Chapters Sometimes, life just fucked you over. It certainly did for me. But let me start at the beginning. I'll make it quick, I promise. To begin with, I was left in the foster care system as soon as I took my first breath. Yeah... what a great start, right? Right. Things only get worse from there, let me assure you. A lot worse.
Normal kids got adopted. I didn't. It sucked ass when no one wanted to give you a chance. I was handed from one foster family to another because I was 'too much trouble' for them. Or something along those lines, anyway. I grew up bitter and resentful; I got into a lot of fights and whatnot until I met him .
At first, he seemed like a sweet guy. He seemed so cool and mature, and I thought it was love at first sight, but in reality, he was no different from everyone else. He used me. He abused me. He gaslit me. He isolated me. All the nasty, disgusting shit an idiot with rose-tinted glasses chose not to notice because they were too dumb to recognize a toxic relationship when it slapped them in the face—aka me . I ended up becoming a whore because of him, and that was how I ended up with a child. All because I had to spread my legs for whomever he decided paid enough money to have a go at me. It became normal for me, but when I learned of the pregnancy, things became all too real. It opened my eyes to the cold, bitter truth. A hard fact I couldn't ignore anymore. There was no turning my eyes another way, no pretending things were better than they actually were. No. More. Lying. To. Myself.
I was about to become a mother, and... I didn't want the same life for my baby girl that I had to go through. So I ran. I ran as far as possible, trying to start a new life away from my old one. I still worked as a sex worker, though. What? It was what I was good at, but this time, I did it on my terms. I became a porn actress. I was the emo, goth chick everyone fapped to. Yep. I was that gal.
...until things caught up to me again, that is.
That same guy that used me as his bitch found me and threatened to destroy my life—you know, the usual shit I had to deal with back when he controlled my every move. I told him to fuck off, and then... he shot me. Long story short, he got run over by a pickup truck trying to escape from the crime scene while I bled to death. I thought that would be where my sorry existence would finally find an end, and I could rest in peace, knowing that that asshole got his just dessert. Karma was a bitch, though, and that was not what happened.
Oh, no, no, no. See, when I died, I got fucked over again for good measure. It turned out that Heaven and Hell did exist, after all. And God left a flamboyant angel fucktard on the big seat so He could go on vacation or something for the past few thousand years or so. Who knew what the Big Guy was doing after the whole 'Jesus' thing? My money was on Him just not giving a fuck about His creation. Humanity was beyond repair, so on and so forth; why care, right? Worse still, the guy who killed me was judged before me, and he got off scot-free because he made puppy dog eyes at the angel prick and faked some crocodile tears, claiming I was an evil temptress. Me, on the other hand? Well, I got the short end of the stick.
You would expect an angel to be free of bias and all that crap, but no , this one was already under the thumb of my abusive ex and sentenced me to an eternity in Hell. As in capital-H, eternal torment, pits of fire and brimstone, no hope for redemption and forgiveness, Hell . No questions asked, no plea for innocence, and no answer to 'What did I do to deserve this?'. I had no say in the matter whatsoever and no way to defend myself before the whole case was swept under the rug and me along with it. The only catch was that the rug turned out to be a trap door, and the destination was a one-way ticket to motherfucking Hell. It didn't matter that I was innocent; I was 'tainted,' and so I was fucked over for no other reason than their damn, prudish bigotry.
Yes, I might have loved having sex a bit too much for my own good, but that was no reason to condemn me to an eternity of torment, now was it? I turned my life around and tried being a good mother (even though I barely got to do any parenting by the time of her first birthday), yet it wasn't good enough. It wasn't like I was forced into that lifestyle, right? No, it was too much to simply overlook that part of my life and see it for what it truly was: me trying my best to be a good person.
Eternal damnation wasn't exactly the first thing on my mind as I washed up on the shores of the desolate landscape after nearly drowning in the black water. Hell didn't look at all how I expected it would look—not that I ever expected to see the place with my own eyes, to be honest. In life, I always held out the hope that reincarnation was a thing and not this stupid, religious bullshit. Alas, stupid, religious bullshit it was.
After dragging myself onto the basalt rock formations that comprised a large part of Hell, I was met with... nothingness as far as my eyes could see. A giant ass pentacle hung in the sky like an unholy halo, an oppressive reminder of where I got rejected a peaceful afterlife, and the landscape surrounding me taunted me with starvation to come.
I needed to figure out where to go from there. I could wander around aimlessly or wait for someone else to find me. Considering where I was, I wasn't keen on the latter, so exploring I went. It went without saying that I was left with no clothing or any other protection (lucky me). No shoes, no shirt, no pants, no anything . Just me, the sweltering heat, and my blistering skin.
Turns out, I wasn't quite as alone as I first thought I was. Before too long, I stumbled upon a genuine friggin' demon. You know, fingernails sharp as claws, devil horns, spaded tail, cloven hooves, and bat wings. That kind of demon. Her hungry look sent shivers of existential dread up my spine. Suffice it to say, I turned tail and ran the fuck away from that thing. I ran as fast and long as I could, and then some. I didn't stop until I couldn't feel my legs anymore. I collapsed on the sooty black sand beach and the endless sea of dirty, yucky, muddy water. Exhausted, I had no energy left in me to find shelter from the giant sun-pentacle in the sky as it bore down on me with its merciless, harsh rays.
Fuck. This wasn't eternal damnation at all. This was a friggin' horror movie in real life. I succumbed to a fitful night of rest after the adrenaline wore off. I was sure I only managed to do so because it was close to evening (or what counted as an evening in this hellish landscape of dry, volcanic rubble and no friendly soul in sight). I didn't expect to get rescued, and I sure as Hell didn't expect to find salvation here, so I spared myself the trouble of hoping for a miracle. What was the point, anyway?
The second day, I fought with my hunger as I felt the effect of dehydration set in. I was sure I would be dead the day after, so I didn't touch the murky water. I wasn't that desperate to keep myself alive for longer than necessary if I was doomed to stay in this nightmarish realm with no escape. I made myself as comfortable on the beach as possible, intent on giving up and letting the inevitable happen sooner rather than later. It was better to get it over with and all that shit.
Yeah, I know, I know. That was kind of defeatist of me to say, but what else could I hope for? The angel fucks sure as Hell wouldn't give me a second chance after wrongfully condemning me to the afterlife reserved for the worst kind of people because they could do no wrong . Yeah, right. Fuck them.
I honestly preferred suffering for a short while rather than prolonging my torment. I was still a completely ordinary, run-of-the-mill mortal. Death would set me free and I might just get reincarnated or something. Those religious Christian whacks were right about one thing; surely another religion could be right about another, right? Right? Right ?
On the third day, I spent time cooking. As in, cooking myself in this hellish oven because I was too weak to do anything besides thinking about my shoddy luck. At least my daughter would live a better life than I did. As long as she didn't get forced into illegal sex work as well, I could rest easy knowing she would have a better future than I did, even without me in it.
By the end of the third day, I closed my eyes, hoping to never open them again. I had enough of my sorry existence and wanted to get it over with. Let me reincarnate as a bat or something and enjoy a carefree life of doing nothing significant other than exist for once.
Except... it was just too bad Hell didn't work that way. Lucky me .
I woke up the next day still as miserable as ever. Only my gnawing hunger and thirst didn't kill me. My blistering skin was starting to look ugly as Hell, and my ribs began to show while my face got noticeably more gaunt and sunken. I swear, my skin started turning red as my nails took on a deep, pitch-black color and they felt noticeably sharper. I chalked it up to the lack of bathing, trimming, and filing since I've been here.
There was no change in the weather, so I was in for a day of torture without relief from the pentacle sun's harsh, intense rays. But to be honest? The loneliness was starting to get to me. Not that I was very sociable, to begin with. Alas, when you were hungry, any other person would have looked tasty—I mean, friendly . I was in no way thinking about eating another person, even though my hunger was driving me insane.
Maybe just a little nibble or two...
Ahem! It wasn't until the sixth day that I started to crawl over to the ocean to fill my throat with the filthy liquid to alleviate the burning dryness. I could have cared less about the quality; all I cared about was putting an end to the agony I was in.
That proved to be my biggest mistake yet.
Excruciating pain raked my guts as the mucky water hit my stomach. I curled in on myself even as the liquid stung my peeling, red skin. My claws—no, nails , damnit! I was imagining things. My nails were bloody from the scratches I subjected my skin to, and if I could have screamed with my burning throat, I would have wailed like a banshee.
Things only continued to get worse from there. My body continued baking in the sun, turning my 'slightly' red skin into a charred, dark red. And despite my insistence otherwise, there was no way my nails could have grown so sharp; they dug easily into my skin wherever I wasn't careful with them. My lips didn't look much better than the rest of my body. I was sure I was only imagining things—like my totally-not-claws—but I could have sworn I had fangs .
Alas, my torture was far from over. If anything, this was just the beginning. One day, I spotted something that looked suspiciously like vultures circling over me far above in the sky. At first, I thought I was hallucinating (like everything else that I imagined), but then the shadows swooped in.
Those weren't vultures, nor any animal found on Earth. They looked like tiny, goat-like reptiles with thin, whip-like tails and sharp, jagged horns. At the end of their tails were spade-like tips, and their teeth were all long, needle-like fangs. And they were as naked as I was, laughing among themselves as they found me too weak to struggle and fight back. What followed was less pleasant than my previous 'work' while I still lived among humanity.
I won't go into any details, but by the end of their heinous crimes, my skin and throat weren't the only things that burned with hellish pain. Their inhuman sex organs had cruel barbs along the shaft, and at one point, the pain started to become a dull throb in the back of my consciousness. Not that I spent much time awake during that part of my stay here. At least their cum had a numbing effect. Or the acid in their fluids burned away what little nerves I had left. Who knew?
I had no idea how many weeks passed before things changed from the dull monotony of those lowly imps taking their turns with me and them fighting among themselves in a language I didn't quite understand. Although, one day, growling and barking could be heard in the distance. The stupid things fled the scene while at the same time leaving me to the mercy of whatever caught the scent of our less-than-pleasant act of 'love.' There was nothing remotely nice about it, and I was used to lousy sex with uncaring partners.
Two wolves with rattling chains around their necks alerted their master to my presence, and I saw a pair of broad, black hooves enter my vision. The shadow of this newcomer felt a lot more foreboding as I was too weak to turn my head up at my 'savior.' All I could do was whimper pathetically—just my luck.
Everything changed as soon as he grabbed me by my fledgling horns and lifted me like a pathetic sack of meat. The man that greeted my eyes looked downright satanic. I could see a literal fire in his gaze. His eyes were like burning charcoal as he regarded me with disdain, as if I was barely worth the trouble of picking up. Alas, whatever he saw in me, he smiled with sadistic glee, and I was powerless to fight back as he strapped me to the back of one of the gigantic mutts.
Like everything else in this godforsaken hellscape, those wolves looked like they had seen better days once upon a time. Even the big guy with the cloven hooves and sharp, black nails looked like he hadn't seen a decent meal in forever—unlike that demonic, succubus bat chick I had run into. I should have gone with her while I still had the chance. She might have taken care of me and not devoured my soul.
Things got simultaneously worse and better as soon as we arrived wherever he took me. It was a vast, ornate fortress on the other side of the mountain range I had seen in the far distance on my first day in this world. All manners of huts and hovels were built outside of its gates as imps, devils, hellhounds, nightmare steeds, centaur people, gargoyles, and other kinds of chimeras made this 'city' their home. My 'savior' went directly through the lesser rabble with a particular type of authority, and I could tell many feared him.
The devil that found me wasn't their leader, though. No. He was merely one of the soldiers of the big guy, a proper archdemon simply referred to as 'Gluttony.' He was one of the many Overlords of Hell and one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Oh? Did I forget to mention that I was also branded with a hot iron and learned to speak satanic as I was nursed back to adequate health to serve the lord of this city? Well, now you know. I also got a motherfucking tail like the other demons around here, as if my unjust fate wasn't enough insult to injury. Getting fucked by a bunch of imps must have left me too numb to notice growing an extra appendage.
I could deal with the unexpected physical change in anatomy, but I wish they had left my nerves as broken as my soul. The imps were just a foretaste of what was to come. Apparently, Gluttony got bored of having any single concubine for extended periods. Those who couldn't amuse him for long were permanently removed from the fortress for being a waste of time and resources.
I was encouraged to serve the lord well enough if I didn't want to end up in a pit of spikes for the rest of my unending torment in Hell. Fighting back against my new master came with an instant sentence to the belly of the volcano, too. I learned that the hard way when I witnessed the last concubine get dragged out of the servant quarters one day, kicking and screaming for mercy after she stole food from him.
The fear of literally spending eternity submerged in a pit of lava gave me enough incentive to learn how to best please the 'kind' lord. That day marked the first step into my descent into sin and depravity (in Hell). I quickly rose in rank due to the skills I acquired on Earth. Not only that, but I also learned how to use my new demonic features.
Turns out I did have claws now. As well as fangs. A couple of horns. And a literal devil's tail with a spade-like tip. My time suffering in Hell turned me into a lesser demon only one rank above a lowly imp. Not that I took pride in that. One rank above an imp was still at the bottom of the barrel around here. My best chances of staying alive rested entirely on my skills as a whore.
Among those skills, my tail and fangs came quite in handy. The fat pig liked getting a bit wild; the bloodier it got, the faster he came. He was an animal, through and through. I fucking despised every second of it, but I bore through the pain to please him. What was a bit of lightheadedness compared to staying out of a pit of molten rock, huh?
Thus, I became one of Gluttony's favorite new toys and did my best not to displease him in fear of him getting bored of me. And yet, despite my best efforts, keeping him entertained became increasingly more challenging. At the same time, my body struggled to cope with the physical abuse he subjected me to. He had an insatiable hunger and an even worse hunger for new flesh. The competition among his concubines was by far the worst, though.
It was only due to my paranoia that I avoided most of their petty schemes and backstabbing. Still, I was having difficulties with keeping my place among his favorite fuck toys as time continued on mercilessly. Years of hard work were almost instantly ruined when she showed up.
The succubus with the curly ram horns and small bat wings came by, and Gluttony all but forgot us 'lesser' concubines. Since we took up too much space and resources to keep us healthy, we were all sentenced to the pit. And it was during our transport over to the volcano that all Hell broke loose.
Wicked daggers and whips came flying at us, and the enforcers stood next to no chance against the assault. The succubus that entertained Gluttony for a while was among those assaulting our captors, and many cackling imps had their fun tearing the throats out of those who tried to put up a fight to stop them from abducting us.
The handful of succubi leading this 'break out' quickly got the upper hand, riding upon the backs of those nightmarish horses who called themselves the umbrum, shadowy demons that pledged their services to the Seven Deadly Sins since time immemorial. And thus, I came to know the Lady of Lust and Debauchery, the archdemon of sex and matron of monsters: Lilith. She had many more titles, but to those serving her, we were simply instructed to call her mistress. Some even had the 'privilege' of calling her Mother .
Those who earned her favor were given the chance to prove their loyalty to her and the ways of the Lilin, the chosen children of the Mistress of Sin and Lust. And with that came the rebirth of becoming a succubus. As in, literal rebirth—it wasn't pretty, let me tell you. It was some proper alien shit with eggs and cocoons involved. It was gross and disgusting, but... if my time here in Hell taught me one thing, it was to take any chance I could get to stay in the good graces of those who called the shots. I wasn't dumb, and those who failed her test were met with an even grimmer fate than displeasing Gluttony. At least he didn't feed his dogs with those who could not please him.
It wasn't even a choice between serving her or failing the test and ending up as dog shit for thousands of years. And so, I was tasked with spending a night of passion with the queen of all demons. The tricky part about this? Getting her to cum. The mistress of all things horny was notorious for being able to last years without letting herself cum. Unless you knew how to trick her into letting her guard down.
Talking dirty to her and going hardcore on her was the obvious tactic most of the concubines from Gluttony tried to employ, and all of them failed more spectacularly than the last. Lilith wasn't at all impressed by that tactic. So I tried something else: I asked her what she would like me to do and treated her like a lover would. Every moan was a reward for my dedication, and every scream was an incentive for me to keep pleasing her to the best of my ability.
Her cries of ecstasy as she climaxed were like music to my ears, and I was rewarded with her gift. The ceremony was as depraved as you would expect from a bunch of succubi and incubi. Unlike those sycophants, I was just biding my time to make my grand escape from Hell, though. And for that to work, I would have to make a name for myself, a privilege not many succubi got to have. But I didn't need that bitch Lilith to give me one. All I needed was the ability to dream walk that every succubus possessed and a clueless summoner to drag me out of Hell in a summoning ritual.
As soon as I emerged from my fleshy cocoon of rebirth, I went to work. Alas, sadly, my plan to escape the confines of Hell failed multiple times. There were only so many ways to stay hidden in the mortal realms while you were either enslaved to a warlock or on the 'kill on sight' list of many religious zealots. Thankfully, Lilith was none the wiser of my schemes to leave her and all those she called her children behind for good.
My new family wasn't exactly the loving kind. My 'siblings' were downright bitches I would rather avoid at all costs. So, that was what I did, keeping my dalliances a secret in the hopes they wouldn't notice me trying to escape Hell for good. Even in Hell, I was the black sheep... or rather, the white sheep among a herd of demonic, murder-happy demon goat bats. As far as the other Overlords went, Lilith was the kindest one. Not the best, but certainly the most caring one if you overlooked the possessiveness I tried to escape while I was still a mortal on Earth. She was better than Gluttony, at least.
Soon enough, I started to be known as Ishtar, Goddess of Love and Sexuality, Fertility, and... a few other less important things. People would wage war over my sinfully sexy body, no matter what alternate reality of Earth they hailed from or from which era. Still, none tried binding me permanently to their mortal plane in fear of displeasing me, and my time was running out. The other daughters of Lilith were starting to notice something was up with me, but our 'dearest' mother took it as me being eager to fulfill my requirements of feeding on semen and sexual fluids of all kinds.
Hah! If only she knew. That bitch could choke on an imp's dick for all I cared. Those fuckers hurt like Hell (no pun intended). Stupid, barbed, needle-shaped acid spewers.
Despite my failures, I kept going, no matter how hopeless it seemed. I knew I was innocent; I just had to believe it. I wasn't the monster the angel pricks saw in me in their stupid Silver City. All I had to do was find the right summoner for my purposes. I knew with certainty that not a single version of Earth was safe for me, so I had to reach out beyond the known realms of God's creation. If I wanted out, I had to leave humanity behind for good.
It came as quite a surprise when, instead of me reaching out to the unknown, the unknown reached out to me first. As coincidence would have it, I felt the call of a summoner outside the known realms between Heaven and Hell, and I gladly accepted the call. I wasn't very picky; I only needed to get away for good. And get away, I did.
I was summoned to a rather interesting place. A place unlike anything I had ever seen. Right on time, too, just as my dear 'sisters' came to confront me about my duplicity.
The whirlwind of a summoning vortex took me away from my chambers in Lilith's castle. I found myself in a rather dark basement of a half-timbered house. It looked pretty lived-in, too, so I doubted it was just a relic of the past. More importantly, instead of my claw-like nails, I had... hooves? The front pair was smooth, dark red, and my hind legs sported the cloven hooves I had gotten used to in my succubus form. My wings were the same leathery bat wings; however, these seemed a lot larger in comparison (or was I just tinier? I still felt like my proportions were more or less similar to my humanoid form—I needed better reference material). And instead of my devil's tail, I now had a voluminous purple fly swatter in the form of a horse's tail. On my flanks was a stylized picture of a heart with devil features in a pentacle.
What the fuck is going on? I thought to myself, bewildered. Is this where the centaur people came from? Or are the rumors about the umbrum true, after all? Have I found Paradise Valley? No fucking way.
I looked at the only other pony in the basement with me. I doubted something so innocuous-looking could end up as one of those nightmarish fiends in Hell. But what did I know? I was a former human turned half-goat sex demon with bat features. Or a batpony sex demon now, I guessed.
Speaking of the other pony in the room, a flabbergasted look was on her(?) eggshell white muzzle as she stared at me with utter disbelief. Right. My newest summoner. Hopefully, she would be the last one if I played my cards right. I only needed her to bind me to this realm and somehow get rid of her afterward.
Speaking of binding me to this realm, I noticed a perfect circle drawn with chalk around where I stood (how cute). There was even a pentagram drawn between me and the outer edge as if it would make the summoning circle somehow contain me. There was no salt, candles, blood, or anything else aside from a small crystalline heart glowing with an ominous light.
I knew it was bad news for reasons I couldn't explain. Just being near that thing gave me existential dread worse than any amount of holy water could give me. Fucking religious zealots, I swear.
"It worked?" the dumb idiot asked, sounding very much feminine. Not that I would know what sex this pony had; there were some interesting variants of Earth out there that had a whole plethora of weird combinations between people's sex and gender. Let's just say women with dicks weren't all that weird when some humans had tentacles where no tentacles should be (among other things).
I frowned as the mare began to laugh to herself. Fucking Hell, she sounded worse than Lilith when she found a new toy to play with.
"Demon! I hereby order you to serve me!" the megalomaniac pony with weirdly big eyes called out, and I raised an eyebrow. She was a bit full of herself, wasn't she? I eyed the crystalline heart wearily. I might as well play along for now and humor her. After all, what could go wrong? There was no need to jeopardize my freedom just yet.
"And what do I get in turn?" I asked, already coming up with a scheme to screw her over in my head. This place would be the last place any of my so-called 'sisters' would look for me; it would be the ideal hiding place. I could finally break my unjust bonds to Hell and live a peaceful life without constantly having to worry about finding a dagger in the back of my neck. I hated it whenever that happened.
The pony mare in front of me blinked her light green eyes dumbly. "You get to serve me," she proclaimed as if it was obvious. I could tell she was not only arrogant but also narcissistic to boot. "Tch! Enough of that. Demon, I hereby name thee Ishtar,"—a sudden, mental spike of pain paralyzed me, and I found myself unable to move as a heavy iron collar was placed around my neck by her, constricting my windpipe uncomfortably—" and from now on, you will only respond when spoken to. You shall obey all my orders, whether verbal or implied. You will not go out of your way to harm me. Is that understood?"
The hold on me slackened ever so slightly, and I glared at my newest captor—so much for regaining my freedom and living a peaceful life away from the snake pit that was Hell. "Yes," I ground out with a sneer. Let's see how long that confidence of yours would last without a contract to—
"Sign this with your blood, servant," the bitch told me, and I was forced to bite my fetlock. I didn't get a chance to read the contents of the parchment before my black blood dribbled onto it, and it was taken away. Fuck...
I'll admit. This fool was cleverer than I gave her credit for, but surely she couldn't have thought of—
"From now on, you will listen to the name of Pleasure because that is all you desire to grant me," she interrupted my thoughts again, and I growled internally. I swear if she— "You will await my return here with the proper reverence befitting of a servant, and you will treat me as a lover should. You will not look at another pony and lust after them; that right is reserved for my body only."
The pale, eggshell white mare raised a brow at me as if expecting me to confirm her demands, and I nodded, a feeling of despair and arousal swirling in my guts. What else could she do to force me into servitude?
"Good," she said, a sinister glee in her eyes as her sea-green tail swished happily behind her. "Now, grant me the power to seduce other ponies so they may only love me as they should ."
How despicable could one pony(?) be? I was sure she was bound for a one-way ticket to Hell. And unlike me, her sins would drag her back to that fiery pit even if she managed to get summoned by a fool stupid enough to call out her name.
The ominous glowing crystal in the shape of a heart glowed more brightly as I relinquished my power of dream walking into it. The thing started to show cracks as I poured my aura of seduction into it next, and it broke into two halves as I gave it my power of compulsion. It still glowed, only now it had a fiendish red color to it, drawing the light of the surrounding area into it.
My new mistress took the two pieces and confirmed it was still working by forcing me to moan with need. Holy fuck! How could she already be so proficient in using it? Oh, dear God... she was a magic user, wasn't she? Shit.
I was forced to follow her to a dingy bed on the other side of the basement, and she presented me with her fishy-smelling snatch. I kept myself from gagging as she commanded me to pleasure her. The stupid contract she forced onto me made me enjoy it, too.
I was a prisoner in my own body as I licked and nibbled on her foul entrance. All the while, I was subjected to the most pathetic dirty talk I've ever heard from a mortal.
That was just the beginning of my new life in this land, which I would later learn was called Equestria. It was a land of many mysteries and legends, filled with creatures I previously thought to be made up. Among those, a pink pegasus I would find myself indebted to for eternity. A pink pegasus with a mysterious past.
There were worse things than that, right?
Chapter 001 - A mare named Cadance.
It went on like that for weeks. Months, even. The mare, whose name I learned was Prismia, quickly seized control over the little hamlet she had summoned me to. And she let me know how much of that was due to her skills and not what she had stolen from me.
I could tell the bitch had some serious trust issues with jealousy and self-worth problems thrown on top of it. She claimed it was only due to her being so popular among those she forced to revere her instead of the necklace she wore, compelling them to adore her. She took fucking pride in being a 'beloved neighborhood citizen' and gaslit herself into believing she wasn't anything but a petty tyrant.
All the while, I was paraded around like an obedient pet on a leash, having to endure the disdain of 'everypony' around me. I often found my coat sullied with rotten tomatoes and foul eggs (among other less pleasant things). They blamed me for their suffering while still kissing the ground Prismia walked on as if she were a goddess. If only they knew the reason why they found their lives to be so miserable all of a sudden.
Every day, I was forced to pleasure Prismia as she got progressively worse. She was actively draining the love out of those innocent ponies, robbing them of their life force to make herself young and beautiful again. And in the meantime, I was starting to starve as I was unable to feed on sexual energy due to the fucking contract.
I would have taken the first chance I got to return to Hell at this point, seriously. Punishment be damned; everything would have been better than this enslavement to a wannabe warlock. At least I knew Lilith wouldn't let me starve like this. Even my sisters wouldn't be that cruel, backstabbing notwithstanding.
Before long, the whole hamlet was falling into disrepair as chaos and hatred reigned. With no love in their hearts left, the ponies of this community turned on each other and committed the worst kind of crime there was: cold-hearted murder. Foals and old ponies alike were killed for the pettiest reasons, such as theft and jealousy or mere annoyance and other such grievances. Mares and stallions were openly raping each other out on the streets while Prismia sat on her overly gaudy throne admiring a statue made in her likeness, only with a horn and two large, feathery wings. A symbol of power and royalty in this world, as I learned from her gloating.
She was anything but that. She was a witch who corrupted everything she touched to the utmost. And I enabled her to do so because I was too stupid and eager to escape Hell. This was all my fault. I should have been wiser and more cautious. I should have expected a trap and not underestimated her.
There was next to no resistance from the ponies that fell under her spell, and I was powerless to watch as those who tried were torn to pieces by her sycophants. Or so I thought would happen to the pink pegasus mare leading the rebels in a fight against Prismia's oppression. Things were about to change drastically for me one year after my initial arrival in this world, I could tell.
Cadance. I've seen the pegasus mare around every so often. She always gave me this pitiful look as if she felt this kind of kinship with me. A shared suffering, a deep-seated loneliness. It was like her heart cried out to mine, and... it baffled me. Why would this mare look at me this way when everyone else seethed at the mere sight of me? For some reason, she was different. She didn't see a monster in me. She treated me like a person, someone on an equal level. It was a first for me, to be honest. No one else ever did.
Somehow, she managed to escape her gruesome fate and instead tackled the witch off her throne when she confronted her about her wrongdoings. In the ensuing struggle, the pink pegasus somehow tore off Prismia's necklace. The thing flew close to where I was forced to sit still, and my heart leaped in my chest. For the first time in a very long while, I felt a spark of hope ignite in my chest.
Now more than ever, I wished I could move freely and help the pink pegasus. Alas, I was still bound to the contract, and that wouldn't change so soon with Prismia alive and breathing.
It was too bad that not one pony came to Prismia's aid, then. No, instead, the opposite was the case. She kicked Cadance off of her, only to find herself being dogpiled by a bunch of murderous ponies with no love left in them for her. Cadance fluttered away from the bloodbath over to where I was shackled to the throne and the necklace that was not too far away from me.
The pink mare frowned at me in concern. "Are you okay?" she asked, and I found out I could move again. If only I wasn't still bound to the throne and in the vicinity of a bunch of colorful, murder-happy ponies out for blood. That... was not a thing I ever thought I would have to deal with.
Life was strange—really strange. There was Heaven, Hell, the supernatural, the wicked, the undead, magic, and now, ponies. What was next, I wondered? Fairies and eldritch horrors?
I looked at Cadance, unable to figure out why she was so friendly to me when her peers were currently trampling Prismia flatter than a pancake. That, and me being a demon, obviously. I wasn't exactly high on the list of beings a mortal would befriend, pony or not. Yet, here she was, concerned for my well-being. She really was an enigma, wasn't she? "Are you seriously asking me that?"
Cadance examined my state of malnutrition and winced. It didn't help that I currently reeked of rotten vegetables and foul eggs, either. Let's not mention the other stuff, shall we? "I, uh—Right. Sorry."
I scowled. "Why are you being so nice to me, anyway?" I asked, scratching at an itch in my dirty coat. Prismia didn't give me many chances to bathe. Or move at all while the itchiness was driving me crazy (aside from my hunger doing so, as well). Having fur sucked.
"You looked like you needed a friend," she told me with a small smile while shyly rubbing her foreleg with a hoof. "I have no idea what kind of pony you are, but nopony deserves to be treated so poorly."
...was she for real? I was a fucking demon , and here she was, trying to comfort me. In what kind of bullshit fairy tale did I find myself here? No one was that kind. I glanced over to the pile of murderous ponies and raised a brow. "Shouldn't you make a run for it? That mob of angry ponies won't be distracted for much longer with what remains of Prismia."
Cadance blinked before turning her head in the direction I pointed at and quickly paled. "Oh, dear Celestia..." she exclaimed while she made a distressed, retching sound. "W-what do I do?!"
She wasn't a very bright one, was she? "How about you run?" I proposed dryly in a deadpan. Instead of doing just that, though, she turned back to me with panic, trying to find a way to get the shackles off me. There wasn't a keyhole on any of them. Trust me, I knew. "What are you doing..?" I asked her, and she snorted as if it was obvious.
"Trying to save you!" she told me before grabbing a rock, intent on trying to smash the chains instead. Not that that would have done me any good (or her, for that matter). I was in no condition to run, much less use my wings to fly.
"Hey," I said, forcing her to look at me. "Don't be a fool and save yourself. There's no way I would make it far before they caught up to me. Go. I will be fine."
Cadance sniffled. "Don't lie to me," she said with a watery voice, trying her hardest to break the chain while our time was running out. The rock was far too small and already started breaking into even smaller pieces. "I-I won't leave you here to be mauled to death by what are supposed to be my friends and family !"
I looked at her with pity. Prismia might have taken my freedom, but she took everything away from this poor girl. "It's okay," I told her as gently as possible. "At least I get to be free of my torment. You can still save yourself. Don't waste your future on me."
Cadance shook her head, rubbing her eyes with the back of her leg. "No," she said, glaring at me with determination. "I won't leave you behind. You deserve to be happy, too."
I shifted on my legs and felt my heart stir at her passionate words. A feeling of warmth spread within me, and yet, I couldn't let her do this to herself and her future. The murder-happy ponies were starting to stop their frenzied fighting as a few remembered I was still chained to the throne, and I resigned myself to my fate. I won't let the same be true for Cadance, though.
The chain was just long enough for me to stand between her and the frothing mob. So, I strained against the pull of the chain, spread my wings as wide as possible to make myself the bigger target, and kicked her weakly away from where I was. I looked back at her with a smirk just as the first pony slammed into me.
"No!" she screamed as the second pony reached me. The rest were turning to face the new commotion, and it wouldn't be long until they dogpiled me next.
The second pony flung me closer to where I had kicked Cadance in the hopes her flight instincts would kick in. She would have just enough time to do so while the first and second pony started fighting over who would get to turn me into horse lasagna next. Only now did I realize that one of her wings had an awkwardly bent primary feather from her fight with Prismia, and she was favoring one of her hind legs over the other. She wouldn't be able to fly, and she wouldn't be able to outrun the mob now that they took notice of us. We were both screwed.
Any moment now, a victor would emerge, and I was in no condition to defend the pink pegasus from their wrath. Fuck. If only I wasn't so pathetically weak right now...
Cadance grabbed me against her chest as she screwed her eyes shut, tears running down the side of her head. "Why..?" I asked, still unsure why she wouldn't save herself while she had the chance. Even with a bad leg and a bent primary feather, she could have made it as long as I distracted them long enough.
She laughed a bitter laugh. "I felt bad for you," she said, not noticing the glow of the necklace intensifying right next to us. "You were forced to be her slave, and nopony ever showed you any compassion and love." I blinked as she smiled, and at that moment, she looked like an angel to me. A genuine angel, not one of those pricks God left in charge of Heaven.
I gulped, suddenly nervous. Was I blushing? My face felt kind of warm. And my heart... I've never felt it quiver like that. "I—"
Right as I opened my muzzle to respond, the world around us turned white before the horde of ponies could jump us. There was a sound of crystal cracking and an explosion of energy, then... nothing. Cadance still held onto me while I was trying to clear the spots from my vision. Things felt peaceful and serene for the first time in my life. I could feel her gasp long before my healing factor caught up with repairing the damage to my retinas and eardrums. I didn't quite feel as icky anymore and noticed I was clean again. Huh. Weird.
Cadance let go of me as we stared in wonder and confusion at where we suddenly found ourselves. It was unlike Heaven, Hell, Earth, or the world I had been summoned to. This place was ethereal, for lack of a better word. Shiny, floating lights passed us by as we sat on a trail of fairy lights, or what I would describe as fairy lights since these couldn't possibly be stars. Or would will-o'-the-wisp describe them even better?
"Where are we?" Cadance murmured, astonished. I hummed with a frown, never having heard of a realm quite like this one. The royal library in Lilith's domain did not mention a place like this (even counting the restricted section or her secret vault), so I doubted it was a creation of God.
"Certainly not the afterlife," I scowled, swatting away a light that came too close for comfort. "I doubt even Lucifer fucking Morningstar has heard of this place. No idea about the rest of the angel pricks, but this doesn't look like a realm born from grace. There's no holy light. No comforting warmth. No soothing invigoration." And I wasn't screeching in pain from angels trying to smite me , for that matter.
"Grace?" Cadance asked me, and I rolled my eyes.
"Heavenly magic, the opposite of infernal energy that... I... draw... strength from," I told her, turning back to her before stopping in my tracks.
"What?" she asked as she noticed me staring at her. "Do I have something on my face..?" she asked, reaching a hoof up to feel for any abnormalities. It caught on the side of her head as it encountered a golden, curly ram horn, and she froze. Then she frantically ran her hooves over it while turning her head around uselessly in the hopes of catching a glimpse of it. That's when she saw her right wing, now a leathery bat wing instead of her usual feathery appendage. She shrieked, falling on her backside.
"Well... I will be," I muttered, not having expected to see her changed like that.
"What happened to me?!" she asked me, on the verge of panicking. I shuffled over to her and forced her to stop, helping her back up. I enveloped her in my large, membranous bat wings, hoping it would comfort her.
I had a theory, but I couldn't be sure of it. It was supposed to be impossible, but she was a mysterious mare. "I guess the explosion from Prismia's necklace unleashed the stolen succubus powers along with the love she stole," I told her, noticing her blush from her muzzle being so close to mine. I smirked. "With you right next to me, some of it must have gone into you."
"Is that what you are?" she asked, and I tilted my head. "A succubus?"
"You're just noticing it now?" I asked back with a demonic purr. "My, my, and here I thought my 'cutie mark' would have given me away."
"Hush, you," Cadance admonished me, still blushing up a storm. "So does that mean Prismia..?"
"She summoned me from Hell and forced me to sign a contract with blood," I said with a shrug. Gotta make sure I couldn't be summoned by some fucking wannabe warlock ever again, now that I was properly free. Maybe Cadance would bind me to a new contract? She didn't seem like the type to screw me over, but you never knew for certain. Cadance looked at me in pity, and I turned away. "Don't dwell on it. I'm no longer beholden to serve her, and with you countering the twisted love-stealing spell on her necklace, everything should be back to how it was before."
"Aside from the damage she inflicted on my village," Cadance muttered, ears splaying back against her head. "And me appearing to share some of your characteristics now."
"Not just some," I guessed, glancing at the image on her flanks. She followed my gaze and gasped once more. Her cutie mark had a noticeable 'demonic' touch to it. The crystal heart was fairly regular, appearing just like Prismia's necklace before it was corrupted with my energies, but that was the only thing about it that was 'normal.' Much like my own cutie mark, hers had the typical devil's tail hugging the heart while two demon horns sat on top of it. Around it were two golden filigrees and above it a shimmering halo. As in, it glowed on her flanks.
"Does that mean..?" she whispered, too stunned to finish the question.
I shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. The presence of a halo stumps me since it should be an antithesis to the infernal energies. Still, those horns and the tail are a surefire sign of you having gained succubus heritage."
"Oh..." she said lamely, and I was tempted to snort. She was an interesting pony; I had to give it to her. She was beautiful, too—nice, kind, pure.
She didn't deserve any of this. It was my responsibility to make things right, even if it was only to lend an ear to listen to her worries. Besides, there was nothing wrong with a bit of succubus heritage, right?
"Don't worry," I reassured her, and she looked at me uncertainly. "At most, you're a half-breed, so I don't know for certain whether or not you would have to feed off of sexual energy. You might have inherited some of my dream walking abilities, aura of seduction, and the power of compulsion. That's everything Prismia forced me to give up." Though what else she had slumbering within herself, I couldn't tell.
Cadance sighed. "At least that's not too bad," she said, going back to studying herself. Her left side looked mostly unchanged, so there was that. Her eyes looked as they did before she was involuntarily changed, as well. As for her teeth, she still had her typical pony teeth, but some looked noticeably sharper, while she had a cute little pair of fangs on the bottom and upper row. They were considerably smaller than mine and were almost unnoticeable unless you paid attention to them. Any internal changes would have to wait until we found a way back to her hometown. Not that I knew how. "What now?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I cannot even begin to guess how we got here, much less what kind of place this is," I answered. I gestured at the starry road. "We could always follow the path."
"Are you good to walk?" she asked me, and I tested the strength of my limbs. Nothing felt too weak, so I took a few practice steps.
"I guess the release of energy must have given me a boost," I theorized, not having any trouble moving. "I should be good for a little while. Still hungry as fuck, but I can manage." Nothing new there, anyway. Being hungry was par for the course for a succubus.
"D-do you, uhm... do you need to feed?" Cadance questioned me, her muzzle a beet red.
Her question made me smirk. "Are you offering~?" I asked back with a husky voice. Her wings shot open stiffly, and I cackled. "How old are you, anyway? Judging a pony's age is kind of difficult. You look all the same to me, aside from the foals and the old and wrinkly ones."
"...t-twenty-four?" she said, sounding more unsure of herself than anything. She wilted a bit and chewed on her lip. "I don't know for sure. I was found as a filly by a pair of earthponies, so your guess is as good as mine. I have lived with them for eighteen years, and we just assumed I was six before they found me. I can't remember how I ended up alone in the forest."
"So, probably more like twenty-two at the very least," I hummed. Then, I shrugged. "Works for me. I've been summoned by younger wannabe warlocks before."
"H-how old are you, if I may ask?" Cadance asked with an even worse blush. Damn, she was friggin' cute.
"Hmm. That depends on who you ask, but... probably about two thousand years by now," I mused. Her eyes bugged out, and I chuckled. "Yeah. Time works differently in Hell. It exists more or less at the end of time, so this is kind of like time traveling for me. For all I know, you could have been born before I did. This reality exists outside the bounds of Heaven and Hell, so I couldn't even begin to guess what celestial year we have."
"If you say so," she said, a little bit overwhelmed by that revelation. I wasn't better off once I learned about the reality of Hell and Heaven existing outside of the loop. Technically, those existed before everything else, but only the big archdemons were there to witness the birth of the universe as we knew it. Every other demon came into existence once existence technically ended after judgment day. The apocalypse hasn't even happened yet, but in a way, it did. It was a headache to wrap your head around.
"Come on," I said, putting an end to that topic for now. "Let's see where this path leads to—"
I didn't get further than that before I bumped into something. I turned my head only to see white. Fur, my mind provided so helpfully for me. I turned my head upward only to see the pony I stumbled into looking down at me with steely magenta eyes. Great.
"And who might you be?" the owner of said magenta eyes asked me with a certain tenseness I associated with religious zealots. The hatred for demons was almost universal in all of them. Well... fuck.
"Forbidden Pleasure," I lied, going with the name Prismia gave me, adding my own twist to it. Never let it be said demons couldn't be creative. Not that it was particularly imaginative, to begin with.
"And what is a demon doing in the Realm of Ascension?"
The realm of what now?
"P-Princess!" Cadance exclaimed, taking her attention away from me. This 'Princess' pony that could only be the ruler of the land I was summoned to turned her head to regard my only friend in this mess. The big mare didn't relax her muscles, though. "I—"
"A demon and a half-breed, how curious. I have no idea how you managed to get here, but you should leave. Now ."
"But..." Cadance started, only to wilt, shivering with fear. Fucking Hell.
"I don't want to hear it. Your kind is not welcome here in my world," Celestia said, beginning to scowl. "I won't ask again. Leave now or face the—"
"Oh, shut the fuck up, bitch," I snarled, a demonic growl leaving me as I stood protectively in front of the only pony who had ever been kind to me. "She is innocent. She saved an entire village from a vile sorceress because it was the right thing to do. She saved me from enslavement out of the goodness of her heart. I won't allow you to talk to her like that. Take your grievances out on me, not her."
Princess Celestia regarded me with a stony face before quirking a brow at us. "Is that so?"
"..." Cadance stayed silent while I continued to glare up at the holier-than-thou bitch.
"I'm sure you're willing to prove your words, then?"
"And how are we meant to do that?" I asked with a snort, wary.
"I have my ways, but you must be honest," she told us. "Before we do that, though, I insist you tell us your True Name, demon."
I tensed up, sneering. "So you can command me around like that bitch, Prismia?" I snarled. "Forget it."
"I won't," Celestia claimed, glaring back at me. "But you will sign a contract that you will not speak a word of this place to another soul. I cannot let the secrets of this place fall into the wrong hooves—or claws, as the case might be for your hideous ilk. I hid it for a reason."
I relaxed marginally but didn't let my guard down. She wasn't wrong to mistrust me, though I was not as awful as my so-called 'brethren.' Cadance placed a hoof on my shoulder, and I sighed, slumping down on my haunches. Ugh. Fuck me. "Fine," I ground out. "I am the 'adopted' daughter of Lilith herself, the Matron of all Monsters. I am the Lilin Ishtar, Goddess of Sexuality and Love. That is all you need to hear. My sins are my own burden to bear."
The big mare turned an appraising eye on Cadance and the pink... nephilim? As impossible as it was, that's what she was now, wasn't she? My friend gulped, rubbing her leg uncomfortably. "I-I'm C-Cadance, Y-Your Highness."
"Just 'Cadance'?"
"Y-yes?"
"Very well, then. In exchange for your names and the promise to never utter a word of this place to another soul, I, Celestia Solaris Sol, grant you the chance to prove your claim and earn your place among my kind. You will not harm your fellow citizens or the crown unless in self-defense or the defense of your country. You will abide by all laws and contribute to a better future like any other pony for as long as you live and walk among my kind. If you ever break this vow without my permission, you will be banished from returning to this world unless I allow you to return. Is that understood?" Celestia asked and I nodded with heavy reluctance. There were loopholes in the wording of this contract. Still, the implication was there that even trying to exploit them would result in an instant ban from Equestria, thus forcing me to go back to Hell and the snake pit that awaited me there.
Celestia looked at Cadance next, and the mare next to me gulped, nodding shakily. "Good. Follow me."
There was no physical contract signed with our blood and True Name, but somehow, I sensed that this place served as a witness to our vow. We were bound by our word to abide by it or suffer the consequences; Cadance as much as I.
Celestia led us further down the path before sending a spark toward the floating orbs of light. Images appeared next to us, looking like comically large television screens as we passed them by. Each one showed a scene of our lives. Cadance's on the right, mine on the left.
I scowled at the scene of my unjust sentence, the fucking twat of an angel taking the word of my ex over my own as he sentenced me to an eternity of torment in Hell without a second glance. Heck, he didn't even look my way as he slammed the gavel down while muttering a melodic 'Guilty.' If I ever got the chance, I was going to rip his fucking throat out before stuffing his dick up his own ass.
Celestia frowned at the same image while Cadance watched in horror at everything I had to endure following my sentence. It wasn't anything special to me anymore, but my heart stirred a little bit at seeing her react so strongly for my sake. She really was the kindest pony I had ever come across.
Before long, we came upon the images of Prismia enslaving me and the subsequent turn for the worse as she got her hooves on my powers. It wasn't pretty what Cadance had to endure because of that.
Suffice it to say, she wasn't a virgin anymore, and let's leave it at that. The following pictures explained how she came to be the leader of the rebellion, her surrogate parents murdered by the asshole that abused her trust. I watched in satisfaction as that very same asshole was murdered in turn by his actual marefriend he cheated on, and things only got uglier from there. Princess Celestia didn't say anything, but I could tell she was furious with what Prismia did to the little hamlet in the middle of nowhere.
Next came the pictures of me being bound to Prismia's throne and Cadance confronting her. I even saw Sunbutt smile faintly in satisfaction as the witch got what she deserved. Then she frowned again as the Cadance in the pictures came to my aid, refusing to leave a demon like me alone to save herself. Celestia watched regretfully as she saw my valiant effort to buy her enough time to escape, only for Cadance to stick by my side.
And then came the moment when Cadance showed compassion and love to a creature undeserving of it. The necklace's two halves exploded, releasing the stolen love from the ponies Prismia abused and the succubus powers she stole from me. One-half of my powers went into Cadance, while the other half returned to me (and a good amount of sexual energy to tide me over for a few days, possibly more).
Princess Celestia sighed. "I feel like apologies are in order," she hummed, a forlorn and distant gaze in her eyes. "It seems I let my prejudices get the better of me. Again."
I glanced at the tall mare while Cadance fidgeted anxiously next to me. "Look, Lady," I began with a frown. "You aren't the first and certainly not the last to treat me like I'm less worth than dirt. I've done things that probably deserve a worse reaction than that, but a girl has gotta do what a girl must to survive in Hell. If you really want to make it up to me, apologize to Cadance for how you reacted to her."
"I truly am sorry," she said, nodding at me and then at Cadance. "To both of you. Neither of you deserved to go through what you did."
I scoffed. "Whatever," I muttered while Cadance accepted Cellybutt's apology with a shy nod. Stupid, compassionate ponies. "Now, what's so important about this place anyway? Because I've got no idea why it's such a sour topic that you needed to force a contract on us if showing us our shitty past is all it does."
"It does much more than that, Ishtar," Princess Celestia said, and I shuddered at her casual use of my name. "It is here that Gods and Goddesses are born anew. This place grants worthy ponies a life of eternal youth and incredible power."
"Uh-huh," I drawled, unimpressed. So does Hell, minus the worthiness part. Only the archdemons held that kind of power, and very few gave it to lesser demons like me.
"Don't be so sour, Pleasure," Cadance nudged me, and I rolled my eyes. "Can you tell us more, Princess?"
The big sun goose swan horse nodded with a smile, amused by our interaction. "The reason why I don't want this place to become common knowledge is that it exists outside of time and creation. Attune it to the correct dimension, and in the wrong hooves, it could prevent entire universes from coming into existence... or gods."
I stumbled over my hooves as my eyes went wide. "Are you serious?!"
"I'm afraid I'm not joking, Ishtar," Princess Celestia answered me, a heavy weight evident in her voice. "We stand at the beginning of all there is; both Heaven and Hell won't exist for quite some time as long as we stay here."
I'm pretty sure I was doing my best to impersonate a fish right now, unable to comprehend the true implications of this. Cadance raised her hoof next to me as if she were in a classroom waiting for the teacher to call on her.
"Yes, Cadance?"
"If we are at the beginning of... well... time , how come we could look at our past if it hasn't happened yet?
Princess Celestia smiled, likely proud that Cadance thought to ask that question while the answer was pretty obvious. "Because it has already happened."
I rolled my eyes and explained further for Cadance. "Since we lived through it, it has become a fixed point in time, writing the event into existence." The pink mare made an 'Oh' face at that.
Sunbutt nodded. "Yes. While that is true, this place merely draws from your memories. Aside from what you know has happened, it cannot tell what will happen. You yourself are linked to your time of origin while this place is not."
My eyelid twitched, and I ignored the look of mischief on her muzzle. I was not about to play mind games with that bitch. Fucking Hell.
"Okay..." Cadance said, struggling to understand the idea that time itself hadn't even happened yet for every other universe out there. And yet, she was linked back to when she disappeared from her own universe. "So... what now? How do we go back? Do we have to wait if our universe doesn't exist yet, or..?"
Princess Celestia tittered. "No, nothing quite so dramatic, dear. There are two ways to go forward from this point. You will have to make a choice. Both of you," she hummed, turning to face us with that fucking serene façade of hers. "I'm putting a lot of trust in you, and I hope it won't be misplaced. I'm uncertain how this process will affect you, but you will become an aspect of life itself, should you accept the burden of upholding order among creation."
"What are you saying..?" I asked her, suspicious. "You aren't seriously going to grant us—"
"I do," she interrupted me while my heart leaped into my throat, a bead of nervous sweat rolling down my forehead. "And I will. Both of you seek something that only ascension can grant you. Freedom, love, helping those around you... that is only the beginning of the list. I'm sure you won't abuse the power I'm willing to grant you after everything I have seen of you. But know this: there are things out there that put Heaven and Hell to shame. There is a reason why I keep my world so isolated from the rest of creation. The nightmares lurking in the abyss make anything you know of look tame in comparison."
I gulped and shared a look with Cadance. Holy fuck. What could possibly be worse than Heaven and Hell? I didn't even want to imagine it, but I would take it if it gave me an out of ever having to go back to those places.
Cadance smiled at me, and I felt a flutter in my chest. I averted my gaze, trying not to blush, and together, we gave Princess Celestia a nod. Sunbutt gave us a kind smile in turn. She did something I could only describe as truly divine, and the light show that followed felt like a burden taken from me while a new one was placed on me. I didn't feel all that different, the only difference being that I didn't feel as hungry anymore. That, and I felt a whole new mastery over my powers as I opened my eyes again.
Cadance and I weren't in the weird, floaty place anymore. Instead, we were back in the little hamlet without a name in the middle of nowhere. Ponies were tidying things up from the aftermath of Prismia while some were staring at us with guilt and shame.
The biggest, most significant difference was in Cadance's appearance. Both of us were slightly taller than we were before, but her eyes had gained an inner glow that emitted a feeling akin to fledgling grace.
Meanwhile, Cadance blushed heavily as she noticed the newest addition to our anatomy. Succubi and incubi were known shapeshifters, so I wasn't entirely surprised to feel a dick between my legs where my clitoris should have been, but I guess it was the baseline for our new bodies now. No balls, though. Shame about that. All the jokes I could have made...
I looked at the raging boner Cadance sported, and she gave me a half-hearted glare. "Don't. Say. A. Word."
"I wasn't going to~," I teased her, cackling like a mad demon. I had to say, pony cocks looked far more pleasurable than an imp's dick, that was for sure. And hers was already glistening with precum while her tail stood at attention, stiff as a flag pole. Oh, my. She's got it bad, damn . I wouldn't mind letting her work off some steam with me underneath her~.
A crackling pop and flash of light announced the arrival of one Princess Celestia, a.k.a. the sun goose swan horse herself, Princess Sun in the Butt, and Cadance quickly hid her body's arousal behind two hooves. I couldn't help but cackle in glee as the taller mare gave us a raised brow while everypony else pretty much prostrated themself before her.
This would be a fantastic start to a new life; I could already tell~.
I had my fun at Cadance's expense, and soon after that, she had hers at mine as she flicked her tail sharply against my flanks, and I neighed . I fucking neighed! At least I didn't bleat like a fucking goat. I was sure that would have killed her—stupid Cadance. I swear, I would get her back for making me do that.
Anyway, Princess Celestia sent a weird magic flare into the sky that would last until canceled, telling us that the royal guard would be able to locate it and send help for the victims of Prismia's reign of terror. Then, the topic changed to one a bit less pleasant.
I never would have agreed with her proposal if I had known it came with the requirement of learning how to be a princess. I wasn't into politics; I had enough of that in the snake pit Lilith called her palace, but at least we weren't expected to take over the nation since Princess Sunnybutt was immortal herself. Still, politics and nobles, ugh.
Cadance wasn't looking forward to it any more than I did, but at least I had the advantage of being used to it. That, and I could spot lies and deception from a mile away. Oh, I was going to teach her the ways of insulting nobles and their worthless progeny and then some .
However, from what Princess Celestia told us, nobles in this world were merely petty brats seeking popularity instead of the kind that would hire an assassin to stick a knife in your back instead of doing it themselves. While that was a relief, there was still the danger of them utterly ruining your reputation if you got on their wrong side. So, first thing first, I was going to get dirt on them to ensure they didn't get any dumb ideas. I could deal with their shit better than Cadance, so I would make sure to draw their attention away from her and unto me instead.
Hence, I planned to teach Cadance how to create a visage for herself ASAP . She wouldn't last a day being accused of being the spawn of a demon, even though she had enough grace to manifest a holy aura as long as she didn't keep it suppressed. She was pretty much alone in figuring out that part of her heritage since I was a motherfucking demon and Princess Sunnybutt was a deity of the sun. Her kind of magic went from light to heat to death lasers, and that was it. Well... that and regular unicorn magic (and something called alicorn magic—I had no idea what the difference was, but I'll take the big sun goose swan horse's word for it). None of that would do us any good, though. Not without some training (for which we didn't have the time on such short notice, so... big bad demon shapeshifting it was).
We agreed that we should appear as Princess Celestia's long-lost nieces for our mortal disguises and be treated as alicorn royalty (something about an ancient law making all alicorns royalty or something). The story was easy enough to sell, so I shrugged and went with it.
The disguises themselves wouldn't hold up to scrutiny against someone who knew what to look out for, but demon hunters were practically nonexistent in this world, anyway. 'Aunty' Celestia told us that nopony would even be looking for shapeshifters since the last known race to be capable of it had been sealed away in a volcano or something. I was sure they did something terrible to deserve it.
I could tell these changelings were probably lesser demons related to flies that fed on love (or something along those lines, anyway). Cadance was mildly disturbed to know those kinds of demons existed, but as far as changelings replacing loved ones went, they were pretty tame compared to... well... every other demon, to be honest.
I wasn't worried about any of the more problematic demons finding us here, and even if one of them did, they sure as Hell wouldn't bother with little old me. What I was more worried about was where Prismia got a motherfucking book of demon summoning from. It was very suspicious; it mentioned most of the Lilin's True Names and even the lower rabble struggling for power in the City of Lust and Debauchery.
That wasn't all there was to it, though. No, it also went on for the other Deadly Sins and lesser Overlords. Our 'aunt' quickly confiscated it before I could memorize all of them in case I would need to use their names in the future, but considering I wanted to stay the Hell away from Hell, it wasn't too big of a loss to me.
But enough of that. Cadance and the rest of the little hamlet held a little ceremony for the deceased that evening, and I watched on with impassive eyes as I held the crying nephilim in a wing hug. I didn't know any of these ponies personally, but a crying girl was a crying girl. If they meant something to her, then I would bear the awkwardness of sitting in on a relatively private occasion and give her a shoulder to cry on while she was mourning.
It was especially difficult for her to say goodbye to her surrogate parents, as she had no one left to call family aside from 'Aunty' Celestia and myself. In a loose sense of the word because I sure as fuck wouldn't call her my niece, sister, daughter, or whatever the fuck else. I wasn't going to do that. Nope. No way. Never.
I did feel something akin to protectiveness over her. I wasn't sure what I felt for her just yet, but I glared at the few stallions checking her out with the full might of my devil's gaze. Even while disguised as an alicorn, ominously glowing red eyes were kind of my thing. That, and the satisfaction of them almost pissing their nonexistent pants.
Cadance told me to stop scaring the living daylights out of 'random' ponies, but that didn't stop me from doing it behind her back. Fuck those slimeballs lusting after her cute, pink body, seriously. She was way too good for all of them combined.
Aside from the whole 'looking like a fifteen-year-old teenager again' to sell the story our 'aunt' fabricated, the trip over to Canterlot was pretty much uneventful. It was only mildly frustrating teaching Cadance about abilities she had never had before. Still, she got the hang of them pretty quickly (after I threatened her with the fear of being ostracized for being part demon in a relatively conservative part of the country, that is).
She went with a similar appearance age-wise as I did to make the story of us being 'foalhood friends' more believable. Whoever came up with these ponyisms could go fuck a cactus, seriously. They were nothing short of ridiculous, in my opinion. Weirdly adorable but still absurd.
At first, 'Aunty' Tia wanted us to appear like little fillies, but I wasn't about to abstain from sex for over a decade just because it would give us more time to adapt to being pretty pony princesses without the expectations placed on us of acting like ponies befitting royalty. Fuck that shit.
Ultimately, we reached a compromise to look like teenagers on the cusp of being young adults. It would give us enough time to learn proper etiquette and whatnot while not subjecting us to the belittlement children had to deal with (for the most part, anyway). And you know... not being allowed to touch myself inappropriately. I would have to keep my hooves to myself for the time being, but I could survive without sex for a short while.
...pfft, yeah, right. As if I was going to become all innocent and shit now. I would cause mischief whether 'Aunty' Sunnybum wanted me to or not.
Creating a visage was somewhat complex yet also relatively straightforward, in a way. It was easy enough to change into something familiar, and age wasn't too hard to alter, either (at least for the first time). Trying to revert it to a specific age was more challenging, though.
A visage was a representation of oneself as a different species or gender. Once created, it would 'remember' its previous state and 'grow' each time it was reapplied. It made things considerably easier, not having to worry about every little detail every time I woke up in the morning.
There were some things I was limited to that Cadance wasn't, for example. She was an impossible oddity—a paradox—in that she was both part angel and part demon, so she could (if she wanted to) appear cherubic or demonic in nature while I was locked to infernal and regular mortal appearances. Some part of my visage would always give away my fiendish nature, but it was less of a problem here in Equestria for entirely coincidental reasons, I swear.
Apparently, batponies existed, and they looked like how I did as a mortal pony here. How convenient.
By the time we made it to Canterlot, Aunty Celestia had to 'raise the moon' and 'lower the sun' and I challenged her to prove her claim that she actually did throw a burning ball of gas and a big ass rock around the orbit of this world. Turns out, for once, she wasn't full of shit as she made the descent look like a ticking clock. It was hilarious to see—more so, the panic of the populace as our chariot moved through the main road leading up to the castle. It was mainly meant to show us off to the ponies living here before we would be crowned as—ugh... princesses —but also to give us an idea of what city life looked like in the capital.
Snobby. That was the main takeaway I got from my first glance. It was snobby and boring, and fuck , their style was worse than Lilith's on a good day. Suffice it to say, I wasn't looking forward to socializing with these ponies after the coronation was over. The only ray of hope I had was maybe seducing one or two ponies for a romp in the hay, but even then, I looked like jailbait at the moment. No way in fucking ever would I go for someone underage, so my chances were rather slim of getting laid without dropping my visage and ruining the whole charade.
Fuck 'Aunt' Celestia and her foresight to suggest that we look like fifteen-year-olds (after failing to convince us to look like preschool kids). I was this close to throwing caution out the window and making a teenage colt very lucky, but I wasn't about to go weak the first day I was properly free from Hell and my succubus hunger. I had standards, believe it or not. Standards I just made up, but still.
Once we were at the castle (or palace, rather), Aunt Celestia showed us the throne room—which looked a thousand times nicer than Lilith's, by the way—before moving on to the kitchen and dining room, where we first met the obstacle called 'Sunset Shimmer.' The girl glared at us so intensely that I was half certain there would be afterimages of us burned into her retinas. Whatever her deal with us was, I was sure we would get to feel it sooner rather than later.
Bring it on, Bitch. I would fuck you over if you made Cadance cry, I swear. They would never find your body; I would make sure of it.
Anyway! There was also the brat called 'Prince' Blueblood, but he was a bag of hot air and nothing more. Easily cowed if he was foolish enough to try something (such as hitting on Cadance, for example).
Dinner was obviously vegetarian, but I dutifully ate my veggies without complaint (I would still have to eat physical food to keep healthy, even though my succubus hunger was no longer a problem). They weren't half bad, only lacking a light sprinkling of cum , in my opinion. Blueblood's face was hilarious as I voiced as much to 'Aunt' Celestia when she asked us how our food was. She took it with a calm face, not showing any hint of surprise or disgust, while Sunset sneered at me like I was a whore (which I was, to be fair), and Cadance blushed brightly while her wings shot open stiffly. I kept my gleeful cackle to myself and continued as if nothing unusual had happened.
The rest of the tour included a short stop at the library to show us where we could study and learn and do our assigned reading (there would be lessons to accompany those, of course) and a quick detour to the little filly's room for Cadance's sake.
Last but not least, 'Aunt' Celestia showed us our new rooms, which would later be embellished with our cutie marks to indicate which room belonged to whom. They wouldn't show our real cutie marks as that wouldn't go over well for obvious reasons , but heavily edited versions that were still (somewhat) true to their original versions.
Cadance's would show the crystal heart pendant thingy she kept as a memento of her defeat over Prismia, while mine would show a simple red heart. I know it was rather unimaginative, but what other choice did I have? I couldn't show the devil horns, the demon tail, or the summoning circle, duh. While most ponies were ignorant of the infernal, they would still see a monster wearing pony's clothing instead.
The rooms themselves looked like typical five-star hotel suites. However, both of them still lacked a personal touch. It was our choice whether or not we wanted to add or remove things, which was honestly a no-brainer for me—I wasn't a fan of the bright coloration of the suite at all. We would also be given a stipend to spend on things we wanted, but the amount would depend on how well we did in school (not that it wasn't expected of us to excel in our studies, anyway).
Speaking of school, we would have to attend a public one in addition to our private lessons with Aunty Sunbutt and our tutors. Fuck me. At least we managed to convince the big sun goose swan horse to not send us to an elite, private school. That would have sucked big time. Cadance had fewer qualms about being forced to go back to school, but even she didn't look forward to what was sure to be a busy schedule.
That night, I decided to have some fun terrorizing the ponies of Canterlot and teach Cadance a thing or two about dreamwalking. At first, she was against us playing petty pranks on innocent ponies, but soon enough, I had a partner in crime as we gave Blueblood a wet dream of having sex with himself. He actually moaned like a dog in heat, so that caused us to giggle madly with mischief.
Sunset, on the other hoof, was having a nightmare of us in the lead roles. We were the popular girls who stole all her thunder, boo hoo . I shrugged and moved on, dragging Cadance along with me to the next victim of our petty pranking spree. We left Aunt Sunbutt's door the Hell alone because even I wouldn't touch her dreams with a ten-foot pole. The self-loathing and guilt I felt coming from her door was honestly suffocating, and I had no intention of intruding on what was most likely centuries-old hurt without asking permission first. Whoever she must have lost, it left massive scars on her heart that I wasn't sure could be healed.
Cadance was even less enthused about leaving Aunty Cellybutt to suffer alone, but I gave her the express warning to not mess with bad dreams lest she wanted to risk her own mental health. Dreamwalking had very real dangers you needed to be aware of. It wasn't a power to be taken lightly (unless you wanted to use it to prank your enemies and have a laugh at their expense, that is).
The night was over all too soon, even with the shrewd perception of time while in the Dream Realm. And with it came the first dawn of us being the adopted nieces of the ruler of this land and our coronation. Fun times ahead. Not.
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Chapter 003 - A fucking Princess you are going to be.
The morning after our arrival in Canterlot was heralded by a face full of bright sunlight. Sunlight that was unobstructed by a lack of blinds in a room with a wide panorama window facing the horizon where Princess motherfucking Celestia raised her sun. Ugh. She hated me; I was calling it now. Fucking bitch. Go have sex with an imp, seriously.
I groaned and rolled over, burrowing my head underneath my pillow, determined to go back to sleep instead of letting 'Aunty' Sunbutt turn me into an early riser. Fuck that shit.
Unfortunately for me, Cadance had other plans as she strolled happily into my room before taking my best friend in the whole world away from me and subjecting me to the blasted rays of the sun once more. Fucking Hell. I swear that the giant sun-pentacle in Hell was half as bad as this normal one.
"Rise and shine, Pleasure!" she exclaimed with a sing-song voice, and I glared at her with tired, bleary eyes.
"Fuck off, Cadance," I hissed at her, trying to shut out the sun with a foreleg to no avail. Stupid, comically large pony eyes. How evolution ever came up with this idea was beyond me. Probably because predators would hesitate to attack something so sickeningly cute... or something along those lines, anyway.
"Oh, come on, Pleasure! Aren't you excited for today?" she asked me, and I whined in distress. Ugh.
"No."
"Aww! Come on," she pouted, shaking me with the small frame of her teenage alicorn visage. What a menace.
I sneered. "Go eat a fucking dick, Cadance," I told her, turning around to face away from her. Not that that saved me from the sun. Or her jumping on top of my bed. Fuck. Take me back to Hell, I beg of you. Anything but this.
"Are you offering~?" she asked, and my heart suddenly leaped into my throat, a blush tinting my dark red coat even redder. Holy shit, where did that come from? And for that matter, what was up with my heart suddenly forgetting what a proper heartbeat was supposed to be? She... she wasn't serious, was she? I... fuck. She had to be messing with me, right?
"Cadance..." I began, trying not to let my arousal show as I had yet to change into my alicorn visage.
