Chapters

Scene 2 - The Man Experiment
Scene 3 - A Witch Among Us
Bonus Scene - Discord Gets a Surprise
Scene 4 - Draconequis
Scene 5 - Blueblood Hunts the Wumpus
Bonus Scene - Blargle Blargle
Scene 6 - Blown Away in the Land of Thorns
Bonus Scene - The Griffon Meat Spectacular
Scene 7 - Walking a Tightrope, Part 1
Scene 7 - Walking a Tightrope, Part 2
Interrim - Tightrope's Daily Life
Scene 1 - An Underground Surprise

Scene 2 - The Man Experiment
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Surprise Days

Scene 2 - The Man Experiment

~ Surprise Days ~

By NoGiantRobots1983

( nogiantrobots1983@gmail.com )

Scene 2

The Man Experiment

~ Let's Begin! ~

Act 1

"And so I said 'Marry him? The thought makes me sick!'" Surprise shuddered, and the little girls around her laughed, as did some of the older ponies. They didn't think it was that funny, but laughter has a way of being contagious. Sitting at the edge of the audience, Twilight Sparkle smiled.

It had been a long time since the Diamond Dog adventure, but the children still loved hearing the story, and especially liked hearing it from the new face in town. Surprise, it seems, got along well with kids. It helped that the dusty white pegasus had an unusual pet. Twilight turned her glance towards that pet. An unusual, apelike creature called a "human being." Actually, he didn't really meet Twilight's idea of an ape at all. Far from being a hulking brute, Raydence (that was the human's name) was skinny and lanky, which had a way of making him look taller than he really was. Even so, he was taller than most ponies. Big Macintosh, standing on his hind legs, only came up to Raydence's chest. Raydence seemed to have no hair on his bare skin, save for the dark mane atop his head, a part of which came down front and rendered his eyes invisible. Twilight was able to deduce that this was why the creature wore clothes near-constantly: being furless undoubtly makes one more sensitive to chill.

Moreso than Surprise, Raydence was a continuing source of wonder and curiosity to the residents of Ponyville. Even now a group of ponies couldn't help surrounding him and pestering him with questions. For once, Fluttershy was part of the gathering, and she couldn't help declaring (again and again) how cutesy-wootsey he was. Twilight didn't really see anything "cute" about the human, but she did listen when Raydence answered questions. Many of the answers confirmed what she already guessed, but he sometimes made odd references to things she couldn't fathom.

Here was one such exchange:

"So is 'Raydence' a... typical name for humans?" a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie mark asked.

"Nah," Raydence had a really casual style about his speech, never really getting emotional about anything. In fact, the most emotional Twilight had seen him was when he almost walked out on Surprise during the Diamond Dog adventure, and even that had been carried with an air of this being an everyday occurence for him. About his name, Raydence explained: "It's sort of a compromise. Surprise wanted to call me Cadence. But I wanted to be called Ray Force, like my favorite video game. So we decided on Raydence." Twilight wondered what a "video game" was, but she never got a chance to ask.

Out of nowhere Pinkie Pie jumped in Raydence's arms, pushed her nose up against his, and asked in her rapid-fire voice "Know any tricks? Do ya huh huh huh?"

Raydence slowly let out "Well... I can cook casserole in thirty-six languages!"

But before he could demonstrate his linguistic culinary skills, Rainbow Dash hovered beside him and said "Pinkie, please! You almost look like you're the pet!"

Surprise took notice at this point and, asking the children to excuse her, walked to Raydence's side said "Yes, she does. Lady, please don't let Raydence hold you like that."

"Awww," Pinkie reluctantly jumped back to the ground, "Why not?"

"Because there was a time in history when humans used to keep ponies as pets. I think I've managed to train the genetic memory out of my human, but even so I don't want him getting any funny ideas. Casserole in thirty-six languages indeed!"

Twilight's ears perked up. This was all new information for her, and very interesting information at that. It was weird to think of her own species being kept as pets, and Twilight made a mental note to ask Surprise about it the minute she saw an opening. But that wasn't to be just yet: Surprise immediately went back to talking to the children and dazzling them with tales of mischief, and Raydence was talked into doing tricks.

Rainbow Dash fluttered down to Twilight's side, and yawned. In a low voice she opined "Don't those ponies ever get tired of the same thing? It's been like this every day now. Surprise goes out with her human and suddenly everypony wants a moment! We've done things twice as exciting and we don't get mobbed like that!"

"Rainbow!" Twilight smirked, "Are you jealous?"

"Me? Jealous? No way! Look, I gotta head home, see--"

Suddenly Dash hiccuped, and the scent of Cider reached Twilight's nostils. She sniffed a few times then said "That doesn't smell like Apple Family Cider. Rainbow...?"

Looking sheepish, Rainbow Dash admitted, "Yeah, I had a craving, so I imported some cheap cider from Manehattan. It was okay, but--" she hiccuped again.

"You're drunk," Twilight stated obtusely.

"Yeah... they've got a little more alcohol in 'em than I'm used to."

"You sure you'll be able to fly straight?"

"Hey, I can handle being under the influence. No problem!" this was said just as Dashie accidentally put her foot in a bucket and had a tumble. Twilight could only roll her eyes and help the friendly neighborhood pegasus to her feet.

"You can crash at my place for tonight. We'll call it a sleepover!"

Dash wiped some dirt out of her mane. "Guess I better, huh." The answer was so obvious that Twilight didn't feel like responding: Dash was so tipsy that she needed help just walking to the library. Once they were inside, Dash curled up on the first rug she saw and went to sleep. Twilight couldn't help but giggle, and used her unicorn magic to put Dashie in a spare bed and cover her with a blanket.

Everyone's favorite purple unicorn then decided she better see where Spike was. No sooner was she about ready to head out the door than the dragon came in the door, dancing a jig and singing a song:

I know the place where I'm going

and the place where I'm going

is just around the bend.

And you know, there's a lot that I can show you

and if you want to go there I can get you in!

Happy is the secret word!

And if you're happy it can get you through!

Cuz I love you!

You know its true!

And I can make you happy if you love me too!

"Spike!" Twilight giggled, "Where did you learn that?"

"Like it? Its a human world song! Raydence was singing it just now!"

"I'm sorry I missed it. Sounds like it was quite a performance."

"Gosh... if me and Rarity ever get married, I hope someone sings that at our wedding."

Twilight giggled. She thought lover-boy there was jumping ahead of himself, but hey, a kid can dream.

"Oh, hey," Spike suddenly handed her a book, "This came in the mail for you."

Twilight quickly glanced it over: "All right! This is the most recent volume of the Alchemist's Cookbook! Volume 56 in fact! I've been waiting all month for this!" Ever ready to read a new book, Twilight flung it on her reading carpet and opened it straight up to the table of contents.

Spike had to ask "Since when were you an alchemist?"

"Well it's a kind of magic. And since I study magic, it only makes sense that I study alchemy too! Besides, the last issue had a really useful weed-killer that I was able to mix up for Fluttershy, so you just never know when this stuff will come in handy!"

Spike scratched his chin, "Yeah, I guess you're right." then he yawned and said "I better get to bed. See ya in the morning."

"'Night."

And so Twilight lay there thoroughly reading her new and enchanting volume. So enchanting, in fact, that she wound up going to sleep with her head plonked between its pages. And thus the night passed.

In the morning Twilight awoke to find someone had placed a plate full of grass next to her. She heard Spike still singing and I can make you happy if you love me too! In the next room, while Rainbow Dash was looking through the bookshelves. It was weird to think there was a time when Dash actually didn't like to read, but a book called Daring Do had fixed that!

And that was exactly what Dash was looking for. "Hey, wasn't the new Daring Do due out this month?" she asked when she noticed Twilight was awake.

"Oh yeah! It's in a box full of new books I haven't sorted yet. I'll get right on that!" Twilight hastily rushed into another room, cursing herself for being so sloppy. Sure, the new shipment had only arrived the day of the Diamond Dog adventure and things just kept coming up, but that was no excuse! "Twilight, you're getting sloppy!" was all Twi could say to herself.

There was the box, a stack of books within. Twilight's plan had been to just look for the Daring Do novel, but she found it impossible to search without also organizing the books, or at least alphabetizing them, so she lined them up against the wall in alphabetical order by author. To be fair, this made finding the book she saught much easier, and she ran back to Dashie with the book in ha--err, in ho--err, in magical floaty thing.

When she got back, Dash was skipping through the Alchemist's Cookbook which Twi had left open.

"Hey Twi," Dash called her attention, "This book has a mistake."

"It does? Where?"

"Okay, look at this potion, 'Headache Cures'."

"I see it."

"But on the very next page, there's one called 'Romantic Magnetism'. Notice anything?"

Twilight did look, and was astonished and delighted to notice it: "They're the exact same recipe! Dash, you've found a misprint! Here, you better write a letter to the publisher informing them of your discovery! Hurry!"

"Why so excited?" Dash asked.

"The Alchemist Cookbook Publishing House has very high standards when it comes to their books. They're so high, in fact, that they actually offer a two-hundred-bit reward to anyone who finds a misprint, plus a free corrected copy of the volume in question! Hurry, before somepony else claims it!"

"But... I can't write."

"SPIKE!"

Spike came running in a hurry, thinking it was something big. Twi gave him the ink and paper and said "Take a letter please! Dear Alchemist Cookbook Publishing Company. I, Rainbow Dash, have discovered--"

"You're not Rainbow Dash!"

"Just write what I say!"

"Okay..."

Then suddenly the front door burst open and Surprise cried out "Hallo in there! This the library?"

"Um, yes it is!" Twilight turned towards the guest, whom she noticed had brought her pet human, who seemed to be rubbing his head nonstop. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Raydence here needs some good readin'. He's got a headache ya see."

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, "Actually, I don't see."

Surprise smirked. "It's very simple. When I have a headache, I read, and my headache goes away. It's the same for him. We've been on the road so much that his brain hasn't gotten enough exercise, so he needs some good books."

"Well, you'll find plenty of those here," Rainbow Dash looked at the Daring Do shelf, "In fact I'd recommend that shelf over there."

Twilight Sparkle was on another train of thought: "You say Raydence has a headache?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, stay here until I get back, I may have just the thing!" and Twilight took the Alchemist's Cookbook Volume 56 with her to the kitchen. She opened the book on the table, quickly scanned the list of ingredients. To Twilight's great joy, they were all things she had around the house. So she gathered them all up.

All the sudden Rainbow Dash slammed a forehoof into the table and said "Just what do you think you're doing?!"

"Mixing up a headache remedy, what do you think I'm doing?"

"But isn't that the book that had that epic misprint? What if you end up giving him a... 'Romantic Magnetism' by mistake? What is 'Romantic Magnetism' anyway?"

Twilight Sparkle realized that was a very good question, and flipped to the Romantic Magnetism potion entry. Reading through, she said "The description's own words say: 'The pony who drinks this will find himself (or herself) romantically admired by all adult virgins of the opposite gender for twenty-four hours, effective on sight.' I don't think we need to worry."

"Yeah? I don't know..."

"Look, the ingredients are so common that its more likely they double-printed the headache potion. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? A few fillies get all starry-eyed? He's already a sensation around town, I doubt anypony will know the difference!"

Rainbow Dash could only sigh and say "I hope you're right."

When Dash and Twi returned with the drink, they found Raydence reading a book and Surprise still perusing the selection. Twi floated the drink to the human and said "Here, drink this."

It was hard to tell due to the whole hair-over-eyes thing, but when Raydence grabbed the drink he seemed to look it over for a bit. Then he sniffed it and mumbled "smells like grape juice." Twilight wondered for a moment if maybe he just wasn't going to drink it. Then, finally he took the whole swig in one swift gulp.

As the liquid poured down his throat, Twilight found herself looking him over from his head to his chest and those long, lanky arms, and admiring what a well-built and athletic creature he must be. Surely he was strong, and those finely-toned muscles could see him through tons of life's daily challenges! The way his hair covered his eyes gave him that edge of mystery that Twilight realized she always found fascinating in a person. See how he said "Ahh!" with such hearty, healthy lungs! Such energy in his every movement! Such--

"You really get excited when you feed someone, don't you?"

Surprise had suddenly stepped in front of Twilight, and was looking at the unicorn with one raised eyebrow. Twilight felt like she should be embarrassed, though she didn't quite know why. Instead Twilight cocked her own eyebrow and said "Was I doing something... strange?"

"Yeah. You and her both."

Twilight glanced. Rainbow Dash was sitting up, her tail was swishing left and right across the floor like a puppy dog's. The blue pegasus' eyes were gazing at the human, fixated upon him with big black pupils that sparkled with light.

Twilight Sparkle immediately realized what was going on: "Oh my gosh. Rainbow Dash, you were right! That was a potion of Romantic Magnetism!"

Surprise seemed to find no end of amusement. Chuckling once more, she said "You mean you're in love with him?" Surprise glanced at her pet, and then back at Twilight. "Him?" Almost as a test, Surprise moved out of Twilight's way and allowed an unblocked view of her pet. Twilight's eyes involuntarily fixed on the man, and she found her heart beating fast...

Until now, Raydence had simply sat there reading, taking no action that indicated he was even following this exchange. And yet all the sudden he put his book down, stood up and said "We better go. Got a busy schedule and all--"

Raydence took two steps toward the door before Rainbow Dash flew into his path, and gently nudged him back with her two front hooves, begging him "Please don't!" Then she pulled back, blinking her eyes several times and said "Ummm, I mean... not like I care or anything..."

Surprise chuckled again. "Well, look at that. I was just saying it's about time Raydence found himself a girl!"

Twilight forced her eyes away from Raydence and said "You're not taking this seriously at all, are you?"

"Nope, not at all!" Surprise chuckled one last time, then said seriously "Anyway, it really is time we were on our way. Come along, Raydence!"

Raydence moved to leave again, but Dash pushed him back and insisted: "Before you go, there's just one thing... Now, I normally don't ask guys to do this... kiss me!" Raydence made a face, and then Dash turned her head sideways and said "I mean, on the cheek!"

Raydence and Surprise exchanged glances, and Twilight Sparkle could see that whatever fun they saw in this was starting to wither. For some reason, the purple unicorn found herself hoping that Surprise would veto this, and was actually disappointed when the white pegasus said "Should be harmless enough..."

So Raydence shrugged, and made to kiss Dash. But just before his lips connected with her cheek, she turned her head, and their mouths met.

Twilight Sparkle was barely aware of it, but she was driving her front-left hoof so far into the floor that the boards were actually starting to crack. Her teeth were clenched something fierce. Anypony who saw her would have thought she was about to kill somepony.

Raydence backed away, coughed and spat and wiped his lips one, two, three times. Rainbow Dash fluttered into a corner, shocked and embarrassed at what she had done, and yelling out "I'm sorry! I don't know why I did that, it just... happened! Please don't be angry! Please... don't..." by this point, her voice had become a little squeak, and Dash had curled up into a ball in a corner, her face buried in the dark where the world could not see it.

Surprise tugged at Raydence's pants and said "Come on, pet. Time to go." Raydence was only all too eager to get out that door. Twilight Sparkle watched him go, and when the door shut, she ran over to where Rainbow Dash was, intent on stomping her hooves and calling Dash all sorts of mean, petty names. But just as she stomped the ground twice, Twilight's senses suddenly regained control. She stepped back, shook her head. "No," the purple unicorn cried. "This is wrong. This is all wrong! Oh, Rainbow Dash, if only I'd listened to you!"

Suddenly the library door burst open again and Surprise was back inside, and clearly not having any fun anymore:

"Girls," she said, "We have a problem!"

Dash and Twilight both perked up right on the spot, and followed the old pegasus out into the street, and the scene that greeted them was like something out of a boy's nightmares:

Pastel-colored mares lined the streets of Ponyville, all stopped in their tracks, many of them even in mid-stride. And they were all looking at Raydence.

Act 2

Spike hadn't participated in the events so far. When Surprise arrived, he had waited patiently for Twilight to deal with her and then resume dictation. When he saw that wasn't going to happen, he put the quill and parchment down and went off to another room to finish up some leftover chores. He had come back just in time to see Twilight and Dash acting like puppy dogs, and had simply stood in the doorway as events transpired in front of him. He didn't know what to make of it all, so he simply tried not to make anything of it. This was all too weird, and he didn't want a part of it.

But when Surprise had rushed back in and said "We've got a problem!" Spike realized they might need him, and found the courage to follow the ponies outside. From on Twilight's back, he looked at the gathering and said "Holy Guacamole! It looks like every eligible bachelorette in Ponyville has turned up!"

"That can't be!" Twilight shot back. "Surely most of these ponies already have boyfriends!"

From the crowd, a dull-white pony with blue-and-red mane said to Twilight "How ya figure? There's only like, five men in this entire town!"

Another pony, this one hot-pink with lime-green hair who wore a flower, called out "If I did have a boyfriend, I'd want it to be him!"

"No way!" cried a white redhead, "He's mine!"

"No way no way!" Rainbow Dash challenged the entire lot. "I saw him first!"

And then Surprise stomped with her front hooves. "Technically, I saw him first! I've known him longer than anypony here! And trust me girls, you don't want him! He eats meat! He snores! He has fleas!"

"He sounds so manly!" cried out one of the crowd.

Surprise let out a low growl.

Twilight Sparkle waved her hoof in the air and spoke up: "Girls, this is all my fault. I accidentally gave Raydence a love potion. I thought it was a headache remedy. But that's okay! It's going to wear off in twenty-four hours! By this time tomorrow, everything will be back to normal and nothing will have come of it!"

A sharp silence overtook the crowd. The gathered mares exchanged troubled glances with each other, low murmurings could be heard. Then, a blue pony with toothpaste hair and a harp cutie mark said "I don't want nothing to come of it! I want to get to know him! I want to know everything about him!"

"That's right!" shouted another mare. "This love... it's such a wonderful feeling! I want to carry it out! I want to go as far as it will take me! I want to..." the speaker came forward. It was the orange-maned pony with the carrot symbol, and she rubbed against Raydence's leg almost like a cat, but at the end made sure to bump him with her rump in a move that was unmistakably suggestive.

Surprise objected, "But he's not even your species!"

"So what?" said the carrot-cutie-mark pony, "Doesn't stop that dragon from trying to be with Rarity!"

Spike crossed his arms and humphed, asking Twilight "Did you tell everypony about my crush?"

Then the pony with the blue-and-red mane addressed her fellow gatherers: "There's no more time for arguing! We've only got twenty-four hours, so let's make the most of it! We'll share the human!"

"Yeah!" the entire crowd cried out. "Share the human!" they cried out some more. "Share the human! Share the human!" they repeated this again and again, to the point where it almost became a chant. Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash didn't always understand Surprise, but when they glanced her way, they could understand the look of fear on her face. For once, the dusty white pegasus made perfect sense.

And Raydence? He was scratching his chin, and Twi imagined that if she could see his eyes they would have a strong look of worry in them. Twilight felt she needed to ask, though the answer seemed obvious: "Raydence, do you want this?"

Almost as one, both Raydence and Surprise answered "Of course not!"

Twilight Sparkle sighed inwardly, and then mustered all the authority she could pose and said "Then get back inside, now!" Surprise and Raydence didn't need to be told twice. Twilight Sparkle said "Rainbow Dash, you try to hold them off! I'll find an escape route!"

Was there a hint of suspicion in Dash's glance? Even so, Dash said "All right!" and challenged the crowd as Twilight, with her number one assistant still clutching her mane, ran back inside. They closed and barred the door even as they heard the chant of "Share the human!" grow louder and louder. It wasn't long until there was a loud bang and the door quivered from impact. Twilight Sparkle couldn't suppress a shiver, and she could see Spike was scared. In fact, Twilight was surprised that Surprise didn't seem that worried, and Raydence was taking the whole affair with his usual calm. Even so, both were doing the practical thing and securing the other entrances.

Rainbow Dash flew in through the balcony window, found Twilight and said "It's no use. There's no way out!"

Twilight glanced despairingly at Raydence, horrified at the thought of what those lovesick mares might force him to do. All the sudden, her heart fluttered, and she felt an energy welling up within her. That was right: Raydence was her man, and she would save him, no matter what! Love didn't have to be the enemy!

"Wrong, there is a way out! Everyone, gather around me! We're going places!"

Raydence and Surprise made looks like they weren't quite sure about this, but when they heard Rainbow Dash say "Aww yeah!" and saw Spike become hopeful, they knew it was no trick and quickly huddled around the purple unicorn. An aura surrounded the lot of them, and there was a bright flash...

The door banged one last time. The shelf that had been placed in front of it toppled over, and soon the actual door followed. Mares poured into the library like water, but to their astonishment, the library was completely empty.

Here's how teleportation works: the teleporters experience what seems like an instantaneous delirium. For a brief moment, they feel as if they've lost their senses. Then, when the moment ends, they're suddenly not where they were before. This sensation, coupled with the displacement, is disorienting to those who have never teleported before. So, Twilight Sparkle was not at all surprised that Rainbow Dash wobbled around for a moment, and when she recovered, she had to help Raydence, who looked like he was going to be sick. In fact, the only thing that seemed odd to Twilight was that Surprise had no visible reaction at all.

"So where are we?" the dusty white pegasus with the green mane asked.

Spike looked up, and said "Hey! We're at Carousel Boutique! Awesome!"

"Not awesome," Twilight replied doubtfully as she dug nervously at the ground. "I'm afraid of what might happen if Rarity sees Raydence."

"What do you mean by that?"

It startled everyone that Rarity was in fact not in the store, but was actually just coming back from taking Opal out on a walk. She had arrived just in time to see the lot appear, and had been staring at them with an intense wondering ever since. It had to be said that even during casual outings, Rarity took pride in looking her best: she wore an orange bonnet and blue sunglasses, and her pet was on a diamond-studded leash.

Instinctively, Rainbow Dash dashed in front of Rarity and spread her hooves so as to block Rarity's view of the human, all while calling out "No, don't look!"

"I've seen the human before, darling. I'll admit he's not much of a sight, but that's hardly a reason to be ashamed of him!"

The blue pegasus blinked. A moment of noncomprehension passed, and then Dash lowered her hooves while asking "You mean you're not madly in love with him?"

"Of course not, dear," Rarity said in a complete deadpan, "That would be silly."

The white unicorn stood in further wonder when the rest of them sighed in relief.

The kitchen was neat and tidy, exactly as you would expect of Rarity, and her tea-table was laid out to picture-perfect-perfection. Rarity held a cup to her lips, took a dainty sip and went "Hmm-hmm!" Rarity looked directly at Twilight and said "So that's how it is!"

"Exactly," Twilight concurred, "The only thing I can think to do is have Raydence hide out somewhere until this whole thing blows over."

Rarity gave it a thought, and said "I wish I could help, but I run a business here. I get customers every day. But if you want my advice--" but before she could give it, the doorbell rang. The table was placed at an off-angle from the archway that led into the kitchen, so from their vantage point all the ponies could see was a wall. Nevertheless, they were filled with dread when they heard Rarity's first customer of the day shout out and reveal her identity, and what would of on any other day been a cheerful sound was now the most terrifying sound in the world:

"Heeeeeeeeeere's Pinkie!"

Rainbow Dash put her hoof to her forehead. "Oh please Celestia, not her. Anypony but her!"

Rarity glanced at Dash, her face showing that she understood her concern all too well, and immediately rushed into the next room. The others were too afraid to look, and had to guess from what they heard through the doorway: Pinkie asking "Oooh, what's this?" and Rarity describing some new shipment in fancy French terms even though they don't have France in Equestria. It then sounded like Pinkie got into something else before Rarity asked "Do you want to see your new dress?" and Pinkie made a giddy "Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!" And then Rarity audibly sighed and then told Pinkie to "Come this way."

Those around the table let out silent sighs. Crisis averted.

And then suddenly Pinkie called out "Do you mind if I have a snack first?" and without waiting for permission, cheerfully bounced into the kitchen. As she bounced, she cast a sidelong glance and said "Oh, hi Twilight, Hi Rainbow Dash, Hi.."

And Pinkie's eyes fell on Raydence, and it was clear to every living thing in the room, the tall and the small, that the enchantment was working its work upon the poor, innocent heart of the filly.

The effect was more than any creature could have predicted: For a moment, all Pinkie did was stare. Then she put a hoof forward as if to step closer, but almost immediately withdrew it. The ears of all the ponies picked up the fact that Pinkie's breathing had become very heavy, almost as if she was about to have a heart attack. Finally the pink one stepped forward, climbing atop the table to look Raydence face-to-face. And now all could see that Pinkie was sweating.

Pinkie looked at Twilight and said "What's happening to me?"

"Pinkie..."

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"Here." and with her unicorn magic, Twilight floated a bucket over to Pinkie's mouth. She stuck her face far in, so none saw the expulsion, but all heard it. Twilight waited many seconds before asking "All better?"

"Yeah."

Pinkie jumped down off the table, and Twilight put the bucket away and floated a towelette over to Pinkie's mouth to wipe it. Surprise came around to Pinkie's side and helped the young one steady herself, for she was walking awkwardly.

"Pinkie," Twilight explained slowly, "I'm afraid you've become... another victim of the Romantic Magnetism."

"The what?" Pinkie sounded half out-of-it.

"The... I accidentally fed Raydence a sort of love potion. All the girls have been falling in love with him. Me and Dash too."

"This... this is love?"

"Afraid so."

Pinkie stumbled away a few steps, and then said "No... that can't be right. Love is good. This... feels like a disease."

Surprise put a forehoof on Pinkie's side as the pink one was about to fall again, and the older pony said to the younger one "There now, I know what you mean. This is what happened the first time I fell in love too."

"... If I'm in love," Pinkie stood with her legs spread out for ultimate balance. She slowly turned towards Raydence again, and upon seeing him her legs became all wobbly and she collapsed on her stomach. So she held her front hooves out to Raydence and said "Hold me."

Raydence came to pick her up, but at his barest touch Pinkie jumped five feet into the air with a squeak of terror and bolted into the next room. They heard Pinkie tell Rarity "I'm sorry I can't buy anything today I've... I've gotta go!" and then the doorbell rang, and somehow they all knew that Carousel Boutique had one less visitor.

Raydence scratched his head and slowly turned his glance on Surprise, and said "So you were skittish when you were in love?"

Surprise sighed, and muttered "Poor kid."

Spike had been watching from the table this whole time, and now came to Twilight's side and said "I don't get it." He looked up at Twilight, expecting an explanation from her.

But Twilight said "I don't get it either."

Rarity came back in the room, and Surprise looked to her and said "How long have you known that pink pony?"

"Ever since she moved to Ponyville. Why?"

"Has she ever had a crush?"

"No."

"Ever played make-believe?"

"Only insofar as getting toys together and making them go smoochy-smooch. Why?"

Surprise glanced at Spike and Twilight, "There's your answer. Real love hitting all at once at a little kid who has no true concept of what to expect. And I bet nobody warned her about the fever, either."

"Fever?" Spike asked while scratching his head.

Rarity glanced at him, and then asked Twilight "I wonder if I might borrow Spike for awhile? I have a lot of extra work to be done and not enough hooves to do it, so I'd appreciate the help."

Twilight nodded to Spike, who saluted and presented himself as Rarity's humble servant.

"Good, now go be a dear and arrange those dresses by color."

"I'm on it, milady!" And Spike was on it, as he told his lady. Rarity and Twilight watched him run out of the room, and then Twilight said "thank you, Rarity."

"A pleasure. But tell me, how are you feeling?"

Twilight didn't quite know how to answer. She wanted to say she felt fine, but she knew she was blushing. And then she couldn't deny that she, too, felt a little bit feverish. She made a glance at Rainbow Dash, whom she saw affectionately cuddling Raydence from behind. Such affection was unusual for Dashie, and for some reason it filled Twilight both with curiosity and jealousy.

Then the doorbell came, and Rarity said "My other customers are here. You better go! Hurry!"

"All right. Thank you again, Rarity!" Twilight said and hurriedly gathered Surprise, Dash and Raydence into a group. Then her horn glowed, a magic surrounded them, and they popped and disappeared.

Act 3

This time, the teleport landed the foursome on a path at the outskirts of Ponyville. In the distance, Twilight and Surprise could see the gathered homes and stores that defined their little neighborhood. The path led into the woods. Like last time, Rainbow Dash was all wobbly, and Raydence looked like the teleport had made him sick. Dash recovered before Raydence did, and once more helped the human out.

Twilight looked at the path, and said "Hey, I think this is the path that leads to Fluttershy's place!"

"Fluttershy?" Surprise asked.

"She's the yellow pony with--"

"Butterfly cutie marks?"

"Uh-huh."

Surprise glanced down the path, and seemed about to say something when Dash flew between then and spoke to Twilight: "Hold on, bad idea! Look, okay so Rarity obviously had a boyfriend or something, but what are the chances that Fluttershy did too?"

"Well..."

"And on top of that, she keeps so many pets! You want our man to be swarmed with lovesick bunnies and chickens too?"

Surprise touched Rainbow Dash's shoulder, told her "That's not gonna happen. Look."

Surprise pointed, and Dash looked. All around were squirrels, birds, forest creatures of all sorts, little insects. All of them were going about their daily business, paying no mind to the ponies or, more importantly, to the human. They took no notice.

Dash scratched her mane, "Okay, so the animals won't be a problem. But what about Fluttershy?"

Surprise and Twilight both opened their mouths to say something, but sound had barely escaped their lips before they heard a distant chant. In Ponyville, they saw a gathered horde of virgin mares. Dash flew up and looked out at them. What she saw was a terrifying sight: The mares were going through the town, opening barrels, looking through trash cans, going through every nook and cranny. And Dash could hear that horrible chant: "Share the human! Share the human!"

She flew back down and said "They're tearing Ponyville apart looking for him! I changed my mind, we better go see Fluttershy. At least her we can handle!"

The three ponies nodded, and all took off down the path at top gallop, until Raydence called "Wait!" Then the three stopped to wait for the human to tiredly hobble forward. He complained "I'm not as fast as you!"

Surprise sighed, "He's right. Ponies are built to run. Humans aren't."

"But he's too big to ride on one of us!" Twilight complained, feeling a little bit of despair creep into her heart.

Rainbow Dash looked at the ground for a moment, and mumbled to herself "I can't believe I'm doing this." Then she turned around and said "Raydence, grab my tail."

Surprise gave Dash as suspicious look. Dash looked back at Raydence and saw he seemed wary as well. "I don't mean anything by it! I've just got an idea, that's all!"

Twilight Sparkle vouched: "It's okay. I think I know what she's planning."

Surprise still looked doubtful, but she told Raydence "Well, can't hurt to try."

Raydence nodded and grabbed Dash's tail, even though he said "Okay, but it still feels wroOOOOOO--"

Rainbow Dash took to the air at lightning speed, the rainbow streak she left in the sky not even a bit disrupted by having a human hanging on. Twilight Sparkle smiled, since this was exactly what she thought Dash was going to do, and then asked Surprise "Well, aren't you gonna fly after her?"

"I can't fly," the dusty pegasus answered, and she demonstrated: Surprise's wings could shift ever-so-slightly but the pegasus seemed incapable of fully opening them. "I don't know what caused it, just one day they didn't work anymore." Surprise glanced at the trail, and then took off down it at full gallop. Twilight followed soon after, making a mental note to look into Surprise's wings later.

It didn't take them long at all to reach Fluttershy's front door. Dash was there ahead of them, but she hadn't knocked yet. She explained when Twilight got there that "Ya know... if Fluttershy does try something, I don't know if I'd be able to put her down."

"Why?" Surprise asked, "Is she strong?"

"No, it's just..."

"Let me guess: You don't have the heart to do it?"

"Y-yeah..."

Surprise rolled her eyes, and knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately, but the opener was not immediately visible. Surprise looked past the door and said "Is this house haunted?"

"Hi Angel!" Twilight stuck her head beneath Surprise's and addressed the bunny who had opened the door. "Can you please tell Fluttershy she has visitors?"

Angel Bunny slowly shut the door. Moments later, it was opened again by Fluttershy. "Oh, good morning Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Surprise. Oh, and how is the cutesy-wootsie human being today?"

Twi, Surprise and Dash all three cocked an eyebrow. Raydence stood with a blank look on his face while Fluttershy scruffled his mane. Nopony was quite sure what this meant. Rainbow Dash was the first to put it into a question: "Are you in love?"

"What? Me? Oh, no, of course not," the yellow pegasus answered as she drifted back to the ground, "I'd be so embarrassed if I was! I mean, I sort of admired that Mr. Colton, but I mean, I hope he doesn't think I'm strange or anything."

"I meant with him," Dash put her hoof on Raydence's leg.

Fluttershy gave Raydence a once-over. "Oh, yes of course! He's so cute! One day I want to have a human too! Where do humans come from, anyway?"

Twilight and Dash both sighed with relief. Twilight mumbled "Good, she's still Fluttershy."

"Of course! Should I be somepony else?"

That response made Twilight smile, just the sort of naivette one expects from the local animal-lover. The unicorn supposed the next question had to be "Can we come inside?"

Fluttershy's place had "country" written all over it. Though the setting was well-kept, the decorations were simple and sparse. A lone rug on the floor, a soft if small sofa off to one side. There was a bedroom upstairs, which contained the bare essentials for living properly. Raydence stat on the rug, and perhaps for this reason Twilight and Rainbow Dash also placed themselves on the rug (Twilight noticed Dash was edging extremely close to Raydence at every opportunity). Surprise and Fluttershy both took places on the sofa.

"Oh my!" Fluttershy said once she had the situation explained to her. "How horrifying!"

"I dunno," Surprise said, "It's kind of funny, in a way, but I don't want anything bad to happen to my pet, so we've been running around all day. And putting up with that."

What Surprise meant by that was Rainbow Dash cuddling Raydence's arm, rubbing her cheek along his sleeve lovingly. When she realized she was being watched, Dash became nervous and embarrassed. Then she looked at Fluttershy and an idea came to her: "Hey," she said, "The recipe said that all virgins are supposed to fall in love with him!"

"Well," Fluttershy began nervously.

"So why didn't it work on you?" Dash challenged, and she was genuinely curious even though the question was a mere decoy. Twilight, too, couldn't help glancing at Fluttershy questioningly.

Fluttershy shifted in place, "Well... I mean, if you really want to know..."

"No offense," Raydence interrupted, "But I don't. There are things I'd rather do than hear about the sex lives of animals."

It seemed almost as if Raydence's words had brought a pallor to the room. All went silent, all the ponies in the room felt different, conflicting levels of insulted. Yet the strongest rage radiated from Raydence's own owner. With anger written in her eyes, Surprise jumped off the sofa and confronted Raydence, forcing her face up against his, forcing him to crawl backwards until he hit a wall.

"Did you just say that ponies were animals?" Surprise ranted, "Oh Raydence, you disappoint me. I thought I had trained the Classical Human out of you, but I see there's still a ways left to go. And I'll start..."

Surprise stood, and raised both her forehooves. It was clear to all that she meant to strike.

Until a blue blur shoved into the white pegasus and sent her cartwheeling across the room and into a wall. Rainbow Dash protectively hugged Raydence as she watched Surprise get up, seemingly unharmed by her tumble. Surprise didn't look happy, but Rainbow Dash was through caring:

"You aren't laying a hoof on my man!" The blue pegasi challenged. "So what if he thinks we're animals?!"

"That's right!" Twilight Sparkle came and also put her hooves around Raydence. "Scientifically, he's right: Ponies are just another animal species! The only thing that makes us different is our advanced thinking and culture, and you yourself said humans used to have those too! Maybe we're not that different after all!"

"Twilight..." Rainbow Dash tapped the purple unicorn's shoulder. Twilight turned to see tears streaming down the rainbow one's face as her head lay across Raydence's shoulder. "I'm losing it. I... I keep feeling like I want to do something. With him. You know?" Twilight tried to show sympathy by touching the blue one's face, but that seemed to only make it worse: "I mean, I know its messed up, but..."

Everypony's attention was drawn by Surprise's chuckle. The dusty white pegasus seemed to be in a fit, first standing, then falling to her belly, then rolling on her back, all while making the most hysterical laughter the world had ever heard! Just as they were all beginning to think she had lost it, Surprise suddenly shifted to a sitting position and said "You naive fools! Humans are completely different! Look at him! Do you see hooves? Fur? Floppy ears?" Surprise chuckled, "One of these days you'll have to learn all about human history, human culture, human philosophy. Then you'll see that humans are only slightly better than animals! It's wrong to elevate them! They tried to start a war to prove their dominance, and we beat them!"

"That's a lie!" Rainbow Dash shouted out involuntarily. Then, all the sudden, she felt a human hand stroke her mane. Petting her. Like a kitten. She knew she shouldn't like it, but she did. She liked it a lot.

Raydence spoke softly, "Actually, Surprise is right. Before Ponies found us, humans were nothing. We didn't even know magic was real. It was ponies who showed us what our lives were missing. She didn't force me to be her pet: I volunteered. She's right about something else too: Ponies aren't animals. We humans are the animals. I only said what I did to see how far the love potion has affected your judgment. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you two to go."

Rainbow Dash and Twilight listened quietly and hung onto his every word, as sad as they sounded. Rainbow Dash nuzzled into Raydence's chest, and Twilight Sparkle let tears fall on his shoulder. And then, slowly she turned her head towards Surprise.

"You. Are. A. Horrible pony! It's clear to me now: you brainwashed him, and made him your slave! Well I'm gonna fix him, and make him all right again! And then I'll be his pet! No, even better, I'll be his bride! And you won't lay a hoof on him ever again!"

Fluttershy hid behind the couch. "Oh, please don't fight. Please don't."

Surprise stood on all fours now, snorted and kicking her front-right hoof: the universal sign of a pony ready for a fight. The dusty white pegasus with broken wings laid out her challenge: "Nopony is going to take my pet away without a rassle!"

Then Twilight did something that put everypony on guard: She smiled a wicked, evil smile. And then she cackled, like a villain whose evil plan was about to come into fruition. Even Surprise paused in uncertainty.

Fluttershy asked, "She's lost it, hasn't she?"

Surprise answered, "Looks like it. I didn't want to hurt you, Twilight Sparkle, but if you don't reign in your hormones and come to your senses, I'm going to have to put you down for the night!"

Twilight's horn radiated with a magical aura, which soon expanded to surround herself, Raydence and Rainbow Dash. Sneeringly Twilight shot back "You won't get the chance! Sayonara!"

In a flash, they were gone. All Surprise could do was pound the floor in frustration.

Act 4

When they reappeared, Rainbow Dash and Raydence let themselves fall to the floor, which helped make the teleportation-induced disorientation pass much easier. When their senses cleared, they sat up and were shocked to find out where they were.

As Twilight Sparkle put it: "My library. The one place where nopony would think to look!"

Yes, it was the library. The place was a complete mess, as the mob earlier had overturned tables and knocked books off of shelves, not to mention the doors and windows were all broken. But Twilight felt confident she could fix that. All she needed was time. And time was, for once, on her side:

There was one small stand with a little drawer. Twi opened the drawer and pulled out a collection of notes, shifted through them and found the one she was seeking. "A-ha!" she said, and then said "Stand back!" Dash and Raydence sat and watched as Twi's horn glew, and a field radiated from it that expanded until it surrounded the entire library. "There!" the unicorn said, "I don't know why I didn't use that sooner, but that's okay. Now nothing can get in our way!"

Twilight Sparkle walked up to Raydence, her face in his face. It almost looked like she was going to kiss him, but then she cast a glance back and said "Oh, would you rather look at my cutie mark? Here ya go!" And she turned to offer a good view of it. Very nearly shoving it in his face. "Would you like to kiss it?"

"No," Raydence answered flatly. "Umm, what does this have to do with 'fixing' me?"

"Hmmmm..." Twilight didn't answer the question at first. Instead she lay for a moment, her head propped on her hooves and staring into nothingness, like a schoolgirl in thought. "Oh, I just had a thought. Maybe you are the dominant species. And if so, maybe you want me. You want me bad. You just don't know it, because that evil Surprise has filled your head with lies! But maybe, just maybe, if Dashie and I tempt you enough, you'll break free. You'll take advantage of us. You'll realize you are the dominant one. You'll be cured, and we'll become your brides!"

Twilight took that partial smile to mean Raydence liked the sound of that. She knew he would. So she turned to Rainbow Dash and said "Rainbow, I'm going to let you go first. I'm afraid I sort of... need a primer."

Dash asked bluntly: "You mean you're gonna watch?"

"Yes."

Dash looked back at Twilight with visible discomfort, but when her gaze was cast upon Raydence her doubts began to melt. So what if Twilight watched? Anyway, the only question was how. Rainbow realized she had so many basic questions. The first of which was just this:

She asked Raydence "Do you want to?"

"No."

That was it. No. Raydence added nothing else, and as far as Dash was concerned, no further answer was needed.

"Well, that's that," Dash answered back.

"What do you mean, 'that's that'?" Twilight Sparkle replied with audible irritation. "Find out how this works and do it!"

"He said 'no,' Twilight. No means no."

"He's just playing hard to get!" Twilight stomped the floor and let out a low growl.

"Twilight, I want him as much as you do. It's tearing me apart. But when you love somebody, you don't force them to do things they don't want to do."

"But its for his own good!"

Dash and Twilight eyed each other. The tension grew thick. It almost felt as if a bomb was about to go off, but nobody could guess when, or which of these two girls would be the one to flick the switch.

Dash shook her head. "This is all just that potion getting to our heads. We're not really in love, we don't really want to do this. Twilight, you're the egghead, you should be the one telling me this stuff!"

Twilight's demeanor seemed to darken when she heard those words, and Dash never thought she would see the day, but this day she was actually scared of her best friend.

Twilight stepped forward, and said "I never thought the brave Rainbow Dash would catch cold hooves! Fine, if you don't want him, I'll take him!"

"That's enough, Twilight!" was Rainbow Dash's final objection. But it was clear now that Twilight wasn't listening to reason. Dash knew she would have to attack. Unfortunately, she never got the chance: just as Dash was about to pounce, a pink bubble appeared around her, and try as she might, Dash simply could not pop it or break free.

Twilight rubbed Raydence's chin. "Looks like its just you and me now," she said in her best attempt at a sweet and seductive voice. She noticed that Raydence's smile had broadened. He must really be enjoying this! Maybe he didn't want Rainbow Dash, and had just wanted her out of the way to get to his true love? Yes, Twilight Sparkle decided, that had to be it! So she rubbed his thighs.

"Stop that," he said. But the unicorn didn't stop. She searched with her hoof, even though she thought she knew where his man-spot was. When she was certain, she said "Let's do this, Raydence. Take off your pants."

Raydence lowered his head, but not before Twilight Sparkle saw his smile broaden even further. His hesitation bothered her, and she lost her cool: "Raydence, do as I say and take off your darn pants!"

And then the most unexpected thing happened:

Raydence laughed.

He laughed from his heart to his head, from the darkness to the light, from the dust to the clean air. His laughter filled the room, and it left Twilight Sparkle nearly delirious. She hadn't seen this coming, and she did not know what it meant. That angered her. Now of all times, she could not deal with unknowns. She violently struck the floorboards and demanded:

"What. Is. So. Funny?!"

He did not answer. Instead he laughed some more. Raydence rolled on the ground, clutched his chest as if trying to hold himself in, but he kept laughing still. And all the while, Twilight got more and more irritated.

