Chapters That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
Chapter 1: Seriously where the Buck am I?
Okay the automatic quill is up and running? Good? Good. Ahem! How do I start off? Well I guess my human name would be good, I may have gotten it changed but that doesn't mean it has to be left out, a wise man said that I can't leave out the past just because it wasn't good. My name was Daniel Harthing, nerdy name I know, and this is my story of... How I fell for the old Isekai by truck death... Yeah I know I sound like I'm writing a plot for a Manga comic, shut the buck up! Gah! Darn it with this language filter...
Anyways, I was 36 years old when this happened, I was visiting the anime convention in Japan with some of my DND friends when I was on holiday from work. No I won't go into detail of what kind of work... Fine! I was into computer programing and data screening, but only as a five year intern! There, happy!? Sorry I got this... I'll explain later. Continuing on, we were having the time of our lives away from our shitty jobs, taking photos with cosplayers, getting Japanese udon and sweets, even buying merch and some figurines that inspired our dungeon master. It wasn't until we came up to a stand and a character from the legend of Zelda, what was his name? ... Ah Tingle, thank you. It was the guy dressed as Tingle popping up from behind the counter and even asking us in the same voice as him to buy his wares.
"Come on, come on buy whatever you like, it's all here, it's all cheap!" He would exclaim, my friends would say that even though it is cheap they need their money for the hotel we were resting in. Not me though, I had to be different from the mob mentality, so I took the Rimuru Tempest plushie for 5 yen, which by standard US dollars, was barely 4 cents. HA! Literally dirt cheap! After I was satisfied with my purchase and said my thankyous, he had to go all mystical about it. "Trust me on it, you will be satisfied even more." When I turned around to ask why, motherbucker was gone like the wind, POOF! Even his stand was gone! I tell ya, if what happened didn't send me here and I was in the hospital, my friends and I would have laughed our asses off. Sigh, sadly though, it did happen... Whether I liked it or not.
"Come on, if we make it back to the hotel we can drink till we forget that ever happened." The only thought that ran through my mind about it was that I probably gonna have to wash this amorphous plush of my favorite slime character. On the way to the hotel, people were bustling to get everywhere and we just happened by this crosswalk that looked eerily familiar, nobody paid attention, friends included, except for me as the thought was too strong to ignore as I see a kid playing with a little red ball before a black cat just ran out in the middle of the road, and the little girl spotted the cat before running after it while her mother who was on the phone didn't pay attention except for me.
I yelled out to her, well more like screamed out a profanity. "HEY YOU LITTLE SHIT GET OUT OF THE FUCKING ROAD!" Had it worked, that kid would have ran back to her mom, if she learned English. Unfortunately it did not, but it got her Parent's attention as she dropped her phone in shock and ran after her child, which was possibly a big mistake as I looked to the left and there was that speeding devil of a truck hauling ass and hauling a load that commercialized a Japanese counterpart of my little Pony. And my wise thought it was a good idea to run out in the streets, push the two out of the way while using the large plush that was put behind them to lessen the damage, and I would jump out of the way before posing like a bucking superhero. NOPE! Just before I could jump, Truck-kun just happen to be in range to ruin my day along with my internal organs, bones, and my stupid brain that just had to listen to my bucking heart and be a hero. I got hit on the side and sent flying 20... or 30 feet? Not sure, I wasn't counting those numbers.
I swear I could have heard that truck laughing like, "MUAHAHAHAHAHA! GOTCHA BITCH!" And drove off like the maniac that truck was, didn't even consider to stop to say sorry... Asshole. Ooh nice, that went through the filter! Ahem, where was I, Oh yeah, my death. The guys ran over as soon as they could and got me level, all I could feel was pain so that made me groan in even more pain. Jason, my dudgeon master and best friend, yelled at the guys to give me room. "Get back, GET BACK! Alex, call an ambulance!" He kept my head level and held my hand tight to keep me grounded but it wasn't... It didn't work too well as it was keeping me aware of my state of being and all I can do is groan my complaints as all I can do is count the minutes.
"J-Jason, I left so much fucking porn on my computer, you gotta destroy the hard drive dude." It hurts s-so bad, gah this is a deep pain, I hate this pain! I was beginning to hear a robotic voice in my head, which would have been cool if I wasn't dyeing. Request confirmed. Pain resistance calculation online, implementing stab, cut, and bludgeoning resistance... Success, acquisition Searching for owner's hard drive... Failure due to insufficient data, the electrical device cannot be destroyed as it is not in range. Implementing alternate skill as amending measure... Success, now resistant to electrical damage and paralysis. Th-The heat, can't stand the fffffucking heat! Request confirmed. Heat resistance acquisition successful. Damn it shut up, I'm trying to save my energy, which I'm running out of fast, getting so tired. Everything hurts so much, I'm losing allot of blood. Request confirmed, pain nullification implemented, creating body that will not require blood... Success! Implementing skill fatigue resistance Oh would you just shut up Jacey, this is no time for jokes. Getting so cold. Request confirmed, acquiring resistance to heat and cold damage. Success, results to acquiring an new skill, thermal fluctuation resistance acquired and implemented. "Hah hah, gonna f-fucking die, Jason don't tell my folks at home that I died to a fucking My Little pony truck, make it sound awesome. COUGH COUGH COUGH!"
Jason tried to hold back his tears so that he can speak. "I will buddy, anything for you! (Sniff) I just tell them that you were being a dumbass hero in rescuing complete strangers! Just Please, don't leave us! We need our Rogue Paladin! PLEASE!"
"Heheheh- COUGH COUGH! Th-That reminds me, take care of silver fang, that Hellwolf is going to miss me, he may not be able to understand that I'm gone so be sure to feed him." Unique skill acquired, speak with animals, succesful. Shit, should have been more assertive, now I'm gonna die a virgin at 36, can you believe it? If I'm gonna be reborn, I'm gonna hunt down any attractive potential partner I see and give them the ride of their life. I might even work on a tan to be literally red skin. Unique skill acquired, predator has been implemented. Customizing new body for request... Success! Another thing that I remembered, a guy can be a magician if he was still a virgin, maybe if survived to 40 i would have been a great sage equal to heaven like Sun Wukong. Extra skill, Sage, has been successfully acquired. Continuing to evolve skill to unique skill great sage... S-S-S-Successful. Shut up will ya, I need some... Peace and quiet I felt my heartrate slowed, getting colder and colder, and the numbers I counted were the seconds to the minutes. When I got to 5, all I could hear was the crying of my best friends and the sirens of the ambulance who got there too late... Buck that was too sad of a beginning.
The next thing I know, I was falling through the air, not feeling either my hands or feet to balance myself out, hell I couldn't even see! "buuuuuuUUuuuUUUUAAAAAAAAAAACK!" I finally hit rock bottom of whatever I was falling to and felt myself bounce a few times. "OOF! Oww... Wait... That didn't even hurt. I'm not even hurting from the truck hitting me anymore! What the Tartarus!? Tartarus? Why the Buck can't I say- BUCK!? Oh my gods, What has happen to me!? WHERE THE BUCK AM I!?" Aaaaaand end of chapter because screw you sage, I'm tired. This was emotionally exhausting to record.
Author's Note
This took me all night to get done, it's a good start honestly. Maybe I can count this as practice before becoming an actual writer. You can be critical if you want but go easy on me, first time writing.
View Online
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
Chapter 2: Well being bored sucks worse than dieing, am I in Hell? And what the hell is with this dead dragon!?
Here we go again with this crap, I'm back and refreshed from having an emotional moment during my down time... What? A man can cry at times to vent his stress just not as often as one would like... Well Buck you too sage, I didn't ask for your opinion. Now where was I? Oh right, I fell into the world, screaming in my head like a baby and completely losing my crap. "Why me, why ME!? Where's my arms and legs, where's my body that I have been working on, where the Tartarus happened am I and why am I saying crap like this!? I can't swear correctly!" Answer: You have been reincarnated into another world, one with a language filter, as a red slime. "... Who the buck said that!? Who are you!?" Answer: I did. I am your skill, The Great Sage, that you requested for your new body before you died. "Before I... Wait wait wait, are you saying that I'm dead? And now I'm a bucking common monster!?" Answer: Not so common. Red slimes are very rare in many worlds as it apparently is in this world. "Yeah well you forgot to add eyesight genius! And now I have to move around by touch, congratulations you just made a shiny blind pokemon!" I started slinking around. ... I might have made a minor error. "Minor doesn't begin to describe it."
I've continue to slink along the ground, Picking up random plants and rocks and dissolving them, I may not have a stomach or a sense of taste anymore but it certainly feels filling. But a problem there in arose... I was bucking bored. "Hey sage, I just remembered something. are you the same sage model that was given to Rimuru Tempest before he died?" Answer: After reading through your memories, not exactly, every sage given to their owner adapts to their memories and/or personality. I am of the same build, not of the same model. "Oh so that means you're like a snowflake as you are unique. Correct. "Are you similar enough to analyze everything I dissolved and make use of?" Correct. "As Ace Ventura would say, Well alrighty then! Let's light this candle up and make some crap!"
"... Could you analyze the language filter too? It's driving me crazy!" Program running to find a way around language filter, estimated time... 1000 years. "A thousand YEARS!? I REALLY AM IN TARTARTUS!" After that breakdown, we got to work on leveling up some stuff in my stats as was shown in my mind, as far as I am aware I had similar stats as one of my favorite anime characters only difference is I am not backing down from the oath I made back at earth, as soon as I can learn about how to see I'm going to hunt down any and all attractive mates and get it on like Donkey Kong! And yes I know that was a cringy saying but it works in subtexts.
And this is the part where not only I discovered making mana potions but health potions, and paper too, it seems there is no limit to what Great Sage is capable of doing, it's like Minecraft on easy mode as long as I'm capable of getting the right ingredients I can make it. Well great sage can, I'm just the mouth that gets crap done. I don't know how long I've been down in this... rocky crevice or cave or whatever, but I've got to come out at some point... I'm beginning to get bored again, believe me you wouldn't like a nerd when he or she gets bored... If I'm a slime, does that mean I'm gender fluid? And there in lies the dangerous thoughts. "Nope nope nope nope nope, that way lays drag-OOOOOOOONS!" And just like that I was already falling into trouble, which was a body of water, for a moment I thought I was going to drown but as it turns out, I didn't need to breathe, thank the gods I thought I was about to die again, but I had a new problem, I couldn't bucking move.
Heh, at this point I could prove, disprove, and prove again the theory of the anime protagonist curse because I'm living in it. I mean a lake, in the middle of the cave, how much bad luck could get!? "Well I'm in room temperature water now." (¬_¬ ) "What? I can't really feel the cold so the puns aren't accessible to me. And since when can you Emote?" I am adapting. "Grrrrr, if only I had... Wait, I'm basically Kirby here! Just do what he would do and,,," Insert go-go gadget vacuum cleaner before turning into a water jet propulsed cherry red jell-o bullet. "YEEEHAAAA!" course the only problem with that... Still can't see. "Crap, buck, crap crap CRAP, BUCK BUCK BUCK I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM GOING!" I screamed in my head as I bounced along the surface of the water, before hitting the bank at mark SWEET BUDDHA! "Ow, gah, gmff, oof, gaof! Haaah haah, I know that it didn't hurt very much but it still stung and was disorienting."
I looked around or rather bounced around and feeling something poking at the bottom of my body. "Sage, analysis?" Analyzing... Conclusion, you are standing on top of the bones of a dead dragon. "Dragon!?" Yes that is exactly what I said. It got me to thinking about my situation. Well so much for making a dragon friend, but maybe... "Sage, if I were to eat up this pile of dragon bones, could I possibly gain it's abilities? Including sight?" Calculating... ... ... there is a 50% chance that if the bone's marrow is still fresh, you may gain it's abilities but there is another 50% chance that it would just be useful for armor, weapons, and various tools. I decided to be a sassy bitch when I heard it. "So what percent chance would there be if it's both?" He was quiet for a bit before he spoke up again. That was a poor taste of humor. "Now you're getting it. Alright, never thought that I could be eating like a hyena but... Yeah." I proceeded to eat the bones and the thing that bothered me the most was the crunch as I dissolved them. "Ugh do you have to add the crunch?" Just trying to add to the experience for you. "... That was a poor taste of humor, and I couldn't be more proud." Eating the bones took a while, did you know that dragons had more bones than a t-rex and a pterodactyl? I just found that out myself before I reached the skull, and that was a pain to eat!
After finally dissolving the last of the dragon bones, and sage to analyzing whatever DNA that was left over, a new voice sort of popped into my head. "WHOOOO DARES DESECRATE MY REMAINS!?" I did not have the time nor the patience to deal with a new hitch hiker.
"Hey! I did not die and come back to life just to get another literal headache! Your bones are free game, and to me you're just another road bump in my quest to get a girl, or a guy not discriminating, to do that though I need to see and speak, and I am not going to be impeded by a freaking DRAGON GHOST THAT WON'T REALIZE THAT IT'S DEAD! Haaah haaah haaah."
"What the buuuuuck!? WHY IS EVERYTHING CARTOONY!? SAGE DID YOU FREAKING BREAK MY BRAIN!? I assure you I am not responsible for your field of site to perceive the world as it is. "WELL THATS JUST GREAT! (sigh) Well, what abilities do I get?" Sage lists off some of the abilities which were fire dragon based, impact horn, infernal blaze, slash if I get claws and many other things but I'll save them for now... "Oh right! I can shapeshift! But maybe not right now, need to hunt monster bugs. Rest in peace noble dragon, I'll take care of things in your place. Oh by the way, can you give me a name? I already thought of the first name, It should be Jack."
"Hmmm, well then you should take my surname then. From here on out, your name shall be known as... JACK INFERNKIGHT!" After getting a good luck blessing and a renaming (Which gave my stats a boost) from the dragon spirit, I went off to go hunt cuz this little Kirby knock-off is hungry and wants to feed! Even though I got adopted into the dragon's family name, it did make me forget all about my phobia of bugs.
Author's Note
Took a couple days but I finished this chapter, probably won't be able to publish the book yet but next chapter definitely will have some semblance of ponies in it.
View Online
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
Chapter three: ... Ponyworld? How ironic... And I'm completely stupid that I made that vow.
