Chapters Some Shenanigans.... and a prologue I guess
"We're doing what now?"
"A vacation!"
"Mom, I have hundreds of stands to run in multiple dimensions, I can't leave them be! I also have three orphans to take care of, and I can't just-"
"Goji, that's exactly why you need a vacation. Don't worry, I got Eye to watch the three and your shop while we're gone."
You may be wondering what the hell is going on here. To be honest, I probably should've opened up with a narration. But screw being a well-written story. This is what you're getting. That's it. Nada.
Really? Still here?
Come on now!
Well...I do need 1000 words for this to pass...
Hmmm....
"QUIT THE FILLER!"
Ok Goji...jeez. I'm just attempting to justify your existence.
By the way, these kaiju are anthropomorphic but are in no means affiliated with the furry community. Expect tons of fourth wall breaking and maybe some JoJo references. I don't know. All I know is this story will be terrible because it's just an excuse for me to waste my time. Also, there will be a lot of time warping. The existence of THAT will be cleared up at some point.
Now...since I am looking for a way to fill up some space, here's some random shenanigans from a week after my characters arrived.
And just so you know, there will be no generic diplomacy. Said diplomacy has happened "offscreen" per se, so you can't read it.
Space vs. Socializing
Space liked being alone with his thoughts. He was a man-excuse me, kaiju- of few words. So when Bio told him to get out and start socializing...it went as well as you expected.
"Come on, bro. You have to-" Bio said....but of course Space wasn't really listening.
After the entirety of Bio's ~~rant~~ lecture, Space just yawned and made a reference to a dead meme.
"But that's social interaction, and I don't support it."
Bio, unimpressed, placed her hands (which were really just vines) on her hips. "Cut the memes, Space. I'm serious."
"Ok, ok. Fine."
Space then proceeded to walk up to a random pony, and simply stood next to her until she noticed him.
"Oh!" The mare said in surprise. "Hello. Are you one of the visitors I've heard about?"
"Yeah. Hi," Space mumbled.
"Huh?"
"Hi." Space uttered a little louder.
A moment of awkwardness proceeded to follow, each entity involved in the conversation sweating slightly and nervously staying quiet.
"Okay, bye," Space said as he turned and walked away, leaving a very confused multicolored sentient Equus ferus caballus in his wake.
"I did it Bio. I socialized. Happy now?"
"NO! YOU ONLY SAID TWO WORDS AND THAT'S IT!" Bio exclaimed angrily.
"Last I checked it was five. Right readers?"
"That's not the point!"
Space just looked through the fourth wall, shrugged and winked, then closed it up, ending this skit.
(End of Skit)
The Fourth Wall
Disclaimer: If you are a fourth wall repair entity, you're REALLY gonna hate this.
Goji lied down on the grass next to everyone's favorite energetic, party-loving little equine, Pinkie Pie. He had formed a close friendship with her, due to-
"Hey!" Pinkie Pie shot at the narrator, AKA me, indignantly. "Use the word 'pony' for once and stop trying to use synonyms for the sake of sounding 'original'!"
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just not the type of person who's good at starting stories!
"You never even watched the series itself, and you're merely judging my character based on other fimfics you read, so I'm probably acting out of character!"
Pinkie Pie then earned an invisible slap. I think you know who did it.
"Don't disrespect narrators, Pinkie. I hate them sometimes too, but you gotta remember people in the 'real' world have much more power over us than we'd like to admit, even if we are aware of the fourth wall and use it to our advantage," Goji stated calmly to a pissed Pinkie acting very much out of character. He then proceeded to be hypocritical for the sake of comedy by making obscene gestures at me.
Now excuse me while I slap him as well.
"OW! Ok, I'll admit I deserved that. Sorry."
Well at least you learned your lesson more quickly...unlike someone.
"Ok, stop holding it over Pinkie. She's still a novice."
Alright, fine.
Pinkie Pie was then thrown to the other side of the world-
"What did I say, Narrator?"
*sigh* Alright, alright, fine, seriously. Hesukristo .
Goji then turned to the fourth wall, and said, "What you just heard the narrator say is Filipino for 'Jesus Christ.' Now, forget it, since it's useless information you don't need to learn about."
"Do you ever wonder if the author/narrator of this story only uses fourth wall jokes due to their unoriginality?" Pinkie Pie asked Goji.
Shut up, Pinkie. You're lucky I didn't slap you again.
