Chapters Random Life (Book Thing 1)
The looks that were given to me when I finished my sentence were the exact opposite of what I expected. Celestia had a face of sadness and shock, Twilight looked like she was about to burst into tears, and Luna looked horrified to say the least. After a long and sad silence, Luna was the first to speak.
“Why would we send thou home? Thou art friendly and peaceful.”
I, on the other hand was shocked at what I had just heard,” you mean I can stay?” I ask albeit timidly.”Well duh ya fuckin dumb ass, she
just said you could.”
Celestia nodded and spoke,” Yes, you can stay; we will not force you to go home to your world. Though I would like to learn about you, your past, and your culture as a whole. But that will have to wait until a later time, we must depart soon if we are to return to the castle before my sister has to raise the moon, and I lower the sun. so, come now Corbin, let us depart.”
I slowly, but surely, got up and followed behind Luna and Celestia, and to my dismay, I couldn’t help but find my gaze directing itself to Luna’s flank. And try as I might, I liked it, “the fuck was wrong with me?” I internally asked my self, only to be answered by my conscious, “EVERYTHING!” it said. Ya know im just gonna name it Jon, because fuck it why not?
I mean, don’t get me wrong, she was beautiful in every single way. But It was undignified to think of how soft her lips might be, “or how her hips might…”, NO!, bad Jon, no thinking that way! ,”But why, ya know ya wanna.” Jon whined.
It was bad enough that Jon was..vulgar, to say the least. But it only got worse when a gust of wind caught Luna’s tail…Why god? Why? I asked myself, only to be answered by Jon. “Cause you know you want to bang her.”, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT STOP TALKING! I mentally screamed at myself. *sigh* , its gonna be a long ride to this Castle, and its going to take every ounce of will power to not pitch a tent, if ya know what I mean.
The ride, or should I say flight, there was a lot easier than expected, it was quiet for the most part. I was only watching the scenery go by, I was entirely entranced on the vivid beauty of the colorful world below, it was kind of saddening to think my world was so dull and gray. When we landed I took a moment to admire the architecture of the buildings surrounding the massive castle behind me. Most of the buildings had ornate pillars and had statues embedded into the roofs and roads it reminded me of the Greek and Roman Architecture of my world.
Luna took notice to my admiration toward the buildings, “Thou shows great interest into thy buildings, art thou a lover of the arts?” she asked, sounding genuinely interested.
“I personally have always harbored a soft spot for art and architecture, it never ceases to amaze me to know that someone had the imagination and ingenuity to create such a feat of engineering on this immense of a scale” I stated, though I then continued with compassion and eagerness, “And just like these buildings, I have always admired the beauty in nature as well. For example, in my world there was a beautiful mountain range called the Rocky Mountains, and they were absolutely stunning. The way the tree sprouted out the sides like a forever flowing emerald green river, capped with a white crystals on top. Though there was one thing in my world that I admired more than anything. And that was the night sky. It was always something my people would take for granted, but I saw the beauty in each and every star, that made each of the constellations in the night. I would sometimes forget that time existed and sit out under the stars for hours. That is, until my mom would yell at me for being up at three in the morning on a school night. Good times…heh.”
I loved the night, no doubt about that, but what startled him was Luna approaching him with a warm smile, and a glint in her eye. “Oh shit dude, shes giving you the ‘eyes’!” but before I could retaliate Luna spoke.
“We art most familiar with the night, and thys appreciation for it is most flattering. But didst thou know that we control the moon and stars?” she asked, still with the glint in her eye.
“Really? You mean to tell me that you’re the one responsible for the beauty that is the night sky? That is so awesome!” I exclaimed in pure happiness, knowing that I had got to meet and talk with what amounts to a god that controls the night. How could this get any better? I thought to myself while smiling. “You + Luna + Bed = Best night ever!” Jon sang, causing me to cringe.
“We couldst show thee how we raise the moon if thou wouldst be willing to accompany us.” Luna said, with hope evident in her eyes.
“Well I stand corrected; this is officially the best day of my life.” I thought to myself. “Absolutely, I would love to accompany you. This is going to be awesome!” I cheered with glee, at which Luna just chuckled at my antics and motioned me to follow her.
“We art going to our personal quarters, it is where we enact the ritual to move thy moon” Luna explained as we made our way around the maze of a castle.
Though my inner voice was thinking other things when she said “personal quarters”, stirring up some very…..interesting thoughts. But I managed to push those away just before arriving at her room.
When I walked into the room there was a gigantic bed, which could hold at least ten people, placed dead center. There were doors on either side of the bed, extending out to the balcony, the walls all had three massive windows and the roof had a circular skylight right above the bed.
“Dost thou like our room?” Luna asked
“I love it, the way the windows give way to a perfect and breathtaking view of the city, and the doors are extremely ornate. And not to mention the beautiful navy blue the drapes and blankets are, it just amazing!” I exclaimed.
Luna seemed happy with my answer and motioned for me to follow her. We stepped outside and were greeted by the most beautiful sky I had ever seen.
“We will begin to raise the moon now” Luna said just before starting to glow with a black aura.
I stood there awestruck at the spectacle before me, she was absolutely, no-doubt, drop dead gorgeous in my eyes. Luna then shot a pure shining black cable out over the horizon, and came back with the fucking MOON in tow. It. Was. AWSOME. “Ok that is some bullshit, unless she can just go fuck you physics! That don’t work that way, that’s going on the bullshit list!” Jon yelled, causing me to snicker for second.
When Luna finished she looked at me “So how did thee like it?” she asked, a bit of worry in her voice.
“It was absolutely amazing! You were absolutely stunning!” I said, blushing a bit on the last part. Luna was also blushing but also smiling warmly at me.
“Thou should retire for the night, we shall wake thee up in thy morning, goodnight Corbin.” She said with a wink
“She wants your dick dude!” Jon said as I walked back to my suite. I didn’t have the energy to retaliate so I just fell onto the bed and was out before I even hit the pillow.
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
Chapter 3:
Learning
I woke up in the middle of the night, probably around two in the morning, due to a nightmare about my family. More specifically my mother and father. As weird as it was it made me want to sing. And thus I began to sing Dead Bodies Everywhere:
I ended the song, as tears started to form, though I wiped them away quickly. That song always brings up bad memories, but I loved it none the less, it’s probably best to not think about it. “Well if you knew it was going to bring up some unpleasant memories, then why the fuck did ya sing it? Dumbass.” Jon said, though I just ignored him. “I wonder if Luna’s still awake, I wouldn’t mind talking to her right know.” I said to myself.
“I am right here, I heard the whole thing. Are you ok?” Luna asked from my door, scaring the shit out of me.
“Ahh!” I yelped. “you scared the sh…shiza out of me, and to answer you question, yes, I am ok. I was just singing an old song from home, it tends to stir up some unpleasant memories from my childhood.” I stated honestly, ”Ya right, ok my non existent ass.” Jon spoke. Ok for the most part I was ok.
After a small silence Luna spoke up, “Would you like to talk about it? It might help you relieve the pain.” I couldn’t help but feel that this was not going to end well, for ether of us. “And here we go again, wake me up when its over.” Jon stated before going silent. He really irritates me some times.
“Sure, but be ready for a sob story. *sigh* ok lest start with what went wrong in my life cause the number of bad things easily triple the good. Anyway it all started when I was two, my dad was sent to prison for twelve years for the accidental murder of my two year old sister. After that my mom had my brother, Noah, and had to keep switching schools and homes until we could find a suitable place to live that we could afford. After twelve years had passed my dad was released, and I was happy to finally see him. As wired as that sounds, I still loved him. My mom on the other hand was spiteful and often took her anger out on me. But all things that are good must come to an end, and my father was drunk and tried to rob a store. He was sentenced to two more years in prison, and in those two years my aunt died, my great grandfather died, as well as my dog. When my dad finally got out of prison again he stayed with us for a while until I had to put him in jail myself. I had to grow up fast, I didn’t get that much of a childhood, and I paid the price of my innocence. The only feelings that I had left were hate and despair. The only things that I cared for were my friends, up until now. And even then I felt as though I was useless, a worthless waste of space that couldn’t protect those I loved. That I would always fail, I always fail.” I finished, a solemn look haunting my face as I remembered everything in my old life. “Why couldn’t mom just accept me?” I thought to myself.
Luna hadn’t fared any better, she was silently crying and looking at me with sorrow filled eyes. “I am sorry that you had to live through that, I wish I could do something, I cared for you, so much that you wouldn’t understand, Corbin.” She said, now sobbing into my chest. I put an arm around her and pulled her into a hug. I took a moment to admire how soft her fur was, “This bitch is like a pillow, damn!” I ignored him and leaned down.
“Thank you.” I whispered. She looked up to me and I was instantly mesmerized by her eyes. All I could think about were her lips and, No! bad brain, stop it! Sometimes I hate my mind, and it’s not even Jon! Now I’m talking to myself, Great. But before I knew it her lips pressed to mine, the kiss made me actually feel loved and cared for.
When we parted Luna just looked at me with a blush as red as fire. “let that be my apology for making you bring up old wounds, and….maybe for something more in the future.” And with that she got up and walked towards my door, but just before she left she turned,
“Thank you, and we will see you in the morning.” And with that she left. Leaving me with just my thoughts, “Told you she wanted it.”Jon said.
“Shut up.” Is all I thought before falling asleep to peaceful dreams.
I woke up in my bed feeling great, when I went to get out of bed I tripped over the air. “Fail”, “shut up Jon” I muttered while picking myself up from the ground. I walked around my suite until I found the kitchen, and to my surprise they had eggs. While I’m cooking I started to sing Peaches by The Presidents of The United States of America.
Though I stopped singing cause I felt a little heavier and weird, I looked down and I was shocked to see I was wearing full knight armor and had a mace and sword strapped to my waist. But the colors confused me, the armor was pink with a black trim, the weapons were the opposite having a main black body with pink trimmings. “Da fuck is with the pink?” is all Jon had to say to that.
“Ahem” I hear behind me, and turn around to find non-other than Luna standing in the entrance way of the kitchen. “Ahh” I yelped, and the armor and weapons disappeared right off my body. “Why didn’t you tell me you have magic?” Luna asked. I was still in scared and confused mode, though I managed to speak.
“
I have no idea what just happened, one second I’m cooking and the next I find myself in full armor with weapons! Why dose weird sh..crap always happen to me?” I asked myself, still very confused.
“I don’t know why you have magic, but it seemed to be activated when you started to sing. Though I don’t know why, but your magic felt as strong as my sisters.”
“I…..uh..da…wh…What!? So you’re telling me that I have magic that’s as strong as your sisters?” I asked, I was still wondering why I have magic in the first place. But the only response that I got was a small nod from Luna as she walked over to me, though now I was sitting on the bench next to the kitchen table. She sat down, gave me a small hug, and leaned against me. “Still soft as ever” I thought to myself as I wrapped my arm around her. That is until a bright flash of light blinded me, when my vision returned I see non-other than Celestia standing in front of me. She was eyeing me, like looking into my soul eyeing. Then I noticed that Luna was still leaning against me with my arm still wrapped around her. “Bitch you better get your ass moving if you don’t wanna be fried!” Jon warned me. Me and Luna both scrambled to our feet, or hooves, and stood there awkwardly. But for me, I stood with pure fear of what Celestia would do to me since I was so close to Luna. That got Jon to talk for a moment “She doesn’t know about last night dose she? SHIT! If she finds out you gonna get fried like chicken!” Jon states in a worried ton. As I’m internally panicking I manage to speak. “Hello..heh…what brings you by?” I asked timidly.
Celestia just stood there eyeing me for a moments and spoke, never taking her eyes off me,” Well I came in a hurry when I felt an extremely large energy surge coming from here, do you know what it was?” she asked, and edge to her voice. Though albeit timidly I confessed, not wanting to piss of the Princess, given that she could probably put me in prison just for touching her sister.
“It was me, I don’t know how or why, but it was me.” I say, extremely scared now.
“Sister is he telling the truth?” Celestia asked in a commanding tone.”Y-yes sister, he is telling the truth. But he didn’t know he had magic, I walked in on him singing and he was wearing full pink armor with a black mace and sword, but when he stopped singing they vanished” Luna answered quickly.
“Well then, I would like you to travel down to Ponyville and talk with my prized student, Twilight, to find out how you have magic. Seeing that you never had it before.” Celestia then, with another flash of cornea burning white light, vanished.
“Well, that could have gone better” I say as I stand up, only to be tackled back down into a hug by Luna.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you for not saying anything to my sister!” she said while still hugging me. “You do know what could happen if she found out right?” she asked, I shook my head saying no, “If she found out you could have been spaded for touching royalty, anything farther than that would have you executed” she tells me in a very concerned voice, while I just gave a slight shutter. Great. Not only have I basically made enemies with Celestia, I could be spaded or executed for loving Luna.*sigh*, How the fuck do I find myself in these situations? I thought to myself. “Because life said Fuck You, that’s why.”
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
Chapter 7:
What?
When I finally could see again, I notice that I’m standing, and speaking. But it wasn’t my voice, it sounded demonic, raspy, and almost as if multiple voices were speaking at the same time. “My name is Jon as this mortal calls me. The mortal whom you call Corbin is no longer in control for the time being.” I tried to move but I couldn’t feel my body, I could only move my eyes. I looked around the room and found myself staring straight at Luna, ”Don’t hurt her, I’ll find a way to kill you even if you’re in my head Jon!.” Is all I thought until Celestia spoke.
“Give us back Corbin.” Celestia said in a very commanding tone.
“He will be back, but first I must finish this fight.” And with that he was up and in front of Celestia in a blink of an eye, he grabbed and lifted her by the throat, then slammed her hard back down with enough force to make the ground crack. Jon picked her up by the throat again and slammed his fist into her ribs five times; there was a loud crack sound on the final hit that sent Celestia flying, smashing through her throne.
“Now that leader has fallen, take this as an example of my power. Do not challenge me again, or you will pay with your booze” Jon warns. There was a bright flash and I could feel my body again. ”oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” I mumbled as I ran to Celestias side. “Wow, ok I didn’t mean to hurt her THAT bad, sorry dude.” Jon apologized as I looked over Celestia, she had bruises all over her chest and a massive one on her neck. I picked her up into a fireman’s carry and ran, smashing through the throne room doors, scaring the guard’s that were stationed next to it. ‘WHERES THE INFERMERY?” I yelled. One of the guard’s pointed down the hallway to a set of large doors with red crosses on them. I ran down the hallway and, yet again, smashed through the doors startling some nurses. As soon as they seen Celestia a nurse came rushing towards me with a stretcher. “Put her on here, follow me, and tell me what happened!” she yelled in a commanding tone. I put Celestia down on the stretcher and followed the running nurse.
“Well she challenged me to a sparring match and she kicked my ass. But then I was possessed by my subconscious or Jon as I call him, that did this to Celestia.” I say. Another nurse takes the stretcher into what I think is the ICU, and the nurse that I was following was just staring at me with wide eyes and a slacked jaw. She walked over to me and punched me in the head, knocking me out, again.
