Chapters The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
An Unfair and Upsetting Beginning
The Standard and Normal Human Two 1
Let’s get right into this shall we? Right, I want you to picture the most intolerable person you can think of, they can be fictional or from real life as long as you have someone painted in your mind...
Ok, you did you manage that?
For some people that will have been as easy as pie, but now let’s throw that on its side and change the scene. Think Equestria, now do the same thing again except think of the most intolerable creature possible. Several should come to mind, mainly the obvious ones like Dragons, Diamond Dogs, heck even changelings... There are some exceptions for them though…
If however you said ‘Griffons’ then let me point out that you might be quite surprised... Back when this all happened my understanding and knowledge of Griffons in general was pretty bad, that’s putting it lightly by the way... I mean compare them to humans, not every human acts the same way. I guess in mind’s eye I pictured them to be like Gilda, not just in appearance but in attitude as well… Straight off the bat stereotyping them into the same group... I was wrong...
Extremely Wrong...
Let me begin...
It had been several months since my first visit to Equestria, being told that Discord is watching you and that he could grab you at any time is a sure fire way to make me so paranoid, that I actually prepared a backpack just in case he tried anything... No joke... In it contained all of the essentials to surviving in another world, extra clothes, sleeping bag, tooth brush, heck you know the drill. I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to holidays away from work, I mean it’s only been 2-3 months since my last one and there I was again, a week off. Instead of doing ‘Nothing All Week’ I had been rather busy doodling, I never realized how good I was at doing a drawing that a child could do... Hmm, that sounded better in my head...
Anyway, it was around 7am and the doorbell rang. Once again it was Frank doing his rounds, he was looking as happy as ever...
“Morning Nick!” Frank the milkman chirped, “I see you’re in a good mood...”
There I stood once again, this time I was wearing my black Trilby. Oh and if I called it a fedora before then I was wrong, it’s definitely a trilby. I was wearing my black jeans/shoes/shirt red tie combo, what? I love those clothes, I look classy. “Oh yes and this time I’ve found something to keep me occupied...” I replied, upon receiving the milk I placed it on the side. “Perhaps I can get something productive done now eh?”
“I’m sure you will, take care now!” Frank said as he turned around to continue his rounds, I let out a yawn and closed the door. After I put the milk away I continued my feeble attempts at drawing, I managed to get some writing done as well so I was on top of the world!
Yeah, I’m that easily impressed… But if you’ve read about my previous trip then you would know that :P
Unknown to me, yet again, something chaotic was stirring in the world where the talking ponies derive. However it wasn’t Equestria, in fact it was outside of Celestia’s royal control. It was a kingdom, home to the Griffon Empire… Past the barren wasteland and above the forest itself , you can find this kingdom hiding in between the valleys, overseeing the land... Near the edge of this city was a waterfall which is where the river flows through the forest and wasteland.
Down in the streets of the kingdom, in between the tweed roofed houses, there was a creature skulking around, it was one that didn’t belong. He had the arm of a chicken and head of a goat, it was none other than Discord. He was preparing his own organized chaos in the Griffons front yard so to speak, this was dangerous for several reasons but I’ll go into that detail later. He was disguised, of course, wearing a long dark cloak. I mean it would have been rather silly for him to walk around in the open. But like I said, this will be explained later…
Slowly he reached into his pocket and pulled out something all too familiar, it was a scroll. The very same scroll that summoned me to Equestria the first time round, with a sinister smirk on his face he began to shout the inscription aloud so that all of the Griffon Empire would hear him…
Back on earth I sat at my desk, blissfully unaware of what was going on. Yet again, I was at the computer, trying to come up with some ideas for one thing or another.
However as I was about to save my work the computer screen went black, “Oh what?” I asked in confusion, my instinct was to check the electric trip switch but it was still on, what was even stranger was that the computer was still on. “Hang on a second…” Well that was it, my paranoia had kicked in. I dived for my bag and waited a couple of seconds for something to happen, but nothing did…
I gave a sigh of relief and sat back down on my chair, shortly after this however…
‘Why hello there my boy’
The monitors screen turned purple, oh and it was talking to me in a voice I knew all too well…
I sighed before taking the opportunity to have some fun before he took me away, “I don’t want anything you’re selling…” I told the monitor, “Go back to Amazon.co.uk and find another customer…”
Oh and don’t think that when this happened I was cool and collected, if I appeared like that to Mr D himself it was because I was hiding my emotions. I was quite terrified, I won’t lie about that… I mean come on, I knew why he was here. I wasn’t going to get away from him, I mean how do you run from chaos itself?
The truth is simple… You can’t…
‘What are you blathering on about human?’
“Heck if I know” I replied shrugging my shoulders. ”I was kind of hoping to stall you long enough so that I could get away…”
“U-huh… So how’s that working out for you boy?” Discord asked me, knowing full well that he was stopping me.
“Well let me think… Oh Yeah!” I began as I tried opening my door, it was sealed shut. “You seemed to have locked my door… You’re just-”
“Chaotic? Well it is my nature…”
“I was actually going to say jerk but whatever…” I informed him, there was a short silence… And then finally…
‘… Well you are as strange as the Equestrians say…”
“U-huh…” I replied blandly, “And?”
‘And… You’ve peeked my interests…’
Seconds later a giant chicken hand phases through the computer monitor and grabs me, “H-Hey! Get Off!” I shouted, but he wasn’t letting go…
“Oh where’s the fun in that?” I could hear Discord ask me as he dragged me through, kicking and screaming by the way…
Then he began to drag me to my doom…
The End…
Oh, right… What happened after?
Well this time I landed closer to the ground, he let me go, well I say that but he pretty much threw me. As soon as I was free I went into a roll to protect myself. I bumped into a wall and fell to my back, I was so freaking dizzy I didn’t even notice that the whole kingdom was just watching me, “Ugh… Just… Why?”
Discord leaned over where I was sitting, “Why not my boy!” He said with that smug face of his, “I’d love to stay and chat but I’m afraid that I’m not welcome here… Try to have some fun!”
And with that he vanished into a cloud of laughter and chocolate milk, as for me I just sat there and face palmed. “… Not again…” I uttered to myself while slowly getting to my feet. I had a look around at my surroundings… I was out in the open, well kind of anyways. The city itself was rather similar to Canterlot, with its own Griffon kind of feel to it.
To explain it better?
It was right in the center of a valley, the layout was both completely bizarre but also pretty sweet. You see not only was the castle overlooking everything, but just below were the streets filled with houses with thatched roofs, which was rather similar to Ponyville, that existed for the town’s fo-… Wait, castle folk? Or, maybe valley folk? … I don’t even know… Now maybe this doesn’t sound too strange right? But get this! In the actual mounds of the valley there were what appeared to be small holes, these were homes as well. They were carved out from the inside so that you had a decent living space, how I knew that will be revealed later on… It does make some sense though; I mean they’re part lion so some would want to keep their feet on the ground, whereas they are also part bird so living somewhere high would be just as good. Now I would have enjoyed the scenery even more if not for the flock of guards charging towards me, see what I did there?
“Halt!” A flock of Griffon guards surrounded me; I immediately put my hands up to show I didn’t mean any harm.
“Whoa! Easy guys…” I reasoned, slowly backing up slightly. “Cool your feathers, I’m not a threat-“
“Lies! “, I heard a voice shout, “Discord brought it here himself, it must be his Ally!”
“… It?” I asked in an aggravated tone, “I have a name you know, also I was brought here against my will… Discord is a jerk-“
“What’s going on out here?!” Another, yet stronger and deeper voice shouted, interrupting my explanation.
“Ah your highness” One of the guards began; he was wearing armour and a cape. No head gear though, I couldn’t see the king from where I was… “Discord was sighted in the kingdom, and then he summoned something…”
“Ahem…” I said, trying to get some attention. “My name is Nick… That’s N. I. C. K.”
“You’ll speak when spoken to, Ally of Discord!” The same guard shouted, that nonsense was getting on my nerves. Just behind him was a younger Griffon, with a smaller crown on its head and a smaller body compared to the other griffons. I could not only assume that this was a female, but that it was also a princess of some kind, that’s what I figured at the time anyway. The same guard turned to face her, “Please go back to your quarters…” He asked her, I think she pouted before turning around in a rather disappointed fashion, almost as if she’d heard that before…
Oh and for the record, if I’m 5 foot 6 and a pony is around 3 feet tall, compared to me it’s around waist height. Yes I’ve said this before but I’m restating it for a very important reason, Griffons can either be 1 foot taller than ponies, kind of like comparing Gilda to RD, or even taller than that. Heck the king was huge, no joke. At least 6 feet tall, he towered over me with ease. As for the guards they varied, usually between 4-6 foot. Did you get all of that? I hope so, because explaining that was a lot more confusing than I first thought…
“Ally?” The deep demanding voice said, I looked behind the guard and lo and behold it was the king himself. With a crown encrusted with jewels and a red robe with what I guess was ‘The Royal Seal’ or something imprinted on it, he commanded his guards with little effort. “… Take it away; get it out of my sight!”
I didn’t even get a trial, as soon as I was labelled as an ally to Discord I was stuffed…
“W- Wait!” I shouted, my first mistake of the day was trying to get past the guards and getting to the king. I remember feeling a sharp punch to the gut and then falling to the ground…
“Take him away…” A blurred voice said, after that though I had lost consciousness…
My mind went astray for the most part, I started dreaming about a prison break. I received a nail file in a cake and had begun to file the bars. Oh and by the way, does this actually work? Surely the guards are going to notice if the bar is missing some of its structure… No? Whatever, anyway I had managed to get out and, for whatever reason, I was suddenly being chased by not one but two dragons. They kept screaming, ‘Hey I’m Grump! I’m Not So Grump!’ Over and over again… Not a big surprise since I have been watching Game Grumps for quite a while now… Eventually I turned around to face them and I shouted, ‘Um, can you STAAAAAAWP!’ Through a microphone that I had pulled out of nowhere…
Then just like that I woke up, my stomach was killing me. When Griffons mean business they don’t mess around, heck they have to keep their kingdom safe after all. If I had to say anything I’d say that they are extremely capable warriors, why? Yet again, I’ll explain later… I got up from the ground and had a look around, for a jail cell it wasn’t that bad. Well, I had a bed, toilet, window, oh and a lock chained to my foot. It was linked to the middle of the room which allowed me to move freely around the cell, considering that I was ‘An ally to Discord’ I think I was let off easy.
“… Why the heck is he doing this?” I asked out aloud, parking my backside on the bed provided I began to think. “This can’t be just because he finds it fun…”
“Why not?” I heard Discords voice come from somewhere, I started looking around and finally I looked out of the window. “Aren’t you having fun?”
“What do You Think!?” I barked at him, I was ticked off… Big time.
“Oh my, that look in your eyes… I’d like to say I’m sorry Nicky my boy but I’m afraid I’d be lying” He told me casually, with that stupid smirk on his face.
This was the first time I had encountered Discord in person, up until now he was my favorite character from the MLP universe… Now? Well, let’s just say that he’s down at the bottom, right next to Prince Blueblood… The jerk…
“When I get out of here-“I started, preparing an idle threat to try and blow off some steam.
“Which you won’t, in fact I’d say that they’d probably send you off to Tartarus” He said casually, “You know what that is right?”
“… Depends, are we talking Human Tartarus or… This worlds Tartarus?” I answered hesitantly, I knew he was messing with me but I figured getting angry or upset wasn’t going to help me now.
“No not the ‘Human’ version, too dark for my liking…” He replied, obviously he knew a bit about world. “No, it’s a place where all the nastiest creatures go… Here, I’ve even got you your bag!”
Suddenly a pair of shades miraculously appeared out of nowhere and onto his face, followed by a hat and what appeared to be a glass of ice cold chocolate milk... Literally by the way, the chocolate milk was frozen. “Oh you’re going to Love it! I hear it’s really nice this time of year!”
“… You…I… So- Much- Rage…” I uttered out loud, cutting my own words off without realizing it.
“Aw, there-there… Oh and don’t forget your bag-“He reassured me, then he threw my bag through the bars and into my face.
I removed the bag started ranting, “I swear when I get out-“But by the time I did he was gone, I stumbled to the ground and slammed the floor with my fist shouting “Darnit!” I did this for a while to take off my mind all the crap that was going on, I was close so to breaking I was holding back the tears in my eyes. I sighed it off and dragged myself to the bed to get some sleep, the mattress sucked…
Several hours passed and nothing new happened, yep, you try writing about being stuck in a jail cell for what seemed like an eternity whilst waiting for your impending doom…It’s difficult… I got up and looked out the window from my cell and into the distance, I wasn’t that high up. There was what appeared like a waterfall at the edge of the kingdom far into the distance on my right side, it was the same one that ran through city, there was a small hole in one side of the wall containing the flow of the water, basically they tapped into that and poof, they had their own fresh water supply. The water that was still contained in the walls then fell off the edge of what appeared to be a cliff, this led the water into the forest below and then even further out into the desert wasteland. I opened my bag and took out something reflective, carefully I held it through the windows bars and could see my first problem. I was in the valley itself, meaning that not only would getting out become difficult, but how would I know where to go? I mean it would have been a mess of tunnels and passage ways, getting out using my own instinct was a sure way of getting lost… I suddenly realized that my bag was on my person before I was knocked out, so why did Discord give me it back? It didn’t matter; I hid it under my pillow for the time being so that the guards wouldn’t take it away from me.
Then speak of the devil a guard comes up to my cell, through the gap in the bottom of the cell he slides through some food and water for me. I seized the moment and tried to get some answers…
“Wait!” I shouted, as he was about to walk away.
This guard gave me quite a strange look, “What is it?” He asked in a stern but concerned voice.
“I don’t understand, if you think I’m with Discord why are you keeping me here?” I asked him, this seriously confused the heck out of me.
“I’m going to be clear” he began, I shut up and listened. “We do not know what you are, who you are or even where you came from, but if you’re with Discord then you’re no friend of ours…”
“I tried to tell you earlier! I’m not with that jerk!” I explained, raising my voice as I did. All I got from him was a puzzled look, “What? Does that ‘confuse’ you?” It sounded rather vindictive when I said it, my excuse? None… Did I really need one?
“You think- That all happened yesterday, you’ve been out for the past 12 hours…” He told me, I could barely believe it. “As for if I believe you or not...”
He walked back and forth for a moment, compiling the thoughts in his head. “Well?” I asked, at this point I was holding onto the bars looking rather sorry for myself. “Do I seriously look that dangerous?”
“Appearances are only a feather deep, but if I had to say-“He began but stopped mid-sentence, his head turned to the distance and looked rather irritated. “My lady, this is no place for a princess…”
‘A princess?’ I thought to myself, when you think of them what do you first think of? Peach?
Zelda? They usually sound so innocent, this voice and the attitude that followed however was not what I pictured…
“Stop telling me what to do! I’m so sick and tired of being stuck in one place!” She shouted, from what I could tell it sounded rather ‘Tomboyish’ to me.
“Ugh, listen…” He began, it sounded as if he’d said this many times before. “I hardly think that visiting a prison is befitting to royalty…”
“But it’s so boring! I’d rather get out of the kingdom and explore-“She began to argue, but this guard wasn’t having any of that.
“Enough!” he shouted, he then gave himself several seconds to collect his thoughts before calmly following that up. “…Please, return to your quarters…”
There was a short silence before she answered, “Fine…” I could hear her footsteps getting quieter and quieter as she left the area.