I bet you're thinking that I should make these chapters longer and get to the good parts, well sorry to disappoint but this is my story and I have been repressed at my ssssshhhhhhh- Gah! Fine, my crap job so I am going to tell this story any way I like it. Anyway, After getting the blessing, and many other things from eating the dragon bones, I set off to explore, conquer, and devour. First I ran into a spider and a snake, common low-level monsters that were no match for a quick little guy like me. After getting the sense of sight through magic, I've been able to learn on how to conjure up water blades by gathering the moisture in the air, because it's an easier type of magic that I can use for my species, and served some slicing and dicing on some dinner, seeing them fall apart into pieces of meat and bone made me salivate in hunger... At least I think. "Hehe, you'd think that I would be disgusted by all these monster guts. CHOMP! Gulp! Even though I don't have a tongue anymore, it would almost taste like greasy hamburgers." That's because if prepared properly, ground meat would be suitable for human consumption. "The culinary expert everyone, if I want to ask for a snake and spider burger I'll ask you for one." By the way, you gained the abilities silk spinner and venom spit. After taking a look at both, I decided to save them for later, I'm not much of a ninja, more like a samurai that uses large knives.
I explored further into the cave only to run into a rock centipede, to which I can only smile to myself and laugh... On the inside. "OHOHOhohohohoho! Buddy this is not your day! Silk spinner!" I bounced all over the place as I shot the silk strands of slices, thin as a thread but hard as metal! I think I make a better slime than my ancestor! Careful master, pride comes first before the fall. He had to be right, because even though the Bucking Bug was chopped into pieces, it can survive without a body as its head was coming straight for me. "Stubborn little crap ain't ya, you do realize that's plagiarism you're doing! CHOMP!" I ate that thing like an apple dumpling without hesitation... I probably need a psychiatrist when I get to the nearest town. Eating a bug nonchalantly is no way normal I cooked the rest with my fire-breathing ability and ate it up just in case.
Passive Ability acquired, Stubborn immortal... Skill Devoured by regeneration to evolve into instant regeneration. "Devoured? That's new, usually things like don't happen that unless I'm at a higher level. Did I level up or something? Ah whatever, need to find a monster Bat so that I can talk normally." But master, are you not communicating regularly? "I meant with an actual voice, hate to say it but I miss making casual conversation with People."
As a matter of fact, I was feeling a little desperate for an actual conversation, and let me tell you I was combing every place and chamber the cave had to offer, I could have appreciated starting off from level zero, but I could have been given a warning that I was going to die and come back as a customized slime. Ah the past is the past now. When we did finally found a bat monster, the sound it produced was so irritatingly loud I thought I was going to shake apart or melt like jello from sitting out for too long. So I thought to myself Time to shut this Bat the buck up! before attacking it with a triple-whammy combo. The wings were the first to go with the venom spit, his feet and body were immobilized by the silk spinner ability, and then to finally finish it off, "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!" SHWING, SPLASH! Eh? Eh? See what I did there? ... Okay I slashed the head with the water blade.
"Finally, time to eat. CHOMP!" You know how I said that the monsters tastes like greasy and juicy hamburgers? Well this one tasted like a bacon-wrapped burger even though I never had that kind in my life, guess it's because of how satisfying it is to gain its ability to make sounds, use radar and echolocation to detect any living thing, or map out an area without the need to use up any magic. Buuuut most importantly. "YYYYYAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN FINALLY BUCKING TALK- Oop Too loud. (Ahem) I always wanted to say this, take me to your leader! Hehehehehahaha! ... Say, Sage, can I adjust the voice modulation so that I don't sound like a bucking chipmunk?
Processing... It is possible but you will have to master your voice for a few years. "Well that's just bucking great- No, no. I can't be picky, I am very grateful that I am able to talk again, no time like the present to practice and get my voice back Let's find our way out of here now. A B C, D comes after but is before E..." I essentially talked as I used Echo location to find a way out of this ravine and came upon the way out of this figurative Tartarus hole... I've really got to get that language filter off me. Oop, forgot the side note, I've been using the quotations earlier because grammar suggests that I can't just be talking to Sage without people knowing so shut up about it.
Okay, I've got the place committed to memory thanks to Sage's awesome programming skill, still jealous of it, and revisited the place where I was making some mana potions. What? I felt a little light after fighting 3 giant monsters, they may have been easy to merc but a guy still needs to replenish his supplies. I ate almost all of the flowers and herbs but I left enough for the flora to repopulate. "I may yet return flowery subjects to finish the job, so enjoy your reprive... For now. Muwahahahahaha!" Yeah I know that sounded more menacing than I thought, but you have to admit that it was a good line, besides I was well on my way to becoming a lecherous demon lord so why not take a few liberties? Anyway, after that tidbit and a grueling and tedious search, finally found a way out of this gods forsaken ditch before going through an opening... What I didn't expect was that I would be looking on an outside of a mountain range onto something so familiar while on a mountain ledge. "What? ...What!? ... WHAAAAAAAAT!?" The familiarity was not lost on me as I recognized the cartoon reality's art style. "I'm in a bucking my little Pony Cartoon!?" Did I happen to mention I used to be a Brony?
Master, do please calm down. "Calm down, CALM DOWN!? I'm in one of the most dangerous realities in this side of the bucking existence!" That does not seem to match up with my data I collected from your memories. "Let me put it to you this way, demons, sorcerers, magical and dangerous creatures, shape-shifting reality bending gods, minotaurs, dangerous forest full of zombie stick puppers and cockatrice, hydras! Plus Unicorns, Pegasi, and ultra strong equestrians. Any of this getting through to you? Ah, I now see your point. "I'm glad you finally realize a reality like this can be a death trap, especially with the... Wait, the carbon dating like this is all wrong, the Everfree Forest is supposed to be bigger than it is and that castle... Is supposed to be in ruins and moved up to the mountains. Oh crab baskets I think I know when we are." I have concluded the same speculation, we are about 1000 years too early.
"Just. My. Bucking. Luck." A thousand years ahead of schedule and it only took me a few weeks to get out of there, can you believe that? I mean there was a point in my life when I wanted to come to this world but I had no way of surviving it without at least an understanding of magic back then so I had to abandon the thought, but now that I'm here... Well I was still terrified but at least now I have what I need to defend myself. I made my way down the mountain, hopping from ledge to ledge and siding down a flat surface at one time, before reaching the bottom by the edge of the forest... the hard way. "OOF! Good thing the pain nullifier is in action or I would be writhing in pain right about now. Wait, before I go any further, I need to make a plan here. Usually that's for my friend Jason/DM of DND, to make but he's not here. I hope that Jason destroyed that hardware, don't want to give my folks a heart attack." Maybe I can make a plan for you. "Go right ahead I'm all ears... Not literally." We simply wait for the years to pass. "huh?" It is simple, we simply find a safe place go to, make sure we have plenty of protection and spell wards, and we simply wait for a thousand years to pass so that we can arrive at the desired time and date. "You speak as though we are to travel through time." Is that not what we want to do? "Ai, I suppose you have a point, but it's not really what I had in mind. We'll need some minions to watch over my body.
With that thought in mind, I mindlessly bounded along the Everfree forest not worrying about my surroundings like a careless idiot in search of a worthy home until I noticed something hunting me. "Shoot, just forgot adventuring 101, always check your six stupid." I expanded my magic sense and used my echolocation to see that I totally got surrounded by the wooden figures. Ah crab baskets, Timberwolves, literal Timberwolves. I got ready to fight but something felt off, their stats were formidable but their battle sense was giving off vibes of noobs judging by their levels. They finally came out of the foliage and I managed to easily dodge the swipe and I got a good look at my attacker. "Oh you gotta be kidding me, I'm fighting puppies!?" At that moment when I opened my mouth, the rest of them showed themselves, 20 Timberpuppies in all. Each of them trying to look ferocious to hide their fear. I can easily dodge them for as long as I needed as I can't get tired but I can't let this pitiful display go on like this Sooooo... Hey I didn't hit them that hard, I may be a slime but I'm not an emotionless monster. After a bit of thinking I decided not blame these pups as they are only defending their territory, but I smacked them away to get them to stop their senseless attacks. "That is enough! No more attacks, you may have strength but you do not have the focus to use it!" I was using my speak with animals skill to get the point across though the sheer volume of my voice may have made them quiver in fear as it got their attention. The leader of the wooden puppy pack stepped forward to speak.
"Why are you here? If it's to take us on and take over, we'll fight to our last flame monster!" "Monster!?" I yelled very appalled at the assumption of being a monster, but they're not kidding, thanks to my magic sense they have a sort of magical fire to keep them alive. "What's with the name calling huh!? I don't call you such insults as that, how would you like it if I called you whelps or match sticks!?" "We..." They were really shaking like wooden wind chimes. "We only said so because of your presence" I was a bit shocked at what they said and I just remembered something. Hey Sage, is my... my fly way open? In other words my aura affecting my surroundings? Analyzing... I'm affraid so. Crap, pull it back in, pull it back in, PULL IT BACK IN! Stand by. As that happens, I could feel the tension on my body increase as my aura gets sucked back into my body, do not take that out of context. "There, that better?"
The wooden pups finally calmed down and stopped shaking... mostly. "Yes, but still what is a... Slime such as yourself doing here? Are you a... God in disguise?" I just put on a smug look, or as much as my blank face would allow before speaking in a much lowered volume. "I was just passing through looking for a place to hibernate for a thousand years, I only had arrived way too early. I can only say that I am on my way to be stronger as a demon lord, but that is not the reason I am here, I made a vow to hunt down any potential mate material and give them a ride of their life!" That statement made a few of them shake again and take a few steps back. "Oh no no, not you guys, not into wood." They relaxed again but they looked to each other as if they are having a conversation on fast forward. "We... may have a need for assistance from a slime with your caliber." If I still had eyebrows One of them would be up a mile long? "Really, what would be in it for me?" "... Anything you would desire. We'll even call you master if you wish, but please help us." Well if that is the case, I'm gonna need to take advantage of this opportunity. "Very well, then I want to have the chance to name you guys and train you to become stronger. Now what is the problem?" If the pups were able to express anything, it would be of concern of whether or not they made a right decision. "We... have an infestation of mushrooms"
That left me flabbergasted. "What, Mushrooms? You bucking with me?" And that is enough for now.
Author's Note
Okay whoever said that writing is easy is BULLSHITTING!
View Online
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
Chapter 4: Welp mushrooms on pizza is ruined for me. At least I got pups.
Okay, So a little reminder little viewers, if you are skipping ahead, I'll give you the rundown. Was Daniel Harthing, now Jack Inferknight, killed by Japanese MLP supply asshole truck, and now I'm an OP slime with a computer voice great sage as my bucking hitchhiker. We caught up, good? Good. "Okay, explain it to me one more time, What is this about mushrooms?" The timberpuppies rolled their eyes as they are... Adolescent technically. "Parasite mushrooms have infected the adult Timberwolves and the life force of the forest is in danger of the infected trying to destroy it." "Of course it is." Of all the inconvenient things, a bucking side quest had to show up. Well I can't just ignore it otherwise it will somehow come back and bite me in the behind. Gods I wish I could swear. "Alright, show me the way pups-" "Don't call us pups! We're old enough to be a pack." "Pardon me then, but let's get going, more time we waste, the less we have to reverse this fungal plague." They led the way to the supposed life force of the forest, I knew that somehow the woods were alive in some magical way, but a physical manifestation of said life force was something I was not expecting.
We traveled along a beaten path but I stopped us immediately as I sensed something wrong with my magic sense. "Hey, Wait, STOP!" We skidded to a halt. "What could we be stopping for?" "What, you don't have magic sense? We're being followed." The pups smelled the air as if to get the scent before the leader spoke up. "How can you tell? We can't smell anything." I was starting to think they were running on luck this whole time. "Just trust me, don't rely on your noses, you have other senses as well." We waited a bit until my echolocation picked up on a twig snapping before a large sickly timberwolf appeared out of nowhere. "Scatter!" We all dodged out of the way and surrounded the zombie tree dog. The leader of the Timberpuppies decided to be a man and step up. "I'll handle this!" The idiot is going to get himself infected! "No, stay back! This is just what I need to help. Come on you big stupid mutt, one red slime on the buffet!" I taunted the mushroom zombie into a trap to get him closer and closer he came... Well actually he charged at me and I only had a a split second to use my unique skill. "PREDATOR!"
With one chomp I ate the mushroom zombie wolf buuuuuut "OOOOOOOOAAAAAAWWWW GROOOOOOOOOSS! Why did it feel like I ate mushroom pizza, gross gross GROSS! If I were able to I'd be spitting so many profanities! BUCK!" I was so glad I didn't have taste buds, I wouldn't subject anyone to that kind of torture, even to my own worse enemies. Hey sage, can you give me an analysis? Analysis in progress... Completed. You are now able to mimic the creature Timberwolf and gained its abilities as thought communication, pack mentality, and intimidation which has been evolved into menacing. The fungal plague has been isolated and a cure has been produced. I immediately used the mimicry skill to turn into a large timberwolf. "Hoooooo, that feels good." "W-What did you just do!? huh, I actually made the pup stammer, there is a god after all. "I just became a timberwolf and found a cure using the herbs I stored in my body. Come on, we have a forest to cure!" The pups were shocked at me eating one of their elders as we continued but the old treebark had lost its flame a long time ago so it's survival of the fittest for those who are willing to go far, they had to understand that sooner or later.
As soon as we arrived, I was in a bit of a shock myself when I saw the life force, A really, really, big bucking oak tree with a green flame coming from within. I certainly don't have any complaints about the look, it looks bucking awesome. If you have the looks one should have for a great title you should flaunt it. "Are you the one known as Jack Inferknight?" A voice that is talking inside my head demanded, it seemed to have used the skill thought communication since I've taken in the form of a Timberwolf. "Whoa! ... Oooookay. Yes, I am. Who am I speaking to?" I am the lifeforce of the forest some would call the Everfree. The physical and spiritual manifestation of all living being beings and spirits of the dead given form. Oh this thing is making it way too easy to come up with a name. "Okay greenie, here's the deal, you have a problem with the zombie wolves right?" ... Correct. "So if I cure them and save the forest, you'll be indebted to me for the rest of my existence?" ... Also correct. "Well alrighty then! After doing the deed I have a special name to give you." The spirit cringed in horror for the name it may receive. "Okay, the plan I have is for your connection to be reestablished to the infected Timberwolves, don't ask me how I know that, just trust me on this."