"Answer me!"

As suddenly as it had began, Raydence's laughter ended. Almost in the same instant, he sat up, faced Twilight and said "What's funny? What's funny?! A bunch of pastel-colored horses start getting sick-minded thoughts about me and a purple unicorn just told me to take off my pants! I mean, a purple unicorn! My great-grandfather once told a shrink he saw purple unicorns, they threw him in the nut-house! I'd like to do that! I'd like to go back two-hundred years, find the nearest psychiatrist and tell him 'Yeah, a purple unicorn got into a cat-fight with a blue pegasus, then told me to take off my pants'. See how far I'd get! It's so... surreal..."

And then the laughter began all over again. Raydence was so weakened by it that he couldn't even sit up, so he had to grab onto Twilight for support. She didn't mind that so much, but she did say "There's nothing funny about that! What's wrong with me being purple?"

Once again, his laughter stopped and Raydence's answer came a split-second later: "Oh, nothing. Just the pink one was making funny faces, that's all."

"Pink one?" Twilight Sparkle turned around.

The minute she did, a bottle was stuffed into her mouth, her head forced up, a liquid that tasted like orange juice was forced down her throat. The bottle was quickly depleted, and then Pinkie Pie took the bottle back and said "There! You okay, Twilight?"

The purple unicorn groaned and moaned, shook her head and looked around before her eyes found Pinkie Pie again. "Pinkie! How long have you been here?"

Pinkie cast a glance at Raydence, and then turned her back. "I came here right after visiting Rarity. I was scared, really scared. But you said this was all because of a potion. So I thought there might be an antidote. I found your Alchemist--" she pronounced the ch as in cheese "--Cookbook."

"There was an antidote?"

"Uh-huh."

"And you knew how to make it?"

"Of course. I work in a bakery, silly!" Pinkie sighed, "I was just about to drink it, but then I heard you all and listened in..."

Twilight hugged Pinkie Pie from behind, and gleefully cried out "Oh thank you Pinkie! Thank you so much!" Then she let Pinkie go, and turned around to Raydence. "Oh Raydence, I'm so sorry. You must think I'm a freak..."

"Not really." Raydence half-smiled, and proved his meaning by scruffling Twilight's mane. Now back to her regular senses, Twilight felt like she should chide him for treating her like an animal... but after all she had put him through, Twilight decided he was entitled to something.

Twilight popped the bubble that Rainbow Dash was trapped in, and profusely apologized to the pegasus. Rainbow Dash did not say anything: she just hugged Twilight. Then she asked "So, is there any more of that antidote?"

Pinkie Pie answered without turning around, "You have enough stuff to make a couple more bottles."

To which Twilight added "But how are we gonna convince all the mares to drink one?"

That was when Raydence demonstrated one thing humans can do that ponies can't: he snapped his fingers, drawing all their attention.

And then he said "I just realized I don't have a headache anymore!"

That was it. That was so stupid, so obvious... that Twilight Sparkle could not resist breaking out in laughter.

Final Act

"Share the human! Share the human!"

That loathsome chant was still going strong when Fluttershy and Surprise ran back into town. "Oh dear," went Fluttershy.

"Yep," Surprise looked around left and right for any sign at all that might tell her where her precious human had gone. Then suddenly her eyes focused on a blue streak in the air. Rainbow Dash stopped directly above the gathered crowd and yelled out "Hey ladies! Your man is right over there!" And sure enough he was, right there, in the middle of the road, petting Twilight Sparkle with one hand and cradling Pinkie Pie with the other.

The mares all gasped, and at first looked joyous, but then all at once they noticed something. They saw the human all right, but for some reason the sight of him didn't cause their hearts to flitter, didn't cause their eyes to tear up in jubilation, didn't bend their minds to creating poems about flowers and birdsongs. Their guts no longer felt strange urges, their bodies no longer were consumed with a tremendous heat.

Oh, he was still cute, but the gathered mares had all lost that feeling that he was in any way... special.

One mare pointed and accused "He's a fake!"

"Afraid not!" Raydence stepped closer and bounced Pinkie once. As simple an action as this was, being able to hold the pink one one-armed was something no costume could replicate, so the ponies had to accept authenticity.

Twilight Sparkle stepped forward, "Citizens of Ponyville, allow me to accept full responsibility for any damage or inconvenience I've put you through. As I've said before, this is all my fault for feeding him a love potion which I thought was a headache cure."

From Raydence's arms, Pinkie Pie shouted out "But I've got some great news! We found an antidote!"

And Rainbow Dash capped it all off by saying "And now that Raydence has drunk it, we're not in love with him anymore!"

The mares in the crowd stood stock-still, and stared at the human and his surrounding ponies in disbelief. Then the one with blue-and-red mane said "That kind of blows."

"Yeah," said the redheaded mare, "I liked being in love! For the first time in my life, I felt like I had something to look forward to!"

Surprise pushed her way to the front of the crowd to be reunited with her favorite pet. The two exchanged a brief hug, and Surprise addressed the redhead pony and the entire crowd: "You do have something to look forward to. Speaking as a mare in her mid-forties, if there's one thing life has taught me, its that good things never go away. They just take a new form. One day each and every one of you will fall in love again. But this time, it won't be because of a potion. It'll be for real, and it'll be for someone you'll be happy with, and who will be happy with you. Look forward to that, and live each day knowing that today could be the one!"

Rainbow Dash came to the ground beside Surprise, and said "But you gotta take care. I learned something today: there's two kinds of love. There's a right kind, and a wrong kind. If you have the right kind of love, then you want to do what's best for them, even if its not what you want."

Twilight Sparkle bowed her head in shame, and then raised her head to speak, "And the wrong kind is where you put your own desires ahead of their well-being. It's more like... lust. If you fall in love, make sure it's the right kind, because that's the way it ought to be!"

When they heard this, the mares in the crowd all traded silent glances with each other, and the air permeated with nervousness and confusion. The pink pony with the lime-green mane stepped forth and said "Umm... Raydence, about what we tried to do... is there any way we can make it up to you?"

This pony's humble offer set off a chain reaction. What had started off as "share the human" had now become "make it up to the human," apologize for discomfort, ask if he was all right. One of the mares that had been in the crowd was a local nurse and she offered to attend to any wounds free of charge. This was silly of course, as Raydence was in fact unhurt, but the sentiment was honest.

Raydence waved his free hand, and told the gathered girls "It's okay, ladies. I'm not hurt. And I still know how to make casserole in thirty-six languages!"

Surprise chuckled. "Oh dear."

"Speaking of casserole, does anypony know a good restaurant? I'm famished!"

And everypony was eager to answer, a few even offered to pay for the meal. But ultimately, it came down to just Twilight and her friends treating the human and his owner to make up for what they had put them through. Everypony more or less kept quiet about the event, although it didn't stop Raydence from being a curiosity around town. In fact, it almost boosted his popularity.

The only Pony seriously put out by it was Rainbow Dash, who was so messed up about all the affection she had shown that she had to bathe three times and use a half-liter of mouthwash to wash the human off. She once found herself asking "I wonder what would have happened if Pinkie hadn't found that cure?" But then shook her head and decided that she didn't want to think about it.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I've learned that love can take many forms, and not all of them are pleasant. Some of them are even kind of scary, and its not the same for everypony, or every anything else for that matter. No matter how in control of yourself you think you are, sometimes you really do need to step back and think. Especially if your best friend tells you that something is wrong.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

P.S. The headache potion in Alchemist's Cookbook Volume 56 has to be mixed with the Immunity to Romantic Magnetism potion. My friend Rainbow Dash spotted this omission and earned 200 bits for writing them about it, and they're sending her a free corrected book! That's awesome, huh? Love you!

~See you next Scene!~

Lyrics to "I Can Make You Happy" (C) Davey Jones

Scene 3 - A Witch Among Us
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Surprise Days

Scene 3 - A Witch Among Us

~ Surprise Days ~

By NoGiantRobots1983

( nogiantrobots1983@gmail.com )

Scene 3

A Witch Among Us

~ Let's Begin! ~

"La la la la..."

Fluttershy placed a flower on her table. It was a decorative sunflower, not a real one, and it was meant only to make her table look pleasant and inviting for her guests. Angel Bunny noticed it was just off-center, and repositioned it just a smidgin. Fluttershy thanked him and happily went about her business.

Then she checked the cabinets.

"Oh, goodness. This is hardly enough food to feed all my guests! Guess I'm going to have to make a quick shopping trip. Watch the house for me Angel!" she said as she got her saddlebag and merrily skipped on out of the house.

At least it was a nice day for an outing. The sun was shining, there were almost no clouds in the sky, and the way the sunlight danced across the trees in the afternoon was almost dazzlingly nostalgic in its recalling of the world as it must have existed long ago, and in some ways still exists today. That was the great thing about the day: it was always there, even when the rest of the world was uncertain and scary, you could count on the sun.

These thoughts in her head, Fluttershy merrily skipped down the path, listening to the song of the birds, the pattering of the squirrels, the sniffing of the dogs...

She turned to look at the dogs, and saw it was actually a pony doing the sniffing. A dusty white pegasus with green mane. And nearby, the pegasus' pet human was up a tree and keeping a lookout as if he expected something.

"Good morning, Surprise, Raydence... what's going on?"

"No time to talk!" Surprise answered quickly, "there's a witch on the loose!"

"A what?"

Raydence jumped down from the tree and said "No sign of anything suspicious. This one must've really covered its tracks."

"Seems so." Surprise stopped sniffing, and looked off into the forest. Without even glancing at Fluttershy, Surprise explained "A witch is a female human who can do magic."

"Oh," Fluttershy half-smiled, "You're trying to catch a little girlfriend for your pet?" Fluttershy at this point couldn't resist fluttering up and scruffling Raydence's mane, "are there gonna be widdle baby Raydence's soon?"

"Ha!" Surprise ha'd, "One of him is already all I can handle. Anyway, you can't tame a witch. Witch's are among the kind of humans that still think they're the superior species. To them, we should be the pets."

"Oh," Fluttershy smiled, "That's just silly!"

"Do you live alone?"

Surprise was looking at her now, and Fluttershy saw that this was a serious, if unexpected, question. "Well... no. I live with my animals."

"What kind of animals?"

"Bunnies, birds, chickens..."

"No good. Get one of your friends to stay with you tonight."

"But--"

"For safety!" and before anything else could be said, Surprise turned to Raydence and said "We're off!"

And like that, Surprise was off. Raydence took one last glance at the forest and almost acted as if something had caught his interest, before thinking better of it and following Surprise.

Fluttershy walked on slowly, continually wondering "What was that all about?"

Her confusion only increased when she got to Ponyville. The ponies were out doing their routine chores and daily errands, but she noticed mothers all stayed close to their children, big sisters all stayed near their siblings. There was an air of caution and protectiveness all around. It was endearing, but at the same time Fluttershy wondered what brought this about.

There was Applejack's stand, and she saw Apple Bloom was there, even though Applejack didn't usually ask her to help selling apples. Even more confusingly, Miss Cheerilee was there.

"Good afternoon Miss Cheerilee! Applejack!" Fluttershy greeted the teacher as she walked up to the stand. "Umm, pardon me for asking, but isn't today Tuesday?"

"Good afternoon Fluttershy!" the teacher returned the greeting, "And yes it is."

"Then, why aren't these children in school? Is it out already?"

Applejack answered "They didn't have school today. It's been called off, on account of all the attempted kidnappings!"

Fluttershy gasped. "What kidnappings?"

Cheerilee answered "Last night, Sprinkles woke up and saw a stranger in her room. Fortunately she screamed and it scared the stranger off. But then this morning, something cast a net on Apple Bloom, right in broad daylight!"

"Oh dear!" Fluttershy drew a breath. "How terrifying!"

"Luckily I was there to scare the beast off. At least I think it was a beast... But you know... it kind of looked like one of those human creatures. It was wearing a cloak, so I couldn't be sure..."

Fluttershy thoughtfully put a hoof to her cheek. "That's strange. I ran into Surprise just now. She said something about a girl human with magic powers. She called it a 'witch'."

Applejack's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, that Surprise has been actin' loopy ever since she heard about this. 'Course, Surprise has acted loopy as long as we've known 'er."

Miss Cheerilee asked, "You don't think Surprise is involved in this, do you?"

And then all the sudden two bits fell onto Applejack's counter and a furless hand grabbed an apple. The hand raised the apple up to Raydence's mouth, where he took a bite, swallowed, and kept on eating.

Miss Cheerilee suddenly felt ashamed, and said "Oh, I didn't mean to say anything untoward..."

Raydence gave the school teacher a huh? look, but seemed to quickly figure out her meaning and said "Oh, no, it's all right. Heck, a crazy old pony and a creature you've never seen before come to town, all the sudden something tries to get your kids, heck I'd suspect me too if I didn't know better." Raydence took another bite of the apple, and wiped his lip.

Apple Bloom smiled as she came around to Raydence's front. She stood and put her forehooves on Raydence's knee and said "Yeah, I heard you took on ten Diamond Dogs all by yerself! I bet you could beat up that old witch, couldn't ya Ray-dayunce?" Apple Bloom pronounced his name with a dialect. Fluttershy had to blush a bit, for she was the only one who witnessed anything Raydence had done on his journey into the underground and, while she didn't recall actually witnessing any fights, the story must've come from her anyhow.

Raydence didn't answer immediately since he was finishing his apple, but when he dropped the completely-eaten thing to the ground he said "Nah, I'm more like a pack mule. Surprise is the real fighter."

And speaking of the devil, at just that moment Surprise poked out of the Library door and called out "Hey Raydence, come'ere! I found something!" The human pet didn't waste another word before setting out. Apple Bloom watched him go and asked Applejack "Can I go with 'im? It's only to the library."

Fluttershy added "I'll go too. I've gotten kind of curious."

"All right," Applejack agreed, "But you be careful, and Apple Bloom, don't you go anywhere by yerself!"

"All right!" Apple Bloom called back, for she was halfway to the library by the time Applejack finished talking.

And what was Surprise's big discovery? As Apple Bloom and Fluttershy got to the door, they heard Twilight Sparkle saying "I swear, I've been through my library hundreds of times and I've never seen any book like this!"

"You wouldn't have," Surprise was telling her, and now Fluttershy and Apple Bloom could see they were discussing a black leather book that they had placed on a small table in the center of the room. Surprise said "This is the Ars Witchika, created by black magic and filled with the secrets of human sorcery. Whenever a witch moves into town, the first thing they do is hit up the local libraries, and if there's not already an Ars Witchika there, they'll put one there. It's sort of their way of marking territory."

Twilight Sparkle looked at the back of the front-cover, where she could see there was what looked like some certificate, written out in handwriting that was clear and legible, and seemed to come from a refined hand, but something about it creeped her out. It said "Hereby let it be known that this community is claimed hunting-grounds by the witch known as Glaire, who follows the ways of..." Twilight Sparkle couldn't pronounce the last part.

Surprise said "Well, we know the witch's name at least."

Apple Bloom piped "Glaire? That's a silly name. And to think I was scared of her!"

Surprise let a smile appear on her face for a moment.

Twilight Sparkle flipped through the pages of the book, and said "Still, nice of her to give this to me. I'm always interested in collecting books on magic..." and then she stopped and Fluttershy saw a look of absolute astonishment on Twilight Sparkle's face. "This... this is horrible! I don't want this book anymore! Take it away!" and the purple unicorn turned away, cringed and covered her eyes as if that would erase the memory of what they had just seen. Apple Bloom was trying hard to get on the table and look but she just wasn't big enough.

Fluttershy glanced at Surprise, who was just sitting there with an expression that said she knew what Twilight had just seen even without seeing it herself. It spoke of a dark familiarity with the subject. Flutters herself had the feeling that she'd be better off not knowing, but even so... even so...

She could not resist taking a peak.

What she saw was a hand-drawn, black and white illustration with an explicit level of detail. It depicted a pony, chained to a stone slab, now nothing more than a mutilated corpse whose blood only partially covered a demonic symbol underneath. Off to one side, a human in ragged garb stood on its knees and held its arms to the sky. There was an almost supernatural energy to the depiction, as if by looking at it, Fluttershy was making herself a part of it. She could almost imagine herself as the hapless pony chained to the stone...

Something touched her shoulder. Fluttershy shrieked and ducked under the table. Surprise looked down at her and said "It's just me." For some reason, hearing the friendly voice of a fellow pony helped ease Fluttershy's tensions somewhat. Surprise made a soft smile, and told Fluttershy "Sorry you saw that."

Fluttershy now realized how silly she looked, hiding under that small table. She got out from under it and sat, trying her best not to look at that awful, awful book. "Do witches... do that?"

Surprise nodded unhappily, "That's how they get their power. You see, many demon lords have grudges against ponykind that go back to the dawn of our existence. So they offer pony-hating humans magical power in exchange for pony sacrifices."

"Oh... poor children."

"Yeah... children..." Surprise allowed her head to drop, and it seemed to Fluttershy that the white pegasus' forehooves had tensed up. In fact, she could just about swear that Surprise was beginning to radiate an aura. But this suddenly ended when Surprise next spoke: "I wish I had been there. This whole thing would be over by now if I was."

Fluttershy's ears drooped at the thought of how many poor ponies must've been offered just so one selfish human could have magical powers. Fear and sadness came through her, but also a little bit of anger. For a moment, Fluttershy had a wistful fantasy of finding this witch and showing it who was boss. Of course, Fluttershy knew that in reality, she'd probably run away.

Surprise held her head high and began to sniff the air. "My witch-sniffer nose is getting something. Seems fainter over here, but if I go toward this window..." Surprise, Fluttershy and even Twilight all looked at the same time and--yes! There was a cloaked figure climbing in the window! Surprise wasted no time leaping at it. Twilight Sparkle, galvanized by the sudden action, got up and ran out the front door, then made for the scene of the struggle. Raydence climbed out another window just to the side.

It looked to Fluttershy like they had the witch cornered. She hoped so, and she longed to go out and see for herself, but Fluttershy's nervous nature had set in and she found herself unwilling to move from where she sat. So she had to follow the battle entirely from sound and what fleeting glimpses she could catch from the window.

Something banged into the outside wall, and then there was a hiss and mist filled the air. Fluttershy could swear she heard a whoosh sound. All these things were clearly supernatural, for the mist went away completely in ten seconds flat. Only now did Fluttershy have the courage to come to the window and look out, and ask "Did you catch her?"

Then she gasped: Twilight Sparkle and Surprise both looked like they had taken some good hits. Surprise was somehow able to sit up, but she had to help Twilight to her feet. Fluttershy jumped out the window and offered to be of service. Only Raydence looked unscathed.

Raydence knelt down in front of Twilight, and asked "Can you walk? Do you need me to carry you?"

Even though the unicorn tumbled a bit, she righted herself and said "I'm fine. I've been through worse." Raydence nodded and stood, and walked beside the unicorn until they got back into the library. Then he left her and went to read the Ars Witchika.

Surprise coughed once to clear her throat, and told Fluttershy "She got away. But I think we scared her, at least. She must've seen how old I was and you two cringing, and figured we were helpless. But this is the second time this witch has attacked in broad daylight, and approached a group rather than a lone pony. She must be getting desperate."

"I think I know why." Raydence said. "According to this book, the demon with the unpronouncable name requires a sacrifice once every 121 day period. This witch is probably close to her deadline."

Surprise cast a worried glance at Twilight and then at Fluttershy. "That means she'll pull out all the stops. Spread the word: No pony sleeps alone tonight."

A thought was in the back of Fluttershy's mind, a gnawing notion that she was forgetting something. Then she heard Surprise say something about company, and it triggered a memory in Fluttershy's head:

"Oh dear! That's right, I'm expecting guests! Oh, well, good luck catching that witch I'll see you later I really must be going goodbye!"

Quick as she could, Fluttershy went back to Applejack's stand, hastily bought and payed for some apples and flew home. She had her table prepared by the time her two guests arrived.

It was a pleasant little tea party. Pinkie Pie messed with Angel Bunny a few times while Rarity made pleasant conversation as she always did. The two were so cheerful that Fluttershy managed to completely forget the witch and the events at the library.

Then Rarity looked out the window and said "Well, it's getting late. I'm afraid I must be heading home. Take care!"

"Bye-bye!" Pinkie bounced out the door, with Rarity following soon after. The whole time, Fluttershy waved a farewell to them. Then she glanced out the window to admire the stars.

Stars.

Night.

Oh gosh! Fluttershy immediately realized the mistake she had made. She opened the front door and began to call out, but already she had lost sight of her two guests. Nothing for it, she simply had to go after... but it was so dark! And the way that tree blew in the wind just didn't look right! What if that witch was right outside her door?

The thought scared Fluttershy so much that she immediately closed and locked the door. She pulled the blinds on all the windows, and still not trusting that she was protected enough, hid below a table. "Oh, Angel!" she said when she saw the rabbit giving her an awkward glance, "What should I do? Surprise said not to sleep alone tonight. I could go and stay with Twilight or Rainbow Dash, but then who would protect you? But if I don't go, who will protect me?"

Angel blinked slowly, hopped closer to Fluttershy and nuzzled into her cheek. Fluttershy smiled. "Thanks, Angel."

This would work, this would be how she'd pass the night: huddled under a table with her best friend. It wasn't a bad plan, she told herself. After all, the witch probably didn't even know about her and her little cottage. She's probably still in town. Hey, maybe Surprise already captured her! Wouldn't that be wonderful? Even if the Witch was loose, she'd never get past the front door.

Or would she?

Fluttershy realized then that a creature that can do magic would have no need to fear locks. After all, Twilight Sparkle could do that teleport thing. What if this witch could too? "This isn't going to work," she told Angel as she crawled out from under the table, and she explained her thoughts to the rabbit, concluding with "I know! Maybe we can try some psychological warfare! Turn off all the lamps!"

And between the two of them, Angel and Fluttershy had turned off every light in the house in record time.

"Now," the pony said as much to herself as to the bunny, "I'm going to do the part that scares me most..."

And she opened the door, stepped outside and yelled back "I'm going to to Rarity's now! I'll be there all night, with Rarity! And her three big, tough older brothers!" There, if there were any witches around they had to have heard that. So Fluttershy quickly stepped back inside and locked the door. "Good, now she'll think the house is abandoned and leave us alone!" As an added bonus, she'll probably think Rarity actually had big, tough older brothers, too.

Next came the hardest part of all: Fluttershy would have to spend the entire night in the dark. She hated it, but she couldn't afford to light a candle, and give away that somepony was still home. Fluttershy could barely see, except for the moonlight coming in from the kitchen window...

Oh gosh! There was a curtain she forgot to close! But she couldn't do it now--that would give the game away! For that matter, if the witch had good night-vision, she'd still see the bright yellow pegasus huddling on the floor...

"Oh, where should I hide?"

Angel Bunny tapped with his foot, and with his ear pointed up the stairs.

"Oh, you're right!" Fluttershy whispered, "She can't possibly fly!" Fluttershy herself could, but she was so used to walking that she didn't even think of using her wings as she crept up the stairs and to the bedroom above. This was the same bedroom she had let the Cutie Mark Crusaders sleep in during that one night where they'd had a run-in with a cockatrice, and as soon as Fluttershy reached it, she saw a problem:

Moonlight shone directly on the bed. If she slept there, she was as good as announcing her presence. And yet Fluttershy didn't want to close the blind. Her logical reason was because it would be a sudden change that gave away the still-inhabited nature of the house. Her actual reason was because she wanted there to be some light in the room to see by.

Fluttershy took a gulp, and crept across the moonlit area to the corner on the other side of the bed. There. Now she was facing out, and there was no way any witch could sneak up on her!

Fluttershy tensed as a shadow passed by the window, and she resisted the urge to squeal. The shadow passed again, and this time Flutters felt relief: she could see by its outline that it was just some nightbird making its rounds. Years of living among animals had taught her to recognize their shadows.

What was that little white... oh, it was only Angel Bunny, coming to join her. Another shadow passed just as Angel came hopping across the moonlight, but Fluttershy felt sure it was just that same nightbird. The bunny hopped into her loving hooves.

A dark corner is not comfortable, but if it would keep them safe, Fluttershy could do it. She sat there for a long time, keeping an eye out, but slowly her eyes began to droop. At first, she resisted sleep by telling herself she needed to keep watch. But as time wore on and nothing happened, the sleep argued back, and soon she shut her eyes and was off in dreamland. There were no witches or demons or scary things here, it was just her, her friends, and her animals..

Suddenly there was a clang! Fluttershy and Angel Bunny both immediately darted awake and listened. There it came again, and it sounded like the chicken coop! Flutters and Angel both ran to the window and looked out, and it didn't take them long to see what the commotion was:

A fox had gotten into the chicken coup.

"Oooooooh," Fluttershy grunted in frustration, and without thinking she flew out the window and into the pen, where she caught the fox's tail beneath her hoof. "Now wait just a minute Mister Fox! I gave you food just this morning! What gives you the right to come in here and steal one of my chickens?"

Mister Fox looked up at her with the most pleading of eyes, pointed at chickens with one hand and rubbing his belly and licking his lips with another.

"You're still hungry, is that it?"

The fox nodded excitedly.

"Even so, you should just ask instead of trying to steal. As it happens I've got some dog kibble. Right in that shed. You can have some of that. It's supposed to taste just like chicken and be even more healthy and nutritious. Now go have some of that and leave my chickens alone!"

The fox looked at the shed, and nodded agreeably. Fluttershy let up his tail and the fox ran to the shed, and she could hear the creature busily eating that dog kibble. Seconds later he came out, gave Fluttershy a big smile, and was gone. Flutters smiled at her chickens and softly cooed "It's okay, he's gone now. Everybody go back to bed!" The chickens willingly herded back into their coup, and Fluttershy made sure to secure the place so as to not have any more unexpected nightly visitors.

She sighed. "Another job well done. My chickens are safe..."

And then it finally occured to Fluttershy that she was outside, and the full moon was highlighting her presence for the entire world to see.

"Oh my gosh!" Fluttershy quickly flew back in the bedroom window, back to her safe, dark corner. "Oh, I hope the witch didn't see or hear any of that."

Downstairs, something fell over, and Fluttershy whispered "What was that?"

Angel Bunny looked at the stairs, glanced at Fluttershy, then hopped down to check, even though Fluttershy whispered "Angel, come back!"

The bunny was out of sight, and Fluttershy couldn't help looking at the top of the steps, waiting for him to return. Five minutes passed, then ten, and still Angel did not come. That worried the little yellow pegasus. It worried her a lot.

There was only one thing for it: she had to risk the journey downstairs. Fluttershy crept low across the room, double-checked the window to make sure there were no witches watching. Then she crept down the stairs, almost like a weasel the way she moved so gracefully. When she reached the bottom she looked left, looked right, and then looked up.

Somehow, Angel had gotten himself locked in a birdcage.

"Oh, Angel!" Fluttershy flew up and opened the cage, "What are you doing up here?"

Almost from the moment he saw her, Angel jumped up and down and waved his hands and ears. Fluttershy knew he was trying to say something, but what?

She finally got the message when the bag came down over her head.

Don't think for a minute that Fluttershy didn't kick and scream from the minute she was bagged and all through the journey, a journey through which she could not tell where she was going, but it seemed certain that the witch was taking her deeper into the Everfree Forest. If nothing else, Fluttershy could clearly hear the sound of brush and snapping twigs beneath a pair of feet.

She struggled, she bounced around, and she screamed until her screamer wore out. Fluttershy didn't know if the bag muffled her or what, but she was going to try. Now that push had come to shove, she wasn't going to give up without a fight.

The air was starting to get stale in that bag when finally she was dumped onto a stone slab. For a flashing moment Fluttershy thought this would be her chance, and jumped to her hooves. But before she could run, chains flew from all sides, wrapping themselves around her and binding her down tightly. Fluttershy fell on her side, her face toward the witch who she now saw devoid of cloak: It was a human woman all right, with silver hair and an extremely frail build, all dressed in rags and tatters. If Raydence was young, then this woman looked middle-aged.

Fluttershy didn't need to see the whole scene to know what was going on: she remembered the picture in the book all too well. She knew what the witch meant by running a whetstone against that ceremonial knife. At the edge of the stone slab, fires were lit, and the warmth was not at all comfortable.

What was the witch's name? Glaze? Glam? Glaire? That was it: "Glaire!" Fluttershy called out. "Why are you doing this?"

Glaire looked amused at the yellow pegasus, and not once did she stop sharpening the knife. "You know my name, don't you? Then you should also know what this is about. You've read my Ars Witchika."

"But... but it said you have 121 days!"

"I did... 120 days ago. At midnight tonight it'll be the 121st. I thank you for offering yourself to me, that my power might continue awhile longer."

"But... please don't! I have animals to take care of!"

Glaire smiled, "Oh, those chickens? They were your undoing, you know. You almost had me, pretending your house was abandoned, but I had my doubts. One fox tossed in a chicken coup later, though..."

Glaire put the knife down now, and began a low chant. Fluttershy tried to keep her talking, hoping against hope that maybe she could distract her long enough for help to come. "You... you knew about that?" she asked. But it was no use: Glaire did not stop chanting. That seemed to be the witch's entire world at the moment. Fluttershy knew time was running out, but what to do? No matter how tightly she pulled on the chains, it seemed like it was never enough.

And what was Glaire doing? Running her hands through a pot of water, for whatever reason. Fluttershy didn't understand the ceremonial things that this witch was doing. She didn't need to understand. She only knew she didn't want to be here.

"Please!" Fluttershy pleaded one last time, "Please let me go!"

But the witch did not stop chanting, stop doing her ceremonial preparations. Finally, the moment Fluttershy most feared had come: Glaire picked up the knife again, and came upon the stone slab. Like a machine, emotionless, still chanting that weird chant. Fluttershy knew it was time to say goodbye.

And then suddenly, some brown thing jumped on Glaire's face, and began scratching her all up! It only took Fluttershy a second to realize it was a flying squirrel, and it also only took a second for Glaire to rip it away. The bloodstained smears only highlighted how angry the witch looked at the interruption.

Glaire made to throw the squirrel with all her might, but before she could, something bit her leg. It was a fox--no, the same fox from earlier, now fat from all the dog kibble, but he wasn't about to let that hamper his mobility. Birds came. Night-hawks swooped down at the witch, while smaller birds landed and pecked at her.

Angel Bunny was there too, trying desperately to release Fluttershy from her chains. The little white rabbit pulled and pulled, but he couldn't seem to create any slack.

Then a dusty white hoof scooted him aside, and said "Here, let me." Fluttershy winced as Surprise pulled back her hoof, by all rights looking like she would throw a punch. And punch she did--at a link in the chain. Surprise pulled away, and Fluttershy could see that the link looked unharmed... until it cracked. And cracked some more, and again, until it fell apart as just little metal specks of sand. And then another wonder: the rest of the chain began to crack, until suddenly the thing that had held Flutters unable to escape her fate was, itself, nothing but little silver-looking specks of sand on a rock.

Fluttershy came to her hooves, and asked "How did you do that?"

"You know what they say, 'a chain is only as strong as its weakest link'." With a smirk, Surprise turned and looked at the witch, still being assaulted by forest creatures. "What do you think, Fluttershy? Minus ten points for form?"

"Huh?" Fluttershy didn't understand the question at first, but when she glanced Glaire's way a second time, she too shared a smirk. "Oh, definitely. Minus twenty points for animal abuse!"

And then Glaire flashed, and the flash temporarily stunned the animals. Fluttershy and Surprise only just managed to cover their eyes and save themselves from any lasting disorientation, but still the witch was upon them.

Glaire grabbed Fluttershy by the neck, and jeered "That's cocky, coming from a pony whose life was in my hands just a second ago!" And then Glaire picked Fluttershy up and threw her, hard, at the back of the stone slab. Then Glaire turned and readied to fire a magic bolt at Surprise.

Surprise stood there, and smiled.

Glaire smiled too. "So, you're in a hurry to be sacrificed? Very--"

Glaire might have finished that phrase and her bolt-spell if a yellow pegasus hadn't sped through the air and assaulted her from the side. Glaire fell to the ground, the entire side of her body scratched against hard rocks. If she had any beauty left, it was now lost to the harshness of battle.

Surprise jeered, "Lack of situational awareness. Minus five points!"

"Bad breath!" Fluttershy pointed out, "Another five points!"

A gutteral growl escaped Glaire's lungs as she got up, and turned to them in all her battle-tarnished un-glory. Her one hand covered an eye socket that was bleeding profusely, while Glaire's other hand contained two glowing objects. With a pair of quick swipes she tossed the object, one at Fluttershy and the other at Surprise. Fluttershy took to the air to avoid the magical explosion, while Surprise jumped to the side.

Glaire somehow produced two more of the explosives, which she continued attacking Surprise with, and all the while, she laughed. "Ha ha!" she jeered crazedly, "In all my years I've never seen your kind put up such a fight! THIS IS FUN! I think I'll only attack adults from now on!"

Fluttershy glared darkly at Glaire, and slowly came back down to Earth. "You mean... every pony you've sacrificed has been...?"

"A weak, helpless child?" Surprise finished the question, and the anger in her voice was unmistakable.

"Of course!" Glaire answered crazedly even as she prepared another spell.

But she didn't get a chance to cast it. Within a second Fluttershy was choke-holding her from behind, while Surprise gave the witch's little stomach a two-hoofed pounding, followed by a backwards double-hind-leg buck. The witch fell to the ground, and Fluttershy put her hoof down on the witch's head.

"That's minus eighty points," Fluttershy growled, "and I don't like this game anymore!"

Fluttershy didn't even try to control herself when she began pushing down on the witch's head, as hard as she could. She cast a glance at Surprise, thinking--perhaps hoping--that the dusty white pegasus would do something, say something, to prevent her from taking another creature's life. Somewhere in her heart of hearts, Fluttershy didn't feel like this was right. But this witch was beyond anything and everything she knew. She existed outside of unconventional rules.

It appeared Surprise felt the same way, for she only sat there and watched, and did nothing to try and stop Fluttershy.

In fact, the only one who tried to save the witch, was the witch herself.

In desperation she pushed Fluttershy with a hand full of fire, and threw sand in Surprise's eyes. Then the witch was on her feet, and ran off into the dark of the woods. Fluttershy took to all fours and was about to chase after her.

Then, Surprise called out "Hey Glaire, you forgot something!"

Fluttershy was almost on the witch when Surprise called out, and both she and the witch turned and looked back. Surprise sat calmly, her forehoof resting atop a stone that looked like any other, except that it glowed with supernatural energy, its light radiating the colors of a dark-hued rainbow.

Surprise tapped the stone, which agitated the witch. "This is a Contract Stone," said the dusty pegasus, "the symbol of an agreement between a human and a demon. You know what happens if I destroy the Contract Stone, don't you?"

"That's impossible!" Glaire declared.

"Do it, Surprise!" Fluttershy shouted back.

And that was that: Surprise struck the stone just as she had struck the chain, and the stone cracked and became little tiny flecks of dust. The magic disappeared completely. Glaire cried out in mental agony and despair and fell to her knees, clutching at the sky as if she thought some greater power could save her yet. And then, all at once, Glaire's skin dried out, her body began to fall apart. Her skin, her organs, her bones, all calcified and became just sand, fragmented to be blown away on the wind. Within seconds, Glaire the Witch was no more.

"What happened?" Fluttershy fluttered back to the ground.

Surprise came to Fluttershy's side, put a hoof around the yellow pegasus. She payed only a glance at the dust that had been Ponyville's most recent terror, and told Fluttershy "She was so old, the demon's magic must've been the only thing that kept her going."

"Ohmigosh..." Fluttershy turned her head away, buried it in Surprise's chest. "We... I... I almost crushed her head in! Does that make me a bad pony? Does it?"

Surprise didn't say anything just yet, but she did stroke Fluttershy's mane with her hoof. Fluttershy supposed she should thank Surprise for that, but she couldn't. She didn't quite know why, but all the sudden she was crying.

And then she felt another hand upon her. Or rather, a paw. A squirrel nuzzled up to her cheek, and birds nested on her head. Fluttershy gradually became aware of the songs animals sing in the night, and it felt for once that normality was returning. Then... she stopped crying.

As Fluttershy lit a candle in her cottage, she asked "By the way, how did you find me so fast?"

Surprise wiped her hooves on the mat, said "Thank a duck for that."

"A duck?"

"Yep. It came and got my attention, made me follow it. Then other animals came along. I arrived just in time to see that squirrel attack Glaire." Surprise lay down. "The animals around here must really like you."

"Well, yeah, I guess so," Fluttershy smiled, her commune with animals being one of the few conceits she allowed herself. "Are you hurt?"

"Not really. You?"

"I feel fine."

"Good."

Fluttershy felt it was only right to serve her guest some late-night snacks, which Surprise ate willingly. Fluttershy herself gracefully nibbled an apple that she had left from earlier. After swallowing a bite, she asked "Out of curiosity, where is Raydence?"

"Left him to guard the town." Surprise said between nibbles. "I should go get him. We have to leave soon."

"Leave? Why?"

Surprise took one last nibble, "Well, I'm only here because my witch-sniffer nose sniffed a witch. Now that there's no witch, I need to move on."

Fluttershy's ears drooped and her heart sank. "But... I barely got to know you! At least let me give you some reward!"

"Don't, please." Surprise held up a hoof. "There's only one reward I want, and you can't give it to me. I have to get it myself... the next time I see a witch."

Fluttershy paused for a second, silently moved next to the dusty pegasus and lay down, "Umm... if you don't mind me asking...?"

Surprise stared off into space and rested her head. As the silence wore on, Fluttershy started to figure that Surprise was going to keep her secret. But then Surprise answered silently "I want to be young again." Was there a note of sadness in the green-maned pegasus voice? Fluttershy softly put a hoof on her, which the other took as a prompt: "When I was your age, I was faster, stronger, healthier. You saw me break that chain? Well I could do things a million times more amazing. I could fly. And if I become young again, I might... I might..."

Surprise sighed. "But there's only one way to do that. That's to eat a witch's hair."

What surprised Fluttershy most was what she felt when she heard that: Fluttershy felt nothing at all. Not terror, not astonishment, not disgust, not any of the half-a-dozen things she thought she should feel. The only thing she felt, was like stroking Surprise's mane and saying "Oh."

Fluttershy gathered her friends outside Twilight's library the next day, and told them all the story of the witch's defeat, and of Surprise's departure. Fluttershy argued with herself about whether to mention the reason Surprise was leaving, but finally decided that these were her friends, and she didn't keep secrets from them. Surprise had not informed anypony else of her plans--she was simply gone the next day, and she took her human with her.

Pinkie Pie beat the ground, "That meanie! Least she could do is let me see that man-thing one last time!"

Rarity sighed, "I guess it couldn't be helped, but the least she could've done is let me come with her!"

"Come with her?" Twilight Sparkle cocked an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Well I want to be young again too!"

Everypony looked at Rarity and smiled. Dash tried hard to hold back her laughter, but it was Rarity herself who broke the first chuckle. If nothing else, the friends had another thing to joke about.

All the sudden a great singing welled up and came ever closer, a huge shape shambled closer and closer, and as it came the ponies could see it was two shapes, one holding the other!

And as they danced closer, Raydence and Surprise sang "From the land of light he comes for the sake of all our souls, he is here, our Ulllltraaaaamaaaaaan!" With a final "Yeah!" Surprise departed Raydence's arms and greeted the sixlet of friends: "Hey, I'm back!"

"Surprise!" Fluttershy greeted her, "This... this is... well... a surprise! I thought you were off to find another witch?"

"Well that's the thing! Just as I was leaving, my witch-sniffer nose sniffed another witch!"

"Oh, dear!" Fluttershy replied.

"That's not possible!" Twilight Sparkle complained, "I checked just a few minutes ago, the Ars Witchika is gone!"

"Then the witch hasn't set up shop here. It's possible this one may even pass us by. But I'm staying until I know for sure."

"Great to have you back!" Rainbow Dash patted Surprise's back. "But next time you go witch-hunting, take us with you. After all, we want some of that hair too!"

"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy cried out and glanced at Surprise, expecting any minute to see the dusty pegasus glare at her in anger. But that never happened. All Surprise did was yuck it up with the rest of the ponies. And Fluttershy was able to comfortably join in.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Wow, we had a real scare down here! This thing called a "Witch" almost got Fluttershy! It made me realize this world is a lot more complicated than I first thought, and there's a lot of scary stuff out there that I'm probably not prepared to deal with. At the same time, it fills me with hope: To hear Surprise say it, Fluttershy basically beat the witch all by herself. It makes me think that maybe, underneath it all, we're all actually strong enough to deal with life's challenges. At least I hope so. I'd hate to think what would happen if we're not.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

~ See you next Scene! ~

Ultraman theme (C) Eiji Tsuyabara. The lyrics are based on my own (loose) translation of the Japanese original.

Bonus Scene - Discord Gets a Surprise
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Surprise Days

Bonus Scene - Discord Gets a Surprise

The story below, called "Discord Gets a Surprise," started out as a joke. I just thought it would be funny to see how Surprise and Raydence would react to Discord. For awhile, I liked this story so much that I thought of making it part of the main series. However, that proved too headache-inducing because it meant that at some time in the future I would be obligated to write a story explaining Discord's place in Surprise Days canon, and I hate writing just to fulfill an obligation.

Even so, I still like this story, so I thought I'd share it. Just keep in mind it is a joke, nothing more, and enjoy!

~ Let's begin! ~

It was a bright morning, boring an unchaotic, just the way Discord didn't like it. He was trying his best to ignore how boring the day was, laying on a hammock and reading a novel. The novel was Frankenstein, and this would be the fifty-fifth time he'd read it in his lifetime. That was how bored he was. But there was just nothing better!

So he read, and time passed. At about the time the Monster was explaining how he had strangled Dr. Frankenstein's nephew, Discord became aware of some noises in the Everfree Forest, coming closer. The Draconequus lowered his book to take a glance.

Two strange creatures came through the Everfree Forest. One of them was a dusty white pegasus with mane and tail a certain shade of neon green. The other was a tall, skinny creature whose appearance vaguely suggested some kind of primate, but more civilized. He had no fur but did feature a black mane that covered his eyes, and his furlessness was made up for with clothing that seemed to have no particular fashion in mind.

The pony was ahead, pulling the other thing along via a leash--actually a noose around the creature's neck. If the creature had any objection to this, it did not show. As for the pony, she had her nose to the ground, sniffing like a bloodhound. This behavior was ongoing when they passed by a Draconequus reading a book in a hammock. Discord saw the strange beings and decided his fifty-fifth reading of Frankenstein could wait.

"Well well well!" Discord floated in front of the two travellers. "If it isn't a human being! My, I haven't seen one of those in these parts for ages!"

"Eh," was all the dusty white pegasus could muster--she didn't even look up.

The human gave Discord only a quick once-over--it was clear that either he had seen Draconequus before, or else he was just so used to strange sights that they no longer bothered him. The human nodded and said "We're looking for a witch."

"Raydence!" the pegasus turned and faced her human, "What have I told you? It's rude for a human to speak out of turn! Do you want this chicken-creature to think we're barbarians?"

"Yep!"

The pegasus put a hoof to her forehead, then addressed Discord. "I am Surprise and this is my seeing-eye human, Raydence. We're--"

"Oh dear!" Discord interrupted with a tone of mock sympathy, "So you're blind! How dreadful! (Hee, to think of all the wonderful games I could play...)"

