Chapters Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
Take most of this fic with a grain of salt and a healthy dose of common sense, you'll feel less inclined to beat your head on the wall in frustration or irritation. It's not quite a crackfic but some weird shenanigans can and will happen, hence this note. ALSO, PLEASE NOTE THAT ANY CROSSOVER ELEMENTS ARE NOT 100% CANON.
Mandatory Disclaimer: I do not own MLP, the rights belong to Hasbro. I do not claim the ideas or properties in said franchise, either.
Notes: Thoughts will appear like so: /I like pie./ Thought communication, when it appears, will be like this: /Your pie is MINE!/
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Time:8:45 P.M.
Date: 10/31/20??
Location: French Village, Missouri
A young man with pale skin and slightly ruffled, medium-short brown hair is sitting in the lowest branches of a tall cedar tree. He is garbed in the traditional white T-shirt and blue jeans that most people his age wear. His feet are covered in a simple pair of scuffed black boots, his white t-shirt is covered with a blue winter vest, stuffed with goose down, and upon his head is a camouflage ball cap.
… You know what, screw that, I'm telling the story here, and that sounds boring as hell when you put it that way. Also, why the hell do I keep forgetting my own glasses? Sure, I hate them, but when the alternative is wearing rubbery, plasticky things in your eyes (shudder) or being legally blind to the point where everything a foot away or more is a colorful blur, you deal with it.
“Anyway, enough of the self-narrating, I want a sandwich.” Hopping down from the tree to the ground not 10 feet below, I start the several-mile trek up the old path out of the woods to the home I've lived in for the last 5 years, without any family or friends for dozens of miles.
I'd moved here not for the fresh breezes, or the clean air, but for the solitude I craved ever since I turned 17 and realized I wouldn't get much further in life with the situation I was in, and to top it all off, there was an accident with a few power tools, my father, and a few unlucky people at the workplace. My father officially disowned me, after some cheap whiskey of course. What that entails can be summed up in a single sentence: “Pack up, shut up, here'sh a coupla thousand bucks, now git da fuck outta my housh.” Worst part was, getting kicked out by my own father was perfectly legal, even though he was drunk.
Long story short, I ended up punching my own father in the face and taking the well-worn, unpainted 1986 Pontiac Fiero that I had been maintaining for a while. I had no home to go back to, and all I had was the money in my wallet, the car I was riding in, and whatever I had with me at the time. I ended up working at the Burger King about half an hour's drive away from my new home, and I've been living almost paycheck to paycheck ever since, saying to myself, “It always gets worse before it gets better.”
But I digress. Before I get any more long-winded, I'd like to get some facts straight before I go on:
One, I hate being called stupid, or a genius. Most people would like being called a genius, but I know for a fact I just use common sense more than others and read a lot. Trust me, if anyone's a genius, it's not me.
Two, I like video games, and most things that have to do with video games. Now, I know for a fact what you're thinking, “who doesn't like video games?” Two words: my father. See my point?
Three, I am a furry, I've been that way since I was fifteen, and I don't give a damn about what others think about furries.
Four, life's a bitch, and I was about to find that out... again.
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Walking up the path behind my house, I take a moment to admire it in its simplicity. One floor, white exterior, and a small mud room extending from the left side for rainy or snowy days, containing the wood-burning furnace keeping the house warm. Coming up the slope to the back door, I keyed the lock and walked in...
Only to see a lone man in a stereotypical ski mask attempting to make a 'sneaky' escape out of the front window, carrying a bag that was probably full of the more expensive things in the house.
Taking another step into view, I shout, “Hey you! Drop my stuff, you asshole!”
He whips around toward me with a curse, following up with a loud bang. Only then do I notice the gun in his hand, and right after that I feel the pain in the left side of my chest where the bullet has gone in.
/That sonofabitch.../ I fall to my knees in agony, feeling weaker than I have in my entire life.
The burglar/murderer climbs back through the window and grabs the back of my vest, dragging my coughing, wheezing body through the front door. He props me up against one of the walnut trees in the front yard, facing the house. In the next minute or so, he's had time to dig through my pockets, pulling out my wallet, my keys, pretty much anything of value. He strides quickly around the side of the house, to where the small mudroom is attached, and comes back with a 5-gallon can of gasoline. /My emergency gas!/
The bastard has the nerve to grin at me before soaking the front door of the house with the gas. He then opens the door and from what I can see, he's soaking the carpet in every room. In the 3 minutes I was sitting there, he has time to get every room and grab more of my stuff. He then jauntily walks back out, his grin more maniacal, before walking up to me and setting his ill-gotten gains down.
He only says one thing, with that insufferable grin plastered on his face. “Anything to say before your life goes up in flames?” His voice is deep, almost annoyingly so.
I take as deep a breath as I can, and cough out, “Fuck. You. Bastard.”
His grin morphs into a grotesque snarl, and he backhands me across the face, cracking my skull against the tree. Lighting a match, he waves it under my nose, searing my nostrils and making me cough up more blood from my ruined lung, then flicks it nonchalantly onto the carpet in the front room. It ignites like a firecracker on the Fourth of July. My murderer then picks up the bag and walks out of sight. Even if I'd been able to ask, he'd never have answered the questions circling my mind like fish in a toilet bowl. I doubt I'd have gotten an answer anyway, but I want to ask, regardless....
/Why would he do this? What did this accomplish? I can always chalk it up to a simple burglary turned vindictive through opportunity, but I'll never know for sure now.../
Even as these questions continue racing throughout my mind, I hear a twig snap, and I weakly look up to see a strange figure strolling out of the dark from the opposite direction my murderer had walked off to. From where I slump against the tree, I could see that their limbs were oddly mismatched, as if they'd gotten some sort of transplant that wasn't exactly symmetrical. Another quick glance at them, and I have to do a double take in the form of a slow blink.
For there, walking out of the woods near my burning house, towards where I sat bleeding out and coughing, was the strangest-looking creature I'd ever seen. It reminds me of a creature that I'd seen in a show that I'd only recently started to watch... what was it.... argh, what was it called?.... My Little Pony? Yeah, that's it. Its name was Discord, the self-proclaimed God of Chaos. /Isn't he supposed to be locked in stone, and more importantly, fictional?/
“Tsk, tsk, young man. Don't you know it's rude to stare, as well as calling a sentient being 'it'? I can help you out of this situation, but in return... well, let's just say that I need you to do something for me.”
/It's not like I can answer, what with the hole in my chest and a punctured, blood-filled lung. Obviously./
Waving his talon hand nonchalantly, Discord interrupts my thoughts. “No need for sarcasm... Jack, was it? I'm doing you a favor here. To be blunt, I get your soul out of here, warp you to where I come from, and you just, what was the word, 'hang out'? Yes, 'hang out' there. If you want to go, then all I need is a nod on your part. If not, well....” he breaks off, reclining into the air, somehow, and waiting on an answer. I hear my car explode in the background. /Damnit, there goes my safe driver discount./
I'm slowly losing consciousness, but I get what he is saying. With what little strength I have, I lean my head back against the tree, then let it slump forward in a nod. Rubbing his talon and paw hands together in glee, Discord chuckles evilly. Waving his talon over his head, a peaked airline captain's cap appears on his head in a puff of smoke, between his horns, and with a flick of the opposite wrist a microphone similarly appears in his paw.
“Welcome to Discord Interdimensional, we hope you enjoy your trip!” Just as everything was going dark and the sound of crackling flames fading to a buzz, Discord snaps his talons and everything instantly plunges into darkness.
Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
I still do not own My Little Pony. I believe I never will.
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Waking up in the dark is terrifying... at least if you know that you were dead or dying moments before.
Even more terrifying is waking up in the dark in a jar of preservative fluid.
Compound that with the fact that I'm conscious at all and a quick glance showing me that all that was there was my head, and I have every right to freak out. Being a head in a glowing jar that looks like it was ripped straight from Futurama, I can't move very much, and I am not going to attempt using my tongue to push me over, as genius as that may seem.
/Calm down, something has to happen eventually./
/Gee, thanks brain, now shut up. You picked a terrible time to show up./
/Fine, don't ask for any more help from me./
After that short little conversation with my own brain, the main lights in the room click on and I can see the room properly...
/OH DEAR GOD, IT'S A MAD SCIENTIST'S LAB!/
Jars full of fluid, Tesla coils, big machines that I don't know the function of, spare labcoats, these things and more are just lying around... and I'm a head in a jar right smack in the middle of it. My small panic attack is interrupted by the door opening.
“Ah, it's good to see you awake for once.” Walking around to the front of the jar was the most stereotypical mad scientist anyone has ever seen. A fifty-year-old white man wearing a white lab coat covered in stains of questionable fluid of varying colors, white hair that frizzed everywhere, thick glasses with magnifiers attached, bright yellow latex gloves, the whole shebang has just walked in.
...and I'm a head, in a jar, in what is presumably his lab. Oh joy.
Giving the man a look which should have killed him, I merely sit and watch. What else can I do, I'm a head in a jar, has that gotten through to you yet? Back to the scientist.
Grinning, he introduces himself in a rapid-fire, scatterbrained fashion. “I doubt you care, boy, but my name is Zachariah Eustace Frederickson, and I am the man who has made you a new body. You may call me Zach. Confused? You should be. You were clinically dead for a good three hours, so I just hope you don't have brain damage. That would throw the entire experiment out of the window. Anything for science, I suppose...” From the words 'new body' I was starting to get scared. I've always fantasized a little bit about having a body that was a little more... unique... than the typical human form -what gamer hasn't done so?- but I had a gut feeling this would be more than just a few minor tweaks.
With a movement so quick that I get nauseous without a stomach, Zach plucks my jar off of the table and hauls me out of the automatic door that whirrs open as he approaches, whistling merrily, yet tunelessly. While he is carrying me to his destination, I have the time to ponder a few things. And panic.
/First, didn't Discord say he was essentially ripping my soul out and throwing it somewhere else? I'm pretty sure I'm still on Earth. It's the only place that I know of where humans exist, after all. Second, what will this 'new body' look like? I'm genuinely curious, and more than a little bit scared. After all, I won't be human anymore... or will I? That'd be just ironic, to lose the body I'm comfortable with only to get shoved into a new one that's pretty much the same. Third, why would Discord do this on a whim? Very few beings of his stature would do such a thing out of the kindness of their hearts. There's always an ulterior motive. Fourth, why did that thief have to rob my house before I had time to get my sandwich?/
Zach rounds a corner and the squeaky clean corridor he was carrying me down transitions into a rickety metal walkway over a huge chasm, in what seems to be a large underground cavern over a lake. The walkway terminates in a large circular platform, the supports of which extend far below into the depths. The platform is lit by a large circular fluorescent light mounted above a large object of some sort, covered in a white sheet, as well as a cart, whose contents would be revealed shortly. Zach slowly grows silent as we approach. He sets me down on a table next to the large covered object and wipes my jar clear of condensation. I guess living in a large cave lair tends to be rather damp.
Zach whips the cover off of the tray, revealing various scalpels, saws, and other miscellaneous medical equipment of dubious purpose. If I had a body to shudder... Whatever Zach's planning to do with my head, I'm sure it will not remain whole for the duration. Zach pulls something out of one of the many pockets of his lab coat and plugs it into the side of the jar. I feel a sting, and...
/...Why do I feel tired all of a sudden? And why do I have the urge to blow bubbles?/ Zach unscrews the top of the jar and pulls me out as the world fades to black. /At least it's dark now... good night.../
Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
Again, I don't own My Little Pony.
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Cage in a hidden underground laboratory
A behemoth of a creature, muscled to an almost insane degree, opens its green, orange-speckled eyes and takes in what view it can before slowly attempting to sit up from its position on its stomach. It succeeds in getting onto all fours and takes a good long look at what it can see of itself, somehow not having a mental breakdown.
A hunched-over, monstrous build, designed for walking on all fours or bipedally, with an overabundance of muscle in the upper body. Most of this weight is supported on the forelegs/arms, and the small amount of weight relegated to the stocky rear legs can also be supported by the thick tail protruding from its rear. Most of the body is covered in large plates reminiscent of samurai armor from feudal Japan, mainly across the back and arms, with the forearm plates being especially thick, almost to the point of being used as destructive weapons. What is not covered in the plates is instead covered in a thick, scaly hide, mottled greyish-green with hints of blue here and there between the plates. The “hands” are little more than thick, curved claws, most likely used for gripping, climbing, and tearing, and as such are rather stiff. The rear feet are five-toed, flexible, and reptilian in nature, similar to long-extinct carnivorous dinosaurs, yet unique in the fact that the majority of the toes point backwards, and the forward pair of toes are thicker, suitable for climbing.
The creature slowly fumbles to some standing water in the corner of the cage that is glinting in the dim, flickering lights of the filth-encrusted lab, to see if it can get a good look at its visage. Rearing back in surprise, and more than a little shock, it leans in again for a closer look at the insectoid mandibles upon the tapered, plated face that, upon testing, are rather flexible and dextrous. The teeth in the mouth behind the mandibles are thin, almost needle-like, alternated with molars clearly designed for grinding apart vegetation. All in all, desgined to eat almost anything organic, despite the odd orientation.
Leaning its sizable bulk further forward to get a good look behind the small ears that have been swiveling madly, searching for anomalous sounds, the beast sees the pattern of the plates upon its back, along with the large, narrow triangular spines that, upon further inspection, can be made to lay flat alongside the natural armor upon its back with a twitch of unfamiliar muscle.
Satisfied with its inspection of itself and the cage embedded in the wall, almost lost among the various scientific paraphernalia in the room, the creature walks up to the bars and sits down as best it can, appearing to ponder something...
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/Still can't believe I'm practically a mutant goddamn armadillo... Screw this cage, I'm not a damned animal... at least, not in mind./
Getting up to all fours and pacing around, I wonder how to get out of here. The rhythmic thuds of my front claws on the floor bring me to a conclusion, one so obvious I nearly slap myself in the face from the sheer simplicity.
I swing my arm like I'm going to clothesline someone, but instead hit the bars with a loud, metallic clang, barely felt in my heavily armored forearm, but leaving a sizable dent in the bars. I swing again, backhand this time, connecting with another loud clang, breaking a couple bars loose from the top of the cage.
/One last swing should do it!/ And indeed it does, breaking enough bars loose from the roof that I can use my weight to bend them down to the floor. /Now what? Where do I go? What do I do with this new freedom?/
Breathe in a lot of dust and sneeze several times, of course. After I cleared my snout and sniffed a couple times, I took a quick look around and wonder, /Why is this place empty? Where's the mad scientist that put me in this body? Oh hey, look, there's the door!/ Awkwardly rushing over to it, as I'm not quite used to my new body, I smash it down and proceed through. Now I'm on a thin metallic walkway that protests under my weight, bolted to a cavern wall, suspended over a lake.. /Note to self: get off this walkway and don't lean on the railings. How much do I freaking weigh? I must be close to 500 pounds or something and eight feet tall, walkways like this are supposed to be able to support several dozen humans at any given time... Then again, I'm not human. But I'm getting off track. Order of business? One, gee-tee-eff-oh. Two, get food. Three, find something to do. Four, ????. Five: Profit./
Easing my way along the rickety walkway to the left, I go around the corner and find a ladder, leading up to what looks like a trapdoor.. /Crap, this is gonna be tricky./
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A few minutes later...
Finally, I've reached the top. Removing one claw from the rock wall that I've smashed it into to make my impromptu climb, I set my rear feet on one rung of the ladder, roar for no reason, punch the trapdoor loose, and haul myself through... Into a field suddenly being soaked by rain.
