Chapters Post-Nothing Part 1: Superunknown
“Get up, you slacker.” I said to my roommate early in the morning. “You’ve got shit to do.” He stirred in his bed for a while, but never actually did anything. I found this the highlight of my morning; trying to get his lazy ass out of bed. “Seriously, you’ve got a job now! You have responsibilities.”
My roommate, Coleton, reluctantly rolled out of bed in a very anime-esque fashion. “Walker, why is it that whenever I sleep, you feel the urge to wake me up, but whenever you sleep, I have the common decency to not disturb you?”
“Because I pay the rent around here, smartass!” I said sarcastically. “I trust you to get ready and get out of here quickly. I’ve had to save both of us from the streets with a couple of extra shifts here and there, and if you actually helped with the bills, maybe I could be the lazy one with a change.”
He laughed. “So unnecessarily harsh, man!” I laughed too. It was fun having a roommate who shared your sense of humor. We were both dirt poor. I mean, straight out of college, NO ONE can make ends meet easily. Luckily, with the help of a good degree and a good college, I was offered a decently paying engineering job a couple of blocks from the apartment. Coleton had a job prior, but it didn’t pay jack shit, and he was never able to pay for much on his own. We decided to become roomates and pay for a decent apartment. It was large enough, with two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a room for our instruments. Having a decently popular local band was also a way to make ends meet, and we were getting some nice offers from local record producers.
Of course, his new job paid better, and I was depending on it to make ends meet around here. Even with my job and the band, this apartment’s rent was staggering. But he was responsible enough, so I left the apartment trusting him to do what he needed.
My first order of business was to meet my girlfriend at the local Starbucks. Tedious, but she kept me sane in this ever so messed up world we lived in, the least I could do is listen to her talk for an hour or two before my workday starts.
The job was simple enough, too. The boss was very lenient about due dates, and I was usually the first one in my “group” of engineers to get what he wanted done. 3D Modeling was easy; it was something you could do with the software on one screen and Reddit on the other.
After my job, I went to the local music store. It was one of those obscure treasures; hardly anyone ever went in there except for those who were in the know about the local music scene. Smooth jazz played constantly over the vintage stereo system, and the manager was always smiling; it was a cool joint. I picked up a couple of Beatles CDs, a Zeppelin bootleg Coleton wanted me to get for him, and Dan Auerbach’s solo project Keep it Hid and headed back home.
When I got home, Coleton wasn’t there. He didn’t sleep through his shift, I thought. That’s good. I popped Keep it Hid in my stereo and browsed 4chan until Coleton got home at around 5. I felt bad for him. He worked more hours than me, and hardly makes as much as I do. I perished the thought, though, and handed him the CD he wanted. He thanked me for it by giving me a friendly slap in the face.
“Come on, man. Let’s go to the bar.” He said. I really didn’t feel like getting out, but it was Friday, and with his new job, he could use some alcohol in his system just as much as I did. I eventually agreed, and we walked out the door.
Since we lived in the most densely populated section of Seattle, everything was very close to everything else; we didn’t even walk for ten minutes before we reached the familiar “18 and under prohibited” sign on the window. We met a couple of our other friends, Bryan and Hannah, in our signature booth. We were pretty well known around them for all of the concerts we did, and we were actually playing a gig there tomorrow. But that was the future, and we just wanted to have fun and get blitzed.
We sat down, said hey to our friends, and ordered a few beers to start of the night. “So hey,” said Bryan, breaking the silence. “Did you guys hear about this new local grunge band?” I knew what he was talking about. They came in last Tuesday night and tore the place up. They mostly played crappy Melvins and Toadies covers, but the energy coming from them was insane; they were a new level of crazy.
Our conversations usually went like this. It started off with a simple topic, then as we got drunk, our topics got more diverse. I remembered distinctly having an argument over the significance of Greek mythology with Coleton that almost resorted to fist-fighting; we had weird interests. Some really good blues band was playing Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughan covers as our conversation turned to My Little Pony. It was no secret that we were bronies; hell, Bryan was wearing his “Doctor Hooves” shirt and making no attempt to hide it.
Hannah looked up from her third beer to bring up a unique topic. “You know those reality transporters my work uses?” Everyone nodded. Ever since someone proved the alternate reality theory a couple of years ago, scientists had worked towards communicating with these alternate realities, and a Dutch scientist finally manufactured and patented a transportation machine between these realities at the beginning of that year. Hannah’s job was to expand our reality’s knowledge to other less informed realities in exchange for money. It was a recently developed job; it had only been introduced when the transporters themselves were put up for sale at the beginning of that year.
“Yeah.” replied an obviously drunk Coleton. “What about them?” Hannah sunk in her seat. “Nothing really, I just thought it would make for a good conversation.” Coleton laughed. “Well, that wasn’t true, was it?” Coleton was usually a nice guy, but when he reached a certain level of drunkenness, he became more blunt and spoke his mind more.
The night went on, getting progressively weirder, and it was around two in the morning when Coleton and I got back to the apartment, both of us drunken messes. I popped Soundgarden's Superunknown into the CD player, and basically flopped onto my bed, falling asleep instantly.
I woke up around an hour later with a nasty hangover. My head was killing me, and no amount of Advil could help. I eventually decided to wait it out, and stay up for a while. I got up, and Coleton was, not surprisingly, still asleep. I decided to watch TV, but there was nothing on but infomercials. I browsed the internet for a while until I had the sudden, but fierce, urge to pee. I ran to the bathroom and relieved myself.
“What’s that?” I heard a familiar female voice say. It sounded poppy and happy, and it sounded like it was coming from the door. I looked up at the door, but I didn’t see anything. I must be hearing things, I thought. Must be the hangover. I thought nothing of it and continued.
“I mean, seriously! It’s just hanging there!” There’s the voice again! I looked back at the door, but looked further down. around the frame of the door sat a small, weird silhouette. It looked to be around two feet tall. I reached over and turned the light on. Sitting right there, watching me urinate, was a pink, fluffy, jittery pony I knew only as Pinkie Pie.
My initial reaction was fear; not the truly weird “It’s a character from a fictional TV show!” type fear, but the “holy crap, she’s seeing the full package” type fear. She had caught me with my pants down, quite literally, and I pulled them up as fast as I could.
But no, that wasn’t it. From behind Pinkie came another familiar voice. “Pinkie, what did I tell you about keeping quie-“ said Twilight as she emerged from the room across from the bathroom, but she stopped abruptly at the sight of me. “I’m sorry sir! Please excuse us!”
The reality of the sight had yet to sink in. My aching head could only process the fact that there were two ponies in my bathroom, it couldn’t seem to process how weird it was. “It’s alright.” was all that he could seem to say. “So Twilight,” said Pinkie. “How do we get out of here?” The reality of the situation finally hit me like a gunshot, and I screamed as loud as I could. Twilight and Pinkie both jumped at the sound.
“What is it, sir?!” asked Twilight urgently. Could she seriously not see what was weird about two ponies from a fictional TV show standing in his bathroom?! I took a deep breath. Where to start? “Listen, I think you should sit down somewhere, this may take a bit of explanation from both parts.”
Post-Nothing Part 2: Thickfreakness
“First off, let me introduce myself.” I finally said. “My name is Walker Scott. I live here with my friend Coleton Howard in Seattle, Washington.” Twilight was the first to respond. “Nice to meet you, Walker. My name is Twilight Sparkle, and this is my friend Pinkie Pie.” I decided that being blunt would be the only way to get anywhere in this conversation. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I already knew that.” Damn, that sounded better in my head.
Twilight didn’t respond. she just gave him a quizzical, perplexed look. I figured the only thing to do was to show her. I picked up the first season DVD of MLP and gave it to her. She looked at the cover with awe. “Why are we on the cover?” she asked. Pinkie had already lost interest, and had turned on the TV to watch Saturday morning cartoons. Bluntness, I remembered. “Because you guys are on a TV show. This show is called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Along with your other four friends, you and Pinkie are the main characters.”
The awkwardness in the room was almost too much to bear. Twilight sighed. She was taking all of this information quite well. I would have freaked out by now. “I understand. Allow ourselves to explain:
“A group of humans recently came to Ponyville. They came in a type of device they called the “Reality Transporter.” They brought with them the offer of information in exchange for bits. Celestia accepted this offer, but she also bought a “Reality Transporter” from them and entrusted me with it. I’m here because Pinkie wanted to see what other realities there were, and I agreed in order to try it out. She also gave me a task to gather information from wherever we ended up, and in this case, it is the human world.”
“That group of humans actually exists in this reality.” I said. “They’re a company whose business is exactly what they did with you; information in exchange for money. My friend works for them.” I almost forgot about my friends. I would have to call them about this. “Wait,” I said, something occurring to me. “Wouldn’t you need a place to stay while gathering information?”
Twilight nodded. “I figured that if we couldn’t find a place to stay, we could return and try again. We have actually been through six realities before we came across yours. None of those six provided any hospitality.” A thought popped into my head, but I tried to stop it from developing. Don’t do it. I thought. They would be liabilities. We would have to feed them and take care of them. This is a new world for them, after all. I decided against letting them stay, and it took a lot of courage, but I finally stood up, and said in the most compassionate voice I could muster: “Feel free to stay here however long you need if you like.” Dammit, mouth.
“Thank you so much, Walker!” yelled Pinkie, who came over and gave me a big hug. As soon as she hugged me, I realized why she was the party pony; she could brighten any situation. Twilight thanked me while prying Pinkie Pie off of me. “Well,” I said finally. “Get some sleep, feel free to crash wherever you like, but we’re gonna have to talk to my roommate in the morning, ok?” Pinkie didn’t need to be told twice, and she basically dove into my couch, falling asleep instantly. Twilight couldn’t find a place to sleep, unfortunately, the floors were hardwood, and the chairs were too small to support her. Another thought. “You can sleep in my bed if you please.” SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! My brain screamed at me, but it was too late. The words had already been said, Twilight had already thanked me and gone to the bedroom to sleep. That’s alright, I thought to myself. I can sleep on the floor. The hardwood floor.
Post-Nothing Part 3: Little Bird
“Hey, I’m sorry, OK?” It was around eleven in the morning when I was trying to calm Twilight down, but she was too scared. It was funny; you leave one little Soundgarden CD in your CD player and it decides to convulsively play the most violent demented song on the CD. In the middle of the morning with a guest from a fictional TV show, nonetheless.
It didn’t surprise me that Pinkie was up when Twilight and I walked into the living room. She wasn’t just awake; she was MEGA awake. She had already ransacked the kitchen, leaving the pantry and the floor a mess. I didn’t even have to guess what she was doing. From the cracked eggshells on the counter and the spilled bag of flour on the ground, I had a pretty good idea.
“Cupcakes, everybody!” she yelled from the kitchen. I walked in to see the most scrumptious looking cupcakes I had ever seen. But before I could devour all of them in a single bite, something occurred to me.
“Guys.” I said with a grin, trying not to laugh. “It’s time to meet Coleton.” Twilight looked up from her commonplace breakfast of cereal and toast. “Oh yeah. Coleton‘s your roommate, correct?” I nodded. “Yup, and unlike me, he’s probably gonna flip, so don’t be surprised by anything he does, OK?”
Pinkie just smiled and jumped around. “Yay, a new friend! Is he nice? Is he funny? is he smart? Is he a good friend?” I just rallied off the answers in a vain attempt to calm her down. “Kinda, kinda, yes, and definitely. Now I would recommend you guys hide. Come out when I give you the signal.” They just hid behind the couch, which was a pretty good spot.
I walked into his room and flicked the lights on and off rapidly. “Get up, man. It’s eleven-thiry.” I couldn’t say I expected him to get up immediately, but he was going at the rate of a pothead snail; I figured it was because of the hangover; mine had long since worn off, but he was just now getting up. This was going to be good.
When he finally slithered out of bed, he gave me a look of annoyance. “Why so early?” I laughed. “I made you some breakfast, so go eat. I tried to eat it all, but I got full to fast.” He walked into the kitchen to look at the mess of baking goods. “What the crap did you do?!” he said astonished. I guess I forgot about it. “I’ll clean it up later, but just eat now. The cupcakes are on the table.”
He sat down, and a look of realization dawned on him. “Funny, considering we both overslept the new MLP, that you decided to make cupcakes like Pinkie.” I had forgotten about the new episode completely; it was better to have the real thing. “Well, I didn’t make them.” Coleton didn’t even stop eating. “Who did?” he muttered from the other side of the table. I laughed. “Who makes cupcakes the best?” I said, suppressing the need to just yell for them to come out.
A look of perplexity washed over Coleton’s face. He knew what I was implying but he didn’t realize what it meant. I couldn’t wait any longer. “Come on out, Twilight! You too, Pinkie!”
The look on his face was priceless. To see the purple and pink ponies emerge from behind the couch was no surprise to me; I had met them and talked to them the night before, But to him, it must have been so physically impossible, he couldn’t form any words other than “wha-wha-what?!” I would have died laughing if it wasn’t such an understandable reaction. At that point, the only thing we could do was to explain it to him. We explained how they got here and what they were doing here. I even had to explain that they would be crashing with us until they went back. After everything was said, it was just two humans and two ponies sitting in awkward silence. “Well,” Coleton said, walking to the fridge. “What a way to start a day.”
“Get ready, guys!” I yelled to Pinkie and Twilight. “We’ve got some things to learn.” As we left the apartment, it finally dawned on me that Coleton and I would be walking through heavily populated Seattle, Washington with two ponies from an animated TV show. I guess it was too late to do anything about it, but it would be super embarrassing. We swallowed our pride and headed out the door.
“So this is Seattle, Washington.” I said to Pinkie and Twilight, both in awe over their surroundings. And that…” I pointed to my street… “is where we live. It’s a complicated city, so don’t try to go around without one of us to guide you.” It was laughable how amazed these two were with the world I had grew up with and now saw as kind of crappy. I decided to make an itinerary in which I take them to the most important places first, and go to the least important places last. So the next destination was, of course, the bar.
“This is a bar, guys!” I said to Pinkie and Twilight. I figured that they had some sort of variant of a bar in Ponyville, so I wasn’t surprised when they showed very little interest. I guess I took them here to tell them about the gig tonight, so they could attend it. It’s not like they really had any choice, and a social gathering like a music performance could get them more accustomed to the people here and help them fit in (well, as much as a cute pony could).
Next was Publix. I figured if they were staying for any extended period of time, they would need to know where they would get their food. The day was interesting; it was just walking around to parts of the city, but the look of surprise on the two ponies’ faces at every new stop was just priceless. Especially when I took Pinkie to the local mall; she had a field day. She had no idea where to go, and was bouncing left and right until we had been in every store at least twice. I was saving the best for last though.
“And this is the local library.” I said finally. Twilight, even with the amount of walking we had done that day, dashed into the library faster than I had ever seen anyone run, and stood in amazement at the size of it. “Where do I go?” She asked. I chuckled at the notion that the one thing Twilight didn’t know was, in fact, what to do when she didn’t know something. “There’s a directory right there.” I said. Follow the directions on the directory to get to whatever category of book you want.” I realized that she would want to stay for a while, so I offered to leave her there and come pick her up an hour before the concert, which she readily agreed to.
As Coleton, Pinkie and I headed back home, Pinkie asked what exactly a “gig” was. She had heard us say it all the time, but she didn’t know what it meant. I told her that it was a music show at a place such as a café or a bar that people went to in order to listen to music and socialize. “And you,” I said in an arrogant tone, “are going to be witnessing the best one of all time tonight!”
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Post-Nothing Part 4: The Great Gig in the Sky
“Ugh, I’m so BORED!” yelled Pinkie from the corner of the music room in our apartment. My band, consisting of Coleton, my friend Jake, My friend Mark and I had been loading up equipment in our van for the past 30 minutes, and Pinkie was too small to do anything. It was a bit awkward having to explain everything to the other two members of the band, and I wasn’t sure they quite believed us, but we were on our way to the bar without much problems.
We finally got to the bar around six o’clock, two hours before our gig. By the time we got set up on stage, we had an hour and a half left, and we decided to sit down and have some drinks. I got a couple of beers and sat back to talk. Pinkie joined us, and at the sight of the glass bottles of beer, asked what they were. I told her about what beer was, and she asked for some. I knew it would be a bad idea and that it would probably make Pinkie Pie even more hyper and crazy than she already was, so I didn’t give her one. I acted on my better judgment and got her two.
At around seven, Coleton, Pinkie and I left to pick up Twilight. I realized the mistake I had made giving Pinkie alcohol when we got out of the bar and she couldn’t walk straight. Or walk at all. Or stand up without some type of support. Coleton looked at me with a look of pure contempt. It was the maddest I’d seen him. Of course, giving a pink party pony two beers probably wasn’t my most honorable move, but I had been drinking and thought it was a good idea.
We finally picked up Twilight at around 7:15. She was nagging me about my decision to give Pinkie alcohol, but I blocked her out. When we got back to the bar, we had some time before we had to start playing, so I sat Pinkie down and told her to not order a single drink. She just laughed, not even forming coherent sentences anymore. My actions got to me in an awkward laugh of remorse and anxiety. Twilight wanted to stay with Pinkie to keep her from drinking, but we told her to have fun and that we would keep an eye on her from the stage.
“Alright.” Mark said into the microphone as the clock hit eight. “We are the Monorails, and we will be playing some songs for you tonight. We’ll start off heavy.” We played Walk by Avenged Sevenfold, which in itself was a cover of Pantera, but we didn’t care. It went pretty well. The night went on and on, and the band started having fun.
At around nine, I looked around the room to look for Pinkie. She was where she was supposed to be, but she had a waitress with her. I could hear what Pinkie was saying from behind the drums, but I saw her mouth, and I could read lips. She was saying Vodka.
No. No. Nononononononononononono! This wasn’t happening! She couldn’t be shooting shots of vodka! If she was tipsy from two beers then vodka would be the end of her! IT WAS ALL MY FAULT! IT WAS ME WHO GAVE HER BEER IN THE FIRST PLACE! I looked over to Coleton, and he saw it too, because all of the blood was drained from his face.
We were playing Black Math by the White Stripes, which features a long complicated solo in the middle. What Coleton did….. was the most genius thing I’ve ever seen him do. He grabbed his slide, played with a slide for the remainder of the solo until he saw the bartender walking over with Pinkie’s order. He took the slide, and through it into the crowd under the guise that it was a “gift” to the crowd, but “overthrew” it on purpose, hitting the waitress and spilling the vodka.
After Black Math, we had a 30 minute break, and another band came up. It was no question what was going to happen. We grabbed Pinkie and dragged her back to the apartment. She resisted, but she was so drunk it wasn’t hard to keep her subdued. We locked her in the apartment, took the key, and left. I felt bad; it wasn’t her fault that she got drunk. I was the one who order her beer, and I was ashamed of myself. I told Twilight when we got back to the bar, and while she was mad at me for giving her beer in the first place, she agreed that what we did was the right thing.
We got back on stage and played the best gig we had ever played. It hurt that Pinkie wasn’t there to see it, as I did promise here that she would see us play the best gig of all time, but it was better than having to watch over her. After the set, we got paid and left as fast as we could. We agreed to leave the instruments there and get them back to the apartment during the daylight so no one could steal them.
We got back to the apartment, and the smell of vomit was potent. I told Twilight to sleep in my bed again, and that I would arrange for her to sleep in the living room tomorrow. As soon as she shut the door, Coleton and I went back to the bedroom to inspect the damage.
The bedroom was spotless, and the only thing that needed to be done was to spray some Lysol and it was fine. The bathroom next to the bedroom, however, was a different story. It… was…. destroyed. The sink, the toilet, EVERYTHING was covered it sickly sweet pink vomit (sorry for the imagery, just have to make my point). The second the door was open, Coleton yelled “not it!” and ran in the living room to sleep on the couch. I wanted to yell at Coleton, but the sight of a sleeping Pinkie Pie took my thoughts away from anger. Even after such a rough night, she still looked cute sleeping. It was her sleeping grin that got me through all of the cleaning, and it was the grin that made it all worth it. The fact that I would have to deal with a hung over Pinkie in the morning didn’t help, but that was Future Me’s problem. I slept on the floor for the second time that week, but it was worth it.
Post-Nothing Part 5: Dimension
I woke up to the sound of Twilight screaming. Dammit, I thought, what woke her up this time? I walked into my bedroom to find, surprisingly, an empty bed. But where was Twilight? I walked back into the living room to see the familiar glow of the computer screen. Twilight was sitting there, disgusted and speechless, with Coleton attempting to explain something to her.
“What happened?” I asked. Coleton looked back at me. “I was teaching her how to use the internet for her report to Celestia, and I was teaching her about Google Images. After explaining to her how to use it, she tried it out by searching the term ponies.” I was confused. “Why does she look disgusted?” Coleton sighed. “Safesearch was off.”
Oh dear Celestia. I laughed harder than I had laughed since Twilight and Pinkie came here. I thought about what exactly Twilight saw, but my thoughts were cut short when I saw it was only eight in the morning. “Why are you guys up so early?” I asked.
“Today is Sunday. Church, remember?” Coleton said. “Twilight saw me getting ready, and wanted to tag along to see what religion was like here.” I was a Christian, but I never saw the point in church. I prefer to show my dedication to my religion by helping others and being a good person. “Why don’t I hang around here, and help Pinkie when she wakes up?” I said.
Coleton had forgotten about what happened with her the night before and immediately agreed that it would be the best thing to do. When Coleton and Twilight left, I finally relaxed; it was the first time in a long time I had complete silence, and I was going to take advantage of it.
It was around ten in the morning when Pinkie came out of the bedroom. She was a mess. Then again, no one looks good coming off of a hangover, but seeing Pinkie looking so bad was out of character for her. “Hey, Pinkie.” I said when she came to the couch and sat next to me. “You alright?” She looked at me and tried to laugh, but she couldn’t. “Sorry about what happened last night.” was all I could think to say. “I shouldn’t have let you drink like you did.” She looked at me and smiled. “It’s okay, I didn’t know what beer was like, and I shouldn’t have tried it in the first place.”
Knowing Pinkie didn’t hate me for what I did was one of the most relieving feelings in the world. I hugged her. “Lemme make something to eat. We need to get that hangover gone.” She looked at me with a look of confusion on her face. “What’s a hangover?”
“It’s that crappy feeling you have the night after you drank too much.” was all I could say before I went to the kitchen. It was obvious that coffee would help. I made some coffee, some bacon, some eggs, and got some fruit. When I walked into the living room with a tray full of food, I saw Pinkie’s face light up. As soon as I sat it down on the table, she devoured the fruit. She picked up the coffee to take a drink, and a wave of panic went through me. “Pinkie, don’t-!“
Too late. She had already tipped the coffee into her mouth. As soon as the black liquid hit her tongue, her face went white and she spit it out onto the ground, leaving black liquid all over the floor. “Sorry.” She said. I felt extremely bad for her. She started off her visit by making a fool of herself in a packed bar (as a result of me), she had a nasty hangover, and she burnt her mouth on the coffee I should have warned her about. “Don’t worry about it.” I said. “You wanna watch TV?” I asked, picking up the remote control and switching the TV on. I found an old cartoon playing that Pinkie and I watched for the remainder of the hour.
“So, Pinkie.” I said, breaking the silence. “What’s Ponyville like?” She laughed. “Don’t you already know from that show, silly?” She had a point; I had probably seen most of the city on the show. “Well, what’s Equestria like?”
“It’s something I can’t explain. Maybe when you come back with us you can see it.” I spit my coffee out when she said this, and she gave her signature grin. “Looks like you forgot about the coffee too!” After I cleaned up my coffee mess, I asked Pinkie about what she said. “What do you mean ‘coming back with us’?”
“When you guys come with me and Twilight to Ponyville, of course!” said Pinkie. Her hangover was gone, which made me feel better. “Did Twilight tell you this?” I asked. “Twilight talked to me about getting you and Coleton to come back with us! She said that she wanted to thank you for letting us stay here for the weekend. She was planning on leaving tomorrow, and asking you guys to come with us this evening. Do you want to?”
“Well, of course.” I said. I didn’t even need to think about it, and Coleton would most likely feel the same way. “GREAT!” Pinkie yelled at the top of her lungs. Pinkie and I talked about what would happen when we got to Ponyville until Coleton came back with Twilight, laughing his ass off for some reason. “What’s so funny?” I asked, intrigued.
Coleton, through laughter, finally responded. “She asked the priest to explain Christianity, and when he started, she pulled out paper and started taking notes!” He was laughing on the floor now, with both Twilight and I giving him dirty looks. He was laughing because Twilight wanted to know about our religion? Why is that funny?
He finally regained his composure, and sat down by Pinkie, leaving me to stand up with Twilight. “So Twilight,” I finally asked, “What’s this I hear about us coming back to Ponyville with you guys?”
She looked at Pinkie, obviously suspecting her of telling me about it. “Pinkie,” she said disapprovingly, “It was supposed to be a surprise.” I stood up and explained it to Coleton. “Twilight is planning on leaving tomorrow and letting us come with them to Ponyville for a little while.” As expected, Coleton was pretty excited, and was more than happy to come with us. After it was registered that we were going, Twilight told us about what was going to happen when we got there, which I had already heard from Pinkie. When we got there, we were going to be welcomed by everyone, and we would go to Zecora and get our form changed to fit in in their world. Then we could just hang out around Ponyville. We would be living in the library with Twilight and Spike during our stay. Coleton and I were so excited, we couldn’t sleep that night. Twilight was sleeping on a makeshift bed in the living room, but I eventually let her sleep in my bed (making sure to turn off all music before doing so) and sleeping on the makeshift bed myself. It was the least I could do for them, letting us live in Ponyville for a while.
Post-Nothing Part 7: Serve the Servants
“Hey, Walker. Wake up!” I heard through my sleep-fogged ears. I opened my eyes to see a small, green and purple baby dragon making the most terrifying look I had ever seen mere inches from my face. “AHH!!” I yelled, resisting the urge to punch Spike right in the nose.
“WOAH!” He yelled, running away from me. I got out of the floor, my back surprisingly not hurting from the hardwood floor. “What the hell was that for, Spike?” I asked fiercely. He simply laughed, shrugged, and said, “It wasn’t my idea.”
“Well then who’s ide-“ I was cut short by laughter from behind the couch. “REAL FUNNY, ASSHOLE!” I yelled, Coleton revealing himself from behind the futon. Both Spike and Coleton were in hysterics, laughing like a bunch of idiots. It was kind of funny, I guess. From there, I took the only logical route I could take. “Well, that’s one heck of a first impression.” I said, sticking my hand out to shake Spikes’ hand. “Nice to meet you.” He shook my hand. “Same to you, man.”
I can’t believe I fell for that trick. The old hand-buzzer; so classic, but hurts like a bitch. When Spike and Coleton regained their composure (for the second time in two minutes), Spike told us that Twilight wanted them to go eat with her and her friends at the Cake’s bakery.
“Why would that be, Spike?” I asked, still holding my hand and cursing him under my breath. “She said she wanted to introduce you to her friends better. Watch out for Pinkie; whatever you’ve seen on the show, I can guarantee that she’s around ten times crazier than that.” I recalled the entire bar incident from a couple of nights ago with a grin. “Trust me, I know.” I said, Coleton and I walking out the door.
When we finally managed to get to the bakery after what seemed like years of walking, we saw the mane 6 waving through the glass door. It was weird to be in the bakery after only seeing it; the smell coming from the kitchen was euphoric. I felt like I was going to do that cartoon gag where I levitated to the source of the smell, but I realized that that was possible. Or could it happen now that we lived in a cartoon?
I perished the thought and joined Twilight and friends at the booth. Surprisingly, the booth fit all eight of us with ease. It was convenient; back on Earth, you’d be lucky to fit four people in a booth, much less eight.
We pretty much talked like Coleton and I did with our friends back home. It started off with small talk, but it got pretty interesting once everyone started asking questions about our reality. Most of them asked normal questions like what life was like and what the differences were, but then there was Twilight. I swear if I answered one more question about the difference between a democracy and a republic, I would explode. Rarity sympathized with my plight, and changed the subject. “So, darlings, why did you wear clothes?” Coleton spat his coffee out, which both Pinkie and I laughed hysterically at.
“I’m sorry,” Rarity said defensively. “It’s just that we normally don’t wear them unless it’s for fashion reasons, so wearing clothes on a regular basis just doesn’t quite make sense.” She did bring up a good point, and the thought of ponies walking around stark naked all day every day was a disturbing thought I couldn’t seem to get out of my head.
After a bit more small talk and some more questions, we finally went our separate ways. It turned out Coleton was going with Rainbow Dash when she proposed the idea (and by that I mean he begged her until she agreed) to help him with his flying; a full grown pegasus who couldn’t fly must have been unheard of, and I didn’t want that to be hanging over his head, so I held my tongue and let him go with her. “They would make a cute couple.” Twilight said on the way back to the library. “Oh yeah, they’re PERFECT for each other.” I deadpanned. She laughed.
When we got back to the Library we were surprised to see five huge boxes beside the door, with a panting, wheezing Derpy not to far from the door. We let her inside to drink something and regain her energy; the boxes looked large and heavy.
“Derpy?” I asked. She looked concerned with the fact that I knew her name until Twilight explained how I knew it, which relieved her to my surprise. “What’s in those boxes?” She sighed. “I don’t want to know, I just hope it was worth it. After a while, she thanked us for the hospitality and went on her way. The second she was on the road to her next house I ran outside and dragged the boxes inside. I tried to rip the boxes open with my teeth (as was my primary method) before Twilight used her magic to cut the tape on the boxes. I felt stupid.
