Chapters "Terrible dream. You, Mary, Gladstone, and I were on a restaurant. That satanic pony was there as well, a massive fork in his hoof and he turned on me!" – Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes – A Game of Shadows, 2011
CHAPTER TWO
PONY STARK
RAWR!
"What the hell!" the billionaire in a metal suit screamed, waking up from his near-permanent slumber "What just happened? Please, tell me nobody kissed me"
His name was Tony Stark. He's also known as Iron Man as named by a reporter who was a big fan of Black Sabbath. Tony Stark used to be a self-centered, billionaire weapons dealer until he was captured by terrorists and escaped with a suit of armor. Then he became a self-centered, billionaire superhero patrolling the world on his super-suit which would be like if Bill Gates one day decided to pilot a Megazord and stop petty thieves. Ever since coming back from Afghanistan, Tony swore to never build weapons again, and then he started to build weapons again, but for his own use only, because second amendment, motherfucker!
Despite being a civilian with enough firepower to level a small country, the government (mostly) left him alone. I mean, it's not like Tony has an army of those things on his basement that he can control by remote. Now, that would require some accountability.
The reason why Tony almost died was because he had to guide a missile (probably signed 'Fuck You, New York. Love, Hollywood') away from the city and towards the mothership of invading aliens who wanted to enslave everyone. It was a wild weekend.
Tony takes a second to look at the men surrounding him. His fellow fighters who helped him defeat the bad guys. There they were:
Thor. The God of Thunder, which sounds impressive until you realize that thunder is nothing but sound, which makes him the God of Loud Noises. Thor was the prince of the faraway (and by faraway, we mean on the other side of the universe) realm of Asgard. Thor was shocked to discover that his beloved little brother, Loki, had turned evil and would try to bring the end of everything that exists, even though anyone with a little knowledge of mythology already knew that for, like, the last 2000 years.
Bruce Banner. The Hulk. The giant green guy that woke him up. A brilliant scientist who got in an accident that cursed him to turn into an uncontrollable hulking beast of rage every time he got angry, or horny, or any time his heart rate peaked, or when he tried to commit suicide, and then anytime he wanted, and sometimes when he didn't want, and then the beast wasn't that much uncontrollable anymore. You think this is inconsistent? Well, did you know that in the original comics he turned into the Hulk every night like a fucking werewolf? And then there was some shit with alien rays that stuck him into Hulk mode, but susceptible to mind control by an average teenager? Then he only would become the Hulk if he bathed himself into Gamma rays again and then once more to turn back into Banner, and THEN the whole angry thing finally came along TWO YEARS after the Hulk debuted! But still then, if the Hulk got too angry he would turn back into Banner! So, yeah.
When he's not a monster, Banner is Tony's bestie (Don't tell Rhodey).
Steve Rogers. The living legend, Captain America. A scrawny kid from the 40's who turned into a war hero thanks to the purity of his heart and some steroids. Steve was deemed dead at the end of the war but was actually frozen in the Arctic Circle. 70 years later he was thawed out and sent to fight aliens with monsters, flying metal men and Gods, because that wouldn't damage his psyche at all. No, really, it didn't. Everyone he knew was dead, his old morals and ideals were considered antiquated, the world was 70 years ahead of him, and then the world was attacked (and defended) by shit that even modern men was having trouble understanding, but he didn't even seen that much bothered about any of it. He's probably a psychopath. Definitely a virgin. He also smells of patriotism and retirement homes.
Together they were strong. Together they were the Fantastic Four! But then Black Widow and Hawkeye joined the gang pushing up the number of heroes from four to six. So, now they are the Avengers.
Natasha Romanoff. The Black Widow. Former Russian spy, master of manipulation, and ridiculously out of her league under the current situation. She joined the group to resolve personal issues, and also, you know, "Sausage Fest", "Girl Power", that kind of crap. (Nobody ever complains about the lack of male members on an all-female group though. Double-standard sexists!) She did close the portal which killed all the aliens, so there's that.
Clint Barton. Hawkeye. An agent of SHIELD who's really, really, really good with a bow. He joined the group to redeem himself and get revenge over Loki for brainwashing him. Plus, no matter how obsolete and impractical into a war situation it may be, archery is cool in anyone's book. Tony has no idea where Clint is now. He's probably dead. They can mourn him later.
The Avengers were brought together by Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD. Nick Fury wears an eye patch after his left eye was "clawed" off by a Canadian whose name we can't mention because of film rights.
It was at moments like this, surrounded by a giant Gamma monster, a mythological God, a guy who survived being frozen for 70 years, and the corpses of giant, floating space snakes near a building who opened a portal to another dimension powered by a never-ending, perpetual motion energy source, while being watched by a spy agency on a invisible, flying air carrier, that Tony Stark realized that science should be crying right now.
"We won" Steve Rogers said
"All right, yay! Hurray. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it"
"We're not finished yet" said Thor, referring to his loser brother.
"And then shawarma after" Tony insisted
"Uh… Stark?" Steve asked unsure "Is everything okay with your Arc Reactor?"
"Why?" Tony looks down and sees his chest piece flickering repeatedly "Damn it, Steve! What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything!" Steve protested, and before Tony could argue further, his arc reactor shot a Unibeam of blue light towards the sky that blinded the other Avengers. For a moment, Tony could swear that he saw another beam of red light coming from the heavens and colliding with his beam of blue light. And then red became blue and blue became red. But everything was so fast, sudden, and bright, that Stark's brain couldn't process it properly, and with a blink of the eye it was over.
"Oh, wow! That was intense!" Stark said after a moment "Okay, guys, now that we are all properly freaked out, it would be a good time for someone to help me stand before I make another hole in the ozone layer"
"What's the ozone layer?" Thor whispered to Steve who just shrugged and proceeded to help Tony stand up.
"Okay, now" Tony says "Where is the God of Hissy Fits?"
"If I'm not mistaken, Big Guy cemented him in your apartment's floor, Stark" said an almost breathless voice by the radio
"Barton! You're alive!" Stark answered
"What do you mean 'I'm alive'?"
"Nothing. Can you get to the Stark Tower?"
"Sure…"
"What about you, 'Natashalie'? Do you copy?"
"I'm on the tower's roof with Selvig" Natasha answered
"Oh, yeah, Selvig. I forgot about him. Let him rest there for a moment, get a tan. Meet us on my apartment. We have a God to arrest"
A few minutes later, all the Avengers assembled on Tony's apartment, watching as the God of Lies pathetically crawls out of his hole towards the bar, completely unaware of their presence. One has to assume that being repeatedly smashed in the ground by the Hulk would do nasty things to your hearing.
Loki was the cause of all that trouble. Sure, he had his Freudian reasons, but they were just as childish and petty as alternate dimension's Dr. Doofenshmirtz who turned evil because of his lost "Choo-Choo"… Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Well, you see, there's this animated movie based on the Phineas & Ferb cartoon where an alternate version of Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to conquer the Earth by shooting a beam from the top of a building which opens a portal to another dimension for his evil army to pass through… Oh, never mind! Forget I brought it up.
Finally noticing their presence, Loki turns around to face his defeaters "If it's all the same to you" he says, with a faint smile "I'll have that drink now" Tony couldn't help but smile.
After, the Avengers delivered Loki safely to the Helicarrier to be dealt with later, Tony made another call to his girlfriend, Pepper, who, this time, picked up. After their usual banter and Tony assuring her that he's okay, Pepper told him that she should be arriving tomorrow morning, and that they have a lot of mess to clean up. Then they finally had shawarma.
During their bonding supper, Natasha and Clint sat quietly together, eating their snacks, because they totally don't have a thing going on, Steve almost fell asleep on his plate, and Tony kept pestering Thor with questions about how much of what he read on Mythology books was true, like did Loki really convince him to dress up as a bride and pretend to be Freya so he could retrieve his hammer, among other things, all while Banner, now back to normal, did his best to not fall out laughing.
After their dinner, Tony invited all the Avengers to spend the night at Stark Tower, which they accepted. After making sure that all his new friends were comfortable on their rooms, Stark collapsed in his bed, exhausted. Today was a long day, tomorrow will be just as long, so Tony closed his eyes, hoping to be woken up by a kiss from Pepper…
Who opened the window?
Stark feels a cold breeze hit his skin, he tries to cover himself up, but can't find his blanket. He doesn't remember his bed being so fluffy either. He opens his eyes and is shocked to see nothing but blue sky. What happened to my walls? And my ceiling? What happened to my bed?! Stark realizes that he's standing on a cloud, but… that's impossible! You can't stand on a cloud!
"What the fuck?" Stark says, now realizing that his voice sounds girly "What the fuck?" he repeats.
He looks at his hands. They're not hands! They're stumps! Why are they blue? Where are his fingers? Are… are these hooves?! WHY ARE THEY BLUE?! Why does everything look so Technicolor and two-dimensional? What's going on?
Calm down, Stark, calm down. Think, there's gotta be a rational explanation for all of this… Okay, theory number one: I'm high.
"There you are, Rainbow Dash!"
Stark looks down from his cloud and sees a pink pony waving at him.
"Oh, hello there, figment of my imagination" Stark greeted back "What's a 'Rainbow Dash'? Sounds like some kind of cleaning product" Stark wonders if he sniffed Rainbow Dash by accident and that's why he's tripping.
"What?" the pink pony seemed confused, but then smiled again "That's your name, silly!"
"Of course it is" Stark says with a sigh
"C'mon down" the pink pony bounces in the air "The girls are waiting for us at the library!"
"And how do you suggest I get down from here?"
"Huh? Well, you just fly... like always"
"I just fly like always…" Stark repeats, rolling his eyes. Well, it wouldn't be a true fever dream without a flying sequence now, would it? "Okay then, here I go!" Stark jumps from the cloud…
…and falls straight down, screaming.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" the pony asks Stark as he tries to get up from the little depression his body formed in the ground. Well, that crosses out dreaming, as the fall would have woken him up. The 'Sniffed Rainbow Dash' theory still stands though. "Why didn't you flap your wings?"
"I have wings?" Stark looks at the sides of his new body and notices a pair of wings "I have wings… Of course I have wings…"
"Dashie, are you feeling okay?" the pink pony seemed worried
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine" Stark said, trying to stand on his two legs "Who are you, anyway?"
"Who am I?!" the pony said, shocked "You-you don't remember? I'm Pinkie Pie!"
"Nice to meet you, Pinkie Pie" Stark says, completely deadpan "I'm Blue Burrito"
"What? NO!" Pinkie Pie cried "Your name is Rainbow Dash! You gotta remember that!"
"No! My name is NOT Rainbow Dash!" Stark shouts at Pinkie "And is not Blue Burrito either. My name is Tony Stark and I had enough of this weirdness!"
Pinkie looks shocked for a moment, but quickly changes into a determined look and starts to push Stark towards the library.
"What are you doing?" Stark tries to resist, but the Earth Pony is too strong for him.
"We're off to see Twilight!" Pinkie said "She'll know what's wrong with you"
"Twilight?" says Stark "Oh, I got it. So, that's what's happening here, huh? I have just crossed over into the Twilight Zone, haven't I?"
"No, not yet…" Pinkie says, and then head butts Stark into the library "NOW we're in 'Twilight's Zone'!"
Stark falls on his back, and takes a look at his surroundings… Pinkie was right… this IS the Twilight Zone.
"Oh, fuck me…" Stark moans as the residents of the library come closer.
Author's Note
MARVEL FUN FACTS:
There are four known (named) Pegasi in the Main Marvel Universe (Earth-616): Elendil, Aragorn, Valinor, and Brightwind.
Elendil was a black stallion owned by British Communist scientist/spy Nathan Garrett who, using his knowledge on the field of genetic engineering, gave him wings. Riding Elendil and armed with a hi-tech lance of his creation, Garrett became the villain Black Knight. After the Black Knight's ultimate defeat at the hands of Iron Man, Elendil ran away and was captured by Victoria Frankenstein, Victor Frankenstein's great-granddaughter. Victoria tried to "cure" Elendil from its mutation, but only mutated him further giving him sharp teeth, talons in the place of hooves, bat-like leather wings, razor-barbed mane, and a dragon-like tail. Renamed Hellhorse, he's now the ride of villain Dreadknight.
Dr. Dane Whitman was Garret's American nephew. On his deathbed, Garret made Whitman promise that he would use all his scientific breakthroughs for the good. Whitman used his uncle's genetic manipulation technique to give wings to a white steed he named Aragorn, and became the heroic second Black Knight. Still posing as a villain, he joined the Masters of Evil to serve as a spy for the Avengers. Later, while fighting Enchantress with the Defenders, he was magically exiled to the 12th Century. Brunnhilde the Valkyrie became Aragorn's new owner.
Valinor was Whitman's second Pegasus, given to him by Merlin who transported him back to his time. Whitman would eventually reclaim Aragorn while Valinor ended up with the villainous Bloodwraith.
Brightwind is the only pure born Pegasus of this list, as the first two were genetic manipulations and Valinor was magically created by Merlin. When the New Mutants were transported to Asgard by the Enchantress, Native-American mutant Danielle Moonstar found herself in Valhalla, where she rescued a lone Pegasus from a group of hunters. The two became psychically bonded with the horse "selecting" her to be his new rider and following her back to Earth. Danielle named him Brightwind.
Brightwind was the name of her childhood pony.
Elendil debuted in Tales to Astonish #52 in February, 1964
Aragorn debuted in Avengers #48 in January, 1968
Valinor debuted in Hulk Comic (UK) #1 in March, 1978
Brightwind debuted in New Mutants Special Edition #1 in December, 1985
CHAPTER THREE
MY LITTLE TONY
Rainbow Dash blinks her eyes, trying to dissipate the numbness of her mind. She tries to move, but her hooves seem to be tied down to a chair.
"Huh…? HELP!" Dash cries
"Ms. Potts, he's awake"
Oh, no! Dash was hoping it was all a dream…
"KIDNAPPERS! RAPTORS! HAIRLESS BIPEDAL FREAKS!" Dash shouts angrily at the walls
From a door, Pepper Potts enters the room. She carries a cup with a straw. "Tony… Look, I don't know what's wrong with you, but you're really agitated right now… Here, I brought this for you" She offers the cup to Dash, who looks mistrusting at her, but decides to drink anyway.
Dash quickly turns her head and spits all the drink on the floor "WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?! You're trying to poison me!"
"It's applejack" Pepper said "You asked for it before falling unconscious. I thought…"
"You think I'm stupid?" Dash yells angry "This is not Applejack!"
"Yes, it is" Pepper insists "A brandy made of fermented cider: an applejack!"
"Look, you" Dash says with repulse "I don't know who 'Brandy' is, but this is not Applejack. Applejack is a pony and she's my friend"
"I… I'm sorry, what?" Pepper would be laughing right now if she wasn't so worried.
"I want to know what you've done to me, you witch! Where are my friends?"
"Tony, calm down…"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT! I'M NOT A 'TONY'! I'M A PONY! A PEGASUS! Or at least I was until you turned me into one of you freaks!"
"Tony, please…" Pepper said with tears on her eyes "You are Tony Stark, you are a man, and you are among friends"
"I'm Rainbow Dash, I'm a Pegasus, and I don't know who you are" hissed Rainbow Dash on Tony Stark's body, who, from now on, will be called Tony Dash
Pepper shook her head and left the room, crying. Tony Dash couldn't help but feel bad for her, despite all the mistrust and contempt she felt earlier.
"So, let me see if I got this right" said Bruce Banner on the Stark Tower's living room "Tony woke up and tried to attack you and now he's in a containment cell convinced that he's a pony called Rainbow Dash?"
Clint Barton snickered. He's been smiling ever since the beginning of the reunion.
"Exactly" Pepper said "I don't know what to do, he lost his mind"
"He could be suffering from PTSD" suggested Steve
"Well, maybe, but I don't know of any PTSD cases that made the patient think he was a unicorn"
"Pegasus" Pepper corrected "He said he was a Pegasus…"
"Well, whatever it is" Banner continued "it's clear that he needs to talk to a doctor"
"Well, then" Natasha said "Talk to him, Doctor"
Banner looked at Natasha "I'm sorry, but I'm not that kind of doctor…"
"Well, you're not a medic either. That didn't stop you from treating people in India" Natasha remarked
Banner was about to protest, but gave in "Okay, you win. I'll talk to him" He then left the room and went to where Tony was being kept.
"I don't understand" said Thor, who was silent through the entire thing "Is this some kind of Midgardian jest?"
"No, Thor" Pepper answered "I wish it was"
"Hello there"
Tony Dash lifted her head to meet the friendly smile of Bruce Banner.
"Hi" Tony Dash answered with derision
"So, uh, Rainbow Dash, right?" Banner asked, taking a seat in front of Tony Dash
"Who wants to know?"
"Name's Banner. Bruce Banner. I'm a good friend of the guy who used to be you"
"What do you mean 'the guy who used to be me'?"
"Where are you from, Rainbow Dash?" Bruce asked, his eyes down on the Tablet on his hands, searching for something.
"Where I'm from? Equestria, of course"
"Tell me about Equestria" Bruce requested, still looking at his Tablet
"I ain't gonna tell you squat!"
Bruce gives her a quick look, and then goes back to his Tablet "Have you ever heard of New York?"
"What?"
"That's what I thought" Banner mumbles "So, if you ain't gonna tell me about Equestria, maybe you will tell me about your friends like, how was she called, applejuice?"
"Applejack! What have you done to her?! Is she okay?" Tony Dash cries with fear on his/her eyes.
"Does she look like this?" Banner asks, showing her the picture of a pony on his Tablet.
Tony Dash's face gets pale as her eyes widen with horror "Y-you soulless monsters! What have you done to that poor pony?"
"What have we done?" Bruce asks, confused "We didn't do anything. This is just a normal pony"
"Normal?" Tony Dash asks, enraged "In what twisted world, would somepony with an atrophied elongated head, small eyes and an empty stare like that be considered normal? How could you do something like this? How could anypony be so cruel?" Tony Dash debates herself on the chair, crying.
"Tony! Ton— Rainbow Dash!" Bruce shouts "Rainbow Dash! Calm down! Look, I'm just as confused as you are! We're not in Equestria! We're not in Equestria!"
Tony Dash stops debating herself and looks at Banner.
"We're not in Equestria" Banner continues "You asked in what twisted world that could be considered normal? Well, in our twisted world! This is how ponies are here and how they've always been. This is not Equestria. Nobody here ever heard of Equestria just like you never heard of New York. I don't know how this happened, okay? But we lost a friend too and we can only assume he's in Equestria in your body. We don't wanna hurt 'anypony', okay? We just want to understand what's going on"
"He's kidding. Tell me he's kidding" Pepper says, watching Banner and Dash through the security camera "He doesn't actually believe this, does he?"
"Actually, Ms. Potts" Jarvis says "Under the circumstances, Dr. Banner's theory is quite sound. I've completed the tests. Mr. Stark's brainwaves are not his. Someone else is using Mr. Stark's body"
"How can that be possible?" Pepper cries
"Honestly, after everything that happened" Steve says "I don't think 'impossible' is a valid word anymore"
"I will free your hands now, okay?" Banner says, untying Tony Dash from the chair "Ain't gonna hurt you…"
"'Hands', huh?" Tony Dash says "Oh, so these must be 'fingers'! Spike has those!" Bruce couldn't help but smile.
But Dash wasn't feeling so cheerful "Spike… Twilight… I'm never gonna see them again…"
"Don't say that!" Banner reprimanded "If there's something I know very well is desperation. Don't ever lose hope. We're gonna find a way"
Tony Dash gives a small smile "You know, I guess you're not a monster like I thought…"
Banner chuckles "If only you knew… There! You're free"
"So" Tony Dash rubs her wrists "What do I do now?"
"Well, you could take a shower" Banner answers with a smile "Bathroom is that way"
"So, Tony is a pony?" Pepper asks Bruce, who have returned to the living room with the others "That's what you're saying?"
"I'm not saying anything" Bruce answers "Whether Rainbow Dash is real or just a fragment of Tony's personality is irrelevant. In the state he was, insisting that he was Tony Stark would have led us nowhere and only made him more hostile"
"And I thought you wasn't a psychiatrist" Clint said
"Psychologist" Banner corrected
"Whatever"
"Anyway, we need to keep humoring him until we get more information" Banner continued "But I have to say: Equestria? Spike? Applejack? The things he said are too oddly specific to be the result of sudden delusions, and he reacted negatively to a picture of a regular pony, which means that his idea of ponies are a little bit different than ours right now. All of this summed to the brainwave data that Jarvis compiled indicate that, as ridiculous as it sounds, Tony has, in fact, changed bodies with an inter-dimensional, intelligent pony"
The room stood silent for a few awkward minutes.
"So, Tony's a pony" Pepper said again "That's what you're saying"
"I miss the 40's" Steve mumbled
Banner was about to answer her, when Jarvis interrupted "Incoming call from Nick Fury"
"Sorry for interrupting your breakfast" the Director of SHIELD said from the hologram screen on the wall "But we need to discuss the Loki situation. Where's Stark?"
"I-I'm afraid he's not here, sir" Banner answered
"I can see that, Dr. Banner. That's why I asked where he is"
"That's the problem, sir. I… We're not sure"
Suddenly, the doors of the living room burst open, and from it stepped in a soaked, butt-naked Tony Dash.
"Guys, look!" Tony Dash said "I have another finger in between my legs, but I don't know how to make it move" Dash stopped what she was saying when she saw Nick Fury on the screen "Is that a pirate?"
"What? No, I'm not a pirate!"
Blushing, Pepper grabbed Tony Dash by the arm and led her out of the room "Don't they wear clothes where you come from?" Pepper asks, embarrassed.
"Only on special occasions"
"Well, here we always wear clothes!"
"Really?" Dash asks, astounded "Rarity would make a fortune here!"
"What the hell was that?" Fury asks, as soon as Pepper and Dash left the room "What's wrong with Stark?"
"I'm not sure that's Stark"
"Explain yourself, Doctor"
"Uh… Well, this will be hard to believe, but… evidence suggests that Tony's brainwaves were swapped with those of an inter-dimensional po…"
"…BEING!" Natasha cuts Banner off "An inter-dimensional being. It may have been caused by the Tesseract, we don't know"
Nick Fury stood silent for a moment as if digesting the information "Well, find out as soon as possible. Over." He says as the transmission ends.
"Roger that" Natasha says with a sigh.
"No, really" Thor says "This is a jest, isn't it?"
Author's Note
MARVEL FUN FACTS:
There is a race of aliens in the Marvel universe called the Kymellians. The Kymellians have a very equine appearance and their planet was destroyed by an energy generator gone wrong. Most Kymellians escaped alive, drifting the cosmos aboard spaceships. One of them, Aelfyre Whitemane, was very interested on Earth and spent most of his time studying it. One day he found out that Earth scientist Dr. James Power was about to test a new generator, the same that destroyed the Kymellians world. Aelfyre flew to Earth to warn them, but crash landed. He was found mortally wounded by the four Power kids Alex, Julie, Jack, and Kate. He warned them about the "Snarks", a malicious alien race, enemies of the Kymellians, who wanted to use the generator as a weapon. He also transferred his powers to the kids, like Kymellians are able to do before they die, turning the kids into the Power Pack. After the kids defeated the "Snarks" and rescued their father who was kidnapped, they were visited by Byrel Whitemane, Aelfyre's father, who symbolically "adopted" them as his grandchildren. Kofi Whitemane, Aelfyre's cousin, would meet with the Pack and join their adventures every now and then.
The Whitemane clan debuted in Power Pack #1 in August, 1984. Kofi debuted in Power Pack #15 in October, 1985
Watching MLP with my mother. Here's her official statement about Blueblood:
"What a faggot!"
I love my mom.
CHAPTER 5
FRIENDSHIP IS JUST SCIENCE WE DON'T UNDERSTAND YET
CRASH!
"Sorry, sorry" Tony Dash frantically apologizes after dropping, and breaking, the fourth cup that morning "I'm still getting used to these" she says, waving her hands and smiling awkwardly.
"It's okay… uh… Rainbow" Pepper said. She had to admit, it was kind of cute seeing Tony acting so clumsy, awkward and embarrassed. It was like seeing an entirely new side of him, an adorable side.
"Call me Dash. All my friends do" Tony Dash said, smiling while eating a sandwich "By the way, sorry for calling you a hideous creature earlier"
"Don't worry about it" Pepper said, picking the broken cup up from the floor "You were under a lot of stress. I can only imagine how strange all of this is for you"
"Yeah, it is pretty strange" Tony Dash said, with a little sad tone on her voice "Like, this whole world is strange. Even the names! I mean, what kind of name is Bruce? You're the only one here with a normal name, Pepper"
Potts almost said that Pepper is just a nickname and her real name is Virginia, but she didn't want to destroy the only connection whoever was inside Tony had with his home. "Is that why you decided to stay here with me, rather than in the living room with the rest of the guys?"
"Well, not really" Dash said with a chuckle "I just felt more comfortable staying around another girl, no offense to your friend Natasha"
Pepper almost dropped the cup again "You're a girl?!"
"Uh… Yeah" Tony Dash answers "You didn't know?"
Tony is inside a girl's body! Oh, shit! I hope he didn't…
Snap out of it, Pepper. He's not in a girl's body. He is in a horse girl's body. Tony wouldn't…
Oh, yes, he would!
NO, HE WOULDN'T! Dear God, Pepper! Stop thinking about this! Even if it was a human girl, Tony is not like that anymore. He wouldn't…
BULLSHIT! The flesh is weak!
Goddamn it, Pepper! Don't you have any faith in him?
Of course I have faith in him, but…
"Pepper? Are you okay?" Dash asks her, worried.
"Uh, what?" Pepper says "Oh, yeah, I'm okay. I just got lost in thoughts for a second… Just out of curiosity, how old are you?"
Before Dash could answer, Jarvis interrupted "Ms. Potts, there is a crowd of reporters on the lobby demanding an interview with Mr. Stark and the Avengers. I'm afraid I can't stall them much longer"
"Oh, right" Pepper said "I'll be down there in a minute, Jarvis"
"Okay, for real" Dash says, slightly shaking "Of all the strange things here, this voice just freaks me out! Who is he? Why is he hiding in the ceiling?"
"I'm Just A Rather Very Intelligent System, Ms. Dash" Jarvis answered "You can call me Jarvis. Mr. Stark created me"
"Created you?"
"Jarvis is a computer" Pepper says "He runs the house"
Dash just looks confused at Pepper for a few seconds before laughing out loud "Ha ha ha! You almost got me there for a second"
"What's so funny?" Pepper asks, smiling herself
"C'mon! Computers are just machines with blinking lights that make 'beep boop' sounds" Dash says "They can't speak or think"
"It depends of your definition of 'think', but Mr. Stark did a great job programming my personality, if I say so myself" Jarvis says
"I'm sorry, Dash, but it's true: Jarvis is a computer" Pepper says "A very advanced one. There's nothing quite like him in the world and, it seems, there isn't anything like him in your world too"
"You're serious? He's a…? Wait… Oh, wow! My mind is blown!" Dash says "This is amazing! Your friend Tony created him? He's a genius! I bet he and Twilight are hitting it off"
While it's true that Stark had hit it off with a genius in purple, his name wasn't Twilight, his name was Bruce Banner, and, right now, he was brainstorming with the other Avengers for a way to bring his friend back.
"You can't have the Tesseract" Thor tells Bruce "I came here to stop its misusing by mortals. If you tinker with it, it will only cause more trouble"
"Thor, please, be reasonable" Bruce pleads "We can't let stay Tony trapped in an alien dimension. The cube is our only lead"
"You want to open another portal with it!" Thor insists "After all the trouble we've had to close it. I'm profoundly sorry Banner, but I won't allow it!"
"Thor" Steve said "We're not gonna let the Chitauri invade again. We're just gonna try to find Stark. If anything goes wrong, we have the means to close it now, remember?"
"Even if I agreed to it" Thor says, a little more open to the idea "How are you gonna reach him? Banner knows nothing of the workings of the Tesseract"
"True" Banner says "But I know someone who may have an idea"
"Intelligent sharks… Pirates…" Erik Selvig mumbled, soundly asleep on his designated room on the Stark Tower "Mathematician janitor… Dragon tattoos…"
"Dr. Selvig?" a voice came from outside the room, knocking on the door "Are you awake?"
"Glasshouse… Uh, what?" Selvig mumbles, waking up "Yes, yes, I'm awake. What time is it?"
"Dr. Selvig, I'm sorry to wake you like that, but we need your help" Bruce Banner says, entering the room "A lot happened this morning that we need to bring you up to speed, and it's gonna be hard to believe"
"Dr. Banner, please" Selvig said with a smile "After all we went through, is there really anything that could surprise me?"
"You have no idea" Bruce simply says
Still cleaning a few crumbs from her lips and beard (it was so weird to have a beard), Tony Dash entered the living room to meet the other 'people', as they called themselves.
"Hi, guys" they all looked at her, except for Steve who just turned his eyes away, uneasy. Thor had a look of confusion on his face; Natasha, of suspicion, and Clint was smirking. Dash was really feeling like an outsider (what she was) "so, uh… where's Bruce?"
"He went to talk with a friend who may help you" Natasha said "Where's Pepper?"
"She went to talk with some reporters who wanted to interview you" Dash answered "What's the deal with that, by the way? You guys are famous?"
"Yeah, kind of" Clint answered "We just saved the world yesterday, no biggie"
"No way!" Dash said "I did the same thing!"
Everyone in the room suddenly turn their heads to Dash, a quizzical look on their faces.
"You did?" Clint asks, surprised
"Yeah, and it wasn't even the first time" Dash says with a cocky smile, but then she scratches the back of her neck with a thoughtful look "But… we didn't have reporters wanting to interview us… in neither of the occasions. I mean, they did throw a party for us… Well, actually the first party wasn't for us, it was for Luna. And I don't know how the second party went since I got stuck here. Now that I think about it, nopony seems to care or even talk about how we saved the world afterwards…"
"Well, welcome to the world of ungrateful citizens" Clint laughed "There are a lot of people out there that think we are a menace and are trying to pin the blame of what happened in us"
"There are?" Thor asked, completely oblivious
"Really? Oh, my" Dash said "I don't think anypony would ever try to blame us for what Discord did"
"Lucky you" Natasha says
"We don't do this to receive thanks" Steve said with a serious tone in his voice "We do it because it's the right thing to do. And we'll keep doing it, even if the entire world turn their back to us, we'll never turn our backs to them"
"Oh, wow" Dash says, a little embarrassed
"Spoke with true nobility, my friend" Thor complimented Steve
"I hate to admit it, but the captain is right" Clint sighs "I joined SHIELD to make a difference. If I wanted recognition I would stay in the circus rather than become an undercover agent"
The doors of the room open, and Bruce Banner steps in followed by Erik Selvig.
"Oh, Rainbow Dash" Bruce says "You're here. That's good"
"That's him?" Selvig points at Dash, unsure
"I'm a her, actually"
Again, all the people in the room look at her.
"Seriously, nopony knows that?" Dash asks, annoyed
"You're a girl? Ha Ha Ha!" Clint laughs
"What's so funny about being a girl, huh?" Dash asks Clint, angry
"Nothing, nothing" Clint says, drying his tears "Tony Stark being a girl is hilarious, though"
Dash looked around and saw both Natasha and Steve trying to hide a smile. Thor looked as confused as ever. Selvig gave Bruce a worried look "You're sure he's not suffering from PTSD?"
"We're sure" Banner said "It's fantastic, but it's true"
"You know" Selvig says "If you had told me this a year ago, I would have send you to an asylum, but today… today, I'm not even sure what should be considered 'fantastic' anymore"
"It's a brave new world, Doctor" Natasha says
"Tell me about it" Selvig sighs
"Doctor? So, you're the one who can help me. You're gonna cure me?" Dash asks
"I'm… not really that kind of doctor…" Selvig answers "But, yes, I believe we may find a way to turn you back. Now, where's the Tesseract?" he asks Thor
"It's secure in my chambers" Thor answers "Are you sure you can handle it, Selvig?"
"Thor, it has been a long time since I was ever sure of anything"
"Hey, I just got an idea" Dash says suddenly "Why don't we just use the Elements of Harmony and everything goes back to normal?"
"The what?" Bruce asks
"The Elements of Harmony!" Dash says "You know, the ones that solve everything"
"I'm afraid we don't have these here, Rainbow" Bruce says
"Yes, you do" Tony Dash insisted, lifting her shirt "Your friend Tony has one, see?"
"Uh… Look, Rainbow Dash, I don't know what you think 'Elements of Harmony' are" Bruce says "but that's just Tony's arc reactor"
"Arc reactor?"
"Wait!" Steve says "Yesterday, Tony's reactor shot a beam to the skies! You remember that, don't you Thor?"
"Yes. Yes, I do"
"Do you think that may have something to do with it?" Steve asks Bruce and Selvig
"Couldn't it be just a malfunction on the suit?"
"No, no, no, no. Wait" Dash says "I remember! Yesterday, my Element, like, just blew up with light!"
"Well…" Steve says turning to Bruce "What about that?"
"Well, it seem we have a mirror event" Bruce says "Still doesn't explain what happened though"
"Howard Stark's notes about the Tesseract shows that he was trying to reverse-engineer the cube" Natasha says "He came up with the theory, but couldn't put it in practice. Tony could, though. He created a new element based on the Tesseract to replace the Palladium on his arc reactor. So, we have a connection between the cube and Tony's chest piece"
"And Tony passing through the portal may have activated something on the element on his reactor" Bruce completes the train of thought "Yeah, that makes sense. What do you think, Dr. Selvig?"
"Hey, you said you didn't have elements here!" Dash says, suspicious
"I think it's time we inaugurate the Stark Tower R&D department" Selvig says "Thor, bring the Tesseract. We meet downstairs"
"Jarvis, tell Pepper where we are and to meet us when she comes back" Bruce says
"As you wish, Dr. Banner"
An hour later, Pepper Potts arrives at the lab on the, still unfinished, R&D department. Everyone was there, including Tony Dash who was sitting on a table, shirtless.
"Is everything okay? Jarvis said…"
"Don't worry, Pepper" Bruce said "We were just checking the reactor to see if everything is good to go. We haven't started yet"
"Started what?"
"They're gonna connect me to that thing" Dash says pointing to the Tesseract
"What?" Pepper says "Is that safe?"
"Define safe" Selvig says "We're kind out of our comfort zone here"
"But… why?"
"We have reasons to believe that the Tesseract and Tony's arc reactor made some kind of connection yesterday which caused the brain swap" Bruce explains "We believe that recreating the connection will send Rainbow Dash back and bring Tony back. That is, if Stark really is on Rainbow Dash's body…"
"What do you mean?" Pepper asks
"Well, we can't discard the possibility that there is a third party involved, or even more than that. While Rainbow Dash got in Tony's body, Tony may not be in Equestria but in a third unknown dimension, and whoever he replaced could be in a fourth dimension and so forth. It's a coin toss. We can't be sure that this will revert anything. It may bring someone else here, while sending Rainbow Dash to yet another strange body. The possibilities are…" Banner stops when he notices the looks of dread on both Pepper and Dash's faces "I mean, the probabilities of that happening are flimsy… You know what, forget it. It's not gonna happen. I shouldn't have mentioned it, I was stupid, sorry. Everything is gonna be fine, you will see. Now, Rainbow, sit on this chair"
Tony Dash sits on the chair, while Drs. Selvig and Banner connect cables to her reactor and to the machine holding the cube. Pepper holds her hand "Be strong, Dash"
"Remember" Selvig tells Natasha while turning on the machine "If anything goes wrong, activate the 'fail safe'" Natasha, who's holding Loki's scepter, gives a nod.
"This could hurt" Banner warns "Ready?"
Afraid, Tony Dash tightens her grip on Pepper's hand. Pepper puts her other hand on top of Tony Dash's, caressing it. Dash looks at Pepper and gives a small smile of gratitude. Pepper feels an impulse to lean forward and kiss Tony, but she remembers it isn't him and she doesn't want Rainbow Dash to feel weird. Oh, Tony. She can only imagine how he feels, wherever he is. He must be just as frightened and confused as Dash is right now…
"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together" Rainbow Stark sang, while adjusting his science equipment "God, why I can't take this stupid song off of my head?"
"I don't think it's stupid" Twilight says, climbing down the stairs to the basement "I really like it"
"Oh, hi, Lisa Simpson" Stark greets her "What brings you down here?"
"Just checking on you" Twilight answered "Is everything okay here?"
"Yeah, this isn't the Stark Industries R&D department, but it'll do" Stark says "By the way, your computers are really obsolete, but then again, I'm surprised you even have computers here"
"And what do you know about computers?" Twilight asks him with a raised eyebrow
"Uh, let me see, everything" Stark says nonchalantly "I build them for a living. Well, not really. It's more like a hobby. I don't need to do anything for a living, being a billionaire and all that"
Twilight rolls her eyes. She knows she shouldn't judge a book by its cover, her friendship with Zecora taught her that, but this Stark guy sounds more and more like he's full of hot air. I'm a genius. I'm rich. I've created an element all by myself. I have a company named after me. All talk that he, so conveniently, can't prove. She doubts he's really all that. As far as she's concerned, he's another Trixie just buying time, hoping nopony will catch his act. Still, there's a slight chance that he maybe, possibly, perhaps, almost knows what he's doing, and even if he doesn't, he's the only lead she has right now. "So, what are you doing?"
"Just testing my stuff" Stark says, looking through a microscope "I need to be sure everything is perfect, so I can analyze your elements of stupidity and see if I can find what caused the mind swap and how to revert it. Easy-Peasy"
"And what are those?" Twilight points to some papers full of writings and drawings.
"That's what I need your friends for" Stark answers, grabbing the notes before Twilight has a chance to look closer "Don't look. It's personal"
"Personal? How can it be personal?" Twilight asks, suspicious "Are you trying to hide something from me? Because, if there's something you know about Rainbow Dash's fate that you're not telling me…"
"This is not about your friend. It's… it's a side project"
"A SIDE PROJECT?!" Twilight yells "You're should be focused on bringing Rainbow Dash back, not in wasting our time running errands for your side project!"
"Hey, calm down" Stark says "It's just something to protect me, us in case anything goes wrong. Think of it as a contingency plan"
"And what is this 'contingency plan'?"
"Well… it's uh… it's a suit"
"A suit?" Twilight asks, puzzled "How's a suit gonna help us?"
"Well, you see…" Stark starts but a loud screech makes him stop and cower behind the table "The Chitauri! They're back!"
"Owlowicious!" Twilight yells "You shouldn't be here! Go back upstairs!"
Stark raises his head to see a brown owl, flying back towards the stairs "What did you call that beast?" Stark has never been really fond of animals
"Owlowicious. He's my pet"
"You have a pet owl. Why I'm not surprised?" Stark says "Let me guess, the other one of you who can do magic has a cat"
"Yes, that's right!" Twilight answered, impressed "Rarity does have a cat. How did you know?"
"I've watched the Harry Potter movies" Stark answered "She didn't strike me as someone who would own a rat or a toad, so..."
"Who's 'Hairy Potter'?" Twilight asks
"Harry Potter? Oh, he's just the greatest authority in magic in my universe. Millions read his books to gather more knowledge about the subject" Stark says "He's so special, his Cutie Mark is on his forehead"
"You're being sarcastic, aren't you?" Twilight asks, annoyed
"Who, me? Never"
"THERE! Sarcasm again!"
"Can we come down now?" Applejack's voice come from upstairs
"What?" Stark says, looking at the clock on the wall "They're here already? I said two hours, not 25 minutes!"
"Well, I called them as soon as you came down here" Twilight says "But if you need more time, I'll tell them to come later"
"Nah, send them in. The earlier the better"
"Okay, girls, you may come down" Twilight shouts "You too, Spike"
Soon, the four ponies and the dragon were down in the basement with Twilight and Rainbow Stark, and so was a bunny that the yellow one brought with her for some reason.
"Citizens of Candyland" Stark says mimicking a mayoral announcement "We are here today to help the honorable Mr. Stark in his quest to return home and bring our beloved Sonic the Hedgepony back to us. For that, the fantastic Mr. Stark will need you to do some shit for him, so—"
"Wait" Applejack interrupts "Ya want us to do stuff for you?"
"Yep"
"Like what?"
"Oh, you know, stuff" Stark says "I was about to get there, but them you had to interrupt my announcement…"
"Why would we help ya?" Applejack asks
"Applejack!" Twilight says, shocked by her friend's behavior. Applejack never refused help to nopony. There's something about Stark that really ticked her off.
"No, Twilight, I mean it" Applejack says "This Stark fella just comes out of nowhere, steals Rainbow Dash from us, insults everypony, all while talking about how fantastic he is. Why should we trust him? Why should we do what he says?"
"Because I'm the only hope you have to ever see your girlfriend back, Dixie Pony" Stark says "Now, could you shut up and let me finish?"
"Well, you'll hardly get any help with that attitude" Rarity says
"Look, I know you all don't like me, and I don't give a damn. Just keep in mind that the faster you do what I say, the faster you will get rid of me, and the faster you'll have your friend Lightning McQueen back. First, Daisy Duke" Stark says to Applejack "Here's a list of tools you can find in any farm, so you probably won't have any problem getting them on yours. You can read, right?"
Applejack just takes the list off of Stark's hooves, an angry look on her face.
"Okay, then. Now, Doctor Dolittle" he says, turning to Fluttershy "I need some raw materials, like iron, gold, or any other malleable metal. It's possible that there is a mine of it near your home. Use your vermin army to help you find it"
"D-do I actually have to enter the mine?" Fluttershy asked, slightly afraid
Stark turns to Rarity. "Okay, I want two things from you, Coco Chanel. First, Sugar Rush here told me you have some kind of gem detector on your horn. If you can adjust it to find metal, you could help Shrinking Violet on her quest. Second, here's an armor design I made. But, it was designed for my old body. Since you have so much experience tailoring for ponies, do you think you could, well, adapt this design for my new body?"
"Of course" Rarity says, grabbing the design that Rainbow Stark made "But… what do you need a suit of armor for?"
What do I need a suit of armor for? Stark froze. What does he need his suit of armor for? Because, taking that away, what is he? What can he do? Stark wouldn't admit it, but he's scared. He's been scared ever since those things arrived on New York. He barely slept yesterday to wake up on this fucked up world. Truth is, Stark has suspicions that he just had a meltdown and he's now in a mental hospital and all this is part of what's left of his mind. He's doing his best to not simply break down and cry, and that's why he needs the suit. Without it he's defenseless, without it he's nothing. And no matter how harmless and innocent this place may seem to be, he won't be caught unarmed. Pepper needs him. Pepper?! What if something happened to her? While he's stuck here in teletubby land? He can't protect her! IneedtodosomethingIneedtogetoutofhereohdearGod IneedmyarmorIneedJarvisIneedPepperIneedhelpIneed…
"Are you okay?" Twilight asks
"Uh… W-what?" Stark stutters
"You're sweating…"
"I'm fine, I'm fine" Stark says "What was your question again?"
"Why do you need the armor for?"
"Reasons" Stark answers, feigning indifference "Where was I? Oh, right. Last, but not least: Since they live here and have so much knowledge about magic elements and stuff, Hermione and Spyro here will be my assistants, providing me with books, materials, and, of course, the elements. Okay, everyone got it? Then, shoo!"
Rarity and Applejack leave the basement, while Fluttershy goes to talk with Spike and Pinkie Pie waves her hoof around trying to call Stark's attention.
Applejack tries to read her list, but her mind just keeps focused on Stark and how vexing he is. Applejack can't wait until they get rid of him, and get Rainbow Dash back.
Rarity looks at the complex design in her hooves. She has never seen anything like it. Such a maze of joints and circuits and, besides, she's a tailor not a blacksmith. She never made any type of armor. She sews not forges. Still, Rarity wasn't the type of pony who shies away from a challenge. Once she's done, Tony Stark's armor will be absolutely fabulous!
Pinkie keeps hopping and waving her hoof frantically, but nopony seems to be paying attention to her.
"Spike, do you think you could take care of Angel bunny while I search for the mine?" Fluttershy asks Spike "It would be too dangerous for her and I don't want to leave her alone"
"Why did you even bring her here?!" Spike asks "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, but I really, really would rather not"
"Oh… It's okay… If you don't want to…" Fluttershy mumbles
"Yeah, besides Barney the Midget Dinosaur is my assistant, so he wouldn't have time for your bunny" Stark chimes in
Spike takes a look at Rainbow Stark, considering what assisting him would be like compared to taking care of Angel "Wait, Fluttershy, I've changed my mind"
"Oh, that's great!" Fluttershy beamed "Here, Angel, you're gonna be with Spike for a while. Be nice to him" The little bunny gave in a mischievous grin.
"Hey! We have work to do!" Rainbow Stark protested, while Fluttershy left the room and Pinkie Pie kept trying to call his attention.
"Sorry, Pony Spark" Spike said, going up the stairs with Angel bunny dancing on his forehead "I'm kinda busy right now… Ouch. Angel, quit it!"
"Don't worry, Stark" Twilight said "I will still be your assistant, and I promise you I will do everything you require to bring Rainbow Dash back"
"Whoopie do" Stark said "What's his deal with that bunny anyway? He seems kinda begrudging to take care of it"
"Spike and Angel don't always get along" Twilight explained
"Yeah, I know that" Rainbow Stark said "But what does 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer' have to do with this?"
"HEY!" Pinkie finally yells, tired of waving her hoof around
"Yes? What do you want?" Stark asks
"What about me?" Pinkie asks "You gave tasks to everypony but me! What do I do?"
"I don't know" Stark answers Pinkie "Don't you have some musical number to rehearse with Sportacus and the rest of LazyTown?"
Pinkie pauses for a moment, scratching her chin, thoughtful "Not that I remember… I can throw a dance party if that's what you mean"
"Yeah, sure, whatever. As long as you stay out of my way"
"Oki Doki Loki" Pinkie says with a smile
"Yea—WHAT DID YOU SAID?!" Rainbow Stark yells
Both Pinkie Pie and Twilight stare at Stark, shocked.
"What? I—"
"What do you know about Loki?" Stark asks Pinkie, moving towards her, anger and suspicion in his eyes.
"Y-you're scaring me"
"How do you know about Loki? Why did you—This is what's happening here! It's Loki! ENOUGH OF YOUR GAMES! Take me out of here!" Stark screams while shaking Pinkie "Are you hearing me, Loki? You take me out of here or else…"
SLAP!
Rainbow Stark falls back after being hit by a magic slap from Twilight.
"Are you okay, Pinkie?" Twilight asks, worried
"Yeah, I'm fine"
"WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME WAS THAT?" Twilight yells at Stark
"Sorry, sorry" Stark apologizes, trying to regain focus "I just, kinda… lost it for a second… It's just that Loki…"
"She always says that! It rhymes with 'Oki' and 'Doki'" Twilight says "It doesn't mean anything!"
"IT MEANS SOMETHING!" Stark yells, but calms down almost instantly "…for me. Something bad…"
"I'm sorry" Pinkie apologizes "I didn't mean to upset you"
"It's okay" Stark says "Loki's illusions aren't this powerful. I just… I'm just really stressed. I don't know what's going on or what the fuck am I doing…"
"What's that?" Pinkie asks
"What's what?"
"That word you keep saying" Pinkie says "fuck. What does it mean?"
"You don't know what fuck means?" Stark asks her. Pinkie shakes her head "Well, fuck is… how I'm gonna say it… fuck is an emphasis word. It gives emphasis to words. You know what emphasis means, right? Anyway, you say it whenever you feel like it"
"I feel like saying it all the time!" Pinkie shouts "It's such a funny word. Fuck, heh heh"
Rainbow Stark chuckles "Well, what are you still doing here? Don't you have a party to arrange?"
"You're serious?" Pinkie asks. Stark nods "YAY! You're gonna love it! It's gonna be the best fucking party ever!" Pinkie Pie says and hops out of the basement.
Stark smiles. He hates to admit it, but he's growing quite fond of that pink one. He turns to see Twilight smiling at him, a knowing look on her eyes. "What?" he asks
"You're not that bad" Twilight simply says
"Whatever" Stark rebuffs, going back to his 'heartless, indifferent tough guy' façade "You know what's missing here on this table? The world famous Elements of Harmony. Now, go fetch"
Pinkie Pie pranced through the streets, thinking about all the balloons, confetti and cake she would need to make the best party ever! While doing this, she ended up meeting with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Applebloom (Applejack's little sister), Sweetie Belle (Rarity's little sister), and Scootaloo (Nopony's little sister) were the Crusaders, three young fillies who were inseparable friends (and, also, one of each pony class). They first met during Nightmare Moon's attack on Ponyville when they all hid under the same table. But they don't remember that. So, the "official" first time they met was during Diamond Tiara's party, where they rebutted the claims of inferiority for being the only ponies on their class without a Cutie Mark by saying that that meant they were filled with potential and, therefore, SO MUCH MORE special than everypony else who already have their whole lives and skills decided by some stupid mark on their butt. Later, they realized that that was just some bullshit they came up with to feel better about themselves, and decided to dedicate their entire characterizations to pursue a Cutie Mark.
"Hey girls, what the fuck are you doing?" Pinkie asked them, smiling
"Not much. Just going to school" Applebloom answered
"What is 'fuck'?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Oh, it's a new word I learned"
"What does it mean?" asked Scootaloo
"I don't know, but is a cool word, isn't it?" Pinkie said, and then pranced away, singing "fuck, fuck, what the fuck. Fuck, fuck, what the fuck…"
The three fillies watched in silence the pink pony bouncing away, before Scootaloo finally spoke "Fuck, huh? What do you think it means?"
"Maybe it's another word for 'buck'?" Sweetie Belle guessed
"You mean, like this?" Scootaloo asked, kicking the air with her back hooves "Yeah… I like to 'fuck'!"
Applebloom repeated the gesture "I like to fuck too!"
"Why, everypony loves to fuck!" Sweetie Belle joined them, kicking the air as well.
"The fucking season is when Applejack fucks all the apple trees on Sweet Apple Acres" Applebloom proceeded to experiment her new word "She fucks them all day long, so she can collect their apples"
"Rainbow Dash could fuck anypony she wanted!" Scootaloo proclaimed
"Diamond Tiara is so annoying" Sweetie Belle said "That, sometimes, I just want to fuck her!"
"You said it!" Scootaloo replied and the three friends fell out laughing.
"Pinkie Pie was right!" Applebloom said "This new word is awesome!"
"It's fucking awesome!" said Scootaloo
"Fuck yeah!" Sweetie Belle concluded
Still giggling, the three fillies ran to school, looking forward to teach their new word to all their classmates.
"What is this crap?" Rainbow Stark asks Twilight, after she drops five necklaces and a tiara on Stark's table.
"What do you mean what is this? It's the Elements of Harmony!" Twilight says
"These aren't elements!" Stark protests "These are jewelry!"
"These are the Elements of Harmony" Twilight insisted "Six magic gems that represent all the good aspects of friendship"
Stark just frowns at Twilight "God, I hate this place. I guess I'm not gonna need this then" he says, throwing the microscope off the table
"Is there a problem?"
"Of course there's a problem! I'm a scientist! I deal with facts! Not with magic gems that represent all the good aspects of friendship" he mocked "Like any of that abstract bullshit meant anything…"
"Excuse me!" Twilight said, slightly offended "Just you know that these Elements are the base of everything harmonious and good in the world"
"Oh, please. None of this so called 'Elements of Harmony' are a guarantee of anything good" Stark said "There's a reason why Evil Laughter is a thing. Magic is just a tool, like science or a knife, all of them can be used for good, and all of them can definitely be used for evil. Honesty can be brutal. Loyalty can be blind. Kindness can be stupid. And generosity… Okay, I'll give you generosity"
"That's a very cynical way of looking at things" Twilight says
"Well, excuse me, princess" Stark says "I'm afraid my world is not as colorful as yours"
Twilight sighs "Look, Stark, we both know magic isn't your field of expertise. That's why I'm here. You work on the science stuff; I give you my insight in magic. We're gonna do this" Twilight puts her hoof on his shoulder and gives a confident smile "Together"
Stark looks at her for a few seconds and then also gives a small smile "Okay, let's go to work"
And so they did. As she assisted him, Twilight was having conflicting feelings about this Tony Stark. On one hoof, he seemed to be as smart as he boasted, and it was kind of cool seeing Rainbow Dash working so hard and competently in an intellectual task. On the other hoof, he could be really rude and arrogant, and, as petty as it sounds, Twilight felt kinda bad for no longer being the smartest pony in the room.
Several hours have passed, and Applejack returned to the library's basement carrying a heavy sack on her back.
"I brought ya stupid tools" she says
"Took you long enough" Stark says without taking the eye off of his work "Leave it in a corner. If this works I won't need them, anyway"
Applejack gives him a look of contempt and drops the sack on the floor.
"…or just drop it there. That works too"
Applejack approaches the worktable. In it the six gems containing the Elements were removed from the necklaces and tiara, and positioned in line by hooks under the aim of a little lipstick-shaped device.
"What in darnation is that?"
"This, my dear Flapjack, is the key for the doorway to out of here" Stark explains "If my math is correct, and it always is, when I activate this laser, it will pass through all the gems, triggering and focusing their magic properties on the last element, the one that caused all of this, the Element of Red Lightning"
"The Element of Loyalty" Twilight corrects, annoyed
"Yeah, and then, the centralized energy will open a rift in which I will be able to cross through, and if everything goes as I predict, I'll be back home and you will have your gay parade mascot back. Shall we start?"
"Stark, you can't assume that this will work. The Elements can't be 'forced' to 'turn on'" Twilight says
"Yes, I can assume that" Rainbow Stark insisted "You said yourself that the red burst happened after all your elements' beams got connected. I'm simply recreating the event"
"But the Elements have to be used by us to work" insisted Twilight "They won't react if they're not worn by true friends who embody its characteristics"
"But it wasn't always like that" Stark remarked "You told me yourself: They were first used by your two princess who a) were two ponies, not six; b) probably weren't the embodiment of all the elements of harmony; and c) considering that one of them sent the other to the moon for a thousand years, I would hardly call that relationship friendly and harmonious. If it worked then, it will work now. Now, let's start this" Stark presses a button on the side of the 'lipstick' device which activates a laser beam.
The laser passes through the Element of Magic to the Element of Laughter, and then to the Element of Honesty, and then to the Element of Kindness, and then to the Element of Generosity, and finally, it hits the Element of Loyalty. The gem starts to heat with the concentrated ray of the laser. It pulsates. Applejack steps back, afraid. Twilight eyes widen with disbelief, while Stark smiles with satisfaction and anticipation. The Elements keeps glowing and pulsating, glowing and pulsating, until…
Nothing.
The gem stops glowing, while the machine cools down with a pathetic wheezing sound.
"Nothing?" Stark asks, incredulous "Nothing? Not a spark, not a rift, not even a spectacular kaboom failure? Nothing? NOTHING?!" Stark screams, enraged and frustrated. This was supposed to work. This was supposed to get him out of here. Fuck these magic elements. He's so angry and desperate he can't even think straight right now.
"I told you, Stark" Twilight says "It's useless. There's nothing in the books that…"
"You know" Stark cuts her off, irritated "that before there were books, there weren't books, right?"
"Yeah, well, duh" Twilight answers
"So, how do you think the books were written? By magic? Don't answer" Stark says "People, sorry, ponies needed to write those books, and they didn't have books to know how to do it! They experimented, they discovered new things and they wrote it down. That's how progress is made, that's how science is made, and that's how intelligent people find the solutions to their problems: by thinking, not by reading. But, I don't expect you to understand that"
"Wait a minute!" Applejack chimes in "Are ya trying to say you're more smart than Twilight?"
"Smarter" Rainbow Stark corrected "Yes, I am. But, that's not the point. I think even Hoppity Hoppity out there is more intelligent than her"
"Well, just ya know that Twilight is the smartest, most studious pony I ever knew" Applejack says "She always has the answer. There's almost nothing that she doesn't know" Twilight gives her a look of gratitude.
"Being knowledgeable and studious does not equal being intelligent" Stark says "A guy can read and memorize the entire Guinness' Book of Records, and that would make him knowledgeable and studious, but not intelligent. He may still not know how to do basic math. Someone who's intelligent can solve their problems by basic deduction and logical reasoning. Someone who's intelligent can apply the knowledge they acquired in previous experiences to solve a completely new problem. Someone who's intelligent can adapt to new challenges without help. Someone who's intelligent can think on their own. Someone who's intelligent doesn't need to read a book to know that a tree that just crashed through her roof and into her slumber party shouldn't be there!"
Twilight gasps with shock "H-how did you…?"
"How did I knew? I don't know. Maybe was those three hours I spent with Yappity Yap when she basically told me the entire history of this place"
"Pinkie?!" Twilight asks "But she wasn't even…"
"She wasn't even there? Oh, my! I wonder how she knew! I mean, it's not like best friends tell each other about what they did that weekend with their other friends, no sir, they never do it" Stark replied, sarcastically "See? That's a deduction that anyone with even an average intelligence could make, but I guess you need a step-by-step instruction book to follow through, don't you?"
"I-I… You…" Twilight stutters before running away, crying
"Look what ya did!" Applejack says angrily
"What? Destroy her little fantasy of intellectual superiority?" Stark replied, indifferent "The world is full of nerds who think they're so smart because they score straight A's in their tests and that they will become the next Steve Jobs, the boss of all the jocks that bullied them, but most of them end up as underpaid accountants in a dead-end job, because they only know what the school taught them, the old knowledge of others, no knowledge of their own, because they can't come up with new ideas thanks to their mediocre and creatively infertile minds. She should thank me for opening her eyes before it was—"
POW!
Rainbow Stark hits the wall, knocked by the strength of the kick Applejack delivered right into his face.
"So, you have the concept of violence here? That's good. This place was getting too sugary for my taste" Stark says, caressing the small, bleeding wound that opened under his right eye "You know, this will leave a scar. On the face of your friend. My face is still on my dimension, unharmed and handsome as ever"
"You're despicable" Applejack says
"You know what despicable means? I'm honestly surprised"
"Jerk" Applejack says as she leaves the basement
"Whatever!" Stark shouts to nobody "I don't need any of you"
You don't need them? Really? 'Cause it seemed to me you were kinda stuck with the magic thing until Twilight helped you.
She didn't help me! All she did was throw up all the information she had read. No ideas. No suggestions. Nothing. I could have got all that just by reading her stupid books. She was as helpful as a fucking Wikipedia article!
Why do you do this, Stark? Why do you have to antagonize every single person you meet?
She's not a person, she's a pony.
You always change the subject instead of assuming your own faults, don't you?
Whatever.
Great comeback.
Why the hell am I arguing with you? You're me!
Stark shakes his head. This place is driving him crazy, if he's not crazy already. Why did it have to be magic? He hates magic! It's cheating! It's infuriating! How is he supposed to find the answer, when nothing makes sense, when nothing follows the rules? Fucking magic!
Magic?
Magic! That's it! He was doing it all wrong! Even though he hates to say it, science is not the answer here. It's magic. The elements didn't respond to the laser beam, but they will definitely respond to a magic beam! So, all he needs is a source…
Too bad you made your magic generator run away crying…
Aw, crap.
Twilight sobs. With her pride wounded, she just stares at the sunset in the distance. How could things have turned this way? She was so happy this morning. They were going to Canterlot, and there would be a party, and her friends… her friends… she almost lost them yesterday, it was tough, it was painful, they finally got together, everything was fine, everything was good. They were eating, they were laughing. Then, Rainbow Dash gave her goodbyes… and never came back. Instead there's this… this… 'man', whatever that is, treating everypony badly, saying all those awful things, and Twilight needs to constantly reminds herself that it's not her, but… seeing 'her' doing those things… hearing those words come from her mouth… it… it hurts!
That's when she hears Rainbow Dash's voice. She almost smiles, before she remembers that that's no longer her voice…
"Twilight looking at the twilight. You know, that's kind of funny"
Twilight doesn't say anything, nor does she turn. She won't give him the satisfaction of an answer.
"Kinda poetic, too… No?" Rainbow Stark continues "Look, I… I need your help"
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, really" Stark says "I think I know what went wrong and I can fix it, but… I need you"
Twilight doesn't say anything.
"Look… I'm sorry, okay?" Stark apologizes "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but… I know nothing about magic. I'm completely, utterly stumped. In that aspect, you're the genius! I need what's in your head. Come help me, please. I'm really sorry I was a jerk"
"And?" Twilight asks without turning
"And? And nothing" Rainbow Stark answers "I already apologized. What do you want? You want me to say that I am a stupid fart face butthead? I'm not doing it. Now, suck it up and come help me"
Twilight just turns her head to shoot him an angry look, and turns back
"Oh, so you're not gonna help me?" Rainbow Stark asks
"That's a deduction that anypony with even an average intelligence could make" Twilight bitterly replies
"Very mature" Stark says "Well, if you're not gonna help me, I guess I'm stuck here then"
"I guess you are"
"…and I guess so is your friend, wherever she is" Stark says "It's very clear now why you're the Element of Magic"
"What do you mean?" Twilight asks him, turning her head
"Well, you couldn't be any of the other ones now, could you?" Rainbow Stark says "You promised me you would do anything I required to bring her back. You lied. You're dishonest. You turn your back to your friend when she most needs you. You're disloyal. You sentenced her to live in a world she doesn't belong, frightened and lonely, for the rest of her days. You're cruel. And you did all that because of some petty grudge you have with me. You're selfish. And, right now, you're also grumpy. Face it, Sparkle. Magic is the only thing you have going for you"
"How dare you?" Twilight says, eyes red with tears and anger
"Dare what? Tell the truth?" Stark provoked "You're a bad friend who doesn't deserve the ones you have. I can tell, I'm the same"
"I'M NOT THE SAME AS YOU!" Twilight shouts "You're a miserable little… You're rude, you're arrogant, you're mean, and it's obvious that you don't have any friends! Nopony could ever be your friend! Nothing you said is true! I always help my friends! I'm a good friend!"
"Then prove it!" Stark shouts back "Use your Element, your magic, and help me save your friend!"
"I WILL!" Twilight shouts and moves towards the library "But I'm doing it for Rainbow Dash, not for you"
"Like I give a shit" Stark says, following her to the library "You're still gonna do what I tell you to" He smiles.
One day, Tony Stark will feel bad for being such a heartless, manipulative bastard. One day, but not today.
"I may only have Magic going for me, but you got nothing going for you" Twilight says under her breath
As the two frenemies reenter the library, neither paid attention to the fallen stone statue on the yard…
…which was beginning to crack.
Author's Note
MARVEL FUN FACTS:
Doctor Strange
Stephen Strange was the best neurosurgeon of his generation, if not the best who has ever lived. He was respected by his coworkers, but not very liked. He was arrogant and cold, treating his patients like objects that needed to be fixed rather than people. Think Dr. House but without a sense of humor. Truth is that Strange would avoid emotional attachments at all cost ever since his little sister, Donna, died drowned and Stephen was unable to save her, and only got worse after he got into a fight with Victor, his brother, over his supposed insensitivity which caused Victor to leave his house furious and unnatentive into the path of a car which put him into a coma for years. This event filled Stephen with guilt making him even more distant and 'afraid' of personal connections.
Then came the car accident. Strange's hands were crushed and, despite all the efforts, no doctor saw any hope for Strange to keep practicing medicine. Eventually, Strange ended up unemployed, homeless and bankrupt, with no one that would help him because he had no friends, thanks to his fear of emotional attachment and treating everyone like they were below him. This almost drove him to suicide, until he heard rumors about a man known as 'The Ancient One' (real name Yao) who could cure anything using magic. Strange didn't believe in magic, but he was desperate so he took all the money he still had left and went into a journey to find the mysterious man.
When he finally met him, The Ancient One refused to heal his hands, but said that he would accept Stephen as his pupil to study the mystic arts. Strange was reluctant at first, but accepted as he didn't have anything left. After months of training, the Ancient One told Stephen, his 'loyal disciple' like he liked to call him, that he was chosen as his replacement as the new 'Sorcerer Supreme', the protector of Earth against the forces of Dark Magic.
Stephen was relocated to New York to reside in the Sanctum Sanctorum (that's Latin for "Holy of Holies", meaning "The Holiest [place/thing/person]"), which was part museum, part library of everything magic. It is also protected with spells to block unwelcomed guests. There Stephen was under the care of Wong, the last of a lineage of servants of the Sorcerer Supreme. Wong cleans the mansion, prepares the food, welcomes the guests, and do basically, everything that Stephen may require. He's a Housekeeper/Secretary/Butler all in one.
The most important item in the Sanctum Sanctorum's library is the Book of the Vishanti. It holds the most powerful White Magic/Order spells in the world. It can only be used for deffense, and to "fix" the effects of Dark Magic, never for offense. Doctor Strange have used the book many times to stop powerful foes. The book has endless pages (MAGIC!)
Strange would eventually create a team named The Defenders with the original roster of him, Hulk, Namor, and the Silver Surfer. During one of the new rosters, the team became based at Sanctum Sanctorum with Wong complaining that he had become "a second-rate Jarvis to a second-rate Avengers"
A Doctor Strange movie is rumored to be released in 2016 as part of MCU's Phase 3.
Oh, another thing. Do you know who was the very first villain that Doctor Strange faced on his very first appearence in comics?
His name was Nightmare.
Doctor Strange, Wong, The Ancient One, Nightmare, and the Sanctum Sanctorum debuted in Strange Tales #110 in July, 1963.
"I need a horse" - Thor, 2011
CHAPTER SIX
TWILIGHT OF THE GODS
"This could hurt. Ready?"
Tony Dash closes her eyes, apprehensive as Dr. Selvig turns on the machine. At first she feels nothing, only hearing a distant heating sound, but suddenly, it happened, a quick shock followed by a burning sensation on her chest. She screams.
"Turn it off!" Pepper yells
"NO!" Dash yells back "I can take it!"
Suddenly, the cables fall off, and the Tesseract makes a direct connection with Tony Dash's reactor as blue sparks fill the room. In the middle of the purely electrical connection, a small rift opens, and it grows, and grows, and grows…
"It's working!" Banner says, before a wave of energy breaks out, almost hits him, and collides with the ceiling, making a hole in it.
"It's out of control!" Steve shouts
"ENOUGH!" Thor says, stepping into the beam "Turn it off n—" is all he got to say before the beam engulfs him, making his whole body flutter.
"Natasha, now!" Selvig screams as Natasha complies.
The machine ceases all activity, stopping the beams and closing the rift. Thor falls on the floor, unconscious. Tony Dash tries to find the strength to get up from the chair.
"Are you okay, Dash?" Pepper asks "…are you Dash?"
"Yeah, I'm okay and yeah, I'm still me, unfortunately" Dash says, caressing her chest "What about your friend?"
The seven approach Thor, who's still on the floor "Thor, are you okay?"
Thor blinks, coming back to his senses "Uh… what?" he looks at the people staring at him. He screams "AAAHHH!"
"AAAHHH!" Tony Dash screams back, as she and the others take a step back, surprised by Thor's outburst
Thor crawls backwards until he hits the opposite wall "Stay back, you-you… things!" he says, fear and confusion in his eyes "I'm warning you!"
"Is… is he pointing his forehead at us?" Clint asks
Thor touches his forehead "W-what happened to my horn? What happened to my voice? What happened to my hooves? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!" he cries
"Oh, great. We have another one" Pepper says
"This is embarrassing…" Natasha says, as Thor keeps crying
"Twilight?" Tony Dash asks
Thor lifts his head "Yes? Who are you? How do you know my name?"
"Twilight!" Dash beamed "It's me, Rainbow Dash!"
"Rainbow Dash?" Thor asked, and then gave in a huge smile "Rainbow Dash! I missed you so much!"
"Me too!" Dash says and hugs her friend, Twilight Odinson
Clint regrets not bringing a camera. Thor and Tony Stark, sitting on the floor, hugging each other, their cheeks pressed together with the biggest, goofiest smiles on their faces is something that should be kept for posterity.
"Oh, Rainbow Dash, it was awful. We thought we would never see you again" Twilight Odinson told her friend "There's somepony else on your body now, some guy named Stark, and he…"
"Tony! Is he okay?" Pepper says
Twilight looks at Pepper and cowers a little bit. Tony Dash notices "No, Twilight. Don't worry. They're nice" Dash says "I'll introduce you. Guys, this is Twilight Sparkle. She's a unicorn, my friend, and the smartest pony I know. Twilight, these are Pepper, Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Steve, and Dr. Selvig. They are Tony Stark's friends"
"He has friends?! Him?!" Twilight asks Dash
"Yep. She met him alright" Natasha says
Twilight looks at the beings in the room. Tony Stark was right about something: This world is definitely less colorful than Equestria. Everypony here seems to have basically the same skin color. How odd.
"Uh… Sorry, Twilight?" Bruce chimes in "Can you tell us what you remember? How is Stark?"
"Oh, he's just great" Twilight says with derision in her voice "All I remember was powering up his stupid device and I woke up here… like this…" she says, looking at her new body
"Yeah, that's Thor" Dash says "You just swapped places with him"
"So, this 'Thor' is in my body, now?" Twilight asks "Back in Ponyville? Is he as bad as Stark?"
"What do you mean?" Dash asks, confused
"Look, Twilight" Pepper says "I know that Tony can be really hard to deal with, and I apologize for anything he may have done or said, but deep inside he's a nice guy and we are really worried about…"
"Wait, wait, wait" Dash interrupts "Is there something about Tony Stark you are hiding for me? Apologize for him? Twilight, what did he do?"
Twilight Odinson looks at Dash with a sad expression "Nothing. It's better to forget it…"
"Twilight…"
"No, Dash" Twilight says "We shouldn't be focusing on him, right now. I need to bring you back to our world"
"Well, the good news are that the machine works, Stark is indeed in Equestria on Rainbow Dash's body, and he seems to be okay" Bruce says to everyone "The bad news are that the portal is unstable, and it only made the things messier, so…"
"I don't understand" said Erik Selvig "It shouldn't be unstable. The iridium was supposed to take care of that"
"Well, we could ask Jarvis to run some tests and see what went…"
"Nopony is gonna do anything until I know what Tony Stark did to my friends!" Dash says, angrily
"Dash, no!" Twilight says "They're trying to help us!"
"But…"
"Dash, please" Twilight says "They almost did it. Let them do what they have to do"
"Well, we can't do anything here" Pepper says "Jarvis' holo-deck wasn't installed here yet. If we want a full diagnosis of what went wrong with the machine we need to go back upstairs"
"Holo-deck?" Twilight asks while they go upstairs "Hey! What are those?"
"Oh, those are 'fingers'" Dash answers "We have twenty-one of them! Ten on the 'hands' (that's our hooves), ten on the 'feet' (that's our back hooves), and one in the middle of our legs. Don't look, though. The 'people' (that's how they called their kind) here are very uncomfortable about being naked for some reason" she finishes as they arrive on the penthouse.
"Amazing!" Twilight gasps at the skyscrapers outside of the penthouse's window "This… this city looks bigger than Canterlot!"
"It's a weird place, isn't it?" Dash says
"How's it going, Jarvis?" Banner asks
"I've completed the scan, Dr. Banner" Jarvis said "I will show a complete holographic breakdown of the process"
"Who's that?" Twilight asks, confused
Dash chuckles "That's Jarvis, he's a…" before she could finish, Jarvis' holograms invade the room, showcasing an interactive, graphic representation of the machinery, the Tesseract and the reactor "WHOA! That's new!"
Twilight steps forward, fascination on her eyes "Who did this?"
"That would be me, Ms. Sparkle"
"You… I don't know who or what you are, but… this is the most impressive display of magic I've ever seen!" Twilight says "Mr. Jarvis, sir, if you won't mind, I would love to study your spells"
"I'm sorry, Ms. Sparkle" Jarvis says "I'm afraid those aren't 'my spells'. Mr. Stark is the one responsible for my abilities"
"He is?" Twilight says, astounded "But… he said he didn't know anything about magic… He was being modest! He must have felt really bad for hurting my intellectual pride earlier, that he didn't want me to feel left out, so he pretended he needed me when actually he could do this all along. How thoughtful! And here I thought he was just a self-centered, arrogant jerk! I made a horrible misjudgment of his character!" Clint snickers.
"This is not magic, Twilight" Pepper says "It's technology"
"Jarvis is a computer" Dash says "I know, I didn't believe it either"
Twilight looks at them and gives a skeptic laugh "C'mon, this isn't technology. It's too fantastic, even for magic standards. Computers can't do that. It's magic!"
"Stark's computers can" Steve says
"A-are you serious?" Twilight says
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic-Arthur C. Clarke" Selvig says with a smile
"Well, then, I guess he really is all that…" Twilight says with a sad tone on her voice.
"Twilight… Seriously, what did he do?" Dash asks
"Oh, nothing… He just made me feel stupid, that's all…" Twilight says, bitter
"Twilight, look" Steve says "You probably won't believe this, but I'm over 90 years old. I got frozen 70 years ago. I lost my friends and my place in the world. When I first met Stark you know what he told me?" Twilight shakes her head "He said I was old and that I lost a lot being a Popsicle. He insulted me and mocked the most traumatizing event of my life"
"That's awful!" Twilight said
"What a jerk!" Dash says, not believing what she just heard
"Yeah" Steve says "But that's just how Tony is, he says what he wants disregarding other's emotions. But he's not bad, and he does care, even though he pretends he doesn't. When a close friend of his died trying to protect us, Tony called him an idiot"
"What?" Twilight said
"What's wrong with this guy? How can you be his friends?" Dash asks, confused and angry
Steve makes a hand motion for her to calm down "Tony doesn't believe in sacrifices. He thinks they are unnecessary, that no one should have to do it if there's an alternative. I mistook that philosophy for selfishness, just like you, but the opposite is true: Tony saw too many people, good people, die on his place, trying to protect him. And he feels guilty. He can't stand the thought of people trading their lives for his, so when came his time to make a sacrifice, he didn't even blink. He went through a suicide mission to save us all. He should be dead. It's a miracle that he isn't"
Twilight and Dash just stare at Steve, not knowing what to say.
"I have a condition" Banner says "Under certain circumstances it's dangerous to be around me. Very dangerous. That's why I've been alone for the last six years. Because I was afraid I could hurt people and people were afraid I could hurt them. When I was brought here with the Avengers, because they needed my help, there was only one person that didn't treat me like a monster, one person that didn't think I was a liability, a bomb that would explode in any second. That person was Tony Stark. He was the only one in that entire ship that wasn't afraid of what I could do, and that includes me. He treated me as a friend from the very beginning and I'm grateful, very grateful for that"
"Tony can be really rude, I know, but believe me, when the time comes, he will move mountains to help you" Steve says
"He can move mountains?" Dash asks
"It's a figure of speech"
"I think what they are trying to say" Pepper chimes in "is that is not easy to be Tony's friend, but it is worth it"
Twilight looks at the ground, thinking. Could Stark really be just masquerading his good intentions with rudeness? Why? Why would he do that? But… this 'people'… They seem so loyal to him… they miss him. He has to be somewhat good to warrant this devotion. Twilight thinks of how she was before she went to Ponyville, always avoiding other ponies, finding excuses to not talk to them. Was she like him? She doesn't remember ever being as disrespectful as Stark, but she could have been a little rude sometimes, couldn't she? She remembers how she dismissed everypony who was trying to be her friend on her first day. She never said it on her faces, but she did think they were all crazy or stupid… Is this how Stark saw her? And her friends? Crazy and stupid? Is this some kind of curse that befalls the intelligent? That we all act arrogantly until we change our ways? Until we're proven wrong? Twilight thinks that maybe, just maybe, she should give Tony Stark a second chance…
"I don't get it" Erik Selvig said, analyzing the graphics Jarvis showcased "There's nothing wrong. It should have worked"
"Magic"
"Excuse me?"
"Magic" Twilight Odinson says "Stark hit the same brick wall with his device back in Equestria. Science wasn't working. Magic is the answer"
"Well, in that case we're screwed" Clint says "Because I don't know anyone who can do magic around here. Well, besides Loki"
"Loki?!" Twilight asks, as she remembers how Tony Stark freaked out at the mention of his name IT MEANS SOMETHING! For me. Something bad "Who's Loki?"
"Well, technically, he's your brother" Clint says with a smirk
"My brother?" Twilight asks, confused
"Thor's brother" Natasha explains "He's a trickster. He caused a lot of chaos, and he enjoys it"
'Laughter and Magic'? We had a guy who did magic and liked to laugh back in my world, harmony wasn't his thing
It's Loki! ENOUGH OF YOUR GAMES! Take me out of here!
Twilight sweats a little as she remembers Tony's outbursts. She's almost afraid of making the next question "W-was Loki behind this?"
The room fell silent. Everyone simply trade glances. "I can't believe I didn't think of that…" Banner mumbles
"Of course it was Loki!" Natasha says "Messing with people's minds? This fits his twisted idea of a joke. How come we didn't realize that before?"
"We need to interrogate him" Steve says "Barton, contact Fury. We need to come aboard the Helicarrier"
"Where are we going?" Dash asks
"Uh… I think it would be better if you two stay here"
"What? No way?" Dash protests "If this Low-Key can bring us back home, we're coming with you"
"Yeah" Twilight says "Besides, he's my brother, right? So, wouldn't it be easier if I talked to him?"
"Actually" Barton chimes in "The last time the two brothers had a talk, Loki stabbed him in the gut"
Twilight gulps. Dash's eyes widen with shock "What the hay is wrong with this world?" she shouts
"Too much to count, Rainbow" Banner answers
"Doesn't matter" Twilight says with determination "We're still going"
"Well, in that case, you better bring your hammer" Natasha says "In case things get ugly"
"My hammer?" Twilight asks, confused "What hammer? Why do I need a hammer?"
"Mjolnir" Erik Selvig says "The source of Thor's power. That one over there" Selvig points at a hammer near the wall.
That hammer is huge. That's the first thing that passed through Twilight's head upon seeing Mjolnir. The second was Tony Stark laughing at her for some reason. She shakes her head, and moves towards the hammer. How can a hammer be useful in a time like this? What's so special about it? She grabs the handle. She pulls.
"What the?" Twilight says, trying to lift the hammer to no avail "HNNNG! I-I can't! Is this a prank? This hammer is glued to the floor!"
"Let me try" Dash says
"Don't bother, Rainbow" Bruce says "Only Thor can lift the hammer"
"…and Thor is no longer Thor" Natasha concludes
"Okay, so our resident genius is no longer a genius, and our God is no longer a God" Clint says "Am I the only one worried that our team seems to become more useless by the minute?"
