Chapters How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Life is odd. No…no…that statement is way too profound, much too profound for my tastes, even. It’s much too on the nose. It works too well. It’s no way to begin a story that’s filled to the brim with romance and things that one might find on a Hollywood silver screen. It doesn’t defy reality, it is reality. Since this story might seem completely unrealistic (for, after all, we are breaking about a million social taboos within it), it doesn’t seem like it fits. Yet…it does fit. Life is odd, and it got even odder the day I found myself in a swirling vortex of death. Okay, okay, so it wasn’t a swirling vortex of death, but it was a magic portal into a distant land. One that, I soon found out, was inhabited by ponies of every hue in the vast spectrum we call color.
But I’ll get to that later. For now, please, sit back, relax, and enjoy this little tale of how I, a human male, fell in love with an equine female…
It was a normal day, and I was on my way home from work as a pizza delivery driver. It’s not exactly the most thrilling or glamorous line of work, but it pays well and it’s an honest living. The most interesting part of the job was getting to explore areas of town that I had never seen before, and getting to drive by a lake every time I made a delivery wasn’t a bad thing at all. Since I worked the evening shift, the sun would shimmer off the rippling waters as it began sinking ever closer to the horizon. There were also numerous boats, that looked almost like toys from the high bridge I had to cross.
I had graduated from college the year before, and I was working this job simply to subsidize myself until a full time position in my field became available. It covered my expenses, and I was truly grateful for it. Getting to drive around with the smell of pizza invading my nostrils was truly a gift, even though eating it would have gotten me fired. Yes, it was difficult for a pizza lover like me to be around the scrumptious, cheese covered beauties for five hour shifts without taking one delectable sample, but I made it happen.
Anyway, I was driving home when suddenly, a deer decided to jump out in front of my bumper. I don’t know if she had some vindictive purpose, or if she was just a deer being a deer. Since I don’t want to become institutionalized, I’m gonna go ahead and say it was the latter. Thankfully, my headlights were on, so I was able to avoid her. Unfortunately, in the process of doing so, my car hit a giant oak tree beside the road with excessive force. The airbags deployed and I found myself breathing into more of that material than I ever cared to.
Once I regained some sense of self-awareness, I climbed out and surveyed the wreckage. Yep…she’s totaled, I told myself. The bumper was more twisted than the Saw movie franchise, and both front tires had been shredded. The hood had somehow turned into its own ornament, and the windshield was completely smashed in. There was glass everywhere, so I instinctively checked myself for cuts. Finding none of the bloody red soup I expected to find, I immediately telephoned the police and waited for them to arrive.
Since I had nothing else to do, I began searching my surroundings. The tree I had unfortunately become close companions with stood at the edge of a vast field. Since it was pitch black, I switched on my cellphone light and flashed it around the area. There were a few buildings a long way off in the distance, and a wooden fence came tumbling down from one of them. I noted that this was your basic cow pasture, and I thought nothing more of it…until I saw the hole in the ground.
It was of average length, and it appeared to have been dug on purpose. But it was the only hole in the pasture, and I began to question its purpose. Why on Earth would somebody randomly dig a hole at the edge of an apparently abandoned cow pasture? Unless the bovines who resided there had suddenly become adept with shovels and pickaxes, then this hole had no business being there. Whoever owned the livestock certainly wouldn’t have dug a hole in such a random location. The houses and barn are way up there, I thought, which means this can’t be a hole for their mailbox. So…why the hell is it here?
I became curious, and that was when my adventure truly began. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “curiosity killed the cat.” Well, I was the feline in question, and I guess I had some type of death wish, because I put one foot into the hole. I realized, with more than my fair share of apprehension and a bit of sudden fright, that my foot completely disappeared. It was as if something had grabbed my lower extremity and would not let it go. So, in a move that, in retrospect, was rather ill conceived, I planted my other foot in the hole. I was trying to get some kind of leverage in the dirt to pull myself out, but in so doing, I sucked myself into this vortex.
I found myself spinning more than the clothes in my dryer, and I quickly became dizzy and disoriented. Colors flashed around me, and I could do nothing but scream “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!” I felt like such a blubbering idiot, but I had no choice in the matter. All I could do was shout into the void until I felt darkness’s comforting embrace close in. I allowed it to overtake me until I reached the end of the vortex and hit something hard with a loud thump.
I awoke and reapplied myself to basic thought and movement. I adjusted to my new surroundings, and found that I was in a forest of some kind. The trees towered overhead, blanketing me with their canopy of foliage. It was rather peaceful, the kind of feeling one gets when it’s a cloudy day and the trees are softly bending to the commands of the wind. Ah… I told myself, …this is rather nice. I could get used to it!
But then I remembered that I had just been sucked through some kind of vortex and my totaled car lay back on the other side of it. DAMN IT! I shouted internally, and the police are probably there by now, too. They’re gonna think I hit the tree and fled the scene! STUPID HOLE!
“Excuse me?” A kind voice asked behind me, “but…you look lost. Can I help you?”
I turned around and then nearly fell over as I came to the sudden realization that I had four legs. My face had stretched a bit, and I now had way more hair than I ever wanted to. I looked down…and saw that my feet had been replaced by hooves. Then I looked back up and, much to my surprise, saw that the new presence was a talking pony.
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Author's Note
Hey, everyone! I just wanted to thank y'all for the amazing response to the story so far! I hope that I can continue to write things that you'll love reading. As always, comments, questions, and criticisms are welcomed and appreciated. Enjoy!
A Place Called Equestria
My mouth felt like someone had stapled it to my chest. I stood there showing signs of complete incompetence as I gasped and stuttered at the figure that was before me. This talking equine happened to be yellow. No, no, I don’t mean that in an insulting fashion, I mean that literally. This was a yellow pony! She had bright blue eyes, and a pink mop of hair that was just as unruly as it was controlled. It fell over her left eye…or was it her right eye? I could never tell. Whenever she turned her head, the larger part of her massive volume of follicles went with her.
“Are you alright?” She asked me with a cock of her head.
I couldn’t deny the fact that she was quite cute. Her voice was soft and gentle, and it made me think of my own home and warm nights by the fireplace. She seemed friendly enough, but could I trust her? I mean, after all, she was a pony and I was a human being! Or…at least…I was at one point. Now, I wasn’t sure what I was or where I was or even what my name was! I certainly couldn’t keep calling myself by my human name. I mean, imagine if you got caught in an alternate dimension filled to the brim with talking ponies. Would you keep calling yourself Jim or Bob or Sarah? No sane person would!
I finally managed to regain control of my faculties. “I think so,” I said in answer to her query, “but…who are you?”
“Oh, my name’s Fluttershy,” she said nicely, “what’s your name?”
Of course. She had to ask that. I had to be the nice, kind, mannerly person and ask her what her name was, knowing full well that she was going to return the same question. I had to think up a pony name, and fast! Her name’s Fluttershy, I began thinking to myself, that’s interesting. Vaguely artistic and extremely poignant when it comes to her soft speaking voice, but interesting nonetheless. Hm…what can I call myself?
I began looking around the forest, trying desperately to find something to name myself after. I saw it in an old Muppet movie, the one where Kermit the Frog is stuck in Manhattan with amnesia and he has to name himself after an old gas station advertisement. As most Muppet related things are, it was very well done, and I decided to try and emulate it. I quickly located some stones nearby and decided to use them to my advantage.
“I’m…Stony,” I said, and then suddenly looked at my backside, “Stony Tail.”
“That’s a really nice name!” She said, “and, if I may say so, you have a very nice cutie mark.”
She pointed to my…flank, and there was a mark of a pony delivering pizzas. They have pizza delivery in this world? I asked myself, this is gonna be my life now, isn’t it? I hope they at least know how to make good pizza!
“Um…thanks,” I said, going along with everything she was doing, “so, where exactly am I?”
Now it was her turn to experience what I’m now calling the “stapled mouth effect.” Her jawline suddenly became three sizes larger, and she seemed to be as disoriented as I had been. I waved my…er…hoof in front of her face and she snapped back to reality. “Sorry,” she said, “it’s just…everypony knows of The Everfree Forest. I’m a little surprised at your confusion.”
“I’m new in the area,” I said honestly, “and I must say, I’ve never heard of this Everfree Forest. Can you tell me about it?”
“I can,” she said, “but not here. It’s much too dangerous! We have to be moving along. We’ve spent too much time in one spot already!”
Goodnight in the morning! I said to myself, using an old Southern colloquialism, this pony’s off her rocker!
She didn’t say anything more, but grabbed my hoof and began running. Since I was not accustomed to three legs, let alone four, my own attempts to escape became rather crude and hilarious instances of stumbling along blindly. I could tell she was trying to be nice and not laugh, but it became impossible. By the time we had removed ourselves from the rather comforting mass of trees and bushes into the open air, she was giggling to her heart’s content.
“Forgive me for laughing,” she sputtered, “but you look as if you’ve never run on three hooves before!”
“Sister…you have no idea,” I said.
She gave me an odd look, but then led me into a little town that was nearby. It was quaint, with small rows of cottages built upon each other. Each one looked similar to the one beside it, yet it seemed to hold its own sense of personality and individuality. They were basic homes, with cobblestones for exteriors and four or five windows apiece. They each had small, well-kept yards, and the gardens were magnificent. I stared with wide eyed wonder at the pure brightness of the flowers that grew there.
“Wow…” I breathed.
My new companion giggled again. “I see you’re interested in our gardens,” she said, “you chose to visit Ponyville at the right time. It’s the middle of our spring floral competition!”
“Ponyville?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yep! Ponyville! The friendliest town in Equestria!”
Equestria, I said to myself, so that’s what they call this place.
I had heard rumors that some underground scientists had been tinkering and toying with the idea that there was a place called Equestria. But I had thought nothing of it. Just some old geezers and young dreamers thinking way beyond the boundaries of what humanity can accomplish. But now, here I was! The very thing that I had poked fun at and made sport of for years was actually animate! Someone could, very literally, break through the wall and get to the other side.
I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept following Fluttershy. I was getting more attuned with my new hooves, and soon enough, it became as easy as walking on two legs. Truth be told, having four legs is actually better than having two, because one can spread the weight out more evenly. It was also very good for my health, as I found my heartbeat gaining speed as we were simply trotting. It was some of the best exercise I’d ever experienced. Note to self, I thought, see what we can do about getting two artificial legs done for athletic purposes back home. Imagine Major League Baseball, the NFL, the NBA, and the NCAA on four legs! There must be someone I could speak with about this!
I was lost in thought and I didn’t notice the giant tree in front of me, nor the fact that I suddenly picked up speed and began galloping with delight. “Look out!” One of the ponies shouted, but it was too late. For the second time in a twenty-four-hour period, some part of me became forced friends with an oak. I slammed into it muzzle first and I backed away from it with my teeth chattering. Then everything went black, and the last thing I remember was hitting the ground.
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How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Darkness, Light, and the Things They Contain
Have you ever been in the dark? No, I don’t mean that in a childish way where one needs one’s parents to come and rescue them. I mean, have you ever experienced true darkness? If you have, then you know exactly what I went through after I hit that oak tree. It was a nearly unending void where all of my life choices crawled out of the woodwork and decided to pester me for hours on end. I might have been unconscious in the outer world, but in my own little domain, I was definitely awake and alert. I saw every good and bad decision I had ever made played out against the course of my personal history. Some of them were hilarious, some embarrassing, and some were heart wrenching.
I saw the time I fell off the monkey bars in second grade and broke my arm. It was a small break, but all I remember was the pain that came with it. I also remember my mother putting me in the car and driving home on the bumpiest road that humankind has ever dreamt up. I curse the person who made that road. Either that, or I curse the road crew that failed to accomplish the basic task of maintaining the road. I also saw the homemade sling my father made out of some napkins, and the hospital room where we watched one of those police chase television shows until the x-rays came back.
I saw the time I attended my first baseball game and began a lifelong love affair with the sport. True, it was when I was four years old and I cried because the fireworks that shot off when the home team hit a home run hurt my ears, but I’ve never looked back. Baseball is the greatest sport ever invented, and whether or not it was Abner Doubleday or Alexander Joy Cartwright (hint, it was the latter) who invented it, I owe a huge part of my life to them. Nothing screams amazement quite like the smell of fresh cut grass, the crack of the pine as it hits the hide of the ball, and the roar of the crowd when something truly inspiring occurs.
I also saw the first love of my life. I’ll never forget her. She had bright, beautiful, happy blue eyes, and this long, blond hair that waved in the wind whenever she walked. If any of you have ever heard the song “Girl All the Bad Guys Want” by Bowling for Soup, where it describes the girl walking and the wind blowing constantly, then you know what I’m trying to convey here. But she wasn’t a bad girl. In fact, she was a good girl. She was a devoted religious individual, who was never quite far from some type of church. I fell in love with her quite quickly. But the love turned to heartache just as fast when she lied to me in order to be with someone who was better looking than me. I knew it was love because of the pain I endured after finding out.
So these events played out in my mind until I found myself floating towards an intensely bright light. It illuminated my thoughts like the sun, and I thought about bowing to it. It just seemed like something you would do obeisance towards, even though it also seemed to be inanimate. How the hell does a completely arbitrary light get into my head? I asked myself as I continued floating towards it. I had no idea what I would find there, but perhaps the light held an answer for the complete randomness of ending up in a world filled with talking ponies. Maybe it showed my destiny. Either that, or it was death itself coming to claim me. Whatever it was, I held my head up and bravely passed into it.
Once there, I began to hear small voices seeping through the ether. I thought they were inquiring about my well-being, but I had no idea why. They certainly had no cards to play in the game of life I was experiencing, and they didn’t need to begin adding their two cents to everything. I began to get aggravated with the voices. “I DON’T NEED YOU!” I suddenly screamed, “EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT!” Then, suddenly, one of them took on a familiar tone. “Oh, my goodness! I think he’s coming out of it!”
I groaned as my head spun out of control a bit before I finally snapped back into consciousness. I looked around and noticed that I was in some kind of hospital room and Fluttershy was standing there. Thank GOD, a familiar face! I told myself happily. Then I took note of the new ponies who were standing next to her. They were all mares, and they looked very friendly. Wow…they’ve never even met me, I thought, and here they are worried about my condition! This really IS the friendliest town in Equestria!
The first new pony was blue, with reddish eyes and a mane that looked as if a toddler had decided to take all the colors of the rainbow and just toss them there. The pony next to her was rather elegant and well put together, with a white body, beautiful blue eyes, and a purple mane that curled gracefully off her head. The third pony was pink with joyous blue eyes and a mane that matched her body, only it looked as if someone had pumped it up and then rubbed a generous amount of static electricity on it. Fluttershy was next to her, and then finally, there came an orange pony with green eyes and a blond mane. She was wearing an old brown cowboy hat that looked like it had come from my neck of the woods.
“Are you alright, Stony Tail?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yes, darling, do tell us if you are!” The white mare said in an accent that sounded something like Tallulah Bankhead, “you took a rather nasty bump on the head!”
“Is there anything we can get ya?” The orange one drawled in an accent that immediately made me feel comfortable around her.
“No, no,” I replied, “I’m good.”
“Maybe…you need a PARTY!” The pink one suddenly yelled, startling me. Her voice was shrill and it caused my eardrums to reevaluate their existence.
“Pinkie Pie, darling!” The white one reprimanded, “Stony Tail does not need a party! Not everypony needs a party!”
“Oh, come on, Rarity!” Pinkie Pie responded, “everypony could do with a good celebration every now and then.”
“Yes, yes, I know,” Rarity said, waving a hoof as she did, “but the poor thing is injured. Can’t you show a little bit of decorum and not call for a party at the drop of a hat?”
This question seemed to quiet Pinkie, and she settled back beside her friend. I couldn’t help but feel badly for her. She was so happy a moment before, and this small exchange seemed to have dampened her spirits. So I decided to try and quell the sudden awkwardness that invaded the room. “Um…I do enjoy a good party,” I confessed, “but maybe not right now. Let me get to feeling better, and then I might want one.”
WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?! I screamed at myself as soon as the words left my mouth, I’M NOT TRYING TO STAY HERE! I WANT TO GO BACK HOME!
But then I looked and I saw the happiness that had settled back over the pink mare. Her smile was ear to ear and it was incredibly infectious. She was just like one of those people who’s always happy and you can’t help but garner the same emotion when you’re around them. I soon began smiling back at her, and then the rest of the group followed suit. “I guess it’s true what they say…” I said.
“What’s true, sugar cube?” The orange one asked.
“Smiles are very contagious.”
“Yep!” Pinkie said, “and it’s the best kind of contagion!”
As the happy attitude in the room began to swell, a large figure darkened the doorway. “What’s going on? I heard somepony got hurt. Is everypony okay?”
The five ponies turned and looked at the new presence before bowing in respect. I didn’t know what to do, so I offered the best bow I could. When in Rome… I told myself. I didn’t want the ponies to think that I was disrespecting some important figure. But then the silhouette moved further into the light…and there stood a pony that, by everything I had seen in Equestria so far, shouldn’t exist. She was so tall that she dwarfed the others, and her purple and pink streaked mane was consistently flowing. There was a great golden crown placed upon her head, and I noticed that she had both wings and a horn.
I couldn’t explain it, but I was captivated and intrigued by her. She smiled down at the five, who quickly rose from their bows and ran to hug her. She graciously returned their embraces and then turned up and looked at me. Her purple eyes sparkled, and she looked like the most pleasant and wonderful pony one could ever hope to meet. Who is she? I asked myself, and…why do I want to know more about her?
Author's Note
Quick note: yes, this is taking place after Twilight takes over Equestria at the end of the show. Just letting everyone know. Hope y'all are enjoying it!
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Meeting Royalty (AKA My Nerves Are Shot)
The first thing I noticed about this new pony other than her physical appearance was that she was incredibly kind. She seemed to have the best interests of all the ponies in the room locked away in some secret part of her heart, and she tended to them. She ensured that all of them were alright before turning to me. Once again, I saw the sparkle in her purple eyes and I wanted to know more about it. My thirst for knowledge based solely on this particular pony was ravenous. I wanted to read book after book about her and not stop until I had drunk in every last thing there was to know about her.