"Yes, Pleasure?" she asked, smiling innocently. She was messing with me; there was no other explanation. It was way too fucking early for me to deal with this shit, seriously.
"Get the fuck out of my room. Now," I told her in no uncertain terms, breath shaky.
Cadance raised her brow challengingly at me. "Are you gonna get up?" she asked, and I felt my eyelid twitch. She was a menace—a pest—a pink pest.
"Out!" I exclaimed, shoving her off my bed while she merely giggled and ducked under the hairbrush I threw after her from my nightstand. God Almighty, she would be the death of me, I swear.
I didn't bother to make my bed as I put on my visage and stepped into the shower in the bathroom connected to my bedroom. It was a cold shower, obviously—ice cold.
Sadly, that didn't stop my body from craving the touch of a stallion, and I did my best to banish the thoughts of Cadance from my head lest I start thinking inappropriate thoughts of my only friend in this world. I was rather reluctant to risk our friendship and turn it awkward (or worse, ruin everything between us). I was sure she only said that to rile me up and get me out of bed, anyway.
Never did I curse my existence as a sex demon more than I did now, as my overly sensitive body refused to calm down. Nor did my mind as my imagination assaulted me with one image after another of Cadance presenting her cute, delicious pecker to me like the sexy goddess that she was. Mhh... just a taste and I would know true bliss...
"Fuck it," I muttered to myself and reached a hoof over to my exited vagina, intent on doing it quick and fast. By the end of it, my marehood felt raw and hurt with every step I took, but at least I had it out of my system. God fucking damnit. I exchanged one Hell for another with the pink temptation in pony form. She was such an annoying pink pest, I swear.
Cadance smiled knowingly as I shuffled into the dining room in a sour mood. Sunset was already present, eating a salad with a fork in a light blue levitation field. She looked like she had a terrible night and didn't hesitate to let us know with a fierce glare directed our way. Meanwhile, 'Aunt' Celestia read the newspaper like nothing was wrong with her protégé's attitude, sipping from her steaming cup of tea occasionally.
"How was your night, girls?" she asked us, and I gave her the stink eye for giving me the room facing the east (at least, I think it was the east) while Cadance clapped her hooves together happily.
"The bed is great!" she exclaimed, and I nodded along. That was the only good thing about it, though. "I was fast asleep in no time!" Lucky you.
"I'm glad to hear it. How about you, Pleasure?" Celestia turned to me next. She folded her newspaper neatly with her horn magic while I had some minor difficulties getting mine to work to grab a bowl of muesli. Fancy, expensive muesli, but muesli nonetheless. How long has it been since I've had a mundane breakfast, I wonder? Way too long, I would wager. Hell didn't offer a lot of 'culinary delights,' to be honest.
"I don't want to talk about it," I muttered, glaring balefully at Cadance. She cheekily stuck out her tongue at me, and Sunset looked at us like we were rabid animals. Fuck you, too, bitch.
Aunty Jellysun frowned in concern. "Is something the matter?"
I frowned back. "How about the direction my window faces?" I grumbled, only provoking a flick of an ear from her while Cadance giggled. She was enjoying the schadenfreude a bit too much, wasn't she? Sunset went back to ignoring us, not paying any attention to our 'petty complaints.' That was when Blueblood entered, looking strangely happy.
How much of a narcissist could one pony be? Prismia was fucking bad already, but he would literally fuck himself. I didn't want to know how many hearts he would break once he was supposed to produce an heir. Pathetic.
"I'll let Kibitz know that you wish for some blinds," 'Aunt' Celestia said, and I mumbled my thanks. I let out a frustrated grunt and gave up on lifting the spoon with my levitation magic. Instead, I grabbed the whole dang bowl between my forelegs before sticking my muzzle into it.
As soon as the refreshing coldness of the milk hit my tongue, I moaned whorishly. Fuck, that shit was great . What did they do to it to make it taste this good? Cadance was back to blushing up a storm while Sunset gave me another one of those disgusted looks as I forewent my table manners to drain the bowl of all its contents.
You know, maybe living as a princess wouldn't be so bad after all. I could get used to this. Mhmm~. Fuck, yes. By God Almighty, I really wanted to touch myself inappropriately right now...
"Do you mind?!" Sunset sneered, interrupting my joy with a deep scowl. Even Blueblood looked offended, while Aunty Celestia merely smiled fondly. I think she was just happy to have a break from the stuffy nobles and the expectation of acting all prim and proper at court. Cadance, on the other hoof, was shifting on her haunches back and forth, and I smirked at her. That's what you get for teasing me, you damn menace.
I turned back to Sunset with a faux-innocent smile. "What's the problem with you?"
"With me?!" she shot back, looking like she was about to pop a blood vessel. "Do you country bumpkins all behave like you were raised in a barn?!"
"Sunset..." Aunty Cellybutt warned her, and her personal student grumbled, seething in her place. Then, the big sun goose swan horse turned to me with that same motherly disappointed look. "Pleasure, while I appreciate you enjoying your meal with such fervor,"—she gave me a wink, and I snorted—" please don't provoke my student."
"Whatever," I said as I went back to munching on my slightly soggy muesli. It still had a noticeable crunch and was adequately sweet. The dried fruit in it didn't feel abnormal or unnatural at all. The wonders of living in a society without chemical food. "What's on the agenda for today?"
'Aunty' Celestia hummed as she finished her tea. "I think we should begin with the visit to the tailor to get your coronation dresses properly fitted," she told me, and Cadance perked up at the mention of dresses. I, on the other hand—hoof, whatever—felt less enthusiastic. I doubted the dress would suit my taste. Unless Aunt Sunbutt somehow guessed 'Gothic' and 'Victorian' styles. "Afterward, we will need to rehearse the ceremony until you don't stumble over every word out of nervousness." Eh. I wouldn't have as much of a problem with that, but judging by the pale look on Cadance's face, she didn't expect to speak in front of a crowd today. "While I would like to give you a bit more time to practice, we sadly don't have much time until the visit to Griffonia. So we will have to hurry things along."
Huh. I guessed our ascension came at an inopportune time, then? As long as we didn't have to—
"We will have to train you in diplomacy first," Aunty Sunbutt mused, and my train of thought abruptly stopped. Surely, she didn't expect us to join her for that, right? "The royal family in Griffonia can get easily offended when you don't show them the proper respect. Don't worry, I'm sure you will do fine."
Do fine, my ass. Why the fuck did we have to go with her?! I looked over to Cadance and noticed her looking even paler than before, a fearful shiver going through her as she tried to look smaller than she already was. I shuffled closer to her and draped a wing around her back, making her relax somewhat as she took comfort in the simple gesture. Dear God, what I wouldn't do for a pretty girl...
Anyway, breakfast was over soon after that, and we followed the tall white rainbow sun goose swan horse to where the royal tailor had set up shop in the castle. So far, the corridors were easy to memorize since most had windows and other miscellaneous things to keep your orientation, and those with none were connected to those that had some. But maybe that was just me. Cadance thought the hallways all looked the same (aside from those that had stained glass windows, that is).
The tailor was actually in a separate part of the castle grounds in one of the towers connected to the castle wall. And while they prostrated themselves before Princess Celestia like every other little pony was so wanton to do in this land, they let out a horrified gasp as soon as they saw me and the state of my mane and tail.
It wasn't as bad as they made it out to be, but the Canterlot elite wasn't used to 'wild and unkempt' as much as Cadance and her village had been. Hence, my current predicament of them torturing me with a mane brush while Cadance had her fun trying on one girly dress after another. The actual coronation dress was still in the works and nowhere near finished, but what could you expect from a literal rush order when said tailor had nothing to go on aside from 'fifteen-year-old teenagers' and our general coloration.
By the end of it, my mane and tail still looked as wild as ever, just without the obvious knots and tangles, and my coat looked 'pristine.' I had no idea what the difference was supposed to be since I still looked the same when I caught sight of myself in the mirror, but eh, whatever. Then, the time for measurements came, and standing still proved to be much more of a challenge when needles were involved.
Suffice it to say, even Cadance had difficulty standing still in one place while the tailor adjusted our dresses. Mine was black (thank fucking God for that) with Victorian-esque lace, a thin choker with an opal as a clasp, and ballerinas for shoes. Don't ask me why ponies wore shoes; I had no fucking idea. They were nice and comfortable and made me look sexy as fuck, and that was all I cared about.
Of course, the ballerinas were only for ballroom occasions and such, so I would get some proper everyday regalia after our trip to Griffonia. However, for now, I wouldn't have to worry about stumbling due to the extra weight of metal shoes. Apparently, they didn't have those in a color that complimented my fur color yet, so they had to commission them for later.
Cadance's dress was white with gold accents. Hers didn't have any lace whatsoever, but what it lacked in lace, it made up for with tulle. It wasn't so much to give the impression of a wedding dress, but just enough to make it look fancy and 'royal.' I could confidently say it still looked like a wedding dress, and I desperately tried to hide a nosebleed as I imagined myself wearing a tuxedo while standing next to her at the altar. Fuck, she was pushing all my buttons, wasn't she?
Ahem, anyway! Instead of having anything around her neck, the tailor gave her a few flowers to wear in her mane. She wore similar golden slippers to 'Aunt' Celestia, making it look like they were genuinely related to each other. It looked good on her.
The tailor assured us he would have our dresses ready and fitted correctly in just a few hours, ensuring they would be prepared for us after the rehearsal and before the big event would start. Princess Celestia already had her dress ready and a big, tacky crown she would exchange for her tiara (something about her being the High Princess of Equestria despite being the only princess until now). I honestly couldn't help but laugh at her ridiculously medieval attire.
Aunt Celestia took it with humor and told us it was her own coronation dress back when this Starswirl the Bearded guy asked her to take over ruling Equestria. How a pony could grow a beard was beyond me, but he sounded like he was the Merlin of this world. He even had a whole section in the library dedicated to his spells, so there was that.
For the rehearsal, we moved over to a big room usually used for significant events like this 'Grand Galloping Gala' and wedding receptions (which Celestia sometimes officiated, go figure). That was where we met Kibitz and Celestia's aide, Raven Inkwell. Kibitz was an old-ish pony with a graying mane, tail, and pale gamboge fur color. He wore a red butler uniform and tiny glasses on his muzzle, making me doubt he wore them for the utility. He looked every part of the posh butler I expected to see from a pony serving the big sun goose swan horse while Raven appeared closer to our age, appearance-wise.
Well, I supposed getting your cutie mark at an early age meant you were legally allowed to work, huh? Well, power to her for knowing what she wanted to do with her life. I wish I could have gotten a butt mark that told me what I was good at as a human (sex, obviously).
Princess Celestia's secretary had a tight, dark brown bun for a mane and tail, while her fur was light grayish white. Her eye color was similar to Kibitz's brown eyes, only slightly darker. She wore black-rimmed glasses and one of those noble collar thingies whose name eluded me at the moment—a ruffled collar, maybe?
Don't get me wrong, both of them were alright ponies to be around, but Kibitz had a stick shoved so far up his ass he was unable to crack a smile. And Raven was nervous and insecure without explicit instructions. Oh, and both of them just loved their schedules. So much so that they had a meticulously planned schedule for several days ahead, in fact. They were in a frenzy trying to reorganize and adjust to the sudden introduction of two newcomers into Princess Celestia's daily life. I swear, they must be related to each other; their behavior was so similar.
At least Cadance got over her stage fright pretty quickly with our help coaching her to speak clearly and loudly. The castle staff served as observers for when the real deal was about to happen later that day.
Obviously, concerning coronations, things were less ideal on such short notice, but 'Aunt' Celestia's prior engagements forced our hooves. The speech was relatively easy and short on our part, so Cadance gained more confidence from that alone.
Before too long, the tailor arrived with our dresses while a mane stylist tried their best to make us look 'dazzling.' They didn't have much success with me, but Cadance looked very nice with a braid. Aunt Celestia's mile-long hair was a nightmare to style, so they simply gave her a bit of a touch-up for her makeup and called it a day.
Seeing Cadance with makeup, though... I couldn't help but avert my gaze as she looked gorgeous . She pulled the whole princess thing off way better than I did, and ponies deservedly gushed over her for how pretty she was. Then, the time for the ceremony came, and we were told to wait for the signal to re-enter the ballroom where Princess Celestia would bestow us our official title and royal name.
Cadance and I didn't have to wait for long, and soon, we strolled after the flag bearers and flower ponies, coming to a standstill in front of Equestria's monarch and deity of the sun. Almost all of Canterlot's nobility was gathered here today while I could hear the rest of Canterlot's population from the balcony behind Aunt Sunbutt, waiting in the streets to catch a glimpse of us. Plenty of photographers and journalists were also in attendance, taking pictures and writing down our every word for the newspapers.
"We are gathered here today to witness the coronation of two very special ponies," Princess Celestia began, a proud smile on her muzzle as she stood on the stage with her wings stretched wide. I was tempted to whisper 'Goose swan' to Cadance just to make her giggle. "These two young mares have accomplished something no other pony has in a very long time. They saved a village from a sorceress most vile, meddling with powers she could not understand for she lacked the compassion and love these two hold dear in their hearts."
The crowd listened in rapt attention while I could see Sunset glaring at us from where she lurked behind the ballroom's pillars. If that wasn't jealousy, I swear to never suck a dick in my life again.
"It is my great pleasure to proclaim these two Princesses of Equestria!" 'Aunt' Celestia continued with a flourish. "Henceforth, you shall be known as the Deity of Love and the Deity of Passion. Thy royal names shall be Mi Amore Cadenza and Mi Libidine Passione."
I resisted the urge to blink as my eyelid twitched, hearing those for the first time. My love Cadance and my lustful Passion?! The fuck did she come up with those?!
I only listened with half an ear to Cadance's short speech about being grateful for the chance to make Equestria's future a better tomorrow before it was my turn. I was too busy trying to figure out what the fuck the big sun goose swan horse was thinking when she came up with those titles, seriously. "I, uh..." I began, swallowing thickly. Suddenly, it felt like all the eyes on me stared at me in a completely different light. I swear, Aunty Cellybum did that on purpose. "I vow to protect Equestria and its citizens to the best of my ability and, uh... serve it in good times and bad, and..." Shit, shit, shit! What was I supposed to say? I fucking forgot, damnit! Fuck you, Sunbutt.
"Uphold order," Cadance whispered, and I felt the lump in my throat fade. Holy shit, you're a lifesaver!
"I-I will uphold order and all of Equestria's ideals until the time may come when my services are no longer needed. Thank you," I said, swallowing my nervousness down. Why the fuck was that so hard?! Ugh. I friggin' hate you, 'Aunty.'
The audience began to stomp their hooves, and I felt relieved to get this part of the ceremony over and done with. Princess motherfucking Celestia did her thing by presenting us our tiaras—mine was obsidian, thank God—before she declared us Princesses of Equestria once more before we moved over to the balcony and waved for a bit. Then, Aunty Sunbutt announced that this day was a national holiday from now on called 'Hearts and Hooves Day.' I was sure she just renamed Valentine's Day, but whatever.
The afterparty was the first real test of us mingling with the nobility, rich ponies, and celebrities alike. Most ponies we talked to were pleasant enough, but I could tell who was faking it and who was not.
Cadance got a lot more attention than I did, but I was surprised to see some batponies engage me in conversation with a strange eagerness. I chalked up to them finally having some representation of their own kind in the government. I gave them the same spiel Cadance did with being found in a forest close to her hometown and that we had been foalhood friends ever since then. She was practically my only friend, and we were pretty close to each other already, so I was reasonably certain they wouldn't think to scrutinize our fabricated story too much.
It helped that nopony from her village was in attendance. It felt kind of scummy to lie about it, but I couldn't care less. I was a bonafide demon; I already carried around the stench of sin. It couldn't get much worse than that, to be honest.
I was glad to finally relax and 'de-stress' in my queen-sized bed by the end of the day, seriously. I was fucking exhausted being nice to suck-ups and brownnosers. Social interaction was annoying at the best of times, but interacting with ponies wanting to get into your good graces was just the worst. Nothing screamed 'social climber' more than sycophants laughing at anything even remotely interpretable as funny. Or at things they thought were funny but weren't.
Still, I didn't regret my decision. I wouldn't leave Cadance to suffer alone through this Hell of boringness. To be honest, anything was better than actual Hell.
At least I had a free pass to act as lewd as I wanted since some pony thought to point it out to the whole fucking nation. That was something, right?
If only I didn't have to look like jailbait for the foreseeable future. Yay.
Chapter 004 - A lucky morning. Or not.
The night was spent much like the previous one, giving a certain prince a wet dream of himself while doing a wide berth around Princess Aunt Sunbutt's dream of guilt, misery, and self-loathing. Sunset was oddly absent from the Dream Realm, but I chalked it up to her being occupied plotting her evil scheme to kick some fluffy bunnies off the side of Canterlot or something.
That girl harbored some serious resentment for Cadance and me. I was sure that whatever it was she was doing, it didn't involve knives and the back of our necks at all . She was probably staying up late studying. As far as I knew, ponies weren't usually the kind to go stabby-stabby, anyway.
Unless we were talking about the shadowy, nightmare smoke demon variety, but those fuckers weren't a thing here, thank God. The umbrum were so thoroughly evil that none of them could leave Hell for extended periods, even if they were summoned explicitly by their True Name.
Speaking of nightmares, the following day, I woke up face-to-face with a pink nephilim. Ugh. What did I do to deserve this kind of torture?
"Cadance..." I muttered, and she smiled.
"Yes, Mi Libidine Passione ~?" she giggled, giving me a half-lidded gaze of pure, erotic need. Fucking Hell. Seriously, what did I do to deserve this torture? She was bullying me, wasn't she? She must be; there was no other explanation for her behavior that made sense to me. None.
"What are you doing in my bed?" I asked, tiredly rubbing my eyes with a hoof. The sun wasn't even up yet, for fuck's sake.
"Waiting for you to get up, dear~," she answered, kissing the tip of my muzzle with a cheeky wink. I blushed, stopping my wings from flaring open as my heart rate sped up. Shit, was she flirting with me? As in, actually flirting and not fake flirting with your best friend to mess with them? There was no way, right? She had to be messing with me. I was a demon, not your girl-next-door kind of gal. No one in their right state of mind would do something like that.
I frowned. "Were you always like this, or am I just special?"
"If you mean hitting on ponies in their own bed? You're one of the few lucky ponies I would do that with~," Cadance answered, her face inches away from mine. She grinned, and I gulped, anxious. "Why? Are you uncomfortable? Does my voice make you horny~? Do you want to fuck me with that big thing of yours? Ngh, Pleasure, you dirty fiend, you! Whatever shall I do..? So naughty!"
I felt my dick twitch and blushed even harder at her faux-innocent look while she bit her lip. "Just wondering how much of that is you and how much of it is the succubus talking in you."
"Oh?" she hummed, leaning in even closer. "Is there a difference..? Tell me more~."
I swallowed nervously as I felt her breath on my lips. God fucking damnit, this girl, I swear. She was doing things to me, and I wasn't sure I liked it. At the moment, all I felt was dread. I was trying to be a nice demon here, and she was tempting me into doing all kinds of naughty things to her. Naughty, naughty things. "Cadance..."
"Yes, my lustful Passion?" she whispered, and I shuddered.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked her, trying to push my desires down as I rang with my despair. This unbearable temptation was only made worse as she smiled mischievously at me. Fuck, I had to resist it. I had to. Otherwise...
"Because it is fun?" she told me as if it was obvious, and I felt my eyelid twitch. You fucking adorable pink pest.
I was about to give her a piece of my mind when I suddenly felt her lips close in on mine. This time, I stood no chance as my wings sprang open, taking the blanket with them (and throwing me out of my bed for good measure). Cadance laughed loudly while I disentangled myself from them before glaring up at her. I sneered at her stupid, evil smirk.
"'Dear,' tease me one more time, and I'll show you what a succubus does to her prey," I threatened her with a demonic growl. She merely hopped out of my bed before disguising herself with her succubus powers.
"I look forward to it~," she said with a wink before leaving my room. I slumped down with my head against the mattress, groaning. She really was trying to seduce me, wasn't she? There was no point in denying it; she was bolder than she looked. Kinda hot, but I knew I wouldn't be good relationship material for her. She was a romantic; I was a fucking degenerate demon lusting after dick. And her perfect flanks, apparently, but who wouldn't? Just the thought of stuffing my muzzle in her velvety folds made my body warm up like never before.
I... I couldn't do that to her. I would break her heart; I just knew it. Besides... she was far too good for me. It would never last. It would only end in disaster for both of us.
I ignored my aching heart in favor of getting ready for the day. As was quickly becoming customary since moving to Canterlot, I turned the water as cold as possible and desperately tried calming my hot-and-bothered body down. This time, it was my dick that refused to go down, and I rubbed one out after giving up on pretending it would go down on its own (as if I would be that lucky, I was a succubus, after all—I was cursed with eternal horniness).
I washed the evidence away after I was done, not in the mood to explain to the castle staff why it looked like an orgy happened in my bathroom. I knew an incubus could cum a lot, but I didn't expect it to be so much. Or for it to shoot over the shower curtain, but that was more my fault than anything else. I underestimated my new pony cock.
By the time I made it to the breakfast table, Sunset Shimmer was already absent. Cadance and Aunty Sunnybum were talking with each other about our public school education, of all things, while Blueblood looked like he was off in his own world.
Three guesses as to what was on his mind. I still couldn't believe he was that pathetic, to be honest.
"Good Morning, Pleasure," Aunty Jellycelly told me in greeting, and I muttered a half-hearted 'Morning...' back, grabbing a bowl of muesli from the arranged food in the middle of the table. It had one of those Chinese-style turning disks, but I didn't bother with any of the other options since I honestly couldn't get enough of that milk. I stuck my muzzle into the bowl and munched on the crunchy bits while draining it of all its contents.
Cadance was back to blushing as she eyed one of the same bowls and milk containers on the table's rotating tray thingy. She fidgeted uncertainly, and I snickered as she also decided to get a bowl. Princess Aunty Rainbow Sun Horse hid a smile behind her teacup as Cadance brought it closer to her muzzle. Then, it was my turn to blush as the milk dribbled down the side of her muzzle. She got a bit too eager as she enjoyed the milk, moaning girlishly at the taste.
If I still had my dick in this form, I was sure I would be standing at attention again. I really needed to keep my guard up around her, holy fuck. Instead, my wings twitched while my heart hammered away in my chest at how fucking hot she looked. She would look so much sexier with my cum dripping down her—
Fuck. 'Down, boys!' I told my wings, averting my gaze from the pink nephilim disguised as a teenage alicorn while my tail was flagging against my plush cushion. I sighed. Not you, too , I thought in exasperation, cursing my stupid pony body. I swear this was worse than attending a banquet at Lilith's castle. And that was, simply put, one big orgy, for fuck's sake.
"What, uh..." I started cleaning my muzzle with a napkin while ignoring Cadance (not that I was doing a perfect job at that). "What's today's plan, then?"
"Cadance asked about attending Canterlot Academy," Aunt Celestia mentioned, and I frowned at the reminder that we would have to visit a public school on top of our homeschooling. "The school year is almost over, but she wanted to get an idea of what it would be like there before our visit to Griffonia. Would you be interested in accompanying her?"
"I..." I hesitated and made the mistake of looking Cadance in the eyes. I sighed with a grumble and mentioned, "Sure." God fucking damnit. The pink mare beamed at me, and I rolled my eyes. Ugh. What wouldn't I do to appease her? Fuck me. Manipulative pink pest.
"I'm pleased to hear that," Aunty Jellysun hummed, not noticing my apparent displeasure of being forced to attend school even earlier than expected. At least it was only for today. "Don't forget your tiara."
"Right," I muttered, almost having forgotten that we were supposed to wear our 'princess regalia' in public. I didn't get why, but who was I to cause a scandal by not wearing them? I had noticed the newly commissioned shoes and chest piece as I left my apartment suite but ignored them in favor of food. Surprising as it was to see them finished already, food always had priority.
So, after breakfast, Cadance and I returned to our rooms to make ourselves 'presentable.' I looked at my mane in the mirror and tried my best to tame it with a brush before putting the obsidian tiara on top of my head. I stepped into the dark steel slippers next, finding them to be surprisingly light. I glanced at the chest piece on the mannequin and was about to leave it behind when Cadance entered my room.
My friend whistled. "Hello, handsome~," she purred, and I put the damn thing on before she said something. It did make me look kind of cool and edgy, even though my regalia was the same as hers except less bright. Instead of a tiara like mine, Cadance had her mini princess crown thingy that somehow stayed in place without anything keeping it there—probably a sticky charm, now that I was thinking about it. Was that a thing?
"Hello, yourself," I said rather lamely while she made it no secret she was checking me out. She was rather pretty herself. Not that I would tell her that to her face before she got the wrong idea. I wasn't about to comment on her appearance while she looked like a fifteen-year-old teenager. I knew she was an adult, but that was a topic I wouldn't ever get into.
"Are you ready to go?" she asked, and I nodded. Let's just get this over with. Our 'aunt' did the sensible thing and assigned us a guard to show us the way and give us some random facts along the way about this and that establishment. Not that I thought we needed the supervision, but who knew what kind of crazy ponies were out there.
Cadance made me promise we would go and take a look at Tealove's Tea Room on the way back as we passed the quaint little café; the smell coming from it made even me excited for tea and cake.
From the outside, the school looked like a typical American high school. There was a large field for sports next to a big gym, and judging by the sounds of ponies mingling on the lawn and the traffic to and from the cafeteria, the school day had yet to start. I couldn't wait. Woo hoo.
Our appearance caused quite a commotion as students and teachers alike took notice of us, and soon after that, the principal gave us a tour before classes started. Why wasn't I surprised they were already trying to suck up to us? Friggin' asshamster.
Anyway, the school looked just as sickeningly average on the inside as it did on the outside. There was everything you would expect from a stereotypical American high school; I thought somepony must have given Earth a visit or something. Everything was here, even down to the row of lockers and water dispensers.
The students themselves looked like cartoonish versions of the people in the nineteen-eighties, from the hippies to the football jocks to the wannabe rock stars and the nerds staying away from everyone else like the social outcasts they were. There was even a clique of hot goth chicks who stared impassively back at me while we passed them by.
Maybe—No. No, I won't. There was no way I was going to make friends here. Fuck that. I didn't need the inevitable drama of suck-ups and pretend friendship. Not to mention relationship drama . Hell no.
I could already tell I was going to hate it here. And not just because I wasn't allowed to have sex under the bleachers with the school's staff. I wasn't the most popular in school back in the day, and I sure as Hell wasn't about to flaunt my new royal status to get little kids to simp for me as their new queen bee. Not to mention that I doubted anyone would be genuine in their motives to befriend Cadance and myself.
The classrooms were just as I remembered them, as well. A giant flag of Equestria's unification, a blackboard, and rows upon rows of single student desks. The textbooks were already giving me nightmares of bullies emptying them out in the halls and me scrambling to pick them up while no one bothered to look at where they were going (much less help put everything back into my bags).
No amount of torture in Hell could compare to bullying in high school. That shit fucked people up for life.
At least Cadance was having fun. She had never attended a big school in her little hamlet of a no-name town, so this was the first time she saw a typical school in a big city. 'Big' relatively speaking since Canterlot was still rather small compared to most cities back on Earth—even more so compared to the crowded City of Lust in Hell. Most sinners congregated around there and the other big cities ruled by the Seven Deadly Sins—except for Gluttony. No one wanted to stay near that pig for long. He made things miserable for every demon, no matter the rank.
Not that the other archdemons were any better, but Gluttony had a reputation for being... well, a glutton. He and Greed got along famously in that regard. Not literally, but the point was still the same. They were both selfish dicks no one wanted to voluntarily stay around.
Anyway! Aside from math, the subjects were rather easy to follow (though some of the teachers were so boring, a sleeping pill would have been less effective than them). Math and sports were the only subjects I was familiar with that weren't 'weird' in some way. English was called Equish here, and there were some seriously dumb pony spelling rules for some words, among other things (such as substituting 'hay' for a bunch of swear words). French was called Prench , German was... actually still called German, but the country was a disgrace called Germaneigh . Spanish was spelled Sponish, and I seriously had no idea how you were supposed to pronounce that. Geography was called the 'Study of Equis,' and I could already tell it would induce some headaches trying to memorize what everything was called (I swear, this world was a parody of Earth). Physics was replaced with the 'Laws of Nature and Magic,' and Chemistry was a weird mix between modern-day chemistry, alchemy, and potions (make that make sense). Then, there was magic practice and weather control for ponies with either a horn or wings (or both, in our case).
As for the rest of the school subjects, I had no idea because Cadance and I didn't receive our class schedules for the new year, and some of those were electives I wouldn't even have to take except as a secondary field of study (not that that would save me from private tutoring in the other areas). Since we also had to take a second language skill, I decided I would take German since I was already fluent in it, and it would be easy credit (and an excuse to nap in school).
As for the electives, we had the choice of taking computer sciences, home-ec, accounting (fuck that), marine biology (only with plenty of tentacles to study intimately ), fashion construction (a big no to that), interior design (not unless sex dungeons were involved), poetry (pfft, no ), debate (yikes), journalism (ugh), drama and theater (Hell no), as well as music theory, the choir, and the marching band (hah, as if).
There were also various sports clubs, but fuck that. Our tutoring already involved military training, and once we finished our public education, we would get combat training, first aid courses, and specialized training from the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria. I didn't need more physical exercise than that to volunteer for high school sports . Everyone knew that only involved bullying from the popular jocks.
Cadance wanted to take the equivalent of Italian as her second language skill but was out of luck since the teacher for it had fallen ill half a year ago and couldn't teach for another year. So she went with Prench (Lilith would froth at the corners of her mouth if she ever found out what these ponies called French here) since it was the easier language skill to learn for someone who only spoke English before. I had a feeling she would do quite well in it, and that wasn't just due to my fantasy of her whispering sexy words in my ear.
I was still undecided about what to take for our elective, and Cadance hoped to take home-ec since it involved baking. Love goes through the stomach, eh? If all else failed, I could probably take home-ec with her since the other options honestly sounded like crap.
At the end of the school day, the pink alicorn already had a gaggle of ponies trying to be her friends, and I stayed the Hell away from anypony trying to do the same with me. I would rather keep to myself; thank you very much. That, and stick around Cadance as much as possible to beat away all the horny teenage colts with a sharp stick.
Yeah, don't think I didn't notice you looking at her like a piece of meat, 'Buck Withers'! I knew perfectly well what you were up to! Don't even think about touching a hair on her body, Buster!
Ahem! Anyway... Cadance and I excused ourselves from the horde of groupies she attracted as our guard led us back the way we had come. We made a short stop at Tealove's Tea Room to enjoy some delicious (but tiny) cake before returning to the castle to pack for our trip to Griffonia.
I mainly chucked a hairbrush into my bag and was about to call it a day when Cadance reminded me we would have to dress up for the occasion. I also put my coronation dress in and decided to get something to read while I was at it. It was an eight-hour flight or so; I wasn't going to stare at the scenery bored out of my mind for that long.
Meanwhile, Cadance went to get herself a makeup bag, never having owned one since her village didn't get a lot of cosmetics, and I made my way to the library. I was sure I could find some romance novels with juicy scenes in them.
Before I could take a look around the shelves in the adult section, though, I was suddenly slammed against the wall and winced. "I'm surprised you country bumpkins even know how to read. Or were you looking for a picture book ?" Sunset sneered. Fuck. Just the pony I wanted to see. Not.
"The fuck do you want?" I shot back with a glare directed her way. My defiance earned me another shove as she held me against the wall with her light blue, teal-ish magic aura. She wasn't very gentle holding me there (and not in a kinky way, either).
"I want you to go back to the backwater hovel you came from and take your friend with you," she sneered, and I was tempted to spit her in the face. Alas, with her holding me like this, I would be lucky if I hit her body at all. Shit, she got a grip worse than Gluttony playing rough, I swear.
"Yeah, not gonna happen," I told her, forcing every word out of my throat with minor difficulty. She frowned, not at all pleased with my rebuttal. I grunted, sneering at her. "Look, whatever your problem with us is, take your mommy issues somewhere else."
I winced as the amber unicorn hit me against the cheek, but as far as abuse went, I've had worse. A lot worse. Heck, even an imp hit harder than her. "Shut your foul mouth, you dirty whore," she threatened me, and I grinned. Aww, did I hit a nerve? How cute. "How did you get to become an alicorn?"
"Oh, I don't know," I said, smirking mischievously. "I made a mare cum all over my face with my tongue?"
Sunset looked disgusted, throwing me against one of the bookshelves before storming off. Ugh. Fuck you, too, bitch.
One of the librarians came to investigate the commotion, missing Sunset by a few seconds, so I was left with the task of putting the books back where they belonged by myself. I could have told her what really happened, but I wanted that bitch to dig her own grave all by herself. She was in for a rude awakening if she thought she could get away with that attitude and become a princess.
During dinner that evening, Cadance gave my swelling cheek a horrified look while Princess Auntlestia looked at me in concern. I waved them off, telling them I stumbled down the stairs, looking at the back of my book practicing telekinesis. It wasn't even a lie; I almost fell down the stairs had my wings not snapped open. I could tell they didn't believe my words, and Sunset was giving me a weird look, but they left it alone. They wouldn't be able to force me to spill the beans if I didn't want to talk about it.
Cadance insisted I put a pack of ice against the swelling to stop it. It wasn't like my supernatural healing wouldn't take care of it within an hour at most, but I decided to humor her. It did sting quite fiercely.
That night, I decided to pay Sunset back tenfold. I didn't fucking care if she was going to retaliate after figuring out Cadance and I could enter another pony's dreams; she fucking deserved it. She started it.
Thus, another day went by in my new life as a sexy demon pony princess in this fantastic magic pony land. Only eternity more to go. Woo hoo.
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Chapter 005 - Do Royal Griffons Dream of Litter Boxes?
Time flew by when you were having fun tormenting your nemesis in her dreams. Cadance didn't ask why I did what I did since I suspected she knew perfectly well my explanation was complete bullshit, but she let me do what I wanted with Sunset as long as I didn't get too sadistic.
I just let her relive some of my experiences being fucked by a bunch of faceless ponies. It was petty and tasteless and horrible of me to subject her to that, but I was a motherfucking demon. She should have chosen another pony to bully, seriously. I had plenty of bad memories to beset her with.
The following day, Cadance didn't wake me up for once, and I felt weird as she gave me a subdued smile and a half-hearted 'Good Morning' at the breakfast table. Aunty Jellysun didn't notice as she was busy reading her morning newspaper. She had already finished her breakfast and idly sipped from her tea.
"Good Morning, Pleasure," she greeted me, and I mumbled my own 'Good Morning' back, staring at the bowl of muesli already placed at my spot with less enthusiasm than it deserved. Aunt Celestia noticed my mood and frowned in concern. "Is everything alright?"
"Just a shitty night," I told her, listlessly shoveling spoonfuls into my mouth. Great. So much for revenge tasting the best when served cold. Why must you guilt trip me now of all times, conscience? She fucking deserved it. I wasn't going to torture her while she was awake, so what was the big deal about it? It wasn't like I was inflicting actual trauma on her. They were just memories. Shitty, awful memories, but memories nonetheless.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Auntia said, putting her newspaper neatly away with her golden horn magic. "Is there anything I could do for you?"
"Oh, so she's worth your concern, huh?" Sunset seethed, and I glared back at her. Fucking bitch. Why did I even feel guilty for tormenting you in the first place? Fuck you. Go make love to a cactus, seriously.
There was only so much toxic behavior I could stand before I retaliated in kind. Granted, while I could be a bit of a bitch myself, I made an effort to only act like that to those that had earned it. My hide was thick enough to shrug off most of her shit, but even I had a limit.
"Sunset..." Princess Auntlestia began, only for her student to snort and leave with an angry huff. Aunty Jellysun sighed as she watched her go before turning back to us. "I apologize for her behavior. I don't know what has gotten into her as of late."
"Yeah..." I scowled skeptically, letting the topic slide. I wasn't about to get myself involved in their drama. If she was too blind to notice her student being a jealous bitch, that was on her. What did it matter to me, anyway? It wasn't like she was my actual aunt and I was even remotely invested in this family drama or whatever. Like... I wasn't at all looking forward to having a genuine, everyday, domestic life away from the snakepit that was Hell.
Stupid Sunaunt.
"Are you packed and ready to go, then?" she asked us, and we nodded. I would rather stay here, but then again, I didn't want to deal with Sunset alone. Who knew what else she would do to me while her mentor wasn't there? "Then please finish your breakfast. We won't get a chance to eat on our way to Griffonia."
Right. I did as I was told, even though I wasn't hungry. It would stymie my succubus hunger from becoming worse, though. Cadance's more so than mine, but I've lived with it for centuries now. It wasn't nearly as bad as it was before our ascension, and yet, I could still feel it in the back of my mind, nagging at me like a drug addict.
What could I say? To a succubus, regular food paled in comparison to the taste of cum. Not even this premium milk could come close to it, which was saying a lot.
Cadance and I retrieved our bags (not that the castle's bellhop wouldn't have happily carried our luggage for us, but I would rather they did not see what kinds of books I left lying around in my room). As soon as we met with Aunt Sunbutt, we left the castle's gates to the two waiting sky chariots parked in front of the drawbridge.
Cadance and I shared a chariot while Aunty Jellysun took the other one for herself (nopony else would fit in with her due to her humongous horse butt and ginormous swan wings). Sunset was nowhere to be seen—thank God—and Tante Les Tia gave the four pegasi drawing our chariots the signal to get going. I was mildly relieved we wouldn't be waiting long enough for the amber unicorn to decide to come with us after all. I was sure the ride would have been even less pleasant than it already was if she had. Apparently, it was not too out of character for her to shirk her duties as Princess Celestia's protégé since our adopted 'Aunt' didn't feel like waiting on the off chance she would change her mind.
That and the whole drama from earlier probably made Aunty Jellycelly think it would be better to let her stew in her own misery instead of trying to comfort Sunset. Things must have already been tense between them long before we came along to stir the hornet's nest like that.
Whatever. It was not my problem. Sunset wasn't my responsibility. Let them do whatever they thought was best for them while I would worry about my own shit, such as Cadance's wing brushing against mine while I tried to read my smut in peace. Or Cadance asking me what I was reading every few minutes or so. Or her trying to read over my shoulder while getting into my personal space. Or her tail flicking against my flanks because there was so little space in our sky chariot.
...or her biting her lip whenever there was a juicy scene in the book...
Ugh. For fuck's sake...
"You really know how to be annoying, don't you?" I asked her rhetorically, and she merely snickered next to me. "Didn't you pack your own entertainment?"
"I did," she confirmed, and I scrunched up my muzzle.
I looked at her as she continued to lean against me like the annoying pink pest that she was to read from my book. "Then why are you bothering me?"
"Aside from it being fun to tease you?" she asked, a mischievous smile quirking up her lips. "I doubt our chauffeurs would appreciate me taking out the kind of toy I like to play with~."
I blinked before my muzzle started to burn with heat. "You didn't..."
"Hm?" Cadance hummed, giving me a faux-innocent look.
I shifted awkwardly next to her with the limited space available to us, the wind practically nonexistent around us. At least our guards didn't have the same luxury of a magical windshield, or I was sure they would have already started plummeting to the ground due to stiff wings, taking us along with them.
"Where did you even get one of those?" I asked, feeling jealous I didn't think of finding a sex toy of my own. How did I completely neglect the thought of sating my urges without having to tempt another pony into having their way with me? Sure, a toy was kinda boring, but damn, I've been conditioned . To be honest, I couldn't bring myself to care, though. I liked getting fucked, simple as that.
Still, I wanted to know where I could get my own toy now. There was no way I would be able to survive three-ish years without sex. Fuck that.
"You would like to know, wouldn't you?" she giggled. I pouted while she gave me a nuzzle, turning the page of our—my book, damnit. I wasn't even finished with that page. Stupid pink alicorn.
I turned the page back before I could be tempted to read ahead. "Seriously, where in the name of my unholy 'mother' did you find a dildo around here? And who the fuck would sell it to a minor?"
"Well, first off, we only look like minors," she told me, the topic of our age as much of a touchy subject to her as it was to me. "And secondly, I didn't buy it, exactly."
I blinked before I looked at my best friend and pink nuisance in a new light. Damn. Who would've thought she had it in her?
"You still haven't told me where you found one," I reminded her, preventing her from turning the page again as I was too distracted to catch up with her. I gave her an annoyed frown, but she ignored it.
"Believe it or not, but some students take the weirdest things with them to school," she told me, and I raised a brow at her. Wow. "It was unused; don't give me that look."
"I wasn't about to say anything," I shrugged. "Trust me, I've sucked on worse than a used dildo before."
"I... didn't need to know that," she muttered, looking slightly green.
I snickered. "Just wait until you have your first orgy. You won't care either where those dicks have been before they are shoved in your face."
"Just... read the damn page, Pleasure," Cadance grumbled, and I did just that, amused. "I'm surprised they let you check this out."
"I might have taken it without the librarian noticing," I said, finally turning the page so Cadance could read the following two pages.
"Uh-huh," she hummed, not at all surprised that I would do something like steal books from the library. "So... why a novel about a maid?"
I gave her a look. "Why not a novel about a maid getting railed by a noble lord behind his wife's back?" I asked back, challengingly.
"Fair enough," Cadance said with a blush. That the maid also went full-on dominatrix on the guy only worsened her blush as we returned to reading in companionable silence. Nice.
The rest of the flight went by with only minor conversation between us before we had to put the book away as we neared our destination. Just as it was getting good, too. Lord Full Purse was a very bad colt, and his cute mistress was all about whipping the nasty, immoral behavior out of him~. My, oh, my...
Anyway, Griffonia was nothing special to look at. Sure, their castle was just as ostentatious as the one in Canterlot, but their city didn't hang off the side of a mountain. Kind of dull and unimaginative for a modern fantasy place, but who was I to criticize their style? I've lived in a massive Gothic fortress castle palace thing that reeked of cum and blood for most of my stay in Hell. Some old-fashioned, timber-framed houses and cobblestone roads were a refreshing change of pace—even if it smelled kind of strange, not gonna lie.
The griffons themselves were far louder than any pony population I had been to so far (which, granted, wasn't a lot, but still). Despite the loudness of the afternoon traffic in the street, their chaos was nowhere near as bad as what I was used to in Hell. At least here, people weren't openly murdering each other in the streets. Or what counted for murder in a realm where everyone was damned to suffer eternally without the sweet relief of death. Not a permanent death, anyway.
God really was a sadistic bastard when it came down to punishing the wicked, I swear. Dying the first time hurt. Coming back to life shortly after sucked ass because everything still hurt. Dying after that was even less pleasant than that. The first time was like blacking out. Every time after that, though? Oh, that shit was maddening because, at some point, you don't black out anymore and feel every death while conscious .
Getting stabbed in the back took on an entirely different meaning when you had to suffer through being unable to do anything against the friggin' dagger in your spine, I swear. Supernatural healing was pretty cool on paper, but damn, did it suck when it literally refused to let you stay dead.
The less fortunate souls in Hell had it even worse, though. Some structures were literally made out of the suffering sinners permanently dying over and over again. Compared to that, I was fortunate Lilith took a liking to me, awful as it was to have her attention on me and the frigging jealousy it brought on from my 'sisters.'
Hell sucked, yadda yadda yadda; let's move on, shall we? Better not linger on those memories, or I might cross a line and let Sunset feel what it was like during my first week in Hell. God knew I was already tempted to give her a nightmare of having to serve as Gluttony's concubine.
Our carriages drew a lot of eyes as old and young alike stared at the 'fancy ponies.' They didn't even bother to hide their distaste for having to move out of the way as our guards pulled our carriages through the streets. Celestia waved at the citizens of Griffonia occasionally, and so did Cadance, albeit with a certain uncertainty. I didn't bother doing the same since I perfectly understood their racist slurs as we moved past them.
Clearly, these motherfuckers had little respect for women. Much less so for women with power . I had been called a whore ever since I was forced to suck a dick for the first time, more so since my unjust sentence to Hell, but being called a whore without having done anything to their knowledge beforehand just felt dirty.
It didn't help that I was also offended on Cadance's behalf. She clearly didn't understand a word being said, but I could tell that she noticed the tone of their voices whenever they insulted one of us (which was every other sentence, to be fair).
I had no idea why Aunt Celestia thought it was a smart idea to take us with her. Judging by the insincere smile on her muzzle, she definitely knew what was being said, yet she continued to wave and smile like nothing was wrong.
I guessed throwing us in the deep end was part of her lessons to temper us against this kind of reaction from other species with less kind views on pony society. Then again, I suspected it was more for Cadance's sake than mine. Hell saw worse on a good day than these racist fucks were capable of (or was it specist?).
Aside from the name-calling, I also overheard some of them talking to each other about 'who would taste better.' Great. They had no qualms about eating ponies, either. What was next? Them endorsing rape and necrophilia? Disgusting pieces of shit.
Cadance and I later learned that this 'Kingdom' of Griffonia consisted of a single city and smaller villages surrounding it. And they were the only nation where griffons settled that had a problem with being decent people . Griffonstone was less bad (or so I was told), though it had its own issues with greed as its citizens lived in poor conditions near poverty.
The history was wacky, but it did resemble Britain's colonialism if the Commonwealth crumbled to pieces under its own weight. This world's Australia was the only part that managed to recover and flourish, while every other griffon nation was more or less cannibalizing itself.
Suffice it to say, I already had plans for my nightly activity of playing pranks in the Dream Realm. But before I could do that, I had to survive the shark tank that was griffon royalty. Günther Adlerauge der Dritte was one prideful motherfucker, and his wife had a permanent sneer etched on her beak. The prince wasn't much better, while the princess was closer to our 'age' and thus didn't quite understand what kind of hateful words spilled out of her trap. She was well on her way to becoming just as bad as the rest of her family, though.
Cadance and I still showed them the proper respect befitting royalty (while sneakily making rude gestures behind their back). Before long, dinner was served in the opulent dining room that was honestly larger than the friggin' ballroom back in Canterlot. It showed how empty and cold it felt, but to each their own, I guessed.
Dinner itself was another thing entirely. I had nothing against meat, but when it came from sentient creatures, even I had my qualms. The kinds of demons that partook in that kind of behavior were nasty pieces of shit in Hell, and I could already tell where this royal family was bound to end up after they kicked the bucket.
Cadance and I had no choice but to eat what we were offered or risk offending the fucktards worse than flipping them the bird could. Starting a war with these kinds of people was a surefire way to get the ponies of Equestria to end up on their dinner plate next, and Princess Auntlestia could hardly defend the entire nation all by herself.
Sure, she was powerful—I could feel it from a mile away—but even she could not be everywhere at once. And as far as the military might of Equestria went, ponyland was kind of behind Griffonia in the arms department by the looks of it. They were nowhere near the level of weaponry Earth had in the twenty-first century, but when faced with spears and gold armor, muskets would come out on top nine times out of ten. And that was only due to Equestria possessing the gift of magic to defend itself with.
Even Princess Celestia was wary of fighting against a gun, despite most unicorns being perfectly capable of stopping one from being used against them. It wasn't too difficult to wrench a stick to the side, even with dubious levitation skills, but the risk of them shooting first was much too high. Only a few ponies were capable of creating a shield to defend themselves with. And since our military consisted of two-thirds lacking a horn on their noggin', the fight wouldn't be remotely fair. At all.
Granted, one-third of our military was more than enough to keep the borders safe in defensive skirmishes, but a full-on invasion? It would take some rallying to get the peace-loving nation I called my home now to muster up enough courage and fighting spirit to kick their butts back to where they came from. Unicorns weren't exactly known for being hotheaded, so most conscripts would probably either be pegasi or batponies, and then earthponies.
Despite the lack of ranged firepower in the form of guns, ponies survived against various predators for a reason. Not only did they have the numbers to weather an assault for a long time, but ponies were the most magical thing on this planet; they could literally lay waste to the enemy forces by creating their own natural catastrophes. It was foolish to get ponies mad enough that they would cause droughts and hurricanes in your homeland with little to no effort.
That didn't mean peace wasn't the preferred option, though. War was a tough bitch, and nopony liked grieving the loss of loved ones, especially to those who had no qualms about eating them . So... it was either appeasing the small population of predatory birds or offending them and causing untold suffering because we were squeamish about eating a little bit of meat, no matter where it came from (I was so going to throw up later).
By the end of dinner, Cadance looked disturbed at the fact that her body had no problem digesting her 'meal' while Aunt Celestia didn't let it show on her face that she would rather sleep next to the toilet that night. I was the only one largely unfazed by it, but I was a demon. I was used to people behaving like monsters around me (not that I liked it any more than they did, to be honest).
Günther the Hühnerauge was rather impressed by my stony façade, and the stupid chicken had the gall to propose a political marriage between his thirty-year-old son and me. While I was looking like a fucking fifteen-year-old teenager . So... I guessed pedophilia was another thing on the list of 'What the fuck is wrong with you?!' with these people.
Aunty Cellyjelly politely declined on my behalf, stating that I was already 'engaged' to someone, and the same was true for Cadance (totally not implying anything there). It was a blatant lie, but the idiot bought it nonetheless. Thank God. I might have had my grievances with our 'aunt' about a few things, but I was glad she at least had my best interests at heart.
The only good thing about this trip was that my bed didn't face the direction of the sunrise the following morning. I was glad that it would 'only' last for about a week before we were bound to head home.
...heh. It was interesting that I had already started to think of it like that. I never thought I would look forward to living my life in Equestria as a princess, but all things considered, I could have ended up with way worse options. I could do without the diplomatic visits to countries like Griffonia, though.
That night, Cadance gleefully participated in tormenting the over-glorified chicken by giving them embarrassing dreams. She let her inner demon shine as she came up with one horrifying idea after another, and I couldn't help but cackle evilly next to her as we gave the royal family dreams of litter boxes. Served them right.
Chapter 006 - The Summer Sun Celebration.
Our trip back to Canterlot took place one week after our initial arrival in Griffonia, and Cadance and I couldn't be happier to be out of there. Things got rather unpleasant when they started to figure out something was amiss with their dreams, and we were (rightfully) blamed for their nightmares.
Aunty Celestia 'admonished' us for playing pranks on the griffon royalty, but I could tell she was secretly proud of us. She blamed it on a fairy tale monster called 'Nightmare Moon,' a nightmarish boogeymare living on the moon as far as I understood it. She just barely avoided starting a war with the racist catbirds.
Negotiations went worse than initially hoped, but she told us it was okay since she didn't expect to get very far with the neighboring country. It was par for the course with them, and she was happy they agreed to at least keep the peace treaty between our two nations. It was better than some other years they fought for control over where the border was drawn in the past.
The majority of our stay there was spent at the negotiation table, with one side shouting at us while Aunty Sunnybunny merely smiled like they were particularly nasty children throwing a tantrum. Cadance and I spent most of our free time fooling around redecorating some of the less-used hallways of their castle by hanging the pictures upside down and putting entire shelves' worth of books back in the wrong order in their library. And we let a few rats into their pantry in revenge for making us eat their questionable mystery meat.
The rats were happy to have a chance at a full meal while the chefs tried to futilely get them to scram. We barely avoided getting caught in the act while a kitchen hand received all the blame for leaving the door open. We felt only mildly bad that an innocent bystander got caught in the crossfire of our pranks, but I was sure he deserved it, anyway. And if not, I wouldn't give a fuck, either way.
As far as entertainment went, I had a hard time concentrating on my smut novel while hearing Cadance moan from the room next to mine. I swear, she did that on purpose every fucking evening. The screams of 'Oh, yes!' and 'Fuck me!' were incredibly distracting, and I was more than once tempted to pay her a visit and/or steal her toy. Alas, I was too much of a coward and afraid of ruining my friendship with her.
Our 'vacation' was over soon after that, and the ride back to Canterlot felt quicker than our ride to Griffonia. Whether that was due to the wind being on our side or just the relief of getting the Hell away from those racist fucks, I couldn't decide either way. I was just happy to be back in my own bed by the end of the day, sun be damned.
Kibitz thankfully got around to installing near-dark blinds to shut the sun out, at least. The curtains had a similar purple color to my mane and tail, and I was already thinking about painting the walls a dark red to make the room even less bright. The floor was easily covered with a plush carpet that felt comfier than my bed.
I also changed the covers and pillows for that one with red and black to make it appropriately edgy. Then, I got some generic music festival posters and replaced the bright white couch and table with two beanbags for the sitting area. The rest of the lounge was decorated with the same kind of furniture I already had, just with less colorful colors. I wanted to change the kitchen area of my suite into a bar, but Kibitz threw a wrench into my plans for that one. No alcohol for me until I was 'eighteen,' he said. As if I would go sober for three years, fuck that.
I got some mood lamps, speakers, and a sound system to make the atmosphere a bit cozier so I could hang out and relax whenever I didn't have to attend lessons. At least I was allowed to get a mini fridge to round out my little comfort zone.
Cadance went the opposite of my edgy redecorating. However, she, too, replaced most of her furniture with something more appropriate for our age than the grandmother style we had before. Where I went with red and black, she went full-tilt pink. Not the deeply saturated pink, granted, but pink nonetheless.
Her bedroom had a carpet similar to mine, just with a pale pink coloration. She changed her bed's covers to baby blue and replaced the pillows with heart-shaped cushions and a full-length body pillow. It didn't have a print on it since Kibitz thought it was unbecoming of a princess to go with the lewd version, much to Cadance's displeasure.
Her lounge area looked more or less the same, only with more of those heart-shaped pillows strewn around. I thought it would have looked ridiculous, but it somehow still appeared pleasant to look at. Since Cadance quickly became a makeup kind of gal, she also got one of those big mirrors with lights around it.
I refrained from commenting on it since I wanted one of my own now to sell the whole 'Pleasure' image I got going on for me. Sadly, I ran out of allowance for this month (we got some extra for the trip to Griffonia), so my dream of turning my suite into a sex dungeon had to wait a little while longer. Not that Kibitz would let me do whatever I wanted, but a girl could dream, right?
Cadance also got some cute plushies and flowers to decorate the rest of her suite with, giving it more of a girl-next-door vibe.
She also got a fancy new oven for her kitchen since she liked baking a lot, and her walk-in closet got a few new dresses with the rest of her money. They were nothing to write home about, but they made her look her age. They were pretty risque but not too risque. They were dresses you would wear in a club and not a BDSM dungeon.
Since school wasn't scheduled to start until August, we were stuck with private tutors six to eight hours a day (even on weekends, fuck me), while Aunt Jellysun would teach us more about our princess duties for an hour or two in the afternoon. That usually meant sitting in court with her, but at least it was entertaining enough. Some nobles really thought that just because there was a loophole in a law somewhere , they could exploit it. The dumb fucks weren't able to get away with everything as long as Aunty Tia was on the throne.
It sucked to live in a monarchy with a ruler actually doing her job for the betterment of everypony and not just the rich, didn't it? Cadance enjoyed these kinds of moments as much as I did. She always found the same ponies in the Dream Realm the following night who didn't understand what 'No' meant. I couldn't help but shed a proud tear as she gave them an unpleasant dream or two. They grew up so fast, didn't they?
Anyway, by the end of June, we had to attend the 'Summer Sun Celebration' in a city named Mane hattan. It was basically the Big Apple, only ponified and less dirty. The event itself was a way to celebrate the longest day of the year and Aunt Celestia's reign as Equestria's high princess. That was a fancy way of saying queen, but who was I to begrudge her for not wanting to be seen as cold and uncaring? Even in this world, the word 'queen' had some unpleasant connotations. Something about the previous rulers of Unicornia being dicks and whatnot.
There was also the whole thing about the Nightmare Moon fairy tale that Aunt Jellycelly didn't feel like correcting ponies on and a big party that continued throughout the night before she raised the sun in a flashy display in front of a huge crowd. It was alright in my books, and Cadance had a lot of fun staying up late dancing to loud music in the streets. Ponies knew how to party; I had to admit that much.
Of course, there were plenty of ponies trying to get close to us, but most of them got the hint that I didn't appreciate them making a move on us with a glare or two. I would have gladly drained them dry of 'fluids,' but I was trying to turn over a new leaf here, damnit. And besides, nopony got to make a move on Cadance. She wasn't some conquest, for fuck's sake.
Cadance nudged me, a bright smile on her muzzle. "Come on, stop glaring at everypony and have some fun!" she told me, dragging me with her for a dance. I felt my face heat up as I stood there awkwardly, never having learned to dance. At least, not outside the bedroom, and certainly not as a pony.
"Cadance..." I muttered, feeling embarrassed. What a weird sensation for a centuries-old demon to have. Not that I felt like a centuries-old demon, to be honest. My life had been too messed up for time to have had much of an effect on my mind.
"Come on, it's easy!" she said while her smile didn't falter for a single second. "Just move your legs with a little bounce in your step. Everything else comes naturally, you'll see!"
I gave her a doubtful look but started to move as I was told once she gave me one of her pleading looks. I was sure I looked like an idiot, but the radiant smile on her muzzle was worth the mild discomfort. I kept surprising myself with what I would do for this pink menace. She was the only one who ever managed to make my heart stir. Not even the cockroach of a man I called my ex did that. Not that I had any love left for that asshole, and I doubted he ever did for me.
Soon enough, Cadance and I were bumping against each other. Me because of my inexperience and Cadance because she made it into a game, laughing each time she did so.
It felt strangely fun. The only experience I had with this kind of thing was when I was out hunting in clubs, grinding myself against a man to entice them, and that could hardly be called dancing. This was similar, but I didn't do it to get laid later that day. We were just fooling around and having a great time, doing our own thing while nopony else paid us any attention. Well, as much as a pair of princesses could, at any rate.
Sometime during the night, we both ended up with enough neon sticks bent around our fetlocks and hanging off our horns and ears that it was a challenge not to shake them off with our chaotic movements. Cadance looked like she was having the time of her life, and I honestly felt like my baggage wasn't weighing me down as heavily as it usually did. For a moment, I could even block out my time in Hell and feel like a normal girl again.
It was just too bad the night couldn't have lasted longer than it did, and we had to act like proper princesses in front of these ponies again. It was fun while it lasted, at least.
Aunty Celestia rose the sun from where we stood on the stage set up by the ponies of Manehattan, and with it came the exhaustion of staying up all night long. At least we wouldn't have any lessons until the next day, so we could take it easy and relax before we returned to Canterlot.
By then, summer vacation had started for most ponies, and the streets were even fuller due to that. Canterlot, as well as the castle itself, was a hot spot for tourists all over Equestria, and since only a few ponies got a chance to see us at our coronation, many hoped to catch a glimpse of us now in court and castle tours. I stayed the Hell away from the path the tour guides frequently used, all the while avoiding Sunset in the library and castle hallways, as well.
Whatever that girl was up to, I was getting seriously bad vibes from her. The door to her dream in the Dream Realm was turning darker and darker with an ominous feeling, and Cadance was getting concerned.
While she was a fucking bully and could go choke on a dick, I didn't really wish actual harm on the amber unicorn. I knew where that attitude led and wouldn't wish Hell on my worst enemies. That place brought out the worst in people, seriously.
Aunt Celestia told us she would look into whatever her problem was so at least Cadance could rest easily. It didn't make us any less paranoid about Sunset taking her frustration out on us, but it was at least a start getting her off our cases. She had been trying to sabotage us every chance she got, whether through intimidation or physical force.
Cadance quickly shied away when verbally abused, but I wasn't so easily cowed. Usually, I was the one that had to deal with bruises and the like. I never hit back, not because I feared retaliation, but because I was pretty sure I would be sent back to Hell for murder if I did. I didn't think using excessive force to make her bleed counted as self-defense.
Thankfully, we didn't have to deal with our amber bully all that often—aside from breakfast and dinner on most days (or the library when it couldn't be avoided). She was rather predictable with where she spent her time, so it was only a matter of not catching her attention when we wanted to check out a book or two.
Aside from learning eight hours a day when everypony else enjoyed their free time, we spent our days practicing unicorn magic and hanging out either in Cadance's apartment suite or mine. Usually in the pink pony's suite when she had friends over from school.
Speaking of school, I was catching Cadance up on speaking Prench and teaching her what little I knew of Italian. Not that I was all that good with 'Prench,' either—seriously, who came up with that ponyism—but at least I could speak it without butchering every second sentence or so. She actually made a friend of Prench descent during that one day we spent sitting in on Canterlot Academy's curriculum. Fleur was fluent in speaking the language despite it not being her actual mother tongue since her family has lived in Canterlot for multiple generations now.
Cadance was only slightly unsure of herself when speaking unfamiliar words. She quickly got the hang of it whenever we gave her an example of pronunciation, though. Most of her difficulties came from remembering which gender a word had and stringing words together when the next one started with a vowel. It was easier to spot on a piece of paper, but the entire point of the liaisons was speaking freely without stumbling over the following word (and sounding more melodic, but whatever).
Seeing her tear up in frustration at getting it wrong time after time was cute, but our encouragement appeased her enough to keep trying. French was harder than German in that regard only. Due to the similarity of the two languages, many words sounded similar to their English counterparts. Not that that made it any easier to remember everything else.
I was still of the opinion that German was easier to speak. Sure, it was a difficult and complex language to learn, but there was no guessing which word was pronounced in which way. If you knew one sound, you were pretty much set for every word containing it. The only truly challenging part came from the different S-sounds, getting used to the somewhat sharper pronunciation, and the noun markers. Grammar was easy once you understood the rules behind it, as was the case for tenses. You were pretty much set once you started speaking it without floundering over your sentences.
My only difficulties with the subjects we needed to learn were history and memorizing the map of this world. It looked similar enough to Earth, but fuck getting confused by so many weird ponyisms. It wasn't just the countries, but evidently enough, the city names and rivers as well as the forests and mountains. Ponies just loved naming everything after ponies, pony anatomy, or some other pony reference. But that was the case for every other species, too, making it a nightmare to get their names right for everything as well. Perfect memory could only help me out so much when the subject itself confused the Hell out of me.
Then, there were the weird anomalies that truly differentiated this world from Earth. One example was Canada, which was a frozen wasteland simply called the 'Frozen North' where Unicornia used to be. The yaks inhabited those remains now (or what little was left of those ruins, at least).
Europe consisted of, like... six countries. The Nordic Ponylands where Norway, Sweden, and Finland were supposed to be. Germaneigh took up much of the center next to Prance and Italony, while to the east was the former Griffon Empire. Next to Prance were Spony and Griffonstone. Above those were the Great Diamond Dog Queendoms. Whatever those were.
Africa consisted of many different zebra nations with the odd few colonies here and there, and Asia... was Asia. Just with ponies and dragons living in isolation behind a big wall, go figure. Australia, on the other hoof, looked way busier than its Earth counterpart. From the looks of it, every species on Equis made it their home, and they got along pretty well with each other (much better than any other nation, too).
Which brought us to South America. Past the Macintosh Hills and Griffonia were the Badlands, the Bone Dry Desert, and the Forbidden Jungle. A lot of it was unexplored land, and every book I could find on it just gave a general warning to not wander into it as some kind of Aztec monsters inhabited the land there. The jungle was unforgiving, and the murder-happy ponies living there were known to sacrifice ponies to their mad gods.
Curiously enough, the ocean was part of a country named 'Seaquestria' (very imaginative), and at the bottom was the south pole aptly named 'The Frozen South.' The oceans themselves fell under the authority of Queen Novo, an immortal sea goddess who rarely negotiated with the 'land dwellers.' Basically, she put a stop to sea warfare entirely, and anyone not respecting her domain was drowned on sight, no exceptions.
It didn't help that she literally commanded genuine sea monsters as if they were her pets. And all of that started because some dickhead called the 'Storm King' tried to mess with her. Two guesses where his island nation rested now, and the first one didn't count.
Yeah, this world might look magical to the uninitiated, but even here, people knew how to hold a grudge and threaten everyone else with their version of a nuke. Every girl's dream come true, right? Yeah... totally.
Anyway! Before long, summer vacation ended, and with it came the start of a new school year. Yay... woo hoo...
Chapter 007 - The Nerd Club.
It went without saying that I grumbled with displeasure as Cadance threw open the curtains of my bedroom window before she hopped onto my bed with a spring in her step. Ugh. How could she be so fucking happy in the morning? It should be illegal to wake someone up so early, seriously.
"Good Morning, Pleasure~!" Cadance exclaimed. She was already disguised as her alicorn visage while she had put up her mane in a ponytail. It was such a shame she had gotten a haircut since our coronation. I liked it more back when it was still wild and untamed. This hairdo? It made her look childish, instead. So many conflicting feelings...
Ngh. I was way too fucking tired to deal with her shit this early in the morning. "Fuck off, Cadance," I moaned, grabbing a pillow and hiding underneath it with my head. My blissful darkness didn't last long as she ripped the pillow out of my grasp with her light blue horn magic. Since when did she get so good at using her horn? She was better at it than I was!
"Get up, lazy bum," she told me, and I huffed, annoyed. "Aunty made pancakes~," she sing-songed.
My ears perked up at that, and I reluctantly slid out of bed, bleary-eyed. Cadance giggled before she reminded me to change as I was about to leave my bedroom. It wouldn't have blown my cover immediately, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Our rooms were usually not guarded since the entire suite was private access, but sometimes the maids were already present with a new change of bed covers and cleaning supplies. Demon sweat did not smell pleasant, let me tell you.
I donned my visage while forgoing my usual ritual of combing my mane and tail to no avail in favor of arriving at breakfast on time. Maybe I should get a haircut as well. I've been too lazy, but then again... I kinda liked it a bit longer. Damn the tangles, though.
It was a rare occasion that Aunt Cellybutt was in the mood to cook breakfast herself, but when she did—Oh, boy, she went all out. I salivated at the stack of syrupy goodness, a happy smiley drawn on top of it with cream and fruit. While it wasn't typically expected of a princess like her, Aunty Celestia was a mean cook. She put most of her own chefs to shame and was actually banned from every cooking competition out there. She was that good.
