Chapters Case #0001, Part 1 - Daisybloom Case #0001, Part 2 - Daisybloom Case #0023, Part 1 - Bluefeather Case #0044, Part 1 - Sweet Tart (A.k.A Sugar Lemon) Case #0044, Part 2 - Sweet Tart (A.k.A Sugar Lemon) Case #0047, Part 1 - Swizzle Stick Case #0047, Part 2 - Swizzle Stick Case#[Classified] Part 1 - Rarity Case#[Classified] Part 2 - Rarity Case #[Classified], Part 1 - Fluttershy Case #[Classified], Part 2 - Fluttershy EIS Classified Files - Epilogue Case #0023, Part 2 - Bluefeather Case #0001, Part 1 - Daisybloom
Author's Note
Warning: The following Fiction contains dramatic and sexual themes which some viewers may find disturbing. I intend to treat this subject matter with as much respect as I can, but the Dark tag is there for a reason, folks. Reader discretion is advised.
Additional Note - All Case Files will be separated into two parts, due to their combined length so as to make reading easier. Each case file will GENERALLY be posted together. Some exceptions will be made for the purposes of drama.
Case #0001, Part 1 - Daisybloom
The following is a partial transcription of the first day of the Inquiry for your files, Twilight. I’ve also included Daisybloom’s testimony in its full, unedited form. I know this has been a difficult few weeks for you, but I assure you that we are doing everything we can for Fluttershy and Rarity. With the new information we have, I expect those responsible for this will be severely punished. If you require anything, Princess Cadence will be remaining in Canterlot for the next several months to assist me in the… cleanup. And please, I beg of you, do not hesitate to write if you need to speak to somepony. My heart is with you. -Celestia
2:30pm, Monday, 23rd day of Summer’s Height, Canterlot High Courthouse.
Special Inquiry Case Session Transcript #1 Case: The Crown V. New Life Placement Agency Charges: Forty-six counts of illegal use of magic, illicit trafficking in alchemical materials, illegal forced servitude, illegal pony trafficking and illegal use of mind-altering chemicals, two counts of magical assault on agents of the Crown. Defendants: Quill Tip (Pegasi), Fizzy Pop (Unicorn), ‘Squeaky Bounce’ aka Golden Apple (Earth pony) and Lady Elegant (Unicorn) Defense: Disaster Chaser, Atny at Law. Prosecution: White Cravat, Dark Coffee, Black Quills (Not Present) Official Court Reporter: Double Scoop, The Equestria Times The Honorable Judge Hard Rock, Presiding
Double Scoop Notes: Quill Tip is a mint-green coated pegasi mare with black feather tips, and is wearing a severe suit. Fizzy Drink is a splotchy pink and red unicorn stallion, with a matte finish to his hooves. Lady Elegant is a white coated unicorn, wearing a very fashionable red dress. Golden Apple is an earth pony, with a shiny, rubber-like coat colored pure black and a similarly textured mane in bubblegum pink and no visible cutie-mark or obvious gender. All four of them seem varying degrees of nervous, though Lady Elegant looks to be the calmest. Oddly enough, Golden Apple’s nervousness seems mostly reserved for the Judge, who she eyes warily.
Bailiff - All Rise for the Honorable Judge Hard Rock, presiding.
DS Profile: The Courtroom rises for the judge. Judge Rock is a well respected member of the Legal profession in Equestria, but hasn’t been assigned to a high-profile case like this before. He usually runs the district courts in Manehatten, but was assigned to this case by the Princess herself. He’s a tall, grey-coated earth pony with a big white beard and a scruffy remnant of mane along the back of his balding head. Noted for being very even hoofed in his judgements, but not tolerating much nonsense in his court.
Judge Rock - Everypony be seated, thank you. This court is now in session.
Judge Rock - Before we begin, this court would like to call attention to our special observers today. We welcome Princesses Celestia, Twilight Sparkle and Mi Amore Cadenza to our humble courtroom.
DSCN: Much muttering from the crowd as the three Princesses enter the balcony observation area. The direct intervention of the Princesses in this case is what’s been driving public attention to it far beyond the scandalous aspects. The Princess prefers to keep herself above the machinations of the law, but every so often some moron sticks their neck out a shade too far… Surprised to see Princess Twilight here. With the ponies involved, I would’ve thought she’d try to keep her head above the fray.
Princess Celestia - Thank you, Judge Rock. You may proceed.
Judge Rock - Thank you, Princess. For the record, this is not the official trial in the case of The Crown V. New Life Placement Agency. This is a special inquiry session requested by the Crown in order to more fully ascertain certain facts about the case without prejudicing the Jury either for or against the defendants.
Atny Chaser - Your honor, I think my clients have a right to know what the point of this so-called ‘special inquiry’ actually is.
Judge Rock - So they do, Mr. Chaser. Several key witnesses and victims in this case have made a request of the crown to more fully explain the circumstances of your client’s alleged crimes. After much deliberation, the Crown has decided it is better to make absolutely certain that the appropriate charges have been filed in order to protect the rights of the defendants.
Atny Chaser - So this is some kind of fact-finding mission by the crown, disguised as some kind of vague platitude about protecting my client’s rights? What an incredibly obvious ploy by the Princess to-
Judge Rock - Mr. Chaser, you will not call the Princess’ credibility into question in my courtroom, or I shall hold you in contempt. Are we understood?
Atny Chaser - Yes, your Honor.
Judge Rock - Good. As to your implications, perhaps you have not noticed that the Prosecutorial team is not present for this Inquiry.
Atny Chaser - I will admit I had wondered about that, your Honor.
Judge Rock - As you ought to well know Mister Chaser, the High Prosecutor’s office was not the one to bring charges in this case. As such, since the subject of our Inquiry today is as to the relevance and number of the charges, all information gathered here today is intended only to inform the Crown as to which ones are most appropriate to levy in this case.
Double Scoop: Attorney Chaser nods to this, and raises his hoof for the judge to go on.
Judge Rock - Assuming there are no further objections, we would like to begin with the facts of this case. This court calls Prince Captain Shining Armor to the stand.
{Much muttering from the ponies present in the crowd as the Prince emerges from a side door and mounts the Witness stand. He is wearing his Crystal Empire guard armor, but no helmet.}
Judge Rock - Thank you for taking the time to join us today, Prince Armor. Would you please, for the record, repeat the essential facts of this case?
Prince Armor - Yes, your Honor. Ten months ago, I led a special raid on a crystal pony noble’s house who had been suspected of growing and selling ancient alchemical ingredients illegally to unknown ponies in Equestria. We suspected that this pony had been a producer of such things for King Sombra during his reign, and once freed had continued her side business in the area of illegal experimental alchemy and technology. That was, uh…
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza - That would have been The Crown V. Aurora case, your honor.
Prince Armor - Thanks, Cadey. We waited for an opportunity and descended upon her residence. There, we found a vast underground cave which she had been using as a greenhouse for her plants. All of our expert alchemists could not identify most of them, but the one that was instantly identifiable were Discordite Flowers.
Judge Rock - I’ve never heard of such things, myself.
Fizzy Pop - Ahem. If I may your honor? Discordite Flowers are an extremely rare variant of the Poison Joke plant, typically only found in places of strong magical resonance or during numerically significant days of the year. They are an incredibly potent alchemical substance which can best be described as Poison Joke’s bigger, nastier and more permanent older brother. Due to their rarity they have usually been exclusively used for high-level curatives intended for those stricken by genetic defects and it is very illegal for non crown-sanctioned alchemists to harvest and purchase them.
Judge Rock - Thank you, Mister Pop. Is this accurate, Prince Armor?
Prince Armor - Yes, your Honor. Our Royal Alchemists have been collectively losing their minds over the find, and carefully harvesting the leaves of the plant while trying to figure out how she kept them growing down there. The reason the finding of this plant was significant was that there was evidence that vast quantities of the stuff had been harvested, held and sold somewhere in Equestria.
Atny Chaser - And why is that significant, Prince Armor?
Prince Armor - My alchemists informed me that Discordite flowers could be used to permanently alter the physical characteristics of a pony without their consent, and in the wrong hooves might be used as a poison or alchemical warfare agent. Given how much we estimated had been sold, we believed acting quickly and decisively was the key.
After a thorough investigation, we determined that the vast bulk of this substance had been sold to a distributor somewhere in Canterlot. Unfortunately, by the time we arrived at his warehouse, the pony himself had long since gone missing. Over the course of the next year, we chased what few leads we had all over Equestria until we finally hit a breakthrough. A witness who had been turned into… Into…
DS Notes- At this moment, Prince Armor looks at Golden Apple. I’ve been working the press for a long time, but I’ve never seen a pony quite like this one. The way Prince Armor swallows nervously is an understandable one. It’s almost vaguely terrifying to have her present, given the condition she’s in, but I suppose she needs to be. I wonder what dark road led her here...
Some kind of strange, shiny-coated pony came to Canterlot Castle begging for help. She told us about this mysterious ‘Placement Agency’ where she had gone for unspecified reasons, and been transformed into her new body. The Princess immediately took her in and soon joined our investigation as to what had gone on.
We followed our witness’ instruction to the New Life Placement Agency, and commenced an official Guard raid upon the property. Within, we found extensive alchemical equipment and production facilites and approximately a third of the remaining Discordite Flower petals dried and carefully stored for later use. We proceeded to investigate the remainder of the building and-
Atny Chaser - And this is the part where I say the ‘facts’ of the case come to an end, and the ‘alleged’ crimes of my clients begin, your Honor. Everything that comes after this remains speculation and hearsay in the eyes of the law, and I will not have it trotted out before an audience before I have my day in court. Whatever point you’re driving at, your Honor, please get to it.
Judge Rock - While I am not fond of your tone, Mr. Chaser, I must agree with the spirit of your statement. Thank you for your time, Prince Armor. This Court would like to ask you to remain in case we require a specific point of the case clarified.
Prince Armor - Of course, your Honor.
Judge Rock - This court now calls Miss Daisybloom to the stand.
Double Scoop Profile - Miss Daisybloom enters the court. She is an earth pony with a shiny ‘coat’ of some unknown material colored pastel yellow that goes all the way up to her neck. She also has no visible cutie mark, similar to Golden Apple. Unlike Golden Apple, though, she is very clearly not happy to be here. The way she moves, and looks around resembles a deeply frightened individual.
Judge Rock - Miss Daisybloom, according to court records you were the pony who first reported the activities of the New Life Placement Center to Equestrian authorities. Is this correct?
Daisybloom - Y-yes, your honor.
Judge Rock - According to further records, you have asked to recant certain parts of your initial testimony?
Daisybloom - It’s m-more accurate to say that I wish t-to… Clarify some things, your Honor. My mind was…
Scoop Note - Daisybloom shivers in the stand, clutching at herself as though cold. A bailiff offers his jacket, but is refused with a smile from the witness. She seems to draw some strength from the show of kindness.
Daisybloom - Thank you, I’m alright. My mind was in a very bad place when I first came to Canterlot Castle seeking help. I want to make sure that all the circumstances of my involvement with the Agency are understood.
Judge Rock - Very well. Mr. Chaser, do you have any objections?
Atny Chaser - None at this time, your Honor.
Judge Rock - Miss Daisybloom, you may proceed.
Daisybloom - Thank you, your Honor. The most important thing to understand is that my involvement with the Agency goes back a fair distance. In fact, as I understand it, I was actually their very first… customer, so to speak, rather than somepony they offered services to for free. My time with the company lasted for nearly three years, broken up into twenty or so contracts.
Judge Rock - Contracts? Would you please specify for the court what sort of contracts?
Atny Chaser - Objection! Your honor, these are facts pertaining to the case-
Judge Rock - Overruled. I have already made it clear the intent of this Inquiry, Mr. Chaser, and for that we must have the facts of every aspect of this case. Answer the question, Miss Daisybloom.
Daisybloom - They were, ah… Social contracts, I guess? They were kind of worded like work contracts, but it was fairly well described that we weren’t required to do anything. At least, that’s what I was told it said.
Judge Rock - That seems awfully vague, Miss Daisybloom.
Daisybloom - Well, at the time I wasn’t terribly concerned with the content of the contract. And given how events… altered my perceptions so badly, I suppose I never gave much thought as to what I was signing, only that what I was signing for was good.
Judge Rock - Do you have these contracts, still?
Daisybloom - No, your Honor. All of them were held by the Agency for their record-keeping purposes.
Judge Rock - I see. {A few moments of shuffling papers} Prince Armor, would you be so kind as to bring some of these contracts into court from the evidence so that this court might have a more clear understanding of their nature?
Prince Armor - Of course, your Honor. I’ll send word to our investigators, though it might be a few days to have them bagged and tagged for you.
Judge Rock - Thank you. In the meantime, Miss Daisybloom, this court would like you to testify as to the events which led you to your first exposure to the Agency and, more specifically, what events followed your initial exposure to the illicit alchemical substances they allegedly used on you.
Daisybloom - Yes, your Honor. That is part of what I’m here to discuss. As to how things started, well… It all started three years ago, around the start of spring.
I couldn’t believe my luck when I found the flyer that morning at breakfast. There was a hoof full of them scattered all over the central square near the food carts, and most of them had ended up in the trash. Normally, I would’ve put them there myself, but after breaking up with Sweet Strings the day before I was done trying to date in the ‘traditional’ manner. Sweet Strings had been like all of the rest, he didn’t want a real, deeply emotional relationship like I did. I wanted somepony who I could love with all of my heart, and would care for me like his precious treasure. I wanted a mate , somepony I would gladly bear the children of.
The flyer seemed innocuous enough, of course. Just another brightly colored advert describing a new business that specialized in helping ponies find new direction in their lives. Hence, the ‘New Life Placement Agency’. They claimed they handled everything from targeted relationship assistance to job placement without even a hint of the usual skeeviness of such things.
Even better, the flyer offered a discount to first-time customers and I was ready to try something else. Anything else. I’ve never had fantastic luck with the colts, you see. I seemed to have this knack for attracting stallions who are really only interested in somepony to get their rocks off with instead of somepony who wanted to spend their lives with me. I’d tried just about everything and everywhere you can think of: Clubs, artistic events, social groups, bars, you name it. Heck, I even joined the Canterlot Amateur Choir at one point, which is what ultimately led to Sweet Strings and…
It can be hard sometimes to realize that I walked into this with my eyes wide open, you see. But there was absolutely nothing to warn me about what was going to happen. The Agency itself had taken up shop in the crafting district, which was odd but I didn’t pay it much mind. The rent in that district is the lowest of all of Canterlot, so perhaps they were just trying to scrimp bits. When I went in, that was the first time I met Quill Tip.
She seemed so nice, so understanding. She walked me through their ‘process’ and how I could back out at any time. I was warned that they made no guarantees as to satisfaction, and that they promised only to provide good opportunities. It was my job to make the most of them. To be honest, it was kind of a relief that they were so up front about things. I think if they’d gone on and on about guarantees, I would’ve walked out of the place.
The next thing I knew, she was setting up an ‘appointment’ with their chief counselor, Lady Elegant.
Judge Rock - Could you clarify what she means by Chief Counselor, defendant?
Lady Elegant - The ‘counselor’ part is easy, as it was my job in the agency to provide advice as to what services our customers might wish to draw upon. I would interview them for a period of hours, asking questions as to what desires they wished to have fulfilled and then provide them with a list of opportunities we had available. As to the ‘chief’ part, I can only say that I had lofty ambitions for my business.
Judge Rock - Thank you, defendant. Please continue, Miss Daisybloom.
Daisybloom - It took about a week to get the appointment, and I won’t deny that the delay actually made me a bit more confident about things. It was obvious that they were busy already, despite being such a young business. I had been asked to prepare myself to best convey what I wanted, and so I made lists. Lots of lists. Then I destroyed most of them, since, well… most of them were useless.
By the day of the appointment, I was quite nervous. I wanted to make sure everything was going to go over well, and I’d drawn some bits out of my savings account to make certain I would have enough to pay for the services right away. Quill Tip was nothing but smiles and reassurance as she sent me upstairs to Lady Elegant’s office. The room itself, if you’ve never seen it, was lavishly appointed. The furniture was all high quality, hoofcrafted woodwork with plenty of age to it. There were soothing pieces of art on the wall, and somewhere there was music playing even though I couldn’t see a gramophone or stereo system. The music was also sort of faint, and it sounded a bit off, but…
{The witness winces at this time, a hoof coming up to her head and rubbing at her temple. For a few moments, she appears to mutter something before shaking it off.}
Sorry. I get these headaches and… and… impulses whenever I think about that music. Anyway, I had my appointment with her. She asked me all sorts of questions, which I’ve already gone over in my previous testimony. The questions really weren’t important though, as was what came after them. I remember very distinctly that she looked quite happy after I broke down, unable to be formal anymore, and just…
I said, “I want somepony to love me for who I am! To want me and care for me and rut me properly and-”
I said a lot of other things. I told her everything, right down to how little I’d felt appreciated and desired. How much I wanted a mate, how much I wanted children... I blushed so bad in the office as I went into the explicit stuff, and Lady Elegant was all soothing voice and gentleness. “It’s quite alright, darling,” she said to me. “I perfectly understand the need for that. Don’t worry, little one. I’ve got just the solution for you, and it won’t cost you very much at all.” You can’t imagine how relieved I was to hear that. I was ecstatic, thinking I’d finally found the solution to my problems.
A few days later, I was introduced to Doctor Pop.
~~~~ Court House Records Room ~~~~
Shining Armor rubbed at his forehead as he leafed through the documents scattered across the desk. He hated paperwork like any properly trained Guard officer, but he knew the importance of being able to understand the bloody stuff. "Are we as bad off as I think we are?" He muttered, eyeballing the box upon box of similar documents stacked against the wall. Each and every one of which with a different name tag and color coded for the severity of the crime.
Princess Luna snorted. "Tis not as labyrinthine as contracts used to be, but they are still going to be the very devil to decipher." She flipped one more page before letting it go in disgust. "However, should I be reading these clauses correct we may have a very difficult time proving the crimes of these blackguards were in violation of Equestrian law. The law allows a great deal of leeway when it comes to personal contracts, even in direct violation of other Equestrian laws. My sister has not been vigilant in closing said loopholes over the centuries. Likely to keep the nobility in line." She sighed, rubbing at her own temple in a motion that made Shining Armor wince in sympathy.
He did not at that one though. "Yeah, contracts tend to have a way of over-riding things unless the pony is smart enough to have a half-decent lawyer look over them first. We've been able to introduce more protections in recent years, but I think we need to have some experts look at these things." He grabbed a bundle of the contracts and tied a tight red ribbon around them to carry upstairs to the judge. "Did you have somepony in mind?" It was an off-hoof question, but Luna's involvement in this case so far had been pretty spare. Had Celestia been saving her for just this sort of emergency?
Luna smirked. "I will be reviewing them myself, and presuming the worst laws are in apply here. It shall take me several weeks to truly pore through them, however. I shall be recruiting several enforcers of the Crown Law to assist me." Then she paused, as though she had more to say. "Prince Armor, I worry for the health of your sister. She has not yet been to see Dame Rarity and Fluttershy for longer than a few moments."
Shining Armor nearly banged his head on the door at that news. Twily hadn't gone to see them for long? That was news. Bad news, too. "She... She's told me how guilty she feels about all this." He began, hesitating to bring this personal matter up with the Princess. Still. If anyone might be able to help. "She blames herself, Princess. She thinks that somehow she's at fault for what happened to them." There. Now it was out in the open, and Shining Armor would just have to hope his Sister wouldn't murder him for it.
Princess Luna nodded slowly. "A feeling I understand all too well. I shall try to convince my sister to help me find the right speech for her. Until then, we shall all work harder to support her during this trying time." She sighed and gathered up the documents, stacking boxes onto a cart. "I shall get to work on these right away. Please inform my Sister that I wish the help of some modern experts to ensure I do not miss anything."
Shining Armor nodded, then hurried up the steps. He didn't want to miss any of this testimony.
Case #0001, Part 2 - Daisybloom
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Case #0023, Part 1 - Bluefeather
2pm, Friday, 28th day of Summer’s Height, Canterlot High Courthouse, Judge’s Chambers.
Special Inquiry Meeting: Judge Rock, Presiding. Atny Chaser, Princess Celestia, Princess Twilight Sparkle, High Prosecutor White Cravat present. Judge’s Notes: Both Princesses appear surprisingly calm if a bit harried. Atny Chaser looks nervous, Prosecutor Cravat is as unflappable as always,
“I hope no pony here minds if I have some notes taken for my files. My memory isn’t what it used to be, I fear.” Judge Rock chuckles at his own joke, but only the Princesses and the Prosecutor crack a smile.
Atny Chaser is dry-washing his hooves when he speaks. “Your honor, I don’t suppose it’s possible that I can ask after Miss Daisybloom’s health?”
Princess Celestia speaks in her cool, professional voice. “She’s managing, Chaser. Princess Cadence is tending to her as we speak, and has informed me that she will be fine now that we have absorbed her into the royal household. With a pony to directly serve, her new instincts are far easier to keep under control.” She pauses for a moment, then softens. “I consider a mark of your considerable character that you’ve asked that, Dizzy. I am very sorry you’ve been roped into this mess after all you have done for Equestria in the pursuit of justice. ”
Atny Chaser swallows. “Princess, everypony has the right to competent representation. Whatever I might personally think of my clients is irrelevant. I will defend them to the bitter end, as I have every one of my clients. It's not justice if we do not have all of the facts.” He pauses, turning to the judge. “Though I must repeat my strident request to have the charges against Golden Apple dropped immediately, your honor. There is no reason for um… her… to be in that courtroom. It’s only vaguely arguable that Quill Tip ought to be there herself.” He huffs and crosses his forelegs over his chest, mussing up his tie.
Judge Rock hems. “I will consider that request for Golden Apple in light of the new facts about Miss Daisybloom, but she will be required to testify today on the matter of…” He lifts a paper. “Our next witness, Mister Bluefeather. Or is it Miss Bluefeather now, Princess?”
Princess Twilight coughs. “We’re still not certain how to handle Bluefeather’s gender fluidity, your honor. He has requested to be continually referred to as a He for the time being, regardless of his appearance.” She adjusts her crown, looking uncomfortable. “He’s not the only one with the issue, so we’re working on it.”
The judge nods, then gets stern. “I am faced with a quandary, Attorney Chaser, Prosecutor Cravat. In order for this court to assess the appropriate charges to be filed, we require an Inquiry to be carried out to the fullest. However, it has become clear that nearly all of our witnesses will undoubtedly suffer from many of the same problems as Miss Daisybloom did. I will not have my courtroom turned into a media circus waiting for the next lurid tale of victim’s breaking down in my courtroom into fetish-speak.” The judge grimaces at this. “Yet I am bound by law to allow observers in the gallery. So tell me, gentlecolts. What does a responsible judge do at a trying time like this?”
Prosecutor Cravat clears his throat, “If I may, your honor?” The Judge nods. “I have already spoken with all of our witnesses, and they have assured me that they are both willing and prepared to deal with the stresses of the stand. We did not have sufficient time to prep Miss Daisybloom for her new testimony, as she insisted she didn’t wish anypony else to be a part of her ‘healing’.” He looks annoyed for a moment, a rarity for him. “Obviously, we will not allow this to happen again.”
Atny Chaser raises a hoof. “Lady Elegant has informed me that she wishes all of these testimonies to be public, your honor. She insists they will clear her ‘good name’ from the charges levelled by the crown.”
Princess Twilight snorts angrily. “She’s not getting out from under the substance charges. We’ve got more than enough evidence to seize her whole damned estate in fines.”
Princess Celestia, firmly: “Twilight, we’re not here to discuss the irrefutable evidence.”
Atny Chaser, coughing once, “Be that as it may Princess, my client has insisted upon an open Inquiry, and will not accept anything less.” He sighs softly. “However, she is willing to concede that the Court may be adjourned at any time to allow a witness to recover their senses should that be necessary. She will raise no objections, even if this draws out the Inquiry period.”
Judge Rock glances between the pair of them, then grumbles. “Very well. We will proceed with the Inquiry, but if I feel at any time that an adjournment is necessary, I will not accept any objections to it.” He points his hoof at Atny Chaser. “As for your clients, Mister Chaser, I will consider your motion following Golden Apple’s testimony. I expect she is prepared to describe her involvement in Mister Bluefeather’s case, yes?”
Atny Chaser sighs. “I certainly hope so, your honor.”
~~~~~~~~~
Special Case Inquiry, Day 2. Please see previous file for full details.
Judge Rock - Court is now in session!
{gavel bangs}
Judge Rock - Miss Apple-
Golden Apple - Squeak Pony!
{Shocked murmuring from the audience echoes throughout the chamber…}
Judge Rock - Order in the court! Order, I say! Miss… Squeak, then. Do you understand why you’ve been called to the stand?
Golden Apple - Uh huh. Mister Lawyer says I gotta tell you what I did with Missy Featherhead!
Judge Rock - Uh…. {The Judge glances to the Bailiff, who nods.} Yes, that is correct. Would you please…
Atny Chaser - Your honor, If I may? I will be able to help direct Miss Squeak’s testimony so that we might get through this before dinner time.
Judge Rock- HIghly unorthodox, Mister Chaser. But in the interest of keeping this inquiry moving along, I shall allow it. Ahem. This court will now hear the testimony of Miss Squeak Pony.
Atny Chaser - Hey Squeak, are you ready? {The Pony on the stand nods happily.} Okay, Now, for right now, I’d like you to tell the nice Judge about how you met Bluefeather.
Golden Apple - Okie dokie! Um… Okay, so one day I was working for Fizzykins down in his lab when Miz Ellie told us we had to deal with a new customer.
Judge Rock - … Fizzykins? Miz Ellie?
Golden Apple- Uh huh! Fizzy Pop and Elegant! Fizzykins!
{She beams at Fizzy Pop, who actually unbends enough to smile a little at her.}
Golden Apple - So anyhoot, I got Fizzykins his ingredients and Miz Ellie suddenly tells me I need to um… Give a little donation for the new customer. Says he’s just like I was before I got fixed up right proper, and says he needs my help!
{Golden Apple clasps her hooves to her chest with a squeaky noise, her big eyes shimmering with barely withheld tears.}
I couldn’t imagine not helping somepony like me! So I went into the back room and I started diddling my toyhole with my favorite stallion cock and-
Judge Rock - Miss Squeak, please! The court does not need to hear the lurid details of your private life!
Golden Apple - But… I needed to do it I could give Fizzykins my marejuices for his special soda!
Judge Rock - What?!
Atny Chaser - Your honor, I can explain this….
Fizzy Pop - Don’t bother, Chaser. I’ll do it. {Fizzy Pop stands up, and faces the bench.} Squeak Pony here was my very first effort when developing my serum. She was thus an imperfect example of what my serum could accomplish, as I overdosed her with the Discordite flowers and several other components by accident. The resulting changes to her physiology granted her bodily fluids several unique alchemical properties that I am still fully investigating the effects of, but one of which is that her… sexual juice is a powerful catalyst ingredient that can be used in substitute for several other more expensive plants.
Judge Rock - You realize what you are implicating yourself in, do you not, Mister Pop?
Fizzy Pop - I will be vindicated when I finally am given the chance to testify your honor.
Judge Rock - Hrm. Please continue, Miss... Squeak.
Golden Apple - Um, well… I don’t know what just happened but… But Fizzykins is a good stallion! He takes care of me, and makes sure I’m nice and creamy all the time. {The witness wiggles in the stand} Featherbrain needed his help. My help too. So he wouldn’t have to be so confused about everything all the time and-
Judge Rock - That is enough, Miss Squeak. Attorney Chaser, please recall your client. It is clear I will need more information from Mister Bluefeather before I can render any sort of verdict on the status of Miss Gol - Squeak.
Atny Chaser - Yes, your honor. C’mon back Squeaker. You can sit next to me.
Golden Apple - Yay!
~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~
One Month Earlier
Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #38
The voice of First Detective Rich Tracer comes through the speakers, weary and scratchy with age.
Fizzy Pop, Unicorn. Born in Baltimare, age forty-two. Born to father Club Soda and mother Tipsy Kettle, both unicorns. Cutecenera at age six after he brewed his first carbonated drink with little more than some copper tubing and a glass mason jar. Father died in an alchemical accident working for Filthy Rich industries, explosion in the lab due to unknown causes. Family received full accidental death compensation, Mom eventually remarried to a Doctor Hemlock but they’re both clean as whistles. He attended Johnny Hop University at age fourteen with a full scholarship from the hoof-up program, aiming for a degree in practical Alchemy. That’s where things started going off the rails.
He was given sixteen citations for unauthorized experimentation over his four years with the school. Four a year, every year. Just few enough to keep him on the scholarship program. Professors cite him as being ‘frighteningly brilliant but socially inadaptable,’ and was suggested for psychological counseling which never got carried out. Graduated summa-cum-laude with a bachelors, and then got his masters a year later in practical alchemy research. Applied for a position with Canterlot Alchemists Society, which was denied due to mental health concerns, then he drops off the radar for a few years. He pops up out of nowhere and submits a doctor’s thesis to Johnny Hop, which is accepted without prejudice and then he vanishes again after collecting his paperwork.
The sound of a pile of paper smacking into a desk, and a squeaking slide of a chair screech in the recording.
Guy is a complete ghost for nearly a decade until he applies for an Alchemist license in Canterlot four years ago. He’s got his papers and no citations on his name, so he gets it. Audible, angry snort. Hate to be the poor fuck who ended up issuing it right now.