-Dream-
I find myself standing in a charred black field; the area around me was completely destroyed; fires burning, and craters everywhere. “You will all DIE!” I hear above me, when I look up I’m completely caught off guard at what I’m looking at. I see myself flying above the field, surrounded by my friends. Luna, Celestia, Kim, Twilight, and two other figures were all in full armor and looked like they had been through hell. “THIS, is what you befriended! THIS is the real me! I TRIED to warn you, I TRIED to help you by pushing you away! But now you all will die knowing that when you tried to help, you only made it worse!” the dark version of me shouted, and then started laughing manically. “And to think I was happy. I was wrong, anger IS my happiness!” the dark me then charged at the group only to freeze in midair.
“okay, this is a little too dark for my liking, even if it is just an act. How about we take five down at the bar?” the dark me asked, the response was a collective yes and all of them disappeared in a bright flash.
“Are you ok?” I hear behind me, I spun around a full one-eighty to face none other than Luna. She looked confused.
“How did you get here, and what is this place? It’s really freaking me out.” I say, still trying to comprehend what just happened.
“You are in a dream, your dream to be exact. Though this is unlike any dream, or nightmare-dream-thing in your case, I have ever seen. The reason I am here is because I saw the nurse knock you out, that and I have the power to go into dreams themselves and alter them. And before you ask, I watched the whole thing; it was terrifying at first but weird now to say the least. Also don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.” Luna explains, only for me to reply with a sigh before a bright flash, that I’m all too familiar with, blinded me.
-Reality-
When I could see again I notice that I’m on a hospital bed, again. I groaned and tried to roll over only to be stopped by something. I looked down and saw Luna, but she looked human. Her hair was exactly like her mane when she was a pony, her skin was a dark shade of purple, her breasts looked to be a C, ”Good luck bud” Jon said, though I shrug it off. But oddly enough she still had her horn and wings, that and she somehow had a dress on even though she didn’t wear clothes. The door then crashed open to reveal a very pissed off looking Celestia. “Were fucked!” Jon yelled.
“Why is Luna sleeping next to you, ill have you hanged if you did anything to her!” Celestia yelled, clearly pissed that I was in the same bed as Luna. That got Luna to shoot up out from the covers, only to promptly fall to the ground with a soft thump accompanied by a groan.
“What have you done to my sister? You shall pay for this Corbin!” Celestia boomed. I was immediately encased by her magic, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything accept wait for death. My vision was starting to fade until I was suddenly dropped. As I gasp for air I look up to see who saved me only to be pulled into a hug by Luna. It was kind of weird to hug Luna now that she was in human form, but I look back over to where Celestia was and see her staring at me with an expression of pure shock. Luna broke the hug, much to my dismay, and looked to Celestia.
“Sister I am fine, he did not do anything to me, though I don’t know why I look like this. Though I am fully aware of the consequences that Corbin would normally have to endure in this situation. But he only has the punishment if I don’t like him as he doses me, but I do. So that means that he has done no harm nor has he broken the law. And sister please just understand that for the first time in my life someone cares about me, loves me in a way that nobody else can, and the best part is that I love him too.”
My heart lurched into my throat when she said those words, She really dose love me, I thought, now extremely happy, but Luna continued.
“So please sister don’t do anything you might regret.” Luna walks up to Celestia and pulls her into a hug for a few minutes. When they finally part Celestia just looks at me and leaves, Luna on the other hand walks over to me and helps me up.
“Did you mean it?” I asked, Luna grew a warm smile, “Every word” is all she said until I was pulled into a kiss, this time it felt like a normal kiss thanks to her being mostly human. We parted quickly when we heard slow clapping, I look over to see Kim just standing there clapping in a mocking way. “Well when you’re done making out I want to talk to Corbin for a sec, and also, Corbin, ya got yourself a keeper.” Kim said with a smirk. I just face palmed.
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
After Luna left the room Kim motioned for me to sit next to her on one of the infirmaries beds. “How long is this going to take, cause I have to go and try to talk to Celestia soon. Hopefully this time she doesn’t try to kill me and we can just sit down and talk.” I say. “Bitch, she gonna murder you.” Jon said, causing me to grunt in irritation.
“Well, this might take a while cause; one, I’m going to rat on you for getting in with a princess, and two, I got some questions.” Kim says, I don’t say anything so that she can continue. “Ok, well, why did you go for a princess right off the bat, let alone the younger one with an overprotective sister that also has the power of a god. That and Luna is also a god, so she could kick your ass six ways to Sunday if you piss her off. Also if you want to keep her happy, just buy her chocolate, it works every time. But don’t try that on me, I’ll kick your ass no matter what if you piss me-“
I cut her off, “My home made coffee, it’s your one weakness.” I say, only to get a glare from her.
”Dammit, I hadn’t thought of that, ok you win this one. But anyway I still have a few questions, and don’t interrupt me this time.” She says, I nod for her to continue. “Ok, first question, how did you end up here?” she asked. “By being a dumbass!” Jon yelled.
“I fell from the sky and got knocked the fuck out by a tree.” I say, only to have Kim erupt into a fit of laughter. “You got knocked out by a tree? Bwahahahaha!” she laughed for a while until finally regaining her posture and sat back onto the bed. “Ok, second question, why were you in the same bed as Luna, and why were you in that bed anyway?”, “He was trying to get laid, and he’s an idiot!” Jon yelled, much to my disappointment.
“Well to answer your first question, I have no idea I just woke up and she was next to me. As for the other question, I got knocked out by a nurse when I told her that I was the one who hurt Celestia.” I say, somewhat embarrassed that I could take on what amounts to a god, but be KO’d by a nurse. This yet again sent Kim into a fit of laughter, causing me to groan at my own discomfort.
“Anyway I have to go and get this awkward talk with Celestia over with, that and I kind of feel bad for hurting her, even though it wasn’t me.” I say as I start to get up. I hear Kim scoff behind me.
“Be careful she’s a bitch” Kim states with an edge to her voice, and just flies out of the room without another word. I just walked out of the infirmary and toward the throne room, or what’s left of it. When I reach the set of massive doors that lead into the room the guards stop me and point down the right hallway, and there at the end of the hallway was another set of doors with an image of the sun on them.
Assuming the room behind those doors was Celestias I made down the hall and stopped right in front of the entranceway, mentally preparing myself for the, hopefully, short talk. I opened the doors and was met with the sight of Celestia standing on a balcony with her head hung low. “Go away Luna, I don’t want to talk right now.” Celestia says, not even looking at me.
“Well, I’m not Luna, but I do want to talk.” I say, getting her attention. She turns around and just glares at me for a moment before speaking.
“Oh, it’s you.” Is all she says in return, making me a little irritated. “What do you mean, it’s you? I just wanted to talk, what’s your problem with me?” I ask in a serious tone.
“My problem is that you’re trying to take my sister away from me! I can’t live without my sister, I need her to be here. She’s the only family I have left, and I can’t protect her if she’s gone off with you. Not to mention you’re a horrible influence on her!” Celestia yells, making me rethink my approach on this. “Well we’re fucked, it was nice knowing ya.” Jon stated, not helping the situation any. Then it clicked, the one way I can get her to see that I’m not bad, for the most part.
“Well if you think I’m a bad influence that can’t be trusted, let me show you that I can be trusted. I want you to look through all my memories up until now and tell me what you think of me when you’re done.” I say, getting her to stare at me in shock.
“Ok, I will, this will only take a moment.” Celestia says as she walks up to me. She then lightly taps my head with her horn, and after a few seconds looks back up at me; Shock and horror clearly present on her face. “I am sorry, about everything; I never knew your life was so tragic. I am, however, mad that you kissed my sister without me knowing. But that is in the past, I am sorry that I misjudged you.” She says with a solemn expression. “Holy fucking shit, it worked!” Jon yelled happily.
“It’s ok, you were just doing what you thought was right, and I respect you for that. Now let’s just put this behind us and start over, what do you say?” I ask.
“Ok” is all she says before pulling me into a hug. I felt good knowing that I had made amends, and now the hard part. Talking to Luna, it was going to be a long night. Once Celestia broke the hug I made my way back down the hall to the other end. There was another set of doors, only this time the doors were midnight blue and had a pure white moon on them. I walked up to the doors and opened them slowly, preparing for whatever might be behind them. I walk into the room and find no one here, until I hear the door close behind me. I do a one-eighty and find no one there, so I turn around and come face to face with Luna. “Oh Shit!”
“Well isn’t it nice for you to drop by.” Luna says in a somewhat sexual way, enough so to make me audibly gulp. She was still wearing the dress from earlier, but had one of the straps hanging off her shoulder. “Why don’t you and me have some fun?” Luna says while running her hand down my chest, she then turns around, gets onto her bed, and motions me over to her.
My eyes widened with realization, and I walked over to her and mumbled, “Oh hell ya.” And that was the last thing I said for the night. “Don’t fuck up, and let me sleep!”
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
When I wake up I notice that I’m not in my suite, I look around and notice that I’m still in Luna’s room. Suddenly every memory from last night came back to me. “Man, that was the best night of my life.” I thought to myself while looking around the room.”Ya maybe for you but I couldn’t sleep asshole.” Jon yelled in an annoyed tone, making me laugh. The bed was a complete mess, the sheet was almost all the way off, and the bed itself was moved. I look down to see Luna staring up at me, but she had a look of fear on her face. That’s when I notice that she wasn’t looking at me but behind me, I turn my head around and come face to face with a wall of white. I look up a little further and my heart sinks as I see that it’s Celestia that was standing over me, looking even more pissed than the last time. I put on a stupid smile and spoke, “H-hi, h-hows your m-morning going. Heh…” I say timidly. “We are absolutely positively fucked, and not in the good way, but the ‘Hey motha fucka you gonna get hanged’ fucked!” why Jon, why?
“Well, It would have been if I wasn’t kept up all night by a certain pair.” Celestia said through bared teeth, I gulped. “And Luna, can you come with me for a moment I need to talk to you. Now.” she says, and starts walking toward the door and is quickly followed by Luna. “Oh, and Corbin, stay here. Your next.” Celestia states before closing the door behind her. It’s safe to say that I was contemplating writing my will, but then remembered that I have nothing to give if I die, so I decided against it. “Dude I just want to say if we die, you’re an asshole, but I love you. No homo bro.” Jon said, making me laugh for a moment.
I was slowly losing my mind, thinking of all the possible ways Celestia could kill me or mane me, either one but regardless I was freaking out. They had been gone for an hour or so, and I was just starting to think that Celestia had forgotten about me when the doors opened, revealing Luna. “Celestia is waiting for you out in the hall”, I nodded and walked through the doors and was greeted by Celestias angry looking face, she looked like she was about to pop a vein. “We’re fucked.”
“Corbin, you do understand what the consequences of having sex with my sister are?” I was going to speak but Celestia continued, “Though I’m willing to look past that this time under certain conditions. Condition one; you will not bring my sister any harm. That is, unless you don’t want to keep your head. Condition two, you will protect Luna with all you have, or die trying. Condition three, you will use a sound canceling spell the next time you two get intimate, you have no idea how traumatizing it is to hear that that clearly, I’m only down the hall! Anyway, do you accept these terms?” Celestia asked. ”Say yes dumbass!” I nodded quickly. “Good because if you didn’t I would have had to kill you. Now have a good rest of the day, I have some pressing matters to attend to.” She says before walking off, leaving me to my thoughts as I walked back into Luna’s room. I find Luna just sitting on her bed with a distant look on her face, like in deep thought. I walk over to her and fall onto the bed, snapping her out of the trance.
“Are you ok, did Celestia hurt you, what did she say?” Luna asked in a blur of words that I was barely able to understand. “Yes I am ok, and no Celestia did not hurt me. She just gave me some terms and conditions that I had to agree to, nothing too serious.” I promised her. “Nothing serious, right, you’re a jackass ya know that?” I didn’t answer.
“Ok, well what do you want to do now?” she asked, I just shrug my shoulders and tried to think of something to do when, all of a sudden, a voice spoke out of nowhere. “Well what do we have here? Oh I little bit of chaos in the morning, it’s just so much fun!”, I turn around and was met with a creature that looks like it had been put together by a five year old for an art project. It had the head of a pony, a body of a snake, one paw for an arm, a claw for the other arm, a dragon’s tail and leg, a pony leg, a bat wing, a bird wing, an antler of a deer, and a horn of a unicorn next to the antler. “What in the literal FUCK is that thing? This is going on the bullshit list.” Jon said, though my mind was elsewhere. All in all this thing looked outright hilarious, and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Discord! What are you doing here?” Luna asked in a commanding tone, while I just started to get back up after my laughing fit.
“Ok, ok, who and what the hell are you?” I say, trying to be serious, but fail horribly as I giggle while speaking,” oh my god, I’m sorry man, but the way you look just makes me laugh.” I say, going back into a fit of laughter while Discord and Luna look at me like I’m crazy. After a few seconds my laughing died down enough to let me stand, and then Discord spoke again.
“My name is Discord, Lord of Chaos and what are you, may I ask?” Discord says with a jolly voice. “Well, I’m a human from another planet, and by the way I already like you. Your almost as crazy as some of my friends.” I say, getting a shocked face from both Discord and Luna. “What? He seems like a pretty decent guy, and he hasn’t tried to kill me yet like Celestia did.” I say, and yet again getting a shocked expression, but only from Discord.
“Celestia tried to kill you, why?” Discord asked, I shrugged ,” Maybe because I was getting close to Luna. That and I may or may not have turned Luna into a human form by accident for some reason.” I say, and yet again get a shocked expression from Discord who then decides to speak up, “I’ll be right back I got to go check something” he says before snapping his fingers and disappearing.
I turned to Luna,” Well he seemed nice.” “Bitch he was stoned as Fuck!”
“Do you have any idea of what you just did?!” Luna yelled, looking extremely stressed. I nodded, ”Yes, I do know what did, I laughed at a god. But you have to admit that he is pretty funny looking, and what can he do anyway? He looks like a third graders art project, and besides he seems like a fun guy.” I say casually. “Don’t do it.”
“How can you be so calm knowing that you may, Or may not, have angered one of the most powerful beings in all of Equestria?!” Luna asked, I just looked at her with a straight face, “Because I don’t care.” I say bluntly, and also receiving a shocked expression from Luna. “And you done fucked up.”
“How can you not care, he has the power to turn you into anything he wants!” Luna yells in an angered tone, probably because I’m basically laughing in the face of death. I look to her with a serious expression, “I’ll be ok, I promise. The next time I see him I’ll apologize, buy him a few drinks, and talk this out. Hell, maybe we’ll be friends by the end of this.” I say, getting a sigh from Luna who just pulls me into a hug.
“Just don’t get hurt, please. And I don’t think it would be wise to give Discord a drink.” She warns me, I just shrug and a bright flash happened revealing Discord. “Speak of the devil, well isn’t it just the man I wanted to see. Come with me, I just want to talk, and apologize, for what happened earlier. Maybe after we can go find a bar and few drinks, what do ya say?” I ask.
“I accept, though there will be no need for you to apologize because you were the first being to not run or cower in fear of me. Instead you just laughed, but I do have a question. Why did you call me a devil when I got here?” He asked, throwing me for a loop.
“It’s just an expression from my world, don’t worry about it.” I say, I then turn to Luna, “Hey Luna, do you know where we could go to get some drinks, I’m thinking of grabbing Kim, so do you want to tag along too?” I ask.