"Nah," Raydence leaned against a tree and filed his fingernails--where he got the file was anypony's guess. "She just says that because it gives her an excuse to be a crack-brained slave driver."

Surprise made a mischevious look and then pulled on Raydence's leash--but there was no resistance. The noose was empty. Raydence had taken it off. "Ugh!" Surprise stomped once or twice, not hard enough to smash a flower, "Raydence, haven't I told you never to take off your leash? If anypony here saw you, they'd think you were a wild animal!"

"Uh huh."

Discord watched the exchange and wondered what kind of mean tricks he could play on these two ponies who had so cruelly interrupted his fifty-fifth reading of Frankenstein. As Surprise was beginning some kind of rant that somehow compared her pet human to a bowl of spaghetti, he floated down to her side and said "Ms. Surprise, I couldn't help but notice your cutie mark. I take it you like games and parties and all those sweet things?"

Surprise seemed to totally lose interest in arguing with the human (who mostly acted like he didn't give two kicks) and turned toward Discord with a cynical look. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well, it's just I know a pony with almost the same cutie mark--"

"She's a third-generation knock off!" Surprise raised a hoof, "Get one thing straight, chicken! I am the original! I was on store shelves long before half the ponies here were even concieved! I was made of much sterner plastic!"

"I don't think he's a chicken," Raydence considered with a hand on his chin. "Looks more like an eastern dragon to me."

"Oh the very idea! An eastern dragon with ram horns. He's a chicken I tell you! A giant chicken!"

"Actually I'm a Draconequus--"

"You stay out of this!" Surprise shook her hoof at Discord, then said to Raydence "and you, keep in mind that humans don't have souls. After all, they never made a toy of you!"

That actually made Raydence chuckle. Surprise smiled and egged him with an "eh? EH?" which turned the chuckle into outright laughter which both pony and human shared. Then they hugged, and Raydence put the leash back on and said "Right, we better get back to hunting that witch. See ya later, dragon-chicken-ram horned thing."

And as the pony led her human off into the distance, Discord watched on. In the whole five minutes that this event took place, he had not once thought of something he could do to these creatures. He had thought their spat was due to his influence, but now there was a doubt in the Draconequus' mind: maybe these two were just that way?

That made it interesting.

Frankenstein could wait. Discord packed his things in a magical Inventory Screen and rushed to follow the strange pony and her seeing-eye human from a safe, undetectable distance.

~ See you again! ~

Scene 4 - Draconequis
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Surprise Days

Scene 4 - Draconequis

Sorry it took so long for this chapter to come out, I had to deal with both sickness and computer failure these past couple of weeks. Hopefully there won't be as long a wait before the next chapter.

~Surprise Days~

by NoGiantRobots1983

Scene 4

Draconequis

~Let's Begin!~

"Pinkie Pie!"

Rainbow Dash...? Pinkie saw her friend above her, reaching out. Was there a look of terror on the blue pony's face? She couldn't tell, it was all so blurry. What was Rainbow Dash standing on?

"Pinkie!"

It was so strange, Rainbow Dash was right there, and yet, she sounded so far away. That hoof she offered, Pinkie could almost reach up and grab it, but she just... didn't feel like it?

"Don't you dare--"

Pinkie never learned what it was she shouldn't dare, for at that moment the world went black.

All the sudden, there was light. And movement. And voices. Pinkie felt as though she were floating... no, she was laying on something. Something soft... and who put this green shirt on her? Was there something wrapped around her head.

Suddenly everything came into stark clarity, and Pinkie knew exactly where she was: she was in a hospital room. Was there a nurse on duty?

"Uh, hello?" She called out to the door. Nurse Joy quickly looked in, and smiled with great relief, and called to an unseen assistant "Go tell the doctor that Ms. Pie has regained consciousness!"

"She has?!" Pinkie knew that voice, and soon the blue blur who owned it flew into the room and landed by her side. It was so strange, too, that Rainbow Dash of all ponies had been crying. "Oh Pinkie!" Dash cried out, "It's all my fault! If I had only seen that tree and that cliff... I should've saved you!"

"Pinkie's okay!" Pinkie pie said, suddenly wondering why she was referring to herself in third-person.

"No, you're not." Rainbow Dash said. "The doctors said there's signs of brain damage."

"Awww, Pinkie no have much brain anyway!" Pinkie tried to say cheerily, and even as the words came out she was aware of them coming out wrong.

And so was Rainbow Dash. Hearing Pinkie talk in broken Equestrish caused the blue pegasus to cry some more.

Even so, Pinkie was released later that day, with the doctors saying the damage was minor and probably to non-essential parts of the brain. Pinkie Pie's friends were all there to greet her, and Pinkie noticed how they all made special efforts to spend time with her. Rarity marked down her clothing so they'd sell faster, Applejack harvested early, Twilight Sparkle cleared her schedule, Rainbow Dash... well Rainbow Dash had plenty of free time anyway, as did Fluttershy.

Actually, Pinkie didn't like this. But the only pony she felt comfortable saying this to was Twilight Sparkle, one night while they were alone at the library. "Pinkie's not dying! I glad everypony cares, but why make big deal? Just because I talk funny now." Then Pinkie noticed something: "Hey! Who that man? I thought you say we were alone!"

Twilight Sparkle looked at Pinkie with eyes wide. "We... are alone." Then Twilight Sparkle turned. Pinkie thought for sure Twilight must see that stallion with the jet-black mane, for she was looking right at him! But no... Twilight Sparkle swung her head left and right and then said "Pinkie, are you sure you're all right?"

"I fine! What wrong with you!? There a stallion there, right there! Look, see, he stealing your book!"

"What?" The purple unicorn turned, and Pinkie knew she had to see it now: the stallion had grabbed a book off the shelf and was going to a corner of the room. Twilight's eyes were following his every movement... wait the hay? Where did that stallion go?

Pinkie pie walked to the area, and looked around for a trap door or other explanation. Then she told Twilight "Man just... disappear."

Twilight closed the book, read its cover. "Once every month, I find this book lying on this very spot... Pinkie, I think you saw a ghost."

The mere mention of a ghost caused the pink party animal to find the nearest bed and hide under it, even as Twilight called out "Pinkie, don't be ridiculous!" But Pinkie wanted to be ridiculous. Ghosts were scary. I mean yeah Giggle at the Ghostlies and all that, but that didn't count when the ghosts were real! Pinkie lay under the dark bed, covered her face. Then she wondered...

Pinkie uncovered her eyes and looked around in the darkness-under-the-bed just long enough for some red-eyed creature to say "Hi." Then the pink one jumped with such force that it overturned the bed, and ran back downstairs and straight into Twilight Sparkle's hooves.

As she held the panicking pony still, Twilight Sparkle said with as much force and authority as she could muster "Listen to me! If there are ghosts here, then they've been here a long time and have never once harmed us! We have no reason to fear them!" Pinkie stopped struggling, but still looked at the unicorn with eyes full of fear. Twilight went on to say "Pinkie, you've been given a wonderful gift. I'm sure something good will come of it!"

"...Maybe," Pinkie admitted, but in her heart she wasn't entirely sure.

One thing was for sure though: It made the days ahead a lot more awkward. Pinkie would often find herself talking excitedly to ponies everypony else couldn't see, or jumping in fear of a snake that others were oblivious to. It soon dawned on Pinkie that Ponyville was a town full of ghosts, and all her life she had somehow never noticed them.

One day, she had to get away from it all, so she went to every young girl's sanctuary: her room. She closed her eyes. If there were any ghosts here, she didn't want to see them. It seemed like hours past as she lay down in silence, but in reality it was only a few seconds before she noticed Gummy seemed to be after something. She looked and saw the little gator trying his darndest to eat some... lizard-thing?

The lizard-thing climbed up on Pinkie's bed, and she got a good look at it. It certainly was like no lizard she'd seen before. Its head looked like a goat, complete with antlers--but different kinds of antlers on each side. Different kinds of arms and legs too. The thing was a mess! "What are you?" Pinkie asked the thing, point-blank.

The creature turned to her with some surprise. "You... can see me?"

"Uh-huh."

"You're talking to me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well well!" the creature seemed glad to hear this. "I'm... well, I can't say my real name, but in mythology I'm known as Discord."

"Why can no say your real name?"

"Because if I do, I reincarnate. And who wants to come back to life as a silly rabbit or a turtle or something when I'm perfectly happy as I am right now?"

Comprehension was beginning to dawn on Pinkie: "You're a g-g-ghost?"

"You might say I'm the ghost with the most."

"EEK!" And Pinkie hid under her bed. Discord tsked this several times before floating down.

"Look, lady, I've seen you before. You've talked to plenty of ghosts before me, I'm sure by now you know there's nothing to be afraid of. In fact, I bet I could even be of help..."

But before Discord could finish that line of thought, Pinkie's bedroom door opened, and in stepped Rainbow Dash! "Hey Pinkie!" the pegasus said, and then said "Uh... Pinkie?" when she saw the pink one under her bed. "What are you doing down there?"

"I'm.... uhhh..." Pinkie thought of an excuse. She didn't want to tell Rainbow Dash that she was scared of a lizard. She had some pride! Then Discord whispered something in Pinkie's ear, and Pinkie came out and said "I drop a bouncy ball. Can't find. Oh well."

"Yep, that happens," Dash smirked. "So, I was wondering if you felt up to some pranking. You know, to help get you back in the groove."

"Sounds fun! Who we prank?"

"Well... how about Surprise? I don't think her feelings would be hurt."

And Pinkie smiled a sweet smile.

The truth is, the thought of pranking Surprise had been on Pinkie's mind for awhile. Of course, Twilight had always told her not to: Surprise was too new, she argued, and might take it the wrong way. But by now Surprise knew most ponies well enough to know she was welcome, so no harm done. Pinkie insisted on only one thing: no pranks on Surprise's pet human. Raydence just looked too weak and delicate. Rainbow Dash was a little disappointed, but went along with it.

So the first prank was a typical one: the bucket of water over a door. Surprise was renting out a small two-room house at the outskirts of Ponyville and after assuring she was there, this was where Dash and Pinkie set the trap. The door opened inward though, so they set the bucket on the edge of the roof, and the idea was Dash would pull a rope when Surprise opened the door.

What could possibly go wrong? Well, for starters...

"That's the back door."

Surprise herself stood right next to Pinkie Pie in her hiding place and pointed that out. Pinkie was (you might say) surprised. "How you find me?"

"Situational Awareness," the pegasi answered. "Hey, is that water clean?"

"Uh-huh. Come right from that river..."

"There's a river? Oh, good!" and Surprise went and jumped in that river, getting herself good and thoroughly wet. The only explanation they got was that it was a hot day and Surprise really needed a cool-down, but the bottom line was there was no point soaking somepony who was already soaked. Dash and Pinkie took their bucket somewhere else.

If at first you don't succeed...

This one had to work. By eavesdropping, Dash and Pinkie learned that Surprise was going to pay a visit to Fluttershy. That gave them the idea for their next prank: a wooden platform with spring-loaded launchers underneath! Rainbow Dash explained "When Surprise steps on it, she'll be sent up in the air!"

"Won't that hurt?" Pinkie had doubts. "Surprise wings broke. She can't fly like you."

"Aww don't worry, it shouldn't send her more than two feet off the ground. If it sends her flying, I'll catch her."

Whatever else Rainbow Dash may be, she was a trusty pony, so Pinkie felt safe and secure pulling this prank. So they sat by the road... and waited... There she was! Uh-oh, problem: Surprise had brought her human with her. Pinkie cast a worried glance at Dash, but Dash just reminded her "Don't worry, I'll catch 'em if I have to."

The pony and the human seemed wrapped up in some sort of song, sung in a strange language neither pony had ever heard before. Occasionally they would make dance-step-like movements. Movements that brought them ever closer to the springboard. There they were... on the threshold...!

They stopped.

Raydence stood still as a pole and asked Surprise "What was the next line?"

"Hmmm..." the pegasus thought a moment, "You know, I can't quite remember. I think we've lost the groove on this one."

"I guess we have. Next time, let's sing in English."

"Whatever mood strikes you."

Then they just stood there, still as statues, long enough for Dash to mumble "Come on, step on it already!"

Then Raydence asked "You wanna step on the springboard or should I?"

That's when Rainbow Dash lost it: "Now wait just a doggone minute! How in the hay did you know!? I mean look at it! It's so well hid--" and Dash made the mistake of actually sitting on the springboard, which launched her up and right into Raydence's arms. Apparently, having a pony launched at you only staggers you back a bit, for Raydence was still standing. Then he scruffled Dashie's mane and said "Aww Rainbow, I never knew you were such a huggy pony!"

"I am not a huggy pony!" Rainbow Dash forced herself free of his grasp, shook her hoof and flew to behind a shrub to nurse her pride. As for Pinkie, she approached Surprise and said "How you know?"

"Situational Awareness," Surprise answered.

"You say that before! What it mean?"

"Just what it says: being aware of your situation, and looking out for anything odd. Like for example, a suspicious, square-shaped bump in the road, and an aroma of rainclouds and cake when its not raining and we're nowhere near a bakery." Surprise caught her breath, "Why don't you two just come to Fluttershy's with us? I'm sure she'd appreciate the company."

Pinkie turned the thought over in her mind. "Well... I ask Dash if--DASHIE!" Pinkie suddenly pulled Dash out from behind the shrub and tried to push her away, all the time shouting "Run, run!"

"Oww! Pinkie Pie, what's wrong with you?"

"You see it? Big scary blue thing?"

"I don't see any..." and then Dash's voice lost all its irritation and anger. There was a sigh, and Dash said "It's just another ghost, Pinkie."

Raydence went to check on the two ponies. He picked Pinkie up and stroked her mane (Pinkie Pie was the only pony he'd met so far who liked being treated like this) and asked Rainbow Dash "She sees ghosts?"

"Yeah. Ever since her accident."

"Ah," Raydence's response was barely audible, and he was more concerned with calming Pinkie down. For of all the ghosts Pinkie had seen so far, this had been the scariest. Even though the spectre had passed, Pinkie had trouble getting that visage out of her head: that mane of snakes, those eyes of blood, the horrible blue aura, the ragged clothes that came to life as blades... it looked like an utterly corrupted human being.

Because Pinkie couldn't let go, she and Dash wound up accompanying Raydence and Surprise to Fluttershy's place. Surprise greeted "Hey Fluttershy, sorry we're late, but these two tried to prank me."

"Oh, you two!" Fluttershy spoke in a tone of a mother rolling her eyes at troublesome-but-not-bad children, but then she saw Pinkie clutching tightly to Raydence's chest and asked "What's wrong?"

Rainbow Dash sighed and said "Oh, its no big deal. Just another ghost." For her insensitivity, she got a mane-scruffle from the man, whose hand she had to bat away.

Besides Pinkie herself, at least two others were taking this seriously: Fluttershy and Surprise both looked at Pinkie with worry. Fluttershy wondered if Pinkie would like some tea, meanwhile Surprise looked out the window, as if hoping to see what Pinkie had seen. And yet, Pinkie's biggest comfort came not from her living friends, but from an ectoplasmic one...

from atop her head, Discord whispered "Psst, Pinkie Pie! Don't worry about it! That blue thing was just the spirit of some dumb old human who lost a fight awhile ago. All she does is walk around looking angry. She can't hurt anypony."

"R-really?" Pinkie asked.

"Really what?" Raydence answered, not sure who Pinkie was talking to, and Pinkie was suddenly aware her words had drawn attention to her. She quickly covered it up:

"N-nothing! Pinkie was just talking to self!" Then she went silent, and unbeknownst to all others this was because Discord was whispering in her ear. A smile formed on her face, which all who saw took to mean she was coming down off the terrifying sight she had seen in the forest. When it was finally time to leave, she bounced along merrily, as was her wont. Only Rainbow Dash suspected there might be something more to it, but her attempts to find out what it was, yielded no results.

What Discord had said was "I have an excellent idea for a prank! But I need you to summon me."

Now, back in the privacy of her room, Pinkie conspiratorially whispered "How Pinkie do that?"

"Oh, just a small matter of saying my name three times--"

"Discord Discord Discord!"

"--Not that one. My true name."

"So what is it?"

Here Discord became hesitant, and avoidive. "Well... you see... it's not that simple. I have to make a game of it. You like games, don't you?"

"Yes yes yes yes yes--"

"Good girl! Now... hmmm..." Discord waved his left hand, and above it appeared an image of a dragon. Then he waved his right hand and the image of a man kissing something appeared. Pinkie puzzled over the images for just a second.

"Dragon... kiss?"

"Warm."

"Dragon... mankissing?"

"Colder."

"Serpentmankissing?"

"Very cold."

"Okay, Pinkie think...." and Pinkie tapped her head as if that would help her think. "...Oh, maybe Pinkie no can do thanks to injury."

"You were warm just a minute ago! Keep it up, babe!"

"Dragonkiss?"

"Tried that, but warm." Discord added an extra image between the dragon and the man kissing, this one of the "Men's" sign.

"Dragonmankiss!" Pinkie declared, feeling for sure she must have it, until Discord shook his head. With a sigh, the creature of myth changed the middle image, to just a picture of a knee. "Dragonkneekiss?"

"SO CLOSE!" Discord shouted, and all the images disappeared and the creature fell onto his knees. "So close, Pinkie. So close."

"What wrong? Why stop game?"

"Because it's hopeless. Your pronounciation can't be just 'close' it has to be spot-on! Unfortunately I can't tell you what parts you're saying wrong or I become something that wouldn't help very much."

"Oh..." Pinkie cast her head down, rested her chin on her forehooves, while Discord slumped to a sitting position.

All the sudden, the pink pony of pluckiness bounced back to all fours! "I know!" she said, "We look it up in dictionary! Come on!"

That very moment, Pinkie trotted out the door with Discord on her back, off to the one place she knew had a dictionary: Twilight Sparkle's library. Within moments, Twilight was amazed that Pinkie was putting so much effort into research, but Pinkie payed little attention to Twilight, only explaining "I need know something very quick." So she opened it to the Ds, and looked at any word that began with a d and an r. "Come on, Dragon Knee Kiss! Where are you?"

"Are you looking up the Draconequis?"

Twilight Sparkle had asked, and no sooner had she spoken than Discord made a reaction of extreme pleasure, and Pinkie Pie knew she had found the word she sought. Smiling, Pinkie said "What you say?"

"I said, are you looking for things about the Draconequis?"

Discord made a slight hiccuping sound, and pleaded in whisper "One more time...!"

"What was that word?"

"Draconequis!" Twilight blurted it out, getting irritated at Pinkie's hearing.

"YES!" Discord cried out, and shockingly even Twilight Sparkle heard him--and why wouldn't she? For now, Discord was manifest. And he was no longer a small, harmless lizard, but an easily nine-feet-tall version of himself. Pinkie bounced bounced BOUNCED with joy, until she saw Twilight backing away and shaking her head with worry.

"Oh no... no no no..." Twilight muttered. "Pinkie, what have I done?"

And Discord guffawed, "And now, Pinkie, you wanted to see pranks? Oh... how about I do this!" and with the wave of his hand, the books all flew off the shelves and danced in the air in circles, triangles, butterfly outlines. "Oh, this feels so good..." and then Discord wiggled a finger and a table began to dance. Soon, the entire tree was shaking! Twilight Sparkle, seeking escape, ran to the door... and found out the reason for the shaking: the library was walking!

"Discord!" Pinkie cried out, "Stop!"

"What, and spoil my fun?"

Pinkie's ears drooped. All this trouble, and it was all her fault. There was only one thing she could think to do:

"Draconequis Drac--" all the sudden a bandage appeared over her mouth, and Discord jeered "I'm afraid not, my dear!"

"Draconequis D--" Twilight Sparkle threw her chips into the ring with that cry, but she too found herself conveniently gagged. The two girls glanced at each other, wondering how they were supposed to stop this monster now...

"Draconequis!"

Discord had been in the middle of a dance of joy when he stopped mid-step. That was it, the final utterance. His power was fading away. He was melting, melting! And melt he did... into vapors, which when cleared, revealed him to have become the little lizard again.

The cause of his undoing had been Spike, who had just walked in on the mess and had happened to overhear the girls calling the creature's name.

"Man, what is that thing?" Spike asked as he picked up the lizard-ghost.

Twilight Sparkle explained "Discord--that's what we call him to avoid using the other D-word--is a creature of chaos who, a thousand years ago, nearly destroyed all of Equestria. In desperation, the ponies called upon the Elements of Harmony. However, the element-bearers also took pity on the creature, knowing that he was so destructive because he had been cut down too early in life. It was they who made the summoning rules, on the off-chance that Discord might find friends one day and so, be redeemed." Twilight Sparkle glared at the little creature, "But I suppose that hasn't happened yet."

"Stupid lizard!" Pinkie banged the ground with both her forehooves, nearly close enough to smush the small thing. Then she ran into a different room and cried. In between her expulsions and sobs, she was just barely aware of having company, so she explained "He say he help play prank on Surprise. I know him for whole week, thought could trust. He.... He a meanie!"

Then somepony put a hoof on her head, and Pinkie knew without looking that it was her favorite purple unicorn, coming to give her love and condolences. Pinkie didn't know if she wanted them or not. Then her ears picked up the sound of three more sets of hooves, and what sounded like Rainbow Dash's voice saying "What's going on?" and then Surprise's voice saying "We saw the tree dancing... hey, what's with the goofy-looking lizard?"

Pinkie Pie finally managed to look. Dashie, Twilight, Spike, Surprise and Raydence had all come to check out the situation, and they could all see Discord, even as he was trying to hide behind the leg of a table. Spike was going after him, intent on a clobbering.

Twilight explained the story of Discord and his history to the visitors, and then told them "It appears Discord tricked Pinkie Pie into trusting him."

"Pinkie stupid!" Pinkie cried out, and her sobs rent the air around her.

Unknown to her, Discord glanced her way and those who noticed saw he looked... a little guilty. Shortly thereafter, he said "Look, you've all got it wrong! I really was going to help her play a prank! It's just that, I wanted to test my powers first, see if I could get that old groove back! Put yourself in my shoes, being locked away for a thousand years and unable to do the things you could! Wouldn't you go a little crazy if you were suddenly freed?"

"Shut up!" Spike said as he caught the creature in his fist.

As if hoping for sympathy, Discord looked at Surprise and said "Like you! If your wings suddenly worked, you'd fly all over the place, wouldn't you?"

"Maybe." Just as Surprise's answer got a gawk from Spike, she added "But that doesn't mean we believe you."

Raydence knelt down and held his hand out to recieve the spectre. Turning Discord over in his hand, Raydence said almost to himself: "So this is what holding a ghost feels like... So, what do we do with him?"

"Squish him!" Pinkie Pie cried out.

"Isn't he already dead?" Raydence asked casually.

Surprise grabbed Discord and turned him over in her hooves. "Haven't you been saying you need fresh meat?"

While the others turned Discord over in their hands and hooves, Twilight Sparkle turned the question of disposal over in her head. She finally decided "Well, like it or not, he's already both dead and under a magical bind, so its not like there's much more we can do to him. Just make sure not to say his true name, that's all. And since only myself, Pinkie and Spike know it, that should be easy."

"But... but... but!" Discord began to complain, but no buts could come from him. He had no argument, no cards left. Nothing to do but sit there and sigh. To Pinkie Pie, that was less than he deserved.

And so, for the next two days, all was normal. All except for Discord's constant nagging. "Please, Pinkie! Give me another chance!" he would say, but Pinkie Pie would pretend not to hear him. She went about her days, baking, playing with friends, making visits, and not once did she even acknowledge the little lizard was there. The others who could see him followed in Pinkie's lead and refused to acknowledge him, to the point where they had almost actually forgotten he was there. As for Pinkie herself, she was growing accustomed to seeing ghosts, and telling them from "real" things, and they began to not bother her much. Even that scary blue phantom in the woods meant almost nothing to her now.

Then came day three...

Pinkie began that day with a definite sense that something was different, but she couldn't quite put her hoof on it. Sugarcube Corner was fine, Ponyville wasn't experiencing any disasters, Rainbow Dash was still Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie was still talking that weird dialect she'd developed. So what was different? It was late in the day when she stood right in the middle of town that she turned and asked "Hey, Discord--"

Well, wait a minute, where was the little guy? For all this time he had been pestering her day-in and day-out to give him another chance, and now where had he gotten to? For some reason, the fact that she didn't know the answer worried Pinkie greatly, and she immediately decided to tell Twilight. But the purple unicorn didn't think much of it: "Maybe its for the best. In his current state there's not much he can do, except..." that's when she had a change of heart, "On second thought, maybe we better find him."

"Can still see him?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, not naturally. Ghosts are only visible to those without special sight if they have a large ectoplasmic buildup. By now he's probably invisible to most ponies again. But my genius has come through again! Behold, the ghost-tracking monocle! When I wear this, I can see ghosts just like you! Hey, that black-maned stallion is quite a hunk, right?"

Pinkie and Twi shared a giggle at this little joke, and then they were out the door seeking a little lizard with a goat's head. They looked high and low, east and west, from one side of Ponyville to the other when Twilight Sparkle suddenly just stopped and gaped at something. "Pinkie!" Twilight tapped her friend's shoulder and turned the pink pony's head toward the sight. And what was at the edge of town?

"Hey, Fluttershy!" Pinkie waved, and bounced happily as her yellow friend came over to greet her. But in mid-bounce, she saw what had scared Twilight so: at the edge of Ponyville was that mysterious blue spectre.

Fluttershy said "Hello Pinkie. Good afternoon Twilight! Is something the matter?" In answer, Twilight Sparkle turned Fluttershy's head towards the ghost and gave her the ghost-seeking monocle. Fluttershy immediately gasped, and hid behind Twilight.

It just happened that at that very moment, Rainbow Dash was coming down from the skies. "Hey, calm down Fluttershy, it's only me!" But when Fluttershy didn't leave her cozy hiding place, Rainbow Dash turned her attention to Twilight Sparkle. But before the blue pegasus could even ask, Twilight offered her the monocle and pointed. "...Wow," was all Dash could say before she abruptly handed the monocle back. "So what ghost is that?"

"The witch..." Fluttershy whispered.

"The witch? The one who you and Surprise totally beat down?"

"Yes!"

Rainbow Dash took the monocle again. "You know, I always wanted to get a closer look at that jerk..." and even as she said this, Dash hovered closer to the specter. Twilight and the others crept close behind her, the purple unicorn cautioning Dash to be careful. Dash, however, was once more throwing caution to the wind. "Hm," the pegasi smirked, "Thought you were so tough, didn't you? Think you're so scary? Actually..." and Dash risked flying right up in the ghost's face. After all, ghosts can't hurt anypony, right? "... You're pretty stupid looking."

And then the ghost of Glaire the Witch grabbed Rainbow Dash by the neck, and Dash was shocked at her utter inability to break free. She tried kicking the witch, but it was no good... at first, her hooves hit nothing, but then Glaire became more solid, and she felt like stone...

"Oh no..." Fluttershy gasped out.

Twilight Sparkle looked on in amazement. "She's absorbing Rainbow's life force to strengthen her own ectoplasmic manifestation... but she shouldn't be able to touch Dash in the first place!" Then Pinkie Pie gasped, Twilight glanced at her, then glanced at what Pinkie was looking at, and there, tied around Glaire's neck, was the answer: Discord, looking like he had the soul drained out of him, dangling limp from a small cord.

Pinkie Pie launched herself at Glaire, and unfortunately bounced off into the dirt without having done a thing to help either Discord or Rainbow Dash. Nevertheless, a second later Glaire dropped Dash to the ground, leaving the blue pegasus to groan in pain and look like she was barely alive. By this point, a small crowd had gathered, and ponies were all asking "What's going on?" Pinkie Pie barely had the strength to answer, and Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy had all they could do just pulling Dash to safety.

And yet, Twilight Sparkle couldn't pull fast enough. She suddenly found herself yanked off her feet, demonic hands around her neck. She heard the witch's voice whisper "A unicorn... and this one has exceptional aura..." Pinkie struggled to her feet. She knew she and she alone had to save Twilight Sparkle...

All the sudden, Twilight Sparkle was pulled free from the witch's grasp and into the arms of a completely different human, this one friendly, and familiar, and even though she couldn't quite tell without seeing his eyes, he looked like he was ready to kill someone.

Without further words, Raydence let Twilight go, stepped just a bit closer to the witch. All was still for a second, like a stare-down of epic proportions was going on...

And then Raydence threw a punch.

He missed! WAIT! As his fist whizzed past the witch's head, he opened his hand and grabbed her hair. Latching onto it with full force, he pulled the witch down until she was doubling over. Then, his knee came up as hard as it could right into the hag's nose! The force was such that she fell backwards, and a handful of her hair stayed in Raydence's clenched fist...

"Nice going, Ray," said Surprise, "I'll take it from here."

"No," he said to his owner, "You ponies get to be cool all the time. Just once, I want to do something awesome!"

The man and his owner exchanged glances. Then, they exchanged smiles.

Then the witch got up.

Fluttershy called out "Raydence! Destroy her Contract Stone!"

But Surprise called back "We already did that! This witch isn't being backed by a demon, she's supplying herself with the spiritual aura of the creatures around her!"

Raydence barely had time to hear any of this. The witch attacked full force with a sword of blood that came from nowhere, a slash so fast it was a miracle he managed to dodge it twice. The third time, not so lucky, but only because he was aiming his fist at her chin. The strike connected, but seemed to barely bother Glaire at all.

Especially after she blasted a ball of magic right in the human's gut. As the man who had stepped up to be Ponyville's hero fell backward, things seemed to go into slow motion, the pound as he hit the ground seemed to echo across the distant mountains and drag on forever, and it seemed like inertia would never catch up to him. Only when he finally stopped, did Fluttershy asked "Then, there's no way to beat her?"

Pinkie Pie had watched everything, just barely managing to stay on four hooves. She had thought of attacking, but had seen that was useless. She had watched the fight, and seen Raydence fall. Then, she looked and say Discord again...

...It was the only way.

"Draconequis!" Yes! It was working! Discord glowed! He moved! "Draconequis!" she called out again, just as Glaire turned towards and reached for her. Pinkie didn't try to run, she just called out one last time: "Draconequis!"

And somewhere in the universe, an iconic Danny Elfman tune started playing...

As for Discord, all his magical aura was back, he was moving, he was alive again! Or, as he put it "IT'S SHOWTIME!!!"

And the first thing the creature of myth and legend did was grow his head really big, and eat Glaire. A gulp and a lip-lick later, he declared "Problem solved!"

Silence descended upon the town, as everypony stood there and stared at the... thing that had, to all appearances, just saved them. One unicorn in the crowd asked "What is that thing?"

But Discord was too tired to answer. He plopped down flat on his belly. Whether unintentionally or not, his face was toward Pinkie Pie. He looked at her and said "For some reason I’m so worn out...” Pinkie didn’t think about it, she just gave her lovable Discord a big ol’ hug...

Then suddenly he pushed her away and grabbed at his own stomach! What was wrong? What was happening? It was... some sort of demon aura surrounded him! The creature looked as though he were having a heart attack!

“She must be absorbing his aura from within!” Surprise guessed. “Quick, unsummon him!”

Pinkie nodded, and tried, but just as the first syllable left her mouth a great wind started and flung her smack into one of Ponyville’s many homes! She stayed conscious, but barely had the breath to breath. And all the while, Discord fought the battle with himself, trying to suppress the witch who was in turn trying to conquer him, everypony knowing that if the witch won, she’d be unstoppable...

Everypony, everyhuman, every bird and bee and other thing within hearing range was surprised by how the battle ended:

Discord raised his voice to the air, and shouted his own name, three times.

The instant seemed to last forever, time almost stood still. Moment after moment, ponies couldn’t quite comprehend what had just happened. Wind and thunder and dark magic were there one minute, and yet like a light switch getting flicked, the day was a normal, sunny day again. What had happened? Where were the ghosts?

Pinkie Pie could barely stand, so Twilight Sparkle and Surprise came to her side, and the pink one asked: “Did he just...?”

“... Sacrifice himself for us?” Surprise finished the question for her, and looked at the now-empty scene. “Yeah, I think he did.”

Across the way, Rainbow Dash was getting up, supported by Fluttershy. Pinkie realized that left one unaccounted for... and so did Surprise. In the middle of the battlefield, Raydence lay with his arms sprawled, not moving. And Surprise teared up when she saw that in his left hand, he still clutched the witch’s hair. It occured to her, all at once, that...

“You stupid human, you didn’t need to do that...” she said in a low, sobbing voice. “You can get up now,” Surprise added, and when that got no answer, she shouted “Dammit Raydence, wake up or I’ll never forgive you!”

“Ease up!” Raydence said, “I’m awake, okay?”

And the old white pegasus looked a little taken aback, like she had seriously expected him to be a goner. She blinked once, twice... and then she smiled.... and then she laughed and hugged her favorite human a whole huggy-wuggy bunch! And the human hugged his favorite pegasus a whole huggy-wuggy bunch too! Then he remembered himself and offered Surprise the locke of witch’s hair.

Surprise looked at it, licked up precisely one strand, and radiated a glow for an instant. “Nasty tasting,” she commented without displaying any disgust, “But it works.” Yet Raydence realized she wasn’t going to eat it, and he already knew why--as he proved when he offered it to Rainbow Dash.

“What for?” the blue pegasus asked.

“Well, let’s say a little bit will age you backwards a day. You weren’t in pain yesterday, right?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess so...” Rainbow Dash considered the dish, thought about it... and then picked out only a few small strands for herself. A brief glow later, and the pegasus was a day younger and fit as a newly-made fiddle. Rainbow Dash jumped in the air and flew a few circles, enjoying her heath. Then as she came down, she cast a meaningful glance at Pinkie Pie, and asked “Think this is enough to age her back to before her accident?”

“Couldn’t hurt to try,” the good human agreed, and brought the remainder of the locke to the pony of pinkness, who was even now laying down and trying to recover her strength. She had heard the conversation, she knew what this was for. She ate, not the whole locke, but one or two hairs at a time, glowing faintly again and again. As the minutes went backwards for her body, she felt her health and energy renewed, and then she was eating on her feet, and then... she stopped.

“Is this enough?” Pinkie Pie asked when the witch’s hairs were almost used up.

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash both payed a lot of attention to her, and Twilight Sparkle said “Pinkie... say something.”

“Sure! What do ya wanna know? Oh, hey, since we just defeated witchiepoo again, let’s have a PARTY!”

“Oh Pinkie!” The pinkness found herself glomped by both sides, and just as she was about to ask, she noticed she saw no more ghosts... and when Pinkie asked “What’s going on?” she realized her dialect was gone... that was it! Her brain damage was cured! Or rather, it had never even happened!

“Raydence,” Twilight Sparkle asked, “Mind if I... keep the rest of that hair? I’d like to study it.”

Raydence gave it a moment of thought, and glanced at Surprise for the answer. The white pegasus answered “Sure, why not? That much isn’t enough to help me anyway.”

The ponies crowded around could tell that the show was over. The ghost-witch was gone, that strange dragon thing was gone, and now they were just picking up the pieces. Some ponies offered help, but others, seeing that the situation was well in hoof, just went back to their business. The whole incident made newspapers the next day, but it remained only in the back of most ponies' minds. Glaire would come to seem like a joke months later, when the second witch showed up.

But in the meantime, Pinkie Pie went back to normal. Talking, running, bouncing, playing... but she couldn't help wishing that someday, somehow, Discord would return.

Dear Princess Celestia,

This week I've had a glimpse of a world I never knew, the... World Beyond the World, I guess. Where spirits and demons live, unseen by most ponies. It's a world I'm not sure I want to see any closer, but I can't help being fascinated! Oh, and we met somebody you might know: Discord, the Draconequis. He's... gone now. Said his own name to defeat a ghost witch. I only hope he reincarnated as something he likes.

Surprise and Raydence let me keep a sample of the witch's hair, which can make you young again. I'm keeping half of it for independent study and I've included the other half, should you wish to have the Canterlot labs check it out. It's a complete mystery to me. I've seen its effect work--we used some to cure Pinkie Pie's brain damage--but all my tests indicate its not magical at all. Surprise hopes to find a witch with long hair some day. She REALLY wants to be young again, for some reason. I keep forgetting to ask why, though its probably none of my business.

But the lesson I've taken home from all of this is that the more you find out, the more you're aware of how really complicated the world is. Ponies always think there's some cosmic order to things and everything makes sense. Maybe it does, but until we crack the code, none of us will ever see how.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

~See you next Scene!~

Scene 5 - Blueblood Hunts the Wumpus
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Surprise Days

Scene 5 - Blueblood Hunts the Wumpus

~Surprise Days~

by NoGiantRobots1983

Scene 5

Blueblood Hunts the Wumpus

~Let's Begin!~

"Lady Rarity..."

Blueblood stood on a cliff overlooking Ponyville. It was a beautiful sunny day, and the noon sun glistened on the bodies of all the mares out and about. A quaint little place, to be sure, but it had its rustic charms. "Somewhere in there," Blueblood said to himself, "my beautiful lady Rarity awaits!" With a sigh, Blueblood turned towards his golden carriage and told his drivers to resume.

His plan was simple. Scrumple his hair a bit, roll in the dirt a little, and make it look like he had walked from Canterlot to Ponyville. He would act weak and pathetic. He would pledge that he had come on his arduous journey just to ask for Rarity's hoof in marriage. She would see his devotion, and be so taken in that she'd agree on the spot! It was perfect! All right.... hair... dirt... weak act... now for the final part! Blueblood knocked, and immediately slumped to the ground and breathed heavily.

The door opened, and immediately Blueblood sprung into his act! "Oh Lady Rarity, you can see how I've suffered an arduous journey! With my last breath I ask you now, will you accept my hoof in marriage?"

"You're talking to the wrong pony."

What was that? Lady Rarity's voice was higher than usual. In fact, where was she?

"Down here."

Oh. A little white unicorn filly was there, giving him an absolutely perplexed look.

"What? Who are you? Where is Lady Rarity?"

"She's busy right now. I'm her sister, Sweetie Belle, and... you said something about 'an arduous journey'?"

"That's right! I walked all the way from Canterlot! I'm weak, I'm suffering from lack of nourishment! And all for your sister's hoof--"

"Then that isn't your carriage?" Sweetie Belle pointed out.

Blueblood turned around with a gasp, and swiftly ran to tell his couriers to leave and he would find them later. Once they were gone, he said, "Now, child, go get your sister and I will try again."

Sweetie Belle looked on with a cocked eyebrow. "Are you sure? I don't think this is gonna work."

But Blueblood would not be discouraged! He quickly scruffled his hair just a bit more, then he rolled into the ground just a bit more, and then he layed down on his stomach like he had collapsed just a bit more. "Now," Blueblood said, "please fetch Lady Rarity."

Suddenly somepony stepped on his back, followed by another pair of feet. He heard, before he saw, Sweetie Belle say "Hey Surprise, hey Raydence, what's up?"

Blueblood recovered his vision and saw... what was that tall creature? Looked quite simple, whatever it was. Blueblood had never really cared to learn about the different animal species that populated the planet, so he figured there were plenty he didn't know about. This was simply another one on his "Don't know, don't care" pile. He turned his attention to the mare, a dusty white pegasus, youthful in some ways but clearly getting on in years.

The pegasus said, "Not much, just seeing if Rarity would design a human outfit. That one isn't quite servicable." Indeed it wasn't. Rips and tears everywhere, the pockets little more than ribbons. Then the pegasus glanced at the prince, "By the way, do you have a new welcome mat?"

"Oh, that's just some guy who wants to marry my sister."

Blueblood jumped to his hooves. "I am not just some guy! I am Prince Blueblood of Canterlot, also the Duke of Overbear, Chairman of the Board of Tirades, and--OW! What did you do that for?"

Surprise watched the small puncture she had made before spitting out the sharp stick she had made it with. "Just wanted to see if your blood really was blue."

"Attacking a royal person! That's high treason, I could--" Blueblood blustered and boiled all he could manage, but it was all undone by that glance, that one glance that this strange white pegasus with a green mane cast at him. It wasn't anger, it wasn't fear, it was... complete disinterest! It was the look you get when you're telling a bad joke, and the audience wants you to shut up. By Celestia, what kind of pony was this, who would or even could deliver such a look to a pony of his noble personage?

"Eh." Surprise turned around and began investigating the shop. "So anyway Raydence, what do you think--"

"Now just a minute!" Blueblood rushed in the store, stood in front of Surprise and her human (did he hear its name right, Ray--something?) "I don't know who you are, but I do know you're contaminating Lady Rarity's boutique! Look at you, hooves all dirty! And that thing is wearing shoes indoors! You'll track mud all over--"

"AHEM!" Sweetie Belle got his attention, and she indicated with her hoof that indeed dirt had been tracked in... by Blueblood. The Prince stared at the evidence, and met the 'you were saying?' gazes of the ponies and the tall creature. He responded in the only way his nature knew how: to poise arrogantly and purposefully leave the store, only dropping his head in shame when nopony could see.

"So," There was that Ray-something creature, right beside him. Gosh was that thing quick, "What's the story with you? What's a prince doing in a store in a country town?"

Sweetie Belle answered, "He wants to marry my sister!"

Then Surprise was beside the prince. "Well, he's got a lot of work to do. Even if he is a Prince, Rarity would never want a vagrant like this!"

"I am no vagrant! I only did myself up like this--AHEM--I mean, I have been on an arduous journey--"

"He came here in a carriage then rolled around in the dirt for some reason," Sweetie Belle interrupted.

Surprise slapped Prince Blueblood, and declared "First Demerit, you're bad at lying!"

"Ow! Striking a Prince is High Treason--"

"Second Demerit!" Surprise struck him again, and then said "Look boy, the mare in there doesn't like prissy little foals who can't take the heat, she likes stallions! Real, vivacious, living men! Now either you're gonna be a little boy not worthy of leaving your mama's nursery for the rest of your life, or you're going to become the pony she deserves! You just gotta ask yourself one question: How much do you want Rarity?"

"Oh, very much!"

"Enough to become a man?" Surprise asked with a cynical, testing glare.

"Enough to become a man!" Blueblood answered proudly.

"Enough to climb the highest mountains?" Sweetie Belle added with her own cynical glare.

"Enough to climb the highest mountains!" Blueblood responded with dignity.

"Enough to hunt the Wumpus?" Raydence added finally, and was unable to contribute a cynical glare due to how his mane covered his eyes, but Blueblood imagined one anyway.

"Yes!" Blueblood declared, "Just point me at that Wumpus! I will hunt it down for the love of Lady Rarity!"

Surprise held a hoof up high, "Hi-ho!"

"Hi-Ho!" responded Raydence and Sweetie Belle in kind.

"Hi-Ho?" Prince Blueblood questioned.

"Third Demerit!" Smack! went Surprise's hoof again, "Rarity is a very demanding mare! You have to think fast and feel faster! Get with the program, Princey! Hi-Ho!"

"Hi-Ho!" Raydence and Sweetie Belle went again, and this time Blueblood joined them with full-blooded enthusiasm.

Within twenty minutes, his enthusiasm was drained. The Everfree Forest was not easy to traverse. All these prickly leaves and horrid vines everywhere, Blueblood was sure he would need the greatest royal bath in history! His regal shirtpiece--one of the finest in the land--was getting so badly done that he was sure he'd have to discard it and buy a new one. And he was already tired, and sweating. Blueblood hated sweating!