I made the spirit wary, the miracles keep on coming. "May I ask why you want me to take that risk? "Chachacha, I just readied a potion to help you cure every single one of them but it will need your connection. Heck it will even eradicate the mushrooms that lives inside your forest for good." I am telling telling the truth right? Correct. The potion created will immunize the spirit against the fungal hive infection. Oh good. I sighed in relief as I know if this doesn't work I would be responsible for killing the whole forest and I would feel really bad about that. I raised my wooden paw to take out the potion. "So do I pour this into your roots oooorrrr...?" "Pour the concoction onto my roots and the rest be tossed into my flames." Well that was easy for me, luckily for me I knew a thing or two about human anatomy so that I can make fingers out of the wood of this body I created so that I can hold onto the potion cuz it almost fell out of my bucking ha- er paws. Of course there were a few more... complications when the mushroomwolves decided to jump out of BUCKING nowhere!
"CRABAPPLES! Wolfpack, protect the tree!" Sorry for using wolfpack mentality on you guys but I'd rather not lose future minions to some bad mushroom pizza plague. I carefully tossed the vial to the alpha pup. "You give the tree the potion, I'll hold them off!" The one I swallowed up was slower and older than these ones, How do I know? Well these guys look as if they're USING BUCKING FLASH STEP! How come these guys are faster than I can see them!? Answer, they are in their prime. THAT'S NOT A GOOD ANSWER, I'M IN MY PRIME! Asshole Sage. Yeah I meant for you to hear that, I had to learn flash step as I dodged their bites so that I don't turn into a mushroom zombie all because of your lazy explanations, stupid computer glitch! While I was keeping them busy with speed that was barely visible to the naked eye, the alpha pup was carefully pouring the concoction on the roots as the rest of the pups hid.
"I... I'm not sure I'm even doing this right!" Take your time young one, keep your focus, we are all fighting for survival so you are not alone. I hoped that wise wisdom the lifeforce gave was inspirational enough to get the pup's confidence in gear cuz I was running out of steam fast. Just when I was backed into the corner, the kid pull through and the wolves backed down from feeling some pain that was produced by the lifeforce of the forest. "About dang time! That's what you get when you mess with alchemy!" I watched as the mushrooms withered and melt off of the wolves, their glowing eyes taking back their supernatural green instead of that freaky purple. "Feeling better Lifeforce?" "Indeed, we feel so much better. And now a deal is a deal." The Timberwolves from all around gathered as soon as they scraped off the mush and bowed their heads.
"Hehe, you know you don't really have to make a big deal out of this." "Oh but we do, you have brought us our salvation and we shall serve under you. Tell us, what names will you give the lifeforce, the very soul of the forest, oh master Jack Inferknight?" You know that moment where you had that one name you picked out for the kid you always wanted but you somehow lost the name... Well it almost happened but I got it back. "I would like to give two names." The Timberwolves looked to each other in confusion before the lifeforce spoke up. "Are you quite certain? The strain may be too much for you if you were to name two groups." After I transformed back to my red slime form, I give a smirk, or as best one I can manage with my slimy face. "Hmhmhm, I'm much more durable than you think. Alright, for the lifeforce of the forest, I dub thee the flame of Evergreen." Now I know what you're thinking, how is naming something so dangerous? Well to answer that, it consumes a good chunk of magical power, leaving the namer very drained and I had to do that twice.
The wood of the tree glowed for a few seconds and... well nothing initially happened at first but the wolves did perk up, almost as if smiling and I felt a bit... How do I say it? Like I was up most of the night without realizing what time it was. "Thank you lord Inferknight, it is an honor to received such a splendid name." That was before I moved onto the pups, and boy howdy were they excited with a capital E as I see their tails wagging. "And now for the brave young warriors that helped the Flame in stopping the fungal scourge. I shall call the leader Jingoku no Kiba Kishi or Jing and Jingo for short just to give my family name... Whoooaaaa..." After the initial glow I felt like I went a few rounds with a train and felt like dozing off." OOOoooh boy. "Great master Jack!" I couldn't fight it anymore, I was slipping into the unconscious.
When I woke up, I seemed to be inside of a tree stump. Guess the gods or whatever took pity on me and didn't let me die a ridiculous way, who ever heard of a guy dying just because he was too stupid to wait on recharge before giving names? Outrageous am I right? Course I heard a gruff name call out to me. "Master Jack, you're awake!" "Of course I'm awake, isn't that obvious- WHOA!" Is all I could respond at the time when I saw Jing as a large... Well he wasn't exactly a timberwolf anymore, I didn't think he would evolve into a full grown wooden adult wolf with some hellish flame covering their neck like a mane. "Jing, that you?" Of course it is master, thanks to you, my comrades have become more than Timberwolves, we are now Emberwolves of the Hellflame!" Due to the nature of your surname, the timberwolves have evolved into the most appropriate creature befitting of the name Inferknight "Wow, good for you! And your comrades as well, this is cause for a celebration! I'm guessing this is because of you being able to move as one entity?" The hellflame Emberwolf wagged his tail all excited. "Exactly master! The moment we connected was a shock but knowing your intentions were to save us finally made me believe you are a good slime! So what is our next move.
I Simply smiled (or as much as my slime face could allow.) as I pointed to the edge of the forest. "To find a good place to nap of course, and I have one place in mind." I practically chuckled at the challenge those ponies would bring, boy will they be surprised when they see an overpowered slime and the escort of hellwolves waltz right in to declare the whole castle the napping spot for the next thousand years.
Back at the castle, the princesses became aware that a sinister and lecherous entity was coming for them and princess Celestia could only utter under her breath. "Great mother of me, that is... Sister this could be one of our greatest challenges yet." Her sister Luna responded in kind. "We agree, possibly even bigger than the chaos bringer. Let us hope that whoever is out there will let us walk away with some dignity intact."
Author's Note
Another week, another chapter, this is getting too much. But i made a commitment and I'm staying the course.
View Online
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
chapter 5: So I have found the one place to sleep... but there was a bit of a snag.
Me and my bucking mouth. Should have known this wasn't gonna be easy the moment I even considered trying to take the castle, which belonged to two of the most powerful equestrians in this world, and now I'm faced with a dangerous situation of possible eradication. But before we go Into that, we rewind to meeting up with the the lifeforce of the forest which is now called the Flame of Evergreen thanks to yours truly. I have to admit their look changed a bit more drastically than I ever would have imagined, the tree looked 20 feet bigger and 100 feet taller while twisted a little like there were multiple trees growing into it, there was more green in the leaves while being a bigger canvas, and best of all, the green flames were entirely swirling through the branches and leaves without burning them, even the squirrels were enjoying their flowing glow. "I see you're enjoying your new form." A portion of the flames split off and reached down before forming itself into a slender and very green equestrian, if dryads could look like any horse, it would be Shire Akhal-Teke horses crossbreeds. "Well with a new name comes with a new form, and we- I mean I am enjoying this very much. I've evolved from being the very soul of the forest and I can see everything that I've never seen before, I can finally enjoy everything about my forest!" Oh boy, hope I didn't cause an infraction in the TSC (Time stream continuum) cuz the forest will have to take over the castle in the future.
"Glad I can help." It probably might be the loneliness talking but their figure was looking... Enticing. Dang that's one heck of a figure. Rrrowr. Evergreen smirked as they knew what I was thinking. "Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. I was taken aback as I didn't know I was using telepathy. "Whoops, sorry. You were not meant to hear that. Ahem, I will need help." They raised an eyebrow. "Of course, whatever you will need." "I will need someone to carry a message for me to the occupants of the castle over yonder so that I don't seem like I'm invading." Evergreen hummed to themselves before summoning up a piece of bark and burned in a message in a language that I clearly cannot read, typical, I have the auto translator for animals but not for foreign written language.
"That should do it, they should be expecting you and not raising a spear at you immediately." They have a bird take the bark to the castle. But just incase I needed to make sure there are no misundersatdings, I check by asking. "Exactly... What did you wright down?" They looked at me with a tilted head. "I simply wrote the future demon lord will be coming over to make himself known." "Oh thank goodness, I thought it was gonna be..." At that moment realization hits like a ton of bricks. "Oh shiitake mushrooms fudge, I don't think you realize the gravity of what you have done." I walked away muttering some PG curse words before getting ready to... Meet some princesses. I was a total nervous wreck, been quite a long while since I talked to a single soul that was relatively human so I will have to look the part of demon lord, only I have no idea how to do that since I don't have a FFFFFFFUDGING PONY ANALYZED! Thankfully, luck was on my side as Jingo sounded off.
"Master Jack, we have an intruder!" It cant possibly be that easy, could it? "Bring them to me, I want to know who would dare walk into the deep dark woods." I bounced along the path that lead me to my pack of Emberwolves and what seemed like a dark red furred unicorn and boy he was sloshed, guess he was hitting the apple cider pretty hard. "Unhamd ne yah son of a baboon! *Hic! Don't cha know who I am!?" I could tell that he was gonna be trouble if we don't get rid of him, usually drunkards like this guy would spout of that nonsense because they are unnamed wealthy kind that likes to kick people around for fun. so I put on my best door-to-door-salesmen act, or as I like to call it, the devil making a deal. "My friend do I have good news for you, your life is about to take a turn for the better and you'll be making a lot of lives easier, mainly mine but allot of lives too."
"What a-are you talking bout freak?" I disregarded that slur and kept going. "Oh nothing too fancy, I just happen to have all this wealth and not a single pony that knows about economics to share it with. All you have to do is agree to a deal and I will turn your life around." The jerk sobered up a tad and looked at me with hungry and greedy eyes. "Wealth ya say? Hic!* I could use some of that, You got a deal!" I smile as best as I could make my slimy face could manage. "Believe me, your help is most appreciated." Quick as a flash I gobbled him up in one bite and digested the jerk slowly because... well I haven't the fastest metabolism yet and I had to analyze the guy before absorbing him. It was a good thing he couldn't yell out in pain because of the numbing poisons in my body and the alcohol circulating in his, if anything he was feeling nothing but pleasure as he disintegrated from flesh, to bone, and then to nothing. At least the guy went out the way any of us wanted... Yeah. I probably do need a therapist.
"Er... Master, was it necessary to kill him in such a manner? If I had ears at the moment, they would be folded back. "Afraid so Jingo, nobody was going to miss the jerk and I needed the body so that I don't freak everyone out." Analyses complete, Imitation ready for activation. Shall I list you the skills you gained. "Thank you Sage, just let me skim through it." As I had my little transformation sequence, I mentally scrolled through the skills I absorbed from the jerk- GAAAAAH! I'm getting tired of saying that J word! Anyways, the skills I saw was... Utterly useless for fights! What is this, passive aggression, tax fraud!? Nope these are not what i- Ooh subtext... While the skill is not meant for battle it is useful to recognize what currency is being squandered and by who. Okay useful for ruling a kingdom and to find what is missing. I scrolled some more and just found some telekinesis spell and something that I liked better. Aha! Now this skill is more useful. Appraisal! I know that this skill will be useful. Speaking of magic, my eyesight has gotten much more proficient that I can see different colors
"Master... Are you sure you absorbed that pony right? You look very different than him." As a matter of fact, when I snapped back to reality, I got a better look at myself so that I can see what Jingo was talking about. My fur was navy blue, the tail and mane were crimson red and I was at least 6 foot. "Hmmm, not bad, not bad at all. I don't mean to sound narcist but I make this look good. Hey Sage, mind producing a mirror?" A mirror of slime was produced so that I can see my face and honestly- "Holy Buddha's barbeque! How did this happen!?" -I wasn't expecting to become a bicorn. I mean the face was ruggedly good looking enough but the horns were unexpected. "Sage, I think appraisal will needed to be used sooner than expected. If you could?" Processing... Appraisal complete. Your bicorn form shares the traits of unicorns such as control of magic. Although the mythology is questionable as they were known to be wicked creatures that ate humans. "Yeah that seemed accurate, any chance of any humans in this world? The probability of a human is... 0%, so not a chance. "Thanks for the percentage accuracy." I should also mention that bicorns are more likely to be can-
"Ah tut tut tut! I don't need to learn that last part, being a meat eater is enough for my conscience to bear. Jingo, I need you to gather 6 of your best pack members and meet me at the entrance of the forest." He stood at attention as he was given an important assignment. "As you command master!" He then ran off to gather his team while I made my way to the entrance, it gave me time to mull over what I have. Hmmm, I seem to be evolving faster than intended, I mean I'm not ingesting magicules like crazy as magical minerals are replaced by- Oh my gods I'm a solar panel for magical energy! "Sage, emergency situation, I need to slow down the consumption of the magical energy." Three steps ahead of you jack. As you were contemplating, I've done a recent scan on your biology. It seems that your body was accumulating a massive amount of energy so I have adjusted your consumption and output of magical energy before you reached critical mass. "Well that's a relief, thank you for that sage. This is why I want to call you the great sage equal to heaven." I don't know how but that made him smug, also don't know if it was a good thing or not but I don't have time to worry about it.
When I got to the entrance of the forest, Jingo was there waiting for me wagging his ember fire tail being a good boy. Yes I said that Jingo was a good boy now shut up, all dogos are good boys, wild or not. I had gathered the best of my pack master! We're ready to go! I smiled because of the golden retriever vibes Jingo was producing. "Good boy Jingo, let's be on our way. OOP! Almost forgot, everyone just follow behind in defensive formation." Better to be safe than sorry. We made our way out in a nonaggressive formation down the roads. 5 minutes in, and already there was a bucking awkward silence. "Soooo... Ever wanted to start a civilization?" Jingo looked at me with curiosity. "Actually nevermind, probably would be too much trouble to to keep track of."
"Maybe not as dificult as you think master, with pack mentality you can keep track of anyone that is a member of your kingdom or province. "Jingo you certified, beautiful, good boy genius! That can make things easier for all of us when we get more members in the future!" We talked on the way to the castle until we arrived. Gotta say, it's actually impressive for a pony made stone piled fortress when it's not in ruins. When we approached two of the guards standing by the gate had their spears raised, I can tell they were plenty trained to never show fear but they do reek of it, super smell does have it's benefits. "Halt, identify yourselves!" Well this is gonna be a classic *scare the guards to run* bit or however they call it. So since there is no point in hiding who I am as they saw my horns, I might as well introduce myself in the most villainous way possible just for fun. I gave one of those anime side smiles and activated one of the skills I wanted to try as a trial run. Skill activate, Menacing! "Why, didn't your princesses tell you? I'm Jack Inferknight, the one who demands to speak to them. Are you going to let me in or do I have to lodge a complaint?" The invisible aura flowed through them and they proceeded to empty their bladders while their pupils went small along with their irises. Casualty report: 13 ponies became confused, 7 fainted, 20 ran away, and 15 soiled themselves before they could reach a bathroom. I don't think I needed to know that last part sage, but still that was hilarious.