"This skit has gone on for far too long. I'll answer it off-page, ok, Pink?" Goji replied.
Pinkie replied to Goji's question energetically. I'll leave it up to you what she said, as long as it, at its core, means "yes," because obviously you will never see Goji's explanation.
(End of skit)
Biollante Introduces Rainbow to Velociraptors
Biollante had liked dinosaurs ever since she was the age most would be when being invested in the prehistoric saurians. However, she was one of the lucky few to never truly grow out of the obsession. And her favorite dinosaur, you ask? Velociraptor.
No, not the human-sized, highly intelligent, scaly monstrosity famously seen in Jurassic Park, but rather, the turkey-sized, feathered creature all paleo enthusiasts have come to know and love. That said, though, the real life creature was still very dangerous, even if smaller and much less intelligent than most think. If you need a picture to figure out what the real life raptor looked like, here's your pic.
One day, when she was peacefully reading a book about dromaeosaurs, Rainbow Dash had curiously engaged in her activities. Bio was happy to share her knowledge with the cyan pegasus. The only problem? Let's just say Rainbow's attention span is not exactly the best.
After a few moments of pretending to listen and skimming through a few pages, Rainbow said something that may or may not have activated the nerves associated with Bio's geekiness when it came to the feathered prehistoric creatures she knew and loved.
"So, they're just glorified birds with tails and claws? That's weak"
Bio started shaking a little and laughing slightly.
"What?" Rainbow demanded.
"You have a lot to learn. Here, I'll read something out of this book that may change your mind," Bio remarked in a somewhat smug voice. "This book in my very hand, well, vine, says that scientists now think Velociraptors may have used their wings to stay stable, whilst using their hooked claws to hold on prey while eating it alive."
A moment of silence occurred. Then, before you knew it, Rainbow was stocking her brain up with information about our little ancient feathered friend, surprisingly enthusiastically.
This skit was inspired by: https://xkcd.com/1104/
(End of Skit)
Well, we're at the end now. GodzillaSpino, signing off!
Author's Note
Welcome to the Author's Notes. Here you will find the characters engaging in multiple activities, most notably the "Wheel of 'Morality'" and other segments found in Animaniacs.
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Biollante Absentmindedly Creates an Arsenal Against Zombie Apocalypses
Just as much as she loved dinosaurs, Bio loved gardening. Back home, whenever she wasn't dealing with the normal insane things that occurred in Goji's life, which neither wanted to be roped into, Bio would often spend her time planting seeds, watering them, read gardening books, and look for credible websites to improve her knowledge on botany.
Sometimes though, she would zone out and accidentally create a plant relating to whatever she was thinking about. That was actually how she accidentally destroyed Goji's shop a while back. Bio disliked that memory, but she would never be able get what the plant kept saying out of her head: "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!"
By God, she hated that line. Especially with the voice. But back to the present, Bio doesn't want me to remind her of that time.
There Bio was, just gardening in her new "home" near Sweet Apple Acres. She sometimes came by to help Applejack and her family with daily chores (her vine arms and the three sentient Venus-flytrap looking tentacles on her back helped matters), but sometimes she just wanted to wind down from it and do something she enjoyed more.
She did everything she had to do, then started gardening...before getting off track mentally and thinking about Plants VS. Zombies.
As she, somehow automatically, planted and watered the seeds, she kept thinking of the PvZ games and its somewhat dead fandom, and tried to make a list of her favorite plants, which she never really bothered to do because she usually made sure she never zoned out-
"Wait, I was zoning out?" Biollante asked. "Phew, thanks for telling me Mr. Narrator."
You know, for someone aware of the fourth wall, it took you quite a while to realize that. Then again, you're not as experienced as Goji yet, so I'll cut you some slack. And you did break the fourth wall a few paragraphs ago, I guess.
Ahem, back to the story.
Biollante continued her work, now aware of whether or not she was zoning out. Unbeknownst to her, her lack of attention had done its damage. Our favorite kaiju-rose hybrid was oblivious to the fact that six plants had begun growing rapidly.
The Next Day
The second of the plants finally grew to full size. It was a little green thing, with the leaves on the bottom of its stem and the bulbous top part of the stem connecting its head with its body being a darker shade than its cannon-shaped head and the stem itself. A leaf sprouted from the back of its head, which was much the same shade of green as the other leaves. Its eyes were thick and round, fully black with a white dot. All in all, it resembled a Peashooter from, you guessed it, Plants VS Zombies. Now let us use our oh so creative minds and refer to this one as the Second until the official names of the plants are revealed.
