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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 1: TIME TO MEET PONIES... *SLAM* I FUCKED IT UP!
Chapter 1: TIME TO MEET PONIES... *SLAM* I FUCKED IT UP!
Now, While all this was going down, I never knew I'd meet someone as inventive.. or as crazy, even.. as Starburst..
A field.
In the middle of FUCKING NOWHERE!
“THIS IS BULLSHIT! WHERE’S PONYVILLE! HELL! WHERE’S THE DAMN EVERFREE! IF I GOT TO FIGHT SOMETHING THIS WOULDN’T BE SO BAD!” I scream to the heavens, and a thought occurs a moment later.Wow, I am really quick to accepting things aren’t I? then again I did pick up a displacement item of my own volition.
My future apparently being me tripping and falling down a hill screaming profanities that would sicken demons, all the way down to the bottom.
While I’m walking why don’t we check back in with Frankenstein’s twin sister? Starburst was currently experimenting on her newest 'Labrat’ as she started calling them.. another sterile stallion that came to her.. this time signing the release forms so she wouldn't be held legally responsible if she accidentally exploded THIS ONE'S balls, too… “Now, hold still.. the more you squirm, The higher the chances I accidentally inject this fertility potion into your dick instead of your balls, and you'll never be able to fuck a mare again because your cock will grow so big only dragons could take you.” After she said that, he quickly stopped squirming, then she casts a restraining spell, and unceremoniously stabs the needle into his balls… THIS TIME, instead of boosting Male fertility… she accidentally turned him into a MARE! “Well, Fuck… at least you survived..” Starburst said.
I had finally reached ponyville, under attack by a Manticore. “Well… that’s interesting.” I say before doing the thing I knew the original Orgran to do.
Draw his axe and charge at the monster that’s clearly bigger than him, yelling a warcry like no other.
As the beast turns to see me, it seems confused, then… amused? It thinks I’m a PANSY! That was its first mistake as I charged in and cleaved at the elbow, severing one of its limbs clean off. The creature roared in pain as it leaned onto its other arm for balance, blood pouring from the wound, until I cut that one off, forcing it to fall to the ground, staining its lion mane and coat red. As it whimpers in pain I approach with my blood-soaked axe, I raise it up high, preparing to kill the beast where it lay, until…
“STOOOOOOOP!!!”
I turn to the voice to see a sobbing yet angry Fluttershy galloping over to comfort the creature, leaving me dumbstruck.
“HOW COULD YOU!?” she screams at me.
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, the one thing that terrified me more than her scornful words or her powerful stare, I did something I regretted doing in my new life.
I made Fluttershy cry.
I sigh, and hold my head in my hands, trying to compose myself before moving to the manticore and started healing it with some earth-based healing magic, reattaching his arms, then I look coldly into its eyes.
“Piss off. ”
It didn’t take long for the beast to heed my word and scamper back into the forest, so I scrub the blood of it off my axe with my blood-scrubbing cloth, and head to a tavern to drown my sorrows…
I hate myself, stupid ponies and their stupid adorable innocence!
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 2: BEER FOR ALL THE SADS... *sob*
Author's Note
Okay so I'm going to clarify something, Orgran's appearance isn't like Honeydew, he is a gruff, armored and badass looking Dwarf with a Warhammer, Double-headed axe, smaller axe, thick metal gauntlets and his ale mug, his beard is silken smooth because he takes good care of and even braids it, the color of said beard being red, as that is where his title 'Orgran the Red' originates. think this for at least partial reference, this isn't his canon appearance, this image is just the closest I have, I will mention the appearance of female Dwarves in my little version of this race if they show up, but as for now, here you go.
Chapter 2: BEER FOR ALL THE SADS... *sob*
Now at the tavern is where I meet a stunning unicorn mare.. though with that hairdo, I felt the need to question her sanity… she had the makin’s of Twilight Snapple in that hairdo. “Hey,” I said to her. “You look like you’ve gone through some shit, name’s Orgran, Orgran the Red.” I reach my hand out to her, and she shakes it with her hoof, then replies..
Of course my initial reaction was very logical. “FUCK THAT !”
… then an unfortunate thought came, I have no job, no bits, and I’m an angry drunken Dwarf that kills things… uuuugh! I’m gonna have to take the job!
Angrily I head to where her lab would be, looking over the contract again as I do… and it's all mainly legal bullshit, but the worrying thing that catches my eye is the part that basically allows her to use me as a test subject if I sign… I grumble even more angrily, deciding to up my pace to reach her lab, mumbling in my head, I am not going to chop her head off, I am NOT going to chop her head off.
Once there, she opens the door, and exclaims “Ah, good! You're here!! I thought you'd pass up such an opportunity!” The way she responded burned me up angrily. No! I thought. I will at least have some dignity! I mentally proclaim as I ball up the contract and push into her muzzle.
“Take ya damn contract and choke on it, Orgran ain’t going to let someone use ‘im like a labrat.” she goes wide-eyed, then looks at the contract.. then facehoofs, before passing me a new scroll
“If you’re going to be taking some blood… could you do me a favour?”
“Thanks lass, now, what’s first on the agenda,” I sign the contract. “Partner?” she hops up and down giddily.
Accursed Cuteness! This place is gonna give me diabetes!
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
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Chapter 5: NORMANDY CAN'T HANDLE THE DWARF!
Author's Note
there was a half-way chapter before this, but it was caught out by Wild Balance as to how bad it was so it's gone, thanks Wild, helped me out a lot and now we can do an ACTUAL chapter.
Chapter 5: NORMANDY CAN'T HANDLE THE DWARF!
I watch as the Normandy landed where that mountain used to be. Welp, time to meet a friend from my past.
You’re probably wondering how I know this guy, right? Well it’s quite simple, we chatted online, made a few stories and played a few online games, despite distant memories of his voice and his old name, he always went with his alias.
Raven Lunaris.
So Raven Lunaris, now Raven Shephard, has just shown up. Is he a girl? I’ll fucking laugh he rule 63’d himself.
The hatch opens and… out comes a hovering tank-like vehicle.
Well, fuck.
“Starburst.” I say to the scientist Unicorn. “Go inside.”
sorry, I just want to keep you safe.
After that I wait to see if the tank will slow down.. but it's not. No, it jumped. “The fuck?!” I exclaim in my moment of confusion, and it turns to face me, it's heavy bore cannon pointed to the horizon, then Raven comes out.. along with two alien crewmembers. “Sup, Bitches?”Hmm… maybe he… I think to myself. “So do you think you’re like Samurai Jack then? You know the whole unable to age thing by being outside your own time?”Yep… definitely a Dwarf thing.
Anyways, while all this was going down, Canterlot was going to SHIT.
...granted it made sense it was going to shit after the disappearance of an entire mountain, moving on.
Celestia was back in court, the elements of harmony present and already briefed on the situation while the solar diarch is trying and failing to calm down the nobles. “My little ponies, please!” she exclaims. “There is no cause for panic, I assure you the situation will be handled immediately!”
One of the no-balls starts squawking. “NO CAUSE!? AN ENTIRE MOUNTAIN HAS DISAPPEARED! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYPONY TO BE CALM!?”SHUT UP!!! ”Don’t. Twilight. Not right now, I am too infuriated to be tactful right now, and besides I know more than anypony that being informal and straightforward always seems to get their attention. Now! All of you in this court today, I am ashamed, you are supposed to represent the best of Equestria and now you panic over the loss of a single mountain, even when we have already faced threats that have done much worse, but in truth, we cannot assume that Orgran is a threat, we are Equestria, the icon of Harmony herself, and as such we must not judge those before we have met them!”
To think, me and Celestia were on the same page even if we didn’t know it.
I wanted her to find me.
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 6: you need a drink, stranger?
Ah, that was what brings me back to my part of the story, as we returned to the lab, I decide to ask. “Say Starburst, what level of technology does Equestria have so far?”dammit not this mispronunciation shit! “It’s ‘Human’ Starburst, ‘Hue-mun’, ya think I’d appreciate it if ya called my kind ‘Dwaerfs’? Or if someone called your kind ‘Ponnies’? If you’re gonna talk about them, at least confirm if yer saying it right! Pronunciation is something people take pride about when you talk about their names, but noooooo ! Ya just assume it’s said one way and just use that without considering ya might be wrong? Yer rude.”
Yes, that is right. I just pulled a Scotsman.
“Hey, I’m just sayin’ it like she did. Though humans are fascinating in their own right..” she retorted.
I forgot to tell you, I migrate from time to time, seeing what interests me. You are still under my employ, so you'll have full access to my labs. Have fun! :)
I smile at that, shit keeps getting weirder and weirder, oh well! Deciding to move onto making something very important, a mobile Brewery, and while doing so, writing a letter for Princess Celestia.
After a couple of days I get it all figured out and get the finished letter to the post office discreetly, then move on to two things which I plan to do at the same time.
The first is getting Celestia’s attention to my location.
The second is charging into the Everfree to get some Timber-wood and Manticore steaks.
Thankfully Fluttershy was still in Canterlot, she won’t need to hear all the war-cries and hacking and slashing, tearing, maiming and she won’t see the ever-growing puddle of blood at the edge of the forest… or the now blood-soaked Dwarf waddling out with two full sacks of everfree creature corpses.
I am quite violent… oh well!
After cooking up some lunch and washing myself off I decide to wait outside the lab with a signal as to where I am, and what better signal than a tower of logs burning in a magical blue fire.
...oh, you didn’t know? Apparently burning Timberwolf wood gives you blue fire, it’s weird, right?
… oh well.
Anyways after a while of nothing happening, I decide to go explore the lab to see if any projects are going on, including a special project.
… oh well I’ll be damned she kept her word.
Right there in the lab was a tube easily able to have one of the princesses inside, but what was inside was what had my hopes up. True what was inside looked nothing more than a ball of stem cells, but the terminal hooked up to it didn’t lie.
This was a Dwarf, Cloned and with a suppressed Y chromosome, a girl, the first female dwarf I’ll ever meet. And once she’s here I won’t be alone. I thought, but then doubt reared its ugly head.
So what? She’s just a clone, a clone with no mind or soul, she can’t be a real Dwarf.
You’re right, I asked too much from Starburst, I can’t make her a real Dwarf and neither can Starburst… but I know someone who can!
I grab a hefty chunk of platinum from my hammer space and start to work forging it into a statue, this statue would be covered in runic summoning inscriptions. Think of it like a Displaced’s totem except the totem wasn’t made by them, in Orgran’s homeworld when beings wanted to summon demons or eldritch horrors, they would carve the visage into metal with the runes placed upon them, the more valued the metal, the more in control you were of the summoning.
And as the last rune was placed I could not hold my smile as I finished the statue of the creature I wanted to summon. After all…
I’m the first Displaced to drag the Merchant to Equestria.
There was a bright flash and something knocked me back a few steps, but when I could see and the dust settled, standing before me was indeed the man wearing that same stupid robes. The first words to come out of my mouth were, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? I GAVE YOU THAT ADVICE FOR A REASON YOU BALACLAVA WEARING TIT!”partner. ” and as I release my hold on the summons, he takes his leave in a puff of smoke along with the items I crafted, and I pull my hand back to see a crown with emerald jewels encrusted within, the headpiece itself entirely made of glass yet glowing of its own accord.
That Merchant’s an okay guy once you get to know him, bit of an asshole but meh.. I think as I smash apart the statue with my hammer.
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
It’s been a week since I had bonded with Pine, and let’s just say it was rather hectic.
Or as someone would call it, obligatory Slice of Life shit.
First off I decided to read up on Timberwolves, for obvious reasons, among being their dietary requirements. Timberwolves are omnivores in a sense, either consuming meat for its life essence, or wood for its nature essence, to fuel their core and regeneration. A Timberwolf can survive on one or the other but it’s good to promote meat-eating in your Timberwolf so they don’t start craving your house’s support structure or part of itself.
Yeah, apparently ponies have had pet Timberwolves… am I the only one weirded out by this? Eh whatever.
Next is that a Timberwolf does not show loyalty to other Timberwolves, only entities that it trusts. This meant I had certainly earned Pine’s, even if said loyalty is now solidified by an unbreakable pact fueled by magic *cough* moving on. Due to this kind of loyalty, if one were to go hunting and attacked other packs, your Timberwolf will not dislike you any less and will eagerly help you when it comes to any fight, either big or small, their loyalty outshines their fear. This was something I deeply respected.
The next page however was shocking to say the least.
Timberwolves have been known to show intelligence, it’s theorized with the right education, they could be another sapient species, only Timberwolves have shown no interest in learning or developing their intellect. If this was the case I could probably train Pine to speak, help him mingle with the ponies, learn weapon skills like swordplay or-
wait...
A large sword-wielding wolf, I have my own Sif…
I HAVE MY OWN SIF!
I was ecstatic upon realizing what it meant and eagerly moved onto the next page.
...I closed the book immediately after I saw the heading ‘Breeding with your Timberwolf.’
*shudder*
Anyway, another thing that happened during the week is that my rule 63 clone had developed a more humanoid shape, she was still too squishy for the crown so I continued to wait it out, though in order to pass the time I told the clone of my, and by that I mean Orgran’s, tales of adventure strength, how he fought dragons and giants, how he picked a fight with an entire camp of Orcs for a laugh.
...what? I was telling the truth when I said Dwarves don’t pick fights!
Orgran’s just unique like that, moving on!
I had also decided to sew myself a suit for the gala, something simple, not too flashy, and able to have my armor worn underneath. Not for any battles, but I might cause half the palace to collapse for shits and giggles and I don’t want to be a Dwarven Pancake without a respawn totem. I would make one but you need to have a material specific to Mylinia that doesn’t exist in Equestria. Arcanite.
Arcanite is a gemstone Mylinia is practically LACED with, it’s what gave the world it’s magical power in the first place, like Ley Lines except they can be reshaped and forged to create magical totems, constructs or armor and weapons that amplify the user’s magical potential or give certain effects.
Of course I could use the Arcanite in Orgran’s Pick Gauntlets, but I am not taking apart one of his most prized treasures, heck! Even his mug was enchanted with Arcanite to make an unending amount of whatever liquid he poured in. The armor and weapons were not made with Arcanite though, they were made with Dragon Scales, which is not just an extremely strong and magic resistant material, but also a mana battery, since Orgran doesn’t need magic power, he has an abundance of that, he just needs something to tank the mana costs of his high-end spells.
Another method would be to ask the Merchant, but I don’t think I’ve ‘paid’ him enough in items to request something that would ensure eternal life for me, of course I could lie about it but honour is one of the things me and Orgran would like to maintain.
Next up on the list, Tokens! That’s right I’m finally making one, so I can finally start meeting some displaced. I thought about using one of my weapons or my ale mug but they didn’t seem right, so instead I went for getting an emerald and carving it into a pickaxe to be the item that represented me. With the token itself done I needed a message…
…
…
...I got it!
“Here comes a Dwarf with a bit o’ class, if yer evil I’ll kick yer ass!
But if you’re good and need some help, don’t be afraid to give a yelp!
If you want to talk and have a beer, what are you waiting for? I’m right here!
If you’re looking for a good old spar, I’ll be there, near or far!
If you pass all this, yer a friend o’ mine, just make sure you don’t cross a line!
Now with that all done and said, call my name! It’s ORGRAN THE RED!”
With my little shanty done I toss the gem at a wall and watch it get sent off into the void, and get a response by the rift spitting out a pair of gloves into my face.
“I am the warrior, the master of weapons, the seeker of battle and adventure. To those who would require my strength to defeat thy foes, to crush opposing forces, put on these Genji Gloves and call out my name with the intent to summon me. If ye be without true malice in thy hearts, know that the mighty Gilgamesh will come to thy aid!”
Gilgamesh, eh? I thought. Sounds like a tough guy, maybe I’ll summon him at some point, he might be fun to spar with.
Alright, what else had I done this week… oh yeah, I met a Caribou scouting party.
*record scratch*
…oh yeah, guess I should’ve mentioned that, I guess I could tell you about it...
...nah, you’re gonna have to wait for the next chapter!
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 9: TAKEDOWN TIME!
Author's Note
wow, I was expecting a bigger uproar for the impending chapter, guess it means everyone's cool with me making it! so here you go.
Chapter 9: TAKEDOWN TIME!
Alright, settle down and listen to the tale of how Orgran beat the shit out of the Caribou and completely Retconned season 5 onward because of it.
Alright, after I got my bond with Pine good enough so he wouldn’t kill something until I told him, I went to deal with the village referred to as only ‘Our Town’, because half of me felt pity for the ponies living there losing their unique skills and their own destinies because of some heartbroken unicorn growing spiteful. Although she could have a more tragic backstory than what was shown on TV like abusive parents or something, moving on.
My other half thought the idea was REALLY stupid!
Okay, think about it, if everypony here was equal, that would mean equal cooking skills, equal speed, equal strength, equal magic skills and most importantly.
Equal combat skills.
So considering that the baker in the village makes something that could make Pinkie Pie gag, and she eats burnt cupcakes no problem, that does not bode well for their defensive skills. In case you haven’t noticed, Our Town is actually located in the mountains, that’s Harpy and Dragon territory, and even if the creature was not indigenous to the mountains, without the capability to fight off an overly affectionate dog, these ponies wouldn’t stand a chance and would be easy pickings to anything that took an interest in them, and if you argue that Starlight Glimmer could do something, oh yeah, ONE magically adept unicorn really helps their chances when the only offensive spell she has is removing cutie marks. Needless to say if anything attacked the village they would stand no chance.
So when I found the village and the Caribou scouting party, I wasn’t surprised to see they were already celebrating their victory with a feast and an orgy. Mares were either used as tables, servers or cocksleeves, the only stallions that hadn’t willingly joined the Caribou had their throats slit, so they couldn’t brainwash them, good news for me. One thing that caught my eye though.
These weren’t the ponies I’ve seen before.
What I mean is that every pony I’ve met so far has walked on four hooves and looked just like in the show, these ponies in the village however have some strange dark magic residue coating them and are completely anthropomorphic, meaning the Caribou had some method of making entities anthro, they used it on themselves and are now using it on the rest of Equestria just to subjugate them.
Interesting… I’ll need to relieve them of that, but first I had to find Starlight.
After a moment of surveying the rather stained landscape I discover her in a cage, changed like her followers, her cutie mark is revealed and she was in tears over her cut horn, she’s bound and gag ceremoniously, meaning she’s going to be a gift for the king. I felt my honour and kindness punch me in the heart, at which point I knew what I had to do.
I send Pine back home and walk down to the center of town and call out to the invaders. “CARIBOU! COME OUT AND FACE ME! ” all of the antlered bastards reluctantly leave their ‘toys’ and head to where I am, fully armored with spears at my direction, followed by the leader walking into the circle they’ve made.
“Yes?” he says, irritation clear in his deep voice. “What is it? We’re rather busy.”
My anger boiled when they started laughing. “And what makes you think we would take your challenge?” the leader says, the Caribou readying their spears to impale me.
That stopped their laughing immediately. “The only female Dwarf in existence?” the leader pondered. “Such an exotic creature as a trophy would put me in line for the throne for sure!”Relax Orgran, you can kill them later, just keep up the con.
He chuckles and pulls out his sword as I pull out my axe, and as a silent bell rang in our heads, we rush at each other and clash.
It was no contest, I was naturally stronger, faster, and smarter, he was buckling under the force I was pushing onto him, unfortunately he also had antlers, I had to leap back to prevent myself from being gored. Now he was on the attack, going for quick precise jabs, going for gaps in my armor, I did block them but they still left cuts here and there. It was at this point that the blood loss was getting to me, I tried to stand through the weakness but I collapsed onto a knee, the Caribou leader looking down at me. “This fight is over, Dwarf, surrender now and I’ll let you say your goodbyes to your ex-wife.” he says as he points his sword to my throat.
I had enough of his attitude, in my mind it was only rage. Screw relaxing! SCREW RESTRAINT! KILL THEM!
“NO. YOU. WON’T! ” I punch him, keeping my fist there. “GAUNTLET SPIKE! ”
There was a click, then the sound of metal piercing flesh, bone, and then brain as the point of my pick gauntlet went through his skull then out the other side, then silence…
I slowly pulled my hand back as the spike retracts, the blood and gore falling off, leaving no trace of his brains on my gauntlet, and he falls to the ground. I got up, my magic healing me as I look to the shocked Caribou. “Will you honour his deal, or do I need to kill the rest of you?”
“GET HIM!” one of them cried as they all charge, I shake my head and ready my axe, leaping into the air and slamming down, leaving spikes of stones launching from the ground impaling most of them.
“FIST OF THE MOUNTAIN!” I make an uppercut motion and a fist of earth the size of a car erupts from the ground taking care of two more, I open my hand and slam it forward, the stone appendage mimicking my action, crushing another before I dispel it. I push one away with a wall of earth, smashing him against another, then for the final one I have two stone hands grab him by the shins and lift him up… over a boulder, his legs spread out.
“No! NO! MERCY!” he knew what was coming, I moved my arms down, making a breaking something over my knee motion, causing him to be slammed down.
That squeal was the sign of a Baritone becoming a Soprano in 0.3 seconds. I have the stone arms be dispelled, allowing him to fall over and try to recover, but I don’t let him as I grab him by the throat.
“You will go back to your king empty handed and tell him that Equestria is off limits, you will then travel the land and learn why I stopped you from enslaving mares by interacting with them and actually befriending them, and if I found you haven’t learned a thing the next time I see you, I will rip them off, understood?”
He nods frantically as I drop him to the ground, he scrambles for his clothes and essential gear before fleeing, and as he runs I hear cheering from behind. “All hail the hero of Our Town!” one of the mares proclaimed.
“Hold that thought.” I say as I walk over to the dead stallions, looking through Orgran’s memories for a certain spell used by an undead friend of his. “Aha! Found it.” I raise my hand over the cut throats and pour necrotic magic into the wounds, forcing them to seal but also causing the cuts the Caribou left on me to open further, as they cough and start breathing again I collapse to the floor and cough up some blood. “Stupid equal exchange bullshit, so lucky that Dwarves are endless.”
More cheers erupt. “Hooray for the hero!” a stallion calls out, revealing they only joined to survive, I smile and we party into the night, Starlight was unbound but remained in her cage for lying to the village, she was fed and given water but otherwise had to stay held, not that she couldn’t do anything without her horn.
That’s another thing, she’s the only one with a cut horn, guess with the equality cutie marks they saw no point in it.
It’s funny, Starlight’s plan saved her followers’ horns and wings… but not hers.
After everyone was asleep I headed to Starlight’s cage and ripped off the bars, waking her up. “What are you doing?” she asked, confused and scared.
Starlight’s eyes bug out but I don’t let her respond. “I will explain later, but I want to know if you’re with me.” I reach my hand out to her, and after a moment she takes it, sealing our unspoken pact, and as such I use my healing magic to restore her horn.