I gave the guard a casual look as if I’d seen it somewhere before, mainly because I think we all have at some point. “… Kid’s these days right?” I said with a chuckle, the guard gave me a puzzled look for a moment before smiling back.
“Tell me about it, she doesn’t understand the importance of her future position… We all know it…” He replied casually, shrugging his wings as did. If a certain Card had seen this then I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t be laughing, also if you don’t get what I just said then shame on you! … I’m just kidding, really…
“I can understand her frustration though” I explained, I’ve had plenty of experience with this feeling. “I mean being confined to one place can become daunting after a while”
“You’re not siding with her are you?” He asked me, confusion yet again took over his face.
“Hey, I’m just trying to see it from both sides…” I began to elaborate, “Sometimes you need to put yourself in their shoes…”
“Shoes?” The guard asked, I swear that puzzled face was getting on my nerves at this point.
“Yeah, shoes…” I replied, pointing to my feet “…Don’t tell me no one wears them Mr-“Then it dawned on me, I never even asked this dude’s name. “Oh! Sorry, I never did introduce myself… My name is Nick, also, before you ask, I’m what’s called a human”
This threw him off slightly, eventually he snapped out of it. “Oh, they call me Clink. I’m in charge of the prison…” Note, Clink can also mean prison. Ironic no? “I’ve been watching over this place for 10 years”
“Huh, seen any tough customers during your time?” I jested, he just sniggered to himself and flexed his arms.
“None that I couldn’t handle…” he replied, this guy was huge. Heck you wouldn’t want to mess with him at all, like ever…
“Pff, show off…” I added, I knelt down and took a bite out of the bread I was given. “So, how long do you think I’ll be here for?” I asked with my mouthful.
“It could be weeks, even months…” He said, at this point that bread I was eating decided to go down the wrong way, thus I had begun to choke. “Um… Are you ok?”
I quickly grabbed the cup of water and downed it as fast as I could, eventually my throat cleared and then I proceeded to take a deep breath before shouting “Months!? I cannot stay here for that long… I- I need to get to Equestria and see Celestia, I could clear this whole misunderstanding up!”
“I’m sorry but the king wouldn’t allow it…” He told me, I gave a loud sigh and took a seat on the bed. “He’s had a run in with Discord in the past, let’s just say that it didn’t sit well with him-“He stopped once again during his sentence and looked into the distance, “Princess, please go back to your quarters, I don’t want to get the royal guards…”
I could hear her scurrying away in the distance, at first I thought the first time she left the area, unless this time she was eavesdropping?
“Look, I’m sorry for all of this but I don’t have any choice in the matter…” He began to explain, “I just hope time is kind to you…”
“Wait, does this mean you believe me?” I asked swiftly, hope had once again found its way back to me.
“Let’s just say that you don’t look dangerous to me” He reassured me, “You hardly look like you could cause any trouble or even start a fight”
I took that comment with a pinch of salt, “… I don’t know whether I should feel relieved or insulted…”
He laughed, nodded to me and walked off down the corridor. I was lucky to get an actual conversation let alone some kind of support, but that didn’t really help me at this point. I mean the last time I was in a cage I was waiting to be rescued, this time however no one knew I was there in the first place so it was definitely not going to happen. No giant chicken was going to rescue me this time, well that’s what I told myself anyway. In fact after I got myself comfy on the bed I had a think, the only two that knew about that suit were myself and Trixie. So surely no one else would have known about it? Well except from the ponies watching the show right? But having said that, even if that were the case there’s no way they could have learned how to move around like that without practice. This line of thinking was hurting my head so I decided to forget about it and go to sleep, well, that was the plan anyway…
I was missing my own room, the cell I was in was a familiar size. It was just missing a computer, TV, heck anything would have been good. As I pre explained I’m a technology nut, I’d be lost without my pc…
“Hey… Um, you!” I heard a voice whisper, I ignored it and carried on snoozing. “… Hello?”
“Ugh” I replied, showing my disinterest in the mystery voice while still remaining rather chilled out.
“D-Did you just ignore me?!” She whispered slightly louder… Wait, is there a world for that? Whispering louder I mean… I’ll Google it later… “Ok, if that’s how it’s going to be…”
The next thing I know I get a stone thrown at me, in the face no less. “Ach! Watch it! Are you trying to blind me?!” I shouted, recoiling and falling off the bed in shock.
What I was witness to was a surprise; it was a rather small Griffon wearing a hooded cloak. Small in stature and rather thin, quite bizarre really…
“Huh, an ominous character?” I uttered out loud, I got up from the ground and walked up to the bars, I started leaning from side to side to try and see their face. “Because this isn’t suspicious…”
“Now I have your attention…” She began then revealed herself by removing her cloak, “I have a request- No, an order” She stated, interrupting herself trying to show some authority.
“U-huh...” I replied blandly, I don’t like being pushed around, I had enough problems like that as a kid… I gave a loud sigh and signalled that she had my attention, “Fine-fine, what is it?”
“It’s quite simple really…” She began, pulling out a key she started swinging it on her finger… Wait, no I mean her claw. “I want you to kidnap me-“ Before she even knew it I was laughing my plot off, in true rofl style as well. “W-What’s so funny!?”
“Oh- It’s nothing really. Just don’t tell me your name’s Garnet though or I’m going to have trouble breathing” I informed her, I’ve been playing Final Fantasy 9 recently and this whole scenario sounded extremely familiar. “Tell me your name, is it sweet?”
“What? No My-“ She started, but my own amusement came first.
Before she even had a chance to finish that sentence I shouted, “She said, ‘My Boy its Dagger! Oh Yeah” Oh and look up ‘Chelsea Dagger’ on YouTube, that song is very good.
As I was chuckling away her eyes were questioning my sanity, not the best thing to happen since they thought I was helping chaos himself. I took a moment and collected myself so I was calm, several deep breaths later… “So… Why do you need my help?”
She took a moment to answer; I think my actions had thrown her off slightly. “I overheard you and the guard talking, you’ve been to Equestria right?”
“Yeah, that’s right” I confirmed for her, I can be serious when I need to be… Those occasions however are rather rare…
“Look, I’ve been stuck in this kingdom for too long” She elaborated, “I’ve read books, seen maps and pictures of Equestria. I want to go there myself, I want a chance to be free…”
I could see exactly what she was getting at “…And I need to get there to prove my innocence… Not only that but I know my way… So in other words-“
“We can help each other out! You can find a way back to… Wherever it is you come from, and I can finally explore life outside of the kingdom and finally see Equestria for myself…” She brought her hand- Ugh, I mean claw forward through the bars.
At this point I was tallying up and weighing all of my options. I had come to several conclusions:-
If I stayed here I would be sent to Tartarus (Note, this would be BAD)
If I went with her we’d be on the run from the royal guards (Note, this would be Extremely Bad!)
… Did I really have a choice in the matter?
That was it basically, I could have done nothing but then what? Heck if I had a chance I was going to take it, no matter what…
I raised my hand and took a hold of her claw, “Ok, it’s a deal… So, how we do?”
I think that sentence confused her slightly, “How we- Oh! I’ll unlock this gate first and then we need to get out of here, they’ll be looking for the both of us…”
This was all well and good at the time, but I still didn’t know what to call her. “Ok, but first- and I’m being serious this time, what is your name?”
“Hmm, it’s probably best you don’t know” She informed me, being mysterious as ever. “… What did you call me earlier that made you laugh so much?”
“What? Oh, Dagger-” I replied, suddenly I realized what she was about to suggest. “… Don’t tell me-“
“Just call me Dagger for now then” Dagger said happily, this was so freaking bizarre it wasn’t even funny… Wait, what am I saying!? It’s Hilarious! Gah! If I had known I would have called Clink ‘Steiner’ too…
She unlocked the gate and we then encountered our first obstacle, you see as I walked towards the door my foot dragged me backwards. I was still chained to the floor, “Oh, I completely forgot about that!” Dagger informed me, I was not amused.
“Considering I thought you had a ‘Good’ escape plan I am very disappoint” I told her, this wasn’t the best start to an escape. “Ideas?”
“Can’t you break the chains with your human abilities?” Dagger asked me, clearly she hadn’t a clue about what I was at the time.
“… I do hope your joking right?” I replied, I wasn’t finding this remotely funny. “Humans don’t have any special abilities, our world doesn’t have magic in it… End of”
“R-really?” She stuttered, I guess a world without magic would sound rather bizarre to creatures of this world. “Ok… Um, I guess I can try breaking it…”
She walked into the cell and wrapped the chain around her arm, then she started yanking that thing with everything she had. I seriously had my doubts at this point, but what else was there? She looked like she was struggling a bit, “Um… You doing alright there?” She didn’t answer, I think she was too busy trying to get me free.
Moments later however the chain unhooked itself from the ground, ironically she was still pulling when she did it. This of course sent me flying with the chain, just like out of some 90’s cartoon… It hurt, a lot…
“Um, whoops… Sorry” Dagger said, looking innocent after accidentally launching me into a word of pain… It has another name however, it’s called the ceiling… I landed back onto the ground and wished cartoon physics didn’t exist, but also I realized that this Griffon wasn’t as weak as I first thought. The only problem now that that the chain was still hooked to my leg, I figured I couldn’t do anything to get it off so I took it and wrapped it around my waist like a belt. But it was still loose enough so that my leg was free to move, it wasn’t very comfy but we didn’t have time to mess around.
“Right, let’s get out of here…” I announced, I walked out of my cell and then felt rather stupid. “… Um, so which way are we going?”
Dagger face… clawed… Ugh hang on, that sounded terrible… “Ugh, it’s this way, oh and I’d better leave this behind” She took off her crown and placed it on a pillow in the middle of the room, “I don’t want to imagine the lecture I’d get if I lost that… Right, it’s this way!”
She led me down the corridor to freedom, well I had hoped so anyway. It was as I had feared, it was a bunch of long tunnels and pathways. Did I mention I have a problem with enclosed spaces?
This trek was about to get rather uncomfortable however, all because Dagger turned around and said that one word- No, that sound, that tells you and everybody else around you that this person is unsure. “Um… I think it’s this way…”
Um. That’s the one, let me give you some friendly advice, if you’re driving along and you need to stop for directions, remember this. If they say ‘Um’, just drive away… Top Gear taught me that :P
Then we took that wrong turn and it made everything go very badly, we walked around a corner and it was crowded… With Griffon Guards no less, it turned out that we were right in the middle of the guards barracks, it was so freaking awkward.
We were staring each other down, there was an awkward silence until eventually, “So um… we’re just passing through… No need to get up we’ll move along” I uttered with a smile on my face, nothing seems to go the same way like you see in cartoons or Anime does it?
“He has the princess!” One of the guards shouted, for a split second I didn’t know why he thought that. I looked down and Dagger had taken that same chain and wrapped it around her hands… Claws… I swear this is getting old but hey, I guess I have to be accurate… I didn’t even notice when she took that chain but whatever, it didn’t matter now. So yeah, that’s when I panicked.
“Crap! Let’s Book it!” I shouted, taking hold of the chain I took Dagger and legged it. We charged through the tunnels and I swear to you right now, it was just like Scooby-Doo. It felt like we had run through the same pathways and tunnels over and over again, if I could have played some Benny Hill chase music I would have died happy…
After what felt like yet another eternity we had finally escaped what was the Griffon’s royal prison or something like that, it turned out it wasn’t just a prison. Like I said this tunnel system was so crazy I didn’t really know where I was going, we passed many different areas all built into the valley itself. Even though I only saw through the doorways I had a good idea of what I saw, a vast library that would put even Miss Sparkle’s own collection to shame. What appeared like some kind of court, I wanted to charge in slam the table and shout ‘Objection!’ But, we didn’t really have time for that.
Eventually we found ourselves out in broad daylight, Dagger led me down the stairs which led us into the city itself. I didn’t realize it but she was leading us to the waterfall I had spotted in the prison, I learn't why later and then quickly wished I that hadn’t…The guards were fast, faster than me anyway. But Dagger was the one pulling me along, by the chain no less. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought that she had been planning her escape for a long time, she never stopped once no matter how tired she was… She wanted to be free, it was blatantly obvious…
“Don’t stop! Just keep running!” Dagger shouted back at me, almost as if didn’t know this very basic premise.
“You Think I Don’t Know That!?” I barked back at her, her response was a quick yank on the chain that she was dragging me by. I was lucky it wasn’t so tight, otherwise I’d have been dragged along the ground… Painfully by the way.
The griffon citizens I ran past saw me and high tailed it away from me, not like I wasn’t expecting that though right? I looked into the distance and I could see more Griffons coming from the walls, literally. You know those holes I was talking about built into the valley? They swooped down from the holes and chased after us, but Dagger was quicker, much quicker. We stopped when we got to the waterfall, we didn’t exactly have anywhere to go… We stopped just near the edge, it wasn’t open or anything like that, and there was a fence for safety so you couldn’t just walk off. The Health and Safety regulators would have a total fit if they saw that…
“Halt! Hand over the princess immediately ally of chaos-“One of the guards shouted, I however interrupted him as I had just about had enough.
“Shut Up bird brain!” I shouted back angrily, “You know nothing about me, yet you seem to have prejudged me just because Discord brought me here!”
“Nick! What are you doing!?” I heard a voice shout out to me, next thing I see is Clink scrambling past the guards making his way to the front. “Where are you taking the princess?!”
“Listen to me when I say this ok?” I began, all the guards were getting ready to jump us but I think they were also trying to keep some distance. Why do I think this? Well can a bird swim? Oh and what do cats hate? Water of course… “If this is the only way to prove my innocence then I have no choice, you didn’t listen to me and now I have been forced to take action!” That statement was partially true obviously, as for the rest? I bluffed, I made a deal to help Dagger out and I wasn’t going to go back on deal.
I was looking around for an escape route, it wasn’t looking good as the only way we could go was down the waterfall itself. I didn’t want to use that escape route, I was still looking around for somewhere to run to… Unfortunately for me however Dagger decided to make a decision for the both of us as she decided to climb onto the fence and then dive off, this in turn dragged me towards the edge of the fence and then launched me over the edge. Shortly after this I started plummeting downwards whilst trying not to wet myself in total shock and fear, I hate heights and the feeling of falling, it just wasn’t my day.
“Ok, Hang on!” Dagger shouted, I could barely hear her because I was screaming on the way down. I could see what she was trying to do, she was flapping her wings and trying to slow us as we descended down, it wasn’t working. “Ugh, you weigh too much! I can’t stop us!”
“This is the LAST time I EVER listen to one of your bright ideas!” I yelled to Dagger, my eyes began to dart around as I was beginning to lose consciousness. I tried to shake my head to keep myself awake but alas it was no good, before we hit the water’s surface I remember Dagger grabbing me and twisting me towards the sky. She was going to take the brunt of the impact…
And then?
Um… I don’t really know what else to tell you to be quite frank, I remember waking up in the deep dark forest, which as I recall was just below of the Griffon Empire. I coughed up some water and rolled to my side, I wish that I hadn’t however. I let out a sharp shout in pain, I soon realized that my left arm hurt like crazy.
I could see Dagger on the floor so I made my way to her, she wasn’t conscious and her wing looked rather beat up.
“Hey! Dagger!” I shouted as I tried to wake her up, I knelt down to see if she was breathing. I soon realized that because I was on the river side when I woke up, she must have dragged me ashore.
I looked at my arm, I must have hit a sharp rock or something because it was grazed pretty bad, nothing major but it hurt to move it. I sat down to try and remember what had just happened, I recall falling for a long time. Well that was a no brainer right? I was thrashed around by the waters current, as we were forced further and further down the river bed the rocks began to point upwards above water level. I was pretty sure I bashed into rocks as we struggled, Dagger took most of the damage it seemed…
Meanwhile in the distance…
“Find them!”
