Chapters Everything I've Ever Wanted
“C-C-C-COLD!”
Twilight Sparkle hugged herself tightly. There wasn’t much wind, but it was still far too cold to be comfortable. She never thought she’d so miss having fur.
OKAY NOTE TO SELF BAD IDEA TO GO FROM WARM TOASTY CASTLE TO OUTDOOR HIGH SCHOOL FRONT ENTRANCE WITHOUT WINTER CLOTHES!
Twilight ran through the snow towards the main door. She pushed against the glass, but it didn’t budge.
LOCKED?!
Twilight peered through the glass into the hallway.
Empty.
Twilight quickly ducked back into the portal and pulled a leather-bound journal with a bright sunburst embroidered on the cover from its place above the mirror. She opened it to the last page and frantically scribbled into it.
Help I was in your world and the school is closed and I didn’t see any students anywhere!
It gnawed at her that she didn’t start with “Dear Sunset Shimmer ” or end with “Your Friend, Twilight Sparkle, ” but in her agitated state she had inscribed the message of immediate importance without formalities. She galloped to her room with the journal in order to retrieve some warm clothes, but after a few minutes without a response, she began to panic again.
Did something happen to Sunset Shimmer and the girls? Did they close the school because of all the weird stuff that’s been happening because of my crown? What if…
“BZZZZT BZZZZZZT”
The stream of ridiculous ideas her imagination was conjuring was fortunately interrupted by the buzzing of the book vibrating in her magic. She opened it again and right under her previous message was a reply from Sunset Shimmer.
School’s closed for Winter Break. I’m at the café across the street with Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Come join us, we’re having cocoa and coffee.
“…Well I suppose that makes way more sense,” said Twilight to herself.
***
“…so Sciencey-Twilight is settling in just fine with everyone but she’s not here right now because she’s gone back home to the city to visit her family during Winter Break and so she can’t help you since she probably brought her pony-magic-collecting thingy with her! Also, Applejack is busy at Sweet Apple Acres and Rainbow has gone home to Cloudydale, so it was going to be just the four of us for about a week which is why it’s so cool that Pony-Princessey-Twilight dropped by so we can all hang out!”
Twilight Sparkle frowned slightly at Pinkie’s explanation. “Well I guess that explains why no-one was here when I came though the portal. I was a little worried when the whole place looked deserted. I’m lucky Sunset Shimmer was carrying her book around or I would never have been able to find you girls.”
Sunset Shimmer grinned. “I’ve been keeping it with me ever since the Battle of the Bands. I always want to read any replies you send me right away.”
Twilight smiled, blushing slightly. “I look forward to your messages too. I really should have written before I came. Without the other Twilight’s device I’m not sure how I can detect the residual Equestrian magic in the school. I can’t use my own magic here and I don’t want to bring any other magical tools from Equestria in case they only make things crazier here than they already are.”
Twilight was hoping to discover exactly why there were still odd magical incidents occurring near Canterlot High and how much of that magic still remained. She had been looking forward to discussing the matter with her human counterpart, but it seemed like that would have to be put off until the school vacation period ended.
Rarity leaned back, foam cup in both hands, and sipped her cocoa. “Twilight dear, are you absolutely sure that we aren’t just sensitive to magic that your crown is somehow pouring back through the portal?”
“Yeah, like a Wi-Fi signal!” chipped Pinkie Pie.
“What's a Wi-Fi signal?” asked Twilight. She shook her head. “Never mind, forget it. I didn’t detect enough magic flowing through the portal to cause all the weird stuff that happened during the Battle of the Bands and the Friendship Games, at least when I measured it from the other side. It was one of the first things I checked. Anyway, I don’t exactly have my crown anymore.”
“WHAT?” yelled all her friends in unison.
“It’s nothing bad! We had to put the Elements back into the Tree of Harmony - which is where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna found them a thousand years ago when they needed them to beat a spirit of chaos called Discord.”
“I studied magical history extensively and I’ve never heard of a Tree of Harmony,” said Sunset Shimmer, one eyebrow raised. “All the books I’ve read on Discord and the Elements never mentioned it.”
“What kind of tree is it?” asked Fluttershy. “A Tree of Harmony sounds really nice. Is it a giant tree that protects all the animals that live near it?”
Twilight smiled at her friend’s sudden interest. Fluttershy usually loved hearing about the exotic flora and fauna from Equestria. “It’s in the Everfree Forest, and it does actually protect the forest from dark magic! It’s not quite as big as you’d expect a thousand year-old tree to be, but it is very pretty. Little glowing orbs hang off the branches like leaves, and the trunk has Princess Celestia’s, Princess Luna’s and my cutie mark engraved into it. There are also five gems for the other Elements spread amongst the branches. It turns out that the Tree was preventing some evil vines from sprouting and covering the entire forest, but it ran out of magic and-”
A sudden gasp from her immediate right interrupted Twilight. She turned to look.
Sunset Shimmer’s was staring blankly ahead in shock. All the color seemed to have drained out of her face. The girls waited a moment for her to recover, but she didn’t move.
“Sunset, is something wrong?” asked Twilight cautiously.
Sunset didn’t seem to have heard her. Her eyes looked wide, unfocused, and her lips were quivering, silently mouthing a whisper too soft to hear. She began breathing very quickly, almost hyperventilating, and her brow gradually drooped, tears welling in her eyes. It was if a very horrid realization was slowly dawning upon her. The girls started to look concerned for their friend, but before anyone else could speak Sunset Shimmer suddenly realized that all four of them were peering worriedly at her in her distress. Immediately, her face reassembled into an impassive calm. She wiped her eyes and stood up with a slight sniffle, pulling her bag behind her.
“Uh… Excuse me just a while.” She sounded composed, but there was just a tiny edge of control in her voice as she then turned and quickly walked to the restroom. The girls remained silent until the door closed.
“Was she crying?” mouthed Pinkie Pie to Twilight.
“I don’t know. Has… has this happened before? You girls spend way more time with her than I do.”
Rarity’s eyes still hadn’t left the restroom door. “Well, not very often, Twilight. Sunset Shimmer is usually so very self-assured and collected. I can’t remember the last time I saw her cry.”
“Um, I think the last time was after the Fall Formal,” added Fluttershy. It was a hard image to forget. Sunset Shimmer had quickly become the most popular girl in school after she had first arrived at Canterlot High, and spent years afterward bullying and dominating the entire school population. At the Fall Formal all the students had been shocked to see that same Sunset Shimmer crawling out of a ruined crater, whimpering and broken.
“Oh yes, that must have been quite humiliating for her,” recalled Rarity. “Oh! I think she had another breakdown last year, during the Anon-a-Miss incident. We ah, were kind of hard on her, weren’t we?”
Fluttershy gazed down at the table guiltily. “Actually I think she broke down twice, both times in the school hallway. She just knelt there and sobbed for about half an hour while everyone yelled at her.”
Twilight Sparkle looked thoughtful. “I remember her writing to me about that. I didn’t know it was that bad.”
“Well, we were really sorry after that,” said Pinkie. “And then we all got together again to celebrate the holidays, and she was much happier. I think the rest of the school started warming up to new-Sunset later on, too – especially after the Friendship Games! So she’s been pretty cheerful since.”
“I think I’d better go check up on her. She looks like she needs support.” Twilight rose from her seat and headed towards the restroom.
“I’ll come too! Maybe she could use a hug!” exclaimed Pinkie, jumping out of her seat. She attempted to bound after Twilight, but Rarity’s hand held her back.
“Pinkie, I think it might be best if Twilight went in on her own. It seems that whatever is bothering Sunset Shimmer might be related to something back home… her pony home, I mean. Twilight was talking about Equestria – maybe Sunset is homesick. Also, I’m not sure she would be very comfortable with all of us seeing her if…if she’s crying.”
“Oh.” Pinkie sat back down, rapidly deflating. “Well, you’ll tell us if she needs the rest of us to come in and give her a hug, right?”
Twilight Sparkle nodded and opened the restroom door.
***
Sunset Shimmer was not crying.
She closed her eyes, placed both hands on the edge of the washbasin, and drew a long, deliberate breath. She held it momentarily before exhaling and resuming a slow, rhythmic breathing – followed by opening her eyes to check her appearance in the mirror.
Don’t think about it now. There’s time for that later.
She used a paper towel to dry the few remaining droplets in her eyes and then blew her nose. Next came some concealer and eyeliner from her bag, applied under her eyes to cover the mild puffiness. She then straightened her trademark black jacket – that last action gave her the most reassurance, allowing her mind to assume a tranquility to match her now calm visage.
I am not a little filly anymore. My past is not today.
The restroom door creaked. A familiar head of sapphire blue hair with violet and pink streaks, accompanying a face filled with concern, peeked through the gap.
“Sunset, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“We’re all just a little worried about you. You look like you’d seen a ghost.”
“No, I’m fine .” Sunset turned the faucet on and washed her hands. Her icy tone carried a slight tinge of irritation that felt like it could turn into a growl at any moment.
“Are… are you homesick? If you want to go back to Equestria, you know we will always welcome you back. Princess Celestia’s asked me to tell you-”
“I am NEVER going back to Equestria!” snarled Sunset. For just a moment her image reverted into that of the aggressive bully she had once been, causing Twilight to shrink back in surprise. But as soon as the words left Sunset Shimmer’s lips she suddenly wilted, putting a hand on her own forehead and taking another deep breath. “Wait.”
I can’t push my friends away!
“No. No, I’m not fine,” she continued. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. And I’m not homesick. But I don’t wanna talk about it now - I just need to be alone for a while. I promise I’ll explain later, okay? But I’m gonna go home first.”
Twilight nodded. She stepped forward, arms outstretched to hug her friend goodbye, but Sunset stopped her.
“Not right now. Bye, Twilight.”
***
Sunset Shimmer exited the bathroom quickly, giving a half-hearted wave and an equally lukewarm smile to her friends as she strode directly to the exit. She got on her motorcycle and rode away in a hurry. The girls watched her form fade into the distance before turning to Twilight, who slowly exited the bathroom.
Fluttershy broke the awkward silence. “Is she going to be all right?”
“I don’t know,” replied Twilight. “When I asked if she was homesick, she… didn’t respond well. But she says she just needs some time alone and will talk to us when she’s ready.”
Rarity agreed. “Then we’ll just have to give her some space. Perhaps this isn’t as big a matter as it seems.”
Twilight wasn’t so sure about that. She sat down quietly. Something bothered her about the way Sunset Shimmer had reacted.
This seems so unlike Sunset Shimmer. When she ruled the school she had every clique eating out of her hand. She only doubted herself afterwards when literally every student in the school hated her - besides us of course. But then the girls told me how well she handled the Friendship Games, especially with what happened to human-me. Rarity was right. Sunset Shimmer is normally so confident.
She recalled the image of Sunset Shimmer rallying the Rainbooms when they were almost beaten during the Battle of the Bands. Throwing off her jacket, standing defiant against the triumphant, fully powered Sirens, Sunset Shimmer had looked impossibly cool and unshakable.
Wait, why am I dreaming about how awesome she is?
She shook the thought out of her head. She needed to focus on what was happening today. Did Sunset see something that upset her? Or was it something we said? What were we talking about that could have made her react that way?
Let’s retrace what’s happened since I arrived here. I said hi to the girls, and we talked for a while about how the school year has been. Rarity mentioned that she was doing some last minute shopping for gifts; then Fluttershy said that something about… oh yes, that she was spending the holidays with Pinkie Pie’s family since she wasn’t going to visit her parents in Cloudydale. Sunset was telling me that she’s been helping the human version of me adjust to her new school and then I brought up the magic-detecting device which made Pinkie explain why everypony wasn’t around for the winter break. What did we talk about after that?
My crown! The Element of Magic! Was she upset because it reminded her about what happened at the Fall Formal? No, that can’t be right. We’ve talked a lot about it before and Sunset Shimmer’s accepted that. She’s even told me that she was glad how everything turned out. Well, then I told them about the Tree of Harmony and… ah! That’s when it happened. But why would Sunset be upset about the Tree of Harmony? That doesn’t make any sense. Maybe whatever she was upset about wasn’t related to our discussion?
Then Twilight remembered what Sunset Shimmer had said in the restroom.
I am NEVER going back to Equestria!
That was what bothered Twilight the most. This wasn’t the first time she had asked if Sunset Shimmer wanted to return to or visit the land of her birth. She clearly recalled that awkward exchange.
***
“Hey, Sunset… have you ever thought about going back to Equestria?”
Sunset Shimmer shrugged and looked away. “I’m not sure I could face Princess Celestia again after all that’s happened. I must be quite a disappointment to her…”
It was in fact Princess Celestia who had asked Twilight to persuade Sunset to return. Twilight had however been warned not to mention that. Celestia had been afraid it might make Sunset more reluctant to visit.
“I’m pretty sure she’d be happy to see you. Anyway, don’t you want to visit your family again, at least?”
“No.” The speed of her reply made Twilight’s eyes widen in surprise.
Sunset Shimmer noticed Twilight’s reaction. “I wasn’t really close to my… family,” she explained. “Anyway, I’m happy here in my new life and with the friends I’ve made.”
***
That had ended the discussion. Twilight hadn't wanted to pry into Sunset Shimmer's family life.
What about her friends back in Equestria? No, wait. She didn’t understand friendship at all when I first met her.
Also, the way she reacted, that sudden anger and lashing out - it was like touching a raw wound… or maybe an old wound that was reopened? It feels like whatever upset her - hearing about the Tree of Harmony, maybe - is linked to why she doesn’t want to go back to Equestria.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a dull poking sensation from her face. She glanced to her left and noticed Pinkie Pie’s finger prodding her cheek.
“Oh hey, you’re back to reality!” said Pinkie. “You were really quiet for a while there. Didja figure out what’s going on?”
Twilight Sparkle sighed. “Not really. All I’m thinking up are even more questions. Anyway I think I’d better get back. It was really great to see you girls again, but if human-me isn’t around, this trip is kind of a bust. I’ll drop by in a week or so when winter break is over.”
“I suppose we had all better be going,” Rarity smiled. “It was fun catching up, Twilight. Do see if you can come visit more often.”
“Yeah! It’s really awesome to have TWO of you around! Plus it’s hilarious seeing you talking to yourself. Your other self, I mean. Or should that be ‘both of yourselves talking to each other ?’ Anyway, watching the two of you geek out together is so cute!” added Pinkie.
Twilight exchanged hugs with her friends and exited the café, making the short walk back towards the portal. Before she stepped through, her gaze fell on the pathway in front of the statue. It was at that spot that she had her final confrontation with Sunset Shimmer at the Fall Formal. The crater had since been filled and the path rebuilt, but she still remembered how Sunset had grovelled before the whole school, saying that she was sorry and that she never knew there was another way. Twilight felt a sudden pang of regret as she realized how little she knew of the path that Sunset Shimmer had taken to arrive at that point.
I really ought to find out about Sunset Shimmer’s life before the Crystal Mirror , she thought to herself as she stepped through the portal, back into the world from which they had both come.
Everything I've Ever Wanted
Twilight Sparkle was a busy pony princess.
She stared down at a desk covered in paperwork. Two days of diligent effort had whittled the once-towering stacks of papers into the much less intimidating pile that now remained in her “IN” tray. Still, despite her meticulousness, these last few papers refused to be moved to her now overflowing “OUT” tray by sheer headache-inducing tenacity.
She sighed and looked over a request for her signature on a petition already covered with the names of a large number of nobles. It demanded the abolition of the high taxes on personal magically powered devices, citing the fact this placed a disproportionate tax burden solely on unicorns. While this was obviously true, since only unicorns could power them, Twilight was well aware that an overwhelming majority of said magical devices were unnecessary luxury items affordable only by the very rich. She was fairly sure that Princess Celestia had implemented that tax specifically to shift the tax burden away from poorer ponies.
On the other hand, there were persistent rumors in noble society that Twilight had “gone native” in Ponyville after leaving Canterlot and had turned into some sort of secret anti-unicorn “tribe-traitor” - mostly because since her rise to princesshood Twilight had campaigned very hard for the socially disadvantaged. Despite the fact that the inhabitants of the small towns who benefited most from those policies came from all three tribes, the nobles often perceived them as consisting mostly of earth ponies and pegasi. No doubt those rumor-mongers would have a field day if she declined to add her signature to the petition. Their disdainful glares and almost-rude comments during official events were starting to become unbearable.
Ugh. I can’t believe I skipped lunch to deal with nonsense like this.
She had put off dealing with this petition for long enough. It looked like her high-society reputation would just have to take another blow - the money from that tax was unquestionably more important. It didn’t exactly help that Flim and Flam had used one example of such a device to nearly drive Applejack’s family off Sweet Apple Acres.
Maybe I should ask Princess Celestia to raise that tax instead, grinned Twilight inwardly.
Her eyes ran over the work she had yet to complete, but stopped over a richly bound tome with Princess Celestia’s cutie mark embroidered into the cover.
It’s been two days and Sunset Shimmer still hasn’t contacted me. I wonder how she’s doing.
Twilight opened the journal and hoofed through the pages. The majority of the messages were of course regarding studies on magic, making her marvel at how talented Sunset had been even at a young age - easily rivalling Twilight’s own foalhood mastery of the subject and in some areas even surpassing it.
One thing about the messages that struck her as odd was the informal, overly-personal manner in which Sunset wrote. Twilight’s letters to Princess Celestia had always carried the tone of a student to a mentor and friend. While her mentor had adopted the same approach when writing to Sunset Shimmer, the filly’s entries more closely resembled correspondence between pen-pals, including intimate details such as her feelings, thoughts, and dreams. Sunset’s foalhood had been apparently been filled with a great deal of happiness and curiosity.
At the same time there were also discussions over a far more expansive range of topics than what Twilight had experienced under Princess Celestia. Sunset Shimmer’s education had covered statecraft, foreign culture, etiquette, psychology, public speaking, and even advanced interpersonal skills.
Wow, she could probably do better at all this political stuff than me. No wonder she had the whole of Canterlot High wrapped around her finger. I wonder why I didn't get all this training?
The obvious answer came to Twilight almost immediately. The stark truth saddened her a little.
Princess Celestia probably didn’t want things to turn out with me the way they did with Sunset.
As the entries went on they became more and more infrequent, and Sunset Shimmer gradually became more angry and demanding with her teacher. Then finally a large gap in time between Sunset’s last entry and…
…pages and pages of Princess Celestia’s distinctive flowing hornwriting, entreating Sunset to return home. The first one must have been written almost immediately after Sunset Shimmer arrived in the human world.
Dear Sunset Shimmer,
I want you to know that I have already forgiven you. Please do not be afraid to come back to the castle. No matter what happens, I will always consider you my special student.
The portal closes in two days. I hope that you will reconsider and return home before then.
Your Mentor,
Princess Celestia
Twilight skimmed through the later letters. At first they retained the tone of earlier entries, offering forgiveness and reinstatement as her student, but as time passed the messages turned more and more towards self-recrimination and apologies and later still, to frightened and desperate pleading.
I’m not sure I should be reading this. Some of this looks embarrassingly personal for Princess Celestia.
Twilight skipped most of the remaining pages, but at the end she could not help but read the last entry.
My dearest Sunset Shimmer,
I don’t know if you have ever forgiven or will ever forgive me, but I want to tell you again that I am so, so sorry. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of how I could have done things differently.
I wish I had paid more attention when I could still have been there for you. I wish I could have seen how wrong I was back before I could turn down the path that split us. I wish there was some way I could take back everything I said and did that day I drove you away.
I worry about you all the time. I want to believe that the little filly I once held is now all grown up and happy despite all my mistakes. But it’s been so many years and I don’t even know if you’re still alive. If you read this, please, PLEASE at least write SOMETHING so I know you’re okay.