“Well we could go down to the royal dining room and order something.” She says, I nod and motion them to follow me while I go try to find Kim. I ended up finding her sitting on a bench in the hallway; she turns and waves to me. “Hey you want to come with us to get some drinks?” I ask, but Kim wasn’t looking at me but at Discord. I spoke up, “That’s Discord, another god, he’s coming with us to get wasted. You want to tag along?” I ask again. She nods and gets up and walks next to me for a while until we reach the dining room, which was just a large room with a massive table in the middle. “Anyone getting the knights of the round table vibe?” Jon asked, though, like almost any other time he talks, I ignore him.
We all take a seat and were immediately catered to by waiters with menus. “Holy shit they have whiskey!” me and Kim exclaim in unison, and were meet with questioning looks from both Discord and Luna.
“Kim and I are Irish, it’s our favorite drink. A close second for me is tequila but that makes me hit the floor fast.” I explain, only to be scolded by Jon, “Bitch that’s racist.” When the waiters come back they hand out our orders, Kim and I both got a pitcher of whiskey, Discord got normal beer, and Luna got a small glass of red wine. Kim and I both drank half of our whiskey in two goes when we challenged each other to a drinking contest, Luna and Discord had wide eyes, and slack jaws. “What?” I ask in a slightly slurred voice, the drink starting to kick in. The last thing I saw was Kim pass out drunk as fuck.
I woke up to the sound of snoring in my ears, I look left and right and see Kim on the left and Luna to my right. I start to sit up when I notice that Discord was wrapped around all of us, and that we were all sleeping on the table. “Da fuck happened last night, cause I don’t remember shit!” I decide to wake up Discord and Luna first, once they were up I thought of an idea to wake Kim up, so I went to talk to Discord when Luna went to her room.
“Hey Discord, I have an idea to wake Kim up, though it’s more of a prank.” I say, walking up to him. He raises his eyebrow in a curios manner and motions me to go on. “Don’t do what I think your gonna do.”
“Well, I was wondering if you could change her into a gingerbread man and say that she’s in a dream, and see what she does.” I explain, earning a nod and a huge smile from Discord. I walk over to the sleeping Kim and start to nudge her awake, when she was just getting up Discord snapped his fingers, turning Kim into a gingerbread man. “God dammit, why you no listen to me asshole!”
“Holy fuck I’m a Gingerbread man! Hell ya, now you’ll never catch me I’m da matha fuckin gingerbread man, see ya!” Kim yelled before running out the doors. A few seconds later a very confused looking Luna walked into the room, “Did I just see a giant running gingerbread man in the hallway?” she asked, probably questioning her sanity.
“Yes, yes you did. Discord you can turn her back to normal now.” I say. Discord just snaps his fingers, and then everyone could hear a distant “DAMMIT!” from down the hall. A few moments later a disappointed looking Kim came back, glaring at me and Discord all the while. I had to stifle a laugh, but Discord on the other hand was laughing like a maniac. That is until a pie came flying out of nowhere and struck Discord in the face, I look over and see that Kim was just smirking.
“Were did you even get the pie?” I asked, Kim just turned, “From the author, duh.” She stated simply. I on the other hand was extremely confused, but decided to roll with it because, why not? After a brief silence the main doors crashed open to reveal a very mad Celestia, “She’s been mad a lot lately, huh.” I thought to myself. She stormed into the room eyeing each and every one of us, “Do any of you know any of you know how or why I am as angry as I am right now?”, she asked through barred teeth, and even though I didn’t want to I answered honestly. “Bitch you better live, cause if you don’t, I don’t.”
“No, why?” I asked. Celestia, in turn, took a deep breath. “Well, first of all, I am extremely disappointed that you all would get drunk in the castle of all places. Then there’s the fact that the moon now has a giant smiley face on it, and the fact that Discord wasn’t the one to do it this time.” Celestia said in an angered tone, while Discord just scoffed at her remark, though she continued. “And don’t let me forget to mention that all my guards reported a figure in pink armor walking through walls, and laughing at a piece of cake for two hours. That and I was traumatized when I walked into my room to find these two” she motions between Kin and Discord, ”sleeping in my bed!” she yelled, using her hooves in an air quotation when she said sleeping.
By this time Luna was looking paler than an Irish man, “Racist.”,Discord and Kim were exchanging looks of shock and disbelief, and I was holding back a laugh when I started to picture myself staring at a cake for two hours. Though I knew it was a bad idea I had to say something, “Celestia, I’m sorry, but you just have to calm down.” I say. She looks to me in an even angrier expression than earlier, “Calm down?!” is all she said before spreading her wings. “Fuck my life.”
I went pale, knowing exactly what she was going to do, I tuned and bolted out the door hearing Kim shout, “ Run, Forest, Run!” and the doors being slammed open. I ran and ran, not looking back once. I took turn after turn not even knowing were any of them lead to, I threw a quick glance backwards to be met with the sight of Celestia right on my heels. When I look back in front of me, all I see is a wall before being knocked out by it. “There’s a wall there dumbass.”
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
-Dream-
I look around and find that I’m strapped into a chair in what looks to be a interrogation room. There was a small metal table, and a mirror in front of me, a small light bulb hanging from the ceiling, and a door to my left. I looked down and saw that my clothes had changed. I was now wearing black combat boots, military green cargo pants, and a plain white t-shirt. The door suddenly swung open to reveal three figures, the first two looked identical. They both had camo shirts and pants with pistols strapped to their sides, they looked to be standard M9 Beretta's, how I knew this I don’t know. They were also carrying, the iconic bad guy weapon, AK-47’s. The final figure wore a jet black business suit, a bowler hat, and had a wooden cane in his right hand, he looked like he belonged in the 1950’s. I couldn’t help but giggle a little, catching his attention even more. “What’s so funny American?” The man asked in a stern voice.
“Your outfit man, you look like you belong in the 1950’s.” I say, only to get punched in the face by one of the guards, “That’s going to leave a mark.” I thought to myself before the man spoke again.
“Who are you, what’s your rank and serial number, and do you know where you are?” he asked. I just smirked. “My name is Lieutenant Corbin Ryan, my favorite cereal is Krave, and no, I don’t know where I am, nor do I know why I am here.” I state in a cocky tone, and again was treated with a punch to the face.
“Well then it seems that you are not who I thought you to be, and that I have no further use of you.” He motions to the guards, ”Dispose of him.” The man says in a board tone, and walks out the door, closing and locking it behind him. The guard on my right unties me while the other stands at the ready, once my hands were free I reached up and grabbed his pistol. I quickly shot it’s owner twice in the chest, grabbed his shoulder, and spun him around in front of me using him as a shield. I whipped the pistol around and shot the other guard three times, two in the body and one in the neck. I let go of the dead guard that I was using as a body shield and grabbed his knife to untie my legs, after I was completely free I went and picked up the first guards pistol. It happened to be fully loaded and the guard also had three extra mags on him, I took the AK-47 from the other guard and it too was fully loaded, though I could only find four mags between them both for it. I grabbed the keys off the second guard, unlocked the door, and braced myself for whatever was behind it.
I opened it and was instantly punched in the face, sending me to the ground, “What the fuck man, is it everyone punch me in the fuckin face day!” I yell, when I get up I see non-other than Kim staring at me in disbelief.
“Holy shit Kim, next time give me a warning when you’re angry at me.” I joked, only to notice that a guard had came around the corner. I shoved Kim to the left, and pulled my rifle up into my shoulder pocket and let off an entire thirty round clip into the man. With every shot the man was forced backwards in a terrifying death dace, once the clip ran dry the man fell onto what was left of his back and into a pool of his own blood.
I turned back to look at Kim, but was meet with a slap to the face, “Next time warn me when you’re gonna shoot somebody, I don’t want to see that shit.” She says.
“*Sigh*, fine, But anyway, how the hell did you get here? And where is here to be exact?” I asked. Kim just shrugged, ”I don’t know how the hell I got here, and I don’t know where the fuck we are.” She said.
“It’s some kind of base, and most bases have only one way in and one way out. So all we have to do is find the front door and walk out, piece of cake right?” I say sarcastically. Kim just face palms and gives me the best no shit look ever. I just reload my rifle and start slowly walking down the hallway, Kim not far in tow behind me.
We walk for a few minutes until we came into a huge room, it looked like a paintball course with all the massive slabs of concrete and steel that were spread throughout the room. There was also a massive door at the other end that just gave me a bad feeling.
“Ah, well isn’t it the two escapees that have caused me so much trouble.” The one man’s voice spoke over the intercom system, “As fun as it was watching your escape attempt, it has to end here. Have fun with my latest toy.” He said as the massive doors began to part, reveling a robot that doubled my height. It looked exactly like the sentry bot from fallout; it had the triple barrel missile launcher on its right arm, and the six barrel mini gun on it’s left.
The mini gun started to spin up, signaling it was about to fire. I grabbed Kim by the arm and ran to the nearest concrete slab, bullets tearing up the ground behind us as we ran. Once behind cover I tried to think of a plan to take it down, I leaned out of cover and took some pot shots at it, but they just bounced off. Though I notice that there was some kind of power supply on the back, I thought about it for a moment and it seemed to be our best bet if we wanted get out of here alive.
“Okay, Kim, I’m going to need you to distract it enough so that I have a clear shot at its back, ok, good, go!” I yell just as our cover explodes into a ball of flames, sending me and Kim flying. The bot was looking over towards Kim, who just got up and took cover again, so took the opportunity and ran behind it. Much to my pleasure there was a huge glowing box on the back, I took aim and let off a three round burst from the AK. There was a flash of blinding light, before I blacked out.
-Reality-
I shot up breathing heavily, pistol in my hand aiming towards a confused looking Celestia. I look to my right and notice that Kim was doing the same, but she was holding a small dagger in a defensive way. I also notice that I’m back in the hospital, “Great.” I thought to myself, lowering my gun. My gun, or should I say hand cannon, was a pitch black Desert Eagle .50 cal. It disappeared as soon as I knew I wasn’t in any danger. I looked to Kim and gave her my best what the fuck just happened face, and she gave a shrug and walked out of the room. Celestia was still staring at me, probably wanting me to explain what just happened.
“Okay, before you ask, all that happened was that me and Kim had the same dream, and it ended somewhat abruptly and we thought we were still in the dream.” I say, hoping she won’t pry. Celestia just nods and walks out the door with a confused expression still on her face. After she left I went to find Kim, all the while re-summoning my hand cannon. I found Kim raiding the castles fridge, and in the half an hour it took me to find her I learned that I could change my hand cannon into any weapon I thought of, “Best power ever “, I thought to myself.
“Hey asshole, at least save some of the food for me.” I say, Kim turns around, flips me off, and goes back to the fridge. I just chuckled, “Anyway, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come with me to shoot some shit with this magic gun I got.” I say, gaining her attention, I summon my gun and change it a few time to show her I wasn’t just trying to get her away from the fridge.
“That’s fuckin awesome, I’ll come with, I want to see some shit explode for real.” Kim says while getting up. We walk around for a while until we came across what I think is the guards training room, it was a huge circular room with separate areas for different training. There was an area for hand to hand, one for archery, and one for what looked like forging. I moseyed over to the archery station and summoned my gun. I slowly took aim at one of the targets, lining up the sights with its head, I fired. The hand cannon erupted into an ear shattering BANG as the massive .50 caliber shot exploded the dummies head, and embedded itself into the wall behind it, taking a chunk out.
“That Was AWSOME!” Kim yells from behind me, throwing her fist into the air in excitement. I changed the hand cannon into an M60 LMG and held it at my hip, pointing it in the general direction of the remaining four dummies. I pulled the trigger and held it down until all one hundred and fifty rounds had been expended. There was almost nothing left of the dummies, or the wall. I didn’t hear Kim say anything so I turned around. Only to see, yet another, angry looking Celestia. “Well fuck my life.” Is all I say to the situation.
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
“What are you doing, and what is that thing in your hands?” Celestia asked with irritation evident in her voice, and while motioning to the M60 that was still in my hands.
“I was doing some target practice with my new toy, just got it today.” I say while raising the gun a bit to let her see it better. Celestia looks at me, and before I can react, teleports us with a flash of light. I look around and see that we are now standing in a large open field, I turn towards Celestia and give her my best why face.
“I brought us here so you don’t destroy my castles training grounds, and because I want to see what you are capable of doing with your new power.” Celestia says, throwing me for a loop. I thought that I was about to be scolded, but instead I get to try my new toy even more, ”Awesome”, I think to myself. I decided to try to change my pistol into something big, so I thought of one of the most destructive hand held weapons ever. The weapon dropped into my hands, it was an RG-6 semi automatic 40mm Russian grenade launcher. I gave a small fan boy squee as I looked it over, it weighed about 13lb’s and had a six round cylinder for the 40mm grenades. I looked to Celestia with a mad man’s smile, “Cover your ears, I’m about to go loud n’ proud in this some bitch!” I warn her as I take aim at a small bush about fifty yards away.
I pulled the trigger and the 40mm grenade sailed to its target with a dull thud, as soon as the grenade made contact there was a deafening boom and a bright flash. When the dust cleared there was a crater in the place where the bush once stood, a tear came to my eye as I saw the beautiful destruction. Celestia looked like she was about to faint from the amount of destruction she just witnessed. There was another flash and we were back in the throne room. As I was about to say something the doors crashed open as a guard ran full speed toward us.
“Your majesty, Luna and the one named Kim have been taken! The culprits only left this.” The guard said, handing me a tablet with a video loaded. Me and Celestia exchanged looks of worry before I pressed play on the video. The video started off by panning to Luna and Kim both tied down to chairs. Both looked like they had gone through hell, then an all too familiar voice spoke, “If you want to see them again, you will send the one named Corbin to this location.” It was the bowler hat man’s voice; a map appeared on the screen with a small area circled in red. The video then cut out, I felt something snap in my head, it felt good. “Send me to where ever that is, now.” I say to Celestia in the most unholy of smiles, she just nods and a bright flash corrupted my vision for a moment until I appeared before a door in the side of a mountain. I summoned an RPG-V2, aimed at the door, and fired.
The door, along with most of the wall, disappeared in a shower of fire. I changed the launcher into an AA-12 shotgun and walked through the newly made entrance. The two guards that had been next to the door had been blown in half, the other two that had been at the end of the hall were just starting to get back up. I kicked the first one onto his back and aimed the gun at his head, I just smiled as his pleads for life ended when his head exploded. I heard a gunshot and felt a little pressure in my chest, I turn around and see the other guard holing a smoking pistol. I ran over to him, picked him up by his throat, and asked him a simple question. “Where are they?” I ask, still smiling. The stallion points down the hallway to a set of doors. I nod and twist my hand that was holding him up, there was a small snap and he went limp. I dropped the now deceased stallion and casually made my way to the set of doors.
I looked into the small window on the door and saw five stallions with Ak-47’s and two of the massive Sentry Bots behind them at the ready, how they had these weapons I don’t know, I was about to find out. I summoned a Lathi-L39 20mm anti tank rifle, “I wonder what’s going to happen when one of these rounds hits a stallions head? Probably explode.”, I thought to myself, my face still adorning an unholy smile. The rifle was heavy as hell, but regardless, I kicked the door with enough force to send it flying off its hinges, and into the first guard, knocking him out cold.
