Chapters Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Equestria, a place of magic, harmony, and friendship...a place inhabited by talking ponies, griffons, minotaurs, and even dragons!...Oh, and a guy named Anon. Now Anon used to live on the planet Earth working as a comic writer, but one day the gods above were bored out of their minds so they plucked little Anon off the face of the Earth (via. a lightning strike right to his jimmies, which he might like to add "hurt like hell") and was dropped into the Everfree Forest to die or miraculously live. Thankfully he was saved by one of the cutest creatures he had ever seen, a small pegasus commonly known as Fluttershy and for good reason.
She was just so freakin' shy! Seriously, it took all of his will just to resist hugging the butterflies off her butt! Sadly, at the risk of giving her a panic attack, Anon decided it would be best not to hug the fluffy yellow pony of heart wrenching cuteness. Hell, who could blame him? Who in god's green earth would turn down a hug from Fluttershy? Yeah, that alone is a scary thought but try resisting to hug her for her own health, I personally wouldn't last a week but that's just me being me.
Now back the story at hoof, Anon was healed of his cuts, bruises, and... certain burns by the kind pony while he slept. Naturally like any other gentleman he thanked her for her kindness which resulted in her being spooked by the human being able to talk. She dashed out of the room with a short yelp, hiding behind the corner and poking her head out cautiously. Now it took a bit of the ol' Anon charm and some finesse but he got the pegasus to come back in and stop shaking, afterwards he introduced himself to her as Anon and began asking important questions such as 'where am I' and 'who are you'. She introduced herself as Fluttershy saying she found him in that death trap known as the Everfree Forest and that he was in Equestria; a place inhabited by sentient ponies, griffion, and other species besides humans. Anon assumed he was either dead from his testicles being struck by lightning OR he was struck by the lightning then sent to this new world, either way he knew he wasn't in Detroit anymore because Detroit didn't have pegasi. Anon asked Fluttershy if she knew someone who could help him get back home, Fluttershy told him to go find another pony named Twilight Sparkle saying she may be able to help him but chances were slim at best. After a quick thanks Anon set out on his journey to find the pony and get some answers!
Fluttershy packed him a lunch, map, even a few gold coins that were the planet's currency! Bless that pony's kind, fragile heart and may her offerings bring good luck to Anon as he departed for his new life. More than likely he'll probably need it after what he endured just to get here. Anon waved goodbye and took one last look at the name on the paper he was given before he departed. "Twilight, eh? Map says she lives in this 'Ponyville' place."
Anon followed the dirt road and ended up in a small town as Fluttershy's note had mentioned before, but there was a small problem, the entire town was deserted and void of any form of life besides the sole tumbleweed that gently passed by Anon and he wasn't even sure tumbleweed was a living species of plant. The quiet was murder on his paranoia, the silence brought tension and tension brought out the little four year old girl inside Anon who only comes out when he get's scared shitless. Anon tilted his fedora down in an effort to conceal his face and then straightened the tie on his slim black tux in a sophisticated manner, he got the feeling he wasn't alone and the last thing he wanted to show his observers was fear, for fear showed weakness and weakness showed... well, weakness.
"Okay Anon, get a grip on yourself. They're just ponies... Yeah, just a bunch of otherworldly ponies who-"
"Hello?"
"OH SHIT!"
Anon took off at impressive speeds screaming out an array of colorful sailor words, he didn't care who or what it was that greeted him he just followed the instincts that kept him alive back on Earth which were run like hell or get mugged by alley criminals. As he was running while screaming like a frightened little child he never bothered to look directly in front of him to notice the hanging metal sign. Of course by the laws of comedy he smacked into the metal obstacle face first with a loud 'ding' and fell on his ass with little Princess Lunas circling his head.
"Oh my gosh, are you alright!?"
Anon sat up swaying from left to right, with his nose leaking a little blood he opened his mouth to speak. "Did anybody get the license plate on that refrigerator?"
Anon then fell on his back, out like a light bulb. The last thing he saw before he passed out was a purple face looking down on him.
(Twilight's POV.)
Twilight was out in the market place to pick up some supplies she needed for a project she was currently working on. Strangely the market place, or anypony for that matter, was not present in the town plaza. "Where the hay did everypony go? It hasn't been this quiet since Zecora first visited town. In fact...-" Twilight had confirmed her suspicions when she saw a tall creature wandering the town, just as confused as she was. It wore a suit and had on a fedora, so the fact that it wore clothing proved the creature at least had a sentient brain."-just as I predicted. Well, I guess a simple greeting should break the ice but... what is it suppose to be?"
The closest species that resembled the creature was a Diamond Dog but it couldn't be a Diamond Dog, they always traveled in packs and they rarely left their mine shafts in fear of somepony stealing their gems. Twilight decided to interact with the mysterious creature and ever so slowly advanced on it, sure it may have not been the smartest thing to do but Twilight was confident she could restrain it if it became hostile. She eventually tip-toed her way behind it and quietly readied a paralyzing spell in case she startles it by accident.
"Hello?"
"OH SHIT!"
The creature shouted and started running while spewing out an array of curse words, Twilight followed in pursuit. "Wait, stop! Was it something I said? Oh no, look out for that-"
'Ding!'
The thing hit a hanging sign and fell on it's back, causing Twilight to cringe at the sound of skull hitting metal. "Oooo, That's gonna leave a mark... I mean oh my gosh, are you alright!?"
The creature sat up with a bloody nose and a sizable goose egg on it's forehead, it spoke to her in what was coincidentally perfect equish not counting the strange way it spoke. "Did anyone get the license plate on that refrigerator?"
"License plate? What's a license plate and what does that have to do with a refrigerator?"
Before any more questions could be asked the creature passed out, as Twilight was checking the creature's vitals to make sure it was still alive other ponies started to peak out from their houses in curiosity, some even had the balls to step out of their homes to look at the creature from a safe distance.
"Oh, thank Celestia it's alive. But that's quite a nasty bump, and his nose might be broken too," Twilight said to nopony in particular, which signaled Rainbow Dash to 'dash' over to her and the K.O.'d creature.
"Wow Egghead, didn't know you had it in ya!"
"I didn't knock him out Rainbow Dash, he... knocked himself out by accident. Well at least I think it's a 'he' but-"
"Uh, I'd hate to interrupt our biology lesson professor but We better get this thing to a doctor before it wakes up," Rainbow Dash said pointing at the bloody trail that was now hardening across the creature's face. Twilight lifted the thing up in her telekinetic aura, not even breaking a sweat.
"Good point, let's get him or her to the hospital before he bleeds out."
Author's Note
Personally I think there should be an 'Anon' Character tag but that's just my opinion, what I should be doing is prepping the flame shields that shall protect me from the onslaught of trolls!
Flame shields are at maximum capacity, you trolls better be ready cause I'm a grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody ending! (Anyone get the reference?)
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Of Doctors and Funny Farms.
Anon had woken up in a white room strapped down by leather straps in a hospital bed. He assumed he had dreamed the entire incident and that he was back in Detroit.