/What. The. Hell./ I turn to climb back down into the dry cave only to find the opening I came through has vanished. /See, this is why I don't trust scientists anymore. I got made into an abomination that looks like a mutant armadillo by one, and screwed over by another that makes interdimensional trapdoors. Then again, it might have been the same one... or Discord. He sounds like the type that would do this./
Looking around through the mist caused by all the rain, I see a forest in the distance, with a mountain just beyond it with something big and shiny on it. /That's one big shiny thing, for me to be able to see it from here, through all of this weather./ I start on my great journey to the nearby forest to see what's on the other side, and maybe to find some food.
THUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDthudthudthudthudthudthudthud....
From the recently vacated rain-soaked field, haunting, evil laughter echoes, as if from a cave....
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Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
What happens when you give a drugged monster to a purple unicorn?
Disclaimer's already been typed three or four times, do I really need to restate that I don't own the show or anything affiliated with it? All I own is this storyline and Jack/Mundo.
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Ah, morning. I love the morning, especially Tuesday mornings, like this one. So peaceful compared to the afternoon rush of people/ponies rushing home. It also helps that bakers are usually up early and delicious smells are wafting throughout a large area near the shops where they work.
I'd decided not to empty the box of pastries just to sate my enormous appetite, as Scoots will need to eat later when she gets home from school. I squeeze through the door and try to remember what my little orange friend had said before she left for school...
Don't go into the Everfree Forest, you may be big, but there are bigger things out there.
/I doubt there could be much bigger than me out there, but I'll take her word for it. She's the natural citizen of Equestria here, not me./
Even though I'm probably the biggest creature to actually live in this town, quietly trundling my way through the alleys and keeping out of sight was surprisingly easy this early in the morning. Ponies don't seem to be morning creatures, except for a select few, like that purple librarian Scoots told me about. I could be here for an hour talking about what Scoots told me, but I'll just get to the point and say that she told me what I'd most likely be able to do today, what places I should avoid, yadda yadda yadda, so on and so forth. Anyway, I take the time to haul myself up the nearest sturdy building as quietly as I possibly can and tried to spot the roof of the pastry shop called Sugarcube Corner, where I'd been yesterday. Supposedly a pink pony aptly named Pinkie Pie would be there, and I could knock on the back door to get her to say hi.
I dropped back down with a muffled thud and head in the general direction of the gingerbread building that I dropped Scoots and her friends off at yesterday. Luckily, it isn't that far from Scoot's place, from what I saw.
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Crickrak!
/Note to self, you have a tail. Be careful where you swish it. You might just accidentally break something, like that window shutter. Now then, where's that bakery? I can smell it, it's close.... hey, there it is! And this is the back side, too./ Time to introduce myself as best I can, I guess. Just gotta be careful with the door....
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knock knock
“Coming!” the ever-cheerful pink party pony called from where she was mixing more dough for some cookies. Zipping over to the door, she opened it and immediately started her greeting.
“HiI'mPinkiePieandIworkherewhatisyour...name....” Pinkie trails off, noticing the large, possibly hungry animal standing before her.
“Um.... I'll be right back...” Pinkie finished, as she slowly closed the door.
Only to promptly zip out to the main counter to let the Cakes know she has to go tell her friend something really fast, then zip off again to the library.
...only to zip back again about two minutes later, while her employers were still blinking at her sudden disappearance, and disappear into the kitchen again.
Shrugging it off as Pinkie being Pinkie, the Cakes continue working the counter, preparing for the breakfast rush.
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Twilight was busy revising a new spell matrix that could improve magical energy efficiency by ten percent when Pinkie bursts in, knocking over Spike, who had been carrying a sizable pile of reference materials to be reshelved, and thus burying him in them. Twilight facehooves and says, “Pinkie, what's the problem this time?”
The excited pink pony replies as fast as she possibly can, she is just that excited. “Rememberthatbiganimalfromyesterdayitwasatthebackdoorandyoutoldmetotellyouifitshowedupagain!”
Twilight blinks, and takes a moment to digest the information (and dig Spike out). “Well Pinkie, I'm going to need samples, and I doubt it will give them willingly.” Walking over to a small box, the librarian opened it with a twist of her magic and pulls out a small blue pill. Passing the pill over to Pinkie, Twilight explains. “It's a tranquilizer, supposedly powerful enough to knock out even fully grown dragons in a minute or so. Fluttershy gave me a few of these for when Spike has another greed growth spurt or I have a panic attack. It's perfectly safe. Put it into a pastry and feed it to the animal, and I'll be there as quickly as I can.”
Nodding quickly, Pinkie puts the small pill into her mane and zips off again after thanking her purple friend.
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And now we return to our regularly scheduled dose of Mundo!
Pinkie pops out of the door again and sets down a small plate of assorted pastries. Small for me, anyway, it's probably the biggest plate they had. Not wanting to be rude, I wait until the door had fully shut before I start eating. The pastries were small enough that I could swallow them whole without any problems. /They're pretty filling, so I think I'll take a short nap while they settle, then go find some food besides pastries, can't live entirely off of sugary treats and all... that..../
THWACK
-snore-
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some time later
I blearily wake up and crack my eyes open to see a purple pony taking snot out of my nose with what looks like a cloud of light -probably magic or something- and sealing it in a small vial. A small purple lizard with a bright green crest leans into view and squints at me.
/There's something you don't see every day, I guess./
“Twilight....” Spike begins.
“Not now, Spike, I'm busy taking samples.”
“No, seriously-” Spike tries again.
“Spike. Not now. Busy.” Twilight interrupts him again, peering into my ears. I decide to make what would be considered a funny to my sleep-addled mind by lazily reaching up and knocking this “Twilight” over. She tips off of the seat she's been using to help her reach higher with a shriek, waking me up a little better.
“Twilight, it's awake.” Spike deadpans. Twilight huffs and gets back onto her hooves.
“Thank you Spike. Make sure the rope around his muzzle is secure, would you? We don't want him trying to bite us.” Twilight has gotten up again and is checking other ropes, from what I can hear. I can't exactly turn my head, it feels like there's a chain holding down my neck. I could probably snap it but knowing chains and ropes, the end will probably flick out and break something or someone. The lavender pony levitates my arm back into place next to me -almost effortlessly, I notice, despite it being nearly twice her size- and secures the rope once again. Well, since I seem to be tied down and somewhat awake again, time to take stock of my surroundings.
/Let's see, I'm laying on my stomach, indoors in a basement of some sort, bound to a low, solidly built wooden cart or table that's groaning slightly under my weight. There's a folded blanket under my chin, to keep me semi-comfortable, I guess. My muzzle is bound lightly, just enough to open my mouth slightly and possibly allow food and drink in, but at the same time disallow biting. Everything behind my head is secured with decently sized rope, about as thick as one of my claws, except for a chain around my neck, secured to the cart at both ends, and my tail. No match for my strength, I'm sure. My tail is hanging off the back end of the table and dragging slightly on the floor, and I can swish it somewhat. My spines can still be moved and flicked about freely. The room I'm in is clean, almost sterile, and there are various other tables with unknown devices and tools, some covered, some not, with some well-polished roots dangling from the ceiling, but not so low that they interfere with Twilight's work. Oh, and I can hear a kettle whistling upstairs./
“Spike, would you go finish up the tea, and send that letter, please?” At Twilight's request, Spike dashes up the stairs to go do her bidding. I continue looking around the room and waiting for Twilight to do something interesting. She does, in the form of a thermometer between my teeth, which she takes a moment to examine.
“Odd sort of teeth, I have never seen this pattern before...” /You and me both, Twilight./ Pulling the thermometer out of my mouth, she examines the liquid inside and turns away to write down something on a nearby clipboard. I slip my insectoid mandibles -I should start using them more often, they seem to be pretty flexible- under the rope while she's busy and pop it loose, laying them still again when she turns back.
Noticing that the ropes were loose, she quickly resecures them, muttering about how Spike doesn't double check as often as he should. Said dragon came back downstairs with another pony in tow, a blue one with wings, along with a rainbow mane and tail.
The pony starts talking before she's fully in view. “Hey Twi, I heard you have a new spesif- speni-” -she sighs here- “animal in your basement, shouldn't you leave the animals to Flutter-” She cuts herself off upon seeing me on the table. A concerned look appears on her face, and it doesn't seem to fit her for some reason. “Twi, are you sure those ropes are thick enough?” Twilight nods an affirmative.
I decide to prove her wrong as Twilight walks a safe enough distance away from me so that the ropes and chain won't hurt her or anyone else in the room. One flex of my back later and...
Snapcracktingtingcrackcrackwhackping!
/Ta-da! Near-instant freedom./ I ease myself off the table and shift the shell-shocked rainbow-maned pony aside, closer to Twilight and Spike, and heave myself awkwardly up the stairs, trying not to leave claw marks. I squeeze through the door at the top, just barely big enough to fit me lying on my side, and cross the library I found myself in, to what I assume is the front door and open it...
Only to see a butter-colored pony with wings and a long pink mane standing there, hoof raised to knock. With an “eep!” from said pony, I carefully shift her into the library and set her /Just how am I telling these ponies' genders so easily anyway? It's weird./ on the couch, before carefully edging myself out the front door. Oh hey, apparently these ponies work fast, the busted cobbles I left behind yesterday after my short flight are already repaired and/or replaced.
Only while I'm looking downwards do I discover the chain that was 'holding' my neck down is still there, seems the busted ends fused together somehow. /Looks nifty, I think I'll keep it. Back homeward then, I guess. It's going to be dark within a few hours, and I've had enough shenanigans for one day./
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Twilight and Rainbow Dash were still in shock. Spike recovered quickly enough to hear the front door shut and turned to snap the ponies out of their stupor.
“Twilight, your books are burning!” Spike called into her ear. Twilight jumps and starts dashing upstairs to check, but got stopped by Spike. “Just kidding!” Twilight sighs in aggravation.
“Spike, please don't say that again unless they're actually burning,” she said wearily. Spike merely shrugs and walks over to Rainbow Dash, whispering into her ear,
“Wake up, the Wonderbolts are here,” causing the multichromatically-maned mare to leap into the air and start hovering, shouting “What?! Where?!”
Spike doubles over laughing and gasping for air as Rainbow Dash turned a light shade of red in embarrassment. Twilight went upstairs to get a calming mug of tea after all the excitement, only to trot back downstairs and say, “Did either of you let Fluttershy in?”
Glancing at each other, Spike and Rainbow Dash shake their heads in unison, before turning and heading up the stairs after Twilight.
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/Blegh, I'm tired... Can't sleep for whatever reason, I normally fall asleep fast when laying on my stomach./ Probably that nap I had earlier, that and it's only about four in the afternoon.
ACHOO!
-grehk-KAHbzrrrt-
/Well, snap. Apparently I can burp up expanding balls of condensed electricity./ Why this didn't happen in the lab after that sneezefest I'll never know.
/At least I have something to do now, while waiting for Scoots to get home./
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-grehk-KAH!....bzzrrrt!-
/Note to self, use this crap in self-defense or only when REALLY angry./
I'm just outside the Everfree Forest, practicing with my new ability. The balls of energy that I can spray out buzz like you'd expect electricity to. Here's what I found out during the first twenty minutes of fiddling around with them:
/One, these things are like firing explosives around, but without the scorch marks. Two, I seem to be highly resistant to the expanding energy, both the electrical charge and the force produced by the expansion. Three, these would probably send small creatures flying, so don't use them on ponies unless necessary./
/Why am I monologuing to myself again? Oh yeah, so I can remember these things better. I memorize some things better when I do that, for whatever reason./
-yawn-
/Well, there's the organic sleep alarm. Time for bed, the sun's setting anyway./
-thwipcrunch-
/Snap, Scoots is not going to be happy about that. I should probably find a replacement table as soon as I can..../
Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
Taking Things for Granted
Disclaimer: I don't own MLP:FiM, I don't own the ponies, I wish I did. But I don't. All I own is Mundo, and the storyline, and I'm not sure about the latter, I'm not a lawyer.... Also, I tend to switch between past and present tenses when writing, purely by accident, sorry if that bothers you.
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/Guess what day it is? Guess what day it is.... it's Hump Day! Woop woop! Otherwise known as Wednesday. Scoots has school again, I'll probably get into some mischief, and the residents of Ponyville will go about their business as usual. Until I can find a cabbage cart. Oh the fun that will be had then! -evil laugh-/
Morning monologue- one of the earliest signs of an empty stomach, at least to me. /Time to go find something a little healthier than pastries that are going stale./ Going with my first coherent thought, cabbage, or any other vegetable/fruit I can. Problem is, there seem to be a lot of ponies about today, and so early in the morning, too. Why?
I squeeze out of the house through the back door as quietly as I can, checking for any ponies within sight. I can't see any on the ground, guess the coast is -WHACK - clear. /Guess not./
Reaching around, I peel the stunned gray pegasus pony off of my left shoulder and carefully set her /Seriously, how the hell am I doing this?/ on a patch of grass next to the cobbles, then proceed on my way on my quest for veggies, not even questioning why the dazed pony was mumbling about muffins.
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a few hours or so later, sometime about noonish?
/Note to self- don't take the fact that only ninety percent or so of ponies are scared of me for granted anymore. You'll end up running around town, with a large bucket full of apples hanging from your teeth, a bright orange earth pony hanging onto a rope around your neck trying to slow you down and a rainbow-maned pegasus pony divebombing you in hopes of disorienting you at worst, knocking you over at best-/
-crack-BOOM-scrrrrrrrrrrrreeee-
“Graaagh!” /I have got to stop monologuing, it seems to get me in trouble./ That, and I've fallen over and instantly gotten tied up -arms tight against my sides- and muzzled by the orange pony, with rope as thick as last time. I would probably attempt to break it, as that is my usual tactic, but it glows when I try. /Probably magically strengthened or something, I dunno./ The orange cowpony has asked her rainbow-maned friend to go get Twilight and the others. /Probably to help haul me across town. I doubt just two ponies could haul me./
Speaking of others, after the dust from my fall settled, the ponies that ran and hid in their homes and shops when I came dashing through are just now starting to poke their heads out, and one of them pulls out a giant airhorn and pulls the trigger, sounding the all-clear, followed by cheers from the townsponies as Twilight, Rainbow Dash, the butter-colored pegasus from yesterday, who is looking distinctly less frozen in fear, Twilight's assistant/slave Spike, an extremely clean-looking white-coated, purple-maned pony, and lastly Pinkie Pie come around the corner, spot Applejack next to me, and trot/fly/hop over. The cheers don't decrease in volume, as a matter of fact, they get even louder as the small group loads me onto a low wooden cart that Pinkie pulls from inside a nearby bush.
Fluttershy -as I found out her name was called shortly after- shyly hops up on the cart beside me and is obscured from most of the crowd by my bulk, Rainbow Dash is scooping up the spilled bucket of apples I dropped when I fell, Pinkie is hopping in small circles talking nonstop, and Applejack is making sure the ropes are secure. I just fold my ears back as the crowd starts growing almost unbearably loud. Twilight's horn starts glowing, and I start struggling. Twilight stops for a moment and asks Fluttershy to make sure I don't struggle much, as it could throw off the teleport and scramble us all. Hearing this, I stop moving around before Twilight begins charging again, then before I can blink we're in the bookworm's basement/laboratory again, complete with flash of light and magical noises. After a moment, Spike pipes up, “Well, what happens now?”
Twilight facehooves and replies, “I'm going finish the last few tests I've devised on Mundo, as Scootaloo calls him. I'm just glad you found out from Applebloom that Scootaloo had a pet monster. Who knows what would have happened if he'd been running around loose for longer?”