I raised the rifles sights to the first Sentry Bot and let two rounds fly, effectively ripping the bot in half. I ran for cover behind a large crate to my right, bullets from the remaining guards and Sentry Bot kicking up dirt behind me. I leaned out of cover and took some pot shots at a guard, one of the rounds hit the stallion right in the chest and his body exploded, leaving only his legs standing. I laughed as I shot the remaining Sentry Bot in half, only leaving tree guards left. They didn’t stand a chance, all of them died in seconds with a few well placed shots. I left the unconscious guard alive out of pity, and walked over to the door on the other side of the room.
I look through the window and see Luna and Kim, as well as the bowler hat guy, I chuckled. I kicked the door off its hinges and sent it flying at the man, the door smashed into him, sending him to the ground hard. I walked up to him, grabbed his leg, and broke it off. He screamed in pain. “I’m sorry did that hurt? Here let me help you.” I say as I grab his head, “You’ll never get away with this, my king will return, and there is nothing you can do to stop him!” the man yelled, I force my hands together, effectively crushing his head between my hands.
I walked over to Luna and Kim, and untie them. I suddenly felt dizzy, and my world started to spin. The last thing I saw were the worried faces of Kim and Luna.
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
I sat up quickly, the events from earlier resurfacing, only to cry out in pain when my chest felt like it was on fire. I look down and see that my entire upper chest was bandaged, a large red spot directly in the middle. “OH SHIT, I GOT SHOT!” I screamed in realization. The door shot open, scaring the shit out of me, revealing a very scared looking Luna.
“You’re awake! Oh, by the gods your alright!” Luna yelled as she tackled me back down onto the bed with a hug, unfortunately her assets were smothering me. “Death by boobs, not a bad way to go.” My conscious said, making me feel a little better, but at the same time annoying me to all hell. Luna noticed my writhing and quickly got off me, I greedily gulped in air. “I-I’m sorry” Luna says quickly, blushing slightly, but then gives me a small peck on the lips.
“Well that’s one way to wake up. Anyway, what happened?” I ask. Luna looked at me with a serious expression, “You saved me and Kim, though I am somewhat worried about you. You were fatally wounded, and technically you shouldn’t even be alive. That and when you were coming to save us we could see you through a small window, Corbin you were smiling when you murdered those stallions. And you basically tortured the man in the room with us before you killed him.” She said, kind of scaring me with her change of demeanor.
“Luna I’m sorry, it’s just that I hate seeing friends, and in your case, my love, in pain. I guess something just snapped, plus those bastards deserved what happened to them. But I did leave one alive; don’t know what happened to him though. But I think I have a way to make it up to you, how about we go on a date? And not one that’s here, but in Ponyville. Just you, me, and as much food from any restaurant of your choosing. What do ya say?” I ask, while putting on a stupid smile.
Luna giggled and sighed, “Fine but not until later tonight, you have to get everything ready.” She leaned down and gave me one last hug and disappeared in a bright flash, leaving me to try to figure out how to get this all set up. I eventually get discharged from the hospital, and apparently the castle was paying for my medical expenses, that exceeded 150,000 bits.
I ended up catching a train to Ponyville, unfortunately it was a two hour ride. When I finally arrived I noticed a certain friend of mine standing a few feet away. I walked up behind Kim and burped into her ear, earning a bitch slap from her that sent me to my ass. “Well that’s one way to say hello, just bitch slap me why don’t ya?” I say rhetorically, earning a glare from Kim. That is until she burst into laughter, falling down next to me.
“Well next time don’t burp in my ear, anyways what brings you here? Last time I saw you, you were in the hospital.” Kim says while helping me up.
“Luna was worried about me, so I told her that I would take her on a normal date here in Ponyville. Though right now I’m going to go get a suit tailored, and find reservations at an Italian restaurant if they have one here. And do you know where I could get a suit? Like a really nice one.” I ask her, she just nods and points toward a huge round building and walks off. I walk over toward the buildings door and politely knock on it, not wanting to be rude. A very posh female voice comes from behind the door, “One moment darling.”. I wait for a moment until the shops door swings open revealing a snow white mare with a purple mane. She looked up at me and smiled,” My name is Rarity, and what is yours?” she asked.
“My name is Corbin, I was wondering if I could get a suit tailored for a date tonight.” I say, quickly explaining my reason of being here. “Well come in, come in, and might I ask who’s the luck mare?” she asked, seeming genuinely curious.
“Well, can you keep a secret?” I ask, she relies with a small nod, starting to take my measurements, “My date is Princess Luna, and before you freak out, she kind of turned into my species, sort of. She looks like me but still has her horn and wings.” I say, I look down to her after she got done with the measurements. She looked as if I had dropped the news of war, her mouth slightly agape, eyes wide, and no sound of voice. I think I mentally broke her, that is until she yelled in my face, “What?! Are you telling me im making a suit for the Princesses stallion!?”, I was about to correct her on the ‘stallion’ word, but was quickly pushed out the door. “Your suit will be done in an hours time, don’t come back till then! Oh, and first times free of charge!” Rarity yells as she slams the door shut.
“Well ok then.”I thought to myself. With the suit being made I only had to find a good Italian restaurant, if they had one that is. I was walking down the street until I saw a giant ass gingerbread house, I walked in since the sight read Bakery and was meet with a pink blur in my face.
“Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, your new, and the author actually decided to put me in the story, YAY!”the mare said, I was barely able to understand what she said until she started talking again.” Hi my names Pinkie Pie, Wanna be friends!” she asked with a smile that I just couldn’t refuse.
“Sure, why not? Nice to meet ta’ Pinkie. Say, would you know of any good restaurants around here, im trying to find a good place to bring my date later in the evening. ” I say, a smile as wide as door sprouted on Pinkies face.
“Well you could always bring her here! We home make everything right here in the shop, and by we I mean me, I do most of the bakeing!” Pinkie says in an enthusiastic voice.
“Sure, why not? I’m sure everything can be ready by, say, seven o’ clock?” I ask. “Okie Dokie Lokie! I’ll get right on it, now go get that suit from Rarity, it just got done!” she said before speeding off into the kitchen.
“How did she know that? I just meet her.” I thought to myself, “Because of my Pinkie sense, duh.” Pinkies voice replied in my head, I yelped a little upon hearing her in my head, I briefly questioned my sanity until just moving on to go get my suit.
I jogged to the boutiques door and knocked, I don’t know why I didn’t walk in, I mean it is a shop. “Come in dear, I’ll be with you in just a moment!” Rarity calls from inside. I open the door and step inside, only to crash into Rarity, sending me down with her on top of me.
“Oh, I’m terribly sorry Corbin!” Rarity explained while getting off me, looking extremely flustered. “Well your suit is done, just follow me please.” She asked walking further into the shop, presumably into the workshop area. When I walked into the room my gaze immediately fell onto a suit, no doubt made for me since I was only one of three humans in this world. The only thing that stood out from it was that It was pink, just like my armor. “Dose this world just love to see me in pink, or do I just look good in it?” I thought to myself, deciding that the latter bas the best answer.
“So how do you like it Corbin?” Rarity asked from beside me. I just turn to face her, “Ya know what, I love it. It’s pink but I love it, can I put it on?” I asked. Rarity’s face lit up when I asked, “Why of coarse my dear, there is a changing room right behind that door.” She says, pointing to a door to my left. I took the suit and made my way into the small five by five room, and put the suit on. The suit fit perfectly on me, and it was safe to say I was extremely impressed given the time that Rarity made it in. I looked at myself in the mirror attached to the door, I was pleasantly surprised that I did look good in pink, who knew? I walked out of the room and back to Rarity, whom was looking at me with anticipation.
“Rarity, this has got to be the best suit I have ever seen, thank you.” I say sending her into a frenzy. “Oh, thank you dear, I was dreading that you wouldn’t like it. Though I did add an extra feature, I enchanted it to change colors every day. That an it is impossible to destroy or dirty, you can give thanks to Twilight for those enchantments.” Rarity explains, making me smile.
“Well, in that case, do you mind if I just take it know, I kind of want to break it in. That and I want to show it off a little, just for kicks.” I say, getting her to smile at me. “Of course dear, just don’t let Luna see it, not until the date. Now go out there and get the rest of the date set up!” she tells me while pushing me out the door and promptly closing it.
I walked around a bit, trying to kill time until I had to pick up Luna. Also getting the occasional stare, I even heard some yell “The horror, the horror!” in the distance. I walked for a while until I came to a clearing that was a ways away from the town, I decided to try to find out exactly how big of a gun I could make out of my magic. I thought for a moment and an extremely bad idea popped into my mind, I mauled it over for a second and thought “Fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen?”, “you could end up accidentally blowing up you and half the city.” My subconscious replied, but I just ignored the warning cause’ I’m a fucking dumb ass.
Immediately after thinking it, an M198 Howitzer Mobile Artillery Platform appeared in front of me; thankfully it was facing away from the town. I checked the massive cannon and found that it was preloaded; I took a moment to figure out how to actually aim it. Turns out that the two valve handles on the left side aim the cannon. I lowered the cannon until it was perfectly straight and turned it to the right so that it was aimed directly at a large tree about five hundred yards away.
A devilish smile spread across my face as I pulled the rope to fire the cannon, a muffled thump sounded off the howitzer firing. I could see the massive 155mm H.E.A.T, or High Explosive Anti Tank, shell sail towards its target. When the round impacted the tree there was a deafening BOOM that echoed throughout the field, when the dust cleared the only thing left of the tree was the very top lying on its side about fifty yards away from its original spot.
“Ahem.” I hear behind me, “Oh, for fuck sakes wha-“ I cut myself off as I’m meet with a dead pan stare from non-other than Celestia, “Well shit, I done fucked up.” I think to myself as Celestia walks toward me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up like there was danger somewhere, I hear footsteps from behind me and immediately turn around and drive my fist into the thing, sending it flying. The thing screamed in an extremely familiar voice, “I fucking hate all of you!”as it disappeared into the sky, then it dawned on me, it was Elijah, but then I remembered, its Elijah, so I just shrugged it off and turned back to a now extremely confused Celestia.
“Just try and forget what just happened, weird shit is almost guaranteed to happen around me.” Right after I got done speaking two clouds in the shape of people landed in front of me, they both spoke in union. “When know you from another place far away, you’re an asshole.” Is all they said before the wind blew them away, leaving me to, once again, question my sanity.
“I will try to forget that every happened, though I’m here for a different reason. I wanted to know if….” Celestia mumbled the rest, “Sorry, I didn’t hear the last part.” I say, though my conscious spoke up, “How did you not hear her? She’s clearly saying ‘bang me bitch’” , “No..what..WHY? Why would you say that?!” I internally screamed back at conscious, “Just to see your reaction, you’re a dumbass ya know that?” I didn’t answer.
“What I said was I wanted to know…” dear god don’t let my conscious be right, “if you could show me how to use those weapons you posses.” She asked, while I internally sighed in relief but my conscious didn’t take it well. “Da Fuck!? Really, really Celestia, THAT’S what you bother us for? You’re not even a little bit curious about the anatomy of the thing that banged your sister? COME ON!” it screamed in my head slightly annoying me, but it was worth it.
“Sure I’ll show you how to use a few, and if you want some, some history of the weapons. Though I have to be at Twilights in two hours to pick up Luna for the date.” I say, earning a nod and warm smile from her. I summoned a WKW Wilk .50 BMG bull pup sniper rifle, Celestia was just giving me the best what the fuck is that face but seemed genuinely interested.
“Okay, this is what is known as a sniper rifle, its main propose was to take out enemies at long range.” I explain, Celestia nodded for me to continue, “This is the trigger, it fires the weapon by releasing a small pin that hits the primer on the bottom of the cartridge. Causing the power to explode, forcing the actual round down the barrel and to its target.” I say, getting a questioning look from Celestia.
“How do you know where the projectile will go?” Celestia asked, I motion to the scope, “This is called a scope, it magnifies the area it’s aiming at, allowing the user to see things far away. Now come over here and look through the scope, aim the cross at the red tree and slowly squeeze the trigger. And don’t forget to hold the rifles stock tight into your shoulder pocket.” I say. Celestia takes the rifle in her magic, and put it directly into her shoulder. I waited for a few moments and a sharp crack erupted from the rifle.
I looked at her target and saw that she hit it dead center. “Perfect shot Celestia, I’m impressed, not many people can hit the target first try.” I say, slightly praising her. Celestia on the other hand had a wide smile, “That. Was. AMAZING! Can I do it again?!” Celestia yelled, almost bouncing with excitement, throwing me for a loop.
“Oooookay then, pick a target an-“ I was cut off as another crack emanated from the rifle, only to hear a scream in the distance. I took off running with Celestia in tow, after a moment of full blown sprinting we found the source of the scream. It was Kim, but her left leg was a few feet away. The massive .50 cal round had tore her leg clean off, “Celestia can you use your magic to reattach her leg?” I asked, but she was already done reattaching the limb. I went to Kim’s side and found her unconscious; I sighed in relief, and turned to Celestia.
“Well that just happened, and now here’s rule number one about guns, always check what’s in front and behind your target before firing.” I say, only for Celestia to lower her head in shame. “Celestia, don’t feel bad, it was an accident. Besides you saved her life, and your one hell of a shot. So don’t ever put yourself down because of an accident, only learn from it.” I say, getting her to smile a bit, only to be interrupted my subconscious, “Pimp.” Is all it said, but I just ignored it and pulled Celestia into a small hug.
“Thank you Corbin, now I see why Luna took a liking to you. But, alas, I must get back to the castle, I will bring Kim with me. Oh, and you have about fifteen minutes to go get Luna from Twilights.” Celestia said before disappearing in a flash of light.
“Oh SHIT!” I yelled as I bolted back into town, I turned the corner to the library and vaulted over an unsuspecting pony, and slid under a wagon, somehow still keeping the same pace. I finally reached the library with only a minute to spare, I opened the door only to be meet with Luna standing right in front of me, not even a foot away.
“You’re on time, and from what Kim has told me you never arrive on time, or as she put it, you’re always ‘fashionably late’.” Luna said with a smirk, while also making me laugh a little. “Well she was telling the truth on that, you should be honored.” I joked. Luna giggled at that, making me smile, “Just wait till tonight, and you’ll be smiling ALL night.”, my subconscious sang, making me hate it even more.
“Well we should get going, foods gonna be done don’t ta’ know.” I say, getting Luna to laugh at my antics, “Make it stop, Make it stop, no more god damn motherfucking impressions. PLEASE!” My subconscious pleaded, making me chuckle a bit. “Where are we going, if you don’t mind telling me.” Luna asked. “Well, it took a while to find a place, but I managed to grab a reservation at a place called Sugar Cube Corner, also might I add you look amazing in that dress.” I said, noticing the plain, but elegantly so, dress she was wearing. “Thank you Corbin, and might I say you look charming in the pink suit. But may I ask why it’s pink?” Luna questioned.
“Well the mare that made it thought that I would look best in pink, and I wasn’t about to argue, since she did it for free.” I explained, getting a nod from Luna. We walked out of the door and into the cool night air, though I had one question that had been bugging me. “Hey Luna, why have you been talking normally, and not in old English?” I asked.
“I normally don’t talk in old English, I only did it out of habit. I haven’t exactly been back for a while.” Luna explains with a solemn expression, causing more questions to form. “What do you mean you haven’t been back for a while, if you don’t mind me asking that is.” I said, quickly adding the last part in attempt to be nice. “You, be nice, NOT! Also I’m going to recommend getting ready for a scolding or a sob story.” Jon warns.