Every day I lower the sun I think of the Sunset that I failed.
I love you and will always love you,
Celestia
It was dated three years prior. Sunset Shimmer had never replied.
***
Twilight closed the journal. The pain in those words was quite evident, but she had known for a while how much Princess Celestia wanted to see her errant student. When Twilight had returned through the mirror after the Fall Formal with her crown, the very first thing Princess Celestia did was to ask her was how Sunset Shimmer fared. It seemed a little strange at the time considering how important her crown had been, but Twilight recalled the relief on her former mentor’s face when told that Sunset was well and with new friends. After the Battle of the Bands and the reopening of the portal, Twilight was asked to persuade Sunset Shimmer to at least visit. But when that offer had been politely declined, Princess Celestia had opted not to pursue it further.
It felt odd that Sunset never wanted to close that final rift between herself and her former teacher, but Twilight had not probed deeper because she saw it as a private matter she had no business going into.
Twilight opened the journal to a new page. She picked up a quill and was about to start with “Dear Sunset Shimmer… ”, but stopped. Writing a full letter seemed silly when there was only one thing she wanted to ask.
How are you doing, Sunset?
Sunset Shimmer’s answer came surprisingly quickly.
I’m feeling a lot better, but I’m still not ready to talk about it. Thanks for caring, though.
Somehow that reply did not relieve Twilight of her concern. She looked at the pile of work she still had to complete. She felt that she really ought to finish it, but she needed a break and reading the journal had filled her with an inexplicable desire to talk to her friend as soon as possible.
Twilight would have to tell Spike not to cook for her. At the time, it seemed that the excursion would be little more than just a quick meal and chat with her friend before coming back home to sleep early. After all, the next day was Hearth's Warming Eve. She would be busy.
Do you want to hang out anyway? We could grab a bite to eat.
There was a much longer pause this time before the reply came.
I’m about to make dinner. But if you like, you can come to my room at the CHS boarding house and I can make extra.
It dawned on Twilight that she had never visited Sunset Shimmer where she lived. It felt like an ideal opportunity to experience a side of Sunset’s life that she didn’t show often.
Sure. I’ll head on over now.
Everything I've Ever Wanted
Twilight Sparkle carefully stepped out of the statue base onto the snow. She looked down at herself and noted with satisfaction that, as expected, the blue sweater, mittens, hat and beige scarf she wore had transformed to fit her human body. She remembered how during her first trip here her saddlebags had similarly turned into a backpack.
Good thing I remembered to wear these. It’s still pretty cold tonight.
Canterlot High was accustomed to having a higher than average number of transferees and exchange students, so most of those who could not afford private housing arrangements were entitled to affordable rooms at a boarding house located not far from the main building. The boarding “house” was in fact a complex of six dormitories, separating students by gender and general age group. The place was largely quiet during the holidays except for the few boarders who elected not to return home to their families.
Twilight found her way to the second floor of a large brick apartment building with a giant letter ‘A’ printed on a metal sign on the side. She opened the door to find a communal living area with sofas, bean bags, a television, magazines and vending machines. A wall lamp bathed the room in a warm yellow light, while rock music played at a low volume from a smartphone hooked up to a small pair of speakers. In the back of the living area, a corridor led to a series of rooms, now darkened by the approaching evening. Off to one side, dressed in a simple t-shirt and comfortable shorts, Sunset Shimmer was bending over a stove in a small kitchen area flanked by dining tables.
“Hey, Twilight.” Sunset didn’t look upset, but didn’t smile either. She walked over and gave her friend a hug. “Hope you like carbonara, ‘cuz that’s what we’re having.”
“Hello Sunset! That sounds lovely. Thanks for making dinner for me, by the way. I’m starving.”
It was good to get out of the cold again. The living area had a central heating system which Sunset Shimmer was happy to turn on despite being the only resident of the floor who remained during the holidays. Nevertheless, because of how empty the place was, the room felt just a little too cold - even if still bearably so. Twilight removed her cold-weather clothing layer and folded the woolly garments neatly into a pile on the table before taking a look around the dormitory.
The first room door had a little plastic sign with Sunset’s cutie-mark printed on it. It had been left open, so Twilight looked in. It was immediately obvious that Sunset had much more space than other boarders. The room was densely furnished with cheap-looking furniture, neatly kept and cleaned except for a large wooden table at the far end of the room strewn with all manner of scientific and electrical equipment. One entire wall was filled with bookshelves packed to capacity, covering mostly scientific and mathematical subjects – it looked like Sunset had more than a passing interest in advanced physics. Next to her small standard-sized bed was a clothing cupboard built into the wall. On it hung a black leather jacket.
“Your room sure is big compared to the others.”
“I kinda blackmailed the administrative staff into letting me have it a long time ago. That room would normally be reserved for visiting teachers or paid tenants. Rainbow Dash gives me flak for keeping it, but I’ve grown attached to my space. She and Fluttershy room together four doors down, by the way. When they’re not away for the holidays, I mean.”
Twilight looked into their room. Unsurprisingly, it was messily filled with empty animal cages and sports equipment. They shared a double-decker bed and the room was so much smaller there was barely enough space to walk around in. No wonder Rainbow Dash felt unhappy about Sunset’s larger living area.
Twilight returned to the dining area and took a seat on the chair nearest the stove.
“Are you here all by yourself right now?”
Sunset Shimmer gently stirred her pot of store-bought creamy vegetarian carbonara sauce. At the same time she was keeping an eye on another larger and flatter pot, containing sticks of spaghetti already softening into the boiling water.
“Mushrooms?” she asked.
“What?”
“Do you want mushrooms? I usually add some mushrooms to the sauce but we can skip that if you don’t like them.”
“Oh! Uh, yes, I’d like those in my pasta.”
“Great.” Sunset proceeded to dump the contents of a cutting board full of already-sliced mushrooms into the sauce. Opening the fridge, she took out a bag of parmesan cheese and sprinkled it liberally over the mixture. Sunset slowly stirred it all together for a few minutes and then tasted it off the wooden spoon. Frowning, she picked up a shaker and added more salt.
Twilight watched curiously at the process.
Does she cook all her own food? I can’t even boil eggs. I think I’d starve if I didn’t have Spike to cook for me.
She made a mental note to give Spike a few extra gems for Hearth’s Warming.
After about fifteen minutes, Sunset Shimmer declared that the food was ready with a casual, “It’s done.” She drained the water from the pasta and separated the noodles onto a pair of plates. Then she gave the sauce a last few stirs and scooped it onto the spaghetti before dumping the pots in the sink and grabbing a pair of metal sporks to begin eating. She handed one to Twilight.
Twilight picked up the spork and tasted the pasta. It was pretty good for a home-cooked meal. She’d eaten at Equestrian state dinners prepared by the finest palace chefs, so it wasn’t even close to the best meal she ever had, but it was still delicious and filling and she found herself enjoying her food immensely.
Sunset Shimmer was eating much more slowly. She watched as Twilight hungrily devoured her spaghetti, but ate quietly herself until she stood up and walked to the fridge.
“Do you want something to drink? There’s some cola or orange soda in here.”
“Oh, uh. A glass of water will be fine.”
Sunset took a can of orange soda from the fridge and poured out a glass of water. She sat back down and took a sip from the can.
“So how’ve the past couple of days been for you?”
“Well… I’ve been really busy. Lots of paperwork, heh.”
Twilight told Sunset about the unicorn petition that had annoyed her so. Sunset listened intently, smirking slightly when she heard about the rumors the nobles were spreading about Twilight.
“Y’know, if you don’t want to sign that petition and also don’t want to reject it, you could just get the Palace civil service to put it to a committee.”
“What? Why would that help?”
Sunset Shimmer grinned as she finished munching on a slice of mushroom. She seemed more animated now, and better resembled her usual self. “The Palace civil service will happily form a committee to research the long term effects of that petition. What’s important is that they’ll take years to finish their report, if ever, and by the time they do, everyone who matters will probably have forgotten about it and moved on. In the meantime you don’t have to sign it and the nobles can’t accuse you of siding against them because putting it to committee looks like you’re doing something about it.”
“That… that’s actually a great idea!”
Sunset Shimmer sucked up another spaghetti noodle, chewing thoughtfully. Then she frowned and said, “That’s not all. Whoever sent you that petition is probably looking to damage you politically. It’s pretty obvious that you’d rather lose face than sign it. So just watch out for whoever’s name is on the envelope that it came in.”
Twilight had not even considered that possibility.
“Gosh, you’re really good at this.”
***
I really should tell her about everything. She’s putting a lot of effort into spending time with me.
Sunset Shimmer sighed silently. Putting up walls was a very hard habit to break.
I can’t. Opening up is so hard. It felt worse than anything else in the world when the whole school saw me crying like a baby. It took me months to recover my confidence and people still don’t really respect me. I want to talk about all my problems so much but I just can’t bring myself to do it. And the fact that it’s Twilight Sparkle just makes it doubly difficult.
Anyway, I don’t need a pity party.
“Gosh, you’re really good at this.”
The compliment made Sunset Shimmer feel a little better. Twilight was a brilliant academic, especially in the magical sciences, not to mention years ahead in understanding friendship, but she still lacked experience in social manipulation and politics. It was one area of expertise that Sunset Shimmer confidently felt her competence exceeded Twilight’s.
Quit moping and thank her for the compliment.
“Thanks.”
Twilight returned the smile.
“So uh… have you been living here all this while?”
“Well... when I first got here I lived on the streets and in homes for runaways. Then Vice-Principal Luna found out about me and arranged for me to stay here while attending CHS’s middle school section. This has pretty much been my home ever since.”
The answer surprised Twilight. She knew Sunset Shimmer had left Equestria at a very young age, but Twilight had never quite connected the dots that it would have meant that Sunset had arrived as a young girl alone in an alien world with only the clothes on her back.
Gosh, she was a little filly with nothing at all and become queen of the school.
“Wait, CHS has a middle school section?”
“Haven’t you noticed all the younger students around? I think Applejack’s and Rarity’s sisters are still attending that level, though I don’t talk to them much. I did spend Hearth’s Warming Eve with all of them last year, though.”
“What about Vice-Principal Luna? Didn't you say she got you a place in this school? Are you two close?”
Sunset Shimmer went quiet. She seemed to be struggling internally with herself for a moment, and then finally replied, “We used to talk a lot. We actually have a lot in common. I think she saw a little bit of herself in me when I was younger – probably still does, really. She’s honestly the person who’s helped me the most since I first got here. I’m pretty sure if it weren’t for her, I probably would have been expelled after… you know.”
“Oh.” Twilight wasn’t sure how to respond. The Luna she knew was a lonely pony Princess who had recently learned to cherish her subjects, but the Luna of this world couldn’t possibly have spent a thousand years banished on the moon.
“What’s she like?”
Sunset sighed. “Well… a lot of what I know about her was told to me in confidence, so I don’t think I should gossip."
"I see. Any harmless secrets?"
"I’ll tell you what I can. Did you know she went through a really long goth phase when she was in her teens?"
Twilight was surprised at first, but then remembered what Nightmare Moon had been like.
"That... actually makes a strange kind of sense."
"Heh, I guess. Anyway... not many people know that she’s Principal Celestia’s sister – and the two of them didn’t get along at all for a long time. When I first enrolled, we were both in a pretty dark place in our lives, and we sorta bonded. She let me get away with a lot of misbehaviour back in the day, but about two years ago I think she and Principal Celestia hashed out their problems, and their relationship’s improved. Which was great for her, but she stopped letting me get away with things and tried counselling me. I… didn’t take it well. I argued with her a lot, and stopped talking to her. I think I started acting out a lot more after that - I mean, with the bullying. Luna was kind of the only confidant I had since I came into this world, and it felt like I had lost my only friend.”
“That must have been really hard… no wonder you were so angry when we first met.”
Sunset smiled sadly. “It wasn’t so bad. You guys really helped me. And it wasn’t the worst friendship problem I ever had to deal with.”
“Gosh, what was?”
“Well… you remember what happened around this time last year?”
“Oh.” Twilight wasn’t sure how to phrase her answer. “I only knew what you wrote to me about, but the girls told me you uh…”
“…Broke down crying in the hallways?”
“…yeah.”
Sunset Shimmer sighed and picked at her food with her spork. “Everyone in the school still hated me, and they honestly had good reason to. Everywhere I went, people would yell at me and some of them said some really nasty things. I remember people telling me to my face that they wished I was dead. I could have handled all that, but what hurt most of all was that the girls, my best friends, wouldn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t the one posting all those awful things about them, and that they didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I – I couldn’t take it. I honestly thought I had lost everything again.”
Twilight Sparkle took hold of Sunset’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. “I… I think I know how you feel. At my brother’s wedding, a changeling queen named Chrysalis replaced Princess Cadance. I figured out something was wrong and I tried to tell everyone but no one believed me. All my friends told me I was overreacting. And when I tried to expose her, everyone – all my friends, Princess Celestia, even my brother, they snubbed me and yelled at me for ruining her wedding.”
Twilight drooped a little. That memory still stung. “And then before that, when we were fighting Discord, he turned all of us against each other. All the girls kept fighting for so long that we all decided we’d never talk again. I’d spent so long not knowing how important friendship was and then all of a sudden I thought I’d lost them all.”
Sunset gave her friend a slight smile and Twilight returned it. It felt good to be able to share those experiences. Twilight had avoided discussing it with her friends because she didn't want them to blame themselves. She'd long forgiven them, but being reminded of that sense of abandonment, betrayal and self-doubt helped her sympathize with Sunset's own ordeals.
Sunset Shimmer glanced downward and then looked up again, as if remembering something important. “You saved me a second time, you know. It was your advice that led me to talk to the girls and convince them that it wasn’t me. I guess I kind of forgot to tell you then, but… thanks. And not just for the advice. For everything.”
“Haha, it’s no problem, really. Y-you’re welcome.”
***
Twilight’s blushing.
Sunset was glad that they were opening up to each other, but the blush still felt out of place.
She’s been doing that a lot lately. That’s odd - Twilight isn’t the shy or nervous type. Or is she just blushing around me?
Hmmmmm. Let’s test that out.
Sunset locked eyes with Twilight, feigned a look of concern, and leaned in so that their foreheads were only about an inch apart.
“Are you okay? Your face is really red.”
Twilight pulled back in surprise. She began staring at the floor and her blush instantly spread to the rest of her face.
“N-nothing’s wrong! It’s just a little warm in here, haha. Th-the heater must be turned up too high.”
Sunset Shimmer leaned back in her chair, barely managing to suppress a smirk.
Twilight Sparkle has a crush on me!
She tried to process this.
Doesn’t she have a crush on Flash Sentry? No, wait. That doesn’t mean she can’t also have a crush on me. How do I feel about this? I mean, I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, but I’m not sure if it’s because I see her that way. Gah, I don’t know what to think.
Twilight was being very quiet, finishing the last of her dinner still red as a beetroot. Her gaze remained glued to the table, as if deliberately avoiding eye contact. Suddenly, out of sheer impulse, an idea formed in Sunset Shimmer’s head.
“Hey Twilight, you wanna watch a movie?”
Author's Note
Sunset Shimmer mentions the Anon-a-miss incident during the previous Hearth's Warming Eve - this references IDW's Equestria Girls Holiday Special.
For those who haven't read it:
Everything I've Ever Wanted
Ships That Collide in the Night
Which movie, which movie…
Sunset scanned the rack of DVDs next to the player while Twilight washed the dishes. The DVD collection belonged to a student named Lyra Heartstrings who had also gone home to the city for the holidays, but she didn’t mind if her dormmates borrowed them. Most of the shows were rather mediocre. Strangely, there seemed to be a disproportionately large number of films about horses.
No, not an action film, that won’t help at all. Maybe a horror flick? Also no. Twilight’s stared down eldritch abominations, insane goddesses and –sigh – an actual raging she-demon; a lame serial killer won’t scare her in the least.
Guess it’ll have to be romance then. This one’s pretty good.
Sunset held up the DVD case. “Have you seen this one?”
Twilight looked blankly at it and shook her head. “If it’s a movie made in this world, I’m pretty sure I haven’t.”
“All good then. This one’s a love story.”
Sunset Shimmer placed the DVD onto the tray and slid it into the player. She pushed the ‘play’ button and joined Twilight Sparkle on the couch. Twilight seemed more jittery than usual; she was playing with her hair and smiling nervously.
Nearly forgot, she already likes me. No need to waste time on being coy, then. Look her right in the eyes when you sit down, and then say…
“Hey Twilight?”
“Yeah?”
“You look really cute.”
***
“T-thanks!”
Twilight’s mind reeled.
What did she mean by that? Is Sunset Shimmer hitting on me? Wha… what on earth brought THAT on? Oh my gosh what do I say I must look like an idiot right now.
Eeeeeep! Is she holding my hand? She’s holding my hand! Is this just us being close friends or is she… y’know…
Darn it, I can’t concentrate on the movie! My heart is beating SO fast right now! Okay okay breathe deeply and calm down, just like Cadance taught you...
Twilight tried her best to focus on the show. Sunset leaned slightly against her as the moving picture spun the tale of two unlikely lovers from wildly different backgrounds meeting on a ship voyage. The show’s plot seemed to have a lot of potential, but started off a little too slow for Twilight’s tastes.
This film is too overwrought. It’s a lot like those romance novels Rarity keeps pushing on me, and some of this dialogue is really cheesy. Also, committing suicide just because you don’t like your fiancé sounds really stupid. It’s not like she’s even had a chance to fall in love with the hero yet.
Ugh, those two have like, nothing in common. Okay, the guy is pretty darn cute, but they’ve only just met. Saving someone’s life is not a solid basis for a relationship. And the dialogue is still cheesy as ever.
Twilight glanced at Sunset Shimmer. The older girl looked back and smiled, squeezing her hand a little, the same way Twilight had squeezed her hand earlier. Twilight felt her blush coming back on, so she smiled back nervously and returned her attention to the television.
This feels really nice, watching a movie like this. It’s like going to the theatre for a play. No wonder couples do this on dates. Wait, am I on a date with Sunset Shimmer? We just had dinner, didn’t we? And she even cooked. Is this meant to be romantic or not? Does Sunset Shimmer like me? This is so confusing! No don’t be stupid, she just thinks of me as a friend, watching a movie while holding my hand…
Hmm, this show isn’t actually that bad. At least now they’re talking and getting to know each other. Hey, they’re dancing! Okay, she does look like she’s having fun. And the guy is pretty charming. They really do seem to be getting along pretty well. And at least now they've had time to talk and get to know each other.
The movie turned to a scene of the two lovers talking on the ship's deck under the stars. Unconsciously, Twilight allowed herself to lean close enough to Sunset that their shoulders touched.
Ooh, good scene, wishing upon a star. Kinda clichéd, but still pretty romantic. Ohhhh, I really hope she marries him in the end. Did that old woman at the beginning mention anything about how their relationship turned out? I can’t remember. Darn it, her mother sure is overbearing. Why is she telling her daughter how to live her life? Doesn’t she want her to be happy at all? She looks so sad, like she’s dying inside.
Twilight let herself get drawn more and more into the film, forgetting momentarily the awkwardness and nervousness from her physical contact with Sunset. There was a long sequence where the film showed the obstacles the couple faced in the form of the heroine's mother and fiancé. Then it cut to a glorious panning shot of the hero standing on the ship's deck near the bow.
Oh she’s changed her mind and gone to see him! Close her eyes? Is he going to kiss her? No he’s – OH. MY. GOSH. IT'S ALMOST AS IF SHE IS FLYING. That sunset, the music, the way he’s holding her, this is SO perfect! Oh this is SO romantic I could cry!