The newly matured plant was then met with its older sibling, which we shall refer to as the First. The First had a similar appearance to its younger contemporary, except for the fact its head was, instead of a lime green shade, an icy blue color, with multiple icicles of the same color sprouting from the back of its head, rather than a single, normal leaf. The bulbous top part of the stem also had the same icy blue color, which faded to a somewhat turquoise color down the middle, before becoming fully green at the bottom. The leaves' colors stayed the same.
Later, another plant emerged, also with the same appearance as the ones before it. However, this one was completely red-colored, with fiery orange eyes. In place of a leaf or icicles on the back of its head, however, there were just flames. All in all, not very different, but it had its perks. Refer to it as the Third.
The fourth was just a generic PvZ1 Chomper. Nothing more. You can clearly see a pattern in the nicknames. There is no need for me to say any more.
The fifth was a generic PvZ1 character as well, this time a Gloom Shroom. However, its eyes were fixed in not a gloomy expression, but just a normal sad one. It also had eyelashes, so I believe it should be okay to refer to the plant with she/her pronouns.
The sixth one popped up a few hours after the fifth, just before Biollante arrived. Its petals were shaped like Reuleaux triangles, and were a bright, cheery yellow. Its face was light brown, and it had round-ish vertically-slanted eyes. Its stem was similar to the first four plants, except the stem and leaves were the same shade of dark-ish green. It also had eyelashes like the fifth.
The Sixth began interacting with the others, but was interrupted by Biollante coming home.
"Ah, finally. Home sweet home. Let me just check on my garde-"
Bio's eyes met with another five pairs (due to the Fourth not having said body part).
"Holy shit," she muttered.
To Be Continued
Author's Note
Look at that! At the time of this writing, this story doesn't even a fanbase, and already there are two chapters!
Golly, I Forgot the Author's Notes Segment!
I just realized that I wasted the Author's note in the last chapter and didn't give what I promised, so here's a possibly recurring segment!
Welcome, welcome all! Today we have the Wheel of Morality! Our participants....Goji, Trixie, and Luna!
Goji wisely did not question the needs of you viewers, but of course Trixie and Luna were confused.
"The great and powerful Trixie does not have-" Trixie began.
To hell with your "great and powerful" stuff today, Ms. Twix, you are now at the mercy of I, the narrator! Mwahahaha-
Luna said something as well, but it was, unfortunately, not heard due to Trixie's indignant statement, and also because I'm too lazy to put in what she said anyway.
Now spin this wheel, and see what you get!
Goji turned the wheel with great strength despite his normal-looking arms. It nearly made the wheel fall off. Luckily, it didn't, and it slowed down until ending up in a blue section.
And that means we get some word of advice!
The wheel then served a fortune cookie. Luna broke it in half for the important paper, whilst Goji scarfed the cookie halves down. Trixie was offered a piece (before Goji ate it, get your minds out of the gutter!), but she turned it down.
Luna then read the fortune which is today's important lesson. "Tell math to solve its own frickin' problems for once. It's not a goddamn baby."
Luna was horrified to see such a vulgar statement, and refused to speak post reading the fortune. She's probably just acting out of character.
Goji looked at me, displeased. "Really? You stole something from those Facebook Minion memes? You truly are the lowest of scum."
He teleported himself along with his two mare contemporaries out of the game show.
Well, I suppose that's it for now.
Author's Note
This is filler for an Author's Note. Did you seriously expect another for here?
GS out.
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Goji Abuses the Random Tag Even More Than It Already Has Been
It was quite a normal day for the ponies. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, and on days like these Goji couldn't come up with anything to say than quotes from Sans.
Goji was simply just bored as fu-
Ahem, ahem. Frick.
Suddenly, an idea sprang up in his mind. This story had a Random tag. He could do anything he wanted. He could abuse this story with absolutely NO consequences whatsoever, because things that are random are random , and God forbid a story with a random tag make sense!
With his fourth wall powers he set the chapter to non-canon so that everyone would still be safe, and then proceeded to cause chaos even Discord wouldn't match up to.
He needed to warm up first. So he went to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and just said something completely out of the blue.
"So, this guy named Noah, he used all his fight money to buy two out of every single animal, herded them into a boat, and BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM."
"Uh, ok?" Scootaloo said in response.