"Good Morning, you two," Aunt Tia greeted us, and I muttered my own back with a mouthful already shoved into my muzzle. The big sun goose swan horse smiled good-naturedly as I moaned whorishly while Cadance greeted her properly. When pancakes made by Aunty Jellysun were involved, I knew no table manners. Not that I was all that big on table manners in the first place, either way, but still. They were better than sex, I swear. "Are you excited for school?"
I gave her a weirded-out look while Cadance nodded. Who actually liked going to school? Aside from the pink goddess of love, apparently. She didn't count; she was popular .
"I'm sure you will do great," Aunt Celestia said. Sunset shambled into the dining room after she said that, and once the amber unicorn saw the pancakes on our plates, she immediately gave us the stink eye. I glanced at her plate of pancakes and looked back at her questioningly. What? Weren't we allowed to have Aunty Tia's cooking now as well? Fuck you, too. "Ah, Sunset! How was your night?"
"Fine," she grumbled with a noticeable growl. She took her plate and left while Aunt Celestia sagged a little in her seat. Great. Be a buzzkill, why don't you? Stupid bitch. I fucking hated her attitude, seriously.
"I'm sorry, Aunty," Cadance said, looking apologetic for how Miss Queen Bitch treated her. "I'm sure she didn't mean it like that."
"It's okay, Cadance," Aunt Celestia said, a sad smile on her white muzzle. Her coat looked noticeably less pristine now that I gave her a closer look. The stress and drama between her and her student was starting to get to her.
"No, it's not," I said bluntly, frowning slightly, myself. "Sunset has been like that ever since we showed up, Cellybutt. Whatever her problem with us is, it's not just her mommy issues."
"Pleasure," Cadance admonished me, but Aunty Sunnyjam held her hoof up to stop her from berating me further.
"No, Cadance. Forbidden is right; Sunset has been getting worse. I think my student must have been thinking I was teaching her to become a princess—which I was—but it has become abundantly clear that she lacks the compassion and selflessness required to be one."
That, and she probably got the wrong idea when you told her you adopted us as your nieces while she was merely your 'student,' I thought with disdain. I didn't voice my thoughts out loud, but I was sure she got the impression I wasn't a fan of how things had played out between us so far.
"I'll talk to her again," Aunty Tia sighed. "Maybe some reassurance will help set her back on the right path."
"Sure," I rolled my eyes, going back to eating. "Whatever."
"Is there anything we can do to help, Aunty?" Cadance asked, only for Auntia to shake her head.
"I fear not," she answered, frowning in concern. "She would just push you away if you tried. She's a complicated pony."
Yeah, right. If by 'complicated' you mean 'jealous' and 'power hungry,' then she was a very complicated pony.
Auntlestia stood up to leave and gave us one last glance. "Now, eat up and don't be late for school, okay? I will see you later today. Have fun~."
I waved, and Cadance nodded before Aunt Tia left. Then, my pink friend gave me a look. I slowed in my chewing. "...what?"
"First off, don't speak with your mouth full," she complained, and I rolled my eyes, shoving another piece of pancake into my mouth to spite her. "And secondly, don't you care?"
"I care plenty," I snorted, swallowing my food down.
"Funny way of showing it, sometimes," she shot back with a frown. "You're making this harder on her than it already is."
"I'm trying to help her in my own way," I sneered, and Cadance rolled her eyes.
"By antagonizing her?"
"No, by being blunt," I shot back, glaring at her. "She's clearly too blind to give Sunset what she actually wants. And no, I don't mean a pair of wings and a fancy title. I mean a fucking mother . She adopted us, but Sunset? She's just her 'student.' Do you have any idea how much that must bother her?"
Cadance shrank in on herself, looking down glumly. "What should we do?"
"Yeah, well... nothing," I grumbled, immediately seeing her give me an incredulous look. "Look, Sunnybum is right. Sunset hates our guts if the bullying wasn't a clear enough indicator for you yet. What do you expect us to do, huh? I'm a—" I leaned in closer, whispering the next part, "I'm a demon ; my kind causes strife and bloodshed. We don't make things better; we break them. You're better off trying to get one of the angel pricks to come down from their stupid Silver City and help you out. Not that they would sooner be caught having sex in public than lift a finger to help the mortal races."
My friend let out a defeated sigh as she slumped further into her seat, depressed. She pushed the plate of pancakes back and forth listlessly, her enthusiasm for them curbed thoroughly. "Is that it, then? We just wait and see what happens?"
"You're welcome to try and convince Sunset to not be an ass or 'Aunty' to stop giving her false hopes," I shrugged, putting my fork down with a grumble. Fucking Hell, this drama, I swear. They better make up quickly, or I would have to give Aunt Sunbutt a piece of my mind. "I've already made things worse than they should be; I'll admit that much. As much as I want to give you a solution, I'm not the pony you should ask about relationship stuff." Not if it didn't involve sucking dick, that is. "Now, come on, school is like... twenty minutes away, and we can't be late for our first day." Our actual first day. The surprise visit we paid them didn't count.
Cadance sighed, standing up from her cushion. "Okay," she muttered, notably less happy to leave the conversation where we left it off, not that she had any better ideas about what we should do regarding Sunbutt Senior and Sunbitch Junior.
We picked up our saddlebags from where we left them in our rooms. I tried fixing my bed mane to no avail—no surprise there—and Cadance reminded me that I was supposed to wear my regalia, but I told her to go fuck herself. I wasn't going to wear that shit for more than six hours while the sun was trying to cook us to its best ability in a room full of sweaty, adolescent, horny teenagers. Summer wasn't over just yet.
Cadance took my words to heart (not the actual 'go fuck yourself,' but the rant about metal being hot when it heated up, duh) before she kicked her shoes back into her room, putting her tiny, little mini crown back in its display case, and throwing the chest piece hastily on her bed.
She caught back up to me while I smiled smugly at her, and she rolled her eyes. "Don't say anything."
I chuckled and gave our escort slash babysitter the signal we were leaving. Apparently, we couldn't leave the castle without at least one guard to keep an eye on us—not that that stopped us from shaking them off from time to time to have some fun in the city.
The walk to Canterlot Academy was as eventful as I could expect from the early morning rush of kids hurrying to school and adults making their way to work slurping on a coffee like the half-awake zombies that they were. Even in magic pony land, things didn't change.
Obviously, we gained a lot of attention by being caught outside the castle, but we didn't let that stop us from arriving on time with a few minutes to spare. Cadance and I went our separate ways as we had different first periods due to her decision to take Prench while I went to the classroom for German.
Apparently, Equestria didn't do homeroom at the start of school (or at all, really), so attendance was checked for every individual subject instead of students being assigned a standard class roster like I was used to. Since it was a massive waste of time doing nothing, our fair country decided it was more efficient to drop it and jump straight into lessons instead. If there were some important announcements to be made, the teachers could just give a quick word during the first period, anyway.
As for my German class, the room was utter cringe as I entered it. The teacher was an old, balding pony with one of those tattersall shirts only stuffy old men would wear, and he had a permanent frown etched on his brown muzzle. To his side on the desk stood an abacus while behind him, above the blackboard, was a 'Germaneigh' flag with a stylized image of a pretzel and stein on it. On the left side of the blackboard was a flag of Bavaria on a flagpole, while on the right was the Equestrian Unification flag. And there was a shelf full of soccer memorabilia. Any more cliché, and I think I would have elected to join Cadance with Prench instead.
"Guten Morgen," he said, inclining his head ever so slightly as the other students started to trickle in. I wasn't the first one here, so I just sat in the middle by the window since that area seemed relatively empty. "Wie ich sehe, haben wir Neuzugang."
I gave the old coot an unamused glance for singling me out already but decided to humor him. "Yeah, yeah. Guten Morgen. Es ist mir eine Ehre. Bla bla bla," I told him dryly, and he gave me a surprised look at my flawless pronunciation and accent. One learned a thing or two when literal fucking World War Two Nazis made up a good part of Hell. That seemed to be a universal constant for the multiverse; they all ended up downstairs, no matter what era or country they came from. Extreme right-wingers were evil; it was as simple as that.
"Sind Sie deutsch?" our teacher asked me while the other students looked at us weirdly.
"No," I replied bluntly, tired of the attention going my way. One would expect someone being able to speak a language fluently to not be a big deal, but apparently, it was. Even the teacher had a noticeable accent that made it obvious he wasn't a native speaker.
"Well, be that as it may, I look forward to having you this year," he told me, and I muttered a 'Whatever' as he cleared his throat to start class properly. The murmurs from the other students quieted down, and he wrote his name on the blackboard with a piece of dwindling white chalk. "I'm glad so many of you decided to take another year practicing this beautiful, poetic language, and for everyone else attending for the first time, I am Coffee Pot, but you may call me Mister Pot. We will start with a simple aptitude test to see how much you already know or have retained."
"Bet the nerd's gonna get flawless marks," a student behind me muttered to her neighbor, and I kept myself from growling as my ear flicked. Great. Some kids really deserved Hell. Petty bullies.
"I bet she got all the fancy tutors to get her to speak so well before school started," came the reply, and I tried to drown out their idiotic conversation. "Who knows why these brats even decided to attend our school since they have the resources to pay for their degree."
"Yeah," the other kid agreed dumbly. "At least the other one is not a bat. I heard they drink blood."
Oh, for fuck's sake. Of course, they had to be racist shits, too. And for your information, I never once drank blood in my life unless kinky sex was involved! Thank you very much.
Anyway, that was the moment when the teacher came around to give us our test sheets with really basic, fundamental questions that even a five-year-old could ace. Of course, Dumb and Dumber were hushedly whispering about which answer might be correct and how to spell one word or another. I was tempted to throw them off their game by telling them the wrong answers, but I decided against it before they took it out on me later.
Sometimes being nice sucked big time.
Obviously, I got an A plus for my answers; the teacher even pointed out that I corrected the mistakes he made writing the tasks, which earned me even more weird looks and jeers from everyone else. I really should have resisted the temptation, but who was I to give a fuck about what others thought of me (aside from Cadance, but she wasn't here, and I hadn't done anything to earn a genuinely displeased frown from her yet).
After the aptitude test was over, our teacher gave us a simple reading and listening task as he fumbled with the CD player. I guessed that was another universal constant: teachers, no matter where they came from, always had difficulties with the most basic pieces of technology.
I cringed at the listening comprehension task as the German they spoke sounded incredibly off, and I quietly suffered through the rest of the lesson. As far as first periods went, it could have been a lot worse, but I already had a feeling I would learn to hate Mondays all over again. Here, I thought German would be the least aggravating period of my school day. Obviously, I was wrong.
I was on my way over to catch up to Cadance for our second period of math when I got tripped, and the jerks from earlier giggled like the bitches they were. God fucking damnit. I hated school, seriously.
"Hey, you okay?" I heard a voice to my left before a brownish-gray hoof entered my vision. I looked up and saw a teenage colt with a silverish, arctic blue mane and violet eyes. His eyes widened as he saw the horn on my head in addition to my leathery bat wings. "Y-you y-you y-you're an alicorn?!"
"Y-yeah, y-yeah, y-yeah ," I shot back with a mean bite in my voice, exaggeratedly mimicking his stammer. Fucking idiots, all of them. So what if I was? I wasn't the only one. Fuck off. Mind your own business, seriously.
"Eight Bit, you coming?" one of his friends called out to him, and he glanced briefly back at somepony behind me.
"Just a sec!" this 'Eight Bit' said before helping me back on my hooves and putting my books back into my saddlebag with a smile. "I, uh... I'm sorry about those girls."
"It's fine ," I grunted, shoving past him.
"I'm Eight Bit!" he commented after me, and I rolled my eyes.
"So I heard," I sneered to myself.
"Uhm... what's your name?" he asked as he followed me, and I gave him a miffed look. Was he for real? "I'm sorry. Did I do something to offend you?"
"How about talking to me?" I grunted unhappily. "I'm not going to be your friend because you helped me up, idiot."
"Oh," he said awkwardly. "I was just trying to be nice."
"Whatever," I huffed. "Don't you have classes to get to?"
"Right," Eight Bit nodded, rubbing his neck. "Look, I, uh... I was wondering if you would like to sit with us at lunch?"
I glanced at him incredulously, and he shrank down on himself. "No."
"O-okay," he mumbled dejectedly. "Sorry for bothering you, then."
I ignored him as he finally left me alone, and I met back up with Cadance just as the bell rang.
"Who was that?" she asked me, a sly smile on her muzzle. "A new friend~?"
I snorted. "As if."
Cadance gave me a friendly bump, and I grumbled. Her smile was insufferable, seriously. "You know it wouldn't be bad to make some new friends, right?"
"You do know all of them just want something from us, right?" I shot back, annoyed. "I'm not a fan of fake sycophants, Cady. I've been stabbed in the back more times than I care to count, and I mean that literally. You try pulling a dagger out of your spine, I dare you."
"You do know these are just teenagers, right?" she countered me, unfazed by my morbid argument. She laid a wing over my back, a sympathetic expression in her pretty purple eyes. "Nopony has it out for you. You're not in—you know, there anymore. Ponies are different. You're safe here, Ish."
"Right," I scoffed, avoiding her gaze. Should have seen the two bitches earlier, then. I pushed away her wing, carefully hiding my emotions behind a mask of cold indifference. "Can we get to math now? Before we get a tardy mark? I'd rather avoid Aunty Sunbutt finding out we were late or skipped classes on our first day."
"Sure," she sighed, clearly unhappy that I ended that conversation prematurely. "Just think about it, please?"
I didn't give her an answer as I spotted our next classroom. I held the door open for her as we made it just in time for the teacher, Miss Parabola, to call out our names. We took the only two empty seats in the front row of the class, and I lamented the fact that there was a pony between us, but at least the bitches from earlier were in a different class. Thank God for small miracles.
Math, while not my favorite subject, was friggin' easy. It was all shit I learned a long time ago and had it memorized. Demons had the advantage of perfectly memorizing everything that happened to them, whether from when they were still mortal or after they were imprisoned in Hell. That was the reason why almost every demon was a petty, resentful shit. We literally did not forget being wronged ever .
Cadance wasn't quite as good at math yet, but that was only due to her still needing the proper understanding despite being able to remember every word in her textbooks now. That might be handy for certain things, but having a book in your memories was less helpful than some people thought. You needed to understand the content for it to be beneficial.
The double period was over soon enough. Not so much for Cadance—she looked like she was keeping an eye more on the clock than her equations. At least the teacher was a fun mare who made the topic actually engaging. It was a nice refresher, consolidating my existing skills in a firmer, tighter framework. Considering my future as a princess, I was going to need it.
Anyway, we also had history for the next period together. Cadance was better at it since I wasn't yet well-versed in Equis' history, but I had no trouble following along. The politics lesson mixed into it reminded me why I didn't want to be stuck in class with other kids, though. It pretty much boiled down to us being the center of attention during the whole lesson as we had to play pretend court. I was glad once it was over.
Then, the time for lunch came. I told Cadance to go ahead and find some seats in the cafeteria while I went to use the 'little fillies' room (just thinking about the ponyism made me want to gag). Once I was done, I made my way to the crowded area every student in this damn school seemed to visit at the same time, only to notice Dumb and Dumber sitting next to Cadance with one Buck Withers blatantly making the moves on her. Of fucking course.
I faltered as the bitches took notice of me with Cadance none-the-wiser, thinking better than to join her. Ugh. Fucking Hell.
"Don't say a word," I said as I sat down at Eight Bit's table with his little posse of nerds. The other three colts gave me a surprised look while the pegasus perked up.
"Holy shit, you didn't lie," the orange-beige unicorn exclaimed in a whispered shout while the awkward white unicorn with the deep blue mane seemed to freeze up at the sight of me. The tiny runt with the glasses next to Eight Bit did a spit-take right in my face. Great.
"Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry!" his friend said, ducking down as if he expected me to hit him. Eight Bit offered me some paper towels, and I cleaned myself of the juice with a grimace.
"Yeah, well... fuck you," I grumbled, throwing the used towels back at the little shit.
"I didn't mean to!" he apologized, and I sighed.
You know what? Forget it. I wasn't going to hold it against him; he already seemed to have a hard enough time as it was if his first reaction was to flinch back and cower in fear. I might have been a demon, but I was not heartless. Well... not as heartless and cruel as the rest of my misbegotten brethren were, at least. I wasn't going to lie; I could be a bitch as well, sometimes.
"I'm surprised you took up my offer," Eight Bit said, and I nabbed myself some of the fries from Spit-Take's plate. It was the least he could sacrifice to appease my anger.
"Well, Cadance found some new 'friends,' " I sneered, totally not mad or jealous that she would hang out with those trash ponies. Not. At. All. "So, what are your names? If we're going to hang out, I'd like to get to know you guys first."
"Uh..." the white unicorn groaned like a fucking zombie while Mister Spit-Take introduced himself as Poindexter. The orange and beige pinto unicorn introduced himself as Gaffer while giving me the name of the zombie guy. "Hel-lo!" Shining Armor exclaimed with a nervous yelp.
"Right," I said, giving the strange colt a weirded-out look. "What's up with him?" I asked, turning to Eight Bit and Gaffer. Those two seemed to be the only remotely normal ponies at this table.
"Don't worry about him. He's an idiot," Gaffer shrugged. Eight Bit seemed to nod along that same sentiment while Shining Armor let out a 'Hey!' at the friendly teasing. "What I want to know is why you're here. Couldn't you sit with anypony you want?"
"I am," I told him with a deadpan voice.
"What he meant was 'anypony but us,'" Poindexter clarified. "We're not exactly the popular guys around here if you haven't noticed."
I snorted. "You don't say," I commented sarcastically. "Look, if you don't want me here, I can go fuck off."
"No!" Eight Bit exclaimed before he shrank slightly as several ponies in the cafeteria turned to stare our way at the sudden loud noise. "No, you don't have to. We're glad to have you."
"Uh-huh," I said, not believing him. "Whatever your motives are, I'd rather find out now before I have to find out the hard way. So? What do you want?"
"N-nothing," he stammered.
"Sure," I rolled my eyes, skeptical. "I'm not going to be your girlfriend if that's what you were hoping for."
Eight Bit scowled back at me as he asked, "Are you always so bitchy?" I bristled, but before I could lay into him, he continued, "Look, I get it. You don't know us, I still don't know your name—"
I gave him a skeptical look. "Seriously?"
"—but we just want to be your friends," he said. "Anypony being bullied by Buck Withers' gang is a welcome friend in our group."
"I'm not being bullied," I denied, only for him to give me a doubtful look. I growled. "I'm not! I just don't hit back because I know it would be pointless." And I would probably crush their skulls if I did. I still haven't gotten a hang of my earthpony strength, and it wasn't exactly easy to hold back when I felt mad, to be honest. One too many cracked tiles in the castle could attest to that.
"Right," he muttered. "That's called being bullied . I should know; we've been targets of their ire from day one, too."
"Believe whatever you want," I grumbled, crossing my forelegs over each other. The idea was totally, utterly ridiculous. Me? Being bullied? Perish the thought. I was going to be the one tormenting them in their sleep later tonight. "So... what do you guys do for fun around here?"
"Oh!" Gaffer perked up. "We play Ogres and Oubliettes at Shining's place after school."
"The fuck is Ogres and Oubliettes?" I asked, confused.
"You don't know what Ogres and Oubliettes is?" Shining Armor gawked, getting over his zombie fever.
I gave him a look, silently confirming that he was indeed an idiot. "No," I said. "I'm not from around here if you haven't noticed. We didn't get much stuff like that back in 'our' village."
"It's a fantasy roleplaying game," Eight Bit answered me while Shining Armor looked sheepish. "You make a character on a sheet of paper and go on quests with your friends. It's fun; you should try it!"
Oh. So, like Dungeons and Dragons, then? It was pretty weird that magic ponies would play a fantasy roleplaying game, but whatever. "I wouldn't even know with whom I would play."
Right as I said that, the group of ponies sitting around the table perked up as one. Oh, fuck no. I shouldn't have said that. I really shouldn't have said that. "You could play with us," Gaffer proposed, an eager smile on his beige muzzle while his friends nodded in agreement next to him. "I'm the game master of our party. We could find an opening to include you in our ongoing campaign!"
"I..." I hesitated, uncertain. "I'm not sure. I—"
"Please?" Eight Bit asked, interrupting me. "It will be fun! And you did say you wanted to get to know us better. What better way to do that than to hang out and play games together?"
I glared at him. "I meant your names," was my grumbled response.
"That didn't stop you from asking what we do for fun around here," he said with a grin. Cheeky little shit. "Don't be so sour. I swear, you'll like it."
"You don't even know me," I shot back, totally not sour like he accused me of being. I wasn't sour . I just... didn't trust strangers. Or anyone, really. Except for Cady and maybe Aunty Sunbutt.
"That's the point, isn't it?" Eight Bit pointed out, and I opened my mouth before closing it again. He got me there. What a sly bastard.
"I could end up not liking it," I argued, even though my defense felt incredibly weak.
"You won't know until you try," Eight Bit countered, and Gaffer nodded in agreement while Poindexter and Shining watched our conversation with bated breath. "What's the harm in it? Afraid of being a nerd ?"
I raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't be sitting here if I were," I denied, slightly offended that he would dare presume what I thought. I've been an outsider my whole life; I wasn't bothered by it. At all. "Fine, I'll join you for one game. When do you play?"
"Yes!" Eight Bit cheered silently while the rest of his friends breathed a collective sigh of relief. "We usually play after school once we're done with homework, but Shining has flugelhorn practice today, and Poindexter has an appointment with the dentist. How about tomorrow?"
"Eh, I'll have to check with Tia. We're supposed to sit in on court with her after our private lessons from our tutors," I said, ignoring their looks at my casual use of her nickname. They should hear me use one of the more slanderous ones, seriously. "For Wednesday, we also have magic lessons, and on Thursdays, we have extended lessons with our 'Aunt.'"
"Friday, then?"
I shrugged. "Sure. I mean, Cadance and I usually chill together and explore Canterlot on the weekends or catch up on our lessons, but one less day can't hurt, I guess. I'm sure she won't mind."
"Y-you could also invite her!" Shining Armor interjected, and I glared at him.
"How about no?" I told him, smelling his horniness from a mile away. "Besides, she has new 'friends' now, I'm sure she won't want to hang out with you guys." And I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of being right, damnit. "Don't even think about asking her. She's more into makeovers and stuff like that."
"Oh," Shining muttered lamely, and I rolled my eyes. Teenagers.
We finished making our provisional plans before Eight Bit changed the topic to one of the latest movies in the theaters until the bell rang. It was some generic adventure flick where the knight saved the girl and whatnot; not something I would watch. I was just glad I didn't have to share the following few classes with Cadance (or the guys); I was half sure she would have confronted me about the absence at her table before teasing me smugly because I made friends with a bunch of horny, game-obsessed teenage colts.
Arts and crafts was more fun than I thought it would be. The teacher praised my 'ingenuity' in painting the canvas black and calling it the abyss of my soul, so I smashed it right in front of her face and called it art to see how far she was willing to go to call it 'flawless.' Of course, that quickly became a new trend since a princess did it, and I mentally declared Mrs. Paint a lost cause. I was pretty sure she spent too much time around the paint fumes in her classroom.
The last period was alchemy. It really was just chemistry mixed with magic, and we only did theory for that first day. The teacher, Bubbling Mixture, did show us a fun experiment at the start, though. Who knew you could turn an orange into an apple, flavor and all?
Cadance hung out with Dumb and Dumber after school was over, so I made my way back to the castle alone. I did the meager amount of homework I couldn't finish in class until it was time for our private lessons with our tutors. Arcane Sigil was a no-nonsense kind of guy, having little patience for mistakes as he crammed as much knowledge into our brains as he could in the two hours we had available on Mondays and Tuesdays after school.
Once we were done with that, we had an hour-and-a-half session in court with our aunt. I honestly preferred sitting still next to the throne and listening to stupid drivel from the nobles over the arrogant ass reprimanding us for not knowing the basics of economics, accounting, Equestrian law, and unicorn magic. But hey, at least Arcane Sigil wasn't a racist piece of shit. He was fair but harsh; I could give him that. The strict unicorn only cared about ensuring we understood each topic he taught us to prepare us for our (eventual) royal duties. After all, a ruler who knew what they were doing was an asset to the country instead of a liability.
Eh, it wasn't like we would ever have to rule our own country, right? The most we would ever have to deal with was to help out Aunt Cellybum with paperwork and court every now and again. And even then, there was little chance of us fucking things up beyond all repair since we could always rely on the big princess to give us advice and whatnot.
Anyway, Aunt Celestia occasionally asked us how our day went throughout the gaps in holding court. Cadance was pretty enthusiastic, talking about how nice everypony was to her while I kept my snide comments to myself. Just because I had a shitty day in the beginning, and felt miffed about her choice of friends, didn't mean I had to ruin it for her. What did I care if she hung out with false snakes, anyway? I gave her ample warning about being too trusting of strangers. Strangers that were obviously using her like I had been used my whole fucking life, I—
Aunty Tia nudged me. "Is everything okay, Pleasure?"
I averted my eyes from both her and Cadance, trying to rein in the piercing agony in my chest and the tears threatening to spill. Fuck me, I was a mess. Just... stop caring, Ishtar. Obviously, this had to happen; why did you even believe you wouldn't get burned by trying to make friends? I thought this time would be different, damn it.
"I'm fine," I lied through my gritted teeth. I hopped down from where I sat next to Auntlestia's throne, and Cadance tried to follow after me, but she didn't get far as I lost her in the castle's hallways. I skipped out on dinner that day as I sat perched on a random balcony that night, lost in thought.
At least the night was quiet. My tumultuous thoughts were noisy enough, as it was. And while Canterlot was certainly busy at night, I didn't hear much of the nightlife from up here where I was. Just me and the gentle whistling of the wind.
"Has anypony ever told you you look beautiful while gazing forlornly into the distance?" Cadance asked, and I tensed up as I heard her step closer to me. Fuck.
"How did you find me?" I asked with a frown, and she giggled.
"It wasn't that hard," she smiled, and I raised a brow questioningly at her. She pointed behind us, and I groaned as I realized it was Aunt Celestia's bedroom the balcony led to. Stupid castle palace. It looked the same everywhere on the outside. How come I had no problems navigating the interior but couldn't differentiate whose balcony belonged to whom on the outside? This was some fucked up reversed navigation issue, wasn't it?
"Why are you here?" I huffed, deciding to ignore my inability to differentiate the castle from the outside like every other normal pony would be able to.
Cadance frowned. "Why are you here?" Ugh. Fair point. "Why did you storm off earlier, Forbidden?"
Why, indeed. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Is it something I did?"
"No."
"Are you mad with me?"
"No."
"..." Cadance sighed before putting her chin on the railing of Aunt Jellysun's balcony, sagging down depressedly. "Did something happen at school?" she asked, glancing at me like a sad puppy.
I didn't answer her, nor did I meet her pretty purple eyes. Ugh. Why the fuck couldn't she just leave me alone to mope? She really was an annoying, cute pink pest.
"Is it because I spent time with Lemony Gems and Diamond Rose at lunch?" she asked, and I forced myself not to tense. So that was what Dumb Bitch Number One and Idiot Number Two were called. Dumb and Dumber fit them better, in my opinion. "Please, Pleasure. Talk to me."
"What do you want me to say?!" I asked, raising my voice slightly in anger. "You can be friends with whomever you want! You don't need my fucking permission. Leave me the fuck alone."
"You don't sound happy about it," Cadance pointed out, and I ground my teeth against each other. Just drop it already, for fuck's sake. Go bother someone else, seriously. "Did they do something to you?"
"..."
I stayed silent even as Cadance turned to face me. Her muscles were tense, and a seething rage entered her eyes. They started to glow ominously, and a faint smell of ozone gave away her true nature. "What did they do..?"
"Nothing," I deflected, not in the mood to cause drama between her and her new 'friends.'
"If they hurt you, I'll—"
"Do what?" I snapped back at her, eyes glowing demonically as my voice twisted darkly. "You'll maim them? Rip and tear their flesh from their bones while they scream for mercy?" I challenged her as the smell of foul eggs dominated the stench of holy righteousness. "Go ahead. Lose what precious grace you have and stain your soul with unforgivable sin. Become a monster like me ."
"Ishtar..." she whispered, and I snarled at my True Name being used, even without the intention of her using it against me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"
"Save it," I interrupted her. "I don't want to get in between you and those—"
The pink nephilim raised an eyebrow as I bit my tongue to keep myself from saying what I almost did. "Those what?"
"Those girls," I finished lamely, turning away from her. She was persistent as ever, though. I felt her wings envelop me from behind as she hugged me close to her chest. I tensed as she nuzzled me softly on the nape of my neck. I dared not breathe in to get a whiff of her scent. I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from thinking of her in a way friends shouldn't. I would only put our friendship at risk. I... I couldn't let it come to that. She deserved better than my dysfunctional ass. I had to maintain my distance from her. Somehow.
"I just want to understand. They did something to make you hate them, didn't they? What was it?" she asked, and I struggled not to lean into the comforting gesture. I felt strangely warm and small as the fight drained out of me the longer she stayed there. For reasons I couldn't explain, I kept letting my guard down around her. There was just something about her that made me feel... safe. Accepted. Understood. Free. Equal.
...loved. It tore me into pieces at the mere thought of losing all that.
"You know what I said about Eight Bit at first?" I mumbled almost inaudibly.
She hummed. "About everypony wanting something from us? I thought you started to get along with him and his friends at lunch. You even smiled a little."
For the record, I did not smile. That was definitely a lie, an exaggeration, nothing more. Despite her blatantly misreading my expression (I did not smile, I swear!), my annoyingly cute friend had a point. "Yeah," I said, rubbing one forehoof over the other. "I might have been projecting with his group, but I wasn't with those ponies you hung out with."
"Oh," Cadance muttered, not sounding very surprised after my earlier comments. I could still feel the disappointment, though. She wasn't very good at hiding her emotions from me yet. "They are using me because I'm popular, aren't they?"
"Yeah..." I nodded, and she sighed. "They also kinda tripped me after talking shit about us during the first period."
"Both of us?" she asked, and I nodded again. "Wow," she commented mutely, and I agreed with her. I knew it wasn't end-of-the-world material, but still. That kind of duplicity fucking sucked to find out—especially when you thought they were genuine friends. "Why didn't you say something to me? I would have listened to you, you know that. I will always listen to you."
That was exactly what I was afraid of. "And then what? Make you choose between them and me?" It would be so easy, too...
She snorted. "As if that would be much of a choice," Cadance argued, and I felt a flutter in my stomach. My breath hitched as I felt her sniff my mane with a hum. "I'd rather stick with my best friend than be friends with a pair of false snakes."
"Even if that means risking your popularity?" I asked, feeling suddenly insecure.
Cadance squeezed me a bit tighter against her chest. Despite my best efforts, I noticed that she smelled of roses. Fuck... "Especially then," she reassured me. "You don't think I'm that shallow, do you?"
I felt my ears wilt as she accused me of that. That was not what I thought of her. At all. I just... didn't want to ruin it for her. Heck, I was on the short end of the stick for ninety-nine percent of my life on Earth and in Hell. I knew how much it sucked to be a social outcast. To be viewed as nothing more than an object for sexual gratification...
"Can I trust you to talk to me the next time something like this happens?" she asked me, and I nodded with shame. Fucking Hell, she knew how to make me feel guilty, didn't she? "Good. And please don't talk about maiming ponies again. I still get flashbacks of Prismia and..." Cadance trailed off, but I didn't need to hear more to guess what she meant. Now I felt fucking awful for reminding her of what happened in her village.
Way to go, Ishtar. Way to go, you insensitive bitch. Why don't you return to Hell and stop pretending you don't deserve it. Clearly, it was the only place you belonged, idiot .
Because you like being a pony , a small part in the back of my mind whispered, and I shut that part up. What was there to like? Sure, the lavish lifestyle was nice, but was it fair of me to pretend to be something I was not? I was a sham, a fake .
...then again, I had a real chance to do some good here. And... even if I was lying about my pony race, I could identify myself more with the batpony tribe than I could with my misbegotten brethren in Hell. They deserved to have somepony to look up to just as much as every other pony tribe did with Princess Aunt Neglectful-Parent.
I might be a selfish bitch, and I might be insensitive sometimes, but I wasn't an asshole. Not on purpose, at least. I've done terrible shit to survive, sure, but only because I had no other choice. I could make my own choices here without the meddling influence of my demon 'mother.'
Aunty Sunbutt wasn't better in that regard, but at least she was nice about it. She also had the best interest of everypony in mind, and she let me do whatever I wanted as long as it didn't harm anyone. She cared .
Despite my grievances with the pink nuisance, I liked Cadance a lot. So, mistakes or not, I just had to try harder and do better. I wasn't beyond redemption. Even if that redemption came at the cost of being a pony forever, I would take it.
And what if I liked being a pony, anyway? It wasn't like my life as a human was so much better. I felt more like I could be myself as a pony than I did as a human.
We sat there in silence for a while, simply enjoying the closeness to each other. It got mildly awkward when we heard Aunty Tia snore and mumble in her sleep as we were reminded of where we were. I guessed our heart-to-heart must have taken longer than we thought, and she went to bed with us still on her balcony.
"I, uh..." I extracted myself from Cadance's feathery embrace, shuffling awkwardly on my hooves. "I guess we should go to bed, too, huh?"
"Yeah," Cadance nodded as she also shuffled awkwardly on the spot in embarrassment. "I guess I'll—"
"I guess I'll—" we both said simultaneously and blushed further in embarrassment. Cady motioned for me to go first. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?" I asked and felt immediately dumb, but she nodded with a small smile. "Great. I'll, uh..."—I rubbed my neck awkwardly—" g-good night."
"Good night," she told me, giving me a nuzzle. My breath hitched briefly, and my heart did that quivering thing again that I've been noticing it did more and more the longer I spent time around her. I spread my wings to take off, though before I did, Cady mentioned, "I look forward to meeting your new friends, then."
"I..." I said, stopping in my tracks. My heart dropped into my gut. "W-what..?"
"Obviously, I'm not going to spend time with Lemony Gems and Diamond Rose anymore," she told me as if it was, well... obvious. Oh, hell no!
"But they're nerds..." I argued weakly, and she snorted.
"And..?" Cadance retorted, unimpressed.
"Don't you—I don't know—want to hang out with girls your—" I said before I stopped. "Well, not exactly your age, but still. You know what I mean! They are colts ."
"I don't see what the problem is, Pleasure," she remarked, and I huffed in exasperation. "Are you embarrassed about them?"
"What..?" I blinked before shaking my head. "No! I..."—I shifted awkwardly on my hooves, struggling for words—" I don't think you would enjoy being around them?"
Cadance smirked. "Oh, I see how it is," she giggled. "You don't want to share their attention with another girl~."
Now, I glared at her. "Cadance..."
"Somepony likes a certain pegasus~," she teased me, and I grumbled balefully. I shouldn't be surprised she went right back to acting like the annoying pink pest that she was. "You don't have to say another word. I'll just sit by myself, all defenseless and lonely, where who knows which polo star could flirt with me. Oh, woe is me!"
I looked at her blankly. "At least try to sound like you're devastated if you want to manipulate me," I deadpanned. She merely giggled harder in response. "Don't you have other friends to sit with?"
"After the last pair tried to weasel themselves into my good graces, I don't know whether they were genuine with me or merely pretended to be," she shrugged. "And you know Buck doesn't count. He's like bubblegum stuck in your tail: annoying and impossible to get rid of."
I snorted at that image. That was so true. "Fleur didn't seem that bad," I pointed out, thinking of the only other pony that came to mind that hung out with her who wasn't complete garbage. "She was already popular, so I doubt she became your friend for the clout."
"And she graduated earlier this summer to start her modeling career in earnest," my friend rebutted me, and I pouted. Darn it. "If you don't want me to hang out with your new friends, that is fine, Pleasure. I understand."
"You do?" I asked skeptically.
Cadance nodded. "Yes," she reassured me. "Just don't let them break your heart, or I'll break their spines . Among other things."
I gulped as I saw the sinister look in her eyes. Holy fuck, she was scary when she wanted to be. "They are teenagers, Cady. I'm not going to start something with any of them. Certainly not while looking like jailbait myself."
"Jailbait?" Cadance snorted, and I rolled my eyes.
"Ask the fucking dipshit that came up with the term," I stated, not in the mood to explain the fucking pile of wrong that was. Suffice it to say, there was a special place in Hell for those people. There wasn't a lot Lucifer oversaw personally, but that was one thing he made sure to punish with extreme harshness.
I left before Cadance could badger me more on that. I swear, that girl would be the death of me. I wasn't even in the mood to abuse a particular pair of ponies that night, avoiding Cadance by locking my dream door, intent on getting a restful night of sleep instead. My racing heart certainly made that difficult enough to achieve as it was.
As it turned out, Cadance was perfectly capable of tormenting Dumb and Dumber alone. Lemony Gems and Diamond Rose looked like they had the worst nightmares in their life the following morning.
Whatever she did to them, they looked haunted and jumped at every shadow and loud noise.
Note to self: don't piss off Cadance.
Chapter 008 - Game Night, Part One.
As it turned out, Cadance was indeed capable of finding genuine friends at Canterlot Academy (shocker, I know). Cheerilee and 'Mayor' Mare certainly didn't expect to suddenly find themselves friends with one of Equestria's newest princesses or the attention that came with it.
Dumb and Dumber suddenly became social outcasts among the entire student body since nopony wanted to be their friends anymore after finding out they displeased Cadance for reasons unknown to most students. I could care less about them as long as Cadance wasn't going to be taken advantage of again.
Buck Withers was still a dense, idiotic jock with a selfish, narcissistic streak a mile wide. He didn't let Cadance's change of friends deter him from pestering her about becoming his trophy wife or something. As if that would ever happen in a million years. Hell would sooner freeze over, and every angel be caught having sex for once in their damn lives than Buck Withers having a chance at courting Cady.
Tuesday started with another period of alchemy, seamlessly continuing on from the past day with more theory since Bubbling Mixture wanted to make sure we knew what to expect from a reaction before performing any experiments. I had another period with the eccentric teacher teaching the Laws of Nature and Magic before having Equish with Cadance in the third and fourth periods taught by a light green mare named Proper Spelling.
Pony English wasn't anything special aside from the ponyisms, and it took some time to get used to writing the 'proper' words. Canterlot was a unicorn city first and foremost, and it showed in the species' prejudice against anything that wasn't a pony (or heteronormative, for that matter). Three guesses as to what Proper Spelling thought about not using 'anypony' instead of 'anyone,' and the first two didn't count.
Suffice it to say, neither Cadance nor I were a fan of our Equish teacher. She was a disgusting, homophobic piece of filth, but apparently, I was the only one who thought it was problematic to use ponyisms over more inclusive speech. As cute as they might sound, it was hella problematic if you insisted that everyone use them. Non-ponies included.
I'd rather not get into the wrong that was her opinion about 'The Gays'; it was genuine torture listening to her go on and on spouting toxic shit out of her mouth. It was one thing Hell was surprisingly more progressive about than Heaven was known for. Part of that was because succubi and incubi didn't give a fuck about who had sex with whom, but even most other demons were hateful enough that they made it about power instead of who had what kind of hole.
Yeah... that wasn't exactly 'progressive,' either, but I digressed. Hell was messed up; enough said.
After lunch, I had a double period of computer sciences taught by a stallion named Clean Code while Cadance had home-ec, and of course, the nerd club made up half of the class, so I had to suffer through them trying to help me learn how to write bug-free code. On computers that were slow as fuck. Great.
It was torture, to put it simply. And it didn't help that Eight Bit was a genius who grew up making his own games ever since he got his cutie mark. He took one look at what I wrote and could immediately point out where I went wrong and fucked up. Using the size of an array without keeping in mind that the index started at 'zero' instead of 'one' like every normal person would expect led to a lot of frustration. Whoever came up with that shit, I hoped they ended up in Hell. They deserved it.
Anyway, Wednesday started with a double period of German. Dumb and Dumber ended up with detention for being stupid shits (and for talking shit behind my back, but I was sure they would have gotten detention for cheating, anyway), and we learned a bit of Germaneigh's history. Unlike my version of Earth, this Germany didn't start a blitzkrieg. However, they still had a problem with the rise of nazism earlier this century, which ended up with a civil war splitting the country into two halves. One half adopted the democratic leadership style and condemned the other half that went full-on dictatorship, isolating themselves by building a wall around their part because they were xenophobic shits.
Of course, Mister Pot was a massive fan of Bavaria and liked talking about the Oktoberfest as if it was the only thing worth talking about. That and pretzels. Sure, pretzels were fine, but nothing worth getting hot and bothered over. What a friggin' weirdo, I swear.
After the double period of German, I had alchemy followed by Laws of Nature and Magic before spending my lunch break on top of the roof, trying to relax. Nothing against the guys, but there was only so much nerdy behavior I could stand before growing bored of it. Not to mention, the stench of lust gave me a major case of needy snatch that demanded to be satisfied. Stupid horny teenagers. Did I mention that I hated school? Well, I really hated it. A lot.
Fucking stupid jailbait body...
Ahem. It was no wonder my 'alone time' led to even more rumors about me being a degenerate bat, but that was nothing new. I was the Princess of Passion in the naughty sense, and I could care less about some peeping toms. I wasn't even trying to be discreet.
The first lesson on weather control after lunch break allowed Cadance to show off that she had been responsible for a whole village all on her own. She wasn't an expert by far, but at least she didn't panic, trying to keep the storm clouds from spiraling out of control while the other pegasi were flying around like headless chickens. I just did what Cadance showed me and followed her lead despite having next to no affinity for working with clouds. I could stand on them, and that was about it, which was thankfully enough for our teacher, Weather Front. Teamwork counted for more than fucking things up like everypony else did.
Thursday, we had magic practice with Professor Star Shine first thing in the morning. It was a double period of me trying my best to get my horn to work while Cadance lit up her horn in pretty colors. If we ever needed a fancy flashlight, she got the spell down pat. It frustrated me to no end that my horn refused to obey my will, but considering we only had them for a couple of months, I guessed I shouldn't expect too much from doing unicorn magic just yet. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it did not.
Aunt Jellycelly assured me that learning to cast unicorn magic late in life was expected to be more difficult than growing up with dangerous magic surges during foalhood. We essentially had to teach our bodies to do what little foals did instinctually. Cadance had fewer problems with it since she was used to actively using her magic, only with her wings and hooves instead of a pointy unicorn horn. Meanwhile, I needed more reference to working magic pony style (or magic in general, to be honest). As it was, I had to explore my magic pathways properly before attempting to brute-force horn magic, anyway.
It was only a matter of getting used to the feeling of magic running through an unfamiliar body part my mind told me would fry my brain. There was a reason magic was dangerous; you did not play around with it near your brain . But that was what my years of avoiding magic like the plague told me, not the rational part that knew unicorn magic wasn't demonic witchcraft. It generally wasn't used to torture your fellow pony but instead used as a tool of convenience for many.
Levitation was the most commonly used type of horn magic unicorns cast, and they were perfectly fine with never learning anything more complex than that. Those who learned to use actual spells usually went with shield spells or temperature charms. Shining Armor, for example, was one of the few unicorns capable of casting a protective shield among our peer group. Few learned combat magic like Sunset Shimmer since you needed to know what you were doing instead of blasting your own head off. There was a reason many scholars only did magic theory instead of practicing spells themselves—aside from lacking the magical strength to cast them.
It went without saying that our aunt expected us to become masters of magic, just... not immediately. We had to learn to cast a shield in case we ever needed to protect our subjects (wow, that sounded weird, thinking about them like that). While I doubted we would ever need to do so, Aunty Celestia had a point that Equestria had some incredibly dangerous animals living within its borders, and not every nation shared friendly relations with the pony races. Even discounting that, being able to protect a city from a catastrophe could save countless lives, provided we were within range of its borders. We wouldn't be able to protect a city the size of Manehattan, but a good part of Canterlot was passively protected by the magic network fed by Princess Auntlestia sitting on her throne every day. She could protect it with a shield from a hurricane or something similar, but casting one spell would mean she couldn't cast anything else, making it rather impractical if Equestria ever went to war. Multicasting wasn't a thing since unicorns only had one horn.
Thus, it would be helpful to have three alicorns capable of defending Equestria in addition to every other pony fearless enough to hold a weapon. Alas, I was no wrath demon, so my ability to rip someone to shreds was limited to my demon claws in my humanoid form. Those could cause severe damage, and my tail was nothing to sneeze at, either. But unless I could bring my opponents to have sex with me, I didn't think I would be of much help during a large-scale fight. I was literally made to sleep around and infiltrate enemy lines—not wield a sword and shield on the battlefield.
Anyway, Cadance and I had almost all classes on Thursday together with each other, aside from the sixth-period business studies with Mister Stock Market (I nearly fell asleep during that one). The third period was with Mister Dusty Tome teaching History of Equis, and then the Study of Equis during the fourth period. The political lesson mixed in with those was just as bad as the first day, making us debate among ourselves whether capitalism favored the rich over anyone with smaller businesses and the like. There was also a lesson about Griffonstone in there somewhere, showcasing the worst-case scenario of capitalism collapsing in on itself.
It was a somewhat biased opinion since Equestria was one of the wealthiest countries in both resources and skilled laborers (which wasn't a wonder considering ninety-nine percent of the nation's population had a butt tattoo telling them what they were good at). Of course, Equestria would develop into a welfare country that allowed everypony to do what they wanted instead of being forced to do anything to pay for their rent. Granted, being lazy meant living with the bare minimum required to live, but there was next to no homelessness since the crown provided for those who could not provide for themselves. No one would be left out in the streets because life fucked them over.
Despite that, Equestria wasn't free from other shit like crime. Some ponies were just greedy and couldn't keep their hooves to themselves. Unlike Earth, though, our aunt firmly believed in second chances for everypony, no matter the severity of the crime committed. As long as you were willing to turn a new leaf, you were welcome to try being a goody-two-shoes. Any repeat mistakes were met with increasingly harsher punishments depending on the crime.
Aunty Sunnybum wasn't dumb. Nor was she benevolent to the degree she would forgive anything. Murder was still an unforgivable crime, but there was no capital punishment for it. It would land you a nice, dark cell in Tartarus, though—for life. If you did it on purpose, there was no excuse you could make that would save you from the alicorn of the sun. And, well... the excuse of self-defense could only get you so far if you retaliated with lethal force when the situation didn't call for it. Killing someone because they were threatening to expose your dirty laundry didn't count, obviously.
Yes, accidents happened. Ponies might get scared, and some circumstances could prevent them from choosing anything other than lethal force because their life was literally in danger. Still, if you had the option, you had to try de-escalating the situation by any other means, be it running, arguing, screaming for help, or knocking the threat to your life out cold. Killing another pony just because they were trying to ruin your life wasn't a valid defense in Aunt Celestia's eyes.
At least she wasn't like the angel pricks. They didn't even know the definition of forgiveness as much as they liked to pretend they did. I was totally not biased here. Not at all.
Anyway, aside from our princess lessons on Thursdays, there was nothing else worth mentioning. Friday started with another double period of Equish with Proper Spelling, followed by a double math period. Lunch was spent talking about our plans for later that day, and Cadance and I parted ways for the sixth and seventh periods. I had my first class in economics, which was also taught by Mister Stock Market, followed by another lesson in business studies.
By the end of the first school week, most of the drama around Dumb and Dumber was old news, and I was getting ready to head over to Shining Armor's house for our first game night. Cadance had made plans of her own to enjoy a slumber party at Cheerilee's with Fleur and Mayor Mare (seriously, that couldn't be her actual name, could it?).
They didn't invite me since Cadance knew I had other plans for today, but I still would have declined even if I weren't joining the guys for game night. I wasn't about to sit around in someone else's bedroom painting my hooves and talk about boys. Fuck that shit.
Aunty Jellysun told us to have fun and not forget our homework. At the same time, Sunset seemed to have decided to ignore our existence temporarily after our dear aunt had that 'talk' with her. Whatever was up with her, I was sure she was planning something I didn't want to know the details of. At least she left us to our own devices while we left her to do whatever she did for the majority of the day in the library. I wouldn't be surprised if she was plotting the takeover of Equestria with an army of zombie teenagers, to be honest.
Cadance still wasn't happy about not involving herself in the totally unnecessary drama, but even she wasn't in the mood to act on behalf of our mortal enemy. Sunset wasn't being her usual bitchy self, so things went pretty much back to normal. If normal meant ignoring each other instead of glaring holes into the backs of our heads, that is.
Anyway, I knocked on the door of a rather nice-looking house that was less affluent than the other houses further up in the noble district. Still, it certainly gave off the impression that Shining Armor's family was well-off enough to afford a place like this. Like most houses in Canterlot, it had a white façade and a purple, shingled rooftop with tall windows and a neatly trimmed front garden.
The door opened, and I looked down at a little filly around the age of four if I had to guess (I was still not good at guessing a pony's age, but she was half as large as I was in my visage and didn't have a cutie mark yet, so preschool age was a good guess in my opinion). Her violet eyes found my fiendish red ones, and she frowned. "You're not my foal-sitter."
I raised a brow at how brazenly she addressed me. "No," I confirmed with a frown of my own. What a weird little pony.
"Why are you here, then?" she asked, and I felt mildly impressed. This kid had some guts; I had to give it to her. "Mom's still out with Dad buying groceries, and Shining's helping me with my homework."
"Homework?" I asked, re-evaluating my initial guess of her age if she was already in school. Ten, then.
The little filly tilted her head as she gave me a skeptical look. "Yes, homework. You do it to complete an assignment or get an 'F.' Shouldn't you know what homework is at your age? Did you not go to school?"
I rolled my eyes. "I know what homework is, you little—" I said but caught myself before I insulted her and her snarky behavior. Little shit or not, I was not about to make a filly cry. I wouldn't ever get to hear the end of it from Cadance (not to mention, this was Shining Armor's kid sister, for fuck's sake). "How old are you?"
"Five and a half," she told me, and I gave her a skeptical look. "I'm going to start school next year if that's what you were curious about."
"Right," I muttered. So much for my guesses being accurate. "Where's Shining Armor, then?"
"Upstairs," she answered, not moving from her spot at the half-opened door.
"So... you gonna go get him, or what?"
"Why do you have a horn?"
I suppressed the twitch from my eyelid as she noticed the unicorn horn on my noggin' and my leathery bat wings. "Because I'm an alicorn," I lied. I wasn't about to tell her I was a sex demon.
"Are you a princess?" the little filly asked, and I snorted.
"What gave you that idea?" I questioned her with a deadpan look.
She was about to answer when Shining Armor's voice came from behind her. "Twily? Who's at the door?"
"Shiny! You didn't tell me you knew a princess!" this 'Twily' filly complained, and I snickered with amusement.
"What?" Shining Armor said before he came into view. "Oh, hey, Pleasure. You're a bit early; the others aren't here yet. Have you finished your homework already?"
I shrugged. "I didn't have to do much," I told him while at the same time refraining from mentioning that I did most of it at school already. The curriculum was way too easy for me, which was partially due to the fact that I picked my classes based on what I was good at and partially because it was frigging high school . I had a harder time flunking out of that one as a human on Earth, seriously.
"Great, uh..." Shining said, rubbing his neck. Colts, I swear. Just because I got mare parts didn't mean I was some enigmatic creature you had to act all weird and awkward around. "I still haven't finished mine, and Twilight insisted I let her try first."
I gave the lavender filly another glance. So much for 'her' homework, huh? Let me guess, she was some genius prodigy who got easily bored without a challenge?
Twilight stared back at me.
Okay, then... Anyway! "If this is a bad time, I could come back later," I said, but Shining shook his head.
"Nah, now's fine. The others should be here any minute now," he assured me. "Come on in. I'll get you a glass of water, or do you prefer cola? I got a few cans of Colta Cola for later."
Right, the pony rip-off, if I was not mistaken. It tasted the exact same, weirdly enough. "Sure, I'll go with that."
Shining nodded while Twilight followed after me like the curious filly that she was. While he went to the kitchen to grab a pair of cans, his sister eyed me up. "Shining says you're 'too cool' to hang out with him, but you still do. What does he mean by that?"
Wow, going right for the throat, huh? "That I could have any friend I want," I told her with a frown. Any non-racist friend, that is. "But let me tell you the truth: none of them would be genuine friends. They are all opportunists seeking to take advantage of Cadance and me."
"And Shiny is not?" she asked, tilting her head.
"Well..." I said, glancing conspiratorially at the teenage colt as he appeared with a pair of red and white cans with the same design I was familiar with from so many different versions of Earth. Maybe ponyland really was a strange offshoot of my former home world. "I hope not. What do you think, 'Shiny' ..? Anything you want to take advantage of~?"
Said teen let out a groan even as he blushed. "My mom would kill me if I so much thought of hurting my friends," he grumbled, and I accepted the offered can from his pink, rose-ish magic aura. Twilight gave me a curious look but didn't say anything as I used my hooves to hold it instead of my horn magic.
There was a knock on the door, and Shining Armor went to open it while I used my fangs to crack the can open.
"So... why aren't you using your horn?" Twilight asked me, and I gave her a miffed look. What a nosey little shit.
"I'm crap at magic, kid," I told her. It wasn't even a lie. Witchcraft wasn't exactly my strong suit. My succubus powers were easy enough to use since they were more or less active all the time. They took a conscious effort not to use and minimal thought to actively use to their maximum effect. Regular devil's powers were more challenging, but that was partially due to their nature of requiring sacrifice and violence. And every other sorcery type took either ingredients and patience or focus and patience. Nothing I had in abundance, that was for sure.
Twilight frowned. "Mom said saying vulgar words makes Nightmare Moon give you bad dreams."
"Yeah, well..." I hummed, waving to Poindexter as Shining returned with the scrawny colt. "Nightmare Moon is a fairy tale meant to scare kids into behaving. Don't believe everything adults tell you. They are just as fallible as you and I are."
Twilight didn't look happy at me criticizing her parents' morality of lying to their kids for their own good, but she begrudgingly took my words at face value since nothing about them appeared to be wrong. I certainly wasn't buying into the whole Nightmare Moon bullshit since it seemed to be superstitious crap made up because the craters of the moon looked like a horse's head.
"Anyway," Shining said, picking up Twilight in his magic. "Mrs. Towel will be here in five minutes, Twily. Mom and Dad won't be here for a while yet, so you can eat a sandwich or wait until they return. You two can head on down; I've already set the table up."
Twilight pouted. "Can't I play with you?" she asked from his back. "Mrs. Towel smells like a wet dog; I don't like her."
"I'm not going to let you stay up past your bedtime again, Twily," he said, and she grumbled unhappily. I snickered as she crossed her forelegs over her chest, sitting down with a huff. "You know what Mom told you the last time I let you do that."
"You're a meanie," she accused him, and I smirked. Fuck, she was adorable. Any more, and I might start feeling sick to my stomach. "Can't Mom get a different foal-sitter?"
Shining sighed and rolled his eyes. "You'll have to ask her. Mrs. Towel is the closest available pony, you know that."
Twilight grumbled. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."
I hummed. "You know, maybe Cadance will be up to it. She's got the time on Fridays."
"Really?!" Twilight asked, her face lighting up with hope. Shining also looked kind of too eager to hear my answer. So much for not wanting to take advantage of your friends, huh? I already regretted opening my damn mouth. Why must I always set myself up for heartache?
"Yeah, she did this kind of stuff all the time back in 'our' village," I said with a listless shrug. Back then, she looked after all the orphans as everything had gone to Hell. Maybe she would enjoy it more without the depressing shit going on. "She won't have time every Friday, mind you, but I'll put in a good word for you to her."
Twilight beamed up at me, and I gave Shining a look that told him to stay the fuck away from my best friend if he cared enough about keeping his stallion bits where they were supposed to be. I had to prove Cadance wrong, somehow. I was not jealous of sharing my friends with her, damnit.
I was cautious. Yes, that was it. I was cautious of them trying anything with her and breaking her heart. That was totally normal, right? I wasn't jealous of sharing their attention with Cady. Why would I be jealous of her being more popular than I was? Pah! That was just ridiculous. As if.
While Shining made his sister a sandwich for a late afternoon dinner, Poindexter and I were left alone with Twilight. The colt shuffled awkwardly on his hooves, still uncomfortable around me without his other friends there. Or 'our' friends, I guessed. Honestly, he seemed more like a third-wheel kind of guy to me. He was the typical introverted person you had to force out of his shell, or he wouldn't ever spend time with anyone unprompted.
"How did you learn you're Princess Celestia's niece?" Twilight asked me, and I blinked. I looked down at her and saw her give me a genuinely curious look.
"Come again?" I said, a little surprised to hear that question from her.
Twilight tilted her head. "You're Cadance's sister, right?"
I stared blankly at her. "Uh... what."
"They said in the newspaper that Princess Celestia's nieces were found in a small village near Vanhoover," she said. I saw Shining's ear pointed our way from where he had made Twilight's evening meal. Poindexter gave me a curious look, as well. "And since Cadance is also a princess, you must be sisters."
"That's... not how it works," I grumbled, at a loss for words. "Cady and I aren't related."
Twilight scrunched up her muzzle. "But you're related to Princess Celestia..."
I sighed. This filly, I swear. "That doesn't mean Cadance and I have to be related to each other," I told her, wondering how I would dig myself out of that one. Why did she have to be so smart? "Whatever relation we have to Aunt Cellyjelly, it's so far removed it would be likelier for me to be closer related to you." Not that there was a chance in a million years for that to be the case. "We were literally just picked up by her after we ascended, and that's it."
The little filly still gave me a skeptical look, but she couldn't come up with any arguments to disprove my logic. It was as close to the truth as I felt safe divulging, anyway. Any further conversation was put on hold as a knocking sound came from the door. I followed Twilight to the door to keep an eye on her as she opened the door with her wonky horn magic, and... let's just say she was right about Mrs. Towel smelling like a wet dog. Yikes.
I could tell the scent came from her old ladies' clothing. The wrinkly old mare gasped as she spotted me, her pale rosa hoof rubbing at her eyes as if she wasn't sure I was real or not. Twilight let out a half-hearted 'Hello' at spotting her standing on their porch. "Hello, Mrs. Towel..."
"Twilight, dear..." Mrs. Towel began stiffly. "Don't be alarmed now, but one of them vampire ponies is standing right behind you. Come quick, get behind me!"
I glared at the rotten piece of garbage calling herself a pony as she accused me of being one of those undead fiends. If I were a vampire, you would already be dead in addition to everypony else on this goddamn mountain, seriously.
"Mrs. Towel, Forbidden Pleasure is a princess!" Twilight gasped in shock, and the senile old lady frowned.
"That ain't no princess, little filly," she accused me, and I suppressed the growl from leaving the back of my throat. "I know all about them vamponies, dear. My pa always told me they bite you when you least expect them to and—"
"You really should stop talking," I cut her off, voice monotone. Fucking Hell, what a piece of shit pony. I had to get rid of her before I worked myself up too much and risked unraveling my visage. "Twilight, close the door and leave this lunatic standing outside. We won't require her services tonight," I ground out. One more insult, and I swear...
"Wait here just one second, I—" Mrs. Towel started, but she didn't get further than that before I slammed the door closed with a sneer on my muzzle. I stayed there, glaring at the spot where she stood beyond the front door, seething with anger. Fucking bullshit racism, seriously.
Twilight looked up at me with uncertainty. "Are you sure we can just leave her standing out there?"
I let out a deep, calming breath before I snorted. "What's she gonna do? Call the guards on me?" I asked rhetorically. "Trust me, you're better off staying with us for game night than letting her look after you."
"Is everything okay?" Shining asked as he came out of the kitchen. Poindexter stood behind him as if he was the reason for Shining Armor's sudden presence.
"Yeah," I muttered, putting on my usual bored expression. As long as I pretended I was fine and stayed calm, I wouldn't risk anyone seeing through my visage. Besides, I've had worse and shrugged it off before. There was no reason to worry here. This was going to be no different than Griffonia and the decades upon decades I spent being called who-knows-what in Hell and every other godforsaken reality I've been summoned to. "Sorry, but Twilight will have to spend the evening with us after all."
Shining sighed, and said filly was happy to not spend that time with Miss Wet Poodle. "It's okay," he said. "We'll just have to ensure she doesn't eat too many snacks before bed."
I looked at his little sister; she merely smiled at me with the faux innocence every kid was known for when they had permission to stay up late and eat junk food. Heh. I smirked, amused. "I have a feeling I'm going to like you, kid."
"Please don't encourage her," Shining Armor groused. "I'm going to have a hard enough time trying to explain to Mom and Dad why Twilight's foal-sitter wasn't here to look after her."
"How come they left you two alone before they left, anyway?" I asked, impressed they trusted him and his little sister enough to let them stay home alone.
Shining gave me a look, and we made our way down to the cozy-looking basement. Damn, they had a whole man cave down here. Was that an arcade machine? Nice. "I was in the middle of homework with Twilight, and that usually keeps us busy long enough for Mrs. Towel to arrive. Mom and Dad know she isn't the fastest pony anymore. They also have an appointment right now, so there's that. Dunno how long that will take them before they buy groceries."
Huh. Alrighty, then. I was sure they wouldn't get mad at me for leaving Twilight's foal-sitter standing outside. She was a nasty pony; she deserved it, anyway.
"Can I play, too, then? Please ?" Twilight asked, and Shining nodded, though he didn't look very enthusiastic about letting her do so. I guessed Dungeons and Dragons wasn't exactly the most age-appropriate game for a filly her age, but what did I know?
Much to my surprise, Twilight already had a character going for herself on a sheet of paper. She even had a little wizard figurine that looked like her as an adult with a fancy cape and pointy hat with a wide brim and what looked like little golden bells. The craftsmanship honestly impressed me; I could tell it was custom-made.
Shining gave me a sheet of paper and explained how to fill it out to create my character. He went back upstairs as the bell jingled, hopefully, to let Eight Bit and Gaffer in instead of finding a pair of guards being called on us. Not that I expected them to do anything in fear of offending Auntlestia.
In the meantime, I settled on an elven pony with basic herbalism and sewing skills, as well as a proficiency for daggers. Poindexter showed me how to assign my initial stats, and I put about half of them into agility and 'sneakiness.' I had no idea how close to DnD this was, but the dice and so on at least looked the same from what I could remember seeing in pop culture back on human Earth. Anyway, sneakiness was apparently something you could quantify with a number, and since I was going for the burglar type, I might as well make sure I won't get caught stealing shit from unsuspecting merchants and so on.
Anyway, my character wasn't all that impressive compared to Shining's level twelve paladin and Twilight's level four sorceress (why wasn't I surprised the white unicorn was playing as the holy 'manly' man?). Poindexter was playing as something he described as a 'noble beast tamer,' which I equated to the archery trope from other popular fantasy fiction coupled together with the monster taming seen in a certain video game I might have played once—lovingly nicknaming the class the 'huntard.' Eight Bit's character was a priest, surprising me for a moment. I would have for sure thought he would be playing a berserker or something along those lines. When he wasn't narrating their game sessions, Gaffer was a level ten warlock—I approved of the surprising edginess.
Speaking of Gaffer and Eight Bit, Shining Armor came down to the basement with the two teenage colts, and the pegasus smiled at me. I rolled my eyes, averting my gaze from him and the others as I put the finishing touches on my elven rogue pony. I only needed to give them a name now. And a gender. And their looks beyond just a short description of 'cool, edgy, and badass.'
Fuck... why was creating a fantasy character so difficult? Ugh.
"A rogue, huh?" Eight Bit commented as he sat down beside me, a can of 'Honey Dew' in his grasp. Was that supposed to be this world's version of you-know-what? Why was I not surprised that it was his favorite drink? He was fulfilling every kind of cliché there was about a game-obsessed computer nerd.
"What?" I grumbled. "It seemed like the obvious choice."
"Well, I suppose it does fit your personality," he said, and I glared at him.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Hey, hey!" he said, holding up his hooves as if trying to placate me. "I meant no offense. You just have this whole tough girl act going on for you."
I huffed and looked back down at my sheet of paper. Right. Character creation—the bane of my existence. Names were always so hard to come up with, seriously. And I obviously didn't want to use any I knew of in case another pony was stupid enough to summon a demon from Hell to this world. While I was reasonably certain Eight Bit and the rest of the guys wouldn't be that dumb, I've been summoned before by kids like them for all the wrong reasons.
Some people really did think that any demon could just snap their claws and make them rich, famous, and/or kill their enemies without getting caught (usually with me being run through by a sword from a religious zealot, as well). I could count the amount of times that happened by the hairs on my head. Imagine their surprise when they instead got a succubus that would sooner rip their heads off than give them what they wanted.
Anyway, I asked Twilight to name my character, and she came up with the name Luna Nightshadow. I shrugged and went with it, obviously making them female and dark as the night sky in coloration. It did have a nice, roguish sound to it. For reasons I couldn't quite explain, the name felt more significant than I gave it credit for, but I decided to think nothing of it. There were plenty of people called Luna on Earth alone, and not just in mythology. Who knew? It could turn out that Nightmare Moon was real, and her name was Luna before she went evil and whatnot.
Pfft. Yeah, right. As if.
Twilight munched on her sandwich while the colts indulged themselves by eating unhealthy snacks. I declined their offer of chips as I didn't feel that hungry. At least, not in that sense, and since my ascension, I didn't have to rely on actively feeding on sexual energy anymore. It was strangely refreshing not needing to hunt every other day or so.
Oh, man. If the other Lilin could see me now, they would say I've become weak and pathetic. Jokes on them, though. I only did it to survive in the first place, not because I was a deranged nymphomaniac with a penchant for murdering innocents . Though the taste of cum from a dying man deserving of Hell was a special treat, I was not going to lie.