She smiled and my heart skipped a beat. Wait…what? I asked myself, I mean, she’s kinda pretty, but…why is it that I’m so drawn in by her? Is it her looks? Her smile? The way she treated the other ponies? I was at a loss for an answer to any of those questions, so I looked back and tried to reflect her gesture. The silence between us was rather awkward, but it only lasted a few seconds before she broke it. “So…you’re the pony who ran into a tree?”
“Um…yes?” I gulped. I figured that this was an extremely important pony, maybe even the ruler of Equestria. I hoped I had not violated some law or destroyed some very special social cue by my clumsiness. My lips shook, and my hooves followed suit. “I…I’m so very sorry,” I managed to sputter out, “I didn’t mean to!”
She laughed. That seems like a very simple statement, but it was the way she laughed that sent my emotional machinery into a frenzy. It was a soft laugh, yet filled with all of the happiness that her pink friend had exuded before. Her vocal tones were sweet, yet salty at the same time. She sounded as if she were at Ponyville’s best comedy club, and the headlining act had just launched into a rip roaring set. I didn’t know how to feel, so I just sat there like a blubbering idiot until she finished her outburst.
“I’m so sorry,” she said as she calmed down, “I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just…I’ve never had somepony apologize to me for running into a tree before.”
I realized that I had made a complete fool of myself. Of course they weren’t going to put me in jail for accidentally banging my head on an oak tree! You stupid, stupid person…er…pony! I scolded myself, you just apologized for your own incompetence! You idiot! You moron! You dumbass…er…pony! STUPID! STUPID!
I suppose my internal shouting match became apparent, because she put a comforting hoof on my shoulder. It wasn’t rough, as I’d expect a pony’s hoof to be, but smooth and soothing. It was almost like a small cloud had lighted on me, and I didn’t want it to go away. I looked back into that kind face and noticed, once again, the sparkle in her eyes. It was a happy sparkle, and I suddenly thought that life would be very satisfying if everyone had eyes that sparkled like hers.
“Do not take it out on yourself,” she said soothingly, “everypony makes a mistake now and then. But from now on, you should probably watch where you’re going.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Now, who are you, again?”
The other ponies gasped and I felt completely out of place. Shivers took their time running up and down my spinal cord, and my mouth went dry as the Sahara Desert. My eyes grew wide and I realized that I had probably just cemented my status as Ponyville’s newest punching bag. The ponies began whispering among themselves, and the purple one silently put her hoof up. When she did so, they fell silent and she smiled down at me. “My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle, the ruler of Equestria, and the former Princess of Friendship.”
Her voice was so kind and it didn’t judge one iota of my being. I was in shock. I had just inadvertently insulted the ruler of Equestria, and her response was one of complete friendliness. Back in the human world, even an accidental bit of mudslinging was enough to get you sent to the gallows of society. You would be slaughtered, especially online. It was a product of the times we lived in, yet it still didn’t feel right. No one would even accept an apology. Wow, I thought as I reflected on the differences between my world and this one, these ponies are so much better than humans! I mean, really, she’s the ruler of a nation, and she treats me as if we’ve been close friends forever! Okay…now I HAVE to know more about her!
“I’m so sorry if my question sounded insulting, Your Majesty,” I said quickly, “but I really meant no harm by it.”
“I understand,” she said, “and it’s no problem. New ponies in Equestria are quite common, and it’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t have known me.”
“Yes,” I said, going along with her, “and thank you for your kindness.”
She smiled again. “You’re welcome, and now that you know my name, might I ask yours?”
“Certainly,” I said, “I’m Stony Tail. Fluttershy found me in the woods and led me into town, which is where I had the whole run in with the tree.”
I’m certain that my blush could be seen by everypony in town, and I couldn’t help but notice the rainbow maned one sniggering a bit. This was quelled by Rarity’s swift hoof swipe to her ear. “OW!” She complained, “what was that for?!”
“Rainbow Dash, I swear to Celestia, you need to show some respect!”
“And you need to get caught up on current events!” The blue mare responded, “I mean, really! Celestia and Luna haven’t ruled in four months! Get with the freakin’ program!”
“I AM with the program!” Rarity retorted, “but maybe it’s YOU who needs to have her mental capacity checked!”
“Are you calling me stupid?!”
“No…I’m merely observing that you could do with a good psychological checkup.”
“AHHHHHHHH!” Rainbow Dash screamed before going after the pretty white mare. As quick as lightning, Twilight stood in between the fighting friends and glared at both of them. Once again, my mind went into shock as I witnessed the kind, gentle princess turn into a fierce warrior. She looked very brave and regal, like the walls of everything could come crashing down around her and she would still stand for what she knew was right. She didn’t look savage or hateful, but rather inspiring and valorous.
“Rainbow Dash!” She barked sharply, “Rarity! Stand before me!” The two friends silently obeyed the command and stood in front of Twilight. “Now,” the princess continued, her look softening, “you two are some of my closest friends. I can’t stand to see the two of you fight. You teach in Starlight’s school, and you represent two of the Elements of Harmony. If two harmonious beings are fighting, then the rest of the Elements are thrown into imbalance. You know what happens then. Please, for the sake of Equestria and our friendship, don’t fight.”
I immediately garnered more respect for her. She spoke fiercely and with great courage one moment, but then the very next she turned into something like a teacher gently chiding her students. Her tone turned soft as velvet and I wanted to hear more of it. Her flowing mane, which had been imbued with magical lightning only seconds before, returned to its peaceful state and I thought I could look at it all day. My nerves, which had been tossed into chaos on meeting her, returned to normal. She is the greatest being I’ve ever met, pony or person, I told myself, and I need to know more. I have to know more…
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Author's Note
Whew! This took a bit to write, but I think it was worth it! Also, just a heads up that I will be posting my first Equestria Girls story later today. I hope you'll enjoy it, and I hope you continue to enjoy this one! Happy reading!
A Summons
I spent the next day or so recuperating in that hospital room. The medical staff were just as surprisingly friendly as the other ponies had been, and I grew attached to them. Dr. Maneford, the specialist who observed me, quickly made his way onto my “favorites” list. He was funny and extremely charismatic, even when explaining everything that was wrong with me. It was nice to have someone to speak with when my new mare friends couldn’t be there.
But that didn’t mean that they had stopped caring. Every single day they made sure to drop by and check on me. Their friendship bloomed around me like the wonderful blossoms of the springtime gardens, and I felt warm around them. My heart would soar whenever one of them trotted into my room and left me a get well card or some flowers. So they do the same things when one of their own is sick as we do back in the human world, I told myself, how fascinating.
I got to know each of them on a rather personal level. Rainbow Dash was obsessed with speed, flight, and the Daring Do novels. We had a two-hour conversation…or, I should say, SHE had a two-hour conversation…about the entirety of the series and every single character therein. By the time she finished, I felt like I had participated in a whirlwind reading session whereupon I stumbled my way through each book. I also found out that Rarity was obsessed with fashion and designing clothes (she even insisted on designing me an outfit), Pinkie Pie was obsessed with parties, and Applejack, the orange pony, was obsessed with apples and the farming of such fruits.
But the event I looked forward to the most was when the princess would make a visit. She stayed in Ponyville until just before I left the hospital, returning to her home in their capital city of Canterlot shortly after. I actually shed a couple of tears when she left, because I felt like I had missed an excellent opportunity. She was a great mystery to me, and I continued to pine for knowledge of her. In my world, princesses and princes and kings and queens were detached from the common populace. In this world, Princess Twilight seemed to love dwelling among the ponies who ranked beneath her. Her subjects were also her best friends. What a spectacular way to run a kingdom, I thought, I wish our human leaders could learn friendship.
The day I got discharged from the hospital was a day that would change my life forever. I was sitting at the door, waiting for Fluttershy to come and lead me to her home. She had graciously offered to let me stay with her during my time there, and I had accepted. I could see her pink and yellow head bobbing on the horizon, when suddenly, a deep blue pony raced past her. He was dressed from head to tail in a heavy suit of armor. It surprised me to see a soldier, because I figured that Equestria just didn’t have any enemies. Or…at least…it shouldn’t, I reasoned.
The unicorn guard arrived at my hooves and magically removed a scroll from his saddlebag. He popped off the seal and began announcing, in a rather annoyingly official voice. “Hear ye, hear ye! Stony Tail, the newest pony in Equestria and the newest friend of Her Most Royal Majesty, Princess Twilight Sparkle, hath hereby been summoned to the grand castle of Canterlot for an official meeting with Her Highness!” After he finished his small announcement, he stuck out his hoof. “I am Tactician, second in command to Sir Shining Armor, the commander of Her Majesty’s forces. I am to bring you to Canterlot at once, Stony Tail!”
“Oh, that’s alright,” I said kindly, “I actually was-“
“You cannot refuse an official summons of the Princess!” Tactician barked, “now, we must be off!”
Without warning, he grabbed my hoof and drug me over to where a royal chariot was waiting. Fluttershy, to her credit, did not try and stop them. At first, I was upset with her. You’re supposed to be my friend, and you’re not doing anything to impede these whackos?! I shouted at her internally. But then she smiled and nodded, as if everything was going to be alright. I trusted her, even though she didn’t say anything, and I cautiously settled onto my haunches.
“Brace yourself!” Tactician yelled.
“Brace my-SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELF?!”
The reason that’s been entirely capitalized is because that was my scream when the chariot suddenly took off into the air. I hadn’t noticed the four Pegasi guards who were piloting the contraption, and I was thrown into the back of it when we left the ground. I didn’t know ponies could fly that quickly. Heck, before this, I hadn’t known that ponies could fly at all! But once we got going, their movements softened and we soared majestically through the sky towards a city that, I swear, was hanging off the side of a very tall mountain.
“There it is, Mr. Stony Tail!” Tactician said, “the grand city of Canterlot, monument to all of pony kind!”
It truly was magnificent to look at from afar, and I once again experienced the “stapled mouth effect.” As we drew closer, I noticed that every tower in the town gleamed with the light of the sun. They were extremely grandiose in nature, yet they seemed to have every exquisite detail covered. Nothing was missing, and it felt as if I were flying into a cavalcade of wonder. We flew through the streets, and I noticed that all of the businesses here had a rich sheen about them. Obviously very successful ponies live here, I told myself.
Then we flew into the castle courtyard itself. It was breathtaking, with garden upon garden of amazing blooms and the tallest trees anyone could have imagined. We were brought in to land by some ponies magically waving flags, and the Pegasi parked us exactly where we needed to be. My mouth continued to hang loosely against my chest as we disembarked and trotted into the truly stupendous building.
It was made of the smoothest stones painted white, and the top of it was a bright purple. Four symbols were engraved above the front door, and I recognized one as the cutie mark of Princess Twilight. The others I didn’t know, and when I tried to ask Tactician about it, he simply said that they were the “emblems of destiny.” I noticed that he had a habit of sometimes speaking cryptically, but I never pressed further about it. I accepted his explanation and we went into a great hallway.
The carpeted floor masked our hoof steps as we approached some giant double doors. Twilight’s mark was etched above this one as well, and Tactician stopped and turned to me. “Now, then,” he said, “royal protocol and etiquette demands that you bow to Princess Twilight with your nose touching the floor. You are not to look into her face until she bids you to do so.”
“But Princess Twilight is my friend-“
“ROYAL PROTOCOL WILL NOT BE BREACHED!” He barked sharply.
“Okay, okay,” I said, “sheesh.”
He turned and opened the door and we entered the throne room. It was even more spectacular than the outside of the castle. Beautiful stained glass windows adorned the walls, and I recognized one as having Princess Twilight fighting off some kind of evil force. So Equestria does have enemies, I told myself, but it looks as if Princess Twilight has everything in hand…er…hoof.
I turned and nearly ran into Tactician’s rear end. He was already bowing, and I snapped back to reality. I immediately dropped on my nose until I felt a sweet aroma invade my nostrils. It warmed my olfactory senses, causing my others to spin out of control. I nearly burst out giggling, but remembered where I was and to whom I was bowing. I also felt a warm, soft, yet somehow commanding vocal tone in my ear. “Arise,” it said, “and come sit next to me, Stony Tail.”
I looked up, and there she was. That great mystery and paradox that I had become so fascinated by ever since meeting her. Her eyes shone like the sun, and the same sparkle once again graced her pupils. She smiled at me and I felt extremely comfortable, almost as if I was meeting a very dear friend. While I did consider her more than just an acquaintance, I did not consider her among my close friends. At least…not yet, anyway.
I obediently went and sat next to her as she dismissed Tactician from the room. He didn’t look too happy to be disallowed from the proceedings, but he did as he was told. He turned and marched out of the room with his tail stuck high in the air. The princess and I couldn’t help but laugh a bit at how silly he looked. “Oh, Tactician,” Twilight breathed, “he really is an excellent general and he works well with my brother, but he can be so stoically serious!”
“Your brother, Your Majesty?” I asked with a cock of my head.
“Yes, Stony,” she responded, “my brother is Shining Armor. I’m certain Tactician mentioned him in my summons.”
“Er, yes, ma’am, he did,” I said respectfully.
She chuckled. “You don’t have to be so formal,” she said, “I was the Princess of Friendship for so long, I’m used to ponies simply addressing me by my first name in these private situations.”
Now I’m really intrigued, I thought to myself. How could a pony who was the ruler of all Equestria simply allow her subjects to treat her with such seeming disrespect? It seemed so out of place. But, I determined in my heart that I would never treat her poorly and I would always obey her wishes. If she wanted to be addressed as such, then that’s how I would do it.
“Where are you from?” She suddenly asked.
I had no answer, so I began doing what I did when Fluttershy asked me my name. My eyes darted around the room, looking for some kind of map. Suddenly, I caught sight of a globe that was resting on a small table nearby. It was turned to a place called Shire Lanka, and I figured that was as good a place to be from as any. “I’m from Shire Lanka,” I told the princess. But my lie felt like a punch to the gut, and my stomach churned. I realized that I hated being dishonest with the princess. But I couldn’t reveal everything to her now! Not with so many amazing things to be discovered!
“Shire Lanka?” She asked in puzzlement, “hm…I’ve never heard of anypony being born and raised there. Explorer ponies go there all the time, but you’re the first native pony I’ve met.”
“Yes, um…my mother and father were explorers,” I lied, “but they were killed a few months ago by bears!”
“Bears?” Twilight asked, “that’s horrible! I’m so sorry for your loss!”
“Oh, it’s okay.”
“Well, then, they must have been Equestrians, right?”
I realized that my small story about being from Shire Lanka needed even more leverage to be believable. I had dug myself into a hole, and the only way I could see to keep going was to continue digging. So I launched into an entirely fabricated family history, of how everypony in my family going back generations had been explorers there and had lived there and had died there. I finished with beads of sweat on my brow and she had a look of disbelief on her face.
“So…everypony in your family for fifteen generations has been there?”
“Yes, Princess.”
“And this is the truth?”
“Yes, Princess,” I said, hiding a sharp wince as I did so.
She sighed. “I’ll take your word for it,” she said kindly, “because that’s what friends do. The Elements of Harmony demand honesty, and I know you wouldn’t violate our new friendship by lying to me.”
I felt my stomach churn harder and my conscience was screaming at me to pry open my mind and deliver the truth. But my heart just wouldn’t allow myself to be honest. I needed to be with this pony, and learn all I could from her. As my mind wanted to be straightforward and find a way back home, my feelings became even bigger obstacles. They seemed to grow in opposition to common sense, and I soon fell under their spell. Little did I know it, but they would lead me through love, heartache, happiness, blood, and tears before it was all over.
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How I Fell In Love With A Pony
The Princess's Library and What Happened There
I spent the rest of that day wandering around behind Twilight. I am sure she thought of me as some type of annoying shadow that wouldn’t dissipate, but she kindly allowed me to keep pace with her. Her flowing mane was almost like a beacon of light to me, and the way she treated her fellow pony was inspiring. Whenever she saw somepony (at least, I think that’s how they said “somebody”) who was hurting, she would always take the time to stop and speak with them. Her words were always gentle and moving, and sometimes they even drove me to the brink of tears.
For instance, she came upon one of the cleaning ponies in the palace who was having a rough go of it, to say the least. She cried about how her husband had been murdered and she had miscarried their only foal. Her tears were many and honest. In my opinion, you can tell when someone is crying honestly because they aren’t wailing or screaming. Someone who is honestly broken will shed a lot of tears, but they will show their brokenness in their spirit. When you saw this mare, you could instantly sense that she had been yanked from a world filled with light and happiness into a world of chaos and despair. Her emotions were heart wrenching to observe.
But that’s when Princess Twilight stepped in. I was in awe as the ruler of an entire nation softly bent down and hugged her sad employee. She shed some tears of sympathy as she spoke words of kindness and encouragement. She took all the time in the world just to soothe one pony who might not have been treated with friendliness otherwise. My shock turned to joy when I saw the cleaning mare smile back up at the Princess, her blue eyes filled with thanks. You could still tell that she was in a great deal of pain, but you could also tell that Twilight’s small moments of amiability had paid dividends. The edge had been taken away and now the pain wasn’t quite so bad.
As we said a friendly farewell to the sad pony, I looked up at the ruler. “Excuse me, Princess, but…why did you take so much time just to calm her?”
“Because that’s what friends do,” Twilight responded simply.
She didn’t say anything more but left me to my own devices as we trotted down the carpeted hallway. I still didn’t understand why she had done that, but I didn’t really know anything about friendship in the first place. I had been friendless in my world, and other people simply saw me as just another neighborhood pizza delivery guy. But here, the ponies treated me with such kindness that I felt as if I had been a part of this society for hundreds of years. Could Princess Twilight actually have that amount of care for everypony? I thought to myself.
Twilight led me down the hall until we got to a certain doorway. Unlike some of the other doors I had seen, this one did not have an incredible amount of security around it. It was simply locked. But when I tried to open it, I found I could not do so. I tried again and again and Twilight giggled a bit at my futility.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she stifled a smile, “I don’t mean to laugh, but this door is specially sealed. It takes my magic to open it.”
With that, she waved her graceful head around a bit and a beautiful aura was instantly created. She softly touched her great horn to the door, and three magic talismans unraveled before us. When they fell from their places, the door opened and my eyes grew wide at the treasure trove that was revealed. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a great lover of the written word, and I suddenly found myself in my very own Valhalla. Row after row of books and other assorted literary works met my gaze, and I turned and silently thanked the Princess for showing me these things.