Goji then spawned an elytra and fireworks, jumped off a conveniently-placed cliff, named the Non Canon Convenient Rift, and flew to the next random spot.
He knew that something was keeping him from teleporting home, but he could still teleport to any other dimension if he so pleased. So he teleported to Spinel and asked if he could use her injector.
"But it blew up-" Spinel began.
"Do you have another?" Goji pressed on.
"I'm pretty sure you can make things out of thin air."
"I'm just joking, don't worry about it. This was all for a reference."
Goji teleported out.
Little did the two know the Diamonds were present (how? I don't know, this is random tag abuse), and they were gonna have a few questions about Goji for our poor Spinel.
Goji, back in Ponyville, then created a fake injector and sucked in some harmless liquid to the ground. That said, though, it definitely still freaked out the ponies.
Goji then proceeded to yell/sing, "THAT'S RIGHT I HEARD THE STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN!"
Space then appeared and said "Goji, what the HELL are you doing?!"
"Do not engage in fear, brother! This is all non-canon!"
"Oh. Okay."
Space turned to a concerned Bio that had just arrived.
"Don't worry, it's all non-canon," he said.
"Phew. Thank God he hasn't snapped from those insane adventures," Bio replied.
"Who's God?!" A random filly asked whilst running away from the injector.
Goji laughed maniacally, then made the injector disappear and flew off somewhere else.
Celestia and Luna attempted to stop him at some point in this chapter but...
"BY THE POWER OF THE RANDOM TAG!" Goji yelled. "YOU SHALL FALL IN THE MOST RIDICULOUS, HILARIOUS, AND HUMILIATING WAY POSSIBLE!"
Celestia and Luna were then transported to the universe of Attack on Titan, where they were then attacked by Levi Ackerman fans in the midst of the Battle for Trost District, who mistook the two sisters for Titans...somehow.
Goji then went to time travel and casually bonked Cozy Glow, Chrysalis, and Tirek with a 10-foot titanium bar. He proceeded to go through a nearby rift through space-time to return to the present, leaving three confused villains in his wake. Said trio was then swarmed by every creature in Equus.
Goji, due to overthrowing Sunbutt and Moonbutt, then became a tyrant lizard king. No, not that one, a literal tyrant lizard king.
Starlight Glimmer decided to have a few words with him. But instead, Goji waved her off.
"So, you're approaching me?" Goji taunted. "Instead of running away like a pony that actually has common sense, you still dare to come at me? Even after I showed all you stupid miniature jackasses the power of my SUTANDO?"
Starlight proceeded to summon her own Stand (how the hell did she get one?! Oh, wait, nevermind) and replied, "I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer."
"Ho ho! Then come as close as you like!"
They then beat each other up. Even with how powerful Starlight was, especially with her new Stand, all it took for Goji to beat her was a simple smack with his Stand, Muscle Mothra.
A few hours later, the Mane 6 came to see Goji doing...
"I'm gonna easily snap your neck," Goji said whilst doing the very action at some poor pony. "Now I'm gonna easily snap your neck."
He turned to the Mane 6. "Now I'm gonna e-"
"Now hold yer gosh darn horses there, pal!" Applejack said indignantly. "Ah remember clearly we six are the main characters here!"
"So proud," Pinkie gushed. The fourth wall lessons had finally paid off.
Goji sighed. "I'm gonna throw you, and monologue about how you can never defeat me..."
He then allowed the Mane 6 to blow him up with those rainbow power things they had when fighting Tirek. His last words were...
"And then let you defeat me."
Goji was back in that black void he went to whenever he "died." Luckily, he had set a SAVE right after he set things to non-canon, and he remembered everything. He pressed "Continue."
Goji was back where he started. He checked how long it would be before he could set the universe back to canon.
"Two hours?!" He said indignantly. In his outrage, Goji then proceeded to close up the fourth wall so we wouldn't invade his privacy. And thaaaat's the way the news goes!
"Hey! Narrator!" Goji fumed whilst opening the fourth wall back up. "Shut the fu- I mean, buck up and stop making 'Rick and Morty' references! It doesn't make you sound any smarter or magically get an impossible amount of IQ, nor can it only be understood by people with said amount of IQ!"
Hello. I am the temporary second narrator here due to the fact that the other and Goji are arguing. Should we check up on someone whilst waiting for them to finish?
The narrator takes your hand and whisks you to Bio's room.
"Get out of my room!" The plant kaiju screeches. "I'm playing Minecraft!"