There was a reason why no one survived contact with a succubus after summoning one. If you weren't careful and bound them to a contract explicitly instructing them not to harm you in any way, you were as good as dead. And not everyone was so lucky to know the True Name of the demon they summoned. That was more of a rarity, which did beg the question of how Prismia knew who I was and to summon me specifically.
A summoning ritual generally needed to specify which kind of demon you wanted. It required particular circumstances to get a condemned soul out of that place, and more often than not, 'randomly' summoning something ended up with a lowly imp that put up more of a fight than it was worth the struggle. Any demon aligned with one of the Seven Deadly Sins required a truly powerful heart (or tons of magic, blood, or both). To summon a demon of the higher tier like me or one of the other Lilin, you would need to know their True Name beforehand (unless we were talking about demon possession here, but I digressed).
Granted, I made myself a name on multiple versions of Earth and honestly lost count of who knew my True Name. The chances of summoning me with a large enough sacrifice were higher than the average demon, but still. Prismia couldn't have known about me unless someone told her about me and how to force me to sign a contract with blood instead of ink like a normal person .
Either one of my sisters spread the word to Prismia in her dreams, or something else did. At least now I was on the same level as Lilith herself, so I doubted anyone powerful enough would be such a colossal moron to attempt summoning an archdemon. Heck, I wouldn't even be surprised if I could deny their call to appear before them now, with or without my True Name being involved.
As long as I was bound to the contract Aunt Celestia, Cadance, and I made in the Realm of Ascension, I wouldn't have to fear returning to Hell, even if someone did manage to summon me against my will. For better or for worse, this was my home now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything—racist fucks be damned.
I never really thought about the hardships minority groups faced before I was sentenced to Hell, but even without the whole demon thing, it sucked ass. At least I could understand why someone would discriminate against demons, but batponies? What the fuck was wrong with you?! They were all undoubtedly cute as fuck!
Cadance was the only one who never once gave me a feeling of not belonging here in Equestria. Everyone else saw a batpony with fiendish red eyes and assumed things from there. Sure, most ponies were polite and whatnot, but I could see it in their eyes. I was different from everypony else. All they knew were bad rumors and superstition.
I might have been a monster, but even I had a heart. My soul might not be perfectly shiny and shit—no one's soul ever was (except for the angel pricks, 'allegedly')—and yet, these animals thought they were something better than I. Pah. Don't make me laugh.
Anyway, I didn't come here to stew in my anger. No, I was here to have fun and enjoy a dumb game of playing pretend in a friend's basement with my other nerdy friends. I was actually kind of starting to warm up to them, all things considered. They might be a bunch of horny teenagers and a genius child prodigy, but at least they were genuine. That and they didn't blatantly try to stare at my bat features.
Heck, I was half certain Poindexter and Shining Armor only stared at me because I was a girl and didn't look like utter crap. If ponies' beauty standards weren't so sickeningly cute and girly, I would have already had more than my fair share of love letters and weirdos trying to hit on me. Cadance got the short end of the stick for that one (and not just because Buck Withers and Shining fucking Armor got literal boners for her).
Hardly a day passed without at least one pony confessing their undying love to my best friend. Most of them got shot down immediately (even without my input), but then there were the typical machos thinking they got a chance with her. Buck Withers, first and foremost. But even Shining Armor couldn't take a hint and stop pining after her. It got annoying fast, especially since he couldn't stop talking about how their love was 'destined' to last for eternity and whatnot. I've barely known the guy for a week, and he was already giving me major incel vibes.
At least he didn't rant on and on about it every moment of the day. Yet. I was sure even he wouldn't be able to stop himself from obsessing over her if she ever started talking to him (hence my reluctance to share my friends with her). Perhaps the best way to crush his heart was to let him realize he got no chance with Cady by letting her see his zombie fish imitation up close. I feared nothing else would be effective enough.
"You're awfully deep in thought," Eight Bit commented, nudging me out of my musings. I looked up from my sheet of paper, the elven pony rogue almost forgotten as I kept thinking about Cadance. That mare occupied most of my conscious thoughts ever since I met her. How strange. I wasn't even thinking about lewd stuff with her. That was doubly strange for me. "Something on your mind?"
I scowled at his nosiness. "Nothing I would share with you."
"Hey! No need to get defensive," he placated me while the others paused in their own preparations for the game. "I was just trying to be supportive and maybe lend an ear. You know, like friends do?"
I sighed, grumbling grumpily to myself, feeling slightly guilty. Fuck, this stupid colt, I swear. Being all sweet and shit won't get him anywhere with me. That was Cadance's thing, not mine. "Sorry. I'm just... trying to get used to being around other ponies," I lied. That should hopefully get them off my case.
"You and Cadance came from a small town, right?" Twilight asked, and I gave the tiny bookhorse a subtle smile. Calling it a town was honestly pushing it.
"Yeah... there were about fifty ponies who lived in, uh... 'our' village," I said, leaving out the fact that that was before everything that happened with Prismia. A good two-thirds of the ponies living there were gone by the time Cadance ended the reign of Queen Fish Snatch.
"Wow, that's not even half of our neighborhood. You must have known each other pretty well," Shining commented, and I nodded unsurely. I only bothered with Cadance, to be honest. Everyone else was just as bad as Twilight's old foal-sitter. Not that they weren't justified in their hatred. At least they knew I was summoned from Hell to make their lives miserable. Not that I had much of a choice (or could do anything but please Prismia while she treated me worse than some people neglected their pets).
"Well, at any rate, you fit right in with our group, so let's cut the chit-chat and get started!" Gaffer proclaimed as he rubbed his hooves eagerly. He had one of those screen thingies standing in front of him while the rest of us had our character sheets ready. "This daring tale I present to you starts in the infamous Everfree Forest; deep within stands a crumbling, old, abandoned cathedral..."
Our heroes are on their way through the foggy wilds as the evening slowly wanes away to the twilight hours. In front, our seasoned paladin, Graysword Brightdawn, followed by our noble beast tamer, Greenwood Sunstrider, and his loyal pet, Sabertooth. At their side are the ever-optimistic priest Holy Radiance and the scholarly mare known as Misty Bellcape...
a disembodied voice asked, breaking the roleplay almost immediately.
As our incredibly handsome narrator was about to explain, Misty Bellcape entrusted the group of adventurers with a most dire quest, indeed. For she found an ancient passage in one of Starswirl the Bearded's old diaries, foretelling the return of a great evil from times long past.
the incessant disembodied voice asked, interrupting the story's narration once more.
Ahem . As I was about to say, Misty previously hired an escort to traverse these dangerous lands and find the required artifact to defeat this ancient and most terrible evil once and for all: the Scepter of Everblooming Life. For it is a dark necromancer about to be resurrected, who would consume all life on Equis as ponies know it if given the chance.
another nuisance said.
Seriously, guys? Can you keep your comments to yourself? We are at the start of an epic journey here! Get your heads in the game!
they said. No respect, I swear.
Ahem! Right. Where were we? Ah, yes. Our esteemed mage had previously hired an escort to traverse these dangerous woods, but she made one fatal mistake: her escort had been mobbed up by her nemesis, the infamous warlock Obsidian Flame. The elven pony rogue, Luna Nightshadow, took the artifact not because of the offered payment but rather to buy herself and her sister...
Yes. She intended to buy herself and her sister Sunny Skies the freedom they desperately sought with one last morally questionable job, only to be double-crossed by the wicked warlock himself! Now, their only hope rests in the willingness of our intrepid heroes to forgive their past mistakes and help them live a better life. But for that to happen, our mighty heroes must first brave the dangers of hostile wildlife, ancient traps, and a mad warlock.
"You said this path leads to an ancient ruin?" our esteemed paladin said, glancing at the mage. The studious mare gave him a nod, looking up from the map currently floating ahead of her. "What kind of ruin can we expect?" he asked.
"According to the legends, it was once a place of worship that had been defiled by a nefarious necromancer the warlock Obsidian seeks to bring back to life."
No spoilers, please. The next time we let you play with us, you won't help me write the campaign, Twilight.
Now, please stop interrupting the narration of the intro to the story. I swear, you guys are awfully close to making me throw in some extra traps along the way.
Thank you. As Misty was saying, Obsidian needs the artifact to call forth a powerful entity from the Beyond, and for him to do so, he requires a place of worship and a host. Thus, the plot to revive the most evil pony to have ever walked this planet's face: Grogar, the Lord of the Undead.
I blinked at the name Gaffer just told us with a pretend scary voice. I swore I must have heard that name from somewhere before because I felt uneasy in my gut. But that wasn't possible, was it? I was a demon; I should be able to remember where I heard that name. It had all the importance of a True Name from a big-shot demon lord, yet there was no memory associated with me recognizing it. Truly a perplexing conundrum...
"This Grogar is said to have raised entire armies, and according to the legends, he was even able to create a gate to the Beyond with his enchanted bell. We need to stop Obsidian before it is too late!" Misty said, and our fearless heroes once more felt the world's weight settle on their withers.
Grave danger and insurmountable odds were nothing new to them, but this time, it quite literally was in their hooves to save the world from annihilation. But before they could do that, they needed to get past a ferocious manticore obstructing their path!
Graysword Brightdawn already stood prepared in front of the group. What do you want to do?
Alright. You may roll for the enhancement's effectiveness, while you two may roll for damage bonuses and a bonus for Sabertooth's ambush damage. Misty, what spell are you going to cast?
Then roll for success.
Due to their priest's prayer, Misty was able to cast the thorn bind just in time to prevent it from swiping Graysword's shield from his grasp. The counterattack scored a bleeding wound on its outstretched paw, further restricting its movements due to the weight shift. Sabertooth managed to jump on its back with the ambush bonus before biting down on one of its wings. At the same time, Greenwood Sunstrider sadly missed his target's venomous tail.
I'm sorry, but the enhancement can't improve your aim. See it this way: Sabertooth managed to ground the manticore for the rest of the fight, even if it broke the bindings.
Sorry, those are the rules; I can't change what your stats are. You still have the enhancement active, though. You may act before the manticore can react to the ambush. What do you want to do?
Then roll for success.
Greenwood was just swift enough to shoot another arrow at the manticore while it thrashed in pain. Due to its movements, the arrow only landed a glancing shot on its brow despite the magical assistance to hit its intended target. The agony of its wounds caused the manticore to enter a frenzied rage and shake Sabertooth from its back. Graysword's defense held firm, but his focus on tanking the enraged hits caused him to lose an opening for a counterattack.
Misty, what do you do?
Clever. You may roll for success and a bonus to stun the manticore.
Due to Misty's quick thinking, the manticore failed to land a hit on Graysword's faltering defense, tripping it in the process. The manticore avoided falling on its muzzle, and since it recovered faster than Misty anticipated, the bindings snapped before they could keep it from getting up. However, Misty's actions allowed Graysword to swing his sword down on their foe.
You may roll for critical damage.
Then, you may also roll for success on dodging a swipe from its lethal claws. Greenwood, what's your next move?
Then, you may roll for a damage bonus for both Sabertooth and your arrow. Holy Radiance, what will you do?
Roll for effectiveness and a chance to stun the manticore.
Graysword managed to land a critical hit while Greenwood got a lucky shot, hitting the manticore's injured paw, reducing further damage from its next retaliatory strike. The blinding light from Holy Radiance caused it to miss Sabertooth. Greenwood's pet inflicted a gash on its hind leg, applying further bleed damage.
Meanwhile, deeper in the forest, Sunny Skies and Luna Nightshadow regained their consciousness bound to an altar while a minion of Obsidian appears to have dozed off on his job guarding his prisoners. The bindings seem just tight enough to give our rogue a little bit of wiggle room. What will you do?
Obsidian must have searched his captives before leaving them bound on the altar in the big cathedral. Luna couldn't feel her emergency hidden blade, and neither was she able to search her sister as the grand doors at the other end of the room opened. In strode a stallion with midnight black fur and sunken eyes. There was an eerie glow to them while a dark aura surrounded his horn. He held a staff in his deep blue magic aura while a bundle of cloth floated in behind him, hiding the remains of what could only be the ancient necromancer in them.
"Ah, it seems our associates are finally awake," he spoke with a menacingly deep voice, a cruel smirk on his muzzle.
"We had a deal, Obsidian!" Luna snarled back while her sister whimpered in fear. Once more, her tendency to appropriate what wasn't hers got them into trouble, and this time, there might not be a way out.
Ahem.
You really want to make it more difficult for the others, don't you? At least raise your hoof next time before you throw me off my game again.
So! Since a certain rogue felt particularly daring to annoy the gamemaster, the guard previously tasked with keeping an eye on them seemed much more alert now that he almost got caught sleeping on the job. Let's see you try to escape now.
It's my job.
Anyway, back to our heroes. Our group of courageous adventurers managed to drive off the manticore after posing a larger threat than the usual helpless fool wandering into the forest. Seeing that it had learned its lesson, the four ponies, on their way to the ancient ruins, pressed on their journey to save the world from certain doom.
It was only a short time before they met another obstacle, though. A great chasm hindered them from continuing their way further into the forest. What do you want to do?
Mage Misty Bellcape called on her arcane powers to conjure a rope long enough to give them a way across the chasm, only to struggle with tying the other end of the rope to the second tree on the chasm's other side. It seems to be too far away for her magic to reach. Any other ideas?
Graysword dared to peek into the abyss before them, finding it to be obscured by a dense fog. They would have to brave the treacherous climb down if they wanted to know what lies at the bottom of the chasm.
Greenwood looked around for a suitable tree to make their way over the chasm, only to notice that none of the trees seemed tall enough to bridge the gap.
It seems the only way forward was either a lengthy detour or perhaps a path further down the chasm. Which course will our brave heroes decide on?
Whatever you say, Greenwood. Any other smart comments? Or does one of you want to make a different decision?
Should our adventurers decide to climb down, they would have to leave the loyal pet behind, as the saber cat obviously lacks the skill to use a rope.
Hey, I can't help you carry the beast down a rope. It's your fault for not taming the great eagle roc.
You didn't even attempt to. Who knows, maybe it would have liked the fruit mix the 'esteemed' Greenwood Sunstrider carried with him?
The group made their way down into the chasm. The climb was difficult because it became increasingly more humid the closer they got to the bottom. The wet rock almost caused Graysword to slip, but Misty's quick thinking caught him at the last moment.
On the bottom, the four saw multiple puddles leading further into the chasm. Green moss grew on the slippery ground while small critters like rats and salamanders fled from the approaching group. What do you do?
Graysword took the lead once more, deciding to investigate the puddles' origin. They seemed to indicate the presence of a dried-out river bed of some sort. Before they could find the source, though, they came across what looked like a heap of moss and vines. What do you do?
Greenwood's suggestion led the group further along the path at the bottom of the chasm, only to encounter another similar heap of moss and vines. What do you do?
The researcher of the group grows suspicious of the presence of another one of those mossy lumps, cautioning the group to stay back as she slowly approaches it. Up close, it almost seemed to be moving in a steady rhythm. What do you do?
As Misty reaches out with a vial in her grasp, a growl stops her from collecting a sample of the plant. As it turns out, the heap of moss and vines was anything but a harmless plant; it was a swamp monster! Before she could react, the monstrosity already lunged at her, grabbing her by the foreleg.
Graysword acted swiftly in response to the ambush, but it seemed the vines of the plant monster were more arduous than they looked. The shock of receiving a cut from the sharp sword caused it to let go, though. It lets out a deep growl. What do you do?
I'm sorry, but Greenwood is unable to imbue an arrow with the fire element, and he isn't a mage . Stick to your class.
Those are the rules. No magic without applying it to an arrow.
It is not my fault the humid air won't allow you to imbue your arrows with fire. Anyway, you should worry more about the swamp monster you ignored earlier. The commotion woke the other monstrosity up from its slumber, taking the group by surprise. Holy Radiance was unable to act as it grabbed their hind legs with a couple of vines.
came an annoyed grumble.
<...fine. Don't do it again, though.>
Are we quite finished yet? Yes? Don't make me swing the ban hammer for fighting each other again, okay? Alright, then...
In a moment of noble chivalry, Greenwood comes to the aid of the earthpony priest, rescuing them from the cruel fate of becoming plant food. Meanwhile, Graysword and Misty were in a pickle. The other plant monster was too slippery for the paladin to hit. What do you do?
Sadly, the monstrosity seemed even too slippery for Misty's magic to catch it.
In a moment of ingenuity, Misty commanded arcane magics to change the humid air temperature around the swamp monster to below freezing. Its movements slowed noticeably down, allowing her to ensnare it with her thorn bindings. It did not survive the strike of Graysword's blade, shattering it into frozen bits.
Greenwood and Holy Radiance were still engaged with the second plant monster on the other side of the battle. Its initial ambush might have caught them off guard, but they were far from helpless. Now that Holy Radiance was able to concentrate instead of panicking, what do you want to do?
Then, roll for a protection bonus and a chance to stun. Greenwood, what do you do?
Then, you may roll for success and a chance to critically hit.
As luck would have it, Holy Radiance managed to stun the plant monster long enough for Greenwood to stab it in its gooey core. Due to the protective enhancement, the acid that spewed forth from the dying creature caused no damage to the 'noble' beast tamer, who is currently without a beast to his name.
No.
You're imagining things. Now, stay silent, and let me continue with the narration.
While our esteemed heroes have managed to survive the ambush, Luna finds herself unable to escape her bindings as the wicked warlock sets up the ritual to revive the ancient necromancer back to life. Or unlife, as the case might be.
"At long last, I shall command the legions of doom as I offer my master the strongest body there is! Muahahaha!" Obsidian cackled, lighting candles and torches alike with an unnaturally green flame. "And you two shall serve as the sacrifice for my master's grand return!"
"You won't get away with this!" Luna snarled back, struggling in her bindings. Her sister wasn't better off on that front, though she was noticeably less vocal about her panicked thoughts, whimpering in fear.
It was then that one of Obsidian's followers entered the expansive chamber, a rigid and severe look in their eyes. "My Lord, one of our spies has spotted the mage. She and a new team of adventurers entered the forest not too long ago."
"Curses," Obsidian grunted. All thoughts of gloating over his impending victory were forgotten as he angrily stomped his hoof. "Ready every soldier at once! I want that blasted mage in chains sniveling before me!"
"Should we not accelerate our plans, My Lord?"
"No!" Obsidian seethed. "I want her to watch as everything she worked to protect is rendered to ashes right before her eyes!"
Obsidian's minion nodded reverently, seeing the true evil genius of his leader's wisdom behind those words.
Hush now. As I was saying, Obsidian's evil evilness inspired confidence in his evil goon. With his head held high, he relayed his words to the other zealots to share the evil mastermind's plan to break the morale of our heroic heroes.
Obsidian's forces obviously know how Luna Nightshadow operates; they wouldn't leave her bound with access to a means to escape. Luckily for you, though, the interruption made the guards and Obsidian pay less attention to Luna and Sunny Skies.
Hah! I thought you would never ask. Let's see here...
Luna took a cautious glance around herself, noting that there seemed to be an indent of some sort behind the altar. Could this ancient civilization have left behind a secret passage to access the cathedral?
Since Luna was an experienced burglar, she knew all kinds of tricks to find hidden treasures and lesser-known routes. Getting into a secret passageway? Now, that was foal's play for her. The only problem was she was still bound on top of the altar next to her sister. What do you do?
The ropes may have seen better days. Still, to snap them, Luna would need to strain herself beyond what she felt was safe, even with the inattentive guards being distracted by celebrating their leader's true evil evilness.
A keen eye took note of the weathered quality of the altar. The edge seemed rough enough to slice through the individual strands of the rope binding them. But was the risk of somepony noticing the sound worth it?
Then, you may roll for success and a bonus to stealth.
As soon as Luna started attempting to free herself, Sunny Skies noticed what her sister was doing. Feeling hope rising in her chest, she wiggled herself inconspicuously into a position to hide her sister's actions. Lo and behold, slowly but surely, the rope started to come undone.
Before Luna could free her sister as well, Obsidian turned back to gloat some more like the evil villain he was.
"It is ironic, is it not? Soon, the pony you betrayed will be here to be sacrificed alongside you. Oh, I can't wait to see her face as she realizes how her 'friend' is in the same boat as her! Ah hah hah ha!"
Aww, come on! He's based on a Daring Do villain. Fine, we'll skip back to our merry band of adventurers, then. We really need to teach you nerd culture.
Ahem, Holy Radiance .
Yes, but we are still in the middle of an ongoing campaign here. Can we get back to that and talk about our plans afterward? Yes? Good.
The chasm led our four heroes to what seemed to be an old maintenance tunnel. Unfortunately, a large iron grate stood in their way. What do you do?
Greenwood stated, once more forgetting that his skills were that of a beast tamer, not a rogue.
Not this kind of hunter.
I do not.
Graysword commented.
Even if the group changed their minds now, climbing the rope back up would be too difficult, with the humidity making it wet. There seemed to be no other way forward than this ancient passage.
a pony that was currently not in the vicinity of the group commented. A pony that will keep quiet if she values escaping alive.
Ahem, as I was saying. Our heroes could not return the way they came from, and the way forward was still blocked by an iron grate.
Greenwood asked.
No.
I'm sure you will figure it out. Perhaps Mage Misty Bellcape might have an idea?
The iron grate seems to be in a terribly weathered state. A nudge from Graysword didn't seem to budge it, though. What else might our studious mage think of?
Misty called on her arcane might to freeze the metal around the lock with frigid temperatures. Slowly, the frost spread from the afflicted area, making the iron brittle and easy to break by a strong pony.
Graysword turned, and with a strong buck from his hind legs, he broke the obstructing iron grate in two parts with the sound of a metallic snap. The hinges still worked, although they made a horrible sound as the rusty grate swung open. With their path now free, the group continued with their quest. But first, I need a break. All that Colta Cola is demanding a way out.
Hush, you. We'll do a quick five-minute break. Be right back!
"So? What do you think so far?" Eight Bit asked me while Twilight and the rest of the still-present colts gave me a hopeful look.
"It's okay?" I hummed, shrugging. "Gaffer is a bit of an eccentric pony, isn't he?"
Shining smiled with humor. "He's a good Game Master who does things his way instead of doing everything by the book. It adds more personality to our games."
Yeah, and a lot of conflict, huh? "I guess," I said, taking his word for it. "I haven't done much yet, so I'll have to withhold my judgment until later."
"Once we meet up, you'll see the pace will pick up significantly," Eight Bit commented, and I hoped he was right about that. Otherwise, I might just have to pass for next week's game night. The game wasn't fun when you spent it doing nothing, waiting to be rescued. Well, almost nothing. It was fun getting on Gaffer's nerves, at least. Say what you want about the unicorn, but he was definitely entertaining.
"I might as well go use the toilet, too," I said, stretching my legs. "Do you guys have a second bathroom?"
"There's one on the second floor," Twilight answered, scrambling after me. "I need to go, as well. I can show you where it is!"
"Well, then," I said, letting her go up the stairs before me. "Lead the way, oh mighty mage."
Twilight giggle-snorted, running up the steps with her tiny body. She was cute; no argument there. I kept up with her as we made our ascent to the second floor into a little race (I let her win, of course). She was a bit embarrassed as she shyly asked me for help using the big mare's toilet, and I awkwardly kept her from making a mess by falling in or something. The only child I ever remember having to help with 'that' part was my daughter, and she wasn't at the age where she could do it by herself, either.
I learned one thing from helping Twilight: I was definitely not cut out to be a mother, neither now nor back then. Good thing succubi could not reproduce through conventional means. We were pretty much sterile as far as our 'wombs' went.
...that was a conversation I hoped I would never have to explain to Cadance. She was going to be so devastated; I just knew it. She was enamored with the idea of having a little filly or colt at some point in her life. It would break her heart once she learned the truth about how incubi worked and the part succubi played in it (whether it was voluntary or not).
We still hadn't gotten around to figuring out how much her body changed internally, but I guessed that even if she was only half succubus on the outside, her holy grace would make trying to get pregnant very difficult, either way. Angels weren't exactly known for reproducing through sex, as well. And not just because they were prudish pricks. But that was a topic for another time.
Author's Note
Thanks to the incredibly kind people who hit the little green button, we reached a milestone! The next chapter will be released one week from now and I'll adjust the chapter schedule accordingly.
Chapter 009 - Game Night, Part Two.
Our break lasted about twenty minutes instead of the five minutes Gaffer initially set. We got some more drinks, stretched our legs, got a few more snacks, and talked about some of the recent movies. Not that I could add much; I had yet to see any in magic pony land. I could guess what the plot of many of those was, though. Pop culture here seemed to mirror Earth's in the eighties, only with ponies as the primary focus (obviously).
It was still a trial of patience for me since I had never really watched sci-fi in my human life and had not bothered to watch any movies or television series in my long years as a succubus. I had better things to do than watch movies, not that I had much choice regarding entertainment in Hell or the places I had been summoned to.
Most of my time in Hell boiled down to being used as a wet hole to be fucked whether I wanted to or not, studying different realities in Lilith's library, practicing my shapeshifting abilities, invading some poor idiot's dream to tempt them into summoning me, and staying one step ahead of my so-called sisters lest I found a dagger in the back of my head. I had the unfortunate fortune of that happening a few times during my earlier stay in our 'dear' mother's castle, and it sucked ass. My supernatural healing made sure I stayed just barely alive while my body was helpless against the very sharp and very painful object in my brain. It sucked big time whenever I was unable to dislodge it myself—and of course, those spiteful bitches always hid my twitching body out of sight to make my suffering even worse.
The first time it happened, I spent about forty years in agony until Lilith found me by pure chance. I had to suffer through her punishment for another two decades to make up for my failure to defend myself. Getting raped by her hellhounds was not pleasant, seriously. I learned to be a lot more cautious and mistrusting as a result. Still, it didn't help a lot when those bitches learned to be craftier after I earned Lilith's favor over them due to my 'good' behavior. They were just jealous they didn't get to be worshiped as a goddess by mortals like the petty brats they were.
But enough of that. I wouldn't have to worry about those toxic assholes ever again; I could move on and enjoy my freedom from my eternal torment. A few scars might remain, but those would be easy enough to ignore—I mean, 'deal with'—in a totally healthy manner. Nothing a couple of centuries in magic pony land couldn't fix, I was sure. That, and a passionate night or two with a group of unsuspecting stallions.
Sex could heal all wounds when you were the one taking advantage of horny men. Not that I would kill them and take their souls, but punishing the wicked was kind of my thing. Nothing felt better than ruining a mortal's sex life, seriously. It warmed my shriveled husk of a heart when they got punished for cheating on their loved ones, only to come back crawling to me to make things 'better.' That was usually the point where I would reap my reward for the mistake of summoning me and forcing me into a contract. But I didn't need to do that anymore, nor was I obligated to return to Hell for the incubi to take all the cum I had collected.
This world was maybe a bit too innocent for my tastes, although that might not be a bad thing. I could have fun and seduce a stallion here and there without ruining their lives immediately. The jury was still out for the likes of Buck Withers and the other potential wannabe suitors of my best friend. If the jock couldn't clean up his act after graduating school, I might have to pay him a visit in the future and make him regret ever having spoken to Cadance. Shining Armor might be safe from my wrath, depending on whether or not he could admit he would never have a chance with her.
He was a decent enough guy, but he was aiming way too high with his fantasies of marrying a princess. And, well... he was a mortal. No way in Hell would I ever allow him to break Cadance's heart by letting him grow old next to her while she stayed eternally young. Even if he somehow managed to escape Heaven under the watchful gaze of the angel pricks, he could not be allowed to touch a hair on Cady's perfect body. He was a horny teenager; he was reducing her to her looks, and that was a major red flag in my eyes.
He was going to break her heart one way or another; I was sure of it. He wouldn't ever treat her right; I just knew it. Heck, the way he looked at me told me enough he would be too easily tempted into cheating on her. It would take just one pretty mare making come-hither eyes at him before his wedding night for him to grow weak and mindless like the little zombie pony that he was. And then, his little tryst would result in an unholy baby of some hellspawn bitch, ruining any chances of him making it up to Cadance. It would inevitably break her heart into a thousand pieces, leading to her never being able to love again. I could see it clearly before my eyes; Cadance's future happiness depended entirely on him never becoming a couple with her.
Twilight, I was sorry, but I had to break your brother's heart. He would sooner marry a bug in disguise than give Cadance what she wanted—what she deserved . It was better this way for all ponies involved, trust me.
Ahem! Our gaming session continued much like the introduction to the story did. Gaffer put more than his fair share of traps into the maintenance tunnel leading up to the cathedral. He made the guys (and Twilight) fight a giant lizard monster, a big turtle, and a hydra blocking the drain of all things. Meanwhile, I was finding my own way out of being a damsel in distress...
Luna Nightshadow was able to cut through her bindings, freeing her sister as well before Obsidian's minions could notice something was amiss. Fortunately, her high sneakiness skills gave her a greater likelihood of not getting discovered. What do you do next?
Despite the watchful gaze of Obsidian's evil goons, Luna found an inconspicuous latch. The only problem with the escape route was that the door was heavier than a regular wooden door. Opening it would make a lot of noise and alert her enemies to the escape attempt. What will you do?
Sure. As a rogue, there are many ways you could use deception and subterfuge to your advantage. You could also search for your missing gear.
The guards are still on alert, lax as it has been, but yes, they would. You are lucky your rolls have been so high, or your sneakiness skills wouldn't have been enough to cut your bonds without being noticed.
If it corresponds with your class and is among the repertoire of your skills, yes.
That would make the guards suspicious, but you could indeed use your magic to that effect. You also have the smoke bomb ability.
There's a reason you have your character sheet right there in front of you, you know.
You may roll for success and a chance to confuse your opponents, then.
You really have a way with dice, don't you? I suppose fortune does favor the bold. The spell Luna cast made the torches and candles go out with an eerie flicker. Obsidian's minions stumbled over themselves in the ensuing chaos, allowing her to escape with her sister through the tunnel behind the altar. Her distraction wouldn't last for long, though. Sooner rather than later, they would notice the two elven ponies went missing from their position at the altar.
Easier said than done. The passageway took Luna and Sunny directly to their storage chamber and alerted the guard standing watch over the stolen goods Obsidian and his evil minions brought with them. What do you do?
The closest thing that would fit your requirements were an old frying pan, a broom, and a steel chain. You will have to choose fast; the guard is already turning around to alert the others of your presence.
Oof, that's going to bruise. Roll for success.
Hmph. If this continues like that, I'll have to penalize you for being too lucky. How come you're that good?
Yeah, sure. Anyway, Luna got a lucky throw, hitting the helmet of the unfortunate guard, making him stumble and clutch his head from the percussion. He is not out of the fight yet, though. What do you do?
The poor, evil goon. What did he do to you?
You're heartless.
The two elven mares did their best to tie the guard up after committing the worst crime one could commit to the male sex, leaving less wiggle room to move than Obsidian subjected Luna and Sunny Skies to. If there was one thing the sisters learned, it was that you didn't do things halfway (and you take every dirty advantage you can—you monster ).
N-no...
Right. S-so, uh... with their almost discovery thwarted, the two of them set off to find their gear and lock the stallion in the storage chamber, leaving him unable to call for help. You better hurry, though. Somepony might notice the broom stuck between the handle and the door frame.
Unfortunately, it seems the cathedral doesn't have any on the floor you are on.
I won't give you that easy of an escape. Here's a hint: the air in the hallways smells musty and stale, and a chilly feeling creeps up your spine at how cold everything feels. A pegasus would feel uncomfortable with the tight confines around yourself.
How about you ask your sister why she looks so uncomfortable?
"Sunny, is everything alright?" Luna asked her sister with a strangely monotone voice as she noticed the pegasus shiver. C'mon, at least act like you're concerned.
Fine...
"Just a bit claustrophobic, sister," Sunny Skies responded as she tightened her wings against her sides. "You know I'd rather be on the lookout from the rooftops than explore some musty old cellar."
Hush. Either I do the voice for Sunny, or you ask somepony else to roleplay as your sister.
I'll have you know I take offense to that. The next time one of us plays stand-in for a female character, it's Poindexter's turn.
If you have to ask that, you definitely haven't learned your lesson yet.
whispered a certain princess.
There was a tiny chuckle next to her.
Ahem! Can I get back to the campaign now, please? I swear, I've never been interrupted as much during a game session as today. Let's just get this over with...
As our two vagabond thieves searched for a way out of the cathedral, our group of heroes finally found their way in after braving the dangers of the sewers. There was just one problem: it seemed the guards were on high alert. They were keeping watch on all known exits. Two of the guards immediately noticed you. What do you do?
There is such a spell, but it requires at least level ten. Sorry, Misty.
Clever. You may each roll for success.
Alright, let's see here... Misty could only barely slow their movements down due to their magic-resistant armor. It allowed Greenwood to aim true, though, instantly taking one of the guards out of the fight. The other one dodged Graysword's shield bash, going in for a counterattack. What do you do?
You may roll for success, then.
It seems the guard was a more experienced fighter than his evil buddy. Graysword had trouble deflecting the sword, but the protective barrier prevented him from getting hurt. Due to his positional awareness, the guard kept Graysword between him and a clear line of sight for Greenwood.
<...>
Right. So... if Princess Forbidden Pleasure is done shooting death lasers from her eyes, can we continue?
Uh-huh. You tell yourself that. Anyway, let's get on with the show. Shining, you must roll at least a ten to come out on top.
Shining rolled his dice while Eight Bit glanced at me from the side. "You made him really nervous there, huh?"
I frowned as the pegasus smiled awkwardly while Twilight gave me an uncertain look. "What's it to you?"
"Nothing, nothing! I was just wondering..." he said, giving me some space. "You've been giving him these weird looks all evening and even over the week at school. Are you... jealous?"
"What?!" I asked in a harsh whisper, momentarily drawing the attention of the other guys. They continued with the game unhindered, thankfully. "Why would you think I would be jealous?!"
"Well... Cadance seems popular," Eight Bit explained cautiously. "I know I would be jealous if the pony I liked was into my friend rather than into me."
I stared at Eight Bit for a moment. He couldn't possibly... "I'm not into Shining Armor!" I denied it, hoping the unicorn stallion wouldn't overhear us.
Eight Bit seemed to sag with relief, smiling awkwardly. "You're not?"
"No!" I exclaimed, interrupting Gaffer in his narration again. We probably should be paying more attention to the game, but I had to snuff out this drama before it could get anywhere. I was not jealous, damnit. Who said I was jealous?!
"So..."
I sneered. "I'm not into you, either."
Eight Bit wilted. "O-oh..."
"Who do you like, then?" Twilight asked me innocently.
"No one! You're being ridiculous!"
"So... if you won't marry him, Shining has to marry Cadance."
"He won't marry Cadance, either!" I growled.
"But... how will you become my sister if you won't marry my brother?"
My eyelid twitched. "Twilight—" I muttered, only to be interrupted by the pinto unicorn stallion.
"Ahem!" Gaffer cleared his throat, giving us the stink eye.
"Sorry," I muttered, feeling my ears and cheeks burn with embarrassment. Gaffer rolled his eyes, but before we could get back into the game, the front door of Shining Armor's house opened with noisy sounds of hooves on the floor following soon after.
"Shining! Twilight! We're back!" a mare's voice called out that I assumed belonged to Twilight's mother. "Mrs. Towel? I hope we didn't..."
The noise got quieter as she presumably went upstairs to check on her daughter. Twilight gave me a panicked look while Shining's ears wilted. It didn't take long until the door to the basement opened, and a middle-aged mare came down to check on the whereabouts of her children.
"Shining, did Mrs. Towel forget to come by again? I didn't see her upstairs with—O-oh! You have a new... friend..." the light gray mare with the moderate purple and white mane said, noticing me sitting there next to her daughter and Shining's friends. "Oh, my! I'm so sorry; I hope Twilight behaved herself while you were playing with the colts! I—"
"It's okay," I said, making her relax visibly. "Though I recommend you find yourself a different foalsitter. Your... previous one expressed some concerning views regarding my pony tribe."
Shining's mother took my wings and fangs in for the first time in addition to my horn, and her light blue eyes widened comically. Not a moment later, she was prostrating herself on the ground before me. “P-P-Princess!”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. "You may rise," I told her, not at all happy about how she felt the need to kiss the floor in front of me, and more importantly, her children. I was a guest in her house, not the other way around.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't recognize you at first! I assumed Shining and his friends made friends with a filly from school, not... not a princess! I'm so sorry!"
I rubbed my temples with a hoof tiredly. "It's okay, really. Just... stop treating me like that, for f—friendship's sake," I grumbled, catching myself before I swore in Twilight's presence. I was uncertain whether or not it was worth it, seeing the weird looks I was receiving from around the table. I wasn't exactly known to mince my words around the guys, but Twilight was another matter entirely. I glared at them. "What?!"
"N-nothing!" Eight Bit squeaked, quickly looking away. I rolled my eyes. Whatever.
"I'm sorry, Princess, but... you said something about Mrs. Towel being a tribalist? I had no idea," Twilight's mother said, ears wilting. "I'm heartbroken to hear she was so rude to you. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, please don't hesitate to mention it."
Before I could reply, Twilight was already in front of her mother. "It's okay, Mom! The Princess sent her away, and we had lots of fun without her!"
I snorted, smirking with evil glee. "Right. I'm happy you liked hanging out with us, Twi. Miss Wet Poodle was a nasty, boring pony, anyway."
Twilight giggled while her mother smiled awkwardly, uncertain. "Can I keep playing with her and Shiny, Mom? I promise I won't eat any junk food... anymore."
"I don't know," she said, giving me a hesitant look. "If it isn't too much of a bother for you, Your Highness?"
I shrugged, grinning down at the kid. "I don't have any problems with that. I'd totally be lost without her help, right guys?"
"Yeah!"
"Sure."
"Twilight can stay. The more, the merrier, right?"
We all looked at Shining Armor next. "Hm? Oh! Yeah, Twily stuck to her side the whole evening, Mom. She also said something about a new foalsitter?"
"Oh, yes! Mom, Pleasure said that—"
"I'd be happy to keep an eye on her whenever I have the time, and you need a foalsitter," I said, interrupting the little filly before she could mention Cadance's name. Said filly gave me a stunned look that quickly turned to awe while Shining Armor frowned. Eight Bit gave me a weird look again, but I ignored him.
There was no way in Hell I would give Shining Armor a chance to talk to Cadance alone with his earlier comment. I knew perfectly well what he was up to; he couldn't fool me. I've got my eyes on you, you fucking horndog.
"I-I couldn't ask you to—"
"Please , Mom?"
"Twilight, honey, I'm not sure we could afford—"
"I won't charge any bits," I interrupted her, and this time, it was her turn to give me a shocked, awed look.
"But..." she started, fidgeting in uncertainty. "Won't you have more important things to do? You're a princess! We can't possibly ask you to come foalsit Twilight when you must be so incredibly busy!"
"I don't have any 'important' duties just yet. I'm more or less free to do whatever I want on the weekends after my exercises. I'm sure my aunt will occasionally make exceptions during the weekdays if necessary. I'm free on Fridays after school, so I might as well watch her while we play."
It looked like the light gray mare was fighting with herself over whether or not she wanted to accept my offer. It didn't take long for her to falter as Twilight turned to her with the full might of the puppy dog eyes. Oh, the little brat was the manipulative kind, wasn't she? Heh. I approved wholeheartedly. "Oh, alright. But only if you stay for dinner! I won't let it be known to anypony that I'm an ungrateful host."
"Yay!" Twilight cheered, and I chuckled as she did a silly dance, jumping around like the energetic little filly that she was.
"Speaking of dinner, your father and I brought pizza with us. There's enough for everypony to have some. Do you want to eat down here with your friends or come upstairs, Shining?"
"I—" Shining Armor began, but he didn't get far as I had already moved away from the table, intent on going upstairs.
"We will eat with you," I said. "Isn't that right, Twilight?"
"Yes! Can I sit next to you? Please?"
I smirked. "Sure," I said, rubbing her head. I looked back at Shining Armor, daring him to say something different.
The white unicorn colt seemed to imitate a fish momentarily before he reluctantly got up. "I guess we will eat in the dining room?"
His friends all shrugged and followed us up the stairs. I could tell he would rather eat in the basement and keep playing Ogres and Oubliettes, but peer pressure won out in the end.
We met Twilight's father in the kitchen as he was putting away the groceries. He had a blue coat and a midnight blue mane and tail. On his forehead was a unicorn horn, and his golden-yellow eyes turned our way as we came out of the man cave downstairs. He did a double take as he saw me, and I had to tell him to get up from inspecting the ground up close, but otherwise, he seemed like a pretty chill guy.
I learned that his name was Night Light, while Twilight's mother had a name identical to that of her daughter. Her name was Twilight Velvet, and she was an editor for a famous book author, while Night Light worked as a bookbinder despite what his cutie mark might have suggested. I supposed the two must have met due to work.
The dining table had more than enough room for all of us and then some. I was pretty sure Aunty Sunbutt could have easily sat at the head of the table without taking up half of the room with her ginormous swan wings. Seriously, I had no idea why she kept them open for more than half the day. Maybe she was part swan for real and had to take up as much space as possible to look more important.
Obviously, the pizzas were without meat—no surprises there—but for some reason, Twilight's parents thought ananas was a good topping to choose from. I stayed away from the travesty that was ananas on pizza and went for a couple of slices of spinach pizza. Twilight sat down next to me and grabbed herself a slice of the mozzarella pizza while Shining took a slice from the unholy abomination and a slice from the mozzarella pizza. The others divided the chili cheese pizza among themselves, and Shining's parents took some slices of the spinach and mozzarella pizzas.
Tch. I knew Shining could not be trusted. No normal pony puts ananas on their pizza. Good luck finding a girlfriend like that. You will stay a virgin forever at this rate.
We made some small talk over dinner while everyone enjoyed their frankly divine pizza slices. Those were some high-quality pizzas, hot damn. I would have to take Cadance to the pizzeria where they got them; they were crazy good. They used fresh ingredients for everything on top of making their own cheese and tomato sauce (shocker, I know). Better yet, Night Light told me they had a stone oven that was older than Princess Auntia (allegedly). All the famous ponies went there to eat Italian food, whether or not they lived in Canterlot.
Without connections, you would have to wait hours in line, and getting a reservation for a table there was nigh impossible for the next year and a half. It was a family-run business, and the time they were open was limited to a few short hours each evening, which made me question how Twilight's parents got them without coming home empty-handed. Or empty-hoofed, I supposed. Stupid ponyisms.
Night Light gave me a curious look as I forwent using my horn magic to eat while Twilight Velvet looked on in concern. I slowly stopped chewing as things got increasingly awkward. "What..?"
"Dear, is something wrong with your magic?" Twilight Velvet asked me, and I blinked. I gave the straight horn, barely in the field of my vision, a glance before noticing that even Twilight was eating her pizza with the pieces floating in her magic aura.
"No?" I answered, feeling kind of uncomfortable for being called out on eating like a savage. Or what Sunset called eating like a savage, anyway. Fuck that bitch.
"Forbidden told me she can't use her horn very well yet," Twilight mentioned, like the little brat she was. I gave her the stink eye for snitching on me. She smiled innocently back at me. Hmph. She was good. I could already tell she would grow up with a scary poker face. She was a little troublemaker, wasn't she?
"Oh," Twilight Velvet hummed, surprised. "I can't imagine what it must be like to be unable to use your magic."
"Eh, I haven't had my horn for very long yet," I said, shrugging with my wings. It was the truth, depending on how you defined having a horn. I certainly never had a unicorn horn before. And the curly ram horns of my demon form couldn't channel magic, so there was that.
"How fascinating," Night Light mentioned. "Did it just appear one day? I imagine you must have only had your wings before, right?"
I rubbed my neck with a hoof. "You could say that," I said, unsure how much I could say about ascension. "Cadance and I got them at the same time. Aunty Celestia has been teaching us whenever she has the time. We also have tutors to get us up to speed."
"Did your village not have a school?"
"Uh..." I hesitated. I know I saw one, but the last year wasn't exactly very kind to it. "The school didn't teach any magic. Or much at all aside from math and... Equish."
"What?!" Twilight gasped, horrified. "Only math and Equish?!"
I shrugged, retelling what Cadance told me about it. "Our village was pretty remote, and we were the only... ponies... with wings there. It was an earthpony village before we were found in the woods by ourselves as little foals," I explained, lying in regard to my happenstance of 'living' there. To a certain degree of the word living, anyway.
"So you are sisters!" Twilight exclaimed, and I facehoofed.
"No, we're not," I grumbled. "We weren't even adopted by the same pair of ponies." If one were to count enslavement as 'adoption,' then sure, I was adopted by the worst kind of pony there was.
"Oh," she deflated, pouting. I snickered, nudging her with a wing. What a silly little pony.
Twilight Velvet hummed, giving me a curious look in response to my (more or less fabricated) story. If I included 'summoned' in the meaning of found, it wasn't even too far off the truth. "What did your parents think about you becoming alicorns and moving to Canterlot?"
"I..." I said, biting my lip. For unknown reasons, I felt my ears wilt at the mention of parents and the lack of any alive, both for Cadance and me.
Twilight Velvet seemed to have realized she had touched an unpleasant topic. "Oh. I'm so sorry, dear. I didn't mean to," she whispered, guilty.
I gave her a nod, trying to smile, only to find a frown on my muzzle instead. A tear rolled down the side of my face, and I wiped it away, mildly confused. Heck, I never knew my parents as a human, either. Why was I the one crying now? "It's okay," I muttered, and the table descended into uncomfortable silence. What a weird feeling, sorrow. When was the last time I felt remotely sad? It usually was seething anger and burning hatred whenever I looked back at my past.
"How did you and Cadance become friends if you aren't sisters?" Twilight suddenly asked, and I turned my head to her. What?
"Why are you so fixated on us being sisters?" I asked, puzzled.
"Because if Shiny marries you, I get two sisters instead of just one!" she stated it like it was obvious. Said colt did a spit-take. With cola. On me. Ugh.
"Fu—Ngh," I exclaimed, clamping my muzzle shut with a baleful glare directed at the white teenage stallion. "Thanks for that , you piece of—" I growled, grabbing the towel offered by his mother as I desperately tried getting the sticky substance out of my coat. For fuck's sake, what a fucking idiot! "Twilight, what in the nine rings of—Where in Equestria did you get that idea from?!"
"Dear, if you want, you can use the shower upstairs to clean yourself up," Twilight Velvet interjected, obviously concerned I would blow my lid any second now. It was tempting, but...
"No, thanks," I huffed, sagging in my seat. I threw the towel on my plate with a grumble. Stupid, brain-dead asshole. I took a deep breath, calming myself down. I couldn't let myself get too worked up. "Your offer is very kind, Mrs. Velvet, but I think I'll take my leave for this evening. It's getting late, and I don't want to make my guard wait too long to escort me back to the castle."
Not that I went here with one, but the batponies in the night guard were very overprotective of me for reasons I wasn't quite sure about—I doubted it was just because of my 'apparent' pony race. I was ninety-nine percent sure at least one was shadowing me twenty-four-seven around the clock.
Twilight (the small and purple one, that is) wilted slightly as I said that. "Do you have to go so early? We haven't even finished playing the campaign yet!"
"Kiddo, the sun went down an hour ago," I mentioned, trying not to frown. It took some effort, but eventually, I had a soft smile on my muzzle. "We'll continue next week, okay? I'll leave my phone number so your parents can call when they need a foalsitter. Don't make them call me just because you feel like it, alright?" Twilight nodded, and I grinned. "Great. If you behave yourself, I'll show you a secret hoof shake only the two of us will know, okay?"
"Really?" Twilight beamed up at me, and I nodded.
"Really."
Twilight clapped her hooves excitedly while her parents shook their heads good-naturedly. Shining avoided eye contact with me while Poindexter and Gaffer gave me small, disappointed smiles that I wouldn't hang out with them for longer. Eight Bit was frowning at Shining like he had committed the worst crime in history, but he gave me a hesitant smile when I said my goodbyes to them.
"It was nice meeting you, dear," Twilight Velvet mentioned as she saw me off at the door. Night Light gave me a hoof bump, saying it was a pleasure talking with me. Then Twilight hugged me (the big, light gray one; Tiny Twi had to hop into bed at her parent's insistence, much to the displeasure of the filly). "Do be careful on your way home."
"I will," I reassured her, already spotting the totally inconspicuous guard on a rooftop on the opposite side of the block—so much for being stealthy. It was kind of endearing, to be honest. "Don't be too harsh on your kids, okay?"
Twilight Velvet exchanged a quick glance with her husband before smiling awkwardly back at me. "I would never, Princess," she said, a concerned look entering her eyes. "Why would you assume that?"
"I..." I started, only to trail off awkwardly. Fuck. I forgot ponies weren't humans, and scolding their foals was the most they ever did. They rarely even used harsh words to reprimand their kids, too.
The light gray mare reached out a hoof to touch me on the shoulder. I let her despite feeling uncomfortable. "Dear, did you get abused by your parents?"
"What? No!" I denied, wincing. Abandonment didn't count as abuse, did it? I mean... I was sure my human parents had good reasons for doing so. I ended up in Hell; they must have known I would end up being a problem child. And, well... Lilith was a literal demon queen; her calling herself my mother was more of a formality than actual adoption. I wouldn't consider her my mother or anything, even though she tried her best to gaslight me into believing I was her actual daughter. She was a cruel, manipulative bitch, through and through, end of story.
The less said about Prismia, the better.
"You can tell us if something is bothering you, dear," Twilight Velvet whispered, concerned. "You already feel like a part of the family; I wouldn't want you to suffer silently."
"I'm fine ," I responded, harsher than intended. Twilight Velvet withdrew her hoof from me as if burned, and I averted my eyes. "Even if I was, I'm over it. It's in the past."
"Princess..." she hummed, stepping closer to me. I took a step back, afraid. I didn't need her fucking pity. I was a big girl... I could take care of myself. I've always done so, and... I always will.
"Don't," I muttered. "It's not like it matters anymore. My real parents didn't want me and my surrogate—" Fuck that bitch. Aunt Celestia was a thousand times better than Lilith could ever be, and that idiot pony was as dense as they came. She couldn't even admit to herself that she saw Sunset as her daughter, for fuck's sake. God forbid she ever gave birth to a foal of her own. Not that I thought anypony would ever want to stick their dick in that dusty old vagina, to be honest.
Mrs. Velvet frowned slightly. "Have you spoken with the Princess about what you went through?"
I snorted. Sure. She saw the entirety of my fucked up life on a big ass magic television screen. "Both her and Cadance know," I grumbled. "And I'd prefer to keep it that way. I don't want to burden anypony else with my baggage. You don't want to know the details."
"If you say so..." she said. I could see the water in her eyes and smell the pity from a mile away. Fucking Hell, why did ponies have to be so caring and kind and shit? "I won't keep you any longer. But, please... talk to somepony who can help you deal with it. I know of a wonderful pony who helped me a great deal through my own trauma."
Oh. "...were you..?"
"Abused? No, nothing like that," she told me, frowning sadly. "I lost a foal before we got Twilight. It hit pretty hard... we almost didn't try again if it weren't for my therapist helping me deal with it."
"I..." I swallowed, thinking of my daughter. She was probably long since in Heaven now (I would know if she ended up in Hell). In a way, I did exactly what my biological parents did to me. I left her all alone in an unforgiving world with no one to look after her. She probably hated my guts. I earned it, too.
"It was nice meeting you, Princess," Mrs. Velvet said, and I nodded glumly, feeling bad for her. She was far too nice to deserve something like that.
"Take care of Twilight and... Shining," I said, smiling awkwardly. For some reason, I felt like a small child around her. She was very maternal. Maybe, at some point, she would drop the title. The light gray mare felt like extended family already after only meeting her. Despite how much Twilight (the tiny one) wanted me to be a part of her family, I wouldn't ever get together with Shining Armor. Not even if my life depended on it. No way in Hell.
"I will," Twilight Velvet nodded. "Have a good night, dear."
"You, too," I responded lamely.
The unicorn gave me one last surprise hug before closing the door after her, leaving me standing in the lamplight of the street lanterns. I frowned, trudging slowly away. Ugh. I really needed a nice, long bath. Screw you, Shining Armor.
At least my shadow knew to keep her distance. I wasn't in the mood to be fawned over by another overly affectionate bat. The first one was cringe, the second one treated me like a child, and the third—actually, the third one was cool, but he was a bit of a gruff ass. So far, Lieutenant Shade Leaf seemed to be the most respectful out of all of them. She knew when to give me space instead of getting on my nerves.
I was thankful I didn't run into anypony on my way to my private chambers. Aunt Celestia was already fast asleep, snoring like a motorboat. Maybe someone should tell her about that.
...Pfft, nah. It was funnier this way. I should take Twilight on a castle tour and throw a slumber party for her just to show her the hilariously embarrassing sight of her monarch snoring up a storm. I was sure she would never be able to stop giggling about it.
Despite the somber mood earlier, I fell asleep that night with a tiny smile on my muzzle. Things weren't so bad anymore. Aside from having to go to school again, I liked it here. I could do without some things, but those were pretty minor compared to what I had to endure in Hell.
Maybe Mrs. Velvet was right. Perhaps I should talk to someone professional about my time in Hell and learn to cope with decades upon decades of post-traumatic stress disorder. But first, Shining Armor needed a reminder to stay the fuck away from Cadance.
Suffice it to say, I was more than certain the guy wouldn't have the courage to confess his feelings toward her anymore. I knew how to make a rejection sound very convincing, and it would constantly nag at him in the back of his mind. That, and I made sure to exploit his insecurities about Buck Withers, his non-existent popularity, and his stallion-ness for good measure. There was some internalized homophobia there, as well. It seemed somepony was afraid of being seen as a 'colt-cuddler.' It was more than enough fuel to torment him with one nightmare after another of Cadance telling him he would never have a chance with her.
I didn't feel the least bit bad about bullying my friend. I was a demon; I did stuff like this for entertainment. No amount of pity for the guy could hinder me from crushing his dreams of a perfect, fairytale romance.
And yet... why did it feel so hollow and dirty?
No matter. This was for the best. I just had to keep telling myself that. Cadance's happiness was just too important to me. I couldn't let him break her heart. Just like I couldn't allow myself to feel anything but friendship for her.
She was too good for anypony . Even me.
Chapter 010 - Demons don't do guilt.
The weekend passed rather quickly, all things considered. I didn't let up from turning Shining Armor's dreams into a hellscape of rejection and humiliation despite the sour taste it left in my mouth. It felt like I was kicking an innocent puppy in the nuts for some reason.
Eh. It was a good thing that my heart was already pitch black (more or less). Fuck the feeling of remorse; I wouldn't stop until he dropped this silly fantasy of his. He could find himself a nerdy mortal unicorn mare. Or a stallion, I don't judge. Not that I thought he would get over his internalized homophobia anytime soon. The idiot was so fucking insecure about his stallionhood and sexuality that it wasn't even funny.
Hmph. What did I care, anyway? It wasn't like it was for his own good or anything. The guy was almost ten years younger than Cady; he was setting himself up for failure no matter what. If I wasn't half confident Cadance would give him a pity date to let him down gently, I would have already let him try his luck and watched the resulting burning wreckage with a bucket of cum-flavored popcorn. But on the off chance she would give him a chance, I would rather make sure he never asked her out, to begin with.
I know, I know, the chances were relatively low, but Cadance lived a somewhat isolated life. She was big into romance; the age gap clearly didn't matter to her since she kept teasing me about the guys. Not to mention all the joking, non-serious flirting she did with a millennia-old demon. I could care less about her hitting on me—she was an adult and knew what she was doing—but her trying to play matchmaker with teenagers was... kind of gross. Especially when one of those teenagers couldn't get a hint about me not wanting to date. Her encouraging that kind of behavior was sending me some really weird signals and red flags.
Perhaps she inherited more than just some of my succubus powers; her morality reeked of equal parts demonic mischief and angelic benevolence. And demons weren't exactly known for the innocent kind of mischief. Succubi loved nothing more than to taint the innocence of those around them with forbidden relationships. Not that I ever stooped so low with underage mortals. I had enough patience to wait until they were adults to punish them for cheating on their wives and whatnot.
The other Lilin were by far worse. They were the type to possess little preschool children and rape their fathers and eat their hearts afterward. It was no wonder succubi got a bad reputation almost everywhere universally. I was relatively tame in comparison, clinging to the last shred of morality I had left from my time before I got sentenced to Hell.
Honestly, though, I thought Cadance only did it to get on my nerves. I was pretty insistent on not making friends with a bunch of kids, and she jumped on the opportunity to rub it in my face because I found the nerdiest bunch there was. I would have also made fun of her if she had a lovesick puppy following her around (except Shining Armor and Buck Withers; those two were only after what was between her cheeks, not her personality or anything else, seriously).
As long as it stayed with teasing, I could live with it. Maybe. Probably. Reluctantly.
Anyway, Monday was the usual boring routine of getting sneered at for being better than everyone else, not that that was much of an accomplishment when you actually listened to your teachers and studied instead of engaging in dumb school drama. Not that I was spared having to engage in that kind of crap whenever ponies tried to get closer to Cadance through me. What a bunch of pathetic social climbers. None of them had a genuine interest in being her friend for the sake of being her friend, I swear.
Shining Armor didn't look all that great at lunch as he listlessly poked at his food. I could have cared less that he was in a funk over dream Cadance rejecting him in his slumber and his evil nightmare reflection throwing his insecurities back into his face. He brightened up considerably once we took his mind off the pink alicorn. Not that that stopped him from making dreamy faces throughout the day, and I swore I would have to step up my game by tormenting him with nightmares of Cadance friend-zoning him forever .
Yeah, yeah, I know. I was so evil; I was tormenting my own friend. Yadda yadda yadda. I did not care. Fuck him.
Back at the castle, Cadance and I did our best to finish our considerably larger load of homework compared to last week, seamlessly transitioning into our magic lessons and the obligatory hour or two of sitting in on court.
"How was your day, girls?" Aunt Celestia asked us, expertly keeping an eye on the drama between the two noble ponies squabbling over what was, in all actuality, a petty schoolyard fight of who did what first. So... a typical court case, really.
"I'm getting better at Prench already," Cadance told her, smiling that radiant smile of hers that always made her look more pretty than she had any right to be. God, she was so gorgeous; I hated it. It would be so much easier not to think of her inappropriately if she weren't so frustratingly beautiful. If I hadn't known better, I would have blamed her succubus side, but she had already been like this before our ascension. "Levitation is still super hard, though."
"You will get there, eventually," Aunty Cellybum mentioned, smiling subtly as she nodded at whatever was happening between the nobles. "Keep practicing whenever you can, and you will lift boulders in no time. How about you, Pleasure? I heard you offered your services as a foalsitter?"
Cadance gave me a surprised look, and I rubbed my neck awkwardly. For once, Aunty Tia didn't have to tell me to sit up straight and pretend I was listening to the two bickering ponies. No one was paying us any real attention, anyway. "I, uh... yeah. Twilight's old foalsitter was a tribalist piece of shit."
Aunty gave me a look at my use of profanity in 'public,' and I rolled my eyes. I wasn't going to talk around the bush because she thought it was unbecoming of a princess to swear in front of her subjects. We weren't even talking loud enough for anypony to overhear us aside from a guard or two and Raven (who was dutifully writing the protocol for this court session). The only one I suspected would overhear me without problems was Lieutenant Shade Leaf, and she was chill enough to not give a fuck.
"Well, I'm glad you're coming out of your shell and doing this for a little filly. A young mind needs the right role model to grow up free of prejudice like that. As long as you don't neglect your studies, I'll fully support your decision to foalsit in your free time."
"Thanks," I muttered, ignoring Cadance's proud smile. God fucking damnit, I just knew she would use it as more fuel to tease me about becoming closer to my nerdy group of friends. God forbid she got it in her head that I was only doing this to ask Shining Armor out on a date or some other similar bullshit. "I gave Twilight's parents my phone number and the one for the castle in case of emergencies. I hope that's not too much of a problem?"
Aunt Celestia smiled gently as she shook her head. "I would have been disappointed if you didn't. Just let the secretary know what to expect if they receive a call for you. Many ponies would gladly lie about their reasons for calling the castle to get preferential treatment."
"Right," I nodded, keeping that in mind. I guessed that even in magic pony land, people tried to cut in line wherever they could.
"So, who's this filly?" Cadance asked me curiously. Her smile got more mischievous as she got a teasing glint in her light purple eyes. She nudged me playfully and made a guess, saying, "Perhaps a sister of somepony we know~?"
I resisted the urge to groan, pushing her away from me. I gave her an unamused frown while Aunty Jellysun was not so subtly paying attention to what was, no doubt, some juicy high school gossip. "She's Shining Armor's sister."
Cadance giggled eagerly. "Ooh! Did you hit it off that well with him during your 'game night'? You're already in cohorts with his little sister to find out—"
"I'm not trying to get a date with him," I denied, glaring at her.
Cadance pouted. "Aww, come on, Ish! Are you sure? You always get this flustered look whenever I mention one of your new friends~."
"I'm not flustered!" I argued back, crossing my forelegs over my chest. "You are reading into things."
"Oh, am I?" she grinned at me. "That looks like denial to me~."
"Fuck off, Cadance," I grumbled, blushing uncomfortably. It didn't help that my snatch decided now was a great time to become aroused—more aroused than I constantly was, anyway. Ugh. Fucking betray me, too, why don't you? I might be a demon and beyond the point of no return, but there were some things even I wouldn't touch. And that was definitely one of them. "I'm not into some stupid teenage colt, for fuck's sake. You know how problematic that is, right?"
"Oh, it's just some innocent crush," she rolled her eyes. "Give the guy a chance if you like him. Love doesn't wait for anypony; he might find somepony else, and before you know it, you'll regret never having asked him."
That was precisely what I hoped for. Despite wanting to tell her exactly that, I kept my muzzle shut. I would rather she deluded herself into thinking I might have an interest in the idiot than her getting any dumb ideas about asking him out herself. No fucking way would I let that happen.
"Now, Cadance, don't force Pleasure into something she isn't comfortable with," Aunty Sunbutt decided to come to my rescue and chided the pink nuisance. At least one pony was on my side here. "You may legally appear to be the age of a young mare and may decide for yourself whether you want to give dating a chance, but that doesn't have to mean Forbidden has to do so herself. I won't tell you what you are and what you aren't allowed to do, but I caution you if you do decide to find love among the students at your school.
"As you no doubt know, these ponies we are talking about aren't adults yet. They are inexperienced and impulsive and don't quite yet understand the weight a relationship of your status brings with itself. And while I firmly believe it is better to have loved than never at all, perhaps wait a few years until a pony your age catches your eye.
"And before you say anything, my precious bat, an immortal's curse is to always stay young. Perhaps think about that before rejecting the advances of a pony less experienced than you. A thousand years doesn't necessarily make you more mature than they are. You have much to learn about life and all its wonders. You might be surprised to find a peer among the ponies around you."
I snapped my muzzle shut, thinking about her words. She certainly had the wisdom to back up her age—and yet, when I looked back at my life, I felt like I hadn't gotten any older. Sure, I've felt the years pass by like any other person, but much of that time was spent living in the moment, never once looking back to avoid the waking nightmares assaulting my mind whenever I dared to stop and think about all the fucked up things that happened to me.
I avoided thinking about all the shit that went sideways in Hell as much as I could to not go utterly insane. The only thing on my mind was earning my freedom back, so I repressed everything else. Sure, I sinned more than I ever did on Earth for the simple purpose of having something to distract me from my depressing thoughts. But that didn't make me any wiser. I merely survived instead of living my life, fucked up beyond all repair as it was.
Hell was a place where you either did shitty, fucked up things to others, or you got stepped on and found something sharp and pointy in your back. That didn't necessarily lend itself to a great life experience. The only times I was allowed to be myself in a carefree manner were the times I got summoned and abused as a sex slave until I made myself a name as a literal sex goddess and got worshiped by a bunch of lunatics. Not that that stopped the former from happening all the time, anyway.
Still, I wouldn't go so far as to consider a fifteen-year-old teenager to be anywhere near close to my mental age. If we were going to put a number to my age in the context of mental age, I would go with twenty-seven at the very least. That was the age I died, and if we take the time spent in Hell as just that, it was the number I would stick with, which made pretending to be younger than I was still a hassle since there was a gap of twelve years between my alicorn appearance and my demonic pony form.
"So..." I hummed, giving Aunt Jellycelly a curious look. "Since we are already on the topic of romance, has there ever been a pony you were in love with?"
Cadance also turned to the bigger alicorn, an expectant and gleeful look in her eyes at getting to know our adopted aunt better. The nobles were still off in their own world, so Aunty Celestia sighed with a sad hum. "Yes," she admitted, a far-off gaze in her eyes.
I licked my lips, feeling the sudden urge to press her for more. "How old were you when you met him? Or her, I don't judge. Personally, I prefer getting railed like no tomorrow by a big, meaty cock, but I've had some of the best sex there is with another woman—or mare, rather. Then again, in my opinion, you haven't experienced the peak of sex until you get stuffed full of tentacles. Eh heh heh..."
"...do I want to know?" Auntlestia asked me while Cadance looked contemplative. For some reason, I felt like I just unleashed a monster by giving her that particular idea.
I hummed, pretending to think. "No, I don't think so," I said, making Cadance pout at getting denied the juicy details of my time getting fucked senseless by a tentacle monster. Good times, good times. "Anyway, back to the question. How old were you?"
"The first time I met him? I don't know. I didn't put much thought into how old he was; we were both old enough to make our own decisions," she answered, frowning.
"Huh," I hummed, surprised. "So you aren't full of shit, after all."
"Pleasure..."
"What?" I grinned, nudging her with a wing teasingly. "And here I thought you were a virgin~."
"I am not!" she denied, turning red in embarrassment.
"Right . When was the last time you got laid, huh?"