/HOLD THE GODDAMN PHONE. Scoots sold me out?/ Indirectly, I know, but it still hurts. Also, I'm still hungry. Everypony looks around for the grumbling noise, courtesy of my stomach, until they settle their eyes on me. Cue slight panic from Twilight.
“Oh no no no no no no no-” /Can I call 'em or what?/ “-we don't know what he eats!”
“Well, Ah'd say find out, Twi.” Applejack speaking, common sense ahoy!
“Um, excuse me....” Fluttershy. Accidentally ignored by everyone besides me because she's really quiet. Her name definitely fits her.
“IhavetogobacktohelptheCakeswiththelunchrushbye!” Pinkie zipping up the stairs, followed by the front door slamming.
“Well, just look at those horrid teeth!” Fancy pony with a fancy tone. Also with a touch of common sense. All of them take another look at me currently trying to push the slightly overtightened muzzle off with my tongue. What? It's pressing too hard on my nostrils. Twilight pulls the muzzle off the rest of the way with her magic and steps back, motioning for everypony to do the same. Taking a guess at what she wants to do, I clamp my mouth shut as tightly as I can. Then, when Twilight tries to pry my mouth open to get a better look at my teeth again, she can't.
Fluttershy tries again, this time getting attention from the others. “Um, he was trying to carry off a bucket of apples... maybe he eats those?” receiving nods and murmurs of agreement from the others, before Pinkie pulls out the bucket of apples from earlier /Where did she pull that from? I thought Rainbow Dash had them.../ and passes it to Fluttershy, who speaks up once again. “Open up, please.” I don't comply, and she slowly places an apple in front of my nose, which would be out of reach for most creatures without insect mandibles. In a rapid movement, I open my mouth, flick the mandibles out and the apple in, hide the mandibles, and start chewing. The ponies (and Spike) are still blinking in astonishment and wondering what has just happened as I swallow the fruit, core and all.
Spike deadpans, “Dash, I think you're beaten for speed.” Rainbow Dash glares daggers at Spike, who cowers while Twilight lights up her horn again. Fluttershy simply places another apple in front of my nose. Right as my traitorous stomach made me flick my mandibles out, Twilight's horn flashes and I am frozen in place, mandibles barely piercing the apple's peel and jaw wide open. Ever been frozen in place while everyone stares at you in shock? Yeah. Like you're a little kid who's accidentally spilled your orange drink on the bride's dress at a wedding. Except I wasn't frozen due to terror.
Twilight whips out a quill and parchment, and began taking notes and drawing diagrams at a very fast speed. Rarity, Rainbow, and Fluttershy took this as a cue to leave, still somewhat shocked at the speed I could move at. Twilight's spell fades as Fluttershy went upstairs after placing the apple bucket next to the lowest step, and I flick my second apple of the day into my mouth and begin chewing.
A few minutes later, Twilight is still writing, Spike was starting to get bored, and I was still hungrily gazing at the apples, cursing my body's instincts. Spike was looking between Twilight and the bucket, then he seems to make a decision. He quietly walks over, picks out an apple, and comes up to set it on the table, quickly pulling his hand back in case he got snagged by the mandibles. I wait until he is out of reach, then slowly grab the apple and eat it. Spike gets a mischievous gleam in his eye, and tosses another apple at me. I catch that one that one and devour it as well. Spike starts tossing more apples at me, slowly at first, then faster, and I catch them every time, causing the little dragon's grin to grow larger each time. Hunger is a powerful motivator sometimes, and we both get what we want from this little shenanigan- Spike gets entertained, and I get food. After the last apple was tossed and eaten, Spike sets the bucket upside down and sits on it, bored again, and I'm still hungry. Running around town tends to do that. Twilight just happens to finish writing whatever it was she's been writing during our little escapade, and turns back to me... with a contemplative look on her face. /Not good. Not good at all./
The lavender menace claps a helmet/modified colander onto my head out of nowhere /Seriously, do these ponies have hammerspace or something?/ and connects it to some sort of machine on the next table over, using some cable that had been neatly coiled next to it. Spike takes this moment to ask, “Twilight, what are you doing?”
Twilight replies, “Just think for a moment, Spike. We have a newly-discovered species in Equestria, and we know hardly anything about it! Just think of the discoveries to be made, Spike!”
Seeing the annoyed look on my face, Spike begins, “But you could probably just ask-” Twilight shushes him.
“We need scientific proof, Spike. Not based on a hunch.” Spike sighs. I show my growing irritation at being tied up by jerking my head and tip the machine over with a bang and the sound of shattering glass, and it starts smoking from where the cables had pulled loose. /Let's see her use it now./
“Now can we just ask him if he's smart?” Spike says with a small smirk. Now it was Twilight's turn to sigh.
“No, Spike, we can't. That machine was the only way I could get solid scientific data about him.” I grumble and start pulling at the ropes again, and the table starts creaking quietly under the strain, unnoticed by Spike or Twilight, who was frantically trying -and failing- to return the machine on the table to a workable state for her tests. I pull again and the table cracks loudly, causing Spike and Twilight to jump, then turn their heads slowly toward me.
“Oh no/snap!” They say simultaneously. I give one last mighty heave of frustration, forcing the ropes to loosen and finish converting the table to a small pile of kindling, leaving me lying winded and angry on the ground. As I'm trying to get up and out of the ropes, Twilight grabs Spike in her magical aura, all but flings him onto her back and gallops upstairs, slamming the door and bolting it, and as I finish standing up, the door glows a faint purple before fading. I take a step forward, only to trip over the ropes still loosely wrapped about me. I growl and try to pull them off, to no avail. /Stupid claws!/ I thrash around in anger, crushing the machine, the table, and probably scaring the hell out of Twilight and Spike upstairs. The ropes finally slip off and I start trying to rip them apart, only succeeding after using my teeth to shred them. By the way, I don't advise doing that in real life, well-worn ropes taste nasty.
I climb up the stairs and open the door- forgetting for a moment that Twilight bolted it. I howl in rage and start trying to beat the door down, roaring with each fury-powered strike against the glowing door.
/I / -BOOM- /WANT/ -BOOM- /OUT!! / -BOOM-
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“Hurry, Twilight, I think he's angrier than the door can keep in!” -BOOM-
“I'm trying!” -BOOM-
Twilight was hurriedly scribbling a short message to Princess Celestia, warning her about the large beast that they had captured and were studying, that had escaped, and was only contained by a magically strengthened, locked door in the library, which they doubted would hold long. Twilight finished her note and quickly handed it to Spike, who rolled it up and sent it to the princess with dragonfire. Spike asked, “What do we do now, Twilight?” -BOOM-
“I can answer that, my draconic friend.” Suddenly, Discord, moonwalking across the ceiling. Spike leaps behind a pile of adventure novels, and the unicorn sighs. -BOOM-
“What do you want, Discord?” Discord laughs. -BOOM-
“I'm here to rein in my creation, of course. Seeing as you made him angry.” Twilight blinks and takes a step back. Behind the door, Mundo roars and continues punching. -BOOM-
“What do you mean, your creation?” The draconequus just laughs again. -BOOM-
“Haven't you noticed how... chaotic , he is?” Twilight facehooves and shrieks,
“He wrecked half a building, scared most of the townsponies, threw a cabbage cart across town, ran my friends and I ragged chasing him down and is destroying the basement as we speak! Yes, I have noticed!! ” the aggravated Element of Magic's mane needs a brush by this point, it has feathered out everywhere. Suddenly, the sound of large bone-plated arms and skull beating against the door halts. Everypony present turns to look at the door.
-Grehk-KAHzzt!-
The door suddenly goes flying off the hinges and is caught by Discord, who has a bemused look on his face. The great armored beast comes flying out straight at the frozen Twilight, claws extended and jaws open in a bellow of rage!
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/Screw peaceful, this pony had me tied down!/
“Raaaaaaa-” -WHANG- “-rrgh....” I slam headfirst into a door that appears out of nowhere, and slide to the floor, stunned, anger already starting to cool. Only then do I notice Discord hovering there, talon outstretched and holding the door I'd blown clean off of its hinges.
“Hello my monstrous friend,” He says. I stare blankly at him. /Why is he here? / Seeing my expression, Discord sets the door aside and continues. “You seem to be rather irked. What's the problem?” I shake my head and point at Twilight. The part of my brain still raging hot, but rapidly cooling, is screaming at me to smash her into powder. The chaotic being sighs. “You know, that tells me nothing...”
Spike pops up from behind the books and says, “I don't think Mundo can speak.” before eeping at his courage and hides behind the books again. Discord stares at where the dragon vanished, before turning back to me and settling to the floor, muttering to himself about lousy scientists.
“Well my friend, it seems we need to fix that. Or would you prefer just roaring?” I get to my feet, shaking my head vehemently. I'd like the power of speech back. “Very well then, stand up straight and hold still, this won't hurt a bit!” I freeze in place and wait for him to do his thing. Talon hand glowing a sickly green, Discord shoves it painlessly into the front of my neck, into my throat and he starts rummaging around. I can feel the bits of my windpipe shifting around like water and cornmeal in a plastic bag. After some more shuffling about, his talon, still glowing, slides smoothly out of my neck, holding a rubber chicken. He looks at it with a bemused look on his face, then tosses it aside and says, “Speak, Mundo.”
I look at him and say “Bark, bark.” Blinking, I realize that my voice isn't the same as it was when I was human -not that I expected it to- but it's actually about as deep and gravelly as you'd expect from a being my size. I look at the draconequus and nod in thanks.
“Oh joy, he's still sarcastic as can be! Adios, everypony!” Laughing gleefully, Discord bows and vanishes in a puff of smoke.
Looking at the exhausted Twilight, I say “I think I'm just going to go. Thanks for the apples, Spike.” Spike nods in acknowledgment as I squeeze out the door, and the stressed lavender unicorn only sighs, not for the last time that day.
Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
Love and Tolerate, my Armored Rear!
Another update?! I'm on a roll!... yes, I know. Bad pun. Armadillos roll, y'know?
Disclaimer: Do I even need to say it? Fine, fine..... I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any characters contained within this story except for Mundo.
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I'm laying on my side under a tree at the edge of Ponyville, roughly a week after the last major fiasco, trying to take a nap. Keyword: trying.
-poke poke-
About an hour after I got there, some brave/stupid colt wanted to prove to his buddies that he was awesome, so he's trying to rile me up by poking me in the belly, with his friends watching. Yes, I tried talking to them, but it turns out that Discord's magic didn't last long. You'd think that a nearly-omnipotent being would be able to make a spell stick, right? Guess not.
-poke poke-
/It's not going to work, buddy, go somewhere else./
-poke poke-
/Seriously, go away./
-poke-
/Don't make me eat you./
-pokepokepokepokepokepoke-
/Alright, that's it./ He's moved up my body to poke me in the head with his hoof. Big mistake. I roll over and trap him under my arm while still feigning sleep. His buddies start laughing at his misfortune and come over to try and pull him out. I lift up my head a little bit and open my eyes, the act itself not enough to reveal to the trapped pony that I'm awake, and hold a claw up to my mouth, signaling them to be quiet. Wide-eyed, they nod and back up a little. I quickly lean up all the way to quickly snatch up the pony, belch in his face, then set him down and push him towards his buddies, who by this point are rolling on the ground looking like they're going to bust a gut laughing. The gassed pony staggers drunkenly towards his buddies, just making them laugh harder. I wave them off and attempt to go back to sleep.
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a few hours later, probably about noonish
-poke poke-
/If that pony's back, I'm going to eat him, I swear I will!/
I lean up and who do I see poking me in the side this time? A random unicorn with a dual-toned, electric-blue, messy mane/tail combo with a white coat and musical note cutie mark. I yawn and sit up, slowly so as not to scare her. I shouldn't have bothered. She doesn't look the type to scare easily.
“Hey big dude, could ya give me a hoof with moving my kit and breaking in some new gear? The name's Scratch, Vinyl Scratch but you can call me DJ P0N-3.” I look where Vinyl is now pointing and see what looks to be a large pair of speakers, just sitting in a cart with some various other, smaller speakers and a turntable, as well as a lot of wires in a box.. Grunting, I heave myself to my feet and nod. Vinyl grins and motions to the cart. “Great! Come on, those Wubmaster 5k's won't move themselves.”
/So much for my nap. Wait, where am I going to have to pull these?/
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/Why did I ask that stupid, STUPID question..../ Just for the record, the answer was “Across town”, yet somehow Vinyl picked a route that had very few ponies strolling about. Vinyl also looks like she's dying to ask some questions.
“So what's a big monster like you doing in a town full of ponies?” she asks. /Damn, I'm good./ I realize she's waiting on an answer, so I shrug. “Aren't most of them scared of you?” she presses on. I nod. “So why hang around here?” I shrug again. Vinyl sighs and says “You don't say much, do ya?” “Grarr.” I make my current inability to talk clear. Discord, why didn't your magic stick? That's bothering me more than anything right now.
“Oh, I'll bet that's fun. Not being able to talk, I mean. I once cast a spell on my friend Octavia to help out her sore throat, and instead she couldn't talk for-” I start tuning her unintentional Pinkie Pie impression out at this point and just watching where she's leading me. Looking ahead, I see the library.
Wait, the library? /Not good, not good, not good.... Ditching pony in 3, 2..../
“What's wrong, dude?” My concern must be showing on my face. I point at the library and growl. Vinyl looks where I'm pointing. “Don't like books?” I faceclaw and make a small pinching motion, as if to say 'think smaller.' “Don't like librarians?” I shake my head and pinch again. “Just this librarian in particular?” I nod. “Geez dude, I know she's a bookworm but you don't have to dislike her for it.” I give her a glare, then tug at the chain that's still around my neck from the FIRST time she had me down in that infernal lab of hers. “...was she experimenting on you or something?” She's awfully chill about this, but I still need to correct her. I hold my claws out, then bring them close together, trying to get the message across that 'she was this close to doing that.' I don't like having to play charades to talk, it's annoying. “I'm sorry dude, not much I can do about that. I mean, come on, she's crazy about learning. At least you're out now, though, right?” I sigh and nod. Yes, I'm free... for now. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before that crazy pony replaces the table with something sturdier, and/or enchants it, and I'll be sunk when that happens.
She'll have to get hold of me first, though, and I'll be fighting every inch of the damn way. I really, really, REALLY don't like being held or tied down. I have to have my freedom of movement or I start getting angry, and I get violent when I'm angry. Just thinking about it makes my spines stand up!
“Dude? Are those supposed to be sparking like that?” Vinyl's nervously shying away from me, looking slightly behind me, at my.... spines? I turn to look at them and get another new surprise.
/I don't think those are supposed to be sparking like that, but then again, I don't even know this body that well, and I'm LIVING in it!/
My spines are sparking and arcing electricity to and from each other. I don't know how I didn't notice the crackling before, but it's actually rather loud. It's not an annoying noise, but for some reason, it's actually rather soothing. I blink and take another look at Vinyl. She's not backing away anymore, but I don't think she wants to be close to crackling electricity. I huff an apology and force my spines to lay down again, cutting off whatever is causing them to spark. My new acquaintance looks a little wary at this turn of events, but at least she's not backing away anymore, which is nice. I'd like to be able to have someone to 'talk' to in this crazy world that isn't trying to run away screaming.
“Hey, you coming? My place is literally right there.” Vinyl's continued on the way, and I've been standing here thinking my brain to pieces. I look where she's trotting to and see a house that practically blends in with all the others around here, sitting within a stone's throw of the library.