“As I tipped the box over, I heard an oddly familiar sound: the sound of snares hitting a drum head. No way. Surely enough, out of the box came stands, drum shells, drum heads, cymbals, and an instruction manual on building a drum set. Sweet Celestia, It was a drum set. It was a Words could not describe how simultaneously confused and excited I was until a note poured out with all of the drums and stands.
“Hmm?” Twilight picked it up. “It’s for you.” I picked up the note, still in disbelief at what was happening. I read aloutd
“Dear Walker and Coleton.
I’m glad to see that my faithful student has helped you adjust to what is sure to be a radically different world. I looked at Twilight to see a large grin on her face. I had to agree that Twilight had helped us a lot with our transition, but what she said about a radically different world was actually not true. Aside from the fact that everyone was a pony and everypony had a mark of their calling on their ass, it was pretty normal. Things ran like they did back home, from the businesses to how social interaction was played out. I continued reading at the silent urging of Twilight.
“When I saw that your cutie marks were musical instruments, I figured that you two were musicians before you came here. I decided to help out and have a friend of mine make you some instruments to hopefully make you feel a bit more at home here. I hope you two enjoy your stay in Ponyville!
Warmest Regards,
Princess Celestia
Well that did explain why there was no logo on anything. “What a nice thing to do!” Twilight said happily. “The princess sure is nice to- what are you doing?” She stopped midsentence to watch me approach the pile of assembly parts for my drum set and start setting it up. “I’m setting up the drums like I did back home.” She looked on in confusion as I went through all of the necessary steps to set up the drums. Why is she looking at me like that? I wonder. Is she taking notes on it? I looked back to see that she was, in fact, taking notes. She had a piece of parchment and was attentively writing what I did. She was even doing drawings!
It was four hours. Four hours I spent assembling the drum set. Apparently I made a major design flaw with the bass drum and I only figured it out when I was done. Twilight had gone to bed long ago, apparently bored of watching me retrace my steps. I was disassembling the bass drum, cursing under my breath when I heard the door open. I looked back to see Coleton, motionless, staring at my drums. “Yeah, it’s a drum set.” It was weird to be in the musical atmosphere again. It felt like we were back at the apartment, with me putting towels over my drums in an attempt to make them sound better and Coleton fiddling with the amplifier’s settings to get the tone. It was late when I noticed I had left two boxes completely unopened by the stairs. “Hey man, look in those boxes over there!” I said. He went over and ripped the box open. His face changed from a bored frown to the look of a kindergartner in a matter of seconds. Only one think could do that.
“He pulled out a black guitar with a white pickguard. It was so simple, yet so alluring. Again, there was no label except for a signauture on the headstock. I recognized the shape of the other box now. There was no mistaking it.
“Let me guess,” I said. “An amp?” he pulled out a typical looking amp. It was powerful, with a label under the volume knob that read “100 Watts.” I would dread living with Coleton with this thing plugged in. I was finally getting used to sleeping on the floor, and now the amp would be keeping me up?! “Hey Coleton, don’t-“ I looked over to the couch to see the most funny thing I had ever seen; he was on the couch, sleeping with his guitar. Of course, that was silly, and I wouldn’t sleep with an instrument like he was doing.
As I sat on the floor that night with my drumsticks, I contemplated where our life would go. I personally wouldn’t have minded staying. We could get jobs, buy our own houses, and live in Ponyville for the rest of our lives. It’s peaceful, it’s friendly, and it’s not filled with murder and gore like the fanfics would lead one to believe. It seemed perfect, and before long, I fell asleep fantasizing about spending my entire life living in this wonderful place.
Post-Nothing Part 8: Let's Build a Home
“Wake up, man. It’s eight.” I said to Coleton. “Twilight’s gone with Spike to get parchment, and we need to look for some jobs.” It’s not like I expected him to get up, I just needed him to be awake. “Hmmm… we’re only staying for a couple of weeks, right? Why do we need jobs?” I winced. Twilight woke me up early to tell me this, and he deserved to hear it too. “Yeah, about that.” I started. “Twilight said to me that the transporter she planned to take us back in broke. Upon further inspection, we figured out that the battery it was using to run was faulty, and it wouldn’t work anymore.” Coleton was still half asleep. “Why don’t we just replace the battery, then?” he said in a daze. “Batteries are man-made objects, you moron!” I yelled. That woke him up good. “Oh crap, you’re right. What do you figure the chances of someone coming with the battery are?” He said, panicking. “I dunno, but I can figure it out. Just give me a couple of hours.”
“No way.” Coleton said, not wanting to accept it. It was a few hours later, and Coleton and I had gone for a walk around Ponyville. It was pretty complicated for a show we had been watching since we were teenagers. We sat down at a bench to talk about this predicament we were in. After a few calculations, I figured out that the entire battery situations wouldn’t work. The chances of someone coming to this exact dimension with the exact battery were… less than favorable. “It’s true.” I said, sighing. I liked this place, but I was feeling homesick, and the thought that we will most likely never return wasn’t a very good indicator that that feeling would ever end. “Well…” he said. “What were you saying about jobs earlier?” Before I could respond, Applejack came up with a smile. “Hey, y’all.” She said. “Hey, AJ.” I said, trying to fake a smile. She must have seen through it, because she stopped smiling too. “What’s wrong, sugarcube?” she said. “Well, for starters, the transporter that we were going to go back to earth in is completely screwed up, so we have no means of going back.” She gasped. “That’s terrible!”
It felt very weird to be this bummed about going back, because it directly contradicted what I was thinking about last night. I guess it was an interesting notion when I thought we were going to return eventually, but to know that that was very close to impossible changed my view completely; I had familiarity on Earth, and I didn’t really know this place other than what I’d seen on TV, which wasn’t very much.
“Well,” Applejack said in a comforting voice. “I’m glad you guys aren’t leaving. When I met you, even though it was only for a little bit, you guys seemed pretty cool. I was thinkin’ about it last night, in fact.” It felt good to matter to someone so much, especially considering the short amount of time you’d actually known that person. “Thanks.” Coleton said with a smile, standing up from the bench. “But it doesn’t exactly help us in what we’re looking for.” Applejack seemed concerned (at least, more concerned than she had been looking). “What were you looking for, exactly?” she asked. “We were looking for a job.” Coleton replied. “If we’re gonna be here for the rest of our natural lives, we might as well not leech off of Twilight.” I laughed. “Sure, you leech off of me, but once it’s Twilight, you’re concerned?” He tried to look mad, but laughed too. “Hey guys!” said Pinkie Pie, who just now ran up behind Coleton to join the conversation. Coleton jumped. “HOLY SHIT WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?” he yelled. “I was just responding to my Pinkie sense.” she said happily. “Did your Pinkie sense say something about someone needing a job?” I said, trying to joke around, but failing. “What are you talking about? My tail started twitching.” I thought for a second. “Doesn’t that mean something’s about to fa-“
“SHIT!” I heard right next to me. I looked back to see a soaking wet Coleton with a balloon-covered face, yelling up at the cyan-colored pony who caused it. “REAL FUNNY, DASH!” He tried to fly after her, but he realized that she was too far away for him to catch up. “SUCKER!!!!” She yelled, flying away. I looked at him. “You two would make a great couple.” I said. He then proceeded to smack me in the face. Hard.
Pinkie continued. “Anyway, I passed a music store on the way here, and it had a help-wanted sign on the front window, and because you guys are musicians, I figured you would want to know, just in case you guys are looking for jobs…” Did she ever shut up? I didn’t want her to, but it was something to think about. “That sounds like a good idea, Pinkie. I’ll make sure to look into that. Coleton, you wanna go check it out?” He was still fuming over Rainbow Dash, so I just left by myself, hoping he would calm down by the time I saw him next time. “See ya, AJ! See ya, Pinkie!” I waved as I went down the street.
I reached the music store Pinkie was talking about. It looked pretty small from the outside, but it was massive; It had separate rooms for guitars, drums, basses, and the store led into OTHER stores for electronics, microphones, symphonic instruments and marching instruments. I went to the drum room, where the help wanted sign was conviently located, and I found the cashier tuning the drum heads. “Hey, man.” I said, trying to get his attention. He looked up from the snare he was tuning. “What’s up? I don’t…. believe I’ve seen you around before.”
“Actually, I’m not from your dimension. A reality transporter took me from here, and I was transformed by Zecora into a pony.” I could see the confusion on his face and decided to change the topic. “So you said you had a job opening?”
“Yeah. You have the job if you want it. It’s basically selling drums, drumming peripherals and maintaining them. Sounds tedious, I know, but you can play everything in the store whenever there isn’t a customer.” My eyes lit up. “Is this heaven?” He shoved a cymbal box into my hooves. “No, it’s a family-owned music store. Now put these on stands and set them up by that drum set over there. My name’s John, by the way.”
I finally left the shop at around six that evening. I was tired and bored, but the job paid well and playing drums on the job definitely didn’t hurt. I finally got to the library, and when I went in, there were no lights on. Not now, I thought. Anytime but now.
“SURPRISE!” I heard before the lights flickered on, revealing just about every pony in Ponyville huddled into that library. I sighed. I didn’t have the energy to party. “Welcome to Ponyville!” I heard Pinkie say behind me, followed by a noisemaker going off. “Did you like the surprise?” She asked.
I put on a fake smile. “Of course, Pinkie. This was very considerate of you.” She frowned. “Stop talking like Twilight, Walker. It ruins the fun.” She said before running off and joining the crowd of people.
It was not four minutes into the party when I saw Coleton set up in the middle of the room with his guitar around his neck and his amp turned on. “Hey man!” He yelled up to me. “Come on, the people want us to play something!”
I sauntered down to my drums and picked up the sticks. Among the chatter of the party I saw Coleton mouth “Aneurysm?” which is my favorite Nirvana song. I nodded cheerfully. He looked at the microphone Twilight had set up for him. “Alright, this is song from our world called Aneurysm. Tap me off, man.”
It was like old times. We were each pouring our soul into what we were playing. Slowly but surely, I forgot that we were not in Seattle anymore; the music we played showed our origins, and I got more and more into my playing. When the song ended, applause roared through the crowd of people around us, and I smiled. I truly did not want this night to end.
Life here would be pretty good.
Post-Nothing Part 9: Come Together
“Hey Walker, wait up for a second!” I heard Twilight yell before I left the library to my job at the music store. “Yeah, Twilight? What’s up?” I asked.
“I’ve just been thinking about something. When do you want to start magic ‘lessons’?” she asked, seemingly out of nowhere. I was confused. “What do you mean ‘magic lessons’?”
“I mean that since you ARE a unicorn now, you need to learn magic to fit in. I know magic, Rarity knows magic, you’re the only unicorn I know that doesn’t.” She said, not even trying to sugarcoat what she was saying.
“Thanks Twilight. I was almost feeling good about myself today. Thanks for changing that.” I deadpanned. “It’s alright, Walker." She responded in a lackluster attempt to cheer me up. "You weren’t introduced to the concept of magic as a filly like everypony else, you only just recently became aware of it.
“If you want, we could hold lessons.” Twilight said. “Twice a week or so. I could teach you from the beginning with simple levitation spells and work our way up as you get more advanced.”
That wasn’t such a bad idea. To have an opportunity to learn magic from somepony like Twilight who is KNOWN for her magic wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.
“Only if it complies with you schedule, but if it does, that sounds great!” I yelled back, hurrying out the door. As I walked to the music store, I heard Twilight yell from the library’s front door: “TOMORROW AT NOON!”
“So…” I heard John say from across the percussion room at work later that day. “What’s up? Anything new?” I grinned. “Not really, unless you count being transformed into a unicorn, sent to a different reality, and learning a completely new town ‘new.’” He tried to keep a straight face, but smiled. “Alright, smartass. Come over here and man the cash register for a second, I got to go take a piss.”
As I sat there, I thought about the magic that I would be learning. Levitation spells are the easiest? Then what’s after that? I guess that levitation would be the most simple when it gets down on an atomic and nuclear level, because you aren’t changing the form of something, you’re just changing the loca-
“HEY!!!” I heard someone yell in front of me. I jumped. When the hell did she get here? “Hi,welcome to Crescendo’s Music Store, how can I help you?” She looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place where I knew her from. She was holding a large, bass-size gig bag, and she looked stressed. “The drummer for my band broke his final pair of sticks, and he couldn’t arrange to get them himself. What are your recommendations?” She said. “Alright, one sec.” I said, frantically walking over the the drumstick bin. “Here you go.” I said, handing her a pair of sticks I had been drumming with since I got my drum set. “That’ll be 9 bits.” She handed me the bits from her gig bag, grabbed the drum sticks from my hands and ran out of the store, her pink bowtie in a mess. Where had I seen her before, dammit?! Joe walked past her from the bathroom, almost getting smacked in the face by her gigantic bass bag, and resumed his position behind the register. “Woah, she was hot!” He said, doing a wolf whistle behind her. “How would I know? I’m not attracted to ponies because I, technically, am NOT one.” He laughed. “Well, I guess you’re gonna have to broaden your horizons!” He said. I shuddered at what he said, but I pondered it. He was right in a way. If I wanted or needed to fit in, I couldn’t be attracted to a species that doesn’t even EXIST in this reality. But I would wait to think about it. That’s future me’s problem.
“So…” I said as Coleton sat down on the couch beside me that night, breathing heavily. “How was flight practice with R.D?”
“It was an odd mixture of amazing, tiring, and terrifying.” He responded. “What do you mean by that?” I asked. I understood the tiring, but what made it amazing and terrifying?
He looked up at me with a thousand-yard stare. “When your favorite Mane 6 drops you from Cloudsdale and expects you to be able to fly all the way back up, it feels a bit scary, wouldn’t you agree?” I wanted to laugh, but the dread of what Coleton must have gone through made me hold my tongue. “Well, at least you’re learning to fly.” I said, shrugging. “Yeah, and what are you learning?” He asked.
“Me and Twilight have arranged a biweekly schedule. Two times a week for an undetermined amount of time she’s gonna teach me magic. Tomorrow at noon is our first meeting. It’s gonna be fun, you know?” I asked, but I was greeted with snores. I chuckled. Figures.
I exited the library and walked around. It was only seven on Friday evening, and everywhere you went there was something to do. It was interesting. I decided to head to a bar to get a drink and critique the alcohol they had.
There was a really loud bluesy joint at the end of the street Twilight lived on simply called “The Joint.” I walked in and sat down at the bar. “What do you guys have?” I asked the bartender.
He rallied off a short list of alcoholic beverages for me, and none of them sounded particularly good. “I’ll try the cider.” I said, giving him a couple of bits. He smiled and filled a large mug with reddish-brownish liquid and slid it over to me. I took a couple of sips. This is amazing! I thought, and before I knew it the mug was empty. “Um, bartender! Refill please!”
I decided to go to the stage in back. The band sounded phenomenal and I wasn’t even close enough to them to make out who was who. I sat down at a table in front of the band and looked in awe. Every single one of them was putting their heart and soul into their playing. They sounded like all of the music I liked back at home, but surprisingly better. They shook the entire room.
When the song finally ended, there was roaring applause throughout the entire room. The Guitarist was panting from the amount of energy he put into his playing, the singer was simply smiling, and the bassist was….
There she was. The pink bowtie, the Treble Clef cutie mark, there was no mistake that she was the one at the music store earlier that day. But she played bass. Why was her cutie mark a Treble Clef and not a bass clef?
I just enjoyed the music until they had an intermission and went to the bar. I had almost forgotten to get a third cider until they stopped playing.
I weaved through the crowd to get to the bar, which surprisingly few people were inhabiting. “Hey, Bartender!” I yelled. “Refill, please!”
I sat down by the bartender, and the rest of the band sat down nearer the exit. But the bassist walked over to me. “Hey, sorry for asking, but I think I met you earlier.” I smiled. “At the music store, I presume?”
“Yeah!” She said. “I just wanted to formally apologize for my behavior today. I was in a bit of a rush to get back to work, and I didn’t have time to talk.” She put her hoof out. “I’m Octavia, by the way.” I awkwardly “shook” her hoof back. “The name’s Walker.” Her eyes lit up. “I know you! You helped Twilight back when she went to the different dimensions in that reality transporter, right?” I nodded, sipping my cider. “You are correct.”
“That was really cool of you to house her while she studied.” She said, sipping whatever drink she had. “She volunteered to travel and gather information, and she hoped that wherever she went, someone like you would show up.” I laughed, but I still have a question. “Hey Octavia,” I asked. “Why was Pinkie with her, anyway?” Octavia simply chuckled and shrugged. “She’s Pinkie Pie.”
“When you put it like that, it makes sense.” I said. “Hey, I’ve got to get back to playing, but meet me after the next set, I need to talk to you.” She headed back up on stage and continued playing. I would have kept drinking, but if she was going to talk to me later, I didn’t want to be completely blitzed.
The minutes dragged by slow as a snail as I listened to their music, waiting for their set to end. Finally, after playing a great encore, they started packing up their stuff. Octavia jumped off stage to meet me by the door.
“Listen, our drummer…. he’s not good.” She said as if it was a secret. “We’ve been trying to replace him for a while, but… drummers aren’t all that common around here.” I had to agree with what she said about the drummer being bad. He had skill, but he executed it so wrongly. He would play loud during a slow and peaceful song, he would show off incessantly behind the drum set and play things when they didn’t fit. He didn’t make the band bad, he just made it “not as good it could be.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked. “Well, I was wondering if you would like to try out to replace him.” Octavia said. My mouth went dry. Was I seriously being asked to join a band? This close to getting here?
“Actually, that sounds good.” I said happily. “I’ve been looking to join a band since I got here, so it’s a relief to be asked to join a band that’s as good as yours.” she blushed.
“Well…” she got out a piece of paper and wrote down a number. “Here’s my number. We usually practice at my house, so if you call, I could arrange for a tryout.” She handed me the number and we sat down. We talked for a little while about what music we liked and other things of that nature. I did have a question for her though. “You play bass guitar, right Octavia?” She sipped her drink. “Yes I do. And I play cello in addition to that.”
“Why is your cutie mark a treble clef?” I asked. She simply chuckled. “I have yet to figure that out myself. My true calling is cello, but I think it was because my first instrument was classical guitar, which is usually notated with a treble clef.” I finished my drink, and decided it had gotten late enough to be home. “Alright, Octavia. I need to go, but I’ll give you a call when I get the chance, alright?” I gave her a solemn wave and left the building.
When I got home at around three, Coleton was the only one awake. He was watching TV on the couch. “Hey, man.” I said, sitting down on the couch. “Why are you home so late?” He asked, confused. “I went out to a bar and saw this really good local band. You know Octavia? The cellist?” He nodded, not looking up from the glow of the TV. “She was the bassist in this band, and they needed a drummer. We had seen each other earlier that day at the shop, but she was in a hurry and couldn’t talk.” I tossed the number to him. “She gave me this so I could call her if I wanted to be their drummer. Their current one is crappy.”
He looked at the number in disbelief. “You got a girl’s number?” I laughed. “It’s not for that. It’s for strict musical purposes.” He looked at me with a grin. “Riiiiiiiight.” I snatched the number from him and went to bed, pondering what he said. What John said earlier about me having to “broaden my horizons” came to mind too. I wondered where my attractions would lie. I was born a human, but I’m a pony now. Which of the two would I like? I had to admit that Octavia was pretty cool, but as of now I couldn’t attest to her “beauty.” I WAS attracted to her, there’s no doubt about it. But it seemed purely mental. I eventually fell asleep, but the thought wouldn’t go away after a simple night of sleep. It was going to stay in my mind, annoying me until I figured it out. Dammit.
Post-Nothing Part 10: When I Hear My Name
“Focus…” Twilight instructed. We had spent the last half hour practicing the levitation spell. It was my first magic lesson, and it was amazing.
“Hm…” I grumbled, putting all of my energy towards lifting Spike, who had “volunteered” to be the test subject. I finally lifted him to the third bookshelf, where he retrieved a book, and let him down.
“Twilight applauded. “Great! You’re learning at a very acceptable rate. I think that concludes today’s lesson. Wednesday at 8:00?” She inquired. I nodded.
I called Octavia later that night to request a tryout that next morning. She happily accepted. “Alright, Octavia. Thanks for arranging it. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said, hanging the phone up. “WAIT!!!” I heard a high pitched yell over the receiver. I picked up the phone quickly. “What?” I asked.
“If you make the tryout, I was wondering if you wanted to join me and the rest of the band for lunch afterwards. Then come back and practice with us until you know our music. Sound good?” I blushed. It wasn’t a date, but what the hell. A day with Octavia? Count me in. “Sure thing. I’ve got tomorrow free.”
“That’s good.” Octavia said. A question popped into my head. “Hey, Octavia?” I asked. “What’s the name of the band?”
“The Alicorns.” She said. “I know, sounds typical, but it works. See ya later!” She said. Then the dial tone filled my ear.
“See?” Octavia said the next day. “I told you he was good!” I had just put my heart out on the drums, and I was sweating profusely. It was worth it, though, to see everyone’s amazed face. The (ex) drummer had been so kindly left out of this meeting. “Yeah, he is!” The guitarist said. He sounded like a spaz, but spazzes often made great guitarists, so I wasn’t worried.
The singer nodded solemnly. For such a great singer, he didn’t talk much. He had a mysterious aura to him. I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but that was for me to figure out.
“You’re in!” Octavia said, clapping her hands together.
“So…” I said, sitting with The Alicorns at the Cake’s Bakery. “What do you guys propose we do tonight. The guitarist spoke up. “We could start with what we started with; we’ll teach you the first songs we wrote, and as we advance, so will the pieces. Considering you’re the only person who needs the practice, it won’t be that difficult to teach you.”
I finally got back to the library at around twelve that night. Hours of drumming can do it in for me, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep.
I crept in quietly, closing the door as quietly as I could. I stepped into the kitchen to get a drink, and walked into the main lobby of the library. Wait. Why are the lights off?
“SURPRISE!” I heard in the room. My heart dropped. Would I ever get to sleep. It was pleasant to see that there was only the mane 6 and Coleton present instead of the hundreds of ponies who usually inhabited the library during parties.
“Why are all of you here?” was my first question. I didn’t mean for it to sound as harsh as it did, but I was tired and sleepy, and seeing everyone here only took my prospect of sleeping and threw it out the window.
Twilight, with a grin as large as the sun, gave me a letter addressed to all of us. I took the scroll and unfurled it, reading it carefully.
Dear my faithful students:
I am pleased to inform you that you are cordially invited to the Grand Galloping Gala this year. I would enjoy it if you six would come and help with the preparations for the party, as it would make it so much easier for me and Luna. I am also pleased to inform Walker that The Alicorns are invited to open the dance. In the two weeks between today and the Gala, I would recommend that you practice and make a setlist: if you do not play perfectly, the more… “High Class” guests may not enjoy it. Once again, I am glad to have you as my acquaintances at this year's Gala!
With love and kindness,
Princess Celestia
I couldn’t believe it. I just joined the band this morning, and she already sent this letter with the knowledge that I had joined it? More than that, though, I had only been in Ponyville around a week, and the Princess had invited me to the social gathering of the year?
“Isn’t it amazing?!” Rarity yelled as my eyes moved from the paper. “I can’t believe that we’ve been invited, and you two have as well!” I hadn’t noticed, but Coleton had woken up and approached the group from behind me. He already knew, as they group had surprised him earlier that day when HE got home.
“And your band is playing!” Rainbow Dash said, happily. “I didn’t even know you HAD a band! Did you just recently join one!”
“Yeah, it’s weird!” I said confused. “I just joined the band ten hours ago, and she knows fast enough to put in the invite?”
Twilight shrugged. “She’s pretty ‘in the know’ about us. I don’t know if she’s omniscient or if she just gets information of us very quickly.”
“Well, we have two weeks.” Coleton said from behind me. “We better get ready.”
Post-Nothing Part 11: Ballroom Dancing
“Rarity?” I asked the white-coated tailor hemming my tuxedo. It was the day prior to the Gala, and Coleton and I were at Rarity’s boutique. She was frantically attempting to get everyone’s attire perfect for the social gathering. Coleton was standing by the door, tapping his foot impatiently waiting for my tux to be done. “Yes, darling?” She asked, not looking up from her hem.
“Why do you think she invited me and Coleton to the Gala? She’s only known me for a week!” I asked inquisitively. She laughed. “Probably because you took care of Twilight and Pinkie while they were with you on Earth! If you two hadn’t been so hospitable, who knows what would have happened to them?”
Coleton, from the door, yelled, “HE LET PINKIE GET DRUNK!” Rarity looked at me confused. “What?” I shrugged. “I don’t know what he’s talking about. Anyway…” I said, trying to change the subject before I got killed. “Why do you figure she invited my band to play? It’s not like we’re all that well known.”
She looked up from what she was doing. “Octavia plays cello for her symphony. She probably invited Octavia to play during the dance, and since she had a band that was as skilled as yours is, she wanted you to have a chance to get well known. The princess thinks very in-depth about things of that nature.”
Woah. I didn’t know Octavia played cello for such a high-class and regal purpose, but looking back on the first “Gala” episode of MLP, I could remember Pinkie messing with her during her "musical number" while Octavia played the cello with the band. I guess I hadn’t seen the first season in such a long time, I couldn’t remember.
“Well…” Coleton started. “She didn’t have to invite us. The amount of high class ponies to normal average ones is staggering, and neither Walker nor I enjoy the company of snobs.” Rarity simply laughed, but it seemed forced. “Coleton, there are no snobs at the Gala. How foolish!” He shot me a look, and I immediately knew what he was going to do. I begged him to not do it, but he kept walking until he was mere feet from Rarity.
“Oh yeah?” He asked, getting mere inches from Rarity’s ear. “What about Blueblood?” Oh shit. He actually said it.
“Sorry about that. I must admit it wasn’t very ladylike.” Rarity said, preparing an ice-pack for Coleton’s now swollen forehead. She had finished my attire, and was moving on to Coleton. I had been in hysterics for the past five minutes at what Rarity did, but as soon as she started hemming his shirt, he gave me a menacing look that shut me up pretty quick.
“Alright.” Twilight said, going over the schedule for the Gala. It was now the day of the Gala, and Octavia and I had spent the entire morning loading and unloading band equipment. I must admit that as a drummer, the cello is one HEAVY instrument.
“First, we will depart the Ponyville Train Depot at twelve. We will arrive at Canterlot at five, where we will assist wherever needed. The Alicorns will set up and do a soundcheck until the Gala starts, and then they will open the Gala with a thirty minute set. Then we can do whatever we want until eleven, where we will board the train and get back to Ponyville at four in the morning. Understand?”
We all nodded solemnly in agreement and departed to the Train Depot. I put my CDs into my portable CD player and listened to the music with headphones until we arrived at Canterlot. Octavia and I took the instruments and set them up in the ballroom. The tedious processes of setting up and sound checking were processes I was very familiar with, and it wasn’t long before our only responsibility (other than actually playing) was done. I went to the bar to get a drink and found Coleton drinking too. I sat next to him. “I guess we have the same idea, huh?” I said, ordering a sweet cider. He laughed. “If I have to deal with these tightasses, I’m going to be blitzed while I do it.”
After a couple of hours and two ciders, I returned to the stage to play. As the ballroom filled with ponies of all kinds, we played. The energy coming from our band was amazing. Octavia and I laid down a solid rhythm, and the guitarist and singer coated it with a sweet-sounding melody. If our band was a cake, Octavia and I would be the cake itself, and the guitarist and singer would be the sweet, creamy icing.
After the finale, a song I taught the band called “No One Knows” by Queens of the Stone Age, applause roared through the ballroom. Our music had turned a regal, sophisticated group of high class ponies into a group of anarchy-filled beasts, and we were damn proud of it.
As I stepped off of the stage, Octavia came up and hugged me. It was obviously just a “nice job” hug, but it was a hug nonetheless. She then joined her orchestra in the garden to play sweet, calm classical music. I didn’t have anything planned, so I decided to go see the princess and thank her for everything she did to help me in Ponyville.
When I got to Celestia, with Twilight by her side, another pony, with a white coat and a blonde mane, was whining to Luna and Celestia in a tone resembly a four year old having a temper tantrum. “They were loud, they were obnoxious, and they turned everypony into maniacs! I request that you banish them immediately!” before I could speak my mind, I was interrupted by Luna’s laughing. It was a sincere laugh, but it sounded like it was spiked with hurt. “So you think that my sister…” she said through tears of laughter, “should banish a group of ponies for just playing amazing music , while she banished me to the moon for a thousand years for trying to overthrow her? IT WAS JUST MUSIC!” She had calmed down significantly, but was still stifling her laughter. Celestia took hold of the conversation. “Besides, Blueblood, everyone enjoyed the show. You’re the only complaint I have; everyone else I have seen complimented the band, saying they were a good way to open the Gala! Respectfully, I decline the request.”
At this, Blueblood walked away, his face red with embarrassment and anger, and stormed away. At least he did until he saw me, and walked over to me. “My name is Blueblood,” he said very pompously. “Of course, you already knew that. Pleasure to meet you.” I gave him a grimace. “The pleasure’s all yours.” I said before going to the bar to continue my drinking.
