Chapters View Online
Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
Prologue: The Bar in the Basement of the Sweet Shop
It was the evening of the Summer Sun Celebration once again. Equestrian citizens always looked forward to this evening, and this time was no exception. The princesses had decided to hold the official celebration in Ponyville this year, and the citizens were hyped about it.
Sugarcube Corner was packed to the brim with ponies of all races and ages, hoping to greet the princesses. It was so loud you could barely hear yourself. A black pegasus with a silver mohawk-styled mane trudged through the crowd, feeling less than comfortable. He was surrounded on all sides by young necking couples, old bickering couples, loudmouthed colts hanging out and laughing at bad jokes, and sassy mares chatting about their latest shopping trips.
The pegasus gritted his teeth and pushed his way past several ponies, never making eye contact and hoping to get some peace and quiet somewhere. Hell, anywhere. "If I don't get out of here," he thought to himself, "I'm gonna go crazy."
Just as he was about to lose it, he saw the salvation from his migraine in the form of an arrow-shaped sign labeled Brass Pony Pub Downstairs . He silently thanked Celestia and then followed the sign into an open doorway and down a flight of stairs into a dimly-lit, almost empty room with off-white panels on the walls. He noticed a pony over in the corner tending a counter and headed over to get something to drink.
The bar pony was almost relieved to see someone walk in. He had been getting bored waiting for the customers in the sweet shop upstairs to notice that there even was a basement. “Hey! Welcome to the Brass Pony!” said the bar pony, with a thick Broncston accent. “What’ll ya have?”
“Rum and cola on the rocks. Easy on the rum, though.”
The bar pony checked his stock, but noticed he was out of regular cola. “Cherry cola okay wit' you?”
The pegasus thought for a moment. “Eh, sure.”
The bartender got out some ice and then set to work mixing the drink. “Loud up there, huh?”
“Yeah. The Cakes must have been crazy, thinking that a place this small would fit so many ponies. I'm just glad I found someplace quiet."
The bar pony seemed a bit irritated. "Hey hey hey! If you start saying that, ponies will be flooding in here faster than you can say-"
THWACK! "Work, damn it!"
The two turned their heads to see a young stallion over by the jukebox in the corner, who had somehow sneaked downstairs without them noticing. He was an earth pony with golden eyes, a blue coat, and a sapphire mane. He was trying to get the machine to play.
“...‘told you so.’ See?”
”Hey there, kid,” said the pegasus. “What’s your name?”
“Don’t call me kid.” He turned to the bar pony. “How in the name of Luna does this thing work?"
"Sorry, that thing's been broken for almost a week now."
The earth pony sighed and raised his hoof to his forehead. "Great. That's two bits I'll never get back."
"Tell you what: your first drink's on the house."
The young stallion seemed a bit happier now. "Can you get me a hard apple cider?”
“Sure thing, boy,” replied the bartender.
“Don’t call me boy,” he replied, trotting up to the table. “Just call me Note.”
“Okay then, Mr. Note.”
“So,” Note turned to the pegasus. “What’s your name, buddy?”
“I’m Thunderlane. Nice to meet you... Note, was it?”
“Noteworthy, but my friends call me Note. Nice to meet you, Thunderlane.”
Thunderlane regained his short-term memory. “Oh, yeah! You’re that pony I saw playing upstairs! How do you hold that guitar steady?”
“Years of practice, Thunder,” said Note. “Years of practice.”
Thunderlane smiled a bit. “Mind if I sit with you?”
“No problem.” Note pulled out a chair and Thunder sat down with his new friend, just as the bartender was finished making their drinks. “That was quick.”
“You got lucky. Usually this place is more crowded,” replied the bartender.
Just then, yet another stallion started descending the stairs. His gigantic hoofsteps had made it pretty clear who he was before anyone had even seen him.
“Mac!” shouted Note.
The bar pony sighed. “Me and my big mouth...”
“Howdy, Note.” replied Big Macintosh, red coat and orange mane standing out amongst the white background. He went to the table and sat down next to Note, then turned to the bar pony. “Appaloosa bourbon, please.”
“Boy, business is starting to pick up. One sec.” The bartender went to go tap the cask of bourbon he had in the back room.
“So,” Thunder said, “You two friends?”
“Eyup,” confirmed Mac.
“We met when I started dating his sister,” said Note. “It only makes sense I’d be-”
“Woah woah woah wait,” interrupted Thunder, curious. “You’re dating his sister?”
“Yeah,” said Note, sighing and picturing the mare in his head. “Finest country girl this side of Dodge. Blonde, green eyes, wonderful smile, and tough as all get out.“
“She sounds nice.”
“Believe me, she is. So, what about you? You got somepony?”
“Actually, I do. She works upstairs. Her name’s Pinkie.”
“You know Pinkie?” asked Note, raising an eyebrow. ‘She helped me get a job here!”
“No kidding?”
“Yeah. So what drew you to her?”
“Well, for one, she’s the funniest mare I’ve ever met. I like a girl who can make me smile,” he commented, a grin forming on his mouth. “Plus, she’s really talented. So, what about you, big guy? Is there a ‘Little Mac’ in your life?” Note laughed a bit at the joke.
“Eyup,” confirmed Mac, a slight grin on his face. “Her name’s Fluttershy. Real nice, real quiet, real gentle. And a sweet talker like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Fluttershy...” repeated Thunder, gathering his thoughts. “She runs the pet place, right?”
“Eyup. She’s also a veterinarian.”
“He got himself a nice catch, if I do say so myself,” pitched in Note. "So, Mac, what are you doing down here?"
"I saw you running down here like your mane was on fire. I came down to see if you were alright."
"Can I help it if the music upstairs sucks?" asked Note, sipping his cider. "Unrelated question, Mac: have you seen Caramel?"
"I invited him downstairs with me, but he said he'd be a minute."
Almost on cue, yet another stallion walked in. This time it was a stallion around Note’s age, who was looking as cheerful as he could be. “Hi guys, what’s happening?”
Big Mac turned around to see the lanky, tan-coated, brown-maned figure of his cousin at the bottom of the Stairs. “Howdy, cousin Caramel.”
“Hi, Mac!” the stallion took his place at the table. “Where’s the bartender?”
“I’m right here,” said the bar pony, returning with Mac’s bourbon. “What can I do for you?”
“Get me a White Stalliongrad, please. I’m in a good mood.” The bartender sighed and set to work getting the cream and vodka. Tonight was gonna be a long night if this kind of nonsense kept up.
“What’s the occasion, Caramel?” asked Note.
“I’ll tell you later,” replied the tan stallion. “But it involves me and Twilight.”
“Wait, you mean Princess Twilight?” asked Thunderlane.
“Yep. I’m incredibly close to being the first prince to come out of Manehattan!”
“Well, it’s an honor to meet a future prince,” said Thunder, extending his hoof. “My name’s Thunderlane.”
Caramel shook Thunder’s hoof. “Oh! I think I’ve heard of you! You’re a wonderbolt, right?”
“Yeah, I just finished training a few weeks ago.”
“Oh, congratulations, dude!" said Note, patting Thunder on the back. "You meet any of the big names?”
“Spitfire and Soarin were my commanders. And I’m good friends with Rainbow Dash.”
“You mean the ‘Record-Breaking Rookie?’ Sweet!”
Caramel started laughing. “You know, I heard a rumor about you two,” he pointed out.
“I’m not dating her, if that’s what you’re implying. I’m dating somepony else already.”
"Can we get a second opinion on that?" asked Note, laughing at his own joke.
“Actually, I can vouch for him,” said a Southern-sounding voice from the stairs, “I’m his commander, after all.” Everypony turned around and saw a familiar, smilng face descending the stairs. It was the lead star of the wonderbolts: Soarin.
“Woah-ho-ho! We got a celebrity down here!”, said Caramel, getting extremely excited.
“Yeah. A celebrity who could go for an appletini, if it ain't too much trouble.” The bartender sighed and set to work again. This was getting ridiculous.
Soarin approached the table, but realized that there were only four seats. They pushed another table in, and took the time to converse with the Star Wonderbolt. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Soarin!” said Caramel, grinning wildly.
“So, you recognize me?”
“I’m a big sports fan, what can I say?”
Soarin was a bit flattered. “You know, if I’m gonna be talking to you, it'd probably be good to catch your names first.”
“I’m Caramel. This is my friend Note, my cousin Big Mac, and you know Thunderlane already.”
“Nice to meet y'all. It’s nice to know who I'm with sometimes.” After the ponies set up the table to accommodate another pony or two, Soarin took a seat next to Thunderlane. “So how’s old ‘Silver Thunder’ doin' for himself?”
“Pretty well, sir,” replied the black pegasus, nervously.
“You don’t have to call me sir, Thunder. We’re not at the academy. Just call me Soarin.”
“Okay, sir- uh, Soarin. How are things?”
“Can’t complain, really. Dash is still as energetic as ever.”
“Wait,” butted in Note, “you’re dating Rainbow Dash?”
“What can I say? She’s feisty, she’s quick, an' she treats me well.”
“Well, I’m sure you two are very happy together.”
“We are, believe. So, who else here is taken?”
“Well,” said Note, “I’m with this girl Applejack, Big Mac’s with Fluttershy, Caramel here is with Twilight...”
“Princess Twilight?”
“That’s the one. And you probably know about Thunder and Pinkie Pie, right?”
“Yep. We caught 'em together at the base, actually.”
“Wait, what?” asked Caramel, bursting into laughter.
Thunderlane blushed a bit. “It’s a long story.”
“Can’t wait to hear it,” smirked Mac.
“Hear what?” said yet another voice from across the room.
“Oh, come the hay on!” yelled the bartender, who already had his hooves full.
The other ponies turned and saw something unusual: a small purple reptile, who had apparently gotten curious and headed downstairs. He recognized one of the ponies at the table. “Oh, hey Caramel!”
“Hi, little fella,” replied the tan pony, unaffected by the presence of the drake.
“Um.. who... what are you?” asked Note, confused.
“I’m Spike. I’m a dragon. Nice to meet you.”
“Well, Spike, I’m Noteworthy, this is Thunderlane, Soarin, Big Macintosh, and I’m guessing you already know Caramel.”
“Yeah,” said Caramel. “He lives with Twilight.”
“Yep. She’s a real piece of work, believe you me.” Spike and Caramel shared a laugh, and the others joined in for a second or two.
“So, how old are you?” asked Soarin.
“In pony years, about 15. In dragon years, about 21.”
“Wait, aren't dragons supposed to live longer than ponies?” pointed out Note.
“We do, but it’s kinda complicated. So, what were you guys talking about?”
“It’s... romantic stuff, you probably wouldn’t understand,” said Thunder.
“Au contraire,” retorted Spike. “I’ve actually got a special somepony.”
"Oh, we got a little Casanova here," chuckled Note.
“Really? Who?” asked Mac, genuinely curious.
“She’s only the most beautiful mare in all of Ponyville. Her name is Rarity.” Spike sighed. The name alone made him feel lovestruck.
“Rarity Belle? The dressmaker?”
“I didn’t know she was into... well... reptiles,” said Note, confused. The rest of the table chuckled a bit.
“She doesn’t like to discuss it. She says it’s taboo or something.”
“You want to talk taboo?” asked Mac, starting to chuckle a bit. “Some time I oughta tell you about my cousin Braeburn. Or Fluttershy’s newest friend.”
“My ears are burning, Mr. Macintosh,” said a voice from nowhere. Everyone in the room jumped in their seats a bit, searching for the source.
“Ugh...” said the bartender, who had just finished making the last of the previous three drinks. “I dunno who you are, but you had better be the last one.”
“Don’t worry, most everypony else has gone home,” said the voice.
“Most?”
“There are seven left upstairs, and they’re all busy talking.”
“Okay,” said the bar pony, calming down. “What can I get for you..." the bar pony paused and looked around, but saw no one else. "...Whoever you are?”
“Whoops. Forgot to make my entrance.” With a snapping of fingers, the final guest arrived in front of the bar , revealing himself to be the draconequine embodiment of chaos himself, Discord. There was a collective 'woah' from the six other patrons. “Now, my good pony, would you kindly mix me up a chocolate malt liquor?”
The bar pony was shocked by the sudden appearance of this odd creature, but decided not to question it. “Fine. Whatever you say. Anything for the little guy?”
“Just coffee, thanks,” said Spike.
“Alright, I can do coffee. Just wait a sec.” The Bar pony went back to work and the newcomer stood up in front of the group.
“Um, hi there,” said Note. “I’m-”
“Noteworthy. And the rest of you are Big Macintosh, Caramel, Soarin, Thunderlane and Spike. I know your names, thank you very much.”
The group, with the exception of Spike and Big Macintosh, was shocked by this. “How did you-”
“I've been reading the story,” replied the draconequus. “Really, such odd characters, the lot of you. Anyways, gentlecolts, allow me to introduce myself.” He stood up and hit the jukebox, which started up with a little jolt of electricity.
"Oh, now the jukebox works!" said Note, a bit irritated.
"Ahem." Note stopped talking and payed attention to the majestic creature before him. Orchestral music started to play in the background, as if he were about to present a documentary of a famous general. “I have live for many centuries, and have gone by many titles. I am the god of chaos. I am the prince of the impossible and the illogical. The ever watching, all seeing-”
“His name is Discord,” said Mac, his face as stoic as usual.
The music came to an abrupt halt and Discord sunk a bit. “...what he said,” he added, lowering his bushy eyebrows. The rest of the table laughed as Discord conjured up a chair and took his seat.
“I’ve heard about you,” chuckled Soarin, still a little in awe of the draconequus. “You seem oddly pleasant for a guy who was trying to turn reality upside down a year or two ago. What happened?”
“Long story short, I made a friend. And then some other things happened which I don’t care to discuss right now. So, where were we when I waltzed in?”
“I think Thunderlane here was about to tell us about how he got caught in the act,” said Caramel, grinning from ear to ear. Everyone else started snickering.
“Oh, I’d very much like to hear this,” said Discord, levitating his drink over from the counter. "Thank you for the drinks, by the way, sir."
"No problem!" replied the bar pony.
"Now, getting back to you..." said Discord, a bit maliciously.
Thunderlane blushed. “I don’t know if I-”
“Oh come on, Thunder, we promise not to make fun of you,” said Note.
“Well...”
“Stop being so self-conscious and just tell the story. And don’t skimp on the details.”
Apparently there was no way around telling the story. So, Thunder swallowed his pride with a sip of his rum and cherry cola and decided to tell them all about his night with Pinkie. ”Alright,” he said, getting serious. “Let’s start from the beginning...”
Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
Chapter One: Equestrian Pie
Thunder cleared his throat and gathered his memories, recalling the tale in his mind. “It all started about five months ago.”
“Great opening line there, Thunder,” replied Note.
Thunderlane disregarded the snarky comment and continued. “Back when I was starting out at the academy, I used to date this mare named Blossomforth. She had pink and green striped hair, she was nice and she spent a lot of time with me. However, we never really got a good connection going. I mean, I wanted to give it a shot and see where it went, but Blossomforth wasn’t really feeling up to it. So she said goodbye, and that was that.”
“That’s it?” asked Spike.
“You can't have just broken up for no reason,” said Discord, "that makes no sense!"
“Well... there was something unfortunate that happened that morning...”
I was just walking through town, coughing and wheezing up a storm. It was tough enough that I had to do about twenty drills every day, but having to fly to and from Cloudsdale and the farther side of Ponyville was wearing me out.
I was just about ready to drop when I came up to the front door of Blossomforth’s house. I was hoping to have a drink and a nice, quiet nap on the sofa. Unfortunately, when I opened the door, I found the couch was... already occupied.
“Blossomforth!”
“Thunderlane?”
The stallion underneath her looked up. “Wait, who's this guy?”
"I'm her coltfriend!"
Blossom was just staring daggers at me. "...not anymore, Thunder. Get out."
"But... Blossom..."
"I said get out!"
So... I did.
“Oh dear Celestia...” said Spike.
Thunderlane had been taken out of the moment and he once again found himself amongst his drinking buddies. This time, he didn’t mind.
“That’s awful,” said Caramel, cringing a bit.
“Yeah. Needless to say, my day was effectively ruined. So, I did what I always do when I’m feeling down. I went to Sugarcube Corner to have a slice of pie. That’s where I saw Pinkie Pie, sitting and working the register. I had my head hung towards the ground, but she could tell it was me instantly.”
“Oh. Hey, Thunderlane.”
“Hi Pinkie.” When I looked up, I noticed she was half-asleep. “Are you alright? You look like you have insomnia or something.”
“I had a long night foal-sitting for the Cakes. Apparently they were going to dinner.”
I sighed and hung my head again. “That’s nice.”
“What’s wrong? You don’t look very happy to see me.”
“I’ve been under the weather recently.”
“They’ve got you doing stormcloud duty again?”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“What happened, then?”
“Well... me and Blossomforth...” I choked on my words. No matter how much I tried I just couldn’t say it.
“Oh...” Pinkie knew what had happened. She can read faces like an open book. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t worry about it. Just get me a slice of pie or something.”
“Apple, Peach, Cherry, Coconut Cream, Banana Cream, Key Lime or Pumpkin?”
“Banana.”
“Mr. Cake!” she called to the kitchen. “One slice of Banana Cream!” She turned back to me. I was slumped over the counter like a sack of flour. Somehow, we shared a mutual feeling right there. Pinkie didn’t like seeing ponies when they were miserable, and I didn’t like being miserable.
“I just don’t know what to do, Pinkie. And you’re the only one around here that I can count on to cheer me up.”
Pinkie got an idea. I could see the little lightbulb come on. “You know, I get off work in about two hours. Maybe we could, I don’t know, go for a walk in Whitetail Woods?”
I perked up a bit. “Are you... asking me out?”
“I guess you could say that.”
“Are you serious?”
“Well, why not? We’re good friends. And a good friend always helps you out. So, what do you say? Wanna come with?”
I hesitated for a moment, but I agreed. “Okay. How does five o’clock sound?”
“Sounds good to me!” Pinkie started upstairs, but she got stopped by Mr. Cake.
“Pinkie, you forgot to give the customer his pie.”
“Whoops. Heh heh..." she was blushing a bit. "I guess I can’t fall short on the promise of pie. Here you go, Thunder!”
“Thanks, Pinkie,” I said, taking my first bite. “I’ll meet up with you at Whitetail Woods later. Don’t be late.”
“I'll be right on time.”
“And was she?” asked Spike, getting interested.
Thunderlane, shifting back into the present, nodded. “Yep. I showed up early, just to make sure that she kept her promise. Lucky for me, Pinkie is good at keeping promises.”
“So, when do we get to the good part?” asked Note.
“I’m getting to that, just shut up for a minute and listen. Anyway, we started walking together into the woods, and that’s where...” Thunder paused, a little light going off in his head. “Huh.”
“What?” asked Caramel.
“That’s where we ran into... Big Mac.” The red stallion gulped a little. He remembered this part and he was a little embarrassed to hear it.
“Oh! Uh... Hey Pinkie,” said Mac, looking incredibly nervous.
“Hey, Big Mac! Where are you headed?”
“If Applejack asks, I was just here taking a walk. And nothing else.”
“Um... okay!”
“Out of curiosity...” began Soarin.
Thunderlane snapped back to reality, his concentration broken by yet another interruption.
Soarin continued. “...what were you doing in Whitetail Woods, Mac?”
“I’ll talk about it later, after Thunder’s finished,” said Mac, biting his lower lip.
“I’m holding you to that, Mac,” said Note, grinning deviously. “And it better be good.”
Thunderlane ignored the surrounding weirdness and went back to his story, regathering his thoughts. “Okay, then. Where was I?”
“What the hay was all that about?” I asked.
“Don’t worry about Mac. I want to talk about you,” said Pinkie.
“What about me?”
“I’m just curious, what does a Wonderbolt-in-training like you do all day?”
“Well, there’s not much to it. I wake up early for the morning drills, we practice flying, eat lunch, practice some more and then we get some time off in the afternoon to do whatever we want before heading back again for some more drills. Then we go to bed and the process starts all over again.”
“So, what do you do to pass the time when you’re not at training camp?”
“Well, that kind of depends on what there is to do. Sometimes I just go to the theater and watch some stand-up.”
“Really? You know, I’ve always thought about doing stand-up.”
“No kidding? Then why don’t you go and try it?”
“Because I don’t think I could stand the pressure. I mean, what if they don’t like me?”
“How could anypony not like you?”
“I don’t know, but it still happens.”
“Well, I like you.”
“And I’m glad you do. I love having good friends like you.”
I was starting to feel a little confident. “Is there anything else you love?”
“Well, I really like baking, pulling pranks, and I’m pretty good with kids. At least, the Cakes seem to think so. I mean, they let me foal-sit for them, so they must think I know what I'm doing. Because I do know how to deal with them. Sorry, I got a little off-track there. What were you saying?”
“I’m just curious... why did you ask me out?”
“What do you mean?”
“You have a lot of friends, all over town. But tonight you went out of your way to spend time with me, and ask me about myself. Why'd you do that?”
“Well, you looked so sad earlier. I figured that some time with me would cheer you up.”
At this point, I was beginning to lose confidence. “So is this out of pity?”
“No, this is out of me wanting to show you something special. Because I really care about you and I want you to be happy.” She suddenly looked concerned. “You are happy, aren’t you? Please tell me you’re happy!”
“I am! I’m more than happy. I’m actually... kind of flattered.”
“Well, don’t get too flat. You might blow away.”
I smiled at her. In that moment, I felt an uncontrollable urge to just... hug her. So, I took a deep breath, put my arms round her, and kissed her, full on the lips. She was shocked, but then realized that she didn’t mind. She put her arms around me, and we locked lips for almost three minutes. It was the greatest feeling I'd had in a long time.
“So that was your first date, huh? Everything went according to plan?” asked Discord, slightly losing interest.
Thunderlane was a little tired of being interrupted at this point. “I'm not even finished with the first date yet. I had a couple of hours left to spend with Pinkie, so we decided to walk over to her house. On the way back, though, we ran into another friend of Pinkie’s. I think it was Mac’s sister, actually."
“Hey, have either of y’all seen Mac?”
“Yeah, he said he was taking a walk and nothing else. And then he ran off.”
“Was he coming through here or going the other way?”
“I think he was going the other way. Why do you ask?”
“I was just curious. If you’ll pardon me for a moment, I’m going to go have a little chat with my brother. And whoever happens to be with him.” She zipped off, leaving us both confused.
“Applejack had to get involved?” asked Note. “Mac, this story better have a good payoff, or everyone here is going to be really disappointed.”
“Can we forget about me for one second and focus on Thunder?” asked Mac, desperate to change the subject.
“Okay then,” continued Thunder. “Like I said earlier, we walked home. Once we were there, we decided to have a drink of cider together and we swapped stories about work and family and friends. Did you know Pinkie’s family was Puritan?”
“I think she mentioned it once...” said Spike, trying to remember.
“Anyways, we spent about half an hour there, and I’ll admit, I got a little tipsy.”
“Let me tell you something,” I said. “Spitfire... is one of the craziest ponies you’ll ever meet. She’ll be nice one minute and then, the minute you least expect it, bam! She’s up in your face like a... I don’t know, something funny.”
“Like an... avocado mask?”
I laughed louder than I should have. “You are the funniest pony I know!”
“And you’re the handsomest pony I know.”
I noticed the clock out of the corner of my eye. “You know, maybe I should head back to the academy. It’s getting late.”
“Maybe I could come with you. There’s no rule against that, is there?”
“I don’t know, Pinkie. It seems a little...um...”
"Uncouth?"
"That's the word I was looking for!"
“Can I please come? I promise I won’t get in the way.”
“Well... I guess it could be okay. I’ll have to run it by Spitfire, though.”
“Don’t worry, Thundy. I’ll be good.”
"Long story short, we made our way up to Cloudsdale, which is where things start getting interesting. And wouldn’t you know it, the first pony I run into is Rainbow Dash. Who, as it turns out, is another friend of Pinkie’s."
“All those friends... Have you considered rethinking your relationship?” asked Note, sarcastically. Everyone at the table laughed except for Thunderlane, who continued the story.
“Anyway...”
“Pinkie? What are you doing up here?”
“Hi Dashie! I’m spending the day with Thunderlane.”
Dash turned to me. “Is she allowed to do that?”
“I’m going to go clear it by the commander. Hopefully she’ll understand.”
“Hopefully I’ll understand what?” I slowly turned around. Sure enough, standing right behind me was Spitfire, my commanding officer.
“Sounds like trouble.” interrupted Caramel. "How will he get out of this one?" Everypony at the table laughed, except for Thunderlane.
He glared at the pony who had interrupted him with a nasty look. “Who’s telling the story here, Caramel?”
“Oh. Right. Sorry.”
“Now if I can continue without being interrupted again...”
“Oh... hi Spitfire...”
“That’s Commander Spitfire to you.”
“Sorry, ma’am.”
“Now what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”
“I...uh... brought my girlfriend to camp, ma'am. Is that okay?”
“You brought Blossomforth to camp?” interrupted Dash. “Where is she?”
“Blossomforth... isn’t my girlfriend anymore.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”
“So, where is your girlfriend?” asked Spitfire, not wanting to waste any time.
“This is her right here, ma'am. Her name is Pinkie Pie.”
“Wait...” Spitfire gathered her thoughts. “Aren’t you the one who sent Private Dash that care package the other week?”
“Maybe.”
“Exactly how many of my cadets do you know?”
“Well, I’m not exactly sure where to start...”
“Excuse me, commander,” I said, trying to get her attention.
“I assume that you want me to give you the clear to bring in Miss Pie?”
“Well, I was hoping you would...”
Spitfire considered the situation. She had to keep up appearances, but she knew that this sort of behavior wasn’t exactly below her. “Okay. But if anything happens between you two, I don’t want to hear about it. And tomorrow,” she motioned to Pinkie, “you had better get out of here.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Alright. You can share your quarters with her, Thunderlane, but first, you’ve got to get through the evening drills just like everypony else.”
“Yes ma’am,” I groaned, and walked off with Dash and Spitfire. “See you later, Pinkie. I’ll meet you in Room 34.”
“Sounds fun! See ya, Thundy!”
Thunder pre-emptively broke his own concentration to check on the listeners. “Just in case you’re getting bored, don’t worry. This is the good part.”
“Well, don’t let us stop you,” said Note.
“I went off to do my drills and meanwhile, Pinkie had found her way into my room. She had set up this whole elaborate romantic scene. Dimmed lighting, rose petals on the sheets, the whole shebang. She was even wearing a pair of lacy black socks just for me. Needless to say, I was a bit confused.”
“Well, don’t you look nice?”
“Thanks. Care to come inside?”
“Way ahead of you.” I closed the door and locked it. I like a bit of privacy when mares are involved. “So, why are you wearing those socks? It’s not that cold in here...”
“You’re right. If anything I’d say it just got... hotter,” she whispered, slowly and seductively taking her socks off. “Maybe it’s just you.”
“Or maybe it’s the candles you lit...”
“Oh, don’t play dumb, Thunder. I know you’re smarter than that.” She got up on four legs and then bent over, showing me her generously-sized plot. I couldn't think straight with her butt aimed at my face..