No, not one of my throws, either. I threw a cart across town (not gonna explain it except for that I was trying to slow down Rainbow Dash, sue me), so I'm pretty sure I could hit Canterlot (heh, pony puns) with a rock the size of a pony's head.
“Dude!” Rambling again. I loop the rope meant for a pony back around a spur on my tail and trundle over to Vinyl. “Okay, nice work, now let's get these bad colts inside. I want to see if they can really go to twelve!” /Inside?/ I turn to look at the door. Another pony-sized door. /Fuck./ My ears droop. /This tiny town's going to be the death of me, I just know it./ I tap Vinyl on the shoulder (or should that be withers? Damned equine terminology) and point at the door. /I don't even think the speakers will fit through that, let alone me!/ She looks again and facehooves, muttering, “Oh, right.” Her horn lights up and the door glows, stretching to my size. /That explains so much on how Twilight got me into the library without damaging anything./ Vinyl opens the door and proceeds inside. I unhook the rope from my tail and carefully lift one of the Wubmasters out of the cart, then follow her into the house.
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Some time later, after sunset
I'm still at Vinyl's pad, we've just finished arranging her gear in her 'work'room (her words, not mine) to her liking, and now she's fiddling around with the turntable, which isn't working for some reason. It's all in one piece, and I didn't drop it, so why isn't it working?
“Aha! Here's the problem!” My messy-maned friend has pulled a small green crystal that has been cut to a rough cylindrical shape out of a compartment I didn't notice before. The crystal's about the size of her hoof and translucent. /If that's not a battery I'm going to eat it./ “The battery's dead. Must have drained it at the end of the last gig....” She looks at me, thinking. /Uh-oh. Please tell me she's got a spare battery somewhere. Whenever a unicorn gets that look on their face it doesn't bode well for me./
“Think you could get those spines of yours sparking again?” /Damnit!/ I raise my spines up and and rattle them a bit. I strain at them, giving just that little bit more push, and..... sparks! Vinyl nods and quickly whips out some jumper cables. /Where are they getting these things?!/ Flaring her horn, she attaches them to the two largest spines on my back, two pairs back. The front pair aren't sparking for some reason, must be because they're almost in contact with my ears. Vinyl then clamps the other ends onto the gem, which begins glowing with an inner radiance. It flashes once, and Vinyl disconnects the cables, putting them aside and returning the now-darkened battery to its slot in the turntable. She then turns to me. “Thanks big dude, you're a real lifesaver.” I just nod and wave goodbye as I prepare to head out, forgetting the doors shrank back to normal hours ago.
-bonk-
Vinyl chuckles, then re-enlarges the door for me. I move into the living room and see that the front door has been enlarged too. I bark as a goodbye and head quietly out into the night... or I would have if I didn't run into a charcoal gray, bat-winged pegasus with glowing yellow cat eyes in purple armor, a spear propped against her side and a whistle on a lanyard around her neck. Her hoof had been raised to knock and I accidentally bowled her over into the convenient bushes next to the door as I came out, her spear landing next to her. I step out, starting to move away from Vinyl's place. She scrambles around in the bush and comes out upright.
“What was that for, you need to watch where you're... going.... aw hay.” The guardspony quickly recovers from her surprise and launches into the air, grabbing her spear and blasting out a shrill whistle, causing me to stop and cover my ears in pain. It doesn't help much.
-FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- /THAT HURTS, STOP IT/
From what I can see through my watering eyes, there are several other batpony guards launching into the air, all armored and all carrying spears or wearing wingblades. Before I can move to escape, I'm quickly surrounded by a ring of spears. As my vision clears, there are bursts of magic as five or six unicorns teleport in and form a circle behind and around their fellow guards, wearing armor similar to the batponies already containing me, but armed with swords instead.
/Not that any of that would go through my armor, but I'd rather not take the chance one would get a lucky shot at my eyes, ears, or nostrils./
One of them, the only one wearing a helmet and carrying a saber instead of a short sword or spear, intones, “Monster, you will come with us or we are authorized to 'persuade' you.” I laugh a little, in that strange 'hrr-ing' way I have now. “Oh, you think this is funny, do you? Zap him.” One of the unicorns fires a charge of magic at me, which strikes my armored shoulder and does nothing. I cross my arms, unimpressed. “Again! Three shots!” One to the unarmored belly, which doesn't even sting, one on the shoulder again, and another hits me in the leg. I yawn.
“Shifting Shadow, aim for the eye please.” Oh no he did not just order that. Before the named batpony even gets his spear within reach of my eye, I snatch it from his grasp and start scratching a particularly itchy spot on my back with it. The helmeted pony, I'm guessing he's their commanding officer, finally goes for my face himself, using his sword. He's also the only earth pony here, I notice now. In one swift movement, I drop the spear, grab him around the middle, and wrench his saber out of his grasp. Stolen blade in claw, I plop the disarmed pony on the ground, hold him down with one foot, and bend his own weapon around his middle like some crazy belt, then toss him headfirst into the ever-present bushes that are scattered about Ponyville. The other guards backed away when their CO got his ass handed to him. I start to walk away, but another voice causes me to halt.
“Hold it right there, monster!” Three more squads like the one who's commander I just wrecked have shown up, with the addition of a more highly-decorated unicorn, wielding a spear. This one's got armor that's more black than bluish-purple, and has a distinctly more commanding voice. I release a gurgling snarl and extend my claws. I really don't want to fight, but if they're going to insist and block the exits...
-CRACK-
/Aw, how cute./ A pegasus just tried to dive-bomb me from behind, hitting the back of my skull. I didn't even feel a thing. Before they can flap away, I reach up and grab them to pin their wings to their sides, before pulling them in front of me so I can get a better look. Rainbow Dash, of course. The guards are looking distinctly more nervous now that I'm holding a civilian. She's struggling and cursing and just generally acting pissed at me, saying that if I hadn't gotten the drop on her she'd have won, even though she technically got the drop on me. I shrug and wind up, before heaving her at the commanding unicorn. He catches her with levitation, but by this time I've had it up to here with these guards. I turn and barrel down the street right at one group, knocking them aside like bowling pins and just generally blasting through like they're not even there. I'm not evil, though, I do my best to make sure not to hurt any of them worse than causing a few bruises on my way out.
The squads not blasted apart quickly re-mobilize, sending pegasi to try and cut me off. I randomly take a left and continue my not-so-grand escape. I spot a large bush next to a building, but before I dive in, I check to make sure I'm not within sight of any of the guards chasing me. None of the bat-winged pegasi guards have risen up above the rooftops yet, so I dive in and start digging into the earth as fast as I can, intending to make a hole big enough for me to drop into, yet somehow not spraying the dirt everywhere.
/If I get out of this and I'm not in chains, I'm going to Canterlot./
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One of the pegasus message runners assigned to the squads drops out of the sky next to Colonel Chill, as he berates the earth pony who tried taking out the monster with just a single squad of ponies.
“-and you'd better hope you get reassigned to KP, Private Twinkletoes, because if you don't I'm going to make sure you're on latrine duty for the next year! What possessed you to attack a clearly superior opponent alone?! This is no time for heroics!” The newly-demoted private cringes and doesn't respond. The messenger takes this lapse in shouting as an opportunity to get Colonel Chill's attention by tapping him on the shoulder. The irate unicorn whips around and says in a deathly calm voice, “What?” The runner sits down and delivers his message.
“Sir, we've lost visual on the creature somewhere around the northern end of town. The beast is proving quite stealthy for its size, and is most likely either hiding or clear out of Ponyville by now.” The colonel facehooves.
“Celestia blast it.... is that all?” The messenger nods. “Dismissed. Go rejoin your squad. Luna only knows how much they need an extra pair of eyes. Remind the unicorns that this thing is highly resistant to combat magic, but scan magic should detect it, even through cover. Spread the word. If we don't find it in the next three hours, assume it has left the area.” The pegasus salutes, then turns and takes off. Colonel Chill sighs and rubs a hoof over his face as another thought comes to him.
“If this thing decides to hit the road, who knows where it will go next?”
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/Whoo! Why didn't I think of digging as a method of travel before?/
Just in case it wasn't clear, thick claws like mine are great for digging. And by digging, I mean tunneling faster than I can walk. My spines are also surprisingly sensitive, I can somewhat feel/hear everything in the dirt in front of and above me, in a large arc, if my spines are brushing the dirt around me. Considering it's darker than night down here I'd say that's damn helpful. I can't tell colors but I can tell shapes... like that guard patrol about eight feet above me and roughly two or three feet left. I know I'm still going towards Canterlot, because I occasionally tunnel up and check the direction of the edge of town while under a bush. I haven't been seen yet but that could easily change if I'm not careful.
Suddenly, I'm illuminated by a bright flash, and the ponies above instantly look down at the cobblestones under their hooves as I pass them.
/Crap, that better not have been the magical equivalent of a scanner./ I get lit up again. /Me and my big mouth./ I start digging as fast as I can, straight out of town. /Time to get the fuck out of Dodge, er, Ponyville./ One of the guards disappears, I'm assuming it was a pegasus, and the rest start following me as well as they can at a full gallop, doing very well even though they can't see me. I get pinged again and this time the glow remains for a second longer than the others before vanishing.
/Okay, you know what? Stop blinding me. I'll come to you instead!/ I start digging straight up, as the ground-bound guards skid to a stop and smack into each other in confusion. /Let's play JAWS. I'm the shark! Duuuuh-dum~/ I burst out of the ground and through the cobbles, sending most of the squad flying and leaving the rest backing away from the flying stones. One of the unicorns was sent flying straight up and I catch her in my mouth, her pristine purple armor denting against my teeth. She turns her head and meets my eye, hers widening in shock and mine narrowing in wicked glee. I land from my impromptu breaching session and start shaking my head back and forth like an alligator, before flinging the my victim into a pegasus that was diving down at me with his spear extended. The pegasus whips his spear up and takes the impact to avoid hurting his fellow guardspony. The moment they collide, the pegasus' momentum reverses and he went flying into a bush with her, leaving them in an, erm, compromising position.
/Wish I had a camera, that would have been great for blackmail./ I start hauling ass again toward the mountain, leaving the disoriented and distracted guards behind, quickly reaching and passing the edge of Ponyville.
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Back at the temporary Ponyville guard HQ
“What do you mean, it only just left town?!”
“That's exactly what I saw, sir. While I was alerting any nearby guards to the beast's location as protocol dictates after the unicorns marked it, it blasted up out of the ground like a shark crossed with a Diamond Dog, grabbed our squad leader, shook her like a dog toy, then flung her into Feather Blade, who was flying to her defense. They both ended up in a nearby bush, tangled up together.” The pegasus was still shaking from the sheer speed and power the monster had displayed.
“Very well then. What intel do we have of the beast so far?” The Colonel was pressing for information, as well as trying to gauge the messenger's ability to use common sense.
“From what I've seen and heard, this monster is large, strong, and well-armored. It doesn't seem to have any magic of its own, or is unwilling to use it, but makes up for it with a wide range of abilities that allow it to strike first or escape quickly, such as detecting even the most subtle noncombat spells used on or near it, such as scan spells, as well as the ability to dig as fast, if not faster, than a Diamond Dog with a sugar rush. Additionally, it shows above-average intelligence, as proven by the guerrilla strikes it has made upon my squad and others.”
“Very good, Private. Anything else?” The unicorn takes a sip of water from his mug, placing it back upon the table in the sparsely-furnished room. The pegasus nods.
“Yes sir. It's headed toward Canterlot.” Colonel Chill's eyes bug out, and....
-PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT-
“WHAT?! Why didn't you say that first?!” The shocked colonel yelled at the now-soaked messenger.
“You didn't ask which way it left town, sir....”
Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
Pardon? That would be nice.
Still chugging along here and enjoying where I'm going with this, even if some people don't.
Disclaimer: I don't own MLP: FiM or any associated characters and locations. All I own is Mundo and the story idea.
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I'm walking toward Canterlot, staying off of the roads and generally avoiding ponies if I see any. I'll have enough encounters with them when I reach my destination. It's slower going through medium brush and forest than it would be on a road, but I'm trying to stay out of sight for now, and besides, it's not much of a hassle to travel through, considering my bulk and armor. If anything, I'd rather be digging my way there, but that would leave a trail unless I dug pretty deep, and I ran into a Diamond Dog tunnel earlier doing that, complete with the dogs themselves. We went on our seperate ways, probably because they were impressed with how I could dig, and me because I wanted to be on my way. I stopped digging after that because they looked annoyed at their brand new me-sized air vent.
Speaking of which, if you're reading this, you're probably wondering why I'm going to Canterlot, the pony capital of Equestria. My answer? No, it's not totally random and off-the-wall. Something's calling me there, and the call gets stronger every step of the way. /I don't know what's calling me, but I consciously felt it as I left Ponyville, and I must answer in any way I can...
Even if it means carving off my own armor when I get there./ The call is that compulsive.
The small copse of trees I've been traveling through gives way to the base of the mountain. I don't see any roads nearby, so I leap at the mountain, dig my claws in, and begin to climb the roughly thousand feet to my goal. Roughly three hundred feet up, my first obstacle comes and goes in a rush of wind.
-fwoosh- /What was that, a pegasus?/ I ignore it and continue climbing.
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five minutes later
/Yep, that was a pegasus./ A large, spherical shield has warped into existence around Canterlot. Taking a moment to study it, my common sense tells me I highly doubt it's going underground, and it probably takes a lot of energy to maintain. /Time to dig! ~I ain't a dwarf and I'm digging a hole, diggy diggy hole~/ I sink my claws into the mountain and start quickly ripping the rock and soil out to form a tunnel, which I heave myself into.
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Up in Canterlot Castle, Shining Armor's office
-knock knock-
“Enter.” The armored pegasus messenger enters the office, letting the door click gently shut behind him. “Report.”
The pegasus takes a deep breath and drops the bombshell. “The beast is digging into the mountain to bypass the shield. It's a lot smarter than you'd expect from the way it looks. We've already sent a team of three to flush it out if possible, and to redirect it if not.”
“Who ordered the team in? The idea and applicants should have been run by me first to gain my approval.” Shining Armor said
“Princess Luna, sir. She's taken a major interest in this beast, thanks to your sister 's reports to Princess Celestia. Supposedly, it's escaped Twilight twice, and you know how powerful she is, sir.” Shining nods his head absently, thinking. A few minutes pass like this, until the pegasus begins shifting from hoof to hoof nervously.
“Orders, sir?” The captain jumps in surprise and being suddenly reminded that the messenger is still there.
The unicorn blinks and says, “Well, even though I cannot overturn a direct order by the Princess of the Night, I can still order patrol squads about Canterlot to keep order when the beast eventually surfaces. Not that I have no faith in the team's skills, it's that I believe that the monster will simply ignore them in favor of getting away. It wouldn't go to so much trouble to come here unless it has a reason.”
“Will that be all sir?” The pegasus shifts his wings slightly, ready to deliver the message.
“Yes, you are dis-” The pegasus is out the door and gone before the words have even left his superior officer's mouth.
“Always so eager to please, wish there were more like him running messages.” Shining Armor laughs to himself.
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Inside the mountain, one hundred feet below Canterlot
I'm climbing the wall of a large, honeycombed cavern nearly covered in crystals, each glowing with an inner light at various intensities. Every time I lift myself up, I have to rip crystals away from the wall in front of me and drop them to the ground to clear my way up to a hole in the ceiling. /I like this cavern. I could sleep here. Hell, I'll move here if possible./ My musing to myself is interrupted by a soft flapping, followed by a pleasant voice right next to my ear. The wording is not so pleasant.
“Hello monster. If you would just drop back down the wall where we can detain you, that would be nice. Will you comply?”