One hour and two ciders later, I walked out with Coleton into the garden. The orchestra had a planned break for about thirty minutes, and judging by the lack of music in the garden, I assumed it was under way. As I walked with Coleton, I saw Blueblood with his group of acquaintances by the terrace. I decided to walk by and eavesdrop. “They were horrible!” he said, sipping a glass of some unidentifiable liquid. “The singer sang out of tune, the guitarist made so many mistakes it was scary, and the rhythm…” he said, looking me in the eyes, “was so messed up, it made me question the skill of the drummer.” His friends laughed at his words, and I felt my face turning red. But he said the rhythm… that meant he insulted me and the bassist, which was Octavia. Oh, he was going to pay. As I stormed to the ballroom, Coleton grabbed my shoulder. “What are you doing?” I simply shook him off. “Nothing of your concern. Now leave me alone.” I said, attempting to walk back into the ballroom. He was persistent, though. “Just don’t do anything you’re going to regret.” He said with a cautionary tone.
I simply grinned a mischievous grin. “Don’t worry, Coleton.” I said, walking away. “I’m not going to regret it.”
I woke up the next morning in a haze. My head was killing me, painful light was streaming through an open window, and wherever I was smelled like breakfast. I looked around to see that I was, in fact, back at the library. Apparently, Twilight had a “guest room” that Coleton had been sleeping in for the past week that she kindly refrained from telling me. Thanks a lot, Twi.
Anyways, I half-walked, half-stumbled down the stairs to greet a busy Twilight, attending to her studies as was usual every morning. As I passed her study, she looked up with a grin. “Look who’s finally up.” She said mischievously.
“Wait…” Thoughts of the night prior flooded my mind so fast, I had to sit down to process it all. Last thing I remembered was walking to the stage after Blueblood insulted me, and… what happened?
“What happened last night?” I asked Twilight. “I remembered walking to the stage to get something, and that was it.” Before Twilight could respond, however, a certain pegasus waltzed into the room with a grin the size of the Eiffel Tower.
“Well…” Coleton started. “You walked to your luggage bag on stage get some album that I later recognized as Generic Flipper by Flipper. You then proceeded to request that the DJ play track nine, which was “Sex Bomb.” You took the microphone, and said, ‘This is dedicated to Prince Blueblood, the pompous asshole.’ You then walked off stage and let the music play. Loudly. It was a sight to behold. Everyone in the room had to sit through eight minutes of pure shitty grunge, Blueblood was having an aneurysm in the middle of the dance floor, and you were off getting drunk. VERY drunk.”
I grimaced at his last statement. I’m a lightweight, so adding profuse amounts of alcohol to my system usually means a good time for me and entertainment for everyone else.
He continued. “I don’t know why, but Pinkie kept buying you drinks. Pure shots, too. Pure fermented apple cider. You eventually stopped on shot number… thirteen. You ended up on top of the stage singing “Do Not Go Quietly Unto Your Grave” by Morphine and falling off, knocking yourself out in the process.
“And here you are seven hours later in Twilight’s library with a splitting headache and a party reputation all throughout Canterlot.” He said. I sighed. “Fuck…” A thought popped into my head. “Wait… why did Pinkie keep getting me drunk?”
Twilight smiled. “I think this’ll answer your question.” She held out a short piece of parchment. I grabbed it and read aloud.
“Hey Walker. I know that you probably have a lot of things to do to clean your name around Equestria, but just know… revenge is a dish best serve cold. Or a DRINK best served cold. Filled with apples and alcohol. I got you good, didn’t I? What revenge!
”Your friend, Pinkie Pie.”
NOW it made sense. “So Pinkie got back at me for getting her drunk a couple of weeks ago at the bar, and now I’ve got an Andrew W.K. reputation to work off because of her? Thanks a lot, you pink…”
I then proceeded to say things that, in hindsight, I’m not so proud of. About Pinkie Pie. When my hangover-driven tirade ended, I settled down on the couch. Spike got me a cup of coffee and some cereal. He was actually a nice guy.
“Thanks, man.” I said, trying to chuckle. Every time I laughed, shots of pain streaked throughout my entire body from either the hangover, the impact I had on the fall, or both. So I simply groaned and ate.
“So… I figure I should call Octavia and the rest of the band and see if they heard of me.” I said with finality. Everybody simply laughed. “Oh they know what you did. Octavia burst into hysterics the second she saw you.”
“That’s… fucking… great…” I said, drinking my coffee. That would be fun to explain.
Post-Nothing Part 12: No Hassle Night
I knocked on Octavia’s door, ready for whatever it was I needed to say about last night. I mean, the drummer getting completely blitzed and calling a guest an “asshole” in front of everyone was something that was pretty commonplace for rock concerts on Earth, but this was neither a rock concert nor Earth. I would definitely have some explaining to do.
Octavia opened the door, obviously tired. She had dark circles under her eyes, and she was holding an ice pack on her head. “Hey, Walker.” She said with a faint smile. “What happened last night?” I shook my head in confusion. “I don’t know. All I know is that as a result of last night, my head hurts and my reputation as a party animal has been instilled all throughout Ponyville.
“I assume you did some drinking as well?” I said, giving her a mischievous grin. She frowned. “Unfortunately, yes. I love gatherings such as the Gala, but sometimes they are unbearable without alcohol.” We went inside and sat on the couch, where Octavia gave me some coffee.
“So…” I said, not having anything else to talk about. “Where is everyone else?” Octavia sat down next to me. “We postponed practice until later. They’ll be here in about an hour.”
The hour passed pretty quickly as Octavia and I talked. When the guitarist (Who’s name I now knew as Melody) and the singer (who I now knew as Mojo) showed up, we went down to the basement and went through our usual lineup. What WASN’T normal, however, was Melody and Mojo stopping halfway through the set. Octavia and I very awkwardly stopped playing, and met the gaze of the guitarist and singer. “What is it?” I asked, annoyed at the abrupt stop.
“So…” Melody said. “Are you two together now?” Octavia and I looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean?” Octavia said, concerned. Melody looked at Mojo and laughed. “Oh dear Celestia, they don’t remember.” Mojo responded with a shrug. “I’m not surprised. They were pretty shitfaced.”
“Wait.” I said, looking at Melody with a look of sheer terror on my face. “When you say ‘together,’ do you mean… like…” Melody caught the drift. “Yeah, actually. You two don‘t remember?”
Octavia and I were expecting the worst. “What happened that we don’t remember?” Octavia said, not wanting to accept what she was thinking as fact.
Mojo laughed. “We found you two in the same train car. Together. Together.” He said, putting an emphasis on the last word.
My face was about to explode. “We… didn’t…” I said. Melody was on the floor now, laughing her flank off. Mojo simply smiled. “Yeah, you did.”
I set my drumsticks down on the snare, walked up the stairs to the house, and ran home. I didn’t want to see what Octavia’s reaction was. I didn’t even know what MINE was.
I got home, face as white as a ghost and a nauseating feeling in my stomach. Coleton was flipping through a music magazine, enjoying his day off of flight practice. Twilight looked up, surprised but smiling. “Oh hey, you’re home early. What happened?” Oh, I was going to lay into her. “Apparently a lot.” I said, trying to keep my temper under control. “Spike, could you do some chores in another room, please? I have to talk to Twilight alone.” Spike was confused, but he complied and went up to the bedrooms to clean.
Twilight flashed me a look. “What was that for?” She said, a hint of worry in her voice. I smiled. “When I fell off the stage at the Gala, did I get knocked out?”
Twilight put on an diaphanous poker face. “Of course. I told you that, didn’t I?” I gave her a frown. “Well, a little birdy told me otherwise. The birdy in question told me I did something before I went to sleep. Something concerning a certain bass player. Are you familiar with this?” Coleton looked up, suppressing laughter. “Well, I am!”
Twilight sighed. “I was just trying to let it die. I figured you two were pretty drunk, so I knew you two wouldn’t remember. Who told you?”
“Mojo.” I said, an expressionless look on my face. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me? Now I’ve got to go up to Octavia every day with the knowledge that she and I had-“ She put a hoof over my mouth. “Not so loud.” She gave me a smile. “Besides, one night stands are usually only mentioned once. It won’t be awkward between you two. It was a mistake.”
I broke out in a cold sweat. “Yeah… mistake…” Twilight looked at me. “Yeah. It WAS a mistake, right?” Before I could speak, Coleton stood up. “Dude, it’s obvious. I knew you would like Octavia from the time we got to Ponyville. Everyone else knows too. The only two people who DIDN’T know you and Octavia liked each other were you and Octavia.” He stood up and patted me on the back. “Well, maybe you two know now. You know, after last night.” He said, snickering. I slapped him. Hard.
“Just let it die.” Twilight suggested. “It may be awkward between you two for the time being, but after a little while, it’ll be a thing of the past.”
I shrugged in agreement. Before I could respond, however, Spike came barreling down the stairs with a scroll. When he got down to us, he handed the scroll to Twilight. “Winter Wrap-up Assignments.”
Huh. Winter Wrap-Up? What were Coleton and I qualified for? Twilight held up the scroll, reading the assignments off for the entirety of Ponyville. “Fluttershy wakes up the animals, as usual. Rarity helps with the nests, as usual… here you two are. Coleton… you will be accompanying Rainbow Dash leading the birds back up north. And Walker… this one’s a bit strange. It says you will be entertainment coordinator.
“Further details on the back.” She handed me the scroll. I looked at the back. “Decide what music to play. Use your CDs to play some good music over the radio. Decide what type of music would be more ideal and increase work and productivity. It would be a good motivator for the citizens.”
Twilight grabbed the scroll back. “Winter Wrap Up starts tomorrow. Go to the radio tower tomorrow and bring some music. You’ll be a host of sorts for the time being.” Huh. Never knew Ponyville had radio. The thought of a Ponyfied Mr. Blonde torturing some poor defenseless pony cop listening to "Stuck in the Middle with You" flashed through my mind, and I shuddered.
Coleton was ecstatic about his assignment. “I can’t believe it. Third week here and I’m already assigned one of the highest priority jobs there is.”
He came up to me, a serious look wiping over his face. “Listen dude… go to Octavia and talk to her. It’s really the best option.”
I looked at him beggingly. “Don’t make me do it. Besides, Twilight said to just let it die.” Coleton looked around, making sure that Twilight was out of earshot. “Does Twilight seem … skilled… in the art of relationships? She’s smart and talented, but you can’t base romance on books, like she obviously does.”
I looked at Coleton in acceptance. There really was nothing else to do, was there? “Thanks, man.” I said. “If this backfires, though, I’m blaming you.” Coleton simply grinned. “You’re the one that shagged her in the first place.”
I wanted nothing more than to kill Coleton when he said that, but he was right. “Yeah…” I said, heading out the door.
I knocked on Octavia’s door, ready for whatever it was I needed to say about last night. With this new information, things would be awkward to talk about, but it needed to be done. Octavia opened the door, a look of fatigue on her face. “Hey…” she said with a smile. “What’s up?”
I simply shrugged. “Everything’s weird now, and I figured we needed to talk about it.” She stepped out of the doorway, letting me walk into her house. “I agree. But really what is there to talk about?”
“Well..” I said, face burning up. “Why exactly did it happen? I mean people who don’t like each other don’t just go and… do that type of thing, even when drunk. So why did it happen?” She sighed, and I figured out what she was going to say before she said it.
“I kinda liked you from the beginning. Ever since I saw you at the music store, and I acted… rather harshly… I wanted to say I was sorry for it. It was purely chance that you showed up to that bar that night, and the rest… well, our friendship developed. But I didn’t want it to be just a friendship.”
So many emotions were trying to force their way out of my mouth, yet I couldn’t find the will to speak. I eventually figured I would tell you the truth. “Same here. But it wasn’t for the way you looked. Hell, I don’t even know what defines a good-looking mare from a bad-looking one. But I love your personality. You’re nice, hospitable, and we seemed to connect at the bar. We both loved the same type of music, we had the same sense of humor, we just kinda-“
I was cut off by a kiss. It wasn’t passionate, it wasn’t “sexy,” and it sure as hell wasn’t arousing. But it was comforting, and I didn’t want it to end. When it did, both of us were at a loss of words. I finally mustered up some courage. “So... are we… together?” She simply chuckled. “I guess you could say that.”
“Yeah!” I heard from outside the house, followed by a “Shut up, you idiot!” I ran out of the house to see a brown pegasus flying away, with a pony I couldn’t identify hauling flank away from the house, laughing hysterically. The moonlight shone on both of them, and there were guitars on both flanks.
“COLETON! MELODY! YOU ASSHOLES!” I yelled before walking back into the house. I sat down next to Octavia, everything even more awkward from what just happened. “So, Winter Wrap-Up…” I started.
Post-Nothing Part 13: Move Along
Hey everypony in Ponyville! It’s your resident music nerd, Walker, and I will be accompanying you on your work during Winter Wrap-Up! It’s that time of year again, and we all need some motivation to help us through our hardships. That’s where I come in. See, I was assigned to take control of a radio station and play some good music to entertain you all! So, without further ado, let’s start this Winter Wrap-Up going with a song called “Go With the Flow” By a band called Queens of the Stone Age all the way from my home planet Earth! (Listen to the music mentioned in this part while reading for maximum effect!)
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It was seven in the morning, and all of Ponyville was stirring. I was sitting at the radio tower, diligently planning my song schedule, and Coleton was with the rest of the Pegasi, preparing to start their flight leading the bird back to the north.
“Alright, everypony!” Dash yelled from the middle of a large group of Pegasi. Coleton was towards the middle of the group, listening diligently. “We have a very strict schedule to adhere to, so we cannot and will not waste any time! Got it?” Everyone nodded in response. Dash smiled. “Good. Now let’s rock!”
Everyone flew up after Dash, Coleton towards the front of the pack. He smiled. He had only been a pegasus for three weeks, and everything seemed to work for him. He decided to fly up to Dash. Not really for any reason, just to talk.
He gained speed until he was parallel with her. “What’s up?!” He yelled. The sound of the wind from the high speed was muffling everything, so he had to yell loud to be heard. Dash looked over to see an almond-colored mane fluttering in the wind.
“Not much. I’m just kinda happy you could make it. It’s gonna make things a whole lot cooler to have a friend with me on this thing. It gets kind of tedious.”
Must not say 20% cooler, must not say 20% cooler, Coleton thought as he tried to resist mentioning that meme. “Thanks.” He finally said back. “I’m just glad that the princess saw me as worthy of this after only three weeks being here.”
“Well, you are learning fast. Not faster than me, but still pretty fast.” Rainbow Dash responded with a snicker. Coleton loved how arrogant she was at times. It usually wasn’t an appealing factor, but Rainbow made it funny.
“Who knows, maybe I’ll do the sonic rainboom before long!” Coleton yelled back, bursting into laughter. The conversation went on like this until the nighttime, when the Pegasi found refuge in a cave on the edge of a mountain. It was two to a sleeping bag (the rations for this expedition were a bit lackluster) so Coleton and Dash decided to share a bag towards the mouth of the cave.
“What’s Earth like?” Rainbow asked after she and Coleton settled down for the night. “Well… it’s a lot like Equestria. Right down to the establishments. On Earth, we have a lot of bakeries like the Cake’s, we have a lot of library’s like Twilight’s library, and there are a lot of other cool establishments.”
“How do you guys fly?” Rainbow Dash asked, curious. “We as organisms don’t.” Coleton started “Humans can’t fly using their bodies. We’re like earth ponies. We don’t have any magic or flight abilities, but we use our brains to think of alternatives.”
After seeing Dash’s intrigued face, Coleton felt it necessary to continue. “We have a machine called an airplane that flies us where we need to go. We use our knowledge of physics and technology to make things to take the place of magic and wings. That’s the thing about not being privileged with anatomical aids. We have to think of ways to replace them.”
“That’s pretty cool.” Dash said, yawning after she said it. “But what do they do with airplanes other than travel?”
Coleton knew what she was asking. “There are other ways we use planes. We use them in war with other technology to aid us. We also have flight shows, kind of like the Wonderbolts.”
Dash’s head perked up at the mentioning of the Wonderbolts, just as Coleton knew it would. “Flight shows? Like the Wonderbolts?” Coleton laughed. “Yeah, they’re like daredevils. They do tricks to entertain the crowd, like corkscrews and flips. I know it doesn’t sound impressive, but when those tricks are done with a forty-foot long piece of metal, you may think differently.”
“That’s cool!” Dash said. “I wish I had some knowledge of things in Equestria that aren’t on Earth, but it seems like you know everything about our culture.”
And with that, Coleton and Dash went to sleep. Coleton thought about Dash before he went to sleep. Walker found Octavia. Is there anything wrong with dating a pony now that I’m one too? Things like this are so confusing.
Coleton couldn’t sleep at all with the thoughts rattling in his head, so he went to the mouth of the cave to clear his thoughts. Needless to say, it didn’t help.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
“Hey! Would you like to request a song?” I heard as I received a call late in the night. “Oh hey Coleton. What’s up?” I heard Coleton sigh over the phone. “I figured I could use your help. It’s about me and Dash.” The edges of my mouth crept up into a mischievous grin. “I knew it. You like her, don’t you?”
Coleton “Yeah, actually. I didn’t know in the beginning, but I do. Got any advice?” I shook my head in disbelief at what he was asking. “You’re asking ME for romantic advice?” I was the most inept person I knew when it came to that type of thing, and getting help from me was like asking for rejection. “Yeah, but not like that. Could I have a song spot tomorrow night?” I caught the drift of what he was wanting.
“Yeah, sure. Around what time? And what song?” I could see his smile in my mind. “Around eleven at night, and surprise me with the song.”
With that, Coleton hung up his phone and went back into the sleeping bag with dash, where sleep finally overcame him.
Post-Nothing Part 14: Gives You Hell
Hey guys, and welcome to the second day of Winter Wrap-Up with your host and music nerd, Walker! Today, I’ll start off the day with a nice, slow song by The Doors called “People are Strange.” Enjoy the second day, guys!
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Coleton woke up the next morning in a daze. He couldn’t remember where he was or what he was doing. Then he saw Rainbow next to him in the sleeping bag and remembered. Ironically, he was one of the first to wake up. He went over to a couple of his fellow Pegasi and talked until more of them started waking up and preparing to leave.
“Alright!” Dash said with force. “This is where things will get hard. There will be more challenges today. We will have to pass through the home of many hostile beings to get to our destinations. If we do not disturb them, we will be fine, but if you do, then our journey will be brought to a swift end. Do you all understand?”
Everyone nodded and flew up with Dash to the sky to continue their journey. Coleton once again joined Dash at the front of the group. “This is reminding me of the Odyssey.” Coleton said, initiating a conversation. After looking over at Dash’s confused face, he realized that what he said made absolutely no sense. “It’s a book back on Earth. It’s about this guy named Odysseus and his journey home from war.”
The rest of Coleton’s flight was spent discussing Odysseus’s journey home. From the Cyclopes to Helios’s cattle, Dash held on to every word Coleton said. “That sounds really interesting!” Dash said after Coleton concluded with Odysseus on Calypso’s island. “If you go back, you have to get me…a…” Dash’s voice trailed off as she realized what she was saying. Coleton decided to change the subject before Dash got too remorseful for her words. “It’s really not.” Coleton admitted. “It’s written in a poetic style, so you often get lost in the descriptions of the characters and the situations. If it were written like Daring Do, though, It would be my favorite book!”
Coleton knew he would get bonus points for mentioning Daring Do, but Dash was not paying attention to what he was saying; she was instead looking down at the land, scanning the landscape for something. “What are you looking for?” Coleton asked.
“There’s a monster around here that we always have to watch out for. If he’s asleep, we’re safe, but if he isn’t, we need to be really care-“
She was cut off by a scream from the rest of the group behind her. She and Coleton looked back to see a horrifying sight: There was a dragon with a wingspan twice the size of the group flying straight for the rest of the Pegasi. “Dammit, dammit ,dammit, dammit…”
Hey guys, hope you enjoyed that. Here’s another good fast paced song to get your endorphins flowing, it’s called “3’s and 7’s” by Queens of the Stone Age. Enjoy the rest of the second day!
What is that? Where did it come from? Why was it mad? His thoughts were cut short by a horrifying sight. Behind the group was a small pegasus who couldn’t have been more than fifteen years old. Coleton had observed his flying as somewhat lackluster, but didn’t see how it would present any problems. That was until the dragon was literally right on his tail as he tried frantically to fly away with no success.
Dash flew back to him, resuming the flight as usual. But her flight patterns were more scattered and frantic, presumably to shake the monster off of their track. Coleton acted against his better judgment and flew back to help the poor pegasus pony. He grabbed him in his hooves and flew as fast as he could back to Dash.
The weight of the pegasus soon took hold, and he noticed a quick and unavoidable descent down towards the ground. No. No. No.
As he was flying down, he noticed a small canopy of leaves directly below him. To get close enough to ensure the child’s safety, he would have to fly straight towards the ground until he was around thirty feet from the ground. But then he wouldn’t be able to turn towards the sky in time and he would crash into the ground, most likely resulting in his death.
Before he could think his decision out, he noticed his body instinctively doing the first as he slowly began his straight descent towards the trees. “You’re gonna be alright, kid.” He said reassuringly, and dropped the kid towards the trees. He felt the gravitational force taking hold of his body; his speed increased as the distance between him and the ground was closed. He knocked into the ground, knocking the wind out of him and sending a surge of strong pain through his body. He felt his eyelids close, and a feeling of warmness enveloping. The weight on his eyelids became too much, and his eyes fell closed. Before they did, however, they witnessed a reassuring sight; a circle of color surrounded his body, expanding across the land. His impact site became the source of a beautiful rainbow, and a loud BOOM was heard as he lost consciousness.
Post-Nothing Part 15: Dance Inside
Hey, everybody, and welcome to the second night of Winter Wrap Up! I’m your resident music geek, Walker, and this next song goes out to a good friend of mine. Hope it works out, man. This is "Remember When (Side A)" by The Black Keys!
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“Thank Celestia, you’re awake!”
Coleton woke up slowly, his whole body aching and a splitting pain in his neck. “Where am I?” Rainbow Dash was crying, but it seemed to be tears of joy instead of the alternative. “We’re with the birds in the south, Coleton. We needed to get you some medical attention because of what happened, so we found the nearest town. You’re in the hospital.
Coleton suddenly recognized the smell as sanitary hospital equipment. The smell of the clean bed sheets was nauseating, and the pain he was feeling was sickening. “Wait.” He said, looking at the clock in the corner. “Turn on the radio please!”
The nurse did as Coleton asked and turned on the radio. A very slow, dreamy ballad was playing that Coleton had heard Walker play many times before. I guess this is what Walker was planning to play. Coleton thought. My desire isn’t really going to happen in a hospital, though, so it’s kind of useless.
“So, Dash. What happened?” Coleton asked, wincing through the pain in his throat. “I’ll just leave you two to talk.” The nurse said nicely, and left the room to deal with another patient. It was just Coleton and Rainbow talking now.
“Well, the first thing you may want to know is that the kid you saved is okay.” Rainbow Dash said. “His family sends out their gratitude for what you did.”
“Everyone knows your name now.” Rainbow Dash said happily. “When word got out of what you did, everyone heard about it. You’re a hero back in Ponyville now. Isn’t that cool?”
Coleton’s world was spinning, but not because of the pain in his head. I'm... a hero? “But I didn’t really do much, did I? I just saved some kid!”
Dash chuckled. “What you did was awesome.” She said with finality before leaning in and kissing Coleton.
Thoughts jumped through his mind like gunshots as his senses tried to tell if what was happening was actually happening. The ballad was still playing in the background (he would thank me for that later, by the way) and the next two minutes were pure euphoria.
All thoughts in Coleton’s mind were a blur as he and Rainbow Dash disconnected. Both of their faces were covered in red, and Coleton was left babbling and stumbling to form a coherent sentence.
“I guess I’ll leave you to sleep. It is nighttime after all.” Rainbow Dash said, walking out of the room. “Twilight will use her magic to teleport you back to Ponyville when you get healed. Just give her a call when you’re fully healed. The rest of the pegasi need to return to Ponyville with the birds, and I need to lead them.
“See you in a couple of days. Get some sleep.” She said, leaving the room. Like I’m going to sleep. Coleton thought with a smile as wide as the hospital room he slept in.
Post-Nothing Part 16: People are Strange
“Hey, Bryan.” Hannah said over at her friend Bryan’s apartment. “Do you ever miss them?”
Bryan and Hannah had been playing video games alone ever since their friends Coleton and Walker went missing. There had been searches upon searches for them, but no trace was found. After the searches were shut down, Bryan and Hannah had been hanging out without their cynical friend Walker and their hyper friend Coleton. It wasn’t the same.
“Of course I do, Hannah.” Bryan said. “They were our friends, after all.” Hannah simply sighed. “Correction, Bryan. They ARE our friends. I’m sure they’re out there somewhere.” Bryan looked at her. “And we’re here playing video games. We’re good friends, aren’t we?”
Tensions between them had been rising. They were running out of things to do, and most of their days were spent playing Zelda. They were racking their brains for something to do. “I know.” Hannah said, standing up. “You wanna go to a different dimension? They issued that transporter to me a couple of weeks ago, and we still haven’t tried a lot of places.”
Bryan set the controller down. “That sounds ideal, actually. Where do you want to go?” Hannah stood up and input some code into the command center. “I was thinking that we could go to the Equestria dimension. The alternate reality theorem states that there is a dimension for every possibility, so there has to be one for Equestria, right? Why didn’t I think of this before?”
Bryan got into the transporter and waited for the commands to be put in by Hannah. She and Brian sat in the transporter, waiting for the familiar feeling of dimension transport.
“Hey, Hannah?” Bryan said as they were between the seemingly infinite amount of dimensions. “Yeah, Bryan?” Hannah responded.
“Isn’t this just like the TARDIS, but for space and not time?” Hannah sighed. “Your Doctor Who references are getting a bit annoying, Bryan.”
Bryan grinned. “But I like them. Doctor Who references are cool. So are bowties.” Hannah heaved another sigh.
“Dude, CCR are OBVIOUSLY better than The Doors!" Coleton said to me as we walked to the Cake's bakery. "Have you HEARD ‘Bad Moon Rising?’ Or ‘Fortunate Son?’ Or ‘Have you Ever Seen the Rain’?”
“Have YOU heard ‘L’America?’ Or ‘Riders on the Storm?’ Or ‘The End?” I responded. I would have continued the argument from there, but with this type of thing, Coleton and I could fight all day. For someone who crash landed into the ground a couple of weeks ago, he certainly wasn’t hurt mentally.
Things had become better for the both of us. I finally raised enough money to get a decent apartment by the library. Coleton had moved in with Dash, got a job teaching flight at the local flight school, and shared payments on the house fifty fifty. Things were good.
“COLETON! WALKER!” I heard from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see a fatigued Derpy running towards us. “Oh hey, Derpy. What’s up?”
“Come… Quick!” She panted. “Town Square!” She said before she flew off to join the rest of the crowd around the main podium. I ran and Coleton flew to the square to see a large crowd. I wish I could fly over it like Coleton, but I had to nudge myself to the center. What I saw, I almost couldn’t believe.
“Alright, everybody! No reason to panic!” Mayor Mare said to everyone through a microphone. Behind her were two humans, a guy and a girl. I looked at Coleton, and he had the same white face as I. These humans were unmistakable. One with ginger hair and a Nirvana shirt, the other with blonde hair, glasses, and a “The Angels Have the Phonebox” shirt. I knew these people.
“BRYAN! HANNAH!” I yelled, running up to the podium and looking rather stupid doing so. “What’s up? What are you doing here?” It slipped my mind that I was not my human self, but rather a unicorn. That might have looked a bit strange in hindsight.
“Wait, you know these two?” Asked Mayor Mare. “Yeah, I do. They were my best friends back on Earth.” Hannah and Bryan took an apprehensive step back. “Do we know you?” Bryan said in a shaky voice.
I sighed. This would take a while. “Hannah, Bryan, It’s Walker. We came here a couple of weeks ago in a reality transporter and decided to stay. There’s Coleton up there, if you want to see him.” I pointed my hoof up to the brownish yellow pegasus, who waved in response. “If you need any more proof, there’s a snare drum on my ass…” I showed them my cutie mark… “and there’s a guitar on Coleton’s.” Coleton turned around, showing his cutie mark. “So… you believe us?”
What a way to introduce yourself. I left them speechless. “Coleton, come down here!” I motioned. He flew down beside me. “What’s up guys?” He asked.
“I can’t believe it.” Bryan and Hannah said in unison. “It’s really you two.” We hugged and exchanged pleasantries before we realized we were in front of every citizen in Ponyville and their mother in the middle of the Town Square. “Come with me to my apartment.” I said. “We’ll explain.”
Back in my room, which was adorned with a lot of posters, of both rock bands in Equestria and posters of bands on Earth (which I painted myself), we were finally given the chance to talk in solitude.
“So…” Coleton finally said. “What’s up?” Hannah looked like she was about to explode. “’What’s up’? YOU LEFT FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH WITHOUT TELLING US ANYTHING?! HOW HEARTLESS!” Needless to say, Coleton pointed the blame all (rightfully so) at me. “Walker told me time stopped in the dimension we left!”