“Pinkie, what’s gotten into you?”
“Oh, nothing...” She spread her legs, giving me a full view of her... how should I put this: everything. “...yet.”
“Oh my...” I started turning red in the face. I hadn't even gotten to this point with Blossomforth, but Pinkie wasn't fooling around with me. “Are you sure about this, Pinkie?”
Pinkie turned around and looked straight at me. “Trust me, Thundy, this is going to be the best night EVER.”
“But don’t you think-”
“Ready or not, here I come!”
And then, Pinkie just jumped on top of me, and kissed me harder than ever before. She was ready for a long, hard session of love-making.
I decided not to hesitate, grabbed hold of Pinkie and rolled on top of her, caressing every single inch of her body with my hooves, from her teats to the backs of her wiggling ears.
“Cut it out! That...that...” she managed to get out between her laughing fits, “ that tickles!”
“I haven’t even done anything yet.”
After a good deal of kissing and touching, we got up and relocated to the bed. Pinkie noticed that my heart-rate had increased a great deal, as was evidenced by my... (ahem) erection.
“Wow, that’s the biggest I've ever seen.”
“Thanks- wait, you've seen others?”
“Well, not on purpose...”
“Forget I asked.”
“Do you... mind if I try it out?”
“Hold on. I've got something I want to try first.” I got out a bottle of skin lotion from under the bed and squirted out a pump or two.
“What’s that for?”
“You’ll see.”
I rubbed the lotion onto my crotch and began to smile. “Spread those legs again.” Pinkie complied and once again showed off her smooth, silky vagina.
After taking a moment to admire her natural beauty, I let my animalistic tendencies kick in and I quickly inserted myself into her pussy.
“Yikes!”
“Hold on, I’m not all the way in yet.” Once I was in completely, Pinkie was pumped up and ready for what was about to come next. She moaned, but she smiled happily.
I set to work and thrust further into Pinkie’s vagina, before backing off and going in again, and again, and again as long as I could. Pinkie was having the time of her life. “It’s like... being on... a trampoline!” Pinkie panted.
“Yeah. Except... the trampoline... is jumping... on you.”
I was sweating bullets and going in and out as hardly and quickly as I could. I was getting tired, but I never stopped or slowed down. I knew that the job wasn't going to finish itself.
Suddenly, I felt like something inside had softened up. We kept going faster until finally, I felt a squirt of something warm and sticky inside Pinkie. I had climaxed, and I’m pretty sure she had as well.
I removed my aching dick from Pinkie and laid down on the bed.
“That...” she said in between breaths, “was great.”
“Yeah. Shame it didn’t last longer.”
Pinkie thought for a moment. “Maybe we could try something else.” Pinkie crawled on top of me, the opposite way, and began round two by putting her mouth on my penis. She sucked on it like a lollipop. I had never experienced that before. It felt wonderful.
“Woah...keep going. I like that.”
“It tastes kinda... weird. Like...salty, melted ice cream. I guess it’s not so bad.”
“I’ve got an idea.”
I decided to give Pinkie a similar treatment, and proceeded to stick my tongue into her nether regions, licking the insides like icing off of a cake.
“You wele ligh,” I tried to say, “id doe tase weir.”
Pinkie started using her own tongue to help me get off again, wrapping it around my member and jerking it as much as she could. Meanwhile, I had worked my way to her teats, which I started to suck on until she gave milk.
“I... thin... I’m almos...” Pinkie’s tongue had done it’s job. She had finished jerking me, and my dick proceeded to foam up like a shaken bottle of soda and sprayed into her mouth. I, meanwhile, had finished sampling her breastmilk and cum.
Our sheets were an absolutely wrinkled, semen-soaked mess, but neither of us particularly cared. We had had a wonderful time together and that was all we wanted.
“It was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. My heart felt like it was about to burst.”
The rest of the table was deathly silent. They were impressed by Thunder’s almost poetic description of the act, and at the same time a bit shocked that he was talking about it at all. “Well?” asked Mac.
“Well what?”
“What happened next?” asked Note, his interest rekindled.
Thunderlane sighed. “Well, the joy didn’t last long. Because as soon as we thought we were safe, we heard something that almost scared us both to death.”
A knock came on the door. Both of us panicked. Pinkie got off of me and I tried to hide the evidence of... well, you know.
“Who is it?” Pinkie asked innocently.
“It’s Rainbow Dash. What in the name of Luna are you two doing in there?”
“Umm... nothing. Just playing a game.”
“Does this game have a name that I would recognize?”
“Look, Dashie, isn’t it time for bed?
“That’s why I came over here. You woke me up!”
“Well, we’re done playing right now, so we’ll just pack everything up.”
“Can’t I at least see you? I’m getting tired of talking through the door.”
Pinkie realized she couldn’t hide forever and unlocked the door, slipping her head in through the cracks. “Do you promise not to tell anypony about this?”
“About what?”
“Just get in and close the door.”
Rainbow didn't see why she had to keep secrets, but she went along with it. She saw me, still in the middle of cleaning up. “Thunder, what are you doing?” She sniffed the air and then covered her snout. “And why does it smell like dead fish in here?”
“Like I said,” Pinkie explained, “we were playing a game...”
Something clicked in Rainbow Dash’s mind. She then got incredibly concerned. “You kept it on the bed, right?”
“Well...”
Rainbow floated off the floor, not wanting to hear the answer. “Thunder, what the hay were you thinking? You know that this kind of thing is against the rules!”
“It was my idea,” said Pinkie. “He just went along with it.”
“To be fair,” I pointed out, “I was responsible for half of what we-”
Rainbow covered her ears. “Look, I don’t want to hear about it. If word of this gets out to Spitfire, both of you are in serious trouble, so you both better keep quiet. Got it?”
“Got it,” Pinkie whispered.
“Good. Now go to sleep. And no more of... whatever you just did.”
Dash took her leave, and me and Pinkie were alone again.
“So... now what?” she asked
“I spend the night with you. Why would I want to do anything else?”
We smiled and shared one last kiss, and went back to bed.
“Wow, quite the story. But where does Soarin come in?” asked Caramel.
“I’m still not done yet. Anyway, we woke up peacefully the next morning, just as the sun was coming up. Insert the opening to ‘Morning Mood’ here. You know how it goes, right?”
“I think so,” said Note. “It’s that waking up piece, right?” Note hummed the tune for everyone at the table. They shared a collective ‘oooh’.
“Now, imagine that piece being suddenly interrupted by ‘Reveille.’ Don’t lie, you’ve heard that piece before.”
“Right, the bugle piece,” said Discord, pulling one out of nowhere and playing the tune in order to set the mood.
“Alright, everypony,” yelled Spitfire, “you know how this works! Get up and get in line!”
All of the doors opened, and the wonderbolts-in-training all filed out into the hall in their uniforms. All except for one.
“Where the hay is Thunderlane?” asked Soarin.
I opened the door and finished putting on my uniform, then got in line. “Sorry, Commanders. I had a little trouble...” I briefly paused to think of a reasonable excuse. “Finding my goggles.”
“I’ve told you ten times, Thunderlane, you don’t need goggles for the morning drill.” Soarin looked at the goggles hanging from my neck. “Especially if they’re not cleaned properly.”
I looked at my goggles and saw that there was something opaque and vaguely white smudged on the lens. I blushed a bit as I looked back up. “Sorry, sir.”
“Alright, everypony,” he called out. “Today is Sunday, and that means it’s visiting day. You are all allowed to invite as many ponies as you like to the base, but keep in mind, the same rules apply for all of you. Number one: No drugs or alcohol of any kind are allowed in this camp.”
I could hear several coughs being suppressed.
“Number two: No public displays of affection or intercourse on camp grounds.”
I gulped. Me and Pinkie were getting in over our heads.
“And number three: All visitors must leave camp before the end of the day. Have I made myself clear, cadets?”
“Yes, sir!” everypony replied.
“Good. Now everypony outside!”
The trainees went to take their leave. However, Spitfire blocked the way of Rainbow Dash and I.
“Except you two,” she said.
I turned red in the face. I was in too deep.
“Me?” asked Dash. “What did I do?”
“No questions,” said Soarin. “Thunder, find your mare-friend and bring her to my office.”
“How did you-?”
“Spitfire told me. Now do what I told you.”
I gulped again. “Yes, sir!”
I headed back into my room to find that Pinkie was still lying down in bed. Even though the bed was a mess, Pinkie still looked wonderful. Among the white stains, she was a rose-colored sight to behold. I almost felt guilty having to wake her up.
“Pinkie...” I whispered quietly. Pinkie’s eyes opened slowly and as she began to regain her vision, she smiled at me.
“Good morning, Thundy.”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah. Just a little tired out.” Pinkie chuckled for a second before starting to cough.
“Are you alright?”
“I was good enough, apparently.”
I chuckled a bit before getting serious again. “Look, I don’t mean to bother you, but Spitfire wants to talk, if that’s okay.”
“No problem. Lead the way, Thundy!” I led her to the office and we sat down next to Rainbow Dash. The commanders aren’t incredibly mean, but nonetheless, being in their office made me and the girls nervous, because we all knew we had something to hide.
“So,Thunderlane, care to tell me what’s going on here?”
“It’s not a pleasant story, sir.”
“I’ve definitely heard worse. What happened?”
I was sweating again nervously. The way I saw it, it was either lie and have it come back to bite me later of tell the truth and face the consequences now. So, I swallowed my pride and decided to tell the truth. “Last night, Ms. Pie and I engaged in consensual intercourse in my quarters. I take responsibility for my actions and I apologize.”
“Is that true, Ms. Pie?”
Pinkie was just as worried as I was. She had no idea she was breaking the rules, and felt awful about getting me and Dash in trouble. She was unusually quiet, but she managed to say “yes, ma’am.”
“Is that all?”
“No, sir,” said Rainbow Dash. “I entered the room later and found out the truth. I chose not to report it because I didn't want to betray my fellow cadet.”
“That’s really touching,” said Spitfire, sincerely. “But there’s still the issue of what to do with you now.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I know I’m probably in a lot of trouble...”
“Don’t worry, Thunderlane. It’s not like this hasn't happened before. Although I must admit this is a bit more sudden than last time.”
“This happened before?” asked Pinkie.
“It’s a long story,” replied Soarin.
“Another story we’ll have to hear later,” said Caramel, once again grinning like an imp.
Soarin kept a straight face. “I’d be happy to tell you. But we’ve still got one to get through.”
“Thank you, sir. As I was saying...”
“I’m not in trouble?” I asked.
“That is correct,” clarified Spitfire.
“But... I broke the rules...”
“We don’t really follow the old academy regulations too closely anymore. Besides, I’d be lying if I said I’ve never thought about doing this.”
“You... But... why...?”
“Look, Thunderlane,” “said Soarin, “you are one of the finest cadets this company has had in years. Throwing you out because of some archaic rules would be unjust behavior on my part. In fact, I’m actually rather proud that you told the truth. Most ponies would try to cover it up until there was no denying it. I might have to see about moving you and Dash up a rank.”
“Me?” asked Dash. “What did I do?”
“You stood up for your fellow officer at risk of getting into trouble yourself. That kind of loyalty is what we expect of our Wonderbolts. Is that clear?”
“Yes. Thank you sir.” Me and Dash saluted. Pinkie was relieved to see that she hadn’t gotten me in trouble. We hugged and I took her home, feeling happy as I could be. We shared a moment on the porch and I promised her I'd come by to see her again. She also promised me she'd come by to see me. We hugged, I said goodbye and flew back, feeling pretty great about myself.
“So, that’s the story?” asked Spike.
“Well, that was pretty good,” said Caramel. “I was expecting more of a twist, honestly, but-.”
“That’s still not the end of the story,” said Thunderlane.
“You mean there’s still more? What else could there be to tell?” asked Discord.
Thunderlane sighed and took another sip of his rum and cola. “Well, about a month later, Pinkie came to see me at the base again...
“Oh hey, Pinkie- oh dear Celestia!” She was pale, her eyes were dilated, and she was breathing heavily. She looked like she was going to be sick. Or maybe she was, I couldn’t tell.
“Thunder...” she gasped out. “I’m... late.”
“To see me? You didn’t set up a date with me today.”
“No, I mean late.” It took me a second to figure out what she meant. Luckily, we were able to get to the hospital wing before she threw up.
“About half an hour later, Pinkie was lying down on a hospital bed. Me, Spitfire, Soarin, and Dash were sitting close by. Naturally, I was a bit nervous-”
“The boy was shaking like the temperature had dropped to zero, but sweating like it was raised to a hundred,” clarified his superior officer. Everypony laughed, this time including Thunderlane.
“Okay, incredibly scared. But the point is, Pinkie was having problems. And I was hoping that I would find out the answers before something else crazy happened.”
The nurse walked back into the room with the results.
“Sorry to drag you off-duty like this, Commanders.”
“It’s no problem,” Spitfire responded in a more casual tone.
I was about as tense as I could get. I practically lunged at her. “What’s happening, Nurse? Is she alright? Is it my fault?”
“Mr. Thunderlane-”
“Please tell me she’s okay. Please-”
“Mister Lane!” I calmed down and let the nurse talk. “Pinkie is in stable condition. She was just experiencing morning sickness.”
“Morning sickness?” asked Spitfire. “You mean...”
“Ms. Pie, there’s really no easy way to tell you this...” The nurse paused. “...you’re pregnant. And Thunderlane is the father.”
Spike spit out his coffee. Caramel was in shock. Mac’s eyes looked ready to fall out.
“So that’s why Pinkie has been looking so chubby recently...” said Note.
“What happened next?” asked Discord.
“Well, that’s all I remember before I passed out,” said Thunderlane.
“Yikes,” said Spike.
“That’s not even the worst part of it,” said Soarin. “After he passed out, he hurled.” Everyone at the table shared a look of disgust.
“I did?” asked Thunder, unaware of what had happened while he was out cold.
“Yep. Took a while to clean up. You were out for about an hour and a half, if I remember correctly. Lucky you, they got you medical attention A-S-A-P. I told them to put you in the bed next to Pinkie. And also not to mention that you threw up.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
“Now go on, finish the story.”
“Okay. Like he said, I regained consciousness about an hour and a half later. When I woke up, the first thing I saw was Pinkie. And she was looking depressed as all get out. I don’t like seeing Pinkie when she’s feeling down.”
“Oh, my head, where am I?”
“Hospital,” she said. “Same as me.”
“Did I pass out?”
“Kind of, yeah.”
“So I wasn’t dreaming?”
“No.”
I felt the truth hit me once again like an airlifted piano. “So you’re...”
“Yeah.” She dropped her head. “I really really did love you too. What was I thinking?”
I tried to process this. I didn’t know quite how to feel, but it was clear that Pinkie was feeling bad enough as is. “Well, it’s not too bad.”
Pinkie started crying. “It is bad! I did something stupid and now I’m gonna be like this for another eight months and I’m scared-”
“Pinkie, don’t beat yourself up. Ponies in love do stupid things.”
“Can you ever forgive me?”
“I don’t need to.”
The waterworks stopped. “You don’t?”
"I’m your friend. And friends don’t let others feel lonely.”
There was a pause. Pinkie, still getting over herself, didn’t feel like talking. But I was convinced to change that.
“You ever notice that life is funny sometimes?”
“How?”
“You live out each day, expecting it to go a certain way, but sometimes it just decides to turn you around completely. And sometimes you can’t help but laugh. It’s true what they say. Life is a big joke...” I paused, as if to cue Pinkie.
“...so you might as well make it funny.” She began to sit up a little straighter.
“Exactly. I love you, you love me, and now we’ve got somepony we can share. We’d better make the most of it.”
Pinkie smiled and began to tear up. “I’d get up to kiss you, but I wouldn’t want to throw up in your mouth.”
“How about I just hug you, then?”
I picked myself up and embraced Pinkie. We were crying tears of happiness and we just wanted the moment to last forever.
The other boys were all smiling. Even Discord was shedding a tear of joy.
“So, me and Pinkie made up and I decided to make Dash the godmother for sticking with me. Which, by connection made Soarin here the godfather.”
“And he just accepted it?” asked Note.
“What can I say? It was an offer he couldn’t refuse.” Everypony couldn’t help but laugh. It was a stupid joke, but the setup was just so perfect. “So, Pinkie and I are sticking together through this. Of course, her parents, as soon as they found out, insisted that we get married. Not that either of us have a problem with that.”
“Make sure we’re on the guest list, buddy,” said Note, beginning to like his new friend.
“Pinkie’s organizing the guest list, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Anyway, Pinkie was getting pretty used to the fact that she was now carrying a child. She had no problem adjusting to her inflated diet, and she was starting to get sick less and less. There was just one noticeable detail that was making her a little uncomfortable. Or rather, two noticeable details.”
“Oof! When did they get so big and heavy?”
“Wow.” I couldn't talk, I was too awestruck by the increased size of Pinkie’s teats.
“Maybe this is why pregnant mares don’t walk around too much.”
“...”
“Thunderlane?”
“Sorry, I got... distracted...”
“She knew what was distracting me. But she never said anything.”
“You sly, lucky son of a bronc,” said Note. “You caught the big one.”
“Yeah, but catching the big one is a mother of a fight. Two months later, the fight really picked up when the mood swings started happening.”
“Pinkie-”
“I said leave me alone!” she responded through a stream of tears. “I don’t wanna talk!”
“Pinkie, don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you be sad.”
“It’s all my fault. What am I going to do?”
“Just keep calm. I need you to be strong. Plus, your tears are kind of up to my knees.”
Pinkie looked around and saw that her constant stream of tears had, in fact, flooded the room. “Oh. S-sorry.”
“It’s okay. That’s what I’m here for.” I went to get a mop. I felt sorry for Pinkie, having to go through all of this emotional turmoil, but looking after her was starting to feel like a second job. And my first job wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, either.
However, Pinkie, despite her mood swings, still managed to get some time in to see her friends and go on trips. She even accompanied her friends (and Discord) to Canterlot for a meeting with Princess Celestia.
“Oh dear Luna...” said Discord, rubbing his head, “that meeting.”
“Yet another story we’ll have to hear,” pointed out Caramel.
“Can we save me for last?” asked the god of chaos.
“Sure. Just one last thing to mention...”
I paced back and forth at the door of Pinkie Pie’s house. She had been gone three days and I was beginning to worry about her. What if something had happened? I knew I should have gone with her. The stress was starting to eat away at me.
Luckily, just as I was about to lose it, Pinkie came back. I was overjoyed to see her. We ran to each other and then we shared a warm, loving embrace, which lasted all of ten seconds before Pinkie had to vomit again.
“Heheh...whoops,” said Pinkie, embarrassed.
“Don’t sweat it. I was planning on showering anyway.”
“After that, Soarin and Spitfire gave me some time off of practice to see her, so since then we’ve been as close as can be. And in four months, I’m gonna be a married colt with a kid. And that’s pretty much all I have to tell about it.”
“Wow. Great story, Thunder,” said Note.
“Thanks. So, who wants to go next?” Everyone at the table looked over at Big Mac. He had barely said anything all night, and it was about time that he got to be the talker for once.
Mac turned redder in the face than usual and downed the remainder of his Appaloosa bourbon. “Bartender!” he shouted. “Another bourbon!” He turned to his audience. “This is gonna be a long one.”
Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
Chapter Two: The Quiet Ones
“I’m sorry if I ramble a bit. I’m not too good at storytelling.”
“Doesn’t matter to me, Mac,” said Note, grinning maliciously. “Just tell the story.”
Mac cleared his thoughts. “Okay, here goes...”
It was a cold day. One of the coldest I’ve ever seen. I remember it was snowing like there was no tomorrow. While Applejack was holed up in Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie Pie, Granny Smith was down in the cellar, and Applebloom was still stuck in school, I had to stay in the barn to make sure the snow didn’t pile up on the roof too much.
“Wait,” interrupted Soarin. “How does that work?”
“Simple. I hear a creak in the ceiling, I buck both sides of the barn so the snow falls off the roof.”
“Umm... okay then. Carry on.”
Like I said, it was cold outside. Way too cold for anything, let alone anypony, to be out there. I thought I was going to be spending a few hours alone, like I always did when a snowstorm hit. Truth be told, I’d been doing this for years and never complained, but I always wished that I could have something, or someone to pass the time with.
“Wow.” said Note.
“What?”
“I have never heard you talk this much before.”
“I got a lot to say. I just don’t always say it.”
“Mac, you are a real poet,” said Caramel.
“I ain’t sure I’m artsy enough to be a poet.”
“Well, you’re a good storyteller, to say the least.”
“Thanks, speaking of which, where was I...?”
I had been in the barn for an hour or so, but it felt like I’d been stuck in there for an entire day. The endless boredom was starting to kick in, and I wondered what my sisters were up to...
Thunk.
Suddenly, I heard a noise. It wasn’t a creak, more like a faint knock.
Thunk.
I realized it was coming from the door. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I’d be damned if I didn’t figure it out. I ran up to the door, opened it, and saw who was knocking: a pegasus, with a rose-colored mane. She was up to her knees in the snow outside. I didn’t know who she was, but I could tell that she needed in, so I didn’t ask any questions. I just helped her get inside and closed the door as soon as I could.
“How gentlecoltly of you,” piped in Discord, being genuine for once.
“Thanks.”
“You know, for a story about a blizzard, this is very pleasant," said Caramel.
Mac sighed. “It’s about to get a lot less pleasant.”
“Th... thank... you...” she whispered. Not one second later, she fell over onto the floor, bones still rattling around something fierce. I went to grab her a blanket as quickly as I could. Lucky for me, my old thick blanket was lying around, so I wrapped it around her to keep her warm. It helped, but not enough to keep her from shaking. “What’s... your name?”
“The name’s Big Macintosh. But my friends call me Mac. What about yours?”
“F... Fluttershy.”
“What were you doing out there?” I asked her.
“I was... t-taking a walk... when the st-storm hit. I c-couldn’t... see where I was going... t-too much snow...” she started coughing. This was bad. If I didn’t warm her up properly soon, she’d get a cold, or frostbite.
Mac paused for a moment to take a sip of his bourbon.
“And what?” asked Spike.
“What happened next?” asked Note, getting worried.
Mac sighed. “Now," said Mac, his voice getting uneasy, "there’s something you have to understand. Us Apples always try to help however we can, and this poor filly was gonna be in a world of misery if I didn’t help her. This is the part where things get... uncomfortable.”
In a split-second decision, I wrapped myself up in the blanket with her.
“W-what are you... d-doing?”
“You look pale as a ghost. If I don’t warm you up, you’re going to feel horrible later. Please... let me help you.”
She was scared witless. I wasn’t sure if it was the cold making her shiver or my being forward making her scared. But, she agreed. “Okay, but... please be gentle.”
“I will.”
I started rubbing her back, to get some blood flowing through her spine. That seemed to ease the shivering a bit, but still not enough to stop it. Shy was relaxing a bit more now, but she was still cold and scared and I was running out of ideas. I had to think of something quickly before she-.
“Eep!” She let out a squeal. I didn’t realize it, but while I was rubbing her back, my blood had started pumping and I, you might say, ‘got hard.’ Just then, I got an idea. It was crazy, and really stupid, but it was all I had. And an Apple never gives up if they can help it.
“Fluttershy, I don’t want to scare you, but I need you to listen to me.”
“W... what is it?”
“We’re gonna need to have sex. If we don’t, you’re gonna be sick, or worse.”
She started shaking, even more than before. “I’m scared...”
I’ll be honest, I was scared too. “Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I wanted to hit myself for even thinking of the idea in the first place. But, there was no turning back now. I grit my teeth, I mounted myself on top of her, and went in from behind.
She cringed a bit. I could tell, this was her first time. I wanted to be gentle, but I knew she wouldn’t get completely warmed up unless I put my all into it. I was going in and out of her as fast as I could without hurting her.
As I kept going, she felt less and less uncomfortable. The moaning slowly stopped and then turned into panting. She was warming up, in more than one sense of the phrase. Soon enough, she had stopped shaking, but I was still going. I had to finish what I started.
I felt a tingling sensation all of a sudden. I was going in faster and faster, and then...
Squirt!
The job was done. I thanked Celestia that my family wasn’t around to see me right now, cause I was feeling like a complete idiot.
The table was dead silent. They had never heard of anything like this before, and weren't sure how to respond.
“Let me get this straight,” said Soarin, a bit weirded out. “You had sex the first time you met her?”
“It was for medical purposes,” Mac said, trying to make an excuse. He sighed when he realized that he didn’t have a good excuse. “But yeah, I did.”
“I... don’t know how to feel right now...” said Note, feeling a little confused.
Mac sighed, still mentally beating himself up for the boneheaded move. “It was a dumb idea. I admit that. It was my hormones getting the better of me, I guess.”
“You can’t blame yourself too much,” pointed out Discord. “She could have gotten seriously ill if you hadn’t stepped in.”
“Well, now that I had stepped in, I knew there was no stepping out.”
I felt bad for Fluttershy, almost freezing to death and then having to put up with my nonsense. As soon as I got off of her, I started apologizing. “I’m awfully sorry about that. I was out of ideas, and I wasn’t thinking straight-”
“Don’t worry,” Fluttershy interrupted. “It’s okay, I don’t mind.” She was surprisingly calm for a pony I had just met, let alone had sex with. “You did what you had to. That was very nice of you.”
“Uh... thanks?”
“You’re welcome...”
We stood there uncomfortably for a while. The wind was still blowing outside, but it wasn’t loud enough to make it less awkward. I had no idea what to do now.
“Do you... um, mind if I stay here until it stops snowing? I mean, if it’s okay with you...”
“I...” I paused to weigh my options. Obviously, sending her back out into the snow wasn’t one of those options. “I don’t see why not.”
“Thanks.”
There were a couple moments of silence. She sat down, and then she started talking again.
“You know, you look kind of... familiar.”
“Really? How so?”
“I don’t know. It’s just...” she stopped for a second and realized something. “Oh! This is Applejack’s barn.” My first thought was that she must have been pretty out of it not to realize that sooner.
My second thought was: “Wait, you know Applejack?”
“Yes. She’s one of my best friends. Do you know her?”
My eyes were so bugged out you’d think I’d seen a ghost. “She’s... my sister.” I gulped.
"Oh dear," said Fluttershy, getting a little concerned.
“Uh oh,” said Spike.
“Awkward,” pointed out Thunderlane.
“Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it,” said Discord. “This is a situation that could directly ruin three relationships.”
“Three?” asked Note.
“Mac and Shy’s romance, Shy and AJ’s friendship, and Mac and AJ’s family connection. And that’s only the direct connections. Celestia knows how it could have indirectly affected your life, factoring in common friends and family...”
“You’ve thought about this before, haven’t you?” asked Note, a bit suspicious of the Draconequus.
“What part of ‘demigod of chaos’ didn’t you get?”
“Speaking of chaos...” Mac continued.
I knew that if AJ found out, both of our flanks would be due for a whooping. I felt bad, but I had to keep the truth from my sister. “Fluttershy, I want you to promise me something.”
“What is it?”
“Don’t tell anypony about what just happened. Especially not my sister.”
“I won't, I promise.” She paused a moment. She musta noticed I was shaking worse than she'd been. “Are you feeling alright?”