A second voice speaks up - Prince Shining Armor, his words faintly slurred.
Not our department, Tracy. That’s the Princess’ job and be glad we’re not the ones who hafta do it.
Detective Tracer chuckles richly.
You never should’a left Canterlot, Shiny. Fuck it. This scumbag’s our business now, and he’s been talking up a storm.
Slamming of paper folders onto a table
I spend a decade of my life trying to find the fuck who’d been selling high-end recreational drugs to dealers in Canterlot, and then he walks his ass right into my precinct and looks me dead in the eye and tells me it was him. Fucker’s been supplying the market with the kind of skill we thought we had all locked up with the Society. Fifteen years of skill, no less. Guy’s the source of half the new club drugs on the street and he’s probably got more dirt on Canterlot society than the Princess’ do.
Shining Armor chuckles back, and the sounds of a chair squeak through the speaker
I wouldn’t be too sure of that one, Tracy. But seriously, what are we going to do about this guy? He keeps saying he’s got something we want, but he won’t tell us what it is until the Princess talks to him.
Muffled muttering, then the sound of a door swinging open. Prince Armor speaks
What’s up? Oh, right. Kill the recorder Tracy, looks like we need to have a word with this Quill Tip guy.
~~~~Canterlot ~~~~
Present Day
Judge Rock - This court calls Mister Bluefeather to the stand!
Double Scoop’s Notes: ‘Mister’ Bluefeather is a mare to all physical appearances. A blue-coated pegasus, with a bright feather for a cutie mark and a wild, silky mane of various shades of blue. ‘He’ is absolutely beautiful, the very picture of pegasi aesthetic beauty, and every step is an invitation for every single male in the room to stare at her. ‘He’ walks down the aisle to the stand and sits upon the Witness’ chair, looking less than perky in attitude despite his killer looks.
Judge Rock - Mister Bluefeather, thank you for your time today. You indicated to this court that there are things you wished to testify about regarding the charges?
Bluefeather - Y-yes, your honor. Um… I would ask the Court to not think too hard about me as another gender though. I’d rather avoid… embarrassment with the way things are.
Judge Rock - So noted. Please proceed with your testimony.
~~~~~Two years ago ~~~~~
When I first heard about the New Life Placement Agency, I was pretty dubious they’d be able to do anything for me. Being gay isn’t exactly something out of place these days, but there’s always been a really strong… how do I put this? The guys who’s barn doors swing the way I do tend to like Stallions who are Stallions. You can be submissive, sure, but you need to be tough and strong all the same or you don't get much attention. There ain’t too many who go for ponies like me who want to filly it up. Not to say I’m gender dysphoric, I just like being pretty ya dig?
Yeah, I crossdress amongst other things. Hey, what can I say? Panties are soft and comfortable and fun to sleep in. So are corsets, oddly enough. Whatever. Finding dates was hard enough without going to a dating agency that wouldn’t understand what I wanted. I forgot about the company for a while and went about my business, lived my life, yadda yadda… Look, a lot of things happened between finding the flyer and going in, okay?
I met somepony who’d been involved with the company before I was. Somepony I knew before she was… different. Golden Apple, cute earth pony mare with ah… extra equipment. She liked guys, and she especially liked giving guys a ride with her special bits, but in Canterlot? She usually had to go to one of the less than savory clubs to get that kind of attention. We’d shacked up for a while, but it wasn’t going to work between us. She was too much the mare to really turn my crank, and even she was a bit weirded out by my dress choices.
Then all of a sudden, poof, out of nowhere she shows up at my door in the middle of the night looking like… Well, like a sex toy you’d buy at a really high end shop.
Alright, lemme be absolutely clear here. I’ve been in those special clubs in the noble quarter no one likes to admit exists, okay? Where ponies get locked into those encasement suits or physically altered so nopony can recognize em, and get turned into sexual party favors. I’ve been there, once or twice. Hell, I even did it myself once, just to get a feel for it. Not my scene, but was still wicked intense. But that wasn’t what was going on with her. Those suits, those alterations you can tell where the pony begins and the costume ends.
She looked like she was made from the suit. Like she’d merged with it, become one with the suit. She wasn’t wearing rubber or latex, she was made of the stuff. She was just as bouncy and happy as ever, but… Celestia help me, that was a fucked up thing to see! I damn near lost my cool, and then I realized she was already inside. “What the hell happened to you, Goldie?” I’d almost yelled at her, and the door slammed behind me as I shut it. I couldn’t let the neighbors see her like this, what the heck would they think of it?
She just giggled and did as little pirouette in the middle of the room before talking. Her voice was the same as it used to be, but now it kinda fit her… squeakiness. “I’ve come to help fix you, Featherbrain!” She said in this bright, isn’t-this-obvious tone of voice that made me a little wary. I’d had ponies try to ‘fix’ me before, ya see? Usually not in good ways. But she kept going on, oblivious as always. “We can help you so you’ll never have to worry about stallions not liking the way you dress ever again!”
That got my attention real fast. Goldie had always known about my problem, and she knew how important it was to me. I’d always just figured I’d end up finding some nice big hung stallion and faking it for the rest of my life, but… “What do you mean, fixing me?” I’d asked her in a cold, kinda suspicious tone. Somepony had really done a number on her, and I wasn’t about to walk into this without knowing what was up. Still, I had a little bit of hope.
The way she’d smiled at me, I shoulda known better.
~~~~~~
Judge Rock - Do you care to explain why Miss Squeak did not provide this testimony, Mister Chaser?
Atny Chaser - She quite literally can’t recall the event, your honor.
Judge Rock - … Explain yourself.
Atny Chaser - Miss Squeak was ordered to forget that she’d gone to Mister Bluefeather’s home in order to bring him back to the Agency, and so she did. She’s also been ordered to forget and remember any number of a thousand other things over the course of her employment. She cannot disobey those orders when they’ve been given by someone she considers a lawful authority. Due to the… unique nature of her condition, she is no more capable of being guilty of these crimes than a young foal would be guilty of carrying a murderers weapon since they were told to..
Judge Rock - If you are that confident, Mister Chaser, then I should like her examined by Princess Cadence and several other physicians. Should this prove to be accurate, I will consider declaring her unfit to stand trial. Until such time however, Mister Bluefeather has more testimony to give.
~~~~~~~~
You know that old saying, ‘if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is’? Yeah, I kept getting that feeling as she took me back to this place. I’d still had that flyer by the way, and I’d stuck it into my saddlebags on the way there. I didn’t know why. I still don’t. You end up in that place when you’ve been with the company long enough, you know? You get to accept that there’s shit you don’t get to know the reason for, and you adjust to deal with it.
You’ve already heard Daisy’s testimony, so you know what I went through. It’s the same for everypony who walks through the door. I got to know Daisy a bit, you know? I met her just after I got my spicy pop. It tasted like peppers and tomatoes for me. She was absolutely fuckin’ high as a kite on her job. She had a big smile on and was all pride and enthusiasm, and we chatted a bit about the Agency. She kept praising all the good they’d done for her, until this mare wearing heels and a corset waltzed through the door, snapped a leash on her and walked her right out again. Girl didn’t even look twice about it…
But as for what happened next, to me? Well, that’s a whole nother kettle of rice.
After I had my drink, Doctor Fizzy told me I needed to go home and sleep, and said if I wanted I could come back and get some dating advice from the Agency. But I didn’t have to. Said the potion would do all the work over the next week or so. He wasn’t joking.
I went home, wondering if the fifty bits I’d spent on the drink would be anything more than a moderately unique soda pop the value of a good dinner at a high-end restaurant. But by the time I was inside my door, I was… fuck, I was in pain. Serious, hardcore, no foolin’ pain. I hit my carpet, and I was out like a candle flame. Poof, unconscious in no time flat. When I came to, I realized instantly that my body was different than it’d been before.
See, I’d always been pretty masculine looking. Girly clothes or not, I was still a pretty beefy lookin’ stallion for a pegasi. But when I woke up… I looked in the mirror, and I was shocked. I was fuckin’ pretty . Long, flowing locks of mane, big beautiful eyes, svelte body, long thick cock with a graceful little curve to it. I started trying on outfits. It took me a little work to get some of em to fit right, but holy Celestia it was worth it. I looked like I coulda’ passed for a mare if I was wearing something to hide my hardon.
Yeah, that right there? That was the ‘too good to be true’ moment.
I went out that night. I’d never gotten attention before like I did when I walked into that club. Every freakin’ stallion had his eyes on me, even some of the straight ones. I spent maybe an hour at that bar. Maybe. I only spent that long there cuz I got picked up by these brothers, a pair of burly earth ponies with muscles and sac’s like you wouldn’t believe. They took me back to their place, and I started getting scared that they thought I was actually a mare, talkin’ about knocking me up. But when the panties finally came off and they saw what I was sportin…
Gods. I thought they were gonna eat me alive, in the best possible way.
I got spit-roasted for the first time in my life that night. They railed me, switching off ends, for the whole fuckin’ night. We stopped twice to get drinks and clean up the mess, and we were right back at it as soon as they got hard again. My mind was swimmin’, and my body? Fuckin’ a, my body was tellin’ me yes, if you feel me? I must’ve ate a gallon of cum that night. I couldn’ta been happier.
Then the wheels came off the cart.
I got home the next morning, and I passed out the instant I closed the door behind me. Pain like I’d never had before in my entire life. When I woke up? It hadn’t stopped. I managed to crawl to the window and throw out my sick-sock. Uh… See, I live alone, but I wanted a way for ponies to know real easily if I needed help, yeah? So I made up this deal with my landlord, I had this special knotted up sock and if he ever heard it hit his window, he should send help. Sure enough, he came runnin’ up like Discord was after his ass. But when he crossed that threshold outside my door…
I ain’t never seen my landlord like that before. He was starin’ at me like I’d grown horns. He’s a nice enough unicorn, you know? Little scrawny, but a standup guy when push came to shove. An’ he was sure as shittin’ standin’ up once he walked in that room. Pretty little me, splayed all over the floor like some kinda porno model. I didn’t know it then, but just bein’ in the same room as me was settin’ off the alarm bells in his head.
Unfortunately, my landlord might be a good stallion, but he’s still a stallion. He was on me in a heartbeat, an’ I started feelin’ him poke at me… well, I was gettin’ poked in a place I wasn’t supposed to have. It was hot, it felt awesome, and I was cryin’ my little eyes out. Well, I would’a been cryin, except I was too busy moaning into my own fuckin’ carpet. Heh. Fuckin’ carpet. That’s what it became. He railed me good and hard, and made me feel like the prettiest little mare in the world. Came inside me too.
By the time he hauled his scrawny ass off my much shapelier one, I could see the gears turning in his head even as my headache and pain started t’ vanish. Then he grins brightly and tells me the rent’s been covered for this month, as though it was the most natural thing in the world, and he trots off like nothing happened. Left me in the floor, in a puddle of goo and juices and a metric shitton of confusion.
But the wheels had just barely come off, you hear? It got worse from there. Much worse.
View Online
Case #0044, Part 1 - Sweet Tart (A.k.A Sugar Lemon)
~~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse ~~~~~
31st Day of Summer’s Height, Lunaris Inquiry Session #1
Case File: The Crown V. New Life Placement Agency (Re: Lady Elegant, Quill Tip, Golden Apple, Fizzy Pop) Judge Rock presiding, Princess Luna advising Atny Disaster Chaser present Prosecutor White Cravat Present No Defendants present Court Reporter - Double Scoop, Equestria Times Court Transcriber - Kwerty Davorak Witnesses Present: Sweet Tart, Golden Apple (Holding Cell 2, Witness Status unverified.)
Princess Luna - We call this Inquisition into the actions of Lady Elegant and her conspirators to order!
Judge Rock - I beg your pardon Princess Luna, but this is an Inquiry , not an Inquisition. We are not here to torture or otherwise coerce confessions out of anypony. We are here to listen to important testimony regarding new evidence in this case.
Princess Luna - - {Muttering} Mine sister needs to stop getting my hopes up… Very well! Call forth this witness, so that we might hear their words on this matter.
Judge Rock - Princess Luna, I would beg your indulgence to speak as to the nature of the Aegis Lunaris laws, and what they will mean for the proceedings. Not for myself, I stress, but for the public record.
Princess Luna - Hmph. Very well. Aegis Lunaris, or Shield of the Moon laws were enacted to protect Equestrian interests in times of great legal crisis. Given the likely incendiary nature of upcoming testimony, these laws provide a broad array of legal protections from reprisal by outside sources as well as ensuring that anypony who wishes to speak to the nature of these crimes may be assured that their identities and livelihoods will be protected by the Crown.
These protections will include but are not limited to, protections from civil suits, protection from baronial prosecution, and protection from court martial or military arrest. Furthermore, all testimonials given and all confessions made during these Inquisit- Inquiries are to be considered Top Secret information and cannot be used to pursue the prosecution of the witnesses or defendants without approval from my sister or myself.
Judge Rock - Thank you, Princess Luna. This court appreciates your assistance in clarifying these matters. Now, let us move along. This court calls Sweet Tart to the stand!
Double Scoop’s Notes: Sweet Tart is a female earth pony. Unlike the previous defendants, she appears to be extremely well composed and is wearing a professional-looking suit, skirt and shoes in dark red. They compliment her dull brown coat and bright yellow eyes, and a dark black mane that is cut short and utilitarian in nature. Oddly enough, I didn’t even notice her entering the room until Judge Rock spoke. Hm. I’m usually a lot more observant than that.
Judge Rock - Miss Sweet Tart. You have been called before this Inquiry Court to testify to the nature of your employment with the New Life Placement Agency and your role within the company. Do you understand why we have called you here?
Sweet Tart - I’ve a fairly good idea, your Honor.
Judge Rock - Why did you not come forward earlier with your testimony, then?
Sweet Tart - I’m afraid I couldn’t until now, your Honor. It’s kind of complex.
Judge Rock - Then please, enlighten us as to the complexities.
Sweet Tart - Before I do, your Honor, I have a request of the court.
Judge Rock- Say on.
Sweet Tart - I… I would like somepony here to tell me they need me to come do something for them immediately after I have given my testimony. Please. Your Honor.
Princess Luna - A strange request, but very well. I shall require you to come to the Palace immediately following thy testimony, so I might become more familiar with your observations on the accused.
Sweet Tart - Th-thank you, Princess. Ahem. My name is Sweet Tart, and I was a… I suppose you could call me a ‘fixer’ for the New Life Placement Agency.
Judge Rock - According to the documents I have, your name does not appear on the company rolls.
Sweet Tart - I’m hardly the only somepony with that problem, your Honor. But we’ll get to that. I was one of the earlier subjects to Fizzy Pop’s experiments, and the first pony to be affected by what he later called ‘severe reality warping.’
Judge Rock - Explain.
Sweet Tart - To explain that, I need to go back to what brought me to the Agency in the first place.
~~~~~Three Years Ago ~~~~~
I was working for a small financial firm called Numbers Solutions just off Cherry Street in Manehatten when this all began. My boss, the Business Numbers of Numbers Solutions, was on one of his passionate tirades about how to improve the efficiency and professionalism of his business. He’d been taking tips from Filthy Rich again, and was trying to improve the overall mood of his executive meetings with big clients.
I was his secretary and executive assistant at the time, and I’m not bragging when I say I was damn good at my job. I never dropped an appointment or missed a beat in making sure everything ran smoothly at the executive level. I was good at what I did, and I was well paid for it even if I didn’t have much of a social life. My boss was even a pretty good stallion, all things considered. He never thought of me in any kind of sexual way, was devoted to his family and worked hard to make sure I got some time off every year to go see my own extended family in Trottingham. But on the flipside, I did have to suffer through all of his passion projects from time to time.
Oh, there were plenty of those. The ‘flex hours’ thing was nice for a while, and so was the ‘open office’. I actually quite liked having a ping-pong table in the break room, truthfully. But I still have nightmares about ‘crunch time,’ and don’t get me started on that whole ‘official titles’ thing he was obsessed with for a while. But the last passion he had was a new concept of how to make maximum use of your employees skills while making it look easy. It had some kind of funny name that I can’t recall right now, but the basic concept was that while he appreciated everything I did, he needed me to try to do so in such a way that I wouldn’t ever be visible unless someone was directly looking for me.
I’ve got to admit, I was stumped by that one. I’d worked hard at being an enthusiastic student of his methods, but this one threw me for a major loop. I took some training courses he’d recommended to me, I did research on how to fade into the background, the whole deal. But I suppose my personality was simply too vivid and strong to actually commit to it the way I ought to have. I started getting nervous that he’d lose patience with me when a former colleague of mine by the name of Quickbolt contacted me, more or less out of the blue. Apparently, he’d had some spectacular results getting help from this ‘placement agency’ that specialized in unique and unusual job and training requests.
I was wary, but Quickbolt had never been a pony to overstate the efficacy of things and I was rather running out of time to get things in order. I decided that if it was just some kind of marketing hoax that I could at least extract a paid trip to Canterlot out of it. I told my boss about the possibilities of the new training the company could provide, and he was instantly enthusiastic. I figured if it was total dreck, I could use the chance to apply for some new positions while I was there. Canterlot’s always a high-demand market.
So. You can probably guess what happens next by now. We all met Fizzy Pop, you know that right? He insisted at being present every time somepony drank his secret sauce. I think he was looking for something, but you’d have to ask him personally about that. I came to the Agency, I ate the poison apple, yadda yadda yadda. No one gives a damn about that. I’m just a number in the grand scheme of things. You want to know what happened next, right? What’s my dark secret?
Hate to break it to you sugarlips, but my only dark secret is I wanted to be the best too badly. I walked into that room, thinking that I was going to learn how to be the best assistant ever. I figured maybe it was some kind of magic enhancement potion. I’d heard of secretaries in Neighpon taking invisibility potions or things like that. So I figured he had to be on the up and up. One doesn’t operate a criminal enterprise in Canterlot right out in public view, right?
So I drank it down. I thought about three seconds longer than most ponies do, but I was running out of time and I rather enjoyed my work. I didn’t notice anything strange at first, just the Doctor going wide eyed and glancing around the room after I tossed it back. I didn’t feel particularly funny at first, then I got this odd feeling of being lightweight and… I don’t really have the words for it. Ghostly? Whatever it was, I was sure Quickbolt would be impressed. But when I found out what he’d been aiming for...
Ahem. You don’t need to hear about that. Point was, I went in with a goal. And I accomplished my goal, alright? I walked out of there, happy as a clam. Nopony noticed me. For goodness’ sake, I even tried doing a little sneaking around Canterlot just to see how well the stuff worked. It was like nopony could even see me no matter where I went. I even did some experiments. I wrote my name into someone else’s reservation for a table at Shu’s. I snuck past the bellhops at the Canterlot Royal Theatre to see that Harmony Returns musical. I snuck into… and out of… the Royal Palace, all by my lonesome. I was utterly invisible.
Then I went back to Manehatten. My boss was thrilled to see me, and happy to have me back at work. I was happy to be back at my job, and decided to show off my skills. Sure enough, once I had the daily tasks out of the way, I walked into his office and… Bam. It was like he was looking right through me. He looked up, as if he was searching for me. He walked all over his office looking for me, and even looked under the furniture. Then he got really, really happy and said “Miss Tart, I need you.” And he turned around, and nearly leapt out of his suit. “By Jiminy!” he said. “How did you do that?!”
I just gave him my best mysterious smile. I was an idiot. I should’ve said something about the potion. He would’ve been able to warn me. Probably would’ve been able to help me before things got out of hoof. Of course, I thought I was totally in control. For weeks, things seemed just fine. My boss came to appreciate my ability to get everything done without bothering a single soul, including himself. My efficiency increased dramatically even as my social life sort of died away. It was like everypony forgot I existed as soon as I was done with my task.
It wasn’t just like that, actually. It was what was actually happening.
~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~
Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #48
Two voices muttering indistinctly, the sound of wooden chairs scraping against the floor. Then, the popping of paper lids. Shining Armor speaks first.
“Freakin’ Celestia, Tracy. Is this for real?”
Detective Rich Tracer speaks up next, sounding like he’s talking around a mouthful of something
“Gotta note from an ol’ contact of mine. We double checked her story against some reports, did a little backtracking.” A sluuuuuuuuurp sound “So yeah, Shiny. This shit is for real.”
“Shit.”
Silence, except for the sound of eating. Vegetables crunching, more noodle slurping, then Shining Armor speaks again.
“Kids, man. How did THAT happen, Tracy? What the fuck kind of sicko...”
“According to what I learned, there was a break in. Small gang of orphans from uh…”
The shuffling of paper. Muttering sounds.
“Our Lady of the Sun Wayward Foals Home. Sheesh, they give these places big names. Whatever. Was about… fifteen or twenty of them he thinks, numbers are sketchy ya dig? They got it into their heads that they could fix their lives by getting stuff out of the place. This one that came forward though, this uh… Wind Seeker, that’s her birth name. She says she’s the only one who’s still in Canterlot. Don’t know what happened to the rest of them but she does say they all grabbed a sip from what sounds like one of these potions the Lady was hockin’”
Clatter of a fork against a bowl, a tired sigh. Shining Armor speaks quietly.
“My sister’s losing her cool already, and now we gotta report this? Fifteen to twenty undocumented kids who’d had Celestia knows what done to them by it?”
A snort. Tracer speaks.
“Shiny, you’ve been on this job long enough to know how it works. Nopony gets out of somethin’ like this unharmed. Anyone who thinks little kids get spared because that’s how they want it to be is fuckin’ stupid. I’m honestly surprised it’s not worse than this. Thankfully near as we can figure, only maybe two or three hunndert’ of the ponies in the book had kids.”
Sound of spitting and coughing, faint spatter of liquid against the floor.
“Two or three hundred ?! And that’s GOOD?!”
“That’s a lowball, Shiny. Ten percent of the vics had kids? Either Elegant was way more careful about pickin’ her targets than we thought, or we rolled the bones and got barn doors more times than we had any right to. More’n seventy percent of ponies in Canterlot got kids, Shiny. More’n sixty nationwide, if the last census is to be believed.”
A sigh, the scraping of wood on wood. Hooves hittin a desk. Tracy still speaking.
“Thank Celestia for the fuckin’ genealogy laws. We’re still tracking them down since it’s tough to do that without addresses, but everypony’s gotta register their foals with the Census when they’re born and whenever they move. That’ll give us somewhere to start on th’ ponies in this book. I thought you knew that shit, Shiny.”
Muttering, and the final clatter of a fork in an empty bowl. Shining Armor speaks grudgingly.
“I did know that, I just didn’t think it’d be useful. I suppose that’ll make it easier to find out what happened to the parent’s at least.”
A pause, then a sigh.
“This is already out of control, isn’t it, Tracer?”
“Shiny, this is just the fuckin’ beginnin’. So put on your big filly panties and get over it, because we got bigger zucchini to fry right now. Grab that file over there, the one in red, we need to start building Pony Of Interest sheets to send out to all the precincts.”
~~~~Back at the Trial ~~~~~
Sweet Tart - After I was at the Company for a while, I learned a few things. Most importantly, I learned a curious fact about how long each of us lasted before we were forced to go back to the Company for help. Of all the victims, only Bluefeather lasted longer than I did. Though likely that was less by design and more a function of how important I was to my boss. But times changed, things changed, and when it finally came crashing down on my head…
I’ve got some papers here. I kept them as a souvenir and as a warning to myself. Nopony really needs you all the time. Even ponies who are madly in love with one another like privacy from time to time. When my ability to remain needed waned for just a small amount of time, everything changed. It happened all at once, really. One day, I came into the office and everypony just looked straight past me. I tried engaging my boss, but I got nowhere. For about… a week, I kept up the facade. Like a little house fairy out of legend, I kept the place tidy and did my tasks and never commented once about the discrepancy.
It wasn’t until my paycheque didn’t show up at my apartment on time that I got worried. I went back to the office the next morning and I quite yelled my head off, but nopony could see me. Nopony noticed me, or even seemed to care no matter what I did. I made quite a mess in the office that day, and I can distinctly remember the worried looks and frightened faces of my former coworkers as they began to speculate that the office was ‘haunted’. It was then, and only then that I began to realize the fatality of my error.
I went up to my office to find somepony else in it, doing my job. My files, my personal effects, my everything? Gone. Discord alone knows where they went, but they were gone and I was seized with panic. I raced home, fortunately finding most of my things still in tact. My rent was paid up for another month and so were my other bills. I would be fine for a place to live, but now I had a rather urgent money problem. I delved into my savings, and went to get something to eat. But there too did I find my curse had followed me.
I tried desperately to get clerks attention, so I could pay for my groceries. No restaurant would serve me, not even the hayburger place. I decided to do another experiment. I loaded up a cart with everything I would need for weeks, and walked right out of the store. Nopony looked at me twice or even tried to stop me. I went home. I nearly had a panic attack as I put away the food I’d just stolen - more than enough to get me arrested and jailed. I was invisible to anypony who didn’t need me, and at that present moment in time… nopony did. No one knew I was there. Nopony knew I existed.
I’d like you to take a moment and imagine what that’s like. Even the most private of ponies tend to have family or friends who care about them in one way or another. We’re a social race, it’s in our blood to want others to know we’re there. Even if they live far away, there’s somepony who’ll care if we go dark. But right then, right there, I might as well have been dead as far as the universe was concerned. Staying out of the limelight was second nature to me, and in a city like Manehatten where unless you put yourself front and center you might as well be part of the scenery? It was even worse.
I made do for a while. I had some considerable savings which I augmented with… extra legal activities. You’ll understand if I’d rather not go into the details. When my rent was due, surprise! The apartment owner could see me. When it was paid, I was a ghost. I used every method I had to stay in touch with ponies, but there was always a vague undercurrent of surprise when I got them to see me. Where had I been? What had I been doing? Why had I vanished from my job? I tried to explain, of course. But I suppose it all sounded like excuses. Nopony wants to believe bad things can happen to ponies they know, of course.
Eventually, the bits started to run thin. My lease was up soon, and in Manehatten no building manager really needs you as a tenant. I was running out of options. I went to the Police station, and… well, I’m not going to elaborate on where else I went looking for help. No one could see me, nopony could help. Except the ponies who’d done this to me. Before I left the city, I picked up a few things from the criminal element. Magical weapons are quite illegal in Equestria, but that doesn’t stop someponies from buying and selling them. I decided it might be prudent to bring a little insurance with me given what I might be walking into.
I came back to Canterlot on the train. I didn’t need to pay the fare either. Who would notice me, then? I walked past guard patrols holding my little insurance policy over my shoulder. I walked into the New Life Placement Agency, and walked straight into Fizzy Pop’s lab. He’d already been working on a new dose of his sauce. So I picked it up, and waited. Sure enough, he’d soon needed his potion for his next experiment. Except when he walked in, he saw me holding it with a surprise ready to fire off.
I’ve never seen a pony so comically terrified of anything in my entire life. We stood there in silence together, his eyes fixed on my toy. I’m not going to go into details about what I brought, but suffice it to say. well, knowing what I know now? I ought to have set it off and brought the whole damn place down on our heads.
Lady Elegant walked in a few minutes later to see the standoff. She took one look between us, and smiled. “I take it you’re looking for a job.” She said to me, as though she expected me to be there sooner. “Put that thing down, and let’s negotiate like adults, shall we?” She continued. For just a moment, I considered blowing us all to the Elysian Fields. But life is sweet when you get right down to it. I remember my next words, and how much I wish I could take them back now.
“First, let’s discuss my new position.”
~~~~~~~~~
Initial Medical Report: Dr. House Call, Dr. Cassock, Dr. Lumination, Dr. Wile E as attending physicians. Regarding Patients: Rarity Belle, Fluttershy, Sweet Tart, Swizzle Stick and 5 other names. Case Subject #00221, “Extreme Reality Warping” To: Princesses Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Luna, Cadence and Prince Armor Dr. House Call as transcriber.
Following our initial investigations into Fizzy Pop’s unknown alchemical substance, we have moved our attention to the more immediate concerns with the mental and physical well being of our four principal patients. Patients Rarity Belle and Fluttershy have so far refused further treatment on the grounds that they do not consider themselves to be in a medically treatable condition.
As per Equestrian medical rights and guidelines, both have been released into the custody of their immediate family and, in Fluttershy’s case, her current legal guardian Rainbow Dash. Both have volunteered their time for examination and testing in the hopes of aiding other patients, however. While I am no longer authorized to apply treatment to either mare, I strongly suggest psychological counseling for both of them over the new events in their lives.
Patient Sweet Tart and Swizzle Stick have both been far more cooperative for treatment. We have termed their conditions “Discordite Syndrome” as a short-hoof to make the condition seem less intimidating. Both ponies exhibit signs of powerful magical effects which previously had only been observed in enchanted artifacts or high-level ritual magic.
Of note, Patient Sweet Tart has exhibited all the signs of a pony under the effects of the Forget-Me-Now spell, first developed in the pre-classical era by Urtho Silencio. We have tried several versions of the most well known counter-spell to limited effectiveness. While Sweet Tart now has much more control over how long she remains ‘noticeable’, we have had to take several precautions to ensure that we do not simply forget about her existence.
Notably, we make certain that all of our interviews with her end with the phrase ‘I shall need to see you tomorrow, so rest well.’. This allows a continuity of need, which appears to temporarily relieve her condition. Unfortunately, this effect is not one-hundred percent effective. Furthermore, as the spell appears to be capable of sensing intent and without a genuine intent to see her the next day, we have occasionally lost track of the patient.