As we hear the cries of joy at the return of their unique selves, tears formed in Starlight’s eyes. I sigh and put a hand on her shoulder. “Come, let us go home, you have much to learn.”
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 10: I NEED MORE BEER! I HAVE A HEADACHE!
Tensions were high, sweat was on my brow and Starlight was shaking like a leaf.
“PASS ME THE DAMN SALT!”this again!
This went on for several days, and all the while I was preparing for the upcoming gala and awaiting the completion of my significant other, she was formed enough to place the crown on her but I needed to ensure the body was fully developed before doing so, but either way I was prepared for the gala when it came around, but I still needed to deal with other things.
After finally getting her to work on her dexterity, Starlight quickly became more comfortable with her new form, even asking to learn how to wield weapons or hand-to-hand combat, it was a sight to see and a great outlet for her rage.
Now came the hard part.
“I have to wear WHAT!?” she exclaimed, blushing furiously.casually is not really a thing.Need to really teach him how to-wait what did he say!?
So yes I apparently am now the unofficially adoptive father of the villain the brony community dubbed ‘communist pony’, believe me I was screaming internally too… until I got over it.
So next on my agenda was to call The Merchant, thankfully he answered, still in the same damn outfit.Huh… cut off my argument, he’s good…
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 11: BEST NIGHT EVER! AND I MEAN IT!
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 12: MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES! wait... *SLAM* FUCK! WRONG CHAOS!
Chapter 12: MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES! wait... *SLAM* FUCK! WRONG CHAOS!
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I’m flipping tables, slamming my hammer into walls.
Today was not a good day because of one simple thing.
I’ve run out of bits.
“Orgran? Are you okay?” Starlight said as she came in.LOOK HOW PERFECTLY FINE I AM! ” I threw a chair and managed to embed it in the ceiling.
I go over to her and summon an earth pillar so I’m face to face with her. “Fine, you want to know? Tartarus is a place only the vilest beings in the history of Equestria should be sent to, pain and misery at the hands of horrific demons are what await the damned down there, and the monstrous acts they commit to the inmates there make the Caribou look like FUCKING NUNS!”
She was dead silent, her face paled as she stumbled and fell on her ass, scared silent, I lower the pillar and sigh. “Starlight, you’re an amazing mare, it’s why I’ve wanted you to look up to your potential instead of dragging others down, so don’t let what I said scar you, because I don’t want to ruin your life.” and with that I pulled her into a hug, and she shakily hugs me back. “I want to make sure you can be the greatest of your craft, to have the chance to be the inspiring pony I know you can. So please Starlight, know that whatever happens I’ll be there for you.” she starts crying into my shoulder, letting out all the hurt emotions I probably surfaced with my little rant.
Then she spoke. “I love you, dad.” I was frozen, I just stood there, unmoving… until I calmed and pulled away.
“I guess I am… I love you too.” I pat her head. “I’ve gotta go vent some steam, okay?” she nods, wiping away tears as she got up and headed off to the kitchen.
And with that I walked out and turned to the Everfree… and stopped.
Because up in the air were cotton candy clouds.
“OH YES! JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED!” it was ‘The Return of Harmony: Part 1’ and that meant the introduction of Discord. And really, Discord is best character, hands down, anyone who disagrees gets their hands cut off.
When I reached the base of the mountain I slam my foot down. “Monolith Pillar!” and with those words I’m launched by a massive tower of stone erupting from the ground, and I drop into the throne room through the roof, making a superhero landing. “What did I miss?” there was a group silence except for the clapping upper appendages of a certain Draconequus.
“Well done! Quite the entrance, I heard it is quite hard on the knees.” he said.
Confused by this, but interested nonetheless, he teleports the two of us to a new room, and I sit down and take a swig of my ale as I relax and we just stared at each-other.
“I’m actually a fan of yours, lord of chaos.” he seemed surprised by my statement.
his eyes widen as he gets out a laptop to confirm my statement.
Soon he calms down and acts like he didn’t just get lost in his feelings. “Alright, you win, I’ll follow this plan of yours, but if this doesn’t work I’m going to turn your beard into licorice.” he spoke.
“TOUCH THE BEARD AND YOU DIE. ” I was so cold in my words his horns frosted over.
“Oh hey Pine, don’t mind me, just finished having a friendly chat.”
Author's Note
MORE! GIVE ME MORE SUSTENANCE!
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 13: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFU-
I had just finished setting up a fold-out chair and a fruity drink for myself, and relaxed as I watched the ‘double rainbow all the way’ cannon engulf the de lancie snake and give him the Maredusa treatment.
Before you ask, yes, Maredusa is an actual thing.
And I was already cringing from memories of a certain magician saying ‘neigh-sayers’.
Anyways, after the--totally called it--light-show, I packed up my stuff and headed back inside, overlooking my sleeping queen, she looked nice sitting atop her throne, in sapphire lined armor and crown upon her head.
Yes, she was fully developed and the crown of Elnir was weaving her new soul into this very vessel, to be more specific, the crown responds to the one who uses it, so I told the crown to make a true dwarven female personality, her name would be Salerna, a name meaning to be focused and clear of mind, I left the crown only with that to work with and finally to imprint upon her memories of being in Mylinia and then magically winding up here.
Now for appearance, as expected she shared the body structure of a Mylinian Dwarven woman… and by that I mean when I was Ark, the design would be similar to what Outbreak Company did, in the sense that female Dwarves will retain a youthful and child-like appearance, while still sharing physical abilities with the male Dwarves, such as immense strength, incredible ingenuity, and a love for beer so passionate it makes an alcoholic look like a saint.
{Author Break}
And before someone in the comments gets up in arms about Lolis and weird fetishes, let me be clear, in a fantasy sense, something like this:
{Break End}
She had long crimson pigtails and a soft tanned pigment to her skin, and while the thick armor did cover up her figure, it only gave a more intoxicating aura of strength and authority, which I kinda liked personally, half because she was to be my queen as I set out to bring a Dwarven kingdom to Equestria, and half because it’d make her a challenge when the courting started.
...so much of my life has changed since that fateful day at the con and I just keep loving it more and more.
And then the door knocks…
Well it couldn’t be all perfect.
“Ugh, I can’t handle all this bullshit!” I mumble as I open the door. “What do you fucki-oh hey Celly.”
She glared daggers at me. “I’m not comfortable with you giving me a nickname, Orgran.”
“What are these?”
...uh oh…
“Um… not really, I’m kinda busy with something important and delicate-”shitshitshitshitshit!!! my house it belongs to my friend…”
Starlight jumped at my sudden appearance but Pine was prepared and responded. “What is wrong, master?” oh yeah, Pine could speak now because I taught him between the chapters with a little something called ‘plot convenience’ ...plus dedicating a chapter to teach Pine words sounded stupid.and burn you alive !!”
With them hidden and the lab locked I got back to Celestia. “Come in, your Celly-ness.” she huffed in annoyance at my antics, but soon calmed down once she saw the inside.
What.
I immediately turned to find Celestia taking something out of a sack on a nearby kitchen counter, I couldn’t make out the item, but the markings on the sack itself made it clear…
That’s the bag I took from the Caribou…
“I’m curious, what do these taste like?” she said, and proceeded to place one of the crystals into her mouth.
I froze up, sweat coming from my face like rivers, there was only one word that came to mind.
BUGGER!
Author's Note
well it seems Orgran's in quite a pickle, Celestia may not have bothered to scan for dark magic but it seems the Dwarf's future is quite black.
comment on what you want to happen in the next exciting chapter of:
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 14: THE END HAS TOO MANY FEELS! *chugs a whole keg*
Chapter 14: THE END HAS TOO MANY FEELS! *chugs a whole keg*
The spell triggered in a dark flash of pure shadow, once faded revealing the nude form of a now anthropomorphic Celestia, the regalia somehow complementing her nudity in a way… though I was far too scared to actually get aroused.
“...Orgran…” Celestia spoke coldly, yet her aura burned in fury. “Why do you have dark magic in your home…?”What? ” the simple question was so devoid of emotion, it triggered some sort of primal fear.
Celestia turned to me, her pupils like pin pricks, bloodshot with actual fire, and said 4 words.
A: Mylinian Dwarves have had to stare down creatures before, it has become a hard-wired fear of being in a situation where you have to stare down something you can’t kill.this mad, she was seething, blood vessels threatening to pop at the slightest twitch, this is the kind of rage you encounter before waking up in a desolate landscape and shaking hands with a skeleton in a robe.
So you can clearly understand my position when I had to squeak out a “n-no.” of terror.
...two things told me I should start running.the magic of Equestria decided to be a wise-ass and start playing an all too familiar jingle.
Naturally I did what any smart Dwarf would do.
{POV CHANGE: TWILIGHT}
I had begun trying to find a friendship problem, ANY friendship problem.BE SILENT AND FACE OUR DIVINE JUDGEMENT, CUR! ”She looks different. I thought. How did she manage such a transformation? Maybe I can study the effects and-
*FWOOM*
I yelp in surprise at how my mentor was trying to burn the terrified Dwarf. She’s going to kill him!
{POV CHANGE: ORGRAN}
I found myself backed into a corner, Daybreaker floating towards me intimidatingly, her fangs bared like a predator looking at its newest meal. “Say farewell you pathetic wretch. ” she spoke as she charged her horn, and I flinch away as I close my eyes and prepared to be toast.
…
…
…
Huh? Move aside, Twilight, this is between me and him. ”
“No.”You dare disobey me!? I- ”are friends!”He is the reason I am stuck like this! ”
I spoke up. “I’m humble enough to admit that this is indeed cowering-”SILENCE! ” my flinch and little whimper of fear seemed to surprise her, and I could see something new in her eyes as she floated to the ground and looked at me.
Regret.
Eventually she spoke up. “I… I am sorry Orgran, I do not know what came over me, I should never have overreacted like that.” Daybreaker’s form faded from her, returning to the gentle face of Celestia, a single tear in her eye. “I shall take my leave and figure out this new change on my own, I won’t cause any more trouble for you.”
She turned to leave but was stuck, I had used some earth magic to grip her to the ground by the ankles, then I pulled her over to me and into a hug. “I forgive you.” it was three simple words, but they were enough to bring the once stoic Diarch to tears, holding me close as she sobbed in both shame of how she acted, and relief that she hadn’t lost me as a friend.
We finally broke off before it became awkward and she flew back to Canterlot, then I hear Twilight mutter something about a ‘friendship report’ and I reacted by shouting. “No! Bad Twilight!” and hitting her with a convenient newspaper.
After shaking her head clear of her stupor, she smiled and nodded at the idea. “But I’m still gonna write this down, it’s a very important friendship lesson…”
Dear Princess Celestia.
Today I learned that true friendship is not only sticking by someone, but being there for them even if it’s scary. Standing up for another ~~person~~ pony is not the easiest thing, but friendship is about doing so despite how hard it may be.
I also learned that sometimes friends can hurt each other by accident or mistake, and that it’s also very hard to fix these mistakes and lose a friend forever. I wasn’t just scared about death or being hurt when that accident happened to my friend, but more importantly I was scared that even after all of it she would hate me forever. But thankfully I learned that sometimes, fighting to keep your dearest friends can be so much more worth it in the end.
Your Dearest Friend.
I let Twilight spell-check it before she rolled it up, and she seemed to have gotten teary-eyed at the letter’s contents, scooping me up in a hug which I returned.
Yep… friends are awesome...
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 15: FLASHBACK, GRAB THE POPCORN!!!
Author's Note
behold more of the lore of Orgran's world!
Chapter 15: FLASHBACK, GRAB THE POPCORN!!!
It was the 1st of the Netherborn incursions, and no small one at that, the kingdoms of Man, Dwarf, Elf, Undead and Dragonkin were being pushed back, and even when we made them pay in blood for every inch, they came back with interest. The armies of each race alone could not survive, so five heroes arose to unite them and turn the tide.
And that’s when things changed, with the united efforts of all five factions, each race covering another’s weaknesses, we managed to push back against the Netherborn until they were in a corner. The first time since this damn war, Mylinia was winning against the evil.
Then the final battle, the confrontation with the Nether Lord, came, and the five heroes came together to lead the assault. Selena: the Human Swordmaster, Interse: the Undead Warlock, Onera: the Elven Druid, Hearth: the Dragonkin Sniper and me…
Orgran: the Dwarven Battlemaster.
With our combined might we rolled over the weakened enemy forces, it was our chance to turn the battle into a slaughter and we took it. We made them pay for every soldier they tortured, every innocent they killed, every family they tore apart for their sick desires. And so it was that we six left the armies of our united peoples to mop up the remaining soldiers as we came face to face with a beast that would only be seen as normal in nightmares.
The Nether Lord stood 20 feet high, he wore no true armor, instead the bones and scales of all he has slain decorated his body as one more symbol of his monstrous desecration, using those fallen by his hand to protect himself. His claws were scratched and dull, stained with still dripping blood, and again the bones of the fallen were adorned on them, further defiling them with gems that were filled with dark energies. His face was the only thing not covered in this ‘jewellery’, a wolf like head with no fur but the rough purple skin that defined a Netherborn, only his head had two curled horns like that of a ram.
“So… the five gather to slay the one, if I wasn’t so powerful I’d say this was unfair… well it is for you, anyway. ” the maleficent being chuckled, mocking us.
“We shall put an end to your tyranny monster! No more will fall by your hand!” Onera called out.
“...wrong... ” it was too fast to stop as the monster launched a sphere of magic at our Elven friend, and we froze as we saw him fall to his knees, clutching his heart that fell out of the hole through his torso, eyes wide in terror and agony. “There is no stopping me, now four others will fall. ”
“ONERA!” Selena called out in shock and heartbreak, then turning around and charging the giant in her rage. “DIE YOU BASTARD!” she leapt up to strike.
“SELENA WAIT-” but I was too late, the Nether Lord backhanded her away like it was nothing, the force smashing her into a wall, the impact leaving no trace of the warrior’s identity.
“Let’s see you backhand this!” Hearth called out, aiming his Infernus Rifle and firing off a cascade of ember-infused shots. The Netherborn simply waved his hand and the bullets stopped, then dropped to the ground.
“My turn. ” the bastard spoke as he broke off one of the bones of his armor and launched it with a flick, impaling it through the Dragonkin’s neck, we were helpless to watch as another fell, choking on his own blood.
“We can’t win.” I said. “He’s just slaughtering us one by one… Interse, run, I’ll hold him off.”
“I am not running, Orgran!” the Warlock shouted. “You are my friend! I will not leave you to die!”
“YOU NEED TO GO TO OUR PEOPLE AND STOP THEM FROM COMING HERE! If they all charge in they’ll suffer our fate, now go!” he was still reluctant. “Please… as a friend, grant me this last wish.” tears ran down our eyes as we looked at each other, then he turned and ran.
“A coward’s plan. ” the Netherlord declared. “I will kill them all eventually, your pathetic attempt at stopping me is futile. ”
I said no words and just roared in anger, my blades clashing with his claws, my stone walls against his magic, my hammer against his fist.
But no matter how long I could stand against him, I became more and more exhausted, unable to endure as long as he could, until I fell to one knee, too tired to even stand.
“Just as I said. ” he lifted his foot, prepared to crush me like an ant. “Futile. ”
I awaited the blow, but opened my eyes as I heard a roar of pain, and I saw the Nether Lord crumbling to dust, and Interse standing there, channeling the mutual curse spell.
“No…” I gasped out, and as the leader of the Netherborn fell, I ran to my friend, who collapsed, seeing his feet begin to turn to dust as the curse brought its effect down on him.
“Interse… you stupid, stupid bastard.” I manage to get out as I start crying, knowing now that all my friends were gone.
“...Orgran.” Interse coughed out. “I could not… let you die… like this…”
“And you think this was any better?”
“You… have a chance… to make new friends... I… do not…”
“But the alliance, undead were being treated equal now, you had a chance…”
“No… not really… Orgran… grant me a… last wish…”
“Anything, old friend.”
He thrust his hand through his ribcage and pulled out his heart made of black stone and green lines of necrotic energy pulsing. “Hold still…” and with his last act he punched a hole through my chest, placing his heart next to mine, and I screamed as new magic entered my system, healing my wounds and burning itself into my veins.
His voice called into my mind. Now even in death, Orgran… I can protect you, my first friend…
I woke up with a gasp of shock, grasping my chest…
“Holy shit… note to self, drink more beer before bed.”
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 16: Recollection And Under-FUCK THAT, TIME FOR DWARF CHICK!!!!!
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 17: Dark Forces: Part 1.
Author's Note
OH SHIT! you know stuff's getting serious when the Chapter Title isn't shouting!
first of several parts.
Chapter 17: Dark Forces: Part 1.
So today was the fabled wedding episode, the one where Chrysalis would be a very unwelcome guest to the ceremony of Cadence and Shining. Also an opportunity to see if I could succeed where Starlight had failed… unless of course changelings are different in this universe than they were in the show.
Onto other matters, for example how do I know this? Simple…
I’m Twilight’s friend, of course I’d be invited to the picnic, and when I saw spike come in and hand Twilight the scrolls I knew what was happening.
Also be prepared, for I am going to do two things I haven’t done before.
The first is that I will be writing down the song. The second will be revealed soon.
Twilight started up her lyrical moment.
“When I was just a filly,
I found it rather silly,
To see how many other ponies I could meet.
I had my books to read,
Didn’t know that I would ever need,
Other ponies, to make my life complete.
But there was one colt that I cared for,
I knew he would be there for me…
My Big Brother, Best Friend Forever!-”
“Like two peas in a pod, you did everything together!” my baritone voice cut in.
Though caught off by me joining in the song, Twilight seemed to shake it off before the next part. And as she did I decide to work background.
“He taught me how to fly a kite!” “(Best Friend Forever)”
“We never had a single fight.” “(You did everything together!)”
“We shared our hopes, we shared our dreams!
I miss him more than I realized,
It seems…”
I gestured for the others to join me, adding their voices to the song alongside me.
“Your Big Brother, Best Friend Forever!
Like two peas in a pod, you did everything together!”
“And though he’s, oh, so far away,
I hoped that he would stay,
My Big Brother, Best Friend
Forever…”
“Forever…” I finished off, then cheered a little. “That was actually kind of fun! You should invite me to sing with you more often, we could really get a harmony going!... pun not intended but I’m happy it’s there.”
Twilight looked at me in confusion. “Did you not realize how I was pouring my heart out about how Shining Armor didn’t invite me to the wedding?”
“Wait you’re still upset? Did no-one notice the massive fucking bubble around Canterlot?”
“While I do not care for Orgran’s language, he does have a point, darling.” Rarity added.
I grabbed the wedding invite before looking it over. “It says here that Shining is Captain of the Guard, and since there is a large magical barrier around the capital around the barrier, there must be a military matter going on. It makes sense Shining would be very busy.”
“It can’t be that much work! And I’m his LSBFF! He should’ve told me in person.” Twilight whined.
I sigh and put my hand on her shoulder, looking her dead in the eye. “No-one has your organisation skills Twilight, and this is more than just paperwork. Clearly someone or something has threatened the capital and as such it would be a high-ranking officer’s duty to remain vigilant until the matter is resolved, whether or not his abilities ensure it. By the look you gave the bubble, that’s clearly Shining’s magic casting that barrier, which requires constant concentration, strength and stamina. While that is certainly gonna be handy come the honeymoon-” I hoofbump Rainbow who got the joke. “-it also means he can’t take his focus away.”
“I… I get that, but who even is this Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!?” the purple unicorn asked in frustration.
“That… that is a mouthful, wouldn’t somepony like that shorten it to something better?” I did my best not to smirk, knowing what was coming.
“Yeah, I bet she’d shorten it to Princess Cadenza for the… other… IT’S CADENCE!” she shouted in realization.
“Who?” The others asked in confusion.
“My old foal-sitter! I can’t believe I didn’t notice, if I had gone up to Shining without thinking I probably would have yelled at him for no good reason and made him feel bad!” She stopped and looked at me, a soft smile on her face. “But you knew I would, didn’t you?”
“Well, I’m good at reading people, and you looked like you were gonna blow your top.” I shrugged modestly, and then found Twilight hugging me.
“Thanks Orgran, you’re a good friend.” she said, and in return I give her a friendly pat on the head, not up for hugging right now.
“No problem Twilight.” she broke off.
While the others decided to chat on the way, Twilight actually excited to attend instead of upset about her brother, which she would have been, had I not intervened. Anyway, with that going on I kept away from the group, feeling a pain in my chest the closer we got to Canterlot.
The problem eventually got bad that I had to head to the bathroom so I could take my armor off and check what was going on.
What I saw shook me to my very soul, as I looked upon a hole that appeared in my chest, and glowing within was something I remember from my dream.
Interse’s Black Heart was reacting to my future, something that it knew was happening, should I continue this path.
“Should I continue in my self-appointed mission, Canterlot shall become my tomb… you’re trying to warn me of that, aren’t you?” the heart glowed in response. “Well forget it, I’m not afraid, and if I don’t do this it means I’m abandoning these ponies, abandoning my friends, to Chrysalis. Out of the both of us you should understand most about why I’m not going to do that.” the glow dimmed, and finally faded as the hole in my chest closed up, so I put my armor back on and headed out.
Is this what you meant by protection, Interse? Giving me your heart so it would drive me away from my fate… no, there’s something more, but what?
“Hey Org, you okay?” Rainbow Dash asked as she saw me, snapping me out of my thought.
“Just fine… must be jitters, I guess.”
“About what?”
“Well it’s a wedding, for once I’m going to have to sit still and behave!” that got everypony to laugh.
But for me, my smile hid concern.
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 18: Dark Forces: Part 2.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Interval: Sex... FOR SCIENCE!
{POV SET: STARBURST}
I un-stunned the terrified looking Changeling, smiling my usual smile..
“P-please let me go, I don’t want to fight anyone…”
“Ooh, an intriguing one.. Nonviolent..”
{POV CHANGE: THORAX}
I looked at the mare in front of me…… scared as she seemed to look me over, I try to find something to focus on so I don’t scream…
“W-what’s that over there?”
I point to two glowing purple crystals that seemed to be lodged in the wall from some sort of blast. She looked to them, and shrugged, before getting my attention again.. then she... hugged me..?
“I… uh… what… what’s going on?” I feel myself get a little unnerved from the sudden friendly contact.
“You're different. I'm curious. So I'm studying you… hm… your body is.. stiff, yet soft feeling.. you're insectoid, right? You have a chitin exoskeleton?”
“y-yeah…”
“My name is Starburst Cog. What's yours?”
“I’m… Thorax…”
“... Huh… that sounds kinda cute..” she blushed, and.. nuzzled me?? “.. I wonder what those crystals Actually do…” she went over and touched one, causing it to glow and flow itself into her body, changing her in a matter of seconds into a bipedal form. “.... I look HOT! I'll need to document all my experiences!!”