She smiled and silently led me over to a certain pedestal. On it rested the biggest book I had ever seen, and I fairly drooled over it. She chuckled and closed her eyes. She weaved magic over the book, causing it to turn its own pages as I observed. “Stony Tail,” she said to me, “since you are from Shire Lanka, you should learn all there is to know about Equestrian history and tradition. We hold these things in the highest regard, and I want you to remain here in Canterlot as my guest until I feel as though you are ready to be instated into Equestrian society.”
“A…are you serious?” I asked in disbelief.
“I’ve never been more serious in my life,” Twilight said as she opened her eyes and stopped weaving, “I want you to learn everything about us, our way of life, and how much we value friendship and The Elements of Harmony. One of which, I’m sad to say, you’ve already broken.”
Huh? I thought to myself. I didn’t even know what these Elements were! How the hell could I have already broken them? The entire scenario didn’t make one lick of sense, and I gave Twilight a confused look. I noticed then that her own look hardened and she sat on her haunches in front of me. She looked at the ground and then back at me. I could tell she was trying not to scream at me.
“Your Majesty?” I asked cautiously.
“I’m waiting,” she said patiently.
“For what?”
“For you to take responsibility for your dishonesty,” she said as her eyes glowed with an odd mixture of anger, understanding, and hurt.
“I haven’t been dishonest!” I protested, though I knew I was lying through my teeth.
“Yes, you have,” the princess responded gravely, “and as much as I want to be your friend, I know we cannot have a true friendship built on the false foundation of lies and mistrust. I know you’re not from Shire Lanka. If your family had truly been there for fifteen generations as you insisted, then other explorer ponies would have reported about it. As such, every explorer we’ve ever sent there has reported a desolate wasteland populated only by undiscovered creatures. Now, for the last time, TELL ME THE TRUTH.”
Her eyes burned with fire, and her mane itself began glowing. I cowered at her hooves, fearful that she might call on lightning to strike me down and end my existence. “Oh, please, Your Highness,” I begged, “I’m so sorry! I was dishonest! Please, please, forgive me!”
Her look immediately softened and her eyes turned from burning with fire to glowing with a warm love and understanding. She bent down and picked me back up on my hooves, and I stared at her. “I forgive you,” she said. I thought I would melt at her voice. It was so soothing. It still sounded disappointed in the path I chose to take, but it also betrayed her own sense of happiness that I had come back to my senses.
“Now,” she went on, “I want the truth.”
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How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Honesty, Anger, and The Beginning of a Tutelage
Have you ever seen those television shows that run during the daytime hours where they put people under polygraphs in order to test various things? If so, then you know exactly how I felt under the Princess’s stare. My legs were quivering beyond measure, and I’m fairly sure that the amount of sweat my pores squeezed out could have filled more than one Olympic sized swimming pool. My mouth had gone completely dry, and I knew that I was about to fail the Princess Twilight lie detector test.
I just couldn’t lie to her. I had to tell her the truth. Something about her eyes created an internal reaction that I couldn’t ignore. I didn’t know what it was, but it made me want to be a better pony in this world, and a better person in my own. I realized that I was destroying a potentially wonderful friendship with my own fabrications, and I didn’t want to continue. I had been defeated, and Twilight had barely said a word. I would later come to appreciate her love of honesty and straightforwardness, but at that moment, I was frightened. I had no idea what she would do to me.
I gulped. “I…I…”
“Yes?” She asked patiently.
I sighed in defeat. “Alright, here’s the truth. I’m not from Equestria at all, or Shire Lanka, or any of the places you might know of, Princess. I’m…human.”
Her ears pricked and she looked immediately interested. I couldn’t help but smile at the adorable nature of the entire scene. She gave a small cock of her head, and I thought that whatever part of me detects a girl’s cuteness was about to blow a fuse. She had gone from this regal and powerful mare to something of an inquisitive, curious filly in the space of a second or two. She smiled at me, and I smiled back, grateful that she had not called on lightning to kill me for my perjury.
“You…seem…interested,” I ventured slowly.
“Yes, I am,” she said, “because, although it’s been years, I have had extensive experience in the human world myself.”
“You have?” I asked as my jaw dropped to the floor.
She nodded cutely. “Some of my best friends are humans! Of course, they’re all carbon copies of the equines who populate our beloved homeland, but they’re still my friends!”
I nearly laughed out loud. Twilight’s cute display had somehow gotten even cuter. She had her eyes closed and a big smile had played its way over her face. Her mane was flowing even faster, and the sparkles that dotted it seemed to dance. She was so genuinely excited to meet someone from the human world who had fallen into Equestria that she nearly began prancing about the room. I suddenly realized that life would be wonderful if I could stay in that moment forever.
Twilight sighed as she reminisced about her time in my world. “I remember my first time in Canterlot City,” she said.
“Canterlot City?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yep! That’s where all of my human friends live.”
I looked at the ground. I had heard rumors of a place called Canterlot City, and of its deep connection with Equestria and Equestrian thinking. It was supposedly located in Antarctica somewhere, sheltered inside a giant bubble of pure magic. The people that lived there were allegedly extradimensional copies of the ponies in Equestria. Now that I knew Equestria was real, and Twilight would have no reason to lie to me, I quickly put two and two together.
“So it is real…” I muttered.
“What’s real?” Twilight asked.
“Canterlot City! There have been underground rumors of it, but nobody’s actually seen it. But now…when I get home, I’ll have so much to tell everyone!”
“Oh, no,” Twilight said, “you can’t tell any of your human friends about Equestria’s existence. It could threaten the lives of everypony.”
“But why, Princess? I mean, think of the scientific advancements, the cultural diversity…the interconnection of two entire species as friends!”
“Friends?” Twilight asked, “you don’t even know friendship! How the hay would anybody else from your world know it?! The only humans who truly understand it are those from Canterlot City, and apparently, they don’t interact with the rest of you very much.”
This accusation made a fire in me begin to stir. “How do I not know friendship?” I challenged, “I mean, I made friends when I came here, didn’t I?”
“You got lucky!” The princess thundered angrily, “Fluttershy represents the Element of Kindness, and if she didn’t have a soft spot in her heart for ponies like you, you would have died in The Everfree Forest! If the rest of my friends didn’t understand friendship on the highest level, then you would be friendless!”
We gritted our teeth and locked eyes. I had no idea what had happened to the sweet, kind, beautiful Princess, but I wanted her to return badly. Then there was that side of me that wouldn’t allow myself to be fazed, and so I began building a wall against her. “What’s there to understand?” I asked haughtily, “I mean, it’s just meeting people, or ponies, and getting along with them.”
She backed up a bit and for a moment, I thought she was about to burst into tears. Her anger faded and it was replaced with a deep sadness. She held a hoof up and her mouth was open. It quivered a bit as she silently drew that same hoof up to her heart. She looked as if she had seen a precious family heirloom fall to the floor and smash into a million pieces, and now she was trying to pick them back up again.
She gave me a look that tore my heart apart. “You, sir, have so much you do not understand about the true beauty and magic of friendship. You would dare to simplify it to such a ridiculous degree, and then unleash that simplification on somepony who actually does understand it.”
She stopped and her look softened before going on. “Thankfully, you have that same pony who can teach you how to understand it. As your punishment for being dishonest with me, I want you to do the same thing I once did: learn about what friendship is and why it’s so important. I want you to remain here as a worker in my castle, and as my student. You will learn the true values of the Elements of Harmony, and maybe then, you’ll truly become one with the power and magic of friendship.”
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Bright and early the next morning, I found myself back in the library yawning in the face of the Princess. She didn’t look too pleased at my lack of energy, but I had been up rather late the previous evening. I was picking my brain of a way to properly apologize to Twilight for my insolence during our aforementioned encounter. I knew that I had screamed one apology, but that didn’t feel quite right. Somehow a screamed apology when a Princess is glaring at you as opposed to a friendly, thought out apology just didn’t cut it. At least, not in my book. But every idea I came up with just sounded childish, and so I finally came to the conclusion that correctly apologizing to the ruler of an entire nation was damn near impossible.
But my mind just wouldn’t let it be, so I decided to just take a shot in the dark. “Princess?” I asked just before she began her first lecture.
“Yes?”
“I just wanted to say…I’m sorry I wasn’t straightforward with you yesterday. You invited me in to your home, and I acted like a brat. I know I already apologized once, but it felt really forced. I want you to know that I’m sincere.”
She smiled warmly, and I swore my heart skipped a beat. She stepped over and put a hoof on my shoulder. “I believe you,” she said kindly, “and I forgive you again. A friendship is built on the methodical representation and understanding of the Elements of Harmony. Though not official Elements, forgiveness and remorse are two of the strongest tenets friendships can have. I’m happy that you want to be sincere in your remorse and in your apology, so I wish to return the favor in my forgiveness. I will never stop forgiving a friend.”
Her smile seemed to dance on the canvas of her face, and her eyes had returned to having a warm, comforting glow. Her mane played with the air as it flowed behind her majestic head, and the crown that sat there shimmered in the morning light. She was truly a work of art to behold, and I was the observer graciously granted the privilege of viewing said work. But I also understood and respected her position. So, in an act of solemn reverence, I bowed to her.
She gently picked me back up. “There’s no need for that,” she said, “I’m not the kind of ruler who enjoys being bowed to. I know I have authority, and that’s all well and good, but these are friendship lessons. Let us begin behaving as friends, okay?”
I nodded eagerly and she went on. “Wonderful. Now, in order to properly understand the Elements of Harmony, you first have to understand where ponies came from. No matter where we are dispersed in this wide, wonderful world, we can all trace our roots back here. Equestria is the only country in the world where ponies are born and live together. Sure, other countries may have ponies in them, but none of them are exclusive to our species.”
She trotted over to the gigantic book she had shown me before and began flipping through it. “Our history is long and rich. It would take many years of study for you to properly understand it. Some pony historians work their entire lives on one era. But I’ll give you what I can in the time we have, and hopefully that will help you better understand friendship and why it is vital to Equestrian life.”
With that, she launched into a lecture on the history of her beloved homeland. I was enraptured by every story, from the time the Fire of Friendship was lit to the battles between former Princesses Celestia and Luna. The way Twilight spoke created scenes for me to explore, and her voice became like a ping pong ball, bouncing between different characters. She spoke of the War of Equestrian Freedom, when Celestia and Luna had led a tiny army against a much larger invading force and won a miraculous victory. She spoke of the adventures of the Legends of Equestria, who were precursors to the ponies that represented the Elements.
I was spellbound. She brought the stories to life in ways that I had never heard before. Even our human stories could have used the “Twilight treatment.” Her eyes flashed around the room as she recounted the tales, and I dug into every last detail. Hour after hour passed, and still she spoke and I listened. I began asking her questions about the different periods of Equestrian history, and she patiently answered every single one of them.
I think this was the moment when I felt the first seeds of romance begin to sprout in my heart. She was a sight to behold, but her mind was even better. I could have gotten lost in her eyes as she happily sowed her knowledge into the fertile garden of my soul. It was a beautiful experience, and it was one I wished would happen again and again. They say that males are always looking at the outside of our female counterparts, and while a lot of that is true, I like to think that we fall in love with the full package. Twilight was slowly becoming that full package, though I didn’t realize it quite yet.
When she finished, she realized that four hours had passed. “Oh, my goodness!” She exclaimed, “we’d best be moving on to studying our first Element of Harmony: loyalty.”
“If you don’t mind my saying so, Princess…that was wonderful!”
She gave me an odd look. “You enjoyed my lecture?”
“Yeah!” I said excitedly, “I’m a major history lover in my world, and you brought your own history to life!”
She smiled and once again, my heart skipped. “I’m happy you enjoyed it,” she said, “a lot of ponies wouldn’t have had the patience to sit there while I lectured for four hours. I’m impressed!”
Her eyes warmly grazed my exterior, and I basked in their glow. I found that a sense of happiness existed within those two orbs, and I didn’t want to leave. They had me entranced in their field, and I felt welcomed and cared for. She was my teacher, but she was also my friend. Considering that I had a major lacking in friendship back home, this was the first time I had ever experienced it on an equal level. Most of my so-called “friendships” consisted of me wandering after someone, trying to be friendly, but ending up looking like something of a parasite.
“There is something you must know before we continue,” Twilight suddenly said, “we have done our own studies on human beings…and I must say…”
To be continued…
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Author's Note
This chapter answers the question "what would happen if Twilight found out about human history?" It was probably one of the most difficult chapters I've ever written, but I was glad to be able to end it nicely and happily. Enjoy!
Two Sides to Every Story
Twilight couldn’t say anything more. She became choked up and I swore I saw her eyes cloud over. The mistiness spoke of her deep feelings about something, and she gulped her cries back down. She was trying not to weep in front of me, but she was failing in that endeavor. So I moved forward and put a comforting hoof on hers. I didn’t stop to think that I might be breaking some Equestrian statute about touching the Princess, but even if I had, I would not have cared. All I saw was my new friend hurting, and I felt compelled to help soothe the beast that had awakened inside her. She shivered a bit and then clasped my own hoof with her other one before whispering in my ear. “Thank you,” she said, “now please, come with me.”
She led me out of her library and back down the long hallways of the castle. The Princess’s sadness seemed to have cause the sun itself to grow darker, and things didn’t seem as happy and joyful as they had before. Even I was beginning to grow sad. The small buds of romantic feelings that had sprouted in my heart were growing, slowly but surely, and I couldn’t bear to see Twilight hurting. Every ounce of my heart ached for her, and I wondered what had caused her emotions to suffer such a tremendous setback. I didn’t say anything, but waited patiently for the answers that some part of me said were coming.
After climbing two flights of stairs, we arrived at yet another large door. Man, do they know how to build small rooms here? I asked myself before Twilight used her magic to open it. She stepped inside and then turned to me. “These are my private quarters,” she said, “I normally only let a few select ponies in here, but you need to see what we’ve been researching.” With that, she stepped inside and I followed suit.
The room was massive, with a few towering bookcases sheltering more of Twilight’s obsession with the written word. There was a huge four-poster bed sitting in the middle of the room, and a large stained glass window depicted Twilight’s graceful beauty as she weaved magic over Equestria. I saw ponies dancing together in her light on the left side of the picture, and sleeping peacefully under a blanket of stars on the right side. Between the day and the night, it became apparent that Twilight was not only the ruler of all, but also a friend to all.
“Wow…” I breathed in awe.
She turned back around and stepped up beside me. My peripheral vision indicated that she had managed a small smile through her sadness. “I see you like the new window,” she said, “my friends had it commissioned a while back as a coronation present to me and it was just finished last week. I think it’s a beautiful representation of just what the ponies in Ponyville mean to me, as well as everypony else. But, sadly, I do not believe that your race quite gets the concepts of friendship.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come,” she said as she beckoned me with a hoof. We walked over to where a large book sat on a pedestal. Its torn pages told of the wear of time, but the information it held was still valuable, especially to Twilight. “This is a book of human history,” Twilight said, “sent to me by my dearest human friend, Sunset Shimmer. On my last journey to your world, I made a small request for some human literature, and she was gracious enough to send some. But once I delved into your history, I began weeping. I wept until I could not stop weeping. Some of my aides had to carry me to my bed and I had to undergo a full emotional evaluation. But even through my many tears, I still kept reading this. I had to know…would humanity ever redeem itself? It seemed that, outside of Canterlot City, humans were despicable, disgraceful creatures! I mean, war, death, destruction, famine, poverty, corruption, murder, rape, the list of horrible things goes on and on! How can people do these things to each other?!”
She never showed a sliver of anger in her accusations, only a deep hurt and sadness that the wonders of friendship apparently did not transcend outside of Canterlot City and the surrounding bubble. She pointed with a hoof to a picture of a small man with black hair combed perfectly and a tiny mustache. He had his hand out in some kind of salute, and the people he was addressing saluted back. I shuddered as I recognized the photo and the man Twilight was pointing out.
“This man, Adolf Hitler! He put people into awful, horrific death camps simply because they were different from him! Did he not understand the fundamental concept that friendship is all about accepting and embracing differences?”
I wanted to tell her that Hitler didn’t understand basic decency, let alone the concepts of friendship, but she went on. She turned the pages until she pointed out another man in uniform, only he looked a little more stoic. “This man, Joseph Stalin! He forced people to live in horrible conditions, and put anyone who disagreed with his evil method called ‘communism’ to death! Did he not understand that friends can disagree and still remain friends?”
My heart was hurting, and I felt like weeping on her shoulder, because a huge part of what she was saying was absolutely correct. There were many humans throughout history who had committed evil and treachery. They had taken our race’s name and smeared it through the mud of time before beheading it and allowing the blood to taint our legacy. Now it was my turn to gulp back the cries, and I found it extremely difficult to do so.
Then she turned the page and there sat a bearded man. “Finally, this man, Osama Bin Laden, a man whose religious beliefs caused him to tell other men of the same beliefs to fly planes into buildings and kill people! Such horror! Such unspeakable, disgusting, despicable horror! What kind of being would premeditate it in his heart to hurt others? It just doesn’t make sense!”
She broke down crying, and I could tell that she wept for my entire world. She saw my race as cruel and ugly, bent on selfish murder and horrific evil. My own lip quivered, and I bent down and softly put my head on her shoulder. She turned and looked at me with hurt and disbelief painting her canvas. I sniffed a bit and fought back my own tears, because I realized that she had been reading a somewhat distorted picture of us.
“Yes…” I said, as I tried my best to comfort her, “…it doesn’t make sense. I could take you through the annals of our history, Princess, and tell you all about names that hurt and murdered others to get what they wanted. From the Pharaohs of old Egypt up to names like Che Guevara, Fidel Castro, Pol Pot, the current leaders of North Korea, and many, many others. There have been lots of human beings throughout history who have committed horrible crimes.” Here I stopped, and gave her a small smile. “But there have also been those who have fought back against those criminals. May I show you an example?”
