Chapters guide to stabbing orphans
the misterious device (a.k.a. computer)
The sun was already up, not to say the same for princess twilight, she had some trouble getting up, as always.
She stretched out as she opened her eyes to reveal... Nothing had changed from yesterday. She slowly made her way towards his number one assistant in the world "spike, wake up" she said with her morning voice.
"Five more minutes" he groaned as he covered his head with his blankets...
"Ok, but just five. We have a meeting with princess celestia today, remember?"twilight replied with a monotone voice
Spike didn't respond as he had yet again, fallen asleep.
Twilight then proceeded to carry on her normal morning routine which consisted mostly of having breakfast and picking up books that were left on the table from yesterday.
Five minutes had passed so she approached his assistant once again."spike wake up, your five minutes are over"
Spike continued to complain but had to wake up as twilight reminded him of the meeting they had to attend.
Once at the canterlot castle
"Ok Spike, wait here while I attend this meeting, tell the lady over there to get you some sapphires. See you later spike!"
Princess twilight came in the throne room as she saw the majestic alicorn standing on the throne. "twilight, it's great to see you. It is of my interest to address the reason for this meeting" said princess celestia as she made a gesture for the guards to leave the room, twilight knew this meant the reason for this meeting was of utter secrecy
"Hello princess celestia it's nice to see you, what is it that you want to adress?"
"Well you see, while me and my sister were looking around in the secret library something from the artifacts section caught my eye"
Celestia then pointed to a strange looking box with sorts of wires coming from it that lead to a much smaller and thinner metal box.
"What is it?" twilight said with excitement seeing the artifact
Princess celestia then admitted "we... Don't know yet" celestia said a little embarrassed as she was the one always explaining things to twilight."That's the reason I have called you. It is of my interest for you to investigate. And before you ask, yes you are allowed to take it to the library"
Twilight grinned as she knew this could only mean one thing: reading. She was going to have ro read ancient books and scrolls to find answers, that would give her an excuse ro read more from the secret library."YES I WILL GLADLY INVESTIGATE THIS DEVICE"
*meanwhile*
Dave was looking all over his house for his lost mouse as he had lost it the day before. when all of a sudden he says: "there you are!" as he reaches his hand to his mouse he thinks: now i can finally play hypixel on my very gamer computing device.
He then changed from dave mode into TECHNOBLADE mode as he soon prepared to stab some orphans.
His gaming was interrupted by a message from his rival (but also close friend) dream dream dream. The message consisted of some text saying he found a way to make minecraft more interesting while at the same time keeping the base game.
He soon started to think of a texture pack or challenge or mode, but all he saw was a file download followed by: 'drag this into your multiplayer folder'
Technoblade trusting his friend knew nothing bad was going to happen... Or so he wanted to believe...
*back at ~~krispy kreme~~ ponyville*
Twilight was confused as the device didn't seem to do anything. It had an unknown alphabet inside of it. Buttons had words of said alphabet stuck to them while some of these buttons were more decayed than the others, meaning they were used quite often.
In these were: w,a,s,d,r,e,m,i,m,p. (ordered from most decayed to less decayed) and twilight soon started pressing random buttons but as she pressed one that looked like a circle with a bar inside of it pointing up. the artifact began to whirr and make other sort of noises.
Soon a part of the device began to glow/shine *insert windows xp startup sound* then she saw an assortment of letters that said 'enter password', she didn't know what this meant as the alphabet was still foreign to her.
She started looking around her library for a book that she liked to read whenever she didn't understand parts of a foreign alphabet like old yak and griffin.
This book however, contained many other alphabets. Some of the alphabets mentioned in the book were so old or rare that they didn't have a name. She found an alphabet really similar to the one she saw in the cartifact and she began to translate.
The princess then understood she had to enter a password, and knew that it had to be composed of the decayed letters. you know where this is going.
She spent all night trying all combinations possible. Twilight then succeeded as she wrote 'dream simp' [hehe] and the device was soon starting up.
Then after the computer turned on, there were many icons and letters but twilight didn't know how to access the information in them. but inside the bigger box she saw a piece of paper clipping out, she used her magic and took it.