I decided to be honest. “No.”
“Oh. I'm sorry. Is there anything I could do to make you feel better?”
“Well, we could start by changing the subject...”
“So, we did. We talked about poetry, flowers, looking after animals... turned out we had a lot in common.
“I knew you were a poet.” exclaimed Caramel.
“What can I say? I love a good poem. Anyway, I got so wrapped up in the conversation that I barely noticed the storm dying down outside.”
I was a little sad, because I knew that she’d have to leave. And she did. She got up, thanked me for helping her out, and started off. But before she left, she turned to me. “Mac?”
“Yeah, Fluttershy?”
She blushed and tried to tell mesomething. “Would you mind...” she started mumbling a bit.
“Pardon?”
She was red in the face. “Would you mind going...” more mumbling.
“What was that?”
She took a deep breath and started over, trying not to sound worried. “Mac, I had a wonderful time with you today. I know things got a little out of hoof, but you were very nice to me. I was wondering if you’d like to... maybe... come over to my house sometime?”
I couldn’t believe it. By pure stupid luck, I had caught myself a mare. “Sure,” I told her. “Where do you live?”
“Over in the old oak-tree house by the river in Whitetail Woods.”
“Sounds good. How about next weekend?”
“Got it. See you later, Big Macintosh.”
When she walked out the door, two things were going through my mind. Number one was I better be careful around AJ and number two was I better look my best for her.
“So did you see her again?” asked Caramel.
“Eyup. The next week, I came over to her house, she let me in, we shared some tea, sat on the couch and talked. And then... well...”
"Well what?"
"This is where things get really complicated."
“Thanks for having me over, Shy.”
“It's no problem, Mac.”
“Again, I’m sorry about last week. You were about to freeze, I had to warm you up somehow.”
“You don’t have to apologize, if you don't want. I understand you’re not normally like that.”
“I’m almost never like that! It was a one time thing!”
“Oh. Okay...” she looked at the ground a bit.
“What? Did I say something wrong?”
“No, it’s just... I was hoping it could be... more than once...”
My eyes opened wide. “What?”
She started blushing again. “I was wondering if you would like to... do it again? If that’s okay with you?”
The rest of the table was in shock.
Even Discord, who knew Fluttershy personally, was surprised.
Note almost choked on his cider.
Thunderlane couldn’t quite process it. “She... came on to you?”
“I was just as surprised as the rest of you,” Mac pointed out, still a little shocked himself. “It was a good thing I wasn’t drinking my tea at the time, cause I woulda spit it all over the rug.”
I couldn’t believe it. She was actually serious. I wanted to yell, but I lowered my voice so nopony who was walking by would hear. “You wanna have sex again?”
She looked a little sad. “I do. But if you don’t...”
“No no no, you don’t understand. I thought you wanted to be friends.”
“I do want to be friends. But you gave me something special last week. I wanted to give you something special.”
Her logic confused me, but I decided if she wanted to give me something nice, I should let her. "What did you want to give me?"
"Just a little surprise. Do you still want it?"
"Of course."
She looked happier now. "Alright, follow me upstairs."
We walked over to the staircase. For some reason, Shy took her time going up the stairs. Call me crazy, but I think she was giving me an excuse to get a look at her butt.
“What did I tell you guys?” said Note, laughing a bit. “He got himself a good catch.”
“So what happened next?” asked Soarin.
“She led me into her room and told me to close my eyes. Then she told me to lie face up on the bed, and said not to look cause it would ruin the surprise.”
“What was the surprise?” asked Thunderlane.
Mac paused for a moment to breathe. “A blowjob.”
Spike spit out his coffee again. The whole table listened quietly and intently.
She didn’t give me much warning. She just started nuzzling my crotch. I wanted to open my eyes but she told me to keep them closed. My blood started pumping and I started getting hard. Shy licked my rod a few times to get herself ready for what came next.
I kept my eyes closed, wondering what would happen. Next thing I felt was her mouth, going up and down on me like a pogo stick. I could feel her tongue, still going to work, and I could tell I was deep in her throat. She was good. Really good.
I had to gather all of my energy to keep my eyes closed. She was giving me the greatest feeling I'd had in a long time, and it was feeling better and better until...
Squirt!
She had gotten me to climax, but she wasn’t done yet. I heard a big gulp.
“Okay,” she said, in a soft voice, slightly out of breath. “You can open your eyes now.”
I did. And I was shocked. She had swallowed the entire load. Nothing was left on the bed except for me and the surprisingly clean sheets.
“Surprise,” she said, smiling.
Everyone was a little bit disbelieving and a little bit jealous. They didn't know that any mare could possibly do that, let alone Fluttershy.
"Wow," said Thunderlane, his pupils dlated.
"That was exactly what I said."
I couldn't believe what had just happened. I wasn’t just surprised, I was impressed. “Wow.”
“Did you like it?”
I smiled back at her. “Eeyup.”
She crawled into bed with me and then we started hugging. Something about her just felt... right. I didn’t know how it had happened or why, but as we looked into each other’s eyes, I could tell: we'd fallen in love.
“You’re really good at this,” I told her.
“Thank you.”
“You know, I’m really lucky.”
“Why?”
“It’s just... we’ve been meeting on pretty risky terms so far. And nopony even knows yet.”
“We’ll let them know when we’re ready. For now, I think we can keep this quiet.”
“Well, we do know how to keep quiet.” I smiled. “But we gotta stop meeting like this.”
She seemed a little unhappy. “Like... for...”
I tried to correct myself. “No, I meant, we’ve got to stop meeting in our own houses. If I keep coming over here, ponies are going to think something’s up. Same if you come to the barn”
Fluttershy stopped to think. “Well, there’s an old cabin in the woods not far from here...”
“This sounds like the set-up to a cheesy horror movie,” pointed out Thunderlane.
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you and her were having an affair,” said Note, coughing a bit from the cider he had almost breathed in..
“I wouldn’t call it an affair...” said Big Mac.
Discord pulled out a dictionary and a pair of glasses, turning to page 5. “Affair. Noun. A romantic and sexual relationship between two people who are not married to each other.”
“Well, when you put it like that...”
“So how long was this affair going before ponies realized it was happening?” asked Soarin.
“Let’s see... it started after the big storm more than a year ago...” Mac paused to do the math. “About 47 weeks. Give or take.”
“And how many times did you see her?”
“Every Weekend. Except when she was away.”
The table shared a collective “Wow.”
Mac felt half-proud of himself. “We were always careful. I told AJ I was going for a swim and a hike.”
“A swim and a hike?” asked Spike.
“It was kind of a half-truth thing. I was hiking up to meet Fluttershy, spending some quality time with her and then washing off in the river.”
“I wondered why Fluttershy kept bringing a towel,” said Discord.
“What did she tell you?” asked Caramel.
“She said she was going to spend some time with an animal in the woods.”
“She didn’t specify what kind of animal, did she?” said Note, grinning at Mac. The table laughed. Mac was blushing a bit now, and had an uneasy look on his face.
“I never bothered to ask,” explained Discord. “It was already happening by the time I came around. I assumed she was just making a house call. Around the fourth time,” he held up four fingers on one hand, “I got a bit suspicious, but not enough to ask questions. It wasn’t until number seven,” he held up seven fingers on one hand, “that I started wondering just what in Tartarus was going on.”
“And AJ never bothered to ask?” asked Spike.
Mac spoke up. “AJ is usually really busy year-round, between having to take Applebloom to school and working in the orchards all day. She also ain’t one to judge.” Mac turned to Noteworthy. “No offense.”
“None take... Hey!” The table laughed at Note. He wanted to reply, but realized that he probably had it coming.
“So what finally tipped her off?” Soarin asked.
Mac sighed. “She caught me with skin lotion in my pack. I tried to walk it off, but, as Thunderlane told you earlier, she caught wise and followed me.”
“So, what finally tipped you off, Discord?” asked Note.
“I guess I should chime in.”
Like I said, I got suspcious after about seven weeks.
“Bye, Discord. I’m off to my next meeting.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask about that.”
She looked a bit embarrassed. “What about it?”
“Does this animal have a name I would know?”
“I don’t know if you’ve met him before.
“So it’s a him?”
“Well yes, but he’s very shy, and he doesn’t like to be bothered.”
“Is he feeling alright?”
“He’s... um... getting better. But he’s still a bit out of it.” She almost looked like she was panicking. “I'm sorry, but I’ve gotta go or I’m gonna be late.” She ran out the door. I had never seen her run so fast. I decided enough was enough. So, I followed her.
"Did she see you going after her?" asked Spike.
"Absolutely not. I'll have you know that I'm a master of disguise."
"I saw that movie once," said Thunderlane. "It was awful."
Discord figuratively rolled his eyes. "I can agree with you on that. But, I'm getting off track."
We went deep into the heart of Whitetail Woods. It was the beginning of the year, and the ground was covered in snow, so it was easy to see where she was going. I had to keep disguising myself as different things to make sure she didn’t see me. I had been a bird, a pile of leaves, a raccoon, and even a worm in order to keep up with her.
By the time she had made it to the cabin, I was running out of ideas and had to disguise myself as an apple.
“Why is that important?” asked Note.
“Because your marefriend came by at the same time and almost ate me.”
“Now what in tarnation would my brother be doing all the way out he- Ooh, an apple! And there ain't a scratch on it!” She picked me up. Luckily I managed to get her attention before I went in her mouth.
“Wait! Don’t eat the apple!”
The look on her face was pure shock. “Did you just talk?” She tried to get her head straight. “Am I talking to an apple?”
“This apple happens to be one of your colleagues.”
AJ may not be very observant, but she’s pretty intelligent. “Discord?”
I revealed myself and she took a step back. “Congratulations, we have a winner.” I blew a party whistle, just for emphasis.
“What the hay are you doing up here?”
“I was following Fluttershy. She was acting strange earlier. I assume you’re looking for your brother?”
“Yeah. He was acting strange, too. He looked like he was planning on something besides exercise, if you ask me. What did Fluttershy tell you?”
“She said she was coming to take care of an anim...” The realization hit us both like an anvil falling out of a truck. We dashed for the door, and, well...
“Well what?” asked Spike.
“I think Mac can take it from here.” said Discord, motioning to the red stallion across from him.
“I suppose I better.”
The table listened intently, waiting to see what would happen.
I’m going to rewind a bit, so bear with me.
After AJ caught me with the lotion, I bolted out just in case she tried to follow me. My sister ain’t one to nose around, but she can’t help herself when she knows something’s up.
I was so focused on getting to the cabin that I was kinda upset about running into Pinkie Pie. She's a sweet gal, but if you start talking with her, she can't stop.
"Oh, hey Pinkie."
"Hi Mac! Where are you headed?"
I tried to remember my excuse. "Listen, if AJ comes by, I was taking a walk. And nothing else."
"Umm... okay!"
I dashed off so quickly that I didn't even notice Thunderlane.
"Well, that explains the awkward encounters..." Thunderlane paused. "Wait, you didn't notice me?"
"I was running for my life. You'll have to forgive me if I was in a hurry."
"Sorry, Mac."
"It's not your fault. You'd run too if you had my sister following you."
Anyways, Once I thought I’d lost AJ in the woods, I made my way up to the shack to get everything nice and ready. The old place was pretty empty, except for a warm fireplace, a table or two scattered throughout, and the world’s most comfortable bed. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for a romantic getaway.
I grabbed a log and some matches from my saddlebag and got a fire going in the fireplace. After that, I locked the windows and prepared for another session. Shy came in while I was getting myself lubed up. She closed and locked the door as quickly as she could.
“I think he found out,” she told me, looking a little scared.
“Who found out what?”
“Discord. About what I’m doing.”
I got concerned. “Did he follow you?”
“I don’t think so. What about you?”
“I think my sister’s onto me too. We don’t have much time, let’s do this quickly.” Shy didn’t ask questions. She just flew to the windows and closed the blinds. We got onto the bed, I mounted her and I started poking at and fiddling with her anus. For a minute or two, we forgot about what was happening outside. But, when we really started getting into it, we heard something.
Knock knock.
It was the door. We hoped it would go away, but it didn’t.
“Big Macintosh, are you in there? It’s your sister! I want to talk to you!” The voice was muffled but I knew I was in trouble I tried to keep quiet, but I'm not sure if it worked.
"It didn't, in case you were wondering," pointed out Discord.
Mac grimaced at Discord. "Well, at least I tried."
"Just keep going," said Caramel. "I want to hear the end already."
Mac got back on track. "Sorry. Where was I?"
“Don’t let him know you’re here! Now he’s not going to answer!” I didn’t recognize the other voice at first.
“Don’t tell me how to deal with my brother, you overgrown mix-and-match varmint!”
I could see Fluttershy panicking. She was shaking from head to tail, like the first time we met. Then I realized the awful truth: Discord had followed her.
“Look, I’ve had a lot more experience with this kind of thing. They don’t want you inside...” I heard a finger snap. “You invite yourself inside.” The voices weren’t muffled anymore. We were in deep trouble.
Note turned to Discord, a little bit shocked. "You caught him red-hoofed and you didn't tell us?"
"I didn't want to ruin the surprise for you," said Discord. He then got out a party hat and streamers and confetti fell from the ceiling. "Surprise!" He blew a party whistle once again.
Note was not amused by Discord's antics. "Please continue, Mac," he said, brushing confetti out of his mane.
"I was going to do that, but thank you."
For a second or two I wondered whether to stop or keep going. Unfortunately, the decision had been made already.
Squirt!
There was no getting around this one. I was panicking, Fluttershy was trying to hide her face, and we had two incredibly shocked bystanders to deal with.
“Mac...” my sister was shocked beyond words.
“AJ, I can explain.” That was pretty much all I could do at this point.
Discord wasn’t so ready to forgive. “If you’re doing what I think you’re doing to Fluttershy,” he said, holding a baseball bat that was intended for my head, “ then so help me...”
“Wait!” Shy held out her hoof. “Don’t hurt him... Please.” She almost looked like she was about to cry.
Discord simmered down quickly, took a deep breath and put the bat away. Lucky for us, even the most stubborn creature in Equestria can’t stay angry around Fluttershy. Especially not when she's sad.
“By the way,” Mac said, “thank you for not killing me.”
“I would never kill you,” Discord said. “It’s extremely uncouth.”
“It sure looked like you were gonna kill me.”
“Believe me, if I had wanted you dead, you’d be six feet under and we wouldn’t be having this conversation."
The table was silent.
“Okay...” Mac said. “Moving on.”
“Alright,” AJ tried to clear her head. “What’s going on?”
I sighed. She would know if I was lying. “Okay, here’s the truth: Fluttershy and I are in love."
"I can see that. I can see too much, actually."
It only now occurred to me that my sister could see my junk on full display. Now both me and poor Fluttershy were too embarrassed to say anything.
"How long have you been keeping this from me?"
I swallowed my pride and gave her the whole story. "It started last year, during that big snowstorm. Shy got caught out in the blizzard, and I had to invite her in to get her warmed up.”
“And then you had sex?” asked Discord.
“It was a last resort! I was running out of ideas, and she coulda gotten frostbite, and I wasn’t thinking straight...”
“Mac,” Fluttershy spoke up. “Don't feel bad. I thought it was sweet of you to help me out like that.”
"I'm just..." I was choking up. "I'm sorry I got you in trouble."
"It doesn't matter. I still love you." She looked into my eyes and I calmed down. She was right.
“Applejack, I should’ve been honest with you. I shouldn’t have lied.”
AJ gathered her senses. “Mac, I understand.”
“I just-” I stopped short. “You do?”
“I get it. You were worried about what I was gonna think. I would be scared speechless if I was you. But you shouldn’t beat yourself up. That’s bad for you.”
“You’re not mad at me either?” asked Fluttershy.
“Why would I be mad? If anything, I’m pleasantly surprised. A little shocked, maybe, but still.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “I thought you’d be furious.”
“Mac, you’re my brother. And Fluttershy is my friend. I can’t stay mad at you forever. It wouldn’t be right of me.”
“So you’re fine with this?”
“I’m more than fine with it. Besides, you got yourself a catch.” Shy smiled a bit, still blushing red.
"And that's why I love your sister," said Note, smiling.
Mac glanced over at the blue stallion. "Believe me, I know."
"So, how'd you deal with the angry dragon?" asked Soarin.
"Draconequus," Discord corrected.
"Sorry, the angry draconequus."
"I'm getting to that."
“Y- you don’t mind, do you, sir?”
“Don’t call me sir. Call me Discord.”
“I’m sorry, Discord. Do you mind?”
“Let me be honest: this is rather sudden. If I had known, I might be in a better place to ask. But, you two clearly love each other, and who am I to interfere with romance?”
AJ looked confused. “Ain’t you the god of chaos?”
“That may be so, but I would never force lovers to break up. That wouldn't be chaos, that would just be cruel.”
I sighed and thanked my lucky stars that this whole mess turned out well. “Thank you both kindly. I was really worried there for a sec.”
“Just one thing, though,” AJ said.
“What?” me and Fluttershy asked.
“When do you two plan on getting married?”
“Funny joke, Mac.” said Soarin, chuckling a bit.
“She wasn’t joking, she was serious.”
"Oh," he stopped laughing.
“Wait,” asked Spike, “really?”
“It’s a bit of an Apple family tradition that if you have sex, you have to get married,” Mac explained.
“They got hitched one month later,” added Caramel. “Me and Note were both there when it happened.”
“It was one of the greatest weddings I've ever been to," said Noteworthy. "It was a real big celebration. Mac and Fluttershy got all dressed up, the entire Apple family was there, Discord came along, and Mac even wrote Shy a poem for the occasion. How did it go again?”
Mac knew it was an invitation for Note to laugh, but he didn’t care. He cleared his thoughts and recited the words he said to her that evening:
“In the cold of winter and the dead of night,
you give me warmth, and you bring me light.
You’re the sweetest mare I’ve ever known.
You’re kind and fair, and now, my own.”
Note clapped his hooves, still grinning.
“Beautiful, said Spike, a bit a of tear on his face..
“Well, congratulations, big guy,” said Soarin. "It ain't everyday that you get married."
“That’s not everything, though,” said Mac.
“It’s not?” asked Thunderlane, genuinely confused.
“Noteworthy volunteered to play the reception. I remember the setlist like the back of my hoof. You remember, Note?”
Note started remembering the setlist he played. Rather than the typical wedding fare, he had opted for a mix of rather eclectic music: It’s All Been Done , The Middle , I’m Gonna Be ...
His eyes opened wide.
Mac grinned. “I assume you remember what happened after?”
“What happened?” asked Spike.
Note was blushing and biting his lower lip. That song, that last song in the set, was his song. His special song that would forever leave a huge impact on his life.
“Don’t hold out on us, what happened?” asked Thunder.
“I... lost it,” replied Noteworthy.
“Lost what?”
“I lost my virginity to 500 Miles .”
The whole table raised their glasses and cheered. They were proud of their friend, but Note was too embarrassed to accept their praise.
“Care to tell the story, Note?” asked Mac, a grin on his face.
Note glared back. He couldn't stand it when Mac was passive-aggressive. Note took a sip of cider and started talking. “I guess it’s my turn, then...”
Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
“Okay, my turn.” Noteworthy took a deep drink from his hard cider and tried to find a good place to start. “This may or may not surprise you, but I’m not actually from Ponyville. I moved here from Canterlot.”
“Wait, you moved from Canterlot?” asked Spike.
“Yeah. Why?”
“Twilight and I did the same thing.”
“Why would you wanna move away?” asked Soarin. “I thought Canterlot was a nice place to live.”
Note lowered his brow at Soarin. “Dude, you haven’t lived there.”
For the sake of a full explanation, let’s go back to the day I left home, about three years ago. My folks were happy to get me out of the house. I really had no choice but to leave, since they had cut me off the day before. I wasn’t happy about being tossed out, but at least it gave me an excuse to go somewhere.
I’ve been good friends with a local musician named Vinyl Scratch ever since I started school. She and her friend Octavia helped me out with my music, and they were actually on stage with me when I got my cutie mark.
Anyways, they were performing at a concert in the royal hall the night I left home. Since I had nowhere else to go, I decided to pay them a visit.
“Hold on a second,” said Spike. “Vinyl Scratch? You mean DJ Pon-3?”
“That’s the one.”
“You were friends?”
“She was one of my only friends.”
“So, did you two ever…”
“What, date? No. She’s a nice girl, but not really my type.”
“You ever think about it though?” asked Caramel.
“...Sometimes. But that’s not important. What’s important is I went to see them backstage. I had a run-in with a security guard, but lucky for me, Vinyl recognized me.”
“Hey Vinyl!”
“Note! What are you doing here?”
“Trying to convince the living wall here to let me through. So far, no dice.”
“Hey, Watchdog! He’s cool, let him through.” The gigantic guard stepped aside, but still gave me the evil eye. “You know, Note, you’re crazy trying to pick a fight with a security guard.”
“I know, but if I gave up on every crazy idea I’ve ever had, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. What have you been doing lately?”
“Trying and failing to write some good music.”
“Well, what are you doing here?”
“I got kicked out.”
“Ouch. Tough break.”
“I just came here ‘cause I needed some advice. I can’t stay in this city, there’s nothing I can do here. Do you have any idea of where I could go?”
“Maybe…” she though to herself for a moment. “Have you ever heard of Ponyville?”
“No. Where’s that?”
“It’s a decently big town, southeast of here. A bit rural, but really into music and the arts.”
“Sounds nice.You think you could help me get there?”
“Sure! Me and Tavi are taking the train back there tomorrow. I think we can get you on board, but jusr promise me something.”
“What?”
“Don’t argue with the ticket guy.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Vinyl, Octavia and I all got on the train the next day. I had packed a bunch of notebooks and my guitar, and I was feeling ready to take on the world.”
“How long is this story going to be?” asked Spike, already getting bored.
“Just give me a minute. I need to explain how we started off.”
“It took you how long to get to sex?” asked Thunderlane.
“...two and a half years.”
Caramel laughed a bit.
Note was feeling stupid, but also incredibly irritated. “Look, unlike the rest of you, I’m not a mare’s stallion, okay?”
Caramel tried to stop himself from laughing. “Okay, I’ll stop. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Just let me continue, please.”
“Go ahead,” said Soarin. “Nopony’s stopping you.”
Okay. After a three hour train ride which involved a lot of discussions about the merits of modern music vs. classical music, a jam session which went way too long, and Vinyl trying to convince me that I wasn’t wasting my time, we finally arrived in Ponyville.
“Here we are, Note.” said Tavi.
I took a good gander at the train station. It wasn’t much to look at when comparing it to the giant station in Canterlot, but it was nice enough. It felt a bit more like a home. “So, where are we going first?”
“Well, where do you want to go?” asked Vinyl.
I thought for a while. After living in a big-ass city for most of my life, I wanted something different from what I was used to. “What’s the most rural place around here?”
“I think I know a place over on the west side. Come on.”
“I’ve always trusted Vinyl. She justs seems like the kind of pony who wouldn’t lie to me. When I saw the place she had led me and Tavi to, that trust paid off. It was a barn. I had heard about them as a foal, but I had never actually seen one up close.I was kind of amazed, actually.”
“You think you were amazed? You shoulda seen me when I came here with my sister Babs,” said Caramel. “After living in Manehatten my whole life, I couldn’t believe a place like this was actually real, let alone a place where ponies lived.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” asked Discord.
“At first, I wasn’t sure. Then I met a girl and I decided it wasn’t so bad.”
“Would this girl happen to be Twilight?” asked Big Mac.
“Well, yeah. She was the main reason I decided to stay.”
“So, that’s another story we’re gonna have to hear eventually,” pointed out Note.
Caramel suddenly look embarrassed. “I’ll go after Soarin.”
“Fair enough. But for now, back to the barn.”
“So, this is… Sweet Apple Acres, you said?” I asked Vinyl.
“Yup!” she replied, her purple glasses flashing a light in my face. “Best apple orchard in all Equestria. I should know, I’ve been here a million times.”
“If you wanted rural, Note,” said Tavi, “you have it now.”
“You know what I really want right now?” I asked her rhetorically. “A drink. It’s like a hundred degrees outside and I haven’t had anything to drink all day!”
“Well, maybe we can get you some cider,” said Vinyl. We headed up to the barn and knocked on the huge red door. We were greeted by mister tall, red, and handsome over here.
“Can I help you?”
“Hey there, big guy. We were looking to buy some apple cider,” said Vinyl. “I don’t suppose you got any?”
“One sec,” he replied. After that, he turned back into the barn and yelled out. “AJ! We got customers!”
“Hold on a minute, I’m coming!” I wasn’t sure if the voice I had just heard was real or not. It sounded too nice to be real. But the next thing I saw when we walked in the door was a mare. The most beautiful mare I’d ever seen in my life. “Howdy, ya’ll! Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres. My name is Applejack, and this here’s my brother Big Macintosh. What can I do for you?”
I just stood there, looking at her. Her emerald eyes had me hypnotized. I don’t know what had come over me, but I barely remember anything other than the way she looked under the thin rays of light from the roof, in that old worn hat, with that long golden mane.
I was out of it for a bit, if I remember correctly. The next thing I remember was Vinyl up in my face, screaming at me to snap out of it.
“Note!”
“Yah!” I regained awareness. “Sorry, I got distracted.”
Vinyl muttered. “And hard, apparently…”
“What?” I looked down at myself and my eyes almost bugged out. Sure enough, I had a raging erection.
The table was taken by surprise, Caramel laughed, but quickly realized that nopony else was laughing and stopped.
“I guess that’s what you would call an APB,” Note joked.
“APB?” asked Spike.
“Awkward public boner.” Now, everyone at the table laughed.
“Well, I'm really sorry about what happened.” said Mac.
“It’s no problem,” said Note. “After all, I’m laughing about it now. Right then and there, though, I wasn’t laughing.”
I closed my back legs and tried to play it off, but it obviously didn’t work, since I was still red in the face. “Um, I’d like a glass of cider please.”
AJ saw what had happened, but she didn’t freak out about it. I’m not sure if it was to save me embarrassment or just out of pity, but she brushed it off. “Sure thing,” she said.
She went to go tap a cask in the back of the barn and I just stood there, trying to lower my heart rate to no avail. By the time she came back, I wanted to praise Celestia’s name that it was over. But I kept quiet.
“Here you go, sir.”
“Noteworthy,” I said.
“Pardon?”
“Call me Noteworthy.”
“Nice to meet you, mister Noteworthy. I’m Applejack.”
“Nice name.” I was trembling a bit. The fact that I was nervous just made the problem worse. I felt like I was going to die of humiliation.
However, as she was giving me the mug of cider, she looked at me and I just looked back at her. She smiled a bit, and then came close to my ear. “You know,” she whispered, “I’m actually kinda flattered.”
Suddenly, I stopped shaking. My nervous half-smile had become a genuine three-quarters smile. “Thank you for the cider, Ms. Applejack. I’ll just be off now.”
“Take care,” she replied.
I started to back out the door slowly, so that I wouldn’t cause a scene. It seemed like a foolproof plan: sneak out, calm down and pretend it didn’t happen. There was just one small detail that I unfortunately overlooked...