She sniffed and nodded and we broke apart. My heart felt strangely empty without the feel of her soft coat, and I realized just how much I enjoyed being with her. I had only known her for a short while, but everything I had seen was causing those tiny buds of romance to begin growing ever larger. I used my hoof to flip through the pages until I found a picture of one of my subjects. He was a kind looking man, with short hair and the faintest hint of a mustache. Twilight looked down and I could tell she was intrigued by him.
“This is one of the greatest humans of all time,” I said, “his name is Martin Luther King Jr. See, he’s African-American and, back in the day, they were treated terribly, especially in the Deep South, where I’m from. They would get chased by police dogs, sprayed with the same fire hoses that were supposed to protect them, and forced to live in demeaning conditions simply because they were black, and others were white.”
“That’s awful!” Twilight said in shock.
I nodded. “Indeed, it was. But this man, Martin Luther King, took a stand against that racism and prejudice, and helped lead my nation of America into a new age where black people were treated with equality and respect.”
“So…does this racism, as you call it, still exist?”
“Unfortunately, yes, and it transcends races. There are vindictive, hateful people in every race, Princess. There always will be. Hell, I’ve been called some racist things by some hateful black people. It’s wrong, no matter who does it. Look, evil exists in my world, as I’m fairly sure it does in yours, and it’s not going away. But I choose to look at people like Dr. King and model myself after them. He made a famous speech in 1963 where he said that he hoped that people wouldn’t be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. That’s what I try to do. I will never hate someone because they’re different from me.”
“So…there are people in your world, outside of Canterlot City, who do accept differences?”
“Of course, Princess!” I said happily, “there are lots of people who are friendly and wonderful. Don’t let the mistakes of the few dictate your perception of us as a whole.”
I smiled at her, and she seemed to relent on her distorted view. She sighed and looked at the ground before suddenly throwing her hooves around me in a hug. “Thank you,” she said, “I needed to hear this. I realize now that my views were short sighted and narrow minded. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Princess,” I said, “there’s no need for an apology. A lot of what you said was right. But there are always two sides to every story, and I felt like I needed to show you a side of mine that was positive. There are many more like Dr. King, who fight every day to try and make my world a better place.”
“Maybe someday…I can go back to the human world and meet some of these people,” Twilight said, “if they’re anything like Dr. King, I’m sure they’ll be wonderful.”
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
The walls of the castle in Canterlot at first felt awkward to me. While it never felt much like a prison, it didn’t feel like home either. Home was where your family was waiting for you, desperate to surround you with love and warmth every time you arrived. Home was where your friends ached for you every time you went away. Home was where that one special girl waited with baited breath for you to return, and then threw her arms around you and tenderly kissed your face. Home was where they always said, “welcome.”
When I first began my tutelage under Princess Twilight, I did not feel as if I were home. But after our discussion about the merits and discredits of the history of humanity, I felt a twinge take place deep inside. I suddenly found the walls to hold a certain pristine beauty. But maybe that was only because the pony who occupied the palace held that same quality. I found myself eager to learn from her, because her mind was just as beautiful as her physical appearance.
As the days, weeks, and finally months flew by, she endeared herself into my soul. Soon I realized that I could not live without her, and those small seeds of romance that had been planted grew into strong trees of love. She made my heart skip more than a few beats with her magnificent smile, and the kindness and care with which she treated everypony was absolute. Oh, and I do mean everypony. From the richest of the rich to the poorest of the poor, stallion or mare, no matter the coat color, she treated all with respect, dignity, and grace. Through it all, her flowing mane continued to be a beacon of hope to me, and I came to cherish it as a symbol of all things good and pure.
Then, the castle felt like home. She became not only my teacher, but my best friend as well. We spent many a happy hour in her garden, discussing things. She poured her knowledge and love of friendship and The Elements of Harmony into my mind, and I fell in love with them. It was so utterly fantastic. A society built on the principles of harmony and embracing differences instead of falling hard on the sharp stones of collectivism and hatred? It was amazing to learn about, and I made many mental notes to enact these Elements in my own life.
She often told me that she was learning a lot from me as well. I was able to speak with her about different aspects of human culture, and she was astounded by it. I told her about the advent of modern transportation, the history of literature in my world, and many other things. I spoke of Edison, Einstein, Alexander Graham Bell, and many other inventors and scientists. We discussed our favorite authors, and I introduced her to many classic human writers such as Hemingway, Longfellow, Poe, and Shakespeare. I also introduced her to my favorite style of music, and poorly attempted to emulate Metallica, Slayer, and other metal bands. She laughed heartily, and I could only smile. That laugh had become like a warm nest for me to curl up in, and I happily took refuge.
One day, I was trotting through the palace, following a small note that the Princess had sent me. Since I was what they referred to as an Earth pony, I had to use my hoof to follow the trail. This was no easy task, considering ponies have no opposable thumbs or digits whatsoever, but my metacarpal challenge was met with some measure of success. I managed to find my way into a certain room, where I was shocked to see that balloons, streamers, and an entire mess of confetti had been tossed everywhere in a perfect example of organized chaos. I had lived in Equestria long enough to know that, where there was this type of smoke, a pink fire was blazing. Pinkie… I told myself.
“SURPRISE!”
Suddenly, a large group of ponies jumped out of the nooks and crannies. Even though some part of me had registered that this was coming, I still jumped. “Wow!” I said, “uh…thanks, everypony! But…what’s with the surprise? My birthday isn’t for months!”
“We know,” Princess Twilight said, “but this isn’t about your birthday.”
“It’s all about y’all graduatin’ from Twilight’s tutelage! Yer officially a bonafide Twilight taught friend!”
Their smiles were radiant as Twilight stepped forward and wrapped me up in an embrace. Her coat was warm and her aroma was breathtaking. I returned the embrace and felt her breath close to my ear. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered, “and thank you for teaching me everything I needed to know about humans. Now I feel as though Equestria can be mentioned in your world and I won’t have to worry about everypony.”
I pulled out of the hug and smiled up at her. “It was my pleasure, Twilight,” I said. I had grown a lot more comfortable using her name instead of her title, and I could tell that she was a lot more comfortable as well. “Thank you for teaching me,” I said honestly. She smiled and used her magic to float a small hat over to me and placed it on my head. “I now officially pronounce you my latest graduate,” she said happily, “your life is yours. You can go wherever and do whatever you wish, but always remember what I have taught you…and I shall remember everything you have taught me.”
I was suddenly surrounded by my friends, the ponies who had first treated me with kindness and love when I arrived in The Everfree Forest. Everypony was there, and I realized with a sudden sadness that I had more pony friends than I had human friends. I looked at the ground and back up at Twilight, and she could tell that I wasn’t exactly thrilled. She looked around at the group and stepped forward.
“Is something wrong, Stony Tail?”
I knew that now was the time for my secret about where I came from to be revealed. The rest of my friends did not know about my human origins, but it had come time to tell them. I took a deep breath and looked up at Twilight. “Princess,” I said, “you’ve taught me everything there is to know about friendship. I am duly grateful, and I am beyond excited to be graduating. But the fact is…I have more friends here than I did back in my home world.”
I noticed the looks on everypony else’s face begin to grow confused. “What other world, darling?” Rarity asked.
“I am…human,” I confessed.
Pinkie laughed. “You aren’t a human, silly! Twilight told us all about humans, and you don’t look anything like them!”
“Pinkie, don’t laugh,” Twilight chided gently, “he is a human. I’ve known and he’s known, but we felt it was best to keep it under wraps until the time was right. I guess Stony thought now was the correct time.”
Her look was one of approval, and I found myself basking in its glow. She seemed proud that I had picked an appropriate time to divulge this particular piece of information. The other ponies in the room, however, gave a mixed reaction. Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all smiled, welcoming me to their group. However, Rainbow Dash and Applejack looked stung at not being let in on things.
“Look, I don’t care that he’s a human,” Dash said, “but why weren’t we allowed to know?”
“It was best for everypony,” Twilight said firmly, “even you.”
“But why do friends need to keep secrets from each other?” Applejack asked, “it just don’t seem very honest to me; and I should know!”
“Applejack,” Twilight responded, “things were done for a reason. Ponies might have treated him differently. As much as I love our land and our friendship, even I know that not everypony lives by those tenets. I didn’t want him embarrassed or humiliated.”
“But we wouldn’t have humiliated him!” Dash protested.
“I know,” Twilight said kindly, “and I’m very thankful for that. It’s just that if you were to have told others, then they would have told their friends, and on and on until everypony knew. Things like this have a way of spreading like wildfire, and I needed to keep it close until Stony learned everything he needed to. Now I feel confident that he can address himself and other ponies and be secure in his human origin.”
I gazed with love at the pony who meant more to me than life itself. To think that she had thought so much of me made my heart leap. My eyes were clouded over with affection, and I began to unravel the mystery of my feelings. In doing so, I found a peace and a joy that I had not known before. It’s you, isn’t it? I asked her in my own head, the girl I’ve been looking for. The smart, beautiful, amazing woman that I’ve been racking my mind for years about. I don’t care that you’re a pony and I’m a human being. We will be together someday, I swear it. Soon, Princess, I’m gonna make my move, and this time, I am not going to be stopped. I…love you, Princess Twilight.
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Falling in love with a pony is a lot easier than most people might think, especially when you’re a pony yourself. It may seem a tad bit odd to be enamored with something that, in our world, lives on a farm and grazes the day away. But when that same being is colored in the most beautiful shades of lavender and can speak back to you and relate to you, it becomes very simple. They say love is complex, but I like to think that it’s very simple at the same time. It’s convoluted, yet, in a somewhat paradoxical, contradictory stance, it’s so easy to unravel. It’s a mystery whose answer is right in front of your nose, yet you take the longest and most winding of paths in order to find it.
As I sat there and waited with baited breath for Twilight to either accept or reject my invitation, my heart and mind pondered these things. It might have only been a split second, yet it seemed like an eternity. I forgot all about Rarity standing there along with any of the palace guards, and just focused on her. I was mesmerized. So far, the love I felt was very one sided, and I hoped to everything that she felt the same way about me. I knew that her acceptance of my small request didn’t automatically constitute a reciprocation, but it would lead to a glimmer of hope. Considering I had been rejected by every single woman I had ever tried to be with back in my world, a simple nod from her would have caused me to leap about the room in joyous celebration.
“Dinner?” Twilight asked, and then smiled, “I would love to.”
“A…y…really?” I asked in shock. My facial muscles became paralyzed and the only thing I could do was stand there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. Once again, I experienced the “stapled mouth effect,” only it was at the worst possible moment. I must have looked like a complete fool standing there with my mouth fairly duct taped to my chest. But then I noticed Twilight’s warm smile and the way she closed her eyes and stifled a giggle. Even her repressed giggles are cute! I told myself.
“Yes,” she said, “I would love to.”
My peripheral vision registered Rarity bouncing up and down, and then rushing forward and knocking me over. “YOU DID IT!” She squealed in delight, “I’M SO PROUD! I’M SO PROUD!”
“Rarity,” Twilight said through her smile, “you shouldn’t knock the poor thing over like that!”
“Oh, I can’t help it, Twilight! He had to muster up so much courage to ask you. I’m just so happy that he was able to do so!”
For me, the sparks of romance had definitely been lit and all of this just confirmed what I already felt. Twilight Sparkle, the leader of Equestria, had agreed to accompany me out for the evening. I wasn’t moving, but inside, I was bouncing along with Rarity. I could do nothing but stare at the ceiling and wonder what the hell just happened. Everything was coming to fruition beautifully, and then I suddenly realized that tonight was a big chance for me. I knew it would take more than one date for Twilight to be swayed my direction, but first impressions were very important. It would cause me to see the purple mare in a completely new light. True, it was her friendly nature and beautiful mind and body that had caused me to love her in the first place, but now I would get to see her in a more private, intimate atmosphere.
“Darling,” Rarity said, cutting into my thoughts, “as we came into Canterlot, I went ahead and booked a table for two at The Pizza Pony.”
“The Pizza Pony?” I asked as my face finally found itself again and I rose back to my hooves.
“Yes! It’s a delightful little pizza place down on Restaurant Row! It may not have Zesty Gormand’s three hoof rating, but it has Rarity’s seal of approval, and that’s something everypony can trust!”
“But…how did you know Twilight would say yes?”
“I didn’t. But I figured that it could be a good place for you and I to eat at if things didn’t go as planned. But they did, and I’m so very happy for you!”
I looked around and noticed that Twilight had disappeared. “Hey, where is Twi, anyway?”
“Oh, while you were on the floor in a state of semi-conscious catatonia, she went off to prepare for this special evening. I hope the two of you have fun! I must be dashing back to Ponyville now, but do be a dear and let me know how things go, hm?”
“Oh, don’t you worry, Rarity,” I said, “everything’s gonna be just fine.”
When Twilight returned, I was nearly knocked over at just how beautiful she looked. She was wearing a dress that matched her coat, and her mane had been done simply, yet stunningly. The crown that rested on her head seemed to shine even brighter than before, and the gold shoes she wore on her hooves did the same. Nothing was overbearing, but neither was anything lackluster. She looked fantastic, and I quickly stood beside her. “Shall we go?” I asked.
“Of course,” she responded.
With that, we left the castle and made our way down to Restaurant Row. Rarity had left me directions to The Pizza Pony before she departed, and I ensured that we arrived promptly. One thing I consider to be a major cause of disrespect is tardiness. I can’t stand it whenever I or someone else is late to an appointment, and I demand perfect timing of myself and others constantly. It might get annoying, but I believe that any good impression is lost if one is late.
When we arrived, the waiter showed us to the table, and I helped Twilight get seated. She smiled at me and my heart gave birth to even more butterflies. I sat right beside her, and the waiter bowed to the both of us. “Your Majesty,” he said, “it is an honor and a privilege to have you dining with us this evening.”
“The pleasure is all mine,” Twilight said politely, “and I cannot wait to eat! I hear wonderful things about your establishment all the time.”
“And, if I may ask, who is your companion?”
“Oh, this is Stony Tail. He’s a visitor to Equestria…from the human world.”
I nodded. Ever since I had graduated from Twilight’s tutelage, the word about there being a human in Equestria had spread fairly rapidly. But I was never treated wrongly by anypony, and I was asked many questions about where I came from and how humans lived. I was always happy to take the time to explain things, and I would have to quell my laughter when the ponies would whisper among themselves about humans.
“Well,” the waiter said, “it’s wonderful to have the two of you here. Our chef would like to have a word with you, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course not,” Twilight said.
“Wonderful! I’ll go and fetch him.”
So the waiter trotted off into the kitchen. Twilight and I were just getting settled into our seats and enjoying some of the delicious bread they provided when screams and yells were heard from that direction. Suddenly, a pony got kicked out and another pony followed them. He was of middle height, with a fiery mane and a blond coat. His cutie mark was a flame and a pitchfork shaped spatula. “GET THE BUCK OUT AND STAY OUT, YOU BASTARD!” He screamed, “IT’S A KITCHEN, NOT A PLACE FOR JOKERS LIKE YOU!”
It occurred to me that everypony in the restaurant had turned to stare at the proceedings, but then went back to eating as if nothing had happened. The blond pony slowly got his ruffled mane back into line and then trotted over to where we were. He bowed to the Princess and then nodded at me. “Welcome to my humble restaurant, Your Majesty,” he said with a thick Trottingham accent, “and may I say, you look stunning this evening.”
“Thank you, Chef Manesay,” Twilight said.
“And this is…?”
“Oh, this is Stony Tail, my date for the night.”
“Ah,” the chef said as he shook my hoof, “it is wonderful to have you here as well.”
“Thank you…Chef Manesay.”
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must return to the kitchen. But it is a delight to have the two of you here, and please, enjoy the evening.”
With that, he turned tail and was gone. He had barely been there two seconds, yet he had exhibited the smoothest behavioral transition I had ever seen of anypony. To think that he had fired somepony and then immediately turned up the charm and been gracious to Twilight and I. It was odd, to say the least. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like that, human or pony! I thought.
“Twilight…who was that?”
“Him? Oh, he’s Chef Gordon Manesay, one of Equestria’s master cooks. This is his latest venture, but he has 30 other restaurants all around the nation. I’ve eaten at most of them and I believe this is my 15th time meeting him. But he’s always been nice, and honestly, most of the mares in our country have big crushes on him.”
I could feel envy rising in my heart. “But…you don’t…right?”
“Me? Oh, no,” she said, “there’s another pony I am beginning to see as being very important to me.”
The way she smiled at me and the way her eyes dazzled and danced made my heart nearly collapse. It has to be me, I thought with excitement, it just has to be! She can’t be in love with somepony else! My mind was turning in circles, and I barely noticed when the waiter came by to take our order. I stumbled through something, but I managed to get out that we wanted a pizza with half spinach and half dandelions. Little did I know it, but that pizza would change my life forever.
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
The Most Beautiful Advice
Hm…let me think…how do I describe dating a royal pony? A roller coaster. Yep. A roller coaster of emotions and nerves and anxiety and sweat and…well…everything. Oh, our first date at The Pizza Pony went splendidly. The pizza was delicious, and Twilight seemed to enjoy every last bite. I adored the way she ate. She was mannerly, as you’d expect a princess to be, yet she also ate with great enthusiasm. She didn’t hide her feelings behind a mask of politeness and daintiness. She came right out and said that it was the best pizza she had ever tasted. I enjoyed my slices as well, but watching her have fun and enjoy living life was probably the greatest experience I’ve ever been fortunate enough to have happen.
Why did I say that pizza changed my life? Well, because from then on, Twilight and I found that our friendship grew extremely close. It was as if something in the dough or the sauce had caused a small fuse to light inside both of us, and for the next few weeks, we did everything together. Even after I began teaching at the School of Friendship, she would pop into Ponyville unexpectedly and surprise me. The way she did so often had me in a fog of love and my thoughts would get jumbled up in a soup of affection. She would giggle and then we would leave and go do whatever it was she had planned.
We never came out and said that we loved each other, but it was becoming rather obvious. We had known each other for so long and lived together for months in the castle, that we could read each other like books; and, if I may say, hers was the most magical and amazing book ever written. I found myself spiraling further and further into this wonderful, warm love that I had for her. I clamored to know her better as the days and weeks passed, and pretty soon, I decided it was time I confessed my affections.