She began decrypting what it said as she realized it said 'computer manual'. she was happy as she now knew the device is called a computer. as she kept reading twilight now knew how to access these icons by using a 'mouse' .
A purple aura of magic began to glow around the mouse which then moved and made several clicks. Unfortunately for her the manual only explained the physical process of the computer so she didn't know what all those icons meant.
She had clicked many icons but didn't understand any of them.
She then clicked an icon called 'minecraft' the menu that appeared in front of her was more intuitive as it didn't use all those fancy computer words.
She clicked on play but didn't understand what a world was nor how to make one.
She then went to the main menu once again and clicked multiplayer. this menu was more understandable as it only said hypixel and enter server (among others) she then held her translation book while decoding the words.
Twilight clicked on enter server.
The computer started whirring even louder as a sort of vortex appeared in the screen sucking everything close enough to it, including twilight.
To be continued
Author's Note
i wrote this at night so dont expect much. its not done yet, dont delete it, mods.
edited april 8th 2021
now to procrastinate on editing the next chapter
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guide to stabbing orphans
local purple horse sucked into a box finds a pig
Author's Note
second chapter done yay!
disclaimer: ive never played hypixel lmao
local purple horse sucked into a box finds a pig
Dark ~~darker. Yet darker~~ was all that twilight could see, why? (because all stories say that when a character gets teleported to another world ) because she had been knocked out by a 900-page book when she entered the portal that had appeared infront of the computer.
As she awoke all that she could feel was that she was falling. Falling very fast, like really fast; this woke her up. She opened her eyes and was inmediatey blinded dy all the light around her. She began screaming with fear of what would happen once she hit the ground, when all of a sudden she abruptedly stopped falling.
She once again opened her eyes and saw a beautiful land filled with plants, buildings and... Monkeys? (leave humanity, return to monkE) no, they were more like apes, hairless apes. Everyone of them was quite different from each other, some were dragon-like, some were... Green blobs with eyes? Or some were animals, naked apes, some had normal clothes or shiny clothes, some were dressed like royalty, some were dressed like peasants (~~commoners arent people, theyre poor!~~) and some were creatures she coudnt describe as animals or monsters.
Twilight quickly hid so to not be seen by the creatures, but failed horribly as she couldnt find where to hide because she didnt know the layout of the place. However only a few of them seemed to notice, and when they did they just shrugged it off.
*meanwhile*
Techno was still confused about the message his friend had sent him but had to do other things for the next upload that he would be recording in an hour or so. Hurried, technoblade did as the message said, he dragged the 'thing' dream sent him into his multiplayer folder an as he saved the chnages, he opened up minecraft.
...
Silence was all that could not be heard.
Techno suddenly broke the silence "welp, i got scammed. That green teletubbie gave me an useless folder for my multiplayer"
He continued with his schedule for today, making food, having a shower and sleeping for 2 hours when all of a sudden, he wakes up yelling "I HAD AN UPLOAD AND IM AN HOUR LATE" (somehow this techno actually has an upload schedule)
He quickly got up, started up his computer and opened minecraft and his recording programm. He was in such a hury he forgot to get id of that useless folder and simply joined hypixel. He began explaining what he was going to do, something about revenge on timedeo in a game which would be decided by the comments, the options were to challenge each other in skyblock, skywars or bedwars.
He spawned on another lobby, he went to the outer places of the hub and started running around while doing commentary. This didnt last long as he saw something moving in the leaves (which was weird because build is always off in hubs so they couldnt have possibly breaked them and block-glitched inside.) he got close, and closer, until all of a sudden...!
twilight pov
Twilight had managed to hide in some leaves before bringing more attention. What was strange was that the leaves stayed a cube and didnt extend away from that form. As twilight was hiding twilight spotted a creature that looked like a pig headed to the outer places of this area/town. It looked to be dressed as royalty and also was a pig, he had a crown meaning he was either a prince or a king, twilight thought she could make contact with this individual seeing as he was part of the royalty and thus being an authority over others. How wrong was she.