This is important, as her time spent invisible has badly damaged her psyche. She is nervous, twitchy, and oftentimes given to manic-depressive states when left alone for too long. Surprisingly, she has proven to be a superb companion to Patient Bluefeather. The magic which curses them both has a so far unexplored cancellation effect on each other. While this is far from perfect, Bluefeather’s attentiveness to Sweet Tart, and Sweet Tart’s desire for physical but not sexual companionship has proven to be an excellent treatment for both of their conditions. I would highly recommend that Bluefeather be allowed regular unrestricted visits with Miss Tart.
Her psychological damage, however, is extensive. She shows many signs of mildly severe Soldiers Syndrome and several other signs of psychological trauma including Claustrophobia and obsessive compulsive tendencies. She has fully internalized all of her supposed ‘crimes’ to the point where she does not see herself as deserving of life. She has shown extensive signs of trauma induced sociopathy, as well as various other forms of antisocial personality disorders likely as a result of her time spent in isolation. It is possible that given time and the support of Bluefeather and Golden Apple that Miss Tart might be able to isolate and ultimately defeat these conditions, but it will be years before the fruits of such labor would be seen.
Lastly, Miss Sweet Tart has exhibited extensive suicidal tendencies. She continues on not out of a joy of living, but rather to try and atone for the mistakes she made. She lacks a sense of danger towards herself, and may very well be capable of genuine self-harm. I would advise that steps are taken to ensure she is never left alone or unneeded to the point where she may make an attempt on her life.
However, in spite of many of these things, Miss Sweet Tart has shown an incredible resiliency when she is allowed to cloak her fears in professionalism. More than anything, the ability to do what she does well in a safe and friendly environment has allowed her to remain functional and even quite capable. While we are not in unanimous agreement, this medical team does agree by virtue of majority that Miss Sweet Tart is fit to stand for testimony in the case of The Crown V. NLPA. Weather or not she is fit to stand trial should she be charged with collusion is, at this time, uncertain.
The next case concerns that of Miss Swizzle Stick, A.k.A Wind Chaser, on which Dr. Lumination will be providing the report.
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Case #0044, Part 2 - Sweet Tart (A.k.A Sugar Lemon)
Sweet Tart - Let me tell you a secret. Secretaries and Assistants are the ones who really run the world.
We keep things running, we make sure all the documents are filed and all the appointments are neatly taken care of on time. Tick-tock, always by the clock, and never a moment too soon or too late. I’d done that job my entire life, and I knew how important I was to keeping a business running. Lady Elegant knew it too, which is why she never once tried to use my condition to put me in bed with somepony else. She knew what power I had over her the second I walked into her archives and started making sense of her filing system.
Ponies became case numbers. Horrors became bank statements. Prostitution, slavery, exploitation all became mission statements. Elegant, Quill, Fizzy and Bouncy all needed me during all hours of the day for one reason or another. I was never alone, and I was never ignored, and after months of living invisibly I drank it up like a thirsty flower. I was so happy to have purpose again that I simply tuned out the reality of what I was doing. That’s really the key to everything, you see. That’s how the Company worked, it basically ran on liquid need. Need for company, need for pleasure, need for others who would understand what you were going through.
I remember meeting Bluefeather for the first time, when Elegant brought him in to be our first new ‘official’ employee. I remember reading his file, and wondering why I never had a problem with him. He was a good worker, solid and reliable in all instances. A bit rough around the edges, but that was to be expected of somepony in his position. His condition had left him wary of most ponies, but we got along well enough. I never quite knew what was wrong with him until it all fell apart. I was unique in that way, actually. It made me very well-suited to administer our little circus of freaks. My strange new trait had rendered me utterly immune to the powers that reacted to the presence of others.
But enough details. You wanted to know what Fixer means, didn’t you? Well, my job was to speak with new and prospective clients for the company and then slot our employees in wherever they were best suited. Our limited selection made that difficult at first, but it was not long after my employment that Lady Elegant began to go on something of a hiring binge. She got more and more brazen as time went on, you see. Oh, I kept things carefully in check. I only brought on those best-suited to the job to be actual employees, but I could not keep her from amusing herself with whoever and whatever wandered into our doors.
I arranged employees who specialized in sex to attend the parties of nobles. They would be like party favors for those the noble was friends with. They would get drunk, or high, or whatever, and they’d pick one of our specialists to take home for the evening. Daisybloom and Bouncy were especially popular, since their unique traits made them nigh indestructible. They could take a lot of punishment and some of our… customers appreciated that.
For other jobs, I slotted in where we had the skills and made do where we did not. We provided assistance in nearly every industry and at nearly every social strata. Nopony knew what was actually going on at our company. They thought we were all there by choice, or that what we were doing we did for the money. Truthfully, only myself and a small hoof-full of others ever made any bits from the deal. Even Lady Elegant was basically running the place at cost. It wasn’t a place meant to make anypony rich. It was a place to amuse her. A large, complex toy for our dear boss to play around with.
Things picked up after the first year. We had clout and we had a reputation. Let me be clear: Not everypony who walked in our door walked out like I did, or like Bluefeather did. Plenty of them simply had some shallow desires that they paid to get realized. Plenty of stallions wanting bigger dicks, fillies who wanted to be thinner and sexier, and every day schlubs who wanted to be masters of this or that skill or stupid everyday thing. Over my two years with the company, we served about seven thousand or so customers.
Sounds like a lot, right? Well, once we got our reputation Lady Elegant made Fizzy streamline his production process. He started cranking out vats of the stuff instead of individual doses. He complained, like he always did, but he was pleased to have so many new test subjects. But he was never satisfied with the potency, so that’s what he messed with when Elegant wasn’t looking. That’s when everything started to go downhill.
He was using Bouncy’s special trait to supercharge his secret sauce. We started getting more and more customers with… issues. We couldn’t just let them wander the streets. We’d get noticed, of course. So I started hiring them and covering them up. We started signing contracts for private households and individuals looking for somepony they could enjoy off the books. We started resembling an adoption agency for our own mutated freak children, but we couldn’t get rid of all of them.
Our office got bigger. We quickly became the most popular whorehouse in Canterlot, amongst other things, and before long we were signing deals with some of the darker clubs. Places where they needed very specific talents for very specific shows. Look, I don’t know the details and I didn’t want to know. They’d give me a list with some descriptions, I’d fill the slots. Ponies got paid. That was the end of it. Our company got bigger with every bit our reputation grew and we started to attract ponies with names that would be missed if something happened to us.
That was what ultimately got us in trouble, you see. Lady Elegant hadn’t counted on the effect of so many powerful magical auras all in one place, all rubbing up against one another. I’m no wizard or expert in magic, but even I know that’s a bad idea. But it kept getting bigger and bigger as the months went on, until about a month before the wheels came off when the most powerful magical auras that could walk through our doors did. That’s when the worst happened. Our reputation finally got big enough that a pair of celebrities walked through our doors and blew the whole thing wide open.
~~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~~
Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #49
“Uhm… Testing? Is this on? This Princess Twilight Sparkle speaking…”
A soft, rough chuckle interrupts the princess. Detective Tracy speaks,
“Don’t need to identify yourself, ma’am. The notation office does that later when this goes into the Archives. It’s on, by the way - see the little red light there?”
Gentle tapping of hoof on the recorder. A gentle ‘oh!’ sound from the Princess, then Tracy continues.
“I’d like to thank you for your help with these notation sheets. I wish I knew why Shiny had to go so fast, but it’s good to see a Princess willing to get down and dirty with us poor common detectives.”
Soft laughter from the Princess,
“Tracer, you are anything but a common detective. And you’re welcome, it’s good to get my mind off of this absurd alchemical potion business and away from a moping Discord. I swear, Detective Tracer, he’s insufferable enough when he’s smug and sure of himself, but he’s been acting like a filly who just lost her first crush!”
The sound of mugs hitting the table, liquid being poured. Coffee, black. The detective speaks.
“Not something I’m surprised at, Miss Twilight. He’s more pony than he likes to admit, if what I’ve seen of him is accurate.” Sipping sound. “You been to see your friends, yet?”
Silence for a few moments, then a sigh.
“What would I say to them? I tried going into the hospital when they were there, but I couldn’t bring myself to do more than go into the observation room. I…” Shuffling hooves, sipping sound. I sent them both notes. I know they read them, and they both understand sort of what I’m going through.”
A gentle cough from the detective before he speaks.
“Princess, if I might be so bold… There wasn’t anything you coulda done for them. They walked into that roach motel knowing what they were gettin’ themselves into.”
The sound of a slamming hoof on the desk, and the crash of a breaking mug on the floor.
“Why…. why didn’t they come talk to me? Did they think I wouldn’t understand? After everything we’ve been through together, everything we’ve done, did they think I would judge them because of… Of THAT!?”
Another slammed hoof on the desk, Princess Twilight’s voice growing louder.
“I would’ve done anything for them! They should have KNOWN that! I don’t give two fucks about spell restrictions! I’m a freakin’ Princess with my own freaking castle! We could have found a safe solution together ! Damnit, what were they think-”
Princess Twilight cuts off here for a moment, silence punctuated by gentle sobs. Detective Tracy speaks,
“Ain’t no way to know without talkin’ to em, Princess.”
Sniffling sound. The Princess speaks again,
“I know, I’m just…” Deep breath. “I know. I should go see them tonight.”
Chuckling sound, and the sweeping of a broom can be heard for some time. Detective Tracy speaks next,
“No. Give yourself some time to get ready for it, Princess. Go see ‘em in the morning. Bring donuts and breakfast stuff. Apologize, hug ‘em. They’ll understand once you’ve seen ‘em. Best way to deal with tragedy an’ shit like that is to do it with fresh eyes. Lissen, I know you’re worried they’re gonna be different. An they are! But…”
The broom stops, a silence follows.
“But they’re still the ponies ya love inside, you follow me? You remember that when you see ‘em. Bad shit changes us all, Princess, but what really matters, no bullshit, is how we deal with it after it happens. Now get ridda that old broken mug, and let’s do some good work tonight. We got a lot of ponies to find.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Sweet Tart - I’d like to be absolutely clear for the record. When those two ponies walked into the agency, they did so in disguise. Not surprising, we had a lot of visitors like that. They were usually the ones Elegant liked to play with, but something was different about them. They moved with a purpose, they looked determined and set on their path. There was no hesitation about what they were coming to do and that in and of itself was worrying.
It wasn’t until they’d made their appointment under pseudonyms that I started to smell something fishy. I was supposed to screen our clients for those cases we deemed too dangerous to take on, but I couldn’t find anything that would set off any warning signals. I dug deep into their credentials, but they had top level references. Nothing I could find suggested anything under the table.
I should’ve been more suspicious, but why would I be? They came in, they got their sauce, they left. I gave them each a few weeks at most before they came back. Then… Then everything started coming apart. Fizzy Pop was getting more and more erratic. I was keeping the business running, but I started dropping stitches from all the tasks Elegant needed me for. Bouncy started becoming afraid of what might happen to all of us.
When the news hit about them, Elegant had me move the company files off site to several new locations. She started dismantling the company left right and center. I tried to keep things running, to keep our patrons and clients happy, but it kept getting harder with every week that passed. Elegant thought the Princesses would be onto us in no time, even though nopony had talked.
Then Daisybloom ran for it. I got the news first, and I made the only call I could. I took my name plaque off the door to my office, grabbed my personal files, and I ran myself. I wanted to bring Bouncy with me, but it was far too risky. She…
Look, I’m not a great pony. I’m obsessed by my work, and I fully admit it. I need to work to feel fulfilled, that’s my big problem. But Bouncy was special, okay? She still is. She doesn’t need to be dragged into this and I’ll be damned if I give you word one to help you do that. If I could have brought her with me, I would have, but she’s too simple for that. She’s not suited to going on the run, and I don’t know as I could’ve hidden what I have with her around. Some good ponies are not going to go down for what I did and I swear to Celestia I will do whatever it takes to protect her.
So here’s the straight silver. I know Equestrian law well enough to know what I’m guilty of, which is why I gave Bluefeather everything he needed to write his book and finally close this madhouse down. Bluefeather told you about our clients, but he didn’t tell you the whole story. He couldn’t, because the only somepony who knows the whole story is me. Elegant didn’t know, and even Fizzy Pop had only the barest idea towards the end.
So here it is. I pimped. I sold ponies as sex toys. I sold slave labor and worse. I enabled some very nasty habits for the rich and powerful because they could protect us from investigation. I broke into bank vaults, and I had witnesses killed when it needed to be done. Whatever it took to keep Blue and Bouncy off the Guard’s lists and out of sight. And yeah, I used Daisybloom as a way of keeping our most important clients happy.
You can look at me however you want, horrified eyes and all. It’s lovely just to have ponies looking at me like I’m here, and not some kind of ghost. I wasn’t kidding when I said assistants and secretaries rule the world, you know. No one sees us even in ordinary events, as we quietly do the same job as good grease on a wheel axle. We make sure everything runs smoothly, and that’s what I did. I did what I could to do good. I tried to make sure those poor kids were put in places they could be taken care of. I tried to keep the families of the employees from finding out what was wrong with their husbands and wives so that more lives could be preserved. But more than occasionally, I was the one pulling the strings and sending those poor cursed and confused ponies out to hock their bodies and minds to keep the whole thing running.
Keeping things running is what an assistant does after all.
Bluefeather was a pawn at worst. He’s not guilty of what happened any more than Bouncy is, even if he’s convinced himself that he was. The book he gave you provides you with the names of everypony involved. I can give you more: Dates, locations, payment methods, addresses, locations of our employees, the works. I know everything. And I’ll tell the court everything it needs to hear, provided one thing. You will make absolutely certain Bluefeather and Bouncy are cleared of all charges. No exceptions, no excuses.
I don’t care what happens to me. Not anymore.
~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~
Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #49 - Special Excerpt
The door bangs open, the sound of stomping hooves on wood. Princess Twilight Sparkle speaks first,
“Shiny? What’re you doing he-”
Prince Shining Armor speaks harshly, cutting off the princess.
“Twily, I love you, but not now. I need you and Tracy to come to the Courthouse with me, and I need you to come right now.”
Grinding of wood against wood, sound of hooves standing up. Detective Tracy speaks,
“What’s Celestia want us to do, Shiny?”
Muttering sounds, then a sigh.
“I’ll tell you on the way.”
~~~~~Canterlot Castle, Earlier. ~~~~~
“Children.”
The crack of anger, like an earthquake splitting the ground in two, is enough to make Prince Shining Armor wince away. Gone is the serene and gentle Princess Celestia, and in her place stands a furious Sun Goddess. One that is mere moments away from striding to the Guilty and blasting them into scattered ashes with her power. Not that Shining would blame her, but it would probably cause a few political issues.
So with all the strength of will one needed to have to be married to one of these crazy Princesses, he stands his ground. “Yes, Princess. We’re still working on trying to find the rest of them, but we have at least one confirmed. She’s asked to provide her own Testimony as to some of the things she saw and what happened to her and her friends after she stole the serum.” He swallows. “As to the rest of them, the children of the victims… Our resources are stretched to the limit, Princess. We’ve got nopony else to assign to the investigation.”
“The Royal Guard will handle them, Prince Armor.” Celestia’s voice snaps like a whip, almost rocking Shining Armor back on his hindhooves. “I shall have Captain Lancelot get the list from Detective Tracer.” She takes a deep breath, and Shining nearly sighs in relief. She isn’t going to go kill them all in fit of pique. Not yet anyway. “In the meantime, you are to formally arrest Miss Sweet Tart and place her under confinement.”
That… that he had expected her to say, but after reading that medical report... “Princess, there is no way in Tartarus we’d be able to hold her for very long.” He speaks with a flat, hard voice. “We don’t need her in prison, and we don’t need her beyond her initial testimony. She’ll vanish from our records and from our thoughts with that ability of hers, and I am not going to let anypony die of starvation in my custody no matter how screwed up they were.” Celestia puffs up her chest, but Shining Armor isn’t going to let this one fly. “No, Princess. I wouldn't do that to anypony, and neither would you. Not to Sombra, not to Chrysalis, not to anypony. And if you order me to do any such thing, I will resign my commission in protest. Publicly.” He slams his hoof into the floor, making every single guard present jump in surprise.
And the Princess stares at him in shock. He has to drive this home now, before this turned into a full-on inquisition like Luna seems to want. “Princess, she has fully co-operated with us. I will agree she needs to be held accountable for her actions, and I have a feeling she’ll have no issue with that. But we need to put her to work helping us fix this mess, not put her in a jail cell. That’d be tantamount to a death sentence, and that I will not carry out on her.” He huffs a breath. “Too many ponies have been hurt because of this, Princess. Somepony’s got to put a stop to it.”
Princess Celestia falls silent for a moment, then sighs. “You… you are right, Prince Armor. ” She shakes her head firmly. “You are to arrest her immediately. She will be placed under Princess Luna’s custody, and my sister will ensure that she is put to useful work. Whatever further testimony she has to give shall be given directly to Luna.” She brings her head up and closes her eyes, nodding resolutely. “I shall allow this young child to provide her testimony to the court, however, I insist to be present to ensure that she is not unduly distressed.”
He exhales, then nods. “I’ll need a pair of royal guards to serve out the warrant, Ma’am.”
~~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse ~~~~~
“Prince Armor, what is the meaning of this?” Princess Luna stood up, looking astonished as Prince Shining Armor shoved open the doors and walked into the courtroom, flanked by his sister and a pair of royal guards. The chambers fell silent, with Sweet Tart turning around as if she’d been expecting them all along. She had a sad and determined look on her face, but she was every inch the professional she had been during her testimony.
“Serving a warrant, Princess.” The Prince said in a hard, no nonsense voice. “Orders directly from Celestia. Miss Sweet Tart?” The defendant nodded at him, as though she’d been expecting this all along. “By order of the Crown of Equestria, I am placing you under arrest in relation to the crimes of the New Life Placement Agency. Please turn around.”
“Prince Armor, this is highly unorthodox!” Judge Rock yelled, smacking his gavel into the lectern.
Sweet Tart turned around and offered her hooves for cuffing. “My offer stands, Princess, Judge Rock, Prosecutor. I would suggest you consider it carefully.” She said, her voice still as crisp and perfect. Prince Armor hoofcuffed her, and she did not even pretend to resist.
“You can discuss that with the Princess herself.” Prince Armor said roughly, “You’re being remanded to Princess Luna’s custody and the custody of the Night Guard until such time as formal charges are to be filed. You have the right to remain silent.” The Prince began, going into the rote of her Legal Rights as he led her out of the courtroom.
I could not resist. I followed them into the hall, where a curious scene happened. A scene I will never quite forget. “NO! LEMONY!!” screamed a familiar, still bouncy voice from one of the hallways. Somehow, Golden Apple had escaped her cell. She ran down the hallway, barrelling past the Royal Guard with no concern for her physical safety. They tried to stop her, but whatever magical strength or will drove the poor creature was too much even for them.
Bowling both guards over, she ran to Sweet Tart and embraced her firmly. “You can’t take Lemony away! She’ll be lonely! She needs somepony to look after her!” She yelled in a voice full of anguished sobs at Prince Armor. Princess Twilight stood staring in astonishment at her, even as Golden Apple held on ever more tightly. “Please! I promise I’ll be good, I promise I won’t do anything stupid, but you can’t send her off all on her own!”
For a single moment, I was certain that Prince Armor would forcibly separate the pair of them. Then Princess Luna strode out of the courtroom like a dark titan, her eyes ablaze. “I shall take them both into custody, Prince Armor.” She growled like a dragon, shoving him away with a push of blue magic. “Since it has become clear that somepony has to take responsibility for them.”
Then she turned to Princess Twilight, speaking softly. “If you would please assist me, Twilight. I would have words with you about your friends.” Then she turned to Sweet Tart, still hoofcuffed, and Golden Apple, still clinging. And in her eyes, I could see nothing but pity and gentle concern for those two ponies. “There is apparently much I shall need to discuss with them as well,” she said in a whisper.
As the four ponies walked slowly down the hallway, with Golden Apple still clinging to Sweet Tart and whispering reassurances to ‘Her Lemony’ I was struck by the enormity of the tragedy that now lay before me. These two poor ponies had at least had enough of their minds to know who loved them and who did not. They at least had the sense to understand the world around them still, if only through their own unique filters.
What had become of the rest of them, though? As it turned out, I was going to find out at the next Inquiry, when a young unicorn filly who went by the name ‘Swizzle Stick’ would mount the stand and change the tenor of this case from merely tragic to outright horrifying.
-Reporter Double Scoop, from The Equestria Times. “Excerpt from “The New Life Placement Agency - The Rise and Fall of the Case of the Century.”
Author's Note
The next chapter will be out a day late, on August the 1st, due to RL needs.
Case #0047, Part 1 - Swizzle Stick
~~~~~Four Days Later ~~~~~
Canterlot Guard Report #402113
Detective Rich Tracer, Lead Investigator,
Re: The Lower Quarter Foals
Upon receiving information re: the foals involved in Crown V. NLPA, I immediately began my investigation with the orphanage. The subject of orphaned foals in Equestria has often been a contentious one, since its extremely rare to find them outside of the big cities or in particular communities where the work is dangerous and lucrative. The one notable exception is Ponyville, where an unknown Unicorn opened one to give Canterlot and Cloudsdale orphans a ‘second option’ outside of the big cities he believed were a corruptive influence some four hundred years ago.
Whatever. The orphanage in question is Our Lady of the Sun, and it’s got a solid enough reputation around town. Most ponies aware of them seem to think they’re a decent place. The director’s name is Charity Heart, and I was surprised to find out she owns and helps operate several other such institutions all over Equestria. During my interview with her, she indicated the group of foals had always been something of a unit. They came in together, heartbreakingly already the victims of one major tragedy: The Silverfels Mine collapse, about seven years ago.
Most ponies called them the Silver Squad, at least around the Orphanage and the surrounding neighborhood. Seventeen ponies in total, led by a unicorn named… You guessed it, Wind Seeker. That little filly was the daughter of the mine manager, and she was basically in charge of keeping that lot in line for the Orphanage. Miss Charity informed me that they were usually very well behaved, but very ambitious for young foals. They’d already undertaken a number of other adventures before things at NLPA.
She provided us with a list of their names and some bare physical descriptions and a ‘class photograph’ taken from when they all entered secondary school this year. Only Wind Seeker had her Cutie Mark according to what I can deduce, but there’s not much detail in what she could give me. My investigations took me to South Low Quarter Middleschool where the photo had been taken, but I couldn’t get much. They haven’t actually attended classes there yet, the photo having been taken as something of a tradition when a new class ‘arrives’.
Lacking further information, I decided my best choice of further investigations would have to be the filly herself. I asked to give her an interview, and after a brief consultation with Prince Armor was granted about thirty minutes to get what I could. The Princess has apparently taken a personal interest in this filly, so I needed to be low key.
Wind Seeker is a unicorn filly who prefers to go by the name ‘Swizzle Stick’ these days for reasons I don’t comprehend. Mostly because she wouldn’t tell me and her cutie mark didn’t give me any hints. She’s got a bright blue coat and pretty, red hued eyes, and a cyan mane that compliments her coat. During our conversation, I was struck with how surprisingly intelligent she was for a filly of her age. Even out of uniform, she knew I was a Detective from the moment I walked into the room with her.
She wasn’t a fan of the Equestrian Guard, and treated me with only the barest measure of respect. But she was perfectly willing to talk to me about her friends and how they got into this mess. The one thing she wasn’t willing to discuss was where her friends had went, and where they were now. She said that was a secret, and she didn’t tattle.
Overall, my impressions are that this really was just a bad series of unfortunate circumstances. Wind Seeker is the kind of bullheaded, strong-willed pony that isn’t about to listen to her elders on the subject of pretty much anything. I advise the courts to avoid any strong-hoof tactics with her, and instead suggest playing to her ego which is rather considerable.
As to her condition… I’m afraid nothing manifested itself in front of me, but that was certainly the case with Sweet Tart too. But she does insist that she drank the ‘funny tasting sodapop’ she found in Fizzy’s labs, and so did all of her friends. She further insists that they’ve all got ‘better lives’ now, so why are all the adults complaining? Again, I recommend the court does not call her motivations or personal beliefs into question or she might shut down in the middle of her testimony. Given there are only two ponies who we can find who know what happened to these kids, we can’t afford to take chances.
I’m continuing my investigations into how these kids came to find out about what was going on in NLPA. A name has emerged in my questioning, that of “Mr. Diggs.” While I have only limited information at this time, I will be pursuing further information as the trial continues.
Detective Rich Tracer, 4th day of Summer’s Waning
~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse ~~~~
Lunaris Inquiry Session #2 Case File: The Crown V. New Life Placement Agency (Re: Lady Elegant, Quill Tip, Golden Apple, Fizzy Pop) Judge Rock presiding, Princess Luna advising, Princess Celestia observing. Atny Disaster Chaser present Prosecutor Dark Coffee Present No Defendants present Court Reporter - Double Scoop, Equestria Times Court Transcriber - Kwerty Davorak Witnesses Present: Wind Seeker (AKA Swizzle Stick), Detective Rich Tracer.
Princess Luna - We call this… Inquiry! Into the actions of Lady Elegant and her conspirators to order!
Judge Rock - Thank you, Princess Luna. Princess Celestia. We will try to keep this brief, but I make no promises depending on what information this witness might have for us.
Princess Celestia - I understand, your Honor. I am merely here to ensure the filly is not unduly pressured given what she’s been through.
Judge Rock - So noted, Princess. Prosecutor Coffee, has the witness been prepared for the courtroom environment?
Prosecutor Coffee - She’s been ground as carefully as a pony could ask for in their cup, your honor. She’ll percolate just fine, don’t you worry. Gonna be a steamer of a testimony, though.
Judge Rock - Er… Right. Thank you, Prosecutor. Attorney Chaser, do your clients have any requests of the court thus far?
Attorney Chaser - My clients have been singularly uncommunicative with me lately, your Honor. I’ve carried out their instructions as best as I can, but they have so far made no requests of the court directly. However, I have been asked to read a statement from Lady Elegant regarding the next witness.
Judge Rock - So noted, Attorney. You may present your statement.
Attorney Chaser - Ahem. ‘The New Life Placement Agency has a strict, no underage ponies policy in regards to its special New Life treatments. During multiple occasions, we refused service to ponies of an age less than the laws of consent as per Canterlot law. As required, we also reported these incidents to our local guard precinct. I wish it to be made known that, as well as complying with all local laws in regards to such activity, I myself personally worked to ensure that nopony incapable of giving consent was allowed to partake of our services intentionally.’
Judge Rock - Intentionally , Mister Chaser?
Attorney Chaser - Her words, your honor. I was further instructed to make it clear that the Agency did not pursue any legal action against the perpetrators of the alleged break-in of her facility, although she did inform the proper authorities of the incident at the time.
Judge Rock - I see. Detective Tracer, do we have any records of these reports the Defense is speaking of?
Detective Rich Tracer - Uh… Actually, your honor, this is the first I’ve heard of it. But it’s possible those reports just got lost in the shuffle. We’ve been dealing with a lot of paperwork regarding that address lately. Gimme a minute, I’ll ask one of the Guards to do a run and see if it just got buried under something.
Judge Rock - Thank you, Detective. At this time, this court holds no opinion as to the veracity of the Defense’s claims. With that being said, we are going to proceed to today’s witness assuming that no further business needs addressed.
Attorney Chaser - I’ve executed my instructions as requested, your Honor.
Judge Rock - Then we shall proceed. This court calls Wind Chaser to the stand!
Double Scoop Notes: The doors to the Inquiry chamber open, and I need to move up a bit to get a good look at todays witness. Wind Chaser is a… I want to say filly foal, but that’s not exactly right. She looks like she’s barely past thirteen if that, but there’s a look in her eyes that feels way older. She’s got a very light gray coat and a mane that looks like she’s been dipping it in rainbow juice. A riot of colors and mismatched tones that gives her a vibrant look and a big smile. She comes dangerously close to being adorable. She walks with the kind of self confidence you only learn when dealing with tough ponies on the streets. Its all swagger, intended to tell anypony with an axe to grind to think twice about stepping in.
Wind Chaser - Yo, Judge. Th’ names Swizzle Stick, ya savvy?
Judge Rock - Er, beg your pardon?
Wind Chaser - Sweh-zuhl Steek. I don’t go by my ol’ name nummore. Too depressing.
Princess Celestia - This is fine, your Honor. I’ve already spoken to central records about an official name change.
Judge Rock - Well, so long as the legal properties have been observed, I’ve no objections. Mister Chaser? Prosecutor Coffee?
Attorney Chaser - No objections, your Honor.
Prosecutor Coffee - No sugar off my shoulders.
Judge Rock - Very well, let the record reflect that the witness shall be referred to henceforth as ‘Swizzle Stick’. Miss Swizzle Stick, you have this court’s apology for the misunderstanding.
Double Scoop’s Notes: The filly looks kind of shocked at all this courtesy she’s getting. She also warms up to the judge considerably after this exchange.
Swizzle Stick - No bigs, chief. Paperwork’s a bitch sometimes, yanno?
Judge Rock - All too well, Miss Swizzle. Now, do you know why you’ve been called to testify today?
Swizzle Stick - Sure. The lawyer over there told me you wanted me to tell you about what I did for Elegant and her fucked up crew. Then my Doc wanted me to tell ya more about how I ended up like this.
Judge Rock - What do you mean, ‘like this’?