"Well Anon ol' buddy ol' pal, guess it was just a dream... Hm, by the looks of it I've been strapped down to a hospital bed by who I would assume to be the Mafia and now I await a torturous, painful death by a few of the head's lackeys. Sweet Jesus above I friggin' HATE Detroit... Hell, that Fluttershy girl was nice, shame that she was simply a figment of my imagination. Didn't even get a chance to hug the little thing, Oh Dammit Anon shut up, talking like that get's you shot... Geez, what's taking them so long, my leg's are getting stiff." Anon shifted into a more comfortable position, impatiently tapping his index finger on the bed. He decided to shout to anyone nearby to get things in motion. "Hey knuckleheads! what's the hold up, you out there?"
"Please give me a moment sir!" The new voice said to Anon, and true to her word she entered through the door after a short moment.
She was a pony. "Good evening... Sir?"
"Yes I am a male, and why am I strapped down here like a psychopath?"
"I am terribly sorry sir but we were just being cautious, we have no idea who or more specifically what you are so in fear of you eating us we tied you down in case you were... Well, you know," The nurse pony seemed nice if a bit hot headed, but calling her 'knucklehead' probably wasn't making her day any brighter. Anon decided to speak up despite the situation of him being labeled to the ranks of a wild animal.
"Sooo... Mind untying my bonds?"
"I still don't know if your hostile, sir. How do I know your not trying to trick me?"
"Um, Pinky promise?"
The nurse looked at Anon like he'd just turned orange, with shock and utter disbelief. "How do know about the Pinkie Promise?
"Yeah! How do you know about a Pinkie Promise buster?" A pink pony with a mess of curly dark pink hair and large suspicion-filled blue eyes joined the conversation by poking her head through a very small crack in the window. When Anon saw the impossible act he had to blink his eyes a few times to make sure she was real.
"How the hell are you doing that!?"
"Doing what?"
The pink pony smiled and blinked a few times in an effort to feign innocence or, more than likely not, she was actually blinking in genuine innocence. Whatever her game was Anon didn't feel like playing, especially with a Fruitcake like her. "You know what? Screw it, I can already tell this place is gonna give me a few therapy sessions in the future so I'll just go with it."
"Oh c'mon Anny, that's no fun for the readers!"
"Readers? Look I'm not sure if your a patient here in the psychiatric wing or your hallucinating from the lack of blood going through your neck but I sure as hell don't see any-"
"Hi readers! I'm Pinkie Pie the superest, bestest party pony in all of Ponyville! Sorry I can't throw you guys and gals a party since my inter-dimensional doo-hickey's been on the fritz for a while now-" in the background you could see Anon slip his arm out of his restrains and tap the nurse's shoulder, Anon pointed at his head with his index finger and made circles giving her the universal signal for 'that person's crazy', she simply rolled her eyes as if this wasn't the first time she's had to deal with this. "-but that's not why I have your attention, I need your help readers. Use your godly power to help me make Anon smile, can you help me do that?"
Shortly after this 'Pinkie Pie' nut-job was done chatting with whoever these 'readers' were a muffled buzzing could be heard, Pinkie pulled a walkie-talkie from her mane and held it up to her ear then a voice came from the speaker. "Stay frosty Football Bat, we gotta Helo five klicks from here with a toy box, over."
"Thanks Rotorhead, so how's that latrine queen doin'?"
"You mean that newbie? He's probably up to his knees in officer's candy, hell rumor's been going around sayin' the higher ups've sent him to find a left-handed monkey wrench for shits and giggles!"
"Hah! Poor rookie, well take it easy on him Rotorhead, Football Bat over n' out!"
"Ten four, Football Bat," The speakers shut down, then moments later a large box plummeted through the ceiling spreading drywall throughout the room. The lid slowly opened up but once it was fully open nothing happened, until a spring-loaded pie shot out and hit Anon in the face, smearing blueberry mush and pie crust all over his face and chest. Yep, Anon could already tell he would need more than just a few therapy sessions once he got out of this funny farm. He could even see the remorse in the nurse pony's eyes along with lots of confusion. Pinkie, now out of her window crack, climbed up and sat on Anon's chest. She simply stared at him with a small smile on her face like that of a curious child, she eventually spoke to the disturbed Anon while keeping eye contact unbroken and unintentionally unnerving.
"How ya doin'?"
"Um... Good, I guess?"
Pinkie continued to stare at Anon without saying another word, so he spoke to Pinkie this time "Sooo... Didn't you say something about a Pinky Promise?"
"Hmm... Oh yeah, I almost forgot!"
Pinkie then recited a cute little tune that activated the forbidden ritual 'Cross my heart, hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye' while preforming the appropriate actions to match the song. Anon just laid there with a strange look. "That's not a Pinky promise."
"Yes it is, silly Anny. Now repeat that song and promise not to eat her!"
"No, I'm pretty sure a pinky promise involves the pinky finger in some way," Anon held up his hand and wiggled the smallest finger out of the four, leaving out the thumb because it's not a finger. Pinkie stared in awe at the small appendage as it flexed and moved on it's own.
"Oooh, I see,-" Pinkie poked Anon's Pinky finger with her hoof, a bit of hesitation on preforming the action "-you meant pinky with a 'y' instead of an 'ie', my mistake."
Pinkie suddenly froze up for a moment, which honestly scared Anon even more so than her crazy antics. Then with the sheer speed of a bullet train she rushed out the door leaving a dust cloud that matched her shape. If Anon had any sort of reason left in him after that crazy encounter it was all taken by pinkie logic and repeatedly beaten up in a parking lot, so while reason was recovering in the little metaphorical hospital inside Anon's head the brain simply gave orders to just roll with it.
"Can you unbind me, now?"
The nurse removed the straps from Anon without saying a word, he sat up and rubbed the strap marks waiting for his blood to flow back through his legs.
"Thanks doc, so how did I end up here anyway?"
"The librarian Twilight Sparkle brought you here after you knocked yourself out, you didn't hurt yourself too badly since the worst thing you got was a nasty bump on the head. You can leave anytime you want, now if you'll excuse me sir." The nurse brought Anon's clothes to him and stepped out , not to give him privacy but rather because she had a job to do. He locked the door and changed out of the hospital gown, or as he called them the sick man's assless chaps, and put on his suit and fedora. A thought had entered his mind questioning why pony hospitals actually had a gown his size considering the average pony only measured up to his waist, but his mind simply disregarded the thought because this world brought up enough questions as it is. Once he was dresses he thought about how he was gonna find this Twilight pony, well what better way than to ask around?
If anyone were around of course, since the streets were yet again void of ponies.
"Geez, if I didn't know any better I'd assume this town was abandon," The only clue Anon had to finding the pony in question was that she was a librarian, so obviously he had to find a library!
"Let me just take out my handy dandy map here aaaand... oh, it's actually close by." Anon followed the map and came to the doorstep of a large tree, with a sign reading 'Golden Oaks Library' next to the door. Anon knocked on the door and a purple pony answered his call. Her face had an astonished look since she was met by Anon's groin so naturally she looked up with that same face.
"C-can I help you?"
"Hello, I'm looking for a Twilight Sparkle? A pony named Fluttershy told me to come to you saying you could get me home." The pony gave Anon a surprised look and hesitantly invited him in, Anon guesses she knew Fluttershy so if Anon knew Fluttershy than he was cool with Twilight.