“Well, let us get to Sugar Cube Corner, it would be easier to explain there. But on another note how old are you Corbin?” Luna asks, making me wonder even more about what she was explaining, though I pushed my curiosity back so that I could answer the question.
“Well, I’m 20, I know I may look, and sound, older but I get that a lot.” I say, only to follow up with a question of my own, “And if you don’t mind me asking, how old are you, I probably should have asked this before but it slipped my mind. Though if I had to guess, I would say 23” I say, only to see a look of worry on Luna’s face.
“I am not 23, far from it actually, I am 2000 years old.” Luna said. “HOW IN THE ACTUAL LIVING FUCK IS SHE 2000 YEARS OLD? SHES A DAMN SUPER MODEL!” Jon screams. I, on the other hand, was trying to form a sentence. “Well for someone being thousands of years old, you look amazing.” I say, only for Luna to look at me like I just gave her a new car.
“So you’re not appalled of my age?” Luna asks in a bewildered tone. “No, why would I be appalled? I don’t care of your age, or your looks, which are gorgeous by the way. I only care for who you are on the inside, but I have to ask, are you immortal?” I ask. Luna was looking at me with a guilty expression, “No, I am not immortal, though I should be able to live for 10,000 years. I sorry Corbin I should have warned you but-“, I cut her off, “Don’t be sorry, the only thing that’s bad is that a humans normal life span is around 90 years, though I don’t see myself living past 50 because after that I really couldn’t do anything, and I’m kind sorta reckless.” I say while Luna was looking at me with a expression that was torn between happy and sad. Then her eyes widened, like a light bulb turned on in her head.
“Corbin, there might be a way for you to live as long as me! All we need is Discord!” Luna finally yells. “Well, let’s talk immortality later we’re here.” I say while gesturing toward the giant gingerbread house bakery. Luna’s expression immediately softened when she saw the bakery, that is until we walked in and a pink blur filled our vision. When I looked around I noticed that we had been picked up and seated perfectly at a table, with menus that had somehow made their way into our hands. I looked to my right and saw Pinkie standing there patiently in a waitress outfit, complete with a notebook and pencil. “That’s going on the bullshit list cause she got no fingers and she’s somehow holding those things.” Jon said in an annoyed tone, making me silently snicker.
Pinkie turned to Luna,“ So what can I get ya Princess?” she asked, getting ready to take her order. “I think I’ll have the Alfredo Special, and a glass of wine.” Pinkie then turns to me, “I think I’ll go with the Homemade Mac n’ Cheese with a small Czar Salad, and a Chocolate Milkshake.” I say. She walks off into the back, a sign was hanging next to it that read ‘Kitchen: Employees Only ‘, leaving me and Luna alone. We had some small talk, mostly random questions, that is until she asked what was my outlook on life.
“Well, I don’t exactly have the best, but I’ll tell you anyways. I personally don’t care if I die, I lived a good life, if I die now I die knowing that I had great friends and more. It doesn’t matter if I croak now or later, I lived a good life.” I say whole heartedly, though I followed up with a question of my own, and albeit timidly. “But on a slightly higher note, you said you were going to tell me why you haven’t been back for a while.” I say, though Luna’s expression turned saddened and she looked up to me.
“The reason I say that is because I have been banished for the last 1000 years, and I was only recently freed of my banishment and from Nightmare Moon. Nightmare Moon was me when I was consumed by hate and jealousy of my sister, I almost caused eternal night, and, so my sister did the only thing that she could. She banished me for 1000 years on the moon. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Luna sobs, now crying freely into my shoulder. “And and and i-I killed seven guards in the fight! I didn’t mean to do it! B-but I still feel the guilt!” she yells in between sobs. “It’s okay Luna, I don’t care what you did in the past, I only care for now and the future. And even if you did kill them I have killed too, and ill burn in hell for it, but you can’t let the guilt consume you. That and it wasn’t even you, it was the you that wasn’t thinking, so please just try to forgive yourself.” I say holding her in a hug, though I was trying to not get impaled by her horn. Her crying has gone down to small whimpering, and I decide to ask her another question to get her mind off her past, though I notice that our food had arrived. The Mac n’ Cheese was amazing, but it had nothing on my mothers cooking.
After the meal I decide to ask a question, “So on the way here you said something about making me live longer, and something about Discord?” I ask, her mood instantly brightened up. “Yes, there was a way that might work for you to live as long as me. All that needs to happen is for Discord to give you some of his chaos magic for you to use!” Luna exclaims in pure joy. “Ok, so how are we going to get him to do that? And are there going to be side effects?” I ask, worried for my health.
“There shouldn’t be any side effects and he’ll be more than willing, he is your friend after all.” Luna explains. “Seems legit.” Jon says, somewhat startling me that he just spoke up after a while. “ok, anyway should we get going, or do you want dessert?” I ask, though I already knew the answer, I ended up getting two pies that were inhaled in seconds. By Luna. “Holy shit, she can EAT!” Jon yells, I nodded in awe.
After the quick eat Luna teleported us to the castle, all the while Jon yelling, “Bullshit List Time!” Luna and I slowly made our way to her room in the maze of a castle. “Thank you Corbin, it is not often that I get to enjoy myself.” Luna says as we walk into the room. “Think nothing of it Luna, it was the least I could do.” I say tiredly, I think it was eleven at night. “Well I think it’s time for sleep, care to join me?” Luna asked, I walked over, undressed into my boxers, and soon fell asleep, holding Luna in a loving embrace. “Fuck yea, I can sleep tonight!”
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
-Dream-
“Ow, my head feels like it got hit by a fucking semi.” I asy to myself, I look around and see that I’m in a pure black hallway. Though on either side there were windows, all labeled Memories. “Where the hell am i?” I asked myself, only to be answered by silence. I got up, albeit slowly, and walked up to one of the windows. Immediately there was a flash of light and an old memory played. It started off showing my mother and me arguing.
“So what if I want my hair like this, huh? I like it, and from what you told me, I shouldn’t care what others think, as long as I like it.” Memory Me says, getting in my mother’s face, only to be slapped by her. “You DON’T talk to me like that, how many times am I going to have to tell you this, huh? Maybe I have to beat it into you, just like I did your brother. But it doesn’t matter what you think, I’m your MOTHER, I have complete control over you. Now go to your room you worthless excuse for a son!” Mom yelled, the memory me complied, tears silently streaming down his/my face.
After another bright flash of light, I found myself back in the hallway, on the verge of tears. But not tears of sadness but of rage. “God. Fucking. DAMMIT! Why, why did it have to be those memories, FUCK!” I screamed into the floor, trying to hold back the pent up anger that had been bottled for years. After what felt like hours I shakily got up and walked down towards the end of the hallway, avoiding all the windows.
I walked for what felt like days, the walls now adorning red splatters around the window frames. Then, finally, I could see a door at the end of the hallway. As I got closer I noticed that the door was blood red, chipped, and had cracks all over it, there was even a broken chain on the ground in front of it. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the door was slammed on, causing a loud muffled *Thump*, like someone was trying to break out. But what scarred me the most was the voice that emanated behind it, It sounded of pure insanity and rage.
“I know you’re out there, I can smell you’re soul!” it screamed, still bashing at the door, the first hinge broke off. My blood ran cold, I turned and ran as fast as I could the other way, only to see the hallway changing. The hallway morphed into a large dome room, a staging area. The door at the other end smashed open, sending splinters everywhere. A pure black smoke flew out of the doorway, surrounding me, until finally closing around me.
I felt pure pain, but it wasn’t pain, it was the emotional pain that strikes your very soul. Every emotion trying to break forward, but they couldn’t, they exploded around inside me, I felt as if I was going insane. That is until the voices spoke, each word or phrase whittling down my body, mind, and soul.
Worthless, waste of space, useless, die, YOU ARE NOTHING CORBIN! , nothing, “no,No,NO! I AM something, I AM useful!” I yell into the black abyss. Worthless excuse for a son, piece of shit, die, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? , “NO I don’t, Why are you doing this to me!” I yell again into the abyss, die, your nothing but an object, nothing, I am you.
And just like that, with those last words spoken, the smoke cleared revealing a loan figure. It looked exactly like me only it was made of the smoke, and had a pure red eyes and unholy smile. It started walking towards me, I instinctively started crawling away. When it finally got to me it picked me up by the throat, and slammed me against the wall.
“I am you, I was you, I will become you. You’ve kept me repressed, chained, imprisoned so that you could create a false sense of security. So you wouldn’t have to accept who you really are, how you really are. But soon Corbin, soon, I will be free. You will bow to me, and when you become broken beyond repair, I will take control. But remember this, the more you hold me back, the stronger I become.” It said, each word shaking me to my core, before reeling back its hand until it was ready to fly.
Suddenly a bright flash encased me; the last thing I saw was the thing holding me flee. When I looked around again, I notice that I was in some kind of throne room. The walls, floors, and ceiling was made of crystal, the throne on the other hand was made of pure black crystal. Green fire torches lined the walls, giving the room an eerie green glow. I looked behind me to find a large balcony leading outside. I walked out onto the balcony to find a terrifying sight, the sky was blood red, and the city below was in disrepair. When I looked closer I saw something that I’ll never forget. Men, women, children, all of them were wearing shackles around there feet. Some were mining, others loading massive crates, and some being beaten. It was horrifying, disgusting, sick, but a part of me found it amazing. For what part of me liked it I don’t know.
“Isn’t it beautiful, seeing what can be accomplished when you rule with the power of pure fear, my puppet?” a deep voice sounded all around me. I looked around franticly trying to find the source of the voice, but I couldn’t see anyone. “Where are you, show yourself!” I yelled into the throne room, only to be answered by a dark chuckle.
“In due time Corbin, in due time. But know this, I will be coming back, and war will follow to those who opposed me many years ago. But for now only remember one name and phrase. King Sombra, long live the king.” The voice said, before a black beam struck my heart sending me into the inky black abyss.
-Dream End¬-
I bolted up to a sitting position, sweat pouring down my body. I looked over to my right to see Luna tackle me into a hug. “It’s okay; it was only a nightmare, its okay.” Luna spoke in a soothing tone, after a moment I looked to my right to find Celestia hugging me too, how I didn’t feel her before, I don’t know. “Corbin, are you ok? You were thrashing and screaming, but one thing that you screamed concerned both me and Luna.” Celestia said in a worried tone. “Yes, I’m ok, thank you Celie, Luna. But what was I screaming, and Luna cant you control dreams?” I asked, only to get a blush and concerned look from Celestia, and only a worried look from Luna
“You were screaming ‘Long live the King’, why? And do you know who the king that you were referring to is?” Celestia asked, her voice sounding extremely worried now. “Let’s just say that that nightmare was the worst ever, but the only name I heard was Sombra.” as soon as I mentioned Sombra, Luna and Celestias futures darkened.
“Do you know who Sombra is?” I asked, both Luna and Celestia glanced at each other before Celestia spoke. “Sombra was one of the most evil things to have plagued this land, he lead a country through pure fear, and nothing more. He enslaved the entire Crystal Empire, and led an attack on Equestria. We were winning until the final battle at the Crystal Empire’s castle, when we defeated Sombra he tied his soul to the entire capitol and it’s citizens. And as he fell he said ‘ I shall return, Long Live The King!’ and he and the capitol vanished. But that was more that 1000 years ago. Corbin, did he say anything else?” Celestia asked, I was still in shock from what I heard, but I managed to speak.
“He said something about a coming war, and something about a puppet.” I say, but quickly follow up with a question of my own, “Did I say anything else while I was asleep?” Luna and Celestia looked at me and nodded, “You also screamed ‘I will be free’, why?” Celestia asked, probably just as confused as me.
“Well. Actually can you both do that memory spell to see my entire nightmare? See if I left anything out, I’m already starting to forget details.” I suggest, they both nod and cast the spell. A moment later both looked at me with confusion evident on their faces. “Corbin, I’m sorry but, I need you to tell us everything about you mother.” Luna said, Celestia nodding in confirmation.
“W-what?” I ask, I didn’t want to talk about her, just the thought of her scares me to the bone. “Corbin, I need you to tell us now, you’re holding your emotions in and it’s not healthy. Tell us. Now.” Luna says in a commanding tone. “N-no I-I cant, she’ll yell at me, she’ll take it out on my b-brother, I have to stay s-strong or she’ll yell. She’ll-“ I was cut off by Luna slapping me, “Just tell us Corbin, you have to let out your emotions before they consume you, unless you want to become that thing in your head. Please for me Corbin?” Luna pleaded.
“Y-your right, she’s not here, she can’t hurt me.” I say, though I just burst into tears, ones of sadness and rage toward my mother. “I was never g-good enough for her, I was always a d-disappointment. She would always tell m-me I’m worthless, and take her anger out on me and my b-brother. I took most of it so that my brother didn’t, but I always w-wanted to fight back, but I couldn’t. it was like invisible chains restrained m-me anytime I would argue with her. and EVERY FUCKING TIME SHE WOULD PUT ME DOWN, I just wanted to die. The ONLY thing I always strived for was her approval, but I never got it. She just couldn’t accept me.” I cried for what felt like hours, both Luna and Celestia comforting me. By the time I stopped I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.
“It’s ok, she isn’t here anymore to hurt you, just remember we will always be here for you.” Celestia says, getting a nod of approval from both me and Luna. Though soon after I fell into a peaceful sleep. “What a sob fest, I guess I can finally go back to sleep. Though what the fuck is with Celestia flirting with Corbin? Eh, I’ll figure it out later.”
I woke up the next morning to someone saying my name, and a wet feeling on the side of my neck. I turned to my right only to see Celestia sucking on my shoulder! I was panicking because Luna was cuddled up next to me on my left, but to make matters worse both arms were pinned, I was trapped. I looked back over to Celestia when I heard my name again, “Is she moaning your name? Dude you know what that means!” Jon said, though I didn’t comprehend what he had said when I took a closer look at Celestia, she was humanoid just like Luna! Wtf!?
She had on a simple white dress with a gold trim, and she still had her horn and wings. I tried to escape but when I moved both girls held me tighter, Luna saying something about a teddy bear, and the Celestia saying something about a bed. It only got worse when Celestia’s arm started to slowly make its way down lower, but when her hand was just about on my groin Luna shot up and looked directly at her still sleeping sister. Her face morphed from shock, confusion, and then to anger in seconds, it was safe to say she was pissed.
“SISTER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” Luna yelled, causing her sister to shoot up. Celestia looked around and noticed both her new form and were her hand still was. She quickly pulled her hand away, blushing like hell, “I didn’t mean to do it I swear!” Celestia said quickly, only to receive a skeptical look from Luna. “Didn’t mean it huh? I can very clearly remember you moaning his name, and your dream. Care to tell us?” Luna asked, Celestia at this point looked like a deer in headlights.
“H-how much of the dream did you see?” Celestia asked, “ALL of it.” Is all Luna said in response, and Celestia turned bright red. “Okay, one, what dream, and two, why the hell did you turn humanoid, pardon my language.” I asked only to have Celestia look away from me, blushing, and Luna give me a you know what face. After a brief moment it clicked, “Wait a minute! You were having THAT kind of dream!?” I asked Celestia, she nodded in confirmation.