As the creature approached she got out of the bushes and tried to talk to it, only to figure out it couldnt hear her, but she did see a curious look on its face. The creature didnt move so twilight decided to get closer, and closer.
She then proceeded to talk again only for it to not understand. So she did the next big thing (besided make first contact with a species ttotally different and impossibe), she touched the creature....
technoblade pov
He had been trying to interact with the creature he found, thinking at first that it was an npc, then he thought maybe the mods had made a new type of npc that reacted to chat text. He began typing: 'hello?' 'are you an npc?' ' do you dispense a sort of mission?' ~~'do you like potatoes?'~~ seeing as this wasnt working he began typing random commands to try and see if it worked like: /talk /mission /horse among others.
He had been so distracted by this he didnt even notice that the horse had come near him, almost touching him. Before he could do anything, the creature touched him.
Bad things happened
Suddenly a crack in the screen appeared from the exact part the horse touched him in which all colors turned to their negative counterparts, the crack began to grow bigger and longer until it had filled his whole screen. The server crashed and suddenly a sort of vortex appeared in front of him, sucking anything around him including himself.
Darkness was all around him and he was falling. Falling. Suddenly something broke his fall and the dark around him disappeared. When his eyes got used to the light he saw something that resembled... The hypixel hub. He looked around and nobody seemed to care going normally as they would. At first he thought he wa kidnapped, only to notice that everyone seemed to do what they would do when playing in hypixel.
He then realized: he was in the hypixel server. As he started to remember all that had happened what inmediately crossed his mind was to find the horse. He didnt have to go far as he saw the horse just standig behind some trees. He then looked down and started walking towards it, only to notice... HE WAS A PIG
The realization kicked in as it totally makes sense if you get sucked into a game you go in as your character, defenetely not made up, thats exactly what happens. He started to look at his new body and realized he was in a royal gown, meaning he was a king, the pig king and the potato king (geez techno is such royalty hes king twice).
He then remembered "ii have to find that pony, the crack in my screen appeared from the place it touched me. Surely it knows exactly what is going on and isnt as clueless as me"
He went up to the horse again and as he did the horse simply said "hi"
...
"IT CAN TALK?!!"
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guide to stabbing orphans
pig talks to a horse about stuff like killing
Technoblade stood still, watching the horse that had just talked to him. Needless to say he was shocked, by two major reasons: 1 he was in a game. 2a horse just talked to him and 3 A HORSE JUST TALKED TO HIM. He stood still for a couple of minecraft minutes (around 16 seconds lmao) after that time, he decided to talk "hi"
The horse seemd to stay still for a bit, processing what had just happened. She then rrplied with a simplr "hi". Then technoblade asked "what are you, a talking horse?". The purple horse quickly replied with a question of her own "what are you ?". "I asked you first" he said. The horse seemed to understand and began talking "i am a pony, now tell me what are you?", "~~im technno-chan, im just a 21yo minecraft youtuber, uwu~~ im technoblade", the horse noticed technoblade hadnt answered her question so she asked again "but what are you?"
Technoblade thoguth about bragging on all his previous achievements like potato war and being the best at pvp, but then he thought he shouldnt tell her the truth because of what that would mae her feel about him. "Im a human. And what is a talking horse doing in hypixel?" he asked. The horse replied by explaining what happened, yaddy yaddy yadda much chatter and all that. But twilight thought saying too much would be bad so she skipped stuff about celestia and things in her world and just explained how se got there.