“Uuhh… “ I glance over to the second crystal.
“Try it!! I think you'll love it!” She began to feel herself up, Completely forgetting, it seemed, that I was still there.
“O...kay?” nervous, but seriously not wanting to make a problem, I touch the other gem, causing me to take on a bipedal form.
“.. those crystals… are amazing.. you look kinda hot, now..” She walked over to me And started feeling across my body. I blushed at the contact.
“Correction, You're perfect~ ” she said seductively, and looked me in the eyes.
“Meep.” I gasp out, very nervous.
“Have you ever taken a mare before, Thorax~?” I go beet red, giving away that I haven’t. “Well, I think it's about time you learn~. I haven't had a good rutting in years~..”
“I… I…”
“Wow, you're nervous.. here, I'll lead until you get confident.” She began licking at my sheath, trying to get me aroused. I let out a breath as I feel my erection pushing out into the open air. “There you go~. Ooh, it look so similar to a stallion’s~.” She began sucking on it.
“Aahh~~...” I moaned, unable to stop her under the stimulations, and she soon stopped, and got up
“Ready to rut me now~?” her voice sounding so sweet, like nectar…
I looked her over, mind swimming with my new-found lust, and with a shaky breath I nod, reaching out to her cautiously. “Go on, do what you want with me~. I'll let you know if you're too rough.” I pull her close, a desire to taste her, my snake-like tongue emerging from my lips to coil around one of her bare nipples, pulling it into my mouth to tease and drink dry. “Ahh~.. you're pretty good at this~..” I ignored the praise, my senses giving me all the incentive I needed. I pulled back and moved lower, shooting my tongue into her wet snatch to taste the sweet juices. “Ooh~! Your tongue is getting everywhere inside me~!”
I lapped up her delicious honey, before pulling back, a voice within telling me it was time, and I began to push my shaft into her warm folds. “Mm~! Oh fuck~! I haven't had a cock like this in months~!” She was definitely already enjoying it. I pull her closer, lifting her up as I speared her down to the base. Her face was that of bliss, and her legs wrapped around me. “Mm~!! This is easily the best sex I've ever had~!!”
“So… good~~!!” I thrusted harder, feeling myself build up.
“Mm~! Ahhn~..” she kept moaning in pleasure.
“Starburst… I can’t hold it back…” I began to speed up.
“Don't hold back~! Do it inside~!” I obey, slamming into her as I emptied myself into her awaiting hole. “Ahhhnnn~...” she moaned to the heavens.
As I laid there, curled up with Starburst, I sighed and relaxed in her arms.
Ponies aren’t so bad… maybe I should try that friendship thing they’re talking about…
Author's Note
yes! this is a clop side-chapter right after a serious cliffhanger!
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 19: Dark Forces: Part 3.
Author's Note
and now, the moment you've all been waiting for...
MORE SIDE-CHAPTERS!
just kidding.
here, have some yummy continuation.
Chapter 19: Dark Forces: Part 3.
{POV SET: TWILIGHT}
I was frozen, unable to move alongside my friends, the only sounds coming from the group were the sobs of both Fluttershy and Pinkie.
Our friend was dead.
Even after our first impression of him was… rocky… we found he had a lot in common with us and we got along great. He always seemed to help us at our worst, or even at our best. He always looked for a way for us to spend time together or for him to help us with whatever we worked on.
He touched all our lives in some way.
Rainbow Dash was touched when Orgran taught her an activity called ‘parkour’ and from that day the two always raced along obstacle courses, it also was a good way for Rainbow and Applejack to compete as the course was in an enclosed space, so flying wouldn’t help her. He also has been putting her through training to help join the wonderbolts, including humility training. It’s safe to say me and the others were shocked when we tried that mare-do-well plan and she was fine with it… and only started being angry at the masked hero when said hero started being a bit of a show-off, and Applejack only got more surprised when Rainbow didn’t get upset about how low Cider was and instead offered to help so that everypony got Cider this season.
Speaking of Applejack, she was touched when Orgran offered a new way to tend to Zap Apples. His connection to the earth on an intimate level let him see what they needed in order to grow faster and bigger. There was no longer a Zap Apple season as they were plentiful all year round, it also began a major turn of new recipes, Zap Apple Pie, Zap Apple Fritters, Zap Apple Cider (Rainbow was especially happy about that), and even simply selling Zap Apples on their own. Orgran also helped her sister and her friends, who called their group the Cutie Mark Crusaders, understand what a Cutie Mark really is, and that they weren’t going to discover it by trying everything… although they still do their crusading, now they’re trying to find their cutie marks in what they enjoy together.
Pinkie was touched the first day he worked at Sugarcube Corner, he introduced her to all kinds of different parties and celebrations of his world, along with all new recipes. He also joined her and Rainbow when it came to pranks, even finding ones that Fluttershy could still enjoy. But the most beneficial is his introduction of lessons to Pinkie, while I would never admit it out loud, Pinkie always seemed to be too hyperactive… but after that day she’s seemed to have gotten outlets, she’s now more controlled, even if she’s still Pinkie.
Rarity was touched after Orgran helped her in the boutique, teaching her techniques that not only made her designs even nicer, but also extremely durable, the wedding dress she made for Cadence-even though Chrysalis was wearing it-was still in one piece on the changeling queen even through the transformation. I had asked what techniques or designs Orgran had shared with Rarity, though they both said it was a secret.
Fluttershy was touched after Orgran saved her from a pack of Timberwolves who had assaulted her home and animal sanctuary. After that he taught her how to be courageous and less shy around ponies. We all were able to smile when Fluttershy no longer stuttered or lost her voice when she went out into public, especially when that stallion tried to scam her out of some extra bits for some cherries. And we all cheered for Orgran when he finally got a certain rabbit to behave himself and finally realize how badly he was treating his timid owner.
And as for me… I was touched at the gala, not only did he help my friends, he helped me finally spend some time with Celestia, even though she was drunk.
I finally got to spend some time with my teacher, and she was honest with me, speaking of my potential and how she saw me as one of her friends… after telling her I felt the same we shared a hug… and I couldn’t help feeling so happy as we finally felt closer… and even more so when I learned she remembered the whole thing and didn’t take it back.
Orgran in one way or another worked to make our dreams that much more real.
And now he was gone… I, along with the rest of my friends, couldn’t help the tears that fell from our faces.
{POV CHANGE: ORGRAN}
I open my eyes in some sort of void, the area black with green cracks running through it that pulsed with unnerving light, it wasn’t hard to tell where I was.
This was the Black Heart.
“This is… incredible.”
The moment I uttered those words a white formless figure arose from within the cracks. “Greetings, Orgran the Red.” the figure spoke.
“You know me?”
“Yes, I am the artifact once bound to Interse, but now bound to you.”
“You’re the Spirit of the Black Heart…” the entity gave a nodding gesture to my realization. “...so, what happens now? I’m dead.”
“I have no end, no beginning, so now I can become your second beginning.”
“What?”
“In times of critical injury, or when you call for my strength, you will take on an undead form which I shall inhabit, but I am truly formless, only you may choose the form I take…”
This was truly a second chance, a second life for me, one that could form to become any undead I choose… but what would Orgran-
No… I’m not just Orgran, I am Ark Kane too, I will not limit myself to only his way of thinking.
With that settled, an idea formed in my head, I grinned… devilishly.
“I have a form for you, but I want to give it a true first impression in the world, will you allow me to control my skeletal remains as I lay down the pave-work for you?”
The figure changed and reformed, its newly settled shape grinning as it spoke.
“Sure pops, I love making an entrance!”
{POV CHANGE: CHRYSALIS}
“You were too easy.” I look down upon what was left of my ‘opponent’ “if I knew it would be this easy to kill you I would’ve held back… let you hurt longer for defying me.” I turned to leave and return to the wedding hall.
But then I heard movement, I whipped my head back around and froze.
The Creature’s bones were standing, on their own. It took out its hammer and spoke with a voice that echoed within my mind.
DRANLUN, SPIRIT KING OF DWARVES. OLTHOK, SPIRIT KING OF UNDEAD. I CALL UPON YOU TO GRANT ME A GREAT POWER.
Shadows coalesced around the blunt weapon, the sudden force of his words freezing me in place.
GRANT ME THE GIFT OF A MONSTER, THE GIFT OF AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE. BRING ME A NEW FORM AND A NEW MIND TO INHABIT IT, AND BRING WITH IT WEAPONS THAT SPOUT HOLY FLAME AND DIVINE METAL.
A stone obelisk arose in front of him, an image of a pair of strange weapons carved into it.
BRING ME… THE DARKNESS THAT CASTS A SHADOW…
He raises the hammer, prepared to strike.
UPON THE DARKNESS ITSELF!
He smashes it down, calling forth a pillar of black flame that burned away the light around him, and when it settles all I could see was dust and smoke, but when it cleared I wished I couldn’t see anymore.
The figure was tall and thin, wielding the same weapons revealed on the obelisk, but now real with their metal glinting from the sun. the figure wore a large coat, concealing his body in shadows so it was difficult to gauge what his true shape was. All I could see clearly was a face underneath his large hat.
A white grin of vicious fangs, and eyes hidden behind crimson mirrored sunglasses.
“Yes…” the figure spoke with a deep voice. “HELLOOOOOO EQUESTRIA!!!”
He looked at me and smirked.
“The Crimson Fucker is here.”
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 20: Dark Forces: Part 4 & Foreboding Future.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 21: CARNUS THE BLACK KNIGHT!
I woke up walking out of the Everfree, covered in blood, to which I stripped from my body.
Alucard has finished his walk and as such returned into his domain within the Black Heart.
He’s an alright guy… maybe I should work getting him a Seras… eh I’ll deal with it later.
I walked home, intent on relaxing after a rather eventful wedding, sure it seems dickish to let the others still think I’m dead, but I really could not be arsed right now. Much better to go home and relax with Hella, Starlight and Pine.
What I could be arsed with however, was a Caribou in black armour marching towards me. I grit my teeth, pulled out my hammer, and prepared for battle.
……… he’s bowing, I did NOT plan for bowing!
“Greetings, Mighty Bearded Orgran the Red.” the black knight spoke from behind his helmet, the enchantments masking his voice.
“Alright, you complimented the beard, nice idea to get on my good side, but I’m a bit disadvantaged since I don’t know who-” I froze as his helmet came off, revealing a familiar face. “YOU! You were the one I spared all that time ago! Why are you here? How did you get here?”
“Forgive my sudden presence, great one, I had followed your wishes… I even took initiative and learned the lesson you asked of me on my way back home. However… my former king does not fear you or has been enlightened like I have…”
“That does not answer my questions… um…”
“Carnus, Carnus Anteron, I had kept my new outlook from my king, informing him of your actions within the Village of Equality, killing the commander and my comrades. When I told him of your… punishment for me,” he winced. “He assigned me to be one of his new knights for my strength and endurance, and ordered me to hunt you down, so the shamans teleported me to your estimate location.”
“And your true motives?”
“I have instead used these resources for my own ideals under his nose, not only cutting off the return glyphs on my armor and equipment, but also for a more noble purpose.”
{Flashback}
A shaman came to me. “Sir Anteron, I have brought your trophy to bring with you on your quest, as you have asked.
“Let me go! I’m not some object!”
“Silence!” he rose his hand to strike her, but I stopped him.
“No, this is my property, I shall punish it if it acts up.”
“And why not now?”
I gave a fake grin and responded. “I like them when they fight, why do you think I took a black collar?”
“You bastard!” the pegasus mare bit back, I did my best not to wince at her hatred.
“I understand, Sir Anteron, I will not pry into your fetishes.” he placed the restrained ‘toy’ onto the podium with me before joining the others in chanting the incantation.
*vwoip*
With one swift transition, we were in a field overlooking a pony village that I learned about in the scrolls. Immediately I turned to the mare and cut away her restraints, causing her to blink and freeze up at the sudden release. “The village down there, Ponyville, has a very accepting community and a hospital that treats all three tribes, they should be able to fix your wings.” I said as I moved to remove the return glyphs on my person.
“But… but why?” she said, unable to comprehend me being kind.
“I’m not the same Buck that I was when I was birthed into this world, taught only that our way was the right way. All it takes is one person to show it was wrong, to be honest I was not the one to choose who I would save.”
“Who was?”
“...my mother, take care of yourself Windy Ways.”
She gasped, and after a minute she… hugged me, then went on her way… I felt a bit warm in my chest as I headed towards my target.
“Dammit, why did it take a nut-check to experience this?”
{Present}
I was looking at the caribou before me in surprise. I never expected this guy to actually learn anything, I was expecting him to just go into hiding in fear that I would keep my word. But here he is, a Buck that went above and beyond and took my lessons to heart, and he did this willingly . I open my arms out. “Bring it in.”
“Ex...cuse me?”
“Come on, you never heard of a bro-hug before? Come here!” he was shocked at first, but hesitantly moved forward, and when he was close enough I pulled him in.
He managed to not panic and we broke off soon after. “Welcome to the good guys, Carnus, if you’re a knight looking for a king, then you may be the first of my order.”
“I… thank you, my lord! I shan’t let you down!” he proclaimed as he donned his helmet and bowed.
“Now, let us go home, we don’t have lands yet, but with our group we’re definitely starting to be a kingdom, even without an army.”
“Oh! That’s right!” he said worriedly. “I am sorry my lord, but I must mention, I came here to warn you that Dainn has begun plans for war with Equestria, using ancient war-machines he has taken from vacant caves scattered across our claimed realm.”
“That’s bad… with the level of technology Equestria has they don’t stand a chance, and there’s no point trying to train ponies to be fighters… what we need is our own army, and fast.”
“I shall do what I can, but how shall we accomplish such a feat? We are merely a rogue band of misfits.”
I smile. “Carnus, you’re not afraid to talk back to me, I like that… but you are right, we need help, but the author hasn’t been able to get any displaced to crossover with this story yet.”
“Come again?”
“U-u-uh! I mean I haven’t been able to get my hands on any tokens… and for some reason the Genji Gloves I have don’t seem able to summon Gilgamesh nor do Raven’s Dog-tags work anymore.” I said, trying to save the fourth wall.
“I see… tokens?”
“They allow unique beings like me known as Displaced to call upon others, I sent my Token into the void but I’ve gotten no replies, so it looks like we’re on our own.”
“Though if I know you right, you’ll be able to handle anything the mad king will throw at you.”
I let out a hearty laugh. “Too true! I’ll be sure to think of something!”
Let’s just hope I can get a plan ready in time.
Author's Note
though seriously I do need help finding Displaced to crossover with, so could anyone please assist with that? it'd be much appreciated.
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 22: OH LOOK STARBURST'S BACK!
Author's Note
I bet some of you were hoping for another interaction between the two, and now you have it, and my first fully fledged crossover with another active displaced comes in the next chapter.
Chapter 22: OH LOOK STARBURST'S BACK!
Suddenly, as me and Carnus moved to return home, someone tapped on my shoulder.
“Hello, Orgran.”
“S-STARBURST!? But you… I… what happened!?”
“Touched some gem. Turned Anthro, I believe it's called, And Had hot, hot sex with a Changeling named Thorax. I heard you needed an army.” I was silent for the longest time.
“Yeah… what you touched was a dark magic gem, created by the Caribou as a method of subjugating the world, if they turn every place they attack anthro, the defenders have no chance of fighting and apparently they find such a form to be attractive, so it makes their soldiers more motivated to rape the females. The Buck standing next to me is Carnus Anteron, my knight of the order of the Iron Wyrm, he is the only one of his kind currently to see that King Dainn’s ideals are wrong.”
“Greetings m’lady, I am honored to meet a friend of my king.” he bowed respectfully to her.
“Greetings. My name is Starburst Cog.”
“Your assumption is correct, but I do not know how you may help, we cannot use pony soldiers, even with our training the crystals would immediately cripple them, not to mention King Dainn has taken claim and reactivated machines that once belonged to the original residents of the land the Caribou have taken, powerful thundering war machines that could break even the mightiest of beasts… oh, and not to mention the horrific beasts they have bred to be used as feral mutated cannon fodder… and then there’s… the meat shields.”
“Meat shields?” I ask in suspicion.
“Dainn has not brushed away my warnings, he is aware of how ferocious you are when it comes to his ideals and his plans… so now all the women they captured will be forced to march along with their masters, given no weapons, no armour, forced to fight with their bare hands and protect their owners with their bodies or face punishment. I see it as what it is, paranoia… but this kind of paranoia is bad for us, it means that we can’t fight back without killing those who are innocent.”
“What if we paralyzed them all? I've been working on paralytic potions I can turn to gaseous forms in my lab!” Starburst chimed in.
“No… that would be way too problematic, we have no way of telling if the beasts will be affected, and the war machines may have some autonomy… wait… Carnus, if they’re using meat shields, it means they’d only be using the red and purple collars, right?” I asked.
“Yes, the black collars would be seen as too much of a liability, more likely to dodge out of fear of being hurt or just so their master is harmed.”
Then I had an idea.
A delicious idea.
A devious idea.
I had a deliciously devious idea. “Starburst, I’m going to impart some wisdom onto you, a saying spread about through the orders of the most eccentric scientists and wizards of Mylinia.”
“Oh? Tell me! Tell me!!” she was giddy from my baiting her in.
“‘When in doubt, make monster girls.’”
“Muahahahah… MUAHAHAHAH!!! I have just the compound!!” Starburst said with Glee.
“Yes! We’ll turn all their meat shields into monster girls… and make the slaves rape and conquer the masters!” I said confidently. “Plus it will gift the reds and purples with new minds, making the purples sane and the reds disobedient.”
“YES!! We must retrofit the Centurions immediately!!”
“Centurions?” upon my bewildered question, she put on a glowing golden crown, and we felt thundering footsteps approaching.
“Oh, I also finished the Firebats!”
“Actually I had worked on a superior model using the firebat you left me.”
“Aww..” the thundering footsteps came to a halt, and I saw the hulking mech suit. It was still steampunk, but it also looked customized, flames painted on the flamethrowers, and the left one had a name painted on it,
“Can I show you mine?”
“One sec!” The cockpit opened, revealing a metal Pegasus Automaton. “Say hello to Centurion Alpha!”
“... can it actually speak or are you being rhetorical?”
The centurion spoke in a voice that sounded more like gear noise than an organic voice. “I can speak, My rightful King.”
“He's the first one who can. He's also the only one so far with a personality.”
“Well if he’s calling me king right off the bat, I can’t complain… hmm, you know what, Starburst, get some paint, and colour the mark of a Blue Wyrm onto his Firebat, consider it his armour, as the second knight of the order.” the Wyrm emblem was magically painted onto the Firebat, and Starburst took the crown off her head, and presented it to me.
“This is rightfully yours.” I smile and use earth magic to merge it with my helmet.
“Thank you, head Royal Scientist Cog.”
“That's got a nice ring to it.. The crown, now your helm, is the enchanted command apparatus for the Centurions I've constructed, King Orgran. the Thunder Hammer legion is now at your beck and call. Shall we adjourn to my lab so I may show you the compound?”
“Of course, and you would be given that position given all your successes under my watch, the Firebat, the Magma Dusters, Hella...”
“I'm glad.. wait, who's Hella?”
“My wife, the result of your cloning.”
“Oh! Where is she?”
“ORGRAN!” suddenly I’m tackled by said wife.
“OOF!” was my response as I hit the ground and then immediately showered with affection. “Hella, Hella, we’re not alone.”
“Oh, sorry.” she said as she got up, blushing. “Oh hi.”
“Hello, Queen Hella.”
“... mommy?”
“.. I guess I sort of am your mom…. Give momma a hug!” She got down on her knees and reached out for a hug.
“Oh don’t be so sappy!” she pulls Star into not just any hug, but a classic Dwarven hug, the Bone-squeezer, a hug so oddly tight that it doesn’t break anything, but instead harmlessly squeezes the person like a squeaky toy.
“That's my daughter!” She hugged back with a similar hug.
“So ma, how do you like my taste in men?” she said, giving me a side glance.
“He's a good catch.”
I was facepalming, unprepared for Hella’s next words.
“What about my taste in women… mommy~?”
My face looked akin to a fucking fish right then.
Starburst just coughed, blushing.
Holy crap! I know I should be mortified but part of me is finding it attractive!
“The fuck was in that crown?!”
“Huh??”
“Follow me for a moment, Hella, how about you go talk to Alpha and Carnus?”
“Okay hun.” she said before skipping over to them, her armour leaving tiny craters in her wake.
“So… you’re wondering, ‘what crown?’ right?”
“Yeah..”
“Well, to begin I must explain, I was not always Orgran the Red, originally I was Ark Kane the Human, from another world.”
“Neat.”
“The person who sent me here, known as The Merchant, is also the one who allowed me to become Orgran, and make a new life here, as such I have a made a method of contacting him and as such we have struck a deal. The first item I’ve asked of him being an artifact of Mylinia, the crown of Elnir, that when worn by a being with no soul or mind, the crown then gifts a mind and soul based on its analysis and the user’s preference, even memories that it would materialize into history, reality and other memory, if she is calling you mother… do you remember raising a young little Dwarf girl in your past?”
“... Yeah, I do..”
“It’s freaky, isn’t it? You’re sure you never met another Dwarf before me and now you have memories, and actual physical history of raising her, it’s why Elnir has never created adults from scratch, since it messes with other people’s psyche, the best you can do right now is accept it, and be happy with it.”
“I am accepting it! I have a daughter!”
“I meant the memories, you’re going to have to accept you have two lines of memory, and the original one has been removed from history.”
“I have accepted it. I have a daughter whom I've raised into a strong and independent young Queen. I'm proud.” I suddenly start looking at everywhere but her.
“Independent wouldn’t be the best choice of words, when we started courting… she threw the fight so she’d be sub…”
“Well everyone has preferences.”
I blink and fall back in shock, and as I let surprise drift me off I had a thought.
She was diabetes-inducing adorable last I met her! Now she’s hot and has some hidden kinkiness-WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 23: Half-assed around the Half-elf!
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 24: SUPER LONG EMOTION HEAVY CHAPTER + EPIC SPEECH!
It’s not gonna work.
Yes it is, the science is sound.
I meant your whole ‘trying to convince Celly it’s a good idea’ thought process.
I sigh, looking down at the crystals I’m placing into the device. Alucard, I have to do this, despite the repercussions, minions and towers alone cannot hold against warbeasts and ancient war-machines, and so long as the Caribou can use these crystals to cripple the ponies, they’re unable to help us.
Aren’t you still wanting Displaced help?
And what if I can’t find any?! This needs to be done, if not for me then to ensure that Equestria no longer has to fear dark magic transforming them.
Wait… you mean?
Yes… once this is done, the change will be irreversible, and give them an immunity to such spells, of course they can still change themselves like with the breezies, and chaos magic doesn’t play by the rules, but essentially, the new pony form will be anthro.
And you’re not doing this so Starlight and Celestia are no longer alienated?