I don't have time for this. I'll excuse myself out. Hopefully the other one and the lizard have finished their arguing. And hopefully your brain hasn't died from reading whatever this...THING...is.
Author's Note
Welcome to Random Fun Facts, putting boring educational value into what would've been a fun story. Twilight, may you read?Saurophaganax maximus is its own genus or simply another species of Allosaurus .
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Typing Extremely Random Things as Multiple Characters: Part 1
Based on the Saying a Lot of Things series by Revtrosity and Incorrect Quotes. Other things will be sprinkled in as well.
this is non canon
Bio: What do you have there, Cozy Glow?
Pinkie: All things considered, it didn't go TOO badly.
cut to a nuked hive
Cube: WHAT IS THIS, GOJI? WHAT IN THE NAME OF DIVINE BEINGS HAVE YOU BECOME?!
Tempest Shadow: Do penguins have knees?
Discord: *breaks free of the stone statue of imprisonment* Oh, oh, Equestria, it is good to be back!
Cozy Glow: Soon, Mr. Ducky. We shall drink the fear of those who mocked us!
Space: We got a free day now. What do you wanna do? Eat? Sleep? Nap? Snack?
Cozy Glow: *in fake innocence* We're friends!
insert time travel hijink
Bio: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?
Twilight: It’s time to turn our business into a real business.
Starlight: How hot is it in here now?ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!
Goji: 'Ey, kiddo, whaddaya wanna eat?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Chrysalis, Tirek, Cozy: *destroying Equestria and otherwise causing chaos*megalovania intensifies
Random Pony: I'm selling pies now!
Bio: Everyone deserves mercy!
Goji: Who wants to go somewhere NOT boring?!
Rainbow Dash: *exaggerating what Goji is like to the Storm King in a futile attempt to terrify him*
Space: I'm gonna say the N-word.
Bio: The results are in. I'm afraid you have..updog.
Celestia: How old do you think I am?
cut to Goji and Cozy Glow on a laptop
somewhere else
somewhere else, second edition
Author's Note
Unfortunately there will be no segment due to a lack of creativity from the author.this
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A Generation 5 Megalovania: Part 1 (G5 Timeline)
Sunny Starscout beheld the sight before her.
"You okay, kid?"
The orange Earth Pony turned quickly and saw a light blue, bipedal creature, wearing a cerulean hoodie/sweater with a white triangle insignia and yellow pockets, black shorts, and yellow shoes with untied dark blue laces. It sported cat-like ears, and had strange scars on its face. A dragon? No, it didn't have wings. But didn't young dragons lack wings too? No, the creature before her had a voice too old to be little. It was taller than her, too.
"Yeah," Sunny answered. "I'm fine."
The creature gave a sigh of relief. "Phew. I was afraid I didn't summon the spike in time.
"Wait...that was YOU?"
"Yup. Goji, spike and blaster extraordinaire. Pleasure to meet you...."
"Sunny Starscout. So, your name is Goji?"
Sunny was suddenly teleported to something suspiciously like a game show, hearing applause as the being named Goji stood behind a podium with a large screen above him that spelled out "CORRECT!" She was then carted back to reality.
"Eeyup. So, you on some magical journey or whatever Hasbro comes up with these days?
"I guess I'm kind of in a journey? I don't know about the rest of that."
"I'll join you either way. Something tells me speciesism is even stronger around here, and someone needs to be around for the more extreme cases," Goji shrugged. He looked at the script then glared at a hidden blue kirin, who simply gave an unsure smile and a thumbs up..sorta. Goji decided to reprimand the author later.
Sunny didn't know what to say, but she nodded anyway.
"Okie dokie. Now off to a better tomorrow!" Goji muttered something about....capitalism? Underhanded marketing ploys? GS? Huh, Sunny would have to ask later. For now, they journeyed toward a better tomorrow, as Goji had said.
Author's Note
This was a short chapter. Let me make it up to you with a Good Idea, Bad Idea segment.
Good idea: Have a tea party and a snack with a bear.
cut to Fluttershy having a tea party with a bear
Bad idea: be a tea party snack for a bear
cut to Izzy from G5 running away from a bear
Also, yes, Goji is basically just Godzilla and Sans chucked into a blender. Don't worry, I'll try to put it in my own ingredients to the mix to make him more original.
GodzillaSpino, out!