Swizzle Stick - Ah, shit. Nopony told you? I uh… I’m supposed to have just turned nineteen boss. And I used to be considerably less cute than this.
Judge Rock - Great scott, you were de-aged?
Swizzle Stick - My doc says the proper term is ‘regressed’, but yeah. That’s the skinny of it. One day I was about t’ join the world of other poor fucks in Canterlot tryin’ to scrape out a livin’ without any help from the Orphanage, an’ the next I’m this tight little filly with an ass and cunt that won’t quit an’ a tongue you can’t hardly believe carryin’ me into the high life.
Double Scoop Notes: There’s a moment of shock at this statement from this obvious child. But there’s a look of resignation on Princess Celestia’s face that tells me this isn’t any kind of story or delusion. The shocked silence carried for a moment, before the Judge finally speaks up.
Judge Rock - I think we need to hear this story in full, Miss Swizzle. Would you be so kind as to tell us how this happened to you?
Swizzle Stick - Sure thing, pops. Can I get a soda, though? It’s gonna be thirsty work to cover all that ground.
Princess Celestia - I’ll fetch her one. Any flavor you’d prefer?
Swizzle Stick - Lemon, please. Anyway. Well, I suppose I don’t need to give you my life story, yeah? It’s all ponyfeathers anyway. You want to hear about how I ended up like this, so let’s cut to the chase. How did me and my crew end up in this wreck? Well, that’s… that’s tough, fillies.
I took care of my crew, you hear? We kept it together out there, and come Discord or Tartarus we managed to keep everypony goin’. We looked after one another, made sure we all had enough to eat and time to play and have fun, all that jazz. I was ten when the mine went down on Poppa’s head and took our whole frakkin’ town with it. Nine years, you hear? Nine. Years. Of taking care of all those fillies n’ colts. Miss Charity helped, yeah, and I won’t say I coulda done it without her, but…
Ergh. Okay. It’s not her fault. It’s not anypony’s fault but mine. I owe Miss Charity so much that sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to pay her back for what she did for us, okay? It’s… it’s tough sayin’ it though. She got us through, gave us a home and food and made sure nopony among us was ever scared of losin’ what we had left. But I was gettin’ older, an’ it was gettin’ time for me to saddle up and move out. I coulda stayed on, but even I’ll admit I wouldn’ta been happy there.
It’s tough to explain it. Those little shits… they’re my family, you hear? Lily, an’ Cosmo, an’ Big Sparkler, an li’l Donut. An’ all the rest of em, they’re the only family I got left. When Miss Charity told me it was gettin’ time for me to head out, I didn’t know what to do, yanno? I couldn’t just leave my family behind. An’ there was no way in buck I was gonna be able to stay in Canterlot. I had a few bits, sure, so maybe I coulda scraped something out, but If I wanted any hope of havin’ a real life, I’d have to go someplace else. Miss Charity offered me work at her place in Manehatten, but… But I’d never see my crew again if I did that, an’ I knew it.
So I started tryin’ to figure out a way to stay. Didn’t think it’d be that hard, y’know? I was clever, fast, strong enough with my magic, and I had plenty of tricks. I figured If I couldn’t stay in Canterlot as a legit pony, I’d steal my way to the top. I learned how to pick locks an’ climb like a pegasus. Filched some special shoes to help me do just that, too. I got good at picking locks, and I thought I was gonna have it made when I got nobbled for the first time.
Uh… Nobbled’s thieves cant, fer all y’all straights. It means I got caught with somethin’ I shouldn’ta had in my pockets. Well, the guard hauled me in an’ took a look at me and gave me this really pompous speech about doin’ the right thing and havin’ a real job an’ all that bullpucky. I told him I came from the Orphanage an’ he shut up right fast about it, and I swear I ain’t ever seen somepony look at me with so much pity. It pissed me right the freck off, but… well, he let me go. Told me to stay clean, an’ he wouldn’t file a report on me. Said if I got caught again, he’d have to put me in the Prison and then I’d be bucked.
Sometimes I wonder what might’a happened if I hadn’t gotten caught that day. I never might’a walked past that office building, since it was way off my usual beaten path. Might never have seen that poor slob of a stallion walk inside, lookin’ all eager. See, that’s what caught my eye. I’d been thinkin’ of taking up other jobs, stuff that didn’t need me to steal. I knew the papers loved a good saucy story every so often, an’ after a minute I had a thought. I wasn’t expected back for a coupla’ hours, why shouldn’t I see if there might be somethin’ to this? It was an office, late in the day, an’ there was no reason any normal pony would be sneakin’ into a place like that unless he was up to somethin.
So I stuck around. I climbed up the side of the building and then found an open window. I snuck inside and… I heard him talkin’ to the unicorn Lady. He was askin’ about his ‘order’ an’ when it’d be ready. I was a little disappointed at first, figuring that maybe this colt was just some kinda workaholic… then…
Fuck, I can even remember her sayin’ it. “It’s ready today, sir. A mere drink and a few hours, and you’ll be a new stallion.” An’ I did a double take. Was this some kinda scam? Modder house, maybe? Some kinda’ surgical thing?
Judge Rock - I do beg your pardon, Miss Swizzle, but… Modder House?
Swizzle stick - Oh, sorry, pops. Heh, you ain’t spent much time in the Waif’s Quarter have ya? A modder house is where shady-ass Unicorns do illegal body modification magic. Usually stuff like dick enlargments, or wing sensitivity, or sometimes… Sometimes the darker shit, like organ replacements that ain’t strictly on the level. Those last ones don’t tend to last long, though, and this place was sure as shootin not in the right neighborhood for it.
But there’s rewards for reportin’ places like that, an’ I figured maybe I could get the Guard to give me a pass if I did the good citizen thing. I needed proof though, so I stayed quiet an’ waited till they went downstairs. I followed em to the lab, an’ the creepy fuckin’ unicorn stallion in the labcoat was just startin’ to ramp up his business. He had a whole fuckin’ cauldron of the stuff waitin’, and he dosed it out to the slob. Slob thought he was gettin’ the hoof-made stuff too, the poor bastid.
Anywho, I’m sittin’ just out of sight on a divider wall, an’ what I see scares the piss out of me at first. This stallion hits the ground and he’s moanin an’ groanin’ like he just got fed poison. Then… He goes all still, an’ I’m scared shitless. For about, like, three seconds? I think I just witnessed a fuckin’ murder an’ I’m about ready to run for my life when he starts convulsin’ all over the bloody place an his body’s changin’ right in front of my eyes.
By the time it’s over, he ain’t half bad lookin’. He’s no Fancy Pants, ya hear, but he’s gone from bein’ a two to about a solid seven, an’ he’s got a pretty good bounce to his step if ya take my meaning. He looks super stoked about it, an’ hoofs over a sack fulla bits, and is gone a few minutes later. I’m stone shocked, you hear me? The kinda look he had, you’da had to pay biiig bits at Canterlot General for it, and even then you need to go through the fuckin’ paperwork which takes a year or somethin’. I was intrigued, heck, I was innerested!
So I hung out there for another hour, but she didn’t get nummore customers. I needed to see more. I needed to make sure this wasn’t some kinda custom job, you know? So I kept going back. Kept sneakin’ in every night to that place to try and find out what the secret was. I snuck outta bed, I snuck out durin’ the day, I dodged everything but the basics I needed to stay upright n’ breathin. I saw all sorts of shit goin’ down there. Everything under the fuckin’ sun. Ponies changed into new ponies, ponies with new skills and abilities, I even saw a cutie-mark or two change! I knew I was on to somethin’ big, but every time I tried to get a hold of the Doc’s stuff, it wasn’t ready yet. I wanted t’ sell his formula, but the creepy fuck never wrote it down. I couldn’t steal it, I couldn’t hack it, so… I figured I had to drink it.
It was pretty simple math, you savvy? Everypony I spied on had come in wantin’ something specific. Well, I knew what I freakin’ wanted. I wanted all the skill an’ gumption I’d need to stay with my family, so I’d never have to leave any of em behind. Seemed simple enough, yeah? Just me an’ a quick drink of the Doc’s special stuff, an I’d be out before you could say Skip-to-my-loo. Yeah, reaaaaal simple plan. Course, I had to open my fuckin’ gob an’ send all of this straight down to Nightmare Moon’s basement.
~~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~~
Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #40
“- I saw them this morning.”
Princess Twilight’s voice cuts in at the start of the recording, sounding very quiet.
“It was like the past month hadn’t even happened. Rarity was all smiles and hugs, and Fluttershy… Celestia save me, Detective. I’ve never seen Fluttershy so… so social. She spoke in a normal tone of voice. No whispering at all! She was bright and cheery, and she made juice and muffins for me. Wanted to know how the trial was going, and what had happened to some of the other victims. They both wanted to help, so I told Princess Cadence to bring over Daisybloom and Dry Mix.”
The Princess thumps into a chair, and the rustling of feathers white’s out the recording for a moment until…
“- They’ve got them set up in this little apartment with all the amenities they could want. Rarity’s a little peeved at the lack of space, but she’s sewing away like nothing’s happened even with all the changes to her… herself. Even Sweetie Belle didn’t seem to much care! I mean, If it wasn’t for… for..”
Princess Twilight’s voice breaks here, and a sigh from Detective Tracer nearly covers it up.
“Grab a seat, kiddo. Sheesh, I’m calling yet another Princess a kiddo. HAH! No wonder I never got promoted.”
Scraping of wood over wood, chairs shuffled across the floor. The sound of pouring liquid and a smack of a bowl on the desk.
“Have a potato chip and a drink. Look, I’ve worked this job forever, aright? I’ve seen it all. Especially the stuff they never report on in the papers, cuz they like bein’ family friendly and that sells more rags. Lemmie tell ya somethin they won’t tell ya at the hospital. It never gets any easier. “
Princess Twilight coughs a little, probably around her soda.
“What? But… I’d thought…”
The Detective laughs.
“I’m serious, kid. It don’t get easier. It becomes normal. Look, I had a partner way back when I first got started back in medieval times, heh. Handsome fuckin’ stallion, coulda given your brother a run for his money in looks an’ in ass-kickery. Nopony knew more about long-distance restraint spells than he did. Couldn’t pry the mares offa him with a crowbar, and he had this stupid dopey grin that pissed everyone off cuz it made all the girls sigh happily. Two weeks into my time on the force, an’ we run into this nasty band of spell runners.”
The sound of a deep inhalation - likely Detective Tracer smoking in the precinct again.
“They were sellin’ illegal fire weapons to some mobsters in Manehatten, back before Princess Celestia finally decided enough was enough, cracked down and brought in the Royal Guard on em. Anyway, we’re in the middle of the bust when one of the perps loses his fuckin mind and fires off one of the weapons at me. I coulda sworn my goose was cooked when my partner shoved me right out of the way and took it in the face, full blast. Never did figure out how he fuckin’ survived that, but by Celestia he did.”
“Took em months of healing before they put him back on the force, an’ when he did come back he was pug-fuckin’ ugly. But you know what hadn’t changed? He hadn’t lost that dopey grin. He kept sayin’ he musta been like a marshmallow since he only got sweeter with the heat, the mad bastard. He was never the same pony after that, an’ it took him a long time to get his swagger back, but…”
Princess Twilight sighs softly, and the sound of something thumping into the desk. She speaks quietly, sadly.
“But right down inside, he was still the same pony. And eventually, you learned to ignore the changes, right?”
A moment of silence, then the Princess speaks again.
“Thanks, Detective. I’ll try to remember that.”
A rough chuckle, interspersed with a faint cough.
‘“Kiddo, you don’t need to remember shit. You just needed somepony to remind you ‘bout shit ya already know. Now, we got work to do. The Princesses want us to interrogate Miz Tart, see if we can’t separate the wheat from the chaff on what she knows.”
Case #0047, Part 2 - Swizzle Stick
~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse ~~~~
Swizzle Stick - Okay. I need to calm the buck down. Okay. Rule number one bout secret plans? Don’t fuckin’ tell anypony else unless ya feel like it not bein’ a secret anymore! I swear t’ Celestia, I try to make sure the Crew knows what t’ do if I don’t come back an’ they take it as some kinda holy quest.
Alright, so yeah, I told my colts and fillies what I was up to. I figgered once I chugged some of that potion somethin’ weird might happen, so I’d better be safe about things. Where I was goin’, what I was doin, an’ what guards to go get if I went dark. Which was… kinda a mistake, ya dig? Like, my kids are usually pretty well behaved but they can get some weird fuckin’ ideas into their heads sometimes, and they basically figured that I was makin’ some big sacrifice to try an’ keep the family together and decided I needed some backup.
Ugh.
See, I was the oldest foal back home before we all ended up without parents so I sort’ve ended up in charge by default. It took a coupla weeks to get us all sorted while the world figured out what happened, so I got kinda used to taking care of em. When Miss Charity took us in, I kept up with that cuz… well, cuz I didn’t know what else to do yanno? So every time I did somethin’ not strictly safe, I always felt like I had to make sure they knew what was up. They had to know what to do, since they had always been lookin’ to me to keep em together.
I should’a known they’d come after me, but I’d been so friggin sure they’d listen when I told em it was serious… URGH! Okay, okay, okay… so, this is how it went down. I snuck out of the orphanage just past moon-height. The moon was on the wane, so It was pretty dark outside and all the patrol guards were using lanterns. That’s how I got where I was goin’, savvy? Guards are trained to swing their lanterns about, but most patrol guards near my neighborhood just wanna get home from their shift. So they keep em straight n’ narrow an’ walk quicklike. If you’re careful, you can follow along in the shadows the lanterns throw out.
I didn’t realize how much company I had till I got to the damn shop when one of the unicorn colts… I think it was Roper that accidentally hoofed over a pile of junk on the curbside. They tried hidin’ in the alley, but I knew their frellin’ tricks. When I finally rooted em all out, I was panicked. It was darn near every single one of ‘em, or at least all the older ones. They was diggin’ their hooves into the dirt n’ lookin at me with them big eyes and… fuck.
I don’t…
It wasn’t s’posed to be like this. Fuck. I need t’ speak to the judge in private.
~~~~Judge’s Chambers ~~~~
Judge Rock’s Notes - Miss Swizzle Stick looks like she’s extremely frustrated as she enters my chambers alone, drinking her soda.
Judge Rock - What can this court do for you, Miss Swizzle Stick?
Swizzle Stick - Jes’ Swizzle to you, pops. You’re alright.
She looks anxious at first, then her face firms up.
Swizzle Stick - I don’t wanna talk about the rest of my crew. In fact, I want to not bring em up at all beyond sayin shit went down. I’m only here t’ talk about myself, and my story. All the rest ain’t nopony else’s business.
Judge Rock - That is a rather vital bit of evidence, Swizzle. May I ask why you’d wish to withhold it?
Swizzle Stick - Cuz they all moved on to better lives, pops. They got out of this an’ I don’t want em dragged back in because of me. I’ll keep testifyin’ but I want your word I ain’t gonna be pressured into talkin’ about my crew.
Judge Rock - Hm. Very well. I will not press this matter within my court room. However, I cannot promise that any future investigations or inquiries will not ask you those questions, and possibly with far greater stakes involved.
Swizzle Stick - I dig it, pops. I dig it. Now lets go settle this shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge Rock - Court is now reconvened! Miss Swizzle Stick, please proceed with your testimony.
Swizzle stick - Yeah, you got it pops.
Okay. So. We went in to the shop and we stole a bunch of the stuff the Doc had already mixed up, and we amscrayed. Breakin’ in wasn’t even hard, I don’t think anypony had figured somepony would try to break into an office like that. Not before we did, at least. I wanted to drink it on the spot, but I had to get the trolls home. So… So I did. I took em back, an’ they all scattered or split off into little groups. I had no buckin’ clue what was gonna happen to ‘em. I didn’t know what was gonna happen to me but I’d come too far by that point.
I chugged it. I don’t much remember the flavor. I don’t much remember much of anythin’ beyond passin out about two seconds later. When I came to, it was morning. The entire Orphanage was… well, it wasn’t pretty. It was a wreck, stem to stern. I ain’t here to talk about what I did to clean that mess up, an I’m gonna ignore anypony that tries to ask. I’m here to talk about what I did next once that bullpucky was sorted out.
And what I did next was look my happy flank in a mirror, and I saw what you see before ya. Me, straight outta puberty and ten times fuckin hotter. I couldn’t believe my eyes. So I figured I’d see if anything else was different, and sure enough I was as nimble and flexible as a fraggin’ acrobat. Course, I had problems up the wazoo… namely that my crew was in rough shape. I needed bits, I needed ‘em fast, and I didn’t have a lot of options as a little un’. But I did have one option I knew would be huge right off, and so that’s what I went for.
Ya’ll don’t need to be lookin’ at me like that. Yeah, I whored. I did it for myself, an’ for my crew, an I did it cuz I wanted to do it. Best way to make bits in Canterlot if yer not some fuckoff noble, an since I was a petit little unicorn thang’ that looked like I stepped outta some colts wet dreams it was even easier. Plenty of foalophiles out there who’ll happily lay down a sack or two to get their rocks off without worryin about somepony runnin’ to the guard, and it ain’t like I was the only one on my crew to go out and do it.
… What? What’re y’all lookin’ at me like that for?
Oh. I get it. You folks don’t get the real world. Okay. Let me lay it out for ya.
~~~~~~~~
Initial Medical Report: Dr. House Call, Dr. Cassock, Dr. Lumination, Dr. Wile E as attending physicians. Regarding Patient: Swizzle Stick Case Subject #00221, “Extreme Reality Warping” To: Princesses Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Luna, Cadence and Prince Armor Dr. Lumination as transcriber.
Swizzle Stick is the most unique of all the confirmed cases we have thus far observed. Her body appears, to all indications, to have undergone a form of age-regression. Our records show she is supposed to be around the age of nineteen to twenty, though specifics are not available. However, to all indications, she appears to be only a mere twelve years of age. Her body is similar in development to a filly of such an age, with a few key differences in the development of her nervous system and her brain, both of which appear to have maintained their maturity to some degree.
More remarkably, her body appears to be in stasis. We performed several experiments on MIss Swizzle Stick, with her consent, by exposing her to several patients who were contagious with things such as the flu, ponypox, and Horn Ache (Which I should note, is predominantly a magical condition.) in order to assess if her immune system had become less strong due to her regression. While she did show the initial signs of infection, within twelve hours all such signs had vanished completely. Blood tests showed no sign of antibodies or even of the diseases themselves.
Intrigued, we performed a second test, this time giving the patient a mild dose of Sun Dust. A notable alchemical narcotic used primarily as a recreational drug, traces of the dust and its effects usually last for up to three days should the mixture be pure enough. However, Miss Swizzle immediately ceased showing all signs of the drug after twelve hours had passed. Even a thorough alchemical examination of her blood showed no signs of the Sun Dust residue.
It is at this moment that Dr. House called a halt to all further experimentation until such time as we could verify what was causing this occurrence. After two weeks of close examination, we were only able to come to a single conclusion: Every twelve hours, the patient’s body ‘resets’ itself. The patient retains all memories as far as we can tell, but all physical signs of the previous twelve hours vanish instantly. This includes, but is not limited to, the presence of food in her stomach, alcohol in her blood, the presence of any drugs or physical effects of drugs, any physical wound or deformity, her need to sleep, and so forth. She may very well embody the concept of indestructibility and immortality rolled into one, but we are unwilling to press those concepts at this time.
However, far more relevant at this juncture are two facts. The first is that the patient will never be able to grow older than her current state, and the second is that the patient will never be able to engage in any activity that alters her physical form in any way. Including spells which might change her physical form, or given that she is female, becoming pregnant.
While there undoubtedly are those who would envy her this condition, and the Patient remains young enough to not be unduly bothered by it at this time, this medical team strongly suggests that Miss Swizzle be placed under immediate psychological monitoring for the foreseeable future. While one of our Princesses would undoubtedly be the most logical of choices, we understand the limits on their time.
Indeed, it is this more than anything which now concerns us about her status. Her mental health and self-confidence is based nearly entirely on her position as the de-facto matriarch of her extended 'family'. Without a doubt, she does not yet quite comprehend what the meaning 'forever' can imply to this end. While we do not know the state or current condition of the remaining fillies and colts she is apparently trying to protect with her silence, we remain confident that Swizzle Stick may be only one of a scant dozen or so ponies amongst the affected victims to have been blessed and cursed with this level of condition. (See Patient Rarity B., Pg 8.)
It is vital that some form of continuity in her life be established for her as early as possible, given that her now 'eternal youth' will preclude her from nearly every facet of adult society without special considerations established. And, though I do not believe she yet realizes it, will sooner or later divest her of the family she so deeply loves.
~~~~~~~~~
Swizzle Stick - Yeah, I’m stuck like this, pretty much forever. Near as I can tell, I got the physical skills to be a master thief too. I can pick locks in seconds, I can break into any building I want to, take anything I want to. I’m small enough and fast enough that I can outrun anypony but a Wonderbolt. I could be uncatchable, untraceable, impossible to stop.
But I thought about doin that for alla five seconds, and then I realized somethin. I could make myself just as rich, if not richer, by sellin my tail and havin’ a good time doin it. And I wouldn’t hafta be on the run from the Guard for the rest of my life. I set the terms, I set the pricing, I choose my colts. And anypony tries to get clever with me? They ain’t invented the rope and cuffs that can hold me now. Only one dumbass tried that, and after I set the Guard on him, I took all his stuff too. Sends a message that most ponies get.
Look, I ain’t gonna say I’m entirely happy, aight? I’m not. I’ve got issues comin’ out of my ears an’ sometimes the job ain’t fun at all. But it’s a job, it ain’t supposed t’ be fun all the time. It brings in the bits, and helps me take care of my crew. Girl can’t ask for more ‘n that.
Life’s not easy, everypony. No matter what some folks tell you, there’s always gonna be a few who fall through the cracks. I lost my mom, my dad, and two of my brothers when th’ Mine went down. I was a little’un, an all of a sudden I didn’t have diddly squat to my name. I ain’t gonna feed you a sob story, cuz that isn’t how I roll. I got through it. I miss em, just like I miss my Crew. I gambled big and I lost just as big, but I’m still here an’ I still got a life. I still got a family, even if they all gotta be elsewhere.
Yeah, maybe I’m just ridin’ a high with this new me. Maybe I don’t get how bad it’s gonna be years down the line, but I’ll deal with that horsepucky when I get to it. I’m tough. I’ve been through worse, so I’ll manage.
There. That enough for you? I got work to get to doin’ an it ain’t gettin done with me sittin’ here.
Judge Rock - … I think so, Miss Swizzle Stick. Thank you for your time today. Please inform the Bailiff if there is anything more we can do for you before you go.
Swizzle Stick - No problem, yer baldness. Catch’ya on the flipside.
~~~~~~~~~~
She walked out of the courtroom, head held high. Silence reigned in her wake, and the door shut behind her. Unlike the previous days of the Inquiry, there was no dramatic finish to the days proceedings. No sudden emotional outburst, no new truths revealed. Just the stark horror of what had happened to these poor souls laid bare before us. While Swizzle Stick showed incredible strength and resilience, we could not help but be struck dumb by the circumstance she now found herself in.
Twenty young lives destroyed. Twenty fillies and colts, nineteen of which we knew nothing about, wrecked because two unicorns who would not help but meddle in things which they were never meant to touch.
The Judge quietly called an end to the days proceedings, and retired alone to his chambers. Whatever might have been going through his mind, I do not know. Nor could I decipher what was surging through the mind of Disaster Chaser or Dark Coffee as they quietly took their leave. It was not for another ten minutes that I realized that I was now alone in the chamber with a quietly brooding Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. In their faces, I could see the torment of our monarchs as they faced a grim decision indeed.
In a mere two weeks, the world had been turned upside down. Even I could not imagine how something like this case could be brought to a formal trial. It would be a circus of dizzying proportions. Undoubtedly countless counter-charges would be levelled across the table, dozens of innocents and guilty alike caught in the crossfire. With even the merest mismanagement of the narrative, Canterlot itself might be torn apart in the conflict.
Without a doubt, Swizzle Stick and her crew were both victims and villains by the vicissitudes of Fate. Yet what could we do to them? Undoubtedly, Elegant would seek to have them charged alongside her. Undoubtedly, whatever tragedies that Swizzle Stick was seeking to hide from the world would be quickly dragged into the light. And as certain as the day was long, Elegant would use that horror show to try and negotiate her way out of the noose.
By the time I came to my senses and stood, Princess Celestia stood nearby. “It’s all gone quite wrong, hasn’t it?” She asked me quietly, a look of distant loss in her eyes. “I do not know what we should do now.” She continued, not waiting for an answer from me.
In truth. I did not know either. And in fact, the choice would quickly be taken from us by the events that would occur two days later.
-Reporter Double Scoops, for the Equestria Times. Excerpt from “The New Life Placement Agency - The Rise and Fall of the Case of the Century.”
~~~~Two Days Later, Canterlot High Courthouse ~~~~
Lunaris Inquiry Session #3 Case File: The Crown V. New Life Placement Agency (Re: Lady Elegant, Quill Tip, Golden Apple, Fizzy Pop) Judge Rock presiding, Princess Luna advising Atny Disaster Chaser present Lead Prosecutor White Cravat Present Defendant’s Present: Lady Elegant Court Reporter - Double Scoop, Equestria Times Court Transcriber - Kwerty Davorak Witnesses Present: Detective Rich Tracer, Prince Captain Shining Armor, Dr. House Call
Princess Luna - We call this inquiry into the actions of the New Life Placement Agency to order!
Judge Rock - Thank you, Princess. Mister Chaser, where is your client?
Disaster Chaser - I’m afraid I don’t know, your Honor. She really ought to have arrived by now…
Judge Rock - Prince Armor, do you have an explanation?
Prince Armor - No, your Honor. I had sent two Royal Guards to escort her here, but I haven’t had any word of trouble either.
Judge Rock - This is very odd. Detective Tracer, if you would-
Double Scoop’s Notes - The doors to the courtroom are shoved open and the courtroom fell silent. A single pegasi in the uniform of a royal messenger quickly walks down the aisle and speaks to the judge in a hushed whisper. A few moments later, the messenger leaves just as quickly.
Judge Rock - It appears Lady Elegant elected to try and escape on her way here.
Attorney Chaser WHAT?!
Judge Rock - Fortunately, her attempt was thwarted and she has been re-incarcerated for the time being. Which would leave us at a bit of an impasse, except…
Princess Luna - Except what, Judge Rock?
Judge Rock - It appears as though in addition to Lady Elegant’s escape attempt, we have a further unexpected turn of fate. Miss Rarity Belle has requested permission to approach the bench and provide testimony as to her involvement with the New Life Placement Agency.
Princess Luna - WHAT!?!
Judge Rock - Princess Luna, we will thank you not to use the Royal Canterlot Voice inside of our courtroom. Prosecutor, did you hear of this beforehoof and decide not to consult with me?
Prosecutor Cravat - No, your honor. I am afraid I am quite as surprised as the rest of you are.
Judge Rock - Hm. I see. In light of that, I see no reason to deny Miss Rarity her chance to speak to this Inquiry.
Princess Luna - Your Honor, she is certainly not fit to-!
Judge Rock - I beg your pardon, Princess. But there is one present in this courtroom who is far more qualified to determine that. Doctor House, your opinion?
Dr. House Call - I have no objections, your Honor. Physically, she’s just fine. Mentally… well, I suppose it might be a bit presumptuous of me, but she seems to be more sane than most ponies I’ve met over the course of my work. She hasn’t shown any of the negative signs some of the other patients have shown. I say, if she’s got something to say, let her say it.
Judge Rock - Prince Armor, Detective Tracer. Would her testimony in any way harm your investigation?
Detective Tracer - I can’t see why, yer honor. Maybe her finally goin’ on the record’ll help us figure out what to do ‘bout all these other names. Can’t say yea or nay till I hear it.
Judge Rock - Very well. I am sorry, Princess Luna, but I am bound by rule of law to allow any witness in an investigation to give testimony during an Inquiry. I promise that should she prove unable to handle the weight of her condition that I shall call a halt to the proceedings.
Princess Luna - Hmph… Very well, Judge Rock. But I shall be watching very closely.
Judge Rock - I understand. This court calls Rarity Belle to the stand!
The doors opened to the courtroom, and though little did we know it at the time, the final phase of this Inquiry and indeed this Trial was about to begin. Four royal guards proceeded her, and moments later Rarity Belle, the Element of Generosity entered the courtroom.
Any reporter worth his quill ink knew Rarity, of course. Self made businessmare, fashionista extraordinaire, and close friend to Princess Twilight Sparkle amongst other Canterlot notables. She was the closest thing the Elements of Harmony had to a celebrity amongst their ranks, though Rainbow Dash would certainly have been a close second. Everypony who was anypony in Canterlot or Manehatten knew her and her work in the fashion industry and her dresses were constantly in high demand around the time of the Grand Galloping Gala.
Everypony knew Rarity. The mare who walked through the door, however, was a new mare entirely.
She looked sculpted out of pure white marble. Like some artist’s idea of the perfect female pony, but with a dark twist. Her mane was artfully styled, long and extremely voluminous and it almost… sparkled and shone in the light. Her tail swayed back and forth with every step, and appeared to have a life of her own… and in a way it did. She moved with an impossible liquid grace and a faint smile on her face. And all of this was punctuated by what was oh, so very wrong with her.