How in all Equestria were these two mares--one a mere foal--and some strange bipedal creature able to handle it so well? They barely looked perturbed at all! That foal was the reason Blueblood kept on. It would be a shame to him if he were shown up by a mere child!

And yet, he couldn't help feeling shown up anyway.

"I say!" Blueblood stopped to ask, "What is a wumpus anyway?"

"A big, furry creature that could easily whump us," Surprise answered, turning her head back with a smirk. "Getting cold hooves?"

"N-no. Of course not! Lead on!"

Why did he get the feeling that the girls were giggling at his expense?

The forest seemed to grow thicker the further in they went, and Blueblood didn't like how dark it was getting. It wasn't night falling, but just the foliage getting so thick that it just about achieved the same end.

"I say," Blueblood looked for an excuse to complain, "Is it really wise to bring a foal with us? This is a job for grownups, is it not?"

Sweetie Belle turned with a sweet smile. "That's right! So you leave all the hard work to us grown-ups while you be a good little boy!"

"Do not condescend to me, child! I am Prince Blueblood!"

Then Surprise put a hoof over his mouth, and said "Don't yell or you'll scare the wumpus away!"

Blueblood shook his head. "No, this is an outrage! An old pegasus and a mere child are telling me, a prince, what to do! It's unheard of! It goes against everything I know--!"

The human creature was looking ahead with binoculars. "Ummm, might want to keep it down."

"Why should I?"

"Because I just spotted the wumpus."

The minute Raydence finished talking, he was up a tree and the mare and the foal were into the bushes and out of sight. The whole thing happened so fast that Blueblood didn't quite catch it, and he turned in circles calling out "Surprise? Sweetie Belle? Ray-thing? Anypony? Oh please... don't abandon me!" And yet, to all appearances, they had. Not a sound could be heard, save for the chirping of strange birds, and the rattling of twigs in the brush, and snarls from animals he could not name.

What was that growl?

Oh gosh, what was that growl?

Blueblood's fear was so great that he immediately scrambled up a tree, and hugged one of the big branches. He was so busy hoping nothing would get him up here that he didn't stop to ask how he had been able to climb the tree in the first place.

"Hey."

Blueblood jumped, and nearly fell off his precious limb before he regained his senses and hugged the limb with all his might. He risked looking around and discovered that, by some coincidence, he and the human creature had climbed the same tree! The human was far more calm than Blueblood was: his balance was perfect, even as he sat with his legs hanging off the branch, he never looked like he was about to lose it and tumble.

Blueblood asked, "D-d-do you s-s-see anything?"

"Nope."

And after a quick glance around, the human jumped down. Just casually jumped, as if he didn't give a whit about the height! In fact, he landed gracefully and seemed unhurt. Blueblood could only guess that this creature had unusual strength. "Sir!" Blueblood called. "Would... would you mind..." oh dear, this was embarrassing. Yet he asked anyway, "Would you mind... catching me?"

Without a vocal nor a hint of hesitation, the human held his arms out, and Blueblood jumped into them and was lifted gently to the ground.

"Thank you, my good man!"

Surprise walked past the Prince just then, wearing a duly unimpressed face. "A real man wouldn't have needed catching." Sweetie Belle chuckled somewhere behind him.

Real man indeed! Blueblood puffed his chest up, determined to prove he was a courageous prince! He bound ahead of Surprise and said "From now on, I lead this expedition! Tally ho!" With affected gusto, Blueblood marched deeper into the woods. He got the feeling that the man and two mares hesitated before following behind him, but just as long as they were close behind, he had no reason to worry. That Wumpus was his! Rarity was his!

Say...

"Begging your pardon, Miss Surprise," Blueblood turned and looked back, "But what exactly does the wumpus have to do with Lady Rarity?"

Surprise did not answer, and as Blueblood gazed at her he became aware that she was looking past him. He glanced at the face of young Sweetie Belle and she, too, seemed horrified by something. Something that was immediately behind him. With a gulp, Blueblood turned and looked...

A big, hairy creature was there! Its eyes, little black beads of death! Its teeth, sharp lances that shined like ivory! Its claws, ebony that existed to bring ponies to their maker! Its fur--of which it had plenty--was as red as blood! The sheer size of this creature would shame many of the homes in Canterlot! Blueblood could not see its hind legs, for he was getting a good look at its front legs! Those seemed more like great, big arms! The paws, four digits apiece, were large enough to squash him flat! Or rather, to whump him!

This was it! This was the Wumpus!

Sweetie Belle screamed, and when he heard that shrill squeal of terror Blueblood could not help joining in. All his pride, all his reserves of composure could not help him keep it together! The fear was maddening!

Blueblood turned around and ran, stopping only to fling Sweetie Belle onto his back before dashing off in whatever direction was away. Blueblood thought this was the trail back to Ponyville, but what did he know of tracking? He just trusted his instinct, and his memory. Oh, balderdash! He didn't really care where he wound up so long as he escaped the Wumpus!

"Hey hey hey!"

At Sweetie Belle's cry the veil of fear began to shred. Blueblood kept his speed up for another few yards, but he soon realized he was panting, and his heart beating like it had never beat before. He slowed to a canter, then to a step, and then finally Blueblood stopped moving altogether, and fell flat on his stomach. Sweetie Belle jumped from his back and looked at him with amazement.

"You... saved me."

"I did?"

"You did." For some reason, Blueblood didn't bother to look when he heard Surprise's voice. It just seemed right that she was almost right behind him. Besides, he was too tired. Surprise put a hoof on his back, gently massaged him. "I got to admit, that was unexpected. I mean I knew you'd bolt, but that you'd stop to help somepony..."

Sweetie Belle smiled and hugged Blueblood's face, and said, "Thank you so much!"

"You're... quite welcome," Blueblood just barely managed to say before the world went black.

When the world came back, Blueblood's first impression was of being somewhere else. His memory told him he should be in a forest, but he wasn't. He was in somepony's home. Richly decorated, and vibrantly colored, it seemed a rather nice place by the looks of it. It could almost have passed for a guest room in Canterlot Castle. For a moment, Blueblood wondered if that's not where he was, and if his trip to Ponyville had not been all a dream. Or perhaps he was still in the forest and this was a dream--no, the aching of his body from all that running would not allow him to believe that.

Somepony had thoughtfully placed a pitcher of water beside the bed. Blueblood lapped up much of it, for he felt incredibly thirsty. Then he thought about his situation some more. Altogether, it seemed as though he was in a friendly place, wherever it was. The only thing that gave him clues were the rolls of fabric on the shelves and the mannequins near the window. Blueblood chose not to think much about it. His joints needed the rest, so he decided to just laze on the bed. Unable to fall asleep, Blueblood daydreamed.

Twenty minutes later, the door opened. It was Sweetie Belle, coming to deliver a plate of oats. She smiled when she saw he was awake, and put the tray next to the water. Just as she was about to leave, Sweetie Belle looked back, and said, "Thank you again, for saving me."

"You're welcome... again."

"I don't get it... you're nothing like what they said."

Blueblood frowned. He could guess what they said. "Oh, you know, first impressions are often misleading." Blueblood wished he could un-say that, for he realized that could work two different ways.

Sweetie Belle smiled, and said "Well... if you ever give up on Rarity...!" The child blushed, and quickly ran out of the room. It was quite clear what she meant to suggest. Evidently it had taken alot of courage to even get as far as she had, before the embarrassment overwhelmed her. Children were like that. And yet, she had succeeded in leaving a thought in Blueblood's head: If you give up on Rarity... Blueblood sighed, and glanced out the window at the still-sunny sky. He had to admit, his heart was faltering; A part of him truly thought he should give up on Rarity.

Not three seconds after that thought crossed his mind, somepony knocked on the door. "Come in," he called, and the door opened... and the Lady Rarity came in.

"I heard about how you rescued Sweetie Belle... I'm very grateful," Rarity told him.

"Oh, it was... nothing." Blueblood didn't mind being appreciated, but he really wanted to discuss something else. Oh, how to put it...

The look on Rarity's face said she, too, had a question that she was considering. It's no surprise then that they both spoke at the same time.

"I have a--" "Say, Rarity--"

A brief hesitation, then Blueblood said "You first."

Rarity looked down, used her magic to close the door, asked "Just... why did you come to Ponyville?"

Somehow, Blueblood's joints didn't feel as pained now. It seemed like he had to get off the bed, to stand on level ground with Rarity--both figuratively and literally. So he came to the floor, said to her "I came to ask your hoof in marriage. Nothing more, nothing less."

"But... I thought you hated me."

"And I was afraid you would hate me."

Rarity looked up at him with suspicion. "I'm afraid the Gala is still fresh in my mind. This sudden change of heart... it does raise questions."

"I rather suspected it would. Please permit me to explain myself."

"Permission granted."

Blueblood took a deep breath, more to calm himself than because he needed it, for somehow under those piercing eyes he almost felt like he was being interrogated. Perhaps it was because he had spent so long using deceptions and falsehoods that the truth was inherently painful. "The truth is... being a prince has made me cynical about females. I just... every time a mare like yourself shows an interest in me, I'm forced to think they only want my rank and my money. It's soul-crushing to be told that marriage is about true love and hearts finding one another, and then to be faced with the cold reality that for some ponies its merely a business arrangement." Oh, why was she looking at him like that? It was not a look of hatred or anger. It was... guilt? He didn't know why, but that made it worse. Yet he forced himself to finish his story: "Six years ago, several mares tried to court me at the Gala, virtually fighting each other for the privilege. I looked at them and asked them if any of them would care about me if I wasn't a prince. I accused them of being gold-diggers, and insulted them as much as I could. Then I stepped back and saw the pain on their faces and regretted my words.

"But then they all stepped forward, tried to pretend they weren't hurt, and lavished me with false praise about how I was 'so daring' and 'so honest'. That was when I became truly sick of it all, and I kept being obnoxious to the girls well until they stopped calling on me. Then, at the Gala after that, I noticed I had fewer potential suitors. So I kept up my behavior. My intent was to scare away every potential suitor and live my life alone!

"Then you came. And you did something none of the previous girls had. You blew up at me, you called out my behavior in front of all the gathered nobleponies. You sloshed caked on me. Then I heard from another noble that you had destroyed your glass slipper so I would not find you. I realized then, that I had found something I didn't even know existed. A woman who believes in love. You opened my heart, and... and... Oh Rarity, will you marry me?"

Why was there water in her eyes? It did not seem like tears of joy. He also noticed that the door was open again, and Rarity was backing towards it. Blueblood was about to ask, but then Rarity said "I'm sorry, but... you don't know me as well as you think."

"Rarity--!"

"I'm a gold-digger too!" And Rarity jumped out the door and closed it behind her.

He heard her steps descend down some stairs and eventually disappear, and as he listened he wondered if he had somehow offended her. She said she was a gold-digger... then she, too, had only been after his money? Or perhaps she meant she had harbored ambitions of becoming a Princess? Was Rarity truly no better than those false mares from previous years? Even as this thought came to his mind he rejected it: he remembered too well how he had heaped abuse on abuse at those other mares, and yet they clung to him like attention-starved babies. Rarity... on the same level as those girls... preposterous!

Blueblood casually glanced out the window, his thoughts empty until he saw Surprise. His feelings on that one were mixed. Clearly she was just a little bit mad, but even so, she had proven something... something Blueblood had trouble putting into a coherent thought. What was it? His mind was unable to form a thing until he saw Rarity come out to join the old pegasus, saw them briefly talk about something. Rarity seemed dressed for travel...

Blueblood jumped out the window, landed clumsily and came to the mares and said "Hold on! Are you going on another adventure already?"

"Yep," Surprise answered. "We saw the Wumpus, but we didn't shave it!"

"Shave it?"

"Yes!" Rarity took over the explanation, "You see, that poor dear gets terribly hot this time of year. So we shave it. In exchange, I keep its furs, which I get to make into limited-edition coats!"

"Plus its a good workout," Surprise added. The human who accompanied her seemed bored and said nothing.

Something in Blueblood's mind clicked, and his next words were almost automatic, "I'd like to come with you."

"Again?" Surprise looked incredulous. "Didn't we just get done saving you?"

"Well... that is... you said this is a good workout, yes? That's what I need! A workout! A stallion should be strong! At least as strong as the mares around him!" Blueblood just barely noticed that last remark got eyerolls from the two mares, and hastily added "I didn't mean--"

"We get it," Surprise stopped him short. "Okay, fine. But if you faint again, we're leaving you. Hi ho!"

"Hi ho!" went Rarity and the human, and this time Blueblood joined in the cry to adventure!

And then, off to hunt the wumpus!

Almost the minute they were in the forest, Blueblood breathed heavily and almost stumbled. This really was a bad idea, but when he saw Surprise cast him an uncertain glance the Prince bucked up and tried his best to hide his lack of strength. If a woman at least twenty years his senior could do it, so could he!

The path inclined upward, evidently indicating a hill. Here Blueblood felt his strength sorely tested, and his legs were beginning to complain. But not his mouth! He would not dare show weakness in the vicinity of Lady Rarity! What kind of husband would he be then? And yet he had the strangest feeling that she was casting sad, worried glances his way. Once he thought he caught such a glance, but she turned her head before he could be sure.

The hill leveled out, and Surprise said "Let's rest a moment." No sooner did Blueblood hear these words than he collapsed and caught his breath. He longed for water, he longed for food. As if sensing this thought, the creature called Raydence picked a fruit from a tree and offered it to the prince. Normally, the prince would reject anything not made in the royal kitchen, but in straights such as these a pony must make sacrifices.

It amazed Blueblood that the girls had such stamina. They stood and sat casually, as if they had done no more than walk around their back yard! Blueblood thought of asking them what their secret was, but realized before he opened his mouth that this would be a show of weakness. He would not dare!

The prince noticed a clear area just ahead and to his right, which seemed to border a downward slant. Blueblood walked to it and looked out over the valley it revealed, like a huge dirt bowl in the middle of Equestria. Wait... there was something odd down there... the Raydence creature was next to him, so Blueblood asked "Sir Raydence, do you see what I see?"

"Yeah... hey Surprise! It looks like there's some sort of golden city down there!"

"Golden city?" Surprise asked as she and Rarity came up beside the men. "Well I'll be! Rarity, have you ever seen that before?"

"Not at all. I've been up this way dozens of times and have never seen anything like it!"

Blueblood declared with enthusiasm, "Then we must investigate! Surprise, why don't you fly back to Ponyville and inform somepony--"

"I can't fly." Surprise cast a glance at the Prince. Blueblood saw that she was trying to open her wings, but they refused to do anything more than wiggle a bit. Apparently Surprise felt he needed more of an explanation than that, for she went on to say "It happened while exploring a cave once. The doctors said the wing-bones would heal, and they did... they just healed the wrong way."

"How terrible! Forced to live as an earth pony!" Blueblood thought he sounded sympathetic, and took him a moment to realize why his comment got such terrible glances from the mares.

Rarity diverted the subject by asking Surprise, "Is that why you want to become young again?"

"Uh-uh. That's... something different." Blueblood wondered what was meant about becoming young again, but Surprise evidently did not like this line of questioning, so she immediately forced a change of subject. "Anyway, I'm rested now. Let's say we go see that golden city!" And before any discussion could be had, Surprise was off, followed by that thing she called her pet. Rarity sighed and followed, and Blueblood trailed behind.

When going up the problem is that its hard to move, when going down the problem is its hard to not move. Therefore Blueblood had no trouble keeping up with the girls. In fact, Blueblood moved so fast that he threatened to tumble every so often. Finally he did tumble into a roll, barreling right past Surprise and her human with absolutely no control until finally he crashed into something that he barreled over. The ground then leveled off, and he looked to see what he had damaged, suspecting maybe a hungry animal.

He saw three giant bees.

Yet these did not look like normal bees. They stood upright, and their form begged comparison to Raydence. In place of the sticklike appendages regular bees have, these had four lower limbs for standing and six upper limbs for other things. The upper limbs all ended in things similar to what Raydence had, which Blueblood seemed to recall were called hands. These "hands" all wore some sort of hand-boot. Blueblood didn't even try to remember what the actual word for "hand-boot" was, because his mind was filled with a word he already knew: Spear. Each of the bee-creatures had one, and they all looked eager to use them!

"M-my apologies, good sirs!" Blueblood swiftly spluttered out, a little too winded from his own experience to think coherently. "I did not mean to barrel into you like that. I tripped and fell, you see--"

"zzzz Silence!" shouted one of the bee-creatures, and all three aimed their spears at the prince. "You are trespassing on Beezzzzzzzoid territory!"

"Please, allow me to explain! I am Prince Blueblood of Canterlot--"

"A prince, huh!" The Beezoids glanced at each other, and the one who seemed to be in charge said "The Queen would want to hear about thiszzzzzz! Come along!"

Such brutality! These beezoids whipped Blueblood's hind with the unpointed end of the spear, hustled him to move along. No respect for his authority, nor his condition! Had these creatures no inkling of what he had just been through? The prince glanced back in time to see the mares and the Raydence creature coming upon the scene. Surprise ran up ahead, and said in a demanding tone "Just a minute there!"

The beezoids turned their spears on her. Yet Surprise didn't seem threatened in the least!

"That's our Prince you've got there! What's the big idea, running off with him?"

"zzzzzWho are you?" The Beezoid asked.

Blueblood was shocked that he himself provided the answer, "These are my honor guards! They go everywhere with me!"

"zzzzzHonor guards! Very well, they must see the Queen tooZzzzzz!"

"Queen, huh." Surprise answered as she and the others allowed these Beezoids to lead them along. Blueblood couldn't help but feel that something dark was going on in that pegasus' mind. It worried him to think that he may soon learn all about it.

The Beezoid City was made entirely of honeycombs, many built around trees, and a few half-open. Blueblood thought they were unfinished at first, but as the look was so consistent and seemed to work to this city's favor, he realized the half-finished design was by choice. In any case, the roofs of these structures were all joined, causing the sun to shine amber light all throughout this little part of the world. Everything was honey and amber here. The roads were amber, the jewelry was amber, even the steps leading up to the Queen's platform were amber.

Blueblood respectfully bowed before the figure of the Queen. She did not look much like the other Beezoids, and indeed resembled more whatever Raydence was. For example, the place where bees keep their stingers was less pronounced on her than on her companions, and she had a thick, golden mane. The rest of her figure was thin, striking yet somehow featureless. She seemed to be wearing clothes, though perhaps that was just strange-looking fur. At the very lead, her amber jewelry was real, but that stone she wore around her neck just clashed! It looked like it was ripped from some rock that had a painting on it. In one of her right hands she held a golden staff.

When she spoke, Blueblood also noticed she lacked the buzzing dialect of her fellow kinsmen.

"You are a prince?" The Queen asked.

"I am, and these are my honor guard. May I ask your name?"

"I am Queen Bathsheba, ruler of the Beezoids! And I demand to know why you have come?"

"Permit me," Rarity spoke. "You see, I come wumpus-hunting in these parts every year. So when I saw there was a city here, I got curious. It's all my fault, really."

"The fault can be forgiven!" answered Queen Bathsheba with a sardonic tone. "After all, you have brought us such a fine bargaining chip!"

"Bargaining chip?" Rarity and Blueblood both asked at once.

The Queen now rubbed her hands. "Just now I puzzled over the question of expanding my Kingdom. Just a little to the southwest is a silly little Pony town that I thought would make an excellent base of operations... were the ponies to be removed! I had thought of doing it by force of arms, but perhaps your dear Princess Celestia will force a mass evacuation for the safe return of one of your beloved Princes!"

And evil laughter resounded throughout the honeycomb--but it didn't come from the Queen! It came from Surprise!

"Oh you stupid, stupid bee!" The pegasus said, barely able to stand due to how funny this whole thing was to her. But all of a sudden Surprise stopped laughing and stood firm. "First off, this is Prince Blueblood. He's not exactly popular. And second, if the ponies in Ponyville had even a hint that some bee was trying to run them out, they'd whip out their pesticides before you knew what hit ya! Six of the most amazing ponies in all Equestria call that place home!"

"That's right!" Rarity declared. "Why, the six ponies who bear the Elements of Harmony all reside in that little town!"

Blueblood rolled his eyes, and wanted to tell Rarity that exaggerations would not help their cause. He stopped himself from doing so because Rarity poised like she honestly believed that story, and in any case it seemed to make an impression on Queen Bathsheba. Would it perhaps be enough information to make her pause in her tracks?

The Queen smiled. "Why yes. I've done a bit of research on your Elements of Harmony. Legend has it that they're the trump card Princess Celestia holds over all her enemies, that they're the reason no invasion has ever been successful. So all six of its bearers live in Ponyville huh? Even more reason to burn it to the ground!"

"And that's the third thing!" Surprise spoke up once again. "Bees can't defeat ponies! Didn't you ever hear what happened to the Bumbles back in Dream Valley?"

Blueblood couldn't guess who the Bumbles were, and he had only heard vague legends about Dream Valley--a kingdom neighboring Equestria's southeastern border which mostly kept to itself and thus was the least troublesome of the other countries in the world--but the mention of these things called a pallor to Queen Bathsheba's face. She tapped her staff against the amber floor, pointed at Surprise and said "As a matter of fact, I knew the Bumbles! Queen Bumble was my sister! And the way I heard it was she drove an entire race of ponies to exctintion!"

"That's true! Sundancer, Morning Glory, and all the Flutter Ponies," And there was something very dark about the way Surprise said this, "But you didn't hear the final part of that story, how the rest of Ponykind took revenge. Your sister and her entire clan were eradicated!"

"I know that!" Bathsheba was mad now, "If I hadn't been away on a scouting expedition...! But that's enough! I am Queen now, and in place of the Bumbles will rise the Beezoids! First we will conquer Equestria and then claim revenge on Dream Valley!"

"Or you will give me that half of the Sunstone you wear around your neck so I can take it back to Flutter Valley where it belongs, and I may decide not to kill you."

Blueblood couldn't help glancing around in fear now. Hundreds of Beezoids all around, and this paltry party of four right in their midst, and this crazy pegasus was threatening their Queen? By Celestia, she was truly mad! The Raydence creature seemed to think so too, for he gently grabbed Surprise's mane and made to pull her back, but she resisted. Rarity, too, whispered "Surprise, please!"

The Queen was not impressed by this threat. She caressed that sunstone and said "I will not give up the last memento of my fallen sister. Until the day I die, it stays near me."

"Fine then!"

Blueblood gasped with fright at what happened next: That crazy pegasus lunged at the Queen, succeeded in knocking her over her throne and indeed, both plummeted off the platform! All who had eyes went to watch, and saw that Surprise took the worst of that fall--for Bathsheba could fly, Surprise couldn't. Bathsheba realized this advantage quickly, and pressed it: She folded her legs into a meditative position, but Blueblood soon saw this was to aim her stingers at Surprise. Three she fired, and Surprise side-hopped all three, but a fourth one grazed her. Yet Surprise still stood as Bathsheba came groundbound. A magic ball of power formed in the Queen's hands, and as Surprise attempted another lunge, the magic ball fired. The world seemed to go into slow motion as Surprise was knocked through the air in an arc, and landed on her side.

"You'd do well to desist," Queen Bathsheba said. "My stingers are all laced with a sedative. You should be feeling tired."

Blueblood could see the truth of that. While Surprise was making a valiant show of strength, she was using all of it just to stay on her feet. Meanwhile, Bathsheba calmly approached her foe and, at the last step, held Surprise's face--apparently so her enemy's eyes could see the face of the victor. And then a most astonishing thing happened!

Surprise reared up, lifted her forehooves into the air, yelled "POWER--"

"No!" Raydence yelled, "You stupid horse!"

"--GEYSER!"

And Surprise brought her hooves down, and the instant they connected with the dirt a fountain of blue energy erupted from the ground, washing over both pegasus and bee. Queen Bathsheba was sent hurtling into the air, and Blueblood saw her body arc clearly and land on the ground with a dull thud, and then bouncing a bit just after that before coming to rest. Surprise herself was nowhere to be seen until the blue energy cleared away, and she had been right in the thick of it! And yet, the old girl seemed no worse than she was before.

Until she fell over.

For five long seconds it seemed as if the two combatants had downed each other. But then Queen Bathsheba roused to her senses, twitched, sat up and slowly put a hand to her head. It seemed to take the Bee Queen a moment to recall what had happened and then she stood and considered Surprise for a moment. Blueblood could swear Bathsheba planned to kill the old girl.

Raydence seemed to think so as well, for he immediately jumped down and scooped up the fallen pony. The Bee Queen attempted to attack him and this he met with a swift kick to her chest before attempting to hothoof (or is it hotfoot?) his way to freedom. Blueblood decided it was time for he and Rarity to do the same thing, and he was prepared to lead the way, shocked to find that Rarity had taken the initiative and barreled through the confused Beezoids first. Blueblood sprinted so fast he clumsily fell down the stairs, but recovered at the bottom and blasted away with what seemed like lightning speed. The four were now fugitives, running together through a golden kingdom. There was no plan, no clear idea what to do or where to go. They just ran, and reacted. On the path ahead, Beezoids. They turned left. On that path, more Beezoids, so they turned right.

Every juncture seemed surrounded, until Blueblood noticed there was a cave behind them and said "Maybe this leads somewhere!" For lack of a better plan, they ran down there, and saw many branches. They took the first one they came across.

Blueblood's blood ran cold when he realized they were at a dead end. Quickly the foursome made to turn around, but...

A flash of light, and suddenly the cave entrance was blocked by stalactites! Queen Bathsheba of the Beezoids herself was there to gloat: "Oh, what luck, running right into one of our prisons! You, the human! That pony you carry, is she your owner?"

"Yep," Raydence spoke, and it was hard to tell how he felt about this situation. If he was anything like Blueblood, he didn't feel very pleased at all.

"Then perhaps you also know that particular magic she used?"

Raydence hesitated a moment, and said "Even if I did, why should I tell you?"

"You're not interested in purchasing your freedom?"

"Not at all."

"Very well, then. The four of you can rot in this cave together!" With a dismissive wave and an air of arrogance, Queen Bathsheba of the Beezoids left them to their fate, leaving only one guard behind, with the command "Make them miserable, and inform me if--when--they break." The guard saluted as the Queen left.

Raydence sat down with a sigh, and lay Surprise down as gently as he could. "Silly old horse," he said gently. "Three basic mistakes of combat and you made all three of them."

Water dripped somewhere, counting off the seconds they were in the cave. Blueblood looked left and right, scrambling for a way out, and felt almost claustrophobic. Rarity, meanwhile, lay with her head bowed. It seemed as though she were trying to think... or perhaps trying not to cry. Blueblood thought the latter more likely. Raydence sat by his owner and seemed to have gone blank, and Surprise still had not woken up.

Wishing to keep his mind off the unpleasantness of the situation, Blueblood asked "What are the 'three basic mistakes'?"

Raydence answered immediately, showing that he wasn't quite 'blank' after all. "Number one is letting anger cloud your judgment. Number two is not having a clear strategy when you attack. Number three--and this one's a doozy--playing a trump card out of desperation."

"I see... so that 'geyser' thing was a trump card."

"Uh-huh. And now the Beezoids know she can do that, they'll expect it next time."

Drip... drip... drip...

Rarity lifted her head, spoke: "It certainly surprised me. I wasn't even aware Pegasi could do magic."

"The Power Geyser isn't really magic. It's a Chi ability. I'm not really an expert, but I think its based on manipulating some force of energy that secretly flows all around the world. Bu it isn't really magic."

"I don't quite see the difference," Rarity admitted.

Raydence scratched his head, and said "Well... its like this. Ever play Chess? Well, in Chess there's moves called 'en passant' and 'rooking'. These are both legal moves, but barely anybody knows how to do them. Magic is more like if you say 'what's that?' and then move the pieces while the other player isn't looking."

Rarity immediately burst out laughing, and when she regained herself said "So we unicorns are a bunch of cheats, are we?"

"I don't see what's so funny about that!" Blueblood complained. "It's quite unflattering!"

"Fourth... demerit..."

What was that? Was Surprise stirring? She was! Blueblood walked over to her, intent on words of comfort, but for some reason his mouth said "Well! I hope you're proud of the fine mess you've gotten us into!"

Blueblood expected to be smacked, but Surprise instead acted like he wasn't there, and looked up at her pet. "Food..."

"Sure, sure," Raydence reached around to something behind him (Blueblood could not quite see what) and pulled out an apple. Surprise ravenously ate it, and then demanded another. As Blueblood watched this scene he considered Raydence, and said "She demands food and you give, just like that. Just what are you? Some kind of slave?"

Raydence smiled at the remark. "Yeah, I'm a slave. Now eat up, ya little slavedriver!" And Surprise did eat, quite ravenously, and then drank some orange juice. It was around this point that Blueblood became genuinely curious about where all these items were coming from, so he walked around Raydence and saw him sticking his hand into what appeared to be a hole in space. Not a hole in the wall, but in the very air! If Blueblood looked from the right angle, it seemed as if Raydence's arm simply disappeared whenever he reached into that gray space. Blueblood motioned for Rarity to look at this, and she too was piqued. "I say!" the mare of fashion asked, "What is that?"

For once, Raydence and Surprise looked like the ones surprised. Raydence held up the food he was offering and said "This is an apple."

"No, I mean, that... that space you keep sticking your hand in."

Raydence glanced at it really quick, and said to his owner "I think they mean the inventory screen."

Surprise then blinked, and took a bite out of the apple. She swallowed and then said "I never thought Equestria was that behind the times. In Dream Valley, everyone--pony and human alike--has an inventory screen!"

Rarity had to ask: "Is this yet another form of 'en passant'?"

"Pretty much," Raydence confirmed. Surprise gave him a questioning glance, to which he answered only by patting her head. Blueblood made no comment, but inwardly he was beginning to think that he had misjudged this Raydence creature. For a "slave," he seemed quite comfortable having power over his supposed owner.

Raydence asked, "Can you stand?"

Surprise came to her hooves. "Check."

"Can you crow?"

And Surprise crowed like a rooster.

"Can you fight?"

A gleam came to her eye, "I can try!"

"Good! Let me do something real quick," and Raydence walked to the stalactite bars, and motioned for the Beezoid guard to come near. Then he grabbed the Beezoid's head and rammed it against one of the bars, knocking the thing out cold. Then the inventory screen materialized right next to Raydence, and as he sunk his arm into it he asked "Are we sinkable?"

To which Surprise declared "Un-thinkable!"

And from the inventory screen Raydence pulled a device that looked like two pink metal rods somehow attached to each other, with a triangular wooden thing that seemed to be some sort of handle. Before Blueblood even had time to wonder what it was, Raydence aimed it at one of the stalactites and pulled a trigger. There was a BAM! and what was once a stalactite was now just dust and pebbles.

"What is that? Some sort of magic wand?"

"This is a double-barreled shotgun," Raydence answered and then BAM! another stalactite bit the dust. "Common in Humania, but mine has two big differences. The first--" BAM! "Is that it's not near as noisy. The second--" BAM! "Is that it's ammo comes from happy feelings!"

"Here's a count-down!" Surprise declared, jumping through the newly made opening.

"And a blast-off!" Raydence followed immediately after.

And as they made off together, the owner and pet sang in tandem: "Everything is go-go Astro Boy!"

Blueblood could hear them singing as they left the prison cells, could hear the sounds of battle outside. He glanced at Rarity only to find that she, too, was eager to get into the fray. Was he the only one scared of an impossible battle? With reluctance, Blueblood came after them.

What he saw above ground amazed him. Sure enough, the Beezoid community had been roused. Yet Surprise, Raydence and Rarity seemed capable of handling it, Rarity bucking with her hind legs when she could and pouncing whenever else, and Surprise jumping and cartwheeling through the air and moving along the ground with the grace of a cat. When she jumped from wall to wall and knocked a Beezoid from the sky with the sheer force of her body, Blueblood found it hard to believe she could not fly.

BAM went the shotgun of joy, and its latest victim fell right in front of the Prince. Blueblood jumped back and hastily covered his eyes, yet curiosity and common sense forced him to look. Remembering what the double-barreled shotgun had done to stone stalactites, the Prince was understandibly taken aback when he saw that the Beezoid victim was in fact not dead, but rather rolling about in a euphorious delirium! That didn't make sense! Blueblood forced his thoughts toward the ongoing battle, stepped around the fallen foe, and said to Rarity "This is hopeless! There's just too many of them!"

"You think so?" Rarity answered him with an almost casual gleefulness, and Blueblood was horrified to think she must surely be enjoying this! Was he the only sane pony left in this little party?

Just barely did the Prince notice a beezoid duo about to stick him good. He should have run, he should have ducked, he should have done anything! Yet instead he froze with terror and awaited the inevitable! Yet it never happened, because gems shot out of the ground and cut through the beezoids like they were made of paper! Rarity jumped beside him, and Blueblood now noticed her horn was glowing!

"Did you do that?" he asked.

"Of course!" she answered as she kicked a beezoid who thought he'd sneak up on her. "My special talent is detecting gems!" And speaking of gems, more flew from the ground to cut through enemy soldiers, "And of course my unicorn powers do the rest!" Then she had a Beezoid in a chokehold. While waiting for the creature to pass out, she yelled "You're a unicorn too! Do some magic!"

Blueblood stumbled and lost his footing just then, which happily prevented him from being speared by a beezoid he hadn't even seen! Blueblood called back to Rarity "Don't be ridiculous! I never studied combat magic!"

"And you think I did?" In the space of this dialogue, Rarity downed three more beezoids and then dodged the attacks of three more.

"B-b-but my special talent had nothing to do with fighting! I just--"

"Your entire life doesn't have to revolve around your special talent!" Rarity lept forward, spearing a beezoid with her horn. Blueblood tried a similar approach, but his thrust was clumsy and he was forced to rely on the tried-and-true tactic of simply bucking with his hind hooves instead. At her next free moment, he heard Rarity call to him "Blueblood, you have to learn to improvise! Think outside the box!" Then Rarity paused. It seemed to the Prince like the fashionista had been hit with an inspiration. "Outside the box..." she repeated, and glanced all around. A smile formed on her lips, and Rarity declared "It's cheating time!"

The next thing Blueblood knew, Rarity was concentrating with all her will. Blueblood looked all around to try and see what she hoped to affect, and soon got distracted by the twenty or so Beezoids who had surrounded them. Then, suddenly, a slab of amber launched itself at the Beezoids, and Blueblood understood what Rarity's game was!

The lady didn't stop there! She went from launching one amber slab to launching many! The streets, the walls, the ceilings of the Beezoids' own city were coming to the aid of the ponies! Blueblood was compelled to step away, for Rarity had channeled so much magical power that she was now levitating off the ground! So focused was he on the spectacle around him that Blueblood barely thought to see how Surprise and Raydence were doing. This spectacle... it filled Blueblood with many things at once. Awe, excitement, terror... his eye twitched. He heard a male voice chuckle, and it took the Prince a moment to realize the voice was his own.

There was a crash and a clamour, there were peals of thunder. Reality had taken on an unreal aspect, like a dream. He saw from a hilltop the golden city come crashing down, and stood slack-jawed at the sight. Then a semblance of reason came to him, and Blueblood mumbled "Oh my gosh, I'm dead. I was in the city when it fell."

"Uh no." That voice sounded like Surprise. "You ran when we did."

It all snapped back for Blueblood just then. When the collapse had started, Surprise had cried "run!" and they ran. The race up the hill had been thrilling and intense. Blueblood was now aware that he was panting like a dog. It bothered him more than anything that the memory of having evacuated felt more like it had been invented to fill in a gap, than something that actually happened.

"I'm going mad!" he whispered, and then he repeated it louder. "I'm going mad! The world is spinning! Time is not in order! Beezoids, wumpuses, golden cities falling down! I must've caught some bug-bite--"

Cold water was dumped on the Prince. He dazedly looked up to see the human holding an empty bucket. Raydence asked, "Feel better now?"

"Y-yes, thanks." Blueblood shook the water off, grateful that reality seemed real once again. He turned to the mares and asked, "Just... what happened?"

Rarity had a clever look about her. "It's quite simple, dear. It just suddenly occured to me that there was no reason my abilities were limited to earthen gems such as diamonds. Even though amber comes from tree sap, its still a precious stone, and it was all around us!"

"But-but-but-but...!" Blueblood felt his mind threatening to go blank from an overload. Just why were the mares giggling?

Blueblood glanced at Raydence, hoping for some explanation or perhaps sympathy. Instead, the human was looking back with binoculars. Presently he said, "Looks like there are survivors."

An instinctive whinny escaped Blueblood's throat, and he took off galloping without even having the presence of mind to say anything. His heart raced out of fear, and he imagined the hoofbeats behind him were the hordes of Beezoids coming to end his life! It was only when he reached Ponyville that he finally could run no more and gave himself up to being overtaken by the enemy. It just so happened that he was overtaken, but by Rarity and Surprise, with the human trailing close behind. The human stopped to check on the Prince, and asked "You feeling all right?"

"We've got to hide! The beezoids are right behind us!"

"No they're not!" Surprise admonished.

"But I heard their hoofsteps right behind me! It's an army, I tell you!"

Raydence dumped another bucket of water on Blueblood's head. Surprise then said, "Reality check: you wouldn't hear hoofsteps. Beezoids can fly."

Blueblood stood dumb for half a moment, struck by the truth of this simple observation. Then he chuckled. Was he chuckling? Perhaps he really was just cracking up.

"Rarity!"

The voice sounded familiar to Blueblood, and somehow not threatening. Who... of course! Little Sweetie Belle! A feeling of safety washed over Blueblood and he took a step forward, but then once more froze in fear. The wumpus was laying right in the middle of town! Little Sweetie Belle stood right next to it without a care in the world! How could she look so happy? Blueblood glanced again and saw that he was not looking at an actual wumpus, but rather a large pile of its fur!

Blueblood approached near enough to hear Sweetie Belle explain to Rarity that "It just wandered into town while you were gone. So I sang to him and he went to sleep. Then I shaved him! He woke up and left just awhile ago."

Rarity gave her little sister a kiss on the cheek, which evidently bothered the little one since she backed away from the older mare. Then the foal saw Blueblood and approached him with a happy smile on her face. Her manner was that of a youngster who was trying to look mature but instead came off as clumsily cute. Speaking with what she assumed was a romantic tone, Sweetie Belle asked, "And how is Prince Charming?"

Sweetie Belle must've been astonished when Blueblood collapsed and cried.

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm no Prince Charming!" Blueblood declared. "I'm a Prince Nothing! Your sister, that old mare, and that human thing, they're gods compared to me! They walk tirelessly while I struggle to take steps! They fight with courage while I cower in terror! They make plans to change the world while I wallow in despair! A prince should be the one to do all these things! I'm no prince, just some pampered rich boy!"

"Blueblood..." Rarity tried to sound comforting, but could think of nothing else to tell him.

Long moments of silence passed, and then Sweetie Belle said "So... you gonna tell me what happened?"

The events of the day were related by Rarity and Surprise. Sweetie Belle was not the sole audience, for a number of Rarity's acquaintances had pitched in to help gather the fur and bring it into her boutique. Blueblood thought he recognized Rarity's friends from the Gala, but it was hard to believe that six country ponies could ever be invited to that grand event. In any case, Blueblood helped with the one thing he felt confident he could do. He helped carry in the wumpus fur. He finished carrying in the last of it just as Surprise and Rarity finished telling their story.

The meek yellow pegasus said, "Oh my! To think that such terrible people were just a stone's throw away from us!"

A boisterous blue pegasus said, "Yeah, well, if those Beezoids had tried anything, I woulda whomped'em good!"

The purple unicorn looked especially familiar to Blueblood. If he didn't know better he would almost swear she was from Canterlot. She seemed less interested in the story and more in the wonders of Raydence's inventory screen.

"Wheee!" A pink pony jumped in the wumpus fur, and kept on jumping in and out of it. Blueblood didn't mind the playing around so much as he disliked the mess it made. Such a neat pile, and now the hairs were flying everywhere! To Blueblood's relief, he wasn't the only one who felt this way; A tan-furred earth pony with a hat was trying to tell the pink one not to make a mess.

After the pink one conceded, the one with the hat turned to Rarity and said, "If Ah had known there was gonna be a rassle, I woulda came along!"

Blueblood thought that perhaps this earth pony would've made a better companion than he had. It had not escaped his notice that Rarity and Surprise barely mentioned him in their version of events. Why should they? He hadn't really done anything except cower, hide, run, and stand by while the others took action! Maybe it would be best if he slipped out quietly. Yes, that was what Blueblood wanted to do. Just leave, go back to Canterlot without another word and never show himself anywhere ever again, and silently disappear from the world.

He had gotten just past the threshold when he heard someone say his name. Rarity was right behind him, and she spoke with a low, soft voice full of compassion. "Listen, about your proposal... may I have time to think it over?"

"You need not worry. It's off the table."

That surprised Rarity, and she immediately asked, "Why?"

"Because I don't deserve you! Being married to me would be like having a ball-and-chain attacked to your hooves! It's better that we forget the whole thing. As for me, I've given up on love. I'll just spend the rest of my life single!"

"Blueblood!"

The two looked at each other for a moment, but Blueblood could sense that no more words were forthcoming. He sighed and walked away, aware that Rarity was following him but not daring to look back. He gave a little whistle, and his carriage appeared from wherever it had been hiding. Blueblood looked at it a moment before getting in, for there was a strange thing: This carriage had been one of the things he prided himself on before, but now it filled him with despair. Nevertheless, he climbed in and resigned himself to his weakness. The drivers began driving. They knew where to go. Blueblood looked out the window just one last time, and saw Rarity's eyes filling up with tears. Even in their last parting moment, he had done more harm than good. All the more reason he should leave.

The prince lay down on his seat and let tears fall from his eyes. He barely thought about the movement of the carriage or whether his men heard his sobs. He didn't even look out the window, and watching the country roll by was the best part of this journey! Nothing mattered anymore.

"Look!" one of his carriage-pullers exclaimed. Another said "What's that?"

Nothing mattered anymore... Hold on a minute, just what were his men going on about? And why did Blueblood hear this strange buzzing noise? Buzzing? A dark suspicion filled Blueblood's mind, and he looked out the window. Was he seeing what he thought he saw? Blueblood jumped out of his carriage, found they were now halfway up the same cliff they had descended earlier. Blueblood ran to the very place from which he had looked out earlier that day, and saw Ponyville under the darkening sky. Yet instead of a cozy little country town, now it was a town under siege! The Beezoids swept in, hit ponies with the blunts of their spears and menaced them with their stingers! More horrible than that, a great many of the beezoids were carrying sacks full of honey and this they dropped onto the unsuspecting citizens! Blueblood could see even from here how the honey was so thick and of such a volume that any who were deluged with it had a hard time moving.

The decision almost made itself. Blueblood told his men, "Get word to Princess Celestia! I'm going back to Ponyville!"

With that, he ran as fast as his hooves could carry him.

Blueblood still felt sore from his earlier workout, and this sudden action was not helping any, but right now nothing else mattered. Blueblood had to make sure Rarity and Sweetie Belle were safe! The prince did not even bother hiding from the beezoids. It was just as well, since they seemed too busy with the other ponies to take any notice of him. Where was Surprise at a time like this?