Twilight Sparkle almost didn’t notice as Sunset Shimmer let go of her hand and wrapped an arm around Twilight’s waist, pulling her closer. Twilight was now leaning against Sunset’s shoulder, who in turn was resting her cheek on the top of the younger girl’s head.
Woah! Sunset Shimmer is cuddling up with me! Is- is this is still just a friendly thing? Like a hug? Oh my gosh I’m blushing aren’t I. My chest is feeling really tight and I’m not sure if it’s the movie or Sunset that’s doing this to…
NAKED GIRL ON SCREEN! What is boobsing… I mean going on? Is she letting him DRAW her naked? That’s nippley- er, really daring. Boobs. Gosh. Humans have such sexy bodies.
That was when she realized that the back of her arm was pressed lightly against Sunset’s breast as they leaned against each other.
Boobs! Sunset Shimmer’s boob! Touching! Okay okay don’t panic! You’ve had contact with boobs before! I mean ponies don’t have boobs but human girls do and we hug all the time and I’ve hugged all my friends and I mean *I* have boobs while I’m human. We’re just being close, that’s all. Focus! You’re thinking about the movie and definitely NOT thinking about Sunset Shimmer’s… boobs.
Twilight closed her eyes tightly. Her face felt very hot, and her heart was beating very quickly. Next to her, Sunset was still calmly watching the show, without a trace of Twilight’s nervousness.
How can she be so calm like this? Twilight thought. She’s sending me so many mixed signals! C’mon I have to let her know how I feel! Her face is so close to mine, and sitting here with her arm around me it feels really nice… and Sunset is so warm. I really want to nuzzle her… do humans nuzzle? I’ve never seen them do it.
Stuff it! I’m going to nuzzle!
Twilight straightened her position slightly so that her head, while still facing the screen, was level with Sunset’s. Blushing furiously, she nervously rubbed her cheek against the older girl’s in what she hoped was a romantic way, too embarrassed to even look at her as she did so. She heard a slight intake of breath coming from Sunset Shimmer, before Sunset’s arm pulled them tighter together while she nuzzled back, taking an affectionate sniff at Twilight’s violet hair as she did so.
OHMIGOSH SHE LIKES ME. Wait no DARNIT ponies nuzzle all the time, and I can’t tell the difference between friendly nuzzle and romantic nuzzle! Argh I am SO STUPID! I wish I understood human body language better! I wish I understood PONY body language better!
Twilight glanced at the screen in her embarrassment, noticing a dramatic chase through the ship's interior as the fiancé's henchman discovered the pair.
Oooh they’re being chased! No no run run don’t get caught! WHY ARE YOU STANDING AROUND KEEP RUNNING OH GOSH GO GO OH YES LOCK THAT DOOR.
Aww they’re finally all alone and together! C’mon kiss! KISSKISS OH YES KISS THEYREKISSING HOORAAAAAAYaieeeeeeep! Are they really going to- OH GOSH THEY ARE TOTALLY DOING IT! THIS IS SO GREAT OMIGOSH they look SO CUTE cuddling like that…
Twilight stared at the screen, enraptured by the heat of the sex scene, her chest heaving in excitement as she watched the two paramours consummate their passion inside an empty car in the cargo hold.
“Hey.”
Sunset Shimmer’s voice was barely a whisper, coming from right behind Twilight’s ear. Surprised, Twilight turned and her eyes immediately locked into Sunset Shimmer’s half-lidded gaze, their faces so close that Twilight could feel the warmth emanating from Sunset’s face. Her eyes smouldered with a fiery intensity, engulfing Twilight’s world in a sudden wave of heat.
OH. MY. GOSH.
Sunset Shimmer’s face moved closer, quickly approaching Twilight’s lips. She closed her eyes and kissed her without hesitation, gently but firmly. The whole world seemed to fall away, until it seemed like there was nothing else in the universe except each other. Twilight sat passively, transfixed by the sensation until she overcame her initial shock and began to kiss back. They enjoyed the taste of each other’s lips for a while, and when they finally separated Twilight felt some regret that it didn’t last longer.
She didn’t have to wait long. Sunset brought her arm up to Twilight’s back, supporting the younger girl’s weight while Twilight’s body went limp as they kissed again, this time with much more energy. Twilight drew a sharp, surprised breath as Sunset’s tongue entered her mouth, at first brushing gently against her own tongue, but very quickly after that Twilight began to reciprocate, wrapping her arms around Sunset’s neck and pulling their bodies tight together. Their tongues slid against one another, exploring each other’s mouths in a wet and warm dance. A tiny trail of saliva clung to their lips when the kiss finally broke.
Sunset was now lying on top of Twilight, who in turn lay on her back upon the couch. They continued making out, the movie forgotten, pausing only to draw breath and gaze passionately into each other’s eyes again. Sunset put one hand on Twilight’s shoulder, and with the other undid the pink bow on Twilight’s blouse so that she could peck a trail of kisses from her collarbone up across her neck. She followed this by a long lick right beneath the ear and an even longer nibble on the earlobe, making Twilight gasp in pleasure.
Twilight’s inexperience made it difficult to for her keep up with her partner, eventually settling for quivering passively as Sunset overwhelmed her with her attentions - only kissing back when Sunset returned to her lips. Sunset took full advantage of this, keeping Twilight’s mind blank with a barrage of kisses as her hands slid down across Twilight’s sides, eventually coming to rest on her posterior. She gave it a quick squeeze, making Twilight start in surprise, breaking her out of her stupor. She opened her eyes to see Sunset Shimmer staring warmly at her.
“You are so beautiful,” gasped Sunset.
“So are you,” gushed Twilight. She cupped her hands around Sunset’s face and pulled her close for another kiss while Sunset ran both her hands under Twilight’s butt, hiking her skirt up to the waist. Twilight squirmed as Sunset began liberally stroking her posterior with both hands, turning their kiss from a chaste locking of lips to a sloppy tongue-entwined face-sucking. It was so messy that when they parted Twilight giggled and used her collar to wipe her partner’s mouth of drool.
They made out for a long time. Sunset Shimmer continued to be the more active participant, but eventually Twilight got over her reservations and allowed her hands to explore Sunset’s body. She found that she liked putting her arms around Sunset’s back, shoulders, thighs and even daringly fondled Sunset’s breasts through her bra while they attacked each other’s lips. Sunset, happy that Twilight was beginning to really get into the mood, began moving her kisses ever southward, eventually unbuttoning the rest of Twilight’s blouse so that she could kiss her tummy. There was no resistance when Sunset unclasped Twilight’s bra, freeing her soft, perky breasts and exposing them to the cool air.
Sunset let her hands run over Twilight’s slender body, now topless and with her skirt pulled high around her waist, revealing a growing dampness between her thighs. Twilight lay under her shyly, breathing heavily and quickly as Sunset looked down at her, the intensity in her eyes now filled with lust and desire.
“Bed?” Sunset whispered.
Twilight nodded.
Author's Note
This is the chapter that got this story's rating bumped to Mature. If reading about intimacy makes you uncomfortable, then you'll be relieved to know that this is as far as it goes.
Everything I've Ever Wanted
Twilight Sparkle awoke.
She opened her eyes groggily, peering through the fog of sleep, only to be greeted by the sight of an unfamiliar ceiling.
Where am I?
She looked around. Moonlight streamed through a window, bathing the room in a dim glow. Twilight lay on a small cozy bed under a warm beige comforter, recognizing an adjacent untidy table and packed bookshelves. She blushed as memories of Sunset's tight, shapely figure, intertwined in passion with her own, flooded her mind.
Eheh... I think I’m still a little sore from that.
She sat up slowly, wrapping the comforter around her naked body in order to shield herself from the chilly air.
Sunset’s not here.
For a moment, Twilight wondered if she had been woken up by Sunset Shimmer leaving the room. Twilight glanced into the bathroom, door ajar, next to the cupboard. It was empty.
Where is she? Did she get up to get a drink?
She felt lonely. Earlier, they had cuddled for a long time, basking silently in the afterglow of sex until sleep overtook them. Twilight wished that Sunset were here. She wanted to hold her again, to tell her how happy she was and that being together felt absolutely magical.
An odd sound, like a sniffle, came from the living room.
She shifted her feet onto the floor and stood up still wrapped in the warmth of the comforter. She shuffled quietly into the living room. The lights were still off, and the lonely silence gave the place a cozy stillness. The dim moonlight gave her enough light to make out a naked Sunset Shimmer sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a smaller blanket.
Twilight walked over to the couch. As she approached, Sunset finally noticed her and looked up. She frankly looked terrible. Twilight was not sure if Sunset's disheveled hair was a reflection of her emotional state or from recently waking, but her puffy, red eyes betrayed the fact that she had been crying.
The sight filled Twilight with worry. She sat down on the couch and pulled Sunset tight against her.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” she whispered.
Sunset began to cry. She put her arms around Twilight’s body and sobbed quietly at first, but that quickly broke into a loud bawling and inelegant blubbering. Rivers of tears, snot and drool marred her pretty face in a way that would have been comical if it weren’t for her obvious distress.
Twilight held her tight for as long as she could, hoping the warmth and closeness of their bare bodies would comfort the weeping girl. They remained in that tight embrace for some time while Sunset had a long, relieving cry in Twilight's arms. It felt like Sunset had a lot of pent up pain to let go of.
Suddenly Sunset broke their hug and pushed her away.
“No, no…” she began, but her strained voice couldn’t find the words to finish.
“Please, Sunset,” came Twilight’s pained reply. “Talk to me so I can help you. You don’t have to bear your problems alone - I’m here for you. Please… please tell me what’s hurting you.”
All Sunset Shimmer could do was gaze into Twilight’s eyes, tears still streaming down her face.
“I’m so stupid!” she choked. “Please don’t hate me…”
“I promise I would never hate you, Sunset.” Twilight tried to hug her again, but Sunset stopped her.
“Wait… wait. I need to tell you first. But – just… I’m so, so sorry! I, I…”
Sunset tried to continue, but stopped. Then she opened her mouth to speak and stopped again. She looked like would break out in tears once more.
“I… I’m afraid tonight might've been a mistake…”
The words cut right into Twilight’s heart. She didn’t know what to think. Was Sunset rejecting her, after everything that happened? A knot began to form in Twilight’s gut as she tried to understand.
When Twilight didn’t respond, Sunset continued, “I don’t… I don’t know how to feel about you. All my life I thought I hated you, but you just had to be so… so perfect. No wonder m… Princess Celestia chose you over me...”
Recognition started to form in Twilight’s head. But Sunset wasn’t finished.
“That day, when you were talking about the Tree of Harmony - that’s when I realized that… that I never had a chance.” Sunset’s voice was becoming choked up again. “Your cutie-mark was carved into it a thousand years ago… that’s how she knew. Even though I tried, tried so hard… it wasn’t my destiny to be the one who... who would face Nightmare Moon and become the Princess of Friendship.”
Twilight was shocked. “You mean… Starswirl’s prophecy?”
“On the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about nighttime eternal,” recited Sunset Shimmer. “I was taught that prophecy almost from the day I could read. For years I thought that was my destiny, to face Celestia’s long lost sister, but that all ended the... the day I got my cutie mark…"
"I thought she’d be so proud of me, but she knew then… that I had to step aside and make way for… for you. That was the day my whole life went downhill..." She started sniffling.
"I thought at first that I wasn’t good enough, that I had failed some test of hers. I begged her to tell me what I had done wrong, how I could do better, but now I know she didn’t say anything because there wasn’t anything I could have done! Because destiny picked you, and not me! Because my cutie-mark wasn’t… wasn’t a six-pointed star! ”
Tears streamed down Sunset’s cheeks. She choked back a sob.
“When I ran away I wondered for so long if things could have been different. I wondered what would have happened if I had stayed and listened to her. And I wanted to mend that rift between us. But when the portal reopened thirty moons later, I went back only to see… to see her teaching you." Sunset’s face twisted in sorrow and pain. "To find… to find that she had replaced me…”
Twilight felt like her heart had given out. She didn’t know how to respond. “Oh Sunset… I am so sorry…”
“No, no please don’t... don't apologize to me. Don’t you see? I hated you for so, so long because I thought you’d stolen my destiny from me when in reality… I was just some loser trying to steal yours . When I stole your crown I thought I could get everything back, but even when I had it and you didn’t, you still beat me. And worst of all when it was all over you still had to be the bigger pony and forgive me for all the horrible things I did. I lost because… because you’re just better than me in every way.”
That last sentence looked like it pained her terribly to admit. Twilight badly wanted to comfort her. “Sunset, please don’t say that. You're not a loser…”
“No, I am! And tonight I… I really messed up. I was feeling so awful and when I found out you had a crush on me I went and repaid all your kindness by… by seducing you, just because I wanted to… to conquer you… oh gosh I am so stupid !”
The compassion Twilight was feeling suddenly drained away. It was replaced almost instantly with a rising anger.
“You… you what?” she said through clenched teeth.
“I… I shouldn’t have slept with you - it- it was a mistake…”
“A mistake? Did you even have any feelings for me at ALL? ” Twilight felt her self control slipping, and her voice was raised just a little too loud at the end.
“I… I really don’t know! I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear!” Sunset pleaded.
Twilight covered her face with her hands and closed her eyes, counting quietly. Eventually she opened them and drew a deep breath.
"Okay, answer me this ," she said, as calmly as she could manage. "How do you feel about me? Tell me the truth."
Sunset dried her tears and turned her eyes away. "I... I'm not entirely sure. I mean, I like you, but I'm not certain if I also hate you. And making love to you... I really don't think I should have done that."
Twilight thought about the Sunset Shimmer who she shared a bed with just hours earlier. She remembered the feeling of apprehension and nervousness from before, the fear of being rejected, but the thought of being rejected now made her feel sick.
"You.... really suck."
Sunset nodded ashamedly. "I know..."
Twilight bent down to pick up her clothes. Her voice was still strained when she spoke. "I'm going home. I'm trying not to be angry at you, but right now just seeing you is... is making it really hard to do that. You... figure out how you feel about me. Tell me when you've decided."
Sunset simply nodded again mutely.
Twilight got dressed and walked to the door. As she took hold of the handle, she looked back and saw Sunset, back turned towards her, sitting dejectedly on the couch.
She opened the door and left.
Everything I've Ever Wanted
“Twilight, wake up!”
Twilight Sparkle’s eyes cracked open to reveal a diminutive purple dragon attempting to jostle her out of bed. This was the third time Spike had tried to wake her, but she did not budge. She had difficulty sleeping, and had been kept awake till just before dawn. Barely conscious, she still didn’t quite have the energy to rise.
“Twilight, if you don’t get up soon, you won’t have time to get ready for the pageant at the palace.”
Twilight groaned. Just her luck that it was Hearth’s Warming Eve, right when she wanted most to hide in her room and be alone. Her friends wouldn’t be there either – they would be attending the Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant in Ponyville instead, since this year they weren’t participating. She briefly considered skipping the event entirely, but in her role as a princess of Equestria she was expected to attend. She flopped over and pushed herself up with her hooves, doing her very best not to think about the night before.
“Good morning, Spike.”
Satisfied that Twilight was sufficiently awake, Spike turned to the door and waved a claw downwards towards the stairs.
“Afternoon , Twilight. I made lunch. There’s time to eat before you get ready to fly up there, but you really ought to hurry.”
Twilight looked out the window. It was a few hours past noon. Thankfully she could now fly directly to Canterlot on her own, otherwise it would take hours to arrive via the train’s snaking route around the mountain. She slowly put her forehooves on the floor and shuffled into the bathroom. She took a long look at herself in the mirror.
I look awful.
Twilight picked up her toothbrush with magic and brushed her teeth carefully, still eyeing her reflection. After rinsing she decided to take a long shower. While Twilight normally preferred cold showers for the health benefits, she felt like she really needed the soothing caress of hot water right then. It made her feel better.
Drying herself off with a towel, Twilight headed downstairs to a small dining room which she used when there were no guests. Upon the table sitting on a plate was a sunflower sandwich with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce and cucumber slices, along with a bowl of egg salad and a glass of milk. Spike had apparently finished his own lunch hours ago.
Twilight didn’t have much of an appetite, but she finished about half the meal before dumping the rest into the sink. She did the dishes as quickly as possible and then headed upstairs again.
She sat in front of her little dressing table and brushed the tangles out of her mane and tail. Then she pulled out her prepared dress and shoes – they weren’t particularly elaborate or showy this time, since the pageant was less a ball and more like a night at the theatre. Since the thought to flying to Canterlot in formal attire didn’t appeal to her, Twilight carefully folded the ensemble and packed it into a large saddlebag. Strapping it on, she opened her balcony door to the calm winter afternoon.
She spread her wings and leapt off the balcony, heading in the direction of a city in the distance, built into the mountainside.
The cold air made Twilight thankful for her coat of fur, and the rush of wind blowing past her wings helped her relax. Flying was very therapeutic, especially on longer flights like this one where she spent most of the time gliding. Now alone, she could take the time to properly reflect.
Twilight had spent a lot of time thinking about Sunset Shimmer after she got back home the night before. At first all she could think of was the horrible feeling of her body being treated like a trophy, but later she had started focusing on how Sunset Shimmer really felt about her.
She said that she doesn’t know how she feels.
That thought gave her a little hope. Part of her wanted very badly to believe that Sunset Shimmer would come around and tell her that it was all a misunderstanding and that she really did love Twilight and wanted to be with her.
That has to be it. She must have panicked after waking up, and was just confused, right?
Right?
On the other hand, there remained the sinking feeling that she might be deliberately deluding herself. She remembered everything that Sunset had told her. She could only imagine the kind of hatred Sunset must have once held.
She might still hate me.
But all the distress and crying felt sincere, even if the shadow of deceit now hung over everything Sunset had done during the night before.
Twilight turned her head and looked at her flank. The mild soreness still lingered, a constant reminder of her lost chastity.
Sunset’s affection felt so real…
She remembered the gentle touch of Sunset’s fingers, the slippery wetness of her tongue and the warm feeling of their bodies pressed against each other. Most of all Twilight remembered the nervousness and vulnerability in Sunset’s eyes when she showed Twilight her naked body, even though it was beautiful and sensuous and absolutely perfect .
That can’t have been a lie.
If Sunset was being honest with her, then she was still confused and depressed after the revelation in the café three days before. That meant that she perhaps wasn’t entirely rational when she had seduced Twilight….
A nasty realization suddenly dawned.
I slept with Sunset when she wasn’t in a proper state of mind!
The thought made her panic a little.
Did… was I the one who took advantage of her? No… no, she seduced me! She was the one who pushed all my buttons and made me... made me…
...
She didn’t make me do anything.
I should have stopped her. I… I should have known better! I knew for sure she was depressed, I mean, that’s the entire reason I went to see her. But I was all caught up in my stupid crush and let myself get carried away…
Twilight forced herself to stop that train of thought. She knew better than to end up holding herself responsible for everything, especially since she was fairly sure Sunset should be shouldering at least some, if not most, of the blame.
She sighed. Twilight still wasn’t sure what to think, because there plainly wasn’t enough information. She’d have to go back and talk to Sunset again, even if just seeing the girl made her hurt. There was no point in beating herself up over it right now, anyway. She had an appointment to keep.
***
The sun had just set by the time she had landed at her old quarters, changed and arrived at the VIP lounge on the second floor of the palace. The room was filled with wealthier ponies milling around as they waited for the pageant to begin. Twilight remained standing near a corner. She didn’t want to have to talk to anypony that night.
Her mind flickered back to thoughts of Sunset Shimmer. Most of Twilight’s anger had given out, spent after a full night crying into her pillow, but it still hurt to think of what Sunset had said. Twilight tried clear her head.
