Chapters The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 2: A Running Race
Once Pinkie saw that me and all the other ponies were sort of pals, I was bombarded with questions, "I know WHO you are so I'll just ask WHAT you are, if you don't mind my asking and where did you come from and is it nice there cuz I might wanna vacation there but if it's somewhere far then how did you get here-" Rainbow stopped her again. I did my best to answer. "I'm a human, spelled like 'HOO-man', but yes, um... Human. I'm from Earth, which is a different planet, I'm guessing. HOW I got here I might never know." I paused. "More importantly... How I'll uh... Get back..." Pinkie looked at the ground, "Sorry to make you uncomfortable, I like to make people feel happier!" She giggled.
"Don't worry. You didn't make me uncomfortable. I just don't know how I'll get back to my own place. Or time, for that matter."
Twilight laughed and commented, "Yes, well, time-space is a very tricky thing!" Suddenly Rainbow started growing anxious. I noticed and asked, "Hey, are you okay? What's the matter?"
"Well, if I'm right, there's a storm coming in about... 5 minutes."
That confused me. "What do you mean? Do you, like, control the weather?"
"Yeah, basically." She smiled a little and Twilight offered to let us all hang out at her library for a while. Interesting... A pony owns a library. Sure... That makes sense. Noooot really. As we walked, it started to drizzle. "Come on! It'll pick up fast!" Rainbow Dash called out and we all ran for the library, but they were ponies and... well, I'm just a human! I was too far behind, and the rain was picking up. Rainbow noticed and turned around, grabbed my arm and flew towards the library.
When we finally reached the library, Rainbow dropped me, realizing what she just did. "Sorry," she said, scraping the ground with a rear hoof, "it's just... It was raining... yeah... so... We can forget about that?" I was puzzled for a moment, and got up off the ground. That's when I realized something, and thought to myself, 'Whoa! Something about her nervous body language said she liked me. Uhh... This is getting moderately awkward... I mean, as nice as she is, she's a horse. Pony, rather.' I looked at her, "All you did was pull me outta the rain," I laughed, "but whatever. My lips are sealed." I said to please her, but I suppose she thought it was more than that. This place couldn't be that different. Whatever.
We went inside and were greeted by the rest of the gang. "Well," Twilight said, "Let's just talk for a moment, shall we?" We all sat down on the floor and I was, yet again, asked a multitude of questions. Not really questions like, 'Who are you, where did you come from, etc...' because they had already been asked and answered. Instead, the one by the name of Applejack said, "So uh... Do ya have any idea how ya got here?"
"Not a one."
Pinkie bounced over, "Well, what were you doing before you go here? Making hot coco?" Then Rarity butted in. "Pinkie, that's hardly kitchen attire. Maybe he was hiking! It's camouflage, don't you see?"
"Actually, I'm a soldier." I informed them. "It's like a protector for our region. It's a very dangerous job, but... I volunteered. Also, Pinkie, I wasn't makin' coco." I laughed. "I was coming back with supplies from a building. I was running to our cargo truck, but... A building fell on me." I tried to make light of it and smile, but the ponies looked horrified. There was an awkward silence. Finally, Twilight broke it. "So... Are you dead? Invincible? I don't quite understand."
"Neither do I. If I did, you'll be the first I would tell, really, but... I'm just as clueless as you."
Twilight looked interested. "Alright... You know... I should probably notify the princess. Spike! You awake?" A small purple dragon trudged out slowly and yawned "I am now..." he said. Twilight looked worried. "Oh... Sorry, but, could you quickly take a letter?" He walked right past me without bothering to look and without a double-take, either. I stiffled a laugh at this random little fact and then he noticed me. "Whoa! What's this thing?"
"Spike! Don't be rude!" Twilight replied, angrily.
"Good morning to you too, sunshine..." I snapped to the dragon, but I laughed to let him know I was joking and he chuckled back. "Nice one... Now what did you want the letter to say, Twilight?" He reached for a jar of ink, but... it was empty. "Uh oh. This jar's empty. We're gonna need more."
"Oh shoot! We forgot to run our errands today!" she sighed, "And all the shops are closed... It's getting dark." Fluttershy spoke up for the first time since the forest scene. "Um.. I think Zecora might have some..."
"But it's raining..." Twilight replied sadly. Spike looked out the window. "Not anymore!" Applejack spoke up, "Huh. Well, would ya' lookit that. Guess it took a break."
"You might want to hurry. I don't think this opportunity window will stay open." Rainbow called from the back of the room.
Applejack looked back, "So I guess it's a runnin' race!" Then twilight turned to Rainbow, "Alright, we gotta go now, it's late and it might rain again soon so Rainbow, you stay here with Jackson. The other 5 left quickly, and I was was left alone. In a library. At night. With a pony. That was rainbow colored. That had a crush on me. My vernacular can't describe the weirdness level appropriately. This was gonna be a loooong night, I could already tell.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 3: Just Like Me
So, I'm still sitting on the floor when Rainbow walks over. "Hi!" she says in the most trying-to-be-adorable voice in the world. "Hi." I say, laying down on my back. Rainbow lays down next to me on her stomach. "Alright," I say, "spill it." Rainbow looks confused. "What do you mean?"
"You've been lookin' at me all day, or at least for the time I've been here. You probably used your weather mojo to fix up the sky for a little bit, and you acted like it was a massive deal that you helped me out of the rain." I paused for a breath. "Now, think to yourself. How much of this is true?" Rainbow stared at the ground, in self pity. "Well, I have full confidence in saying that the rain stopping had nothing to do with me! And none of the other stuff.. is true." She half-smiled, and I shot her a glare before getting up. "Well, okay then. I believe you..." I walked away.
And she followed. "Bam. Gotcha. You're following me." I crossed my arms and said with a tone of joking disapproval. She stammered a few times but managed to put out a: "But.. I.. No fair!" She stared at the ground again, and sat in a chair. I next in another, next to her. "What's wrong?" I asked, sorry I had even tampered with her knowing... of.. my knowing... I suppose that's how you would say it. "A lot." she replied with a little anger. "Many, many, many things. But.. Meh. It doesn't get to me a whole bunch. Except now, for some reason." She spoke again softly, saddened by something... whatever it was. "You probably think I'm weird or something." She sniffed.
I looked at her. She had feelings too. I was being harsh. "Wanna talk about it?" She sniffled and looked up and told me everything. It started off slow, she was kinda hesitant to talk at first, but once she realized that I was listening, she opened up just like any other book in this library. I read- rather, heard everything she had to say. We shared a few laughs, and she certainly had quite the laugh. It was like a little squeak and then a literal "Bahaha!" that eventually faded off.
In the end, she turned to me, "Well, you've heard it all. I still can't shake the feeling of sadness. Sounds cheesy and lame, right?" I shook my head, signaling a no. "Rainbow Dash, look at me. Don't be sad. Things always get better at some point in everypony's life. You gotta believe it. Plus, it just doesn't fit you to be sad."
"And how do you know that?"
"Because... Even where I'm from... Rainbows are never gray." She tackled me to the ground in a hug. "Thank you. I needed to hear that." I just laid there. That's when it hit me. She's not just a pony, a mindless racing animal. The ones that are either abused or overly-praised animals that existed on Earth. She was a real thinking, caring, understanding creature that... As weird as it is... Was just like me. I needed a friend I could count on at this point in my life. She could be this friend. I patted her on the head. "Not a problem. I just hate when others are sad. I do what I can."
"Whatever you do, you do it well." She nudged my ribs with her elbow and got up. "Thanks," I replied, "Now, I don't know about you, but I'm very tired." At first, I was just using that as an excuse to think about the day I just had calmly and to myself, but then I noticed... I was tired. I laid down and closed my eyes. I guess I was wrong. Tonight wasn't half bad... and for the first time in years... I had a friend.
As I drifted off to sleep, I felt pressure on my shoulder. "Hm?" I said to myself, yet out loud, and turned around. There, Rainbow had her arm on my shoulder. I'm speaking as a 16 year old now... That was, like, the cutest thing... Ever. I patted her arm and went back to sleep.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 4: Hate to Love
I woke up and it felt like morning. You know that feeling that you get when it's morning, and you don't want to get up, but you have to, so you do. You know you know that feeling. I had it that morning. I'm a soldier, for crying out loud! I sit bolt upright when someone sneezes. All that aside, I felt like sleeping in. I just wanted to. That's when I remembered everything that happened last night. I am SO getting up. I need to investigate. (As dumb as it sounds...) No one was home... except for Rainbow Dash. I turned around without moving much, so as not to disturb the cyan bundle of... whatever (well, I don't know how to describe her.) near my back. She had rolled over a LOT in her sleep. About 5 feet. I chuckled a little under my breath. Oh come on, that's kind of funny. I stood up and walked over to the bookshelves and found myself directly in front of the "Non-Fiction/History" section.
I looked for a moment for something that would hopefully explain things that I wanted to know when I found, "Welcome to Equestria!" It looked like it was written with a lot of sarcasm, however, upon reading; I found it gave a brief, comedic tale of history, who ruled, how they ruled, and what the proper way to use subject/number agreement was, which was exactly like English. (A common lesson in beginning Spanish/French classes.) For instance, the difference between boy and girl, girlfriend and boyfriend relate well to the two other mentioned words, how to address royalty, etc... (This is much different than Spanish. It isn't sexist, either, mind you.) As for common terminology, I was sure I'd learn. Just... Avoid using words that may differ... For instance, I already knew that "anyone" is to "anypony". I can learn.
I sat on the floor while I was reading, because I decided that I was more comfortable. I looked back at Rainbow, who was still fast asleep. Wait, nope, getting up at this point. "Goooood morning." I said, not glancing from the book.
"Huph... Mhgnn..."
"Excuse me?" I chuckled. Bed-talk. I knew it too well. Rainbow cleared her throat and said, "Hi..." I glanced up and... okay... it was too much. "Ahahahaha!" I just died, there, on the spot. Dash was taken back and retorted, "Whoa. What up with you?"
"Me?" I managed to choke out, "Looks to me like that Rainbow mane is more of a major pain!" I pointed at her mane and kept laughing, putting the book down. Rainbow felt her head and realized what I meant. She blushed a little, but laughed it off before patting it down. "I'm so gonna get revenge on you for that..." She muttered. My eyes opened and I stopped laughing. She looked so serious! "Hey! Hit the floor, not me! That's what did it to you! Don't shoot the messenger!"
"What?" She asked, with a casual eyebrow raise.
"Earth phrase. It means don't get mad at the guy who delivered the message."
"Ah. I see."
"So, I take it you were comfy last night?" Dash stopped for a second and thought. "What do you- Oh!" That's when she must've realized what I meant, because her pupils were minuscule. "Oh pony feathers! You were... awake?"
"Haha, yup! It's alright, though. Secret's safe with me..." She sighed a breath of relief. I shot her a funny look and a wicked smile, "Or is it?"
"Better be... Hey, why aren't they all home?"
"Maybe the rain picked up. Had to stay at... the place they were going."
"Zecora's."
"Yeah, that..." I trailed off and continued reading. The door to the library opened, and in came five ponies and a dragon. "Hey!" I yelled, "What held ya?"
"The rain...." Twilight said, she was seemingly very tired. "We were up kind of late at Zecora's. Do you have the time?"
"Sure." Pinkie sighed, "Way too early o' clock..." And with that, she promptly crashed on the floor a few feet from where I was sitting. One by one, the ponies laid down somewhere on the floor. For a second, Twilight thought about going upstairs to sleep in her bed. I could tell, because she started going up the steps, froze, keep going, leaned against the wall, started to fall, regained her balance, went back downstairs, used MAGIC... magic... Nobody... nopony, rather, expects the magic inquisition! Seriously, I shouldn't expect anything from these fellas. Anyway, she levitated 6 blankets out of her upstairs closet, and put them on each one of her friends. Only one thing popped into my mind, and speaking as a soldier... 'D'awww...'
This... right here is the stuff that I never found at my home or town! The generosity... It speaks for itself. I liked it here, I really did! Nevertheless, I wanted to go home. I truly did. However I felt, in my heart, that that may not happen for some time. That made me happy, but then again, thinking of home made me happy too! Conflicting emotions is a pain in the bum that you never forget, ain't it? The feeling that I would feel when going home would be amazing... But it would be a feeling that I would hate to love. I feel like an evil monster.
I hadn't noticed, being as lost in the book as I was, but Rainbow Dash was right next to me. Everything was quiet until I heard a "Boo!"
"Ack!" I half-freaked and fell over, dropping my book and losing my place in it. It was priceless. For her, at least. Dash was on the ground laughing her face off. I couldn't stay mad though. The laugh was hysterical. "Hehehahahaha! Ahahahahaha! Th-the look on your face! Heheheh... Priceless." Called it. "That was too good."
"Hey! What was that for? You're gonna wake up the others, anyway." I snapped back, still a tad miffed. Not mad... miffed. She was still chuckling when she responded. "Well, it's true... Plus, you were teasin' me not TWO minutes ago..."
"True... But still, I'm getting you back for getting me back which technically you should be mad at yourself for, because it was something you did..." I took a breath and finished, "Just expect me. Or don't. I've learned not to expect anything from you peop- erm, ponies." I regained my place in my book and wanted to keep reading. Meh, sometimes I'm a reader. "Now shoo, you pegasus, you." I poked her belly and she giggled. "Don't you dare." She said, ever so quickly. Wait a minute. "So defensive. Something wrong?" I asked, maliciously. "Nope. Not-a thing." She feigned a smile. I could see right through it though.
"Right. Okay," I said, with the funniest look on my face, "Just expect... Revenging... I shall... revenge myself? I guess that's how you would say it." I thought for a moment but resumed quickly, "I will revenge myself... You won't even see it coming! Muahaha!" And with the cheesiest laugh I could muster up, I kept reading. Even though my eyes were on the book, in my peripheral vision, I saw a worried Dash backing up into a wall, getting scared by that, and backing away slowly to the point from which she woke up. I was quite the sight, and I laughed under my breath. Leaving was becoming less mandatory. More of a decision. I kind of liked it here.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 5: Get to Know Your Enemy
Rainbow muttered something as she laid back down, to go back to sleep, I guess. "Excuse me?" I replied, inquisitively.
"Nothing. I didn't say anything."
"Might as well spill it."
"I didn't say anything!"
"Whatever..." I sighed and continued reading. I must've read for quite some time, because when I was done, I looked through a window and noticed that the sun had gone down a bit, and Rainbow was asleep. It was then that I realized, 'My supplies! What did I do with them!?' I felt around on the floor (Not sure why.) My arm touched something on my back. My backpack! Had I seriously forgotten about it this WHOLE time? Oh man, there must be somethin' in my canteen... I opened it up and found supplies. Dehydrated food, water, lined paper, markers, pencils, a camera, ammo etc... I did a double take. Markers? The urge to draw on that Rainbow one. UGH! So high. I had to resist. It would be so wrong to do, yet...
I had a revenge to fill. I uncapped the marker and twirled it in my hand, staring intently at my target. I caught the marker and held it upright; the tip facing the ceiling. "Jus' do it. Ain't nothin' wrong. I take it she pulled one a' her infamous pranks? Lil' devil, she is." Chuckled a voice from the side of the room. It was the western pony, Applejack. She woke up and saw my ever-so-demonic smile. "Oh! Applejack. I um-"
"You can call me AJ. Mah pals do. I guess you ain't a part of th' group 'til Dash here pulls a fast one on ya'."