I turn to look at the armored pegasus guard hovering next to me, a smile even more pleasant than her voice upon her face. I shake my head and point straight up. The pegasus sighs and drops her happy attitude.
“No, I'm afraid we can't let you go that way unescorted. This is your only warning. Let go of the wall and come peacefully or we will use force.” /I don't think so. I'd rather do THIS-/
Pausing in my climb I growl and snatch the flying pest out of the air, eliciting a high-pitched shriek from her, before taking hold of her armored barrel in my mouth- /she tastes like a mix of peas and carrots, and her armor tastes like a piece of brass... I love how many random pointless details I notice!/- pinning her wings down and orienting her legs to point the direction I'm going. She immediately starts thrashing around, so I bite down just a little bit harder to remind her just exactly what situation she's in, and she stops moving, but she throws me a glare to show how displeased she is at me throwing her diplomacy right back at her face. I wink at her and begin climbing again, before again being interrupted, this time by a magic missile impacting my backside. I rotate around on my wall like a spider, and look down for the unicorn who fired.
-bzatt!-
/Not one but two, what fun./ I growl at the aggressively postured unicorns and the pegasus giggles. I give her a look that clearly says “What the fuck have you got to laugh about?” The unicorns each fire once more, only drawing growls from me.
The pegasus giggles some more, then panics and shouts down to the unicorns, “Can you stop shooting it, guys? Every time you shoot it, it growls, and every time it growls, it tickles! Besides, if it wanted me hurt it would have done so by now! I don't want it changing its mind because you both are terrible shots!”
The unicorns look at each other and shrug, a very awkward-looking motion on a quadruped. They both quickly return their aim to me and fire simultaneously, both shots harmlessly striking me in the arm that I preemptively held up to protect the pegasus from the not-so-friendly fire.
“You guys suck, you know that? That would have hit me! What's wrong with you?! Hey! Where are you going? I'm not done yelling at them yet!” I had turned back upwards and begun climbing again as she spoke. I inhale deeply through my nose, and growl, sending the pegasus into twitchy spasms of laughter.
“Haaaahahahahhaeheheahahehhehehestoppihihihihihitt!” I stop, just to inhale again. In the light of the crystals in the tunnel, I see her pupils shrink to almost nothing as she whispers “No, no more...”
I grin evilly as best I can with a mouthful of armored pegasus. /This is going to be hilarious./
“GRRRRRRRRR!”
“HAHAHAHASTOPPIIIIIT!”
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Back down in the cavern Mundo just vacated
The two unicorns were at a loss for what to do when the beast carried their fellow guard, laughing all the way, through the ceiling.
“Any bright ideas, Short Fuse?” The first unicorn said.
“Yeah, just one,” Short Fuse replied.
“Lay it on me.”
“Remember that spell I cast when you wanted to cosplay as Spider-Mane?”
“Yeah.... Oh! Oh. I get it now. Follow the beast?”
“Darn straight.”
Short Fuse's horn lights up and they both start walking up the wall as quickly as they can.
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Back with Mundo and the ticklish pegasus, about twenty feet below Canterlot Mane Street
“Are you going to let me go anytime soon? Two grunts for no, one for yes.” We've hit the end of the tunnel I climbed up into, and I'm tuning out the pegasus somewhat. I grunt as I start digging into the stone, extending my spines to the wall and shutting my eyes as I begin.
“Ugh, ptoo. Watch where you're knocking those stones!” I roll my closed eyes at the pegasus. I can feel/hear ponies walking about above me, the vibrations tell me it's cobblestones they're walking on. I continue digging upward.
“Hey, are you even listening to me?!” I grunt twice. “Ugh, you are infuriating! Wait, is that light?”
I open my eyes and look up. Sure enough, there's light. I've hit street level. I remove the pegasus from my mouth and clutch her in my left claw, bursting up through the cobbles and landing next to the hole I've made. I clamp the pegasus back in my mouth, ignoring her shouted “Whoa!” and begin hauling ass toward the castle. Whatever's calling me is extremely close now, and inside that castle! I growl in excitement, forgetting that the pegasus in my mouth was ticklish.
“WHYHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHAHAHAHA!”
Instantly, there are guards swarming around me. I blast through them and keep moving toward the castle.
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Canterlot Castle Gate
Various guardsponies are standing on top of the wall around the castle, facing Mane Street, where a messenger had just alerted them the beast had appeared and was closing fast. The gate has already been closed and barred. A shout went up along the left side.
“There it is!”
Sure enough, the beast was rumbling straight toward them and had a pegasus in its mouth, as reported. The unicorns charge up their horns but hold their fire. The beast looks up at them as it runs, and starts growling loudly, sending the pegasus in its mouth into twitching paroxysms of laughter.
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Mundo's POV
Running along Mane Street, I devote some brainpower to analyzing my new surroundings and the path ahead, along with the massive gate. /Okay, I won't be able to bust THAT door down, it's almost guaranteed to be reinforced and enchanted. The only way in is to go under, and I doubt they haven't prepared for that, or I can go over.... idea!/
I spit the laughing pegasus to the side, leaving her spasming there in the grass and ignoring her startled cry of “Hey!” as I increase my speed even further, pushing my limits. The instant the pegasus leaves my mouth, the unicorns unload their magic on me, not doing a thing to me even though every single hit is a direct hit. I can feel the energy just rolling off of me as I will myself to keep going. /One hundred feet to the gate..... eighty.... sixty... fifty... forty!....thirty-five!...Thirty! NOW!/ I give a little hop and flip forward, driving my fists into the ground with a loud crack, and pushing as hard as I physically can as I rotate forward.
I fly into the air, armored rear first, and clear the wall with inches to spare, rolling into a ball on my way. /I'm no Asura, but that was awesome. Again, I wish I had a camera. Their faces are priceless, I'll bet. No time to check, gotta keep moving. The call is even stronger here./
My balled-up form slams into the ground and I quickly unroll, using my momentum to fling myself forward and into the castle proper.
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back on the wall
Everypony's jaw is comically slack at what has just happened. Some ponies are getting to their hooves from where they dived out of the way of the airborne beast.
“What just happened?” A pegasus asks.
“That monster just punched itself over the wall, that's what happened,” a unicorn snarks.
Everypony present shares a panicked glance at their nearest neighbor, before they all shout in unison,
“WE GOTTA STOP THAT THING!”
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Canterlot Castle
The call is so strong now, it's giving me explicit instructions. /I'm guessing it's Discord. The commands are in his voice, after all./
/Turn left./
/Go up the stairs./
/Blast that door down./
/Now, TACKLE THE BLUE PONY AND HUG HER/ “Who dares interrupt- gurk!” I'm hugging a slender blue pony with wings and a horn. Random? Yes. Am I done yet? No. I leave the hyperventilating pony laying there on her throne as I hear more orders in my head.
/Run back out, take a right./ I slide somewhat on the tiles on the turn, but regain my grip and dash as fast as I can without slipping and falling on my face.
/Slide up the railing to the next floor./ I do so somehow, avoiding a now seriously weirded-out guard patrol.
/Burst through that door and hug the pony inside. Celestia knows she needs one./
“Discord, is this your doing?” The white pony is wearing a shiny golden crown, why didn't I notice this before? I love shiny things. I continue my hug, getting an awkward pat on the shoulder in return.
“Why yes, Celestia, this creature is my doing. His actions, however, are not.” Discord shrugs to sell the half-truth. “I don't know what has caused him to act like this, but I don't mind a little chaos now and again, as you have banned me from doing any major chaos outside of my personal pocket dimension, remember?” He snaps his fingers and a treadmill appears, which he begins pacing on while the treadmill itself paces backwards in circles around Celestia and I.
“So the creature is acting like this on his own, yet was created by you? Discord, I thought we agreed that you would not do something like this...”
/You can let go now, I'm done. If I need something else funny done I'll let you know. You've certainly made MY day./
“Are you okay there, my friend?” I lift up one claw and wave at them to show I'm fine, before letting it flop down next to my tired body again. Suddenly, a lot of clopping hooves registers on my brain.
“Princess Celestia, are you injured?” The guards have arrived. What fun.
“No, I am thankfully not injured. Our large friend here may need some rest, however...” She gestures to me. I sit up and wave tiredly. The guards recoil nervously and raise their weapons, leap into the air to hover, or light up their horns in preparation to attack me or defend themselves and Celestia. The leader of the squad gulps.
“Princess, that....thing.... has injured half of our number, left a giant hole in Mane Street and caused thousands of bits in property damage, both here and in Ponyville. I personally do not consider it a friend, especially if it is a creation of Discord.”
“And what are the extent of the injuries, diligent guardspony?” Discord has somehow fitted himself into a snazzy business suit (with banana-patterned pajama pants) and is wearing oversized star-shaped sunglasses, as well as pulling an angry-looking paper duck and a sheet of rubber out of thin air. The treadmill crumbles into nothing as he floats off of it and gets right in the guard's face without him noticing.
“Every single one is bruised where the beast struck them or on what they landed on after said impact. There are at least three concussions and we have one pegasus laughing uncontrollably, though I don't know how he managed that. She'll stop giggling until someone mentions the beast and she goes into fits of laughter again. I think she was the pegasus he carried in his mouth when he was running along Mane Street to the castle gate.”
“But there are no broken bones or major lacerations,” Discord concluded.
“None. Wait, why are you, of all ponies, asking about injuries?” the guard asks in confusion.
“If there were no major injuries, this means he was trying not to hurt anypony.” Celestia realizes she voiced her thoughts, reminding everypony present that she is indeed there.
Suddenly, there is a flash of light and the other pony I hugged appears on my head.
“Dear sister, have you seen a heavily armored monster that is prone to random acts of affection, such as hugs?” Celestia nods and smiles serenely. Discord gets a huge, snaggletoothed grin, and the guards are discreetly motioned out of the room by the solar princess as she responds. “He has been here, I would suggest looking for him. He has hidden himself well, Luna, but you should be able to see him from where you stand .” Celestia slightly stresses the last three words. Discord and I catch it but Luna does not.
I start making funny faces as Celestia's sister starts looking around the room for me, still not stepping down from my head. Each one makes Discord's face turn redder and redder until he stuffs his talon hand, balled into a fist, into his mouth to choke off the laughter just continually bubbling inside. The blue pony looks at him concernedly from atop my head.
“Art thou in pain, Discord?” Discord shakes his head and continues shaking in barely contained mirth. Celestia continues smiling that slightly mischievous smile of hers. I slowly raise one claw and slowly lift it behind Luna's head to give her 'bunny ears'. Discord chokes off another laugh and Celestia finally decides that enough is enough.
“Look down, sister Luna, before our friend decides you don't work very well as a hat.” Discord finally fails to contain his laughter and falls over, laughing fit to burst. I quickly return my claw to my side.
Luna looks down as I look up. “Oh. I must apologize, I seem to have been using you as a podium of sorts.” I grunt. She leaps down from my head and walks over to her sister. They nuzzle and start making boring small talk for a minute or two, nothing important, in my opinion. Luna turns to look at Discord, still laughing his ass off. I sigh and lay down, head on forearms.
“Do you think Discord will be alright if we leave him there,” she asks. Celestia nods, still smiling gently. “Shall we let the guards know that the creature is nonaggressive?”
“Please do, Luna, there are a few small details I must deal with before I join you.” Luna nods and teleports from the room. Celestia blinks and turns to me.
“Now then, creature, do you have a name?” I nod. “Very well then, tell me.” I shrug. “Please don't be like that, tell me your name.” I sigh. By this point, Discord has finally calmed down enough to step in for me.
“Now now, my friend, I gave you the ability to talk for a reason. Go on, tell her.” I angle my head up and scratch at my throat before shrugging. Discord smacks himself in the forehead with his lion paw. “It faded, didn't it.” It wasn't a question. I nod anyway. He turns to Celestia. “Well, he goes by the name Mundo. Personally, I'd rather he had something else.”
“Mundo? Really?” Her royal facade falls away and she looks at me, making a face. “Well, we could address you as such, but Discord is not the only one entitled to opinions. I would like to name you myself, as I feel we will become good friends, but I have a feeling you would not accept it. You are not a pet, after all, but a sapient being. Therefore, I ask you to come up with a name yourself, something dignified, if possible.”
I scratch my chin and think. /Now that I think about it, Mundo works better as a nickname. What to call myself.... no, not Armordillo... not Bulwark.... not Giantdad, that's silly, but the legend never dies.... something to do with electricity or power in some way would work....no....no....no....idea!no....no.... maybe.... no.... IDEA./
I wave in Discord's face to get his attention, as he's busy doing a Cat's Cradle with old shoelaces and spaghetti. He snaps his tangled talons and a pencil erupts from my right nostril. Sharpened end first. I grab a piece of parchment laying on the ground nearby, pull the pencil out of my shnozz and write my 'dignified' name as best I can. The pencil vanishes when I tap Celestia on the shoulder, bringing her out of her trance of staring at what Discord's doing and pass her the parchment. /I hope she can read that, not just because it's practically chicken scratch but because I still don't know if we have the same written language. I haven't stolen any books.... yet./
“Is this truly what you wish to be called?” She asks seriously. I nod firmly. Discord waves and suddenly vanishes in a whirl of color, to do Discord Things, Discord Style.
“Very well then, allow me be the first to tell you something I am certain you have not yet heard. As your creator, Discord, failed to say it, and Pinkie Pie of Ponyville usually performs such duties, I thus take it upon myself to right this injustice done of you and say...”
She smiles and spreads her wings gracefully.
“Welcome to Equestria, Teravolt. If you were a pony, that would be a wonderful name.” I return the smile with a grin and give a rumbling cheer. Her grin vanishes and her eyes lose their soft glow, and she puts up the regal veil she had dropped earlier, closing her wings with a sharp snap. “Now, about that large hole you left in Mane Street...”
I groan. /There goes my hope she'd forget about that./
My grumbling is cut off by a familiar voice shouting, “There it is, girls! It's in Princess Celestia's room!” I turn to see a brightly colored rainbow beam, followed by PAIN, and that's all I know before I get blasted off my feet and through the wall. As my vision goes dark, I see large bony plates coming off of me -my armor plates- and dissolving in the beam of energy before I lose consciousness completely with a loud thud.
Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
Prepare for Full Immersion
Nothing much to say here, just gonna say I love reviews like changelings love love. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but it does to me.
Disclaimer: I do not own MLP: FiM or any associated characters. All I own is Mundo/Teravolt and the story I'm writing. I do not require monetary compensation for your perusing of this fiction but emotional sustenance would be greatly appreciated.
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/Ugh, my head. Where am I?/ I sit up to look about and realize I'm in a spartan room, laying on a clean pile of straw. /No, seriously, where am I? I thought I was cleared by Princess Celestia herself... also, why do I feel lighter?/ I take a look at myself and give off a high-pitched, buzzing screech in shock. /WHERE IS MY ARMOR?! WHERE ARE MY SPINES AND MANDIBLES?! WHY AM I BLACK AND WHY ARE THERE HOLES IN MY LEGS?!/ I start banging on the barred metal door, only to see it glow a light purple and make a discovery after I calm down somewhat from my high of rage and fear. My armor is still there but there is much less of it, nor am I as flexible as I was before. I take a deep breath to calm myself, sit back down on the pile of straw, and examine myself once again.