With Rarity’s help, I selected one of the prettiest spots in Ponyville for that occasion. It was the rooftop garden at the school. With all of the fresh blooms and wonderful fragrances, I figured that it would be the perfect location for something so important. Rarity heartily agreed, and so the preparations began. We got Rainbow Dash and Princess Luna to help create the perfect atmosphere, with a beautifully vibrant moon and not a cloud to be found. Pinkie Pie helped by making some small treats for us to share, and Fluttershy asked the birds to softly sing from a tree nearby. Applejack and The Apple Family (whom I got along with wonderfully, considering our shared country roots) created two special thermoses of cider, and Starlight was put in charge of the entire affair.
It’s wonderful to have good friends assist whenever something like this happens, because you find that you’re a nervous wreck and can hardly stand to your hooves without wobbling and falling over. On the afternoon before I was set to lay everything on the table, as it were, I found myself on the floor at Rarity’s. “I can’t do it!” I cried, “I can’t do this! She’s so amazing and wonderful and…I just…she’ll never feel the same! I just can’t do it!”
“Sh…” Rarity soothed, “it’s alright, darling. There’s no need to force anything. Just tell her what’s in your heart, the same way you did before you two started dating.”
“Dating? We haven’t been dating. We’re just two good friends who enjoy doing things together, and we just so happen to be male and female.”
She helped me back up and gave me a look. “Darling, let me ask you something. Do you enjoy doing things with Twilight?”
“Of course!”
“Do you think she’s beautiful, charming, smart, and graceful?”
“Of course!”
“Do you love her?”
“Of course!”
“Do you feel like she feels the same for you?”
I looked at the ground. Of course I wanted to feel that way, but my mind was telling me that things weren’t going well. My heart and head were in a war for my consciousness, and I was the arbitrator between the two. Unfortunately, I wasn’t very good at my job, and neither of them were satisfied. I sighed as I realized that I had no answer for Rarity’s final question.
“I really don’t know, Rarity,” I said honestly, “I mean, when she looks at me, her eyes sparkle with kindness and friendship…but that’s the way they are with everypony! Her smile is affectionate and genuine, but again, she’s that way to everyone. How do I know? I mean, am I making the right choice here?”
Rarity put a hoof on my shoulder and smiled. “From the time you arrived in Equestria, you’ve been unsure of yourself as a pony. Even though none of us aside from Twilight knew you were human, you were always a little nervous. You didn’t understand a lot of things about pony life, but who was always there to explain them? She was. She never did so with anger or frustration. She did them with kindness and understanding.”
“But neither of us are perfect either,” I said, recalling our first fight over my dishonesty, and the other times we had argued. I remembered one particular argument about the proponents of the Element of Loyalty. I thought it was enough to just be around a friend every so often and call that Loyalty, but she harshly reprimanded me. It was as if I had deeply harmed her connection to the Elements. I had never seen such a fire blazing in her eyes. We got into a shouting match with each other and separated to different rooms. Then we were able to come back together, apologize, and return to our friendly ways.
“No, darling,” Rarity said, “nopony is. But when you first arrived, you worshipped Twilight. You kissed the very ground she walked on.”
“I never did!”
“It’s an expression, sweetness. You fawned over her. But now that you’ve known her for a while, you also realize that she can make mistakes. You’re both imperfect ponies…but the affection you have for each other is real. You both realize the flaws of the other and are willing to help with them. You’ve both grown in your friendship, and for me, her love for you is demonstrated in her patience with you. No offense, but you can have a short temper. I remember you yelling at Pinkie once when she played her Yovidaphone too loudly.”
I smiled, remembering that visit to Ponyville. I’ll never forget Pinkie’s deflated nature the next day, and I felt so horrible about things that I ran up to her, gave her a hug and apologized profusely. It was torture seeing the happy pink mare so sad. “Yeah,” I said, “I really messed up with that one.”
“But through it all, Twilight’s never once given up on you, nor have you given up on her. You’ve made mistakes, she’s made mistakes, but you’ve both come together regardless of things. That’s what makes your friendship special, and that’s what has cemented your love for each other. True, she might not have said it yet, but she never had to. Her actions over the past few weeks have spoken of a deep and gentle affection for you, and you do the same to her. Your bodies, hearts, and minds need to become one, and this is just the beginning of that. As I said on the day you first asked Twilight out, your heart will tell you exactly what you need to say. Be honest and truthful with her, and I imagine she will be the same with you. Your love is real…and there is nopony in the world who can stop it.”
I smiled and hugged my friend and wing pony. “Thank you,” I said as the tears came, “I needed to hear that. It was the most beautiful advice you’ve ever given me. I cherish our friendship, Rarity.”
“As do I, Stony Tail,” she said as she returned the embrace, “as do I.”
Author's Note
For those of you wondering why Princess Luna made an appearance in this chapter, all will be answered in tomorrow's entry. As always, thanks for reading!
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How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Confessing to Royalty (AKA My Nerves Are Shot...Again)
The moment was perfect. She and I were seated there on the rooftop of her beloved School of Friendship. Every inch of Equestria seemed a million miles away, and it was as if we were floating on thin air. The night was beautiful, and the shimmering beams of the moon cast their spell over the entire scene. The flowers seemed to pour forth more of their sweet fragrances than ever before, and Fluttershy’s bird chorus set the stage beautifully. We had eaten most of the delicious treats Pinkie had made, and the thermoses of cider were half empty.
Her eyes dazzled in the moonlight. They reflected the stars themselves, and I swore that some deity had created her just for me. Her beauty radiated around the roof, but it never seemed to escape anywhere else. Her lithe body was lovely to view silhouetted against the backdrop of the thousands of twinkling lights in the sky. Her mane seemed to flow even smoother than it once had, and her smile was breathtaking in the nightly atmosphere.
“It’s such a beautiful night,” she remarked, “only…I didn’t raise the moon. Who did?” When she asked this, her eye gleamed because she already knew the answer. She was simply looking for an explanation.
I chuckled. “Well, I got Princess Luna to help with that. She retained a small trace of her power after retiring and, though it took her a bit to do so, she managed to get it up there.”
“Stony, I want to thank you for this evening,” Twilight said, “this surprise nighttime picnic was just what I needed. Everything tonight has been wonderful, from the things Pinkie made to the cider from Sweet Apple Acres. But…you’ve never done anything like this before. Why now?”
I realized that the time had come. I tried to gather my thoughts and create some resemblance of coherence, but it was difficult to do so. With the most beautiful creature in the world staring back, I’m fairly sure even the world’s greatest orators would have issues creating sentences. I sighed and calmed my nerves a bit. Rarity’s advice popped up in my head. Your heart will tell you what to say…
“Twilight,” I said, “we’ve been friends for quite some time now. Everything we’ve ever done, we’ve done together. I can’t imagine being without you. I know nothing I can say could ever convey just how special you are to me. You…well…you light up my life. Every single day, I wake up and hope that just once, I get to be with you. Your kindness and compassion for everypony has enraptured me, and the way you rule with justice and integrity warms my heart. As someone who comes from a world where things like that are often in short supply, I can say with full knowledge that the importance of those things in a ruler are quite often underestimated.”
“I heartily agree,” Twilight said, smiling, “and I think I know where you’re going with this. But all the same…what are you getting at?”
I shivered a bit. Her eyes seemed to glow with happiness and love, and I melted at the sight. My heart was not only running a marathon, it was now the equivalent of comic book icon The Flash. I felt as if it would beat so hard that it would tumble out of my chest cavity and land at Twilight’s hooves. “I…I…” I stammered, “I love you, Twilight. I’ve loved you for a long time now. There’s just something about you and about our friendship that makes me feel happy and joyful. I’ve never been able to feel that with a girl back in my world, but with you…it’s happening. I’ve never been this close to a girl before. I know I may not be the most handsome stallion in Equestria, but my love for you is real, and it’s not going anywhere.”
I swore I saw her eyes moisten. Her lip quivered and ended up right back in a smile. She swallowed and bent down to nuzzle my head. I gladly returned the gesture, and my heart leapt for joy. She’s gonna do it! I thought, she’s gonna reciprocate my feelings! Finally! Finally, it’s happening! This must be what every other guy in the world feels like! I’m just so…elated!
After a good minute of nuzzling, she bent back up and softened her look even more. “Do you remember our first outing?” She asked.
“At The Pizza Pony?”
“Yes,” she said, “and if you recall, I told you a pony was beginning to steal my heart. That pony…was you, Stony Tail. I’ve never met somepony I’ve fought with or been friends with…or loved as much as you. Our companionship is strong, and our friendship has bent but never broken. At first, I didn’t wanna believe it. I thought it was some crazy idea. But then you kept proving to me that you did love and care about me. Every time we fought, you were always humble when we came back and apologized to each other. Every time we were apart, you were always bound and determined to return to me. As far as looks are concerned, you’ve grown more handsome in my eyes every single day. Stony, I love you too, and I promise I always will.”
She bent back down, but this time it was our lips that did the meeting. Her kiss was soft and gentle, just as she was, and I reveled in the feeling. Electricity shot up and down my spine as the gesture continued, and I found myself sitting on my haunches and wrapping my forelegs around her. She did the same to me, and we sat in each other’s embrace for a few moments more. When we finally broke for air, her smile was happier than it ever had been, and I saw tears in her eyes.
“I…I’ve never felt this before,” she confessed.
“Me neither,” I said, “but I love it.”
“Promise me something,” she said.
“What’s that, my love?”
“Promise me that, no matter where you go, I’ll always be in your heart.”
“I promise, Twilight,” I said as I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and nuzzled her head, “I promise…”
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Playful Banter & Serious Planning
That one moment on the rooftop of the school in Ponyville spread across Equestria and, before we knew it, we were inundated with letters wishing us well in our new relationship. I was shocked at the kindness and love with which this type of thing was accepted. I figured that ponies would be nervous about having one of their own involved in a romantic relationship with someone from an entirely different species. But while I was there, they saw me as just another stallion and they were extremely ecstatic. The newspapers wouldn’t stop covering us, and the amount of reporters who either dropped by the castle in Canterlot or my new home in Ponyville were tremendous.
But, as much as I enjoyed my job and my life in Equestria, I knew that my authentic one was back in the human world. So I began to pine for my old existence, feeling that being a pony wasn’t who I was truly meant to be. My problem was that I had fallen in love in this world, and I still loved Twilight. It was hard enough living in separate towns and not being able to see each other as often as we’d like, but the prospect of living in two different worlds was heart wrenching. She told me that she had a portal back to the human world in her old castle in Ponyville, and that she was going to offer the trip home to me as a present for graduating from her tutelage. But then the logistics of that entire proposition were thrown askew as our hearts intertwined.
One day, I was visiting my royal mare friend, and the conversation turned to the aforementioned trip home. “I want you to come with me,” I said bluntly, “I mean, what guy doesn’t bring his girl home to meet his parents?”
“Oh, Stony, darling, you know I want to,” she said, “but I must remain here. My responsibilities to the ponies of Equestria are of the utmost importance, and I cannot shun them. As much as I love you, I need to ensure the safety of everypony.”
“Don’t you have a vice ruler you can leave in charge while you’re away?”
She smiled. “I’m afraid not.” Then, suddenly, she took on a rather thoughtful look. “But…now that I think about it…Celestia and Luna did leave a lot of the more dangerous stuff up to my friends and I. They made the laws and helped ponies, sure, but there were times when they left the fate of Equestria in our hooves. Perhaps…no…no…I couldn’t…still, though…”
She looked to be deep in thought. As our relationship had progressed, I noticed that her eyes became less playful and more sage when her mind was at work. But then they returned to their playfulness, and the biggest smile I had ever seen from her shot across her face. “I’ve got it!” She said, “Starlight! She and Cadance can take care of things while I’m away. I need to get to your world, Stony, not just because I want to be with you, but because I want to learn! My thirst for knowledge never ceases!”
I had to stifle a giggle. She had begun prancing around like a filly, and it now topped my very extensive list of “cutest things Twilight’s ever done.” My heart filled with even more love for her, and I trotted over and grasped her. I kissed her cheek, feeling her soft coat against my lips. “You’re so unbelievably adorable,” I told her when I finished, “but you know that you don’t have to.”
“But I want to!” She responded, “I’ve been sitting on my rump for way too long!”
“In all fairness…it is a pretty glorious rump.”
“Stony Tail!” She said as she blushed, “come now! I am still the ruler of Equestria!”
“Yes, but you’re also my girlfriend, and the last time I checked, I’m allowed to make you blush.”
“Okay, okay, you got me,” she said, admitting defeat, and then giggling, “but you have a fairly wonderful rump as well.”
With our banter concluded, we came together in a kiss and then began planning our trip to my world. Twilight said that it would take a little power to run the portal, but most of it was done via magic. She had been able to bypass some principle when making the doorway. “You see, Stony Tail,” she explained, “magic works in a coordinated effort between dimensions in order to ensure the safety, well-being, and happiness of all the creatures that reside there. So far, in my studies, I have discovered another three dimensions filled to the brim with creatures. There’s a realm of dragons, a realm of Changelings, and a realm of Draconequi.”
“Draconequi?”
“The plural form of Draconeqeuuus, also known as what Discord is.”
“Oh…so that’s what they're called. Hm. Continue.”
“Anyway, since magic works in said coordinated effort to control the streams of time between the dimensions, all I had to do was manipulate it into a convergent flow between my world and your world, and I was able to bypass the postulate that one needs the moon to be in a certain area in your world in order to create an excursion there.”
“Uh-huh, but wouldn’t the space time continuum have an adverse effect on said excursion?” I asked, “I mean, after all, we don’t exactly have the due amounts of magic in my world needed to affect the trip.”
“But with the amount of Equestrian magic unleashed into Canterlot City,” Twilight explained with a gleam in her eye, “I was able to simply infuse it into the stream itself and create this convergent flow. It’s almost like a magical pathway through space and time.”
I fell in love with her even more. Her mind was something legends should be written about, and I found it incredibly attractive when she turned into her old, scientific self. The fact that she was ruler of Equestria was amazing enough, but couple that with her beauty and intellect, and she became astounding. I never saw her as perfect, though. Perfection is unattainable, and to be honest, I wouldn’t want the perfect girl. It would be such a tedious, monotonous relationship. I was perfectly happy with my imperfect Twilight.
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Author's Note
For those of you wondering what Stony's name is in the human world, this chapter might just answer your question. Happy reading!
Coming Home
My world. A place where trees grew, flowers abounded, and wonderful things happened every single day. A place where the sheer amount of loveliness was only counterbalanced by the unfortunate news reports we received nightly. “Our top story…someone was shot and killed today,” was one popular headline. Another was, “our top story…someone died in a dreadful house fire.” But I loved, and still love, my world, and I couldn’t wait to introduce the most beautiful creature in one world to the facets and ways of another.
The portal that we used was located in her old castle in Ponyville. It had been damaged from a fight with some villain named Grogar and his cronies, so it took her a few minutes to get it running again. But, ever the technological, scientific, and magical master, she was able to redirect the mystical stream of magic and time so that we could use it again. She stepped back and turned to me. “Are you ready?” She asked.
“I have a better question…are you?”
She looked a little nervous. “I am, but I cannot deny my anxiety. I’ve never been anywhere in your world outside of the bubble that contains Canterlot City, and I’m a bit worried at what I’ll find. Are you certain your family will like me?”
I put a hoof on her face and kissed her. “Twi…there’s no need to worry,” I said calmly, “if you’re the same wonderful pony you’ve always been, then they’ll love you. My parents are really easy to get along with. I promise.” She gulped, but the curious sparkle in her eye betrayed her eagerness to arrive in this new environment. I nodded, and she returned the gesture. Then we both trotted into the vortex.
When we were regurgitated out of the portal, and back outside the same fenced pasture where my adventure had begun, I immediately turned and looked at her. She was ravishing. She was probably my age, 23 or so, with the same long, flowing purple hair with the delicate trace of a pink streak hidden within. Being the first purple human in the history of our planet (outside of Canterlot City, that is), I noted that I was taking part in something historic. It gave my heart a jolt to know that the pony I loved more than life itself was standing in my world.
Her outfit was simple, yet fitting for her. It consisted of purple jeans, a lavender t-shirt that oddly bore her cutie mark on it, and a small black vest that wrapped itself around her shoulders beautifully. She wore shoes of the same purplish hue. But the thing I loved most about it were the thick rimmed glasses she now bore. I find that a girl wearing glasses is more attractive than the hottest supermodel and all of her makeup, glitz, and glamour. Why? Because the girl wearing glasses is more apt to show you her true self instead of the façade put on for a crowd.
I stepped to her and kissed her cheek. “You look lovely, darling,” I said.
She wobbled a bit and I put my hands on her shoulders to steady her. “Thanks,” she said, “I’m still trying to get used to being on two legs, even after both trips here. Now, then, how do we get to your home?”
I noticed that my car, which had been firmly implanted in the tree the day I went to Equestria, had been removed. But…so had the tree. Either I had done so much damage to the poor timber that it had to be removed, or some great bolt of lightning had done the same. All the same, the tree was gone, my car was gone, and we needed a way to my home. Considering that we were in the middle of the exciting city of Nowhere (population: us), that small molehill of a task quickly grew into a large mountain.
“Um…what are you wearing?” She asked suddenly.
I looked and saw that I still wore my pizza uniform. “It’s just what I wear when I deliver pizzas.”
“Fascinating!” She said in awe as she moved around me. I didn’t mind it. Any time her gorgeous purple orbs were fixated on me was wonderful. Once she finished her small examination, she stood up and came nose to nose with me. “You look so handsome!”
I blushed. “Oh, shucks, Twilight.”
“I’m serious!”
“I know you are, it’s just…you were rather cute when you said it.”
She smiled and kissed me, and then we turned and I held my thumb out to the road. “What are you doing?” She asked.
“This is called hitchhiking. When your car is gone…and the tree you plowed into along with it…this can come in handy. Hopefully, someone friendly comes along and can help us get home.”
After a few minutes of holding my thumb out, a yellow car happened along. They kindly picked the two of us up and I told some story about how my car had been towed and I didn’t have another way to get home. They were an older couple, but they were extremely compassionate. We jumped in the back seat and they drove us back to my house. They were a funny pair, with the man going on about how the state of dentures was in complete disarray, and the woman spoke with keen intellect about the merits of picking the correct grapefruit. Twilight and I could only look at each other and smile, thankful for the company of these two.