"Wait, how does this work?" Dash asks
"The hammer is enchanted" Erik Selvig explains "Only those worthy of its power can wield it. I guess your friend is unworthy. Just like all of us who aren't Thor"
Twilight bites her lip. Any other day, she would have been fascinated by this enchantment. But, right now, only two words pass through her head. Two words that were spoken by Clint and Selvig…
Useless
Unworthy
She fights back her tears. Twilight has never felt so… so… so irrelevant as she did today. It wasn't enough that Stark insulted her intelligence… Face it, Sparkle. Magic is the only thing you have going for you. Now, not even that. She can't do magic. Not anymore, not on this body. But, then, turns out this new body has advantages, it can wield a weapon that is, supposedly, very powerful. So, she could be useful that way. No, wait. She can't. Because she's unworthy, which means she's useless. Her friends have never faced a challenge as strange as this one, and there's nothing, absolutely nothing she can do to help. Useless.
"Twilight, are you okay?" Dash asks
"Yeah, yeah. I'm alright" Twilight lies, drying a lone tear from her eyes "Who needs this stupid hammer anyway?"
"You know, Twilight" Steve says "If you wish to sit this one out, you can stay here with Dr. Banner, Selvig, and Pepper. We can handle it for you"
Twilight remembers saying something similar to Rainbow Dash yesterday. Dash refused. She wouldn't let her friends do all the work while she sits back and watches, and Twilight would gain wings before she does the same.
"Stay here and wait? Sorry, but no. I don't take backseats" Twilight echoed Stark "I'm a proactive kind of mare"
"Very well, then" Steve said
A few minutes later, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Dash, and Twilight Odinson were aboard a Quinjet heading towards the SHIELD Helicarrier. Twilight has to admit she's really impressed with this world's technology. Even though she can recognize many similarities between 'man' tech and pony tech, theirs are still decades, if not centuries, ahead of Equestria's. Twilight wonders if all this advance was due to the fact that magic seems so scarce in this world, forcing them to come up with all kinds of contraptions to compensate for it. Necessity is the mother of invention, after all. Twilight also couldn't help but notice that the clouds move on their own here, just like in the Everfree forest. If this behavior is the same in the rest of this planet, it will mean that 'people' never had to worry about changing the weather and the seasons, which is very time-consuming, providing them with more time to dedicate in advancing their science. This world and its science are so fascinating! Twilight wish she could have more time to study it…
"Fasten your seatbelts, people and ponies" Clint says "We're about to land"
Tony Dash and Twilight Odinson look through the window and are astounded by what they see.
"Holy spit!" Dash says
"Okay" Twilight says "There's no way you're gonna convince me that's not magic!"
Outside the window was a huge construction made of metal simply floating in the air. There's no way something that huge and heavy could be sustained in the air like that without magic. It's just impossible! Still, there it was, challenging everything Twilight believes with its mere existence. "Welcome to the Helicarrier, folks" Clint says
"Sir, we're still trying to take down all the Rising Tide videos from the web" Maria Hill, the second-in-command of SHIELD told Nick Fury "But they seem to be counter-attacking with spywares. Our firewalls were able to detect and destroy them before they could cause any damage, but still…"
"Hill" Nick Fury said "I think we have more things to worry about right now than some internet conspiracy theorist"
He barely finished saying that when the Quinjet group arrived at the bridge, with Dash and Twilight looking at everything, bewildered.
"Avengers" Fury addressed them "You contacted me saying that you had some progress with the inter-dimensional brain swap problem. Did you succeed in bringing Stark back?"
"Why is that man wearing an eye-patch?" Twilight asks Dash
"I think he's a pirate" Dash answers
"I'm not a pirate!" Fury says, annoyed "Excuse me, Barton, but I'm not seeing any 'progress' here. In fact, I'm seeing the opposite"
"Actually, sir" Steve intervenes "We now have confirmation of where exactly Tony is, and how to reach him. The only problem is that the process seems to be only worsening rather than reverting. But we may be able to fix it if we can talk to the prisoner"
"Loki?!" Maria Hill chimes in "Are you crazy? Do you really think we'll let you…"
"Hill" Fury interrupts "I can handle this"
Maria looks at Fury with as if to say 'but'. Fury stares back at her. Finally she says, almost begrudgingly "Yes, sir"
"And what do you need Loki for, may I ask?" Fury asks Steve
"Loki is behind this" Natasha says
"We don't know that" Steve corrects "But whether he is or not, it definitely has to do with magic, and Loki is the only with any kind of knowledge on the subject"
"Magic?" Fury asks "And who came with that conclusion? Banner?"
"Actually, that was me… uh, sir"
"Thor?"
"That's… not actually Thor, sir" Clint says
"Oh, right" Fury says "Now we have two inter-dimensional aliens here… in the body of another inter-dimensional alien...What was your name, again?"
"My name is Twilight Sparkle, sir" Twilight Odinson said "and this is Rainbow Dash. We are sorry for all this mess and we swear we want to sort it out as much as you do"
Fury stares at Clint "Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash? Those names don't sound very alien to me, Agent Barton"
"They are tribal names" Natasha lies "They're from an indigenous society"
"No, we're n-OW!" Tony Dash says, as Natasha kicks her in the ankle
"Twilight is very knowledgeable in magic, sir" Clint says "She says that Stark was trying to open a portal back in their dimension and he only succeeded using magic"
"If he succeeded, why he's not here?" Fury asks
"The portal is unstable" Steve says "We hope Loki may help us with that"
"So, if Pocahontas and Sitting Bull here convince Loki to help them" Fury says "they will be back to Pandora, Thor and Stark will be back to us, and this whole mess will be over?"
"That's the idea" Natasha sighs
"Sir, you're not considering…" Maria Hill says
"Quiet, Hill" Fury says "Okay, I'll give you access to our prisoner, but be warned, if you two try anything funny, you'll be detained for an indefinite time"
"Understood. Thank you, sir" Clint says, as the group moves toward the detention area
"They are hiding something, sir" Maria Hill said after they left
"I know that, Maria"
"You shouldn't have allowed them to go to Loki's cell" Hill continues "They could still be under his spell. Loki may be planning his escape"
"He wouldn't be stupid to make them refer to themselves as Twilight and Rainbow if that was the case" Fury says "Still, there's something fishy going on. So, when they convince him to help them, and they will, I want you down there with them to keep an eye in Loki and report everything to me"
"But, sir…"
"That's an order, Hill"
Maria seems like she's going to protest further, but she just swallows "Yes, sir" she says, half-heartedly
"Remember" Natasha tells Twilight and Dash "Loki is very dangerous. Don't get too close to the glass and don't let your guard down"
The five approach the glass cell, in which a defeated man in green sat, his head laid back, staring at the ceiling "Hello, Avengers. Came here to gloat, I presume?"
"That's your department" Steve replies
"We want to know what you did" Natasha says
"Why? Something's wrong? Why do people always assume I did something when something goes wrong?" Loki says with a wry smile "No. I'm afraid I haven't done anything in the past 22 hours"
"Cut the crap, Loki" Natasha says, slightly angrier "We can see your fingerprints all over this mess"
"Why so fierce, Agent Romanoff?" Loki asks with a smile "Your lover was returned unharmed, was he not?"
Natasha shows no reaction, but Clint smiles.
"Uh… Excuse me, Mr. Loki, sir?" Twilight chimes in as Loki looks at her with a raised eyebrow "Did you do anything with the cube or the Elements of Harmony that could have caused an inter-dimensional portal?"
Loki is confused. Why is Thor acting like he doesn't know him? "Did you call me 'mister'?"
"Just answer the question, lame brain" Tony Dash says
"Rainbow Dash!" said Twilight
"What?"
"I… this… what…" Loki stutters "Is this some bizarre and pathetic Midgardian method of interrogation?"
"Loki" Steve says "Did you or did you not program the Tesseract to open a rift?"
"Opening portals are the Tesseract's whole purpose, soldier" Loki answers "I don't need to do anything for it to open a rift... wait… is there another portal?"
"Not exactly" Twilight answers "But there was a rift. And now, my friend, Rainbow Dash, and I ended up trading bodies across dimensions with Tony Stark and your brother"
"You're not my brother"
"Yes, exactly" Twilight says, smiling because Loki seemed to understand "We think, if you help us, we could infuse the cube with magic so to reverse the rift effect and bring your brother back"
"You're not my brother" Loki repeats
"Uh… yeah, we already established that" Twilight replies, unsure "I'm sorry, are you having problems following what I said?"
"Stop insulting my intelligence, Thor. Trickery is not your domain" Loki says "While I'm not surprised you would come up with such pitiful attempt at a gambit, it baffles me that your Midgardian companions would agree to your moronic plan. I thought not even them could be that stupid. And you're not my brother"
Twilight is confused. She thought Loki understood, but now he says he doesn't believe her, yet still claims that she's not his brother. What's going on? "I'm sorry, but… How can you not believe I'm Thor and believe I'm Thor at the same time?"
"Don't be dense" Loki says "I know you're Thor. Never said otherwise"
"Okay… my brain hurts…" Twilight says
"This is not a joke, Loki" Steve says "It's true. What would we gain by telling this to you if it wasn't true?"
Loki stops to think. The soldier's words carry the truth. "So, Thor is another person now?"
"I'm a unicorn, actually" Twilight says "We're both ponies"
Loki stares at Twilight for a couple of seconds before laughing out loud. "So, you still don't believe us?" Twilight asks
"No, no. I believe you" Loki says, drying his tears of laughter "You do sound not as dimwitted as Thor"
"Uh… thanks, I guess" Twilight replied, unsure
"And you" Loki addresses Tony Dash "sound slightly stupider than the metal man"
"HEY!" Dash yelled, insulted
"Yes, I believe you" Loki concluded
"So" Natasha asks "You really had nothing to do with this?"
"No" Loki answered "But I wish I did"
"So, you're gonna help us?" Twilight asks
"Why should I?" Loki answers with a soft smile "When this is so entertaining to watch?"
"Oh, yeah? And how you're gonna watch anything trapped in there like a cookie?" Dash says with a cocky smile
Sudden and quickly, Loki gets up from his seat and knocks hard in the glass causing Dash to jump back, surprised.
"I've escaped from a jar like this before, my little pony" Loki hisses "There was someone who was just as confident as you are that I was cornered. You know what happened? I impaled him with my spear and watched as the little worm bled to death"
Dash looks horrified and so does Twilight.
"Step away from the glass" Maria Hill steps into the room, holding a remote control on her hand "or you're gonna be knocked out faster than you can say 'daddy didn't love me'"
Loki complies, moving his hand towards the metal shock collar that Twilight just now noticed he had around his neck.
"Hill? I didn't know you had a sense of humor" Clint says "What are you doing here?"
"Fury sent me to keep an eye on him" Hill says "Also, he ordered me to tell you that we may drop some charges against you if you decide to help them"
Loki laughs "Do you actually think I worry about that? I won't be prosecuted by your mortal courts"
"Are you sure about that?"
"Of course" Loki answers "Thor would never let me be dealt with by mortals. He wants to take me to Asgard. I know that"
"Yeah, but Thor isn't here, is he?" Hill says with a smug smile
Loki's smile fades.
"If you really hope to go back home, Dorothy" Hill continues "I suggest you accept our offer"
Loki looks angry. While it's improbable that Midgardian punishment would be more severe than Asgardian justice, being sentenced by such lower creatures is simply too humiliating. "Very well, I agree to your terms"
"Twilight, do you really think it's a good idea to let him help us?" Dash whispers to Twilight "He's scary"
"I don't like it either, Dash" Twilight whispers back "But he's our only hope to stabilize the portal. Our hooves are tied"
"Remember" Clint warns him "If you try anything funny, I still owe you an arrow to the eye socket"
Loki smiles "When do we start?"
Back in the tower, Selvig, Banner, and Pepper were back into the R&D department, preparing the machine for a second try.
"Do we really need to connect it back to the chest reactor?" Pepper asks Banner "Couldn't we just use the tower's main reactor?"
"I'm sorry, Pepper, but I don't think so" Banner answers "The event was specifically triggered by Tony's chest piece. I know it doesn't sound scientific, but I think that the reactor's connection with Tony's heart may be essential for this to work"
"You sure?" Pepper insists "I really don't want to subject Tony, I mean, Rainbow Dash to that pain again"
"Sure, no, I ain't" Banner says "But the last two times the Tesseract operated on its own it opened a portal to the Chitauri world and the last two times it operated with Tony's arc reactor it opened a portal to Equestria, so…"
"So you need my help to put the horses back in the stable"
The three turn their heads to see Loki arriving in the room followed by Maria Hill, the 'humanized' ponies, and the other three.
Pepper feels her stomach churn. She has never seen Loki before. She feels fear, for this man is powerful and dangerous. She feels anger, for this man is responsible for all that death and destruction and he also almost killed Tony. And yet, she feels relief and gratitude, for this man may bring her Tony back.
Selvig looks away, while tucking his shirt over his chest. Bruce simply raises his eyebrows, almost indifferent "So, our mighty ruler decided to be kind enough to help us" he says to Loki
Loki smiles "Is not very wise to provoke those who are willing to help, Doctor. Especially, when they're your only option"
"Willing? That's a good one" Banner replies "Does that collar itch, little puppy? How does it feel to be ruled? Is it as wonderful as you promised us?"
Loki gives in an angry look "You tell me, Doctor. How it feels to have your life controlled by that mindless beast inside you? You like to pretend you are a scholar, when in truth you are a creature of the basest mind, a drooling simpleton. You may be presently in a position of power, but do not forget that I am still superior to you in all aspects"
Banner chuckles "Oh, Loki, you don't give up do you? Look, you can believe whatever you want, but be warned, if you try to escape, if you try to harm my friends in any way, I will imprint your face in every single tile on this floor" Bruce says in a very serious tone, while Loki takes a step back, slightly shaken "Do you understand? Good"
Dash had to pick up her jaw from the floor. Ever since she woke up here, Bruce Banner has always been the friendliest, shiest, most comforting, understanding, and, seemingly, most harmless of all the people she met so far. But here he was, not only talking smack, but downright threatening the super-creepy, mega-dangerous psycho, and the super-creepy, mega-dangerous psycho actually cowered! That was AWESOME! And disturbing, but in a cool way. Once she's back in Ponyville, Dash will start a Bruce Banner Fan Club.
"Virginia Potts?" Maria Hill addresses Pepper "I'm Deputy Maria Hill from SHIELD. We're sorry for all the inconvenience the last days' events have caused you and we want to assure you that SHIELD is doing everything possible to stabilize the situation so you can proceed with your usual routine"
"Huh… ok, thanks" Pepper says, trying not to roll her eyes at that bullshit bureaucratic apology. Inconvenience? Really?
"We're losing time!" Selvig says "We better start this"
"Ok, Rainbow" Bruce addresses Tony Dash "I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to ask you to take your shirt off and sit on the chair again"
Dash gulps, but complies.
"What's the problem?" Twilight Odinson asks
"Well, it's a very painful procedure" Banner explains "We need to connect the cube to Tony's chest reactor. It will hurt, but there's no other way"
"Can't you take it off her chest?" Twilight asks, already moving her hand towards the reactor, but Pepper catches her hand midair.
"If you take it off, she dies" both Twilight and Dash stare at her "That thing is what keeps Tony alive"
"Why?" Dash asks "Am I… He's a robot?"
"No" Pepper says with a soft, sad smile "But that thing keeps his heart beating"
"If Dash died in Stark's body" Twilight ponders "Would Stark die in her body as well?"
"I don't think so" Selvig says "But this is uncharted territory, anything is possible"
"Once his body died, your spirit would probably try to find its way home" Loki chimes in "It probably would never find it, and if it did, it would have to wrestle Stark's consciousness for the dominance of the body. Whoever lost would either be expelled or locked in, forced to watch, helpless, as the winner would use their body and live their life. But that's just conjecture"
The room fell silent for a minute, while Dash and Twilight exchanged looks of worry and attempted reassurance. Bruce breaks the silence "Well, I have experience with being locked in, helpless, in something else's body. It sucks, but you learn how to live with it. Don't worry, though, Rainbow. We're not gonna let anything happen to you. And YOU" Banner points to Loki "You will use your magic to keep the portal stable"
"Certainly" Loki says with a smirk
The cables are connected once again. Natasha grabs Loki's scepter. Loki eyes the scepter. Natasha gives him a 'don't even think about it' look. Both Pepper and Twilight hold Dash's hands. Selvig turns the machine on.
Tony Dash's body jerks with pain as Twilight and Pepper tighten their grip. The energy once again escapes the cables and forms its own independent stream. "LOKI! Stabilize it!" Banner yells. Loki closes his eyes and stretches his arms forward, the inside of his hands facing the stream, concentrating. The portal begins to open.
"Yes, yes" Banner whispers
The portal stops growing. It's stable.
"YES!"
Suddenly, the portal shrinks. It stays the size of an apple. It shoots a beam of energy, hitting Steve who convulses.
"NO!" Banner yells "Shut it off!"
Natasha does her thing, and the machine 'dozes off'.
"Dash, are you okay?" Twilight asks "That was awful"
"Yeah, I'm okay" Dash said, feeling nauseous "Oh, darn. I'm gonna have to past through this yet again, won't I?"
"Steve, are you okay?" Natasha asks her fallen Avenger "Are you still Steve?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" Steve says, a little dizzy
"Do you feel like eating hay?" Clint asks
"I'm not a pony, Clint" Steve answers while getting up, annoyed
"Hey, it's no crime to be sure"
"Hmm, interesting…" Loki says
"What did you do?" Bruce asks
"I did nothing, Doctor" Loki answers "You didn't need me. Your machine works perfectly"
"Oh, yeah. I can see that" Banner replied, sarcastically
"The problem is on their side" Loki points at Tony Dash and Twilight Odinson
"Excuse me?" Twilight says
"Portals are doorways. Doors can be opened from both sides" Loki smirks at Clint "Doors can be jammed from both sides as well. Your side is jammed"
"Jammed?" Dash asks "Jammed by what?"
"Chaos"
"Chaos?" Banner asks
"Yes, chaos" Loki says "When I was stabilizing the portal, I sensed a strong aura of chaos coming from the other side, disrupting the portal"
"But why? How? I mean, it can't…" Twilight stops, suddenly having a disturbing revelation "Discord"
"Discord?" asks Hill
"Discord. He's a horrible being who only brings misery and disharmony everywhere he goes"
"An entity of chaos called Discord?" Hill continues "What is this? A videogame?"
"Primitive civilizations tend to anthropomorphize what they can't understand or control" Selvig tries to explain "So they create deities to represent the most abstract aspects of their lives. In this case, Discord"
"Hey! Whose civilization you're calling primitive?" Dash yelled
"Discord isn't a 'representation'" Twilight says "He's very real and he's very dangerous"
"But, Twilight" Dash says "Discord was defeated. We defeated him"
"I was defeated once" Loki smirks
"Twice" Barton says
"But we imprisoned him in the statue!" Dash protests
"Well, I don't think he's in the statue any more" Twilight says, turning to Bruce "We need to go back as soon as possible! Equestria needs us!"
"I'm sorry, Twilight" Bruce replies "If Loki speaks the truth, then our hands are tied. It's on Tony's, Thor's, and your friends' hands now"
While the group argued, Loki walked away. Facing a wall, he closes his eyes and concentrates. To everyone in the room, Loki was still there. His body was there. His mind, however, was in the other side of the universe, on a rock floating in space, where a hooded creature stares at him with hatred.
"You dare contact me?" the Other hissed "You have failed!"
"Your army failed" Loki rebuts "But that's irrelevant right now. I came with glad tidings"
"Save your breath, Asgardian" the Other interrupts "Your eloquent speeches have no effect here"
"I do suggest you hear what I have to say" Loki insists "Thor's brain has been traded with those of an equine creature, a considerable improvement I might add, and he's not the only one. The armored one too, and he has had a significant decrease on his ingenuity as a result. If this ripple effect continues, the Avengers will be neutralized, and the moment will be propitious for a second attack"
"You take us for fools?" the Other asked "Expecting us to believe such nonsense?"
"It is rather ridiculous" Loki admitted "Which proves I would never tell you if it was a lie as I would gain nothing with something this unbelievable"
The Other pauses "How?" he asks
"Apparently, the Tesseract opened a second portal when no one was looking" Loki smiles "It caused two of Earth's defenders to change bodies with beings from another dimension that seem to be even meeker than those of Earth. I suspect the changes will continue"
"The Earthlings didn't seem so meek in the battle" the Other hisses "Can you guarantee that their forces will be subjugated by the time of the second attack?"
"The only way they can fight us is if they're here, and an aura of chaos is preventing anyone to come back. It's a very faint aura. I could easily dissipate it if I so wish" Loki smirks "but why would I do that?"
"Very well, Asgardian" the Other says "Do not fail this time. The master seldom gives second chances"
"Hey! What are you doing?" Maria Hill asks Loki
"I'm… meditating" Loki says with a mischievous smile
"Yeah, right" Hill says "Go back to the group, Ipkiss"
After a few minutes of pointless discussion, the group decided that there was nothing they could do, it was getting late, and they should rest. Accompanied by Barton, Deputy Hill brought Loki back to the Helicarrier, saying that they could try again tomorrow, maybe.
Pepper invites everyone (and everypony) for dinner, just realizing that they skipped lunch. Everyone goes back to their bedrooms (with Natasha having to guide Twilight to Thor's room) to clean up and get ready to eat.
Steve was sitting in the bathroom, feeling ill. He hasn't felt ill ever since he took the Super Soldier Serum, but now he was dizzy, nauseous, and sweating cold. Something's wrong.
Steve tries to get up, but he feels weak "Help…" he tries to say, but falls unconscious on the floor.
Seconds later, he recovers. Still dizzy, he gets up, trying to recognize his surroundings "Wha… Where am I?" Steve ends up facing his own reflex on the mirror and is completely taken aback by what he sees.
"What in darnation?" he says
Author's Note
Something that just occured to me while rewatching the Iron Man movies:
In IM2 Tony compares himself to the myth of the Phoenix, so...
Which two colors are usually associated with a Phoenix?
Which two colors are usually associated with Iron Man?
I wonder if it was intentional, probably not, but still cool.
"Cross the Brooklyn bridge
To the place where the mortals live
Where they wear their hearts
On a sleeve of metal and stars
And I call them friends
Stand beside them right to the very end
And I feel at home"
Rainbow Bridge, Kirby Krackle
CHAPTER SEVEN
THORSE
"Angel! Come back here!" Spike yells to the unruly bunny "Don't make me come after you!"
Angel doesn't comply. He keeps running around the library, throwing books at Spike.
"Ow, quit it!"
"ANGEL! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Fluttershy, who had just entered the library, shouts, but quickly goes back to her old coy self "I-I mean, if you don't mind… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you… You're not angry, are you? Please, don't be angry"
The bunny just shrugs and happily hops towards her owner.
"Oh, Fluttershy, thank Celestia you're here!" Spike says, relieved "I don't know what I would do…"
"Is she back here?" Applejack asks, bursting through the door, making Fluttershy jump in the air
"Who?" Spike asks
"Twilight!" Applejack says "I can't find her anywhere"
"I don't know. I didn't know she had left. I was too busy taking care of Angel" Spike answers "As a matter of fact, I didn't know you left either. I thought you all were still in the basement"
"So, Stark isn't here either?" Fluttershy asks "I've found a mine. I wanted to ask him to check it out to see if it was what he wanted"
"Who cares if it is what he wanted?" Applejack says "I still don't know why we're doin' him any favors"
"FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE, STARK!" Twilight shouts as she enters the library "SHUT UP!"
"You know, as someone who has the pink motor mouth as a friend, I expected you to be more tolerant with talkative types" Rainbow Stark says, following Twilight "Especially, considering that love and tolerance seem to be the whole shtick of this place"
"Oh, I'm tolerating you" Twilight hisses "I'm tolerating you so hard right now…"
"Twilight!" Applejack says, hugging her friend "Are ya okay?"
"Uh, yeah... Yes, I am" Twilight says "Thank you for your concern"
"Oh, Twilight, I was so worried" Applejack says "I looked everywhere for ya"
"Did you try walking in a straight line? That's what I did" Stark provokes "Maybe you got distracted by pretty lights… That's why horses in my world have blinders. Maybe I should give you a pair for Christmas"
"Maybe I should give ya a kick in the teeth" Applejack replies, angry
"Bring it" Stark says "I'm not afraid to hit a girl"
"No problem" Applejack replies "Ya ain't gonna get a chance to land a hit on me"
"Doubtful, if your moves are as slow as your thought process…"
"Ya insulting my intelligence?"
"No. First you need to have intelligence for it to be insulted"
"That's it, Stark! Ya are goin' down!"
"I hope is not too hard to pick up fruit with a couple of ribs broken"
"STOP!" Fluttershy shouts with tears in her eyes "P-please... Stop fighting... please..."
"Look what you did" Stark said "You've upset Steve Irwin"
"WHAT I DID?!" Applejack yells, furious
"Shush!" Stark says "You're gonna make our baby cry again"
"Stark! Stop insulting my friends or I won't help you" Twilight says
"We've been through this before, Sparkle. You're in no position to negotiate" Stark simply says "Now, if you may excuse us, Roy Rogers, we have work to do"
"Ya are tryin' to get rid of me?"
"Well, you already brought my tools and you already saw Twilight. So, there's no reason for you to still be here" Stark says "Why don't you go back to the Clampett family farm, Elly May, get drunk with your hillbilly friends, and sing songs about how the South will rise again?"
"I… have no idea what any of that means, but I'm pretty sure it's an insult" Applejack says "And I'm not moving one hoof until I'm sure ya won't bother Twilight anymore!"
"Jesus, you're needy" Stark says "Ok, you can stay here with Hiccup and Toothless, while Gwen Tennyson and I go to the basement for magic science and stuff"
"I'm goin' down with you" Applejack insists, following them to the basement
"Sorry, this is the thinker's zone now. Where thinkers think" Rainbow Stark says, blocking the way from Applejack "Only ponies who know how to spell their own name allowed. Sorry" and with a smile Stark closed the basement's door on Applejack's face.
The room fell silent. Applejack stays immobile, staring at the door, without moving a muscle or making a sound, her back turned to the other occupants of the room. Fluttershy and Spike exchange concerned glances.
"A-applejack? Are you okay?" Fluttershy asks, unsure
"I CAN SPELL MY NAME!" Applejack explodes, scaring Fluttershy "It's A-P-L-E… No, wait. Darn it. It's A-P-P-E-L… ARGH! It's A-P-P-L-E-J-C… FUUUUU…"
Down in the basement, Twilight addresses Stark "Okay, Stark, let's get over with this. What do you need my help for?"
"Well, you remember our little portal-laser-device-thingy, right?"
"Yes…?"
"Well, you remember it didn't work?"
"Cut to the chase, Stark" Twilight says, impatient
"Well, I know what went wrong" Stark says "Science won't work. We need your magic abilities for this"
"Okay, so what do I do?"
"You do the same thing that the laser did, except you'll be using your horn beam of fun, sunshine and happiness to power up the gems"
"That's it?!" Twilight asks, angry
"Simple, isn't it?" Stark replies "I didn't even need to use GameShark"
"You just want me to shoot a beam?!" Twilight says, outraged "You said you knew nothing about magic. You said that you were stuck. You said you needed my intellectual help!"
"No, I said I needed what's in your head" Stark says, tapping Twilight's horn "So, when can you start?"
"You're not asking for my help! You're using me! You just think of me as a tool!" Twilight yells
"A very useful tool"
"A Tool?!" Twilight insists "Is that all I mean to you?"
"What the hell? 'All you mean to me'?" Stark says "You want the divorce? Did I take the magic out of our relationship? Goddamn it, Sparkle. We're not a couple. We're not even friends. We're just two guys after the same thing! It's very simple: You fart your magic shit on the gems and we all get what we want. Now, I'm sorry if this all seems like a banal use of your amazing abilities and you would rather be cracking the Da Vinci code or something, but could you swallow your pride for one day in your miserable life and do something useful without complaining for once?"
"You know nothing about me!" Twilight yells
"And I don't want to!" Stark yells back "We're very close to never have to see each other again, so, please, Gandalf, JUST DO IT!"
Twilight scowls at him "This better work"
"Tell you what, Charlie" Stark says "If this doesn't work, me and the pink one will take you to the Candy Mountain Cave for consolation. We promise you we won't steal your kidney. What do you say?"
"The same thing I said before: shut up!"
"Okay, then"
Twilight closes her eyes and concentrates. She wants Rainbow Dash back. She wants Stark OUT! She puts every single drop of strength, of rage, of her body into this. Her horn glows and glows, until it finally shoots an enormous beam towards all the Elements.
"Whoa!" Stark says "We want to energize them, not to vaporize them!"
"They seem pretty energized to me" Twilight says
And they were. The Element of Loyalty was bright and pulsing.
"Gotta hand it to you, Kristen Stewart" Stark says, patting Twilight in the back "Good job"
But then, the Element of Loyalty shot the beam back towards all the elements, until it finally reached the Element of Magic. "I take that back" Stark says "You suck"
Before Twilight has a chance to frown at Stark, the Element of Magic shots the beam back into her face, knocking her to the other side of the basement, unconscious. Rainbow Stark laughs out loud "I'm sorry! Sorry. You had to see the look on your face. Do you still have a face?" he asks, approaching her inanimate body.
"Hey, Stephenie Meyer, are you alright?" he asks again "I don't want to deal with a dead unicorn. It's bad luck"
Twilight shakes her head gently, dissipating the fogginess of her mind. She sees Rainbow Stark staring at her, and she looks slightly suspicious and confused "Hey, Rod Serling, I'm glad you're okay" Before Stark could continue, Twilight leaps and immobilizes Stark on the floor, holding his hoof against his back.
"Stand down, your demonic creature, or feel the wrath of…" Twilight stops, as if she was shocked by the sound of her own voice.
"Okay… I only know one guy who talks like that" Stark says, his face still pressed against the floor "Thor?"
"How do you know my name, talking horse?" Twilight asks, still holding Stark's hoof against his back
"Look who's talking" Stark answers
Thor Sparkle looks at his hands or, better yet, his hooves "I'M A HORSE!"
"Yes, you are" Stark says, finally free from Thor's grip "And to answer your first question: It's me, Tony. Welcome to hell, buddy"
"Stark?" Thor says "What kind of sorcery is this?"
"Beats me" Stark answers "But I'm trying to reverse it"
"So were Banner and Selvig" said Thor
"We did great, didn't we?" Stark asks, sarcastically
"Where are we?"
"Hell, Neverland, the mind of a little girl high on acid, I don't know" Stark says "Here, they call it Equestria"
"Equestria?"
"Yeah, everyone, sorry, everypony here is a horse and they live happily forever in their gardens full of color and rivers made of chocolate"
"So, there's a tenth realm we were unaware of? Incredible" Thor says "Although I was hoping this was a jest"
"You and I both, buddy" Stark says "So, how's things back home?"
"There's someone who calls itself Rainbow Dash occupying your body now"
"Yeah, that's who I am now" Stark says, spreading his arms "Apparently, I'm a mix between Usain Bolt and a weatherman. And you're Twilight Sparkle. Her life story can be abridged by playing Supertramp's The Logical Song backwards"
"I'm not sure I understand"
"Don't worry, buddy" Stark says "We just need to find another source of magic so we can go back… You don't happen to know how to use that, do you?" Stark points at Thor's horn
"I… I don't think so"
"It's okay. I don't know how to use these either" Stark shows his wings "Well, we better break the news to the others"
"Others?"
Stark opens the basement door to find Applejack, Fluttershy and Spike waiting "Well, I've got good news and…"
"A-P-P-L-E-J-A-C-K!" Applejack shouts at Stark
"What?"
"I can spell my name!"
"Good job. You want a sticker?" Stark replies completely deadpan "As I was saying I have good news. The machine worked"
"What machine?" Fluttershy asks
"If the machine worked" Applejack says "Why ya are not Rainbow Dash?"
"Well, that's the bad news" Stark says "Instead of bringing Rainbow Dash in, it sent someone else out"
"What…" Applejack says, before realization struck her "TWILIGHT! What ya did to her?" she presses Stark against the floor.
"What is this? Pin Stark Down in the Ground Day?" Stark says "Do you mind if I stay on top?"
"What ya did to her?" Applejack insists
"She's fine" Stark answers "Unless Thor was flying when the switch happened, of course"
"Thor?"
"Yeah, isn't this exciting?" Stark says, pressing his cheeks together and mocking a cute voice "You got to meet a new friend! You love meeting new friends, don't you? Yes, you do"
Applejack turns her head to see Thor Sparkle coming out of the basement "Twilight? Please, tell me he's lying… Tell me ya are still ya…"
Thor gives in a sad look "I'm deeply sorry, orange pony"
Applejack sheds a tear "Why? Why is this happening?" she cries
"Okay, now I'm feeling uncomfortable" Stark says, crawling away from the crying pony
Applejack paid him no mind, and kept sobbing in her hooves
"Maybe we should introduce you" Stark tells Thor "Jackasses, gecko. This is Thor. Thor, these are Lumberjack, Ace Ventura, and Puff, the Magic Dragon"
"MY NAME IS SPIKE!" Spike yells
"You know, for a dragon, you don't have a very thick skin" Stark says "Besides, you should consider yourselves lucky that your friend got replaced by Thor. If it was his brother, you all would be in serious danger of being molested right now"
"Stark!" Thor shouts "I told you, the Midgardian account of the origins of Sleipnir is grossly innacurate"
"Yeah, right" Stark says "Anything to preserve the family honor, right?"
"IS EVERYTHING A JOKE TO YA?" Applejack shouts, her eyes still wet
Stark laughs "You know, I just noticed you have your pony tail on a ponytail…"
"Two of my best friends are gone, and ya just keeping make jokes! Don't ya see how awful this is?" Applejack yells "Of course, ya don't! Ya don't have anypony that ya care about but ya' self"
"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!" Stark shouts, startling the ponies
"My friends, this is no time for fighting" Thor chimes in "We need to focus on the ordeal at hand"
"Princess Bride is right. We need another horny pony" Stark says "Where's Scarcity?"
"Rarity is still working on your stupid suit" Applejack said with contempt
"Oh, yeah, the contingency plan" Stark says "We may need that, now"
"About that" Fluttershy says "I've found a mine. Could you…"
"Not now, Horse Whisperer" Stark says "We need to talk to Equestrian Dior. Come with me, Thor"
"I'm coming with ya" Applejack says
"Do I need to fill out a restraining order against you?" Stark asks
"Listen, Stark, I don't trust ya" Applejack says "The last time you were alone with Twilight you sent her to 'I-don't-even-know-where'. I'm not gonna let this happen to Rarity. I'm coming with ya, whether ya like it or not"
"Pfft. Whatever. Just don't hold us back"
A few minutes later, Rainbow Stark, Applejack, and Thor Sparkle were on the doorstep of Rarity's home/store. "Before we enter, Thor, I want you to be careful" Stark says "Rarity doesn't seem dangerous, but she sells clothes in a place where everyone walks around naked, so she's either crazy or stupid"
Applejack frowns at Stark
"Do you know any other facial expressions?" Stark asks her, before entering "Hey, Edna Mode! Where's my super-suit?"
Rarity turns her head to meet her friends "Oh, hi, Stark. Twilight! Applejack! I'm glad you came too!"
Applejack looks sad "I'm afraid that's not Twilight, Rarity"
"What do you mean?"
"She means like I'm also not the pony version of Speed Racer" Stark says "We had another body swap"
"Oh, dear… So, Twilight is…"
"Meet Thor" said Stark "Thor, this is Rarity"
"Enchanted to meet you, Lady Rarity" Thor Sparkle holds and kisses Rarity's hoof
"Lady?" Rarity says, blushing "Oh, my. How gallant"
"Ya could learn a few things from him" Applejack tells Stark
"Meh. I have fame, looks, brains and money. I don't need manners" Stark says "Besides, Thor's a prince. That's how they act"
"He's a prince?!" Rarity asks "Darn! Why did you have to be Twilight? Why couldn't you be a stallion?"
"I'm sorry" Thor said, not exactly sure what he's apologizing for
"Ahem!" Stark coughs "My suit?"
"Oh, right" Rarity says, grabbing a piece of paper from her table "I worked on it all day. You're gonna love it. It's simply divine"
Divine? Stark's not sure if he likes where this is going.
Stark takes the paper and looks over it "Okay, it's good… Just a few questions"
"Yes?"
"What's the deal with the hat?"
"It's marvelous, isn't it?"
"Yeah, sure, but you see" Stark tries to explain "This is a high speed flight suit. The hat would be lost the very first…"
"We'll just add a cord" Rarity interrupts
"Okay…" Stark says, rubbing the back of his neck "and the cape?"
"Capes are in this season, darling"
"But, you're Edna Mode!" Stark says "You shouldn't like capes!"
"Who's Edna Mode?" Rarity asks
"It's just a character from The Incredibles" Stark says "You'd like that movie, by the way. There's a character named Dash on it. Okay, let me see… I'm strangely okay with the turquoise ornaments, but why did you change the red/gold pattern for purple/white?"
"The red and yellow were clashing with the hat and cape" Rarity answers "Purple and white make a much better match"
"I see…"
"You didn't like it…" Rarity says, a disappointed tone on her voice
"No, no, I loved it" Stark says "You did a good job, Harriet"
"It's Rarity"
"What did I say?" Stark replies, rolling the paper and putting it in a bag he was carrying "Anyway, this wasn't the only reason we came here. We would like to know if you could follow us back to the library to power up my machine with your magic"
"Couldn't Twilight, sorry, Thor do that?" Rarity asks
"Thor can't do magic" Stark says
"Maybe he can" Applejack says "He's in Twilight's body; he has Twilight's horn and her magic abilities too. If he puts his heart into it, he can do it"
"You hear that, Thor?" Stark says "If you believe really hard and clap your hands really fast, the magic fairies will drop pixie dust and…"
"STARK!" Applejack yells "You're not helping!"
"Fine, fine" Stark said "Okay, Thor, let's give it a shot"
Thor Sparkle closes his eyes and concentrates. My friends are counting on me. I must not fail them. He sweats. He concentrates harder and harder and harder and harder and…
FART!
Thor, Applejack and Rarity blush, while Stark tries his best not to laugh "Damn, Thor! What did you eat? Or should I ask what Twilight ate?"
"A thousand apologies, fair lady" Thor Sparkle lowers his head in reverence to Rarity, which happens to heighten his butt in Applejack's direction, who turns her head away, trying not to breathe "A delicate damsel like you shouldn't be submitted to such treatment. I have never been so ashamed"
"It's okay, darling" Rarity says, waving her hoof to dissipate the smell "It happens to the best of us"
"See? That's all the 'magic' he can do. And it stinks. Literally" Stark says "Will you follow us now?"
"Oh, dear" Rarity sighs "Look, Stark, I only ever use my magic for practical uses, like sewing, grabbing objects, and detecting gems. I don't know how to do fancy spells like Twilight does"
"We understand, Rarity" Applejack says
"Besides, I worked on this design all day. I'm exhausted" Rarity says "And it's almost time for my beauty sleep too"
"Yeah, looks are important" Stark says "I never had a beauty sleep, but then again, I never had to work hard to look decent"
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Rarity says, offended
"Nothing. Bye"
"Farewell, Lady Rarity"
"Honestly" Applejack said to Stark once they were outside "Are ya tryin' to make everypony hate ya?"
"Rest assured, Jack of Apples" Thor said "The Man of Iron may be aggravating sometimes, but he has the best intentions in his heart"
"Yep. I'm a little cutesy flower at heart" Stark mocked with a wry smile
"I believe the 'aggravating' part" Applejack replies "Why did ya call him 'Man of Iron'?"
"It's because I eat a lot of red meat" Stark quips "Anyway, do you know any other pony who can pull a rabbit out of a hat or something?"
"A rabbit out of a hat?" Thor says, confused "I don't understand…"
"He's mocking magic" Applejack explains, frowning at Stark "Pullin' a rabbit out a hat is not real magic, just a stage trick…" Applejack pauses, suddenly remembering something "Actually, I do know a pony that can pull a rabbit out of a hat…"
"Great!" Stark says "Take us to her. I say her because I'm starting to doubt the existence of male ponies around here…"
"What? Now?" Applejack says "Do ya have any idea how late it is? Rarity is right. We should be going to bed"
"Einstein only slept three hours a year" Stark says
"I don't know who 'Eye Stain' is…"
"Someone who's more intelligent than you"
"That doesn't mean much" Applejack replies before realizing what she just said, much to Stark's amusement "Wait! No! I mean…"
"Listen, Applejack" Stark says "I know I've been less than cordial with you and your friends, and it's obvious how much you care about them. I respect that. I really do. From the very moment you found out your friend was gone, you acted hostile towards me. I don't begrudge you for that. I understand. You want your friend back and you're pissed because some jackass replaced her and is using her body to be a jerk. The way you almost broke down when you found out Twilight was replaced too really touched me. I mean it. I never had the pleasure to meet Rainbow Dash but, as far as I'm concerned, you're the biggest contestant to the title of Element of Loyalty I've ever met"
"Oh… wow" Applejack mumbles, surprised by Stark's unexpected niceness "Stark, I… I don't know what to say…"
"Don't say anything" Rainbow Stark continues "You may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but you're definitely the most reliable. You probably had the opportunity to get a higher education, but you gave it up to stay with your family and help them. That takes balls and, most importantly, devotion. Lots of people sorely lack both. Doing something like you did builds character. And muscle, if your physique is anything to go by. Anyway, I know it's late and you're probably tired, but the sooner we find someone who can magically power up those gems, the sooner we'll get your friends back. We must do it for those we care about, just like you always did. Just like you'll always do. Besides, just us going for a stroll under the moonlight isn't that bad now, is it?" Stark finishes with a wink.
Applejack just froze. Without thinking, she closed her eyes and started to lean forward, her lips barely open. Once she realized what she was doing, she stops and covers her mouth with her hoof, blushing "Oh my gosh! I-I was about to…"
"Yep" Stark says with a cocky smile
"But… I didn't… I mean… I wouldn't… I… What?!" Applejack mumbled
"It's the good ol' Tony Stark charm. Never fails" Stark says "I could convince my worst enemy to sleep with me in less than three minutes. Tell the truth, even I get scared by how effective it is. Don't worry though, I won't make any advances on you. I already have a girlfriend and I'm not into horses. That's Loki's department"
"STARK!" Thor shouts
"Anyway" Stark ignores Thor "Now, that I've made you 87% less mad at me. Could you take us to the Mystery Mare?"
"Okay, I'll do it" Applejack sighs "But let me warn ya, no matter what she says, she's NOT all that great and powerful"
Back at the library, Fluttershy asks Spike "Do you think they're gonna be back soon?"
"I'm not sure" Spike says, ready to take the garbage out "Do you still want to wait?"
"Yeah, I think it's better…"
"Your choice" Spike says as he leaves the library and puts the garbage bag in the bin. As he turns towards the library, he suddenly feels like something is missing.
He takes a few seconds to realize what "Discord! Where is he? He was right here! We need to warn the Princess…"
Wait, he thinks, There doesn't seem to be anything wrong… No chocolate rain… No houses of cards… No ballet dancing buffalos… No chaos anywhere… If Discord really escaped, there should be chaos. Maybe he didn't escape. Maybe the Princess sent somepony over to retrieve him when nopony was looking…
"Hmm… Efficient service" Spike says to himself as he goes back to the library, completely carefree.
Back to the mismatched trio, Applejack, Rainbow Stark, and Thor Sparkle walked for miles until arriving to a poorly put together wagon parked in the shoulder of the road "Before we knock" Applejack says "Ya better remember that Trixie and us don't have a very friendly history…"
"Oh, this is gonna be fun" Stark simply says as he knocks hard on the door
"Who dares to interrupt my great and powerful slumber?" Trixie shouts, opening the door to see the three ponies staring at her "Oh, if it isn't Toilet Sparkle with her two whiny friends, Rainbow Rash and Applejerk"
"Rainbow Rash... I like that. It has alliterative appeal" Rainbow Stark says "Plus, it sounds like the name of an STD"
"What do you want?" Trixie continues "Destroying my wagon in Ponyville wasn't enough and you want to see what else you can take away from me?"
"Like you sit in the public Toilet Sparkle for an Applejerk-off and BAM! You got Rainbow Rash!" Stark keeps musing to himself
"Hey!" Applejack chimes in "Maybe ya still would have ya wagon if ya wasn't showing off and—"
"Oh, my! I was showing off?" Trixie interrupts "NEWSFLASH, your imbecile! I'm a performer! That's what we do! We exaggerate! We boast! We try to get attention! It's called SHOW BUSINESS for a reason!"
Applejack takes a step back surprised by Trixie's outburst "I like this one" Stark smirks
"But…" Applejack says "Ya were trying to humiliate us!"
"I'm sorry, but who were talking smack in the first place trying to disrupt my business? It was you and that stupid dragon! Because Celestia forgive somepony dares to say to be better than us! You two are so petty! Besides, magicians and hypnotists always humiliate a volunteer for the rest of the audience. It's part of the act"
"Petty? Me?" Applejack asks, dumbfounded
"Yeah!" Trixie says "I guess your blue friend here is the only pony allowed to think highly of herself in that entire stinky city! Enjoy your days of friendship, Rainbow Dash, because I bet that when the ponies start to pay more attention to you than to them, you're so-called friends will try to bring you down too"
"Actually, I'm not…" Stark tries to say
"I mean, I was just doing my livelihood when you had to burst my bubble!" Trixie continues her rant, cutting Stark off "How would you like if your stupid little sister was doing some parlor tricks to her friends and I came along and showed everypony were she was hiding the real card? Showing everypony how much of a freaking fraud she is? When all she wanted to do was entertain her friends and, I don't know, maybe boost up her self-esteem a little bit? Would you like that? WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?" Trixie's eyes were wet with tears of anger "Did you even punish those two brats who brought the Ursa Minor to the city? Or I was the only victim in that whole farce?"
"Uh… no… we did… I…" Applejack didn't know what to say. She didn't expect Trixie to react so strongly "maybetheydidn'tliketheirmustaches" she mumbles
"Excuse me, Lady of Tricks" Thor chimes in with a reverence "I must humbly request you to forgive any past feuds you may have with the previous occupants of these bodies and assist us in a mission of the most importance"
"Uh… what?" Trixie asks Thor, confused
"Here's the thing, Trixie Tang" Stark butted in "We are in the middle of a magic blunder, Cosmo is having her beauty sleep and Wanda changed bodies with Jorgen Von Strangle. So you are our only option to clean up this mess"
"Once again: what?"
"Do it for Timmy Turner!" Stark insists
"Time Turner? We only dated once!"
Applejack sighs "Listen, Trixie. These aren't Twilight and Rainbow Dash. It's hard to explain right now, but they changed bodies with somepony else and we don't know where they are. Ya 're the best alternative we got right now to have 'em back"
"Really?" Trixie says suspicious at first, but slowly a huge grin start to appear on her face "YES! Ha Ha Ha! Payback is an itch, huh? Who's laughing now? The great and powerful Trixie, that's who!"
"The great and powerful Trixie? Really?" Stark chuckles "Okay, seriously, where's the man behind the curtain?"
"What?" Trixie says
"Man behind a curtain? I don't understand" Thor says
"Me neither" Applejack agrees
"Steve would" Tony frowns
"Now that you learned the circumstances of our most troubling situation" Thor addresses Trixie "Would you grant us your assistance?"
"Uh, let me think… NO!" she shouts and closes the door in their faces
"This… is a very rude horse" Thor says
Applejack sighs "Let's go home…"
"Not without James Franco" Stark says
"Trixie won't help us, Stark" Applejack says "It's useless"
"I've created an element from random crap in my basement when Jarvis himself told me it was impossible" Stark replies "So, I'm not gonna give up just because a stupid pony is mad at you for not letting her play in your sandbox. I know how to handle this type of people… ponies. Just let me talk with her"
Applejack looks at Stark for a few seconds before nodding "Okay, if ya say so. Use ya charm" Stark smiles
Knock, knock!
"What?" Trixie answers the door to see Stark alone on the doorstep "Go away!" she begins to close the door, but Stark grabs it.
"Look, Gilderoy Lockhart, I know we started off with the wrong foot" Stark says, pushing his way inside Trixie's wagon "But I believe that if you help us it would be beneficial for 'everypony', including you"
"Look, Rainbow…"
"It's Stark, actually. Tony Stark" Stark corrects
"Stark, I'm sorry you got involved in this mess" Trixie says "But there's absolutely no way that I'm gonna help that purple mule, regardless if she isn't 'she'. So spare both our time and patience, because you ain't gonna convince me otherwise"
"If I understand correctly, Twilight managed to do a trick that you said you could do, but couldn't, which resulted in the destruction of your home, reputation, and dignity. That's why you're so upset, right?" Stark says
Trixie shots Stark an angry look "You. Leave. NOW!"
"Wait, wait, let me finish" Stark says "Twilight isn't here. She's in another dimension with no way to go back. Helpless. Unless you do something"
Trixie chuckles "And here I thought you were trying to change my mind…"
"I am" Stark continues "Think about it: If you help us, and you succeed in bringing her back home, she will be in eternal debt with you"
Trixie stops to think. Still feigning disinterest, she simply says "Go on…"
"Can you imagine?" Stark continues "The mighty Twilight Sparkle is now a buffoon who can only cast spells with her rear end. Or, at least, that's how she looks to everypony else who still believes she is she. And from the horizon comes the once chastised Trixie, ready to save the day, to triumph where Sparkle failed. To show everypony that, in that moment, you are the Great and Powerful Trixie, the most skilled spell-caster in all of Ponyville!"
Trixie just looks at Stark, showing no reaction "Promise me an audience" she says
"All of Ponyville will be watching"
"Then, Mr. Stark" Trixie says with a smirk "You got yourself a deal"
While that was happening, Thor Sparkle and Applejack were outside. Thor looks at the stars, a sad expression on his face.
"Is something wrong?" Applejack asks
"I dreaded the time this would happen again" Thor says "I never expected it to be so soon…"
"What happened again?" Applejack asks, curious
"Have you ever felt powerless, Jack of Apples? Have you ever been forced away from home?"
"Can't say that I did"
"I was a mighty prince. A fearsome warrior. And a petulant, foolish child" Thor tells her "One short-sighted act of arrogance of mine endangered my friends and my kingdom. I didn't see it that away. I thought I was on the right. I paid no mind to the consequences my act had unleashed. I challenged my father. Insulted him. I was deemed unworthy. Of my title. Of my kingdom. Of my friends. Of my family. And of my power. So, I was banished. Exiled away, far away from home, to never come back unless I learned my lesson. Alone in another world with no means to go back, powerless. Just like now. Except that I don't know if Heimdal can see me, if Father knows I'm here. More than before, I feel more powerless than ever"
Applejack smiles at him "Let me tell ya what I see: I don't see somepony who's petulant or arrogant, I see somepony who's gentle, chivalrous, and loyal. I see somepony who's learned his lesson. I see somepony who's worthy. I don't understand much of how the world works, but I believe there's a deeper meaning and purpose for everything that happens and that purpose is good. You will be back, Thor. To your family. To your kingdom. To your friends. Because you're worthy of them. If you don't have faith in that, have faith in your friend. With all his sweet-talk and smartness, he will take you out of here faster than a scalded cat"
"I appreciate your kind words of encouragement, noble apple harvester" Thor smiles softly "But we're dependant on the Lady of Tricks, and she does not seem very likely to help us…"
In that instant, the wagon doors open, as Trixie and Rainbow Stark step outside
"In her infinite compassion, the Great and Powerful Trixie decided to help you, peasants" Trixie declares with a solemn face.
Applejack frowns, but Thor beams and holds Trixie in a tight hug, leaving her disconcerted "Thank you! Thank you so much!" he soon realizes she's feeling uncomfortable and releases the grip "I apologize. What I meant to say is that I'm delighted you'll be joining us in our quest, clement Lady of Tricks" he grabs Trixie's hoof and kisses it.
"Seriously, Thor. You need to stop doing that" Stark says "Sooner or later, someone is gonna sue you for sexual harassment. Believe me, I know"
Trixie, however, seemed to be really enjoying the treatment "Why do you want Twilight back, again?"
"Trixie!" Applejack yells
"Ok, Ok, I'll honor the deal"
As they begin their journey back, Applejack approaches Stark "Listen, Stark… About what Trixie said earlier…"
"You want to tell me your side of the events, because the way she told her story made it sound like you and your friends are a bunch of assholes and you want to assure me you're not" Stark completes her sentence "Don't worry. Pinkie already told me this story this morning. I didn't believe her then because of all the random crap she babbled about makes it difficult to distinguish fact from fantasy but, if what she told me is true, you guys had every right to be mad. Sure, you may have overreacted a little bit, or maybe not, but she was the one who started to talk shit, she was the one who downright challenged you, and she was the one who decided to play victim because her bullshit was thrown back into her face. Believe me, I know the type. Maybe she didn't deserve all that, maybe she also has the right to be mad. But, is clear she didn't learn anything. Humiliation is supposed to humble. She needs to be a little more modest"
Applejack smirks "Well, thanks for understanding, but ya could take ya own advice now, couldn't ya?"
"You want me to be modest? Why should I be modest? I have no reasons to be modest!" Stark says "She needs to be modest because she's not as good as she says. I am! I'm awesome, handsome, brilliant, and incredible. You want me to say I'm not? You want me to lie? Aren't you supposed to be the Element of Honesty? Shame on you!"
Applejack shots him an annoyed look "Ya know, Stark? I think I'm starting to hate ya again"
"I get that a lot" Stark says, indifferent "You want me to use my charm again? Better yet, just remember it! That tender moment we had. I bet you'll have that memory forever, to warm you in those cold, lonely nights"
Applejack blushes and then frowns "Scratch that. I already hate ya!"
"Yeah" Stark chuckled "Keep telling yourself that, Pepper Jr."
Before long, they arrived at the library.
"Finally, you're here!" Spike greets them "We were beginning to get worried and… Hey, what she's doing here?" Spike points at Trixie, irritated
"Didn't miss you either, gem licker" Trixie replies
"The Lady of Tricks will help solve our tribulation" Thor answers
"Yeah, we tried Rarity first, but she said she was tired and mediocre. At least that was what I understood" Stark says, pulling the design out of his bag "She draws really nice, though. Taking these stupid fashion frivolities out, I'm ready to forge my pony armor as soon as I get my hands into the necessary materials"
"Yeah… about that…" Fluttershy says "I've found a mine and I was wondering…"
"SURPRISE!" Pinkie appears out of nowhere with confetti, balloons and a banner saying 'HAPPY SEND THEM BACK TO HOME PORTAL STUFF THINGY' suddenly covering the entire library.
"HOLY SHIT!" Stark screams almost having a heart attack "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"
"It's a…
Happy Send Them Back To Home Portal Stuff Thingy
Everything's Gonna Be Back To Normal In A Wink-Winky
Take It From Tony
He Doesn't Like Being A Pony
He Thinks We're Stinky
How About We Prove Him Wrong?
Let's Party With Pinkie!" Pinkie finishes her song by blowing a party whistle on Stark's face
"I… What… How…" Stark mumbles, trying to catch his breath "W-where did you come from?"
"I was here all evening, silly" Pinkie answers "I've been arranging the party ever since you, Twilight, and Applejack left"
"You were?" Spike asks "How come we didn't see you?"
"Because I wanted it to be a surprise" Pinkie says "SURPRISE!"
"That… doesn't explain anything" Stark says
"What's happening?" Thor Sparkle asks, confused
"Oh, right. You haven't met yet" Stark says "Strawberry Shortcake, this is Thor in Twilight's body. Thor, this is a very crazy horse"
"Hi, Trot. I'm Pinkie Pie" Pinkie extends her hoof for a hoofshake "Nice to meet you"
Thor grabs Pinkie's hoof and kisses it "The pleasure is mine, Lady Pie"
Pinkie blushes and giggles "That rhymed"
"Seriously, Thor, stop kissing their hooves" Stark reprimands "You don't know where they've been!"
"He hasn't kissed my hoof…" Applejack muses out loud
"It's because he only does that to ladies" Stark quips, to which Applejack shoots him a death glare.
On the other side of the room, two ladybugs sit on a windowsill. Without anyone or anypony noticing, they open their wings, revealing a pair of watchful yellow eyes.
Discord had to pat himself on the back. Hexing the Elements of Harmony "just in case" was a stroke of genius! Sure, they didn't "malfunction" like he was hoping them to (he was really surprised when the Elements actually worked and imprisoned him in stone again), but this, this is just great!
Two of the Elements are gone forever! Luckily, Twilight didn't detect the hex before she herself was sent to another dimension. Now, nothing can stop him!
Oh, oh, let's not be so hasty. He was hasty last time, how much good did that do? One single day of freedom and back to the statue! Well, can you blame him? You too would be dying to cause some mayhem if you have been locked up for that many centuries. But he had his fix yesterday, already.
No, this time he's gonna be patient. This time he's gonna make it last.
He's gonna have plenty of time to drown Equestria in chaos once he makes sure that ALL Elements are sent to kingdom come.
Oh, my! He can barely wait!
Author's Note
Author's Notes: I just received my Avengers Assembled Tesseract Suitcase Blu-Ray Box Set HOLY SHIT!
It has all the movies in Blu-Ray, plus an extra disc of Special Features, and PROPS! OMG, So many props! Phil Coulson calling card, Aldrich Killian calling card (as seem on the flashback sequence on IM3), Steve Rogers' 4F, the first schematics of the Iron Man armor that Tony shows Yinsen on the cave, Natasha and Clint's files, Label of the Guarana factory that Bruce works for in TIH, Jane Foster security badge, "Donald Blake" driver's license, and so much other sweet shit, I can't believe it!
I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY! (The handle of the suitcase is ridiculously tiny and the secret website of secret stuff doesn't accept my ZIP code because I live outside the US BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT)
If this Box Set was a woman I would ask it to marry me.
And then it would laugh at my face and run away to Hawaii with someone who's richer and better looking.
And then I would be arrested, because since I ordered it on the internet to be delivered to me, this constitutes as Human Trafficking which is illegal.
I think I kind of messed up my metaphor...
(If it takes a while for me to update the next chapter is because I'm busy playing with my Tesseract replica like I'm 5 years old)
I went to a convenience store the other day and, on the bargain Blu-Ray shelves, they had the Twilight movie. And right next to it they had a Whitney Houston movie called Sparkle. It was definitely not on purpose (because Twilight has the Portuguese translated name in the cover, which kinda ruins the joke) but I found it hilarious.
Two things about the previous chapter:
1) If you want to know the rhythm of the "Happy Send Them Back To Home Portal Stuff Thingy" song, I wrote it humming Mary Poppins' "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious". (I can type Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious without looking it up. Is that a good thing?)
2) To make Rainbow Stark's Fairly Oddparents joke, I googled Jorgen and Trixie to make sure I got their names right. Here's a thing about me: when I google a character, I google it in 'Images' rather than the normal search. The very first page of Trixie Tang's Image search is composed almost entirely of pornographic fanart. I find that hilarious and telling. I'm not sure of what it's telling, but is definitely telling of something.
PS: According to the Special Features on the Avengers Assembled Box Set, Clint Barton was originally supposed to be in the Guarana Factory scene in The Incredible Hulk. (and they misspelled Heimdall's name)
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one'."
"To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it"
"I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival."
Excerpts from The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis
CHAPTER EIGHT
WELCOME TO THE BIG APPLE
"So, what's for dinner?" Dash arrives in the kitchen, rubbing her tummy.
"Well, considering that you're ponies, we assumed you're vegetarians" Pepper says "So, corn"
"I love corn!" Dash says, sitting on the table "Do you have cider?" Dash tries to reach a corn cob, but Twilight slaps her hand "Ouch! What's that for?"
"We shouldn't eat until everypony is here, Rainbow Dash" Twilight explains "Clint, Selvig, and Steve didn't arrive yet"
"Dr. Selvig is still tinkering with the cube downstairs. I'm not sure if Clint will be here. He probably will spend the night in the Helicarrier" Natasha says "I don't know about Steve, though"
"I'm afraid I must inform you" Jarvis interrupted them "that Captain Rogers seems to be having problems in the bathroom"
"TMI, Jarvis. TMI" Bruce says
"That's not the kind of problems I'm referring to, Dr. Banner" Jarvis said "He's panicking and doesn't seem to know how to unlock the door"
"Well... that's odd" Banner says "Couldn't you unlock it for him?"
"Yes, I could" Jarvis answers "But I don't think it would be recommendable for Captain Rogers to leave the bathroom alone on his current state of mind. Especially, considering that he's not Captain Rogers"
"What?!"
"According to my scan, Captain Rogers has suffered another inter-dimensional body exchange"
"And when were you planning to tell us that?" Banner asks
"I just did"
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Steve Rogers, who's now Applejack, screams, knocking on the bathroom's wooden door.
She gives another strong knock. So strong, it cracks a hole in the door, startling the people (and ponies) who were now on the other side.
"Calm down, Steve… or whoever you are" Bruce addresses Apple Rogers "I'll unlock the door… We ain't gonna hurt you…"
Apple Rogers takes a peek through the hole "W-who… what the hay are ya?"
"Don't be alarmed. We're friends" Bruce says unlocking the door
Before he can open it fully, Apple Rogers bursts through it, jumping over Bruce, pinning him down "WHAT ARE YA? WHAT Y'ALL DID TO ME? WHERE AM I?" she shouts
"Y-you are making me nervous" Bruce says, breathing heavily "Please, stop. You don't want to make me nervous…"
"Is that a threat?!" Apple Rogers shouts
"A friendly warning" Bruce says "Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry"
Apple Rogers sneers "Just ya know I've lassoed wild bulls that were scarier than y'all. Granny Smith didn't raise a fraidy cat"
"Believe me, I'm no wild bull" Bruce says, trying to keep his heart rate steady
"Applejack?" Twilight asks
Apple Rogers turns her head towards the caped man "I don't care who ya are or how ya know my name, but if ya take one more…"
"Applejack! It's me, Twilight!"
Apple Rogers just blinks "No, y're not"
"And why is that?" Tony Dash chimes in "Because she doesn't look like Twilight? Well, I don't look like Rainbow Dash and neither do you look like Applejack. But, still, you are Applejack, aren't you?"
"Twilight? Rainbow Dash?" Apple Rogers asks, tears forming into the corner of her eyes "Oh my gosh. I thought ya were gone forever" she says, hugging Twilight. Pepper just watches, smiling "Hey, y're lookin' good!" she says, talking about Thor's/Twilight's outfit.
"Heh, thanks" Twilight laughs
"What about me?" Tony Dash says, opening her arms "Do I receive a warm reception or not?"
"Oh, Rainbow Dash, I…" Apple Rogers run to Dash's arms, but stopped in her tracks. "I… I'm very happy to see ya again" she shakes Dash's hand, displaying a nervous, forced smile.
Dash shoots her an annoyed look "That's it?! A hoofshake?! That's all I get? Do I have chicken pox or something?"
"Uh… no, of course not" Apple Rogers says, and reluctantly hugs Tony Dash
"That's more like it!" Dash says with a smile, still hugging her friend
Apple Rogers sweats nervously. Darn ya, Stark, for making me feel uncomfortable about hugging my own friend she thinks, keeping her pelvis as far as possible from Tony Dash's
"Wait a minute…" she suddenly says "Ya Tony Stark, right? This is his body, right? His face, right?"
"Yeah" Tony Dash chuckles "I'm all Stark now. Why, did you—?"
POW!
Tony Dash is propelled to the other side of the room, knocked hard by the punch Apple Rogers delivered to her face
"TONY!" Pepper screams
"Applejack!" Twilight shouts, shocked
"Oh, my gosh!" Apple Rogers says "I'm powerful sorry, Rainbow Dash. I didn't know I was this strong…"
"WHAT THE HAY WAS THAT FOR?" Tony Dash shouts, trying to get up with a bleeding nose
"I'm sorry! Is just that… I wanted to be sure that, once Stark was back on his body, his face wouldn't be so 'unharmed and handsome'"
"Well, once we're back, I'll make sure your face won't be so pretty either" Dash says, annoyed
"I said I was sorry"
"Look, Applejack" Twilight says "I'm sure that Stark may have been a pain to you while I was gone, but trust me, he's not that bad"
"Not that bad? And how would ya know that?"
"His friends told me"
"Friends?"
"Applejack, right?" Pepper addresses her "Look, I'm sure that Tony did something to deserve that kind of reaction, and I know how this whole situation must be so confusing and frightening to you…"
"Yeah, it really is confu—"
SLAP!
Apple Rogers stares in shock at Pepper who just delivered a strong slap in her now stinging cheek.
"…but no one, no one hurts my Tony" Pepper concluded "Now, are you hungry? Dinner's on the table. Hope you like corn"
"Y-yeah, I… I am... I like corn..." Apple Rogers mumbled, still in shock, caressing her cheek and following the group to the kitchen.
"So, you're the famous Applejack, huh?" Bruce says
"Famous?" Apple Rogers says, confused
"Rainbow Dash talked a lot about you on her first hours here" Bruce explains "She was worried we did something to you. You have a very loyal friend"
"Yeah, that's Rainbow Dash" she said with a smile "Sorry for tacklin' ya, by the way"
"Yeah, about that" Bruce says "I was serious. Don't make me angry. I don't want to sound threatening, but it's a really bad idea to make me angry"
"Uh… okay" Apple says in a mix of confusion, suspicion, and curiosity
As they arrive in the kitchen, they see Clint sitting on the table, eating corn.
"Hey, I was wondering where you guys were" Clint says with his mouth full
Dash shots Twilight an annoyed look, as if complaining for her not letting her eat.
"Clint! I thought you would stay in the Helicarrier" Natasha says
"Oh, yeah… I don't know what I was thinking!" Clint replies "Why would I trade those marvelous standard military meals and tiny, barely comfortable bunks for this crude homemade food and cheap Egyptian silk beds that Stark has? I should totally have stayed in the Helicarrier"
"Who's that?" Apple Rogers says "Actually, who's everypony? I didn't get their names..."
"That's Clint, Applejack" Twilight says "He's one of Stark's friends"
"What? Wait… I knew it!" Clint says "I asked him if he was feeling like eating hay, but he didn't listen. I knew he would be swapped! Are you another girl pony?"
"Uh… yes, I am" Apple Rogers says
"Is there any boys in your group?" Natasha asks
"Not really" Apple Rogers says "Unless you count Spike"
"Okay" Natasha says, raising her hand "Who wanna bet that, when my turn comes, I'll be swapped with this Spike guy?"
"Let's hope there is no next turn" Bruce says "Say, Applejack, did Tony managed to un-jam the portal?"
"Un-jam?"
"Dear Celestia! Discord!" Twilight suddenly exclaims "Applejack! How's things back home? Did you capture Discord?"
"Discord?" Apple Rogers asks "We defeated him yesterday! Don't ya remember? Did the mind swap give ya magnesia?"
"Amnesia" Twilight corrects
"That too?!"
"No! I didn't forget anything, Applejack" Twilight says "We believe he escaped his stone prison"
"That's ridiculous!" Apple Rogers rebuts "He didn't escape! If he did, I think I'd notice it. I think everypony would notice it. Why do ya think he escaped?"
"Loki said there was an aura of chaos disrupting the portal" Twilight explains "And the only thing I know that can—"
"Loki?" Apple Rogers interrupts "You mean Thor's brother?"
"Exactly!" Twilight said
"The pony molester?" Apple Rogers continues
Clint chokes on his water.
"Pony molester?" Tony Dash asks
"That's what Stark said" Apple continues "He said that Thor's brother would molest us if he was there"
"I believe Mr. Stark was making a debatably amusing reference to the myth of Sleipnir"
"Oh my gosh! Who's that?" Apple Rogers shouts
"I'm Jarvis, Madam"
"Are ya a ghost?" Apple asks, still shaken
"Yes"
"JARVIS!" Pepper yells "Don't mind Jarvis, Applejack, he's just joking. He's not a ghost, he's a computer"
"COMPUTERS CAN'T JOKE!" Apple Rogers shouts
"Stark's computers can!" Twilight, Dash, Clint, Natasha, and Steve said almost in unison.
"I must protest to being referred as simply another one of Master Stark's computers" Jarvis said in an almost insulted tone "I'm unique and I would like you to acknowledge that"
"Shoot!" Apple says "So… he's a computer? A computer that can joke?"
"That's nothing!" Dash says "Jarvis, show her one of those holo-whatever!"
"Anything specific you desire?"
"What you got?"
"How about 2010 New Year's Celebration in Times Square?"
"Sure. Shoot it!"
"As you wish"
As soon as he said that, the room was invaded by holographic fireworks, with loud cheers, and people singing and laughing. Apple Rogers looks dumbfounded by all. Dash displays a look of pure glee.
"This. Is. AWESOME!" she shouts "Twilight, I want a Jarvis! You can make me a Jarvis, right?"
"Uh… sure" Twilight, who was anything but sure, answered Dash
"Sweet!"
As the holographic presentation ends, Apple Rogers stutters "T-this w-was… it was… Stark made this?!"
"Yeah…" Twilight says in a tone that made it sound like she was accepting defeat "He really is everything he said he was… he's a genius"
"…and famous" Dash says
"…and rich" Twilight continues
"…and handsome" Apple Rogers concludes
All eyes turn to her "You think he's handsome?" Twilight asks
Apple Rogers blushes "N-no! Of course not! Imagine that" she gives in an incredibly bad forced smile. Remember what I said in the first chapter about her being a shitty liar? "So… about Discord and that Loki fella..." she desperately tries to change the subject.
"Uh… yeah, Loki said there was an aura of chaos preventing the portal to revert everypony back" Twilight explains "He said it was coming from our side. You sure Discord isn't free?"
"Twilight, it's Discord" Apple Rogers says "Do ya really think he wouldn't make himself known if he was free?"
"Well, whether it's Discord or not, it's now up to Stark to solve everything" Dash says "We can't do anything from this side"
"…and I don't know what Stark can do without me" Twilight says "He needs somepony who's skilled in magic not only to power up the gems but also to dissipate whichever kind of magic is disrupting the portal"
"Well, Rarity could…" Dash starts
"Rarity declined" Apple interrupts "She didn't think she was good enough… That's why Stark made a deal with Trixie…"
"WHAT?!" Dash shouts
"Trixie?!" Twilight asks, dumbfounded
"How could he make a deal with that… that… ARGH!" Dash screams, angry and frustrated "What kind of deal? Why did you let him do it?"
"We had our hooves tied!" Apple protests "She was our only hope to get ya guys out of here!"
"And it worked splendidly, didn't it?" Dash sneered "That's what you get having that phony help you…"
"Yeah, because when Twilight did it, it all went fine, right?" Apple Rogers retorts "No offense, Twilight"
"None taken, Applejack" Twilight says "It's obvious that it was the aura of chaos and not Trixie who…"
"You're defending her?!" Dash shouts "Why the hay are you two defending her?!"
"Excuse me" Banner interrupts "I'm sensing some bad blood here. What's your problem with this Trixie girl?"
"Trixie is… well… she makes magic shows" Twilight says
"SHE SHOWS OFF!" Dash shouts "She's an attention seeker! And a liar too! She kept saying that she was better than everypony else and tried to humiliate us! She's an annoying mule!"
"Wait, that's it?" Natasha asks
"I'd rather be stuck here forever than to owe anything to that attention horse" Dash frowns
"Well, Loki brainwashed Clint and Selvig to do his bidding, caused our NASA facility to cave in, killing 80 of our fellow agents, he later stabbed a man in the eye, killing him, tried to kill an old man who dared to oppose him, almost destroyed the Helicarrier, promised me he would force Clint to kill me and then free him from his spell just so he would know what he did before Loki could 'split his skull'. After this, he tried to kill Stark, he tried to kill Thor, his own brother, and he stabbed a close friend of ours in the back. And I didn't even mention the war he started to enslave us which caused the deaths of millions of innocent civilians. And this afternoon we asked him for help" Natasha says "So, yeah, I'd say our 'Deal with the Devil' is a little worse than yours"
Twilight gulps. She already knew Loki was bad news, but this? How can somepony be so… so cruel? She has faced evil before, but not even close to this scale.
Apple gasps, shocked. Loki did all that? All those horrible things? And to top it off, he's a molester too?
Dash hangs her head in shame "I-I guess I overreacted… I'm sorry…"
After a few moments of silence, Banner speaks "Let's not talk about this right now. We're all tired and it was a long day for everyone and everypony. Let's eat"
"Oh, so you're going to eat without me, huh?" Erik Selvig says, arriving at the kitchen
Everyone just stares at him in silence. Apple Rogers looks puzzled.
"What? Is anything wrong?" Selvig asks "Did I miss something?"
"Oh, boy" Bruce sighs
After they explain everything to Selvig, and Apple Rogers is finally introduced to everyone whose name she didn't catch, they eat. Twilight and Dash keep trying to talk with Apple about how things are back home, but she's most dismissive. There's something wrong. She's happy for seeing her friends again, but… she's not seeing them again! That's not how they look! That's not how they sound! There's nothing that tells her that those are really Rainbow Dash and Twilight other than their word. And she trusts their word. But… how do you expect her to stop missing them, when she can't see them; when she can't hear them? They're here but they might as well not. Stuck forever in strange bodies with strange faces. This is wrong! This doesn't feel right! Why? Why couldn't everything go back to normal?
After they finish eating, they say their goodnights. Apple Rogers gives Twilight and, reluctantly again, Dash a tight hug, and goes to Steve Rogers' bedroom, guided by Natasha. Lying down in the bed, Apple Rogers is restless. This was a horrible day. Rainbow Dash disappeared, somepony named Stark was in her place, he insulted Twilight, made her cry, and made her disappear too. And now she's in a stranger's body in a strange world full of strange creatures, far from home, far from her friends, far from her family. No way to know if she'll ever be back. If she'll ever see her friends again. If she'll ever see her little sister's smile when she gets her Cutie Mark. She wonders what it could be. Powerless and exiled. She finally knows how Thor feels…
She closes her eyes, wishing that all of this was nothing but a horrible nightmare, wishing that, once she opens her eyes again, everything will be back to normal…
Hey, Applejack! Wake up!
"What…?" Applejack mumbles, rubbing her eyes.
"Wake-wakey, you ate too much cakey"
Applejack opens her eyes to see Twilight and Pinkie looking at her "I-I'm back?"
"You're back!" Pinkie shouts with a smile.
"Ya… you're not Thor?" she asks Twilight
"Who? Me? No" Twilight chuckles "If anypony here is tore, it's you"
"Me? I…" Applejack looks at her hooves… they're hooves! She's Applejack again! No longer Apple Rogers! "I'm back!"
"Yeah… uh… You already said that" Twilight says
"She's loco in the coco" Pinkie audibly whispers to Twilight
"But… how? How did I came back?"
"Back from where, Applejack?" Twilight asks
"The Man world!"
"What's the mane world?" Twilight asks "An amusement park?"
"I told you she ate too much cake" Pinkie says
"Applejack, we didn't go to an amusement park" Twilight continues "The party was here, remember?"
"Party? What party?"
"Your birthday party, silly" Pinkie says "You ate so much cake yesterday that you went KAPLOFT in the floor!"
"My birthday? Yesterday? No! Yesterday wasn't my birthday!" Applejack protests "Yesterday we defeated Discord!"
"Who's Discord?" Twilight asks confused
"The brother of Discard and Concord" Pinkie giggles
"What?" Applejack shouts "What do ya mean who's Discord? The big, mean chaos-maker! He almost destroyed our friendship! He almost destroyed Equestria! H-he… got rid of Rainbow Dash and…"
"Applejack, calm down" Twilight comforts her "There is no Discord. Nopony got sent anywhere. It was just a nightmare"
"A-a nightmare?"
"Yeah, you ate too much jack, Applecake" Pinkie says a third time
A nightmare? Could it be? I don't remember a party at all...
"But… it was so real…" Applejack continues "We had to use the Elements of Harmony to defeat Discord and then Rainbow Dash's necklace shot a burst of light and then she was no longer Rainbow... She was somepony else… And then ya were somepony else too…"
"That's a really crazy dream" Twilight says
"It didn't feel like a dream! It was… it was horrible!" Applejack hugs her two friends tight
"There, there" Twilight pats her in the back "It's all over now"
Applejack tears up with happiness "Ya guys wouldn't believe how crazy it was. I was traded next, and I arrived in this weird world ruled by creatures that stand on their hind hooves, have all the same pale pinkish skin like a bunch of zombies, and have these meaty finger-like sticks on their hooves. And ya were there too, Twilight, with Rainbow Dash, but ya didn't look like ya, ya were one of them and so was I. And we would stay like that forever, because ya didn't have ya magic, and Rainbow didn't have her wings and we couldn't come back…"
"Well, whatever that place was, it sounds awful" Applejack turns her head to see Rainbow Dash arriving through the door "I'm glad you're here, Applejack"
"Oh, Rainbow Dash, I'm so glad ya are here, too!" Applejack says, hugging her friend
"No, you don't understand" Rainbow Dash says, softly "I'm very glad you're here"
"What do ya mean?" Applejack asks, confused. She gets her answer with a shock as Rainbow Dash starts to lick her face.
Apple Rogers wakes up, flushed and sweating "DARN YA, STARK!" she screams
She turns to look at the digital clock in the wall: 04:58 AM. Groaning, she gets up.
She moves towards the kitchen, wanting to grab herself a snack, when she sees an eerie blue glow coming from the living room. Once she arrives, she finds Bruce Banner alone, studying a holographic schematic of Stark's chest reactor.
Bruce sees her "Oh, hi there"
"Hi" Apple Rogers greets back "Trouble sleeping?"
"Was about to ask you the same thing"
"I live in a farm. We get up early" she says. Well, it is true…
"Of course" Bruce says
"And you?"
"I'm studying the reactor to see if…" Bruce pauses "Actually, I'm afraid to go to sleep…"
Apple is surprised "Ya are? Why?"
"It's the first time in months that I share a roof with someone else" Bruce explains "I worry that if I sleep… I could have a nightmare…"
"That's it?!" Apple chuckles "Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh… But… everypony have nightmares every now and then, it's nothing to—"
"You don't get it" Bruce says "If I have a nightmare, it could put everyone here in danger!"
"So, if ya have a nightmare, you endanger everypony?" Apple's confused. This Bruce Banner is an enigma "So, ya don't sleep?"
