long corridors on each side, with many, many doors on each end of the wall, most likely leading to seperate hospital rooms for the sick to slouch around in.
Or to die, if they are one of those unlucky once. Dark, but such is life.
Anyway, both me and flower girl over here promptly stopped in front of one of said doors before swiftly opening them with her horn. Inside the room was just as generically white looking as the rest of the building is, with two single beds occupying most of its space. With one obviously being occupied with the filly in question.
She does look well thankfully, having long cried herself out of her situation and just lazily sitting there with a sad frown on her muzzle. Facing away from us and out the window to her right. Though, her gaze was swiftly switched to us the moment we entered the room. The bandages on her head very much obvious now.
She smiled a bit, after spotting us.
“Well how are you doing sweetie? Has any of the nurses or even the doctor come by while I was gone? Despite in how short it was.” Camellia asked, in which the filly shook her head.
“No mom, nopony came while you were gone. I was just sitting here for the most part, staring out the window.” She answered.
Well, she does look and sound normal though. That is of course, good to see and hear.
Flower pot just nods, before quickly moving to a chair next to Octy’s bed and plumping herself down on it. I tried to do the same, though with a bit more difficulty, as to be expected.
Being so small also has its downfalls.
Octy eventually looked at me once I was perfectly sitting on my stool.
“Hey, you know...you really didn’t have to go out of your way and throw rocks at those larger foals as well. They could have easily hurt you as well if they wanted to.” She commented, which Camellia obviously picked up when she turn her gaze towards me as well.
I just scoffed. “Uh...whatever. I at least, had the ‘weapons advantage’ while also sporting a very mean glare that froze them almost instantly. You won't believe how scary and creepy little kids can be when they get really, REALLY mad.” I responded while waving my hoof dismissively.
It is true though. Kids, especially the little ones, can turn themselves into tiny little devils if they want to. Screeching higher than a nail on a chalkboard and going into a mild rampage that even rambo can’t mimic. And of course, that glare. A glare that perfectly mimics the children from the village of the damned movie.
Though, with a lot less paranormality.
Either way, Camellia raised an eyebrow while I was thinking all of that. “You know, she is kinda right. I personally don’t approve to you throwing rocks at kids. Even though if they…” Camellia tried to chide me when the doors to the room suddenly opened.
Every eye, including mine, were naturally aimed at the door. Only to reveal and white coated stallion and a nurse mare behind him.
By the way, I was referring to his doctor's coat and not the fur he wore underneath. That patch of hair was actually in a light blue color incase someone might be wondering.
Camellia immediately got off of her ‘hocker’ to swiftly greet this high ranking member of modern society.
You won't believe how much a good doctor, especially where I am from, can earn each month. They sometimes spend more time sitting in a plane then actually sitting in their offices or operation tables.
But that is of course, a rant for another day.
“Well, greetings there doctor...uh…” Camellia began.
“Doctor Stitch, Fine Stitch in full.” He responded, smiling towards the mare.
Camellia nods. “Well yes, sir...uh I mean Doctor Stitch. It’s nice to meet you.” She greeted.
“Well yes, the pleasure is all mine...Miss Camellia Harmonics, yes?” He questioned while looking at a clipboard that the nurse gave him.
Again, Camellia nods. “Well then, about your little daughter.” He began which immediately got flower pot’s attention.
“Yes doctor, is she...is she going to be fine? Are there no long lasting or permanent damage on her head?” She worriedly question, getting straight to the point.
Which is good, because I was somewhat impatient as well.
The doctor didn’t answer, but instead moved himself up towards Octy’s bed with the nurse following her. He closely examined Octavia's head. Humming to himself loudly while occasionally looking at the board of his.
I tried to steal a look at it too. Only to find indecipherable shit, and all kinds and medical gibberish that no mere mortal could understand.
Unless you went to medical school.
“Well…” The doc finally began after a long awkward and tense silence. “There should be nothing to worry about. Reading from these notes…”He presented the clipboard towards Camellia. “the only thing that the rock managed to damage was a bloodvein running across the side of her skull. Which is why she was bleeding so much previously in the first place. It is kind of luck that your daughter here is an earthpony and none of the other two races. Earthponies have generally a much denser bone structure compared to unicorns and pegasi. If she were any of the previous two, they might have actually been a high possibility for her skull to be fractured, which in turn could cause all kinds of precautions, especially for someone still as young as her. Again, really lucky that she is an earthpony and not of the other two.” The doctor explained which immediately got a sigh of relief from Camellia.
“Oh thank Celestia.” She sighted, which in turn caused me to arch an eyebrow.
“Celestia, celestia, celestia. The only name I always hear in both vain in thanks is bloody Celestia. Who is she? The rip off version of christ or something? Now we are treading on no, no zones here.” I wondered to myself.
Did I ever mention that one half of my family were christians? Yeah, I actually know a good deal about religion and stuff...even though I might seem like the very last guy to be asked about religion.
Wonder what kind of religion these horses have to bend over for. Hope it's none of this Latin American ones like the Mayans or Aztecs. Now that would makes think...surprisingly a lot more intriguing in a twisted way.
Colorful, naked, cartoon ponies sacrifices virgins and cuts out hearts for their dark gods. It couldn’t get any more metal than that.
Either way, the stallion just nods and smiled when Camellia looked over Octy with a relieved smile.
Though the doc continued. “Anyway, thanks to this she will only need to keep her head out of trouble from now on while occasionally changing the bandages a view more times. After that, everything should be well with little to no complication. In other words, you and your daughter and are free to do…” He then suddenly looked at me. ”...oh and your son too. Must have been quite scary to see your sister like this wasn’t it?” He asked while looking at me with a bit of concern.
I tapped chin and hummed. “Well it was concerning. But I am afraid that you keeping things mixed up here. I am, in fact, just adopted.” I told him.
He looked surprised at first before softing his gaze. “Oh well, sorry then. Didn’t realize that.” He responded, looking over at Camellia for confirmation.
She nods. “Well yes, as a bit sad as that might sound, but he is still just as much part of the family as our daughter is. No matter what his origins are.” She stated, giving me a smile.
I would like to say that her comment was hitting me ‘right here’. But that would be a bit to cliche and somewhat out of my usual shenanigans. So I will say that I feel...appreciated, and just smiled back.
“Anyway, I guess it's time to go then. It is getting late, and I bet that Brass is already wondering where we are.” Camellia suddenly announced.
“Well then in that case, let me no longer hold you back. Again, stay safe and remember to change that bandage again before ushering her to bed.” The doc responded, which again got a nod from the mare.
“Sure, and thank you so much doctor.” She offered.
“No need to thank. It is my job after all.” He responded before taking his leave, with the nurse following him.
“Well, do you feel well enough to walk on your own honey? Or do you want to hitch a ride?” Camellia asked.
Octy shook her head. “No thanks...I think I can walk just fine on my own. Plus…” She looked over at me with a smile. ”...I have my brother to help me out in case I get wobbly.” She announced.
Well shit, it guess it really IS happening isn’t it? To divert her now, would most likely just hurt her. Shit...me and my sense of morality.
And with that, we were off with me carrying a new burden on my shoulders. The burden of being Octavia's brotherly figure.