Now what do you mean by that?
Come on… you know you like-
Alucard I am not making a harem nor am I going to fuck my own adoptive daughter, fuck off!
Oh you’re no fun…
I look upon my creation, with a twin mix of pride and terror, a sensation of satisfaction with the fear of what I could become if I lost myself.
“Is this what it felt like for Einstein when he discovered that equation? Only for others to make atomic ordinance?”
“Who?-”
“OH SHIT!!” I jumped, almost dropping the device. “Oh it’s just you Starlight… to answer your question, Albert Einstein was one of the greatests in human history, he discovered that a massive amount of energy could be released from the smallest piece of matter, he presented this discovery as E=mc2, which means Energy equals Mass multiplied by the speed of light squared.”
“That sounds like a revolutionary idea… but how does Ordinance fit in there?”
“Because many brutish military leaders saw only it’s potential, not long Atomic bombs were created using this concept, as the name suggests, it used atoms in its payload.”
She seemed to laugh at that. “I know what an atom is, those tiny little-”
“One of those bombs was powerful to level an entire city.” that shut her up.
“Couldn’t they rebuild?”
“Nope, it’s not enough it levels everything, the entire land becomes victim to radioactive fallout, it doesn’t just destroy, it makes what’s left completely uninhabitable?”
“Oh Faust, why would they make something like that?!”
“Stupidity, but as of now it’s astronomically rare for them to be used outside of tests.”
“Then why keep them?”
“Bigger sticks.”
“... I’m sorry?”
“Old human concept, ‘if you want to avoid a fight, have the bigger stick, the bigger gun, the bigger tank.’ nations can’t get along nicely so in order to make sure no-one tries anything we keep the big scary bombs so that no-one else uses theirs.”
“Oh… that sounds terrible.”
“Well, it’s been in that stalemate since forever, and humanity will be stuck like that for a lot longer. It’s what they do, but they’re getting better, slowly but surely they’re getting better.”
“Okay… well, I’m going to bed, goodnight dad.”
“Goodnight Starlight.” I smile and give her a hug before putting my creation away.
I look to the town and let out a heavy sigh, holding what I created, hidden in a cloth.
And so I walked into town and stopped when I heard a gasp, and turned.
I saw the entire mane six looking at me in shock, tears in their eyes.
Holy shit even Applejack’s crying! AND APPLEJACK CRIES ON THE INSIDE!
“O-Orgran?” Twilight said shakily, like she couldn’t believe what she’s seeing.
“Oh… crap, I knew I was forgetting something… so, I should say, yeah, I did die… but I got a lifeline and now I’m not… oh Dranlun, I’m sorry girls, I’ve just been busy with things and-WOAH!!” *thud*
I shook my head clear as I recovered from the group glomp that I was now in the centre of.
“We don’t care! You’re alive!” Rainbow sobbed.
“I was so saaaaaad!!” Pinkie whined.
“We missed you so much! I… I thought it was my fault you died, if I had stopped her sooner…” Twilight couldn’t say more through tears… and then I noticed we were drawing a crowd.
Naturally I responded like I normally would.
“Fuck off! You never seen a touching moment before?!”
The six mares blinked, before bursting into laughter.
“Yer Orgran alright!” AJ hollered before they got off me. “We… we really missed ya Orgran.”
“I missed you too, though I doubt things will ever be normal.”
“Why’s that, darling?” Rarity asked.
“I… I have some very bad news…”
By the time we got to the library, the six had become practically catatonic in expression from how I explained the situation.
In fact when we got there Rarity ran to the bathroom to hurl.
“So you’re telling us these Caribou are waging war on us… to turn all the mares into sex slaves?” Rainbow asked, still unable to believe the story.
“Yes, and like I said before, I already took out a group who had made claim to a village, if I hadn’t that scouting party could’ve struck much deeper into Equestria, thrusting their main force through the opening into the land’s tender nether-HOLY SHIT THAT SOUNDS SO BAD!! IGNORE THAT! JUST FUCKING UNHEAR IT!” they all nodded.
“But… why?” Twilight asked.
“Their self-proclaimed king, Dainn, had a goal, while not harmless, it wouldn’t have been to this extreme.He believed the age of Matriarchy is flawed and that a Patriarchy should be instated for the Caribou people, erupting into a war of genders, once this civil war ended both sides still had plenty of each with them so as to not die off, though the does only had the more peaceful bucks that rejected Dainn while Dainn’s forces had any does they managed to foalnap before fleeing to an island far from the main continent.
I don’t know much about it save for what my informant knows of it, but on that island Dainn… talked with something, something evil that sought only conquest, devoted worshippers from those that submitted, and destruction to those who didn’t, it… twisted them into something different from what Caribou originally were. They used this corruptive magic to overwhelm their old homeland and overthrow the current Matriarch, who is now kept as Dainn’s personal pet.”
“Oh no…” Fluttershy whimpered, but I raised a hand before she could cry.
“I have it on good authority that while she does suffer such a fate, her soul has been blessed by Harmony herself, no matter how much he tries, she will not break, and as such has remained a hope for her people.” I resisted the urge to ‘dawww’ when Flutters did her cute ‘yay’. “What’s more, I managed to discover that while the Caribou were changed, the magic cannot affect the mind, I already have one of their great knights joining us in the fight.”
“How are you so sure you can trust him?”
“One, I gave him a nut-check with a boulder.” they winced. “Said I’d do worse to him if he didn’t go into the world and learn that Dainn’s way was wrong.” they tensed up. “But the most notable act is one you can confirm.”
“Huh?” the six said simultaneously.
“Okay… has there been any reports of a naked, humanoid pegasus being treated for bad wings?” they all nodded. “She was one of Dainn’s captives until said knight tricked them and smuggled her out.” they went wide-eyed at that.
“So… he helped her get free?”
“On the request of his own mother.” they smiled at that, knowing with that kind of evidence it was clear this one wasn’t bad.
“So… what’s that thing you’re hiding?” Rainbow gestured to my covered machine.
“Something special… for an announcement.”
“I’ll get it set up.” Twilight said before heading off, then the others followed to help out.
When they were gone, strangely enough, I saw a letter from the void.
“...oh cool it’s from Thrin.” I began to open it. “Wonder what he thought of…” I blink, and almost fall over laughing at an adorable little Lolilestia in a Cirno outfit!
But then it gave me an idea. These things can be reprogrammed just like that? I wonder… I cracked my knuckles and begun work on some extra adjustments… to the crystals themselves and not the machine.
Now I felt more pride, with this new change, I wouldn’t ruin Equestria with this brash plan… I would save it.
{POV CHANGE: TWILIGHT}
“ATTENTION FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS!” the gathered crowd turned to Orgran, who stood on the stage. “I have an announcement to make, it’s not a happy one, but a necessary one, so as to ensure no-one misses out, including the ones whom this is about, I will use my connection to the earth itself to transmit the message world wide!”
Wait what?
{POV CHANGE: CHRYSALIS}
“I know we are reeling from the rather… aggressive act brought on by Queen Chrysalis, but now is not the time to turn the changelings away, instead we must welcome them!”
“Well I’ll be damned…” I muttered as I watched the announcement. “He’s keeping his word after all, maybe I should’ve been more-”
“For you see we all face an enemy, no, a terror, that seeks to ruin us all!”
“Wait what?”
{POV CHANGE: TIREK}
“What does this creature spout on about?” I asked angrily.
“This menace does not just seek to claim castles or magic, no, what this enemy seeks is far more horrifying than Tirek’s desire for our magic or Nightmare Moon’s wish to make eternal night!”
I scoff.
“They seek to violate our women!”
The gasps of the ponies heard through the screen was nothing compared to the thousand yard stare I had, now intent on hearing what was being told.
Many don’t realize, but me and Scorpan were not the only siblings…
We had little sisters…
{POV CHANGE: CELESTIA}
At first I was overjoyed to know Orgran was okay.
But now I was mortified by what I was hearing.
“And much worse! These self-centred beasts wish to assert male dominance and force the entirety of females to become sex slaves, made to be willing toys to their male slavers!”
{POV CHANGE: GILDA}
“Now I know many of you cold hearted bastards would love to see that, well then let me clarify something, they do not care for race! Disabilities! Personalities! Families!”
The pause made me anxious.
“...or Age!”
And now I’ve lost my lunch, great.
{POV CHANGE: DRAGON LORD TORCH}
“So while you snivelling bastards assume to think this would be a benefit? Think for a moment, how would you feel about raping your best friend? Or sister? What about even your daughter? Because they will not encourage this behaviour, they will expect you to!”
“UNTHINKABLE! ” I roared in outrage. “I WOULD NOT DARE HARM EMBER IN SUCH A WAY! ”
“And they won’t stop there, if you’re too much of a coward to commit to their cause, they will mentally corrupt you into doing it anyway. Or they’ll kill you and rape those women themselves!”
I roar further, my anger igniting the sky.
{POV CHANGE: GENERAL RAGE HORN}
“And they are not alone, they have become the avatars of an unknown demon which has given them these dark powers! To turn us and ruin us!”
“SICK MONSTERS! LIEUTENANT!”
“YES SIR!”
“INCREASE TRAINING! We’re not letting these monsters have an inch.”
“YES SIR!”
{POV CHANGE: DAINN}
I watch with narrowed eyes as the ‘Dwarf’ continued to talk.
“We have a name to put behind this evil force! Dainn and his Caribou! They are the ones who seek to destroy all we know! To lay claim to all we care for!”
{POV CHANGE: CHIEF THUNDERHOOVES}
“AND SO ON THIS DAY I SAY WE ALL BAND TOGETHER! Yes! Even the Denizens of Tartarus! To fight Dainn until he is buried in the ground! Not until we are tired! Not until the last man! NOT UNTIL WE CANNOT FIGHT NO MORE! I WILL FUCKING BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH MY OWN GHOST IF I HAVE TO! THAT BASTARD! SHALL NOT! WIN!”
Cheers erupted from the crowd gathered at the display, one which I joined in with great fervour.
{POV CHANGE: TWILIGHT}
“But first, I have had to make… a radical decision.” he pulls the cloth away, revealing dark magic crystals connected to a strange device.
“These gemstones carry a sliver of the Caribou’s dark magic, designed and used to turn any equestrian race anthropomorphic, meaning a bipedal humanoid shape, like how you have seen Celestia, who had come into contact with the crystals I was researching that I had regretfully left unattended.”
This caused murmurs in the crowd.
“She has forgiven me and we have moved on from it now that she is accustomed, that’s not the point, the point is when one of these was used in a far off village, the ponies were utterly defenseless.” the group gasped. “They could not adjust to the new forms quick enough before the Caribou had already established a foothold, and they will do this across the entire world!” more worry came to them.
“That is why I have come up with a solution! These crystals before me have been reprogrammed, while I cannot remove its initial purpose, I have made it so the transformation comes with an educational rush to allow an instant transition, and made it so once the transformation is finished, these crystals will not work again, however the form you take will now be your true form, not even shapeshifting to your old form using spells will work.”
“And you expect to just pass these out to the world and hope they’re okay with it?!” one of the ponies asked.
“What? No! No no… that’s what the bomb these things are hooked up to is for.” he pulled out a detonator.
“BOMB?!” me and the crowd shrieked, and before anyone could move to stop him.
*click*
Author's Note
whoo! this was a long one.
bet you didn't expect this kind of twist eh?
be sure to check my blog, I wanna hear suggestions.
also... gives us the feed back!
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 26: Thrin! My Arch(mage)-NEMESIS!
In the morning I woke up to a very pleasant sight, my wife curled up next to me, cuddling me like a teddy bear, and Starburst out cold with her plot in the air.
Can’t say I’m surprised, she managed to keep conscious until the end though.
“Morning, honey, think we should wake her up?” I asked, nudging the now well-rested Dwarf woman.
“Maybe… but on the other hand I’m enjoying the view~.” she giggled before poking the conked out mare in the flank, tipping her over. She didn't wake, but moaned and there was a resulting wet spot at her crotch, and she convulsed in pleasure. “Okay… got an idea?”
I smirk and rub my hands extremely fast until small arcs of static electricity could be seen dancing across my gauntlets, then I poked her…
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!*
“AHHHNN~!!” her back arched, and her crotch SPRAYED.
In frustration, I sigh and simply use a healing spell on her until her body recovered and her mind felt rested…
… then I tried it again.
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!*
“OW!!”
Once she was awake I could now laugh at her misfortune, especially since I’ve used a memory spell to record her little moment in a gem to possibly laugh at again later.
“... Why am I sitting in a pool of my own marecum?”
“Oh, just a warning next time you think you can handle two Dwarves at once, we tried waking you up before and that was the result.” Hella explained.
“Here, see for yourself.” I say as I pass her a copy of the gem. She used it.. blushed.. and what she said next was unexpected.
“Can I have a copy? This is.. this is hot. ”
“That is your copy.”
She immediately stored it away in a rift. “Gonna save that for later.”
“okay...”
“Hey, mares need sexual relief, too, y’know.”
“Uh huh…”
“I'll go ahead and work on those projects you gave me, have a nice day, you two!” She ran off.
“...got any clue what the fuck just happened?” I asked Hella, who just shrugged.
Anyways after recovering from… that, I moved to send my newest Delivery to the Merchant, then idly began flipping Thrin’s token, and once true boredom settled in I clutched it.
“Thrin! Buddy! Pal! PLEASE tell me you have something for me to do! Boredom is killing me!” I pleaded, finding it funny I have to ask a half-elf to think of anything interesting for a Dwarf to do.
In a flash of light Thrin appeared a wide grin on his face. “Great timing man. We just finished an announcement and interview about my Equestria's new Arch-Mage. It was so freaking boring and way to many ‘Nobles’ looking for ways to brown nose! So what’s new with you?”
“Oh nothing much, except me and my wife recently had a three-way with her mom.” I say, attempting to goad a reaction out of him
Thrin gave a very awkward chuckle. “Sounds kinky. So who’s your wife?”
“SQUISHY WIZARD!” I hear her yell from behind me before charging forward and-wait is that my warhammer?
“OH SHIT NO! GHOST!” Thrin yelled before becoming incorporeal.
And Hella actually stops her swing an inch away from his nose before dropping the hammer and falling over, laughing her ass off. “HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE HIS FACE?! Oh god squishy wizards are always such pussies.”
“...Thrin, meet my wife, Hella.”
“...A pleasure.” Thrin grumbled before creating a yellow holographic computer and began typing something down. “Although I didn’t know that the Dwarven women of your world were like your wife.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.
“To be fair to most you would look like a young human female at a distance. I apologies if I insulted you in any way.” Thrin said with a small bow of his head in Hella’s direction.
“I look like a what?” she said, not exactly a scholarly mind. “Could you dumb it down a bit for the non-bookworms?”
“You look like a young girl around...ten years old if I had to guess, but again that would be if someone wasn’t talking to you and saw you at a distance. Does that help?”
Oh shit.
You walked right into it.
WHY DID YOU WALK RIGHT INTO IT?!
I backed away as I saw her eye twitch. “You see, that’s what I thought you said… horse.”
“Fizzle.” Thrin said and a orb made of many small yellow balls appeared around her before dispersing. “Shit.” He muttered.
“No, I mean Horse.” I watched as she picked up my forging hammer and slammed it down.
Now, you know how in Red Vs Blue with that incident involving Grif and that cement thing?
Yeah think that except instead of Thrin going down, the thing erupted upward.
I cringed a little as I walked over to him. “Rule 1 of Dwarf Women, human women hate being called old, Dwarf women hate being called young girls.”
“Duly noted.” Thrin groaned. “Cure.” A soft white glow enveloped him, and I help him up, just as the door knocks.
“Oh really?! What now!” I groan as I move over and open it, only to be tackled by a pink ball of fur, followed by the rest of the mane six and princesses showing themselves in.
...apparently not concerned about clothing still… okay.
“Ow! What?! Why?!”
“Come on Orgry, you keep putting off your welcome to ponyville party ‘cause you-say-you’re-not-living-in-ponyvillebutyoustillneedtohaveawelcometoEquestriapartysinceyou’reinEquestriaand-”
I proceeded to deafen myself to her tirade, hoping upon hope that Thrin is okay.
He just got nut-checked a few seconds ago, Dranlun forbid his dick breaks too from all the nude mares, but looking his way I saw he was fine.
“Nothing spamming healing spells wouldn’t fix.” He said with a small flinch. “But I will be sore for a while.”
After having Pinkie get off me and compromising we have a small private party with just us here, I move to introduce them. “Thrin, I would like you to meet my universe’s royalty and elements of harmony… I’m guessing part of you is curious as to what happened to have them… essentially anthropomorphic sex goddesses?” Seriously, it’s just meant to make them anthro, why and how did they wind up hot ?!
“I’m guessing you used the knowledge that the Crystals could be reprogrammed to your advantage or this is their true anthro form.” Thrin said with a shrug and as a wide grin covered his face as he pulled something out of his cube. “I know Orgran has seen this but would the rest of you like to see my world’s Celestia after she used a Crystal?”
“No!” Celestia pleaded.
“Yes!” everyone else accepted.
“Thrin, not now, anyways I actually got your letter at the last minute, the main part of the plan was hooking up the crystals to a spell-bomb, which may or may not have been strong enough to reach into the banished realm of a certain empire which I will not confirm or deny the existence of and that’s the end of it, so, is there anything you want me to help you with Thrin or do you want to have a bit of a spar?”
“I haven’t had a chance to spar with anyone seriously since Discord left to do his job. Sounds fun.” Thrin said putting the picture back into his cube.
“And about the help?” I brought up. “I want to get that done before putting myself in a fighting mood.”
“Well I have been having a lot of problems with two of my main projects.” Thrin said tapping his chin before pulling out a yellow book with a lightning bolt on it. “I’m trying to make a spell tome about this big, but with near infinite pages so I can place all the spells from the Fire Emblem Tomes into it. That way I don’t need to switch which one I’m using in a fight and can put the rest of the spells I know in one place. I already have the spells I want to use to place defenses on it ready but I have no idea how to get the main book done. Not even any of the Champions I am willing to turn into can help with this.”
“Hmm, follow me I have something that could work.” I say as I lead him down a hallway.
“Ah, here we are, my private workshop, now what you need is a Mylinian Item known as a Mana Archive.” Upon hearing this Thrin’s eyes gained a gleam of curiosity. “... stop that you look like Twilight.”
“But unlike Twilight I can control myself.” Thrin chuckled.
“Yeah, just don’t start drooling when you see my library. Now, the Mana Archive is actually not of Dwarven or Even Human make in Mylinia, it was actually the Dragonkin who created such a useful utility, akin to the tablets of Earth, Mana Archives had holographic pages and near unlimited storage space to house information and even display demonstrations visually with a 3D projection more defined than video. Many great wizards used these devices to an extreme, creating artificial guides from copies of their consciousness so that they may continue to teach the next generation.”
“That last part sounds like the Jedi and Sith Holo-cubes or whatever they were called.” Thrin mused.
“Except these holograms are sentient and can choose to bar you from learning if you are unworthy, even going so far as to overload the gemstones keeping the thing together, essentially killing themselves, it’s not hard to make a normal one however, though if you want to try the guide thing you’d need some Arcanite for the brain, anyways, to make one all we need is some empty book covers, a rechargeable mana battery, and several gems to program it all.”
Thrin pulled out a purple book with a strange fusion of an A, T, and Star in the center of the cover and handed it to Orgran. “This is the book I wanted to enchant. I’ve kept it on me incase I made a breakthrough.”
I grab some gems and proceed to cannibalize the book for the cover alone, then placed each gem in a spot and carved a Dragonkin rune for each aspect, control, archive, assimilate and display, before hooking up the mana gem to be the battery and turned it on. “Spellbook please.”
Thrin began pulling book after book out of his cube and placed them on a table. once he was finished with the books he started pulling scrolls out. “How will I add more information to it?”
With that I pick one of the books up. “Simple, it’s built in, you see that amber gem with the rune that looks like a claw picking up a stone? That’s the Dragonkin rune for assimilate.” I tap the book against the rune and watched as the gem lighted up and absorbed the book into it before the flow of mana moved to the Archive gem. “And the purple one here is Display, tap it to bring up the pages, the Control and Archive ones are automated, and to use it simply treat the screen like a tablet, to turn it off simply tap the Display gem again.”
“I’ll admit this is not what I had in mind but I can work with this.” Thrin said. “And this will definitely give me an edge over Bolarc and Dhoulmagus.”
“Hmm, oh yeah, another thing I should mention, if you’re in a pinch simply place your hand onto the Control Gem, that’s the emerald, instead of tapping Display, then you can simply think up what you need and the Archive gem, the red, will transfer the right spell into your brain.” I say as I have it assimilate the rest of the books and scrolls before passing it to him.
“Orgran you literally just solved EVERY problem I had with this project!” Thrin enthusiastically said. “If I make more for my Equestria I promise you’ll not only get full credit for this but most of the profits that would normally go to me for introducing it.”
“Doing Dranlun’s work you are… anyway, anything else you need help with?”
“Yes. Something similar to this project.” Thrin said and pulled out seven staffs. Two from Dragon Quest and five from Fire Emblem and laid them out on the table. “I wanted to make a personal staff with the combined power of these seven staffs. The five you see here are from Fire Emblem and are the Healing staffs, while these two are the Rune Staff and the Staff of Antimagic from Dragon Quest. I thought i would be a good idea to have other ways of casting healing spells or Fizzle and the Rune Staff can increase my allies defences.”
“...you want just that or do you want to learn some Mylinian spells too? I mean I have been meaning to call up the Merchant for some Arcanite anyway.”
“WIth everything you’re offering I feel the need to teach you more of my spells...even if most of them are from Final Fantasy, Fairy Tail and Dragon Quest.” Thrin said sheepishly.
“I’d be up for it, but really it’s going to be element-neutral spells at most, like Song or Soul magic, if you want what I can do you’ll have to have an earth aspect or get one, and I doubt you’d survive a dip in molten metal or injecting liquid rock into your bloodstream.”
“What about the Champion Malphite or Skarner?” Thrin said Before snapping his fingers. “Wait a minute! I’m forgetting the Champions here!! I have access to the entire Dalmacian Archive not to mention Ionia! Heck I’m teaching the Rainbow of my world Wuju. Who would have thought she’s a natural at being a Monk.”
“Oh please, Skittles is about as subtle in martial arts as she is in hiding her massive Les-boner for Applejack.” I said flatly. “The things she does with her lasso when she thinks no-pony’s looking would make Molestia blush.”
“Dude she gave up on her dream of becoming a Wonderbolt for this training. The one in my world is a lot more mature than I first thought. Tell you what. I’ll make a Lacryma of the Archive magic and put a lot of the Dalmacian spells into it. Then I’ll send it to you as payment for the Mana Archive and staff. Deal?”