When we arrived home, we said our farewells and the elderly couple wished us luck in our relationship. “You know something?” She asked once they drove off.
“What’s that?”
“They never once mentioned that I’m purple. I mean, it’s broad daylight. They could see it, couldn’t they?”
“I think they looked deeper than the skin color and saw what I see.”
“Which is…?”
“Your beautiful mind and your amazing heart.”
She blinked as tears came to her eyes. She wrapped me up in a hug and we kissed deeply. I found myself entranced by her lips and her soft moans of love. When we broke for air, she nuzzled me a bit. “Thank you, my love,” she said, “I needed to hear that.”
“As always, you’re welcome, Twilight.”
With that, we turned and I led her down our driveway and up the front walk. She was completely enamored with everything, commenting on the shape of the house, the bricks that covered part of the front, and the siding that dominated the other half. My mom, being the aesthetical powerhouse that she is, had determined that she wanted this arrangement. At first, I thought it would look rather asinine and immature, but when it was finished, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it worked. The light grey siding meshed with the deep red brick perfectly, and the white columns of the front porch and deep red front door only completed the look.
We walked up on that same porch and I knocked on the door. When it opened, there stood my mom, a pretty middle-aged woman with blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and the same motherly nature I had always loved. Her mouth fell open, and she nearly dropped the dish she was drying. “Hi, Mom,” I said, “I know it’s probably been awhile…”
“JEFF! YOU’RE HOME!” She cried as she leapt into my arms, “BROCK! COME HERE! JEFF’S HOME!”
She wouldn’t stop squealing, and Twilight stepped aside to let her have a moment. My mother’s tears were many, and they stained the back of my bright red Polo. Her hug tightened, and I felt squeezed. I didn’t realize that my mother was so strong. “Mom…it’s wonderful to see you too…but, I can’t breathe!”
She immediately let go. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly, “I’m just so happy! We haven’t seen you in months! What happened?! Where did you go?!”
“I’ll tell you everything in a few minutes. But…where’s dad?”
As soon as I said that, my father walked into view and came and grabbed me in a tight hug of his own. He was a big man with a kind spirit, and though he might have been past the age of 50, he still worked many hours a week to provide for his family. His glasses gleamed as he squeezed me even tighter. “Dad…I…can’t…breathe!”
“Sorry, bud, but…we’re just so glad you’re home!”
Then, they both turned and noticed Twilight. They took on a bit of a surprised expression, but then they smiled at her. “Who’s this?” My mom asked.
“Mom, Dad…this is someone who has changed my life forever, and all for the better. She’s also someone who can prove that the story I’m gonna tell you isn’t a fabrication. It’s all reality. This…is my girlfriend, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Well, it is certainly an honor to meet you, Ms. Sparkle,” my mother said politely.
“Oh, please, call me Twilight,” my spontaneous significant other responded.
“Well, let’s all go in and get to know each other better,” my dad said, “I can’t wait to hear this story you have to tell us.”
View Online
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Introducing My Bookish Lover to the Parental Units
I would say that my parents experienced the “stapled mouth effect” I’ve referred to before, but that would be doing their reaction a disservice. When I told them all about Equestria and Ponyville and Canterlot and my adventures there, I swear their mouths shot through the floor and ended up in the basement. Their wide eyes and shocked expressions told the entire tale. They couldn’t believe that I had gone to a land filled with talking ponies, and that one of them was sitting in their living room.
“So…” My dad said to Twilight once his complexion and sanity returned to normal, “…you’re the ruler of this Equestria place?”
“Yes, sir,” she said politely, “I’ve ruled for about a year now. It’s been short, but it’s been fun. Hectic, and at times jarringly unexpected, but fun nonetheless.”
“You are dating our son, right?” My mother asked.
“Yes,” she said, “and I love him very much.”
She wrapped an arm around my waist and cuddled closer to me. I felt the warmth of her breath near my cheek, and she rested her head on my shoulder. In that moment, I realized that the small movements and tiny clues of love she gave were one of the big motivators in my affections. She did this all the time back in Equestria, and I was extremely happy to see that this part of her had transitioned into my world. I turned and smiled at her, and she returned the gesture.
“And I love her,” I said.
“But, son…she’s a pony,” Dad said bluntly, “I mean, no offense, Twilight, but we have a certain view on ponies in our world.”
“I understand,” she responded kindly, “and no offense taken. I know humans keep ponies as pets and livestock, and that’s alright. We keep livestock in our world as well.”
“You do?” My mother asked in surprise.
“Yes. My good friend Applejack owns a farm, and she keeps all kinds of animals there. I guess…we ponies live the same way you humans do, only we eat a lot more hay.”
Here she chuckled, and I could tell that my parents’ perceptions of her switched in an instant. She meant no harm to anybody in our world, and she only came because she loved me so much and she loved learning new things so much. Her laugh was genuine, and my parents seemed to hang on it. They’re falling in love with her laugh just like I did, I told myself, good. Maybe Mom and Dad will approve of this relationship.
“Well, considering that you are human here, and he would be a pony if he were there, I am completely satisfied with this,” he said, “and I’m proud to have you as our newest friend.”
They smiled at her, and she perked up even more. Her systems seemed to be back to the way they were in Equestria, and I could tell that she was very excited by the turn of events. After all of the horrifying things she had read about the history of humanity, the first few she had met in my world had been wonderful. I could almost see the wheels of her mind turning in her beautiful purple gaze, and she smiled back at my parents.
“Thank you for your kindness,” she said, “I wasn’t sure how you were gonna react to me. I mean, it’s not every day that a human male tells his parents he’s in a romantic relationship with a pony female.”
“We had always hoped our son would find a wonderful, kind, and sweet young lady to call his own,” my dad said, “and I believe our wish has come true.”
With that, Mom and Dad gave Twilight the customary tour of our home. They took her all around, showing off every last bit of the craft that they had poured their hearts and souls into building. I tagged along, wanting very much to see Twilight’s reactions to everything. She wasn’t visibly shaken by much, as a lot of this was customary back in her world, but her favorite thing of all was the garage and the vehicles that resided there. Considering the lack of cars back in Equestria, she was awestruck by what she referred to as “motorized carts.”
“It’s fantastic!” She said, “the idea that motion can be made perpetual through the use of mechanized units! I’m shocked nopony in Equestria has thought of this! I mean, we do have our fair share of brilliant minds.”
“Yours being one of them,” I complimented lovingly.
“Oh, stop,” she said, blushing, “I know there are minds out there that are way more brilliant than my own.”
“That’s not what you said at Trivia Trot last Tuesday…”
She coughed and cleared her throat as I reveled in getting to make her blush once again. I didn’t do it out of meanness or a want of embarrassing her, I just loved it whenever her cheeks turned that cute shade of red and she ran a hand through her hair (or hoof through her mane, depending on the world). I quickly caught her and kissed her cheek, trying to reassure her that I wasn’t attempting anything spiteful. “Was that too much?” I asked.
“No,” she said, smiling, “I know you enjoy making me blush.”
“Then this should make you blush even more.”
With that, I pulled her into a kiss in front of my parents. I could feel her cheeks becoming flushed with color once again, but she pulled me ever deeper. When we broke for air, I turned back and noticed tears hanging in my mother’s eyes. “Oh, my little boy,” she choked out, “I remember…when you…were…only…ONE!”
With that, she broke down and began sobbing into my father’s shoulder. He patted her back and tried to console her. Twilight and I both stepped forward, and she pulled out and looked down at us before wrapping Twilight up in a hug. “Thank you,” she said, “you don’t know what your love is doing to our son.”
“I hope it’s all good…” Twilight said nervously.
My mother pulled back and looked at her. “It’s marvelous!” She said happily, “you see, he’d been rejected by all the girls he’d ever asked out. You simply agreeing to go out with him once probably broke through a lot of social anxiety that he’s felt for so long. But now, to see him happily loving someone…it just…makes me…so happy!”
She smiled at both of us as we all went back inside our house. The rest of the day was filled to the brim with Twilight constantly questioning me about the things of my world. Everything from American politics to American history to movies to literature to music. If it was based in my world, she wanted to know more and more about it, and I was happy to help feed her ravenous appetite. She flipped through a lot of the books that lined my own walls, and we once again rekindled our discussions about the written word. Many a wonderful evening had been spent in her library, and now I got to introduce her to mine.
After dinner (which Twilight raved about, calling my mother’s homemade spaghetti sauce the best thing she’d ever tasted), we settled in to watch some television. My favorite sports team, the Atlanta Braves, was playing and Twilight was intensely interested in it. “So…” she said as the first inning began, “…the main object of this game is to hit the ball with the bat and then run the bases.”
“Right,” I responded, “and if the ball gets from one defender to another before you touch the base, you’re out. Once three outs have been recorded, then the teams switch sides.”
“Fascinating!” She said with her eyes wide.
As the game progressed, she turned into the biggest Braves fan in the world. One of our players, third baseman Josh Donaldson, hit a really long home run. The fans in the stadium went nuts, and so did Twilight. She whooped and hollered and I fell in love with her all over again. These simple things, I told myself, that’s what makes me love you so much. Your love of anything that can bring you knowledge and joy, coupled with your wondrous friendship, is truly ravishing. You have amazing physical features, but…your heart is what is truly beautiful. I will be with you always…I promise.
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
An Invasion of Privacy (AKA A Media Frenzy)
My parents had Twilight and I sleep in separate rooms that night. They were big on premarital abstinence, and they were insistent that, while we were in their home, we would acquiesce to this one request. We accepted, and I kissed Twilight goodnight before going to sleep. The bed was soft and comfortable, but I couldn’t wait to be able to hold Twilight next to me all night long. We had never slept together, partially because Twilight didn’t want any negative things spreading around Equestria, but also because I wanted to wait until we were married before doing anything like that. I wasn’t as against it as my parents were, but all the same, I did not wish to treat Twilight as a sexual object. I loved her with all my heart, and I wanted to commit my entire life to her before doing something that would lock our bond forever.
Speaking of marriage, I had been considering my proposal for quite some time. But none of the scenarios I thought up were just right, and I was beginning to bang my head against the metaphorical wall. How the hell do I ask her? I asked myself, she’s so beautiful and wonderful! The moment needs to be absolutely spot on, but…I just can’t think of anything. In frustration, I got up from my bed and noticed that the sun was beginning to peek over the tops of the trees. I figured that the rest of my family would be up fairly soon, so I quietly left my room and availed myself of the facilities. Once that was completed, I went into the kitchen and found my mother busily making breakfast.
“‘Morning, Mom!” I said cheerily.
“Good morning, Jeff!” She said happily, before hugging me. “It’s been quite some time since we’ve been able to hear you around in the morning.”
“Yeah, and it’s great to be home.”
I could smell the turkey sausage my mother was busily frying, along with the eggs. There were biscuits aplenty baking away in the oven, and the aromas were intoxicating. I also noticed the big pan of delicious gravy she was making to go with the puffy delights. “Mm…” I said, “biscuits, gravy, eggs, turkey, what did I do to deserve this?”
“You came home,” she said simply.
I was just about to hug her again when I turned and looked out of our front blinds. I gasped as I noticed a news crew getting set up on our lawn! Since my four-year bachelor’s degree was in broadcast journalism, I noted every single thing they did. They set up cameras and all that, but I could tell that they weren’t doing preshow shots for a standard voice over segment or a news package. They were getting ready to go live right on the spot! The reporter, a young woman, was given a handheld microphone and being told where to stand.
I immediately raced to the door and threw it open. “Hey!” I said, “just what the hell do you think you’re doing?!”
She turned and started a bit, but then smiled. “Hi,” she said smoothly, ignoring my question, “I’m Jennifer McPherson with WYAL-TV. We’re just here to ask you a few questions. But my first one is…is she awake?”
“She?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes!” Jennifer replied, “your girlfriend! The ruler of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle! You two have become overnight sensations. You’ve already got thousands of fans!”
“Fans?!”
“Yes, Mr. Johnson, fans! Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the entire social media universe has been lit up! NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, FOX News, and every major newspaper and media outlet in America is headed this way!”
Once again, I experienced the “stapled mouth effect.” I immediately shut the door and locked it, fearful that one of the ravenous reporters might try and get in. More cars began piling up outside of our small country home, and for the first time in quite a while, I became genuinely frightened. I raced into the guest room where Twilight was sleeping and gently prodded at her. “Twilight, sweetie?” I asked gently, “are you awake?”
“I am now,” she replied groggily. She didn’t look too pleased at having her peaceful slumber interrupted. I understood her feelings perfectly, and I hated to do it. But at the same time, we were about to have the entirety of the American media machine on our front doorstep! We needed to find a way out of this, and we needed to think rapidly. Otherwise, we were going to be on the front page of every newspaper from Atlanta to Detroit, and from New York City to San Francisco!
“What is it, baby?” She asked as she opened her eyes. I was struck by just how pretty they were with the light glinting off them. But she quickly squinted and I moved so she didn’t have to look directly into the blinding emanation.
“Listen, Twily,” I said, using a nickname reserved for only myself and Shining Armor, her brother, “there’s been an…incident.”
“What kind of incident?”
“You know how we have television in my world?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, the entire conglomeration of American news and other assorted media are going to be on our front lawn in less than an hour.”
She immediately sat up. Her eyes were wide and I noticed her lip quivering. She was in no condition to address anybody at that point in the morning, and I could tell that her mind was working on what to say to appease them. Anybody who knows reporters knows that getting a story can drive their actions, and sometimes those actions can be quite irrational, or even unexplainable. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy with the turn of events.
“Maybe we should just jump in my mom’s car and head back to the portal,” I suggested.
“No,” Twilight said, “I am a princess, and the ruler of a nation. I deal with the press all the time. I’m not scared of anything, and I’m not gonna run away. Just give me a few minutes to make myself presentable, and then I’ll address them.”
I smiled at her. Not only was she beautiful and smart, but she was brave and confident as well. I found that falling in love with her wasn’t something that I ever ceased doing. Whenever I felt like I had reached the peak of our understanding of each other, like there was nothing else to be discovered, I found an entirely new dimension to her. She didn’t have three, four, or five dimensions. She had about thirty or so. But that was why I loved her. She was so multifaceted, and could handle situations thrown at her on a whim. She could go from a staunch princess to a kind friend to an angry mother defending a foal that was not her own to a peacekeeping negotiator in a matter of seconds.
I couldn’t help but kiss her. She gladly returned it in full and then smiled. “What was that for?”
“For being you, my Twilight,” I told her, “for being you.”
Author's Note
For those of you wondering how the two became overnight sensations, I'll be answering that in the next chapter. Happy reading!
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
How We Became Media Darlings
I have a little brother. I would end the chapter there, and let you figure out the rest by just reading the title and that one utterance. But since this forum, and all others like it, demands that I write more than that (and I demand it of myself), I’ll tell you more. He was one of those people that you meet and his personality sparkles. He can be a very avid little social butterfly when he wants to be. But then, you begin digging deeper into his life and you find that he’s actually very quiet…ANNOYINGLY quiet. He would shut himself in his room, and not come out even if the house itself were to catch fire. It could burn down around him, with the rafters coming down in a shambles and the sheetrock turning to ash, and he’d still sit in his chair, at his desk, either playing the latest soccer related video game or jamming out on an acoustic guitar until God knows how early in the morning.
But he was also very devious. The quiet people, I’ve begun to notice, are catalysts for the insane and the depraved. They sit there, minding their own business, and then they cause some irreparable damage to something. It seems like a lot of news stories begin with “the cause of this was a human being whom authorities say did not speak much.” I mean, I consider myself a rather quiet individual, but I would never consider harming another person! Come on! We quiet folks have to have more sense than that!
But, I’m rambling. My brother, Chad, would do things to try and upend my life. But this…was the topper. The ultimate prank. The gunshot to the final foothold that our siblingship was desperately clinging to. To this day, I still can’t believe he did it, but he went online and posted everywhere about how I was dating the ruler of Equestria. Since the rumors of that land actually existing had been bubbling in the scientific underworld for quite some time, it quickly blew up. It was shared hundreds of thousands of times, and the picture he had secretly taken of us and posted garnered millions of hits.
“CHAD!” I screamed in a rage after nearly breaking the door to his room, “HOW COULD YOU?!”
He smirked. “This is for all the times Sarah was over and you wouldn’t leave us alone.”
I sighed as I felt the edge taken off my anger. Sarah was Chad’s significant other, and it had become common knowledge that I was envious of them. Since I had never been in a relationship before Twilight, I had often looked at them with a pained expression. I wondered what it would be like to be able to be that close to a girl. I became angry and frustrated with my life, and so I decided to make their time together as miserable as possible. I would blare Slayer from my room whenever she was over, and I would try and pester them by being as noisy as possible. Now that I look back at it, it was an incredibly immature and disrespectful response, but in those moments, my envy devoured my common sense.
“Look,” I said as I tried to calm myself, “I’m sorry for that, alright? But Twilight’s new to this world, and she can’t be answering to the press just yet!”
“Okay, in my defense, I did not plan on the entire news world parking on our front lawn this morning!”
“No, but you need to think of these things before you go wildly posting about on the internet!”
I stormed out of the room, fit to be tied. I could not believe that Chad would just blatantly violate Twilight and I’s privacy like that. The last thing I wanted was for us to become celebrities or famous. I just wanted a nice, wonderful romance that was special because only a few people knew about it. I didn’t want the entire world to be let in on what we were doing. Next thing I know, they’ll be covering what Twilight had to eat for breakfast! I thought in frustration as I hurried back to the guest room.
When I arrived, it was oddly empty. I couldn’t find Twilight anywhere, so I left there and went out to our front porch. Once there, I found the Princess regally standing before the mob of reporters and photographers that had decided to plant themselves on our front lawn, much like the massive amounts of roses in my mother’s flowerbed.
“Yes, I’ll take your question first,” Twilight said, pointing to a reporter in a wide brimmed hat.
“Charles Peterson, ABC Television,” he replied, “is it true that you are, in fact, a pony and the leader of a magical land of talking ponies called Equestria?”