“Though I do have one question, why?” I asked, only to get a worried look from Celestia and a what the fuck face from Luna. “Well, its because..” Celestia mumbled the rest. “Say again, I couldn’t hear you.” I say, “It’s because I have a crush on you!” She finally blurted out, Luna looked furious while I was shocked to say the least. “Why?” I asked again.
“Well it’s partly because I’m jealous of my sister. But it’s mostly because of how kind, and caring you are. You risked your life for her and I always dreamed of finding someone who would do that for me. So when you did that for Luna and how you’re normally polite, even though you have a somewhat psychotic personality, I fell for you. I’m sorry Luna, Corbin, I’ll go now.” Celestia said and vanished in a flash of light before Luna or I could say anything.
And though against my better judgment I said the first thing that came to mind, “Well that just happened.” I say in an awestruck tone. Luna, on the other hand, wasn’t taking it quite as well, “How could she not tell me about this, we tell each other everything, but I guess not now!” Luna yells, angry as all hell. “Dude, for your sake, and as well as mine, tell her that we should go find Celestia NOW before she turns her anger to you. I know this because of all those years watching TV dramas, so get fuckin moving!” Jon yells, snapping me out of my trance.
“Okay, Luna, lets go find your sister and just sit down and talk. Maybe there’s a reason the she didn’t tell you about having a crush on me, okay?” I say in the most neutral tone I could muster, and it somehow worked. “Fine, we’ll try it your way, and if it doesn’t work, we’ll do it my way.” Luna said, the last part with pure anger and a hint of joy. Needless to say I was scared to see what her way was.
As we walked around the castle in search for Celestia, Jon decided to spark up a conversation with me. “So, what’s it like having two god women after you?” Jon asks. “Well, it’s not fun, I love Luna not Celestia.” I though back in irritation. “ya cant tell me you haven’t thought about it, and don’t try lying to me, I can see inside your brain.” Jon shoots back, but follows up with a question from far left field. “I wonder if herds are a thing here, ya know if they are you could become the luckiest man on the planet.” Jon says, only for me to try to say something but come up empty when I notice that we’ve made it to Celestias room.
I was about to knock on the door politely, but Luna had other methods, this one being kick the fucking door open. The massive door flung open like it had no mass, and causing me to see something I would never forget. There in the middle of the room stood a very confused looking Celestia, humanized mind you, with nothing on. I quickly looked away, blushing like hell itself, but Jon was having a field day. “Dude, one word describes that scene, BOOBS!” I on the other hand, was quickly encased in a blue aura and dragged into the room.
I looked back up and see that Celestia was now decent, adorning the same white dress as before. I quickly spoke before Luna had the chance, “okay, before either of you say anything, we’re here to settle whatever is going on. Now that I’ve said that, let’s go straight to the point. Celestia why didn’t you tell me or Luna of your feelings, seeing that you most likely knew this was bound to happen at some point.” I say in a calming tone, hoping to dispel some of the tension in the room.
Surprisingly Celestia was the first to speak, “I never said anything because I knew it wouldn’t work, well with you, Corbin, at least. Seeing that your culture is strictly monogamous, that and I know you would be most likely against herding.” Celestia explains, but my mind was stuck on the last thing, so I asked a stupid question. “What’s herding?” I asked in a slightly timid manner. “Well, herding is where two or more females share a male, it’s widely excepted here due to the low percentage of males born. For every six that are born, only one is male.”
“Sister, is that what you were afraid of?” Luna asked, Celestia nodded while blushing a bit. “Well why didn’t you say so, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, now why don’t you just ask Corbin what he thinks of the idea.” Luna says before motioning Celestia to me. “Do not mess this up, just remember this, Boobs.” Jon says.
“Corbin are you open to the idea of herding, I understand if you are opposed to it, but please just give it some thought.” Celestia says in a pleading tone. “Don’t get your hopes up, but I’ll think about it. I’ve only been here for maybe a week, it’s going to take awhile to get used to your customs.” I say, only to have Celestia start jumping with joy, but Jon had one more thing to say. “Boob physics.” And as soon as Jon said that Celestia ran over to me a pulled me into a bone crushing hug, all the while suffocating me. ‘Again, death by boobs, WHY!?’ I think to myself. After she finally released me I asked another question, “How did you turn anthro, and that goes for you too Luna.” I ask.
Luna spoke first, “Well, both me and my sister can turn into this form and our originals at will through a small transformation spell, we learned it while you were in the hospital.” Luna said, though Celestia gasped a stared at me before speaking, “I just remembered, we all have somewhere to be!” Celestia yelled, all the while dragging me, literally, by my arm through the maze of halls, Luna in tow. And did I forget to mention that they were gods with super strength, cause’ it feels like my arm is getting ripped out of my socket.
“How in the ever living FUCK can she even know where she’s going? I mean seriously, if we tried to find a bathroom we would die of starvation, that and WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THIS MAZE BULLSHIT!” Jon ranted as we sprinted around the halls, going god knows where. That is, until Celestia suddenly stopped, I smashed into her back. It felt like I hit a brick wall, but Celestia was unfazed nor moved. “I’m just going to add that to the Bullshit List; Stopped Anthro-Alicorn =A Brick Wall.” Jon stated in a flat tone, along with what sounded like him writing on a clipboard, how he was doing this in my head I don’t know. Maybe I should get that checked out, meh, I’ll do it later.
“Corbin you should go in first.” Celestia said, pointing to the huge door in front of us. I walked to the door and slowly opened it, only to find darkness, and against my better judgment and Jon screaming, “IT’S A TRAP!” I walked into the room.
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
Party!....Oh and Chryssie's here! YAY!
As soon as I walked into the room I was blinded by a sensory overload, the most prevalent being blinded and my eardrums feeling like they just got ruptured by the room screaming ‘SURPRISE!’. In less than a second I was on my ass, I looked around and saw a sea of ponies. I’m not kidding, there has to be over a hundred n’ fifty ponies all in the same room, and yet there was only two I know; Pinkie and Twilight.
Pinkie came bouncing up to me, and I’m not kidding, she was seriously bouncing towards me. “Doyoulikeit? It’s your ‘Late-Welcome-To-Ponyville-And-Canterlot’ Party! So do you like it? Huh,huh,hu-“ Pinkie was cut off as a lavender aura closed her mouth. I looked over to Twilight, who was now walking over to our little group. I got up and nodded to Twilight in a silent ‘thank you’, and looked behind me only to see both Luna and Celestia back in there pony forms.
“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, it’s so good to see you again!” Twilight exclaims as she runs up to both princesses, enveloping them into a hug. She then turns to me with a warm smile, “So how was your date?” Twilight asked. I shrugged, “it was nice, we both learned more than a few things about each other, and it was fun.” I said, a sincere smile on my face. I was about to say something else but was interrupted by Pinkie screaming ‘LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED! BAR AND FOOD IS OVER HERE, HIT IT VINYL!’ as soon as she said that the entire room was assaulted by what can only be described as hardcore Dubstep, I was not a fan.
I could handle the normal stuff but I was more of a heavy metal fan, so I made my way up to the DJ. I had already took out my IPod, that I forgot I had and was fully charged somehow, and had a song preselected; The Vengeful One by Disturbed. “Hey, you want to hear some human music?!” I shouted at the DJ, she had a white coat and two tone electric blue mane, she also sported a pair of shades and headphones. As soon as she heard the word ‘music’ she shook her head in excitement. She gave me a cord to plug in my IPod, as soon as it was plugged in I let the song start. I got down from the stage and went over towards the bar, and saw Kim about to go into a drinking contest against a HUGE red pony, and by huge I mean the ‘I’ll send you flying in one hit’ huge. I walked up next to them and said “Count me in, I’m about to wipe the floor with you guys.”
Kim just slugged me in the arm, yelling about her leg, but I ignored it as I saw our drinks coming to us. They were labeled Hard Cider, this is gonna be fun. The bartender gave us all our drinks and called out, “Ready. Set. GO!” as soon as he said that we were all downing our drinks. I finished first, while the red pony was second, and Kim was dead last.
“HA! Told you I would win!” I gloated while giving Kim a shit eating grin and ordering the strongest thing that the bar had for me and Kim, the red pony just disappeared somehow. Didn’t even get his name. “So, how have you been?” I asked, while stupidly downing half my drink, It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
“Good so far, could be better if my leg wasn’t, ya know, SHOT OFF yesterday. Only to be reattached, it’s sore as hell right now! What did you shoot me with?!” Kim barked, she already looked a bit tipsy and I was felling it. “Well for one, I didn’t shoot you, Celestia did by accident, and two, it was with a .50 cal. So be happy that it was your leg. But on a side note, do you want to do something stupid?” I ask, both of us finishing our drinks, we were both drunk as hell so any rational thought was thrown out the window. “Sure, why not?” Is all she slurred in a carefree way.
I flared my magic, using the song in the background, and dressed us both in military combat gear. I motioned for her to follow me up to the stage, once up there I grabbed two mics and handed one to Kim while speaking into mine. “WHO’S READY TO ROCK!” I yelled, only getting a few stares in reasponse, but I started the song anyways, it was System of a Down. Kim and I both took turns on verses, but on the second round of the chorus we had the entire place singing ‘I-E-A-I-A-I-O!’ it was awesome. After the song was over I leapt off stage and left Kim to continue her drunk singing, the song changed to Angel by Shaggy. I found Luna and Celestia, and after a minute we were all dancing. Did I mention I’m a horrible dancer, cause I am, but I didn’t give a fuck. I was drunk and happy, the last thing I remember was Jon saying ,”Go home your drunk!”
-Dream-
I open my eyes only to find myself chained to wall, I was in that throne room once again. I tried getting out of my bindings for what felt like hours, only to end up with hurt wrists. “Are you done yet?” A deep voice asked, it made me jump. “What do you want? And who are you!?” I screamed into the air, I was answered by a deep laugh. The laugh itself made me feel uneasy, and caused the air to feel oppressive, it felt as if it was crushing my body. “You still don’t know who I am, but I’ll enlighten you, I am King Sombra and you will speak to me as such.” Sombra said in a commanding tone, one of which could probably send me to my knees if I were standing.
I don’t know what possessed me to do this but I did, “Heh, ya right, what are you going to do to me?” I asked in a cocky tone. “This is going to be fun breaking you.” Sombra said before the room went dark, the only light on me and a cage with a tarp draped over it. Slowly the tarp was removed, leaving me with I sight I feared the most, It was Luna.
“Corbin, where are we, how did we get here?” Luna asked franticly, I tried to speak but I couldn’t, I could only watch. “This is what happens when you disobey me.” Sombra boomed, Luna was about to say something when she burst into flames. I kicked and fought against my bindings as I tried to save Luna, her screams getting louder and louder. But against my will my body stopped, and my eyes locked with Luna’s, I couldn’t look away as she slowly burned to death. I was in tears, a water fall of them as I tried to look away, break the chains, but everything seemed to slow down as she spoke her final words, “Why didn’t you help me? I trusted you Corbin, but you didn’t help me.” Her words were strained, but they were her last. Those last words broke me, I couldn’t stop the voices. “Worthless, why didn’t you help me, nothing, you didn’t do anything to help, you are shit and you know it, you can’t help anyone, failure.” All of them spinning around in my head.
“You see Corbin, you can’t stop me, and this is what happens when you try to defy a king. But as much as I would love to chat, I think it is time to go.” Sombra said as a black beam hit me in the chest.
-Reality-
I shot up from my dream in a cold sweat, I was breathing hard. Once I calmed down a little bit, by telling myself it was just a nightmare, I looked around and noticed that I was in my old room in the castle. I looked to my left and saw Luna, who was in pony form, and to my right was someone I had never seen before. She was as big as Luna and Celestia, had a black coat, a teal mane, and what looked like bug wings and a jagged horn. I was slightly worried but at the same time I wasn’t cause I hadn’t had my coffee. I slowly made my way out of the bed, how I didn’t wake either of them was a complete mystery for me, and headed into the kitchen only to hear a knock at the door.
I slowly made my way to the door, my hangover now making itself apparent with a massive head ache. When I opened the door I was pulled into a warm embrace by non other than Celestia, she was about to say something but her face fell into a scowl. I turned around and saw that the mystery mare had made her way out into the living room, and was just staring at Celestia in horror. “Ok, dude, before you say anything, THINK.” Jon says, though I don’t exactly comprehend him well at the fact that I’m still only half awake, so I do the first thing that comes to mind. “Wait here.” Is all I say to Celestia before closing the door in her face, I turn back to the new comer, “It’s too early to be arguing, so who are you, and why dose Celestia hate you?” I say in a groggy tone as I pull her with me to the kitchen.
“I’m Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings….why are you not afraid of me? Or Celestia for that matter, you just outright slammed the door in her face!” Chrysalis asked in a bemused voice, though who can blame her? I basically just gave the finger to what amounts to a god, I do that a lot don’t I? “Yes, Yes you do.” Jon said only for me to grunt in irritation. “A Queen huh, nice. I’m not afraid of you because I don’t know you, and I’m not afraid of Celestia because she’s basically a giant cuddly marshmallow once you get to know her. Anyway what’s up with you two, it looked like she absolutely hated you, why?” I ask while idly sipping my freshly made coffee, leaning against the counter. “Well…I may or may not have tried to take over her kingdom so my hive could survive. You see changelings feed off of love and Equestria gives off so much, and most of my hive was dying, I tried to do what was necessary. Though we failed and had to retreat….How are you taking this so well!?” Chrysalis asked, I just shrugged “I’ve heard worse, that and I think you were justified in your actions because of your motives. You only did what you thought best for your children, just like any good mother would, no matter the cost. Though we’ll have to pause the conversation for a moment because Luna’s been standing there in shock for a while and Celestia Is going to be coming in, in a few seconds. So be prepared to see a Princess get tazed.” I say as I summon a small tazer, and as if on cue we hear the front door slam open to reveal a pissed off Celestia.
“GET AWAY FROM CORBIN CRIMINAL!” Celestia boomed, knocking Luna out of her trance. “Okay, before any of you make a move, I want Luna and Celestia to go to the living room and sit on the left couch, as for you Chrysalis I want you to sit on the right. I’m going to come in there in five minutes and I want to see everyone getting along, okay? Now go.” I say in a calm yet stern voice, all of them miraculously complied, all heading to the living room with surprised expressions. “Huh, never thought that that would work, or for you to take charge, good job.” Jon said, making me feel a little better.
After five minutes rolled by without a sound of an incident, I slowly made my way to the living room, tazer in hand cause you never know when it can come in handy. I turned into the living room and saw all rulers on their respective couches, the only problem was that Luna and Celestia were glaring daggers in to a scared looking Chrysalis, much to my distaste. I coughed to get their attention before addressing the first of many issues, “Okay, you two stop scaring my guest” I start, looking at the royal sisters, Celestia was about to say something so I continued quickly. “And I know she tried to take over your kingdom but she had good reason, so just hear me out on this, but just know that even if you say no, I’m still going to explain it.” I say, only for both sisters to mumble something under their breath, I think I heard Celestia say something about getting me back later, but I ignored it.