“Yes Sir!”
“Search over there!”
“Oh crap…” I whispered to myself, I wasn’t really in any condition to move around or carry her but I didn’t have any other options on the table… I didn’t even have the table… I took her left claw and placed it over my left shoulder, and then with my right arm I held her up and began to drag her further into the forest…
‘Perhaps somewhere in there we could get some help?’ I thought to myself…
I knew one thing however, this visit wasn’t as pleasant as the last…
The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
Some Strange and Peculiar Encounters
The Standard and Normal Human Two 2
Carrying a griffon is no small feat, I mean like I said before they are slightly bigger and heavier than ponies. Having said that however I wasn’t going to tell Dagger what I thought, I mean telling human females that they weigh a lot is a sure fire way to get yourself a slap in the face. Griffons have claws, I was pretty sure I didn’t want to lose part of my face because of some stupid theory. But I digress…
We struggled through the dense forest that engulfed the area, it went on for what felt like an eternity. I could hear our pursuers in the background as they were tracking us, they were gaining faster than I had anticipated. Luckily however it had started to rain, hard. Visibility was now about 5 meters in front of me, I couldn’t see anything. I was cold, tired, hungry and now I was wet… How grand…
For all of y’all who thought going to the MLP world was going to be all sunshine and butterflies, let me tell you right now, you were more wrong than y’all could possibly imagine.
“Ugh, this is too much… We’ll never find them like this…” I heard one of the voices in the background, he sounded hopeless.
“We need to find her no matter what!” A female voice replied angrily, it must have been the second guard.
“Soon it’ll be too dark to see anything, it would be best to start the search again in the morning…”
Eventually, whilst carrying Dagger, we came across a cave. It was kind of small but to evade our pursuers it was rather well placed, I didn’t even consider what could be inside, I just walked straight in and got comfy. It was rather weird, in the corner of the cave was what appeared to be a big brown rug that had been rolled up on its side, I ignored it and carefully placed Dagger on the ground. I took out my bag and started rummaging around, I grabbed a couple of towels and a hand warmer. I placed one of her and kept the other for myself, the last thing you want to do is walk around in wet clothing. It’s a fast way to make yourself ill…
Oh and I’m not an expert by any means when it comes to survival, I’ve seen a couple of videos by Bear Grylls so I had a good idea of the do’s and don’ts. I took a seat and grabbed a drink, no, I didn’t drink my own ‘liquids’ before you even think to say it. I’m not a complete weirdo, insane maybe, but not weird enough to do that…
I took a look outside and night had descended over the forest, I couldn’t hear our pursuers, just the sound of the night sky, well that and the rain hitting the ground. Owls were hooting, squirrels were scurrying, it was rather peaceful. I changed into some dry clothes and wrapped the wet ones in the towel, I needed to dry them somehow at a later point in time. When I was finished I took my bag and placed it behind my head like a pillow on the ground and started to nod off, I would need my energy for the journey in the morning… Not that I knew where I was going…
Once again the dream world had taken hold of my simple mind, I was in a class room at the back of the class. Discord was the teacher, now I didn’t know what he was teaching and I didn’t really care. I was doodling in my book, all around the walls of the classroom were clocks. In fact you couldn’t even see the walls there was so many of them, sat next to me was Dagger. She was looking at my work, oh and she kept on trying to get my attention…
‘Nick… Hey, you awake?’
‘Nick? Hey, wake up’
“Nick! Wake Up!” Dagger screamed into my ears, I woke up in a flurry. Before I could even shout at her I was witness to something truly terrifying.
Remember when I first walked into the cave and saw that brown rug? Yeah, it wasn’t a rug…
It was a bear… A big one…
Have you ever experienced extreme fear before? Like something that makes you truly quake in your boots?
Well when the thing roared in my direction, and by that I mean my face, I soon got myself to my feet in a flurry. I scurried to my left side which was rather stupid, this was mainly because I had edged myself into a corner, not a smart move.
I tried to speak but the words didn’t come out as I wanted them to, “I- Uh- Dag- What do-“ That’s all that came out, as I said it I looked to my left and she was experiencing the same feeling. Except she couldn’t get a word out, we were both truly terrified.
This feeling soon began to fade away as I spotted something which explained everything, I could see two cute little bear cubs. I looked back and forth between the cubs and the adult bear, I didn’t know if it was the mother or father so your guess is as good as mine. The cubs were looking in confusion, eventually they strolled over to my bag and started rummaging around.
‘What the heck are they doing?’ I thought to myself, eventually one of them dragged out a small tin of biscuits. To those who are confused by what these are, it’s not an American biscuit, it’s a British biscuit, bourbons to be exact. They couldn’t get inside, not having thumbs made it pretty much impossible for them to open it.
I looked back at the bear at the right time, it gave another roar before taking a swing for me with its paw. I ducked and rolled past it back to where I woke up. Dagger ran the opposite side and got behind the bear, it was more concerned for the safety of its children. The cubs backed away from me immediately, my bag and the tin fell back onto the floor, I think I spooked them and the parent was not happy.
I knew it was a long shot but I had to try something, I quickly opened up the tin and grabbed one of the treats inside. Slowly I moved my arm towards the cubs to try and show I wasn’t going to hurt them, “H-Here, you wanted one of these right?” I asked the cub nervously, heck I was shaking so bad I couldn’t hold it steady.
The cub stared at me, then at the biscuit, then back at me. In its mind it must have been thinking. ‘Why is it holding that in its hand? It smells yummy… Maybe it’s giving it to me? My daddy always said never talk to strangers…’ I don’t know, did that sound rather silly? Meh, so what? You know what else sounds silly? Talking ponies, a griffon princess, a Draconequus that enjoyed messing with my head… Oh and that my mind was slowly descending into madness… But why does the last one sound so silly? Well I’m already crazy, been listening to the Lavender town music since I was a kid… It’s just so catchy…
Anyway, the adult bear thought I was threatening its cubs. It was roaring at me rather loudly, one of the cubs ran towards its parent and hid behind it. The other one however stayed put, it was curious. You know that cute look pets give when they tilt their head and look at you? Yeah, it did that. It was adorable, so much so that I almost forgot about the killer bear on my left hand side getting ready to downright murder me… I mean I was pretty sure it didn’t just want a hug…
Slowly the remaining cub began to slowly walk towards me, my arm was still pointing towards it with the treat still in my hand. As it got closer I could tell that the parent was extremely worried, the roaring kept getting louder and louder. Eventually it reached my hand and started sniffing what I was holding.
Meanwhile behind the big bear, Dagger was having a nervous breakdown. “Nick!? What are you doing?!” She whispered loudly, desperately trying to evade detection of the parent… bear... Ugh…
… This is ridiculous… You know what? I’m just going to call the parent bear ‘Yogi’ from now on, it sounds better than saying ‘Adult bear’ or ‘Parent bear’ all of the time… I guess this counts as an intermission? Eh whatever, I’ll get back to the story in 3… 2… 1…
The cub then took a gamble and started licking my hand, it tickled, this caused me to laugh. It also managed to grab the bourbon with its teeth and started eating it. At this point I was slowly calming down, I was even stroking its head as it munched away.
“Enjoying that?” I asked the cub, I wasn’t expecting a response, then again I tried talking to a lion last time I was in this world and that seemed to work pretty well… I reached into the tin and grabbed another treat, it ate it and then it decided to lick my face. “Ugh… Thank you for that…” I chuckled, I wiped the saliva and crumbs from my cheeks, it was at this point in time I looked to my left and was witness to something I never thought I’d see. The Paren- I mean Yogi Bear, was just staring at me with its big confused eyes, in fact so was the other cub that was peeking from behind it. Oh and as for Dagger? She was staring at me in disbelief, she was pretty speechless. After a minute of silence I figured it might be a good idea to try and talk to it, I mean it was worth a shot right?
“Um, can you… Understand me?” I asked big old Yogi bear, it’s head leaned back in shock. This was then followed by a nod, I sighed in relief. “Ok… Look, we’re not here to cause any trouble, me and my friend over there were just looking for shelter until the rain stopped” I pointed towards Dagger as I said this, it then peered behind it and looked at Dagger. It must have looked her dead in the eyes because she freaked out and ran to me, immediately using me as a human shield.
“P-P-Please don’t hurt us…” She stuttered, something I’d never thought I’d see a Griffon do, especially her. That thought made me give myself a mental slap to the face of my brain, yeah, I just said that. It was thinking like that which causes stereotypes in the first place, heck it is stereotyping.
“Relax, I think it understands that were not a danger” I reassured Dagger, just then I had a thought. It was a longshot but it was worth a try, “Um… Listen, were kind of lost… I don’t suppose you can point us in the right direction?”
Yogi looked at me and nodded, how and why it understood me still boggles my mind to this day.
“Um… Great, is there a town or something nearby?” I asked Yogi, he nodded and walked closer to me. All of a sudden he raised his claw in the air, at this point I wasn’t sure what he was doing, I thought he was about to attack me. Instead what he did was lower his claw slowly and then he used one of his fingers to drag it into the ground. I was puzzled at first but I eventually figured out that they weren’t just random lines, he was drawing something...
To be precise, he was drawing a camp of some kind. Then he drew creatures that closely resembled ponies, except they had lines across their bodies. I quickly put two and two together and what did I come up with? Simple, I came up with 4… Duh…
“Wait, is there a zebra camp nearby?” I questioned Yogi, he nodded and then wiped the drawing away before walking just outside of the cave. He then started drawing again, this time however it was a very simple one. It was an arrow… It pointed deeper into the forest, oh and yes I was desperate enough to get directions from a bear. He didn’t utter the sound ‘Um’ so I was sure that he knew where he was directing us. I tipped my hat to Yogi and grabbed my things, I left some treats for the cubs and headed for the exit. Dagger followed closely behind me. “Thank you for your hospitality and help” I thanked Yogi, with that he stood up on his hind legs, gave me a hug, and then finally he licked my face.
And with that we departed, still unsure as to our pursuers location we trekked deeper into the forest.
I know what you’re thinking, how the heck does someone like me deal with this kind of thing happening? You know, mentally? Heck I don’t even know, I must have a good threshold over crazy.
As we started walking I decided it was probably best to make sure that we were heading in the right direction, I rummaged in my backpack and grabbed a compass. The red arrow was pointing right, so as long as I kept it doing that we’d be fine… Well I hoped so anyway…
Dagger kept as quiet as she could, eventually however “So… Does your world have creatures like that as well?” She asked me, slowly she was becoming curious as to what I was. Beforehand she had very little interest, I mean all she wanted was some freedom, she didn’t really care too much about what I was.
“Yeah, although that stunt I pulled off back there wouldn’t have worked back in my world” I informed her, scratching the back of my head as I did it. “Heck it would probably have gotten me killed…”
“So why in the Empire did you do it?!” She shouted back, forgetting that we weren’t currently where she just stated.
Now what I wanted to say was that this was a world created for a child’s mind for a TV show, this explanation, of course, would make no sense for either of us. I mean besides having to explain what a TV was and how our world is technologically advanced, I would also have to explain that a human before me came to this world, witnessed the wonder and beauty of the land and then created several cartoons and animations which was almost a spitting image of the real deal.
Yeah… Like I was going to say that out loud…
I just shrugged my shoulders, I mean what was I supposed to say to that? “Oh and we’re not in the Empire little missy, we’re in the-“I stopped midsentence and looked around, but why you ask? Well I didn’t really have a clue where I was going, I was just following the direction that the bear showed us. “Um… Does this forest have a name?”
“A name?” She replied, slightly confused by that question. “Well yeah… Why?”
“Well I was hoping you’re Empire might have had a map or something, I mean if you had that then this forest would be on it right?” All I wanted was some reassurance that where we were going was the right way, when it comes to knowing where I am I’m a paranoid fool.
“Yeah, though I have no idea why it’s named as such” She told me, then proceeded to confirm what the bear had told you about the camp. “They called it ‘The Alchemist Forest”
Now that, ladies and gents, is by far one of the coolest names I had ever heard for a place to be called, as I looked around it made even more sense. You know what a mortar and pestle is right? And how alchemy works yeah? Well get this, as I looked around me I noticed everything that I never even considered looking at. The flora, the bugs, heck this was a treasure trove for any go getting alchemist, beginner or otherwise.
Oh and Zebras are known for being such alchemists, well as far as us humans understand right? ... Wait, I’m not referring to our worlds zebras either, I was referring to their worlds zebras. … Obviously that’s what I meant…
“Huh, sounds like a cool place to be” I replied, thinking back to the full metal alchemist and smiling as I did it. “Well we’d better keep moving if we’re going to get anywhere right?”
We started carried on walking, but something was bugging me, I had completely forgotten at the time but it was really bugging me. I looked at Dagger and I realised what was troubling me, her wing was damaged. The thing that irritated me slightly was that I didn’t know a thing about medicine or first aid, heck she wrapped something around the wound. This of course made me think perhaps that’s why the bear woke up? Let me throw this scenario down for you guys, let’s say that she woke up, realised that she wasn’t next to the river and then realised that her wing hurt like mad. The only way for her to have been moved was if someone carried her, so at this point she then takes a step outside of the cave and slashes some vines off of the trees for a makeshift bandage.
At this point you may be thinking, ‘That’s oddly specific’. It was, in fact it was a vine that was cut in half so it wasn’t round, the only reason I say this is because I also woke up with the same kind of bandage on my left arm. It seemed as if she knew more about survival than me, I have to admit I was slightly jealous… I joke of course…
I was Extremely jealous…
Then again this goes back to the main fact at hand, she’s been planning an escape for a long time, so surely she must have done some form of research on how to survive out in the wilderness.
Anyway, we continued our trek deeper into the forest. It was slowly apparent that we weren’t alone anymore. At first we thought it was the Griffons royal guard, oh boy were we wrong…
I was leading with my happy go lucky stride, every now and again I would turn my head and look behind me, Dagger would be standing looking up through the tree branches. Something was up…
“Dagger!” I shouted behind me, not stopping as I did it. “C’mon, we need to keep moving…”
We continued a little further, then yet again she had stopped dead in her tracks.
I stopped and turned to face her, she was several meters behind me. “Dagger? Is something wrong?” I asked, unsure as to what was troubling her.
What was her reaction? “Shush!” She insisted, I didn’t know how to take this.
“… What? I’m just asking if something is troubling you-“ I began to explain, but of course yet again…
“I said Hush!” Dagger shouted back at me, I wanted to shout at her. But slowly I realised that she was concentrating on something, her eyes were closed and her breathing had slowed down substantially.
Slowly I made my way up to her and waited, I just wanted some kind of response, the tension was killing me.
Eventually however, “We need to move, Now!” She informed me, clearly this was vital.
“Ok, let’s book it!” I replied, I didn’t want to know what it was that made her act in such a way, if I did I wouldn’t be able to act logically and quickly if need be.
We started our mad dash and kept on going as fast as out feet could carry us, well she actually has claws but you know what I mean. It quickly became apparent what was chasing us, we could hear the howls and rattling of paws closing in behind us.