"Of course I sleep" Bruce says "I have to. Lack of sleep makes one irritable and easy to anger, and I can't. Be. Angry. So, of course I sleep. But, usually, I try to avoid sleeping when others are around. So, no one can get hurt if I…" Bruce takes a look at Apple Rogers, who seems slightly disturbed "Am I scaring you?"
Apple makes a 'kinda' movement with her head.
"I wish I could say you shouldn't be afraid of me… but that would be a lie…"
"Can I be honest?" Apple says "Ya don't seem dangerous. I mean, lookin' at ya, I don't think ya would ever harm anypony"
Bruce gives in a sad smile "Well, looks can be deceiving. We all have our inner monsters…"
"Is that the problem?" Apple asks "Did ya do something bad? We all make mistakes, but we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. Don't be so hard on ya"
Bruce chuckles "You're reminding me of Tony"
"Hey! No need for insults!" Apple says in a playful manner
Bruce smiles "He's been difficult to you, hasn't he?"
"That's an understatement"
"He has a good heart though"
"You're the second… uh… man to tell me that"
"Thor?" Bruce asks
"Yeah. Tell me: how did ya guys became friends? I mean, Stark is so infuriating…"
"Well, I have practice trying not to be infuriated, so that may have helped" Bruce laughs "But, he never demonstrated to be scared of me… and, for once, that was nice…"
"I'm not scared of ya either" Apple says "Does that make us friends?"
"Maybe" Bruce smiles "The difference is that Stark knew what I could do. You don't"
"And what can you do, Mr. Mystery?"
Bruce pauses for a few seconds "Pancakes" he says
"What?" Apple asks, confused
"I'm hungry. Do you like pancakes? I'll make some for us"
"Ya cook?"
"I find it relaxing"
Nearly two hours later, Twilight Odinson and Tony Dash woke up and met on the hallway. Going towards the kitchen, they hear some chatter…
"He gave ya a shock?! And ya were okay with it?!"
"He was just teasing me. It's what he does"
"If it was me, I would have kicked him"
"What? None of your friends ever played a prank on you?"
"Well, yeah, but… Stark's not my friend!"
"Well, he is my friend"
"But… ya said ya just met when he shocked ya!"
"Well…" Bruce stops when he sees Dash and Twilight "Hey there! You're hungry? We made pancakes"
"Uh… sure" Twilight says, taking a seat next to Apple Rogers
"I have some orange juice too" Bruce says "Want some?"
"Just water, thanks"
"Water for me too" Dash says, taking a seat on Apple's left
"As you wish" Bruce says, giving them two glasses of water and some pancakes "Well, I think the three friends have some catch up to do, so I'll leave you girls alone" and so he does.
"I don't understand why he thinks he's so dangerous" Apple said, after Bruce left "He seems like such a nice fella"
"Apparently, he has a condition of some sort" Twilight says "At least, that's what he told us yesterday"
"Well, he left us alone so we would catch up on things, so let's do just that" Dash says "How are things back home? You didn't talk much last night…"
"I… I just didn't want to talk about it…" Apple sighs
"Why? Is it because of Stark?" Twilight asks her friend "Was he insulting you again? I know it must be hard, but…"
"Insultin' me? Worse than that" Apple Rogers interrupts "He was complimentin' me…"
Tony Dash and Twilight Odinson changed confused glances "And that's... bad?" Dash asks
"It's the way he said it"
"And how did he say it?" asked Twilight
"Well…" Apple Rogers starts "First, he apologized for being a jerk, then he said I was a very loyal friend, full of good character and with a nice physique… and then… well… he said it would be nice to trot under the moonlight and then something happened… actually, it didn't. It almost did, but it didn't... It's not important. Let's skip this part"
Dash and Twilight stare quizzically at her
"Anyways" she continues, sweating nervously "He went back to his 'normal' way for a while when we went to talk with Trixie, but still a little nicer than he was before. Then, on our way back, I tried to start a conversation with him and it was nice for a while, but then he became a jerk again and I said it to him! I shouldn't have… because it got worse. In between his usual insults, he would talk about tender moments we had, or about how beautiful I was… and just before I fainted to wake up here, he kissed me in the cheek and called me 'sugar cube'…"
"Oh… wow…" is all Twilight manages to say
"He was flirting with you?" Dash asks and laughs out loud "Applejack has a love-er"
"He was flirtin' with me while he was ya" Applejack replies
"Oh" Dash says "oh" she repeats, thoughtful "OH!" she shouts as the implications sank in
"Is that why you were acting so uncomfortable near Rainbow?" Twilight asks
"He knew it would make me uncomfortable. That's why he kept doing it"
"If I ever put my hooves on him…" Tony Dash says. She looks at her clenched fist. After a few seconds, she punches herself in the face "OUCH! This hurts! This was stupid! Why did I do this?"
"Yeah, Stark's a pest" Twilight says "He was just trying to make you feel embarrassed"
"I know but… it kinda messed with me, ya know?"
"Hey, he was just pulling your hoof" Dash says "If it will make you more comfortable to be around me: I, Rainbow Dash, solemnly declare that I am not attracted to you, Applejack"
"Of course ya not! That's ridiculous…"
"It's something else that's bothering you" Twilight remarks
Apple blushes "I-I had a dream…"
"So…?" Twilight asks
"…with Rainbow…"
"What…" Twilight looks confused, but, slowly, realization sinks in "Oh… that kind of dream?"
"Ye—No! I mean… it wasn't like that… I…"
"Wait... You had a dream… with me?" Dash asks
Apple Rogers mumbles something incomprehensible.
"Oh my gosh! You are attracted to me!" Dash says with a laugh
"NO, I'M NOT" Apple Rogers shouts angry and blushing
"It's okay, Applejack" Dash says "Even though I'm sad with the end of our friendship, I understand. I'm astoundingly beautiful. You just couldn't resist"
"Ya know" Apple Rogers frowns "I'm starting to think ya and Stark deserve each other"
"She and Stark deserve each other?" Twilight asks "But I thought you were Stark's marefriend"
"Twilight! You too?" Apple Rogers says
"Sorry" Twilight says, trying to hide her smile
"I should be the one apologizing, Twilight" Dash says, barely keeping a straight face "I should know better than to release my charms. They have wrecked homes before. You could be the next victim. Run while there's time"
"It wasn't ya charms!" Apple Rogers says, annoyed "It was Stark's!"
"So, you admit to be in love with Stark?" Tony Dash teased
"NO!" Apple Rogers shouts
"You have to choose, Applejack. You can't have both" Twilight says, tears already falling through the corner of her eyes as she bites her lip, trying not to laugh
"I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH ANYPONY!"
"Denial" Twilight Odinson and Tony Dash say in unison
"ARGH!" Apple Rogers screams frustrated "Just one minute ago, ya were mad at Stark, and now ya are doing this?! Why?!"
"Calm down, Applejack" Dash says with a smile "We're just teasing you. It's what friends do"
He was just teasing me. It's what he does. Bruce's words echo in her head. Could it be that all those annoying quips were Stark's misguided way to try and reach their friendship?
"Teasin' is what friends do, huh?" Apple Rogers says "So ya girls think that Stark may have been tryin' to befriend us with all his stupid jokes?"
"I don't know. Never met the guy" Dash says "I keep hearing conflicting stories about his character…"
"Well, it could be" Twilight says, trying to keep an open mind about Stark "Some ponies have very weird ways to demonstrate affection…"
"Yeah… maybe he truly likes me… US! Maybe he truly likes us!" Apple says
"Tony Stark and Applejack sitting in a tree…" Dash starts to sing
"…K-I-C-K-I-N-G ya face if ya don't stop this" Apple Rogers says, angry
"Ok, ok, I'll stop" Dash says "We're still friends?"
Apple mockingly looks like she's considering it before smiling "Of course, ya dummy"
"Friends forever?" Twilight raises her glass
"Friends forever!" they toast with their water glasses
"Ok, now, give me a kiss" Tony Dash tells Apple Rogers
Apple throws the water of her glass on Dash's face "Jerk!"
Dash and Twilight laugh while Apple frowns. After a few seconds, she starts to laugh too and holds her two friends under her arms "I missed ya guys" she says
Dash and Twilight wink at each other and empty their glasses on Apple's head "Missed you too!" they say in unison
"Hey! You're gonna wet the pancakes!" the still giggling friends turn to see Clint arriving at the kitchen "You may like wet pancakes back where you're from, but here, on the civilized world, we like them dry and hot, maybe with honey and/or butter on top, thank you very much"
It didn't take long for everyone else to arrive and have their breakfast. The three friends spent most of the time talking about trivial things and what they found most bewildering about this new world.
"So, when are we gonna try to go back, anyways?" Apple Rogers finally says
Bruce sighs "Dr. Selvig and I have been studying the machinery inside out. The only breakthrough we had is that it would be possible to sustain the portal indefinitely without a power source once we charge it up long enough. But the only thing that would do is create a self-sustaining portal that keeps switching people. As long as your side is jammed, we can't do anything from here"
"Says who?" Apple says
"Applejack, the portal is blocked by Equestria's side" Twilight says "What can we do?"
"Back in Sweet Apple Acres, when the barn doors are stuck and there's nopony inside to unblock it" Apple says "I kick and kick until I force it open"
"I don't see how this—"
"Wait! She may have a point" Bruce says
"She does?" Twilight asks
"Yeah, why can't we try to dissipate the aura from here?" Bruce says "If we can connect to another dimension, why can't we push our way in?"
"But how?" Clint asks
"Loki. How else?" Bruce answers
They were still discussing it, but Twilight wasn't paying attention. Dissipate it from this side… Why not? How come she didn't think of that? How come they didn't even try it? It's such an obvious solution! It was the logical next step! It's… It's…
…a deduction anyone with even an average intelligence could make
…a deduction Applejack made. They were just going to sit around and wait. She was just going to sit around and wait! She just accepted that it was useless, without questioning it, because they told her so...
I told you, Stark. It's useless. There's nothing in the books that…
...and she just sat around and waited. She, with all her knowledge, couldn't come up with that simple idea, while Applejack could. It's a problem none of them smarty-pants had encountered before, and the humble farmer came with the answer. They would waste days trying to understand the portal and all Applejack had to do was compare it to the barn doors of her farm…
Someone who's intelligent can apply the knowledge they acquired in previous experiences to solve a completely new problem
Maybe Stark is right… Maybe she's not as intelligent as she liked to believe…
"So, it's settled, then" Clint says "We contact Fury to get our little magic prisoner down here again to see if he can hocus pocus our way in"
As they move to the living room to contact SHIELD by Jarvis' holographic screen, Bruce notices Twilight looking a bit down.
"Is everything okay?" he asks
"Applejack is smarter than me…" she says
"If you say so" Bruce says
"I always fancied myself the brains of our gang, but… this was so obvious! It went right over my head! I'm so dumb!"
"Hey! I didn't think about it either until your friend suggested it. Do you think I'm dumb? I don't think I'm dumb. I don't feel dumb. Just because someone can get to a conclusion before you do, doesn't mean you're dumb. Why do you think you're dumb?"
"Stark said that I just know what I read… that I can't think for myself… that I can't get to a conclusion unless it's in a book…"
"Tony thinks everyone is dumber than him"
"Yeah, but… he's right, you know" Twilight says, with a faint smile "He is smarter than everypony else"
"I guess" Bruce laughs "But let me tell you something… You're letting him get to you. You shouldn't. He's testing you. If he quips, you quip back. Don't apologize, don't explain yourself. Don't try to put him in his place because you're gonna fail. Hard. Just play along. That's the only way you're gonna gain his respect"
"Thanks" Twilight smiled "I'll try to remember that"
"Ponies? What do you mean they're ponies?"
"We're not saying that they're ponies" Nick Fury addresses the members of the World Security Council "While Deputy Hill did hear the alien entities being referred to as ponies and horses by Loki and Captain Rogers, we believe it may just be that their race have attributes that are similar to our equine species. It doesn't mean that they're actually horses"
The World Security Council was a council dedicated to world security. Duh. They were the big shots and the bosses of Nick Fury and SHIELD. They usually communicate with Fury through video-conference in badly-lit rooms. The badly-lit rooms are not to conceal their identity or to add mystery, but to save in electricity. Hey, you too would try to save as much as you can after you blew a shitload of money to build an invisible flying aircraft carrier!
The WSC main activities are:
1) Skyping in the dark
2) Annoying Nick Fury
3) Making stupid-ass decisions
"Director Fury" a councilmember said "This whole thing is overblown already. We have our hands full dealing with the criminal Loki and the damage control. We didn't need some stupid inter-dimensional body transference on top of that"
"I'm sorry if the works of fate are being inconvenient to you, sir" Nick Fury replies
"No need for insubordination, Director Fury" the councilwoman said "You are in serious danger of being demoted after disobeying our orders two days ago, so ,I'd suggest you…"
"If I had followed your orders, we would be calling the City of New York 'Ground Zero' right about now" Fury replies "So, I'd suggest you'd trust my judgment for once, and try to solve our problem without causing a nuclear holocaust"
The Council stays silent for a moment "Don't forget who gave you this position, Director Fury" one of them finally says
"And don't forget why you did" Fury replies "Will that be all?"
"For now" the Council finishes their transmission. Right before the last screen blacks out, Fury can hear one of them scoff "Ponies…"
Nick Fury massages his temples, trying to relax. God, he hates these motherfuckers.
"Sir, we are receiving a signal from the Stark Tower" Maria Hill informs
"Put it on the screen" the screen lights up, and showcases everyone in the Stark Tower living room "Nick Fury here. You have something to report?"
Something to report? This reminds Twilight that she would have a lot to report about to Princess Celestia once she's back.
"Yes, sir" Clint says "We believe we've found a possible…"
"Are ya a pirate?" Apple Rogers interrupts
Fury facepalms "I'm NOT a pirate! Please, tell me this is a joke and Rogers didn't become another horse. If this is a joke, what the hell is wrong with you all? Grow up"
"This is Applejack, sir" Bruce explains "She's the one who gave us the idea that we may be able to use Loki to dissipate the magic barrier from this end"
"Any reason you didn't try this yesterday?"
"We… hadn't thought about it yesterday"
"And they call themselves genius…" Fury says under his breath "So, you guarantee that if we send Loki down this time, everything will be back to normal?"
"Guarantee? No… I mean…" Bruce starts
"It's our best shot, sir" Clint says
Fury ponders for a second "Alright. Barton, come aboard. You'll escort Hill and Loki down. Over"
"Over and out, sir"
"With all due respect, sir" Hill says, after the transmission ends "I'm a big girl. I don't need Agent Barton to…"
"HILL!" Fury shouts "This is not about whether you can defend yourself or not! I'm not, I repeat, NOT gonna let an agent of mine alone with the magic sociopath! Is that clear?"
"Y-yes, sir" Hill answers, slightly surprised by Fury's outburst
A few minutes later, Hill and Barton arrive at Loki's cell
"You know" Loki says with a smirk "I've never felt as requested as I did these last days. I think I should try to enslave worlds more often… Was there another swap?"
"Yes. But that's not why we're here" Hill says "We want you to…"
"Who got swapped?" Loki asks
"Why do you want to know?" Clint asks
"Curiosity"
"It was Rogers" Hill answers
"Oh, the soldier…" Loki begins to muse to himself
"As we were saying, we need you to come back down, so you can stabilize the portal and…"
"Actually, Dr. Selvig already found way to make the portal self-sustainable, we just…" Clint says
"Oh, he did?" Loki says, suddenly very interested "Still, self-sustainable or not, there's still the issue of the aura of Chaos, so I don't see what good…"
"Dr. Banner believes that you may be able to dissipate the aura from this side" Hill says
Loki gives in a look of someone who was caught doing something naughty, but is still proud of it.
Clint notices it "You could do it all along, couldn't you, you bastard?"
Loki flinches at the mention of the word 'bastard' but quickly goes back to his cool demeanor "Yes, I could"
"You could!" Clint yells outraged "You knew it all along! And yet, you did…"
"I did nothing" Loki says with a smirk "Just like I told the good doctor"
"You son of a bitch…"
"Easy, Barton" Hill says "Now that we know he can do it, he can't delay us anymore"
"You still want to take me to the tower?" Loki asks, smiling "You sure that's a good idea?"
"Why? It almost sounds like you don't want to get out of here" Hill remarks
"Oh, But I do" Loki answers "I just want you to be aware of the exact moment you committed the worst mistake of your life"
"I don't like the sound of that" Clint remarked, apprehensive
"It's all bark, Barton" Hill said, showing the Shock Collar control on her hand "We have this one on the leash"
Loki smiles.
Minutes later, Clint was piloting the Quinjet back to Stark Tower, with Hill and Loki sitting opposite each other, Loki ever smiling. After they land on the roof, Loki moves towards the building access door with Clint and Hill following. Suddenly, he stops.
"Keep moving, Loki" Maria says
Loki doesn't move.
"I said MOVE!" Hill tries to push Loki, but her hand passes right through him, as his image flicker and disappear
"SHIT!" it's all Clint is able to say before Loki appears behind him and gives him a punch in the face.
In the same fraction of second, Loki grabs Hill's wrist and twists it, making her scream in pain and drop the control.
Clint recovers and counter-attacks, but Loki grabs his arm, throw him over his back, and stamps Clint in the face, rendering him unconscious.
Maria reaches the control, but Loki steps into her hand "Oh, no, you won't" putting all his weight on that foot, Loki crushes the control, hurting her hand, and, using the other foot, kicks Hill hard in the head, causing her to spit blood and pass out.
"Filthy quim" Loki says, ripping the collar off of his neck, and climbing down the stairs to meet the others.
Author's Note
MARVEL FUN FACTS: (Bear with me. This will be a lengthy one... or just skip it all together)
TWILIGHT
Outside the mainstream Marvel Universe (Earth-616) there are many alternate universes like the Ultimates (Earth-1610) and the MCU (Earth-199999). In the middle of those alternate realities, there was Earth-148611, also known as the New Universe, where life was mostly normal until a White Event gave random people across the globe super-powers. One of those people was Lenore Fenzl, an elderly retired Latin teacher.
The first symptom of her mutation was a patch of grey skin. Worried, she showed it to one of the retirement home's healthcare assistants, who ended up losing consciousness, the same happened to a doctor. It turns out that her skin patch exhaled radiation that could steal people's energy, tranquilizing them and revitalizing her, thus making her younger. Much to her dismay, the grey discoloration grew to cover her whole body and give out a bright, blinding light. To prevent her powers from hurting her loved ones, Lenore covers herself head to toe in a grayish-purple trenchcoat, gloves, hat, shades and scarf.
Fenzl became a patient at the Clinic for Paranormal Research, where all people affected by the White Event were brought to. After finding out that the Director of the Clinic, Philip Nolan Voigt, was using the patients for his own nefarious schemes, Lenore and six other patients who she befriended escaped.
They were henceforth called the "Displaced Paranormal Seven". Lenore took the codename "Twilight".
They were recaptured however and mentally conditioned to never run away again. Except for David Landers, one of the DP7 who was immune to mind manipulation, who was able to freed his friends from the hypnosis and weed the corrupt staff out. Now a safer place for the patients, the DP7 decided to make the Clinic their new headquarters, and become the new staff.
During her stay in the clinic as part of the staff, Twilight grew a closer friendship to Jeff "Blur" Walters, who could move at superhuman speed, but could never stop. Twilight's energy drain powers were the only thing that could allow him to rest. Even though she loved helping Walters, her constant sessions with him made her become addicted to her power, and once she found herself trying to absorb energy from a young patient, she was disgusted and swore to never use her powers again, not even to help Walters. She broke that oath, however, when her friend Charlotte "Friction" Beck begged her to help stop a riot on the Clinic.
Lenore was later invited to join CIA's Paranormal Femme Force Five which consisted of her, and fellow DP7's Friction and Stephanie "Glitter" Harrington, plus newcomers Merriam "Sponge" Sorenson and Professor Jenny Swensen codenamed: Spitfire (she soon after changed her codename to the more appropriate Chrome. There's another character nicknamed Spitfire in the Main Marvel Universe though. I'll talk about her next).
Their very first mission ended in disaster however, as they were sent to the jungles of Brazil (Yay! My homeland!) to detain a monstrous creature at large. The blob-like monster tries to absorb them, causing them to desperately fight for their very lives. Twilight is engulfed by the creature as Glitter desperately tries to retrieve her from inside the monster, but can only find her clothes, her body nowhere to be found. Before she can continue her search, she passes out from exhaustion, believing to have failed her friends. When she wakes up, the monster had ran away, and everyone seems to be fine. Except for Twilight, who was nowhere to be seem. Glitter insists to search for her, but after three fruitless hours they return home, with Glitter overwhelmed by guilt and sorrow over the loss of Twilight.
SPITFIRE
Lady Jacqueline Falsworth was member of a traditional aristocratic British family. Her father, Lord James Falsworth, had fought in the first World War as the costumed soldier Union Jack. In 1942, Jacqueline was serving Britain's Women's Voluntary Service when she was attacked by her own uncle, the vampire Baron Blood.
Baron Blood was defeated by Invaders Union Jack and Captain America, but Jacqueline had lost a lot of blood after being bitten by him. They rushed her to a hospital where she received an emergency blood transfusion from another Invader, the original Human Torch android. (Why they picked the robot with artificial blood instead of someone else with real blood is beyond me). The Human Torch's artificial blood mixed with Baron Blood's vampire blood granted Jacqueline with super powers!
Fire-related powers? No. Just super-speed. She joined The Invaders and called herself Spitfire after the British war planes used on the period.
After the war ended, Spitfire retired from "superheroing" to marry nobleman Lord Crichton. Desiring a quiet life, she lied to her friends that her powers were fading away with her age. Years later, as a widow, Spitfire assemble Namorita, Captain America and the new Union Jack, Joey Chapman to aid the original Human Torch and Namor who were captured by the villain Master Man, therefore creating the New Invaders. Jacqueline was badly wounded in the battle and only survived thanks to another blood transfusion from the Torch, which this time caused a chemical process that de-aged her until she gained the appearance of a 16 year old girl (COMICS!).
Youthful again, Spitfire returned to the Superhero scene. She and the new Union Jack had a romantic relationship, but they broke up over the age difference.
Pfft. Like age difference ever mattered to Thor, Cap, or Edward Cullen.
LUNA
Luna Maximoff was the child of mutant and sometimes Avenger, Pietro "Quicksilver" Maximoff with Inhuman, once Fantastic Four member, and member of the Royal Family of Attilan, Crystalia "Crystal" Amaquelin. She was born the same day the hidden city of Attilan, home of the Inhumans, was transported to the Blue Side of the Moon to escape Earth's deadly pollution. She was therefore baptized Luna after her birthplace.
The crossing of Mutant and Inhuman genetics, however, canceled each other and Luna was born powerless. At first, Quicksilver was appalled in having a flatscan for a daughter (Flatscan is a derogatory term mutants use to refer to normal humans. Yup. Pietro is racist), he proposed to expose Luna to the Terrigen Mists, which give the Inhumans their powers, but was convinced otherwise. Years later, however, when his sister Wanda decided to depower 98% of mutant-kind, Pietro was desperate to have his powers back, and decided to expose himself and, why waste the trip?, the then Six years old Luna to the mists. Luna now has the power to manipulate people's emotions at will.
Luna was a centerpiece character in the mind-bending, full of time-travel shenanigans Avengers saga known as "The Crossing". In the beginning, Marilla, Luna's babysitter, was approached by Tuc, a fortune-teller, who warned her that she would soon suffer a horrible death. Tuc was actually Luna's brother from the future, who was trying to save her. Marilla is murdered and Luna is a witness but, being just a baby, she can only identify the murderer as "the bad man". The bad man turns out to be Tony Stark who was brainwashed by time-traveler villain Immortus to destabilize the Avengers. Later, a dying time travelling teenage Luna from the future warned the Avengers about Immortus plan and that they needed to recruit teenage Tony Stark from the past to defeat the present adult evil Stark...
If that sounds like a mess is because it was! It took almost three retcons for things to make sense again.
Fun fact: In the alternate universe Earth-98, Luna grew up and, under a rebellious adolescent phase, called herself "Spike"
There is another character named Luna in Marvel Canon: A Captain of the Vampire Nation. She only appeared twice so far, during the Fear Itself event.
THE CELESTIALS
Nobody knows from where the fuck the Celestials came from or what the fuck they want, not even the Watchers! And the Watchers know everything! What we DO know is that the Celestials are old. Fucking old. And they like to play God. They've been experimenting with races on Earth and Space, creating the Aztecs, the first terrestrial superhumans, and the Skrulls, among others. Why? NOBODY KNOWS!
The Watchers and the Asgardians are against the Celestials mysterious agenda. The Celestials told them to eat shit and kept doing their thing.
If an "experiment" "fails" on their standard, whatever it is (NOBODY KNOWS!), the Celestials send a special Celestial to wipe out the entire "failed" race of cosmic Guinea Pigs and go back to the drawing board. Thor witnessed one of the Celestials reapings, and said that it was "to great for even an immortal to grasp". So, a mindfuck. The Celestials entire history and reason of being can be described as a mindfuck, to be honest.
In short, the Celestials are mysterious, all powerful, everlasting, massive assholes!
Twilight and her "Displaced Paranormal" friends debuted in DP7 #1 in November, 1986. She met her unfortunate fate in DP7 #26 in December, 1988.
Jacqueline "Spitfire" Falsworth was introduced (and retconned) into the Marvel Continuity in Invaders #7 in July, 1976.
Luna Maximoff was born in Fantastic Four #240 in March, 1982.
The Celestials have been fucking with the Universe before its very existence, but they were first introduced to Marvel readers in Eternals #2 in August, 1976.
More American than Apple Pie
"Where to begin?
Let's start with the end
These black and white photos
Don't capture the skin
From the flash of a gun
To a soldier who's done
Trust me, grandson
The war was in color"
-The War Was In Color, Carbon Leaf
CHAPTER NINE
MORE AMERICAN THAN APPLE PIE
"You do realize that you're basically kissing their feet, right?" Stark reprimanded Thor
"It's courtesy, Stark" Thor replies
"It's bullshit, that's what it is"
"Ahem…" Trixie clears her throat "I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, was informed that your resident spell-caster, the mediocre Twilight Sparkle, was lost in the mists of the cosmos, trading her physical form with the one you call Thor, reducing her already unimpressive skills to…"
"Twilight is not mediocre!" Fluttershy says
"Did I give you permission to talk?" Trixie snaps at Fluttershy
"N-no… but…"
"Then zip it! I trotted all the way from home to help your ungrateful, undeserving magic-less butts! So, unless you can do magic or anything useful at all other than crying like a little baby, I'd suggest you put yourself in your place and shut up!"
"O-okay…" Fluttershy cowers "I will…"
"You better" Trixie says
Angel frowns at Trixie. He wouldn't let anypony talk to her owner like that, so he nails his sharp teeth in her hoof.
"OUCH! YOU PEST!" Trixie yells, shaking her hoof, trying to make Angel lose his grip
"No! Stop it!" Stark says, grabbing Angel "Silly rabbit! Trixie is for kids!"
"You're lucky I'm feeling benevolent today" Trixie tells the rabbit "or else I could transform you into a carrot"
"Yeah, I doubt that" Applejack says under her breath
"This party isn't feeling very festive…" Pinkie says, looking a bit down
"Hey! Don't be like that! We even brought a magician to your party!" Stark says
"Really? Will you make some balloon animals for us?" Pinkie asks Trixie, hopping happily again
"I'm not a clown!" Trixie hisses
"No, she will make some nifty tricks for us down in the basement, right Tinkerbell?" Stark says "As a matter of fact, we better do it as soon as possible because she charges per hour"
"Wait, basement?" Trixie asks Stark "You promised me an audience!"
"Yeah, but we don't know if this is gonna work, do we? What if it fails?" Stark says "Do you really want to have your first try in front of dozens of judgmental ponies? Wouldn't you rather 'rehearse' first?"
Trixie stops to think "Well, I guess you… Wait a minute! If it works, you guys will be out of here and I'll have nothing to show! You're trying to trick me!"
"Oh, well, you got me" Stark says "Here's what we're gonna do: We'll go down the basement and see if you can do what Twilight failed to. If you can, one of us, me, will go while the other stays. This way you're gonna have one of us, Thor, still here for you to use for your little show tomorrow in front of all of Ponyville! How does that sound?"
"How do I know you won't all go together and ditch me here with empty hooves?"
"Thor will give you his word he'll stay" Stark says "And Thor never breaks his word, right buddy?"
Thor looks embarrassed "Well…"
"What?" Stark asks
"I believe it would be dishonest of my part to say I've never faulted on my word" Thor confesses "I've promised dear Jane I would return for her, but Loki's misdeeds have prevented me from fulfilling my promise"
"Jane? Who's Jane?" Stark asks
"My beloved" Thor answers "The mortal woman who showed me the true value of Midgard's…"
"Ho, ho, ho, Thor, you ladykiller you!" Rainbow Stark interrupts "You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend! Went for a vacation trip and fell for a local girl, huh? But let me warn you: These 'Summer Love' things, I don't want to rain in your parade, but they hardly ever last. Not that you can't make it work, no, you may, but it will be hard to maintain a 'long-distance relationship'. Especially now that you were 'in town' for a 'business trip' but couldn't find time to meet her. It will get ugly for you… If it was Pepper, she would sentence me one month in the couch. Minimum."
"Pepper and Tony, Pepperoni" Pinkie laughs "Jane and Thor, Janitor"
"Well, anyways, this was an isolated case" Stark turns to Trixie "Thor is still a very trustworthy guy and he will be here for you. I mean, who cares if you save me, 'Rainbow Dash', in secret if you still can save 'Twilight' for everyone to see?"
"Ok, but you better fulfill your part of the deal" Trixie says
"We will. Now, everybody to the basement" Tony says, as everypony moves down the stairs
"We are going down the base-e-ment" Pinkie sings "Trixie has a lot of resen-tee-ment!"
"Stop singing or I'll turn you into a frog" Trixie says
"After you, beautiful" Rainbow Stark tells Applejack, holding the door for her See, Thor? I can be courteous too…
Applejack blushes "Don't call me beautiful…"
"You prefer 'ugly' then?" Stark asks
Applejack just frowns and enters the basement
MENTAL NOTE: Freckles feels really uncomfortable when I act like I'm courting her. Must exploit this weakness as much as possible. Stark smiles to himself
Once they were all in the basement, Stark explains the situation to Trixie "So, you see, Twilight shot her beam through the Elements, but it went back, concentrating on her Element of Voodoo before hitting her, which caused the swap. The problem is that this shouldn't have happened. It concentrated on this Element" Stark points at the Eight Point Star gem "when it should have concentrated on THIS Element" Stark points at the Lightning gem "the one that started all of this: The Element of Lesbianism"
"The Element of Loyalty" Applejack corrects, annoyed
"I knew it started with an 'L'" Stark replies
"And, of course, Twilight screwed up" Trixie says "Don't worry, Stark, I, the great and powerful Trixie, will…"
"Wait! Not yet!" Stark says, moving towards Applejack "This may be the last time we'll see each other, my beautiful little pony"
"Thank Celestia for that" Applejack says "And stop calling me beautiful… or ugly!"
"I just want to say… when I woke up here, in this strange, strange world, the sight of your rustic beauty and the sound of your sexy accent were a blessing in the middle of the confusion, a ray of light, bursting through the dark clouds. 'Is this Heaven?' I asked myself…" Stark says "Have I ever told you I have a thing for blondies with freckles?"
Applejack blushes "Stark, no, stop!"
"…I know, I know. It's hard for me too" Stark continues "I know you wish we could be together but, darling, it just wasn't meant to be…"
"Stark, shut up!"
"…had we met in another life, we would be able to fulfill our torrid love story…"
"Stark, shut the hay up!"
"…but I have Pepper and you have Buzz Lightyear…"
"Stark… Stop…" Applejack insists
"…just remember: We will always have Paris. And by Paris, I mean Rarity's front porch"
"Are you two done?" Trixie asks, impatient
"Yeah, we're done" Stark says "Right, Applejill?"
"My name is Applejack!" Applejack replied, annoyed
"Yeah, but that's only because your parents wanted a boy"
"Mares and stallions! May I have your attention? I, the great and powerful Trixie, am here as the harbinger of bad and good news. Despite being…"
"Excuse me, what the fuck are you doing?" Stark interrupts her
"Rehearsing my speech. The one I'll do for my presentation tomorrow" Trixie answers "You said this would be like a rehearsal, didn't you?"
Stark sighs "Yeah, I did…"
"So… From the beginning" Trixie says "Mares and stallions! May I have your attention? I, the great and powerful Trixie, am here as the harbinger of bad and good news. Your local magic protector Twilight Sparkle has been cursed with a horrible fate: she's no longer able to do magic. But do not fear! Despite being once casted out of your town, I, in my magnanimity, forgive you from your foolish mistake, and…"
While Trixie kept babbling, Rainbow Stark raises his eyebrows suggestively at Applejack.
What? Applejack mouths at him, annoyed
In response, Stark licks his lips, slowly.
Applejack blushes and looks away.
Stark smiles to himself
Oh, my God! She's still talking? Stark thinks, once he realizes Trixie wasn't finished yet
"You sure like the sound of your own voice, huh?" Stark interrupts Trixie's speech
"And ya don't?" Applejack asks
"First, this is not my voice. Second, yes, I do"
"Ahem!" Trixie says "May I continue?"
"C'mon, now! You don't need to rehearse that!" Stark says "You're a natural at bullshitting. I'm sure you can improvise something great tomorrow. We just need to test the 'magic' part of your act, so, twitch your nose, Samantha"
"Twitch… my nose?" Trixie asks, confused
"Bewitched. It's a classic" Stark answers "Look, just do your magic thing, would ya?"
Trixie looks like she's about to protest, but she just frowns "Fine"
Charging up her horn, Trixie shoots a beam into the Element of Magic. From there, it passes through the Element of Laughter to the Element of Honesty and…
…and it stays there.
"Wait. That's it?" Stark says "You need to pass through all of it! You can't even pass half!"
"If you think this is so easy" Trixie hisses, trying her hardest to make the beam pass through "why don't you do it yourself?"
"Good idea! Wait… what's this I have on my head?" Stark says "Oh, it's 'NOT a horn'!"
Trixie ignores him, and keeps concentrating on her beam, sweating profusely.
"I can't believe you got stuck in the middle!" Stark continues "Sparkle not only managed to hit the end, but it also went all the way back! And you can't make it pass the middle! Well, I guess this wasn't a complete failure… we managed to gauge how much better than you Twilight is: Four Times!"
For a fraction of a second, Trixie looks like she's about to cry, but that's quickly replaced by a look of murderous rage.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!" Trixie screams, putting every single ounce of magic of her body into her beam. But the Apple shaped gem doesn't bulge. Instead, it reflects the beam, connecting it to Applejack's forehead. Applejack's eyes begin to roll on all directions, her mouth foams, and her hooves begin to tap dance on the floor…
"Oh, no!" Stark says "The angry stage performer John Trixie Booth shot Honest Abe in the head! History repeats itself!"
"TRIXIE! STOP!" Spike yells
"NO!" she screams "I CAN DO IT!"
"No, you can't!" Stark says "You're frying her brain! Stop!"
"NO!"
"I SAID STOP!" Stark yells and punches Trixie in the face
Trixie falls, interrupting the magic beam. Applejack collapses on the floor, exhausted and disoriented. Stark puts himself over her.
"Hey, Cowboy Curtis" Stark says, gently slapping Applejack's face "You're alright?"
"Mumblghefrty?" Applejack mumbles
"Look what you did!" Stark yells at Trixie "You destroyed what little brain she had left!"
He barely finished that sentence when Applejack's hoof rose up, punching him in the face "Ya stupid jerk…" she says, faintly
"She's okay, guys!" Stark announces from the spot where he fell
"What the hay is going on in here?" Rarity asks, climbing down the stairs
"Oh, look! Sarah Jessica Parker from 'Hex and the City' decided to show up!" Stark says "What are you doing here, sunshine? Isn't it a little late? Aren't you afraid you might oversleep and miss your breakfast at Tiffany's?"
"I… I felt bad for turning you down, and decided to come here to see if I could help" Rarity answers
"Too late!" Trixie replies, fully recovered from Stark's punch "They don't need you anymore. They have me"
"Excuse me?" Rarity says, slightly offended
"This is MY moment of glory!" Trixie says "I'm gonna save Twilight Sparkle in front of everypony, and I ain't gonna let you steal my thunder, you bi—"
"Hey, hey, hey! Hold your horses!" Stark takes a moment to laugh at his own joke "I'm glad you decided to come here, Colt & Gabbana, but nobody is gonna shoot another beam at those gems until I analyze them again"
"Wait. What?" Trixie says
"This is not working" Stark says "Science demands that we try an experiment twice to see if the results were not a product of chance. But trying it a third time, when the first two times proved disastrous, and expect a different result? That's not science. That's stupidity. I need to study the gems to see what's going wrong"
"I can try harder" Trixie says
"Are you fucking deaf?" Stark asks "You ain't gonna try shit until I analyze it! You can't just keep shooting at that if it isn't gonna make any fucking difference! We're gonna have to delay this until tomorrow"
"Ya sure?" Applejack asks
"If you say so…" Rarity says
"Perhaps…" Thor starts
"NO!" Trixie yells
"Yes!" Tony yells back
"M-maybe?" Fluttershy stutters
"Fuck!" Pinkie smiles
"What?" Spike asks Pinkie
"You're not honoring our deal, Stark!" Trixie tells him, angry
"Our deal was for you to open a portal. That didn't happen" Stark says "And that won't happen until we fix this. Look, you still gonna have your chance, ok? I'll just need some time to read upon these elements to see if I can find what may be the problem"
"Can't you just think of something now?" Trixie asks, impatient
"Think of what? WHAT?!" Stark shouts "Look, I don't know shit about these fucking things! I need to gather more information! All my brainpower won't mean anything if I don't know what exactly I'm dealing with! Sometimes you can't 'just think' to solve a problem! Sometimes you have to fucking read!" Stark pauses for a moment, a feeling of dread and guilt suddenly falling upon him. He turns to Applejack and, just as he suspected, she's looking at him, a judging look on her eyes.
"Shut up" Stark tells her
"I didn't say any—" Applejack says
"SHUT UP!" Stark yells
Applejack stays quiet, but the judgment remains on her eyes
"Why won't you shut up?" Stark screams. The room fell silent, with everypony exchanging glances, except Applejack who maintains eye contact with Stark. After a few seconds, Rainbow Stark rushes upstairs and out of the basement, without saying a word.
The room stays silent.
Pinkie blows her party whistle, half-heartedly.
"I apologize for my friend's behavior. Excuse me" Thor Sparkle bows and trots after Stark. The rest soon follows.
Applejack smirks to herself. She finally got to Stark and… something's wrong… suddenly, she doesn't feel so well…
She tries to take one more step but her knees falter.
"Applejack! Are you okay?" Fluttershy asks
"I'm fine, I'm fine" she answers, slightly groggy "Just help me stand, would ya?"
Upstairs, Stark breathes heavily. He doesn't feel good. It's almost like he's having some sort of anxiety attack… he suffering from an anxiety attack? That'd be the day…
"Stark?" Rainbow Stark turns his head to see Thor approaching him "Oh, hi, Thor…"
"What happened down there? Is anything wrong?" Thor asks
"If is anything wrong? Is anything right?" Stark answers "I… I really didn't want to spend the night in this world... I'm running out of options, Thor…"
"What you need is a dose of Pinkie Pie to cheer you up!" Pinkie says, popping up out of nowhere in front of Stark
"GAH!" Stark shouts, surprised, as Pinkie grabs him and starts to dance "C'mon, Tony! Let loose and dance!"
Everypony else had arrived and were now watching the two dance, their facial expressions ranging from amused to confused.
"Pinkie, stop" Stark says to the enthusiastic pony "Pinkie. Pinkie. PINKIE!"
Pinkie finally stops, looking sad and disappointed for not being able to cheer Stark up.
"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I really do. Honest" Stark says, with a small smile "But this is not the time for a party"
"But…"
"Tomorrow, okay?"
Pinkie pauses for a moment and then puts on a huge grin "Okay" From out of nowhere, she takes a yellow and pink vacuum cleaner, with the words 'PARTY VACUUM' written on the side. She turns it on, and all the balloons, confetti, banners, and all other party stuff gets sucked by the machine, leaving the library completely party-free. Pinkie waves to her friends and, like a proud soldier marching on, she leaves the library carrying the 'Party Vacuum' over her shoulder.
Stark was baffled "Are you sure that Pinkie isn't the magic one?" he asks Applejack
"Whatever it is that Pinkie can do is not magic" Applejack answers "It's… Pinkie"
"So, we're finished here?" Rarity asks "Guess I won't miss my beauty sleep, after all…"
"Your selflessness is overwhelming, Element of Generosity" Stark quipped
Insulted, Rarity frowns "Well, if that's the case, I'll stay"
"Nah. You can go. We are finished here" Stark answers
"Very well" Rarity says, with her nose up "I'll be going. Good night"
Spike dashes to the door, and holds it open for Rarity "Allow me, Rarity"
"Oh, thank you, Spike. My little gentlesteed" Rarity kisses him in the cheek "Is good to know somepony knows how to treat a lady" she turns to look at Stark, who sticks out his tongue at her
"Hmph!" Rarity interjects with scorn as she leaves the library
"Good night, Rarity" Spike says in an almost dreamy way, caressing the cheek Rarity kissed. Stark takes notice.
"So, bestiality is allowed in your world?" he asks Applejack "Kinky"
Applejack ignores Stark's question and says "Ya know what, Stark? If I was ya, I wouldn't accuse anypony 'round here of selfishness. Ya should know better than throw stones at glasshouses"
"The difference is: I never presented myself as a paradigm of righteousness like your posse with your Elements of Lollipops do" Stark replies "So, don't get mad if I call you guys on your bullshit whenever you stray from the path of virtue and perfect integrity. Like you said: Stones and Glasshouses"
"Every time I catch a glimpse of a decent fella inside ya, like when ya were talkin' with Pinkie" Applejack says "Ya come and bury that decent guy within a zillion layers of jerk…"
"Ow… how cute" Stark says "She's falling for the jerk with a heart of gold"
Applejack doesn't blush this time "Ya suck, Stark…" she simply says
"If you ask nicely…" now she blushed.
"So… I guess I'm going too…" Fluttershy says, coyly
"Oh my God! I forgot you existed!" Stark says as Applejack frowns at him.
"Farewell, Lady Ventura" Thor says
"Uh… Actually, her name is Fluttershy" Stark says "I was kidding about that 'Ace Ventura' thing"
"Fluttershy" Thor repeats "A much more fitting name for such a lovely lady" he says, kissing her hoof while Stark rolls his eyes and Fluttershy blushes.
"Oh my… t-thanks…" Fluttershy says with a little uncomfortable smile "Come Angel, it's already past your bedtime"
"You ain't getting rid of me" Trixie tells Stark after Fluttershy leaves
"What?" Stark asks
"I didn't leave my home in the middle of the night just to travel all the way back with empty hooves" Trixie says "I'll stay here until we fulfill our deal!"
Spike sighs "I guess I'll have to assemble the spare bed…"
"Spare bed?" Stark says "It's weird enough that a library has a bed, but a spare bed?"
"I'll be goin' too. It's late and… and…" Applejack begins to say, feeling dizzy "I…" she falls on the floor
"Applejack!" Spike cries
"Jack of Apples! Are you ill?" Thor asks
"I'm okay, I'm alright" Applejack says, trying to get up.
Stark assists her "No, you're not. You have to stay here"
"No, I need to go home. My… my family will be worried if…"
"Applejack, look at me" Stark says "You're groggy. You can't go back to Sweet Home Alabama like that"
"It's… Sweet Apple Acres" Applejack corrects, talking with difficulty
"Sweet Apple, huh? Was it named after you?" Stark starts his faux flirt again
Applejack doesn't answer. Stark is actually worried now.
"Well, Trixie, you're gonna have to share your bed with Applejack" Stark says
"What? No way!" Trixie protests
"Look, there are two beds and four ponies. Spike sleeps on the doghouse" Spike frowns at Stark "So, you're gonna have to choose: or you sleep with Applejack or with Thor or with me! So, what it will be?"
"S-Stark… I'm not gonna…" Applejack starts
"Quiet, gingerbread. You're not in condition to make any decisions" Stark says and then turns to Trixie "Well?"
"I'm thinking! I'm thinking!" Trixie yells. What decision could she make? Share a bed with one of the three ponies that she hates the most in the world? Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, or Rainbow Dash? Well, Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle aren't themselves anymore, so that's a plus. Stark is a pain, but Thor is that stupid mule Twilight! What to do? What to do?
"Well?" Stark repeats
"Fine!" Trixie says in defeat "I pick Thor"
Stark smirks "Decided on your little rival, huh? Well, they always say love and hate walk together…"
"Shut up" Trixie replies, annoyed "It was the lesser of two… I mean, three evils"
"Whatever helps you sleep" Stark says and then turns to Applejack "Looks like you'll be sleeping with me"
"Darn…" Applejack mumbles
"Don't worry" Stark tries to reassure her, helping her go upstairs "Maybe you won't have to sleep with me… Maybe you'll have the entire bed for yourself while I spend the night working on the basement. How about that?"
Applejack gives a faint smile "L-like I said, Stark… Sometimes… ya can be nice, but…"
"But I'm a big jerk" Stark completes "I know. I'll try to compensate you. Here, let me kiss your hoof, since you're the only pony whose hoof Thor didn't kiss"
"Stark… Please, no…" Applejack protests
"I insist" Stark gives a respectful bow, and kisses Applejack's hoof
Applejack blushes, but it wasn't so bad. "T-thanks, Stark… I appreciate…"
Stark kisses her hoof again…
"Uh, Stark…?"
…and again…
"Stark, s-stop…"
…and again and again and…
"STARK!"
Rainbow Stark stops. He looks mischievously at Applejack, kisses her in the cheek, and, seductively, whispers in her ear "Sweet dreams, sugar cube"
If somepony who has never before met Applejack entered the room at that moment, they probably would ask themselves why her body was orange while her head was red.
Applejack takes her hoof out of Stark's grip "I can go to bed on my own, thank you" she says, coldly, and climbs the stairs alone.
Stark climbs down to meet the others, smiling "She's so gonna dream about that and she's so gonna feel guilty in the morning"
"You enjoy being annoying, don't you, Stark?" Spike says
"Is there something not to enjoy about being annoying?" Stark asks
Before anypony could answer, the unconscious body of Applejack falls down the stairs until it drops right in the middle of them.
"Jack of Apples!"
"Shit! My sex appeal was too much for her to handle!"
"Stark! This is no time for your jests!" Thor reprimands "The noble Applejack may be seriously hurt!"
"I know, I know. Sorry" Stark apologizes "Fuck. I should have escorted her all the way upstairs regardless of her protests…"
"Hey, she's coming back!" Spike says, as Applejack blinks her eyes
"Howdy, partner!" Stark greets with a forced accent "Don't just sit there like a lazy dog! Rise up and go to the barn! Those cow tits won't squeeze themselves!"
Applejack looks confused for a second, before fully comprehending the situation "They're called udder, Stark" she gets up, annoyed
"Pfft. Whatever. I'm not a farmer like you…"
"I'm not a farmer either. I'm just not a pervert like you"
"Pervert? I… Wait, you're talking without an accent?!" Stark said. Applejack's voice seemed so strange without an accent. Why, it almost sounded like Rainbow Stark's current voice…
Applejack looks at Thor and Trixie "Which one of you two is Thor?" she asks
Trixie points at Thor.
"Wait a sec. You… You're not Applejack, are you?" Stark asks
"I don't know. Am I?"
"Clint?" Stark guessed
"Steve" Steve Jack answered
"Steve, huh?" Stark says "Well, welcome to the Island of Lesbos"
"Island of Lesbos? Don't you mean Equestria?" Steve says
"Well, it might as well be. I haven't seen a single Y chromosome ever since I got here" Stark says "There's only girls here"
"Ahem!" Spike coughs
"Well, except for the slave" Stark continues
"I'M NOT A SLAVE!" Spike yells
"Are you in charge of taking care of the house?" Stark asks
"You mean the library?" Spike says "Uh… yes"
"Do you do anything that Twilight orders you?"
"I wouldn't say order…"
"Do you have the right to at least one vacation per year?"
"What? Uh… no"
"Are dragons considered inferior to or, at least, less civilized than ponies?"
"What does that have to do…"
"Have you ever gone anywhere without Twilight's permission?"
"I…"
"Do you receive payment for your services?"
"…no"
"You're a slave" Stark says. Trixie chuckles.
Steve and Spike frowns "I apologize for Stark's lack of tact, Mister?" Steve tells Spike
"Oh, right, introductions" Stark says "Guys, this is Steve Rogers. Steve, this is Spike, Trixie, Thor who's now Twilight Sparkle, and I'm Rainbow Dash"
"…and I'm Applejack, is that right?" Steve concludes
"Princess Applejack" Stark says "The secret identity of Wonder Mare! Who forces bad guys to be completely honest with her lasso of truth! On the plus side, you still can wear a star-spangled outfit"
Steve Jack stares at Rainbow Stark, unamused.
"Yeah, you're Applejack" Stark says "You live in the Kent Farm, on the outskirts of Smallville"
"Ponyville" Spike corrects
"By the way, how did you know we were we?" Stark asks
"The pony who replaced you called herself Rainbow Dash. You're the one with the rainbow hair" Steve explains "She then said that her friend, who had replaced Thor, was a unicorn. There are two unicorns here. I just had to ask"
"Nice job, Nancy Drew" Stark replies "Are you… not even slightly disturbed by this?"
"A little bit" Steve says "But it didn't take long for me to figure out what was going on…"
"Well, neither did I! But at least I freaked out a little bit when I found out I was a horse!" Stark says "You… You just accepted it! I mean, I can understand Thor accepting it. He's from Imaginationland already. But you? How can you be so cool about this? Are you a fucking robot?"
"I'm a soldier" Steve says "To solve a situation, you must first acknowledge it. You don't waste time asking how it's possible. You accept it is possible, because it's happening. So you focus on a way to…"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spare me the sermon" Stark interrupts him
"Did you catch Discord?" Steve asks
All eyes turn to him. "Who?" Stark asks
"Discord. According to Loki and Twilight…"
"You talked to Loki? Why? When?"
"Loki found out that there was something blocking the portals" Steve explains
"Well, I guess he's right" Stark says "But still…"
"…and Twilight thinks is this Discord guy's fault" Steve concludes
"It couldn't be Discord, Steve" Spike says "He's petrified on the… oh!"
"Oh? Oh what?" Stark asks
"He's… no longer there…" Spike says, a chill going down his spine
"Who's no longer there?" Stark asks
"Discord" Spike says "He's a very powerful and very evil monster. He was petrified on the backyard, but… he's no longer there…"
"You had an evil God on your backyard, who could be the cause of all this, who disappeared" Stark asks, angry "And you didn't tell me… you didn't tell anyone about that?"
"I thought Princess Celestia had sent somepony to remove him" Spike tries to explain himself
"That's it. You're fired"
"You can't fire me!"
"You're right" Stark turns to Thor Sparkle "Thor, fire him"
Thor just stares blankly at Stark
"You have no idea what 'firing' someone means, do you?" Stark asks
"He's a dragon" Thor says "I'm sure he can 'fire' himself"
"He just committed a mistake, Stark" Steve chimes in "He can't be fired because of that"
"You're right. Slaves aren't fired. They're killed or sold" Stark turns to Spike "We'll search for a buyer in the morning. You better hope we find it"
"I'm not a slave!" Spike says, annoyed
"Hey!" Trixie interrupts "Now that we know what's causing the portals to go wrong, we don't need to wait until tomorrow! We can solve this now!"
"You wish it was that simple, didn't you, David Copperfailed?" Stark says "Spike, how did your friends undo Discord's magic?"
"Uh… it was with…" Spike starts
"The Elements of Harmony" Spike and Stark say in unison.
"See? Back to the drawing board" Stark tells Trixie "But we do have somewhere to start our research now. We now know there's some kind of magic shit blocking the portal. We need to find a way to dissolve it. But, as I said earlier, it's too late for that now. Thor, you and Trixie will…"
"I pick Steve" Trixie says
"What?" Stark said "You already picked Thor"
"That's when Thor was the least horrible choice" Trixie says "Now Steve is. I pick Steve"
"Okay then"
"Pick me? For what?" Steve asks
"You're gonna sleep with her" Stark answers
Steve blushes "And I don't have a say in that? Stark, I don't feel comfortable with this. I must protest…"
"You're not going to fuck her, Steve" Stark says "You're just going to share a bed"
"That's not the point, I… Oh, what the heck, alright, I'll do it" Steve sighs and follows Trixie upstairs "Good night you three"
"I will retreat to my chambers as well, Man of Iron" Thor bows in reverence
"You're not gonna kiss my hoof now, are you?" Stark says "Anyways, night for you too. Me and the slave will just clean up the room, and then we meet with you upstairs"
Thor nods and climbs the stairs. Irritated, Spike turns to Stark
"I'm not a slave" Spike insists "I'm part of the family!"
"Of course you are, Uncle Remus" Stark says, indifferent "I bet all the ponies are glad that you're so kind, useful, and indoctrinated unlike the other savages of your race who are too stupid and primitive to accept the pony way of life"
"Exactly!" Spike says, proudly
"Oh, boy" Stark sighs "So innocent..."
On the wall, there was a picture of Twilight Sparkle with her five friends, having a picnic during happier times. Suddenly, a seventh figure appears on the portrait. Discord.
Darn it. They're onto him. He was hoping nopony would find out about his hex, but if this 'Tony Stark' discovers a way to dissolve his aura of chaos, and he shows it to Trixie or Rarity… Well, he must prevent that from happening, mustn't he? He will wait no longer. Tomorrow morning, Equestria will wake up a little more chaotic…
And with a mischievous plan forming on his mind, Discord leaves the frame.
One second later, he returns to the photo. With a sharpie, he draws a moustache on Twilight's face. Cackling, he leaves again.
The next morning, Rarity and Fluttershy met outside the library. After a little cordial small talk, they enter the building… uh, tree… 'Tree building'? 'Tree house'? 'Tree library'? 'Library carved in a tree'? Just library?
Once inside, they are greeted by the sight of piles and piles of books taken from the now virtually empty shelves with Rainbow Stark, Thor Odinson, Trixie, Steve Jack, and Spike each reading a book.
"Oh, look! The dressmaker and the zookeeper have arrived!" Stark says, from behind his pile of books "Take a seat, old chaps"
"There are no seats…" Fluttershy says
"Then sit on the floor. Do I have to do all the thinking around here? Jeez" Stark replies "While you're at it: Choose a pile and grab a book"
"Good morning for you too" Rarity says, irritated
"Good morning. I apologize for my friend's lack of manners" Steve Jack said "Ms…?"
Rarity just stares at Steve, before she whimpers "Not you too…"
"Rarity, Steve. Steve, Rarity" Stark says, without taking his eyes off of his book
"Pleased to meet you, ma'am. Sorry we had to meet under these circumstances" Steve says and then turns to Fluttershy "And you are?"
"F-Fluttershy…" Fluttershy replies
"Pleased to meet you, Fluttershy"
"Okay, now that we've gone through the formalities" Stark says "Would you two grab a book or what?"
"We're researching ways to dissolve Discord's spell that's interfering with the…" Steve starts
"Wait, WHAT?!" Rarity shouts "Discord?!"
"Don't ask me. Ask Son of Godzilla" Stark points to Spike
"I thought Princess Celestia had sent somepony…" Spike mutters
"Tell that to the judge" Stark says
"B-but… Discord is trapped in the statue…" Fluttershy stutters, afraid
"Yeah, well, where's the statue, sweetheart?" Stark asks "It's not here anymore…"
"But if Discord is free, there should be chaos" Rarity says
"I thought the same thing" Spike says
"Why isn't there any chaos?" Rarity asks
"I don't know" Stark answers "Maybe his powers aren't fully recovered yet. Maybe he took a vacation. Maybe he found Jesus. How the hell should I know?"
"What we're gonna do?" Fluttershy cries "If Discord is free, without the Elements, how would we be able to stop him this time?"
"Less whining and more researching would be a good first step" Stark replies "See, it was exactly for something like this that I made the contingency plan"
"What contingency plan?" Rarity asks
"The suit" Stark replies "The armor I asked you to redesign for me"
"Okay, so why are you not using it?" Rarity asks
"I would, but I don't have the necessary materials to build it" Stark explains "I sent Butterfly here…
"Fluttershy" Rarity corrects
"Close enough. I sent her to find a mine of iron and/or gold, but she hasn't…"
"Actually" Fluttershy says "I've found the mine yesterday…"
"You did?" Stark says "Why didn't you say so?"
Fluttershy's eye twitches "I'VE BEEN TRYING TO!" she roars to everyone and everypony's surprise.
"I-I'm sorry… I shouldn't have yelled…" Fluttershy says, embarrassed
"You managed to anger Fluttershy" Spike says "Congratulations, Stark. You're the Unbearable Jerk of the Year"
"Keep the trophy. I have three of those" Stark quipped and then turned to Fluttershy "So you found the mine? Great! Now, why don't you take a cart and bring me a big nice chunk of metal?"
"Going to the mine? A-alone?" Fluttershy asks
"Yeah. Why?"
"Mines are dark and scary…"
"So?" Stark says "It's just a cave. I've spent three months living in one. Quit being a pussy"
Steve frowns and raises his hoof "I'll go with her"
"You will?" Stark asks
"You will?" Fluttershy asks
"Sure, going for a walk, carrying a cart full of heavy metal… I could use the exercise" Steve says
"Fine with me" Stark says
"Lead the way, ma'am" Steve tells Fluttershy, and together they leave the library.
"I don't understand, Stark" Rarity says "How can somepony like you, have such nice friends like Thor and Steve?"
"Maybe it's because I'm so incredibly awesome?"
"No" Rarity says, unimpressed "It's definitely something else"
On the way to the mine, Steve (who's drawing the cart) and Fluttershy have a little talk.
"I appreciate you're coming with me, I really do" Fluttershy says "But I didn't want to cause any inconvenience…"
"No problem, ma'am. No problem at all" Steve replies "I hope Stark didn't bother you too much"
"Bother me? Oh no, he didn't bother me. He… mostly ignored me…" Fluttershy says, sad "I'm… a little used to being ignored…"
Steve thinks back to the time before he got the Super Soldier Serum, when everyone thought he was too weak and frail to fight, when he was too shy to talk to a girl, even the ones Bucky convinced to go to a date with him, girls who would usually stare at him with disdain and, sometimes, even disgust…
"Believe me, I know how that feels" Steve says "Don't let it get to you. You have wonderful friends who'll be always at your side. And, one day, you'll find the right partner, someone who'll never ignore you. I promise you that"
Fluttershy smiles, slightly embarrassed "Thanks, I… Oh, we're here"
Steve and Fluttershy stop, right at the entrance of a dark cave. Tiny echoes from nocturne animals are heard. Fluttershy cowers and silently moans. Steve enters the mine.
"You'll stay here?" he turns his head to ask Fluttershy
"I… I…"
"You'll keep guard until I come back? Good idea" Steve says "I feel safer already with you having my back"
Fluttershy hangs her head "You're mocking me…"
"What?! No! I'm serious" Steve replies "I have complete trust in you"
Fluttershy raises her head to look at Steve and… she believes him! There's something about him, the way he talks, the way he smiles, the way he looks at you… It exhales confidence, trust… It makes you believe… It makes you feel like you can… You start to believe in yourself, because he believes in you. It's his gift.
Fluttershy suddenly showcases a much more confident expression on her face "Ok. Don't hurt yourself in there"
Steve chuckles "I won't" and he disappears from sight inside the darkness.
…and that's when Fluttershy's short-lived bravado disappears too.
Suddenly aware that she's all alone in the middle of Everfree Forest (technically, she's just 10 feet inside the forest. She could get back to the city in less than five seconds), Fluttershy begins to, well, flutter with nervousness. As soon as she hears a twig snap in the distance, she rushes inside the cave…
"STEVE!" she cries "WAIT UP!"
"What? Is something wrong?" Steve asks once Fluttershy catches up with him
"I… I…" Fluttershy catches her breath "I know you said you felt safer with me keeping guard… but I feel safer standing near you…"
"Good thinking" Steve says "Sticking together we'll be able to have each other's back! Nice strategy"
"You're just saying that to make me feel better…"
"No, Fluttershy, I…"
"Steve, please" Fluttershy sighs "I'm a coward. I know that. You know that"
"Coward? Why? Because you're afraid?" Steve says "Let me tell you something about cowards: Cowards only do things when they're sure they can win. They bully the weak. They torment those who can't fight back. They only act when they don't feel fear. Acting when you're afraid? That's courage!"
"But I don't act when I'm afraid!" Fluttershy says, with little tears in her eyes "I stagger. I freeze. I wish I could be fearless like you…"
"What makes you think I'm fearless? I'm not" Steve protests "And please, do NOT confuse fearlessness with courage. Having no fear doesn't make you brave. It makes you stupid or insane. We need fear. It warns us of the dangers. It makes us acknowledge the stakes. It advises us to do our best to avoid mistakes. It makes you care about the outcome. If you don't have fear, you're careless, reckless, dangerous. You just need to remember to not let fear stop you from doing what needs to be done"
"I…" before Fluttershy could answer; a swarm of bats flew past them. Fluttershy shrieks, and buries her face into Steve Jack's shoulder, sobbing softly.
"There, there…" Steve says, while they walk deeper into the cave "I got a little jumpy too"
"Steve, please" Fluttershy sobs "I'll never be brave. I was almost scared to death right now"
"And yet you're still here" Steve remarks "You didn't run away"
"But I wanted to" Fluttershy insists
"But you didn't! That's the whole point of what I've been saying" Steve says "Despite your fear begging you to turn around and run, you didn't. You listened to your fear's arguments to run away and decided that they weren't good enough. You kept going. You're still going. You're brave, Fluttershy. Don't you ever let anyone tell you different"
Back at the library, Thor, Trixie, Rarity and Stark, were still reading through the seemingly endless piles of books, with Spike serving them sandwiches.
"Did you guys find anything yet?" Stark asks
"No" Thor answers
"Nope" Trixie answers
"Not yet" Rarity answers
"Wait a minute… That book is about 'History of Fashion'!" Stark yells at Rarity "We're trying to dissipate a magic block here! Why the fuck are you reading that for? Throw it in the pile of 'Useless Books That Are a Waste of Time'!"
"Useless? Hmph!" Rarity says "If you ask me, you never know when a better understanding of summer hat trends may prove useful…"
"Oh, I have a pretty good idea" Stark says "It starts with an 'N' and ends with 'ever'!"
"Bah! This tedious task irritates me!" Thor announces, violently throwing his book on the floor "I'm Thor, Warrior and Prince of Asgard! I have no patience for books!"
"Thor, I love you, buddy" Stark says "But you're really not helping your fame of stupid"
"I agree with knucklehead" Trixie says "These Spell books are so… complex. They're giving me a headache"
"And you wonder why Twilight is so much better than you…" Stark says as Trixie shoots him a death glare
"Actually, Trixie brings a good point" Rarity says "These spells are complex. There's no guarantee that neither of us" she points at herself, Thor, and Trixie "will be able to perform the spell if we ever find it"
"I know understand why Nerd McNerdypants thought she was such a genius" Stark says "considering that she lived her life surrounded by you idiots"
"Hey! That was uncalled for" Rarity protests "What was the point of that insult?"
"This shit isn't that complicated!" Stark says "I bet if I had a fucking horn I could do all this shit! And you know what? I bet you guys could too, if you hadn't the reading skills and attention span of a five year old! God! I can't believe you guys are making me miss Sparkle!"
You hear that? He misses her. They all miss her. Do you think anypony would miss you if you disappeared? Do you think anypony would care?
"What? Who's that?" Trixie asks
"Who's who?" Stark asks back
"That voice!" Trixie says "You didn't hear the voice?"
Don't waste your time. They can't hear me. Only you can.
"What? How?" Trixie asks the ceiling
Stark stares at her for a few seconds "You're a loony" he says and goes back to arguing with Rarity
Hear that? You're a loony. They don't care about you. They despise you. You're worth less than the mud they step on for them.
"What's your point?" Trixie asks, silently and bitter
Do you honestly think they'll honor the deal? They'll dump you the first chance they get. They'll wait until you're in front of the whole town. And they'll humiliate you, like they did before, and they'll laugh at you. Everypony will laugh at you.
Trixie fights back her tears and anger "No! You have no way of knowing that. They'll honor the deal. I'll honor the deal!"
How noble. Why bother? Why help them? After everything they done? After all the humiliation you suffered? After they destroyed your career, just to protect their own petty prides? Do you think they feel sorry about that? They don't. They would do it again, with pleasure. Even though you lost everything and they lost nothing, you're the bad pony. They're the 'heroes'. These ponies don't deserve your help. They don't deserve your forgiveness. Heck, they probably think you're the pony who should be apologizing, not them. They only deserve your hate. They only deserve PAIN. They need to pay for what they done to you. They deserve to suffer your revenge.
Trixie looks at everypony in the room. A burning hatred boiling inside of her, as she scans every single face. She would love to make them suffer… No, that's not right "I can't" she whispers "This is my only chance. What other way can I regain my reputation, if I don't save Twilight?"
Suddenly, two enormous yellow eyes appear in front of Trixie, but only she could see them.
I have a few ideas…
"…and that's why unicorns are for little girls" Stark concludes to Rarity
"Was that supposed to be an insult?" Rarity asks, indifferent "Because I don't feel insulted"
"Hey, Thor" Trixie calls him "Would you mind helping me out with something outside?"
Thor looks at Trixie. There's something… off in her eyes… He then looks at the piles of boring books in front of him and the two bickering horses just a few steps ahead. "I'll be certainly glad to do so, Lady Trixie" Thor bows and follows Trixie outside the library.
"What do you need my assistance for?" Thor asks, once they reach the main square
"Oh, just a little performance" Trixie looks at Thor Sparkle with his stupid clueless smile on his stupid clueless face. No. Her stupid clueless smile on her stupid clueless face. Oh, this will feel good…
"Mares and Stallions! May I have your attention, please?" Trixie announces as townsponies turn to look at her "Some of you may remember me: I'm the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
"Isn't that the pony that brought the Ursa Major here?" "I think so" "I think it was an Ursa Minor" "The way she ran away was hilarious…" ponies in the crowd murmur
Go ahead, laugh. This will only make the following part much more satisfying
"Those who remember me, may also remember that I wasn't as 'great and powerful' as I affirmed to be. I couldn't solve the mess I helped create, and this mare at my side, Twilight Sparkle, proved herself more skilled than me by taking the Ursa Minor safely out of town in an impressive feat of magic" Trixie says, as the townsponies nod in agreement, some clearly impressed with Trixie's display of humility.
"Now, please, watch this" and with that said, Trixie shoots a concussive beam at Thor which sends him flying against a wall as the crowd gasps with shock.
Thor raises his head with difficulty. This attack was almost as painful as the backhand the Destroyer gave him when he was on his mortal form.
"I'm sorry, Thor, darling" Trixie, who looked anything but sorry, whispered "But this opportunity was too good to let pass"
Using her magic, Trixie lifts his body and throws it with force against the building on the other side of the street. Then she lifts him again and throws him against the first wall. Each hit causes the audience to gasp and flinch. She repeats that routine for a while, like she's playing a game of Pong and Thor is the ball.
Severely injured, Thor tries to counter attack. But what can he do? He tries to conjure some type of magic with his horn, but it's hopeless.
"What's the problem, Twilight? Why don't you fight back?" Trixie mocks "Oh, that's right. You can't!"
"W-what do you want?" Thor asks with difficulty
"I want to hear you scream!" Trixie snarls "I want to hear her voice BEGGING ME TO STOP!"
Trixie starts to inflict something akin to an electric torture on Thor who screams in agony, before passing out.
"BEHOLD!" Trixie lifts the limp, unconscious body of Thor Sparkle for everypony to see "The mighty Twilight! So utterly defeated by me!" Trixie laughs with an almost orgasmic glee "Who's the best now, huh? WHO'S THE BEST?"
"TRIXIE!" Trixie turns her head to see Steve and Fluttershy on the other side of the square
"That's right" Trixie says with a smirk "I'm the best"
"Trixie" Steve repeats "put the pony down"
"As you wish" Trixie says, and throws Thor's body down, with such extremely violent force, it makes a small crater on the ground.
"Thor!" Steve screams
"Twilight!" Fluttershy cries
"What the hell is going on…?" Stark looks outside the window at the tumult "Oh, shit!"
Trixie shoots a huge beam on their direction "Fluttershy! Look out!" Steve pushes Fluttershy out of the way, as the beam misses them and hits the cart, destroying it, but leaving the chunks of iron intact.
"Stay here!" Steve tells the frightened Fluttershy and runs into Trixie's direction
Trixie shoots another blast, but Steve dodges it doing a somersault. Trixie keeps firing at him, and with every dodge, one more acrobatic than the other, Steve draws near.
"Stand still while I'm trying to hit you, darn it!" Trixie screams
"Sorry, no can do" Steve says dodging another blast.
Very close now, before she can shoot another blast, Steve jumps and delivers a kick on Trixie's head, knocking her out cold.
"Sorry for that, ma'am" Steve says "But you have some explaining to do"
"Oh, Steve…" Fluttershy says, running to meet him "That was so… so… valiant!"
"Steve, remind me to never piss you off" Stark says, meeting them "Scratch that: remind me to wear a helmet when I piss you off. Oh, I see you found my raw materials. Rarity?"
"Yes?" Rarity asks from the library doorframe
"Could you use your head boner to bring those chunks of metal inside? Thank you"
Thor wakes up and tries to stand. He screams and falls.
"Thor! Stand down!" Steve says "You broke your leg!"
"Here, use me as a crutch" Stark says, helping his friend stand, while Steve and Fluttershy carried the still unconscious Trixie, and Rarity levitated the iron chunks.
"You know something, Steve?" Stark says as they walk towards the library "I think I know why you were so cool with this body swap thing"
"Oh, really?" Steve says, a little curious "Do tell"
"You basically got swapped with yourself!" Stark says "I mean, look at you! Blonde, similar hairstyle, very strong, very fast, very agile…"
Steve smirks "You know something, Tony? That may be the closest thing to a compliment you…"
"…very annoyingly righteous, same boring personality and I bet you're both virgins too" Stark concludes "Sorry, what were you saying?"
Steve frowns, annoyed "Forget it"
As they enter the library, they notice something that wasn't there when they left: A pink cannon in the middle of the room.
Stark raises his eyebrows "Wha—"
"PARTY TIME!" Pinkie shouts, firing the cannon which covers the library with all the balloons and confetti of yesterday.
"JESUS CHRIST!" Stark yells "Stop doing this ninja shit, you pink creature from hell!"
Stark's surprise causes him to let go of Thor, who hits the floor and cries in pain.
"Oh, shit" Stark says, helping him stand again "Sorry, buddy"
"What's wrong with her… him?" Pinkie asks, worried
"He broke his leg" Stark explains
"That's a shame… but it could be good!" the always optimistic Pinkie says "Is he an actor? Because if he is, that means good luck!"
"Saying 'break a leg' brings good luck" Stark says "Actually breaking a leg does not!"
"Well, don't worry, Twi… Thor… Twor" Pinkie smiles "Even if you can't dance, I'll make sure you'll still have fun on my party!" Pinkie then turns to Steve Jack "Hi, Applejack! Nice for you to come in! Have fun! Just don't eat too much cake like you did in that dream we had last night"
"Wait, what?" Stark says "What did she said?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am" Steve apologizes "But I'm not Applejack"
"Oh, you're one of Stark's friends?" Pinkie asks "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie"
"Nice to meet you, Pinkie Pie" Steve greets back "I'm Steve"
"Nice to meet you, Steed"
"Steed?" Stark says "No, you're thinking of the other 'Avengers'!"
"Pinkie, this is the third friend of ours who's swapped" Fluttershy says "How you can be so… 'okay' with all of this?"
"Don't be silly, Fluttershy. There's nothing to be worried about" Pinkie answers "Everything will go back to normal in the end. Like it always does"
"Speaking of that, we need to go back to research or nothing's going back to normal" Stark says "Our options are running out quick"
"What we need is a song to inspire us!" Pinkie proclaims
"No, we do n—"
"Loose, hoofloose,
Kick up your horseshoes
Please, Cream Cheese
Pull me off of my knees
Applejack, come back
Come on, before we crack
Lose your blues
Everypony cut hoofloose!"
"That's… Kenny Loggins' Footloose!" Stark says
"No, silly!" Pinkie giggles "That's Pinkie Pie's Hoofloose"
"My ass it is!" Stark replies "You stole it! I don't know how you did it… In fact, I don't know how you do lots of things, but you stole it! You just changed some lyrics for horse-related puns!"
"What's going on in here?" the occupants of the room turn their heads to see Big Macintosh and Applebloom.
"Oh my God! A male pony!" Rainbow Stark shouts "The legends were true!"
"Big Mac! Applebloom!" Pinkie hops "I'm so glad you came to my party!"
"We didn't come for a party, Pinkie" Applebloom said "We came looking for Applejack"
"Eyup" Big Mac agreed
"Oh, you sure you won't stay? We have cake and…" Pinkie stops "Oh goodness! The cake! I forgot the cake! MY PARTY IS RUINED!" a fountain of tears burst from Pinkie's eyes as she cries on the floor.
Steve approaches Pinkie, worried "Pinkie, are you okay?"
Pinkie raises her head, smiling like nothing had happened "Yes. You guys stay here. I'm going to Sugar Cube Corner to bring a cake. I'll be back soon" and with that said, Pinkie Pie happily hopped out of the library.
"That pony's mind must be a fascinating place…" Stark says
"Oh, Applejack" Applebloom hugs Steve "We were so worried about ya when ya didn't come home last night!"
"Oh, I…" Steve didn't know what to say "I'm sorry… uh… you"
"Okay, kiddo" Stark says, pulling Applebloom by her tail "Hugging time is over"
"Hey!" Applebloom protested
"Applejack, we were really worried" Big Mac says "Where were you?"
"I..."
"She was here all night" Stark butts in "You didn't need to worry. Now, if you excuse us…" he says, pushing Big Mac and Applebloom towards the exit
"Here all night? Doing what?" Big Mac asks
"Secret, private stuff" Stark answers "There's the door…"
"Like what?" Big Mac insists, getting a little irritated
"Like the kind that is none of your business" Stark says "Man, you're nosy"
"Rainbow Dash, I'm her brother!" Big Mac says, angry "I have a right to know!"
Stark pauses to think. What could he say to get rid of Big Mac as fast as possible?
"She was having sex" Stark says, deadpan
Big Mac's angry face disappears to give place to an expression of shock/embarrassment "Oh, I-I…"
"She has a life outside you guys, you know. And she would rather you didn't pry on it" Stark finally pushes them outside "So, goodbye. Give us a call someday" he then closes the door on their faces
"Big Mac?" Applebloom approaches her big brother "What's 'sex'?"
"Uh… Here are some coins. Why don't you go to Sugar Cube Corner and buy yourself something tasty?" Big Mac says, still staring at the door, startled
"Ya serious?" Applebloom asks
"Eyup"
"Fuck yes!" Applebloom cheers, and runs towards the cake store
"STARK!" Steve shouts, angry
"What?"
"Why did you do that?"
"What?" Stark asks again
"With all the excuses you could concoct, you went with sex? You don't even care what this may mean for this poor girl's reputation, do you?" Steve says "Of course, I shouldn't expect anything else from you. That filthy mind of yours… corrupting the purity and innocence of these ponies!"
"Good Lord, Steve! Could you sound any gayer?" Stark replies "These idiots don't even know what 'fuck' means. What do you think they know about sex?"
"I know a lot about sex!" Fluttershy declared
All the eyes turn to her. She blushes.
"I-I mean… I take care of animals…" Fluttershy says "I even count the newborn bunnies after mating season is over… so… of course I know about sex… I just don't like talking about it…"
"It's okay, Fluttershy" Steve says "I don't like talking about it either"
"The shier they are in public, the freakier they are in bed. It's what I always say" Stark quips
"STARK!" Steve shouts
"You really thought we didn't know about sex?" Rarity asks "How did you think we reproduced?"
"I don't know. I thought you were just magically created out of nothing like Smurfs" Steve says "And how do you do it, anyway? I can't find my genitals, and believe me, I've searched"
"STARK!" Steve shouts
"ROGERS!" Stark mocks him
"M-my friends!" Thor says, from the pillow where he was resting "We should be focusing on the ordeal at hand"
"He's right. We're gonna need protection now that Discord is out there. Good thing you brought these big chunks of iron here" Stark turns to Fluttershy "Fluttershy, Applejack brought me some tools. They're down in the basement. Could you fetch them for me?"
"In the basement? A-alone? I…" Fluttershy looks at Steve I need to be brave "Yes, Sir" she says, determined, and marches down the stairs.
Stark rises an eyebrow at Steve "What did you two do in that cave?"
"We mined the iron" Steve answers
"Yeah. What else?"
"Nothing. Why?"
"Didn't you see the way she looked at you?" Stark asks "She totally wants to jump your bones"
"She does not!" Steve says, irritated "I don't know what 'jump my bones' means, but knowing you, it can only mean one thing"
"Why are we only focusing on the armor?" Rarity asks "Shouldn't we be searching for the magic spell…"
"Why bother?" Stark interrupted her "As we all saw, Thor can't do magic to save his life, we can't trust Trixie…"
"That should have been obvious from the beginning" Spike, who had just tied up the still unconscious Trixie and shoved a cork on her horn, said "If you had asked for my opinion, we wouldn't…"
"Shut up, servant" Stark says "You were enslaved for your services, not for your opinions"
"I'M NOT A SLAVE!"
"…and you, Rarity Potter, keep whining about not being good enough" Stark concludes "So, why should we bother?"
"Because if we don't, then Discord will still be on the loose" Rarity replies "Because if we don't, our friends will be lost forever!"
"You're right. I forgot. Sorry" Stark sighs "But it's hopeless! Are you sure the Elements of Deus Ex Machina are the only way of defeating Discord?"