“Sure, come on, I still need that Arcanite, and if you don’t want it, you’ll get to meet the Merchant, so either one’s good.” I say as I pull out the copper summoning statue.
“It would be interesting to meet the Merchant.” Thrin said with a shrug. “But I’ll just stay back and let you do business with him. I don’t want to risk screwing your deal up.”
“Relax, the only way you’d manage that is if you thought to punch him.” I begin the summoning call, and as expected he arrives.
“Ah, Orgran, my trusted supplier, to what-... who’s he?”
“Another displaced, speaking of which, I need some Arcanite to use for some projects.”
“Hmm… well your goods are still high quality, especially that Yveltal plush, just sold it off recently, here.” he says before passing me a generous chunk of it.
Then he looks right at Thrin with that creepy not-visible-grin of his. “Say? Got any siblings or friends you’d like to meet again, I’m sure I could arrange something…”
“So could Shopkeep or the other versions Arashi and Cecil.” Thrin calmly said.
“Argh.” the Merchant spat. “So you’re part of Shopkeep’s little club huh? No matter I can find other deals to make.” he tapped his chin. “But say, now that I look at you… you’ve already got someone out here, a sister, perhaps? What if I said I could… nudge you, in the right direction?”
Thrin looked at the Merchant for a few moments then sighed. “What do you want.”
“Well it’s rather simple, I’ve been recently discovering some displaced are tampering with my spells, so my items have begun to fail 50% of the time, I can’t stop them but… they have no way of countering another displaced’s enchantments, if you accept you’ll see many of my defective props in your room, simply give it a working spell and I’ll collect it later.”
“Does it matter what kind of enchantment I put on the items?” Thrin asked.
“Yes, it needs to be the same kind as I use, the method isn’t important, so long as it displaces the poor sap as what they dressed as to another Equus.”
“Is it safe to assume you’ll teach me the spell if I accept?”
He laughed at that. “Please, if my kind of spells were still effective, why would I have another use them? No, I only care about the end result, I don’t care how you do so, even go to that Shopkeep and buy one of his spells for it, as long as it works I’ll be happy.”
He reaches his hand out. “Do we have a deal?”
Thrin was silent for a couple of minutes before shaking the Merchant’s hand. “Deal.”
“Excellent.” he pulled his hand away, revealing he placed a strange rune into Thrin’s palm. “That will draw your sister’s Token to you so long as you pour magic into it, and once it arrives, allow you to summon yourself to her Equestria using it instead of waiting for her to find yours… farewell.” and in a puff of smoke he was gone.
Thrin shuddered. “Can’t help but feel like I made a deal with a devil here.”
“Yeah, but if anything he always keeps to his deals, so if he says it’ll work…”
Thrin shook his head. “Well as...uncomfortable as that was it’s good to know I’ll find my sister soon.”
I clap my hands. “So! Staff design?”
“I want to to look like a simple wooden staff with a grey wolf carved at the top. In most fantasy setting the fancyer the staff the stronger it is. Not many would expect a simple walking stick to be a powerful mages staff.” Thrin said with a smile.
“Should I also use the Arcanite I’m gonna put into it to make it so the head bites anyone except you trying to use it?”
“Yes please but make it so if I give someone permission they can use it. That way my friends can use it in an emergency.”
“Got it.” I begin work. “Last thing, song or soul?”
“What do they do?”
“Soul allows you to manipulate soul energy and turn your astral projection into a fully fledged poltergeist, good for either spying, fear tactics or it’s halloween and you need to explain what Five Nights at Freddy’s is. Song Magic is one that affects reality based on the songs played and the user’s intent with that song, for example, songs like Disturbed’s ‘indestructible’ would make you an absolutely terrifying beast on the battlefield, have you use the heavy rock to cause the earth to quake, or have the guitar riffs unleash sonic attacks, although if it’s for entertainment it will let you summon a demonic band to play alongside you or something.”
“So Song would be good for Pentakill or Sona as I’m not much of a musician.” Thrin pondered. “Soul is sounding more useful to me at the moment… I’ll go with Soul.”
“... um, I was going to mention the song plays through the staff from your mind but whatever.” I prepare to add the Soul Magic emblem into the piece I’m using.
“What I mean is that I could not only attack with their normal abilities but can also use other music to disorient my foe’s and the other effects from the magic.” Thrin explained.
“I see.” I hammer the emblem in then continue on with my work. “Soul is a double-edged sword, much like the crotch-plate, while useful, it’s not recommended to try and use the astral projection abilities until you’ve ensured your body’s safety, as if you don’t… well, it wouldn’t exactly be hard to off someone meditating, if you are using it, the best thing to do would be to use the soul energy around to make Poltergeist minions for those tasks.”
“Thank you for the warning Orgran. I’ll keep it in mind.” Thrin said as he worked on the holographic computer again. “Gotta love the Fairy Tail Archive magic. It may not be as useful as the Mana Archive for battles and the like but it still helps in different ways.”
“Speaking of battles, your staff is ready to-”
*Bark*
...bark?
I look down. “... oops…”
“Did you just give my staff some form of sentience?” Thrin asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I kind of do my job too well… so now you have a pet staff.” I say as I pass him it, the wolf head moving around as it was now alive and acting much like a curious dog.
Aaaand then it burps up a fireball.
“I don’t mind my staff being alive, but where did the fireball come from? It’s components were meant for support.”
“Well… Arcanite is essentially a form of magic given solid form, every Mylinian has it in there blood to allow the use of magic based on their aspects, by the looks of it, your Staff is now able to use the same spells it’s user is capable of.”
It barked again, then coughed a bunch of soot that got…
...into my beard.
“... alright I’m gonna kill it.” I say before yelling and lunging out at the wolf-staff.
“Aero.” Thrin said and a small ball of wind took all the soot out of my beard and placed it in a nearby trash can, and also knocked me away. “You ok Orgran?”
“Fine, anyways, now we’re ready for Sparring, just say ‘I wanna good fight!’ and a fae golem will guide you to the arena, I’ll get the others.” I say as I wander off.
Want to know what a Fae golem is? It’s essentially a fairy carved from a single gem and given life.
...it’s really fucking hard to do.
And so we were at the arena, me and Thrin on opposite ends, friends and royalty in the bleachers, cheering me on.
“You go Orgran!” Pinkie yelled!
“Yeah! Kick this Thrin in Flank!” Rainbow called, and I think I heard a tiny ‘go!’ from Fluttershy.
“...okay now this seems unfair, you mind if I try something?” I ask Thrin.
“Go ahead.” Thrin replied, he pulled his hood up on the way to the arena. He had the staff in one hand and the Mana Archive in the other.
I pull out Thrin’s token and concentrate on the Bleachers opposite of my friends.
“By the will of Drunlan, great spirit king of the Dwarves, grant me connection to another plane, bring me strength I had not attained before, and grace me with the power… to pull. ” I say as I clench my free hand.
Suddenly a rift appears, dropping down another group of Mane Six, Princesses, and… Discord?
“Hmmm?” Discord said looking around. “Why Thrin I didn’t know you had a vacation planned for us, but why so soon? I mean I just got back to work.”
“Relax, Discord, you’ll be back the same split-second you left, I was the one to summon you through the link Thrin’s token has with your world, I’m Orgran by the way, and from Celestia’s glare I can tell you know what I’m famous for… also, cute dress Celly.”
“Thank you. I admit I wasn’t a fan of this form at first but I’ve come to enjoy it.” Thrin’s Celestia said. “But that doesn’t mean you’re getting off easy for giving Thrin those crystals.”
“Please don’t, I already dealt with my Celestia going Daybreaker and nearly roasting me alive once she transformed, I don’t need another.”
My Celestia winced at the comment. “Not… my greatest moment.”
“Who said anything about attacking you?” Thrin’s Celestia said with a cute yet very creepy smile. “I prepared a special lecture just. For. You.”
“Please, loli-lestia, you’re nowhere near as scary as my wife, so… this is the monk-style Rainbow I’ve heard about, a fresh perspective to know you and not be creeped out about what you do with AJ’s ropes.”
“WHAT!?” My Rainbow and AJ said, both with incredibly red faces, except AJ was glaring at Rainbow.
Thrin’s Rainbow and AJ also blushed but more out of anger than anything. “Kick his ass Thrin!” Rainbow yelled.
“Show him the power of Equestria’s new Arch-Mage!” Luna cheered.
I turned back to him. “So, how hard of an ass-beating do you want? Shall it be no holds barred or do you want me to go easy on the squishy wizard baby?”
Thrin cracked his neck. “Time to let one of the Beasts out of their cage for a while. CHAMPION TRANSFORMATION! CHO’GATH!” A burst of violet light appeared and in Thrin’s place was a massive creature with four arms each ending in a blade. His eyes glowed green with as sharp horns jutted out of his skull. Opening his mouth to roar revealed hundreds of razor sharp teeth. His voice was mostly the same but had an echo. “Let’s see how long I can control one of the Forbidden Champions!”
I, in my masterfully Dwarven style, let out a yawn, checked my gear, then called on my own monster.
“HELL-KNIGHT! ENSHROUD THY KING! ”
Now to understand what happens next, you know how Titanfall has mechs that fall from the sky?
Well consider this the opposite, as behind me some demonic rift pulled open from the darkest depths of Tartarus, a massively immense steam powered mech emerged, it’s body like a mix of steel and magma, a helmet that only revealed a raging furnace, and a chainsword and shield which burned with the emberglow of its heart. It climbed out with a hiss and a groan of creaking metal as it grabbed me up and tossed me into its chest as if it ate me, then let out a roar which sent out a pillar of flame from every opening.
My Equestria’s ponies were shocked, eyes bulging out at the unknown terror before them, so I moved my glance to gauge Thrin’s ponies’ reactions. Several of them looked at each other worried, but out of all of them Discord was the most concerned. Discord muttered something but I was still able to hear it. “I think the only reason he’s doing this is because he trusts that Orgran and I could stop him if he loses control. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
My laugh echoed out the machine, the enchantments making it deeper and more sinister. “A fat lot of good Cho’Gath’s gonna do him without any minions to ‘Om Nom Nom’! ”
A Fae Golem showed up, glowing a pleasant green. “Fighters ready?” it says in its fluttershy level of cute voice.
“Ready! ” I confirm.
“Bring it!” Thrin agreed.
“Then… begin!” it flew out of the way, and I opened in with the best strategy ever!
Beat his head in with the shield! Thrin dodged to the side and brought two of his arms down to pierce the Hell-Knight’s right leg. “Unlike in the League. I have no restrictions!”
“Good! Like how my mech’s not got as many as you think! ” I say as I use the opportunity to twist the mech’s hips a perfect 90 degrees to bring my sword down on the two exposed limbs.
“Feral Scream!” Thrin yelled and let loose a roar that shook the ground, knocking my attack away from the sound waves alone. But in a desperate act, as my sword was in my left arm, I move the right down to hook onto them and at least break bone if not rip the limbs off entirely.
“Never challenge a Dwarf in Melee! That’s like challenging Robin Hood to an Archery Match! ”
“Yeah! Show him Orgran!” My Twilight cheered.
“Show that beast how a true warrior fights!” My Luna exclaimed.
“Holy shit! He is so hot right now!” Hella stated, making me slightly fearful of the inevitable nighttime activities.
“CHAMPION TRANSFORMATION! WUKONG! GHOST!” Another flash of light and Cho’gath was replaced with by the Monkey King.
Thrin jumped back sweat pouring down his face. “Discord Thrin will want the time for how long I could control Cho’gath later!” Wukong yelled before looking at me. “Sorry to break it to ya but Thrin’s down for now. I had to step in to prevent that overgrown freakshow from taking over.” Wukong smirked. “Don’t worry though he’ll wake up soon. For now it’s time to shake things up! Slow, Haste, Gravity, Oomph, Sap!” Wukong glowed red and green for a moment while his Gravity spell barely managed to pull the Hell-Knight to its knees as it glowed green. Wukong didn’t seem to care that the Slow spell didn’t seem to do anything. “Libra.” He muttered as he ran towards the Hell-Knight after reving the device on his back.
“I’m glad nothing bad happened with Cho’gath.” Discord said reforming his head as it had melted from worry.
“I agree.” Thrin’s Fluttershy said as she moved out from behind Luna. “I know that it was Thrin in control but just the feel of that form felt...wrong. As if it was a cornered fox just waiting for the right moment to pounce.”
“That’s not all.” Thrin’s Pinkie said her entire body hadn’t stopped shaking. “I saw a look in Cho’gath’s eye. That was the look of someone ravenous for food, but I’m scared to think what kind Cho’gath would want.”
“YEAH GO GET HIM TEACH!” Rainbow yelled as she put an arm around Pinkie.
I open up the chest cavity and leap. “BOOT TO THE HEAD!” I say before dive-kicking towards his face.
Wukong easily dodged and counters with his own kick. “You’ll have to be better than that to hit the Monkey King!”
“You think being a monkey king is worthy?! LISTEN GOOD YOU FURRED FARCE! I AM THE DWARVEN KING! ” I raise my arms and giant stone copies erupted from the earth to his sides, and I slam them down having them mimic my moves.
“You’re a foolish little man. I GET STRONGER THE MORE FOES I FACE BUT WHY DON’T WE EVEN THE ODDS!” Wukong yelled as he plucked some hairs off his body and threw them into the air. In a puff of smoke each fur had transformed into a clone and took one one of my copies.
“You’re not facing multiple foes, just one! But if you manage to beat my mindless golems, I will be forced to pull my trump card.”
“Wait, he has a trump card?” My Celestia asked, worried just as the Wukong clones destroyed the last copy.
“Impressive, this shall be my last technique before I face you with strength alone, are you ready? Both body and mind?”
“I might as well take the brunt of this attack for Thrin. After all we’re one in the same.” Wukong said with a cheeky smile. “Try it beardy.”
I breath a deep sigh, and close my eyes, focusing inward, and when they opened, they were black pits.
“I call upon the power of the Black-Heart, Blessed Piece of the corpse of Olthok, to bring about the gifts of the undead. ” my voice was cold, emotionless, as it needed to be.
“I call upon the greatest warriors to take form and fight alongside me, to face the challenge ahead with no fear. ” I look as my chest had opened, revealing the beating necrotic organ.
“Gift me the bodies of the dead to fight. ” I open my eyes again and smirk as I heard the groans of skeletal warriors behind me, formed from mist and-
Wait… why is Celestia and the others more scared than usual? And why are they crying, what’s-
And that’s when I saw it, the skeletal warriors I summoned… they weren’t ponies.
These were Dwarven skeletons.
“Rustbeards… no, no that can’t be possible…” I say with fear, clutching my now healed chest with one hand and my head with the other.
“I take it that these are the same kinds of Dwarfs that you had in your world?” Wukong said before tilting his head. “Looks like my times up. Thrin’s woken up again. See you later my fellow King.” A flash of light and Thrin was back to his normal form.
“I am NOT turning into any of the Forbidden Champions again for a while.” He groaned.
Though eventually he sees my panic attack at looking at the Dwarven skeletons.
“This, this can’t be right it’s impossible, I can only summon the dead of this world, how did Rustbeards form?” I feared as I turned around at the sound of more.
My heart almost stopped.
“There’s… there’s too… how, HOW IS THERE SO MANY OF YOU!? WHY ARE YOU ALL TRAPPED!?” I panic. “The Black-Heart can only resurrect those that refuse to leave, but this isn’t possible.” I was breaking down, tears in my eyes, this wasn’t a squad or even an army.
This was a clan, several hundred thousand strong, both men, women and children that refuse to pass on all heeding my call.
I pulled an entire clan from their graves.
They were here. My breathing quickened as my mind raced, all these, soldiers, innocent all dead and stuck to the mortal realm like flies to a web…
“Orgran.” Thrin said as he placed a hand on my shoulder. HIs hood was down and tears flowed from his eyes. “I might...I might know a Champion that can help. That can send them on their way, but the choice is yours. I will not force you but I think this should mark the end of our spar. We have more important things to do now.”
“You… you don’t understand, even if one clings, their families can guide them to the afterlife, the only ones that should be here are lone warriors, but no, there’s too many, too many killed too quickly to guide the lost.” I was truly gone, I pulled the Half-elf into a hug as I sobbed. “Why… why is there so many? What could kill so many of my kin like this? And why are they here?”
“I don’t know my friend but I think this one does.” Thrin said drawing my attention to a Dwarf wearing a Gold Studded eyepatch.
“Ilnarok… I know him, that means this was my… Orgran’s original clan.” I walk up to the undead. “Who… what did this.”
He whispered in a long dead language, but I knew it well enough. “No… he’s dead, I saw him die!” he spoke further, and my eyes widen, I blinked away the tears as I steadied my heart. “Thrin, help them pass on, they should not cling to this world with what they have seen.”
“I do not know if this will work but I will try.” He said getting to his feet and taking a few steps towards the Dwarves and in a somber voice he said. “Champion Transformation. Soraka.” A flash of light and in his place stood a very tall purple skinned woman with cloven hooves for feet, a golden-yellow dress, long white hair, a red cape, a large horn sprouted from the center of her forehead, and in her right hand is a large golden staff with a crescent moon at the top.
Holding the staff in the air Thrin said. “To you who have passed. To you who are trapped. Let me bless and guide you on your way to the after life. Let me help you find the peace you deserve. Let my song and dance bring you to rest.” And with that Thrin started to sing in a language no one could understand and a slow dance as he started to circle the entire Dwarven Clan. The process took some time but Thrin never stopped his song or dance until the last of the Dwarves had moved on and their skeletons returned to the earth.
Though Ilnarok, even when his spirit was freed, he clung for one more thing, he tapped Thrin’s shoulder to get his attention, then spoke, in english.
“Thank you…” his eyepatch glowed. “If you ever see that Warwick again, tell him I called him a bastard…” and with that he was gone and Thrin fell to his knees panting heavily.
“How...did he know Warwick?”
“He doesn’t, what made him a good leader was his left eye, with it he could see an entire person’s life story, the eyepatch allowed him to control it.”
“That must have been...useful.” Thrin said before changing back to his normal form as he collapsed unconscious.
I sighed and looked to our interdimensional guests as I sent Hell-Knight back to his pocket dimension. “I’m… sorry you had to see all that, it was… let’s be blunt here it was kinda bucked up, wasn’t it?”
“You’re telling me!” Discord said as he made Thrin a little more comfortable. “I’ve seen many kinds of Chaos, but that aura around those Dwarves...Frankly it wasn’t the kind Chaos that should be. It was nothing but Death, Pain and Misery.”
“That’s because that wasn’t chaos magic that clung to those bones, Discord, I now know what demon the Caribou work with and what killed those people… Discord, what you felt on them wasn’t Chaos, it was Entropy, more specifically that was Nether Magic.”
“Entropy based magic!” Discords eyes went wide. “That’s forbidden throughout the entire Multiverse!”
“These aren’t just users, they’re made of the stuff!” I shook as I remembered what my old leader told me.
“The Netherborn helped the Caribou kill my home!”
After the situation had calmed I opened a rift and helped everyone through, stopping at Thrin who was leaning on Discord for support.
“Guys I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you with all the heavy stuff, and I won’t force you to help me fight the Caribou or the Netherborn.”
“Don’t be foolish Orgran.” Thrin said looking me right in the eyes. “You’re my friend and I wouldn’t feel right leaving you to fight this alone. While I might not be able to help directly in fights due to my own problems with Bolard and Dhoulmagus but I can spread the word about this Demon to other Displaced I meet. Some might be able to send aid and I KNOW the other versions of me will do the same once I tell them.”
“Thanks… I’m gonna need all the help I can get as well, this isn’t just the Netherborn, Dainn wishes to revive the Netherlord, he was practically unstoppable before, we only won last time because Interse… sacrificed himself to save me… I-I don’t know how we’ll manage without support.”
“Arashi gave me a bag of Tokens that he said I might find useful before he left. I’ll try to contact some of them and tell them of the Netherlord. Before I was Displaced I heard of a school to teach new Displaced. I know some of the teachers were in the War of Shadows and a few might have been in the first Displaced war. The War of Understanding. Some of them might be able to help if we can find the right Tokens.” Thrin said before shaking his head sadly. “In the meantime I’ll try to wrap up at least one of my problems and continue training but I can’t ignore my duties as the first Arch-Mage since Starswirl.”
“The problem is I’m not sure mindless destruction is what he wants anymore after seeing the goals of the Caribou…” I caught onto something to perfectly lighten the mood. “Wait, so considering our relationship wouldn’t that make you my Arch-rival?”
“If Sans was here I’m sure he’d at least chuckle at that pun, but I think we have more of a friendly rivalship going on Orgran. I am glad I was able to help your people.” Thrin said giving a dry emotionless smile. “I wish you the best of luck my friend. May the Arcane guide your path and always enlighten you when you need it most.”
“You’d hate me right now if you knew my human name.”
“I doubt it.” Thrin said.
I smirk. “Before I was displaced my full name was Ark Kane.”
Thrin chuckled not having the energy to laugh. “So I guess what I said is even more fitting. Never lose sight of who you are now and who you were. That is how I chose to live anyway. Who knows. Something in our pasts on earth may give us hints for the future.”
I smile. “See you later, old friend.” I usher them through, and once they headed in I called back into the portal. “And Discord! What I said to this world’s version applies to you too! Touch my beard and you’re dead!”
Discord shrugged. “I wasn’t even going to do that in any case… well maybe touch it up if you asked but I know what kind of Chaos I don’t want to create. I’d be a bad balancer of the scales if I didn’t. I just wish more versions of me thought that way.”
“Then you’re smarter than this one, he threatened to turn my beard into licorice if his reformation didn’t work!”
“Moron.” Discord said as he helped Thrin through the portal. I closed it behind me…
And promptly collapsed.
Man… FUCK today!!
Author's Note
Thrin showed up again! this shit got heavy too!
lemme know what you think!
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 27: CRYSTAL EMPIRE! wait, no, we're building from last chapter... DIDN'T THINK THRIN'S VISIT WOULD ADD ANYTHING, DID YOU?! YOU THOUGHT WRONG!
Author's Note
Back to Mylinian shenanigans and lulz from our favourite Dwarven Bastard!
Chapter 27: CRYSTAL EMPIRE! wait, no, we're building from last chapter... DIDN'T THINK THRIN'S VISIT WOULD ADD ANYTHING, DID YOU?! YOU THOUGHT WRONG!
*Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.*
Come on… I can sense it…
*Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.*
There you are! I’m so close! I just need to-
“Hey dad!” Starlight said as she appeared behind me
*ziggy zoopie bop-pop doobily doo!*
“AGH!” I jump and grasp my chest. “Starlight! Be careful! You made my heart doobily doo!”
“I made your heart do what?”
“I… nevermind,” I shake my head. “Why are you here?”
“Oh! Celestia sent you a message.”
“Don’t tell me, the crystal empire has returned and they want me to help Twilight and the others to stop So-”
“Actually they’re just informing you that Twilight and the others left already and they want you to not worry while they’re gone.”