This time, I made her sputter as she shifted awkwardly on her cushion. Cadance snickered with mirth, barely able to keep in her laughter.
"I'll have you know I had a very active sex life!"
"Uh-huh. Had a sex life being the keyword here," I said with a smirk. "I bet—"
"That's enough, Pleasure," she grumbled, sealing my muzzle shut with her golden horn magic. I laughed silently to myself while Cadance couldn't stop herself from roaring loudly with laughter. The nobles, guards, and various observers turned to stare at us, and Aunt Celestia tried for the first time to appear smaller than she was. She wasn't doing a very good job at it. "C-Court dismissed!" she said, standing up. A moment later, she disappeared in a flash of light.
"You heard her! Day court is dismissed!" a guard called out, shooing the curious ponies out of the throne room while we basked in our merriment a bit longer.
Cadance nudged me, still grinning like she had the best time of her life. "That was mean!" she said, though there was nothing accusatory about her statement or tone.
"Yeah," I snickered. "I wish we had gotten her on camera; she looked hilarious!"
"The stammer was great!"
"I know! She's way too uptight; we really need to liven things up. Maybe then she'll pay more attention to Sunset."
"You just want Sunset to stop being so mean to us," Cadance snorted. I shrugged, neither denying nor confirming that claim. It would be great if we got along; Sunnybitch was a badass unicorn, all things considered. Instead of getting bullied and harassed by her, having a friendly rivalry with her would be pretty cool. It would certainly give me the incentive to push myself to improve my unicorn magic faster. Cady nudged me out of my thoughts as she hummed, asking, "Should we go look for Aunty?"
Ugh. Fuck. "Sure," I said, sighing. "Better get the shit show over with. I'm so grounded for this." If not getting outright banished forever.
Cadance rolled her eyes at my pessimistic outlook. Together, we left the throne room in search of the big white rainbow sun goose swan horse, hoping she wouldn't go supernova on us for teasing her. It was getting close to dinner time, so the first place we searched was the private dining room we usually used. The only ponies there were Blueblood and his equally narcissistic mother, who directed a subtle sneer my way. Yikes.
We excused ourselves, fleeing the scene before either of them could start drama over what happened in the throne room. We ran into Sunset on the way out, and I almost tripped as she fucking pulled my hind leg with her horn magic. A glance back told me everything I needed to know, as she had a smug smile on her stupid muzzle. What a fucking bitch.
We didn't find Aunt Sunbutt in her room, either, so we tried the library next, to no avail. The giant sun horse with a lance for a horn and swan wings attached to her shoulders was nowhere to be found in the entire castle. Heck, we even checked her School for Gifted Unicorns and didn't find her there. What we found, though, were a bunch of kids, so Cadance had the brilliant idea of entertaining them until it was time for their curfew, and they had to return to their dorms.
We quickly checked the castle grounds but had no more luck there than earlier in the day. Seeing that it was getting late and demons still needed their beauty sleep, I decided to head to bed. If Aunty Jellosun was mad to the point of hiding, I wouldn't drive myself crazy trying to find her. It wasn't like I was genuinely worried about getting kicked out or her hating me.
Cadance felt guilty once it became obvious that Aunty Sunnybum took it more personally than the innocent teasing it was meant to be. Weirdly enough, Auntia's door in the Dream Realm was gone all night. Either she pulled an all-nighter, or she suddenly learned how to dream walk and went missing in the Land of Slumber. The likelihood of the latter happening was nigh zero, which left us with a monarch on sleep deprivation the following morning, increasing the chance of her being in a sour mood tenfold.
Despite being sure I would get some kind of punishment, none of that happened the following morning at the breakfast table. Aunt Celestia wasn't grouchy; she wasn't butthurt; she wasn't even mad at me. Instead, she was positively glowing , going even so far as to have made pancakes. Pancakes!
Suffice it to say, Cadance and I were hella confused. Even Sunset was giving the big sun goose swan horse a weird look, no doubt having looked forward to us getting the tongue-lashing of a lifetime. Evidently, something must have happened last night to put our aunt in such a good mood, but for the life of me, I couldn't even begin to guess what that was.
She didn't get laid just to prove me wrong, did she? Which poor sap's bones did she break, suffocating them with her big horse butt? Because I doubted she could have found a pony of her size on such short notice. Heck, she was double our size (...at least, I believed so; I hadn't had the opportunity to measure our sizes yet). How did that even work? Ponies couldn't exactly do it cowgirl style (at least, as far as I was aware, I was always open to experimentation~). Did they use a stepladder, or what?
"Aunty..?" I asked cautiously. Auntlestia hummed, happily savoring the taste of sugary sin. I gave the pancakes on my plate an uncomfortable look, feeling like I didn't deserve them. I wasn't feeling guilty or anything, but after spending a night thinking the worst, being rewarded with our aunt's cooking worried me. Like it was my last meal forever.
Any moment now, the sun princess would banish me to Hell, and I would get to spend an eternity serving as Lilith's pet dogs' chew toy as they set my ass on fire, raping my defenseless body. No matter what my snatch might say, the thought didn't arouse me one bit. Hellhounds were worse than imps on a scale of 'fuck, that hurts like a bitch.'
No, I did not have 'those' kinds of fantasies. Fuck off.
"Is something the matter?" Aunt Tia asked, and I blinked as she gave us a confused look in turn. "The pancakes aren't cold already, are they?"
"What..? No, I..." I mumbled, exchanging a look with Cadance. "I just... didn't expect you to be in such a good mood. Aren't you mad at us?"
Aunty Sunnybum scrunched up her muzzle, confused. "No?" she said, sounding more like she was asking us a question. "Why would I be?"
"Because of the teasing?" I mentioned rhetorically. Cadance wrung her hooves nervously in her seat next to me, ears wilting in apprehension.
Our aunt let out a tiny laugh, amused at our worry. "Oh, Pleasure. I have a considerably thicker hide than to let a bit of teasing get to me. I wouldn't read the newspaper every day if I didn't."
"So, you're not mad that I laughed at you in court?" Cadance asked, relieved. "You aren't going to punish us?"
"No. Goodness gracious, what gave you that idea?" Aunt Sunnybum asked us, perplexed. "Do you really take me for that kind of pony to hold a grudge over something so insignificant?"
I looked over at Sunset's seething glare and rubbed my neck. "To be honest, I fully expected you to banish us..." I knew at least one pony would have been happy if that had happened.
"What?" Aunt Celestia exclaimed. "Pleasure! I wouldn't... banish you. Not for having a bit of fun at my expense."
I raised a brow, curious at the pause and her outright avoiding denying the possibility of it ever happening. "So... not even a slap on the wrist? Or fetlock, I mean."
"No!" she said, horrified. "I'd never get physical with you! Do you really have such little faith in me?"
Well... considering the first reaction you had when we met was you glaring at me with the fury of the sun, I expected a bit more than pancakes . Like... a grudge was the bare minimum, to be honest. But I wasn't one to look a gift (sun) horse in the mouth. I got an idea and smirked, feeling a bit mischievous. "I guess that means no spanking, either~?"
There was a choking sound as Blueblood tried his best to confuse the wrong pipe for his esophagus. Sunset also gave me a stunned look before it quickly turned to disgust. Meanwhile, Cadance blushed, clearly aroused. She had a suspiciously perverted gleam in her eyes, and I was uncertain if she had a kink for that or if she wanted to see me get spanked.
Aunty Celestia blinked, caught off-guard. She raised a brow, and I couldn't help but admit that she pulled the look off like a pro. "Do you want me to spank you?"
I couldn't help but moan whorishly. "Oh, yes , please!" I said, biting my lip. "Hit me as hard as you can, Aunty~." The come-hither look I gave the big mare made Cadance laugh again.
Aunty Celestia shook her head, smiling ever so slightly in amusement. Sunset didn't think it was quite as funny as she stormed out of the dining room with an angry huff. I couldn't say that I blamed her; I did just flirt with my aunt in an incredibly dirty way at the breakfast table (you know... I think I genuinely liked considering her my aunt, even though we weren't related to each other).
Aunt Tia deflated a little as her unofficial surrogate daughter left, and I grumbled as the good mood was instantly ruined by the amber unicorn being an uptight cunt (no surprises there). Our aunt hummed sadly. "It would be for the best if you could refrain from making comments like that around her, Pleasure."
Blueblood let out a sort of squeaky huff. "Just around her? I almost died!" he complained, and I snorted. What a pussy.
"Right," I sneered at the narcissistic asshat. "I'm sorry, Bluey. I promise I won't make any lewd comments around Sunset anymore."
"Why, I never!"
"Suck a dick, ass."
"A-Aunty!" Blueblood cried, growing red in the face. "I demand you remove this uncouth hooligan from our presence at once! She clearly does not intend to display manners befitting a pony of her station! She cannot be taught to be a civilized pony!"
Aunt Celestia sighed. "Blueblood, not everypony has the will to act high class all the time in private, nor do I demand it of her. She's free to behave how she wants among family."
"You are just letting her get away with acting like a—like a degenerate pony despite her being allegedly related to you?! We should have her blood relation tested!"
"Like you are allegedly related to Platinum?" I asked rhetorically, only for him to grow more furious. I felt Cadance nudge me, and I rolled my eyes. Ugh. Fine! I'll stop being a jerk to him... for a little while, at least.
Unfortunately for Blueblood, he didn't have an annoying angel sitting on his shoulder telling him when to stop. "And she's insulting you, Aunty! She should be in the dungeons instead of getting treated better than her kind deserves!"
Wow. Actual fucking wow. I was sure he was about to pop a blood vessel any second now. Holy shit.
"I doubt my niece is trying to insult me, Nephew," Aunt Celestia said, shaking her head in her typical disappointed fashion. At least, I assumed that was what it was, though he deserved far worse, in my opinion. Even Cadance was giving him an offended look on my behalf. Oh, he definitely was going to have some pretty terrible nightmares tonight. "And for that matter, I don't appreciate you talking about her in such a horrid way. I don't endorse this kind of tribalism underneath my roof. Have I made myself clear?"
Blueblood looked like he swallowed a sour lemon. "Yes, Aunty."
"That is Princess Celestia to you. Your relation to me is purely political in nature to honor your ancestor, not because you are of my blood," she scowled, and the cowardly stallion gulped.
"Yes, Princess Celestia..."
"Good," she said. Aunty Tia gave me an apologetic look before her steely eyes hardened on Blueballs again. "You have to understand that Pleasure has a very unique way of showing her affection. I admit that she can be rather crass with her choice of words, but I must say, I find it rather refreshing. Perhaps try to keep an open mind around her, will you?"
Blueblood merely raised his muzzle with a pompous 'Hmph.' He really got a stick shoved so far up his rump that he couldn't even relax a little bit. God forbid he ever saw a commoner he found attractive. All Hell would break loose.
Ah, who was I kidding? The idiot was unable to love anyone else aside from himself. Hell would freeze over if he ever managed to not be an uptight cunt to the average pony. I pitied whoever tried to woo him.
"You know, it would do you some good to loosen up that tight ass of yours, or somepony will take their resentment out on you," I said with a sneer. Of course, the pompous jerk gave me an offended look again. I cut off his response by pointing a hoof at him, making an 'Ah ah ah!' sound. "Don't even start with me. I'm not threatening you; I'm merely pointing out the inevitable. And when that happens, for your sake, I hope it will only be your self-absorbed ego that takes a beating."
"A-Aunty!"
Aunt Celestia shook her head, glaring at him. "No. You will listen to her, or I will personally make sure you learn that lesson the hard way. You are on thin ice, Blueblood. Do not disappoint me again."
"But I—"
"No arguing," she warned him. "I meant it. I will not hear you speak about her like that ever again. Nor do I want to hear you say tribalist poison about anypony else. We are long past the days of Equestria's unification; you should know better."
Blueglue glanced at me before a look of realization entered his eyes. "Oh, I understand now. Miss Shimmer was right, after all. Ever since those two peasants came to live here, you have been taking their sides and listened to filthy, poor beggars in court over reasonable arguments by those concerned about where this fine nation is headed. You are conspiring against the nobility, aren't you? Well, I won't stand for it! Goodbye, Princess . I will spend my time around those who can truly appreciate good manners and breeding! I hope you won't realize too late that the common riffraff is using you."
We watched the high-and-mighty, snooty unicorn leave with an arrogant flourish of his mane and his muzzle straight up into the air. I doubted he could see where he was going. Cadance and I shared a look, unable to believe what had just happened. The guy wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but I had to give it to him; that was stupid even by his standards. Saying those words straight to Aunt Celestia's face was either incredibly bold or downright idiotic.
Aunty Sunnybum wasn't a yes-mare for the nobility to do whatever they wanted. Neither did she take the side of every 'poor' pony that came to her seeking help. Granted, she always tried to find a suitable solution to help out in a pinch, but she wasn't giving out handouts for greedy assholes. From what I had seen of her so far, she gave most ponies who needed it advice on how to avoid falling into debt. And those that tried taking advantage of her were usually the nobles or those under the thumb of the nobles. Or would it be hoof?
Sure, Aunty Cellybutt regularly donated to charities, but that money came out of her pocket. Aside from that, the Grand Galloping Gala was specifically held to back charities and whatnot. Taxpayer money wasn't wasted willy-nilly on ponies that had the means to provide for themselves. Nopony had to do something they were deeply unhappy with—she was that nice—yet her benevolence was limited. She did not reward selfishness. Anyone who tried to rip her off would quickly discover she was at least ten steps ahead of them. She always found a way to make them give back more to society than they gained in the first place. There was a reason she only gave out loans to business owners and such.
I had massive respect for the big sun goose swan horse. She built up this nation and kept it safe from harm for over a thousand years, never once asking for more than a smile in return. She kept true to her ideals all this time and did it on her own . If that alone didn't speak volumes of her character, then I had no idea what could.
I was used to petty bitches trying to curry favor with the Demon Queen of Lust, but this was on a wholly different level of elitism. To demand to be treated better by the nation's ruler because of 'superior' breeding was ridiculous. And to go so far as to accuse her of purposefully ruining the nation because she wasn't playing favorites with the nobility... I honestly had no words to describe how utterly entitled that behavior was.
I could understand Sunset being jealous of us for taking away her surrogate mother's sole attention, but Bluejerk was just a petty, self-entitled snob who thought the world owed him everything when it did not. Aunt Celestia had the well-being of everypony on her mind, not just a few influential ones. To hold that against her made him no better than the lowest of the low in Hell. To hold her having a heart against her showed how rotten his truly was.
Aunty Cellyjelly silently ate her pancakes, her face unreadable as she showed no emotional reaction at all to what had just happened. I looked down at the ones on my plate and frowned at the happy smiley face on them. So much for her being in a good mood despite yesterday's 'incident.'
Fuck. I hated this stupid drama, seriously. This wasn't the friggin' kindergarten; act your goddamn age. I've lived countless lifetimes in Hell, and let me tell you, that kind of behavior was the sole reason I hated dealing with other people so much. There was no shortage of selfish jerks in Hell.
Maybe I should take my own advice to heart, but I had a good excuse for not doing so. I was a motherfucking demon; of course, I was a hypocrite. I was going to act on my grudges whenever I wanted. The only difference between everyone else and me was that I was right . I was the one that gave others their just dessert for being an asshole to those around them.
I growled silently to myself, smeared the whipped cream and fruits on the pancakes into an unrecognizable mess, and dug in. Fuck feeling uncomfortable. I was a demon; I didn't do guilt.
All thoughts about finding out who Aunty Jellysun shared her bed with were forgotten as I got ready for another day full of bullshit. The drama would never end, would it?
Chapter 011 - And the drama never ends.
Being a princess sometimes came with more attention than you were comfortable with, especially when attending a public school that couldn't be more similar to an American high school (minus the school shootings, I suppose). Cue all the rumors running amok among the student body and the staff members.
Cadance had it worse than I did due to her popularity as the prettiest girl in the whole damn country. That, and she was polite to a fault while I was known as the grumpy bat girl. You try walking around with a smile on your muzzle while everyone else takes one look at your fangs and almost pisses themselves in front of you; I dare you. If I didn't have a horn on my noggin,' I was sure I would have already ended up as the punching bag of some braindead oaf. So far, only Sunset had the guts to get outright physical with me, which had nothing to do with my batpony features.
That didn't mean I didn't get any jeers and rude gestures behind my back (or to my face whenever Cadance wasn't there to see it). Who would have guessed that the rumors already painted me as the devil who disrupted yesterday's court session while Cadance was the innocent girl tricked into laughing at her poor, innocent aunt? It came as a huge surprise. Not.
I didn't let the narrative of the rumor mill get to me while Cadance was swarmed with affection, and I had to deal with the dirty looks of everypony and their fucking pets. The atmosphere on the walk to school was awkward as Hell and downright unpleasant in the hallways. Even in the classrooms, it was hard to ignore everyone staring at me as if I had just committed the worst crime in Equestria's history.
The peak of absurdity was reached during lunchtime, though. Cadance was hanging out with Cheerilee and Mayor Mare, while Buck Withers didn't get the hint that the pink alicorn wanted nothing to do with him, and I had the misfortune of being tripped again on my way past their table with my lunch tray.
I wasn't carrying much on it besides a simple bowl of mixed fruit and some yogurt. What wasn't simple was the direction my delicious snack was headed toward. And my face.
The laughter around the cafeteria as I faceplanted into the resulting mess on the floor made me seethe with anger, and the smell of sulfur got slightly more potent. I turned my head to the ponies who just passed me and sneered. Fucking Dumb and Dumber. Of fucking course.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Eight Bit asked as he hurried to my side. He hesitated at touching my shoulder, worried I would slap it away as I growled. Not a moment later, Cadance was also at my side, a couple of tissues in her grasp.
"I'm fine, I—" I began and squirmed as my best friend forwent giving me the single-use paper towels, cleaning me up herself instead. "Cady! I can do this myself, for fuck's sake!"
The unmistakable smell of ozone joined the foul odor of rotting eggs as she frowned at me. "Shut it, Ish. Let me look at you! You're bleeding."
"Cady—" I tried again, only for her to shut me up with a glare. I could see the glow in her eyes; if she wasn't careful, she would lose her grasp on her visage. I blushed uncomfortably as I let out a whine. "Please! You're embarrassing me..."
Cadance stopped as she took a look at the onlookers around us. I heard her growl to herself as she threw her wings open in anger. "Do you ponies find this funny?!" she shrieked. Her wings gave a few, slow flaps, and lightning crackled over her feathers, making me wilt at the potent show of magic. Usually, lightning meant I was about to get smited by an angel prick, but next to her, I felt... safe. How novel. "Is this how you treat one of your princesses?! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!"
My heart gave a nervous beat as a subtle holy aura surrounded her, and her visage started to unravel. Some of the feathers on her right wing looked blurry up close, and her horn was slightly see-through as the light pushed past the semi-real object.
"Pleasure did nothing to earn your ire! She—" Cadance continued, but this time, it was her turn to get interrupted.
"Can stand up for herself," I told the pink nephilim before she could ruin her life by revealing her true nature to the whole world. My friend gave me a scowl, and I gave her a meaningful, pointed look toward her wings. Thankfully, she got the hint, looking scared of herself as she almost lost control of herself. She at least had the fortune of not hurting anyone with the casual show of creating lightning from nothing. Things could have gone a lot worse had I not intervened.
"Pleasure..." she whispered, ears folding back against her head. "I... I can't just stand by while you get bullied like this. It's not fair!"
I smirked, standing taller in defiance of those who sought to push me down. Fuck them, they would never push me down and make me give up. I survived Hell; what could they do to me? "Trust me, Cadance, they're not worth the anger. Let them play with fire if they truly wish to do that. I'm not the one committing treason by assaulting one of their princesses. You know they're just a bunch of immature foals that will get nowhere in life, right? None of these pathetic,"—I glanced around at everypony with a hard stare, making some of them gulp anxiously—" stupid idiots "—I stomped my hooves, causing a slight tremor and more than a few to flinch—" is going to amount to anything because they can't find a fucking job when nopony wants to talk with them for offending the wrong pony. Let it be said I've got a perfect memory; I will remember each and every one of you. So, do your worst to bully me; I can hold a grudge for a very long time. "
The whole cafeteria was quiet to the point where you could have heard a pin drop, and Eight Bit looked at me in awe. I brushed past him as I kicked the plastic tray away with a bit too much force, making it clatter noisily against one of the tables, startling the group of ponies sitting there. I couldn't care less about what they thought was important. In a few years, their stupid school drama wouldn't matter anymore, and they would go their separate ways. No one would give a fuck aside from the failures clinging on to the only time they had something 'good' going on for them.
And I was going to sit on a throne deciding the fate of millions, free of my torment in Hell. Heaven would have no choice but to look at Equestria with envy, and no demon would be able to take what is mine. I would become the princess all batponies could look up to with pride, and I would do it next to Cadance and Aunty Celestia. They were my family now, not that soulless bitch Lilith and my so-called sisters. She might have changed my face forever, perverted my soul with her taint, but this world... this new pony visage... I could finally build something worthwhile without worrying about my sisters or Lilith ruining it. I didn't need anyone's approval to make this world my home. I was tired of living my life one day at a time, merely surviving instead of thriving . No amount of bullying would ever change that.
Speaking of the pink nuisance, Cady followed me out of the shit show that happened back in the cafeteria. She insisted that I visit the infirmary even though the scratches from the broken bowl had long since healed. I was sure she just wanted to ensure I wouldn't skip classes, and no amount of arguing otherwise could convince her I wasn't about to head home early. Not that she was wrong to assume that; I had little patience left to deal with the last couple of school periods.
"Are you okay?" Cadance asked me as I cleaned myself up properly with a wet towel the school nurse gave me.
"Yeah," I said nonchalantly, though it did nothing to reassure my pink worrywart of a friend.
Cady looked at me sadly, feeling pity for me. "We should take this up with the principal; make sure it won't happen again."
I snorted. "You seriously think that will help?" I asked rhetorically, amused. "No, Cady. They will just retaliate even worse if they get into trouble. And what about all the other students? Are you going to go after them for laughing?"
Cadance frowned, and I sighed. I stepped closer to her and held out a foreleg, offering her an awkward hug. The pink girl made a frustrated noise as she leaned her head against mine. I tried turning my head away in embarrassment, only for her to hug me tighter. "I don't want you to be treated like this. It's disgusting and reprehensible. I have no idea how you can stand it; it makes me so angry ."
I smirked. "Hey, now. This? It's foal's play compared to what I had to endure down there. The worst I have to deal with here is some idiot tripping me. The jeers and jabs at my race aren't even that horrible, all things considered. There were far worse things that happened to me, you-know-where ," I told her.
Despite me hoping it would cheer her up, she ended up looking even more depressed than before. "All the more reason for you to be treated better than dirt," she grumbled. Her hoof gently touched a wing of mine, and I held my breath for a moment. Uhm... W-what was she doing? Her hoof traced the edge of my limb before gently caressing the claw on my wing finger. "You're so beautiful; I don't understand how nopony can see that."
I tried not to blush but failed miserably at that. My snatch flared with arousal at the sensual touch. "Y-you'd be the only one thinking a de—batpony could be beautiful," I muttered, trying to avoid smelling the scent of her mane. Lavender and roses with a hint of honey masked the subtle smell of angel and sin. She really was Love Incarnate. I almost got weak and touched her in a way unbefitting of a friend, myself. I wondered what it would be like to kiss those perfect lips of hers. I wanted to do all kinds of naughty things with her that would undoubtedly make her hate me. It would be so easy, too. Just a kiss and she would do whatever I asked of her... "I'm a monster..."
Cadance poked me sharply, a miffed look in her eyes. "You need to learn to take a compliment, Ish," she scolded me while I rubbed my sore side with an irritated glare. Right. What was I thinking? She was an annoying pest; why would I want to be together with her? "You are beautiful. I can see why Shining Armor and Eight Bit would be so enamored with you. Past the rough and grumpy behavior, there is a wonderful mare in there who hasn't lost her smile after everything she went through. She's loyal and kind—stunning , really—and she stands up for her ideals, no matter what. I'm glad to be your... your best friend." She almost seemed to wilt as she said that.
I... fuck. I dearly hoped she would never see the monster hiding underneath my pony appearance. The burning eyes and sharp teeth were nothing compared to the wicked, sharp claws and whip-like tail. Or the charred, sunburned skin flaking away in multiple places. She might have seen my life on the memory screens and what Hell and Lilith did to me, but she had never been on the receiving end of my... ugliness . I wasn't hideous, but far from the beauty standards I loathed growing up with.
A succubus had many 'great' assets to seduce any male into having sex with her, but compared to my sisters, I wasn't anything 'noteworthy.' My tits were the correct shape to not sag like a pair of overripe melons, and my ass was great for grabbing onto each of my cheeks, but the other Lilin had me beat in the size category on both. Not that I would have traded with them if it meant lugging around a couple of extra heavy weights with only a pair of small bat wings acting as a counterbalance. Sharing a face was bad enough, I didn't want to share that with my sisters as well.
Despite my four hooves now, walking around on two legs with no feet wasn't exactly easy. The less weight I had to put on my cloven hooves, the less I stumbled around like a clumsy fool. That certainly hadn't made me feel any more adequate compared to the bitches swinging around their assets like giant wrecking balls, though.
Call me whatever you want, but 'stunning' was not my first thought when I pictured myself (before and after Lilith altered me, that is). And even here in magic pony land, I was far from the ideal beauty standards of would-be supermodels like Fleur or Cadance. Ponies liked a bright coat, long mane, narrow waist, and tall legs. Not what I had going on for myself with my wild mane, dark red fur color, and fat ass.
Okay, I might be slightly exaggerating with my flanks, but the point was still the same. I didn't have a figure anypony would choose over Cadance's. I wasn't jealous or anything; she pulled off the jailbait—I mean, supermodel —figure really well, but holy shit, it annoyed the fuck out of me when some horny guy stared at her with a growing problem between their legs. And there were a lot of those around here, seriously.
I wasn't kidding when I said Shining Armor needed to get a grip on himself; he was the worst horny kid around here. That he hasn't gotten himself into trouble for sexual harassment yet was a miracle, to be honest. There were no public indecency laws in Equestria for apparent reasons, but running around with an erection was still highly frowned upon in places where foals could see you.
That Shining Armor also got a stiff bone around me was less due to the fact he thought I was hot and more due to the fact I got girl parts. That and my tail still had a mind of its own, giving anyone who cared to take a peek a look at my perpetually wet snatch.
As I said, a succubus had many great assets to seduce anyone into having sex with her, and that also meant a permanently aroused vulva. It certainly made catching prey easier, but it didn't give me that innocent girl-next-door vibe many ponies preferred around here.
Suffice it to say, I got called a slut and whore more than I cared to count. I had nothing against being viewed as such (I have lived like one ever since I was forced into the business by the wrong kind of people), but when ponies generalized it as a trait of my pony tribe, it left a bitter taste in my mouth.
So, long story short, I thought Cadance was nuts for thinking I was beautiful. There was no way I could ever compare to her soft, alluring features, vibrant mane colors, slender figure, and gorgeous eyes framed by perfectly applied makeup. Even with just the eyeliner, she looked way better than I ever did.
She was the prettiest mare in Equestria. Prettier than even our aunt, and that was saying a lot. Nopony could hold a candle to Cadance in my eyes.
The school bell rang before I could tell her as much, and we had to go our separate ways for our following classes. I had a double period of computer sciences while she had home-ec. I would have loved to attend that one instead, but the class roster was full by the time Cadance and I entered school. She was the last one to get a spot, and I didn't feel like being a bitch about it when she loved baking and cooking so much.
This left me with the nerdy option of spending my time wasting away in this elective, trying to understand why my shit wasn't working how I expected it to work. No amount of perfect memory could help me deal with writing code I only partially understood.
I would never become a software developer, anyway. Despite my dislike for drama and politics, I had a significant advantage over most ponies in court. I could sense their dishonesty as easily as any other emotion. There was little any mortal could try that I wouldn't immediately be able to recognize as bullshit.
Cadance caught back up to me once school was over, and I already dreaded the next hour and a half being tutored by Arcane Sigil. He wasn't very pleased about what happened at court the day before, either, but he was professional enough not to give us a hard time. Well, not much harder than he already was on us (and not in a fun, naughty way).
My struggle to cast magic through my unicorn horn frustrated not only me to no end. Arcane Sigil even went so far as to measure my magic output with a strange machine in the hopes of finding out what I was doing wrong, but the damn thing just exploded with an overload of magical energy, clearly not made for the strength of an alicorn (or demon goddess, whatever). My horn ached fiercely after the stupid test, thankfully excusing me from practicing any more unicorn magic for that day.
That didn't mean I could do whatever I wanted, though. I still had many other things to prove my understanding of, chief among them my understanding of Equestrian law. Alas, being practically made to be a living bullshit detector and figuring out which law meant what were two different pairs of horseshoes. I powered through, though. The sooner I learned this shit, the easier my time was going to become once Cadance and I had to act like proper princesses on Aunty Celestia's throne.
Speaking of our aunt, court that day was less pleasant than we were used to. The nobles didn't play around when they felt like they had been offended, making the two hours we spent sitting next to Aunty Sunnybum drag on as if they were twenty instead. The big sun goose swan horse didn't even chat with us whenever there was a pause in the proceedings, her posture tense and rigid as she focused entirely on work. I couldn't blame her after what happened, and she spent all day running damage control before we joined her.
There were more than a few mirroring Blueball's sentiment about our aunt playing favorites with the commoners, albeit in a subtler fashion than the pompous unicorn prince. It was undoubtedly an attempt to establish power over Aunt Celestia's authority as a princess and undermine ours. We were forced to defend ourselves instead of Aunt Jellysun giving them an ultimatum, but I think they got the message either way. Auntlestia wouldn't tolerate disrespect toward her or us from the nobility.
They quickly learned that I wasn't the pushover they thought I was. I could work my tongue in other ways than pleasing a pony's genitals. My sharp wit left the majority with unhappy frowns as they couldn't find a crack in my defense, nor could they complain about my lack of dignified responses, showing them no weakness whatsoever. They might have been fooled into thinking I was a country bumpkin, but I wasn't the same girl who stammered at her coronation due to the unexpected surprise of hearing the royal title my aunt chose for me.
No. I was a demon who survived centuries in the Court of Sin and Debauchery with the Queen of All Demons as my so-called 'mother.' I was the Lilin Ishtar who ensnared countless mortal minds with sweet, whispered words of pure, utter bliss. I knew how to manipulate ponies better than any of them could ever hope to dream of. All they accomplished was making a fool of themselves among their peers, unable to best a 'teenager' in their own game. I was ruthless .
Suffice it to say, I made a lot more enemies that day in court. Granted, they wouldn't try to assassinate me, but they sure as Hell could make my life difficult in the future. Still, it was well worth it, in my opinion. They were the ones playing with fire, just like the idiots in school. Unlike them, I played the long game, though. What was immediate gratification in the face of the satisfaction of reaping all my rewards later down the line? A paltry comparison.
I earned my freedom, and now I wanted respect. Respect for me, my fellow princesses, and every other batpony out there looking up to me for direction. I would turn their world upside down and give everypony the equality they deserved. The days of unicorn supremacy were over. Each pony race deserved to be heard by the crown, regardless of social standing or wealth.
They would never know what hit them until it was too late. Slowly but surely, they would find that their power was slipping right through their hooves, and they would have to share it with earthponies, pegasi, and the 'dreaded' batponies. All it would take were a few well-placed words here and there, and the House of Commons would have as much power as the House of Nobles.
Never mess with a demon. We could hold a grudge for longer than you could live. Bring it on, bitches.
Chapter 012 - Life is a mess.
The day at court was over before long, and the nobles were none the wiser about my plans to upend their little power structure and notions of grandeur. They could play their game of one-upping each other and intimidating those they thought beneath themselves; I had my mind set on far more worthwhile goals.
Dinner was a relatively quiet affair since the somber mood and stress of court drama drained the energy right out of us. Sunset was absent from the dinner table, probably lurking around the library's forbidden section. I bet she was planning her evil takeover of Equestria as its sole princess to get Aunt Jellycelly to admit she was her mother (or something along those lines, anyway).
Cadance and I grabbed a couple of relevant books for our self-studying and hung out in her suite until it was time to go to bed. I had no problem giving Shining Armor nightmares about Cadance frying his brain with lightning for daring to ask her out without the pink nephilim noticing a thing. That was the fun part about being better at dreamwalking than her: I only needed to touch a dreamer's door to turn their mind against them with the worst kind of fears they already harbored.
It was even easier since I had been tormenting the poor guy with visions of rejection from his 'one true love' (as if). He had it coming for him, seriously. He was the one still making dreamy faces at lunch (and everywhere else, for that matter). The idiot colt couldn't get more pathetic clinging on to his fantasies like that. If he kept this up, he would still pine after her well into his fifties.
Damn the shitty aftertaste in my mouth, though. I was starting to feel bad for him. I had to admit, though, he was a nice guy under the nerdy façade and the fucking horniness. If I hadn't known any better, I would have even gone so far as to say that he was good relationship material, but the point still stood: he was a mortal. Cadance and I were not. And that wasn't even taking his age into account. He was a bit too immature, just like the rest of the nerd gang.
It was not going to work out the way he thought it would. For one thing, I was not into submissive stallions; I liked fighting for dominance and getting dicked down by someone stronger than me. Don't get me wrong, I also liked putting a stallion in their place, but I didn't enjoy having them give up without so much as putting up a fight. Same thing for other mares; it was just no fun if you always won. A bit of competition made things spicier .
Maybe if he followed through with his dream of becoming a royal guardin a few years. But until then, he had some growing up to do, and I would prefer it if he didn't do it thinking he had a pair of princesses waiting for him.
Let's be honest: Shining Armor, Eight Bit, Gaffer, and Poindexter were lost causes. They were wimps, one more insecure than the other. So, tough luck finding a mare willing to put up with them. Sucked to be them, didn't it? I wouldn't pity any of them; that wasn't my kind of schtick. Whiny incels were fucking cringe .
Wednesday and Thursday passed by relatively quiet compared to the shitty start to the week. Coffee Pot gave us a research assignment into Germaneigh's culture. I decided to look into all the different dialects they spoke over there (there were a fuck ton of those), impressing him with my dedication alone. I ignored the grumbles of 'Teacher's pet' I got for that and just focused on doing my best to get full marks. What did I care if everyone else thought I was trying to curry favor with the balding, Bavaria-obsessed guy? Cadance and I had the ridiculous expectation placed on us to be perfect in every subject. Any less, and Arcane Sigil would give us extra work after school. Meaning that we would have to sacrifice our free time during the weekends if we performed to subpar standards. 'Good enough' wasn't good enough for our tutor.
Yes, it was unfair, but that was what I got for accepting my place as a princess. Ponies were going to rely on us, and that meant not slacking off while we still had the time to make mistakes from time to time. So, I kept the complaints to myself and did the extra work like the good girl I was supposed to be now (I couldn't help but snort at that thought—me and 'good girl' was such a novel thought it should have sounded utterly ridiculous, but... I kinda liked the idea).
Anyway, on Friday, we continued our game night from last week, and Twilight joined us down in the basement again. I was less enthusiastic about playing Ogres and Oubliettes, though. However, it wasn't half bad once we joined forces and thwarted Obsidian's plans to destroy the world and whatnot. Eight Bit was right; it was much more fun as long as everyone was involved simultaneously.
I mainly stuck around the following weeks because Twilight had a great time playing pretend. Her dream of becoming a mage wasn't just a fancy of our roleplaying game, though. She wanted to become this generation's Starswirl the Bearded (hence the similar appearance of her Ogres and Oubliettes character; the cape and pointy hat were his signature garbs).
I thought it was adorable and admirable of her to have such an ambitious dream. No wonder she was so studious; being accepted to take the entrance exam at Aunty's school required a lot of knowledge. Not only would the exam require theoretical knowledge but also an understanding of the practical application of unicorn magic. It wasn't simply done by answering a few questions on a sheet of paper; the examiners specifically tested the applicant's ability to keep a cool head under duress.
Obviously, I gave Twilight all the tips I could give her. The practical examination depended on the measured magical strength of the pony taking the entrance exam. Below a certain point, it was practically impossible to complete the basic test of making a flower bloom, but that wasn't the point of testing the applicant. Very few even knew how to cast such a spell—let alone cast it at that age—it was a test of whether or not the potential student would panic and try random magic or ask for help and instructions on how to achieve their goal.
The real test was seeing if the student was too prideful to admit they needed help, not if they could complete the task. It was a question of whether the student knew their limits and wasn't too shy to approach their future teachers to explain the spell they wanted to learn. It was also a lesson about the willingness to learn and the restraint to not immediately try casting something they didn't fully comprehend. A pony who didn't ask questions and forwent research to cast a spell they didn't know and/or understood was in the wrong place at Auntlestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. The ponies they taught there would become researchers and mages of the arcane arts when they grew up. Those who failed to understand this basic concept weren't yet mature enough to attend a prestigious magic academy.
Then, there were the ponies who were able to cast the spell. Those would go on and get tested with a different test afterward. They were told to cast an accelerated growth spell on a dragon egg. It was basically impossible to hatch an unfertilized egg, much less a magic-resistant egg laid by a dragon. Unless you knew the advanced version of the spell that could spark the creation of life (and had a fuck ton of magic to spare), you wouldn't be able to hatch the egg. And that was fine; the lesson was still the same. I told Twilight not to try anything stupid on her own, and if she didn't know what to do, there was no shame in admitting she needed help.
Aside from that, Cadance and I hung out on the weekend and went to see our first movie in the theater. It was a romantic comedy that was decently entertaining; nothing really to write home about. It was a cliché storyline of a mare and stallion pretending to be a couple to their parents and friends, then ending up becoming a couple for real at the end of the movie. It had a few scenes where they kissed like a pair of awkward amateurs, which was funny to watch, but the kiss at the end made even me smile. They were cute, finally admitting they loved each other as the sun set over a glittering sea of water in the background before the credits rolled.
Cadance couldn't stop fawning over the romance part of the movie, while I was a little disappointed there were no naughty scenes whatsoever. But that was to be expected; the film was rated for ages twelve and above, not mature audiences. I had no doubt the couples watching the movie would enjoy some alone time later that night, though. There was only so much sexual tension you could ignore before wanting some action yourself (at least in my humble, naughty opinion~).
Speaking of sexual tension, I was going a bit stir-crazy, abstaining from sex for such a long time. Playing around with your own hoof could only satisfy you so much before you wanted someone to stuff their dick in you and fuck you senseless. Perhaps Aunt Celestia and Cadance had a point about giving one of my classmates a chance, but that meant dating , and dating meant asking somepony out. A big fucking no to that. Not to mention, I sure as fuck wouldn't give any of the guys I hung out with a chance. Aside from the unmistakable age gap I felt uncomfortable with, they weren't exactly my type.
Shining Armor had his idea of a perfect romance with a hot girl and getting lucky after a couple of dates (or just one; he wasn't fooling anypony). Which, considering he was majorly into my best friend, would end up with him hurting her feelings and me breaking his bones afterward. If I were to give him of all ponies a chance, I knew he would cheat on me sooner rather than later, and then Cadance would break his bones instead of me. So... a big fat no to that. If he grew out of his incel phase, though? Maybe, but probably not.
Eight Bit was a decent enough guy, though his interests didn't interest me at all. I wasn't into nerd culture, nor did I want to hear him go on endlessly about computer games and so on. I wasn't the kind of girl that pretended to be interested in the same shit he liked if I thought it was boring. And since he talked about nerdy things most of the time, I tended to zone out as soon as he brought up programming languages.
Gaffer was alright, but he was the romantic, chivalrous type. He was all into poetry and shit, while I liked having fun out on the town and reading smutty romance novels instead of adventure stories. I've got nothing against someone being all sweet and nice and romantic, but I had a problem with those wanting a serious relationship. I wasn't into binding myself to someone after what happened on Earth.
Poindexter... let's just say he wasn't my type and leave it at that. He was the nerdiest guy of them all and lacked a spine. That, and he was tiny. I didn't have high standards, but height was one of those things I at least expected to be on the same level as mine. Unless I was going for another mare. But since all mares I knew were either bitches or not serious about their flirting, I doubted it was going to happen.
Cadance might have seemed like the obvious choice, but I knew for a fact that she wasn't considering a relationship with me. Otherwise, she wouldn't try so hard to set me up with the nerd gang whenever she got the chance. That, and... well... serious relationships and all that crap. She was a major romantic, through and through. She got this idea of a big wedding, getting married to some Prince Charming or whatever, and having a kid or two. Nothing I really wanted to interfere with, to be honest. It sounded great, not going to lie, but it wasn't my kind of thing—not after what I had lost on Earth.
Once upon a time, I also dreamed of finding the perfect person to spend my life with. Then, reality fucked me over, and I stopped believing in the concept of true love. After I spent half an eternity in Hell, there was no way that I was going to have a serious relationship ever again—not while I was such a mess. I didn't need to burden anyone with my baggage and emotional trauma and shit. I didn't even want to entertain the possibility of hurting Cadance, much less screwing up our friendship by adding romance to it. I wasn't good (or healthy) relationship material, seriously.
Aunt Celestia... it felt weird imagining her being in a relationship with anyone, to be honest. As far as ponies my own age went, she would be the only one remotely close to my actual age, but compared to her, I still felt like a small child. I could care less about ponies thinking it would be forbidden love or whatever the fuck one wanted to call it. But even if (for some reason) she would give me a chance, I couldn't bring myself to view her in such a way.
I looked up to her, as weird as that thought sounded. She was like... actually my aunt in my eyes. I owed her my life here in Equestria. She gave me a home despite her initial reservations about being a demon. She even took me into her family and treated me like an actual person, completely in a platonic way. And unlike the angel pricks, her heart was in the right place. To defile that... well, I was a demon, but even I felt disgusted by the idea.
Even the thought of Twilight Velvet and Night Light made me feel uncomfortable when I thought of doing anything untoward with either of them. Perhaps my heart wasn't as black as I thought it was.
That still left me feeling like I wanted to have some fun, though. And the only ponies I could think of were maybe the recruits in the Night Guard. There were plenty within an acceptable age range, and I was sure none of them would mind a casual relationship of some harmless fun in the hay. But... not with me looking like I was still underage. There was no chance any of them would even look at me like that, just like I wouldn't look at a minor that way.
It was no wonder the other Lilin treated me like the odd one out. I still held onto my human morality wherever I could. More often than not, it ended up being a burden and a disadvantage, but it was the only thing keeping me from being like them . They were actual monsters that deserved to be in Hell, unlike me. It was a matter of principle, really. The angel pricks made the wrong call, and I ended up unjustly imprisoned in Hell. Proving to myself that I wasn't like all the other demons gave me the hope I needed to keep on going until I ended up here in Equestria. Without that determination, I would have long since become the monster my aunt would have been unable to dismiss.
Disappointing the expectations of my aunt honestly scared me. For once in my damn life, I had something good going on for myself. So, maybe trying to abstain from sex for three years wasn't so bad. It wasn't like I was a sex addict. I didn't need it to survive—not anymore, at least. It would be just for pleasure, nothing more. You know, the thing I was named after and was made the princess of? Yeah, that.
I wasn't doing a very good job of living up to my cutie mark as of late, was I? Not that I had it for very long yet. Despite that, I felt a deep connection to it that only ever matched my thirst for sex.
Would it really be so bad to indulge myself a little bit? I had ways to get a young stallion to throw caution to the wind. I could just... convince them it was okay. All it would take was one kiss, poisoning their judgment with my succubus charm, and then—
No. No, Ishtar. Stop. You're letting Cadance get into your head. Resist the temptation. I wasn't going to become weak now and seduce a thick, virile, juicy—
Ngh. I sighed, shaking my head. Stupid, sexy night guards. I needed a distraction, fast . Preferably one of the mind-numbing variety. Now, that was a thought I could get behind; I could indulge myself with another vice that wouldn't get me into quite as much trouble if I were to trick somepony into having sex with me. Not that I intended to get caught, either way.
I snuck out of my bedroom that night, being especially careful to make as little noise as possible with my hooves while creeping past Cadance's suite before making a break for it. My bat pegasus magic was surprisingly helpful in muffling the noisy sounds of my hooves clopping on the marble floor. I didn't think anyone saw me, but just to be sure, I obfuscated my path by taking as many twists and turns as I could. None of the guards paid any heed to my weird shenanigans, making me feel kind of awkward and disappointed, but I managed to slip into the city without a babysitter breathing down my neck. Hah! Take that, Lieutenant Shade Leaf! I was free! Success!
The nightlife of Canterlot City was definitely nothing to sneeze at. The clubs were blasting loud music, the mood was ripe with sexual tension, and the drinks at the bars were colorful in all the right ways. And the good part about it? Ponies were even dumber than humans, allowing me to easily slip in, clearly underage, and swipe a drink or two from inattentive idiots not keeping an eye on them.
I know, I know, it was incredibly dumb of me to go around stealing drinks from other ponies, not knowing what might be in them, but it was a risk worth taking to get some sweet, delicious alcohol. Besides, what was going to happen? We were in the damn capital, and I was a princess; anyone dumb enough to try something with me would end up regretting their choice immediately.
The drink I appropriated tasted slightly minty with a lemony aftertaste. It was cool and pleasantly refreshing as it passed over my tastebuds. The alcoholic burn in my throat made my tail twitch, and I eyed the other partygoers around me with an appreciative hum or two, smirking in self-satisfaction as I turned a couple of heads my way. I could definitely get used to sneaking out of the castle every once in a while...
"Hey! Aren't you a bit too young to be here?" a white unicorn stallion asked me, getting in my way as I tried to find a place to sit and soak in the atmosphere. There was so much sexually charged energy here... mhm~... I finally found my paradise.
I frowned at the guy who looked barely older than me, except for the height advantage—as insignificant as that was since Cadance and I were taller than the average pony our 'age.' "What's it to you?" I sneered, less than pleased at getting scrutinized by a pony that couldn't be much older than the legal age himself.
The guy barring my path to the club's lounge area raised a brow and gave my drink a pointed look with his light blue eyes. "I can forgive somepony pilfering my drink—heck, I get them for free here—but I'm not the kind of guy that's going to explain to Her Highness why her niece got smashed while clearly underage. So, why don't you give me that, and nopony has to go to jail tonight, huh?" he tried persuading me, and I snorted, amused. As if my aunt would throw some random guy in the dungeons for not paying attention to his drink.
"Look, no one's going to snitch, okay?" I told him, daring him to open his muzzle and contradict my claim. "Unless you want to tell Aunty I've been naughty~?"
I licked a fang, smiling gleefully as the pale white coat on his face turned even paler than it already was. The poor sod ran a hoof through his messy red mane, and I took notice of the golden piercing in his left ear. I might have to ask him where he got that done; I was down to get some piercings in my own ear.
"Okay, look," he started, wrestling with himself over whether or not he should let the argument go. "I won't say anything as long as nopony else does." I smiled in satisfaction, about to go my way when he held me back with a hoof. "But! That doesn't mean I'm letting you run around unsupervised, got it?" My frown returned in full force, almost dropping the beverage in my flimsy, magical hold, and I bit back the frustrated growl, trying to force itself out of my throat. How fucking annoying can one guy be?
"I can take care of myself," I told him, glaring balefully at his existence. He would learn not to mess with a succubus if he kept being an irritating pest.
The spiky redhead guy sighed, grumbling slightly to himself as he let go of my shoulder. "I don't doubt that, and honestly? I don't want to know what happens to the filth that would try anything with a princess, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of low lives around here that are dumb or desperate enough to lay their hooves on you. If you really want to hang out here without a word getting back to Her Highness, then you might as well stay somewhere safe while you're here. Come on."
I watched him motioning toward the cordoned-off area reserved for the high-value clientele of the Canterlot Lumen Club and wondered who he was. The bouncer let him pass without a glance, and I hesitantly followed him. I gave the burly earthpony stallion standing guard a cautious glance, but he let me go into the restricted part without immediately throwing me out of the club since I wasn't technically allowed to be there.
I caught up to my mysterious new friend, eying him from the side. His mane and tail were as wild as mine, though he clearly had less trouble straightening it out. He had a record plate with a music note on his bum, and since he wasn't paying attention to my wandering eyes, I chanced a peek at his sheath... or where one was supposed to be on a stallion, anyway. I blinked, confused at the lack of any stallion-y equipment, and blushed in embarrassment as soon as I heard him clear his throat.
"I, uh..." I said, trying to think of an excuse that wouldn't immediately offend him—or was it her?
"You're really not the typical kind of princess, are you?" he stated, sounding definitely male to my ears. "Come on, take a seat; I can see you have a thousand questions on your mind. Let's get the awkward part out of the way first."
I gulped, nervous, as I hopped into the booth. I was off to a great start, wasn't I? First, I got caught stealing the drink of some big-shot musician, and then I seemingly offended them(?) by trying to sneak a glimpse.
"I guess you haven't ever seen a trans guy wherever you came from, huh?" he (definitely he) asked me. I shook my head mutely. People kind of ended up turning into the type of demon that reflected their soul in Hell, so even if there were trans people there, it sure as Hell wasn't as obvious as it was here in magic pony land. I had been summoned to variants of Earth where women had dicks, but I just assumed that was a biological quirk. Kind of like me in my natural form now. "I guess introductions are in order, then. I'm Long Play, or Thirty-Three and a Third LP. The second one is my stage name... and judging by your look, you don't know anything about me, either." I shook my head and took a small sip from my drink. He gave me an amused glance. "Alright, just to be clear here, I prefer male pronouns, so don't even think about misgendering me, or you can forget about ever leaving the castle to sneak a drink or two again, got it?" I nodded, suddenly very afraid of the dark tone in his voice. Damn, he could be pretty scary when he wanted to be. He certainly earned my respect for that, at least. "As for you, all I know is that you come from somewhere near Vanhoover, and you're a bit of a rebel, aren't you?"
I snorted. "You only know the half of it."
Long Play, or Thirty-Three and a Third LP, whatever he preferred to call himself, gave me a chuckle. "Trust me, kid, I know the kind. I've had my rebellious streak, sneaking out to go to festivals and concerts while my parents slept."
"Huh," I hummed, only mildly surprised he would do something like that after berating me for sneaking into a club. "So..." I began, wondering how to breach the subject. "You're trans?" Or I could just be blunt. Great going there, mouth.
"Yeah," he said, nodding his head. A waitress came by to deliver him a new drink since I got his previous one, and he took a big gulp with a satisfied sigh. "Ask away, I won't bite as long as you don't bring up anything like my deadname."
"You mean like your name before..?" I prodded, and he frowned. Sheesh, alright, alright! "Got it. Uh... how did you know?"
"How do you know you're a mare?" LP questioned me back, challengingly. I blinked.
"I just do?" I said, uncertain. "I mean, I never really had any doubts about my body and stuff."
Not that that stopped me from experimenting with my shapeshifting powers. A succubus could take on any form or modification to their body, but unlike true shapeshifters, we always had a certain look we couldn't deviate from. I could look like a griffon if I wanted, but I would still have the same coloration, so there was no hiding my fiendishly slit, red eyes. I was rather lucky batponies were a thing here, or some demon hunter would have immediately been able to tell I was a demon with a single glance.
"'And stuff' sums it up pretty well," LP chuckled, grinning slightly to himself. "It's not any different for me. I knew my outside didn't match my inside since I was little. It took some serious convincing my parents that I wasn't their little girl and instead their son."
I looked down into the drink in front of me, scowling at the mention of parents. "How did they take it?"
LP grimaced. "My dad was confused, to put it mildly. Mom dragged me to a psychologist, scared shitless something was wrong with me. As I said, it took some convincing that I wasn't some crazy nutcase with delusions. The psychologist helped a lot in convincing them that being trans wasn't anything wrong. Some ponies just have the misfortune that their body developed in the opposite direction of how their brain developed as a fetus. Or that's the theory I like to go with, anyway. There are lots of explanations why somepony turns out to be trans."
"That actually makes sense," I said, glancing up at him. "Sort of like how two earthponies can give birth to a pegasus, right?"
LP nodded so-and-so. "Almost. Genetics do play a part in your tribe. I don't think anypony aside from those with Princess Celestia in their lineage can end up being an alicorn."
"Right..." I mumbled, not correcting him on that. "Can I ask you something a bit insensitive?"
LP rolled his hoof, motioning for me to continue. "Go on."
"Are you into stallions or..?" I asked, and he blinked, surprised.
"Huh," he hummed. "That wasn't what I expected you to ask."
"What? Did you think I would ask you if you had sex with what you're probably not comfortable touching?" I countered him, snorting in amusement as a teasing grin spread on my muzzle. "I'm not that savage," I lied. That totally was a question I was curious about, but I wasn't going to offend the guy who took me under his metaphorical wings to stay out of 'trouble.' Hah! As if.
"Just for your information, I don't have anything against my kind of plumbing," LP informed me, smirking at my surprised look. "I've got to admit, I didn't think the rumors were true, but you really have a dirty mind, don't you?"
"Bitch, I'm the princess of naughty thoughts," I proclaimed in a proud tone of voice. "I would gladly act on it, but I'm afraid my aunt would banish anypony touching me to the moon."
"Uh-huh," LP responded, giving me a nonplussed stare. "Exactly my reason why you shouldn't be walking around alone in a club full of half-drunken idiots."
"Oh, come on, don't get your tail in a twist. Like I'm going to let them," I scoffed, smiling sharply with my fangs. "Believe it or not, I've got standards." Small and tiny as they were, they weren't entirely nonexistent.
"Yeah, no, I'm not letting you get frisky with anypony and blame it on them. Your big brother LP is here to watch your back."
I bit my lip, unable to keep the mischievous comment to myself. "Oh, you just want me to yourself, is that it? Mhh, I bet you want to see me on my backside, legs stretched out invitingly~."
LP gave me a deadpan stare. "No."
I pouted. "Fine, you're no fun," I grumbled, faking a heartbroken sniffle (or at least trying to appear like I was). "I suppose I'll have to play with myself while thinking of you, step bro~."
"You really can't help yourself, can you?" he asked me. I merely smiled while taking a sip from my drink. "For your information, I am gay."
"Ooh!" I cooed, perking my ears at that juicy little detail. "Is that why you're fine with having a—"
"Princess, please," he sighed, rubbing his temple. Then, he muttered, "What have I signed myself up for with this little delinquent?" I raised my brow, and he cleared his throat. Hmph. He was lucky I liked him. "How I have sex with somepony is my business alone, okay? I'd appreciate it if you could respect that boundary."
"Fine, fine," I murmured. There was still one thing I wanted to rile him up with, though. "You know, I bet I could introduce you to some ponies in the Night Guard; there are some really handsome studs there that would pay to have you suck 'em off~."
LP blushed as his imagination no doubt ran away from him. "M-maybe another time," he muttered, squirming where he sat. I wouldn't be surprised if a wet patch was growing underneath him. "You really have got no shame, do you?"
I grinned like a shark. "Oh, sweet summer child of mine, I'm the goddess of lust and debauchery around these parts. I'm the literal definition of temptation and love-making."
"..." he sighed before commenting, "Fuck my ass, Equestria is doomed."
I laughed, holding my stomach as I almost fell out of my seat. Holy shit, the way he just said that was hilarious! The defeated tone, the thousand-yard stare, the way he slumped in on himself..! Hah! He was a blast to be around.
"Oh, worry not, big brother," I hummed happily. "I'll take good care of you~." I patted his shoulder affectionately, and he let his forehead fall onto the table in response.
Oh, yes. I would take very good care of you, indeed. Eh heh heh heh...
Thankfully, nopony took notice of my nightly escapades the following weeks after that. I hung out at the Canterlot Lumen Club with Long Play whenever he wasn't rocking the music like a virtuoso, entertaining the whole dance floor with some sick beats. He was good; I had to give it to him. It was no wonder he was treated like a big-shot celebrity around here. He made his own tracks, remixing them with other well-known ponies in the music industry. He even collaborated with the up-and-coming and no-name upstarts like Sapphire Shores to help them become famous.
School was thankfully less of a drag, though still a pain in the butt, which was the least bit helped from the occasional hangover I suffered due to overindulging the nights before. Just because I had supernatural healing didn't mean I was completely immune to the effects of alcohol poisoning and the like. The pink nephilim living across from me didn't help matters, either. I had no idea how she could be so fucking cheery all the damn time. Especially in the mornings.
To make matters worse, Philomena decided to be a menace, too. Fucking bird kept singing on my balcony right before dawn until I woke up. I swear, the chicken flambé did it on purpose.
Right before the winter holidays arrived, every teacher in school had the brilliant idea of scheduling their half-of-year exams simultaneously, leaving not only me to drag my hooves in exhaustion but also the rest of the nerd gang and Cadance. I was glad to be through with the first half of the school year, having crammed more knowledge into my brain than what I had slogged through prior to coming to Equestria.
At least Cadance and I managed to catch up to every other student concerning history, physics, alchemy, economics, and business studies. I was still abysmally bad at magic—no surprises there—but I was starting to figure things out in my own way.
Pony magic was connected to their special talent, specifically a pony's cutie mark. It was infinitely easier to do something you were deeply connected and passionate about than trying to brute force your way into doing something you only had a passing interest in. For me, that meant being naughty, but more importantly, getting others to be naughty.
I never did anything beyond a bit of harmless exhibitionism, particularly masturbating in increasingly more risqué ways or riskier situations (I did almost get caught playing with my clit while in the computer science classroom, distracting the nerd gang and every other student except for the teacher). As for getting others to be sinfully naughty, it did help to be a succubus who knew what she was doing.
Cadance liked to play matchmaker to the entire student body (and beyond)... I, on the other hoof, favored encouraging those ponies to relieve a bit of stress in places they really shouldn't. I made good work of one particular ability a succubus had: bewitching somepony into being horny as fuck .
Suffice it to say, there were a couple of ponies using the restrooms to relieve themselves in a different sense from the intended purpose of the facilities. The more daring ponies would use empty classrooms, the janitor's closet, or behind the bleachers for a quickie between classes. Or more audacious than that: skipping classes to fuck in the hallways.
Nopony knew I was behind their sudden urges to get frisky—except Cadance. She immediately knew what I was up to and could only roll her eyes at me amusedly. Oh, I was tempted to turn her horny, as well, but her finding some random colt to scratch her itch with wasn't a risk I was willing to take. So, I kept mainly to couples I knew would be safe to 'encourage'... except for a few ponies who managed to get on my wrong side. Those? Oh, those I tortured in the cruelest and naughtiest way possible.
A succubus could turn a pony so horny to the point where they were unable to think of anything else other than sex, but we could also take away their ability to reach their desired climax. Yes, I was evil. I was so fucking evil; I tortured others with unimaginable pleasure . And my evil knew no bounds, letting them suffer in despair at not being able to get what they so desperately wanted the most. Hence, why Dumb and Dumber were failing so miserably at the most basic of tasks in school at the moment.
They refused to learn their lesson, and now they would suffer the consequences. I was a kind mistress, wasn't I? I wasn't the type to physically retaliate to being abused and mocked by some low-life bullies. I was the type to grant them bliss .
Admittedly, it was skirting the line of my contract, but I wasn't hurting them, per se. They still had the choice to heed their bodies' incessant call for sexual relief or ignore it. They had the choice of masturbating, having sex, or simply abstaining from touching themselves altogether. I just gave them a push here and there, turning them horny and forbidding them to cum for an hour afterward. If they chose to eat each other out and curse each other for not being good enough, then that was their fault. I didn't violate the terms of the contract in any way.
That was one of those technicalities that bent the rules just so that even the implication of bending the rules was not enough to trigger the termination of my contract. Besides, all I was doing was helping them. In my own twisted way, I was as much of a matchmaker as Cadance could be. I was taking two ponies not meant for each other and set them up because I could. Simple as that.
Now, what did any of that have to do with magic? Well, nothing much, really. Except it allowed me to use my horn since I couldn't use my hooves to cast spells like my nonexistent hands. That was another matter entirely, and I really didn't look forward to figuring out earthpony magic.
Cady wasn't much better off in that regard than I was. We both had no prior experience with the kind of magic that came from nature. Plants weren't exactly in abundance in Hell, and all I knew about the subject was what little druidic magic I had seen throughout my years trying to escape the fiery snake pit, which wasn't a whole lot. The best I could sum it up with was, 'Something, something, communicate with plants, something, something, magic .' That wasn't helpful in any way.
Pegasus magic was by far the easiest to get the hang of (in no small part due to my sinfully pink teacher). I was still nowhere near the level of the former pegasus, but I could (mostly) do anything asked of me, except maybe get rid of a tornado. I was a stealth flier, not an all-weather hazard clearer. For that matter, snow was a bitch, and I hated the cold. My limbs were stiff as fuck.
Fuck Elsa and her 'the cold never bothered me' bullshit. Give me a warm fireplace and a blanket any time. I wanted my snuggly, warm weather back.
Oh, what joyful holiday cheer. Wake me up when it is over.
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Chapter 013 - Hearth's Warming Cheer, Part One.
There was little that demons couldn't endure. A bullet to the head, a sword stabbed through the heart, holy water melting their skin; really, just about anything. But what I couldn't stand was the freezing cold. Winter in Equestria was one of those things ponies didn't joke around with. And since ponykind managed their own weather, it was pretty much a guarantee that it would snow all the damn fucking time .
One would think that a species that primarily went around naked would avoid making it worse for themselves, but no, that was not the case. Fucking stupid pony traditions. There were no wendigos around anymore, but you couldn't celebrate Hearth's Warming without snow. Ugh.
Of course, the pink nuisance found the weather excellent and just had to drag me out of the castle whenever she could. Wearing boots and a scarf could only do so much to stave off the cold. Thankfully, my change to pony anatomy gave me the small boon of having fur all over. Better yet, ponies here in Equestria had the added advantage of getting all fluffy and shit during the winter months since hibernation wasn't a thing for us. That didn't mean I was the least bit happy about my wings and ears having no protection against freezing temperatures. Or my eyes. Or my snatch. Big fucking yikes on that.
At least Cadance had the mind to bribe me with homemade hot cocoa to get me to come out of my blanket cocoon. My best friend knew how to best appease me despite my grouchy mood.
"Do you think Aunty would like a fetlet like that for Hearth's Warming?" Cadance asked me as we passed by yet another shopfront. I looked over at the piece of jewelry she pointed out, furrowing my brows. It was a golden chain with a ruby heart set in the middle that would presumably go over a pony's fetlock, as the name suggested.
"I don't know..." I said uncertainly, wondering how it would even stay where it was supposed to instead of falling off immediately. Pony fetlocks were kind of weird compared to Earth's horses. They were—more or less—flush with the rest of the leg.
Cadance pouted. "Don't you think it would look cute?"
I snorted. "With her constantly wearing her regalia? It would look dumb." Though I supposed it would stay where it was supposed to be with the golden shoes in the way. Then again, sticky charms were a thing, so maybe I was overthinking it.
Cady huffed. "You're no help at all, do you know that?" she accused me, turning back to search through the display of assorted accessories. I did the same, keeping the eye roll to myself at her comment. I was plenty helpful. It was called 'being honest'—you know, like the virtue we were supposed to uphold? Deal with it.
There were a few interesting, noteworthy things uniquely fit for ponies—such as tail bows and horn decorations—but all of them had one thing in common: they were all made out of gold or had excessive amounts of jewels on them; more often than not, both. It was all a bit too gaudy for my tastes, but considering we were trying to find a present for the big sun goose swan horse, it would be a perfect fit for her. She was all into the golden bling, considering she never took hers off.
There were very few accessories made out of silver or even aluminum, much less steel, so I quickly lost interest in the shop. That was until I saw a pair of ear studs in a corner that almost seemed to have been forgotten.
My desire to have my ears pierced and wear them resurfaced, and I wondered if Aunt Celestia would let me; the design wasn't exactly 'princess-like.' The outside part ended in a sharp spike and was undoubtedly some attempt to appeal to the younger generation that flopped disastrously. It probably wasn't a good idea, anyway. The piercings screamed wannabe emo to me, and I didn't need to give everypony even more ammunition to tease me.
I shook my head and turned back to Cadance as she seemed torn between buying the fetlet thing or not. Ugh, for fuck's sake... "I mean..." I started, rubbing one hoof over another. "As a memento, it would be nice? A heart to represent you and me being in her family? It looks similar enough to our cutie marks, so..."—I shrugged with my wings—" I don't know. Engrave it with our initials or something."
Cadance smiled. "Aww, that's so nice of you," she said, and I huffed, trying to hide my flustered blush. Why must she be so... her ?
"Just get the damn thing and let's go; I'm freezing my ass off here," I muttered, tail whipping in agitation. My best friend and tormentor giggled as she skipped into the shop with a spring in her step. Raven followed her dutifully while I waited outside, trying to act as nonchalantly as I could despite feeling awkward as fuck. Hell be damned if I set a hoof in that money trap of a jewelry store. The ponies doing business here were worse than humans taking advantage of tourists in their capital cities.
If I hadn't been crowned a princess, I would never have lived here in a million years, much less spent my money as a tourist. Everything was expensive as fuck, the restaurants served servings that would sooner starve you than be remotely satisfying, and the ponies living here were snobs who couldn't see where they were going with their snouts turned up so high, they must be going blind from constantly looking into the glare of the sun.
...when it wasn't snowing, that is. The sky was overcast with a thick cover of snow-laden clouds, so the sight of the burning, fiery ball of gas was a rarity during the holidays. Couldn't have a Hearth's Warming without snowflakes coming down twenty-four-seven around the clock. Did I mention it was a stupid tradition yet? Because it was. It was awful.
"Are you done seething about the weather yet?" Cadance asked me as she returned from making the overpriced purchase with Raven. I glared at her, prompting her to giggle. "Come on," she nudged me, already on her way to continue the icy, cold window shopping torture. "Cheer up, we almost have everything."