"No kidding. Scared the lights outta me." I replied with an exaggerated tone.
"Hehe," AJ laughed, "She's done that ta everypony at some point er another. Jus' be glad it weren't no lightnin' to th' flank." I couldn't help but laugh a little myself. The prankster was getting pranked. How is that NOT funny? Pinkie then woke up and immediately knew what was up. "*gasp* Are you gonna draw on Dashie? That would be sooo funny, cuz' she does that sometimes and she's done it to everypony. Even me! So I guess what I wanna know is can I help?" It was like a rainfall of words. This 'Pinkie Pie' sure could talk. "Uhh," I opened my mouth but stopped talking for a moment, thinking. I resumed after a good 5 seconds. "Sure, you can do that."
I handed... Hoofed? Hoofed her the marker and she took it with her teeth, immediately going to work making shapes, butterflies, among other things she could think of on Dash. AJ looked at Pinkie and laughed at her eagerness, then looked back to me. "Guess she had this comin' fer a while. Don't YOU wanna get back at 'er too?"
"Yes. I do. But I might as well fight one involuntary weakness with another."
"Invulan-what now?"
"Involuntary. Means you can't control it. Think about it. No matter how brave you are, you'll be a bit startled if someone jumps out at you, or scares you."
"This is true. So what, though?"
"Can you think of any other 'involuntary' reactions?" I walked over and poked her belly. She chuckled for a second and realized what I meant. She had the same wicked smile I had when I came to the same strange realization. "Oh, no she ain't..." She said in disbelief. I looked at the bundle on short cyan fur being drawn on by a pink chatter-box and replied, "Well, she is. She would freak if she knew we knew, so keep it on the down-low."
"Well, Ah ain't the best at lying. Y'all oughta know that."
"So don't bring it up, and you won't have to lie." Then the funniest thing I've ever seen happened. Dash woke up while Pinkie was finishing on her right eye, her eyelid flicked the marker up and as it fell, drew a streak down Pinkie's nose. Despite Pinkie drawing on her, Dash laughed her face off again. Pinkie followed suit shortly after. So did me and AJ. The 'lolz' in that room were enough to wake the other 3 ponies and the purple dragon. They saw Pinkie's face and Dash's... Well, everywhere was decorated, so I guess they just saw Dash! They laughed too!
All except for the yellow one who had found me yesterday. She was just laying down, her head buried in her hooves. I walked over and crouched by her. "Something the matter?" I asked, with a caring tone, knowing she was frail. She nodded slowly. That's when I noticed she was shaking somewhat. "You sure?" I asked again, in a soft voice. She lifted her head, and rolled onto her back, in a fit of giggles. I breathed a sigh of relief and walked back over to that previously mentioned bundle and looked down. "Yo Dash. You okay there?" She continued laughing and tried to nod, but went limp and just rolled around kind of. This gave a new definition to "ROTFL". As she did this, I went around to everypony and told them what I told AJ.
When Rainbow Dash was done laughing, (Which took around 10 full minutes.) she asked Applejack what I was talking about. She got nervous and started stalling. I jumped in and said, "Oh nothing, just what had happened to make you laugh so much." Applejack, rather, AJ looked at me with a look that said, 'Thanks a ton.' "Oh..." said Rainbow and glared at Pinkie who ran, only to be chased and tackled and pinned by Dash. I kicked the marker and it rolled over to Dash, who used her tail to flip it up, grab it in her teeth and draw on Pinkie. Pinkie was giggling the whole time. It was cute, but I had a plan. I grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper out of my backpack. I quickly scribbled a note and held it out, it read, "Don't worry, you can help later" and I drew a goofy face with its tongue sticking out at the end. I sneaked around behind Dash and everyone stared, awaiting my next move. Dash caught on and looked back at the crowd. As she realized what was probably (It was) happening, she slowly turned her head. I grabbed her arms and pulled her back, holding her to the ground. "Now!" I shouted and everyone, I mean everyone, even Fluttershy, came forth and covered Rainbow in a massive bunch of pokes and tickles.
"Jackson!" Was all she could choke out before she was overcome with a bombardment of laughter. The moment itself was so sweet, it gave me diabetes. I myself laughed. It was genuine. A little evil, but genuine. Pinkie was rubbing her belly with the squiggly lines on her face that Rainbow had made, Fluttershy held one wing down, Spike had the other. AJ and Twilight held her legs down. "Priceless..." I said, mimicking her from the other night. At some point, Rarity must've been scooted out and was just watching from the back. AJ and Twilight started using the corner of their hooves to poke Rainbow's which only induced more laughter. "Stoppit! Ehehehahahahaha!" She was at tears now. She'd had enough. I calmed everypony down (God, even my sub conscience is saying it.) and looked down at the shaking, struggling, crying of laughter mess under my hands. "You wanna think twice before scaring me?"
"Ye-yes!" She calmed down after a bit, then I let her go. She got up and crawled over to a corner. Twilight spoke up. "Jackson?"
"Please," I looked at AJ, "my friends call me Jack. You're my friends, right?" Twilight gave a chuckle.
"Yes, I suppose we are! So, Jack, mind keeping an eye on Rainbow for a moment? The rest of us need to talk for just a moment and write a letter." Spike interrupted, "Yeah, with the ink that literally took ALL night to get."
"Go right ahead." I replied. I glanced at the shaking Rainbow Dash. As the other girls huddled up, I spoke quietly, "Hey, Dash... What did you say earlier this morning? Before you fell asleep?" She looked up and wiped away what was left of her tears. "I said, 'Get to know your enemy'." She smiled. "I knew you weren't one... But I was gonna be on the lookout. I guess I don't have to be. You're pretty cool. Just don't ever tickle me again..."
"No promises..." I sneered, and she made an "eep"-ish noise. Much like Fluttershy's. "Kidding." I replied. She sighed and went back to sleep.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Jackson's Journal: Entry 1
Chapter 6: Jackson's Journal: Entry 1
(This is written from the standpoint of Jackson while he is watching Rainbow, and while the others are talking.)
I guess a lot of you know me. If you're reading this. You uh... think... you know me. Oh God, no one's gonna read this. Anyway, just because I'm in the military, doesn't make me a killer. I'm not... stone cold. I don't LIKE it. I mean... The guys are nice. They treat me like family. They really do, but... Still. I just... I see people. Killed. In front of my very eyes. To think that they dislike us just because we have different beliefs. Among other reasons, but nevertheless. It hurts to see. I've seen MY men. Fall. Have their brains blown out. Have their legs blown off, and many other things. I've never killed anyone. This... this SHIT. It ain't like your Call of Duty. Your Battlefields. All those games. This is real. You don't get 100 points and... I mean, when your friend falls down, dying of a gunshot wound and you can't stop the bleeding just... I'm sorry. I need to take a writing break. I can't... continue...
Okay. I took a swig from my canteen. Lived down some memories, and I'm back with a pen and paper. How are you? God, what am I doing? You can't write back. I'm in another world. I'm in Equestria, apparently. Anyway, I haven't taken my weaponry off my back yet. That's right, heh, somehow I've managed to forget it. Considering the circumstances, that's not too hard. I pray there are no threats in this world. I mean, I am a fit individual. Don't get me wrong. I just am not strong. On the inside. That's where it counts. I want to try to stay manly through the writing of this paper, but if an animal of some sort tries to hurt me, I don't know if I could kill it. I'm a city teen. Born and raised in the great city of New York. So, I have confidence, but if something wants to kill me and I can't run, what will I do? Enough about killing. Let me tell you what is happening. Right now, as I speak- rather, write... I am sitting on a wooden floor inside of a tree, which is also a library. Which is also a house. For a pony. A pony that talks. They think, perform complex tasks, and have a ruler! Her name is princess Celestia. The pony that lives in this library is named Twilight Sparkle. Her friends are here too. Their names are Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy. Right now, 5 of those 6 are currently writing a letter to the previously mentioned princess. Right now, I am looking at a ticklish little cyan ball of fur who I'm almost positive has a crush on me sleeping on the floor in front of me. I've yet to to find out WHY she likes me. I guess I've still got it. I'm laughing at my previous comment right now. I amuse myself to no end sometimes. Well, I've said it once and I'll say it again. This is amazingly cute. You know, It's funny. At first, I just wanted to go back, but these ponies took me in, not knowing what I was or who I was. They gave me someplace to spend the night. I've made friends. That generosity isn't prevalent on Earth at ALL. Right now, when I think about it, I was saved from a falling building by whatever force. Some mythical force. I thank it to no end. I... am not entirely sure I want to go now. Well I guess the idea of a journal has grown on me. I suppose I will update this little log of mine after every major event. This one here is to start off. Here's to my... well... Possible new life on "Equestria". Right now... I'm finally happy. Jackson signing out.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 7: Meeting the WHAT NOW!?
"Jack!" Twilight called from the other end of the library, "Come here please!". I got up and made my way to the five ponies huddling over a piece of parchment. "Read it, and tell me what you think." Twilight said with a look that screamed, 'I'm overly eager!' I picked up the piece of parchment and read out loud: "Dear Princess Celestia, yesterday in the late afternoon, Fluttershy came to my house to warn me of a creature that nopony had ever seen." I looked over and gave a nod of approval so far, but then continued reading, "I gathered the girls and we went back to the area of the incident. There we saw a creature very different from what I assumed I would see. It had four limbs, both bendable. It had two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. It sat up and looked around in confusion. Rainbow did the deed of enabling communication. To my astonishment, it could speak! After taking it to the library for interrogation," I leaned over to Twilight. "Oh I see, this is all for interrogation..." She looked and mumbled, "Not entirely..."
"Excuse me?"
"I said not entirely. Curiosity took part, no doubt. You were new! Something nopony had ever seen!"
"Seems legit." I smirked, and kept reading. The rest of the letter tells Twilight's observations and all the questions I answered. Along with the answers. It told mostly everything up until this her going out in the eye of the storm or whatever. Everything else was uneventful. They were stuck at... Zecora's, was it? Let's go with that. Then my "Revengence". Yeah. I think I'll call it that. Wait. At the end, she wrote, "Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle" My jaw dropped. "You're a student to a princess!?"
"Heh. Yeah, nothing big really." She scratched the back of her head with a floating quill. "Nothing? In my world, that would be major!"
"It is here, too. I, as well as the others, have gotten used to it."
"Huh. Interesting." Anyway that was all. I told Twilight that everything was good and she magically rolled up the parchment and floated it over to Spike. He grabbed it and- LIT IT ON FIRE. Wat. Seriously? All part of the plan? Was that just a rough draft? "Whoa, buddy. Keep the flames to a minimum..." Twilight realized I wasn't familiar with this method of written transportation. "It's fine, Jack. Those flames port the letter to the princess. He basically burps up the response." She giggled at the last part, having said burp. It was a wacky way of putting it, for sure.
Soon enough, Spike appeared to have quite the case of indigestion. "Hey pal. Feelin' alright?"
"Yeah. This is almost normal. Almost. This one might be long. Or more than one. Sometimes that'll clog me up."
"Interesting." And as I spoke, Spike burped up a scroll that was flown to Twilight. She read to herself and looked satisfied after around two or so minutes. "Uh," I spoke up, "Can I get the gist?"
"Sure you can handle it?" Twilight asked. I took an M4 off my back and stomped the stock on the ground, saluting her with a reply. "Very ready."
"You're meeting the princess."
"Meeting the WHAT NOW!?
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 8: My oh... my.
'Okay, okay... Calm down, Jackson.' I thought to myself, 'You can handle this. Ain't no thing... But a chicken wing. No. No chicken. These guys would flip.' Heh. Okay, I was kinda freaking out. I was meeting a princess of the talking ponies. Well, on the bright side, I was now friends with her personal student. This could go really well or really bad. I had calmed down when a curious Pinkie started waltzing around my M4. "Whoawhoawhoa, Pinkie, what ou-" BANG! A shot fired off and went through the roof, scaring the daylight out of everyone in the room but me, but woke up Rainbow Dash who ran over to see what happened. It was hysterical! They all froze and plopped sideways like fainting goats! I calmly turned the gun on safety, set it down, laid myself down, and laughed just about as hard as ever. Rainbow joined in, and there it was. The "Bahaha" all over. I didn't know where she was, until I turned around. She was, like, right in my face. "Aah!" I yelled and crawled back. "Why do you always do that!?" This only cause her to laugh a TON more. "Ehehe- You- I was trying to- Hahahahaha..."
"But you scared me again. We aren't even anymore."
"Oh Celestia." She almost whispered and bolted out the door. "Well," I said, looking satisfied. Much like the way Twilight did just a moment ago. "That takes care of her for a while... You guys okay?" AJ shook her head quickly, as if snapping out of a trance, Pinkie sprang up, Twilight wobbled to her hooves, Rarity massaged her ears and Fluttershy was still on the ground. Oh shit. "Fluttershy?" I said quietly, yet audibly enough, "Can you hear me?" She was shaking. Jeez. Must've really scared her. "You okay there?" Everyone was looking at her now, and I got down on the ground and tried to look at her. She turned away, but I heard she was kind of... crying. Oh dear. This will not be easy. I can't say it won't hurt her because... Quite frankly, it could. I started to pet her head and she calmed down. "Hey," I said, veeery quietly, "it's fine. You don't have to be so scared. It kinda freaked me out too, if it helps. heh..." My chuckle trailed off as she lifted her head and brushed away tears. Then she looked at me. "Sorry. I just... Get spooked easily."
"You don't have to be sorry. There's nothing wrong with it." She looked all better, for the most part. I never did think she would actually be open and brave about things, anyway, though. She didn't seem the type. I stood and helped her up. It was now that AJ asked "What in tarnation that thing was." I told them that it was called a "gun" and it was only one form of a "gun". These "gun"s shot little pointed metal pellets called "bullets". They broke skin and caused internal as well as external damage. This was a war weapon built for murder. The girls were shocked, as expected. I told them that "Nopony is to touch this thing. I don't want any of you getting hurt. Understand?" They all nodded. I held it up and showed them where things were and what they were for such as the stock being used for propping up with your shoulder, the barrel aims the bullet, etc...
There was a knock on the door. It wasn't as lightweight as normal hooves would sound. It was thick. Indicating a larger source. The princess. How did I look? Why did I care? BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING PRINCESS! I sighed and got ready. The door opened and my oh... my.
Before the door opened, the only thought in my mind was, 'Hide. Hide now.'. But now... Good God. I'm not implying what you're probably thinking. That would be... beyond weird. I'm implying that her very aura is something to behold. I can't describe it. Literally. If my vernacular were at such a high level that I knew every word in the English language... I could possibly begin to describe it. On top of everything, she was nearly my height. Oh lawdy. She slowly walked in, cautious of me. I thought she would pull a Pinkie. Oh, by that I mean, 'Caaaan yoooouuu taaa-' You get it. She spoke directly, from about two feet away, getting a good look at me. "Hello. I hear my little ponies have found you in the forest. Where are you from?" Her voice was as smooth as skim milk. After reading that she was over one thousand years old, I would expect otherwise and- Wait, hey, isn't that, like, a T.V. show? My Little Pony? From the 80's? I think they've even made another version that, hehe, guys like. I shall never know why. Come to think of it, this is insanely cartoon-y. I haven't paid it a piece of mind because for all I know, I could be dead! This is way too good too be real, anyway. "Yes, it was originally Fluttershy. Then Rainbow Dash helped with a rock I had stuck in my throat, then Twilight provided this house... Slash... Library. And uh... No offense, but I don't think you would know where I come from. It's... probably far away. Seeing as we've never seen you." All the girls looked interested at that last part.