"Well, Princess Celestia did manage to trap him for over a thousand years, maybe we should contact her" Spike says
Rarity shakes her head "It's no use, Spike. When Princess Celestia called us the day before yesterday to tell us that Discord had escaped, she told us that she could only do it with the Elements of Harmony"
"Wait, so when Celestia imprisoned Discord, he got stuck in that statue for over a thousand years. But when you guys did it, it only lasted one day?" Stark asks "Wow, you guys really suck at this"
"Excuse me, but Discord was secured and everything was fine until YOU showed up" Rarity points out
"Sure, blame the foreigner" Stark says "In any case, I think we should try your Highness anyways, I mean, why the hell not?" Stark takes a piece of paper, and writes his letter
"Here, do your thing, slave" Stark shoves the letter inside Spike's mouth, who coughs it out
"I'm not a slave!" Spike screams
"Fine, fine. 'Vassal'" Stark makes quotation marks in the air
"That's better" Spike says, and then unfolds Stark's letter to read it…
Dear Princess Zelda or Whatever,
I don't know you and you don't know me. But you probably already heard about me in the letter Clever Hans wrote you yesterday. I'm currently inside one of your subjects, Rainbow Dash. Yeah, I know. I should have taken her out for dinner first.
The problem is: I'm not the only "surrogate" around here. Your beloved Twilight Sparkle committed a magical mistake trying to make the brooms take water from the well for her, and now she's someone else too. And so is Johnny Appleseed. It also seems that this may have to do with that dude you call Discord. He escaped, by the way. I think Baby Sinclair should be severely punished for his incompetence.
So, you see, things are getting ugly. And they can get even uglier unless you take your lazy fat ass out of your throne and come here to help us before your whole stupid kingdom is swapped with my world. Who knows? Maybe you'll get swapped with Rebecca Black.
Sincerely,
A Very Pissed Off Tourist
Tony Stark (A.K.A. The Guy Inside Rainbow Dash)
Spike gasps "You can't send this to Princess Celestia!"
"Why? Because I ratted you out?"
"Because you're disrespectful to her!" Spike says
"So? What she's gonna do? Banish me?" Stark says "Guess what? I don't wanna be here"
Spike frowns "If you don't mind, I'll edit your letter to make it more acceptable" he says pulling a pen
"Actually, I do mind. I…" Suddenly, Stark feels a sting on his chest. A horribly familiar pain. The kind he felt when Obadiah Stane yanked the Arc Reactor off of his chest. He barely even notices when he collapses in the floor, jerking his body…
"Wow. He really minds!" Spike gulps
"Stark!" Thor screams
"Oh, dear" Rarity says, apprehensive
"Tony! What's wrong?" Steve says, approaching him "Tony! Talk to me!"
But Stark couldn't speak. The world had turned blurry. And, in a matter of seconds, everything was darkness…
What… What's happening? I can't see shit!
Me neither.
Who's there?!
I'm Rainbow Dash. You?
Tony Stark.
Oh. So, you're the one using my body?
Yep.
Oh…
Where are we? What's going on?
I think I know, but you ain't gonna like it…
What do you mean?
Loki. He… he killed me…
What?! He killed you? But… that's my body! He killed me!
Yeah. He said that if one of us died it was possible that we met inside the head of the survivor… or that we both would die…
So… we're dead?
I guess.
That sucks.
Tell me about it.
But… how… I mean… what happened?!
It… it was awful! He killed everypony! H-he killed Bruce…
Bruce?! How's that possible?! He can't… Oh, God! Pepper! Is she okay? Please, tell me she's not…
I don't know… Sorry, I… I really don't know…
Oh God, please, no…
I'm sorry…
God…
So… what happens now?
I don't know.
…
…
…I'm scared.
Me too.
And then a burst of light cuts the darkness, as the world turned blurry again, slowly shifting into focus…
"He's coming back!" Stark hears Steve's voice "Give him room to breathe"
"I…" Tony tries to say "We…"
"You gave us a mighty scare, Tony" Steve says "You actually stopped breathing for a few seconds there"
"Weneedtocomeback!" Stark says, abruptly
"What?"
"WE NEED TO COME BACK NOW!" he yells
Oblivious to what just happened upstairs, Fluttershy finally found Applejack's bag of tools.
She just searched a dark, empty basement alone! Steve will be so proud!
She's moving towards the stairs when a shine catches her eye. She looks at Stark's experiment table, where his device was assembled. The gems from the Elements were no longer there. They were levitating, near the ceiling, in a circle, displaying a magic sparkle.
"Oh, my… Was t-that supposed to happen?" Fluttershy asks herself "Uh… Stark?" she calls in her usual quiet, coy manner "I think you should come down here… that is, if you don't mind…"
The gems begin to form a ball of magic energy which begins to grow.
"Uh… Stark?" Fluttershy says, as the orb grows larger and larger, approaching her "Steve? Somepony? Help?"
Fluttershy was now cornered, with nowhere to run, as the orb was ready to swallow her.
"STEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Fluttershy screams, before being engulfed by the expanding orb of magic.
There's something that I want to ask about Applejack's family.
I've only watched the complete first season, and about fifteen episodes of the second season. None of the third season. So, I don't know everything. That's why I want to ask something that others may know.
So far, I've only seen the parents of Twilight, Pinkie Pie and Rarity appear on the show. The pegasi don't seem to have family, as I haven't seen any relatives of Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy or Scootaloo. But it's Applejack's mysterious parents that concern me.
I assume Granny Smith is Applejack's Grandma because her name is Granny and all. So, we have a generation skip here. Granny is there. BigMac, Applejack, and Applebloom are there. Their parents/Granny's child isn't.
Are they dead? Maybe, but here's the problem:
During the "Cutie Mark Chronicles" episode (which shows flashbacks of how the Mane Six got their Cutie Marks) we see Applejack as a young filly. APPLEBLOOM WASN'T BORN YET. Were Granny and Big Mac there? Yes. Were Applejack's parents there? NOPE. So, since Applebloom still had to be born, the parents were still alive, but ABSENT.
Do you guys think that Applejack's parents are deadbeat and simply drop their children to Granny's care as soon as they're born? Do you think that Applejack only ever saw her parents the day they came to the farm to drop baby Applebloom and just went back to the world to live their lives of irresponsible hedonism? Did they ever appear on the show so my theory can be shot down?
Is this theory stupid and depressing?
I'm sorry...
CHAPTER TEN
DR. SELVIG
(Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Chaos)
"Feeling comfortable?" Bruce asks Tony Dash
"Yeah, but this is the 'calm before the storm'" Dash says, lying down in the chair while Bruce strapped the cables to her reactor "The part I hate comes when you push that button over there"
Banner chuckles "Well, thankfully, this will be the last time you'll have to go through this"
"Clint called a few minutes ago" Natasha, who was holding Loki's scepter for 'Emergency Shut Off' purposes, said "Loki can dissolve the magic block. In fact, he could do it all along. He just didn't because he's an asshole"
"Hear that, Dash?" Pepper said "Soon you'll be back to your home and all of this will be over"
"Yeah… I… want to thank you. All of you" Dash says "There are so many things I want to say…"
"We know" Pepper said
"Everything's good to go" Dr. Selvig announced "Now we just need Mr. Witchery to arrive so we can start"
"You won't have to wait long" Jarvis said "I detect a Quinjet about to land on the roof"
"That's it, girls. Finish line. Are you ready for this?" Dash asks Twilight Odinson
"Ready as I can be" Twilight smiles
"What about you, Applejack? Applejack?" Dash turns her head in Apple Rogers' direction
Apple was staring at Tony Dash's shirtless abs, blush on her cheeks.
"Applejack!" Dash shouts
"Uh, what?" Apple says as if she was waking up from a (day)dream
"Excuse me, I must alert y*!45¨457&*(SYSTEM FAILLLLLLLLURRRRGHS!46*(*&+}/#$"
"Jarvis! What's wrong?" Pepper asks, apprehensive
"BzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzDANG-DANG-DANGRERERER Lalala banana-a-a-a-a"
"JARVIS!"
"You-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u Heeeeeehheeh have co-co-comp aneee $%&%$GUESTSSSSS AReVaYD()"
"What's wrong?" Bruce asks "Did he say 'guests arrived'?"
"Jarvis!" Pepper pleads one more time. But only static came back.
"This is not normal" Twilight muttered to herself "This is not good"
"I'll go upstairs to check it out" Natasha said, still carrying the scepter
"Be careful" Banner warned
Arriving on the Penthouse, Natasha sees no sign of life "Jarvis! Can you talk to me? Where are the 'guests'?"
"Beeeeee hi-hi-hi"
"What?"
"Behind grapefruit" he says, faintly
"Agent Romanoff!" Natasha turns to see Loki behind her "How kind of you to bring me my scepter"
"You!"
"It's fascinating what a little chaos magic can do to a machine, isn't it?" Loki says, smirking
"Lasagna" Jarvis said, with as much contempt as a computer could express
"What you did to Clint?" Natasha asks, angry
"What didn't I do?"
Angry, Natasha tries to hit Loki with the scepter, but he grabs it before it hits his face. After futilely trying to take the scepter out of his grip, Natasha tries to hit him with a roundhouse kick, but Loki grabs her leg with his free hand.
Unable to move, Natasha looks at Loki with an expression that she hardly ever demonstrates: fear.
Smiling, Loki makes a simple movement with his wrist and twists Natasha's ankle.
Natasha falls on the floor, holding back her screams. Loki quickly pins her down and grabs her hair, pulling it, so he can talk to her face.
"Such arrogance and stupidity" Loki smiles "to think you, a woman, could ever best me in battle"
Natasha spits on his face.
"Defiance. The last resort of the defeated" Loki says, before he punches her hard in the face, knocking her out.
Loki cleans the saliva off of his face and grabs his scepter.
"She should have been back already" Twilight remarks
"I don't like this…" Bruce says
"What's goin' on? Can somepony explain to me?" Apple says
"I'll go check" Pepper says moving towards the stairs
"That won't be necessary, Ms. Potts" Loki appears in front of her.
"Oh my gosh!" Apple says
"Loki!" Bruce shouts, moving towards them
"That's close enough!" Loki says, grabbing Pepper and pressing the blade of his scepter against her neck "Not one more step"
Bruce stops, his back turned against Twilight, Dash, and Apple, staring at Loki.
"Is that green I see in your eyes?" Loki asks him "Do you really think that is a good idea?"
Bruce's shoulders fall as he hangs his head in defeat.
"That's better" Loki says "Now, would you kindly give one step forward?"
Bruce eyes him with disgust but complies. Quickly, Loki touches Bruce's chest with his scepter, as Banner's eyes turn white.
"Oh, no" Selvig whispers
Loki laughs "Oh, what to do? I would love to make you squash your little friends, but the creature is too unpredictable for me to risk it. Turn around"
"Alright" Bruce says, numbly as he turns his back to Loki
With incredible speed, Loki throws Pepper against the wall, where she falls unconscious. In the same fraction of a second, with both hands free, Loki snaps Bruce's neck.
"Dear Celestia!" Twilight cries
"Bruce!" Dash screams as Bruce's body falls lifeless on the floor.
"You monster!" Apple shouts as she charges against Loki
Loki, however, stops her by grabbing her neck and lifting her with ease from the ground.
"Greetings. I believe we haven't been introduced yet" Loki smirks "I am Loki" and saying that, he throws her through the window, where she falls screaming to her doom.
"Applejack!" Dash cries "No!"
"Excuse me, I'm going to need this" Loki says, yanking the arc reactor off of Dash's chest
Dash's body begins to jerk with pain. Loki unceremoniously throws her out of the chair. She faceplants on the floor.
Twilight was horrified. This couldn't be happening. Her first instinct was to blast Loki with her magic. She even pointed her forehead at him. She even pointed it at Applejack, trying to save her. Useless. Helpless. Without her magic, what could she do? Just stare as her friends were…
Killed?
With tears on her eyes and rage on her heart, Twilight charges "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
"Not if I kill you first" Loki says and stabs Twilight on her belly with the scepter.
Pain.
Twilight wanted to scream. But she didn't, like her vocal chords were too shocked to react. She has never felt so much pain. She touches her wound. She looks at her hands. Blood. Her blood. She falls to her knees.
"Pathetic sentimentalism" Loki says, and turns to Selvig "Hello, Doctor. I think it's time we restart our partnership"
Erik grabs a screwdriver from the table and presses against his own throat "I rather die!"
Loki smiles "You're not going to kill yourself, Doctor"
"Yes, I will!"
"No, you won't" Loki says and calmly touches Selvig with his scepter
"No…" is all Erik manages to whimper before his eyes turn a ghostly blue and he's under Loki's control once again.
"So, Doctor" Loki smiles "A little bird told me you found a way to make the portals self-sustainable"
"That's correct" Selvig said, smiling stupidly "Dr. Banner came up with most of the theory as he would tell you himself if you hadn't killed him"
"So, you could open more than one portal?" Loki asks "That would remain open indefinitely?"
"In theory, yes"
"Could you open one right now?" Loki lifts the arc reactor he pulled from Dash's chest "With this?"
"Sure" Selvig answered, smiling "We just need to charge it long enough to…"
"Erik…" Twilight says, faintly "Don't do it…"
"Silence!" Loki says, shooting a concussive blast from his scepter at her "Continue your work doctor"
Twilight falls just a few steps away, her face pressing against the cold floor. She now sees Dash trying hard to speak…
"Twi… Twilight… I…"
"Rainbow… Stay with me!"
Dash tries to speak again, but her mouth doesn't make any sound. Slowly, life vanishes from her eyes.
"Dash… no…" Twilight cries
Dr. Selvig presses the button. The machine in connection with Tony Dash's arc reactor opens the rift to Equestria. Loki concentrates on the hex on the other side. He removes it, replacing it by one of his own. Selvig turns off the machine, but the portal remains open.
"There. The portal is unblocked. Consider that a little gift of mine to you" Loki mockingly tells Twilight "Now, me and the doctor will take the machine and the Tesseract to make some portals of our own. We won't need this anymore" Loki drops the arc reactor on the floor and stomps it, destroying it, as Twilight watches, helplessly.
Back on the roof, Hill had regained consciousness.
"Barton? Barton?" Hill tries to awaken Clint, but it's useless "Shit! Agent down! Loki has escaped! Anyone copy?" she yells at her earpiece, but only static comes back. And she's pretty sure she heard the word 'Carpaccio' in the middle of the noise.
"It would be wise to stay down, Deputy Hill" Maria turns to see Loki and Selvig coming out of the roof access.
Hill raises her gun, but Loki's faster, touching her chest with his scepter. Hill was under his control now.
"Can you fly that vehicle?" Loki points to the Quinjet
"Yes, sir" Hill answers in the same manner she would answer Fury
"Please" Loki smiles, as Maria enters the Quinjet and Selvig loads the machine.
Clint manages to regain consciousness just in time to see them flying away "Shit…"
"Meat… balls… REBOOTING, PLEASE WAIT…" Jarvis voice comes from the ceiling "CALIBRATING PREFERENCES… Oh, it's good to be back…"
"I… I… I failed them" Twilight, who was slowly but surely recovering from her stab wound, said while choking back tears "I couldn't save my friends… They're… they're d…" she breaks down and cries
"Ms. Sparkle, please, pull yourself together" Jarvis said, with the best tone of urgency he could express "There's still a faint sign of life on Master Stark's body. I need you to replace his chest reactor"
"Loki… Loki destroyed it…" Twilight says, drying her tears
"Take this one" a mechanical arm comes out of the ceiling, holding a small circular object.
Twilight takes a second to stare at the mechanical marvel before grabbing the arc reactor and rushing to Tony Dash's side. "Please work, please work, please work…" she says, turning Dash's body and inserting the reactor on her chest.
After a few apprehensive seconds, Dash catapults back to life.
Twilight shed tears of happiness "Oh, Rainbow… I thought I lost you"
"I… I was…" Dash tries to say
"Don't say it"
"I talked with Tony Stark"
"Wait, what?" Twilight asks
"GAK!" Bruce coughs, as he suddenly gets up
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Twilight and Dash scream in unison
"What… what happened?" Bruce speaks with difficulty, caressing his throat. Twilight notices a weird green glow slowly fading away from his neck.
"You… you were dead!" Dash shouts "Loki snapped your neck!"
"Wow, really?" Bruce asks
"YOU WERE DEAD!" Dash repeats
"Well, I got better" Bruce answers
"Got better?! YOU WERE DEAD!"
"To be fair, so was you" Twilight chimes in
"I'm hard to kill" Bruce explains
Suddenly, they hear a noise and turn to the stairs to see Clint and Natasha climbing down, using each other as crutches.
"Is everyone alright?" Clint asks
Twilight lowers her head "Applejack…"
Dash sheds a few tears.
"Pepper is hurt" Bruce says, putting her body gently in a chair "Nothing really serious, but she will need rest and care"
"Loki escaped" Clint says "We need to…"
"Hello? Can somepony hear me? Help!"
"Is that… Steve?" Natasha asks
"Applejack!" Dash shouts, and moves towards the broken window.
Looking down, Dash sees Apple Rogers standing on top of one of the many tower cranes surrounding the Stark Tower construction area, waving at her.
"Oh, thank Celestia" Dash sighs, relieved "It's Applejack! She's alright!" she yells to the others who come to see her.
"Can somepony help me out here?" Apple yells
"Stand back!" Clint says, unfolding his bow and taking an arrow out of his quiver. He aims a few inches away from Apple Rogers' feet and releases the string.
The arrow hits and attaches itself to the metal structure. Behind it, a strong steel wire led the way back towards the broken window.
"Climb up!" Clint shouts to Apple, while fixating the other end of the wire on the floor.
Apple looks down at the vertiginous height that separates herself from the ground "'Climb up', huh? Easy like that, huh?" she laughs nervously, and begins to climb.
"Nice shot!" Twilight tells Clint
"Guys, should we be worried about that?" Natasha points at the little rift in the time/space continuum that floats over the table.
"Oh, man…" Banner says "Loki opened a portal…"
"And he unblocked it too" Twilight says
"What?!" Bruce and Dash say in unison
"At least, that's what he told me… when I was bleeding on the floor…"
"When you were WHAT?!" Dash shouts
"Yeah, he stabbed me. You saw it, don't you remember?"
"Twilight, the only thing I remember is panic and hitting my face on the floor" Dash says "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, surprisingly" Twilight answered "I don't feel anything anymore"
"Fast healing" Bruce says "One of the advantages of being an Asgardian"
"Guardian of whose ass?" Dash asked
"Asgardian? What is that?" Twilight asked
"What you are" Bruce answered "Asgard is the homeland of Thor and Loki. They are a lot tougher there than the 'puny humans' from here"
"Is that how you survived?" Twilight asked "You're an Asgardian?"
"Who, me? Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm… I'm something else…"
"Can we go back to the orbiting light of doom?" Clint says, pointing to the rift
"Oh, right! You said it's unblocked?" Dash asks Twilight "So we can go back!"
"Loki said it's unblocked" Twilight pointed out "Do you really think we can trust him?"
"Are ya crazy?" Apple, who just arrived through the window, said "That son of a mule, sorry for my potty mouth, tried to kill us all! We can't trust that bastard in whatever it is ya two are talkin' about"
"But it could be our only chance…" Dash protested
"Rainbow Dash, there's no way we can be sure…" Twilight started
"Yes, there is" Dash said "I'll go"
Suddenly, Natasha has a strong headache. She looks at the rift, which is pulsing. Something doesn't feel right…
"Rainbow, are you sure you wanna go inside?" Bruce asks
"I'm not afraid"
"I know you're not" Bruce says "But this thing could take you anywhere. Far away from Equestria. As far as we know, Loki may have made it so anyone who gets in contact with it is disintegrated"
"So, we just wait?" Dash said "I'm sorry, but I'm tired of this. I'm willing to take the risk"
"You're willing to die?" Bruce asks
"Yes"
"You're willing to leave them?" Bruce points at Twilight and Apple
Dash stops. She looks at Twilight and Apple both with fearful looks on their eyes "I… Pinkie… Fluttershy, Rarity… They need me in Equestria…"
"We need ya here" Apple says
"You're needed in both places, Rainbow" Bruce says "But you can't help anyone if you're nowhere. And as far as we know, Tony may be the only trump card your friends have on their side. What will happen to him if you go inside, if anything goes wrong?"
Dash hangs her head and turns around, moving away from the portal.
"Believe me, you made the sensible choice" Bruce says
"That'll be a first" Dash replies with a small smile
"We need to do something about Loki" Clint says "He escaped in the Quinjet with Dr. Selvig and Hill under his control. We need to stop them before they get too far. Contacting the Helicarrier, explaining the situation, and requesting another Quinjet will take too long"
"So, what do we do?" Twilight asked
"Rainbow Dash, we need you to fly after them" Clint says
"What?!" Dash asks, incredulous "Did you suffer brain damage? I'm not a Pegasus anymore! I can't fly!"
"Actually, you can" Jarvis said
"Wait, what?" Twilight says
"I can?!" Dash asks
"She can?" Apple asks
In the middle of the room, a couple of tiles disappear to leave room for two mechanical boots "Ms. Dash, please insert your feet on the boots"
Dash gives in a puzzled look.
"If you don't put those boots on, I will" Clint says
Dash looks at Twilight, who nods. Dash puts the boots on. They lock in.
"Whoa! What the hay?"
Suddenly, two heavy machineries appear from the ceiling "Ms. Dash, please insert your arms in the apertures of the machines at your sides"
Dash gulps but complies. As soon as she does so, more machines appear from the ceiling and the ground, slowly encasing her in a suit of armor.
Twilight and Apple watch, dumbfounded
"The contingency plan…" Twilight mutters
"Man of Iron…" Apple whispers
"What the hay is going on?" Dash shouts, mildly panicking
"Please, stay still, Ms. Dash" Jarvis said "It will be over in an instant"
Finally, the helmet begins to assemble over Dash's head, who gives one last look of confusion and mild panic, before the faceplate closes in.
"Welcome to the Iron Man Suit, Ms. Dash"
Twilight Odinson and Apple Rogers stare at the red/gold metallic figure before them. Dash, who's just as confused, looks at her metal-gloved hands.
"I wouldn't point that to your face if I were you, Ms. Dash" Jarvis warns
"Uh… okay, then…" Dash says, pointing her palms down.
"Rainbow Dash, you…" Apple starts "You look great!"
"Do I? Thanks!" Dash replies
"I know you and your friends would love to talk about your new outfit, but I must remind you we have a Quinjet to catch"
"Okay, but… how I'm supposed to fly with this?" Dash asks him "I still don't have wings and even if I had, I'm not sure being encased in a heavy suit of armor, no matter how cool it is, would facilitate my flight"
"Since this will be your first time using the armor, I will guide you through most of the course" Jarvis says "Now, get ready for takeoff"
"Takeoff? What…" Dash begins to say when the jet boots ignite, launching the armor at neck breaking speed through the windows and towards the skies "HOLY SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…"
Twilight and Apple recover from the surprise.
"An armor… that can fly…" Apple stutters
"Stark built that?" Twilight asked, a feeling of inferiority briefly taking hold of her
"He built seven of those" Clint answers "Now that Rainbow is in pursuit, we need to contact the Helicarrier and explain the situation. They'll send someone to give us a ride. We better go to the roof"
"I'll stay here" Bruce says
"We need all the help we can get" Clint protests
"I think the Big Guy will be more of a nuisance than help under these circumstances" Bruce says "Plus, Pepper needs medical care"
The Big Guy? Apple Rogers and Twilight Odinson exchange curious looks
"You're not a medic"
"And you are?"
"I have first aid training" Clint replied
"Look, you may be a little more qualified than me to take care of her. But you are a LOT more qualified than me to go after Loki. I'm more useful here" Bruce says "Plus, someone has to keep an eye on that" he points to the rift
"Okay, then" Clint says "You ponies want to stay here too?"
"Ya said yaself" Apple says "Ya need all the help ya can get. And I'm not gonna let that monster get away with trying to kill my friends"
"I'll help anyway I can" Twilight says
And how can you help? Clint thinks but keeps to himself "Okay, let's go"
Natasha gives two steps, before falling down, holding her head, feeling a horrible headache.
"Tasha! Are you alright?"
"It's just my ankle" Natasha lies "It's nothing. Let's go"
"You call your head 'ankle' now?" Clint says "Maybe you should stay here with Banner, so he…"
"I said I'm fine" Natasha says, determined, going towards the elevator
"Where are we heading, sir?" Maria Hill asks, piloting the Quinjet
"That's a pertinent question, Deputy Hill" Loki answers "Where should we go first? Is the portal device ready, Doctor?"
"Point and shoot" Selvig answered, the stupid smile still glued on his face
"Well, now that you found a way to make more than one portal, we, obviously, won't open just one" Loki says "I believe our attack will be a little harder to contain once my troops are coming from portals on every single continent. Still, we need a noteworthy first stand. This may sound a little trite but… take me to your leader"
"Adjusting flight plan for Washington DC" Hill said "Hmm… Sir? It appears we are being tailed"
"Ms. Dash, I would appreciate if you stopped screaming"
"WHAT'S GOING ON?! HOW CAN THIS FLY SO FAST?! WHAT ARE THESE BLINKING LIGHTS ON MY FACE?!"
"The Heads Up Display showcases any information you may desire" Jarvis explains "and any information I may consider important or essential for the users of the armor, be it for their survival or the completion of their mission"
"This is only becoming 'essential' for my headache!" Dash replies "How can Stark read these stuff?"
"Master Stark has a multitasking mindset" Jarvis says "We are approaching our target. Use your hand repulsors to help you brake"
"Like this?" Dash puts her hands forward. She begins to move backwards "Whoa!" she turns her hands back to stop her momentum. After a few more brakes, she stays still, floating in the air "Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this!"
"As you should. Master Stark designed the armor's software for intuitive use" Jarvis said "It shouldn't be much harder than flying on your own. Any other aspects of the armor like targeting and artillery can be activated by voice command or synapse tracking. Just think and I'll do the rest"
"Wait, you can read my thoughts?" Dash looks at a bird in the distance. Suddenly, her HUD zooms in, showing a picture and the name of the species "Cool! What else can you do?"
The HUD starts to fill up with all kinds of information Tony Dash requests by thought alone, from the world record for fastest solo flight (held by Stark himself) to cupcake recipes.
"This is so cool!" Dash laughs "Jarvis, you're awesome!"
"Ms. Dash, may I remind you we have a mission?"
"Oh, right. Sorry, Jarvis"
"It's quite alright" Jarvis replies "It feels good for someone to finally recognize my, as you would say, awesomeness"
Dash laughs "You're my kind of computer guy, Jarvis"
"Thank you. Target at 12 o'clock" Jarvis says "Taking the hostages into consideration, full assault and heavy artillery is out of question. A moderate repulsor blast will be good enough to delay them for a more efficient approach"
"Eh?"
"Point your open hands at it"
"Oh, got it" Dash fires at the Quinjet
"Incoming!" Hill shouts before the whole jet shakes, making her hit her head against the controls.
"Oh, Jesus!" Selvig says, trying to maintain the machine steady.
Irritated, Loki opens the loading ramp, so he can shoot his scepter at Tony Dash "Why can't you stay dead?!"
"Executing evasive maneuvers" Jarvis says as the Iron Man armor does a barrel roll.
Inside the Quinjet, Maria Hill recovers consciousness, no longer under Loki's control. Silently, she grabs her gun, aiming at Loki's head.
"Loki! Watch out!" the still brainwashed Selvig warns him
Loki turns just in time to dodge Hill's shot. Now, some of you may argue that Loki didn't need to do that because he's impervious to bullets. Humans are impervious to baseballs. Have you ever been hit by a baseball in the fucking face? It fucking hurts, man! Even if it doesn't kill you, you DO NOT want to be hit by a baseball in the fucking face!
"Shit!" Hill tries to shoot again, but Loki is onto her. He punches her in the face and, while she's disorientated, throws her out of the Quinjet.
"Loki just threw a hostage out" Jarvis said, while the HUD zoomed in Hill, displaying her picture, name, and rank.
"Got it!" Tony Dash said, and dashed to the rescue.
Loki sits on the pilot seat, angry. This is a job for servants, not kings. But he doubts the good doctor knows how to pilot this vehicle. Provisory situations require provisory actions. Good thing the Deputy already established a flight plan "Secure the device, doctor. We must leave this mortal cesspool they call a city immediately"
Meanwhile, Hill was still falling to her death before the, oh, so soft, metallic arms of the Iron Man armor caught her in the air.
"Nice day for a flight, isn't it?" Dash jokes to Hill
Hill only takes a second to bark orders "You need to go back to pursuit right now! Before Loki escapes!"
"Yeah, and I'm supposed to fight while holding you, huh?" Dash asks "What if he throws Dr. Selvig out too? No. I'll bring you back to the tower, then we try to put Loki back into the Cookie Jar, ok?"
"My safety is not a priority!" Hill stubbornly insists "Loki is a dangerous war criminal! You need to resume pursuit now!"
"No way, lady" Dash says "I'm bringing you to safety"
"Turn back now! It's an order!"
"You're not the boss of me!"
"It's charged!" Selvig says "Say the word and we'll open another portal!"
"Not here, doctor" Loki says "Their armed forces are still stationed on this area ever since our last battle. Response to a new attack would be immediate. That would be… troublesome"
"What about the one you opened in the tower?" Selvig inquired
"That wasn't for my troops" Loki says "That was just for our equine friends, as you should know already"
"Well, of course" Selvig smiled stupidly "But I have to say… it was surprisingly nice of you to unblock it…"
"Oh, I didn't just 'unblock' it" Loki smiled "I improved it. Now, the swapping process will be faster and randomized. The victim won't even need to come within reach to be displaced"
"Oh, that makes sense" Erik simply said, and went back to his work
What Loki didn't tell him, however, is that he had help. He can't quite explain it, but when he was performing his hex, he felt a mysterious force from the other side helping him. Like they both wanted the same thing. Who was it? Doesn't matter. It worked, didn't it?
"Here she comes" Clint tells the others, as Dash lands on the roof, carrying Maria Hill
"There you go" Dash says, dropping her "Safe and sound"
"He got way!" Hill protests "You let a mass murderer escape! I hope you're happy"
"You're welcome" Dash says, slightly irritated
"Rainbow Dash, that… that was…" Apple says "You were awesome!"
"Thanks!" Dash winks "Are you going to contest my 'Iron Pony' title now?"
Apple chuckles, and then says under her breath "Ya used your wings. Ya cheated"
"Says Ms. I'm An Earth Pony Which Means I Have A Natural Advantage At Strenght" Dash replies, angry "I won. Deal with it"
"You already rescued me!" Hill buts in, angry "Why don't you go back after him?"
"Actually, Hill" Clint says "I contacted the Helicarrier. Fury wants to talk with all of us before we take any further steps. They already sent another Quinjet"
"But…" Hill starts to protest but sighs "I… I can't remember where they're headed. I just know it's not here. I do remember something about Selvig being able to open more than one portal, and that Loki intends to exploit that ability"
"Why is Selvig helping him?" Twilight asks
"It's the scepter" Natasha explains "It makes everyone who's touched by it change their allegiance for Loki's. If you three are really going all the way through with this, you need to remember: Don't let him touch you with the scepter!"
The Quinjet arrives and every man, woman and pony in the roof boards it. Natasha walks with difficulty, tormented by her headache. She tries not to show it. Dash is doing a little dance inside the armor.
"Uh… Jarvis? Can I ask something just between us?" Dash talks inside the helmet "How do you take this thing off? It's been almost two days that…"
"You can pee inside the armor, Ms. Dash" Jarvis answers
"How did you…"
"I can 'read' your thoughts, remember?"
"Oh, right" Dash says "But… pee inside the armor? This doesn't sound very…"
"Don't worry, Ms. Dash" Jarvis replies "The armor was built with this predicament in mind. It runs it through a filtration system. You could drink that water if you…"
"Ok, ok. I got it" Dash says "…are you sure?"
"Yes, ma'am"
Dash was about to ask again, but she couldn't hold it any longer. She releases.
"Ah! Much better!" Dash said, relieved "Wait a minute! My pee… is coming from… THIS IS NOT A FINGER!"
15 minutes ago...
"I said I'm fine" Natasha says, determined, going towards the elevator
"Agent Romanoff" Bruce says "I can take a look if you…"
"You already have a patient, Doctor" and with that, she and the others took the elevator.
Bruce sighs and stays beside the unconscious Pepper. He analyzes the injuries. Nothing serious. Where is the First Aid kit?
"Jarvis? Where is the First Aid kit?" he asks, but receives no answer. Guess Jarvis is still recovering from Loki's attack in the tower: Unable to be in the Iron Man suit and the tower at the same time… Maybe he's running an anti-virus or something…
Bruce searches the lab, avoiding the glowing portal, looking for the kit.
He finally finds it under a table. His joy is cut short, however, when he turns and sees the portal expanding, ready to swallow him.
"Oh, crap…" is all he says before being sucked in…
Bruce blinks his eyes, as the world reappears before him. Except… this wasn't Stark Tower's ceiling!
He stands up and looks around. This is definitely NOT Stark Tower, it's a… a… bakery? Yes... A cake store to be more precise. Bruce approaches the glass counters to see his reflection. Yup. As he suspected. He's no longer in New York and he's no longer himself. He's a pony.
He understands now why Rainbow Dash freaked out when he showed her the picture of a pony. They were nothing alike. Bruce's pony body had big blue eyes, a round face, and, perhaps the most remarkably different characteristic of all…
…he was pink!
CHAPTER ELEVEN
PINKIE AND THE BRAIN
"WE NEED TO COME BACK NOW!"
"Tony, calm down!" Steve Jack pleaded with Rainbow Stark "What's wrong?"
Stark takes a few seconds to breathe "Loki escaped" he says
"What?!" Thor shouted
"No, 'Discord' escaped" Spike says "His name is Discord"
"Shut up, Wally Gator" Stark snaps angrily at Spike "This is serious! Loki escaped!"
"How do you know that?" Steve asked him
"Lesbian Dash told me in the limbo" Stark said
"What?" Steve says, confused
"Wait, who's Loki?" Rarity asks
"He's our Discord" Stark answers
"He's my brother!" Thor replies
Rarity and Spike turn to Thor Sparkle
"…or… he used to be…" Thor says, sad
"Rainbow said that he killed Bruce" Stark continues
"That's impossible!" Steve says
"I know, I know" Stark says, exasperated "She doesn't know what happened to Pepper! God, Steve, if anything happened to Pep, I… I…" a single tear falls from his eye
"Nothing happened, Tony" Steve tries to reassure him "She's okay. You need to have faith in that"
"I need to go back! That's what I need to do!" Stark yelled
"STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" everypony in the room turns, surprised, at the basement direction, where Fluttershy's scream came from.
"Uh… what? Where's mommy?" Trixie mumbles, awaken by Fluttershy's scream
"Oh, dear. It's Fluttershy" Rarity says, worried "What could have happened?"
"Let's find out" Steve says, trotting down the stairs "Ms. Fluttershy, ma'am? Are you alright?"
Steve finds Fluttershy in the ground, an expression of fear paralyzed on her face.
"Fluttershy! Oh, my God! I need help here!" Steve yells to the others.
Meanwhile, at Sugar Cube Corner...
"Your cake is ready, Pinkie" Mrs. Cake said, while she and her husband came out of the kitchen holding the cake.
Pinkie, however, didn't turn. She was looking at her reflex on the glass counters, thoughtful.
"Uh, Pinkie?" Mrs. Cake calls her again "Your cake"
Pinkie kept reflecting at her reflection, lost in thoughts.
"I think she didn't hear you, honey" Mr. Cake says
"Pinkie, your…" Mrs. Cake begins to say, but stops, feeling tired all of sudden. Her knees falter, and she falls on the floor.
"Honey!" Mr. Cake says, worried
Pinkie finally notices them "Oh, my. Lady, are you okay?"
"I… I'm feeling a little tired, that's all…" Mrs. Cake said, trying to get up. Mr. Cake and Pinkie help her.
"She's been feeling tired often these last weeks" Mr. Cake says, still worried
Pinkie gives in a thoughtful look "When did you start feeling fatigue?" she asks
"I don't know… last month?" Mrs. Cake says
"I see. I think you should sit down" Pinkie says, pulling a chair. Mrs. Cake sits. Out of nowhere, Pinkie pulls a stethoscope and places it on Mrs. Cake belly.
Pinkie stops, looking at her stethoscope "Where did this come from?" she shakes her head, and places the stethoscope back into Mrs. Cake belly "Have you been feeling nauseous lately?" she asks Mrs. Cake
"Only in the morning" she answers
"I see"
"I didn't know you were a doctor, Pinkie" Mr. Cake says
"I have a minor in biology" Pinkie answered "It's not the same as a full medical education, I know, but it was good enough. All other necessary skills, I learned by practicing while I was on the run"
"On the run?" Mr. Cake asks, shocked "You're a fugitive?"
Pinkie looks at him "Uh… kind of…"
"Oh, my, Pinkie!" Mrs. Cake said "What did you do?"
"Look, I can explain, Ms…" Pinkie pauses "What was your name again?"
Mr. and Mrs. Cake stare at Pinkie, incredulously
"We're the Cakes!" Mr. Cake says, enraged "We gave you food, a roof, a job! And all this time you've been lying to us!"
"Carrot, please" Mrs. Cake pleaded to her husband "I'm sure Pinkie meant no harm"
"But, honey, we've been harboring a fugitive!" Mr. Cake says "We don't even know if her name really is Pinkie!"
"It's not"
"What?!" they turn the heads towards the pink pony
"My name is Bruce" Bruce Pie said
"Spruce?" Mrs. Cake said
"Is there anything true about you?!" Mr. Cake yells
"Carrot, calm down" Mrs. Cake pleaded
"Look, Mr. Cake, I'm sorry" Bruce said "I don't wanna cause trouble for the future parents"
"Wait, what?!"
"Your wife is pregnant, Mr. Cake" Bruce smiled "Congratulations"
Mr. & Mrs. Cake stare at Bruce before looking at each other, tears of joy in their eyes.
"Oh, Carrot, this is wonderful!" Mrs. Cake said
"We've been trying for so long" Mr. Cake says, kissing his wife
Bruce smiles at them. He always wanted to be a father, and since he can't, it's nice to see others fulfill his dream.
That's when it hits him.
"Excuse me, I need to talk with… uh…" what was her name again? "…Rainbow Dash. You know where I can find him… her?"
"She's probably on the library party, dear" Mrs. Cake said "That's where you said you were heading to"
"Oh, the library… alright" Bruce says "Where is the library?"
Mr. and Mrs. Cake stare at Bruce, confused.
"I'm not feeling myself today" Bruce explains
"The library is the big hollow tree in the middle of town" Mr. Cake said
They built a library inside a hollow tree? That's like storing shark oil inside the carcass of a Great White.
"Thanks" Bruce Pie said "I gotta go" and with that, Bruce left the cake store in a hurry.
"Wait, Pinkie! Spruce!" Mr. Cake said "You forgot your cake!"
But Bruce didn't pay attention to him as he didn't pay attention to the yellow filly who was just outside the door, eavesdropping everything.
Pinkie is a fugitive! Applebloom thinks as she watches 'Pinkie' rushing towards the library I need to tell the others
"You know, I should have suspected" Mr. Cake says "'Pinkie' did sound like a made up name"
"I don't care about her real name" Mrs. Cake said with a smile "She'll always be Pinkie to me"
"Well, what's in a name?" Mr. Cake chuckled
"Speaking of which" Mrs. Cake said, caressing her belly "If it's a filly, I want to name her Pumpkin"
Back at the library…
"How many fingers am I holding up?" Stark asks the disoriented Fluttershy
"W-what are fingers?" Fluttershy asks, her eyes rolling all over the place
"You don't have any fingers, Tony!" Steve says, annoyed
Stark shrugs and goes to the next usual 'concussion question' "What's your name?"
"Shutterfly…" Fluttershy answers still dizzy
"She's gonna be alright" Stark says as Rarity, Steve and Spike frown at him
"Can somepony untie me, please?" Trixie asks
"Fuck off, Harry Fraudini" Stark snaps at her "We ain't gonna let you go after what you did to Thor"
"What the hay did I do to him?!" Trixie yells
"What you did to him?" Stark says, angry "You broke his leg after playing squash with his body in the town square!"
"What? No, I didn't. I…" Trixie turns to look at Thor, sitting on his pillow, who looks back at her, angry "I… I…"
"You don't remember?" Steve asks her
"No, I…"
"Oh, come on, Steve" Stark says "She's just trying to save face. It's all she does: try to save face"
"I… I didn't mean to" Trixie turns to Thor Sparkle "I'm sorry"
"You didn't mean to? Oh, yeah. Your screams of joy were totally unintentional" Stark mocked, angry "Next you're gonna say the voices made you do it"
Trixie eyes widen "The voice… THE VOICE!" she shouts "The voice made me do it!"
"Jesus Christ, you're pathetic" Stark says. Trixie sheds a few tears.
"I'm not feeling very well…" Fluttershy moaned
"Tony, we need to take care of Fluttershy" Steve says
"She's fine! We need to find our way back!" Stark barked back "Don't you understand? With Loki free and we stuck here, everyone is in danger!"
"How do you know Loki is free?" Steve asked, annoyed
"I already told you! I…"
"Ahem! Excuse me?"
They turn their heads towards the door, where 'Pinkie' stands.
"Not now, Pinkie" Stark says "I'm sorry but we're in the middle of something important"
"Tony? Is that really you?" Bruce Pie asks
Rainbow Stark looks inquisitively at him.
"It's me, Bruce!" Bruce says
"Bruce?" Stark asked "Bruce! Oh, my God! You're okay!" Stark hugs his pal "But… Rainbow said you were dead… Pepper! Is Pepper okay?"
"Yes, Tony, she's fine. A few bruises, but nothing serious"
"Oh, thank God, Bruce" Stark hugs him even tighter "But… Loki? He…?"
"Escaped?" Bruce completes for him "Unfortunately"
"So… another friend of yours?" Rarity asks
"Oh, right. Bruce, meet the guys" Stark points at Steve Jack "This is Steve as a manlier version of himself" Steve glares at him "The one in the pillow is Thor who went from Norse God to Horse God. Except for the 'God' part. The tied one is Trixie the Traitor" Trixie frowns, her eyes red "The odd couple over here is Rarity and Spike, who live in sin. And the one drooling on the carpet is Fluttershy"
"Is she okay?" Bruce asks, worried
"I'm not feeling very well…" Fluttershy moans again
"She's fine" Stark says "She just caught a rare disease that makes her say 'I'm not feeling very well' over and over again" Steve, Rarity, and Spike frown at him "Hey, where's the cake? You were supposed to bring us cake! If you say the cake was a lie, I'll punch you in the face!"
Bruce ignores him "What happened, Fluttershy?"
"P-Pinkie?" Fluttershy asks Bruce with difficulty
"Almost" Bruce smiles softly at her
"T-the Elements…"
"Elements?" Bruce asks
"Elements of Harmony" Stark says "It's a stupid thing they have here. Apparently, it can cure cancer or something. The only thing it doesn't do is bring us back home!"
"So I've heard. Rainbow told me about them" Bruce turns to Fluttershy "Please, continue"
"The Elements… they were floating…" Fluttershy mumbles
"Floating?" Stark asks
"Light… an orb of light... it…"
"Swallowed you?" Bruce asks. Fluttershy nods.
"Does that mean something to you?" Stark asks Bruce
"It was how I was brought here" Bruce says "Loki opened a rift. It grew, swallowed me, and I woke up here like this"
"Wait, what?" Stark says "But… if what happened to Fluttershy happened to you… then she should have changed bodies with you, not Pinkie! Pinkie wasn't even close to the basement! That… that doesn't make any sense!"
"And what fun is there in making sense?"
"Wait, what?" Stark says, looking at the ceiling
"Oh, no…" Fluttershy whimpers
"Oh, dear" Rarity says
"Oh, now you hear the voice, huh?" Trixie says with scorn
"Oh, my. I'm repeating myself. How shameful" the voice continues "Then again, considering that only two of you were there the first time, is not that bad"
"Where is it coming from?" Bruce asks
"Over here, my little ponies"
They turn their heads towards a portrait on the desk. The portrait had Twilight and Spike smiling to the camera with goatees and glasses drawn on their faces. In between them was…
"Discord!" Rarity yells
"Wait… that's Discord?" Stark laughed "He looks like a kindergartener's imaginary friend! What's so scary about him?"
Discord snaps his fingers. Stark's mouth is stitched shut.
"Mmmf! Mffgh!" Stark panics trying to open the stitches
"Here, let me help you" Bruce says, pulling a pair of scissors out of nowhere, trying not to think where they came from or how he is able to use them without fingers.
"I'm sorry for that" Discord said "But I don't wish to be interrupted right now"
"What do you want?" Steve asks
"The same as always: Have fun!" Discord answers
"At others' expense?" Steve asks
"Is there any other way?" Discord jokingly asks
"Listen, mister" Steve says, serious "I've dealt with men who deemed themselves Gods before. Men who worshipped power, who put themselves above others, who brought misery to everyone in their path. They all fancied themselves so powerful and invincible, but as long as there's a single free spirit in the world, as long as there is someone willing to fight, the forces of tyranny will never prevail!"
"For Christ's sake, Steve" Stark, whose mouth had just been freed by Bruce, said "Stop talking like a Saturday Morning Cartoon" Stark takes a minute to stare at Bruce Pie. He then looks at Rarity and Spike, turns to Discord on the portrait and, finally, back to Steve "Actually, I think we are in a Saturday Morning Cartoon. Go on"
"The forces of tyranny will never blah, blah, blah" Discord mocks "You think I haven't heard that before?"
"I don't know" Steve says "Was it before or after you were defeated and turned into stone?"
For a fraction of a second, Discord's face seems enraged, but soon turns into a cocky smile "Nice one, Mr. Rogers, nice one. Just one thing, though: I only got defeated because of the Elements of Harmony which, get that, aren't working anymore" he then turns to Stark "By the way, I wish to thank you, Tony Stark. If wasn't for your natural knack on creating disharmony and contempt, I wouldn't have been freed"
All eyes turn to Rainbow Stark "Oh, fuck you all! This is as much as your fault as it is mine" Stark protests "Had you all agreed with me, there would be no disharmony!"
"Tony, please, shut up" Bruce pleads, silently
"We don't need the Elements!" Steve proclaimed, defiantly "We only need this kingdom's love for their freedom to fight you!"
Stark puts his hoof down his throat as if simulating vomiting.
"I guess you don't know these ponies like I do" Discord said "Yes, there are some ponies like Twilight and her friends who are willing to put on a little fight. But the majority of them? Spineless little wimps who panic at the first sign of trouble. Ruling them is so easy, it's almost laughable. You will never find enough ponies that are willing to face me. They're all too afraid"
"That may be true" Steve says "But humanity too has suffered moments of fear, weakness, and indecision. Many watched as dictators rose to power, too afraid to do anything to stop them, but all those people needed was for someone to take the first stand, to set an example, to give them hope. And I bet these ponies are no different"
"You bet, huh? Okay, tell you what" Discord said "Since I'm such a good sport, I'll give you 24 hours to rally the ponies of this town before I really start to spread chaos. I won't even interfere. If you all need me, I'll be at Ghastly Gorge. Good luck. You're gonna need it" with that said, Discord disappeared in a small puff of smoke.
"Jesus Christ" Bruce says
"We're doomed" Fluttershy cries
"Don't say that, Fluttershy" Steve says "We won't go out without a fight"
"I don't know, Cap" Bruce says "This guy looks very powerful"
"Bruce is right" Stark says "It looks like he could erase us from reality with just a thought. Luckily, he's either too proud or too stupid to realize that, so we have that in our favor. Exactly how much destruction he caused last time he was free?" he asks Rarity
"He turned this town upside down!" Rarity says "He turned the houses in cardboard cut-outs, he made clouds rain chocolate, and he made me mistake a big rock for a diamond!"
"That's it?" Stark asks "No one died? He just… joked around? And here I thought he was a serious threat…"
"Well, maybe once he makes you act like a duck, you will think it's serious" Rarity replied, angry
"Look, darling" Stark said "I woke up as a Pegasus in a world full of magic Technicolor horses who, just like the inter-dimensional Norwegian deity over there, all conveniently speak English. Even if he turns me into a talking hotdog, he can't make this situation more ridiculous than it already is"
"It is a serious threat, Tony" Steve says "He's trying to deny these ponies their freedom!"
"I know a lot of people who deny ponies their freedom" Stark quipped "They're called petting zoo keepers"
"Hello?" Trixie interrupted "I'm still tied!"
"So?" Stark asks
"So? So let me out!" Trixie protests "You all saw it was Discord's fault, not mine!"
"Sure it was" Stark said, sarcastically
"Actually, even though Trixie and we may have our differences" Rarity says "I believe she's innocent here. Discord does have the power to turn ponies against each other"
"Just like Loki did with Barton" Steve says "Let her go, Tony"
"Can't she untie herself?" Stark asked with a smirk "What kind of lousy magician can't untie herself?"
Enraged, Trixie concentrates hard until her magic forces the cork out of her horn, sending it flying towards Rainbow Stark's eye.
"Ouch!" Stark cries in pain "You almost shot my eye out!"
Without a second to lose, Trixie magically unties herself and then, ties Stark with the rope, turning him upside down and knocking his head against the floor, repeatedly.
"Ouch! Ouch! Quit it!" Stark pleads
"Why don't you untie yourself, huh?" Trixie asks
"Trixie! Stop it!" Steve says
"Why? He deserves it!"
"He's defenseless!" Steve says, serious "I forgave your attack against Thor because you were under Discord's control, but tormenting Tony like that makes you nothing but a bully!"
"Oh? And you don't like bullies?" Trixie asks with a raised eyebrow
"No, ma'am" Steve says, slightly irritated "I do not"
"Then, why are you friends with one?"
Surprised, Steve is left speechless by Trixie's question.
"Yeah. I thought so" Trixie says, releasing Stark from her magic "You can keep him. I'm sick of all of you. You can all rot as far as I'm concerned" she then leaves the library, without looking back.
"Trixie, wait…" Rarity said, but Trixie was already gone
"Awkward…" Bruce mumbles
"We can't worry about her, right now" Steve finally says "We have 24 hours until we face Discord"
"You can count on me to assist you in battle, my friends" Thor proclaims
"Thor, your leg is broken" Rainbow Stark pointed out
"It is?" Bruce asks, shocked
"Why did you think he was on the pillow?" Stark asks Bruce
"Why isn't he at the hospital?" Bruce asks
"There are no hospitals here" Stark said
"Yes, there is" Spike says
"Oh" Stark says "There is. Well, then, take him to the hospital, Yoshi"
"I don't need—" Thor begins to protest
"Thor" Bruce says "It's better"
"You heard it" Stark says "Doctor's orders"
"Take Fluttershy too" Steve says
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Steve" Stark says
"And why is that?" Steve asks with a raised eyebrow
"Thor has a broken leg. A normal injury. Easy to treat" Stark explains "Fluttershy was engulfed by the magic elements of body-swapping and other fucked up things. I doubt the hospital will know what to do with her"
"So, we're just gonna let her here in pain?"
"She's not in pain" Stark says "She's just dizzy. She just needs to rest, that's all"
"I'd like to rest now then…" Fluttershy says, weak "If you don't mind, that is…"
"Here, I'll help you to go to bed" Steve says, helping her climb the stairs
"Come, Thor" Spike says "The hospital is not far from here"
"I'll help you, dear" Rarity says as the three leave the library
"Alone at last" Stark jokingly says to Bruce
Bruce chuckles.
"You know, I'm kinda bummed that Giggles got replaced by you. I'm gonna miss her" Stark says "But then again, you're my best buddy and, like the saying goes: Bronies before ponies"
"Brony is not a word" Bruce says
"Yes, it is" Stark says "It's 'Bruce' plus 'Tony'. It's our couple name"
"We're not a couple, Tony"
"We're not?" Stark says, pretending to be hurt "After all those special moments we had? Am I just a toy to you?"
"Tony, stop it" Bruce says, chuckling "You don't wanna make me an—" he stops mid-sentence and turns to Stark "Tony, make me angry"
"What?"
"Make me angry!" Bruce says "Punch me in the face! Annoy me!"
"Are you feeling okay?"
"PUNCH ME!" Bruce yells
Stark complies, punching Bruce hard in the face "A-are you okay? Was it too hard?"
Bruce snaps at Stark, a look of fury on his face. The look soon turns to joy.
"I can get angry" he says, smiling
"What?"
"I can get angry!" Bruce starts to bounce around the room, much like Pinkie used to do "Oh, God, it's been so long since I could get angry. It feels wonderful!"
Stark smiles "Yeah, you're free"
"I am, ain't I?" Bruce smiles back "I'm no longer the Hulk!" suddenly, Bruce shows an expression of dread "Oh, no"
"What is it?"
"Whoever is in my body now is the Hulk!" Bruce says, panic in his voice "I've spent years learning how to keep the Hulk in check! Whoever is in my body doesn't know how to control it! If she gets angry…"
Stark laughs "Pinkie getting angry? I don't think you should be worried about…"
"…or too excited" Bruce completes the thought
"Oh" Stark says "We're fucked"
Upstairs, Steve Jack had put Fluttershy in the bed.
"There you go" Steve says
"Thank you" Fluttershy says, weak "Wait, where you're going?"
Steve, who was just about to climb down the stairs, turned "I was about to meet the others. Why?"
"I… I don't want to be alone…"
"Want me to tell you a story?" Steve asks
"I'm not a baby" Fluttershy says, slightly annoyed
"I know you're not" Steve says "Is just something to help you sleep. I'm gonna tell you one of my favorite stories. It's about a lion who was considered cowardly, but together with his friends: Dorothy, Toto, the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodsman, he bravely defeated the Wicked Witch and they all became heroes of the Wonderful World of Oz"
"I… I think I'm gonna like this story…"
Back downstairs…
"We need to go back!" Bruce says
"I know that!" Stark says "But to do that we need to force the Elements of Stubbornness to cooperate!"
"And where are these elements?" Bruce asks
"Down"
In the basement, Bruce Pie and Rainbow Stark approach the inert elements on the table.
"These?" Bruce asks
"Yeah, I know" Stark says "Just a bunch of jewelry. It's stupid, really"
"They're glowing" Bruce says, pointing to the no longer inert gems
"What?"
"And levitating" Bruce continues "in circles…"
"Oh" Stark says, watching the phenomenon "That's new…"
Suddenly, the gems fly up in the air, spinning faster and emitting a bright light.
"Oh, shit!" Stark says, covering his eyes "It's gonna open another portal!"
Stark waits. But nothing happens. Slowly, he opens his eyes. In the middle of the room, Bruce Pie stood, holding a glass jar with the spinning Elements safely trapped inside.
"What did you do?" Stark asks him
"I don't know" Bruce answers "I kind of… acted on instinct…"
"Good instinct" Stark says, examining the jar "Trapped in a jar… like Loki! Glass trumps magic! It's so obvious now! Where did you find the jar?"
"I don't know…" Bruce says "I've been… taking stuff out of thin air lately…"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Holy shit!" Stark says "You got Pinkie's 'Fuck you, Universe, I do what I want' powers!"
"Pinkie's what?"
"Her reality warping powers!" Stark says "She can pull cannons out of her ass and other impossible shit!"
"How does she do that?" Bruce asks
"I have a theory" Stark explains "She's actually the Avatar of the Almighty God of Partying, sent to Equestria on a holy mission to purify all ponies and dance for their sins"
Bruce stares at him "That's the weirdest thing I ever heard you say"
"You're a pink pony" Stark replies
"Good point" Bruce replies "We need to study these things, see why they're acting like this"
"I'm pretty sure it has something to do with that Island of Dr. Moreau's reject" Stark says
"Obviously" Bruce says "But we need to understand how these things work, if we hope to go back home"
"Good luck with that" Stark says "There's an entire library about magic above our heads. I've read through it. But it's magic, Bruce, not science. Nothing we can do"
"I have a theory" Bruce says "By watching that blue unicorn levitating you, I gathered that magic seems to work by emanating some kind of radiation. Luckily for us, I have a PhD on that" he finishes with a proud smirk
"Bruce, have I ever said you're smarter than me?" Stark asks
"Wow, Tony, that… that means a lot coming from you" Bruce replies
"Because I'm so smart?" Stark asked
"No" Bruce replies with a smirk "Because you're so self-centered and arrogant that I never expected you to deem yourself inferior to anyone about anything"
"Ouch" Stark says. After a few seconds, both friends start to laugh.
"No, seriously, I mean it" Stark says after they stop laughing "You're so focused on your 'Hulk problem' that you don't realize how brilliant you really are"
"Thanks, Tony" Bruce says
15 minutes later…
"We're back" Rarity says, entering the library with Spike
They see Bruce Pie reading Twilight's magic books while examining the Elements with a microscope that Stark disassembled and then put back together again so it would be easier to use it against the jar.
Rainbow Stark is in another table, tinkering with the computer parts he took from Twilight's computers in the basement.
"What are you two doing?" Rarity asks
"I…" Bruce starts before being interrupted by Stark
"My armor is useless without a CPU and since Jarvis is not here" Stark says "I'm using this obsolete hardware to put together a Desperately Assembled System with Holographic Interface for Navigation Guidance. Dashing, for short"
"O… kay?" Rarity says "And you?"
"He's meshing magic and science together" Stark answers
"Technically, since it can be studied, observed and replicated" Bruce says "Magic IS a science"
"Magic is just science we don't understand yet, huh?" Stark laughs
"Actually" Bruce says, taking his eyes out of the microscope, a huge smile growing on his face "Magic is just science I understand now!"
"Come again?" Stark says, surprised
"Magic in this universe seem to work like the Tesseract back home" Bruce explains
"The zero point extraction theory?" Stark asks
"Exactly" Bruce answers
"I'm sorry, the zero what?" Rarity asks
"Zero point extraction theory" Bruce replies "It states that, theoretically, it could be possible to draw energy from the vacuum and convert it into a usable form"
"It's how we believed our little one-color Rubik's cube did its thing" Stark complements "Imagine the whole universe is full of untapped energy, energy that you can't tap because it is, quite literally, on nothingness. Now, imagine you could harvest that energy and—"
"They don't need to imagine" Bruce says "They do it all the time. The unicorns' horns work as a natural conduit for zero point energy extraction while the Elements work as amplifiers. It's how 'magic' works! It converts zero point energy into, in its most basic uses, concussive blasts and tractor beams. With the right training and/or apparatus, you could use it to transfigure matter and even tear the fabric of reality itself!"
"That's simply brilliant, Bruce" Stark congratulated his friend "You solved it!"
"Thanks"
"How come you couldn't solve it, Stark?" Rarity teased with a cocky smirk "I thought you were the genius…"
"We all have our fields of expertise, honey" Stark replies "I'm the machines guy. Bruce is the radiation guy. It's just like you and Twilight. You're both unicorns that can do magic, but you two don't excel at the same things with it. Twilight casts powerful spells, breaks the laws of physics, teleports, and, like Bruce said, tears the fabric of reality itself. And you… well, you sew"
Rarity shoots him a death glare.
"Still, knowing how this works is not enough" Bruce say "To go back home, we need to find a way to harness and control it"
"Control what? Magic?" Steve asked, climbing down the stairs
"Oh, hey, Steve" Stark said "Didn't know you were still here"
"Fluttershy has just fallen asleep" he then turns to Rarity "Speaking of which, how's Thor?"
"He just needs to rest for a few days. Nurse Redheart says he's lucky that it wasn't anything more serious" Rarity says "Though it took quite a while to discourage her from interning 'Twilight' in the psychiatric ward"
"Right" Steve then turns to Stark "And what are you doing, Tony?"
"I…"
"He's creating a new Jarvis to complement the armor that he hasn't built yet" Bruce answers for him
"How long will it take?" Steve asks
"Well, I need to recreate a complex artificial intelligence who answers to voice and thought commands, that can maintain my suit, and navigate it through an environment that is complete alien to me and, therefore, unmapped. All that using incredibly obsolete technology" Stark says "So, about 20 more minutes"
"You do that" Steve says, marching towards the front door "I need to make the ponies of this town stand up against Discord"
"This isn't gonna work…" Stark says under his breath as Steve leaves the library
In the middle of the town's square, Steve Jack watches the ponies, waiting for the perfect time to make his announcement.
"May I have a minute of your attention, please?" Steve declares. Some ponies stop their business to pay attention to Steve.
"Thank you" Steve continues "I must inform you that Discord has been freed again and…"
"DISCORD IS FREE!" a random pony screams and the entire town explodes in panic
"Wait! If we just stick together…" Steve tries to say but nopony is listening
"WHO'S DISCORD?!" a panicking pony asks
"I DON'T KNOW!" another mare screams nearby "BUT I'M SCARED!"
"People! People! I mean ponies… Please, calm down" Steve pleads "Discord is the creature who tormented this town with complete chaos not long ago, but if…"
"OH, NO!"
"HE'S FREE!"
"CHAOS AND MISERY WAITS EVERY ONE OF US!"
"No! We can fight him if we just…" but everypony was screaming unintelligibly
"Oh, Lyra" the pony named Bonbon whines "What we're gonna do?"
"We must go to my closet and hide" the cyan pony named Lyra answered her friend
"Your closet?" Bonbon asks. Lyra nods. Bonbon understands "Oh, right. We must go to your closet… to hide… because that's what we're gonna do there. Hide"
Lyra and Bonbon scan their surroundings to make sure nopony is looking and then rush to Lyra's closet. To hide.
"Hiding won't do you any good!" Steve protests
"HE'S RIGHT!" a pony screams "RUN FOR THE HILLS!"
Everypony starts running.
"That's no use! He can catch up to you!" Steve shouts "If you start running, he will never let you stop!"
"LET'S DIG A HOLE AND JUMP IN IT!"
"Seriously? WE NEED TO FIGHT!" Steve screams
But everypony already ran to their houses, locked their doors, closed their windows and drapes, and Steve could swear he heard the sound of a piano being pushed to block a door.
Steve is left in the deserted square, all alone.
"GODDAMNIT!" Steve shouts, then looks at the heavens "Sorry for taking your name in vain"
"So, tell me cap, where are our troops?" Stark asks Steve who has just returned to the library
Steve just stares at him.
Stark sighs "I knew it wouldn't work. You ain't gonna inspire these ponies to do shit. You're not Captain America here, Steve"
"Wait, you're a captain? A real captain?" Rarity asks Steve
"Uh… yeah"
"Oh, dear Celestia! This is wonderful!" Rarity beams "I thought Stark was just joking but… A real captain! I always wanted to meet a captain!"
"You get all moisty near princes AND captains?" Stark said "My gold-digger senses are tingling"
"Tony…" Bruce gives a look of disapproval
"Wait, Captain America?" Spike asks "I thought your name was Steve"
"America is the name of our homeland" Stark explains "United States of America. We have 51 states. The biggest one is called Canada"
"Canada is part of the United States now?" Steve asks him
"Tony!" Bruce says disapprovingly "No, Steve. Canada is not part of the US. Tony is joking"
"Oh, right" Steve says, frowning "So we're still 48 states"
"Uh, no" Bruce says "Hawaii and Alaska both became states in 1959"
"Anyways" Stark continues "The government decided to name Steve Captain America because he's the perfect embodiment of our nation"
Steve smiles proudly
"He's as old as Uncle Sam and as boring as Baseball" Stark concludes
"BASEBALL IS NOT BORING!" Steve snapped at him
"Yes, it is" Stark said "And, as I was saying, to fight Hitler and his idea of a nationalist Aryan Race, the government dressed a blue-eyed, blonde Übermensch in the American flag. An inspiration to us all"
"So, they dressed him in your kingdom's flag?" Rarity asks "To inspire ponies?"
"We're not from a kingdom and we're not ponies, but yeah" Stark says
"Idea!" Rarity sings "Steve, darling, would you give me the honor to confect a captain his uniform?"
"Uh, sure, but…" Steve says "I'm not sure we have time to take measurements…"
"Oh, darling" Rarity dismissed it "Don't worry about that. I know Applejack's measures by heart. Just stop by at my place later to see if you like it"
"We have a problem" Bruce says "I think I know a way to neutralize the swapping effects of the Elements and harness the power within the gems, but I need tools… and open space. Lots of open space"
"I know where we can find both" Stark turns to Spike "Which way is Old MacDonald's Farm?"
"What?" Spike asks "You mean Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Whatever" Stark replied
"You follow that road" Spike pointed "You can't miss it"
"Thanks, Shorty" Stark says "C'mon, Steve, I need you to draw those big chunks of metal, plus mine and Bruce's equipment, to the ranch"
"Why me?" Steve asks
"You're stronger" Stark says "Also, the farm belongs to 'your' family. And we need to talk to them, and it's better if 'Applejack' is there with us"
"Fine" Steve sighs, and starts to push the chunks of metal to the exit "Can you take care of Fluttershy?" he asks Spike
"You can count on me, Captain" Spike salutes. Steve smiles and salutes back.
"Remember to stop by later, darling" Rarity says and goes her way to design a uniform worthy of an Equestrian Captain.
A few minutes later, Big Macintosh was busy plowing the field, when he sees 'his sister', 'Rainbow Dash', and 'Pinkie Pie' arriving on the horizon, drawing a cart full of metal and equipments.
"Hey, Happy Meal" Rainbow Stark addresses him "We need to talk to you for a moment"
"What did you call me?" Big Mac asks him, confused and slightly irritated
"Happy Meal" Stark says "That's your name, right?"
"Enope!" Big Mac said, angry "It's Big Mac—"
"Same thing" Stark interrupts him. Steve shoots him a dirty look
"I'm sorry for my friend's behavior, Big Mac" Steve addresses him "But we need to use your property to build something that may…"
"Oh, now ya need us, Applejack?" Big Mac cuts him off
"I'm sorry?" Steve says
"We were dead worried about you yesterday" Big Mac reprimands him "Look, you may have your private life, and I respect that, even if I don't approve, but you should have warned us if ya were to stay all night out. You don't have the right to…"
"Oh, fuck!" Stark says, facehoofing "I lied, okay? She wasn't having sex! I just wanted you to leave the library!"
"What?!" Big Mac says, surprised "Why? Why did you lie? Why did she stay in the library all night?"
"We were trying to solve something, we're still trying, as a matter of fact, and explaining everything to you would waste precious time. Just like now" Stark says
"Solve what?" Big Mac asks "Is there something wrong with Applejack?"
"Well… yeah" Stark replies "Kind of"
"What's wrong with her?" Big Mac asks, worried
"Look, it's not easy to explain, ok?" Stark tells him "She… uh… there's someone else inside her body"
"What…" Big Mac says, before turning shocked to Steve "You're pregnant?!"
"What? No" Steve says
"Yes" Stark quips "And you're the father"
"WHAT?!"
"STARK!" Steve shouts at him
"Tony!" Bruce reprimands him "He's Applejack's brother!"
"Like hillbillies never committed incest…"
"Tony! Shut the hell up!" Steve snapped at him
"W-what's going on?!" Big Mac asks, confused
"I'm not pregnant" Steve says "And I'm not Applejack"
"WHAT?!" Big Mac shouts, getting more confused by the second "What do you mean you're not Applejack?!"
"I'm sorry, but I'm not really your sister, Big Mac"
"She's App-El, the Last Pony of Krypton" Stark quips
"Stark! Why do you keep making Superman references?" Steve asks him
"You know Superman?" Stark asks
"Of course, I used to read all his comic books"
"Nerd!"
"You're not my sister?" Big Mac asks, tears in his eyes "What's Krypton? How come I didn't know? We used to play together... My sister... just a lie?"
"None of us are who they look" Bruce says "My name is Bruce, Applejack here is actually Steve, and…"
"I'm Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron" Stark says with a smirk
"…that's Tony" Bruce concludes "We're not from here. We ended up trading bodies with your sister and her friends. They are now in our world and in our bodies, and the only way we can prevent it from happening to anypony else is if you would spare us the barn and a little space of land for us to build our machines"
Big Mac just stares blankly at them.
"…and that's why we didn't waste time explaining to you" Stark says
"Wait, you're serious?" Big Mac asks
"Dead serious" Steve Jack says
"I… uh… this is a little too much…" Big Mac says "So… Applejack! She's okay? She's okay, right?"
"For the time being, yes" Bruce Pies affirms "But until we go back to our respective worlds, there's no way we can guarantee her safety. We trying to do everything we can to revert the effect, but we can't do it without your help"
"I'd do anything I can to help" Big Mac swore "Just bring my sister back"
"Great!" Bruce smiles "First, if you could just draw that cart of metal to the barn, so Tony could start building his suit..."
"Yes, yes" Big Mac says, strapping himself to the cart "What else?"
"Just point me to a good, big, open piece of land where I can build my machine and we're all set"
While Big Mac and Bruce were talking, Steve turns to Stark.
"You know…" he starts
"What?" Stark says
Steve pauses and turns away "Nothing"
"What?" Stark insists
"Nothing" Steve says again, frowning
"Was it something I said?" Stark asks
Steve glances at him.
"What was it?"
"It's nothing"
"Fine!" Stark gives up
"Big Mac is taking your stuff to the barn, Tony" Bruce approaches them "I will set my stuff there on the… is something wrong?" he says, noticing how upset they both look
"It's nothing" Steve says
"Steve is on his period" Stark said
"See? That's exactly the problem!" Steve snaps at Stark "You're unable to take anything serious!"
"We're in a word of talking dragons and unicorns!" Stark replies "How can you take any of this seriously?"
"You said that explaining the situation to Big Mac was a waste of time, and yet you waste our time interrupting our explanations to make some stupid joke that we in turn have to explain to him!" Steve was almost shouting "And could you please take your mind of the gutter and stop with the sex jokes? He was her brother, for Christ's sake!"
"I'm so fucking sorry for having a sense of humor!" Stark shouted "I didn't mean to hurt yours and these ponies' delicate little girly feelings!"
"Tony!" Bruce reprimanded
"Trixie was right" Steve says with scorn "You're nothing but a bully"
"Oh, so that's the problem!" Stark says "The great Captain Hypocrisy is friends with a bully! Oh, no! His precious image is tainted forever! If it makes you feel better, Cap, we're not friends! We're barely even coworkers"
Steve opens his mouth to talk but closes it "You know what, Stark?" he finally says "It does make me feel better"
"Steve, look, Tony didn't mean to…" Bruce starts to say
"No, Bruce, I did mean to" Stark says, angry "I'm tired of Gramps here with his tired 'Oh, things were so much better in the 40's than they are now. Kids today have no respect. We had honor back then. And also Nazis and cholera epidemics' You think you're so fucking special. That you're the paragon of virtue while I'm some kind of shit that's stuck in your pixie boots. Tell you what, Rogers, I don't care how many times you punched Hitler in your little stupid USO show. You didn't earn that power. It was given to you. So, stop with your Knight in Shining Armor crap and get off your high horse!"
"Tony" Steve says, with clenched teeth "Put on a helmet"
"What?" Stark asks before receiving a powerful blow from Steve right in the face
"I warned you. Like you asked me to" Steve says, and turns to Bruce "Find a way to revert the swapping process fast, Banner. I have to go to Rarity's to check up on the uniform"
"Yeah, go play dress up with your unicorn girlfriend!" Stark yells, holding his blackened eye, as Steve goes his way without even looking back. Stark then turns to Bruce Pie "Can you believe this guy?"
Bruce just stares at him.
"What?"
Bruce sighs, shaking his head in disappointment, and turning his back to Rainbow Stark
"Oh, c'mon!" Stark says "Et tu, Bruce?"
But Bruce was no longer there.
Stark sighs.
Congratulations, Stark!
You did it again!
You got the last word!
Totally worth it, huh?
Sighing again, Stark did what he always does when he feels overwhelmed with regret, self-hatred, and any other emotional burdens: He bottled it up and went to work.
Up in the clouds, invisible to all, Discord laughed with delight.
Humans and ponies. All the same. How easy it is to ruin friendships. They're so pathetically fragile. How can they not see that?
Now, Discord knows he said he wouldn't interfere, and he didn't! That was all Stark's doing. But he shouldn't be spying on them either. It's not fair. Like he ever cared about fair. But, he will leave them alone now. They won't be able to achieve anything substantial in 22 hours anyway.
But, first… maybe a little tiny bit of interference…
A few miles from there, a large figure dashes through the clouds. Its speed and acrobatics, a sight to behold. But nopony was seeing her. She is alone.
She's been alone for quite some time, now.
She lands on a cloud, staring sadly at the horizon. She looks at the ground. How many bones would she break if she falls? Sometimes this kind of thoughts occurs to her. She doesn't really know why. Would she be able to fly again? Would she be able to walk? There would be nopony around to help her, to see, to care…
Who would cry for the lonely griffon?
"You are Gilda, right?"
Gilda stops her musings to scan her surroundings "Who said that? Who's there?"
The cloud in front of her begins to take the shape of a small white Pegasus with yellow-red eyes and a little fang comming from under his lip.
"Who are you?" Gilda asks the mysterious apparition.
"Who am I? Oh, I'm nopony!" the mysterious Pegasus said "But you! You are somepony! You are Gilda, the wonder of the skies, aren't you?"
"Well, I don't like to brag…" Gilda said, ready to brag "So, you heard of me, huh?"
"But of course!" he answers "Every Pegasi worth their wings have heard of the amazing flying friends Gilda and Rainbow Dash!"
Gilda's confident smile vanishes from her face "Rainbow Dash and I aren't friends anymore…"
"Oh, that's right" the Pegasus says "Such a shame when a wonderful friendship like that falls apart" The Pegasus smiles, mockingly, but Gilda doesn't notice.
"Yeah, well, it doesn't matter" Gilda feigned indifference "Dash has her own new friends to play with…"
"What a very poor choice of friends" the Pegasus continues "She shouldn't have chosen them over you"
"Yeah, I know, but what can I…"
"Especially now that they have betrayed her" the Pegasus concludes
"What?!" Gilda asks him, surprised
"Oh, you didn't know?" the Pegasus asks, maliciously "The ponies of Ponyville exiled Rainbow Dash off this dimension, conjuring somepony else to occupy her vacant body"
"What?!" Gilda was shocked "But that's so… so evil!"
"I know!" the Pegasus smiled "I guess the ponies knew you would interfere with their sordid plans and save Rainbow Dash. That's why they turned her against you!"
Gilda pauses to think and then turns angry at the Pegasus "I don't believe it"
"I'm sorry?" the Pegasus asks, confused
"Dash's new friends are a bunch of Lame-Os but they're not evil" Gilda said "I can't see any of them being that cruel, let alone having the guts to do it. Sorry, but I don't believe it"
"Look into my eyes!" the Pegasus stared at Gilda's eyes as she fell into a trance "And you'll know it to be true"
Back at the Sweet Apple Acres, Bruce was building his 'Containment Field' to hold and study the Elements of Harmony with tools and materials that were given to him by Big Mac, always taking a moment to look at the jar which is working as a provisory 'Containment Field'.
Bruce assembles the pipes that will lead the cables to his generator. He soon finds one of the pipes to be a little too big…
"I need to find a shorter pipe" Bruce muses to himself "Or, maybe, I should just cut it. But where is…" he stops himself once he sees three young fillies in the distance "Maybe they know"
"I'm tellin' ya, girls" Applebloom says to her friends "Pinkie is a fugitive!"
"No way!" Scootaloo replies, skeptic
"I can't believe it" Sweetie Belle says
"I'm tellin' ya" Applebloom repeats "I've seen it with my own eyes! I mean, I heard it with my own ears! She confessed everything!"
"But this is Pinkie we're talking about!" Sweetie Belle said "What could she have done to become a fugitive?"
"I don't know!" Applebloom said "Maybe she ate the whole food supply of the place she used to work before and never paid for it. Y'all know how she is"
"And she would become a fugitive just because of that?" Scootaloo asked with a raised eyebrow
"Maybe she's saving her salary at the Sugar Cube Corner to pay her debt" Applebloom says
"Oh, oh" Sweetie Belle raised her hoof "Or maybe, she's a world-famous jewelry thief who stole the crowns of many queens and princesses!"
"Oh, please" Scootaloo rolls her eyes
"Or maybe she's a spy!" Applebloom said, becoming clearly excited with all the possibilities "Wanted for all the important secrets she stole!"
"Yeah, and maybe she kills ponies and eats them" Scootaloo said
The two stare at Scootaloo in horror "Ew! That's fucking disgusting, Scootaloo!" Applebloom said
"Yeah, that's ridiculous" Sweetie Belle said "Pinkie Pie would never do that"
"It makes just as much sense as what you girls were saying" Scootaloo protests
"And how would she eat anypony anyway?" Sweetie Belle continues "Ponies are too big to be eaten"
"She would cut them up, of course!" Scootaloo says, and then puts on a creepy smile "She would cut them in little slices and serve them for other ponies to eat in the form of cupcakes! Nopony would ever know they're actually eating their friends, family, and neighbors. Mwahahaha!"
"Scootaloo, stop it!" Applebloom said "Ya are scarin' Sweetie Belle!"
"I-I'm not s-scared" Sweetie Belle stuttered "I still say that's fucking ridiculous! Ponies can't be simply cut with knives. We have bones. Hard bones. How could she cut through that, huh?"
"Well…" Scootaloo starts
"Hi, little ones"
The three friends turn their heads to see Bruce Pie smiling at them
"Do you girls know, by any chance, where can I find a hacksaw?" he asks them
The fillies' eyes widen as they scream "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
Bruce cowers back, surprised "Wait, what's wrong? Was it something I said?" but the Crusaders were already running away.
"Please, don't eat us!" Scootaloo screams as she runs "Eat Diamond Tiara! She's tastier!"
"Eat you? I just need to saw off a pipe! What did you…?" but the fillies had already vanished in the horizon
"Oh, great" he sighs "Now, where will I ever find a hacksaw?" he scratches the back of his neck and then looks at his other hoof which is holding a hacksaw
"What the…? Oh, right. Pinkie's reality bending powers. I need to learn how to control this…" and so he went back to work
Back at the library...
Spike was busy, putting all the books back on the shelves They take it out and never put it back. Never. It's always the dragon who has to put it all back. Every single one of them. Maybe Stark is right. Maybe I'm nothing but a sla—
"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"
Spike turns to look and sees Fluttershy smiling coyly at him.
"Oh, hi Fluttershy" Spike greets her, climbing down the ladder "Didn't know you were awake. Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm much better, thank you" Fluttershy smiled sweetly
Spike blushes. Weird. He never felt like that with Fluttershy before "So… uh… could you help me with these books?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I would love to" Fluttershy said, smiling unsure "But I was wondering if you could tell me where the others are?"