He soon found the answer. Surprise and Raydence were fighting valiantly, and yet somehow didn't seem to be holding their own as well as in the Beezoid city. Raydence wasn't using that shotgun thing, instead tackling most beezoids with his fists. Blueblood wanted to ask why this was, but it would have to wait. Where was Rarity? Carousel Boutique, of course! Blueblood hoofed it to the site.

Yes! There was Rarity and Sweetie Belle, but alas! They had both been dipped with honey and were immobile! And who should be there to gloat but the vile Bathsheba, Queen of the Beezoids! She hadn't yet seen him, so Blueblood crept around to her back and slowly approached. As he did, he heard the conversation between her and Rarity.

Queen Bathsheba said, "It's only fitting. You destroyed my home, so now I will demolish yours!"

"You wanted to do that anyway!" Rarity argued.

"Why yes, yes I did! But I altered my plan a bit. Now, I'll let you and that pegasus live long enough to witness its destruction!" The queen paused for a moment. "It's only too bad that foppish prince got away."

Blueblood was close enough now! A good fast strike would do her in!

Splat!

All the sudden, Blueblood was covered with golden stickiness! He tried to lift his moves, but could barely move! Dash it all, it was hard enough just to stand up, let alone attack anypo--errr, any bee!

"Blueblood!" Sweetie Belle cried out upon seeing him. Blueblood wished she hadn't, for now Bathsheba saw him too! Blueblood didn't like that look on her face at all.

"Well, so the prince doesn't get away after all!" Bathsheba then pointed her staff at Sweetie Belle. "And who is this, a fan of yours?"

An air of infinite menace surrounded the Queen. A macabre smile graced her lips, and she tapped her staff out of the ground. A spear portruded from the top, and she aimed this spear right at Sweetie Belle's tender neck!

Time seemed to stand still as everything he had seen and heard and felt today came back to Blueblood. He remembered the terror of the wumpus, the four demerits he had gotten, that geyser thing... and most especially he remembered the words. He remembered Rarity saying his life wasn't defined by his special talent. He remembered "are we sinkable? unthinkable!" And he mentally repeated Rarity's words from when she said It's cheating time!

There was a sound of flesh tearing, and a gasp of pain. Both of these came from Queen Bathsheba, who suddenly found a unicorn horn piercing her. The horn was Blueblood's, and it had grown long enough to cross the distance and spear the wicked queen right through her cold, black heart! The Queen's movements became stiff and rigid as she reached for the horn, and she soon went limp. Blueblood's horn shrank to its normal size, and the evil one's body slumped to the ground.

The Beezoids, formerly so menacing, suddenly became rather stupid. They wandered aimlessly and bumped into each other often. They seemed barely aware of the ponies unless one was in their path. They bumbled around as if they had no idea what they were doing. For once in his life, Blueblood understood why. He remembered somepony once telling him that bees were a hive creature whose intelligence was shared among them in a sort of telepathic bond, and that the Queen held the majority of the intelligence. Whether this was true for real bees or not was a matter of debate, but clearly it was true of the Beezoids. Without their Queen, they were just mindless automatons.

Blueblood was a little perturbed when that pink pony from earlier came along and began licking him. "I say!" he shouted in embarrassment, but found he could not fault her since she was, after all, getting the honey off. When she had eaten enough that he could move again, he said, "That will be all, miss! Perhaps you better start on your friends!"

She took his advice and, in five seconds, had freed both Rarity and Sweetie Belle (who had both also sent her away before she got it all off). Once Sweetie Belle was free, she approached him and said, "That's the second time you've rescued me today."

Blueblood almost jumped when he heard Surprise right beside him. She said, "Looks like you've taken the first step towards being a real Prince."

He watched Surprise remove the sunstone fragment from the fallen queen's neck and toss it into her own inventory screen. Blueblood wanted to smile, but all he managed was a sigh. He glanced at the body of the enemy, and said, "I wish I could believe that was more than a mere stroke of luck."

Surprise patted him on the back. "Lots of great things begin on strokes of luck. Who knows, this could be the start of a better life for you."

Sweetie Belle jumped up and kissed Blueblood on the cheek. When she landed, she said, "Or maybe a better life for us!" She flashed her eyes in another clumsy attempt to be adult. Blueblood chuckled as he glanced from her to Rarity.

"I believe I'll have to think it over. In the meantime, is there a good public bath around these parts? I need to wash the rest of this honey off."

Splash! Another bucket of cold water came down on him, and then Blueblood cast a glance at the smiling human. Raydence then asked "Did that help?"

Blueblood stared at him for a moment... and then laughed. He thought he heard Rarity laugh too, and Sweetie Belle, and perhaps all of Ponyville. For once this fine day, a great deal of mirth was appropriate.

Dear Princess Celestia,

My friends Rarity, Raydence and Surprise had an amazing adventure with Prince Blueblood today! They found a golden city run by these evil creatures called the Beezoids! The Beezoids attacked Ponyville, but you'll be happy to hear that the attack was thwarted thanks to the valiant efforts of these four!

On top of that, I discovered new types of magic! Raydence showed me an "inventory screen," and Rarity told me that Surprise can do something called "chi." Surprise is too tired to show me or tell me anything right now, but starting tomorrow morning I'm gonna make it my mission to learn all I can about it!

But I think the one who learned the most today is Prince Blueblood. He learned that he really wasn't happy being who he is. Being a pampered prince may sound nice, but its really boring. Then, if you're pampered too much you'll one day wind up in a situation you don't know how to handle, like what happened today. I heard Blueblood say that from now on he's going to be more outgoing and try to learn as much about the world as he can. He even said he wants to sign up for the army! I can understand wanting to get out more, but that sounds a little dangerous. Please, keep an eye on him, okay?

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

It seems like ever since that new pony moved in, you and your friends have been discovering some amazing things! I'd like to meet them sometime if I can arrange it.

Chi? Inventory screens? For some reason those sound vaguely familiar. Even so, put your heart into it and let me know what you find!

You'll be happy to learn that I talked Blueblood out of joining the army. Instead, he's gone to spend time with his uncle Redblood in Trotshire. Redblood is a seasoned adventurer and I'm sure he'll be happy to have Blueblood as a protege! Lately, Redblood has been performing services by hunting and shaving Wumpuses. I wouldn't be surprised if Rarity's limited-time coats aren't quite so limited this year!

Your loving teacher,

Princess Celestia

~See you next Scene!~

Bonus Scene - Blargle Blargle
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Surprise Days

Bonus Scene - Blargle Blargle

The sun rose on a very blargle day in Ponyville. The ponies blargled busily along the blargle blargle street. Blargle blargle to each other on the winds of joy.

Twilight Sparkle passed Surprise upon the street, and greeted her with a friendly "Blargle!"

And Surprise answered back, "Blargle you too!"

Both the ponies blargled down and put their blargles to their mouths in a thinking blargle. Surprise asked, "Why do we say blargle?"

Twilight Sparkle suggested, "I don't blargle, but I will blargle out, for I am a genius!"

So they hit up the library and did some research into the history of Blargle. On a certain blargle of a blargle, Twilight blargled, "Blargle! I blargled something!"

"Whad'ya blargle?" Surprise came to blargle.

The blargle was blargled, "the History of Blargle, by Blames Blargle." In it, Blargle was described as a blargle blargle that blargle blargled every blargle-of-blargle centuries or so. So, blargle. Blargle blargle. That settled, blargle blargle blargle.

Blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle--

"One, two, THREE!" Raydence and Pinkie swung fist-and-hoof at the fourth wall at the same time, and jumped through the resulting shatter of reality's glass. Raydence took a moment out to scruffle Pinkie's mane (she's irresistable like that) and then looked directly at you, the reader.

"Pinkie Pie and I apologize for having to hijack this story," Raydence began, "but we both have a very important message for the reader. It concerns the meaning of good art. You see, the reason everyone in Ponyville started blargling was because they discovered a strange secret about the milk chocolate." He looked at Pinkie Pie, "I told you the secret, didn't I?"

"Uh-uh! What's the secret?"

"The milk chocolate..." Raydence looked around, as if afraid of being spied upon, and motioned Pinkie closer. Whispering into her floppy ear, he finished, "...the milk chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hoof."

Pinkie Pie gasped. "How terrible!"

"Yes, you must never underestimate the milk chocolate!"

"Which brings us back to pop-tarts!"

"And pop-tart rhymes with art!"

"Yee-haw!" Went both of them at once.

Raydence addressed you once again. "You see, many ponies these days have grown up to believe that art is subjective. I myself believe this to an extent, but just because something is subjective does not mean there are no standards. Good cooking is subjective, but would you serve your guest rotten milk?"

Pinkie Pie hit the ground (the fourth ground?) and added, "That's right, and you should never turn your friends into pastries, either!"

"Exactly, Pinkie Pie!" Raydence clapped his hands. "The point is, 'artistic standards' exist, but they are rather nebulous. To properly understand art, you need to understand it on at least three levels.

"Level one is technical expertise. This is the absolute basic level of how clear and professional a given work is.

"Level two is artistic intentions. This is understanding the artist's goal with a given work.

"Level three is personal inclination. This is how you feel about a given work, and this is where many people mess up. Just because you dislike a work does not make it bad. By the same token, just because you like a work does not make it fine art."

Pinkie Pie took over. "For example, my favorite book of all time is Strawberry Shortcake's Pet Parade. But I wouldn't call it a classic."

"That's right. And I actually think the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel is kind of ugly. But I still hold it up as an excellent work of art. The reason is because of Level One and Level Two. The Sistene Chapel is clearly a well-done, professional work regardless of how I feel about its style. I mean, I could never paint figures that well, let alone a whole ceiling full of them! And Michelangelo wasn't painting it for me, he was painting it for the people who attend that chapel, who probably liked that kind of stuff. So that's Level Two."

Pinkie raised a hoof. "And then there's Level Eight, the one with that big hole nopony can jump over!"

"That's exactly right. Speaking of big holes, what about this story?"

"What story?"

Raydence pointed all around the edges of the screen. "This story. The one we just broke out of."

Pinkie scratched her chin and thought about it. "Ah, that is a very fine question! It requires the upmost intellectectectonic analysis, and plenty of popcorn to do it justice! And I like popcorn!"

"Not a big fan myself. Want some kit-kats?"

"Thanks!" Pinkie kept thinking on the issue. "Well, I don't know what to think! I've never read a story where I broke out before!"

"Well, if I had to give an opinion, I would say this story is not art."

"Aww, NoGiantRobots will feel terrible!"

"We already had to knock him out and stuff him in a closet to hijack the story. He can't feel much worse than that."

Pinkie giggled. "I guess you're right! So, why isn't this story art?"

"Well, first of all it fails at Level One. This story is just utter randomness with a lame author's rant tacked on. There is no technical expertise here. Anyone with a keyboard could write something very much like it. Granted, if that's what the author wanted then it succeeds at Level Two. This brings us to Level Three."

Pinkie glanced at Raydence, waiting to hear his answer.

"I don't like being put in a story where I've beaten up the author. So for me, Level Three is a fail."

"Awww. I thought it was kind of fun!"

"You know what the author could do to salvage this mess?"

"What?"

"Turn it into an actual story. Now, what say we go back where we belong and see if things don't come together?"

"Okie dokie lokie!"

"Here it is!" Twilight Blargle blargled. "According to blargle blargle, all we have to do is bake the blarglemuffin and blargle will stop!"

"So where's blarglemuffin?" Surprise asked.

"In the blargle!"

A blargleskip later they had found and baked a blarglemuffin, and all blargling stopped henceforth. The end.

Raydence and Pinkie later gave this story two and a half stars.

Scene 6 - Blown Away in the Land of Thorns
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Surprise Days

Scene 6 - Blown Away in the Land of Thorns

~Surprise Days~

by NoGiantRobots1983

~Scene 6~

~Blown Away in the Land of Thorns~

~Let's Begin!~

I remember something Surprise did when I was only six years old.

I was playing in a patch of bushes just outside of Paradise Estate, when I saw some purple berries. I was getting hungry so I picked one and put it in my mouth to eat it. My teeth were about to squish the berry, but then--

"Stop!"

Surprise came up right beside me, pulled the berry from my mouth, and said, "Haven't I told you not to eat strange berries without checking first?"

You "check" by holding the berries to your lower lip and see if a bitter taste develops. If it does, they're poisonous. But that can take a long time and I was hungry now! I shrugged. "What's the big deal? Not like poisonous berries grow around here anyway."

"You think so?" Without warning, Surprise gobbled up a bushel of berries!

One second... two seconds... three seconds... four... five. I smiled. Surprise was still standing. I guessed nothing was wrong. Then she plopped over! So I said "Very funny, Surprise. You can stop playing now." But she didn't move. "I'm not falling for it!" I cried out, giving her a six-year-old's kick to the stomach. Only then did I realize something was wrong. I ran back to town and got help.

I spent a whole hour pacing and sweating in the Emergency Clinic's waiting room before a nurse came out and told me the good news. You can't imagine how happy I was! I ran in there and hugged my stupid pony!

The first thing she said when she woke up? "Orange juice, quick!" So I got her some orange juice, quick.

When we went home, I told her "I'm sorry. I'll never eat berries without doing the test first ever again!"

She looked at me all weird-like and said "That's the lesson you took home from this?"

"Uh-huh. Why, what lesson did you learn?"

"Never gorge yourself on berries that leave an awful aftertaste. Blech!"

So I told this story to Fluttershy, and she put her hooves on her cheeks and was like, "That's horrible! Scaring a poor little boy half to death like that!"

Gotta admit, I saw that coming. Most ponies just don't understand, but I tried to explain anyway. "Even so, its an effective way to make a lesson stick. I never ate anything wild without testing it first, and I never forgot the orange juice either!" I half-smiled, but I guess Fluttershy didn't see the humor in it.

She put down her hoof. "Even so, there are ways to make a lesson stick without traumatizing you!"

I sighed. Fluttershy just wasn't gonna get it. Ah well.

This conversation happened around Fluttershy's back yard. Surprise had come to visit Fluttershy and ask about nutterberries for some nutterberry pie (I think they're actually called something else. We call 'em nutterberries because they're berries that look like nuts), and I had just come along because I had nothing better to do. Fluttershy pointed at a big bushel of bushes and said "Help yourself!" Then when Surprise was gone, Fluttershy pulled up a lawn chair for me and sat me down and gave me a drink with a straw and started all cooing and coddling me and I decided to tell her that story, just off the top of my head. I think I was trying to tell her that I don't like being coddled and cooed over, but Fluttershy was one of those ponies who just had to go all gushy-gush.

Well, since Surprise wasn't looking, I decided to risk scratching behind Fluttershy's ears. I always want to hug ponies, pet them, tickle them, or scratch their ears, and I never figured out why. If I ever become a scientist, I'll put the question under a microscope and study it.

Surprise returned just as I pulled my hand away, and she was carrying a basket of nutterberries in her mouth. So she tried to say, "Thanks, Fluttershy. Let's go, Raydence!" but it came out more like "Shays, Flufferfly! Leff go Refreff!"

So I got out of that chair and we went. Then I realized I was still carrying Fluttershy's cup and went to give it back. She stole one last cuddle from me before I was able to break away. I mean don't get me wrong, Fluttershy is a cute pony, but being cuddled always makes me feel weird.

Ponyville altogether made me feel weird, actually. Nice little place, just I don't like how I'm the only human most ponies here have seen who wasn't evil. The novelty alone made me an attention magnet.

So when we got back to our little rental at the edge of Ponyville, Surprise said, "Thif wiff--" then she put down the basket and tried again, "This will take awhile. Think you can keep yourself busy for an hour or so?"

"Won't you need help? An extra pair of hands?"

"Nah, cooking is a one-pony operation. Too many chefs and all that. I'll come look for ya later!"

Point made, case closed, she brought the basket in and closed the door. I hadn't really tried to win this argument, because I knew how easy it was to get distracted in our little house where the kitchen, den and master bedroom were literally the same room. The only rooms that were separate were the bathroom and one really large closet. And she was cooking the nutterberry pie because it was one of those things she remembered doing when she was young that she wanted to prove she could still do. You might not have noticed, but Surprise really wasn't as confident as she looked. That's why she needed to be alone.

So I put my hands in my pockets and decided to see what Ponyville had to offer today. It was a small little place and everything important was right next to everything else important. So I stood out in the road, thinking "library or bake shop? Library or bake shop?" Logic threw a brick at me and the brick had a note that read, "Why would you go to a bake shop when you know your owner is baking?" I wrote a response ("Good point") and threw the brick right back at logic, and hit it right in the head. Pays you back for throwing bricks, you jerk!

So a hop and a skip later, I was at the library door. I knocked twice and Spike answered.

"Twilight Sparkle home?" I asked.

"No she's not," he answered with an unmistakable you're not welcome here tone. Spike was one of the few residents who hadn't warmed up to me, and for a very good reason. You see, before I came to town he was the local novelty that all the mares fawned over. Unlike me, he liked being the center of attention, and he didn't appreciate some namby-pamby human stealing his thunder! What made it worse was he had a big-sister thing going on with Twilight, and she was the pony who saw the most of me (besides my owner, that is), so I guess he has to hear about how awesome I am all the time even when he doesn't feel like it. Can't say I blame the guy. I'd hate me too in those circumstances.

"Oh, well I'm just looking to borrow a book--"

Spike slammed the door. I kinda stood there scratching my head and wondering what just happened, when he opened the door again and tossed a book at me and said "There!" and then slammed the door again.

"Eh." I shrugged and took a look at the book he had tossed. Its title was Blown Away in the Land of Thorns. So I glanced at a couple pages and got some gleamings of the plot, which seemed to be about a unicorn named Blown Away who was kidnapped by griffons so they could... oh dear. In my skimming I landed upon a very sickening illustration that summed up exactly what this book was about. Oh dear, what was I holding (I thought in a deadpan voice).

I did not want to read this. Did. Not.

But I didn't want to bother Spike again either. Either he gave me this book on purpose or there's no "adults only" section in that library, and I didn't want to take my chances. So I looked it over and decided there was only one thing to do.

I propped the book up against the door and walked away, casually pretending I hadn't seen it.

"Whatcha got there, Raydey-waydey?"

I stopped mid-step, and wondered what imp had arranged this chance meeting. There was only one pony who called me "Raydey-waydey" no matter how many times I asked her not to.

"Heya, Pinkie Pie," I greeted her begrudgingly and turned around. She was checking out the book, slowly mouthing the title. Then she started skimming the pages like I had done. Just as she got to the page with the questionable illustration I decided to grab it out of her han--er, hooves--and told her, "You don't want to read this one. It's kind of boring."

You might say it's wrong to treat Pinkie Pie like a foal. That's what I thought too, but there was this incident with a love potion not long ago and... well, let's just say I'm convinced she's not a grownup yet. I put the book back up against the door and then quickly distracted her by asking, "Why aren't you at Sugarcube Corner?"

"They're closed today. Catering a wedding in the next town over."

"Don't they have kids?"

"Yeah, but they're being watched by relatives today, which means I have all day to myself! So I thought, 'who's going to play with me?' and just all of a sudden I saw you!" Bouncy bouncy bouncy went her little hooves every other word or so, and it was easy to bouncy bouncy pay attention when she was so bouncy bouncy. I won't lie, Pinkie is kind of cute, but sometimes endless affection can be kind of grating. It's like I said, I just don't like being a novelty.

But she was bouncing circles around me, and rubbing up against my legs the way a cat does. I wasn't gonna get away from her, was I?

"Hey, I got an idea!" She bounced around to my front and stood on her hind legs and put her forehooves on my belly and looked at me with eyes that weren't quite big and watery enough to be puppy-dog eyes but gave a similar impression. "Why don't you show me some of the stuff you have in that 'inventory screen' thing?"

The inventory screen. Funny story, that. In Dream Valley, everyone--human and pony alike--has an inventory screen that we can open, close, and store stuff in at will. When we came to Equestria, Surprise and I didn't exactly try to keep our inventory screens a secret but we never really had much reason to open them. Then, one day, we do and to our astonishment, inventory screens are something the ponies of Equestria have never heard of! So now its also a novelty.

I saw no harm in opening mine for Pinkie, so I turned around and there it was. It takes the form of a kind of flat square in space. You can stretch it if you need to.

"How do you do that?" Pinkie Pie asked the question I'm sure you're asking now.

"It's very simple. See, there's a little X right in the corner of my vision. I just push that X."

"I don't see one."

"Try blinking two times really fast."

So Pinkie did. "Still don't see it."

"Keep trying. It'll show up."

But meanwhile, my screen was open and Pinkie was fascinated with all the stuff in it. "Wow... what's that thing?"

"That's an electric guitar. Shame there's no electricity here."

"And that?"

"This?" I reached in and pulled out what I thought she was pointing at, which was a sword in a sheath. I unsheathed the blade and explained it to her, "This is a sword. Specifically this kind is called a katana. It's good for cutting through dense foliage but not much else." Yeah, I know, katanas are good for a lot more than that, but I didn't want to talk about the violent stuff with Pinkie Pie of all ponies. Besides, I never used it that way anyway.

"Foliage?"

"Tall grass, weeds, hedges... you know, when you're going through a thick jungle."

Pinkie's tail was wagging like a puppy dog's. "You go on a lot of adventures, don't you?"

I put the katana back in the inventory screen. "Yup. Adventure is my life--hey hey HEY!"

Pinkie Pie was trying to climb into the inventory screen! She nearly went completely through when I grabbed her by the midsection and pulled her out, then I quickly shut the inventory screen. It was then that I happened to notice she had managed to clench her teeth on something--an old hat. I said "gimme that!" and tried to tear it away from her, but Pinkie held it, made playful growling sounds and shook and jumped and pulled like a puppy dog. I pulled, she pulled back, and we had a regular tug of war going.

"Pinkie Pie!"

Rarity had suddenly appeared behind me, and at her cry Pinkie let go of the hat (which sent me tumbling, since I was pulling so hard) and sat down like a good doggie. Rarity came to my side and said "Oh, that poor hat! Let me clean it up for you!"

So I was like "Um, uh, sure." Now that I wasn't wrestling with a pink pony puppy, I realized I didn't remember where that hat came from. I could only guess that it was only one of many supplies I had picked up at some point that I thought would come in useful, but actually didn't. That happens a lot when you live a life of adventure, many of the things you plan for just never come to pass.

So Pinkie asked, "Whatcha doin' here, Rarity?"

"I came to return a book I had borrowed. Oh, what's this?" Her eyes had fallen upon the one I had propped up against the front door. "Blown Away in the Land of Thorns? Which of you was reading this?"

I was going to deny everything, but Pinkie said, "Raydence had it!"

Then Rarity flashed a smirk and those knowing eyes at me and said, "Oh, Raydence, I didn't realize you had such refined tastes..."

I stood up and brushed myself off and was like, "Wait, refined?"

"Why yes! Blown Away in the Land of Thorns is an excellent work of literature, that far transcends the bounds of its scentillating subject matter and truly becomes an examination of the pony condition!"

So its a naughty book with class.

Pinkie Pie spoke for me again, "Raydence said it was kind of boring."

"Boring?! How could you?"

"Well," I answered, "I actually didn't finish it..."

"Well then, how far did you get?"

"Well, ummm... Hey, Pinkie!" I picked up a stick and tossed it, "Go fetch!" and she ran after it. Then I slid up beside Rarity and explained to her in a whisper that I hadn't really read the book at all, I just put it down once I realized what it was. Then Pinkie came back with the stick and I had to wrestle it out of her mouth and toss it again.

"Is there some reason you don't want Pinkie to hear about this?" Rarity asked.

"Well yeah," I had to throw the stick one more time. "Remember how she was during the love potion incident? You really think--" once again with the stick "--that she's ready for this?"

"I suppose you have a point."

Pinkie brought the stick back for the final time. This time, she just dropped it and panted tiredly. So I scruffled her mane and told her, "Sorry I don't have a treat." I think she was too tired to reply, because she just nuzzled me.

When I next looked around, Twilight Sparkle was standing next to Rarity and making this utterly perplexed look. The first thing Twilight said was, "Pinkie, why are you acting like a dog?"

So I guess I'm not the only one who thought that was strange.

What happened next was Twilight invited us all into the library and had Spike make dinner for us. To ponies, "dinner" means putting a lot of grass on a plate. I noticed that Spike gave Rarity more grass than anyone else, and gave me less. He was still giving me the evil eye. It's not like I could complain though, since his jealousy actually worked in my favor this time. I mean, would you eat a plate full of grass? Don't get me wrong, grass is edible and everything. But it lacks flavor, and leaves my stomach empty.

So the girls made small talk. I tried to stay quiet and hoped they would forget I was there, mostly because conversations with me always become conversations about what humans are like, or about Surprise or Dream Valley or other questions I think Surprise should answer instead.

Things were going along so beautifully, and then Twilight Sparkle said, "That reminds me. Raydence, I heard something from Surprise I thought was rather interesting."

Oh fiddlesticks.

"Was there really a Pony-Human war?"

Oh. Here I thought she was gonna ask me something difficult.

"Not really."

"But your kind lost the war and now you're all pets! At least, that's what she said."

I smiled. "Surprise likes to put her own slant on history. Now, here's the way I've always heard it: Ponies crossed the rift and discovered Humania. They started bringing back souvenirs, and after awhile they started adopting humans. Now humans already had all sorts of legends about creatures that abduct people and so they got scared and got their weapons and tried to fight." I opened my inventory screen and pulled out my shotgun-of-joy, which they'd already seen before thanks to the encounter with the Beezoids. "Now, most human weapons are like Marle here." Yes, I call it Marle. Shut up. "This girl works fine against slow moving or close-by targets. But humans were trying to use them against pegasi who were way up in the air and flying really fast. And you ponies are already pretty small. When you're going through the air, we need a telescope to even see you. So yeah, humans didn't have a chance."

So Spike asked, "What's the point? Don't those things just make you happy anyway?"

"That's just Marle here. Regular shotguns hurt."

Twilight Sparkle asked, "So why doesn't yours?"

"Magic, I guess. I actually found this baby in a witch's lair. From what I understood, this one witch would use drugs to make herself really happy, then go out and blast a pony. The pony of course would be so lost in la-la land that she wouldn't put up a fight. I found out the easy way that the same trick works on witches."

I put Marle up, then I said, "Anyway, the so-called Human-Pony War didn't amount to much. As far as I know there were no casualties on the pony side, and of course ponies never hurt humans. Not intentionally, anyway. What really happened is that the whole thing calmed down because some ponies in Dream Valley were starting to feel kind of weird about the whole human pets thing. Many of them think its slavery, and there's a watchdog group called the Flyaway Rangers who look out for cases of abused humans, who they rescue and smuggle back to Humania. Our own Princess sympathizes with humans, and her laws are really what put an axe on the whole thing."

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but Twilight Sparkle is cute when she's confused. She scratched her ear and then said, "But... that's not what Surprise told me at all."

I chuckled. "Okay, what did she say?"

"She said that on the last day of the War, a human called the President--some sort of elected representative--came to a hill and flagged down a passing pegasus so he could present her with terms of humanity's surrender. The pegasus looked at him and asked 'Why? Are we fighting?'"

"... I'm honestly shocked."

"So its a lie?"

"Nope, that really is a common legend around Dream Valley. I'm shocked that she left out the best part."

"What's that?"

"That the pegasus thought the president was cute and she adopted him on the spot."

Not terribly funny, but Pinkie chuckled and the others smiled (even Spike. Didn't expect that).

We got around to more small talk after that, and then Rarity asked, "Oh, Twilight. Earlier I was reminded of a wonderful novel that I wouldn't mind reading again. May I see Blown Away in the Land of Thorns?"

"Sure!" and unicorn magic floated that darn book back into my immediate presence. Warning bells went off in my head.

"Oh, thank you! It is truly the most wonderful novel!"

"I'm sorry to say, I've never read it." Twilight actually looked apologetic.

"What?!" Rarity, meet unexpected reality. "Oh, we can't have that, my dear! Oh, I just had the perfect idea! Why don't I read it aloud, right here?"

"Why Rarity, I'd love that!" No, Twilight, you probably wouldn't.

So I skootched next to Rarity and whispered, "Is that really a good idea? I mean, there are children present."

"Oh Raydence!" Rarity proclaimed loudly, "They can't be sheltered from the world forever! It's time they challenged themselves!"

Eeeeyeah. Challenge yourself. I was actually kind of shocked at Rarity's level of insensitivity here, but then again she wouldn't be the first pony who lowers all standards in the presence of a favorite book. I saw no way to rescue Pinkie Pie and Spike would probably hate me for it, so I knew the only thing I could do was save myself. I just happened to think I heard Surprise calling me and excused myself faster than a speeding bullet.

I stopped outside the library to take a breath. Then I took five paces and suddenly had something blue staring me right in the face.

"Hold it right there, buster!" Blustered Rainbow Dash. I couldn't help but smile. She had her hooves on my shoulders. It was to hold me in place, but I was aware it looked like something else.

So I hugged her and said, "Why Rainbow Dash, I didn't know you were such a huggy pony!"

"I am not a huggy pony!" She batted my hoo--er, hands--away. Then she pressed a hoof against my nose and said, "Now, suppose you explain these rumors I've heard!"

"What rumors?"

"You made Pinkie Pie act like a dog!"

"I didn't make her, she did that all by herself."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Actually, yeah."

I think it was because I didn't hesitate and delivered my reply in such an unemotional way, but it seemed almost to deflate Rainbow Dash and release some of her tension. Her hoof dropped, her eyes lost that suspicious glare. Her voice went, "Oh." Then she was like, "So where is she now?"

"In the library, having her innocence scarred for life."

"What does that mean?"

"Rarity is reading her Blown Away in the Land of Thorns."

"Ewwww!" Rainbow Dash made that gagging face, then shook her head, "Hold on Pinkie Pie, I'm coming!" and there the blue pony went.

Five minutes later, Rainbow Dash staggered out of the library with that look where her pupils get really small and her mouth looks like its melted. Her every step looked like she was about to take a tumble, and her wings weren't fully retracted. They looked frazzled, even. So I came up next to her and asked, "That bad, huh?"

She kinda slowly turned her head up at me like she was acknowledging me without seeing me, if that made any sense. Then, all the sudden she jumped up and grabbed my shoulders and buried her head in my chest and started crying and I was like okay, what's this? So many questions...

I patted her on the back and suddenly she cried out, "Why would you put a hedgehog there? Why?"

"Hey hey, it's okay! Aren't any hedgehogs here! More importantly, what happened to Pinkie Pie?"

"Pin..." the mention of Pinkie looked like it shocked Rainbow Dash back to her senses. "Pinkie... Oh yeah. When I came in, Pinkie and Spike were already climbing out the back window."

"Huh."

"Huh what?"

"That's the first thing Pinkie did that made complete sense."

"... Huh."

Rainbow Dash let go of me. She kind of flew off in a half-haze, and I wondered if I should go after her or if I should say something. But then I saw two other ponies stop and talk to Dash and Dash talked back and they had a conversation going.

Then, I really did hear Surprise calling me.

I was ready to sit down. Travel, adventure, meeting ponies are all good and fun, but the nicest thing is always being able to go home and share your story with someone at the end of the day. So Surprise and I split some nutterberry pie.

"This turned out excellent!" I let her know. She didn't show it, but I could feel the joy radiating from within her. She still had that touch of youth, that part of her that would never die.

After that, I got to telling her about my day, and all the little hiccups I almost had thanks to a little book called Blown Away in the Land of Thorns. Surprise laughed a lot during my story, and when I was done she rolled over with laughter. One slice of nutterberry pie later, Surprise said, "And to think this would've all been avoided if you had read the book."

So I was like, "Huh?"

Surprise smirked. "Blown Away in the Land of Thorns is the first book in a legendary children's series."

"No kidding?"

"It's about a unicorn who has the ability to lay golden eggs."

Insert brief pause here.

"Then, that illustration I saw...?"

"The griffons were about to cut her open."

"That sounds kind of violent for a children's book."

"Well yeah, the Blown Away series is from the dark age of literature, where all books were self-published and there were no standards. It was anything goes. Blown Away is often called the series that forced literature to reassess its standards."

That sent a dark suspicion down my spine. "You mean...?"

"Yep. Those books are legendary for being utterly terrible."

I couldn't help a chuckle. A moment later, I said, "I guess you really shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

"That's the lesson you took home from this?"

"Why, what lesson would you have learned?"

"Don't trust Rarity's taste in books."

~See You Next Scene!~

Bonus Scene - The Griffon Meat Spectacular
View Online

Surprise Days

Bonus Scene - The Griffon Meat Spectacular

BUT FIRST!

Some words from the author

This story, "the Griffon Meat Spectacular" was originally going to be Scene 3 of Surprise Days.

The reason it wasn't was because, well... I felt it came too soon. I'm not really sure how to explain it without spoilers, so if you want details, skip to the Afterward. For everyone else, all I can say is this:

I STRONGLY SUGGEST that you read "An Underground Surprise," "A Witch Among Us," and "Blueblood Hunts the Wumpus" BEFORE reading this story.

Got it?

Good.

~ Surprise Days ~

By NoGiantRobots1983

Bonus Scene

The Griffon Meat Spectacular!

~ Let's Begin! ~

The wind washing over you, the clouds rushing by, and the ground thousands of feet below, that's the griffon way!

Gilda couldn't help performing a double-inside-out-loop. She knew that little bro Glider was watching, and he hung on every little thing his sis did. Who wouldn't want to show off? She ended her trick by gently gliding to a stop atop a cloud. Glider watched from there, his little baseball cap turned backwards the way kids think are so hip, and he was clapping his griffon hands like a happy little... well, griffon. "That was great, Sis! You're awesome!"

"Thank you, thank you!" Gilda bowed like she had just won an award. And as she bowed, she happened to look through a hole in the clouds. Something caught her attention.

Glider wondered "What's the matter, sis?"

"Just a minute!" Gilda flitted through the hole and to the cloud below, which had a cloud-house on it. "I've been here before! Yeah! This is Rainbow Dash's place!"

"Rainbow Dash? That pony you broke it off with?"

"Eh..." Gilda thought for a minute. "I didn't really 'break it off', just I didn't want to see her for awhile. You know how it is."

"I don't understand."

"It's... complicated." Gilda glanced through the open door, and then said "Ya know what, I'm gonna go talk to her, catch up on old times. You can tag along if you want, but don't cramp my style, kid!"

"Awwright!" Glider bounced, and then took off ahead of his sister. Kids were always so enthusiastic. Gilda suppressed a smile as she made flight.

The question was, if Dash wasn't at home, then where was she? Rainbow Dash was one of those ponies who just went where she wanted. If she wanted to sleep on a cloud, or a tree branch, or on somepony's roof, who could stop her? Her home was just a place she stored stuff, and Rainbow Dash was almost the polar opposite of a hoarder. That's why she left her door open all the time--she didn't have anything any creature would want.

So where was that Rainbow Dash?

Wait a minute! Was that...?

Gilda circled around and flew down for a closer look. Yes, that was her! She was in the back yard of some cottage, standing with a pair of pegasi. Gilda thought the yellow one looked familiar, but couldn't quite place where she had seen her. The white one with the green mane was a new face altogether. Oh well, who cares.

Gilda came to a full stop almost right next to Dash. That yellow pegasus went "EEP!" and hid under the chicken coop, but that white pegasus fixed her eyes on the griffon and kept them there. Having one more admirer didn't phase Gilda one bit.

"Yo, Dash! 'Sup?" Gilda spoke as cockily as she could, even though could see in Dash's reaction that this was not gonna be an easy reunion.

Dash answered with a guarded "What do you want, Gilda?"

Come what may, Gilda determined to keep her cool. Couldn't look bad in front of little bro! "Oh, I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to see how my old buddy was doin'!"

"Really? Here I thought I was 'Queen Lame-o'!"

"Oh, that? That was just talk, you know. I wasn't feeling well and said a lot of things I... ummm..." Ugh, no. Bad line of talk. That sounded disgustingly like an apology. Gilda was too cool for that sappy stuff! "I was just about to show my kid bro some awesome moves. Then it hit me: wanna have a contest?"

Dash quickly glanced at the kid griffon, and she thought about it for a moment. Then, just as Dash was about to give an answer...

"OUCH!"

Something had bit Gilda's wing! From the feel of it, that something had tough jaws! Gilda looked and couldn't believe her eyes: the biter was that green-haired white pegasus! "What the...?"

Even Dash was taken aback. "Surprise, what do you think you're doing?"

That white pegasus let go of the wing and licked her lips. Then she spoke, seemingly to herself: "Blend of vodka and whiskey, a sprinkle of parsley sauce, butter the skin, roast on medium for about forty five minutes..." A sudden hop and the white pegasus pointed a hoof at Gilda and said "You'd make a fine turkey dinner!"

Gilda cocked an eyebrow. "Uh-huh."

Dash said "Just pretend she isn't here."

That was easier said than done, because the very next thing that pegasus did was went to talk to that yellow pony. That dumb horse didn't even try to keep quiet, and Gilda easily heard her ask that yellow one about an axe.

Dash grabbed Gilda's head and faced it toward herself. "Ignore her. Surprise goes off like this sometimes."

"She said something about an axe."

"She's just playing."

Then Surprise shouted "FOUND ONE!" Both Dash and Gilda looked in time to see Surprise reach over her shoulder and into that magical inventory space ponies seem to always have just on the side that you can't see, and pull out an axe!

Even Dash looked worried now. "Uhh, Surprise..."

Then the axe came down, and just barely missed clipping Gilda's talons! Gilda's mind drew a blank: She had never been in real danger before. She certainly never thought "real danger" would take the form of a pony with an axe! The whole thing was just so surreal that she couldn't think straight. All she could do was back away as the pegasus stepped forward with a menacing gait.

Then Rainbow Dash tackled Surprise to the ground, and shouted "Hurry, I can't hold her for long!"

Gilda could tell: Dash was putting all her weight, all her strength, into keeping Surprise down, and yet that green-haired pegasus was still putting up one heck of a fight! Gilda had no doubt that she'd break free any minute. So she gave Dash a hasty thumbs-up and then yelled "Glider, take off!" as she herself launched into the sky. To her relief, Glider had proved unexpectedly sharp and had taken to the air the minute he saw trouble, and the two griffons took off as far and as fast as they could. They kept going until their wings got tired, and only then did Gilda allow herself to look back. To her great relief, that psycho-pegasus had been left far behind.

She could hear Glider panting like a little dog, but finally he managed to ask "Do ponies really eat us?"

"I... don't know."

Gilda needed to lay down. She spread out on the cloud, and rested her head against the soft fluffiness. The whole scene kept replaying in her mind: the pegasus with the axe, her utter astonishment in the face of true danger, Rainbow Dash coming to her rescue...

Rainbow Dash coming to my rescue...

"So I guess you and that Rainbow pony are still friends, huh?" Glider asked.

Gilda softly smiled. "Yeah, we're still friends."

Perhaps that was why Gilda decided to visit Dash again the next day. Her first order of business was to leave Glider in the capable claws of family, then she flew out over that cottage. Dash wasn't there today, so Gilda flew over Ponyville. Hmm, no Dash there either. Gilda perched on top of a chimney and took a look around. A wild hunch hit her that maybe she'd find Dash at that farm just outside of town. She did recall Dash hanging out with some farmer pony.

Gilda took flight and headed for it. Paydirt! There was Dash, but uh-oh, there was also that crazy pegasus! Gilda had already forgotten her name, but not her face. But the peg looked like she was minding her own business and was nowhere near Dash. Maybe this will go off without a hitch.

Gilda circled around to a stop again. "Yo, Dash!"

"Hey Gilda," Dash's voice still had that "I don't really wanna talk to you" ring about it, but Gilda wasn't about to let that stop her.

"So how about it, wanna have a flying contest?"

"I dunno. I've got... things I've got to do. Right Applejack?"

That farm pony with the hat said "Uhh, yeah. Dash was gonna help me harvest the celery stalks."

"Okay..." Gilda could sense the dodge, but she didn't want to seem too pushy. "How about tomorrow then? My bro is really looking forward to it!"

"I think I'm--Gilda, watch out!"

The warning came just in time! If she had been a second slower, Gilda would be missing a wing right now! She didn't need to be told who the attacker was: that crazy pony had seen her.

"All right, you!" Gilda was about ready to attack, but that pony Applejack rushed ahead of her and shouted "Don't worry, ah got it!"

Applejack leaped, and she and the crazy axe-carrying pegasus were wrapped in a dust cloud for a total of three seconds. When the dust cleared, the pegasus was on her back, hog-tied, with Applejack standing triumphant over her! "That there is the super-duper-triple-hangpony's-knot! Nopony in the history of Equestria has ever escaped from it! Don't you worry, Gilda! She ain't gettin' out unless Ah get her out!"

Dash beamed with confidence, "Oh, and you're gonna love this: Even if she does break loose, Surprise can't fly! Seems her wings stopped working when she was about my age."

Gilda puffed out her chestfeathers and declared, "I'm not scared of her! If that pony hadn't gotten to her first, I would've ripped her to pieces!"

"IS THAT SO?"

Gilda jumped! Somehow, Surprise was still able to bounce on her back. Upside down, she had bounced in the air and shouted that in Gilda's ear! The shock caused Gilda to involuntarily spread her wings.

Then Surprise did something unusual: she spat out two pink balls, one after the other, and both hit the undersides of Gilda's wings. Reflexively she closed them. Then Gilda pulled them open, only for the pink gunk to hold them shut!

"Super-sticky bubble-gum! Now neither of us can fly!"

Gilda was just about tired of this. "Yeah, whatever. You can't get out of that triple-hang-whatever knot anyway." There was a confidence, almost arrogance in the Griffon's voice, but it slowly faltered as she saw that strange smile that spread across Surprise's face.

Applejack saw it too, and said "I say she's bluffing--"

Then somehow Surprise bounced five feet into the air and did a triple-spin, and as she spun the rope holding her legs simply flung off! Surprise landed on all fours. And, with no explanation whatsoever, her mouth once more had that axe!

Applejack's jaw was dropping, and Gilda backed away. Rainbow Dash shook her head and said "I'm not it!" before tackling Surprise to the ground. At first, Dash was cocky: "Just like yesterday!" but then Surprise came to her feet and knocked the blue pegasus off like she was a playtoy!

Dash didn't take this lying down. She tackled Surprise again and called out "Applejack, help me!" and within microseconds the farm-pony was helping her. Even then, the two of them looked like they weren't having it easy. Between grunts, Applejack said "Ah can't believe its takin' the both of us to handle a pegasus what can't even fly!"

Gilda was in disbelief: "Is this some kind of a joke? There's no way that pony can be so strong!"

But apparently there was a way, for no sooner had Gilda said that than Surprise stood proud, knocking off both of Ponyville's resident athletes! As she put her axe in her hooves, Surprise approached menacingly toward Gilda and said "These ponies have it too easy. I've had a difficult life, and its made me strong!"

Then the axe swung, but Gilda was already running. The griffon managed to get a head start, because Surprise had trouble pulling the axe out of the wood she had hit by accident. Even so, Gilda could feel her weaknesses: she had always depended on her wings for travel, and while those were strong, her legs were comparatively weak, and clumsy. Once or twice Gilda nearly tripped. The second time, she looked back to see if that crazy horse was following her. She was!

"Feet, don't fail me now!"