"Never seen us? Whatever do you mean?"
"Oh. We have other humans that study what's called astronomy. We look at other planets. We can see... pretty far away if I do say so myself." Twilight spoke up. "We have astronomy too. However, we've only noticed one other planet. It's very nearby, however and quite hard to miss."
(Authors note: According to a study paper I've recently received, the technical term for astronomy is: "The science of observing celestial bodies." Also, celestial means heavenly. My friend walked up and said, "Well, that body certainly IS heavenly." I rofl'd ALL OVER my copter. Note to self, major in astronomy when older. If ya know what I mean. )
"In our solar system, we have eight planets. Actually, more. However the others are so small that we don't count them. We call those ones 'dwarves'. Also, what I mean by, 'We didn't see you' is, like I said, we can see extremely far. We haven't seen your planet. As for your second question, I come from a place called Earth."
"Intriguing." We all sat in a circle much like the one we sat in last night. All the girls knew everything I said, but the princess seemed new to it. She was asking all the same questions that were included in Twilight's letter, so wouldn't she already know? Then some different ones. "How old are you, if it isn't too personal?"
"I turned 16 about... three months ago. If I read correctly, you've been ruling for around a thousand years. To me, though, you look so young." She looked like she almost blushed at my comment. Did I just accomplish that? If you told me, 2 days ago, in my hole-in-the-ground bunker that I would get on the good side of a magical alicorn princess while sitting a louse, -A library house, yes.- I would call you crazy. Hell, if I dreamed it, I woulda' called MYSELF crazy. Now, here she is. Here I am. In the words of her, 'Intriguing.' She replied with a smile, "Well, yes, immortality does have its perks. Hmhmhm..." I guess she doesn't get to hear this a bunch. Poor thing. All the others were staring in shock. I broke the moderately new silence by talking to the gazing group, "What, never seen a other-worldly being sweet talk a princess? Neither have I, honestly..." This didn't help. The princess laughed, but the others just... basically, the only way to have anyone's jaw drop lower would be to dislocate it. The princess looked at me with an, 'Oh, you...' look and said, "Well, it was fun meeting you. I just hope you can get my little ponies out of shock." There it was again. Jesus Christ, if I'm on some cartoon after dying... this... would explain why dudes like it. I'm liking this situation myself. "Wait they're ALL your students!?" I looked at Twilight. "Somepony's got some a-splainin' to dooo...." She snapped out of... whatever she was in, and giggled at the comment. So did Celestia. The whole damn time I was back to thinking what I was when I wrote my journal entry. 'Guess I still got it.'
Speaking of that... I look over and find Rainbow opening my journal and starting to read. WHERE DID SHE COME FROM!? Did I not hear her come in? Did she not knock? "Excuse me for just a second, please." I politely and calmly said before BOLTING over to Dash and snatching the near-empty booklet from her hooves. "No. Bad Dashie."
"Hey, Pinkie calls me that."
"Yeah, she said it a while back. I thought I would too. I need to get a lock for this thing." I retorted with a playful sneer. "My revengence won't be easy on you. Muahahaha!" I said, cackling the same evil laugh as before, as I walked back to the circle of ponies staring. Even the princess was staring. I felt the need to explain. "Oh, she spooked me badly a little while ago, so I got revenge. When you mix revenge with vengeance, you get, 'Revengence'. She did it again an even SHORTER while ago and so we weren't even. On top of that, she was going through my journal." I flashed a smile to show that I wasn't at all angry, however, Celestia looked just a tad miffed. From her sharp and stabby horn, to her hooves, I would NOT want to get on her magical bad side. "Rainbow, is this true?" Rainbow ducked and mumbled. I stepped in, "Oh don't get mad. I'm not. She was just messing around."
"Well, alright. Though I must ask. What was your, 'Revengence'?" Rainbow perked up her head and quickly shook it left to right, as if to say, 'Nononononono!' Too bad, snoopy little horse! I leaned over to Celestia and performed the same routine. Well, think about it this way. Being jump-scared... It's involuntary. No matter how tough you are, if something jumps out at you, you get startled."
"Well, yes, I suppose." Rainbow ran over, probably for means of intimidation. She was at around eye level when I was sitting. She was staring at me now, from the side. I finally got around to talking again and said, "Can you think of any other involuntary reactions?" I reached over and poked Rainbow's belly. She giggled, and held her stomach. The princess laughed a bit herself, and looked over to Rainbow. "Miss Dash. I had no idea. The toughest pony in Equestria a bit ticklish, eh?"
"Hey, I don't want anypony to know."
"I doubt your friends would tell a soul." I nodded, as did everyone- ...everypony... else. The princess turned to me again, "Well, as I said, it was great meeting up with you, but I really must be going. Would you follow me to the door?"
"Of course." I naturally responded. I would've cleaned her attic without missing a heartbeat, because, heh, I don't think you understand... SHE. IS. A. PRINCESS. I, and I alone followed her to the door, but before I could get a chance to open it, she did it with magic. "Oh, I would've done that, princess."
"Please. Call me Celestia."
"Are you sure?"
"Definitely."
"Okay... Celestia. Then what was the reason that you called me over, if I may ask?"
"Well, just to say that... Equestria needs more ponies... rather... People like you." How the hell did she know that? "How did you know that's.. what we say?"
"Stalling by asking simple questions to read your mind. I apologize. I just had to know things about you. Funny thing is, now I know about the... well... 'relationship' between Rainbow Dash and you." My jaw fell. Wut. I was hardly worried about this, seeing as I knew that I didn't like her 'like that', only so for poor ol' Rainbow. "Don't worry about Rainbow." she said.
"You and your mind reading. Promise me you'll stop soon."
"I promise." I just got a princess... to promise me something. Mindfreak. "Also," she said, "Have a good revengence. And yeah, you've still got it." With that and a smirk... she left. My oh... my.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Are You Trying to Seduce Me, Ms. Dash?
Chapter 10: Are You Trying to Seduce Me, Ms. Dash?
I'm in awe. I went over to my spot on the floor, sat down, and wrote what immediately came to mind. I put the book down, got up, crouched down again, picked up the book, and walked over to Twilight with the book. "Hey," I said to a still shocked pony, "can I get a lock for this?" She snapped herself out of her trance and glanced at me. "Rainbow was a-peekin'?"
"You don't even have to ask anymore. Do YOU read minds, too?" She giggled at that. "No, I don't. Funny thought, though. Why? Oh no... Did she read your mind?"
"Why are you so worried?" I was getting worried myself. "Well," she began, "let's just say there were some thing that I'm not proud of in this noggin." Not sure if I wanted to know, I simply nodded and gestured my book towards her, she levitated it out of my hands and opened it, as if going to read. "Hey! Don't make me tickle you, too!"
"Eep!" She emitted a little noise and closed it, placing a lock on it, with the key floating above my hand. I grabbed the key and thanked her, walking back to my little corner to find a small cyan pony. "Well, hiya!" I said.
"Hi!" She replied enthusiastically. I laid down. "Something wrong?" She said, seemingly very worried for my well-being. I sighed out a reply, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired." She laid down next to me and started scooting closer every few seconds. "Hey Rainbow, I've been meaning to ask... How old are you?"
"Been fifteen for four months." She replied with a smile. She was always so confident. I liked it. Not like that... Creepo. "Well," I started, "You know me already, I'm 16..." I heard a reeeeaaallly quiet voice come from close by, but was hard to hear. "Close enough for it to work." You know my reaction. "Excuse me!?" I asked, a tad taken back. "Did you just say..."
"No! I said nothing."
"Then why so nervous?"
"No reason."
"Right." I could so tell she was lying. I was laying there on my stomach, and she was doing the same thing. She started clearing her throat like, "Ahem, mutha f*cka! Cuddle wit' me!" Instead, I just held up my arm and started patting all near her face. "Uhh... What are you doing?"She asked, and with good reason.
"Looking for the snooze button." This choked a laugh out of her, and she complied to a meaningful silence. Meanwhile, rather than beep or honk or CLEAR HER THROAT, Ms. Dash was probably thinking all, 'Let's roll around and mess with the human!' So she did just that. Every 5 seconds, she moved around. I felt around this time, going down her back and pressing on her wings and in between them. This... got her to stop. I heard what was like a purring sound, and turned around to find that her wings were like, insanely sensitive. That was my conclusion. I began scratching the tops without even looking as I tried to sleep. She giggled and stiffled a laugh. "Wait, wha?" I shook myself awake. "Your wings... are they?" I had SUCH an evil look... SUCH AN EVIL LOOK. She was red and hot. Not that kind of hot, she was just blu- oh forget it. I kept scratching near where the base of the wing meet the back and she melted... I mean, like, let all her troubles go 'bwweeeeh'. You've no doubt done it before. It's easy. it's basically pure bliss. Apparently, you can do this with a pegasus in 10 seconds. She let the occasional "Ehehehe..." and "Hahaha..." so I asked. "What, oh I'm sorry, does this, like, tickle?" I was half-asleep. "Yeah," she said, "but honestly, it feels nice." So, meh, I laid there and scratched Rainbow's wings for God knows how long until I passed out. If you haven't kept track, it's later at this point. 9-ish. That's late for a concerned Jack. I'm the concerned Jack. I wondered how things would work out when I went home. I was pretty wanted here, unlike Earth. I have no idea what Twilight and the others did all for the rest of the night, but when I woke up, I had a blanket on me, and it was the middle of the night. Guess who refused to get up from under my arm? Rainbow Dash and her ticklish wing. What is this madness? I'm... Not sad. Not deep down, not thoroughly upset in any way, I could give two shits less about Lisa, my old girlfriend. My mom was never really a mom, and my dad only liked me because I was good in sports and he was a fat-ass. I was sure I'd have time to indulge in self-pity in the morning, and I would have extra time left over to hate myself, but I couldn't care less right now. "I'm gonna hate myself for this..." I muttered and brought the sleeping mare into a hug for a decent half a minute. When I let go, I rolled onto my back and heard a faint, "Eee!" I quickly turned. Fuck. She was up. "How long have you been up?" I asked.
"Don't you dare hate yourself." She was calm, and sounded like... Honestly, like she was trying to... como se dice... seduce me. "Oh God, Dash, what is with that voice? You sound so... modern human-y. All they want is se-... Nevermind."
"Complete that sentence, you ya'?"
"Hell no. You're waaaay too young."
"A year younger than you. That isn't that young."
"And you aren't getting any younger, so live every moment while you can."
"I guess you're right..." Wait. It worked! She completely forgot! Oh God, this pony... So easy to cheat. "Wait a minute!" She called out, while being quiet. Then I remembered there were others here. Good thing I was quiet before. "You never answered me! ...Ugh, must be asleep." I played it out, and pretended to be asleep. She quickly took advantage and hugged me. I swear, I don't care if I like her like that or not, she will always come off as "cute". I went right back to scratching the top of her wing. "Hahaha-*sniff* He does it in his sleep." Her voice itself at that moment gave me a glucose imbalance. It was too good to be true... I was...
Loved.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
That's a Really Nice Dragon
Chapter 11: That's a Really Nice Dragon
I trembled in silence as one hand held my mouth as my other hand gently stroked Rainbow's mane... One year... It had been one year since the accident. My sister. I used to have a sister. I was riding shotgun and a truck... ran a red light. Into the back of our sedan. My sister was gone. The car tore in half. The last thing I did before we left... was brush her hair... I was now crying silently into the night, remembering standing up and carrying my sister out of the wreckage. She died in the hospital but managed to choke out, "It's okay, bubby... God won't let me die." I lost it. I couldn't hold it back. I was sobbing into the floor now. That's why I'm an atheist... So before you point and laugh, just remember. It isn't funny when I soldier cries.
I woke no one. None of them heard me. Rainbow had fallen asleep. Twilight was asleep too. Her assistant, however, wasn't. I hadn't woken him because he was already awake. He saw the whole thing. I had no idea until I went outside to go for a walk. It looked to be about 1am. I walked down the road, straight out. No ponies were out at this time. This time era hadn't quite induced any reason to WANT to stay up or out late. I finally wanted to stop and I laid down. It was cold out. It was like the day of the funeral. No wind. No noise. No movement. That is, of course, true except for the unnoticed pitter-patter of dragon feet coming down the cobblestone road. "Hey..." he said, quietly. I jolted up and turned to see him. He was just standing. Staring at me. "What uh... What happened? Back there..." I opened up. For the first time in my life... I told someone how I really felt about these kinds of things. Then I finished on a particularly awkward question. "Have ponies ever... EVER liked anyone in... that certain way... outside their species?" I got a nod from the dragon. "Hmph..." I huffed, "so it's normal for her..."
"Wait, what!?"
"Oops... I guess you were all in shock.. never really... explained... did I?"
"Never. But I think I know. I saw... back in the library..."
"It's not like that... you see, earlier, I made a joke about sleep with rainbow, I wound up finding that her wings were sensitive. So I fell asleep like that. Scratching a wing. Then... she was still there when I woke up, and I guess I had a dream about my sister... which brings us back to my story." I lied about the dreaming part. I was fully in a right state of mind, and I was having a hard time being mad at myself over what I had done. Spike bought it, and that's all the mattered to me for the time being. Or at least the rest of the night. When night was almost ready to be extinguished by the sun, I decided to go home, but when Spike didn't follow, I used the same silly technique as I did on Twilight. A tickle threaten. "Come on!"
"Ugh... No, I'm too tired!"
I'm tired too! C'mon! Don't make me tickle you!
"Inch thick skin... Try me." I crouched down and patted his shoulder, arm, and back. "Right, right... seems legit. But if you eat a lot, you can't have a padded belly, or you'll explode." I poked his belly. He laughed and laid down. "I'm not getting up!" Ugh... I'm getting bad at this persuasion thing. Come on! "Please? Twilight would miss you?"
"Nope!" That's it. I rolled him over, and scratched his belly. That got him to comply. "Ahahaha! Okay! Fine!" We walked back to the library as the moon started to fade away. I hopped into my makeshift sleeping bag right next to a certain Rainbow Dash that hugged the cloth like it was her lifeline. Not sure if that's a good thing. Oh well, I laid down, after getting her to move her hooves a little bit without waking her. As I was drifting off to sleep, Rainbow's sub-conscience took note of me being close and she hugged me in her sleep. That sight was enough to cause a "D'aaaaawwww..." from across the room. Twilight woke up. I didn't care. My last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were, "That's a really nice dragon."
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 12: Tasty
Well, the morning was relatively normal... If you call waking up with a cyan pony cuddling your arm normal then... Well, normal! I pulled my arm out of hers and sighed. What did I do to deserve this? Not that I'm against it, I'm just... I don't know many people or ponies who are pro-interspecies relationship.Dash woke up and realized why I pull my arm back. immediately, she blushed through her coat and looked up at the ceiling. I hesitantly patted her head. "Uh..." I started, unsure of what to say, "It's alright. I not mad or anything, I just need to regain feeling in my left arm." This caused her to giggle a bit. As I dragged my pupils to attempt to look at the ceiling, I looked past a window. I stopped and looked back to the window. Holy stuff. It looked like it was around 2pm! "Whoa!" I yelled and shot up, causing dash to roll off. Ha, I guess she was on my blanket. Back to the point. "What time is it?" I asked.