That gorgeous mane and tail looked sinuous and alive. When examined closely, one could actually see the “hair” moving and pulsing to the beat of her heart. Her enchanting eyes were slitted like that of a dragon or a changeling, and glowed with an unnatural light. Her hooves looked sharp, and appeared to dig into the floor as she walked.
There was the barest flicker of light, and for a moment she almost looked like sensual ridges had grown down her back, and horns jutted out from around her temples and through her mane behind her head. It looked like beautiful green vines were twisted with luscious flowers up her legs and around her belly and woven into her tail. And a single moment later, all of this strangeness save for her eyes was gone. But those eyes…
Brr. It sends chills down my spine even now.
She mounted the stand and folded her hooves primly. And then, she began to speak.
"Good afternoon, your honor. I think it's well past time we cleared up some.... misconceptions."
-Reporter Double Scoops, The Equestria Times. “The Case of the Century, and how it never came to be.”
Case#[Classified] Part 1 - Rarity
Rarity - I was born Rarity Belle to my loving mother and father in a quaint little suburb of Manehatten I shan’t bother you with naming. My father, bless his old fashioned heart, wanted me to get the same kind of upbringing that he’d gotten from his own parents. So they sold their house and brought me to a place called Ponyville, a little farming community that lived in the shadow of Canterlot.
My mother and father are actually both rather well off, believe it or not. My father having had a remarkably successful acting career, and my mother being a much sought after makeup artiste. They’d met on one of father’s shoots and had spent their lives in quite the whirlwind romance trying to one up the other before finally giving in and getting married shortly before having myself. And ponies wonder where I get it from.
You’ll note that most ponies never use my full name. Once I discovered my special talent as a filly, I decided that ‘Rarity’ was more than enough to convey my fabulousity. Only mother still uses it when addressing me, but I suppose all mothers like to imagine their children as still being young and silly. Still, it’s a reminder of a simpler time for me. A time before I was… well, I suppose that’s getting ahead of myself, now isn’t it?
We all dream as fillies and colts. We dream of the lives we’re going to live, and the adventures we’re going to have in them. We dream of valiant knights and fair maidens, and quite often vice versa do we dream of fair knights and valiant maidens. We dream of besting nefarious creatures of the dark and obtaining treasure and fame, and finally being recognized for the beautiful creatures we all are inside.
Most ponies abandon those dreams, though. They find their special talent, or their special somepony and they are content to settle for the wonders both can provide. Let me stress I find nothing wrong with the simple life much of Equestria enjoys, nor do I judge those who have settled for ‘good enough’ for themselves. They are welcome to their happiness and in a way I envy them their ability to let go of their dreams. It is a talent that, I must confess… I never was quite able to develop myself.
As I grew into my ambitions, I never let go of those fillyhood dreams. Movies, novels, and even the stories my father would tell me about his time in Hollymare inflamed my imagination. I was a beauty amongst unicorns, and I knew it well. So why could I not dream of a prince charming waiting at the end of the rainbow for me? Surely if I were to bring myself forward enough, were I to prove my genius in the realms of creativity and business that I would find my way to the Prince that so surely awaited me.
I grew from filly to stumbling mare, to a graceful and elegant lady of fashion. And every step I took, I turned aside ‘good enough’ with the belief that ‘the best’ was awaiting me at the end of the path. When I took my first job, repairing garments for the local residents and doing little flourishes on commission, I refused several opportunities to work for other well known designers in Manehatten and Baltimare. I was going to make my own way and forge a reputation on my own four hooves, you see. The sparkling lights of Canterlot glimmered in my eyes every night before I went to sleep. There, I thought. There is where I am meant to be.
While many unicorn traditionalists like to say a white coat is a sign of noble blood amongst our race, I was as far from the glimmering lights of high society as one could get. But I knew those heights could be ascended if one had the drive and the will to do so. So I worked tirelessly honing my skills and creative talent, I received my first business loan from Filthy Rich and opened the Carousel Boutique by the time I was old enough to move out of the house.
You’re all wondering what this could possibly have to do with what’s happened to me and Fluttershy, now aren’t you? Well, I’ve been telling you. It all comes back to dreams.
For all of my life, I wanted a Prince. Somepony like in the books, who would treat me like the Lady that I was and be the perfect stallion. As I grew, that vision tarnished a bit as I learned how ponies really are behind closed doors. But still, my hopes were high. Perhaps I could never have true perfection, but I was going to get as close to it as existed. It was here that two very important things happened, and that I met two Princes. One was the prince of my dreams, and one was the prince of my nightmares.
Perhaps I was a trifle naive. Certainly I had allowed decades of dreaming to blind me to the true worth of a pony like Prince Blueblood, and yet never the less I was badly wounded by his behavior at the Gala. For a time, I moped and brooded and felt betrayed by the world. I was supposed to have met my prince charming, not that foppish oaf. But all wounds heal in time, and I began to hope again as a certain Royal Wedding was announced and my own self chosen to play a part in the festivities. Surely there, I thought, my prince would be present. Surely there, I would be able to wow him with my talents. Surely there, I did meet that prince. The only complication was that… well, he was the groom.
Ah, Prince Armor. There is so much I could say about you that so many years of fantasizing would absolutely love to express. But I’ve too much admiration for Princess Cadence and I am far too aware of the bond that holds you together to do so. And it is here, my dearest friends, that the true tragedy of my story now comes into full view. At last I had met my prince charming, and I was far too late to ensnare him for my own. A decade or more too late, should the stories I have since heard be true.
I confess that I fell into a despair that I dare not speak overly much of. I shall not recant to you the story of Trenderhoof, or that disastrous little indiscretion with another close associate. Suffice to say, I could not replace the dream I had held onto for so very long. Even dear little Spike’s attempts, for all of his big heart and sincerity could not satisfy the burning desire within me.To finally be validated in my quest to become the Lady I had always seen myself as being, I needed a prince and there were no princes to be found. Not here, and not elsewhere.
Oh, I searched. You would not believe how far I searched, nor the depths to which I was prepared to sink for that search. I spoke to creatures of every shape and size and temperament, and no answer would present itself for all of my work. The depression became worse, and it became harder to hide it. I began to hold my friends far closer than I had before, for they were the buoy that kept me afloat. But even dear Applejack couldn't…
Ahem.
My apologies. I shouldn’t dwell on the things that cannot be, and could never be in the first place. At any rate, I was not precisely in the best of places when I recieved a message from Fluttershy. She has always been a dear friend, and she wished to unburden herself to somepony who might understand. Obviously, I raced over to speak with her immediately. When I arrived, I found poor Angel Bunny sitting outside the door and looking very concerned. That rabbit never looks concerned for anypony, so the sight of it…
I feared the worst. I ran inside to see my dear friend weeping her heart out. She was surrounded by letters that she’d written and then torn to shreds. She was almost done with another one, and I managed to just barely catch some of the text… It appeared to be some kind of letter of confession to somepony. She stared at it for a full thirty seconds, before noticing me standing there and she tore it to shreds again.
It took me hours to calm her down. She’s never been especially well wound, the poor filly, but right then she was… well, I’ve rarely seen her worse. “It’s all wrong. It’s always all wrong, and I don’t know what to say.” she told me, before dissolving into tears again. It took me nearly till dinner to get sense out of her. And when I finally did…
Well, that’s when the story gets interesting.
~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~
Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #41
The tape is silent for a few moments. Then there is a muttering, and a clear voice speaks. It is Princess Celestia, her voice professional and firm.
“This is Princess Celestia Solaris. I am present with defendant Fizzy Pop and his attorney, Mister Disaster Chaser.”
A brief moment of muttering again, then Disaster Chaser’s voice.
“Princess, my Client has indicated that he’d rather I wasn’t present for this conversation. He’s been duly informed of his right to have me present, and has indicated that he is aware of the possible risks. By your leave?”
Celestia speaks again here, still sounding clipped and professional. All further dialogue will be presented in court format, by request of the Princess.
Princess Celestia - Yes, Dizzy. I think this is a conversation you’d rather not hear anyway.
The sound of a door opening and closing, then five minutes of silence before the Princess speaks again.
Princess Celestia - Give me one good reason why I should not revoke my own thousand-year long ban on capital punishment and allow my beloved sister to have you de-horned before staking your body out to be consumed by the crows.
Fizzy Pop - Rather violent for you, isn’t it Princess Celestia?
Princess Celestia - I have spent much of the past few centuries enjoying the benefits of an Equestria that is no longer quite so dominated by the necessities of violence. That does not mean I do not understand the occasional necessity of it, merely that there are finer tools to be used.
Fizzy Pop - Fair enough. Here’s my reason: I can solve Icarus Syndrome within the next six months.
Princess Celestia - … How?
Fizzy Pop - My serum is not quite complete. I have spent most of the past three years slowly working out the problems inherent in such a substance through my work at the Agency. I am aware of what you think of such work, but it would surely be rather terrible were so much suffering to have occurred without some gain.
Princess Celestia - I had heard you repeatedly flouted my ban on Pony alchemical experimentation, but I had never thought…
Fizzy Pop - Of course not. Neither you, nor any of my teachers understood that if you wish to destroy something horrible, you must attack it at its source. Concern for the suffering of others is useless if you are unwilling to do what is necessary to help them.
Princess Celestia - You have destroyed almost three thousand lives, and you expect me to allow you-
Fizzy Pop - Only I am aware of how my serum was created and how it works. Only I know the formulae, the ritual, the precise nature of my work. Only I can grasp the golden kernel of progress from the offal of failure, and I can only do so if I am permitted to continue my studies. I do not care what you think of my methods, only my results.
Princess Celestia - You have destroyed countless lives, and set countless more down paths of suffering and you show not even the merest hint of remorse. I will spend a century trying to undo the harm you have done to those precious to me, and even then the cure may never be truly found. I have confronted the very worst our world can place before me. I have stood before Discord, dark king and damnation itself, and none of them compare to you, monster.
Fizzy Pop - I care nothing for what history judges me as, Princess. Decry me as a monster. Lavish my name in filth and depravity until all schoolchildren everywhere fear my name. So long as my work can save others the pain and suffering I and others like me have endured, I can accept that.
Princess Celestia - … What do you want?
Fizzy Pop - Two years, a laboratory with suitable equipment, the impounded Discordite flower petals and sufficient supplies to further my research. Access to volunteers for testing. The serum is useless on the unwilling, so I shall need those who are prepared to accept the risks of my serum. If I cannot succeed within the next two years, I shall never succeed and will have to live with the shame of my failure. Or die, as you might will.
Princess Celestia - Wait a moment. Go back. What do you mean it is useless on the unwilling?
Fizzy Pop - The serum is based on the thoughts of ponies, Princess. Without the desire to have things be different, the serum would be powerless. It would be useless on the truly content, on those ponies who are happy with their lives and all things in it. The effects are weak on those ponies who desire something small and petty, who are essentially content but have minor quibbles with their day to day lives.
But on those with a deep-seated desire for change, it takes the things we wish for, the things we desire the very most and it shapes them into reality. The fact that so few of my subjects achieved what they thought they desired is a testament to the fact that our conscious minds lie to us every single day. We are never wholly honest with ourselves, Princess. That is why I have sought to tie the effect to the subconscious mind so that our bodies would not create dreams, but rather make themselves whole.
All pegasi have a deep instinctual need to fly. All unicorns, a need to cast magic and shape the world. All earth ponies, a desire to till the earth and grow things. Icarus Syndrome, Brittle Horn Disease, Natural Disjunction Condition. Three terms for the same meaning, our instinctual magic damaged by effects beyond our control. I can solve those problems, Princess, if I have but the time to do so.
Princess Celestia - Hrgm.
Fizzy Pop - Allow me to assuage your sense of justice. Give me my two years, and afterwards I shall accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate for me. I shall not contest my conviction in court, and you may grant credit for my discoveries to whomever you may please.
Princess Celestia - I ought to… I ought to… Grrr!
There is a slamming of hooves on the desk, then silence for a time.
Princess Celestia - Guards! I need a moment. Watch the prisoner closely!
The muffled sounds of the recorder being picked up, and a few words just before it cuts off.
Princess Celestia - Get me the Royal Alchemist, I need to confer with him on somethin-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rarity Belle - My dearest little Fluttershy… I had thought I knew her as well as I did anypony. But she’d been hiding secrets of her own. Secrets I’m not terribly inclined to share with you lot. If she wishes to speak, she can come here and speak for herself. Today, I am here to speak of myself.
So, after her confession to me I knew something had to be done. There we were, two hearts united in our sorrows and what sort of friend would I be if I could not find a solution? I began to spread the word amongst those I knew, I began to search for the means to aid us in our plight. Oh certainly I considered consulting with Twilight, but… Well, Twilight is a wonderful mare but she has no concept of the pains we were going through. She has never been a mare overly concerned with amorous needs, they are simply outside of her purview.
That is not a dig against her, I stress. She is more than a dear friend, and I would trust her to aid me in any number of endeavours. But this… She would all too likely panic, and seek some solution from her much vaunted tomes. But books cannot cure a wounded heart, darlings. They cannot offer solace in the cold night, and they are no comfort when your life and dreams have been shattered before your hooves.
No. I love Twilight, truly I do. I love all of my friends with a warmth and intensity that I cannot deny. But none of them could help us on this, and even now on the other side of the river… I would say it the same way. Perhaps it was fate that led us to this. Perhaps it was the way it was always meant to be. But I shall be an adult, and own up to the decisions I have made and make the best of them.
Elegant. I knew her before all of this occurred, you know? We met during Fashion Week last year just after that little debacle with Suri. She was very kind to me, wanted to know what sort of works I was intending to bring to market in the future. New materials, new designs, we spoke for ages and never once did she bring up her little side business. I’d like to stress that, actually. Not once did she nor any of her compatriots try to seduce us into her den of devilry.
No, I found out about that on my own time. Through some… less than prudent contacts of mine, I’d heard rumors of strange new ponies becoming involved in the Canterlot party scene. Ponies with odd ‘enhancements’ that were quite the rage amongst certain individuals I knew of who enjoyed a good romper-party. I was curious, but that scene had never been to my taste until… Well I did not know at the time, but I met a young Daisybloom and instantly realized something was wrong with her.
She was between jobs, and very much in something of a daze. At first, I believed she was under the spell of one of many club drugs popular with the Canterlot youth. She was staying with a mutual associate, and I was informed she was the employee of a ‘placement agency’ that specialized in providing work and other lifestyle adjustments to discerning customers. I had no idea of her true purpose there, and I did not find it out until much later.
Instantly, my fears vanished. Obviously, this poor wretch had been through some sort of addiction and was working to clean up her life. The dazed look, the unfocused eyes… yes, I knew those signs all too well. Days later, I saw her with another associate and as bright eyed and bushy-tailed as any mare could ask to be. You can imagine the impression this left on me as to the efficacy of the Agency, so I began to do a little research.
Things got more and more intriguing as I did. They were terribly private for a company that was gaining such a positive reputation. Oh certainly, there were some dark stories, but I dismissed them. Nopony who works in Canterlot doesn’t have a black story or two about them. I should tell you about some of the absurd rumors they’ve spread about me over the years someday. Whatever, they simply were jealous of my fabulosity and are irrelevant now.
But the more I learned, the harder it became to arrange time at the Agency. Surely they would enjoy the publicity boost from a pair of well known ponies attending their business. Yet every time I attempted to make a reservation, I was mysteriously informed that they were far too busy. It was maddening and reeked of something secret going on behind the scenes. Naturally, I decided I needed to find out what that something was.
It was a trifle to arrange disguises and references for myself and Fluttershy. We walked right in past the very secretary that had been turning us away for weeks. When I met with Elegant, she was quite different than when I had met her a year or so previously. She had changed in a thousand subtle ways, but the most glaring of which was her bearing. She had obviously become quite taken with her business.
I nearly walked us out of there, do you realize that? I nearly walked us clean out of that place and straight to the Princess. What stayed my hoof… I don’t honestly know. We were taken to Fizzy Pop’s lab. We told him of the things we so desperately desired. We drank his mysterious fluid and he told us to check back in within a week or so to make certain there were no off side effects. By the time Fluttershy and I left, I had wondered why so many ponies were so raving about the place. A drink of some sort of potion? And this was supposed to solve our concerns? I was obviously rather suspicious.
I consulted with my physician in Canterlot, and he assured me there were no toxins or malignant magics within me or Fluttershy. He was confused by the makeup of the potion, a mix of ingredients he frankly believed would do nothing together. And yet too many ponies I’d spoken to had sung the places praises. Perhaps they had been paid? I didn’t know that either, and I was beginning to become frustrated. We resolved to speak of it in the morning, and I went to bed both perplexed and disappointed.
But… That night…
Mmmmmmh… That night…
Double Scoop’s Notes - Rarity began to writhe on the stand, squirming back and forth in an obviously satisfied way. Her eyes took on an unearthly glow and her smile grew wide, the sign of fangs in her teeth glinting in the dim light of the courtroom. Her voice took on a slinky, slithering quality that was equal parts enticing and frightening.
I’ve been through so many things since little Twilight waltzed into all of our lives and dragged us all along on her adventure. Terror, fear, danger, dirtiness, lack of decent plates and clothing and even worse than that, should you be capable of believing in things worse than a lack of decent plates. But in one singular night, all of those strange circumstances and ill-fated quests were repaid in full. At long last, after so many confrontations with those things which go bump in the night, the night finally brought flowers and chocolates and asked to come inside like a gentlecolt.
Unlike so many of the others, I remember every moment of that first evening. The magic overtook me slowly, like a lover I’d only dreamed of. It was slow and sweet, but so very real. Firm teeth nibbling along my spine, gentle lips pressed to mine. A slow buildup to the thrust of that phantom stallion, and an achingly long moment of intimacy. The darkness of the world around me became a part of me, and when I finally found my release, I realized how incredibly appropriate that word was to how I felt in that moment.
I had been given release from my fears and my concerns. My dreams, shattered before my hooves, now meant so very little. My prince had been inside of me all along, and I had simply been unable to realize it. The potion had come and helped me see the Dark, and my place within it. Of course… Nothing comes without a price, darlings.
Double Scoop’s Notes - Rarity lifted her hoof at this, and it shifts a little. Ethereal green vines slowly and sensually wrap themselves about her forelegs and hooves, like strange stockings that appeared from the very ether. Her eyes fixated on me, and the smell of green fields and musky sex nearly overwhelmed my senses. Then she looked away, leaving only the faint scent of flowers in the air. Gods. Even now, I can smell it..
Some would say it cost me my soul, but they’re quite fools. My body has changed, certainly. My mind, most definately. But I remain Rarity Belle down deep within my soul.
Double Scoop’s Notes - Her voice raises at this, defiantly proclaiming itself into the still air of the courtroom.
All of you… None of you have any idea what it has been like! To stand there, heart in pain as you watch your dreams sauntering off into the sunset with another mare. To feel like you could never, ever find the love your heart so ached for! But I have discovered that one can still love oneself and find room in your heart for others. So many others with love, of course, to fill my heart with. A heart that needs regular filling, you understand.
All mares have needs. Mine are simply a trifle more… unconventional now. At the very least, I am nothing like that soul-sucking leech Chrysalis. I do not leave my little loves drained and broken. I would so much rather they were whole and hearty, that their desires were sated as much as mine were. I leave my little loves well taken care of, secure and snuggled up in the knowledge that the love they have given that night will be put to the use of good.
Do not mistake me with those judging eyes of yours. I have not forsaken the ones I love, or the Harmony I have sworn to protect. Nor have I cast off my passion to bring fashion and fabulosity to all ponies, everywhere! I am still myself in heart and soul, and I shall never be anything different! So what if I am now strange to the eyes of many ponies? I am equally desirable in the eyes of so many more. I have been ridden of my childish dreams, and at long last given the one thing I have desired for all of my life. The freedom to love without concern for childish romance.
For the first time in years, I truly am happy!
Double Scoop’s notes - At this, all illusion and pretense falls away. Her gaze is as terrifying and alluring as that of a fully grown dragon. She radiates sexuality and desire like a living embodiment of both. Her body is perfect yet strange. Even Judge Rock is incapable of doing naught but leaning forward in his bench to be just a few inches closer to the goddess that now stands upon the witness dias, daring anyone to challenge her right to exist.
Moments later, Princess Luna reaches out with a hoof and it is as though all of the energy is sucked out of the room. Rarity remains defiant on the stand, but now she is sitting and watching us all with eyes equal parts sad and courageous. The Princess spoke next, softly and without fear.
Princess Luna - Dame Rarity… Whatever has become of you?
Author's Note
New chapters every day until completion. Part 2 tomorrow. New project to be announced this week.
Case#[Classified] Part 2 - Rarity
~~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~~
Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #41, Part B
The recording cuts in on a conversation already in progress. It is possible the recorder was turned on by accident. Princess Celestia is speaking.
Princess Celestia - -aying that it’s possible?
The next voice is scratchy and slightly wry, identifiable as the Royal Alchemist, Razzil Dazzil.
Razzil Dazzil - Theoretically, yes. Assuming what you’ve told me about his formulation is correct, he could very well be on to something rather revolutionary. He isn’t wrong that most of the Order tend to be disdainful of the use of fermentation as a catalyst. It is devilishly difficult to control even under the most astringent lab conditions, but if he’s managed to do this much so far…
A sigh, and a faint squeaking sound. Razzil is likely cleaning his glasses.
Razzil Dazzil - I remember when Fizzy Pop was a student. We met briefly after a lecture I’d given during his junior year, and I can distinctly recall his zeal. He was a frighteningly brilliant young unicorn, and I am not surprised he has managed to master this particular facet of our art. He was a relentless perfectionist in the pursuit of his craft. I only wish we could’ve been able to curb some of that. Perhaps he could have succeeded me, someday.
But yes, Princess. He could very well be correct. I would need to see his methodology in action before I could give you a one-hundred percent accurate assessment, but with the limited information available to me I would have to say it is not likely he is outright lying to us.
There is a brief moment of silence, then Razzil coughs softly.
Razzil Dazzil - Princess, we have been acquaintances for how long?
When the Princess finally responds, her voice is warm.
Princess Celestia - Almost sixty years now, you old coot. A term of service nearly unmatched in the court.
Razzil Dazzil - Yes, your highness. And in all of those sixty years, I have not once seen you give into your anger when another solution presented itself. Ah! No, Princess. I am not saying what Fizzy Pop did was not monstrous. I daresay even he would agree with that assessment. Only that we must consider more than the heat of anger and the desire for grim justice. What was done has already been done, and it cannot be undone.
Princess Celestia - There may very well be ways to undo all of this madness, Razzil.
Razzil Dazzil - You already know my feelings on that subject, Princess.
Princess Celestia - … What are you suggesting I do, Royal Alchemist?
Razzil Dazzil - As your friend? I recommend you think before you act. As your advisor? I would recommend you do not throw away a panacea because it was made from rotten fish entrails.
Princess Celestia - …sigh Thank you, Razzil. I will try to keep that in mind.
There is a brief muffling noise, then hooves leaving an echoing hallway. Silence for several minutes follows, until…
Princess Celestia - Detective Tracer, what are you doing here?
Detective Rich Tracer - Elegant tried to escape this morning. Emphasis on ‘tried.’
Princess Celestia - Oh, for pity’s sake…
Detective Tracer - I warned you that she was terrified of you, ma’am. Relocation to Canterlot Castle holding cells? Must’ve sounded like a death sentence to her. She’s been returned to isolation holding for now, until we can clean up the mess she made.
Princess Celestia - …. Detective, what should I do about Fizzy Pop?
Detective Tracer - You want my professional opinion, ma’am, or my personal one?
Princess Celestia - Both.
Detective Tracer - Professionally, I think that bastard needs only two fuckin’ things. A long drop with a sudden stop at the end, preferably at the end of a rope. But speakin’ personally? Ma’am, I seen worse than him in my time on the beat. Most dust pushers ain’t got half his brains and… Look, all the guards know somepony with the Big Three, okay? If he isn’t just blowin’ smoke about being able to fix one of those, I’d wanna know a little more before I wrapped a noose around him and shoved him off the western wall.
A deep inhaling sound, and the sound of a striking match. Detective Tracer is smoking in the station…. again.
Detective Tracer - I can’t tellya how to handle that one, ma’am. He’s nuttier than a fruitcake, an’ fruitier than one too. Shit he’s done ain’t gonna play well in the papers, an there’s gonna be tartarus to pay before its all over. That’s why I’m just a detective, ma’am. I ain’t cut out for those kindsa decisions.
Princess Celestia - You ought to be Guard Captain, Tracy. But that’s water under the bridge. I’m going to need you to unlock the door to holding for me.
Detective Tracer - No problem, Princess. And hey, if you wanna slap ‘im around a little, I promise I won’t tattle.
~~~~Canterlot General Hospital ~~~~
The room smelled like home.
Which wasn’t to say it smelled like her library loft, but rather that it smelled like a ‘home’. Fresh flowers were everywhere, and the faint scent of animal feed and the fragrance of Angel Bunny’s latest salad disaster lingered in the air. The subject and source of those smells sat with a book cradled in her lap as she hummed a beautiful little tune. The aforementioned bunny rabbit protector was nowhere to be seen, although his role had been somewhat upset as of late given… well, Twilight wasn’t quite ready to parse that one yet.
Even now, all these weeks later, it was almost unnerving to see her like this. Fluttershy was utterly relaxed, turning pages in her book even as the world whirled around her. Outside her window, the sounds and sights of bustling every day Canterlot intruded with predictable regularity. Yet the sudden bangs, yells, and window-buzzing pegasi going at top speed to various parts of the hospital complex didn’t so much as ruffle her mane. It was unnerving. Fluttershy ought to be hiding under the bed, not just… sitting there and taking it like a normal pony.
“Morning, Twilight.” She piped up, as chipper as a filly at breakfast. That was unusual too. Her voice was as clear as a clarion call to arms, and she didn’t once stumble over her words. She looked right into Twilight’s eyes and smiled happily. “I’m afraid Rarity’s not here. She said she had something important she had to go do. Probably gawking over the fashion magazines she’s missed.”
Twilight swallowed her concern and fear, and put on her very bravest smile. But before she could even open her mouth, Fluttershy was speaking again. “No, Twilight. The answer is still no, and It’s going to stay that way.” Her tone was firm but not bullying. Twilight could feel her teeth snap over the words she’d tried saying for nearly three weeks now, and they almost ached from the taste of them.
Fluttershy sighed faintly and closed her book, looking up at her with a touch of pity. “Twilight, I know you only keep bringing it up because you care. This is all rather new for us too, and so many of the others. But I’m not going to do it, and Rarity agrees with me.” Fluttershy’s maddening calm was driving her a little bit mental, and she wanted to reach over and shake her. She wanted to demand to know what this creature had done with Fluttershy, but Twilight already knew the answer to that.
“And what about Daisybloom?” Twilight instantly regretted the words as they poured out of her mouth, but her logic-driven brain was running away with her today. “Or Bluefeather? Have you asked them what they think about your opinion?” She nearly swallowed her hoof trying to shut herself up, and couldn’t help but look down to the tiled white floor in shame.
But a moment later, gentle and warm hooves were hugging around her neck. “It’s okay, Twilight. We should have come and spoken to you, and I am so very sorry for that.” It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be the one ponies came to for comfort and aid. But here she was, nearly weeping into Fluttershy’s shoulder because… why? Because she couldn’t fix everypony’s problems? “But you need to understand that it’s not a good idea.”
“It could work, Fluttershy.” She whispered, unable to keep her mind off of it. They had always worked before after all. When the chips were well and truly down, and when the world had seemed unfixable, they had saved the day. She knew they worked against Discord, why would they not work now?
Fluttershy sighed softly. “Twilight… I’ve already had this discussion with Discord, you know.”
That shocked her. Shocked her so badly that the tears stopped and she couldn’t help but jerk her head up. “What?!” She blurted like a little foal, but there was a tiny smile on Fluttershy’s face afterward that made her blush.
She nodded solemnly. “It was actually his first suggestion. He was quite certain it would clear everything up, just like it always did. But when I asked him what that might mean, he balked." She crossed her hooves over her lap as she sat, looking quiet and serene. "Twilight, even he has no idea what the effects might be. There’s no way of knowing what it might do to us, or to them until we actually try to use them. For all we know, we could all end up ensconced in stone for a thousand years and more.”
Fluttershy bit at her lip for a moment. “Twilight, given that neither Rarity nor I wish to change back I'm not even certain they'd work properly for us, and given what that might mean... No, I’m not going to take that risk, Twilight. Neither is Rarity. And without all six of us pitching in, you won’t be able to get it to do diddly as it is.” Her eyes hardened slightly, and she spoke in a much more testy tone than before. “There’s no easy answer to this one, Twilight. We’re just going to have to do things the hard way for once.”
And with that, she was checkmated. Any hope she had of wielding the elements began and ended with the willing participation of all of her friends, and two of them had just decided to stonewall her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t sympathetic to their concerns, but maybe if she could just get her crown back together… “Twilight!” Fluttershy spoke in the sharpest, hardest tone she’d ever heard Fluttershy use. “Please.” Her voice softened, nearly instantly. “Respect our wishes. We have so many ponies who need our help now. They’re going to need us to be strong for them. All of us, together.”
She closed her eyes, and leaned her forehead against Fluttershy’s. “Why was I not good enough to help you?” She couldn’t help but ask. It was the question she’d been struggling with for the past month, and she needed an answer. She needed it now. “W-why didn’t you j-j-ust… c-come and ask for help?” She was crying again. Stuttering even. Some Princess she’d turned out to be…
But Fluttershy’s answer… she wasn’t expecting. “Oh, Twilight... You were always good enough.” Twilight looked up to see her friend smiling, a faint sadness in her eyes. “It’s the two of us who weren’t good enough to ask you for help. ”
~~~~~~~~~
Rarity - What became of me? Life. That’s what became of me.