I note a few things: One, I still have claws, except they are distinctly more like hands than they were before. Two, my armor is distinctly more armorlike rather than just haphazard plating, and as such I have thicker plates across my chest, neck, shoulders, and back, and there is some across my stomach and upper legs now, and it looks like shiny black platemail from Europe. Tapping against the glossy material on my chest produces a muted, but still noticeable sensation. Most likely chitin and not bone as I had before. Speaking of my back, there is a thick, bluish-gray plate upon it, and growing out of it are black wings resembling that of a wasp. I work the muscles I had used before to flick my spines about, and the wings buzz in response. They could probably carry me through the air if necessary. I fold them down against my back and continue my self-examination.
My tail is still reptilian in nature and still rather flexible, but it now has thick ridges running down the top of it, and has a small pair of curved spines growing out of the end, facing upward and outward at about ninety degrees from each other. My limbs have seemingly random holes in them, and I can feel air whispering through them. Noting the air flowing through my limbs, I realize I can feel/hear the room about me, as if I still had my spines. My rear limbs are proportioned to hold my weight better, and the claws are more defined. I lost a toe, and there are now three toes pointing forward and one pointing back, suspended above the ground when I stand up.
My front legs/arms are considerably slimmer, but still remind me of shiny black Popeye arms with claws, and there are no holes in them, excluding one where they fit into my rounded shoulder chitin plates and attach to my torso, and my 'hands' have retractable claws, like before, but now can be placed flat upon the ground, enabling more stable quadrupedal locomotion. My head is mostly unchanged, excluding the loss of my mandibles, the development of two oversized, protruding fangs as long as one of my foreclaws, and a sharp-edged, dual-pronged axelike horn upon my forehead that looks like it was ripped straight from a Pokemon called Heracross. I probe my mouth with my tongue and find that instead of the alternated needle-like and flat teeth that I had before, I have nothing but razor-sharp teeth along the length of my gums, fang to fang to throat. I stick out the forked tongue as far as it can go, finding out that it's actually about the length of an average pony and I can nearly tie it in knots.
I'm now considerably slimmer than I was, and I could probably fit through the door if I moved on all fours and didn't bang my head on the top of the doorframe. Also, the chain is still around my neck. Nice.
/All in all, this body is probably more useful and fun than my last one. Damn scientist can take his experimentation and shove it. Speaking of useful, it would be useful to get out of this cell./
I grasp hold of the bars and look along the length of the hallway, both ways. No guards in sight, no inmates either. Suddenly, my ears twitch as I hear the door open to admit somepony, around the corner where I cannot see them, but I can feel the vibrations in the floor, it's more than one pony coming. Somepony speaks in a gentle tone and I strain my ears to listen to the panicked reply which comes right after. As they come around the corner, I begin to hear them properly, and I blink at who it is coming around the corner, as well as the new sensation of feeling...something.... radiating off of all of them, like a smell but different. It smells/feels delicious either way, and I don't know why. I blink again and both Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle, as well as a silent squad of four guards, are suddenly almost in front of my cell.
“...and that is why they believe we should hand it over to the Changelings. It looks so much like them now.” The crazy purple pony finishes her little tirade with an adoring smile at Celestia. I growl at her, but it comes out as a creepy, dual-toned hiss.
“Silence, creature. You are in the presence of Her Royal Majesty Princess Celestia, Solar Diarch of Equestria. You would do well to listen.” One of the guards intones. /What are you, a robot?/ One of the other guards knocks him on the head. Celestia discreetly shakes her head and mouths “I'm sorry” where only I can see. I can't take not speaking, so I speak up, even though I should know better by now.
“What are you going to do, make me?” I spit out. Everypony present, excluding me, gasps. I would have too, as I'm rather shocked I can speak again, but not only that, my voice comes out distorted, like it was split with a knife and haphazardly sewn together again. I suppose the hiss I gave earlier should have given me a clue as to how I'd sound in this form, but hindsight is twenty-twenty.
“We will if we have to,” the guard snarls. I roll my eyes and lie a little, mixing in a little truth for good measure.
“Oh please, you couldn't even ssssstop me in my weaker form! Not only that, but I wassssn't even trying to hurt you~ ” I like my voice now. It's deep, it's intimidating, and I might just talk for the sake of hearing myself speak but that would be narcissistic, now wouldn't it? The only problem is that I have to enunciate some words slowly and carefully or they come out as strangled hisses and clicks.
“I knew it!” One of the guards points at me with a hoof, then pumps the same hoof and bats Robo-Guard on the shoulder. “Pay up.” Said guard grumbles and passes over a hoofful of small golden coins to the winner of their bet.
Annoying purple pony- I mean Twilight coughs to get everypony's attention. “I hate to interrupt you, but I'm on a tight schedule here.” I busy myself by climbing the wall and hanging from the ceiling of my cell. “So, creature-” I interrupt her before she can go any further. “I ssssuggessst you call me by the name I gave your dear Princessssss... I do not appreccciate being ssspoken of assss if I am ssssome animal, it getsss old quickly...” The librarian huffs and flicks her ears in annoyance. Celestia frowns slightly.
“Fine, Teravolt ,” She grits out, “being a creature of seemingly sound mind, what would you suggest we do with you?” I grin at this, and prepare myself to speak as eloquently as I possibly can. “What'ssss a changeling? You know what, never mind that for now. Even though my mind has exisssted for nigh upon nineteen of my planet'sss yearsss, thisss body is literally lessss than two weekssss old, thisss form even younger than that, sssso you cannot possssibly expect me to know everything about thissss world that Disssscord dropped me in. To quote him, he put me here to 'hang out'” -I release one arm from the ceiling and flex one claw to denote the quotation marks before returning it to its place- “and bassssically jussst let me run loosssse. Make of that what you will. My actionsssss were benign, you merely reacted to my monsssstroussss form.”
Twilight blinked at my 'age', and manages to squeak out, “Two weeks?” Everypony else present was stunned speechless at how nonchalant I seemed about being dumped here from another planet or universe entirely. Twilight suddenly snaps out of her slight shock and seems to have an epiphany. “So Discord didn't actually create you? You aren't really explaining anything very well. Also, can you please stop hissing and buzzing?”
“In reversssse order,” -Twilight winces at the hissing here, I like having ways to get on her nerves- “no, I cannot sssstop the hisssssing and buzzzzing. These fangssss and thissss tongue do not allow it. Ssssecondly, no. Disssscord merely asssssisssssted my dying mind into another body, the 'great armored beasssst' that you sssstrapped to your table. Twiccce.” The guards are slowly backing away from Twilight now, staring at her in fear, and even Celestia looks a little surprised and saddened. I rasp out a chuckle. “I was not happy about being drugged either.” The guards flinch again. “Thisss was not the firsssst time, but it will be the lasssssst.”
I drop to the floor, angling my wings to flip me right-side up as I fall, and step up to the bars, clutching one in each claw as I continue ranting. “The only positive interactionssssss I had there were with your asssisssstant Sssspike and maybe your ssssshy yellow friend, and even sssshe directly helped you with your 'ssssstudiessss.'” I spit out the last word like a bad taste. “Now, you come in here demanding me to do thingsssss and anssswer quesssstionssss, without even an apology? All I wisssshed for was the right to exissssst after Disssscord sssso thoughtfully transssssported me here after I wassss murdered and my home ssssset on fire, then brought back assss a head in a jar and experimented upon! Yesss, you wouldn't even allow me that, exccccept to put me on a table like sssssome common animal to be sssstudied and dissssected!”
By this time, Twilight has collapsed so far in upon herself that she looks like a cornered animal herself. I decide to drive the final nail in the metaphorical coffin. “Not only that, but you and your friendssss took it upon yoursssselvessss to blasssst me painfully out of the body I had only jusssst reccccieved, and what wassss left is the chitin I wear now! All I have left issss thissss body, thissss chain, and the air I breathe! Now, I assssk you, little purple pony, wassss it worth it?!”
She blinks and stands a little straighter. She squeaks out a question. “Was what worth it?”
“Your sssstudy of me. I am in a completely different form now, albeit a much more pleassssant one than my old onesss, and that issss the only thing closssse to a 'thank you' for your attempt at my desssstruction that you sssshall get. Wasss your sssstudy worth it? That creature will never exissssst again.” She looks down in shame. “I thought not. I have to learn what limitssss thissss body hasss now. You ssssaw the large area of downed and sssscorched treessss at the edge of the Everfree, correct?” She nods numbly. “That wasss me. If I hadn't learned there what my old body wassss capable of, then you might have been a colorful ssssplotch on your wall.” As her pupils shrink in realization of how restrained I had been, I turn to the princess. “Well, princccesssss, I have a few quesssstionssss for you, if a monsssster like me isssss worthy of ansssswerssss.” As her gaze flicks to me from attempting to calm her frightened student, she gives an almost imperceptible nod. “Thank you. Firsssst, I'm asssssuming you want me to fill in that hole in Mane Sssstreet that I made on my way up?” She nods again. “Very well then it sssshall be done. Ssssecond, may I dig a tunnel from under a busssssh near Mane Sssstreet down into the cryssssstal cavernssss within the mountain? I find the atmossssphere there very pleassssant and wissssh to move there. I will furnisssh my own home, sssso pleassse do not worry about that. Additionally, I can provide sssecurity that nothing sssshall use the cavernssss to bypassss your sssshield.”
Finding her voice, the princess finally responds verbally. “That is acceptable. Do you wish anything else?”
I nod and hold up two claws. “Jusssst two thingssss. I wissssh free passssage into the cassstle to sssspeak with my 'father' of ssssortsss, Disssscord, and the friend I may have made amongsssst the guard. Do you remember the pegassssussss that I carried in my jawssss before I bypassssed the gatessss?” Seeing the guards flinch yet again at this, I chuckle. “Ssssshe is very ticklissssh assss it turnsssss out. Will sssshe be able to ressssume guard dutiesss? Sssshe sssseemed to take her job very ssssserioussssly, sssshe even tried to resssolve thingssss peaccccefully within the cavernsssss, but her carelessss unicorn friendsssss nearly ssssstruck her with magic boltsssss. I kept her ssssafe from their wild aim and depossssited her at sssstreet level, out of range of the guardssss on the gate. Sssshe was rather pleassssant to work with, desssspite her being a guardsssspony and me being the monsssster I am.”
Princess Celestia smiles knowingly. “It is good to see that even you know the magic of friendship, Teravolt. Your first request is acceptable, but you stated that you had two. What is your second request?”
I inhale before releasing the breath in a whoosh. “I will need bitssss at ssssome point to purchasssse foodsssstuffssss and varioussss necccesssitiessss," -I back away from the bars and hold one hand up, palm facing the ponies- "but I am not assssking for handoutssss. I wissssh for trading rightssss, within Equessstria at the very leassst. The crysssstal and sssstone within the mountain are of high quality, and I may even find preciousss metalssss and gemssstonesss if I ssssearch carefully. I can craft thingssss with my bare clawssss no pony has sssseeen before, even if it issss only trinketssss, or maybe even furniture for your more.... prodigoussss.... guessstsss during diplomatic visitsssss.” I chuckle. “Taking Sssspike into mind, you probably have draconic ambassssadorssss occassssionally. If there are pegassssi, unicornsssss, and dragonssss here, may I also assssume there are griffonssss, minotaursssss, and the like here?” I get a chorus of nods and yeses. “Now then, back to my original quesssstion. Princesssss, may I have trading rightssss within Equestrian borderssss? I will bring a ssssample of my waressss when I have them, for your perussssal.”
The princess nods. “That is acceptable as well. Your request is granted, and word shall be spread to the ponies to avoid discrimination towards you.”
I smile as best I can. “Thank you. Now, I have one final quesssstion. What issss a changeling?”
The guards all look to one another, but it's Twilight who speaks up, as if reciting a passage from a book. “Changelings are pony-like creatures with insectoid characteristics and holes in their legs and hooves. Little is known about them other than they feed upon positive emotions such as love, their appearance, their shapeshifting ability, and that they are led by a larger, stronger, smarter changeling as their king or queen.”
I sit for a moment, digesting the information I have just been given about this world I have so thoughtfully been dumped in to do whatever. I sit up and sigh, cracking my neck before speaking. “Thank you bookworm, your ansssswer is appreccciated. It cccccertainly explainssssss why you all sssssmell delicccioussss,” -all the guards recoil- “but I can resssstrain mysssself.” I ignore Twilight's wounded ego -wounded pride, wounded ego, they both taste the same, like a sour grape- as well as the guards relaxing somewhat, and turn to the princess again. “When may I be releassssed?”
“Right now, actually.” One of the unicorns jingles a keyring with his magic.
“Twilight, would you come with me? We need to have a talk...” Twilight's ears droop at the princess' words, but she follows the alicorn out of the dungeon.
I call after them, “Ssssay hi to Sssspike for me!”
Celestia pokes her head back in and smiles at the guards. “Please spread the word that Teravolt is friendly to the other guards, and escort him to the worksite. After you are finished, please feel free to take the rest of the day off.” All the guards salute as Celestia ducks back out again. The unicorn that jingled the keys earlier unlocks the cell and motions me out.
“Come along, Teravolt. There's work to be done.” Two of the remainder begin walking down the hall to the door and I follow them. The keybearer and the last guard fall in behind me.
“Sssooooo...” I begin.
“What?” Keybearer.
“I never did get an ansssswer about that pegassssussss...”
“She'll be fine, but we'll have to tell her what you look like now.”
“Why issss that?”
“She might try and sic you on yourself.” We've gone around the corner to the wooden door.
“Sssshe'ssss threatening annoying poniessss ussssing me? I like her.”
“I doubt she'd date you, Teravolt.” Door is opened and we pass through, keybearer shuts it, grinning ear to ear. His joy is like a fresh orange, tangy and sweet.
“Would you bet on that?” The pony that lost the bet earlier cuts in, looking over his shoulder at us.
“I wouldn't. With my luck, you'd losssse.”
“I'll take your word for it.”
“I'd make the bet anyway, just to spite fate. To Tartarus with the consequences, it would be funny, and Diarchs know how much we need more humor around here.” The only pony to stay silent so far has finally spoken. “Discord can only do so much!”
We all start laughing as we reach the top of the stairs.
<><><><><><><>
Back at the hole in Mane Street, fifteen minutes later
“I could have ssssworn the hole was more impresssssive than that," I say to myself, looking down the dark tunnel leading straight down into the crystal caverns. The guards left to enjoy their time off after putting up signs warning of the road work going on. Didn't stop the stares, disgust, and fear (disgust smells like old socks and fear smells like ammonia, thanks for asking) flowing over me like sewage from the ponies that passed by. I had already collected up the cobblestones that I had sent flying with my dynamic entry and they were sitting in a pile near the hole. I scratch my neck and think on how I'm going to repair this. /There's plenty of dirt and stone down in the tunnel, but I need a solid plug for this, otherwise it will collapse during the first good rain or snow. I'll need to go down and carve out a large chunk of stone to seal it, so water will run down the street rather than into my new home. While I'm at it, I'll dig a new tunnel like I asked for./
<><><><><><><><>
Roughly an hour later, about sunset
-WHACK- -WHACK- -WHACK- -WHACK- -WHACK-
/That's the plug put in, now I just need to pack some dirt in so that the cobbles will have a cushion, don't want them breaking under the first fat pony to come by, after all.../ I feel/smell/hear somepony coming up behind me, their emotions a mix between the chemical smell of fear and the floral scent of curiosity.
“Yesss? If you're jussssst here to inssssult me, I assssure you I do not take assssaultssss, verbal or otherwisssse, very calmly.”
“Um, I just wanted to say hi, Mister.....” I turn my head to see a scared unicorn filly wearing an adorable sun hat. Her coat is white, turning to a light green near her hooves, as if she's been stomping around in plant matter all day. She has no cutie mark.