“... Starlight, retrieve the dragon lantern Twilight gave me.”
“Okay dad.” she said as she head off.
Now I bet some of you are groaning, ‘really? Going to meddle in destiny affairs again ? jeez Gary Stu grow a spine.’
Firstly, FUCK OFF!
Secondly, KISS MY ASS!
And thirdly, even if I didn’t have this future knowledge I’d still be wanting to help out my FRIENDS! The only difference is that future knowledge me doesn’t interfere where he is not needed, and with his awareness of Pony Society, does not make things worse.
As for things like Sonic Rainboom, even if I was friends with the Mane Six by then I couldn’t come, even with a cloudwalking spell I’m too heavy…
...it’s actually rather upsetting to know a spell considers you ‘too heavy’ to work since spells are inherently meant to say fuck you to physics.
So I’m not doing this to take away the spotlight, I’m doing this so my friends don’t have to deal with the horrible shadow-demon while Cadence slowly dies from having to keep a shield up.
While SHINING ARMOUR. THE CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD. HUSBAND TO PRINCESS OF LOVE MI AMORE CADENZA! IS FUCKING USELESS!
*crack*
Ah fuck I broke my pen.
Is it obvious how much I hate how much the male cast gets screwed over in this show? The only one that isn’t getting the short end of the stick is Discord, yet another reason why he’s my favourite character.
Aha! New pen! Now let’s finish this… aaaand done!
*fwoom!*
I watched as the wisp flew off.
{POV CHANGE: THIRD PERSON, CRYSTAL EMPIRE}
“Alright girls let’s-” Twilight was cut off when a scroll appeared in front of her.
“What is it sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
“It’s a letter.”
“From Celestia?” Rarity inquired.
“Not sure… ‘Dearest Twilight Sparkle. Sunny D-a is being an idiot again.’”
“It’s Orgran.” the group all chimed at the same time, prompting giggles to follow before Twilight continued.
“‘Fortunately it’s not about not giving you guard detail or deciding not to handle the situation themselves, they were correct in understanding that they couldn’t really figure out a solution to the problem, not like a certain unicorn can in any case,’” Twilight blushed a little. “*ahem* ‘the main problem is that they left behind the Dwarf that has intricate knowledge of both Dark and Equestrian Magics from studying the Caribou Crystals’...”
There was the sound of a Facehoof that echoed through the palace.
“WHY DID I NOT BRING THAT UP?!” the unicorn said, irate. “‘This letter is to smooth things along, I cannot explain everything in detail or else I’d be holding your hand, so instead I’m gonna give you vague clues, double check your crystal faire book, the artifact is real, take spike with you, check the boss chair, dark magic on chair, good magic on door, to save time remember the gravity spell, and finally the most important tip… never put the burden on yourself… your friend, Orgran.’” I smile. “‘P.S. send… nudes…’ OH THAT PIG!” she huffed.
To clarify, thanks to the Anthro-Bomb’s ‘transition effect’ ponies had gotten a new perspective on their bodies, so clothing did become a casual thing once everything settled, especially since they weren’t as resistant to the cold as before.
{POV CHANGE: ORGRAN}
“So what were you working on before?” Starlight asked, pointing to the totem I was originally focusing my magic on.
“Well, you remember the Rustbeards?”
“You mean those undead Dwarves?” she shuddered at the memory. “Yeah, why?”
“A long time ago before I ended up here I fought the Netherlord with a group of friends, when they died I had assumed the Nether Magic of the land made it so their souls could never return, but I was mistaken!”
“...eh?”
“We all were linked to a respawn totem, designed to bring us back from death unless our souls were lost to the afterlife, the Entropy of Nether Magic was believed to force those lost to the afterlife when in truth it actually made them cling to the real world even more!”
“...”
“*sigh* the Nether Magic didn’t make it impossible for them to respawn, it’s just blocking the anchor that lets a totem reach out and pull their souls back from death, so I’m using a recreation of our old group totem, since the old one was clearly destroyed, and trying to force the anchor through the wall.”
“I don’t get it, if that was possible, why not use the totem to bring back all those Dwarves?”
It was a good question, but it did have an answer. “I only have so much Arcanite on hand, this totem used the last of it, the more people you link, the more Arcanite you need to sustain it… besides, they all wanted to pass on, they were too broken to live their lives as before.”
“Oh…”
“But these 4, Interse, Selena, Onera and Hearth, my oldest friends were killed by the Netherlord, their last battle was so anticlimactic, so painful, I don’t want them to pass on after that, especially not after the bonds we made with each other… I… I have to try, for them, even if I fail…”
“I got it, dad… need any help?”
“...I’d like a hug…” I say, and in response she picks me up, the act of affection managing to soothe the stress of today, and once she finished I turned my attention back to the totem and went back to work, undead and earth magic hand in hand to pull them back from the brink.
Closer…
And closer…
Ever closer…
“AGH! Work already you stupid piece of-” I kick it.
And it began to glow.
“OH SHIT!” I tackle Starlight out of the room and close the door, crashing into Pine.
“Ow! What was that for!?” he barked out before the explosion erupted in the room we were just in. “...well I can safely say that would warrant such haste… I’ll go tell Hella you blew up your lab… again.” he huffed as he walked off.
“I… I fucked it up, I had one chance and I let my emotions get the better of me.”
“Dad…” Starlight said quietly, placing a hand on my shoulder as I rested my head against the door…
My eyes opened wide when I heard a series of groans.
“Ugh… what happened?”
“Hey! Get your tail off my face!”
“Get your face off my tail!”
“THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS!”
I burst into the room, seeing four figures piled onto each other in front of the still intact totem.
“Orgran! Get your fat ass over here and help us up!” the blonde haired warrior yelled.
I was crying, I could not hold back the laughter and joy of what I saw, I dropped to my knees and yelled in victory.
“I DID IT! ”
…
“Okay what’s up with him?”
“Shut up, Hearth.” the three groaned at the oblivious reptile.
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 28: CATCHING UP WITH MY FRIENDS! BEER PARTY! and bolstering our numbers with traitors.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. View Online
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 29: tools of the trade, and CHANGES!
I sigh and look to the range before me.
“Robot number 22, he failed the turret peer review.”
*BANG*
“Robot number 24, he died before he hit the floor.”
*BANG*
“Robot number 25, he never made it out alive.”
*BANG*
“And Robot number 29, died on the assembly line.”
*click* *click*
“Damn, only three shots.”
“Hey dad!” Starlight called out. “What’s that?”
I blink and look at my hand.
It was a cumbersome device, a mix of a very literal handcannon and a magic crystal apparatus to conjure the ammunition of the weapon, the trigger was bolted onto the gauntlet portion of the crude instrument, where you had to squeeze your whole fist to fire. A rounded plate on the outside allowed it to double as a buckler, which added to its function.
“Just a prototype for a range weapon for the Centurions, and my Knights, unfortunately the gems here can’t hold a charge worth a damn, if I want to get more out of them, I need to make them generate energy quicker, or make the weapon more efficient, but considering this is model 20, it’s looking to be the former.”
“Why not make the weapon’s barrel smaller?”
“I can’t lessen the blasts of the gem, so a smaller barrel would cause it to explode, besides I want the Arcane Busters to be as strong as they can without weight being an issue… sure this’ll recharge, but this is still only three shots at a time.”
“So how many shots do you want?”
“Six at least, that way its reserves build up for the next round before the first one is depleted.”
“...eh?”
“*sigh* the gem is two parts, to make it efficient the charge is stored at the front, this ‘round’ is ready to be used while the back of it charges a new one, once the first one is depleted a simple force of will pushes the new round to the front, but only when it’s a full charge, so right now there’s a delay.”
“Oh… so how quick is the reload?”
“Instant, so long as you keep focus, and I get the six shot charges, you’ll be able to shoot constantly without waiting.”
“...can I work on it?”
“Knock yourself out.” I say, tossing it to her.
*CLANG*
*thud*
“...pff-BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! YOU DAFT TWAT I DIDN’T MEAN IT LITERALLY !!”
“Bam-ba-laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!” I finish, earning a laugh from my current dinner guests.
“I must say Orgran, you continue to surprise me, I never expected you to know such strange songs.” Celestia mused.
“Verily, you must tell us where you keep getting such musical genius.” Luna inquires.
Internet. “I get them from an old plane of reality I used to scry into, like how everyone else gets it.”
“Yeah, but you never tell us what place you kept picking up with your talks about this legendary Leeroy Jenkins or the epic pranks involving the rolling Ricks.” Onera commented.
“Well elf-boy, you’re not going to know since we have no inter-reality scrying glasses anymore.”
“Please don’t call me that, you know I’m as unhappy about my heritage as you are.”
“Hm? What do you mean?” the Sun Princess asked.
“It’s… taken a lot to distance myself from what my people have made our race to be…”
“Elves, Onera excluded, are proud, and arrogant, believing themselves better than everything else, even the spirit king of the Elves, Elnir is… was sick of what they had done to the good name of Elvenkind.”
“Sounds horrible…”
“It is…”
*knock* *knock*
“Hm? Who could that be?” I get up and head to the door.
*open*
I look to see it was Queen Chrysalis.
“Oh hey-”
“Marry me.”
*record scratch*
“...wh-eh-I-huh-buh-fi-what-you…”
“Come, my betrothed! We shall birth a mighty kingdom…”
*creeeeeaaaak*
*thud*
“...betrothed…?”
I wake up from my little ‘nap’ to find a fuzzy sight before me and distant voices.
“...sentenced...dungeon...words?...” several blobs were cornering a single one.
Putting two and two together I jump in-between the crowd and the singled out entity. “STOP!”
The sudden shock stopped them long enough for me to focus my sight and sound to comprehend what was going on.
“But Orgran! Chrysalis killed you!” Twilight cried out.
“And didn’t I say I wanted us to no longer hate the changelings and forgive them?” I responded.
“But-”
“Twilight, Love is their food and they were starving!! And besides, there’s one thing everyone forgets!”
“Oh! Is it that point about the law of the wild?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yes, but also no, it’s the fact that we’ve severely alienated them for the wrong reasons!”
“...huh?” everyone says, confused.
“I… *facepalm* look! Changelings feed on love, right?” they nod. “So by that logic they take the form of a loved one since they can’t find love in their natural forms?” they nod again. “Did you ever consider what’d happen if someone actually bothered to love a changeling? Because it’s clear even familial love or even friendship is a sufficient food source.”
They all seemed to stop and consider it like it wasn’t something obvious, and it seems both me and Chrysalis had the same thoughts as we groaned at the expressions of epiphany that were painted across their faces, even Starlight and Carnus who have had SIMILAR LESSONS mind you!!
“In all fairness, it should’ve been obvious.” a voice called from the other room.
“Thank you! See guys? Pine the Dire Timberwolf saw it before any of you!! And he’s only just heard about them! You’ve known them for over a year! Regardless of his natural intelligence, even he shouldn’t have gotten to the conclusion faster than THREE ALICORNS !!” I chose to ignore the bark of pride Pine gave from the other room as I focused on the looks of shame the royals had at their shortsightedness.
“I… no… you’re right Orgran.” Celestia spoke for herself and her compatriots, moving and bowing to the queen. “We should not grant forgiveness, for there is nothing you need to be forgiven of, instead, I take the time to apologize on behalf of Equestria. We seek to spread love and friendship but decided to shun the one race that would have benefitted from such the most.
“We did not see you as ponies, with past experiences we believed you akin to vampires, but from Orgran’s words, which seemed to be wise more times than we expect.” I give a thumbs at that. “I can see… once again, that I have never taken time to really think about my actions… or the consequences.”
The pained look the royal sisters shared said a thousand words.
“But we can’t really do anything about it now.” Twilight began. “Because of the invasion I doubt anypony is going to love a changeling.”
“Well not for a while but thankfully I’m not a pony.” I retorted.
“True I guess-wait… WHAT?!”
“That’s right, I’m accepting Chrysalis’ proposal.”
“You are?” Chrysalis says, shocked at my statement.
“YOU ARE?!” the others say, equally shocked.
“Hold it!!” I hear Hella call out before pushing past the group up to me. “I didn’t agree to-”
“She’s a shapeshifter and her physiology based around that would make her a hermaphrodite and as such would be bisexual.” I say, pre-emptively countering all her arguments.
This resulted in her immediately pulling the Queen into a hug. “Welcome to the family~!”
“Um… thanks…?”
…
“So! Who’s up for a beer?”
Author's Note
please forgive if this seems a bit rushed... it's more like I've been doing this instead of sleeping.
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 30: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOLF!!
Author's Note
beware, this shit is big and heavy.
Warnings for this crossover:
Future Link belongs to DisplacedWriter .
You have been warned
Chapter 30: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOLF!!
I looked to the creature in the containment chamber with a look of disdain.
“So, this thing just warped in and attacked you?” Starburst asked.
“This ‘thing’ as you call it is not just any creature.” I look back to the monster with flayed purple flesh and blackened teeth. “This is a netherbeast, one of the hounds the netherborn had at their call.”
“... but what could that mean?”
“It means we’re running out of time, and with that the dimensional barriers of this reality become more and more unstable.” I say as a scroll appeared in front of me.
“A letter from Twilight?”
“Hmm…” I read it over quickly. “No, the mayor, a wolf with a very familiar description just appeared in Ponyville along with a strange rock appearing in the old castle of the two sisters.”
Dragon candles: FUCKING CONVENIENT!
“Want me to help?” she said excitedly, but I held a brought a hand up.
“No, I think this can be handled easily, PINE! GET YOUR SWORD!” I call as I head out, and I smile as I heard him howl for battle.
As we arrive in town, readily armed I began looking around for the creature in question.
The place was quiet… almost akin to a ghost town, with how empty it felt there were even doubts of the wolf still even being here.
“He is here, there is a clear scent.” Pine thankfully confirmed for me.
After a while however we did see him, along with a strange rift in the air near him, and moved to keep out of the wolf’s sight, observing it.
At first glance, it looked like a wolf, but its odd coloration was obvious that it wasn’t a normal wolf. The top part of its fur was crimson red that faded to a green swirl and lastly grey. On its forehead was symbol that nopony nor I could recognize. Other than the odd coloration, it was currently wearing a pair of blue earrings with its right ear damaged by a bite of some sort. The fur on its face had some lighter tones, suggesting it had been clawed in the past, especially with that lighter part of his chest.
Immediately I knew this was a displaced, and immediately I walked over, greeted myself and sat down with him for a nice relaxing cup of-
Okay, I can’t keep that up with a straight face, everyone and their mother knows I plan to fuck with him.
I rubbed my hands together and decide to put some illusion magic into play on Pine.
Hmm… you know what? Having him fight Sif might be too tame…
Carnus, come to me now, I need some help pulling this off.
{POV CHANGE: LINK, 3RD}
The hylian-turned-wolf was taking a wary glance around as he was mentally cursing himself on such a poor choice to appear, he was aiming for the everfree or atleast somewhere out of sight. Link had been experimenting with Twi-magic to see if he could create and access portals much like the Twili. He was able to manifest it’s magic before as a form of a howling stone as his token, thus this second form of Twili was a different experience for him to try. So far, the portal looked correct although red with green bits mixed in, but overall functional. What went wrong was that it appeared in the wrong location despite the thought he had focused on. Wolf Link snorted in minor annoyance. “I suppose multi-verse means not the same exact location.” he said mentally in his mind. Link had used an emerald pickaxe token as a waypoint to hone in on the universe it came from.
he was unable to ponder the situation further as the town became covered in a snowy mist, the sky covered in clouds and darkness, and the snow and mist concealed the buildings.
The eerie sight made the area look less like a village and more of a graveyard… no, something else had changed what Link was seeing.
He was in a Graveyard, with swords stabbed into the ground stood as unmarked graves while a large tombstone rested in the centre. This sudden shift in reality made Link’s body tense up, he quickly turns around in confusion, trying to figure out what had just happened. His wolf form’s mind’s fight or flight instincts kick as he walked through the area.
As he approached the centre, a large howl echoed throughout the field, before a giant grey wolf leapt out from behind the stone and turned to face the other Lupine being. The imposing beast wielded a massive greatsword in its jaws, and it’s growl and confident stance made it clear he was skilled in how to use it. The beast let out another howl as it prepared to attack Link, primed for battle.
“T-that’s a big wolf..” Link compliment in the form of a growl, his body tense even further as he lowered himself to the ground, clearly ready to accept the challenge head on. He answers in return with a howl of his own.
Having his challenge accepted, the wolf readied himself and pounced forward for a slash. Due to the massive size difference, Wolf Link had to take a high leap back to avoid being hit by the wide sword. He keeps his distance as he runs around, there is a soft gleam in Wolf Link’s eyes as he uses the Wide Angle ability.
<Great Grey Wolf Sif.
Companion to Artorias The Abyss-Walker.
HP: 3,432. Soul Power: 40,000
[can’t display weakness/resistance.] Not all is being seen, but the truth nose no bounds.>
Wolf Link snorted at the amount of health his adversary had, although the words make him ponder. Keeping his distance for now, he quickly ignites his fangs with fire. With a loud howl, a Din’s Fireball is launched at Sif.
The wolf dodged to the side, he was quite fast for a giant wolf.
As it flew off, a pillar of dirt launched to intercept the fireball before disappearing. Wolf Link quickly glances around to try and find where it went, he begins to smell the air in a attempt to pick up its scent, but something was off.. “No scent?” Link said with a loud growl.
Then he noticed… there was a scent, there’s a very strong scent of wood coming from Sif. With whatever he managed to grab with his senses, his sights flash again as the world around him took on a slight darker hue in order to spot a red mist showing where the target went off. With a bound leap to his step, he takes off following after it.
As he chased it, it was discovered to be some sort of red orb with an eye looking around inside it. Wolf Link raised a furred eyeridge at the sight before him, it reminded him of something he saw before in the past. “I hope you’re not another one of those void dwellers.” Link said mentally as he approached with caution.
He had the urge to smash the orb, which seemed to be trying to keep its distance from him and venting energy into the land, revealing what it was doing. With a strong leap, he tackled it to see if it would fall over.
With the force it hit the ground and broke apart, sending a wave of energy, bringing the town back as the illusion was dispelled.
And Sif was revealed to be not a giant grey wolf, but instead a Giant Timberwolf made of Pinewood. It seems the illusion was enough to even trick Wide Angle… almost.
“If you can understand me then you’d best start explaining.” Link said with a feral growl, he was tempted to threaten him with fangs ignited, but he decided against it. A flaming wolf would be hazardous to ponyville.
“...very well.” the wolf spoke it’s voice some form of audible telepathy. “I was brought here to test your skill and to see the efforts of my training, as for who I am, why don’t you use that scanning trick again?”
Wolf Link blinked again at how this timberwolf noticed that considering that his sights were the only hint of this skill. They gleam softly as he looks into the target’s stats again.
<Pine: The Dire Timberwolf.
Mount, Familiar and Companion to Orgran the Red.
HP: ??? MP: 2000.
Can regenerate from any damage, resistant to Earth, Ice and Air, Weak to Fire.
This one’s Bite is as bad as his Bark.>
“Then I’m…” Wolf Link started as he looked around. “Then I didn’t make a mistake, this is Orgran’s world, right?”
He nodded, then looked to his left. “Master, don’t bother anymore, he figured out the trick.”
“Aww!” Orgran said as he came out looking like the large golden hammer-wielding freak Link had encountered before dispelling the illusion.
This revealed a red bearded armored Dwarf carrying a large warhammer, battleaxe, gauntlets with large spikes mounted on the backs of them, and wearing a helmet/crown combo.
“So… what’s up?”
“What’s up? That’s quite a casual question considering I could've accidently set ponyville a flame with that trick of yours.” Link said, but all that came out was a series of growls, grunts, and barks to the Dwarf’s ears.
“To be fair he just wanted to fuck with you.” Pine explained.
“Right… so I’m guessing you’re somehow related to the Rock that showed up in the castle of the two sisters?”
Wolf Link’s ears perked up at the mention of a rock. He takes a seat on the ground before looking at Pine. “That would be my Howling stone, my token. Although why it's there instead of with Orgran? I wouldn’t know.”
“My guess is that you weren’t brought here like you normally would, either way it would be best to get to it, correct?”
“That would be best. You don’t need anypony finding it first and being curious about it.” Wolf Link suggested as his ears swiveled around.
“Then let’s go!” Orgran declared before picking Link up, hopping onto Pine’s back and riding off into the Everfree.
As the group arrived at the Howling Stone, Orgran hopped off of Pine and set Wolf Link down next to the anomalous monument. Wolf Link made his way over to give it a sniff, making sure it was legit instead of a fake copy.
“Whatever tone is being played, all you gotta do is hum its tone and I’ll be there the same way I appeared. Usually, I just leap into the summoner’s head to create a mindscape and test him or her accordingly. You’ll never know what sort of person you’ll come across.” Wolf Link explained to Pine so that he can translate to Orgran. Once translated Orgran responded.
“Well I am happy to find you’re being cautious of such.” he said, then began to hum the tone the stone was emitting.
“So… Who’s the Displaced here? I still need to apply the test before I can turn back to normal. Either that, or just a quick leap in and out.” Wolf Link explained as his ears heard his stone singing a different song than what Pine was hearing.
“That would be my master, the Dwarf.” Pine said.
“Ah, so my thoughts were right the first time.” Wolf Link in a slight embarrassed tone. “I wanted to make sure a Dwarf actually looked like a Dwarf. ” He said before turning his attention to the same Dwarf in question.
“... why are you looking at me like that?” he asked as he noticed. Without getting an answer, Wolf Link’s took on an intimidating spectral appearance, he leapt toward the Dwarfs forehead as Orgran was briefly blinded by light. It vanished as quickly as it came.
There that stood before him was a taller man wearing a red cloak and hood. He reaches up and pulls it down to reveal the same scars and ear damage as his wolf form from earlier. For all the Dwarf saw, Link looked like an elf, or a hylian in this case. There were some slight key differences though, mostly the facial hair of a blond mustache and goatee nicely trimmed.
However, considering Orgran’s human past, he was able to notice enough of the similarities.
“I knew that form was familiar, you turned into Link?”
“Well, three of them into one as far as I know. I lost the cap a long time ago though.” Link said before shrugging. On the hylian’s back behind the cloak was the hylian shield itself, although the Master Sword and its sheath was located on his left hip.
“So, hero of Twilight, hero of Time and…?”
“Masks and.. Whatever title the Link in A Link to the past was called.” Link finished for Pine.
“Actually in Majora’s mask it was still the Hero of Time and in Link to the Past it was the Legendary hero, so, how’d you get Displaced?”
The hylian took a gentle breath. “Tricked by curiosity. A treasure chest was left at my doorstep, I opened it, touched the Triforce, and here I am after seventeen years.” Link explained.