Ahead of her, Gilda saw a path. She took off down it, and kept going, not even daring to look back. And the further she went, the more she forced herself to ignore the pain of exerting her less-used limbs.

The pain was too much. Gilda realized with horror that she couldn't keep this up! What to do, what to do? Without thinking about it, Gilda looked back.

Wait, where had Surprise gone?

Apparently, the pegasus had lost her trail somehow, because Gilda heard her say "All right, where did you go? Here, turkey turkey turkey..." Normally Gilda would've brutalized anypony who dared call her a "turkey," but she wasn't about to risk a confrontation now.

Gilda's sharp eagle-eyes quickly spied a solution: a hollow log a ways off the path. It would be a tight fit, but it was better than staying out in the open. Gilda made for it, fit her way in (working backwards, so she could see out) and finally allowed herself as much rest as being stalked by a madpony would allow.

When Gilda saw Surprise again, her first thought was to go back even further into the log. But any sort of movement could alert Surprise to her presence, so she decided to risk it and stay as still as griffonly possible.

The gamble payed off: Surprise looked around, even looked straight at the log, and didn't see a thing. So she head off further down the road. Even seeing Surprise become a distant figure, Gilda didn't want to risk moving until the pegasus was completely gone.

"Gilda?"

That sounded like Rainbow Dash! She was speaking low, which meant she must be close. Gilda waited until she heard it again to be sure, then answered "Dash?"

Dash landed right in front of the log and asked "Where are you?"

"Right behind you."

Dash turned around and happened to look right into the log. "Oh, good. I was afraid Surprise had gotten you!"

"Nah!" Gilda worked her way out of the log. "I'm too clever for her!"

"I see ya found her," that was Applejack, coming up from the rear. "Now let's get this gunk off her wings so she can fly away!"

Dash was already holding one of Gilda's wings open for that very reason. Gilda tried to reach under and pick at the "super sticky bubble-gum" with her beak, but just before she touched it she saw Dash swing a hoof at it, and then a bit of it stuck to Dash's hoof. "Ugh!" went the Dash, as she pulled back farther and farther, until finally the gunk snapped off her hoof and sent her flying into a tree! For five seconds, all Dash could see or hear were cuckoo birds flying around her head.

Applejack put a hoof to her chin and considered the problem. Finally she said "Ah have an idea! I once heard that if ya leave a coin in a cup of soda for a while, it'll wash the gunk off. Maybe it'll work for this stuff too?"

Gilda had to make sure she understood: "So I need to take a soda bath?"

"It's worth a try, anyway."

And Dash said "I know just the place!"

The ponies and Gilda tried their best to keep a low profile as they wandered into Ponyville. Somewhere along the way they had found a cloak of sorts, and wrapped Gilda in it. It didn't cover her talons, but they just had to hope nopony noticed or if they did, that they didn't say anything.

The arrangement at Sugarcube Corner was kind of strange: there was the front door, and then they had recently built a walkway leading up to a special entrance for Pinkie Pie's room. This was specifically so her friends could visit and party without disturbing Mr. and Mrs. Cake. For Dash and Applejack, it proved to be convenience itself.

When Pinkie Pie answered the knock, she cried out "Oh hey Rainbow Dash! What's up? Whose your mystery friend?"

Pinkie Pie was talking at normal volume, but at that moment "normal" for Pinkie Pie just seemed too loud, so Dash told her to quiet down. And then pulled back Gilda's hood.

"GAAAAAAAAAAASP! Gilda!"

Dash couldn't shut Pinkie's mouth fast enough. "Quiet! We need to give Gilda a soda bath. Surprise put some stuff on her wings that's keeping her from flying. And keep it down!"

Dash uncovered Pinkie's mouth, and the pink pony was looking suspiciously at the griffon. "But I thought I was miss Queen Lame-O. Why should I help her?"

Applejack said "Because n' Surprise is tryin' to kill her, that's why!"

All at once Pinkie's demeanor changed, and she said "Why didn't you say so? Come in come in come in!" and once they were inside, Pinkie Pie said "I'll start filling up the bath tub!"

But Gilda said "Wait a minute. How do I know you're not sellin' me out?"

"Selling you out?" Pinkie Pie cocked an eyebrow.

Dash realized Pinkie had never heard the term before and explained "It means 'turning traitor'."

Applejack then told Gilda "Pinkie don't really like Surprise."

"That's right!" Pinkie chimed in. "There's something wrong with that pony! I don't know what it is, but I can feel it! Why, I hate her so much I didn't even throw a party for her!"

Gilda couldn't help being underwhelmed.

But she didn't have time to think about it much, because almost immediately a weird call came from outside. It was muffled, but Pinkie opened a window to hear better. And hear better they did:

"Has anyone seen Gilda?"

Gilda gasped, "That's Glider!" and without waiting for anypony's response, she jumped out the window and went to meet her bro, who was standing right smack-dab in the middle of town, crying out for her!

"Glider!" Gilda cried out, "Hide!"

Then Gilda saw to her horror that it was too late: Right behind Glider was Surprise, coming up full speed, still holding that axe!

Oh no, no!

No way! Heck with the pain in her legs! Gilda took off as fast as she could, leaped right over Glider and right as she landed, attacked Surprise with a mighty swipe of her talons! And to show for it, the pegasus had five great scars across her face!

Surprise looked mad now, but Gilda didn't care anymore:

"Chasing me is one thing, but when you go after my bro, you're asking for it!" Then Gilda swiped the axe right from Surprise's mouth, broke it over her knee and threw it off to the side. Then she leaped!

The result was the worst street fight Ponyville had ever seen! Griffon was attacking with all she had, Pegasus was hoofing with the best of them! One was on top, and then the other! A push, a shove, a stab, a kick!

Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie ran to the fore. Glider wanted to jump into the fray, but Applejack held him back. The dust picked up, the combatants became obscured in sillouhette...

And when the dust settled, Gilda had Surprise in a choke hold, and it was clear she meant murder.

Dash stepped forward, and said "Gilda, wait!"

"Don't try to stop me, Dash!"

Then Applejack said "Gilda, if ya do that, you'll never be welcome in pony society ever again!"

"And if I don't, she'll attack again! And whose gonna protect Glider once I'm gone? No way, it ends here!"

And Gilda readied the finishing blow...

Nopony knew how it happened, but suddenly Gilda was sent flying back. Surprise followed, kicked her again before she even hit the ground, knocked her into a wall and then just kept juggling her, until Gilda's strength was completely gone. Only then did Surprise let the griffon fall to the ground, where she was so weak she was even unable to come to her feet.

As Surprise looked over her, Glider broke free of Applejack's grip and came to his sister's side. Trying his darndest to look fierce, the little fellah said "Now you gotta fight me! Come on, put 'em up!"

Surprise looked at him for a moment, then at Gilda. When Surprise spoke, Gilda was vaguely aware that Surprise's voice had changed. Formerly high-pitched and girlish-sounding, it was now low, soft and mature.

Surprise said "I wasn't coming at him. I was coming at you, he just happened to be in between us."

All Gilda could do was groan.

So Surprise continued. "I don't hurt children, of any species. That is one line I simply will not cross."

But then Glider barked back "But you are hurting me! When I'm hungry tomorrow, who's gonna show me how to find food? When the big bullies pick on me, who's gonna stand up to them? When a big animal tries to eat me, who's gonna protect me? If Gilda's not here, I'll... I'll be all alone!"

Then there was silence. Even though she made no visible movement or expression, Surprise herself seemed stunned by the child's words. Everypony who stood around watched, wondering what turn events had taken, and wondering what fate had in store for the two griffons. Gilda herself was too weak to move or say much of anything, but even she felt a movement, somewhere in her heart.

Then Surprise dug at the ground. Nopony, and no griffon, understood what she was doing until she caught some worms in her teeth and put them right next to Gilda's beak. Gilda managed to groan out a "huh?"

To which Surprise said "Eat up, get your strength back."

Glider's eyes widened, and filled with water. "You mean... you're not gonna eat my sister?"

Surprise said nor did nothing for a moment, then she said "Now that I think about it, younger griffons don't taste that great anyway. But when you turn 900 or so, watch out!" She said this last line in a playful way.

Glider smiled and hugged the white-furred, green-maned pegasus. "Oh thank you thank you thank you! Did you hear that Gilda? She's not gonna eat you!"

Surprise smiled, and then said "But you know, even if I don't eat her, there are other predators. Your big sis won't always be around. You need to learn to be strong, and the sooner you start, the better. Until then, be safe, kiddo."

Then Surprise walked away, the crowd of ponies parting to accomodate her. Gilda watched her go. The whole time, she wondered if this was a trick, or a delirium. Maybe she was dead and this was some sort of heavenly "what if" scenario playing out. It wasn't until Surprise completely left that Gilda realized she was not dead, dreaming or trapped.

Then she ate a worm, thankful to be alive.

When she was well enough to move, the ponies transported Gilda back to Pinkie Pie's room, where she holed up for a couple of hours until she was well enough to walk. Young Glider eagerly stood by her side the whole time, anxious to see her recovery.

And recover she did! The next day, it was as if the fight had never happened. Except for one thing: the super-sticky gum was still under Gilda's wings. In all the excitement, they had forgotten that. Pinkie, it turned out, simply did not have enough soda to fill a bath tub, so they tried putting just a bottle on the gum. That seemed to do nothing.

Then Applejack suggested "Maybe Twilight will know!" and so it was on to the library. There they found Twilight doing what she always did: reading.

So Rainbow Dash explained the problem, and Twilight said "That certainly is an interesting predicament. I've never heard of this 'Super-Sticky-Bubble-Gum' stuff."

"But can you get rid of it?" Dash asked.

"Well... I've got some super-dissolver in my lab, but that can melt through skin. If you want to risk it..."

Before Gilda could make up her mind on that matter, the library door opened again and Surprise began to walk in, but when she saw who was there she said (still in mature-voice) "Oh, I guess I came at a bad time. I'll come back later."

"Not so fast!" Rainbow Dash caught Surprise and pulled her inside. "You put that sticky stuff on Gilda's wings, maybe you know how to get it off!"

"The super-sticky bubble gum?"

"Yeah!"

Surprise looked at Twilight and said "What you need is salt. Just rub it on the gum, and it'll turn to sand and lose its adhesive properties. After that, you can just wash it off."

"On it!" Twilight went to the kitchen and back in the blink of an eye.

And lo and behold, what Surprise said turned out to be the truth. The gum came off, exactly as the pegasus had said it would. Gilda jubilantly stretched her wings and circled around the library, accidentally blowing a few books off the shelves and not even batting an eye. "Oh yeah! Gilda the Griffon is back in action!"

Rainbow Dash said "Awesome!"

Gilda happened to spy Surprise trying to sneak out the door, and rushed to block her exit. "Hey wait a minute, I wanna have a word with you!" Gilda puffed up as much as she could, then spoke. "I always thought of myself as a tough bird, and I thought nothing could take me down. I never thought I would say this, but I was wrong. You took me down. You showed me how weak I was. And I can't stand that."

Surprise stood stock still, while the other ponies and Glider worried that the battle was about to begin again, and so soon after big sis had gotten better!

Then Gilda said "So from now on, I'm gonna get stronger! I will become the strongest griffon in the world! And when I do, I'll be back for a rematch! No holds barred! To the finish!"

Glider bounced happily, "Me too! I'll be the second strongest griffon in the world!"

Then Dash smirked and asked "Hey, what about that big race?"

"That's after the fight!" Gilda smiled and winked at Dash. "See ya around, Ponies! Come on Glider, let's get tough!"

"Yeah!"

And the two griffons took off into the air together. Glider looked back to see the ponies becoming distant, colored specks. But for Gilda, there was only one destination: Up, higher and higher, until she was at the very top!

In her mind's eye, Gilda saw pictures of the future. Fighting dragons, winning championships, being one of the most famous athletes of all time. And perhaps she had the ability to predict the future, because as she got older a lot of the things she imagined that day came to pass.

Indeed, by the time she was old enough to taste good, she had become a figure of legend, and it was often said that the only sorrow in her life was that her rematch with Surprise never happened.

~ See you next Scene! ~

~ And now, the Afterword! ~

To tell you the truth, I really liked this story. But you probably see why I considered it... damaging. For those who just skipped down here, I'll explain: basically, when I first showed this to beta-readers, it garnered a lot of comparisons to the infamous Cupcakes. That's... not what I wanted. The problem was timing: this was only Scene 3, readers didn't really know who Surprise was yet. It was like if you watched Lesson Zero or Party of One before seeing how Twilight or Pinkie behave in other, more typical situations--your expectations would be completely different, and you'd come away with the wrong message.

There's no excuse now. We've seen Surprise cook nutterberry pies, become Fluttershy's other best friend, beat up witches and evil bee-people, reform Blueblood, make inspiring speeches, dance with humans and other things that should've set readers right. For that reason I feel its safe to show "Griffon Meat" to the world.

And anyway, I'm currently working on the last Surprise Days story, "Walking a Tightrope," which will be a heartwarming piece garaunteed to melt off any negative residue you may have picked up. That should be posted before the year is out.

I'll see ya there!

Scene 7 - Walking a Tightrope, Part 1
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Surprise Days

Scene 7 - Walking a Tightrope, Part 1

~ Surprise Days ~

by NoGiantRobots1983

Scene 7

Walking a Tightrope

Part One

~ Let's Begin! ~

"What in tarnation?..."

"Is he okay?"

Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity and Twilight Sparkle stood over a particularly unsettling sight: a colt had collapsed at the edge of town. None of them had ever seen this colt before. They would surely remember if they had, for the unconscious boy had a green mane with a purple outline, almost resembling a punk rocker, and tan fur with white spots that shined in the sun. Surely they would remember seeing a pony such as this. But what was even more important was this youngster's health. Twilight Sparkle put her horn close to the colt's chest.

"I sense life, but it's faint. I think if I can channel enough power..." Twilight stopped speaking, and her horn started to glow. There was a small twinkle of magic, and then all ethereal phenomenon ceased. The ponies looked for a moment, wondering if the spell had worked.

Then the colt groaned. "Food..."

"Here, sugarcube!" Applejack pulled out a pair of apples and placed them in front of the colt. The colt immediately reached out and began working his teeth on one apple, which he finished quickly before doing the same to the other. Then he looked up at Applejack.

"Need more, Sugarcube?"

"Y-yes, please, if I may..."

Applejack obliged, watching the young one worriedly and hopefully. By the third apple, the colt had come to a sitting position and was eating faster and more ravenously. By the eighth, he was eating slower, and after finishing the tenth, the colt said, "Oh, it feels so good to be full again!" Then the colt turned his green eyes up at Applejack and said, "Please, lady, let me repay you somehow!"

"T'aint no need for that..." Applejack said.

"But I insist! One can't have something for nothing!"

Then Rarity asked, "Are you good at anything?"

The colt briskly turned towards her, and said, "I'm good at a lot of things! Cooking, cleaning, sewing, carpentry, I've even studied a couple of magic theorems!"

Twilight Sparkle put a hoof to her chin. "But... you're an earth pony."

"Even so, magic is just such a fascinating subject!"

Applejack smiled. "Sounds like a right regular child prodigy!"

The colt's ears dropped a bit, as if this complement held a meaning he didn't like. "Ummm... I'm not bragging, am I?"

"Not at all!" Fluttershy reassured him. "But you haven't told us your name yet. I'm Fluttershy."

"My name is Tightrope."

"I am Rarity. Tightrope, did I hear you say you're good at sewing?"

"Why yes, I did say that!"

Rarity glanced at Applejack, told the farmpony, "I have a large order I have to fill. It would probably be a lot faster if I had more than one set of hooves."

Applejack smiled. "All right. Kid, ya wanna pay me back for the apples, help out mah friend Rarity here."

"I shall do my best!" The colt declared with the kind of enthusiasm only a youngster could have.

It was settled, then. The youngster came home with Rarity, and the first thing he got was a thorough wash. After making sure the colt didn't want any more food or a moment of naptime, Rarity set him right to work. Actually, she had intended to instruct him in the basics of clothes-making, but to Rarity's amazement there was no need. Tightrope simply looked at her design sketches, grabbed the appropriate materials and began sewing a dress together. Although he did not have the benefit of unicorn magic, his technique with his mouth and hooves was so nimble and swift that Rarity came to suspect that all this time, she'd been doing it the hard way!

Applejack was right, the pony of fashion thought to herself, this boy really is some kind of child prodigy.

At precisely four o-clock that afternoon, Rarity and Tightrope both hung the last of their hoof-made outfits on hangars. They had each made six identical outfits, and it was nearly impossible to tell which ones had been sewn by Rarity and which by Tightrope. "I must say I'm impressed," Rarity complimented the foal.

"I'm glad."

Rarity was about to ask Tightrope a question, when suddenly there was the sound of a bell. It was the bell that rings whenever the front door opens, alerting Rarity to a visitor (or, hopefully, a customer). Rarity turned to see her guess was right on the money. The customer was Surprise, and she was carrying a tattered hat.

Rarity floated the hat onto a desk. "Pinkie Pie again?"

"Yup."

"Oh dear. I simply don't know what's come over that pony. She never used to act like a dog. Do you think something's wrong with her?"

"I have a theory," Surprise paused for a moment, her eyes floated across the newly made dresses. She opened her mouth to say something, but was caught in mid-breath when her eyes fell on Tightrope, sitting there uncertainly, watching the adults.

The minute Surprise saw Tightrope, she seemed to warm and soften. Her body, usually carried with a sort of tension, seemed to relax. All guard was lowered, and her eyes developed an inviting glow. And when she spoke, even her voice was different. It was as if Surprise was an entirely different pony. Her first words of greeting to the young spotted colt were a simple, "Hello there."

Tightrope took a few cautious steps foreward. He seemed almost like a kitten now, wanting to approach the new pony and investigate but being just a mite timid. He returned the greeting, "H-hallo."

Rarity sensed the feeling, and trying to speak softly herself as to not disrupt the air, she explained, "This is Tightrope. He helped me sew the dresses, in return for Applejack giving him ten apples."

"Big eater?" Surprise softly teased.

"Oh no!" Tightrope answered. "It was because I was lost in the Everfree Forest for a couple of days. There wasn't any food, because a swarm of parasprites had just been through."

"Goodness!" Surprise said, "How did you survive?"

"Oh, I... remembered that Canterlot is right beneath the great bear. So every night I checked my position and made sure I was walking in the right direction. I knew I'd end up somewhere."

Surprise stroked the little colt's mane. "Good thinking!"

Tightrope's ears drooped. "I... don't mean to brag."

Surprise smiled, pinched his ears, and told him, "It's cute when you do that."

As Tightrope blushed, Rarity raised a pertinent question: "Shouldn't we contact your parents, Tightrope? Let them know you've been found?"

The expression Tightrope shot up mystified Rarity. He seemed to be scared. But then his ears drooped again and he looked down. "I... don't have parents anymore. My dad died when I was little, and my mom... five days ago, lightning struck my house and it caught fire. Everything burned. I didn't see my mom come out."

Surprise picked up the little spotted colt and hugged him sympathetically. Tightrope at first made a look like what's going on? But within moments a warmth came over him, and he hugged the old pegasus right back. It was a sight that was sending butterflies through Rarity's heart.

Surprise said, "From now on, you can stick with me, Tightrope."

Rarity put a hoof on Surprise's shoulder. "Are you sure, Surprise? Taking care of a child is a huge responsibility. Do you have enough space in your little house?"

"Of course I do."

"What will Raydence say?"

"Raydence'll love him!"

Rarity saw then that Surprise had water in her eyes, and a small smile on her face. Even though Rarity had one more question, she figured it would just have to wait. Clearly, Surprise wanted this. Wanted this more, possibly, than she wanted anything else. So instead Rarity lowered her head to see what Tightrope thought.

The young colt was clutching Surprise tightly. His eyes were closed, but water still came out of them, and a smile prevailed upon his face.

It was fifteen minutes after that, when Raydence was about to leave the house. But just as he was about to open the door, he saw Surprise jump in through an open window. As he turned to greet her, he immediately noticed something odd. There was a colt upon Surprise's back. "I can't place it," Raydence said jokingly, "But I get the funny feeling you've developed a hump."

Surprise chuckled, then said, "Tightrope, meet Raydence. Raydence, Tightrope."

"Yo," Raydence scruffled the colt's mane, which got the kid to chuckle. Then he asked Surprise, "We taking up babysitting now?"

"Nope! Tightrope's your new younger brother. I don't want to see any sibling rivalry, now!"

Tightrope had already jumped off of Surprise's back and latched his hooves around Raydence's shoulders, but the colt wasn't trying to hug the human--he was trying to climb up! Raydence put his arms under the kid so he wouldn't fall, and stood patiently as the colt examined him. When Tightrope said, "Show me your teeth!" Raydence did just that. Tightrope even lifted up those bangs that cover Raydence's eyes and looked at them. Tightrope said, "Clearly sapient, but no natural advantages. I can't tell by your teeth if you're a carnivore or a herbivore."

Raydence told him, "Human beings are kinda everything-ivores."

That seemed to impress the colt. "An omnivorous species! Whoa..." Tightrope looked at Surprise, "Is he well behaved?"

Raydence placed Tightrope back on Surprise's back, and said, "Not at all."

Surprise chuckled. "Don't worry. Humans don't eat ponies." She jokingly added, "We taste terrible."

Tightrope chuckled.

Surprise put a hoof to her chin and said, "Now to work out sleeping arrangements." The house Surprise and Raydence occupied was a small thing. It was actually one big room, save for two exceptions, and the only visible division between the den and the kitchen was a counter that formed half a line between them. There were plenty of windows, and they were almost always open. In the den area, there was a small, cheap-looking sofa. Surprise pointed and said, "Raydence usually sleeps on that." Then she walked past the counter and indicated a pair of doors. One door opened into a closet whose only occupant was a giant stuffed panda on the floor. Even though it was a closet, it was pretty roomy. Surprise walked into it and curled up like a cat on the belly of the panda, and here said, "This is where I usually sleep."

"You sleep in a closet?" Tightrope asked.

"Yeah. It's... something I started doing as a little filly and never really grew out of. Besides, Mr. Panda here is really soft and--hey!"

Tightrope jumped into the closet, and curled up against Surprise, like a kitten cuddling beneath its mother. Two cuddly round balls of joys, hunched together in a closet, both so peaceful, so comfortable, and so dang cute! It was a sight to send butterflies into one's heart. Raydence had to turn away and get a cup of water before the overwhelming adorableness gave him diabetes.

Tightrope asked, "So what's that next room?"

"Oh, umm, there's just a washbasin in there, and some soap..."

"Okay." Tightrope yawned, and rested his head.

Raydence pointed out, "It's not even night yet."

Tightrope said, "I know. I'm just testing it." Yet even though he said that, Tightrope didn't bother to get up. Raydence tried to talk to the colt again five minutes later, but the little fellah was already fast asleep.

Raydence looked at Surprise, and asked, "So, what's the story?"

"He lost his home and his mother in a fire. Rarity and some others found him collapsed on the edge of Ponyville. They fed him in return for some work, and then I showed up and... things just went from there."

"Ah."

"Isn't he wonderful, Raydence?"

"Yeah," Raydence half-smiled. "I do have a few questions though."

"Questions like...?"

"Like... so, we're settling down in Ponyville, or are we gonna take him with us when we move on?"

Surprise's eyes fell away from Raydence until she was staring blankly at the stuffed panda's foot. "I... don't know."

"Don't worry about it," Raydence said with a wave. "You have plenty of time to figure it out. I was gonna go hang out at the library. See ya later."

Seconds later, Raydence was out the door, leaving the dusty white pegasus alone, alone except for a sleeping spotted colt. Surprise let a few idle questions run through her noggin, and then she layed her head down and also went to sleep. The two didn't even need a blanket. Their mutual warmth was enough.

When Surprise awoke the next morning, there was a plate on the counter with two apples, and a note saying, "Thought you might need this. -R."

It had been a day where the local pegasi had allowed the clouds to come in. Tomorrow it would rain, but for today all it would do is be overcast and cloudy. And yet that didn't stop several foals--Tightrope included--from heading to the park. Surprise walked him to the edge of the park, and from there he bravely walked alone. He had just put a hoof in a sandpit when an orange pegasus filly reached out and grabbed him with a "GARRR!" sound, but then Scootaloo looked confused and said, "You're not Apple Bloom!"

Then Apple Bloom pounced on Scoots from behind and said, "Tagged ya!"

Tightrope asked, "What are you playing?"

Scootaloo cheered, "We're playing Sand Monsters! Like from the book, Ninja Hamsters vs. The Sand Monsters!"

Tightrope looked amazed. "You guys like Ninja Hamsters too?!"

Scootaloo said, "Duh, every foal likes Ninja Hamsters!"

"Awesome!" Tightrope stepped into the sandbox, and said, "Hey, can I be a sand monster too?"

"Sure!" Scootaloo allowed Tightrope to lay real flat before she started burying him. "Whenever you feel someone walk on top of you, you jump and say "GARRR!"

"Got it!" Then Tightrope asked, "So, what happens in the Sand Monster book? I don't think I read that one..."

Surprise and Applejack watched from the sidelines. Applejack muttered, "Well lookit that. Looks like he hit it right off with the other young'uns."

"He's a good kid," Surprise answered softly.

The two watched as Sweetie Belle ran onto the sandpit, and got GARRRed by Tightrope, who she then pounced upon like a playful little foal. Rarity saw Surprise and Applejack and trotted to their side, and greeted them by saying, "I can see he made a full recovery."

"Yep."

As they watched the kids play, Rarity turned a question over in her mind, and finally decided to ask. "So, Surprise... are you still going to hunt witches?"

"Not at all," Surprise answered without a moment's hesitation. Then she added, "I mean, unless one shows up here in Ponyville."

"You've already decided?" Rarity was a little shocked, "I mean, you always seemed eager to have your youth back."

Surprise lowered her head a bit, and answered in a low voice. "I was eager, but... things have changed."

"I see. You can't put your own desires ahead of raising a child. That's very commendable."

Surprise hesitated a moment. Then she said, "Actually... it's not even that. I... ten years ago was when I first decided to settle down and start a family, but... I tried again and again, then nothing. A doctor and a local mystic confirmed what I most feared: I had Age-Inducted Infertility."

Applejack gasped, "Oh, sugarcube...!"

Rarity apologetically said, "Oh Surprise, I'm so sorry..."

Tears were in the white pegasus' eyes. "The stallion I was with at the time promised to marry me when I got pregnant. When it didn't happen, we had arguments over who was the defective one, and broke up. Then I moved on to someone else, and still... the night I got the prognosis, I nearly drank myself to death.

"Thank goodness I had Raydence. First he beat me back to my senses, then he reminded me of ancient legends of ponies regaining their youth. One said drinking a certain cocktail at midnight on a full moon, another said facing the sun and saying magic words, still others said there was a magic spring on top of Mt. Majestic. Then I heard a new one from a source I trusted completely, which my source said had actually been suppressed by order of Princess Nightwind-Starts-to-Sing, ruler of Dream Valley."

By this point in her narrative, Surprise's eyes had dried and her demeanor had went from heartbroken to heartlifting. "According to my source, seventy years ago a pony had eaten witch's hair and gone from being a sickly, elderly mare to a whopping athletic teenager! Of course, my source doubted this story at first, but then she discovered that Princess Nightwind-Sta... err, we usually call her Princess Nightsong. Anyway, that Princess Nightsong actually had a bounty out on samples of witch's hair! That got my hopes up. So the first thing I did, I spied around to find any local witch-hunters. Then I followed them. My plan at first was to just wait until they downed a witch and then steal her hair. But when I found out my nose was sensitive to demonic magic, I set out on my own."

An unexpected voice asked, "So what does demonic magic smell like?"

Rarity, Surprise and Applejack all looked down and found to their shock that Tightrope and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were sitting right there, watching them and listening to Surprise's story. Tightrope had been the one to ask about demonic magic, and the three adults were of mixed emotions about kids hearing this story. Surprise glanced at the two around her, and Applejack nudged her and said, "Might as well tell 'im."

So Surprise said, "Demonic magic doesn't really smell like anything. It's totally scentless, but it's so scentless that you can't smell things even when you should."

Scootaloo asked, "So how do you know the difference between demon magic, and just not smelling anything?"

"Because demonic magic makes your nose tingle. If you smell nothing but your nose is tingling, there's either a demon or a witch nearby."

Apple Bloom asked, "Is there a witch here now?"

Surprise sniffed the air. "I don't think so. But if there was, I'd fight it off!"

"Yay!" the three girls raised their hooves in cheer. Tightrope didn't understand why--he, of course, wasn't around for the first witch attack, or the encounter with the Beezoids, or any of the other things that had made Surprise well-known in Ponyville--but he decided that cheering was the right thing to do and joined along with the girls.

Then Scootaloo grabbed Surprise's hoof and said, "But enough about that! We came to ask you how you got your cutie mark!"

Rarity smirked, for this was the first time she had ever seen something embarrass Surprise. That, however, also made her curious to hear the story. Certainly it couldn't be more embarrassing than "my horn just dragged me to a random rock" or the other stories her and her friends had told.

Even so, Surprise seemed unwilling to talk. So Tightrope snuck up beneath and tickled her in the pits of her wings, sending the old pegasus into a laughing fit. She rolled over backwards, and Tightrope climbed onto her belly and continued his vicious assault, all while commanding, "Come on, talk!"

Surprise somehow found the will to pick Tightrope up enough that he couldn't tickle her anymore, and when the giggles left her throat she said, "Let me think about it, okay?"

Tightrope smiled. "Okay!"

Scootaloo wasn't so pleased. "Okay?! Why is that okay? Come on Surprise, why won't you tell us now?"

But Applejack came to the grown pegasus' defense. "Now Scootaloo, if Surprise don't wanna talk, ya'll shouldn't make her! Ah'm sure there's a perfectly good reason she's keepin' a lid on it."

Scoots sighed. "Okay, fine! Guess we'll just have to try the next item on our list. Hey Sweetie Belle, what is the next item on our list?"

"Cutie Mark Crusader Ninja Hamsters!" Sweetie happily announced.

"But there's only three Cutie Mark Crusaders and four Ninja Hamsters..." Scootaloo was about to complain, but the minute the words left her mouth her eyes gravitated towards Tightrope. He, too, was a blank flank.

Tightrope was clearly on the same wavelength. The three girls all had a look like they thought Tightrope would join them, and they'd be happy if he did, and Tightrope announced, "That's me! I'm the fourth Ninja Hamster!"

The kids cheered, and ran off to play some more, picking up sticks and pretending they were ninja hamsters fighting the evil forces of the Cutter and and Kablam, evil warlords from a dark magic dimension or something. Apple Bloom got a little carried away and Applejack had to call out for her to be careful, but otherwise the four kids looked like they were having such a good time, having adventures in that imaginary land only the young ever get to see.

Rarity asked, "I hate to be such a snoop, but now you've got me curious about your cutie mark story."

Surprise's smile faded slightly. In a low voice, she answered, "I was born with mine."

Rarity sat astonished. "Is that kind of thing normal in Dream Valley?"

"No. It's actually how I got my name, and my parents told me it was kind of a big deal. I was born in the town near Moochik Bridge, but we had to move out because reporters and crack researchers wouldn't leave me alone. So we moved to the country until I was five, then we moved to Paradise Estate, and just pretended I'd already discovered my special talent."

Applejack asked, "Do ya'll even know what yer special talent is?"

"Not at all."

Rarity was about to ask a question, but her words never reached the air because at that moment the three adult mares saw something far more interesting than a pony born with a cutie mark. They saw a Pinkie Pie sniffing the ground and making "bow wow" noises. Rarity trotted on over to her pink friend and asked, "What are you doing?"

"Human! I smell human!" Pinkie Pie answered.

"Please tell me you're not going to chew up another one of my fine hats!"

Suddenly there was a tapping noise, and as Pinkie and Rarity looked at where it came from, a stick went flying overhead, and Pinkie ran to fetch it. The journey took her behind some bushes and into a tree-shaded part of the park. The important thing is, she wasn't there to see when Raydence snuck out from behind a completely different set of bushes and swiftly rushed over and whispered to the mares, "Remember, you never saw me!"

Surprise had to ask, "Just what's going on here?"

"Pinkie Pie's gone nuts."

Applejack answered, "Ahh, no. That's just Pinkie being Pinkie."

"You sure?"

"ARF!" Pinkie barked as she came up from behind and wrapped her hooves around Raydence's neck. It was a titanic struggle, man against dog-pony, but he managed to place Pinkie back on the ground without hurting her. Seeing he was clearly in no mood to play, Pinkie instead sat and wagged her tail like she wanted pettings or a biscuit.

As if experimenting, Raydence cautiously commanded, "Roll over!"

Pinkie rolled over. Raydence smirked.

"Play dead!"

Pinkie rolled onto her back, closed her eyes and lay there, light as a feather, stiff as a board. While she did that, Raydence took slow, cautious steps away and finally broke into a run. Pinkie realized what was going on just in time to get to her hooves and growl, irritated yet without losing that playful demeanor. Then she gave chase.

Raydence ducked around a slide, under a see-saw and through a hedge, but Pinkie effortlessly followed him until their path led them back around to where Rarity, Surprise and Applejack were. Surprise waited for Pinkie to come running by, then grabbed the pink one and pulled her aside. Pinkie struggled with all her little pink energy, and Surprise didn't manage to hold her effortlessly, but she did hold her long enough to say, "Seriously, Pinkie, he's not your type."

Raydence slid to a stop, and turned to listen to this new line of conversation.

Surprise smirked his way, and then told Pinkie, "Besides, he's already got a girl."

"ARF?!" Pinkie's eyes went wide. Surprise let her go, and stepped on over to the human and playfully patted his knee.

"Isn't that right, Raydey-Waydey?" Surprise asked with an attempt to make bedroom eyes.

The human responded with, "Yeah... this isn't funny."

It was even less funny when suddenly, Pinkie bit Raydence in the ankle. The human made a brief cry of pain, and the pink pony walked off in a huff. Rarity made an exclamation, apologized profusely on Pinkie's behalf, and went off to demand an explanation which Pinkie did not seem intent on giving. Surprise and Raydence watched them both go, the latter with confusion, the former with mere curiosity.

Surprise shrugged, "Didn't expect her to do that," then she wiped the bite marks with disinfectant.

It rained all the next day, which kept everypony indoors.

Almost everypony.

Rarity paced downstairs, and gave her fine dresses a looking over. Had this been a beautiful day, she would've gone about Ponyville with her friends, but only a pegasus could change the weather and she (unfortunately for this circumstance) was a unicorn. Idly, she asked herself, "I wonder how Tightrope is doing?"

There was nothing else to do, so Rarity turned to go back upstairs and maybe sew a hankerchief or something. Yet what should happen but she should hear the visitor bell ring! Rarity glanced around, curious as to who would be out in this weather, and saw a pony cloaked in a tan mantle that looked remarkably new, despite its wetness. The visitor removed the mantle from herself and dropped it next to the door, and immediately Rarity picked it up with her unicorn magic and put a few newspapers beneath to soak up the wetness.

The visitor was now revealed to be a tannish pony with an auburn mane and tail, both of which she wore in a bun. Her cutie mark was one Rarity could not figure out: it was a picture of this very pony, standing right next to herself. Another detail Rarity noticed were spots on the mare's back. That, plus she was an earth pony, gave Rarity an idea who this newcomer was, but she figured it was safe to ask. "Can I help you?"

The newcomer spoke with the kind of voice one would stereotypically associate with a secretary or a professor, or other such bookish individual. "Is this the local inn?"

"No, I'm afraid it's not. You've landed at Carousel Boutique, my humble little clothing shop. The inn is just over there."

"My apologies. One more question. Have you seen a spotted colt in these parts? Green hair, white spots?"

Rarity felt a sense of elation course through her body. "Goes by the name... Tightrope?"

The woman in the door visibly straightened, and that smile on her face was unmistakable.

Rarity smiled too. "Oh! The minute I saw your spots, I thought that's who you were! Your son showed up here just two days ago!"

The woman gasped in relief. "Oh, my darling son! Where is he now?"

"My--" Rarity stopped mid-syllable as thoughts suddenly rushed through her head. Of course, Tightrope was with Surprise... Surprise, who had given up her quest for youth now that she had a son. Surprise, who felt as though a great darkness had lifted from her shoulders. And what about Tightrope himself? The colt gave every indication that he loved his new home and his new life. How would they feel about this development?

And yet, this was Tightrope's mother, his real mother, who had come all this way in search of her lost son. It could not have been an easy journey.

Rarity glanced out the glass door, then said, "Your son has been boarding with a local pegasus named Surprise. She's a good friend of mine, and she's very good with kids."

"Where is she right now?"

Rarity thought for a moment, and decided that the least she could do is buy Surprise one last night of happiness. "As it happens, I'm meeting with her tomorrow, at the park. Tightrope gets along well with the local foals."

The keen eye of the fashion unicorn happened to notice something strange. It was slight, something any other pony would've missed, but Tightrope's mother seemed to tense up. Rarity wanted to chalk it up to just being cold from the rain, but instinctively knew that wasn't it. Even so, she had no better guess, and offered, "Would you like some hot chocolate?"

"That sounds wonderful!" The new mare replied, and as she followed Rarity to the kitchen, Rarity noticed the newcomer walked with a practiced dignity. Her every step was sure, and in her movement Rarity somehow noticed that this pony's muscles were firm. The firmness almost reminded her of Applejack, except the farmer had more of a rough feel about her, while Tightrope's mother had more of a finely-molded feeling.

As Rarity prepared the drinks, she said, "Oh, by the way, I am Rarity."

"My name is M... Buttercup Scotch."

Rarity caught the way the woman hesitated, and wondered at it even as she delivered the drinks. As Rarity sat down, she said, "As I was saying, I was going to meet Surprise tomorrow. She'll surely have Tightrope with her. I have a guest room, if you would like to stay the night."

That glance Buttercup gave her... it seemed to Rarity almost like a glance of suspicion. Rarity became worried that she would insist to be led to Tightrope this very moment, and she'd have to face Surprise's heartbreak all the sooner. Fortunately, Rarity found relief. Buttercup said, "That will be fine." Then the visitor looked through the doorway at all the clothes for offer. "Did you craft these yourself?"

"Most of them. About six of them were actually sewn by your son."

"Why was my son put to work?"

"He insisted." Rarity told Buttercup the story of how they found him collapsed at the edge of town, and how he demanded to repay the favor of ten apples. Rarity only fudged details where it concerned Surprise, for she thought Tightrope's real mom might not like hearing how well he'd taken to a surrogate mother. Buttercup had seemed almost angry at the start of the story, but as she came to understand what had happened she cooled and became almost amused.

"My son is very well trained," Buttercup commented, "As is fitting of his breeding."

"You mean he comes from a noble family?" It was Rarity's turn to be interested, as anything to do with the upper class immediately caught her attention.

"Of course! His father was a banker in the Cinammon Alps--"

"The Cinammon Alps!" Rarity couldn't help repeating to herself. The Alps, as per its name, had started as a mountain community but had grown into a grand metropolis. The mention of the alps brought images of high-rise buildings, golden bridges, streets of cobbled stone instead of dirt, and lamp-posts on every street corner which were powered by mystic jewels. It was the kind of place ponies wrote romantic fiction about. It also housed Cinammon Bank and Trust, one of the largest banking firms in all Equestria.

Buttercup continued her story, "--And I... I've bounced from occupation to occupation, all high-paying. When my husband passed away, I was more than wealthy enough to live without having to work. So now I devote most of my time to Tightrope's upbringing."

Rarity rubbed her jaw to make sure it hadn't dropped. All this time, a child of nobility had been right here in Ponyville! How intriguing! Granted, there were some things about Buttercup's story that sounded almost too good to be true, but Rarity imagined that all stories of riches sound that way to those who aren't rich.

Then Buttercup asked, "What about yourself? You seem like a remarkably refined pony, for someone who lives out in... shall I say, this neck of the woods?"

Rarity's ears drooped bashfully, and she began to tell Buttercup her life story, somehow knowing that the noblepony would not be impressed.

On the other side of town, in a one-room house, Surprise was taking part in something she hadn't partaken in since her own childhood, and which Tightrope had never partaken in at all.

They were trying to guess whether the killer was Mr. Green, General Custard or Ms. Scarlet (the others had been eliminated as suspects), and whether the weapon was the gun, poison or the rope, and whether the location was the observatory, the kitchen or the library. That's right: it was family game night! This was the tenth round of Clue they played, and it was clear that Tightrope was both very new to the game and very enthusiastic about it, for his enthusiasm alone had kept them all playing for hours on this dreary, rainy day.

This round of Clue was set to be their last one, after which they would try a different game. Perhaps Twister, perhaps Jenga, perhaps Shark Attack. They had already tried Mouse Trap and like most players of that game, they had no idea how to actually play and just set it up to see the trap go off.

Surprise said, "I'm gonna make an accusation. Custard, in the library, with the poison." Tightrope flashed her a card, and Surprise sighed. "I'm out."

Tightrope's turn was next. "I also make an accusation. Ms. Scarlet, kitchen, with the rope." Raydence flashed Tightrope a card, and Tightrope announced, "I'm out too!"

So Raydence reached over for the envelope, and pulled out the three cards within. "It was Ms. Scarlet, Gun, Kitchen." Gathering the cards up, Raydence asked, "So what's next?"

Surprise glanced at Tightrope, and Tightrope was already looked at the stacks of board games that were up against the wall. "I... dunno," the colt replied. "All these games are completely new to me. Except for Chess."

"You wanna play that one?" Raydence was about to reach for the Chess set.

"I hate Chess!" Tightrope barked the statement out without meaning to be so harsh. He quickly covered his mouth and looked down sheepishly, and then quickly changed the subject. "Besides, I want something all three of us can play! Maybe that shark game?"

"Shark Attack? Sure." Shark Attack was your average roll-dice-move-spaces board game, with a gimmick that a battery-powered shark was constantly circling the board and if it ever caught up to your fish, you lose. It wound up being a lot like Mouse Trap, in that the gimmick was more fun than the actual game. In fact, Tightrope found himself paying more attention to the shark. He pestered the adults with questions about how it worked, what kind of magic made it move. When he was told it wasn't magic at all, he suddenly wanted to disassemble the shark and look at it. It was one giant leap for Equestria when he became the first Equestrian to ever see a battery.

"Where do you get these things?" Tightrope asked.

"They're all over the place in Dream Valley."

Tightrope tried to put the battery back, but it required the nimble fingers of a human to do. While Raydence did that, Tightrope asked, "What was Dream Valley like?"

"Much different from here, that's for sure. A long time ago it and Equestria were much the same, but we happen to be located next to this great rift. On one side of that rift is Ponia, the world of ponies. And the other side of the rift..." Surprise passed the narrative off to Raydence.

Raydence smirked, "Humania, where giraffes come from."

The joke was stupid, but Tightrope chuckled anyway. Then he asked Ray, "So, you come from another world?"

"Pretty much."

"Awesome! I live with an alien life form!"

Very soon, Tightrope lost all interest in games and just wanted to ask questions. Questions about humans, questions about Dream Valley, about batteries and cardboard and electronic kitchen appliances and wash-and-wear T-shirts. And it was amazing to think how things that had become taken for granted by the two who lived among them were suddenly new and exciting in the eyes of a child who was finally being exposed to a wider world. Raydence couldn't help glancing at his small collection of board games with a new appreciation for the wonder and fantasy they must've brought to children everywhere.