“Now I know that you two just want to throw her in the dungeons or some shit like that, I would want to too if I was in your position” I looked over to Chrysalis, panic and horror on her face, so I went and sat down and wrapped her in a hug, much to her surprise. I could tell because her body stiffened, and her breathing hitched, but I continued. “But I’m guessing that you never got to hear her reasoning behind her actions, and before you say anything, let me ask you two a simple question. What does any good mother do?” I ask, confusion flashed across both princesses faces, but Luna was the first to answer. “They protect, care, and love their children. Corbin, why are you asking us this?” Luna asked, Celestia nodding in agreement. I looked over to Chrysalis, who had slowly began to hide in my hold from the co-rulers across the room. I chuckled and began to pet her like a dog, avoiding the razor sharp looking horn.
“What if I told you that the only reason that Chrisy here attacked you was a last resort to save, not only her children, but her entire race that was on the brink of extinction? But before you two answer,” I looked down to Chrysalis with a stern expression, “Did you ever try to just talk with them, try to negotiate some kind of agreement?” I asked her, she instantly looked away with a guilty expression, it told me everything I needed to know.
I looked back over to Celestia and Luna, “So now that you know the full story, will you be able to give her a chance? And even if you don’t, I will, because someone has too.” I say with pure determination, both Celestia’s and Luna’s faces flashed through almost every emotion until Celestia spoke. “ okay, say that we make a deal with her, where is she going to stay, and how do we know she won’t break the agreement?” She asked, her voice coated with pure malice, but also had a hint of respect.
“That’s simple, she’ll stay here in the castle because she’s royalty, and to make sure she won’t double cross ya, I’ll have her stay with me all the time.” I say matter-of-factly, the response I was meet with was almost exactly as I planned. Celestia looked absolutely livid respect (A phenomena that only occurs when someone gives you respect, but is absolutely pissed at why. –The Author of this piece of shit), Luna looked like she was back in shock, and Chrysalis did something from far left field. She threw her forelegs around me in an awkward tackle-snuggle-hug that landed both of us, me on my back and her on top, on the couch. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I’m so happy I could kiss you!” she yelled in pure joy, and unfortunately, she kept true to her word. She leaned right down and kissed me full on the lips. ‘Ah shit here we go again.’ I thought to myself as Chrysalis suddenly pulled back in shock sputtering, while looking around towards Luna and Celestia in fear, “I-I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean to do that, I swear!” I took her head in my hand and forced her to look at me while holding my other in a stop motion to halt the now pissed looking princesses.
“It’s okay, I would have done the same thing in your position, but how about we go figure out the terms of this new treaty, huh?” I ask the now slightly blushing mare, though Jon decided to join in, but he sounded not fully awake. “OKAY what the FUCK is going on! I just got up assholes; now shut the fuck up so I can go back to BED! You all are on my shit list you Goddam-motherfuckin-cocksuckin-asshat-SHITFUCKS!” the last part sounded like he was walking down a hallway, but I ignored it cause I was being gently picked up by Chrysalis, who still had a blush. ‘Oh god not her too, I don’t need another Celestia incident!’ I panic thought to myself, I just realized that she’s still blushing, and that could mean only one thing. Or many things given the situation, ah fuck this, I can’t read women dammit!
Once I was back on my feet, a bright flash blinded me, again, I’m starting to see a pattern here. When I could see again I noticed that we had been teleported to the now reconstructed throne room, both princess seated on their respective thrones with their best poker faces with Chrysalis and I standing before them. I was about to speak, but was cut off by Celestia. “The royal court has been called for a treaty between Equestria and The Changelings, let the case begin.” Her voice regal and unmoving, this is going to take a while *Sigh*
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
Time Flies When You.....WHAT!?
“So how was your weekend Corbin? It’s been kind of scary without you here, knowing that every guard and the princesses themselves watching my every move.” Chrysalis said with a slight shudder as she slowly drank her coffee. We were sitting in the living room of my new house, courtesy of the chaos magic Discord gave me, chatting about how both our weekends went. It was safe to say that mine was pretty eventful, some good, some bad, and some just downright weird. But Chrysalis had a tough ride ahead of her, she and the princesses still had yet to come to a final agreement as to where her hive would live.
“Yea, it would be pretty fucking scary knowing that an entire army and two gods were watching your every move, but don’t worry I’ll fend them off for ya cause fuck em’, you’re a good person-pony-thing with a good heart.” I say, taking another sip of my coffee that I may or may not have laced with rum.
“Well, thank you for letting me stay with you here, even if Luna is here a lot of the time.” Chrysalis said with a smile before picking up my coffee blend when I tried to reach for it. “And what did you put in this, may I ask?” a knowing smirk on her face.
“Ya know coffee, creamer, rum, and sugar. And don’t you give me that look, happy hour is every hour!” I exclaim in an over dramatic tone and pose. Chrysalis just giggled at my antics and passed me a new cup of coffee, and much to my dismay it was straight black so it sobered me up pretty fast. “And you know better than to drink in the morning.” She said, but I decided to be a smart ass for a moment. “I don’t mean to be technical or anything, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.” I say with a shit eating grin, only for her to give me a deadpan stare. That is until she caved and busted out laughing.
“So, would you care to tell me how your weekend went?” She asked. “Okay, okay, I’ll tell you, everything started off fine until…..”
-Flashback to Friday-
I walked into my new house that had only been made a few days prior, and found a sight that almost made me fall to the ground laughing. There on my couch was a sleeping pony Luna with her head hanging off almost on the floor with her other half on the couch backwards. It reminded me of when my cousin and I sat upside down on the couch and tried to play House of the Dead on the Wii, but I had a very bad idea on how to wake her up.
I slowly made my way over to her sleeping form, “it would be a shame if someone were to, say, flip her awake…” Jon said with a creepy giggle. As I was reaching down to grab the cushions Luna’s hoof shot out and hit the one and only thing blocking it’s way, my nuts. The amount of pain that shot through me could not be described, and to add insult to injury the amount of force that I was hit with sent me through the living room wall right into the kitchen.
Luna jumped up the couch and ran to my side, “I’m sorry Corbin, I didn’t mean to hit you, I thought you were an intruder!” she said in a worried tone, “Are you okay, where did I hit you?” she asked, I somehow managed a reply. “Nuts…plus…hooves…are…bad” I weezed while clutching my, hopefully intact nuts.
“Of all the places that I could of hit, why there! I’m so sorry Corbin, here let me help.” As Luna’s horn started to glow, she leaned down and touched my head and in an instant the pain vanished. Breathing a sigh of relief, I stood up and checked myself, and was pleased to see that my family jewels were still intact. I looked up to see Luna with her head hung low with a guilty expression and a slight blush. “Hey, it’s ok Luna it was an accident. And I get the guilty look but why the blush?” I ask, genuinely confused, Luna just looked at me and pointed. I looked to where she was pointing and I almost died of embarrassment. Somehow between the time of checking myself and talking to Luna I had sprung a boner, and I know that we already did it but it was still embarrassing.
I looked back up to Luna and what I saw made my heart start beating faster, Luna was staring at me with a half lidded gaze as she had her way over to me, swaying her hips all the way. She wrapped forelegs around me and whispered into my ear, “You know, I could help you with that…” the tone of her voice sent a shiver down my back. “Whatever you do DON’T fuck up, well not in the bad way at least.” Jon said, I just completely ignored him. In the time it took him to talk Luna was already trying to get my pants unbuttoned, but to no avail. I decided to give a hand and undid my pants, letting them fall down to my ankles, leaving me only in my boxers with a massive tent in the middle. Luna was just about to take them off when the door slammed opened, “Hey Corbin why didn’t-” There in the door way was non-other than Kim looking dumbstruck. Luna just eeped and ran out of the room, I just looked at Kim with a deadpan expression, “Of all the fucking times you could have come, why now?” I asked. “I have no words to explain the rage I feel inside.” Jon sounded pissed, and that was an understatement.
“I was bored, it’s not like I knew you were about to get lucky. I’m guessing your mad?” Kim asked, reverting to her normal ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude. “Mad, no. irritated, yes, because I’m going to have a case of blue balls for the rest of the fuckin’ day!” I really had no other things to say so I just pulled my pants back on and asked, “So, anyway, what are you doing here. It’s only eleven, you normally don’t get up till around one.” Usually when Kim was up earlier than normal, she had something important happening that day.
“Ya Celestia sent me to tell you that she wanted to talk to you about some committee and Luna, she also said to come alone, don’t ask me why cause I don’t know. Also why do I smell blueberries?” Kim asked, i really had no idea why the house smelt like blueberries, “I don’t know, it’s smelt like this for a while now, meh, I’ll figure it out later. Anyway, that’s kind of weird that Celestia wants me to come alone, but who am I to argue against a god, what’s that in your hand?” I asked, pointing to the rolled up paper in her hand.
“Oh ya, this thing, Celestia said for you to open it and for me not too. Don’t know why and nor do I care, so open the damed thing!” Kim said while tossing me the scroll. As soon as I opened it a bright flash blinded me, when I looked around I saw that I was back in the castle, where in it I don’t know, I was in one of the many maze like corridors.
“Well shit, better start walking.” Jon said, I just started to walk when I heard someone yell hey behind me. I turned around and saw a white pony with a blond mane walking towards me. He had his nose in the air and was wearing a white suit; all in all I already didn’t like him. “What are you doing roaming the royal halls, and what are you some hairless ape?” the stallion said, I just rolled my eyes and kept walking. “What do you think you’re doing beast, come back here!” I just kept walking while saying, “Cool story bro.”
“Beast, you will listen to me, I am royalty!” the stallion yelled, then I heard him trotting towards me. I turned to face him again, getting extremely annoyed, “Okay, let’s get one thing strait, I don’t care who the fuck you are. If you aren’t Luna, Celestia, or one of my friends then fuck off, unless you would like to keep talking, because if you do I’m going to shove my hand so far up your ass I’ll be working your mouth like a puppet.” I was already irritated from what had happened today, so I decided to make it clear, “Got it, good. Now take me to Celestia, she sent me a letter to meet her here but I don’t know where here in the castle is.” I say, glaring daggers into the stallion, he nodded his head feverishly and started trotting down the hall.
It took about half an hour to get to Celestias room, but as soon as we got there the stallion bolted away. “Huh, never even got his name. Prick.” Jon said, I walked into the room to see Celestia sitting at a desk scribbling away on a piece of paper. “Kim said you wanted to see me? Oh, and next time give me a warning when you’re going to randomly teleport me, I’m gonna go blind at this rate.” She looks over to me with a sheepish smile, “Sorry, but I wanted to have a little fun.” Celestia said with a warm smile.
I chuckled, “It’s fine, but why did you want me here, cause the explanation I got from Kim was a little vague.” I was confused to say the least. “Well we are going to the conference room in a moment for a small meeting, and I thought that you would like to come.” Celestia answered, now I was really confused. “May I ask why you would want me to come to the meeting?”
“Well to be a neutral third party to keep the peace, that and you can give your unbiased opinion when you feel it is necessary. Though you will need a country to represent, what was your countries name?” Celestia asked, I on the other hand was still concentrating on the fact that I was now an international delegate technically. “Um, in that case I’ll just represent the United States of America, but who else is going to be there?” I asked. “All of the other countries leaders, King Valus, the leader of the Minotaur’s, Prince Marsay, leader of the Griffons, and King Maul, Leader of the Dragons. Normally, King Valus and King Maul are at each other’s throats trying to see who has a better military, so expect a fight between them, but don’t worry about the Prince he is a very quiet and reserved leader. The entire meeting is on weapon trade agreements between Equestria and the one of the other nations, which one I do not know, but I was hoping that you could also give some pointers on which weapons are better.” Celestia informed me, she had just about blown my mind but I still managed to speak.
“Okay then, let me just suit up, I’m gonna make an entrance.” I say, only to get a look of confusion from Celestia, but by that point I had already suited up. I was dressed in a full out Uncle Sam outfit, but with an added touch of Merica’ power with the dual .410 Judge revolvers, one in each hand, painted red, white, and blue. Celestia was looking at me like I had grown a second head, it was amusing actually.
“I’m dressed like one of my countries propaganda people, his name is Uncle Sam, or as I call him, Merica’s defender!” I exclaim with pride, Celestia giggled at my antics and motioned for me to follow her before walking off out of the room. It only took a minute to get the conference room, but when we opened the doors all conversation stopped and all eyes were on me. There was a large table with the three leaders sitting at each side; on the left was who I assumed was Maul because there was a large black dragon with piercing yellow eyes. The one at the far head of the table was Prince Marsay, he was a tall looking griffon with a small golden crown, and on the right was King Valus, he was a behemoth red minotaur with a large golden necklace with an embedded ruby.
I felt a bead of sweat roll down my forehead, so I said the first thing that came to mind, “Say hello to Merica, the land of the brave and the home of the free!” the room was suddenly in an uproar, not even Celestia could calm it, so I took one of my revolvers out, aimed it at the ceiling, and pulled the trigger. The retort of the pistols BANG shut them up almost immediately, allowing me to speak.
“Okay lets get one thing strait, I am not here as another country, I am here as a third party to watch over the trade agreements to see if they are fair. This includes the weapon inspection, so I will be giving pointers to who has the best. I am also the peace keeper, and I will use force if needed, now I’m gonna stand right here while you all do your thing.” When I got done speaking all the leaders in the room had different reactions, Valus and Maul both had smiles on their faces, the Prince still had a neutral look, and Celestia was looking at me like I had gone mad. “She really isn’t too far on that assumption.” Jon said, and for one I agreed with him.
“Now that introductions are done, I would like to apologize for his unorthodox way of, as he calls it, keeping the peace. But enough talking about him let us start the meeting.” Celestia states while taking the final seat at the head of the table. There was a little grumbling, but the meeting went off without a hitch. That is, until they got to the weapon evaluation.
There were only three weapons on the table that were deemed good enough to be shown. The first was a steel blade that almost exactly resembled a machete; this one came from the griffons. The middle one was a large double sided medieval looking axe that looked like it weighed more than me, and I’m 150; this, unsurprisingly, came from the Minotaur’s. The final weapon was a large, pitch black, claymore that looked about 6 feet tall, the same height as me; this one came from the dragons. They all looked to Celestia and me for the answer, it was an easy choice.
I was the one to say that Celestia chose the Griffons, while the Prince was hppy Mual looked a little mad, but not to much. But for Valus it was a whole new type of pissed, and it’s an understatement when I say that Valus was mad, because he looked absolutely livid. “You chose that over superior Minotaur forging!” Valus roared while standing to his full height, he looked almost 8 feet tall. He started to storm over towards us, but I stepped right I front of him, earning a worried glance from Celestia and a glare from Valus.
“Well I’m back from the bathroom an-, wow this escalated quickly. Why exactly are we standing in the path of a living war machine that LITTERALY towers over your skinny ass?” Jon asked, though I ignored him as I drew my pistols, both aimed from the hip at his knees. “I would advise against taking another step asshole, I really don’t want to get blood on my new suit.” I warn with a small scowl, only angering Valus more. “Da fuck dude, are you trying to get us killed, cause I don’t approve!” Jon said, in a somewhat panicked tone.
“You have no authority over me creature, now get out of my way before I make you to teach your so called ruler a lesson by-” Valus never got to finish his sentence as two .410 shells tore through his legs, or at least that was what was supposed to happen. Instead all that happened was the tell tale sound of an empty gun firing. Click click click, “Seriously you forgot to summon ammo WITH the weapons!?” Jon yelled, the worst part is, he’s right.