I put my hooves up defensively. “I thought it did, dude!” A horrifying thought popped up in my mind. “Wait…” I said, my voice shaky. “Time isn’t stopped on Earth?” Hannah shook her head. “We haven’t been at our jobs for the past month, dude.” I said. Coleton groaned. “We are SO fucked…”
After seeing the honest misunderstanding, Hannah calmed down. “Sorry about that. So can we crash here tonight? We could have some fun like old times, and you could go back to Earth tomorrow!”
“Yeah, about that.” I started. “We’re staying.” Bryan and Hannah’s reaction was hard to read. It was a mix between confusion, anger, and… an unidentifiable emotion. “What?” Bryan said, breaking the awkward silence.
I shrugged. “It’s just better here. In just about every sense of the word. People are nicer, the scenery is more appealing, and if you take into account everything we’ve been through, It’s just like Earth. It’s Earth 2.0 with the updates being more fun, people are changed into ponies, and a better outlook on everything.”
“And plus…” Coleton started. “We have responsibilities and loved ones here.” The looks of confusion on Bryan and Hannah gave Coleton the impression that he needed to explain further. “I teach at the local flight school, Walker works at the local music store, and…”
I saw what he was going to say, and spared him the trouble of saying it. “We have girlfriends. Well, marefriends, if you want to be technical.”
Dammit, I hate that look of confusion. It makes you feel like an idiot. “I’m dating Octavia, and Coleton’s dating Dash.” I said, hoping to clarify what I said. The look on Bryan and Hannah’s face was not confusion anymore, but rather… disgust.
“Why…” Hannah said in a rather harsh voice. “are you two dating ponies?” I sighed at this response. I knew someone was going to say it. “Well… we aren’t humans anymore.” Coleton replied. “We’re ponies. What are we supposed to do? And besides, Dash and I are getting along perfectly, and so are Walker and Octavia.”
I nodded in agreement. “I hope you understand our decision to stay. If so, you guys can crash here tonight.”
They shook their heads. “Well, we don’t, but we weren’t planning on staying anyway.” Bryan said. “We were just planning on visiting. Don’t worry, we’ll tell everyone where you are.”
And they were gone as quickly as they came. I guess it was a nice thing to see them again, but it was under such weird circumstances, I wasn’t able to truly enjoy it. “Well…” Coleton started. “At least everyone will know where we are now.”
I look at him, a quizzical smile on my face. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” He laughed, laying down on the couch. “I have no idea.”
Coleton suddenly sat up. “We’ve made a huge mistake.” I looked at him, confused. “What would that be?”
“We should have gone back with them. We could have gotten a battery for Twilight’s transport device, and we could have used it whenever we like."
I sank down in my chair. “……………..shit.”
View Online
Post-Nothing Part 17: Everybody Needs Somebody to Love
“Hey, Walker.” I heard John say at the music store. I was tuning the drum heads, and I wasn’t necessarily happy with the unwelcome interruption. “What is it, John?”
“Your friends are out front with some human girl. Says she knows you or something.” I started racking my mind at who that could be. There was Hannah, but John would have recognized her if it was her. What other girl did I know? “What did she look like?” I asked.
“Short-ish black hair, T-shirt for something called the ‘13th Floor Elevators’.” I kept thinking. I only knew one person who liked the 13th Floor Elevators other than myself, and that was….
Oh shit.
I ran out of the music store to see Coleton with my old girlfriend, Melissa. I forgot about her! I’m dating Octavia now, and to her knowledge, I’m still dating…. her….
“Hey!” She yelled, running up and hugging me. It was weird for a human to hug a two foot tall horse, but apparently she didn’t care. “I’ve missed you!”
I was being suffocated in her vicegrip. “I’ve missed you too.” A couple of minutes passed. “Let go, please.”
She immediately stopped hugging me. “Sorry about that, just haven’t seen you in a while, so I wanted to make it last.”
I instinctively shugged, “It’s alright, Melissa. So, how did you get here?”
Apparently from what she told me, Bryan and Hannah told her about me being here, and requested (I get the feeling it was more begging than requesting) to come to me. After… three hours of it, Hannah finally broke and got her here.
“That’s interesting.” I said, my mind still on the entire “Octavia” situation. How would this work out?
“And I hear that you play drums in a band here, too.” Melissa said excitedly. “I can’t wait to see you perform tonight!”
There lies my first obstacle. I’m going to be in a bar playing in a band with the bassist who so happens to be my girlfriend in the same bar with another girl who happens to be my girlfriend as well. I’m so fucked.
The night came, and the same tedious setup process ended. The time to play finally begun. “Welcome to the stage, the Alicorns!” The bartender said, putting the mic back on the mic stand. “Thanks for coming to see us” Mojo said. “We’ll start off with our song ‘Luna Moon.’ Tap me off, Walker.”
“Walker?” Octavia asked me after the song ended. “You played one drum track for that entire song. What’s wrong?” I shook my head. “Nothing, just been thinking.”
“About what, necessarily?” She asked, concerned. “Just… things. I don’t want to explain.” Octavia gave an annoyed look, but turned back to continue the set.
“Thanks, everyone!” Mojo said. “We’ll take a break for thirty minutes.”
I sat down next to the Mane 6 in a booth and ordered a cider. If this night was going to play out badly, I might as well be drunk.
“Sooo…” Octavia said, noticing Melissa sitting opposite me. “May I ask who you are?” Melissa simply smiled. “I’m Melissa, Walker’s gi-“
“FRIEND!” I yelled, putting a hoof to her mouth to shush her. “She’s my good friend from Earth.” I noticed Coleton getting up to go the bathroom, and thought that I could use some help. “Hey, guys, I need to go take a piss.” I said. “One second.”
“Dude…” Coleton said to me as I splashed cold water on my face. “What are you doing?” I looked at him. “Just planning on staying in here for the rest of my life, what about you?” He shrugged. “Dude, you’re gonna have to face this sooner or later.”
“You’re not my father.” I said, walking over to the still-awkward-to-use urinal. He stood behind me. “Dude, face it. If they find out from each other, it’s gonna be hell for you. But if you tell them yourself…”
I cut him off. “It’s still gonna be hell.” He sighed. “Whatever, man. I can’t help you. Just go out there and do whatever you need to do.” He dried his hooves and walked out the door. I guess Coleton was right; I would have to confront my problem head-on. I walked out of the bathroom, ready to talk at a mile a minute.
“Alright.” I said, sitting back down at the booth. “Here’s the situation.
“Well…” Octavia said after I finished. It took a lot of explaining, and it was, for the most part, a pretty good story to tell at a bar. Except it wasn’t really a story. “That’s interesting. I guess I don’t blame you, though. When you thought you weren’t going back to Earth, I guess you thought you would never see your girlfriend again, so its understandable.”
Melissa reacted in much of the same way. She understood as well. I was in the clear! This was ama-
“However…” Melissa interrupted my train of thought. “I do have a question. Which one of us do you like better?” All eyes fell upon me as everyone awaited my answer.
I usually consider myself a man (or unicorn) of decent judgment. That’s why I didn’t question myself when I hauled flank out of that bar, running to wherever-the-hell I was running to, with everyone pursuing me.
Post-Nothing Part 18: You're Gonna Miss Me
I knew running would be a fruitless endeavor when I saw Rainbow Dash careening out of the bar’s door, straight towards me. I had an advantage, being significantly less inebriated than her, but she still caught me with ease.
“Now…” Twilight said as she dragged me back into the bar, with much resistance on my part. “You are going to answer their question.” It felt like I was being reprimanded by a maternal figure, but if Lauren Faust was right, I was technically older than her. It still felt like I was inferior to her, though.
I sat down at the table. Our break was almost up, and soon I would have to go back up stage like nothing was wrong. But there was going to be something wrong, I could guarantee.
“Well…” I said, meeting neither Melissa’s nor Octavia’s eyes. “Dammit, this is hard… I want to stay with Octavia.”
I can’t really say I expected any different. Those eyes, man. Those poor puppy dog eyes of my (now ex) girlfriend were killing me, eating me away from the inside.
“Well…” Melissa said, obviously suppressing tears. “Okay. I understand.” Poor Melissa. She would hate me fore-
Wait, what? “What did you say, Melissa?” She took a deep breath, and continued. “I dunno what to think, really. I mean, okay. You like an animated horse better than you like me.” Dear Celestia, this woman was turning into my worst nightmare. “Listen…” I said, not noticing how stereotypical I sounded. “It’s not me, its you. Wait, switch that around.”
She gave a warm smile. “I’m just screwing with you. I’m alright with it. Go ahead, date Octavium.”
“Octavia, Melissa.” I corrected, noticing the menacing glance Octavia was giving her. “Her name is Octavia.” Melissa took another drink. “Who cares?” I smiled, but my smile faded when I saw the look of pure contempt on Octavia’s face. “Well…” Octavia said, barely containing her annoyed demeanor. “It’s about time to go back to playing.
“It was a… pleasure… to meet you, Melissa.” Octavia continued, gritting her teeth through the word “pleasure.” Melissa gave another smile. “Same here.”
I don’t remember exactly what we played that night, but I do remember there being ample energy in that bar that night. Everything was shaking from the rumble of the bass and the guitar was energized with distortion.
I eventually got back to my apartment late that night, tired and wanting nothing more than to put this day behind me. Sure it turned out alright, but it was stressful. I soon figured out that I would not be sleeping anytime soon, though, when I saw the silhouette of my friend on the couch. “What’s up?” I said, putting the keys on the table and laying down in the floor, embracing the chilled hardwood surface.
“Tired.” He said. “Could I crash here tonight?” I looked at him, confused. “Why in Celestia do you want to do that?” He shrugged. “Well, let’s just say that Dash… is worse hangover victim.” I caught his drift and laid back down.
“You know.” I said, a thought popping into my head. “This reminds me of something.” He looked at me, half-asleep. “What?”
“You know that movie ‘Scott Pilgrim vs. The World’ where Scott goes to that bar and has to keep his two girlfriends away from each other?” His head flew up at an almost scary speed. “Woah. Dude, that’s creepy.”
I laughed. It always made me laugh to reference things we’d heard in a show that, for the most part, wasn’t a show anymore. “I know. The similarities are scary.”
“And dude?” I said softly. “Yeah?” He responded, deep in his sleep- induced stupor. “What do you think is gonna happen with Melissa?”
“I dunno.” Coleton yawned. “Probably go back to Earth.” My stomach dropped. “Where are Bryan and Hannah?” He was almost asleep. “They… went… back… without her.” His eyes shot open. “Shit, she’s stuck here.”
“And she’s my ex.” I replied. Coleton nodded. “Who’s no doubt mad at me.” He nodded again. “And she’s gonna have to spend the next who-knows-how-long with my current girlfriend, and tensions are slowly but surely rising between them.” Coleton nodded again. “I’m fucked.”
Post-Nothing Part 19: Can't You See
“Well…” I said the following afternoon at the library. “You look good.” Considering Melissa’s entrapment in this dimension for an undetermined amount of time, Melissa decided to go to Zecora to get a new body. She looked pretty… typical. No physical abnormalities.
“Yeah… good.” Octavia said, suppressing certainly homicidal thoughts. Melissa shot my marefriend a look of pure immature hatred. “You’re just mad because I got the bass clef and YOU got the treble clef.” Melissa said mockingly. Dear Celestia, Melissa was sexy when she was being a dick.
Octavia and Melissa had gotten to know each other since they met a couple of days ago, and they… well… they work off of each other pretty good. For every insult Octavia flings, Melissa throws one back of equal force. It’s like Newton’s Third Law of Asskicking or something.
“Well, I have to go.” Octavia said, walking out of the library. “I’ll come with.” I offered, much to her delight.
“So…” I said once we were out of Twilight’s house. “How’s Melissa?” I saw Octavia searching for an accurate description in her head. “There aren’t words to describe how I feel about her.” I smiled. “Well, can you try?”
Why did I ask that?
“Sorry about that… oral outburst.” Octavia said to me at the Cake’s bakery. I was reminded of that movie A Christmas Story, where that kid Ralphie said “Fuck” and got his mouth washed out with soap. If I were to try that with Octavia, I would have to use laundry detergent to accurately wash out everything she said.
“It’s alright.” I muttered, taking a sip of water and avoiding her gaze. “I get that she’s a bit intolerable.” She gave me a confused look. “Then why did you date her in the first place?” I laughed. “Probably for the same reason you don’t like her. Our dry humor bounced off of the others so fluently, our jokes were artwork. So were our arguments.”
“Heh…” She muttered, taking another bite of cake.
“Hey, man.” I heard John say the next day at the music store. “That girl’s back. For the third time today.” Crap, what was wrong with Melissa? Every day since she came here, she’s been popping in and out of my work at an astonishing rate. I mean, I’m not necessarily opposed to girls coming to me to talk (hell, I usually welcome it), but this is my ex-girlfriend, and I don’t like where conversations with exes lead…
“Just tell her I’m not here.” I said. “And where will you be?” John asked. I assumed the position under the desk. It’s like that code red lockdown they would have you practice for at school. But this was unlike that in the way that the code red is where I’m hiding from a crazy person, and in this one, I’m hiding from… my.. ex. Huh. Maybe they weren’t so different.
“Just do it.” I said, figuring my current state would answer his question. He looked down with a look of pity, but did what I said.
“Hey!” Melissa said. “Where’s Walker?” John quivered, making an excuse. “He’s out to lunch.” I looked at the clock. Yeah, I’m out to lunch at three in the afternoon. Makes perfect sense, genius.
“Oh…” I heard Melissa say, her attitude dropping considerable. “Well, if you see him, tell him I came by.” I held back a laugh. As if she hadn’t passed by enough. “Alright, see ya.” John said, nonchalantly replacing drum heads.
“Dear Celestia.” I said, emerging from underneath the counter. “She was never this obsessed with me back on Earth.” John looked at me. “Well, you have a new girlfriend, so maybe you’re her ‘lost treasure’ that she desperately wants back. Although…” he laughed. “I wouldn’t count on it.”
“And what did you learn today, John?” I said to a bruised John with a pair of chipped drumsticks in my hand. “Well…” he started. “I learned that your ex-girlfriend is a psycho, you can’t deal with psycho women, and that I should never insult you in a place filled with drumsticks. Did I miss anything, you dick?” I laughed. “Pretty much covered everything.”
As I locked the shop up that night, I noticed a silhouette beside the door. I sighed. “Melissa, it’s ten o’ clock. Everything’s closed now.” Her creepiness was complimented with the full moon’s light shining directly off of her eyes, making her look like a phantom coming to take me to my grave.
“I know…” she said, walking over to me. “I just wanted to spend some time with you.” I guess I could understand that; we hadn’t really had a time to talk alone, but the prospect of being alone with this girl, given how… interested she had become in me was a thought I didn’t want to dwell on.
“Well, can we talk back at my apartment?” I asked, just buying time in my mind. Her head dropped, but she smiled. “Sure, just meet me there in a couple of hours, okay?”
“Oka- wait, don’t you need me to open the door?” I walked around. “Nah, I got a locksmith to make a copy of your key.” She said, pulling a key out of… wherever it was ponies stored stuff, which I had yet to figure out.
That was neither here nor there, though. This girl was psycho. “Yeah… sure…” I said, watching her walk away. I picked up my phone and called a friend. “Hey, Coleton? I’m gonna need to crash at your place tonight.”
“Let me guess…” Coleton said, passing me a glass of water. “it’s Melissa?” I sighed. “Yeah, she’s a psycho. She came to the shop at least three times today to just talk to me, she’s at my house, and I didn’t want to see her.”
“…you’re fucking retarded.” I heard Coleton say. “Why?” I asked. “Well…” he started, pacing the floor while talking. “she’s at your house with your personal possessions, and when she finds out you aren’t coming home she’s gonna be pissed.”
The reality of the situation set in, and I left without saying goodbye. I took out my phone and checked my phone. It’s two o’clock. SHIT!
I texted Octavia. “If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, call the police. Don’t question it, just do it.”
The sight when I got home. Everything was completely messed up. My posters were slashed, my bedroom was trashed, and my drums…
MY DRUMS! A knife through every head, the shells were splintered and slashed, the cymbals were broken in half (don’t even ask me how she did it) and, upon further inspection, my kick pedal was broken. Anger surged through every vein in my magical body as I saw the same silhouette from earlier standing above me.
Post-Nothing Part 20: Psychotic Girl
Part 10: Psychotic Girl
“What…What the hell?!” Was all I could muster up at the moment. My ex-girlfriend was standing right behind me, with a knife covered in dust. From my drum set, no doubt. I would have said a lot more, but would you have said anything else to a girl with a knife? No, you wouldn’t have. Don’t lie.
“The morals of a human are weird, Walker.” She said, pacing around the room. What the hell was she doing? “Despite anything wrong done against you, your conscious keeps you from going homicidal.” She threw the knife at me, barely missing my head and hitting the wall behind me. “But I’m not a human anymore.”
Well, I’m fucked.
________________________________________________________________________________
Coleton was asleep with Rainbow Dash, enjoying his slumber after a particular stressful day at the school, when he received a text from me. He picked up the phone and read the text. “Dude, things are getting grimdark as fuck, help me please. Meet me at the Cake’s bakery.”
Coleton sighed. He reluctantly got up from his bed, careful not to wake up Dash. Luckily, Dash had been out a bit late that night with her job and didn’t know about my staying there. He flew out of his house in the clouds, reluctantly helping me out.
“Dude, you look like SHIT.” he said as he sat down opposite me in the booth. I had a few close calls back at the apartment, barely missing a punch and a stab as I ran out of the house. I didn’t care what she did to my house while I was gone.
“You know about my girlfriend?” I asked, sipping a cup of milk, attempting to regain my composure. “Yeah?” he said. “Well… she’s a fucking psycho.” I said, shaking from fear. “Well, I know that.” He said. “Why did you call me here?”
I sighed. “No.” I said, showing him a slash I had on my inner thigh from her escapades with the knife. “She’s FUCKING psycho.” The frown on Coleton’s friend suddenly turned into a look of fear as he understood what I meant. “Holy shit, what happened?”
“Well…” and I started from the time I got home, retelling what she said about the morals of man from heart. “Well…” Coleton said. “Where is she?”
“Last I saw her, she was back at my apartment. I don’t care what she does with my shit; she’s already destroyed my drum set.” Coleton gave me a pained look. “I hate to tell you, but she’s not at your apartment.” I looked at him. Confused. How would he know that? “Where is she, then?” I asked.
“Ehhh… right outside.” He said, pointing at the dark rainy streets. I looked out to see that he was right. There was a wet, seething Melissa looking at me with evil eyes of a shiny green…
Wait. Green? Last I remembered, they were blue. “Dude… things are getting too canon for me.” I said. “What do you mean?” Coleton asked, still focused on my girlfriend’s evil aura. “Her eyes are blue. Not green. Who else do you know has green eyes?”
Coleton pondered this for a moment. “Well… wait… you think that…” I nodded. Changelings… how obvious it was! “Holy shit.” was all he was able to say. This seemed too weird. Well, within this new world of anthropomorphized ponies, things never got too weird. There was an occasional unplanned rainstorm, but with Twilight everything was planned to the T. Nothing like this had ever happened, and I wasn’t sure exactly how to react to it.
“Wanna run like hell? Out the back door?” I said, standing up to pay the bill. “Sounds reasonable.” He said in a dignified manor before hauling flank out of that bakery.
________________________________________________________________________________
“Dude…” I said between pants as we approached the library. It was 4. A.M. but the lights were on. Probably Twilight doing some really late night studying. But we didn’t care. She would be our savior.
“Yeah?” he said, panting. We were both tired. From the Cakes’ to the library was at least two miles, and we ran like my psycho girlfriend was chasing us. Oh wait…
“I read a fanfic about this.” I said, trying in any way I could to help. He looked at me, anger rampant in his eyes. “WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT FANFICTION AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!” He slapped me. “Dude, these are ACTUAL CHANGELINGS… They don’t adhere to the rules of the show. You’ve seen this city, there’s something around every corner that Lauren would never even THINK ABOUT showing on the TV show. So why do you think these things are going to spare our life if they get the chance?! Just because they spared Cadance and Shining doesn’t mean they’re going to do it to us!”
I rubbed my cheek, thinking about what he said. He was being sensible about this entire thing. Our perceptions of Ponyville through the show had been proven inaccurate. Whether it be through the gigs I’ve played with the band, or the places Coleton has had to go to help Dash with weather control, we both found things that wouldn’t be… acceptable on the show.
“You’re right.” I said. “Best we talk to Twilight about it.” Coleton nodded and knocked on the door. Twilight opened the door, sleep heavy on her eyelids. I guess she had fallen asleep with the lights on or something, because it was obvious we woke her up from how angry she was.
“What are you two doing here? It’s four in the morning!” She yelled, Owlowicious flying down onto her back. “Let us explain…” I started, struggling to form a coherent sentence after what transpired that night.
________________________________________________________________________________
“Dear Celestia, this is bad…” Twilight said, running across the library after the long explanation. I followed her. “Wait, why is it necessarily bad? I mean, the changelings are really bad, but after what the elements of harmony did to Chrysalis, I figured that any other changeling would be a piece of cake.”
Twilight looked back, biting her lip. “About Chrysalis… remember what we did to get rid of them?” I nodded. I remembered becoming a brony because of the season 2 finale. The elements of harmony did their thing and caused the changelings to, quite literally, fly away from Canterlot.
“When we forced them out with that magic explosion, the changelings went through the air at a terminal rate. Most of the changelings were able to regain their composure and fly away, but Chrysalis wasn’t so lucky.
“She hit the ground right by the mountains, in a particularly rocky, jagged area.” Twilight recalled, wincing at the description. “She died because of what we did. We didn’t figure out until significantly after the event, as Princess Celestia didn’t want us to feel guilty.
“Because of her death, the Changelings retreated. No one heard of them for the longest time. Until a rumor started that they would take revenge against the pony population for their, or in this case our heartless crime against their leader. The rumors have been dismissed as just what they were- rumors. Until what you just said.”
My mind was spinning. Everything in Ponyville seemed absolutely hunky-dory when we got there. I guess it was just luck with the timing.
“So the Changelings are angry and plotting revenge?” I asked solemly. Twilight nodded. “Unfortunately.”
“Well… I don’t know what to do.” I said, throwing my hands above my head in surrender. “I guess we’re screwed. Royally.”
That was until a sleepy Spike came down the stairs, holding a scroll addressed to Twilight herself. “Ugh…” Spike said before handing the scroll to Twilight. Poor little guy. He was just asleep, probably dreaming something good, when he was woken up by a forced heaving. “Thanks, Spike.” Twilight said, giving her faithful assistant a weak smile. “Whatever.” Spike said, eyelids three-fourths closed as he stumbled back up the stairs, no doubt wanting nothing more than to continue his slumber. I noticed two shining tickets for a train headed towards Canterlot attached to the back of the letter as Twilight unfurled the scroll and read.
Post-Nothing Part 21: Feel the Pain
Part 21: Feel the Pain
“Dear Walker and Coleton,
It is our displeasure to inform you that the Changelings are reappearing in Equestria at an alarming rate. It is a greater displeasure, however, to inform you that we require your assistance with the matter. Unfortunately, your help will require you to be away from home for an extended period of time. You will be… “bounty hunters” of sorts. You will go around to different Equestrian cities and locations in order to capture, living or dead, the changelings. It is an extremely primitive solution, but there is no other. We are extremely sorry to ask this of you, but your help would be most appreciated.
Warmest regards,
Princess Celestia and Princess Luna
I stood there for the longest time, not quite sure what to say. We would have to leave Ponyville for an unspecified, but long, time, leaving our friends behind? Not only that, but this job would obviously be dangerous; we were gonna have to capture Changelings? It reminded me of military jobs on Earth that would require you to move so frequently.
“Well…” Twilight started, fumbling to form a coherent sentence. “I guess this means that we won’t see you for a while.” She tore the tickets off the back to inspect them. “They appear to be sincere. These are real tickets. And the train is departing day after tomorrow, presumably to send you guys away.”
Wasn’t this all so sudden? I mean, we JUST got done running from my psycho Changeling girlfriend, and we’re going away day after tomorrow, presumably for a long time. I mean, couldn’t she give us a BIT more time?
“Well…” Coleton started, but sighed and sat down, trying to absorb the information. I took over the conversation. “What about you guys? I mean… we’ve known you since we came here, are you gonna be alright?
“And what about Dash?” I said, directing my words to Coleton. “And Octavia for myself? What’s gonna happen with our relationships?” I sighed and sat down opposite Coleton. “This is messed up on so many levels.”
Twilight walked over to console us. “I’m sorry about this. I really am. But it’s necessary.” I looked up to her, fire in my eyes. “Is it? I mean, why didn’t they ask you six to do it? I mean, the Elements of Harmony may be able to deal with this a tiny bit better than two average people from Earth who don’t even know the land! It’s an ignorant thing to recruit people as unknowledgeable as us!”
“I don’t know, Walker.” Twilight said, her voiced tinged with anger as a result of my insulting the princesses. “But you’re gonna have to figure something out.” With that, she walked upstairs to sleep. I was just sitting there speechless. “Okay…” I said, standing up and stretching. “I’m gonna go back to my apartment. Assuming that Changeling isn’t there. I’m gonna start packing.”
With that, I exited the library, the darkness of the 4:30 morningtime enveloping my body as I navigated the streets, the streetlights being the only illuminators of the otherwise ominous environment.
________________________________________________________________________________
“I’m so sorry.” I said the next night at Octavia’s house. I didn’t want to tell her the news. I mean, your significant other being drafted to fight something he didn’t even participate in was bad news. I didn’t feel supportive knowing the only thing I could do is provide emotional support. This was hard. I could only imagine how hard it must be for Coleton, who has lived with his girlfriend for the past couple of weeks. It was gonna be hell until we got back. Assuming we got back.
The next morning wasn’t much better. It was seven in the morning, and the train for Canterlot was amiss with sorrow. Pinkie Pie, who I knew to make the best of the situation, wasn’t smiling, or laughing, or any of the things that make her the Pinkie we know and love.
As I got onto the train, ready to drown my sorrows in the warm sounds of music, I looked back on my time here. Everything was fun and great in Ponyville until now. It was like life was a comedy until now, and the ominous feeling that it would soon turn into a tragedy was a feeling I couldn’t force off of me.
“So…” Coleton said, trying to talk to the ponies nearest him. “What are you going to Canterlot for?” One looked at him with a dead look in his eyes. “Probably the same reason you’re here. The Changelings.” A look of confusion swept over Coleton. “Wait… so we’re all here to fight them?” The pony nodded solemnly. “The name’s Helix. Nice to meet you.”
“Dude…” Coleton said to me, waking me up from my slumber. “What?” I said, annoyed that I had to face real life again. “We’re not the only ones sent to fight them. Everyone on this train is.” I gave him a skeptical look. “Are you sure?”
Coleton nodded. “Yeah. This is Helix.” He introduced me to a green pegasus pony with the cutie mark of a double-helix DNA. “Pleasure to meet you.” I said, holding my hoof out awkwardly for him to tap it. Awkward that a “brohoof” was such a former way of introduction in the Pony world. “Same here.” He said. We sat in awkward silence for a bit. “What did you guys do? Before being forced here, I mean?”
“Where to start?” I said, figuring what I said may be a bit more entertaining than small talk. So we told him everything. From the start. I think he believed us, but I’m not sure.
“We’re here!” Came a gruff voice from the conductor’s train cart. We shuffled out of the train cars, and it occurred to us that we had no idea what to do. She said to get to Canterlot, and not anything else. Thanks a lot, Celestia.
“Hey, Helix!” I yelled. “Where do we go?” It was embarrassing, but Helix was very helpful. As we headed to the castle, we talked about our lives back before everything occurred. Turns out, Helix was a Geneticist (hence his cutie mark), and had a family back home. I couldn’t relate. He had a wife and kids, and all Coleton and I had were girlfriends. We loved them, don’t get me wrong, but kids… and he was being sent off to who knows where to die for his country.
“Greetings, everypony!” Celestia said once all of the recruits were gathered in the main ballroom. I made sure to keep my distance from any alcohol and the stage to avoid any association. “And welcome to the Canterlot Royal Ballroom! I assume you all know why you are here?”
Every nodded, murmurs popping up throughout the crowded room. “Good. I just want to let you know how much your service is appreciated. It really means a lo-“
“CUT THE BULLSHIT!” I heard a pony say in the middle of the room. “I DON’T CARE WHETHER YOU’RE HAPPY WE’RE THE MILITARY’S PERSONAL SLAVES, BUT AT LEAST HAVE THE COMMON DAMN DECENCY TO RESPECT OUR INTELLIGENCE AND GET US HOME AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE BY NOT WASTING TIME!”
“How dare you speak to my sister like that!” Luna said, ready to pounce. Celestia held up a hoof, stopping her. “It’s understandable to be agitated at this sudden series of events. But please hold your tongue and let me finish.” The pony, still seething with anger, went silent at Celestia’s words.
“Now…” Celestia said, keeping a calm, soothing voice. “As I was saying. You have been chosen for your exceptional skill in a certain field. Some of you may have been chosen for your strength, while some of you may have been chosen for mental ability. Because you are the elite of the elite, we expect assignments to be done with respect and carried out in a timely manner.
“Your assignments are being delivered to your rooms as we speak. We have arranged for three ponies to one hotel room, and we are sorry for that inconvenience. But seeing as you will be leaving Canterlot tomorrow, I don’t imagine it will be much of one.” With that, she called her guards to pass out manila envelopes containing information like our rooms, our roommates, and the like. Coleton and I were fortunate to be assigned to the same room, so I guess we would have a friend to help.