What's left of the guards that were conscious or otherwise kept their composure spilled out of the gate to surround us with spears and flying swords, otherwise a good start in my case. "You are under arrest for causing a disturbance to the peace, and making some of our militants to empty their bowls Barbarian Bicorn!" When all was said and don, Jingo used thought communication so as to ask, Shall we tear them apart master? They are pointing their spears at us. That would be a good case of self defense, but no. This is a surefire way to get us to the princesses, one way or another we have to tell them... Something. I just realized, how do I explain to two demigod princesses that I need to borrow their soon to be ruined castle for a thousand year nap? I have a feeling that I just bumbled myself into trouble. "Hehe, sorry. It's been a while since I've been social to other ponies, I merely forgotten how to act around others."
The guards looked at each other in confusion before the leader spoke up, "Well in any case we still have to escort you inside, whatever you did made several citizens embarrass themselves by emptying their bowels." On that note, I agreed to come along but my Emberwolves insisted to form a circle around me for protection sake. The view of the castle is amazing though, not covered in moss and mold and everything is brighter... But I was getting the feeling that there was a dark force coming from where I was headed, it was almost as bad as my sister's when she was on the red river. Oh buck, I'm having a bad feeling about this... Oh well, worry for future jack I suppose. We go through great halls, see some paintings, I think we passed by the kitchen once before arriving at the throne room with the sister rulers sitting in said thrones.
Jack Inferknight. The sister in white, Celestia, announced. We have been expecting you. And there's the younger sister in blue, Luna. Had I not be in a situation where they could vaporize me, I would find their physique alluring... Oh what the Tartarus, of course I do. Though I can't let that intimidate me in the least, I got an image to protect. "Let me guess, you sensed my charming personality sweet cheeks?" I give a friendly grin, or the best as I could give one considering how long it's been since I had a face, but that did not amuse the monarch sisters really, in fact it might have made one of the sisters more irate as Luna lifted up the bark letter. "This pelted me by one of the wild birds from the Everfree forest." I couldn't help but cringe at that. "Ooh, sorry about that. Kinda new at being a leader of a forest, or anything really." She rolled her eyes before looking to Celestia. "Sister, is this really the malevolent spirit that we sensed? He seems more like a perverted bicorn that has no idea what he is doing, I say we get rid of him the same way we dealt with the spirit of chaos.
"Patience sister, let us not be of haste. The worst he has done is scare the daylights out of the little ponies." It was a good thing that she had more of a level head than Luna. Let us get to the point, who are you really and why have you come here? And also possibly the smartest woman in the room. "If it wouldn't offend your highnesses, I'd rather not show my form around the public eye. Could you tell your guards to leave the room? I'll have mine do the same for the guarantee of trust." Celestia gives a nod to the guards and I've had my Emberwolves take their exit with them. After they exited, I let red vortex surround me as I felt myself shrunk. "If you could, try not to laugh, I'm not exactly a pony that you would expect." After the transformation is complete I hopped over a bit closer so that they could see me as a I am. A red bucking slime.
"Ladies, have no fear or hate, I'm just a friendly slime. Slurp..." Aaaaaah crab apples, the cringe was so strong I could have used it as a bludgeoning weapon. "Ahem, as for the reason I'm here, I need a place to hibernate for a few centuries or maybe a 1000 years. A great evil is coming and I'd rather that I would help put a stop to it because... Well I happen to like this world and I'd rather not have it fall to darkness, plants and some animals can't really survive without sunlight." I was looking directly at Luna at the last part of the sentence. "Are you suggesting something you little- Celestia interrupted her before she could finish. "You certainly have some charm about you Mr. friendly slime, we'll have to discus this issue sometime later. For now, you may stay with us as a guest." Luna looked appalled at the idea to which she "Doth protest". Celestia, ye seriously can't be considering letting a shape-shifting monster stay in our halls! "He could be a great asset to the kingdom dear sister, ye protest too much. We shall have the guards escort you to your room. I gave the most polite bow I could as I turned back into my Bicorn form. "Thank you for hearing me out your royal highnesses. Perhaps we could discuss this more over some wine." That may have seriously ticked off Luna a bit more as the dark presence was back and was directed at me. Seriously, how did Celestia not notice!?
We shall think on it Mr. Inferknight. Have a good rest. Having left the room I just realized that I was hitting on two celestial beings and I had only been reborn, not even a year old and I seem to be hitting all the right marks... Though I think I may have entered a situation where things are gonna get... Dicey. May whatever god, or even buddha himself, watching me spare me some mercy mercy cuz I do not want to face the wrath of a dark empress.
Author's Note
Fucking finally! Another one down and I got the extra paragraphs in. I may have made it dense but at least I was able to explain the reason why Jack was evolving faster than his predecessor has. Phew! I need sleep.
View Online
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
Chapter 6: HOLY BUCK! Everything went tits up! Why is it always so difficult to find a good place to sleep?
Right we caught up? Yeah we caught up, as I am writing this before hibernating for the next thousand years, I'll tell you how things went down during my visit to the castle of the two sisters. It all started with... Sage I am not in the mood nor will I ever be so shut up about that quote I did! If I ever say the word "Slurp" again I will be expecting a punch in the face. Buck my life I'm going to be have allot of teasing if this gets out, or worse if it's from the goodie two shoes Alicorn. Dang though, if only I can spend one day with her in bed and teach her how to be a bad girl... Ahem. Anyway, it went like this, I was going over a few things with my most loyal Emberwolf about what is about to happen. "Master, I do not understand, If you know what is to happen but not when, wouldn't the future change it's events due to your interference?" "Jingo my friend, if I know one thing about the timestream continuum, it's that it never change its course completely. The direction and flow perhaps, but it always goes the same direction."
"I see, thank you for clearing it up." It may not be a full truth, or a complete lie, if I know my Dr. who lore, it can say that time is like everything I said but also at the same time it isn't, timy-wimy stuff and all that crap. We made plans and gone over on what to do with telepathy so no one can overhear us. Jingo, this part of the plan is most crucial, you have to make sure not a single soul interferes with the battle so you have to clear everyone out of the castle. On my life, I nor my pack shall not fail. But what are you to do? I will be joining Celestia as she banishes Luna to the moon, doing what I have to do to give her time to charge the spell. After the plan was complete, I spoke aloud so that whoever was listening would think I was not suspecting a thing. "Everyone get some rest, it's probably gonna be a long negotiation."
And so my team of Emberwolves picked a spot before laying down to sleep. Me, I couldn't sleep a wink, I was honestly too excited and scared out of my mind to sleep, mostly because of being mostly immune to exhaustion, and mostly because of princess moon butt... How the tartarus did that slip by? Anyway I didn't want to be in the territory of the sleep goddess that I clearly ticked off... Though that would be an interesting experiment if I could bed her without literally getting in bed with her, I'd rather not risk my soul getting shredded to pieces while in the realm of dreams. So to pass the time, I stuck with playing with my webs, Cat's cradle is quite interesting when you don't have fingers... Oh! They're not quite hooves either, they're more like paws with hoof nails, quite adorable actually. What, I can't appreciate paw beans? Buck you asshole, I can be soft if I want to be.
We're getting off topic here, a few hours passed as I played with the webs (made the tower of France), my enhanced hearing sensed the hoof stomps of someone closing in. The guard gave a muffled confirmation before knocking on the door. "The princess requires your presence." Oh I know that's going to be trouble for me, they didn't specify which one. I freshened myself up, made sure I didn't stink as I was fresh out of the forest, before leaving the safety of my room to be accompanied to the dining room. The room itself wasn't bad as it had standard feel of style and practicality as there is a long table about 15 feet long adorned with simple three prong candles. "And here I thought royalties would go over the top with this stuff, color me wrong for assuming such things." I hear a chuckle at the other end of the table, and to my relief and little horror, there sat the white princess of the sun about to tease me to no end. "Hmhmhm, Well Mr. Friendly slime, We forgive you for assuming that We would be a pish posh type of royal."
"... I'm never going to live that down am I?" She shook her head no as I took my seat on her left. "May I inquire, where is princess Luna?" She shrugged before giving an answer. "She, being the princess of the night, has some responsibilities raising the moon and watching the dreams of the sleepers. Though recently she began to keep to herself." Uh oh, it's starting sooner than I thought. "You don't say? You don't think she could be envious of your rule of the day?" She looked to me like she was about to say something but she dismissed it as it could make sense to her. After a minute of awkward silence, the food arrived and boy it was like a mini-feast, hay-burgers, pizza, some drinks on the side (some alcohol) and best of all, chocolate moose! I decided that now would be the best time to switch topics. "Ahem, This is quite a spread, do the chefs think royalties are walking stomachs or something?" That got her out of her intense thinking, it's a good start as she did let out a little chuckle.
"Hmhmhm, There you are again with that charm of yours. You best be careful, you might end up breaking
"Heheh, maaaaybe. BUUUURP! Hoo excuse me, that was delicious, even though it wasn't real meat." That caught her off guard, i need to cut back on breaking her expectations or else I would make her think that I'm just too weird to hang with. "We don't know whether to be amazed that you have so much power or just be afraid that you have so power at your disposal and that your diet is omnivorous. I know that you're a friendly slime but still..." Hey sage, any advice on calming her Answer: Just don't show off everything you have and be more on the friendly side. "Ahem, yes I'm an omnivore, but don't worry, I don't intend on eating anyone that are friends or friends of my friends or anyone that is innocent." She relaxed as the information helped her feel at ease. "Thank you for saying so, there aren't many meat-eaters that are friendly to herbivores. They often find themselves as "Superior creatures" and it gets tiring dealing with big Egos like theirs. Even worse when it's from your own kin." She takes a large sip from her wine glass.
"Trust me when I say this, I know where your coming from. I used to work for some lousy bosses when... Well before I arrived in the forest. And before crawling through a dangerous dungeon. "(Sigh) I did not have an easy life I can tell you." She looked at me with some concern as she could see my tired face that translated to this bicorn body. "We- Err, I have a distinct feeling that you may know how I feel on some level, you do have the look of being overworked. The boss monster that you used to work for must have worked you to the core" I have to admit, she was possibly the most intelligent and kind hearted individual I've ever met. I drank the wine in my glass before looking to her, though I know that alcohol won't affect me anymore I couldn't let it go to waste, can't say the same for Celestia though. "You don't really need to know about my past, it's not at all interesting." Celestia, drinking some more of the liquid courage, decided to try and get me to open up. I just had to open up my big fat bucking mouth.
"Oh, but I really do want to get to know you, and I know that you didn't come here on a whim just because you somehow had a premonition of the future. Who are you really? Dang it she's too smart, she can read people and monsters like a big book. "That obvious, should have known you're like a nun that can see behind the lies." I decided to think, buck it, might as well tell the whole truth. "Can you keep a secret?" She nodded as she listened intently. "(Sigh) Alright, the truth is... I'm not of this world, I was infact reborn from another." She was shocked to hear this but she also looked sad that I revealed the fact that I died and reincarnated to here. "I told you you didn't want to know, it's too depressing to recollect on it."
"I've heard of such tales of heroes appearing as if they are from another world, but to be reborn... Your death must have been both tragic and heroic for the gods to give you another chance." I smiled a bit while staring off into the distance before saying, "Yeah, I did save a kid from an out of control vehicle, guess buddha saw that as a worthy deed to be reborn after dealing with evil underpaying corporate bosses and proving my worth through DND as a rogue paladin. Just wish it was by a more peaceful way that wasn't in front of my friends." I heard sniffles for some reason and looked to see that Celestia is crying her eyes out, clearly under the influence of the alcohol as her face was as red as a tomato... No wait, it was more pink than red- Magenta! That's the female dog! Anyways she was losing her control over emotions before she jumped me and nuzzled the hex out of me. "(Sniff sniff) You suffered so much, and then dieing a horrible death only to get thrown into an unfamiliar world as a slime monster, it would be too much for anyone! You poor dear, you didn't deserve this! WAAAAHAAAAHAAAAA!" Well great, I just made a princess cry, great going me. Thank you me.
The guards having no Idea what to do, decided that I should deal with the mess while staying close. Though in this position, my face would be in her breasts as she tried to comfort me if she had breasts on her chest. But alas, she was flat, though her pectoral muscles were somewhat stimulating. "Mmmff, m-miss, while I appreciate the sentiment, you don't have to- MMMF!" Again she shoved my face into her chest as she nuzzled my head. Hic!* Actually I do, I want to h-help you relax and be at peace for once. Come on Mr. friendly slime." She promptly slung me over her back despite how much I would have weighed and carried me to her bedroom while her guards were left more confused. "Miss, I don't mean to be offensive but this is unnecessary- Whoa!" Cue getting thrown into bed like a stuffy and getting topped by the princess of the sun. "Y-Y-Y-Your highness! I-I-I-I don't think this is appropriate!" You would think I was acting bashful in wanting to buck sun butt, but one of the rules my dad had to beat into me was never sleep with a woman under the influence of the fire juice, So I did the next best thing and transformed back to my slime form.
"Why Mr. slime, whatever are you insinuating? Hic!* All I want to do is cuddle with you." And again she nuzzled the hex out of me, though I couldn't help but notice that she was very warm. "Mmmmmm you make such an excellent pillow, not too hot and not too cold, and you can support my neck just right." Guess my thermo-fluctuation skill has more than one use... And even though I'm a degenerate, I can at least be a respectable one and keep my mind out of the bucking gutters! I decided to not fight it and just help her sleep off the alcohol "Well, I suppose staying a while wouldn't hurt." I moved a little to where the both of us could be comfortable before she dozed off to sleep and I followed a bit after even though I didn't need to, so I slipped into meditation. Little did I know, Luna was peeking in on us and she was getting ticked off for some reason.
Dang it to Hex sister, you always get the best ones to have in your bed and now a shameless monster as well! We just had enough of this farce, the ponies never appreciate night, we get all the paperwork dumped on us, and worse we have to sleep lonely nights with nary a touch to our being all because they fear the night. Well we'll show them a good reason of why they should, we shall no longer lower the moon for day to break! She flew off into the night, her transformation to nightmare moon has begun.