“Teravolt. My name issss Teravolt. Greetingsss to you too.” I turn my head back to laying the cobblestones tight against one another, but the filly either didn't get the hint or is just that curious. Her fear has somewhat ebbed, making my horn itch with the sensation of her burning curiosity chafing the sensitive organ.
“My name is Floral Grace, but you can call me Flora.” I turn my head to the little filly. She cocks her ears.
“Very well then, Flora, where are your parentsssss?” Her ears droop. “They're looking for you, aren't they?” She nods. “Child, lisssten to me and lisssten well. When I am finisssshed here, I will help you find them.” She looks up. “But, you mussst promisssse not to do thissss again. I may not be the friendliesssst monster, but I will not eat you. I cannot ssssay the ssssame for any otherssss you may encounter.”
Flora sniffs and says, “I promise.” I nod in approval and lay the last few bricks uninterrupted. I get up from my squatting position and pop my knees and ankles.
“Sssshall we go find your parentssss, little one?” She stands up and brushes some dust off of her front legs, before nodding. Suddenly, I smell/feel a strong essence of fear, followed by the cool mint of relief, followed by an even stronger burst of fear.
“Flora! Come away from that monster!” An earth pony stallion with a rubber stamp as a cutie mark has shown up.
“Daddy, he's not a monster! He's my friend! His name is Teravolt!” She canters over and hugs my leg. I let my ears sag and look at Flora's father. He calms down somewhat and the disgust starts rolling off of him. Blech.
“I don't know about friend, but ssssir, I would advisssse you keep a closssser eye on your child in the future. I am not alwayssss so accommodating but it sssseemssss that I have a ssssoft ssspot for children.” I start attempting to pry the filly from my leg. “Go to your father, Flora. Sssshould I ssssee you again after dark, I will march you to a guard and tell him to esssscort you home.” She detaches from my leg with a pop and trots over to her father, who sighs.
“Thank you for keeping an eye on her. She has left Canterlot before, so I'm glad somepony stopped her before she did.”
“Don't thank me, thank her curiossssity. I ssssensssed it before sssshe even came into ssssight. If sssshe can rein it in and channel it into ssssomething consssstructive, sssshe may even rival Twilight Ssssparkle one day. Jusssst make ssssure sssshe doessssn't sssspend all day inssside reading booksss like that purple menacccce doessss.”
His disgust slowly vanishes as I speak, and he nods amiably. “I'll keep that in mind. Good night, Teravolt.”
“Ssssame to you.” He trots off, daughter in tow.
“Ssssuch a nice child. Not that I would want any of my own, but sssstill....” I break off from my musing and see that the moon has risen pretty high in the sky. I judge it to be roughly ten o'clock, give or take fifteen minutes. I turn to the bush that houses my new front door, gaze up at the moon and say goodnight to it like I used to on Earth, then finally I crawl down into the darkness that terminates into the soft rainbow glow of the crystal caverns. On the way down, I realize something.
/DAMNIT I STILL HAVE TO MAKE A BED!/
Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
Fighting and Fashionistas
Disclaimer: I do not own MLP: FiM. I do not own any associated characters either. All I own is Mundo/Teravolt and the story.
Speaking of the story, reviews are appreciated, and now I have a question for you readers: are you liking the story so far?
<><><><><><><><>
roughly an hour and a half after sunrise
/Well, this is a surprise./ There are two angry guard unicorns with lit horns pointed straight at me. They look like the same unicorns that were with my ticklish friend during my last visit here. I decide to break the ice, despite having just woken up. Also, anger and rage feel like burning charcoal.
“Sssso, what are you sssstill doing down here?” One of them fires at my comfy position on an old mattress I found halfway down the mountain. The bolt impacts upon my shoulder and does nothing, as expected. “Now, that'ssss no way to act toward your hosssst!”
I smile at their confusion, feels like lemon-lime soda. Then my grin turns sinister and they back away. “I hope you two have realized that you are in deep ssssshit now.”
“Oh yeah? And why is that, hissyfit?” One of the unicorns has dredged up enough false bravado to throw insults, what fun!
“You are not only alone, but have assssaulted me within my own home, and even with all the magic you can mussster in one ssshot, you cannot even sssscratch my chitin. I have every right to go hang you by your earsss from the casssstle gatesssss.”
“Shut up, monster, you should be put down for what you have done, you have no rights in Equestria,” the first unicorn shouts. I wait for the echoes to die before responding.
“Oh really? Then explain the royal edict by Princccessss Cccelessstia herssself granting me a pardon, cccitizenssship, and trading rightssss within Equesssstria, assss well assss allowing me to take up resssidenccce here in thesssse cavernssss of glowing crysssstal~” I'm practically singsonging at this point, this pony is so easy to rile up. The other one just looks scared, probably here by peer pressure.
That unicorn is backing down, but the other, the one who shot at me and insulted me, is still standing with his horn lit up and ready to fire. I sigh.
“You really won't change your mind, will you?” He resolutely shakes his head. “Then I have no qualms about doing this.” His eyes widen before his world turns upside down. I take the sheathed sword from his side as he hangs from my claws by his hooves. I knock him out with a light strike on the head with the sword's pommel and turn to the other unicorn. “Are you going to ssssshoot me?” He shakes his head vehemently. “Do you have a way back to the ssssurfacccce?” He shakes his head again, more slowly this time. “Come on, sssspeak up. Do you want a lift?” I stretch my wings a little bit as the unicorn mumbles something. “I sssaid, ssspeak up. There'ssss no reassson to be sssscared. If you will remain nonaggressssive, sssso sssshall I. Your friend here learned that the hard way, and he didn't even anssswer me why you are sssstill down here.”
The unicorn gulps, then says, “Yes, I need a lift back up top. My partner knew a spell to walk on walls like a spider, but, well, he's unconscious. We're still down here because his magic failed part of the way up and I had to catch us on the way down. I can barely light up my horn right now.” I nod and drop the still-sheathed sword with a clang.
“It'ssss good to ssssee you have ssssome backbone, but too much jusssst getsss you in trouble.” I shake the unconscious pony lightly for emphasis. “Now come here, I'll try not to injure you, jusssst don't wiggle about like your pegasssusss friend did. By the way, did you know sssshe'sss ticklisssh?” The unicorn comes closer and I pick him up like a small toy, setting him upon my neck. He clamps on like a leech. “Now then, onward and upward!” I buzz my wings and push off, rocketing up to the hole in the roof. I stop buzzing and fold my wings up as I impact the wall firmly, sinking my free claws deep into the rock for purchase, then begin the climb through the tunnel with one unicorn on my back, and the other unconscious in my right claw.
<><><><><><><>
Canterlot, side of Mane Street
I erupt out of the hole and shake the dirt off of all three of us. I drop one dead weight to the ground unceremoniously and lift the other gently off of my head, setting him down with a light thump. The unconscious unicorn groans. I turn to the smarter one of the pair.
“Have you got enough energy to get moron there to the cassstle by yourssself?” He nods and picks up his partner with a light orange aura of magic. “Before you go, I'd like to know your name. I cannot keep referring to you in my head assss 'the dumb unicorn'ssss partner', now can I?”
“No, I suppose you can't. Just call me Flu, alright? Short for Calming Influence. He's Short Fuse.” He grimaces at his name.
“I can work with that. If your ssssuperiorssss don't take your word for what happened, ssssend them to me and I'll sssset them sssstraight. If they won't come to me, drop on by and let me know. Ssssee you around, Flu. Call me Teravolt.” Without even giving him time to answer, I climb back down into my hole. I need a front door, that cave will have a draft otherwise... plus I need to get started on my trade goods.
<><><><><><><><><>
Crystal caverns, five hours later
I chuckle to myself as I use my right claw to shear the last bit from a crystal drinking vessel, shaped like a pitcher plant, then set it alongside a set of similar crystal wares upon a rough stone table, ranging from various decorative plants and animals, to just simple pony-sized drinking glasses, to small crystal figurines of the princesses, carved from crystals similarly colored to their coats. Speaking of the crystals, they seem to grow back anything I carve off of the main ones, so I doubt I'll run out of material.
“It'ssss like Minecraft and Terraria all over again. There'ssss jussst more practicccce involved.” I buzz a song that only I know the tune to as I wrap each piece of crystalware in its own piece of soft cloth that I most certainly did not steal from a clothing shop. No, seriously, I did some heavy lifting for the open-minded owner of the store and he wanted to repay me, so I told him what I was doing with the crystal in the caverns, and he gave me a large sack, a lot of soft cloth, and cotton packing material to help with transport, so here I am now, packing my wares with all the care and grace a large bug monster can. That happens to be quite a lot, for those who care. If you don't, why are you here listening to my tale? You should have taken off after I got shot. Go on. Get. Nopony will think less of you for it. If you didn't like it before, why are you punishing yourself now?
Anyway, after I finished packing my goods securely, I clamped the reinforced neck of the sack in my teeth and buzzed happily up to the tunnel leading into Canterlot.
/Hopefully they'll like these. I put a lot of effort into them. I may not have put much time in, but bugs are nothing if not efficient./
<><><><><><><><>
Canterlot Castle Gate
/In response to my previous thought, ponies are NOT efficient./
The guards at the gate block my way with their spears. My wings buzz in agitation.
“State your name and purpose.” Guard on the left.
“I am Teravolt, here with a ssssample of crysssstal trade goodssss for examination.” I sigh inwardly. /Seriously, word should have been spread about me already./ Both guards blink at my response and retract their spears to their sides. I look at the both of them. “Would one of you like a ssssample?” No response. “Very well then, I'll be on my way.” I step past them and continue up to the massive doors of the castle proper.
<><><><><><><><>
Small study, most likely for use by visiting diplomats, roughly twenty minutes later
I'm just finishing organizing the crystalware upon the desk when somepony knocks on the door. Their emotion smells floral. Curiosity.
“It'sssss open,” I buzz. “The cryssssstal issss rather sssssimple to cut, sssso the tassssk of ssssshaping it boilssss down to carving it with my clawssss. Apart from dropping it off of the mountain, it ssssshould not break.” I turn as the door shuts to see not a princess, but the fancy white-coated, purple-maned pony from Ponyville. “...What are you doing here?” I hiss and she recoils, her curiosity now half-buried beneath fear.
“My dear friend Twilight Sparkle got a letter from Princess Celestia, asking for me to come examine some crystal wares that a 'mutual friend' wished to put on the market.” Her eyes are flicking back and forth, searching for escape routes. I sigh.
“There issss no reassson to fear me, pony. I may not like your friend, but I have not perssssonally ssspoken with you. Apart from being blassssted with that rainbow, I have no reasssson to disssslike you, and I am willing to let the event flow by like water under a bridge. If you are here on bussssinessss, then let usss sssspeak of ssssuch thingssss.” I step to the left so that she can see the carved crystal figurines and various vessels that I had carved. The instant she registers the glittering crystalline objects, her pupils expand and her fear and curiosity completely evaporate, replaced by the sour lemon of excitement, crossed with the sweet orange of joy. She squeals and moves so quickly towards the desk that I get whiplash tracking her movement.
“I have never seen such exquisite crystalware in my life! How did you make it? What spells did you use to craft it? How quickly can you make one piece?” She's firing questions like bullets, I need to slow her down to make sense of anything she's saying. I hold up a claw to gain her attention, and she flinches away, closing her mouth as her fear spikes back up slightly.
“Sssslow down pleassse. One quesssstion at a time. Now then, begin again. But firsssst, may I know your name? Your faccce is familiar but your name esssscapesss me.”
“It is rude to ask a lady her name without introducing yourself first. Hmph!” Her fear is gone again, replaced by a mix of emotions not unlike burning flowers. Bipolar much? /Time to lay on the charm./
“My apologiessss. I am called Teravolt.” I fold one arm in front of my armored stomach and wave the other, doffing an imaginary hat as I bow, maintaining eye contact. Rarity smiles as I straighten back up.
“My, my, even monsters have manners! Apology accepted, Teravolt, you may call me Rarity. Now then, where were we?” I gesture to the crystalware still glittering on the desk. Her eyes light up again as she remembers, but her reaction is much more restrained than before. She is all business now. “Oh yes, the entire reason I was convinced to make the trip. How did you make such beautiful works of art?”
“Assss I ssssaid when you entered the room, the crysssstal issss ssssimple to cut with my clawsssss. I have ssssstressss-tessssted it mysssself, it ssssshould lassssst lifetimesssss, even without bassssic care.” I take a solid cylindrical crystal I brought up from the caves for demonstrative purposes, hold it firmly in one claw and strike one flat end with a closed fist. Apart from a clear tone not unlike a wind chime, the crystal is undamaged. I then carve through the entire thing with one swipe of my outstretched claw like a hot knife through butter. Rarity flinches at the quick, powerful movements, but recovers like nothing ever happened, and continues her questionnaire.
“Do you use any magic for more delicate cuts, or is it all done by claw?”
“I know not any magicsss. Thissss horn has only enabled me to sssensssse emotionssss.” I shrug. “I have never needed magic in my endeavorssss.”
Rarity gasps. “You must be joking! No magic at all? We must fix this immediately! If you know at least basic levitation, your creations could be carved even more beautifully!”
“How ssssshould I go about usssing magic?” She trots to a nearby low chair and sits upon it.
“Now, I may not be as knowledgeable as my dear friend Twilight, but there are a few things that all unicorns know, taught as soon as they can speak. First and most importantly, darling, your magic is an extension of yourself, not unlike another leg, but it can be made to do so much more than just move things about. All that changes from spell to spell is the energy required, and the intent behind the energy.”
I nod. “It sssssoundssss ssssimple, but I feel there is more to it.”
The fancy pony turned instructor giggles. “Twilight would have more details, dear, but you and she get along as well as dirt and I. Otherwise, yes, it is indeed that simple. Now then, how are you going to distribute these fabulous crystal wares of yours?”
I had originally planned to deliver them myself, initially, then swap to a licensed distribution service, but she didn't need to know that. “I had a vague idea, but I came up with ssssomething better when you mentioned it. What issss your trade?”
She laughs lightly behind a manicured hoof.. “I am a tailor by trade, most would call me a fashionista. I make and sell works of art that you can wear. I even occasionally receive orders from big names in pony fashion, such as Photo Finish or Sapphire Shores.”
I nod politely, gently wrapping my wares back in their individual cloths, apart from two crystal goblets and the crystal pitcher plant, and softly pack them back into the sack. “You would not happen to have an order from ssssuch poniessss, would you?”
“As a matter of fact, I do... why do you ask?” I pack the goblets and pitcher into their cloth wrappings and place them within a small wooden box I had bought with loose bits I had found and saved, packing them gently with cotton, then seal them inside with nails, tapping them in lightly with a closed fist.
“I wissssh to give thesssse” -I indicate the box- “assss a gift to you, in hopessss of future busssinesss with you. If you sssshould happen to have your 'big name' pony sssstop by to pick up their order themsssself, dissssplay my waressss. If they assssk, tell them you have a friend in Canterlot who makessss ssssuch thingssss, and that he would be glad to make ssssome. If they do order, assssk Sssspike to ssssend a letter to the princccessss. It ssshould reach me without issssue, and I will fill the order possssthassste. When I am finissshed, I sssshall leave the box containing their order at a placcce of your choossssing. Sssspeaking of which, are my termssss acccceptable?”
Rarity is a little stunned at my business proposal. “I... of course I accept, Teravolt. However, I must ask you to leave any order crates at Twilight's library, as I don't want my sister or her friends to get into them. Naturally, I must tell her of our agreement, to ensure that the crates remain unopened until they reach their intended recipient. Will that be all?”