I wanted something so badly for so very long that it infected every single part of my life. Everything was slanted towards my desire for a Prince and to become the royalty I had so long assumed was something anypony could attain should they be determined enough. It was my obsession, and it was not until Blueblood that I had realized how deeply that obsession went.
Oh certainly, I had other reasons for wanting it. I wanted it for the prestige, for the grand wedding I’d imagined, for the boons to my business that a true royal name would lend. But… It all came back to that silly fillyhood dream. A dream I could not renounce no matter how much I tried to move on from it. When I began to discard that dream, my life fell apart. It had been the glue holding together my single-minded pursuit of perfection in my craft and in my life. And when the glue was removed, it all came crashing down.
The incident with the puppet theater was the biggest of the warning signs. I had dismissed practical concerns in favor of gaudy showiness. When Spike brought me that book… I realized how desperate I was to recapture that old drive. No longer did I have an over-riding goal, no longer did I have a star far above my head to strive for. The clouds had set in and my future was too murky for me to understand.
For a time, I could ignore it. Tirek’s little invasion and the months spent in the cleanup did not hurt. Our work across Equestria and beyond bringing the magic of Friendship to so many creatures kept me distracted for a while, but those were bandages over the wound. They stemmed my bleeding, but I still bled. When we returned home to Ponyville, to our lives and to our jobs I found myself standing amidst my fabric and my ponyquins and I knew that I had nothing to create. No spark or desire of creativity lived in my soul. I did not know where I was going, nor did I know what I was going to do. My star had vanished, and without it to guide my hooves whatever could I do?
That set it all into motion. And now, I am going to tell you the why you have all come to hear. Whyever did this beautiful mare leave the hospital, and refuse any further attempt to treat her horrifying condition? The why is simple, my delicious darlings. I no longer need a prince for, as you can all plainly see, I am not fit any longer to be a Princess.
Look at me!
Double Scoop’s Notes: Rarity stands up in the witness chair, and strikes a pose. The full extent of her strange transformation laid bare before us. Her supple mane and tail moving with a life all their own, the strange horns that are braided through her mane and dangling golden chains and twinkling sapphires. Her sharp hooves digging into the wood of her chair and her eyes blazing defiantly.
What prince would have me but some dread demon prince out of nightmares? What royal blood would dare take me for its own but those of the blackest hearts? I was the perfect little mare. Waiting for her prince to come forever and aye, and I might as well have been living my life in chains for all of that waiting. I had staked myself to a single vision of the future, and by the time I realized the foolishness of such an act it was far too late.
After all, who else would be able to love me but a Prince? Who else would deserve me but one of royal blood? Nopony beneath me dared try to break through my shell, and nopony I desired existed for me to pursue. I became the victim of the very mythology that had kept me going for so many years, so desperately seeking the validation of my Prince that those who might’ve been able to bring me true happiness could not conceive of me loving them in the first place.
I lived in a prison for most of my life, trapped in equal measure by my single greatest driving force and the expectations I had set not just for others but for myself. I could not accept anything less of myself than total success, and while my talent and effort took me places far beyond many other ponies it could not carry me forever. I was bound to hit this wall sooner or later, and all that would be different is if I had achieved my goal of a Prince before or after I did.
Perhaps that’s selfish. Perhaps that was naive of me, but what can I say? I sought to be a character in a fairytale of my own writing. I sought to be the beautiful heroine who through her own gumption and skill attracts the eye of the fine Prince, and with her new lover and husband by her side they can change the world together. I costumed myself with the self-assuredness that only a young filly can manage and I sewed myself into that costume so tightly that…. that…
No. I am not going to dwell on this one moment longer.
I am free, now. There is no fairytale ending for a creature like me, no shining Prince to gallop off into the sunset with. No. I am no longer fit to be the Princess I had so long dreamed of, and never have I been so glad for it. Now I am a demon, a figure out of the dark dreams of those precious colts and fillies who dream darkly of strange carnal pleasures. I shall be the sweet night wind, the temptress who slips past all guards of virtue to draw the innocent away from their quests and their purity for our own… enjoyment in corrupting them. I will sweep along dark paths that lay empty in the still of the evening, gliding gracefully beneath the pale moon to seek out those who will slake my thirst. I shall come to those I choose, and give them a night of dark pleasure they could only begin to dream of, only to vanish with the dawn... Mhm. Hee hee… Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
Aha… hahahah.... Ahh… It’s nice to be able to laugh like this again, you know? To not need to worry about seeming uncouth or inappropriate. Freed from all those silly social conventions and expectations. No longer tied down by the worry that my Prince would see me behaving like quite the peasant or the seductress and be repulsed. That was the depth to which I suffered, friends. I was a prisoner in my own life, lacking any hope or means of escape.
Oh, and I can already hear the questions… Why not simply change my life myself? Well, darling, how about you uproot everything you have ever dreamed about. Toss aside all of your lifelong plans into the rubbish and proclaim that suddenly, you are a different somepony now. I would absolutely adore seeing one of you sticks in the mud try. I’d pay good money to see the effort!
But in truth, I’m not going to make excuses. I took the easy way out darlings, and obviously I’ve paid for it with my so-called purity. But why should I be so bothered? My true friends will remain beside me, the ones whose love is real for me will not throw me aside because I am now different. And looking down upon my new, beautiful form I can tell you for true that there is one very special someone to whom I owe so very much that I shall be exercising my newfound freedom with enthusiastically and as often as possible. I rather expect that he shall enjoy the experience, once I have introduced him to the many pleasures I can now provide.
Not appropriate you say? Not proper or socially acceptable? Piffle! Feh! And to quoth dear Dashie, Fuck. That. Noise. I do not care any longer. I have paid my dues, I have given so much for Equestria that I do not think it is wrong to demand the right to be happy on my own terms. And as for the others who were not so fortunate as I? For those who have suffered from the actions of that manipulative and sly bitch Elegant? I shall not abandon them, either. They are my brothers and my sisters and I promise you they shall be well cared for. I shall provide them the example they need to move on in their lives. A symbol of the strength they can seize for themselves if only they have the will to do so.
Princess Luna. Judge Rock. Prince Armor. I come before you today not to absolve those who did this to me of their guilt in the horrific things they have done to others, but rather to show you that even out of the darkest depths a beam of light can shine. I have made my decisions, and I made them as an adult mare. Perhaps I did not understand the depth of my choices, but given the chance to make them again? I would not hesitate.
I do not hate what I have become. I instead celebrate it, accept it, own it and reclaim it. I shall bring hope from the jaws of despair, and I shall forge forward anew. I have been given the chance to fulfill a new dream. No longer waiting for my prince charming to come and save me, I shall instead be the savior for others. I shall be the prince that now lives inside of me, and I shall not be conquered. For Elegant may have created me, but she does not own me. Nor shall she own the minds and souls of those who have suffered from these horrible circumstances.
Not if I have anything to say about it.
~~~~Canterlot General Hospital ~~~~
I found myself holding a cup of tea as Fluttershy carefully locked the door. “We started talking when it became clear there was going to be a trial.” Fluttershy spoke quietly, her voice full of a calm authority that could easily have come from Princess Celestia. “We knew what you would do, Twilight. We love you very much, but you’re rather a predictable pony sometimes. You’re still so young at heart, you don’t realize how much somepony can ache for change.”
Fluttershy turned on her hoof and smiled prettily. It was a smile so bright and so warm it seemed to fill up the whole room. “It’s not a bad thing, mind you. You’re a homebody at heart, Twilight. You always have been. You like things to be in neat order, to remain as close to the way they always have been as you can manage. After the past five years, I truly cannot blame you though. Moving away from Canterlot all the way to moving into your own Princess castle… That would be enough to make anypony desperate to try to keep their world sensible whatever way they could.” She shook her head, her bright mane sparkling in the late afternoon sun.
Twilight felt a need to speak up for herself. “I just… You two have become so different, I wondered…” She swallowed her words for a moment, then forged on. She had to be honest. Applejack would beat her flank if she wasn’t. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t be the same friends I’d had before. I know that’s not what a good friend thinks but-”
The hoof pressed into her mouth was firm, and Fluttershy giggled in a high tone. “Twilight Sparkle, you silly pony. It’s okay. We understand, both of us, that you can get your head wrapped up in problems like this.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, if you didn’t do that you’d hardly be Twilight Sparkle anymore. Which I suppose is the same problem you have with us. However is Rarity still Rarity without her long-held desire for a Prince?”
Fluttershy lifted up two hooves and shook her head. “It is difficult when somepony you deeply love must undergo such a radical change. It is even more difficult when you cannot understand the reason why they had to change in the first place. But now… now that I stand on the other side of such a change, I can understand how they are sometimes necessary.” Then she fell back to the ground on all four hooves, and tilted her head to one side.
Twilight drank her tea. Fluttershy smiled. “Discord, would you please join us?” She spoke into the empty air, as if she expected to be obeyed. Twilight prepared to crack wise about that hilarious assumption.
Then Discord appeared in a poof of illogic, with a tender smile on his face and his paws folded together. “Of course, my dear. However can I…? Ah, Miss Sparkle. So good to see you’ve finally decided to join the little freak parade.” His tone went from simpering to sarcastic in nanoseconds, and in a strange way it was comforting. If nothing else, she could always count on Discord to be a jerk to her.
Fluttershy tsked. “Be nice, Discord. This isn’t easy on her, and you know it. It’s not easy on you either, and I know it, but I think it’s past time I cleared the air.” She stomped her hoof on the ground. “I’d like you to take us to the Canterlot Court House, Discord. All three of us. I’m going to say my piece in a place where the truth can no longer be denied.”
I couldn’t help myself. I nearly dropped my teacup. “But Fluttershy, your-”
“Hush!” She commanded, and hush I did. Almost comedically quickly, and not for the first time I was a trifle annoyed. I was supposed to be the bloody wizard around these parts, how was I supposed to compete with the supernatural effects of Fluttershy’s new- “We’re going now, Discord!”
And with a snap of his talons, we were there.
~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~
Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #41, Part C
The Recording cuts on to silence for nearly ten minutes. Then, Princess Celestia speaks.
I managed to put Discord to good use. Perhaps I should start considering you simply another threat on level with him, and act accordingly.
You will have your two years. But in exchange for my mercy, you will cease to exist. Your name will be stricken from the records in the entirety of Equestria. Your tax records, your degrees, your academic papers, your bank accounts, your library cards. You shall be expunged completely from all public records and all forms of print. Nopony but myself and the select few I choose will even remember you were ever alive. You will have no name. You will have no identity. You will be but a tool upon my workbench and I shall wield you to extract some measure of hope for the future from this tragedy.
You will be kept comfortable enough and far away from the prying eyes of other ponies. Those you interact with will be there to ensure you remain on your task and shall learn from the madness that lurks inside of your mind. I shall ensure that your years are spent putting that insane mind of yours to the benefit of the Equestrian ponies until the day that the reaper finally comes to claim you. Because monster or not, I shall not waste a valuable tool. And in the end, should you accomplish your goals and rid my Equestria of those plagues which have caused so much untold suffering, perhaps you may earn a measure of redemption in my eyes and I shall allow your work to continue.
But should you fail?
Then I will show you why I have ruled these lands unchallenged for two millennia and more.
Your only other option is to face your very imminent death.
Do you accept my offer, Fizzy Pop?
~~~~~~~~~~
The Courtroom had fallen silent once again. But this time… This time what happened allowed my heart to lift, just a trifle, from where it had lain in my hooves these past few weeks.
A lone figure burst from the court observers, and rushed up to the witnesses stand. She wore a house-maids dress, but was impossible not to recognize as Daisybloom. She flung her forelegs around Rarity’s waist and hugged tightly to her. Rarity lowered her forehooves and stroked the poor pony’s mane gently, lovingly. Then she hugged her back and murmured softly. “There there, darling. We’ll find you a nice pony who shall love you as you deserve.”
Daisybloom untangled herself from Rarity’s body, and the strange hybrid of pony and demon stepped down from the stand as a Princess descends from her throne. Like it or not, I could not help but make the comparison to Princess Celestia as she walked towards the court exit. Princess Luna’s eyes following her with a deep thoughtfulness. The court observers and other reporters bowed their heads as she passed us by, regally protecting the poor broken pony beneath her hoof.
And as she passed me, I began to realize that the story could not possibly end with this trial. Thousands of other stories had yet to be told, and thousands of other ponies who had escaped and been ensnared Elegant’s grasp were now out there in the world, hiding from us. What had become of them? What had been done to them? And most importantly of all, what could we do for them?
The answers were coming, weather I liked it or not. For as the doors to the courtroom opened, the final figure in this case walked through it and prepared to finally bring the chaos to an end… her way.
-Reporter Double Scoop, for the Equestria Times. “The Case of the Century, and how it never came to be.”
Author's Note
For those of you waiting for explanations as to the Elements of Harmony, please be patient. The answers are coming.
Case #[Classified], Part 1 - Fluttershy
~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse ~~~~
Judge Rock - Order! I said, Order! Order in the court!
Princess Luna - Princess Twilight, what is the meaning of this?
Discord - Hardly her decision, Moonbutt. Fluttershy apparently has a few things of her own to add to this little radio drama.
Fluttershy - My apologies for not calling ahead, Princess Luna. But I’m afraid things have gone too far now for me to remain silent. Rarity, are you alright?
Rarity - Just fine, Darling. Whyever do you ask?
Fluttershy - Mmm. Just concerned for you, as usual. You really ought to not flaunt about so much like that, you might scare somepony. Remember what we talked about?
Rarity - Yes, yes, I know… Honestly, Fluttershy. I thought you liked my new look.
Fluttershy - I’ve had time to get used to it, Rarity. Would you mind waiting for me outside? I shouldn’t be too long in here. This really should wrap things up.
Rarity - Of course, darling.
Judge Rock - If you two are quite finished, Miss Fluttershy?
Fluttershy - Apologies, your Honor. I really did not mean to be a fuss, but I figured that a better opportunity to speak wouldn’t come around again.
Princess Luna - I swear to the stars, you lot are incredibly frustrating!
Detective Tracer - And it ain’t gettin any easier, ma’am. Princess Celestia wants ta’ speak with ya at the precinct. Says it’s urgent.
Judge Rock - Then I’ve no choice but to declare a recess. My due apologies, Miss Fluttershy, but this court cannot continue-
Princess Twilight - I’ll step in for Luna and act in her stead. With her permission, of course.
Princess Luna - Twilight, I could hardly ask… Hmph. I’m not the one asking though, am I? Very well. I shall presume you are mature enough to understand what is going on here. I shall return poste-haste. I am leaving Twilight in my place, your Honor. If you would excuse me.
Judge Rock - If the past few days had not been what they have been, I would be calling an end to this Inquiry right now, Princess Twilight. I am sorely tempted to do so anyway, and bedamned to the consequences. Now I will ask you once, and only once. Will Miss Fluttershy’s testimony add any meaningful dialogue to the reason for this Inquiry, or not?
Princess Twilight - Flutters?
Fluttershy - I assure you, Judge Rock. What I have to say will be something very new to this court case. I can only hope that it will be enough to finally bring this all to a close
Judge Rock - Very well. I will be keeping you on an exceedingly short leash, Miss Fluttershy. Far too much of this court’s time has been given over to divergences and ranting. I would ask that you restrain yourself from such, if and when at all possible. Are we understood?
Fluttershy - Absolutely, your honor.
Judge Rock - Then this court calls Fluttershy to the stand!
Fluttershy - Thank you, your honor.
Let me be clear, I came here for my friend Twilight and not for myself. There are things she needs to hear and needs to understand. Things I can’t show her or tell her by sitting in that lovely little room they gave us at the hospital, nor in that secreted away little apartment we’re living in now. Twilight has always been there for me… even when I couldn’t listen to her, or more accurately, when I didn’t listen because I was so frightened of something else at the time.
You’ve heard so many other stories during these testimonies, so I’m not going to waste your time with repeating a beginning you’ve already heard. This isn’t really about my story. It’s about the story of thousands of others who’ve suffered terribly from the mistakes of a relative few. When I think about Lady Elegant and Fizzy, I am not angry nor am I horrified. Two ponies as much a victim of their own circumstances as any of us, blindly flailing away at the world. I pity them, really.
Judge Rock - Miss Fluttershy, what are you….
Discord - It’s complicated, your baldness. What’s happened to my little Fluttershy….
Fluttershy - Hush, Discord. We talked about this. I’m not going to spend my time fussing over something neither of us can change. I am what I am now and I am going to make the best of it.
Judge Rock - Miss Fluttershy, please forgive this court, but you do not appear to have suffered any physical changes.
Fluttershy - Ah, that’s right. I haven’t. My change’s are… more subtle than that, I suppose you could say. But getting back to my story…
Discord - Fluttershy, if you’re not going to tell them, I am .
Fluttershy - It’s hardly necessary, but… Well, alright. If you think its important, I suppose I should tell the story then.
You… You need to understand I’m not a pony who’s ever done very well with believing in myself. It used to be that whenever I found myself facing something I didn’t think I could handle I would get frightened. Not because It was necessarily frightening, but because I didn’t want everypony to see me failing all the time.When I was little, I knew how badly it hurt my mother to see me trying so hard to fly and just… I couldn’t do it. My wings…
I have a mild case of Icarus Syndrome, you see. It’s not something that gets talked about a lot outside of pegasus communities, but basically the… the magic in my wings isn’t very strong. I can handle most day-to-day flying, but anything strenuous that would require me to use my pegasus magic could send me plummeting to the ground. Fillies with Icarus aren’t usually treated really well in some communities. There’s a lot of pride tied up in how good you are at doing pegasus tasks, and when you can’t even do the basic ones…
But I cannot be angry at them either. Every parent is afraid they’ll draw the bad card and have to deal with it. Everypony knows someone who has a child with it. They’re not bad ponies, just frightened ones. It’s a theme I’ve seen repeated too many times, all with the same predictable and tragic results.
So many of the creatures we’ve fought, so many of the ones we’ve used the Elements on…
Double Scoop’s Notes: At this moment, Fluttershy reaches out her hoof and squeezes Discord’s paw, her smile never endingly serene.
Like a certain draconequus I could name. They’ve all just been suffering from the same things we all do. Fear, doubt, loneliness, desperation. They’re no different from the rest of us, except they have more power to wield against those horrible emotions. So they do bad things, not knowing how easy it is to find the things that can help them. If only they knew… but I suppose that’s why I am the way I am now.
My mom always told me everything happens for a reason. Every time I came home from school after… after some of the other foals were hurtful to me, she would pick me up and dust me off with her big wings. She’d smile and kiss my cheek, and tell me I was going to show all of them how to not be such meanies. She told me to keep being the special somepony that I was, and that someday other ponies would see it too.
When I took the potion, all I wanted was to be that special somepony mom had always told me I could me. I wanted to not be afraid anymore. I wanted courage and strength, like Discord showed me I could have, so that I could be that special somepony for the entire world. Fizzy told me that the potion could do that. He said that it could make all the things I was frightened of go away, and that I could be the new pony I’d always dreamed about.
He was more right than he knew.
~~~~~Canterlot Castle ~~~~~
From the notes of Miss Inkwell, Meeting with Luna Re: NLPA
The Princess was sitting in her room, quietly leafing through the pages of her diary when Luna arrived.
“Sister, what in the name of Starswirls’ beard is the meaning of this?”
Luna’s voice is rich with anger, and the Princess winces away from it. Luna appears enraged, but not quite so angry as to be devoid of sense. She’s rid herself of her regalia, meaning she’s speaking not for her office but for herself. “You placed me in charge of this investigation under mine own laws. You gave me the authority to determine what needed to be done, because you could not trust your own instincts. Now, you will answer to me: Where is Fizzy Pop?
The Princess closes her diary, and looks to the door. As she has for the past few days, the Princess looks utterly exhausted. “Elsewhere.” She says in a quiet voice, and Luna is quite taken aback by this. “I am sorry for usurping you, Lulu, but I had to make a decision. This court case is a shambles, and the more the investigation turns up, the more I find myself desiring to ensure it never sees the light of day.”
Luna nearly hits the floor with shock, but she quickly rallies. “What in the name of Equestria are you plotting, sister? Uprooting the rule of law is not like you in the least.” She crosses the floor quickly, her voice pitched low and hushed.
The Princess half smiles, shaking her head. “You really ought to be reading Tracy’s reports, Lulu. This case is implicating a third of the Solar Court in utilizing the services of this Agency. While I am mostly certain the majority of them were unaware of what they were supporting, the law does not discriminate.” She winces again, and reaches up to massage her temple. “And after what has become of Fluttershy, It may be best to shut down this case and focus on aiding the victims. We certainly do not want her… condition dragged through the public eye if we can avoid it.”
Luna goes quiet for a moment, then speaks firmly. “Then allow me to handle this, sister.”
The Princess looked up in surprise. “What?”
Luna tosses her mane, her voice pitched low. “Sister, dear. I love you so. But thou art incapable of being cruel to anypony, even to the worst.” She crossed the room and laid a hoof on Celestia’s shoulder. “Spend your time doing what you do best, Sister. Heal the wounds of the sick and the riven. Leave the guilty unto me.” Her voice suddenly drops angrily. “I shall ensure that they are dealt with in good time, as best as they can be without harming thy peace.”
The Princess says nothing for a moment, then whispers. “Thank you, Lulu. I will… Yes. I offered Fizzy Pop a chance to finish his work if he vanished. Was I…?” She hesitates, trembling and falling over her words.
Luna shakes her head. “You are too kind, Sister. But who knows? Perhaps that kindness will buy hope for our future. We shall keep thy word, but I do not intend to make things simple upon him.” She smiled faintly. “Now, go consult with Cadence. The poor ponies whom have been harmed by this will need you both, and thy student, if they are to arise from this.”
The Princess stands, and laughs faintly. “I suppose… I suppose they will. Yes. Thank you, Luna.” They embrace, and I follow the Princess from the room.
~~~~~~~~~
Fluttershy - When I woke up that first morning, everything was different.
I don’t just mean that I was different, I mean the world itself was different. Imagine… Imagine if you could just see all the little snags and mis-steps that the world and the creatures in it make, all before they even happen. What if you could fix those things before they ever became a problem? Wouldn’t things be better?
I woke up to Angel Bunny being grumpy again, so I fixed him breakfast. Normally he tells me what he wants from the recipe book, but I just sort of knew the answer that morning. He looked at me oddly but didn’t argue when I set that particular salad down and got along to the rest of my chores. The rest of my day was… pretty much like that. Every time a little problem would normally crop up, I found I could head it off. It was just a matter of being nice… or rather, being Kind. I was always good at being kind, but I’d never been really good at using it properly. Then I had to go to town and I started noticing things. One thing, in particular, jumped out at me. I wasn’t frightened. At all.
See… Nopony really has ever known why I was so frightened so often. The answer was a lot simpler than most of them presumed, but… I couldn’t tell them. How could they possibly understand how horribly frightened I was of… just… Other ponies. We’re supposed to be a social species, that’s what we do! We get together, we co-operate, we socialize… it’s such a fundamental part of who we are. But… But I couldn’t handle them. I just couldn’t. They couldn’t understand me and I couldn’t understand them at all, and every time I failed because I wasn’t enough like them It hurt more and more. I loved Dashie, I loved her so much, but I could never ever be as good as she was and-
Ahem. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t… I need to be more careful. I was so afraid of being in front of other ponies, and having them see my failures first hoof. Of them judging and mocking me and looking down at me because I was born different. But that morning, I woke up and I wasn’t afraid anymore. It was hardly their fault they didn’t understand me. They were frightened of what I represented to them. Frightened of a reminder of how fragile life can be sometimes.
And even in Ponyville, where so many ponies treated me so kindly, it was hard not to be frightened of them too. But now, I could understand their kindness to me. Now, I understood how hard they worked to make sure I felt comfortable. It would have been terribly unkind of me to not work just as hard as they did at being a good pony. Instantly, I wasn’t frightened any longer. Now… Now that I knew what to do it was so easy…
So… So I was happy and cheerful and perky all day long. I never once felt stressed or frightened over every little thing that happened around me. It was unnerving, but I couldn’t even bring myself to be frightened of it. Why should I be scared? I just needed to be kind to other ponies, and they’d be kind back to me. And even if they weren’t, well… Maybe they just needed a good example like Discord did.
I didn’t notice anything even remotely strange or wrong until, well… There was one morning about a week later that I ran into someone very unpleasant. I’m not going to say who, but they were not behaving very nicely to someponies in the market. Well, I certainly couldn’t let it keep happening but I wasn’t quite sure what to do at first. But before I knew it, I was right in front of her and giving her a dressing down in front of everypony!
I don’t even remember where the words came from, but I sort of sounded like my mother did when she got angry at my bullies. The other pony looked frightened but she didn’t try to get away. She just stood there and listened to me, until finally her grumpiness broke away. Then I soothed her, and it didn’t take me very long to get her spirits back up. I didn’t know what I’d done, but I knew it had helped her somehow… I felt bad about making her sad at first, but I also remembered what I’d had to do to help the Breezies. Sometimes someponies just need a bit of firm discipline I guess.
That was the first time it happened, but it wasn’t the last. Slowly, I became more and more used to it. Every time I saw something bad about to happen, some unkindness somepony was going to commit, I moved in to stop it before It could ever manifest. A gentle word here, a little gift or interruption there, and the world smoothed out before me. I had to work hard with Pinkie, but she really doesn’t mean to hurt anypony. She just forgets sometimes in her enthusiasm, and I’m glad I can be there to help her.
Some other ponies in town are like that. Cranky Doodle needs reminding not to be so harsh with the foals, so I make sure his special somepony knows when he’s been naughty. Time Turner doesn’t always pay attention when he’s bothering everypony about being late, but it’s not hard to get him to be more considerate. And lots of ponies need hugs around town, and I’m glad to help give them now.
And eventually, I began to realize the gift I’d been given. In a world where so often we forget the feelings of others, I now was able to help make sure everypony could be kind to everypony else.
Just like they ought to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Initial Medical Report: Dr. House Call, Dr. Cassock, Dr. Lumination, Dr. Wile E as attending physicians. Regarding Patient: Fluttershy. Case Subject #00221, “Extreme Reality Warping” To: Princesses Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Luna, Cadence and Prince Armor Dr. Wile E as transcriber. WARNING: THIS DOCUMENT IS CLASSIFIED EQUESTRIAN INTELLIGENCE SERVICE SECRECY LEVEL BLACK.
ALL UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ARE FORBIDDEN TO READ, POSSESS, OR DISTRIBUTE THIS DOCUMENT UNDER PENALTY OF TREASON.
….. Which brings this document to Subject Fluttershy, the last of our “Reality Warper” victims known to us at this time.
Some background is required. At age six, Subject Fluttershy was diagnosed with Icarus Syndrome. At age ten, Acute Social Disorder. The cause of both of these conditions remains unknown. Her mother (Cherry Blossoms) and Father (Cloudstorm) are both fully healthy pegasi with no previous history of either disorder, so genetics are ruled out. Regardless, Fluttershy’s medical history is fraught with attempts by her parents to alleviate both conditions.
For those unfamiliar, Acute Social Disorder is a developmental condition which manifests itself as an inability to easily connect with other ponies in a social way. While initially dismissed as a function of her Icarus Syndrome amongst her peers, as her age progressed it became clear that Fluttershy was not making many friends, even amongst the lower status pegasi. Her connection to Rainbow Dash, a very high status pegasi, is now explained through the Elements of Harmony, but I digress.
It is the second condition on which we are now focused, since at age fourteen - upon the acquisition of her cutie mark - her condition was updated to better reflect her actual problem. The subject suffers from an extremely rare condition known as Zoonotic Social Transgression. Without going into the highly specific details, the subject in essence suffered from an unknown magical impact that caused the social aspects of her magic to focus not on ponies but on other animals. Which is to say, she can communicate and socialize with animals who otherwise cannot speak (Rabbits, bears, Squirrels, Birds, etc.) or are not considered social animals in and of themselves (Including Dragons, Windigos, Manticores, etc.) as easily as most ponies can communicate with other ponies, but cannot understand the unconscious body and magical language of pony social interaction.
Upon this discovery, her primary care physician informed her parents of the new knowledge, which they quickly decided to have sealed in her private records for reasons that have gone unrecorded in her medical files To this date, the subject remains unaware of the social condition she has lived with for most of her life. Instead, she remains of the belief that she is simply another victim of Acute Social Disorder.
Which brings us to her reality-warping condition. The subject has gained a hyper awareness of all social situations in her immediate vicinity to the point of being able to predict the shifting currents and patterns of social interactions in nearly all creatures we have subjected her to. Put another way, her incredible ability to read the body language and social structures of the animals she cares for has been extended to include nearly all living things we are aware of.
Even more astonishing, the subject seems capable of instantly comprehending the solution to such observations to achieve specific goals. Though at this time we are not certain what those goals are . While we have no further information, given the incredible mystery as to exactly how these abilities manifest themselves, we do have one last frightening fact that must be submitted for this report to be complete.
According to our resident energy expert, Doctor Luminous, Fluttershy has begun to exhibit many of the same energy radiations and signatures as Discord that we had previously believed were entirely unique to him. She has also exhibited far, far stronger magic than she previously had ever shown before and it may be possible that her Icarus Syndrome condition has been removed entirely, though we have not yet had time to confirm nor deny that assertion.