"So where are you from, sir?"
"Well, it's quite a story," Anon told her of how he got here and all the chaos that followed up until now, even the bits with Pinkie were mentioned in high detail. As Anon finished up, Twilight had started writing a note using her magic.
"You arrived because you were struck by lightning, are you sure you didn't just hit your head really hard?"
"Twilight as much as I'd like that to be true I'm afraid I'd be lying if I said I just hit my head, so can you help me?
"Well I can't help, but I know somepony who might be able to. Spike!"
A large lizard ran into the room which Anon assumed to be this Spike fellow. He took the note and breathed green flames igniting the paper. The ashes turned into dust and flew out the window, reminding Anon of the smoke coming from the occasional crack house he'd pass by while in Detroit... God he hated Detroit.
"Oh, um if wouldn't mind Mr. Anonymous-"
"Please Twilight, call me Anon." He politely interrupted.
"Anon, if you wouldn't mind could I peer into your subconscious? It's just so I can get a look at your previous life and where your from-"
"Sure."
"-but I understand if-wait what?"
"Go ahead Twilight, I got nothing to hide. Just watch where you look, my world is different from yours." Anon warned her with a serious face, and for more than an acceptable reason. I mean really, he lived in Detroit! That's the last place you would take a pony, even glue factories are a more suitable place for colorful ponies than Detroit! So with caution Twilight's horn started to glow a soft purple and she entered his mind, her eyes glowing white signaling her magic was in effect. It was a good five minutes before the glow receded and as soon as it did her face showed a look of utter shock, like she just looked into a back alley in Detroit... oh wait, that's exactly what she looked into but with more!
"How do you live there? I've never seen a place so... so horrid!"
"Um, yeah I know it's horrible but it's not THAT bad."
"Sorry Anon, it's just... well who would ever want to live in such a crime-filled city?"
Anon had thought about that a bit and she actually made a very valid point, why would he want to go back to getting mugged every other week when the gods above are giving him a chance for a better life here in pony land? "Your right, Twilight. Why would I want to go back to that crap hole? I could definitely get used to living here but this town's populous is sort of low, almost desolate."
Twilight looked up at Anon questioningly. "Desolate? Oh, this again. Don't worry Anon they're just new to you. Anyways, I sent a message to our princess and hopefully she replies back to me soon. It's getting late though, do you have a place to stay overnight?"
"Nah, unless you wouldn't mind housing a poor little human for the night?"
Twilight giggled at Anon's little begging bit and levitated a pillow and blanket to him. "I got a spare bed in the basement or you can sleep on the couch, which ever feels comfortable for you."
"Heh, thanks Twi. Good night then, " Anon tried the less ominous couch option first and found it comfy enough to catch some Z's, and catch Z's he did as he sailed through the world of dreams...
Author's Note
Sorry Detroit, I couldn't help myself. To any of you bronies in Detroit please find it in your hearts to forgive an idiot like myself, I know your city isn't a crime infested train wreck... well, I hope not at least. One last thing, you probably noticed this chapter came out somewhat quick right? Well consider it a gift to all you beautiful bronies from yours truly, but don't expect the others to come out as soon as this one did, I plan on one chapter per week at least... roughly once per week.
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Anon was in the Bahamas, lying on a lounge chair with the sun reflecting off his swag shades and the only sounds being the distant crashes of waves. Anon had the entire beach to himself, not a single cloud in the light blue skies or a bunch of little ponies to annoy him to no end. Yep, this was HIS time to relax, and soak in the sun's rays while sipping on one of those fancy cocoanut cups filled with red kool aid with one of those little umbrellas sitting in the beverage to keep the drink cool from the heat of the sun.
"Ah... This is the life Anon, just you and this little slice of heaven, all for you to enjoy..."
"On the contrary, my little human..."
Anon looked over to who ever was obviously planning to ruin his day and lowered his shades to get a better look at the bastard or bitch. She was an alicorn with a pitch black pelt and a mane and tail that literally shimmered with stardust, actual stars twinkled in her gaseous mane and tail like the night sky.
"Do you know who I am, little mortal?"
"No, don't care, now fuck off."
Anon raised his shades back up and turned his head back toward the ocean, obviously not giving a flying fuck about who she was. This infuriated her.
"How dare you talk to me that way! I am fear, I am the very night itself!"
"Your an annoying bitch who can't learn how to take a hint, now get lost," Anon flipped her the bird and continued not giving a shit, pissing off the pony even more than before!
"Learn your place, mortal! "
The demon pony's voice shook the very terrain, causing Anon to spill his kool aid all over his favorite shorts. "Okay now I'm pissed."
Anon got up from his lounge chair and jerked his muscles, they instantly turned into biceps and a steel hard six-pack. Anon then gave her a taste of his pimp hand, back-handing the mare so hard it knocked her off of her feet and sent her to the sandy ground in slow motion while the song 'mmm whatcha say' by Jason Derulo played in the background as she slowly descended.
"You better learn to back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up!"
"...You...You DARE touch the form of the all powerful Nightmare Moon!?"
Anon's muscular form had receded, turning his arms and abs to normal. Anon then laid back down in his chair, and refilled his cocoanut and... actually poored one for Nightmare Moon and handed it to her. Her telekinetic grip slowly took the item from Anon's hand.
"Listen pumpkin, do you know where we are?"
"Um... a beach?"
"Close, but no dice. See this is my dream world, I should know because first of all Lady Luck would NEVER grant me such a world all for myself. Now question two, who are you?"
The alicorn sat down and put a hoof to her barrel, then bowing to Anon. "I, my little human, am the all powerful and greatly feared incarnation of the night, Nightmare Moon."
"BZZZT! Wrongo, now try again." Anon said.
"W-what!? You do not believe me?"
"Would you like to buy a vowel?"
"Vowel? I'm fairly certain you cannot buy words... then again I did buy a lot of words from those diplomats from a thousand years back... Wait, don't change the subject!"
Anon frowned at her. "Party pooper."
"Now where was I... Ah yes, I am Nightmare Moon, the incarnate of night and ruler of shadow. My goals were to create eternal night throughout Equestria but my attempts were thwarted by-"
"Save the monologue, Queenie. Just tell me why the hell your ruining my lucid dream," Anon rudely interrupted. Nightmare Moon's expression didn't change and she simply shrugged at Anon.
"Straight to the point then? Fine, I've come to take your body to use for my own personal use." Nightmare Moon explained.
There was a short pause, then Anon began chuckling. "Ehehe, your reeeal funny there Queenie,-" Anon slowly started to levitate off of his chair, his smile turned into a small frown and his eyes pierced Nightmare Moon's being, staring into her very soul regardless of Anon's shades hiding them. "-but I think your in way over your head, simply look at the situation your in. Your in a lucid dream, that's when the dreamer knows he's dreaming."
"What's your point, human?"
Anon's smile returned but it wasn't a funny smile, it's the smirk you get when you know your gonna win without a doubt "Your in MY lucid dream, it's practically my own personal world where I rule over everything! In here, I'm a god while your just a little horse who's bitten off WAY more than she can chew."