________________________________________________________________________________
As we arrived to our room, fishing the key out of the manila envelope given to us by the guards, we noticed that whoever the third person in the room was wasn't there. Given the opportunity, both Coleton and I just sat down and cried. It wasn’t manly, it wasn’t worth our time, and it wasn't fitting of our skill exhibited by being chosen by the princess herself, but we finally had a chance to let out all emotion out of biased eyes, and dammit, we were going to.
Post-Nothing Part 22: Crystal Ship
I woke up on the cold floor, Coleton sleeping soundly on the couch in the corner of the room. I was hoping this was a dream, that this was really my mind’s way of relieving the stress during the day, but my hopes were not appeased. I looked around to see the sickeningly clean hotel room, the walls adorned with happy, beautiful pictures of flowers, family, friends, etc. The irony was that we were not feeling happy; we would be leaving to some unknown location to fight who knows what.
My spirits were lifted, however, when I noticed another presence walking in the living room. I looked up to see the solemn face of Helix, looking as if he hadn’t slept at all.
“Dude…” I said, getting up to talk. “Where were you last night? We didn’t know you were the third roommate!” He gave a weak smile, rubbing his head. “I went out drinking with a couple of friends after the ceremony. I didn’t get back until around two in the morning.” He said, giving a force laughed.
“Where is the parchment?” I asked. “You know, the one that tells us where we’re going today?” He fished around in his bag to pull out a rumpled piece of paper, throwing it to me. I unfolded the paper and read.
“Apparently…” he said, acting as a narrator to what I read. “We’re being deployed to this island off the coast called Horsica.” I laughed, unable to control it. I mean, I knew that there were allusions to Earthly locations in Equestria, like Manehattan and Saddle Arabia, but really? Horsica?
“You’re gonna act as one of the brains of the operation, like me.” He said, his eyes drifting towards the bottom of the parchment. “Coleton’s gonna be on the front lines, fighing in the air.” I almost wanted to burst out crying. My best friend was gonna be out there, face to face with those ruthless monsters who wouldn’t hesitate to kill him? He was my best friend dammit, both on Earth and in Equestria, and I don’t know what would happen if I had to go back home without him. Dash would be devastated and everyone else would be depressed, including myself.
“So…” he said, noticing my worried face. “Here’s your ticket for the boat ride to Horsica. It leaves at two, so you have a few hours to get your stuff together.” I took the ticket without talking or showing any emotion. It would be too risky to try, seeing as how volatile I was at the moment.
Coleton woke up, satisfied with a good night’s sleep. He looked around to notice that what he experienced was very true, much to his dismay. He didn’t want to be here; he wanted to be back home with Dash and everyone else. He wanted to enjoy a drink with his friends and just have fun.
“Hey…” he noticed a voice coming from behind him. He looked up to see a familiar face looking down solemnly. “Hey man.” Coleton said, stretching his wings. “What’s up?” Coleton couldn’t name the look on his friend’s face. It was like Walker was trying to keep up a poker face, but failing really badly. “Here.” Walker finally said, handing him a crumpled sheet of paper and a ship ticket. “It’s our assignments for the mission. I’m gonna start packing.”
With that, Walker left the hotel room, his bags already packed with CDs and clothes. Coleton looked down to see his assignment, and his heart dropped. He wasn’t going to make it back. He had just been here for a month, and they expected him to FIGHT the changelings in actual physical combat and live?
Coleton sighed, his heart a mix of sadness and anxiety, and lifted from the couch, ready to begin what was sure to be a depressing day.
As Coleton and I were standing by the ship with Helix, not necessarily wanting to converse with other people, I pondered what I would do. I mean, I wouldn’t be able to help him with his fighting, I would be stuck in a control room, barking orders at scared ponies who were there against their will. I’m not necessarily for or against war, but I’m against friends dying in it.
The boat finally arrived, and Coleton and I shuffled onto it. They led Coleton to the stern of the ship, and me and Helix were forced into a technology filled room, beeps and clicks everywhere. I sat down in front a large, complicated computer system. We were given a brief runthrough of what everything in front of us did, and gave us a headset. “The other person you are speaking to is a foot soldier. The tracking beacon on your computer screen is their location, and your job is to keep them out of trouble. Understand?”
Everyone nodded, still confused about some things, but afraid to ask again. I picked up the headset and put it on. “Hello, are you getting a transmission from me, soldier?” I asked, not exactly sure how to initiate conversation. I was greeted with a pleasant, familiar voice. “Walker?”
“Dude!” I yelled, happy that I would keep in touch with Coleton during this fight. “I can’t believe it.” I couldn’t see him, but I could tell he was smiling a large, wide grin.
“Alright, maggots!” the drill sergeant yelled to the foot soldiers, waiting to be deployed onto the land. “You will be fighting these bastards head-on. There will be blood, gore, violence, and death. It will be rampant throughout these beaches. Try not to be the victim of it.” The drill sergeant looked behind him to an experienced army-bred pegasus, and gave him a nod. The pegasus, expressionless, pressed a button, and the barrier between the scared drafted ponies and the merciless, brutal changelings was lowered, leaving all “soldiers” open for fire. The sergeant looked forward at the cowering group of Cadets, and smiled an evil, thirsty grin.
“Get out there and FIGHT!” the sergeant barked, and the ponies departed, some in a calm, hesitant trot, and some in a full-fledged sprint to safety. This wasn’t war; war implies that both sides are experienced, and as Coleton saw the first group of ponies being beaten down by the strong, trained Changelings, evil rampant in their emerald eyes, his fight-or-flight response kicked in. He thanked Dash for his flight lessons as he flew over the clump of violence on the coast, a few smart, cunning pegasi following him.
Post-Nothing Part 24: Second Heartbeat
“DUDE!” I yelled, waking Coleton up. After my transportation spell last night, I had taken him to the ship’s medical wing. I would probably catch hell for abandoning my position at the technology room, but I didn’t care. My best friend was alive.
“Wha-“ Coleton woke up, and surveyed the white hospital wing. “Where am I?” I laughed, half out of relief and half out of legitimate entertainment at his confusion. “You’re in the medical wing at the hospital. Do you not remember what happened with the Changelings last night?” Coleton searched his mind, and the memories of last night came hitting him like a gunshot.
“Dude… I can’t believe I’m alive.” He said, laying back down to absorb the information his mind was feeding him. “But wait… was that you who did that teleportation thing?” I sat down on a chair beside the bed. “Yup.” I said. “That was me.” After the initial “holy crap my friend is alive” feeling, my mind was filled with an anger that I couldn’t place. I walked over and slapped him hard across the face. My conscious was taking an off-day, and I was motivated by pure rage. He gave me a look of confusion and pain. “What was that for?!” My mind said to not talk, but my mouth was going to anyway.
“You were just gonna die. You were gonna leave your friends and relationships behind. Do you realize how stupid and selfish that was?” I wasn’t controlling myself anymore. It was almost as if I was watching a person just completely let out all emotions on their best friend. “I’VE KNOWN YOU SINCE WE WERE TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF WAR! WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE TO STUPID AND IGNORANT TO UNDERSTAND FRIENDS! And you thing that what you were going to do was ‘heroic?’ ‘brilliant?’ ‘going out in a blaze of glory?’ Well, let me tell you that that was the OPPOSITE of what you were going to do.”
I looked at Coleton, still rubbing his cheek from the place I had slapped him. An awkward aura was present in the air, and we sat in silence for the next few minutes. “I’m sorry.” Coleton said, finally breaking the silence.
I sighed, my temper having died down considerably. “Don’t apologize.” I said. “I should apologize for what I said. It’s not your fault war is hell. It’s not your fault that you lost motivation to leave. You didn’t eat the lotus plant of your own free will; the war force-fed it to you and made you swallow.”
No sooner had the words escaped my mouth that I heard the hospital door open. I looked back to see our commander; he looked as if a fire was about to explode inside him.
“I don’t want to know WHY you did what you did,” He said, struggling in his anger to form a sentence. “but you did it. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!” He yelled, getting right in my face. I was tired, and I didn’t feel like defending myself, so I just sat down and took it. I eventually zoned out and thought about home. Coleton would see Dash again, I would see Octavia again, and we would see our friends again. Our lives were preserved, and we would go back to Ponyville.
“DO YOU HEAR ME, MAGGOT?!” I heard, snapping back to consciousness. His face was of pure anger, and his brutish figure was contorted with rage. It was too easy.
“Oh, I’m sorry, what?” I asked, a devilish grin spreading across my face. “I was just thinking about how many insecurities you must be masking with that angry demeanor of yours.”
I can’t say I wasn’t expecting him to punch me. It didn’t really hurt, but it was enough to leave a bruise. “You’re of no use to the military anymore, kid.” He said, regaining his composure long enough to sound sincere. “You’re being sent home with your friend here tomorrow.”
A smile spread across my face, and I looked over to see that one was spreading across Coleton’s too. “Thank you, sir. I don’t wanna stay here, anyway.” I said in a final act of defiance as he left the hospital room, filled to the brim with rage he couldn’t let out.
The nurse entered again, avoiding the brute of a drill sergeant barreling down the hall. “Feel free to stay in the hospital tonight.” She said, giving a smile. “You’re very weak from all the effort you exerted doing the teleportation spell over such a long distance. Get some rest.”
With that, I laid down in the bed provided, took out my CD player, and listened to Credence until my eyes gave out, and I fell asleep under the clean sheets of the hospital bed.
“Hey.” Coleton said to me on the boat the next day. “What do you think happened to Helix?” I gave him a tired look. “I don’t really know, and if it makes me a bad person to say I don’t care, then I’m a bad person. I’m just glad we’re in one piece, you know?”
He smiled, flipping through a music magazine he brought from the hospital. “I know what you mean. I just can’t wait to see Dash again. She must be so worried.”
I thought about Octavia, and how I felt much of the same way. I missed her more than anyone while we were gone, and while it had only been a few days since I’d seen her last, the fear of the possibility that I wouldn’t see her again made those few days seem like an eternity. I was glad that I would see her after a few hours of traveling, and that made home seem that much more desirable.
“Hey, man.” Coleton said, looking up from his article. “I just realized something… you don’t have a drum set anymore. That Changeling destroyed it.” The words finally sunk in, and I realized that he was right; what would I play on when I got home?
I looked at him and laughed. “I figure Celestia can repay me for going to war with a new drum set.” He laughed. “yeah, and maybe I can get that new Schecter guitar!” We shared a laugh.
I laughed. Everything was normal. But as I laid down on the bed in our room, I pondered how long it would be normal. Assuming what I saw in that control room was any representation of how the war was going to play out, I had the feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time I had to participate in that war.
But I drowned my worries in L.A. Woman. That was future-me’s problem.
Post-Nothing Part 25: My Iron Lung
“Well…” I said, getting up from my bed and stretching my hooves. “We’re here.” Coleton looked up from his magazine again to look out the window; the Canterlot harbor was in plain view, the sight of peaceful civilization appealing to both of us.
“So…” I asked once we had departed the ship. “What do we do now?” Coleton looked at me, worried. “I don’t know, I thought you knew!” I looked at him incredulously. “How would I know, dude?”
And so, the quest for the princess began. We went to the castle, but the guards were vigilant, and stopped all of our attempt to enter. I sighed, and walked out of their earshot. “What do we do?” Coleton shrugged. “Sneak in?”
I sighed. “I don’t think going ‘Mission Impossible’ in the royal castle would be necessarily well-received given we get caught. I say we use our resources.” Coleton looked at me, confused. “And what would those resources be?”
I smiled. “Our voices. PRINCESS!!!!” I yelled at the top of my lungs before Coleton put a hoof up to my mouth. “Dude, it’s eight o’ clock in the morning on a Saturday! She’s not going to be up!” He scolded. “And besides, I don’t want to be the one to wake her up.”
“Don’t worry.” A calm, soothing voice said from the other side of the entrance to the castle. “You weren’t, Coleton.” We looked to see the Princess, as happy and regal as ever, standing beside the guards. “Walker was, though.” She gave me a friendly smile, and I felt myself sink down, wanting to escape her glare.
When we finally got to talk to the princess, we told her of our situation. At least, we started, before she shushed us. “Don’t worry, I know what happened.” We gave her a look of surprise. “How?” Coleton said.
“News travels fast between the army and the royal family.” She said, levitating a scroll in front of us. The scroll had some… less than appealing words written about us, saying that we were being sent home.
“I’m sorry.” I started, realizing she knew what happened. “About everything.” She simply laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Walker. What you did was courageous and brave, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.”
“I mean, I realize that what I did was totally wrong-wait.” Her words sunk in, and I realized that I wasn’t in trouble. “I shouldn’t?”
“No!” She said, laughing. Let me tell you, if I smiled and laughed early on a Saturday morning as much as she did, I would be sent to a mental hospital by my friends. “In fact, you should be proud of yourself. And about what you came for…” She fished in her bag, picking up a couple of train tickets to Ponyville. “Here you go.”
We took the tickets, almost skeptical of how easy it was. I figured that I would at least have to persuade her a little, but she just gave it to us. It was easy. “Thank you, Princess.” I said, smiling for the first time in ages. “It means a lot.”
“Don’t worry about it, Walker.” She said. As Coleton and I walked away, she stopped me. “Walker, wait one minute for me.” I walked back without hesitation. “What is it, Princess?”
“What made you do what you did?” she asked. “Saving Coleton and all. I know top-rank members of the royal guard who wouldn’t do that, so why did you?” I looked at her, and shrugged. “Proper motivation.” I could see by her look of confusion that I would need to explain what I said. “We’ve been friends since we were kids. Ever since we were in Kindergarten, we’ve been close friends. It’s not like I can just let him die. Besides, he has so many people to whom he matters so much. His girlfriend Dash, his friends… who isn’t his friend, really? I guess… a cowardly death like what would have happened when I intervened would not have suited him; if he were to die, he would need to go out in a blaze of glory.”
With that, I took my backpack and turned around, catching up to Coleton and letting the Princess process what I said.
“Hey.” Coleton said as we exited the train at the Ponyville train depot. “You know what we could do?” I looked at him, knowing he was joking. “What?” He smirked. “Maybe we can catch the new episode of MLP. It’s nine o’ clock on a Saturday morning, after all.”
I laughed, but my mind was on other matters. I thought about everyone we needed to see. I wanted to see the mane 6 and Octavia, and let them know we were okay, assuming the Princess hadn’t informed them.
As Coleton and I approached the library, we anticipated what Twilight’s reaction would be. We honestly didn’t expect to get home so soon after departure, and Twilight sure didn’t. This would be a pleasant surprise.
As we entered, we found Twilight and Rarity sitting by the television. They looked up, and their expressions changed from a desensitized, expressionless face to a look reminiscent to a kid inside FAO Schwarz. They ran up, and hugged both of us. I could smell remains of avocado masks as we hugged them, so I assumed they were having a sleepover. We sat down, and talked about what happened at war.
“So, you fought 15 Changelings, Coleton?” Rarity said to Coleton, not believing any of it. I looked at Coleton. “You can’t bullshit Rarity or Twilight, man. Want to tell them what actually happened?” He sighed, a smile spreading across his face. “Why don’t you?”
As I approached Octavia’s house, the sun was setting for the day, the few pink rays of the large ember shining over the horizon. I heard faint cello playing from the inside of the house. It was beautiful, sorrow emanating from every note she played. I prepared myself, and walked in to greet her.
As the door opened, warmness from the house escaped into the chilly environment, leaving my body begging to enter. Octavia looked up from her sheet music, tears streaming down her face, and she saw me. She sat her cello on the stand and ran towards me. We shared a hug. Despite seeing many war movies and seeing this exact situation play out more times than I can count, this didn’t feel stereotypical. I was happy to see my marefriend again, and as we hugged, I felt so many emotions that I didn’t even know existed, and I cried alongside her.
Post-Nothing Part 26: Airbag
Part 26: Airbag
“All I’m saying is that they came out of nowhere, man! They were in the trees, man!” I said at the bar later that night. It was me, Coleton, Octavia, and the mane 6 all crowded in a large, tex-mexy bar on the outskirts of town. Before I could continue, Coleton slapped a hoof over my mouth and interrupted me. “First off, they weren’t in the trees, they were flying in the sky. Second, stop embarrassing yourself, man.”
“Whatever, man!” I said, my alcohol level somehow not affecting my speech pattern. “I ain’t no senator’s son!” I will admit, I may have had a bit too much to drink last night, and I probably should have stopped after cider number… three…. four…. carry the six…. ten, but hindsight is always 20/20.
“So…” Rarity said, significantly less inebriated than both Coleton and myself in a half-assed attempt to change the subject. “What is Twilight teaching you, Walker?” I laughed idiotically. “Magic, silly.” I bopped her on the nose playfully. “Don’t you remember?”
Dear sweet Celestia, I was drunk.
“I think she means a bit more specific than that.” Pinkie chimed in, her bubbly attitude showing itself. Ever since we got back to Ponyville from Earth, Pinkie stayed away from all types of alcohol… for obvious reasons, of course. “Oh!” I said, reaching the point of her words. “I can’t remember. War trauma, man.” Coleton covered his face in embarrassment. “We were there for three days, dude.”
I looked at Coleton and shot him my best mock look of anger, which I’m certain made me look constipated. “Whatever, it’s canon!” Coleton’s face shone red with embarrassment. “I wish it wasn’t, honestly. You’ve had too much to drink.”
“I completely agree!” I said, draping my arm around him. He was a good friend. “Bartender! Let’s get another cider for my friend here, and one for me! Or just two for me, that’d be fine!”
“Oh, man.” I said the next morning at the library, looking at pictures Twilight took at the bar. “Another drunk show. Where have I seen this before?” I laid down on the couch, just wanting to die. “You can’t go to sleep, Walker.” Twilight said, a grin spreading across her face. “We’ve got a magic lesson today.”
I looked at her with my bloodshot eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” She simply laughed. “But I’m not! Now stand up!”
I did as she commanded, and she shoved a book into my hooves. It had a spell that I had never seen before; a teleportation spell.
“Wait!” I said, mind racing to form a sentence before she started her trance-like lecture. “I know this.” At these words, Twilight looked at me incredulously. “No, you can’t. This is far too advanced for you to already know. I mean, this is far more advanced than where you are in the curriculum now!”
“And you choose today, the day of a raging hangover, to teach me?” I said, but I realized I was digressing. “Whatever. Just watch.”
I recalled to my mind what I did to teleport, and redid it. It didn’t get me far, but it transported me across the library, and that was all I needed to do.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” I said, picking up my drumsticks and heading out the door. “I have a certain band to practice with and a certain marefriend to meet.” As I departed the library, I heard a familiar dragon yell from inside. “What are you gonna practice with? Your drum set?”
“Yeah, Spike, what did you thi-“ I suddenly remembered the gruesome vision of my broken drum set, far beyond repair by even the most powerful magic. “…… fuck.”
“You know,” Spike started. “You could use a new drum set.” I looked at him, giving him a look of pure contempt. “Gee, no wonder you’re Twilight’s assistant. I mean, you have such a perceptive mind.” I deadpanned.
“Whatever.” Spike said, returning to the library. “Just ask the Princess, I guess.” And the door slammed shut, leaving me confused on where to go. I could go to Octavia’s house, but I wouldn’t be able to practice without a drum set. I guess I would go just to see Octavia, but that would be awkward not practicing with her.
“I know!” I said, picking up my cell phone. “Hey, Coleton! What’s up?” I asked. A frown washed over my face. “Oh, you’re out with Dash? Sorry to disrupt.” I hung up the phone, leaving me one less option. I got a text from Octavia. “Where are you?”
I responded. “Just left my magic lesson, if you could even call it that. Do you want me to come over and practice with you guys, even without a drum set?”
Octavia sent a response. “We actually cancelled practice last night. You were a bit inebriated, but we figured you would remember.”
I laughed. “Actually, I don’t remember anything from last night. So, can I come over and hang out for a while?”
She responded. “That sounds splendid.”
Indeed.
“So I was thinking…” I said at my marefriend’s house, grabbing a nearby guitar. “That we could write a song with an intro like-“ She interrupted me with a quick kiss. “Don’t worry about that now. Just relax.”
“This is HOW I relax!” I said. “And the bass…” I said, reaching for her bass. “Could go like this.” She took the bass out of my hands and snuggled against me. “Let’s just watch some TV. Sound good?”
It was moments like this that I never wanted to lose. Hanging out with Octavia was like listening to a really good album, like The Big Come Up or OK Computer . There are no “low points” or “high points” or “good songs” or “bad songs”; they all sound superb, and you never find yourself reaching to skip the track. And when I’m forced to leave Octavia’s house at night, it feels like the last song of the album just ended, and the CD player is awkwardly skipping to the first track, ready to be played again.
Only thing is, you can’t replay it right away. You have to wait until the CD player wants to play the CD again, and you never know when that is. It could be tomorrow, or it could be next week. But whatever time it is, you enjoy it, and you’re grateful for it.
“Have you ever noticed…” Coleton said to me later that evening at the Carousel Boutique. I can’t exactly remember why we were there, but it must have been a damn good reason if I was there of my own will. “that time here seems to go by really fast?”
I looked at him. “What do you mean.” Coleton sighed, attempting to voice his thoughts. “It’s like nothing ever happens for extended periods of time. Everything seems to go by quickly, and there seems to be very little correlation between one even in our time here and another.”
“You know, you’re right.” I said, acknowledging the truth in his statement. “But isn’t that kind of like what happened on the show back when we watched it instead of lived it?” He looked up, a look of clarity on his face. “The canon MLP world operates the same as this one! That makes so much sense!”
“Yeah…” I said, not paying attention to what he said. “Why are we here, anyway?”
“I dunno…” Coleton said, boredom in his voice. “Dash dragged me here for some reason, and I invited you to hang out because she said it would take a while.”
“Dash… came here?” I asked, not believing it. Coleton nodded. “I’m as surprised as you are.”
“Why in sweet Celestia would Dash come here of her own free will? I mean… it’s a boutique… of fashion… something Dash has never been particularly interested in.”
“Huh…” Coleton said. “I dunno. Sometimes, girls are crazy.” I laughed in agreement. “True.”
“Darling! What can I do for you?” Rarity said, surprised to see her good friend Rainbow Dash enter the back room of the Boutique. “Not much." Dash said, obviously hesitating from doing something. "Just needed some advice...”
Post-Nothing Part 27: Light it Up
Part 27: Light it Up
“DARLING! THIS IS AMAZING! So… you need help with persuading Coleton to-“ Rainbow Dash pushed a hoof against her fashion-obsessed friend’s mouth. “Pop the question, yes. Could you say it a bit louder? I don’t think the people in Saddle Arabia heard you!”
Rarity restrained herself from squealing with delight, but her voice was still riddled with happiness. “Of course, darling, I will help. So what have you tried?”
Awkward silence followed. “I didn’t know what to do, so I haven’t tried anything yet. Did I do something wrong?” Dash admitted, ashamed. Rarity simply hugged her pegasus friend. “Of course not, darling. I just need to teach you about it. So first thing: try a romantic dinner. That’ll give him a hint as to what your desire is.”
Rarity couldn’t keep a straight face. After laughing for an undetermined amount of time, and leaving Dash red in the face with anger and embarrassment, Rarity calmed herself. “So, can we cross that option off?” Dash simply sat down. “Sure. What else is there?”
“Well… there is the romantic date. Try going to a place that means a lot to both of you, and remind him of how important your relationship is. It’ll give him a hind as well.”
Dash was about to say something, but perished the thought. “I don’t think subtle things will work; I don’t really like beating around the bush. Is there any more blunt methods?”
Rarity bit her lip, having tried to avoid it since she was approached with the request for help. “Well… there is one thing.” Dash’s eyes lit up. “What is it, Rarity? What can I do?”
Rarity tried to word it as eloquently as possible. She had to be subtle, but not too subtle; she needed to be blunt, but not to blunt. “Have you two had sex yet?”
Nice job, Rarity.
Dash backed away, aghast. “Ew, no! NO! JUST NO!” Rarity tried to console her friend. “You do realize that that type of thing is normal for a couple like you and Coleton? I mean, you’ve been together for a month or two, and most people have… sealed the deal… by then.”
“You know, it doesn’t help to use colloquialisms.” Dash said. “You can just tell me what you’re thinking.”
Rarity reviewed what she had learned through years of relationship advice, and tried to help her friend with her dilemma. “Well, if you want my opinion…. do it. Damn double entendre, I meant I would go ahead and reach that point in the relationship.”
Dash tried to think about what to do, but realized she had no idea how to go about it. “Well… I guess that isn’t a bad idea, but I’m not sure what to do.”
Rarity sighed, going over to her friend, sitting down with her on the bed. “Well… if you want… NO! I’m not going to “demonstrate” or “help” with THIS problem. It’s something you have to learn on your own like the rest of us.” With that, Rarity stormed out of the room, attending to the large line of patrons, angry at her absence for the last thirty minutes.
Dash sighed. This was not going to be easy.
“Finally.” Coleton said as he saw Dash leave the back room of the boutique. She looked like she was in a trance. I noticed this. “Dash, what happened? You look like you just saw a ghost.”
Dash simply chuckled. “What do you mean? I’m fine!” I looked at her, knowing she was lying, but I let it go. “Whatever. So does anyone have a solution to my drum set problem?”
Coleton sighed. “Just ask Celestia for another one. She owes us, doesn’t she?” I covered my head. “She gave us train tickets, remember?
“Yeah, but she loves us! She’ll get you a new drum set, I swear!” I looked over at Dash. She wasn’t even paying attention, she was just walking down the street with us with a thousand-yard stare in her eyes. What did she and Rarity talk about?
“G’night, Dash.” Coleton said that night as they got in their cozy cloud bed, ready for sweet slumber to envelope them. “Night, Coleton.” Dash said, the words of her white unicorn friend ringing in her head still, after all these hours.
The lights switched off, and Coleton immediately fell asleep, quiet snores coming from the left side of the bed. Dash laid down trying to sleep.
Dash, this is not like you to worry about romantic crap. Just go to sleep; you’ll be fine. Her brain was trying to console her, but her hear, with all worries, thoughs, and emotions it pumped into her brain every second, wouldn’t let her relax.
Damn it, heart! Shut up!
Alright, so let me recap:
I have a boyfriend that I want to marry, but he won’t pop the question. I also have a friend who recommends… never mind that. It’s even worse that I’m actually considering her proposition. But I’m not skilled at… that.
“Yo, Dash!” She heard from the other side of the bed. She turned around to see a concerned Coleton looking at her, fear in his eyes. “You alright? You’ve been churning for the last couple of hours.” Dash looked to her bedside clock. It was three in the morning. So… I’ve been dreaming about worrying about this situation?
Dash sighed. It looked like sleep wouldn’t even be solace from this discomfort. “It’s alright, Coleton. Just… a bad dream.” Coleton’s voice went from worry to concern. “You wanna talk about it?”
Dash gave a dry laugh, wanting nothing less than to do that. “Nah, it’s alright. It’s stupid, anyway.”
Dash laid back down, facing the wall with a fed-up look on her face. This wasn’t gonna keep going under her watch. She was going to find someone better to talk about this stuff than Rarity; she was too romantic with her suggestions; she needed someone more practical; who had much more of a relaxed view of love. It was ironic, because Dash wasn’t relaxed, but it was the best she could do.
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Post-Nothing Part 28: You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You’re Told)
Part 28: You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You’re Told)
“Yo!”
I opened my eyes, being jerked out of my euphoric music appreciation session at the local park, to see a multicolored mane and a pair of red eyes gleaming at me. “What’s up?”
I looked at her with forceful eyes. “I was relaxing, listening to music. I’m sorry, what do you need help with?”
“Well… it’s kind of complicated.” She started. I interrupted her. “Does it have to do with whatever happened last night at the boutique?”
She looked at me in disbelief. “How do you know?” I simply shrugged. “You have a very transparent poker face, Dash. Now what happened?”
Dash poked at the soil with her hoof. “Well… it started with Coleton. I guess you could say that I want to…” her voice drifted off. “I’m sorry? What was that?” I asked. I could see her try to muster up the courage to say what she wanted to say.
“I want to marry Coleton.” She said, words flying out of her mouth like a machinegun. If I had been drinking something, I would have spit it out at those words. Hell, I would have used my magic to make a drink just to spit it out if I had thought of it. “Well…” I said, not going to make her repeat that. “That’s not really a problem. Go ahead, marry him. I don’t see anything wrong with it.”
Dash sighed. “Isn’t it customary for the stallion to ask the mare to marry him?” I gave her a look of understanding. “I guess.” I responded. “Continue.”
Dash continued, the tension in the room getting thicker with every word. “Well, naturally, I went to Rarity, because, you know, she knows about romantic stuff.” I nodded. “Obviously.”
“And she made some suggestions on how to persuade him to pop the question.” Dash said, embarrassed. You couldn’t see my face, but the fact that Dash was talking about relationships was blowing my mind on so many levels; this was the most out of character I’d ever seen anyone. “Like what?” I asked, legitimately curious.
“First she suggested a romantic dinner.” She muttered. After I stopped laughing, she continued. “Then a romantic date.” I looked at her incredulously. “Incredibly subtle. Did she have anything a bit more blunt?”