“Yesss, Rarity, that sssshall be all. Pleasssse don't forget to let the princccesss know that you like my wares, as the ressst of thessse sssshall go to them for their persssonal ussse, ssshould they want them.”
“Very well then, Teravolt, until next time. Ta-ta!” She gracefully steps down from her seat, picks up my gift with her magic, and trots out through the door that I have opened for her.
I'm halfway down the hallway, sack resting upon my back, before I realize I never touched the door with my claws. /Looks like I traded bio-electrical attacks for magic when I got hit with that rainbow beam. Hmmm.... yeah, the hissing has to go. Spending time to correct my speech is not my idea of fun, but it will help in the long run. I swear, it takes me twice as long to say something than it should./
Adventures of a Man turned Beastly
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Moral of the Day: Boring Sucks
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Why Ventriloquists Need to be Paid More
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Dynamic Entry/First Escapade (Ponyville)
Still don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. If I did, Sombra wouldn't have sucked. BLARG SLAVES RAWR CRYSTALS
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Deep within the Everfree Forest...
Coming to a halt, huffing and puffing from my long run, I have come to a conclusion. One so profound, that I feel I must scream it to the sky.
/I'M FREAKING LOST IN THIS DAMN FOREST!/
Unfortunately, this also results in the side effect of me discovering that I CAN'T SPEAK. It all comes out as anything but words. Roars, growls, squeaks, etcetera. /I need something to take out my rage on.... That tree. That tree will have to do until I can find something better./
Swinging my huge arm in a wide arc, I slam it into the foot-and-a-half thick tree like a baseball bat... snapping the tree in half and tearing most of its root system free. /Geez. Well, maybe I could have some fun with this before my anger takes over again./
Striding over to the next reasonably sized tree, I attempt to shatter it like the firewood it is...
(sproing) WHACK
Gah, my nose! /What in the hell... Oh. Actual rubber tree. Figures./
(ding)
/Hold the phone... I'm getting a really STUPID idea here... Being the idiot I am, I'll try it anyway./ I rub my nose to ease the pain from my stupidity, as well as the tree, and begin to put my plan into action.
Grabbing onto the rubber tree, I slowly bend it down until the highest part of the main trunk is touching the ground, and shift my grip onto said part. I'm straining to hold onto the tree at this point, so I decide to do the dumbest thing I've ever attempted. EVER.
I give the tree some momentum by jumping and let it carry me upward, and I let go... only for my back spines to catch on the bark and drop me down about thirty feet from the rubber tree, crushing a hardwood tree and ending up in a berry bush. /Wait, berries? Food!/
(About 3 minutes later)
After gorging myself on the blood-red berries, and no small amount of leaves which taste oddly like fresh spinach, I lumber back over to the rubber tree to try again, this time laying my spines flat like they should have been the first time. Feeling myself being lifted at high speed, I let go of the tree at the proper time, getting a nice view of the canopy a hundred feet below while hurtling through the air at possibly fatal speeds.
I roll up into a ball on a whim, pleased to see that the soft parts of my body, such as my face and everything on the front side of my body, were covered up by my arms and tail, ending up with me in a roughly ball-like shape. With my spines tucked in, I probably look like a large bone-plated cannonball or the strangest-looking boulder ever. /May as well enjoy the ride./ You only live once, after all. I'm just the exception that proves the rule.
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Ponyville
A nondescript blue stallion with a soft grey mane in a simple style was walking along the street on his way to get breakfast before work. He was just about to enter the cafe when something huge flew over his head, causing him to duck on instinct. With a loud crash, the odd-looking boulder bounces down the street, causing the ground to shake and cobblestones to come loose, bouncing everywhere, whole and in pieces. Still moving at a modest speed, the boulder slams into the side of the tree that doubles as a house and library, shaking more than a few leaves loose and most likely disturbing whoever was inside. There was an exclamation from inside and a bright flash, and all was silent, as everypony had run for cover at the first sign of danger, and would not reappear until the sound of the recently installed all-clear horn.
“Just another day in Ponyville,” the stallion sighs as he opens the door to the cafe and heads inside, taking care to lock it behind him. Standard procedure, just in case that rock turned out to be a monster. You never knew what magic could do.
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/Oof... rough landing. I'll have to learn how to fix that later, gotta get a bearing on my surroundings first./ I unrolled ever so slightly to find myself looking at everything... upside down. Of course. What's this feeling... /Oh no no no no no NO NO NO...../
Hurriedly unrolling myself to the maximum and flailing to my feet, I quickly scrape a small hole into the earth and vomit into it, filling it in again afterwards. So much for breakfast.
Blech. /Note to self, do NOT eat before launching myself from trees. I bet it was probably the roll that did me in, though.... Anyway, where am I? Looks like a medieval town of some sort.... apart from this tree. Seriously, who hollows out a tree and.... wow. Just wow. It's a library too? I hope they've got some serious fireproofing, because I sure as hell would./
Suddenly, I get the feeling I'm being stared at. Looking around, I see out of the corner of my eye a small bush slowly creeping toward me. I pretend I don't see it moving and slowly walk past it when it stops moving, only to pick it up and reveal.... are these ponies? Adorable, sentient ponies with intelligence shining in their frightened eyes? /Why are they looking at me like that... oh./ Giant thing with big teeth and spikes and a red-stained face from the berries I ate and vomited. /Not the friendliest looking creature here, no sir./
I set the bush back down, and think of what to do. /Bah, I can't speak, can't try and reason with them. These claws are no good for writing either, I'd say. Too inflexible. I doubt they'd be able to read my language anyway... The odds of them being able to would be stupidly small./
Shnk!
Ah snap, now I've got foot-long hooked claws in place of the short ones... well, at least they're -slightly- more flexible now. Flexing them, I pull them back in after most likely scaring the little ponies, shuddering at the feel of what would be the equivalent of a human pulling their fingernails back into their fingers.
Speaking of the little ponies, why are they still here and scared out of their minds? I lift the bush up again and find that one of them has fainted (at least I hope it's a her, they all look feminine).... the one on the left, bright yellow with a red mane with a pink bow tied into it. Shaking my head in amusement, I scoop up the little white one with a dual-colored mane and tiny horn, then I place her on my head like a bizarre hat to see their reactions. The orange one rushes up and starts pounding on my leg. Seeing as it doesn't hurt, I'm just going to let her wear herself out while I think on what to do next...
/Wait, do I smell pastries? More specifically, fruit-filled pastries?/ Seeing as my new nose is going haywire, must be so. Deciding to go find them, I get interrupted by a scream.
Oh, right, the pony on my head. /Gotta love my easily-distracted mind sometimes./
I give an exasperated huff and flick my ears back, why can't they understand I'm not here to hurt them? And shouldn't there be a town guard or law enforcement here by now? /I'm a giant scary beast in a town most likely full of ponies that I could probably pick up with one hand and nobody's tried to stop me!... Damn, I'm starting to think like a monster now. Bad Jack!... Whatever. It's not like there are mind readers here anyway. Bah, these ponies need to lighten up./ I scoop up what I assume to be the white pony's friends, one tired, orange and winged with a purple mane and tail, and the other who fainted (I'm hoping that yellow is her natural fur color otherwise this is a really dumb idea) and set them alongside the small unicorn, all of them scrambling up to the large spines and rough plates on my upper back, shoulders, and neck for a better grip. Considering that I'm sort of hunched over, it makes a large platform for them to stand on.
With a satisfied grunt, I start trudging through the seemingly deserted town to find those delicious-smelling pastries.
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Sugarcube Corner
/Well, I'll be damned./ I still have no idea if I can read their language, but I know for a fact this is a pastry shop because of the way it looks.
It's a giant friggin' gingerbread house. With a cupcake swing sign. Need I say more?
The little pony friends sitting on my back seem to have lightened up somewhat on the way here, enough to whisper to each other, but not quietly enough that I can't hear most of what they are saying. Still haven't picked up any names, though. They don't seem to be frightened anymore, which is good. Heck, one of them is smacking their hoof against my armor now, bet it's the orange one. The yellow one with the bow has woken up too, which is less weight on my conscience.. I attempt to enter the building and encounter another problem.
I can't fit through the door, at least not half-upright the way I have to stand in this body. /What to do, what to do... Idea!/ I lay flat on my stomach facing the door, allowing the follies? Fuelers? Fillies, I think it was? Yes, fillies to get off my back. They quickly trot over to the door and are pulled in by three pairs of hooves, one blue, one orange, and one white, and the door slams shut, with the sound of hooves retreating from the door. I get back up and digest the information this has given me.
/Okay, so the town's not abandoned, they're all just scared by me. Now what?/ (gurgle) /Well, now I find my own way inside./ That door's probably out, I'll test it just to be certain. The door opens with a bell tinkling loudly as I lay back down on my stomach, then stick my head in up to the shoulders. /Nobody in here? They must have gone into the back room./ I turn onto my side and just barely squeeze through the door, ending up on my forearms and hind legs in an odd sort of crawl.
(sniff sniff)
/Geez, talk about sugar overload. I can smell it everywhere in here./ Considering that there are large cabinets just full of pastries here, there must be pastries beyond their prime somewhere around here. You can't always sell everything in stock, after all. Taking another quick sniff, I deduce that the cabinets furthest from the door are the least fresh, and that probably means the castoffs box is somewhere nearby. Flicking out my claws, I ease my left arm over the counter and feel out a large wooden box. I pull it out and see that it's full of slightly singed, un-iced, and stale pastries. /Success./
I scrape myself outside with the box, clamp it between my teeth, and haul ass out of town. /Don't want to keep the ponies stuck inside for too long, cabin fever is annoying for all involved./ Learning that firsthand was an aggravating experience, to say the least. I won't bore you with the details, that was part of my human life and that, my friend, is long over.
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A group of nine ponies hiding in the back of Sugarcube Corner heard the door close and the beast stomp away.
“Is it gone, Pinkie? Did that dreadful beast leave?” A white pony with an expertly cared-for mane asked, as she came out from a cupboard. A pink pony with a curly mane of a deeper shade of pink pops out from behind her, overbalancing and knocking both of them to the polished wooden floor. Pinkie scrambles up to the window and peeks out.
“Yuppers! It even took the box of castoffs with it! Now I don't have to eat them myself!” Pinkie replies cheerfully. She bounces over to the hiding places of her other friends and helps them climb out. The only ones not happy were three small fillies that had been pulled away from their new friend whose name they never even got. They were busy discussing how to find him again, why he was awesome, and why he smelled like freshly turned earth (as described by Applebloom) instead of how to find their cutie marks, which was highly unusual.
“Girls, that, that... thing is highly dangerous, we don't know what it's capable of! It might hurt you, or worse, eat you!” the ever-knowledgeable Twilight Sparkle said.
“But it...” Applebloom starts, but Applejack wouldn't have any of it.
“Applebloom, when we're given the all-clear, we're goin' straight home, ya hear? Yer NOT gonna go after that beast! No ifs, ands, or buts!”
“That goes the same for you, Sweetie Belle. You are to stay as far from that dreadful thing as possible!” Rarity told her little sister.
“But Rainbow Dash would go after it!” Scootaloo argued.
“I would, Scoots, but I know when I can win, when I can lose, and when I can be smashed into a pancake. Just let it go.” Rainbow said, being mature for once.
“I still think it was just hungry,” Fluttershy said, shuffling her hooves, but was ultimately too quiet to hear.
No further arguments were made, and the ponies dispersed to their homes when they heard the sound of the all-clear horn. Nopony notices the Cutie Mark Crusaders share a glance that all but screams what their intentions for tomorrow are.
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Edge of Ponyville, outside an abandoned, shabby building
I've found a decent place to crash for the night, seeing as there are no ponies in view and the sun is setting. I pop open the door and squeeze myself inside, taking more than a little of the door frame with me. /Oops./
Shutting the door behind me, I look around for something reasonably soft to sleep on, like a couch or mattress, and find a mattress that's just my size in one of the back rooms. It smells a bit like old cheese, along with an oddly familiar smell that I can't place, but it will work for now. I set my box of pastries in the corner and flop onto the mattress, hearing the springs groan at my weight. /Damnit, this is getting old fast./ Maybe if I get some sleep, everything will be better in the morning.... hopefully....
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Scootaloo slowly trudges along the path to the abandoned house where she has taken up residence after fleeing the orphanage. It had been a long day, and she was tired. She pushes open the door, not noticing the chunks missing from the frame, and walks inside, closing the door behind her. The house was drafty enough without the breeze coming in through the wide-open door.
Stepping into her room, she drops her stuff next to a large wooden box and hopped onto the mattress where she liked to sleep. The couch was lumpy, and the other mattress had been taken over by an army of grasshoppers for whatever reason. She cuddles up to the large lump of blankets on the bed and quickly starts dozing off.
Wait. Large lump? She has only one blanket, and it wasn't thick enough to make a pile THAT big...
Peeking under the corner, she saw what she never expected to see again.
The big scary thing from earlier! It wasn't so scary while it was sleeping. Suddenly, the eyes in the big armor-plated face crack open.... and Scootaloo screams for all she is worth.
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/Bleh... who's screaming this time? Better not be my little sister, I've had it up to here with her antics./
I reach up to wipe the sleep from my eyes and crack my face with my arm, yowling in pain. I fall over backwards, hitting the floor with a muffled boom and quickly roll to my feet. /Now, who or what is screaming?... Oh. Orange pony from earlier. Did she follow me? Either way, she needs to shut up./ I -gently- pick her up and give her a skeptical look, and she shuts up and quakes in fear. /Yep. Definitely a she./ Dunno how I can tell, I just can.
Suddenly, her stomach growls and she gives a nervous grin. I put her down and turn to my box of food. Pulling out what appears to be a chocolate cupcake, I pass it over to the small pony who quickly sniffs it, then takes a bite out of it.
“Thnk yrr” she says through a mouthful of cupcake. Satisfied, I flop back onto the mattress, bouncing the filly about a foot into the air, with an exclamation of surprise. I shut my eyes to prepare for sleep again, when I feel a hoof prodding me in the side.
“Hey! I've got questions for you, ya big lug!” the orange pegasus continues poking me until I relent and sit up. /May as well, don't wanna be annoyed to death./ I raise an eyebrow and gesture for her to continue.
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Taking a deep breath, Scootaloo begins her short questionnaire.
“Okay, so, you got a name?” she asks. The friendly monster appears to ponder for a moment, then nods its head.
“Can you tell me?” Head shake.
“Want a new one?” Pondering face, then a slow nod.
The orange pegasus filly thinks for a second, then starts pelting it with suggestions.
“Buster? Armor? Fred? Snuggles?” All shakes of the head, with an emphatic shake on the last one.
“You're gonna need to give me some ideas then.” The beast seems to sigh, then steps off the mattress and stretches, popping the muscles in its back.
“How exactly is that help-” Scootaloo is interrupted by the beast standing up to its full height and flexing its forelimbs.
“You want a name involving how big you are?” The beast nods, then sits back on the mattress, this time not making Scootaloo bounce up into the air.
“How about... Giga?” Head shake. “Titan?” Nope.
“Mundo?” The beast seems surprised at this suggestion, then slowly grins and nods, the infectious smile spreading to Scootaloo and they both start laughing, Scootaloo with high-pitched snorts and the newly-christened Mundo with deep 'Hrr's. After a few minutes of this, they both wind down, and pegasus filly yawns.
“I've got school in the morning, so I guess I'll see you in the morning, Mundo?” Mundo responds with a yawn and rolls over on the mattress, quickly beginning to snore lightly. For a large monster, anyway.
Scootaloo giggles, then rolls over and follows her new friend/pet/roommate into the realm of sleep, commonly known as dreamland...