“Well, it’s so good to see you, Princess Twilight Sparkle.” The voice came from Upper Crust, a unicorn with whom Twilight had become acquainted soon after her coronation. The mare had fawned over her early on but very quickly soured to Twilight’s presence later. “I’m surprised you’re here this evening instead of your charming new home town of… Ponyville .”
Her voice was dripping with subtle derision and carried the implicit suggestion that “society” no longer quite considered Twilight a Canterlot pony at heart. Twilight was in no mood to deal with her this evening.
“It’s good to see you too, Upper Crust,” she lied. “Excuse me.”
Twilight abruptly ended contact and walked away from the smirking unicorn as a few nearby ponies snickered with equal contempt. High society in Canterlot thrived on these understated confrontations, where opponents would trade slightly-less-than-harmless barbs while onlookers would decide the winner based on wit, grace, and the ability to elegantly humiliate your opponent without being crass.
Twilight recalled the petition she was dealing with the day before. She decided to go speak with one of Princess Celestia’s advisors, hoping to follow Sunset Shimmer’s suggestion.
The reminder of that dinner conversation with Sunset caused Twilight’s ears to visibly droop.
“Is something bothering you, Twilight?” It was a different voice this time, regal and motherly and filled with genuine concern.
Twilight looked up to see the almost-literally divine form of Princess Celestia watching over her carefully. The white alicorn wore no dress, only her regalia, but still stood out easily as the most impressive pony in the room. Twilight had been too preoccupied to notice her arrival.
“I…” Twilight was about to dismiss her moody disposition, but she knew that Celestia would easily notice the lie. And in the past, when she had been just a filly, Princess Celestia had been incredibly helpful in guiding Twilight through a lot of difficult times. The fact that there was likely no one else better with whom to talk about Sunset Shimmer did not hurt, either.
Twilight sighed. “Actually, I’ve been better. Some… something happened yesterday between Sunset Shimmer and me.”
The room was suddenly covered in a white glow, and Twilight felt the whole world instantly sucked away into the light, only for the surroundings to be replaced with the familiar sight of Princess Celestia’s personal chambers. Twilight was shocked by the unexpected teleportation, and looked up at her mentor in surprise.
“Tell me what happened.” Celestia’s voice was still warm and motherly, but it carried a tone of command that made Twilight just a little worried.
So she told her everything. They sat at a little tea-table around which they had shared countless lessons in the past while Twilight spilled all the painful details of the previous night. She left out the lurid specifics of their lovemaking, but her story was as complete as she could make it, including the events in the café three days before. The telling had however made her dredge up all the worry and fear and anger that she thought had settled, and by the end, tears spilled down her face.
Princess Celestia’s expression did not change as she listened, only quietly wrapping her soft wings around the smaller alicorn as Twilight wept. She remained silent, thinking deeply, even after Twilight had finished. She held her until the crying stopped and Twilight wiped away the last of her tears.
Eventually she asked, “Are you feeling better now?”
Twilight nodded.
Princess Celestia gave Twilight one last tight squeeze before opening her wings. She looked at Twilight with a sympathetic smile.
“First of all Twilight, I want you to understand that losing your virginity doesn't and shouldn't change anything about you. You are still the same mare you were when you woke up yesterday, and everything you are and all the great things you have accomplished do not become diminished just because you are no longer a virgin. Even if it wasn't as... special as it should have been."
Princess Celestia wrapped her wings around Twilight again for a quick hug and followed it with a reassuring nuzzle.
"Secondly, I don’t think you should blame yourself for what happened. It seems like both you and Sunset have made mistakes, but you should still keep in mind that it is not your fault that she didn’t tell you what was bothering her until it was too late – and Sunset should have known that what she was doing might hurt you. At the same time I hope you will be generous and try to forgive her. I can see that she has hurt you, so it is understandable if you cannot do so right away. However, I think Sunset still has a lot to learn about friendship and love even if she has managed to come a long way since you first met her. It would be a shame if your friendship died over this.”
“So you don’t think she actually… cares for me?” Twilight asked fearfully.
“I honestly cannot say. Sex is very powerful, Twilight. Even when there is no intention of long-term commitment the act itself creates emotion and connection, no matter what conventional wisdom claims about philanderers and libertines. Only a psychopath cannot understand those feelings – for everyone else the best they can do is to suppress those emotions and convince themselves they feel nothing. Sunset Shimmer has had a long history of burying how she feels, to protect herself from being hurt. She may discover that her emotions last night were true, and if so I hope you two can overcome this stain on your relationship and be happy together.
“But I am not going to lie to you - It is just as likely that she does not feel for you the same way you do for her. If that is the case then I’m afraid you are going to be hurt again. Just remember that even if you cannot find love with her, there are others out there who will return your love and one day I am certain that you will meet someone who will make you happy. In the meantime you should seek comfort in the company of the friends you have made. And remember that I myself will likewise always be here for you.”
Celestia’s words didn’t really make Twilight feel much better, but it was reassuring to know that the her former mentor would still support her if things did not work out.
“Thank you, Princess. I guess even now I’m still learning from you.”
Princess Celestia smiled. “I think we will continue to learn from each other for a long time to come. Now, is there anything else you would like to discuss, or are you ready to return to the pageant?”
Twilight hesitated. She didn’t want to impose on Celestia any further after dumping all that on her already, but it would be a pity to waste such a good opportunity to ask about Sunset’s past.
“Is what Sunset said true? About her cutie-mark, I mean.”
Celestia looked away.
“It is.”
She sighed and returned her gaze to Twilight. Her face had changed from her earlier softness to an image of perfect calm.
“Twilight, you should know by now that I had long ago been preparing for Luna’s return. I knew that I was no longer connected to the Elements of Harmony, so I needed to find the ones who could wield them against Nightmare Moon. I had hoped that it would be Sunset Shimmer, but the truth is that on the day she gained her cutie-mark I knew that she was not the one. And so my attentions passed on to you .”
Celestia’s voice became just a tiny bit more strained. “I… did not handle Sunset very well. She did not understand why I had suddenly begun favoring a younger filly who hadn’t even earned her cutie-mark, or why I was neglecting her. She became bitter, and she began to hide her growing insecurities with an ever-increasing arrogance. I should have acted then, to reassure her or at least to curb my neglect of her, or honestly anything at all except what I did, which was to become angry at her constant attempts to earn my attention. And so it was entirely by my own fault that things came to a head when she discovered the power of the crystal mirror.”
Twilight smiled understandingly. “Well, you shouldn’t really blame yourself, you know. Just like it was with me, even though both of you made mistakes, Sunset made her own decisions and chose to disobey you and go through the mirror. It’s just as much her fault, probably more so.”
Celestia sighed again. When she spoke there was a noticeable waver in her voice. “It - it is not the same, Twilight. Sunset Shimmer was just a little filly when… all that happened. She was still too young to make those decisions for herself, and I didn’t give her the proper support to help her make them. She was my responsibility and I… I failed her.” Celestia’s voice cracked on word “failed” in a pained way that belied her still-calm demeanor.
“No, look… I mean, you were just her teacher!” Twilight’s innocuous words strangely made her former mentor’s eyes flicker. “It wasn’t solely your responsibility to teach her about right and wrong or how you should behave. I mean, I made mistakes when I was a filly and it was almost always my parents who punished me or taught me I was wrong. It’s not like you were her mother!”
Princess Celestia said nothing. Her face remained the same mask of regal, impassive calm, seemingly serene and unmoved. But she was betrayed by a single tear trickling down her cheek.
Twilight slowly shook her head in horror and disbelief.
“Oh… oh no… ”
Everything I've Ever Wanted
“How… how can that be possible?”
Twilight’s mind was still reeling from the revelation. Her brain was quickly reassembling everything she knew about Sunset Shimmer, fitting the fragments of unexplained inconsistencies together like a puzzle that was now becoming disturbingly whole.
Celestia’s mask softened. She closed her eyes and remained quiet for a moment while facing the floor. Then she lifted her head and turned towards her massive dressing table, a shimmering golden aura pulling open the handle of one of its drawers. A framed photograph floated out, flying smoothly in front of Twilight as the drawer closed.
Twilight took hold of the photograph with her own magic. It depicted a stallion with a dark amber coat and blonde mane, wearing the recognizable purple-and-gold armor of the royal guard, almost exactly like the armor Twilight had become accustomed to seeing borne by her brother.
“His name was Daydreamer, and he was Captain of my Guard years ago, before you were born. He was brave, kind, and as dedicated to Equestria as I was. Unlike most of the guard, Daydreamer was not afraid to question his orders when he felt I was wrong, especially if it contradicted his own extensive expertise in military matters. I found his boldness refreshing and often sought his counsel. I encouraged him to speak to me informally, which led to us... flirting very often. We became lovers not long after.”
Celestia opened her eyes. “I have a confession that should not surprise you, Twilight…”
“I… I am not good with family.”
She was mistaken. The admission surprised Twilight very much.
"I am so used to being obeyed and adored that... I tend to forget that it's not how you should interact with those closest to you." Celestia grimaced as she recalled past examples. “Long ago, my grandstanding and failure to notice Luna’s loneliness drove her to the Nightmare. She was my sister, with whom I spent more time than any pony in my life, and I know I could have done something before it was too late but I still ignored all the warning signs. That neglect separated us for a thousand years. I told myself then that I would learn from my mistakes, but the truth is that I have been making that same mistake ever since.
“I think most recently you saw it happen when I didn’t even realize that Cadence, my own adopted niece, had been replaced by a changeling queen; I shrugged off her odd behavior as the nervousness of a bride before her wedding. You, on the other hand, noticed something was wrong almost immediately and when you tried to tell me, I chose to dismiss your concerns despite the fact that I should have known better.”
Celestia bowed her head in apology. “I failed both you and Cadance that day. I know I’ve apologized to you already, but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I should have listened to you, because you were my personal student and even if you were wrong I should have at least tried to talk to you about it rather than simply walking away and telling you off .”
Twilight didn’t say anything. She was still trying to process everything.
Celestia noticed her silence. “Well, with Daydreamer the same thing happened. We got into little arguments where I would ignore his concerns because I felt that I was in the right, even though relationships should be about compromises. About two years before you were born, war broke out between us and the minotaurs. Daydreamer and I clashed on issues of military policy, and the cracks in our relationship got worse. We still loved each other, but we began to see each other less and less often.
“Then one day he came to me and announced his intention to fight on the front lines. I begged him not to, but he was adamant. In the end I agreed to let him go. I was asking so many ponies to let me risk the lives of their loved ones in battle; how could I make an exception for myself? The night before he left… that was the night that Sunset Shimmer was conceived. He never got to meet his daughter, because it would be the last time I saw him alive.”
Twilight put her hoof on Celestia’s shoulder when she noticed more tears trickling down the older alicorn’s cheeks, unaware that the memory was only the latest of many, many other loved ones whose passing Celestia had endured.
“Does Sunset know?” she asked.
“Of course she does,” replied Celestia, wiping her tears away with her hoof. “I had to keep my foal secret from the world – can you imagine the scandal if I announced that I had an affair with my Guard Captain and conceived a foal out of wedlock? But I could never lie to my own daughter. I kept her here in this very room and hid her from everypony except those whom I trusted most.
"You know, Sunset’s birth was... very difficult. I think it was caused by the stress of the war and Daydreamer’s death, but the labor was very long and there were a lot of complications and close calls. But in the end, when I finally held my baby in my hooves, she looked so perfect . Perhaps it was just the predisposition of a mother looking at her newborn foal, but I just knew she had a grand destiny ahead of her.
“So you can imagine my pride when my divinations revealed that she was one of only three fillies whose destinies were close enough to align with Starswirl’s prophecy, and she was the oldest . I think that I let my hopes as a mother get the better of my judgement and immediately assumed that she would be the one. It seemed so perfect at the time, that my daughter would be destined to save her aunt and become an alicorn to join us…”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Three fillies?”
“I think you are quite acquainted with the third. It’s ironic, because she was easily the most powerful of the three of you. She never received the training you did but could hold her own even when you fought her as an alicorn... and then you saved her just as you saved Sunset and Luna.”
“Starlight Glimmer!?”
“Yes. I think on some subconscious level, she sensed her own potential and the destiny that nearly fell on her withers. I doubt that a single ruined friendship could realistically drive her to accomplish everything she did. Consider how she conceived a spell specifically to manipulate cutie-marks , something that was once thought to be impossible, and later on she completed that time-traveling spell left unfinished by Starswirl the Bearded. I don’t think I need to explain the parallels between that and how you became a princess. And to top it all off she tried to undo your future by preventing the event that led to you acquiring your own cutie-mark. It was almost as if she, like Sunset, was unconsciously attempting to usurp your destiny.
"Whatever her intentions were, her actions proved that you can’t steal destiny. When the prophecy was derailed, every result ended in disaster. You saw it for yourself in all the possible alternate futures. Which leads us to the first of many mistakes I made with my daughter - I tried to push her into the destiny she wasn’t meant to have."
Celestia lowered her head and deflated slightly as she recalled memories of happier times. “I told Sunset Shimmer of Starswirl’s prophecy and trained her to be the princess and alicorn I thought she would become. I kept my expectations of her high and kept her regularly informed of those expectations. Sunset was very eager to please me, and studied incredibly hard to keep up with her demanding schedule. This gave me an excuse to openly keep her around the palace: I named her my personal student and officially assigned her quarters next to my own. Then I introduced her to Cadance and explained to her how Cadance ascended. They became friends very quickly – Cadance was always very good with foals, as you can remember. But that day I think I laid it on too thick and hinted a little too strongly about what I had in mind for Sunset."
Twilight gasped. "That is why she demanded you make her a Princess..."
"Yes," Celestia admitted. "And now you know that when she got her cutie-mark everything went wrong. I remember her running excitedly through that very door to show me. I should have been so proud of her, but the only thing I could feel was disappointment . And I think Sunset could sense it.
“She knew about you, you know. I had watched you and Starlight Glimmer carefully afterwards and when Shining Armor’s cutie-mark turned out to be a shield with a six-pointed star, I felt that you had to be the correct one and this time I was right. But I didn’t do a good enough job concealing my interest in you and Sunset began to feel that she wasn’t as important anymore.
“In the grand scheme of things she wasn’t. But she was my daughter, Twilight. I should have realized how she was reacting and tried to devote more time and attention to the one who needed me most. But I allowed my eagerness to save Luna to consume me and in my zeal to prepare you to one day face her I neglected the filly to whom I was the most important thing in the world."
Tears returned to Celestia's eyes as the image of Sunset as a foal entered her mind. She remembered the fear and worry on Sunset's face, unable to understand what had changed. “As she grew more and more unhappy she began spurning her friends and trying ever harder to earn my attention again, but when I didn’t respond she started to become angry at me for not recognizing all her efforts. She started becoming arrogant and distant, arguing with me constantly, but I didn't realize that beneath that façade was a very insecure filly who was being starved of attention and beginning to doubt her self-worth. The only thing I noticed was how far she had fallen. I tried to teach her the importance of humility, but that was doomed to fail because I didn't address the cause of her arrogance. All I could see was how combative and defiant she had become.
“And then I showed her the Crystal Mirror. The mirror is a gateway to incredible potential, but in it Sunset caught a glimpse of the destiny she missed - that of being an alicorn, the Princess of Friendship. She became obsessed with it and began researching it in secret. When I discovered her I was furious. I have practiced my composure for hundreds of years, but I shamefully lost my temper when she hurled a book at me. Things came to a head, and I ordered her to be escorted out of the palace. I thought it would separate her from the Mirror and give her time to think about the path she was heading down or get over her obsession, but honestly that was the stupidest thing I could have done. Of course she would have seen it as the final act of casting her aside for you. But I acted rashly and by the time I had come to my senses she was gone.”
Twilight hadn’t spoken in a while. She still seemed to be thinking.
“Why didn’t you try to look for her?” she whispered.
“I did! I went through the portal that very night but Sunset was nowhere to be found. I searched as best as I could, but there was so much in that world I could not understand, and I was completely without magic to help me. Then I had to return before dawn to raise the sun, and I realized that I could not catch up with her and didn’t even know what she looked like after turning into a human.
“I kept the mirror in my throne room for years, but it became apparent that if Sunset was still alive she no longer wanted to have anything to do with me. After you defeated Sombra, I sent the mirror to Cadance in the hope that if Sunset ever returned she would be able to convince her to stay. Then during the night of the Princess Summit she did return… and you know what she did. It took every ounce of self-restraint I had to avoid breaking down when I heard she was still alive, and when I explained how she never came back I think I almost cracked. I cannot tell you how happy I was when you returned after facing her and told me she was well.”
Celestia looked up into Twilight’s emotion-filled eyes. But it was not sympathy or compassion that Celestia saw in them.
It was disappointment.
Shaking her head slowly, Twilight spoke.
“How could you do that to your own flesh and blood...”
Celestia visibly wilted.
Twilight gave her a pained look. “I can’t even imagine how it must have felt for a little filly to watch her own mother replace her with an outsider. How do you think it makes me feel to be the one who replaced her?" She closed her eyes as she recalled memories from her foalhood. “Do you think I never noticed with all the... all the late-night study sessions, or our little sleepovers? When I grew older I thought it was weird that you wanted to spend so much time teaching me after school hours, but now I know you were just... playing mommy with me. I always felt that under all that independence and confidence Sunset Shimmer is so much like me. But I just realized that the reason for that is because you tried to make me exactly what you hoped she would become before you... moved on from her. Tell me honestly, Princess... that was why you kept me so close, wasn't it? You lost Sunset, and so you tried to have me take her place..."
Celestia nodded guiltily.
Twilight exhaled in frustration. "Do you even know what that did to me? I grew up idolizing you, Celestia. My self-worth was so completely dependent on your approval that whenever I thought I might have made even the tiniest mistake, I... I flipped. I know when I got older you tried to get me to be more independent, to make my own friends and live my own life, but for the longest time I was still desperate for your favor. I mean, I got so worked up before my first Grand Galloping Gala just because I thought... I thought I would get to spend time with you ."
She suddenly recalled one of the revelations from the day before. "Did you know that Sunset Shimmer came back thirty moons later?"
Celestia's jaw dropped.
"She told me she returned only to see me being taught by you. She must have been crushed when she saw all of her worst fears confirmed... to find out that you did replace her with me." Twilight put one hoof to her forehead. "I never got it until now, but everything that happened at CHS finally makes sense . When Sunset first met me beyond the mirror, all she could talk about was how I was only the best you could do after you let her go. I just realized that she wasn’t trying to convince me, she was trying to convince herself. And I thought that her plan to invade Equestria with a bunch of mind-controlled high school students was ridiculous, but that was never really what she wanted, was it? She just wanted to show you what all your lessons had turned her into. You hurt her so badly all she wanted to do was hurt you back. "
Twilight gazed at the floor and sagged. "No wonder she can’t figure out how she feels about me, because every time she sees me she can’t help but be reminded of what she... she couldn’t live up to. I thought she was crazy and evil back then, but all along she was just a hurt little filly trying to fulfill the literally impossible standards her mother had set for her. Because no matter what she did, there was no way she could actually... be me, was there? Can you blame her for trying? She stole my crown, tried to become a princess, and craved magical power because until the day she let it all go she still wanted to be that little filly you raised her to be.
“And now she’s finally grown up and realized she doesn’t need your approval to be her own pony. No wonder she can't bear to see you. You were all she had , Celestia. And you let her go."
It felt strange, lecturing her teacher. By the time Twilight was done the elder alicorn was hanging her head, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Celestia nodded, sobbing. “I know… I know.”
Twilight took her mentor's hoof into her own. "Celestia... I'm not your daughter. I can't be. At the end of every day I went home to my own parents and it was their lessons and examples that made me the mare I am today. You taught me about magic, gave me advice and helped me so much when I was growing up, and to me you're my idol and role model, but not... not my mother. I'm sorry."