“Doo doo doo dooooo! You got: Displacement Artifact!” Orgran said, doing the iconic stance that the game Link would do when getting an item, until he sat down laughing.
It started off as a small snort before Link couldn’t hold back as he started laughing in amusement. “Pretty much the.. Ha ha, gist of things.”
“Yeah… sorry if you left anything important behind, but hey, it’s nice to see you can still laugh about it… beer?” he said, pulling out a glass and filling it with beer from his Ale mug. “Made it myself.”
“Don’t remind me.” Link said with a sigh as he ran a leather gloved hand through his hair. “I still miss my family despite giving up on trying to get home.” he said before looking at the offered glass. “No thanks.” he declined it.
“Eh, come on, it’s not like you can destroy your liver in the mindscape… eh forget it, would you like any kind of drink, anyway?”
“Except I stopped that mindscape before it had a moment link our minds and manifest it. As for anything to drink, not at the moment.” Link said as he looked toward the sky. Pine/Orgran’s attention was drawn when he noticed that the Howling Stone had shrunk to become a necklace. Link kneels down to pick it up and hand to Orgran. The Dwarf notices it looks exactly like the one Link’s wearing around his neck.
Orgran shrugged and downed the glass, then put on the necklace. “So… what about the whole ‘judging my character’ thing?”
“Already saw it at a glance. You’re quite a wild one.” Link commented.
“And… does that mean you know about the dangers I have looming over me and Equestria?”
“Pretty much, I only saw your current thoughts. Funny how danger follows me wherever I go.” Link said as he crossed his arms. “First, what’s Equestria’s thoughts on Displaced or humans in general?”
“Well the Princesses and Mane 6 have a positive opinion on them thanks to me… I would like to explain my situation with you, so you understand the risks here.”
“Good, this means I don’t have to put on the Unicorn Mask just to earn their trust.” Link said with a relieved sigh.
“Unless your Unicorn Mask made you one hot anthro stallion you won’t fit in that much, I don’t know why, but when everypony became anthro, everyone became super hot and I still have no clue as to why!”
“A-Anthro?” Link said with a stutter. He brings his hand to his forehead. “Please don’t tell me Spike is a female too..”
“No, he’s a guy… why do you ask?”
“I didn’t want to deal with another one..” Link said. There was a slight blush to his long hylian ears, hinting at something to the Dwarf. “As for my mask, I don’t think it’d change me that much.. But of course your world might change it anthro.” he said as he tapped his chin in thought. “I won’t know till I try.”
“It won’t, it’s not a universe’s law the incident came about through dark magic, which was created by the enemy I have to face, it’s more than likely that now that the energy dissipated, unless I threw one of the crystals at you when you used the mask that you’d stay feral.” he blinked, then put on a sincere smile. “... meh, actually there’d be no harm in trying.”
Reaching back into his pouch, he pulls out a mask that had some likeness to his hylian face, the difference was that the face was red with tiny bits of green. Ironically, it, too had the battlescars. When Link places the mask near his face, it suddenly molds into flesh and clings his face, causing blue energy to swirl and gather. With a brief flash, his form had shorten down to a small unicorn that was slightly taller than Twilight. Other than the obvious changes, he looked like a red and green stallion with a grey horn and a yellow mane. The red cloak shrunk with him while the pouches turned into saddle bags. “I have used this mask in a while since the last time I visited Appleloosa.” Link said with a slightly younger voice.
“Neat… oh hey, Link?” Orgran began as he pulled something from a pouch.
“Yea?” Link answered as he was refreshing his mind on the course of how magic telekinesis worked, some of the small rocks were being levitated by a golden glowing horn.
“Catch!” he yelled as he tossed a small glowing purple gem at the unicorn. Link the unicorn caught the gem in his magical grip, he looks at the gem in question before looking at Orgran in curiosity.
Before he could question the Dwarf the gem’s energy rushed through the magical link into Link’s body, corrupting the magic of the mask to suddenly turn Link into an anthro… but didn’t bother giving clothes. Other than the cloak that covered his upper-body, he looked almost like his human form, except now there was a darker shade of fur on his chest that told the dwarf another of Link’s past injuries; a nasty star shaped scar shown though if he were to look past that. Other than the changes, Link’s buttcheeks had the triforce held over a sword and shield.
Though Orgran was looking to the side while trying to hold back a laugh, since this situation left more than his chest exposed. Despite the obvious nakediness, Link didn’t appear to be much phased by the sudden change other than a skeptic look on his face.
“Not the first time I appeared naked.” Link said with a sigh as he reached into his slightly larger pouch to take out a red tunic similar to his green tunic, however after putting it on, the chest part wasn’t as bulky, like there was something missing that he wore as a hylian.
“Oh that’s not it… I just feel sorry for you...”
“Feeling sorry for me?” Link asked with a raised eyebrow. “Actually, I think it’d be worth it by experimenting with a new form if I ever end up in another form. So consider your small prank a gift.” he said with a grin.
“Oh not about that… this was phase one, but just in case.” he grabs a yellow gem and shocks Link with it. “Congratulations for your mask being stuck on for the next 24 hours.”
“I still think it’ll hold some benefits despite whatever you're planning.” Link said with a frown as he started pulling the rest of his stuff out such as his sword and shield.
“So, shall we return to town? I think everypony will be out and about by now.”
“Yea, any of your friends or anypony will be curious of what happened after our little show.” Link said, he was hoping they won’t make any connections between a wolf and a unicorn who both share slightly similar colorschemes.
“Eh, the mane six are in Canterlot, and Carnus will have calmed down the populace enough before legging it back home.”
“Let’s go then.” Link said as he straightens his leather gauntlets over his hands. “Quick question… Are they naked or clothed?”
“Clothed.”
The hylian let out a relief sigh, it would of been extremely awkward if they weren’t wearing clothes, it would also be troublesome for him to talk without blushing out a storm. He already had things he had to deal with back home, he didn’t want to deal with it here too.
Though, if he could’ve seen the Dwarf’s maniacal grin, he would’ve run.
As the two walked into town, Orgran acted like everything was normal, but Link could notice something that filled him with a sense of subconscious concern.
The only ponies out and about were mares… and some were sending glances and gentle smiles his way.
“At least everypony's alright despite the mass panic.” Link commented on as he glanced around with his blue eyes.
“Mhm, Ponyville always look so nice in the Spring …”
“I prefer winter though.” Link said to Pine.
“...I’m surprised you haven’t caught onto what he’s done… or how much danger you’re in.” Pine says deadpan, already caught on to the situation.
Link waved his leather gloved hand nonchalantly. “It can’t be any worse than what happened to me so far.”
“Do you realise what kind of season Spring is?”
It suddenly clicked in the hylians mind. “Oh no… this world doesn’t have mating season, does it?” Link said in a whisper.
Orgran then proceed to clear his throat as we ended up in the centre of town, with a crowd of needy looking mares surrounding us.
“...this stallion said to me the first one to get him gets to have him all night!” he pointed at the very unlucky Hylian before dropping into a pit that closed up behind him, with Pine getting the same escape method.
“What? NO! I didn’t s-” but it was too late as both wolf and dwarf vanished from sight. “Oh by Din’s fiery wrath.” Link said as he slapped the head of his head.
It didn’t seem the mares were going to listen as they began to close in, some of their hands drifting to… certain areas on their bodies, in anticipation.
“D-don’t listen to the Dwarf- I mean can you really trust the words of a drunkard?” Link said using the only hint of that Orgran was a drinker.
“Mhm, he’s never been sober.” one mare with a mint green coat mentioned. “He’s actually trained himself to be fully coherent while absolutely wasted.”
“Plus he’s never steered the Elements wrong.” another mare added. “Plus, we can smell how big you are~.”
“Wait-what?” Link said as she stared at the mare in disbelief at what she said.
Then his thoughts ran back a moment, right after Orgran had just changed him.
“Oh that’s not it… I just feel sorry for you…”
HE FUCKING KNEW! A voice screamed in the Stallion’s mind. If Orgran could see him now, the hylian-turned unicorn had the biggest frown mixed with a slight angry scowl to his expression.
Then there was an opening in the crowd, he could get out of the ring and escape with his stallionhood undestroyed. “Noping outta here.” Link said as he took his chance. With one fluid motion and his cloak whipping at the sudden turn, he was speeding away with a pair of leather boots that had golden wings at their side; his hybrid pegasus hover boots that allowed him to run faster than before.
“AFTER HIM!!!” the group cried as they charge after the Hylian turned Pony.
“Nope, nope, nope, nope.” Link kept chanting it like a mantra, he doesn’t need a second wheel in his life to take care of.
Unfortunately those hot, slim and nicely toned bodies were not for show, as they proceed to run right after their prey, some even managing to parkour.
Unicorns began flinging spells at him, which he was able to scan with Wide Angle, strangely enough.”That’s.. A new one..” Link mentally commented as he returned his focus to where he was going. “Thank Hylia they’re not Displaced mares, otherwise they’d probably catch up with me.”
And now the mares were becoming more depraved, attempting to trip up Link by tossing whatever they had on hand at him… including their own clothes.
“Trust me, mares, you do NOT want this!” Link exclaimed as he desperately started going through his pouch, the stress allowing him to search a little faster than usual. He pulls out a Deku Nut and tosses it behind him. While it succeeded in tripping up a unicorn, the one behind her was an Earth pony that crushed it underhoof like it was nothing.
Link would regret looking back as he now saw the horde of horny, NAKED mares moaning in need as they chased after him.
The poor hylian’s cheeks and ears blushed furiously at that mistake. “Ok! Let’s go with plan B!” Link said as he took a detour into an alley-way, then with a strong crouch and channeling his red cloaks enchantments, he leaps high up and onto the nearest roof.
All was quiet as he landed, it looked like his strategy completely bamboozled them. Link let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he slowly raises up and begins dusting himself off.
...only to turn around and get tackled by a pair of Pegasi. Who began to trail kisses affectionately along his jaw.
“Huh-wha-no,no,no-no!” Link said as he tried to get away without harming them.
“Hey! He’s up on the roof!” one of the unicorns called out as they heard his panic.
“Son of a flying pot!” Link said as he quickly put his hands into his pouches again to pull out and put a pair of golden gauntlets with a red gem. Feeling the extra in strength in his body, he gets up with the pegasi possibly hanging from him. He carefully pries them off of him before taking off again, using a combination of the Pegasus Hover Boots and his enchanted cloak to leap from building to building.
But suddenly, at one of the buildings he almost misses, not feeling the power of his cloak anymore.
Must’ve been stripped off when I pulled those pegasi off. Think, Link, think! Link said mentally to himself as he started going through a mental list of his items that could help him out of this predicament. “I don’t have time to play a quick song.. I don’t want to cast any magic at them as that’ll paint me in a bad light… Orgran said I couldn’t remove my mask but…” Link took off again but instead of leaping to another building, he leapt down to ground level and used the hover enchantment of his boots to land safely. “Could I put a mask over the mask?” Link asked himself as he took off running.
Then he saw the massive swarm of mares emerge to chase him again.
The first thoughts of suggestion would be to change forms, but with the crystal’s effect still on him, it would probably make it even worse.
Not to mention who knows what the corruptive spell on the pony mask would do to the others. The only things that could help him is Farore’s Wind, song of time, or run even faster with the bunnyhood. “But would that be willing to chase me out of ponyville j-just for their lust?” Link asked himself with a shudder at the thought of having to run for twenty four hours, it would be rough on the poor hylian. An idea sparked into his head as he reached into his pouch to pull out a dull looking Stone Mask, he places it onto his head, praying to the three that its enchantments would make the mares lose interest.
The corruption, as seemingly expected, tried to spread into the mask, however could not find any transformative effects to latch on to.
Part of Link was glad he didn’t try this with another mask in his panic.
The mares all stopped, right next to him, unable to notice he was there and all letting out various noises of disappointment, they continued to look around.
Right next to Link.
With their nude breasts almost touching his face. The hylian kept mentally praying to the three while trying his holy damndest to not move otherwise they may get curious of why a boring rock was rolling in their sights.
Eventually the crowd ended up disbanding, though some were crying.
Link held his breath the best he could and once he was standing alone and nopony was watching, he allowed himself to breath slowly as to not make a noise. With gentle steps, he started to slowly tip-toe away quietly, hoping to get to somewhere safe until he can find the Dwarf… and beat the living Farore out of him for pulling this prank on him.
Eventually he managed to find where Orgran lived, it was some sort of laboratory castle hidden within a hill on the outskirts of town.
“ORGRAN!” Link yelled with his stone mask still on.
Silence.
Link began whispering and cussing in the hylian language as he approached the castle. He gives the door a furious knock.
What he didn’t expect was the heavily armoured loli girl to answer the door. “Hello?”
Link was about to remove his mask but hesitated considering who was at the door.
“Ugh, stupid ding-dong dickheads messing with me, what does a Dwarf have to do to not get pranked by the most basic bullshit.”
Realizing that it wasn’t a mare this time, Link reaches up and removes the mask. “Is there a certain red headed male dwarf here?” he asked.
“What do you want with my husband?”
“He played a rather cruel prank on me and I was forced to run from a huge crowd of mares.” Link explained with a frown.
“Wow… if you ran from the mares in ponyville, I’d say you need to get laid but then again I don’t know any stallions nearby who’d be interested.”
“I-wha? NO!” Link said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m a Displaced and I’m not from around here.”
“But come on, they’re hot ! And it’s pretty clear you’re blueballen right now.”
“Look… I already have a certain someone back home and I’d rather not later down the line have a descendant in this world.” Link said as he was trying hard not to allow his anger to get the best of him.
“...uh, seriously? Oh right, Orgran doesn’t know either… Mares in heat always put on contraceptive charms first before going out to hunt for stallions.”
“Even so, I highly doubt I’d be alive let alone have functionality down there… I mean for Hylia’s sake, the population of ponyville? I think not. I may be a hero but a sex god I’m definitely not.” Link said as he took a deep breath to calm not only himself, but the raging snake down below.
“Well, there’s only one mare here.”
Link suddenly spun around in an attempt to find said mare, prepared to run if the loli warrior was telling the truth. Only to be grabbed by the horn and dragged in, slamming the door closed.
“STARLIGHT! I GOT YOU A DATE!”
“Oh come on!” Link exclaimed in annoyance, he was starting to get tired of this treatment.
“Hey, you need this, and she needs this, you only need to go one round and she’ll be good, no responsibility, no pregnancy, just relief, then we can get Orgran and he can tell you all about the massive risk that potentially dooms the multiverse.”
“The multiverse doomed? Oh don’t tell me it's another void dweller who thinks too highly of themselves…” Link said with disdain in his voice.
“Actually it’s a race of demons growing in power from the worship of a race of creatures they corrupted with their essence and magic on a quest to, originally to destroy all life but now, enslave all races for more worship and to indulge in carnal desires.” she explained as she tossed link into a magic-proof room with Starlight Glimmer. Then slammed the door to it closed and locked it.
Link the unicorn at first twisted the door, only to hear it rattle in resistance. Link turned around and pushed his back against the door, he was afraid of what sort of game or kinks this mare may have.
“So… you’re the date my mom mentioned?” she asked.
“More like enslaved.” Link commented sarcastically followed by a sigh. He already tried to cast a Farore Wind spell, only for the green orb of magic to putter out from his horn. “...Magic proof room…”
“Then… c-could you… please help and… rut my brains out?”
“You want me to do what to your brains?” Link asked innocently as he wasn’t familiar with the word ‘rut’.
“I… I mean could you… take charge and…” she didn’t say anything else instead opting to strip down, then present herself to get the message across.
It was made clear that Starlight’s fetish was to be submissive. The hylian, once again for the third or fourth time today, placed his hand onto his face. He let out a defeated sigh, knowing clearly that he can’t escape this time and has no choice but to do what he didn’t want to do or else the mare may become a bit more if she goes without relief. At least this one had a little more control instead the mares out there.
“...Alright… Alright…” Link said as Nayru’s love reared its ugly head. Right now, the size of it finally got to him and the pressure was becoming too much. Slowly, he begins to remove his tunic and places them into saddle bags. “Just don’t expect me to be experienced. This body isn’t exactly my original form.” Link admitted.
{several hours later}
The door opened, allowing Link and Starlight to leave the room, the mare looking very satisfied and Link… while he was happy that the Dodongo was defeated, his expression had some conflictions, like being happy, depressed, unsure, and questioning himself that if he’ll be the same, especially if his thoughts of the Heart Container love making will end up growing. He already went through this before and he’ll hate it if his feelings drove him crazy.
“Thanks… Link, was it? I really needed that, to relieve myself.”
“Please, call me Protective Shield while I’m in this form. Just..” Link stopped in mid-sentence as he raised his hand as if to say something, but he stopped only to sigh. “You’re welcome..” Link said as he rubbed the head of his head nervously.
“Relax, this wasn’t too big, just a quick romp to save us from blue-balls, no need to make it any bigger, right?”
“Yea…. Yea.” Link said as he looked up at Starlight, he leaned forward but stopped himself. “Everything's good, right?”
“Mhm, and while yeah, it might’ve been nice, you’re from another world, long distance relationships don’t exactly work.”
“I know, I know. It’s just of the many worlds I go to, there’s always someone giving me the look, or something going wrong.” Link said as he rubbed his horn. “I go to those worlds to help those who summon me, but it's often unavoidable if a mare has interest- I mean I’m not implying you do.. Just…” He sighs. “Multiverse travel, many realities, many good people and ponies. I’m not one to this sort of thing but it can troublesome when some of those worlds have the whole mating season thing and I just often end up coming in at the wrong time.”
“Right… w-well… it’s no big deal, we can just be friends… r-right?”
The hylian was silent for a few moments, he took a gentle breath and gave it some thought. “...Before I say this, there’s just one thing I’m concerned about. Once twenty four hours has past, I’ll be able to remove this enchanted mask that allows me to be the unicorn you see before you. I will look different upon removing it. The main question is if your opinion of me may change. I’m actually a hylian in my original form, it's like a human but with longer pointed ears.” Link explained.
“And a human is like a Dwarf but taller?”
“Yea, and alot more magical with spells. I mean I can use them but ya know.” Link said as he waved a hand around the room and the nullification it had at the moment.
“We’re out of the room now… also...” she pulled Link close and kissed him. “I fell in love with Link, not Protective Shield.”
“R-really? N-not because of the instincts a-and all of that..” Link stuttered, his cheeks and his ears blushing red.
“Link, Estrus instincts only flare up if you haven’t fucked somepony yet.”
“O-oh.. Then…” Link softly chuckled as he smiled. “Then this can work despite species difference but.…” he looked at Starlight. “You wouldn’t mind being in a different world? I mean the one I came from, everypony's more on the.. Well, feral side, four-legged I mean.”
“Well…”
“I’m sure Orgran can make something to make a more permanent gateway.” the female Dwarf from before says as she walks over to them. “But I expect grandkids.”
“M-MOM!!” the unicorn mare blushed in surprise and embarrassment.
“Well, it’s kind of her choice, she does that… what was it again? The spell.” Link asked as he gave Starlight a kiss on her forehead to the side of the horn.
“Yeah…” Starlight muttered with a smile.
“I overheard! The gate’s done!” Orgran yelled from the other room.
Link chose to make no comment as he was starting to chalk the Dwarf’s antics be that of a certain pinkin party pony; just don’t question it.
He then walked in. “so… we got to talk.”
We return to Orgran and Link in another room, Orgran with his Ale mug taking a sip. “So… you up for a drink, now?”
“..Something light, I think I’ll need a buzz right about now after this twist of fate.” Link said as he rubbed his horn. He wasn’t ungrateful for it, it was more on the subject of this threat that's coming to Orgran’s world than the little Mini-game session he had with Starlight...
“Relax future son-in-law, you’ll be fine.” he says as he pours Link out a glass of some light Apple Cider.
Link snorted at that comment. “Son-in-law, a hylian who is a son-in-law to a Dwarf.” he said jokingly.
“More accurately a Dwarven king since I am the last of my kind, and yes there used to be more of my kind in this world.”
“Aren’t we all when we get Displaced? I mean I’m the first and last hylian in my Equestria.” Link said as he took a swig of the apple cider.
“No, I mean look to the north, across the sea you will find Mylinia, Orgran’s land of origin, a beautiful realm full of magic and various races living in harmony… at least… it was , now they’re all gone, every last being that found their home on that land is dead, Mylinia is now nothing more than one massive graveyard for my people and the hundred other races.”
“Oh then… Flying Pot. Sorry, I didn’t know.” Link said with a frown.
“You want to know what happened to them?”
“Does it have anything to do with that threat you were talking about?” Link asked as he took a slow slurp of his drink. The Dwarf proceeded to nod and take a sip from his own mug.
“Yes, the Netherborn, a vile race composed of a solidified organic form of Nether Magic… Entropy Based Magic.”
Link stroked his goatee in thought, in a literal sense since he’s a unicorn. “Has any books survived? Anything we could learn from this magic?”
“You shouldn’t considering it’s a magic banned in the entire multiverse… a long time ago 5 heroes united the five great races in Mylinia in a war against this cursed army, one Elf, one Undead, one Dragonkin, one Human, and one Dwarf… of course the Dwarf was me, we charged against the enemy and beat them back until me and my friends reached the leader known solely as the Netherlord… I’ll let you guess what happened next.”
“Hylia damnit..” Link said with a soft sigh. “And were they Displaced or the original races?”
“Original… I did lose everyone, but we did win… but then Orgran disappeared for unknown reasons… must’ve been when I became displaced as him, either way even with the Netherborn defeated their energy corrupted the land, making it attack and kill its own inhabitants out of sheer spite… and then a new race landed on the shores of Mylinia… The Caribou.”
“Was Mylinia the only place this.. Caribou hit?” Link asked he took on a thoughtful pose, hands together and propping his head up from the table.
“Yes… and no, this was after a Civil War between the Dainn Dynasty and the Doe Devoted, one wished for a male dominant patriarchy to battle against the increase in matriarchs and princesses while the other wished to keep their tradition of the high priestess leading the people, when Dainn was beaten back they fled, leaving the Devoted with any Bucks who remained loyal to the Priestess and the Dynasty with whatever Doe they could capture for repopulation when they fled since no female had sided with them… Dainn wasn’t a bad king, if he had won I’m sure his rule would’ve been just and fair as any ruler before him… but then he met the Netherlord… turns out even after we killed him his soul stuck around.”
“Jeez, like a stubborn Ganondorf resurrecting every generation.” Link said as he shook his head. “What happened to the Caribou? Are they still around?”
“That’s the problem, the Netherborn were beings of Entropy, so they gained power from the lack of life in an area, it’s what motivated their genocide to begin with, but with these Caribou, who were lost and looked to anything for guidance, who met these powerful beings and praised them as gods… they found a new power, Worship.”
“Dangerous combination. From what you’ve told me and if they’re not stopped, everyone else will end up like in the past. Especially my world, I’d hate it if they discovered a few things…” Link said as he shuddered at a past memory.