It was wolves… No joke…
And I’m not talking ‘Timber’ wolves either folks, I mean real wolves. Deadly in packs and hunt as such, this wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. Heck this was a chase through a forest… Wait, you knew that? … Meh, whatever…
The further we ran the more we realised that we were heavily outnumbered, we could hear them behind us, beside us, in the distance and up ahead. As far as we could tell we were stuffed, especially if the wolves caught up to us. Unfortunately for us we came to a clearing, but why’s that a bad thing? Well, as we entered we were ambushed, they first appeared in front of us, this caused us to stop dead in our tracks. We then turned around in a 180 degree to back up but, yet again, they stopped our retreat. It didn’t take long before we were surrounded, luckily for us however, well kind of anyway, they gave us quite a bit of distance between them and us… But yeah, we were stuck dead in the middle… Not literally mind you… Yet… I’ll stop I swear…
I stood close to Dagger, I was hoping she had yet another scheme prepared. “So… I don’t suppose you’ve got a plan do you?” I whispered, trying my best to keep as quiet and calm as possible.
“Does it look like I have a plan!?” She whispered back angrily, clearly she wasn’t dealing with this situation very well… That made two of us…
The wolves seemed to fight amongst themselves, they were organised sitting next to each other in a rough circle shape. With their big sharp teeth and ravenous attitudes, these guys were a force to be reckoned with.
This kind of situation could be described as dire, as they had just begun to act even more boisterous, a lone wolf emerged from the pack. With a large scar across its face and its right canine tooth chipped, it walked through the unbreakable line into the centre. Commanding the pack with such leadership it didn’t need to make a sound, as it approached us the entire pack was silent. Oh and it wasn’t a small pack, I had a look around and had a quick count. It was around twenty five, this wasn’t a pack… It was a battalion…
“What are you doing in our turf?” The leader asked us, its voice was rough and coarse. At this point my mind rewound back to when I met Curt for the first time.
My mind set is so childish folks, that this whole scenario seemed like something fresh from a Disney movie. The leader of the pack for starters had a scar across his face, keeping in mind what I’ve just explained to you how do you think I responded?
I started laughing, Dagger gave me one heck of a fierce look the second I did it. “So… What do they call you?” I asked jokingly, “…Scar?”
At times like this it feels like I’m being stalked, because every time something like this happens that awkward silence pops up again and just decides to occupy the air.
It gave me a look of confusion at first, “That’s what I’m known as… How’d you know that?”
I then proceeded to fall onto the floor and continued to laugh my posterior off, this was just ridiculous.
“Oh, someone give me a medal!” I declared, holding my chest in slight pain. “Oh boy, why is this world so predictable?” I eventually calmed down and got back up onto my feet.
“Are you trying to mock me- Um…” He began to say, I think he wanted to follow that up with something like ‘Are you mocking me human?’ or something like that. Of course he didn’t know what I was so he physically couldn’t, this didn’t stop him from asking though. “…Not that I care, but what are you?”
Taking this opportunity I decided to attempt a trick of my own… I was going to lie myself out of this conundrum… With style.
I started with a laugh, and then… “You should be bowing before me, I am what’s known as a human… A master wolf hunter…” All around me I could see the wolves were unconvinced, this wasn’t a good start. “I’ve fought many wolves in my life time, this pack is no different…”
“Oh really? And how is it ‘No’ different?” Scar asked me, with very little care in his words.
I turned around and calmly walked up to the wolves in the circle, showing no fear in my face I knelt down to get eye level with one of the wolfs, I then flicked its nose and it immediately backed away. “This line is too thin… If a target ran towards here they would get straight through… Sure they might get scared and stop in their tracks, but what if they charged? The line would be overwhelmed and the target would break through…”
In reality I was just talking crap, but I needed to make it sound logical to myself for it to work, I mean if I didn’t believe myself then there would be no chance that the wolves would believe me right? Scar was observing my explanation. However, to him it was rather interesting… Compelling even…
“So… How would you make this line stronger then?” Scar replied, yes that’s what he was called. I was going to ask him to leave Simba’s dad alone but this wasn’t Disney… Oh and he wasn’t a lion… Gotta get the details right…
“For starters, when the target moves closer to one area of this circle, have surrounding wolves get behind those closest to it. Then whilst they do that the other wolves can spread out and fill the gaps, then if it moves somewhere else just repeat the process…” If you didn’t get a word of that I’ll probably sketch an explanation somewhere at some point, but the premise was pretty straight forward. “If it can just run through then circling the target is pointless…”
“Uh huh…” Scar replied blandly, he wasn’t buying this at all… “You do realise I’m just humouring you right? Quit stalling for time… its blatantly obvious what you’re trying to do…”
“Can you blame me for trying?” I asked him, shrugging my shoulders as I did it. “It doesn’t matter anyway, I came into this world prepared…”
“Oh really? What are you going to do? Bore us to death?!” Scar suggested to me, clearly he was taunting me… Wrong move…
You see as I was talking I was messing around with my backpack, I was trying to find something as carefully as possible. You see if I had just dived into it then they would have jumped me, so I decided a subtle approach was required. Talking nonsense is what I do best after all… You see Dogs actually have a certain reaction, what I mean by that is this. Let’s say that your dog was staring at you, if you were to quickly point in one direction with your hand the dog wouldn’t look where you was pointing at, it would in fact be looking at the point of your finger. There’s probably a specific word for this but I’m just too lazy to look it up, so the plan was pretty simple, distract them whilst I rummaged around in my bag for something I knew would be perfect for this situation.
“Oh no! You’ve seen through my ruse- blah blah blah…” I mumbled not really caring if I was heard, I might appear to be downright stupid at times but I’ll say this. If I know something is bound to happen I’ll prepare for the consequences, I knew Dissy would drop me in this world eventually, this time however I was going prepared.
You see after that whole charade the first time round I did some research on surviving the wild, when it comes to wild animals the one thing I looked for was a high pitched whistle. A dog whistle to be precise, considering the close DNA between dogs and wolves I figured, ‘Heck it’s worth a shot…’
“You’re not in the position to mock me human” Scar informed me, he didn’t like being downplayed in front of his crew… His posse, his home boys… You get the picture…
“Sit boy” I replied blandly, I took out the whistle I had concealed in my pocket, which I found hiding in the depths of my backpack, and gave it a sharp blow.
The wolves around us started cringing, some even lost their balance. Dagger was un-phased by the whistle but puzzled by what was going on.
There was a downside however, if I didn’t blow into the whistle then the wolves would resume to chase after us. So I took a quick breather and quickly I shouted, “Dagger! Let’s move!” After that I continued to blow into the whistle to keep the blighters off of us while we legged it, we quickly made our way through the thin line of wolves and, once again, progressed deep into the forest with post haste.
“Agh! After them!” Scar barked at his cohorts, it took them a while to react. “I Said MOVE!”
This plan, as good as it was had one major downfall. To blow into the whistle would mean that I would need to draw breath to do so in the first place, this would be a problem considering I was running from a pack of wolves at the same time.
Ever tried jogging and talking at the same time? Yeah, it’s like that. Oh except with this you’re trying to take a deep breath and then exhale as your jogging. I was getting light headed, this wasn’t good if I wanted to keep my limbs intact. Actually I never really did ask the wolves why they were chasing us, they could have been doing it for fun right? … Actually sod that, I was pretty sure they were hungry…
I was beginning to slow down, Dagger could see this very clearly. “Hey! Don’t stop now! We need to keep up the pace!” Dagger barked at me, I was panting so damned much my vision was getting rather blurry.
I was joking about it as per usual to try and keep my spirits high, “Legs- Slowing. Lungs- Burning. Hat- Still on ma head…” Doing this however was the dumbest thing I could have done…
I tripped and fell flat on my face, I turned around and the wolves were approaching, not as fast as they had done before but it was still pretty quick. Dagger came back and helped me, she grabbed my arm and put it over her shoulder to carry me.
“By the Emperor I knew I wanted to be free, but I never expected any of this to happen…” Dagger whispered to herself, she was genuinely scared. Clearly my concept of Griffon's was flawed, I mean I thought they were all cold and strong willed.
“That’s the cost of freedom, you never know what’s going to happen next” I told Dagger, without hesitation she flicked my head quite hard with her claw. “OW! What was that for!?”
“Stop talking, you’re already out of breath, don’t make it any worse…”Dagger ordered me, I nodded and tried to focus on running.
This gave the wolves a chance to catch up, it didn’t take them long. I looked behind me every now and again and I could see them gaining. With what little sense I had left in my mind I decided to bluff to buy us some time, what I did was simple, I made it look like I was about to blow into the whistle when actually I wasn’t doing it at all. It made them cringe just from the thought that I’d actually blow it, this slowed them down substantially. Plus if they did get too close then I would just give a sharp blow and hey presto, a nice bit of distance between them and us.
I’m not as daft as I make out… Well I am but I can be quite the logical thinker when I need to be.
This didn’t work for very long however, Scar, the leader of the pack, caught on to my strategy and quickly found a way around it. I saw him vanish from the pack, he was looking for something. I saw him later returning to the chase, it looked like he stuck something in his ears, I tried the whistle as he approached but it wasn’t working.
He tackled us to the ground, I was exhausted as it was and I just didn’t have the energy to get up. Dagger let go of my arm and rolled onto the ground, she let out a shout of pain as she landed on her back.
“Grrrrr I’ve Had Enough Of Your Games!” Scar snarled at us, he was not a happy bunny. He was, in fact, a very angry wolf.
It looked hopeless, they surrounded us again but this time they were as mad as banshee’s. They converged closer and closer to us… Until something happened, by something I mean this…
A purple mist filled the area, it literally came out of nowhere. As it rolled past my face I could smell something but I couldn’t put my fingers on what it was… Literally, I mean it was mist after all… in the distance I could see something getting closer, it was a gigantic!
Scar was looking back and forth between us and the shadowy creature, eventually he snarled and backed away. “Grrrr… Leave them be… The Ursa will take care of them…”
‘Oh how wonderful’ I remember thinking to myself, out of the pan and into the fire was the phrase I believe.
As the pitter-patter of paws slowly escaped my hearing range, I was not so eagerly awaiting my own fate. A fate of which seemed to be taking the mickey as nothing was happening, at all…
Dazed and tired I slowly got up from the ground and looked up, the shadow wasn’t even that big. In fact after the wolves left it seemed to fall to pieces… Literally…
You see what actually happened was a whole bunch of creatures made themselves into a human- I mean creature pyramid, mimicking the shape of an Ursa. What was my reaction?
“Ok, now that was some darned fine work!” I chuckled to myself, and then one of the creatures approached me. From the shadows approached a much smaller creature, it didn’t stop until I was pretty much face to face with it… Or it would have been if I wasn’t taller than it… “Uh… Hey there…”
It was a zebra, with multi coloured dreadlocks no less. Black and white stripes, as you would expect from a zebra but others may surprise you. It’s not just the same colours, I mean sure black and white is what we expect but you can get some strange mixtures of colours… I even saw a zebra with a green coat and blue mane… We didn’t cross paths, I just kind of saw him walking away from the camp. Perhaps he was leaving on a trip of self-discovery?
“What a strange and curious creature you are” The zebra started to say, “How long have you travelled? Was it very far?” It rhymed… Of course…
I chuckled to myself before answering, “All in good time my stripy new friend, we need a place to stay, do you have a bed to lend?”
… Well I thought it was good…
The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
The Helpful and Friendly Idle Tribe
The Standard and Normal Human Two 3
The zebra with dreads, whom I have now nicknamed ‘Hot rod’ for several reasons, led us to the tribe’s camp, village, thing. Personally I’d call it a camp but the place wasn’t exactly filled with tents and torches, they used nature to make their homes how they wanted. Branches on top of their houses were wrapped up by the thick vines that filled the forest, the houses themselves were giant hollowed out trees. When you looked up into the sky you could see rope bridges, tree houses, heck this place reminded me of Alnwick Gardens.
The other zebras were keeping their distance, Hot Rod clearly wasn’t as concerned with us…
“So…” I began, unsure as how I should proceed, “How long have you lived in this forest Mr… Uh…”
Now before you ask, no, Hot Rod wasn’t his name. The only reason I said that was because it reminded me of American dad, you know, the dude tells him his long confusing name and then Stan says ‘I’ll call you hot-rod!’
This dude zebra, whose name isn’t Hot Rod by the way, stopped are turned to face me. “I can see how confused you are so help you I must” He began to rhyme, “If you wanted my name, then please call me Grosz”
When I heard him say that, my mind was thinking two very important things…
How the heck do these creatures rhyme so darned well, as much as I have to admire them for such quick thinking I have to admit I can’t stand it. It just seems so impractical, I mean these creatures are going to go through life without being able to utter a word about a certain orange coloured fruit. Note, nothing rhymes with orange… No, made up words don’t count…
How in the name of Celestia do you pronounce his name? I mean I know it rhymes with ‘Must’ but heck that’s one heck of an obscure name…
I looked down at the chain around my waist, I was hoping that I could get that removed at some point. But considering that these guys are medicinal creatures I was pretty sure that brute force wasn’t one of their main traits.
We were greeted, I think, by the zebras residing in the tribe. They crowded around us as we were led towards the middle of the camp. Yeah… I’m going to call it a camp I think.
An elder zebra stepped forward, just by looking at his eyes I could see how wise he was. Then he began to say…
Welcome home Grosz the Pathfinder!
And welcome to you too strangers!
You won’t find a camp kinder
More free from danger
So sit, relax and join us for a meal
Then tell us your story, that’s part of the deal
In English he meant this, in exchange for food we’d give them information about ourselves. This encounter was rather informative however as it actually educated me slightly. This elder zebra was using an advanced method of rhyming, the rest were only using the simple and generic two sentence rhymes. You know, like when I first met Grosz. Oh and as for pronunciation of that name it’s, Gr-Ao-St.
So yeah, it turns out that rhyming gets better with age. Just like wine… Well apparently, to be honest I can’t stand the stuff…
I turned around and I could see Daggers eyes light up with wonder, like seeing a child on Christmas morning… It’s a magical moment.
Well until they find out he’s not real, then they go all Darth Vader and start screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo- Like at the end of Episode 3…
“This place… It’s beautiful…” She mumbled to herself, turning around slowing in a circle so she could take it all in.
I chuckled and smiled back at the ‘Village’ elder, yes I know I called it a camp but saying camp elder doesn’t sound as good. “We’d be more than happy to share a tale or two, if it’s no trouble for you and your… Um… Followers?”
I wanted to say ‘People’ or ‘Kind’, but I didn’t want to confuse or insult them… Heck I was lucky that they weren’t hostile…
He nodded and then he whistled, several other zebras arrived and stood beside him, with a simple nod the unnerved zebras led us to the camp fire, I think they were a bit unsure as to what we were and what we were capable of. Well maybe not so much Dagger, I mean the Griffons live pretty close to them so if I had to guess they must have had a run in with them in the past. We all took our seats on the floor surrounding the campfire, to my left was Dagger and to my right was Grosz. The fire crackled and burned through the logs that were thrown into it, then something else was added… The Zebra doing this was the elder himself, he threw what appeared to be a small pouch containing a bright florescent powder into the blaze. The fire rose up and started changing colours, first red, then blue, then green, yellow, purple. It would do this and then repeat this cycle, it was pretty cool to witness. But if you had epilepsy issues then this might not be the best thing to see, don’t want you to be on the floor having a fit now do we?