Twilight stood up, her eyes now filled with determination. “I have to go talk to Sunset.”
Before she could go, Princess Celestia stopped her. "Twilight, tell me please... does Sunset hate me?"
Twilight sighed. "I really don't know. I can't... I can't speak for her. I don't know if she's just afraid to talk to you or if she really never wants to see you ever again. The only thing I'm sure of is that she hasn't moved on from you."
Celestia's eyes fell, downcast. "I wish I could tell her how sorry I am. I still love her with all my heart, Twilight. I'd do anything to see her again. I would give up the Sun to have my Sunset back."
Twilight turned away, nodding slowly.
"I'll tell her you said that."
Everything I've Ever Wanted
It was nearly midnight when Twilight landed on her balcony. The chill of the winter night made her shiver a little as her gaze swept across the houses of Ponyville below. Warm lights from households celebrating Hearth’s Warming Eve dotted the darkness, reminding her of how alone she and Sunset were that night while families came together on the holiday.
She pushed her head against the glass door and entered her room. Walking up to her desk, she picked up the journal with her magic, intending to send Sunset a message immediately. The symbol on the cover caught her attention. It was the most famous cutie-mark in Equestria, the eight-flared sunburst of Princess Celestia.
How did I not notice this? Sunset Shimmer has almost the exact same cutie-mark as her mother...
The purple aura flipped the book open to the last page. Twilight dragged a quill to it and wrote.
Sunset, I have to talk to you right away. It’s important.
She looked out of her room while she awaited Sunset's response. The castle was completely silent. Twilight realized that it was far past Spike's bedtime, and that he had to be asleep by then, so she headed down the corridor to his room to check on him. Peeking in through the door, she saw his adorable form lying on his little bed, chest slowly rising and falling as he snored softly. Twilight smiled as she thought about how diligently he had woken her and prepared her lunch a few hours before, and realized that Spike had always been there for her when she needed him. After the talk she just had with Princess Celestia, Twilight felt grateful for the little dragon's support over the years.
Heading back to her room, she opened a desk drawer, within which was a pile of rubies that she had been intending to slowly dole out to him as rewards. Next to her desk was a box filled with leftover gift supplies that she had used days earlier to wrap the presents for her friends, so Twilight chose a large box and stuffed it with the entire contents of the drawer. She hoped that Spike wouldn't mind an unwrapped addition to his gift, but she didn't want to wake him with the crinkling of wrapping paper.
Twilight levitated the journal over to herself and checked it. Sunset had not replied.
Why doesn't she have her journal with her?
Quietly, she made her way though the dark castle downstairs to her laboratory, where she had left the Crystal Mirror. She put the journal into its position and powered the device. It came to life with a slow hum and crackling magical arcs as the portal opened.
Twilight stepped through.
It was snowing. Twilight realized too late that the dress she was wearing had come with her, and the material did little to shield her from the cold. She thought of going back into the castle, but having to tromp up to her room for warm clothes would risk waking Spike. So she put the discomfort out of her mind and hurried towards the boarding-house, cursing the unwieldiness of the dress as she ran.
As Twilight approached the boarding-house, she noticed from afar that the lights in Sunset's dormitory were off. She headed up the staircase and opened the door.
There was no one there.
She turned around and looked out into the empty compound. There were some lights from a couple of the dorms farther away, but no other signs of life. The stillness was almost eerie.
Where could she be?
Twilight entered the dormitory and turned the lights on, seeking any hint of where Sunset Shimmer could have gone. She walked into Sunset's room and noticed that lying on the messy table was a satchel from which came a telltale fuchsia glow and a distinctive buzz, explaining her lack of a reply earlier. Twilight ignored it, looking around the rest of the room. The comforter and blanket had been returned to the neatly made bed, but everything else seemed exactly the same as it was the day before. Even the jacket was untouched.
The jacket...
Twilight couldn’t remember a day when Sunset Shimmer went out without that black leather jacket. And yet the girl obviously wasn’t in her dormitory.
Unless… oh my gosh, I think I know where Sunset is.
Twilight turned off the lights and ran out of the dorm. The room settled back into a comfortable darkness and silence.
Seconds later, the door was flung open and the lights flickered back on.
I can’t believe I am such an idiot!
Twilight dashed back into Sunset’s room, grabbed the jacket and put it on. She then turned the lights off again and walked out into the cold, now no longer shivering.
Much better!
***
Twilight trudged through the snow across the outdoor amphitheater. There was no one here now, but a few months ago, this was where the finals of the Battle of the Bands had been held. She looked up at the hill overlooking the field, and sure enough, there was a distant but unmistakable silhouette seated where the Rainbooms had played their last song against the sirens. Twilight ran to the base of the hill and called out to her.
“Sunset!”
The silhouette shifted and then unfolded, as if standing up.
“Twilight?”
Sunset Shimmer came running down the hill to her. Just as Twilight thought, she was wearing her older studded jacket. The sight of her reminded Twilight a little of the bully Sunset used to be when they had first met, and coupled with the memories of the night before, made Twilight's mood sour despite her elation at having found her.
“What are you doing h-”
Sunset noticed what Twilight was wearing. It was her newer jacket, with the orange stripes across the sleeves.
“Sorry. I forgot my winter clothes again, so I borrowed it,” Twilight said. She tried to sound friendly, but her tone ended up carrying a little of her lingering resentment.
“It’s… fine? How’d you know I was out here?”
“Well, when I saw this hanging on your closet, I figured you’d gone back to wearing your old one. And since you didn't bring your satchel or journal with you, you probably didn't leave the school grounds... that made me think of this place, where you threw your old jacket away and later changed your look.”
Twilight moved closer to Sunset, touching her sleeve.
“This jacket… it represents your past, doesn’t it?”
Sunset looked down and nodded.
“I was wearing it when… when I came through the portal long ago. When I was last out here, we were fighting the sirens - I decided to cast off who I once was and move on. That’s why I took it off and threw it aside. That new jacket - to me, it represents my independence and the new me. But after last night, I… I didn’t feel like I had the right to pretend I had moved on from the past or redeemed myself anymore. So… so I came out here, wearing this.”
She looked up again and into Twilight’s eyes.
“This is me, Twilight. I’m selfish. I make rash decisions, and I hurt other people to feel better about myself. I tried to change, but in the end I went back to being old me.”
Twilight sighed. Part of her wanted to comfort Sunset, but she still couldn't help but feel angry over what had happened.
“You're right. I trusted you, Sunset. I opened myself to you and gave you my virginity, but as you said, you used me to feel better about yourself."
Sunset's face filled with regret. She tried to speak up to apologize, but Twilight stopped her. "Wait. There is some stuff that I wanted to say to you, so please hear me out first."
Sunset nodded.
Twilight composed herself before she continued. She didn't want her words to contain any more anger than they had to. When she spoke her voice still carried pain and unhappiness, but the animosity was absent. "What you did - that really, really sucked. And I'm not familiar with love, and I admit don't know much about what sex means between people or ponies, but it made me feel really... cheap. I felt for a while that I'd lost a part of myself, that you'd ruined me, at least a little. I went home yesterday and cried for a bit, which made me feel better, but for the whole day I've just been... numb. I don't want to make you feel more guilty than I know you already are, but... I can't help it. I just had to let you know exactly how much you hurt me."
Sunset looked down. There were no tears, but she did look like she was about to cry.
Twilight ignored her expression. "And Sunset, there’s no ‘old you’ or ‘new you’. There’s just you - Sunset Shimmer. You don't get to pretend that both of them are different people. The person you are now is 'old you' with more lessons and experience. You've improved your strengths and diminished your flaws, but they're still a part of you. "
Twilight took a deep breath and exhaled. Having let it all out, she felt much better. She could feel the emotional wounds beginning to heal already.
"But at the same time," she continued, her tone now measured and calm, "we all make mistakes. You haven’t failed just because you... had a misstep. You just have to learn from what you did and try your best not to do anything like it again. You betrayed my trust, so you have to work to earn it back again. That's one of the first things I learned about friendship. I mean, I’ve learned so much but I'm still making mistakes and learning new things every day."
"And that's why... you can still wear this jacket, Sunset. You're still the same girl you were before yesterday, the same girl you've always been. You've learned about friendship and bettered yourself a lot and yesterday you made a big mistake. That's all part of who you are." She took off the jacket and handed it to Sunset.
Sunset took off her studded jacket and gave it to Twilight. She took the other one and slowly put it on.
"Twilight... I'm so sorry."
Twilight put on the studded jacket and smiled slightly for the first time since they met that evening.
"I forgive you."
Sunset returned the smile. "You really are perfect, you know? I was right when I said you are so much better than me."
Twilight sighed and shook her head. “I'm definitely not perfect. You might not believe this, but just last night I slept with a girl even though she was really depressed and wasn’t thinking straight.”
Sunset looked appalled. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for yesterday! I knew what I was doing, Twilight! You were just-”
“-thinking about my crush when I should have been trying to be your friend? I’m not devoid of blame, Sunset. Will you forgive me too?”
“There's nothing to forgive! I mean, if there was, then yes, of course I would forgive you, but even if I was depressed, it was still, like, almost entirely my fault.”
“Oh yeah, it was mostly you.” said Twilight. She broke into a short giggle.
Sunset chuckled along, nodding in agreement.
As their laughter subsided, the quiet of the evening wrapped again around the pair. Twilight's smile slowly fell as she remembered the reason she came here.
“Sunset, I talked to Princess Celestia. She told me everything.”
Sunset Shimmer’s eyes went wide. The earlier levity vanished. She looked away.
“Then I guess… I guess I’ve got no more secrets left.”
Twilight pulled the older girl into a close hug. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, into her ear.
Sunset didn’t turn as her arms wrapped around Twilight. “What for?”
“For everything that happened to you. I had a family of my own: parents, a brother, even Spike when we adopted him later on. Your mother was all you had and I took her from you.”
“It’s not your fault, Twilight. How could you have known?”
Twilight pulled back a little so that she could look Sunset in the eye, but still kept her arms holding the other girl.
“I can’t imagine how it must have been for you to have been through all that..."
Sunset cast her eyes downward. She leaned forward so that their heads touched, but stayed quiet for a while.
Presently she spoke. “Twilight, did you ever wonder why you never met this world’s version of me?”
“…No.” Twilight shook her head slightly, which made their foreheads rub together. The thought had honestly never occurred to her.
“I once asked Vice-Principal Luna if Principal Celestia ever had any children. I mean, it seemed really strange at the time that my counterpart didn’t seem to exist, but then I found out that Principal Celestia became pregnant right before her husband divorced her. Her daughter, the human-me… she was a stillbirth.”
Twilight’s eyes opened in shock.
“I was never meant to be born, Twilight. If Mother wasn’t an alicorn, if she didn’t have magic, I wouldn’t have made it either. I’m a… a freak of fate.”
Sunset pulled Twilight closer into another hug. Twilight heard her sniffle slightly before Sunset pulled apart again.
“Sometimes I wonder if things would have been better if I was never born either. I'm still not sure if Mom really wanted have me. Heck, I wasn't even allowed to call her 'Mom' except when we were in total privacy. Even in my journal I had to call her 'Princess Celestia' just in case anyone ever found it."
"It must have been terrible for you," said Twilight.
"I got used to it. And I don't blame her for that, at least. Lots of nobles have illegitimate foals, and you know how ruthless those hyenas in high society can be when they disapprove of what you do. So most of them just quietly drop their babies off at orphanages, or send them to servant's houses to be raised. Despite everything that happened later, I'm grateful she tried to bring me up herself."
"No wait. Hang on, Sunset. You... you shouldn't give your mother credit just because she did what she was supposed to do."
Sunset thought about it. "That's true, I guess. But I'm just saying it could have been a lot worse for me. I still had a very happy foalhood. I still treasure all the memories of that time."
An image of herself as a foal swum into her mind. She remembered having uncontrolled magical spurts at a young age, and Celestia had taught her how to control her awakening power, channeling it into levitating objects for the first time. She had been so happy when she managed to pick up a coin with her cyan aura, and her mother had looked so proud. That was long before she got her cutie-mark and everything went wrong.
"I have something I need to confess to you, Twilight. I... I knew about you when we were just fillies. It was after I got my cutie-mark but before you'd gotten yours."
Twilight nodded. "Princess Celestia told me."
"I... see. Well I was... I was always really jealous of you. Even back then. Do you know what happened the first time I tried to make friends on my own? I was already friendly with Princess Cadance, so I decided to give Mom’s advice a shot and started talking to other fillies at the school. Then one day soon after that I saw Cadance babysitting you and I… I just lost it. I was so jealous that I blew off all the friends I made and swore off friendship forever just because I thought you were taking Cadance away from me too. I mean you were younger than me, didn’t have your cutie-mark yet, and didn’t even know I existed, but I envied everything you had. How pathetic is that?”
Twilight broke the hug and put her hand on Sunset’s shoulder, making sure that Sunset was looking right at her. She ignored the tears forming in Sunset’s eyes.
“Sunset, putting your mother aside for a moment, there’s something I need to tell you. Despite everything you’ve said, all the mistakes you’ve made… I want you to know that I actually really admire you.”
“Wha…what? How can… how can you admire anything about me?”
“Sometimes I feel like... I feel like I lead a charmed life. There's so much I have, that I sometimes take for granted, without having to really earn them. My family, my friends, even my destiny... sometimes I feel like they all just fell into my hooves. And I know you say all that made you jealous, but when I see how much you had to struggle to get everything you have, all the trials you had to go through... I think that if it was me who grew up with only a mother who couldn't acknowledge me, who had to start all over in an alien world with nothing, and worst of all lost all my friends over and over again... I don't think I could have done as well as you did. I think I would have broken and given up ages ago. You... you are really strong, Sunset. When I saw how people were still treating you during the Battle of the Bands, and heard about what happened last year, I realized you are tougher than almost anyone I've ever met.
"And when you think about it, when we were younger we weren't really that different. I used to depend so much on Princess Celestia, even though she’s part of the reason I’m so... obsessive." Twilight took a deep breath and continued, "After we saved Princess Luna, I think Princess Celestia didn't need me anymore either. I mean, I know she was really happy to have her sister back, and I think she eventually understood that I couldn't actually be the daughter she lost, but she stopped paying as much attention to me too. I didn't handle it very well. But you broke free from her while you were still a filly and walked off to make your own way through life.”
That didn’t seem to cheer Sunset up. “My mom threw me out of the house , Twilight. I only ran away because I didn’t have a choice. I’m not sure I even really ‘broke free’ from her. Look what I did when I stole your crown! I did all that just to spite her. I was just acting out like a spoiled foal.”
“Yes… but it’s not like I never acted out either. I freaked out whenever I thought I would lose her approval. You wouldn’t believe the trouble I caused.”
“I can’t imagine it was anything like what I did,” Sunset said, flatly.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “I once tried to create a friendship problem just so that I could solve it in time to make my weekly report. It got so bad I cast a Want-it, Need-it spell on the whole of Ponyville and caused a riot.”
“Wow.”
“And in the end, Princess Celestia had to come solve my problem for me. That’s how dependent I was on her. I think, compared to how much your mother neglected you before you finally went crazy, my response was a lot less... proportionate.”
Sunset Shimmer wiped her tears away and smiled. “I guess we both needed to learn how not to let her define who we are.”
Twilight smiled back. “She really does have that effect on ponies, doesn’t she? Today I had to learn that my mentor isn’t nearly as perfect as I once thought she was. I can't believe how much I looked up to her. I still can't believe she'd try to replace you after you left.”
Sunset sighed resignedly. “I don't know how much I can blame her for that sometimes. She’s used to moving on when her loved ones come and go. We... had this talk once, when she was telling me one of the stories about my father. I mean, Mom has been around for Ages, in the historical sense of the term. My dad wasn’t the first stallion she loved, and I wasn’t her first foal, either. She outlasted them all, Twilight. She's had to bury so many friends and loved ones that I think she purposely tries to avoid falling in love just because of it. And every time one passed she always mourned them and then threw herself into her work, dedicated herself anew to Equestria. As time went on she began to recover faster and faster from her grief, because it's... almost a routine by now. That's just her way of dealing with the loss. I don’t think she could handle immortality if she didn’t.”
Twilight looked into the sky at the moon above them. "I wonder if that's why she was so obsessed with saving Princess Luna. They're the only two alicorns who are truly immortal. She's the only constant Celestia must have had..."
"I guess that makes sense. Compared to her ageless sister, the one lifetime she can spend with her daughter probably doesn't mean much."
“I don't know if that's really true, but she told me... she told me she still loves you and that she's sorry for what she did to you. I know she's hurt you and she honestly wasn't a very good mother, but I believe she really misses you and... really wants to make it up to you. She poured out all her pain to me today, all her regrets... and I think she's been blaming herself for everything you've suffered. Even when you were at your worst, she still thinks it was all her fault."
Sunset sighed. "You know, there was a time when I would have been happy to hear how much pain I caused her, but now I... I just feel kind of sad. Is it weird that I'm feeling pity for her?"
"Sunset, I think no matter what happened, she's still your mother and you still love her. When I told her about... us, she advised me to forgive you even if it didn't work out. And that even if I couldn't forgive you right away I should still try to eventually, because it would be a shame to ruin what we used to have over this. I know it isn't quite the same between you and her, but I think the advice is still appropriate... even if you only forgive her so that you can move beyond your past for good."
Sunset was quiet for a while. "...I'll try. Sometimes just thinking about her makes me irrationally angry and depressed."
Twilight smiled. "You don't have to talk to her until you're ready. You don't even have to talk to her anytime soon."
"We'll see, I guess." Suddenly Sunset stiffened as a realization hit her. "Wait, you told Mom we had sex? "
"Yeah, I know." Twilight blushed. "I didn't know she was your mother at the time."
Sunset covered her face with her hands, groaning in embarrassment. "Now I'm really dreading seeing her again."
"Well, that's what happens when you make me upset enough to have to ask her for advice," grinned Twilight.
Sunset snickered at the joke. Then she looked at Twilight, smiling just a little nervously. “Speaking of us… what are we, exactly? I mean… you know what I mean.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question? Have you figured out how you feel about me yet? Or do you still need more time?”
Sunset’s smile broadened slightly. “After tonight... I’m absolutely sure I like you. A lot. And I know for a fact that I don’t hate you, not anymore.” Her expression became a bit more serious. “But... I'm not sure I've really gotten over all our history. I mean, I'm crazy for you, but not all of it is in an entirely healthy way. And getting into bed together so quickly was a really bad idea, which I'm still really sorry about, by the way. So what I think is... we should like, spend more time together first, and go on some dates. That way I can also rebuild your trust in me.”
Twilight beamed. “I'd like that. I have a good feeling about us. At least we know now we can be honest with each other.”
Suddenly an idea struck Sunset. “Hey, wanna see something cool?”
“Oooookay?”
Sunset took Twilight by the hand and led her up to the top of the hill. As they passed the crest, the town’s main square came into view. The buildings were covered with rows and rows of bright lights, illuminating the area in a warm festive glow. Along the edges were little display houses that looked like they were made of gingerbread, and there seemed to be a lot of giant candy canes planted into the ground. In the middle of the square was an enormous tree decorated in glowing ornaments that twinkled with reflections of the lights. Surrounding it were a large number of people walking through the square enjoying the holiday.
“Gosh.”
“Neat, huh? It’s a bit like Hearth’s Warming back home, but with more lights. Oh, and they always decorate a big fir tree with bells and stuff.”
“Why?”
Sunset thought for a minute. “Hmm… I don’t know, actually. There doesn’t seem to be any reason other than tradition.”
Twilight giggled. “It’s beautiful.”
Twilight put one arm around Sunset’s waist and leaned against her shoulder. She turned her head, gazing into her eyes, and then pecked her lightly on the lips.