"Around 3pm." A voice answered from a desk. It was Twilight. Oh right.. She woke up when I went to bed. "Enjoy your sleep, Jack?"
"Uh... Yeah. I guess. Any reason you ask?"
"Oh, not really." She gestured to Rainbow when she wasn't looking. "Oh... Okay." Rainbow bolted up and yelled, "Oh man! There is a storm today at 3! They needed my help! I gotta go! Seeya Twi'!" She ran for the door but stopped at the last second. "Bye Jack." With that and a wink, she flew off. Twilight walked over to me with a wry smile on the side of her face and spoke with a hint of sadism, "Ooh, saucy. Might need to hold that against you for a bit." She giggled at that last part. I simply shot a look that said, 'You don't have the guts.'. Something tells me that she was all bark and no bite. "Kidding, I won't," she finally got around to a reply, "but I am looking for a way to get you back home. I'll need to research some more today, and that's what I AM doing. Say, are you hungry? What do humans eat?"
"Well we... um..." I started, unsure of a probable reaction.
"Yes?"
"We're kind of... omnivores. So we eh... we can and do indeed generally... eat meat." Twilight's jaw might need to be glued into place. I swear, I can't just SAY something and have it be normal! Oh well, c'est la vie. "Don't panic. Pleeeeaase don't panic." I was speaking in a low tone that, regardless of the hype of the moment, almost came across as an ear-shattering monotone, "You asked, I answered. We humans can easily change our diets. I mean... it's not like we eat ponies or anythin-"
"Jackson! ... I get it. No need for detail."
"Okay... You just seemed disgusted."
"Maybe a little... but... what meats do you eat?"
"Fish, which is not really meat, but almost classifies."
"Okay."
"Chicken." Twilight shuddered.
"Continue."
"Pigs." She shuddered again. A little heavier this time.
"Okay..."
"And cow." She fainted. Straight up... faint. I caught her and carried her upstairs across my shoulder. I set her down in her bed and went downstairs. I rummaged around in my bag to get out a packet of dehydrated food. I pour a tidbit of water in the pouch and set it on a windowsill. After a while, and picked it up and slid it out. Meatloaf. How ironic. "Tasty..." I muttered under my breath, sarcastically. I ate slowly, hesitant to bite the morsels off my fork. I looked upstairs and just stared at the wall. Somehow, my talk with Twilight told me that this was wrong. For some reason... I had a yearning for apples. As I finished my meal, Twilight was waking up. "Hi, sleepy. How did you sleep?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Figured it was my turn to ask." And with that, I smiled, to let Twilight know that I was just messing with her. "Say, do you by any chance have a trash bin to dispose of this in?"
"Yeah.. Right over there... In the kitchen... Do I wanna know what you just ate?"
"Judging by your previous reaction... I'm gonna go with a 'no'."
"Ugh." She scowled. I was sad for the first time here. I was only being human... But that was the problem.
"Hey. C'mere for a second, would ya?" She reluctantly trotted over. I sat down next to her and said, "How does being a vegetarian sound?"
"Oh, thank Celestia." She leaned into my side and we talked for a little bit about foods and human history with it. Which somehow lead to greek gods which lead to religion. "Oh, so THAT'S why you put his name in the place of the princess'."
"You catch on fast." I patted her on the head, and stood up, walking over to throw out my trash. She smiled but jumped as if startled. "Oops! Back to research."
"Pace yourself. I'm in no hurry to go home." I crouched and scratched behind her ear. She closed her eyes and pressed against my palm before walking to the kitchen and coming out with an apple with a content voice, "Definitely different than a hoof." I smiled. These ponies, man. They get to ya'. She took a bite of the apple and trotted back to her desk. "Mmm," she relished in the flavor, "Tasty."
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 13: You're Welcome
This is a nice place, ya' know that? I was really into relaxing without a guy barkin' orders. Twilight didn't seem to be all into studying, and I finally managed to relax. "Ha ha!" Whawuzzat? Oh, just Twilight. "What's up, Twi'?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure that I found out how to get you back! Ready whenever you are."
"Uh, Twilight?"
"Yeah?"
"I... don't really want to leave. This place is so nice. Nicer than Earth. Think about it. In two count 'em two days, I've friends with the princess, met her most prized student, and also, think about it, ponies don't talk where I'm from. So I-"
"What!? That's terrible! What happened to them?"
"Uhh... Nothing. It's been that way. Such is nature."
"Ugh," She scowled, "Nature. It's just not... natural."
"Ahahahahaha! You- Haha- You have no idea how funny that is to me! Hahahaha!"
"Uh, what makes it so funny?"
"Look, I don't know about your language, but in my language, English, the word 'natural' itself is derived from the word, 'nature'! Maybe for you, natural just means, 'normal', and maybe nature is just, 'a non-natural occurrence' but where I am from, nature is... well, quite frankly, normal. So I guess I'm just laughing at the irony in your sentence."
"Hehe, I guess that's pretty funny. But anyway what were you saying about ponies from your world?"
"Well, they aren't sapient, that's for sure. We have what's called the theory of evolution. Basically, it says that, given time, a species will adapt to its environment. Other scientist humans have been thinking that we came from primates. Ya' know, apes and such. Well, technically, we come from micro-bacteria. Funny, really. To think that over millions of years, a little bit of oceanic bacteria could form a being such as me? I'm rambling, aren't I? Oh well, that point I was trying to make was that I believe that our equine animals are simply primitive. They haven't evolved yet. So... long story short, that's why ours don't talk. I'm quite surprised that I'm not marveling at you right now, I don't know how I would cope with the situation normally but... meh. Now, what I find even funnier is that a lot of humans think that we are the only sapient life in the universe, but obviously... no. Just thinking about what I've seen here is enough to make a believer like someone erm... somepony that I just described faint. However, never send one of your own back with me, okay? The government goes crazy when faced with something that they don't know. They might... experiment on you..." Twilight just looked at me, unsure of what to say. "What did I do? Something I said, wasn't it?"
"Uh... Uh pheh..."
"No no, it's cool. I don't like finished sentences anyw-." Twilight giggled at this, hey look, I'm just glad I didn't kill her with my rant. Whatever kind of funk she was in, she snapped herself out of. "Say, Jack, you mentioned 'government'. What's that?"
"Government. G-O-V-E-R-N-M-E-N-T. Basically, a group of people that manage the country. There's more than one so that not just one person rules everything and so that there's no tyranny. I would suggest it here, honestly, but the fact your flippin' princess flirted with me sends a signal that everything is a-okay to go on as-is." Twilight shuddered, "Don't remind me."
"Excuse me? Ahem, I'm right here!" Twilight started laughing at my reaction. She put a hoof up to her mouth to silence herself. Augh! Confound these ponies, they drive me to insanity. "My god! You guys are so cute!" I fell onto my back, and laughed a little myself. Twilight trotted over and laid down next to me. "Twilight?"
"Yes?"
"How do you think everypony would react if I went out into town?"
"Well, there are two possibilities. One: They would all see that I was right by you and they would nervously ask who you were, or..."
"Or?"
"They would go bonkers and run around in circles. Why do you ask?"
"Well, now I just wanna go into town to have the latter happen."
"Hahaha... Yeah, that would be quite the sight." She scooted closer to me. I was... feeling... well, awkward. But with good reason! *sigh* the moment was awkward, kay!? "Uh... Riiiight. Um... Do you have a time that would be best? To go into town...?" I scooted away. She immediately caught on and picked herself up. "Oh my. I'm so sorry. I didn't-"
"Relax. It's okay. It was just... weird. Since my ponies aren't sapient where I'm from, it's kinda weird to have one... getting comfortable... around you." I flashed my best, 'You know what I mean...' face and got up, looking out the window. It had started to rain, and a very wet Rainbow Dash burst through the door, hitting me, sending me tumbling across the room. "Oh my Celestia! Jack! I'm so sorry!" Dash said while still sprawled on my chest.
"But you're still on me! My ribs can only withstand so much pressure, ya' know, before I start to not breathe."
"Sorry!" She yelped, and rolled off. She was on her back and her wings were laid flat out on the ground, but when she got up, they were still extended. Twilight was a deep red as she looked away, yet spoke to Rainbow, "Uh, Dash?"
"Yeah, Twi'?"
"Goin' somewhere?"
"Ack!" She promptly folded her wings with haste, but a little trouble. As if they were stiff. "Uh... What was that?" I asked, unsure of how to react to the situation at hand. "N-Nothing!" Rainbow responded quickly. A little too quickly. Hold on one cock-blockin' second. Crashing into me. Laying on me. Extended wings. "Hahahaha! That is too good!" Rainbow was an extremely deep red when I continued, "Haha, what is that even called!? Like uh,- a wingboner? Ahaha!" I fell onto the ground laughing, Rainbow looked away with near-misty eyes. I gathered myself quickly and walked over to her with comforting words. "It's okay, I won't judge." She looked relieved as I saw the little water in her eyes disappear. "I wasn't laughing at you... But it's good to know you find me handsome." A wry smile was evident on my face. I am too sadistic. She stared at me with narrowed pupils and I reacted the only way I could. I laughed my face off. Again. All was in good fun until I noticed that she wasn't moving. "Oh good God. Whaaaaat did I do?" I tapped her on the head, nothing. Talked, "Hello?" Nothing. Yelled in her ear, "Helllooooo!" Nothing. C'mon, Think! Twilight walked over, red with laughter, and whispered in my ear something extremely wacky. I tried to push Rainbow over, and like a block of marble she stood solid. Frozen in her tracks. Hah! This place is awesome!
Then came another idea... "Heheh... I might be able to get my revengence after all." Rainbow snapped back to reality. I guess she feared that a whole lot worse than extreme embarrassment. She scuttled across the room, and into a corner. "Not again! Please!"
"Haha, it's fine. I was kidding. I just wanted to see if that worked. Guess it did." Then I noticed, in her eyes, what could only be a look of determination. It seemed to suit her persona in general so I waited for a sly remark... and holy hot diggity damn did I get one. Now, when I say hot, I'm saying it for the alliteration... So yeah... She trots over and as she passes she says...
"So with that in mind... thanks for scratchin' my wings the other night."
ATTENTION: EXCESSIVE SWEARING ALERT
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Are you fucking kidding me? Holy shit! What in the- how in the FUCK? Augh! Oh my God! Son of a bitch! No- wait- DAUGHTER OF A BITCH! FFFFFFF-....
ATTENTION: EXCESSIVE SWEARING OVER
Time to beat her at her own game...
"You're welcome."
...
...
...
...
I ran for my fucking life out into the rain.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 14: Just Like Old Times
Boot Camp, I love you so damn much. I suppose you can't say you've been trained hard-core in the rain and mud much, huh? Well, I have! Makes for a decent run! This girl, erm, mare, I tell ya'! "Never gonna catch me, Dashie!" I called out and looked back. She was gone. "Oh yeah?" I heard from right in front of me. "Cra- *thud*" She smacked me sideways and we landed in a patch of grass. I laid there and pretended to be knocked out, waiting for the best moment. She called out and ran over, "Oh my Celestia! I just can't stop hurting you! You okay?"
"..."
"Crud." She got next to me and leaned forward to prop my head up, she looked like she was inspecting me for a concussion. I suddenly opened my eyes and she fell onto her back in shock. "Aah! Jackson! What the hay, dude?"
"Well, that's only the first half."
"Of what?"
"My revengence. You shall see..."
"Eek! Hehe, Stop scaring me like that!"
"Says the pony who scared me."
"Haha, stop making me laugh! I'm trying to be mad at you!"
"Fine... fine..." I got up and slowly walked back to the library. She quickly went after me. "Where ya' goin'?
"Gee, I dunno. Figured I'd randomly jump into space, how about you?" She laughed at this, and augh! Why is pony laughter so damn cute!? "Finally!" She yelled out, "Somepony with a sense of sarcasm!" She walked up next to me and leaned against me. I put my hand down and pet her... I guess. You don't really pet anything but a cat or a dog. So I guess saying that is extremely weird. Oh well. She squealed with joy so... I guess I made her happy. Okay, I can live with this. She looked at me, angry. "Hey! I said I wanted to be mad at you! Grr!"
"Ah. Help. She is sooo scary. She growled." I said with such a monotone.
"Haha- Dangit Jack! Stoppit!"
"Oh, stop it you. You know laughing is a good thing."
"Yeah. I guess..."
"So I can do this?" I reached down from petting her head, and scratched under her arm, causing it to buckle and her to fall. "Hahaha-" She clasped her mouth shut and calmed down for a split second. "I'm gonna get you back for that!" I ran again, right into the library. All Twilight heard was, "aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Open. Run in. Close in Rainbow's FACE *thud* .... Oooooops. I slowly opened the door to find a moderately broken Rainbow Dash at the step. "Damnit..." I cursed myself under my breath for allowing this to happen. "Twilight, can we get some help. Just a bit?"
"Sure, Jackson, what seems to be the prob- Oh yeah, that happens all the time." Incredible! She didn't seem the least bit phased by this! I picked up Rainbow in a cradling fashion. Something that would embarrass me to no end if she woke up. I walked over to Twilight, who was a little red from the sight, "Where should I put 'er?"
"Heheh, right there."
"Okay." I plopped her down right by the blankets. But riiiiiight as I was putting her down. Yep. You guessed it. She woke right up. "Jack? Hehe, I'm so holding this against you."
"Hey, I'm emotionally unstable as-is. I don't need this too. And the proper way to say it is, 'Thank you.'." I laid down and scratched her side. "Hehehehe- Stop." She pushed my hand away, "I'm still mad."
"I'm trying to make you not be. You're pretty cool in my opinion. You know, when you aren't scaring me or pushing me into puddles of water. Heck, I'm surprised that Twi' doesn't care. She seems so... clean." A voice came from across the house, "Heard that! And you're both taking showers later." Oh good lord. The moment of truth. The moment of PLUMBING . I'm surprised that I haven't even needed to... use the facility. At all. Creepy. Twilight hovered over some towels. "For the time being, here. Dry off. Don't want you to catch a cold now, do we?"
"Course not." Twilight laughed and sat down next to me. "Back off, Twi'. He's mine."
...
...
...
...
"I'm your what now!? " Dash was crimson red. (A/N: Now to semi-quote whatever American Dad quoted: Hey Coal Buck... smell mah ass. Ironic, no? )
"UH- I MEANT- UHM. I DIDN'T-"
"Oh, shut up."
"What?"
"Give the army guy a hug..." I said, with annoyance evident in my voice. "Look, Dash. The reason things are so awkward between me and you... Well, first off, I met you, what two days ago? You seem to adore every inch of ground that I walk on!"
"Is it wrong to say I do?" Me and Twilight... Just looked at her with, if I recall, what would be a lot like the Jackie Chan, 'What the hell is wrong with you' meme. "Kidding."
"Okay. Thank God. Rather, Celestia. Lemme continue. Where I'm from, and I've told this to Twilight, but we are the only true sapient being on our entire planet. Being that as it may, it means that we only have "relationships", if you will, with other humans. I have... no clue about here, but I take it from the way you've been acting around me, that there are other forms of life that are immensely sapient. We have a word for... being with 'animals'... I'm not calling you animals! Don't think that, it's just... To my kind... technically... you are."