Other zebras appeared and passed us some bowls and a cup, by passed I mean they used their mouths to place them on the floor. C’mon, they don’t have fingers and thumbs after all, something that most creatures in their world, especially Lyra by the way, would appreciate greatly… Apparently… It looked like a ground up but colourful paste…
Unfortunately this reminded me of Ace Ventura, and that’s when I started wondering what it actually was…
In my mind I was repeating the following… ‘It’s not guano, it’s not guano… It- It Can’t be guano… Can it?’ This was bugging me so much that I had to ask someone… Some pony… Wait, some zebra? Actually sod it…
I turned to my right to look at Grosz, I was hoping he would know what it was that I was about to eat. “So… What’s this stuff?” I asked him, praying that it wasn’t Guano…
“It’s a mixture of berries from our home in the forest, it makes a hearty meal, especially for a tourist” Grosz replied, I was still trying to get my head around all of this rhyming nonsense but it didn’t really matter too much.
I looked back down at the bowl and dipped my finger into the paste, upon tasting this mixture of sugary goodness I wished to myself that I had some toast to spread it onto… It was a shame, but I didn’t waste any time… I was starving. At times like this simple eating manners are out of the window, I kind of wish I had waited though. I had finished my meal before anyone else, had even begun theirs… Grosz wasn’t amused…
Oh and yes I’m saying ‘anyone’ and you can’t stop me.
“What are you doing?!” Grosz began to exclaim, “Some haven’t gotten their meals yet, they’re still accruing!”
Now first off, to accrue is to come into possession of something, in this case a bowl of fruit paste. Second, after he told me this I looked up and around the fire. They were looking at me, it was pretty embarrassing.
“OH! Um, I’m really-Really sorry-“I panicked as I began explain myself, but I could hear the elder laughing to himself in the distance. He was sitting on a log next to the center of the fire, he got up and walked around still chuckling to himself.
“Please don’t worry yourself, I didn’t inform you of our pre-meal activities before you received you food” He began to rhyme, or so I thought… “Besides, you are hungry no? So please, dig in and eat your fill…”
… Did you notice it? At all?
He didn’t rhyme… Not one bit.
As I tried to digest what I had just heard one of the zebras was kind enough to give me a refill of fruit paste, now if they could get this inside of a doughnut I would be the happiest man in the world.
I looked to my left and Dagger was digging into her bowl just like me, she raised her claw when she was finished. “Um, may I please have some more?” She asked politely and pleasantly, the zebra’s serving everyone listened and gave her some without hesitation. I wanted to shout at her, ‘More?! You Want Some More!?’ But that reference would have been lost to pretty much everyone… at times like that you realise that being the only human in this kind of world truly sucked… No pop culture references, no human shenanigans... I could have a right laugh with someone in that kind of situation…
The ‘Pre-meal activities’ that the elder had told us about had just begun, one of the younger zebras walked into the middle of the circle, well kind of. Right, let me be clear, all of the zebras, and us, were sitting in a circle around a fire. Now the fire itself was also a circle shape, there was also a gap in the middle for something or someone to stand and address those around them.
Anyway, this young zebra walked into the center carrying a piece of paper. Placing it on the ground they then placed one hoof on top to keep it still, I didn’t have a clue what it was until she started talking… Oh and have a guess who the story was about…
“And now I shall tell you a tale from today, a strange lanky creature was walking astray. But from the shadows the wolves had surrounded their prey, now this strange creature wished he was very far away. Using his wits, his head and the bag on his back, he managed to trick the wolves to seize their attack. With a strange little stick which made not a single sound, he caused the wolves to flinch and turn back around. But Scar of the wolves wasn’t as dumb as the rest, he blocked up his ears so he could catch up to him his best. Just as he had caught back up to his strange lanky prey, now he was wishing that ‘He’ was far far away. From the shadows emerged a large and terrifying beast, but it was all just a ploy, please… Enjoy your feast!”
I looked at dagger after the tale had been told, I think I was surprised that it was about me and not Dagger but that wasn’t the main question I had. If someone had seen everything up to that point, why didn’t they help us? This, of course, can be answered as such. The wolf pack was huge, it would have been too risky to try and assist us, but to make a poem out of it instead? Really?! As everyone had begun to eat their food I was completely speechless at what was going through my head… I was not happy…
“That child read that exceptionally well…” Dagger casually told me, I was still in ‘Did That Just Happen?!’ mode so I wasn’t really thinking straight.
“… Did you just say that? Seriously?!” I whispered in a slightly agitated way, I wasn’t very happy regardless of my own common sense. “We were chased through a forest by wolves and this is how-“
“Shut up and listen” She replied sharply, I didn’t say anything. “Look, they are being kind enough to give us food and a meal, just forget about what has just happened Eat your fruit paste”
I didn’t reply with words, I did what children do, back chat. It wasn’t so much chat as it was a noise. To describe in words would be difficult… But I’ll try… ‘Muh Muh Muh Muh MUH Muh Muh…’
“What was that?” Dagger swiftly responded, I don’t think she liked backchat.
“Nothing Mum…” I remarked, I’m not a hateful creature but by god was I irritated, Dissy (Discord) was going down for doing this to me… Big Time… It wasn’t long before I calmed down, in fact it was the simple voice of the same zebra child that had just read out the story which made me forget why I was so annoyed in the first place.
“I- I hope that you both enjoyed the story, the writer has left this tribe to find his own G-Glory” The young zebra informed me, that the sentence was a longshot at rhyming that it was quite adorable.
“Oh… Well… It was well read out, especially with everyone watching you” I replied, I thought back to my own past in comparison. You see when I was in primary school, or elementary school for you American’s, I had to read something out loud in front of the whole school, I knew the words I was supposed to read out in my head… But as soon as I was supposed to say the words out loud my mind went blank and I panicked.
Before you say to me, Nick, how on earth is this related to what we are reading right now? My answer? Meh… I dunno… I joke of course. I was just surprised how well she read what she did at such a young age, no hesitation in her voice and no panicking like I did back in my childhood days. I wasn’t just impressed, I was jealous.
I patted her on the head, she didn’t flinch which was a good thing. “You did good kid, heck I wouldn’t have been able to do that at your age…”
“Oh, thank you strange creature” She said out loud, loud enough so that the elder could join our conversation after him eavesdropping on us since we had arrived.
“A strange creature he may be, but what should this Idle Tribe call thee?” The elder spoke aloud, everyone else around us suddenly became silent.
“Well the names Nicholas, but you can just call me Nick” I replied happily, “So… Who wrote that story?”
“Ah yes, a young and talented zebra who has been writing for this tribe since he was a young foal” The Elder explained, “It’s become accustom to read out one of his stories before we eat, the zebras name is Inert Scribe, he recently left the tribe on a journey of self-discovery…”
“Well perhaps I’ll see him around at some point” I added, I mean it wasn’t like it was impossible for it to happen. “Me and my griffon friend here are trying to get to Equestria…”
“Equestria?” The elder questioned, “That’s quite the trip for a Griffon to make, why are you making such a long trip?”
“Well…” Dagger began, scratching the back of her head with her claw, “It’s kind of a long story…”
She went on to tell the Elder and his tribe what was going on, how I said that Discord brought me there against my will and that I needed to get to Equestria to prove who I was.
At which point I butted in and explained that I’ve been to Equestria before, I told them how I travelled with a certain show pony and how the ponies ran away screaming when the saw me.
Then Dagger butted in, how rude. She then went on to explain that she was to be the eventual Queen of the Griffon Empire, I was quite surprised that she even told them that but it’s not they were enemies or anything like that. Dagger explained her cravings for exploration and discovery, how was had been kept in that castle for most of her life… It sounded pretty depressing, no wonder she took such a big risk. She explained the escape plan and the deal we both had with each other, I knew Equestria but she didn’t. I needed to get there but was unable due to chains and the like. She explained the escape plan, the fall that injured both of us, the guards pursuing us and of course Yogi Bear and his/her cubs in the cave…
“And… Well you know the rest, we was chased by a pack of wolves… That’s when you saved us” Dagger explained, she then bowed and lowered her head. “Thank you all for everything you have done so far…”
Well she definitely wasn’t a ‘Gilda’ that was for sure, consider my mind blown at this point folks. She can be bossy, irritating and downright desperate, but when it comes down to it her heart is in the right place.
The zebras all listened to her speak, this was part of the deal of course… Information for food. The elder gave a quick nod to two of his people and they ran off into one of the hollowed out Tree-Houses.
“Then you are both still injured, please come this way and we can begin to heal you immediately” The Elder told us, next thing we know we’re both being dragged and led towards one of their houses. As we entered we soon realised that this wasn’t a house, this was an infirmary…
Picture this, quite a large circular room with shelves going all the way around on the walls, on these shelves were a vast variety of flora and plants contained in jars. It appeared that they wasn’t just a randomly assorted either, they were all categorised by purpose and use.
“Prepare the rejuvenating bath for the princess and a healing wrap for the young human” The Elder asked the doctor stylized zebra, well it wasn’t really a doctor but heck they was as experienced as one so what’s the difference? Simple, they didn’t have a degree, just like Dr. Zed from Borderlands he didn’t have a licence… Pff, liked it mattered anyway right?
As we was separated and led away from each other into our own rooms, for whatever reason, the Pokémon center music was playing in my head. I do miss that song, but my sadness didn’t last for long. In this smaller room, which I learned was actually underground, was actually rather cosy. It had a bed, a vast variety of jars around the room like the entrance, but this time it wasn’t the raw materials to make the medicine, it was all pre-prepared. On the jars it explained what use they were for, like cuts, scrapes, or to disinfect a wound.
“Please take a seat and let me take a look at that wound” The zebra began, I lifted my arm and it took a quick look nodding as it did it. “Ah I see, let me fix this so that your journey can be resumed”
“Thanks, don’t suppose you’ve got something to get this chain off me have you?” I asked with little hope, I mean it couldn’t hurt to ask right? I thought they might have had some acid or something volatile to melt through it, heck they have a mass variety of things that could have done that… Or at least that what I thought.
The Doc took a quick look at it, then began to rhyme again. “Hmm, to break the chain of metal around you, there is really only one thing that you can do…”
“Really? Well I’m open to suggestions, I’m all ears” I replied happily, this was at least something to look forward to. It weighed a ton and was completely impractical to wear, I looked as if I had escaped form a zoo…
“Deep to the north the wastelands await, perhaps the creatures there will set you straight” Doctor Do a lot informed me, I laughed to myself because I knew who I’d find there.
“Ok then, at least I can pay a visit to a friend of mine…” I chuckled, I kind of missed Curt. He wasn’t what I expected to find in their world at all and yet I grew to like him, plus I had a few shenanigans planned for him.
Whilst we was talking the Doctor was preparing a paste of some kind and a bandage made out of finely cut and partially dried vines, eventually she held out her hoof to grab my arm, no fingers so good luck with that, so I held out my arm and waited for whatever it was the Doc was giving me.
“Ok, hold still. Be brave, use your will” The Doc advised me, using a leaf she carefully placed the greenish paste over the wound, after that she placed the bandage.
But her comment left me slightly confused, “Um… Why would I need to be brave? Or show my will?” I asked with caution, unfortunately my eyesight was getting rather blurry.
“Now, sleep, rest for the night. By the break of Dawn, you shall feel alright…” The Voodoo Doctor explained as she suddenly started becoming different colours and began to spin around in circles…
… Ok maybe that didn’t happen but heck I was tripping out big style, I understand how alchemy works and all but what the heck did Doctor Nick give me?! It didn’t matter much, I was still tired from running through the forest so I fell asleep on the bed I was sitting on… It was the best sleep that I had ever had…No joke, 10 xs better than any king/queen sized bed. That right there was pure sleepy bliss…
I eventually woke up and gave out a loud yawn, I fell like a million pounds. Nope, not Dollars, I’m English :P
However for the sake of equality I’ll use the currency Bits, why? … Well, why not?
“Ah good morning human” The Elder said casually, I leaned up from the bed and just stared at him. Surely the only way to talk to me as soon as I woke up would be to be in the room as I slept, which meant he was watching me while I slept… Creepy…
“Um, good morning to you too” I replied half-heartedly, I wasn’t sure what to think. “So… Have you been watching me sleep? If so then that’d be rather weird…”
He laughed and patted me on the back with his hoof, Note:- You ‘Can’t’ pat someone softly with hooves. “Well it’s good to see your humour hasn’t been effected, how’s the arm?”
“Huh? My arm?” I replied, looking down at where the wound was I was shocked to see it had gone, it had literally vanished. The bandage was gone and the wound had healed up completely, no pain, no aches, nothing. “Wow, that stuff did the trick… Wait, how long have I been asleep?”
“Hmm, let me think…” He began to ponder out loud, scratching his chin as he did it. “Well its morning now, Dawn in fact”
“I see… Oh and I’ve got a question for you” I started, I wiped my face to wake myself up good and proper. I wanted a straight answer, “The zebras of this tribe all talk in rhymes, you do but there have been times, like now, where you haven rhymed at all…”
“And the question is why correct?” He started, I nodded and then he continued. “Not every zebra is the same… The one I raised was one very different from everyone else here, he couldn’t rhyme unless he took the time to write it down first. Like that story yesterday, while raising him I realised that perhaps speaking as we do can be rather difficult for those not from the tribe originally. So I started talking like this because of that, I have to admit that it’s a lot easier than rhyming all the time”
“No kidding, I’m pretty impressed with how well and fast you guys can respond” I told him, I jumped out of the bed and stretched my legs and arms. Then I remembered that I wasn’t the only one getting treated at this place, “Oh, how’s Dagger? Is she alright?”
“See for yourself” The Elder said, slowly pointing his hoof towards the door.
I made my way out of the building to find Dagger flying around the camp, inspecting everything she saw that interested her.
“Well it’s good to see you’re feeling better!” I shouted up to her, she heard me and made her way down to me. This in turn made me fall back onto my posterior as she proceeded to land right in front of me, quite literally In fact.
“Oops, sorry” Dagger chuckled happily, she looked as fit as a fiddle. “I can’t believe how fast they fixed my wing, I feel as good as new!”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t use it too much though if I were you, I mean we are being tracked down, you’ll get spotted otherwise” I added, the last thing I wanted was to be chased so early I the morning…
Unfortunate this was never meant to be…
“Elder Elder!” A young zebra filly shouted as they ran towards their leader, “There are Griffon Guards heading this way! The strangers need to escape, they must get away!”
“Quickly, with haste, follow me” The Elder barked at us, then he turned to one of his people. “Grosz, please prepare a bag containing everything they will need to get through the wasteland desert- And do so swiftly!”
Grosz nodded and dashed past us without hesitation as the Elder led us out of the village. We didn’t question or ask any questions, we just acted. Eventually we came to a river heading downhill, in the distance was the desert we were heading for. On the river bed was a raft, it wasn’t the sturdiest piece of kit but if it floated then that was all that mattered. Grosz had returned almost immediately and gave the bag to me, he seemed extremely focused on his own duties.
“Ok, listen very carefully. This will take you as far as the wastes but please be careful, the longer you stay on the river the wilder and more dangerous it will become. ..” His voice was a lot more different than before, it was cautions and concerned. What was once the cool headed and kind leader was now a worried creature trying his best to help strangers, I didn’t know what to say… “Oh and before you ask we’ll be fine, they know we’re not a danger and that we’d never do anything to aggravate them”
The next motion was a swift and unexpected one, the very second we got onto the raft he unlatched the rope keeping it there and kicked it into the current. This caused both me and Dagger to fall to our feet and hold on as best we could…
We didn’t get a chance to say anything, it all happened so fast. The only noise we made was a scream of terror as we plummeted downstream, picking up speed rapidly.