“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Sunset Shimmer,” she said.
“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Twilight Sparkle.”
Author's Note
A lot of what is referenced in the previous few chapters is in IDW's The Fall of Sunset Shimmer . It's actually a really interesting read despite how many continuity issues it creates. Specific to this chapter, there is one frame where Sunset is talking to Lyra, Minuette, Twinkleshine, pre-Amending Fences Moondancer and Lemon Hearts (They're not just there as random background ponies, either. The writer clearly picked them on purpose because they're the same friends that Twilight has in Friendship is Magic, Part 1 and later, in Amending Fences) all while Cadance, Shining Armor and Twilight are in the background having a picnic. That frame incidentally gave me the most headaches of any part of the EQG universe because it implied that all six mares were adults while Twilight was still a blank-flank filly. Which makes no sense. It also implied that Cadance was living in the palace while Sunset Shimmer was Celestia's student, so why didn't Cadance know about her?
The best I could do to make it work for this fic was to assume that it's just how the artist drew slightly older fillies, and that Twilight was a late bloomer. Because the idea that time-dilation was involved (for Sunset) and that somehow Twilight's friends stopped aging just breaks Occam's Razor into bits.
Anyway whenever I read that page the thing that comes to mind is that Sunset saw Twilight with Cadance and thought, "FRIENDSHIP IS A LIE!!!!"
Everything I've Ever Wanted
“Ugh. My neck’s a little stiff,” muttered Sunset Shimmer.
“You know, I could have taken the couch.” Twilight stretched her wings as she put her hooves onto the crystal floor. “I feel kind of bad about forcing you out of your own bed.”
“You were my guest – you get the bed. That’s how it works.” Sunset shifted her weight uneasily as she got used to her hooves. “It feels kinda weird to be on all fours again. Been over a year since I was back.”
“How long did you stay for the last time you visited Equestria? I mean, other than any crown-stealing excursions,” said Twilight with a smirk.
“Oh, har har. Well, I actually first arrived in the early evening. I was really surprised to find out that the Crystal Mirror wasn’t in Canterlot, so I guess I was only around for about an hour or so while I figured out the layout of the place.” Sunset glanced at a nearby book and smiled as a cyan aura lifted it into the air. “Heh. I really missed using magic. Still got it.”
“Well then, aren’t you glad you agreed spend the rest of your winter break visiting Ponyville? I’m so happy you were willing to take this tiny step to come back with me. Oh, I can’t wait to introduce you to all my friends!” said Twilight excitedly. Then she rubbed her chin with her hoof. “Actually, they’ll all probably be pretty familiar to you.”
Just then, a little purple dragon appeared in the doorway, wearing an apron and holding a spatula. “Ah ha! I figured you stayed over on the other side of the mirror again when I saw the portal still open this morn… Sunset Shimmer?” Spike looked Sunset up and down. “Hmm. You’re not as big as I remember.”
She chuckled. “You’re too used to meeting me as a human. I don’t think we had much time to interact the last time you saw me as a pony. Happy Hearth’s Warming, by the way.”
“Happy Hearth’s Warming to both of you,” he said casually. “I didn’t really expect to see you here. I was about to fry some hay bacon. You guys want some?”
Seeing the dragon suddenly brought a thought to Twilight’s mind. “Oh! Happy Hearth’s Warming, Spike! Hey, why don’t you two have a chat while I bring your present down?” She ushered him closer to Sunset right before galloping upstairs to her bedroom.
I wonder what that’s all about, thought Sunset as she watched Twilight go. She turned back to Spike and did her best to be friendly. “So uh… I haven’t seen you much on the other side recently. Been busy?”
“Nope,” he said. “I just don’t like being a dog.”
“That is… a very good reason.” Sunset hadn’t thought about how the transformation worked. “Wait a sec. You’re standing on two legs.”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “No, really?”
“Look, it’s not like I’ve ever met any other baby dragons,” said Sunset defensively. “No, what I mean is, you go from biped to quadruped when you pass through the mirror, while for Twilight and me it was the other way around. Isn’t that weird?”
“Huh. I guess I never thought about that. I always just assumed that mirror hated me.”
“I’m not sure if the mirror really decides what we turn into." She considered what she knew about it. "The human Twilight has a dog named Spike. Maybe we turn into whatever our alternate-universe counterparts are?”
Spike didn't seem very happy with that explanation. “I’m not sure I like the idea that the powers-that-be consider me a pet. I think I’d feel better thinking it’s just the mirror being vindictive.”
Their conversation was interrupted as the sound of hooves on crystal heralded Twilight bounding back down the staircase. Clasped in her magic was a large gift box that looked very hastily wrapped.
“Here’s your present!” She floated the box over into Spike’s claws as she kissed him on the forehead. “For the best number-one assistant ever!”
“Aww, there’s no need for that mushy stuff,” blushed Spike, obviously lying. He tore open the box and gawked at the sheer quantity of gems. “Woah! Are these all for me?”
“Yep. Don’t eat them all at once, okay?”
She turned to Sunset, looking sheepish. “I uh… didn’t get you anything. I didn’t know that humans exchanged gifts for Hearth’s Warming too.”
The unicorn didn’t look like she minded. “I think you’ve already given me the best gift I could want.” she said, grinning. “I hope you like your present, by the way. It’s written by one of the greatest human minds ever.”
“It looks great,” said Twilight, gazing at the copy of A Brief History of Time . “I can’t wait to read it. Anyway! Let’s make breakfast together with Spike. Then we can go out and I can show you around. Oh gosh, Pinkie Pie is so going to throw you a party!”
***
Sunset poured out another cup of punch as she surveyed the celebrations around her. It looked like the entire town was in attendance, carousing merrily in the castle’s grand ballroom.
“I’m kind of surprised Pinkie Pie could set all this up in a few hours.”
Twilight sniggered. “She throws a party for everypony new to Ponyville. Though this is a lot bigger than the usual affair - I think she was probably already planning a Hearth’s Warming party for the whole town, so she just moved it to the castle when she met you.”
“Heh. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but your Pinkie is, like, more Pinkie than Pinkie .” The awkward phrasing made Sunset frown. “Does that make any sense?”
“Believe me, I know what you’re talking about,” replied Twilight. “I think it must be Equestrian magic or something that lets her be even more random than human-Pinkie.”
Sunset looked over at the pink party pony. She was performing a dance that looked strangely like a cowboy riding a horse and twirling a lasso, followed by putting her forehooves to her hips and wiggling her flank and hind hooves. “I wonder if we could come up with an experiment to find out why…”
Twilight gave her a warning look. “Oh, trust me, you do not want to do that. I lost nearly all my equipment the last time I tried to do any kind of science involving Pinkie.”
“I guess some things were not meant for ponies to know,” chuckled Sunset.
Suddenly the face of a mint-green unicorn mare moved right into her field of vision. “Sunset Shimmer! Oh my gosh, it’s been years since we last saw each other!”
Sunset’s eyes widened in surprise. “Lyra Heartstrings? I thought you lived in Canterlot!”
“Nah, I've been living here for awhile. Whatever happened to you, by the way? One moment you were top student at the school and then the next you completely vanished!”
“Oh uh…” Sunset said evasively. “I kind of moved away.”
“Well, it’s great to see you again! Hey, let me introduce you to my marefriend. This is Bon Bon!” she said, gesturing at the pale yellow earth pony next to her. “Bon Bon, this is Sunset Shimmer. She used to be Princess Celestia’s student. Incredible, huh?”
Sunset smiled. “Hi, great to meet you.” She noticed her distinctive blue-and-fuchsia mane. “You know, you look really familiar. Have I ever seen you around Canterlot?”
Bon Bon seemed very nervous for some reason, sweating profusely despite the cool temperature. “Err no, I don’t think we’ve… ever met, haha. You must have me confused with somepony else - Oh hey, there’s Vinyl!” she said, pointing towards the DJ. “Gotta go talk to her. Great meeting you, Sunset!”
Lyra watched her canter off. “I’d better go with her. Hey, keep in touch, okay? We should catch up one of these days.”
“I’d like that. Actually, you know that theory you had about primates back when we were in school? I think I’d like to talk to you about that sometime!” Sunset said, raising her voice at the end as Lyra walked away, waving.
Twilight came up to her. “You know Lyra?”
“Yeah. Remember what I told you last night? She was one of the friends I blew off.” Sunset thought back to that day she saw Twilight having a picnic with Cadance. “I think I remember being really rude, in fact.”
“Well, it looks like she doesn’t hold it against you. You know, I was also kind of a terrible friend to her back when we were in school.”
“What, really? You knew her too?” said Sunset, surprised.
“Oh yeah. Can you believe I lived in Ponyville for over a year without realizing we used to hang out when we were fillies? I couldn’t even remember her name.”
Sunset grinned. “Heh. Guess we were even more alike than we thought.”
“Speaking of friends, I’m really glad you got along with all the girls,” smiled Twilight. “It looks like they will approve of you at least.”
“Well actually, it does kind of feel like I’ve known them for years. It’s uncanny how similar everypony in Ponyville is to the students at Canterlot High.”
“Oh yeah, definitely,” agreed Twilight. “How do you think I felt when I first arrived there? It was like walking into a bizarre alternate universe. When I met all the human versions of my friends, I nearly freaked out.”
“Well, thank you for introducing me to them.” Sunset gave Twilight a quick hug. “That’s two sets of friends I owe you for now.”
Just then, one of the nearby mares pointed to the entrance and exclaimed, “Oh my gosh! This party is officially off the hook! ”
Sunset turned to see what the commotion was all about, and her jaw dropped in horror as she realized who the subject of everypony’s attention was. Standing in the large doorway was a brilliant white alicorn, rubbing one fetlock with her hoof nervously as she looked in Sunset’s direction.
“Hello everypony. I… received a party invitation?”
***
Twilight facehoofed as she whispered to Pinkie, “You invited Princess Celestia ?”
Watching Sunset’s reaction, Pinkie very quickly realized the awkwardness of the situation. She whispered back embarrassedly, “I thought they’d be happy to see each other again after so long! I’m so sorry Twilight! I didn’t mean for this to happen!”
“No, no, it’s not your fault.” Twilight groaned. “We didn’t tell you girls anything about their history. Oh gosh, this is going to be a disaster.”
Sunset looked around, almost panicking. Fortunately it seemed like the rest of the town had not caught on to the tension between the Princess and the yellow unicorn whom they had just met. Still shaken, she asked, “Uh, can we… can we have a word in private for a moment?”
Twilight turned back to Sunset as Celestia quietly headed into an adjacent room. “Are you going to be okay? Do you need me to be in there with you?”
Sunset didn’t turn to face her. Now that the initial shock had worn off, her temper had instead taken hold. Every word in her voice sounded like pressurized air escaping. “No, I’m not okay. But I think you’d better let me talk to… her alone. I’m… not sure this will be very pretty.”
“All right…” Twilight nodded, even though Sunset couldn’t see her. “But I’ll be here if you need me. And… try to keep calm, okay?”
“I am calm .” growled Sunset.
She made her way into the side room, which turned out to be one of the many reading rooms in Twilight’s expansive library. Sunset closed the doors and turned to face Princess Celestia, who stood abashedly in the middle of the room, unable to look her daughter in the eye.
“Sunset…”
“Princess Celestia.”
The titled greeting made the alicorn flinch.
“I just…” Sunset tried to think of what she wanted to say, but her anger made it hard to do so. “I’m not… AAARGH!” she roared, stomping her hooves in frustration. “I wasn’t ready to talk to you yet!”
Celestia nodded dejectedly. “I understand. I’ll leave.” She turned, intending to exit discreetly through one of the balconies. “I’m sorry I ruined the party for you.”
“No, wait.” Sunset took several long breaths, trying to get ahold of herself. “This party’s already ruined. You may as well stay.”
“…All right.” Celestia quietly lowered her flank to the floor. “Sunset… I’m not asking you to forgive me. What I did – replacing you, that was unforgivable, I know. I don’t know if there’s anything I could do to make up for what I did. I just very much wanted to see you again.”
“Well, now you’ve seen me.” Sunset was still seething. “You can see what a disappointment I am. I didn’t fulfill your prophecy, or become a princess like you wanted.”
“Sunset, I don’t want that any more. It was wrong of me to place those expectations on you when I wasn’t sure which filly would fulfill-”
“YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME!” yelled Sunset. She had been trying to keep her temper in check, but years of bottled rage had uncontrollably spilled to the surface. “You know, up until just four days ago I still thought everything happened because I just wasn’t good enough; and I had to find out from Twilight of all ponies! Everything I did could have been avoided if you just sat me down and explained years ago that you made a mistake! I would have been angry, and hurt, but in the end I would have accepted it! But you couldn’t admit that you were wrong!”
“I’m admitting it now.” Celestia’s face was covered in regret. “I don’t have any excuses. I put so much pressure on you to become who I wanted you to be, but I didn’t have the courage to tell you that all of it was for nothing. I wish I could go back and change what I did, but I can’t. I’m sorry, Sunset.”
The fury on Sunset’s face told Celestia that her answer hadn’t helped.
“This… isn’t working out, is it?”
“It’s a bit late to apologize,” Sunset said between clenched teeth. “I don’t know what you were hoping for when you came here. Did you think I’d be happy to see you? I’ve hated you for years! I’m trying to stay rational, but every time I look at you I just get so angry! It’s not like we can sit down like we used to and… and…”
She closed her eyes, calming herself as best as she could. Then she said quietly, “I have an idea.”
Sunset walked to the door and opened it, hoping that Twilight was on the other side. Fortunately, although the party was still in full swing she had remained seated nearby, awaiting the outcome of the talk. Sunset motioned to her.
“Hey Twilight,” she said, with a bit better control than before. “Could we… could we get a pot of tea?”
***
Sunset Shimmer and Princess Celestia waited silently as the water boiled in the kitchen. Spike soon came in carrying the steaming kettle, carefully placing it on a mat and waving the Princess a quick “hello” before retreating tactfully.
Between them was a little coffee table they had found in the room, where they had laid out the teapot and cups in preparation for the kettle. Accompanying them were a matching porcelain creamer and sugar bowl. Sunset took hold of the teapot and poured in a little boiling water, swirling it around so that the heat could properly warm it before being emptied. Then she added two teabags and filled the teapot, letting it sit to brew.
Tea was one of the little rituals Sunset and Celestia had shared almost since the beginning. It was a reminder of a happier time in their relationship, when Sunset’s very existence was still cloaked in complete secrecy. Every afternoon, Celestia would take a break from the business of government to have tea in her private chambers, which meant that Sunset could finally spend some time with her mother after a day of being alone or cared for by a trusted maid. Sunset remembered eagerly awaiting afternoon tea just so she could tell Celestia all about what she had learned or played with that day. She thought of how she used to dread the possibility that her mother would be forced to miss their time together due to diplomatic or ceremonial reasons. It meant a few more hours of disappointed waiting until dusk, when Celestia would end her official workday to lower the sun and raise the moon.
Waiting for the brew also gave Sunset time to properly compose herself and try to relax. Fortunately, it seemed that Twilight had fully soundproofed the reading room, though considering what Twilight had told her about Ponyville’s usual bouts of craziness, Sunset wasn’t too surprised. Sheltered from the noise of the party, it felt much easier to remain level-headed in its silence.
“The tea is ready,” she said. Sunset knew she didn’t actually have to tell her mother this. After centuries of appreciating tea, Celestia could flawlessly pick the correct moment to begin. But Sunset had mentioned it deliberately, because she knew what it would prompt the alicorn to do.
Celestia’s golden magical aura wrapped around the teapot.
“No,” said Sunset, firmly.
The aura vanished.
Instead, Sunset picked up the teapot in her own cyan aura and poured into the teacups, where their preferred quantities of milk had already been added. It was a subtle gesture of defiance, one that she knew Celestia would not fail to notice.
When a family shares tea, it is traditionally the mother’s role to pour.
Sunset then added one cube of sugar to her cup using the elegant pair of tongs that Twilight had provided. Celestia had two cubes – her sweet tooth was rather famous. After waiting for the sugar to begin dissolving, both took their teaspoons and stirred with a perfect silence.
Sunset sipped.
Equish Breakfast Tea.
Sunset had always liked black teas, and Equish Breakfast was her favorite blend. She generally avoided coffee, so the extra caffeine had always been useful to help her stay awake while studying. Celestia had always been much more partial to Maresala Chai, especially with honey – a preference that had been passed on to Twilight. But Sunset had decided to take full advantage of her mother’s cooperative mood, especially when she had noticed the teabags in Twilight’s kitchen that morning. After years of drinking water or sodas in another world, holding a teacup with her magic and sipping the tea she liked best felt like a strange homecoming, even more so than the actual passing through the portal.
She set the cup back onto the saucer and said, “Okay. I’m ready to talk now.”
Celestia set her own teacup down and paused as she considered what to say to her daughter. But all the explanations and entreaties she had thought of earlier now seemed hollow.
“I’m so sorry, Sunset. I truly am.”
“I know.” There was no bitterness in her reply this time.
There was another long pause. Sunset didn’t look like she would speak, so Celestia broke the silence.
“Sunset, isn’t there anything you want to say to me at all?”
“I’m still trying to figure out how much of this you planned.”
The statement didn’t surprise Celestia. There were very few ponies that had seen every part of her personality, especially those parts that she kept hidden from the public eye. Of those closest to her only a handful had ever known her as well as her own daughter.
“You’re the most manipulative person… pony… creature ever,” said Sunset, matter-of-factly. “I know how good you are at making big changes happen with small gestures. Don’t think for a moment I don’t know what you were doing when you sent Twilight my journal. Even Twilight figured out that I’d written into it only after you sent it to her.”
“It’s true. I never got the message you sent me to relay to her. I sent it to her after I had the mirror moved to her castle in the hopes that she would be able to find a way to open the portal before the thirty moons passed. That you needed her help to face the Sirens was a coincidence, though it did motivate her to find a solution much quicker than I had hoped.”
Sunset looked at her flatly. “Is there anything else?”
Celestia thought for a while. “I’ve asked her many times in the past to persuade you to visit. I may also have put some emphasis on forgiveness when Twilight came to me for advice yesterday. It was not intentional, but I think I was unconsciously hoping that spirit of forgiveness would rub off onto you.”
“I did think of that. Twilight even quoted your advice word for word.” Sunset frowned for a moment, but the expression faded quickly. She took another sip of tea before saying, “That’s just the sort of thing you do without even trying. I don’t even know if I can get mad at you for that any more. But that’s… that’s not what I was wondering about.”
“I know,” Celestia said, nodding in understanding. “You’re wondering if I might have pushed you and Twilight… together.” A tiny flicker of anger from Sunset’s eyes confirmed that it was indeed what the unicorn suspected. “Sunset, I’ve done many things to both you and Twilight that I regret terribly, but I promise, I swear to you, I would never do anything like that. The feelings she had for you were genuine, and whatever both of you shared was entirely your own doing. I give you my solemn word that except for the advice I gave her when she asked yesterday, I never meddled.”
Sunset believed her. She had been afraid that their already fragile relationship would be tainted by her mother’s manipulations, so those assurances brought her some relief. “Aren’t you going to ask how that turned out?”
Celestia raised her teacup to her lips. “Since you’re here now I can only presume she has at least somewhat forgiven you. But I imagine if you wanted me to know anything else, you’d tell me.”
“You’re right. I don’t.” said Sunset, just a little too hurriedly to be casual. Seeking to change the subject, she asked, “Why did you come, anyway? You never bothered before.”