With all of the above information, this medical report is recommending that the subject be placed under immediate house arrest and observation until such time as the full extent of her transformation and effects can be understood. Above all other things, we recommend that she not be placed into a highly-charged social situation under any circumstances.There is quite literally no telling what she might be able to do… or what she might actually do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fluttershy - … Oh, dear. I went off on a bit of a rant, didn’t I? I’m so very sorry, your Honor.
Judge Rock - T-That’s quite alright, young lady. Please proceed as you see fit. I’m sorry I allowed my foul mood to taint my professional demeanor.
Fluttershy - Well, thank you, your Honor. Where was I? Oh. Yes.
Ponyville.
It’s a little town I've lived in for so long with so many problems. Yet the ponies there are so kind, so thoughtful to others. They so rarely turn astray from that kindness, and when they do it is almost never intentional. But sometimes we get guests from outside, and I wonder what the world must be like out there to create such sad creatures. I try to help them, of course, but… Well, It doesn't always work. Not like it ought to.
Like there was this one Manehatten couple that had come to speak to Rarity about a new dress, and they were looking around town with these big sneers on their faces. They were looking down on us and I knew that just wasn’t right, so I walked over to have a talk with them. At first, I wanted to get angry with them for being so dismissive but I couldn’t be anything but polite. I kept trying to tell them all the wonderful things about Ponyville and they refused to listen to me.
The stallion… I don’t remember his name, but he started insulting our town. Called it a lot of very mean names, and as much as I wanted to get mad… I just… I couldn’t. I kept smiling and gently trying to insist that he was mistaken in his assessment. More ponies stated to gather around me, and said some also not nice things to the couple. I told them to not do such things, that we’re above that sort of behavior, but nopony listened to me.
Things were starting to get ugly and… I remember wanting to be so very angry, and it just all vanished every time it came up. How could I be angry? They were just looking at the world the wrong way. They didn’t realize they were wrong. So… So I told them, “Maybe you need to go see more of the world before you judge this place, and realize just how special it is.” I said it in a very stern, motherly sort of voice.
And all at once, the stallion lost his sneer and his haughtiness and sort of took a step back. He looked shocked at me, as though he wasn’t quite sure what to say. But I wasn’t done yet. “These ponies aren’t so different from you.” I said, advancing on him and shaking my hoof in his face. “You need to see them how they really are. Walk a few miles in their shoes.” I continued. “You’re not so different. Or can’t you see that?”
The mare had fallen back too, and both of them looked awfully stricken. The stallion was crying a little even as he looked around into the crowd. I was going to say more but…
Discord - But then I cut in, as was needed, and whisked you away from that dreadful little argument. Really, Fluttershy. I thought I’d told you not to get involved in such kerfuffles.
Fluttershy - Well, somepony needed to show them.
Judge Rock - Show them what, Miss Fluttershy?
Fluttershy - Isn’t it obvious? They needed to be shown how to be Kind.
Author's Note
Sorry this one was late guys. Had a really crappy day yesterday.
Thanks to A3V For help getting this one sorted out to completion.
Case #[Classified], Part 2 - Fluttershy
~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse ~~~~
Judge Rock - I… beg your pardon?
Fluttershy - Oh. Dear me, I did it again, didn’t I?
Discord - Quite alright, dearie. Just keep it simple for his baldness. We don’t want to take up too much of the court’s time. We’ve got tea this evening, remember?
Fluttershy - Oh my, that completely slipped my mind… Well I suppose I’d better keep it quick then.
You see, that’s what happened to me. I became a personification of the very best things about me. But in exchange, I sort of… lost… some of the other things. See, I can’t… I can’t get angry at other ponies now. Even if they’ve done very bad things, they just need a little guidance to get back to doing good. Maybe they need to be punished, but I don’t think we need to go so far as prison… I mean, we’ve all made mistakes. Sometimes, we’ve made very bad mistakes.
I can’t hate them for what they did, since if I’d never have met Twilight and my friends who knows what I might’ve ended up as? There but for Celestia’s grace go I, you see. I can’t… This isn’t easy for me, you know? They’ve hurt lots and lots of other ponies, and some of them they’ve hurt very badly. I spoke to poor Bluefeather, and I understand why he’s so bitter and angry and wants revenge. But… But isn’t doing the right thing, no matter how hard it might be, supposed to be what an Element of Harmony does?
That’s what I wanted, isn’t it? To be able to finally help other ponies, to be able to do something good and right instead of just being dead weight all the time… Maybe I can’t be angry anymore. Or jealous. Or… or selfish. Or scared. M-maybe that’s the price I had to pay to be a pony that could finally stand up and do something about all the cruelties and injustices in the world. Maybe that’s why I’m here now, to make certain that all of these horrible things don’t end with more horrible things being done.
You understand, don’t you, your Honor?
Judge Rock - I mean… I suppose. You do realize this isn’t a trial, correct?
Fluttershy - That doesn’t mean there aren’t things we cannot do. We can talk to Fizzy and Quill, and maybe even Elegant. I’m certain once we’ve spoken to them they’ll understand what we’re trying to do for them.
Judge Rock - Miss Fluttershy, you are not making sense. What in the blazes has happened to you?
Fluttershy - I thought I’d… Hum. Maybe I need to be more explicit.
Imagine… Imagine one day you woke up, and all of those nasty negative emotions you had to deal with in your day-to-day life just ceased to exist. Well, except maybe frustration and boredom. I suppose those things will never cease to exist, no matter what we do. Hee. But… Anger, fear, doubt, despair… wel.. okay, the first three, anyway… Just gone. Why should I be angry or fearful of ponies who really don’t mean all the bad things they do or say? They’re just dealing with their own day to day problems. So I help them get past those nasty emotions so they can do positive things like love one another and forgive the thousand and one little mistakes we all make every day of our lives.
It seems so simple to me now, the solution to so many problems we have. We just need to be more kindly towards one another, we just need to take the time to stop and think about all of those petty emotions that make things so needlessly complicated. It’s… I know I sound crazy, I do. I know how hard it is to understand what it’s like to live without so many of the bad things that define our everyday lives.
Discord, Sombra, Chrysalis, Tirek… I can’t blame them anymore. I might’ve been mad at them once, but now? I just wonder if maybe we were doing things the wrong way… Weren’t we supposed to be better than them? Weren’t we supposed to try to find a better solution that didn’t demand violence? What if Chrysalis just wanted somepony to love her like Cadence loved Shining Armor? Or Sombra just needed someone who cared enough to listen to the pain he was so obviously struggling with? Couldn’t we have found a better solution?
But now… now I don’t need to ask that. I am the better solution. I’ve given up things so that nopony else has to, so that nopony else needs to be frightened or scared anymore. Maybe I can’t feel things the same way I used to and maybe It’s a little… a little strange sometimes when I see all sorts of problems, but can’t figure out how to fix them. And I… I…
Oh. Oh, my, I’m sorry… I just…
Double Scoop’s Notes - Fluttershy shudders for a moment on the stand. There is a tense moment before a pulse of sparkling pink energy sweeps through the room from where she’s sitting, and for a single moment I can feel myself floating in a blissful haze. It seems to go on forever, a floating feeling of absolute peace with the world around me, and then just as suddenly it’s gone.
Fluttershy - I am so very sorry, your Honor. Sometimes it’s difficult for me to deal with all of this… I suppose I didn’t really realize how important it was for me to be wary of places and situations like this before. It made it easier for me to get comfortable with them over time, even if it always seemed to take too long… but now, now I’m never afraid of them. I leap into them without thinking, smiling and happily talking to other ponies. Is this what Pinkie Pie feels like? So happy to see and be around other ponies? Does she feel scared and tense too, when she doesn’t know what to say or how to say it?
I don’t always know what’s going on with me anymore. Sometimes I feel like I’m not entirely in control of what I’m doing or who I am… I feel like the world is pressing in around me, begging me to help fix things… Like I ought to be doing more. And when I’m around other ponies, things are fine! They really are! It’s wonderful to be able to talk to other ponies, and go out and have fun without being scared. I went out dancing for the first time by myself a few weeks after I took the potion… I actually talked to a cute stallion without losing my mind.
And when I’m alone its… its not so easy. I’ve been lucky to have Discord around. He’s helped me so much, helped me stay okay when all these new powers and strangenesses got out of hoof. Helping me not lose hope. See… It was hard to understand at first how I couldn’t just help everypony. Discord helped me see that it wouldn’t be possible. I could only be in one place at a time, and I could only help so many ponies. Someponies wouldn’t want my help, even if I couldn’t understand why.
I mean, why wouldn’t everypony want to be kind and nice to everypony else? Why wouldn’t they want to help other someponies get past their own difficult emotions? What’s so wrong about imagining a world where nopony is going to hurt anypony else? Why is that a bad thing!? All I want to do is make everypony stop hurting each other and just get along!!!
Double Scoops Notes- I can feel the hair of my coat raising up, as though some kind of surge of power is flowing through the room. For just an instant, I debate if running or not is going to save me from whatever might come next. Instead, I decide to continue recording these events. I can but hope that they might prove to posterity what’s happened here if things go wrong. Fortunately, Discord lays a heavy paw on Fluttershy’s shoulder and the feeling of tension dissipates.
Discord - Fluttershy. Stop.
Fluttershy - I don’t- I can’t- I- I- I-..
You… I’m sorry, Discord. That was very rude of me. I… I seem to be making a mess of things again. I should… I should try to wrap things up, shouldn’t I?
I… I came here today to tell some things to my friend. To Twilight. Princess Twilight. So she’d understand why I need to say some other things. Twilght… I love you so dearly. You’ve been with me through thick and through thin. You’ve forgiven me without a single thought no matter how many times I’ve messed things up for us. You’re truly a wonderful pony, and everything you’ve gained is easily your just desserts and more.
Now… now I need to ask you to do something much harder. I need to ask you to forgive the poor souls that did this to us. I know it’s not simple or easy to do that, especially for you. I know how much it hurts for you to see me like this, to know what I’m going through every day. But I want you to know that I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to do this. I need to do this. For so long, I’ve been protected by you and by our other friends. By Rarity and Applejack… and Dashie. I’ve hidden behind all of you for so long, and now it’s my turn to be strong.
And I can do it too. I can be strong for everypony, just like you are. I can help other ponies solve their problems and become better friends and kinder ponies. I can finally be part of the solution and not just another scaredy pony who can’t even leave her house without being frightened by a stiff wind.
Maybe it’s not easy. I know that, I knew that long before I took that potion and I changed… It’s not easy being the pony everypony looks up to, or looks to for help. It’s not easy being out in public where everypony can see you when you mess up or do something frightening and they give you those wide eyed looks and… and… And I can handle that now. They’re not bad ponies. None of them are. They’re just scared, like I used to be. But they don’t have to be scared. I can show them how to not be so scared. I can show all of them.
And even if it hurts sometimes, and even if I feel so very alone… even if I know nopony is ever going to want me for a wife or have foals with me, I-i’ll be okay.. I’ve got a reason to go out and have fun now. I’ll be able to help others who’re like I used to be, and give them hope and help them find confidence. Little by little, I’ll bring kindness to all the ponies of Equestria one somepony at a time.
But I can’t do this without your help, Twilight. I need you to help me one more time. I need to stop this long string of pain and suffering by helping Elegance and Fizzy and Quill and Goldie. They need our help, Twilight. They need to be put on the proper path, shown how to be kind and gentle… They’ll learn from their mistakes, but only if we teach them instead of punishing them. Only if we forgive them for their sins…
Double Scoop’s notes - Fluttershy is surrounded by an aura of bright yellow and pink light as she descends from the stand. She walks to where Princess Twilight sits and grasps her hoof in her own. From where I sit, it is almost as though two powerful auras of magic are clashing into one another. Little sparks of magical force are shooting away from the pair of them, and Princess Twilight looks torn. Fluttershy continues to speak, a look of resolution and beatific serenity upon her face.
Discord - Fluttershy, stop!
Judge Rock - Miss Fluttershy, you are out of order!
Fluttershy - No! I’m not going to stop! This is what I was made for! This is what I am now! I’m going to save those ponies! I’m going to save all of the victims! I’m going to help them find peace with themselves and move on with their lives! What happens to me doesn’t matter anymore!
Princess Twilight - Fluttershy, what are you talking about?
Fluttershy - You need to listen to me, Twilight. You must listen. All of the pain and hatred and anger they’ve caused, it will just keep happening! If all we do is punish them without trying to help them, they’ll never learn. And another generation will grow thinking the only way to solve a mistake is to punish somepony for it. But we can stop it, Twilight. We can put an end to it right now. You, and me, together.
We can forgive them. We can show the entire world the power of forgiving somepony’s mistakes and helping them learn to never make those mistakes again. We can make everypony else who made that mistakes learn from it, instead of just being punished and causing more and more pain! We don’t need to cause more pain, Twilight! We can end pain, right here, right now!
You’ve always been willing to help others, Twilight. Even when it seemed hopeless for them, you wanted to help them. You even wanted to help Trixie, and she hurt you worst of all! We can put an end to it, Twilight. We can fix the world so that the Elements of Harmony won’t ever be needed again. With your help, we can make everyone understand the power of Kindness and Friendship. I know you can understand, Twilight. I know you will understan-
Discord - That’s ENOUGH!
Double Scoop’s Notes - Discord teleports across the room and grasps Fluttershy by the shoulders. She looks up in shock and disbelief for a moment. For a split second, the serenity falls away and reveals the frightened and desperate pony beneath it. An instant later, both of them are gone in a puff of ordinary smoke. Utter silence falls across the courthouse, and Twilight’s chest - heaving from taking in oxygen - slowly comes back to regular breathing.
Judge Rock - … Princess Twilight, are you Alright?
Princess Twilight - I’m… I’m fine, your honor. I need… I need to go find her. I need to find Fluttershy.
Judge Rock - Princess, you might be in danger!
Princess Twilight - Then we’re all in danger, Judge. And It’s my responsibility to deal with danger when it arises. This inquiry is over. The rest of you, go home. I need to go find my friend.
~~~~~Canterlot Castle ~~~~~
From the notes of Ms. Inkwell,
Princess Cadence sips her tea and speaks softly. “We’ve begun to get attention from some of the victims that weren’t on our initial list. Some of them have come forward willingly, while others have asked us to stay far, far away from them. It’s a pretty mixed bag, to be honest, and we think there’s a lot of others who simply are unaware that we know about them now.” She sets the teacup down and gives her aunt a frank look. “Sweet Tart has been exceptionally co-operative.”
The Princess nods. “I’m inclined to grant her her request. Making charges stick to Bluefeather would have been impossible anyway, and Golden Apple is not fit to stand trial.” She pauses, and smiles faintly. “I noticed Golden Apple in your livery by the way. That was very kind of you.”
Princess Cadence snickers. “She’s very enthusiastic. To be honest, I’m considering letting Princess Luna take care of her. She’s just too rowdy for my demure crystal ponies to deal with, and she’s been getting along famously with the Lunar Guard apparently.” Another pregnant pause, and she sighs faintly. “How’s Twily holding up?”
The Princess shakes her head. “Well enough. It’s not going to be easy on her once all of this excitement is over and she’s forced to realize we’re going to need to very carefully monitor two of her closest friends. I think she’s trying to come up with a solution to keep Rarity from doing anything… embaressing.”
Princess Cadence grins at her. “Like what? Climbing into Blueblood’s rooms in the dead of night and leaving him tied to the bed with a dildo shoved up his ass? And he swears it was consensual?” She giggles faintly. “It might be a bit disturbing to you, auntie, but I for one am glad to see someone finally put that fop in his place.”
The Princess sighs and munches on a cookie, and lets Cadence work out her giggles. Once the other princess is sober again, she speaks. “Amusing though you may find it, Cadence, I’m the one that needs to deal with the fallout. I worry about what she might do in a small community like Ponyville. Yet I have no legal recourse to force her to stay here in Canterlot.”
Princess Cadence shakes her head firmly. “Don’t even try it, auntie. I’d oppose you on that, and so would Luna. We’ll manage. You managed to keep me under wraps, even though I was the horniest teenager in history.” She smiles and pats Celestia’s shoulder. “We’ve got plenty of resources. Besides, she might prove to be an invaluable aid in our healing project.”
Princess Celestia nods once. “Mayhap. So many of these poor souls driven to some kind of sexual deviency… Is my kingdom that prudish, Cadence? Have I lost sight of my desire to make all forms of love acceptable, so long as they harm nopony?”
Cadence sighs. “There are a lot of old habits, auntie. A lot of old traditions and ingrained hatreds, not to mention laws that may be impossible to defeat without concentrated work. That’s why my plan has additional funding for allowing us to seek out other blighted individuals and help them find release and love without involving the public.”
The Princess turns to me, “Miss Inkwell, make a note. I wish to review the laws on sexual conduct later this evening, on a county-by-county level if necessary. I may have not been aware of this until today, but I shall be damned if I do nothing about it.”
Cadence nods at her, then pours more tea. “I am more worried about Fluttersh-”
Cadence is interrupted by a flash of violet magic and the appearance of Princess Twilight. Cadence drops the teapot, which clangs against the floor. “Cadence, Celestia, something happened to Fluttershy at the Inquiry!” Twilight bursts out, and Celestia and Cadence instantly are on their hooves.
Celestia speaking, “What was she doing-”
Cadence speaking, “No time to think about that, Auntie. Where did she go?”
Twilight speaking, “Discord took her somewhere, but she’s not in her cottage and she’s not anywhere in Ponyville!”
Celestia speaking, “Then I know where they’ve gone. Come close to me, we’ve not much time.”
The three princesses gather together, and vanish a moment later.
~~~~~The Castle of the Two Sisters ~~~~~
From the personal journal of Twilight Sparkle,
I’ll never forget the first time I saw her in her new form.
She’d been hiding it from all of us, somehow. Her magic was starting to equal and perhaps even exceed mine in terms of raw power. More and more, she was becoming like the spirit of Chaos who tenderly watched over her. Though her body was not warped and chaotic like his, but rather she had become a vision of a pegasus goddess of old. But instead of the form of a warrior, she had the look of a protector and guardian.
Her mane and tail were long and silken, and they brushed along the ground even when she stood up. Her wings vast and soft, ready to wrap around any creature who might need her aid. The animals, who had always been near her, now seemed to cuddle protectively up alongside her. Angel Bunny was watching on in the deepest of concern when we arrived, finally. Her eyes were quite literally luminious, and bright cyan in color. If one looked close enough, you could see the shimmering of magic written in every inch of her.
When we arrived, she looked up and the newness of her faded away. Then she turned her head back into Discord’s shoulder and continued to quietly sob. “She didn’t mean it, Twilight.” Discord said in the quietest voice I’d ever heard him use. “She’s just young. Her power isn’t entirely under her control yet, and the spirit she embodies is a passionate one. It wants to help the world so badly, it doesn’t really care what it’ll take.”
Princess Celestia took a step forward, and Discord shook his head. “No. She’s my responsibility, Celly. None of you have the power to truly deal with her like I can… Not yet anyway.” His eyes had traveled to me in that moment, and I wondered what he might know about me that I did not. Then he turned to Celestia. “You might be able to imprison her, or restrain her, or send her away… but they’d all be temporary measures. What she is can only be truly restrained in stone, and I will not allow you to do that to her.” His eyes blazed at us, fierce with protectiveness. I’d never seen Discord do that for anypony, not even Fluttershy… but he clutched her body against his like it was the most fragile treasure in the world.
Princess Cadence put a hoof on Celestia’s shoulder and shook her head. “Will she be okay?” She asked quietly, her concern obvious.
Discord nodded. “She’ll be fine. She just needs some time to cool down.” He paused, then gave us all meaningful looks. “Alone, for now. We’ll talk about how we can make sure she’s safe around other ponies later. But right now, her power is too raw for her to even look at any of us. So please, Go.”
It went against every instinct I had to leave that place, but the look in his eye was powerful enough to make me hesitate. Then Fluttershy spoke herself, her voice infinitely gentle. “I promise we’ll talk later, Twilight. Please just… let me stay here for a bit, okay?” The way her voice broke on the words, how could I deny her?
So we went back to the castle, in silence. There, I learned about Princess Celestia’s plans to help all of the victims of this terrible crime. And it was there that I learned about the fate of Lady Elegant and Quill Tip, the last two actors in this play that had yet to have their endings decided.
~~~~~~~~~
I chewed on my pen for a long time as the sun slowly arced through the sky. That days events weighed heavily on my mind. “What are you writing there, Mr. Scoops?” That was the Judge, an old drinking buddy of mine. We’d known each other since I was just a little colt reporter doing my first job for The Times.
“Trying to figure out how to write this into an article, yer honor.” I drawled back at him, and examined the end of my quill pen with disgust. I kept ruining these things by chewing on them, but I couldn’t help myself. My mom had always called the habit weird. “How do you talk about the birth of some goddess of Kindness in a newspaper article? Seems like the kind of thing you wouldn’t be able to put to words.”
The judge shook his head as he descended the steps of the courthouse. “If you would wish my advice, son? Don’t write about it. Don’t tell anypony what you saw there at the end. Tell a lie, or a story. Give them something to think about like the tragedies that have taken place, rather than the individuals who really wish to be left in peace. Personally, I am going to go home and have a nice hayburger and try not to think too hard about today.” He sighed. “I have a feeling it will be best that way.”
Maybe he was right. I nodded to him and he trotted on down the street, leaving me alone with my thoughts. After everything that had happened in this case, perhaps I oughtn’t to have been surprised. So I wrote what he told me to write - A lie. I pretended she’d run out of the courtroom. I pretended the Judge had called the Inquiry to a close. I did a lot of pretending that afternoon, but sometimes that’s necessary.
It may be that nopony will ever read this book. It might be that nopony will read it for a hundred years, and the meaning will be lost to ya. But if you are reading this now, if you’re seein the events the same way I saw em, then I got this to say. Sometimes, things happen and when they’re over the whole world is different. Sometimes, bad things happen and they scar us so badly that we can’t ever be the same someponies we were before.
It’s a hard lesson to learn, especially for young kids. We like to think anyone can bounce back from anything when we’re young. We like to pretend it doesn’t matter when we’re transformed from the inside out by circumstances beyond our control and that we’ll still be the same somepony we are inside. That horrible events don’t create horrible scars upon us. We like to pretend these things because it’s so much easier than living up to the truth.
That when bad things happen, they change us. Sometimes, they change us into things we never were before. This case changed me too. This is the first time I’ve ever not told the public about what happened in a courtroom, and instead made up a story. Even if I made it up to protect other ponies, I did somethin’ that I previously never would’ve done.
Maybe there’s a lesson in that, somewhere.
I stood up from the steps and walked towards the Lunar district. A hayburger sounded pretty good right then, and I had a lot to write about… and think about.
-Double Scoop, reporter for the Equestria Times. “The New Life Placement Agency - The Rise and Fall of the Case of the Century.”
Author's Note
Epilogue to come. New project announcement on Sunday.
EIS Classified Files - Epilogue
Equestrian Intelligence Service File #3326 Name: Elegant Step Race: Unicorn Official Status: Escaped, On the run. Actual Status: Classified - Top Secret Case Worker - Silent Service File Status: CLOSED - Secrecy Level BLACK.
EIS Interrogation File - Princess Luna, Silent Service, Elegant Step. Recording #01
The recorder cuts on. A gravelly, hard voice speaks
“Case File Three-three-two-six. Elegant Step.”
A second voice joins in, Princess Luna
“Former Lady Elegant. Have you seen today’s papers? You’re quite the escape artist, it seems.”
The sound of smacking paper onto the table. Silence for a moment, then Princess Luna speaks again.
“Don’t give me that look. Would you rather I walk you into the middle of Unity Square and behead you?”
Lady Elegant finally speaks, her voice harsh.
“Am I not already dead, Princess?”
Princess Luna tsks, and replies,
“No, you are not. Whatever you may have heard of me, I do not kill without cause. Were you in my sisters hooves, I could not make the same guarantee given what you have allowed to occur.
Regardless, your life is now firmly in your own hooves. You will be permitted to choose to live or to die. I frankly care not which one you choose, as justice will be served no matter what and I truly have no desire to spend a single moment upon you that I do not need to.”
Silence reigns for a time, then Elegant speaks again.
“Why ask me so many questions then? What’s the point of trying to find out why I did this if you don’t care?”
Princess Luna hums, then speaks.
“Fascination, I suppose. It is not often I witness one of our ponies so fundamentally broken on the inside. In her own strange way, Fluttershy was correct. You are a pitiable pony, even as you are one I wish to rid these lands of forever. You cannot understand how your desires harmed others, and nor do you care. You care only about fulfilling those desires without consideration to the consequences.
And besides, once I might have been not unlike you. Obsessed with a power you could never have, and given access to its heady draught without understanding the consequences. And once you had said power, you feared to lose it.”
Silent Service coughs once.
“Elegant Step, we do not allow any scrap of information to pass unregarded in our line of work. Personal feelings about your actions are ultimately irrelevant to the insights we might gain by understanding you.”
Elegant huffs, then speaks faintly.
“I’d rather not die yet, thank you.”
There is a creaking chair, and the sound of shuffling papers. Princess Luna speaks.
“I am rather not surprised at that. Some individuals will be in shortly to begin your transition. I would recommend you do not give them trouble.”
The sound of a door opening and closing, hooves against a stone floor. The Princess speaks again.
“You disapprove, Silent Service?”
A wheezy chuckle comes from Silent Service.
“No, I find the punishment to excellently fit the crime. It will be amusing to see how she adjusts to the life of a utterly powerless servant and commoner. I simply remain disappointed our foe was so… base and simple. Such a fascinating case with such an anticlimactic ending.”
The Princess snorts in an unladylike fashion before speaking.
“Most of the truly terrible criminals throughout our history have been thus. It is always those who hide behind rationalizations that are just barely plausible enough that are the worst. Often they are even rationalizations we ourselves might use. That is what makes them so terrible, to realize how thin the line is between us… and them.”
More waking, before Silent Service speaks again.
“It is not like our hooves are clean, Princess.”
The Princess sighs.
“You are correct, Silent Service. But what we do now, we do for Equestria and for all of those souls who have been warped by these events. They have suffered enough. The time has begun to start healing them, and that cannot happen with these events hanging over their heads.”
The sound of another door opening, and the Princess speaks just before the recording cuts.
“You are to begin the procedure immediately. I wish her transformation to be as complete as possible. Transfer her to the Castle when you are done and place her in Teakettle’s care, she shall see to ensuring she finds her proper place.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Equestrian Intelligence Service File #3327 Name: Quill Tip Race: Pegasus Official Status: Escaped, On the run. Actual Status: Classified - Top Secret Case Worker - Silent Service File Status: CLOSED - Secrecy Level BLACK.
EIS Interrogation File - Princess Luna, Silent Service, Quill Tip. Recording #01
The recorder cuts on. A gravelly, hard voice speaks
“Case File Three-three-two-six. Quill Tip.”
A slightly panicked, high pitched voice cuts in. Quill Tip, speaking rapidly.
“I dunno what the buck you think you can do, but I’m not gonna take this shit anymore! I want my lawyer, and I want my cell back, and just who do you think you are that you think you can do this-”
Princess Luna speaks very loudly here, disrupting the recording device for three seconds.When recording resumes, she is speaking.
“... - Have your attention, you will sit down and be silent. Disaster Chaser shall not be forced to sully his name attempting to defend the indefensible. You are here for the same reason Elegant was brought here.”
Quill Tip sputters and tries to speak apparently in profanities - but is quickly stifled, and Princess Luna speaks again.
“When you can speak like an adult, I shall remove the gag. Until then, allow me to recount why you are here. You failed to report multiple violations of Equestrian law to the guard, you failed to assist in the investigation against your former employer, and you withheld vital evidence which might have been used to bring this disaster to a speedy resolution. You may not be culpable for the crimes of your employers, but you are certainly guilty by association to them.”
Silence reigns for a minute, then Quill Tip speaks quietly.
“I already told that dickbag next to you, I didn’t know what they were doing, okay? I’m just a friggin secretary. I got hired to bring in customers, and that’s what I did.”
Silent Service snorts shortly before speaking.
“I have more than sufficient evidence to the contrary, Mister Tip. You would be better served providing us with the information we have requested than trying to dodge responsibility for your actions. We do not have much in the way of physical description for these victims, but you are quite quick to brag about your nigh-photographic memory. If you provide our sketch artists with assistance in finding all of our victims, you shall ameliorate some of your crimes and be treated accordingly.”
Silence hangs again, this time for several long minutes before Quill Tip speaks again.
“I want my fuckin lawyer.”
Princess Luna slams her hoof into the table here, nearly disrupting the recorder again.
“You do not seem to be aware of the gravity of your situation, Quill Tip. There will be no trial. There will be no prosecution. The public at large will be encouraged to forget about you and the other perpetrators so that we might move down the path of healing. You will co-operate, or steps will be taken to ensure your cooperation.”
More sullen silence. The Princess speaks in a low, harsh voice.
“We know what you and Elegant were planning to do, Quill Tip. Did you honestly believe we would allow you two to openly blackmail members of the Celestial Courts in order to secure leniency? Did you truly think my sister would allow you to drag the victims across the stand and use their sorry state as a weapon against the case? That I am giving you any chance at all is a function of Silent Service’s need for what you know.”
Even more silence, then Luna speaks in crisp tones.
“Very well. We shall do this the hard way. Silent Service, dispatch this blackguard and let us attend to more profitable lines of investigation.”