"I understand completely." Rainbow said.
"You do!?" Twilight answered with me in unison.
"Totally, just lemme voice my opinion. If we were animals, then what would the other things like bunnies, bears, and birds be here?"
......
......
.....
.....
She was right. In 57 different languages and on 32 different levels. She was not an animal at all! She was... well, a pony, technically, but humans are animals, too! Now I don't feel so bad for being attracted to her. Not that way ya' sick fuck bucket... I mean, like the way anyone other than a non-douche bag would be attracted to any human girl. For her qualities. This one was fast, smart, could fly for Christ's sake, was funny, had my sense of humor, wasn't pissed off easily like any other human girl would normally get, hasn't been bossy, and most of all... actually likes me back!
"Dash... That was deep. My mindset is actually now wandering to... what if somepony saw us in the rain?"
The rain had stopped at this point, and it was almost dark out. A white unicorn walked into the library with exasperation clear in her voice. "*pant* Mind telling me why a rumor of a crazy creature fighting Rainbow Dash is quickly circulating Ponyville!?"
"This town is a small town, isn't it, Dash?"
"Yep."
"Well, you know what I'm doing, right?"
"Cool! I'm coming too!" Twilight looked scared now. "You guys can't just go out there by yourself!"
"Nah, it's cool. I can handle myself." I walked over and picked my my USP pistol. In all shameful honesty, I requested it when I was sent out to the middle-east. Guess why. Yup. Call of Duty. Anyway, I made sure it was on safety and and I slid it into my holster. "Ja-Jackson!?" Twilight was freakin' pale as an egg in the winter! Okay... Not really, but she was a lot lighter than normal. "Haha, Twi', I'm not goning to shoot anypony. But.. eh... I'll put on quite the show.
Dash and I crept around the outskirts of town, making sure to weave and bob between houses when none of the ponies gathered talking were looking. We found the perfect spot as I overheard some snobby, stuck-up, rich, know-it-all talk about, "How the thing that attacked Rainbow was a monster, and to be treated as hostile." And how he "won't tolerate chaos here in Ponyville." That "something must be done." I pulled out my gun and took it off safety. I cocked it back and everything was ready. I snuck between houses and ready my gun. None of them had noticed me, they were all focused on that one nuisance of a pony. I crept out of between the houses and came up behind him. The ponies looking at him froze in fear. I aimed far off in the distance and fired my gun.
BANG!
Now it was the rich moron's turn to play my little game of 'freeze tag'. I crouched down behind the pony and whispered in his ear. "This 'thing' has a name, ya' know." He fell to the ground, stiff in fright. "What are you going to do to me? Don't kill me, please!"
"Haha, what? Here, lemme help you up. I just don't like anypony ruining my reputation. My apologies."
"Wha... what are you?"
"Sometimes I ask myself the same thing. Call me Jack."
"Oh... Okay..." He woozily went about attempting to leave, still obviously in shock. Rainbow came out of the alley and we just stared at the crowd of scared-past-hell ponies. "Hi everypony! I'm an alien!" This got the desired result... about 20 ponies fainted. I couldn't help it, neither could Rainbow. We fell into each other laughing. After about a minute or so, we got up and she asked me, "Really? 'This thing has a name'? That's familiar to me. Too familiar."
"What can I say? Just like old times." We set off to the library as the sun set. Romantic, right?
Wrong. As soon as we got there, guess who was all up in my face about, 'Bleh bleh bleh, that was loud'? Can't guess? She's white and prissy. Yup! Rarity! How ever could you tell? "Sorry, I was showing a certain snobby pony not to make assumption. Nopony was harmed."
"You should've seen it, Twilight! Like, 20-something ponies up and fainted! Ahahahaha!" Rarity sighed and looked at Twilight. "This thing is gonna be the talk of the town pretty soon."
"Hey! This 'thing' still has a name, ya know." Rainbow Dash just laughed before putting a hoof around me and saying with a sigh, "Hahah... I was right... Just like old times."
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 15: Home
It was morning. Rarity had gone home last night, Rainbow had stayed, (What else is new?) we had avoided the showers, and I'm just picking up after we all decided what to do for the day. "So, should we greet the wonderful and ever-so-accepting town of Ponyville?" I said with high traces of sarcasm. Naturally, Rainbow was the one to reply first, "Oh, is that even a real question? The answer is obvious! Just stay away from Lyra."
"Who's Lyra?"
"A pony dedicated to your existence. She has been dying to find evidence of humans. What will everypony think once they realize she's been right?" Twilight seemed to muse the question over a few times before replying. "Well, I suppose I owe her an apology. I kept calling her crazy!" Twilight started to laugh at her own comment, but in all honesty, I was pretty creeped out at the fact that somehow, some random pony knew about our entire race. Meh. What can ya' do? Rainbow continued, "And her study area is massive !" She emphasized by leaning back and stretching forearms out. "I get it, Dash."
"Not done. Need bigger drama levels. Waiting for you."
"To what?"
"Join in. Now. Dooooo iiiit...." Instead I poked her side. "Ah! Okay, fine. Let's go, everypony! We're off!"
"To see the wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz! Hahahaha!" Everyone was looking at me like I was an absolute maniac. "Earth joke. Sorry." This got a mumble of what I could only assume were subtle comments along the lines of, 'Oh.' or 'That explains it.' We opened the door of the library to find a green unicorn standing in awe, looking at me. "It's- it's a- hummanah- hessefaff..."
"Aaaaaand I take it you're Lyra..." She let out a... I don't... I don't know what it was, but... I think it was like a squeal. On my end, it came out so loud, squeaky and nervous that it sounded more like what you would hear during an exorcism. She followed with, "You know my name! How do you- When did-"
"Super human-y powers." Bam. She fainted too. I think I would be good for operations! Just imagine this, 'Doc! We're out of anesthetics!'
'Bring in the human!' Then I'm all, 'Sup.' And then I knock everyone out. All sarcasm aside, we now have a green unicorn to take care of. A placed her on my shoulder and turned to the crew. "Well, this has totally been the most normal day ever!"
"Really, Jack? Super human-y powers?" Rainbow complained.
"Prefer I said super pony... -y... powers?"
"Haha, no that just sounds dumb."
"Hey!" I said, while nudging her arm. We were about to walk straight into town. Whatever word hasn't gotten around, was about about to get around one way or another. Better get this over with. "So where does Lyra live?"
"Near the Sugarcube Corner. Let's go!" So, that's what we did. We goed- Erm... went to the place called the Sugarcube corner, took a left, and we found a two story house that everyone stopped at. I suppose this is where Lyra lives. On the way though, I must say, I would probably have been attacked, had the girls not been with me the whole time. I got reactions somewhere along the lines of, "Eep! What is it!?" and "Oh, the horror!" Alright, alright, let's get back to what happened when we got there.
*knock knock knock*
A muffled voice from inside seemed to complain, "Ugh, Lyra's back already?" Haha! A roommate. I whispered, "Twilight, can I scare her too? Pretty please?"
"Jackson..."
"Oh, come on, you know you wanna see what it looks like."
"Fine." The moment of awesome. The door opened. "So, Lyra, what did... you... find..."
"Hello! I'm a human!"
...
...
*thud*
"Hahaha! Awesome! Now, let's set 'em down." I looked back, even Twilight was laughing! Rainbow was on the ground, Rofling her head off like a win cork. Oh, how I love exaggerational similes. "Hehehehe, okay Jack, you were right, heheh, that was funny," Twilight began but she had to inhale to get her composure. "Okay, we have to set these ones down somewhere. And as the internet would say; suddenly, couch! We walked inside and placed the ponies on the couch. The green one called Lyra inadvertently hugged the other. I let it out what I had held in. "Full. Of. D'aaawwwwww..." Twilight 'd'aaawwww'd with me and even Rainbow smiled. I saw that in my peripheral vision, but as soon as I turned, she sheepishly looked at the floor. Everything was quiet for a decent minute, until I broke the silence, "Okay, so where are we supposed to go to meet everypony in town? The market? Or.. It looked like a market to me on the way here..." Lyra's eye opened just a slit, and neither Twi' nor Dash noticed... but I did. Twilight started to reply but I interrupted, "Well, Jack, I suppose that could wor-"
"Yeah, wait one second. This one's awake." Lyra quickly shut her eyes.
"Lemme guess," she teased, "super human-y powers?"
"No, she was just eyeing me." I walked over to Lyra. "Well, hi there." Nothing. I waited for just a moment before getting up and turning to Twilight, "Okay, let's go." I walked over and as I passed, I whispered, "Walk really slow. Watch this." Twilight complied and Dash went with the flow. Just as planned, right before we got to the door, I was tackled by Lyra. "Oh my Celestia, it'sahumanandIhavesomuchtosay! Somuchtoask! Whendidyo-" I put my hand over her mouth. "Calm down, calm down..." I pushed her off and sat, cross-legged. She sat in front of me. "Okay. Now are you calm?"
"Yes! Yesyesyes! Absolutely!"
"Riiiight... So. Lyra... How are you?" She fainted. A stood up and comically held my hands up above my head, "I give up! Put a sign on my head that says, 'Faint now, or for some reason, I'll make you!'" For the first time, Twilight laughed and not Dash. "Gasp! Dash isn't laughing at another's expense? Whooooaaa! What dark magic is this?" Now she laughed. Mission accomplished. I walked towards the door and spoke in what you would call a stereotypical snobby rich English accent, "Mmyes, ladies. Let us move forwardly." Rainbow laughed but looked mad at herself for doing so. "Dangit Jack! I don't laugh at jokes a lot and I intend to keep it that way!"
"What, and I changed that? How? My jokes aren't even good !"
"Well, I don't know. Everything you say is funny."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah."
"Cheese sauce."
"Ahahaha!" She was just laughing for no reason! I turned to Twilight, "Okay, we're outta here." We walked towards the door, and immediately Rainbow scrambled to her feet and charged at me, hitting a sub-pocket in my cargo pants. "Ow!"
"Sorry, I didn't think it would hurt that bad."
"It wasn't you, there's something in a my pocket!" I reached in and pulled out a metallic rectangle connected to a rubber-y string that splits at the top. My MP3 player! "Joy to the world! Da daaa daaa daaaaa..." I spun in circles just outside the door to Lyra and... the other one's house. I held it out in front of me and looked at it. "What is it?" Twilight asked.
"It's a music player. I don't believe it!"
"What music is on it?"
"You'll see, Twi'." Just then, a green blur ran past me face and into the house. It was Lyra quickly snatching it and ran back into her house. "Dangit! You un-faint fast! I'll be right back, ladies." I ran, full speed into the house after Lyra. "C'mon, Lyra, hand it over please." She opened a door and ran into a room, before closing the door in my face. I didn't run into it like Rainbow did before, but I whacked the knob on the side and shouldered the door open. "Aah! I'm sorry! Don't hurt me!"
"I'm not gonna h-"
*whack* Something hit me from behind , knocking me off my feet and I fell to the ground. "Ow! What the heck?" I turned around to see the other pony standing next to me, face in mine. "You'd better get away from Lyra, ya' freak!" She ran over to Lyra and hugged her. "Okay? Sure, just gimme my MP3 player. Good God, this place can be a pain." I said, while brushing myself off and walking over to the desk where Lyra dropped it. This got me a bucking from the mystery bitch. I'll call her that until I learn her name. Instead of yelling in pain, I clutched my side, and turned to her. "Sweetheart," I started, through gritted teeth, "I have a weapon that can put a hole through your leg faster than you can blink. Stop hitting me. Now." She backed up and I snatched up my MP3. "Hey, pal," Lyra began, very angry, "you'd better not hurt Bon-Bon! I don't care if I have been searching for living evidence of you! I will take you out if you hurt her!"
"Watch out! We gotta bad-flank over here! You know what? I like you." I sat on the floor and continued, "You have real human personality traits. I'll tell you this now. I was never gonna hurt anypony, I just wanted my stuff back. On my way into town, I met you, you fainted, I carried you all the flippin' way back here, met the crazed... not even gonna say it... pony... She fainted too! I carried both your sorry flanks to the couch and had my stuff stolen! So I go to get it, get rammed in to, then get bucked! Just leave me alone! Augh! It's not my fault I'm here, but excuse me! I ALMOST DIED BACK ON EARTH! You wouldn't care though, or maybe you do, in fact, maybe you actually do know how a building getting dropped on you feels!? Yesterday was the one year anniversary my fucking sister died!" The girls flinched at the irate use of the swear word, but I still raged on, "I joined the military and put my life on the line every day because I felt like I couldn't protect anyone after that accident and because it always felt like not even my family wanted me, and on the day of my departure to halfway across the fuckin' world, my girlfriend decided to break up with me. She just left.... she... just told me it was over... I don't need this, you both obviously want me gone."
I got up to leave and they just stared at me. Bon Bon came up and spoke to me in a way that looked like she was more than filled with regret, "I... I'm sorry... I didn't know you went through all that. I was just nervous and I... I could help you if yo-"
"You've 'helped' a little too much for my taste. I think it would be best... If I just left." I wanted to say something so bad that I said what came to mind, not thinking at all. I regretted it, because now Bon Bon looked like she was about to cry. Lyra came over and comforted her friend... Probably more than friends from the constant display of affection that I've been seeing around this place. I don't care, as long as they're out of my hair with it. I walked out and closed the door. As I made my way back to the front door, I met with Rainbow who was coming my way. "I heard yelling. It didn't sound too good so.. here I am. You okay?"
"Well, I'll probably have two bruises in the morning."
"What the hay happened!?"
"Bon Bon thought I was attacking Lyra so... She rammed me and then bucked me. It kinda hurt, but... I was skimmed with a bullet back on Earth so this doesn't hurt as much. Something tells me it'll hurt real bad in the morning."
"Interesting... Me and Bon Bon need to have a talk."
"Nono, Dash, don't- *sigh*" I turned and she was already gone. I walked outside and Twilight was there, waiting patiently. Without acknowledging her, I turned and started back to the library. Twilight soon followed suit, but came up to talk, "Where's Rainbow?"
"Probably chewing Bon Bon out."
"What happened?"
"I'll tell you later."
"Where are you going?"
...
...
...
"Home."
(A/N: This one was not entirely thrown together, but I didn't have time to check for edits. If you find anything wrong, please tell me, I would like to know. Also, should Jack be ponified? Type 1, 2 or 3. I won't let you know which means yes or no, and that's what makes it part of the mystery. Muahaha!
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Jackson's Journal: Entry 3
Chapter 16: Jackson's Journal: Entry 3
Twilight turned back to talk with Rainbow, and the pain of my bruises is finally setting in. While I wait for Twilight and Dash to get back, I'm going to write a poem. I hope whoever eventually reads this, if anyone does, enjoys it.
I'm not sure what I've done,
To deserve what I got.
I don't regret one little bit,
Much less regret a lot.
The days I've spent in Ponyville,
Have been the most fun I've had.
I don't even plan of leaving,
That moment would be too sad.
Rainbow Dash seemed quite angry,
After forcing me to snitch.
I told her I was threatened by Lyra,
And bucked by the Mystery Bitch.
It barely hurts as of now,
But I think it will in the morning.