“When you refused to come back, I knew you didn’t want to see me, Sunset,” said Celestia bitterly. “I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already had. You had your own new life and you didn’t need a horrible mother to bring back all the pain for you. But when Twilight began asking about you, I suppose… I hoped she would convince you to settle our differences. And when I got that invitation, even though I knew it was very unlikely you would be happy to see me, I decided to throw caution to the wind and come, because I wanted very much to see you again.
“Seeing you today makes me so happy, Sunset,” Celestia continued, smiling sadly. “No, I’m more than happy. Even if you never forgive me, just seeing you has relieved me of a pain that I’ve borne ever since you left. It’s selfish of me, I know - but for so long I was afraid that you were dead. Even when Twilight told me you were well, I wanted to see you with my own eyes, just to be sure.”
“I don’t believe you.” Sunset’s tone was accusatory, but she was still calm. “You forgot me once I was gone and didn’t remember until I came back.”
“I never forgot you, Sunset. After many years, I admit that I gave up and accepted that you were probably dead. But I never forgot you.”
“No, I came back and I saw it with my own eyes. You replaced me.” Tears welled in her eyes, and one spilled out down her cheek. “Twilight was everything you ever wanted in a daughter, the pony who could fulfill your prophecy and bring your sister back to you. She was the good filly who did whatever you asked, never disobeyed you or tried to rise above her place. Once you had her you didn’t need me anymore and forgot all about me.”
“I… I did replace you with Twilight.” Celestia hung her head in shame. “It’s true, I don’t deny it. I missed you, and I missed what we had, and I wanted it all back so much that I used Twilight as a substitute and pretended she was you. It’s also true that I tried very hard to turn her into exactly what I wanted you to be. After she grew into the role I created, I guided her onto the destiny I once thought was yours.” She recounted the path that Twilight had taken. “I sent her to Ponyville to find the Elements of Harmony. There she met the friends who would love and support her and teach her all about friendship. When Nightmare Moon appeared they used the Elements to defeat her and save my sister Luna. After the battle in the Crystal Empire failed to trigger the next step of Twilight’s destiny, I instead sent her one of Starswirl’s incomplete spells. She finished it using her understanding of friendship, a concept that Starswirl never mastered. By doing so she finally became an alicorn and I crowned her a Princess of Equestria.
“Later on, Discord’s thousand-year-old magic threw Equestria into chaos once again, which led Twilight and her friends to the Tree of Harmony, where Luna and I found the Elements a thousand years ago. And so the cycle came back full circle – the Elements were returned to the Tree and eventually after the battle with Tirek, the Tree revealed the Cutie Map, and created her castle.”
“All that was what I had once hoped for you. You know by now that on the Tree was carved her cutie-mark, the Element of Magic. And yes, the day you got your own cutie-mark, I knew you were not the one. I’m so sorry, Sunset. I had to give her everything I thought was yours.”
Celestia was forced to stop, because the admissions had made Sunset begin to cry uncontrollably. The unicorn covered her face with her hooves, bawling and hiccupping and sniffling. It was everything that Sunset didn’t like to hear, because it was a reminder of all the dreams that she had once had and was encouraged to have. They were dreams that never had the slimmest chance of ever coming true, no matter how hard she worked, because the arbitrary whims of fate had decreed otherwise. Seeing her daughter weeping in anguish made Celestia want to rush over and hug her, but she knew Sunset didn’t want to be held by the one who had caused her such pain and that trying would only hurt her even more.
But she had to tell Sunset the ugly, blunt truth because she couldn’t hide it from her any more. She knew that Sunset had wanted those admissions, because it meant admitting that she had indeed replaced her with an outsider and given that outsider everything that had been meant for her. So instead, she raised one wing and draped it over her daughter’s shoulder in a way that she hoped would ease her agony slightly without aggravating it.
“I wish… I wish I’d never gotten my cutie-mark!” sobbed Sunset.
Hearing her say that broke Celestia’s heart. She knew that a cutie-mark represented a pony’s very identity, and being denied that identity usually drove ponies to madness. It meant that she had caused her daughter so much pain that Sunset had come to reject herself .
“I didn’t want to come back,” Sunset continued, choking back her tears. “I wanted to become my own po… person! I didn’t even want to be a pony anymore! I threw away what I used to be so that I could be free of you. I didn’t even keep my… my cutie-mark on my new clothes. But Twilight w-was right, I can’t pretend that my old self was some other pony. Even if I hated her because she wasn’t good enough for her own mother, she’s still part of me. ”
Celestia took her wing off Sunset’s shoulder as the unicorn’s crying died down. “I admit that I replaced you with Twilight, Sunset. It was terribly unfair to her and even more terribly unfair to you. But I never stopped loving you. Twilight was never my daughter and even though I confess that sometimes… I wished that she was, I knew that thinking of her that way would be never be anything more than a lie. I loved you, and I still love you. I only wish I could have realized how important you were to me before I lost you.”
“You don’t know how much I wanted to hear that from you then,” Sunset sniffled. “That… that you loved me. You stopped when I grew older, when I got my cutie-mark – when I couldn’t be what you wanted. I didn’t even know why you didn’t love me anymore.”
“Oh Sunset, if I could go back I would tell you every day. I know that’s the worst thing I did, even more so than replacing you. I neglected you and when you got angry I punished you for feeling what you had every right to feel. I didn’t see it then, but everything you did, all the arrogance and rebellion and defiance, all of it was caused by me.”
“Do you even know how much you hurt me to make me that way?” Sunset’s pained voice cracked as she fought to prevent herself from breaking down again. “I felt like a failure for years . I didn’t even know that there was no way at all for me to succeed, so I kept trying! And when it didn’t work and you got annoyed at me I kept thinking that there was some lesson that I didn’t understand or some profound truth that I failed to realize, but there wasn’t…”
A fresh steam of tears spilled from her eyes. “I failed just- just for being who I am. All I wanted then was to make you proud of me…”
For the first time that day Celestia had nothing to say. She wanted to tell Sunset that she was proud of her, but she realized that Sunset would know immediately that it wasn’t true. She realized with regret that in all the years since their quarrels began she had never once allowed herself to truly feel proud of her daughter.
“Oh Sunset, I am so sorry…”
“That doesn’t make me feel better!” said Sunset, wringing her hooves. “All you’re doing is saying you’re sorry but it doesn’t change the fact that you did all those things that hurt me… and it hurts to hear you say it!”
“It’s because I am sorry, and yes, I know how much I hurt you,” replied Celestia regretfully. “I can’t undo all the mistakes I made. The only thing I can do is to try to make amends now. I could promise to try to be a better mother from now on, but you’re a grown mare who doesn’t need me anymore. Self-recrimination and apologies are… are all I have. It’s all I can do.”
“I know you’re hoping we can go back to being mother and daughter but I… I can’t,” Sunset agonized. She slumped onto the table and covered her head with her hooves. “I want to forgive you, but it’s… it’s too much, I just can’t.”
Celestia’s heart sank. But she understood. Even what little consideration Sunset had given her today was more than she’d had in years. It had been more than she had expected, even.
“I deserve that,” she said. “I broke what we were so hard that I don’t know if it can ever be put back again. I’m so sorry Sunset, for everything.”
There was silence. Celestia slowly got to her hooves.
Sunset put her hooves on the table and gradually pushed herself upright. “I suppose… this is goodbye.”
Celestia nodded. “Goodbye, Sunset… and thank you. For putting yourself through this for me.”
As she walked upstairs to the balcony, Sunset called to her.
“Hey.”
Celestia stopped.
“I’ll… I’ll try. I’ll try to forgive you. Maybe when I do… I’ll come see you again.”
Celestia smiled hopefully to her daughter. Then she left.
Sunset wiped away her tears, and drank the rest of her tea. She didn’t want to walk out to the party while looking a sight, so she entered a nearby washroom and cleaned herself up the way she always did whenever she didn’t want anypony to know that she had been crying. Then she finally walked out back into the reading room and opened the doors.
Twilight was waiting there as she had been before, and the young alicorn looked over with concern as Sunset exited. Sunset looked back at her and slowly shook her head.
Twilight nodded in understanding. A reconciliation that day was extremely unlikely, because just persuading Sunset to visit Ponyville had already been difficult. So she walked up to Sunset and gave her a nuzzling hug before leading her away from the noise of the party. She knew that Sunset would want to be alone.
Everything I've Ever Wanted
Twilight lay in her bed, tossing and turning. She was being plagued by the most annoying of afflictions, one which she had never managed to overcome and had always inevitably forced her to continue working on until she gave in to sheer exhaustion.
It was a problem she couldn’t solve.
Princess Celestia’s sudden appearance and abrupt departure had not gone unnoticed, but that was easily explained away with the usual excuse of “important royal business”. Sunset’s withdrawal had been a lot more difficult, since her name was plastered on several of the banners, but eventually the crowd stopped asking questions and moved on to enjoying the party all the way to the night. Meanwhile, Sunset had sequestered herself in the guest room Twilight had prepared for her, and had not emerged since. When Twilight had last seen her, the obvious depression Sunset showed profoundly worried the alicorn. She knew that Sunset would eventually cheer up; she always did. But thinking of the rift between mother and daughter disturbed her.
If I interfere, it could just make things worse. But they’re both so important to me; I can’t just stand back and do nothing!
The matter was quite vexing to her, and her apparent powerlessness only made her even more worried and frustrated. She wondered if she should consult Cadance. But Cadance was far away in the Crystal Empire, and explaining the entire current situation would take an extensive letter. Twilight wasn’t sure putting the entire affair to paper was a good idea, since Sunset’s relationship to Celestia was supposed to be a strict secret. She would have to discuss it with Cadance later on, when the other alicorn next happened to visit. In any case, there was no guarantee that it would result in a solution. Twilight was fairly sure that the kind of relationship Sunset had with her mother was outside of Cadance’s usual expertise, which tended to focus on romantic love.
And I’m the Princess of Friendship. I wonder if there’s ever been a Princess of Family?
The worst thing about this was that the exact pony whom Twilight would normally ask for advice regarding family issues had just proven herself to be very, very bad at them.
They say time heals all wounds. But I really hope it doesn’t take years for them to talk again. Once Sunset’s vacation is over, it’s going to become even harder, too. They’ll be in entirely different worlds – how will they bridge that gap?
And then the answer hit her.
***
One week later -
“Are you sure you have to go back now?” asked Twilight. “I was kind of hoping you could stay till tomorrow morning. You could walk right through the portal into school.”
Earlier that day, when Sunset had told Twilight of her intent to depart in the evening, the alicorn had accepted it without complaint. But it was now almost dusk, and perhaps it was the actuality of standing in front of the mirror that made Twilight change her mind. She was now hoping Sunset would stay a little longer.
Sunset shook her head. “It’s the first day of the new year in the human world, Twilight. School starts tomorrow. I’ve had a really great week here, and I really want to spend more time with you, but I think I need some time this evening to get ready.”
“What could you possibly need to do that you can’t do here?” asked Twilight, one eyebrow raised. “I mean, the mirror will give you a fresh set of clothes when you pass through it, and you could easily take a bath in the castle.”
That statement made Sunset grin. “I don’t think you quite understand the differences between pony and human grooming… especially for girls. There’s a lot of stuff I’m pretty sure I have to take care of after a whole week of being here.” She looked down at herself. “Thank goodness it’s still winter and I’ll be wearing long pants and boots for the rest of the season. I might be able to skip shaving my legs for now.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever get how humans treat their bodies. First they get rid of all of their fur and then they compulsively cover themselves in clothes to make up for it.”
“That’s just the way it works. I’m not as popular as I once was, but I’m still considered one of the most attractive girls in school. And that attractiveness takes a lot of maintenance,” smirked Sunset.
“Okay, I guess,” said Twilight disappointedly. Then she perked up a little. “But before you go, I have something for you.”
She dashed upstairs and quickly came back with an oblong package wrapped in festive blue wrapping paper and tied with a red ribbon. “Consider it a really late Hearth’s Warming gift.”
“I did say you didn’t have to get me anything,” smiled Sunset. She took hold of the gift and touched it with her hoof. Unsurprisingly, it felt like a book.
Twilight’s face suddenly became serious. “It’s not just for you. Go on, open it.”
Sunset looked at her quizzically. She tore open the wrapping paper to reveal an exquisitely made leather-bound book with a golden trim. On the cover was a familiar red-and-yellow eight-flared sunburst. It looked exactly like her journal, the one she had kept for years.
She opened it. The smell of brand new pages wafted from the tome, a smell that she had loved ever since she was a filly. The pages were blank.
“Is this what I think it is?”
Twilight nodded. “I gave another similar journal to Princess Celestia. You know, when the public postal service was introduced, a lot of important academics complained that it would make communication very impersonal, and discourage ponies from visiting each other in order to talk. But I think that distance can help us in this case. If meeting Princess Celestia makes you angry at her, maybe being able to write to her will be much easier.”
She looked to the mirror above them. A magenta aura took hold of the book there and floated it down to them, opening it to the first few pages. “When you met her a week ago you wanted tea because it reminded you of a happier time of your foalhood. All these entries I’ve read here… they sound like you loved writing to your mother. When you went to the human world your journal was the one thing you kept with you through the years, and I think it’s because you wanted to still be able to look back and remember those days, back when your relationship with her was still strong. And even now this journal is what keeps the connection between you and her - and you and me - still possible, because it keeps that mirror, that door open for you to come back.
“But that’s the journal of your past. It’s a past filled with a lot of pain and sadness, a past that’s been tainted by me. In a manner of speaking, Princess Celestia did give me this journal. So, now you have a new one. You can think about what you want to write before you write it, and you don’t have to open up any more than you want to. But at least now you can begin whenever you want to rather than having to first work yourself up to be able to see her.”
Sunset took hold of the old journal that had once belonged to her mother. The first entry was familiar to her, having read it dozens of times when she was still a filly, even if it had been years since she had last looked at it.
Dearest Sunset Shimmer,
I trust you like your new journal. I know that I cannot be there for you as often as I’d like because of my work, but through this I hope to always be able to keep in contact with the little filly that I care for so very much. Now you can tell me all about what you have been up to, and your words can bring delight to my heart even when I am away.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Love always,
Princess Celestia
She leafed through the pages, memories of the days she had written about slowly returning to her. They were the days in when she still lived in a palace studying magic, when it seemed like the future would be endlessly bright. They contained all the joy and wonder of an innocent filly who had no idea of the pain and loneliness that awaited her.
No wonder I haven’t read my journal in ages.
Her cyan aura closed it and returned it to its spot on the mirror. Sunset looked at the cover of her new journal, smiling at what it represented: a brand new start, of a future still unwritten and filled with new possibilities. She turned to Twilight and slowly pulled her close.
“Thank you.”
Twilight smiled. She wrapped Sunset in her hooves and wings and nuzzled her.
“You’re welcome.”
They pulled apart a little, just enough to be able to look each other in the eyes. Without another word Sunset closed the gap between their lips and pulled Twilight into a prolonged kiss.
It had been rather difficult to share their affection for each other that week, because most of that time had been spent in the company of friends and they didn’t want to have to explain the awkward circumstances of their relationship while they were still working it out. And at night, when Spike had been asleep, they had avoided too much intimacy in case they got carried away again. But now, on the cusp of having to finally part after a week together, it felt perfect. They stood there, lips locked for a long while, relishing in that intimate moment.
Until they were interrupted by an odd, “Buh!”
Sunset and Twilight turned instantly to see a very shocked and blushing dragon staring at them in the doorway.
“I uh, came to say goodbye to Sunset, but… never mind, I think I have to get back to cleaning the library!” said Spike as he ran off.
Twilight groaned. “Now I’ll have to have a talk with him so that he understands what’s happening. And to get him to Pinkie-promise not to tell anypony.”
“Well, in that case I think it’ll be fine if we had just one more kiss,” Sunset said, giving Twilight another short smooch. “Anyway, he was bound to find out sooner or later. Spike’s young, but he’s pretty sharp.”
“Still not going to be a fun discussion,” sighed Twilight. “Oh well. I’m sorry your gift was so late, but it took a while to have it enchanted. Try to write to her when you can manage it, okay?”
Sunset nodded. She gave Twilight one last hug before exchanging goodbyes and leaving through the portal.
***
Sunset Shimmer stepped out of her bathroom. It had been a very eventful week. The townsfolk of Ponyville were absolutely wonderful, and her vacation had been quite enjoyable. She was certain that she would visit Ponyville again very soon and likely more often, especially since she now had another group of friends to keep in contact with there.
I’d better not forget to go back next week for that fitting with Rarity.
She put on a set of pajamas and relaxed on her bed, reminiscing a little about her stay in Ponyville. Most of the other students had already returned to the dorm at the end of the holiday break, and several of them were unpacking or sleeping. Watching the other students come back was an old tradition Sunset used to practice, since she had no family to go home to during the holidays. But this year was another Hearth’s Warming that she had spent with friends, something that she was in fact very grateful for. Ever since she quarreled with Vice-Principal Luna, her winter holidays had been very lonely.
The last meeting with her mother came to mind. Sunset felt somewhat bad that she still couldn’t quite let go. The idea that she wasn’t quite free of her past bothered her, but truth be told, the meeting had made things a lot easier. Just seeing her mother willing to humble herself had helped a great deal, not to mention having been able to pour out all her pain and misery. It hurt terribly the rest of the day and most of the next, but afterwards a lot of the anger had gone.
Maybe someday soon I’ll be ready to forgive her. Then I can go back to being her daughter again.
The events of the past few days would not have been possible if Twilight hadn’t gotten it into her head to pry into their affairs and try to fix everything. In fact, even now the she was still gently pushing Sunset to forgive her mother. She smiled at the thought of Twilight’s persistence. Once the young alicorn had set her mind to something, it usually became very hard to curb her enthusiasm for it. And this time it had worked out well.
I need to resolve my issues with Twilight first , Sunset decided. She deserves that, for everything she’s done for me.
But a nagging thought still continued to bother her.
My issues with Twilight are inherently linked to my issues with Mom.
It was an undeniable truth. The romantic relationship between her and Twilight would continue to be haunted by the fact that it was Twilight that Celestia had replaced Sunset with. And that shadow would not fade until she resolved her problems with her mother. Sunset’s mind flickered back to the new journal that Twilight had given her. She hadn’t intended to write in it for some time, but the recent thought had incited her with a new urgency.
Sunset retrieved the book and walked into the dining area to get herself a soda. Popping the tab, she took a long swig before sitting down on the couch in the living room. Then she took out a pen and opened the journal to the first page.
What do I write?
She didn’t want to offer any immediate olive branches to her mother, because that kind of insincere reconciliation wouldn’t help her get over her issues. It had been so long since she last wrote a letter to Celestia that the gap made the first new letter feel all the more awkward. But that gap gave her an idea.
I’ll just tell her what’s happened since.
So Sunset penned a brief recollection of the events that had happened to her since she came to her new life.
Dear Princess Celestia,
It’s been awhile since I wrote. A lot has happened. I ran away from home because my mother threw me out of the house and I thought I had no way to earn back her love. I found myself in a strange place with no money or possessions and I had to scrape and beg in order to survive. I was very scared for a long time, but I kept myself going with my own anger and grief, determined to prove my mother wrong. I lied to social workers and took advantage of the charity of others so that I could have a roof over my head, moving from place to place so that they wouldn’t discover I had no records or past.
I met a lady named Luna who was just as hurt as I was, and we became friends. She gave me a place to stay and arranged for me to study at the high school she worked at. Then I found out her sister was the principal of that high school. Her sister looked and acted so similarly to my mother that I let my resentment taint all my interactions with her. Luna and I both hated her sister very much, so for a long time we commiserated in that animosity and I made her sister’s life very difficult even though she never did anything to me. But one day Luna learned to forgive her sister and move on. I didn’t. I rebelled and misbehaved and rejected my friendships because I couldn’t bear to be hurt again.