Anon snapped his fingers and he instantly vanished, he was no where to be scene. Nightmare was a little worried but she still kept her demeanor and called Anon out. "You think you could frighten me? I am fear! One does not simply-"
"Frighten fear itself?" Anon was right behind Nightmare Moon as he finished her sentence, leaning forward so his face was visible to her from the side. He added to the creepiness by running his fingers across her neck and chin. "My confident little pony, I'm not here to frighten you..." Anon snapped his fingers and this time the hand under Nightmare's chin morphed into a very rugged edged sword, it hugged her neck threatening to slit it on the spot. Anon then spoke up again but with venom laced words. "I'm simply going to exterminate you... like glass, one strike and you'll be everywhere at once."
Then there was silence...
"Pffthahaha! Oh my god, you shoulda seen the look on your face! It was all like 'oh shit, he's really gonna kill me ' Ahahaha, oh man that was some grade A funny shit." Anon was currently laughing at Nightmare Moon's blushing, confused form. She was completely thrown off gaurd by this sudden change of pace and immediately went to furious while Anon was still laughing at her.
"Enough of these games you hairless ape! I command you to submit to me or I'll take you by force!"
"Oooo, I'm so scared! Whataya gonna do, cuttle me to death-ahahaha!"
"Grrr, ENOUGH!"
The entire earth shook at Nightmare's sudden change in volume, even catching Anon's attention. She stomped up to Anon and held him in her starry mane by his neck. "I've dealt with things that weren't NEARLY as weak and pathetic as a bald primate like you! Yet you continue to pluck at my nerves like they're your own private lyre. Well news flash you stupid monkey, that was the final straw!"
Anon hung there in silence, then began to chuckle.
"What, you find it amusing to anger me-Aaaaah... Ohoho, myyy... "
Anon reached behind her ear and began to scratch, Nightmare shivered and fell to her belly with a stupid grin on her face. "About time you grew some ovaries, Queenie. I was afraid you were all bark and no bite!"
"Ohohoho...That feels so gooood... N-no! I won't fall victim to- Oh yes, right there... "
Nightmare Moon was in pure bliss, falling victim to the unbearable powers of human fingers like every other animal that's fallen victim to such tools of manipulation. As if it couldn't get any better, Anon rolls her over onto her back and begins to scratch the area between the lowest part of her barrel and the highest part of her belly, that's when her leg began to kick the air on it's own and her smile went full on stupid. "Aaahahaha, T-those fingers... even my magic can't scratch this goooood. "
Anon stopped his scratching much to Nightmare Moon's hidden displeasure. "Are you ready to stop being so rude to me, or do I have to tickle you?"
"Tickle? What are you...," Nightmare Moon looked at Anon's fingers, then she slowly put the pieces together in her head. If human fingers brought such relief to a pony's itch spots she couldn't imagine what they could do to bring discomfort, so she vigorously nodded knowing better than to call Anon's bluff.
"Good! Then let's begin," Anon snapped his fingers and the world he oh so enjoyed literally shattered like glass, collapsing in on itself and leaving behind a void of pitch black nothingness.
"Where are we, human?"
"Oops, my mistake, forgot to turn on the lights," Anon clapped his hands twice, nothing happened for a few moments until a small glimmer of light could be seen rising up from the distance. It was a sun, Anon was making the sun rise on his own will alone, regardless of whether or not your dreaming that's an impressive achievment! The sun was just about to reach it's peak position when it suddenly stopped, then it quickly moved back to the ground but stopped half way giving the sky a cloudless hue of light blue. "Perfect! Now for everything else," Anon snapped his fingers and a light green orb of what Nightmare Moon guessed to be raw energy formed in Anon's open palm, he crushed it in his hand and a green shock-wave ring spread over the area and into the endless void, the force of the wave brought a gentle warmth to anyone hit by it including Nightmare Moon. "Blossom," like an arch of lightning a light green beam of energy struck the ground between the two, causing another ring to spread across the terrain. As it expanded outward it constantly shed a flurry of pink petals and the once nonexistent floor transformed into lush green grass as the wave past by. Once the wave hit Nightmare she was overwhelmed by the onslaught of petals and fell on her ass trying to cover her eyes. When she opened her eyes again she was now in a field of grass that seemed to go on forever, it also had a gentle wind that blew now and again that swayed the grass ever so gently. Anon gestured Nightmare Moon over to him then snapped his fingers once again, this time a small table rose from the grass with a tea kettle and two bowls of soba. "Alright Miss Nightmare Moon, let's begin with your story, shall we?"
(Twilight's POV)
Twilight had woken up a while ago but for an odd reason Anon wouldn't awaken. She tried spells, loud noises, even Spike used his claws to try to poke him awake but it was futile. After a while he started to give off an ominous aura, which scared Twilight a good bit. However she knew that the princess was going to arrive today, so it was only a matter of time before he would wake up. "Hang on Anon, help will arrive soon."
(Anon's dream)
"Ahaha, n-no more human, I can't take it-Ahahaha!"
"Hang on, I got another one. So we humans have these things called planes," Anon pointed at the sky and a small airport plane hovered over his finger "We use them for transportation across the sky."
Nightmare observed the large machine, it kinda reminded her of a bird. "I see, continue."
Anon starts his story with Nightmare Moon's word. "Kay, so I'm flying in one of these things to visit my father in a place called Ohio, once we were all seated the pilot greets the passengers and gives them the estimated flight time from point A to B. The guy forgets to turn off the intercom and says, and I quote 'Man, what I wouldn't do for a cup of coffee and a blowjob right now.' "
"Wait human, What is a blowjob?" Anon leaned into Nightmare Moon's ear and whispered an explanation, she blushed and then giggled as she realized how it played in Anon's story. "Oh, you humans are quite creative,"
"Hang on Nightmare, it get's worse. So after the good laughs me and the passengers had I see a flight attendant rush to the cockpit, which is where the pilot flies the plane, so she could inform the pilot that he's made a complete jackass of himself. Before she enters I flag her down and say 'Ma'am,you forgot the pilot's coffee!' "
"Pffhahahaha, oh you are a clever little monkey Anon." Nightmare Moon said in a happy voice she'd never brought up before.
"Yeah, wanna know the worst part though? They STILL forgot to turn off the intercom!"
Nightmare Moon gave him a questioning look "Yeah, so what?
"You ever heard really messed-up airplane sex through an intercom for two hours straight? I guarantee you there wasn't a single straight face that entire flight including my own!"
Nightmare Moon's face lit up like a Christmas tree, and the suppressed smile was really adorable on the mare. "A-Anon, ghk Y-you really souldn't talk to a lady like tha-Ahahaha I-I can't breath! I can't- Ahahaha!"
"Geez Nightmare, calm down! It wasn't that funny you know," Anon said in surprise.
Nightmare Moon recovered from the laughing fit and flicked a tear from her eye. "Whew, i have not laughed like that since I was a filly! I misjudged you Anon, I thought you were just another one of Celestia's flank-kissers but it takes real guts to act like a complete idiot then threaten to kill me in a span of five minutes... Your alright human, much more entertaining than those sun loving ponies."