A few hours later, my sleep/meditation broke from the sound of groaning and snoring, the result of a bottle of wine with barely anything to eat. Poor princess got a hangover. Hey sage, still got some of that healing potion? Of course, you barely had to use it. I splashed some of the potion on Celestia's forehead and the base of her horn before squeezing out of the kung fu grip she had on me. "Errrrfff!" POP, got sent flying into the wall, I think I left a crack in it. BOOM! "MM! If I didn't have my the pain nullification skill, that would have been painful. And she's still asleep, thank buddha... Wait, sage what time is it? Your chronological clock says 6:53. "Then we got a problem, dawn is not breaking and the guards haven't come marching in to wake the princess. This is bad, really bad!" I had to use my telepathy to wake my wolves. WAKE UP, CODE RED! I REPEAT, CODE RED! EMERGENCY, GET YOUR BUTTS OUT OF BED AND REPORT RIGHT NOW! Hellfire erupted from the floor in front of me before dieing down and revealing my team of seven Emberwolves, Jingo at the front as leader. "Forgive us for not being on time my lord Jack, but why wake us up when it's not yet light?"
"The sun may not be up, but the time for it says otherwise. Remember the plan? It's happening sooner than expected." The Emberwolves looked at each other in surprise before reasserting themselves for the possible fight ahead. "We're ready to do whatever it takes to keep the occupants of this castle safe." I nodded in approval before jumping back on the bed and whispered gently in her ear. "Celestia, I hate to ask you of this while dealing with a hangover, but you need to wake up, please." She stirred a little but she was still asleep. "Whelp I tried." I extended a tentacle before giving her rear-end a good ol' SLAP! "Rise and shine princess!" Heheheheh, that got her engines running alright, she was flushed pink and mad as hex, cute look really. "NEEEEEEEEIGH! What is the meaning of this!? Jack, why did you wake me up in such a manner!?" I retracted my "Arm" and tried my darnest not to laugh out loud as I talked. "My inner chronometer woke me up but the sun hasn't risen nor did dawn break even though it's almost 7, what's most weird is that the moon is not going down either."
The princess was shocked to hear the news before getting out of bed and looked out the window. "Y-You're right, I can't feel the sun, it's stuck. What has my sister done?" I was afraid she was going to say that, but we cant afford to have her having a crisis in her soul. "Princess, I'm sorry that your sister has resorted to such methods, but now is not the time to give into despair. You have a kingdom- Nay, a bucking world to save as half of it will burn and half will freeze if you don't do something. Now how about we get you some coffee so that you can go kick some rump" I didn't have a talent in talking as a leader but I am at least decent at talking sense. She looked to me with the same shocked expression (Probably due to the PG swears) before the gears in her head got back on track and her face hardened into one of determination. "You're right, I must not let selfish thoughts of hindsight and despair cloud my thoughts, I must stop my sister but..."
"You do what you have to do." I jumped off the bed and reformed into my Bicorn form, only this time with batwings. "I'll keep her busy by doing what I do best, be an absolute prick of a rogue... Huh, that made it through." She looked at me like I should be washing my mouth out with soap, eh I probably might have to. "Alright, but don't eat her please, she's my only sister." I gave her a smug look of confidence. "Don't worry, I don't have a diet of hot princesses on my list, but any magics she throws at me is fair game." We made our exit before going our separate ways for our own tasks. Keep to the plan and stay out of the fight, the dark princess is mine. This is going to get messy. On your word my lord, we shall get the occupants out post hast! It took a bit of time to get up to the tallest tower because I haven't developed the muscle memory for the newly acquired wings but I managed, what I wasn't expecting was a dark, alluring shadow walking on the rooftop. Phew, I could even feel her power radiating off of her form. "Well, I have to say I'm liking this look, but I'm not sure if it's actually you."
"And there you are with that gods awful snark, not only do you give such verbal insults that makes us want to tear our ears off, you take a form that is an insult to Alicorns!" She stepped forward from the shadows to reveal her new form as a dark alicorn. "Well we're am sick of it, we're sick of all of it! If the world will not love us for who we are then we will make the world tremble in fear for what it has created! Well Nightmare Moon certainly gives off extreme goth girl vibes, ooh she is going to be fun to tame! "Now don't say that, there's plenty of stallions out there that would love to be dominated by a goth girl or switch it around if that's what you prefer. I, myself wouldn't mind to spend the night battling you for supremacy." She sneered at the remark before her horn glowed.
"Ugh you are such a perverted creature! The world will be better off without you!" She blasted some death beam and I activated predator at the same time, devouring the spell completely. "Wha-What!? What kind of power is that!? Skill acquired: magical spell force blast, a spell capable of knocking back enemies or vaporizing them completely depending on the strength of castor. "So you tried to actually destroy me huh? Well I got bad news for you, see I'm not your ordinary house slime, I'm modeled after two of the most terrifying creatures in the multiverse with a black hole as a stomach and the other with a computer as a brain, both really have a really big appetite and so do I. Now, HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!" I know I kinda stole that line from the crimson bucker but buck you I'm taking liberties for intimidation. She began her attack and we were fighting from rooftop to rooftop, me shooting stun spells while countering with predator and her giving her best death spells and other nasty curses to literally eat up and make my own, including that one unforgivable spell that makes you die in the most gruesome way imaginable.
At one point she went in for close combat, buck she is nothing to sneeze at, had I not have Sage on my side I would have been grappled into the concrete several times over... okay I may have slipped up once... possibly on purpose... (Sigh) Definitely on purpose to try and flirt, and before you ask Sage, it was also to stall for time. "OOF! Heheheh, you are enjoying this aren't you?" Anger and frustration covered her face. "Can't you just shut up already!? We have had enough of your- MMFF!?" But it was also to steal her first kiss, boy was she red in the face. "MmmmMMMWAAH! Hehehehehehehahaha, catch me if you can!" I slipped out of her grip (because I'm still a slime) before flying a bit away to see her stammer like I just did the most heretical thing imaginable. H-H-How dare you place th-th-thine lips upon mine!? I-I-I! We-We-We... RRRAAAAAHH! Hehehehehehe, I'm in trouble! She proceeded to chase me and scream like a red faced bucking banshee! I never thought I would have fun teasing a girl like this, though I sorta felt bad afterwards. After a few minutes of her spouting insults and me avoiding her to buy time, light flashed to the side, catching both of our attentions.
"No, she couldn't have! It cannot be!" Oh but it was, the white alicorn arose from a hole in one of the roofs with the fabled Elements of harmony, making Nightmare Moon don a look of terror. "No. No you can't do this to us, we will not allow you to use those against us! Celestia looked to NM with a sad look as she was charging right towards her. "Princess Luna, you are charged with breaking the laws of nature and pluming the world out of balance. You give me no choice but to enact a punishment fitting for the crime, I hereby banish you to the celestial body you were charged with raising and lowering for 1000 years." She and the elements glowed with primordial power before blasting Nightmare moon, sending her up to the moon screaming. I SHALL RETURN, NO PRISON SHALL CONTAIN ME FOREVER! AND AS FOR YOU SLIME, YOU BEST WATCH YOUR BACK, YOU'RE AT THE TOP OF MY LIST! Oh goodie, I just made the hit list of the near immortal princess of the moon.
When that was over, the elements stopped their power and the princess of the sun lowered herself to the ground. "Princess... I'm sorry that it had to come to this. Banishing your sister must've been hard for you to do." A part of some roof crashed in on itself. "And I may have wrecked your castle." She looked at me with a sad expression. The fault does not lie With you my little slime, it lies with me and me alone for I should have done better, talked and listened so that this would not happen. She started tearing up and I couldn't help but put a hoof on her side before speaking. "It isn't your fault either, society has a blame in this as well." We sat there in silence for an hour or two, letting her tears fall as she cries out her frustration to the world. Sigh, being sentimental guy bucking sucks baseballs. After a good minute of her being vulnerable, she finally calmed down. "You okay?"
(Sniff, sniff) I am alright, but there's going to be so much to be done, I don't even know if I can get all the work done myself without my sister to help. I decided to rub her back to comfort her. Keep it above the tail lover boy, she just lost. "Maybe I can help out with that, but with your permission I still like to have accommodations within the castle." She looked at me with a confused look. But the castle is destroyed, the roofs have caved in while leaving large holes, the courtyard's a mess, basically everything has gone to Tartarus!" I smirked as I happen to know someone that can help with repairs... Yes Evergreen, you don't have to remind me of the hibernation chamber every hour. Sorry, the place is still under construction. "You let me worry about that. In the mean time, I'll help you out by giving you a little secretary for company." Sage, think you can mimic a little osmosis? A little me came out of my hoof before hopping into Celestia's hooves.
"Oh he is adorable! But are you sure you can part with him?" I nodded as I gave a smile. "Plenty sure, Mini jack has a Chibi sage so he'll be able to help you lighten the load of the paperwork. Despite him eventually evolving into a bicorn, he'll be of great help." She nuzzled against the little slime ball. "I shall treasure him, always." ... Sage that part doesn't need to be recorded... No I- Alright! During some heightened emotions, she... May have planted a kiss on my cheek. Ahem. Mmwah, See you around in a thousand years Mr. friendly slime. She raised the sun before she left to go find her guards before they would be in any more of a panic and now I inherited the broken castle to fix and rule as I see fit. Course I left the name because it's just rude to just write over it like graffiti, that's vandalism. "Sage... I have a feeling that in a thousand years we're going to be busy after waking up." I have calculated that you may be right. What are we to do about the elements? "Just set them up in the usual corner, don't have to mess with the timeline anymore than we have to.
And so there you have it, It's going to be a while before my next bucking chapter, I'll be grinding some levels before my meditative hibernation. To whoever managed to translated this scroll, you better keep a secret because Evergreen enchanted it so that your mouth will get zipped up if you tell anyone. Have fun with that curse, Hehehehehahahahahah!
Author's Note
Sorry for the long wait guys, daily life interference and all that. plus I had to lengthen the chapter.
Pinky!? Back in the story, you're not suppose to appear yet!
I said back in you little horny gremlin! Anyway I'll try to make another chapter faster but there are no guarantees.
PINKY!
View Online
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
Chapter 8: Part 2 of the last chapter- Oh shit, Luna's back.
Alright, I'm back with my groceries, got my apples, hard cider, sweets, and other foods... Oh yeah and I managed to get lots of Ink for the quill. Now where was I? Ah right, the meeting with the fanciest pony of the town. After Twilight got her hair done accidentally by the living crash course Rainbow Dash, we went to the carousel boutique because Spike's next on the list is decorations, had to leave my pal outside though, no dogs allowed. "Decorations... haaaaah beauuutiful." The little drake said while looking at something that wasn't in twilight's vision. "Yes, the décor is coming along nicely, this will be quick I'll be at the library in no time. Beautiful indeed." Looking in the direction Spike was peering, I had to say my bit. "I don't think spike was talking about the décor Twilight." I pointed her in the direction of the fashionista of the town, Rarity Belle. Yeah I know it isn't cannon but I think she legally added her last name to fit with her sister and relate to her more so fuck off... Ooh and my appraisal just came back, but I'd rather save that for later. Rarity was, by definition, a true vision of elegance and grace, her curves were balanced and perfect, her speech was a delight and impeccable, though her mannerisms...
"(Sigh) No, no, not the right color- Oh goodness no!" Aiyah! I mean she's a solid ten, but I just hate snooty attitudes! I could knock her down a peg so that she could be a bit more pleasant, but first I need to snap Spike back to reality. "Uh... Spike, she's too old for you." I didn't want to shoot the poor guy down but he had to face the truth before he got hurt worse. Though I do feel bad when he looked downcast so I'll need to help the poor guy find a gal his age later. "Don't worry, plenty of other dragons in the sky. Ahem, excuse us, miss!" Rarity turns a little as she was concentrating on the ribbons. "Just a moment please, I'm in the zone as it were... Oh yes, sparkling ribbons always does the trick does it not? Why Rarity you are a talent. Now, how can I help you- WHAHAHAAAHAA!" The state of Twi's fro startles her into making her tail straightening out for a brief second. I swear these ponies break the laws of physics by the second
"Oh my stars darling! Whatever happen to your cheveux faire!" Yep she speaks French, another kind of girl I like would be bilingual. You can just imagine all sorts of things she's capable of with a tongue like that- Whoa now! Don't get too excited, can't afford to break character. After that nanosecond of thought, Twi spoke up. "Oh, you mean my mane? It's a bit of a long story. I just came by to check on the decorations and then I'll be out of your hair." Rarity naturally replied with such worry in her voice. Out of my hair? but what about your hair? Oh non non non, we must fix zis disaster immediately! She began to nudge Twi to the hair stylist part of the boutique. "Wait w-what are you doing!? HELP!" "Sorry Twi, if the lady say your hair needs fixing it's best not to argue." I saw spike trying to sneak on them before I grabbed his tail. "Ah tut tut tut! No spike, adult's only." He was about to protest but I gave him the evil eye and he backed down. (Don't worry it wasn't a cursed eye, I'm not that mean.) I just gave him a stack of cards and had him play solitaire.
"OOOH! Your hooves are cold!" Aaaaand insert nosebleed. Perhaps it would be safer if you had your super hearing turned off master. You just received minor psychic damage. Very funny sage. Spike naturally noticed that I was bleeding through the nose. "You doing okay dude?" I simply waved it off. "It's fine little buddy, I just got too excited." I joined him in playing solitaire as he is new at it, teaching him the basics of the cards. Heh, it's probably his dragon heritage but he certainly picked it up easily. After a few minutes, Twi came out of the room with her mane fixed up, before she nudged Spike and I out to the door. "Quick, let's get out of here before she decides to dye my coat a new color!" "Do come on by again darling, I would like to get to know your charming companion!" I tipped my hat to her. "Jack Daniels madam, I'm hoping to see you again as well!" We left in a hurry and Spike was being his usual self. "Sigh, she was wonderful."
"Focus Casanova. What's next on the list?" Casanova exists in this world? The little lovesick drake took a sec but he managed to hit his reset button. "Ahem, music is the last part. And it's directed by a somepony named Fluttershy." I looked to my friend. "Well you heard him Jingo, get to smelling." Without hesitation, he got his nose to the ground and started tracking. Before long we started to hear music coming from... Birds? Had to be fucking birds? We came around the corner and happened upon a music rehearsal with a yellow Pegasus, though I didn't exactly pay attention as my view was on something else. (Mental wolf whistle.) Who does that fine ass belong to? Focus my lord. Right, got it, sorry! I focused and luckily I didn't miss the introduction, but Twi had to be a little bit loud. "Hello!" It scared the chorus the poor pegasus probably had to work hard to assemble. "Oops, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to frighten your birds, I'm just here to check up on the music and it sounded beautiful." Fluttershy landed next to her and said nothing, true to her name, she is awfully shy.