"You know, with the holiday being Hearth's Warming and all, I feel like the weather should be warmer ."
"You know it doesn't work like that, right?" Cady pointed out, and I grumbled unhappily. "It's called Hearth's Warming; the weather has to be cold so you can snuggle up to your special somepony! It's all about coming together and chasing the cold away!"
I scowled at her and sneered, "Neither of us has a special somepony."
"Well..." Cadance hummed, bumping against me with a smile, unimpressed by my hostile behavior. "It doesn't have to be your significant other. You could also spend your time with your family instead. Play some games, have a snowball fight, bake some cookies, sing a few carols, build a snowpony, visit a play..."
"I could also just wrap myself up in a blanket and stay in bed alone ."
My best friend pouted. "But that's lonely and no fun at all." Then she nudged me with a wing, smiling like the insufferable nuisance that she was. What a friggin' pest. "Don't you want to act a bit filly-ish and be merry? You always just close yourself off. Liven up a little! Where's the harm in that?"
"..." I stayed silent for a while as we passed by a couple of storefronts. Honestly, there wasn't a particular reason I disliked the festivities; I just... forgot what it was like acting all carefree and 'merry,' as Cadance put it. I didn't really have the opportunity to do so, you-know-where. Shit like that changed you. It made you all bitter and antisocial, a shell of your former self. You began coping with unhealthy mechanisms, adopted a different kind of personality, and saw the worst in everyone around you. You shut yourself out, relied on no one else but yourself, and then sat in the pit you dug out, unable to escape it alone.
Living in Equestria helped me immensely in that regard, but even with a supportive environment and ponies that genuinely cared about me (at least those who weren't told to do so), it took a lot of willpower to take that first step on the road to healing. I had to be the one to let my guard down first and allow myself to be... social, I guess. Not the naughty kind of social where I go around fucking everything with a dick, but the social kind where I just... do normal stuff. Stuff that didn't involve getting stabbed in the back by your so-called 'sisters,' but stuff where you actually bonded with your friends and family. Even if that meant walking through the snow and freezing my ass off.
"You know, it's not easy to open up and do something fun that doesn't involve sucking dick," I whispered forlornly. "I don't even know how to act like I did before I was sent to... you know."
"Hey, you will get there. I know you will," Cadance reassured me, giving me a gentle, comforting smile. "I'm always willing to listen if you want to talk. It must be difficult talking about it, but it might help. You aren't broken, Ish. And being a bit antisocial is fine. Just... don't shut me out, please. You can allow yourself to act a little bit silly instead of moping around all day."
"I don't mope around all day," I denied, scrunching up my muzzle, annoyed.
"Whatever you say, McFrownyface," Cady teased me, playfully rubbing her cheek against mine, a big grin on her lips. I felt my tail twitch in surprise at the sudden contact, a certain kind of heat surging through me that got increasingly harder to ignore around her.
Fuck. To say the least, I had a minor crush on my best friend . My stupid heart kept beating harder in my chest at any show or sign of affection directed toward me from her. And to make matters worse, my best efforts to suppress those feelings ended in failure, much to my eternal chagrin. If only I could stop these stupid urges from influencing my thoughts, I could still look her straight in the eyes and not imagine kissing those perfect lips of hers.
It made getting up in the morning much more challenging, knowing I would ruin everything if I acted on those feelings. Cadance deserved better than my dysfunctional ass. I couldn't give her what she truly wanted, and neither could she. I was the type to sleep around; she wasn't. It was as simple as that.
Although, I couldn't deny that the thought hadn't crossed my mind. What would it be like if I were to ask her out? Would she say yes? Was she even into girls? She certainly seemed to flirt with no regard to gender, but what were her physical preferences? Surely, she wanted a virile stud to sate her fantasies of a happy, nuclear family (disgusting, I know). Even if that fantasy might never come to pass with her half-angelic, half-demonic nature. Her type had to be the protector kind, right?
Well, even if she thought I could fit that role, I wasn't really masculine so much as I was a tough bitch. Sure, I might have a dick now (when I wasn't disguised as a damn teenager), but would that be enough for her? And more importantly, would that be enough for me? I liked getting fucked; would she be willing to do the same to me?
Our personalities clashed a lot, too. She was the romantic, gentle variety of pony, kind-hearted and patient. I was crass and shameless, not to mention vindictive and sour, and had a short fuse similar to Sunset. I tended to insult those who irritated me while Cadance tried to de-escalate whenever possible. We couldn't be any more different from each other, and yet, we got along like we knew each other our whole lives. How would that dynamic change if I threw a relationship into the mix? Surely, she would get fed up with me sooner rather than later, right?
Honestly, I had no idea why that wasn't the case already. Aside from the brief conversation about opening up and having fun in a completely innocent way, she put up with me for reasons I couldn't explain. Yeah, I wasn't precisely a bitch to her specifically, but she must at least think I wasn't a good person, right? That much was rather obvious about my personality. I might be far from horrible, and I was actively trying to turn a new leaf (I swear I was at least trying to do so, give me a damn break), but that didn't change the fact that I wasn't nice and polite and friendly unless forced into pretending to be.
My mind wandered to the nerd gang, and I wondered why they put up with me. Unlike Cadance, I didn't really treat them with a whole lot of respect. Heck, I kept tormenting Shining Armor because he clung to the belief he might have a chance with the pink nephilim. I certainly wasn't a good influence on Twilight Sparkle, as she seemed to get snarkier and snarkier the longer we spent time hanging out around each other. Thankfully, she hadn't picked up on my habit of swearing yet, and I seriously hoped she never would. I did not want to explain to her mother why she got into the habit of doing that .
Maybe the guys were attention-starved and merely tolerated me being in their friend group because I was a girl. Or I was just misrepresenting myself and wasn't as unbearable to be around as I thought. There had to be something they liked about me other than having a snatch, right?
I glanced at Cadance from the corner of my eyes and frowned (unintentionally proving her right with her 'McFrownyface' comment—stupid, annoying pink nephilim). "Say, Cadance..?"
"Yes, Pleasure?" she hummed in response, smiling as if nothing could truly ruin her mood. That was one thing I appreciated a lot about her. She was just... so innocent and happy, always able to spot the good in anypony. I really didn't want that to change. Ever.
"Why do you like me?" I asked, not realizing how my question could be misconstrued until I saw her face take on a rosy tint. Ponies being able to blush was weird but oddly cute. If only it didn't make my heart throb at the thought of her liking me that way...
"I, uh, well..." my best friend stammered, suddenly very reluctant to meet my eyes. I gave her a quizzical look, silently telling her to get the hint that she clearly misunderstood the question. If only I wasn't such a self-destructive bitch, I might have admitted my feelings to her. For her sake, I had to stay away from her, even if she did feel the same way about me—as unlikely as that was. "Honestly, I like your bluntness a lot, and you're fun to be around. You look out for me—and don't try denying it; I know you keep scaring the living daylights out of anypony confessing their 'undying' love for me." Cadance rolled her eyes, possibly just as irritated by it as I was. "As if that would suddenly make me consider being in a relationship with them. It's not like I know any of them," she muttered, annoyed. Then, she hummed, saying, "We also share many interests. Oh! And our personalities complement each other really well!" I furrowed my brows, unable to determine how she came to that conclusion. There was no such thing as 'opposites attract' when our personalities weren't even remotely compatible with each other. Cady continued unhindered, most likely not noticing the disbelief on my face, "I also think you're a big softie deep down, even though you try to not let it show."
"That's not even remotely true," I denied, unable to admit that a small part of me felt glad Cadance thought of me like that. My pink and very annoying friend gave me an amused glance, and I scowled darkly back at her. Why must she see through me so easily, damnit? It would be so much easier to keep my distance from her if she didn't constantly do that. "You wouldn't say that if you were at the receiving end of my wrath."
"But I'm not," she countered me, poking me with a wing. I suppressed the frustration welling up within me. She just couldn't stop, could she? Fuck me. "And I doubt I ever will be. You couldn't bring yourself to hate me, admit it~."
I grumbled under my breath. "You're annoying; I hate that."
"Oh?" she smiled. "Then why do you put up with me?"
"You don't hate me, even though you know everything about me."
Cadance hummed. "Well, clearly not everything, but even if I did, you're here now, and you have changed. That's all I need to know to not hate you. There's nothing you could do to change my mind."
I glanced at her smile and felt myself flush faintly. "Thanks..." God fucking damnit. Why did I have to feel so infatuated with her?
"Don't mention it, Ish. You are a great pony; don't ever think otherwise, okay?" she told me, and I tried to commit her words to heart despite feeling like it was impossible. With all the things I had to do to survive up to this point, I was undeserving of so much faith. Much less true love. Perhaps I really did deserve Hell. "Is there anything you still need to get? I think I'll gift Fleur a visit to the spa, no expenses spared. She has been going through a lot of stress lately, working her way up in the modeling industry."
"I, uh... I was thinking of buying the guys some comic books or something."
Cadance gave me a look, and I fidgeted with my wings. "Comic books?" she questioned me, and I started feeling increasingly more awkward. What else was I supposed to get them? They were nerds; they basically never did anything stallion-y. "Doesn't Shining Armor want to join the guard? Give him something that will help him instead of causing him to laze around even more."
"Like what?" I asked her with a huff. "I'm not trying to impress him or tell him, 'Hey, I think you're a wimp; here are some barbells so you might have a chance of making it into the guard.'"
Cadance snorted, giggling slightly. "No, nothing like that. But he might want to learn what is expected of a guard, so the guard's manual would be a good starting point. Get him that and an armor cleaning kit, and he'll be motivated enough to work out of his own volition." Then, she hummed, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "That and not wanting to get on the bad side of the drill sergeant gets anypony working out, I imagine."
I snorted, amused. "Right," I said, seeing the wisdom in her words. "And you're not just trying to keep him around on the off-chance that he will confess his feelings to me, huh?"
"What? Me? Trying to set you up with a nice colt who is the sweetest guy with a wonderful little sister you just so happen to foalsit? Why would I do that?" Cady said, feigning shock. I could spot the mischief in her eyes from a mile away.
"Uh-huh," I deadpanned. She could at least pretend to be subtle about it.
"What about the rest of your friends?" she questioned me, prompting me to think for a second. I had some ideas, but whether or not they were better than the comic book idea was up for debate.
"Well, if comic books are out, then a new Ogres and Oubliettes campaign book for Gaffer, a new calculator for Poindexter, and... I dunno, Eight Bit is into programming and computer games, so maybe something to help him create new and better ones?"
Cadance nodded with a hum, rubbing her chin. "That's a start. Nothing truly awe-inspiring, but it doesn't have to be. You'll have to do better for whomever you end up dating in the future, though. Why a calculator for Poindexter?"
I chose to ignore the dating comment, not in the mood to argue with her about my preference to not give any of the guys a chance. I kept my expression neutral and shrugged, "I think he wants to become a math professor or something." He certainly was a wizard with numbers. As long as he didn't try cheating the rules at Ogres and Oubliettes, that is. I had the teeniest, tiniest impression he was slightly regretful that he didn't roll a mage and went with the hunter archetype because he thought it would be 'cooler.' Guys, seriously.
"I suppose that would be good enough, though I feel like getting him a calculator is a little underwhelming," Cady commented, and I rolled my eyes. It wasn't like I cared about what he thought of the gift. Finding stuff that was thoughtful and shit was difficult enough. "What about the little filly you like to foalsit? What does she like?"
I snorted. There was only one answer to that question. "Books."
Cadance faltered slightly as she didn't expect that kind of response from me. "Come again?"
"You heard me," I sighed with a defeated mutter. I really should introduce Cadance to the tiny little bookhorse at some point; it would honestly be hilarious. "Twilight literally sleeps on them because she stays up late reading anything she can get her hooves on. It's hard enough to get her to go to bed without a book in her grasp, seriously."
"That doesn't sound healthy," my best friend voiced her concern, and I shrugged, apathetic. If it made Twilight happy, who was I to tell her to stop? I was a sex addict; I had no moral high ground to stand on whatsoever. Everypony had their vice. "Does she like anything else?"
"You tell me," I prompted her, one of my brows raised mockingly. "That filly doesn't have any friends outside of her brother and the rest of the nerd gang, allowing her to play pen and paper campaigns with them. A filly her age with a vastly superior intellect to her peers doesn't make friends easily."
Nor would it be a good idea if she did with just any pony. She was the real deal as far as geniuses went; social interaction for her required a different kind of intellectual niveau than other foals her age, which sadly meant she was abysmally bad at interacting with other ponies below a certain educational point.
Cadance sighed, not at all happy about learning that Twilight was some kind of antisocial genius who got along better with ponies thrice her age than her own age group. "What kind of book were you thinking of?"
Oh, that was an easy question to answer. "Twilight idolizes Starswirl the Bearded. You know, the mentor Aunty Sunnybum learned under? He apparently created a fuckton of spells and shit."
"Huh," Cady hummed, interested. "Might have to look into him, in that case. Do you think Aunty would tell us what he was like?"
"Maybe?" I shrugged. "I sure hope she can at least recommend something for Twilight to read."
"She's going to take the entrance exam in the spring, isn't she?" Cadance asked me, and I gave her a confirming nod. "In that case, I'm sure she would be ecstatic to get a signed copy of whatever Aunty Tia recommends, right?"
"Unless Aunt Jellobutt just so happens to have a signed copy by Starswirl lying around, I'm not sure that's going to work out."
"I meant Aunty signing it, you doofus," Cadance giggled, and I tried my best to not let my embarrassment show. Right. Duh. I knew that, obviously. "Now, come on, I think they're selling computer stuff over there in that shop."
I followed the direction of her gaze and had to agree with her. The shop looked very tech-like and minimalistic, sort of like a certain computer company back on Earth. However, the pony brand had nothing to do with fruit and depicted a rainbow horseshoe instead. 'Canter Inc.' they called themselves. Probably because of Canterlot, if I had to guess.
Suffice it to say, the prices were exorbitantly high, even for the previous generation of computers. The shop clerk was very enthusiastic about showing off the newest 'Cantermac' with the graphical interface and 'revolutionary' mouse. It was a bit nostalgic to see, but I was used to way more advanced shit than this. Sorry, Eight Bit, but I wasn't going to pay two thousand bits for garbage like that just to make you happy.
I decided a book on coding would have to suffice. I was confident I could find something related to game development at a bookstore, at the very least. Who knew? I could scribble in some ideas for popular games back on Earth. He deserved a bit of fame among the future gaming community (as long as he didn't sell his soul to corporate greed in the long run).
Cadance was fascinated by the stupid thing, playing around with the clunky mouse before I dragged her out of the money trap that were overpriced status symbols. Maybe in a few years, they would be decent enough, but right now, I would rather not waste my time with technology that didn't even scratch the surface of what it could be in the future. If they followed the same timeline that Earth did, at least. Not that custom-built computers with an affordable operating system would leave them in the dust before long, anyway.
We found a store that sold office supplies and bought a fancy calculator for Poindexter. At the same time, Cady got some high-quality coloring pencils I was sure were meant for Cheerilee and went on to find a bookstore. It wasn't easy to find a suitable book, but they did have a few bricks—I mean textbooks —about programming languages in general. One had a chapter about creating your first game, so I took that one. The shop assistant offered to help me find a proper book about game development, letting me know that they would send a note to the castle if they ever found anything.
As for Shining Armor's gifts, we went to the castle barracks and talked to the old grouchy guy in charge about getting the manual and an armor polishing kit. The guard's captain gave us a strange but appreciative look at the choice for a Christmas gift (or Hearth's Warming, whatever).
If it was up to me, I would set Shining up for failure, but he was kind of made for the guard, what with his special talent and all that. I wasn't that heartless to ruin his whole future just because he had the hots for my best friend. No, I wasn't at all jealous that he would make for a good choice if he cleaned up his act and gained a spine. But what were the chances of him making a grand gesture to show up his bullies in front of the whole school to woo Cadance?
Anyway, there was just one more thing on my list of presents to get...
"Aunty Tia?" I asked, looking up at the big sun goose swan horse while we were all seated around the fireplace of her suite with steaming hot mugs full of creamy, chocolaty goodness. I was on the plush carpet as close to the fire as possible while Cadance was on the armchair reading a romance novel (not the adult kind from what I could glean from the cover and the lack of obvious, apparent signs Cadance had while aroused). Aunt Sunbutt took up the entirety of the couch, a quill dancing over the surface of a scroll held in her magical grasp.
"Yes, Pleasure?" she hummed, glancing away from the scroll after she finished writing whatever sentence she was on. Even during winter break, she kept working. The government never slept, huh? She was out of her royal regalia for once, though—which was kind of strange to see, to be honest. I supposed even the High Princess of Equestria had to relax at some point, and we sort of surprise-ambushed her with the offer of hot cocoa on her doorstep.
Not that I would call work relaxing by any means. She really must love doing it enough to sacrifice her free time regularly. There was dedication, and then there was Aunty Celestia.
I smiled innocently. "You wouldn't mind signing a book for me, would you?"
"A book?" she said, raising an inquisitive brow at me, intrigued. "And for whom would I sign this?"
Ah, frick. I squirmed slightly, rubbing the back of my head in embarrassment. I had hoped she would just do it and not ask for a name, dang it. "Twilight..?"
"You're not just giving her a book because you can't think of anything else, are you?" Aunty Jellysun asked me, an almost disappointed tone in her voice. "Wouldn't a filly her age enjoy a toy more?"
I smiled awkwardly as she took a sip from her hot cocoa. "Well, the thing is..." I began, wondering if she would believe me if I told her she had no other interests whatsoever besides studying. "Twilight is a very special filly, and I'm not just saying it because I'm biased as her foalsitter. She would've probably enrolled at your school three years ago if her parents didn't want her to start school before she was old enough." Aunty Jellysun hummed, seemingly placated. Hopeful she would consider my request now, I continued, "I was wondering if maybe you could recommend a book from Starswirl the Bearded to me? She's a huge fan, and she wants to grow up just... like... him..."
There was a loud clattering sound, and I blinked, baffled, as Aunty Tia laughed loudly, wings flaring suddenly open. She wiped a hoof at her eye, trying to rein in her laughter. Her spilled cocoa stained the carpet and the discarded scroll while the cup lay broken at the foot of her couch. "I'm sorry, I... I must've misheard. She wants to do what ?" she asked, visibly struggling from holding back another bout of giggles as if I told her the greatest joke in the universe.
Both Cadance and I gave the white rainbow sun goose swan horse weird looks. We weren't quite used to seeing her act so... unrefined. Casual Aunty Celestia was a whole new side of her we had never seen before.
"Uh..." I very eloquently responded, trying to get over the shock of our aunt dropping decorum out of the window. I felt unsure if I should check whether or not she was secretly a changeling in disguise or something. This was so unlike her that I had trouble coming to terms with the idea she could act... less her age and more like what her youthful appearance suggested.
Her advice about age being meaningless never rang as true as it did right now. While in private, she acted more like forty than she did the wise and immortal ruler of ponykind in public. It was like she had a wholly different persona that still conformed to the image I had of her in my mind, only... more fun and approachable.
"Is something wrong about wanting to be like Starswirl, Aunty?" Cadance inquired, curious.
"Oh, nothing's wrong with it," Aunty Sunnybunny answered, snickering slightly. "Oh, my. I'm sorry, it's just... Starswirl was as mad as he was brilliant. Yes, he created many useful spells that we still use to this day, but back then, hardly a week went by without him causing some kind of disaster. Oh, he was a terrible teacher, let me tell you. You should have seen him trying to make sense out of poison joke . I miss him."
"...okay, then," I muttered, blinking owlishly as the big sun goose swan horse reminisced in her memories about her old mentor. "So... is that a no or..?"
"No?" Aunt Celestia asked, momentarily confused as to what I was referring to. "Oh, you mean the book. Yes, of course. I'll see what I can dig up that would be appropriate for a foal. Most of Starswirl's advanced spells and theories are hard to grasp for a beginner, not to mention dangerous without professional supervision."
I raised a brow, suddenly wary about giving Twilight access to the equivalent of a pony nuke. We... didn't have anything equivalent to those atrocities here, right? Right? "What kind of spells are we talking about?"
"Nothing to purposefully hurt another pony if that's what you're worried about," she smiled, a proud glint in her eyes as she noticed me visibly deflate in relief. Oh, thank the sun on her butt. "They could just tear reality asunder as we know it."
"What?!" I exclaimed in shock while the stupid sun goose swan-corn giggled in mischief.
"Gotcha," she smirked while Cadance looked on in confusion as to what was happening. Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure, either. "Oh, you have no idea how refreshing this is. I haven't felt this alive ever since..."—Aunt Tia made a weird face, and a small part of me felt concern and sympathy for her—" since forever. I'm sorry for messing with you, Ishtar, but you had it coming for you."
Well... she had a point there. "This is revenge for the stunt we pulled on you a while back, isn't it?"
"Just some light teasing, my dear niece," Aunty Cellyjam confirmed, an amused smile on her muzzle. She lit her horn and reversed the damage to the cup and the carpet stains. "It's such a shame I spilled my cocoa. I rather enjoyed it."
Cady's ears perked up. "I can make some more if you want," she offered, hopping out of her seat. "I could use a refill myself, actually."
"That's very kind of you, dear," Aunty Celestia said, passing her cup to the pink alicorn. I quickly drained mine, not wanting to be left out of getting a refill, as well. Aunt Sunbutt turned back to me after Cadance left, a thoughtful frown on her muzzle. "This filly who you foalsit... does she have any friends?"
I mirrored Aunty's frown. "Besides her brother, me, and the rest of the guys? Not that I'm aware of, no."
"That is troubling to hear," Aunty Celestia hummed, a distant gaze in her eyes.
"To be honest, I don't think it would be a good idea for her to make friends with ponies her age, anyway," I muttered. I fidgeted with my wings at the pointed look she gave me and sighed, tail lashing in agitation. "She's... different, to say the least. Don't get me wrong, she isn't the type to look down on others, but I can tell she easily gets bored when she isn't intellectually challenged. Other foals her age? They like to play around with toys and such while Twily cracks open a textbook on my level to have fun. She's the real deal as far as geniuses go."
Aunt Jellycelly nodded in understanding. "That does remind me of Starswirl," she hummed, reminiscing in nostalgia. "I take it she wants to attend my school, then? You weren't exactly subtle in asking the staff about it; don't think I didn't take notice."
I blushed, rubbing my neck in embarrassment. Caught with the hoof in the cookie jar, huh? "Yeah. She idolizes you even more than she does Starswirl or her brother and me."
"If she is as smart as you say she is, then I look forward to having her as a student," Tante Celestia said, a gentle smile on her muzzle. Cadance decided to reappear right then with three steaming mugs full of chocolaty goodness in her magical grasp. “Thank you, Mi Amore Cadenza.”
Cady made a face at being addressed so formally. "Don't mention it," she responded, passing my mug to my waiting hooves. I smiled eagerly, inhaling deeply from the scent of the divine brew my best friend made. It had no right to smell so good, but Cadance could seriously rival Aunty's cooking prowess, I swear. "And please, don't call me that while we are in private, Aunty."
Aunty Jellycelly smirked rebelliously. "As you wish, my lovely Cadance."
Cadance made a face at her, clearly annoyed. "This is my punishment, isn't it? I'm not sure I like you being all down to earth in private."
"Now, don't be so harsh to little old me, my niece," Princess Auntlestia pouted, and I couldn't help but crack a smile myself. I, for one, was starting to enjoy this. Who knew the holier-than-thou bitch could be fun?
"Whatever," Cadance grumbled, rolling her eyes at her. "Did I miss anything? Aside from Aunty Sunbutt here learning how to drop the nice princess act?"
Aunty Cellyjelly let out a fake sniffle. "Oh, how you wound me, Mi Amore. I suppose Mi Libidine Passione will have to be my favorite niece from now on."
"Fuck off," I shot back, sticking my tongue out at the silly sun goose swan horse.
This time, Aunt Jellysun clutched a hoof to her chest. "Ngh! Betrayed... by my loved ones! Oh, woe is me!"
I snorted, raising a brow back at her. "You know, being a drama queen doesn't suit you."
"Yeah," Cadance agreed with a mock sneer. "Even a foal would be better at acting hurt than you."
"Now, that's just rude," Aunty Celestia complained, offended. "I'll have you know, I would make for a great actress. Once upon a time, it was a dream of mine to stand on a stage and move the crowd's hearts with my performance."
"Pfft," I snickered. "Yeah, right. I'd pay to see that."
Aunty let out a 'Hmph!' at that. "If I weren't so busy, I would gladly show you."
"Hah! As if," I grinned, doubtful. "You're already making excuses to weasel yourself out of proving your claims, Sunbutt. Admit it, you're terrible at acting."
She turned her muzzle up at us. "You'll see. One day, I'll show everypony my true talents," she responded. Then, she peeked at us from the corner of her eyes and started tittering. Both Cadance and I joined her with giggles. "My, I forgot what it was like, having ponies I care for see me as just a pony and not their princess. I'm glad you two entered my life."
I smiled. "And I'm glad you didn't smite me," I teased back, making her roll her eyes good-naturedly. "Seriously. I'm lucky to have been adopted by you as your niece. Everyone else would have seen a demon and shot first before asking questions." Happened enough times, to be honest.
"I'm also glad you took us in, Aunty," Cadance said, muzzle aglow with happiness. "I can't even begin to express my gratitude for all that you have done for us."
"You being here is more than enough for my 'old, dusty heart,' dear," Aunt Celestia told us, humming in delight as she took a deep sip from her refilled mug. "Oh, my. I can't complain with cocoa like this, after all. You are quite good at making this, Cadance."
"T-thanks," Cady blushed, and I snickered.
"Who would've guessed that was your goal all along? Seducing our aunt with confections and homemade hot chocolate..."
"What? No! I'm not trying to—" Cady stammered, blushing furiously now. I saw her squirm in her seat, avoiding looking anywhere in Aunt Celestia's or my direction. "I... um..."
I grinned in mirth, watching with gleeful anticipation as Aunt Sunbutt joined in with the teasing. "My... is there something you want to confess, my dear niece?" Aunty Tia asked, and I roared with laughter, clutching my sides at how suggestive she sounded. "Any forbidden desires~?"
"I don't have a crush on you!" Cadance exclaimed, perhaps a bit too loud at that.
"But you are attracted to me, are you not?" Aunt Celestia prodded her, eyes twinkling. I kept on wheezing from the laughter and giggles rocking my body. Oh, dear fucking God Almighty, this was great. Poor Cadance, ah hah hah ha! "I cannot fault you for feeling this way, Cadance. I'm not one to be vain, but I'm quite aware of my flawless beauty. It's only normal to find me appealing, is it not? What is it you find your eyes drawn to the most?"—she brushed a hoof through her flowing mane, giving her come-hither eyes—" Is it my mane?"—she moved on, trailing a hoof sensually over her fur—" The pearly white coat?"—she slowly extended one of her wings—" The lustrous wings I possess?"—she wriggled her butt, craning her neck—" Or the sun on my flanks~? Tell me..."
Cadance hid behind her mane, probably dying from embarrassment. "I, uhm..." The following words were too quiet even for me to pick up with my enhanced hearing.
Aunt Celestia grinned with satisfied mirth. "What was that, dear? You'll have to speak up, or I won't be able to hear you."
"Fuck you..." Cadance grumbled, wings bristling as she glared stealthily back at her tormentor. "How starved for attention are you that you have to bully me with these sweet temptations?"
Our aunt giggled. "Turnabout is fair play, my dear niece. Be glad I'm mindful enough to do it in private, unlike some ponies I know," she quipped, relaxing on the plush couch.
Cadance grumbled, rubbing a hoof over her leg. "Your neck, okay?! It looks perfect for snuggling..."
"Oh, my, God, that's so fucking innocent and sweet , holy shit!" I commented, laughing even more. I wiped away a tear from my eyes, trying my best to keep my laughter in. "Oh, fuck, I just want to corrupt you."
"Shut up, you aren't any better," Cady grumbled, trying her best to imitate my dark red coat with the blush on her muzzle.
"I..." I began before I blinked, surprised. I looked down at myself. Or I tried to, at least. "Last I checked, I didn't have a neck like Miss Swan Goose here."
"Swan goose?" Aunt Celestia hummed, amused. "How very creative, niece."
"Oh, please, as if you've never looked in the mirror and thought you resembled one. The only thing missing is geese honking near you because they think you're their mother," I sneered, getting her to titter back at me while I grinned.
"I would make for a very pretty 'swan goose,' don't I?" she agreed, proudly pushing her chest outward (it only emphasized her swan-like look).
"Ugh, you two are the worst," Cadance complained. "I feel like you're mocking me here."
"Aww! I would never do that to you," I mentioned, feigning hurt. "Who do you think I am? A demon? "
"Har har," she deadpanned. "You're lucky I like you."
"Now, now, girls. I don't want to see any fighting between you; you get along so well," Aunty Tia said, pretending to be disappointed. "Ishtar, don't mock Cadance for her love of swan necks; that's not very nice of you."
Cadance's eyelid twitched, and Aunt Jellycelly's muzzle was met with a rogue, flying cushion not a moment later. "Can we please change the topic? I swear, you're both immature foals."
"Very well," Aunty Tia sighed melodramatically, taking a sip from her mug to hide her smile. "I hope you're done shopping for gifts, then?" she asked, and we nodded in confirmation. "I suggest sending a courier to get them to their intended recipients, then. Unless your friends don't mind receiving them late; it will be a busy day tomorrow."
"I suppose we can't skip attending the Hearth's Warming play, then?" I asked, mildly annoyed. "Or the banquet?"
"No."
"Are we allowed to get drunk, at least?"
"Ishtar..."
"Fine..." I grumbled sulkily to myself. Be a killjoy, why don't you? I would have to sneak out of the castle later and get some alcohol that way. I could take Cady along; I was sure she would appreciate a festive drink or two.
She was the kind that liked overly sweet stuff, and she wanted me to liven up, right? What better way to do that than getting tipsy drinking mulled wine at a Christmas—I mean, Hearth's Warming—market?
Eh heh heh heh...
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Chapter 014 - Hearth's Warming Cheer, Part Two.
Author's Note
Not quite two-hundred, but close enough, I guess. Question is... have you all been good for Santa? :)
Chapter 014 - Hearth's Warming Cheer, Part Two.
As far as plays went, the Royal Canterlot Hearth's Warming pageant was okay. It was performed by a wide variety of actors. The lead characters looked frighteningly starved with a clever bit of makeup use, and they even got fake snow falling down on the stage. At the same time, ghostly whinnies echoed from somewhere in the background, adding to the eerie atmosphere.
The lead actors in the roles of Clover the Clever, Princess Platinum, Smart Cookie, Chancellor Puddinghead, Private Pansy, and Commander Hurricane had historically accurate costumes. At the same time, the supporting characters and background actors wore nothing or old, ratty-looking cloaks at best. Aunt Celestia was incredibly proud to say they got the founding members' personalities as close to the originals as possible. They even looked the part with the coat colors and mane styles matching those of the founders.
The story itself was as corny as it was haunting. Granted, the depicted events were heavily edited to make them foal-friendly, but Aunty Celestia was there to fill in the gaps for us. It was crazy to think ponykind went almost extinct because of this one event preluding the founding of Equestria.
Apparently, the wendigos froze their victims solid by chilling them from the inside out, using their own negative emotions against them. Unlike what the play portrayed it as, the icy, frozen spirits feasted on the flesh of those unlucky souls that succumbed to their sinister magic. It was incredibly dark magic to twist and amplify a pony's emotions in such a manner. It reminded me a bit too uncomfortably of what Prismia did back in Cadance's former hometown.
If there were still any wendigos around, they would have been upon us once Prismia drained all the love away at the latest. Nothing would have been left to salvage at that point, and I doubted Cady and I could have escaped their icy grasp.
The climax of the play was something else entirely. The illusion of ice and hypothermia was dispelled in a last act of love and friendship among found family, returning the nigh-dead ponies to full health as a flaming pink heart was lit over the stage, vanquishing the evil spirits as the antithesis to their existence burned them away. Thus, the three tribes learned to put aside their differences, made sweet, sweet love to each other, and then built Canterlot as a testament to their new unity.
Aunty Celestia told us that it wasn't until much later that her mentor approached her and asked her to lead ponykind instead. She had set out from the ancient alicorn homeland in search of a purpose, basically exiling herself as a coming-of-age rite. Only after she had gained her cutie mark was she allowed to return, but by then, she had found her new home as Equestria's benevolent dictator—I mean, princess, of course.
"Do you ever think about returning to where you came from? If only to reconnect with family?" Cadance asked, only for Auntlestia to frown.
"There's nopony there that I would call family, niece," our aunt responded, a dead gaze in her eyes. "They don't care about the mortal races. To them, everypony else might as well be a short-lived animal. They didn't lift a single hoof to put an end to the wendigos, thinking themselves immune to the 'mortal' plague, so I left. There's no place I'd rather be than here. You are my family, and this nation is my passion. Even if they would accept me back with open hooves, it would be without love and compassion."
"That's..." Cadance started, struggling for words.
"Sad? Disgusting?" I offered, scowling darkly myself. That kind of attitude reminded me far too much of Heaven and Hell. "I can empathize with you, Aunty. More than anypony else could, perhaps."
Cadance frowned sadly. "Ish..."
I put on a friendly(-ish) smile to reassure her. "Don't worry about it. We're both here, aren't we? Enough of the depressing shit, already. We're a family now, so... let's be merry and have fun."
A giant white feathery wing enveloped both our backs as Aunty Celestia hugged us against her side. "Pleasure is right, Cadance. It's Hearth's Warming. We should return to the castle for the banquet."
I scrunched up my muzzle. "How's that any less depressing?"
Aunt Jellycelly tittered. "There's nice food and company waiting," she told me as if it was obvious (and no doubt 'enjoyable' to her). "Now, come. I promise it won't be so bad. You are still a princess; formalities like these are expected of you."
"Fine," I sighed. "There better be some fruit there, or else."
Aunt Celestia giggled slightly. "I see my precious bat has got her priorities straight~."
"S-shut up," I grumbled poutily, blushing in embarrassment as she squeezed me tighter against her side. I squirmed at Cady's smug look, free to observe my happily flagging tail. Traitor , I thought bitterly, trying to get the damn thing to go back down. Stupid unconscious pony body language!
So, what?! My aunt was treating me with familial affection, and I liked it! I wasn't starved for attention! Who gave a fuck, anyway? Don't judge me!
Cady was right; her neck was really nice for hugging and snuggling. Damn it...
We returned to the castle while taking the scenic route through the busy streets full of ponies celebrating Hearth's Warming Eve. There were lots of ponies singing carols and the like, playing games in the snow, and drinking warm, spiced wine or hot cocoa at festive stalls. All in all... I would still rather curl up by the fireplace and enjoy a smutty book or two, but to be entirely honest? I had to admit that it wasn't so bad, spending time with my loved ones (oh, how far I've fallen from the studious succubus I once was).
It helped that ponies were so open with their affection, and Aunty Sunnybun was so understanding and forgiving. It just felt... nice to have a family. I didn't have to sequester myself away because Cadance and Auntlestia weren't unbearably toxic like most of the demonic bitches who called themselves my sisters.
It was difficult to admit to myself, but... maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to let my guard down after all. Clearly, neither Cadance nor Auntia would hold it against me if I were to show some weakness every now and again and return the affection given to me. Even the guys were alright to be around, to be honest. Yes, even Shining Armor, the horndog.
Speaking of Shining Armor...
"What are you doing here?" I asked, blinking in surprise at the unexpected guests at the banquet slash feast slash political landmine.
My friend, aka unknowing bullying victim, turned his head and smiled at the sight of me. "Oh, hey, Pleasure. We got an invitation," he explained, and I frowned in confusion. "...you didn't know?"
"No," I muttered slowly, suspicious that Aunt Sunbutt had her immaculate hooves in this. Of fucking course.
"Oh! Hi, Shining Armor! I see you got the invitation in time," Cadance said as she approached us, a bright smile on her annoyingly pink muzzle. My eyelid twitched as I heard Shining whisper something along the lines of 'She knows my name!' to himself while Cadance turned to me. The feeling of betrayal was indescribable and immeasurable. "Ish, you want to introduce us~?"
I snorted. I would like nothing more than to do just that. Not. "Shining Armor, Cadance. Cadance, horny teenage colt," I drawled, receiving a 'Hey!' in protest from the aforementioned teenage colt. I fucking hated everyone .
"It's... nice to meet you," Cadance hummed, shaking Shining's hoof uneasily as he stood there like a drooling zombie.
"Gah... bwuh? Hel-lo!" Shining responded, nervous sweat running down his forehead. I glared at the idiot. Seriously?
"Are the others also here?" I asked with a tight jaw and tense wings. I swore if he made a single move on her, I would turn his dick inside out. Maybe then he would have the guts to admit he liked both mares and stallions, and I could convince him to shag Gaffer instead or something.
"What..?" Shining Armor mumbled, blinking briefly before his brain caught up with his ears. "Oh, erm... no. At least, I don't think so? Mom got extra tickets, and since Dad has to attend the Hearth's Warming party at work, she took Twilight and me along."
"Oh? Can we meet her?" Cadance asked eagerly, batting her eyelashes prettily at him in an attempt to manipulate him. I refused to believe anything else was happening.
"My mom? Sure," Shining nodded, turning back to the direction he was facing before I talked to him. "She went to the little filly's room a few minutes ago; she should be back any moment now."
"I meant your sister, doofus," Cady giggled, amused. "Forbidden can't stop talking about her, right, Ish?"
"...' Ish'?" Shining asked, causing me to sneer back at him.
"Nickname, don't you fucking dare use it," I explained, frustrated. "Only Cady is allowed to call me that. Her and Sunbutt." I wasn't exactly in the mood to admit to him that Pleasure wasn't my True Name. Nor did I want to give him any power over me if he were to be aware of it. As unlikely as it was, he could cause me a headache and a half if he let it slip. I would prefer it if it didn't end up in the wrong hooves here in this world.
"Oh my, are we talking about my heavenly behind?" Aunty hummed, and I jumped slightly in surprised shock. Fuck! How come she could be so fucking sneaky when she wanted to be?! "And who's this? Your friend~?"
Ugh. "Aunty, horny teen—I mean, Shining Armor. Shining Armor, Sunbutt Supreme," I introduced her, ignoring the looks ponies gave me for calling her such a demeaning nickname directly to her face. It was like they never even thought someone could be rude to her. Seriously, was she some unreachable figure beyond mortal comprehension or what? She was just a pony, for fuck's sake.
"So, this is the colt I have heard so much about," Aunty Celestia said, seemingly not noticing the outraged looks she got from the brownnosers following her because she did not reprimand me for my incredibly insulting comment. What a bunch of fucking losers.
...I was going to have to deal with their complaints later, wasn't I? Oh, what joy.
"Heard? Me? A-about..? You—you have?!" Shining Armor asked with an audible, nervous gulp. He almost forgot he was supposed to bow, prostrating himself before her while barely keeping the fearful whimper at bay. Ugh, this was embarrassing.
"Oh, yes," Aunty Jellysun smiled, and a sudden sense of dread overcame me. It was her 'I'm about to cause mischief' smile. She continued before I could say anything, "My nieces seem to bring you up a lot when talking about dating a colt."
Shining gave me a weird look of surprise, and I felt my tail tuck itself in unbidden while my ears splayed back. Shit. "So you aren't gay then, after all?"
Erm... what? Seriously?!
I was about to voice my irritation to the asshole when another pony beat me to it. "Shining Armor!" Said colt flinched as his mother appeared with the little bookhorse riding on her back. "That's not something you talk about in front of so many ponies!" She turned to me and gave me an apologetic look. "I'm so sorry, dear. He really doesn't know how to behave himself around the fairer sex."
"It's... okay," I said awkwardly. My misgivings were all but forgotten as my little Sparkle ran up to me after jumping down from her mother's back. I met her hoof with my own, tapped the ground once, and our little spiel continued with the other hoof as she clapped hers gently against mine, tapping the ground right after. I rolled my eyes, did the whole 'ladybug awake' thing, turned around, and shook my bum in tandem with hers. Yes, it was a silly hoofshake, but at least I got her to agree not to do the childish song that came with it—I would have taught her something different if I knew anything foal-friendly . I smiled as she gleefully hopped around me once we were done, Cady and Aunty Tia watching us with bemused smiles. "Hey, little Bookworm, how's my favorite little filly doing?"
"I'm in the castle!" she exclaimed. Then she got a little nervous, hiding behind me. "Do you think I can speak with Princess Celestia..?"
I smiled. "Why don't you ask her yourself?" With a little nudge, I shoved her in front of the big sun goose swan horse. She was the perfect distraction from the previous conversation. Hah! I was such a smart pony, wasn't I?
"Why, hello there, my little pony," Aunty Celestia said with a gentle tone of voice.
"I, uhm, I..." Twilight stammered, suddenly overwhelmed. "I like magic!" she exclaimed suddenly. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh? Nice going there, Sparkle.
"So I've heard," Aunt Jellycelly tittered, holding a hoof in front of her muzzle to hide her amused smile. "My niece tells me you want to attend my school?"
"Yes!" Twilight responded instantly, quickly warming up to the undoubtedly imposing figure my aunt must have been to her. "I want to learn everything there is! I'll become the next Starswirl and go on adventures with my BBBFF when I'm older!"
"My, how very ambitious of you," Aunty Celestia commented before leaning down to whisper conspiratorially into Twilight's ear. "Don't forget to bring along my niece. We wouldn't want to leave her behind, now would we?"
"..!" Twilight gasped, turning around to face me. "I'd never leave you behind, Princess!"
"Gee, thanks, Twilight," I snorted, grinning at the adorable ball of energy.
"You're welcome," she said, nodding like it was a typical courtesy. Cheeky little shit. "After all, Shiny is your knight in Shining Armor. He'll be sad if you aren't there."
My eyelid twitched at her blatantly trying to set me up with her brother. That sneaky little..!
"Oh?" Cadance inquired. "When do you think their wedding will be?"
Really? Not you, too!
That question seemed to have done it as the little purple, book-obsessed filly squealed in delight. "They're gonna marry?! Shiny, why didn't you tell me?!"
I groaned, rubbing my face with a hoof in exasperation while the white unicorn colt stammered like a fool. I gave Cadance the stink eye for being no better than Twilight in her intentions. What did I do to deserve this torture? Take me back to Hell, seriously.
"We're going to be sisters! Eee!" Twily celebrated, premature as it was to plan that far ahead. I would sooner castrate the colt than marry him.
However, one look at the sheer joy in her eyes made me hesitant to dash her dreams. I could let her fantasize for a while longer, couldn't I? It would be cruel of me to ruin her mood now. "Yeah... sisters," I mumbled, feeling hollow. The thought of getting together with Shining Armor was... depressing, really. It would be the same old dilemma I was stuck with for the past couple of millennia.
For once, I just wanted to be in a relationship with someone I loved. And the one pony my heart yearned for was trying to set me up with everypony but herself. On top of that, the pony she seemed to be the most dedicated to seeing me end up dating was Shining fucking Armor, of all ponies. I would sooner give Eight Bit a chance, but Shining? Why him?! The idiot blatantly pined after the pink alicorn herself; how could she not see that?
This was some weird triangle relationship drama bullshit, seriously. Someone could write a comedy sketch about this, and it wouldn't be funny! Don't get me wrong, I was relieved Cady wasn't about to lift her tail for the idiot colt, but still, that didn't mean I wanted to do so any more than she did—except for her, of course. I'd lift my tail the instant she asked...
Ahem! I mean, bad , Ishtar! No naughty thoughts of your best friend; you know where it will lead! That road led straight back to Hell because it would inevitably break her heart.
Ugh. Enough of that. I ignored my aching heart like the good little demon I was and, uh... 'enjoyed' the banquet (for what it was worth, anyway). No one said anything as I claimed the whole bowl of cherries for myself while I was forced to mingle with a fake smile on my muzzle (I had the slight suspicion that the castle hoarded all the food in Canterlot, explaining the tiny portions in most restaurants around here). Ah, the nobles... they would get what was coming for them... after I dealt with their petty complaints about being 'disrespectful' to my aunt. Joy.
Establishing the House of Commons was proving itself trickier than I first thought. Still, I could tell Aunt Jellocello was open to the idea judging by how she reacted to my few comments about the regular ponies not having enough say in political matters. It would take one Hell of a change to make it happen, though.
Most cities in Equestria followed the old principle of some lord holding the right to rule over the area because their ancestor did something smart and noble or had a high enough position in the military to be granted their own slice of land. Those with an elected mayor were few and far between, and those usually were nobles anyway because they had the money to get stuff done.
If I wanted to even the playing field, I would have to ensure the land and tax money went to the city as an entity in its own right. That way, no single pony could lay claim to the area and the ponies living there. Ponies would have to work together to decide what was better for them instead of letting one noble determine their fate for them on a local level, living comfortably off of their hard labor in the process.
Was I actively working toward reducing the power of the crown this way? Yes, that would inevitably be the end result of my plans. Still, it wouldn't change a thing about the fact that Auntia, Cadance, and I had absolute authority as the governing body. It would merely reshuffle the power structure of the House of Nobles to share their ruling power with the House of Commons, and we couldn't do things willy-nilly without forewarning, anyway. On the national scale, ponies would have the chance to send representatives to the capital to bring their needs and wants to the government's decision process, where Aunt Celestia, Cadance, and I could veto the obviously dumb ideas and make the good ones happen. It basically boiled down to the fact that the nobles weren't the only ones allowed to come up with dumb ideas anymore.
Hopefully, this reform would also change how court was done. While our aunt mainly dealt with petitioners from all over the country, other legal matters were also regularly brought up. Perhaps those could become the main focus for us. At the same time, minor grievances could be delegated to city councils so that only the crucial, critical matters reached the royal court. A sort of escalation level order in which concerns on a local level were dealt with locally . At the same time, those that were more nuanced could be passed up a level higher until they were either solved before they reached us or we had to deal with them.
Aunt Celestia had been managing everything the nobles didn't want to deal with for a very long time. Sure, she delegated what she could, but I could tell our aunt was severely overworked if she kept working in her free time. I doubted that that was going to change with a 'lighter' workload, but at least she wouldn't have to waste her time on small stuff that somepony else could've solved before it even reached the 'top level,' so to speak.
While a democracy had its ups and downs, it gave ponies a reason to get involved in improving the nation as a whole instead of taking things as they were, never once daring to ask for a change. The advantage of having a state governed by a monarchy and a complimentary, parliamentary democracy was that it minimized the bickering among the democrats since our aunt could just put her hooves down and force a decision, choosing the side that would do the most good or forgoing any arguments brought forth to make her own ruling because theirs was stupid .
I was sure it was going to be a whole lot more complicated than that, but it was a plan that sure as fuck beat the current state, at least. It was better than abolishing the monarchy altogether since Aunty Celestia cared about every pony, not just the wealthy and socially influential stuck-ups in Canterlot. Granted, the usual events around the castle might paint a picture exactly like that to those who didn't know her, but I knew better than most.
Ever since I got to know her, she had proven herself to be an incredibly kind pony who wasn't a doormat. She was able to look past a pony's status and see them for who they were, giving them the benefit of the doubt and taking no bullshit from those that would exploit her. She was the perfect ruler a nation could ask for, and I would be lucky if I could ever emulate even a small portion of that. Cadance was well on her way to becoming just like that, but my past was too much of a hindrance to my ability to be patient and kind. And that wasn't a bad thing, considering Aunty Celestia and Cady lacked the drive I had: they were happy with how things were while I wanted to shake things up. I was the counterbalance to their stagnation, and they were the offset to my radical change; only together could we bring a future worth living in.
Perhaps I should think of something to ensure this whole thing was represented equally by all pony races. Each race had different needs and deserved to be heard with no favoritism in between. It would certainly go a long way to change the image bat ponies had, and I wasn't just saying this because I looked like one.
Granted, there would always be bigoted ponies around, but to the average pony, a bit of exposure would help sow understanding where only ignorance existed before. If nothing else, it was going to dispel the fear that they would suck their blood dry like some 'vampire.'
I was honestly tempted to show them what a real vampire was like, but that would definitely break my contract to not harm innocent ponies. A real, undead vampire was nothing more than a mindless slave to their hunger, and they would go on a rampage, leaving nothing alive. As far as necromancy went, a vampire was among the vilest creations someone could bring back from the grave.
Now, that was not to be confused with vampirism as a disease . Those who were infected from surviving an encounter with a genuine vampire couldn't be cured and were nothing more than a thrall to their thirst. They might as well stand with a foot in the grave already. Killing them would be a mercy, to be honest.
Humans during my time on Earth seemed to romanticize the supernatural a lot, so much so that they forgot they were monsters who would sooner kill and eat you than be your best buddy. But that was the thing about fiction: you forgot what was real and what was made up, blurring the lines of truth and adding sparkles to it. The Earth I came from didn't have to deal with the supernatural (at least, as far as I was aware, I never returned there). However, many alternate timelines struggled to survive against the horrors lurking in the dark. Magic pony land included.
Equestria had it better than most varieties of Earth but not as good as my version. Nopony was dumb enough to even attempt necromancy here; even the most bitter recluse had enough goodness in their heart left to find the idea repulsive. Ponies were fundamentally different from humans in that regard; they instinctively shied away from dark magic, while a desperate enough human would be tempted to cross the line.
Unlike humans, though, ponies felt no shame at all about being naked, which made this world a paradise, in my opinion. Just the thought of a human ending up here made me snicker at the possible culture shock they might experience. It wasn't a totally uncommon sight to see an aroused pony struggling to keep it in their metaphorical pants.
There was a reason why I gave everyone a death glare for trying to ask Cadance out. Teenage colts didn't possess the self-control to not flash everyone their exposed junk when they let their imagination wander.
I was totally not at all jealous; that was just ridiculous. Why would I be jealous, anyway? It wasn't like I wanted to be lusted after like some slab of meat with a particularly juicy hole that would be a perfect fit for a thick, virile length of—Ngh..! Dang it.
I ignored the looks around me at the clearly flushed coloration on my muzzle, the stiff wings, and my stupid, flagging tail. I fucking swear, this thing was worse than my devil's tail in my humanoid form. Mares didn't have it much better than stallions, to be honest. Still, at least we didn't give the pony in front of us a view of our genitals. Somepony had to be more than rude to do that while it was obvious for everyone to see if a stallion was rocking a boner.
Pony body language was more nuanced between mares and stallions. An aroused mare could play off their flagging tail as happiness, while a stallion couldn't do so with their meat out on display. An erect dick out of its sheath had only one meaning; there was no talking yourself out of that one. Circumcision wasn't a thing with ponies around here.
So, yeah, I wasn't jealous of Cadance getting her fair share of stallions flashing their junk at her while they proposed their undying love for her. The image of receiving the same attention left me in no way a horny mess that everyone with working nostrils could tell got it pretty bad . Not that they needed to smell my arousal; I was shameless enough to want to give everyone a view (except Shining Armor and his sister, duh).
Lust was as much a blessing to a succubus as it was a curse. We didn't just calm down thinking unsexy thoughts; we were stuck in horny mode until we took care of our needs in a sufficiently satisfying manner. There was no waiting it out until our body calmed down on its own, and considering my centuries of conditioning in Hell to survive by sucking as many dicks as I could, it was no wonder I was perpetually horny.
At least my succubus hunger was at a manageable level, and I could ignore it indefinitely (more or less). I didn't need the madness of a starving snatch on top of all this.
I had no idea how Cadance kept her composure when she started getting aroused. She was the one getting constantly swarmed by horny teenagers, so unless she had no interest at all in carnal desires with another pony, she must have had a trick to deal with it that I didn't have. Or she just had the world's best poker face when dealing with admirers, but I seriously doubted that.
...she didn't have sex with anypony, did she? I would have noticed by now; there was no way she could hide something like that from me. Or did she masturbate as much as I did, but nopony noticed it? Or... did stallions leave her cold?
Pfft, nah. No way. A big romantic like her? As if.
She must make good use of that dildo she appropriated earlier this year; no other explanation made sense to me (or rather, I refused to believe otherwise). Or she was so incredibly innocent and pure that she could resist temptation for that long. Fuck, that must be driving her crazy, mustn't it? I knew she had used that toy constantly during our visit to Griffonia, so she must relieve herself before going to bed. She had to.
"Whatcha thinking about?" Cadance whispered in my ear, and I let out a startled whinny. God fucking damnit! I should pay more attention to what was going on around me instead of fantasizing about my best friend masturbating . Cadance grinned with mischievous satisfaction, and I let out an embarrassed grumble. I was still not used to making pony sounds, nor did I particularly plan on getting used to it anytime soon. It was fucking unbecoming of a princess such as me (cue self-ironic snort).
"Nothing," I responded, though I could tell she didn't believe me.
"Sure~," she said with a drawn-out drawl. "So you weren't thinking about jumping Shiny and riding him for all he's worth?"
"What?!" I exclaimed, momentarily disrupting the other ponies around us in their unimportant gossip. I blushed as I ducked my head, glaring at Cadance. "What the fuck, Cady? Why would I think about stuffing his stiff, pulsing, hot cock into my tight, dripping wet snatch until—" I caught myself before I could get into more detail while Cadance's grin grew more smug. I sneered. "Don't. I swear, you've got the wrong idea here! I'm not into him!"
"And yet, here you are, hot and bothered, trying to deny your attraction to him~," she teased me, an evil grin on her wicked face. Cady giggled at the miffed look I sent her. "Why are you so against it? Love is love; the heart wants what the heart wants. You can give dating a chance again, Ish. Come on! It's not that difficult. Confess your feelings already!"
"Okay, there's so much wrong with that sentence, and you know it," I shot back heatedly. "Have you already forgotten how old he is? He's still a kid, for fuck's sake!"
Cadance rolled her eyes. "Fine. I guess I won't be able to change your mind, then. I guess I'll have to chase after him myself~." My heart gave a painful, shocked pound at the evil smirk on her muzzle.
"What?!" I exclaimed... again. I ignored the irritated looks ponies were giving us and took her aside to a private corner of the ballroom. Well, as private as was possible, considering ponies were everywhere here. "Are you out of your fucking mind?!"
"So you do admit you're jealous of another mare going after him!" Cady proclaimed victoriously. "It's alright, Ish. I'm not holding it against you. I would be jealous, too, if somepony were to like the pony I like." Her expression turned kind of weird as she looked at me, but all the talk about dating and her trying to push it onto me made my anger flare as everything just... boiled over.
How could she be such a bitch?! Drive that dagger even deeper into my heart, why don't you?!
Fuck this shit. No more. I can't take any more of this. "That's enough. I've had it up to here with your dating bullshit. I'm not going to listen to another word you say. Remember that conversation we had? About why we're friends? Well, we're not anymore. I fucking hate you . Go make love to a cactus, Cadenza. I'm done with you," I growled, stomping away from her and the stupid banquet. I needed a fucking drink, find a sufficiently big enough toy, and just forget that conversation ever happened while my body complained about getting fucked by a pale imitation of the real deal. Why did she have to be so insistent?!
Seeing that the club was closed for the holiday and I couldn't bully Long Play into buying me drinks, I went to the market area. I pressured some poor schmuck into buying me a cup or two of steaming, mulled wine from the Hearth's Warming stall serving the more potent stuff.
"Ugh, I can't believe her," I grumbled, sipping from the frankly disgusting-tasting beverage. Alas, it was the only option I had for alcohol without breaking into somewhere. It had alcohol in it; that was everything I really cared about.
Why did she keep doing this to me? Was she trying to mock me? There had to be some reason why she was so insistent that I dated one of the guys. I shivered slightly and took another sip from my mug, grimacing at the taste of warm, spiced wine. I had no idea why anypony enjoyed this grotesque abomination of a drink, but hey! Ponies liked the cold weather and snow; who was I to judge them for their horrible tastes? Humans weren't better, to be honest. Everywhere was shit, seriously.
"I mean, nothing against Shining Armor and the guys, but they aren't exactly my type," I groused, taking a big gulp in frustration as I huffed up at the stars and the Mare in the Moon. What were you looking at, huh?! Don't judge me, you stupid rock! "I've made it abundantly clear I don't want to date anyone until I don't have to look like friggin' jailbait anymore, but no~! She keeps on pressuring me!"
It was almost like she wanted me to abandon my old tendencies to fuck and forget and find a genuine relationship . Eww. Big fucking yikes. I drained the cup, coughing for a moment at the burning sensation of hot liquid and alcohol running down my throat. The irritation was gone a moment later, and my body healed the minor damage. I smacked the porcelain mug down on the table and grabbed the replacement.
"Don't get me wrong, I love—loved her to bits, she is—was the best friend a de—drunk girl could have had..." I said, clearing my throat with a grunt to stop myself from saying the wrong words. I frowned, depressed. "But... I just don't want her to set me up with anypony."
Anypony who wasn't her. And even if she asked me out, I would be too afraid of messing it up (not that I didn't do plenty of that already... I think). She was the first pony in, like... forever , who I felt even remotely interested in. And she just had to be such a nice girl that I felt like an ass for liking her! I was the worst kind of gal a pony could want to date; I couldn't do that to her!
I chugged the mug with mulled wine and felt tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. Stupid, annoying pink nephilim. "I-I fucking hate her..."
"Do you, now?" Twilight Velvet asked me as she approached the table I was sitting at, shivering from the cold. She gave a gentle, kind (if slightly awkward) smile to the unicorn I bribed to keep the beverages flowing, telling him she would keep an eye on me. Then, she turned back to me. "You left so suddenly. Is everything alright?"
I pouted as she took the other refilled cup away from me. Be a buzzkill, why don't you? "I'm fine ..." I answered slightly fiercer than I intended, only to fidget uncomfortably at the expression of doubt on her face. "I mean... maybe?"
"Did you two have a fight?" Mrs. Velvet asked me, and I avoided her eyes, looking down glumly. I guessed it qualified as that, didn't it? If one wanted to call destroying friendships a 'fight.' "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I..." I hesitated, unsure if I wanted to explain what led up to the events of me storming out on Cadance in a huff. A part of me hoped Twilight Velvet would take my side and help me deal with it. "She's obsessively trying to set me up with a colt."
"I see," she hummed. She raised a brow as she curiously asked, "And you don't want that?"
"Not in the way she thinks I want to be in a relationship," I muttered, rubbing my hind legs together. I was still horny as fuck, and I had to yet search for a toy to relieve myself with (preferably one that wouldn't be able to talk and spread rumors about me having sex 'underage' with someone who wasn't).
"So, you are the type that would rather stay friends?" Mrs. Velvet stated, despite making it sound like a question. I looked up at her and saw her frown slightly.
"More like separating the friendship part from the equation and keeping the benefits from a 'relationship,'" I admitted, blushing with shame. I couldn't believe I was talking about my preferences with the one pony who was practically the mother figure I never had until now (Lilith didn't count; that bitch kept calling me by my old—Ugh, don't even think about it, Ishtar). How was this my life?
"I hope you aren't going to—" she began, but I interrupted her immediately.
"No! Fuck, no," I exclaimed, grimacing at the implication. Yikes. That would make things hella awkward, that was for sure.
Twilight Velvet smiled humorlessly. "We're still talking about my son here, Princess."
I winced. "Sorry."
"It's okay, dear," she reassured me. "I'm just glad Shiny isn't going to be some conquest to satisfy your urges. From what I've heard, you're living up to your reputation."
I snorted softly. "You don't know the half of it," I said before frowning self-consciously. "I just can't help it. My body doesn't have an off button. Trust me, I've gotten into plenty of trouble before because of it."
Mrs. Velvet hummed thoughtfully. "I can't say that I understand. Maybe it will pass once you're through the worst of puberty?"
Hah! Hell no. I couldn't explain why without opening her eyes to the horrors of the afterlife. Instead of telling her that, I purposefully kept my response as vague as possible, saying, "Maybe..." Then I glanced up at my horn. "Though I doubt it. That thing certainly wants me to be naughty, or it won't do what I want it to."
Twilight Velvet raised a brow but didn't comment further on my inability to get my unicorn horn working correctly. Some ponies had the misfortune of being tied to their cutie mark on a much deeper level than everypony else, meaning their pony magic only responded in a certain way. It would take me a lot of training to overcome that kind of barrier.
"Have you and Princess Cadance argued like that before?" she asked after a brief moment of silence. "This doesn't seem like a recent thing."
"Her trying to set me up? Yeah," I answered with a sigh. "She doesn't care that I—Well, that—" I let out a frustrated huff, struggling to word my sentence in a way that wouldn't give away that I was older than I appeared. At least Aunt Celestia hadn't insisted that we look like preschool fillies back when she took us in. I wouldn't have survived pretending to be that young. "I want to wait until I'm an adult before even thinking of, uh... doing it with anypony. Teenagers are just... dumb and impulsive. At least I can pretend an adult knows what they're getting into." Not that those were any less dumb and impulsive at times. I wasn't the best role model in that regard, either.
"You value maturity," Mrs. Velvet said, nodding approvingly. "I'm sure Princess Cadance will come to understand your kind of 'love' is—Oh, what was the word for it—polyamorous?"
"I think you meant casual," I commented, shrugging. "But I guess you've got a point. I don't want to be locked into a single relationship forever. It's just... romantically? I've been burned pretty badly before. I still haven't forgiven my aff of an ex for putting me through what he did, and, well... there's too much baggage holding me back from giving it another try." Being punished with Hell did that to you. Romance had been dead to me ever since, making it all the harder to open up to it again. Cadance wasn't exactly making it easy for me to do so, either.
I just wanted to make my own relationship choices, damnit.
"I know I have mentioned it before, but have you considered speaking to a therapist yet?" Twilight Velvet asked me, her voice gentle and kind, free of judgment. "There seems to be a lot of hurt you never dealt with healthily."
I scowled slightly while my stiff, freezing wings tensed against my sides. Right, that . I meant to do it, but who could I trust to not go around revealing my secrets because I was a demon? I was pretty sure most ponies would scream bloody murder, patient confidentiality be damned.
"You don't have to if you really don't want to speak to somepony about it, but I think it would help you tremendously," she said, a beseeching gaze in her light blue eyes. "I'd hate to see you suffer from whatever happened in your past because it keeps weighing so heavily on you."
I sighed. "I'll ask Aunty Tia about it," I promised, mentally crossing my nonexistent fingers. It depended entirely on whether or not they would believe me, and that wasn't a chance I wanted to risk. But... "Maybe she knows a trustworthy pony that would listen to my fucked up story and help me work through the trauma without sending me to an asylum." As unlikely as that would be.
Mrs. Velvet blinked, horrified. "Surely you're exaggerating? Oh, you poor thing, what happened to you? "
I wilted, avoiding her eyes as my ears splayed back. Fuck. Me and my dumb mouth getting away from me. I blamed the alcohol. "You really don't want to know."
"..." Mrs. Velvet stayed silent for a moment, a sad frown on her muzzle, and I could practically feel the pity radiating off her. Ugh, this was the reason why I didn't like talking about depressing shit. Everyone acted all weird and heartbroken, which, in turn, made me feel bad. It was easier to ignore everything back in Hell because nobody gave a shit. Here, people—ponies , I mean—actually cared and weren't bastards about it (generally speaking, at least).
"Don't," I muttered halfheartedly. "Just stop it already. Fuck, you're awful when you look like that. I swear, every damn time."
"...what?" Mrs. Velvet asked, puzzled.
"The pity, for fuck's sake," I grumbled, glaring moodily at her. "It's horrible seeing you so sad and sorrowful, as if someone just murdered a puppy in front of you."
"That's really morbid of you, dear."
"It's true, though," I shrugged gloomily. "Everypony is super expressive; it's like you're trying to guilt-trip me with your damn eyes."
"I'm sorry?" she responded unsurely. I snorted. Figured she wasn't doing it on purpose, too. Disgusting. "I'm not trying to force you into anything, I promise. It's just... hard to hear and imagine what you must've gone through. Of course, I'm concerned. You're like a daughter to me; I want what's best for you."
"Thanks," I mumbled, feeling a sickeningly happy flutter race through my body. God fucking damnit. It felt like I was an attention-starved kid, soaking up any familial affection directed toward me like a dry sponge. I hated it.
"Now, come on, it's getting late, and I'm sure you must be cold," Mrs. Velvet said, standing up. I did, as well, only wobbling slightly from the stiffness in my legs. She was correct; my royal regalia didn't lend itself to keeping me warm, and the heat of the mulled wine had long since faded after I had gotten no more refills. I should get back and face the music for most likely having worried Cadance with my temper tantrum.
I hoped she would forgive me for my outburst. I... I didn't actually mean it. I was just so... angry and frustrated. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. I was so looking forward to this holiday being over, seriously. Fuck Hearth's Warming.
I groaned the following morning as I felt a pair of hooves shake me insistently—so much for sleeping in on our free days. I opened my eyes a crack wide open and immediately closed them again as I caught sight of the grinning, pink nephilim. Ugh. I shouldn't have apologized to her. I really shouldn't have apologized to her. Was it too late to take it back? I wanted to take it back. "Leave me alone."
"Aww! Come on, Ish!" Cadance whined, and I grumbled balefully at her. I was already reconsidering my stance on our friendship... again. And yet, one look at the pink nuisance made me hesitate. Her hair was done in a pretty braid while her wings were extended in barely restrained anticipation. Why must she be so friggin' cute? It was not fair, damn it. I couldn't stay mad at her, and I hated it. "It's Gift Exchange Day!"
I snorted. "That's what you call Boxing Day here? That's a dumb name."
"Shut up and stop being such a sourpuss, Pleasure," she huffed, frowning at me. "Just have some fun, please? It's all about spending time with your loved ones, hugging your special somepony tight,"—she squeezed me as if to prove her point, making me blush imperceptibly—" and being merry. It's called Gift Exchange Day to show how much you appreciate everypony in your life, you know?"