“Um, mister? Is something wrong?” It was the voice of a filly, standing directly behind me. I was surrounded, and no matter what I did somepony was going to get a good look at my back end. I figured it would be best not to show the little kid, so I turned 180 degrees as quickly as possible.
“By the way, Mac,” Note interrupted himself, ”sorry for giving you the short end of the metaphorical stick.”
“More like the long end of the physical stick,” cracked Thunderlane. The table laughed, but Note was not amused.
“Ha ha. Funny. Anyways, on top on all the other stresses I was under, I had this kid to deal with. Not fun at all.”
“Oh, hi there. What’s your name?”
“I’m Applebloom. What’s your name, mister?”
“My name is Noteworthy. I’m new around town and my friends here told me this would be a nice place to visit. So,” I motioned to Applejack and Big Mac, “do you know these ponies?”
“That’s my brother and sister!”
“Really? Well, that’s nice.” I was visibly nervous and hoping to myself that the young girl would lose interest in what I had to say.
“Are you feeling alright? You look a little scared.”
“I just… I…” I tried to think of an excuse that would make sense. “I have to use the bathroom. I’ll just leave.”
“Well,” said AJ, “you could use the outhouse out back.”
I turned to her. “I… can?”
“Sure you can. It ain’t no trouble.”
I couldn’t respond with anything other than: “Thanks, See you.” I took my mug of cider, gulped it down and bolted out the door to go find the outhouse.
“When I got in, I locked the door. I breathed a sigh of semi-relief. My ass was covered, but I still had the boner to deal with. I decided since no one could see me, I’d... take care of it the old fashioned way.”
“So,” reiterated Discord, “the first two things you did at her house were ogle her and then go masturbate?”
“She was attractive and I was lonely! I didn’t want it to happen, it just happened!”
“I’m sorry, that was a bit too out of context.”
Note was confused by Discord’s choice of words. “Apology accepted… I think?”
“You were saying about the outhouse?” pointed out Spike.
“Oh right. Hold on…”
I had locked myself inside the stall and I now had an opportunity to solve the problem at hoof. So, I started putting my hooves to work. I tried to stay as quiet as possible, but you know that that never works. I got a rush of adrenaline going through me and I felt like I could keep going as long as I could.
The sensation was so overwhelming I didn’t even notice how bad the stall smelled until after I was done. Which took about three minutes, if I’m not wrong. As soon as I saw the cum, I got up and aimed towards the hole in the seat.
I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and my heart rate had gone down. I took a second to catch my breath, and opened the door. Standing outside were Tavi and Vinyl, looking at me like I had been caught with my junk hanging out. Well, a second time that is.
“Are you feeling alright, Note?” asked Octavia
I was panting and dripping with sweat. Evidently, I was not feeling okay. “I think I’d like to go lie down now.”
“They took me to their apartment, I took a shower, and then I passed out on the couch. So, yeah, my first encounter with the mare of my dreams was awkward.”
“So how did you two become close?” asked Discord.
“I went back to Sweet Apple Acres. After getting so worked up over her, I figured the least I could do was have a friendly talk with her.”
“An explanation would make things slightly less awkward, I guess,” said Soarin.
“It had been about a day since I had made a complete ass of myself. I had to gather all my strength to knock on the door again.”
Knock knock.
The door opened, and I saw the face I was looking for. It felt good to see her, but I was too embarrassed to smile. I just stood at the door, looking dumb.
“Uh, can I help you?” she asked, looking quizzical.
“Hi there, Applejack. It’s me. You know, from yesterday.”
Her eyes opened and she smiled. “Oh yeah! Noteworthy, right?”
She remembered me. That was a step in the right direction “Yeah. Um… Look, I wanted to apologize for making a scene yesterday. It was really hot, and I think the sun got to my brain…”
“You don’t need to apologize, I get it.”
“You do?”
She looked me in the eyes. “You’re embarrassed. You want to make up for it. Isn’t that why you came back?”
“Well, yeah, I guess. I was kinda hoping I could explain where I’m coming from.”
“If it makes you feel better, then go ahead. I ain’t stopping you.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay…”
I gave her the same story I told you: I was new, I’d been alone for way too long, she was beautiful, and I couldn’t control myself. And she just sat and listened. I felt a little weird just having her listen to me talk, but once I was done, she started talking back.
“...so that’s my story,” I finished up.
“Not the best story I’ve ever heard.”
“I know, but it’s not like I can just invent a happy ending for my life.”
“Sure you can. You just need a little help.”
“Is that a suggestion or an invitation?”
“Well, you seem like a nice colt. Maybe we could do something nice together.”
“So, she asked me out. That weekend we went to a movie and talked a little about our lives. She told me about her friends, and about Mac, and I talked a little bit about my music, and we had a couple of laughs.”
“This is getting boring again,” said Spike.
“Seriously, dude, how long is this gonna last?” asked Thunderlane.
“But, the best part came when I was walking her home. ”
“That movie was hilarious,” said AJ.
“It was pretty good, but I probably could have done without the unnecessary slapstick. I mean, it’s not like it’s normal for ponies to trip on their own hooves.”
“You say that now, you’re going to walk into a sign or something.”
“But that would ruin the moment.”
“So what did you think about the date?”
“Best date I’ve ever had. I mean, the movie wasn’t as funny as I hoped, I don’t have enough cash for dinner, and I feel stupid now for pointing out everything that was wrong. But you know what? You made everything worth it.”
She smiled at me and we stared into each other’s eyes for a while. When I finally got up the courage, I summoned all of it to take hold of her shoulders and pull her in for a kiss. She didn’t protest, because she understood. And considering the fact that she put her arms around me, I’d say she actually enjoyed it.
“And that was our first kiss. Which officially made it my best date ever at the time.”
“And then it took you three more years to get to the good part,” pointed out Thunderlane.
“I’m getting to that,” replied Note.
“Dude, you had a good thing going,” said Caramel. “How did you two not get to sex for three years?”
“Because of a lot of reasons, okay? Just let me explain.”
AJ was busy a lot of the time and I was still trying to find a job around town for about two months after I officially moved in. I was wondering if there were any places in Ponyville that would take in a wannabe musician like myself. And then, I met the weirdest pony I’ve ever met in my life.
"AKA," Note said to Thunderlane, "your marefriend."
Thunder took offense "Hey! Don't insult my girl!"
"I wasn't insulting her, I just said she was weird. You know she is, too."
Thunder calmed down. "Fair enough. Continue, please."
While I was having lunch with AJ one day, she introduced herself and asked a few questions about me. And by 'asked a few questions' I mean she interrogated me about my life for about twenty minutes. I told her what my position was in terms of living, and she told me that Sugarcube Corner was looking for music acts for the weekends. I took up her offer, and now I technically work here.
AJ was really supportive of me. She showed up at almost every show I played, and afterwards we would drink some punch together. But that’s not all.
One night, after a particularly rough show, AJ met up with me backstage after I was done playing. I was frustrated beyond belief and I just wanted to go to sleep. But AJ was still wide awake, and staring at me like I had grown another eye..
“Sugarcube,” she said, “you feeling alright?”
“Somepony threw a mug of cider at me, I got booed by a bunch of drunks after half of the songs and I’ve been sitting under hot stage lights for an hour and a half. No, I’m not feeling alright.”
“Oh… I’m really sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I just got a bad crowd.”
“I know, but I don’t like seeing you upset.”
“I just... feel like something’s not right.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I've got a good job here, and good friends and all, but something feels like it’s missing.”
AJ smiled and got an idea. “Maybe I could help.”
“Help me how?”
“Come here and kiss me.” She grabbed my shoulders and brought me in for a kiss. Suddenly, I wasn’t upset anymore. I was a bit shocked, but I felt good.
“Well, that certainly helped.”
“I’m not done yet.”
I realized where she was going with this. “Maybe we could go back to my place?”
“Sounds like a good plan to me.”
“We went back to my place and fooled around for a bit. I was feeling ready to go and really excited. However, after we had gotten into bed together, I started thinking. I realized that I wasn’t ready for anything serious. So, I turned away for a moment.”
“You stopped yourself,” clarified Soarin. “That’s tough.”
“I’m not sure if it was me being nervous or me being rational, but I just stopped cold.”
“What’s the matter?” asked AJ.
“I changed my mind.”
“About what?”
“I don’t want to do this yet.”
“What? Us sleeping together?”
“It just doesn’t feel like the right time to have sex.”
“Well, when do you think the right time is gonna be?”
“I’m not sure. I’d love to get to it eventually, but I’m not sure when it’s gonna be.”
AJ sighed.
“I’m sorry, did I upset you?
“No, I understand. This is confusing for you. And it’s confusing for me. I just... I wish that we could figure things out sooner, because I don’t know how long we can keep this up.”
“Well, unless you can tell the future, we’ll just have to wait and find out.”
“Okay. When you are feeling up for it, let me know.”
“I will.”
“And that was about as close as I got. I didn’t want to rush into anything for fear of making a mistake, but at the same time I had the urge to just bang her and get it over with. I didn’t know what to do, and the question haunted me for two and a half years.All the while I waited for the right time.”
“That’s a long time to wait,” pointed out Spike.
“I know, right?” added Caramel. “Why didn’t you do it sooner?”
“It never felt like the right time.”
I was arguing with myself and starting to go a little crazy. I think it was also starting to affect my music. Every night I went on stage, I felt unprepared and like I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I played well enough, but I was always nervous that I would mess up somehow. Then, about five months ago, AJ told me about Mac and Fluttershy.
“He’s been doing WHAT?”
“I was just as surprised as you are.”
“I can’t believe it. All this time he’s been just going at it, and I’m still moping around waiting for a miracle. What in the name of Celestia is wrong with me?”
AJ tried to calm me down. “Don’t be upset. This was between my brother and my friend.”
“I know. But I just can’t make up my mind and I feel like I’m gonna crack any minute!”
“Look, whatever you decide to do is fine by me. The only thing I wanted to tell you was that they asked you to play at the reception. You think you could at least do that?”
“What, so I can get your brother’s dick rubbed in my face?”
“Note, don’t be like that. I know you’re a good stallion, and I know you’re upset. But can you please just help out here? For me and the family?”
I sighed. “Fine. But I’m playing my own setlist.”
“Thanks sugarcube. I’ll run the list by Mac. In the meantime, just try to calm down. You make me worry when you act all antsy like this.”
“I was reaching a breaking point. I knew I had to make a decision eventually, but I was torn between getting it over with and being prepared.”
“You’re dealing with an extremely dangerous inner struggle here,” said Discord. “Situations like this can drive a pony right out of their mind. I’m surprised you managed to last so long, given the circumstances.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I did, because by the time the wedding rolled around, I was about ready to give up. Lucky for me, AJ is really understanding and loyal. I don’t know if I would have put up with myself for that long.”
It was the day of the wedding. Mac and Fluttershy had just tied the knot, and everypony was celebrating their union. Everypony except me, the guy on stage playing the guitar. I went through a set list of some of my favorite love songs, publicly dedicating them to the married couple, but internally dedicating them to Applejack. She could tell by the look in my eyes that I was singing right to her. She blushed a bit.
After I was done playing, I went to go get some rest backstage and listen to the radio. I was beat, and music was the only thing that could help me unwind. I was listening to some old alternative rock songs and trying to reconcile in my mind the fact that I would probably never get to experience love first-hoof.
“Great show,” said a voice from behind. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.
“Thanks, AJ.”
“Are you feeling alright now?”
“Better than before, now that you’re here.”
“Glad to hear it.” She walked up to me. “Were all those songs true?”
“What?”
“All those songs you sang to me… Were they all how you felt about me?”
Suddenly, the tension in me began to rise up again. However, I kept a lid on it. “Yeah.”
“I thought they were sweet.”
“I’m glad you liked them.”
There was an awkward silence. AJ sighed. “You know, we’ve been going out for… how many years? Two?”
“Two and a half, I think. I know, it’s been a while…”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anypony so hung up about anything in my life.”
I sighed. “I just don’t know what to do. I’m worried that I’ll make a mistake or something.”
AJ put her arm around me. “Sugarcube, I know you’re worried. But don’t be. Ponies make mistakes all the time. So what if you do? You always have to make the most out of what happens. Otherwise you just end up sitting around being miserable.”
I considered this for a moment. “I guess you’re right. Maybe I’ve been worrying too much. Maybe... I just need to do what I want to do.”
“That’s more like it. So, what do you want to do?”
This was it. No more questions, no more doubts, no more screwing around. I had finally made up my mind. “You.”
“Pardon?”
“I want you.” I grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. She was surprised, but also really happy. My blood started pumping and I felt alive for the first time in years.
"Told you I'd get to the good part eventually."
"I never doubted it for a second," said Discord.
"Well, don't stop there," said Caramel. "Tell us what happened!
"Alright," said Note, "just hold on a minute."
“Are you feeling alright now?” she asked.
“I’m feeling awesome." Something clicked in my brain. "In fact, I’ve got an idea.”
AJ played along. “What’s the idea?”
“It involves you getting on the floor.” She saw where I was going with that thought and she happily presented herself to me. I got a raging boner and I mounted myself on top of her. “You ready?”
“I think so.”
“Good, because I’m ready too.” I started thrusting into her plothole. AJ had evidently never experienced this sort of thing before, because she let out a yelp when I got all the way in. Soon enough, the cringing turned into moaning. I was gritting my teeth and squinting my eyes so much I couldn’t even see her, but I could certainly feel her. Every single time I went into her backside I felt like I was king of the world.
Suddenly, I heard a familiar bit of music playing. I had left the radio on, and it was now providing the soundtrack to my becoming a stallion.
I stopped for a bit to appreciate the music.
When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the colt who wakes up next to you… When I go out, yeah, I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the colt who goes along with you…
“Didn’t you play this song earlier?” asked AJ.
“I did…500 Miles, I think it's called.”
She smiled. “I like this song. It’s really nice and simple.”
“Just like you.” We smiled and started up again, keeping in time to the song’s rhythm. We were feeling great. I had waited three years for this, and finally, it was happening.
Well, I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more, just to be the colt who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door…
When the song finally ended, I had finished up the last stroke. I finally felt like a stallion. It felt great. Applejack was happy, too.
“I’m going to remember that song forever,” I told her.
“That was the greatest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” We both smiled. I got off of her and we shared a kiss. I felt like I had accomplished something great. And then we got an unexpected visitor.
“AJ?” called Mac. “Are you still ba-” he stopped cold. He could tell what had happened. But honestly, I couldn’t have cared less.
“I’m going to be honest with you, Mac,” I said. “This is exactly what it looks like.”
“Ever since me and AJ finally did it, I’ve been feeling a lot more confident, and things have never been better between us. I don’t even mind that I was found in the most embarrassing position of my life, because I still have AJ and she still has me. And we’ll probably have each other for a long time, if Granny Smith ever finds out.”
“Well, that wasn’t the worst story I’ve ever heard,” said Spike.
“It was kind of long, but at least you ended it on a high note.” said Thunderlane.
“Thanks, Thunder.” Note smiled. His good mood was back. “Okay, who’s next?”
“I think Soarin’ had a story,” pointed out Discord. “Something about him and Rainbow Dash. Care to fill us in, sir?”
Soarin knew that if he said no, it would only encourage them to keep bugging him. “Alright, let me see if I can remember…”
Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
Chapter Four: The Mile High Club
“I’ve had a long history at the academy,” said Soarin, nursing his appletini. “Truth be told, I don't know how many different mares I've done in my time at the academy.”
Note was shocked. “You don't know?” he yelled.
“Wow,” said Caramel, highly impressed. “How long have you been at the academy?”
“Nine years,” replied the veteran Wonderbolt. “I’ve been everywhere in Equestria, from Las Pegasus to Fillydelphia and everywhere in between.”
“Got any stories in particular that stand out?” asked Note.
“Well, there was that one time I was about to go with two different rookies, on request, and Spitfire walked in…”
“Soarin! It’s time for training! Where in the name of Celestia…” she opened the door. I was on the bed, lying on my back and preparing for the twofer, but not quite done.
“Spitfire, I can explain.”
“Like Tartarus you can! What are these two recruits doing in your room?” She was really mad. Clearly lying to her wasn’t gonna cut it. I may do stupid things, but I ain’t stupid.
“They requested that I have intercourse with both of them.”
“At the same time?”
“Well… yes.”
She calmed down. “Alright, I’ve seen enough. You two,” she yelled at the rookies, “get out of here. And put on some clothes, for Celestia’s sake.” The two mares left the room, leaving me alone on the bed half-erect and blushing. “How many times has this happened? she asked me.
“I only do it on request, I swear…”
She put emphasis on each word. “How many times?”
I sighed. “Six so far.”
She lowered her brow at me. “Six times. And you never once told me. You know, this kind of behavior could get you in serious trouble with the General.”
“Who’s the General?” asked Spike, curiously.
“He is the toughest official in the Wonderbolt force. He doesn’t tolerate nonsense or rule-breaking of any kind. Especially not when it involves sex. I knew I was taking risks, but for the most part I was playing it safe, only having a once-in-a-while one-night stand. I knew, however, that I would get caught sooner or later if I didn’t quit while I was ahead. However, in this instant, I was more worried about Spitfire.”
She glared at me. I was so nervous I was starting to sweat, and my blood was beginning to pump faster. “I’m awful sorry. It’s just-”
She interrupted me. “I didn’t know you were like that.”
“I… uh… what?”
“If I had known you did this kind of thing, I would have acted sooner.”
She locked the door and turned off the lightswitch. I was trapped in a room with my junk hanging out and no way of knowing what was about to happen next. I had never been more scared in my life.
“Spitfire, I know I should have told you before, but please don’t-”
“Let me confess something to you, Soarin. I’ve wanted to do this for quite a while. Just to see what it’s like. Now let me sit on you for a while.” Next thing I knew, I felt her big round butt putting pressure on my thighs. I wasn’t sure what she was doing, but I could feel her moving up and down on me. She moved back a bit and started rubbing against my dick. I couldn’t believe it. She had never acted this way around me before.
I was really getting into it and eventually I was stiff as a board.
It was dark, but I could tell that Spitfire was smiling at me right then. “You don’t mind if I take this further, do you?”
“Not at all.”
“Good. This is about to get rough, so get ready.”
“I always am.”
Spitfire got up off of my thighs. I could feel her tail tickling my stomach. Then, she sat down again, this time, on my penis. I could feel myself going inside her. She was a lot looser than I thought she’d be.
She went up and down incredibly quickly and I was getting ready to blow. I tried to stop her for a moment. “Wait a minute, Spitfire.”
She stopped bouncing. “What?”
“I can’t let you do all the work. It wouldn’t be right.”
Using all of my strength, I lifted myself off of the bed. “Woah, Soarin! Be careful!”
“I know what I’m doing, trust me.” In one swift move, Spitfire landed on all fours and I was now on top of her. It was my turn now. I started thrusting in and out and showing that girl the best time she’d ever had. When we finally finished, she was in absolute ecstasy.
“That... was amazing.”
I smiled and removed myself from her behind. I was feeling great, but she was so exhausted that she couldn’t stand up. “Let me set one thing straight here, Spitfire. I always come out on top.” I helped her get into bed. Then I remembered that she was supposed to help train the recruits. Luckily, I found my way outside and took over.
“Um… sir?” asked one of the recruits. “Where is captain Spitfire?”
“She’s feeling tired today. I’m honestly just as surprised as you are.”
That was the only time Spitfire ever had sex with me, and the only time she had never shown up for a training session.
“Well, ain’t you the competitive one?” asked Big Mac, rhetorically.
“It’s in my nature. I never settle for second-best if I can help it.”
“I had no idea sex was such a competitive thing,” pointed out Spike.
“It is the way I do it.”
“So, how many of your fellow Wonderbolts have you banged on request?” asked Note.
“Let’s just say that somewhere out in Equestria are a wide selection of pegasi kids with single moms.”
“You sly, devious old son of a bronc.”
“So, any other stories worth mentioning before you get to the main one?” asked Discord.
“Well,” said Soarin, “let me think, there was a foursome…”
“Is that even physically possible?” wondered Note.
“One time I shared a mare with another stallion so I could show him the ropes…”
“How noble of you,” said Mac, in a flat tone.
“I did it backstage at a major flying competition and I still helped bring home the gold…”
“Seriously?” asked Spike.
“Yes, and the list goes on. But this one story I’m about to tell? This is why Dash was a keeper for me.”
It was the week that Dash was about to be done with her training. Same week that Thunderlane got finished, too. I was out on morning duty, and me and Spitfire were whipping everypony into shape.
“You!” yelled Spitfire. “Stand up straight! You, adjust those goggles! You, get a manecut!”
“Cadets!” Everypony stopped fooling around and acted like professionals. Spitfire is an excellent leader, but it’s pretty clear that the recruits have a lot more respect for me.
“Wow. So humble,” snarked Caramel.
“It’s true, though,” said Thunderlane. “If you spend at least two weeks at camp, you’re bound to hear about the habits of Captain Soarin. And once you do, you treat him like the stallion he is. No disrespect, at all.”
“Well, most of the time,” pointed out Soarin.
“Alright, listen up. Y’all are heading into your final week of training. But don’t think that we’ll go easy on you. If anything, you are in for the hardest week of your life. Just follow orders and everything will be fine. If you don’t, you will come back and do it it right next time. Have I made myself clear?”
“Sir, yes, sir!” everypony said.
“I can’t hear you!”
“Sir, yes, sir!” everypony yelled.
“That’s better. Twenty laps, around the track, now!” With that, they were all off. I ain’t ever seen a group of ponies fly faster than those cadets did. The fastest of them was young Rainbow Dash. I knew her pretty well. We’d met at the young flyers competition where she saved four lives, including mine, and did a sonic rainboom. And then again at the grand galloping gala the year after that. And now, she was finally getting a chance to prove herself to the academy.
“What now?” I turned around and Dash was right behind me. She had finished about a minute early.
“Excuse me?”
“I’m finished with the laps. What now?”
“May I remind you that I am technically your commanding officer?”
“Sorry, captain. I meant what now, sir?”
I smiled at her. “Now, we wait for everypony else to finish.”
She smirked at me. “Shame that not everypony can keep up, sir.”
“Oh, I think that somepony will catch up eventually.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “Excuse me, what was that...sir?”
“I’m just saying, Dash. We all have our little slip-ups now and again.”
“I don’t know why, but that week I was starting to feel cocky. All the mares came to me, and all the colts respected me. I think I was beginning to get a big head about it.”
“You don’t say,” said Note, lowering his eyelids.
“I know, but this was a serious case. I had never been one to make the first move before, but something about Dash made me want to bed her as quickly as I could. So I kept bugging her.”
Later on, Spitfire and I sent the cadets through an obstacle course. Dash cleared that course fairly quickly.
“I’m done with the course, sir.”
“You know what? You can knock off the sir for now.”
“Oh, thank Celestia. I was really getting tired of that.”
“So, tough obstacle course, isn’t it?”
You call this tough? I’ve been through Ghastly Gorge.”
“No kidding? What’s your fastest time through there?”
“Let me see… about two minutes and ten seconds, start to finish.”
“Impressive. But, you say that like you’re the only pony in the world who’s done that.”
She turned to me with a bit of a smug grin. “Really. Name one other pony.”
“Myself.”
“No joking?”
“Yep, back when I was younger, that gorge was my flying ground, and I knew it like the back of my hoof. That part with the brambles is tricky, isn’t it?”
“Well, at first… but it’s not like I need flying lessons or anything.”
“I’m not saying you do, I’m just saying you’re not the only pony around here who can give everypony else a run for their bits.”
“With all due respect, you’re acting really uptight today.”
“Maybe I am.”
“Just curious, do you remember how we met?”
“The young flyers competition. Two years ago. You took home the gold.”
“I also saved your life.”
“Funny how that happens, isn’t it?”
She glared at me. “You know, I’m not sure I like your attitude.”
“She was right. I really was acting uptight. You know, looking back on how I was acting, I’m surprised she didn’t punch me. Celestia knows I certainly deserved it.”
“Not really, said Discord. “Mares usually know if a colt is talking through his dick. Half of all male bragging is a direct result of male pride.”
“What's the other half?” asked Note.
“Indirect results."
“Yeah,” said Soarin, “that’s pretty much what was happening. I bugged her almost incessantly for two days. By the end of it she was really getting ticked.”
“Anything smart to say about my new record time, captain?”
“Not all records are permanent. You should know, you just broke one.”
“You just love taking the fun out of everything I accomplish, don’t you?”
“Dash, come on. I’m just teasing you.”
“Well, you’ve been teasing me for about two days now. It’s really getting annoying.”
“Well, look at miss can’t-take-a-joke over here.”
“You know what? Maybe you should shut up.”
“Care to repeat that?”
“I said, maybe you should just shut your mouth and leave me alone!”
“You want me to shut up? You’re gonna have to make me.
She raised an eyebrow at me. “Is that a challenge?”
“Look, Dashie, you may have talent, but you can’t be the best at everything.”
“Oh yeah? Name your challenge.”
She had a serious face on. I had her right where I wanted her. “I trust you’ve heard about my off-record legacy around the academy. Why don’t you try me on for size?”
She realized what I had led her into. “Are you serious? You know that that kind of thing is against the rules. The last thing I need is to get in trouble with the General.”
The mention of the word ‘general’ intimidated me a bit, but not enough to discourage me from going ahead. “You think I’m really so careless that I’ll let this slip out?”
“Oh, you want to play it that way, do you?”
“Look, do you want to shut me up? Go ahead. If you come out on top, you win.”
Dash considered this for a moment. I had riled her up enough by this point that she would do anything to keep me quiet. “Alright. After practice. Your office. Be ready.”
“I always am.”
“Truth be told, I ain’t sure what possessed me to keep bothering her like that. I guess my hormones were taking over.”
“Congratulations, you managed to tease your way into a mare’s pants out of sheer pride,” said Discord, slowly clapping his hands together in the most bitter way possible.
“You know, I’m not sure you’re a good role model for Caramel,” said Note.
“Note, let him finish his story before you start passing judgement,” said Caramel.
“Well, in spite of my acting like a class-A jackass,” said Soarin, “I was set to bang the star rookie. I was feeling more ready than ever.”
I waited in my office patiently. It had been three hours since we made the bet, and I had been practicing my positions for a while when Dash walked in, done with training for the day. “Alright,” she said, “this had better be worth it.”
“It will be, trust me.” She got on the bed with me and slowly removed her uniform. I was starting to get really worked up.
“Have fun being on the bottom.” With that, the games began. She threw me onto my back, and sat on top of my dick, going up and down really quickly. She started to pant. I saw an opportunity to strike, and did so.
Once she started panting heavily, I used my legs to flip her onto her back. Now I could finish the job. I started thrusting as hard and as fast as I could into her smooth, silky behind. I had her where I wanted her. “You see what you did wrong?” I asked her, still moving in and out. “You got too cocky. And then I... took advantage... of that.”
Dash was panting heavily, but still had a determined look on her face. “Nice… moves… you got… there…” She was smiling. Not just any smile either. It was a dark smile, the kind of smile that came with burning eyes and slanted eyebrows
“Thank you… very… much…” I was working so hard that I was starting to pant heavily.