Then, finally, Tightrope asked, "Surprise? Can we go to Dream Valley together?"

Surprise paused, her eyes took on an almost daydreaming look. "Hmmm... well, Dream Valley is pretty distant. Raydence and I crossed the border about five years ago, and we haven't seen it since."

"So it takes five years to get there?"

Raydence interjected, "Nah. Surprise and I were hunting witches, and we kind of got sidetracked a lot. If we were just heading straight to Dream Valley I'm sure it would take us maybe a week tops."

Surprise smirked, "Are you sure you can go that long without seeing Pinkie Pie?"

"Huh?"

"Isn't that just like men? Steal a girl's heart then skip the country!"

"HEY!"

Surprise chuckled, and then Raydence joined in the laughter right after he started tickling the old pegasus. His epic revenge was foiled when Tightrope decided to see if Ticklish was raydence. Raydence was in fact not ticklish at all, but he pretended he was for the sake of the foal. Said foal ran to Surprise's side and snuggled up to her.

"I wish I could stay with you guys forever..."

Surprise held him close, and whispered, "You can." That gentle reassurance seemed to be all the little colt needed.

The pegasi cleared the clouds during the moonlight night, and the next morning the full force of the sun came out to dry up the world. By noon, not a puddle was left. Ponies headed out in droves to complete their daily chores, and those who had no chores went to have some fun.

Tightrope had been the first to get up in the Surprise household, and he was all about going to the park to play with the Cutie Mark Crusaders some more. He succeeded in waking Raydence up, but Surprise was a lot tougher to move. Even so, Raydence happened to spot Surprise making a sly smile in her "sleep," and so Raydence told little Tightrope that he was "Going to try Plan B." Plan B, of course, was to just pick Surprise up and carry her to the park. Hey, if she wanted to pretend to be asleep, she had it coming!

Halfway out the door, Surprise jumped out of Raydence's arms and said, "It might be better if I walk. Don't want to make any fillies jealous!" That last remark was made with a playful smirk, just before she and Tightrope skipped off to the park.

Hay, a shade of grass, all topped off with a yummy-looking four-leaf-clover. It was Rarity's favorite breakfast and Sweetie Belle was sure her sister would be excited! So the little filly unicorn happily carried the plate up the stairs and into Rarity's bedroom, where her sister of course still slept with a blinder over her eyes. "Oh Rarity...!" Sweetie Belle meant to whisper, but she wound up yelling it instead. Children aren't exactly known for having fine control of their vocal chords.

Sweetie Belle was surprised to hear another voice call out, "Who's making that racket?"

The little unicorn turned and saw a strange mare in the doorway. Who was this woman with tan fur and brown spots?

Rarity slowly rose to wakefulness, and removed her blinder. "What's going on?"

Sweetie Belle said, "I came to serve you breakfast in bed. I didn't know you had a guest..."

"Oh, oh yes. Thank you," Rarity took the plate from Sweetie Belle, and asked the other mare, "Would you like some as well?"

"I've already eaten," the other pony said, and this answer made Rarity cock an eyebrow.

Sweetie Belle asked in a whisper, "Who is that pony?"

"Why Sweetie Belle, that's Buttercup Scotch. She's Tightrope's mother."

"Tightrope's mom!" Sweetie Belle beamed with excitement. "So she survived the fire! Oh, can I run ahead to the park and tell him the good news? He'll be so happy!"

Then Buttercup Scotch put a hoof on Sweetie Belle's shoulder, and said, "But think of how happy he'll be to see me in person! You wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, right?"

Buttercup smirked, and Sweetie smiled. Tightrope was gonna be so happy...!

Tightrope arrived at the park a little ahead of Surprise and his Big Bro, just in time to see Apple Bloom attempt to loop the swing. Scootaloo cheered her on from below, and Apple Bloom went "Yee-haw!" as she nearly achieved new heights! Then, as the swing fell back she happened to spot Tightrope, and as the swing shifted to forward she reached out and waved to him. This caused her to lose her grip and go flying out of the swing, which would have been a disaster if Rainbow Dash hadn't seen the whole thing and rushed to catch her in midair!

As Dash brought the farm foal down to earth, Tightrope greeted her and Scootaloo. The little prodigy was more than a little surprised and very much pleased when the orange pegafoal gave him a hug, and yet the warm feeling he got from that embrace did not stop him from asking, "Hey, where's Sweetie Belle?"

Surprise glanced around. "Isn't today a school day?"

"No way!" Scoots answered, "First day of summer vacation! And we're gonna spend all summer looking for our cutie marks!"

Surprise chuckled delightedly. "Sounds like you'll be having fun!"

Then Rainbow Dash whispered to Surprise, "More like they'll be getting into trouble."

Apple Bloom said, "Sweetie Belle will be along any minute! In the meantime, Ah'm gonna loop that swing again!"

So Apple Bloom got in the swing, and Tightrope tried to be a gentleman by giving her a few starter pushes, but these swings were just a little off the ground and that made his push kind of clumsy. Surprise chuckled, and took over for him, while the little colt made some distance and watched from the front.

Apple Bloom had just about reached her former heights, and Surprise had moved around to where Tightrope was, when Sweetie Belle came running up excitedly calling the colt's name. "Tightrope! I've got some great news! You're not gonna believe it!"

"What, what?!" Tightrope bounced and turned her way with the excitement of a child who thinks he's getting a new toy for the holidays.

"Your mother is here!"

It was like an earthquake in Tightrope's mind. He must've been making quite the face, for Sweetie Belle's excited smile was replaced with an uncertain frown, and her ears drooped, and even her mane seemed to sag. She asked, "That is a good thing, right?"

"Ah, there they are!" Came Rarity's voice, and Tightrope turned to see the fabulous female walking side-by-side with a spotted mare he recognized immediately. Once more Tightrope became aware that he must be making quite the face, for Rarity's happy trot slowed and her own content face faded and was replaced with a look of wonder and confusion. Tightrope glanced at Surprise briefly, just long enough to register that she was focused on the newcomer, before his mother spoke to him.

"Oh, Tightrope! I'm so glad you're all right!"

"Y-yeah..." Tightrope rubbed his head. "Ummm... these people... took care of me..."

"I see that! But I'm afraid it's time we went home! Climb on my back and let's be off!"

"Be off where?" Surprise asked, "I thought your house burned down?"

"It did! Fortunately we have a summer house not far from here."

Scootaloo came up close to Buttercup. "If it's not far, maybe we can come to visit?"

Buttercup's eyes went wide for a moment. It seemed to Rarity and Surprise that the spotted mare had become tense! "I'm afraid not. Once we settle down, Tightrope has to resume his lessons post-haste! He won't have time for friends!"

Tightrope stared down at the dirt and sighed.

Apple Bloom pleaded, "Ya'll mean we might never see him again?"

"I'm afraid not!" Buttercup fidgeted her left forehoof, the one motion that betrayed her otherwise perfect composition. She glanced around at all the faces watching her, as if to say are there any more questions? She was about to pick Tightrope up by the nape of the neck when Scootaloo made one more request.

"Can I at least give him a goodbye hug?"

"No, absolutely not!"

Then Surprise asked, "Why not?" and there was a definite edge to the pegasus' voice.

"Well, ummm, lessee..." Buttercup searched her mind for an excuse, and was finally about to say something when she looked down in horror. Scootaloo hadn't waited for permission--she went ahead and gave Tightrope a big ol' hug! All the sudden, Buttercup lashed out! "Get your filthy hooves off my son!" she shouted, smacking Scootaloo so hard that she flew off into a pole!

Not a moment later did Buttercup Scotch herself go flying right into a tree.

Tightrope looked up in astonishment, for his mother had been attacked by Surprise! Immediately, Tightrope's mind filled with fear, and he urged Surprise, "Run away! Hurry! Before she gets up!"

Rarity asked, "Why should she run?"

"Because my mom--" Tightrope didn't have time to finish that sentence. His mom had already gotten to all fours, and when he glanced her way she was already casting a look that spelled murder right in the direction of the fun pegasus who had showed Tightrope so many awesome things! Tightrope ran in front of his mother and said, "Please, mom, she didn't mean it! It was--" but the spotted mare just shoved him out of the way and continued to advance towards the dusty white pegasus.

The dusty white pegasus never took her eyes off the spotted mare, but she did shift focus long enough to ask, "Is she all right?"

Raydence had gone to Scootaloo's side the moment she hit the pole. He hastily informed Surprise, "She's got a bump, but I think she'll make it. You got the situation covered here?"

"Yeah."

"Right." Raydence ran off, cradling the little orange pegasus in his arms, in the direction of the Ponyville hospital.

Surprise was now free to turn her attention towards the abusive mare.

Buttercup Scotch glared. "You pompous horse! Do you realize who I am?"

Surprise could have said any number of things, but she kept her silence.

That only aggrivated Buttercup more. "I guess I was wrong to expect ponies from some backwards hick town to have heard of Many Me, the Grand Duchess of Lavender Falls! Even Canterlot pays respect to my name!"

Surprise did not look impressed. Rarity, however, caught a detail: "Hold on! I thought your name was Buttercup Scotch!"

"It doesn't matter!" Buttercup Scotch, or Many Me, hastened to silence Rarity.

Surprise smirked. "So, Grand Duchess, you gonna sic a squire on me?"

Tightrope once again called out, "Surprise, run! My mom's a three-times winner of the Canterlot Fighting Championship! She's a world-class martial artist!"

Then Many Me lunged! Surprise was pushed onto her back as she caught the spotted mare's forehooves with her own. Many Me's face hung above her, with a look like a crazed, ravenous dog.

"My son isn't lying, you know!" Many Me spoke in a sinister intonation. "I really am a martial artist."

"Yeah?" Surprise smirked, "So am I!"

WHAM! One of Surprise's hind hooves hit Many Me square in the stomach. Then Surprise's other hind hoof joined in the stomach-hitting fun, and together they succeeded in kicking off the deranged mare.

Tightrope ran to Rarity's side, but never took his eyes off the fight. His mom came at Surprise again and again, and it was painfully obvious to all that Many Me meant to kill. Yet through every strike, every lunge, every possible attack, Surprise weaved and bobbed and somehow found a way to fight back. Tightrope confessed his thoughts to Rarity: "In all the time I've been here, I never thought... I mean, I always thought Surprise was just a really fun old lady, I didn't think she'd be so... strong."

Apple Bloom giggled, "This ain't nuthin'! You should'a been here when the Beezoids attacked!"

Tightrope had no idea what a Beezoid was, but just the sight in front of him turned despair into hope.

It seemed like the fight had gone on for hours, but in reality it was only ten seconds before Many Me had thrown a wide haymaker punch that Surprise ducked. The spotted mare spun from the inertia of her own attack, and Surprise used this opportunity to tackle her from the back, and wrap both her forehooves around Many Me's neck. Many Me tried to elbow Surprise, but the pegasus worked around to a position where such attacks were largely ineffective.

Surprise glanced at Tightrope, and said, "I hope you're not mad at me for beating up--" But then Surprise's eyes went wide.

All the sudden, someone plucked Tightrope off the ground by the nape of his neck and started running off with him! And who was his mysterious abductor? Why... it was Many Me! The same as the Many Me who was in Surprise's grasp, except that her mane and tail were hanging free instead of worn in buns. But how could she be in two places at once?

Surprise had no time to think about it. Left with no choice, she snapped the neck of the Many Me she had subdued and began to give chase. Those who watched the corpse Surprise had left behind saw it vanish, but it didn't simply disappear. Rather, it became a brown blur that jerked towards the other, still-living Many Me and then became invisible as if it was just travelling that fast. Some sort of invisible force seemed to impact the Many Me that still walked, for she staggered slightly. Then, a cry of pain escaped her throat which forced her to drop her son so she could cry out. Many Me leaned against a tree, and put a hoof to her neck as she cried out in pain some more. "My neck... my..." Yet she quickly came to her senses, and her eyes fell on her son, who was already making a break for it. Many Me dashed for him...

Then a blue blur came from the sky and snatched the kid from her grasp, just in the nick of time. Rainbow Dash held the colt in her forehooves as she perched on top of the swing set. Many Me grunted with rage, took several breaths, and finally found the strength to shout, "Give me back my son!"

It was Surprise who answered, "Bite me."

The spotted mare and the dusty white pegasus stared at each other for a long moment. Hatred in the one's eyes, utter contempt in the other's. Many Me's breath slowed, and became regular. Soon there was no trace of any neck damage, but the two mares barely noticed that fact.

Many Me threatened, "Don't get a swelled head just because you got the drop on me. That's all that happened! If I had been prepared, your guts would litter this pig pen!" By which she meant the playground.

It enraged Many Me further that Surprise was completely unimpressed.

"Fine!" the spotted mare shouted, "A duel to the death! Today, at three o'clock!"

"Location?" Surprise asked.

"In front of town hall!" Many Me declared.

"Three o'clock, town hall. Got it."

Many Me smirked a sinister smirk, and glanced up at her son. It was a look that held no love and no joy, just a sort of cold satisfaction. Then the spotted mare turned away, and walked to the edge of the playground, disappearing into a thicket of trees.

Rainbow Dash cautiously looked around before descending with the kid in her grasp. Tightrope immediately ran to Surprise and jumped into her loving embrace, crying tears of joy into the fur on her chest. "Oh Surprise," he choked out through sobs, "I thought she was gonna..." Surprise stroked his mane once or twice, and the little guy looked up at her. "Nobody's ever beaten Many Me before!"

Surprise's ears perked up, as she heard the sound of footsteps and human breath. Raydence leaned against a tree, and once he caught his breath he said, "I managed... to get Scootaloo... to the hospital. Doctors... said she'll be... just fine..."

Surprise glanced up at the clouds, and then down at the little colt. "Three o'clock is still a long ways away. Wanna go see how Scootaloo is doing?"

Tightrope cheered at the suggestion and immediately flung himself on Surprise's back, and the two were off, cantering in pace so as not to lose Rarity or the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders, or the out-of-breath human. Beneath the rays of the morning sun, Tightrope began to feel a sense of hope. Maybe, just maybe, he'd get what he always wanted.

A mother, a real mother, one who was fun, carefree, easygoing, one who he loved and who loved him. A mother... kinda like Surprise...

~ This story will conclude in ~

~ Walking a Tightrope, Part 2 ~

~ Hitting the internet later this week! ~

Scene 7 - Walking a Tightrope, Part 2
View Online

Surprise Days

Scene 7 - Walking a Tightrope, Part 2

To My Readers: My apologies for how long this took to come out. See the Afterword for a full explanation.

~ Surprise Days ~

by NoGiantRobots1983

~ Walking a Tightrope ~

Part Two

~ Let's Begin! ~

Three o'clock, the sun high in the sky, and a crowded lot in front of Town Hall.

To the east, Surprise the pegasus, a pony who had already become known around Ponyville both for her eccentricies, and for her bravery in confronting danger.

To the west, Many Me, who some of the ponies recognized as the three-time winner of the Canterlot Fighting Championship. She was also known by another name...

"The Grand Duchess of Lavender Falls," Twilight read aloud from The Who's Who of Equestria: Important Ponies You Should (Pretend To) Know. "The title is unofficial, but it refers to the fact that Many Me and her husband bought out the entire town of Lavender Falls and now run it like their own private duchy, or dukedom if you prefer. Canterlot all but recognizes the town as a separate country."

Apple Bloom had been in the library at the time. She whistled, "Whew-wee! They musta been some pretty fancy folk if'n they could buy out a whole country!"

"Actually, it says here that it costed Many Me and her husband almost everything they had, but then Lavender Falls turned a profit almost overnight!"

Surprise had rubbed her chin. "That sounds a little too lucky if you ask me."

"It says here that Canterlot thought so too, and has been investigating Many Me for years. But they've never found anything! As far as the law is concerned, she's an upstanding citizen!"

"An upstanding citizen that goes around beating up little girls?" Rarity had sounded offended, and had cast a worried glance at Scootaloo. The little pegasus had a bandage wrapped around her head, but the doctors said she was gonna be fine.

Twilight had made a hmm, and glanced at the cover of her copy of Who's Who. My edition is a few years out of date. Maybe they've found something since?

Surprise got up. "Well, you let me know. I've gotta get going."

"Go where?"

"To find a sparring partner. I wanna get in shape for the big match!"

And so she had. Surprise had spent the hours since then at Sweet Apple Acres, where Applejack agreed to spar with her. However, the farm girl hadn't been without worries.

"Ya'll sure this is a good idea?" Applejack asked. "Ah mean, if'n ya'll got a duel coming up, maybe ya oughtta save yer strength?"

"I'm sure. My fight with Many Me will be easier if I'm already in fighting gear. Besides, I think I'm getting a little soft."

"All righty then."

"And remember! Don't go easy on me!" Surprise added as a last-minute thought. "After all, Many Me sure won't!"

"If'n ya say so, but don't blame me if yer too bruised up to fight!"

Applejack had been true to her word... for awhile. But then suddenly she made distance, and called a halt to the training. "We need to stop, Surprise."

"Why?"

"Take a look at yer wing. It's got a nasty red spot on it that t'weren't there earlier."

And so she had. Applejack repeated her earlier fear that Surprise would be so roughed up by training that she'd be unable to fight for real, and refused to practice any further. Instead, the pegasus had been forced to take a meal and rest as much as she could before the hour struck.

Many Me noticed the spot and smirked. "Are you sure you don't want to simply issue a written apology and call the whole thing off?"

"I won't back down," Surprise said firmly.

She couldn't. Not in front of all these ponies. Somehow, word had gotten around about the duel, and so many ponies had gathered to watch. The Mayor of Ponyville sat up on the stage, clearly uncomfortable with the spectacle but unwilling or unable to call it off. Surprise knew, also, that her pet human was sitting on top of that one cottage, watching from a high vantage point where he could see everything.

Many Me scooped with her forehoof, and snorted. Surprise did the same.

Then the battle began!

Going to the library had not been easy for Tightrope. The moment he stepped in there, he had a terrible flashback. The library of Ponyville took on a different aspect, not the slightly-dirty and uneven library carved out of the innards of a large tree, but a cubical upstairs room of the strongest oak, with the straightest tables all polished to a mirror shine. The colt had to avert his eyes, and he had to get away. So he ran into a room he didn't realize was Twilight Sparkle's bedroom.

"Who the hay are you?"

Tightrope was forced to look up. It sounded like a little colt had spoken to him, but he hadn't seen any boys besides himself. Tightrope's eyes glanced around, going from inkwells to pillows to a plush doll of a baby dragon to--wait, that plush doll just moved. In fact, it didn't look like a plush doll at all.

"Did you just talk?" Tightrope blinked.

"What's the matter?" The dragon answered, "Never seen a baby dragon before?"

Tightrope came towards the critter, for his curiosity had taken over. He had heard about dragons, of course, but never thought he'd see one up close!

"Whoa!" the dragon put up its small arms. "Personal space!"

"Sorry," Tightrope backed away a step. "But... who are you?"

"I asked you first."

"Sorry! My name's Tightrope. I'm living with Surprise right now."

"I'm Spike, Twilight Sparkle's number one assistant!"

"Do you two... live in this place?"

"Yeah," Spike had caught a slight note of apprehension in Tightrope's voice. "Is there something wrong with it?"

"It's... nice," Tightrope tried to sound complementary, "It's just... all those books."

"Yeah, and they always have to be in order too!"

"I don't like books," Tightrope admitted. "I thought once I got away from my mom, I'd never have to see a book again."

"Your mom a big reader?"

"Worse than that. She sits me in a room for twelve hours a day, forcing me to study or do lessons!" Tightrope sighed. "I don't want to be super-smart, I just want to have fun!"

Spike seemed a little confused at that sudden outburst, but he perked up at the mention of fun. "Well, there's plenty of games around here! Come on, I'll show you!"

Both ponies clutched at each other, each had their forehooves around the other's neck, and pushed with their hind legs. Surprise pushed hard, trying to topple Many Me, but as the struggle went on she began to realize this was futile. Surprise swung her free forehoof back--

All the sudden Many Me dropped and shot out a hind leg, sweeping Surprise off-balance! No sooner had the pegasus hit the ground, then Many Me had brought both her fores to bear on Surprise's stomach!

Many Me lowered her face to Surprise's ear, and whispered sinisterly, "Looks like I got the first clean strike. There's still time to surrender. What do you say?"

Surprise said nothing, but her hoof to Many Me's chin conveyed the message better than words ever could. The pegasus rolled aside and bounced back onto her hooves, and quickly considered her next move, even as she saw Many Me come running...

The baby dragon hadn't been kidding about games! The kinds of games Ponyville had were different than what Tightrope had seen at Surprise's place, but that somehow made them more interesting. He got the idea that "bounce the ball into the goal on the other player's head" was the kind of game Tightrope felt was most special... the kind of game normal foals played. Him and Spike got so engrossed in this and hide-and-seek and I Spy that Tightrope barely heard it when Twilight came into the room and spoke. Yet his inner mind told him she had said something he needed to hear, and Tightrope asked Twilight to repeat it.

"I said Surprise left to find a sparring partner. She told me to keep you here and not let you go outdoors without somepony to protect you."

"Protect him?" Spike asked with astonishment. He asked Tightrope, "Is someone after you?"

Twilight explained, "Yes! There's a pony claiming to be Tightrope's mom who tried to make off with him earlier! Surprise is fighting her in a duel this afternoon."

"A duel? Awesome!"

"We can't go watch, Spike."

The baby dragon looked very disappointed.

Twilight explained, "Many Me has the power to clone herself. Her earlier attempt to kidnap Tightrope was interrupted by Surprise and Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash thinks that she's trying to keep everypony busy with the duel so another of her clones can make off with him!"

Spike stood at attention, and gave a soldieresque salute. "Well she won't get past me!"

"Me either! I'm not leaving the library until Surprise gets back. You shouldn't either, Tightrope!"

Tightrope gulped. "But... I'll be surrounded... by all those... books."

"I thought you liked books!"

"No, I don't! I don't want to be stuck at a desk studying until Surprise gets back!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Who said anything about studying? Scootaloo said you liked The Ninja Hamsters. I've got almost the whole series!"

The Ninja Hamsters, the mere mention of that name brought a warm and fuzzy feeling to Tightrope. He immediately asked, "Where are they?"

"Come, follow me!" And so he and Spike did. Twilight Sparkle led them out of her room and to a shelf near the back of the main room. This was marked as "Foal's Books." Tightrope did not resist the urge to pull out Ninja Hamsters #1 as soon as he saw it, and let it plop to the ground, and let the image on the front cover stare up at him. It was probably a cliche image, four hamsters in different-colored masks holding ninja weapons, while a villainous pony with claws loomed threateningly behind them, and yet the sight of it stirred something deep in Tightrope's soul.

He barely realized he was crying.

"Is something wrong?" Twilight asked.

Tightrope lay on his belly, and looked at the cover. His mind was so overwhelmed with a warm thought that for a moment he didn't answer. "I... used to have a Ninja Hamsters poster in my bedroom. When I was three. I think my dad bought it for me, but... I don't know. It looked just like this. Then... then one day, it disappeared."

"Did somepony steal it?" Spike asked.

Tightrope shook his head, but then reconsidered. "I mean, I guess so... last year, mom had... left me in the library to do my lessons. And it... it was one of those days. I didn't want to do them. So I explored our house. And... I found our attic. And in the back... there was my Ninja Hamsters poster, and some of the books. And all the sudden, I remembered that it used to be in my room. I don't know how I remembered, but I did..."

Twilight stroked Tightrope's mane, as the little colt reached out and opened the book. The motion was smooth, automatic, as if Tightrope was driven by something deeper than a simple search for amusement. Even as he flipped pages, his eyes watered, and at chapter one, he said, "I started reading this book... but... I never finished. Mom found me in the attic. She was furious... she whipped me, forced me to do double-lessons... and made me go to bed hungry. But that wasn't even the worst part... I woke up in the middle of the night, and smelled smoke... and I looked out the window... there was this huge fire... and in the morning, the attic was empty."

Tightrope sniffed, and turned the page.

Many Me came almost too fast for Surprise to think. In times like this, the pegasus really felt her age--had she been but a decade younger, she would've won by now! But stiff joints and a mind that increasingly refused to work were handicapping her severely, and it wasn't until almost the last possible moment that Surprise decided on a course of action.

She dived under Many Me in a corkscrew turn, so she faced up at the spotted mare's belly. Even this hadn't been pulled off without a hitch, for the mare in question had grazed her chin. Yet the desired position was attained: As Many Me flew over her, Surprise lashed out with all four legs, launching Many Me into the air!

The earth pony landed gracefully. If she felt any pain from the attack, she did not show it. Instead, Many Me was smiling!

"It's too bad you refused my generous offer," Many Me remarked, "I shall strive to settle this as painfully as possible!"

As Surprise took a deep breath, the pegasus realized something: She was sure getting tired of playing on the defensive side. Fine then! Time for a change of tactics.

Surprise slowly approached Many Me, waiting for the three-time Canterlot Champion to actually do something, but the mare found this move suspicious. Just as well.

When Surprise threw a punch, Many Me ducked under and bit at Surprise's knees!

Oh, so you wanna play dirty, do ya?

Surprise tackled the mare, and they rolled around on the grass, biting and clawing like a pair of dogs fighting over the last scrap of meat. Many Me gained the dominance and brought her weight down upon Surprise, but the pegasus threw one quick punch so powerful it very nearly broke Many Me's neck! It was at least enough to stun the spotted pony, and Surprise jumped up and lunged at her!

Almost before Surprise had time to register it, Many Me placed a forehoof on the ground and pivoted off it, doing a continuous spinnning kick that forced Surprise to step away. Then Many Me launched from this directly into a flying tackle which knocked Surprise on her back! Even when the pegasus countered with a roll that placed her, for once, on top of Many Me, the spotted mare seemed to have counted on this and used the exact same four-hoof strike that Surprise herself had used earlier!

A strange taste came to the side of Surprise's mouth, and she just barely had time to realize it was the taste of her own blood.

Tightrope's tears had run dry by the time he finished Ninja Hamsters #1, and he was about to hit up the second book when all the sudden four new books landed right next to him. Tightrope glanced at Twilight, who seemed eager that he should look at them, and he gave their covers a glance. The Fairy Tales of Daydream Believer, The Myths and Legends of Daydream Believer, The Fantasies of Daydream Believer, and The Collected Letters of Daydream Believer.

"Who is Daydream Believer?" Tightrope asked, looking at the back covers, each of which showed the same handsome, ivory-white unicorn stallion with a mane like chocolate silk, whose smile seemed somehow beyond the cares of the world.

"Why, he's your father!" Twilight answered. "I looked him up in the Who's Who. Seems he was a realtor before helping your mom buy out Lavender Falls, and he used his free time writing. He's actually very highly acclaimed!"

"Oh," Tightrope let out an uninterested sigh, and pushed the books aside to go back to looking at Ninja Hamsters.

Twilight cast the colt an uncertain glance, and left him alone. Yet she decided to leave the books by his side, should Tightrope change his mind. She was pleased when Sweetie Belle came to investigate, and started reading one of the Daydream Believer books.

The pegasus staggered in her step, but managed to balance herself.

If only she were younger! In her twenties, even in her tens, someone like Many Me would've been no problem! Her patterns, her strategies... they were so obvious! Surprise wondered, briefly, if she should use... that. Then she remembered the encounter with the Beezoid Queen, and how it had gone so badly. No... she mustn't put all her cards on the table too soon!

Many Me was already in front of her, turning to deliver a kick which caught Surprise square on the nose! As the pegasus got back up, she told herself Think, dagnabbit! How can I be doing so poorly? Surprise tensed up, and told her brain, we're going to fight and we're going to win! Don't you dare abandon me!

Her brain seemed to get the message, for at just that moment Surprise became aware of another strike coming from the side, and somehow was in time not only to duck under it, but to come back up ramming her head into Many Me's chin! Surprise felt her energy slipping, and chose to press her advantage. She jumped forward, and threw punch after punch, some hit, some didn't. She had nearly pressed Many Me into the crowd when Surprise put her forehooves down and spun upon them, whipping her hind legs around to grab Many Me by the neck, then carry her through the air to ram her head into the ground! If only the ground hadn't been so soft, Many Me might've been finished then and there.

Running short of breath, Surprise decided now was her best shot, and she grabbed Many Me around the neck... and then suddenly, something tackled Surprise from the side!

"Wow," Scootaloo commented, "You go through those Ninja Hamsters pretty fast!"

Tightrope smiled. Each book would've probably taken a normal kid an hour or two to read, but for him they went by in half an hour, an hour at most. He glanced up at the walls, and then asked, "Anypony know the time?"

"It's just past three," Twilight told him after glancing into the kitchen. "Surprise is probably fighting her duel now."

Rarity nodded, "We shall all pray for the best!"

Sweetie Belle beamed, "In the meantime, why don't you check out some of your dad's Fairy Tale books?"

"No thanks," Tightrope sighed and looked away.

Sweetie Belle arched an eyebrow. "But why? They're such pretty stories! Actually... I read the foreword too. Your dad makes me think of Surprise."

Tightrope had tried not to pay attention, but he slowly found himself regarding Sweetie Belle and taking in her words. Interest must've been written in his face, for Sweetie Belle turned the pages and said, "Here, I'll show you. This part says that in one of his letters, Daydream Believer wrote: I don't think of my stories as fantasies. Faith, trust, and pixie dust are all real, we just don't want to see them. And here, your dad says Youth is strength. To be young is to be you at your best. If people say I act like a child, that's a compliment. And here he says, I love--"

"Those are all very pretty words."

Every pony's head jerked towards the doorway, almost of their own accord. Their ears had to be deceiving them, but those were backed by the testimony of their eyes.

Rainbow Dash flew down in front of Many Me and raised a challenging hoof, and demanded to know, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to fetch my son, of course!"

"I thought you were fighting a duel!"

"I am, right now! And that old vagabond is doing quite poorly, she's already bloodied her lip!" Many Me chuckled in self-satisfaction, and glanced towards the volume Sweetie Belle held. "Ah, yes, my dear husband's silly little stories. Tightrope, isn't it ironic how a stallion like him could write such naive fertilizer?"

Tightrope gulped. "Y-yeah..."

Rarity asked aghast, "What do you mean, 'a stallion like him?' Surely he must've been the ideal husband!"

"He was... for a few years. But the strain of having a son to take care of was too much for him! Tightrope is too young to remember, but his father would fly into drunken rages! Bottles breaking all around the house, hoofs slamming on walls! I would beg and plead with him not to harm my defenseless little baby! And he didn't... he'd beat one of my clones to death instead, and leave me to feel the psychological pain of death..."

Many Me attempted to hug her son, but Rainbow Dash plucked the colt from her grasp, stared at her suspiciously. Tightrope glanced up at Rainbow Dash, then nervously bit on his hoof and turned around with eyes wide. "Mom...? Did you really... do that for me?"

"She's lying, kid!" Rainbow Dash accused.

"Of course I did!" Many Me said with a voice like an angel. She blinked briefly, and smiled sweetly with a sigh. "Tightrope, everything I've done in life has been for your benefit. I even chose your father because he had strong genes and no family history of illness! The day you were born, I said, 'he will be the perfect child. Some day, he will be the perfect pony'. Then when I'm gone, you will take over Lavender Falls!"

Tightrope's eyes teared up. His heart argued with his mind, the one being wary while the other wanting to entirely give in to the woman who had given him life. Rainbow Dash whispered something, but Tightrope didn't hear it. He had just about reached his hooves out to his mom--

"I took Tightrope to the circus today. We looked at the lions, saw the clowns--Tightrope loves clowns--and then we watched the flame juggler. He was a very well-behaved child, always stayed near me. I think he was happiest most when we saw the show in the tent, with the acrobats. I told him 'that's where your name comes from, my boy'.

"The Missus didn't like it. My wife spent half the evening giving me a piece of her mind. She told me I would spoil and corrupt the boy. Many Me is like a woman from a military academy. I agree that he needs a formal education, but for Celestia's sake woman, he's only two years old!"

Before anypony knew what was happening, Many Me ripped the tome from Sweetie Belle's magic grasp and flung it across the room. But the spotted mare was not done, she felt an overwhelming compulsion to smash that book, to tear it to pieces! The other ponies watched aghast, for Many Me was no longer suave and refined. She was like an animal, lost in the red haze of anger. Her way of attacking the book and tearing it to shreds was that of an angry dog killing a defenseless little kitten, a power and brutality that they never suspected a pony could possess! Rainbow Dash hugged Tightrope a little tighter, but whether this was for the child's comfort or for her own was anypony's guess.

Surprise rolled across the grass until she came to a stop. Her sides ached, and the breath had been knocked out of her. She struggled to get up, to see what had happened.

It somehow didn't surprise her to see two Many Mes. The one was still struggling, but the other... the other was fresh as a daisy!

Surprise finally came to her hoofs, panted. "Is this how you won the Canterlot Championships?"

Many Me smirked and shook her head. "I just thought, seeing as this is a private duel, that the ponies here deserved a show!"

"That's cheating!" A mare cried out from the audience, inciting roars of agreement.

Yet Many Me seemed unperturbed by these cries. Her focus was entirely on Surprise. The pegasus was doubting now. She had barely managed against Many Me when she herself was fresh. Could she hope to defeat her when Many Me is fresh and she herself was already in pain?

Many Me seemed to have the same thought. The strides she took towards her opponent were bold, confident. She grabbed Surprise's chin like it was a bauble she was holding up for her perusal. And Surprise made up her mind.

"I'm not gonna lose."

And then the pegasus bit Many Me's hoof, and when the spotted mare drew back Surprise launched at her, flew under her and struck one concentrated blow in the belly. She didn't stop there, as she forced her forehooves around the mare's form and fought to put Many Me on the bottom. Surprise had one plan. Break her neck.

It was a valiant struggle, but Surprise couldn't keep her grip. Many Me jumped away, and then came darting back and turning just in time for a classic bronco buck. Somehow, by some miracle, Surprise read the signs and saw this coming, ducked under it and pushed the legs up from beneath, forcing Many My to roll hooves-over-head onto her back. Was this Surprise's chance? The pegasus readied a strike aimed at Many Me's neck. She struck!

She hit dirt. Many Me had rolled away, was getting up--

All the sudden a bang rang out.

When Twilight Sparkle got over the awe of what she had seen, she approached Many Me and said, "You're going to pay for that book!"

But something about those deep breaths made Twilight want to back away.

Tightrope clutched Rainbow Dash tightly, his eyes still on his mother. But now, they were not scared eyes, nor were they watery eyes. They were questioning eyes. They were wondering eyes.

"I think I remember the circus," Tightrope said to himself, not realizing he had spoken aloud until he saw Sweetie glance at him. "Yeah... there was this elephant, and they painted its face white. Except it's trunk, that was red. And for some reason, some ponies wore these really tight green suits. It was a lot of fun..." Tightrope's eyes wandered back over to his mother, and he stopped talking. There was something about that look in her eyes...

"Fun." Many Me almost laughed out the word. "Fun is an addiction. Ponies work their fields, sell their wares, make their crafts, all day and all night. Any one of these ponies could be rich and powerful now! But they aren't. Because they spend all their earnings on cupcakes or fairy tale books or visits to the opera. That is why I never allowed you to have fun, Tightrope. I didn't want you to become an addict!"

"Hold on!" Twilight Sparkle raised her hoof. "I agree studying is important, but he can't do nothing but study! How is he going to learn how to deal with life if he never lives? How is he going to learn to deal with ponies if he never meets any?"

"I'll train him! It's all a matter of routine, isn't it?"

Rainbow Dash quipped, "Yeah, I see you've got your 'routine' down pat."

Tightrope watched his mom as she argued with the ponies. He noticed her every glance, the shake of every hoof. And there was this strange feeling, like his mind was expanding, and he was suddenly aware... more aware than he had ever been. The way his mom's fore-left hoof twitched like that... it reminded him... of something... an image was coming to his mind.

"You twitched like that before," Tightrope mumbled, again unaware that he was speaking at all. "And... before that, you grabbed your head, and cried out in pain... I think that was a brusselsprouts night... you rolled on the floor... I ran to your side... you lay there... I thought.... you... you stood up... and you twitched your hoof, just like that... and then you looked at me... and said, 'Dad's not coming home tonight'."

Tightrope only became aware he had said that allowed because Rarity picked up, "And in the park, Surprise snapped your clone's neck... and then you screamed with pain and started grabbing your neck..."

The silence in the room felt like a drum roll that was building to an explosive crescendo. Tightrope felt a new force taking over his body. A power he had never known before. A feeling. He was... for the first time in his life, he truly hated someone. Not just disliked or felt threatened by, but hated, so much so, that...

"Rainbow Dash, take me to the duel."

Many Me reached out a hoof, but the pegasus was too fast. The last thing Tightrope heard, before he flew out the window in Rainbow Dash's grip, was Many Me declare "He would've ruined you! Tightrope!"

Many Me and Surprise both glanced aside, even though Surprise knew immediately where the shot had come from. There was only one person she knew who owned a gun, and that was her own pet human. Sure enough, Raydence had drawn and aimed his magical delirium-inducing Marle-gun!

And what had he shot? Why... the Many Me who had fallen earlier!

Surprise quickly pieced the story together in her mind. Obviously, she had been about to get up and interfere, but Raydence had decided it was time to call shenanigans on it and put her down. The Many Me on the ground was rolling on the grass, seeming in a haze of not pain, but rather comfort and joy! And it seemed even to spread to the one still standing, for that one said, "I've... never known a rapture like this..."

The one still standing shook her head, and seemed almost as if she cut herself off from the feelings of the other. In that moment Surprise realized she had a chance, and jumped on the Many Me who was doing her best Pinkie Pie impression, grabbed it by the back and broke its neck!

It was only dead for a second, and then it became a ball of light that wisped into the one that was still standing. This visual took all of a half-second to play out. Then, the Many Me that remained cried out in pain. Her eyes went wide with horror, and she grasped her neck.

Surprise was about to use this moment to attack, but the crowd held her back. One mare whispered, "Don't! Can't you see she's in pain?"

"It's psychosomatic!" Surprise explained, "Give her a moment and she'll separate the clone's memories from her own!"

"Yes..." Many Me exclaimed in a gasp, "Yes, all I need is a moment! Ah!"

It was clear to all that the pain was gone. Her wide eyes returned to normal, with a look of greater confidence. Her hooves returned to the ground. She flicked her mane as if she were a supermodel posing for a beauty shot. She glanced at Surprise, and at the crowd, and said, "Looks like you missed your chance, Surprise."

"That's enough!" One of the crowd ponies cried. "She killed you first! She wins!"

Many Me smirked. "I don't think so. You see, this isn't a formal duel. This is a street fight. And in a street fight, the battle is to the death. As long as one of my selves lives, Surprise can never win!"

"So Surprise whupped you so hard you had to call in a clone, huh?"

Many Me and Surprise whipped around, Many Me surprised and Surprise delighted to see Rainbow Dash in the center of the battlefield! Surprise asked, "What's this about?"

"Why," Many Me declared gleefully, "My son has come to cheer me on, isn't that--"

Many Me reached out her hooves to hold her son in a loving embrace. The boy wrestled his way out of Rainbow Dash's grip... and smacked Many Me hard in the nose! Everypony gathered could see how her mind went blank in that very moment. The child's blow could not possibly have hurt, but... but who expects to be attacked by their own flesh and blood?

Tightrope gave Many Me a derisive hmph, and then walked over and hugged Surprise, very lovingly. Surprise, wounded and battle-worn as she was, seemed to become warmer, stronger somehow as the child silently lavished her with affection.

Then Tightrope glanced up at her, and said, "Mom? You'll win, right?"

And then Surprise's mind also went blank. Her eyes saw the world. Her ears heard the world. Yet her mind didn't think of the world. Her mouth answered, "Of course I will!" And yet it felt almost as if her mouth had spoken on its own accord. For as she noticed Tightrope nod, saw Many Me get up, saw Rainbow Dash carry Tightrope to the safety of a housetop...

Even as the battle resumed, and Many Me lashed out with a greater fury than before, and Surprise saw each blow and dodged them almost by magic...

Even as Surprise found an opening and attacked with all her might, uppercutting Many Me into the air...

Even as Surprise stood on her hind legs, readied her forehoofs, and yelled "POWER--"

Her mind was consumed entirely by one thought, the happiest thought she had ever held in her entire life.

He called me "Mom."

"--GEYSER!"

Surprise drove her forehooves into the ground, and all around erupted a fountain of energy from the very magic of the Earth itself, lashing up like a beautiful blue fountain. Was it fire? Was it electricity? Was it some other kind of energy altogether? Who knew. All that mattered was that Many Me was caught in it, and the explosive blast burned her, fried her, and sent her flying through the air and over the heads of the crowd. When she landed, it seemed almost that she hit the ground in slow motion, bounced once with a resounding thud, and then came to a complete stop.

Rainbow Dash and Tightrope came down, and the little colt jumped out of Dash's hooves and onto his real mom's back. And even though Surprise was scratched up worse than a cat toy, and had that nasty-looking red stain on her wings, and blood dripping from her lips... she somehow didn't feel that bad.

Dear Princess Celestia,

We had quite a big deal going on here in Ponyville! I missed all the good parts because I was here in my library, but I'm sure it'll all be in the papers before long, about the duel between Surprise and the Grand Duchess of Lavender Falls, who it turns out is also a horrible mother and even a murderer! One of her 'selves' (as she called them) who we captured in my library outright confessed that she killed Daydream Believer, for being a good father.

You see, their house in Lavender Falls is--sorry, was--located on a big hill, with a high cliff. All Many Me had to do was go for a walk with him one day, and then push him off with her. But she can make clones of herself, so she sent a clone on the walk, and fell with him, to make sure he didn't grab any branches or do anything that might save him. It's so sad, that somepony whose stories gave hope and joy to foals all over the world had to end up with a crazy like her. At least he can rest well knowing that his son, Tightrope, has found a good home.

I never thought about it before, but it really shows you that there's a difference between a real family, and a biological one. I wonder how many foals out there are born to parents who are like Many Me, who don't really love them but just see them as trophies of some sort, or perhaps future slaves. That's just the wrong way to raise kids. Kids should be treated with the same respect and attention that you'd treat anypony else. They shouldn't be seen as inferior. Less educated and more innocent maybe, but they're still individuals, and not playthings!

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

P.S. I've been told to advice a watch. The real Many Me is still out there somewhere, and nopony knows how many of her clones there are. Nopony save Many Me herself.

Far east of Ponyville, in the desolate loneliness of the hills, there stood a house. Those who saw it would say its remarkably well-maintained, and rather luxurious for being so removed from civilization. It almost felt like a house more suited for the city.

In this house, in a bedroom on the upper floor, sat Many Me, deep in thought. Sitting, waiting, plotting. In the next room, another Many Me busied herself with dusting, and yet elsewhere, one was cooking dinner. All over the house were Many Mes, each busying themselves with a self-chosen chore, and none of them knowing who the "original" Many Me is. Yet they all wanted the same thing.

A son, who they could raise to be the perfect child.