We both knew one thing for definite, this was going to be one heck of a ride…
The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
A Devious and Difficult Desert Trek
The Standard and Normal Human Two4
Let me just say this, plummeting down a sloped river on a flimsy wooden raft is not what I’d call a fun day out. It is in fact the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me… Ever! We didn’t have any control of the raft so me and Dagger were cascading down with nothing to stop us, it wasn’t a sheer drop but it did feel like a log flume ride at a theme park. With no control over how fast we went or the direction that we were going it wasn’t looking good. I did wonder why Dagger didn’t just use her wings and fly away but I figured that one out pretty fast, if she left there would be no way she could take me with her. This sounds like an act of kindness but don’t forget that she had never been to Equestria in person before, so sticking with me would help her in the long run.
“Any Ideas Nick?!” Dagger shouted to me, I didn’t know what to say… I was too busy screaming… “Hey! Can you shut up for a second?!”
“I Hate Rides!” I shouted back, I can’t stand theme parks.
Whenever I was dragged to one I’d head straight for the arcade, unfortunately however they would usually have really bad games, I remember back when I was a kid I had to pay for a ticket to get into a theme park because the rest of my family wanted to go. That whole day I just walked around aimlessly, I think the only thing I went on was the cable car thing… I can’t remember the exact name for it…
It was the worst day ever… Some might say that it’s because rollercoasters scare me and heck they might even be right, nothing really interests me in those kinds of places and because I can’t stand those kinds of rides that means there is nothing else for me to do there.
“This isn’t a ride!” She bellowed back to me, the stream was pretty loud so it was extremely necessary to shout at me. “Think of something useful!”
“Gah! Just- Give me a minute!” I barked back at her, then I started looking around for something to use.
Of course I found nothing, I mean jumping off would have been extremely dangerous as:
A. We could have fallen into the river and would probably have drowned.
B. Jumping off at the speed we were going could have caused us serious injury.
So getting off the raft whilst it was moving was a big no-no, I did however see something other than myself on the raft that I could use to slow us down… A pair of Wings…
“What are you looking at?!” Dagger shouted to me, unsure as to what I was staring with so much attention.
“A pair of Brakes!” I yelled back, “… Dagger, stand in the middle of the raft!”
“What?! How will that help!?” She questioned loudly, clearly not understanding what I was thinking.
“Just trust me will you!” I barked back at her, she got into position and waited for further instruction. “Ok, now dig your claws into the raft and hold on…”
Dagger listened to what I said and dug in deep, the next part of the plan was simple. Now that she was part of the raft she needed some support so that she wouldn’t fall backwards, that’s where I came in. I stood behind her and supported her back with mine, this would keep her upright whilst she- … Wait, I didn’t explain what I was thinking now did I?
Ok, think of it like this, have you seen those jet propelled cars that shoot down a runway trying to break some kind of record? Right and what happened at the end when it attempts to slow down?
It releases a parachute…
I was planning to use the air resistance from Daggers wings to slow and even steer the raft to safety, there wasn’t exactly anywhere to steer it but it was better than hanging on for dear life as it bumped into everything.
“Hey, what are you doing?!” She yelled at me as I pushed my back against hers.
“Spread your wings!” I yelled back at her, the second she did it I could feel us slowing down… Mainly in my back... “Good Lord This Hurts!”
“Whoa! I think I’m steering this thing!” She pointed out, we didn’t have to shout as much now luckily, my throat was killing me by this point.
“Yeah, that was the plan!” I replied, and then I informed her of how it worked. “Ok, here’s the deal, by lowering your wings individually you can steer us on a safer path than the one we were on… I’m getting pretty tired of being thrown around”
“But which wing steers in which direction?” She asked me, thinking that I had thought about it in that much detail… Clearly she didn’t understand me…
“Heck if I know, just mess around and practice…” Yep, that’s what I said.
“Really?!” Dagger sounded pretty shocked, I think she thought I was joking at first. “But what If I crash this thing?-”
I interrupted her, I knew she was worried about messing up so I needed to her to- “Shut up, chill out and focus. I trust you stupid… Duh… Now steer us to safety ok?” Thinking back this probably wasn’t the best thing to say to a princess but at the time I wasn’t thinking about how I should ‘Talk to royalty’ I was more concerned with making it out of there in one piece.
It took her about 10 minutes to finally master how to steer the raft and avoid the sides of the river bank, I was glad because by that time I was getting just a tad seasick. As time went on however the river was getting narrower and narrower, soon we was out of the forest and in the desert wasteland. About an hour later of riding the river had finally levelled out and we were home free, me and my stomach were feeling a lot better at this point.
“Ugh, thank the lord…” I uttered out loud without thinking, now I was lying on the ground. Dagger didn’t need my help to stay upright anymore so she took the helm… Well not for long anyway…
“Which lord are you thanking?” Dagger turned to me and asked, thinking that I was genuinely praising a higher being for my safety.
“Wha- Oh, no… It’s just a human thing to say, I’m not thanking any lord” I answered her, but it wasn’t a good enough answer…
…This topic would soon derail…
“Then why did you thank the lord?”
Human terms and otherworldly creatures don’t mix…
“I was just glad that we were ok”
…Learn from my mistakes my children…
“But you thanked a lord for your safety!”
…Don’t say things that they won’t understand…
“I was just saying it out of relief… Like if you were to say ‘Thank the emperor’ or something like that”
…Like… Ever!
“Why would I thank my dad?!”
Why was I stuck with another troubled child their world?
“Ok, maybe not the emperor then… What about, ‘Thank the Empire!’ You’ve said that before”
True Story…
“Oh… I have?”
And then things went back to normal…
“Yes… Yes you have…” I replied and sighed with relief, that whole topic was finally over and done with.
She was about to answer me back with something childish and witty, but neither of us were paying attention to the course the raft was on. The river was too narrow for the raft and all of a sudden it stopped in its tracks. This sudden stop caused me and Dagger to bump heads and fall backwards in different directions… I pretty much got pecked in the face…
“Gah! What the heck- Do you sharpen that thing or what?!” I whimpered angrily, her beak hit my chin and left a small hole.
“Arg, why do you have to have such a heavy head?!” She answered back, that was the best thing she could come up with.
We both struggled back onto our feet and had a quick look around before getting off of the raft, we was in a desert wasteland, scarce of even the simplest of life forms. As we scanned the area we noticed several things, far into the distance there was what appeared to be a volcano hiding within what looked like a canyon, just past that was a small town. Last but not least was a place that looked all too familiar, Trottingham. Somewhere before all of this however was Curt’s camp, we just needed to find it…
“Huh… Now isn’t that a sight for sore eyes…” I said casually, the last time I was there I was put in a cage and treated like an animal… By a pony no less…
“What? What do you mean?” Dagger questioned, “Have you been there before?”
“Yeah… But it’s too far away to get to for now” I stated, it was still morning but it would take a day to get there if we walked non-stop. Oh and here’s a piece of trivia for you guys, where is the coldest place on earth during night time?
Bingo! In a desert… 10 points to Hufflepuff! … What? The sorting hat put me with them… I’ll be in the corner if you need me… Alone… *sob*
“So what do we do now then?” Dagger asked me, confused as to what the plan was.
I clambered off of the raft and then turned to face Dagger, and then I said plainly “Well… We start walking…”
“Ah, we head straight for that city right?” She asked, thinking that it would be nice and easy to get there.
“No actually” I informed her, she didn’t look very pleased with me. “We need to find or make a camp first…”
“What? But that would waste time!” Dagger snapped at me, she didn’t want to waste time.
“Wrong, it would keep us alive. Deserts are the coldest places to be in during the night… If we continued to walk we would most likely freeze”
This kept her quiet, and then we continued our journey.
We followed the narrow river as we walked for an extended period of time, seriously, how am I supposed to make this sound interesting? There weren’t any hungry vultures circling ahead, any mirages or oasis to explore. Nothing, nada, ‘bubcus’ …I wasn’t just following the river because I didn’t know where to go, no… I had a plan.
You see for Curt’s tribe to survive in this place they’d need a source of water and food, they had a river that contained fish not far from them. This killed two birds with one stone so surely they wouldn’t be too far away, need a better reason to believe me? Ok, how about this…
Cats love fish.
After around an hour of walking in the heat I was exhausted, I had already removed my upper clothing as I was sweating for king and country. As for Dagger, she wasn’t having that problem. She was using her own wings as shade, never even asked if I was ok. Every 5 minutes I’d carefully lean over the river we was walking beside and dipped my cupped together hands into the water to get a drink, this was the worst field trip that I had ever been on.
Eventually the sand vanished and the wastes became flat and dull, it was a nice change to see some plant life scattered around, it was becoming a very dull journey. I didn’t even have my mp3 player with me…
However during this time I was learning something about a royal Griffons taboo …
“Really? I would have never had guessed it…” I replied in surprise, oh I do like to learn…
“Well yeah, us royals aren’t supposed to though… But to every-Griffon else it’s pretty normal…” Dagger explained, don’t you just wish you knew what we was talking about?
“But… Do you do it in secret? I mean surely if it’s that good you’d find a way to do it without anyone- er… Any Griffon knowing?” I asked… It might look like I was referring to something else there but no, it was definitely ‘Not’ that.
“It’s not just Griffons that we have to be mindful of, we do get royal visitors every once in a while… If we’re seen doing it then we’ll look, it’s all about the royal image… I couldn’t care less about that to be honest…” In the world they’re from there’s a bunch of creatures most humans who have only seen the show don’t even know exist, for example… “I believe that my father invited the Serpent King from Atlantria about a month ago, now that was an extremely dull royal visit… The conversations between the two of them were so boring…”
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“All they talk about is eating fish…” Dagger replied whilst rolling her eyes.
“I see… So… Do you do it when they’re not looking?”
“It would be difficult, besides…” Dagger started to say, she stopped in place and started digging the dirt with her claws. Eventually however she found what she was digging for, and picked out the biggest worm I had ever seen. “… The best ones are deeper in the ground” She then took that worm and devoured it in one gulp… I nearly gipped.
“OK… That was disgusting…” I responded, I really wished I didn’t watch as she did that…
“Pff, Like I care about my ‘Royal Image’… I’m free for now so I can do what I want without the prying eyes of my father’s subjects…”
“In other words ‘Eat Worms’… Just-uh, don’t do that in front of me ok?”
“Are you going to make me?”
“God lord you’re stubborn-“I had begun to say, but something beneath me was missing. I thought I was walking on some leaves that were scattered around but as my foot landed on top of them I just kind of fell… It was a pitfall trap, kind of reminded me of Team Rocket and one of their extremely poor traps… Either that or monster hunter, it was quite a deep hole.
“Uh… Are you ok?” Dagger asked me, she was concerned but not that much.
“Ugh… Peachy keen…” I replied, using yet another human term.
I went and did it again…
“What does that even mean?”
… And then I made it worse
“That’s a good question, when I get back to my world I’ll make sure to Google it…
“Google- Stop using all of these human expressions!” Dagger yelled at me, quickly becoming fed up of not understanding what I was saying.
“Only if you get me out of here!” I yelled back, she got me out safely… But It wasn’t going to stop me acting like a human…
The next couple of hours passed by rather quickly, I mean it would do if you were falling into every trap possible. I mean c’mon, I thought these were lions after all not echidna’s… Red echidna’s… With big knuckle- Actually forget it…
The list of traps and whoever fell for them are as follows:-
Pitfall trap (Me)
Another Pitfall trap (Me)
Snare trap (Me)
Yet another pitfall trap (me)
Snare Face plant of doom (Oh Look! It was me…)
Dagger was being sincere (by this I mean she was laughing at me) every time I fell for one of the traps, such a cruel princess…
The last trap I remember however was the fifth one, it was the worst of the bunch. As me and Dagger walked onwards, or in my case ‘limped’, my foot decided to slip into a crack in the ground. Now at first I thought ‘Well I’ll just yank it out’, this line of thinking however was the worst thing I had come up with all day. As I did I was snared by a rope, it was hidden under the ground and broke free from the dirt as it started dragging me with it.
“Are you ok?” I think Dagger shouted in the distance…
It suddenly stopped and I followed a semicircle style of movement, I went from being on my back, to mind air and then finally flat on my face…
It knocked me clean out… When I finally awoke the situation began to heat up…
Literally…
The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
A long but Interesting Tale
The Standard and Normal Human Two5
(Slight Misdirection to begin with)
Me and a friend of mine had gotten ourselves into a fix, stuck in the middle of the desert with next to no supplies. The creature we were hunting was proving to be a major problem, not to mention the desert heat was draining our health away…
“Hey Muz, you got a spare cool drink?” I asked, trying to catch my breath.
“Yeah sure” He replied happily, “You’ve still got that extra raw meat on you right?”
“Of course, I even brought the BBQ spit as well… I figured we’d need it…”
Just then, a big shadow dragged along the ground past us. We knew it wasn’t going to be easy…
“Remember the plan?” Muz questioned, as he slowly unsheathed his long sword.
“Yeah, just line him up and I’ll shoot him good!” I replied back, loading my light bowgun.
It wasn’t long before it landed, it was a wyvern. A red one with a spiked tail, oh and a big sharp set of teeth. It was a Rathalos, it was pretty much just toying with us but we had almost finished it. We were making a last stand…
And then something happened…
I decided to cook some raw meat on the BBQ spit and for some apparent reason the Rathalos and Muz were talking all casual like, which made next to no sense.
Next was that the raw meat wasn’t cooking, but I had the strangest feeling of dizziness and warmth… As I turned the spit it seemed to get worse and worse…
‘Ugh this feels weird’
‘Too weird… Wait’
“Wait-“
I finally awoke to the forever changing view of the desert, everything was rotating in a clockwise fashion. I looked up- or down- Well both actually, and realised that I wasn’t somewhere I wanted to be…
I was being watched by a pack of lions, whilst being tied up on a BBQ spit over a low fire no less.
“WOAH! HEY!” I shouted out loud, hoping that they would understand me. “What the heck is going on!?”
“Oh look, it talks…” I heard of one of the lions say in a bored fashion. “We’re cooking you, you are our dinner-“
“Really?!” I shouted sarcastically “Because if you didn’t tell me that I would have had NO IDEA that you were trying to cook me right now!”
Even though I said that, the flames were actually pretty small, not only that but the spit was unusually high. I wasn’t getting burned and I wasn’t in pain, at the time I wasn’t thinking enough to figure this out so I continued to freak out.
“… What’s going on here?” I heard a familiar voice say, I couldn’t focus anymore and the spinning was sickening. “… Nick?”
“Ugh, that’s my name…” I replied, I was ready to throw up.
“What’s the meaning of this?!” The same familiar voice said again, they sounded concerned.
“The Griffon carried that thing here, she said that it said that this camp would be a place safe to stay” Another lion informed them, “She also said she wanted to ‘Have some fun’ with the creature before it woke up”
“He-he, I knew he’d act like this if it sounded like you were going to eat him… I thought it would be pretty good for a joke-“ Dagger informed the lion casually, I knew it was her the second I heard her.
“DAGGER! This is beyond a joke!” I barked back, at which point I stopped spinning and was being lifted to freedom. After I was unwrapped from the ‘BBQ of doom’, I sat my backside on the ground and, once again, was witness to creatures looking at me as if to say-
“What the heck is that?” One of the lions asked, looking at me with its piercing eyes.
“I have no idea… It looks pretty weird…” Another said.
I stood up and had a quick look around whilst I was being observed, then I realised something was missing… I patted myself down but it was nowhere to be found…
“… My chain is gone… Who managed to take it off?!” I asked the lions, “That thing was getting on my nerves!”