Sudden Changes: Bullet Hell
So, yeah, this story takes place throughout the entire series minus the Last Problem. Or is that just an excuse for Goji to whip out his AK47 and scare/confuse ponies whilst he uses it on Chrysalis?
Yeah, definitely the latter.
We all know the story. Changelings invaded, Chrysalis disguised herself as Cadance, blah blah. Yeah, I didn't get that right either....LOL.
.......
Chrysalis laughed evilly and proceeded to go through with her villain monologue. Right in the middle of it, however, a series of strange sounds passed. Then, the doors to the place Shining and Cadance's wedding took place in (and therefore where Chrysalis is as of this chapter) were knocked down, chock full of holes, proceeding to show us Goji, in all his pissed glory, with his right eye glowing blue and the left red, wielding an Avtomat Kalashnikova 1947.
"Looks what we have here," Goji growled. "I guess someone already shot you. Don't worry, I'll finish the job."
"You dare intrude thissssss location whilssssst I am giving my evil monologue, inssssolent brat?" Chrysalis hissed, before realizing how exaggerated her speech was and scrunching up her face in confusion.
"News flash, asshole," Goji didn't care about his language anymore. "I don't follow plot."
"What do you mean 'plot?'"
"That doesn't matter. It's time for you to commit aliven't."
"Approaching me, I see? Instead of running way, you dare come right at me?"
Goji was sure we just used that reference three chapters ago, but he went with it.
"The truth is, kiddo. I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer."
"HA! Then go ahead, strange reptilian being! Come as close as you like!"
Goji didn't like using his abilities, because it made him look like a Sans ripoff, but sometimes he just had to do it.
The light blue radioactive reptile summoned spiky floating heads that looked like Shin Godzilla's head, except "cleaner," which then proceeded to expel large rays of blue radiation. Some larger ones gave forth a torrent of black smoke which immediately turned into fire. Said fire then turned into a bright purplish-pink ray that sliced nearly anything it touched. The rays cut off part of Chrysalis's mane, nearly slicing her back, which would've been even more bad news for the already
Goji then proceeded to shoot his AK47 at Chrysalis. He missed, mostly because of the holes around her body, but some other changelings were instead on the receiving end of the bullets. He began reloading.
Chrysalis saw this and exploited his vulnerability, punching in the chest. Goji merely grimaced and gave Chrysalis a taste of her own medicine, barraging her with an array of punches from his Stand, Muscle Mothra, who was shouting her battle cry, "SHINU SHINU SHINU!"
Needless to say, it hurt MUCH more than what the changeling queen had initially dealt. She was about to stand again when she was met with even more bangs. Goji was firing again.
Now, what were the ponies doing? Oh, don't worry. They're just completely terrified.
Goji dodged and dodged every shot Chrysalis dealt, and even somehow deflected some with the bullets of his magic. Needless to say, he wasn't quite taking this as seriously as he seemed to be. It's a comedy story, why would you take ANYTHING seriously?
Hey, uh, author, should we fast forward or something?
"Yeah, go ahead. I'm too lazy," responded a blue kirin with the features of a Spinosaurus aegyptiacus .
So everything was magically taken care of, Chrysalis reformed (wonder how that's gonna affect Season 9), blah blah blah. All in all, bad writing.
"Bad writing indeed. I didn't deliver on the story's promise, dontcha think? Lemme just drop something."
"What the? Where am I? What's with all these boxes?" A very confused Space said.
"Ah-HA!" Bio yelled, opening the door. An unimpressed Applejack stood next to her. "I knew you were up to no good!
"Sounds too generic," the kirin, presumably the author, mused. "Just cut to the chase."
Well then, okay. Bio and Applejack had just caught Space lugging 1103845 boxes of crack cocaine into an abandoned building.
Author's Note
This chapter was so terrible, I'm not sure this segment will make it up to you.
"Looks like it's that time again!" Goji bounced onto the screen.
"What time?" A confused Sunny Starscout inquired
An equally befuddled Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Time for...uh....a weather check? Something?"
"No! It's time to learn the lesson of the day! Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn! Tell us the lesson that we should learn!
Sunny took the slip of paper and read it out. "Megalovania"
"How is that a moral?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"This wheel is supposed to spit out a nonsensical thing that isn't a moral. It worked too well this time. Even I'm confused." Goji pondered.
"Oh well," Sunny said. "Let's just go back to our respective timelines."
Skit 1: Frenemies
Goji blinked the sleepiness from his eyes. He always had a tired look on him, but it was more noticeable than usual. He yawned and stretched his nearly dead arms. Chrysalis noticed this.