“Oh, yeah… by the way…”
Next thing I knew, I was jerked to the side and I was suddenly on the floor, on my back. I felt a tinge of pain in my spine but it didn’t last long. But then something occurred to me: I was almost done. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate, but I had lost too much energy to fight back. I could feel it coming.
Squirt!
I had climaxed. On my back. On the floor.
My blood hadn’t started flowing back to my brain yet, so I could barely see. But, I did notice one thing when I opened my eyes again. Dash’s face, looking down towards mine.
“Calling your moves? Generally not a good idea.”
“You… caught me off guard…”
“You did the same thing. Guess you were right. Everypony messes up once in a while.” She reached into her pussy and put some of her personal juice on her hoof before smearing it on my face. “You taste that, captain? That’s the taste of defeat. That’s the taste of karma biting you in the flanks.”
I took the time to reflect on the events that had led to this. I annoyed her for two days straight, she humiliated me. I acted like I was on top, and ended up on the bottom. I had fallen victim to my own pride. I got beaten by a recruit. And now, she was literally rubbing it in my face.
“You know, It’s tough enough to lose a fight, but if you’re not prepared to lose, it’s ten times worse. But what was even worse than that was knowing that, on reflection, I deserved it.”
“Ouch,” replied Thunderlane.
“That’s a whole new level of humiliation right there,” pointed out Note.
“Yeah, but I certainly had it coming. And Dash still wasn’t done with me.”
“Say it. Out loud. Right now. You know what I mean.”
I felt unable to speak. I was lying naked on the floor underneath a girl who was almost a decade younger than me. I was beyond words.
“Can’t you just admit what just happened?.”
I tried to speak but nothing came out.
“You do remember how to talk, right? You know, the thing you couldn’t stop doing earlier? Come on, just say it. I want to hear you say it.”
Despite my absolute misery, I let her have her moment. “You win.”
“And what else?”
I swallowed what was left of my pride. “I lose.”
“That’s right. And don’t you forget it.”
She got up and left me on the floor. She turned to leave. “And I’m sorry.”
Dash stopped cold and turned back towards me. “What?”
“I said I’m sorry. I’m sorry I acted like a jerk. I’m sorry I kept bothering you. I’m sorry that I wouldn’t let you have your moments.”
Dash was listening, but didn’t seem convinced. “Oh, so now you think you can just take this all off the record? You’ve been constantly bugging me for the past two days! You can’t just make me forget about all of that, you selfish prick!”
“I went too far. I get that now. I also know you’re really mad at me right now. But can you please just forgive me for acting like that?”
“Oh, don’t you even try that on me. I’m not letting you off that easily.The only reason you’re even upset right now is that you lost.”
“That’s not why I’m upset.”
“Oh really? Then why are you upset?”
“Because… I think… I…” I stumbled over my words. I knew what the answer was. I had known it from the moment I saw her. It was just hard to say.
“Well, come on and tell me. Why are you upset?”
I summoned up all of my courage in one breath. “Because I love you, Rainbow Dash.”
Her eyes opened wide. “You… what?”
“I love you. Ever since I first saw you, I’ve wanted to tell you how I feel about you. I mean, you are truly the most amazing mare I have ever met. Your moves are amazing, you have a good heart, and on top of that, you are just… beautiful.” I’m not afraid to admit, I was crying. I mean, it’s not like anything could have possibly made it worse.
Dash was shocked. I think she was actually blushing a bit. “You really mean that?”
“Did you really think I could forget the fact that you saved my life? The reason I was giving you such a hard time was that I was too embarrassed to tell the truth.”
The fire in her eyes had burned out. She just looked at me, on the ground, covered in cum, and started to feel a little odd. “I… don’t know what to say…”
“I understand if you’re still upset. Just please don’t hate me…”
She took a long look at me and eventually decided to speak up. “Hate you? After all of what you just said? Do you really think I’m that stubborn?”
“I haven’t exactly been thinking straight the past few days.”
“Well, at least now I know why you’ve been acting so weird.”
“I just needed to get it off my chest. I’m sorry I tried to trick you into sex.”
“Well, to be fair, I did say I would… and… it’s not like I never thought about it…”
I found the strength to pick myself up from the floor. “What was that?”
“I… kinda have something to confess. I actually wanted to do this before you started bugging me. I mean, when I was younger, you were like a role model to me. One of the best young fliers in Equestrian history. One of the reasons I wanted to join the wonderbolts was so I could meet my hero.”
I was feeling less upset now. “And who would that be?”
She definitely blushed that time. “You.”
“I couldn’t believe it. This whole time we could have both just told the truth and saved ourselves a whole mess of trouble. And yet here we were, in my office, post-sex, and telling each other everything. And then, silence.”
A silence hung in the air. Every single pony at the table had a stunned expression on their face. No one knew how to respond to what they had just heard.
“Well, that was… weird,” said Note.
“Weird doesn’t do it justice,” said Spike. ”That may have been the weirdest story I’ve ever heard. And that’s saying a lot.”
“Yeah,” said Soarin. “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure where to go from there.”
“Well… we both got what we wanted out of this… kind of.”
“Yeah, I guess we did.”
There was a long awkward silence. We were both blushing, we had both been keeping secrets, and we could both feel the seconds pass by.
I pondered in my head whether or not to break the silence. Eventually, I did. “So... you wanna go get something to eat?”
Dash considered this. “Sure, why not?”
“So, we’re fine?”
Dash looked at me for a second and then smiled happily. “Yeah, we’re fine.”
I smiled back at her. It was a rough start, but we were sure to go somewhere special from here. “Um, Dash?”
“Yeah?”
“You think maybe we could not tell anyone about this quite yet?”
"Why not?"
"Well, for one, this is incredibly awkward. Second, if the General finds out about this, we're both as good as gone."
Dash paused for a second. She weighed he options out and considered what to do next. But then, she smiled at me. “I think I’ve got a better idea.” With that, she walked towards me and sat down. “Let’s at least give this story a better ending.” She leaned forwards. “Let me see that dick of yours.”
I got a bit excited, and sure enough, there it was. “So what did you have in mind?”
“Well, first I’m gonna wash it off, because I know where it’s been. Then, I’m gonna pump it up a little and take a drink.” And that was what she did. She got a little cup of water and washed off my penis, and then she started pumping it up like she was trying to inflate a bike wheel. It felt good, but I wanted to do something in return.
“Dash, I wanna try something. You don’t mind being on the floor this time, do you?”
“Not at all. Why?”
“I wanna see how you taste.” Dash laid on her back, and I positioned myself so that she could get at my dick while I poked my tongue into her pussy. After a while, we both got finished up. It was even better than we could have imagined.
“That was really amazing, Soarin.”
“You weren’t so bad yourself.”
“In that moment, we both knew that this was more than a one-time deal. We went to lunch and discussed flying techniques and maneuvers for a while over a nice, hot apple pie.”
“Wow. That escalated pretty quickly,” said Caramel.
“How do you do it?” asked Note.
“Pardon?” replied Soarin.
“”How does a guy like you get so lucky? You’re a star wonderbolt, you’ve got a good relationship with another star wonderbolt, how in the world do you do it?”
“It ain’t easy. It takes a lot of hard work and a decent amount of confidence. Besides, my life’s not all glamorous. That little affair I was having with Rainbow Dash? News of that spread all over the camp like wildfire." Soarin took a long sip of his appletini and gave a heavy sigh. "It also got me in some serious trouble with the higher-ups when they found out. I got a really unpleasant letter from the General."
Everyone at the table, including Discord, got a little concerned. This did not sound good.
"What did he say?" asked Spike.
"It ain't for the faint of heart," replied Soarin.
“Dear Mr. Soarin, it has come to our attention that, in direct violation of academy regulations and standards, you have been dating and engaging in intercourse with a private. This kind of behavior is simply intolerable from a Wonderbolt, let alone a captain. I am shocked, appalled and ashemed that this kind of rotten, rule-breaking, behavior has hapened in a Wonderbolts camp and you should be grateful that I am not in my rights to have you two locked up. I will come to camp this weekend to discuss the terms of your dishonorable removal from the force, as well as that of your partner. Signed, The General.” I put down the letter. It was the worst possible news that I could have gotten. We were in serious trouble.
Dash looked like she was just about done with everything. She went over to the bed and just laid on her back, moping to herself. “Well, that’s it. I’m never gonna be able to achieve my lifelong dream. All because I couldn’t control myself. And not only that, but I got you in trouble too. I cannot believe how royally I just screwed everything up.”
I tried to comfort her. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I guess after nine years of this, it was gonna happen. I should have stopped when I had the chance.”
“Don’t blame yourself, blame me.”
“I’m not blaming you. You aren’t the reason we’re in trouble!”
“Yes I am!”
“What’s going on in here?” Me and Dash turned towards the door. Spitfire was standing in the doorway, looking at us.
“We’re in serious trouble,” I said. “It’s my fault.”
“No, it’s my fault,” said Dash.
“Let me stop you both right there,” Spitfire said. “I think I know what’s going on here. nd frankly, blaming yourselves, or anyone else, really, is not going to help. What you need to do is stop moping around and do something about it if you can.”
“It’s not going to be that easy, Spitfire,” I said panicking. “The General knows what we’ve been doing. There ain’t no reasoning with him!”
“The General has higher-ups too, you know. Maybe you could appeal to them. Look, the more you panic, the more time and effort you waste. You can both come up with something to get you out, I know you can. You’ve got brains, use them.” She walked off without another word, leaving me and Dash alone to plan our defense.
“I don’t suppose you personally know any of the higher-ups in the academy, do you?”
“Not as far as I know,” replied Dash.
“Well, there must be somepony we can talk to. Do any of your close friends have connections? There must be somepony we can rely on.”
All of a sudden, Dash’s eyes went wide, and she got a smile on her face. I could almost hear the ding of the light that went on in her head. ”I think I know somepony who could help.” She set off to her room to go write a letter. “You want connections? I’ve got a real doozy.”
“I didn’t know how she did it, but thanks to the help of a friend, she managed to get in contact with Princess Celestia herself. Later on, I found out that her friend was none other than princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“Lucky, lucky you.” said Caramel.
“What was really great about it was the fact that she got a letter back from the princess.”
“Dear Soarin and Rainbow Dash, My former student tells me that you were in a lot of trouble. Luckily for you, I have not had an extremely buy day, so I received your message in time. I wrote an appeal to the General, and he wrote me back saying that despite his low tolerance for foolishness, he would see fit to pardon you. Personally, I am glad that the two of you are so happy together, and that you have been able to stick together through this hard time. True love knows no limits or rules or boundaries, and the devotion you two have to each other is touching. Besides, those old Wonderbolt academy regulations are in serious need of an update. I really should get to that before something like this happens again. I wish you two great happiness. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.” Rainbow Dash put down the letter and smiled at me. "How's that for a connection?"
My jaw was hanging open. Rainbow had pulled through for me, and I couldn’t believe my luck. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew Princess Twilight?”
“It never came up, I guess.”
“Well, I’m just glad I still have you.”
“Soarin, I’m going to be honest. Even if we had gotten kicked out of the academy, you would have had me anyway.” She smiled at me and I smiled back. I was almost crying, I was so happy. “Oh, wait, there’s more to the letter…”
“What does it say?”
“P.S. Twilight told me to tell you that Spike told her to tell me to tell you that he ‘got lucky.’ She also says not to worry because her little friend is finally growing up and is feeling rather excited about it. It would appear that you two aren’t the only ones in Equestria learning about love.”
Spike blushed so hard that his entire face turned from purple to red.
The rest of the table was taken aback. This news had come from out of nowhere. “What exactly do you mean by ‘got lucky?’” asked Thunderlane.
“It’s a long story. I was really excited at the time and I wanted to let everyone know, and… I’ll… I’ll just tell you later, after Caramel’s done with his story.”
“I’m holding you to that,” said Note.
“Oh, by all means, just keep telling stories,” said Discord, getting impatient.
“And I haven’t forgotten about you either, Discord.”
The draconequus looked disappointed. He was stuck, and there was nothing he could do to avoid his fate. So, he just kept moving things along. “You were saying, Soarin?”
“Well, there’s really not much else to tell,” the wonderbolt captain said. “Just one last scene and that’ll be it for me.”
“Tell us, then,” said Big Mac.
Okay. It was the last day of the recruits’ training. The best of the best had made it, and would now be officially accepted into the wonderbolts. Among the newest rookies to join our ranks were Thunderlane here, and of course, Rainbow Dash. We had a really big ceremony, thousands of ponies from all over Equestria were there, and everyone was feeling really good about themselves. When Dash came up to receive her medal, I looked her in the eyes.
“I’m proud of you, Rainbow. You are the best flier I’ve ever seen in this camp.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she replied. We shared a moment, leaned in towards each other, and kissed, right before the ceremony came to a close.
“I just want to say,” said Spitfire, “ to everypony here, that all of you should be proud of what you have accomplished over the course of training. Your work is not yet done, but I know that you will never give up. You have all proven yourselves to be the best of the best, and I know you will all go far. Congratulations, and remember: Fly high, fly fast, and fly bravely.”
“There was a huge round of applause, we all celebrated with dinner, and went to bed. It was one of the best days of my life. For once, things were going right, and I was feeling happy. And that’s all I have to say about that.”
“I’m really happy for you, Soarin.” said Thunder.
“Me too,” said Note. “After all that trouble, you deserve a happy ending.”
“Now,” said Thunder, “If I’m not mistaken, it’s Caramel’s turn.”
Caramel, just like everyone else who had gone before him, was feeling incredibly nervous and wasn’t sure if agreeing to this was the smartest thing he had ever done. But, he downed his White Stalliongrad and decided to just let it out already. “Alright, it all started out when I was living in Manehatten…”
Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
Chapter Five: Caramel's Delight
“Me and my younger sister, Babs, had visited here about a couple times before, usually to help out the Ponyville branch of the family with their workload. Ever since my aunt and uncle… well… passed on, we’ve felt the need to help out around the farm. The first time I ever saw Twilight in person, she was helping out with Winter Wrap-Up and I found myself oddly drawn to her. Unfortunately, I was really terrible at talking to girls.”
“I know what you mean,” said Note. “It’s tough.”
“I promised myself that someday I’d find the courage to walk up to her, talk to her, and ask her if she’s interested.”
“And you did eventually, I’m guessing,” said Discord, sighing a little.
“Well, not quite…”
I was walking down the street, on the way to Sweet Apple Acres, and looking around at all of the shops along the way. I hadn’t ever gotten to spend much time out in the town itself, but I was fascinated by how welcoming it was. I felt a little sense of comfort.
Wham!
Before I could even react, I was on the ground and my head was aching. I opened my eyes and found a blurry purple shape in front of me.
“Ouch! Sorry about that, I didn’t see you,” I said.
“It’s okay, that’s not the first time that’s happened.” I recognized the voice. I regained my senses and found that it was none other than Twilight, staring right at me.
“Hey, I think I know you! You’re Twilight, right?”
She seemed a little curious. “How did you know?”
“I’ve seen you around town a couple of times. Remember Winter Wrap Up?”
“Oh, yeah. Come to think of it, I think I’ve seen you a couple of times before…”
“I doubt it. I’m not exactly from around here.”
“No, I’ve seen you around Sweet Apple Acres two or three times. Do you know Applejack, by any chance?”
“She’s my cousin.”
“Oh. What’s your name?”
“Caramel.”
“That’s a nice name.”
“Thanks.” I blushed a little bit. Pleasantries always make me nervous. I wanted to seem nice to her, but I didn’t want to get too friendly. “You know, you seem like a nice girl. Do you maybe want to…” I couldn’t continue. I was worried that I had gone too far ahead for her tastes. The last thing I wanted to do was make her think I was weird.
“Let me guess. You want to hang out?”
I was surprised. “How did you know-?”
“I can see it in your face. You want to get to know me, but you’re nervous. I’ll be honest, I’m incredibly flattered. Usually, I’m the awkward one in this situation.”
“You? I’m shocked.”
We smiled at each other a bit. “So, is the offer still available?”
“Sure. You, uh… want to come to the farm with me?”
“I’d love to.”
We got up off of the ground and walked up to the barn. As we walked there, I felt a sense of accomplishment. All I had to do was make small talk and I could become her friend. I looked around for a subject to talk about, and the first that came to my attention was that, shock of all shocks, she had wings. I could not believe I hadn’t noticed those before. “Those are… new.”
“What are new?”
“The… wings.”
“Oh, these? Yeah, they’re relatively new. I’m not a hundred percent used to them yet.”
“How did you get them?”
“Long story. I’ve been studying magic under Princess Celestia and she sent me an old book of spells and I kind of messed up reality and… well, the end of the story is, I finished my studies and became a princess. I know, it sounds stupid.”
“Stupid? You became an alicorn. That’s not stupid, that’s awesome!”
“I just don’t feel right about it. I don’t want to be treated like a princess, I just want to be myself.”
“You’re still you, aren’t you?”
“Well, I guess so…”
“Exactly. So, what kind of magic have you studied?”
“Well, I don’t like to brag, but I have a list of spells that stretches from one end of town to the other. And I’ve actually been working on a couple of new spells ever since my magic got an upgrade.”
“Wow. That’s awesome.”
“So what do you do for a living?”
“I don’t exactly have a job, but I do like to draw in my spare time.”
“Really? What kinds of things do you draw?”
“Landscapes, oceans, ponies, streetlights… If you can picture it, I can draw it. I’m still working on my skills, though.”
“I’m sure you’re a great artist. You seem like the type.”
I blushed red. I couldn’t believe that a pony I had just met, let alone a princess, was actually interested in what I had to say. When we came back to the barn, we ran into Applejack.
“Howdy there, Cara-” she turned to Twilight. “Twilight? What are you doing here?”
“I ran into your cousin. He wanted to hang out, so here I am.”
“Well, I’m happy to see you around. I needed a little pick-me-up today. I’ve been running all over this orchard more than a honeybee during pollen season, what with Applebloom and Babs going out crusading with their friends like they always do, and Mac going out for a hike. Again.”
“Wait, how come she never told me you two visited?” asked Mac.
“Probably because she didn’t want to bother you after you were done ‘hiking’ all afternoon, Mac.” The rest of the table giggled a bit.
Mac was red in the face. Well… more so than usual.
“C’mon, I’m just pulling your tail, Mac.”
“Just keep going, please.”
“Alright, alright, where was I?”
“So, do you mind if me and Twi hang out here in the barn for a bit?”
“Well, I suppose not. I’ll just leave you two alone for a minute.” She walked over to the door and went outside, before stopping and turning around. “Don’t do anything crazy, okay?”
“Got it.”
“Alright then.” She turned back around and went outside, closing the door. We sat and talked for a while, and didn’t do anything crazy, like AJ said. That was how we spent most of our first date. We had a few laughs, swapped stories and enjoyed each other’s company. Eventually, however, it started getting late and Twilight started freaking out about how she had to get back to the library before it got dark, so I offered to take her there.
When I got there, I was surprised. I didn’t expect the place to be so… home-like.
“Wow. This is pretty cozy, for a library.”
“Well, I do live here.”
“You what?”
“This was where I stayed when I first came to Ponyville. Ever since then, I’ve kind of made it into a home for me and Spike.”
“So, where is this little Spike, anyway?”
“I’m right here,” said someone behind my back. I slowly turned around and then almost had a heart attack.
“Y-y-y-y-y-you’re a… a… a...”
“Yes, I’m a dragon.”
“And… you can… talk.”
“You’re catching on quickly.”
“Spike,” said Twilight, “be nice. He offered to take me home.”
“Certainly took you two long enough. You left four hours ago!”
“I ran into him in town, and we talked for a bit. We spent the afternoon at Sweet Apple Acres, and I guess I lost track of time.”
“What were you doing at Applejack’s?”
“We were just talking, I swear.”
“Oddly enough, I believe you. So, what’s his name?”
“Caramel.”
“Nice name.” The dragon turned to me and looked me in the eyes. “So, you’ve been spending time with my mom, huh?”
Twilight seemed tense. “Spike...”
“I’m just joking around with him.” He turned back to me. “You seem a little on edge. Can I get you anything to calm you down? Milk? Cocoa?”
I couldn’t form words, but I tried. “C-c-c-c-c-c-co-co-”
“Cocoa it is, then.” He went into the kitchen to start making cocoa. Twilight walked up to me and snapped me out of my trance.
“Are you okay, Caramel?” she asked.
“You didn’t warn me he was a dragon!”
“So, to reiterate,” said Note, “you got freaked out by a tiny dragon.”
“Like the rest of you didn’t have a similar reaction. Besides, the way she was talking about him, I coulda sworn he was just another pony.”
“I get that reaction a lot,” said Spike.
“You cause nervous breakdowns a lot?” asked Discord.
“Well, usually not that badly, but Caramel was scared stiff.”
“You took me by surprise,” said Caramel.
“Same thing happened to these guys, but they didn’t begin stuttering when I started talking.”
“Whatever. Where was I?”
Spike came back with the cocoa a half hour later. By that time, the shock had worn off enough that I could actually talk to him.
“Here’s your cocoa, Caramel.”
“Thanks.”
“And some for Twilight. I’ll just leave you two alone for a minute.” He smiled, turned and headed up to his room.
“Wow.”
“What?” asked Twilight.
“Sorry,, it’s just… I’m still not quite over the fact that you have a dragon living with you.”
“Well, you get used to it after a while. I was kind of shocked when I first had him.”
“What do you mean had him?”
She got nervous again. “Er, had him as my assistant, I mean.”
I’m not usually one to pry, but I was a bit curious about what was up with her and Spike. “Is there… something you need to tell me?”
“No, it’s just… nothing.”
“It must be something if you’re so worried about it.”
She sighed a bit. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Sure. What is it?”
She took a deep breath. “Spike is… my son.”
Everypony at the table was shocked. However, that didn’t include Spike and Discord.
“Yeah, I overheard this part of the story,” said Spike. “I was a bit surprised at first, but I’ve kind of accepted it at this point.”
“Somehow I’m not shocked,” said the draconequus.
“How are you not shocked?” asked Thunderlane.
Discord started pointing out features of Spike. “Well, for one, the family resemblance is really quite incredible. Green scales and eyes from the father, purple skin and predisposition from the mother, it all adds up to little Spikey Wikey here.” He grabbed Spike’s cheeks. “And he’s just the most adorable thing, isn’t he?”
“Let go of my face,” said the indignant young dragon.
“Well,” said Caramel, “whatever the case, I was shocked. And then came the long and complicated explanation.”
She told me this really long and sad story about her and a dragon she met while she was still a student of magic. She had just gotten into the school for gifted unicorns and apparently she accidentally cast a spell on herself that made her lay a dragon’s egg. She was really scared to tell anypony and so she went up to the dragon and asked him to look after it and keep it a secret. So the dragon, I forget his name, took it home and kept it hidden, but apparently he fertilized it at some point.
Then apparently they decided to transport the egg back in time so nopony would figure out what happened. About then, she realized that it was the exact same egg she hatched to get into the academy in the first place. When she found out, she asked the school if the dragon she hatched was still around and decided to look after him.
“Why did you come back to look after Spike?”
“I felt like I had to help him. I didn’t want to get in trouble with the school or my parents, but I didn’t want to abandon him.”
“So you made him your assistant.”
“It was the only thing I could think of.”
“Does he know?”
“I don’t think he does.”
“Have you thought about telling him?”
“I’m not sure if I could tell him.” Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Spike watching from upstairs. I didn’t tell Twilight, though. I had put her through enough grief for one night.
“You know, I think you’re a good mom for him.”
She smiled a bit. “Thank you, Caramel.” She paused for a moment. “Do you think we should meet up again later?”
“I’d like that. Thank you and good night, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Good night, Caramel.” I went home feeling both a little happy, a little sad, a little hopeful and a little horny. I guess you could say I was in love.
The next time we met, it was at my place again. AJ and Mac had both gone out again, and me and Twilight decided that instead of talking, we should do something else.
“So, what did you have in mind.”
“Well, you said you were an artist, right?”
“I never said ‘artist’, but I guess.”
“Do you think you could draw me?”
My eyes opened up a little bit and I started grinning. “I’d love to.” Then I realized that I was going to have to get the supplies and the grin faded a bit. “Just give me a second to go find some things.” I went up to the ladder that led into the hayloft where the Ponyville Apples kept everything. I searched through about a hundred old boxes and five closets before I finally found some old paper and pencils. “Found it!”
“That took a while.”
“There’s a lot of stuff up here, okay?”
She chuckled. “It’s alright. Take your time. Do you want me to pose?”
“You don’t have to, but that would be awesome if you did.” I came down from the loft and noticed Twilight. She had, in fact, posed for me. Full frontal pose, in fact. “Oh dear Luna.”
“What is it?”
“Are you sure you’re comfortable posing like that?”
“Well, are you comfortable with it?”
“I… suppose I don’t mind that much…”
“Then I’m fine.” She wasn’t talking seductively or anything.In fact, she was acting pretty casually about it, but there was something about the way she was lying down that just yelled ‘come over here.’ But, I kept my cool and I drew every inch of her, from the tip of her horn to the tip of her tail.
I rendered her long, straight mane, her absolutely majestic wings, her sleek tummy, her long and beautiful looking legs, and the tail that matched her mane into a graphite snapshot that really seemed like a sight to behold. For a second in the middle, though, I stopped cold. Something felt odd about drawing her private area.
“Is something wrong, Caramel?”
“I… think I need to take a break.”
“Are you finished yet?”
“Not quite.”
“Well, how much did you draw?”
“You can come over here and see for yourself…” Twilight got up and looked at what I had drawn. I had everything filled in except for one certain area.
“Well, it looks beautiful so far, but... why is there a white spot where my tits normally go?”
“I… wasn’t sure if you wanted me to draw that…”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“Well, if you want me to draw them, I’d be happy to finish…”
“Sure. Should I go pose again?”
“If you want to.” She went and lied down again. I made sure to get the details on her teats just right and then I moved on to the finishing touch: her snatch. Just looking at it, my heart rate went up a bit. By the time I got finished penciling it in, I was feeling hot. “Drawing’s done.”
Twilight got up and looked at what I had drawn. It was one of my better pieces. “I love it. It looks really pretty.”
“Well, it certainly helps that you look pretty.”
She blushed a bit. “Is there anything else that you want to do?”
“Well, is there anything you want to do?”
“Well, honestly, I’m okay with whatever you want to do.”
I could hear a voice in my head saying ‘this is your opportunity, take it while you can.’ I threw all precaution to the wind and took my chance. “I can think of one thing.”
“What is it?”
“You.”
Twilight looked confused for a second. “Come again?”
“I want to have sex with you. Here, and now. Is that okay with you?”
“I… guess I’m okay with it.”
“Alright, then. Let’s start the royal treatment, shall we?”
I started by putting her down on her back, and getting on top of her. I start rubbing up against her, trying to make myself as hard as I possibly could be, and getting between her tits.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I want you to see the action.”
“Can’t you do anything else?”
I thought for a second, and stopped. “How about this?” I turned around, took my hoof and poked at her downstairs entry for a bit, trying to get it open. Twilight was enjoying herself. Suddenly, I got her snatch open, and stuck my hoof inside, rubbing her cherry.
“That feels amazing. Can I try something?”
“What do you want to try?”