"Thanks Nightmare, your not to bad yourself... Say, didn't you want my body for yourself?"
"I have no interest in stealing your body human, I wouldn't wanna kill something like you." Nightmare Moon said in genuine honesty.
"Well... couldn't we share my body? You know, two souls inhabit a single vessel?"
"You would... do that for me human?"
"Hey, What are friends for?"
A single tear slithered down Nightmare Moon's cheek, then a small smile formed on her face. "Friend?... I've... never had a friend before."
"Well, you do now Nightmare." Anon held out a hand for Nightmare Moon, accepted Anon's gesture and shook his hand starting a long living friendship.
(Twilight's POV)
"This is Anonymous the human, Princess Celestia. Normally he doesn't sleep for fourteen hours straight and this strange aura has been leaking from his body, can you help him?"
The princess was silent for a moment, then she spoke. "I'm afraid... I cannot help this one you call Anonymous. This aura is indeed far from normal, it is the same aura that corrupted my sister long ago... Anonymous must settle this in his mind, and we may never know when he will wake up or if he will awaken at all. I know this is a lot to take in but-"
The ominous aura receded and Anon woke up. He slowly sat up and then trudged to the coffee maker, which surprised Anon since a place that lacks printers has already invented coffee makers. Once his miracle elixir was made he was ready to wonder why an over-sized white unicorn-pegasus hybrid was in his sleeping quarters. "Uh, who are you?"
"I am Princess Celestia, and you must be the alien my student wrote about. Since you are awake I can only assume you defeated that evil entity known as Nightmare Moon without trouble, right?"
"Defeat? Not exactly, Princess. We sorta came to a truce over a nice bowl of soba and some good jokes," Anon explained while sipping his coffee.
"You... didn't defeat her?"
"We decided to share my body and be friends, if I'm correct she's currently NOT looking through my deepest memories."
"Aww, your no fun Anon. "
"Hey, I got some private stuff locked up in there!"
"Anon? Who are you talking to?"
"Nightmare Moon. I told you she shares my body now didn't I?"
Nightmare Moon spoke up again in a sarcastic voice inside Anon's head."Anon sweetie, could you stop talking to the voice inside your head with your outside voice? You'll look crazy if you don't talk with your mind. "
"Sorry honey, I'll try not to make an idiot out of ourselves. " Anon retorted in his head.
Celestia broke the silence. "So Anon, would you like to tell me the story of how you arrived here?"
"Nah." Anon walked out the door, ignoring the large mass of curious ponies outside the library."I'll be visiting Fluttershy if you need my Twilight!"
Author's Note
Sorry this one took a bit longer than planned, but here it is! Welp, I'll see you guys and gals next time on... Anon's Adventures in Ponyland!
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
The First Night of Many Others to Come.
"No, Twilight." Anon said in an annoyed tone.
"How about nausia, do you feel light headed?"
"No." Anon said again.
"Well what about-"
"Twilight!... Please, give it a rest okay?"
Anon had to rub his temples to calm himself down before he did something he would regret. Sure Anon understands the precautions but humans have their limits, and Anon's breaking point is anywhere past bed time. "Twilight, nothing has changed since Nightmare inhabited my body. But as soon as I notice something is wrong with my body I'll let you know, now can I please go back to bed?"
Twilight thankfully knew when she wasn't wanted and nodded, she teleported somewhere else but right now Anon didn't give a flying stick of butter where she was, as long as she was out of his hair he could sleep soundly. "Geez, can't a human get some privacy in his own... Oh right, this is Fluttershy's couch..."
"Speaking of privacy Anon, when will you get your own house anyway? "
"Gimme some credit Nightmare, at least we got a roof over our heads right? "
"Anon the only reason I'm not going to curse you with a nightmare tonight is because your past memories touched my, or I should say our, heart. I'm going to cut you some slack, but do not abuse this act of generosi- "
"Yeah yeah yeah, blah blah mother-bucking BLAH! Can I go to sleep now, mother dearest? "
"Alright Anon, now your just asking for trouble. " Nightmare tried to keep her composure but her voice had slipped up a few times, yes she was angry but Anon loved playing with his enemies regardless of their power. Also if you were wondering, yes this habit has gotten his ass thoroughly and/or repeatedly kicked on more than one occasion.
"You know you love me for it, Nightmare. Now get your demonic ass in my dream so we may do battle! "
"You? Challenge the great and beautiful Nightmare Moon to gladiatorial combat? While I admit your bravery is quite admirable for a mortal your chances of winning are almost nonexistent, " Nightmare Moon said with a cocky tone, which caused Anon to smirk.
"Hey Nightmare, save the celebrations for after I win. Besides, who said we were doing that kind of battle? "
Anon then fell asleep and met up with Nightmare, when he looked at her an 8-bit battle theme started up and the area literally went black. When the darkness lifted there stood an 8-bit Anon on a platform across from her, a text box appeared over Anon's head.
'Ace Trainer Anon would like to battle! '
Nightmare took a good look at herself, she wasn't just 8-bit like Anon but was also a human! Sure a human with pitch black skin, long flowing indigo hair, wings, a unicorn horn, and an inflated chest which she could only assume was at normal size but a human nonetheless, and like a human she wore clothing which consisted of a long flowing dress fit for a ruler, it was the same texture as her hair which was a deep indigo with what looked like countless stars twinkling in the fabric. Anon's text box deleted the old text with new text.
'Ace trainer Anon sent out Shuckle! '
Anon threw a strange red and white ball and a creature came out of it in a flash of light, Nightmare Moon had to hold back her laughter at the sight of it. It appeared to be a worm creature inhabiting a shell made from stone, it lacked any kind of intimidation and even some would call it cute but all in all it looked absolutely pathetic.
'PkMn Trainer Nightmare sent out Crawdaunt! '
A large lobster-shaped creature was summoned by Nightmare's ball, it snapped it's large pincers at Shuckle causing it to flinch. Crawdaunt was at least more impressive than Shuckle at first glance but Nightmare learned that looks can be deceiving when she was defeated be the elements of harmony a few months back. "Keep your guard up my aquatic pet, this one may hold a few secrets."
Crawdaunt nodded and snapped it's pincers to get it's competitive blood heated, then Shuckle's shell ejected four lanky tentacle-like appendages that weakly slapped the ground in unimpressive fury. Surely this would be a battle of the ages if it wasn't so one sided.
(Elsewhere)
Princess Luna was quietly thinking to herself about what her sister said about this 'human' creature that's caused such an outrage, and about what was currently inhabiting it's body. "Sister said not to worry about Nightmare Moon but... I just need to make sure." Luna used her dream walking spell and entered the dream of the human. She raised a brow in confusion upon viewing the subconscious battle going on in the human's head. "What in the name of sister's sun?"
In all honesty she expected the human to be in chains while being constantly tortured by Nightmare Moon, but instead they were in a digital world commanding strange creatures to battle each other. One was a large lobster that had another creature in a bone-crushing grip, the other creature was currently hiding in it's shell flailing a yellow tentacle around in an effort to slap the lobster's eye. In a way it was kinda cute like a kitten trying to take down a full grown sheep-dog, but as cute as it may be it had very little effect until it actually smacked the lobster's eye. The crustacean recoiled back in pain and lost his grip on the other creature, the creature's little head poked out of one of the shell's craters and shot a strange purple liquid at the lobster.