But it will have been worth-while,
After hearing of Rainbow's scorning.
An approach filled with subtlety.
As impossible as it sounds,
Is what I attempt to do,
And hope should soon abound.
I rather like the Rainbow one,
As it's come to my reality.
She's wacky, cute and nice,
This shit ain't no bestiality.
If you said this to me a week ago,
I'd have called you a massive phony.
But here I am, in my diary,
Proclaiming love for a rainbow pony.
My God, what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I've lost my touch!
I suppose living with colored ponies,
Will alter just as much.
I'm staring at my sternum now,
Emotionally, I'm such a mess!
I used to be a rock-hard man,
No one could ever best!
Emotion; shmo-motion,
I really shouldn't obsess.
I need a hug, to be snug like a bug,
Of that I will confess.
I conclude now, since they return,
That this place is like a sanctuary.
I want to say, I want to live,
In a place that hopefully isn't temporary.
(A/N: Not to toot my own horn, *toot toot* but I'm a very good poet. A large vernacular helps. I'll wait while you Google that. *LULZ*
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...
...
I know this isn't REALLY a chapter, but I wanted to pump something out today. Goodnight, everypony! Sleep well, I guess!
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 17: Clingy!
Rainbow slammed the door open in a manner that would normally scare me, but I knew she was on her way. She is so funny. She comes in nearly steaming and she looks all upset. "Whaaaaat happened?"
"Me and Bon Bon got into a fight, and we were both yelling and..." She tried to sit down but winced as she did, eventually she eased her way to the floor. "Oh hell no... What happened?"
"Well, I called Lyra crazy and everything started getting more complicated. Then things got... a little out of hand." Twilight walked into the kitchen and got a bag of ice, floating it to Rainbow. "What did Bon Bon do?"
"Literally speaking... kicked my flank." I was in awe. Oh, the Mystery Bitch had this coming.
"Huh... Interesting. Me and this Bon Bon fellow need to have a little chat."
"Jack, don't stick up for me."
"Well, why not? Pride won't do you any good now. I'm not hurting yet, so I'm not worried about me." I was actually about to make my way over to Lyra and Bon Bon's, but Twilight did the coolest thing. She magi-threw me my pistol! Ha! Damn, this place is cool! I can't stop saying that! "I'm not sure if I'll need this, but..." I slid it into my holster, "Thanks, Twi'." I went out the door and walked down to the house of the Mystery Bitch and, still getting glares from the general public, slowed down to observe my surroundings. I looked long and hard, seeing really random things like a gingerbread house that was a bakery, Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie worked there or so I've heard. Nice. Then the Carousel Boutique off in the distance. Rarity told me it was her place and haha, awesome! It was an actual carousel! I finally got to the M.B. residence, and knocked. Lyra opened the door. "*gasp* It's you! I mean... Oh. It's you." She tried not to look exited but I could tell she was. "Look," I said, "I'm sorry about what I said before, and if it means anything, I'll answer some questions later, but I have to talk to Bon Bon in private for a minute."
"Ab-Absolutely! Anything for you!"
"Heh, calm down..."
"Okay... It's just a knew your kind was out there! Nopony believed me! Weird, huh?"
"Uh... Yeah." I walked back the way I went when chasing after Lyra just about a half an hour ago, assuming to find Bon Bon and -to my surprise- I found her! "Bon Bon..." I sighed and kept going, "We need to talk." I sat on the ground and looked at her. Like, really looked, checking if my eyes were playing tricks on me, because I noted a darkened spot across her side. A bruise. Thanks, Rainbow. "So, I see you have a bruise."
"Y-Yeah... It's nothing..."
"You know... Dashie's will have one pretty soon, too. I don't approve of that. I don't approve of being bucked, but that's besides the point." She stayed silent. "What if Lyra really is crazy? Gonna smack down everypony who says so? Even if they are only saying it out of rage? Like Rainbow was?"
"Lyra's not crazy! And Rainbow meant it..."
"No, she didn't. She just hated to see me hurt. She was only mad at you because you over-reacted." Bon Bon looked down at the ground. "So... Who pulled the first punch?" Bon Bon was silent. "I take it you did..." I stood up and she backed away and scrambled to her hooves to try to run but she fell down. "Please don't hurt me!" She whimpered. I walked over to her and sat down. "Relax, I'm not going to. I can tell something is on your mind... Would you like to talk?" I wasn't making it up. She looked sleep-deprived, and over all... sad. She was hurting, so, I offered some help. I can relate to severe sadness and anguish. So this wouldn't be so bad, right? Bon Bon stopped cowering and started talking about how "everypony was making fun of her for living with 'Lyra the weirdo'" and that "she was so sorry for hurting Rainbow, but she pushed her over the metaphoric edge after called Lyra crazy!". It was everything I had not to shed a tear. It's just... Let me put it this way. When something so cute is hurting so bad for so long, you feel the need to be sorry for it. It's sort of an obligation. She looked at me with teary eyes herself and said, "No, by the way. I didn't hurt anypony else for what they said. I just..." she sighed, "It's just that she's always so cocky and when she gets mad, she is so defensive. She must really like you..." I mumbled under my breath, "You have no idea..." Then she did what I have never seen anyone, anypony... anything do after first seeing an alien. She hugged me. She hugged me and quietly cried into my back. Lyra walked into the door, saw this, and gasped. I turned to her and sighed before waving at her to join if she wanted. She squeaked with joy and ran over to hug the apparently famous human. I sat there and was hugged for about thirty seconds before... -if you can't beat 'em; join 'em- I hugged back. I patted their heads and separated the hug to speak, "Bon Bon?" She sniffed and wiped away a tear, "Y-Yeah?"
"Would you like to get some well deserved revenge?"
"What do you mean?"
"All those name-calling ponies. Wouldn't it be great to show them a human first-hand and see their faces?" She laughed and hugged me again. Much harder than before. "Ack! Bon Bon... crushing... ribs... I think... voice... turning to... Captain Kirk..." She didn't let go. So... so... I can't think of a word! Darn, a word to describe Bon Bon at the moment... "Bon Bon, please stop hugging me." Lyra started hugging again. Are you serious? That's it. "Girls," I always seem to have to frickin' resort to this, "if you don't stop hugging me, I'm gonna tickle you..." Bon Bon was the one who squeaked this time and let go, but Lyra held firm. "Does she have selective hearing?"
"Yes. That's actually what I think sometimes."
"Oh. Okay..." I waited for a moment, and slowly inched my finger toward her belly and started to scratch it. Lyra started vibrating from what I could assume was laughter, and Bon Bon went in the front to look at her and came back around to my face and nodded, signaling it was working. I scratched faster at this point, and I heard giggles seeping out of Lyra. This was hysterical. I went to her side and squeezed under what I was assuming were little pony ribs, and she fell off, laughing and flailing her hooves around hoping to be saved. She managed to get out a squeal and the words, "Ehehehahahaha! C-C'mon! Hahahaha! I just wanted a hug!" I stopped and stood up. "Well, girls... Time for some revenge." Lyra gathered herself and Bon Bon patted her head but Lyra knocked her hoof away and angrily said, "Why didn't you help me?" I laughed and looked at Bon Bon, "Lead the way to the mean ones!" She quickly took point in front of me and proudly trotted off down the hallway. I was going to follow, but not before some re-inforcing words to Lyra. "Don't worry," I whispered to the upset unicorn, "She's next."
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Clingy! That's a word to describe Bon Bon! Clingy!
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Shoulda' Helped Her When You Had The Chance
Chapter 18: Shoulda' Helped Her When You Had The Chance
So Lyra, Bon Bon, and I made out way into town, while my brain said, 'Allow me to give you half-assed thoughts on everything.'. So, there I am, aimlessly following Bon Bon while thinking, 'What came first, the color orange, or the fruit? The chicken or the egg? Why do these ponies eat eggs but not chicken? Weren't ancient ponies curious as per a taste?' etc... Finally, we got to the market where many ponies were currently shopping and purchasing many necessary items. We ducked into building crevasses so we weren't seen, and to our good fortune, this endeavor succeeded! Bon Bon quickly informed me that there was a shop owner who called was overheard calling Lyra 'Absolutely bananas.'. Oh heeeeeeeell naw. I know he didn't do that. "Okay, Lyra, follow me." I whispered to the unicorn as we swooped in between houses and wound up on the other side of the market, just behind the cart where the reportedly rude stallion was working. I told Lyra to say something to get him to turn around, once we were behind him and she agreed. We walked (and trotted) over to the stallion and Lyra said, "Hello, I'd like to purchase an apology."
"Look, Lyra, I don't even know what you me-" He turned around and I waved. He slowly waved back and turned to Lyra, mouth agape. I looked down at him and spoke, "Yup, she's super crazy! Being right, how crazy is that?" He fainted. I have a knack for this. I thought word traveled around here fast. Wouldn't he have heard of me? Slow news day? Who the hell knows. Meanwhile, I think I succeeded in my mission, seeing as Lyra was cracking up for the second time today. She was on her back, front hooves clutching her stomach. Was it that funny? When she stopped, she just laid there, staring at the sky. "Need help getting up, there?"
"Yes. I... I think I do." So I crouched and helped held out my hand. She held out a hoof and I did my best to help her up. I mean, really, I don't know if I've established this or not, nor do I care. These pony's hooves are round and smooth, so it's hard get a grip. They aren't hard as bone, so it's hard(er) in that sense as well. At least the legs match. If they had legs like the horses at home, they would be hard as bone too, furthering the issue. Lyra commented, "I bet those hands are useful" (Oh Lyra... You have no idea what you just implied... *Immaturity activated* Trolololo. "Yeah, I suppose they are. Never really thought about it long enough to realize how fortunate I am." She frowned and we walked back to Bon Bon quietly but then she eyed my gun and went all, 'Touchy touchy, I wanna see, and by see I mean touch, which is quite the contrary to use of the verb.' on me and I had to grab it out of her aura -an unfruitful effort- to get it back. When that didn't work, I told her what it was used for and she dropped it in disgust. I don't blame her. This place looks untouched by any sort of conflict. "Look," I said, "It isn't my favorite thing either. There's something we have in common, eh?" She was enlightened by this and hugged me. "Remember last time you hugged me?" She quickly let go and I laughed. Ponies are so easy to scare. I patted her on the head and walked down the main road again. I wasn't getting looks anymore. Maybe this town is more accepting than I thought. I noticed we were making our way back to her and Bon Bon's place.
"Bon Bon, why are we heading back?"
"Didn't you notice the town wasn't staring at you?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Word finally got around and it won't be a surprise anymore. So thanks for that one scare back at the market. That was awesome, but I think it won't work anymore."
"Oh. Okay." Lyra then invited me in and took a seat on the couch. Bon Bon joined her. Lyra patted the seat in between them for some reason and slyly pointed to Lyra with a flailing of her hooves. I got the hint. I sat down, put my arm around Bon Bon's neck, pulled her closer aaaaand....
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"Shoulda' helped her when you had the chance."
If you remember the promise I made: Good for you, you get a cookie! (: :)
If you don't and you have a dirty mind: Go screw yourself!
(A/N: Super sorry for the short chappie. I'll make it up for ya', I promise. Lemme know of any and all errors. This was rushed to the max, broski.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 19: Marry Me
After a session of lulz and such, Lyra floated Bon Bon upright, and they hugged for no reason. Lyra then gently pushed Bon Bon away saying, "So help me next time." and then smiled warmly. "Well," I began, "I'd better get back to Twilight and the others. You girls are great, but I should be running along now."
"Aww... You're no fun. Everypony leaves before I really start feeling better!" Lyra fake pouted.
"C'mon, I can't take your pouting face." So she did it more. "Okay, I really have to go." I patted them each on the head and left the room, then the house. Then I walked down the main street and got to Twilight's library. Upon arrival, I was greeted by a happy Twilight and possibly, too-happy-for-her-own-good Rainbow. "Well?" Rainbow asked, "What happened?"
"Bon Bon was just angry at-"
"Me, I know."
"Well, thanks, Ms. Interruption. I was gonna say at the whole town. Everyone was calling Lyra crazy. Not because she freaked over me, but because she knew my kind existed and none of you ponies believed her! So Bon Bon got all worked up over all of this and snapped."
"Snapped?" Twilight inquired, "So she had been holding it in, huh?"
"Like a twig." I replied, sadly. "So, I went out with her and spooked another sorry individual who refused to believe that I was in town. I don't think anypony else is scared to see me anymore, though. I think it's almost become a normal occurrence to see me on the streets. But whatever, the point is I made her feel better by getting revenge." I wiped my forehead free of sweat and groaned, "But really, does it have to be so hot out? You pegasus ponies cranked up the thermometer a few degrees today, didn't you?" Rainbow just laughed and smiled, "Yeah, well, you came here during the summer! What do you expect?"
"Seems legit." I muttered. Twilight was walking back to her desk, but turned around. "That reminds me! Weren't you going to take a shower?" Crap.
"Wait, what about Dash? You were talking about her taking one the other day!" Rainbow turned to me with a face that said, 'You monster!' I just smiled my trademark malicious smile and turned back to Twilight. Rainbow had other plans. "Well, I have a cloud house. One of the many pros is great water pressure... One of the cons is water leakage." I laughed at that, but realized that she was right. Somehow, she just wriggled her way out of the awkwardness of showering in another's bathroom. That's what I don't like about this. I could care less if it's a pony's house, I just hate showering in other's restrooms. Pet peeve of mine. I hope to God that I somehow get my own house. Allow me to correct my sub-conscience... Ahem, I hope to Celestia. There.
I had an idea to prolong this little strange-fest. "Well, I think I'm going to need clothes. I can't slip back in the funky ones."
"Why don't we go to Rarity's?"
"Um... Okay, sure." Twilight gathered her things and Rainbow went up to her house to take a cloud shower. I can't even imagine the water pressure. It must have levels. 'Drizzle, Sun Shower, Regular, Hard, Thick, Storm,' and 'Hurricane' Great. Now I wanna cloud house! Argh! Only pegasi can walk on clouds though, I remember reading that in the book I picked up. That sounds like a load of fun, actually. I caught up to Twilight who was waving at me to speed up. I guess I was getting lost in thought. Anyway, we made it to Rarity's and knocked on the door, "Come iiiiin!" Called out from the inside in a sing-song voice. As we walked in, we were greeted by a certain white fashionista. "Ah, darling, I simply knew you would come by soon! "What is it that you need?"
"Uh, Twilight and I were thinking, and I think I should have new clothes. These are... pretty darn old in terms of the last time they were cleaned."
"Oh, well I see. I'm just going to have to measure you up to get a decent size. Stand over there, would you?" So, I did as I was told for the next ten to fifteen minutes. After Rarity had me sized up, she walked back to her table, chuckling. "Is everything okay?" I asked.
"Everything is fine, darling. I just haven't ever made clothing like this. It will be a challenge and- ooh! That reminds me, do I have anything to go by? I mean, your clothes are much different from pony clothing. I'll need to have something to look at for a bit, while I work. I can't very well ask for the clothes off you back now, can I?" Ah good, her mind isn't a sieve. She remembered that one key difference between ponies and humans. Yeah, it was a question she asked a while back about why our kind always wears clothes which she found out via another question and- I ramble... a lot, don't I?