“I’ve been working on some spells... to enhance reproductive traits.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ll find out in a second.” Her horn start to glow. Suddenly, I felt a tingle in my crotch. I looked down, and before my eyes, I could see my junk growing. My penis extended about an inch and my balls got twice as big. I couldn’t believe it. After that, she started yanking on it with her magic. It felt incredible.
“How did you learn to do that?”
“You’d be surprised... how many ways... you can use magic for sex.”
“I don’t suppose you could use that magic on yourself?”
“I could try.” Her horn started glowing brighter and I could see her tits swelling up an extra size or two. “Did that work?”
“It worked, alright.” I leaned over, hoof still in her pussy, and started sucking on her breasts. I could still feel a little bit of magic on her nipples.
Despite my hoof in her vagina, Twilight kept her concentration and started jerking me off even quicker. Finally, I felt a rush. I was about to cum. And judging from what I was feeling down in Twilight’s snatch, so was she.
Squirt!
I came all over her face, and she got hers all over my hoof. Out of curiosity, I tasted some. It was warm and sticky and tasted really odd. “You feeling alright back there, Twilight?”
“I’m fine… thank you…” I turned around and looked at Twilight. The poor girl was almost out of breath, but smiling happily. I returned the favor.
“You seem happy.”
“I am.”
Just then, I felt a tingle all throughout my body I had no idea what was going on, but in less than a second my mane was covering my eyes and I felt incredibly warm. “Twilight, What just happened? Why do I feel like I’m wearing a winter coat?”
I couldn’t see her, but she sounded worried. “Oh no. The spell must have had some side effects. I’m sorry...”
“Well, can’t you reverse it or something?”
“I don’t know the counterspell! Ugh, I should have thought this through!”
“Why are you complaining? I’m the one who made himself look like an idiot.”
“You’re not the only one…” I lifted my mane out of my eyes and saw that Twilight had also experienced some unfortunate side effects: she had literally turned green. She looked a bit like a frog, actually.
“So,” summed up Spike, “you started painting her, and ended up turning her into a frog, and yourself into walking hair.”
“That is by far the weirdest sex story I have heard in my entire life,” said Thunderlane.
“I’ve heard weirder,” said Discord.
“So, while she was a frog, did she look a little… off to you?” asked Mac.
“What do you mean?” responded Caramel.
“Well, were you... turned off or anything?”
“That’s the weird thing. I wasn’t. Somehow I saw past the green, slimy-looking coat and I still saw Twilight. And despite the fact that I couldn’t see an inch in front of me, I didn’t mind. Because I knew that Twilight and I were special, in more than the obvious way.”
“And that’s how you found out she was a keeper?” asked Noteworthy. “A spell gone wrong?”
“Well, it’s hard to forget something like that. Me and Twi got through that, we can get through anything.”
“So how did you two manage to get better?” asked Soarin.
“I’m getting to that.”
“Well, isn’t there somepony you could talk to who could help?”
“I do know a zebra who could help.”
“Alright then, let’s go see this zebra. Can I hold your hoof?”
“Why?”
“First, because I can’t see a damn thing. Second, because we’re in this together. Lead the way.” She did. I couldn’t see, but I heard everything that happened. We walked out the door,along a peaceful nature trail into the Everfree forest. I felt a chill down my spine as soon as we came in, even under the extra hair.
“Alright, stay close. We’re in the Everfree.”
“I figured. This place doesn’t feel right.”
“Just keep calm and follow me.” I heard a loud roar behind us. “On second thought, run!”
“You don’t have to tell me twice!” We ran, still side by side, away from whatever was behind us for a good mile or so. I could barely breathe by the Time we finally lost it.
“Are you okay?”
“Depends. Are you still there?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m okay.”
Twilight chuckled a bit. “We’re just about here. I’ll take you in to meet Zecora and this should hopefully be cleared up in no time flat.” We entered this old hut that smelled like tea leaves, tree roots and some kind of soup.
“Twilight! My little princess! Ah, I see you’ve brought a guest!” The voice sounded like no other I’d heard. It was oddly enchanting.
“You must be Zecora,” I said. “My name is Caramel. Nice to meet ya.”
“Hmm. You are from Manehatten, I can tell, by the sound of your voice, Caramel. It would seem, by the length of your hair, that a spell has gone wrong. Is that fair?”
“Yeah, Twilight and I were-” I stopped cold. I didn’t want to be too open with her.
“Let me explain,” said Twilight. “We got a little crazy with come certain spells, and I must have accidentally infected us both with magic. I haven’t figured out any counterspells for this situation, so we came here, past a rather angry timberwolf, to see if you could help us out.”
“Ah, see what has happened here. Twilight, my friend, you must not fear. True, it would have been wise to protect him and yourself. However, I have a little cure in the book on my shelf.” Twilight levitated the book to Zecora, who flipped through the pages and found an antidote for byproducts of sexual magic. “I will gather the ingredients for this brew, but I’m afraid it will take up an hour or two.”
“I’m sorry to barge in on you like this. I know you’re probably busy.”
“I have done this kind of work before. It is no hassle for me to do once more.”
“Wait,” I said. “You’ve done this kind of thing before?”
“This is not the first time I’ve removed a hex that was the unwanted result of sex.”
I turned to Twilight and whispered. “How does she keep doing that?”
“Doing what?” she whispered back.
“The rhyming thing. Does she always do that?”
“I have practiced for many years, my friend, to perfect the art of rhyming without end,” replied Zecora, not skipping a beat.
I turned towards her. “Can you just make the potion, please?
“I was already doing it, but I shall continue whilst you two sit.” I gave up and me and Twilight sat down for a while, waiting for Zecora to work her magic.
“Caramel?”
“Yeah, Twilight?”
“I hope you’re not upset with me.”
“I’m not. I was the one who brought up the idea in the first place. You should be upset with me.”
“But I’m not.”
“Exactly. We made a mistake, but it’s okay. We’ve just got to be more careful next time.”
“Caramel. This is serious. We just got lucky that Zecora knew how to help us out.”
“Well, we know now that we’ve got to think about this. Besides, even if she hadn’t been able to help… It wouldn’t have mattered to me.”
“It wouldn’t?”
“I don’t care if you’re a princess, a frog-pony or Celestia knows what else, just as long as you’re still you. Because I love you.”
“You know, I don’t think I would have minded either.” I couldn’t see, but I knew, right then and there, that she was smiling at me. I smiled back at her.
We waited for a bit for Zecora to finish. When she finally did, we breathed a sigh of relief.
“Each of you must share this bowl,” she said, “to get your bodies back under control.”
I got the bowl first. I drank half of it. It was probably the weirdest-tasting thing I ever had in my life. But, the results were successful enough. I could see, and I didn’t feel hot anymore. Twilight drank the rest of the bowl and turned back to her familiar shade of purple. I could now see Zecora. I was never more happy to see the inside of an old shack than right there.
“Thank Celestia that worked,” Twilight said. “I don’t know if I could explain to anypony how I ended up turning green.”
“Yeah, I‘m thinking maybe we should just keep this between us,” I said. “And Zecora. Thanks, by the way.”
“You are most welcome, Caramel. Still, I suggest you two get back to Ponyville,” she rhymed.
I remembered that we were supposed to be up at the barn. “Oh, no. You’re right. We gotta head back before AJ gets worried.”
“Thank you for your help, Zecora,” said Twilight. “You can keep a secret, right.”
“Of course. We are in agreement, then, to never speak of this-”
“...again.” I finished with her. I had caught on to her rhyming scheme. She grinned at me as if to say ‘Congratulations, you figured it out. Not that I had any sort of doubt.’
“Impressive. You learned two things from this experience,” smirked Discord.
“Technically,” replied Caramel, “three things. One, be careful during sex. Two, there’s a rhyme for pretty much everything. Three, Twilight and I were now a thing.”
“You’re just lucky the spell wasn’t more serious. You could have been actually blind.”
“I know. It was a stupid mistake. A stupid mistake that I never made again.”
In addition to her advice, Zecora gave us some magic protection, for later occasions, and a book of sex spells and counterspells. There were even some new sex spells, some of which I didn’t even know were actually possible. When we got back, AJ was looking for us, as I thought she would be.
“Where in Equestria were you two? You’ve been gone almost three hours and I’ve been worried sick!”
“We just went for a walk through the Everfree,” I said. “We got kind of lost, and then we got chased by a Timberwolf…”
AJ wasn’t buying it. “What’s in the bag?”
“What bag?”
“The one that Twilight’s carrying.”
I looked over at Twilight. She was carrying a bag full of the things that Zecora gave us. “Well,” Twilight said. “They’re just some new spellbooks that I got from Zecora.”
“I thought you said you just went for a walk.”
“We did, but then we…”
“Look here, y’all. I may not be as smart as Twilight, but I ain’t stupid. I know a lie when I see one. I don’t know what happened between you two, but you had best keep it between you. There’s enough weird stuff going on around town as is, and I don’t want to hear any more of it.”
“AJ-” I started.
“Don’t say another word. You can have your fun, but go have it somewhere else. I have had a long day and I don’t need this right now.” With that she turned around and headed back into the barn. I felt a little stupid.
“What’s the matter?” asked Twilight.
“Oh, nothing,” I said. “My cousin thinks I’m weird and the rest of the family is probably wondering about me. I’m fine, honestly.”
Twilight saw right through my sarcasm. “Look, I know it feels weird to you.”
“You have no idea.”
“Look, if you keep focusing on mistakes you made, you’ll never get better. Besides, now we know what to do if this happens again.” I sighed a bit. She had a point. I guess I was still a little freaked out my my temporary blindness. “Do you want to go to the library and try again?”
I considered the offer. “Maybe tomorrow. AJ needs some time to relax.”
She smiled back at me. “Same time tomorrow. Don’t forget!”
“I won’t!”
“And you didn’t,” said Discord, smiling a bit.
“I wonder why my sister was so cranky,” pondered Mac. “I mean, it’s not like she didn’t do something similar.”
“Well, your sister had to wait for a while to get to the good part,” said Thunderlane. “No offense, Note.”
Note replied without thinking. “None take- hey!”
“Come on, Note. I’m just yanking your tail.”
“I think you’ve done enough yanking tonight,” Noteworthy muttered under his breath. “Please continue, Caramel.”
“Alright, where was I?”
The next time we saw each other, we took all the precautions. Magic protection, counterspells at the ready, Spike out of the house, and we both knew what to expect this time. Well, for the most part. The book threw a few surprises at us.
“Roleplay spells?” I read, questioningly. “What does that mean?”
Twilight took a closer look. “With these spells, each partner will know what it is like to play a different part.” We flipped a page or two and came across something we were both curious to try out.
“You thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Alright, let’s see if this works.” Twilight powered up her magic and a glow of energy surrounded both of us. When it was over, I looked smaller and Twilight looked bigger.
“Did it work?” I covered my mouth. I sounded like a mare.
“It looks and sounds like it worked,” Twilight said in a stallion’s voice. “But just to make sure…”
We both looked down at our crotches. My dick was nowhere in sight, but Twilight had one. The spell had worked. We had switched genders. “Well, let’s get started,” I said.
“Wait,” said Twilight. “I need to get ready first.”
I caught his drift. “Okay. I’m ready…” I turned around and presented my new parts to Twilight. “...whenever you are.”
Twilight blushed a bit, but regained his composure quickly. “I think I’m ready now.” He levitated an enchanted rubber from the bag and put it on, ready to enter. “Tell me if it get’s too rough.”
“I will,” I said. He came over, prodded me for a bit, and then finally slipped his cock into my vagina. I had never experienced this kind of thing before. It felt odd being the one on bottom for once. I wasn’t sure if I liked it. Twilight, meanwhile, wasn’t feeling that comfortable either.
He was having trouble keeping a rhythm of in and out. “How do you… manage to… keep this up?”
“It takes a while to get used to… just keep going.”
He started getting faster, but he was short on breath. I was beginning to feel a little bit of pain in my pussy, but I ignored it. After a while, Twilight and I finally got the hang of it. I was feeling rather pleasured and Twilight was having the time of his life. After that, I felt an odd warmness, which I guessed meant Twilight was finished. Eventually, I felt something coming out of me.
Squirt!
We were both finished. I had taken a bit longer than Twilight, but I had done it.
“So,” asked Twilight, “how was it?”
“Not bad… for the first time.”
“You want to go back to normal now?
“In a minute. I want to try something else.” I stuck my hoof into my vagina and starting rubbing my clit. I was curious as to how female masturbation felt.
Apparently Twilight got a similar idea and started jacking his penis.
After ten more minutes, me and Twilight were finished. Overall, it had been a weird and interesting experience, but not something I’d be comfortable with permanently.
“Okay, I think I’m done being a mare,” I said, panting heavily.
“Good, because I’m done being a stallion,” said Twilight. He looked through the book and found the counterspell. His magic started to glow again and before I knew it we were back to our old selves.
“Let’s try something else next time,” I said, relieved to be male again.
“Whatever you say,” she said.
We had dinner, I said goodnight and walked home, hoping to get some sleep. I looked over the situation in my head. Yes, the sex wasn’t always really good, but something about Twilight compelled me to keep trying. When I got home, I made up my mind.
“Applejack,” I said, walking in the door.
“What is it, Caramel?”
“I think me and Babs are going to stay a bit longer than planned.”
“So, that’s my story. It was weird and made no sense, but I’m sticking with it.”
The table, at this point, were pretty sure that after five stories full of several sexual oddities, nothing could surprise them at this point.
“Well,” said Note, “Anypony want to try and follow that insanity?”
“There’s nopony left,” said Soarin. “All we have is a dragon and a different dragon.”
“Draconequus,” corrected Discord.
“Sorry. I think Spike volunteered to go next.”
Spike gulped. There was no possible way he could follow that story. “Um… honestly, I… haven’t really had sex with Rarity.”
“Then why did you say you did?” asked Mac.
“Just… let me explain.”
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Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
Chapter Six: A Biological Study of the Male Dragon
“Recently,” said Spike, “I went through a few weird changes. I got taller, my voice changed a bit, I got boners randomly, I came in my bed...”
“There’s nothing weird about that. It’s just adolescence,” said Discord.
“Gesundheit.”
“It means you’re getting older,” said Thunderlane.
“Oh. Well, whatever was happening, it was really embarrassing to deal with. Anyway, Twilight thought that, since I’m ‘getting older,’ It would be a good idea to do some kind of bio… something study.”
“Biological?” asked Soarin.
“Yeah, that’s it. Needless to say, I wasn’t really up for it.”
“Let me get this straight,” I said. “You want to look at my junk?”
“Among other things,” she said. “For scientific purposes.”
“Well, I don’t wanna do that. I’m not gonna let you.”
“Come on, Spike. I promise it won’t take long.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
“Spike, it’s just a few quick measurements and observations.”
“No way in Tartarus.”
“Please, Spike, if you’d only cooperate with me…”
“It’s not going to happen, Twilight.”
She sighed for a moment. “I was afraid you’d say that.” She stood there, ooking at me for a long time, in the slim hope that I would change my mind. Then, something occurred to her. “I’m going to go out for a moment, Spike. I’ll be back shortly.” She left and closed the door.
I sighed, went over to the door and locked it behind Twilight. I finally had some time to myself. I went up to my bedroom to get my, well... ‘reading material.’ I had been keeping it hidden in my bed so Twilight wouldn’t find out. Now that she was out, I could finally read it in peace. Which was good, because I desperately needed to jack off.
I looked through the stack of magazines. Pony Pussy Monthly, Playcolt, a page or two of Equestrian Geographic... I had a lot of it stashed away in my keepsakes box. I flipped through the pages of Playcolt before finally coming across a good picture. A tall, thin mare, in a shallow bathtub, doing a full frontal pose for the photographer. I felt myself getting incredibly hard.
As I kept going through the magazine, I grabbed a hold of my junk and started masturbating. At this point, it had become a habit, the only thing I could do that kept me calm. It just felt so good to let the energy out of my system. I kept going, in a sort of rhythm, and eventually I had gone through Playcolt completely. On to the next magazine. I kept going through that, keeping the rhythm as best as I could, but I finished that quickly too. I went through five magazines and a dozen photos, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t think it was possible, but my porn collection wasn’t enough for me to finish. I needed something else to keep going.
I put my stash away and searched through the library, still semi-hard and not even half-ready to cum. Twilight must have had some adult books stashed somewhere in the library, right? Well, I found no luck on the library’s shelves, so I headed back upstairs to check under Twilight’s bed. Sure enough, I did find porn... of the male variety. It didn’t feel right, but I was desperate, so I took what I could get.
It felt odd looking at dirty photos of stallions, but I tried as hard as I could to finish with those books. I wasn’t having much luck. I couldn’t get it up again. About halfway through an old issue of Playfilly, I heard the door unlock. I took my hand off my crotch, slowly turned my head and looked at the opening door. Standing in the doorway was Twilight. There was no way to explain this without embarrassing myself.
“Spike, what are you doing with my magazine?”
“I was just… uh… reading this article on the latest trends?”
She levitated the magazine out of my claws, evidently not believing me. “This issue is from four years ago. Spike, were you masturbating to my porn collection?”
I couldn’t keep a straight face. “Maybe?”
“Why? I know you’ve got your own porn.”
I was turning red. “You do?”
“I found your ‘keepsakes box’ while I was cleaning up about a month ago. You’re not very good at hiding things.”
I took a deep breath and explained. “Well, I was using mine, but then I ran out.”
Twilight looked concerned. “You... ran out... of porn?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t finish before I had looked at all of the pages...”
Twilight seemed worried. “I guess it’s a good thing I brought some stimulation along, then.”
“Stim-you-what-now?” I looked behind Twilight. Standing in the doorway, waiting to come in, was Rarity Belle, looking as beautiful as ever. I “Hi, Rarity,” I managed to let out.
“Hello there, Spikey Wikey. Twilight asked me to come over and help out with…” She paused and turned to Twilight. “What was it again?”
“A biological study,” she replied. “Spike is getting older, and I’ve been meaning to document the features of the draconian male in its adolescent stage.”
“Gesundheit, darling. So, what do you need me to do?”
“I’m trying to document all the features of Spike’s body. However, in order to finish doing that, I feel that our little dragon requires a bit of… how shall I put this… encouragement.”
“So you brought me over to… make him horny?”
“Well, he seems to be highly attracted to you in particular, so I figured your help would gather the most efficient results. Also, a few of these tests require an extra pair of hooves, and I know you have an excellent attention to detail.”
“Twilight, I’m flattered, but I don’t know if I’m okay with using Spike like this.”
“We’re not using him, we’re just looking at him to see how he works.”
“Well, if Spike is okay with this, then I won’t mind. Do you mind us doing this, Spike?”
I thought for a split second. I wasn’t sure how I felt about being studied, but if Rarity was involved, I’d be happy to do anything. “I’ll do it,” I said.
“So you had to be coaxed into sex?” asked Big Mac.
“Like I said, it wasn’t exactly sex. Although I got pretty close.”
“So what kind of tests did Twilight run on you?” asked Caramel. “Anything really crazy?”
“I’m getting to that.”
“Alright, Spike,” said Twilight, “put your arms up and stand still, please.”
I did as Twilight said. She came over to me and got out an old measuring tape. measured my height, waist, wingspan, spines, tail and lastly my crotch. It felt weird, having my mom look at my junk. But I suppose it could have been worse.
Rarity observed what Twilight was doing. She took a look below the belt and jumped back a bit. “Oh my stars! Is that normal for him?”
“Yes it is, as far as I know,” said Twilight.
“I can’t believe I never noticed that until now!”
“You didn’t know that dragons were diphallic?”
“Die-what?” I asked, confused.
“Diphallic,” she repeated.
I was worried for a second. “Is that bad?”
“No, it’s just a technical term for the possession of a double-headed reproductive organ.”
I tried to process this. No dice.
Twilight sighed. “It means you have two penises.”
“Oh.” My fear had disappeared into thin air and been replaced by indifference.
“Wait, wait, hold the phone!” interrupted Thunderlane.
“What?”
“You have two dicks?”
“Yeah. Why?”
Thunder was shocked. “How does that work?”
“Are you confused, or are you jealous?” asked Note, smirking. Thunder shot a glare at him while the rest of the table laughed.
“To be fair,” said Discord, “it’s not entirely uncommon for certain species of reptile to be diphallic.”
“Wait,” said Soarin. “How did she not notice that until she checked?”
“A lot of my friends are selectively observant. Speaking of which...”
Twilight measured each of my dicks.
“Let’s see… left, 6.8 centimeters base to tip, flaccid… right, 6.9 centimeters flaccid… width of both is about 1.7 centimeters…
I was feeling really embarrassed. “Twilight, do you have to say the numbers out loud?”
“I’m just making sure I’m getting it correctly. Besides, I’m done measuring you now.”
“You are? You mean I can move again?”
“Nope, still a few measurements to go.”
“But I thought you said you were done measuring me.”
“I am. The rest of these measurements will be taken by Rarity.”
“I suppose it’s my turn then,” said Rarity.
“Yep.” Twilight walked over to Rarity and levitated her a checklist and a pen. “Just take this list of measurements and write them down for me, please.”
“Alright then.” She took the clipboard and the pen with her horn and walked over, putting them gently on the floor. She took the measuring tape Twilight had been using and started measuring, checking for any significant differences with absolute precision. Her approach to the measurements felt a bit more sensual. “Just hold still, Darling.”
“Y-yes, ma’am,” I said, feeling really odd.
She was carefully noting every single detail of my body that she could notice. “A slight length difference on the spines,” she noted, writing down the length of each one. My heart was starting to race. I had never been felt up this much by anypony before. I could feel the blood pumping to my dicks. Rarity was a bit taken aback when I got hard, but went on measuring anyway. “Left, 9.1 centimeters base to tip, erect… right, 9.2 centimeters, erect... both around 2.2 centimeters wide. A pretty decent size for someone his age, I’d say.”
I was beginning to blush.
“Well, darling,” Rarity said to Twilight, “I’ve finished the measurements, and my results seem to be lining up with yours fairly well.”
“Okay, that’s good. I’ll need to work out some calculations later.
There was a knock at the door. Twilight went to go get it. On the other side of the door was Applejack.
“Applejack? What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for Caramel,” she said. “He’s been out of the barn for a while and I was wondering if he came here.”
“He left a while ago. You must have passed him.”
“Well, shoot.” She looked over at me and Rarity. “What in blue blazes is going on here?”
“We’re doing a physical study on Spike. Now that he’s getting older, I figured it was about time to see how he worked. I was just writing down some figures for calculation later.”
Applejack took a look at the list of equations that Twilight had written down. “You know, I could probably sort these out for you, if you don’t mind.”
Twilight was surprised. “You know Calculus?”
“Us Apples know our mathematics, Twilight.”
“Wow, Note,” said Thunderlane, “you got a smart girl. Probably smarter than you.”
Note was offended. “I know how to do math. But how do I know you do?”
“Please, gentlecolts,” said Discord, “let’s not turn this evening into any more of a cock measuring competition.”
“Sorry,” the two stallions replied in unison.
“Anyways,” continued Spike, “pretty soon the study got a bit more complicated. They took X-Rays, they measured my heart rate, they tested my speed on a path through Whitetail Woods… by the end of all the tests, I was getting really tired.”
“Well, this has been a really productive day,” said Twilight, happily examining the results of all the tests.
“Are we done yet?” I asked, lying on the floor and drained of energy.
“Almost, Spike. Now, I just need a couple of samples.”
“What kind of samples?”
“Two types. First, we need a blood sample.”
I cringed a bit. I knew that there was no completely painless way to get blood.
“I promise it won’t take long. The more you cooperate, the quicker it will be over with.”
Twilight took out a syringe. I knew that it was coming, so I decided to just sit still and let it happen. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, and now I was ready for pain. Any second now, there would be a sharp metal point sticking into my arm. Or at least I thought so. All I felt was a series of taps. Then, I heard a small snap.
“Is there a problem, Twilight?” I heard Rarity’s voice say.
“The needle can’t get through the scales,” I heard her whisper. “I’ll have to use a thicker one if I want to draw a sample.”
I cringed even more.
“Twilight, you do know he can hear us right now, don’t you?” asked AJ.
“Well unless one of you can think of a more painless way to draw blood, We’re going to need a bigger syringe.”
I was ready before, but now I was getting more and more tense.
“Twilight, can’t you at least give him something to dull the pain?” asked Rarity.
“I’ve tried before. Anesthetics just don’t seem to work on dragons.”
“Well there must be something we can… hold on a moment, Twilight.”
About two seconds later, I felt somepony holding me closely. I didn’t even need to open my eyes to know who it was. I recognized her gentle, ladylike touch. I went from being scared to being happy in the course of about two seconds. She really cared about me. She really liked me. She was touching me, and it felt like magic. I didn’t say a word or even open my eyes. I just let Rarity caress me for half a minute.
“...And that’s the blood sample taken care of,” said Twilight.
“The needle didn’t hurt too badly, did it Spike?” asked Rarity, in a gentle tone of voice.
“What needle?” It was amazing. I hadn’t even felt anything, and yet the syringe had a good 10 milliliters of my blood in it. “Wait, you took the sample already?”
Twilight was amazed that I hadn’t even reacted to the syringe, although I did feel a slight tinge of pain where the needle had been. “You didn’t feel a thing? Wow.” She looked up at Rarity, impressed. “That’s a surprisingly effective technique you used there, Rarity.”
“I was just trying to give Spikey Wikey a little comfort. I know how much needles can hurt.” She continued to nuzzle me. “Just a little reassurance can do wonders.”
“Well, ain’t you just happier than a hog in the mud.” said AJ.
“To be honest, I do enjoy the occasional mud bath...”
“That... wasn’t my point.”
Twilight ignored the conversation and continued talking. “Well, now that the blood sample is done, now comes the fun part.”
“Fun part?” asked all three of us in unison.
“Yep. We’re taking a sperm sample.”
I didn’t know how to respond. “You want me to jerk off into a bottle?” I asked.
“Not a bottle, Spike. A beaker. For scientific purposes.”
At this point, I just wanted to get the test over with. So, I took the two beakers she had given me and I started going to work. “You might want to give me some space.”
Everypony else stepped back and I got a firm grip on both of them. Then I started jerking up and own on them as fast as my arms would let me, expecting a gigantic shot at any moment.
I kept going and going, but my dicks just weren’t cooperating. I tried for more than ten minutes to get myself up. No matter how much I jacked, or how many explicit photos I pictured in my head, or how hard and fast I kept jerking myself off, I wasn’t getting any kind of results. Eventually, My arms got too tired to even move anymore. I just couldn’t do it.
“Spike, what’s wrong?” asked Twilight.
I was too worn out to even respond properly. “Can’t… feel… arms…” I managed. “Help… me...”
The mares all looked really concerned. I couldn’t masturbate normally anymore, and I had almost broken my arm doing it.
“This ain’t good,” pointed out AJ.
“Poor little guy is exhausted,” said Twilight, getting worried. “I don’t think he’ll be able to move for a while.”
“Well, what do we do now? We have to get a semen sample, but if he moves those arms anymore, he’ll sprain something.”