'Shuckle used Toxic! The opponent Crawdaunt was badly poisoned! '
"By Starswirl's beard, this 'human' is almost as mentally unstable as Discord,-" Luna then pondered on her words for a brief moment, then nodded to herself."-Hmm... I wonder if the forbidden archives have any recordings on these humans, I mean Starswirled's notes DID predict the coming of those dreadful extraterrestrials a thousand-five hundred years ago and getting rid of those pests was a very tedious situation by itself, next to hiding the story from the media of course... Maybe that walking spell-book of an old stallion predicted our friend's arrival as well..." Luna canceled the dream walking spell and made her way to the royal library to search for any records of humans.
(Roughly 45 minutes later)
Believe it or not Starswirled actually had a single book with notes on the humans, though it wasn't much it was certainly informative. "Hmm... Bah, I should've known that stallion was full of hot air. I mean, who would believe that humans rode on giant mechanical birds or played with boxes that had big green X's on them for days upon days without rest? Also, what in Equestria is a 'Japan' and why do they look so cute from this drawing of... I believe it says, chibi? Well I could be wrong with proper pronunciation, but then again human and Equish are practically the same language. Maybe it's a breed of human or possibly a juvenile? I mean from the different drawings here some of these humans seem to be hybrid combinations with different animals such as a cat or dog, so the possibility of different breeds aren't entirely out of the question... The only thing that seems off is this 'Japan' region is the only place that holds them, but this could be a mere coincidence,-" Luna closed the book and levitated it back into the dusty shelves, she exited the forbidden archives and wandered the halls as she thought to herself. "-If I'm going to study further into this I may need some professional help, and if it's for the safety of our citizens then I suppose I should start now," Luna teleported to her bed chambers and activated the dream walking spell to see if any of the sleeping ponies had any leads, sure it was a little unorthodox but after what Nightmare Moon put her through she learned very well never to take things lightly. What was the first lead you ask yourself? Well the human himself of course, and it turns out the two were still battling so it looks like Luna's getting some info and a show!
(Anon's Dream scape)
"Damn it all, I knew this little worm would be trouble," Nightmare moon was in quite a pickle indeed, Anon's Shuckle had already wiped out four of her Pokemon which were her Crawdaunt, Gothitelle, Talonflame, and Dusknoir. She currently had out a Ferrothorn that was thankfully immune to Shuckle's Toxic and Ferrothorn's ability Iron Barbs combined with the strong defense made Shuckle more cautious about attacking it directly.
"Ferrothorn, use spikes!"
The green barb on Ferrothorn's head shot out in an arch, it bursted mid-flight releasing countless little pieces of shrapnel that laced Anon's side of the field. Now it was Anon's turn. "Cute Nightmare, but that's not gonna save you. Shuckle, bind!" Shuckle's arms wrapped around Ferrothorn's left tentacle and squeezed down, Ferrothorn didn't really look hurt by it and the Shuckle was taking more damage from the attack as Iron Barbs took some of it's health. Nightmare deadpanned at Anon. "Really Anon, is that it?"
The Ferrothorn looked down at the Shuckle as if it just now noticed Shuckle was there. Ferrothorn really couldn't make any facial expressions since it only had a pair of eyes but it was questioning to itself if it should simply throw the little pest off it's arm or indulge it out of pity, the thinking was halted when Nightmare gave the next command. "Ferrothorn, use worry seed to put a stop to it's dreadful healing." Ferrothorn lifted the Shuckle over it's head and the new green barb retracted into his head, small seeds flew out and attached themselves to Shuckle's skin.
'Shuckle's ability changed to Insomnia!' '
The only reason that damn Shuckle was still alive was because of that move called Rest, which kept healing Shuckle to full health and would cure it of status problems, the only drawback was it would go to sleep for two turns but Shuckle's defenses made that problem almost nonexistent! Again, Anon didn't seem to care as he smirked with confidence. "You just don't give up do you? Alright Shuckle, use Bide!"
Now this was a move Nightmare had not seen yet, so when Shuckle started glowing Nightmare decided to kill it off immediately. "Ferrothorn, use Wring out!" Ferrothorn used all it's strength to squeeze Shuckle, the move took about more than half it's total health which surprised Nightmare.
'The opponent's Shuckle is storing energy! '
"Ferrothorn, Power Whip!" Ferrothorn slammed Shuckle on the ground with the tentacle that Shuckle clung onto for dear life, Shuckle was in the red zone now!
'Shuckle unleashed energy! '
Shuckle's tentacle slugged Ferrothorn with so much strength that Ferrothorn was sent flying across the room, slamming into and afterwards destroying a large boulder. When the smoke cleared Ferrothorn was still standing with many cracks and dents on it's steel hard shell, then it fell in defeat shortly after the suspense.
'Ferrothorn fainted! '
One Pokemon left, only one Pokemon that may or may not decide Nightmare's faith in this battle. "Hey Nightmare, before you throw that ball hear me out!"
"What do you want, Anon?"
"I'm gonna make a bet, if I win you gotta do whatever I say for the rest of tomorrow," Nightmare raised her brow, sure she was stuck with utter defeat but why not humor the hairless ape? "Okay Anon, but if I win... I get three commands that you MUST obey if it's within your power to do so, and I can use them anytime I want, deal?" Anon smirked and gave Nightmare a thumbs-up, obviously too cocky to worry about Lady Luck but it's not like Nightmare has any chance against him! "Deal, now throw out your final Pokemon and taste defeat!"
Nightmare threw the pokeball and the creature came out in a blinding light which was followed by a mighty roar!
'PkMn Trainer Nightmare sent out Gyarados! '
The atrocious red sea serpent was definitely big, and the face it had made it look even more threatening along with angry, bloodthirsty, and down-right scary! It thrashed about in an outrage for unknown reasons, it could be a way of getting it's blood boiling for battle or maybe it's trying to frighten the opponent by displaying it's full power, or maybe it's simply thrashing about out of pure anger like a belligerent psychopath but regardless of reason it was completely out of control! "Sweet lovers of Aphrodite, the Red Gyarados of the Lake of Rage! Nightmare, you gotta control that beast before it kills us!"
"I'm trying as hard as I can Anon, but this thing's anger makes most Minotaur look tame! Dammit, obey your master you wretched abomination!" The Gyarados started firing off Hyper-beams as it thrashed about adding more danger toward trying to calm it down, eventually though Nightmare had enough of this tantrum. "That's ENOUGH!" Nightmare's Canterlot voice took hold and shook the dream scape with it's sheer power, it also silenced the Gyarados and caused it to lock up."Now you listen to me and listen good because I do NOT like to repeat myself! You are to heed my command without question and you will do it without hesitation, if you break any of these rules I will see it as an act of insubordination and will be followed by a punishment far worse than your mind can even begin to conceive, are we clear!?" The Gyarados timidly nodded, which caused a smile to grow on Nightmare's face. "Good, now destroy that Shuckle with Dragon Rage!"