I huffed, exasperated. "Okay, fine!" I grumbled. "Just... let me get ready first, for fuck's sake. Why do you have to wake me up so early every damn time?!"
"Because you wouldn't want to miss breakfast~!" she sing-songed, hopping down from my bed with a skip in her step.
I felt my eyelid twitch. "Don't forget to change to your visage!" I called after her as she left. I slumped back down on my pillow with my head and let out a tired groan. A glance at my alarm clock read sixteen minutes past seven a.m. in glowing red numbers. I yawned. It was way too fucking early.
I sighed. I should get out of bed before the pink nuisance came back and personally dragged me to the breakfast table.
One fight with my comb later, I looked less like a hair dryer exploded in my face and more like my usual dark and sinister, sinfully sexy self. Too bad I had to ruin it by turning into my sixteen-year-old teenage self, taking my impressive, curly ram horns and exchanging them for my lame unicorn horn. With any luck, it would grow half as long as Aunty Celestia's spear. It looked woefully small as of right now.
I glanced at my regalia and fidgeted. Surely, I could go without today, right? And yet, I still wanted to wear something . Hmm... what to do, what to do...
Instead of donning the metal shoes, the chest piece, and the tiara, I searched through my drawers until I found the black ballerinas I wore for my coronation and a lace choker. Perfect. A quick application of eyeliner and mascara made me look nice and presentable, a far cry from the bleary-eyed zombie I was before. Lastly, I put on a simple, little black dress. How's that for festive and merry? It was a bit over the top, but at least I oozed sex appeal.
"Looking nice~," Cadance hummed as soon as I left my suite. I almost stumbled as she bumped into me. I couldn't help but feel like she was a bit too affectionate, even with the holiday cheer making her insufferably happy.
"Okay, I'll bite," I said, frowning cautiously. "What's up with you?"
Cady let out a fake gasp, hugging me with a multi-colored, feathery wing. "What? Can't I walk with my best friend and favorite pony in the whole world to breakfast?"
I squirmed slightly at the close contact, my heart racing in nervousness. Fuck, she really wasn't making it easy for me to keep my resolve of not screwing everything up by adding feelings into our relationship that shouldn't be there.
My gaze turned skeptical as I glanced at her sideways. "Uh-huh."
"Okay, look, I... I'm sorry about pushing you so much to give dating a chance again," she said, ears drooping while her expression wandered downward. "It's just... a bad habit of mine, I guess. When I—Well..." I watched as she bit her lips, wondering why she was struggling. "When I see somepony I like, I get this urge to set them up with somepony that would be good for them. And you could really use somepony to love. I'm sorry if that's not something you want or are ready for. I've been a bad friend to you, Ish. Can you forgive me?"
I simultaneously felt like a weight lifted from my heart, and a cold feeling of rejection settled over me. Evidently, she didn't mean it in a 'like' like way, but in an 'I'm your friend, I want you to be with someone you love except for me' way. I forced myself to smile, hoping I didn't appear too awkward or sad. "It's okay, Cady. Water under the bridge," I said, even though I felt numb and far from fine. A demon didn't deserve love, anyway. It was for the best. What was I even thinking, indulging this silly crush for as long as I had?
Cadance seemed to accept my forgiveness for what it appeared to be: genuine and totally not heartbroken.
I guessed we were even now. It probably was for the best that we just stayed friends. She deserved better, anyway.
As we neared the dining room, we heard what could only be Sunset having a fight with Auntlestia. It sounded incredibly heated, and I was unsure whether or not it was wiser to skip out on Aunt Tia's cooking rather than get involved in whatever drama was unfolding between them. Luckily, we didn't have to choose as the doors were blasted open by an angry, amber unicorn with a fiery mane and tail. We quickly hid behind a pillar before either of them could notice us standing in the hallways.
"Sunset Shimmer Sol! Get back here. Right. This. Instant!" Aunty Sunnybum shouted after her, and I could practically feel the heat of her fury against my coat. "This conversation isn't over, young lady!"
"Go take your haughty 'holier-than-thou' attitude and shove it somewhere where the sun doesn't shine, you stupid old hag!" Sunset shot back, just as furious. "You're denying me what is rightfully mine! You're denying me my own destiny !"
"With an attitude like that, you don't deserve your 'destiny'!" Aunty Celestia called after her, and Cady and I ducked further behind the pillar to avoid being seen by either of them. This was beyond the usual arguments we witnessed occasionally, and it seemed neither of them could get over their bullheadedness and talk things out constructively.
"Oh, so you just give two random, featherbrained hussies the right to stand as your equal, but when the mirror shows me having a pair of wings and power beyond mortal comprehension, you suddenly try everything in your power to hinder me from reaching my full potential!"
"That is not what I am doing!" Aunty Cellyjelly responded, stomping her hoof in anger. I held Cady close, suddenly nervous that the sun goddess with incomprehensible power would lose control of her strength and cause a disaster. Thankfully, the minor earthquake made our aunt realize she let her nerves get the better of her. "Please, Sunset. I am trying to steer you away from the wrong path. I want you to succeed, but what you're asking of me is impossible. There is no quick and easy way to achieve ascension. Defying my teachings won't lead you there."
"Defying your teachings?!" Sunset growled, anger burning as hot as it did when we stumbled upon their argument. "Is that the only way to gain wings?! Play by your rules or not at all?! What did they do, huh? Tell me so I can do it better and prove to you I deserve my own destiny!"
"I can't," Aunt Celestia admitted, sounding defeated. I chanced a peek out from our hiding spot and saw her standing there with tears in her eyes. She looked so frail at that moment; my anger started to rise at how Sunset treated the pony who was, for all intents and purposes, her mother. How dare she ..?!
"You know what? Don't talk to me unless you want to tell me how to become an alicorn. Go and be a happy family with the pink bitch and the whore. I thought you loved me."
I snarled to myself, about to go show that stupid bully who the bitch here was, but this time, Cadance held me back from exposing ourselves. Fuck the truce and fuck showing pity to Sunbutt Junior; she needed to learn a lesson in humility, damnit!
"Ish!" Cady hissed in my ear, but I wasn't in the mood to listen to her. "Stop it! Now is not the time!"
"And when is it, huh?!" I sneered back, straining against her restrictive hold. "Let go of me so I can tear into her for calling you a—"
"No, Ish!" she told me, her voice firm. "I thought you didn't want to get involved! I can take a petty insult or two; don't take your anger out on her! This is a fragile enough situation without you antagonizing her!"
"Antagonizing? Antagonizing ?! This is retribution for all that she has put you through! For all that she has put Aunty Sunnybum through! She needs to get off her high horse and—"
"I know!" Cady interrupted me, switching her efforts of keeping me away from them into a soft hug instead. I was helpless against her affections and deflated into her embrace. Fuck. This girl, I swear. I just couldn't stay angry when I was around her. "I know, Ish. But just like Sunbutt can't turn her into an alicorn, we can't risk making it even worse between them. I want to see them get along, too, believe me, but this is the wrong approach."
I sighed, nodding my head reluctantly. She wasn't wrong, but it still irked me to no end. I snorted softly. "I never thought I would hear you call her anything other than Aunty. Sunbutt? Really? That was the second time now, wasn't it? Have I been rubbing off on you~?"
"Yes, well..." Cadance began, blushing slightly. "She can be a real butt sometimes. I don't think spelling it out to them would be enough to get them to admit they're mother and daughter to each other."
I slumped further into her embrace and guiltily breathed in her scent with another sigh. The scent of roses intoxicated me. "Yeah..." I agreed. At least I could enjoy moments like these and forget the rest of the world. What did it matter if she didn't feel the same way I did? I could still admire her and bask in any affection I could get away with. It was in no way creepy at all. Nope.
"Comfy?" my best friend asked me, prompting me to say 'Yes' before my brain caught up with my mouth, and I blushed, mortified. Cadance only smiled beautifully back at me, causing me to feel a painful yearning to kiss her lips. Fuck. If only... "Come on, I think the coast is clear."
I suppressed the sadness welling up within me and followed after her. For obvious reasons, Aunty Celestia wasn't at the breakfast table as we entered, which left us alone since Blueblood avoided running into us as much as Sunset tried to. I eyed the happy smiley face on top of the pancakes, lamenting that we could've had a nice morning together with our aunt if Sunset hadn't ruined it.
"...do you think a therapist might help?" I asked, wondering out loud.
"For Sunset?" Cadance hummed. "I think the better question would be if she would even agree to see one. The chances of her listening to us or Aunty are slim, so... unless she feels the need to speak to one herself, I don't think it's going to happen."
I nodded silently to myself, knowing how true those words were. I still had to work up the determination to go see one myself. I felt way too defensive when Mrs. Velvet brought it up the first time, but I knew she had a point. I really needed it, more so than Sunset, probably. Unlike Sunset, I couldn't just go to any therapist and talk about my issues. That wouldn't go over well.
"So... since you aren't touching your food, how about you open this instead?" Cadance said, placing a little wrapped package in front of me. I raised a brow and reached out to slip the decorative golden bow off. The paper wrapping was ripped away a second later, and I stared at the velvety jewelry box in my grasp. Seriously? "Go on!" my friend encouraged me, a knowing smile on her muzzle.
"Cady, you know I'm not the kind of pony for this stuff, right?" I pointed out, hesitating at the lid.
Cadance snorted. "Says the pony currently wearing a lace choker around her throat."
"That's... different," I defended myself, blushing slightly. It looked edgy and fit into the Gothic princess style I've got going on for myself. Whatever jewelry Cadance got for me, it probably wouldn't fit with my image.
"Hmm... I doubt it," she said, shaking her head good-naturedly. "Come on! Open it. I promise you'll like it."
I rolled my eyes, doing as I was told. If Cadance was so insistent on getting disappointed by my reaction, then that was her problem. After pulling it open, I glanced down and stared at the content inside. "I... what?"
"I saw how you looked at them, so I thought I'd get them for you. Do you like it now?" she asked, a mischievous grin on her muzzle.
"Cadance, I... I love you," I blurted out, grabbing her in a happy hug and squeezing the life out of her for all that she was worth.
"Okay, okay!" she giggled, patting my back while I showered her with gratitude and affection. "We will have to get your ears pierced, but Aunty assured me it would be no problem."
I grinned, studying the piercings with eager eyes. As soon as I had the holes for them, I would never take them out.
"I see some ponies are already unwrapping their gifts," Auntia said as she re-entered the little private dining room. She smiled softly. "I'm sorry for being late, my dear nieces. Something important came to my attention, and I had to take care of it. Politics, am I right?"
Cadance and I saw the remnants of her puffy eyes, the less-than-perfect eyeliner, and the fake smile. And while Cady looked at her with pity and empathy, I felt my wings and jaw tighten. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful for her forgiving nature and all that but damn her forgiving nature . If it were up to me, I would have kicked Sunset out of the castle after what she accused her of doing, but no, Aunty Sunnybum just had to have a heart, for fuck's sake.
It was becoming abundantly clear to me that Auntia's and Sunset's relationship turned more and more abusive on Sunset's part. The girl was basically blackmailing her surrogate mother into getting what she wanted, while Auntlestia was too much of a coward to admit Sunset was her daughter in all but blood. She was too afraid to discipline her because she feared their strained relationship might fall apart even further. Thus, she let the bitch walk all over her.
Fuck this stupid drama. I was so tired of this bullshit, but what was I supposed to do? Sit back and let the fireworks fly? Before arriving in Equestria, I probably would have done that. Heck, I still would, were it not for her being the pony I genuinely saw as my aunt. So... what was I going to do about it? Obviously, antagonizing Sunset was out of the question. Try to be her friend and get her to calm the fuck down? Yeah, no. Even if we tried that, it would backfire on us immediately because Sunset was just that big of a jealous bitch.
Well, there was an option, but whether or not it would work was another matter entirely. I had to get them into one room, prevent them from leaving prematurely, and hold a fucking intervention . Preferably with a goddamn therapist present. The only real problem was Sunset's magic. If I could somehow suppress that, everything would be good to go. I doubted Aunty Celestia, of all ponies, would escalate the fight on purpose or leave, so sedating or temporarily paralyzing Sunset was going to be my best bet. Or severing her horn, but I was pretty sure that would end with me back in Hell. Not to mention, Aunty Sunnybum wouldn't like me mutilating her surrogate daughter.
So much for happy holidays. Yay.
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Chapter 015 - Hearth's Warming Cheer, Part Three.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter 016 - Suddenly, a big ass dragon!
New Year's passed, and Cadance and I watched another movie in the theater about some old guy trying to commit suicide that was heart-wrenchingly sweet and bitter and so fucking sad ; I cried real tears by the end of it because he got his will to live back only to die of old age, anyway. Thank God the theater was dark enough for nopony to take notice of it, seriously.
Let's see, what else happened..? The guys and I (as well as Twilight) played another Ogres and Oubliettes campaign, Shining was still a dumb idiot, and Aunt Celestia adopted Sunset because it turned out her birth parents were criminals on the run from the law stealing priceless art and jewelry wherever they went. Oh, and Eight Bit asked me out, to which I said no.
All in all, the winter was crap. I was glad Winter Wrap-Up was a thing, and ponies started cleaning up the white stuff within a day or so. It was weird, 'nough said.
That said, Aunt Celestia sucked at being a parent since she still let Sunset walk all over her and bully us. Speaking of bullying, Sunset got into a hissy fit over me destroying her precious research, giving me a black eye for my troubles and a warning that she was onto me and I better watch where I go, yadda yadda yadda. As far as threats went, I wasn't very concerned because she still seemed clueless about Cady's and my true nature.
Truly, I was lucky to have her as my cousin. Yay. Woohoo. Great...
Anyway! I introduced Cadance to Long Play after she kept asking me who gave me that bottle of high-percentage alcohol and where she could get more. She hit it off well enough with the musician to consider joining me occasionally on a night out. It didn't take a genius to see that LP knew I had the hots for my best friend, and he sucked at being my wingman, seriously.
I spent a couple of hours each night contemplating life and my lot in it, brooding silently on my balcony like the lonely, edgy bat that I was. How unlucky could one pony be? I must have had the worst luck with my love life; it wasn't even funny. Either Cadance was really that blind to my advances, or she simply wasn't interested in me despite the way she kept 'teasing' me. Was I the oblivious one here, or did she not recognize what she was doing to me? Ugh, she was just the worst.
As far as Christmas presents went, the guys were more or less appreciative of what they got from me (hence why I turned down Eight Bit and called Shining Armor an idiot). Aunty Celestia actually wore the fetlet thing in private, and I got my ears pierced to show off the jewelry Cadance got for me. Twilight was over the moon at receiving a signed copy of Starswirl's Beginners Guide to Magic from me (and Aunt Jellysun, technically).
The less said about the gifts I received from the guys, the better. At least Twilight meant well, with her choice of present being a book on how to channel magic illustrated in highly complex diagrams and medical mumbo jumbo. At least she didn't do the condescending thing and gift me a children's book like Sunset did . Did I mention she was the most fantastic cousin ever? Because she was... not.
School was a minor inconvenience leading up to the spring months. Computer sciences was annoying as Hell; nothing new there, but Eight Bit and Shining Armor made it worse by constantly wanting to help me while the rest of the class got things done, and I kept struggling to find the damn fucking shit ass mistakes I made. It was my worst class by far, and I barely got a passing grade. Maybe I was not cut out for it. It was not like I was putting in any real effort to learn software development, anyway.
Meanwhile, I was getting surprisingly good at arts and crafts; even sculpting with clay was getting laughably easy once I got the hang of levitation magic. Speaking of magic, causing mischief and mayhem by turning ponies horny did give me a considerable boost in control over my horn. The book Twilight gave me also kind of alleviated my fear of frying my brain since the magic pathways of a unicorn horn were mostly unidirectional, which gave a certain protection against the wrong type of feedback but still allowed the practitioner to cast spells messing with their own heads if they wanted to (for whatever reason).
Basically, even if I broke off my horn, I would be relatively safe from blowing my head off. That didn't mean it couldn't happen, but I would have to be incredibly dumb to manage that. And since the really fun stuff required stupidly powerful magic control, I was probably better off keeping to the basics instead of doing something like time travel or advanced gravity magic... or anything that defied the natural order of the universe, honestly.
Just because I couldn't accidentally fry my own brain from using too much magic didn't mean something else could go horribly wrong. I liked my head where it was, thank you very much. Thankfully, a unicorn's magic toothpick was pretty sturdy, so even intentionally trying to make it explode required some terrible luck (which I was cursed with an abundance of, apparently). The only way to reliably break a unicorn's horn was by physically removing it through force.
So..! I guessed I would stick with turning ponies horny and making stuff float. That and shield spells shouldn't be too hard to master, right? Everything else depended mostly on the situation. Well... I could learn to wield a weapon. It probably was high time I got around to doing that instead of constantly being on the receiving end of those. Maybe a whip to round out the sexy succubus package. Or a halberd as the cowardly option of staying out of range from anyone wanting to murder me. Not that I thought I would need it since ponies didn't tend to be the stabby kind. Or I go with the badass tomb raider style wielding a pair of guns... if I figure out how to make them. Hmm...
Back when Aunty Celestia took us in, she mentioned we would start combat training as soon as we felt ready, magic-wise. After all, we had to be capable of defending our nation in the worst-case scenario. So, I took that as my cue to start working out myself. I might as well get the military training out of the way as soon as possible, right? Right.
I always wanted to become a super secret, sexy spy assassin. Eh heh heh heh...
Anyway! Outside of the usual school drama, nothing much happened in the few months until our anniversary of being princesses came around, and with that, Twilight's entrance exam. Thankfully, it coincided with our springtime break, so I snuck into the classroom to observe the proceedings. It was a big enough deal for the professors to require all the time they could get to grade all the new students hoping to get a place in Aunt Jellosun's school, so it was held during the break. Foals from all over Equestria were invited, and there were a lot of them.
Obviously, I tried not to draw too much attention. Still, a pair of princesses put a lot of pressure on the examiners and the hopeful students. According to the professors, it was perfectly fine since a pair of friendly faces might offset the stern, grouchy expressions they usually put on, anyway. I thought it was a bit over the top, so I did the only logical thing to ease the atmosphere for the little fillies and colts: I drew a funny beard on my muzzle with a black marker and pressured Cadance into doing the same. My time as a foalsitter taught me a thing or two about making a pony laugh, embarrassing as it was.
Ahh... the things I was willing to do for the tiny bookhorse, I swear.
Despite my unorthodox methods, it worked well enough that Cadance didn't tease me for having a heart or something. It also helped that I looked like a silly villain with a curly mustache and goatee, so I rounded out the set and drew a monocle around my right eye (thankfully, the marker I used washed off easily, or I wouldn't have been caught dead doing this). What could I say? I had a heart for little children; I was allowed to take pity on them. Or something like that. Being nice and shit was still new for me, okay?
At least no one took any photos of us while we looked like this, so my tough girl image was still (more or less) intact. I could have cared less what little foals thought of me. Cadance found it adorable, which was a win in my book.
I wasn't really doing myself any favors here trying to make excuses for being a 'big softie' at heart, as Cadance put it. Who gave a fuck, anyway? There was nothing wrong with having a soft spot or two. I was still a badass batpony succubus at the end of the day.
...okay, yes, I had no excuses whatsoever for acting a bit silly in front of a bunch of snot-nosed brats, but at least I got a few giggles out of it. As long as Twilight was less nervous, I could deal with it and totally not regret it later. Definitely.
Ahem! Anyway... moving on. A few ponies among the students taking the advanced entrance exam stood out to me: a mint-green filly called Lyra who was very talkative and more interested in grilling the professors for information than actually trying to hatch the egg for the test. The filly after her was named Moondancer, and she shyly waved up at us. She was quick to admit defeat as soon as she saw the dragon egg (while also rightfully calling out the professors for it being impossible to do—while explaining in detail how it could be theoretically done by a pony as powerful as Aunty Jellybean). The next would-be student was a light blue unicorn filly who was similarly talkative to the mint-green one with a perpetual smile on her muzzle. The pair that followed Minuette already seemed to be friends before they had applied for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, called Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts. At least with those two, I could be confident they wouldn't cause trouble for the professors once school started.
Twilight was the last one to go through the advanced test that day, and she immediately spotted me sitting next to Cadance. "P-Princess?! You are grading the exam, too?!"
I snorted. "No," I responded dryly. "I'm just here looking like a silly goose—Don't say anything, Cady—so you have at least one friendly face sitting up here."
"You don't look like a goose," Twilight deadpanned, and I smirked in amusement, glancing at Cadance pointedly. Cady rolled her eyes good-naturedly, groaning in mock exasperation.
"I'm never going to live that down, am I?" my best pink friend grumbled, giving me the stink eye. "I make one comment about necks and hugging, I swear."
"Yes, well, we don't have all day," one of the professors interjected. "If you would, please, Miss Sparkle."
"R-right," Twilight stammered, nervous. Cadance made a slow-breathing gesture next to me, motivating Twily to take it easy and gather her thoughts without letting her panic get the better of her. The filly took a deep breath and faced the dragon egg, uncertain. "I'm supposed to hatch it, correct?"
"Yes, that is why you are here. You want to attend this school, do you not?" the same professor remarked, brow raised expectantly.
"I-I do, sir, uh... Professor," Twilight responded, blushing uncomfortably. "I have just one question."
The professor frowned, impatient. "Ask away."
Twily looked at the profs with a deadpan expression. "Is that egg even fertilized?"
"You will find out if you try hatching it, young filly," Mister Grouchy Potato told her as he scowled. The stupid ass could have been kinder, seriously.
"Would Starswirl the Bearded's accelerated growth spell work on it?" Twilight asked, ears splaying back nervously. "I read that dragon eggs are highly magic resistant; it would take—"
Twilight didn't get to finish that sentence as all Hell suddenly broke loose, a loud explosion rattling our bones as everypony's hair tingled with potent magic. Thankfully, I had enough control over my magic to not surge in response to the overload being forced on me. The same couldn't be said about Twilight, though.
Nerves, coupled with stress and being unused to such a high amount of magic in her tiny body, caused Twilight to vent the excess the only way she knew how at the unexpected scare: through her horn.
"Ahh!" she cried out, and I gasped in terror as the tiny, little bookhorse exploded in a feedback loop of trying to vent and unwillingly taking in even more, unable to block the flow of magical energies passing through her body.
"Shit! Hang on, Twilight!" I called out to her, already on my way to aid her in her time of need. I could care less about getting hurt myself, but that filly needed help yesterday . Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed that the professors and her parents didn't fare quite so well against the onslaught of random spells she flung around like it was nothing, barely wasting a second of thought on what her frantic mind came up with to waste the excess in the fastest way possible.
Twilight's parents ended up being turned into potted house plants before I reached her, and... the egg suddenly decided to not be an egg anymore, quickly growing into a giant big-ass baby dragon.
I blanched in fear as it shot through the roof with its head while I... I was not ashamed to say I didn't make it, as the small, purple pony transformed me into an actual bat.
Now, Bat-Me still fluttered around in a frantic panic. Part of that was due to confusion, disorientation, and simply not having the cognitive brain power to know what the Hell was going on . It was already over before I knew it, and I was back to normal, blinking in a stunned stupor. What the actual fuck just happened?
"Princess!" Twilight exclaimed while practically jumping at me, slamming into me with all her considerable cute weight, bowling me over.
"Oof!" I groaned before hugging her with a relieved sigh, elated that she was okay. "Never do that again, you little troublemaker."
"I'm sorry for turning you into a bat, Princess," Twilight apologized, causing me to chuckle while Cadance came over to us to check on me. I noticed that the big-ass dragon wasn't big anymore, and Aunt Celestia stood next to us with a gentle smile.
"It's okay, I—" I began, only to clutch my head in pain due to the headache running rampant in my—I blinked in confusion, suddenly feeling afraid. I wasn't holding Twilight anymore while I stood somewhere where I didn't just a moment ago. What the fuck? I... this wasn't right, I was just on my back, so how..?
"Princess?" Twilight asked me hesitantly, coming over to me. I jumped slightly. What was going on..? "Is everything okay? I really didn't mean to, I swear!"
"I... I know," I whispered, patting her head while desperately trying to remember how we got separated in the first place and why I was standing here like Twilight never tackled me. I couldn't even feel the remnants of the impression Twilight's body had on mine from the impact anymore. My eyes wandered over to Aunt Celestia, and I gulped, my muzzle pale in fright. "A-Aunty? Something just happened, and I can't remember what ."
"I... don't know, either," Cadance mumbled, afraid.
Our aunt frowned, nudging my head this way and that, watching my eyes intently. "This is... troubling," she muttered, motioning for Cadance to approach her next. She repeated the same process, studying Cady's eyes while scanning her with her golden horn magic. "Very troubling, I fear."
"Why? What's wrong, Princess? Was it something I did?" Twilight asked, tears in her eyes at the thought of disappointing her—Ow! Fuck, I... I shook my head, rubbing my temples. It was like my synapses just fried themselves trying to access something that wasn't there.
"It appears there are several hours' worth of missing memories in our lives," Aunt Celestia mentioned, a puzzled expression on her face. "And not just that. For some reason, I was the one that erased them."
I gaped up at her. "Wait, what? Seriously? Why?!"
Aunt Jellycelly nodded, a remorseful gaze in her magenta orbs. "I'm afraid so, my dear niece," she said, apologetically stroking the side of my head. "I must have been more thorough with you and Cadance to ensure the memories couldn't resurface. Whatever happened, I must have been certain we couldn't be allowed to remember."
Cadance sputtered in disbelief. "So you just took our memories?!" my best friend asked in a betrayed tone. "What could warrant such a thing?!"
"The only thing nopony could possibly be allowed to know: our own futures," Aunt Sunnyjam answered in a grave tone. I bit my lip, knowing she had a point, but I could tell Cadance didn't quite believe her. "Normally, I would just seal them until the event in question has passed, but you two are special. Even if I only sealed them for you, there would be no guarantee that you wouldn't accidentally uncover them. I know this is hard to swallow, but you know I wouldn't do this without your permission. Your trust is more important to me than anything else, believe me. I hope you can still say the same about me."
Cadance sighed in aggravation. "You know, I get where Sunset is coming from: you have a funny way of saying, 'I love you, please don't hate me because I made a mistake.'"
Aunt Jellocello smiled humorlessly. "I do, don't I?" she lamented, a deep hurt in her eyes. I wondered what that was about. Maybe it was connected to why her door reeked of self-loathing in the Dream Realm? I was unsure whether or not it was a wise idea to go poking around in that centuries-old hurt, to be honest. It seemed to me like she was having a hard enough time with it already; doing that would be like adding salt to the wound by dredging up all kinds of bad memories.
"For what it is worth, I don't hold it against you, Aunty," I said, trying to smile in an understanding way, although I only managed to appear sad in the end.
"Thank you, dear," she said, humming in appreciation. She didn't look much better, though, regretting the choice she had forgotten she was forced to make. If she really wouldn't do this without our permission, we must have agreed to it out of our own free will. I couldn't imagine what it must have been like for her, not wanting to but needing to make the choice. Whatever happened must have been significant enough that we couldn't risk changing it by knowing about it.
We turned to see Cadance fidget awkwardly before hugging the big sun goose swan horse. "Fine. I forgive you, too, even though I think you could have left us with a bit of a warning that we would lose a chunk of our memories, you know."
"I probably did," Aunty reminded her, kissing her temple before letting go of her, smiling ruefully. "I'm not that precise when it comes to mind magic; I don't make it a habit to mess with ponies' memories. It doesn't happen often that I come across future knowledge of myself and those around me. Even less so for something that could be considered dangerous knowledge." It sounded like there was a story there, but I doubted she would be willing to tell it. Still, if it ever happened again...
"Maybe let us write something down the next time it happens to explain the situation?" I proposed with a shrug.
"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Aunty Tia said, shaking her head in contrition. Then she turned to face Twilight with a genuine, if subdued, smile on her muzzle. "Now, as for you, my little pony," she said. "As my personal protégé, I expect you to take your studies seriously. I will oversee your progress and guide you wherever necessary, and when I tell you to study a certain subject—or wait —I want you to respect that decision. Is that understood?"
"I'll do my best, Princess!" Twilight nodded with excited enthusiasm. It was then that I noticed a change in Twily's appearance with a modicum of surprise: she had gained her cutie mark.
"Oh. My. Gosh, Twilight," I said in a faux startled voice, holding a hoof in front of my muzzle in shock. "Don't be alarmed now, but there's something right there behind you. No! No! Don't turn around now!"
"What? What is it?!" she asked me, afraid.
I smirked mischievously. "It's your cutie mark. You know what that means, right?"
"Oh..." the little bookhorse slumped in relief, not at all surprised by the presence of the six-pointed star and the smaller ones around it. "Did you already forget I got it? Oh, wait, you did ."
I pouted, holding a hoof to my heart. "Ow! You wound me, Sparklebutt."
She deadpanned back at me, "No, I didn't."
I chuckled. "Don't change, Twilight. Don't change," I said, patting her head, much to the amusement of everypony else. "Prepare for an epic butt mark party, Purple Smart. You've earned it."
"It's not a butt mark!" Twily blushed, causing me to stick my tongue out at her in a teasing way.
"Yeah, Ish," Cadance joined in, clopping her hoof against Twilight's in a mutual agreement to team up against me. "Don't say such rude things, or I'll tell her how you got your 'butt mark.'"
"Don't you f—fluffing dare, Cady!"
Aunt Celestia tittered at the interaction between us before gently nudging the filly away from us. "I think that is enough excitement for one day, don't you think?" she remarked. "Come, my little pony. There are still a few things we need to settle with your parents. Among them, the question of where to put the baby dragon you hatched."
I blinked, turning my head to the spot where the big-ass dragon was, reminded that it was small and tiny again and very much alive and in need of parents (and fire-proof diapers, for that matter). Oh, fuck. My job as a foalsitter just got a lot more complicated, didn't it? Great. Just perfect.
Was it too late to tell Mrs. Velvet she should ask Cadance instead? Yes? Oof.
And that was how I got roped into helping deal with the sudden sibling Twilight carelessly brought into the world. Mrs. Velvet and Mr. Night Light were more than happy to take in the fire-breathing lizard. Shining let me know what he thought of having a little, wailing baby brother: tired glares and falling asleep in class from a lack of sleep.
I took pity on the guy and started giving him pleasant dreams as compensation whenever possible (not the wet and sexy kind; I was not that nice). He dealt with it admirably well, though. Having an additional sibling to protect and be a role model for, he took his training to become a royal guard a lot more seriously and put on some noticeable muscles that were... mildly distracting.
I really was cursed with the worst kind of luck. On one hoof, my body craved the touch of a stallion rutting me senseless. On the other hoof, my heart pined after the only mare that didn't reciprocate the same feelings I held for her. And Shining's scent, fuck my life , why did he have to smell like pure, unadulterated, primal power?! How was that remotely fair?! God fucking damnit. I was simultaneously aroused and near ready to barf whenever the dumb nerd jock refused to shower after his latest workout session because he was too prideful about his 'manliness.'
Aside from my struggles of not thinking sexy thoughts about a particular stallion, the day Sunset found out about Twilight also being Aunty's personal student was decidedly not fun. Sunset basically started throwing stuff at her mother, accusing her of replacing her and whatnot, to which Aunty Jellycelly responded by sending her up to her room to stew in her anger with no pancakes for a whole month (the worst punishment imaginable). She also revoked her access to the restricted section of the library and banned her from working in the lab (or rather, the mirror that stood there).
It was the usual drama in and around the castle. Cady and I spent most of our free time outside of the toxic atmosphere permeating our home, either at school or with our friends. Whenever we could get away with it, we snuck out at night to hang out with Long Play and his friends, partying our worries away with plenty of alcohol and dancing involved.
Before long, the school year started to near its end, and with it came the end-of-year exams. Not only that but there was also the anticipation for the Fall Formal Gala held for our graduation group. Which meant colts asking Cadance and me out for the dance.
To be fair, I didn't think anyone would ask me out, but being a princess and all that, I got my fair share of awkward young adults wanting to try their luck... after getting rejected by Cadance beforehoof, of course. To my surprise, neither Shining Armor nor Eight Bit were among that group (or the other two guys).
It was honestly weird getting snubbed by a bunch of nerds I genuinely saw as my friends. That wasn't the height of the strangeness, though. No, for some reason, the guys were plotting something behind my back that I wasn't privy to because I was a girl . While they did their super secret guys-only thing, I had to keep Twilight and Spike out of trouble (the little baby dragon Mrs. Velvet and Mr. Night Light adopted—three guesses as to who gave the lizard the name; the first two didn't count, and no, it wasn't me).
I swear, taking care of an infant wasn't supposed to be this difficult, but the fire-breathing and chewing through rocks made it one Hell of a task keeping him from destroying the whole house. Thankfully, the little guy didn't possess any wings, so keeping him contained was relatively easy. I was so damn glad gemstones were so easy to get here in Equestria, or the black hole inside that googly-eyed monster would have already bankrupted Mr. Night Light and Mrs. Velvet, I swear.
Nothing against you, Spike, but no amount of chubby cuteness can redeem the smell of your burps, and I was used to fire and brimstone down in the snake pit called Hell. Big fucking yikes.
Anyway, Cadance got bullied into going with Buck Withers to the Fall Formal Gala because the idiot lacked the brain cells to understand what the word 'No' meant. He also got a massive death wish if you asked me. I was mildly impressed he could withstand the full brunt of my demonic death glare, though.
Things took a turn to the hilarious and kind of impressive during the home field polo championships game pep rally Cadance dragged me to because she couldn't stand being alone with the dumb jock. I was such a nice friend, wasn't I?
Most of the floats during the parade were the typical standard fare for high school students; the float Shining Armor and the rest of the guys entered with was on a wholly different level. They built a medieval castle on top of their cart, decorated the whole thing with Shining's accomplishments as a level twelve paladin (as well as putting an actual knight in shining armor on top of the castle), wrote 'Shining for king' on the front while squeezing the 'G' in a bit further down because they ran out of space, and bragged about him not having any absences during his whole junior year (what an accomplishment, wow ). Oh, and the damn thing was a pyromaniac's wet dream as it spewed forth fire from the two towers in the back.
More ridiculous than that, though, was their getup. Eight Bit wore... something , alright. He looked like a toy ninja, playing the drums, while Gaffer seemed to have been inspired by one of those old iron man muscle artists in circuses, rocking the xylophone like a mad pony. Poindexter was the crazy hippie gangster rapper disk jockey nerd, and Shining... wore a pirate slash admiral's coat with war paint smeared over his muzzle, standing over the defeated dragon with his keytar.
The song they performed was a parody of that one band the guys liked to listen to so much—Boingo something, something—just with the lyrics replaced to confess his romantic feelings for 'pretty pink mares.'
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I growled while Cady's jaw dropped.
"Wait, he's into me ?!" she exclaimed, shocked. No shit, Sherlock! What did you think I was glaring at him for all the damn time, huh?
"Hah! What a loser! Nerd!" Buck Withers commented smartly, starting to 'Boo!' at the poor guys. His buddy quickly followed suit, and soon enough, the whole crowd on the bleachers was doing it. My heart dropped at the nightmare playing out before me, reminding me too much of my time growing up the first time.
That got me even more angry than Shining Armor finally starting to man up. The guys were under my protection; no one got to bully them aside from myself!
I leaped into the air and crashed down hard on the playing field, seething in fury and rage at the injustice before me. "Enough!" I bellowed, amplifying my voice with a nifty spell Aunty Tia taught us. I extended my wings threateningly, standing protectively in front of my friends. "Have I not been clear enough about offending me and mine?! Is this truly how you want to behave yourselves as adults?! Are you ponies really that rotten to belittle those you view beneath yourselves?" I sneered at the wilting masses, glaring straight at Buck Withers and the other polo players. I didn't hide the fact my eyes glowed a fiendish red, though I suppressed the demonic growl. "That stallion standing there with an ego too big for his tiny sausage of a dick doesn't deserve your admiration! Don't give him the attention he craves to validate his pitiful existence!
"These four colts right here——Nay, these stallions have more heart and strength than anypony else I see before me right now. They might not be considered 'cool,' but they more than make up for it with personality and courage ! Yes, they are nerds, but their future isn't clouded in misery and hatred that you so easily get tempted into by peer pressure!
"I command thee to stop this now as your princess! This is not how we ponies act! We are supposed to be kind and generous! Loyal and honest! We should laugh together, not make fun of those who cannot defend themselves! Because if you can't accept that light of friendship, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Darkness looms down the road you so carelessly travel on. Don't let it influence you. Make a turn. Life is so much more worthwhile than wasting it on school drama ."
Silence permeated the air for a moment before it was broken by the sound of clopping hooves. Cadance cheered for me, and I blushed as the other students followed her example.
"You rock, Pleasure!" Long Play shouted from the crowd, a little filly on his back that must have been his sister also cheering loudly.
"Pleasure, Pleasure, Pleasure!" the audience began to chant, causing me to rub my neck awkwardly. Fucking Hell, that was a lot of admiration; my body practically burned with arousal. I bit back a moan, resisting the urge to molest myself right then and there with so many eyes on me. There were foals in that crowd, for fuck's sake!
...my tail stood up ramrod straight, anyway. Ngh, damnit. M-maybe just a little..?
"Hey, uh..." Shining mumbled as he jumped down from the float, popping my naughty fantasies instantly. "Thanks for, uh... sticking up for us."
"No problem," I mentioned, still feeling the adrenaline coursing through my body. Way to be turned off, seriously. "It was nothing. Somepony had to say it."
"Sorry about how we treated you recently by leaving you out," he apologized. Not like I cared. "I didn't want to make you jealous..."
I snorted. "You planned this behind my back, didn't you?" I asked him rhetorically, not expecting an answer. He nodded, anyway. At least he had the presence of mind to appear ashamed for it. Not that that managed to appease me in the slightest. What a fucking asshole . So much for being my friends. "You're still in trouble, buster."
"I'm sorry, but..." Shining Armor said, grimacing. "Eight Bit really wants to go to the ball with you, and you keep being standoffish about it, so I thought if not now, I'd never get the chance to ask either of you out and, well..."—he rubbed his neck awkwardly, struggling for words—" Cadance doesn't appear nearly as intimidating as I feared she would."
So... that was how it was going to be, huh? Fine. "Shining..?"
"Y-yes?"
"If you break her heart, I'm going to break your everything ."
"...o-oh, uh, o-okay," he gulped, sweating nervously. "D-does that mean..?"
I grumbled seethingly to myself. "Do whatever." Then, barely audible to even myself, I muttered, "She doesn't want to date me, anyway."
"A-are you going to the ball with Eight Bit, then?" he asked me curiously, and I could tell the pony in question was listening from his position on the float.
"No."
And that was the story of how I gave up. I cried myself to sleep that night. And every night following that one.
My heart broke that day.
Author's Note
SHINING, YOU FOOL.
Chapter 017 - The weeping princess.
The weeping princess. That's what the recruits in the royal guard called me. It was a nickname and a challenge simultaneously, both among the night guard and the day guard. After Shining won Cadance's affection with the grand gesture to overshadow everypony else, I gave up on my crush and 'moved on.' I didn't go to the ball. I didn't even attend the graduation ceremony. I didn't even collect my high school diploma. I just... concentrated on my princess duties, excelling in my military training, and learning everything Arcane Sigil and Aunt Celestia taught Cadance and me without complaint.
I followed through with my promise of reforming the political structure in the following years until I was officially 'twenty' again. My pony visage looked the part of a young adult—and more importantly—fertile mare that turned the heads of those around her because she knew how sexy she was.
And yet, I felt hollow, watching Cadance and Shining go on dates. He treated her right, not how I always imagined he would, letting his dick control him. And Cadance liked him, even though she had yet to kiss him as far as I was aware. Among other, more mature stuff. Unlike me. I was taking my frustrations out on the guard, letting one recruit after another get intimate with their princess.
It was of no surprise to anypony that I became known as the slutty one while Cadance was the sweet, innocent girl too prudish to even kiss the guy she was dating. It infuriated her to no end, but I made no effort to change the public's opinion of me. Why would I? I was a slut, I didn't do love. I did pleasure, and I wasn't afraid to become the wet dream of every straight stallion and lesbian mare out there. And everything in between—I very much liked sucking off a pretty trans mare whenever I went out for a night of fun in the city. Those that were comfortable enough with their anatomy, at least.
Eight Bit joined the guard with Shining Armor despite always wanting to become a software developer. It was kind of pathetic of him to try and stay close to me, but what did I expect? That we would go our separate ways after school, and he would forget me? He was the only pony I refused to let enter my bed chambers. He and Shining Armor—not that Shiny would ever think of cheating on Cadance (and not just because of the threat I made to him).
Cadance became even more beautiful, looking exactly like how I remembered she looked in the mirror. The only difference was she didn't look at me the same way. We didn't even hang out anymore. All her free time was taken up by her 'special somepony.' I felt sick just thinking about it.
A small part of me felt like Shining Armor was doing it intentionally, but that couldn't be true. Betrayal put aside, we were friends; why would he purposely keep her away from me? I was imagining things.
So... the reason for my nickname? Every guard I had sex with only made that gaping hole in my heart hurt worse. I cried tears of agony and despair, of heartbreak, of anguish , during and after the climax of orgasm. Nopony knew why, and I preferred to keep it that way. Hence, I was called the weeping princess; nopony could make me happy with their performance. No stallion, no mare, no intersex or transgender pony. No one. I suspected even a tentacle monster wouldn't have made me happy right now.
The sound of a throat being cleared made my ears twitch. "Princess."
I glanced at Kibitz and wondered, not for the first time, if I should broaden my spectrum to include older ponies in my pursuits. Maybe a milf or gentlestallion with more experience could finally do the impossible and get me to cry out their name in joy instead of loathing. I doubted it.
"Yes?" I asked, voice monotone.
"You have been staring at that document for an awfully long time," the elderly butler slash royal scheduling advisor remarked, adjusting his reading glasses with a professional flair. "Is something the matter?"
"No," I responded, sighing in lament. "Say, Kibitz..?"
"Yes, Princess?" the pale gamboge unicorn pony said curtly. Ugh. I rolled my eyes at his behavior. He never got that stick up his ass unstuck, seriously.
"Am I beautiful?" I asked him without any ulterior motives. I knew the old guy wouldn't even look at me that way; he was just that professional. He was married to his job, through and through. Besides, he was the next best thing to an actual grandfather to me, it felt wrong to think of him as anything other than that.
"Your Highness, it isn't my place to judge the aesthetics of a pony such as yourself," he reminded me. I propped up my head on my foreleg, giving him an unimpressed and bored look.
"Uh-huh," I drawled out, going back to reading the document before me. "Is that your way of telling me, 'I can't answer that, or I'll lose my job'?"
"Princess," Kibitz admonished me. I merely grumbled back at him. Killjoy. "Is there a reason for the sudden interest in my opinion? It is to my understanding that many ponies enjoy your company; would that not suffice?"
Ugh. "You know what? Forget that I asked," I grumbled, levitating the quill over to sign the approval of funds for the royal guard to upgrade their gear as well as recruitment efforts.
I've been handling the military aspect of being a princess more and more lately. Maybe because I seemed more approachable to the majority of the ponies serving in the military than Cadance or Aunt Celestia. And Sunset. She hated my guts, so the majority of the guards hated her guts, in turn. It was as simple as that. Not that they would ever admit it to her face. Only the ultra-conservative generals seemed to prefer Sunset for reasons that boiled entirely down to racism.
Speaking of the adopted daughter of my aunt, she took the bait and started to secretly investigate me of being a changeling, not that she could prove it 'yet.' I was sure she was plotting something behind her mother's back to oust me as a soulless, emotion-devouring monster.
Suffice it to say, she wasn't an alicorn 'yet,' much to her chagrin and my eternal suffering. It showed in her attitude whenever she was forced to speak to Cadance, Aunt Celestia, or me. I received the brunt of her condescension and anger since I deserved my position 'the least,' according to her. I think Aunty gave up on that front, as well. Sunnybitch Junior refused to listen to her, so my aunt focused more on Twilight Sparkle's education instead. No amount of mother-daughter counseling could fix what Sunset had gotten into her head.
Twilight, on the other hoof, had her own 'ticks,' so to speak. She developed an almost fanatical zeal trying to please my aunt. So much so that she often neglected her own health in favor of studying. And that was the only thing anypony could motivate her into doing; everything else was a tug of war between her and her books. Sometimes literally.
The little filly was barely ten, yet she didn't even attempt to socialize or speak with anyone who wasn't a princess or her family. I doubted she even noticed that her brother started dating Cadance. I was honestly starting to get worried. What worried me far more, though, were her neurotic anxiety attacks at the mere thought of disappointing Princess Celestia.
I swear, Aunty Celestia and foals were a terrible mix. I had no idea what she did to them, but it couldn't be a coincidence that they all ended up with psychological problems in one form or another. I already spoke to her, but aside from being the princess, she had no idea what could be causing it. Thankfully, she brought up the idea of a therapist with her parents, and they agreed that it would be for the best if their daughter regularly spoke with one to at least help her deal with it healthily and constructively.
Speaking of seeing a therapist, I still kept avoiding it. Aunt Celestia even recommended that I also see Doctor Tender Care, who she reassured me wouldn't scream in terror and would keep my true nature a secret (or so she claimed). I couldn't bring myself to approach the pinto unicorn mare by myself, though. Yes, I knew I should get around to doing it. I more than needed it, what with my obvious problem of crippling jealousy , but it was just too hard to get over my stupid hang-ups. I might have given up on getting Cadance to notice me that way, but my heart couldn't lie. Not to me, anyway.
And let's be honest here, I would screw my own therapist. I would screw my own therapist because I was too goddamn fucking afraid to admit I loved Cadance to anyone aside from myself, patient confidentiality or not.
I sighed. I hated Shining Armor. Why did he have to have the guts to do what he did? I underestimated him. And now, here I was, unable to enjoy the one thing that landed me in Hell in the first place: spreading my legs. He took everything from me. Asshole.
Ah, who was I kidding when I pretended I didn't know why I was sentenced to Hell? It didn't take a genius to figure out why Michael sent me downstairs. I knew the reason perfectly well. I might have been coerced into doing it at first, but it didn't change the fact I loved doing it. I was the perfect fit for becoming a succubus, not only because I had an insatiable hunger for dicks but also because I cared about making it the most enjoyable experience for anyone having sex with me (whether or not I did it for entirely selfish reasons, notwithstanding).
But now, I lost my spark. I couldn't bring myself to care; I only did it out of habit and as a coping mechanism, hoping that somepony would take my mind off of Cadance. So far, nopony did, and I doubted anypony ever would. I was cursed to lament my inability to get over my love for her.
"Kibitz?" I hummed listlessly, slumping down in my chair in a very unprincess-like fashion. The stallion in question raised a bushy eyebrow in response. It was weird at first, but I was getting used to ponies with 'facial hair.' It kind of humanized ponies in a way that wasn't even that uncanny (seeing him without his eyebrows would have been weirder... I think). "Is there anything else on the schedule aside from this crap?" I motioned toward the stack of papers, and Kibitz fished out a little notebook from his uniform's pocket.
"Language, Princess," he admonished me before squinting closely at his writing. "Aside from your usual hours of office work, there's also a scheduled meeting with the military officers in an hour, a short break for lunch, filling in two hours of court for your aunt until Princess Cadance switches with you, and—"
He was interrupted by a knock on the door, and as eager as I was to keep doing my paperwork, I immediately called out with an, "Enter!"
Eight Bit nudged the door open, looking as awkward as ever in his enchanted armor. He saluted me. "Princess."
"Recruit Eight Bit," I responded, frowning. He tried to not let it show, but Eight Bit still winced and deflated slightly at my cold greeting. "Report."
The brownish-gray stallion glanced at Kibitz for a moment before turning back to me, saying, "General Bulwark requests your presence, Ma'am."
Ugh, I hated that guy. Well, it seemed I would be getting out of doing paperwork for the day, at least. Woe is me. "Alright, let's see what this is about," I said, hopping out of my plush chair behind the sturdy desk Aunt Celestia gifted me after the last one unexpectedly gave out on me. On the other hoof, this one was really sturdy (wink wink).
Kibitz looked disgruntled at having his meticulously planned schedule messed with, but he took it in stride. Despite having a stick shoved up his bum, he was adaptable to all kinds of unforeseen circumstances. Kinda had to be, what with the usual hectic day-to-day life in the castle.
I let Eight Bit accompany me as I went to the military barracks on the castle grounds, ignoring the glances he gave me. He was a persistent pony; I had to give it to him. I would find it annoying if I still didn't consider him my friend (for some reason). As it stood, it was only a 'minor' inconvenience, pathetic as it was.
What did he even try to accomplish by wasting his future on a job he didn't like or want? It pissed me off that he did it because of me. I ruined his life by unintentionally making him fall in love with me. He could have revolutionized the gaming industry if only he kept at it. What a fucking idiot. I hated him, too.
We entered the royal guard headquarters and were immediately greeted by the Captain of the Guard, and much to my surprise, Agent Furlong and Junior Agent Sweetie Drops.
"Princess," General Bulwark said gruffly, saluting. I nodded back at him, telling him to be at ease while the two agents of the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria fidgeted anxiously next to the stern stallion (or S.M.I.L.E. for short—Aunty had a twisted sense of humor). Agent Furlong had an easier time trying to hide it, but the pale, apple-yellow mare next to him looked like she wished the ground would swallow her up any moment now. The general continued, "As of oh-five-hundred hours, we have a situation on our hooves that requires your attention."
I hummed, mildly curious. "I'm guessing it has something to do with a rogue monster on the loose?" Agent Sweetie Drops winced while Agent Furlong nodded succinctly. "Has my Aunt been informed?"
"Ma'am, Princess Celestia has already left en route for Fillydelphia in preparation for the Summer Sun Celebration," General Bulwark informed me, and I groaned silently. Of course, she did. Fuck me.
"What is it we're dealing with?" I asked, disgruntled about being left alone to deal with this. Don't screw it up, me. It was just the fate of the entire nation on the table. No biggy.
Ugh, what a joyful delight this day was turning out to be. What were the odds of me not utterly ruining the nation by the end of this? No sooner did Aunty Celestia decide to let us handle our responsibilities alone without constant guidance, and things immediately went horribly wrong. Great.
"All information on the target is written down in there," Agent Furlong told me, handing over a manilla folder with 'Top Secret' stamped on it in red ink. I took it from him in my vibrant red magic aura and opened it, uncaring whether or not Eight Bit could see every detail of the files within. The director of the secret intelligence agency made a strangled noise, but I continued reading on, uncaring. "P-Princess! That should be handled with utmost confidentiality!"
I raised a brow, glancing at my bodyguard slash stalker slash only male friend I kinda willingly put up with that I still hated. Said stallion averted his gaze hastily. "If you have an issue with Eight Bit, I trust him," I stated nonchalantly. Eight Bit gave me another one of those hopeful looks while Agent Furlong hesitated at showing him the same trust. "The bugbear escaped Tartarus?" I asked, surprised. "How?"
"That's... my fault, Your Highness," Junior Agent Sweetie Drops answered, ears splayed back in shame. "I was careless, bringing in a dangerous beast. It overwhelmed me and stung the cerberus guarding the gate."
Right. Aunt Celestia's giant three-headed pet dog. "Is the mutt okay?" I asked, frowning with disdain at the thought of having to check up on the stupid behemoth. I really was not a dog person, seriously. It was no wonder after repeatedly getting raped by fucking hellhounds.
Cats were undoubtedly superior. They were cozy little fluff balls that didn't give a shit. And they didn't slobber all over you the first chance they got.
"Cerberus is fine if a bit worse for wear," Agent Furlong responded. "Agent Sweetie Drops acted swiftly and prevented further harm from coming to the dog, but the bugbear managed to get away amidst the chaos."
"I see," I muttered. "So... what now?"
"We are unsure of the current whereabouts of the beast since the tracking chip has been ripped out by it," Agent Furlong admitted while General Bulwark scoffed.
"It can't have gotten far. No nearby city has reported a sighting of the monster. If we act now, we can apprehend the beast and send it back where it belongs," he proposed, glaring sternly at Agent Furlong. "I can prepare the guard for a swift and decisive strike, Your Highness. Give me the word, and I'll have the bugbear back in custody by the end of the day ."
"I—" I started, opening my mouth at the same time Agent Furlong rebutted General Bulwark's advice.
"I caution you heavily against sending out troops untrained in dealing with a monster of this scale," he said, frowning at his counterpart in the military. "The bugbear is a cunning opponent; it would be foolish to underestimate it."
"Hah!" Bulwark laughed, scowling humorlessly back. "It was the fault of S.M.I.L.E. that it escaped in the first place! Your carelessness in training your agents shows how incompetent you truly are. The princess should disband your whole organization because it is a joke ."
"You can take your grievances with the intelligence agency up to my aunt, but I will do no such thing," I told him with a piercing stare, shutting up any further arguments between them. "Agent Sweetie Drops? You have experience with the beast, don't you?"
"Yes, Your Highness," she responded, standing up straighter. "I was on the team that brought the bugbear in initially, although I only observed that time..."
"That's more experience than I have," I said, alleviating her concerns. "How many ponies would we need with sufficient training?"
"I, uhm..." she hesitated, glancing at her superior before facing me again, uncertain. "I would say about six? A pair of fliers to distract it, an earthpony or two to keep it grounded, preferably with enchanted ropes. Those would have to be maintained by a unicorn."
"So, if I were to come with you, you could keep it in place while I distract it and maintain the spell?" I asked, prompting her to gape at me in surprise.
"Pleasure—I mean, Princess, Ma'am!" Eight Bit exclaimed. "You can't—"
"You're coming with me, Bit," I said, interrupting him. Said stallion paled in fright.
"...w-what?" he squeaked out, and I smiled. "B-but, b-but..!"
"You. Are. Coming. With. Me," I repeated myself, poking him with each word. "Congrats, Eight Bit. You've been promoted to Special Agent Monster Bait ."
"Y-you're trying to get rid of me, aren't you?" my friend whispered, whimpering in terror.
"No , what gave you that idea?" I sneered. "I need someone to lure it out and help me distract it. I can't do everything by myself."
"But... don't we need training?"
"What? How to be annoying? I'm sure you can manage that much," I said, shrugging carelessly. "And I am trained. There's nopony more agile in the air than me, and I can shield the whole city of Canterlot during orgasm. I think I can manage a rope ." Eight Bit blushed heavily, visibly struggling from popping a boner. "You joined the military, Buster. Own up to it and help me fucking save this country from a bugbear."
"I, uh..." he gulped. "C-can I still quit?"
"That's called desertion, coward," I pointed out, making him flinch. "You can either stallion the fuck up and do this or spend the rest of your life on latrine-cleaning duty out in the Frozen North, asshole."
He shrank in on himself. "That's a bit extreme, isn't it?"
I snorted, amused. "That's me being the generous and kind princess that I am." My eyes glowed sinisterly as I leaned in close to him, sneering at him, "You don't want to know what I do with traitors ."
Now, he looked paler than white. "I-I'll do it. Princess. M-Ma'am."
Oh. My. Fucking. God. He almost pissed himself in fear. I rubbed my muzzle tiredly, ignoring the peanut gallery as they stared at us, trying to understand what the fuck was going on. I could tell the General wanted to lay into Eight Bit for being such an embarrassment to the royal guard. He wisely stayed silent lest he invoked my wrath.
I decided to take pity on Eight Bit and, well... probably did the dumbest thing my brain could come up with to entice him into not running away the first chance he got with his tail tucked in between his legs: I gave him hope. "You know what? If you save Equestria with me, you can have sex with me."
That caused him to become instantly hard, much to his embarrassment and the scandalized gasp of everypony else. "W-what? Pleasure, that's not—I don't—T-that's not what I want!"
"You would do what ?!" Bulwark exclaimed, popping a blood vessel. Agent Furlong lost his sunglasses as he openly gaped at me, and Agent Sweetie Drops outright fainted.
Wow, you would think none of them knew what I got up to each night. What a shocker.
"Your Highness, you can't—"
"Finish that sentence, and you will find out whether or not I was serious about threatening to send ponies on latrine duty in the Frozen North for the rest of their life, General."
General Bulwark snapped his muzzle shut, looking like he swallowed a sour lemon. That was what I thought.
"Princess, I don't want you to—" Eight Bit opened his muzzle instead, so I shut him up with my glare next.
"You don't want to have sex with me?" I asked him, snorting both in anger and because I hated being lied to by my friends. "Tell that to your fleshy meat pole, Eight Bit. Do you think I'm blind? You've tried getting under my tail for years! And now you're lying to me?!"
"I wanted to date you!" he shot back, indignant (and, much to my surprise, completely honest). "But you kept being weird about it, and Shining agreed to let me try to ask you out first if we helped him with Cadance! I'm sorry if I ruined your chances with him, okay?!"
I felt my chest go numb as I stood there dumbfounded. Shining would have asked me out if the nerd gang hadn't agreed to his stupid idea of wooing Cadance instead? And Eight Bit selfishly agreed to it? I could have shot down Shiny and asked Cadance out myself?!
"I..." I mumbled, trailing off. Fuck. I was an idiot. And I even helped him by making him sound nice, playing right into his hooves. I made him popular practically overnight. Cadance fell for him because I set him up for success.
"I didn't know you were that into him, Pleasure—P-Princess, I mean," Eight Bit continued, oblivious to my inner turmoil. "You always pushed back and outright denied wanting to have a special somepony, so... we just assumed you were lesbian or something. Then Shining Armor finds out you were talking about dating and stuff, but you clearly must've had a different type than nerdy stallions—which, by the way, are the most considerate guys a girl can date. At least we have a personality worth loving and the smarts most 'cool' guys lack."
I looked away, unable to meet his eyes as he laid his feelings bare to me. It was interesting to note, though, that his ears flicked at the mention of nerdy 'guys' while he referred to himself. Odd. It wasn't the first time it happened, but now it stood out to me. "Eight Bit, I..." I began, frustrated not only with him but also with myself. "I'm not that kind of gal. I don't do romantic shit. I like having fun, that's it."
"If that were the case, then why do you keep rejecting me ?" he challenged me, and I flinched. "I'm no Shining Armor, I get it. But... if we're going to do this... let's go on a date—a single date—and if you don't want to repeat it, that's fine. At least I know I tried."
"Fine," I muttered, sagging. "One date. If you manage to impress me,"—I swallowed thickly—" you may court me."
"I promise I won't disappoint you, Princess," Eight Bit said, mistaking my numb expression as skepticism. Perhaps it was; I couldn't tell myself. I didn't feel anything, to be honest. I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, I wasn't hurt. I didn't feel despair, remorse, or regret. I was just numb, watching myself move as if being marionetted by somepony else.
I had to move on from Cadance eventually, right? I could do it now. I didn't care with whom it was; I just wanted to fill this stupid void in my heart. Eight Bit was a nice enough guy; I could settle for him.
Everything was fine. I was fine.
A single, lone tear rolled down my cheek, unnoticed by everyone as I turned away.
View Online
Chapter 018 - You want a date? Here is your date!
Cadance got wind of my upcoming date with Eight Bit despite us rarely catching up with each other ever since Shining Armor started taking up her attention like a greedy sponge. Work also got in the way most of the time, but sometimes, it felt like we were avoiding each other for entirely different reasons. Me because I couldn't stand seeing her together with the white unicorn stallion, being a cutesy couple and whatnot, and her... what did I know? Maybe my negative energy was too much for her to be around me. I wouldn't put it past her. I wouldn't want to be around me, either.
True to his word, Eight Bit didn't flee at the first sign of trouble once we tracked down the bugbear. He didn't even abandon me to distract the humongous, ferocious beast all on my own. He was kind of courageous when it came down to it. Too bad my grouchy behavior didn't scare him off.
The bugbear was one Hell of an ugly monster, but we managed to recapture and imprison it. It wasn't simple, but Agents Furlong and Sweetie Drops had it grounded in no time, and we ensnared it in several layers of enchanted ropes. It almost got me with a swipe of its claws, while Eight Bit barely avoided getting stung by it. Despite that, my pegasus friend proved invaluable on this mission, baiting the bugbear into crashing through trees or breaking through boulders (and no, that wasn't an exaggeration; it was one tough nut to crack).
Which brought us to now...
"Cady, I don't need your help getting ready," I complained listlessly, suffering through her fussiness as she tried braiding my mane into something more presentable. It had gotten kind of long since I never bothered cutting it. Only her own mane beat mine (aside from Aunt Celestia, that is).
"Oh, come on, Ish," Cadance pouted in a counter-complaint, giving me the sad, puppy dog eyes in an attempt to persuade me. "Don't you want to look nice for your date with Eight Bit? You're finally giving dates a chance! We have to make sure everything goes smoothly. I'm not risking you never giving it a chance again! That's like... the worst thing that could happen."
"Yeah, right. Sure..." I sighed, reluctantly agreeing with her in the hopes she would spare me from her romance shenanigans. I was certain Eight Bit was putting in even more effort than I did, making this more than awkward enough. Mentally, I kept repeating my mantra, which had become my go-to method of pretending I wasn't miserable. Put on a fake smile and act like everything is okay, Ishtar. It will get better. Eventually .
Maybe Eight Bit wouldn't make me cry every time I orgasmed. That was the only thing giving me hope right now. It wasn't like I was able to cry anymore, either way. My dead gaze stared back at me in the vanity mirror while Cadance was oblivious to my inner torment. How could she notice it, anyhow? I was doing my best to fake every emotion on my face. If anything, I was a damn good actor. Not even Aunt Celestia could tell. Or so I told myself.
"Oh, I'm so excited to hear how it goes!" Cadance gushed in excitement. Then, more subdued, she said, "We will have to go on a double date once you make it official. That is... do you want to go on one with me? A-as long as the guys are fine with it, of course!"
I smiled awkwardly, dying a little bit more on the inside. Twist the dagger in my heart even further, why don't you? "Sure."
"Yes!" she exclaimed, nuzzling me affectionately before going back to tearing my mane style apart. She did so with a happy fervor, trying to come up with something in line with my 'style.' Not that I had a style beyond 'wild' and 'untamed,' to be honest. I gave up trying a long time ago (before I gave up on everything else, too). If Cadance thought she could do it, she was welcome to try. It wasn't like it mattered to me anymore. I wouldn't be looking nice for her .
In the end, after much frustration and futile tugging, Cadance changed her approach, and... I looked exactly how I always looked, only without the tangles and hair strands sticking out of place whatsoever. Somehow, she tamed the rat's nest that I called my hair.
"Perfect," she stated, kissing the side of my head. I blushed, suddenly feeling warm inside. Her compliment meant a lot more to me than she could possibly comprehend. And it hurt even worse because of it.
She did my makeup next, going for purple eyeshadow, voluminous eyelashes, and some subtle eyeliner and lipgloss. Once I was allowed to look into the mirror again, I was speechless. She made me look so nice. Even without the silky black dress, my tiara, and the lace choker she gifted me last Hearth's Warming, I looked stunning.
"Cady, I..." I began, eyes shimmering with actual, genuine tears. I kept them at bay before they ruined all her hard work.
"Yes, Ish..?" she asked, a hopeful tone in her voice. Oh, how I wished I could just confess my treacherous feelings to her, kiss her right then and there. All it would take would be for my succubus charm to poison her thoughts, and she would forget all about Shining Armor. Then, I could seduce her, keep her all to myself... bend her to my will ...
I... n-no. I couldn't do that to her and ruin our friendship. I was a monster for even thinking such horrible things. She was too good for me, I reminded myself. I had to stop thinking of her that way, and Eight Bit was the convenient distraction I needed. Maybe if I committed to dating the pegasus, I could finally put her out of my mind.
Yes. That's the only way. "Thank you," I whispered with shaky resolve, swallowing thickly. "Eight Bit is going to be all over me."
Cadance deflated. "I... yes, he will. Y-you're welcome, Ish," she said, smiling wobbly. She rubbed at her eye, sighing shakily, trying not to burst into tears herself. A part of me wondered why she was so emotional about it. The rational part of me knew it was just her being a romantic, touched that I was giving romance a chance. Or so I thought, at least. There was no way she could be the jealous one, right? I... I wasn't making a mistake, was I?
Before I could ponder my sudden doubts, there was a knock on my suite's door, and Aunt Celestia entered like the proud mother hen that she was at the sight of me. "Oh, my. Look at you," she fawned eagerly over me. "All grown up~." She grabbed me in a tight, enthusiastic hug, and I grumbled.
"I'm over two thousand years old," I pointed out in a low whisper, keeping in mind that we weren't entirely alone with her guard present.
Aunt Celestia rolled her eyes at me good-naturedly. "You tell yourself that," she said, patting my head affectionately. I stared back at her in a deadpan. "Fine. You tell that to the young, strapping stallion waiting for you at the door, then. I must say I'm surprised you changed your mind, my dear niece."
"Yeah, well..." I said, swallowing tightly, trying to avoid Cadance's eyes. "I've got to give it a chance, don't I? The guy has wanted to date me since we knew each other, and... I, uh... tried to... wait?" Was that the right word for it? It wasn't like I could just tell her I gave up because Cadance chose to date Shining Armor instead, and Eight Bit was a persistent idiot.
"If you want to call 'sleeping around' waiting, then you made him wait a long time," Cady snorted accusatorily. I forced myself to glare half-heartedly back at her. I didn't need to fucking justify myself to her, damnit. "Aww, don't be like that, Ish. You know it's true. The poor guy even blamed Shiny because you kept ignoring him."
"That's dumb," I muttered. Why did everyone assume I had the hots for the nerdy unicorn? I would sooner have sex with his mom than get closer to him.
"Now, now," Aunt Celestia chided us, smiling teasingly. "Not everypony can be as innocent and chaste as you, Cadance. Let's not blame Pleasure for having a very active libido. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure Shining Armor will be the jealous one soon~."