"Oh, right" Spike said, a little disappointed for not receiving any help "They're at Sweet Apple Acres"
Fluttershy smiles awkwardly "Could you… could you point me the way?"
"Uh?" Spike looks at her, confused "You don't know?"
"It's my head…" Fluttershy says, holding her head in her hoof, a pained expression on her face
"Oh. Of course" Spike kicks himself internally. How could he be so insensitive? "Just follow the road, Fluttershy. You sure you want to go alone? I mean…"
"Oh, don't worry" she smiles again "I'm okay. It's just my sense of direction that is a little busted"
"Uh… okay, then" Spike says, going back to the books.
As soon as Fluttershy leaves the library, her expression changes to one of austerity.
Calmly going her way, Fluttershy takes time to study her surroundings. Observing every building, every pony, with intense curiosity. Her mind assimilates every information she receives, saving it on the back of her brain, to be used whenever it may be necessary. No matter how ludicrous the situation may be, she knows how to blend in.
"Hey, Fluttershy!"
The yellow Pegasus is taken away from her thoughts by surprise "What?" she looks at both sides but sees nopony.
"I'm talking to you, you little wimp!" Gilda lands violently in front of Fluttershy, shaking the ground "What did you do to Rainbow Dash?"
"I-I'm sorry?" Fluttershy stutters
Gilda suddenly charges, grabbing Fluttershy with her talon and holding it against a nearby wall "Don't play games with me! I know what you and your friends were planning! Tell me where you're keeping Rainbow Dash or I'll put you in a world of pain!"
"Take your filthy talon off of me" Fluttershy said, dead serious
"What?!" Gilda couldn't help but laugh "Don't tell me little whiny Fluttershy decided to grow a spine! It's a shame that that's the only part of you that grew, you stupid, pathetic, little... OUCH!" Gilda screams as Fluttershy had bitten her hard.
In pain, she lets her go, caressing her talon "You little bas—" Gilda is unable to complete her sentence because Fluttershy does a flying kick on her beak, leaving a small crack.
Before she can recover, Fluttershy grabs her tail, wraps it around her hind leg and pulls it, making Gilda fall on her back. She turns to her side, trying to get up, but Fluttershy grabs one of her talons and twists it against her back.
"Ouch! You little…"
"Look, you overgrown chicken" Fluttershy says "I don't know what you think…"
"I'm not a chicken!" Gilda yells furiously, before Fluttershy gives another twist on her arm "OUCH! I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken! Bawk, bawk, bawk!"
"Oh, please, have a little bit of dignity" Fluttershy says, releasing her grip. Gilda crawls to the side, not knowing exactly which of her many injuries to caress first "As I was saying: I don't know what you think we've done to Rainbow Dash, but if you come around me or any of my friends again with that attitude, I will put you in a world of pain!"
Gilda stares at Fluttershy, scared. That Pegasus was right! These ponies are evil! How foolish has she been! How foolish has Rainbow Dash been! She needs to do something to save her! But she can't attack them upfront. It's suicide! If that wimp Fluttershy can give her a beatdown, what are the others able to do? She needs to rethink her strategy…
"Did I make myself clear?"
"Uh… what?" Gilda asked, sweating nervously
"I said: Did I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Ms. Fluttershy, ma'am!" Gilda says, taking flight "I promise you I won't bother you anymore, Fluttershy, ma'am!"
"Good" Fluttershy watches Gilda fly in a hurry
"And my name is not Fluttershy" she says when Gilda is already far away "It's Natasha"
You Wouldn't Like me When I Party
CHAPTER TWELVE
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I PARTY
"HE ESCAPED?!" the councilman yells at Fury "You allowed Loki to escape?!"
"This is inadmissible, director" the councilwoman said "Your constant screw-ups are testing our patience"
Count to ten… Fury thinks to himself
"We are tracking their Quinjet" Fury finally says "There's something jamming the sign, but we're still able to pick up something…"
"Oh, you're still able to pick up something?" the councilman says "That's very comforting, Director Fury"
Fury raises an eyebrow, surprised by the councilman's unprecedented use of sarcasm "Our response team will be on pursuit as soon as…"
"We don't care about your freakshow circus, Director" the councilman interrupts
"Give us just one good reason why we shouldn't discharge you right now" the councilwoman told him
"How about: We're in the middle of a crisis, and we don't have time to waste appointing a new director and briefing him, or her, about the situation until our runaway demigod is safely contained once again, or else, said runaway demigod will take advantage of our lack of leadership and organization to cripple our defenses more than they already are?" Fury answers
The council hesitates "Give us a moment, Director Fury" one of them says as the four screens black out and a message saying PLEASE, WAIT TO SPEAK WITH THE WORLD SECURITY COUNCIL appears.
After a few minutes, they're back.
"Very well, Director" the councilwoman said "We will give you leeway for the time being, but as soon as this crisis is over you will be held accountable for the consequences created by the faulty decisions made under your command. The council will meet in private to discuss your future in this organization. I will warn you now, Director: it doesn't look good"
"I can hardly wait" Fury replied, deadpan, and ceased the communications.
Faulty decisions under my command… Fury thinks to himself, as he walks towards the bridge I wonder if they are ever held accountable for their 'Faulty Decisions'
But then again, he shouldn't judge them so harshly on their hypocrisy. After all, let's not kid ourselves, they're on the game of hypocrisy, lies, and deceit. And Nick Fury holds the High Score on that game.
One fine example of that would be how he told them that there was absolutely no time to brief someone about the situation, and yet, that's exactly what he's gonna do: Brief three Inter-Dimensional Alien Horses not only about the situation at hand, but everything that led up to it, so they'll know what's happening, why it's happening, what they'll have to do, what they can do, and how they can do it, so they won't fuck it all up.
It's necessary to instruct these ponies before releasing them on the battlefield.
Meanwhile, 40 miles away, 37.400 feet down, and a little bit to the left from the Helicarrier…
On the R&D department of the Stark Tower, two bodies lie unconscious. One on a couch; the other on the floor.
The body on the floor, the one who used to belong to Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, starts to move. Pinkie blinks her (new) eyes, confused. She scans her surroundings. Why, this isn't Sugar Cube Corner!
Indeed, it isn't. She's in a completely new and strange place. And in a completely new and strange body too! What happened? Quickly, her brain comes up with three possible possibilities!
She's dreaming! Not likely. If this was a dream, she would be having underwater adventures as a Mermare with Major Jellyfish and his troop of Sea-Monkeys fighting the evil hordes of Emperor Grumpy Pants to discover the legendary treasure of Captain Seahorse, whose caramel ship was stranded on the Cheese Mountains of the Fondue Kingdom, guarded by a benign Spirit of the Watery Forests, played by Fluttershy making a Special Dream Cameo. Obviously.
This is some of Discord's shenanigans! Also not likely. Discord's Shenanigans™ are much more amusing and entertaining than this. Of course, he could be trapping Pinkie in this dull environment devoid of joy and laughter as an ironic punishment/torture. But, as diabolically clever as that would be, such display of boringness is below him and she knows it.
This is Tony Stark's world! She's been swapped with one of his friends! BINGO! We have a winner! Really? What did I win? What did I win? Nothing. Aw…
Pinkie Banner takes a second look at the room she finds herself in. So, this is Stark's world? Ever since meeting him, Pinkie imagined many ways of how different, alien, and exciting his dimension could be. She's disappointed. There are no dancing piñatas anywhere. The room, however, did have an atmosphere that seemed to scream SCIENCE at her: Metal tables full of unused flasks and equipment; flickering screens; glass doors; cables everywhere; etc. She would probably be fascinated, if everything wasn't so booooooooriiiiiiiiiiiiing!
But wait! Something catches her attention. Above one of the metal tables hovers a small ball of alluring light. Pinkie becomes mesmerized by its shine "Ooh, shiny!" as she puts it.
Pinkie approaches the small sparkle, her hoof (hand) extended, eager to touch it.
Wait! Pinkie stops to think What did Granny Pie used to say?
Get off my lawn!
No. She never said that. What was it?
Never trust a pony who likes math
Hum… She did say that once… but no. It's something that she used to say to me all the time…
Giggle at the ghostie
Yeah, she used to say that a lot. But I don't see how this applies to the situation at hoof…
For goodness' sake! Pinkamena Diane Pie, you stupid filly, DON'T TOUCH THAT!
That's it!
Remembering the valuable lesson that Granny's wise words and the 33 Near-Death Experiences she had during her fillyhood had taught her, Pinkie refrains from touching the small dot of light.
"Ha! Nice try, sparkly thingy! But you're not smart enough to trick this pony" Pinkie turns away, proud of herself. Not one second later, she turns back, giggling "Just one touch won't hurt…"
But before she's able to satisfy her 'touching' curiosity, Pinkie hears a faint moan coming from the other side of the room. She stops what she's doing and turns to look.
Near the opposite wall, resting on a sofa, lies a strange creature. Pinkie had seen her before during her first scan of the room, but her figure was so alien to her that Pinkie mistook her for an adornment of the furniture, like a big plushie. But now that she was moaning, moving, and waking up, Pinkie finally realized what that thing really was…
A NEW FRIEND!
Pepper blinks her eyes, slowly returning to consciousness. As soon as her vision turns to focus, she is greeted by the sight of Bruce Banner smiling ear from ear at her.
"Uh… Bruce?" she asks "A-are you okay? What happened?"
"YAY! You're awake!" Pinkie Banner bounces in the air "I'm so glad you're awake! Now I have somepony to talk to! This place was getting kinda boring…"
"Uh… what?"
"I said I'm glad I have somepony to talk to!" Pinkie repeated, overjoyed "I love talking! And I love making new friends! Now, I'm doing both! We should have a party to celebrate!"
"You… You're not really Bruce, are you?" Pepper asks her
Pinkie shakes her head, smiling
"I'm Pinkie Pie! You're glad to meet me! I mean, I'm glad to meet you! Heh, heh, heh. Oh, wait! I haven't met you yet! What's your name?"
"Uh… I'm Pepper" Pepper answers "Pepper Potts"
"Pepper! You're Stark's marefriend, aren't you? That's so great! I'm so happy to meet yWAIT A MINUTE!" Pinkie suddenly yells, surprising Pepper "Pepper… Potts? You… You… You have the same initials as I! PP! Oh, my gosh! That's so cool!" Pinkie Banner starts to bounce around the room, much to Pepper's confusion/amusement "Tony and Twi also have the same initials! Now, you are my 'Initials Friend'! I always wanted to have 'Initials Friends'! But none of my friends share my initials… It would be so funny if they did! Can you imagine? Painbow Pash, heh, heh, heh… or Pwilight Pparkle! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh wait! Twi and Dashie! They're here, right? Where are they?"
"I… I don't know, sorry" Pepper says, caressing her head She's right. Where is everybody? "I think is just us here…"
"Aw… Well, that's okay! We'll have party with just the two of us!" Pinkie said, gleefully "I once had a party with just me! It was a crazy party! Because I was kinda crazy too… I can't just stand and do nothing, though. So, I made up some guests and start to act on their behalf! It was so funny! And a little lonely… But that's okay! Because my friends were there to have a real party with me!"
"Uh… well, that's great, Pinkie" Pepper answered, unsure "I guess…"
"That lone party was good for something, though" Pinkie continued "It taught me that if my friends aren't available to have fun with me, I can just made up some temporary friends and talk to them! I love talking! Did I mention that already? I think I did"
"Yeah, I…"
"So every now and then I look at the mirror and talk to myself! I say 'Hi, Pinkie! Beautiful day, isn't it?' 'Sure is, Pinkie! Do you have plans for today?' 'You know it! I'm gonna make a surprise party for Stark and the girls on the library! They won't even know I'm there until everything is ready! It's gonna be great!' 'That sounds so cool! You always throw the best parties, Pinkie!' 'Thanks, Pinkie' 'Hey there, Pinkies! What's going on?' 'Oh, hi Pinkie! I'm just telling Pinkie about the party I'm gonna throw for the girls at the library!' 'Cool! Can I go?' 'I wouldn't go without you, Pinkie'"
"Uh… okay…"
"Sometimes, I give them distinctive personalities to make things more interesting! Like Pinkamena and Diane, for example! Diane is a little silly, but Pinkamena is a real pain! Don't tell her I said that!"
"I…"
"Speaking of her, I was just having an argument with her before I woke up here! She was saying that Sugar Cube Corner was lame and that it stinks! She can be really rude sometimes, I just don't know what to do with her! So, I was telling her she was wrong when I passed out and was brought here! Good thing too! Can you imagine if Mr. & Mrs. Cake caught me arguing with my reflection on the glass counters? They would think I'm crazy! Hahahahaha!"
"…"
"Don't worry, I'm not crazy! I'm just happy! Hahahahahahaha! Like the author said in the first chapter! Or should I say typed?"
"Wait, who?"
"Who are the Cakes? Oh, right! You don't know them! Duh, silly me! They're my employers! They're really nice! You should check up on them once you're swapped too! They live on Sugar Cube Corner. Ask for directions!"
"I… really don't think I'm going to be swapped, Pinkie" Pepper replies
"Heheheheheheheh… Of course you won't" Pinkie winks "As I was saying, I hope they and whoever is inside my body are getting along well. It must be so weird for them! I hope they don't think I'm schizophrenic! Hehehehehehe! That's such a funny word! Schizophrenic! Schi! Zzzzzzzo! Phrenic! So many Zs! Well, there's only one Z, but…"
"You're quite a talker, aren't you?" Pepper smiled
"Oh, yeah! I do talk a lot! I love talking! I'm pretty sure I already said that! Like twice! I don't mind! I love talking! I love talking about how much I love talking! I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a mouth! I wouldn't be able to talk! Or smile! Or eat delicious cakes! What a nightmare it would be! I shudder just to think! Luckily, nopony would ever, like, erase my mouth or something! It would be so funny if somepony did! And horrible! But also funny! And horrible! I like my mouth! I like eating cakes! Not THE Cakes! I would never eat the Cakes! But I love eating cakes! I love eating!"
"Uh, Pinkie… could you… stop for a moment?"
"Oh… uh… sure… I do talk a lot, don't I?" Pinkie Banner smiles, embarrassed
Pepper laughs "It's okay. So does Tony. It's almost impossible to make him shut up! You two are very similar in that aspect. And in the eating aspect too. Donuts, cheeseburgers, tuna sandwiches, you name it"
"Does he like partying? Because I love partying!"
"He used to. Now, not as much. I guess he's trying to be a 'responsible boyfriend'. Maybe trying to make up for his womanizer past"
"What's a womanizer?" Pinkie asked, curious
Pepper raises her eyebrow, smiling unsure "Uh… well… a womanizer is someone who, uh… flirts with a lot of girls"
"Oh, right!" Pinkie smiled "That does sound like him!"
Pepper's smile fades "What do you mean?"
"Tony was flirting with the girls a lot!"
"He was?" Pepper says, her fists subtly clenching I f#&$ing knew it!
"But Thor was flirting more!" Pinkie continues "Kissing everypony's hooves!"
"Kissing… hooves?"
"Yeah, like this" Pinkie proceeds to hold her own hand and kiss it, before laughing out loud at herself
"Oh, right. Heh, heh" Pepper laughs, relieved That's what she meant by flirting. Tony wasn't flirting. He was just being courteous.
…
Wait…
Since when is Tony courteous?
Pepper turns to Pinkie again and finds her in the middle of another monologue...
"…hooves are full of bacteria because we walk on dirt all day and usually don't wear shoes! Or horseshoes. We actually just throw horseshoes at stakes in the ground in a very silly game that's probably very strange and alien for you. We also use them for decorative purposes. We never actually wear them! Makes you wonder why we call them shoes! Anyways, you shouldn't kiss hooves very often! It's not hygienic! But it's a nice gesture! You're sacrificing your oral health for a display of courtesy! Very noble and selfless!"
"You know…" Pepper says "After dealing with Tony for so long, I thought I had become immune to people who can't stop talking, but you… you are something else entirely"
"Yeah! I'm a pony!"
Pepper smiles "Yeah, right. Well, I guess I can't really blame you for talking a lot… This whole body-swapping/dimension traveling thing… That seems to have made you very excited"
"That's my secret, Pep: I'm always excited!" Pinkie laughs "Is it okay for me to call you Pep?"
"It's okay" Pepper smiles and lifts herself from the sofa "Jarvis? What happened? Where is everybody?"
There was no answer
"You talk to yourself too? That's so cool!" Pinkie said
"Jarvis is still not answering" Pepper says to herself "This is not good"
"You need to talk in front of a mirror for better effect!"
"No, this is not right" Pepper grabs her phone, just to find it completely cracked, probably from when she was thrown against the wall by Loki Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck "Oh, that's just great! No communications" If there was just another way that she could send a message. Something involving magic fire, maybe. Oh, well… "Uh, Pinkie? I'll need to go out for a sec to see if I can find some way to contact someone to find out what the hell is going on. I'll be back soon, stay put"
"What? NO!" Pinkie pleaded "Take me with you! Take me with you! Pleasepleasepleaseplease!"
Pepper looks at Pinkie. God, it was so weird seeing 'Bruce' behaving in that manner (P.P. Note: 'manner' rhymes with 'Banner'! Heheheh!)"I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea…"
"It's an excellent idea!" Pinkie exclaimed after writing her note in the previous line "This is a new and exciting world! Sure, I said it was boring just a few paragraphs ago, but that was before I met you and realized that this is an entire new universe full of friends that I haven't met yet! I have to meet them! And they have to meet me! Also, I need to meet up with Dashie, Twi, and AJ! You can't leave me here! Pleasepleaseplease again! Let me go with you!"
Pepper sighs "Fine, Pinkie. You can come along"
"YAY! THIS WILL BE SO EXCITING AND FUN!" Pinkie Banner began to bounce in the air, overjoyed "Are you excited? Because, I'm excited! Who else is excited? Raise your hoof! A new world full of friends, wonders, and possibilities! So exciting! There's still hope for dancing piñatas! I'm excited! I'm really, really excited! I don't think I've ever been this excited! I've been close to this level of excitement, but not quite this excited! At least, I don't think I… I… I'm not feeling very well…"
Pepper turns and sees Pinkie slowly bending over, her hands tucking at her heart, which was pounding at a very high rate "Pinkie! What's wrong? I—" Pepper's question is cut short once Pinkie turns her head up, showcasing a pair of glowing green eyes.
"W-what's happening to me?!" Pinkie asks with difficulty.
Pepper knew what was happening to her. Or, at least, she thinks she knows. And it's not good. She slowly begins to step away, fearful.
"W-what's happening? T-this… this hurts!" Pinkie cried, one of her hands touching the floor for support, the floor which is subtly cracking under the pressure of her fingertips "W-where are you going? No! Please, help me! Please! It h-hurts… so much…"
Pepper is torn. Her common sense and self-preservation instincts urge her to get out of there as fast as possible, but she just can't bring herself to ignore the crying pleas of the little innocent pony trapped inside the dangerously volatile body of Bruce Banner.
"Pinkie, try to stay calm…" she says, giving a few cautious steps towards her.
"Why is this happening?" Pinkie cries, as her clothes begin to rip "Make it stop!"
"Pinkie! Please, try to fight it! You must…"
"Help me!" tears were rolling from Pinkie's eyes as she screams in agony
"Pinkie… oh, my god… Pink—"
"Why are you NOT HELPING ME?!" Pinkie roars and, with a sudden move of her arm, she hits Pepper violently, throwing her to the other side of the room, right into the small inter-dimensional rift.
Pepper screams. The rift's energy takes hold of her body, running through her very veins, intoxicating her brain, as the space-time continuum itself begins to converge at her very being. The world blacks out for a second and then flashes begin to pass through her eyes at mind-numbing speed. She starts to see things… little fragments of past events from both dimensions…
A white unicorn falls from the skies. Her blue Pegasus friend saves her in the nick of time.
An armored man falls from the skies. His green monster friend saves him in the nick of time.
A blue unicorn in a purple hat and cape stands on a stage, boasting herself amidst fireworks. She says she's the only one able to defeat an Ursa Major and there's no one who can challenge her. That turns out to not be true.
A man in a red and yellow armor stands on a stage, boasting himself amidst fireworks. He says he's the only one able to build a functional Arc Reactor and there's no one who can challenge him. That turns out to not be true.
A Griffon and a Pegasus were best friends ever since they were little. They have a fallout. Hurt with the loss of her friend, the Pegasus finds comfort on her new friends.
A Sniper and a Captain were best friends ever since they were little. The sniper falls out of a train. Hurt with the loss of his friend, the captain finds comfort on his new friends.
Three dogs are in a cave with a white unicorn held prisoner. It does not end well for them.
Three Russians are in a warehouse with a redhead woman held prisoner. It does not end well for them.
An orange pony and a blue Pegasus have a heated argument. The pony says that the Pegasus only won because of her wings.
A billionaire and a soldier have a heated argument. The billionaire says that the soldier is only special because of his serum.
A purple unicorn refuses to take her pink friend's claim of precognitive powers at face value. She's sure she can find an explanation that conforms to her beliefs. She doesn't.
A scientist refuses to take a blonde stranger's claim of mythological divinity at face value. He's sure he can find an explanation that conforms to his beliefs. He doesn't.
A blue Pegasus is excited to finally meet her idols (though she kinda already met them before). She's ignored.
An agent is excited to finally meet his idol (though he kinda already met him before). He's ignored.
A purple unicorn refuses to use her 'special skills', afraid that her friends would hate her for it. She's left with no other choice once an Ursa Minor begins to attack Ponyville.
A fugitive refuses to use his 'special skills', afraid that people would be hurt by it. He's left with no other choice once the Abomination begins to attack Harlem.
A Princess tries to talk sense into and reconcile with her disgraced younger sister. They can rule together, she says. The sister gives her a hug and asks for forgiveness.
A Prince tries to talk sense into and reconcile with his disgraced younger brother. They can stop them together, he says. The brother stabs him and mocks his sentimentalism.
A purple unicorn sits on her bed, trying to ignore the music from the obnoxious party thrown at her behalf. She insists she doesn't need any friends.
A man in armor sits on a donut, trying to ignore the memories of the disastrous party thrown at his behalf. He insists he works alone.
A blue Pegasus shoots a red beam from her chest by, what seems to be, sheer accident. She's now the man in red.
A man in red armor shoots a blue beam from his chest by, what seems to be, sheer accident. He's now the blue Pegasus.
The flashes last no longer than a millisecond, as the portal seemingly implodes, releasing Pepper and dissipating its energy in the air.
Pepper tries to recover. All she hears are cries of pain mixed with roars of fury. Her vision is blurry. She manages to glimpse something green leaping through a hole leading to the city where a wall used to be, just before passing out again. God, this better not turn into a habit.
"ARGH!"
"What's the matter?" Twilight asks Clint, as they wait for the Quinjet to land on the Helicarrier.
"Nothing. Is just…" Clint caresses his head "A sudden headache. Like someone just shot an arrow in my brain"
"Who would've guessed?" Natasha gives a pained smile "Headaches are contagious"
Clint smiles back.
Hill frowns.
"You two must report to the medical bay as soon as we land" she tells them "and you won't leave until you are in perfect conditions again"
"I am in perfect conditions…" Natasha protested
"No, you're not" Hill replied
"Hill… it's just a headache…" Clint tries to argue
"It's a liability" Hill insists "Look, you two are the best operatives we have, but that will mean nothing if you two are bumbling through the battlefield like you just woke up with a hangover"
"Maria…"
"It's an order, Agent Barton"
Clint stays silent, giving a simple nod of acknowledgement.
"Sweet Celestia…" Apple mumbles for the third time on the last two minutes, ever since she saw the Helicarrier for the first time through the window "I just can't believe this..."
"You'll get used to it" Twilight laughs "Or, maybe not…"
The Quinjet lands. One by one, their occupants start to exit, with Hill already ordering Clint and Natasha to go straight to the Medical Bay. No excuses! Twilight notices that Tony Dash is still on her seat, kind of rocking back and forth. She moves towards her.
"Hey, Rainbow! We already landed" Twilight Odinson says "Are you alright?"
"…not a finger not a finger not a finger not a finger oh my gosh I touched that not a finger not a finger I feel it touching my thighs not a finger…"
"Hey, hey!" Twilight gave her a little shake "Snap out of it!"
"Uh... what?" Dash says, as if waking up from a trance "Twilight?"
"We arrived" she says "and you're babbling"
"Oh, right. Right…" Dash replies and begins to stand up
"Don't forget your helmet" Twilight says
"What? Oh, right. Right…" Dash retrieves the Iron Man helmet from the seat next to her and disembarks the Quinjet, holding it under her arm.
"Welcome aboard. Again" Nick Fury greets them as they arrive on the bridge "Where's Barton and Romanoff?"
"Agents Barton and Romanoff have been compromised, sir" Hill addressed him "They checked in the medical bay"
"Under whose orders?"
"Mine, sir"
"Very well, then" Fury replied and then turned to the ponies "What I need to discuss with you three doesn't concern them anyway"
"And what is it that you need to discuss with us?" Twilight asked him
"Hi there, I'm Applejack" Apple Rogers extended her hand for Fury to shake "Nice to meet ya face to face"
Fury looked at her hand and then at her. He finally gave her a very brief handshake and said "I'm Nick Fury, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. As I was about to tell your friend, we need to bring you all up to speed about the situation with Loki, the Avengers and the Tesseract"
"Deputy Hill" Agent Jasper Sitwell whispered to her "We have a situation"
"What is there to bring us up to speed?" Dash asked Fury "That jerk tried to kill us all, took the cube and Dr. Selvig, and then flew away to Celestia knows where. Do you know where he's going?"
"Not yet" Fury answers "We hope to have the exact location and direction of the stolen Quinjet soon"
"Then there's nothing you can tell us about the situation that we don't already know!"
"There is plenty that I can tell you about the situation that you don't know!" Fury replied "You ponies haven't even scratched the surface of the mess you found yourselves in! That's why we need to brief you about the Avengers Initiative as soon and as quickly as…"
"I'm sorry, sir" Maria Hill interrupted "But I think you need to see this"
"What is it?" Fury asks her
"Put it on the screen" Hill tells Sitwell who complies, sending the newscast to the main monitor.
"…only a few days ago, he was heralded as a hero by the thankful citizens of New York City for his contribution to the victory against the invading alien forces" anchorman Ethan Edwards said "but it seems that these accolades were given prematurely as the Incredible Hulk was seem rampaging throughout Park Avenue in uncontrollable rage"
"SHIT!" Nick Fury exclaimed
"What's happening?" Twilight asked
"These images from the Hulk's destructive attack were recorded just a few minutes ago by an anonymous bystander who posted it on his YouTube channel" anchorwoman Patricia 'Trish' Tilby said before the screen started to show a shaky footage of a humungous green monster stumbling through the streets, flinging cars out of its way.
"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" the creature in the screen roared "S'IL VOUS PLAÎT"
"Dude, did you get that? I think he spoke French!" a voice is heard off-screen
Apple Rogers, Twilight Odinson, and Tony Dash stared at the images in disbelief.
"What… what in Celestia's name is that thing?" Twilight asked
"That thing is Bruce Banner" Fury replied
The three ponies immediately turn their heads towards Fury, dumbfounded
"Come again?" Twilight says
"That… that monster is Bruce?" Dash asks
"That monster is what Banner turns into if he gets too angry, nervous, or excited" Fury explained
The ponies slowly turn their heads back to the monitors, watching the savage monster that was once Bruce Banner roaring incomprehensibly while leaving a trail of destruction on his path.
"Oh… my… gosh" Apple mumbles
"This is so messed up…" Dash says
"This… this was his condition?" Twilight asks, unable to believe what she has just been told
"Pretty much" Fury answers
"Here we see a military jeep trying to intervene… unsuccessfully" Tilby continues to narrate the coverage as the Hulk destroys the military vehicle with the soldiers running for their lives.
"So" Fury asks them "Do you girls still believe there's nothing I can tell you that you don't already know?"
Twilight shakes her head slowly, without taking her eyes from the monitor nor changing her facial expression.
"I just… this can't… I… but Bruce seemed like such a nice guy…" Dash mumbled
"Oh, but Banner really is a nice guy" Fury replied "The Hulk, on the other hand, tends to be a very nasty piece of work"
"Nice and Nasty… sharing the same body…" Twilight whispers to herself "Like Princess Luna and Nightmare Moon…"
"I… I tackled him…" Apple began to babble "He opened the door and I tackled him… and I yelled at him… I was makin' him nervous… he told me I was makin' him nervous… he told me to stop… he said I shouldn't make him nervous… that it's a bad idea to make him nervous… I didn't listen… I kept pushin' him… until Twilight talked to me… I almost… I… I almost… almost…"
Another explosion is shown on the screen as the Hulk roars.
Apple Rogers faints.
"Applejack!" Dash yells
"Oh, dear Celestia! Somepony! Bring her some water!" Twilight pleads
"You heard her! Bring us some water!" Fury orders some agents
"Sir, General Thaddeus Ross is on the phone" Hill says "He wants to…"
"Tell him to shove it!" Fury interrupts her
"Here, Applejack. Drink it" Twilight Odinson held her awakening friend's head so she could drink the glass of water the agents had brought them.
"Reanimate her quicker" Fury tells Twilight "We need to neutralize the Hulk before Ross and his military thugs try to make their move and turn the situation worse than it already is"
"The World Security Council is on the line" Hill says
"Pretend we lost their signal" Fury replies before turning to Apple who was already able to stand up "You better get dressed. We don't have time to waste"
"The Captain America uniform is still on repairs, sir" Hill informed
"Is it? Well, in that case, just the shield will have to do"
"What shield? The one yer director of?" Apple asks "Why are ya Director of a shield anyways? What does that even mean?"
"No. I'm talking about your shield. Or Rogers' shield, to be more precise. The 'shield' I'm Director of is this" Fury motions to the bridge "We are S.H.I.E.L.D. It's the name of our little organization. It stands for Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division"
"That… is quite a mouthful" Twilight replies
"I know" Fury says "And that's why we just say S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Hey! Hold on a darn second!" Dash chimes in "Don't you girls see what's happening here? He's gonna send us down there to capture… that!"
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing" Fury says, nonchalantly
"Us against that?" Dash repeats "You can't be serious!"
"I'm always serious" Fury replies with a stern look, which quickly turns into a smirk "Why, you're scared?"
Scared? What? Of that unstoppable giant mass of angry muscles? No… I'm not scared. I'm freaking terrified!
"Pfft! Of course I'm not scared! What do you think I am? A chicken?" Dash answers back, avoiding eye contact "It's just… why don't you send some of your guys down? I mean, this is your mess, not ours"
"First of all, the Hulk is everyone's mess. Second of all, sending soldiers his way will only make him angrier" Fury says "The only way to stop him is to make him calm down. A couple of friendly faces may help that. Now, let's get moving. I'll brief you on the way"
"…all hands on deck. This is not an exercise…"
"There seems to be some commotion" Clint says, lying on his bed in the medical bay, after hearing the intercom "I wonder what we're missing"
He turns to Natasha and sees that she's fast asleep.
He sighs. He feels tired too, but he doesn't want to close his eyes. Something on the back of his mind tells him that if he does sleep, he just might not be himself once he wakes up.
He turns aside to look at a door on the other side of the medical bay. The access to that door is restricted. Very few know what's behind that door. Some agents speculate it's some kind of secret weapon or experiment. Why is it on the medical bay though? Beats them. But Barton is security Level 7. He knows exactly what is behind that door. Clint smiles to himself. Laughing at their little private joke. He then faces the ceiling, trying not to fall asleep.
Little creatures running away. Little creatures afraid of Pinkie. Pinkie not afraid of little creatures. Little creatures little. Pinkie big. Little creatures can't hurt Pinkie. Pinkie can hurt little creatures. Pinkie can't hug little creatures because Pinkie hurts little creatures. This makes Pinkie sad. No. This makes Pinkie angry. Pinkie wants to hug. But creatures not want be hugged. Pinkie frustrated. Pinkie lots of things. Pinkie especially big. Pinkie likes being big but not when Pinkie makes potential friends afraid of Pinkie. Pinkie likes explosions though. Explosions fun.
A news copter follows the trail of destruction left by the green goliath. Inside it, reporter Chess Roberts is ready for her big break as her crew is ready to go live.
"…with Chess Roberts on the sky" Chess listens to her cue
"Hi, Ethan" Chess begins her report "We are now flying above Times Square where the Hulk seems to be oddly awestruck by his surroundings. The streets in the area are deserted, thanks to the citizens being notified of his rampage. This would be a perfect opportunity for the National Guard to do their move. There is, however, no sign of military or even police forces anywhere. We have yet to receive any kind of information about why the military is not intervening"
"I've contacted the National Guard Commander and told him to stand his troops down so our team, that is you, could take care of the situation" Nick Fury informs the ponies over the radio "Remember: the key to detain the Hulk is to make him calm down. He has the mentality of a very aggressive five year old. Do not attack him unless you deem it absolutely necessary"
"Understood" Twilight answered the radio
Sitting next to her on the Quinjet, Apple Rogers was wearing a spare S.H.I.E.L.D. agent uniform, flipping the red, white, and blue shield on her hands. It's a nice shield, she thinks, very nice indeed. On the seat across her, Tony Dash sat in full armor, except for the helmet which was on her lap, as she keeps tapping on it nervously.
"Ya okay?" Apple asks
"Uh… sure. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Right…" Apple replied, unconvinced
"This television thing is magnificent!" Twilight exclaimed, holding the tablet showing the newsfeed of the Hulk's rampage "News being updated on the spot! With image and audio! Oh my, if we could bring this kind of technology to Equestria…"
"Yeah, it would be wonderful" Dash cuts her off "Now, if you're done geeking out, could you turn the volume of that thing up, so we could know what's going on?"
"Oh, right. Sorry" Twilight said, and turned the volume up
"…the Hulk seems to be staring at us. God knows what's going through his head at this moment" the voice of Chess Roberts came from it "I just hope he doesn't throw a car at us, or something… can we fly this thing higher? Just to be safe"
The Hulk squints at the helicopter.
Stupid flying machine following Pinkie. What they want? Nopony follows Pinkie! Only Pinkie follows ponies! Pinkie not like flying machine!
The Hulk turns around, looking for something to throw at the flying machine… a car, perhaps, but something catches his attention: the Jumbotron, which was broadcasting the news. The Hulk couldn't hear anything, because the Jumbotron doesn't have speakers, but he could watch it… Some stupid-looking green monster in the middle of some street.
Who's stupid looking green monster? Pinkie no like stupid looking green monster! Monster green and stupid looking! Monster…
The Hulk seems to notice that the monster is copying his movements…
…monster is Pinkie!
This realization seems to make something click inside the hulking creature's child-like mind. The Hulk falls on his ass, laughing.
"HAHAHAHAHA! PINKIE SILLY! PINKIE MONSTER! PINKIE LOOKS FUNNY! PINKIE LOOKS GREEN!" the Hulk then looks at the helicopter, then back to the Jumbotron, then back to the helicopter again "HEY! FLYING MACHINE FILMING PINKIE!" the Hulk begins to wave at the news crew "HEY THERE! LOOK WHAT PINKIE CAN DO!"
"The Hulk seems to be waving at us, Ethan. I think he wants our attention" Chess Roberts tells her anchorman "He stopped waving. He… Ethan, I'm not sure I can trust my eyes, but I believe the Hulk is tap dancing"
Apple, Dash, and Twilight all raise their eyebrows at the news.
"Uh… the Hulk is tap dancing" Twilight says on her radio "Is that normal?"
"…no" Nick Fury answered with a little hint of confusion on his voice, something that is very rare for him.
"Then why he's acting so…" Dash starts to say, before realization begins to creep in "…random?!"
Apple and Twilight's eyes open wide as they begin to realize it too. The three friends look at each other before turning back to the screen.
"He's now doing somersaults" Chess Roberts continues her coverage
"PINKIE!" the three yell in unison
"YAY! THIS IS FUN!" the Hulk laughs "PINKIE JUGGLE TOO! WANT TO SEE PINKIE JUGGLE? PINKIE GRAB PUNY METAL CARTS AND… And… and… Pinkie feel weak…"
The Hulk feels his strength slowly fading. His vision blurs. Mildly panicking, the Hulk looks at his surroundings. He sees something that seems familiar to his confused brain.
Trees… woods… Everfree Forest… HOME
Using all the strength he has left, the Hulk leaps towards his new destination.
"The Hulk is on the move! He looks wounded" Chess Roberts says "He's going up the 7th Avenue. I think… I think he's moving towards Central Park! Yes! He's entering Central Park now! He… he... the trees! We lost visual! He's trying to hide. A little hard for someone like him, but it appears he's succeeding. We'll be patrolling the area for any sign of him. Back to you, Ethan"
"You need to bring us to this 'Central Park'!" Twilight told the Quinjet pilot after she finished watching the news
At Central Park, a young couple is taking one of the traditional Central Park carriage rides. The man fancies himself lucky. Thanks to the recent events, the rides' fees decreased. Now, before you call him a cheapskate, remember: The economy wasn't exactly wonderful before a bunch of aliens blew up part of New York, and it sure isn't running smoothly now that they did. Plus, they may even see, during their ride, one of those dead giant space snakes if they haven't all been cleaned up by now. Chicks dig dead giant space snakes.
Suddenly, the woman points forward "Honey, look!"
Ahead on the road, a shirtless, shoeless stranger with his pants in tatters, was lying down, breathing heavily.
"The poor man!" the woman says "He looks like he's been through hell! Let's stop to help him"
"What?! Are you crazy?!" the man protests "We don't know this man! He could be dangerous! What if he tries to mug us?"
"He looks like he's just been mugged himself" the woman replies "He could be a survivor of the attacks who just now managed to dig himself out of the wreckages. It's at these times of need that we should exercise our solidarity"
"I… but… fine" the man sighs
"Coachman" the woman says "Please, stop so we can talk to that poor man"
"The one that is waving frantically at us?" the coachman asks, pointing to Pinkie Banner who's now up, waving and bouncing, a huge smile on her face.
"Hey! Hey! Over here!" Pinkie yells
"He seems a little bit… cheerful for a homeless guy, don't you think?" the man says
"He learned to keep his spirits up. It's encouraging" the woman replies and then turns to Pinkie "Hello, my friend. What happened to you?"
But Pinkie didn't pay attention to her. She'd rather talk to the horse that was drawing the carriage instead.
"Hey, there! I didn't think I would find another pony here! This is so great!" Pinkie said to the horse "Say, you're a big guy! Are you related to Princess Celestia?"
The horse just stares at her.
"Oh, you're the quiet type, aren't you? It's okay. Fluttershy is quiet too and we're great friends!" Pinkie says "I know I can sometimes be a little too forward and that that can be a little intimidating. But trust me, you have absolutely no need to be shy around me!" Pinkie winks and giggles
The coachman and the woman stare at Pinkie, bewildered. The man can't hold his laughter anymore.
"BWAHAHAHA! Are you… are you related to Princess Celestia? BWAHAHAHA! This is priceless!" the man turns to the coachman "What is this? Some new feature of the ride? This is all an act, right? Because it's brilliant!"
"Sir, I swear" the coachman said "I don't know this man. I have no idea what's going on"
The horse begins to sniff Pinkie, curious. She blushes and smiles uncomfortably.
"Oh… Heh… you… you're kinda invading my personal space there…" she says "Then again, I tend to invade other ponies personal spaces all the time too… so… I guess it's okay if you do too… I mean…"
The horse then licks her face.
"Ew! Pervert!" Pinkie cries, slapping the horse in the face
The horse neighs and prances, startling the passengers and the coachman
"He… he just SLAPPED the horse?!" the man says, alarmed
"You should be ashamed of yourself, mister" Pinkie reprimanded the horse "Just because a girl is nice to you doesn't mean she's hitting on you! What would your mom say?"
"This hobo is crazy! Get us out of here!" the man yelled to the coachman, who nodded and whipped the horse which dashed off with the carriage, leaving Pinkie Banner behind.
"Wait! Don't run away! I didn't mean to be rude! I know making friends can be hard for some ponies but, if we just talked a little longer, I'm sure we could work things out! You look like a nice pony! You're even kinda cute!" Pinkie yells but the horse and carriage were already far away "Call me!" she shouts as a last resort.
"There she is!"
Pinkie turns her head to see three men moving on her direction. One was blonde with armor and cape. The other was black-haired in a red and gold (with a little bit of grey) armor, holding an also red and gold helmet on one hand. The last one was blonde like the first one, wearing a dark blue jumpsuit and carrying a red, white and blue round shield with a star on the center.
"Yay! A costume party! Can I join? Can I join?" Pinkie Banner jumps up and down "I don't have a costume though… oh, wait! Yes, I do! I'm costumed as 'Not A Pony'! Heheheheh!"
"It's her alright!" Dash says to the others before turning back to Pinkie "Are you okay, Pinkie? Are you hurt? Do you feel sick or…"
"Hey! You know my name! That's great!" Pinkie says cheerfully, but then squints suspiciously "Wait… how you know my name?"
"Pinkie, it's us!" Dash says "Twilight, Applejack, and me, Rainbow Dash!"
But Pinkie keeps her suspicious stance.
Okay, Pinkie she thinks to herself No time for fun & games now. This is important. These creatures claim to be your friends.
Do you believe them?
a) Yes
b) No
c) Chocolate
"Chocolate!" Pinkie Banner said, cheerfully "Definitely chocolate!"
Dash, Apple, and Twilight exchange confused looks "I'm sorry, what?" Dash asks
"I pick C!" Pinkie replies "Now, gimme some chocolate!"
"Uh… we don't have any chocolate, Pinkie" Twilight says
"Aw… Oh, well, what you're gonna do?" Pinkie shrugs "Nice to see you girls again! Even though you're boys now! Heh heh heh! How's it going, Applejack?"
"Uh… I'm Twilight" Twilight answers and then points to Apple Rogers "She's Applejack"
"Oh, ok. Sorry. Heh, heh, silly me" Pinkie laughs "So, anyways, you girls are going to a costume party, right? Can I come too?"
"No, Pinkie. I'm afraid we don't have time for a party" Twilight explains "We need to come back to the Helicarrier so we can be instructed and proceed to locate and pursuit Loki"
"Ooh…" Pinkie says, intrigued "That sounds fun! Can I play?"
"Pinkie!" Twilight says "This is not a ga—Oh, what the hay. Yes, you can play"
"Yay!" Pinkie cheers "I pick Dashie to be on my team!"
"Yeah, alright" Twilight says "Now, let's get going to the Quinjet, so we can return to the Helicarrier and start our 'game'"
As they go their way, Dash turns to Pinkie.
"So… you're sure you're alright?"
"I'm great!" Pinkie answers "Why? You're not feeling alright?"
"What? Me? No" Dash laughs "I'm fine. Especially now that we didn't have to fight you"
"Fight me?" Pinkie asks, confused "Why would you have to fight me?"
Dash looks at Pinkie She doesn't remember anything… Good. It's better that way "No reason, Pinkie. No reason" Dash smiles
"You're all so silly!" Pinkie laughed "Hey! Did you girls know I met another pony in the park just before you arrived?"
"No, we did not" Apple answered
"Yeah, he was tall, strong and brunet! I think he really liked me! He liked me a little too much… then again, he ran away, so I guess he didn't like me that much… He was sending a lot of mixed signals... Oh my gosh! I just realized I never got his name! Darn it, Pinkie, you idiot! It's because of stuff like this that you're still single!" Pinkie frowns at herself, but then laughs "Ha! What I'm talking about? How can I be single if I have you girls with me?"
"I still can't believe that she was that thing" Apple whispered to Twilight "I mean it's so… so… incredible! How's it possible?"
"I know" Twilight whispered back "but we all saw it"
"I don't know" Apple replied "I still find it hard to believe…"
Now, this is the part where some readers may say: 'Oh, c'mon! They're from a land where dragons feed off gems and burn letters so they can be magically transported and restored on some horse Prince's castle, so she can read about someone else's friendships for some reason! Why would they find the Hulk hard to believe? It's just as fantastical as anything else in Equestria! Hell, if anything, the Hulk is actually more plausible than all that retarded shit!"
That's a very common and understandable complaint/opinion/point of view. It's also very wrong.
You see, you're taking an outsider point of view. Everything in both the Avengers and My Little Pony worlds requires that the audience accepts that certain things we know to be impossible can happen. So, we automatically assume that the characters should also accept that. Except that no, they shouldn't. The Nightmare on Elm Street characters accept the existence of Freddy Krueger, because that's a normal thing for them: it's part of their reality. Santa Claus, while just as fictional and fantastic, does not. So, if Old Nick arrived in Springwood delivering presents on his magic flying sleigh, the characters would be totally justified in saying 'WTF?' because his existence does not agree with their perception of reality, even if that perception may already be ridiculous in itself for outsiders (us).
Let's take another example: Let's say you're a character in a 1960's comic book set in the 'futuristic 21st Century'. Your cousin (another character in the comic) comes to your house and says he turned his bathtub in a time machine using old computer parts. You, obviously, say that that's ridiculous!
Now, this would be the part where those 60's readers would say: 'Oh, c'mon! They're from a future where little computer-phones can give you all kinds of information just by sliding your finger randomly in its completely flat glass screen, so you can throw birds at pigs and play with a useless fake lighter for some reason! Why would they find the Bathtub Time Machine hard to believe? It's just as fantastical as anything else in the 2000's! Hell, if anything, the Bathtub Time Machine is actually more plausible than all that retarded shit!"
So, I hope we can put the 'Arbitrary Skepticism' Fallacy to rest.
"Look, sis! Iron Man, Thor and that shield guy are escorting some homeless dude"
Apple, Dash, Pinkie, and Twilight turn their heads to see two siblings pointing at their direction.
"He must be either very important or very dangerous to be escorted by the freakin' Avengers" the girl said to her younger brother
"Take a picture! Take a picture!" her brother tells her
"Hey, look!" Pinkie said "New friends! I think they want to talk to us! Let's go!"
"Pinkie! No! Wait!" Twilight pleaded, but Pinkie was already skipping happily towards the confused duo
"Who wants a hug?" Pinkie cheers
Seeing Pinkie charging at her direction, the girl did what every sensible 20 something female New Yorker would do if a half naked hairy strange man came running, asking if you 'wanted a hug': Tase the fuck out of him!
"Ooh, what are tho—AWERGH!" Pinkie is unable to finish her inquiry about the little flying electrodes as said electrodes hit her central mass, leaving her jerking on the road
"Oh, no! Pinkie!" Apple cries
"Back off, you creep!" the girl says wielding her Taser gun. Not one second later, Pinkie Banner pulls the wires, taking the Taser gun out of the girls' hands. The gun falls on Pinkie's hands, who crushes it on her clutch to everyone's shock.
"You… hurt… PINKIE!" Pinkie raises her head, her eyes glowing green with anger (and gamma radiation) "NOW PINKIE HURT YOU!"
"Oh, God" the girl gasps, protecting her little brother behind her back
"Ya two get out of here!" Apple yells and they comply
"Why you hurt Pinkie?" Pinkie moans, trying to fight back against the transformation… and losing "Why would anypony hurt Pinkie? Pinkie just want hug"
"Pinkie" Dash tries to approach her. Gosh! She's turning green! "Pinkie, can you hear me? I…"
Her mind fogged by the pain, the change, and the anger, Pinkie can't hear what she's saying. All she hears is noise. And noise pisses the Hulk off!
"RAWRGH!" Pinkie-mere-seconds-away-of-becoming-the-Hulk roars and backhands Tony Dash away.
"Rainbow Dash!" Apple and Twilight cry in unison
"Ow… I think it's about time I put my helmet back on…" Dash says, dizzy
Twilight and Apple turn back to watch, in horror, as Pinkie's body begins to grow larger and green. With every little convulsion, Pinkie cries and roars, as the painful transformation keeps going, until the once small figure of Pinkie Banner had fully turned into the massive figure of the Hulk, much to her friends' astonishment.
"Holy sh…" Dash, with her helmet on, mumbles
"PINKIE SMASH!"
"It's amazing, Ethan!" Chess Roberts on the sky reports to the station "We have just caught the Hulk transforming on tape! The man who turned into the Hulk after what appeared to be a sexual assault attempt is, as of yet, unidentified. We still have no clue about what lead the Hulk to attack the city. Let's hope that the rest of Avengers can put a stop to their colleague's rampage. Back to you"
"Incredible" Trish Tilby says "Who would've thought that the Hulk would turn rogue so soon after defeating the alien armada that threatened our beloved city?"
"Honestly, it's not that surprising, Trish" Ethan Edwards says "The Hulk is a mindless beast prone to equally mindless destruction. He simply smashes anything he sees. And the first thing he saw was, of course, the nothing subtle attack of those particular alien troops in Manhattan. I mean, frankly, it's no wonder they failed. Coming all out? Spray-and-pray? Trying to show off and get as much attention as possible? That's not how you invade a planet! To be truly successful, an invasion must be subtle, secret. You must begin infiltration years in advance! Slowly putting agents on positions of power in the government, the military, and the media, so once they're all ready, a wave of panic, mistrust, and misinformation will be created to make the planet ready for seizing. And the stupid natives wouldn't even notice it was happening. Of course, I would never expect the Chitauri to be competent enough to pull off that perfect strategy for they lack the sophistication and finesse of the glorious Skrull Empire"
"Uh… what? The Skrull Empire? Chitauri? What are you talking about, Ethan?" Tilby asks
"Uh… Those are just two hypothetical alien races I made up on the spot to illustrate my point" Ethan answered "Yes, that's it. They're totally hypothetical, fake, made up, and not real. At all"
"Oh. Okay then" Tilby says "Just one thing, though: in this 'secret invasion' you proposed, how would the aliens be able to infiltrate among humans? I mean, they kinda stand out in a crowd"
"Oh, but you see, Trish" Ethan says with a smirk "The completely hypothetical aliens in question happen to know how to alter their form"
"Oh. You mean, like changelings?"
"NO!" Ethan yells "I mean like shape shifters! Changeling is a very derogatory term and I take offense in it! I mean… I would take offense in it if I was a shape shifter. Which I'm not… and neither is Kate Middleton"
"Sorry, I… wait… Kate Middleton?" Tilby says
"Exactly!" Ethan smirks "Impersonating a beautiful female of the dominant species so she can convince a prince to marry her and infiltrate local royalty is standard shape shifting invasion procedure. You always target monarchy first because, differently than other government models that experience only temporary leadership changing every other election, monarchic systems are long-lived and hereditary, so our infiltrated agents can have influence in the kingdom for eons, thanks to whatever cross-species offspring they have with the royal blood. It's also important to never directly try to impersonate the big leader, the Queen in this case, for whatever important decisions she makes will have everyone's attention and can compromise the whole mission. You need to infiltrate a 'lower tier' of the royal family so you'll have less influence and, therefore, less chances of being busted, but still enough insight on what's happening inside the palace. Of course, that's all hypothetical! Ha, ha! There is no such thing as shape shifters impersonating brides in royal weddings! Not in this planet, or any other planet, or even any other dimension! The whole idea is so absurd! The concept of shape shifters in itself is so ridiculous, impossible, and unreal! Like Bathtub Time Machines! That's how inexistent shape shifters are!"
"Wouldn't the Hulk technically count as a shape shifter?" Trish asks "I mean, he basically…"
"SHUT UP, HUMAN!"
WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
PLEASE STAND BY
"WHERE'S SHOCK GIRL? PINKIE SMASH SHOCK GIRL"
The Hulk begins to flip all the cars parked on the street, searching for 'shock girl'.
"Sweet mother of Celestia, what we're gonna do?" Apple asks out loud
"Whatever we do, we mustn't attack her until we have no other choice" Twilight says "We need to try to calm her down"
"But she's gonna destroy everything!" Apple insists "We need to stop her somehow!"
"We need to talk to her" Dash says, and with that, flies on Pinkie/Hulk's direction.
"Hey, Pinkie!" Dash says "You need to stop! Please!"
The Hulk looks at her. The Hulk then throws a car at her.
"WHOA!"
"Executing evasive maneuvers" Jarvis says, as the Iron Man armor swiftly moves away from the flying automobile which turns into a neat new wall adornment on the building behind Tony Dash.
"Pinkie, please! Stop!" Dash pleaded "This is not like you!"
"PINKIE NOT STUPID! PINKIE KNOW PINKIE NOT LIKE THIS!" Pinkie/Hulk roared "PINKIE WAS PINK, LITTLE, AND CONJUGATE VERBS CORRECTLY! NOW PINKIE GREEN AND BIG! NOW PINKIE SMASH!"
"Pinkie, please listen…"
"PINKIE GIVES NO FUCKS ABOUT FLYING TALKING RED CAN!" the Hulk roars again "PINKIE SMASHES CAN FOR RECYCLING!"
The Hulk grabs Dash by the leg, and smashes her in the ground.
"Ouch" Dash moans as she turns and sees, through her visor, the Hulk's foot read to crush her head "Whoa!"
Instinctively, Dash turns the repulsor thrusters on her boots on, flying away from the Hulk's stomp which cracks the asphalt. Dash turns back, hovering near the Hulk's face. She opens her faceplate.
"Pinkie, please, we're not your enemies. We're your friends! We're a team: Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, remember?"
"Rainbow Dash?" the Hulk asks, seemingly calmer
"Yes, Pinkie" Dash said, relieved for being recognized "It's m…"
"DASH RHYMES WITH SMASH!" the Hulk roars, and punches Tony Dash sending her flying through the air and into a building.
"Rainbow Dash! How dare ya?!" Apple yells and out of instinct, anger, impulse, and an 'I'm the only pony allowed to hit Rainbow Dash' attitude, she threw her shield at the Hulk.
"Applejack! No!" Twilight Odinson screams "We need to avoid conflict!" but the shield already hit the Hulk in the face and ricocheted back.
Wait a darn second! Why the hay did I throw the shield? SHIELDS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THROWN! Apple thinks to herself, before the shield bounces back, hitting her right in the face, causing her to lose some teeth and some consciousness.
…or that is what WOULD have happened, if she, by virtue of being in Steve Rogers' body, didn't have Super Soldier reflexes and didn't catch the shield right before it could hit her face, without even noticing it was coming back at her.
"Whoa…" Apple says, surprised at her own feat
"AJ THROW STUPID FRISBEE AT PINKIE!" the Hulk roars "NOW PINKIE SMASH AJ!"
"No! Pinkie, stop!" Twilight pleaded "Applejack didn't mean to…" but the Hulk wasn't listening, charging right towards Apple Rogers
Apple gasps and crouches, hiding behind her shield, scared. Just waiting for the fateful moment when she'll go from Applejack to apple sauce…
KLANG!
That's it. It's over. She's dead. Her only regret is not being able to say goodbye to her family and friends… Well, that and throwing her shield at the Hulk's face.
KLANG!
Wait, what? Again?
KLANG! KLANG!
Are those the bells of pony heaven or something?
KLANGKLANGKLANGKLANGKLANGKLANG….
Apple opens her eyes. She's still alive! She peeks over to see the Hulk relentlessly punching the shield over and over with no effect. This is a good shield, she thinks, this is a very, very, very, very good shield
"WHY PINKIE NO SMASH FRISBEE?" the Hulk roars "FRISBEE MAKING PINKIE FRUSTRATED! PINKIE ANGRY!"
"Ya don't say…" Apple says from behind the shield
"AAAARRRRGH!" with his eyes glowing green again, the Hulk stops punching the shield, and decides to grab it instead, with a single hand. Pulling it over in the air, with Apple being carried too, he throws shield and pony against a surprised Twilight.
"Ooof!" air escapes from Twilight's lungs as Apple and her shield collide with her.
"Ouch…" Apple moans and lifts herself up "Twilight, are ya alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" Twilight says as Apple helps her stand up
They barely have time to recover when the Hulk breaks a fire hydrant off the sidewalk and throws it at Twilight's face, who staggers backwards. Before Apple can see if she's okay, the Hulk puts his feet over the pressured stream of water that came from the hole where the hydrant used to be, directing it towards Apple Rogers who's knocked back by the pressure.
Twilight looks at the barely conscious Apple Rogers. She touches her nose. It's bleeding. She's lucky she is in an Asgardian's body so that a nosebleed is the only injury she's sustaining. Had Pinkie thrown that hydrant at Applejack, who knows if she would have survived it? Pinkie is out of control. And she's dangerous. Really dangerous. Nick Fury said that they should avoid fighting her unless it was absolutely necessary. Well, Twilight supposes, it appears that that's the case.
"Ma'am… ma'am? Ms. Dash, please wake up"
Tony Dash wakes from her trauma induced stupor to see two young children, a boy and a girl, staring at her.
"Uh, what? What happened? Where am I?" Dash asks, sitting up
"You're in our room" the boy said
"You made a hole in the wall" the girl points
"Really? Did I fly through it?"
"You were punched through it, Ms. Dash" Jarvis said "Your encounter with the Hulk, I'm afraid, was less than amicable. I've already taken note of this family's residence information so Stark Industries can pay for the damages later on"
"Hey, you're Iron Man, right?" the little boy asks "The real one?"
"Uh… but of course!" Dash thanks Celestia that those kids can't see her bad poker face through the helmet "Who else would I be?"
"Told ya!" the girls tells the boy
"That's so cool!" the boy says "Mr. Iron Man, we are your biggest fans!"
"Oh, are you now?" Dash says, smiling
"Yeah! I have all your action figures!" the boy grabs some dolls (ACTION FIGURES!) from inside a toy chest and shows it to Dash "Look!"
"Ooh, nice!" Dash plays with one of the dolls (ACTION FIGURES!)
"I have a scrapbook" the girl shows a notebook full of news clippings of Iron Man. Dash looks at it, amazed. Wow, Stark really is loved around here.
"We made a drawing of you!" the boy says, holding a drawing of Iron Man fighting what looked like some kind of giant flying snake. Those kids have such imaginations Dash thinks, smiling Giant flying snakes… what's next? Bathtub Time Machines? "Hey! Do you think you could sign it for us?" the boy asks
"What? You mean, like an autograph? Sure" Dash grabs the drawing and a pencil "How are you two called?"
"My name is Louise" the girl says "But everybody calls me Lou"
"I'm Scott" the boy says
"Alright. 'To My Biggest Fans, Scott & Lou…'" Dash begins to sign the drawing
"Hello? Hello? How does this stupid thing works?" Apple's voice comes from the radio inside Dash's helmet "Rainbow Dash, can ya hear me? Where are ya?"
"Hey, Applejack" Dash answers her radio "Yes, I can hear you. I'm just signing some autographs"
"Signing autographs?!" Apple's next few curse words were muffed by radio static "I was dead worried that ya were hurt and yer signing autographs?!"
"Yeah, why? Is it a crime?" Dash asks annoyed "Besides, you shouldn't worry. I'm not hurt. Wait… I'm not hurt, am I?"
"A minor concussion" Jarvis answers "Nothing too severe"
"GET YA BUTT OVER HERE!" Apple yells "We need ya!"
"Fine! Fine!" Dash says and finishes her autograph "Sorry, kids! Gotta go" she flies away
"That was so awesome!" Lou says "The girls at school will never believe I met Iron Man!"
"Well, we have the autograph to prov… wait a minute!" Scott says "He signed 'Rainbow Dash'! And he misspelled our names as 'Scoot & Loo'!"
"Hmm" Lou mumbles, disappointed "…he's probably drunk"
"Yeah…" Scott sighs
Back at the streets of New York, Dash witnesses Twilight Odinson and Apple Rogers fighting the Hulkified Pinkie Banner.
"About time ya came back!" Apple yells, while dodging the Hulk's furious attacks
"What's going on?!" Dash asks "I thought we weren't supposed to attack her!"
"Yeah, well, the plan changed" Twilight, who was blocking one of the Hulk's punch with her arms, said (she was quite thrilled about discovering her new Asgardian strength, by the way. Made her feel more useful) "Dash, your armor has more firepower than us! You need to detain the Hulk before he causes more damage to the city!"
"But…"
"Now, Rainbow!" Twilight yells, while jumping and kicking the Hulk in the chin. The Hulk gives a few steps back, slightly disorientated
"PINKIE HATES TWI NOW!" the Hulk then roars "PINKIE WON'T INVITE TWI FOR PARTIES ANYMORE!"
Twilight dodges the Hulk's attack in the nick of time.
"Rainbow Dash!" Apple yells, urging her to do something
"Alright! Alright! What do I do?" as if answering her question, the plates of the armor open up revealing all sort of weapons, locked and loaded at the Hulk "What the…?"
"Arsenal ready. Target acquired" Jarvis informs "Waiting firing command"
"What are ya waitin' for?" Apple says "Shoot!"
"I… I… I can't" Dash says "That's Bruce… and that's Pinkie too! I can't bring myself to hurt them… any of them…"
"She's hurtin' us!" Apple yells "And she's gonna hurt a lot of other folks too if we don't stop her now!"
"We just need to calm her down…" Dash says "If we just talked to her…"
"We tried that!" Apple yells again
"THEN TRY HARDER!" Dash yells back "I'm not gonna attack her! She doesn't know what she's doing! There's gotta be a way to calm her… something… anything…"
"The way I see it, Ms. Dash" Jarvis says "You only have two courses of action available to you. You either attack the Hulk as your friends are urging you to or you back off, hoping that he would revert back to Bruce Banner soon. I would warn you though, that it can take hours for the Hulk to revert back to his normal state without interference, and, I'm afraid, the probabilities that there will be no interference of the military or others are microscopic. The Hulk then would probably run away and we wouldn't be able to localize him, at least not in time to pursue Loki. So, inaction, while favorable in your emotional perspective, could result in additional collateral damage and, very likely, in your friend waking up in some other country, not knowing how to come back or how to contact us. I can't decide for you, Ms. Dash. It's your choice"
Dash bites her lip. This is not a choice. This is torture.
Well, Dash, what are you going to do?
a) Attack your best old friend and best new friend wrapped in one, which will probably just piss her/him even more.
b) Nothing. Don't attack her/him. Let her/him go so she/he can destroy even more stuff, hurt even more people, and vanish into the horizon to get lost and never be seen again.
c) Chocolate
That's when it clicks.
"Chocolate!" Dash says, as if having an epiphany "Definitely chocolate!"
"I beg your pardon?" Jarvis says, as confused as a computer can be
"I pick C!" Dash said, smiling "Now, gimme some chocolate, Jarvis"
"Chocolate, ma'am?"
"It will calm her down, Jarvis" Dash explained "Please, trust me on this"
"The nearest chocolate store in your current location is the Lindt Chocolate Shop at 692 Fifth Avenue" Jarvis replies "I'll show you the directions"
"Alright! Let's go!" Dash says, as all the weapons go back inside the armor "Hang on, girls! I'll be back soon!" and she flew away
"WHAT?!" Apple yells, dumbfounded
"Where the hay is she going?" Twilight asks
The Hulk takes advantage of Twilight's distraction to hit her with a traffic light post.
Twilight gets a little dizzy. The post breaks in half.
"Hey!" Apple shouts and throws her shield at the Hulk's face (again)
"PINKIE HATES FRISBEE!" the Hulk roars "PINKIE MUST SMASH FRISBEE!"
"Come and get it then" Apple taunted, grabbing the bouncing shield back
The Hulk gets ready to punch her into the asphalt, but Apple dodges, jumping into and then running up the Hulk's arm, stepping on his face, and shield-bashing the back of his neck, before falling and rolling back in the ground.
Furious, the Hulk made a sound reminiscent of the Tasmanian Devil.
"Oh, keep it quiet, ya big oaf" Apple says "And while yer at it… Give us our friend back!"
The Hulk's answer comes in the form of a fist coming down on top of Apple, who blocks it with her shield.
With the Hulk unceasingly pounding the shield, Apple becomes trapped under it with nowhere she could possibly move.
He would keep going, but a traffic light box hits him in the head. Angrily, he turns around, and sees Twilight waving at him.
"Pinkie! Stop, please!" seeing that fighting it wasn't bringing any results, Twilight tries to reason with it again. It may be too late for that though "Look what you're doing! I know you're still in there somewhere… That there's still a part of you who despite of all this anger, all this rage, all this… whatever it is that turned you into this thing… I want to believe that there's still a part of you that can see that what you're doing is wrong…"
"PINKIE NOT WRONG! PINKIE RIGHT!" the Hulk steps forward, menacingly "MEANIES HURT PINKIE SO PINKIE HURT MEANIES!"
"I'm sorry we attacked you, Pinkie. We were just trying to defend ourselves" Twilight says and calmly puts her hands up "I ain't gonna hurt you anymore, see? No weapons, no 'Frisbees', nothing that I could use to attack you… I'm clean"
The Hulk stares down at Twilight "GOOD!" he says and then punches Twilight so hard that her body breaks the asphalt.
The Hulk is ready to give her another punch while she's still dazed, maybe to put her down for good, when he hears someone calling his 'other name'…
"Hey, Pinkie!" Tony Dash appears on the sky carrying a bag with her "Over here!"
The Hulk turns and roars "PINKIE NOT WANNA TALK! TALK BORING!"
"But Piiinkiiiieee…" Dash says with a teasing voice "I brought chocolate…"
Suddenly, the Hulk's expression changes and a huge smile appears on his face "CHOCOLATE?! PINKIE WANT CHOCOLATE! GIVE PINKIE CHOCOLATE!"
"Ok, but first you need to calm down…" Dash says
"CALM DOWN BORING! GIVE CHOCOLATE NOW!" the Hulk starts to get angry again "GIVE PINKIE CHOCOLATE OR PINKIE SMASH!"
"No, Pinkie! No smashing!" Dash says in a 'disapproving mother' tone "I won't give you chocolate unless you stop smashing"
"BUT PINKIE LIKES SMASHING! SMASHING FUN!" the Hulk protested "PINKIE SMASHES EVERYTHING! PINKIE DONE NOTHING BUT SMASH EVER SINCE PINKIE GOT HERE! PINKIE MAY HAVE ADDICTION PROBLEM!"
"Well, then we should do something about it, shouldn't we?" Dash says "That's why we're here, Pinkie. To help you stop smashing, so you can go back to being that sweet, fun pony we all know and love. Right, girls?"
Apple, who was helping Twilight stand up from the little hole in the asphalt, turns at Dash and says "What? Oh, yes. We just want our old Pinkie back"
"See?" Dash says
"PINKIE NO NEED INTERVENTION! PINKIE CAN QUIT WHENEVER SHE WANTS! FRIENDS SHOULD MIND OWN BUSINESS!"
The Hulk smashes a nearby parked car as if to emphasize his point "NOW GIVE PINKIE THE FREAKIN' CHOCOLATE"
"Pinkie, I'm very disappointed at you!" Dash says, reprovingly "You shouldn't treat your friends that way! We're just trying to help!"
"NO! REAL FRIENDS NOT ATTACK PINKIE! REAL FRIENDS GIVE PINKIE CHOCOLATE! YOU NO PINKIE FRIENDS! PINKIE HAS NO FRIENDS!" as soon as those words come out of his mouth, the Hulk stops. His shaggy hair falls down, straight, and his eyes begin to tear up "P-Pinkie… PINKIE HAS NO FRIENDS! BWAAAAAH! NOPONY LOVES PINKIE!" the Hulk sits down, and cries on his hands
The three friends exchange uncomfortable looks. Seeing that giant pile of muscles bawling his eyes out was heart breaking.
"Oh, Pinkie… Ya know that's not true" Apple says "We're yer friends. We love ya"
"Yeah" Twilight agreed
"NO! EVERYPONY HATES PINKIE!" the Hulk kept sobbing "EVERYPONY PINKIE MEETS RUN AWAY OR TRY TO HURT PINKIE! PINKIE WILL DIE LONELY AND UNLOVED!"
"Unloved? Pinkie, please!" Twilight says "Everypony, I repeat, everypony loves you. I don't think there's a single living pony who's as loved as you"
The Hulk didn't answer. His sobs, however, seemed to become quieter.
"Darn, Pinkie, you're breaking my heart" Dash said, opening her faceplate "Here, take the chocolate bag. It's yours"
"No! Pinkie no want chocolate anymore!" the Hulk turns his head away, then quickly turns back and puts the entire bag into his mouth. After swallowing it, he cries again "PINKIE ASHAMED! PINKIE SORRY PINKIE HURT FRIENDS! PINKIE LOVE FRIENDS! PINKIE PROMISE TO CHANGE!"
And she does.
To everypony's amazement, the Hulk begins to shrink, to change, slowly turning back to the fragile, and weary figure of Pinkie Banner.
Pinkie lifts her head, a sad and regretful expression on her face "Did… did Pinkie hurt friends?"
Apple, Twilight, and Dash all look at each other, a tired little smile on their faces "Yeah, but nothing Dashie, AJ, and Twi couldn't shake off" Dash says, winking at her
Pinkie gives a brief, little smile.
"Does Pinkie feel calmer now?" Apple asks, smiling
"Yes, much calmer" Pinkie smiles back
"And can Pinkie use pronouns again?" Twilight asks, raising an eyebrow and smiling
Pinkie giggles "Yes. Yes, she can" her still straight hair then puffs back to normal "I'm so happy we're friends again! C'mon, girls! Group hug time!"
Pinkie stands up, her arms engaged in 'Hug Mode'. Her pants, however, were unable to survive the strain of two Hulk transformations and dropped dead on the ground, revealing, for everypony to see, Pinkie's brand new gender-defining attribute.
Twilight and Apple blush. Dash closes her faceplate, points and screams.
"NOT A FINGER! NOT A FINGER! OH MY GOSH! IT'S STILL BIG AND GREEN!"
"What?" Pinkie asks, and then looks down "Oh, look! I have a penis!"
"You know what that is?" Dash asks, still mid-panic
Pinkie Banner raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms "Dashie, please. I wasn't born yesterday"
"Wait…" Twilight turns to Dash "That's the 'finger in the middle of our legs' that you told me about? You really didn't know what that was?"
"I… uh…" Dash began to blush, luckily they couldn't see it because of her helmet "…maybe?"
"Oh my gosh! Seriously?" Twilight said "Didn't your parents had 'The Talk' with you?"
"What parents?"
"Ooh, I'm feeling chilly" Pinkie rubbed her arms "Hey, look! It's shrinking!"
"I DON'T WANT TO LOOK!" Dash covered her eyes
"You've never seem a penis before, have you?" Twilight asks
"Have you?" Dash asks back
"Well, yeah… I mean, on my books… anatomy 101"
"I DON'T READ BOOKS!" Dash yelled "I especially don't read books about penis! Gross! What's wrong with this world? Why are… those things just dangling out of the body? Why aren't they kept inside like in normal, modest ponies?"
"Heh, heh, Dashie, you're so silly" Pinkie giggles
"AUGH! I SAW IT AGAIN!" Dash covered her helmet's eye openings with her hands
Twilight rolls her eyes "Rainbow Dash, I don't want to sound rude but grow up!" she then ripped her cape off her shoulders (hoping that Thor doesn't mind) and moved towards Pinkie "Here, Pinkie. Cover yourself with this"
Pinkie complies, wrapping herself with Thor's cape, while Dash, against her self-control and self-respect, took one last peek.
"Heh, heh. I'm feeling so regal!" Pinkie laughed
"This is just a provisory solution until we can find you some clothes" Twilight says
"Why do I need clothes?" Pinkie asks "I mean, yeah, I was feeling kinda chilly, but…"
"They wear clothes all the time here, Pinkie" Twilight explains
"Really?" Pinkie asks
"Yeah, I used to wonder why… now I know" Dash says
"Rarity would make a fortune here!" Pinkie says with a smile "Hey! I know! I bet Pepper has a lot of clothes back at her place!"
"Ya met Pepper?" Apple asks
"But of course! She was there when I… oh my gosh!" Pinkie gasps "Pepper! She was near me when I went green!"
"Is she hurt?" Twilight asked, worried
"I don't know!" Pinkie answered "I don't remember!"
"Jarvis! Is Pepper okay?" Dash asks him
"I… I'm afraid I don't know, Ms. Dash"
"What do you mean you don't know?" Dash replied "She's in the tower and you're basically the tower itself!"
"Whatever Loki did to my programming disabled me from being in two clients at the same time" Jarvis explains "When I downloaded myself into the suit, I was no longer in the Stark Tower mainframe. Until I find the error and fix it, I'm afraid I'll need to be physically uploaded back to the main server to run the Stark Tower again"
"And you only told me this now?" Dash asks "This is the kind of stuff we should know in advance! What if she's hurt?"
"I'm deeply sorry, Ms. Dash"
Jarvis was a very advanced computer, but he wasn't perfect.
Despite all his amazing advancements, he wasn't human. He still relied on protocols and commands, like any computer. If there wasn't a protocol for it, if nobody gave him an order, then there was nothing that he could, scratch that, there was nothing that he would do. That's why he didn't warn Stark about Stane when he paralyzed him and stole his Arc Reactor or why he never warned anyone about Mr. Stark's predicament while he struggled to reach the spare reactor, almost dying on the floor. Stark had only installed security protocols on his workshop area, and he never made a protocol for what to do in case he was about to die, since Tony, until that trip to Afghanistan, was always so sure of his own immortality.
Stark was never overly concerned with security, so, by consequence, neither was Jarvis.
But now, it's not Tony and his Devil-May-Care attitude that may be in jeopardy thanks to Jarvis' lack of protocol enforced oversight. It's Pepper…
Computers can't feel regret.
Jarvis can.
"Never mind, Jarvis" Dash sighs "I'll go see if Pepper's okay. Meet you girls in the Helicarrier"
"No, we'll meet you at the tower" Twilight says "We too want to see if Pepper's alright and we still need to get Pinkie some clothes. From there, we go to the Helicarrier together"
"Fine by me" Dash says "See you girls there" and with that she flew away.
"I hope Fury doesn't mind our little detour…" Twilight says to herself
At the Helicarrier's Medical Bay…
Clint is still staring at the ceiling. Clint is still afraid of going to sleep. Clint is still bored to death.
That's when he hears a soft little moan coming from Natasha's bed. She's waking up, Clint thinks, gets out of his bed, and pulls a chair to sit near Natasha.
"Hey, Tasha" Clint says "You're awake? How do you feel? You're feeling fine?"
Without opening her eyes, Natasha smiles softly and says "Yes, I'm feeling much better, thank you"
"You're welcome" Clint smiles "You need something? Water or…"
"Oh, no. You've done a lot for me already" Natasha says, her eyes still closed "I don't wanna be a bother…"
Clint raises an eyebrow Tasha doesn't talk like that then again, she went through a lot these last few days "Bother? Tasha, please, you know me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you"
Natasha smiles again "I love you, Steve" she moans
"I'm sorry, what?!"
Natasha then opened her eyes, fully awake, her face turning red "Oh my. D-did I say that out loud? I-I didn't mean to…" she stops once she turns and sees Clint, her face turning pale and her pupils dilating.
"Uh, Tasha? Are you…"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…" Natasha screams, pushing Clint out of her way, and running out of the Bay.
"Ouch. Tasha, wait!" Clint says, but she was already gone
"…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…" her screams could be heard throughout the corridors
What the hell is wrong with her? I've never thought I would see Tasha panicking before…
Clint moves toward the exit of the Bay, but before he can make it, Natasha appears past it again, running on the opposite direction, flailing her arms around.
"…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…"
On the bridge, Nick Fury caresses his temples. This mess after mess shit is taking a toll on him.
"…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…"
And all this screaming is not helping his headache!
"What the hell is going on in there?!" Nick Fury shouts, and goes inside the lower levels of the Helicarrier. Down there, he is presented with the sight of Natasha Romanoff running in panic, towards him
"…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Natasha stops on her tracks when she sees Fury "AH! A PIRATE!"
"What?!" Fury yells, as Natasha threw herself in the ground, cowering in fear
"P-please don't hurt me, Mr. Scary Pirate" Natasha stuttered
Fury looks inquiringly at Clint who has just arrived in the aisle, almost out of breath.
"She… she woke up like this, sir" Clint answered Fury's silent question, catching his breath.
Fury looked at Natasha again and asked "What's your name?"
"F-Fluttershy, Mr. Pirate, sir" said Fluttasha
"I'm not a pirate"
"So, she's one of them ponies now?" Clint says "How? She didn't touch the portal!"
"We'll have time to figure that out later" Fury says "Now, we need…"
"Director Fury, sir?" Maria Hill interrupted through the radio "Do you copy?"
"Yes, Hill. What is it?" Fury says
"I think we've just pinpointed Loki's location and direction"
"And?"
"You're not gonna like it, sir"
At the tower…
Dash was giving the now awake Pepper a glass of water, when Twilight, Apple, and Pinkie entered the room.
"Oh. There you are, girls" Dash greeted them
"Hey, Dash" Twilight greeted and then turned to Pepper "Are you okay, Pepper?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" Pepper smiled "I just a have a few bruises and a headache"
Pinkie feels guilty "I'm sorry, Pep…" she apologizes "I didn't mean to…"
"It's okay, Pinkie. Now I can get myself an 'I've survived the Hulk' T-Shirt" Pepper joked
Pinkie giggled
"Speaking of shirts" Twilight says "Do you have some clothes that we could use? Pinkie, well, you know…"
"Sure! Tony and I have plenty of spare shirts and pants on our room" Pepper gesticulated with her arm "Go ahead. Knock yourselves out! I'll stay here for a while"
"Thanks, Pep" Pinkie said as she, Twilight, Apple, and Dash moved towards the bedroom.
Before entering the room though, Twilight couldn't help but notice that the rift was gone. What could have happened to it? Well, it's probably better this way…
On the bedroom, Pinkie was rummaging through the piles of t-shirts on Pepper's drawers, had already put on the first pair of pants that was given to her (as Dash had begged her to do). Wow, Pepper had a lot of funny t-shirts. Each one nerdier than the other…
'I Lost an Electron''Are You Positive?'
3.14 Is But a Slice of Pi
Don't Let Gravity Bring You Down
C:/DOS C:/DOS/RUN RUN/DOS/RUN
Friction Is a Drag
Bromine Osmium Before Holmium Einsteinium
Physicists Do It With Charm
Pinkie finally finds one that she really likes. Even though she really liked the other ones too.
"Hey, what you girls think of this one?" Pinkie showed them the shirt
There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't
Twilight giggles. Apple and Dash tilt their heads confused.