Que the awkward silence which would make the most of introverts nervous... Or even a purple librarian pony smile awkwardly. Ahem, I'm Twilight sparkle, are you Fluttershy by chance? "Y-Yes." She was stepping back a bit as she was getting a bit anxious. Twi was about to press the matter further but I just had to step in. "Twi, I think she's the type of pony that doesn't like loud conversations. Let me." I stepped forward a bit before talking softly. "Sorry about that, she's new to talking to ponies she doesn't know. Was the one singing off tempo a blue jay bird?" She smiled shyly before speaking. "Why, yes it is. You certainly know your songbirds. I smiled back at her. "Hehe, I try. Twi and I are merely touring the town while checking the official stuff. Would you like to join?" For some reason she blushed a bit. "Oh umm... I-I can't right now good sir, we still need to rehearse the songs. Maybe sometime later." I gave a polite bow before doing a little tease. "Very well, it's a date. Keep up the good work." I then left her blushing before she shoved past me as she saw spike. "GASP, A baby dragon!?" "WAH, OOF!"
"Aww, I never seen a baby dragon before, he's so CUTE!" Right, I forgot she was a baby dragon fanatic. She was gushing over the little drake, especially over the fact that he can talk. "Well guess we got a tour companion." Spike then proceeded to talk her ear off about his entire autobiography, all, the, way, to the treehouse library. "And that's the story of my life. Except for counting today." Twilight spoke up. "We're here, my how time flies. Better get the little drake to sleep." "What but I'm not- OOF!" The little drake "Tripped and fell" because he eepy, as Twi called it. Naturally Fluttershy wanted to help out with putting the baby drake to bed but Twi turned her down. Course I also had to put my conversation. "Hey, what about my pay?" She looked at me with a bit of confusion. "I thought you said you were joking." I smirked a bit. "I'm making sure that you were paying attention. Here's a tip, if things go belly up, be sure to follow the book's index at the letter E." And with that I walked away, feeling satisfied that I gave a vague clue that she will most definitely will remember with her photographic memory. "So Flutters, have any recommendation on feed for Jingo here? He's half t- err Wolf, half wolf."
She takes a look at Jingo before smiling and petting his head, puppers was definitely enjoying that. "I suggest you give him prime meat every other week, keep him exercised, and give him lots of love and affection. Here, I recommend this pony to buy dog food from." She gives me a card and I tucked it into my own hammerspace. "Thanks, I will. Maybe later we can talk dragons. I'll see you later." I waved goodbye to her before we separated. "Well Jingo, got a favorite pony?" I like the yellow and light pink one master, she knows what a wolf needs. "I agree. Still I like Twi, she has that no nonsense vibe when in fact she is rather silly herself. Rather a cute librarian tsundere." I chuckled to myself as I got time to kill before the big party. But I'm sure yall don't like me wasting time with words so I'll shorten it. Went to the cupcake store to grab some eats, went around town to take in the sights, and certainly had some fun with nostalgia and comparing everything to how it was in the show. By the way, there is more females than there are males so it's definitely a female supremacy in this world. When it came time for the party, I arrived fashionably early... Okay call me impatient, I just wanted to make sure things started off right.
One by one, ponies gathered into the main town hall, even Pinky the ever optimistic pink pony came by early before she grabbed my hoof and shake it. "Hi! I'm Pinky Pie and am I ever glad to meet you! Sorry if I didn't throw you a party or get you a cake as I didn't know your birthday, but I'll be sure to get you a one with a loooot of candles. If she shakes me any harder with that earth pony strength of hers she is gonna cause me to jiggle like a jell-o! I had to pry my hoof out of her grip and shook off the dizziness. "jow- Ahem, How do you do miss? Name's Jack Daniels, I'm from out of town. Thought I could settle down here away from the city and start a business but I guess I need to get a job to start it off." I looked around the place. "Sure is packing in, huh?"
"Well of course, it wouldn't be a summer sun celebration if we don't get to watch the princess raise the sun! But of course nothing can top running into you guys!" The birds did their fanfare to quiet down the ponies so that the mayor can speak. "Fillies and Gentlecolts, as Mayor of Ponyville it is my pleasure to announce the beginning of the summer sun celebration." As the ponies cheered I looked out to the window I saw that the stars were aligning over to the moon. Ooh sssshit! Master, the seal is about to break! I FUCKING NOTICED! I slipped out of sight and went Inferknight mode while sticking to the shadows. And just as the big unveiling of the princess with the curtains and everything, there was no princess. She's here. I see that Pinky was looking for me but I remained invisible in the shadows as the ponies were on the brink of panic. Sorry Pinky, can't draw attention to myself The air got colder and the platform started to swirl with dark magic before it revealed the princess of darkness, night, and the moon. "Nightmare Moon."
"Oh my precious subjects, it's been so long since i've seen your little sun loving faces." Gods damn, I did not missed the venom filled voice but her bod on the other hand was really doing it for me. "What did you do with our princess!" The tomboy Rainbow Dash tried to charge at the dark princess but thankfully AJ was there to hold her back. "Whoa nelly! Don't go charging in halfcocked!" The dark princess chuckled. "Muhuhueheheheh, Why, am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?" Pinky was about to speak but her open mouth was stuffed by a cupcake. "Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legends, did you not see the signs-?" "I did!" Her monologue was interrupted by the lovely library pony Twi. "And I know who you are. You're the mare in the moon, Nightmare Moon." Everyone gasped at the proclamation.
"Well well well, somepony remembers me. Then you know exactly why I am here." Twi gulped at the thought. Y-You're here to... To... (Gulp!) "Hmhhmhm, remember this day little ponies, for it will be your last. From this moment on, the night, will last, FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!" I couldn't stand by any longer, to hell with the timeline, I'm the only demon lord around here and princess emo moon butt was encroaching on My territory! "I think you're getting too far ahead of yourself!" I appeared in a puff of crimson smoke right in front of her so that I can at least be between her and the scared ponies. "YOU!? It cannot be!" The ponies were a little shocked that a winged bicorn has appeared, guess they can't handle something that is so awesome and equally as terrifying popping up. "It would take more than thousand years to put me in the ground, Nightmare. I already claim dibs on this world and I won't have you breaking it."
"Tch! I do not have the time to deal with you demon lord of the Everfree, your end will come soon enough!" And with that last world, she vaporized and slithered out of the town hall like a snake made of a starry cloud and RD gave chase after her though I knew she would not get very far. Twilight approached me and tried to make sense of what I am. Who... Who are you? I thought Bicorns were extinct. I just gave a shrug. "Some things are exaggerated. You can call me Jack Inferknight. I have to take my leave, my forest may be in danger." I started to walk out. "W-Wait! She called you a demon lord, just who's side are you on?" I gave a smirk as I made my exit. "I'm on my own side, that's how a demon lord works. And at the moment pretty unicorn, you are on mine." With that last cheesy yet awesome line, I turned into crimson smoke before making my way out, passing by a confused Rainbow pegasus. I then called out to my loyal companion, who was hiding on my orders. Jingo, come! we must get back to the fortress!" On your command master! I see him transforming back before running back to the forest. I knew this day would come, I just didn't expect to feel her murderous intent to be so strong.
Need to stop here, gotta have a coffee break.
Author's Note
Finally got my mojo back, after months of tireless work.
I... I didn't procrastinate if that's what you're insinuating. There was just so much to do on the farm.
View Online
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
chapter 9: running out of names for these chapters. So... Big battle and a musical number.
Walt Disney can... Nah I can't dis his name, that man did something great even though he did unintentionally created furries, by which made life allot more colorful. Where am I going with this you say? Well, I'll tell you in a few paragraphs. We made our way to the fortress, passing by what I can only guess is the obstacles for twilight and her soon to be friends. Shhh, don't tell anybody, but I left a few telepathic hints at those spots. Jingo though wanted to fight a certain big cat because he was too close to our Timber territory but I told him not to even go near it, much to his dismay... I might have turned him into a battle junkie somehow.
"-B-But big cat!" "No, and that's final!" Sometimes a masculine slime has to put his figurative foot down. When we arrived at the fortress, and after I formed up in my Emberwolf form, everyone there was on high alert, though the only ones that were organized were the timberwolves. The rest of the fucking woodland creatures were running around like chickens with their heads cut off. "Evergreen, what the hell is happening!?" "Forgive me my lord, I'm afraid I'm not well versed in military organizing!" "How are we supposed to defend the castle if we don't have a good defense!" Typical, sleep for a few thousand winks and I forgot to have the timberwolves teach warfare to the residents that come to live here. If I may throw my two bits in, what these creatures need is a boost in moral. I had a dreadful feeling I knew what Sage meant but it has been a long while since I ever had to sing. I had to get the the attention of these creatures first. "QUIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEET!" Hoo, been a while since I had to use the sonic screech. I concentrated on the magic of the world, praying to lend me the magic of music.
🎵I never thought the creatures for soldiers were essential
Yeah, be prepared, we'll be prepared... For what?
🎵It's great that we'll soon be connected
After lifting the spirits of my impromptu army, I went to Evergreen with a smirk. "And that is how you get an army together." They smiled and bowed in respect. "And that is why I have faith in you as our demon lord. But what are we to do?" I give it a little thought and looked to the wall. "We have to hold out until Twilight and her friends get here. Get every one to light up the walls and have the shadows that are loyal to us find every crack in any nook and cranny, no matter how small, sealed up. I'm not gonna have us get caught with our pants down, figuratively speaking." They nod in understanding before confirming. "Very well my lord, it shall be done." I watched them go inform the group, though my eyes couldn't help but wander to her flank. Damn I really need to ask them out sometime!
I shook those thoughts out of my head as I had to focus. I concentrated on my mana or magical power before Iused the mitosis skill to create a clone of myself. "Go to the secret entrance and wait for the girls, I will remain here and defend the castle." My clone saluted and talked in my voice, which wasn't very creepy at all. "You got it boss, sit back and let me take care of those girls in your stead." Ugh, is that really how I sound? Didn't think I would sound like a bad smooth talker. Sage reminded to focus at the task at hand and we all started to load up a lot of nasties onto the walls. I'm talking boiling oil, crossbows, a few magic traps and a ballista. Don't ask were we got it, this is a castle. I stood at the northern wall, using my magical sense to see in the dark and I smelled something that was familiar to my Emberwolf form, rotting flesh. What's worse is that it's shambling our way in a sickening march. "She wouldn't dare." I'm afraid so master, she used necromancy to bring rotting corpses to life. "Fucking perfect." Jingo barked out the report to get my attention. "My lord! My scouts have caught wind of what's coming this way, it's the mushroom plague on walking corpses!" So that's what she used as a catalyst! "Bring the magically capable and archers to the top of the walls, we need literal fire to purge this plague!" He followed my instructions to the letter and brought the sprites and some of the other creatures up, didn't pay much attention to what they were and thought they were the pony versions of elves here. I only dreaded on how much magic Nightmare Moon had to use to make such a destructive curse.
I had to shift to my winged bicorn form so that I could make a flame arrow of my own. I bet you're wondering on why I don't use my full power. Well that's because if I do so, I would destroy the entire kingdom of the Everfree forest, so I have to limit myself to prevent that. "Level two fire spells only! We don't want to kill the dryads out there! And don't fire until you're sure they're in range." After giving the warning, I notched the flame arrow and took aim. "Sorry shambling spirit, but you shall not pass here! FLAME ARROW!" TWANG! The bow sounds off as I released the string, letting the magic arrow made of fire fly to one of the targets and lighting it up to show many shambling cadavers from small ponies to heavy hitters as minotaurs and it was shaking my own army in their boots. "DO NOT LET THEM INTIMIDATE YOU! Those undead monsters that are moaning are crying out in pain, show them mercy and release them from their suffering!" That got them to focus and feeling pity for the undead, which is a bonus, before following my lead and was casting fire arrows or even dipping arrows in oil and lighting them on fire and even manning the ballista to take down the undead. I sure am saying undead allot aren't I?
The best part of it was we were starting to push them back, but of course Luna had to pull the proverbial middle finger and bring out something bigger just to spite me. "GIANT SKELETON!" Where she found a grave for a giant skeleton pony I will never know! I just know that I'm just jumping recklessly into a trap but fuck it, my pride is refusing to listen to logic. "Damn my pride. Keep your focus on the smaller ones, I'm going after the big game!" I jumped off the wall and flew to the skies above the giant's head. Really wishing you would wait and think up a strategy- I do have one, I'm going to eat it! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND! That skeleton is larger than the dragon bones you ate and you plan to eat it! Exactly, and I know just the monster to battle it. I reached deep in my mental monster library and pulled out the very creature that gave me the attribute of fire and magic. My predecessor that protected this valley, the Inferknight dragon. Imagine a large reptile with black shields as scales and white swords as teeth, of course you can't forget about red spikes along the spine. I don't know if undead can retain some memory, but the look on the skeleton's blank face could almost be seen as fear as it has encountered something like me from so long ago.
Landing in front of the giant skeleton, I smiled with a deadly grin before talking. "What's the matter? You look like you seen a ghost." Guess the giant skeleton pony wasn't too keen on that taunt as its eyes burned dark purple. Shit, I know that look, it's charging up an attack, I need to counter! "Oh no you don't! DRAGON HELLFLAME!" I literally spat fire at the skeleton before it could unleash its attack, alas it was in vain as it swiped the air with it's club because of course giant's always have a club. I felt the wind catching in my new wings and blowing me back. I had to dig my claws in and luckily I stopped short of running into the castle walls. "Phew, that was close." I looked to the skeleton that was now on fire and I hoped that the flames would find those mushrooms, but in the meantime I need to keep it busy. "So you want to wrestle do you, alright, I'll oblige!" I jumped back into the brawl and started laying into the now-on-fire skeleton with flame engulfed fists... Yeah I know I'm just pulling a Natsu, fuck off I'm using what I have!