“That would be me…” An older and wider voice replied, “I removed it shortly after you arrived”
“Really? How’d you manage that?” I asked with curiosity, I figured they must have done something pretty clever to remove the metal chains. “Magic?- No wait… Acid!”
“Actually I used a big rock” He replied casually, “I just smashed it off…”
“… Huh…” I was at a loss for words, all I could think was ‘How did I not think of that?!’ “Well thanks for that, wearing that everywhere was getting on my nerves…” I had another look around and saw someone that I had been looking for, he was a sight for sore eyes. “Curt?! Buddy!”
I charged towards him, picked him up and gave him the biggest hug he’s probably ever had.
He didn’t take this well, in fact I think he was a bit embarrassed. “G-Get off of me Nick!” he roared at me, I would have said barked but hey, he’s a lion not a dog.
“Nick?” Said the village elder, repeating my name to recollect something from the past. “Curt, is this the one who rescued you from captivity?”
“Yes elder, he is the one” Curt replied to the elder with great respect, “If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have returned to our home”
“Well in that case…” The elder began to say, stroking his beg beard with his claw. “We welcome you to our home with open paws”.
Just like scar from the wolf pack the elder also had a scar, it looked as if he got into a fight with a dragon or something… It looked like a deep burn, it had completely immobilized his left eye. With the plaits in his hair and a deep, wise and commanding voice he was the Elder of his camp. He simply waved his paw and before I knew it, I was being observed by at least twenty or thirty lions which all seemed to appear from nowhere, the setup of the camp was a basic one. Tree trunks for seats and a fire pit in the middle, their houses were made from dirt… Literally… Think of an igloo but made from mud, it was actually rather well made.
We all gathered around the camp fire, with Dagger to my left and Curt to my right I felt out of place… A bit late for that right?
“Please, explain what is going on” The elder asked me, compelled as to what the heck was going on.
“Ok, I’ll give you the short version…” I began, for the next few seconds I was silent, trying to collect my thoughts. “I come from a different world entirely, it doesn’t contain any magic and so I should have never been able to get here at all… The first time was an… Accident. This time however Discord, lord of chaos and total jerk, decided to bring me to this world against my will, but more specifically he took me to the Griffon Empire…”
“But the Griffons despise Discord…” One of the lions added, unsure as to why he’d drop me there.
“Yeah, that’s why I was imprisoned… They thought I was his ally…”
“So how did you escape?” Another lions asked… I wanted to laugh, the only thing I could think of was that old saying. ‘Curiosity killed the cat’
“Well I didn’t at first, I was just lucky that a certain Griffon came gave me a way out…”
The elder turned to talk to Dagger, “So… Why did you help this- Uh…“ The elder began, but he stopped midsentence as he didn’t know what I was.
Luckily however, “Human, this creature is a human” Curt assisted the elder, “Its name is Nick”
“Ah, thank you Curt Claw” The elder replied happily.
“Well…” Dagger started to say, unsure as to how to proceed. “I just wanted a bit of freedom… And this human said that he had been to Equestria once before, so we made a deal-”
“If she freed me from my jail, I would show her around Equestria!” I interrupted happily, this caused Dagger to glare at me. “What? Oh fine, Sorry ‘Princess’… Yeesh”
Saying that last part didn’t get a reaction, so I could only assume that they already knew who she was.
And then something happened, I asked a question which in turn would lead to a story which was truly interesting…
“So… What’s your story?” I asked the lion elder, “You must have a tale or two?”
“Hmm, I do… But what do you know about this world and its past?” The elder asked me, I was stuck for words. “I see… To explain why we are here, I believe I need to explain how Griffons came to exist…” The elder got up and lead us all to a place where all answers would be seen clearly, kind of like an answer sheet for an exam. It was a place that I didn’t even notice when I first arrived, it was a cave… On the inside, all over the walls were hieroglyphs, drawings and letters, all explaining about the past… The elder explained everything will all of the knowledge that surrounded us…
Ok, this conversation took so long that it was pretty much night time by the end of it. But I can however try to summarize it in a way so that it should take only a few minutes…
In their world, thousands of years ago, there were no Griffons… Not a single one… There were however, Eagles and Lions.
Now, these guys didn’t exactly get along. There were even wars that went on between the two factions.
They would be stepping on each other’s… Well Paws and talons, can’t say feet now can I? The eagles would want to hunt for food on the ground, but of course this is where the lions get their meals too. After years of arguing it turned into all out warfare, both factions trying to hold down areas for themselves. This went on for many more years, neither side was backing down…
And then something unspeakable happened… One species from each race had somehow taken a liking to each other, through the magic of mortal combat. I really didn’t want to have to say the ‘M’ word there… Magic I mean, not the mortal combat part…
Through the magic of love… Great… said it again, plus that sounded way too corny… Where was I? Oh right, well these two managed to put their differences aside and found themselves to be quite in love with each other.
Ok, see where I’m going with this? Or do I need to go all ‘You Don’t Know Jack!’ game quiz on y’all.
It should be pretty self-explanatory, thus the very first Griffon was born between these two. They did however keep this a secret, until eventually both sides found out about this co-existence between the two races.
This sparked an outrage, however these two, using the power of speech, managed to convince them that both races could live together peacefully. It took a while but eventually a truce was made, then peace managed to find itself amongst the citizens. It wasn’t exactly easy for them but they managed somehow…
They hunted together and eventually found themselves to be quite capable allies, this made the bonds between the races stronger, which in turn meant that more Griffons would be blessed and born into the world.
Peace had finally and settled for the next few hundred years… And then something occurred of which neither party could have anticipated…
The elder pointed with his paw to a certain drawing on the wall, it was a large scaly creature breathing what appeared to be fire from its mouth…
“Dragons?” I questioned, it felt like a curve ball was just thrown into the fray at this point.
“Correct” The elder confirmed, “They were a threat that neither the Lions or Eagles could have handled together or alone… Lions may be strong and fierce, but we didn’t have the means to reach them… Eagles may be quick and agile, but they didn’t have the strength to do any real damage…”
And just like that, all the pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place…
“… But the Griffons did…”
The elder nodded, “Precisely… The Griffons managed to drive back the dragons that nearly destroyed all of our homes, they became revered for their courage, willpower and brute strength… After the Lions and Eagles rebuilt their homes, the Griffons decided that they needed to keep watch over the dragons to make sure that such an occurrence never happened again… So they build their homes high, high enough to see exactly what they were up to… They created an Empire, crowned a king, they thrived…”
“Ok… That actually makes some sense…” I said, this was one heck of a day to learn about all of this… At least it killed some time, heck it gave me something to think about…
The elder was about to continue but just then, one of the lions from the outside charged into the cave, they looked worried. “Elder! Griffon Royal Guards are heading this way!”
Dagger let out a cry of panic, “W-What do we do!?”
“Gah- Hide you idiot!” I shouted back, “Mr Elder Lion Sir, I hate to ask but is there somewhere you can keep us hidden for the time being?”
“There is” The lion Elder said swiftly yet calmly, “Follow me”
He quickly led us out of the cave, I looked up at the sky and could see dots in the sky far into the distance. At the speed they were going we didn’t have long… We were quickly led into one of the mud houses, on the inside it looked pretty basic, I mean it was just a shelter after all. No beds, no cosy furniture, nothing. Well, all except for a rug on the floor. It looked too out of place, suspicious even. And I was right to be wary, the elder removed it and it uncovered a secret hiding spot.
It was so technologically advanced, so farfetched, so crazy that it just had to work! … Yeah, it was a wooden plank which when lifted revealed a hole in the ground, see? I couldn’t make it sound great if I tried…
“Get in” The Elder said to us, “You need to hurry”
“You’ve got to be kidding…” Ok, I have some issues with tight spaces. I learned this back when I was still in school, we took a trip to an underground cave, I think it was called Peak Cavern although I could be wrong. During the tour we partly travelled by a small boat, it was cramped, dark, wet and extremely uncomfortable.
Whilst thinking about all of these things, Dagger, of all Griffons, Decided to push me into the hole, against my will of course. Again, I wanted to say people but I just can’t…
“Gah! Hey!” I yelled at her, but she didn’t look like she was in the mood to argue with.
“Shut Up!” She barked, glaring at me yet again.
The lid was closed shut and the rug was laid on top, Dagger had her wing over my mouth as I attempted to freak out. So much so that she ended up smothering me and I passed out…
I swear she did that on purpose…
The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
Some Confusing but Informative Chaos
The Standard and Normal Human Two6
As I awoke, I found myself still in the hole, alone. The sun was out and light conversation could be heard in the camp, it was morning. The fact that I could tell the sun was out meant that the cover had been taken off, clearly Dagger had gotten out before me.
Now the first time I was in this world I had but only 5 or 6, heck 7 days if I pushed my luck, to get back home before it was too late to deny my absence. I must have spent 3 or 4 days at this point and I hadn’t even gotten close to Equestria yet, we were on the outskirts and we were running out of time. Well I was anyway, Dagger could stay there for as long as she liked…
I ungracefully clambered out of the hole and made my way outside, stretching my arms I let out a loud yawn. Then I remembered how I fell asleep in the first place, as irritated as I was knowing that Dagger caused me to pass out I couldn’t bring myself to blame her. I mean she was desperate, she didn’t want to go back so soon, and me kicking up a fuss wasn’t going to help the situation.
In the end? She did what she had to…
“Morning Human” One of the lions said to me, “The guards are gone, you have no need to feel uneasy now”
“I kind of guessed that, what with Alice not being in the rabbit hole…” I replied casually, of course upon saying that I was giving the stare of confusion. The lion tilted its head and I had to rethink what I had just said, “Uh… I meant that the ‘Princess’ wasn’t in the hiding space when I woke up…”
“Oh… Sorry, your methods of talking are confusing…” The lion now understood what I meant, kind of.
“Well thanks for the help anyway” I replied to the conpuzzled lion, I then I walked towards the campfire, but I soon spotted something which made me act just a little bit too childish.
You see Curt was talking to someone, a lioness no less. My brain immediately jumped to the chance for shenanigans and I raced off to embarrass Curt as much as possible, what could possibly go wrong?
Curt and the Lioness were both sitting at the campfire, or lying, whatever it is lions do. They were indulged in conversation, unaware of my presence I decided to go all ‘Metal Gear’ and sneak up on them. I kept low and moved quickly, I wasn’t paying too much attention to what they were saying… I did however get a few odd words here and there.
“Stop acting so childish…”
Or
“Smile once in a while!”
Like a crafty badger I had gotten myself into position, I was right behind him. Unfortunate however he was a lion, and these kinds of creatures seem to have a very good sense of their surroundings.
As I took a deep breath and stood just behind him, he looked away from the lioness he was talking to and said this. “Please excuse me for a second…” He then turned around full to face me and roared right in my face. All the air I had breathed in came out all at once as a manly scream. Yes, for I am a man!
… Yeah, it wasn’t very manly…
My freak out had caused me to fall backwards and land on the dirt ground. “Jesus Curt!” I yelled at him, even though I was going to do that to him. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”
“Serves you right, it’s rude to interrupt a conversation between two lions” Curt explained, smirking at me as I sat on the floor.
I got up from the ground and shook the dust off my clothes, “That goes for other species as well you know, so… Who’s this? Your girlfriend?”
Ever seen a lion blush? I have, heck I didn’t think it was possible but I witnessed that first hand. The lioness’s response? She laughed, as for Curt he was as red as a beetroot and completely speechless.
“Allow me to explain” The lioness chuckled, containing her laughter as best as she could. “I’m, his sister”
Woops…
“Oh dear lord… I am So Sorry! Please forgive me, I just wanted to get back at Curt for roaring at me…” I did feel pretty awkward, but she just laughed it off.
“Oh it’s fine, to be honest he needs to relax more, he’s always so serious…” She informed me, my mind went into ‘Fun’ mode.
“I see… So Curt…” I began, whilst pulling a slightly devious smile.
“What?” Curt replied blandly.
“Why so serious?” C’mon, I had to say it…
He saw me smirk and instantly knew what I was up to, “More human references?”
“You see, this is why we should stick together when I visit this world, you understand my thinking”
“I ‘Understand’ that you’re strange…” He replied blatantly, I laughed. “What’s so funny?”
“Well I’ve been called ‘Strange’ quite a bit these days, it’s a bit funny really… Got to enjoy the little things though right?”
“Yes!” The Lioness shouted loudly, “That’s what you need to do Curt! Smile once in a while! Laugh about something!”
“Laugh about what Blithe? We’re in the desert and we have a job to do…”
I didn’t care too much about that last part, I kind of wish I did at the time…
“Blithe?” I questioned, I looked at the lioness now looking at me with her full attention. Eventually however… “Oh! That’s your name? Blithe-Claw?”
“Yep!” Note, Blithe means lively, happy, joyous. Heck just look it up, “So, you’re the one who saved my brother?”
“Well, kind of…” I replied, scratching the back of my head as I did it. I looked over to Dagger in the distance talking to one of the lions. “Hmm, we should really keep moving…”
“Well walking out in the open would be foolish now that the guards are ahead of you, not to mention it would take a day or two… Luckily for you…” Curt began, he slowly got up from the ground and stretched in that same way cats do. “I know a faster way to get to Trottingham…”
Before I could ask how, Curt pointed his paw towards the canyon with the Volcano in the middle. “There are passageways through that canyon which run beside the volcano, we’ll be able to travel through there with no risk of being spotted. It’s also quite close to a town just outside Trottingham… In fact that trip will only take half a day to get to where you need to be, but…” He stopped, with concern in his eyes he then continued. “There is a catch however…”
“A catch?” I asked, “Beside the heat and the difference in travel time I don’t really see the problem”
Just then, as if by pure coincidence, a loud roar could be heard far into the distance. It was a roar of which I had never heard before, I didn’t know what creature it was but I knew it sounded nasty.
“… Uh… What was that?” I asked nervously, I swear that sound sent shivers down my spine.
“That? That is the catch…” He turned to face me, he looked deadly serious. “Dragons…”
Ok, remember back to my first days in this strange world of Mythological creatures and talking animals, at some point I said the following…
‘If I had seen a dragon or a lion, what would happen? I hadn’t encountered them yet so I wasn’t very fussed’
Yeah well the key word there was ‘Yet’, you see this was what I was referring to.
“… Dragons? … Fire breathing dragons? … Dragons that would look at us as a meal?” I repeated, praying that I had misheard him.
“Yes, Dragons. I thought it was all explained to you-“Curt started, soon however he stopped after seeing me shaking in my boots quite literally. “I know it’s risky, but it’s the only way this is going to work, unless you want to be put in a cage again?”
Life choices folks, it’s a cruel thing to experience. Either way I was going to have to deal with either situation, one being that I’d be dragged back to Griffon jail and then sent to Tartarus with the other nasty and evil creatures. Or I’d have to risk life or limb, or both, trying to sneak through a place where Dragons lived… Great… Spike, you were one heck of a brave dude to head to a place like that all by yourself. As for me? I wasn’t going alone… Thank Celestia for that… Or lord, or whatever really.
My silence was my answer, Curt knew I had no choice. “I see, well grab your things, we’ll leave within the hour…” And with that he walked off, Blithe smiled at me and followed Curt. I took a seat next to the fire, this gave me a chance to reflect on the situation, well until I felt something massaging my shoulders.
At first I thought it was Dagger or someone else, but as I turned around and who do you think I saw?
“You’re looking a bit tense my boy…” A cocksure voice said behind me, I knew all too well who it was but I was more confused as to why he was out in the open.