Dash looked surprised. “That’s what I said, and yes she did have one more method. It was to…” her voice trailed off again. “What was that, Dash?” I asked. “Never mind. It’s too embarrassing.” She said, preparing to leave. I stopped her. “Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. Tell me.”
She took a deep breath, and rapidly spoke her thoughts. “ShesaidColetonandIshouldhavesex!” She blurted out, then covered her mouth with her hooves.
My face turned a bright shade of red. I was not talking about my best friend’s sex life with his girlfriend, was I? I think I was. Dammit.
“Well…” I started, hiding under my hand, not facing Dash’s face while I said it. “You should go for it.” Did I seriously just say that?
Dash just sat there for the longest time. She finally mustered up enough courage to respond. “What?”
Now it was MY turn to stutter. “Well, coming from a guy, the best way to a guy’s heart is through… those types of methods, so you should do it.
“HOWEVER…” I said, stopping her in her tracks away from me. “Don’t do it tonight. Wait until a good night like Saturday or Sunday. You’ll have tons of time together, and you’ll have tons of time to plan.”
Dash walked over and hugged me. “Thanks, Walker. You’re awesome.” We continued talking, awkwardness level rising slowly but surely, about exactly what to do. I didn’t expect that I would ever have to give this talk to anyone but my kids when I had them, so it was very weird. Until my savior Twilight came up to my side. “Hey Walker, Coleton’s looking for you. He wants to hang out.”
“Well…” I said, stretching my hooves. “I guess I got to go see him. Later Dash.” I ran like a bat out of hell away from that entire park, trying to force the scene out of my head.
Coleton was hanging out by the library. “Yo!” I yelled, running towards him. “Hey, man!” He said, giving me a brohoof. “What happened?” He asked, a confused look transfixed on his face. “You don’t look so good.”
“Nothing, man. Just been listening to some interesting music.” I said, awkwardly scratching my hoof. “Hey, man, I have a question.” Coleton looked at me as we walked to the music store. “What is it?”
I looked at him. “Have you ever read a clopfic?” He backed away from me defensively. “What the hell provoked that?” I put a fake smile on my face. “Nothing, just wanted to see your reaction to the question. But have you?”
Coleton looked disgusted. “Hell no! That’s disgusting!” I felt so sorry for him. He had no idea what was going on. “Oh. Okay.” I responded, perishing the thought as we walked to the store.
Post-Nothing Part 29: Tomorrow Comes Today
Part 29: Tomorrow Comes Today
“Trust me, darling, you’ll be FINE!” Rarity said, consoling her cyan pegasus friend. A week had passed since Dash’s talk with Walker, and it was the night of the date. Sure, that was what she would call it.
“No, Rarity, YOU would be fine. You’ve had experience. I haven’t, and as a result, I WON’T.” Dash said, pushing her head down into Rarity’s pillow. Rarity shrugged off what her friend said, and went to console her.
“Don’t worry dear; I talked to Walker, and he doesn’t think he’s done it either. I guess I was a bit worried about how he would know, but it still didn’t change what he said. If you’re bad, then he won’t know the difference, so there’s nothing to worry about, dear!”
After noticing exactly what she said, she facehooved and sat down with her worried friend. “Just relax, dear. It will come naturally to you; it does to everyone.” Rarity said. Dash looked up, face full of confidence. “You know what, Rarity? You’re right! I’m Rainbow Dash! I’ve done the sonic rainboom and I’m the best flyer in all of Equestria! I can do this!”
With these words, Dash hugged her friend goodbye and flew to the clouds, where she was to meet Coleton.
“Alright, dude.” I said, walking to the rendezvous point with Coleton. “Just have a good time; it isn’t gonna be a complicated date. It’s not gonna cost anything, and there’s no emotional obligations. Just enjoy it.”
Coleton smiled and bumped me in the shoulder with his hoof. “Dude, I’m not worried. Does this look like the look of someone who’s worried?” He looked at me, face gleaming with happiness. “Alright dude.” I said as my friend flew away. “Have fun.”
When Coleton joined his marefriend on the familiar cloud overlooking Ponyville, he was overcome with emotion. It wasn’t simply a date; this was time for him and Dash to spend time together without the distractions of a bill or a blaring action movie in the background. He suddenly realized what Walker was saying.
“Walker?” Spike said, looking at me slouched on the library’s couch. “What are you doing?” I looked at him. “Y’know, just… watching tv.” Spike raised an eyebrow. “The tv’s off.” I looked at it, the black screen reflecting my face. “Huh. Guess it is.”
Spike sighed. “Seriously, dude, why are you here? And why are you all spaced out?” I bit my lip. I was thinking about how things were inevitably doing with Coleton and Dash now. By my predictions, it wasn’t happening now, but it would be soon if Dash worked up the courage to start.
“Alright, Spike, I’m gonna tell you.” I said, taking a deep breath. “Has twilight given you ‘the Talk’? You know, ‘THE Talk’?” Spike looked at me in confusion until his face lit up with understanding. “Oh, yeah, she gave it to me about two years ago, why?”
I sighed. This was where things would get weird. “And you know how Coleton’s on a date with Dash currently?” Spike nodded. I kept waiting for him to put two and two together, but he didn’t seem to understand.
“On the clouds?” Spike nodded, still not getting it. “ALONE?” I asked, my final attempt. He nodded again, but this time, he got it. I could tell when his pupils dilated, and a look of confused disgust washed over his face.
“You mean… Dash… and Coleton…?” Was all he could say. I nodded. “Yes, actually.” He backed away. “Ewww, man. I always thought Dash was… you know…“
“I know.” I said, interrupting his thoughts. “So did a lot of humans, which resulted in some…” I cleared my throat. “Less than desirable reading material.
“But the point is this.” I said, trying to change the subject of the conversation. “Dash loves Coleton, and she wants to marry him. But the mare doesn’t typically ask the stallion, it’s usually the other way around. SO she needed a tactic to try to persuade him to ask, and Rarity gave her this option.”
Spike was grasping his head, trying to make sense of it all. “So let me get this straight. Dash wants to marry Coleton, but she can’t ask, so she’s trying to make Coleton ask by having sex with him?” I looked at him and shrugged. “Yeah, that’s right. Hey man, can you write me a letter asking for a new drum set? My other one was destroyed by a changeling.”
He grabbed his head more forcefully, sputtering nonsensical babble trying to keep composed. “But… why… AHH!” He walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him. “SO THAT’S A NO?!” I yelled. Not surprisingly, I received no response. “Just stay out of the clouds to the left, dude! YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE WHAT’S GOING ON!”
Meanwhile, upon the clouds, two sweaty sacs of flesh, bone, and wings were laying on the clouds, exhausted. “So…” Dash said, giggling. “That happened.”
Coleton simply shivered from the cold night air. He didn’t know exactly what had happened, but all he knew was that it happened. “…Eeyup.” Coleton said, completely ruining the moment.
“So…” Coleton proceeded, standing up and stretching. “Was that a ‘just because’ thing? Or was there something more?”
To Dash’s credit, she held her composure for a good… three seconds. But when Coleton saw the eye twitch, he knew shit was about to hit the fan.
“’Just because’? ‘JUST BECAUSE’?!” Dash yelled, not even thinking about what she was saying anymore. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I GIVE YOU… WHAT JUST HAPPENED, AND YOU THINK IT WAS JUST BECAUSE?!”
To Coleton’s credit, he seemed unaffected for a good… three seconds, before screaming and flying away, Dash right on his tail.
“Alright, alright, alright, this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening…” Coleton muttered to himself, flying at top speed away from the cyan blue nightmare behind him. “Nah, this is too lifelike to NOT be happening. But… what’s happening?”
Coleton flew to the one place he knew to be safe; Twilight’s library. He dove down, landing on the ground in one piece, before running through the front door, Dash literally meters behind him.
“DUDE!” Coleton yelled to me. I turned my head to see his face. It was a look of fear; of someone who just saw a ghost.
“Dude, what happened?” I asked before seeing a cyan blue blur pass by me. Dash ran into the tallest bookcase, landing on the ground and knocking herself out.
“Seriously, man. What the hell?” I asked, seeing Coleton run over to his marefriend. “Long story short, something went wrong. I don’t know what, but something bad happened.”
I stifled laughter. What could have possibly happened? “Did you… arrive early?” I asked, craving his reaction. He looked at me. “What are you talking about?!”
“Eh…” I said, laughing nervously. “Never mind. Just wait until Dash wakes up, and we can talk.” Coleton looked at me, the look of fear even more prominent than when I first saw him. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
All of a sudden, I saw Dash’s eyes flutter open, a temporary look of confusion on her face before anger contorted it. “You…” she said to Coleton, flying up to meet him, here eyes mere inches from his. Before she could continue her thought, I picked her up with my magic, and teleported her away. “Shut up. Both of you.” I said, deciding to let myself go on autopilot for a while. “I’ve been worried about what was happening for the last two hours, and I’m not dealing with this shit.
“Now, Dash…” I said in the most authoritative voice I could muster. “Tell Coleton… everything.” Dash looked at me, her pupils dilating. “…everything?” I nodded. “Everything.”
And so began the awkward explanation. From the beginning, with Rarity’s suggestion, to the event that led up to them in a destroyed library. “Wait…” I asked Coleon, ready to burst from laughter. “So you missed the mark? And as a result, you were chased here by a steaming mad Dash?”
Coleton nodded, obviously not finding the situation as humorous as I did. “So…” he said, awkwardly poking at the ground with his hoof. “Is that true, Dash?”
Dash sighed and nodded. “Yeah. That was my motivation to do all of this.” Coleton simply laughed. “If you wanted to marry me, you could have just asked!” I facehoofed, but made sure to help Dash keep her composure. “It’s the guy that asks the girl, remember?” I said, trying to help him out.
“Oh yeah…” He said, rubbing his chin. “I guess you’re right. But that sounds swell.” I looked up along with Dash. “Exactly what sounds swell?” Dash asked.
“Marrying you, Dash.” He said, red covering his face as he said it. “I would really like that.” I can’t say I really expected that to develop in that way. I was thinking (and hoping) that there would be a hoof to hoof fight somewhere tonight, but I was alright with this.
“Omigoshomigoshomigoshomigoshomigosh!” Dash said, running up to Coleton and joining his loving embrace.
I did not know that I, a fully-grown heterosexual male stallion, had the capacity to squee. I did not ever believe that I ever would, nor did I believe the situation would present itself. But as they stood there, hugging, electricity flowing through their very being, I squeed like a fucking Death Note fangirl. I’m damn proud to say I did.
“So…” Dash said, leaving Coleton’s embrace. “What’s our story gonna be?” Coleton looked at her with confusion. “What story?”
Dash laughed. “The story we’re gonna tell everyone else about how you proposed? I mean, we can’t say what actually happened.”
Coleton laughed. “True. Alright, here’s the story; we went to the first resturaunt we ever went to as a couple.” Dash stopped him right there. “That was a crappy fast food joint, remember?” Coleton sighed. “Second resturaunt, then. Or whenever we went to that fancy one in Canterlot.
“We ate to our hearts’ content, and we enjoyed ourselves. I got down on my back hooves with a ring and proposed, and you said yes.”
Dash laughed, and gave Coleton a peck on the cheek. “Agreed.”
Brothers Part 1: Little Acorns
A brief little anecdote:
I was going to submit this section of the story, entitled "Brothers," as its own fanfiction. But it failed moderation, under the claim that I couldn't put separate chapters of a story as their own respective story. I truly get it, and I just made this note to explain why I added "Post-Nothing" to the first 29 chapters; I consider them their own separate story, and I consider what I am starting ("Brothers") to be its sequel. Post-Nothing is now the first Story Arc, and Brothers will be the second.
Part 1: Little Acorns
“Rarity, could you hurry up, please?!” I asked, exasperated. I was at Rarity’s boutique, getting my suit tailored for Coleton’s wedding. Ever since news of the wedding between Coleton and Dash reached Rarity, she was working overtime to make sure everything was perfect. Not that she complained; now she had something to gossip about.
“Sorry, darling! This takes time!” She said in a fed-up voice. I sighed. I knew it would take time, but this was ridiculous. “Yeah, but not five hours!” I yelled, trying to make my point.
“Well, don’t you want to look perfect for your best friend’s wedding?” She asked. I knew her intent was to silence me, and I wasn’t going to satisfy her. “Actually, I could show up in a paper bag and he would be alright with it.”
Rarity simply chuckled, the measuring tape shaking with every laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous, darling, he would obviously be embarrassed!” I opened my mouth, but she silenced me with a face over my mouth. “Don’t try to prove me wrong.
“And besides,” she said, continuing her work. “Aren’t you his best stallion?” I cringed; the phrase sounded so weird to me. “Call me his best man. And yes, I am.” She gave a giddy laugh. “I’m so happy about the entire situation! You know Dash hadn’t really shown any interest in love until Coleton came along?”
I simply shrugged. “I didn’t actually. But what does it matter? I mean, they love each other, that much is obvious.”
Rarity sighed. “Do you not thing she’s rushing things a bit?” I laughed. “I guess I wasn’t the only one thinking that? But don’t worry; it’s early, but I don’t think anything will happen. The love is obviously there, and they'll mature as a unit, and not as individual ponies.”
And so came the awkward “ran out of topics” silence that had happened many times prior. I guess there was nothing to do but sit there, waiting awkwardly for her to get done.
“Hey!” I yelled to my friend on the day of the wedding. He was looking nervous, not that I expected anything else. “What’s up?” He looked up and smiled. “Not much. Just been thinking.”
“Well…” he said, awkwardly poking at the ground. “What if things don’t work out?” I went up to him and patted him on his back. “Don’t worry, man. I understand your concern, but things will. You guys just click in a way that works.”
He looked up and smiled. “Thanks, man. I’m still concerned about something, though.” Great, more counselling. But he was my friend, so I bit the bullet and asked. “What about?”
“We don’t have anyone back from Earth to see me get married.” I hadn’t acknowledged that before, but he was right; there wasn’t any old friend or family to see this. No bachelor party was complete without parents, seething ex-girlfriends and old friend to mess with you, but Coleton didn't have any of that. Sure, I was a friend, but I was just one; Bryan and Hannah would have made this wedding interesting, especially Hannah.
“Well…” I said, walking away to make preparations for the wedding. “I hate to sound so cold, but we stayed here knowing of the consequences. It’s not their fault our friends aren’t here.”
With that, I walked to the spot where the best stallion is supposed to stand, awkwardly waiting for the organ to play the familiar tune.
And so the time came that Coleton and Dash walked down the aisle. Dash looked beautiful, wearing a white dress with obvious influence from Rarity. It complemented her multicolored mane, streaks of color making the dress look as if someone had taken the sonic rainboom and laid it neatly on a white canvas.
Coleton’s outfit wasn’t bad either; A simple tuxedo complimenting his blackish-brownish mane. His outfit did have one atypical feature to it; a simple cutie mark onto the chest of the tux. it was Dash's, there was no mistaking it. It looked perfect; everything was perfect.
“We are gathered here today…” droned the monotonous officiant as I quickly lost interest. I looked around the room; aside from the mane 6 and Octavia, there weren’t many people I recognized. As I looked around, a couple caught my eye. They were a middle aged couple, a stallion with a grey coat and a black mane sitting next to his wife, with a blonde highlighted mane and a simple white coat. They looked familiar; I could’ve swore I had seen them before!
“I now pronounce you stallion and wife.” The officiant finally concluded. “You may now kiss the bride!”
“Eh, Walker?” Coleton said at the reception. “Don’t you think you should hold off the alcohol tonight?”
I looked down, noticing what I was about to drink. “You’re probably right.” I said, giggling nervously and putting the bottle down on the table. “Thanks.”
He laughed. “I just don’t want you shitfaced for the speech the best man gives.” He said. My mouth suddenly went dry. “Wait, I give a speech?” A serious look washes over his face. “You DID prepare a speech, right?”
Shit. I messed up BIG time. I simply scratched the back of my head nervously. “You seriously didn’t prepare one?!” He yells, borderline screaming. “Why in CELESTIA not?!”
“I don’t know, man!” I said, simply avoiding death at this point. “I seriously don’t.” He got at eye level, and I felt like I was looking death straight in the eye. “Your wit BETTER give you a damn good speech tonight, or so help me, Celestia.”
HE walked away, maintaining his cheery attitude to everyone except for myself. I slumped down in my chair, face white as a ghost. “I’m fucked.” I said, sighing and accepting inevitable bombing on stage/death by Coleton. Probably both.
“Long time, no see, Walker!” I heard a voice say from behind me. I looked up to see the couple from before; how did they know me?!
“Uh… hi?” I said in a cautionary tone. “May I ask how you know me?” The stallion simply laughed. “I forgot we’re in these bodies now! Sorry about that, Walker.”
“What do you mean ‘in these bodies’?” I asked suspiciously. “Who are you?” The mare laughed. “I’m Tammie, and that’s Kasey. Coleton’s parents, remember?”
“HOLY SHIT!!” I yelled, before covering my mouth with my hooves. “Sorry. Seriously, though, WOW! Never expected you two to show up!”
WE sat down and talked for the next couple of minutes. Apparently, when they heard Coleton tell them he was on a business trip, they didn't believe him. After we left, he asked Bryan and Hannah, who eventually cracked and told them the truth. They were coming with the only intention of seeing Coleton again, but to figure out he was actually getting married was just a bonus.
“So…” Tammie said, taking a sip of her drink. “Coleton’s marrying a pony?”
“Well…” I said, trying to muster an explanation for what they asked, but not finding the words. I felt like the only thing I could say to justify it was, “They've already done it!” but I would never say that to his parents. Luckily at around this time, Coleton returned to the table. “Uh, Walker?” He asked, pointing to his parents. “Who are these people?”
“Dude…” I said, laughing. “You don’t know! That’s hilarious!” While I was laughing, Tammie went to her son and hugged him. “It’s great to see you again, son.”
“The look on his face was priceless. It was a mixture between happy and surprised, and his feelings were manifested in tears. “Mom… Dad…”
Many tears were shed. Much happiness was felt. Much conversation was had between the four of us in those next couple of minutes, with Coleton’s mom refraining from mention the marriage part like she did with me. Gee, thanks, Tammie.
“Anyway, we’re gonna go sit down. The best man’s speech starts in five minutes.” Tammie and Kasey kissed Coleton and sat down at a table around the stage. Coleton looked at me. “You’ve got five minutes, dude. Make them count.”
Then he walked away. I laughed. I was certainly going to make them count. I went to the bartender and sat down. “Hey man, give me a couple… or 3… or four ciders! And please make it quick!”
Brothers Part 2: Crazy/Forever
Part 2: Crazy/Forever
“Hey, it’s time to give the…” Coleton said, walking towards me. He stopped and looked at the large amount of cider glasses that had accumulated in front of me on the bar table. “You didn’t… how many have you had?”
I turned around. “Well…” I said, looking at the pile, my voice slurring. “This is the eleventh. I think. Wait, how much is eleven again?” Coleton hit his face with his hoof. “This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening… DUDE!” He grabbed my shoulders. “I don’t know how, but at least act like you aren’t blitzed on stage. This is important.” He pushed me towards the stage, and I stumbled onto it.
I don’t know exactly how it happened. It may have happened when I saw Coleton and his parents sitting by themselves, eagerly awaiting my speech. It may have been when I saw how many people were there, waiting for my words. But something in my brain clicked, and I sobered up. The alcohol, however, rushed into my brain, and words formed on the spot.
“Coleton…” I said, standing up straight and holding the microphone stand firmly. “We’ve been friends since I’ve been old enough to remember. We were there in Kindergarten, We were there in middle school, high school, even college! We had inside jokes, a secret handshake, a secret club, and had a band! But you know what?
“None of those things makes a friend. You know what does?” I paused, surpressing the tears forming from my tear ducts. “We supported each other. We knew what the other was like, and even through numerous fights, both verbal and oral, we’ve stuck together.”
Here come the waterworks. The tears were falling down my face, but I kept talking, keeping my voice calm and collected. “Throughout childhood, life is relatively easy. We had school, music, and social obligations to keep us busy, but none of that required much thinking; even studying for tests was an easy task. To just cram things into your head, ready to spill out he next day isn’t hard. But now that we’re adults, things are harder. You have a family to support now; Dash is gonna depend on you, no matter how hard she tries to deny it. You are going to get a better house, inevitably have kids at some point,” Coleton’s parents shifted nervously in their seats.
“And you two are going to grow closer.” I said. “And none of that will be denied. Responsibilities are going to present themselves, but I’m not worried. You know why?
“Because I know you can handle it. Things will never get too hard for my good friend Coleton to handle.” I held up a glass of cider to conclude the speech. “A TOAST! To Coleton, Rainbow Dash, and the happy bonding between them!”
The scattered clinking of glasses was heard throughout the room, and applause rang throughout the quaint bar. I scuffled off of the stage to meet Octavia, Coleton, and the mane 6 minus Dash, who joined Coleton to meet his parents. “Dude…” Coleton said, before giving me a hug. “Thanks.”
Once he let me go and left, Octavia came up to me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “That was beautiful. No one could even tell you were drunk.”
I gave a loud laugh. “That’s good.” The rest of my friends congratulated me and walked over to introduced themselves to Coleton’s parents.
“Hey, man.” I said to Coleton a couple of hours later. “I’m gonna go ahead and head home.” Coleton simply smiled. “I was thinking the same thing. Dash and I have to get up early in the morning to go to work, so it’s for the best that we head home too.”
As we walked home from the bar, Coleton started talking to me. “Have you noticed that tonight hasn’t been that funny? I mean, usually our lives are laced with humor, but tonight was very serious. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t normal.”
I looked at him and smiled. “Well, you and Dash are getting married, and what is there to joke about with marriage?” Coleton shrugged and kept walking.
“You’re parents are pretty nice, Coleton.” Dash chimed in. “They’re pretty awesome with how understanding they were of us! You know, with you being a human originally.”
“Well, that was just a little introduction.” Coleton said. “They want to meet you and talk to you more personally tomorrow after work, and I figured you would be alright with that.” Dash simply smiled. “Yeah, that’s alright.”
We reached my apartment complex. “Well, it was good being your best man, Coleton.” I said as I walked away. Something didn’t feel right, though. It was like something was missing that I should have said. Usually, I leave the conversation feeling like I contributed my worth, but that wasn’t the case tonight.
I know!
“Oh yeah, enjoy the sex!” I yelled, giving both of them a wink and a laugh. Their faces turned beet red, and their expressions looked as if they wanted to kill me. NOW things felt right. “Enjoy the night.” I said before entering the building for some well-deserved rest.
Brothers Part 3: Black Mud
Part 3: Black Mud
“Walker, what are you doing here?” Coleton said to me at the library early the next morning. I simply gave a nervous laugh. “Well… I know this is where Dash and your parents agreed to meet in approximately 27 minutes, so I just wanted to help her, if she needed it.”
Coleton looked at me, straight-faced. “She won’t need any help. She’s pretty calm and collected about it.” I gave him a frustrated look. “Well, don’t you think it may be… awkward… to have the ONLY pony you’ve shagged in a room with your parents, who HAVEN’T been ponies for the past two months?”
Coleton sighed. “I don’t know, man, but she’ll be alright. Don’t worry.” I heaved a depressed sigh. “Well, let me in anyway, I have a book to check out.” Coleton gave me an incredulous look. “What book?”
“A book on how to repair a freaking drum set, dude.” I lied through my teeth. “Just let me in. This is a public place.” Coleton looked mad and annoyed, but he moved aside and let me in.
“Thanks.” I said, sitting down on the couch. Coleton’s face turned red, and he stuttered, hardly forming coherent sentences. “You-you- YOU SAID YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A BOOK, ASSHOLE!”
“Yeah…. About that.” I said, reclining on the couch. “I lied. But I won’t be a nuisance. I’ll just sit here, reading magazines and such. You won’t even know I’m here.”
Coleton looked like he was about to explode, but simply sighed, his face returning to its normal color. “Fine. But not a word, got it?”
“Of course, dude.” I said, picking up a CD and looking at the cover. Coleton gave a weak smile. “Thanks. So, any tips on what to do with this ‘interview’ of sorts?”
I put the CD down. “Look, Coleton.” I said. “My only advice is that assuming your parents are knowledgeable of what being married means, things will get awkward very quickly if you let them. If you don’t let it get awkward, then it won’t GET awkward.”
He looked as if he was about to say something, but then Dash walked in, a very transparent look of confidence hiding a nervous demeanor. “Hey, Dash.” Coleton said, walking up to her and giving her a hug and a quick peck. “You ready?”
Dash gave a nervous laugh. “Of course I am, I’m ready for anything!” she said. I gave her an unconvinced look, and noticed her sweating profusely.
“Listen…” I said, not moving from my comfortable place on the couch. “Don’t worry. Coleton’s parents are VERY understanding. If Coleton likes you, which he does, they’ll understand, no matter how bad you seem to be.”
I could see from her face that that probably wasn’t the most reassuring choice of words. “Just…” I sputtered, trying to rearrange my words in a more understanding fashion. “Don’t worry about screwing up.”
With that, Dash and Coleton sat down opposite me on another couch, an awkward silence enveloping the room. As I opened my mouth, trying to initiate a conversation, we heard the front door open, two familiar faces entering the library. “Hey, Dad!” Coleton yelled. “Hey, Mom!”
After the appropriate introductions, Tammie gave me a confused look. “Walker? What are you doing here? Coleton told me you worked at a music store, so aren’t you supposed to be working?”
Oh shit. I suddenly remembered that I had a job, and that I was three hours late for it. “Uhhh…” I said, not giving myself the time to answer before running out of the library.
“Hey, look who’s finally here!” John said as I ran behind the counter. “What took you so long?” I looked at him, fire in my eyes and a pain in my side. “That’s neither here nor there. How much do I owe you for working the last three hours?”
“I dunno what your wages are, but twenty bits will do.” he said, putting his hoof out. “Alright, you greedy bastard.” I said, laughing and handing him the money. “Thanks anyway. For keeping me from getting fired.”
He laughed. “I don’t think you understand how valuable percussionists are around Ponyville, but they wouldn’t fire you or me for anything.”
“Ha, I’m glad.” I said. “But I haven’t had access to a drum set all my own for about two weeks.” John looked at me, curious. “Why?”
I opened my mouth to tell him, but realized how stupid the story would sound. “Uh… it’s a long story.” He leaned back, drumming on his hind legs. “I have time.”
“Okay, but it sounds really stupid.” I said. “Basically, human girlfriend from home comes to Ponyville, but she’s not my girlfriend, she’s a changeling who took the form of my girlfriend. She comes in my room and trashes the place, slashes up my drum set beyond all repair. Then I figure out that the Changelings are getting revenge for what my friends did at some royal wedding, and I need to go fight against them in some war-like situation with my best friend.
“Does that answer your question?” I said, not looking up from the drums I was assembling. I didn’t get a response. “I guess that means yes.”
“See you later!” I said later that night as John was locking up. I picked up my phone and tried to dial Coleton’s number, but it went straight to voicemail.
“Hey, you’ve reached the number of Coleton Howard! I’m sorry, but I’m on my honeymoon at the moment, and I’d prefer not to be interrupted. But if you leave a message, I’ll get back to you when I can. Later!”
I hung up the phone. I was kind of offended that he didn’t tell me that he was going with Dash on a honeymoon before actually leaving, but it was quickly shoved out of my mind when I saw two large, familiar packages in my apartment’s mail room, marked with my name.
“Thank you, Celestia!” I said as I dragged the boxes up the stairs to my room. As I tumbled the contents out of their boxes, I was pleased to see that my expectations were true; it was another drum set.
“Well… there goes my night.” I said, picking up the parts and starting the long, tedious process of setting them up.
Brothers Part 4: Seasons in the Sun
Part 4: Seasons in the Sun
“Dude, come on!” I said, trying to persuade him to put the CD in the PA system. “You chose the music yesterday, I do it today!”
John gave me an annoyed look, but eventually gave in. “Whatever. It better be good, though.” As he popped the CD in and pressed play, I laughed. “Dude, these were one of the best bands back on Earth! Play track 7, though. It’s the best.”
As the stereo played the familiar lyrics, I felt truly at home. Ever since Coleton left earlier that week, I really had no one else to hang out with. I started hanging out with John way more, and he was a pretty cool guy. He played drums like no one else’s business, he loved video games, and he loved trippy music, which is why I thought Revolver would be a good album to play.
“She said ‘I know what it’s like to be dead.’” Lennon’s vocals rang through the entirety of John’s apartment as we sat down and played The Quest of Star, a really good Legend of Zelda-esque game.
“Dude…” he said, looking at the stereo. “This is awesome. Who is this?” I forgot that John didn’t know who the Beatles were; he didn’t grow up with them. “They’re this really trippy rock band called the Beatles. They’re hailed as one of the best rock bands back on Earth.”
Before I could continue, my phone rang on the table. “Uh… hello?” I said, turning the volume of the stereo down before picking up the phone.
“Hey, sugarcube, it’s Applejack.” A familiar southern accent rang through the receiver. “Oh, hey, AJ! What’s up?” I asked.
“We need your help today. Come over as soon as you can. It’s not dangerous, but it’s mighty urgent, so hurry.” She said before hanging up. “Sounds serious.” I said to John. “I have to go.”
As he reached to the stereo to eject the CD, I simply shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Keep it until the weekend’s over, and give it to me at work on Monday.
“I hope this is important.” I said as I reached Applejack at Sweet Apple Acres. “You interrupted a very euphoric music and video games session.”