Blow for blow, I was making progress on pushing the flaming bag of bones back away from my castle. "You're not going to trample it, IT'S MY FAVORITE NAPPING SPOT!" I launched an uppercut and made it fall apart thanks to my flames burning the tendons to crispy ash, now was my chance to enjoy a meal. "RRRRAAAARRARARARRRAARRRAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAA! THANK YOU FOR THE MEAL GIANT!!!" I don't know why I roared that, guess it's a habit that Inferknight Dragon had. Predator! I started chomping down on the bones and the magic that was pulsing in the marrow apparently. My lord, you just learned some necromancy magic, along with some skills called bone armor, raw strength, and berserk. Well how about that. Better save those for later. For now, I need to stop this necromantic army. I raised my hand, and thanks to the extensive knowledge my dragon's brain can recall, I snapped my claws to send out a necrotic magic wave with some extra boost of my fire magic while giving a simple order. "DISPELL UNDEAD!" The corpse dropped in heaps and the mushrooms that clung to them burned away to ashes.
I hear cheers behind me and I turned to see the castle was in an uproar of cheering creatures. I had to admit, I felt more pride than a slime is suppose to feel, hope I don't get a big head. I think things are coming up Jack's way- BOOM! My thoughts were interrupted as I heard an explosion coming from the south side of the castle. ... It was a diversion, THE FUCKING GIANT WAS BAIT!
Need to stop here, Evergreen is saying I need a break.
Author's Note
May Walt Disney forgive me for butchering this music piece.
Not a word AJ.
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
chapter 10: A dark and light reunion.
Clone's POV:
Twilight: "It's the final stretch girls, the elements are definitely close."
RD: "This place has nice duds for old ruins."
I smirked at the compliments. "Thank you, my friends try to keep this place in one piece for the last thousand years or so."
AJ: "You're over a thousand years old? Well hush my mouth, you look good for your age."
Rarity: "I'll say, he certainly has that charm of a mature stallion."
"Merci madmoizelle-" BOOM! The side of the wall caved in from an explosion, I'm gonna need to remind myself that the walls will need some magical reinforcements. Oh and standing there in the air was possibly the most pissed off Alicorn I would see for the rest of my short existence, the princess of the nightmares and darkness, Nightmare Moon. "Girls, I'm gonna need you to run to the chamber. The critters will guide you to the elements."
RD: "No way, I ain't running from a fight- OOF!" She, bless her brave soul, got roped up and was now being dragged by AJ.
AJ:"Rainbow, when a demonic Alicorn tells you to run, YOU RUN!" And they left through the halls of this great castle.
Now all that's left was the pissed off dark alicorn and a clone of... Well me. I'm about to get my ass kicked. "You know, being sent to the moon really did wonders for your complexion, you got a really nice tan out of it-" BOOOM!
Mane six POV:
Rarity"What was that!?"
Fluttershy: "Oh dear, I hope Mr Demon Lord didn't get disintegrated!"
RD: "You kidding? Guys like him are too cocky to die! ... I hope." Though one thing that bothered her was how familiar his voice was, like she challenged him to a race at one point... She puts the thought on hold as right now they need to focus on surviving the night.
Twilight:"Come on, we got to get to the chamber!"
AJ: "But we have no idea where it could be, and what kind of critters- WHOA!" Bats swooped down, giving the cowgirl a fright.
Fluttershy: "Don't be afraid, these bats are friendly! They're trying to point us in the right direction! This way!" Knowing not to argue with the animal poney, they followed Fluttershy who was being guided by the bats of the castle.
Main character POV:
I had to step up my pace as I was practically too far away from the castle. "I can't believe I was so stupid as to take the bait, fuck! If those girls get hurt I'll never forgive myself!" I was so focused on getting there that I forgot to land on my hooves and instead crashed with my face in the pavement. "Ouch! Evergreen, the castle has an intruder!"
"And just when I had the bricks refurbished. I'll send security ASAP!"
We're going to be needing a lot more than security, we need an entire SWAT team! I shook off my stunned state and head straight to the chamber that held the spheres. "Tell the security team that the demon lord is on his way to the elements of harmony!" I ran at top speed on my hooves, hoping to Buddha, Zues or any other god that's listening that I'll make it in time. Along the way I was hearing a series of explosions getting closer and closer... I think my clone is having a hard time-
My clone: "FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS KILL ME ALREADY, EXISTENCE IS PAAAAAIN!
Yep, he's engaged in receiving a beat down. Damn I could even feel his pain! I sprinted as fast as possible through the hallways, hoping to any gods, for once in my life, that I get there on time.
Good news on that, I was able to reach the girls, although on the bad news, so has Nightmare Moon and she was dragging my clone by the ankles. I made sure to put myself between the girls and her. "I see that you haven't changed much."
Nightmare Moon: "Hisssss, and you are just as irritating after all these years."
RD: "Wha- How is he over there and over here at the same time!?"
Twilight: "Magical clone, let's leave it as that, I'm still learning that spell."
At that moment, princess moon butt decided to be a bit cheeky and throw my clone at me as a distraction, but she clearly forgot that this was me she was up against. "CHOMP!" I just ate him in one bite. "(Chew chew, gulp!) Girls, get inside, Now!" I casted a spell to open the stone doors.
Twilight: "Don't have to tell us twice!" She and the rest of the girls made their way inside, leaving me and Nightmare Moon alone with me blocking the way as I sealed the doors back up.
Nightmare Moon: "You're a fool to think that those puny cobblestone portae are enough to stop me!" She says with determined certainty.
"Nah, I don't think that, it's just enough to slow you down long enough for the purple unicorn to figure it out while I have my fun." I couldn't help but smirk as I say it.
Nightmare Moon: "Again with that smug irritating tone! GRRRRFSHSSSSHHHH! I am going to enjoy wiping that smug look off that jelly jawline!"
"HEY! That is racist!!" We both charged at each other in our smokey forms and collided while shaking the castle, she had practice I'll admit and I was out of practice and a bit drained doing a lot of defending against the onslaught she against the castle so it was a bit difficult to fight. Now I know that it's not exactly manly or gentlemanly to be bashing on a girl but you gotta understand that the fight wasn't a matter of honor or anything like that, firstly it was a fight of survival on my part and secondly these hooves/hands/paws/slime stubs are rated E for everyone and everypony! BAM! BASH! POW! "Mmff! you haven't lost your edge."
Nightmare Moon: "And you are quite lacking for a demon lord. I have to say, I am quite disappointed."
"Give me a break I was asleep for the past thousand years-" BAMF! "OOF!" I got slammed through the doors by one of her force spells. Warning! Your current form has sustained significant damage! Recommend immediate transformation! "Errrfff, not yet." I looked behind me and Twilight was doing her best to reawaken the elements but they didn't wake up yet.
Twilight: Come on, I don't get it, it should reawaken by now!
Nightmare Moon: She slithers in and smashed the round stones without hesitation. "Ha! Now nothing will stand in my way, not the pathetic demon lord, not the elements of harmony, not even some studious purple unicorn and her gaggle of friends! The night, will last, FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Everypony was a silent and trembling in fear for a second, except for me and Twilight as I saw her eyes sparkle with an idea. "... Heheheheh, heheheheheheheh. You really don't get it do you?"
Nightmare Moon: "What? What are you saying? I beaten you, I destroyed the elements!" She says in disbelief.
"You cant destroy a concept, you may have stomped on the temporary vessels but you can't actually destroy the idea itself. Isn't that right, Twilight Sparkle?"
Twilight: "You're right, everything that me and my friends went through has been a test! Oh how I love tests!"
Nightmare Moon: "What are you on about!? You seriously can't think some bucking rocks aren't the elements!"
Twilight: "True and untrue at the same time. The are conduits for the wielders, the true spirits of the elements of harmony are right here!" The energy in the air buzzed to life and the broken stone pieces started to float to their respective pony representative.
Nightmare moon: "No, no this isn't fair! THIS CANNOT BE!" She cries in despair before she gets blasted with with the full force of the rainbow of friendship. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" I kept out of the way because I didn't want to know what that blast would do to me and I probably didn't want to know. Course I spotted some dark splotch ejecting out of the vortex of rainbows so I intercepted it.
"Oh no you dont!" I stomped on the tail of it and absorbed the snot of darkness. Hey sage, snack time! Oooh, time to feast and analyze! After that little interruption, I watched as the explosion of colors die down, leaving Luna in her original form. "Princess..." I got to her first and gently woke her up. "Princess Luna."
Luna: Mmm, wha... Jack Inferknight? Where is this, what... Oh no, we did something terrible didn't we?
"Nothing aside of trying to thrust the world into darkness, the usual teen edgelord stuff." I say with a little tease which made her blush.
Luna: "Oh, ye are a terrible red blob." She says while looking away, a purple blush evident on her face.
"Hmhmhm, I try." I say as I help her to her feet.
RD: "Uhh, can someone explain to me what the hay is going on here!?" She says to interrupt the mood before a familiar voice rings out.
Celestia: "I can answer that." The sun rises before the rays shone and she steps out of the blinding light. "Sister!" She and Luna rushed to each other and glomped into a hug.
Luna: "Sister! (Sniffles) W-We're so sorry, we didn't mean for any of this to happen!"
Celestia: "It's alright my sister, I forgive you." She says in a reassuring voice before turning to the girls. "Luna, you see, was possessed by an inner darkness. I only wished I had paid closer attention to prevent this."
"I told you Celestia, not anyone's fault, so don't be blaming yourself."
AJ: "So we just performed an exorcism on a nasty spirit possessin her?"
Twi: Basically yeah.
Rarity: (Le Gasp!) My tail has returned! Oh thank goodness!
Pinky: Hey, you know what this calls for!? A PARTYYYYY! *Everyone was in a solid agreement on that part.*
Celestia: Oh, before any of that. Jack, someone wants to see you.
"Huh? Who would want to see me at this time?" I asked, a bit confused until something small came out of her mane. "Wait, is that- ?"
Mini jack, now Jack Jr.: Hello papa, mama knew you'd be back."
Everypony: Papa!?
"W-What!? ME!?" I look to Celestia who had an innocent blushing smile but I knew she was being mischievous under that. "C-Celest! You're giving ponies the wrong idea!
Celestia: She dramatically feigned innocence with a hoof to her horn. "Why demon lord, does sharing a wine and a bed that night not mean anything when you whispered all those sweet nothings in my ear? Or when you struck my rear to rouse me from my sleep in the morning?"
Oh you coniving little pony! I looked to the girls and thankfully half of them didn't quite know what she meant (RD, Pinky, and Fluttershy), unfortunately, the other half knew quite well and was staring with shock disbelief and was sporting contrasting blushes of their own. "Uh, It's not what it looks like(?)."
Rarity: "O-Oh my!" She was appalled and yet a bit aroused at the information she processed.
Twi: "H-H-He did WHAT!? A-And he... You...!?" Her brain must he thinking up a thousand questions that her mouth can't spit out fast enough.
AJ: "Mister, we need ta have a talk later about treating ladies like that." She looks like she wants to hogtie me to a poll, and I'll admit, I don't blame her a single bit.
Oh boy is that conversation going to be interesting. Gotta skedaddle, took too long to write this.
Author's Note
Man this has not been my year. Also I decided to change up the style of writing a bit.
Appljack: So it'll be more like this right?
Yeah, kinda. Also I'll just leave mine like this. If I can't find the color or if it blends too much into dark mode, I'll leave it as regular too. Oh and happy Hearth's Warming Eve.🎄 Consider this a late year round present.
View Online
That one time I reincarnated as a demon lord in... Wait Where am I?
Chapter 7: Had my nap, found my favorite pones, and turns out to be another beginning. Don't ask why I said it.
Well that is the last time I hibernate in meditation for over a thousand years, been having a round of nightmares, weird dreams, and having a psychic connection to Rimuru Tempest, my predecessor apparently, all at the same time and even had... Yeesh, I do not recommend having a dream of an entity of chaos, they seriously can ffffffuck up your day! Also SURPRISE FUCKNUTS, I can curse again! Also don't recommend doing that while casting magic, it turns out that it is also voice activated, apparently it can create some interesting results. Like for example, get fucked by a stick will literally have a victim of the spell get procreated by a piece of wood that carves and polishes itself into a dick, but I digress. The point is I can curse again and I can literally curse with those curses... But of course I might need to hire a scribe, talking to a scroll is not too therapeutic.
In any case, let's start the shit show shall we? It all started when I woke up in the knot hole of a large tree where the new hibernation chamber was made. The lights hits the sheen of my slime body and sage couldn't help but turn himself into a fucking alarm clock and yelling in my ear while playing the US Military Bugle Wake Up Call! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED, ON THE DOUBLE SOLDIER! IT'S WAKE UP TIME! "AAAAAAAHHH!!" Sent me flying all over the room, bouncing from one surface to another until I came to a halt. "Yyyyyooooou son of a bitch... Wait. Shit... Fuck... Shit fuck... cunt, ass... MOTHER FUCKER! HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! HELLO FUCKERS, I'M BAAAAAACK!" The commotion that was caused by my over joyous celebration, woke Jingo from his sleep with a startle. "MASTER'S IN DANGER- Oh!" He immediately sat at attention to try and recover from his rudeness. "Forgive me master, I was not aware that you were awaking today!" I smiled somewhat before transforming into an Emberwolf and nuzzling him affectionately like a parent would with their kid.
"It's good to see you too Jingo, I missed your company as I meditated, though I did feel your warm presence." We started walking through the castle that has been basically remodeled to resemble the forest that fused with the walls so we didn't have to water or sun the plants... For the last thousand years anyway. "Where's our favorite dryad pony, has Evergreen been able to move in finally?" Jingo looked at me with what looked like a raised eyebrow. "What? Just because they're nonbinary and a forest spirit doesn't mean I don't have a shot." He shook his head before saying, "Your libido knows no bounds master. Yes they did "move in" as you say, but I say it's more that they grew in to be more accurate. They should be in the throne room." And so we visited the throne room, and it was more extravagant in nature than the rest of the castle.
"By the Everfree! My lord Jack, it is good to see that you're awake!" The equestrian wood sprite galloped over before glomping me in a hug. "Oof! I know that I was gone for a long time but I didn't realize that I was missed that much!" I hugged back with my wooden foreleg before they stepped back. "It has been very boring since you went to hibernate, did you have pleasant dreams though?" I shivered as my photographic memory would not allow me to forget those dreadful moments. "Ahem, some but there were a few... that weren't. But that doesn't matter, I just need some more meditation to buff up my spiritual defenses." Even though I've no idea that I was being attacked that way. "So, am I to guess that I didn't wake up too late?"