I looked over at Rarity and our eyes met. I felt like I was going to black out, but I could still see the look of worry on her face. That look of worry soon changed into determination. “Stand back, girls, I’ll handle this.” She walked up to me and faced me head on.
“Rarity, what in tarnation do you think you’re doing?”
“Something that I’m guessing Spike has wanted me to do for a long time.”
She sat down, took her hooves, and starting massaging my junk. It felt really relaxing and incredible. She soon started speeding up, just enough to work her magic. Before my eyes, I found myself getting erect again. I was so happy I could sing. Instead, though, I just let the moment continue.
She kept up the perfect pace, and not only that, but she decided to give me a little more ‘stimulation.’ She put her muzzle up to my balls and started fondling them slightly. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt, up until she decided to go one step further. I could feel her tongue, gently licking my crotch like a popsicle.
It was the final weight that tipped the scale. I could feel a tingle in my nuts and finally…
Squirt!
I shot my load all over everything in front of me, including not only the beakers, but a good part of the floor and Rarity’s face and mane. Through some kind of miracle, I was awake long enough to keep talking. “Sorry, Rarity,” I said.
“It’s quite alright, Spike. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to wash semen out of my mane.”
I couldn’t believe what had just happened. The mare of my dreams had just given me a hoofjob, and on top of that, licked my nuts, of her own free will. “Thank you,” I said.
She smiled at me. That was the last thing I saw before I blacked out.
“So that was as far as you got?” asked Caramel. “A hoofjob and a ball-licking?”
“I guess everyone has to start somewhere,” said Noteworthy.
“That’s actually pretty close to sex,” pointed out Mac.
“It could have easily been sex if she hadn’t stopped at the ball-licking,” said Spike. “But later on, when I woke up, we started talking.”
“I still can’t believe you went out of your way to do that,” I told her.
“Oh, that was nothing, Spike,” Rarity said. “I was just… helping you out.”
I was a little put-down. “It didn’t feel like nothing to me.”
“Oh, Spike. I’m glad you enjoyed it, but I was just trying to help you, nothing more.”
“But it felt so amazing. And you didn’t have to do it, but you did!”
“Spike, I’m sorry to tell you this, but, I’ve done this so many times, with so many stallions, that it just doesn’t feel special to me anymore. Although, if it makes you feel better, this is the first time I’ve had to work with two penises at once…”
“So I don’t mean anything to you? I’m just another guy for you to jerk off?”
“I’m not saying that. You are special to me. It’s just… I’m not ready to go any farther than that. Not with you. At least, not yet.”
“Why not?”
Rarity sighed. “Spike, you have to understand something. Sex is the last thing I do when dating. If a stallion ever sees me it bed, it will be the last time we ever see each other, unless I’m sure I want to be with him.”
“Well, can’t you at let me have sex with you?”
“That’s the thing. I’m not sure about you just yet. I do like you, but you’re still so young. I can’t make a decision until I can think of you as a real adult.”
“But when will you make a decision?”
“Don’t worry about it, Spike. Even if things don’t work out between us, I’m sure a nice dragon like you could easily find a good mare. Besides, at least you’ll always have something to remember me by.”
I looked at her and smiled. Maybe I wasn’t the one for her, or maybe I was. Whatever the case, I had something to look forward to. We shared a hug and then Rarity went on her way.
“Goodbye, Twilight!” she said as she walked out.
“It’s getting late,” pointed out AJ. “I should probably get going too. So long, Twi.”
“Bye girls,” said Twilight. “Thanks for all of your help!”
AJ and Rarity were gone, Twilight was busy putting together her report, and I was feeling like a champ. I hadn’t technically had sex, but at least I had a guarantee that I would soon enough. Plus, I had helped out Twilight, which meant that pretty soon she would thank me with ice cream and brownies, like she usually did after I helped her out with a big project.
I was just about ready for bed, but Twilight stopped me for a minute. “Hold on Spike. I wanted to talk to you before you went to bed.”
“About what?”
“I just wanted to thank you for putting up with me today. I know I don’t say it much, but… I’m glad you’re always there for me.”
“Thanks, Twi. That’s why I’m here.” I turned to go to bed, but Twilight wasn’t done yet.
“One more thing. I… probably should have told you this earlier, but I guess I never felt ready to tell you. I’m not lying to you anymore, you deserve to know the truth.”
“The truth about what?”
She swallowed and took a deep breath. “Spike… you weren’t adopted. You’re my son.”
I had heard this before, but for her sake I pretended to act shocked. “I am?”
“I know you’re surprised, but… it’s true. You were an accident that I had during school.”
“I can’t believe it.” I totally did believe it.
“I never told anyone because I was afraid of getting in trouble.The only other ponies in Equestria who know are Caramel, my brother and the other princesses. I never told you because I didn’t want you to think badly of me.”
“Why would I think badly of you? You’re my mom, and you take care of me like it. That’s the nicest thing anypony has ever done for me.”
Twilight raised a brow and smirked. “Even including Rarity’s little gift to you?”
“Eh, that was just her trying to help. You? You devoted part of your life to me. If that isn’t being nice, I don’t know what is.”
She started to tear up a bit. “I love you, Spike.”
“I love you too, mom.” We hugged each other and I went off to bed to get some rest. After such a long day, I was going to need as much sleep as I could get.
“Good night, Spike.”
“Twilight?”
“Yes?”
“In your next letter to the princess, do you think you could tell her that I ‘got lucky?’ You know, just to let her know I’m growing up?”
Twilight was confused, but she didn’t pay it much mind. “I’ll see what I can do about that.”
“So, that’s the story. I didn’t get laid, but I got really, really close,” said Spike, finally finishing up his story.
The rest of the table applauded Spike. He had gotten pretty far for someone his age.
“Nice work there, little guy,” said Noteworthy.
“Really nice work,” added Thunderlane.
Spike blushed. “Thanks. I know it wasn’t much, but, well, you know, Sometimes life is weird.”
“Okay, if I’m right, then we have just one story left,” said Caramel.
All eyes turned to Discord, who was nursing his malt liquor. He looked at the collection of ponies staring at him. “What?” he asked. “Is there something on my face?”
Everypony else stared expectantly at him. He knew what they wanted, and they knew it.
“Well? Is somepony going to explain this to me?”
The table was getting impatient. Discord knew that eventually he was going to have to tell them about the time that he-
“HEY! Don’t give away the surprise!”
Oh, is this the way you’re going to play, Discord? Do you have something to say to me?
“I do, as a matter of fact. You haven’t said a helpful word all night! We’ve just been sitting down here for what feels like months, and you’ve done nothing but embarrass us!”
“Who are you talking to?” asked Soarin.
“Be quiet, Soarin. This is between me and the narrator.”
Look, stop acting so immature and just tell the story.
“And what if i don’t want to tell the story?”
Then I write you out of the story.
Discord sighed. “Fine. You win.”
That’s what I though. Discord finished off his drink and began to tell his tale. A tale of romance, lust, lies, power, defense, and absolute chaos of the highest degree. Truly his tale would top them all. It had to. Nothing else could compare to-
“Look, Motor Mouth, do you want me to tell the damn story or not?”
...Sorry. Go ahead.
“Thank you.” Discord cleared his throat, ignoring the confused looks from his fellow attendees. “My story is going to be a pretty long one. It’s a tale that concerns all of Equestria. I suggest that if you want to hear the good parts, you had better pay attention. Let me start from the beginning.”
Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
Chapter Seven: The God and the Queen
It was another perfectly normal day in Ponyville. The sun was out, the grass was green, the birds were singing, and I was struggling to get out of bed.
I was awake, but not quite ready to get up yet. I just stared at the floor below me, wondering to myself what would be the right time to drop down from my upside-down hammock of a bed. I was just starting to settle back in when suddenly my stomach began to rumble. I figured it was as good a time as any to get up. No matter how hard I try, I can never conjure up anything that tastes better than Fluttershy’s breakfast.
I dropped from the ceiling and went to go prepare for the day. I started by cleaning out my eyes and then proceeded to head for the bathroom so I could take a shower. As soon as I tried to open the door, though-
“Occupied!” shrieked Fluttershy, mane dripping wet and caught without a towel.
I quickly turned around and slammed the door. This was the fifth time this month I had caught her in the bathroom. I really should have learned to knock. Or maybe I was just curious.
Mac glared at Discord. He wasn’t the type to yell at ponies, but he did have somewhat of a short fuse.
“Oh, like she doesn’t walk around naked half of the time anyway.”
Note took the opportunity to chime in. “I think you might want to just move on before Mac gets really angry at you.”
“Fine. I’m sorry. I apologize to your beautiful wife.”
Mac was slightly less upset now, but he kept his eyes on Discord.
Anyway, later we both went downstairs to have breakfast. there was an uncomfortably long silence at the table. Neither one of us was quite ready to talk casually. I was too embarrassed and Fluttershy, well... wasn’t in the mood.
I attempted to break the silence. “I really like the pancakes. What did you put in them?”
Fluttershy just sat and studied her plate. She had barely touched her food.
“...nice weather we’re having?”
Still no answer.
“Look, I’m sorry about what happened earlier. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I understand if you’re upset about-”
“I’m not upset about that,” she answered in her normal, quiet voice.
“Then why are you upset? Is it because it’s happened twenty five times already?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Discord… I think we need to talk.”
“About what?”
“About... you. Staying here.”
I sighed. “I figured this would happen eventually.” I conjured up a suitcase and a Haywaiian shirt, suspecting I would need to relocate soon. “So, when do you plan on kicking me out? A week? Tomorrow?”
“I’m not kicking you out,” she responded. “I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s just that... you know you can’t live here forever, right?”
“I know that. But honestly, where else am I supposed to go? I can’t exactly walk into town and look for a house. No one around here trusts me, not even your friends.”
“I’d be happy to help you out.”
“Because they’d just automatically trust me if you were around?”
“They just need to get used to you, is all. I need to go get some things from the store, so... maybe you could come with me?”
I registered this for a moment. “Fine. But I don’t want anyone thinking-”
“They won’t, don’t worry. The whole town knows that I’m with Mac now.”
Discord turned to Mac again. “May I take this opportunity to say that you are a very lucky and handsome young stallion to have such a kind and beautiful wife who-”
“Drop it,” said Mac, unamused.
Discord backed off, slightly intimidated. “Okay, fine, whatever you say.”
Heads were turning from around every corner as Fluttershy and I walked through town together. I had figured this would happen. Whenever I go outside, I attract attention like a magnet.
“They’re all staring at me,” I said, sprouting a second head, “like I’ve got two heads or something.”
“Don’t mind them, they don’t know you like I do.”
“You’re right,” said my two heads as they were transformed back into one. “Maybe I just need to pull myself together.”
“Just keep an eye out for the market.”
I complied.
“Not literally, though. You’re attracting enough attention as it is.”
“Got it,” I said, putting my eyeball back in.
Before we got to the market, we ran into another unusual sight: a purple unicorn with wings, accompanied by a small purple dragon. “Hi, Twilight.”
“Oh, hey Fluttershy.” She looked up. “Discord.”
“Princess Twilight.” I had tried to be courteous to the towns-ponies, but I had a little grudge against the mare who had turned me into stone, and while I looked completely ridiculous at that.
“No offense, Caramel.”
“None taken,” the pony replied, frankly.
The young dragon was not happy, however. “A-hem.”
“Or to you, Spike,” said Discord.
“Thank you.”
“How are the wings treating you?”
“They’re fine.”
“And yet you are not.”
“I have good reason not to be.”
“Twilight,” whispered Fluttershy, “be nice. He’s trying to get along.”
“You’ll have to pardon me,” she whispered back, “but I don’t like the idea of the god of chaos walking around town like there’s nothing wrong.”
“I can hear you two, you know,” I interrupted. “And here I thought princesses were supposed to be nice and lady-like.”
“You want Twilight acting like a lady? Good luck with that,” interjected the dragon
“Quiet, Spike.”
I turned my attention to the young drake. “So, you must be Spike. What’s a noble dragon like you doing working as the princess’ underling?”
“She’s my mom.”
“Oh. My my, Twilight. I had no idea you were like that.”
Twilight suddenly looked embarrassed. “He means he’s adopted.” She shot the young dragon a look. “Don’t you, Spike?”
“Uh...” before he could answer, Spike coughed up a scroll.
I was a bit surprised by what just happened. “Isn’t that painful?”
“Sometimes.”
“What is it?” asked Fluttershy.
Twilight picked up the scroll and began to read it.
My Dearest Student Twilight,
I am currently dealing with an incredibly complex issue here in Canterlot. I do not wish to cause alarm, but I require the help of the elements of harmony.
Please let all of your best friends know. This does include Spike. Also, make sure that Fluttershy brings Discord along. I have a feeling that he could be very helpful. Transportation for the eight of you has been arranged. I will provide further details when you come to Canterlot.
Sincerely, Princess Celestia
“I wonder what the problem is?” thought Twilight. “We had better tell the others.”
“Wait, the princess wants me to come to Canterlot?” I was confused. I was pretty sure that Celestia still had a grudge against me, even after my reformation.
“I’m sure I don’t know why. But the quicker we get through this, the quicker you get to not have to deal with me.”
“Thank goodness for small miracles.”
“Discord,” whispered Fluttershy, “be nice.” She turned to Twilight and spoke more clearly. “We’ll go get Pinkie and AJ. You go find Dash and Rarity, and we’ll meet up with you and Spike.”
“Sounds like a plan. Come on, Spike. We’ve got work to do.”
“And this changes what, exactly?” asked Spike, rolling his eyes.
“I like this kid,” I said aside to Fluttershy.
Twilight simply walked off, followed by Spike. She was evidently too busy to let me distract her from her royal responsibilities.
“We had better go find AJ and Pinkie, then. Come on, Discord.”
“Why do I have to go?”
“Even if it weren’t a royal decree, I wouldn’t leave you at home. With no one around, you’d just get bored anyway.”
I thought about this for a moment and then sghed. She was right. I hate when that happens. “Fine, but this had better not take too long.”
“How long did it take?” asked Note.
“The train ride alone took four or five hours. I volunteered to teleport them all to Canterlot, but shock of all shocks, nopony trusted me to do that.”
“To be fair, you weren’t exactly much help when those vines from the Everfree forest started invading,” said Spike.
“Well, maybe the reason I didn’t help is because nopony appreciated my help.”
“Because you didn’t give us any!”
“I guided you in the right direction, didn’t I?”
“But half of the time you just sat around doing nothing!”
Big Mac slammed his hooves on the table. “We can discuss this later. Right now, though, I want to hear this story.”
“Thank you, Mac. Where was I?”
Our train pulled into the station at Canterlot. The door opened, letting out the passengers, which included six spirits of harmony, one young dragon and one very bored god of chaos. “Stupid conductor, not letting me go up on the roof.”
“Sorry to disappoint you,” said Twilight, “but being a member of society means you have to follow certain rules.”
“Well, then being a member of society sucks.”
We made our way to the Royal Castle, gathering a lot of attention as we walked past the downtown shops. When we finally got to the castle, we were greeted by a familiar face: the face of Prince Shining Armor.
“Twilight! I’m glad you could make it. We are really in over our heads right here.”
“We’ve got to stop meeting for official business. Where’s Cadence?”
“She’s inside, with Celestia and Luna.”
Twilight ran inside to greet her old foal-sitter in the customary fashion, quickly followed by Shining and the rest of her friends, plus me of course.
“I’m very glad you could all come,” Celestia announced, after Cadence and Twilight had finished their little ‘ladybugs awake’ number.
“If you don’t mind my asking, princess,” asked Applejack, curious as to what the problem was, “what are we doing here?”
“I have called you all to the castle because I am trying to hold negotiations with another royal. However, despite the best efforts of me, my sister, my niece, and her husband, we have not had much success.”
“Who are we negotiating with, exactly?” asked Rainbow Dash, eager to get on with whatever was needed of her.
“I assume you... remember the royal wedding...”
A dead silence fell across the hall. If you listened closely, you could hear the sound of glass breaking over in the royal kitchen.
“Royal wedding? What happened?” I asked. I was probably the only being in the world who hadn’t heard about the incident at the castle. I had been locked up after my last statue-ing.
“Long story short...” explained Fluttershy, gulping slightly, “ch-changeling invasion.”
The door the the royal hall opened wide, with a dark and gloomy figure standing behind a faint glow of light. The figure walked forward, slowly revealing a pair of long, jet black legs with holes in them, a pair of insectoid wings, and a female face that bore fangs, dragon-like eyes, and a jagged horn, topped by a small crown.
“Queen Chrysalis,” said Celestia, tactfully.
“Princesses. Prince.” The changeling queen looked to her side and discovered the elements of harmony, standing and staring blankly. “I see you’ve brought backup. Typical princess, always calling for help when you could easily take care of the problem yourself. Or are you not as strong as I’ve been led to believe?”
“I’m not as young as I used to be.”
“So you call upon six ponies, a dragon, and...” she paused when she got to me. “Whatever that is supposed to be.”
I had only seen the queen for about thirty seconds total and already I was beginning to suspect that her mouth was making claims that the rest of her couldn’t back up. “I’m a draconequus. But you can call me Discord.”
She seemed impressed. “Ah! Discord, the god of chaos. I’ve heard tales about you and your work. Societies, nearly torn apart. Entire nations, turned completely upside down. How is it that you are now working for the very royal family that you were trying to overthrow?”
“Long story short: these six,” I answered, pointing out the ponies standing near me. “Particularly the yellow one.”
“Sad.”
“You wish.”
Desperately looking for a way out of the awkward situation, Celestia noticed that it was getting late. “How about we get some rest and pick up this conversation tomorrow?”
“We’ll need to assign rooms to the guests, sister,” pointed out Luna.
“They’re smart enough, they can figure out who will go where. Good evening.”
The Canterlot Royals trotted off, leaving their guests to sort out the problem for themselves. I’m guessing the Princess hoped that a sound night’s sleep would clear out everypony’s heads.
Spike was holding a floor plan that Celestia had tossed at him “All right, There are seven rooms, Each room has one bathroom, and only one of them has two beds. There are nine of us, so four of us will have to share a bed. Anypony who has a problem with that, speak up now.”
“I’m... already sharing a bed, ” said Pinkie, pointing to her ballooned belly.
“Say no more.” Spike took out a pen and assigned Pinkie to a single room.
“I’ll be happy to share a bed,” said Rarity. “It’s the least I can do for a fellow guest.”
Spike’s eyes got wide. “I’d be happy to share a room as well.”
“Hold it, Casanova,” said Twilight. “I want to keep an eye on you two.” Spike reluctantly assigned the three of them to the room with two beds, putting himself and Rarity together but also putting Twilight adjacent to the two of them.
“Anypony else?”
“I need privacy when I sleep.” Spike assigned AJ to a single room.
“I snore. I wouldn’t want to wake anypony up.” Spike put Dash in the furthest room away from the royal hall. There were two rooms and two beds left.
“Looks like I’ll be sharing a bed with Fluttershy, then,” I butted in.
“Actually,” said Fluttershy, “I think you should share a room with somepony else.”
“But there’s nopony else to share a room with.”
“What about Chrysalis?”
“Look, not to judge your methods, but that is a terrible idea.”
“You could make friends with her.”
“Unlikely,” interrupted the Changeling Queen.
“Can’t you just give her a chance?”
“Look, Fluttershy, I...” I stopped cold. Fluttershy had put on the cute face. “Oh, don’t pull that...” She continued staring at me with the most pleasant expression she could make. “Fluttershy, please don’t make me...” I couldn’t take it anymore. There was no arguing with the cute face. “Ugh. Fine, me and Cheese-Legs will share a room. Happy?”
“Yes. I’m sure you’ll get along just fine.”
Spike reluctantly put Fluttershy in a single room and me and Chrysalis together in the last remaining guest room. “Okay, everypony has a room. We’ll meet up again in the morning.”
I walked off to my room with Chrysalis. Neither one of us said a word, and neither of us was looking forward to this.
“So Fluttershy set you up with the Queen of the Changelings?” asked Thunderlane.
“Well, not exactly set up. She wanted us to be friends.”
“Even though the odds of that happening were pretty much slim to none,” said Soarin.
“Fluttershy is usually rather optimistic when it comes to other living creatures.”
“How did the first night go?” asked Caramel.
“The first night was rather eventful, to say the least. We mostly stayed out of each other’s way. but then came the time to actually get to bed. That’s when things got out of control.”
“Just so you know,” I said. “I have a habit of hogging the covers.”
She glared at me. “And I have a habit of imprisoning creatures like you in cocoons and sucking the life force out of them,” she retorted.
“Rest assured, ma’am, there is no creature in all of Equestria that is like me.”
“I would prefer if you referred to me as ‘Your Majesty,’ thank you.” I grimaced at her. I can’t stand ponies who try to act ‘royal.’
“You’re my pain in the neck is what you are,” I muttered, adjusting my crooked neck.
“How do you even look at yourself in the mirror? You’re the god of chaos and yet, you’re being bossed around by a little yellow puffball.”
I took offense. I may not be completely reformed, but nopony picks on Fluttershy without hearing from me. “For your information, that little yellow puffball happens to be a good friend of mine. Maybe you should try getting one sometime.”
“Oh, and where am I going to start? You? Don’t make me laugh.”
“I wish I could make you just zip your lip for a moment. Oh wait.” I produced a zipper over the changeling queen’s mouth and zipped it shut. “I can.”
Chrysalis angrily unzipped her lip. “Your parlor tricks won’t do you any good, you miserable freak of nature.”
“At least my tricks aren’t limited to impersonations.” I transformed into Chrysalis. “Oh look at me, I’m queen of the changelings and I’m uptight because I’m trying to reinforce my superiority despite the fact that my race is on its last legs!”
Chrysalis, getting furious, transformed into me. “And I’m Discord! I’m a loudmouth who plays fast and loose with reality because I have nothing better to do than waste ponies’ time and be an overconfident jerk!”
“At least I’ve got a friend!”
“At least I’m not a wuss!”
I transformed back into myself. I could feel my blood starting to simmer. “I’m not a wuss. I’m just accepting the fact that I made a mistake! Maybe you wouldn’t be so hated if you did the same thing!”
Chrysalis changed back as well. “I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t you just go and marry that friend of yours if she means so bloody much to you?”
“A, because she’s already taken. B, because even if she wasn’t, that’s not the point!”
“And what is the point? That you’re the world’s biggest wimp?”
“You know, you’d think a creature that feeds on love would be less of a jerk!”
“You’d think that the god of chaos would be able to do the unexpected: shut up!”
“Maybe you should shut up!”
“Maybe you should make me!”
I was feeling ready to blow. “Fine! You want something unexpected?” I grabbed her and brought her face close to my face. “Here you go!” In a fit of anger, I kissed her. Not just a peck on the cheek, either. A long, drawn-out kiss, full on the lips. After it was over, Chrysalis was speechless. She didn’t know what had happened. I dropped her to the ground, still mad at her. “Do you have anything smart to say now?”
The Changeling Queen paused for a moment. “No, I don’t.” She took me by the shoulders, and despite everything I had said to her, she kissed me in return. Suddenly, I wasn’t angry anymore. Her kiss actually felt… nice. I didn’t know how to respond.
The rest of the table was dumbstruck. “You went from hating each other to making out... in ten seconds?” asked Thunderlane.
“That seems really unlikely…” said Note.
“Sometimes life is surprising,” said Discord. “To be honest, we were both shocked. I never thought that I’d be able to even tolerate her, but despite my rage, she saw something in me, and I saw something in her.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “I thought you hated me.”
“I did,” Chrysalis told me. “But something about you just… feels right.”
“Even after everything I said…” Whatever contempt I had had for her was gone and replaced by relief that she no longer hated me. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was just… upset.”
“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have yelled at you either. After all, we’ve only just met.”
“So, do you think we should start over, or-?”
“Shut up and kiss me again.” She leaned in for another kiss, but I restrained her.
“Wait. Not in here. We should go somewhere more private.”
“Where?”
“Hold on.” I snapped my fingers and before Chrysalis knew it, we were surrounded by trees, and a magnificent variety of flowers. “Welcome to the Canterlot Gardens. The most romantic spot in the city.”
“It feels... nice out here.”
“It’s about to feel a lot nicer.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, we both know where this is going. I figure if it’s going to happen, We might as well make it interesting.” I increased my heart-rate ten fold, and my penis started to get stiff as a board. Not to toot my own horn, but Chrysalis was speechless, probably from the sheer size of my endowments. “Now, which would you prefer: Behind, Below, or both?”
“How can you do both?”
“I’ll show you.” I went up to Chrysalis and opened up her pussy, lubing it with my tongue so that the insertion wouldn’t be too uncomfortable. I then proceeded to do the same to her anus, making sure both times to lick hard and deep.
Chrysalis was enjoying herself, but I could tell she wanted more. “Was that it?”
“No. Now comes the fun part.” Before her eyes, I magically sprouted another penis, except this one was prehensile. “Let me know if it’s too much.”
I put myself and Chrysalis in a different position and performed the double insertion, putting my upper cock into her vagina and reaching my prehensile cock around into her ass. I began thrusting deep and hard into the changeling queen, who was admiring the sensation of my balls tapping against her pelvic area.
“Are you doing alright down there?” I asked.
“Just... keep... going. This... is.. perfect!” We were amazed at each other’s capabilities. Chrysalis was enjoying herself, but felt like she wasn’t doing enough. She got a new idea. “How sensitive are you?”
“I’m pretty resilient. Why?”
“Because I’ve got something I want to try.” She took her hoof and made her way down to my tail. She felt around and found what she was looking for.
“What exactly are you-”
She jammed her hooves inside my asshole. I was taken by surprise and almost let out a high note that would have woken up everyone in the castle. But I kept thrusting and Chrysalis reached deeper and deeper into my digestive tract. I could feel her hole-filled limbs inside me.
I decided to go the extra mile and give Chrysalis something truly amazing. I extended my prehesile penis, making sure to navigate my way carefully through the intestines, stomach, and up her throat. Chrysalis couldn’t believe her eyes when she felt and saw the tip of my cock sticking out of her mouth and now pointed towards her face. She decided to one-up me and use her snake-like tongue to finish jerking me.
I felt myself softening up more and more, until...
*SQUIRT*
Both of my penii ejaculated at the same time, one running inside the mare, the other coating her face and giving her a taste of my personal fluids. I reverted my appearance back to normal and Chrysalis removed her limbs from my ass.
It was an experience like none she had ever had before.
The rest of the table wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or feel shocked. They weren’t sure that it would be possible to top the sex in Caramel’s story, but somehow it had happened.
Note broke the silence. “Wow.”
“I wasn’t sure if I would ever that chance again,” said Discord. “Whenever I have sex, I give it my all and make it interesting. Even if I never saw her again, I wanted something for us to remember.”
“I’d certainly remember that,” said Caramel.
“You’re not the only ones who were shocked.”
“I had no idea that you could do that...” Chrysalis panted.
“Well, I had a bit of practice.”
“With whom?”
“I’d... rather not say.” I said, rubbing my sore ass. “Ouch. I’m going to be walking funny in the morning. “
Chrysalis started to look worried. “Discord... could you please do me a favor?”
“What is it?”
“Whatever you do, do not tell anypony what just happened. If they find out I’ve been sleeping with you, the negotiations will fail miserably. Now matter how much you please me, I cannot let down my race.”