“Fuck my life” I muttered to myself, I looked back up at Valus who was now ginning. With speed I would have never thought possible, Valus’s massive fist shot out and hit me square in the chest. I heard Celestia yell something as I went flying back into the wall, when I tried to get up I was violently yanked into the air by Valus. “You cannot hurt-” Is all he got out before I punched him in the face, he reeled back from the strike and was then encased by a golden aura. I dropped to the ground with a thump, I felt a soft touch on my cheek, when I looked up I saw Celestia looking at me with a face of worry. “Why did you fight him?” Celestia asked, almost in tears.
“Because that fucker insulted and threatened you, I wasn’t gonna let that slide. But how about I wait outside until you get this mess cleaned up, then we can go get some cake or something.” I say, chuckling a bit at the last part.
Celestia smiled before her aura encased me, I felt a warming sensation, but as quickly as it came it ended. “Your ribs are healed, though I would advise against fighting anytime soon. But I will take you on your offer of cake, now go wait until I can get this all sorted out.”
After about fifteen minutes Celestia walked out of the conference room looking happy, I didn’t ask what happened, I was too lazy to. “Now how about we get to the other reason I summoned you here.” Celestia said, I nodded, but before I could say anything I was blinded by a flash of light. When I could see again I noticed that were now in the dining room, I was already seated as was Celestia right across from me, she was giving me a warm smile.
“So what exactly did you want to talk about, something about Luna right?” I asked, Celestia sighed and nodded. “Corbin, have you by any chance heard the term heat? Not the weather kind either.” She asked, I shook my head, Celestia sighed again before speaking. “Have you, by any chance, been smelling fruits around PonyVille? And more specifically, blueberries, in your house as of late?” Celestia asked, the knowing smile on her face was starting to make me think that something is going on.
“Yea, now that you mention it I have been, but how does this all relate to Luna?” I asked, I was completely lost. “Well when a mare goes into heat, the pheromones that are released have a distinct smell for each mare, in Luna’s case blueberries.” Celestia explains.
“So Luna’s in heat, but what does that mean?” I was completely lost on what a heat was. “Yes, Luna is in heat, but what the heat cycle dose to the mares body is increase the sex drive by tenfold, most can just ignore it but in some cases mares will jump a stallion. There have been a few cases where a stallion was injured, but not many. And if your wonder were Luna sits in this, let’s just say this is her first one in a thousand years, so I would be care full if I were you. The best part about alicorn heat cycles is that they only last three days instead of the normal week, so you lucked out there.” When Celestia finished the only thing that I could think of was a skeleton with a thumbs up and a crushed pelvis, “Death by snu snu.” Jon said.
“Well thanks for the warning, I’ll keep that in mind but do you think you could send me back home now, I have a wall to fix thanks to Kim.” I say, I was not looking forward to fixing the wall. Celestia nodded and a bright light blinded me, when I could see again I was happy to notice that I was back in my house, that is until I heard someone clear there throat behind me. When I turned around I see none other than Luna, “How about we pick up where we left off….”
-Present-
“And let’s just say I didn’t leave that room for the rest of the weekend.” I said, finally finishing my weekend story, the entire time I was telling it Chrysalis had been laughing her ass off, much to my dismay.
After about ten minutes she had finally calmed her laughing fit, she looked like she was going to say something but her face instantly contorted to fear. I looked behind me and saw a grey unicorn with a pitch black mane, I couldn’t help but feel like I’ve seen him before. “This did not go according to plan” the stallion said, and just like that I knew who it was, King Sombra had returned.
End of Book Thing 1
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
All I could remember was falling, and hitting something hard, before blacking out again. Ok, my name is Corbin, I was walking home from work and then I blacked out, and somehow started falling then blacked out again. I had just started to regain consciousness and I looked around surveying the area. I seemed to be in a hospital of sorts and in bed with an IV hooked up to my left arm, that of which I took out. I heard voices outside the hospital door, both sounded female.
“Hey, if you can hear me I’m awake, but can someone tell me what happened?” I asked.
Through the door I hear, what sounded like gasps, before two ponies came crashing through the door. The first pony was red and had a white cross on her flank, she also sported a traditional baby blue doctors attire. The other was a small lavender unicorn with what looks like a compass star on her flank, she wore no clothing but her mane was purple with lighter highlights that also sported pink in some areas. Both there expressions, and mine, were pure shock, but with a hint of curiosity.
The lavender pony was the first to talk, “What are you, who are you, and why are you here?” she stated in rapid succession.
“Well my name is Corbin, I am a human from a place called earth, and I don’t know why or how I am here. Though I could ask yourself the same question.” I simply stated.
“Well if you must know, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I am a unicorn, we are currently in the country of Equestria, the reason why I am here is because of you. There was a high fluctuation of energy in the area I found you. You had been knocked unconscious, so I brought you here and are currently waiting for the princesses to arrive.”
As soon as I heard that royalty was coming I immediately started panicking, because ya know, royalty? Twilight seemed to pick up on this and assured me that they would not harm me, they only wanted to ask questions. This calmed me down immensely.
“Thank you Twilight, I need that.” That said, I was still extremely nervous for the reason royalty wanted to talk to me. I knew when they had arrived when I heard what sounded like a rolling chariot, “Hey fucktard I think there here.” My conscious said. My assumptions where answered when two extremely tall ponies entered the room, both looking straight at me. The first pony was a magnificent snow white with a picture of the sun on her flank, she also had a rainbow-esque mane that seemed to move on its own accord. The other pony had to have been the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, she had a midnight black coat with a depiction of the moon on her flank, at which I stared at for a long minute, and her mane was a deep midnight blue with what looked like small twinkling stars inside.
”…She’s beautiful…” I whispered, just barely audible, though to my horror the one as-for-mentioned heard the statement. “DAYUM!” is all my conscious decided to say.
“What dost thou mean, “She’s Beautiful”, and what is thy name?” she asked, her voice, though in what sounded like old English, was like silk to my ears.
“ I…I mean..uh..” I stuttered, “ I said that you are beautiful” I said sheepishly, already a blush coming to my face.
“How so?” she stated, her interest showing in her eyes. “Well” I began,” Your coat is simply stunning the way it shines even though it’s a beautiful deep black, and your mane reminds me of the night sky in all its awe aspiring glory. And not to mention your eyes” I said with sincerity, and sheepishly, my blush now burning furiously. “Well way to go Prince Stalker, smooth.” Dammit brain shut the fuck up!
The night Princess simply blinked, a look of shock and confusion on her face. That is until she shook her head blushing hard before speaking.
“We art most flattered by thous praise, our name is Princess Luna, ruler of the Moon and Night, and this”, she motions to the other princess,” is Princess Celestia ruler of the sun and day. Together we rule the land of Equestria.” She stated, the last part with pride. A huge smile plastered on her face.
I only stared at her, I could feel the pride and joy that seemed to be radiating off her, it was amazing to say the least.
After that, Celestia spoke up for the first time, “Well..thank you for your praise and admiration towards my sister, though there are more pressing matters at hand. First off who and what are you?” she asked.
“I am what my people would call a human, my name is Corbin. I have no intentions of causing harm to anybody, you have my word.” ,and I meant every word of it, I was just hoping they could tell I was being sincere.
An awkward silence began to fill the air, that is, until Luna spoke. “We art most appreciative of thous words, though we do still have one question. Dost thou wish to stay? If so, we insist that thou comes with us to Canterlot, and stay in one of the royal suites so that we may get more acquainted with one another.” She had a bit of anxiety to her words, and sounded rather hopeful. It was odd to be honest.
“I would be honored, though I understand that you would probably want me close when you inevitably send me home.” There was a hint of sadness to my voice. Not because I wanted to go home, but the opposite. I didn’t want to go home, I wanted to stay, I loved it here. I was welcomed and accepted, and wasn’t judged as soon as i got here. I was only asked a few minor questions and then befriended. I only hoped I could stay here and maybe even bring some of my friends here too.
Random Life (Book Thing 1)
Chapter 5:
Greetings
After a while Luna got off of me, allowing me to get up. As I was getting up I popped a few joints that made Luna wince a little.
“Well, it was fun while it lasted, but I think you have a train to catch.” Luna said, but didn’t give me time to react when she teleported to the train with me in tow. “That. Was weird.” Is all I got out before falling unconscious.
When I wake up I notice that I’m in a library of sorts. I sat up fast and hit my head on something hard, “ow, ow, ok bad idea, bad idea, ow.” I look at what I had hit and it was a low hanging metal bar. I reached up to my head and felt a nice sized lump, and decided to go try to find some ice. I sit up, this time avoiding the bar, and walk around until I find a kitchen. I open the freezer and luckily found a small ice pack; I wrap the ice pack in a small, thin hand towel, and placed it on my head, I sigh in relief as the coolness numbed the throbbing pain in my skull. “Good morning dumbass.” Jon replies, making me grunt in disappointment.
“Good morning Corbin.” I hear behind me, I gave a small yelp and turn around to see Twilight, she looked like she just got up.
“You do know you scared the fu…fudge out of me, right?” I asked, my heart still racing.
“Yes, and it was pretty funny.” Twilight giggled “and Celestia told me why you are here. So do you want to start now or later?” she asked, “Now” is all I say in response. “Ok then, activate your magic.”
“Well I don’t exactly know how I did it, though I do have an idea.” I start to think of a song, seeing that the last time I was singing and my magic was ‘on’, and Twilight was just staring at me, probably wondering what I have in mind. “By the way the lyrics to this song are a bit dark, so…ya” I warned Twilight and began to sing Daddy by Korn.
When I finish I look down to see that the armor and weapons were fully formed, though this time they don’t go away. “ah hell ya, this is awesome” I yell out in triumph. “Dude your still fucking pink.” Jon said, trying to be a buzz kill.
“Well when you’re done applauding yourself; let’s see how much power you actually have”. Twilight states before walking towards the door. “Ok, what do you want me to do?” I ask. “Just do what you think is right, though we should probably take this outside, follow me.” Twilight just walks towards the door again and I follow close behind. Once we got outside, we went behind the library and walked for a few minutes until we got to a small clearing. “Ok, just do anything you think is right, I’ll be over there, about 50 yards away.” Twilight explains and walks away.
Ok, so what does every superhero or villain do when they have magic? Maybe a ground stop? So I raise my foot as high as it will go and bringing it down as hard as I could into the ground. As soon as my foot made contact there was a blinding light and a deafening explosion when the dust cleared, I notice that I’m standing in a small crater, I also notice Twilight running towards me at full speed. When she got to me she spouted a million questions in a second. “wow, wow, wow, one question at a time.” I say.
“How did you do that?” she asks simply. “I don’t know, I just did it, also I really want to try out my sword if you don’t mind.” I say eagerly, really wanting to try it out. Twilight just nods and points toward a tree, the tree looks to be about two feet in diameter. I take my sword in both hands and bring it back into a batting position. Once I got my footing right, I swing the sword, like a baseball bat, with all my might. The blade just passes through the tree like nothing, though a second later the area that was cut exploded into a shroud of fire and shrapnel. When the debris and smoke clear I see two figures flying towards me. The first figure was a cyan blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane. The other seemed to be human but with wings….wait…is that? “Holy shit, Kim!” I yelled, extremely surprised. “Corbin, you asshole, is that you!?”,”Yea!” I yell back, running full speed toward her, as she’s flying to me at full speed. Though the last thing I remember is smashing foreheads together and blacking out. “Fucktards.”
I slowly open my eyes, and see that I’m back in the infirmary, “Well fuck, how many times are ya wake up here?” Jon says in an annoyed tone. I look to my left and see that Kim is sleeping soundly on the bed next to me. I grew a mischievous grin and silently got up from my bed. I slowly made my way around my bed until I was directly next to Kim’s; I grabbed the side of the bed and lifted. Kim gave a small startled yelp before hitting the ground. I walk over next to her and kick her a little so that she would get up. When she got up she just glared at me, and then kicked me in the nuts, hard. As I fall to the ground writhing in pain Kim just walks around me and lies down in my bed. “Good to see you too sunshine” I say, Kim only responds by flipping me off. Then, an all too familiar, bright flash blinded me for a second, and there stood Luna. She looked down to me and hurried to my side, obviously worried, “Are you ok? What happened?” she asked.
“It’s ok, I’m fine” I grunted while standing up, “just getting kicked in the nuts by a friend. Dick!” I yelled the last part at Kim, who yet again flipped me off and went back to sleep.
“Why do you hurt each other? Aren’t you friends?” Luna asked, looking confused. “We are friends, and have been for years. We just have a friendship where we can be total assholes to each other and get along fine.” I say, confusing Luna more in the process.
“Well that’s a very…..interesting friendship that you have, though I was sent to get you. My sister would like to speak to you and your friend in person. Id suggest we go now, my sister is very impatient.” Luna informs me. I was tempted to keep her waiting but then remembered that Celestia already didn’t like me for being close to Luna, she was the ruler of the country, and was basically a god with the power of the sun. so ya, probably a bad idea to keep her waiting, “Duh ya dick, I live here to, and I don’t want to be on Celestias shit list cause then no fucks are given.”. “Ok then, let’s get going. Don’t want to make a bad second impression on your sister now do I?” I say while posing dramatically with my arms raised. There was a bright flash and we were in what looked like the throne room. Kim just gave a startled yelp as she fell to the floor; she quickly got up and sighed “yep, it’s a Monday” she groaned.
“That it is, so do you know why I summoned you here?” I look up and see Celestia sitting on a throne glaring daggers into me. “I……honestly have no idea. Maybe cake and cookies?” I asked, trying to maybe get a laugh out of her. “You really just did that didn’t you? *Sigh* were fucked.” Jon stated in a surrendering tone.
“No, I have summoned you here to…” she went silent for a moment, “ test your power.” She finished.
“Y-you want to do w-what exactly?” I asked, scared for my life.
“I challenge you to a sparring match, do you accept?” Celestia asked. I was stunned to say the least. “I accept, though I expect to get my ass handed to me.” Celestia stood up and said, “Let’s begin” and flew at me with amazing speed. I quickly sung a song in my head to flare my magic, as soon as it was up I reared my right fist back, focusing all of my power into it, and at the last second let it fly strait at Celestia. When my fist made contact there was a bright flash and an ear shattering BOOM , sending both of us flying to opposite ends of the large room. My back hit the wall hard, knocking the wind out of my lungs. I look up to see Celestia flying at me again, she had a bruise and a bloody nose but that was it. I reached down to grab my sword but pulled out a fucking sledgehammer, a big one at that. When I looked up all I saw was a hoof and then a searing pain erupted throughout my head, and I was sent flying a few feet until I skidded to a halt on my back. I quickly got up and saw, again, Celestia flying strait at me, Predictable, I thought to myself. As soon as she was in range I swung the sledgehammer like a golf club and hit her square in the chest, all the while screaming “FORE!” Celestia went flying strait up into the air but I didn’t let up on my assault. I leaped into the air above Celestia, sledgehammer raised over my head, and swung down sending strait to the ground with enough force to make a small crater. When I looked into the dust, trying to find Celestia, I saw a pure gold beam erupt from the dust, “ow fu-“ is all I got out before it hit me square in the chest, sending me flying into the wall. I tried but couldn’t get up until I heard Jon’s voice, “Let me take control, I have a great idea.” It was the last thing I heard before blacking out.