He then said "wait if youre an intelligent horse, do you have a name or something?" the horse then proceeded to explain the most she could without talking about anyone else than herself "i am twilight sparkle, alicorn princess of friendship"
So then the pig said "~~oh god i wasnt aware we would have royalty attending here, BUTTLER! Fetch us some wine~~ oh cool youre, a princess"
Technoblade suddenly remembered he was in the game and wanted to go explore how it felt to play as his character, so he quickly tried to dismiss the conversation "well anyways i have to go, bye" this quickly got a response as the princess didnt wan to be alone and lost, so she protested "wait! Dont leave me! Im all alone" techno perfectly knew it was a bad idea to let her come wiht him and should be avoided at all costs so he said "oh well you can come with me"WHY DID HE JUST SAY THAT. This was alarming as she would probably be a distraction and a pain in the a-
"So, the place were going to is very dangerous and you shuld always stay by my side or you might be killed" twilight shivered "but as long as you stay beside me you should be ok." "ok" was her response
"So, where are we going?" technoblade didnt respond. She asked again "where are we going?" she quickly got a response "oh sorry, i wasnt paying attention. Uhhhh, were going to bedwars" twilight halted for a second "w-war?" "yes, bedwars" " but isnt war bad?" "well yes but not this war, doesnt you world have wars?" "the last war we had was almost about 2000 years ago, it killed around 120 individuals" twilight said with a bit of sadness on her face but didnt have time to be sad as her companion said "ha! You consider that a war? That just sounds like a battle!" teh princess simply ignored his comment and they kept moving.
They soon reached a place with figures that resembled the creatures of this world but had names above them that read: skywars, bedwars, skyblock and so on. "So, were here" "what are these creatures?" "i cant explain, sorry" as these words left his mouth, he punched the bedwars creature as hard as if it was an or´phan, and when twilight was going to try and stop him, they were transported to a new placewich had more of these creatures, and of course technoblade punched another "hey! Whats up with you punching these creatures?!" "oh dont worry, they dont feel pain, nor are they actually alive"
Before he continued to enter a match, he thought if it would be a good idea to bring a horse into bedwars. So he soon came up with a solution, "hey twilight, where were going, ponies arent exactly known so to say. To keep secrecy, im gonna need to ride you" the princess' head turned red,"r-ride m-me????"(ayy sex joke because it had to be done) techno noticed the effect this had and so he quickly cleared it up "no not like that! Like ride on you back, tho you are too small. Hmmmm" " oh well u-umm i know a spell that might fix this, it makes a pony bigger for around an hour, will that be enough time?" "yes very much" her horn started to glow purple and soon, her body followend to do the same as she grew up in size to about one and a half meters "hmmm kinda small but itll have to do" "o-ok" as she said this techno quickly jumped on her back.
Whilst she felt uncomfortable, she knew it had to be done so she just kept on. Then technoblade punched another creature and they got transported to a glass cage in the sky. Both opened their eyes to see their surroindings, it looked great, they were in these floating islands wich had beds in them and saw other islands too. "So what are we supposed to do here?"
"Well, we kill." twilight shivered "these beds allow us to 'revive' when we die, so we must destroy the enemies beds and kill them so they will lose the game" "but cant we just solve our problems with friendship?" "twilight-horse, we dont have any disagreements with each other, we do this for fun. Nobody gets killed forever, if you lose youll get transpoted back tot he town you first saw and you will have the chance to do it again" their words got cut off as the very cage they were standing on disappeared. The game had begun.
to be continued
Author's Note
i will try to make daily uploads but i cant prommise anything. also, dont expect major plot like 'this guy is evil and he will kill all ponies' no, this is just some random dude who found a horse trying to get back to his home.
also if you notice technos reckless behaviour on a completely different species its because what was going through his mind when he found twilight was: Get dem viewssss!!!
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guide to stabbing orphans
Chapter 4, also called fourth entry of my super cringy story that i despise when i look back at
Frogs are cool
"Twilight, today marks your first day learning the way of the craft" techno said while looking at Twilight, who didn't seem so excited about stabbing small parent-less children for coins. "Why am i doing this again?, it just seems cruel to fight between friends and fellow players there are more important thing that could be done to help society, like when that crazy guy ~~daniel~~ dante became the mayor in that little town and turned out to be a monster"
Dante who at first appeared to be a normal mayor offering some ominous looking promises to the town, had turned out to be a tyrant when he won the election, not allowing anyone else to run against him.
Then when they tried to make a revolution he turned out to be a giant slime monster trying to destroy everything.
"If we had just been able to all be friends and use the power of friendship to defe-" But then she realised that nobody fucking cares and they would all just ignore her if she tried to unite them because they think murder is fun, instead she corrected "-Alright fine lets just get this over with, teach me how to stab for coins, oh great techno of the blade" she said that last part in a very monotone voice mockingly mimicking technoblade's deep, booming, commanding, ho- *ahem*I mean: mimicking technoblade’s deep voice.