Blue flames erupted from Gyarados' mouth, pelting the Shuckle and instantly knocking it out. Dragon Rage is a special move that ignores stats by having fixed damage unlike most moves that have to take in the target's defenses, it always does forty damage to the target and in Shuckle's case will completely destroy it since Shuckle's main strategy is endure all attacks and inflict status problems like Toxic on the opponent. Anon returned Shuckle and grabbed another ball. "One down Nightmare, only five more to go!" Anon threw the pokeball and sent his next pokemon out to battle.
'Ace Trainer Anon sent out Shedinja! '
The Pokemon Shedinja was quite literally just an empty husk, it may have the record of the Pokemon with the lowest possible health in the entire series with only one health point which also means literally any attacking move could kill it in one hit besides False Swipe but it's true power shines in it's ability Wonder Guard which nullifies any attack unless it's super effective making it almost invincible!
'The opponent's Shedinja was hit by Spikes! Shedinja fainted! '
Unless of course it's damaged by status problems, weather damage, or field hazards in which case it will faint instantly. The Shedinja simply floated in the air shortly after the text box announced this then fell to the ground with a loud thump, Ferrothorn's spikes from earlier making it faint it as soon as it was sent out.
Nightmare Moon was confused at what just happened, the creature Anon sent out took damage from spikes and fainted instantly. Nightmare could question this further but decided to just roll with it for the time being. "Two down, Anon."
"Yeah yeah, that was just luck!" Anon took out another pokeball and threw it.
'Ace Trainer Anon sent out Shedinja! '
'The opponent's Shedinja was hit by Spikes! Shedinja fainted! '
"Sonova bitch! Really!?" Anon threw another pokeball and another Shedinja popped out that fell in defeat. It was at this point Anon was starting to get a little nervous, what if his entire team consisted of these things!? Anon threw out his fourth pokeball and Shedinja popped out, then fainted from spikes.
Nightmare was laughing her ass off at Lady Luck biting Anon in the ass, he was down to his last Pokeball and was hesitant on throwing it in fear of it being yet another Shedinja. "What's the matter Anon, getting cold feet?"
"Put a sock in it, Nightmare!" Anon threw the ball and crossed his fingers, hoping it wasn't what he feared.
'Ace Trainer Anon sent out Raichu! '
Anon sent out the powerful electric mouse Pokemon Raichu, which left Anon bewildered. "Raichu, use Thunderbolt," Anon said with no trace of emotion left, then the Raichu launched an arch of lightning at Gyarados that hit dead center.
'Gyarados' cell battery absorbed the attack! Gyarados' attack rose! '
"Gyarados, use Earthquake," That Thunderbolt would have instantly K.O.'d Gyarados but instead it's held item gave it immunity and boosted it's attack stat, and Anon watched as his hopes and dreams were crushed like the ground underneath his Raichu was crushed by Earthquake.
'Ace Trainer Anon has no usable Pokemon left, PkMn Trainer Nightmare wins! '
The music came to a halt and the digital dimension reverted back to normal. Nightmare stood over Anon while in human form which was strange considering the men were taller than the woman but Nightmare was at least six inches taller than Anon,she stood over the pouting human with a shit-eating grin. "I believe we have a deal, Mr. Anon."
"Fine, what do you want?"
"In due time Anon, in due time..."
"Uh, Nightmare? I'd hate to be that guy but would you kindly get your sweater stretchers outta my face before you hurt me with them?"
Nightmare raised a questioning brow at Anon, then her mouth curved into a mischievous smile. "Oh, so my little human has some self control?"
"Nightmare I'm as much a man as any other human male that I know but I'd be in prison if I never learned proper restraint. Also, why are you getting closer?"
"Whatever do you mean Anon?" Nightmare took a step forward, and Anon took a step back.
"Hey, Anon," Nightmare said as she took a step closer.
"gulp Y-yeah?"
Nightmare Moon had him against an invisible wall, she leaned into his face, ever so slowly breaking his personal space (hey, that rhymed!). Her face crept closer and closer to Anon's, he could feel her breath wash over his blushing red face. She leaned into Anon's ear of all places, then spoke in a whispered voice. "I think somebody needs a hug..."
Author's Note
I do not own Pokemon, that is property of Nintendo.
Okay, now that Copyright has been established I hope you fillies and germs enjoyed this little chapter. Also, if you wanted to know what the battle theme was it is the gym leader battle theme from Pokemon FireRed/LeafGreen. Until next time my readers, stay frosty!
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Fluttershy was in a state of panic, this morning when she woke up she saw Anon's face was covered in dried, crusty blood and his face was tinted red. She had never seen such a thing as serious as this, and she was honestly afraid Anon was dead! "Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh Anon, please don't be dead. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goo-"
"Mnh... N-no, can't breath... sweater... No... B-Baka!... zzzzzzzzz ,"
'Gasp! ' Anon! Oh thank goodness your alright, I thought you went to that great big Human Forest in the sky!... Um, Anon?"
"zzzzz N-No pickles please, thank you... zzzzzzz ." Anon mumbled.
"Anon? Are you still asleep?"
"Mnh... I didn't do it!... zzzzzzzz ." Anon, still fast asleep, sat up and walked out of his bed. Somehow, Anon walked flawlessly down the stairs and into the kitchen without tripping or falling on his face. He put on an apron and a chef hat and grabbed a frying pan and spatula, then he got a marker and drew a perfect french mustache on his upper lip.
Fluttershy was hopelessly confused on how Anon traveled all the way downstairs and into the kitchen unscathed, I mean even she tripped down the stairs every once in a while (because of a certain loose board that she keeps 'forgetting' to get somepony to fix, mind you... yes the joke here is she's shy, I thought the series established this already) yet Anon can literally do it in his sleep. Which is another thing that deepens her confusion, why the hell was Anon sleep walking to begin with?... Also, what was that heavenly smell? "Oh my... T-that smell, what is-..."
Heaven.
That is the only word she could use to describe what was presented in front of her, as all sorts of French desserts from Anon's home world were on display. There were croissants filled with jelly, macarons of various colors and flavors, even the exotic fruit-laced pancake called Flaugnarde that was almost too good to resist for Fluttershy. But then, as if it couldn't get any better, there was the 'coup de grace'... a mousse cake, sweet yet simple mango breading with liquid chocolate dripping from the top, a small whipped-cream tip and a cherry on top. But said mousse cake was floating in a large bowl of melted milk chocolate like a delicate feather drifting in a bird bath, "The Floating Island" as it was called pulled everything together, like a tall tower amongst a massive utopia but with sweets. Rarity would have been a very proud pony and Celestia probably would've awesome-gasmed all over Fluttershy's nice; clean floor, thought up an excuse to get her hoofy mitts on such a divine metropolis of sweets, then engorge herself like the white, fluffy piggy that the rumors claim her to be.
'Knock knock! '
"zzzzz- Eh, wha?...Whoa, where the heck am I? 'sniff sniff ' And what's that delightful smell?"