They guided us to the outside into the sunlight. "The prophesized hero of this modern world have not appeared all together yet, so you're not too late." My magically enhanced eyes laid upon the outside of the castle and I could almost call it paradise by the way every dangerous creature here was getting along, cockatrice, timberwolves, a few shadow demons, and some local sprites. Now if only I had a few of those ponies, trading would seriously be bustling. My thoughts were interrupted as Evergreen spoke again. "There's a village on the outskirts near the forest, they don't know we exist of course but I had a feeling that you wanted to keep this place a secret until the time came." They were right, I need to keep the castle a secret even from the ponies for as long as possible. "Had any trouble from changelings yet?"
Evergreen seemed shocked that I would know about them. "Again you surprise me my lord, very few would know of them and even fewer would know how to survive them. But no, not as of late." I sighed in relief but that didn't mean that I have to let my guard down just because they're not here yet. "I had a vision that there would be an army heading here, after the terror of nightmare moon has come to pass I want to strengthen my defenses." They bowed their head in acknowledgement. "As you say, we'll get on it as soon as possible. If I may inquire, is there something that you plan on doing?"
"I am going for a walk." And que the confused looks on their faces. "It's a reference. I want to check out this... Ponyville, see what it has to offer." Jingo gave an understanding nod. "Ah, you do rather throw these references every once in a while. Do you mind if I escort you to town?" I smiled before answering. "I don't mind at all but you're going to need a new look, best not to scare the locals." He apparently understood the assignment as the new skill I taught him turned himself into the closest thing that resembled a wolf in my opinion, a grey German Shepard and Malamute mix. "Do you think this will do?"
"That's a good look for you bud, now let's see... Aha! I know just the form for the occasion." A painted blue and white Clydesdale unicorn should throw everyone for a loop, that way I can presented as large but not threatening with some magic to boot just incase if anyone wants me to show off some magic... Okay okay, I wanted to show off some magic, happy now!? Anyway, we made our way to the outskirts of the forest, saying hello to one our new neighbors along the way, she was a nice zebra but I might have left her confused because I was the one leaving the forest. Bet that's going to leave her so baffled for the rest of the season. Okay back on the subject at hand, we got out of the forest the familiar sight of color hit my nostalgia button and it felt like I was back in my younger days where I didn't have an aching back... Oh wait I don't have it anymore, thank you slime body!
"Well it seems we made it just in time for some form of celebration, or a type of preparation. Wanna race to the village boy?" Jingo gave two barks before he started running. "Hey hey no fair getting a head start!" I ran after him in our little race, I will admit this large body was not made for speed and that is the only reason he beat me, I will fucking fight anyone that says otherwise- "WATCH OUT BELOW!" I instinctively grabbed Jingo and dove out of the way of a fast landing... Chariot? "Hey watch where you're flying that thing!" I looked to the passengers with a face that screamed they should have their air vehicle license revoked before hearing a familiar voice call out. "Sorry, just recently got this chariot from the princess. Thank you sirs." The two Pegasi snorted proudly as a your welcome.
Twilight Sparkle, I don't want to sound like I'm creepy or anything but the moment I laid my eyes on her, woof and I mean WOOF! She as slender as any libarian unicorn could be and not to mention her form was like an hourglass. Sage ran an appraisal on her stats and yes she is of legal age boys, prime 20s. Her stats though was something else, 503 on magic, 420 on intelligence (nice), wisdom was a bit low at 176 but I have a feeling she'll improve. "I-It's alright, just be careful next time. Say you're from out of town too right?" She gave me a quizzical look. "Yes but I'm not interested in taking a group tour of the town, I have this list that needs checking with some ponies that are in charge of a few things." I gave a little shrug just to say I'm not bothered. "No skin off my back, we can try a little multitasking. My pupper here, Jingo, has a talent to find anypony without needing assistance just a name. I'm-" Gods of alcohol forgive me. "Jack Daniels by the way." She relaxed her guard after being given a name to this face
"Twilight Sparkle, this baby dragon here is my little brother and assistant, spike." "Sup!" I gave a little smirk and responded in kind. "Nutthin much, nice to meet ya." Before giving a bro fist, hey I may be over a thousand years old but I can still be hip with kids, just got to make sure not to swear around him. "Well it has been a pleasure but may we go find the ones in charge of setting up the summer sun celebration?" Spike, the loveable scamp that he is, spoke up to remind her something to not ignore. "The princess also told you to try and make some new friends, the ponies here probably have something interesting to tell us. Just say hello to... That pink pony there."
Right on time, a pony clad of bright pink for the main body fur and dark pink for the cotton candy nest of a mane, Pinkamena Diana Pie, AKA Pinkie Pie. Exasperated, Twilight decided to humor the young dragon. "Uh, hello?" The pink pony stared at all of us before making a noise. "GAAAAAAAAASP!" Before zooming off in a random direction, while making me spin in the process. "WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!" Took me a good minute to stop spinning and regain my senses. "Did anypony get that number of that speeding pink locomotive?" What in the looney tunes fuck was THAT!? I believe it was an uncommon cartoon channeler, Jack. "Well that was certainly interesting." I have to agree with Twi here, she may be fast but her legs and bod were thick and fiiiihiine! Groow! I'm starting to think that the cartoons were not doing these ponies any justice. Her stats though left my appraisal in s sort of confusion so I cant use that for a while. "Well I guess we can work on the list while we're making friends. First up is Sweet Apple Archers, they're in charge of banquet preparations." Jingo barked in confirmation before he started sniffing the air and leading the way.
On the way I couldn't help but notice that something was bothering Twilight. "Is there something on your mind? You look like you're carrying the world on your shoulders." She looked at me like I somehow read her mind. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I raised an eyebrow and gave my retort. "We are in a world of magic and monsters, I think I can manage to believe what you may say." She did consider it a bit but shook her head to dismiss it. "Maybe later, when we're not so busy making sure things go well for the celebration." I gave a shrug and let the subject drop. "You're the boss, by the way I charge 2 bits by the hour." She gave me a look to see if I was serious. "I'm joking, heheheh. You need to learn how to lighten up." How could a pony not know how to take a joke? ... Oh right she spent her childhood as Celestia's number 1 student and didn't make time for friends. By Buddha I swear, Celestia really needs to pay more attention to their student's life rather than just have them handle things all the ti- My thoughts got interrupted by spike.
"We're here, Sweet Apple Acres dead ahead." As spike pointed out, a large farm laid before us, all... well most of it was apples of different variaties, there were some pears on a separate orchard at the back that the others didn't see. But other than that, this farm was nothing like the cartoon, it was far larger and much more colorful than the show presented so that is three times this reality hit me with something mind blowing... Better make that four times as we immediately found Applejack in the middle of harvesting some apples. I'm not one for muscle mamas, but yeeha she pulls it off quite well cuz that meat is CUT to perfection on her fore and hind legs. Guess it goes for show that magic isn't the only thing that can make you look great, hard work and practice gives you excellent rewards. "Yeeehaaa! Making record time for this here orchard."
Twilight sighed to herself as she, being her obvious introverted self, went over to introduce herself. I feel your pain Twi, believe me, I do. "Let's get this over and done with. Ahem, good afternoon, my name is Twilight Sparkle and- Whoa!" I also should mention that AJ has one hell of a hoofshake as she made Twi vibrate like an adult toy. "Well howdy do Miss Twilight, a pleasure making your acquaintance, I'm Applejack. We here at Sweet Apple Acres, sure do like making new friends." Leaving Twilight in a daze, she turned her attention to me and began giving me the same hoofshake treatment. "And might I say what a pleasure it is to meet a tall glass of water like you. What's your name sugar?" Light flirting while introductions, this gal is something else. I manage to politely pry myself out of her grip before introducing myself. "Ahem, names Jack Daniels miss, just visitin for the celebrations and the tour of the place, but I'm always up for makin new friends." Even friends with benefits.
Twilight regained her stable poise and started. "We're actually here on official business for the summer sun celebration and needed some clarification." The orange muscle pony turned her attention back to twilight and still gave her best smile as she wondered what it could be about. 'Sure thang, what can I do you for?"
"Ahem, well are you and everyone that works on the farm in charge of the food assembly?" "We sure are, would you care to sample some?" Twi gave her reply, not knowing what is ahead. "As long as it doesn't take too long." Being as I'm the demon lord with an abys of an empty stomach, I decided to at least help Twilight out of this situation. "Count me in, I may not be an important figure but I never say no to an opportunity to free food." On that note, AJ zoomed to the dinner bell (She is so fucking fast on her hooves) before sounding it off. "Soup's on everypony!" A few seconds later and we get overwhelmed by a stampede of the apple family while banjos played in the background, before finding ourselves seated by a table and to not bore you with details she basically introduced everypony by the plate of what they made. In short, it was allot of apples, a lot more than who they showed on the show, most were females which confirmed that the male population were outnumbered by females.
AJ neared the end of the list to name her closest relatives. "(Inhaaaaale) Big Macontosh, Applebloom aaaaaaand, Granny Smith. She pointed to the elderly pony sleeping on the rocking chair. Good old Granny Smith with large well of wisdom. "Up and atem Granny Smith, we got guests here. The elder apple pony woke up and mumbled her usual tired half words, now if only I could translate them into English proper. "Well it seems she likes the both of ya'll! Why I'd say, you two are already part of the family!"
Twilight was so caught off-guard that she did a spit take with the apple pie she was eating. "PFFFFFFTLAH, ahem! Eheha, Well I can see that the food situation is handled so we'll be on our way." The little filly Applebloom interjected with her puppydog eyes. "Aren't you going to stay for brunch?" Twilight was already starting to regret coming here as she started saying, "Sorry we can't stay but we have a lot to-" GRRRRROOOOOOWWWWWLLLLL! That was the sound of my stomach as the sight of the food reminded it of what it has missed food. "Oop! Hehehe, sorry yall I kinda missed breakfast. Feels like I haven't had food in a thousand years." The apple ponies laughed at the truth turned joke though AJ gave my a look as if she could sense I was telling the truth so I had to act fast. "Come on Twilight, it would be rude not to have at least a bite to eat, besides I know for a fact that you haven't had anything to eat either miss grumpy pants."
She blushed from embarrassment as she knew that it was somehow true. "(Sigh) Fine, just a quick bite." What happened from there was like a fucking pie eating contest except with loads of apple treats, I don't mean to brag but I won by a land slide, mostly because again I'm an abominable empty pit of a slime. The apple ponies were quite impressed that I was able to clean my plates. A shame I can't do an appraisal run on AJ.... Oh well, maybe next time. After we were done, spike spoke up as we left. Food's all taken care of, next is weather. Twilight groaned from a full belly. "Uuuugh, I ate too much pie. How did you even put away all those apple treats? You were like an unstoppable eating machine! I smirked and gave a bull shit reason. "High metabolism, one of my many talents of yours truly, I eat and then I exercise to turn my food into energy. Course I had to balance it out with some fundamentals of magic by exercising my telekinesis too."
She looked at me like I was some sort of nut. "That has to be the most ridiculous reason I have ever heard, is that why you're as large as that Macintosh guy!?" Spike was trying to get our attention again. "Ahem, guys, need a little focus here!" I responded apologetically. "Oops, sorry spike, you may continue." He nodded in thanks. "Hmm, says here that the sky is supposed to be cleared up by a Pegasus named Rainbow Dash." Twi looked up at the sky and saw the opposite. Well she's not doing a very good job, is she? An alarm sounded off with sage warning me. Jack, duck! I jumped out of the way while doing a duck impression for shits and giggles. "QUACK!"
"Quack-? OOF!" Sadly Twi does not have the same kind of alarm bells as she was pile driven into some mud by none other than the hot thin but perky tomboy and obviously Bi rainbow dash. Oops... Heheheh, excuse me heheh. Here let me help you out! She grabbed a dark cloud from somewhere and drenched the poor unicorn in a flash rain, got her clean at least but her fur and mane clung to her. Hehah, oops! Guess I overdid it. I tried to step in before she would do something else to "help" Twi. "Is it alright if I tried something?" Rainbow waved it off. "No no I got this, I know what to do. My very own patented, Rain-blow Dry." I suppose I don't have to tell you how that ended. (Snrk) DAT HAIR DOE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, man we were laughing our asses off when we saw Twi with a bad fro.
Ahem, I'm guessing you're Rainbow Dash? When RD calmed down, she gave a smug look before hovering. Don't ask how with those wings flapping slow. "The one and only. Why, you heard of me?" Twi was about to get annoyed and give a small bit of snark. "Ahem, well it's just that we heard there was supposed to be cleared skies for the big event tomorrow. The name's Jack Daniels, just having a tour around town before the celebration. And this here unicorn-" I waited for Twilight to introduce herself.
"Is Twilight sparkle, Hello. I've been sent by the princess to check on the weather." RD being her usual lazy self decided to crash on the cloud. "Yeah yeah yeah, in a sec. I'm in the middle of practice." She pointed to a poster that had the Wonderbolts image. The Wonderbolts? The most talented fliers of all of Equestria? I looked to Twi and I think I knew what she was getting at. "Pfff please. They would never accept a pony that couldn't keep the skies clear for just one day."
RD sat up feeling like she just got insulted. "Hey, I can clear the sky in 10 seconds flat." I helped goaded RD a bit by being the little shit I usually am. "I hear a lot of yappin and not a lot of flapping." She gave the face of challenge accepted and flew around at an impossible speed while sage started the count. When she was done, she came back down and looked all smug. "What I say? Ten, seconds, flat. I never leave Ponyville hanging. Heheh you should see the look on your faces." Twi was in a look of shock while I still had my shit eating grin as Sage gave me the time. "Ten point five, that last cloud took half a second to finish off." Rainbow looked at me like I just spat in her breakfast and got a bit up in my face. "You looking to start something you can't finish buster?"
I still smiled and responded. "I happen to be doing it, except it will be in a race. You, me, on the flat planes. You do the flying, I do the running. The stakes are this, free food for the winner while the loser pays. Sound good?" She was still up in my face with a stare that refuses to back down. "You're on blue boy! Let's hang out together some time Twilight Sparkle!" She flew with great speed while spike snapped Twi out of her stupor. "Err, huh? What happened?" Spike filled her in that I tricked RD to a lunch date as we headed to the next stop for decoration prep, while at the same time to go fix Twi's mane.
I'm putting a stop here for a bit, because holy shit the ink is almost out. Sage, another reminder to get more ink.
Author's Note
This took too long, had low motivation, and sleepless nights trying to get this self insert just right. Gods I am TIRED!
Not. Funny. AJ. I hope the readers appreciate what I do.