"I don't get it" Dash says
"Me neither" Apple says
"It's actually quite clever, girls" Twilight begins to explain "You see…"
"The binary code is a numerical system consisting of rows of zeros and ones assigned in strings or 'bits' of eight binary digits" Pinkie said "Each combination of these strings can represent a letter, as regulated by the Equestrian Standard Code for Information Interchange, or a number in octal, decimal, or hexadecimal notation. In the joke in question, the number 10 actually translates to 02 in a binary-hexadecimal table, so the sentence actually reads that there are only two, not ten, types of ponies in the world: Those who understand binary, and therefore the joke, and those who don't"
Apple, Twilight, and Dash, stare at Pinkie, their jaws slacked with surprise.
"Pinkie?" Twilight says "How… how did you know all that?"
"The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma" Pinkie answered with an expressionless face. A few seconds later, she giggles "Heh, heh, milk"
"This is stupid!" Dash protested "What's the point of telling a joke that nopony understands?"
"It's not that nopony understands, Rainbow" Twilight says "It's only that a few ponies, those who are knowledgeable about the subject, get it. It's a niche joke"
"It's pedantic elitism!" Dash, who had a very good vocabulary for somepony who never read a book, said "I'll say it right now: People and ponies who make jokes that you can only understand if you know binary are nothing but stuck up idiots who think they're way more clever and funny than they really are. That's right! Whoever makes binary jokes is a stuck up idiot!"
Before Dash could continue fighting for the laughing rights of the less knowledgeable, Jarvis interrupts them.
"Director Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. wishes to talk to you. Should I put him on?"
"Hey! Is that my conscience?" Pinkie asks, after hearing Jarvis for the first time
"Hey, Jarvis!" Twilight said "You're back at the Tower mainframe!"
"Yeah, he connected the armor back to the server while I waited for Pepper to wake up" Dash says "He says the glitches are fixed now. We'll take the call, Jarvis"
"Glad to see you're all mostly okay" Nick Fury appears on the bedroom's screen "We have some news for you bunch. First, I need you all to come back to the Helicarrier"
"But what about Pepper?" Twilight asks "Can we leave her here alone? I mean, we're not even sure if she's really okay…"
"You need not to worry, Ms. Sparkle" Jarvis says "I'm contacting Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes. He will be arriving soon to keep Ms. Potts company"
"And who's that?" Apple asks
"Colonel Rhodes is a jet pilot and Aerospace engineer of the US Air Force, and former liaison of Stark Industries with the Sector of Weapons Development" Jarvis answered "He's also Mr. Stark's best friend"
"Oh, ok" Apple said "Ya could have saved us some time if ya started with that last part, don't ya think?"
"Huh. And here I thought Bruce was his best friend" Dash said
"So? He can't have more than one best friend?" Pinkie asked, and then hugged her friends "Why, I happen to have five!"
Somewhere, a Sitcom live audience just went 'D'aww'
Nick Fury frowns "Is there something about Dr. Banner you three aren't telling me?"
"Uh… I… I thought we had told you, but…" Twilight says
"He was swapped too, right?" Fury says
"WHAT?!" Clint's voice is heard on the background
"Yeah… meet Pinkie Pie" Twilight introduced her
"Hi!" Pinkie cheered "Hey! Are you a…"
"I'm not a fucking pirate!"
"Oh, okay… gee, sorry"
"The pirate doesn't like when we call him a pirate, Pinkie" Dash whispered to her
"But I was gonna ask him if he was a spy!" Pinkie replied
"Banner's a pony too?!" Clint says off screen "Shit! This means I'm next, doesn't it?"
"This brings me to one of the news I had for you" Fury ignores Clint "Agent Romanoff was, too, swapped with a pony. She's called Fluttershy. I take that you know her?"
"Fluttershy?! Yes, of course!" Twilight says "How is she?"
"She's fine" Fury says "She's back at the Medical Bay, drinking some tea for her nerves…"
"Hey! Who else is left in your group?" Clint chimed in "Who's gonna be swapped with me? Please, say is someone manly… or at least not too ladylike! Maybe someone with a gender neutral personality, yes? Yes?"
The four exchange glances before Dash begins to say "Well…"
"FUCK! I'm so fucked!"
"Get a hold of yourself, Barton!" Nick Fury pushes him out of the way, so he can talk to the friends again "Now, for the other news: We located Loki"
"Great!" Dash says
"No, not great" Fury says "Great would be if I had a capable team to deal with him. Great would be if he had never escaped to begin with. I used to have three geniuses on my team. Now, two of them were replaced with equine aliens of average intelligence and the third one is brainwashed and helping the enemy. Again"
"Hey! Whose intelligence you're calling average?" Dash yelled
"Oh, I know! I know!" Pinkie smiled "It's mine and Dashie's, right?"
"When you put things that way it does sound kinda bad…" Twilight mutters
"Oh, c'mon, guys! It's not that bad!" Pinkie says "You know what I always say: As long as there is ice cream, there is hope!"
"What… Pinkie, you never said that!" Twilight points out
"Well, I said it now!" Pinkie laughs and hops toward the kitchen "Don't worry girls, I'll bring us hope!"
"Anyway…" Fury says, after Pinkie left the room "We need you here more than ever. We must begin your briefing of the full situation ASAP"
"Alright, then" Twilight said "We'll be on our way"
"Good. Over and out" Fury said and the screen turned off
"Oh, no! We're out of hope!" Pinkie's voice came from the kitchen "Oh, wait. Nevermind. Found some hope behind the 'Frozen Fish Sticks' whatever that is"
Author's Note
Author's Notes (Please Read):
I apologize in advance for the delay the next chapter will most certainly have.
You see, the next chapter will be a little different... Rather than being about the Mane Six or The Avengers, the entire chapter will be centered around Certain Minor Characters that have no freakin' idea of what's going on, but will go to (relatively) great lenghs to find out.
So, since the chapter will be about an outside point of view of events yet to happen, first I need to map out said events, so I won't fuck up the fic's continuity.
This fic's summary is 100% true! I have no idea where I'm going with this! I only know who'll be swapped with who and a faint idea of how I want it to end. Everything else is pretty much done on the fly. So, now, for the first time ever on this fic, I'll have to plan many events ahead and in what order, making sure I won't add anything in the later "normal" chapters that contradicts what the next chapter will present.
It's gonna be a challenge, and it's gonna take a while, but I think it's gonna be worthy it.
See you there.
01000011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01110011 01101111 01101110 00100000 01001100 01101001 01110110 01100101 01110011
Cutie Mark Crusaders, Yay!
HOLY MACARONI!
It took me so long to update! I'm so ashamed!
This Chapter is so fucking long! And it's cut short from what I have first planned! If this chapter had actually covered everything I wanted it to cover, it would have been 70 million words long and would only be ready when Season 5 of MLP had ended!
So, yeah... this was supposed to be the only "Cutie Mark Crusaders Chapter" which would have followed the background adventures of those three fillies (and whoever tagged along) from where we last have seen them until near the end of the fic proper. But, now, I'm gonna have to write more Crusaders chapters to tell their side of the story in full... unless you don't think I should, I mean, if you don't like this chapter.
Chapter 14 will go back to the protagonists' point of view. It will not take as long! I promise!
In other news, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: I came for Phil Coulson. I stayed for Jemma Simmons.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, YAY!
Somewhere, just inside the limits of Sweet Apple Acres, there was a tree. But it wasn't any tree for that tree housed a tree house. And not just any tree house either! But the headquarters of what is like the greatest secret club like ever!
The history of the Cutie Mark Crusaders organization is a short but glorious one. Its foundation took place in a social event sponsored by local socialite Diamond Tiara, where future CMC founder and CEO Applebloom felt herself undervalued thanks to her symbolic gluteal imagery insufficiency. That's when she met and befriended her future business partners Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo who suffered the same plight. Together, the three associates decided to create a club that could serve as a safe harbor where little fillies like themselves could play and search for their true calling without having to face teasing and discrimination.
And so, the Teen Brigade was born!
I mean, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were born!
The Crusaders' initial mission statement was to welcome any and every pony without a Cutie Mark, and help them find their special talent, so they can finally acquire their Cutie Marks. Thanks to this, the CMC was the only society of any kind where its members' main objective is to try and do anything and everything they can to NOT be eligible as part of that society anymore. (Not counting Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watchers, etc.)
While the organization is still young, the future reserves great things for the three young entrepreneurs. Only a few months from now, the Crusaders would have a fateful meeting with one Babs Seed, who went from potential associate to forceful detractor of the organization to potential associate again! After a successful business meeting, the three founders stroke a deal with Ms. Seed which made her responsible for franchising the CMC brand in Manehattan.
In a short few years time, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo would leave the Crusaders after they gained their Cutie Marks. Later, already as adults, seeing how their little club had helped them during that awkward, difficult phase of their lives, the three friends decided to reopen their Tree House Base to welcome any fillies and colts who wished to have a place where they could learn more about how they can discover their special talents, in an initiative made in association with the school and Ms. Babs Seed who the founders got in contact again.
The renewed Crusaders Initiative would present and guide young fillies and colts through many different activities, from cooking to sewing to rappelling to surfing, so they could test their skills and, with any luck, discover their talent and gain their Cutie Marks. For each new activity the young ponies would try, they would receive a 'fake' custom Cutie Mark so they can remember what they already learned and tried. Those fake Cutie Marks would be sewn into a ceremonial sash, not unlike how humans do in their 'Boy/Girl Scouts' groups.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders would invite anypony who had already gained their Cutie Marks to either tell their stories to the young members or take a part-time volunteer job as an instructor. As the years would go by, former members who gained their Marks thanks to the CMC would return to the organization and its branches as teachers so they could pass their lessons forward. Not long after that, more ponies, mares and stallions, old and young, would ask to join (or rejoin) the Cutie Mark Crusaders despite already having Cutie Marks themselves just so they could learn more. In response, the CMC changed its policies to accept those and anypony who desired to attend their many courses to expand and improve their practical skills. This decision was considered a social breakthrough and helped destroy one of the most long-lasting taboos of pony society: Whether ponies could master abilities that transcended those defined by its Cutie Marks.
In 20 years time, the CMC would end up as the Fifth most recognizable brand in all of Equestria, losing only to PieCo. International - Party Arrangement and Supplies; Rarity Designs; S.A.D.D.L.E.; and Derpy/Dash Advanced Computer Systems.
50 years after its inception, the Cutie Mark Crusaders would win the Cadence Award for Lifelong Achievements in the Betterment of Equestria and Ponykind. Fluttershy, who won the previous year's award for her contribution in the foundation and maintenance of the Everfree Forest Wildlife Sanctuary, presented the award to Applebloom who accepted it in the name of her friends and 'everypony out there who has a dream in their hearts but still no Marks in their flanks. Keep dreaming. Keep trying. Dreams do come true'. During her speech, she told the, by that time, already legendary story of how she and her two best friends finally got their Cutie Marks…
But this is a story for another time.
Back to that tree house, present time, before all that headcanon crap I just made up happened, the Crusaders bravely hid under their conference table, which is actually a crate not a table.
As they tremble valiantly, our three heroes whisper to each other.
"How long we'll have to stay here?" Sweetie Belle asks "Do you girls think it's already safe to get out?"
"I'm not even sure if it's safe to stay in!" Scootaloo replied
"I'm pretty sure Pinkie doesn't know about our clubhouse…" Applebloom says
"But Applejack does!" Scootaloo said "And she and Pinkie are close friends! What if she told her?"
"Scootaloo is right! Pinkie is coming to kill us and turns us into cupcakes! THE CLUBHOUSE IS NOT SAFE!" Sweetie Belle screams, flipping the crate off their heads "WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" she then proceeds to run towards the exit.
"No, wait! Wait just a fucking minute" Applebloom shouted, which made Sweet Belle stop on her tracks and turn quizzically at her "Why are we running? Why are we hiding? What are we so scared of? Pinkie is not chasing us! She's not gonna turn us into cupcakes! Where did this whole stupid cupcakes thing came from, anyway?"
"Well… it was Scootaloo who said it…" Sweetie Belle says
"Yeah, but we both agreed it was a ridiculous idea!" Applebloom turns to Scootaloo "And ya meant it as a joke, didn't ya?"
"Well, yeah… but then…"
"Then what?"
"Then she asked us about hacksaws!" Scootaloo replied
"So? That doesn't mean anything! I mean, if I asked ya about a hammer, do ya think I just want to bludgeon ya with it?" Applebloom said "I don't know, girls… I think we really overreacted out there"
"But… even if she didn't want to kill us, Pinkie's still a criminal!" Sweetie Belle said "You said it yourself"
"Uh… I don't know…" Applebloom muses "Maybe she's innocent"
"Innocent?" Sweetie Belle asks
"Yeah, I mean, she didn't chase us after we ran away" Applebloom says "In fact, she seemed to just want to talk to us, to explain something… It just doesn't strike me as something somepony who's guilty would do"
"But you said she confessed to be a fugitive!" Sweetie Belle insists
"Yes, she confessed to being a fugitive. She didn't confess to being guilty" Applebloom pointed out "I mean, is that what somepony guilty would do? Just confess to Mr. & Mrs. Cake like that? And then just leave Sugar Cube Corner without making sure they won't tell anypony? I'm telling ya, girls, the more I think about it the less I think she's guilty"
"Then why the hay is she a fugitive?" Sweetie Belle asked, slightly irritated
"She got framed!" Scootaloo concludes
"Framed?" Sweetie Belle asks
"Yes! Scootaloo is right! Pinkie was framed!" Applebloom agrees "It's the only thing that makes sense!"
"But why would anypony frame Pinkie?" Sweetie Belle asked, not entirely convinced
"Maybe Spruce had enemies…" Applebloom starts before being interrupted by Scootaloo
"Wait, Spruce?" Scootaloo asks "Who's Spruce?"
"Oh, right, I forgot" Applebloom said "That's Pinkie's real name. I guess she had to change it so whoever framed her couldn't find her. If they hated her enough to try to frame her is not much of a stretch to think they'll try to find her again and kill her!"
"Or… maybe whoever framed her didn't hate her at all!" Scootaloo chimed in "Maybe Pink… I mean, Spruce was just some random pony they picked by chance to receive the blame for their crimes so they could get away with them"
"Gosh! Yer right, Scootaloo!" Applebloom said "Poor Spruce!"
"Or maybe she's playing with us!" Sweetie Belle says "Maybe all this acting all innocent thing is just that, an act! Maybe she's really guilty! I don't think we should just assume her innocence so fast! We barely knew her before we found out that we don't know her at all!"
"Even if she's guilty, maybe it's not an act" Applebloom suggested "Maybe she truly regrets whatever it is that she did and is trying to make up for it"
"Ouch! All these 'ifs' and 'maybes' are making my head hurt!" Scootaloo said
"Well, 'maybes' and 'ifs' is all we have, isn't it?" Sweetie Belle said "Just sitting here with a bunch of suppositions and no certainties…"
"Sweetie Belle is right!" Applebloom exclaimed
"Of course I am" Sweetie Belle said and then asked "I'm right about what?"
"We need to investigate!" Applebloom answered
"We do?" Sweetie Belle asked
"But of course!" Applebloom replied "Whether Spruce is guilty or not, whether she was framed or not, whether her name is Spruce or Pinkie, we're not gonna find out if we stay here hiding! We need to go out there and find some answers!"
"Are you out of your mind?!" Scootaloo said
"Why? What's the matter?"
"What's the matter?! Applebloom! We're just three little fillies against possible criminals, thieves, murderers, framers, and cannibals!" Scootaloo remarked "We shouldn't mess with this stuff! I'd say we better stay here, mind our own business and, like, never get near Pinkie again"
"What's the problem, Scootaloo? Getting cold hooves?" Sweetie Belle teased "Not surprising coming from a chicken. Bawk, bawk"
"I'm not a chicken!" Scootaloo shouted, irritated "You're the one who were scared as hay just a few minutes ago! It's just… it's just that I don't think this whole thing concern us… that's all…"
"And since when has that stopped us?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Oh, c'mon, Scootaloo!" Applebloom said "Aren't ya just a little bit curious? Besides, do ya really think we should just ignore all of this?"
"I just think we should, I don't know, just tell a responsible adult and let them deal with it…"
"Yeah, like they would listen to us…" Sweetie Belle grumbles to herself
"Oh, yeah?" Applebloom asked with a smirk "Is that what Rainbow Dash would do? Just tell somepony else and trot away?"
"Of course not!" Scootaloo answered "Rainbow Dash would go to the bottom of this mystery and fuck it in the butt!"
Friendly Reminder: The Crusaders (and everypony who they told their 'new word' to) still think that 'fuck' is, among other things, just another world for 'buck'.
"So, don't ya wanna be like her?" Applebloom asks
"I… I'm not sure…" Scootaloo said, warming up a little to the idea
"C'mon! It will be fun!" Applebloom said "Besides, who knows, if we solve this mystery and if we are really good at it, we may get our Cutie Marks as Private Investigators!"
"You're right!" Sweetie Belle smiled
"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" Scootaloo said, now fully on board
"So, are ya girls in?" Applebloom asks
"Fuck yes!" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle answer at the same time
"Ok, then! Let's go!" Applebloom smiled
"Cutie Mark Crusaders, Private Investigators, Yay!" the Crusaders gave their three-hooves-up salute
"Wait…" Applebloom says "We can't be Private Investigators"
"Why not?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Because nopony hired us!" Applebloom explains
"Darn, you're right" Scootaloo says, disappointed "Wait! I know! We can be Investigative Reporters!"
"Don't we need to be hired by a newspaper for that?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Not if we're freelancers!" Scootaloo said
"Alright! Let's do it!" Applebloom exclaimed
"Cutie Mark Crusaders, Freelance Investigative Reporters, Yay!" the three cheered
After doing their 'three-way high hoof', the three friends just stood still, smiling at each other for a couple of minutes…
"Uh…" Sweetie Belle finally says
"Yes?" Applebloom replied
"What do we do now?" Sweetie Belle asks
"Hmm…" Applebloom puts her hoof on her chin, thoughtful "I… have no idea. How do we start an investigation?"
"We look for clues!" Scootaloo said
"We buy a pipe and a magnifying glass!" Sweetie Belle said
"No, that's for detectives. We're reporters!" Scootaloo pointed out "We need fedoras"
"Yeah, Scootaloo is right" Applebloom said
"About the fedoras?" Sweetie Belle asked
"No! I mean, yeah, that too, but I was talkin' about the clues!" Applebloom said "We need to find clues"
"Then what are we waiting for?" Scootaloo said "Let's do it!"
And so, they start their investigation. They look all over the clubhouse for clues. They look under the table (crate). They look behind the posters and drawings nailed on the wall. They look under their hooves to see if they didn't step on some. They look under the carpet. They look under some loose boards on the floor. They don't find any clues. But they do find an old dirty chewing gum which Scootaloo chews despite her friends' protests…
"THIS IS NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE!" Applebloom finally shouts, frustrated "Why are we even searchin' for clues here?! There ain't any clues here!"
"Well" Sweetie Belle says "Where can we find clues then?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Applebloom admits "I… oh, let's face it, girls… we have no idea what we're doin'…" she lowers her head in defeat
"Yeah… I guess we're not cut out to be investigative reporters…" Sweetie Belle says, sad "We can say goodbye to those Cutie Marks now…"
"Fuck no!" Scootaloo shouts, spitting her gum out "C'mon, girls! We can't give up when we didn't even start! So, we don't know how to do the first step? Let's find somepony who does!"
Applebloom raises her head. She stares at Scootaloo, thinking it over. After a few seconds, she smiles and says "Alright! Let's not give up! We just need somepony who can tell us how to do an investigation. C'mon, girls! Think of somepony who's smarter than us!"
The three fillies begin to think… Who's the smartest pony in town?
"I GOT IT!" the three say at the same time
"Rarity!" Sweetie Belle said
"Applejack!" Applebloom said
"Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo said
The Crusaders then stare at each other.
"Rainbow Dash is a lot smarter than…" Scootaloo begins to argue
"Rainbow Dash knows nothing!" Sweetie Belle interrupts "Rarity is much more refined and intelligent!"
"You take that back!" Scootaloo says, angry "Rarity is just a stuck-up, princess wannabe!"
Sweetie Belle gasps "You did not just… Rainbow Dash is stupid!"
"No, Rarity is!"Scootaloo replies
"Nu-uh" Sweetie Belle says
"Yeah-huh" Scootaloo replies
"Nu-uh"
"Yeah-huh"
"Nu-uh"
"Yeah-huh"
"Girls, girls, let's stop fightin'" Applebloom says "We ain't gettin' anywhere! Besides, we all know Applejack is smarter than everypony else"
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle turn to Applebloom "No, she's not!" they say
"Yes, she is" Applebloom replies
"Nu-uh" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle both say
"Yeah-huh" Applebloom says
"Nu-uh"
"Yeah-huh"
"Nu-uh"
"Yeah-huh"
"Nu—" Sweetie Belle starts
"You two only picked Applejack and Rarity because they're your sisters!" Scootaloo yelled
"Oh, yeah?" Sweetie Belle said "Well, you only picked Rainbow Dash because she's your idol!"
"May be" Scootaloo crossed her hooves "But I'm not related to her. So my opinion is more valid than yours"
"Why, you…" Sweetie Belle begins to get angry
"No, wait" Applebloom says "Scootaloo is right…"
"Ha! I win!" Scootaloo celebrated "Now let's go find Rainbow Dash!"
"Not about that, ya dummy!" Applebloom said, irritated "Yer right that we picked our choices based on who we liked the most, not on who was better. If we want to become journalists, we need to focus on facts, not in opinions!"
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle exchange guilty looks.
"You're right…" Sweetie Belle says
"Sorry" Scootaloo apologizes
"Never mind, girls, it's fine…" Applebloom says "Now, let's think, seriously this time, who's the brainiest, smartest pony we know?"
"Smartest pony we know… smartest pony we know…" They all whisper as if chanting a mantra until their faces all light up with an epiphany "I KNOW!" they exclaim at the same time
"Twilight!" Applebloom said
"Twilight!" Sweetie Belle said
"Rainbow D… Twilight!" Scootaloo said
"Alright! So, we all agree that Twilight is the pony we're lookin' for, right?" Applebloom asks. They nod "Then let's go to the library!"
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, YAY!"
A few minutes later, at the library…
Spike is returning the books on the shelves after separating them in three piles: Fiction, Non-Fiction, and Textbooks. Why did they even take the Fiction books out of the shelves is beyond him. Weren't they making a research about magic and the Elements of Harmony? How would the Daring Do novels (which he remembers Stark calling 'a cheap Lara Croft knockoff' whatever that means) help them achieve that?
He would probably keep grumbling to himself had he not heard the sound of steps entering the library…
"Back so soon, Fluttershy? Why, you didn't…" Spike stops once he turns around and sees the Crusaders "Oh, sorry. I thought you girls were Fluttershy"
"We're lookin' for Twilight" Applebloom said "Do ya know where she is?"
"I… uh…" Spike scratched the back of his head "She… she's not here…"
"Well, do ya know where she is?" Applebloom asks again, raising an eyebrow
"Well, uh… she's… she's in another dimension?" Spike replies with a nervous smile
The Crusaders frown at him.
"They never take us seriously…" Sweetie Belle murmurs
"Look, if you don't know where she is, just say it" Scootaloo said
"But it's true! I…" Spike tries to explain
"Never mind" Applebloom says "Let's go, girls. We'll think of something else…"
"Wait! I…" Spike sighs "She's in the hospital"
"The hospital?!" Applebloom turns back "Why? What happened?"
"She broke a leg" Spike says "Long story"
"Broke a leg?" Sweetie Belle said "That means good luck!"
"Okay, girls" Applebloom said to her friends "Let's go to the hospital!"
"Wait! She's there but she's not herse…" Spike begins to say but the Crusaders had already left "Oh, well…" he shrugs and proceeds to put Crime & Furnishment back on the shelf.
At the Hospital Reception…
Nurse Redheart is organizing the patients' clipboards when she sees the three young fillies moving towards her.
"Hello, girls" Nurse Redheart smiled "Is there anything I can help you with?"
"We're lookin' for Twilight" Applebloom said "Spike said she was here"
Redheart's smile disappears "Oh… her" she says with a slight hint of contempt in her voice "Ms. Sparkle is currently on a private room receiving care for her bone fracture and other minor injuries… despite her incessant protests" she says the last few words under her breath
"Can we see her?" Applebloom asks "It's important"
"I… guess I can allow some visitors" Nurse Redheart answers "I must warn you, though, that her erratic behavior may difficult your communication with her"
"Erratic behavior?" Applebloom asks
"She's having violent outbursts, suffering from delusions, and, I suspect, developing a case of dissociative identity disorder" Redheart said "I wanted to put her on the Psychiatric Ward, but her friend, Rarity, insisted that…"
"What the hay is 'disochative' identity disorder?" Scootaloo whispered to Applebloom while Redheart kept talking
"I dunno" Applebloom answered "I hope it's not serious"
"…worst patient I've ever had, it pains me to say" Nurse Redheart concludes as they approach a door "This is her room" she says and opens the door "Ms. Sparkle, you have visi…"
CRASH!
Nurse Redheart is interrupted by a plate of hospital food being thrown against the wall.
"TAKE THIS REPULSIVE DISH OFF MY SIGHTS! IT OFFENDS MY SENSES!" Twilight shouts from her bed "Did you scrap the dirt of the deepest crevice of Niflheim and tried to pass it for aliment?"
"Ms. Sparkle!" Nurse Redheart says while protecting the surprised Crusaders behind her back
"You!" Twilight points at Redheart "You are the one responsible for this loathsome meal! Is with such contempt that you treat your ill?"
"Ms. Sparkle, frankly" Redheart frowns "I know plenty of ponies dislike hospital food but it can hardly count as mistreatment! You haven't eaten ever since you were admitted here! You need to eat!"
"I refuse to ingest any more of this unpalatable grub!" Twilight said with disgust "Verily, the excrements of a Bilgesnipe are more appetizing!"
"Why is Twilight talking funny?" Sweetie Belle whispered to the others
"What are you talking about?" Scootaloo whispered back "She always talked funny"
"Yeah, but she's talking… funnier" Sweetie Belle says
"Maybe it's because of that dis… disservi… dissasem… disarm… That identity thing" Applebloom replies
"Yeah" Scootaloo said "Or maybe she hit that big head of hers" she gives a small laugh
"Or maybe her brain broke down after reading so many books" Sweetie Belle suggests
They both start to giggle
"Girls, c'mon, that's not nice" Applebloom whispered "This could be serious"
"Sorry" they said, still laughing
"Cease treating me as an infant!" Twilight barked to Nurse Redheart "I'm a prince and you're testing my patience!"
"I'm testing your patience?!" Redheart asked, getting increasingly more irritated "I will stop treating you like a child the moment you stop acting like one! And don't think that just because you are Celestia's protégée that I'll treat you any different than my other patients, little Princess"
"You dare call me princess?" Twilight got angrier "The Son of Odin will not tolerate this mockery!"
"Mockery?! I was doing you a favor calling you a princess!" Nurse Redheart said, leaving her bedside manner training behind "I don't even know why I'm even indulging you in your delusions! You're not yet a princess, Twilight! If you keep insisting in that fantasy and in your violent temper tantrums I'll have no choice but to relocate you to a padded room! You understand me?"
"I care not for your idle threats, nefarious witch!" Twilight said
"Ms. Sparkle!" Nurse Redheart yelled, indignant "I will not tolerate this kind of personal attacks! I—What the hay are you doing?!"
Twilight was getting out of her bed.
"I will not remain inside this chamber of tortures while my friends face peril without me!"
"Don't even think about it! You are not discharged!" Redheart said in an authoritative tone "You will only cause further injuries to your leg! You need to rest! Go back to your bed now!"
"I say thee nay!" Twilight said
"Ok, that's it! Excuse me, girls" Nurse Redheart says, as she opens the door of the room and yells at the hall "We have a code 6-1-6 on Room 42! Bring the straitjacket!"
"Straitjacket?!" the Crusaders exchanged curious looks
Before any of them could say another thing, two male nurses arrived in the room in response of the code 6-1-6 (Uncooperative Patient in Need of Restraint) carrying a straitjacket on their hooves, and trying to put it on Twilight.
"Unhand me, quadruped beasts!" Twilight roared "I wish to leave this accursed realm!"
"This is for your own good, Ms. Sparkle" Nurse Redheart said calmly but sternly "For your safety and the safety of others"
With difficulty, the nurses finally manage to put the straitjacket on Twilight and, with a little more struggle, they lay her on a stretcher and proceed to relocate her to a padded room.
"You cannot do this to the Prince of Asgard!" Twilight shouted "I demand you to release me this instant!"
"You tell them!" a white/grey haired blue pony cheered from her padded room before barking
"Such a shame" Nurse Redheart gave a sad sigh, shaking her head as she and the Crusaders stand on the hall watching Twilight being dragged to her new room shouting hysterical protests "She had such a bright future ahead of her…"
"Gosh, Twilight went crazy!" Applebloom said
"Cool!" Scootaloo said
"What are we going to do now?" Sweetie Belle asks
"Well, we can't count on Twilight's help anymore…" Applebloom begins to think "…so, we need to talk with the second smartest pony we know…"
Already knowing the drill, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle join Applebloom in her task of figuring out who exactly is the second smartest pony they know. The faces of the three of them light up at the same time.
"Ms. Cheerilee!" they say in chorus
"Shush!" Nurse Redheart tells them
"Sorry" Applebloom whispers an apology "Well, girls, it's settled then. We're off to see Ms. Cheerilee"
"Then what are we waiting for?" Sweetie Belle says
"Let's go!" Scootaloo says
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, YAY!" they make their high-hoof salute
"Shush!" Nurse Redheart says again, more harshly this time
"cutie mark crusaders, yay" they whisper with a low-hoof salute
Cheerilee was the only teacher in the only school in Ponyville. She always wanted to be a teacher, but when she received her Cutie Mark she knew she was doomed to become a gardener. Desperately trying to keep her dream alive, Cheerilee made up some bullshit about the flowers on her flank being a metaphor for students. Because her parents were dumb as fuck, they bought it. She keeps the pretense to this day, so she can fulfill her dream of teaching young colts and fillies without fearing persecution. But, one day, she hopes to teach her students the most important lesson of all: that they are free to choose their destiny. That they can ignore their Cutie Marks. That if they want to be an artist even though their special talent is accounting, they can! No more obsolete dogmas of a close-minded society! No more labels! No more Cutie Marks!
Viva La Revolución!
KNOCK KNOCK
Who could it be? Cheerilee thinks as she goes to answer her door
"Oh, hi girls!" Cheerilee greets the Crusaders "How do you know where I liv—I mean, what brings you three here?"
"Hi, Ms. Cheerilee" Applebloom greeted back "We're in an important mission and we need ya help!"
Cheerilee chuckles and rolls her eyes "Of course you are. Another quest for your Cutie Marks, I presume?" she winks at them
"The correct term is 'crusade'" Sweetie Belle said
"No. I mean, yeah, kind of" Applebloom answers Cheerilee "But this is much more important than our Cutie Marks! We're in the middle of an investigation and…"
"Well, we're not really in the middle of an investigation…" Sweetie Belle said
"Yeah, we haven't even started it yet" Scootaloo agrees
"…and that's why we need ya!" Applebloom concludes "We don't know how to start an investigation and yer the smartest pony we know! Can ya help us?"
Cheerilee smiles, flattered for being considered the smartest pony they know "Well, I'll see what I can do" she laughs "What is this investigation about?"
"Uh… wait a sec" Applebloom says and then turns to her friends, as they whisper among themselves "I'm sorry, but we can't disclose that information" Applebloom finally says to Cheerilee
"Yeah, It's Top Secret" Sweetie Belle says
"We can't reveal what we have without verifying its… uh… what's the word… without checking how true it is" Scootaloo says
"Yeah, if word gets out, and it turns out to not be true, the gossip could harm the ponies involved" Sweetie Belle continued
"It's basic journalism ethics" Scootaloo concludes
"And you probably wouldn't believe us anyway" Sweetie Belle added
Cheerilee covers her mouth, trying not to chuckle. Oh, these girls and their little adventures. They look so cute when they're trying to be serious.
"Oh, well, I understand that" Cheerilee smiled "But how can I help the little detectives…"
"Reporters" Scootaloo corrected
"Sorry, reporters" Cheerilee smiled "if they won't tell me what this is all about?"
"Well, there's one thing that we may be able to tell ya…" Applebloom motions for Cheerilee to get closer. Cheerilee rolls her eyes, amused, and lowers her head so Applebloom can whisper in her ear "There's somepony in town who may or may not be who she say she is"
"Oh, really?" Cheerilee indulges them "An impostor, huh?"
"Uh... not really..." Applebloom says "It's more like... uh... it's more like..."
"It's more like if somepony you've known your entire life turned out to be lying about who she was the entire time"
"Exactly" Applebloom says "Thanks, Sweetie Belle"
"I see" Cheerilee says "So you're trying to discover this mysterious pony's true identity?"
"Oh, no, we already know that" Sweetie Belle says "It's Spruce"
"Spruce?" Cheerilee asks
"Sweetie Belle!" Applebloom shouted "That was classified information!"
"Oops, sorry" Sweetie Belle apologized "I let it slip"
"Ok, so if you already know who she is" Cheerilee said, finding everything very amusing "What exactly are you trying to find out?"
"You need to find out what she is" Applebloom answered "What is she running for? What did she do? Is she innocent? Was she framed? If so, by whom? And why? Those are questions that need to be answered!"
Cheerilee covered her mouth with her hoof and giggled "Well, well, well, you girls seem to be taking this very seriously"
"Thanks!" the three smiled
"But where do we find the answers?" Applebloom asked
"Well, have you tried asking your suspect?" Cheerilee said "You know, straight from the source?"
"What?! No!" Scootaloo says
"We can't do that!" Sweetie Belle adds "She'd kill us if she knows we know!"
"We don't know that!" Applebloom reprimanded Sweetie Belle "We don't know anything really, but it may not be a good idea to talk to her… at least not until we know what we are gettin' ourselves in…"
"Well, that's very sensible, girls…" Cheerilee began to get worried. This is starting to sound serious "…don't think you should take this to a responsible adult?"
"We're talking to you, aren't we?" Scootaloo pointed out
"We tried to talkin' to Twilight but she's a little wacko right now" Applebloom said
"Well, we could talk to the Cakes" Sweetie Belle suggested "They already know about Spruce and may know something that we don't"
"Hey, that's a great idea, Sweetie Belle!" Applebloom compliments her friend who glows with pride
"The Cakes? You mean the owners of Sugar Cube Corner?" Cheerilee said "They know about 'Spruce'?"
"Yeah, Applebloom said that Pinkie confessed everything to them" Sweetie Belle said
"SWEETIE BELLE!" Applebloom and Scootaloo yelled
"Oops" Sweetie Belle apologized
"Wait, Pinkie?" Cheerilee asked "Pinkie Pie is your suspect?"
"Uh… yeah" Applebloom admits "Please, Ms. Cheerilee, don't tell anypony! We don't want this to get out of hoof!"
Cheerilee bursts in laughter for the fillies' surprise. Pinkie Pie?! Now she's sure this isn't serious! Pinkie Pie, a criminal? Ha! These girls and their little games…
"Yes, yes, I promise I won't tell anypony…" Cheerilee dries her tears of laughter "So you already know what to do now, yes?"
"Yes, thank ya, Ms. Cheerilee" Applebloom says as she and her friends begin to leave Cheerilee's house
"And do you know what you're going to do afterwards?" Cheerilee asks
The fillies stop in their tracks and look at each other "Gee, we're really lost in this thing, aren't we?" Sweetie Belle says
"So…" Applebloom says, turning back to Cheerilee "Do ya know what we should do afterwards?"
"Well, I have some ideas…" all those detective novels Cheerilee read are about to pay off
"Great!" Applebloom says "Scootaloo, take note!"
"Who do you think I am? Spike?" Scootaloo said "And where am I supposed to take notes? We don't have… OUCH!"
Sweetie Belle had just yanked off one of Scootaloo's feathers "Got a pen! Now we just need a piece of paper!"
"Fuck you!" Scootaloo yelled
Applebloom hits her forehead "We're so stupid! How do we expect to become reporters if we don't even have the necessary materials to do our reportin'?"
"Easy, girls, easy. Don't worry, I have a notebook to spare" Cheerilee said, taking a notebook from a drawer and giving it to the Crusaders.
"Thanks, Ms. Cheerilee" Applebloom said, handing (hoofing?) the notebook to Sweetie Belle "Okay, Sweetie Belle, take note! First: Go to Sugar Cube Corner and talk to the Cakes. Second: Buy lots of paper and pens"
"And fedoras!" Scootaloo adds "Don't forget the fedoras!"
"Ok, ok" Sweetie Belle said, taking note
Cheerilee chuckled "Ok, girls, are you ready?"
"Yeah, shoot!" Applebloom replied
"Well, after you question the Cakes, you'll need to collect the information and reevaluate your suspects based on said information"
"Right, mm-huh, I see…" Applebloom feigned fascinated comprehension
"With your suspect information updated, you'll need to do some stakeouts"
"Stakeouts?"
"You know, surveillance" Cheerilee says "Follow your suspects around, take some pictures…"
"Oh, right, of course" Applebloom says "Anything else?"
"Well, if you girls succeed on your stakeout, you should have enough leads to follow" Cheerilee said "Afterwards, I believe you are all clever enough to conclude this little investigation on your own" she winks at them to which Applebloom smiles and nods
"Did ya get it all, Sweetie Belle?" Applebloom asked
"…paper and pens" Sweetie Belle said, still writing
"For Celestia's sake! Gimme that, you slowpoke!" Scootaloo said, taking the notebook and the pen out of Sweetie Belle's hooves
Sweetie Belle frowns at Scootaloo who proceeds to write down everything Cheerilee said to the best of her memory.
After she finishes writing, Scootaloo gives a small nod to Applebloom.
"Kay, I guess we got it" Applebloom turns to Cheerilee "Thanks for helpin' us out, Ms. Cheerilee"
"Anytime, girls" Cheerilee smiled "Have fun!"
"Fun? Nopony have time for that!" Scootaloo said "We're in a super-mega-hyper-serious mission!"
"Of course" Cheerilee chuckled "Bye, girls. Good luck!"
"Bye, Ms. Cheerilee" the three said
"Oh, wait! I forgot!" Applebloom turns "There's something else I want to ask ya!"
"Yes?" Cheerilee smiles
"What's sex?" Applebloom asks
Cheerilee's smile fades "I'm sorry, what?"
"What's sex, Ms. Cheerilee?"
Cheerilee stays silent, an inner battle happening in her mind.
Oh, dear, that dreaded question… What to do?
Answer it!
No! Don't do it!
How can you refuse to give solicited knowledge? You're a teacher, darn it!
This is different! They're young and this subject is touchy!
Young? There's no such thing as being too young to be informed about the facts of life! They're gonna learn about this in your class in a couple of years anyway! So, you're giving a lesson a little earlier than predicted, what's the big deal?
This kind of thing can upset ponies! You need consent from their parents before giving this lesson!
Does Scootaloo even have parents?
No, seriously. Their families may get angry if you talk about sex to their children without consulting them.
She knows the word. 'Sex'. She heard it somewhere. Odds are that she already asked a member of her family about it.
And considering that she's asking ME, they didn't answer her. More reason for me not to answer it. It's obvious that her family doesn't think she's ready to know it.
Doesn't matter! This is your duty as an educator! This filly trusts in you to teach her! If you fail her now, she'll lose faith in you. She may struggle to accept any of your lessons later on! You need to do it! Be tactful, comprehensive, and informative. DO IT!
"Well… sex… is…" Cheerilee begins to say
"Yes?" Applebloom says
Cheerilee pauses and grabs something out of her drawer "Here are some coins. Why don't you three go to Sugar Cube Corner and buy yourselves something tasty?" she gives them the coins with a nervous smile and closes the door on their faces
"Weird…" Applebloom mumbles
"What's sex?" Scootaloo asks Applebloom
"Is it something you can eat?" Sweetie Belle asks
"I dunno. It is something that Applejack was havin' last night" Applebloom answers "I asked Big Mac about it, but he did the exact same thing that Ms. Cheerilee just did right now"
"What? Gave you money?" Scootaloo asks
"Yeah, and told me to buy something tasty on Sugar Cube Corner…" Applebloom replies
"Really?" Sweetie Belle says "Maybe it is something you can eat!"
"Wait, wait! Go back a minute" Scootaloo says "You ask ponies about sex and they give you money? Just like that?"
"It seems so…" Applebloom says
"Awesome!" Scootaloo says "Let's go find some ponies and ask them about sex so they give us more money!"
"What?! No! We can't lose track of our mission!" Applebloom said "We need to talk to the Cakes at Sugar Cube Corner about Spruce, like Ms. Cheerilee said"
"Oh, oh!" Sweetie Belle waved her hoof "Maybe they have sex! And that's why everypony is sending you there! To buy some! We should ask them for a slice of sex when we get there! I wonder if sex is tasty…"
"Sweetie Belle! Focus!" Applebloom says
"And even if they don't have any sex, we should ask them anyway!" Scootaloo says "Maybe they'll give us money!"
"Seriously?" Applebloom said "Girls, we don't have time for this! We're in the middle of a very important investigation! Did y'all forget what's in stake here?"
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo exchange glances "Uh… what is in stake here?" Sweetie Belle asks
"Yeah, what?" Scootaloo asks
"What?! Well, it's… uh… Pinkie… and… I… ya see… it's very fuckin' important, okay? There's a lot in stake here! A LOT! And let's never forget that!"
They just stare blankly at her
Applebloom sighs "Sorry, girls… Fine, we can ask them if we can have some sex, but only after we asked them about Spruce, okay?"
"Okay!"
"Deal!"
"Let's go then!"
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, YAY!"
Ding!
The Sugar Cube Corner's doorbell rings, signaling the arrival of three fillies in the establishment.
"Oh, hi there, girls. I'm sorry, but we're closed" Mr. Cake told the Crusaders "Didn't you see the sign?"
"We just need to ask a few questions" Applebloom said
"I'm deeply sorry, girls" Mrs. Cake says "We'd love to help you, but we're in a hurry to go to the hospital. You see, we just received wonderful unexpected news…"
"Oh, right" Applebloom said under her breath "The baby, I forgot…"
Sweetie Belle heard it "You're gonna have a baby?" she asks Mrs. Cake
"Yes! How did you know?" Mrs. Cake says
"She's pregnant?" Scootaloo whispers to Applebloom "Why didn't you tell us?"
"I forgot, okay?" Applebloom whispered back "It kinda skipped my mind when I found out that Pinkie was a fugitive"
"Is it a boy or a girl?" Sweetie Belle asks Mrs. Cake, completely ignoring her whispering friends
"Well, that's what we intend to find out at the hospital" Mr. Cake says "Now, if you excuse us…"
"Oh, I hope it's a girl!" Sweetie Belle says "It would be so nice to have another girl in our gang! We could crusade for Cutie Marks together! Oh, if she turns out to be a unicorn, maybe we can also learn magic together! That would be so fun!"
"Well, I hope she's a Pegasus" Scootaloo said "Then we could learn to fly together! Or I could teach her! Or Rainbow Dash could teach us both! Oh, I'm so gonna turn her into a Dash fan!"
"Girls, please, a unicorn? A Pegasus? Do ya even listen to what yer sayin'?" Applebloom says "Mr. & Mrs. Cake are both Earth Ponies! She won't give birth to a unicorn or a Pegasus! The baby will be an Earth Pony. Like me" Applebloom gives a proud smile
"Well… We'll tell you what the baby will be as soon as we find out ourselves, okay?" Mr. Cake says "Now, if you excuse us… Come on, honey…"
"No, wait!" Applebloom said "We need to ask ya a few questions!"
"Girls, look" Mrs. Cake says "I'm sorry but we don't have time for this…"
"It's about Spruce"
The Cakes pause, confused, before realization begins to creep in…
"Oh, my…" Mrs. Cake sighs "So, you've heard about her…"
"Yeah, I was outside the store and couldn't help but listen…" Applebloom makes an apologizing face
"Oh, dear…" Mrs. Cake says "How much did you heard?"
"Everything from Pinkie admittin' to bein' a fugitive to her rushin' out of here to meet Rainbow Dash" Applebloom answers "We've been wonderin' if ya could help us clarify some stuff…"
"Clarify?" Mrs. Cake asks
"Stuff?" Mr. Cake asks
"We just need to ask some questions" Scootaloo took a professional tone "Don't worry, we won't take much of your time, ma'am"
Mr. & Mrs. Cake glance confused at each other.
"We're doin' an investigation" Applebloom answered their silent question
"Investigation?" Mrs. Cake says "Oh, girls, we would love to play detective with you but…"
"Reporters" Scootaloo corrected, annoyed "and this is not a game"
"We just want to know what's goin' on" Applebloom said "Just answer a few questions. We won't take long. Promise!"
"I… oh, alright" Mrs. Cake gave in "Ask away"
"Alright! So, first question… uh… You… uh… Give us a minute, would ya?" Applebloom smiles nervously, and forms a circle with her friends to decide what questions they should ask them.
"Girls?" Mrs. Cake asks "Girls, look, we don't have time for…"
"Just a minute!" Applebloom raises her hoof. A half-minute later, she finishes the discussion with her friends and turns back to the Cakes "Okay, first question: How long have ya known Pinkie Pie?"
"I would say… about six years?" Mrs. Cake answers
"In those six years" Applebloom continues her interrogation "did she ever act strange?"
"Uh… yes" Mr. Cake says "Like… every day"
"Carrot…" Mrs. Cake says in a reprimanding tone, but barely containing a chuckle
"Right…" Applebloom says "Okay, let me reword that… have she ever done anything that made you suspicious she could be a criminal?"
"Not really…" Mrs. Cake says "She never seemed like the kind that would do anything wrong"
"I understand" Applebloom scratches her chin "Do ya think she may have been framed or do ya really think she's guilty of something?"
"Framed?" Mrs. Cake says "Oh, my! I don't know which of these options would be worse… Why would anypony frame her?"
"Have Pinkie ever made you cupcakes that tasted weird?" Scootaloo interrupts them
"What?" Mrs. Cake asks, confused by the seemingly non sequitur question "Tasted weird?"
"Well, sometimes she misplaces the ingredients, and… well…" Mr. Cake gives a small chuckle "The result can be pretty disastrous"
"Do you think one of those 'misplaced ingredients' could actually be…" Scootaloo then takes a very somber tone "…ponies?"
"What?!" the Cakes say in unison
"Scootaloo!" Applebloom yells
"Have you noticed any neighbors or customers mysteriously disappearing during all those years after you employed her?"
"SCOOTALOO!" Applebloom shouts "Just… just drop the Cupcakes Theory, would ya?"
"No way!" Scootaloo protested "We shouldn't discard any theories so soon! Why are you so eager to dismiss it? Wait… You're in cahoots with her, aren't you?"
"What?!" Applebloom says "What are ya talkin' about?"
"Where were you last Tuesday night? How long have you two been doing this?" Scootaloo keeps pressing Applebloom for answers "How many victims have you two made? Why isn't Diamond Tiara one of them?"
"What the hay?!"
"Are you trying to get the Cannibal Cupcakes business all for yourself? Is that why you told us about Pinkie's convenient confession? So we would get rid of your competition for you? Huh? Huh?"
"I'm not in cahoots with anypony!" Applebloom shouted "I'm eager to dismiss the Cupcakes thing because the Cupcakes thing is stupid and ridiculous! Ya came up with that story as a joke, for Celestia's sake!"
The Cakes just stare confused at the trio "Cannibal… cupcakes?" they ask
"Don't mind Scootaloo" Applebloom said "She just made up all that Cupcakes nonsense to scare Sweetie Belle and now she's sticking to it like a stubborn mule for some reason…"
"Hey!" Scootaloo said
"Girls, I'm sorry, but we really need to go now" Mrs. Cake says "Come on, Carrot"
"But we still have more questions" Applebloom protested
"I think it's clear that you girls know just as much as we do" Mrs. Cake says "By the way, we would like if you don't spread the news about Pinkie being a fugitive. We don't want her to be ostracized"
"Don't worry, ma'am" Scootaloo said "We won't publish anything until we get all the facts. Journalism ethics"
Mrs. Cake gives a healthy laugh at Scootaloo's faux austerity "Thanks, sweetheart, we appreciate it"
"Let's go, honey" Mr. Cake says
"Oh, wait!" Sweetie Belle suddenly says "We have to ask them about the thing!"
"What thing? Oh, yeah, that's right!" Applebloom says "Mrs. Cake, wait up! We need to ask ya one last thing!"
"Girls, please…" Mrs. Cake pleads
"We just want to buy some sex!"
Mr. & Mrs. Cake both stare at the fillies "Wh… what?"
"We were wonderin' if ya had some sex to sell us" Applebloom says
"Does sex taste good or does it taste really good?" Sweetie Belle licks her lips in anticipation
The Cakes keep staring, speechless "I… I… We don't sell sex! Where did you girls heard that?!"
Applebloom takes a deep breath and then says "Well, yesterday Applejack didn't come home and we got worried so this morning Big Mac and I went lookin' for her and found her at the library and Rainbow Dash said that she was there all along and Big Mac asked her what she was doing all night and Rainbow Dash answered that Applejack was havin' sex and then I asked Big Mac what was that and he gave money and told me to spend it here and so I came here but before I could enter I heard Pinkie confessin' to being a fugitive named Spruce and I kinda forgot about the whole sex thing and went to talk with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo about Spruce and we started guessin' what she could be guilty of and Scootaloo came up with that stupid Cupcakes thing and then Pinkie approached us and we got scared and ran to hide on our clubhouse until we decided that we shouldn't hide but investigate but we don't know how to investigate so we decided to ask Twilight for help but she wasn't at the library but Spike said she was at the hospital so went to the hospital and found out that Twilight was crazy so we decided to ask Ms. Cheerilee instead and she told us to come here and ask ya some questions and then I remembered the whole sex thing and how Big Mac hadn't actually answered my question and so I asked her about sex and she just gave more money and told me to come here and buy something tasty and so me and the girls concluded that since she and my big brother both gave me money and told me to come here then it must mean that sex is some kind of candy that y'all sell and so we came here and asked the questions we had to ask and then Sweetie Belle reminded me to ask ya to buy some sex and then I asked ya to sell us some sex and then ya said that ya don't sell sex and asked where we heard it and so I told ya the whole story and that's where we are right now"
Mr. Cake looks bemused. Mrs. Cake looks amused "Oh, sweeties… They just sent you here instead of explaining it to you, didn't they? You see, sex is not something that you can buy…"
"Actually…" Mr. Cake begins to say and then sees his wife glaring at him "…never mind"
"Then what is it?" Applebloom asks
"Yeah, what is it?" Sweetie Belle says
"Sex is… love" Mrs. Cake answers
"Love?!" the Crusaders ask in choir, glancing confused at each other
"A very special kind of love" Mrs. Cake continue "Something that only ponies that truly love each other can have and it's definitely not something for fillies as young as yourselves"
"Then why everypony was giving us money and telling us to come here?" Scootaloo asks
"Isn't it obvious?" Sweetie Belle says "Cakes are sex!"
"What?!" Applebloom and Scootaloo say at the same time
"Sex is a special kind of love!" Sweetie Belle continues "And nothing says love like delicious, delicious cakes!"
"Yeah, sure, let's go with that" Mr. Cake says "We really need to go now, girls, so please…"
"Oh, right. We've been keepin' ya long enough" Applebloom says "Goodbye, good luck, thanks for ya patience, and congratulations for ya baby"
"Thanks, girls" Mrs. Cake laughed and went with her husband towards the hospital
"Well, that certainly was a waste of time" Scootaloo said after the Cakes had left
"What? No, it wasn't" Applebloom says
"Oh, yeah?" Scootaloo replied "What exactly did we learn here?"
"Uh… Sweetie Belle, read it back to me"
"Read what back?"
"The notes" Applebloom replies "Of the questionin' we just made"
"Wait… I was supposed to be taking notes of that?" Sweetie Belle asks
Applebloom and Scootaloo both facehoof
"Oh, C'mon! That's not fair!" Sweetie Belle said "I don't read minds, you know"
"Doesn't matter" Applebloom says "We did learn something: The Cakes don't believe that Spruce is guilty. Considerin' that she lives under their roof and they see each other every day, I think it's safe to assume they're right and Spruce was framed"
"Yeah, or maybe they're protecting her!" Scootaloo suggested, suspicious "What if they are part of the Cupcakes Conspiracy?"
"Scootaloo, I swear to Celestia, if ya bring up the Cupcakes one more time, I'll kick ya out of this investigation!"
"There's another thing we learned!" Sweetie Belle chimes in "A new word: SEX!"
"Yeah, 'A more special kind of love'" Applebloom laughs "We keep learnin' new words this week. First, 'fuck'. Now, 'sex'"
"Except that we kinda don't know what 'fuck' means yet…" Scootaloo says "Hey! What if 'fuck' means the same thing as 'sex'?"
"Pfft! Don't be ridiculous!" Applebloom replies
"I like sex more than love!" Sweetie Belle exclaims "It has a cooler sound!"
"Fuck yeah, it does!" Scootaloo agrees "Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
"Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxx" Sweetie Belle repeats
"Sexxxxxxxxxxxx" Scootaloo says again
"Se—"
"Girls! Focus!" Applebloom yells "We aren't done yet! We still have more investigatin' to do! Sweetie Belle, what's the next item on Ms. Cheerilee's list?"
"Hold on…" Sweetie Belle says, reading over the parchment "…I'm trying to decipher Scootaloo's mouthwriting…"
"Shut up! My mouthwriting is fine" Scootaloo said "I know what we need to do next. We need to get fedoras so ponies will know we're reporters and not detectives"
"Is that really a priority?" Applebloom asks
"Do you wanna ponies to keep mistaking us for detectives?" Scootaloo asks
"I don't really care…"
"Because they will unless we have fedoras with 'PRESS' written on the side!" Scootaloo interrupts Applebloom "Besides I'm pretty sure it was the next thing on the list anyway"
"She's right! It is the next thing on the list!" Sweetie Belle, who has just deciphered Scootaloo's 'calligraphy', exclaimed "We should go see Rarity! I bet she has some cool hats for us to use!"
"Fine" Applebloom sighs "If it's so important for y'all, let's go see Rarity"
"YAY!" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle cheered, before following Applebloom towards Rarity's
As they enter the store, they hear Rarity and Applejack chatting
"…I think it may look a little better if we add a star riiiight… here" they hear Applejack say
"Fabulous idea!" Rarity replies "Oh, my! How come Stark never said you were such a terrific designer?"
"Probably because he doesn't know" Applejack laughs "My drawing skills aren't exactly my most famous attribute, even though I'm very proud of them"
"As you should!" Rarity says "Your details are magnificent! You should inv… Oh, hi girls! Didn't see you come in"
"Hi, Rarity" Applebloom says "Hello, big sister!"
"Uh… Hello there… uh… little sister" Applejack says, uneasy
"So…" Applebloom says with a teasing tone "Got tired of havin' sex with your special somepony?" she winks at her sister
Both Applejack's and Rarity's eyes widen with surprise.
"Oh, God…" Applejack sighs, blushing "Listen, uh… sister… about last night… Tony… I mean, Rainbow Dash was just kidding. I wasn't having sex, I mean…"
"Oh, Applejack, ya don't need to lie to me" Applebloom dismissed her sister's explanation "If yer not ready to introduce ya boyfriend to us yet, it's okay. We respect ya boundaries"
"Boyfriend?!" Applejack said flabbergasted
"Wait, do you girls even know what sex is?" Rarity raised an eyebrow
"Yeah!" Sweetie Belle answered, smiling "Mrs. Cake explained everything to us!"
"She did WHAT?!" Rarity roared, enraged "She had no right to talk about this stuff to my little sister!"
"Huh? Why? What's the big deal?" Sweetie Belle was confused
"Uh… what exactly did she tell you girls?" Applejack asks
"That sex is a special kind of love that only ponies that truly love each other can have" Applebloom answered "Why?"
Applejack and Rarity look at each other before they both begin to laugh.
"Huh? What's so funny?" Scootaloo asks
"Nothing, darling, nothing" Rarity dries her tears and gives a sigh of relief "So, anyway, was there anything else you girls came here for?"
"Oh, right!" Sweetie Belle says "We were wondering if you have some fedoras that we could borrow"
"Fedoras?" Rarity asks
"Yeah, we're reporters in the middle of an investigation and we want to look the part" Scootaloo says
Rarity chuckles "Oh, we're doing another Cutie Mark Crusade, aren't we? Well, girls, you know I usually work with more… elegant forms of chapeaus, not to mention that fedoras are mostly used by stallions and I don't work with male articles of clothing. But who knows, I may have one or two from when they were back in vogue"
"Kay, thanks, Rarity!" Sweetie Belle says "Let's go, girls, I think I know where we can find it!"
"You girls don't make a mess up there!" Rarity warned them and then turned back to Applejack "Here, Steve, dear, you should go try it on and see if it suits you before we make the modifications you suggested"
"Hey, Applebloom" Scootaloo said as they climbed up the stairs "Didn't your sister's voice sound a little different to you? Like she changed her accent?"
"Now that ya mention it, yeah" Applebloom replied
"And did Rarity called her 'steed' just now?" Scootaloo continues
"Grown ups" Applebloom shrugged "Who gets them?"
"And don't you find any of that suspicious?" Scootaloo raises an eyebrow "What if they're both part of the…"
"Scootaloo! I'm warning ya!" Applebloom snaps at her friend "If ya even think about cupcakes, I…"
"Over here, girls!" Sweetie Belle yelled from a room up ahead
The two fillies raced to the room Belle's voice was coming from, and find her inside a chest, throwing a bunch of hats, dresses, cloths, and feather boas out.
"Uh… Sweetie Belle?" Applebloom says
Sweetie Belle's head pops up from inside the chest wearing a fashionable wide-brimmed derby hat "Good news, girls! I've found two fedoras! Well, technically, one of them is a trilby because it has a short brim…"
"And the one yer wearin' now?" Applebloom asks
"It's glamorous, isn't it?" Sweetie Belle says, touching her mane, trying to imitate her sister's speech and mannerisms
"You're not gonna be wearing that one in our investigation, are you?" Scootaloo asks
"Why not?" Sweetie Belle asks "You're just jealous of my fabulousity"
"That's not a word" Scootaloo says
"Maybe it is. How would you know?" Sweetie Belle replies "You didn't even know what 'sex' was…"
"Neither did you!" Scootaloo yells
"Scootaloo has a point, Sweetie Belle" Applebloom says "That hat is a little… very big and not very professional looking…"
"So what? It accentuates my elegance and sophistication" Sweetie Belle strikes a pose, leaning on the edge of the chest… causing it to tip over, throwing its contents (including Sweetie Belle) all over the floor "Aw…" Sweetie Belle groans, lifting herself from a pile of cloths as Applebloom and Scootaloo glance unimpressed at each other.
"Anyways" Sweetie Belle continues, retrieving her hat from the floor and putting it back on her head "These two are the only 'reporter-like' hats I could find" she throws the fedora and the trilby at her two friends "Since there's no fedoras for me and I still need a hat, might as well pick the prettiest one"
Applebloom rolls her eyes and sighs "Fine. We got our stupid hats. Now, what's the next thing on the list?"
"Let me see…" Sweetie Belle reads the piece of paper "Wait! Girls! I made a mistake! The fedoras weren't the next thing on the list! I've skipped the 'Buy lots of papers and pens' thing!"
"No problem" Applebloom says "I'm sure we can buy plenty with all the money Ms. Cheerilee and Big Macintosh gave me"
"Why waste money?" Scootaloo said, and grabbed a big roll of fabric off from the shelves "We have all the 'paper' we need right here!"
"Good idea!" Sweetie Belle said "Rarity has some markers on her drawers that we could use as pens!"
"Ya sure we can just take it like that?" Applebloom asks
"Sure! Rarity has plenty of those" Sweetie Belle replied "We'll just take one. She won't even notice it"
"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure she will notice if we just waltz out of here carrying it on our backs" Scootaloo pointed out
"Scootaloo has a point: How we will carry that thing?" Applebloom asks "With that big roll, the pens, the list, the bags of coins… our hooves are gettin' a little full here"
"We could use some of these bags…" Sweetie Belle pulls a bag that was hanging from a mannequin… which causes the mannequin to tip over, knocking the mannequin on its side which knocks another mannequin on its side and so forth, making them all fall like domino pieces until they all collide against a big shelf of fabric which crashes soundly on the floor, spreading its contents all over the place "Oops…" Sweetie Belle says
"Sweetie Belle?" Rarity's voice comes from downstairs "What was that noise?"
"Nothing, dear sister" Sweetie Belle yells back
"Oh-oh… We're in trouble now…" Scootaloo said
"Nah!" Sweetie Belle dismissed her as she put all their materials on the bag "This room is usually a mess anyways. She won't even notice"
The three friends then proceed to each take a small piece of fabric, write 'PRESS' on it, and stick it on the side of their hats.
"There!" Scootaloo says "Now everypony will know we're reporters!"
"Okay, now what's the next thing we should do?" Applebloom asks Sweetie Belle
"Hmm… 'Reevaluate our suspects based on the new information we gathered'" Sweetie Belle reads
"We didn't get any new information and we don't have any new suspects" Scootaloo says
"Okay then, maybe we'll come back to that later" Applebloom says "What's next?"
"Stakeouts" Sweetie Belle replies
"What do we do on a stakeout?" Scootaloo asks
"Hmm… I dunno… observe, follow, take pictures…" Applebloom says
"Take pictures? We don't have a camera" Scootaloo says
"Well, I guess we could…"
"Featherweight has a camera" Sweetie Belle says "We could ask to borrow his"
"Oh, yeah! That's right!" Scootaloo says
"Who's Featherweight?" Applebloom asks
"You don't know?" Scootaloo replies "He's this boy in our class with a big head"
"He doesn't have a big head" Sweetie Belle says "He's just small bodied"
"Anyways, he has a camera that he uses all the time" Scootaloo continues "So much, in fact, that I'm willing to bet that when he gets his Cutie Mark it will probably be photo-related…"
"Wait!" Applebloom says "He doesn't have a Cutie Mark?!"
"Uh, yeah. Why?" Scootaloo asks
"Why didn't you tell me?" Applebloom says "We could have asked him to join the Crusaders! Why didn't ya offer him to join us?"
"I thought we had a 'No Boys' policy" Scootaloo said
"We have policies?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Why wouldn't we accept boys?" Applebloom says "That would go against the reason we formed the Crusaders in the first place"
"To get Cutie Marks?" Scootaloo raises an eyebrow
"No. To prevent ponies from being looked down for bein' different!" Applebloom says
"Hmm… Nah, I'm pretty sure it was to get Cutie Marks" Scootaloo replies
"Whatever!" Applebloom shouts "We need to borrow his camera for the stakeout and we might as well ask him to join us! Now, let's go!"
The three fillies left the room and climbed down the stairs. Suddenly, somepony shouts.
"I'm not a donkey!"
The Crusaders turn to see Rarity staring enraged at a smirking Rainbow Dash
"Careful, Rarity" Rainbow Dash says "Getting so offended for being called a donkey, some ponies may think you're racist"
"Tony!" Applejack says, indignant… for some reason…
"Why, I ought to…" Rarity stops what she's saying when she sees the Crusaders staring at them "Oh, hi, girls. I see you three found what you were looking for" she then looks at Sweetie Belle "Well, most of you"
"Rainbow Dash! Hi!" Scootaloo greets, excited
"Hey, kid" Rainbow Dash replies uninterested, barely looking at Scootaloo
"Can't talk now. We're kinda in a hurry" Scootaloo said, not even registering the apathy in which Rainbow Dash answered her "We're in the middle of a very important investigation" she whispered the last part
"Sure you are" Rainbow Dash couldn't care less
"Oh, no, you're not taking that hat out of here" Rarity said, referring to Sweetie Belle's derby hat
"But…" Sweetie Belle protests
"No buts" Rarity says "You're going to dirty it and I won't allow you to ruin this beautiful hat"
"I promise I will take good care of it" Sweetie Belle says
"Mm-huh" Rarity says with a raised eyebrow, unconvinced
"Pleeeeease!" Sweetie Belle makes a pleading face with huge, teary eyes and pouty lips
"Don't make that face to me" Rarity says "It won't work"
Sweetie Belle continues to make that face
"Sweetie Belle…"
Sweetie Belle's puppy face remains unchanged
Rarity puts her face on her hoof and sighs, frustrated "You can keep the hat…"
"Yay!" Sweetie Belle smiles "Thanks, dear sister" Rainbow Dash smirks.
"Well, I'll be going now. Cap" Rainbow Dash nods towards Applejack before turning to Rarity "Cruella De Vil" she says to her and then turns to the Crusaders "Bubbles" she says to Sweetie Belle "Blossom" she says to Applebloom "Buttercup" she says to Scootaloo "See y'all later" Dash leaves.
"I guess we should go too" Applebloom says "Thanks for the hats, Rarity. Bye, Applejack"
"Bye… sister" Applejack gives an unsure smile
Once outside, the fillies begin to chat
"The pleading eyes… never fail" Sweetie Belle says, proud with herself
"Okay, so now we need to locate Featherweight" Applebloom says "Any idea where we can find him?"
"Probably at the schoolyard" Scootaloo says "He works for the school paper"
"Hmm… maybe we should work for the school paper too" Applebloom ponders
"Did any of you girls think that Rainbow Dash was acting strange?" Sweetie Belle asks
"Kinda" Applebloom says
"Nope" Scootaloo says
"Really?" Sweetie Belle asks Scootaloo "You didn't think it was weird how she seemed to anger Rarity, how she treated you coldly, or how she called everypony weird names like 'Koala The Ville' and the like?"
"Well, that's… that… that's just stuff that cool ponies do" Scootaloo replied "You don't get it because you're not cool"
Sweetie Belle frowns. Applebloom raises an eyebrow "Really? So her strange behavior is not suspicious to ya? Yer not gonna say she's part of the Cupcakes Conspiracy too?"
"You're the one who told me not to mention it again" Scootaloo replied "And let's be real, there's no way that Rainbow Dash would, in any shape and form, be a part of the Cupcakes—"
"SWEETIE BELLE!" Rarity's scream is heard coming from the second floor of her house
"Busted!" Sweetie Belle says "She noticed the mess! We need to run!" and so the Crusaders absconded, almost crashing into Fluttershy, who looks at them running, a curious expression on her face.
Later, on the park near the school, a little Pegasus named Featherweight was taking pictures of butterflies for the school paper. Actually, no. He just likes taking pictures of butterflies.
"Excuse me, Featherweight?" Featherweight turns to see three fillies, two of them wearing fedoras and the other wearing a really big summer hat.
"Yes?" he asks
"Hi, I don't think we've met" Applebloom continues "I'm Applebloom. This is Sweetie Belle and Sc…"
"Scootaloo. Yeah, I know who you are. The girls on my class who are always causing trouble" featherweight interrupted them "What do you want?"
"Uh, rude" Applebloom said, slightly annoyed "We were just wonderin' if we could borrow ya camera for a little while"
"My camera? Why?"
"Well…" Applebloom begins to say
"It's for an assignment!" Sweetie Belle suddenly shouts
Featherweight raises an eyebrow, curious "An assignment? You mean like a scoop?"
"Uh… YES! We're journalists, see?" Applebloom turns her hat around, showing the 'PRESS' written on it "Like ya"
Featherweight looks suspicious "I don't remember you girls on the editorial meetings…"
"Oh, that's because we're freelancers" Scootaloo said "We don't work for the school paper exclusively"
Featherweight frowns "You know what I think? I think that you don't work for any paper, exclusively or not, and this is just one of your so-called crusades that always end in trouble, which means you'll probably break my camera. So, no, thank you, but my camera stays with me" he then turns back to his butterflies
Applebloom sighs and turns around, disappointed
"What if we hire you?" Scootaloo proposes
"What?" Featherweight asks, turning his head back
"What?" Applebloom asks, turning her head back
"You won't need to trust us with the camera if you are the one taking the pictures" Scootaloo replies "So, what do you say?"
"Scootaloo, what ya doin'?" Applebloom whispered to her friend
"I'm hiring him. What do you think I'm doing?" Scootaloo replies
"Excuse us for a moment" Applebloom tells Featherweight and grabs Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle for a 'private meeting' "Ya crazy? Ya can't hire him!"
"Why not?"
"Because our investigation was supposed to be secret!" Applebloom says "And there are already too many ponies who know about Spruce thanks to Sweetie Belle's big mouth"
"Hey!" Sweetie Belle says
"And having just one more pony knowing that is bad because…?" Scootaloo asks
"Featherweight works for the school paper" Applebloom points out "If we tell him about Pinkie's secret, everypony will know about it by tomorrow afternoon. And, then, our lives, and maybe Spruce's life, could be in danger"
"Well, uh… he doesn't need to know" Scootaloo says "We won't tell him a thing. Just ask him to take some pictures and that's it. Besides, think about it… Pinkie, or Spruce or whatever, is already onto us. If we follow her she will notice. If we send somepony whom she never met before, however…"
"Hmm… that's actually a great idea" Applebloom said "Good thinkin', Scootaloo"
"So, what do you say, Featherweight?" Scootaloo said, turning back to him "Are you with us?"
"No"
The Crusaders stood silent for a moment "Uh… what do you mean 'no'?"
"I'm already hired by the school paper" Featherweight said
"Pfft! That's not even a real job!" Scootaloo said "They don't pay you. We, however, will" Scootaloo grabs one of the two bags of coins and shakes it in front of Featherweight
"You can't buy my integrity"
"Integrity?! You published a picture of Snails picking his nose last week!"
"Okay, okay, let's not get hostile here" Applebloom says parting Scootaloo and Featherweight from the intense staring contest they were having "Featherweight, please, couldn't ya just do it as a personal favor to us?"
"None of you said a single word to me during this entire year, like you weren't even aware I existed" Featherweight said "And now you're asking me a personal favor?"
"Pretty much" Sweetie Belle said "Especially considering that Applebloom really didn't know you existed until…"
"SWEETIE BELLE!" Applebloom yells then turns back to Featherweight "Look, I know that it sounds like we're takin' advantage of ya, but believe me, if ya help us, we can pay ya back in spades"
"Yeah, we're all very close to somepony who's very close to somepony who's very close to Princess Celestia" Sweetie Belle said "So, doing a favor to us is basically the same as doing a favor to her"
"I don't know…"
"Please! It's important!" Applebloom says "We're begging ya!"
"Yeah!" Sweetie Belle said "Help us, please"
Featherweight looks at Scootaloo, waiting. Scootaloo looks back, scowling.
"Scootaloo…" Applebloom whispers between clenched teeth "Beg"
Scootaloo takes a moment to swallow her pride "Please" she says with a snarl, and lowers her head, looking less like a reverence and more like she was about to pounce him.
Featherweight looks satisfied "Okay, I'm in. What do you want me to do?"
"It's simple. Do ya know Pinkie Pie?" Applebloom waited for Featherweight to nod "Well, she was last seen near the Sweet Apple Acres. We would like ya to tail her around and take some pictures of her"
"Follow Pinkie? What for?"
"That's confidential" Scootaloo said, almost spiteful
"After that, ya meet us at the clubhouse to show us ya findin's" Applebloom says
"And where the hay is that?"
"Ask 'round" Applebloom said and left with her friends, while Scootaloo blew a raspberry at Featherweight
"So... what do we do in the meantime?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Are ya girls hungry?" Applebloom replied "Let's see if Granny Smith has something for us to eat" and so they went
A few apple pies later, at the Apple's dinner room…
"Ya girls really were hungry, huh?" Granny Smith says to the three fillies, their faces covered in pie crumbs
"Yeah! We were supposed to have eaten earlier, but we got sidetracked by the whole Spruce deal" Sweetie Belle said
"Sweetie Belle!" Applebloom said, making a 'zip' motion on her lips
"What was that?" Granny Smith asked, putting her hoof near her ear
"Oh, nothing" Sweetie Belle smiled "I just wondered if I could have another slice of delicious pie"
"Another pie? But of course, Sweetie" Granny Smith said, putting another full pie on the table "So, I see ya girls are playin' reporters" Granny pointed at the 'press' hats
"Scootaloo and I are reporters" Applebloom said "I have no idea what the hay Sweetie Belle is supposed to be" Applebloom mocked Sweetie's derby hat before receiving a pie to the face
"I'm sorry, Granny Smith" Sweetie Belle said, apologetically "I seem to have misplaced my pie"
"I'm gonna misplace ya face!" Applebloom said
"Hey, Applebloom" Scootaloo said "There's something in your flank"
"What…" Applebloom looks at her flank and sees a weird shape… a weird mark! "Oh my gosh! I've got my Cutie Mark! I've got my Cutie Mark!"
"Actually, I think…" Scootaloo begins to say
"Oh my gosh, Applebloom!" Sweetie Belle said "Lemme see! Lemme see!"
"What?" Granny Smith picked her ear "Emcee? What's an emcee?"
"What is it? What is it?" Applebloom asked them "Is it a fedora? An ink pen? A magnifying glass? What?!"
"I think it's a flower! No! It's an apple! No! A banana! A Go-Kart!" Sweetie Belle kept guessing
"Folk art? What are ya three yabberin' about?" Granny Smith interrupted her "Hold on, girls, let me get my hearin' horn…"
"Girls, I don't think that's…" Scootaloo tries to chime in
"No, wait! I got it!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed "It's a buffalo!"
"A buffalo?!" Applebloom said, confused
Scootaloo facehooves. Granny Smith found her hearing horn and put it on her ear "Say again?"
"My Cutie Mark… a buffalo?" Applebloom repeats, still confused
"Who's Mark Ruffalo? And why do ya think he's cute?" Granny Smith asks, holding her hearing horn "Yer too young to have these kind of thoughts, little lady!"
"It's not a buffalo!" Scootaloo said "It's just pie dressing!"
"Pie dressing?!" Applebloom said
"Oh! That means your special talent is receiving pies in the face!" Sweetie Belle beamed "See? I helped!"
"No! I mean it's literally pie dressing!" Scootaloo cleans Applebloom's mark with her hoof "See?"
"Oh, bummer…" Applebloom sighs. Why she keeps falling for that?
"What?! Oh, wait, there's something in here…" Granny Smith blew her hearing horn, puffing a cloud of dust on Sweetie Belle's face, who coughs. Granny puts the horn back on her ear "Ah, much better"
"There you are, girls" Big Macintosh, who just arrived, said "This lil' fella here was lookin' for y'all" he motions for Featherweight to enter the room
"Finally!" Featherweight says "I was looking all over…"
"Who are ya? Are ya Mark Ruffalo?" Granny Smith asks him "What are ya intentions with my granddaughter?"
"Huh?"
"This is Featherweight, Granny" Applebloom explained "We hired him to take some pictures for us" she turns to Featherweight "So, did ya take it?"
"Yeah, here…" Featherweight says, grabbing a small pile of pictures
"Not here!" Applebloom said, pushing the pile back to him "This is secret stuff! It can only be viewed safely in the privacy of our clubhouse! By the way, ya should already have been heading that way. Why aren't ya?"
"I already told you I don't know where that is!"
"Doesn't matter. We'll go there together" Applebloom then turns to her friends "Are ya finished with the pies, girls? Let's go back to the clubhouse and get down to business!"
TO THE FILLYCAVE! (Horseshoe symbol spins into the screen while swirling tune plays)
"Welcome to our secret headquarters!" Applebloom tells Featherweight as they enter the clubhouse "What do you think?"
"It's nice, I guess… what's with all the Rainbow Dash posters and badly drawn maps of the town?"
"Badly drawn?" Sweetie Belle said, offended
"The posters are there because Rainbow Dash kicks butt! Also, the CMC headquarters double as a Rainbow Dash fan club on weekends" Scootaloo explained "As for the maps, they were the way we used to mark the places that we were more likely to get our Cutie Marks"
"We have since upgraded to a list format" Applebloom said
"Here" Scootaloo points to a list glued to the wall
CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS' CUTIE MARK CRUSADE PROPOSALS:
-Parasailing
-Lassoing
-Holding Breath Underwater
-Kung Fu Fighting
-Mud Wrestling
-Alligator Wrestling
-Choir Singing
-Making Candy
-Eating Candy
-Eating Mud
-Shoe Confection
-Kicking Diamond Tiara's Butt
-Zombie Hunting
-Brain Surgery
-Making Pizza
-Become Princesses
-Overthrow Princesses
-Spaghetti Sculpture
-Ghost Busting
-Stand-Up Comedy
-Reading
-Cutie Mark Crusading
-Miming
-Origami
-Procrastination
-Philosophy
-Writing the Greatest Equestrian Novel
-World Domination
-Making Puns
-Belching
-Cloning
-Impersonations
-Impersonate Rainbow Dash
-Stalk Rainbow Dash
-Become Rainbow Dash
-Chemistry
-Carpentry
-Building Buildings
-Find the Fountain of Youth
-Explore the World
-Travel the World
-Save the World
-Destroy the World
-Abstract Painting
-Crime Fighting
-Firefighting
-Bullfighting
-Bully Fighting
-Ice Skating
-Ice Eating
-Ice Making
-Ice Sculpting
-Juice Making
-Realty
-Theater Acting
-Theater Writing
-Writing Lists
-Dentistry
-Future Guessing
-Jazz Music
-Stock Market Analysis
-Building Bathtub Time Machines
"Bathtub Time Machines?" Featherweight asked after reading the list
"Don't ask" Applebloom said
"It's kind of a substitute to an idea we scrapped about building a time machine out of a toil—" Sweetie Belle began to explain
"We agreed to never talk about 'Project: TURDIS' ever again!" Scootaloo shouted
"Do you girls actually intend to do all of this?" Featherweight asks, skeptical
"Of course not!" Sweetie Belle said "Just until we get our Cutie Marks!"
"And ya could join us!" Applebloom said
"What?"
"Ya don't have a Cutie Mark either! We all could try to get ours together!" Applebloom says "What do ya say? Would ya like to join the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"
"Uh… no. Why would I want to be member of a girl's club?" Featherweight says "I already get enough teasing at school because of my butterfly pictures. You have any idea how much that teasing will increase if I decide to join you in your little make-believe tea-parties?"