"There we go! That's the spirit little pony!" He responded with excitement. "Ok so the first thing you need to know is frog. Yes you heard right, the frog is the ultimate weapon to kill your enemies."
"You know what, i'm not even going to ask" she says while technoblade hands her the kit for this fight, being the frog kit
Once in the game technoblade started to explain before the game began. The glass beneath them disappeared indicating the game had already started. Techno rushes to grab all the loot in the chests giving Twilight a spare iron sword and a bow, him keeping the armor because it’s not fitted for little tiny magic horses. "Such a shame you can't wear armor, when playing insane mode you really want all the armor you can get" the pig pointed out, "do you have a spell that can turn you into a human?" he asked. "Nope, magic isn't some universal problem-solver" she explained,
"but maybe...." twilight muttered trailing off, completely ignoring the fact that techno was nowhere to be seen. "Oh my god 2 minutes in and i already lost him" she went off to find him, initially thinking he would be in the middle of the map she headed there with sneak 100 to avoid being seen by any players who were smart enough to actually play the game, very unlikely but everyone could be a 'pvp god' as her friend had explained.
She saw him 'looting' a chest in the middle, pulling out an enchanted chestplate and a diamond helmet. She approached him. "Hello there" technoblade thinking it may be a player, raised his sword ready to attack when "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" he noticed it was twilight standing there. Slowly he out down his sword
"Oh hey there friend i just met 2 hours ago, i was just looting this chest to be able to do some 'pro gaming youtube plays' when you suddenly startled me causing an immediate and involuntary response of getting ready for a fight coming from years of experience of prescences in this game being hostile"
"A rather long explaination but ill take it, what did you find friend? " she asked "a diamond helmet and an enchanted chestplate"he says while equiping the chestplate but not the helmet, twilight noticed and confused, asked. "Why dont you put on the helmet? Its way better than that frog hat" technoblade turned around and looked at twilight dead in the eye, "rule number 1 of the frog kit, never. Take. Off. The. Frog. Hat. Now you might be saying ' oh well technoblade, a prot 4 diamond hemet would be better in this situation', WRONG, while it doesnt give much armor it strikes fear into the heart of your enemies".
"More like makes you look weird but ok" says twilight "im not getting a frog vibe from you twilight" he says.
"Now, rule number 2, if you wanna get good at frog, you gotta learn about frog. Im gonna teach you and this skywars lobby lobby about frog because i believe education is important and the college board should accept me" he said while pushing someone off the map. wait, did he say college? How old is he to be so good at fighting? "wait you go to college? How old are you?" she asks "uhhhh i am 22 years old, why?"
"We can discuss this later" twilight says as she sees that someone dies meaning that they are the only ones left going against 2 other people {this is a duos game btw}
Technoblade got to a safe location while carrying tilight under his arm, he set her down once they were safe "ok so were gonna start our fun fact session about frog" he then moves his arm upwards making a small whitet box made of light and a light keyboard while typing. He read along while typing in the keyboard, his fingers surprisingly hitting the keyboard, being pushed back by a megnet like force. He typed in the keyboard "did you guys know that some frogs can leap up to 20 times their body length "
Shortly after a response is heard from one of the two people left "did you know that watchdog is bad at banning flyhackers?" suddenly in the distance techno and twilight see someone start flying towardds them
To Be Continued
"To be fair hes right, watchdog never does anything" technoblade says as the non-existing screen goes black
Author's Note
long chapter
im shit at writing, if you wanna complain in the comments about how bad i write... thats fair
this episode is from the i like frogs vid but also mentions dante and techno is 22 years old, why? because yes. fuck the timeline
also im bad at grammar dont get mad
guide to stabbing orphans
there really isnt much more to it, im bored
guide to stabbing orphans
"twilight whos this orange horse that is looking at me weird"*techno orphan stabber look*
and they lived (except applejack) happily ever after
Fin
Author's Note
april fools lol i made this in under 5 minutes