I realized that if word got out, Chrysalis wouldn’t be the only one in trouble. I was supposed to be reformed, and yet here I was conspiring with the enemy, as if the princesses and the other protectors of Equestria didn’t trust me enough already. “Agreed. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
Chrysalis got over her sense of dread and sampled the ejaculate on her coat. “You know, this sticky fluid tastes oddly sugary.”
“Must have been the pancakes I had this morning. I use a lot of syrup.”
“It’s a rather pleasing taste.”
“Thank you, I guess.” I then noticed that a few lights over at the Castle were turning on. “We had better get back soon. They might think something’s wrong.”
“But won’t they see us together?”
I heard a familiar voice. “Discord, are you out here? Everyone’s worried about you...”
“Oh crap, it’s Fluttershy,” I whispered under my breath. I turned to Chrysalis and hid her over in the trees temporarily. “I’ll teleport you back to the room. Get cleaned up, and I’ll meet you back up there in a minute.” She nodded. I snapped my fingers, and Chrysalis teleported off.
“Who were you talking to?” said an all too familiar voice. I whipped around to see my best friend standing behind me.
“I was just, um... admiring the beautiful garden.”
“You could have done that in the morning, you know.”
“Yes, but it’s so blissful- er, peaceful here at night.”
“I thought you were going to spend the night with Chrysalis.”
“Well, I did, but things got a little bit out of hoof...”
“Were you... arguing?”
“What? No! Well... maybe a bit at first, but then we discussed it and we’re all good now. I just came inside- I mean, outside to get some fresh air.”
“Discord...” she gently asked, “were you masturbating?”
I felt drained. “What? I... whatever gave you that idea?”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s perfectly natural for everypony to do it.”
“But... I...” I stopped cold. I had an opportunity for an alibi. I figured I had better take it, lest I cause more problems by confessing so soon. “Alright, you caught me. I was masturbating out here so I wouldn’t bother anypony else. I’m sorry I worried you.”
“It’s no problem. Just warn me next time, alright?”
“Alright. Please don’t tell anypony.”
“My lips are sealed. Come on, we had better get back before everypony starts worrying about me, too.”
“We headed back to the castle, but when I got into my room, Chrysalis wasn’t there. I was starting to panic. She came around two minutes later, dripping wet and acting all shook up. I must have teleported her into the wrong room.”
Spike suddenly realized something. “So that’s why Twilight was acting so antsy when I found her…”
The rest of the table turned its attention to Spike. “What happened?” asked Soarin.
“Well…”
Twilight had walked out of the room for a couple minutes to go check on her brother and her sister-in-law. I thought that Rarity and I could spend some time alone, so we started making pillow talk. Five minutes passed. Just when I felt ready to start snuggling her, I heard something crashing down in the bathroom and went to go check it out. I knocked first, though.
“Hello? Is anypony is there?”I asked. I heard a lot more crashing. “Twilight? Are you in there?” I then heard a weird magic sound. I decided to just open the door and see what was up. What I found was a mare who, at the time, I thought was Twilight, stuck in the bathtub, covered by a displaced shower curtain and coated in a mixture of water and ejaculate.
She screamed. “You should knock before you come in!”
I was confused. “I… did knock.”
“Oh. Sorry, I… didn’t hear you.”
I ignored this lapse in logic to focus on a more serious one. “Why did you sneak out to teleport into the bathroom instead of just coming in?”
“I… um.. wasn’t thinking straight.”
“Look, I don’t mind you masturbating, but can you not destroy the bathroom in the process?”
“Sorry about that…” She stopped for a moment. “Um…”
I couldn’t believe she had forgotten my name. “Spike. Your son, remember?”
She looked really surprised, but quickly came to. “Oh, right! Sorry, son. Like I said, I’m not thinking straight right now. In fact, I think I might be having a mild panic attack.”
“Maybe you should get to bed…”
“No!” she yelled, before calming down again. “Uh, I mean… not right now, I have to go… do what I was doing before…”
“You mean go see your brother and his wife?”
“Yes. Thanks. I’m sorry to bother you. Love you, Spike.” She got up, kissed me on the cheek and ran out of the bathroom, through the bedroom and into the hallway, still dripping with cum.
“Spike?” asked Rarity.
“Yes?” I responded.
“Why was Twilight in the bathroom and covered in…”
“I don’t know. I think she hit her head or something.” We shrugged it off and decided to snuggle a little more. A minute later, during the middle of some pillow talk, Twilight came back.
“I thought you were going to see Cadence and Shining.”
“I… did,” she said, confused.
“Short visit, then.” She got a look on her face that seemed to say ‘eight minutes is short?’
“I guess Discord accidentally transported Chrysalis into our bathroom by accident.”
Discord looked embarrassed. “That’s what I get for winging it, I guess. Whatever happened, Chrysalis and I decided not to talk about it and instead get some sleep. No interaction of any kind, just getting to bed and getting some sleep. The next morning, things weren’t getting any more easy.”
There was a dead silence in the royal dining hall. You could hear the hoofsteps over in the royal kitchen, and everypony was preoccupied with the royal food on the royal table. My thoughts, however, were focused mainly on royal sex in the royal garden. However, I kept my mouth closed in order to avoid being a pain in the royal ass.
I looked over at Chrysalis. She hadn’t spoken to me since last night. No “good morning” or “how are you” or even the one thing I needed to hear from her-
“Are you feeling alright, Discord?” asked the sun princess. I wanted to smack myself. Of all the ponies who could have asked it just HAD to be her.
“Why do you ask, Celestia?”
“Because you’ve been playing with your food for half an hour.”
I looked down at my plate. I had somehow sculpted a functioning castle out of my waffles in a fit of absent-mindedness. “Maybe I just like to be creative. The nerve of you, undermining my creativity like this!”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes.
Twilight tried to speak to her. “So, how was the room last night?”
She remained silent.
“Well, no complaints,” I answered for the queen.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Twilight replied.
“Well, Chryssi wasn’t talking to you either.”
Twilight was about to reply with something witty but realized something. “‘Chryssi’?”
Oh crap. I was blowing my cover. I had to think of something quick. “I’m sorry, I sneezed.” Smooth, Discord. Real smooth.
I continued to get weird looks. And not the usual kind of weird look either. “Is there something you need to tell us?”
“Oh, absolutely not. Nothing is wrong.”
“Except for the part where we have to negotiate terms with this Queen and her army of drones,” said Applejack, not skipping a beat.
“Why aren’t we taking care of that right now, again?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“It’s a bit early in the morning to discuss politics, isn’t it?” replied Celestia.
“This coming from the Princess of the Sun,” I pointed out.
“You’re not helping, Discord.”
“I never discuss politics on an empty stomach!” said Pinkie Pie.
“Good point. We should at least eat before we start debating terms again.”
“If we can even get that far with the Silent Queen of the Changelings.”
Once again, the queen looked at me.
“What is it with you today? You haven’t said a word this whole time. Have you gone mute? Or did you just not want to socialize today?”
“I have had no reason to,” she muttered.
I gasped in fake shock. “It can talk!”
“Don’t test my patience, Dissy.”
The table turned its attention to the Queen.
“Did you call him ’Dissy’?”asked Rarity
Chrysalis blushed. “I… sneezed. My apologies.”
The situation was getting more and more dangerous. I needed to think. So, I took what was on my plate and dumped it down my throat. “Well, I’m done with breakfast. I’ll be in my room if anypony needs me.” I dashed to the doors and into the hall.
Celestia stood up. “Pardon me a moment,” she said, following after me.
“Wait,” said Noteworthy. “I need to ask you something.”
“What?” asked Discord.
“Why were the negotiations not going so well in the first place? Was Chrysalis asking too much? Was Celestia not offering her enough? What was taking so long?”
“There was a disagreement over whether or not to let the Changelings live in Equestria.”
“Let me guess,” said Soarin. “Celestia didn’t want Changelings walking up and down the streets of Canterlot.”
“No.. Chrysalis didn’t want Changelings walking up and down the streets of Canterlot.”
“What?” asked Thunderlane. “But why not?”
“She was afraid that the citizens of Equestria wouldn’t be so kind to the new arrivals, considering how they were previously treated. She wanted her own section of land to keep her citizens safe.”
The entire table responded almost in unison: “Keep THEM safe?”
“Look, I’m not a political science expert. I don’t know or care how this kind of thing works, and neither does the author.”
Watch it, ‘Dissy.’
“Sorry. Where was I?”
I went back to my room to think things over. I knew I had promised Chrysalis I wouldn’t tell, but was I making things worse for both of us by lying? I knew I should have kept my dick to myself. There was a serious political conflict happening, and here I was making it more complicated than it needed to be. My head was an absolute mess. I needed to talk to somepony. Anypony.
“Discord!” called out a familiar voice. “Open up, it’s Celestia!”
Correction: anypony but her. “Discord isn’t available right now. Please leave your name and number at the beep.” It was a rather slim chance that me being a smart aleck would get her to leave, but it was worth a shot.
“Discord.” She was right behind me. My skeleton nearly jumped out of its skin. I forgot that alicorns could teleport.
“Princess! Does privacy mean nothing to you. I can’t believe you barged in on my. And while I was nude!”
“Discord, we need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk. You can’t make me.” I took my mouth off and stashed it away.
“Discord, please just listen to me…”
I removed my ears as well. Celestia finally just grabbed my face and put my features back. She clearly was not in the mood for joking around.
“Discord, you’ve been acting strange lately. First you argue with our Changeling guest, then you go missing, and now you’re acting squirrely. Something must have happened. You can tell me what it was.”
“Look, Princess, I’m not in the mood to play games.”
“Well, you certainly were in the mood last night.”
Oh, no. She was onto me. ”I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Discord, I may be getting old, but I have not forgotten what sex sounds like. I heard you out in the garden. Be honest with me.”
She had caught wise. There was no getting around the issue now, but I had to stand my ground, for her. “I made a promise not to tell. It would humiliate her in front of the entire city if she was to be revealed.”
“Fair enough, but you can’t hide the truth forever. Especially not from me.”
“I intend to hide it for as long as it can remain hidden.”
Celestia sighed and turned away. “I was afraid of that.” She walked to the door, but stopped halfway. “Out of morbid curiosity, did you perform the double penetration trick on her?”
“...Maybe.”
“I guess you really can’t teach an old draconequus new tricks.”
Spike was confused. “How did she-?”
“We used to date,” replied Discord. “But we broke up about a thousand and two years ago. Right before I took over the world for a brief period of time, before Sunbutt and her sister Moonbutt had me turned to stone.”
Thunderlane raised his almost empty glass to Discord. “I hear you. Dealing with exes is the worst.”
Mac nodded in agreement. “Eeyup.”
Discord continued. “Anyways, after an hour or so, we got together in the royal throne room and discussed terms of peace between the Changelings and the rest of Equestria. Celestia wanted to help integrate the changelings into society, but Chrysalis refused to risk the safety of her subjects. This debate went back and forth multiple times. It was worse than the Pre-Equestrian Shouting Congress.”
“Suppose we do go along with your integration plan. How can you guarantee me that your citizens will not mistreat or attack my subjects?”
“Queen Chrysalis, I understand your concern for safety, but all of Equestria’s land has been settled on. We cannot force ponies out of their homes to build a new kingdom.”
“But I cannot trust your citizens. They fear me. They wish me gone. And they will attack my subjects if they are subjected to this integration plan.”
“My subjects would never harm your subjects without good reason.”
“Liar. Your subjects will shun mine and view them as inferior. We need our own land.”
“Clearly, we are at an impasse,” said Celestia.
“You think?” responded practically everyone in the hall.
“Perhaps you would be more comfortable talking to someone else.”
“Oh, please,” said Chrysalis. “Who could possibly change my mind about this?”
The princess looked at me. I must have had a nervous look on my face because she was grinning. “Discord, please talk to our guest, the queen.”
“WHAT?” yelled everyone.
“You’re letting Discord talk to her? “ asked Rainbow Dash.
“That’s like getting a grumpy dog to talk to an angry cat.” said Applejack, in her infinite southern wisdom.
“I don’t think Discord is quite the negotiating type,” said Rarity.
I figuratively held my tongue. I wanted to respond, but I knew doing so would only convince the princess further.
“Sister,” whispered Luna, “with all due respect, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Trust me, Luna,” she said, smiling. “I know what I’m doing.”
All eyes were on me. I had to step forward and settle the debate.
“Queen Chrysalis,” I began. “I understand that you are very concerned about… your subjects. To be honest, I think a lot of us are worried about the plan of integration. We don’t know how both sides will react at first. I’ll be honest, it could be bad at first. Sometimes ponies just don’t get along.”
“You’re not helping, Discord,” muttered Twilight, nervously.
“But you shouldn’t rule the plan out entirely. It might be rough at first, but I’m sure that… if the two sides get to know each other a bit better… they could get along quite nicely. Maybe even better than they thought they could.”
Everyone looked at me and Chrysalis. She was biting her lip, thinking of something to say next. “You don’t know that,” she responded. “If this integration plan follows through, we could be back at war within a week. We have no proof that Equestria would not harm the changelings.”
All eyes turned back to me. I was as nervous as I could get. ”I… well…”
Fluttershy, along with everypony else there, was hinging on my every word. “Please, Discord, reason with her,” she said.
Something in my brain just couldn’t function. For the first time in my whole life, I was at a complete loss for words. I wanted to let out the secret. But what if she got mad at me? What if everypony else found out I had been lying? What could I do? “Look, Chrysalis, these ponies aren’t as bad as you think. They mean no harm to you.”
“That didn’t stop them from fighting us during the Canterlot attack.”
“They were simply trying to defend themselves. You attacked them, they were scared and didn’t know what to do.”
“And how can I be sure that that sentiment will not remain if I do not get my new kingdom?”
I couldn’t take any more. I had fought with Chrysalis enough the night before. “Please, don’t make me argue with you.”
“Is that not the point of a negotiation?”
“No! The point of a negotiation is to find a common ground and set aside differences so two different sides can actually work together instead of just arguing!”
“But I cannot trust these ponies!”
“Well, maybe you can just trust me!”
She stopped cold and looked at me. “What do you mean?”
“Last night,” I told her, “when I first met you, I couldn’t stand you. We did almost nothing but bicker and argue. And that was my fault. I let my own arrogance get in the way. But I can’t help that. Sometimes, I judge others unfairly before I get to know them. But last night, we did something incredible. We stopped arguing. We decided to listen to each other and we shared something amazing.. If we, two of the most arrogant creatures on the planet, can learn to stop, listen and understand, then who’s to say no one else can?”
Chrysalis looked at me, straight into my eyes. She was speechless. Any trace of anger she had was suddenly gone. Then, to everyone’s surprise, she started to cry a little. After that, she jumped up and hugged me. I hugged her back.
The rest of the hall was completely shocked. Well, all except for one pony. “I knew it,” said Celestia. “Honestly, I’m surprised that none of you even considered it.”
Twilight was stunned. “You knew about this and you didn’t tell us?”
“I’ve had experience with this kind of thing for a long time. I can tell when two lovers are embarrassed.”
Chrysalis looked at me again, still embracing me.. “Do you really think the ponies will get along with my changelings?”
“If there’s anything that I’ve learned in the past few months, it’s that anything is possible.” We shared a kiss, and the rest of the hall watched. I heard a faint clapping sound, which eventually turned into to clapping sounds, then three and so on until it reached full applause.
After we were done kissing I went up to Fluttershy and immediately began to apologize.
“I know. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to alarm anyone-”
“It’s okay.”
“...It is?”
“It would be a bit hypocritical of me to lecture you on that kind of thing…”
“Oh. Right. I forgot about that.”
Twilight decided to chime in. “I must admit, despite your recklessness and lying, you did manage to settle an issue that could have gone on for months. Congratulations.”
“That’s probably the nicest thing that you have ever said to me.”
“I’m not sure I trust you completely, but you’re getting closer.”
I smiled. I had done many things that day which I could be proud of, but convincing Twilight, of all ponies, to trust me was my proudest feat. There was just one thing left to settle. “Hey Chrysalis!”
“Yes, Discord?”
“When you find a nice place to live, can I stay with you?”
“I see no reason why not.”
“Woohoo!”
“And that’s my story.”
The table congratulated Discord on a story well done and a night wrapped up. Everyone had finished their drinks, and the bartender came out of the back room.
“Are you guys still down here? We’re about to close up.”
“Really? How long have we been down here?” asked Soarin.
“More than long enough,” said a voice from upstairs. The seven males turned around. It turns out, the voice belonged to Rainbow Dash, who was accompanied by Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, and Chrysalis.
“Woah!” said Noteworthy, looking at Chrysalis. “How did I not notice her around before?”
Applejack was not amused. “Ahem.”
“Oh. Uh… Hi girls!” said Note, awkwardly.
“Have you boys been talking amongst yourselves?” asked Rarity.
“We were just… telling stories,” said Big Mac.
“Uh huh. I think I know what those stories were about,” said Twilight.
“What? You’ve never traded stories like that? asked Discord.
“Actually,” said Chrysalis, blushing, “we just did.”
“Yeah. Like when I first met Note, he got all hot and bothered by me,” said Applejack. “And I wanted to tell him he was cute but I was a bit too nervous.”
“AJ…” said Note, blushing.
“Oh, please, like nopony here knows how we met.”
“I thought the story was great!” said Pinkie Pie, chiming in. “I especially liked the parts where I was talking to you because I remember them and so they mean a lot to me and-” Pinkie suddenly got a cramp in her massive belly and stopped bouncing around so much. “Oof. Right. I’ve gotta be careful.”
“How is the little guy treating you?” asked Thunderlane.
“He’s been doing really well. I’m looking forward to finally meeting him.”
“When are you due?” asked Big Mac.
“Not for another four months at least.”
“Well,” said Spike, “since you have time to think about it, maybe you could invite us all over for your shower.”
Pinkie gasped with excitement. “That’s a great idea! We can hold it here! Note can play music, everyone can talk and have a good time and play party games and-”
“Whoa, slow down Pinkie,” said Thunderlane, interrupting. “If you talk too much you’ll get sick again.”
“Oh yeah. I guess we’ll figure it out when the time comes.”
The bartender looked at the lot of them. “Speaking of the time, I’ve got to close up shop here, if you don’t mind.”
“My apologies,” said Twilight. “We won’t keep you.”
The fourteen of them all went back upstairs, continuing to chat among themselves.
The bartender picked up their glasses and brought them over to the sink so he could clean them.
“One good thing about this job,” he thought to himself, “the stories never cease to amaze me. I wonder if should start writing some of these down… Nah, that would be stupid.”
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Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub
Epilogue: Plot Thread Wrap Up, Plot Thread Wrap Up!
The end of September. A whole bunch of crazy stuff had happened in the intermediate time between the Summer Sun Celebration and now. Stuff that nopony would have thought possible before.
First off, Noteworthy and AJ decided to break the news to Granny Smith that they were getting engaged. She was shocked at first, but she eventually calmed down about it.
“I should have seen this coming,” she said. “First my grandson, now my older granddaughter… before I know it, Applebloom will be attachin’ herself to somepony she likes.
“I don’t think that will be for a while,” said AJ, smiling.
“AJ, I just want you to know something,” said Noteworthy. “You are the most beautiful and nice pony I have ever met. No matter what happens, I will always love you. Got it?”
AJ smiled back at him. “Got it. I love you too.” The kids hugged.
Granny Smith sighed. “Kids,” she said, to herself. “You can try to keep them in line but they always jump out.”
Second, Rainbow Dash and Soarin had gotten a little surprise from the doctor when they realized Dash had been late for a considerable amount of time.
“What’s the problem, doc?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Am I gonna be okay?”
“You’re perfectly healthy, Miss Dash.,” said the doctor. “This kind of thing is normal for mares in your position.”
“What do you mean in her position?” asked Soarin.
“Congratulations, Miss Dash. You’re pregnant.”
“WHAT?” the two responded.
“I thought you were using protection!” yelled Dash.
“I don’t know, it must have broken!” said Soarin.
“I can’t fly with a kid! How am I supposed to be a wonderbolt if I can’t fly?”
“Dash, please., calm down. We can just take a little break from flying. When this is over, we can get right back to it.”
“Wait, ‘we’?”
“What, you think I’m going to leave you alone when this is our kid we’re talking about? Flying may be important to me, but you’re more important.”
Dash sighed and smiled at Soarin. “Well, I guess we’re sticking together for the kid.”
“Actually,” said the doctor, “it’s kids.”
She looked at him. “What?”
“Kids. Plural. You’re carrying twins.”
Dash was surprised. She turned back to Soarin. “Wow. You were really efficient.”
“Thanks, I think?” Soarin responded.
Third, the changelings had finally started to integrate into Equestrian society, and Chrysalis and Discord looked out for them as well as they possibly could.
The couple sat on a hillside, looking down at the valley below.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” said Chrysalis.
“It is,” said Discord. “I’m glad we decided to come out here and just take in the sights.”
The two looked at each other with longing eyes.
“You wanna have sex?” asked Discord.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Later on, after they were done, they returned home to their temporary caretaker.
“Fluttershy! Mac! We’re home!” said Discord.
“About time,” said Mac, sitting and reading the paper. “Where have you two been, and what have you been up to?”
“Nothing you wouldn’t have done,” snarked Chrysalis.
“You two will find a place to live soon, right?” asked Fluttershy.
“Well, we’re in talks with Celestia and Luna to let us stay with them now that Cadence and Shining have gone back to the Crystal Empire.”
“Have they been going well?”
“Let’s just say it might take a bit of persuasion,” remarked Discord.
Spike, meanwhile, continued to grow up and change, much to Rarity’s pleasure.
“My, you’ve grown a lot,” said Rarity, admiring Spike’s growing figure. “It’s simply amazing how time has gone by.”
“Thanks,” said Spike, in a somewhat deeper than normal voice. “You know, the offer is still on the table if you really want.”
Rarity considered it, but then stopped herself. “Thank you, but I’ll have to think about it a bit more.”
“Wow, Rarity, how long are you going to make me wait?”
“Good things come to those who wait, Spikey Wikey.”
Spike smiled. “I hope they come soon.”
Twilight and Caramel finally got married two months into summer. The ceremony wasn’t incredibly large, but the family and friends of both newlyweds came to support them, along with the princesses of day and night.
The reception went over quite well, and Noteworthy got nearly everyone to get up on stage and sing along with him. The spectacle was more than Twilight and Caramel could have ever asked for.
However, all of that was close to nothing compared with their honeymoon.
“Twilight, I’m not sure it will fit…”
“It will fit, trust me.”
“But it’s way too big.”
“I can handle it.” The princess and her husband tried desperately to fit it in, to no avail.
“I told you the suitcase wouldn’t fit in the carriage.
“Okay, fine, we’ll strap it to the roof then.”
“I still don’t see why you insisted on bringing your collection of magic sex toys.”
“You’ll find out soon enough…”
Finally, we have Thunderlane and Pinkie. True to her word, Pinkie invited all of her best friends over, including Discord and Chrysalis, to have a party unlike any other.
After being showered with gifts, Pinkie and her ballooned belly sat down next to Thunderlane while everyone else smiled, talked, played games and saw an amazing performance by Notworthy, courtesy of a collaborative effort between him, Vinyl Scratch, Pinkie Pie, and Pinkie’s wandering friend Cheese Sandwich, who had stopped by because he had sensed a really special occasion about to take place.
“Well, Pinkie, I think it’s safe to say you really outdid yourself with this party.”
“I figure just because I’m the reason everyone’s celebrating doesn’t mean everyone else should be left out of the fun. This is probably the best party I’ve ever had. I’m happy Cheese Sandwich showed up. He really knows how to party.”
“Yeah, your friend certainly is…” Thunderlane sighed. “Special.”
“Yes, he is. But you know what? You’re more special to me.”
The two smiled at each other. They leaned in for a kiss but suddenly Pinkie Pie felt a sharp pain in her belly.
“Oh no. I think something’s happening.”
Thunderlane looked down at Pinkie’s legs. Her seat was wet. This was bad. “It’s coming!” he yelled. “It’s coming out!”
Suddenly, everyone stopped and gathered around Pinkie, praying that she would be alright. Thunderlane took her hoof as she started to hyperventilate.
“Breathe, Pinkie. Just breathe,” he said.
“Somepony call a Doctor!” said Spike.
A brown earth pony, who was walking past the shop, stopped in, looking confused. “Somepony in here call for a Doctor?”
“Yes,” said Noteworthy. “Are you a Doctor?”
“Well, kind of…”
“Have you dealt with live birth before?”
The stallion thought. “More times than I’d like to admit…”
“Great. Can you help us out? Pinkie here is about to blow.”
The Doctor, having little else to do, decided to help out. He was followed in by a gray pegasus with wall-eyes. “Doctor?” she asked. “What’s going on?”
“Who is she?” asked Soarin. “I swear I’ve seen her before, but-”
“She’s crowning!” yelled the Doctor. Everyone suddenly turned back to Pinkie, who was starting to scream. She could feel the head coming out. “Okay, dear. Just calm down. Calm down. Take deep breaths…”
Pinkie, even though she was in pain, complied as best as she could.
“Alright, now, push!” Pinkie struggled, but the baby started coming out much more quickly. The others crowded around, making sure to keep Pinkie steadily on the table.
Eventually, with one last push…
Pop!
The child was out, and started crying. Pinkie was exhausted. But she also knew she was now a mother. “Congratulations, it’s a girl!”
After a lengthy clean-up, Pinkie held her newborn in her arms. “Thank you, Doctor… I didn’t get your name.”
“Turner,” replied the Doctor. “Time Turner. And this is my companion Derpy.”
“Wait, I remember you,” said Rainbow Dash. “You completely wrecked town hall once.”
“It wasn’t my fault,” Derpy replied. “I was just trying to help the Doctor-”
“Derpy, I thought we agreed not to speak of that again,” interrupted Turner.
“Sorry.”
“Well, congratulations, Miss Pinkie. We’d love to stay and chat, but, you know, places to go, things to do, you know how it is. In fact, I think I hear a space lizard calling me. Come along, Derpy.”
“Coming!” The two went out the door, leaving the others alone for a bit.
“That is one strange pony,” remarked Noteworthy.
“I don’t think he’s even a pony, said Discord.
“Well, whatever he is, it’s not important. What is important is: Congratulations, Pinkie!”
“Thanks,” she said, crying a bit.
“So, what are you going to name her?” asked Caramel.
Pinkie looked down at her child. The young baby was a pegasus, who had a dark gray mane and her mother’s pink coat. “Lollipop,” she said.
“Lollipop?” asked Twilight.
Rarity shrugged. “I can think of worse names.”
Thunderlane looked at Pinkie, and his new daughter. “I like that name.”
The couple shared a smile and then kissed. Everyone around them felt really happy.
The party continued, as planned, until it started to get late. Pinkie wished everyone good night and good luck, and she and thunderlane went upstairs to get Lollipop to bed.
That night, Pinkie sang a little lullaby to Lollipop, with Thunderlane close by.
“Goodnight, my angel, goodnight my love. Sleep peacefully when the stars shine above. Don’t be sad or afraid, I’ll be by your side. Goodnight, my little girl…”