"We don't have make-believe tea parties" Scootaloo said, annoyed
"Oh, but we totally should!" Sweetie Belle said
"Okay, first of all, this is not a girl club. Yeah, sure there are only girls now, but it isn't supposed to be just for girls" Applebloom says "And, second of all, who cares if ya like butterflies and spendin' time with girls. What? That makes ya feel less like a boy? Ya can't like stuff just because they're 'supposed to be for girls'? Pfft! Ya like what ya like! Ya do what ya do! But, hey, I guess ya don't have the guts to try somethin' new because others may think it's 'girly'. Or are ya so unsure of yaself that ya think ya will suddenly stop being a boy at any given moment just because of these 'girly interests'?"
"No! It's just that… I'm not sure I want to be a part of this. I barely even know you girls… and you're always getting in trouble…"
"Oh, c'mon! It will be fun!" Applebloom said "And all those boys who would make fun of ya for joining us? Trust me, in a few years, they all will wish they were the only boy in a girl's club" Applebloom winked
"I don't know…" Featherweight said "I don't like the idea of being a token"
Applebloom pauses. She blinks "Uh… excuse me for a minute" she turns to her friends and whispers "What the fuck is a token?"
"I can hear you" Featherweight said
"Oh" Applebloom said "Okay, then"
"A token is being, like you said, 'the only boy in a girl's club'. It means being the only representative of a particular demographic group" Featherweight said, putting his (school) journalism background to good use "It makes you feel inadequate"
"Oh, okay… uh… well, yer a Pegasus!" Applebloom said "And so is Scootaloo! Now, that I think about it, we all were tokens! I'm the only Earth Pony of our group! Sweetie Belle is the only unicorn! And Scootaloo is the only Pegasus! If ya join us, ya and Scootaloo can both be the representatives of the Pegasi race! Would that make ya feel less of a token?"
"Hmm… I don't know…"
"If you don't want to join the Crusaders, you can still join the Rainbow Dash Fan Club" Scootaloo said "That is, if you wish"
"Join us!" Sweetie Belle said "Trust me, you're gonna sex it!"
"I'm gonna what?"
"Sex it!" Sweetie Belle smiled "Sex is like love but better!"
"I… I'll think ab—Oh, what the hay! Okay, I'll join you"
"That's great!" Applebloom said "We'll have plenty of time to do your initiation later. Now, the pictures you took from Spr—Pinkie…"
"We have initiations?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Here they are" Featherweight gave them the pictures
The Crusaders went over the pictures, a confused expression on their faces "Uh… Featherweight?"
"Yes?"
"Why are all of these pictures focused on Pinkie's butt?"
"I thought that was what you wanted me to do"
"Ya thought we wanted ya to take pictures of her butt?"
"Of her Cutie Mark" Featherweight explained "You are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, after all"
"He has a point" Scootaloo said
"If you didn't want me to take pictures of her Cutie Mark…" Featherweight says "Then why did you want me to take pictures of her?"
"Well, I guess it's okay to tell ya since ya decided to join our group" Applebloom says "We suspect Pinkie is not who she says she is"
"What do you mean?"
"She's a cannibal named Spruce who kills ponies and turns them into cupcakes"
"WHAT?!"
"SCOOTALOO!" Applebloom yells "Don't listen to her, Featherweight. All we know is that Pinkie is a fugitive named Spruce. We don't know what she's guilty of or even if she's guilty of anything. She could have been framed. That's why we wanted ya to take some pictures of her. To watch her"
"And also to put on this wanted poster we created" Sweetie Belle lifted a piece of paper
Suspect:
SPRUCE "PINKIE" PIE
Is Pie Even Her Real Surname? Probably NOT!
Was She Framed?
If Not, Possible Crimes:
-International Espionage
-Jewelry Theft
-Identity Theft
-Rock Theft
-Misrepresentation
-Default
-Murder
-Ponyslaughter
-Kidnapping
-Falsehood
-Pants on Fire
-Coup d'état
-Burglary
-Tax Evasion
-Cupcakes
"We're gonna cross that last one out" Applebloom said
"No, we won't" Scootaloo said
"Wait, you're serious?" Featherweight asked
"Yeah, Applebloom heard her confess it to Mr. & Mrs. Cake" Sweetie Belle said "and the Cakes confirmed it"
"Hmm… Well, I guess that weird machinery makes a little more sense now…" Featherweight muses out loud
"Weird machinery?" the three reply at the same time
"Yeah, Pinkie was building this really big and funny looking machine in the middle of the ranch" Featherweight said "At first, I found it really weird. I mean, I didn't know Pinkie was skilled with tools, but now…"
"Well, she did build a helicopter once…" Scootaloo reminisces
"What machine?" Applebloom said "She was building a machine and ya didn't take a picture of it?"
"I think you can see part of it on this one…" Featherweight points at one of the many photographs of Pinkie's butt
"Hey!" Scootaloo pointed at a strand of Rainbow hair on the corner of the picture "That's Rainbow Dash!"
"Oh, yes, Rainbow Dash was there too" Featherweight said
"On, no!" Scootaloo whimpered "Spruce got Rainbow Dash! She's gonna turn her into a cupcake!"
"Pinkie Pie is not gonna turn Rainbow Dash into a cupcake, Scootaloo!" Applebloom said "Get that through ya thick skull!"
"Okay, okay!" Scootaloo said "Maybe she turns them into muffins…"
Applebloom looked like she was about to slap Scootaloo when Featherweight said "Nah, they were just talking. In fact, I had to leave because Rainbow Dash spotted me and called me a 'pervy voyeur'. I don't even know what that means"
"Well, what do ya think, girls?" Applebloom asks "Should we investigate it?"
"Fuck yeah!" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle replied
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, YAY!"
They look at Featherweight who just stares at them "Uh… you're supposed to join us in the salute"
"I'm not doing that!" Featherweight protested "It's stupid!"
"Failure to participate in the official Cutie Mark Crusaders salute will result in expulsion with dishonor" Applebloom said matter-of-factly
Featherweight sighed and put his hoof together with theirs.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, YAY!" the three fillies salute again
"Cutie mark crusaders, yay…" Featherweight says with not nearly the same enthusiasm
And so, Sir Featherweight and the Crusaders Three marched towards their destination: The Sweet Apple Acres, where an interesting reunion is taking place beneath a curious looking machine…
"Wow! That is a weird looking machine!" Sweetie Belle says as she and her other three companions observed the curious meeting from behind a rock uphill, a safe distance from the other group.
"Told ya" Featherweight said
"Everypony is here!" Scootaloo said "Rainbow Dash… Spike… Fluttershy… Rarity… Even Big Mac! What's he doing there?"
"What's Twilight doing there?" Applebloom asked "Wasn't she supposed to be in a padded room at the hospital?"
"Shush…" Sweetie Belle said "Something's happening…"
The fillies and the colt watch as Pinkie Pie turns on the machine. The interior of the machine glows, as six rocks levitate on its core. Suddenly, sparks fly from the control panel. Pinkie shields her eyes and tries to push some buttons. Applejack pushes her away and protects them both with some kind of metal round shield she was carrying. The machine blows. Everypony, the ones down in the ground and the little ones behind the rock uphill, all stare surprised and alarmed as the machine emits a wide array of magic beams all over the place, knocking some of them over. One of the beams went astray, hitting an unsuspecting Pegasus who was just flying by, a few miles from there. Not that anypony present would notice that…
"What the…?" Featherweight said
"What the hay?" Sweetie Belle said
"What the heck?" Applebloom said
"What the fuck?" Scootaloo said
"What happened?!" Featherweight asks
"Girls, I think we should get out of here…" Sweetie Belle says
"No!" Applebloom says "We need to stay and observe! It's our duty as reporters! We need to honor our reporter hats!" she turns to Sweetie Belle "Or that thing in ya head… Seriously, Sweetie, we're trying to be covert here! Take that ridiculous thing out of ya head!"
"Hey! Leave my fabulous hat alone!" Sweetie Belle protested "You're just jealous!"
Ignoring her two bickering friends, Scootaloo observed the small crowd downhill. Applejack, who was talking briefly to Pinkie Pie, was now checking on Rarity and Big Mac, who have been knocked out by the beams. Twilight tries to assist her. Pinkie was now talking to Rainbow Dash. Spike just seemed confused and frightened by the whole thing. Somepony was missing… From the corner of her eyes, Scootaloo catches a glimpse of somepony sneaking away…
"Hey" Scootaloo nudges Applebloom "Look"
Applebloom looks to where Scootaloo is pointing and sees Fluttershy walking away from the group trying to be unnoticed.
"Strange…" Applebloom says "We need to follow her. Featherweight, stay here and keep an eye on them. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, follow me. Let's see where Fluttershy is going"
And, so, from rock to rock, from bush to bush, the Crusaders hid, furtively following Fluttershy out of town. Until, finally, Fluttershy seems to arrive at her destination, looking around her, suspiciously, before taking her first steps into the wide, haunting gorge…
"She's going into the Ghastly Gorge!" Scootaloo said
"What she's gonna do there?" Sweetie Belle asked
"We need to follow her to find out!" Applebloom replied
"Follow her into the Ghastly Gorge?!" Scootaloo said, a chill going down her spine "Alone?!"
"Ya scared?" Applebloom asked Scootaloo
"Pfft! Of course not!" Scootaloo lied
"Good. Because I am" Applebloom said "So ya go first"
"HEY!" Scootaloo protested
"Uh… girls…" Sweetie Belle says
"What?!" Applebloom tells Scootaloo
"Girls…"
"You tricked me!" Scootaloo shouts
"Girls"
"How did I trick ya?!"
"GIRLS!"
"WHAT?!" both turn towards Sweetie Belle
"She saw us!" Sweetie Belle cries
Applebloom and Scootaloo's eyes widen as they slowly turn their heads down at Fluttershy, who's staring right at them.
Fluttershy raises an eyebrow. They scream.
"WE'VE BEEN SPOTTED! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!"
They run away, panicking, while Fluttershy smirks before returning to the Gorge. Unbeknownst to them all, a large figure watches from the clouds. The figure seems to ponder, turning its head from Fluttershy to the screaming little fillies. The figure decides to follow the Crusaders.
"Back already?" Featherweight asks them when they returned "Did you find out where Fluttershy was going?"
"Yeah… Ghastly Gorge…" Applebloom says, catching her breath
"Ghastly Gorge? What was she doing there?"
"No idea" Applebloom looks over towards the broken machine downhill and sees Spike and Pinkie chatting "Where's everypony else?"
"They disbanded" Featherweight said "They were arguing so I came closer to listen… don't worry, they didn't spot me. They contacted Princess Celestia. She's coming to town!"
The Crusaders stare at him, a bored expression on their faces
"That's huge, right?" Featherweight said
"Not really" Applebloom answered "Princess Celestia comes to Ponyville once every month ever since Twilight moved in"
"Yeah, nopony cares anymore" Scootaloo said
"So" Applebloom continues "What happened to the others?"
"Big Mac invited Twilight to eat something over at your house" Featherweight tells Applebloom "I guess she was really hungry. Rainbow Dash went to the barn to finish her 'suit'. Applejack and Rarity left together so Rarity could finish her suit. What's with everypony making suits now? Do you girls know anything about that?"
"No. This is getting' stranger and stranger" Applebloom said "Girls, I think we should split up"
"I'll check on Rainbow Dash at the barn!" Scootaloo exclaimed and rushed to the barn
"Wait! We didn't… oh, fuck… MEET US AT THE CLUBHOUSE WHEN YER DONE!" Applebloom yelled
"OKAY!" Scootaloo yelled back, halfway to the barn
"Okay, so now we have to decide who goes check on Rarity and Applejack and who checks on Twilight…"
"I can check Twilight from here" Featherweight said, zooming his camera towards the Apples' house "Yep, she's still eating. You both can go after your sisters if you want to"
"Thanks, Featherweight!" Sweetie Belle said "We appreciate that!"
Featherweight waved them goodbye as they went their way… followed by the large figure in the sky.
Just outside the barn, Scootaloo can hear Rainbow Dash singing a happy tune.
"Dashing through the sky, in a one-pony metal sleigh, over the clouds we fly, exploding everything in our way"
"Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo slowly opens the doors of the barn.
"Sparkle buries herself in books, thinking she's so bright, I'm a genius with multiple awards and good looks, are you jealous, Twilight?"
Scootaloo gets inside and sees an assortment of metal, tools and computer parts over the haystacks. Pieces of armor dangle from chains hanging from the ceiling.
"Jingle Bells, raising hell, swaggering with sass" Rainbow Dash kept singing, welding something with a blowtorch "Oh, how fun it is to shove a missile up Discord's ass"
"Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo calls again
"Jingle—what?" Dash flips her welding mask up and looks at Scootaloo "Oh, it's you, kid"
"What are you doing?" Scootaloo looked curiously at the table
"Uh… well…" Rainbow Dash looked from the table to the little filly "You see, your big sister is working on something very delicate and dangerous and you shouldn't be here"
"What?" Scootaloo stared incredulously at Dash "Did you… did you just say you're my big sister?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, you're my little sister, aren't you?" Dash smiled
Scootaloo just stared speechless.
"Oh, fuck, you're not! Shit!" Dash's smile disappeared "Look, kid, I didn't mean…" Before she can complete her sentence, Scootaloo jumped and hugged her
"This is what I always wanted!" Scootaloo cried tears of joy "This is the happiest day of my life!"
Rainbow Dash looked uncomfortable "Oh… I… Kid? Shit… Kid, you know… you know, I'm not really your sister, right?"
Scootaloo just kept hugging her "I love you" she sobs
"Oooookay… now, let me go, please?" Dash asks and Scootaloo complies "Look, kid, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but… we, I mean, I… you see…" Scootaloo stares at her, eyes still teary. Dash sighs "Alright, you can be my little sister. My honorary little sister"
"I-I'm so happy…" Scootaloo dried her tears
"Yeah, okay" Dash smiled awkwardly and rubbed her neck "But seriously, though, you shouldn't be here…"
"Are you building something?" Scootaloo looks behind her at the table
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I am"
"I didn't know you built stuff"
"Ever since I was little"
"You mean you were a nerd?!" Scootaloo said, shocked "Like Twilight?!"
"What?! No! Not like Twilight! I'm much cooler than her, wouldn't you agree?" Dash says "Besides, I'm much, much smarter than her as well"
"Really?" Scootaloo said "I knew it! I told the girls you were the smartest pony in town, but they didn't believe me!"
"Speaking of which, what happened to Larry & Curly?" Dash asked "Aren't you three always together?"
"You mean Applebloom and Sweetie Belle? They're following other leads. We're in the middle of an investigation"
"You mentioned that" Dash said, referring to when they were all at Rarity's place "What exactly are you investigating?"
"What exactly are you building?" Scootaloo retorted with a smirk
Dash raised an eyebrow. It almost looked like she just felt a little bit more of respect for the little filly.
"I'm building a suit of armor" she answered "To fight Discord"
"Discord?!" Scootaloo asked shocked "He's back?!"
"Yep" Dash says "Now, it's your turn. What are you investigating?"
"I'm not supposed to tell you that, but… Pinkie is actually a fugitive called Spruce!"
Dash covers her mouth to not laugh "Really?" she snickers
"Yeah! We still don't know what she did, but we believe she actually kills ponies and turns them into cupcakes!"
That did it. Dash bursts out laughing.
"You got it all wrong, kid" Dash said, drying her tears
"So, Pinkie's not a fugitive?" Scootaloo asked
"Oh, no. She is" Dash said "But she never turned anyone into cupcakes. She just turns into a destructive green monster when she's angry. She's also from another dimension. And she's actually a boy"
Scootaloo frowns "This is not a joke! I'm serious!"
"Okay, okay, sorry, kid" Dash said, still laughing "What do you expect to get from this investigation, anyway?"
"Long-term? A Cutie Mark"
"That thing in your butts, right?" Dash said, going back to her work "Back where I'm from, if you want a picture in your ass, you just go to a Tattoo Parlor. But you're way too young for that. You three really want a Mark, don't you?"
"More than anything!" Scootaloo said "We've tried everything! And we still have a list of many other things we can try at the clubhouse!"
"Have you three tried to kidnap Sandy Claws yet?" Dash asked
"Who?"
"Never mind, it's just a joke" Dash said "Why it's so important to you?"
"Why?! Because… because… because…" Scootaloo was lost for words "Because I just really want to know what I'm supposed to do with my life… what I was born to do…" Scootaloo's face lights up, like she finally realized why it meant so much to her.
"I can understand that…" Dash said, still focused on her work
"Well, that and the fact that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are always picking on us for not having Cutie Marks" Scootaloo frowned "Were you bullied when you were younger?"
"Nah. Bullies usually pester the smart kids but they never pestered me because I had something that the other smart kids didn't"
"What?" Scootaloo asks
"Lawyers" Dash replied "Could you pass me that wrench, Harley?"
"What did you call me?" Scootaloo asked, confused
"Uh… I think I called you 'Harley'…" Dash looked confused herself
"And why did you do that?"
"I don't know. You look like a Harley to me" Rainbow Dash said "What was your name again? Scooby-Doo?"
"It's Scootaloo" Scootaloo said, a little hurt
"Yeah, okay, that name is a little too weird to me" Dash said "Is it okay if I just call you 'kid'?"
"I guess…" Scootaloo said, a little down
"Hey! Don't be like that" Dash said "C'mon, help me out here. Maybe you'll get a Cootie Mark for 'Armor Forging' or something"
"Okay" Scootaloo smiled and went towards the table
Meanwhile, near Rarity's place…
Sweetie Belle and Applebloom are ready to enter when, suddenly, the door opens and Applejack steps out, dressed in an uniform with the colors and symbols of the Equestrian flag and carrying a helmet with the letter 'E' engraved in front.
"Oh, hi, there, girls" Applejack greets them "You need something?"
"Oh, hey" Sweetie Belle said "We were just looking for my sister… why are you dressed like that?"
"I'm sorry, but your sister is very tired" Applejack apologized "She's sleeping now and I don't think you should disturb her"
"Oh, okay then… where are you going?"
"To the City Hall" Applejack answered "I need to speak to the mayor. We have to gather everyone to prepare them for the confront against Discord"
"Discord?!" the two said at the same time
Applejack turned to them "Look, things may get ugly in the next few hours. It's not safe for kids like you to be out here. So, find shelter and stay safe. Okay, little sister?" Applejack asked Applebloom
"Uh… okay"
"Good" Applejack smiled, putting her helmet on and trotted towards the City Hall "Stay out of the streets!" she shouted one last time
"Why was she dressed like that?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Something doesn't feel right…" Applebloom said
"Darn right, it doesn't!"
"What?!" Applebloom and Sweetie Belle looked both sides, confused
"Over here!" Gilda says and lands in front of them "I'm sorry, I don't have much time. I don't know who I can trust right now, but you fillies seem to be noticing that something's fishy"
"Who are ya?" Applebloom asked "What are ya talkin' about?"
"I'm Gilda" Gilda said "And I've been following you. Well, first I've been following Fluttershy, but then I saw you girls at the Ghastly Gorge following her too. So, I thought you might share my concerns and could help me put an end to this"
"Concerns?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Put an end to this?" Applebloom asked "Put an end to what?"
"Those ponies are not who they appear to be" Gilda said, enigmatically
"Oh, so you know about Spruce?" Sweetie Belle asked
"Spruce?" Gilda seemed surprised
"Yeah, that's Pinkie's real name" Sweetie Belle said "She's a fugitive"
Gilda paused "This goes deeper than I thought…" she says to herself "Girls, I don't know how to tell this, but I think Pinkie and her friends are all impostors. And that include your sisters"
"What?!" Applebloom said, skeptical
"I already know that Rainbow Dash was replaced by somepony or… something… and Fluttershy definitely showed a new face earlier today. And now you two tell me that Pinkie's not Pinkie? No, this is much more diabolical than I imagined earlier. Everypony could be compromised…"
"What are ya babblin' about?" Applebloom insisted in her skepticism
"Dash's so-called friends replaced her!" Gilda says "I have reasons to believe that that weird machine they were building at the farm may have something to do with it. I can't investigate much further. I don't exactly have a subtle figure and I'm really not much liked around here, but you! You two are related to them! You can dig deeper! With your help, we can stop them!"
"Why should we believe ya?" Applebloom asked
"Believe what you want" Gilda says and begins to take flight "Soon you'll see the truth. I just hope it won't be too late"
"Do you think she's telling the truth?" Sweetie Belle asked after the griffon flew away "I mean, the grown ups have all been acting weird lately… even your sister"
"I don't know…" Applebloom said "But we need to meet up with the others"
Back at the barn…
"This is really fun!" Scootaloo said, welding something under Rainbow Dash's guidance
"And you're actually really good at this" Dash said "You may have a future on the metallurgy business"
Scootaloo smiled. Her smile faded when she looked at her blank flank "I'm not good enough for a Cutie Mark…"
"Kid, seriously, you need to stop being so obsessed about these marks. It's preventing you from appreciating your achievements" Dash said "So what if you didn't get a picture of a blowtorch on your buttocks? You're really good at something that you have never tried before! Isn't that enough?"
"But it's not my special talent!" Scootaloo said
"I still don't see a reason for that sad face" Dash said "I mean, think about it: If you're already this good at something that's not your 'special talent', then whatever that special talent is, kid, you're gonna be spectacular at it!"
"You really think so?"
"I'm sure of it!" Dash smirked "And I'm never wrong"
Scootaloo beamed "You're the best big sister ever!"
Rainbow Dash paused for a moment. She then dismissed the compliment "Pfft. Yeah, whatever you say, kid. Don't get too sappy with me or I'm gonna throw up"
"Oh. Oh, right… that was really uncool of me, wasn't it?" Scootaloo said, embarrassed
"You know what's uncool?" Dash said "Saying 'uncool'"
"Scootaloo, are you there?" Featherweight asked, entering the barn
"Oh, look!" Dash said "It's the paparazzi! Are you one of the Three Musketeers?"
"Uh… you mean the Crusaders?" Featherweight said "I guess… but we're actually four now…"
"And so were the Three Musketeers" Dash replied
"Featherweight!" Scootaloo said "What are you doing here?"
"Applebloom and Sweetie Belle want us to meet with them at the clubhouse" Featherweight said "It looks like it's important"
"I'm in the middle of something here" Scootaloo said
"You and D'Artagnan go ahead" Dash dismissed her "I can finish this alone. Thanks for the help, though. And remember what I said: Appreciate your little victories"
"Thanks" Scootaloo said "Bye"
"Just fuck off already!" Dash said and went back to her work while Featherweight and Scootaloo trotted towards the CMC HQ.
At the clubhouse, Applebloom walks in circles, impatient, while Sweetie Belle counts the nails on the boards to distract herself. As soon as Scootaloo and Featherweight enter the club, Applebloom turns to them "Did you learn anything?"
"Yes! I learned how to weld!" Scootaloo said
Applebloom looks confused "What?"
"Rainbow Dash was building a suit of armor! And I helped!" Scootaloo said, happily "Oh, and apparently Discord's back!"
"Yeah, Applejack told us that too" Applebloom said "Anything else?"
"Nope. She made fun of our Cupcakes theory" Applebloom frowns at the mention of the 'Cupcakes theory' "And she didn't say anything about that weird machine because… I forgot to ask her about it…" Scootaloo looks embarrassed
"She probably wouldn't answer you anyway…" Sweetie Belle said from her corner
"What do you mean?" Scootaloo says
"So… Rainbow Dash was buildin' a suit of armor, huh?" Applebloom asked her "Didn't that struck ya as weird?"
"Well, yeah, but… she told me she always built stuff when she was younger" Scootaloo said "That was just another layer of her awesomeness!"
Applebloom stares at her, gives a brief nod, and resumes her circle-walking.
"Okay, seriously, what's going on?" Scootaloo asks, annoyed
"What if I told ya that that pony ya were talkin' to in the barn wasn't Rainbow Dash?" Applebloom asked
"What?!"
"Gilda told us that Rainbow Dash was replaced by another pony" Sweetie Belle said "And that may be happening to all the other grown ups too"
"What? No! That's ridiculous! And who the fuck is Gilda anyway?"
"Is it? Is it ridiculous, Scootaloo?" Sweetie Belle said "Almost everypony have been acting weird lately! Sometimes they don't even seem to remember us! What if they're not who they say they are? What if my sister's nex—RARITY! Applejack said that she was too tired and we couldn't see her! What if she was lying and they actually got my sister and she's being replaced right now?!" she cried
"Calm down, Sweetie Belle" Applebloom said "We're all scared…"
"I'm not scared, because this is ridiculous!" Scootaloo insisted
"And your stupid cupcakes theory isn't?" Applebloom snapped at her
"I DON'T KNOW!" Scootaloo said "Maybe it is! Maybe it isn't! Maybe this is all Discord's fault! Or are we just gonna ignore the fact that he escaped? Maybe Discord is into the Cupcakes Conspiracy too!"
"FUCK'S SAKE, SCOOTALOO!" Applebloom shouted
Wow… These girls really are crazy Featherweight thought as he observed them But you know what? This is actually fun!
"But if Pinkie and Discord are working together, we're doomed!" Sweetie Belle said "I mean, one of them is a deranged reality-warping lunatic! And the other one is Discord! What we're gonna do?!"
"We don't know if they're working together!" Applebloom said "We don't even know if Discord really escaped!"
"Oh, but we all know that Rainbow Dash is an evil clone!" Scootaloo said, sarcastically
"No, we don't know that either" Applebloom said much to Scootaloo's surprise "As a matter of fact, we don't know anything! That's why I prepared Operation A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.!"Applebloom points at a paper banner that she had just fixated on the wall
OPERATION A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.
Another
"I came up with the acronym!" Sweetie Belle said, proud
"What the hay does that even mean?" Scootaloo asked
"It means, Scootaloo, that if we really want to know what's goin' on, we need to go back to everywhere we've gone before, talk to everypony we've talked to before. And if we find nothing, we'll do it all over again. And we'll keep doin' it until we find something" Applebloom said "Somepony's been lyin' to us, girls… and Featherweight. Maybe it's Gilda, maybe it's Applejack, maybe it's Rainbow Dash, or maybe it's the Cakes. Maybe everypony's been lyin' to us and the truth is still out there! Well, we'll find it! The grown ups are always lyin' to us, because they think we can't handle the truth! They think they're protectin' us by shieldin' us from the truth! But they're wrong! We're not gonna be in the dark any longer! We'll find out what's goin' on whether they like it or not! WHATEVER IT TAKES!"
Featherweight, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle stared at Applebloom, speechless.
"This is it, girls. No more kid play. This is the moment of truth. The moment to uncover the truth. The tide is risin'"
TO BE CONTINUED...
In the next episode of The Rift…
"I'm sorry to inform you, Rainbow Dash, but you have a tumor on both wings" Nurse Redheart said "We'll have to amputate"
"I've never told this to anypony before" Discord begins to say "but I was married once… to Celestia"
"SPIKE! NO! STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Rarity cries
"If I can't have you, then nopony will!" Spike shouts and shoots Rarity three times before killing himself
"Everypony thinks of us as just a humble family of farmers, but nopony knows our secret" Applejack narrates "Until now. This is our story. The Apples: Vampire Hunters"
"Hi, my name is Fluttershy" Fluttershy introduces herself to her support group "and I'm a sex addict"
"Told ya girls this marijuana thing was awesome!" Applebloom says to her friends as they get high
"Yes, it's true!" Pinkie confesses, crying "Mr. Cake and I are having an affair!"
"You killed my mother!" Twilight yells, furious
"No, Twilight" Luna replies "I am your mother!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Twilight screams
"Celestia is dead!" the citizens sing "All hail our new leader, Empress Derpy!"
…none of the above will happen.
Quick lil note:
I think I should warn you that the end of this chapter contains a twist that may upset fans of a certain character.
All I can say is that there's a reason for why I did what I did. Unfortunately, it's a reason that can only be revealed at the end of the fic and who knows when that will be? All I can do is ask you to stick with me and, with any luck, you may be pleased with what I did once everything is revealed at the end.
Happy No Holiday!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ONCE MORE WITH CONTEXT
The sound of iron hitting iron echoes across the barn. Rainbow Stark cleans the sweat from his face. This kind of brings him memories of that good ol' cave in Afghanistan. Those were the days he thinks to himself and smiles. God, I'm such a tool. His smile disappears. I disappointed you, Yinsen, didn't I? I didn't change at all, did I? I'm still the same irresponsible, self-aggrandizing, spoiled little shNO! STOP! Self-pity is for losers!
He hits the anvil harder.
You screwed up! So what?! Everyone screws up! What are you going to do about it? What you always do: Fix it! That's what you do: You fix things! You build something! And this is exactly what you're doing right now: Building something that, with any luck, will help you fix the mess you've done.
Sparks fly as the hammer comes down again.
Not far from there, another scientist is also trying to fix the mess Stark helped create. Bruce Pie is closely inspecting his machine, seeing if it is ready to safely contain the Elements of Harmony in its force field generator.
I could try to describe the machinery in detail but, in case you haven't noticed so far, I really suck at describing things, so I'll just say that Bruce's machine is very similar to that Mini-Sun Harmonic Fusion Reactor Thingamabob that Dr. Octavius (Alfred Molina) had in Spider-Man 2.
"That looks… intricate"
Bruce turns around to look at the pony talking to him "Oh, hi there… Fluttershy, right? You're feeling better already?"
"Yes, thank you very much" Fluttershy answers "And you are…?"
"Oh, sorry. I guess I didn't introduce myself properly" Bruce Pie replies "I'm Bruce Banner. Currently residing your friend Pinkie Pie's body" he gives a small laugh
"Oh, nice to meet you, Bruce" Fluttershy replies with a little laugh "I'm Natasha Romanoff. Currently residing… Fluttershy, I guess"
"Romanoff?" Bruce asks to which Natashy nods "Well… Welcome to Equestria, I guess. How long have you been swapped?"
"Not too long ago…" Natashy said "So, where's everyone?"
"Tony is at the barn down the road, building a new suit of armor" Banner answers "Steve is at Rarity's, making a… what's so funny?" he asks seeing Natashy trying not to crack a smile
"I'm sorry, Bruce, but your new voice… you sound so, so sweet" Natashy said, letting a small laugh out
"You are mocking my voice?!" Bruce Pie raises an eyebrow "Is not that much different than yours"
"Yeah, I guess you're right…" Natashy smiles "So, Steve is at Rarity's. Where is that?"
"Well, it's at… I have no idea" Bruce replies
"It's okay, I'll ask around" Natashy says "And what about Thor?"
"Thor's at the hospital. Broke a leg. Don't know how"
"And Clint?"
"Barton?" Bruce replies, confused "I don't know. He was swapped too?"
"Last time I talked to you, you were you" Natashy said "I'm just asking to make sure that no one else was swapped while I was knocked out cold"
"Well, as far as I know, the two of us were the last ones" Bruce replied "Don't know about anyone else"
"Right" Natashy then nodded at the machine "So, what does this do?"
"Right now? It fills space" Bruce said "But with any luck, it will be able to contain the Elements of Harmony so that we can…"
"The Elements of Harmony?" Natashy interrupts "You mean those things that Rainbow Dash mistook Stark's chest piece for?"
"Yup. They're there on the jar" Bruce Pie pointed at the jar with the glowing magic gems
"Hmm… expected something different…" Natashy said, observing the jar "They seem pretty contained in the jar, already…"
"Well, yeah… but they're not much use for us just sitting there" Bruce replies "We need to tap on their magic properties if we hope to defeat Discord and/or open another portal to go home"
"And your machine will do that?" Natashy asks
"Don't want to jinx it, but I'm pretty sure it will, at the very least, make us able to control it somewhat" Bruce says "I studied these gems closely and observed them react in a similar manner of radioactive isotopes, except they don't seem to present half-lives or any form of exponential decay despite their constant emission of gamma rays. It's astonishing, really. Perhaps, 'Magical' would be a more suitable description. It's close enough to my field of work for me to be sure that I can contain and release them in a safely manner, but different enough that I can't tell what will happen once we point them at something and pull the trigger. My hopes (and this machine's design) are for it to open a portal back home"
"I'm impressed, Banner" Natashy said "Gotta say, of all people, I never expected you to become a 'Master of Magic'"
Bruce chuckled "That's kinda of the point though, isn't it? The most skillful magician is the one you never suspect"
"You tricked us all" Natashy said, joking
"Now you see me…" Bruce joked, moving his hooves as if he was casting a spell
"Right" Natashy smiled "Well, you seem to have everything in order here… I think I should check on our other resident genius and see how he is doing. You said the barn was…?"
"That way" Bruce pointed
"That way. Right. Do me a favor, Banner?" Natashy said "Don't tell Stark I called him a genius"
Bruce laughed "My lips are sealed"
Natashy smiles and nods. As soon as Bruce turns his back, her smile disappears. She stands there for a few seconds, coldly observing Bruce Pie working on his machine. Her eyes squint, as she ponders. What goes through her head? No one can tell. She gives the machine one last, seemingly displeased, look and turns around, moving towards the barn.
A griffon on the clouds watches and follows.
"Stark?" Natashy calls as she opens the doors of the barn.
Stark wasn't there. The barn was empty. Well, not really empty. Tools and pieces of metal were scattered all over the haystacks. Natashy inspects them closer. Just a few plates weld together. Stark hasn't made much progress, if any at all, on his suit. Where could that slacker be? She finds a bag on the ground. She takes it. She grabs a few spare tools on the table and puts it in the bag. Natashy believes in being ready for everything, and they may be useful as weapons. She puts the bag on her back and exits the barn. She could stay there and wait for Stark… or she could see Steve at 'Rarity's'. She doesn't know where that is, but she knows someone who knows. She smirks and goes her way. And so does the griffon on the skies.
"Here, Steve, dear" Rarity told Steve Jack, giving him the 'Captain Equestria Uniform - Mk1' "You should go try it on and see if it suits you before we make the modifications you suggested. If you need anything, just call me"
Steve nodded and went into the dressing room. Rarity went over her drawing table and checked the design again. The… let's call it prototype suit that Steve is trying on is mostly bare, only having a few markers pointing out where all the other details shall be added later on. But the final design… Oh, my… what a marvel! A tasteful combination of light and dark shades of blue and purple: the purple giving it a sense of mystery (purple is simply great for this) while the light blue gives a sense of hope. Hope and Mystery. There's no better way to introduce a hero fashion-wise, Rarity thinks. It also symbolizes the day and night sky, of course, which, combined with a slightly different rendition of Equestria's national symbol (A half-moon/half-sun orb, located in the center of the chest), is meant to inspire a sense of patriotism and national pride, an icon the ponies of Ponyville could rally behind.
Rarity is very proud of her design, but she can't take all the credit. Steve had a lot of input, suggesting some of the patriotic undertones, including three little stars symbolizing the three major pony races (Earth Ponies, Unicorns, and Pegasi) surrounding the sun/moon orb in semi-circle, and one last big star on the back to fill the empty space (his very last suggestion). Empty space that wouldn't be there had he approved her idea of a cape, Rarity thinks, but Steve said that capes are 'not very battle-convenient, in spite of what Thor may think'.
She can't wait until the uniform is done and ready. Oh, they still need to work on that helmet… She still thinks that big 'E' is a little bit too much, but Steve insisted on it. It's growing on her, though.
The sound of somepony entering her boutique takes Rarity away from her thoughts.
She turns her head and sees Rainbow Stark carrying something big in his back, wrapped in newspaper.
They stare at each other. Stark is the first to speak "Uh… hi"
"Hello" Rarity greeted back, respectfully but coldly
They remain in an awkward silence for a couple of seconds
"Is there anything I can help you with?" Rarity finally asks
"No… I mean, yes… that is, I just…" Stark tries to reply when, suddenly, a loud bang is heard from upstairs, interrupting him
"Sweetie Belle?" Rarity shouts towards the ceiling "What was that noise?"
"Nothing, dear sister" a voice yells back
"Who was that?" Stark asks
"Oh, that's just my little sister, Sweetie Belle" Rarity replied "She's with Applebloom and Scootaloo searching for some Fedoras"
"Applebloom… That's Mary Ann Summers' little sister, right?" Stark said
"Applejack's sister, yes" Rarity's tone has only a hint of the contempt she feels for him right now
"So… your sister, her sister… they're friends too? Everyone's little sisters hanging around in their own little sister club?" Stark smiles, trying to start a friendly conversation
"Something like that, yes" Rarity replies dryly "You came here looking for small talk or…"
"Oh, no, I… I was just looking for Steve" Stark says "I thought he was still here…"
"He's at the dressing room" Rarity says
"Uh… Why?"
"He's trying on his new uniform" Rarity answers
"No, I mean, why the hell do you have a dressing room?" Stark said "Like, you ponies walk around naked in public all the time but when you finally decide to put something on, you suddenly feel the need for some privacy? Weirdos. Anyway, I just wanted to give him this"
Stark gently drops the wrapped object he was carrying on the floor.
"I'll call him…"
"Oh, you don't have to" Stark said "Just… give it to him… tell him it's a gift from me… or don't tell him. It doesn't matter…"
"You don't wanna talk to him?" Rarity asked
"I'm pretty sure he's the one who doesn't want to talk to me" Stark replied "Don't blame him. I'm kind of a jerk"
Rarity raises an eyebrow
"Yeah, yeah, I know" Stark said "We kinda had a fight and… this is my peace offering" he pushes the 'peace offering' towards Rarity "So, if you could just give it to him, that would be great"
"I'm not gonna do it" Rarity said "You should do it, Stark. If you're really serious about mending things with your friend, you…"
"He's not my friend"
Rarity stops what she was saying and looks quizzically at Stark
"You asked earlier… how guys like Thor and Steve could be friends with a guy like me. And that's just it: We're not friends" Stark continues "Me and Thor? We barely know each other. Me and Steve? We can barely stand each other! Bruce is the only one of them who I can really call a friend. The others are just… acquaintances. We're just provisory allies. Brought together by chance and necessity. I mean, I have no qualms with Thor, even though my first meeting with him ended up with us fighting. I guess we could be friends if we ever got to know each other better, but with Steve? The only time we stopped fighting each other was when we were too busy fighting someone else! Sometimes I feel like there's a Civil War just waiting to blow between us!"
"I… I'm sorry, Stark, but I don't get it" Rarity replied "Why would you bother trying to make peace with Steve, if you hate him that much?"
"I… I don't hate him! I just… I… You know what? Yes! I do hate him!" Stark snaps at her "I've hated him even before I've met him! Ever since my father couldn't stop babbling about his, oh, so goddamn perfect friend, Captain America, and it only got worse when I actually met him! That little Dudley Do-Right, Goody Two-Shoes! I couldn't stand it! I despise that type of people! Teacher's pets with impeccable records! Little dumb drones who do as they're told, accept authority without questioning, and always get on their good side, not unlike a certain friend of yours. Those people are a joke. And him? On top of being all that, was also a little dancing monkey wrapped in outdated jingoistic propaganda, whose ass everybody was dying to kiss! I hate everything that he represents! And you want to know why I want to make peace with him? I'll tell you why! Because I was wrong!"
Rarity stares at him, surprised
"I was wrong… and he was right" Stark gives a small, begrudging chuckle "Which only makes me angrier at him, but… no. He was right. And there's more to him than… well… you know. This is my apology to him. He… he's a better man than me. He's a nice guy, probably the nicest guy I've ever met, and he doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treat him. Tell the truth, if everyone was just a little bit more like him, this world… I'm sorry, my world would be a much better place"
Rarity begins to smile. Stark glares at her.
"If you tell him a single word of what I've just said, I swear to God, I'll…" Stark stops to think of a good threat "…mess up your hair!"
Rarity chuckles
"I mean it!" Stark said "Keep your mouth shut!"
Still giggling, Rarity says "Your secret is safe with me, darling"
"The uniform seems fine, Rarity" Steve steps out of the dressing room, carrying the uniform folded on his back "I just think we should loosen up a little bit around the legs to allow for better mobilit…" Steve notices Stark and greets him coldly "Oh, hi, Tony"
"Cap" Stark greeted back
"Is there anything you want?"
"I…" Stark sighs "I'm sorry, Steve. For what I've said before. And I'm sorry for not taking this seriously. And I'm sorry for being… well, me"
Steve Jack sighs as well "Look, Tony, you really don't need to…"
"Shut up. I'm trying to be humble and apologetic here and you ain't gonna dismiss my apology with your stupid magnanimity, you fucker" Stark cut him off "Anyway, as proof of the sincerity of my apology, I offer you this gift" he hands him the gift
"Tony…"
"Accept it or I will smash your head with it!"
Steve rolls his eyes and unwraps the gift: A shiny, round metal shield. He looks at Stark.
"Can't have Captain America without his shield, now, can we?" Stark says "Made it myself. Now, it's not Vibranium, obviously, but I think it can still take a beating. It should also work relatively well with that whole throw it around thing you do. I was going to paint it but I didn't know how the uniform you were designing was going to look like, so… yeah"
"Thank you, Tony" Steve said
"Don't mention it" Stark said, turning his head away, feigning indifference
"You know" Steve smiles "This is the second time a Stark made me a shield"
Stark turns back at him and smiles too.
"Aw, you two are such darlings" Rarity says, smiling
"Suck my currently non-existent dick!" Stark tells her
"Tony!" Steve says. Stark turns at him with a 'What?' expression on his face. Steve rolls his eyes "Anyway, how's Bruce's machine going?"
"I don't know" Stark answered "I've left him to do his thing around the same time you've left us. I hope it's done before Discord's 24 hours deadline is up, or else we're screwed"
"What do you mean?" Steve said
"C'mon, Steve, let's face it" Stark said "We have absolutely no way of defeating him! Our only hope is to open another portal with that thing and finally get out of here!"
"But if we're gone… what's going to happen to this place? Discord will still be at large"
"I don't care!" Steve gives him a disapproving look. Stark sighs "Look, they have dealt with him before. Twice, in fact. We go, Sparkle and the Banana Splits arrive, they use the Elements of Copout, save the day, and keep living happily like the stupid assholes they are! And there you go!"
"What if they don't work?" Steve asked "The Elements. What if the machine drains them out? What if one of Twilight's friends come back tired, hurt, unconscious, or worse, and can't activate their Element? What then?"
"Sucks to be them then" Rarity frowns at Stark "What? I'm sorry, but it's true"
"I don't know, Tony" Steve said "I'm starting to think we should defeat Discord before we try to go back home"
"Are you serious?! How?! Tell me, Steve, how?" Stark asked him "I'm not sure if you noticed, but we're basically powerless here and this guy is much, much more powerful than Loki, who, may I remind you, is still at large in our world! Even if we still had our powers, I don't know if it would be of much help against someone who can bend reality at will! We attack him and he turns us into butterflies or teleport us to Antarctica! Now, I'm working on my armor and made you this shield so we won't be completely defenseless and that's it. If you still think that dressing in a costume and rallying this town of cowards will make any difference, be my guest, but, in my opinion, the best course of action is to gather all the guys and meet with Bruce so we can get out of here. In fact, I'm going to check on Thor right now. See if he's good enough to follow us back to the farm"
"So, you really think Discord's gonna lick us?" Steve asked
Lick [lik]
Vb-Informal, Slang: To defeat or vanquish, usually in a humiliating manner; To overcome (someone or something) decisively; To beat or trash; To punish; To get the better of.
Stark squints at Steve "Uh… yeah, sure… I guess he can lick us if he's into that…"
"No, I mean, you really think we have no chance of beating him?" Steve said "I never took you for a defeatist, Tony. What happened to 'there's always a way out'?"
"The way out is going back home!" Stark answered "I'm not being a defeatist, Steve, I'm being a realist. Hey, if you have a plan to outmaneuver the freaking God of Chaos, I'm open to suggestions"
Steve opens his mouth to talk, but then closes it and stares at the ground, pensive.
"That's what I thought" Stark said
"Now, boys, let's not be so pessimistic" Rarity said "I, for one, truly believe Steve can inspire the ponies to work together and fight Discord, and if that doesn't work and things get really ugly, I'm sure you'll come up with something to help us, Stark" Rarity winked and smiled encouragingly at him "After all, you're so intelligent and resourceful"
"Wait, you're hitting on me? Has my vast wealth finally registered on your 'Gold Digger Radar'? Look, I know you love dragon cock" Stark said nonchalantly "But, even when I was single and wild, I've only had my sexcapades with my own species. I'm not Loki, you know"
Rarity shoots him a death glare.
"Hey, don't look at me like that! I'm not judging!" Stark defended himself "I've watched Shrek. I'm totally cool with a dragon and a donkey hooking up"
"I'm not a donkey!" Rarity yells
Stark smirks, amused "Careful, Rarity. Getting so offended for being called a donkey, some ponies may think you're racist"
"Tony!" Steve says in a warning, disapproving tone
"Why, I ought to…" Rarity was about to chew him a new one when she sees, from the corner of her eyes, three little fillies staring at them "Oh, hi, girls" Rarity greets them, regaining her composure "I see you three found what you were looking for" she then notices Sweetie Belle, her sister, wearing a derby hat that didn't match her companions' fedoras "Well, most of you"
Stark looks at the three fillies. Hillbilly Jr. he already met. The little idiot with the big hat must be Rarity's sister, considering they're both white unicorns, and seem to waste their time worrying about fashion. The third one was moving towards him. She was an orange Pegasus with a short, swirly, slightly tomboyish hair. Must be Rainbow Dash's sister.
"Rainbow Dash! Hi!" the little filly said to him
"Hey, kid" Stark replied with a bored tone. What did Rarity say to be her name again? 'Loot-A-Cue'? 'School-Be-Lieu'? Ah, whatever, just call her little sister and you'll be good.
"Can't talk now. We're kinda in a hurry. We're in the middle of a very important investigation" the kid whispered at him
"Sure you are" Stark couldn't care less
"Oh, no, you're not taking that hat out of here" Stark turns to see Rarity arguing with her Mini Me.
"But…" the little clone protests
"No buts. You're going to dirty it and I won't allow you to ruin this beautiful hat"
"I promise I will take good care of it"
"Mm-huh" Rarity says, unconvinced
"Pleeeeease!" the kid resorts to the Ultimate Brat Technique: Puppy eyes and pouty lips. Stark begins to get amused. The little idiot may not be that much of an idiot after all.
"Don't make that face to me. It won't work" Rarity says, but Stark knows it isn't true. And, apparently, so does the kid, as she continues making that face.
"Sweetie Belle…" Rarity says before putting her hoof on her face and sighing in defeat "You can keep the hat…"
"Yay! Thanks, dear sister" the kid smiles victorious. Stark smirks. As a manipulative asshole himself, he can't help but feel appreciation for other tricksters. Unless their name happens to be Loki, that is.
"Well, I'll be going now" Stark said "Cap. Cruella De Vil. Bubbles, Blossom, Buttercup" he nods at Steve, Rarity and the Crusaders "See y'all later" and with that said, Rainbow Stark left the building
"I guess we should go too" the yellow filly with the pink bow said "Thanks for the hats, Rarity. Bye, Applejack"
"Bye… sister" Steve answered, not exactly comfortable about lying to that little girl, but he supposes it's best to keep pretending. If that little filly knew what had happened to her big sister, she would be so scared and worried. She doesn't need to know.
As soon as the Crusaders left the boutique, Steve turns to Rarity "Listen, Rarity, I'm sorry about Tony. He's just…"
"Don't worry, dear. I get it" Rarity said and then glanced towards the door from where Stark left, a knowing smile on her face "I get it..."
Steve looks confused for a moment. Obviously, he doesn't get it. But he smiles anyway "Well, I'm glad you understand, then… even if I don't"
Rarity laughs "You're welcome, darling. So… what were you saying about the uniform's mobility?"
"Oh, yeah, that's right" Steve said and then grabbed the uniform "I think we should loosen up the legs a little bit. They're a little too tight"
"Well, we wouldn't have this problem if you hadn't vetoed the skirt that I…" Rarity stops what she's saying once she sees Steve lookin at her with a pained expression on his face "Alright. Alright. 'Not Tactical'. Forget I brought it up... Not even a little petticoat?" she asks. Steve smiles, but his pained face remains "Fine" Rarity resigns
"It really doesn't need much touching" Steve continues "I just feel that it may restrain my movement somewhat"
"Hmm. Maybe a change of fabric could help" Rarity said "Something a little less tight-fitting… I'll grab some samples upstairs so we can try them out and see which you feel more comfortable with, okay, dear?"
Steve nods and Rarity climbs the stairs. Designing a combat outfit is so different of what she's used to do, but hey, she already designed a suit of armor the other day. This is child's play compared to that, and, if she can be honest with herself, she's having a blast. Even if she had her urges to add a little more glamour shot down by Stark and Steve in favor of something more practical and sensible (and, looking back, she can see how some of her suggestions could have been a little outré), such restrictions are (positively) challenging her creativity. She's learning a lot from this new experience, and she's sure this will help her become a more talented desi…
Rarity's train of thought derails after she opens the door of her 'office' and sees all her mannequins and shelves tumbled over on top of all the fabric and accessories scattered messily over the floor. A ball of yarn rolls from the inside of a tipped basket and bounces on the floor, comically breaking the silence.
Rarity's eye twitches. Her lips tremble as she forces a nervous smile. Her chest goes up and down as she breathes heavily through her teeth. Her smile slowly turns upside down as her face turns red and her whole body shakes…
"SWEETIE BELLE!" she yells from the top of her lungs
15 minutes earlier…
Perfecto!
Spike takes one step back and admires his job well done. The books are all perfectly lined up on the shelves, not a single inch out of place. Of course, nopony else will appreciate this… They see a library in order and they pay no mind. It's how it's supposed to be, after all. But do they think about the books being taken in and out all the time? Do they think about ponies taking a book, reading a few pages and then putting it back in the wrong place?! Do they think about every time they take a pile of books to study and after they're done with it, they just leave them on top of the tables for him to pick them up?! Do they think, for a miserable second, about him having to take every single one of those books, sort them, locate the place they should be, carry them, climb up the ladder, climb down the ladder, painstakingly repeat that routine EVERY DAY, always trying to find a book out of place, keeping this whole library in order, never receiving recognition for his efforts, not even a single…
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting again?"
Spike stops his inner rant to look at Natashy standing on the doorsteps of the library "Oh… Uh… it's nothing, Fluttershy" Spike blushes, embarrassed "So, did you find the others?"
In the outside, Natashy smiles sweetly. In the inside, Natashy analyzes the purple lizard intensely. She doesn't know his name. She doesn't know him. What does he know? Does he know about the swaps? Did Stark told him? Have he met Stark? Does he know what's going on? How much does he know? Is he an ally? If he's an ally and he doesn't know about the swaps, would he still be an ally if he knew about them? Natashy grimaces internally (while still smiling externally). She doesn't have enough information. She should've asked Bruce about this purple individual earlier. She doesn't know why she didn't. She decides that it's best to keep up with the 'Fluttershy' persona until she gathers more Intel about this town, the situation, and who's on the know.
"I'm afraid they already left the farm when I arrived" Natashy answered him. When in doubt, be kind. If details about your disguise or the person you should be impersonating gets misplaced, and you don't have the data about their personality, your basic options are to either act direct, kind, or authoritative. Direct and authoritative are better when you're sure your cover is supposed to be an authority or a business minded person. Otherwise, kind is your best option. If contacts that had some kind of interaction with the subject you're impersonating find your kindness odd, quickly change your tune and explain it as you briefly being in a good mood. Luckily, interactions so far had proven that 'Fluttershy' is indeed kind. She's also soft-spoken, coy, perhaps a little cowardly and insecure, and, if her name can be taken at face value (and everything that Natashy has seen in this world tells her that she can take names at face value), shy. Natashy is confident that she made a pretty accurate deduction of who 'Fluttershy' is, and she's willing to prove it by acting on it. If she's wrong, she can always adapt her disguise accordingly.
"Oh. Uh… that's a shame"
"I did meet Pinkie though"
"You mean Bruce?" Spike asked
"Oh, that's his name? I didn't know" So he knows about the swap. She still doesn't know how much he can trust him. Better to stick with the cover for now "Well, I met… Bruce and he told me that the others were at Rarity's and… I… I'm still a little lost… I can't remember where Rarity's is. Could you help me?"
"You don't know where the Carousel Boutique is?" Spike asks "Gosh, Fluttershy! This is serious! We need to go see a doctor about your memory loss!"
"Oh, thank you for being so concerned about me" Natashy smiles kindly at him. Once again, Spike blushes "But you really shouldn't bother. I just need directions to Rarity's boutique and I'll be fine"
"Are you sure?" Spike said "I can walk you to the hospital, it wouldn't be…"
"Oh, you" Natashy smiles and rubs her hoof gently on Spike's cheek. She's getting tired of this. She needs him to stop worrying about her and just give her the stupid directions. Time to turn on the charm "It's sweet how much you care. You're so adorable and kind. Wanting to take care of me even after exhausting yourself cleaning up the library all on your own"
"I don't… I… you noticed?"
"Of course I noticed it" Natashy replies on the soft tone she presumes Fluttershy uses "Taking care of this library all by yourself can't be easy, but you still do your job well, selflessly and without complaining. You're so diligent and responsible"
"Oh, well, I… I'm not… it's the least I can do" Spike replied, flattered and blushing "It's nothing, really"
"Don't sell yourself short" Natashy kept buttering him up "There aren't enough adorable, laborious, caring guys like you out there"
Spike doesn't reply. He just smiles at the ground, blushing. Good. The sucker is hooked.
"So… could you point me towards Rarity's boutique?" she lowers her head to speak to him eye to eye
"Huh? Oh, yes! Of course!" Spike answers and quickly moves from where he was standing to the library's door "See that building there on the distance?" Spike points outwards
"That one?" Natashy points at the same place
"Yeah, that's the one"
"Oh, I remember now" Natashy lied "Thank you for helping me!"
"Oh, it's nothing" Spike rubs the back of his neck, dismissive
"You're so sweet" Natashy says and kisses him in the cheek, before going her way
Spike stares at her walking away, his hand resting on his cheek, his heart racing. In the background, a melody starts to play…
What is happening?
Why is my heart running like this?
Why did I felt like babbling
When she gave me that kiss?
(Look at you sigh)
Why do I feel like I want more?
(I think you know why)
I've never felt like this before
(That's a lie)
(Don't you remember when that unicorn first walked by?)
No!
It can't be true!
(Oh)
(She hooked you)
I already have a beloved
(By whom you remain unloved)
Can I really have two?
What am I gonna do?
(Sucks to be you)
Oh, life used to be (be)
So much simpler to me (me)
I was in love with Rarity (with Rarity)
So, now, tell me why (why)
Oh, why did I (I)
Had to fall for Fluttershy (Fluttershy)
They say love is bliss
Why does it feel like a curse?
I need to solve this
Before it gets worse (worse how?)
Before it all runs amuck
Before I run out of luck
Love triangles suck
(Remember when you two first met that day?)
(She wouldn't talk to Twilight. Head down. Looking away)
(As soon as she laid eyes on you, she was elated and hoping you'd stay)
No! I won't accept it! That can't be!
Rarity is the only one for me!
(Not anymore, it seems)
No!
(Shy will flutter your dreams)
Oh, no!
(Your heart is a kingdom with two queens)
(Oh, my! That was cheesy!)
No! Rarity is the one!
The only one allowed to make my heart run
(Nopony said love was easy)
I feel like I'm cheating her
(Yeah, right. As if)
(You two were never together to begin with)
That's not the point!
(Then what is the point?)
Love triangles suck
(Face the facts, boy: Your heart is divided)
It's not fair!
(There's only one thing left to be decided)
(To whom your love you'll declare?)
(To the fair mare of such rare flair)
(And pretty hair)
(Wanna be Sweetie Belle's beau-frère?)
(Or to the more discreet)
(And so sweet)
(Petite)
(Pony who's making your heart faster beat?)
(Got more room in the Love Seat?)
I don't know!
(Oh, no!)
My whole world used to be
Just Rarity and me
But Fluttershy now makes three
I'm running amuck
Running out of luck
Love triangles suck
"LOVE TRIANGLES SUCK"
"Hey, Justin Bieber!"
Surprised, Spike turns to see Rainbow Stark staring at him.
"I hate to interrupt your burst of musical spontaneity, well, not really, because that whole thing was weird and that song was shitty, but I need you to give me some directions" Stark told him
"You too?" Spike asked "Where do you need to go?"
"The hospital. Where you and Blanche DuBois dropped Percy Jackson after he broke his leg" Stark said "I just realized I don't know where that is because Crazy Horse somehow forgot to mention it on her big tour of the town the first day I was here"
Spike stares confused at Stark for a few seconds before saying "You know something, Stark? It would be a lot easier to understand who you're talking about if you actually called ponies by their actual names"
"Duly noted, Harold"
"My name is Spike" Spike replies, annoyed
"Alright, Dennis" Stark said, nonchalantly "So, the hospital? I need to meet up with Thor"
Spike sighs "I'll show you the way" he exits the library with Stark following closely
Half a minute later, Stark breaks the silence "Do you people always do that?"
"Do what?" Spike asked
"Go on a musical routine about your feelings and apprehensions like you're characters in a Broadway play" Stark said "I thought that was something that only Pinkie did because she was, well, her, but apparently you do too. Does everyone else? Is that a thing?"
"Uh… I guess" Spike replies "I never stopped to think about it. The girls do it a lot more often than I do though"
"And you never thought that was weird?" Stark raises an eyebrow at him
"Well, yeah, at first, when Pinkie was the only pony doing it, but then everypony else seemed to catch on it and started doing it too"
"Well, can't fault them for their musical proficiency. Coming up with melody, lyrics, chorus, and choreography on the spot. Impressive. You guys should win a Tony Award" Stark said
"A Tony Award?" Spike raises an eyebrow at him
"Nothing to do with me, I promise" Stark says "There's more than one person named Tony in my world. It's not like here where no two ponies seem to have the same noun/adjective/verb in their names… 'I'm sorry, Mr. Ponytail, but you can't name your daughter 'Incontinence'. We already have an Incontinence in Saddlepolis. Diarrhea is still available though'"
Spike frowns at Stark
"Oh, I'm sorry. Was that culturally insensitive?" Stark asks with a mischievous smirk
Spike just rolls his eyes and shakes his head "Never mind…"
"So" Stark says "I know it's none of my business, but, since that never stopped me before, about what you were singing back there…"
"That's private!" Spike says, hastily, sweating cold
"Oh. You don't want to talk about it?"
"No. Not really"
"Alright" Stark says, a malicious smile creeping on his face "I'm sure I can find someone else to talk about it…"
"You wouldn't dare!" Spike yelled at him, panicking
"Try me" Stark challenged him
Spike just looks at him, apprehensive, trying to decide what to do
"I wonder if Rarity is in the mood for some chitchat…" Starks provokes
"Alright! Alright!" Spike sighs, defeated "What do you want to know?"
"I just want to talk" Stark replies "A good ol' man-to-man talk, or, more precisely, a Rapidash-to-Squirtle talk" Stark pats him in the shoulder "So, spit it out: How do you feel?"
"How do I feel? How do I feel about what?"
"About the predicaments brought by love geometrics" Stark said "If I recall your song correctly, you think they suck"
Spike manages to chuckle and sigh at the same time "I'm not sure… I… I've been in love with Rarity for so long that… suddenly feeling these feelings for Fluttershy just… feels wrong"
"If you convert to Mormon Fundamentalism, you could marry both of them" Stark quipped
Spike glances annoyed at him
"Look, do any of them reciprocate your feelings?" Stark asked, seriously this time "Mind you, 'treating you nicely' does not count as 'reciprocating', you desperate perverted weirdo"
"I'm not sure…" Spike says "I guess Fluttershy treats me a bit more nicely, but… she treats everypony nicely, so…"
"Did you heard what I said about 'treating you nicely' not counting? Seriously, I said it just two seconds ago!" Stark replied "Oh, whatever. Okay, so Fluttershy treats you nice. How does Rarity treats you?"
"…she treats me nice too" Spike answers
"You hesitated"
"Did not!"
"Yeah, right" Stark said "I know this kind of girls… They treat you nice when they want something from you or they just tease because they like the attention. They treat you like a tampon: Use you and then throw away. Well, maybe a tampon is not the best analogy… It would insinuate that you'll one day gain access to her vagina which I doubt will ever…"
"Rarity is not like that!" Spike snaps furiously at Stark "She's very generous and…"
"Do not confuse generosity with selflessness" Stark cut him off "Being generous means you're not greedy, it doesn't mean you're not selfish. Look at me, I donated my entire modern art collection to the Boy Scouts of America and I'm as selfish as you can get"
"Don't compare yourself to her!" Spike yelled, furious "She's not like you!"
Rainbow Stark smiles at him "You really do love her, don't you?"
Spike's fury starts to fade from his face as his cheeks begin to blush.
"You know, I used to use women. All the time" Stark said "I was rich, famous, and handsome. Still am. They all fell right into my lap. Brought them to bed, forgot them in the morning. Used and threw away. Now, I don't want you to think that I was a bad person… I wasn't a good person but I wasn't bad, I… I was just selfish. You have something that people want, be it money, good looks, information, a product, a good time, whatever… So you use that to get what you want: Sex, favors, someone kissing your ass. It's human nature… Pony nature… It's just nature, period. The point is… I don't do that anymore. I've changed. For many reasons but I think that the main reason is Pepper. She was always there, you know, I just didn't notice until much later. Maybe it's the same with her. Maybe Rarity is like you said or maybe she is like I said, in the end it doesn't matter, because if she's like I said… Maybe she'll notice you and she'll change. Maybe you're her Pepper"
"You… you're being nice to me?" Spike asked
"Don't get used to it" Stark smirked
"So… you think I should stick with Rarity?"
"Honestly? I don't really care" Stark said "I mean, I think it's obvious that you have stronger feelings for the horned one, but if there's something that cheesy 80's teen movies have taught me is that the girl of your dreams may not be the right girl for you and you should instead date the shy, delicate girl next door who had always been nice to you. But what does John Hughes know?"
"Well… That does nothing to solve my dilemma…" Spike says "But thanks anyway"
They were approaching the hospital.
"I gotta ask, have you ever been interested in someone of your own species? You know, a dragon girl?" Stark asked him once they were near the main entrance "Or do you only have a hard-on for ponies?"
Spike frowns at him
"I'll take that as a no"
Before they enter, with his hoof on the door, Stark turns to Spike again.
"You should consider yourself lucky, all things considered" Stark said "It's not everyone who gets to see their crushes naked on a daily basis"
15 minutes earlier (again)
"You're so sweet" Natashy kissed Spike on the cheek and turned towards Rarity's place.
Natashy focus on her destination, ignoring everything else, including the singing coming from the library she just left, the large griffon that followed her from the skies, and the red-haired pony who was walking towards her. She doesn't notice any of those things because she's too busy thinking over all the information she received in the last couple of hours she's been here, and in the last few days, back home, from her interaction with the ponies who occupied the minds of Rogers, Stark, and Thor. Her mind feels blurry though, some of the things she tries to remember draw a blank. Could this be an effect of the rift? Or is it...
"Fluttershy! Wait!"
Natashy turns around to see a red-haired pony walking after her, carrying a basket of roses on her back "Oh, uh… yes?" Natashy replied, soft, unsure and coyly, staying in-character
"Finally! I've been calling you for two minutes!"
"Oh, forgive me, I'm terribly sorry!" Natashy said, still in-character. Who the hell is this? What does she want?
"Oh, it's okay" the pony named Rose said "I just wanted to thank you again for taking care of my parakeet. She's much better now"
"Oh, it really was nothing. You're welcome" New information: Fluttershy knows how to take care of birds. Ornithologist or veterinarian?
"I didn't get to pay you that day" Rose said, already grabbing her purse from the side of the basket of roses
"Oh, please, don't" Natashy stopped her "It was a pleasure. I really don't need…"
"I insist"
"I can't accept it" Natashy smiled. Maybe she should accept it, if it meant that this mare would leave her alone so she could resume to her destination…
At that moment, Rainbow Stark passed them by. Natashy didn't notice him. Stark glanced at her. Up already? Pfft! I knew it was nothing. Such a whiner. He kept going towards the library without stopping or saying a word.
Rose smiled "At the very least accept these roses as a sign of my gratitude" she said grabbing a few roses from her basket with her mouth, and putting them on Natashy's bag together with her tools.
"I… thanks…" Natashy smiled at her
"No. Thank you" Rose gave her one last smile and trotted back to her flowers stand.
Natashy observed her, contemplative. She looks at the roses left in her bag. She smells them. She smiles. She can't remember the last time she 'stopped and smelled the roses' as they say. For a brief moment, she feels a peace that she never felt before…
"SWEETIE BELLE!" the sudden shouting surprises Natashy and takes her away from her thoughts. She turns her head just in time to see three fillies almost crash into her, running away. She keeps looking at the running fillies for a few seconds, curious, before she turns back to look at the origin of the yell. Her destination. Rarity's place.
"Rarity?! Is everything okay?" Steve ran upstairs, worried
There he finds Rarity, using her magic to clean up the mess Sweetie Belle left in her wake, grumbling angrily at herself.
"Rarity?" Steve asks again
"WHAT?" Rarity snaps at him before she recomposes herself "Oh, it's you Steve, darling. I'm sorry I scared you. There's nothing to be worried about. I'm just cleaning up after Sweetie Belle. She's such a little… darling. Such a little darling" Rarity's eye twitches as her forced smile trembles.
"Are… are you sure you're alright?" Steve asks
"Of course, dear" Rarity's eye twitches again
"Do you… do you want my help?"
"Oh, Stevie… There really is no need for…" Rarity takes a look around the room, then turns back at Steve, desperation in her eyes "Please"
Steve chuckles "I'd be glad to help"
"Hello? Anybody home?" Fluttershy's (Natashy's) voice comes from downstairs
"Fluttershy?" Rarity said and then looked at Steve
"It's okay, I'll see what she wants" Steve said
"Oh, okay. Thanks" Rarity smiled. Her smile disappeared once she looked around the messy room again
Steve followed her look "Actually… Why don't you go see what she wants and I clean up here?"
Rarity smiles "Thanks, darling. Just… just organize the fabrics in piles over there and I'll later put them in their right places"
Steve nodded and Rarity climbed down the stairs.
"Fluttershy! Hi! Are you feeling better, sweetie?" Rarity greeted her
"Oh, hi" Natashy answered "I'm feeling much better, thank you"
"I'm glad to hear it, darling" Rarity said, hugging Natashy "What brings you here?"
"I… I was expecting to talk to…" Natashy pauses. This must be Rarity. Bruce seemed to suggest that she knows about Steve. Should she drop her cover? "I… I wanted to talk to Steve. Is he here?"
Slowly, a smile begins to appear on Rarity's face "Oh, so you want to talk to Steve, huh?" she winked at her
Natashy squints at Rarity's tone "Uh… yes"
"Oh, my" Rarity sighs, lovingly "Somepony was bitten by the love bug"
"I'm sorry?"
"Oh, darling, you don't need to hide your feelings from me. I can see that you've been hooked" Rarity says "and you have my approval. Steve is a great suitor, unlike certain…"
"Look, I don't have time for this" Natashy cut her off, dropping her cover "I need to speak to him. Could you call him?"
Rarity was put off by 'Fluttershy's' uncharacteristic tone "F-Fluttershy? Are you feeling alright, sweetie?"
Natashy turns to look at Rarity. Rarity's blood freezes. The coldness she saw on 'Fluttershy's' eyes disturbed her.
"My name is Natasha Romanoff" Natashy introduced herself "I'm afraid I've been swapped with your friend"
Rarity's brain takes a moment to register what Natashy's said "Oh. Oh! Of course! T-that makes sense" she sighs, relieved "You're one of Stark's friends, then?"
Natashy smirks, almost chuckling "Is that how you call us? 'Stark's friends'?" Natashy asks in a much more warm and welcoming tone than she used before, putting Rarity at ease
"Kind of" Rarity answered, giggling "But I'm starting to think that that appellation may not be accurate"
"Yeah. 'Friend' isn't really how I would describe our relationship" Natashy smiled "And considering his history with women and the way he was ogling me when we first met, I think that having friendships with girls is far beyond his capabilities and self-restraint"
"Oh, you're a girl? That's wonderful!" Rarity smiled "I thought all of Stark's frien… uh… partners were boys!"
Natashy doesn't reply. She just gives Rarity a side smile.
"Well, it must be hard being surrounded by all that testosterone" Rarity laughed "You sure must miss another girl to hang out, gossip, and try new dresses with, right?"
Natashy laughs "Heh, heh, heh… no" her smile disappears as she goes back to the same icy, non-nonsense stance she had earlier "If that will be all, could you please call Steve?"
Rarity gulps, Natashy's cold eyes staring at her. A look that seemed to say I can break every single bone in your body with ridiculous ease and odds are I'm gonna do it unless you stop wasting my time and does as I say. Rarity takes a step back, terrified "S-sure, I-I… S-St… uh…" Natashy's stare intensifies "STEVE!" Rarity screams
"Rarity! Is something wrong?" Steve yelled back, quickly trotting downstairs
Something wrong? Yes, there seems to be something wrong with this character here… Rarity thought, glancing at Natashy. Natashy was still staring at her. Rarity gulps again "Y-your friend, Na-Natasha is here…" Rarity stuttered, nervous
"Natasha?" Steve asked the yellow Pegasus
"Steve?" Natashy asked back with a smirk and a raised eyebrow
"How long have you been here?"
"Not too long ago" Natashy replied "I've talked to Banner. He told me you were here. He didn't know where here was, so I had to ask the purple guy"
"Spike?" Steve said
"So that's his name" Natashy said "Can he be trusted?"
"But of course! Spike is…" Rarity begins to say
"Didn't ask you" Natashy cut her off, without even looking at her
"Yes, he can" Steve answered her
"Good" Natashy says "So, what's the situation?"
"I'm not sure yet" Steve says "Discord has given us 24 hours… I think we only have 18 left. Banner is trying to jumpstart the Elements to bring us back home, but I don't think we should rely on that plan. I think we should stay and fight before we return"
"Are we in conditions to fight?"
"We're working on it" Steve said and touched the shield Stark made him "At the very least, we can offer some resistance"
"What about you?" Natashy turned to Rarity "Can you hold your own? Have you ever been in a fight?"
"Me and the girls had our share of scuffles, yes" Rarity answered
"Have you ever killed anyone?"
"Dear goodness, no!" Rarity replied, shocked "H-have you?"
Natashy stares at Rarity, that same icy stare of before "Yes. Plenty" she says. Rarity whimpers.
"I… I d… I don't think I…"
"You don't think you could take a life?" Natashy asks "Well, darling… you may not have a choice. You need to be ready for whatever comes your way. You may end up with blood in your ha… hooves. It's up to you to decide whose blood that gonna be: Theirs or yours?"
Rarity's eyes are fixated on Natashy's, fearful "I… I think… Oh, my! I still have to clean up the mess upstairs! Hahaha! I'm so forgetful! I… I'm gonna go now and… you two keep talking… Yes, do that!" Rarity smiles nervously and runs like hay upstairs, without looking back
"You sure know how to make an impression" Steve commented, turning to Natashy
"Don't you remember the way Rainbow Dash and Twilight were shocked when they heard about Loki stabbing Thor?" Natashy asks him "And then Loki almost killed them all! These ponies are in our world, in our bodies, and they'll have to fight Loki and whatever he has under his sleeve! He won't pull any punches! If this switcheroo keeps going, then these ponies will need to learn that they'll face a world that is much less nice than the one they're used to"
"I guess you're right…"
"Let's not talk about Loki. There's nothing we can do about him" Natashy said "Let's focus on our enemy here. This Discord. Tell me about him. Can we stop him?"
Steve looks around, as if making sure that they're alone. He turns back at Natashy "Very well, then. Here's what you need to know…"
15 minutes earl… or maybe it's just 10… or it's happening right now… I don't even know anymore…
"That will be all, Mrs. Cake" Nurse Redheart said to the happy couple "You and your husband need to return next week so we can continue your prenatal care"
"Thank you so much" Mrs. Cake said and then turned to her husband "Let's go, honey"
Redheart smiled as the Cakes left the hospital. She was still watching them when she accidentally dropped her clipboard, causing it to slide under a table.
Redheart groans as she lowers herself to try and retrieve the clipboard.
"Hellooooooooooooo Nurse!"
Redheart turns around to see Rainbow Stark smiling sleazily, staring at her butt.
"Rainbow Dash?" Redheart said, standing upright "Can I help you?"
"Sure. Just turn back to the position you were before. That will be of great help" Stark said raising his eyebrows suggestively
"Stark!" Spike, who Nurse Redheart just now noticed was standing beside Stark, yelled at him
"Alright! Alright! I know" Stark said and then turned back at Nurse Redheart "Me and Short Round here are looking for Tho… Twilight"
"Of course you are" Redheart said with a groan "Unfortunately, Ms. Sparkle had to be restrained and moved to the Psych Ward"
"Heh, awesome" Stark chuckled
"What?!" Spike said "But Rarity asked you…"
"I'm sorry but it was necessary" Redheart said
"Not surprised" Stark said, nonchalantly "If you don't have mental problems, you're no friend of mine"
"Don't worry, though" Redheart continued "Once she showed signs of getting calm and cooperating, we removed her straitjacket and let her out of her padded room. She's now on the common room. Under supervision, of course"
"Well, lead the way, Nurse Ratched" Stark quipped
"Uh, it's Redheart" Redheart corrected
"Oh, really?" Stark smirked "An honest mistake"
Stark, Spike and Ratch… Redheart arrive on the common room and find Thor Sparkle sitting on a table, talking to the same blue pony who was barking words of support at him earlier that day.
"Hey, buddy, how's it going?" Stark greeted his friend
Thor turns to look at Stark and Spike. He gives a big smile "My friends! I am much rejoiced to see you once again!" he stood up and hugged them
"Good to see you too, buddy" Stark said "I see you're making some acquaintances"
"Oh, yes! My friends, I want you to meet Screw Loose!" Thor introduced his new friend to Stark and Spike "She's full of wisdom!"
"Woof!" Screw Loose barked
"Screw Loose? Her name's Screw Loose? She's a wacko and her name is Screw Loose?" Stark said, skeptical "What? She was born like this? Her parents were clairvoyants?"
"Woof! Woof!" Screw Loose replied
"Is there anybody here named Basket Case?" Stark asked out loud. A pony in the back raised his hoof.
"Oh, do not fret, Man of Iron" Thor said "Screw Loose confided me that this is not her real identity! In reality, she's a member of the Royal Family much like myself! How amusing are the turns of fate, right, my friends?"
"I'm a princess!" Screw Loose said with a manic grin "Woof!"
"You're not a princess, Ms. Loose" Nurse Redheart intervened "We already went through this in group therapy"
"Yes, I am! Woof! My evil sister trapped me in the moon! But little does she know I escaped to reclaim my throne! Mwahahahahahahwoof!"
Nurse Redheart rubs her temple "First, you're not Princess Luna. Second, Princess Celestia is not evil. Third, Luna has escaped from the moon months ago and it's no secret. Fourth and last, she has already regained her position in the Equestrian royalty without…"
"I am loony!" Screw Loose cut her off "Therefore I am Luna! Canterlot, woof, woof, will suffer my vengeance! Woof!"
"I think we should ask Dr. Gregory Horse to amp her dosage of Thorazine" Stark whispered to Nurse Redheart
"I… don't think we have a doctor by that name here" Redheart replied him "But I'll take your suggestion into consideration"
"I'm glad you're having fun, buddy" Stark turned to Thor "The Loony Bin is a great place to meet other princes, gods, aliens, and Napoleons. But it's time to go"
"I'm sorry, Ms. Dash, but Ms. Sparkle isn't in conditions to leave" Nurse Redheart interrupted him "Not only does she need more rest for her leg to fully heal, but her psychological state is concerning. Her delusions and outbursts of violence have…"
"Outbursts of violence?" Stark said, and then turned towards Thor "I thought you were here just because of your 'I'm the God of Thunder! Hear me roar!' thing. You had 'outbursts of violence'? What did you do?"
Thor looks ashamed "I'm deeply sorry for my previous behavior, noble healer" Thor Sparkle lowered his head in reverence to Redheart "I was blinded by anger and frustration, being hindered by my afflicted limb, restrained in a bed, unable to help my friends, and being served a vastly unsatisfactory meal, that I ended up unjustly taking it out on you, like the spoiled, petulant child I thought I had ceased to being. You treated me better than my manners entitled me too. I hope I can earn your forgiveness"
"My, my… You really threw a hissy fit just because you were stuck on a hospital eating shitty food? You should consider yourself lucky that you're being treated at all!" Stark said "You know what we do to horses with a limp back home? Here's a hint: We don't bring them to the hospital"
"Well, it's… it's nice for you to admit to the err of your ways, and it's definitely a good sign for the development of your recovery" Nurse Redheart said "But that still doesn't mean you're free to go"
Thor gave a brief nod "I understand" Thor grabbed Redheart's hoof, who looks at him in surprise and confusion "I am thankful for your patience and for your care" Thor kissed her hoof and then looked her in the eyes, with a warm smile and tender eyes, the kind that can make you start questioning your sexual orientation.
Redheart blushes.
"Hey! Cut that out!" Stark said, feigning indignation "I saw her first!" he then turns to Redheart with a mischievous smirk "So, when does your shift end?"
Normally, Nurse Redheart would pay no mind to Stark's question, but, thanks to Thor, she was now in 'Question-Your-Own-Sexuality' mode. She turns flustered at him "I… I'm s-sorry… wha… I… huh?" she stutters
"At loss of words? Yeah, I can cause that effect" Stark winked at her, making her even more flustered "Now, I know you have your 'work ethics' and probably made a hypocritical oath, or whatever it's called, but couldn't you discharge hi… her a little sooner? It's important"
Redheart takes a minute to 'reboot' her brain. Like waking up from a trance, she blinks and shakes her head "I… uh… I'm sorry, Rainbow, but… surely, it can't be more important than the well being of your friend"
"Well, it depends of how important you consider the enslavement of your entire species to be" Stark said "A storm is coming and we need Princess Peach's apprentice…"
"Princess Celestia" Spike corrected
"…Princess Celestia's apprentice to be fighting by our side and bringing us victory!" Stark said, pumping his fist (hoof) "Surely, you understand"
"I would love to assist you in battle, my friend, but, it pains me to admit, I'm really in no conditions to" Thor said, defeated "Even disregarding my injured leg, I lack strength and prowess in this form, and, despite this body's natural aptitude for magic, all my attempts at conjuring it had been meager. In my current state, I fail both as a warrior and a sorcerer. So, tell me, how could I ever hope to vanquish our adversaries in the battle that is to come?"