But Tightrope had been corrupted! Should they give up and simply bear new seed? They immediately rejected this thought, after all the first seed is always strongest, and besides the only perfect candidate for fatherhood had been thrown out with the trash a long time ago. Besides, the only thing keeping them from their firstborn was a podunk little town of country hicks, and a silly old pegasus who by all rights should be dead. It was simply a run of bad luck that had kept Many Me from achieving her objective.

Yet, even as Many Me thought of this, she realized that sooner or later, Ponyville's luck had to run out.

She longed for the day when she would hold Tightrope, and force him to look at the crushed and gutted body of the pegasus he considered his mom...

The battle against Many Me continues in the final Surprise Days story

~ Miracle Road ~

Hitting the Internet in 2013!

~See you next Scene!~

Afterword

As I promised, here's the explanation for why I broke my word and posted Part Two a few days late.

What happened was, as I was writing in the BBCode markup, I realized... the original draft of Part Two kinda sucked. Originally, it was mostly a ton of exposition, followed by the duel. The duel, in that version, consisted basically of Many Me trying to overwhelm Surprise with her clones, but Surprise effortlessly saw through it and kicked her flank.

It's funny how that worked out. I talked it over with a friend, and wondered what I could do to make the fight more exciting. We knew one thing... it had to go much harder for Surprise. I felt like I could do more with Many Me.

It finally hit me through discussion that my whole problem was, I was overplaying the whole "Many Me can clone herself" thing.

I don't like Superpowers, to be honest. It's way too tempting to make the power the be-all end-all of everything, and... to a large extent, it sometimes comes off as cheap writing. "Urr, this villain so threatening cuz her poop is nuclear!" is a very easy way to establish a threat, and easy just isn't my style.

Then I realized, Many Me is a martial artist. In Part One, Many Me claims that Surprise only drove her off the first time due to a lucky shot. What if that was literally true, and in a real fight Many Me could actually hold her own against Surprise? It makes Many Me more convincing. It also makes her cloning powers that much scarier.

I realized I had my answer. And over the next few days, I revised the draft, and today, I finished it.

I'm aware there are a few problems with the posted draft--I kinda think the "Surprise's half, Tightrope's half" thing might get confusing--but I knew that if I don't post it now, I'll never post it, so I said "no more revisions, it's go time!"

And here we are.

Now that you have your explanation, I hope you enjoy the story, raw though it may be. Surprise will see you again in 2013!

Interrim - Tightrope's Daily Life
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Surprise Days

Interrim - Tightrope's Daily Life

~Surprise Days~

by NoGiantRobots1983

Interrim Scene

Tightrope's Daily Life

~Let's Begin!~

"You see, Ray," Surprise explained to her pet human in the comfort of their own house, "School isn't really about education. It's about finding out in what fields a pony excels by having them try a little bit of everything."

"So it's basically like a not-destructive version of a Cutie Mark Crusaders get-together."

"Exactly," Surprise chuckled at the thought. She had seen a lot more of the youngsters since her own son had become one of them. Their plots and quests had only gotten better since Tightrope joined their ranks. Cutie Mark Crusader Chimney Sweeps, Cutie Mark Crusader Stagecoach Drivers, Cutie Mark Crusader Fashion Models, Cutie Mark Crusader Boxers, Cutie Mark Crusader Sign-makers, Cutie Mark Crusader Architects, Cutie Mark Crusader Munitions Manufacturers... "But that worries me," Surprise added, "Tightrope's already so well-educated. Do you think he'll even fit in at school? If he starts sleeping in class..."

"Cutie Mark Crusader Student Teacher?"

"It's no joke, Raydence. His future could ride on this!"

Raydence stroked his chin. Then he said, "Well, I can't think on an empty stomach. I'll give it some thought and get back to you."

Surprise sighed. "Okay."

And Raydence was out the door.

At that moment, Tightrope, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were walking by. They weren't going to Surprise's house, it was just that said house was right on the edge of town and almost right before the path leading to Sweet Apple Acres, so they passed the one any time they were heading for the other. Which they were.

Then they saw Raydence leave the house and make straight for the woods, his Marle-gun in hand. Sweetie Belle mumbled, "I wonder what he's up to?"

Scootaloo looked doubtful. "He goes in there every day. Tightrope, you live with him, doesn't he ever talk about it?"

Tightrope shook his head.

"Haven't you ever asked?"

Bashfully, Tightrope shook his head again, and his eyes became glued to the spot where Raydence had disappeared into the trees. The colt took a few cautious steps towards it, before his curiosity gave way and he said, "I'm gonna follow him!"

"Tightrope, wait!" The girls called, rushing in after him.

By the time Scoots and Sweets caught up to Tightrope, they were already in too far and, truth be told, they too wanted to see this adventure through. There was Raydence, not far ahead of them. Somehow they could plainly see him. Probably because he was carrying a hot pink shotgun.

The girls glanced at each other uncertainly, Tightrope alone seeming confident that they would neither attract Raydence's attention nor that they would fall prey to the thingamabobs that lurked in the ever-dangerous Everfree Forest. Sweetie Belle felt sure that she had stepped on so many twigs or nearly been caught by so many serpents that she was beginning to lose her nerve.

Then Raydence stopped. Fortunately, the girls and Tightrope had found a rock large enough for them to hide behind and watch from safety.

What was Raydence doing? His eyes (they assumed--he still had the bangs-covering-his-eyes thing going on) followed something they couldn't see, but could hear only as faint rustling. Then, out of nowhere, a giant brownish-green blur flew at the human! Somehow, he caught it and bashed it into a tree three times in what seemed like only a second! Only when it was dead did they see what it was: A snake, one with big brown spots decorating its green scales and thick body.

Raydence held the snake-corpse in his hands and looked at it, mumbling to himself, "Now, how am I gonna cook this?"

Scootaloo couldn't help exclaim, "You eat snakes?!"

"Sometimes," Raydence answered without even glancing her way. He dropped the body, grabbed a bunch of twigs and piled them together. Then he shot the twigs with Marle, and started a fire which he appeared to use to cook the snake's remains. The kids, now knowing the game was up, came out into the open and closer to the fire.

Sweetie Belle asked, "You knew we were there?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

"Because I've been coming to these woods every day. I know what sounds normal and what doesn't. And the hoofsteps of three little ponies, doesn't. Now, you might not want to stick around. The next part might turn your stomachs." He held the warmed portion of snake close to his mouth to indicate his meaning. The girls quite agreed with him and walked away, but Tightrope sat and watched.

Sweetie Belle winced, and tried hard to not think about what Raydence was doing behind her. This was perhaps why she bumped into Rainbow Dash.

Scootaloo looked up in surprise. "Rainbow Dash! Why are you here?"

"Following you," Rainbow Dash answered. "I saw you come in, and had to stop you. Everfree isn't safe, you know."

"We know," Scootaloo cringed.

Rainbow Dash called out, "Tightrope, you come too!"

Tightrope, however, was too interested in his big brother's food. Momentarily he asked, "Does it taste good?"

"Kinda." The human answered.

"Can I try some?"

Raydence glanced down at him with a look like he hadn't expected the question, but also wasn't put off by it. "Well..."

"Hey," Rainbow Dash said, "Give me some too!"

Raydence sighed, pulled off bits for Tightrope and Dash and handed them over, tossing Dash's because she was far away. Dash caught it in her mouth and wolfed it down, not even acknowledging the wide-eyed shock of the two girls. "Man that stuff's tasty!" The blue pegasus said, then said, "Okay girls, let's get going! You too, Tightrope!"

Tightrope happily followed, while the girls followed in astonished silence.

The issue was well out of their mind when they came to the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse, where Apple Bloom was impatiently waiting, excited with the idea of her latest scheme. "Sit down, girls and guys! Ah know just what it is that we'll get our cutie marks in!" From somewhere, Apple Bloom lifted up something heavy onto a desk. That something heavy was...

"A penguin?" Scootaloo asked.

"Yeah! Ah just happened to find it wanderin' mah yard! It must be a sign! Cutie Mark Crusaders, our destiny is to be Penguin Herders!"

Sweetie Belle cheered, but Scootaloo scratched her cheek and said, "That doesn't sound like a very exciting destiny."

Tightrope, at the moment, was more interested in the penguin than in his destiny. He came up close and got a good look at the critter, which he thought was kind of cute, especially the birdlike ways it tilted its head and boked things with its beak, sometimes flapping its insubstantial little wings while making short little honk noises. "What's a penguin doing in Ponyville of all places?" He asked. "We're nowhere near the arctic!"

Apple Bloom shrugged. "Who knows? That's why Ah say its gotta be a sign of somethin'! It's got to have sumthin' to do with our cutie marks!"

Tightrope pet the penguin, who reacted to this gesture in no way except to cock its head in that awkward way birds do, then to poke its beak under its wing presumably to scratch an itch or catch bugs or whatever. The colt said, "I don't know. I think if there's a penguin here, it must belong to somepony. We'd better find its owner. Besides, none of us knows the first thing about caring for a penguin."

Apple Bloom sighed. "Oh, all right. But where do we start? Who in Ponyville would own a penguin?"

"Ya'll found this funny-lookin' critter on mah land?" Applejack cocked an eyebrow. "Well, he ain't mine. Dunno where he came from."

"Oh, he's so cute!" Fluttershy petted and cuddled the bird, who continued tilting his head and needlessly flapping while looking positively stupid. "But I'm afraid he's not my penguin."

The story was the same everywhere. It wasn't Pinkie Pie's, it wasn't the Mayor's, it wasn't even Surprise's. To all appearances, this dumb, head-tilting, wing-scratching bird had just come out of nowhere.

And so, in the middle of the road in the middle of town, the four Cutie Mark Crusaders sat and sighed. And the bird kept tilting its head.

"Well, if it isn't the blank flanks!"

Three of the four didn't even have to look to see who it was. Diamond Tiara was well known to them. They recognized her by sight, by sound, by stench, by that pervading aura of evil about her... okay, they might have been making some of those points up. Even so, their opinion was justified when Diamond Tiara said, "What are you trying to find your cutie marks in now? Loitering? Getting in everypony's way?"

"We ain't in anypony's way," Apple Bloom grumbled.

Diamond Tiara payed no heed. Her eyes were now on the penguin. "Just what is that freaky looking animal?"

Yet as Diamond Tiara looked at that freaky looking animal, she became uncomfortably aware that it was looking back. She walked around, and its eyes followed her. She didn't like those eyes. Diamond Tiara had to admit, she felt just a little disturbed. "Stupid animal," she muttered under her breath, and tried to walk away.

And the penguin walked toward her.

"Go away!" Diamond Tiara called out to it, but it kept following her. "I said go away!"

And then her fear was confirmed, when she saw that there were hearts in its eyes.

"EEEEEEEEEK!" Diamond Tiara shouted at the top of her lungs as her little hooves galloped as fast as they could, and yet that was not fast enough to elude a lovestruck dumb bird too thick to realize it wasn't wanted. Seeing no other solution, Diamond Tiara rounded a corner and into an alley, which led around the back of the building. But she heard that waddling thing closing in on her! She couldn't rest! She had to run!

Her mad dash for safety took her by the library, where Twilight Sparkle happened to be standing outside and saw, as she put it: "Diamond Tiara! You've found Pemzeek! If you'll just--" but Diamond Tiara was too busy running to answer.

Her travels somehow took her back around to where the Cutie Mark Crusaders were waiting. Tightrope kicked up a box, and said "Hide in here!" And Diamond Tiara obediently did. Tightrope closed the box, sat on it, and when the Penguin came around he pointed the first direction he thought of and said "She went that way." The dumb bird believed it, and took off.

When the coast was clear, Tightrope opened the box again and said, "It's okay, he's gone."

"Why did ya save her?" Apple Bloom asked, "Ah was kinda enjoyin' that!"

Diamond Tiara took great offense to that, and in retaliation, hugged Tightrope and said smugly "Because he's a gallant gentlepony, unlike you!" Then, glad at seeing her words had hurt like they intended, she indulged her personal curiosity. "Just what was that thing?"

"Looked like a--"

"AAAAHHH!" Diamond Tiara shrieked and jumped ten feet in the air, and then fell into the arms of Raydence, whom she had not heard approach. Indeed, he could be as quiet as a cat sometimes, and his sudden appearance had taken everypony by surprise. "You big brute! How dare you scare a lady like that!" Diamond Tiara angrily beat on Ray's chest.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." Then he glanced ahead at where the penguin had gone. "As I was saying, that looked like a penguin. But why would there be one of those here?"

"I can answer that!" said Twilight Sparkle as she entered the gathering. "That penguin is Pemzeek. My aunt Arctica was having a housecleaning day and needed him out of the way, so I offered to penguin-sit. Unfortunately he got loose. We have to get him back!"

"There he is right now," Raydence noted, "I'll just put her down and--"

A second ago, Diamond Tiara would've welcomed being put down, but as soon as she saw Pemzeek heading her way she quickly scrambled right back into the very arms she had just vacated, even as Pemzeek stood at Raydence's feet and looked up with lovelorn eyes at the filly he was scaring so much.

"Oh, good!" Twilight Sparkle sighed, "Thanks for everything! I'll just take Pemzeek home with me... come on, Pemzeek!" But the penguin refused to move. Twilight grrrred, and said, "Fine, how about this?" and then used her teleport magic to send Pemzeek right to the library!

Diamond Tiara looked around, asked, "Is it gone?" and sighed with relief when it seemed like the answer was yes. Yet no sooner had she started to scramble back to the ground than Pemzeek came running up yet again and Diamond Tiara had to scramble right back into Raydence's arms!

Sweetie Belle whispered, "I know this sounds crazy, but I'm starting to feel sorry for her."

Sweetie Belle didn't feel sorry for long, for all the sudden Pemzeek fell over backwards!

The event was so sudden, that every pony at first couldn't believe what had happened. Diamond Tiara was the first to take advantage of it, jump out of Raydence's arms and run home as fast as she could, leaving the rest to puzzle out the mystery of the fainted penguin.

Twilight Sparkle gasped, and then suddenly teleported him again. "He must be overheated! I have to go run him a cold bath. See you later!"

The girls and guys alike waved their goodbyes, and then Raydence said, "So, it looks like you four ran into something interesting."

Apple Bloom sighed. "Yup. We thought it'd lead to our cutie marks, too."

"Well, don't despair. I'm sure you'll find your special talents when you least expect it."

Well it turned out, they were done talent-scouting for the day. So what did they do instead? Why, just found themselves a beach ball and played a little game of bounce-the-ball, a fun little kid's game where they bounce the ball to each other with their heads. The only objective is don't let the ball touch the ground. It was slow, it was relaxing, it was relatively noncompetitive. In other words, it was a time waster. And the kids loved it.

Tightrope absolutely sucked at it. Perhaps that was no surprise, but after the third drop, Sweetie Belle suggested a modification designed specifically to let the colt get some practice in.

It was while Tightrope was running to catch the ball on his noggin', after Sweets had accidentally knocked it into some bushes, that he had his second run-in that day with Diamond Tiara. The ball bounced off her head, but she barely seemed to notice as she came out of the bushes, her face in Tightrope's.

"What do you want?" Apple Bloom asked with a hint of challenge in her tone.

Diamond Tiara ignored the question entirely. She spoke directly to Tightrope. "I just wanted to thank you again for saving me." That was what she said, but the look on her face said something more.

"Uhhh... okay."

Tiara glanced around. "Is this what you do with your time? Stand around playing ball? Aren't you a genius or something?"

"Ummm..."

Diamond Tiara came and scootched right up next to Tightrope. "I could show you a much better time than these bozos. You'd like to see a good time, wouldn't you?"

"Uhhhh..." The truth was, there was just something about the way she said good time that made the little fellah just slightly uneasy.

Scootaloo put her hoof down, "What are you talking about? He's having a good enough time right here! He doesn't want to hang out with you!"

Diamond Tiara made a smirk, "Why not let him decide that? Come on Tightrope, who would you rather hang with? These country bumpkins, or someone suave, clean and beautiful, like myself?"

Tightrope backed away from Diamond Tiara at that very moment. The truth was, something about her reminded him too much of another pony he would just as soon forget. Diamond Tiara didn't seem to be happy about this, and tried to keep pace with him, but Tightrope backed away faster, and she caught up faster... and then he backed into a tree.

And then Diamond Tiara backed her little rump right into Tightrope's face!

Apple Bloom, Sweets and Scootaloo gasped, and Diamond Tiara smirked a bigger smirk and continued the backing. "You like that, huh?"

All the sudden Tightrope pushed her off, and cried out "Soap! I need soap!" And spat and ran towards the nearest pond. Even after splashing his head a few times, he still declared, "Dirty! I feel so dirty!"

"DIRTY?!" Diamond Tiara cried out in rage.

"Ewww," Sweetie Belle ewwwed, as the three Cutie Mark Crusaders went to Tightrope's side, casting awkward glances at Diamond Tiara as they did so. Tightrope, meanwhile, felt so dirty that he even tried rubbing actual dirt in his face, because that felt cleaner.

Scootaloo said, "Hang on, I'll get some soap," and she dashed off to the nearest house and was back in just a split second. Tightrope washed his face three times, and even then he gargled some pond water because he was afraid his mouth might be dirty too.

When he was done, he glanced around, but Diamond Tiara had left. He breathed a sigh of relief.

It was something like seventeen minutes and twenty-two seconds later that they ran past Twilight Sparkle, wearing saddlebags and looking quite upset about something. As she passed by, something jumped out of her saddlebags and right into Apple Bloom's hooves. A wet, wiggling thing...

"What the hay is Twilight doin' with a fish?"

"MY FISH!" Twilight rushed back and reclaimed it, and left again with a brief "Thanks, girls!"

"Hey, wait up!" Apple Bloom asked, "What's goin' on?"

"Pemzeek is sick!" Twilight briefly explained as she ran home. The Crusaders glanced at each other, and mutually made up their minds to follow Twilight and see what the problem was.

The path took them to a small, rarely-seen room of the library, somewhere in the middle of the tree where there were no windows and all the illumination came from candles, and yet the reflective crystals of ice all around served to make this meager light more than adequate. The minute the kids stepped in, they realized how chill it was.

There, sitting in the middle, was Pemzeek. He slouched, and carried an air about him as if his grandmother died or something. Twilight Sparkle lay a fish in front of him, and said, "There! A yummy fish! You like fish, don't you?"

Scootaloo asked, "Penguins eat fish?"

"Of course!"

"Ugh," Scootaloo made a disgusted look. "Where do all these meat-eaters come from?"

Twilight Sparkle barely heard the question. "Oh... come on Pemzeek, you must eat!"

Sweetie Belle considered, "Maybe it's just me, but it looks like he's depressed about something."

"I know, but what? What do penguins get depressed about? Oh, what to do what to do!"

Apple Bloom tried to cheer her up, "Well, maybe he's just tired from chasin' Diamond Tiara all around town?"

Almost instantly Twilight lit up. "Of course! Nova Scotia!"

"Nova whatia?"

"Nova Scotia! Oh, she's a little filly Pemzeek loved to play with up in the arctic! She looks almost just like Diamond Tiara! Oh, when Pemzeek saw her he must've thought she was his little friend! We've got to get them together again!"

The minute Tiara's name had been mentioned, Tightrope was already backing out the door. Just before he left, he said, "Y-yeah, good luck with that. I've... got to get going."

And Tightrope went running before anypony could voice any objection to his leaving. Even so, as he ran downstairs, he justified to himself, Anyway, they can find Diamond Tiara without my help. I'd just... I'd just get in their way! Yeah, that's it! That's what he said, and yet in his heart he knew the truth.

His heart was forced to confront that truth when, halfway home, he found himself getting tackled by two girls.

"Well well well!" An all-too-familiar female voice said, "What happened to your girlfriends? They dump you already?"

"G-g-get off me..." Tightrope tried to sound tough, but just couldn't manage it. Being this close to Diamond Tiara made him feel nervous in ways he could barely understand. Oh, he had read textbooks on this kind of thing, of course, but reading a book and being confronted with it up-close were completely different!

"Get off you? Ooookaaaayyy!" And Diamond Tiara rolled to her side. Just as Tightrope was about to bolt, another filly pushed him onto her. The colt went EEP! And Diamond Tiara asked, "Is this better? You're a strong, dominating man, right?"

Tightrope jumped back as far as his little legs could carry him, and said, "Please, just leave me alone!" And yet it only took him a split-second to see that Diamond Tiara and that friend of hers had no intention of any such thing, so he turned and ran. And in his blind rush to get away, he made several wrong turns, tripped over far too many things that just happened to be out in the road, and finally made the classic mistake of turning into a dead-end alley, where to his horror he found Diamond Tiara and her friend--Silver something--were still right behind him.

"What do you want?!" Tightrope demanded.

"What do you think? I'm not gonna let those dirty little peasants have the satisfaction of finding a boyfriend before I do! So you're gonna like me, and you're gonna enjoy it!"

"NOW, GIRLS!"

Who? Where? Almost clear out of the blue, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo jumped on Diamond Tiara and Silver-whatever, pinning them down! Tightrope almost couldn't believe it, and had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't just hallucinating his out-of-nowhere rescue!

"Let go of me!" Diamond Tiara demanded.

"Thanks!" Tightrope said to his friends as he squeezed past, his heart racing, glad to be out of that alley--and no sooner did he leave than he bumped into Filthy Rich! And he didn't at all look pleased.

"What are you Crusaders doing to my daughter?!" He demanded gruffly.

"Hold on--"

"ACK!" Filthy Rich jumped ten feet in the air, and landed in the arms of Raydence, who once again had come up without being noticed and had tried to speak. But since Filthy Rich was considerably heavier and nowhere near as cute, Raydence had to put him down.

The human said, "As I was saying, hold on a minute. A better question is, 'why was Diamond Tiara chasing my little bro all over creation'?" Raydence glanced into the alley. "Seems like we've had a lot of chases today."

Filthy Rich asked, "My daughter was chasing him?"

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Duh. Probably wanted to stick her butt in his face again."

And Filthy Rich's eyes went wide, and he sighed painfully, "Oh, Diamond Tiara, you didn't! Not again!"

"Daddy...!" Diamond Tiara pleaded, her eyes all big and watery.

"That's the second scandal this week!"

"Scandal?" Raydence asked, "What?"

Filthy Rich glanced around motioned the human closer. He tried to whisper, but Tightrope was so close by that he was able to hear every word of what Filthy Rich said: "Diamond Tiara's developing a little too fast. She's a mare before her time, if you understand me."

"Ah," Raydence nodded. Raydence stood, and said, "Well, I think we can avoid another scandal. Looked to me like just a bunch of kids playing rough."

"Right, right. So, I'll just take my daughter home..."

"Now wait a minute!" Apple Bloom cried out. "We need Diamond Tiara!"

"HUH?!" Diamond Tiara's eyes went wide with shock.

"Pemzeek the penguin is sick! Twilight thinks seein' Diamond Tiara again will make him all better!"

And if Diamond Tiara's eyes could widen any further, they did. "WHAT?! No way! Let me go, let me go!" She demanded, struggling like a skittish kitten to get out of a loving child's grasp. And yet it was fruitless, for even when she finally managed to escape, her own father picked her up and placed her on his back.

"What, that fine bird in danger? Well then, I'm sure my daughter understands her civic duty! Come along, Tiara!"

And he carried her along, Tiara the whole time cringing in fearful anticipation.

So it happened at last that Pemzeek finally caught up with Diamond Tiara. Together at last, Diamond Tiara sat on the chill floor with a scowl etched across her face, while Pemzeek picked the bugs out of her fur with his beak. Twilight Sparkle giggled, "Oh, they're so happy together!"

"Yeah," Scootaloo smirked, "Thrilled!"

Sweetie Belle suggested, "Let's leave the two birds alone, shall we?"

Tightrope, meanwhile, had washed his face again, and gargled some mouthwash, while Raydence leaned against a windowsill and looked out. Raydence happened to notice a little desk, on which Twilight Sparkle had begun a letter, but she had only gotten as far as Dear Princess Celestia.

The mischevious human could not resist pulling out a ballpoint pen, and finishing the letter:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that both Diamond Tiara and her father have frail nerves.

Then Surprise smirked, and added:

I also learned how one can be a nudist and still be a nymphomaniac.

MEANWHILE, IN THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE!

"There!" NoGiantRobots1983 declared. "I've finished it. I'm particularly proud of that scene where Diamond Tiara shows her soft side and reveals she really loves the penguin. Yep, just a cute, fun, lighthearted story about a bunch of kids learning one of those sugary sweet life lessons! So much better than the original version! D.T. trying to force herself on Tightrope, what was I thinking? That would get banned from the internet in like ten seconds! Man, I'm glad I'm not posting that! Now, I think I'll go grab a soda and play some Street Fighter!"

And so NoGiantRobots left his desk unattended, not knowing a mischevious white pegasus had been waiting for just that moment. When the master had left the room, the pegasus came out to play.

"Hmmm... well, this story is cute," she said to herself. "But you know, I think readers deserve to know what really happened. I'll just replace this with the original draft. NoGiantRobots will never notice!"

Surprise went back into hiding just in time for NoGiantRobots1983 to come back into the room, and say to himself, "Now to upload the story..."

COMING NEXT!

The Final Surprise Days Adventure

~ Miracle Road ~

We'll see you there!

Scene 1 - An Underground Surprise
View Online

Surprise Days

Scene 1 - An Underground Surprise

~ Surprise Days ~

A thing by someone you wouldn't care to know

NoGiantRobots1983

( nogiantrobots1983@gmail.com )

With a little help from

The devil hersel--err, I mean, Surprise!

and with a copyright attribution to a little group called

Hasbro

(they made Yahtzee, doncha know!)

~ Let's begin! ~

Scene 1

An Underground Surprise

The crowd gathered around the town hall stage. Murmurs spread among the ponies like fire among dead leaves. Though this noon was bright and beautiful, there was a palpable atmosphere of fear among Ponyville's citizens this day.

The mayor nervously stepped up to the podium, and the eyes of the audience turned towards her. It was clear that the mayor was just as nervous as everypony else, for she even hesitated a moment before knocking on the podium and beginning her speech, which she delivered slowly, almost as if she was making it up as she went:

"Fillies and Gentlecolts, may I have your attention! As you all know, last night we suffered an... incursion. The perpetrators were positively identified as the Diamond Dogs who live in the tunnels below the rock quarry. Fortunately, one of their own had risked his freedom to warn us of the attack, so we were able to mount a pre-emptive defense and drive them off. I am expecting a pair of guests who have prior experience with the Diamond Dogs to come and discuss with us what, if any, further action should be taken. They... seem to be running late..."

"Sorry, sorry!" Twilight Sparkle apologized, rushing through the crowd and to the stage. Close behind her was Rarity. "Sorry I'm late, mayor."

"Actually, you're right on time, Miss Sparkle!" the Mayor then addressed the townsfolk, "With me is Twilight Sparkle and her friend Rarity, whom I'm sure we all know. These unicorns have had dealings with the Diamond Dogs in the past. In fact, Rarity, isn't it true that the Diamond Dogs are sort of business partners of yours?"

Rarity came to the podium, "It's true, your honor, that I do solicit their help in acquiring diamonds and precious gemstones for my outfits. I use my powers to discover them, they dig, and in exchange they get to keep a portion of the findings."

The mayor tried to be as non-accusatory as possible, but the nature of her next question didn't help that much: "Then please, explain to us why the Diamond Dogs mounted their assault last night."

"Very well, but keep in mind all I know comes from my contact. This is the very same contact who warned us of the coming assault in the first place, and though I'm duty-bound not to name him, I will say that I trust his information completely.

"Now then, the facts as they've been related to me are, put simply, that the Diamond Dog society is under new management. In former times, the Diamond Dogs had existed as 'tribes', each claiming ownership of their own warren. This changed just recently, when one called Dowazer proposed uniting the tribes into a Kingdom, with himself as King. I'm not quite sure how or why, but he got his wish: Dowazer is now King Dowazer, and he believes that he needs a Queen.

"Which brings us to last night. Dowazer loves ponies, and he is determined that a Pony will be his Queen."

Rainbow Dash was in the crowd. When Rarity finished speaking, Dash flew up and said "So why doesn't that guy just come up and start dating, like everything else? Why kidnap a bride?"

"Unfortunately, kidnapping a bride is something of a Diamond Dog tradition. Their women actually think being kidnapped is romantic. I know that sounds horrible, but if it works for them, who are we to judge?"

"That doesn't give them the right to kidnap us!" Dash countered.

"On that note I agree, and therefore I think we should mount a diplomatic envoy in order to explain this to King Dowazer."

The Mayor clapped the floor happily, and said "Bravo, Rarity! Twilight Sparkle, do you concur?"

"I'm afraid I do not." Twilight announced as she stepped up to the podium. "My apologies to my friend Rarity, but I think the best course of action would be to stay here and simply defend ourselves from future attacks."

"And why is that?" the Mayor asked, curious as to why the normally peaceful Twilight Sparkle would propose such a military solution.

"It's as Rarity said, the Diamond Dogs are primitives. I doubt they would ever understand our way of thinking. Therefore--"

"Excuse me!"

The ponies in the audience were in awe, the ponies on stage were in shock. Leaning over the podium was a seemingly furless-creature in dark clothing and with a black mane that covered his eyes (they assumed it was a he from the voice). It was hard to tell what with the whole covered-eyes thing going on, but he seemed to be looking at Twilight and Rarity and somehow they sensed an urgent intent.

The creature then said "Did you say Diamond Dogs? Big, burly brutes with diamond collars?"

"Those are them, yes."

"Where do they live?"

Rainbow Dash was on stage now, and she tapped the creature and said "Just who--or what--are you?"

The creature glanced at her as if her interruption had broken his thoughts, and he shook his head once and said "Oh, beg yer pardon. I'm Raydence, a human being. My owner was kidnapped by these Diamond Dog thingamabobs and I aim to get her back."

"All by yourself?" Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow. "You don't look like you'd last ten seconds against them!"

"That's right!" Fluttershy was on stage now too. She stood on her hind legs and held the creature at belly-level with her forehooves, looking at him imploringly. "You'd have no chance against them! You look like such a delicate, little creature!"

Raydence glanced her way for a second, then slowly turned his head to Rainbow Dash and said "Did she just call me 'little'?"

Rarity suddenly said "I think the imperative question is: who is this 'owner' the creature speaks of?"

All eyes turned towards the Raydence creature, and he quickly said "Oh, she's a pegasus named Surprise. Dusty white, green mane and tail, real curly. Balloon mark on her hind."

"And when was she abducted?" Rarity pressed.

"Just about five minutes ago. We were going through the woods, when she stopped and said 'climb that tree and get some bananas'. And just as I picked a few, I heard her call out and saw these big dog-things run away with her."

Then Rarity said to Twilight Sparkle "I guess that settles it. We have to see the Diamond Dogs, whether we like it or not."

"I agree," Twilight said. "All right. You're here, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are accounted for. Has anyone seen Applejack and Pinkie Pie?"

And like magic, the two afformentioned climbed on stage and Applejack called "We're here, sugarcube!"

Pinkie bounced up to the human, and her bounce was so high it brought their faces to the same level. "Hi!" she said on her first bounce, "Never seen anything like you before!" she said on the second, "Wanna play as soon as we get back?" third bounce, "Are you hungry?"

The whole time, Raydence watched her with what almost could be a mild shock.

Twilight Sparkle said to the mayor "We're setting out immediately!"

"Umm," that was Fluttershy, "Actually, I'd rather not come."

Rainbow Dash gave a frustrated sigh. "Seriously, Fluttershy?"

"Well, it's just, I mean, I didn't really help much the last time we went down there. I'll just... somepony needs to take care of this thing, whatever it is!"

The human seemed a little annoyed, "But, I'm going with them!"

"No you're not!" Fluttershy said matter-of-factly.

"No offense, but I don't think you can stop me."

No sooner had the human said this than Fluttershy pushed him down and gave him the Stare! The human tried to look away, his will struggling to maintain control. But within moments, he was completely under her power.

Twilight Sparkle said "Okay, you take care of that. Everpony else," and she could not resist dramatically rearing up, "Let's go!"

Long ago, the ponies had first entered the Diamond Dogs' kingdom through a hole in Rarity's favorite jewel quarry. Since then, Rarity had discovered a better entrance, in a cliff face near the same general area. And now, once again, the ponies were to venture underground for another confrontation!

Rarity waved her mane, "I shall go first, and act as delegate! I'm familiar to them, after all." This offer was generally agreed to, and Rarity led the way. The magic of her horn lit the darkest parts of their journey, for there were some parts of the cave system rarely ventured to and thus, left unlighted. In fact, the primary way they could tell they had gotten close to the Dogs' kingdom was that they no longer needed Rarity's magic.

On the outskirts of the Kingdom, they ran into a pair of guards. Rarity spoke: "Greetings, fair sirs! I am Lady Rarity, and I would like an audience with King Dowazer."

The guard on the left answered her with a firm salute, and said "My apologies, but the King has ordered no interference this day."

"And why not?"

"Because he thinks he's found a bride! And today is his--"

"Oh no!" Pinkie gasped. "You mean that horrible King has already forced poor Surprise to marry him?"

And that was when Applejack raised up! Waving her front hooves in the air, she declared "That's despicable! Nopony is bein' forced into marriage long as Ah have anything to say about it!" With that heroic declaration, Applejack brought her hooves back to the ground, and no sooner had they hit dirt than she was racing off, straight past the guards! In her wake, ten other soldiers of the Dog Kingdom tried to stop her, and all ten fell like pins in a bowling alley!

Rarity called out "Applejack, wait!" but it was no use, so instead Rarity gave chase, giving hasty apologies to every dropped Diamond Dog she ran past. The other girls simply tried to keep up, but as far as they were concerned the situation had gone downhill.

Applejack screeched to a halt at an intersection, finally allowing the other ponies to catch up to her. She looked at Rarity and said "So, which way now?"

"Maybe they know," Rarity ventured a guess, indicating some approaching dog soldiers.

"Uhh, they don't look to be in a talkin' mood."

"Gee, I wonder why," Rarity mumbled under her breath.

The dogs aimed their spears at the ponies, and the leader said "You ponies attack us, knock us down! You hurt us! What have you got to say for yourselves!"

"My sincerest apologies, good sirs! It's just that my friend here wanted so badly to become King Dowazer's bride that when you said he was already married, she lost her cool."

And then the dogs all lowered their spears. "You mean, pony with hat wants marry King?"

Applejack whispered "Rarity, what in tarnation--"

But Rarity kept on, "Oh yes, she's admired him from afar for quite some time! You understand a young mare's heart, don't you?"

As a matter of fact, they were scratching their heads. But the dogs generally understood that somepony actually wanted to marry their king and said "You be in luck. King not married yet."

Applejack objected, "But you guys told me he found a bride!"

"He thinks he found bride. That's why he on a Trial Marriage!"

Rarity raised an eyebrow, "A Trial Marriage?"

"Yeah. They live as couple for awhile, see how work out! If works, they get married for real!"

Twilight beamed a happy smile, "Then we're not too late!"

The dogs just shrugged, and the lead one said "If want to speak to King, go that way. King down there."

"Why thank you, kind sirs!" Rarity said, and led the delegation down the road pointed. To keep up appearances, she said to Applejack "this is your lucky day, you'll be the bride of royalty yet!"

"Ah can hardly wait," Applejack muttered sarcastically.

The first sign that they had reached an area of royalty was the decor: this wide open cave was arranged very artistically, with not a single detail going to waste and being overlooked. Every rock was deliberately placed, every enclave in the wall carefully dug to perfection. Even the stalactites were arranged according to some regal pattern!

On the far side of this cave was a very strange sight: up against the flattest wall in the cavern were Diamond Dogs, naked and being directed to stack atop each other. Not all were standing: some were laying on their sides, some were turned upside-down. Some were face-forward, some were faced toward the wall. A voice directed one dog to put its arm between the two below him, as if the director did not want one centimeter of the cave wall to be visible thru this ensemble.

And who was directing this strange, living jigsaw puzzle? Why, it was a pegasus pony! The mare had a dusty white coat of fur and her mane and tail were neon green, and both curled in a way that struck the five as oddly familiar.

As the five got closer, they heard the pegasus say "No, no, that doesn't look right. You, switch places with him! There, that's better."

King Dowazer was right nearby, watering some moss. He looked up to ask "Everything all right, my dear?"

"Everything's fine, sweetie!"

Applejack had to ask "What exactly are ya'll doin'?"

The white pegasus did not break concentration as she answered "I'm creating a work of art. Don't you see it?"

"Ah see a bunch of Diamond Dogs climbing all over each other like a bunch of fools."

"Ah, one of those types. Can't see past the surface. If you look closely, you'll see I'm making a landscape painting! The way the hues of their fur collide and contrast, if arranged the right way, form a vista of stunning mountains!"

Rarity scratched her chin, then gasped "Oh my gosh... I see it!"

Twilight Sparkle had to roll her eyes. "This is getting ridiculous. Let me guess, you're Surprise, right?"

"mmhmm." Surprise didn't seem to care at first, then she realized what had been said and turned to Twilight Sparkle "Wait a minute, how do you know my name?"

Twilight opened her mouth, but her words were cut short by a commotion from the corridor! As the noises got louder, they could clearly make out Fluttershy's voice, saying things like "Oh, please stop! Oh, I'm so sorry. Please, let's go back!"

When they finally saw Fluttershy, she was desperately clutching Raydence around the chest. The poor pegasus tried her best to budge the human and drag him back to Ponyville, but she just couldn't do it. When she saw her friends, Fluttershy said "Oh, I'm so sorry, but he insisted on coming after you! I tried, but I just couldn't stop him!"

To which Surprise said "Of course you couldn't. I don't raise my humans to be wimps!"

Raydence nearly stumbled, but then righted himself. He glanced over the situation and then at Surprise. "Yep, just as I thought, I arrived just in the nick of time. Come on, Surprise, we're getting out of here."

Then King Dowazer asked "My dear, are these friends of yours?"

"Of course, dearest! This is Raydence, my pet human! He's very sweet-tempered and obedient, and as you can see he'll follow his owner to the ends of the world!"

"Oh ho ho, we're still only a trial marriage and already we have ourselves a pet! Raydence, was it? Would you fetch my slippers for me?"

Raydence did not. He merely looked at King Dowazer for a second before huffily turning around and saying "That's it, I'm out of here."

That's when Rainbow Dash asked "Wait, didn't you come here to rescue Surprise?"

To which Raydence said "I wasn't worried about Surprise, I was worried about the Diamond Dogs!"

Surprise beat her front hoof into the ground, and said "Raydence, come back here!"

"Why, so you can add me to that living jigsaw puzzle too? You've got enough pets! Anyway, if that hubby of yours is jus' lettin' ya do this, then he's as loony as you are! Dealin' with one crack-brain slavedriver is hard enough, no way am I gonna try dealin' with two!"

"RAYDENCE!"

At that moment the living jigsaw puzzle fell apart. The Diamond Dogs scrambled out of the big pile on the floor and got on their knees around King Dowazer. They begged, they pleaded! One said "get rid of that pony! She's a terror!" Another said "My sister loved you long time, please marry her instead!" Yet another said "Please no punish us no more! We sorry! Not know what did, but sorry anyway!"

Surprise looked at the dogs, then at Raydence, and said to her beloved "I'm sorry, baby, but I guess its not going to work out."

King Dowazer sniffed and choked back a tear, "I... I noticed. I'm sorry it has to end this way!"

And so King Dowazer and Surprise shared one last hug, and she said "Don't forget me!" and Dowazer said "I'll always remember you!" And that was how they tearfully parted. Surprise came to Raydence side and, her face downcast, said "Come on, let's go."

The entire journey back, Twilight Sparkle and her friends couldn't help but feel confused inside.

"Gosh," Applejack said, "If I'da known she wanted to be married, I woulda minded mah own business!"

"Poor King Dowazer was so sad too!" Pinkie Pie said.

Oddly enough, Rarity was the one pony who showed absolutely no signs of regret. But she refused to say anything.

Rainbow Dash glanced at Raydence, and got upset. It was as she whispered to her friends: "Look at that human! So smug. I bet he doesn't feel the least bit bad about ruining everything!"

And in fact, he didn't. Raydence proved it when they got out of the cave and the first thing he said was "Let's hit up the public baths. These dog germs are killing me!"

Rainbow Dash couldn't hold it in. She flew right into Raydence's face and said "Just what the heck gives you the right to be so selfish, huh? Look at you, you just ruined your owner's one chance at true love and all you can think about is a bath! Didn't you just once stop to ask how she might feel?"

Raydence's deadpan expression grew to a smirk, then expanded into a smile. Then suddenly, Raydence and Surprise both burst into laughter!

Rainbow Dash felt deflated, and confused. "Wait, what... what's so funny? Come on!"

Surprise calmed down. What really caught Dash off-guard was that when the dusty white pegasus next spoke, her voice had changed--previously it had been a filly-like high-pitched squeal, similar to a schoolchild or to Pinkie Pie, but now Surprise had the voice of an older mare, one that bespoke motherly wisdom, sounding somewhat like a mix between Cheerilee and Celestia. Anyway, Surprise said "My apologies for misleading you. That was all an act, put on for the king's benefit. I didn't mean to fool any ponies."

Rainbow Dash scratched her ear, then asked "So... you didn't really want to marry the King of the Diamond Dogs?"

Suddenly Surprise's voice changed again, back into filly-mode. "Of course not! Those Diamond Dogs are disgusting freaks of nature! Anyway, Raydence is right: we really need a bath!"

Happily, Rarity offered "I know just the place!" and eagerly led the new pony and her pet human back to Ponyville. Fluttershy stayed ahead to learn more about the human, but Twilight, Dash, Pinkie and Applejack trailed behind, trying to make sense of their new friends.

Pinkie Pie mumbled "There is something wrong with that pony!"

"Oh, Pinkie!" was Twilight's response, "we're all a little bit weird. Let's give her a chance! Who knows, she may just... surprise us."

As bad as that pun was, the four who trailed behind got a good chuckle out of it. Then Dash said "You know, as lame as this sounds, I kinda wonder what's going on with the Diamond Dogs right now."

And what was going on with the Diamond Dogs? Well, here's the answer:

Page, being the royal page, asked King Dowazer "Hey, you want we should raid Ponyville again tonight?"

A clank came from Dowazer's chamber, followed by a "No, there's no need. I've given up on ponies." Then there was another clank. "From now on, I'm staying true to my first love." Clank. Page couldn't hold back his curiosity, so he just had to see what King Dowzer's "first love" was:

It was Granite Sculpturing. And Dowazer was nowhere near good at it. Even so, Page couldn't help but be a little relieved. At least a statue wouldn't order servants to do strange things.

Page silently backed away, not bothering to ask anymore questions or, indeed, speak to King Dowzer ever again. The first Diamond Dog he ran into was an old friend of his, whom he felt comfortable sharing his thoughts with. "Man!" Page said to his friend, "Why we want this crazy kook to be our King?"

"Me not know," Page's friend said, "Personally, liked better when we were all tribes. Made more sense that way."

"Know what? I think suggest to my leader we break away from Kingdom, go back to being tribe."

"Know what? Me too."

Very soon, one tribe after another was seceding from the Diamond Dog Kingdom, and King Dowazer went back to his old job, the one he was most qualified for: he was a glassblower.

And that's how the Dog Kingdom was un-made!

~ See you next Scene! ~