"Umm..." I stood, pondering what to do. I wasn't an artist, so... Wait, I remember seeing a human fashion magazine in Lyra's batcave! Wait again, how did she get a hold of that!? *sigh* Magical magics. Such a confusing thing sometimes. "I have an idea, but I have to go to Lyra's place again."
Twilight looked confused, "What for?"
"You'll see." With that, I took off, to the place of Lyra and Bon Bon. I knocked and was greeted by Lyra. "Back so soon? I thought you wait three days before talking again." She winked.
"Yeah, if you really like the-(I caught myself)-pony you're talking t- Oh! ... I see what you did there. Seriously, I need some help. Could I see your base of operations?"
"Huh?"
"That room where you keep all the human stuff."
"Oh," She giggled, "Sure!" So she lead me back and opened the door. "What do you need?"
"Just a human fashion magazine. Rarity needs some stuff to look at while she works on news clothes. Do you have a summer casual?"
"Coincidentally, I do!" She levitated it over and even opened it to the male section. "Thanks." I said before turning to leave. However, I felt a warm aura as Lyra turned me around, and held me in place. "Uhh, Lyra?"
"Now you have to do me a favor. I've been reading up on my 'Human Tragedy' section and I've been reading details about terrible things. Like your second world war with those poor Jewish people and the nuclear missiles. I could only read the American language, but those Americans seem like jerks a lot of the time. I know that there are different nations. Which nationality are you?"
"American." I said, with an annoyed face from her last comment about us.
"Oh my gosh. I'm sorry. I take it back, you guys aren't jerks. Now that I know you, of course. Also, a little while ago I was reading about this thing called 9/11. That sounds really sad. So many of your kind died. I also crept behind a human's house to watch a television, I caught a video of a man's phone call when he was stranded on one of the floors of a building. I almost cried, I don't understand how these things can happen!"
She cleared her throat and took a deep breath, obviously trying to regain her composure. "Now I understand things on matters of opinion a lot of times, but I also need facts. My favor that I ask of you is that you meet up with me sometime and we talk this stuff out. I need to know many things. This is a dream come true to me. I've checked, I've tried to whack myself awake at least five times now."
"Don't hurt yourself."
"Heh, I doubt I will. Anyway... Meet up with me sometime?"
"Ya' know... I just might. Thanks for not thinking I'm a jerk!" She blushed and looked down. "Anytime." I left and made my way back to Rarity's house/boutique. "Heeeeere's Jackson!" I peered my head through the door to find Rainbow asleep on a bench, Twilight waiting patiently and eagerly, and Rarity... wasn't in sight. The sound of my voice woke Rainbow, and Twilight glanced over. "Oh, hello Jackson, Rarity's just in the other room. Rarity!" Rarity ran out. "Yes? Oh, Jackson! Wonderful, is that a magazine?"
"Uhh, yeah, a human magazine. Here are some things that would be considered stylish for humans." She skimmed through the male section, observing polo tees, thin sweatshirts, shorts, jeans, and many more. "Well, I dare say your race has a knack for fashion. Do you mind if I keep this for 'ideas' for my own lines?"
"You'll have to talk to Lyra about that, Miss Rarity."
"Oh, please. Call me Rarity."
"Okay, Rarity." I emphasized her name and added a warm smile for good measure.
"I'll have your order ready later today, darling. And Twilight, don't even think about paying. This one's on the house on account of this one's charming behavior." She gestured to me and walked into the back room, which I assume is the wrok room. Rainbow finally decided to get up at Rarity's compliment. I see where this is going. Downhill, that's where. "Hey hey hey! You're puttin' the moves on the wrong mare!"
"Hah! Moves? I was being nice. You'll have to try it Ms. Jealous." Her face flushed a familiar red and she backed away. "I-I'm not jealous! I just... Was j-joking! Yeah, that's it! Joking!" Y'know, Ms. Jealous, you're coat doesn't hide your blush very well. Dye yourself red, then talk to me. This furthered her tomato-faceism and she scrambled to the door and flew away. Twilight was left laughing on the ground. "Do humans always have such good comebacks?"
"Not all of them. I suppose I do, though. What can I say? My actions precede my words" I pointed to her and chuckled a bit. She laughed even more but managed to get up and say, "Rainbow is probably sulking in her cloud house after just being told off by an alien or at the library trying to crack your lock on that journal of yours."
"Hey! Watch it! This alien has feelings! And what was that last part?"
"...We'd better get back to the library." I'm not gonna lie... I fuckin' ran. We finally made it back to the library and guess who was right? The purple unicorn. "Tsk tsk tsk. Dashie..." Rainbow bolted upright from the laying down position she was in, while biting on the lock. "You know you need a key, right?" She sighed and dropped the book.
"Yeah, i just wanted to see what you wrote in it!"
"That's why I locked it." I casually took out my MP3 player and looked through my music. "Care to see a modern human invention? Twilight? I know you must be so interested based on my understanding of your OCD for learning." Rainbow laughed to herself and Twilight blushed before accepting the truth that she was indeed curious. Rainbow was as well, so they both walked over. They read the genres as I shuffled through them. Twilight looked stunned but Dash just looked confused and annoyed. "Okay? A moving book. Big whoop."
"Not just a moving book. Pick a genre of music." She thought for a minute and read off a few to herself before answering, "Okay, what's in custom?"
"Those are custom genres that I made."
"That one, then." So I opened it, but inside were different music types. I explained, "Okay, now pick a genre." She thought again, before answering, "What's dubstep?"
"Select and find out." So obviously, she did. "Now Twilight gets to choose a song." Twilight leaned over and rubbed her chin with a hoof, pondering the choices. Finally, she gasped and chose, 'Dubba Johnny - UKF Dubstep Tutorial '. "Wow, Twilight, I guess I was right. You never pass up a chance to learn." She sheepishly smiled and I laughed, "Tutorials..." I put the MP3 player on the table, unplugged the headphones. Before I hit play, I said, "Now know this, in dubstep, there are usually no lyrics. If there are, you usually can't understand them. Also, it's supposed to sound low and guttural, so if yo-"
"Yeah yeah yeah, skip the speech." Rainbow cut me off, "Just play it!"
"Fine." I hit play and at the beginning, both mares were confused. However, once the first section started, Rainbow was lightly bobbing her head. It was almost unnoticeable. Twilight was intently listening. The snare and hi-hats hit and Rainbow was bobbing her head more. Twilight just nodded in acceptance. Then the bass dropped.
So did Rainbow's jaw.
Overused phrase? Who gives? It's true. "Where has this been all these years? It's pretty awesome!" On the other hand, Twilight looked like a mix between freaked out and appalled. It was a short track, and after it was over, Spike came downstairs. "What the heck was that? Sounded like... I have no idea what to compare that to."
"Oh hey Spike. That was just some human music."
"Oh, well could ya' keep it down? Not to be rude, but Twilight and I were up late, and dragons need extra rest when they stray from a schedule."
"Not a problem, buddy." I plugged in the ear buds and handed held them out to Rainbow one at a time. "Here, this goes in your right ear, and this goes in your left ear." She hesitantly put them in. Strangely enough, they fit her just fine. I asked her to select a new song. This time she picked 'Skrillex - Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites '. Figures she would. After listening, she told me to replay the last minute and pay attention to what the ending lyrics were...
"~You don't need to hide, my friend. For I am just like you...~" She looked up at me and pushed at my shoulder. "Well," I began, "He is kinda right. We aren't too different. I'm thinking of bridging the only gap as well." She looked confused, and was about to talk when I interrupted her, "Just pick another song, you'll see later."
"Umm... Okay? Go back. Back again." I was at the main screen. "Okay, pick 'Rock and Roll' now." I did that and in this genre she chose, 'Bohemian Rhapsody' because it 'sounded funny'. I played it and she was confused but overall, loved it! "Wow! I mean, I like dubstep but... this is definitely my favorite song yet!"
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Marry me.
(A/N: Hey, all! I hope this makes up for the shortness of the last chapter. Also, this takes care of many issues that I had put off. Now, I want to give a shout-out to MicroUltraMad. Brotha', you're awesome. I appreciate the criticism. Also, I do plan on using your ideas. If anyone else has an idea, please hit me up in a PM.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 20: Come Get It!
The rest of the day was spent waiting for my order of clothing, and when it finally came in, it was nearing dusk. As Rainbow, Twilight, and I got back to the house, Rainbow took off, reminding Twilight about that shower. Fuckin' sadist ponies. As she flew off, I shot her an, 'Oh ho-ho, you bitch' glance. She returned it with a... A troll face. I mean, not perfectly, but... wow! I admit, I laughed. It was now that I realized I had to pee. Badly. As casually as a three-legged dog on crack, I walked down to the bathroom with my extra clothes that I was just now taking the time to look at. They weren't half bad at all. In fact, they were casual, but stylish! No wonder she runs a fashion boutique. First time making human clothes, that mare sure knows how to improvise! Then again, I provided her with a magazine for reference. OH, yes, of course, I'm just delaying the inevitable. Allow me to tell you how the shower went...
It was fine. Just plain old fine. Wait, did you want details? You'd want me to explain how a guy like me washes himself. You make me sick. Unless, you didn't care. Oh. Okay, that's a lot better. Her shower is just about the size of a human shower in a cheap apartment. Ample room for ponies, a little small for humans. It's fine, though. As long as I could rid myself of the smell of sweat.
I waited until after the shower to... Use the restroom, which proved to be a terrible idea. Warm water + Urge to pee = Oh sweet mother of God, help me through these times. They say you can pee in the shower, but I only pee in my own. I'm not even on my own planet , so you already know that I wouldn't dare. The point is, everything was surprisingly fine. For about 5 seconds, I was worried, 'What if she uses bar soap? Aw, hell naw.' But she uses liquid soap and such. As I clothe myself again, I walk out and swear I'm sparkling. With all the soap she uses that could be where Twilight gets her name! *rimshot* Well, now it's dark, so I ask Twilight a question that's been on my mind for a while. That question is,
"Can you temporarily turn me into..." Get this...
"A pony?"
Crazy, right? I know, don't ask why, because I've yet to ask myself . It just seems like something that would be fun! I hope a become a unicorn or pegasus! Or, best of both worlds, an alicorn! No offense to the Earth ponies, but, c'mon! Magicing and flying... ing. That would so awesome! Alright, so her reaction is that of shock and intrigue. "Hmm, you want to be a pony? How interesting. I have a spell that transforms sapient life from form A to B for around a week or so, but... I'm severely rusty."
"Do you need oil?" She just laughed my comment but reassured that she would try, which filled me with happiness. "Thanks a bunch, Twilight! I owe ya one! Could I be a unicorn or a pegasus? I was thinking I co-" She stopped me by magically holding my mouth shut, and I don't know if I've said this before, but magic is warm! It's nice and comforting. I thought it would be more sharp and cold but hey. Opposites attract. My thoughts attracted opposite facts! "Listen, Jackson, I can't choose what form you take. It's up to fate." I nodded in understanding and she released my mouth before asked another question, "Why do you suddenly want to become a pony? Even if only temporary?" Simple, I wanted to see what it was like to walk in the horseshoes of a pony. So I told her that. I said it seemed interesting, and no one I know has done it. She happily agreed and practically nose-dived into a pile of books that I guessed had something to do -somewhere- with transformation.
Meh, I guess I'll just relax for now and- "Found it!" Are you shitting me?
"Jeez, Twi'! You're good at that!"
"Heh... Thanks. Well... When do you plan on doing this?"
"Now... If possible."
"Oh... Okay... Stand over there, please." Twilight pointed with a hoof over to the center of the library, so I walked there and stood. "Alright, take a seat." I sat and watched her horn glow until everything became white. I don't know how long I was out, nor do I care. All I know was I was out for a while, because when I woke up, it was light out! "Whoa, um... Twilight?" I looked around and caught a glimpse of gray-red hair, "Whoa, who's here, Twilight?" I look behind me to try to catch the dark red maned perpetrator, only to have the mane shift away again. As my eyes came into focus, I saw that the mane was way to close to be another pony. It had to have been... The spell worked didn't it? Ha! Nice going, Twi'! Ya' knocked me right out! Oh my God, won't Dash flip? Let's see, here- augh! I turned around and the light from the sun hit my eyes. This time around, it stung, so I raised my arm to block the rays, only to find an even darker gray hoof and the end! Oh my God! It did work! Hahaha! This was insane!
*thud*
In my haste, I rolled right off the... couch? Well, how nice of Twilight to put me on the couch. Either way, I was on the floor now. I rolled away so I could face the rest of the house slash library. I found not a single pony up and or about, but instead a note that read, "Hello Jackson! If you're reading this, it means you've managed to pick this up and read it. Either that, or you've fallen on your back right off the couch." I'm gonna tell her that I picked the note up if she ever asks me. Falling on my back is not a nice way to start things off. I climbed up onto all fours... rather easily... Suspicious. I slid a hoof under a crease in the paper and kept reading, "I've teleported to the top of the library. You'll have to come and get me if you want breakfast." Oh dear lord. How? "So make good use of those wings." Wait, wha-?" I turned my head to look back and holy snap crackle pop rice krispies, Batman! I have wings! I felt around my forehead for a certain protrusion, but to no avail. I was a pegasus!
I stumbled outside, quickly getting the hang of walking and trotting, which I assumed would take a while to learn but seemed to come as an instinct. Once I got far enough away from the library, I turned and looked up at the roof. There was a hot plate of eggs and -what I guessed was- hay. I might like the eggs... But the hay? Not sure if want. Either way, I was starved. I was used to going for a while without food but I just turning into a completely different fuckin' being will do that to a guy. Erm... Stallion. Twilight waved down at me with a smile. I swear she could hear my stomach growl, which don't get me wrong, is weird. Still I was amazing at her spunk when she said, "Hungry? Come get it!"
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 21: WHAT!?
"Oh, hell to the no." I muttered, in shock. Twilight was taunting me with the amazing scent of food. Wait... How was it that I could smell it from down here!? Powerful pony nose. Cool yet creepy at the same time. "Twilight, I have no clue how to fly!"
"Try! Or are you scared?"
"How could I be scared? It isn't scary, just hard! C'mon, Twi, this isn't funny!"
"Nope! You gotta learn somehow."
Well, fine. That crazy wants me to 'try', I'm gonna try. But you know what? When I can't unfurl a single damn wing, I'm going to pretend to die in a corner. make her feel all guilty. As I began to crack my neck to warm up, the thought hit me that it would be hard to stretch my shoulders. You know, the fact that ponies are quadrupeds doesn't help my stretching routine. However, I'm one for a challenge, so what do I do? I try it anyway. I try to move my shoulders down, which is the pony equivalent of backwards. I only managed to move them a little bit, but hey! A little is better than nothing. As I silently cheered myself on, it started to get a little windy, and something touched my leg. I looked down at my leg to see what it was and- MOTHER OF GOD, I'M FLAPPING MY WINGS. I try to move my shoulders again; this time putting more emphasis on my stomach and/or abdomen. I was now hovering a good 5 feet off the ground. Wow, this was... just plain amazing! I would've never dreamed of this in my whole life! Twilight just smiled and held out the food, slowly moving it back and forth. Sadist ponies. With a little more effort, I pumped myself up to the second floor, then higher, to the neck of the roof! Might I add, that is actually pretty high on the tree house. With a final flap, I was on the same level as Twilight. Now came the problem... Turning.