“Yes, it is,” Twilight said with complete confidence. Her eyes sparkled in the morning sun, and she seemed genuinely excited to field all of the inquiries. I felt my frustration begin to fade, replaced by the warm glow she exuded. She had obviously dealt with this kind of thing before, even though they had no television in Equestria and everything was done via newspaper. The cameras were focused directly on her, and she smiled into the lenses. She’s got this, I thought, there’s nothing to worry about.
She quickly pointed to another reporter and she stood up. “Erin Johansson, NBC News,” she said, “some sources have said that your land is built upon something called The Elements of Harmony. Do they exist and, if so, how does that affect Equestrian politics?”
“They are very real,” Twilight said, “and they affect everything in Equestria. From how we treat each other to different royal celebrations. Each Element has a specific purpose in driving the wheels of friendship and trust, and we are deeply honored and privileged to be able to continue the longstanding tradition held within them.”
She spoke with eloquence and dignity, so much so that it nearly drove me to tears. Her voice was smooth as silk, yet had the same thunderous edge that it always had. It bequeathed her with a sense of sovereignty, but it did not put her out of reach of anything or anyone. She was extremely personable for being royal, which was one of the many things I loved about her. I just continued to be reminded of my love for her and why I had begun having these feelings in the first place.
Suddenly, a hand shot up from the back of the crowd. “Yes, you there?” Twilight asked.
“I don’t have a question!” A rough female voice shouted, “I have a statement!”
She sounded intensely angry, and Twilight was taken aback a bit. But she quickly regained her confidence and looked her assailant dead in the eye. “Yes, if you have a statement, I’d be very happy to hear it.”
“My name is Stephanie Jones,” the young woman replied, “and I am a proud feminist and animal rights supporter! I am a member of PETA! My statement is that this is all wrong! It is bestiality, it’s depraved, and it’s sickening! Not to mention the fact that it’s 2019, and women no longer need men in their lives! Stop sucking off of him and come running to the pure fold of our shared sisterhood!”
I looked at Twilight. She appeared to be deep in thought, and I could tell that these accusations were testing her extremely. But she straightened up and quickly regained her confident look. You’ve got this, I silently told her, and I’m with you all the way. Come on, my love, make this happen. She looked up at the verbal attacker and opened her mouth to reply.
“Ms. Jones,” she began, “I-“
To be continued…
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
In that moment, time seemed to freeze. The morals and ethics of the leader of an entire nation had been called into question spitefully by one person. Before Twilight straightened back up and responded, I noticed the gears of her brilliant mind turning. Their sprockets were completely interlocked and they tossed and tumbled about until she found her answer. She never dropped her confident look, but she did betray a split second differential between normalcy and complete confusion. But it was only a split second. The rest of the time she looked as regal and confident as she ever had.
I had faith in her, though I wasn’t sure how she would respond to the blunt accusation. Questions began forming in my mind as well. Is what we’re doing right? I asked myself, I mean…she’s a pony and I’m a pony in her world, and she’s human and I’m human here. So…it doesn’t feel wrong…but it certainly begs a lot of different interrogative statements. Once again, I found that my heart and mind were battling over my very consciousness, and I was caught up in the middle of it. This time, my heart won out fairly easily. I don’t care, I thought, they can call us wrong all they want. I love her, and that’s all that matters. I don’t care that she’s a pony in one world. She’s more human than a lot of actual humans I know!
“Ms. Jones, I believe that everyone has a right to voice their opinion, no matter how constructive or destructive it might be,” Twilight said eloquently, “but tell me, why do you find our relationship so wrong?”
“Because you’re a pony and he’s a human! In our world, people go to JAIL for having sex with animals! He wants to do so, and the entire world has begun treating him as royalty! I want answers, and I want them now! I mean, don’t you care that he’s taking advantage of you? You’re a poor, helpless pony! You can’t speak for yourself…at least…not here.”
Twilight smirked. The assailant had stumbled over her words and gotten in her own way. She hadn’t stopped to realize that Twilight was both a human and a pony, and she could damn well speak for herself. She had Stephanie Jones cornered, and I watched with pride as the love of my life went in for the verbal kill. She knew exactly how she was going to respond to the argument, and she said it clearly and concisely. She never once screamed or left her sanity behind. She was as calm as ever, but her words were sharp as a knife.
“I can’t speak for myself?” She asked rhetorically, and then promptly answered herself, “On the contrary, I can speak for myself, both in this world and in Equestria. I do NOT need your assistance in speaking for myself, Ms. Jones. While I appreciate your concern, I am in love with Jeff, or Stony Tail as he’s known back in my world, and I do NOT need your approval, nor anybody else’s to say so. I don’t care that we’re different. That’s what makes our relationship so beautiful! We are so different, yet we’ve been able to come together and love each other no matter what.
I did a lot of studies on human history after my first two visits to your world, and I found that every human I read about was worse than the previous one. Names like Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Hirohito, Pol Pot, Guevara, Castro, the entire leadership of some place called Venezuela, and many more were thrown into my head. I gained the distorted perception that all of humanity was filled with beings who wanted to hurt, kill, starve, and destroy everything and everyone else. I wept tears over these humans, because I thought that they could never be brought to understand the true power and magic that friendship contains.
But then…Jeff came along and opened my eyes to the wonderful things other humans had done. He showed me how many humans had stood up to the bullying and power hungry nature of others, and it warmed my soul. Oftentimes, I found that these other people did not receive as much coverage in the history books as the evil and corrupt people did, and I was glad that someone was able to open my mind and reverse my views.
I surmise, Ms. Jones, that you also have a very narrow minded view of your fellow human being. You said you were a feminist. Tell me, what does that mean to you?”
“It means I stand up for my fellow sisters, and march when I feel our rights are being infringed upon!”
“Okay, and what about the rights of male humans?”
“THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS!” Stephanie screamed in white hot anger, “All they do is sleep with us, and then tell us what to do! They think we’re baby factories and nothing more! Marriage is a dead institution, and it needs to be! No woman needs a man, and you certainly don’t need that putrid pile of crap standing next to you!”
“You’re right about one thing,” Twilight responded with a gleam in her eye, “I don’t NEED Jeff in my life. I WANT him in my life, right alongside me. He’s never once treated me as a ‘baby factory’ as you so morbidly described it. I can feel his love every time he looks at me, and every time he speaks to me. It’s not just the physical actions that speak of his love, it’s every little thing he does. I’m sure he feels the exact same way about me.”
She looked at me with love, and I felt my heart gush open. I certainly did not see her as an object or something that could only produce offspring. I saw her as a complete equal to myself. I saw her as being charming and smart and beautiful, but I also saw her in the times when she was broken and down. I also knew she saw me in the rough times, and we were there to build each other up and make each other stronger. I returned her loving look and she turned back to her address.
“I feel like you’ve been hurt by some of the men in your life, Ms. Jones,” Twilight said with compassion and empathy dazzling in her eyes, “and that’s why you are reacting with anger and a cold heart. Perhaps I can show you what reacting with friendship is like.”
Stephanie couldn’t respond. Her face fell and her anger melted away under Twilight’s sympathetic gaze. The last thing she expected was for the princess to treat her with such kindness. She gulped and dropped the small picket sign she had been hoisting up with great gusto ever since the proceedings began. “I…I…”
Twilight smiled and got off the porch. She walked through the mob of the press and embraced the surprised activist. Stephanie didn’t know what to do. Her shocked expression told the entire story. Twilight backed away and smiled before turning to address the crowd. “I understand the concept that things like anger and hurt and hate will always exist. But I also understand the concept that friendship is a powerful weapon against these things. True, sometimes friendship doesn’t work. Even I understand that it cannot solve all problems. But in these moments, I feel like it’s the best thing we can turn to.”
Her smile was exuberant, and the flashes of the many cameras that lit up only exalted it. It wasn’t a fake smile, oh, no. It was a smile I had seen many times. It was the same smile she had used on the cleaning pony who was having a rough go of it. It was the same smile she used when she bent down to comfort a random foal who was crying. But most of all, it was the same smile she used when she first kissed me and told me of her love. It’s time, I told myself as I stood there blinking tears from my eyes, tomorrow…I’m going to propose.
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How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Proposing to Royalty (By This Point...My Nerves are Dead)
Author's Note
Hey, everyone! I hope you've enjoyed this story! While this isn't the final chapter, I will be posting the last two chapters a little later today. It's time to put this story to rest and begin the next one! But I just wanted to say thank you for the terrific response, and I'm glad so many of you have enjoyed it. Happy reading!
Proposing to Royalty (By This Point...My Nerves are Dead)
Did you ever have the feeling that millions of tiny bees had gotten into every pore of your skin and were buzzing about as loudly as possible? That was my feeling the very next day when I decided that, after weeks and months of dating her and loving her, it was time to ask her that very special of all questions. I don’t even have to say it, yet it probably brings tears to most people. It’s a beautiful, yet solemn occasion and, like most good boyfriends, I wanted the proposal to be absolutely perfect. So I didn’t tell anyone about it. It was a complete and total secret, classified to the point of government levels.
It was a beautiful night in my home state of Tennessee. The moon glowed down upon Twilight and I as I took her on the walk that, I hoped, would change both of our lives forever. The trees around us were touched to a silver, and it looked as if Mother Nature herself had some sense of romance as well. The leaves gently blew in the soft wind that swirled around us, and the flowers seemed to drink in the beauty of the evening. Everything was going according to plan, and the uncontrollable forces of the world seemed to be cooperating with me.
We finally reached the top of a certain grassy knoll. I loved coming up here alone when I was younger, because it afforded me the chance to write and think without any interruptions. It was just me, a pen, some paper, my laptop, and the endless expanse of the beautiful firmament stretching wide and high above. I had come up with some terrific things up here, but I had also come up with some really disappointing things. When I would share them with people, they weren’t subtle about their thoughts. Whether it was a delightful smile or an awkward cringe, their expressions told the entire story. I found that lying lips could be found quite often, but one almost never finds a face that’s infallible.
I made certain that the rocks and other debris tossed about by the natural course of time were not in our way, and then we took a seat. Twilight leaned her head against my shoulder as we both enjoyed each other’s company. “You know,” I said, “this place is incredibly special to me. It’s where I first learned the value of being friendly to my fellow human. But…it took a very special pony to teach me what true friendship was.”
She smiled at me. “I was happy to do it. I just didn’t think I’d fall in love in the process.”
“How long?”
“How long…what?”
“How long did you love me before we became an actual couple?”
She smiled sweetly and looked at the ground before gazing back at me. Her purple orbs danced in the light of the moon, and I knew that this was the right place and the right time. “Well,” she responded, “I didn’t realize it at first, but when I began to see the importance of having you in my life, then it happened. I remember the last Hearts and Hooves Day, about a week before you arrived in Equestria. It seemed like all my friends had somepony special to share it with. I didn’t recognize how lonely that huge castle in Canterlot could be until I was truly alone within its walls. Everypony else had left, except for some guards, and I sat on my throne the entire day, wishing for something that I never thought I could have.”
“What do you mean?”
“I never thought I’d ever find romance. I always thought I was too boring and bookish and that the stallions would go for mares who were more daring or beautiful. At first, I didn’t care because I had Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and all my friends. But now that Celestia and Luna are retired, and Cadance is always so busy and I’m living in Canterlot…”
She didn’t need to finish her story. I could hear her voice begin to break and I wrapped her up in a gentle embrace. I wanted her to feel me near, and to know that she never needed to feel alone again. “It must be tough being a ruler,” I said, “you have the love and respect of everypony, but you don’t actually know them.”
“I try to,” she said, “I’m friendly with everypony I meet, and I don’t even attempt to distance myself from them. I want them to realize that I’m just like them, even though I may wear a crown and raise the sun and moon and have a consistently flowing mane. I don’t want them to fear me, I want them to love me.”
“And they do,” I reassured her, “I could see it in everypony’s face. Every time you and I would trot the streets of Canterlot, the ponies would look at you with complete devotion. I could tell that they were awestruck by your sight.”
“But I don’t want them to be awestruck!” Twilight suddenly cried, the pressures of her domain finally collapsing on her, “I want them to be my friends!”
She buried her head in my shoulder and sobbed. Oh, boy, I thought, how am I supposed to propose after this? I bent my head around hers and rubbed her shoulder. I didn’t say anything, but just tried to be close to her. I couldn’t say anything. How could I attempt to place myself within her and mediate her feelings? I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. I found that my small shoulder massage grew a little bit gentler, and her cries became softer. Soon enough, she backed away from me and wiped her eyes.
“Forgive me,” she said, “I shouldn’t have exploded like that.”
“No, my love,” I said, “there’s no need to ask for that. You’ve got a ton riding on your shoulders. To be incredibly frank, I don’t know how you do it all. I’ve watched you rule for months now, and I still can’t figure it out. You’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met, Twilight. You rule with confidence, beauty, friendship, and a fiery passion. You’re constantly on a quest to infuse your mind with new knowledge. You’re excited about discovering things. You have a heart that’s even bigger than that beautiful mind of yours. You want what’s best for everypony. You’re a princess in every sense of the word…now…would you allow me to be your prince?”
With that, I dropped to a knee and her eyes went wide. “I’m afraid I can’t afford a ring right now,” I said, “but I believe that you don’t need a ring to propose. Will you marry me, Twilight?”
She gulped. Once again, I could see the gears turning in her brilliant mind. She was trying to come up with an eloquent and elegant response, but in the end, she gave up. A smile plastered itself across her face and she leapt into my arms, knocking me onto my back. “YES!” She cried, “Yes, of course, I’ll marry you! I’ve been waiting so long for you to ask me!”
Her tears fell once again, but this time it was a happy weeping. She backed away and we met in a kiss, only this one was more tender, loving, and passionate than any we had shared before. I didn’t know if it was the perfect proposal, but it was the right proposal, and our lives together were solidified. Our love could never be broken, and in that moment, with the beautiful moon shining down on us just as it had the night we first confessed our feelings, I realized it. We were bound together by time, and the unlimited possibilities of a life shared not simply as the very best of friends, but as loving and cherished mates.
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Now that Twilight and I had become officially engaged, my parents turned into doting future in-laws. My mother was especially thrilled, and she took every single step necessary to ensure that Twilight’s remaining time in our world was as comfortable and happy as physically possible. My blushing fiancée would reassure her many times over that she was very satisfied with the way her trip was going. “Oh, no, dear,” my mother would respond, waving a hand, “I wouldn’t think of giving you anything but the best. After all, you are going to be marrying my little boy.”
“MOM!” I would shout whenever I heard this. Then it would be my turn to blush heavily, and Twilight would try and stifle her giggles. But this was often a complete exercise in futility, and her eyes would laugh right along with her mouth. Then I would settle down, finding comfort in my future bride’s intoxicating chuckle, and everything would return to normal. She had a funny way of calming my nerves, and I realized once again that it was another small thing that created a large piece of my love for her.
The night before Twilight and I were going to return to Equestria for a few weeks, we all sat down and had a big family dinner. My grandparents were present, and they were all as ecstatic about everything as my parents were. My maternal grandfather was well known for his, shall we say, questionable sense of amusement. Oh, it’s not that his jokes were bad from a moral standpoint, they were just bad from a humor standpoint. He did what he had done with my little brother and his girlfriend, and it left me in a state of panic.
“You haven’t messed up my boy too bad, have ya?” He asked her.
She chuckled. “No, sir. But, I’ve been trying awfully hard!”
They both laughed at their shared anecdote, and my nerves were once again calm. “Okay,” I said, “so Twilight and I were talking, and we think we’d like to set the wedding two months from now.”
“Oh, that sounds splendid!” My mother said cheerily.
“Also,” Twilight said, “I want Jeff to have an equal say in how the wedding is done. I know it’s normally the bride that does a lot of the choosing, but I don’t find that to be quite right. So, in the interest of friendship and our new engagement, I’ve come to this decision.”
“Aw, what a sweet young lady!” My maternal grandmother said, “now, then, where will it be?”
I sighed and looked at Twilight. I saw that she had the same look. We had hashed out and fought and argued and talked about it for the past couple of days, but we couldn’t figure it out. Obviously, Twilight wanted the wedding to be in Equestria, and I wanted to have it at a local farm in my world. “We…don’t exactly know,” I finally said, “we each want to have it in our respective worlds so our families can be there.”
“Well, why not have it in both worlds?” My father suggested.
“Yes,” his mother agreed, “I’m not exactly ready to be turned into a pony, and I don’t know if your family is ready to become human yet, Twilight.”
“You make a good point,” Twilight said after a moment of thought, “we could conceivably have one in Equestria and then one here.”
“A double wedding!” I said, “that’s it!”
Twilight and I looked at each other and smiled, our problem having been solved rather quickly and peacefully. I hoped that our marriage would be filled with the same quick resolutions to problems. I loved Twilight, but I knew that arguments and fights were a part of marital life, and I swore to myself that I would never lose my love for her, no matter what.
Before we both knew it, two months flew by and the preparations for each wedding were complete. Since our wedding in Equestria would be a royal affair, and I would also be crowned the Prince of Equestria and co-ruler with Twilight, it would take place in the castle of Canterlot. Twilight’s bridesmaids were her closest friends from Ponyville, and I selected some of my best male friends to be my groom’s stallions. Twilight’s Mare of Honor was Princess Starlight, and my Best Stallion was her brother, Shining Armor. I had met him on more than one occasion, and I was duly impressed with his dutiful service, both to his wife and to his country. We would also have the honor of Princess Celestia herself officiating our ceremony.
On the day of our wedding, I was a nervous wreck and it took nearly all of my assistants to calm me down. “I can’t do it!” I cried, “I love her so much…I just…I’m not good enough!”
“Hey, buddy, calm down,” Shining Armor said, lending a helpful hoof, “I remember I was the same way on the day I married Cadance. It’s always like this. You realize just how beautiful and amazing she really is and you think yourself inadequate. But don’t worry. Everything will work out just fine. It always does.”