Applejack gave me a look of pure contempt. “Seriously? That’s your excuse?” I laughed. “Kidding, I’m just a slacker. Now what do you need?”
“Well…” Applejack started. “The most recent Apple Family Reunion is happening tomorrow, and for the last few years, I’ve headed the arrangements for the reunion.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I saw the episode. The one where you completely destroyed the barn, right?” I saw from her face that that probably wasn’t the best way to clarify what I was saying. “Whatever, go on.”
She sighed, her face returning to its normal amber color. “Anyway, there’s always been a couple of ponies who played music during the reunion, and the drummer can’t come… says she’s sick or something like that.”
I looked up. “So you need me to play the drums for the festivities?” She nodded. “That would be appreciated, yes.”
“I can’t say no.” I said with a smile. “Just give me a couple of hours to set up the drum set to my liking.”
“Sure thing, sugarcube.” She said, leading me to a desolate field. It had a sizable stage in the middle of it, and it reminded me of the field that Woodstock was held in. Behind the stage was a storage unit, and she led me in to see the drum set.
“It’s… vintage.” I said, trying to keep a smile. In reality, it WAS vintage. Too vintage. The finish on the drums was somewhere between completely grainy and rusted beyond all belief, and the heads looked like they hadn’t been replaced in fifty years?!
“It’s Granny Smith’s.” Applejack replied, giving me a smile. “Her family was very musical, and her brother gave her this drum set. Shame she never learned it, though.” She said. “Well, I’ll leave you alone to work your drummin’ magic, so see you later!”
With that, she closed the door to the storage unit, leaving me and the grandma set alone together. “Well… where to start?” I groaned as I sat down to begin what was sure to be a long night of repairs.
“Well… it’s done.” I said the next morning to Applejack when she came to check on me. “It took forever and 120 bits, but it’s ultimately a better set as a result.”
It was tedious. I had to completely redo the finish and replace the heads with my own money. I bought a new cymbal set and new stands, and redid the set up to my liking.
“Well, that’s good.” She said, checking something off in her mental checklist. “Go ahead and transport the drum set to the stage, I guess.”
“Wait, Applejack!” I yelled. She turned around, exasperated. “What?” she said in a harsh voice. “What do I need to know to play?” She simply sighed. “There’s no songs, it’s improvised. Play a simple drum beat or something and you’re golden.”
“Okay.” I said, taken aback by how harsh she was. “No need to take that tone, I was just curious.” She looked me straight in the eye. “If it seems that I’m not on my best behavior, it’s probably because I’m just a bit stressed, okay?!”
I shot her another glance. “I’m just saying, I can be as brutally honest as you are.” She looked like she wanted to lay into me, but fortunately Applebloom showed up just before she could. “Big Sis, everypony’s here! C’mon!”
“Sure thing, Applebloom! She said, following her to the barn and leaving me to transport the drums all by myself. I heaved a sigh and picked up the bass drum, half-carrying and half-dragging it to the stage.
When I finally reached the stage, I saw a face I hadn’t seen before. I assumed he was part of the reunion because he was setting up a guitar and amp, but I had never seen him, in the show or out.
“Uh, hi.” I said, putting out my hoof. “The name’s Walker.” He bumped it. “Nice to meet ya, Walker. I’m Aceymac. Need help with the drum set, partner?”
I laughed. “You read my mind.” He was a really nice guy; very helpful and easy to get along with. We made some small talk while I set up my drum set. Apparently, he was Applejack’s cousin, and lived in Ponyville OFF of the farm. “So…” I started. “Wanna warm up? With some improvised shit?”
He laughed. “Yeah, sounds good. But don’t play that wuss stuff; I’m rock n’ roll or nothin’ at all.” I gave him a smirk, raising my right eyebrow. “Sure thing, man. Just be warned: I rock out more than anybody.”
With that, I clicked my sticks together, the familiar sound of hickory laying down a swingy, jazz-style rhythm. If he can make this rhythm rock, I thought, then he’s really good.
CRASH! I started off with a strong crash, snare, and bass drum hit, then going into a more moderate, jazzy ride pattern. He was good. He combatted the calmness of my riff with beefed up, overdriven raw power and howling vocals. It sounded like he had four distortion pedals on at once. Not that I was complaining, of course.
“Dude…” Aceymac said as the song climaxed then ended, leaving silence to envelop the stage for the first time in almost half an hour. “You’re good.”
“Are you kidding, dude?” I said, laughing. “Listen to yourself! You kick ass at guitar. You put so much skill and emotion into the guitar, you make my drums sound puny!”
He was about to respond when I saw a familiar red bow emerge from behind his guitar amp. “Acey?” She asked. “You there?”
A warm smile enveloped his face as he leaned down to hug his cousin. “O’ course, Applebloom. Just warming up for later this afternoon with Walker.”
“Well, the family wants you back at the barn.” Applebloom said. “Walker can come too, if he wants.”
“I think I’ll do just that.” I said, smiling.
“So…” I said, talking to Aceymac in the living room over a bottle of cider. “You in a band yet?” He simply shook his head. “Lots of ponies want me to play guitar for them, but none of them are good enough, y’know?”
I nodded. “I know the feeling. I’m in a band, but I’m not too happy about the guitarist or the singer.” He gave me a quizzical look. “What’s wrong with ‘em?”
“Well…” I started. “It’s like they’re stuck in the past. The guitarist sounds like he’s from thirty years ago, and the singer isn’t even GOOD! I don’t know about where you’re from, but where I’m from, we call them ‘classic rock’.”
Aceymac laughed. “Well, where are you from?” He asked. “Earth.” I replied, bringing the bottle to my lips. A look of confusion swept across his face. “Never heard of it.”
“Didn’t figure you would.” I said, looking up at the clock above the Apple family’s hearth. “Dude, when are we going down to the field to play?” He looked at the clock as well. “In about twenty minutes, everypony else is starting whatever the hell they’re doing down there, so we have time.”
He pushed another bottle in my direction, but I declined. “I have a bad history with alcohol, especially when there’s too much of it.”
Aceymac gave me a mischievous look. “What do you mean?” I shrugged. “Wanna hear about it?” I asked. “It all started around a month and a half ago when I was invited to the Grand Galloping Gala…”
“Dude…” Aceymac said through laughter. “That’s hysterical. Are you bullshitting me, or did that actually happen?”
“Not kidding.” I said, laughing with him. “It’s a wonder my girlfriend even stayed with me that… night…”
He looked up from his alcohol. “Why did you falter just then? Like… you just realized somethin’.” I sighed. Might as well tell him. “That night, we were both significantly drunk, and we… you know…” I said, giving him a hoof gesture to show him.
His eyes went wide. “That’s hilarious!” he said. “You had sloppy drunken sex after making a fool of yourself at a formal event? I mean, wow. I’m not even that bad of a drunk.”
“Yeah…” I said, understanding how humorous it actually was. “I guess I have a low alcohol tolerance, huh?”
I stood up. “Dude, we’ve got to go.” He looked up to the clock. “Shit, you’re right. We’re late.”
As we approached the stage, the smell of fresh fruit and vegetables made my weak at the knees. “Dude, that smell!” I yelled. “Don’t get all hungry yet.” Acey said. “We’ve still got to play at least thirty minutes before we can take a break.”
“But dude…” I whined, going over to get an apple. “It smells so goooood.” Acey gave me a serious look. “One apple, then stage.”
It felt weird; it felt like I was being reprimanded. But I didn’t care. Those apples were delicious.
“Alright.” Acey said into the microphone after we finally got situated on stage. “Let’s go!” I clicked us off, making no hesitation to play as hard and fast as possible.
As the song progressed, getting grittier and more blues-oriented by the second, I noticed that more attention was being paid to us, and less was being paid to idle chitchat. Eyes were falling on me and Acey on stage, and our presence in the middle of that field was staggering.
“Dude, how many noise complaints do you think we had tonight?” I said humorously to Acey as we walked home. “I dunno, maybe ‘round twelve?”
“I don’t care what you say, you’re gonna join a band with me.” I said, taking a piece of paper and writing my phone number on it. “I don’t care if it’s just a duo, or if it’s with my already-existing band, but this energy we command can’t just disappear.”
He laughed. “Sounds good. Give me a call when you want to practice. I’m pretty much available anytime on the weekends or any evening on the weekdays.”
“Alright.” I said as we reached a fork in the road. “Here’s my cell number. I’ll give you a call sometime when I can.”
“Alright, man.” He said. “Later.”
With that, we parted ways. As I was walking home, the cold early-spring air chilling me to the bone, I got a text from Octavia.
“Hey. Come on over to my house tonight, we have to talk about something.” The text read. Dammit! I thought. Whenever a girl “needs to talk,” it’s never something good. I half-walked, half-dragged myself to my marefriend’s house, dreading whatever it was she needed to talk about.
“Hey.” I said, entering the quaint home of my bass-playing marefriend. “What’s up?” Octavia looked up at me, a depressed look on her face. “Not much. Just… Mojo and Melody quit on us.”
“What?” I asked, jumping for joy on the inside. “Yeah!” Octavia replied, mad. “Apparently, we have ‘creative differences’ and they just up and LEFT!”
“Well…” I started. “They weren’t the best.” She looked at me as if she wanted to kill me. “Well, they weren’t, but they were all we had!”
“Had.” I said. “Past tense. I have someone else who’s better.” She looked at me, a disbelieving look on her face. “Oh really?” She asked. “Who?”
“Well…” I started. I told her about Aceymac, and how good he was with that type of music. “He’s AMAZING on the guitar, and he fills his vocals to the brim with emotion!”
Octavia smiled. “I guess we can audition him tomorrow evening! Text him and see it it’s cool with him.” I gave her a hug and a kiss. “Sounds good.”
Brothers Part 5: She Said, She Said
Part 5: She Said, She Said
“Wow.” Octavia said the next evening. “Just… WOW!”
Aceymac and I had arranged the evening prior for him to jam with the Alicorns today. He came over and tore the place apart. His distorted, bluesy guitar complimented Octavia’s dynamic bass style and my powerful drumming.
“Thanks.” He said, tipping his hat back. “I try.” Octavia set her bass down and went over to the drum set to talk with me. “He’s AMAZING… does he want to be in this band?” I shrugged. “I don’t know. Hey Acey!” I yelled. “Are you sure you want to be in this band?”
He laughed. “Yeah. We all just sound good together, we click better than any other band I’ve been in. I want to be a member!”
“Well…” I said before Octavia interrupted me. “You are!” She yelled, giddy with anticipation. “We’ve got to get together before the end of the week to show you the songs, and to write some new ones, and to-“
I calmly kissed her to silence her. “It’s alright.” I said. “We’ll arrange for something.” Acey started packing up his gear. “Sounds good, guys. I’ll text you guys the next time I have an extended period of time to dedicate to practice.”
With that, he picked his amp up and started to walk home, leaving me and Octavia alone. “Well.” I said. “That went we-“
She cut me off with a long, passionate kiss. It was surprising, but it wasn’t unwelcome. We went to the living room, turning the radio on and continuing the kiss.
She turned away, a red streak covering the top of her cheeks. “Walker…” she started. “Have we… done it… yet?”
I tried not to look surprised, but the concept of sex was generally a very red area that I never talked about with anyone. And having sex with an animated horse when I had been a human for almost twenty-five years was not necessarily an event I was jumping to experience.
“Yeah.” I said, my cheeks turning red as well. “Remember after the Gala?”
She sighed. “Yes, but neither of us remember that!” She argued. “And besides, we’ve been together for over a month! I would have figured we’d have some something along those lines that we would remember by this point in our relationship.
I mean…” She inched herself closer to me. “I want to remember it.”
I shivered at the connotation of her words. I tried to remember everything I learned from the shipfics I read… on occasion… but nothing I couldn’t think of any way to hold her at bay.
“But…” I stammered, trying to think of an excuse. “What about pregnancy?” It was a half-assed excuse, but it was the only one I had. “I mean, I’m not a master on the anatomy of ponies, but I do know that much.”
She pointed to my horn. “Isn’t there a spell you can use? An anti-fertilization spell?” I sighed. She had me there. I guess all of those wasted hours in the library after magic sessions with Twilight gave me the knowledge on how to perform that spell.
“But…” I stuttered again, trying to form a coherent sentence. I was cut off by a pair of wide, light purple eyes. Wide… purple… enticing eyes. I sunk into them like each was an ocean, and they attracted me like oppositely charged magnets into the bedroom with Octavia.
“Here comes the sun, du du du du…”
My eyes creaked open to the sound of George Harrison’s trippy voice, and the bubbly sound of “Here Comes the Sun” entertained me as I took in my surroundings that morning.
I looked to my right to see my beautiful marefriend next to me, her hooves draped around me. The night prior’s incidents rushed into my head, and an goofy, trippy smile enveloped my face. I looked at Octavia’s bedside clock, which read 12:00 PM.
“Shit.” I whispered. As I was getting out of bed, Octavia’s hooves forced me back next to her. “It’s Saturday.” She said, her voice affected by sleep. “We don’t have to worry about work.” I heaved a sigh of relief, and retreated back under the covers. Octavia and I sat under the soft covers, enjoying the other’s warm embrace for an hour or two, until we both agreed to get up.
“You want something to eat?” Octavia asked. “I woke up at ten and made some breakfast.” I smiled. “Sure, but you make me feel bad.”
“Oh?” Octavia turned around to face me. “How’s that?” I gave a chuckle. “You get up early on a Saturday to make something to eat for the both of us, and I just sleep through it all. I’m such a lazy-ass.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” She said, walking up to me and giving me a quick peck on the cheek. “But you’re my lazy-ass.”
We went in the kitchen, where Octavia prepared some eggs and fruit. “Huh.” I said. Octavia looked back at me. “What?”
I reclined in the chair, leaning the chair on its hind legs. “I forgot that Equestria is vegan.” I said. “Back on earth, breakfast would be something like eggs, bacon and sausage, but here, those last two aren’t an option.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She said, giving me a playfully sarcastic tone. “Maybe I should go out there and butcher some animal so you can eat it.”
I shivered at the thought. “Nah, I like fruit better anyway.”
“Oh!” She exclaimed. “Something came in the mail today that I thought would make you happy.” She slid a piece of paper over to me, and I picked it up and read it attentively.
Battle of the Bands: Best Unknown Talent in all of Ponyville!
Do you have what it takes to rock the hardest? To be loved the most by the crowd?
Sign up at The Joint!
“A Battle of the bands?” I asked. “Why would we join this?” Octavia laughed. “Look at the reward!”
I looked down where her hoof was pointing. “A record deal? Who is Vinyl Scra-“ A wave of realization washed over me. “Wait… that blue haired unicorn that does all that Deejaying? She’s going to record an album?”
“Yup!” Octavia said, a smile spreading over her face. “We have to win this thing! IF we do, it could be the beginning of our large-scale career!
“Oh, and Acey called earlier this morning.” she said, changing topics. “He said he could spend all of today learning our music. Does that sound good?”
I drank my milk. “Yeah, it does. But how did I sleep through your phone ringing?”
“Because you’re her lazy-ass.” A voice rang from Octavia’s couch. “HOLY SHIT!” Octavia and I yelled in unison as we looked over to her couch to see a familiar guitar playing pony. “When did you get here?” I asked.
“Neither here nor there.” Acey said, taking his guitar out and tuning it. “What is relevant, though, is that we get to business. I've got songs to learn and shit to PLAY!"
“Dude…” I said, walking home from band practice with Acey that night, taking a detour through Sweet Apple Acres. “You are a fast learner. I thought it would take at least two days for you to learn all of our stuff, but it only took you a few hours!”
“Well…” he said, taking his hat from his head and putting it in his guitar case. “I guess it’s a result of having a smart family. Especially my aunt and uncle.”
“Oh really?” I asked curiously. “Who?”
Acey’s face became somewhat grim and melancholy at my question. “Well… you wouldn’t know them, but Applejack’s parents were really smart. They actually left the farm to pursue more academic endeavors when I was just a young colt.”
My eyes lit up. “AJ’s parents? They were the scholarly type?” Acey sighed, almost as if he was holding something back. “Yeah. They went abroad to study somewhere other than Equestria.”
“Really?” I asked. I never considered Applejack to be the product of two intelligent ponies, but I held my tongue about it. “Where did they go?”
His face became strained, as if what he was holding back was becoming harder to hold back. “They were going to this really educated place called Haysia, but they never made it.”
Tears started rolling down his face, but he maintained his composure. “Nasty accident with their boat resulted in them drowning. When they surveyed the shipwreck, my aunt and uncle were the first ponies they found.” He fell to the ground, crying without the fear of being seen, surrounded by the apple trees of Ponyville in the dead of night.
“Man…” I said, consoling my friend. “I’m so sorry. How did Applejack react?” He looked up, regaining his composure and wiping tears from his eyes. “She didn’t.”
My look of confusion must have required an explanation, because he continued. “The thing is… I was eleven when this happened. Applejack was only two; she never got to know her parents that well. Hell, the only reason they left Applejack back at home with Granny Smith was because the rest of the family persuaded her to.
“So… we keep what happened a secret with Applejack.” he said. “We say that they’re still in Haysia today.”
I kept walking with him. “Don’t you think that gives Applejack’s parents a bit of a bad reputation? I mean, leaving Applejack as an infant and never seeing her again is never the sign of a good parent, is it?”
Acey wasn’t crying anymore, but I could tell that it was simply because his lack of tears to cry wouldn’t allow it. “She doesn’t see it that way. They’re her parents, for Celestia’s sake! She’s not going to recognize fault in someone she can’t remember seeing!”
I shrugged. He was right. They were her parents, and even if she hadn’t seen them before, she would still have that bond that only child and parent could share.
“I’m so sorry, Acey.” I said, trying to console him. “Don’t worry about word of this getting out; I won’t tell a soul.”
HE looked up, a weak smile on his face. “Thanks, man.”
“Dammit, Coleton, pick up!” I said, redialing his number back in my apartment. Finally, on call seven, he picked up.”
“Walker, I don’t know what’s so damn important, but it must be for you to call me seven times.” Coleton said in an angry voice.
“Umm…” I said. I didn’t know how to respond to what he said, so I went with the default. “What’s up?”
“What’s up?” he said, voice rising. “It’s eleven o’clock at night on the last night Dash and I are on this beach for our honeymoon, what do you think is up?”
“oh… OH!” I said, finally putting two and two together. “So I interrupted you two…” I didn’t want to say the last part, but he interrupted me before I could.
“Yes, Walker.” Coleton said. “You did. What is it?”
I sighed. “Speaking of sexual relations, last night, Octavia and I… did it.” I could hear a sigh over the other end of the phone. “Dude, you did it a month and a half ago, what’s so damn special about this?”
“Well, I remembered this time.” I said, realizing as I said it how bad it sounded. “And…” Coleton said, waiting for me to say what was important.
“And I enjoyed it.” I finally managed to squeak out. “Well, it’s sex, dude.” Coleton responded. “I’d be concerned if you didn’t.”
“No, you don’t get it.” I said. “I REALLY enjoyed it. Like more than I’ve ever enjoyed sex with a human.”
“Okay…” Coleton said, still apparently waiting for the important part of what I was saying. “What’s so weird about that?”
“Well, we’re humans at heart.” I started. “So technically, shouldn’t we be sexually attracted to humans still?”
“Dude…” Coleton said, his voice turning a bit more sincere and considerate. “We’re not humans anymore. We’re ponies. We’re animated, Technicolor ponies. So by that logic, where should our attraction lie?”
“Other ponies.” I said, realizing as I said it what he meant. “I get it now! We changed more than just physically when Zecora put that spell on us. She went into our minds and gave us the mentality of other ponies AS WELL AS the appearance of them.”
Coleton did a slow, demeaning clap over the phone. “Look who finally got it. Anything else you want to talk about? I don’t want you to call again.”
“Actually…” I started, thinking about Acey and the situation with Applejack’s parents. I realized before I said anything, however, that I made a promise to Acey that I wouldn’t tell a soul. And I don’t break promises. “…no.”
“Okay, Walker.” Coleton said. “Goodbye.”
With that, Coleton hung up, leaving me with the multitude of thoughts bouncing around my head and keeping me from relaxing.
Brothers Part 6: Launchpad Mcquack
Part 6: Launchpad McQuack
“Dear Celestia, this pressure is killing me.” I told Octavia, tuning my drums on stage at The Joint. It had been a long week of eating, sleeping, and practicing, and it was finally time to put that practice to good use.
“Why?” Octavia asked, messing with the knobs on her amplifier. “It’s a gig. We’ve played numerous gigs prior to this.”
I sighed. “It isn’t that simple, Tavi. Every gig before this, we did it solely for a paycheck. Now, there’s so much more on the line.
“We have an opportunity.” I continued, giving the snare a quick hit. “We can hit it big time with what we do tonight. A record deal with Vinyl Scratch would pretty much ensure our fame!”
“Honestly…” Octavia replied, tuning her bass. “We have it in the bag.” I looked up from my drum set. “Oh yeah?” I inquired. “What makes you say that?”
“Have you heard the other bands?” She said, giving me a look of confidence. “They sucked. I snuck a quick listen to the demos they sent in, and all of them lacked substance or meaning.”
I got up from my drum throne. “But were they technically good? I mean, skillful?” Octavia simply shrugged. “I guess some of them were, but that doesn’t mean-“
“THAT’S ALL THEY CARE ABOUT!” I yelled, jumping from the stage to grab a drink. “They don’t give a shit if the music is as deep as the ocean surrounding Equestria, as long as it sounds like the band knows what it’s doing…” I grabbed a bottle of cider and started drinking it. “They’re golden.”
Octavia exited the stage and sat down at a booth with me. “Don’t worry.” She said, relaxing me with her collected composure. “We have this guaranteed, Walker.”
With that, she gave me a kiss and got a cider for herself. “We’re the last to play, by the way.” She added. “After seven other bands.”
“Gee…” I said sarcastically. “Thanks. That makes me feel so much better.” Octavia heaved a sigh. “I honestly feel bad for Acey.” She responded. “I mean, this is his first gig with us, and it’s such an important one…”
“Acey’s fine, Tavi.” I said, taking another sip from my bottle. “He knows everything like the back of his hand. But think about it; we’re the backbone of the ba-“
She cut me off with a long kiss. “Care to continue?” She asked as she broke away. I tried to continue with my train of thought, but all that came out was inane drabble. She laughed. “Very eloquently put.”
“Well, you know me.” I said, watching the other bands as the set up at opposing sides of the bar.
“And so begins the battle.” I muttered to Acey and Octavia as the first band prepared to perform. Nothing to special, I guess. They tried to be punk and raw by making their amps as overdriven and powerful as possible, but the only thing they managed to do was make the audience’s ears bleed.
Next up was an indie pop band. Simply enough, they only had two members: one female singer and one male… everything, really. I saw him play guitar, drums, bass, piano… and this was in the span of the thirty minutes every band was allowed.
“And now, ladies and gentleman, please welcome Loyalty to the stage!” the announcer said in the same false excited voice he had introduced the previous bands with.
“Walker, isn’t that Melody?” Octavia asked, pointing up to the stage to a familiar looking earth pony.
“Holy shit, you’re right.” I said, intrigued that Melody quit our band to join this one. But there was someone else on the other end of the stage with the bassist. Someone who looked familiar, with a tan coat and a guitar cutie mark…
“Woah, that’s Coleton!” I yelled louder than I’d like to admit. Octavia looked up. “Hm, you’re right.” she said, taking a sip of her drink. Coleton never mentioned joining a band, but I guess I wasn’t all that surprised. Just as I was pleased to join The Alicorns a couple of months before, he must have jumped at the opportunity to join a band as well. He could have told me, though. He also could have told me that he returned from his honeymoon, but at that moment it didn’t really matter.
“Hello.” The lead singer said. “We are Loyalty.”
“We heard the announcer!” I yelled, getting Coleton’s attention and making Octavia slump down in her seat. “Get on with it!”
“…whatever.” The singer said, disregarding me. “This one’s called ‘They Called’.”
And so began the heaviest metal concert I had ever been to. They shook the room, with the perfect balance of bass and gain to make my ears sing with happiness. I found myself whining when their half hour was up.
“What were you saying about them being terrible, Tavi?” I asked, legitimately curious. “They didn’t sound bad, did they?”
Octavia looked at me, her face paper-white with fear. “No. I didn’t expect anyone to be that good.”
“Well-“ I started before the announcer interrupted me. “And now, without further ado, please welcome Mojo and the Karma Stealers!”
“Sweet name.” I said, to which Octavia nodded in agreement. “Wait…” she said, taking another look at the stage. “Mojo… that’s Mojo!”
I looked up to see the familiar, silent singer standing at the microphone, a small but formidable three piece backing band playing slow, melodic rock and roll. Mojo was actually pretty good with this group; his spoken word singing was complimented by the music he was speaking in front of.
“For our last song of the night…” Mojo started, pulling a synthesizer from the side of the stage. “I’d like to play an original called ‘Crystal Ship.’ Hope you enjoy it.”
“Crystal Ship…” I started, trying to place the familiar title. “Where have I heard it before?”
Before you slip into unconsciousness
I'd like to have another kiss
“THAT FUCKING PLAGIARIZER!” I yelled, luckily drowned out by the sound of the band. That was “Crystal Ship” by the Doors! I taught the band that song before Mojo left! I mean, with a name like Mojo, I had to teach him a Doors song! But he stole it and is claiming it as his own.
“Thank you.” he said as he finished the song. “You’re too kind.”
After Mojo came three lackluster bands, along the same lines as the ones that preceded Loyalty, until it was finally The Alicorns’ turn to rock the house.
“Alright, everypony.” I said to Acey and Tavi, preparing to take the stage. “Let’s show them how it’s done!”
After we played, I went over to Coleton and his band. “Hey, man.” I said. He looked back. “Oh, hey Walker! What’s up?”
“Nothing much, just mad at Mojo.” I said, still steaming from his theft from the Doors. “Why?” he asked. “Come on with me, I’ll tell you.”
Coleton and I talked for a couple of minutes while the judges were making their decisions about the winner. We talked about his honeymoon, where the band was going, and I concluded with exactly why Mojo was a thief.
“THAT FUCKING PLAGIARIZER!” Coleton yelled, face red from anger. “HE STOLE THE SONG!” I simply chugged another bottle of cider. “I know, man.” I said, disappointed at the fact that I wasn’t drunk. How high exactly was my alcohol tolerance now?
“But…” I said, patting him on the back. “You were ages better than his stupid band.” HE gave me a grin. “And so were you guys. You literally rocked the house!
“However…” he said with a significant amount of hubris. “We were better.”
“I dunno…” I said. “Some of your sweeping was a bit off. I mean, I understand if it was a mistake, but it’s worth mentioning.”
Coleton’s face turned from content to hurt, a sign that this had gone over the fine line between poking fun and fighting. A look of anger swept over him.
“Oh yeah?” He said, rising from his seat in the booth. “Was it a MISTAKE to make your snare sound like shit, or was that on purpose?”
I stood up after him, getting on eye level. I could dish out everything he said and more. “The only mistake is you guys being here in the first place. I mean, maybe if you tuned your guitar people could stand your playing!”
He got mere inches from my face, face red hot and teeth gritted. “Maybe if YOU stayed on beat, people could tell what the damn song was supposed to SOUND LIKE!”
I matched him, slamming my forehead against his. It hurt, but I wasn’t about to let him see me weak. “Your amp was so obnoxious and overdriven, all of the glasses in the room shattered when you started playing!”
“At least people could hear the guitarist my group!” Coleton shot back. “You totally drowned your guitarist out, you attention-dependent prick!”
“Why don’t you go back to playing sub-par solos, wannabe!” I yelled, turning around to leave every space within a ten foot radius of him.
“WHY DON’T YOU GO BACK TO KEEPING RHYTHM, LITTLE DRUMMER PONY!” Coleton yelled to me. “OH YEAH, YOU NEVER DID THAT ANYWAY!”
I didn’t dare turn around and let him see me cry.
“Hey, Walker.” Octavia said as I sat down beside her, hiding my face behind my foreleg. “You alright?”
“Yeah.” I said in my best false happy voice. “Couldn’t be better.” She tried to continue interrogating, but before she could, the obnoxious announcer came out to declare the winner.
“Alright, everypony!” he yelled. “First of all, everyone was absolutely amazing…” The announcer started. “SHUT UP AND ANNOUNCE THE WINNERS, ASSHOLE!” Acey yelled, obviously having had a couple of drinks.
If looks could kill, Acey would have been a dead pony right then and there, but the announcer held his tongue. “Alright, whatever. The winner of the annual Battle of the Bands at the Joint, and the winner of a record deal with the lovely Ms. Vinyl Scratch, is…”
Brothers Part 7: Missing Pieces
Part 7: Missing Pieces
“Mojo and the Karma Stealers!” The announcer yelled, Mojo and his band rising from their table to accept their reward.
I looked over to Coleton, who looked back at me. We both had the same look of confusion, the same look of “how did this happen?” We realized quickly, however, that we were supposed to be hating each other at the moment, because we both turned away quickly.
I looked to my bandmates. Acey looked let down, and I knew it was because he saw himself as the reason we didn’t win. I looked at Octavia, who had a look like she wanted to kill Mojo then and there. I know that because I had the same look plastered on my face as well.
“Alright…” I said, gathering Acey and Octavia. “Band meeting. My apartment. Now.”