“Exactly, with this worship the Netherlord turned Dainn into his avatar and corrupted the Caribou race, gifting them with the crystals you see I have now, and so they took over the Caribou lands and made a dark kingdom in my homeland, now the caribou race is as corrupt as every Fall of Equestria Universe version… though some can see the light, like Carnus, my black knight, or the Nijato Three who have willingly become Zecora’s male harem.”
Link lowered his head and mumbled to himself ‘A hero’s work is never done’, he looks up back at the Dwarf. “How adaptable are they? I’d like to make sure my Master Sword can still be their bane or hopefully my Light Arrows can still affect them..” Link asked.
“We don’t have a full detail, but what I know is that they have salvaged Dwarven War Machines, have mutant warbeasts, and have begun to use their female slaves for meat shields, and as we speak Dainn is moving to revive the Netherlord.”
“By Din’s fiery wrath, they’re far worse than what I’ve faced in the past…” Link said with a groan before he grabbed his glass and swigged the rest in one go.
“And it gets worse, it’s safe to say the Netherborn have grown to indulge like their followers… and they won’t stop in this universe… and they’ll rape and enslave every female they find…” at that he glances over to his wife and daughter who were in the next room.
“...They’ll never be satisfied then, the multiverse is vast and endless. Almost like letting a goron into an all you can eat rock buffet.” Link said half serious and half jokingly.
“And they don’t discriminate from what Carnus has told me, not even age!... I… it scares me... I do have a plan, but to do that, I need an army… and heroes.”
“Well, you’ve kind of have a one-man army right here. But I know it won’t be enough depending on how long this has been going on.. Tell me, how many Displaced have you met?” Link asked.
“Two, but one’s long dead from what I can tell from his Token, but the other is working to spread the word to others, his name is Thrin.”
“It’s a start.” Link said as he started to think about it. “I’ve met a fair amount of Displaced, a lot of them busy dealing with their own villains at the moment.” he said as he thought some more. “There is Betty, Azure, Wyatt, Nick, Rez, Palutena, Rin, Sans the Batter, Akuma, Iron Ash, DarkSpider, and the last two are a powerful sith lord and his sister Katy, an Undyne Displaced.”
“I know about them, I read their stories on Fimfiction.”
Link gave the Dwarf a questioning look.
“Oh yeah, different Earths… are you aware of the Equestria having the cartoon analogue ‘My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic?”
“I have no knowledge of it other than its a cartoon that’s actually.. Well.” Link said before chuckling. “We know how this went when its actually real, it becomes a surreal experience the first few days. I was in such a distressful state at the start of this Displaced life.”
“Well there’s a site called Fimfiction for MLP fanfiction… one of the more common genres is ‘Displaced fics’ I used to binge read them in my life that when I encountered the Merchant himself I willingly let myself become displaced.”
“I know of the Merchant, but it does make sense of why everything is.. Well, this. The Merchant basically liked the idea and decided to make it real.. Although that doesn’t explain why I got picked when I didn’t want too but..” Link waved his hand. “It's the past and I’ve learned a lot and while it’s been rough, there’s been a lot of good things that happened in my life.”
“Well… now that I have your help… I want to ask something of you.”
“Well of course. What you explained is some pretty messed up stuff, I wouldn’t be able to ignore your plea of help while it weighs heavily on my mind. There is a reason the Master Sword chose me when I proved myself seven years ago. So what is it that you ask of me?” Link asked.
“The gateway isn’t really complete yet, it’ll be done after the war is over, so when you leave today, take Starlight with you to your world and make sure she stays with you.”
“That I can do. It’s… well, somewhat safe in my world as long as I protect her, the royal twins can also help out when I need them.” Link said with a smile.
“Link, I’m serious, she’s going to hate me for this but there have been more attacks on me in my own home… I’m worried that the next day she’ll be gone and the next time I see her she’ll be in a red collar and…” he grabbed his head as the anxiety of a possible future began to weigh on him.
“Orgran, I swear on the triforce of courage I’ll keep her safe. I won’t let anything happen to her, I’ll even go the extra extent of using the Fierce Deity Mask when I need to. I’ll.. I’ll go God Of War on their asses.” Link said before blinking. “Oh… right, a lot of my cussing is in hylian or zelda enemy names yet the word asses passes my lips without changing.” he said before shaking his head at the strangeness. But the Dwarf didn’t care as he pulled the Hylian into a hug.
“Thank you… thank you…”
“Well it’s time.” Orgran said to Link as they were outside, with Starlight, Pine, Carnus, Hella (Orgran’s Wife) and Chrysalis (Apparently Orgran’s other wife) having already said their goodbyes to him in his true form, Starlight unaware of her father’s request.
“By the way, Orgran.” Link said as he tapped the Howling Stone that was around the Dwarf’s neck. “Be careful with it, it can change your form if you accidentally activate its magic into that of a wolf.” he warned.
He shrugged. “Meh, I can turn into Alucard from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged because of the heart of an undead god… not a big deal.”
“...Except you’ll be stuck in that form till you figure out how to turn back.. Also, seriously?” Link asked about the vampire part.
“Yep… so how do I turn back, or did you not learn how to turn back?”
“I can’t answer that as you’ll need to figure your own method. Last time I tried to teach someone to use it, it didn’t work for him even though it activates with a thought or a feeling of desire of wanting to be in the form. I suppose void energy compatibility?” Link said with a shrug of his arms.
“Alright… well, see you later… Link, our contract is complete.”
With those words spoke, a blue crystal started to surround him as he rose up into the air. However, instead of spinning around and vanishing like it usually does, he along with the crystal started breaking into black particles and being sucked up into a green and red portal in the sky. Despite Link being gone, the Twili portal stayed for some reason..
That reason was revealed when Starlight began to become similar particles. “Dad?! What’s happening?!”
“I… I’m sorry, you’ll be safe with Link.”
The realization gave her a look of horror. “DAD! NO-” but it was too late as she was sent away and the portal closed behind her, everyone was frozen in shock, though the Dwarf simply walked away with tears in his eyes.
“...I’m sorry…”
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Prologue: HOLD YOUR MUGS! I'M GETTING TO IT!
Author's Note
hey guys! first story! let me know what you think.
Prologue: HOLD YOUR MUGS! I'M GETTING TO IT!
You know how these stories go, right? Average guy buys a thing at a con then unwittingly seals his fate to be tied with an Equestria and to become the character he was dressed as against his own will. It’s the classic song and dance except for two things.
I’m not your average guy...
And I wanted this.
Let me explain, my name is… was, Ark Kane, now, I am Orgran the Red. I am a human turned Dwarf, well… my version of a Dwarf. Now hold your hate, I didn’t change anything major! You see, my version of a Dwarf sticks with what made them great in things like the Lord Of The Rings and the Overlord series, meaning they’re a proud and gruff race that like to live underground, finding joy in precious metals and gems, and beer. Now in these cases Dwarves have also been known to be industrious, learning steampunk technology before anyone else, most likely because they have so much raw material to afford being inventive. Anyways, the major change I have made to them is that, with practice, they can perform earth magic because of how attuned they are to the land, and the second is immortality, a perfect excuse for how Dwarves can still keep a grudge with the Elves when simply generation after generation a normal aging species would eventually forget hating them in the first place. If these little tweaks to them are not problematic, I will continue.
One day, I thought I’d be really unique for an upcoming comic-con, dressing up as Orgran, the character I had made, since I was kind of one of those people who just liked to make characters and lore about them. I had everything that would make Orgran himself, a small axe, a much bigger battle-axe, a warhammer that doubles as his smithing hammer, and his pickaxe gauntlets, there was one unfortunate thing missing though.
His Trusty Ale Mug.
Now let me run down Orgran’s character. In order to prove himself good at something, he made himself good at EVERYTHING! Every profession from blacksmith and warrior, to master chef and brewmaster he had acquired all on his own, he had a wooden mug with iron bracings and lid, it was sentimental to him as it was in this mug that held his very first self-brewed beer. Of course it was also the main reason he was never normally seen sober, but in fact he made himself better at that too, he is the first Dwarf to not only be immune to the cruel side-effects of alcohol through vigorous training, but a side-effect of said training now made it so he could still be coherent even while absolutely shit-faced.
And I didn’t have any way to make it.
I don't really have anything on hand to make a usable mug and I had absolutely no substitutes, and while I was distraught, I still was a dwarf, so I could still have some fun with it. So I went anyway, did some in-character mingling, I even managed to win a costume contest! But really I had this itch about it and well, everything! I felt like I was incomplete and I knew it, so my heart jumped for joy when I saw the mug I needed on a nearby stand.
But then it fell.
Because behind the stand was that.
Mother.
I sat away from him and hid, not wanting to draw his ire while I had an internal conflict.Should I? I thought to myself, it is a new opportunity… then again he’s the Merchant, the same Merchant that screws every other Displaced over… you know what? Fuck it! I’ll play his game! And I’ll play it the Orgran way!
With new resolve I walked over to the stand, giving him the cheery smile of a bearded stout bastard. “Hey there lad!” I call to him. “I see you found me ale mug, how much ta take it off ye hands?”
My actual first taste of ale is what sends me to the land of magical ponies.
If that’s not some way to make people think you’re crazy I don’t know what is.
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 4: MOUNTAINS AND TOKENS! TIME FOR A BEER! *chug*
Chapter 4: MOUNTAINS AND TOKENS! TIME FOR A BEER! *chug*
On that very day I had made sure Starburst was awake and ready to go by 6 o’clock, guiding her to a nearby mountain that could easily be seen by Canterlot, and was also rich in ore. “We’re here, you got that scroll I wrote?” I say to my partner in crime. she murmurs, then makes a holographic middle finger.. a gesture she must've learned from another handed species… which narrowed it down to three possible races in this land, so I ask. “Dragon, Gryphon or Minotaur?”one. strike. ” I find myself hit in the face by a set of dog tags, which I proceed to pick up.
N7 Commander Raven Shepard, Spectre Status.
“I'm Commander Raven Shepard, saviour of the council, and the human race. Call upon me if you require my assistance, or just wanna chat. Seriously, it gets boring out here.” the message stops.
Huh… freaky… “now as I was saying, one strike, and this mountain will be completely gone!”
Meanwhile, atop the mountainous palace of Canterlot, Celestia was in day court when she received my letter, through the window. “Hm? What’s this?” she picks up the capsule and opens it.
Dear Matriarch of the Solar Rear…
Look out of the window this message came from and glance at the nearby mountain.
Yours sincerely, Orgran the Red.
“Orgran the Red?” curious, she gets up and looks out of the broken window to the mountain. “I do not understand what this Orgran would want me to see from-”
Chink!
Pop!
Only two sounds were heard, but the sight behind it caused her to look on in shock at something completely impossible, something I am proud to say had indeed made her need the little filly’s room.
The mountain. Literally. Popped out of existence.
Immediately she ran off for bathroom duties, then went to message Twilight Sparkle.
...okay I'm exaggerating the nearly pissing herself thing but it was indeed frightening for her.
Back with us, I looked smugly at my unicorn friend. “Impressive beyond imagination..” I find she's also examining the dog tags.. “.. aww, it's all gibberish!”
Meanwhile, at the Canterlot palace… “SISTER! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS INTRUSION IN THE SKY!?” Luna bellows, but Celestia is too out of it to really focus on the matter, she was actually rocking back and forth from the sheer shock of it all.
Back to me, all I could say as I sensed the summon was “oh, shit… Starburst I blame you for this.”
...nah.
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I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Chapter 25: DRUNKEN LAAAAWWW!!! (cept not really, also, implied clop at the end.)
Well, I think that went rather well. I thought as I walked down the halls of Canterlot palace.
It had been an hour since the bomb detonated, and the reaction was what you’d expect.
Mare’s screaming and covering up their naughty bits while Stallions suffered from sudden erections and anime-esque nosebleeds.
Apparently it was worse in Canterlot with how all the mares, both noble and common maids, grew out and their tops burst open as their breasts moved up and grew in on their chests.
And I mourned many of the guards who were nearby to witness such an event as Equestria’s military had the most sacred yet cruelest form of protection.
The double-edged sword that is the crotch-plate.
The doors opened for me as the guards and I walked into the main throne room-turned court.
And as I set foot inside, I was promptly knocked down and clamped into one of the stockades, enchanted to be unbreakable and was magic absorbing.
Can’t break it, can’t manipulate the wood to escape.
Clever girl. I mentally praised, just as I heard some familiar grunts and the stockades next to me clamped shut.
Discovering it to be none other that Starburst who was imprisoned next to me.
“Hey… come here often?” I wise-cracked, rewarded with a crack to the head from the butt of a wise guy’s spear.
“We found her in the Everfree, your majesty, using this in an attempt to escape capture.” the guard pulled out what was essentially ODM gear using magic instead of gas.
“You're making a mistake…” Star said.
“You don’t have a say in the matter, criminal.”
“How am I a bad pony here? I was minding my own business when this.. whatever it is, detonated.”
“Don’t play dumb, we know of your agreement with the perpetrator.”
“Just because we have a contract doesn't mean we do everything together. You captured me while I was testing my Omnidirectional Mobility Suit prototype… how you caught me is actually quite a testament to the guard.”
“... your hook missed a branch and you slammed into one of the trees, didn’t you?” I asked, clearly not believing that bullshit.
“Close… I.. well, I ended up spearing a guard that got in the way of one of the trees.. it only punctured the armor, thankfully, and not his body.”
“Well their skulls shouldn’t be the only thick things on hand-”
“Enough!” I flinched at Celestia’s raised voice. “Orgran the Red, Starburst Cog, you are accused of one joint charge of disrupting the natural order of all of Equus, Starburst is charged with one account of assault, and Orgran charged with ten accounts of assault, one count of resisting arrest and 3 charges of destruction of property alongside piloting an unregistered vehicle referred to as a… quoted from official documentation, a ‘Hell-Knight’. How do you plead?”
“Not guilty, your grace.” I said. “For one I had registered the Hell-Knight on the same day as its construction, Mayor Mare just has terrible organisation skills when it comes to paperwork.”
“Not guilty, your highness. I had no association with the device that disrupted the natural order and the puncturing of guard armor was involuntary, a mistake.”
“You say that!” a unicorn with a black mane wearing a red suit that matches the shade of his coat walks in. “but the prosecution has proof of your involvement in the production of this explosive!”
“I’m sorry, who are you?” I ask.
“Inches Cornerworth.” I hold back a mix of a laugh and a groan at some joke made by the universe. “But the fact of the matter is the ‘Anthro Bomb’ would not have been able to be created without Starburst’s expertise.”
“... You doubt the engineering expertise of a dwarf? Are you trying to declare to the court that you're stupid? ” Starburst beat me to the punch.
“Oh to the contrary, we are aware of Orgran’s skillset, but many of the parts within the device and the schematics seem to be… pony, in origin, the detonator, for example, uses a magic receptive material for the button and casing, which is common for devices that are used by creatures with hooves, also many of the bombs mechanisms to the magic injection chamber and dispersal array, all originate from one of your drafts of a, quote, ‘Monster Girl Transformation Cannon’, not only proving your hooves were involved in construction, but also the motive of you using this detonation as a test-run.”
Starburst facehoofed, well, facepalmed .
“Orgran has access to my blueprints, and hello?! It's a bomb that used magic, of course the detonator would be a magic conductor! All of your evidence is just circumstantial horseapples!”
“But of course one of the most damning pieces of evidence is how you’re working so hard to push the blame.”
“You've got me chained up for a crime I didn't commit, During an ongoing war that will most likely end with your oh so precious world order shredded to pieces, and instead of Doing something about it , like Orgran did, you're engaging in this farce of a trial! This is quite literally childish, and I, for one, move for the trial to be suspended until such time that Equestria isn't at risk!”
“We had already made a vote on such a thing and it has been denied, this trial will continue until a final verdict is made.” Luna stated, and gestured for Inches to continue.
“Which is working in my favour, we don’t just use evidence, we also use the defendant’s actions, for example, throughout this trial you could’ve simply proven Orgran’s innocence and then both of you would’ve been found not guilty, instead you have opted to attempt to prove you had no involvement in this crime and therefore force your friend to shoulder the blame and take the full punishment in your stead.”
To be honest, by how she wasn’t trying to help me I had felt a little betrayed.
She sighed. “sorry, Orgran.. I’m no lawyer, and it's obvious they've already decided our fate… we're probably not getting out of here alive.. Princesses.. my last request is that you make my death quick.. and absolute. I don't want to be brought back as a monster to be raped by the Caribou….”
When she looked, it seemed they hadn’t heard her, but in truth I had silenced her words.
“Oh you are not giving up on me, Starburst! You’ve been thinking inside the box! The goal here isn’t to prove we didn’t do these acts, the goal is to prove my plan has not disrupted Equus’ natural order.”
“.. goddess, I am so stupid..”
“Besides the death penalty was removed from Equestrian law 500 years ago.”
“Okay.. *sigh* I'm good now.”
I smile and remove the spell. “Your majesty, we believe our crime is non existent, our actions have not caused disruption of natural order.”
“Oh? Then please explain.” Celestia said, a knowing smirk on her face.
“They have been in preservation of it.” Starburst chimed in.
Celestia’s smile grew a little. “As I said, please explain why you believe that to be so?”
“I only heard parts of Orgran's announcement, but from what I heard, his actions, and mine, thanks to my designs being used, were to foil the plans of the Caribou to invade while we were helpless, figuring out our own bodies. We preserved the world order.. by just giving it a tiny little nudge. The Caribou would see this world order destroyed… that is all, your highness.”
“As proof of this prevention, I had said in my speech the crystals were reprogrammed to allow an instant transition, plus the crystals were designed to only target sapient species, so you won’t be seeing any anthropomorphic rabbits or manticores.”
“Well your words speak truth, and while the elements were disoriented, they can vouch that the change from quadruped to biped was not as jarring as it could have been, and I am proof that the original crystals did not have such a feature, and that even I was vulnerable… I thank you, Orgran, Starburst, for allowing your testimonies to be heard so that the noble court finally realized your innocence, I find the two accused to be… not guilty.”
Starburst fainted, and a guard moved to check on her. It just seemed to be stress exhaustion… probably from fearing for her life., so I decided to carry her home.
After a while Starburst woke up in bed, where I was keeping a stoic, yet not-creepy, watch over her.
Which was important since 1: the Caribou were not happy with my speech and 2: apparently Caribou ninjas are a thing.
She immediately gasped, and grabbed my arm. “We need to get to work!”
“Woah! Easy! Why are you panicking?!”
“They're coming.. ”
“I have good news and bad news about that, the good news is, no they aren’t yet, they’re preparing back in their kingdom.”
“The bad?”
“Their preparations involve summoning the demon they serve, and my nature’s sight is unable to reach over the seas, so I still don’t know what demon they serve, nor what ancient war machines they have unearthed, but luckily, we have something that they don’t.”
“A Dwarven Engineer!”
“Nope!”
“Easily replaceable Cannon Fodder!” I say, showing her the underground test area where I have spawning crystals for both purple and blue minions, along with turrets in a constant battle where no side is able to get the better of the other. This was where I practiced using the plans Thrin gave me.
“Nice.”
“And they’re pure magic construct, so you don’t have to worry about having them be slaughtered by the thousands since they’re not really alive.”
“Yep! Wait, Where's my OMS prototype?”
“Oh I scrapped it, not intentionally but it was either that or let the Caribou ninja steal it.”
“Oh, well. Wait, did you burn the schematic, too?! Please tell me you did!”
“Well I didn’t, we should be thankful the Caribou are prideful enough to think they could reverse engineer the prototype and greedy enough to not want us to use it.”
“Phew.. I've got the design memorized.”
“I’ve just been smart and have all my blueprints in Dwarven Scripture, since only me or Hella can read it… by the way, I bet you’re curious about the Hell-Knight, right?”
“A little.. but my mind is buzzing with my idea, I need to build it before I forget it.”
“No, you are not building ODM gear! Those things are only for ninjas or completely reckless idiots, and besides you almost killed an innocent with the prototype!”
“The finished version won't use harpoons, I learned from my mistake. And it would be very hard to harm oneself in a suit of armor that could limit movement in an accident situation.”
“Besides, it would never see military use.”
“Well, crap.. that idea will never see the light of day..”
“Listen Starburst, as a scientist you should be prepared for this, besides, I do have projects for you.”
“Remember how I was the one that hired you? Heh.. anyways, you said?”
“Well as you are the head royal scientist for the Dwarven Kingdom, I was hoping you could use some raw Dwarven DNA and find a seeding method we could use in the Badlands to allow my race to flourish again, I already have samples, and the crown of Elnir, in your personal lab for you to begin, while the other projects are for the terraforming of said badlands and any improvements you could make to the Firebat design or any modifications to allow Centurions to have specialist roles.”
“I thought up a new incendiary fuel.. but it's Really dangerous.”
“Work on it in your time, but right now, I want you in my quarters this evening, something involving Hella and a nurse’s outfit.” I say before walking off.
Later on, Starburst showed up in a nurse outfit, and walked into my quarters.
“You called, King Orgran?”
“Well first off I wasn’t expecting you to be up for it.” I say, actually surprised.
“wait, what?? I thought there was genuinely Something medical you wanted me to tend to..”
“Starburst if I wanted actual medical advice I would go to the hospital, are you completely unaware of the terms ‘kinky outfits’ or ‘role-playing’? In all honesty I wasn’t hinting at you to put on a nurse’s outfit.”
“... Oh.. okay.” She teleported it off, leaving her Stark naked. “It was rubbing my fur weird anyways.”
“You see, the main reason I called you here is because Hella learned a new spell ‘Gaia Connection’ which lets her create a link between herself and an object to either control it like a limb or feel sensations from it as if it was a part of her.”
“Okay..? What does this have to do with me?”
“She wants to try out the sensation part and… you ever heard of a Glass Dildo Strap-on?”
And then Hella walks in and stands behind Star. “hello Mom, want Nurse Hell to check your temperature~?” she blushed, and nodded, and I saw her start to become wet.
“Now I know this is about her, but would be opposed to me joining in?”
“By all means~.. I'm feeling really horny~!”
And so that night, I found myself in a three-way with my wife and her mom.
… that is really fucking kinky.
Author's Note
what do you call a bad clopfic with plenty of anal?
a story with too many plotholes!
also, why is nobody suggesting on the blog? I thought there'd be tons of people with ideas!
I'M NOT SHORT, I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!
Intermission: the attack.
I wake up from a nap on my throne, looking out to the main room acting as my ‘throne room’
“*sigh* this is relaxing.
*VWOIP*
“Hm?”
*GRRR*
“OH SHIT!”
*SCRATCH*
*CRUNCH*
*BITE*
“AAAH!! AGH!! HELP!!”
Author's Note
brief, but tantalizing, isn't it?