They all smiled and wished me good luck as we stood at the side door to the main hall. I knew it was packed with ponies, and I was absolutely itching in the striking tuxedo that Rarity had crafted for the occasion. Everything’s gonna be fine, I tried to convince myself as sweat began beading on my brow, it’s all gonna be fine…
When we heard the trumpets sound, they escorted me in and we stood in front of Celestia. I noted that she was wearing a special crown, signifying her title as “Princess Emeritus of Equestria.” She no longer held power or authority, but she would always hold a special place in each pony’s heart. Her sister, Luna, stood next to her with a similar diadem atop her head. They both had their wings spread, and looked as regal as they ever had, even though their manes had stopped flowing. Celestia’s was bright pink, and her sister’s was a lighter shade of mysterious blue.
Celestia nodded, and the trumpeters began playing Twilight’s royal theme. Immediately, everypony bowed in respect to their ruler as she marched in, led by her bridesmaids. My heart leapt into my throat. She looked dazzling. Her dress was different from a normal bride’s. It was a deep purple, with a trane that extended far beyond her tail. Her flowing mane was held up in a beautiful fashion with more than one tie, and she was radiant. She was still a good deal taller than I was, but that didn’t matter. I had her heart, and that was that.
When she arrived, Celestia quickly, yet clearly, ran through a prepared speech on the power of love and friendship. I noted that tears were playing with the corners of her pupils, as she watched her former student take another huge step in her life. She must be having so many memories, I told myself, from the day Twilight first stepped into her school as a filly up until now. I’m surprised she hasn’t begun crying openly.
When she finished, we recited our vows. With Celestia’s help, I had written them, and Twilight had approved them. I wanted them to be as special as she was, and she had shed a lot of tears while reading them. She told me that they were the most beautiful words she had ever read, and that they spoke endlessly of our love and affection. While reciting them, my mind turned into an old news reel of memories. From the time I had met her in the hospital, to the rocky start to our friendship, to the time I asked her out, to the time I first said, “I love you.”
Our vows were as follows:
“I, (insert name of reciter here), promise to love, respect, honor, defend, and remain true to you all the days of my life. Before these witnesses, I hereby swear my undying affection to you and you alone. By these words, I affix myself to you. May we share everything, and may we be together always. Donec mors nos partem, ut haec iurare, amica mea.”
The final part was old Pony Latin for, “until death do us part, these things I swear, my love.” When we had both recited this, Celestia pronounced us “mare and stallion,” and we kissed, sealing our fate forever. The crowd went wild, chanting both of our names as I officially became known as Prince Stony Tail. I liked my new title, but not because it gave me authority and dominion over Equestria. I liked it because it gave me a new lease on life, and a beautiful new bride to experience it with. I finally felt as if I had a purpose, and she was always there to fulfill it.
That would be a great way to end the chapter, but we still had another wedding to go to. So Celestia and Luna bade us farewell until we could return to Equestria, and we returned to my beloved homeland for our second marriage. Twilight had selected six human females that she and I were both close to for her bridesmaids, and my groomsmen were made up of my family and a couple of close acquaintances I had. The wedding itself was held at that same local farm I had chosen, and we only invited family and people who were close to us. Twilight didn’t want the same huge spectacle that it had been in Equestria, and I was happy to oblige.
My father, an ordained minister, officiated our human ceremony, and it all went according to plan. After marrying her once, marrying her again was a cinch and I was nowhere near as nervous as I had been. The ceremony itself was a beautiful experience, and getting to have my entire family present was the most special thing that had ever happened to me. They say getting married is the biggest day of your life. I was lucky enough to experience it twice, and Twilight looked even more beautiful the second time around. My heart thudded in my chest as I recited the same vows I had in Equestria, and she responded in kind. We became husband and wife in my world and kissed, much to the delight of the small gathering behind us.
I looked deep in her eyes. “I didn’t just recite those vows offhandedly,” I said, “I really mean them.”
She looked just as deep in mine. “I know, my love,” she responded, “and I meant them just as much. I will never, ever stop loving you. Now, let’s go.”
With that, we walked off the stage and into the future…
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
Epilogue: The Birth of the Future
Author's Note
Time to put this story to bed! Thanks for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed it! Keep being awesome, everyone!
Epilogue: The Birth of the Future
The outside of our door felt a lot smaller standing there in my current situation. Normally, it was inviting, with an air of friendliness and companionship such that no other door had. At least, none that I’d ever witnessed. But in this moment, it felt so small, and almost like a portal to hell itself even though I knew that a small slice of heaven was happening on the other side. My breathing was rapid, and I found myself doing what I’m sure a lot of stallions (and humans) in my position had done for generations: pacing. I’m sure I wore a rather sizable hole in the castle carpet as I wandered back and forth aimlessly, listening to my beloved screaming in pain on the other side. Even though I knew every scream brought the both of us closer to a goal, it tore my heart apart to hear them.
Our first foal had not been easy to come by. Our wedding night in Manehattan had been fairly rambunctious, but nothing had come of it. We were both thankful for that, because we knew we weren’t ready for parenthood just yet. But then, one morning, Twilight rolled over in bed and whispered in my ear that she wanted to start a family. My response was groggy at first, but then I sat straight up. “A…are you sure?” I asked her.
“Yes, darling,” she replied with a sincere smile, “we’re both ponies right now, and I’d like our firstborn to be Equestrian.”
“Well…I’d kinda like it to be American,” I said honestly, “I mean, I still love my home country.”
She sighed and sat up on her haunches to meet me. “I know you do,” she said, “and to be honest, I do, too. But Equestria is still first in my heart, and I must remain true to that.”
“But I still love America just as much as you love Equestria,” I contradicted, “and I have to remain true to that!”
“Look, Stony,” she huffed, “our first baby is going to be Equestrian born!”
“American born!”
“Equestrian!”
“American!”
We growled at each other and turned away. My head was like a standard ping pong ball, bouncing back and forth between my love for her and my duties to my home world. As the Prince of Equestria, of course I held a great love for my new home. But my old home still held a great amount of sway over me as well, and I wanted my child to reflect that. Don’t lose your cool, I told myself, there are gonna be moments like this.
Then I remembered the promise I made to myself, to never stop loving her, no matter what. So, I turned back to her. “I’m sorry, Twily,” I said, putting a hoof on her shoulder. When Celestia crowned me prince, I had gone through a growth spurt as well, so now Twilight and I were the same size. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”
She turned back to me. “I’m sorry as well,” she said, “I think we both need to realize that, no matter where our baby’s born, it’s going to hold qualities that reflect both of our cultures and ways.”
I smiled and pulled her into a kiss. “You’re right, darling,” I said when we broke, “and I’d love to begin a family with you.”
With that, we began a weeks-long process of attempting to get Twilight pregnant. I’m fairly sure many comparisons to the average rabbit were drawn by the castle staff about us, and we got a lot of unsavory publicity thanks to whistleblowers, but it was a nice time for the two of us. Our bond got stronger with every loving touch we made and every small kiss, public and private. We both knew what was at stake, and every time we allowed ourselves to be free with each other, it was a very natural and beautiful event.
Finally, Twilight came home with the news and the castle and surrounding towns were awash in celebration. She even pulled a fast one on her brother, sister-in-law, and our little niece. She created a scavenger hunt for them to complete, just as they had done when Flurry Heart was on the way. “So,” Flurry, who was a young school foal by this point, said, “our job is to find everything on the list?”
“That’s right, Flurry!” Twilight said cheerily, “now, go help your mommy and daddy, and then you’ll find out what the big surprise is!”
Flurry smiled and trotted off to join her family. I pulled Twilight into a hug, being very careful not to disturb what was growing inside her. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? Soon, we’ll be seeing our foal trot.”
“Oh, I know!” Twilight said, tears in her eyes, “I can’t wait!”
I kissed her cheek and we sat back to wait. It didn’t take long, and within a couple of hours, Flurry came bounding back with her mane and tail in a tizzy. “Auntie Twily, Uncle Stony!” She cried in delight. I had taken to her like a fish to water. She was so unbelievably adorable, and I loved her just as much as Twilight did.
“Did you find everything?” I asked.
“Yes, yes!” She squealed, “we found everything, and I figured out what the surprise is!”
“Oh?” Twilight asked, “and how did you do that?”
“All of the things on the list had something in common: they all had to do with a foal! You two are gonna have a baby, aren’t you?!”
Twilight and I smiled and bent down to hug her. She spread her small wings and flapped them about in joyous delight. Her mother and father were right behind her, and they came over and embraced us as well. “We’re both so happy!” Cadance said, her eyes shining, “I mean, to think that we’re gonna get to be an aunt and uncle, and Flurry’s finally gonna have her first cousin!”
Flurry trotted over to Twilight’s belly and poked a tentative ear up to it. “Is the baby really in there?”
Twilight smiled. “It is,” she said warmly…
…That had been months before. Now, as I sat outside the room where the midwives were attempting to help bring my first child into the world, I had the chance to reflect on my entire adventure. I would not have picked anypony, or anybody, but Twilight to have it with. I truly loved her, and I knew I was going to do my best to be an excellent father to our firstborn.
As I sat there thinking, and sweating with nervousness, I heard an ear piercing shriek. A few moments later, one of the nurse ponies peeked out of the room. “Your Majesty,” she said, “you can come in, now. There’s somepony special you need to meet.” I got up and trotted into the room behind her. Once there, I found a breathless and morbidly exhausted Twilight holding a small bundle in her wing. I moved over and quietly peeked inside, finding our first foal just opening its small eyes.
My mouth shook and I didn’t know what to say. “Twilight…” I breathed.
My poor bride was too tired to respond, so I gently kissed her head and turned to the same nurse. “What is it?”
“It’s a little filly,” the nurse said in quiet excitement, “and I think your wife already has a name picked out.”
I turned back and looked. Our daughter had a light purple coat, and her mane was grey with purple and pink streaks running through it. She had a tiny nose, like her mother, and wide set eyes like me. “Twilight,” I whispered, “what’s her name?”
“It’s…Diamond Sparkle,” Twilight managed to get out.
I looked with pride at my new little girl. Hello, my Diamond, I silently told her, welcome to the world. You have so much to learn and explore! I’m proud to be your father, and I’m even more proud that you have a mother as wonderful, smart, and beautiful as you do. You’ll be our little filly forever, my love, and nothing will ever come between us. Unless, of course, you fall in love with some human who stumbles into Equestria. But who on Earth would ever do that?
How I Fell In Love With A Pony
How To Ask a Princess Out in 10 Easy Steps
Step one: cry. Cry like you’ve never cried before. Cry because you realize that, next to the beautiful art form that you’re attempting to win the heart of, you are a sorry, sad sack of bones, blood, and fur. Your grey coat and dull colored mane aren’t anything special, and you look like you jumped off of the nearest Equestrian turnip truck. You realize that you aren’t exactly a gift to mares everywhere, and so you cry. You know that, no matter what, she isn’t going to love you back. You think of giving up, but then you remember just how important she is to you, and you become determined. Whether that determination is bold or completely stupid is yet to be decided, but it is there, all the same.
Step two: find help. You know that you cannot do this alone. You need a wing pony, and so you go throughout the land, seeking the one pony who could possibly help in this time of crisis. For me, that subject was easy to find. I traveled to Ponyville, where I would soon begin work in the School of Friendship. Princess Twilight and the newest Princess, Starlight Glimmer, had been kind enough to offer me a job teaching about humans and their culture to the students there. “Every creature should be taught to be friendly towards humans, should something like this ever happen again,” Twilight had said, “and you would be a perfect fit for the job!”
So I had accepted her offer, but seeing as how paperwork had to be filed and other various business related things had to happen, I would not begin teaching for a few days. But I traveled to Ponyville anyway, in order to meet up with my new right hand mare, Rarity. I had written her about helping me and she responded, with her exuberance and enthusiasm somehow being more prevalent on the page than the ink itself, that she would be delighted to assist. She had told me how she was a big fan of romance, and considering this would be the first ever relationship between a human and a pony, it would also be historic. “I’m always looking to make history!” She had written.
Step three: meeting your helper. When I arrived in Ponyville, Rarity was waiting for me at the train station. Her hooves were quivering with excitement, and she had a smile on her face that nearly blinded me. She was obviously a big fan of oral hygiene, and she showed it in her flashy gesture. “I’m so happy to see you!” She said as she knocked me over, “welcome back to Ponyville!”
“Thanks, Rare,” I said as I returned the hug, “it’s wonderful to see you, too!”
“You probably don’t remember much of our little hamlet, considering the shortness of your previous stay,” she said as she let me back up, “but it hasn’t changed much.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” I said, “but I remember everything Fluttershy showed me, and if it’s still like that, then everything’s gonna be alright.”
She smiled again and we trotted off from the station and into town. I once again marveled at the similarities, yet differences between the small homes the ponies had built there. They each had their own individual charm, and the hooves of the inhabitants were plastered all over them. Some had large gardens, while others were painted in wildly eccentric fashions. I did notice, with a bit of a frown, that one house looked to be split between two houses. One side was classically done, with a nice finish. The other was way more modern and very rough around the edges. But they seemed to fit together, which was what confused me. There is no way in hell that those styles should be compatible, I told myself.
“Um, Rarity?”
“Yes, darling?” Rarity asked as she paused.
I pointed at the strange building. “Who lives there?”
“Oh, that’s the home of Octavia and DJ Pon-3…or Vinyl Scratch, depending on who you ask about it.”
“You have a pony living here with two names?”
“Well, the DJ Pon-3 thing is more of a stage name. I have it on good faith that her real name is Vinyl Scratch, but nopony ever bothers to ask her about it. She’s kind of quiet and keeps to herself.”
“So…who’s this Octavia pony?”
“Oh, her? She’s one of the best cellists in the land. She can play a mean Beethoofen!”
I giggled, “Beethoofen?”
“Yes, darling, the famous pony composer. Why?”
“We have a Beethoven back in my world!”
“Hm…maybe our worlds share more similarities than we first thought.”
We made our way through the rest of town and into Rarity’s boutique. It was everything I expected, but blown up to a much larger scale. Every last nook and cranny was as clean as a whistle, and the dress displays were organized very well. The ponies who were shopping there carefully made their way around every creation, analyzing it down to the fibers with which it was sewed. Rather particular ponies, I told myself, but then again, this is a fashion shop.
Rarity led me into her “inspiration room,” which doubled as her bedroom, and then led me into step four: preparation. “Darling,” she said, “you are going to be asking the ruler of Equestria out on a date. This isn’t your typical ‘teen filly meets teen colt’ sort of thing. You must be suave, debonair, and sophisticated!”
She ran over to a closet and pulled out one of her mannequins. It was done up in a rather dashing tuxedo, with a bow tie and tails to match. “My dear Stony Tail, you must knock Twilight right off her hooves! This outfit should do the trick. I began work on it as soon as I received your letter. It took me a few hours, but it’s done and it is chez magnifique!”
“It looks nice, and I’m very grateful that you made it for me” I said honestly, “but…don’t you think that’s overdoing it a little? I mean, Twi doesn’t exactly seem like the type of pony who would go for that. She’s so…down to Earth.”
Rarity chuckled. “Darling, darling, darling. Twilight Sparkle is THE most important pony in Equestria! You have to dazzle her! She’s no longer the kind librarian of our town, she’s somepony with power and influence. You must dress for the occasion, my dear! I insist!”
“Whatever you say, Rarity.”
Step five: having your wing pony, who is also a fashionista, dress you and then poke and prod at you until you feel as if you should have her arrested. “If you’d stop squirming, this would go a lot faster,” she muttered, “Princess Twilight’s heart will not be won by somepony who is dressed sloppily. We must be BOLD!”
I sighed. I really loved having Rarity as a friend, but her dramatic accentuations of everything were beginning to get annoying. “Rarity,” I complained, “I feel as if you’ve been prodding my flanks for hours now!”
“That’s because I HAVE been prodding your flanks for hours!”
“Well, when the hell are you gonna be done?”
“I’ll be done when I’m done, now be a dear and shut up!”
It didn’t take her very much longer, and soon enough she declared that I was ready to impress Princess Twilight. Truthfully, I felt incredibly ridiculous standing there all dressed up, but Rarity seemed to know what she was talking about. I just assumed that she had seen this type of thing done before, so I stopped doubting her and went with it.
“Tonight,” she said, “you and Twilight shall have dinner under the stars at Canterlot’s finest restaurant! Don’t worry, dear, I’ll take care of everything.”
“But I haven’t even asked her out yet!”
“Don’t worry, my dear, you’ll be smashing! Now, let’s go! We’ve got a train to catch!”
Steps six, seven, eight, and nine: worry. Worry as if you’ve never worried before. Worry so much that you begin sweating into your tuxedo and Rarity has to magically reapply the aroma enhancing spell she cast on you. “My Celestia, sweetness, you’re sweating into the fabric! What in Equestria has gotten into you?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s just the fact that I’m about to ask out the most high profile girl I’ve ever asked; and considering my luck with girls in my world, I’m not very enthused.”
“Oh, darling,” Rarity said, “you care for her, don’t you?”
“Of course,” I said, “I…love her.”
“Aw…” Rarity said, smiling, “well, then, trust your heart to tell you what to say.”
“That’s probably the sappiest piece of advice you’ve given me all day. But…I’m happy to take it. Thanks, Rarity.”
“You’re welcome, Stony,” she said, “and remember, I’m gonna be in the palace right outside wherever this takes place. If all goes well, I’ll be there to celebrate with you. If it doesn’t, you have a friendly shoulder to cry on.”
Step ten: go for it. When the train arrived back in Canterlot, we trotted up to the castle and the guards happily let us in. We went straight to the throne room, thinking that Twilight would be there. But she wasn’t, so we went about the palace searching for her. We finally found her heading off to her own personal quarters. She turned and smiled and embraced the both of us. “Stony, Rarity, it’s wonderful to see the both of you! But…I must ask…why are you all dressed up, Stony?”
“I…er…have something to ask you,” I stuttered.
“Alright,” Twilight said, sitting down, “go ahead.”
Rarity looked on with shock and happiness. Apparently, she couldn’t believe that she was going to witness the first time a human asked a pony out. She was giddy, but she held her emotions in check. As for me, I was a nervous wreck. Twilight’s spectacular gaze sparkled down on me, and I was putty in its light. I had heard rumors that there were songs written of those wondrous orbs, and I could tell why.
I gulped. “Twilight…would…would you care to…join me for dinner tonight?”
To be continued…