“THAT NO GOOD,ROTTEN, LYING-“ Octavia started, before I joined in. “STEALING, SHAMELESS, PIECE OF SHIT!” We were back at my apartment now, where nothing could be held against us.
“Wait…” Acey said, interrupting our curses. “what’s up with this?” I sighed, and got a few bottles of cider from my fridge. “That was a song back on Earth that I taught Mojo.”
“…what?” Acey said, confused. “Oh…” Octavia said, a look of clarity on her face. “You didn’t tell him where you’re from?”
“Apparently not, or he would know what I was talking about.” I said, realizing what was going on.
So I told Acey about everything. From the beginning, when Pinkie and Twilight arrived on Earth to that very night. I finally finished, finishing the last sip of cider and awaiting his response.
“Are you serious?” He asked, skeptical of the credibility of my story. “Yeah, he is.” Octavia said, backing me up. “Everything is completely true.”
He sighed. “THAT NO GOOD, ROTTEN, LYING-“ He started. I laughed along with Octavia. It felt good to laugh, especially after the contrasting emotions I felt that night.
“I guess we didn’t lose all that much.” Octavia said, smiling. “I mean, a record deal may be hard to come by, but I doubt winning one will give them much credibility as a musician.”
I laughed. “I guess you’re right about that.” I gave her a hug, both of us enjoying the support of the other.
“And besides…” Acey said, laying down on my couch and looking at the ceiling. “We can record our own album.”
I looked up, confused. “What? You can do that?” I remembered back when I still lived on Earth, and Coleton was teaching Twilight how to use the computer. That meant they didn’t have computers in Equestria, so what would they use to record?”
“Yeah.” Acey said, smiling. “It ain’t that hard. I mean, you download some software on the computer. It may cost a decent amount, but it’s full capabilities are amazing.”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait.” I said, lost by Acey’s words. “You have computers here?” Acey looked at me, an amused look on his face. “Yeah. You seriously didn’t know that?”
“I just assumed, because I saw Coleton teaching Twilight how to use Google… wait.” I said, finally putting two and two together. “Do you guys have internet?”
Both Octavia and Acey looked confused. “Internet?” Acey asked. “What’s an ‘internet’?” Octavia asked. A realization swept over me. They had computers, but they didn’t have the technologica capabilities to have a worldwide web system. “OHHHH!” I simply said, finally getting clarity on the situation.
“Never mind the internet.” I said, simply shrugging it off. “We need to get recording. Octavia?” I asked. “Do you have a computer?”
Octavia nodded. “I have one upstairs in my cello practice space, why?” I simply smiled. “That’s good. I’ll get some recording software with my discount at the music store, and I’ll install it on your computer. Then we can get to recording.”
That evening was spent planning the recording. For the first couple of weeks, we would record all of the rhythm parts. Then we would bring Acey in and record the guitar and vocals, which would take a week at the most.
“So… are we just going to spend every waking minute at Octavia’s house?” Acey asked me. “I don’t see why not. Is that alright with you, Octavia?”
Octavia nodded cheerfully. “That sounds great. For the first couple of weeks, it’ll be just me and Walker. We’ll go to work, and then we’ll come back to my house and record. I’m alright with sharing the living space.”
I smiled until a sudden thought arose. “So… will I be sleeping over at your house for the duration of the next two weeks?”
“Yeah.” Octavia replied. Acey simply got up slowly. “So… call me when you need me to record, okay? I’m gonna go. See you two later!”
With that, he basically bolted towards the door, realizing what was going on with me and Octavia. When the door slammed shut, and we heard Acey’s hooves in the hallway of my apartment complex, Octavia and I simply laughed and sat together on the couch.
“So…” Octavia said, a red blush washing over her cheeks. “It’s just the two of us…”
“All alone…” I said, inching closer to my love with every word spoken. “For the next couple of weeks …” she continued, the space between our lips getting smaller. “In your house…” I concluded.
With that, we finally reached each other, and we shared a kiss. It was warm and embracing, the memories of the night disappearing in a sea of happiness. We were finally alone, able to enjoy each other’s company without the distraction of friends or responsibilities.
We finally broke the kiss, and looked into each other’s eyes. “Would you like to stay over tonight?” I offered. “I can buy recording software tomorrow and we can get to it.”
“That sounds delightful.” She responded, a smile enveloping her face as we laid together on the couch, glaring into the warm glow of the TV screen. Neither of us wanted to go to sleep; neither of us wanted to abandon the other.
Brothers Part 8: All Apologies
Part 8: All Apologies
Octavia awoke the next morning in the warm embrace of her coltfriend, Walker. Or, at least, her sleep-induced stupor gave her the impression she was. When she finally opened her eyes, the rays of the morning sun showing through the blinds in the small window, she found that she was hugging her coltfriend’s pillow, with a note taped to the pillowcase.
Sorry for leaving so early, Tavi; I had something I needed to resolve from last night. Go ahead and feel free to get something to eat or drink; what’s mine is yours. Don’t worry about me, either; I’ll be over at your house with rhythm in my heart and recording software in my hoof! Go ahead and lock the door when you leave, please; you know where the key is. Love you!
Octavia sighed; she honestly wanted to see her coltfriend that morning, and say bye to him before he departed. But she understood that it must have been a pretty important for him to leave on such short notice.
She yawned and left the bed, stretching while she did so. She picked up her phone from the bedside table to see if she had missed any messages, which she had.
She skimmed through the thirty-six missed messages from her friend, Berry Punch. All of them showed signs of inebriation; Berry was a party animal, and considering last night was Friday night, she probably went out with available friends and got absolutely wasted. It was a wonder Octavia was even friends with her; they were polar opposites.
She eventually got to the last message, which was sent just five minutes prior. It read “My head is killing me; meet me at The Joint if you can.”
Octavia smiled; it figured that Berry would want to meet up at a bar in the morning. She sent a quick “I can, see you later” back to her friend and went to the bathroom to take a shower.
“So…” Coleton said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Why did you call me here, man?”
I sighed. I sent him a text saying to meet me at the town square. This wasn’t going to be easy to do, but it was something I should have done at the bar. “I just wanted to apologize.” I said, making sure to say everything clear so I wouldn’t have to repeat myself. “I was a real asshole last night.”
“Well…” Coleton said, walking over to the trash can and throwing his empty coffee cup away. “Yup, you were. But I guess it’s alright. I mean, you were drunk, and you have a history for doing stupid shit when you were drunk.”
I laughed. “What gave you the impression that I was drunk?” I asked. “Well…” He responded, cracking a smile. “I saw the multitude of cider glasses in front of you, so I figured you were drunk.”
“Oh no.” I said, laughing. “My alcohol tolerance has just gotten freakishly high.”
He chuckled along with me. It felt good to be on good terms again. “So…” Coleton continued. You want to hang out today?”
“Sure, but only until around four.” I said, reclining on the park bench. “I’m meeting up with Tavi.”
He gave me a devious look, and I immediately read his thoughts. “Not for that exclusively!” I defended. “We decided as a band to record our own album and we’re starting with the rhythm section tonight. Simple as that.”
“Whatever.” Coleton said, still entertaining his original notion. “Wanna go to the music store? They’re stocking some picks I’ve been wanting to try out.”
“Hey, Berry.” Octavia said, sitting down with her friend in the corner booth her friend always sat at. “What’s up?”
The pink pony turned around, smiling to see her good friend. “Oh, hey Tavi. What’s up?”
“Not much.” Octavia shrugged. “Just got back from Walker’s apartment; we were there discussing our plan to record the band’s debut album.”
“Among other things, I presume?” Berry said, playfully punching her friend in the shoulder. Octavia blushed, quickly trying to change the subject. “So what happened last night?” She asked.
“Oh, you know.” Berry said. “Went out with friends, had fun, the usual.” Octavia sighed. “Did you know my band played a gig last night? At the Joint?”
“Oh, sorry Tavi.” Berry said, legitimately apologetic. “I had no idea. Honestly, you haven’t been keeping in touch with me all that much lately. This Walker guy must be great to take up so much of your time.”
Octavia blushed, but it was a shameful blush, and not a playful one. “I’m sorry about that, Berry. I would have texted you more and met up with you more, but you’re right about Walker.”
“Actually…” Berry said, a mischievous smile on her face. “I heard about him at the Gala a couple of months ago. The entire situation with him and Blueblood was hilarious.”
“Yeah, but in Walker’s defense, Blueblood deserved it.” Octavia replied, laughing with her friend. “But you know why I think you like him so much?” Berry replied. “From what I’ve heard of him?”
“Why exactly?” Octavia asked curiously. “Because he reminds you of yourself.” Berry replied. “Remember university?”
Octavia recalled her college days, and how during that time she was just as much of a party animal as her friend, perhaps even more of one.
“Yeah, but that was the past me.” Octavia replied, taking a sip of the apple juice the bartender brought her.
“No it isn’t, Tavi.” Berry replied. “That wasn’t the past you, that was you! The civilized act you put on when you’re around me is simply that: an act!”
Octavia chuckled, although she didn’t want to acknowledge the truth in her friend words. “Since when are you a psychologist, Berry?” she asked.
“I don’t know, Tavi.” Berry replied. “I think a hangover just brings out the part of me that DIDN’T drop out of psych class.”
“But I have to go, Tavi.” Berry concluded. “Sorry for cutting this short. Make sure to introduce me to Walker when you get the chance. I’d love to meet him!
“However…” Berry added as she made her way towards the door, leaning in towards her friend’s ear, her voice somewhat sultry and barely a whisper. “There are some parts of our college days that I don’t want to forget.”
With that, Berry left the bar, leaving Octavia to ponder her friend’s words.
Brothers Part 9: Run Right Back
Part 9: Run Right Back
“Walker?”
I looked from the comfortably warm glow of the computer screen to see Octavia in the hallway, eyes fogged with sleep and a perplexed look on her face. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I figured that I would spend a couple of minutes familiarizing myself with this software.” I said, shrugging. “We did finish recording that song tonight, after all.”
“Well, yeah…” My marefriend said, pointing to the clock above the computer. “but it’s three in the morning.”
I looked up. Where the hell did that time go?! The last thing I remembered was mixing the bass and drum tracks, before I…
“But, look at this thing I made!” I said, playing a 30 second electronic beat I apparently spent five hours making. It wasn’t even good, but I might as well have been Bono with how proud I was of it. “I mean, it’s all... wub and stuff.”
“It took you five hours to do that?” Octavia said with an incredulously amused look on her face. “Why don’t you come back with me and get a few hours of sleep before tomorrow comes?”
I sighed, and realized how tired I was. My eyes were struggling to stay open, and the computer screen was blinding from the amount of time I had spent looking at it. “Sounds good.”
“So…” Berry said to Octavia the next day. Octavia and Berry decided to meet up and eat lunch, and they were having a pleasant conversation over a couple of confectionaries. At least, it was pleasant. “How was last night?”
“Not bad, Berry.” Octavia said, avoiding the answer her friend wanted in the hope that she would just lose interest. “We recorded the rhythm for our first track, and we’re going to continue until we have them all. It’s simple, really.”
Berry gave a chuckle. “No, that wasn’t what I was talking about. “ Octavia sighed; her friend could really invade her business at times. “Berry, you know I don’t like talking about things of that nature.”
“I was simply asking!” Berry said defensively. “I mean… is he good in the sack?” Octavia felt her face redden. “Can we change the subject, please? This is uncomfortable, to say the least.”
“Well, he CAN’T be better than I wa-“ Berry started before her friend put a hoof over her mouth. “BERRY!” Octavia said, with a voice bordering on scolding. “That was in the past, okay? You’re a great friend, but I don’t think about you… in that way anymore.”
Berry simply shrugged and took another sip of her drink. “It’s okay, Tavi. It wasn’t a very good thing that I did, so I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.” Octavia said.
Berry then resumed her normal cheery demeanor as if the previous conversation had never taken place “But Walker seems like a cool guy! Maybe I’ll drop by your house sometime this week and meet him!”
Dear Celestia, Octavia thought. I hope Walker’s having a better time.
“DUDE!” Coleton yelled, covering his ears. “Just stop talking!” I tried to coax his hands off of his head. “C’mon, man.” I said. “It was pretty good.”
“Yeah, but what goes on with you and Tavi behind closed doors is NONE of my business.” Coleton said, going back to perusing among the guitars. We had decided to meet up at the music store. I wasn’t working that day, but the music store was my default if I had no idea where to go.
“I just don’t know what else to talk about, man.” I said defensively. “I mean, nothing much else is going on these days other than the recording.”
“Well, I’ve got one thing to say about all of this ‘sex with Octavia’ shit.” Coleton said, not looking away from the amp he was using. “When you have sex with Octavia, you’re having sex with every stallion… or mare… she’s ever fucked.”
“I don’t even think she would ever have sex with another mare.” I said, considering his words carefully. “I mean, she’s with me, right?”
“Yeah, and according to you, she’s very satisfied…” Coleton said as a red streak appeared above my nose. “But I mean, a lot of shit could have happened before she met you.”
“Whatever.” I said, not wanting to consider the possibility anymore. “How’s your band going?” Coleton looked up, pleased at the opportunity to talk about it. “Pretty good. I mean, we’ve been getting a lot more gigs around here ever since people saw us at the battle of the bands, so it’s making the bills a bit easier to pay every month. How about yours? How’s the recording?”
I smiled. “Recorded the rhythm part last night with Octavia for the first song. There’s more to come.”
“You know…” Coleton said, putting the guitar back on its stand. “When you phrase it like that, ‘recording the rhythm part’ sounds like another word for sex.”
“Considering the OTHER events that transpired that night, it might as well be.” I said, enjoying the disgusted yet amused look that washed over my friend’s face.
“Do you want to take a break?” Octavia asked her coltfriend that night. They had spent the better half of three hours recording the drum part for a certain song, and a last-minute written part in the song was screwing Walker up every time. He looked like he was about to burst from frustration.
“Sure.” Walker said, a smile rising on his face. “We’ve recorded two songs, we can wait until tomorrow to record the next one.”
Octavia smiled. “Can we just lay down and listen to that Food Fighters album you brought over?”
Walker gave a contented smile, and hugged his marefriend. “They’re the ‘Foo Fighters,’ Tavi.”
“Whatever.” Octavia said, chuckling. Nothing could be more perfect at that moment. She was there with the only person she wanted to be with, and they had no responsibilities to fulfill for the rest of the night. They could just sit down and talk, or listen to music, or just enjoy each other’s company. Things were pretty damn good for Octavia.
That is, until they heard a knock on Octavia’s front door.
Brothers Part 10: Future in the Past
Authors Note: Yeah, it's been like 16 days since I wrote last. I'm sorry, I work best over holiday breaks, and that ended on the 7th, so... I'm sorry. Things won't be very common or scheduled from this point, but I will NEVER stop writing. Tencentpartycannon here, hoping you enjoy this next part.
Part 10: Future in the Past
“Walker…” Octavia stuttered, amazed at the predicament that lay before her. Here she was, in the middle of her coltfriend and an unbelievably drunk friend, who had arrived in the middle of the night for seemingly no reason. Both had yet to have been introduced to each other. “This is Berry. Berry Punch.”
“Nice to meet you.” Walker said, putting out his hoof to greet Berry. “Absolutely charmed.” Berry said in response, avoiding the hoof and walking over to the couch, falling onto it and hardly maintaining a state of consciousness.
“Berry…” Octavia said, holding back absolute rage at her purple friend. “Why are you here?” Berry simply looked over, a drunkenly content look on her face. “Well, I got drunk, and I thought I would come over here, because it’s closer to the pub.”
“You live RIGHT by the pub, Berry.” Octavia said, covering her face with a hoof. “You walk through a door FROM your apartment INTO the bar.”
“Whatever.” Berry said, walking over to Octavia and hardly avoiding tripping on her own hoofs. “I wanted a place to crash, and MY house…” her voice turned seductive. “didn’t have you in it.”
“JUST GO UPSTAIRS AND GO TO SLEEP THEN, BERRY!” Octavia yelled, her friend seemingly unphased by the increase in volume. “Sleep the night away.”
“But aren’t you coming with m-“ Berry started before Octavia started pushing her friend up the stairs. “Berry, I know enough about you to know when you’re going to regret something, and nine out of ten times, those things are when you’re drunk.
“Now GO. TO. SLEEP.” Octavia said, slamming the door to the guest bedroom closed and retreating back downstairs to her confused coltfriend. “It’s alright.” Was all Octavia had to say before she sat down, finally enjoying her time again.
“Hey.” I said, my marefriend cuddling up to me on the couch. “I need to go to the restroom, okay?”
“Okay, you know where it is.” Octavia said, prying herself away from me. “Just be quiet. We don’t want her to wake up.”
“Oh come on.” I said, laughing. “I could blast In Utero right next to her and she wouldn’t even budge.”
Her look of confusion made me realize that I had yet to introduce her to that album, and that I had one more thing to do in the morning other than tend to the drunken beast. “I’ll explain later.” I said, retreating up the stairs to the bathroom.
I closed the familiar white door to the bathroom and faced the calming picture of a daisy as I did what I needed to do.
“You don’t deserve her, you know.” I heard from beside me. I looked to my left to find a familiar looking purple pony, staring straight into my eyes, weirdly lacking the drunken glaze that had once covered them.
“AH!” I yelled, backing away and painfully stopping what I had been doing. “What the HELL are you doing here?”
“That’s neither here nor there.” Berry responded. “All I know is that she is too good for you. You’re a bum! The only thing you have going for you is your musical ability, and that isn’t much.”
“And besides…” she concluded pointing to the spot between my hind legs. “I’ve seen FAR bigger.”
I didn’t know what to say after that, and Berry could see my confusion and unresponsiveness, so she simply shrugged and turned to leave.
“Hey.” I said, my rage finally boiling to my head. “I don’t know why you’re talking; Octavia would NEVER date a 24-hour drunk like you.”
“Oh really?” Berry said, looking at me and piercing me with her stare. “You wish.”
With that, she retreated to the guest room opposite the bathroom, the door not even fully ajar before she collapsed on the floor in a drunken mess, prompting an awkward laugh from me.
“Bitch.” I muttered, dragging her into the bedroom and putting her on the bed before going back down to the living room with my marefriend, the last words Berry muttered before passing out ringing through my brain and my brain being clouded with the phrase “you wish.”
Post-Nothing Part 6: On a Plain
I set my alarm for around six in the morning; we were planning on leaving pretty early, and I had some things I wanted to pack. As I rolled under the covers in that awkward stage between awake and asleep, I realized that I was missing a day of work, and would have to call in sick. It would be an overused excuse, and my boss probably wouldn’t believe me, but “I’m going to a different dimension inhabited solely by personified ponies” probably wouldn’t sound any better. When I finally got out of the living room, I was surprised to see Twilight asleep at the computer desk. I presume she was writing to the princess and fell asleep in the process, but I didn’t want to wake her. Luckily, Coleton had taught her about Youtube, so she had a playlist of music (I guess she saw my CDs next to the bed and wondered what they were) playing through headphones and I was able to sneak past her and start packing. By seven, I had a backpack full of clothes, CDs, a portable CD player, an unnecessarily large amount of batteries, a drumming practice pad and some drumsticks. I didn’t see much use in the drumming peripherals, as I would become a pony without fingers almost as soon as we got to Ponyville, but it would remind me of home.
Turns out, neither Pinkie nor Coleton got up until around eleven, and we were only ready to go at around twelve or so. Normally, I would have been thinking about the time we would be spending away from Earth, and what we would need to do to make up for the time we would lose. Luckily, the government sent out informational packets on these devices, and the packet said that time “paused” in the dimension you left while you were gone, so I wasn’t sweating it. Coleton packed a lot: he had a suitcase, a large backpack, and a guitar case. I thought he was going to die with all of that, but I held my tongue.
“Alright,” Twilight said when we were all gathered in the living room, ready to depart. “Are you ready?” We all nodded, with Coleton and me so giddy and anxious we couldn’t stand it. From her backpack, Twilight pulled out a small disc with a small button on it, which turned out to be the return pad. She placed the disc on the ground and pressed the button, letting the disc expand to a large circular pad with a diameter of about six feet. We stepped on, as Twilight commanded, and Twilight pressed another button on a remote control.
“WOAH!” we yelled as the world around us blurred, looking like a painting left out in the rain. Eventually, the colors of our surroundings refocused, but it was a different world entirely. Around us were hundreds of ponies of all different sizes, types, shapes, and colors. As Coleton and I looked around, we noticed we were in the town hall, on the same stage where Twilight forced all of the Pinkies to watch paint dry. It was a weird feeling to be looked at by the citizens of Ponyville, a place we never even knew existed just half a decade ago. However, the feeling soon turned to happiness as the town hall erupted with applause.
Twilight stepped up to a microphone, and started speaking about her experience in Earth along with Pinkie. We sat down in a couple of seats in the front row, and listened attentively.
“My trip to the different dimensions led me to Earth, a planet inhabited by humans.” Coleton and I zoned out, as most of her report consisted of information on the history of the Earth and of the United States she assembled at the library. When she finally talked about Seattle, we looked up and started listening. She was surprisingly informative for only being there for two days, and she was able to cover a lot about our culture, including the bar. She left out Pinkie’s experience with alcohol, and I saw Pinkie breathe a sigh of relief. “And in conclusion,” she said, “I would like to thank my friends Coleton and Walker for being so hospitable to Pinkie and I and letting us stay at their home. It means a lot.”
At this, she bowed and walked towards the curtain behind her, followed by roaring applause. She motioned for us to join us as she walked backstage. Coleton and I walked onto the stage, bowed, and followed her.
When we got backstage, we were surprised to see Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack sitting on the couches behind the curtains. It was an amazing sight: all six of them together in one room was something I thought I would only see on TV.
Before we could walk forward, Twilight introduced us. She points to me. “Guys, this is Walker,” she points to Coleton. “and this is Coleton.” We both took turns introducing ourselves, then sat down on the couches as well. “So, Twilight.” a voice said from far away. We turned to see none other than Princess Celestia herself. “Princess,” I walked up with a hand ready to shake, but I realized too late my mistake. “What an honor it is.”
The princess simply laughed. “And the same to you, Walker.” I walked over to sit down with Coleton, and she thanked us for helping Twilight and Pinkie while they were on Earth. She then instructed the mane six to take us into the Everfree Forest. “See Zecora and tell her to change the form of these two.” She left promptly, and as everyone exited the building after her, Coleton and I followed suit.
It was late evening when we arrived at Zecora’s house. The cursed blue “Poisoned Joke” plant was prominent in every part of the forest, and we made sure to steer clear of it. The sky was a dark purple tinted with the pink of the setting sun, which was beautiful from the darkness of the forest. When we arrived at Zecora’s house, she let us in and led us to a room with two tubs of water. Zecora finally spoke in her signature poetic fashion “You must get in the tub, my child, for the reward will be worth the while.”
Coleton and I, both embarrassed, stripped down and got in the tub, where Zecora used curtains to surround the tubs, concealing us from everypony’s view. She called out to Coleton. “What are your wishes and desires, dear friend? A pegasus flying high in the sky, or a pony walking below on land?”
I knew what Coleton would say before he said it. “A pegasus, please.” Of course. His favorite pony was Rainbow Dash, so he probably was doing it because of her.
I heard her chanting through the curtains, and it was amazing how close to the show she was.
My dear Coleton, friend of a friend
You are no longer a human walking on land
From now on you shall fly so high
For you are a pegasus traveling through sky!
She then turned to me, asking what I would like to be. “I would like to be a unicorn, Zecora.” A decade ago, when I wasn’t a brony, I would never have expected those words to ever come out of my mouth. Zecora started chanting again, but it was worded differently for me.
My friend Walker, a human of wants
Before any others begin their taunts
I shall change your way, shape, and form
For you now possess a single horn!
Being transformed tickled; I felt all of my cells regroup at different locations, and I felt a single weight develop above my eyes. When Zecora said to leave the tubs, we stepped out.
Coleton looked pretty good. His colors stayed true to his human form, with a tannish body and a brown mane. “You look great!” I yelled to him. “You too!” he yelled. Zecora gave me a mirror. I did look good, with a peach body and a blonde mane, I stayed pretty true to my human form as well. “Dude….” I heard him say. “What?” I responded.
“Look at your thigh.” He said, somewhat skeptically. I looked at my thigh to find a surprise: my cutie mark. Apparently, according to Zecora, we earned them as a human and they just weren’t visible. It was a single drum with two drumsticks beside it. I loved it.
I looked over to Coleton to find his cutie mark to be (big surprise) a guitar. It was shaped like a Gibson Les Paul. It looked like a tattoo; then again, so did mine. After thanking Zecora for her services, we left with the mane six, coming to grips with the fact that we were now ponies. Coleton was so happy, he tried to fly right then and there with disastrous results. We had to pick him up out of a ditch. By we, I mean everyone else but Rainbow Dash who couldn’t stop laughing for the life of her.
We finally got back to the library at around eleven. The other five had said their goodbyes, and now it was only Coleton, Twilight, and I. “I assume you’re familiar with Spike?” said Twilight with a smile as she pointed to a sleeping purple and green dragon by her bed. “Yeah. But he’s asleep, so don’t bother to wake him up.” Coleton said with a smile. Twilight pulled up a futon-like couch for Coleton and I to sleep on, and apologized that it was so small. Coleton offered to sleep sitting up and let me do the same, but it was obvious he wanted to sleep actually laying down. I eventually just decided to sleep on the ground; I had grown a liking to it over the past couple of days.
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Post-Nothing Part 23: Little Black Submarines
“YES!!!!” I yelled, seeing the little red beacon representing Coleton. He was using his brain and avoiding conflict. “That was really smart, what you did back there.” I told Coleton as he and the small group flew away with a relatively low danger level. They weren’t in the clear, but the threat wasn’t that big.
“Thanks.” He said, wasted adrenaline shaking his voice as he flew away. “I wasn’t going to join that fight. That would have been suicide.” I looked around, noticing all the beacons by the coast that were disappearing as every life sent to fight was being lost. It was depressing to see the other operators set down his or her headset and walk out, as his or her only hope for contribution was lost with the pony he or she was helping. “Dude…” I said, noticing black beacons coming from the north. “Retreat NOW!”
And this was how the next couple of hours went, with me leading him to the safest location. I had to lead Coleton through combat, and it was no question that he had to fight individual Changelings every once in a while, but I kept him from the large packs that would rip him to shreds. As I led him on, the fatigue became heavier on his voice, and his voice slowly became less lively as the time went on.
“Dude, keep fi-“ I started before he interrupted me. “You know something, Walker? Maybe I’m sick of fighting.” I was fearing this was his loss. This was his loss of motivation. “Dude, keep going. I can’t stand the thought of you just giving up. Keep go-“
“I DON’T CARE, MAN!” I heard through my headphones, my eardrums assaulted by a depressed, shrieking friend. “I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE! Do you know how many of those Changelings had the same look of fear on their faces as I had to fight them? I let them go, I let them fly away, but that look of fear, that temporary look of inevitable death on their faces… it’s inhuman.” I let his words sink in, a tear falling down my face. It was inhuman, to send my friend to either die for the military or kill for it. Coleton was my friend, so full of life and humor, and now he was reduced to a sack of skin and bones, all motivation lost.
“You don’t mean that, man.” I said, trying not to let my crying affect my voice. “You don’t know how much you mean to people. I don’t want to lose my best friend, Dash certainly doesn’t want to lose the best damn boyfriend she ever had, and I wouldn’t know what to do without you, man. Friends forever, since kindergarden.” I noticed a weak chuckle through my earphones.
“Remember that fight we had, man?” He asked. “That fight in Kindergarten that made us not speak to each other for years? What was that about?” Good. I was tapping into his memories. “I don’t know, man. I think I stole your animal crackers or something.” I said, trying to initiate humor. “But we’ve been close since then, man. You helped me through shit I could never have gone through alone. I don’t want to go home without you, man.
So get up and fight, man. Let’s go back home, see our marefriends and our best friends again. Enjoy life from now on.” I looked up to the screen to see a group of Changelings heading straight to his location. Most of his fellow pegasi had died, that much I knew. If Coleton didn’t fight, this would be the end of him.
“Dude, group of around fifteen changelings headed your way. Get up and fly southeast.” His location didn’t move. It was still there, but there was no voice responding to me, and there was no movement of his beacon on the screen.
“DAMMIT, COLETON, MOVE!” I yelled. No movement. No voice. My mind raced for a solution; he was unresponsive, but alive. I needed to keep it that way, but I couldn’t find a way to do that.
Coleton sat on the cold sand, letting the sun dip below the seawater to his right. He had accepted his fate. He didn’t want to die, but that was exactly what was going to happen. He wasn’t going to run; running from fate was unnecessary. He lay down, and enjoyed the cold sand against his tangled, dirty coat. It felt soothing in this world of chaos he was in, and he enjoyed it.
He looked up and saw the group of Changelings flying towards him. He chuckled, standing up and waiting for sweet release.
All of a sudden, from behind him, he heard a thunder-like sound and a bright green flash blinded him. He looked back to see what it was, but he only saw the silhouette of a pony figure, walking towards him. He smiled, and laid back down, closing his eyes. A green flash surrounded the two ponies, and the dark beach’s salty smell was replaced with the sanitary smell of medical equipment, and as he was rolled off of the back of his savior, his resistance to sleep finally broke, and the warm embrace of slumber surrounded him.