A chair scratches and Silent Service sighs tiredly. A few moments later, there is the sound of sudden struggle and squeaking of wood, with Quill Tip speaking loudly.
“Wait, wait! I don’t…! I swear! I’ll talk! Gach!”
Hooves scrabble against the floor, the sound of grunting. Princess Luna speaks.
“I am afraid you have given me no reason to actually believe that. Goodbye, Quill Tip, I have far more important things to attend to than your sorry self.”
Quill Tip is heard breaking into unintelligible screams and sobs
“I’ll - gah - talk! Holy sun and moon, I swear! Please! Please!”
There is a brief moment of silence, then a gasp of air and panting. Silent Service speaks.
“You have five minutes to Impress me before the Princess comes back.”
A soft muttering sound, then the recorder abruptly cuts off.
~~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ ~~~~~
Investigation Recording #45, NLPA Final
Detective Tracer - So they’re seriously gonna use the old building for it?
Prince Armor - Cadey seems to think it might be a way to draw in the reluctant ones. Give them something familiar to come back to, a way of tying off what happened.
Detective Tracer - Makes a certain amount of sense. Pft. At least I don’t have to file all those bloody prosecutorial reports.
Prince Armor - You don’t sound very happy about that, Tracy.
Detective Tracer - I’m not. This isn’t the way the system is supposed to work, Shiny. I don’t like it when the system is fucked over because of stuff I can’t control, especially not when my own frellin’ boss is the one who’s doing it.
Prince Armor - What did you want them to do, Tracy? We both know where this would’ve ended up if it’d gone to court.
Detective Tracer - That ain’t the point, Shiny. Celestia built this legal system to make sure everypony got a fair shake. It didn’t matter who they were or what they’d done, everypony gets a trial. Period, no exceptions. I’ve had to deal with enough crap in the courts because of rich nobles and business ponies using their clout to get the charges dropped or reduced. We’re supposed to be the good guys, damnit. We’re supposed to be above this.
Prince Armor - But the consequences-
Detective Tracer - Would’ve been fuckin’ disastrous. I know that, you fuckin’ whorse. I know she’s doin this to protect the poor fucks who got screwed by all of this and that it’s the right thing to do for their sakes, but that doesn’t fuckin’ make it legal. And don’t you DARE fuckin start on that whole Royal Supremacy Clause thing. I know that fuckin makes it legal if she fuckin’ says so but… Fuck!
Prince Armor - Tracy…
Detective Tracer - This is why I stayed a detective, Shiny. This is why I never took promotions to officer. To keep my fuckin’ nose out of the dirty business like this, to keep myself on the ground where I could do some actual good out here. ….
Don’t gimme that look, Shiny. I’m not going to break silence or go to the press or anything stupid like that. All that’ll do is get me put in a cell, and a world without somepony like me to keep fightin for the law is a poorer world. I’m pissed off, not suicidal. We were supposed to be better than this, and we’re not and that fuckin’ hurts. But I’ll get over it. I’ve gotten over worse.
Prince Armor - The Princess will listen to you if you speak to her, Tracy.
Detective Tracer - She might. She just might. But it’s already too fuckin’ late to change this one. I dunno. Maybe I’ll go up the hill and have a word with her later. Right now, I need to get away for a while and cool the fuck down. Right now, I’d just come across as a fuckin’ spaz.
Here’s that file. That’s all of my case notes, all of the recordings we made for things. I’ve included my final report on the damages, an some suggestions for dealing with the aftermath. I’ll be back on the job in a month. I’m goin to see my family up in Dunland.
Prince Armor - Your Dad wouldn’t have put up with this at all, you know?
Detective Tracer - Heh, pops would’ve been up at the castle screamin’ his fuckin head off. Thats why he retired early. But I believe we can make the system better only if we keep workin on it.
….
You take care of your sister, Shiny. You hear me? She’s gonna need you around for a while, so don’t go running back to that pretty little princess castle of yours until things are settled. Times like this, the only thing we can be sure about is our family.
~~~~~~~~~~
From Princess Twilight Sparkle, To The Royal Placement Assistance Agency staff and administrators, The Celestial Courts, and all other interested parties.
My fellow Equestrians,
We are never stronger than when we stand together against tragedy and loss. The events of the New Life Placement Agency have rippled their effects down throughout our entire society. The victims of these fiendish acts have been harmed so irrevocably that our only hope to find reconciliation is to band together and find a way to give them as much of their lives back as we can.
To this end, the Royal Council has formed The Royal Placement Assistance Agency . A new initiative to provide the victims of magical contamination, corruption and inborn defects a way to find a happier and more secure place within Equestrian society. This Agency will seek to assist in providing employment assistance, long-term treatment and secure living quarters and means to those who have been irrevocably affected by powers beyond their control.
This initiative will also provide the first national care assistance to those suffering from Unsolvable Genetic Defects, such as Brittle Horn Disease, Icarus Syndrome, and Social Inadaptate Disorders. New facilities and local liaisons will be provided to ensure these individuals can live healthy and full lives regardless of previous societal prejudices or preconceptions. From the darkness of the New Life Agency, we shall bring the light of hope to countless ponies across Equestria.
The road ahead of us will be long. There are so many who have suffered horribly, and it will be difficult to find the proper solutions so that they are not denied their right to freedom and happiness and yet pose no consequence to others. But we will find our way, as we always have before: Together.
~~~~Canterlot Castle ~~~~
“What do you think?”
Princess Celestia examined her document, short though it was, for several long minutes. Twilight was too exhausted to squirm, so she simply sat and waited, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hooves and hoping that sleep was not too far into her future. “This will do very nicely, Twilight. Well written.” Celestia smiled brightly at her, and that always raised her spirits a bit.
“What are we going to do about Rarity?” Twilight asked of her, taking the scroll and hoofing it off to be duplicated by unicorn mages who were somehow awake at this ungodly hour. “She’s slipped past the very best wards and defenses we could possibly put around her home. I don’t think a way exists to contain her without physical guards every fifteen feet, and even that might not be enough.”
Celestia sighed softly. “I am working on a few possible solutions, but so far she has apparently done no actual harm to those she’s encountered. I’ve had Prince Blueblood thoroughly raked over by our very finest physicians, and they indicate no sign of magical compulsion. It seems Rarity is simply capable of convincing a given pony to let go of their restraint, and then simply letting them do as they please to her… or with her, as the case was with Blueblood.”
Twilight winced away at that. The very idea of some strange pony doing those things to Rarity was… Ugh. She shivered. She’d have to get used to it, but that didn’t mean it would be easy. “Maybe we can start up a group of volunteers? We can keep her inside and well supplied with new adventures, and that way we can keep her from doing anything… Illegal.” Like perhaps going into a teenagers room or something ridiculous like that. Twilight genuinely didn’t want to contemplate the possible consequences of THAT.
Celestia nodded. “We’ll put the question to the Placement Board as soon as we’ve gotten the administration settled in. We found a solution for Daisybloom, we can find one for Rarity. I promise.” She shuffled some papers and shook her head. “Fluttershy will need to be left in Discord’s care. Yet in some odd way, I am happy things ended up this way.”
Twilight stared at her, and Princess Celestia smiled faintly. “Did you not see the look on his face when he held her, Twilight? We have found, perhaps at long last, the one thing that shall keep Discord on the straight and narrow for good. They will balance one another out in a way neither could possibly have done before, Twilight.” She set her papers down and gently took Twilight’s shoulders, hugging her slightly. “And so long as they have one another, they will find a way through. I am certain of it.”
Maybe she was right. “But who’s going to help me find a way through, Princess?” The words felt miserable as they fell out of her mouth, but what else could she say? She was exhausted from trying to maintain a happy veneer through the proceedings. And now she had no work to grasp onto, nothing to keep her busy. What would become of her friendship to them? What would become of her friendship to all the rest of her friends?
Celestia gently embraced her, and she felt the tears and sobs come without much fanfare. “We will find a way, Twilight.” Celestia murmured softly, gently nuzzling her cheek to hers. “We always do, somehow.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Over the next decade, I would spend my time following and reporting on the stories of those who had been a part of The Case of the Century. Over those ten years, a full seventy percent of the victims would eventually come forward and ask the Royal Placement Assistance Agency for help in dealing with the effects of their conditions. Many of those stories I have already recounted in this book, and many others you can find in my personal files. Some of those stories weren’t fit for public printing, but I recorded them anyway.
As I sit here now on the edge of my retirement, I find myself musing over those many different tales. Some sexual, some tragic, some simply strange. The New Life Placement Agency brought out both the best in us and the worst in us as ponies, and in a strange way, without them we might never have changed for the better as a society. Sometimes, tragedies must occur for the world to become stronger for them.
But for now, this is the end of the story. While the ultimate fate of Fizzy Pop’s alchemical experimentation or the story of Rarity The Demoness or Fluttershy the Spirit of Kindness have yet to be fully told, they are stories not meant to be told by me. Neither are the full tales of some of the victims of the NLPA. Someone else will tell them, someday. When the wounds are not so freshly scabbed, or the circumstances not so bizarre. Somepony else who was closer to those stories than I was will recount them, and the world will become the stronger for it.
As to Lady Elegant and Quill Tip… Well, I did manage to finally get an interview with both of them. It took me a long time to find them, to dig them out of the hole that they were buried into. But… The world isn’t ready for those stories either. Elegant in particular had changed a lot from the first time I’d seen her, and I must be suspicious about the lense through which she now views her reasoning.
For now, I close on these final thoughts. So often, we are at the mercies of our fantasies. At the mercy of the worlds and scenarios we desperately would wish ourselves to be in, not understanding the bad that must always come with the good. We often seek to satiate our own desires without care for the suffering that others might undergo as a result of those desires. It is a lesson we often need to remember, that when we fantasize about things that would be a dream for us… they may very well be a nightmare for others.
- Double Scoop, Final notes
Author's Note
And so ends The Placement Agency.
While there may be questions unanswered, they are not answers I can personally give. This story, as I intended to write it, ends here.
Someday, another author may come along and decide to tell the story of other victims, or perhaps they will tell more of Rarity or Fluttershy's stories.
If you are interested in that, feel free to contact me and give me your ideas.
Coming up next, well... something a bit lighter than this.
I hope some of you, at least, enjoyed this work as much as I enjoyed writing it.
And I remain, ever humbly yours, Lapis-Lazuli.
Case #0023, Part 2 - Bluefeather
~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse ~~~~
Temporary Adjournment
“At least he seems to be a lot better wound than poor Daisybloom was.” Twilight grumbles, rubbing at her eyes.
“He’s actually tearing himself up inside getting this out.” Cadence quietly observes, gazing at the door with concern. “But he’s determined to hold himself together, and that might be enough. Have we managed to figure out what triggers his…change?”
Twilight puts her head into her hooves, glaring at the floor. “We think it’s got something to do with his body interpreting the desires of the ponies around him. It’s some kind of magical detection field, not unlike how your love magic works. We tried to keep the number of purely straight males in the courtroom high, so right now he’s a beautiful mare since that’s what they want to see. And with too many subjects, the magic can’t focus on drawing any one of them in more than a lustful gaze or two,” She snorts heavily. “But if he’s isolated, it responds specifically to whoever’s in the room that isn’t him, and then it draws them in. We literally can’t leave him alone with anypony who’s given to his particular desires. Unlike Daisybloom, he actually changes at the drop of a hat. The speed of the physical change is accelerating too.”
Cadence stays silent for a moment, then speaks softly. “How bad is the attraction?”
Twilight glances up, keeping her own voice low. “I was behind six layers of enchantment shielding, and I started feeling the effects within thirty seconds of being alone with him.” she shivers faintly. “I’m not going to lie, Cadence. I wanted to give in to the things that field was suggesting I do to him. And the things it was suggesting...”
Cadence bites at her lip. “He’s not even close to the worst of it. When I think about what Rarity does now… What are we going to do about these ponies, Twilight?”
Twilight shakes her head. “We need to talk to this Fizzy Pop. In private.” She glances at the bailiff. “Today.”
~~~~~Later… ~~~~~
Bluefeather - When I finally got out of my haze three days later, my kitchen was empty and I was a new mare. Literally.
This is where things get rough on me folks. It’s hard to talk about this stuff, since, yanno, I still mostly look like myself? But… I look just different enough every time I look in the mirror that it’s kinda whiplash inducing. Anyway, I knew things were bloody wrong and I knew I needed help. Once I was sure that I could fly without crashing into a wall, I got out of my house as fast as my pretty tail could take me.
I flew for Canterlot Hospital. I didn’t know what that potion had done to me, but that was the first place I could think of to go. I wasn’t thinking of much beyond blind panic. I flew as hard as I could, and went straight to the emergency magic ward. It was empty, like it usually is, since magical emergencies don’t happen that often… but there were a couple of doctors always on call there. A unicorn stallion and an earth pony stallion, I remember it real clearly. That was the first time I was ever… seized by my new self.
When I landed, and I took my first steps towards them… My walk was different. I was swaying my hips like a courtesan, and smiling gorgeously. I remember the smile, because I could feel it turning up in my face. The two doctors turned to look at me, and they looked like somepony had hit them with a piece of wood across the back of the head. “I need some help…” I cooed, like somethin’ out of a movie. “Can either of you big, strong stallions help me?”
It didn’t matter that we were in a hospital. Didn’t matter that they were on the clock. None of it mattered. They helped me, alright. They pumped me and pumped me, and I moaned and I screamed, and I loved it and hated it all at the same time. I had three stallions at once, that day. The Janitor walked in on us and didn’t even stop to do more than pull his overalls down. It was my first time gettin’ triple teamed, and it sure as buck wasn’t the last.
For months, I kept tryin’ to find help, an’ I never could figure out why every time I was alone with somepony I turned into this… sex machine. Everywhere I went, I always ran into ponies who just wanted to buck me. Oh, they were always super nice about it, an’ everypony I met loved the way I dressed but… Nopony ever listened when I said somethin’ was horribly wrong.
Like, I even did experiments! I was fine whenever I was in a big crowd! I went back to my job, scared that I was gonna get noticed, but nopony seemed to care. They just ignored my sexy new body an’ let me get on with the weather work. With so many ponies around, I expected an orgy. Instead, I got admiration an’ nothin’ else. That was the only solution I could come up with, so I isolated myself for a while.
I got up, I went to work, an’ I came home. I made sure nopony ever caught me alone, except my Landlord. If I was gonna be cursed like this, at least I could try and save the bits to get uncursed by payin’ for rent with tail. Not that I much minded the release, but…
I couldn’t do it forever. I’m a social pony, it’s who I am. I got lonely. But if I kept nosin about town, sooner or later I was gonna run into ponies who might not decide to leave me alone after a taste. Who the buck could I talk to about turning into some kind’a perv magnet? Then it hit me: The Agency.
That was her scam, you know? Elegant. The bitch. She didn’t do it to everypony, but when she got somepony like me or Daisy, she used us to keep drawin’ in more ponies for her sick little games. I got to see plenty, you better fuckin’ believe it. Didn’t matter if I was a pretty little sissypony or the bitchin’ hot mare, I saw it all. I’ll fuckin’ tell you, you shits. I tried gettin’ help long before Daisy ran for it! Nopony believed me! Fuckin’ royal guards turned me away at the door! You got any fuckin’ idea how fucked up…
Hhhn….hhhhhhn….
Doesn’t fuckin’ matter. I’m so fuckin’ scared of being alone in the same room as anypony now that it doesn’t matter. I look into everypony’s eyes an’ I can see them turnin’ on. Like an engine, the gears teeth grabbin’ each other. I can feel my body and my mind lurchin’ towards them, ready for the next pony to fuck. I get nightmares at night, that someday I'm gonna end up with somepony who’s got a fantasy about keepin’ a cum-addict slave in their basement… and I’m never gonna see the light of day again. An’ whats worse? I might even enjoy it. Trapped in my own fuckin’ mind. I’m so scared of bein’ alone with ponies, but at the same time I keep wanting to be close to ‘em.
Fix me. Yeah, she sure fuckin’ fixed me alright.
I can’t… I need a minute. Can I get a fuckin’ minute?
~~~~Canterlot Prison and Holding Cells ~~~~
After all of the monsters she’s fought over the years, after all of the demons and shadow-kings and Discords she’s taken on, it’s kind of odd to be looking at a regular and seemingly innocuous pony as though he’s worse than all of them combined. He sits there, watching her with an intelligent and calculating sort of gaze, as still as a martial artist in meditation. “It’s a complex polymorphic responsive, since you’re so curious.” He says with a suddenness that makes her jump a little.
He adjusts his spectacles, which he’s refused to wear in court, for some bloody reason. “The most brilliant idea I’d ever had, and I’ve had quite a few brilliant ideas over the years. Use dried Discordite crushed with crystal dust to provide the base, refined white sugar, mugwump, and parasprite fuzz to handle the magical concentrations involved, mill into a powder, sift well, bake at six hundred degrees with charcoal for fifteen seconds to bubble the sugar and slightly deform the crystal particles. Mix into essence of rosewater and distilled rainbow juice, and add yeast for carbonation.” His eyes gleam. “The carbonation is the real trick, you see? It’s a powerful catalyst, even though no alchemist has used it for about sixteen centuries. They think it’s uncontrollable, but it’s really just a matter of putting it into a controlled environment and watching very… very carefully.”
His screed hits her like a wrecking ball as she sits across the table from him. He chuckles faintly. “Admittedly, the potion itself is extremely variable. Not at all suited to the purpose I’d originally planned it for, but once Miss Elegant had seen its effects she was adamant that we continue with the experiment. Given that she was providing me with funding and the vital ingredients for my real work, I wasn’t left with much choice.”
Twilight stares at him, before finally shaking off her shock to growl. “What do you mean ‘real work’? Are you talking about all those drugs you sell to those naive fillies and-”
Fizzy Pop huffs softly. “Miss Twilight, please. I am an academic at heart, not a profiteer. Anything I ever sold was to further my research into genetically unsolvable conditions. I ceased providing the dealers with goods once I had a patron.”
That makes her blink. Twice, actually. “Wait… you were trying to cure GUC’s? With experimental alchemy?” She balks a little, staring at the strange pony. This is insane. Everypony knows the best research for those conditions was in ritual magical treatments and years of therapeutic magic!
“Of course I was. My mother has suffered from Acute Horn Fragility since I was a boy. I’ve had colleagues with everything from Icarus Syndrome to Magical Blockage Disease. Every one of my foolish professors seemed to think I was mad for trying to actually solve problems like hers with my genius. They said there was nothing anypony could ever do outside of expensive magical ritual tomfoolery.” He snorts derisively.
Twilight stares at him again, wondering why she couldn’t dispel the shock. He’s insane, pure and simple. Whatever genius he’s gotten in making his potion, he’s talking about doing things that simply weren’t possible. So she takes a deep breath. “What does the bloody potion do?” she growls, beginning to lose her patience with this madpony.
He blinks. “I told you, it’s a polymorphic responsive. It reacts differently to everypony's physiology and mental state.” He huffs again. “The reason it’s so uncontrollable is that it seems to latch on to conscious magic and thoughts, rather than the unconscious magic I was aiming for. I don’t know why it does that. I was in the middle of my research when your foolish brother trampled all over my notes.” His eyes narrow to a glare. “I want you to deliver a message to the Princess for me.”
She simply arches an eyebrow at that, and he smiles. “I want you to tell them that if they allow me to continue with my research, I ought to be able to assist you with reversing the effects of my potions. Not all of them, mind. That’s likely impossible.” He scratches at his chin. “But the worst of them, at the very least. What’s more, I may be able to find a breakthrough in my other research and help countless other ponies who I could not were I to be killed or imprisoned.” He leans in, eyes gleaming. “I am given to understand a little filly you know suffers from Icarus Syndrome, after all.”
And with that, he closes his eyes and began to breathe rhythmically. Certain she isn’t going to get anything more constructive out of him, Twilight stands and leaves the room. Things are even worse than she’d imagined, and now all she can do was get to work in the hopes that somehow she can find a way around the madness of his works.
~~~~~~~~~~
Judge Rock - Mister Bluefeather, I wish you to know that this court expects no further testimony from you on these matters today.
Bluefeather - Beggin’ your pardon, your Honor, but fuck that. I came here to give you the whole fuckin’ story, and I’m gonna give it. You can buy me a drink when I’m done if it’ll make you feel better.
{The witness grimaces, clutching a book in his hooves.}
Bluefeather - Fuckin’ Celestia knows I’m gonna need one.
Prince Armor - I’ll provide, buddy.
Bluefeather - Much obliged. Now lemme get this crap off of my chest once and for all.
~~~~~~~
You gotta understand somethin’.
I’m not like, obsessed with sex. Yeah, I like a good bang same as any stallion does, but it’s not somethin’ I couldn’t live without. I had a desire I wanted fulfilled, and that was all. Show me somepony who doesn’t have somethin’ they want passionately, an’ I’ll show you a pony who’s dead inside. What happened to me, though? That wasn’t fulfilling a wish. That was a monster getting her kicks off of giving ponies more than they’d bargained for, and delighting in the results.
So like I said, I went back and after talkin’ to Golden Apple, I found out the scam. Every so often, the Lady would pick a pony who had a desire focused on sex and she’d give ‘em an extra strong mickey so they’d have no choice but to lean on her or end up livin’ in a box. It ain’t to say she didn’t fuck over ponies who wanted somethin’ other than sex but… well, I’m gonna let Lemon speak for herself. Elegant would get paid by guys lookin for easy dates who didn’t want the stink of a whore on ‘em, but were perfectly willing to pay for the same privileges. Unlike poor Daisy though, I still had most of my mind.
I walked back into that place, and I put my dick on the table, and made it clear that I didn’t want any part of this bullshit, but I couldn’t stand being alone in my apartment anymore. I’d decided to make the most of my life, but I wanted pay for it and I wanted pay big time. Elegant thought she held all the cards on me, but I had a Princess up my sleeve. If she didn’t gimmie what I wanted, I was gonna walk my ass right into Canterlot Castle and fuck whoever it took to get me inside, walk right up to the Princess and let the magic take its course.
Why didn’t I do that in the first place? Because I wasn’t keen on spending my days in a dungeon just because I’d wanted to make a point. For all I knew, it might not’ve even worked. Nopony before had seemed to see anything wrong with suddenly wanting to buck my brains out, and it was a hard risk to take when Royalty gets involved. But Elegant was scared crapless of the Princesses and what they could do. So yeah, I cut a deal with her. I got a piece of the action when I got… sent out, and she would guarantee I’d get to socialize with ponies without ending up as the party favor. In return, I wouldn’t make a suicide run on the Castle. We shook hooves on it, and that was about three or four months after I got turned. That started my time with the company.
Now I’m gonna get to the heart of what I wanted to say. I know this has been a lot of bullshit buildup, but I had to say some of this so I could say the rest of it. It might’ve sounded like I’ve been all about what that… bitch did to me. What she turned me into. What I’ve become. I don’t even know what fuckin’ gender I am anymore, not for real. I never probably will either, cuz I change anytime it seems like somepony WANTS me to change and I get no fuckin’ say in it. And yeah, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t gotten a thrill out of some of this. I’d be fibbin’ if I didn’t say the sex wasn’t mind blowing and awesome, and when I’m really in it? You’d be hard pressed to get me to say bad about anypony involved in this. Sexual pleasure’s got a way of short-circuiting our sense for a little while.
And right here, right now, I’mma say it. None of that matters one fuckin’ bit, because I’ve got no say in any of it. An’ when I’ve got my mind together, like I do tonight? There are times I’ve thought about huntin’ down a knife and puttin’ an end to this once and for all. But I haven’t, because I’m not gonna let this bitch win. I bided my time. I kept my eyes open. Now I finally get to look her in the eye and grin like a motherfucker, because I know what’s gonna happen to her next. She’s gonna get what she deserves, and I only hope they let me fuckin’ watch. Because sooner or later, the bill comes due. Sooner or later, the shit other ponies do to you builds up and eventually, when you get the chance? Even for a second? You hit back with every fuckin’ thing you have.
Because folks, I saw what else this bitch did. I saw her destroy the minds of some good kids because they were mockin’ her fancy dress. I saw her tear up couples just for spite. Saw her do things to someponies that I can’t even talk about without wantin’ to puke. An I’ve got it all written down, name for name and word for word. Every one of the thousands she hurt over those two years I was with the Company. I did what I could for some of ‘em. I tried stopping her when I could. I ain’t entirely blameless in some of these matters, you see. I let some of this shit happen because I couldn’t figure out how to stop her without endin’ up in jail or worse.
I came here today to finally pony up. I thought stayin’ quiet would be alright. I’d pass on the evidence and let the system do the rest. I thought I could walk away, scot-free cuz I wasn’t really behind any of this. But you folks don’t know the whole truth. You don’t know everything that went down at this place, or why it turned into the clusterfuck that it did. You don’t know why Daisy ran, and what Elegant got up to in the end. This book… this book I’m holding tells you some of that story. Sweet Tart will give you the rest of it, but you need to know my part first. I’m not afraid of what’s awaitin’ me at the end of this anymore. I got no more regrets. But I feel like I gotta say somethin before this is over.
Sometimes, we end up in a place where we don’t wanna be. That place can be real bad, even if nopony can see it from the outside, and even if nopony cares, that place can be so real to you that you don’t see a way out of it. I was in that place, and it wasn’t till I’d given my testimony that I realized I’d become nothin’ but a weak-willed coward, trying to hide behind tragedy after livin’ in that place for so very long. So here I am. I’m owning up. I turned into a monster, same as these fucks in front of me and I admit it. But sometimes you need a monster to slay another monster. So here. Take this book. Take it, and go help all the poor fuckin’ souls that got caught by this.
I’m giving myself up. I’d like to be taken into custody now. And I’d like that drink, if it’s still on offer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“How Many?”
The hollow-sounding words from Celestia’s throat echo throughout the chamber inside of Canterlot Court House. The three Princesses, one Prince, and one Judge sitting within are staring at the cloth bound book labeled “Special Customers, New Life Placement Agency.” It sits innocently on the table, staring at them all accusingly. This has gone beyond a trial now. This is on the verge of becoming a full-blown national catastrophe.
“Assuming the numbers are right? Two thousand, three hundred and eighty-two.” Prince Armors’ voice is clipped and professional. He’s left his emotions at the door, and right now he is Guard Captain Armor, preparing to mete out justice on a scale like nopony had seen in centuries. “We know of forty-six of these cases. They really ramped up after the first six months.” He lifts the book, pointing out where little red marks had been made inside. “These were the only ones we found direct records of inside the Agency. According to Bluefeather, he says the rest of the records were moved off-site by somepony else in Canterlot about two weeks before we showed up. The only reason the rest weren’t is that Fizzy Pop had hidden them for his research.”
Silence reigns in the room after that bit of news, and Judge Rock crosses his hooves over his chest. He sighs after a moment, shaking his head. “This complicates this case immeasurably, Princess.” He sounds quite wry, given that this is probably as vast an understatement as one could conceive.
Prince Armor snorts. “I’ve taken a look in this book for all of ten minutes, and if half of this stuff actually happened we’re going to practically need to enact a raid on half the Noble Court. I’ve managed to intimidate most of the reporters in the gallery into keeping the story under their hats for now, on the premise that we need to investigate the allegations, but…”
Princess Celestia takes a deep breath. “We can’t discount the source of this information. Did he have any idea where the records went? We’re going to need those if we intend to go forward with this case.”
Prince Armor nods. “We’ve got a name and a lead. I’ve got my best ponies on it, but I’m going to need either Princess Luna or Cadey in order to actually execute some of these warrants.” He glances at the book. “With some of the names involved here…”
The Princess nods, then looks to the Judge. “I fear I have no choice then. With the information to come being of vast importance to the security of the state, I am leveling a gag order on all goings on within the courtroom. We will be removing the Defendants back to their cells and proceeding under Aegis Lunaris laws.” That gets a gasp from everypony present, the Judge staring at her in surprise. Princess Celestia holds her head high, voice ice cold. “I will not have Equestria turned into a madhouse of fleeing nobility, Judge Rock. There will be no further harm to anypony save the guilty from what has occurred here today..”
Then she turns, walking from the room, leaving silence in her wake. When the door finally shuts with a clunk , Princess Twilight swallows softly. “Shiny… What does this mean for…?”
~~~~~~~~
They led Bluefeather off in hoofcuffs. I’d never seen somepony walk away in chains like that with such pride in his bearing, such courage in his eyes. When he passed the Defendant’s desk, he turned to smile at Lady Elegant. The defendant’s eyes had gone wide, and she was staring at him in mute shock. Her hooves were trembling and all of the color had gone out of her face. He said, “Checkmate, bitch.” and then continued down the aisle, leaving the mare shaking and terrified.
Those of us in the gallery stood as he passed. We watched him walk, this time not with sexual seduction but with a pride and strength that comes only from having done the right thing.
At the end of the carpet, six of the Royal Guard stood in wait as he approached. One of them stepped forward as he stopped, snapped to attention and saluted him. “Audentia non absentia metus!” He barked in Old Equish, taking nearly the entire courtroom by surprise. Though I could only barely see from my perspective, I can say for certain that Bluefeathers eyes were filled with tears as they took him away. It was not until later that I learned that those words were the motto of the 3rd Royal Guard Battalion, and when I learned their meaning, I understood.
“Courage is not the absence of fear.”
-Double Scoop, Reporter for The Equestria Times. “The Case of the Century, and how it never came to be.”