I manipulated people the way my mother taught me to and used that to tear them down so that I could step over them. I rose to the top of the school, both socially and academically, and made sure that everyone was terrified of me. I bullied them to get what I wanted to the point where no one dared to even try to oppose me.
Then one day I went back home and found that my mother had taken in a new girl named Twilight Sparkle, whom she had given everything I used to have. I became furious and plotted to do everything I could to hurt them both and take back what I thought was mine. In the end, Twilight stopped me and saved me from myself. She forgave me and taught me how to be a better pony, and she tried to help me reconcile with my mother, even though it didn’t work out. Now she’s encouraging me to work at it slowly so that I can finally escape my past.
I owe Twilight everything, and she is the one light that came into the darkness of my life. I don’t know if I can ever forgive my mother, but I will try for Twilight. Because she was the one who saved me even if I didn’t deserve to be saved. It’s difficult, but I hope that one day I can finally move on.
Your student,
Sunset Shimmer.
Writing the letter had been difficult, but she felt much better afterwards. In doing so, Sunset had confronted herself, the part of her that she had once wanted to excise and forget forever. But it had not all been dark. She thought back to that period long ago when she and Luna been close, when the young woman had been struggling with her own social awkwardness against her sister’s endless popularity, and they had bonded over their mutual opposition to Principal Celestia.
It was very unfair of me to treat her that way, because Principal Celestia isn’t my mother. Even if she is a little strict, I just transferred all my hatred of Mom to her for so many years. Thank goodness I’ve since stopped acting like that. She’s had a difficult enough life without me deliberately making it worse for her.
She read over what she had written again, especially the last part about Twilight. Twilight had been incredibly supportive that evening when she had met Celestia, and had said that she was proud of Sunset for trying as hard as she did. The memory of that praise brought a smile to Sunset’s face.
I don’t need mother to feel proud of me anymore. If I never go back to Equestria and Mom never sees me again, she still wouldn’t have any right to comp- no, I shouldn’t think that way. I have to eventually let go of my hatred - for both my mother and myself - if I ever want to truly be free.
That was the advice that Twilight had given her, after all. She recalled the day of the Fall Formal long ago when she had cowered in defeat before Twilight.
At the time, it seemed like the darkest day in my life; when Twilight crushed my pride and I could no longer pretend that she wasn’t the better pony. But it turned out to be the best thing that had ever happened to me. She gave me new friends and showed me another path through life. Later on it she helped me overcome my insecurities when we fought the Sirens, and it was then that I thought that I could finally shed my past. Now with her help I’ve partially reconciled with that past - opening the road for me to eventually move on for real. All this time, she’s always accepted me, forgiving me not once but twice. And despite being so much better than me, she still fell for me, flaws and all.
Sunset put her hand on the leather couch where they had first kissed, and smiled at the memory. She glanced at the DVD player next to the television. It was then that she realized that she had never replaced the disc that she borrowed. Lyra had been very generous to share her DVD collection with her dormmates, and Sunset didn’t want to abuse that generosity. Ejecting the tray from the player, she picked up the disc and put it back into its case. Then she turned to the rack where she had taken it from, scanning the DVD collection and its odd selection of movies as she did so.
Oh gosh, I just figured it out.
She laughed for a moment. Then she looked at the DVD case in her hands. She frowned as she thought back to the movie, sighing before sliding it back into its spot on the rack.
I hate this sort of story anyway. The kind with a sad ending.
***
Princess Celestia wiped the last of her tears away as she finished reading the journal.
Look at the suffering I caused my little foal. She had to live as a teenage runaway for years because of what I did.
She picked up her quill several times, but still couldn’t think of how to begin. Eventually she decided that the best way would be to reply in the exact same manner that Sunset had written.
Dear Sunset Shimmer,
I’m so glad to hear from you again. I’ve missed hearing from you so much and I can’t tell you how happy I am that you could write to me today.
I’m so sorry to hear about what has happened to you since we last wrote. You mother honestly doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, and I don’t think even after all this time she really understood how difficult things have been for you. I think it speaks about how much you have grown that you can still bring yourself to try even after everything she’s done to you.
Things have changed a great deal in Equestria since you were gone. My sister, Princess Luna, has since returned to me, and she and I now rule Equestria together. She’s wanted to meet you for a long time now, but couldn’t because you were gone. I’ve told her long ago about you and your mother, and I think you can both relate a little in that regard, so if you are amenable to the idea perhaps you can talk to Twilight about finally seeing her. I believe both of you will get along very well.
In any case, I hope that you and Twilight will be continue to be close, because you deserve a girl like her in your life, someone who will be there for you and who would never give up on you. After all you’ve been through, I can only hope that your future will be lighter and filled with the love and joy you should have had since the beginning.
Your Teacher,
Princess Celestia
Having finished the letter, she closed the journal and put down the quill before walking out to the balcony of her private chambers, overlooking the streets of Canterlot. On a tower not far away, Luna was drawing the waxing moon into its proper position in the night sky.
At least I still have Luna, Celestia thought. I’d better treasure my sisterhood while I still can nurture it.
She sighed bitterly as she remembered the petty argument she had with Luna over the gifts for Cranky and Matilda’s wedding.
It was my turn to bring the gifts. But I made the same mistake again, blaming Luna for no reason at all just to feel that I was in the right.
Fortunately the spirit of love and togetherness that surrounded the wedding had smoothed over the hurt feelings almost immediately, but she knew she might not be so lucky in future.
I never apologized to Luna for that.
When she had returned from Ponyville a week ago, it was clear to Celestia that she could no longer keep doing things the same way. So she had put plans in motion that would allow her the opportunity to change her habits.
Plans in motion.
Those are the root of so many of my family problems… I’m always taking the long view, thinking in terms of decades and centuries. And when those I love throw those plans out of order, I always try to salvage my plans rather than my relationships.
It worried her that Twilight had inherited that love of planning from her. But fortunately, it seemed that the younger alicorn would not fall into the same trap as her former teacher. Twilight’s lessons in friendship had enabled her to break her plans in order to accommodate those who were close to her.
I need to learn that lesson, thought Celestia ruefully. I should do something for Luna very soon. It has only been a little over a week since I spoke to Sunset, so my idea probably won’t see light for a while. For the moment I should start by spending more time with Luna. Perhaps we could go for an upcoming foreign state visit together. I used to leave Equestria in the hooves of my advisors all the time before Luna returned. They can take care of the kingdom while we’re away.
That sounded very satisfactory to her. Ceremonial state visits usually involved very little business, so they would have plenty of time together whilst enjoying the hospitality of another nation. Being honored by a visit from both heads of the Equestrian state would also do wonders to improve relations with that country. It was a beneficial outcome all around.
Then why do I feel it’s not enough?
The answer came to her swiftly.
Because on its own it isn’t. Relationships don’t thrive on single grand gestures, but by dozens of little ones.
She prepared to summon a guard, but stopped.
I’ll go find her myself.
She walked out of her chambers past the guard, towards her sister’s tower. She couldn’t do much on her own to repair her relationship with Sunset Shimmer, because trying too hard would only hurt her daughter and likely drive them further apart. The best she could do was to be patient and keep a respectable distance. But she was determined to keep the relationships she still had.
When she finally reached her sister’s bedroom, she turned the handle and opened the door gingerly. Luna was lying on her covered bed, having returned to laze in it right after raising the moon. Celestia smiled as she remembered how she used to indulge in that same way long ago right after raising the sun every morning. But right now Celestia felt hungry. The palace kitchens would have prepared a lovely dinner, but being a princess meant that you could skip whatever meals you wanted and no one would complain.
The Princess of the Moon looked up as she noticed her sister.
“Good evening Luna,” Celestia grinned. “I was just wondering- would you like to sneak out of the palace with me to go to Donut Joe’s?”
***
Twilight Sparkle lay on her bed inside her castle and stared quietly at the ceiling. She had been trying to read, but it felt hard to concentrate with everything on her mind. The holiday had been a very trying period for her, and even with everything that she had done to help them she wasn’t sure things would ever be quite the same again between herself, Sunset Shimmer and Princess Celestia.
Sunset has so many issues… with me, with her mother, even with herself. I thought back then that she had almost resolved everything, but now I’ve dug up all this bad history and it turns out she’s much farther away from that than I thought.
It still worried her a little that Sunset still hadn’t worked out her problems regarding their relationship, but the week had been very encouraging. The two had spent almost all of that time together: sharing meals, meeting new ponies, and even a sleepover one night with the rest of the girls. It felt like one long, extended date that had only just come to an end.
Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so down.
But the future still held many possibilities. Sunset had promised to meet with her regularly, and they would be spending more time together very soon on both sides of the mirror. Their next appointment was for a restaurant dinner only three days away, when Sunset wanted to introduce her to something called a “palak paneer” which apparently tasted delicious with a “garlic naan” .
She was excited to have another dinner date in the human world. Her mind returned to their intimate encounter a week ago. The memory made her squee a little and blush hard, even though no one was around to see her embarrassment.
Sunset is so cute when she’s vulnerable. I almost never got to see that side of her before.
But her glee abated as she realized that she should not get too far ahead of herself. It might be awhile before Sunset overcame that barrier and they could be together that way again, not to mention the fact that she was still likely grappling with the issues regarding her mother. It felt wrong to be focusing on romance until after she had time to recover from that.
In fact, the biggest casualty of the holiday might have been the relationship Twilight had with her former teacher. Celestia’s influence had loomed over every aspect of her life, and now that influence seemed somewhat worrying.
In the very least I don’t think I can look at her as a role model any more. What she did, neglecting the one who needed her most, replacing her with someone else… I’m not sure that’s something I want to emulate.
She wondered how many of Celestia’s traits she had already absorbed.
My obsession with her wasn’t exactly healthy. I think there’s a little part of me that still hasn’t gotten over my need for her approval. I’m going to have to work on that.
A little knock came from her door. A moment later, it creaked open and a little dragon poked his head in. Spike had taken Twilight’s explanation of her and Sunset’s relationship very well. It reminded her of how mature the little dragon was for his age.
“Hey Twilight? You looked a little sad when Sunset left, so I brought you some chamomile to cheer you up.”
He brought in a little tray with a hot cup of tea. Twilight liked having floral teas late at night, which she often sipped while reading.
“Thank you,” she smiled appreciatively. She didn’t usually see him as often in the evenings any more, ever since he got his own room and bed in the castle. The thought saddened her. Twilight recalled how much Spike always loved helping her, and the time he had panicked when she had first adopted Owlowiscious stuck out in her mind.
“Hey, Spike,” she said. “You’re… you’re really the best assistant I could have ever asked for.”
He grinned bashfully. “Thanks, Twilight.”
Suddenly she had an idea. “Hey, do you want to bring your comic books in here so we can read together like we used to?”
“Do I!” he replied excitedly. “Let me go get ‘em right now!”
Twilight grinned as the baby dragon ran off.
Tonight, I think I’ll spend time with my number-one assistant. I can worry about Sunset and Celestia tomorrow. After all, reconciliation and forgiveness are not about dwelling on the past.
They're about looking towards the future.
Everything I've Ever Wanted
Sunset Shimmer leaned against the row of lockers in the corridor of Canterlot High School. It had been four months since the new year began, and the winter cold had given way to a beautiful spring. She had been writing regularly to Celestia throughout that time, and things had finally progressed to where they could meet face-to-face again. So far, their encounters were still very strained, but Twilight’s presence during most of them had smoothed tensions immensely. There was a lot of adjusting to do, between mending her relationship with her mother and spending time with Twilight and her pony friends - not to mention a new relationship with her aunt Luna and reconnecting with Cadance. This was especially since she now commuted regularly between school and Ponyville. All things considered, the stress of starting her senior year was somewhat minor in comparison.
At the moment, Twilight Sparkle was examining the combination lock on Sunset’s locker, deftly manipulating the dial before opening it to stash a book within. Twilight had become very interested in human world sciences, especially physics, after reading her Hearth’s Warming present, and had taken to borrowing books from the school library to learn more.
“I’m glad I’m getting better at using fingers,” she mused as she closed the locker.
Sunset smirked. “I’m glad you’re getting better at using fingers,” she said, waggling her eyebrows.
Twilight blushed a very deep shade of crimson.
“Y’know, we’re standing right here ,” groaned Rainbow Dash, who had come along with Fluttershy to talk to Twilight after her recent arrival.
“Aww, leave them alone, Dash,” said Fluttershy, smiling widely as she watched them. “I think they’re really cute.”
“No way! We have to put up with their lovey-dovey nonsense enough as it is,” retorted Dash. She groaned again as Sunset affectionately pecked Twilight on the cheek. “Oh, come on! Are you two quite finished?”
“Well, if you gave us about twenty minutes alone in the locker room, we could be,” grinned Sunset, making Twilight blush even harder.
Rainbow threw up her hands in exasperation. “Okay that’s it, I’m outta here. C’mon Flutters, let’s go find the rest of the girls in front of the school. You two can meet us when you’re done playing kissy games.”
Twilight mock-punched Sunset in the shoulder as Rainbow pulled Fluttershy away. “That was for teasing me in front of them.”
“Totally worth it,” snickered Sunset. “Anyway, now that they’re gone… what’d you wanna talk to me about?”
“Well, it’s about Princess Celestia,” explained Twilight. “She asked me some questions about you recently, and while it’s not quite a sure thing just yet, I’m pretty sure that… well, she wants to formally acknowledge you as her daughter.”
Sunset gasped. “Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure. She wanted to know if you might want to move back to Equestria after you graduate, and she has noticed that you still never call her “Mom” in front of her. Also, there was one time she wondered aloud in front of me whether she could still make you a princess anyway, in title at least. I know for a fact that she’s been having lunch with a lot of newspaper editors recently, which means that she’s about to announce something very big that will cause a lot of controversy.” Twilight paused, carefully considering what she was about to say next. “And I’m not supposed to tell anyone this, but she’s also told me discreetly that she’s planning on taking a long sabbatical very soon. I know that she wants to let Princess Luna take over more responsibilities in government, but that’s hardly a reason to suddenly have to take a break.”
“You think she’s going to announce me to the court and then abdicate to avoid an even bigger scandal?” asked a worried Sunset.
Twilight shrugged. “The way Equestria works, I don't think she can exactly abdicate , and I know that in the very least she plans on being around to advise Princess Luna on any important matters. But I think she’s hoping to spend more time with you, and possibly me. Anyway, she hasn’t been able to really take a vacation in decades. Taking a year or so off would probably be good for her.”
Sunset slumped against her locker. “This is huge… I don’t even know whether I should be happy or terrified. Those high society gossips will crucify her.”
“I don’t know what that is, but I’m assuming it’s bad,” noted Twilight. “But… if anything, Princess Celestia will probably ask to talk to you first. I wasn’t sure I should tell you, but we are kind of really close now and I don’t want to keep anything from you.”
That consideration from Twilight made Sunset smile. “I guess I’ll deal with it when it comes. Let’s go join the girls.”
They walked towards the school exit. As they entered the entrance hall they noticed an older man dressed in a smart military uniform standing outside the school office.
He had tanned amber skin and thinning blonde hair, and looked to be of about middle age. Despite this he seemed to be in excellent physical condition and the way he stood gave off a powerful aura of confidence that implied he was used to being in command. On his shoulder was the rank insignia of an army Major.
He turned as the girls approached, and smiled as he asked in a deep, clear voice, “Hi, I’m looking for Principal Celestia but she doesn’t seem to be in her office. Would either of you happen to know where she is?”
Sunset opened her mouth to reply, but stopped as she noticed his name tag on the front of his uniform.
His name was Daydreamer .
He looked at the teenager quizzically as she took a few very quick but deep breaths. Her companion seemed equally shocked for some reason unknown to him, but eventually the girl with the red and yellow hair smiled nervously and spoke.
“Principal Celestia is in the cafeteria. Follow me, I’ll show you to her.”
THE END
Author's Note
Hello everyone who got this far!
This concludes my first fanfiction story ever. I hope you liked it. I honestly never thought that it would get as much attention as it has, because I am a totally new writer who hasn't got any experience writing for anyone other than myself. But this got over a thousand views and (when I last checked) more than two hundred people liked it. I think it even managed to get into the Featured box for a couple of days, provided you had your mature stories enabled, so yay, I guess!
The idea that started this all was a little line in the MLP wiki about the Tree of Harmony and Twilight's cutie mark, implying that she was foretold and destined to hold the Element of Magic hundreds of years before the series began. Coincidentally I also watched Equestria girls for the first time not long after (I held off on it for a long while because I'd noted a lot of negative reviews, but Rainbow Rocks was supposed to be pretty good, and FIMfiction writers seemed to like Sunset Shimmer a lot, so I decided to catch it at last).
Now I really like Sunset Shimmer, even if one thing that annoyed me was how quickly Sunset redeems between EQG and RR, not to mention the very drastic change in personality. But when I read the comics about her (The Fall of Sunset Shimmer and the Equestria Girls Holiday Special ) I thought to myself, "Y'know, if she ever found out about the Tree of Harmony and the fact that she never had a chance of getting the Element of Magic, she'd go ballistic."
When I first began conceptualizing the fic Sunset wasn't really supposed to be Celestia's biological daughter - I only needed her to treat Celestia as a mother figure. But The Fall of Sunset Shimmer , as I noted earlier, gave me a lot of headaches. The comic seriously felt illogical in a lot of places (To be fair, the EQG movie was pretty illogical also. Behold Sunset's awesome plan to defeat the Royal guards with her army of high school students, who we can totally believe will have no problem adjusting to a lack of hands!). One thing that really stuck out was the idea that Sunset Shimmer would basically declare herself to be Celestia's equal and demand to be made a princess. This honestly sounded titanically stupid, and Sunset isn't supposed to be that stupid.
But it would make sense if she thought it was her birthright.
So that developed into the idea that I eventually wrote. And I get that at least a few people who read this story will be put off by the idea that Sunset is Celestia's daughter (not to mention my amateurish writing skills). But here's the thing. Most of the logic of this fic doesn't require Sunset to be Celestia's daughter. Celestia obviously taught Sunset differently from Twilight. Sunset is deliberately presented in Equestria Girls as a different, failed version of Twilight. But the fact is Sunset never ever had a chance to succeed, because the MLP writers honestly hand the world to Twilight on the platter of destiny (that's okay, they are kind of writing for little girls after all). And Celestia had to have known this because of her cutie mark.
Poor Sunset Shimmer.
I also debated internally whether to have Sunset and Celestia reconcile on their own (or "on camera"). If I was a better writer I think it would have been more thematically appropriate for Sunset to learn to forgive Celestia without Twilight's assistance. But from the beginning, I really really wanted Twilight to be the one to help Sunset, because I confess that I totally, totally love stories where the pure girl redeems the bad boy (or bad girl) with the purity of her pure heart. And this meant that Sunset and Celestia had to try and fail to reconcile on their own, and once I wrote that in, putting in a scene where they reconciled would just be "Hey mom, I'm not mad at you any more. Let's hug." Sorry.
I also don't doubt that me making Celestia very flawed went over badly with a few people. But in the previous chapter I note one indisputable bit of proof that she can be kind of thoughtless to those close to her. When I first watched the episode Slice of Life, it struck me how one-sided Celestia's and Luna's argument was. Luna logically pointed out that a) she had done the gifts for Shining and Cadance's wedding, b) It was therefore Celestia's turn to do them and c) that it was in fact Celestia who was supposed to bring the very gifts she was rebuking Luna for. Celestia's argument quite simply boiled down to a) I don't care and b) I'm blaming you anyway. So I immediately thought, "Celestia, why are you scolding Best Princess for something you clearly did?"
So even if you think that I threw poor Celestia under a bus for this fic, just keep in mind that Lousy Sister Celestia is totes canon.
Lots of love,
Sporktacles.