"Hey, buddy...you good?" She responded. The changeling queen still had a bit of a problem using the foreign lingo the blue reptile spoke, but she'd been improving quite a bit.
"Oh, Chrysalis," the nuclear lizard responded. "Yeah, I'm just really tired, I guess. Getting your people in line with the new truce was kind of hard."
Chrysalis doubted this, but she suspected that he was probably still tired from the fight that had taken place the week before. The insectoid equine shuddered at the memory of Goji's strange weapon and his abilities.
"Oh, wait, dude!" Chrysalis said, chagrining at her attempt saying the last word. "I uploaded this cool video in that YouTube thing you showed us changelings four days ago! Maybe it could get you some sleep!"
"Does it really work?" Goji yawned.
"Yeah, just let me send the...what did you call it? A link?"
"Uh huh."
Chrysalis, with the strange device Goji had gave her he called a "phone," quickly tapped something with the special hoof design the latter had implemented for ponies, which served well for changelings, too.
"Okay, I sent it to you," Chrysalis said. "Hope it helps!"
"Man, thanks buddy."
"No problem!"
Later
"Okay then," Goji said as he yawned and stretched. "Time to check out that video Chrysalis sent-"
Goji stared at the title. asmr to help u sleep: i beat u til ur unconscious . He clicked anyway. The video showed Chrysalis smacking the camera with a baseball bat repeatedly. It was a wonder the screen hadn't broken during recording. Surprisingly, though, Goji's eyes began feeling heavy, and he drifted off to the Dreamscape.
Meanwhile, Chrysalis looked on from outside.
"Holy shit!" She exclaimed in surprise. "That ACTUALLY worked?"
Chrysalis proceeded to smile evilly as she wielded a battle ax she had forged from one of Goji's shed spines. "Now's my chance!"
Fluttershy and Cube proceeded to hold her back.
"Chrysalis, NO!" Cube grunted as she pushed away the changeling with all her might. "Let Goji sleep!"
"Oh, sweet Celestia!" Fluttershy said, louder than usual. "Please don't! You don't know wanna know what happens when you forcibly wake him!"
Cube and Chrysalis then proceeded to look at the yellow-coated pegasus with confused expressions.
End of Skit
Skit 2: Space's Field Trip of Depression...Sorta?
"Have you ever stopped to look at these… these faces from the past?" Space said in a subtly mocking melodramatic tone as he guided a class through a museum in Manehattan, because he could. "They’re not so different from you, really. They had dreams like you do. They had ambitions. But now… they’re gone. Dead. Dust."
"That’s my auntie Ann, third from the left. She’s not dead," a random filly said. She was shushed by a nearby colt.
"She’s only fifty four! She runs the mobile library in Ballymafoalty."
"QUIET!" the same colt said.
Space just glared at a hidden blue kirin for making up such a bad name for a town.
"Alright, kids, enough," Space grumbled. "Let's go see dusty rock bone molds."
End of Skit
Skit 3: Adult Joke
Bio sat with Applejack, Applebloom, and Big Mac as they chilled for a bit, ignoring the fact they were procrastinating their work. Sure, it was OOC for the latter three, but this is a skit, so don't think too much of it.
Soon, though, one of Bio's PvZ plants, the Sunflower, now named Eliana, ran up and shouted in a hurried voice. "GUYS! GRANNY SMITH IS COMING!"
Panic was incited.
Applejack started running around, with Applebloom following suit. Big Mac started sweating profusely and also ran around looking for something to do.
"OKAY, EVERYONE! CALM DOWN!" Bio yelled. "I'VE GOT A PLAN! EVERYONE LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GARDENING! BIG MAC, GRAB THAT LITTLE HOE!"
Big Mac then proceeded to take Eliana into his hooves, earning an offended look from the sentient Helianthus. Everyone else just looked at the red-coated stallion with a poker face.
End of Skit
Author's Note
If you have any ideas for a skit, feel free to post them in the comments!
Anyway, to the Author's Note skit!
"COME HERE GOJI!" Rainbow yells.
Nevermind, they're busy having a Dream-style manhunt.
View Online
Obligatory Chapter For a Certain Time of the Year This Was Published
Hey very little followers of this story! Goji would like to present you a gift .
Ok, Imma get back to writing the real chapters now
Author's Note
It isn't a rickroll. Check the link, no XcQ.