Cady's muzzle changed from pink to a deep red as she shifted uncomfortably on her hooves, ears drooping. "I..." she mumbled, trying to appear smaller than she was. "I just want to... wait."
I blinked as she guiltily looked away from us. Her wings sagged slightly, tail lashing in agitation. "Aren't you the least bit hungry ?" I asked, using the euphemism since Aunt Celestia brought her guard with her everywhere she went. The pegasus stallion still stared at me for my choice of words. Eh... I wasn't very subtle there, was I? Fuck him.
"Ish..." Cadance squeaked. "I... I can't!"
"Not even a kiss?"
"What? No! I..." she babbled before quickly escaping the scene with a huff. Wow, way to be a drama queen. What has gotten into her all of a sudden?
"...okay, then ," I muttered, confused.
"Ah, young love," Aunt Celestia tittered, amused. "There never is a dull moment with you two around, is there?"
"I guess..." I deadpanned.
Aunt Celestia frowned at me in concern. "Are you sure you're okay? I know the situation with the bugbear must have been scary, but you seem... different ... lately. Are you sure you don't want to see Tender Care? I've known the mare for a while now; she is trustworthy."
I shook my head. "It's just... nerves," I told her, faking a smile, shrewd as it was. Perhaps I wasn't as convincing as I thought I was. I would have to be more careful in the future. At least Aunty Celestia seemed to buy my excuse this time around, though.
"I suppose that's understandable," she nodded, stroking my mane gently. "I'm sure once you're having a good time on your date, you will feel silly for being so nervous." She squeezed me slightly with a wing, smiling warmly.
"Right..." I said. I doubted I would feel anything .
"Go on," she encouraged me, shoving me lightly with an extended wing. "Don't be home too late now. I want to hear every detail tomorrow morning, alright?"
I grumbled, faking embarrassment while Aunt Celestia's guard watched us with impassive but attentive eyes. Honestly, the enchantment on the armor made them all look like emotionless husks.
Outside, at the end of the hallway leading to our private chambers, stood Eight Bit, wearing a tuxedo. He stopped fiddling with his sleeves, openly gaping at me once he saw me. "Pleasure! I-I mean, P-Princess!"
"Pleasure is fine for this evening," I told him, smiling in a hopefully disarming way. Here goes nothing , I thought. Make me forget. Please. "You look nice. Handsome," I complimented him.
Eight Bit flushed, rubbing his neck. "I, uh... thank you?" he responded uncertainly. "To be honest, I'm not really into wearing suits. But for you? Wearing this is worth the trouble." I snorted. Smooth going there, Bit. Really smooth. "You look great, yourself. I find it very..."—he struggled for a moment, grimacing for a bit—" Does it offend you if I say alluring? I don't want to objectify you in any way! It looks great. Very feminine." In a small, almost inaudible voice, he mumbled, "Wish I could look that nice..."
I mean... I couldn't care less how fancy his suit was; I had something else in mind. He wouldn't need clothes for that~. "I am the personification of lustful desire, so..." I whispered hotly, placing a hoof on his chest in a teasing way. "I'm not offended. I prefer it if you don't hide how you feel. Go on, undress me with your eyes; tell me exactly what dirty thoughts my appearance gives you."
My friend and date for this evening gulped thickly, turning pale. "I, uh... I really hope I can give you a good night kiss after our date," he admitted nervously, and I blinked. That was... huh. I didn't think it was going to happen, but he did impress me. Was he really that much of a gentlecolt? I would have to step up my game if I wanted to appeal to his carnal desires, then.
I felt a slight thrill as my inner succubus couldn't wait to corrupt him into living out his deepest, most profound, naughtiest desires. I wanted to twist him into my plaything...
"Well..." I hummed, kissing the side of his muzzle before closing in on his ear. I breathed hotly into it while my eyes glowed ominously. "I'm willing to do at least that much," I told him, smirking as his ears stood up ramrod straight as he almost swooned . Aww, how cute! If he wasn't careful, I might think he wanted to be treated like a lady instead~. "Are you ready to go out, then?"
"It w-would be my pleasure," Eight Bit stammered, fidgeting with his wings. I could tell his main problem with the tuxedo was that it wasn't tailored to him specifically. We would have to change that for the second date. If he survived this one, that is~.
Cadance admittedly made me curious about her double date idea. Saying no to her... I was still heavily reluctant to disappoint her in any way, so... I would have to put up with Eight Bit for at least two dates. Who knew? Maybe he would keep impressing me. I did love a good hunt; playing with my prey might give me that particular thing I've been missing lately.
As long as he could keep me from crying, I might even be willing to keep him around. But first, let's turn that mind of his into a dirty, sex-obsessed pony. Mhh, the sweet and innocent act might be cute, but I wanted him to fuck me by the end of this date.
We left the castle, and the brownish-gray pegasus stallion escorted me to a place I didn't expect he would take me to: a lone, decorated table at the edge of Canterlot, next to a cellist playing romantic music. I gave Eight Bit an unimpressed glare, and he chuckled nervously.
"Don't say anything yet," he said, quickly moving to one side to pull out a cushion from underneath the table for me. "Madam, your seat awaits."
I sighed and sat down, having hoped he would take me somewhere more fun. He moved to the other side opposite mine and pulled out a cushion for himself before taking out a wine bottle. "Bit..." I grumbled, but he merely shushed me, filling our glasses with red liquid. He rang a bell, and a fancy waiter arrived, putting two covered dishes in front of us before they promptly left.
"Alright..." Eight Bit began. "I know you said you don't want a romantic date, and I promise, this isn't going to be a starlit, lovey-dovey dinner date. That's too much even for me," he explained. I furrowed my brows, skeptical. He chuckled awkwardly. "Yes, I know. This looks exactly like that, and you wouldn't be wrong. If it weren't for one thing: this not being a dinner date."
"Okay?" I hummed, curious. "Then what is this, exactly?"
"Why don't you lift that cover?" he prompted me, smiling eagerly. I did as he requested and found an envelope on the plate instead of food. Inside was a key with an address that shouldn't be too far from here if I was right. "I know the owner of that place, so I asked him if I could borrow it for one night."
"And what place is that?" I asked, nonplused. Don't tell me he was going to take me to the theater.
"You will see soon enough," Eight Bit told me, almost giddy. "You will love it, I promise. But first,"—he lifted the cover of his plate, revealing steaming tagliatelle with a freshly made spinach sauce and grated cheese on top, enough for two—" I didn't bring you here to leave you hanging on an empty stomach. So, with that in mind, it kinda is a dinner date, too?"
I rolled my eyes. Of course, it is . "Well," I said, levitating my plate over so he could give me a helping from his plate instead of awkwardly sharing the meal from one. "I'm not into the 'Oops, we are eating the same noodle from both ends' cliché, so if you were hoping to kiss me that way, you can forget it."
He winced. "Right," he mumbled, blushing warmly. "That's not what I had in mind, I promise. They're from Presto's, by the way."
I gave him a surprised look and gave them a nibble, tempted to moan in delight at the taste. "How did you..?"
"Get a reservation?" he asked rhetorically. "I pulled some favors with Shining, and he got his parents to place an order for me."
"And the waiter? The cellist?" I wanted to know.
Eight Bit rubbed his neck. "Those were Cadance's idea. The starlit dinner as a whole, to be honest."
"Of course she did," I groused. It was like she was trying to set Eight Bit up for failure. I knew she was a major romantic, but she should have known better than to get Eight Bit to date me on false pretenses.
...unless she wanted him to fail, but she wouldn't do that to me, would she? After all, she insisted that I give romance a chance again. Souring the first date I went on since forever would accomplish the exact opposite of her goals.
No matter. Those were just suspicions born out of paranoia. I shouldn't give in to my mistrust until I could base my presumption on facts instead of feelings. Cadance was still my best friend, wasn't she? She couldn't have deceived me all this time, right?
Right. What was I thinking? We'd been friends long before we even knew the guys. She wouldn't let something so silly get between us, nor would she ever manipulate me so cruelly. She probably was just concerned my first date would be a disaster if she didn't intervene on Eight Bit's behalf. It was still his choice to let her help him, and how could she blame him for seeking her aid? He was already a bundle of nervousness; it was impressive enough that he wasn't making a total fool out of himself so far.
I should cut him some slack, I supposed. If anything, I didn't want him to be too much of a wreck if this didn't work out like he hoped it would. It would be unfair of me to crush his spirit like mine had been crushed, lest he end up with a similar mindset to mine in the future.
We ate our meal relatively quickly (nothing from Presto's remained on the table for long; their food was just that good). Despite the gaping hole in my heart, I was appeased and satisfied, walking beside Eight Bit as he showed me to the next part of the date. It was a small-ish movie theater, surprise, surprise. Not. They had all the latest movies, from comedy to romance to science fiction and everything in between.
We watched a romantic action comedy as a compromise since Eight Bit wasn't entirely comfortable watching a mature romance flick I knew was said to be quite steamy with naughty scenes in it. I swear to God, if it turned out that he was asexual, I would throw in the towel and become a nun or something.
The movie itself was, interestingly enough, about a pegasus stallion wanting to date a batpony mare, and the parents of said batpony mare made it hilariously difficult for him to get their approval due to the ancient batpony traditions demanding that he be able to navigate the dark blindfolded in case he ever needed to defend the love of his life while unable to see. It was utterly ridiculous, and the hijinks that ensued from there were even more hilarious as Light Fog's parents started to make things up so it would be harder for Steady Flight to gain their approval.
"I don't need to do all that, do I?" Eight Bit asked me once the credits started rolling. I looked at him sideways with a raised brow while munching on some of the popcorn he got for me.
"I don't know," I drawled, pretending to think. "It would be impressive, certainly... but I never grew up with those traditions, remember? I won't make you go through ridiculous trials just because you want to date me."
"Oh, good," he said, releasing a relieved breath. "Because I'm not that good in the dark."
"It's not that hard," I shrugged.
"Says you," Eight Bit snorted. "I don't have ultra-sensitive ears that I can use for echolocation."
"And I wouldn't even need those or my eyes to go home from anywhere ," I proclaimed, not even making things up. Okay, yes, sure, I was maybe exaggerating a teensy, tiny bit, but being able to sense emotions had its advantages. As long as I was around civilization, I could reliably find my way home.
"Oh?" my friend and date hummed, skeptical. "Are you willing to prove that claim, then?"
"Is that a challenge?" I smirked. "What are you willing to put on the line for that, hm?"
"If you can do it? I'm going to do anything you ask of me. Within reason, of course," Eight Bit said.
"Even sex?" I grinned like a shark. Let's see how you handle that .
"W-what?" he squeaked, surprised.
"Is that not the ultimate goal of going on a date?" I asked him, curious. "To find a partner you want to share your life with and raise a foal or two together? You want to go on more dates with me, right?"
His cheeks burned with heat. "N-no. I mean, yes to the dates, but..." Eight Bit answered, running a hoof awkwardly through his pale, arctic-blue, and cerulean mane. He looked a bit ill thinking about it. "I don't want to become a... a f-father. Not yet, at least. I... I need to think about it before doing... that."
"I see," I hummed, intrigued. "You are an enigma of a pony, Bit. I'll give that to you."
Eight Bit shuffled nervously on his haunches. "Is... that a good thing?"
"Mhh," I purred. "I'm not sure yet. I'll give you a chance, at least. There's one final thing I have to know before I can tell for certain..."
"And that is..?"
"You do know 'what' I am the princess of, right?" I reminded him, and he gulped, trying to hide his crotch futilely. "There are a few things that are non-negotiable for me. I am oh-so-hungry for the lustful desires of those I invite to my sanctuary. I live to serve and nurture those naughty feelings of everypony living in Equestria. You know what that means, don't you?"
"I-I have h-heard the stories whispered among the other guards," Eight Bit admitted, breathing shakily. "I-I don't k-know if I'm r-ready for that yet."
I tutted at him, reaching out a hoof to trace it alongside his, going up his leg with slow, sensual motions. Oh, poor, sweet summer child of mine. I wanted him. Now. "And here I thought you were the type to jump at the chance. I guess I was wrong about you," I admitted, biting my lip softly. "I'm astonished. Even Shining Armor has proven himself capable of keeping it in his sheath around Cadance, much to my surprise. Nor would I have expected Cady to not jump his bones the first chance she got. I find myself stunned time and time again at how you ponies can resist temptation so easily."
Eight Bit mumbled the last part as a confused question to himself, wondering what I meant with 'you ponies,' but I didn't concern myself with answering his curiosity as I continued, "What I meant by that is a crucial condition to dating me: I won't be 'yours' exclusively. I will have sex with other ponies, whether you want me to or not."
"But..." he whined ever so slightly, ears folding back. "I thought that—"
I growled, sneering as I got up right in his face. "What do you not get about non-negotiable ?"
"Am I not enough?" Eight Bit asked me meekly, insecure.
"No," I stated bluntly. "Even if you were... Shining Armor ..."—I felt bile rising in my throat at pretending he was the one my heart longed for—" I wouldn't be satisfied with only one pony. You either accept that, or this date ends here and now, and there won't be another. Period."
"Isn't that an abuse of power?" he frowned.
I frowned back. "Are you sure you want to talk to your princess that way?"
"Hey, hey, hey! Don't get pissy at me now for asking! I didn't mean it as an accusation," he shot back, scowling unhappily. "I'm just saying. You're playing with my heart here; I want to know why I'm being treated like a toy you could discard anytime."
I raised a brow at his analogy. Not that I would admit to him I wanted to do exactly that with him. But unlike other ponies, I would keep him around~. "I think you are mistaken here. Where did you get that idea from?"
"Wait... isn't that what happened with every other stallion you've dated?" he asked me, confused.
I blinked. "I... haven't dated anypony else before, though," I told him, and Bit looked even more confused. "Did you think I broke up with everyone I had sex with? That I went around tricking ponies into a relationship only to move on to the next pony the day after?"
Eight Bit rubbed his foreleg uncertainly. "I, uh... kinda?" he admitted. "So you didn't go on dates with any of them? I... I don't understand. Isn't that how it works?"
I snorted humorlessly. "Which part of 'I don't do dates' didn't you get when we met?"
He made an expression reminiscent of understanding. "That's why you thought I was only out for... that."
"Duh," I deadpanned. "Imagine my surprise when you told me you weren't."
"Oh," he simply stated. He gave me a curious look afterward. "What changed your mind?"
"You did," I shrugged. "After what you told me about Shining, I kind of..."—I gestured vaguely, refusing to say that I lost hope and the ability to care about anything anymore—" I let go?"
Eight Bit sighed. "I guess that makes sense. I'm sorry, Pleasure."
"For what?" I asked. "About Shining Armor?" (Cough, Cadance, cough). "Or because you thought I was a heartless bitch?"
My friend winced. "...both?"
"Well, my conditions are still the same," I told him unapologetically. "I like having sex, and I like doing it with different ponies. Those are casual and consenting flings without any meaning. If you can't bring yourself to share me with other stallions—or mares—I won't be having a lasting relationship with you."
"And if you want to date somepony else?" he asked.
I gave him a pointed look. "Then I would date them, too," I explained, voice monotone as if it was obvious. I sighed. "Look, I get it. You have this idea of being somepony's special somepony. It's a nice idea, don't get me wrong, but I'm not Cadance.
"This is literally the reason why I was so reluctant to have a serious relationship with anypony. You all expect to find the 'one' pony to spend the rest of your life with, to grow old and shit, do the family thing, and indoctrinate your kids into wanting the same.
"I'm different because I'm going to outlive everypony. Cady hasn't realized that yet, Shining Armor hasn't realized that yet, you haven't realized that yet, and so has nopony else except for Aunt Celestia. If you want to do this, that is how it will be."
Eight Bit had this sad and contemplative expression on his muzzle as he listened to me before it was replaced with acceptance and understanding. Or what amounted to understanding with his pathetically limited, mortal perspective. "It wasn't Shining Armor you wanted a relationship with, was it?"
My heart missed a beat while my insides were doused in ice-cold horror. "What? No! Eight Bit, I—" I tried to deny it, but he didn't let that stop him from saying it out loud. My deepest, most profound regret was the secret I kept from my best friend even after my heart broke.
"All the glares, the jealousy whenever somepony confessed to her, you being so snide and bitter to us... the dead look in your eyes whenever you see Shining Armor together with her," Eight Bit listed each thing individually, cutting even deeper into my tortured, suffering heart with the metaphorical dagger already stuck in there. "The dead look that hasn't left ever since I told you about that day," he continued, tears glistening in his violet eyes. "You love her."
"I..." I tried to say, but my voice got stuck in my throat. Fear, unlike anything I've ever felt before, replaced the numbness and agony in my heart. "I-I... I don't." I can't...
"Please, don't lie to me, Pleasure," he begged, grief-stricken. "I can tell. It all makes sense now. The rumors, your reluctance to date anypony... everything."
"Stop..."
"You cry because your heart—"
"I said stop!" I shouted at him, vision blurry and breathing heavy. "Stop! Stop! Stop..!"
"Pleasure, I—"
"Save it ."
"Pleasure, please! I—"
I glared hotly at him, the foul odor of rotting eggs in the air. "Do not presume to know what I feel," I growled, voice distorting as my visage unraveled. "You will speak no more of this, or you will regret every moment of your life . I will break your heart, turn your mind into a hellscape—"
Eight Bit shrank before me as he fell from his seat, staring into the fiendishly glowing... red... eyes... of my... "W-who—What are you..?"
"I..." I flinched back at the terror reflected back at me in his eyes. I was a monster. I... I didn't deserve love, whether from Eight Bit or Cadance. I was an abomination.
Instead of responding, I fled. I reapplied my alicorn visage and teleported away. I left behind a very confused and scared pony who saw my true form. For the first time in my life, I lost control of my careful hold over my visage. Eight Bit knew.
Eight Bit knew, and I didn't do anything about it.
My life in Equestria was over.
Despite knowing Eight Bit had seen my true form, I returned to the only place I knew intimately enough to teleport to: no, not Hell—my bed. It was the only place I felt safe (frequent surprise visits from a pink nephilim and a certain flammable bird notwithstanding, of course).
I was too scared to leave. I locked my doors, blocked them with everything I could get my hooves on, and then I just... waited. I waited for the inevitable fallout, all but sure that I would have an angry mob of ponies on my doorstep the following day, ready to break in with pitchforks and torches, only... for nothing of the sort to happen.
Confused and wary, my heart beating wildly in my chest, I chanced a peek out of my bedroom after removing most of the objects barring entry into my bat cave (hilarious, I know). The sight that greeted me was... boringly normal. Not even a maid tidying up against my wishes or a guard waiting to arrest me once I dared leave my sanctuary. No pink nephilim, either.
"Strange," I muttered to myself. I would have thought for sure that somepony would have been there to make my life harder by giving me a headache, at the very least. Was Eight Bit trying to play mind games with me?
I slowly opened my bedroom doors and slipped out into the living room. I checked every corner of my apartment suite in case I was about to get ambushed. Still, there was nopony there hiding under the furniture or in my fridge or my shower.
I stopped at the entrance to my private slice of the castle, hesitating. Did I really want to go out there and face everypony's wrath? It would be much easier to hide here and pretend nothing happened. That would be the cowardly option, though. I was by no means a frightened little filly too afraid to stand up for myself and face the backlash of my actions, whether they were a mistake or not.
I was a grownup demon living an ordinary life of sin and debauchery while somehow still earning the respect befitting of a princess concerned for her fellow ponies after making some actual progress toward equality among all pony tribes and not the faux equality the nobles liked to pretend existed before I shook things up; I could deal with everypony staring at me like I was an alien walking among them.
Even if those ponies might take out the pitchforks and torches, hanging me off the side of Canterlot for being 'evil' and whatnot. It was no big deal. My life might as well be over, but at least I tried. Perhaps being nice and shit was a mistake, nothing more than a silly dream, but I enjoyed it while it lasted, damnit.
I gulped nervously and opened the doors, twitching at every sound of an early Canterlot morning in the castle. There were no guards standing watch near my suite, but I could tell the usual pair at the end of the hallway were already there, making sure nopony unauthorized wandered into the royal wing.
"Okay..." I mumbled shakily, tail flicking anxiously behind me while my fidgety wings refused to stay calm. Neither did my heart. "So far, so good. H-here goes nothing..."
I left my safe haven behind, walking at a totally normal pace past the guards before realizing my tail was desperately trying to tuck itself in. I tried ignoring the judgmental looks on the back of my head as they no doubt watched me walk further away, but the loud drums in my ears made that all but impossible.
I was being watched by everyone . The castle staff made a wide berth around me as I walked past, and I could swear the royal guards tightened their grip on the enchanted spears in their grasp. I hurried along, ears flicking every way at the whispers around me, and the sound of my heart kept getting louder while my breathing picked up speed.
My haste led to me almost stumbling down the stairs. Ponies kept giving me weird looks on my way to the dining hall. Before I could reach it, though, I ran into Sunset. As in, I collided with the amber unicorn mare.
"..!" Sunset shoved me off of her, grumbling something my ears didn't quite catch. "—you hiding—"
I let out a startled yelp, scrambling to get away from her. I tripped once before breaking out in a sprint, fleeing from the devil hiding behind that glare, not looking where I was going. That caused me to run into Shining Armor, sending me into a full-on panic.
One chase later, I slammed the doors of the private dining chamber shut behind me while holding them closed with quivering legs and wild eyes, breathing heavily. Cadance and Aunty Celestia stared at me with perplexed expressions on their muzzles while Philomena trilled in concern. My aunt and Cady quickly hurried to my aid. The guards and kitchen staff turned their judgmental gazes on me and—
"Breathe, niece," Aunt Celestia told me, and I flinched, startled that she was so close to me all of a sudden. "What happened?"
"I... I..." I said, shuddering with every intake of air. Fuck, why was it so hard to get even a tiny amount of air into my lungs? It felt like they were about to pop!
"Here," the white alicorn interrupted my frantic thoughts before I could panic further. In her golden horn magic floated a paper bag that smelled of freshly baked bread. I took it from her and held it to my muzzle, feeling uncomfortable at being the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. The lustful or disapproving stares I could deal with. This? I felt scared and small and fucking afraid someone would — "Could you please leave us? Pleasure needs the comfort of the close family only," Aunt Celestia said, ordering everypony to leave despite the gently worded request.
"T-thanks," I mumbled, still shivering from the stress. Philomena landed beside me and nudged me with her beak, cawing sadly. Even the chicken flambé was being nice today, huh? Maybe I should have panic attacks more often. "I'm s-sorry for causing a scene..."
"Think nothing of it, niece," Aunt Celestia said, smiling reassuringly. Cadance shuffled anxiously next to her as she used her body to block me from sight as much as possible. "Now, calm down and tell us what happened. Is there anything we could do to help?"
I took her advice to heart and allowed myself to just tremble until my body processed the chaotic feelings running rampant throughout my body. As soon as I felt remotely ready to speak, I opened my mouth to tell them what happened. "I..." I began, only to find tears threatening to spill instead.
Cady frowned, an odd glint in her pretty purple pony eyes. "Did Eight Bit hurt you?" she asked, ruffling her feathers in a threatening, protective way. "I swear if he—"
"No! He... he didn't," I answered, lips wavering. The first tears began to trickle down my cheeks to my jaw. That opened the floodgates. "He... he saw me."
"Oh, Pleasure," Aunt Celestia whispered comfortingly, and I allowed her to hug me. I leaned into her coat while she patted my head, quickly soaking her pristine, white fur. "Do I need to banish him?"
"What..? No!" I exclaimed, startled. I looked up at her mischievously sparkling magenta eyes and sagged in uncertain relief. I bit my lip. "You wouldn't actually do that, would you?" I asked, not entirely sure she was 'just' joking.
My aunt smiled. "No," she responded, nuzzling me softly. She wiped away my tears before booping me on the tip of my muzzle, giggling. "I would do much worse to him if he ever hurt you."
I paled at her happy attitude. Holy shit, she would. Oh, my fucking God, she actually would. She totally would, no doubt about it. I could tell from the fury carefully hidden away in her eyes. There was something incredibly primal concealed in them, waiting to be unleashed. Nothing could stand in her way if she genuinely felt the need to give in to that whisper of rage. Nothing .
Fuck. My aunt was scary. I... I wasn't sure whether or not I should feel touched or horrified. Probably both.
"What am I going to do?" I asked, trying to dismiss the thought of my aunt ushering in the apocalypse because someone was a dick to me. "He will tell everypony and then—"
"Nothing has happened yet," Aunty Tia reminded me, placing her head on mine. She rubbed my side reassuringly, almost cocooning me in her enormous white wings. At the same time, Cadance gazed at me with saddened pity. Aunt Celestia hummed softly. "Is he the type to ruin a pony's life simply because he can?" she asked me, drawing my attention away from Cadance as she leaned back to look down at me. "He's a recruit in the guard, isn't he? I'll send for him. I want to find out just what kind of intentions this young stallion has for you." I gulped as her eyes turned hard, afraid she would go so far as to imprison my friend. 'If' he was still my friend.
Aunty Celestia wouldn't go that far, right? She abhorred the idea of being unfair to her subjects. Then again, I was uncertain to what lengths she would go to get creative to enact retribution on someone she perceived to have slighted her and her family.
For all I knew, she would sick a cockatrice on him and add his statue to the others in the garden (there were some very odd ones there I could swear were a bit too life-like). Or would she banish Eight Bit to some secret location he would never be able to escape from, like the changelings? Heck, I wouldn't put it past her to try and send a pony to the moon; her magic was more than powerful enough to make it possible for her to succeed. Those rumors about Nightmare Moon must have come from somewhere, right?
Pfft. Yeah, right. The image of Aunt Celestia physically throwing somepony to the moon was just ridiculous. Funny, but ridiculous. Ponies and their imagination, I swear.
I heard Cadance mutter something along the lines of breaking Eight Bit's bones for making me cry, but when I looked back at her, she looked ready to hug the living daylights out of me as soon as Aunt Celestia let go of me. Philomena flapped away before my pink friend could trap the bird between us. Traitor. "Ack! Cadance..! My... lungs..! Have... mercy! I think I see the light... at the end... of the tunnel..."
"Shut up, Ish," she commanded me, tears glistening in her eyes. Aunty Celestia left us alone for the moment, departing with her pet bird to find the stallion responsible for my emotional turmoil. Or so I assumed. Cadance sighed, heartbroken. "This wasn't how I thought it would go..."
Speaking of my fucked up date... "How exactly did you expect it would go?" I said, frowning. Theatrics aside, I had a legitimate reason to be mad at her. "Did you think we would kiss? Marry? Rescue a poor orphan and live happily ever after?"
"Uhm..." she blushed. "Aside from the orphan thing—"
"Cady, I know you set him up to crash and burn," I interrupted her flatly. She had the decency to look ashamed, blushing furiously now. "Weren't you the one to pester me about dating someone?"
"Well..." she mumbled, shuffling away from me. "I didn't think you would date any of them." Hah! Yeah, right. I could pull my own fucking leg. I kept staring flatly at her, and she looked away to the side, bashful. "I just... wanted you to open up to the idea, that's all. You were so lonely, and the way you were betrayed isn't how all relationships go, so I thought that maybe you could put it behind you and—I don't know—be less bitter about it. I wanted you to consider asking somepony out instead of always denying it from the get-go. It would have been fun gossiping and admiring the colts together. You know? A-as best friends do and stuff..."
Ugh. This again. "You're such a dummy," I grumbled as the feeling of ice returned to my chest. I was open to the idea; you were just too blind to notice what I felt for you. What I still felt for you. Stupid, annoying pink nephilim. "Now that I'm willing to try it, you don't think I should? Why? Is it because you're together with Shiny now?"
Cady looked almost offended at my accusation, visibly shaken. "What? No! This has nothing to do with Shining Armor!" she denied, glaring grumpily at me. "Eight Bit clearly wants something from you!" she explained herself. Or what it actually was: making excuses for herself. "He has been stalking you! I know he only joined the guard to be closer to you. And you know what? He didn't even think of an idea for a date that would have impressed you. He wanted to do something nerdy with you, and then what? You would have snubbed him, anyway!" I blinked as electricity sparked off her wings, the smell of ozone in the air. "I didn't want you to be too disappointed because he fucked it up, so I told him what he should do to appease you at the very least!"
Woah, there! "Okay, okay! Cadance? Cady! Hey! I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me?" I told her, holding up my hooves defensively. "Take a deep breath and let it out..."
She snorted angrily. "I. Am. Calm!"
"Right," I deadpanned, motioning toward the holy energy waiting to be unleashed on a poor, defenseless victim. She gave her wings a betrayed look before crossing her forelegs over each other. "As cute as you are being all pouty,"—I snickered at the blush my comment provoked—" that still doesn't answer why you did it. You could have told him what I liked doing, but you didn't. Instead, you set him up with the perfect date for you . Is Shining Armor not enough for you that you try messing it up for Eight Bit to snatch him away, as well?"
"What?! No!" she denied. "I would never do that to you, Ish! We're... we're best friends." Are we? Sometimes, I wondered. Was that really what we were? Or was she just telling herself that? It was almost like she said that reluctantly. Perhaps I really did misjudge her. Perhaps Shining wasn't keeping Cadance away from me, but Cadance was doing it herself. "I just want you to be happy. Eight Bit is going to break your heart; I know it! He isn't the right... stallion... for you." She looked away, ears wilting in shame.
The right stallion , huh? "That's for me to decide, isn't it?" I reprimanded her, miffed. Bitch.
She flinched. Hesitantly, she turned back around, tears shimmering in her gorgeous, light purple eyes. "I'm sorry, Ish. I've—I haven't been thinking clearly. Can you forgive me?"
I gave her a skeptical look. I wanted to stay mad at her, but... seeing the genuine regret in her eyes at the mere thought of having hurt and manipulated me... I caved into her stupidly adorable face. For fuck's sake... "Fine," I sighed. Then, I held out a foreleg invitingly. "Come here, you, you pest."
"Hey!" she pouted, happily snuggling up to me. "I'm not a pest!"
"Whatever you say, you pink nuisance," I teased her. I received a half-hearted attempt of a swat from her for my troubles. I blushed as she melted against me. She was a friggin' enigma, wasn't she? If I didn't know any better, I would get the wrong idea here.
That wasn't possible, though, was it? She was together with Shining Armor. She was happy with him, wasn't she? And yet, I kept getting these doubts about her. Was she truly happy with him? They haven't even kissed yet (I would know; Shining kept lamenting over the fact she wanted it to be 'memorable,' only to come up with reasons why it wasn't the perfect moment yet).
She certainly acted like she was happy with him whenever I saw her in his presence. On the surface, it was a picture-perfect romance. But beneath it? I was confused. I knew she wasn't putting on an act; her feelings were as genuine as Shining's were, yet something was seemingly holding her back.
Was it her half-angelic nature? Did she fear losing her grace if she gave in to the succubus hungering for his essence? Or did she fear breaking him by accident? For an inexperienced succubus, killing their victim on pure chance without meaning to was entirely possible. Especially a celibate half-succubus like her.
My musings were cut short as Aunt Celestia returned with Shining Armor and a nervous Eight Bit in tow. I gulped. The fearful panic threatened to return, afraid to find out what Eight Bit thought of me after having seen my demonic pony self.
My focus swapped to Shining Armor for a split second, and I wondered why he was there. Did he notice Princess Celestia searching for the brown-gray pegasus? Did he help her? Or did Aunty think it would be a good idea to have him present for the discussion, as well? He was Cadance's boy toy, after all.
Aunty Celestia ordered the two stallions to stand before her, her wings unfurling to their impressive size in an authoritative demand for their full attention. "Cadet Shining Armor, 'Special Agent' Eight Bit," she started, voice firm. "It has come to my awareness that you might have learned government secrets that might endanger my nieces' safety if they became public knowledge."
The air took on a noticeable haze as she made the two stallions sweat. Cady and I shared a glance, only ever having seen our aunt behave so sternly once. Not even the griffons managed to piss her off to the degree she forwent being nice to them altogether.
"If you so much as think about leaking that information, intentionally or not, there will be nowhere you could hide where I wouldn't be able to find you," Aunt Celestia warned them. Eight Bit looked ready to piss his metaphorical pants. I felt a shiver run down my spine as her eyes glowed menacingly. For a moment, I swore they were a bright yellow, slit like mine. A glance at Cady told me she hadn't noticed anything, so I shook my head, unsure. I was seeing things now; Aunty's eyes were completely normal. "I won't tolerate you breaking their hearts in any way. Is. That. Clear?"
"Y-yes, Ma'am!" Shining Armor responded immediately while Eight Bit nodded shakily. Aunt Celestia narrowed her eyes on him testily.
"I-I swear!" he squeaked, adding 'Ma'am' as an afterthought, trying to appear smaller than he was out of fear. "I don't mean her any harm! I—"
"Since you have already informed Cadet Armor, I'm not so sure you understand the severity of the situation," she interrupted him. I felt my heart sink at that revelation. I knew it. Why would he keep quiet if it stood to reason both Cadance and I weren't what we appeared to be? Aunty continued, "A wrong word at the wrong time could irreparably damage the future of Equestria as a whole. I will not see my beloved nieces come to harm because some zealots went on a crusade to root out an 'evil' where there is none. It will be your fault if the chaos of such an event caused the end of Equestria's peace as we know it. Countless lives will be on your hooves." Both stallions cowered in front of her while she glared down at them. "Is that understood?" They nodded meekly. "Good," she smiled, relaxing as her motherly attitude returned as if nothing had happened.
Cadance leaned her head closer to mine, whispering, "Is it weird if I think that was kinda hot?" I mutely shook my head. Holy fuck, I was so glad Aunt Celestia gave us the benefit of the doubt when we first met.
"Now, I'm sure both of you have questions," our aunt continued. "I ask that you don't overwhelm either Cadance or Pleasure, or I will be quite cross with you. Let them explain what they are comfortable with sharing. If I hear you pressed either of them for answers, I won't be so kind with my words the next time." Shining Armor and Eight Bit shuddered as they mutually agreed with a nod to each other to never get on their princesses' wrong side ever again.
Aunt Celestia turned to us with her serene smile, happy to have put that matter to rest. I shifted on my hooves, reluctant to dispel my visage and have them look at me differently. Even now, I could tell Eight Bit was scared of seeing me. My pride as a demon and succubus warred with the pony I had become, having grown more comfortable with how I looked now than I ever did in Hell.
Cadance put a comforting hoof on my shoulder, and I felt the calmness return at the same time as the ache that tore at my heart with the unrelenting anguish of the unreturned feelings I held for her. I turned away, not wanting to see their reactions, and let go. There were a couple of gasps, then silence.
"What kind of batpony are you?" Eight Bit asked, finally. His voice was devoid of fear or accusation, sounding almost fascinated if anything.
"I..." I blinked, rendered speechless. He thought I was some kind of batpony variant? I mean... it wasn't too far off the mark, but... what?
"Are you... taller?" he went on, slowly coming closer as he got more confident. Aunty Celestia watched both stallions with a careful eye as they studied me. Shining's eyes lingered on the picture on my flanks, frowning slightly.
"What happened to your cutie mark?" the white unicorn asked instead.
"This is my cutie mark," I answered, frowning back. Eight Bit also craned his neck to see, so I turned sideways. "It still represents passion, desire, and pleasure."
"What's with the star?" Eight Bit asked, tapping his chin. "And is that supposed to be a tail? I get the horns, even though they look different from yours, but that looks almost like a dragon's."
I blushed as he got a bit too close, and my purple fly swatter took that as its cue to stand up in a clear show of my willingness to get laid. Cadance snickered beside me. "I-it's not a star."
"What you mistake for a star is a pentagram," Aunty Celestia explained. "It is a symbol to ward off evil. Each point represents a different aspect used to contain what is trapped inside. Fire to cleanse, water to purify, air to circulate, earth to ground, and magic—or spirit, as some interpret it—to bind."
"What do you mean, 'contain'?" Shining Armor frowned.
"I am not a pony," I responded, eyes glowing menacingly while my voice took on the typical demonic bite. "Or... not a batpony , to be exact. I do appear as a kind of pony in my true form here." Which was peculiar, to be honest. I thought it was the fault of the summoning spell Prismia used, but my humanoid form was gone. If I wanted to be my bipedal self again, I would have to use a visage.
"And what kind of pony would that be..?" Shining Armor asked me, deliberately staying away from us, thoroughly spooked by my brief antagonism.
I smirked, suddenly standing by his side, whispering hotly into his ear, "Why, a succubus, of course." He stiffened considerably as I brushed the sharp claw of my wing's finger over his back, letting my succubus powers do the rest to instantly turn him horny. I giggled, hiding my smile behind a hoof. "Oh, my. Don't let Cadance catch you eyeing another mare~. You naughty pony!"
"Pleasure," Cady groaned, and I cackled demonically. "Please, don't give him a heart attack?"
I pouted. "You're no fun," I said with a careless shrug. It would be one less problem in my eyes, but alas, doing it on purpose would be counterproductive to me.
Cadance rubbed her leg shyly. "You can do... whatever you want with, uhm... Eight Bit. Just... leave Shiny out of it?" Huh. Was that uncertainty in her voice? How cute.
I sighed dramatically, "Very well, I won't tempt your boy toy into being unfaithful to you. You keep a tight leash on him; maybe buy him a collar or something."
"Hah, hah. Very funny, Ish," she groused, though I did see her try to keep in a smile. Not very successfully, at that. "Do I need to smite you? Or do you want me to put a collar on you?"
I grinned in mischief. "Oh, yes! Please do, Cadance! Punish this naughty, naughty demoness! Ahn~," I moaned exaggeratedly, causing not only her to blush but also the two guards in training. Our aunt was already used to our flirty antics and my particular brand of shenanigans, so she merely shook her head good-naturedly, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, if you want punishment , maybe I should spank you instead?" Cadance teased me back. My heart lurched in my chest while Eight Bit and Shining watched us with slack-jawed muzzles. "But then again, you would love it if I smacked that thick plot of yours until it's flaming raw, wouldn't you?"
I shuddered. "Ngh, fuck..." I pouted, knowing she wouldn't go through with that particular threat. What a bummer. "You're evil. I will be frustrated for the rest of the day, you know that? Fuck, I need to get laid so bad ."
Cadance snickered mercilessly, amused at the obvious arousal clearly on display. And I didn't just mean my tail. Eight Bit hesitantly raised his hoof as if he were in a classroom. At the same time, Shining's eyes bugged out as he noticed where Cadance was staring unapologetically. "Wait a minute, you have a—" he blurted out before I forcefully shut his muzzle with my magic. Rather harshly, too. I growled.
"Yes, I have 'a,' " I sneered. Then, I got an idea. Instead of lashing out at him further, I could just as well drag my best friend down with me. I grinned, "For that matter, Cadance has 'a,' too."
"Bwah—Uh... wha..?" Shining eloquently formulated his response. Cady paled ever so slightly as the unicorn turned to her with a look of realization and horror. "Wait... Princess Celestia said that this secret pertains to both of you. Y-you're a s-succubus, too? You—I—You—What..?"
Cadance decided to rip the band-aid off and revealed her true form to him (and Eight Bit), waiting shyly for him to regain his composure. He was failing miserably. I frowned in disapproval at his reaction. "I'm not 'just' a succubus," she tried to explain, though Shining slumped down to the floor with his ass, staggered. Her ears wilted, her light purple eyes searching for assistance in my fiendishly red ones. I raised a brow, unsure whether or not it was a good idea to explain what had happened to her. I subtly shook my head, and she continued, swallowing nervously, "I'm what's called a nephilim, a half-breed. I, uh... I'm halfway between a succubus and an angel?"
Eh, good enough. I doubted either of them knew what an angel was if they weren't even aware of succubi around these parts. Not commonly, anyway.
"How... how old are you?" Shining managed to speak, crestfallen. Cadance winced. "Is that why you treat me like I'm too young and need to be taught how to be an adult? Cadance, I'm not a foal anymore!"
I snorted. "No, but you act like a juvenile stallion," I responded instead of her, deciding to come to her defense. "Both of you do, in fact. There's nothing wrong with being inexperienced, but you being put off by a girl having a dick? It tells much of your maturity if you hold it against her. Nopony is telling you to suck her off,"—Shining flinched as I made my eyes glow threateningly at his disgusted expression while Eight Bit gulped, nervously eyeing my member with what must be intimidation or fear; I wasn't sure, his emotions were kind of all over the place—" nor is she going to force you under her and ram her pretty cock up that tight ass of yours,"—I ignored Cadance's embarrassed exclamation in favor of berating the unicorn further (though she did look turned on by the idea~)—" so I would be very careful of what you say next. She is a mare—as am I—as much as Aunty Celestia or any other pony saying so is. And don't come at me with 'biology' because that is a weak excuse to treat her with less respect than she deserves."
"I-I would never!" Shining Armor shot back. "I... I love her. That won't change because... because of what... she has."
I snorted, sensing the falsehood from a mile away. "Do not lie to me or her. I can tell when you aren't being entirely honest. It unsettles you, does it not? You feel sick," I accused him, and he flinched. I sighed, wiping the sneer from my face as I adopted a neutral look. Instead of condemning him from the start, I might as well give him a chance to grow in character and maturity. And if not? Well... I would love nothing more than to see him crash and burn. "It's okay. Everypony needs time to get used to something new. You don't have to like it—I know this isn't for everyone—but you must accept that it is a part of her. If you don't, it will drive a wedge between you, whether you want it to or not. Because if you can't accept one part of her, how can you love the whole of her?"
Aunty Celestia hummed approvingly in agreement. "Wise words, my niece," she stated, nuzzling my cheek affectionately with hers. Then she turned to the two stallions with a carefully crafted mask. "I suggest you take some time to think of what you have learned here today and come to terms with the reality of your relationships with my nieces. Remember: not a word to anypony else outside of this group. I won't be so forgiving the next time."
Shining Armor glanced one last time at Cadance before leaving the room in muted shock. I would have loved to mention to Cadance that I told her so, but she was distraught enough as it was. Besides, it felt like a hollow victory to be vindicated in my belief he would inevitably break her heart. I had hoped he was above such poisoned beliefs, but he lived in Canterlot in a neighborhood where he no doubt picked up the fear of being seen as a 'colt cuddler.' His time being shunned in school probably didn't help either.
As open and accepting as Equestria was, for the most part, the Canterlot elite wasn't exactly known for being progressive. It rubbed off on some of the ponies living near the 'nicer' neighborhoods around here (nicer meaning the rich snobs more concerned about their breeding and wealth than being nice). Most unicorns not of 'noble' birth usually grew out of that mindset once they realized it was utter bullshit and that they would be nothing more than pawns in their games (not that I wasn't doing my absolute best to destroy their notions of superiority, anyway).
Eight Bit hesitated as he stood next to me. "I, uh..." he began but stopped to glance back at Cadance with me. Aunty was whispering faintly into her ear, trying to comfort the glum mare to the best of her ability. I frowned, pained to see my best friend in such a distraught state. Fucking Shining Armor, I swear. A hollow victory, indeed. "I'm sorry."
I glanced at the pegasus, raising a confused brow. "What for?"
"About everything," he shrugged. "Or, more specifically, how Shining reacted? I didn't think he would be weird about it."
My frown returned. "Thanks for blabbing to him, by the way," I grumbled. Eight Bit at least had the decency to look ashamed of doing so. "Next time, keep the gossip to yourself."
"I will..." he said, turning back to see my aunt and Cadance hug briefly. "I really am sorry, Pleasure," Eight Bit repeated. From the looks of it, he was genuinely beating himself up about it. Not that his regret mollified me in the slightest. He sighed, looking at me from the side. "Hug her? I would still like to get to know you, even explore what a, you know, "—he gulped shallowly, gesturing vaguely—" relationship would be like with you if you still want to give dating a chance, but..."—he rubbed his neck, unsure of himself—" I understand it if you would rather be with her. You would make for a cute couple."
"Cute?" I asked, snorting. He blushed, starting to get bashful. "You're one weird pony, Bit. You don't find me hideous?"
He raised a brow, confused. "Should I?"
"I'm not exactly 'cute' if you haven't noticed it yet," I reminded him, fidgeting with my sunburnt wings and chipped, cloven hind hooves. I nodded at Cadance meaningfully. "She's what most ponies around here find 'attractive.'"
Eight Bit shrugged. "I'm not like most ponies," he told me. Heh. Well, would you look at that? He had me there, didn't he? "To be honest, I find the dark and intimidating look has its own charms. You are you; I cannot imagine you any other way, whether with these sick ram horns and, uh... extra bits..."—he blushed, stealing another glance curiously—" or as the batpony mare I got to know you as. There's nothing hideous about any of that."
I couldn't help but scrunch up my muzzle as he gave me his reasons. "How... sickeningly courteous of you," I mentioned, smiling despite my misgivings. It was nice being complimented in such an honest and yet naïve way. I might just have to keep him around if he didn't run away screaming once he learned what a succubus truly was. Or what I did and endured in Hell. "We will see where we go from this point onward." Eight Bit nodded, and just as he was about to leave, I called after him, "And Eight Bit? The next time we go on a date, don't listen to Cadance for advice on relationships. She doesn't take too kindly to ponies stalking me."
Eight Bit let out a startled whinny. "I-I wasn't..!" he tried to deny but fell silent as he saw my raised brow. "I... I didn't know where to find work after school, and... everypony going separate ways was kind of scary, so I thought that with Shining becoming a guard, I would have at least two friends here with me. I applied and got accepted the next day, so I assumed you saw it, and, uh..."
"I played favorites?" I remarked, my expression blank. He nodded, ears wilting. I rolled my eyes, exasperated. "Bit, I'd sooner kick you out of the guard and force you to become a software developer than play favorites by helping you with your idiotic scheme." He winced at my bluntness. "If I were playing favorites, I would promote you to my personal bodyguard."
He snorted, smiling in a subdued way. "I thought that was the purpose of my promotion to Special Agent Monster Bait?"
I smirked back, amused. "I suppose it was. Report to Agent Furlong that you have been officially assigned as my bodyguard, then."
"W-wait, what?" Eight Bit sputtered. I chuckled at his reaction, but just to be sure, I summoned a piece of parchment with my demonic contract magic. It was kind of useless to a succubus since we usually ended up being forced into signing the damn things instead of an unsuspecting, hapless mortal. Still, it had its uses of creating a quick message with only a thought. I gave it to Eight Bit, and he blanched at the orders written on it.
The message read as such: "Her Royal Divine Highness, Princess Mi Libidine Passione, Deity of Lust, Fertility and Passion, Matron of the Batpony Tribe, Eternal Defender of the Realm and Her Allies, Commanding Head of the Equestrian Forces, Special Agent of the S.M.I.L.E. Branch, Bane of Monsterkind, She Who Knows Truth from Falsehood, Archon of Desire, Appointed Substitute of the Royal Crown in Emergencies, and Co-Ruler of Equestria, places the pony known as Eight Bit under Her direct command as Personal Security. Henceforth, his rank will reflect that of Special Agent Monster Bait within the S.M.I.L.E. Branch of the military."
"I hope you like long , tedious hours of boredom standing around in one spot while I do paperwork or hold court," I teased him. He looked even more ashen now. "That's what you get for being a 'genius' with your so-called master plan of not losing touch with your friends, my 'dear.'"
I left Eight Bit to his troubled thoughts, cautiously approaching Cadance and Aunt Celestia. The big swan goose murmured a few reassuring words into Cady's ears, prompting the smaller mare to blush before she noticed me. "H-hey, Ish."
"Hey..." I responded, glancing suspiciously at Aunty Sunbutt as she excused herself with a shake of her head and a smile. I swear, I heard a quiet giggle from her as she left us alone in the private dining room. I looked back at Cady, confused. "What was that about?"
"N-nothing," she answered, totally not hiding anything whatsoever. I frowned, not sure whether or not I wanted to know. "So..! You and Eight Bit," she began, rubbing her foreleg awkwardly. "How do you think he took it?"
"Me being a demon?" I asked. "Or the fact I have a dick while I appear like this?"
Cady's face flushed further as her fur tried imitating a tomato. Oh, how I loved seeing her get all flustered... "Both?"
I shrugged. "I'm not sure he understands the implication of me being a succubus, honestly." To be honest, ponies weren't very knowledgeable about demons, monsters, and the undead. Most ponies only thought of the trident and pointy horns when thinking of a common demon; hardly anypony knew anything about the Seven Deadly Sins.
Cadance mirrored my thoughts, saying, "Well, to be fair, most ponies aren't familiar with Heaven and Hell." I made a noncommittal noise. I still couldn't entirely wrap my head around that . Aunty did her best to isolate Equestria and the rest of the world from every other part of existence. Rightly so.
Prior to my summoning to Equestria, I was under the assumption God created everything out of boredom and called it a day before leaving a dickhead in charge of Heaven. Granted, humans usually summoned me, so I wasn't exactly familiar with what the multiverse had to offer beyond God's creation.
I might be jaded here, but my experiences with humanity as a whole wasn't exactly 'wholesome,' and that wasn't even taking into account the nasty shit hiding among mankind. I didn't want to find out what else I might have encountered if I had gone exploring past God's playground, seriously. Ponies were deceptively tame despite the various predators and monsters making this world their home.
There was a reason why ponies were the dominant species on this planet, even though they were considered a 'prey' species. The ability to easily manipulate the weather overshadowed any human magic I had ever encountered. Nor could druidic magic keep up with earthponies when they felt like showing off. Unicorns were comparatively weak, discounting those who had a special talent for magic. Those could wipe the floor with any mage on Earth. And that was not even mentioning Princess Sun on the Butt.
As far as humanity went, I wouldn't know which side would win in case of a conflict. Anything from medieval times would undoubtedly lose, though. It really was a big difference if you merely had access to magic like most human summoners I came across over the years versus having a cutie mark of any kind.
Ponies were more in tune with the universe's fundamental weave to the point I would go so far as to claim that magic was playing favorites. Destiny alone favored the cute, cuddly fuzzballs, so... offend at your own risk was all I would say regarding that.
Now, Heaven and Hell were another matter entirely. If it came to a fight between the forces of angel fucktards versus cuddly ponies versus evil hellspawn, nothing would be left standing as the demons would annihilate anything in their path while the angel pricks wouldn't give a flying fuck unless God told them so. The angels wouldn't even care about the apocalypse until it was their turn to put a stop to it like the 'good' little soldiers that they were.
Ahem! Anyway! Aunt Jellobutt's warning of worse things than Heaven and Hell existing out there still unsettled me. Just the Cthulhu myth alone gave me the shivers. I would be more than happy to never encounter an eldritch horror or worse in my immortal life, seriously. People with tentacles in places where no tentacles should be were more than enough, thank you very much. As far as tentacle monsters went, those were the 'fun' kind. I'd rather not experience what the 'not-so-fun' kind could do to my sanity.
But that was enough of that. Cadance was giving me a contemplative look. "Do you..." she started, shyly rubbing the base of her golden, curly ram horn. "...maybe want to raid the kitchen for snacks? I could use a pick-me-up."
I studied her carefully for a moment, starting to get the feeling she was subtly trying to flirt with me, only to realize that that was what close friends did during relationship drama, right? I nodded, the cold, icy feeling of rejection warring with the small part of me that still held onto the hope she might feel the same way about me but was too scared to confess.
I really needed to see a therapist. I was tearing myself in half over these stupid feelings. Things were simpler back when I could just pretend not to care about what my heart wanted. Having a crush on my best friend sucked ass.
Why did she have to be so friggin' cute and sexy and... her ? I hated it.
If only I could just kiss her without messing everything up.
Shining fucking Armor, I swear.
Author's Note
Phew. Crisis averted. Who saw that coming?
Anyway, I think I will return to the two weeks schedule now, even though I kinda liked getting so many comments over the past few weeks.
That concludes the Despair Arc and on we go with the Double Date looming up ahead. Surely, nothing can go wrong with that idea?
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Chapter 020 - Comfort food and pillow talks.
Cadance and I assumed our alicorn visage before leaving behind the dining room's oppressive atmosphere. The last hour was exhausting and emotionally draining, and the day barely started! I had a real knack for ending up with more drama in my life than I wanted, didn't I?
Anyway, since we were skipping breakfast and all that, snacks were the least the kitchen staff could spare us. We were friggin' princesses; we were allowed to indulge ourselves every now and again. Comfort food was a girl's best friend, no matter the reason. Relationship troubles were just the most convenient reason to stuff our faces with unhealthy food without getting reprimanded for it. And since I was the emotional support, I couldn't just not indulge with my best friend feeling so miserable.
I wasn't just saying that because I raided the pantry for all it was worth in scrumptious fruit. Nope. Not at all. Nuh-uh. Don't listen to Cadance when she tried to insinuate differently. She didn't know what she was talking about. After all, I was a good friend who didn't selfishly hoard all the cherries in the castle. Pfft. What? No! I was a good girl now, remember?
I happily purred as I popped another cherry in my mouth as we skipped our way up the stairs to our private chambers, notifying Raven that we would be unavailable for the rest of the day doing important princess duties and stuff she didn't need to know about because of reasons .
Cadance smiled, a fond expression on her muzzle as she noticed my good mood. "Are you sure you're not part cat?"
I blushed. "S-shut up," I grumbled, jealously guarding my fruit bowl from her attempts to steal from it. I snatched the sneaky cherry straight out of the air as Cadance tried moving it behind my field of view, coming dangerously close to kissing her as she almost succeeded. I blushed even more as she got a rosy tint on her cheeks. "Get your own fruit, bitch."
"If there were any left, sure," she grins slyly. "But somepony is being a greedy bitch about it."
I let out a fake scandalized gasp. "Cadance!" I said, outraged. "Whatever would the press say if they heard you talking in such a way?! Aunt Celestia would be so disappointed in you! Do you have no shame? You uncultured bitch ."
My best friend snorted. "As if," she said, rolling her eyes. "The only one offended by it would be Sunset, and only because she hates us. The newspapers and gossip magazines are already writing non-flattering things about us. Aunty Tia finds it hilarious whenever we do something that subverts the image ponies have of us. Besides, you're one to talk, bitch . Have you seen what they write about you? They think you're turning the E.U.P. into your personal harem."
I grinned proudly. "Only the recruits," I cackled. "The newbies can't resist themselves yet. They are so easy to lure into my trap~."
Cadance hummed, nodding thoughtfully in agreement. "Maybe I should try some of that, too..." I stumbled at the unexpected comment, giving her a disbelieving look. "What..? You don't think I'm happy with my 'nice' princess image, do you?"
I opened my mouth to respond, "Well—"
Cadance interrupted me with an uncharacteristically dark scoff. "I hate having these stupid expectations placed upon me," she grumbled, scowling unhappily. "It's annoying. They view me as this 'can't do no wrong' pony on this impossibly high pedestal, while you... you're actually normal in their eyes. They just shrug, shake their head, and say, 'Oh, the Princess of Lust is doing it again; she knows what she wants. She's a princess not afraid of being true to herself; I wish I could be that confident.' They expect you to be like that because it's so... it's so friggin' you!"
"But—"
"And in the meantime, I'm stuck with 'She's so much like her aunt, it's no wonder she's a princess! I want to be like her!' but secretly, they envy the allure of Princess Forbidden Pleasure more. Do you know what I've heard them saying? 'I bet Princess Cadance must be so jealous of her.'"
"Cadance—"
"And you know what? They're right! I am jealous of you!" she seethed, stomping her hooves angrily. Inconspicuously, I levitated the fruit bowl closer to her in a silent offering of comfort and peace as we approached the hallway leading to our apartment suites. The guards standing watch at the intersection pretended to ignore her emotional turmoil, but I could tell they were curious to know what was going on. I glared at them, daring them to eavesdrop. They would regret talking about anything they heard.
I followed Cadance into her suite, ignoring the abundance of pillows thrown around the room, the many pony plushies that resembled Aunt Celestia or myself, and various other stuffed animals. While she had gotten mostly rid of the pink stuff, it still screamed girly girl from next door to me. She kept redecorating her place every few months or so. The only constant was her kitchen area.
"Better?" I asked as she plopped herself down on the large couch while she demolished the strawberries in the bowl with a generous helping of whipped cream. She mumbled unhappily, wrapping herself in a comfortable, fluffy blanket. Before I could get some spoons for the tubs of chocolate and vanilla pudding, Cady grabbed me with her baby blue horn magic, and I had no choice but to serve as her life-sized plush. I froze up.
"Now everything is perfect," she stated, happily snuggling with me. I squirmed slightly, flustered and scared she would notice my erratically beating heart. "Mhh... Shiny has got nothing on you. I've missed you..."
"I, uhm... I, uh... w-what?" I squeaked out, helluva confused.
"You're so soft," she mumbled, breathing contentedly in with her muzzle buried in my mane. "And you smell better. You don't have the sweaty, musky smell of horse on you that makes me want to gag."
I blinked. "Uhm... thank you?"
Cadance hummed lazily. "You're welcome."
"Is it really that bad?" I asked, curious.
She let out a groan, head slumping down in frustration. "You have no idea. Shiny never uses scented shampoo or perfume."
"Have you told him to?" I questioned, mildly astonished she put up with him if it annoyed her so much.
"He claims he's allergic to it," she scoffed.
"Uh-huh," I grunted, skeptical. I was sure he just wanted to prove he was as manly as the other guards. Stallions, seriously. "So... the musky smell of a stallion is a turn-off for you?"
"I guess," she groused. "My previous coltfriend wasn't any better. At least he didn't complain about the scented candles in my bedroom."
"And Shining Armor does?"
"Not so much about the smell, but he gets pouty when I don't want to cuddle with him without them," she explained, and I saw her frown as I turned to look at her. I never expected her to be anything but happy to have him as her special somepony. She returned to sniffing my mane after I turned my head back around, giving her what she wanted. "You kinda smell like a candle, now that I think about it..."
"I'm a succubus, Cadance," I reminded her. "I smell like what you want me to smell like."
"So that hint of rotten egg whenever you get mad is what you actually smell like?"
I scrunched up my muzzle. "No," I denied. "That's... complicated. You don't always smell like ozone to yourself, do you?"
"Not when I'm not mad about something..." she responded, thoughtful. "Is that what 'holy magic' smells like?"
"As I said, it's complicated. Magic doesn't have a 'flavor' or 'scent;' it's the stench of sin or virtue that changes how a demon or angel smells. You're a nephilim; should you feel righteous anger, you will smell of lightning, just as you would smell of rotten eggs if you let hate control your anger."
"I see..." Cadance hummed. "So... what do I smell like normally?"
"Your shampoo, for one," I said, snickering as I could tell she expected something different as she deflated ever so slightly. "And whatever else you're using to smell nicer."
"So I don't smell of what you like?" she pouted.
I shook my head, smirking in amusement. "I wouldn't know unless you stopped using your flowery shampoo and perfume." Not that I wasn't weak to that, already. Besides, it wasn't like I would admit she smelled like angel and sin to me.
Cady let out a 'Huh' at that. "Wait... does that mean you didn't shower?"
I snorted. "I didn't have hygiene on my mind after waking up today. If you haven't noticed, I kind of had a panic attack about being found out today."
Cadance winced noticeably against me. "Sorry..."
"Don't be," I sighed, grabbing a grape from the fruit bowl. After a second or two of playing with it in my mouth, I bit down on it, savoring the refreshing sweetness. "I was a silly pony expecting Eight Bit to react like a religious human would."
"I'm still mad he told Shining Armor about it," she grumbled testily. "He had no right to share that with him."
I shrugged listlessly. "They are best friends; of course, they will talk. I'm glad they didn't spread the news before Aunty found them. Celestia forbid Sunset found out about it."
Cadance shuddered against me. "Yeah, that would have been bad," she agreed, trembling slightly in fear. "I just know she would have used it against us to spread unrest amongst everypony. I had hoped she would mellow out after Aunty adopted her, but... she seems even more determined to find something to get rid of us."
I nodded, peeling a banana. "What's she gonna do, though? Stab me with a holy sword? I doubt anything short of an angel's blade could kill me now." Not that I wouldn't revive at some point, anyway. The question was when and where. I wasn't a fan of being turned to ash .
My best friend squirmed against me, uncomfortable. She stole the top half of my fruit before I could bite into it. "Please don't talk like that," she pleaded while I scrunched up my muzzle, giving her a miffed look. I sighed, nodding at her request as my ears wilted. I needed to remember ponies didn't do well with such morbid topics.
We silently contemplated our life and our lot in it as we snacked on fruits, chocolate, pudding, ice cream, and everything else we could get our hooves on. Cadance had a stash of homemade cookies in a big box, and we combined everything with everything, even the cookies and pudding. The one rule of comfort food was that you didn't give a fuck about how disgusting a combination was if it tasted great—except for pickles and mustard. That shit should not be allowed unless you were pregnant, and even then, it was a questionable combination.
Now, chocolate and cheese worked surprisingly well with each other. As did cheese with everything else, to be honest. It was like a universal rule or something. Especially if it was melted cheese. You just couldn't go wrong with cheese.
Anyway, by the time we decided to do something else other than experiment with every combination we could think of, we were stuffed so full that the only option we felt up to was watching bad sitcoms on the television. I've gotten used to the off-color, glimmering quality of 'modern' Equestrian televisions, but by dear God, even the pony versions of telenovela were abysmally bad.
I supposed trash TV was a universal constant, as well. At least it was funny enough to talk shit about how bad it was. I was sure the actors would be in tears if they heard us talking about how unrealistic their performance was or how dumb the characters were for not realizing the drama could have easily been avoided if they had been honest from the start. Some were also hilariously blind to notice their friend was into them big time.
Ah, trash TV. You gotta hate and love it.
Once we got bored of doing that , we went back to idly chatting and snacking on whatever was left of our comfort food.
"Do you still want to go on that date with me?" Cadance asked, and I blinked, confused and suddenly hopeful. "The one I talked about?"
"I, uh... yes? Definitely. I'd love to," I breathed out, nervous. "When do you want to..?"
"It depends on what Shining says, but I was hoping next week?" she proposed, dashing all my hopes instantly. Right. The double date. How dumb of me. "Assuming Eight Bit is okay with it."
"So... what happened to 'He isn't the right guy for you'?" I asked, cold bitterness biting into my heart. If only I wasn't such a coward to tell her the truth...
Cadance rubbed a hoof over her fetlock, looking down glumly. "I was wrong about him, and... I'm sorry. He took the news a lot better than I expected. Better than Shiny did."
"Hey," I said, nudging her gently. "It's going to work out, you will see. And if it doesn't, you can just dump him, you know? No one is telling you have to marry the guy."
"I..." she mumbled, fidgeting with her wings. "I can't just do that. He will hate me and tell everypony what I am!"
I huffed out an angry breath of air. "If he does, he's got a serious death wish," I told her, sneering. "Not only will Aunty Tia turn him into a pony well-done, but I'll rip him a new one where his dick is supposed to be. Trust me, he won't go telling anyone."
"It... uhm... would break his heart if I broke up with him..." she weakly responded, but I shrugged uncaringly. I was already tempted to redouble my efforts in the Dream Realm to torture the guy because he made her doubt herself. Screw him, seriously.
"Cadance, don't take this personally, but not every guy is a knight in shining armor. If he won't make you happy, why are you even together with him?"
I watched as she stared at her hooves, going through a multitude of expressions within a couple of seconds. Finally, she settled on resignation. "I guess it's just a habit. I'm the Princess of Romantic Love, aren't I? Being in a relationship is my calling. How can I inspire others to be open for relationships and confess their feelings if I'm not willing to be the role model for them?"
"Even if that love is toxic?" I questioned her challengingly. Her head whipped around to face me in shock. Before she could protest, I elaborated, "Think about what kind of example you're setting by being in a relationship that makes you deeply unhappy.
"I know, breaking up with someone shouldn't be the default answer to relationship troubles, but when you aren't even interested in the guy beyond appearances, what do you think ponies will think of that? You have this idea that the first nice guy will make for a happily ever after, but that's not how it works. Either you click with each other, or you don't.
"Shining Armor is an idiot that is, on the surface, great. But when you are grossed out by him and don't even want to kiss him—don't give me that look; I know you haven't—perhaps take that as a hint and ask yourself what you truly want. Not what the dumb, little filly from a few decades ago wanted or what society 'expects' of you. Be honest with yourself because any relationship will feel hollow if you can't do that much."
Cadance met my eyes with tears glistening in hers, and I smiled in a manner only reserved for her. "Ish..."
"Take it from me, Cady," I said, gently pressing my forehead against hers. "I fucked it up more times than I'd care to admit. You saw how my relationship ended, and that was the epitome of bad decisions and toxic relationships. I settled for the first guy that had no problem with me being a whore; I felt no love for him, did my best to please him out of some sense of obligation and wanting to be the best girlfriend I could be, and then ended up being murdered by my ex, anyway.
"I'm not the pony you should be asking relationship advice about, but I know one thing: don't force yourself into a relationship and always, always communicate. And if it turns out you don't want a relationship, then that's fine, too. Just because you're the Princess of Love doesn't mean you must be in a relationship."
"Thanks," Cadance mumbled back, a distant look in her eyes.
"Yeah, well... don't mention it," I responded awkwardly, moving my head away from her. "Seriously, don't. I'm not a big motivational speaker; there's loads of bad advice I could give you because of my screwed-up perspective. Heck, you shouldn't even take everything I just said as the be-all-end-all of relationship advice and decide what you think is best."
Cady blushed brightly. "I'll... keep that in mind," she said, levitating a cupcake over from... somewhere. "I suppose this date will give me all the answers I need, then. I do like Shining, but.... perhaps just as a friend. We will see."
Right. I would have to ask myself whether or not I wanted to give dating Eight Bit a fair chance, too. He was fun to be around and not too shabby in the looks department, either. Now, if only I could convince him to be true to himself and give being a software developer another chance. I knew he would do great things if he were at the forefront of the gaming industry once it started popping off in the next couple of decades.
He had so much fucking potential it was criminal not to pursue it.
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Chapter 021 - Double dates and shimmering sunsets.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. 