I twisted my wings slightly and turned. This instinct crap is making it too easy! I want a challenge! I want to... Well, I still have to move over to her. I guess that could be a challenge. Seeing as I'm around 20 feet away. Going higher up takes a little bit outta you. But hovering, which is what I was doing, wasn't hard at all, so I just hovered for a minute before trying to fly to Twilight. I tilted my wings forward a tad and flapped a bit. This worked! I was scared of going fast, so I took, like, thirty seconds getting to her. I decided I was going to troll Twilight, so right when my first hoof hit the solid roof, I pretended o slip and fall. I heard a gasp and a shriek, and decided that I should pull up. I flapped once, leveling my balance, then a few more times, powerfully to get back up. As I arose from the side of the house, I put on my best, 'Umad?' face and landed. She punched me in the shoulder and basically reprimanded me for her inability to understand that I was goofing on her. She didn't put it like that though. She hit me in the side, right where I had folded my wings, and screamed at me for making her shriek like a filly. I ow'd at the wing hit, but laughed my butt off at her comment about her screaming. She scowled at me, and a stopped to apologize. She warmed up and smiled, and so did my food! Well, I mean, it didn't smile but... You know what I mean. She handed... (hoofed?) me the food and a took a look at it. Hay and eggs. How on Earth... Erm... Equestria am I going to eat the eggs? "Twilight," I started, "I'm going to sound like a little foal... But how am I supposed to eat this?" Twilight stopped and stared for a minute. Now was her turn to laugh. She fell on her back, laughing and rolled on to her stomach. She finally got up and looked over at me. "Well," she began, "Hay is hoof food. Sort of like fries! Although unicorns see that as impolite, it's not like you pegasi can do anything about that." She looked embarrassed as if she'd insulted me but trudged on, "So, that isn't so hard, although, I'm sure your hands would've helped." I nodded and she continued, "However, eggs. Well, I apologize, you aren't a unicorn, so utensils are a lost cause for you."
"Hey! I'm sure with practice, wings can fill that slot." Twilight looked at me inquisitively but with a hint of entertainment before starting up again, "Okay, well, for now, just put it on bread." She smiled levitated bread from inside the house over to the eggs before pooping them on like a sandwich. It looked appetizing enough. "Now, I think we should get inside." She teleported the food away. "Hey, that better have been ported to a table! I'm starved!"
"Heh- Relax, it was, it was... So just come on down when you're ready." I nodded again and slowly flew down as she teleported inside. Flying wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Although, I will very much need to practice. I trotted inside and sat down at the table next to my food that was still plenty warm! I quickly dug in to my sandwich, with manners, mind you. It turned out that the eggs here weren't different at all compared to that of Earth's. It was delicious and I tasted a hint of salt. How nice of Twilight. However, the time came when all that was left was the hay. I stared at it for a minute and Twilight seemed to understand why I was so hesitant. "Oh, right. Different species and all. Well, just try it. Tell me what you think." I sighed, but hell, things gotta be done sometimes. I scooped some up and took a bite. It tasted... well, good. I swallowed and turned to Twilight. "This is amazing. I never thought I would eat hay. I think it's because I'm a pony now. Acquired taste, I suppose?"
"Wow. I suppose so. You humans don't eat hay regularly, right? I just made an inference before."
"Well, it was correct, Twi'. Now, though, I think I like this kind of stuff." I looked at her with a face that spelled 'Death' and said, "And I don't crave meat..." She 'eeped' and jump up out of her seat, but caught her leg on something and fell on her back. I tried not to laugh, I really did. I held my breath, bit my tongue, etc... No use whatsoever. "Ahahahaha! I was joking, Twilight! Hahahaha...." She stood up. Furious, from the looks of it. Her frown softened and soon she was laughing. "Seriously, though, Jack... Don't do that to me anymore. It still creeps me out." I nodded and finished my hay. "Wait, Twi'."
"Yeah?"
I cleared my throat and prepped even myself at what I was about to say...
"I want to prank Rainbow Dash." Crazy, I know, but I wanted to do this. Twilight answered in the funniest way possible; like a cheesy 30's movie. She gasped, "But Jackson! You can't-"
"Twilight, I must do this. For the sake of revengence."
"Oh. So that's what this is about!"
"I'm sorry. This is how it has to be." Twilight dramatically looked away. Ya' know, in hindsight, this probably wasn't the best thing for me and Twi' to do. Why, you ask? Spike came down, and saw us arguing. Under the context of the last few things thrown back and forth by Twilight and I, he daringly asked the question, "Hey, Twilight! Whoa, this your coltfriend?" Twilight's face flushed a deep red, and looked at the ground, "No, Sp-"
"As a matter of fact..." I interrupted, putting a British accent. (I'm known to be an amazing mimic.) before getting another blow to my side. Not as hard, though, since subtlety had to be remained. "well, fine..." I whispered, "be that way. I was going to do something but nooo..." Twilight cut me me off this time and replied angrily yet embarrassed, "Ab-absolutely not! That's... That's uh... my friend..." She took a look at my flank. At first, I was all, 'Is she making a move?' That's counterproductive to what claim she just made. Then I saw she was looking at my cutie mark. Learned it in that book a while back. "His name is... uh... Fire Point. He's... great at aiming... things."
"Uh..." Spike muttered, confused, "Okay, Twi', Whatever. Hey, dude. Nice to meet you. I'm Spike." He extended a hand and I extended a hoof. Well, obviously you know what happened next, but how do I put it? We shook hands? No, I have hooves now. Shook hooves? No, he has hands. Ugh, just forget it. "Alright, Mr. Point, maybe I'll see you later. I have to get back to Rarity's."
Now was my turn to be intrusive. "Oh, is she your marefriend?" Spike's reaction was so much like Twilight's. "Well," he began, "don't tell anypony... But I kinda like her." He held a claw to his mouth with an audible "Ssh..." and I just laughed before doing the zipper motion with a hoof. Spike declared his temporary leave as he was off to visit his love and he would be back soon. As he left, I heard a thud and reeled back an inch. As the door opened, I saw Rainbow Dash come in backwards, still talking to a dazed Spike who I'm guessing she bumped in to. "Sorry, pal. I was in a rush. I'll make it up to ya' sometime." She trotted in with her naturally glowing pride sticking to her very persona... wait. Persona? Ponya? Ponysona? Ugh, I swear, this damn language is gonna kill me. She looked around before asked Twilight, "Where's Jack?"
Twilight gave a sly little wink to me when Rainbow wasn't looking and said something I wouldn't ever expect her to say. Something that trolled her harder than I ever could have. "I sent him home."
Dash looked like she was about to cry, but that quickly turned to rage as she stomped a hoof and got ready to charge, "WHAT!?"
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 22: When We Get There
(AN:I'm back, biz nitches!)
Still maintaining my accent, I pretended to act startled. I jumped a bit and asked, "Um, excuse me, miss?" It was like the world's best Cockney/Queen's English mix! Rainbow turned and glared daggers at me, "WHAT!?" She yelled, quickly covering her mouth with a hoof. "I'm so sorry sir. Umm... heh, what did you need?"
"Well, I was just wondrin' why is'so terrible for 'im to be home. Cahn't ya just go to 'is house?"
"Um, it's hard to explain... but, he... Doesn't live near here." Dash didn't look worried so much as nervous. I'd have to find out why later.
"Oh... Well, I'm terribly sorrey for ya loss, I suppose? Well, I'd best get goin'." I started to walk to the door. As I looked back, I saw Rainbow just collapse and put her head in her hooves. She didn't cry, though. She just... laid there. Whatever, time to give up the act. "Oi, miss. The rainbow-colored lass. I neva' did catch your name." She sighed and answered, "Rainbow Dash..."
"Pleasure ta meet your acquaintance." I switched to my real voice, "The name's Jackson." Rainbow Dash quicly looked up and turned her head then stared at me for a seconds. "Happy to see- oof!" She bolted across the room and wrapped her hooves around my neck, knocking me down. When she realized she did that, she punched me in the fa- SHE PUNCHED ME IN THE F*CKING FACE! OW! "Ow! Jeez! Don't punch me, I bleed!" I covered my snout with a hoof and rolled over, to get the crazed madmare off me. I quickly got to my hooves and shot a confuddled look at Rainbow. who had the most adorably pleading eyes EVER. "I'm sorry... again..." I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't be. So I sniffled up what I assumed to be a drop of blood in my nose. "It's fine. Just never hit the face. It's my money maker."
"Ha! If I remember, you don't have a bit to your name!"
"Things change."
"Right." She smirked.
"Okay, screw this. I'm looking for a job, le now." And with that, I trotted over to the door and took off. Ya know, into the air... cuz I can fly. DAMN it feels good! It's like you're your own airplane, but no roof, floor and it's all window. "Whoa!" I heard from next to me. It was Rainbow Dash, gliding by me. "You're pretty good! I didn't know you could fly!"
"You act like you should've!"
"I should have!" Mmkay, Dash. You tell yourself that.
"Say," I started, "where can I get a job?"
"Well, if you're game, we could try the weather factory."
"Okay. Fill me in as to what that is." She bumped me and flew off, yelling back, "If you can follow me, I'll tell you when we get there!"
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Working on a new story. Called, "Exposure" by Guy. Go look at it.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Chapter 1: Charmed, She's Sure
"Move, move, move! Private Jackson, we are Oscar Mike, get to the god damned boat!" That's what Commander Sachez, (That's right, no "N", so not Sanchez) said to me before everything crashed down around me. Literally. I was just a rookie, straight out of the 16th year. The building we were using as cover was falling. Fast. "Shit! Get the fuck out!" I was dead, and I knew it. I wouldn't have time to move... It was over. I braced myself as the building slowly came down. The creaking and groaning made my ears feel like they were bleeding. Next thing I knew... I was falling? What in the world? My chest landed on something bulging from the ground. I coughed a few times before I started blacking out. It looked like I was in a forest, so I crawled to a tree, then I passed out.
At some point, I guess you could you say I came to, kind of. I heard a voice whispering seemingly to itself. "What is it? Is it... friendly?" I saw a shadow. Oddly shaped at that. Maybe my imagination, I didn't know. I stretched out my hand as a plead for help. I thought it was a terrorist. Had I survived the building collapse? No, impossible. Was this heaven? Whatever was standing by me didn't see my hand as a cry for assistance. It ran off, full speed, seemingly. I laid there and I honestly don't remember much after.
When I woke up, I could clearly see what was going on, in front of me, there was a yellow horse!? I thought, 'Horses aren't yellow... What the hell is going on?' and I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. Then I heard it speak. "Well, um... Yes, this is... it basically." It had such a subtle voice. So calming. But... but the point was it was talking! Something else spoke, "It looks... Almost like... A pale... Bigger... Less scaly... Not dragon-y... Spike, really." As I pondered what a "Spike" was, I opened my eyes. The yellow horse drew back and made an "eep" sound. I sat in my desert camo clothing and just stared in confusion. I saw 6 horses, all of different colors. One even with a rainbow mane!
The yellow horse was hiding behind a thick tree. I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out. Then it occurred to me that when I hit my chest, I must have damaged my lungs. I looked where I landed and saw.. Great. A big ol' rock. I coughed and felt something blocking my windpipe. Not choking me, but preventing speech. I looked out at the crowd of few and tried to show with symbols how I fell and landed on that rock. An orange one spoke. "I think it's trying to say that it fell, and got the wind knocked outta it..." A pink one jumped up and gasped "APPLEJACK! You can read minds!? That's super-awesome!" Then she... it... th- the pink one turned to me and said, enunciating and exaggerating every syllable, "Caan yoouu taaalk liiiike mee?" I nodded. I pointed at my throat and frowned.
The rainbowed one came over to me. "It's got somethin' in its pipe!" She promptly whacked me on the back. I coughed up a pebble and breathed deeply before turning to the cyan/rainbow pony and said, "Well, this 'it' has a name you know." She seemed surprised I spoke just like any others of her kind would. Then again, I was the same way just about 20 seconds ago. She blushed "oh, hehe, sorry. What uh.. is your name? You sound like a guy so... I don't think I need an answer for that." Nervous chatter. My father was a psychiatrist, so I almost knew what that meant. "Uh... Jackson... They call me Jackson... Uh, what about you?"
"I'm Rainbow Dash. These are my friends."
One by one, the horses raised their a hoof and introduced me to them. The orange one spoke with a cowgirl-esque accent, "Howdy, I'm Applejack." The pink one ran over, "Hello! I'm Pinkie Pie! You look weird but cool at the same time! I know we're just gonna be the BEST of friends!" Rainbow, still standing by me, slowly pushed the pink one away with a short scolding, "Pinkie, calm down. Don't wanna scare him or anything." She turned back to me, "Sorry... She just... Is hyper. Really... Really.... Hyper... And the fact that she lives in a bakery called "Sugarcube Corner" doesn't help, if you get what I mean." I laughed it off with a, "Really, it's okay." The purple one gave quite the formal greeting. "Hello. I'm Twilight Sparkle. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance." I looked back to the tree where the yellow one that had found me was hiding. She slowly came out and in an ever-so-quiet voice said, "hi, i... im fluttershy..." Applejack interrupted, "Her name's Fluttershy, but she's too darn quiet to let anypony know." Anypony?
So they were ponies. This was a dream, I was sure of it. This... Just is impossible. Plain as day, old fashioned IMPOSSIBLE. I thought for a second to myself, 'I'm gonna need to change my lingo to fit in...' I figured, 'Why not test it out now?' I looked at Fluttershy and said, "Don't worry. I won't hurt anypony, I'm not like that. No reason to be scared." Fluttershy walked closer and said, "H... Hi.. I'm sorry. I just. I don't talk a lot." I thought to myself, 'I guess I used it correctly. This isn't that hard.' By now, I knew this was real, which made things easier to believe, yet harder to understand.
The last pony came up. She was white, and her mane notably more stylish than the others, but who was I to blatently SAY that? Either way, she came up broadly, and held up her hoof towards me. She spoke with a rather snooty yet calm queen's English accent, "Well, hello darling. I'm Rarity. Charmed, I'm sure."
"Certainly." I replied.
I could tell this was gonna to be quite the unusual day.
The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much
Jackson's Journal: Entry 2
Chapter 9: Jackson's Journal: Entry 2
To kind of quote a classic: (that the princess probably knows about by now.) *gasp* Here goooes- I read, I revengenced -not too closely- I failed to yield at a crosstalk, I changed the game without signaling while they were blushing a bright red and my mind was speediiiiiiiiing! Whatever... Anyway, I can't get over the princesses comment to me. "Yeah, you've still got it." Hot diggedy damn... The Mr. Bean face is fading in all too clearly. Jackson, get your mind outta the gutter. A pony princess flirted with you, a pegasus cuddled with you, what's next? The unicorn is gonna want to- ... Said it once... I'll say it again. Mind. Out. Of. Gutter. It's all kinds of dirty in that gutter of mine. They are animals, Jack. Animals! They're nice, but... I dunno. This is gonna be hard. On them, not me! Don't go thinking that! How old are they, even? From their maturity... I wanna say... early twenties. I hope they're around my age. That would make it so much easier to be friends. And only friends. Even if this is on my mind... The Rainbow one is my favorite. That's all for now, bye bye, journal!
(A/N Sorry for such a short chapter. I might make it up, might not. I'm probably writing you read this. Either that or I'm asleep.. )