"Well, you can always stab them with your horn" Stark said "Like you did in Cabin In The Woods"
"Cabin in the woods?" Thor said, confused "I've never been to a cabin in the woods"
"Funny" Stark replied "I could swear you were there"
"I know the secret to defeat Discord" Screw Loose said, grinning "The great Starswirl, the Bearded told me when he visited me on the moon"
"I DID NOT!" another patient screams from the other side of the room
"Shut up! You're not Starswirl, the Bearded!" Screw Loose shouted back "You don't even have a beard!"
"My beard is invisible!" the other pony yelled "I invisibled it with MAGIC!"
"LIAR! You're just a crazy Earth Pony! Woof!" Screw Loose kept yelling "And everypony knows Starswirl wasn't an Earth Pony! He was a tomato!"
"I turned into an Earth Pony with magic!" the pony rebutted
"Oh, yeah? And what about…"
"MAGIC!"
Ignoring the debate between the two nut jobs, Nurse Redheart turns to Stark "I'm sorry, Ms. Dash, but I must agree with Ms. Sparkle. She's in no conditions to…"
"You agree with her? Of course you agree with her. What she said makes a lot of sense. Which means that she already recovered her mental faculties" Stark said "So, that only leaves us with the leg. Strap that bitch in a wheelchair and we're out of here"
"Frankly, Ms. Dash, do you wish your friend to suffer further injury?" Nurse Redheart said
"We just need her real quick" Stark said "We'll bring her back. I promise"
Redheart looks unsure before relenting "Alright. Fine. But, you have to bring her back and she'll need to go through some checkups before she can leave"
"I agree" Stark said
"And I'll need you to sign some papers"
"Well, that looks like a job for our scribe!" Stark said "Hey, scribe!" he turned back to the table and saw Thor and Spike listening to a story Screw Loose was telling
"…nopony cared that I was stuck on the moon. Nopony talked to me. Except the wolves. They always howled at the moon, talking to me, keeping me company" Screw was rambling "That's why I bark. To talk to them… My only friends"
"What about Starswirl?" Spike, who was bored by this whole thing, asked her
"What about him?"
"Didn't you say he visited you in the moon?" Spike asked, indulging (or confronting) her in her delusions "Now, you're saying that only the wolves cared. What would he say, knowing that you dismiss him like that?"
Screw Loose stares intensely at him "Nothing, you idiot! Starswirl is dead!" she shouts "He's locked in my basement! Woof, woof!"
"Uh… okay" Spike said, retreating slowly from her
"Hey, scribe" Stark touched him in the shoulder causing him to jump
"W-what?"
"Meredith Grey agreed to let Thor go, but first he'll need to go over a checkup and you'll have to sign a few papers for his release" Stark explained "I'll check up on how Bruce's going, so once you're two are finished here, meet us at Sweet Apple Acres. If you find yourself with time to spare, maybe you can consult a psychologist to help you with your Reverse Betty & Veronica situation"
"Uh… sure"
"Oh, and do me a favor" Stark said "Try to keep Thor away from Michael Myers over there"
"At Nightmare Moon's Night, I come home" Screw Loose grinned manically
Stark's eyes widen. Did she understand his reference? To the point of paraphrasing the movie's tagline? Suddenly, John Carpenter's Halloween theme begins to play in his head.
"Ooookay… I'll tell Dr. Loomis to keep you sedated" he then turns to Thor "Hey, buddy. The Big Nurse here will put you through some exams and you'll be free to go" Thor nodded, acknowledging "See you soon, sweetheart" Stark smiled, charmingly at Redheart
"It's Redheart" Redheart said "Nurse Sweetheart works the night shift"
"Are you sure? Let me check" Stark said, and then gazed upon her blue eyes "Nope. You're definitely a sweetheart"
Redheart tries, unsuccessfully, to take her eyes away from Stark's as her cheeks become as red as her Cutie Mark "I… I…"
Stark smirks I still got it "Goodbye, my sweet red heart" he whispered and left the hospital, as Redheart stood there, numb, taking a few seconds to realize, to her horror, she was staring at Rainbow Stark's butt the whole time.
"I wish to apologize once again for my misdeeds, Healer Redheart" Thor approached her, breaking her from her trance
"Wh… huh?" she turns her head at him
"I want you to know that I have the most regard for those like yourself who dedicate their lives to treat others" Thor said with a wide, warm smile "And, despite my childish tantrum, I feel fortunate for being under your care and look forward to your examination of my body!" he kisses Redheart's hoof once again
FUN FACT: Apart from Thunder, Thor is, among many other things, the God of Healing. In the original 60's comics, he disguised himself in the mortal form of physician Dr. Donald Blake who fell in love with his assistant, Nurse Jane Foster. Don Blake also limped from a leg, like Thor Sparkle does at the moment.
"So, shall we begin?" Thor asked, smiling
Redheart looks at Thor(Twilight)'s lovingly eyes and contagious, broad smile. Her face expresses confusion and panic "Actually… I think I need a break" she says, calmly, and retreats to take a cold shower.
Somewhen (This chapter goes back and forth in time more often than The Butterfly Effect)…
Natashy leaves the Carousel Boutique, processing everything that Steve just told her. About this world. About Discord. About everything. She's not sure of what she must do. She needs to stop and think.
She sits nearby the town's fountain, watching as the townsponies come and go. Oblivious to the chaos that waits them. Steve said that he tried to warn them and that they all panicked and hid. They seem calmer now. Must have short-term memory or something. Or maybe they thought that whatever danger was coming, it was vanquished before it could affect them. Steve thinks that, with the right incentive, these ponies can be a force to be reckoned with, a force that can defeat Discord. Natashy has serious doubts about that.
Natashy has serious doubts about Steve's entire plan to be honest.
"Fluttershy?"
Natashy turns around to see a pony couple waving at her "Yes?" she replies, returning to her coy disguise
"We're so glad we bumped into you" Mrs. Cake said as she and her husband came near "We want to ask you something"
Чёрт возьми́! What now?!
"Uh… of course, what is it?" Natashy smiled while cursing inwards
Mr. & Mrs. Cake glance lovingly at each other before replying "Well, first we need to tell you the good news: I'm pregnant"
"Oh… Oh, my! That's wonderful! Congratulations!" Natashy replied, feigning jubilation
"Thank you!" Mrs. Cake smiled back "So, we were wondering, once the baby arrives, if you could take care of him whenever we had to leave him alone"
"You… you want me to babysit?" Natashy asked, surprised
"Is there a problem?" Mr. Cake asked
"Uh, no… it's just… why me?" Natashy asked, hoping that, maybe, whatever they answer will shed more light on who Fluttershy, her disguise, is.
"Oh, well, we thought about Pinkie first, but…" Mrs. Cake begins to say
They both pause and look uneasy at each other, making a silent exchange of words. Natashy finds it curious, if not a little suspicious.
"But... 'Pinkie' is, well, you know..." Mr. Cake said
"Pinkie's a sweetheart" Mrs. Cake said, smiling, trying to be reassuring "But we need somepony who we can really trust to take care of our baby"
"And we're not sure she can be trusted…" Mr. Cake says, taking an awkward pause before continuing "…with that kind of responsibility, I mean"
Natashy caught a feeling of betrayal on his expression "And you… trust me?" she asks
Way more than I trust a lying fugitive Mr. Cake thinks
"Of course we do, sweetie!" Mrs. Cake smiled "Rarity told us how great you were taking care of her sister and the girls"
Good with birds and good with children. I've changed bodies with a Disney princess.
"So, could you be our babysitter for when the baby arrives?" Mr. Cake asked her
Natashy smiled "I'd be delighted"
"Thank you, sweetheart" Mrs. Cake said and then nodded to her husband as they trotted back to their store.
Natashy watches them go, contemplative. She looks up at the sky and sees birds and Pegasi flying by. She looks back at the town square. She sees Rose waving at her. She smiles and looks back to the roses on her bag. Next to the roses are the tools she took from the Apples' barn. Her smile fades as the gears of her mind are set in motion. Finally she knew what she had to do.
"Spike?" Natashy says as she enters the library. Nobody answers. Good. She scans the shelves attentively until she finds a geography book. She takes it and flips the pages until she finds a map of the town. She slides her hoof over the map, looking for the place Steve said that Discord told them he would be waiting. There it is. The Ghastly Gorge. Natashy smiles. She memorizes the path and closes the book.
Meanwhile (Probably)...
Bruce blinks his eyes and looks around. He swears that every time he turns back to his work, a flash of light appears from somewhere. He looks at the sky. Nope. The sun is not in the right position to be reflecting the…
"That one looks either like an ice cream cone or a giant dildo"
Bruce turns his head to see Rainbow Stark looking up "I'm sorry, what?"
"Huh?" Stark said, turning back to him "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were looking for shapes in the clouds"
"What? Oh, no. I was just… Forget it. It was nothing" Bruce said "So, did you talk to Romanoff?"
"Romanoff?" Stark asked, curious
"Yeah, she…" another flash of light appears "Did you see that?"
"See what?" Stark asks
Bruce looks around again before continuing "Never mind. Romanoff said she would meet up with you in the barn. Didn't she?"
"I've left the barn quite a while ago" Stark said "I didn't even know she was here"
"Yeah, she was swapped with Fluttershy" Bruce said
"Fluttershy?" Stark said, amused "Ha! I guess that explains Spike's sudden infatuation for her. I should tell him… but I won't"
Click! Another flash goes off. This time, Stark notices.
"Oh, no!" Featherweight whispers, as the wind blows the picture out of his Polaroid, making it land right on Rainbow Stark's hooves.
"What is this?" Stark says, grabbing the picture showcasing Bruce's derrière "What the hell?!" he then turns his head towards the direction the picture came from and spots Featherweight hiding behind the bushes "Hey, you! What the fuck you think you're doing, you pervy voyeur?"
Featherweight panics and runs away.
"Yeah, run!" Stark shouts "Go find someone else to choke your chicken to, dipshit!"
"Uh, Tony?" Bruce approached him "What's going on?"
"Well, Bruce, it looks like you're a little pubescent boy's sexual fantasy" Stark smirked, showing him the picture
Bruce just grimaced at the picture, his cheeks turning pink. Uh… pinker.
"Oh, yeah" Stark kept teasing, 'admiring' the picture of Pinkie/Bruce's butt "Stacy's mom has got it going on"
"Tony, stop it" Bruce said, 1/4 annoyed, 1/4 embarrassed, and 2/4 amused
"Why he didn't take pictures of my ass?" Rainbow Stark pouted "Don't boys think I'm pretty too? I'm feeling insecure now. I think I'm gonna go home and cry over a bucket of ice cream"
"Oh, don't cry" Bruce decides to join in the tomfoolery "I'm sure plenty of boys masturbate thinking of you"
"Shut up! You're only saying that to make me feel better! …You really think so?" Stark asks. Bruce Pie nods, struggling to not laugh. Stark hugs him "Aw, shucks! You're the best friend a girl could ever ask for!"
Then they both laughed out loud.
"Who was that kid?" Stark asked, drying his tears "Was he following you around before?"
"I don't know" Bruce said "The other kids acted weird around me too"
"Other kids?"
"Yeah, three little girls" Bruce said "I went to talk to them and they just ran away"
"Three little girls, huh? So you've met Huey, Dewey, and Louie too?" Stark said "Do you think that little shit was with them?"
"I really wouldn't know. Didn't get to meet any of them very well since they all seem to run away as soon as I acknowledge their presence" Bruce replied
"Gotcha. So, how's your machine going?" Stark asked
"Well, didn't have time to test it, but I think it's ready to go"
"It's ready to go?" Natashy said, approaching them from behind "Well, that's great!"
"Oh, hello there, Agent Romanoff" Bruce said "Went for a tour of the town? What did you think of it?"
Natashy smiles "It's… picturesque" she then nods towards Rainbow Stark "I assume rainbow hair here is Stark"
"In flesh and lesbianism" Stark lowered his head, mocking reverence
Bruce frowns at him "What makes you think Rainbow Dash is a lesbian?"
"Oh, I don't know… Tomboy, sport freak, blue skin, rainbow hair…" Stark points to his head, using a tone as if he's stating the most obvious thing in the world
"Really, Tony? None of those things are enough to define someone's sexual…"
"Don't ruin the joke, Bruce" Stark cut him off
"And what about your armor, Stark?" Natashy asked him "It didn't look like you made much progress…"
"Pfft! True genius cannot be rushed" Stark said "Besides, I won't need it because Brucie here will bring us all back home with his fantastic machine"
"Well, I wouldn't be relying on that if I were you" Natashy said
"I agree with her, Tony" Bruce said "We shouldn't count our chickens before they hatch"
"Nonsense!" Stark said "It will work!"
"Right" Natashy said "Anyway, I'm glad I've found you both here. Rogers wants to talk to both of you at Rarity's as soon as possible"
"What does he want?" Bruce asked
"He didn't tell me" Natashy said "But I don't think you should leave him waiting"
Stark sighs "Whatever. Let's see what he wants"
"You're coming with us?" Bruce asked
"Oh, no" Natashy said "I'll be waiting for you right here"
"Uh… alright, then" Bruce said as he and Stark left to see Steve
Natashy watches them go. As soon as they're out of sight, she turns to the machine and drops her bag of tools on the ground.
On the clouds, Gilda squints. She can't see what Natashy's doing, but she doesn't dare to come closer.
Later…
"You've been awfully silent" Steve said as Rarity worked on his uniform "Is there anything wrong?"
Rarity looks at him and smiles "Oh, it's nothing, dear" she says and goes back to work
"It's Natasha, isn't it?"
Rarity freezes at the mention of her name "Oh… it's really none of my business…"
"Natasha can be a little harsh, but she's a good person" Steve said
"But she said she killed others" Rarity said
"So did I" Steve replied
Rarity stops what she's doing and looks shocked at Steve "Y-you did?"
"And so did Stark, and Thor, and Bruce. We all did" Steve said "We're soldiers in a war, Rarity. Unfortunately, Natasha is right: You can't win a war without spilling some blood"
Rarity frowns "Well, you can say that about your world, but around here we don't need to resort to something so barbaric"
"That sounds like the kind of world I'd like to live in" Steve says
Rarity looks at him and smiles. Steve smiles back.
"Are you two going to kiss or what?"
Steve and Rarity turn to look at Stark and Bruce watching them from the doorsteps.
"Stark? Banner?" Steve addressed them "What are you doing here?"
"What do you mean what we are doing here?" Stark said "You called us!"
"I'm sorry?" Steve said
"Kim Possible told us to meet you here!" Stark said
"Natasha said you wanted to see us, Steve" Bruce said
"She did?" Steve said, pensive "…okay, then. I wanted to know how's the progress on the… how do you call that machine of yours, Banner?"
"You dragged us away from the ranch just to ask us that?!" Stark said
"I didn't…" Steve begins to protest, but decides to stay quiet
"The machine's ready to go and no, I don't have a name for it yet" Bruce answered him
"Too bad Bifrost is already taken" Stark mused
"Well, I guess we're ready to go home then" Steve said
"Huh. I thought you were against us going back before facing Discord, Steve…"
"I still am" Steve said "But it's obvious that I'm the only one who holds that opinion and since this is a democracy…"
"Actually, I think this is a monarchy" Stark quipped
Steve glanced at him, annoyed "I'm not going to force you guys to do something you don't want to. If you all want to turn that machine on and go home, I won't fight you" he said "But we don't know if we're gonna have another shot at this, so if you're dead set about doing this, we need to gather everyone. Stark, you went to see Thor, how's he?"
"Fraternizing with the Schizo Gang in the Psych Ward" Stark said
"Thor is on the psychiatric ward?" Bruce asked him
"What?! But I asked them not to put him there!" Rarity said
"I know, right?" Stark said "Those doctors and their stupid degrees! They always think they know better than their patients no matter how many times we tell them that we already know what's wrong with us and how to treat it after we googled our symptoms! Who do they think they are?"
Rarity frowns at him "Well, in this case they really don't know better! Thor is not crazy!"
"Maybe we should enlighten them" Stark said "We could tell them the truth and soon afterwards we'd join Thor and maybe start our own rock band: The Straitjacketed Six!"
Rarity sighs "I guess you're right… Still, it's not fair for such a charming prince like him to be treated this way"
"Cough! Royalty brownnoser Cough!" Stark 'coughed'
Rarity heard him "I'm NOT a Royalty brownnoser!" Rarity said "I just think that it's very rare nowadays to find a Prince like Thor, who actually knows how to act noble and treat a lady properly" Rarity turns her head away, losing herself in the mists of memory "I still remember that day in the ball… I hoped to meet the enchanted prince that would make me his princess… As soon as I laid my eyes on Prince Blueblood I was so sure he was the one! I just knew that, before the night was over, we would be engaged!" Stark raises an eyebrow "But then, I…"
"Wait, wait, wait" Stark said "You expected him to be engaged to you on that same day?"
"Oh, yes, naturally" Rarity smiled but quickly went to a less cheerful stance "But what I thought would be the best night ever, soon turned into…"
"You wanted to be engaged to him on that same day?" Stark repeats his question, bewildered
"Yes, pay attention" Rarity said, impatient "So, as I was saying, it turned out he wasn't as charming as I first thought. It turned out he was rude, selfish, and without an ounce of class. It was such an awful disillusionment that…"
"Well, lucky you that he showed those characteristics that night!" Stark cut her off "Had he managed to conduct himself for that evening, you would be married to Mr. Dreadful right now! That's why you don't get engaged on the same day! Because you don't know who you're tying the knot with! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"Excuse me!" Rarity said, offended "Blueblood was a prince! It was perfectly reasonable for me to expect him to be perf…"
"Who marries someone they just met?!" Stark shouted
"Alright! Alright! We're going through a tangent that is bringing us nowhere!" Steve interfered "Let's go back to the matter at hand! We can't leave Thor behind, so we'll need to take him out of the hospital"
"Already ahead of you" Stark said "I already convinced them to let Thor go. I've left Spike to take care of him, and told him to meet us at Sweet Apple Acres once they're finished. They should be leaving right about now"
Right about now…
"So, will that be all?" Spike asks giving the signed papers back to Nurse Redheart
"Yes, that's all" Redheart said "Keep an eye on her and don't let her strain her leg unnecessarily"
"Sure thing" Spike said "C'mon, Th… ilight. It's time to go"
"This is where I bid farewell, Princess Loose" Thor bowed in reverence "I hope you can right the wrongs done against you"
"Woof!" Screw Loose replied
"Out of curiosity" Spike said to Nurse Redheart "Why is Screw Loose here? She didn't hurt anypony, did she?"
"No" Redheart said "She was just caught kissing a statue and calling it her husband"
"Farewell, Lady Redheart" Thor kissed her hoof once again "I hope we can meet again in less painful circumstances" he chuckled with that beautiful smile he's know for
I DON'T LIKE GIRLS I LIKE BOYS I DON'T LIKE GIRLS I LIKE BOYS I DON'T LIKE GIRLS I LIKE BOYS…
"Have a nice day, Ms. Sparkle" Redheart said coldly, and turned around
Thor looks confused "It seems she hasn't forgiven me for my early behavior…"
"Uh… yeah, maybe" Spike said "C'mon, we need to meet the others at Sweet Apple Acres"
"Show the way, faithful dragon!" Thor said, grabbing the cane that was given to him, and following Spike out of the hospital
Right about then…
"Well, if that's taken care of, we should be leaving for the Acres" Steve said "I'll just take this off real quick. Just give me a minute" he said and went into the dressing room to take his uniform off
"You don't need to go there!" Stark said "We're all naked!"
"Huh. You're right!" Bruce said "We are, aren't we?"
Stark stares at him "You didn't notice?"
"Had more things in my mind" Bruce said "It's weird that I don't miss clothes?"
"Well, you're a half-naked green goliath half the time" Stark said "You tell me if you should miss clothes"
"Well, I sure don't miss having to wrap pieces of cloth around my waist until I could find a pair of pants to steal" Bruce said "You know, when she first woke in your body back home, Rainbow Dash wasn't used to wearing clothes all the time. She walked out of the bathroom to the living room to meet us. Completely. Naked"
Stark snorts "No kidding?" he then looks at Bruce, suggestively "Did you like what you saw?"
Bruce snickers.
"You wear clothes all the time back in your world?" Rarity asked, curious
"Yup" Stark replied
"Oh, my! I'd make a fortune there!" Rarity exclaims
"And I'd make a fortune here!" Bruce said "Considering all the money I'd save not having to replace shredded clothes…"
"Okay, I'm ready" Steve said, stepping out of the dressing room "Let's go! …Oh, wait! I forgot one thing!"
Steve grabs the shield Stark made him that was sitting on the corner.
"You really think you're gonna need that?"
"You never know" Steve replied. And so they marched towards the Sweet Apple Acres
A while later, on the Sweet Apple Acres…
Big Macintosh is restless.
He's been restless ever since he heard the news.
The only mild distraction he had during the period of then until now was a small Pegasus colt with a camera, asking him if he knew where Applebloom and her friends were. But even that mild distraction didn't last long. When Big Mac finally found them, and saw his baby sister eating pie, playing with her friends and having a good time, off to go on another one of their crusades… it took all his strength not to cry. Applebloom doesn't know about what happened to Applejack. She can't know. It would break her little heart. But he will tell her everything that happened as soon as it's all over and Applejack is back… if she ever comes back…
Big Mac shakes his head. He tries to work to distract his mind, but it's pointless. He can't concentrate on his farming duties, worried about his little sister alone and defenseless in some strange, alien world. Will those strangers be able to bring Applejack back? He needs to have faith… but he can't take it anymore! He needs to see what they're doing… See how long will it take for them to bring his sister back.
As he moves towards the place the pony named 'Bruce' chose to build his machine, he sees a familiar pink-maned yellow pony seemingly inspecting the huge contraption.
"Fluttershy?" he calls
Natashy turns her head. Using her hind legs, she discretely kicks all the things left on the ground into her bag.
"Oh, hello there" she greets him, smiling, while slowly closing the open control panel with her left hind leg "Can I help you?"
"What are you doing here?" he then looks around, before whispering to her "Do you know about the others too?"
"The… others?"
Big Mac looks around once again "Eeyup. There are some ponies from another world who had traded bodies with Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie. I know it's hard to believe but…"
"I'm one of them"
Big Mac blinks "Y-you are?"
"Natasha Romanoff" Natashy introduced herself, circling him with a sexy walk "And who would you be, if I may ask?"
Big Mac doesn't register the question. He just stares at Natashy. There was something about seeing Fluttershy talking like that, walking like that, and giving looks like those… with such confidence and sensuality… He couldn't explain. He blushes, even though nobody could tell, thanks to his very red skin "I… I'm s-sorry… you said something?"
"Your name?" Natashy asks again with an amused smirk
"Uh… oh… It's… I-it's Big…" his mind drifts away again
"Big, huh?" Natashy chuckled, and then measured him up and down "Yeah… I can tell. Nice to meet you, Big"
Big Mac gulps. Why does he suddenly feel the urge to grab a pillow and place it in between his hind legs?
"Oh, I'm afraid we'll have to chat some other time" Natashy said, turning her head "We have company"
Apple Rogers, Bruce Pie, Rarity, and Rainbow Stark had just arrived.
"Hi again, Steve" Natashy greeted him "Banner, Stark, Rarity…"
"Don't touch me!" Rarity recoiled
Natashy raised an eyebrow and then smirked "As you wish"
"Where were you?" Big Mac snaps at them "You were supposed to be working hard to bring my sister back, and yet I came here to find y'all were gone!"
"I'm sorry, Big Mac" Bruce apologized "We just had to meet up with Steve and regroup with the other guys… but the machine is ready! Like I promised you, I didn't rest until I finished it"
"Yeah, don't worry" Stark said "You'll get your Quick Draw McGraw back faster than you can say 'El Kabong'"
Seeing that they're distracted, Natashy seizes the opportunity to pick up her bag from the ground and put it back on her back, and to lock the control panel shut.
"Oh. Okay" Big Mac says "So, what are we waiting for?"
"We're waiting for…" Stark turns his head and smirks "…them"
Limping towards them was Thor, being assisted by both his cane and by Spike who offers him support.
"Thank you, my loyal companion" Thor Sparkle smiled at Spike and then turned to the others "Greetings, my brethren in arms!"
"A simple 'hello' will suffice, Thor" Stark said "It will always suffice"
"How are you feeling?" Steve addressed Thor
Thor's smile fades as he lowers his head "Like a burden"
"Oh, darling, you're not a burden" Rarity said
"Thanks for your words of comfort, Lady Rarity" Thor said "But not only does my injured leg incapacitates me for battle, it also makes me an easy target. I would only get in the way"
"So, you can't fight because of a limping leg?" Natashy said "Can't you use your magic?"
Thor looks at Natashy "You saw what happened the last time I've tried, Lady Shy" he says "I can't c…"
"Actually, she hasn't seen anything, buddy" Stark said "She just got here"
Thor looks confused at Stark.
"It's Romanoff" Stark whispered to him
"Lady Natasha!" Thor beamed
"Wait, who?" Spike said
"Thor" Natashy smiled
"What's going on?" Spike asked
Stark sighs "Do I have to spell it out for you? That's not Fluttershy. She's Natasha Romanoff, a friend of ours"
"Oh" Spike said "So it was her and not Fluttershy who…"
"Made you fall head over heels?" Stark smirked "Probably. Does that make you feel better?"
"Oh, yes" Spike answered and turned to look back at Natashy. Natashy glances at him with sultry eyes and a provocative smirk. Spike blushes "…oh, no"
"It's so unfortunate that we had to be reunited like this" Thor told Natashy "Verily, I'd much prefer that we would be back at Midgard for our next reunion"
"You wish will be granted, Thor" Bruce said, moving towards the jar containing the Elements of Harmony "If I did my math right, we all will be back in our respective bodies in a matter of moments"
"Perhaps we should escort the civilians out of the area" Stark quipped, nodding towards Spike, Big Macintosh, and Rarity
"I won't move one hoof out of here until I can see that my sister is alright!" Big Mac said
Steve looks concerned "Actually, I think it would be safer for everyone to…"
"I'm. Not. MOVING!" Big Mac roared at Steve Jack "I'm not goin' anywhere until you become her again!"
Steve gives him a minute to calm down "Listen, I understand how you're feeling but…"
"Steve. Let him" Natashy said and turned to Big Mac "Here, you can sit next to me, Big" she winked at him
Big Mac blushes and smiles nervously "Oh, gee… Uh, thank you. Thank you very much" he says, sitting on the right of Natashy
"You're welcome" Natashy smiled
Spike stares at them smiling and sitting next to each other. He doesn't like it. He's not sure why he doesn't like it, but he doesn't like it "I'll stay too" he says with crossed arms and a frown, and then sits on the left of Natashy
Rarity looks at Spike sitting by Natashy' side. Spike is such a darling and seeing him so close to that two-faced psycho worries her "Uh… so will I" she says, sitting next to Spike and glancing nervously at Natashy.
Steve sighs in defeat "Alright. If you're determined to stay, then stay"
Bruce Pie squeezes through the machinery to drop the Elements on its center. He squeezes out and moves towards the control panel "Well, are you all ready? Sitting comfortably? Very well. With no further delay, let's…"
"Are you sure about this?" Steve stopped him, putting his hoof on his shoulder "Don't you want to reconsider?"
"Reconsider what?" Bruce said and then smiled "Don't worry, Cap. It's all going to work out fine"
Steve looks like he's about to insist. But he just nods, and moves away to sit on his place, looking slightly restless.
"C'mon! While we're still young!" Stark said "Too late! Steve's already 90 years old"
"I'm 1043 years old" Thor said
"Nobody asked you, Thor"
"Alright. Fasten your seatbels, people and ponies" Bruce said and turned his machine on.
"What is a seatbelt?" Thor asked
The four columns that constitute the machine begin to glow. Four rays of light are shot, one from the tip of each column. Bruce turns a knob, shifting the rays until they all intersect on the Elements on the ground. The Elements react, glowing themselves, and then floating. An orb of magic begins to involve them. Bruce smiles with satisfaction. He looks at Stark who nods and smiles proudly at him.
Big Mac, Spike, Thor, and Rarity stare at the Elements of Harmony, expectantly. Natashy stares at the control panel.
Steve's gaze shifts from the Elements to Bruce Pie to the control panel and to the Elements back again.
Bruce was still smiling at Stark when, suddenly, sparks begin to fly from the control panel.
"What?! No. NO!" Bruce shields his eyes, pressing the buttons on the smoking control panel, trying to turn it off, when Steve abruptly pushes him out of the way.
"Wait! I have to fix it!" Bruce protests
"STAND BACK!" Steve shouts, putting his shield between them and the controls about to explode.
Which then explode.
"Bruce!" Stark shouts, worried
The small ball of fire reflects on the shield and hits the columns, distorting them. Now disrupted, the orb of magic that involved the Elements implodes, sending a vast array of beams on every direction. Two of them hit Big Mac and Rarity, knocking them down, while Natashy takes a step back, surprised, and Spike jumps in the air and hugs her, shocked and terrified. Natashy eyes him, annoyed.
A third beam shoots towards the sky, almost hitting Gilda who shrieks in surprise, travelling many miles until it hits an unsuspecting Pegasus far away from there. The Pegasus shakes her head and looks around. Seeing nothing, she shrugs. Must have hit a bird again.
The Elements fall on the ground, right on the center of the machine's wreckage, inert once again.
"Oh, my God! Oh, my God, no!" Bruce cried "I… I blew it! I was so sure, I… I went over my calculations three times… this… this wasn't supposed to happen…"
"It's okay, Banner" Steve said
"No, Steve! It's not okay!" Bruce said, angry "You know what happened the last time I was sure I was right, that nothing could go wrong, and then I fucked it up?! The Hulk! That's what happened! Oh, God…"
"It's not your fault, Banner" Steve said
"Oh, give me a break, Steve!" Bruce replied "It is my fault! This whole mess is my fault…"
"Bruce, listen to me" Steve said, dead serious "It's NOT your fault"
Bruce looks at him, curious.
"Get off" Natashy tells Spike who complies
Thor tries to help Rarity stand, ignoring the pain on his leg
"Rarity!" Spike says "Are you alright?"
"Huh? Oh, yes" Rarity said weakly "Thank you for your concern, darling"
Rarity smiles reassuringly at him. Spike smiles back.
Natashy looks at them. She then looks at Big Mac, lying on the ground, moaning, still not fully conscious. He looks at the others, all worried about something or someone else. She decides that this is the best moment for her to sneak away unnoticed and proceed with her 'mission'.
Up in the clouds, Gilda looks down, back at the demonic coven beneath her. She doesn't know what unholy ritual those spawns of evil had just performed but she knows its intent is malicious and she thanks Celestia she was able to dodge that beam before it hit her. Who knows how it would affect her? Probably turn her into one of them! Like they did with Dash! She looks down again and sees 'Rainbow Dash' coughing. Her heart aches with grief, grief that soon turns into anger. Dash's body is now nothing more than a vessel for a malign entity. She wants to land there, attack the impostor, and demand to know what they did with the real Dash and how to bring her back. But she isn't stupid to enter alone into the nest of the wicked. Her bruises are still sore from her early encounter with Flutter… Fluttershy! Gilda almost forgot about her! She scans the area until she finds her sneaking away suspiciously. You ain't gonna deceive me that easily Gilda frowns and follows Game on, bitc…
"Cough!" Rainbow Stark coughs on his hoof. He looks around, and sees Steve Jack saying something to Bruce Pie. Bruce looks surprised and slightly shocked by whatever it is that Steve just told him "Bruce!" Stark calls and runs toward them "Are you alright? What went wrong?"
Bruce hesitates. He eyes Steve. Steve gives him a brief but meaningful look and says "Bruce's fine. I'll see how the others are" and so he leaves them
Stark turns quizzically at Bruce. Bruce sighs "I…" he glances at Steve once again "…I blew it"
"You didn't blow it. You just…" Stark tries to think of words. Being reassuring isn't really his forte "I… it was… probably nothing. I bet you can fix it"
"Maybe" Bruce sighs "But I'll need to do everything from scratch. We don't have time to…"
"I can help!" Stark said "I can find the error and…"
"Please, don't" Bruce stopped him "There's no way we can finish this in time. Discord is gonna come and we're gonna need to have Iron Man on our side if we hope to have a chance against him. I can't turn into the Hulk and Thor doesn't have Mjolnir. You're the only one of us who can somehow be as powerful in this world as you are back home, Tony. And we're gonna need that. We're gonna need you to focus entirely in your armor and get it done in time"
"You… you're right" Stark then turns his head to look at Steve helping Big Mac up "I guess we're gonna have to follow Cap's plan after all"
"It seems so" Bruce says, also looking at Steve, seemingly upset
Big Mac rubs his eye as Steve Jack helps him up "What? I…" as his vision clears, he sees Steve "Applejack?" he asks, hopeful
Steve's sorry expression is enough of an answer.
"Enope... so, it didn't work…" Big Mac said, tears rolling from his eyes "You… you… YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING HER BACK!" he yells, angry
"Calm down, my red friend!" Thor pleads to him "Stark and Banner are doing everything they can"
Big Mac's anger fades. Only his sorrow remains "Oh, sister… where are ya?"
Steve takes a step forward "Big Mac, I promise…"
"I don't want to look at you right now, if ya don't mind" Big Mac said, eyes to the ground, trying not to look at the man wearing his sister's face
"I… I understand" Steve said
"Not a very happy turn of events, huh?" Spike says to Rarity
Rarity sighs and nods sadly in agreement. Not only does Discord's threat looms over them and her friends are still lost Celestia knows where but she's also stuck with that derange…
Where is she?! Natashy had disappeared! Rarity can't find her anywhere! Where could she be? Oh, dear goodness! She's behind me, isn't she?
She turns around and sees Rainbow Stark's face just inches away from hers "AH!" she screams
"What the hell?!" Stark says, surprised
"Oh, nothing. You just… caught me by surprise" Rarity said, feeling foolish "I think I'm a little nervous…"
"I think we're all in the right to feel a little nervous" Steve said "Now that Bruce's machine failed, it's only a matter of time before Discord makes his move"
"If he hadn't made his move already" Stark says, nodding towards what's left of Bruce's machine
"Discord said he wouldn't interfere" Steve remarked
Stark stares blankly at him "Steve… you do know where babies come from, right? And that Santa isn't real?"
"Who is this Santa that you speak of?" Thor asked
"Your dad" Stark quipped
Thor frowns "My father is very real"
"It wasn't Discord" Steve says
"What makes you so sure?" Stark asks, suspicious
"It doesn't matter" Bruce chimed in "Whoever it is to blame, the point remains that we're stuck here. Retreating is out of the question now. We're only left with 'attack' and 'defense', so let's work on that"
"I hate to say this, but I believe the best way to defend against magic is with magic" Stark said "It would be great if you knew how to use that thing, Thor"
Thor lowers his head "I don't know how, my friend"
"I didn't know how to not shit myself when I was a toddler. I learned how" Stark said "You have the horn. You have the means. You just need to learn how to use it. You need a mentor"
"A mentor?" Thor asks
"Twilight's mentor, to be more precise" Stark smirks "And luckily for us, she was already alerted! Right, shorty? By the way, shouldn't she be here already?"
"Uh… what?" Spike asked
"The Princess" Stark said "We sent that letter telling her about everything that was happening earlier today, remember? You even insisted in rewording it so it wouldn't hurt her precious feelings…"
"I… never sent that letter" Spike replies
"You WHAT?!" Stark barks
"You had a fit before I even started to reword it" Spike defended himself "I kinda dropped it and never picked it up after the fact"
"Okay, that's it! I'm gonna kill you and sell your corpse to a sushi bar!"
"Easy, soldier" Steve told Stark and turned to Spike "Could you write her a letter right now? We could really use her help"
"I'll do my best" Spike said "I just need a scroll and a pen"
Stark turns to Bruce "Bruce, a scroll and a pen, please"
"I don't have it" Bruce said, confused
Stark inserts his hoof inside Bruce Pie's mane and takes paper and pen out of it
"Thanks" Stark smiled
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Bruce stared at his own hair, dumbfounded
"Here" Stark said, handing Spike the materials "Now, write up"
Spike nodded and began to write the letter…
Having memorized Ponyville's map, Natashy finds her path, following the invisible line in the ground. She reaches her destination. Ghastly Gorge. Natashy stops and stares at the Gorge. She feels hesitant. Normally, this would be a piece of cake. She has done this a thousand times. But she has done this with people. People who she could predict. She has no idea what to expect from this meeting. She misses the time when she didn't have to deal with monsters and gods. She takes a deep breath and steps forward…
"HEY!"
Natashy turns her head around, looking for the source of the unexpected exclamation
Uphill, behind a small bush, three little fillies were arguing… well, two of them were arguing. The third one was looking at Natashy and trying to call the others' attention. They were following her. Natashy grimaces. Three little horses managed to follow her without her noticing it? She used to be more aware of her surroundings. Consequence of being in a new body, she supposes. She will need to retrain her senses.
The two fillies stopped arguing. Looks like they finally heard their third friend's warning. They slowly turn their heads to look at her. Natashy raises an eyebrow. The fillies scream.
"WE'VE BEEN SPOTTED! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!" one of them yells as they run away
Natashy smirks, amused. She looks around one more time to make sure no one else was following her and then proceeds to enter the Ghastly Gorge. She didn't look up, though.
Sitting on the clouds, Gilda observes her and the Crusaders. Like Natashy, she hasn't noticed the three fillies until one of them shouted 'Hey!'. What were they doing? Following Fluttershy? Do they suspect of her as well? Gilda looks back at the Ghastly Gorge. It could be a trap. If she hopes to defeat this nefarious plot, she'll need allies. And those fillies will have to do. Gilda takes off, following her new objective…
Dear Princess Celestia,
I hate to interrupt any and all important affairs I am sure you are attending to, but I wouldn't be here asking for your help unless it was absolutely necessary.
I don't know if you remember the letter Twilight sent you a few days earlier reporting a certain body transference between Rainbow Dash and a being from another dimension. You wrote back that you were not aware of any spell which would allow such a thing but was sure that Twilight would find a solution. Well, I am afraid I must inform you that she did not find a solution and things have actually gone worse.
Now, I am not insinuating that you misjudged Twilight's capacity. Far from it. I am certain that your character judgment remains as impeccable and wise as ever, and I am fairly sure that Twilight would eventually find a way to revert everything to normal. The problem is that, before she could find said solution, she herself suffered a body transference too! And, sadly, she is not the only one. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy have also been send to a world unknown. Rarity and I are the only ones who have not been affected by this mysterious spell yet.
I am afraid our misfortune does not end there. Discord has escaped once again, the Elements of Harmony don't seem to respond well to the beings that now occupy the bodies of Twilight and her friends, and, according to them, Twilight and her friends may be facing serious danger in the world they are now trapped in.
Discord's threat is imminent and we don't know what to do! We hope you, in your vast wisdom, can help us.
We understand if you are too busy, though.
Your faithful subject,
Spike
"You're such an ass kisser"
"Tony" Bruce said
"What? He is!" Stark protested "He wants to kiss that ass over there" he points at Rarity
"Tony… just give the letter back to Spike, ok?" Steve said
"Burn it up, purple gnome" Stark gives the letter back to a frowning Spike who then proceeded to burn it.
"TRAITOR!" Thor tackles Spike to everyone's surprise. He then screams in pain, had forgotten his leg injury.
"Thor! What the hell?!" Bruce says as he, Stark, Big Mac and Steve drag him out from Spike
"He's in allegiance with our enemy!" Thor declares
"What?! No, I'm not!" Spike says
"Then why did you destroy the letter that contained our plea for help?" Thor asks, distrustful
"Oh, that's just how he send letters to the princess" Stark explained "He burns them with magic vomit"
"Oh" Thor said
"Really? Tell the truth, I was also wondering why he burned the letter" Bruce said
"So was I" Steve confessed
"I think we should write a pamphlet about this place's idiosyncrasies to give to whoever else gets swapped, so shit like this doesn't happen again" Stark said
"I'm truly sorry for that misunderstanding, my friend" Thor apologized to Spike
"Oh, it's alBURP!" Spike tries to say before burping Princess Celestia's reply
"See?" Stark said to Thor, grabbing the letter "It's the Yuck Express"
"What does it say?" Steve asked Stark
"Dear Royal Doormat…"
"Tony" Steve said in a warning tone "Read it as it is"
"Spoilsport" Stark says. At that same time, a curious Featherweight hid behind a nearby bush to hear them better.
"Dear Spike,
Thank you for informing me of the situation. It sounds very worrying indeed.
Tell our guests from the other world to remain calm. I am coming right away to help anyway I can.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia" Stark finishes reading "Well, it seems that the Princess is coming to help us"
"Great!" Steve said "With her on our side, we can really turn the tides against Discord"
"Well, I don't know about you guys" Stark said "But I'm not willing to bet all my chips on Princess Sunshine. And I'm not about to let her get all the glory either, so, if we're done here, I'm going back to the barn to work on my suit, alright?" and then he goes
"Well, we need to finish your suit too, don't we, darling?" Rarity said to Steve "Unless you think that Princess Celestia is enough of an inspiration that we won't need Captain Equestria anymore, of course…" she concludes, unsure
"Well, it would be a real shame to put all that good work you did to waste" Steve said "And you know what they say: Better safe than sorry"
Rarity beams "Oh, wonderful! Let's go right away. No time to lose"
Steve chuckles and follows Rarity back to the Carousel Boutique.
"I guess I'll have to wait here for the esteemed Princess" Thor said "So she can teach me her ways of…" he stops what he was saying as his stomach growls and aches
"What's the matter?" Big Mac asked him "You're hungry?"
"I suppose I should have accepted the meal Lady Redheart was trying to offer me…"
"Granny Smith was making some pies for the girls earlier" Big Mac said "Would you like to come and see if she has any left for you?"
"Thank you, kind friend!" Thor smiled "I would love to savor your grandmother's treats!"
Thor and Big Mac walk towards the Apples' home, passing dangerously close to where Featherweight was hiding. Not wanting to push his luck further, Featherweight decides to retreat, so he can observe (but not listen) from a safe distance.
"Well, I guess it's just you and me now…" Spike says "Bruce?"
Bruce wasn't paying attention. He was staring at the wreckage, a piece of what used to be the control panel on his hooves. Suddenly, he screams in fury and frustration, hitting everything he saw with the metal slab he was holding, kicking everything, punching everything, throwing everything, breaking everything, and smashing everything, scaring Spike.
"Bruce? Are you alright?" Spike asks
"I'm fine" Bruce replies "I'm sorry for that. It's just that… I'm so used to internalize all my anger. But now that I don't need to… might as well vent all my frustrations while I still can"
"Well… do you feel better now that you let go of all your anger?"
"Oh, Spiky, Spiky, Spiky…" Bruce laughed "That wasn't even close to all of my anger…"
A small sparkle catches Bruce's eyes. He cleans up some of the wreckage and finds the gem of Laughter "I think we're still gonna need these things… could you help me find the rest?"
"Should have asked Rarity while she was here" Spike said "She's the one who excels at finding gems, but, sure, I help you"
"Thanks" Bruce said. After a few minutes he turns at Spike again "Spike, if you don't mind me asking, what is a dragon like you doing here, hanging out with ponies? Shouldn't you be with your own species? Did you decide to leave them or…"
"I think they decided to leave me…" Spike replies, melancholic "I was hatched from my egg by Twilight herself. She says she doesn't know where my egg came from. It was just… there. I've never met any dragons. I've been with ponies, with Twilight, my entire life"
"Oh, really?" Bruce said "At least you were raised by someone who loved you"
And so Spike and Bruce spent the rest of the afternoon searching for the Elements among the wreckage and getting to know each other better.
Inside the Apples' barn, Stark is ready to resume his work on his suit of armor. He approaches the table to grab his screwdriver. Which he can't find.
"Alright, who took my stuff?"
Inside the Ghastly Gorge, Natashy wanders. She stops. She can feel his presence.
"I know you're here" Natashy says out loud "So show yourself"
"Very well. As you wish"
From a puff of smoke, appeared the most bizarre creature Natashy has ever seen. She takes a step back, trying to assimilate the creature.
Discord notices her astonishment "Does my humble figure unsettle you?" he asks with a smirk
"I… wasn't expecting you to be so… imposing"
Discord chuckles "Flattery won't get you anywhere" he smirks "But don't let that stop you"
Natashy replies with a mirthless smile "My name is Natasha Romanoff" she introduces herself "I'm here to propose a deal"
"Figures" Discord said, cleaning wax from his ear and then eating it "So, what does the good captain expect to get from me? My surrender?" he laughs
"I'm here on my own account" Natashy said "Steve would never negotiate with you. He plans to rally the ponies to fight you, which, obviously, won't work. But he's too blind to see that"
"It sounds like you don't have much confidence on your leader's plan" Discord smiles. These beings from another dimension… Supposedly, they are a team, but there's an uneasy tension among them. A natural propensity for disagreement and mistrust. Discord must admit he is becoming quite fond of them.
"Nobody does" Natashy says "It's a suicidal plan. Even if he manages to rally every living being on this planet, it won't do. You overpower us in a ridiculous scale. Your victory over us is but certain"
"Oh, more flattery. You're making me blush" Discord mocked "You're right, of course, but I have to say, I'm curious: Don't you think your friends may find a way to make the Elements of Harmony work again? They are the only thing that can defeat me, you know, and if they…"
"They can't make it work" Natashy interrupted him "At least not to do what they want it to do. They were trying to use them to open another portal just now and…"
"Oh, yeah. I know" Discord said "I must confess I've been spying on them a little every now and then. But can you blame me? It kinda gets boring just sitting here and waiting. Especially after I've already turned all the vegetation and animal life around here into candy"
"So… you must know what happened then"
"Oh, yes! Nice explosion" Discord says, clearly amused "But I didn't do it" he smiles and puts his hands up, claiming innocence
"I know" Natashy says and then grabs a bunch of wires from her bag and throws them on the ground "Because I did"
Discord stares at her and the wires with genuine surprise "Whoa! Let's backtrack a minute! You sabotaged the machine? Why?"
"That machine wasn't going to defeat you" Natashy said "Even if it did work. All it was going to do is open a portal home"
"Okay… that still doesn't explain why you sabotaged it"
"I have red in my ledger that I'd like to wipe out" Natashy said "But I can't. No matter what I do, I can't erase nor can I make up for what I've done. Wherever I go, my reputation precedes me. Whenever I go, the ghosts of my past follow me. I couldn't escape… until now"
"Until you got here?" Discord asked, already figuring out where Natashy was getting at
"Here, everyone greets me with smiles and ask me to babysit their kids. Back home" Natashy looks away disgusted "Back home is nothing but war, death, and lies. Day after day. As if making more horrors would compensate the horrors I already committed"
"The others want to go back. I don't" Natashy continues "Here I have a new identity, free from the burdens of the past, a fresh beginning. Here I have a new life. Here I can have peace. I'm not willing to relinquish that"
"Well, that's very interesting, Ms. Romanoff" Discord yawned "I still don't know why you're here telling me this"
"I'm here because I want to make a deal" Natashy said
"And what would that deal be?" Discord smirked and raised an eyebrow
"You allow me to live here, in peace, without disturbing my new life with your chaos" Natashy said "If you agree to that, I'll help you"
"Help me? Help me doing what?"
"Being your eyes and ears among them" Natashy answers "Listening to their plans, warning you about them, and then, foiling them. Undermining all their attempts and assuring your victory"
Discord laughs "That's your deal? Why would I agree with that? You said yourself you don't have a chance to defeat me. Why would I need your help?"
"We can't defeat you. But Twilight can" Natashy said "If Banner rebuilds his machine and makes it work, your reign of chaos will be over. I can prevent that from happening"
"Still, I wouldn't need your help" Discord pointed out "I can spy on them and sabotage their machines all by myself"
"But is that what you want to do? Keep an eye on them constantly?" Natashy asks "Wouldn't you rather spend your time, I don't know, turning castles into pancakes? With me on your side, you can spread all the chaos you want without ever having to worry about them. I'll tell you everything. And let's stop kidding ourselves. You're Discord. Having someone stirring up things from the inside is something that obviously appeals to you"
"You know what else appeals to me? Feelings of betrayal" Discord said "So, what's stopping me from telling them that you betrayed them by proposing your deal?"
"What would you gain with that?" Natashy rebutted without missing a beat "Stark and Banner don't trust me. Stark more so. Telling them of my betrayal wouldn't make him feel betrayed. It would only make him even more full of himself with a 'told ya' attitude. They'll just kick me off the group and you would lose your eyes and ears among them. Also, they would deduce the machine blowing up was my fault, they would rebuilt it, and, well, you know the rest"
"I gotta admit, Ms. Romanoff, I'm impressed" Discord said "You have been here less than half a day and already decided to turn on them…"
"Wouldn't be the first time I changed sides" Natashy replied "My loyalty is very flexible"
"Even then, betraying your friends like that" Discord smiled "A little cold, huh?"
"They're not my friends" Natashy states matter-of-factly "Stark is a conceited imbecile that deserves whatever misfortune befalls him. Banner is a rabid animal that needs to be put down. And Thor and his people are the reason we're all in this mess to begin with. I don't like any of them and could care less about what happens to them"
"Uh-huh" Discord says with a playful smile "And what about the other one? The speeches guy?"
"I… respect Captain Rogers" Natashy admitted "But he's a relic from the past. The world has no use for him anymore and, honestly, I don't think Rogers has anything to come back to as well"
"And what about Twilight and her friends?" Discord smiled "It doesn't bother you that you'll be dooming them to be trapped forever in your world? A world that you just said was filled with war, death, and lies?
"Once again: Not my friends. Don't care about them"
Discord stares at Natashy's eyes, trying to see if she's bluffing, but all he sees is unfeeling coldness.
"You're serious…" Discord said "You're aware that if I agree with this deal, and you get your 'new life', you'd still be Fluttershy, right? That's what everypony will believe you to be and who you'll have to pretend to be for the rest of your life"
"I've been Natalia Romanova, Natalia Shostakova, Natalie Rushman, Nancy Rushman, Yelena Belova, Nadine Roman, Laura Matthers, among many, many others" Natashy replied "My entire life, all my 'lives', have been nothing but lies. I think I can handle it"
"You know something, Ms. Romanoff? I like you" Discord grinned
"Do we have a deal?" Natashy asked
"Oh, yes, we have a deal!" Discord shook her hoof, laughing "So return to your fellow ponies, my little spy. Impress me"
Natashy smiled, nodded, and turned around
"тупица"
"What was that?" Discord asks
"I said you won't be disappointed" Natashy said, smirking as she trotted away
Author's Note
The "Love Triangles Suck" song's melody was partially based on "Part Of Your World" from Disney's The Little Mermaid.
Subconsciously based.
Like, seriously, I haven't watched The Little Mermaid in, like, forever! The only song I remembered was "Under The Sea". So, one day I woke up humming what would become the "Love Triangles Suck" song that y'all read in this chapter. I've spent weeks writing this song (which is responsible for the delay in this chapter which caused me to break the promise I made in the previous chapter. Mental Note: Never make promises again), humming a melody that, as far as I knew, I had just made up.
So, as fate would have it, just a few days ago, I decided to buy The Little Mermaid Soundtrack and listened to it.
When the chorus of "Part Of Your World" came up, I was like: 'Wait a fucking minute... WHAT THE FUCK?!'
This made me paranoid. I'm starting to wonder how many of my 'original' ideas aren't ripped off from something I saw/listened to as a child and somehow forgot about it.
I should note, though, that only the chorus is influenced by "Part Of Your World". The rest of the song follows a different melody that (I hope) is not a rip off of anything else.
"Where there is discord, may I bring harmony" – Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
CHAPTER ONE
A STARK RAINBOW
A magical rainbow beam shoots towards the skies, it builds momentum, and then plummets back down in the direction of a dragon-shaped creature, the beam run circles around the panicking creature as it hopelessly tries to get way. The colorful beams of light begin to involve the body of its misfortunate victim, slowly turning it into stone, as the poor bastard gives one last look of horror, a look that will be permanently frozen on his new stone prison. Unable to close his eyes, the creature sees himself doomed to forever watch the world he would never be a part of. Unable to move. Unable to die. Unable to scream.
'Twas the merciless, cold embrace of friendship.
"Alright! We did it!" cheerfully claims the purple unicorn, the leader of the bunch. Her name was Twilight Sparkle, she was the dedicated pupil of Princess Celestia, the supreme sovereign ruler of the land of Equestria who, despite that, still called herself a princess, not a queen as to not aggravate Princess Luna, her sister, whose inferiority complex already caused her to go full psycho once.
Luna was cured by the same thing that petrified the doomed creature: the Elements of Harmony, six magic jewels that were able solve any kind of problem no matter what. From curing personality disorders to imprisoning omnipotent gods, the Elements have always presented illogical, variable, unpredictable, but still, constantly satisfactory results. The Elements, however, could only work on three conditions: 1) They have to be used together; 2) They have to be used by ponies that embody the particular element they're wearing; and 3) Whoever they are, they need to be true friends, as the Elements are powered by friendship.
Twilight didn't always believe in the power of friendship, in fact, she used to have disdain for all forms of social interaction and an irrational aversion in being called a friend like she was some kind of "friendophobic". Because of that, Princess Celestia sent her to Ponyville against her will, so she would make friends and save the world. Also, being a happier pony, but that was secondary. Ever since then, Twilight writes weekly friendship reports to the princess, telling her of all the valuable lessons she learned that week. Stuff like: "Never judge a book by its cover", "Listen to your friends", "Chew with your mouth shut", and other things that everypony else already learned in kindergarten, but not her, thanks to her socially reclusive and emotionally unhealthy upbringing. She handles it pretty well, though.
The young Ms. Sparkle turns back to look at her friends, the same ones that she made on her first day in Ponyville just in time to stop Nightmare Moon, friends who just happen to be an exact number of six, two of each pony class, and being embodiments of the Elements of Harmony. You call it contrived coincidence, we call it fate! There they were:
Applejack. An Earth Pony. The hard-working farm girl. She's the Element of Honesty, because she's a shitty liar.
Fluttershy. A Pegasus. The delicate, shy animal lover. She's the Element of Kindness, because she's always gentle, loving, and friendly to all animals and ponies, except when she isn't.
Pinkie Pie. The other Earth Pony. The Happy-Go-Lucky Gal. She's the Element of Laughter, because that's a thing. She's not crazy, she's just happy. And she can warp reality at random.
Rarity. A Unicorn. The classy, "looks matter" fashion lover, high-class aspirant. She's the Element of Generosity, because writers think it's clever to challenge other's preconceived notions about attributes they normally associate with shallowness and superficiality.
Rainbow Dash. The other Pegasus. The Jock Girl. She's the Element of Loyalty, because she's extremely loyal to her friends, her princess, and her ego.
And, finally, her, Twilight Sparkle. The other Unicorn. The studious bookworm. She's the Element of Magic, because everything else was taken.
Twilight was lucky to have such wonderful and archetypal friends.
"Yay! We defeated the big meanie!" Pinkie Pie said, gleefully "You know what this calls for? A party!"
"Easy there, sugar cube!" Applejack replied "Discord turned this whole town upside down…"
"Literally" Rainbow Dash remarked
"…we need to make sure that everything is in order before we do anything else"
"Applejack is right! We need to split up and check the whole area from the main square to the Sweet Apple Acres" said Twilight "You find anything strange, you call the others. Okay Rarity I think you should start with—"
"Twilight! Twilight!" Spike the Dragon yelled, carrying a letter in one of his hands. Spike was a dragon that was hatched from his egg by Twilight herself when she was a little filly and, since then, has always been at her side, helping her with anything that she needed. Twilight has never considered him a friend though, because if she had, then she would already know what friendship feels like years before she got to Ponyville, and Princess Celestia's whole point in sending her there would be moot. "Twilight! The Princess sent another… ugh… letter congratulating you for… ugh… defeating Discord. I think I'm gonna throw up…"
"Wow! The news spread fast!" Twilight said taking the letter off of Spike's hand using her magic. She quickly reads over the letter that the Princess wrote from the comfort and security of her castle, the same place from where she sent back all the friendship reports that Twilight have send her (which probably caused severe damage on Spike's health. They need an alternate form of communication) so Twilight would remember what she was fighting for.
Even though the Elements of Harmony were no longer, well, in harmony with her, you would assume that Princess Celestia, one of the most powerful ponies alive, would try to be physically beside her favorite pupil to give support in that time of crisis, but she was too busy doing princess stuff like arranging a boring formal party that she hates, dealing with a pest problem in Fillydelphia, and other stuff that are clearly more important and deserving of attention than a vengeful, malicious and all-powerful entity that is hellbent in bring chaos and misery to everything and everypony in its path.
"Girls, Princess Celestia is inviting us for a 'Thank You' ceremony in our homage!"
"We are going to Canterlot?" Rarity asked "I can't believe it! That's wonderful!"
"But… We've just been in Canterlot this morning…" Fluttershy remarks
"So?"
"Uh… Twilight?" Rainbow Dash interrupts "My necklace was supposed to be pulsing like this?"
Twilight and the other ponies turn their attention to Dash's necklace, the one which held her Element of Loyalty which just happened to have the exact same shape as her Cutie Mark (a symbolic image that appears on the flank of every pony as soon as they find their reason of being) just like all the other Elements had the exact same shape as the Cutie Marks of their owners, because magic.
The lightning-shaped red gem was glowing on and off like a red alert sign "Huh… I don't think that—" was all Twilight was able to say before a blinding burst of red light emanated from the jewel. The red light completely took over the city, before receding back to the necklace and disappearing like nothing happened.
"Wow…" said Pinkie Pie "Do it again!"
"What in darnation was that?" asked Applejack
"I don't know…" Twilight said, rubbing her eyes "We may ask Princess Celestia tomorrow. Are you alright, Rainbow Dash?"
"Yeah… I guess…" Dash answered, dizzy
"You know… You can sit the search out and rest if you want to…"
"Are you kidding?" said Dash "I completely abandoned you guys earlier on the maze! You all had to put up with a lot more than I did today, and you're all probably a lot more tired than I am, so no, there's no way I'm walking out of this one"
Twilight smiled. It was so good to have the old Rainbow Dash back. "Okay, then. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, you two check the Sweet Apple Acres. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will check Cloudsdale while Rarity and I check the outskirts near the Everfree Forest. After we all make sure that everything is alright, we meet up here and search the town together for anything strange. Okay? Let's go!"
The six friends searched the vicinities thoroughly for anything strange and/or chaotic. Once they were sure everything was the way it should be, they met at Sugar Cube Corner to celebrate and restore their energies. After eating, Rainbow Dash wished everypony a goodnight and flew to a soft, fluffy cloud for a good night of sleep. Today was a tough day and Celestia knows how tomorrow's gonna be, so Dash closes her eyes waiting for the wonders that dreamland will bring her…
"Good morning, sir"
"Just a few more minutes…" Rainbow Dash mumbles, rolling in bed "Wait!" she says, suddenly awake "Who's there?"
"Very funny, sir" the voice answers "Taking the physical and mental exhaustion caused by yesterday's battle into consideration, I decided to delay your wakeup call for two hours. Have I made the right decision?"
"What? I… Who are you? Where are you?" Dash takes a look around the room she finds herself in: a wide white bedroom that seemed fancy, but empty. One of the walls was made of glass and through it she could see the many unbelievably tall and dull-colored buildings of an enormous city. Everything seemed disturbingly alien, cold, and soulless. "Where am I?" she shouts, placing her hooves on her head "Where in Celestia's name am I?!" Dash was suddenly aware of two things: One, her voice didn't sound like her voice, in fact, it sounded rather masculine, and Two, her hooves didn't feel like her hooves. They were not blue, but a pale pink and had five meaty sticks coming out of each. She freaked out. "What happened to me?! What's going on?!"
"I see…" the voice says "I should have delayed it for three hours, then."
"Where are you?" Dash shouts angrily at the ceiling "Show yourself, you coward, and say what you have done to me!"
"Quite frankly, sir, I'm beginning to get worried" the voice answered "I'm calling Ms. Potts"
"And I'm supposed to be afraid of that?" Dash replied defiantly.
But there was no answer. The sudden silence made dash uneasy (more uneasy, that is). She nervously scanned the room, expecting a ninja to sneak upon her for a surprise attack. Her eyes rested upon the large door in front of her. She ponders if she should open it, try to make a run of it. She looks both sides before taking the first step…
The door opens. From it, enters some… thing. It stood on two very tall legs, was very skinny, had small eyes, two freakishly long arms, and its mane was orange-blonde. The thing spoke:
"Tony, what's wrong? Jarvis said—"
"Argh! What kind of hideous creature are you?" Dash shouts, horrified.
The thing took a step back, clearly offended. "Tony, that's not funny!"
"I'm afraid he's not joking, Ms. Potts" the voice said "I've made some preliminary checks on Mr. Stark's brainwaves and they do not fit"
"What do you mean, Jarvis?"
"Jarvis? Did you just call it by a name?" Dash says "So, you're allied with the ghost, huh? Well, you two are never gonna get me alive!" Dash hops in the air, trying to fly, but falls and faceplants on the floor. "What the—? My wings! What have you monsters done to my wings?!" she cries.
"Jarvis, can you produce an anti-psychotic?" Potts asks the voice.
"On it, Ms. Potts"
"Who are you calling psychotic?" Dash protested while Potts tried to hold her steady "Take your filthy hooves off of me!"
"Jarvis! Hurry!"
"It's ready Ms. Potts" Jarvis said as a case with a syringe slid off the wall. Ms. Potts grabbed the syringe, ready to administrate it on Dash "This is for your own good, Tony"
"No! Stop! Stay away!" Dash cried as the needle hit her vein "Somepony help! Twilight! Applejack! Flutrblghr…." She mumbled as the medicine took effect. And Rainbow Dash doze off back to slumberland.
Author's Note
MARVEL FUN FACTS:
Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. was the codename of the S.H.I.E.L.D./NASA joint facility for the study of the Tesseract and "Dark Energy". The "PROJECT PEGASUS" name can also be seen branded on the side of one of Howard Stark's crates that Tony receives in Iron Man 2.
P.E.G.A.S.U.S. stands for Potential Energy Group: Alternate Sources, United States.
Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. debuted in Marvel Two-In-One #42 in August, 1978
CHAPTER 4
ANIMOSITY IS SCIENCE
Twilight has never felt so good.
There she was with all her friends (Well, two thirds of all her friends), ready to travel to Canterlot to receive a homage for defeating Discord. After all they went through yesterday, they more than deserved a break. But the important thing is that they were together, back to normal, and their friendship was stronger than ever.
"Hey, Twilight" Spike the Dragon said
"Yes, Spike?" Twilight replied
"When are we gonna remove Discord from our backyard?" Spike points outside the window at the petrified villain half-covered in moss and bird poop.
"Oh. Well, I'm sure that Princess Celestia will be sending somepony to take it back to the Canterlot Gardens when our chariots arrive"
"Speaking of which" Rarity chimes in "Where are the girls? I, I mean, we don't want to be late"
"I'm sure Rainbow Dash and Pinkie will be arriving very soon…"
As if on cue, the door of the library suddenly bursts open which sends Fluttershy hiding behind a table "NOW we're in 'Twilight's Zone'!" Pinkie shouts as Tony Stark in Rainbow Dash's body (Rainbow Stark) falls in the floor.
"Oh, fuck me" he says as the surprised ponies approach them.
"Pinkie, what is wrong with—?"
"Twilight!" Pinkie shouts "You gotta help! Rainbow Dash doesn't remember me! She doesn't remember how to fly! She fell from the clouds, and hit her head! Now she thinks her name is Pony Spark! I tried to say it isn't, but she won't listen!"
"Calm down, Pinkie, calm down" Twilight says "Rainbow Dash, are you alright?"
Stark looks at the purple unicorn, studying her face for a few seconds before answering
"I'm swell" Stark said with a smirk "What about you, Juniper Lee?"
"Juniper Lee?" Twilight asks confused
"See?" Pinkie says
"Rainbow Dash, you don't remember me?" Twilight asks "It's me, Twilight Sparkle"
"Twilight Sparkle? Really?" Stark asks with a chuckle "Is that because your body glows in the sun like Robert Pattinson's?"
"What?"
"Look, you are all very cute, but I really need to wake up and go home now" Stark says "So, if I may…"
"You ain't going anywhere" Pinkie blocked the door "Twi! Do something!"
"Rainbow Dash!" Applejack shouted "I'm sure you think this is all very funny, but we don't have time for your jokes! The Princess' chariots will be here any minute to pick us up, so we need to be ready and that goes for you too!"
"Cute, you remind me of Pepper" Rainbow Stark said "You even have her freckles! I'm gonna call you Pepper Jr."
"Rainbow Dash is acting really weird" Fluttershy tells Twilight "Do you think she's still under the spell of Discord?"
"I'm not sure…" Twilight says "She's not acting like she did when she was, besides, she's not getting grayer"
"Well, I don't know about grayer, but I definitely got a little gayer" Rainbow Stark says "Will you hallucinations let me go now?"
Twilight frowns "Whatever it is, she's not being herself… Don't worry, girls. I will bring her back" Twilight's horn lights up.
"Whoa! …the hell?" Stark says, surprised, as Twilight touch his chest with her horn.
After a little twinkle, Twilight lifts her head, smiling "Now, you remember"
Stark looks both ways "Ooookaaaay…. I remember what?"
Twilight looks confused "I… but… Let me try again" Twilight touches Stark with her horn again, and then stares at him, waiting for a reaction.
"Are you done?" Stark asks, bored
"I don't understand!" Twilight says "This usually works!"
"Hmm. Déjà vu" Stark says "Look, I would love to quip about your performance issues, but I already did that to another guy and I don't like to recycle material"
Twilight looks frustrated until she gets an idea. Using her magic, she teleports all her reports over Stark's head "Hey, how did you…?"
"Read this!" Twilight tells him "When I forgot about how wonderful my friends were, Princess Celestia sent me these to remind me. It will do the same to you"
Stark shots her an annoyed look. Is this how his subconscious looks like? He's disappointed. Finally, he shrugs and read the letters.
"So" Twilight asks when he finishes reading the last one "Got anything?"
"Yeah, diabetes" Stark says "Look, I don't know who you are, but…"
"ARGH!" Twilight screams frustrated "I'm Twilight Sparkle! I live here in the library, because I'm very studious! That's Pinkie Pie, she's upbeat and parties a lot! Applejack works at the Sweet Apple Acres! Rarity makes dresses! Fluttershy takes care of the animals! And YOU are Rainbow Dash! Likes to fly, likes to compete, likes to win! WE'RE BEST FRIENDS!" Twilight puffs "You… Do you remember any of that?"
Rainbow Stark stares at her for a few seconds, before rubbing his temple "Oh, fuck… there's no way I'm making this up… This is real… Unreal… Look, I… I don't know how to say this, but… No. I don't remember any of that. Because there's nothing to remember. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not Rainbow Stash"
"Rainbow Dash!" Applejack yells
"Yeah, that" Stark replies
"I told ya already. This is no time for ya pranks!"
"I'm serious!" says Stark "I have no idea what happened or what's going on, but yesterday I was a man who went to bed on his penthouse, today I woke up as blue, winged horse on a cloud. There are so many things wrong with that last part that my brain is still processing it. I'm not your friend. I may look like her, but I'm not her. As a matter of fact, I'm not even a her, I'm a him"
"So, your name really is Pony Spark?" Pinkie asked
"No, my name is not Pony Spark"
"But you said your name was Pony Spark" Pinkie replies, suspicious
"No, I didn't, Tinkie Tie"
"Is this possible?" Rarity asks Twilight
"I don't know" Twilight answers lifting some random book off the shelves "There may be something about body exchanges somewhere around here, but I don't know. I've never heard about anything like this outside of Pony Tales."
"Couldn't you use the Elements to bring her back?" Spike asks
"Hey, what are you supposed to be?" Rainbow Stark asks Spike, noticing him for the very first time
"I'm a dragon"
"A dragon?" Stark asks "So… shouldn't you be, like, trying to eat them or something?"
"What?! No!" Spike says, shocked "I don't eat ponies, I eat gems"
"I'm very tempted to go back to my 'I'm high' theory right now" Stark says, more to himself than anything else.
"We can't use the Elements, Spike" Twilight answers him "We need everypony for them to work, and Rainbow Dash's not here, so her element won't…! HER ELEMENT!"
All the ponies and Stark turn their heads to Twilight. "Her Element! Of course, how could I be so stupid? That red burst of light of yesterday... That is the cause of this!"
Stark now remembers yesterday's Unibeam and how it seemed to collide with a 'red burst of light'. Things are starting to make sense… kind of…
"The Elements can do that?" Fluttershy asks
"I don't know" Twilight answers, quite frustrated. She hated not knowing things, and today was surpassing her quota of 'un-knowledge', and it wasn't even noon! "Let's be honest, nopony really knows exactly what the Elements can or can't do… except, maybe… Spike! Take note"
Spike diligently grabbed his pen and paper, ready to transcribe Twilight's letter.
"Oh, so you're like her secretary, or something?" Stark asks Spike
"Spike does everything I ask him" Twilight answers "He writes my letters, he cleans the library, he organizes the books, and he makes sure that everything that was needed to be done was done" Spike gives a look of proud satisfaction
"Oh, so he's your Jarvis" Stark says, turning to Spike who doesn't look so proud anymore "I'm gonna call you Jarvis Jr."
"What's with ya callin' everypony 'Junior'?" Applejack asks
"That's right! I forgot about you, Pepper Jr.! Now I just need a Rhodey Jr. and a Happy Jr. and the whole gang will be here"
"Oh, oh" Pinkie says, waving her hoof around "I wanna be Happy Jr.!"
"Sorry, but you're too happy to be Happy" Stark answers
"Aw…" Pinkie moans
"And by the way" Stark says to Applejack "I'm not calling every pony 'Jr.', you're the only pony I have called that. He's a dragon"
"Yeah, but… we use 'pony' for everypony 'round here" Applejack explains
"Really? Don't you think that's a little racist?"
"What's 'racist'?"
"As I was saying" Twilight interrupts, irritated "Spike, take note: 'Dear Princess Celestia, I'm sorry to inform you that the celebration you generously arranged on our behalf will need to be postponed. Rainbow Dash is not being herself, and we suspect it may have something to do with her Element. Do you know anything about the Elements that could allow a pony to become somepony or something else? If not, do you know if anything else could do it? We will try to solve everything regardless of your reply. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.' That's it, Spike. You can send it" Spike nods, rolls the letter, and burns it with his breath.
"You wrote all that just to burn it? Why? She didn't pay you this month?"
"This is how we deliver letters to Princess Celestia. She must be reading it right now" Twilight explains
Stark blinks. He opens his mouth and then closes it. He opens it again, and then closes again. Finally he says "So… We're just gonna wait now?"
"Uh… yes"
"Sorry, no offense, I'm sure Princess Bubblegum is a very wise monarch, but I don't take backseats. I'm a proactive kind of guy" Stark says
"But we can't do anything!" Twilight said "We don't know anything about the Elements"
"I know everything about elements" Stark said smugly "I created one in my garage. I'm a genius, did I forgot to mention that?"
"Oh, really?" Twilight says, unimpressed "So, I guess the genius here would know what the six Elements of Harmony are, right?"
Rainbow Stark's face loses its smugness "Uh… yeah, of course… the six… Elements of Harmony? Yeah, uh… Air, Fire, Water, Earth, Heart and... the Element of Surprise?"
"No" now it was Twilight's turn to look smug "Honesty, Loyalty, Kindness, Generosity…"
"…Abstinence and Civic Duty. Got it"
"…Laughter and Magic!" Twilight concludes, irritated "Now, I hope the 'genius' won't mind, but I'll wait the reply of somepony who actually knows what she's talking about"
"'Laughter and Magic'? We had a guy who did magic and liked to laugh back in my world, harmony wasn't his thing"
Before Twilight could answer, Spike burps Princess Celestia's reply.
"Yuck!" Rainbow Stark says, disgusted "You're gonna touch that?"
Twilight just shoots him an annoyed look before reading "'To my dedicated student Twilight Sparkle, I'm sorry to hear about your problems, but I'm afraid I don't know about any spells that would allow such a thing. If the Elements of Harmony really caused one of your friends to turn into somepony else, it's unprecedented and there's little I can help with. However, I deeply believe that my favorite pupil will find a solution like you always did. Princess Celestia'"
"In short: 'Fuck you, you're on your own'" Stark quips "Look, I know I don't know much about the 'Elements of Harmony', but trust me, I'm a fast learner. I can help you and I want to solve this as much as you do. Do you have any kind of space that could serve as a workshop, you know, someplace with computers, microscopes, or anything that was made after the 17th century?"
"Twi has some fancy looking machines on the basement" Pinkie says
"Great! But I will still need some materials… Excuse me" Stark says, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen. He starts to write but stops, looking at his hoof "I'm holding a pen… with a hoof… no fingers… You know what? I'm not gonna question it" He goes back to his list, checking twice to see if he didn't miss anything.
"I need to use your fax" Stark said, moving towards Spike
"My what?" Twilight asked
"How do you input the address on this thing?" Stark asks while pressing Spike's face
"Hey! Quit it!" Spike says, annoyed
"Your fax is broken" Stark tells Twilight
"MY NAME IS NOT FAX!" Spike yells
"Shut up, Jarvis Jr." Stark says "Do you have any post office on this town? You know, mail? That doesn't involve magic fire?"
"You want a tour?" Pinkie asks, excited "I wanna do it! I wanna do it! Let me do it"
"Great idea, Pinkie" Twilight says, looking for any excuse to get rid of whoever was inside Rainbow Dash for just a few minutes "You may escort… uh…"
"Stark. Tony Stark"
"…Stark through Ponyville. Show her, sorry, him everything, and help him with his list, mail, and… well, whatever"
"That will be so much fun!" Pinkie hops with glee "Follow me, Pony Stark"
"After you, Tinkie Pie"
"What a rude little…" Applejack says, after the two ponies left the library "Ya know, he kind of reminds me of a snob cousin of mine from the Orange side of the family who lives in Manehattan. His name was Mandarin, I think. I betcha he and Stark would get along really well"
"I'm sorry, girls" Twilight says "It seems we won't be going to Canterlot any time soon"
"We understand, dear" Rarity says "Let's hope we'll find a way to bring Dash back"
The ponies give their goodbyes to Twilight and go back to their homes. Twilight and Spike search through all the books of the library for something, anything that could help them understand what exactly is going on and what they should do. The research proves fruitless as Spike grows tired and Twilight frustrated. They barely noticed that three hours had passed and that Pinkie and Stark were just arriving back to the library.
"…but that was before the pickle sandwich exploded" Pinkie tells Stark "And that was how Equestria was made"
"You lost me after flying competition in Cloudsdale" Stark replies
"Oh, hi Twi" Pinkie says, looking at the piles of books covering the floor "Redecorating?"
"Let me guess" Stark says "You didn't found anything"
"No" Twilight confesses "What about you?"
"Well, after Cotton Candy Hair here took me all over the place, I managed to find a hardware store. They didn't have everything, this being middleagesville…"
"Ponyville" Pinkie corrected
"…well, as I was saying…" Stark tries to continue, but a grey, winged pony flies past him, colliding against the library wall, holding a big box.
"You got mail!" Derpy says
"Well, that was fast. Color me impressed" Stark says
Twilight takes the box from Derpy who flies away "Wow, that's heavy!"
"Yeah, that's for me" Rainbow Stark says, grabbing the box
"Excuse me" Twilight says, holding the other side of the box "But this is addressed to me, see? 'To: T.S.'"
"Yes, 'To Tony Stark'" Stark says, pulling the box to him
"No. To Twilight Sparkle!" Twilight says, pulling the box back to her
"Tony Stark!" Stark pulls the box
"Twilight Sparkle!" Twilight pulls back
"Tony Stark!"
"Twilight Sparkle!"
"TONY STARK!"
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"
"Tony Starkle! Twilight Spark! Tara Strong!" Pinkie cheerfully chimed in
"Look, Stark" Twilight said, irritated "It doesn't matter how you're called back where you're from. Here, you're not 'TS'. Here, you're 'RD'"
"Yeah, RD Junior" Spike says with a smirk
Rainbow Stark shoots a 'Really?' look to Spike before turning to Twilight "Look, Sparkle. It doesn't matter how I'm called anywhere. This is for me. I ordered it to be delivered here from the hardware store. It's my tools, see?" Stark opens the box, showing an assortment of lab tools.
"Oh… uh, sorry" Twilight says, embarrassed.
"It's okay" Stark says "You're paying for it, after all"
"WHAT?!"
"I told them to put in your tab. I don't have any money here, and I deduced you'd have plenty since you're close friends with the royalty" Stark explains, carrying his box towards the basement "Besides, I will pay you back if you ever visit my dimension. I'm rich, fid I forgot to mention that?"
Twilight just looks incredulously at the audacity, as Rainbow Stark carries the box down the basement.
"Also, I would like if you, Mushu, and the rest of the Care Bears would meet me down here in two hours if possible" Stark shouts down from the basement.
Twilight sighs. This will be a long day.
Author's Note
Author's Notes: Just watched Iron Man 3. Twice.
I know he's become quite controversial, but, personally, I LOVED Trevor Slattery. Those who watched the movie will know who I'm talking about.
Also, Gary needs Tony. Stan Lee beauty pageant judge. "We're connected". Hot Pepper (figurativelly and litearally).
Stay after the credits for Not That Kind of Doctor.
Hey everyone.
So as you can probably tell from the word count, this isn't an actual update... It's actually an announcement... kind of. Here's the problem.
See, when I started this story, I didn't know what to expect on Fanfiction. Being I was pretty new to writing, and somehow I managed to have a not-so-shit story. So, years pass, I start going on hiatus'. Now, I sent all my chapters from Fanfiction to Fimfiction... I managed to make an extra chapter, but I'm not so sure I can do this anymore.
Why do I say that? Ehm, well, as you probably have heard I've been having some shitty computer problem. I don't exactly have a top-notch machine, ya'kno. But that's not the main reason. (I mean, I'm writing this now, aren't I?) No no, the problem is... I don't think I like MLP anymore.
I mean, after waiting so long for season 5 to come out, after it finally came around... I didn't like the show anymore. It just felt, well, boring.
I don't know if I will continue this. And no, this doesn't mean its Cancelled, just give me some time. I may get back into the show if I give it another try. For now, call this a much longer break. Besides, there's plenty of good stories on here. Personally, I'm more of a fan of HiE, but you get the point.
TL;DR: Having problems, and don't like MLP anymore.
Gbai, m8's