I jumped from my seat and turned to face him, then I pointed my finger towards his face before shouting “Discord!”
But before I had the chance to rant and rave I noticed that everything looked a little ‘Off’, do you know what monochrome is? In simple terms it means grayscale, you see as I jumped from my seat to face him, he wasn’t the only one I was looking at… It was myself, seriously… It looked like I was asleep, he must have dragged me into a different state because no one took any notice. I was shocked, speechless… Well almost, “… What in the world-”
“I would have loved to meet you in person, but I do prefer to keep some discretion in situations like these” Discord explained himself, “So how’s your adventure going? Are you at least going to have some fun while you’re here?”
“Oooooh Suuuuure, fun…”I began, saying every word as blandly as I possibly could. “Being imprisoned, on the run from royal guards, being attacked by wildlife and being mocked by a cartoon villain… I’m ecstatic… Really…”
“Oh good! Well then it’s only a matter of Time before your little quest ends…” He stated, how he was talking was just like in the show, it was sinister and evil, yet he seemed to enjoy everything he was saying. ”So you had better enjoy yourself before your Time in this world comes to an end…”
“What’s it with you and time?!” I barked at him, I was getting pretty irritated with that word. Time, he always put extra emphasis on it and I couldn’t understand why.
“Well I could tell you that my boy, but in doing so I’d endanger this timeline…” That’s what he said…
“… Just shush and hang on a sec” I asked him, I started looking around the area very sarcastically like I was trying to take the micky out of him, “Hmm, nope. I don’t see the Tardis anywhere, if I did see one I’d have to call you Discord the Time lord”
“That’s the spirit! Have a laugh, make a joke or two, enjoy your Time!” Again, he said it with a smile, still keeping that emphasis on that word. “Ah yes… Time, Time, time…”
Something was bugging me, “… What do you know that I don’t?”
“I’d love to go into the all of the details, but I’m afraid it wouldn’t be fun to spoil the surprise…” He said with a smirk, and then he said that word again. “But like I said ‘Nicky my boy’, you’ll find out all of this… All… In due Time”
Before I had the chance to yell at him for repeating that word no less than 7 times in that conversation, he picked me up and threw me at my body. Next thing I remember, I woke up next to the fire, I was slightly dazed and unsure as to what had just transpired. I didn’t dismiss it is a dream, I didn’t even think I was crazy. But what I did think was that Discord had more power than I knew, all his shenanigans in the MLP series? It was nothing compared to what he was really like, still as chaotic but still…
“You ok?” I heard Dagger ask from behind me, “You seem troubled”
“Uh, it’s nothing… I’m just a bit tired” Of course I lied, it’s not like my story was believable…
… Having said that ‘You’re’ still reading this right?
“Well we’re leaving the camp, grab your bag and lets go…” Dagger informed me, then she walked away.
I got up and reached behind me where my bag was supposed to be, it wasn’t of course. My bag must have been removed from me when I first arrived, It wasn’t a backpack as such, more like a satchel. So I made my way to where the Elder was hiding, I figured he’d know where my bag was, plus I never did hear what he was going to say before the griffon guards showed up. But we didn’t have time to finish the story… We needed to move…
I approached the Elders tent, it was a little bigger and higher on the ground than the rest. As if it were to watch over his people, this made quite a bit of sense actually. I wanted to knock on his door before entering but, well since when do tents have doors?
Unless rich kids have tents like these, heck I don’t know does that even exist? I’m blathering again forgive me…
“Um, Elder?” I asked from outside the tent, unsure as to if he was inside or not. I could hear scratching and what sounded like metal tin being dropped, I could smell shenanigans. “… I’m coming in”
What I saw was truly quite something, heck… I never even saw it coming…
Upon entering I saw the Elder swiftly hide something from view, on the floor was my bag, and on his cheeks were biscuit crumbs.
“… Well, I didn’t expect this…” I said with a chuckle, he looked so calm as if nothing had happened.
“Ah young human” He began, trying to seem as inconspicuous as possible. “How can I help you?”
It was almost embarrassing, I mean I could see right through him it was funny.
“So… Enjoying my biscuits are we?” I asked him, getting straight to the point.
“Young Curt is accompanying you to on your journey” He said, completely dodging my question, “I hope you can clear your name”
This was just ridiculous, “… I… I can visibly see the crumbs on your face…”
Upon saying that he turned around and wiped his face with his paw, “What do you mean? I don’t have anything on my face…”
This, ladies and gentleman, is what I’d like to call the ‘The Black Knight’ sketch. Ever seen Monty Python? The black knight and Arthur going at it with swords, the black knight loses an arm and denies it even though it’s blatantly obvious that it’s missing, on the floor, not attached to him anymore.
I gave up trying to get him to admit anything, it wasn’t going to happen. “… I’ll just grab my bag and I’ll get going then…”
The Elder passed my bag to me and I turned to face the exit, before I left however…
“In all seriousness, I do hope you stay safe…” He uttered in a serious tone, “Oh and try to get Curt to relax once in a while, how is he supposed to take over the camp after I’m gone with that stubborn attitude of his?”
“Um… Take over?” I questioned, that one threw me for a moment. “What is he? Next in line or something?”
“Well of course…” He began me, “My name is Sage-Claw, Curt-Claw is my grandson…”
“What?!” I yelled in surprise, I mean this was getting ridiculous…
Why do I keep getting dragged into all of this family business?!
The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
The Dangerous but Delightful Dragons
The Dangerous but Delightful Dragons 1
The Standard and Normal Human Two7
With my food stash dry and Discord being a jerk as per usual, me Curt and Dagger headed to the ‘Dragons Lair’ so to speak… Actually it was more literal than that but whatever… None of us said anything to each other as we began our journey, I mean what was supposed to be said at a time like this?
‘Try not to look at them directly in the eyes, or speak or breathe. If you do that then’ You’re gonna have a bad time’
It’s just plain silly right?
It was a short walk to the canyon, upon arrival Curt decided to inform us of the ‘Important things not to do during this part of the quest’ Why quest? It makes it sound more interesting, that’s why! How he went about explaining it reminded me of Airhostesses before a take-off, Oh and by the way I’ve been on a plane now and let me tell you, initial take off is Horrible! My head was aching for so danged long! Apart from that I was ok, I must have felt sick on that Sky Carriage because of how small it was, I was nervous as all heck in that thing…
Oh right… I’m rambling again, apologies…
“Ok you two” He began, sounding both bored and irritated at the same time. “As we pass through here it’s vital that we keep as quiet as possible, got it? Dragons hearing is extremely sensitive”
“I see… So no kicking, screaming, pulling funny faces, making silly noises-“ I began to take the mick, what the heck did he think I was going to do whilst sneaking past dragons?
“He just said we need to keep as quiet as possible!” Dagger added, quickly slapping me with her wing. “You do that and we’ll be a Dragons dinner!”
“Can you Relax please?!” I replied back, “I was Joking! Don’t you think I know how serious this is?!”
And then, Once again…
“You are most certainly not taking this seriously at all!”
I swear this was a routine or something…
“What are you talking about?!”
Because at times like this… This Always Happened…
“Treat the situation with some severity will you!”
Luckily however Curt was here this time…
“I always do!”
So as a Lion…
“So what was that right now?!”
Curt let out a loud and dominant Roar, “Shut up the pair of you!” After taking a deep breath to calm down himself he continued, “Dagger, this human… Nick, uses humour as a mean to escape any fear or nervousness that engulfs him… Just… Ignore him or something”
Dagger took a look at me and I was as white as a ghost, I really didn’t want to go near any dragons. I wasn’t a Dovahkiin, Shouting at them wouldn’t do anything… I physically wanted to be sick, but as I’m a joker at times like this I can usually hide that fact pretty well.
“Hey… Curt” I said smiling slightly, “You need to keep it down, there ‘Are’ dragons here after all…”
Curt suddenly realised that I was right and began to blush, “W-Whatever, now just keep quiet and follow me”
“More like keep calm and carry on…” I whispered, following Curt’s lead through a wide open cave in the canyons face.
“What?” Dagger replied, but she soon gave up on what I had just said. “Oh whatever…” Said the grumpy princess…
Hmm, I never did think about the ramifications of writing about her in such a manner… Hah! Whatever, it’s not like I’m breaking any laws or rules in their land is it? …Wait, is it?
As we walked through the slightly lit cave we could hear the roars and movement above us, it sounded like a whole dragon’s nest up there… Which was funny because that’s exactly what it was… As the cave began to open up we could physically see through the gaps in the walls, those dragons were everywhere!
“Dear lord there’s a lot of them…” I whimpered as I tried to focus on my footwork and breathing.
“… Well, this ‘Is’ their nest you know…” Dagger added sarcastically, I didn’t answer… “… You really are scared aren’t you?”
“Wouldn’t you be in my situation?” I replied quietly, “I mean you have wings and some fighting capabilities… What have I got? I may as well have the word ‘Food’ sprawled over my chest…”
“Shh” Curt insisted, trying to keep us as quiet as possible.
We continued onwards and it didn’t get much better, the cave got narrower at one point… I was about ready to turn back, if it wasn’t for Dagger and Curt pushing me through the crawl space I wouldn’t have even considered doing it. After we got through however we encountered our first problem…
“Oh thank god!” I whispered excitedly, kissing the ground in relief.
“… Um…” I heard Curt say, he didn’t sound very happy…
I heard this and got up from the ground, before I could ask what was wrong I could see exactly what was concerning him.
It there were 3 tunnels, all going in different directions…
“I don’t remember this being like this before…” Curt questioned, something was clearly wrong here… “There only used to be one tunnel, where did these come from?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “I dunno… Maybe a drilling machine?”
“… What?” Dagger questioned, perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned something from the show…
Curt was looking at me in confusion, it didn’t last long however…
“Well well well, what do we have here?” An ominous voice said, we started looking around but couldn’t see anyone, then that classic horror trick of looking up in horror. There were three teenage dragons, clenching the ceiling with their claws.
The shortest one was green, quite chubby but broad. The second tallest was a red, his teeth seemed to be a lot sharper and thinner than the others he was with. Then last but not least, the purple dragon. He was the tallest and, as experience goes, they would no doubt follow his orders… It must be pretty bad when ‘I’m’ the one who knows what’s going on…
At the same time they all let go and descended to the ground, luckily I didn’t feel so intimidated as the tallest one was only slightly taller than me. Having said that however it was still pretty unnerving, “A Griffon, a Lion, and a- … A…”
Something clicked in my head, you know the one right? The one that encourages me to get up to some shenanigans?
I sighed, “Here we go again, gimme a sec to get comfortable…” I said calmly, I walked to the cave wall and parked my backside on the ground. “Ok, so… Who wants to play 20 questions?”
“What is it?” The greed dragon asked.
I started shaking my hand, “No no no that’s not how it works…” I replied, “You need to ask things like, ‘Is it bigger than a bread box?’ Or ‘Can I put it in my… Mou-‘, Actually let’s forget that one…”
“What are you doing?!” Dagger yelled at me, unhappy with the current situation.
Curt facepaw’d, “… Why am I not surprised?”
“It’s toying with us… Let’s just eat it!” Red added, getting straight to the point which wasn’t a good thing.
You see normally in past events like these, I was able to stall whatever creature it was from attacking me in some way. Dragons, as it turned out, liked to cut the ‘middleman’ so to speak…
“Whoa, you're being a bit hasty there don’t you think?” I replied nervously, now getting up from the ground because my ‘Stall Them’ tactic had gone south.
“Not really” The purple one said, I could see his sharp teeth through his devious smile. “So which ones do you guys want?-”
“Not so fast there Spyro” I interrupted, it was time to go back to basics. “I do believe it’s not even dinner time yet and- OH MY GOSH! WHAT’s THAT BEHIND YOU!?”
My sudden shouting caused the Dragons to turn around in shock, when they did they saw nothing.
“Guys! Split up!” I yelled to Curt and Dagger, I headed for the left tunnel, Curt took the right and Dagger took the middle. I could hear the ‘tragons’ (Teenage Dragons, yes I just made that up…) Right behind us, “Ha! Made you look! See Ya! Fus-Ro-Dragons!”
Spyro, the purple one, wasn’t happy at all. “Grrr! Get Em!”
It never really occurred to me how much running I did during that trip, it was a heck of a lot let me tell ya.
As I made my way through the ever changing and winding cave, I soon realised that Spyro was right behind me. And then he was suddenly above me, I wasn’t watching my footwork. I was so busy looking back that I ended up walking into thin air, the cave opened up and I landed straight into a river. The stream was taking me away, I didn’t know where but anywhere had to be better than where I was.
“Gah! Why’d I have to pick the tunnel with the water drop!?”I yelled as I kept my head above water level, I soon realised that this was a rather good thing. I mean dragons breathe fire right? So the last thing they’d want to do is jump in with me, so being the crazy human I was I decided to let the current take me. “Well, I guess this could be worse…”
Guess what happened? Yup, it got worse… ‘Wait, what is that sound?’ I thought to myself, I could hear something in the distance.
‘… Is that- Water falling? … Oh dear god no…’
Before I could even attempt to swim against the flow of the water is was already too late, it sent me flying over the edge into a lake. The layout of the cave had already confused the heck out of me, even trying to explain this is confusing I know… I landed head first and then had to swim back up to the surface, I should have picked something better to say…
“Ha! I’m Alive!” I Yelled, still disorientated by being thrown around.
By the time I opened my eyes I could see at least 15 dragons, adult dragons, staring at me with their giant menacing eyes. They were massive creatures, intimidating and ferocious…
I don’t remember anything after that for a while, I think I passed out or fainted. Well what would you have done? And no don’t start referencing Jurassic park, it’s not going to do you any good…
‘Hmm… Is it alive?’
‘Does it matter? Can I eat it?’
‘Of Course not!’
‘Wh-Why?!’
‘Do you know what this creature is!?’
‘Well uh… no… Do you?’
‘No! Of Course Not! I’ve never seen anything like it!
“Ugh” I awoke to the sounds of arguing, I must have been moved to dry land because I wasn’t in the lake anymore. But I really wish I didn’t open my eyes, I could see Spyro and some other adult dragons looking at me close up.
I wanted to freak out so bad…
“Take a step back, I think it’s awake…” One of the dragons spoke, it sounded strangely intelligent. I was expecting it to just eat me up and that would be it, but nope… Once again I was wrong, then again when Fluttershy had to tell that dragon off it said something like ‘But she Kicked me!’ in a childish fashion, so It’s no surprise that I actually did find one you can a conversation with…
“You’re… Not going to eat me?” I asked, still shaking with fear… Oh and I was cold, I did land in a lake after all.
“We have no reason to…” The dragon answered, “How do you understand our language?”
I answered with another question, “Well how do ‘You’ understand mine?”
The dragon laughed, “Well, you have a good point there… It can only mean that we’re using the same language to communicate, which means that wherever you came from, more creatures like you communicate like this…”
“Well… It gets confusing after a while to be honest, there’s so many different languages where I come from its ridiculous…” Before I knew it, I was having a conversation with a dragon the size of a house. “I mean you have Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Spanish, Dutch- Heck there are way too list and they’re just the ones I can remember…”
“I see, we have much to discuss then…” The dragon replied in interest…
Guess I can add ‘Dragon’ to my short list of languages I actually know…
English and Dragon, I really am a Dovahkiin!
The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
A Suspicious but Quaint Town
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A Long and Awaited Return to Equestria
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. The Standard and Normal Human: Two : Griffon Grumbles
A Short but Happy Distraction
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A Final and Relieving Conclusion
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