Anon woke up to the sound of knocking on the front door, so he went to open said door... After he opened the door he slowly closed it back and left without saying another word, now when you think of it one would probably do the same upon meeting THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN' TOWN ON FLUTTERSHY'S DOORSTEP! I am not joking, it looked like the entire populous of Ponyville had gathered themselves on Fluttershy's property and Anon was afraid they were after him! Until he noticed the five star french cuisine on Fluttershy's table.
"So that's what this is about,-" Anon proclaimed to himself, while sneaking a few of those croissants into his shirt pocket. "-they must've been after Fluttershy's cooking!"
Anon, still unaware of the dried blood and graffiti mustache on his face, raised a fist into the air. "Well if Flutter-butt worked so hard to make such art than by god I'll guard it with all my might!"
Anon looked over to Fluttershy as she held a croissant to her face, and then took a bite.
'pomf '
Fluttershy dropped the treat on the ground and her wings shot up from her back, then her eyes slowly dilated and her mouth hung open a little with a bit of drool coming out. To Anon's honesty it looked like someone injected her with a little Ecstasy and as much as he hated to admit it was quite humorous. Fluttershy then fell to the ground as stiff as a board, a small puddle started to form around her flanks as she laid there like a statue. "I... I came..."
"Gross, but for some reason flattering."
"Um, Anon? You do realize your the one that made this right? "
"Nightmare, your joking... " Anon received silence from Nightmare's end. "...Wait, your actually serious? "
"As serious as the moon is white, it seems you tend to sleep-bake. " Anon chuckled to himself a bit, the fact that he sleep-bakes actually seemed believable to him.
"Probably thanks to you Miss Chases-Anon-around-to-try-and-suffocate-him-with-warm-and-fluffy-F-cup-death-cuttles. " Anon could hear Nightmare Moon give an annoyed huff, Nightmare then retorted in a whiny voice.
"But my pony anatomy requires hugs to live! "
"I'd sooner believe Princess Celestia went on a hump-happy rape spree than you requiring hugs to gain nourishment. I mean really, who do you take me for? "
"Regardless of whether you believe me or not I WILL get cuttles, by force if I have to! "
"Actions speak louder than words, Nightmare. So, you gonna act or- "
"ANON!"
"Who, where?!... Oh, hey Twilight, what's up?"
"Anon, are you feeling alright? You've been staring off into space for a few minutes now, also what's up with Fluttershy?" Anon nodded while staring off into space.
"Yeah, good to see you to Twilight... Hey, do ponies require hugs for nourishment?"
"Um, unless it's Pinkie Pie I don't think so. Why do you ask?"
"Not important, say could you do a little taste test for me?"
Before Twilight could respond Anon stuffed one of his croissants down her gullet, after swallowing the treat her eyes dilated and she fell to the floor like Fluttershy did, even her flanks were forming their own little puddle to stain Fluttershy's floor. Anon said nothing and walked out the door, maneuvering his legs to step over the ponies gathered outside so he didn't trip on one. Once over the crowd he grabbed a blank sign from the convenient pile of blank signs that were just out in the open for no reason, then took out his self-defense switchblade knife and carved letters into the sign. After looking over his handiwork he stabbed it into the ground and drove it in further with his foot, when the crowd read the sign there were many groans.
Anon's Sweets Shop, we guarantee a little magic in every bite! 15$ a pop.
Next order of business, Anon grabbed a small filly from the crowd. "What's yer name, kid?"
"I'm Sweetie Belle!"
"Enthusiasm, I like that. You wanna make a quick bit?"
"Okay Mr. Monkey, I do like bits," Anon took off his fedora and Placed Sweetie Belle on his head, then placed the Fedora on Sweetie Belle's head which fitted her perfectly. "Sure ya do Sweets. Now pay attention, ya might learn somethin',-" Anon walked over and placed her down in front of Fluttershy's house, then brought over a bucket. "-Alright Sweets, this job's simple. Don't let anypony in less they pay the entrance fee, fifteen bits a pop, no exceptions. If somepony starts causin' trouble don't be afraid to tell my... associate here." Angel Bunny hopped from behind Anon's leg with a Carrot hanging from his mouth like a cigar, he casually leaned onto the wall beside Sweetie Belle sporting a stone-cold glare. In all honesty Anon had no idea who this white bunny was, he just said that last part to sound badass but apparently he had some dumb luck to spare! "You got all that, Sweets?"
"Gotcha, Boss!" Sweetie Belle saluted. Anon chuckled and patted her head. "There's a good little trooper, I'll be back later."
"Anon sweetie? You do know child abuse is illegal here, and that includes child labor. " Nightmare said in a sweet sarcastic tone, to which Anon retorted in an equally sarcastic tone.
"Now pumpkin, it's not child labor if they're willing to work for payment, besides you said I needed to get my own place right? "
"Well can you at least tell me why you gained a Neigh York accent? "
"Ask me dat again, doll face, " Nightmare raised a brow in confusion, but asked again to see what would happen.
"Okay, why are you speaking in a- "
"Fugetaboutit! Ahahaha, oh man, you got no idea how long that was on reserves! "
Nightmare rolled her eyes as Anon continued walking, sure Anon was an idiot but a charming idiot, like a jester or a good comedian. She'd rather laugh at his self-inflicted pain than inflict pain on him, which Lady Luck does from time to time. Nightmare Moon was taken away from her train of thought by Anon when he jerked to the side all of a sudden. "Holy shit, that was a close one."
"Anon, what happened? "
"Some ass-wipe just tried to assassinate me with an arrow!" Anon thankfully had the combat experience to successfully dodge the arrow, experience he gained trying to survive in his old neighborhood back on Earth. Anon noticed the note wrapped around the base and read it aloud. "Go to the town cake shop if your looking for money, P. Sounds like I got me a job!"
"Someone tries to kill you and your first instinct is to take up their job offer? "
"Oh, sweet clueless Nightmare. You obviously don't know the power of human curiosity, nor the power of a bored human. Besides, do you have something better in mind?"
"Well... fine. Just don't get yourself killed, I swear if you leave me here by myself I'll make sure you learn what true terror is! "
"Yeah yeah, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn', I had two older sisters that I had to put up with when I was a kid and one of them became a professional kick-boxer. Now let me ask you, do you think a lone pony is gonna make me go belly-up?"
Nightmare Moon went quiet for a moment, then spoke up. "Just... Just be careful Anon, I don't wanna be alone... Not again. "
"Ehehe, like I said you big baby, I ain't going anywhere." Anon started his walk again after comforting Nightmare. Unknown to Anon however, Nightmare gave a genuine smile, something she only experienced once every blue moon. Anon eventually made it to Ponyville and eyed a building that reminded him of cake, so he went inside and was met with darkness. Within the darkness, a dark yet girly voice spoke to Anon.
"You come alone, human?"
"Who are you, and why did you try to kill me!?"
"Not important, now are you the one who made those sweets at Fluttershy's house?"
"Maybe I am, what's it to ya?"
The lights clicked on and Anon was tackled by something very pink and very affectionate. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie the greatest most super-duperest party pony in all of Ponyville!" Anon was able to rip her off his face and hold her up by her loose neck-skin, Anon immediately recognized the assailant.
"Hey, your that fruit-cake that I met at the hospital!"
"That's right Monkey-man! So I assume you got my letter?"
"Yeah, I got a REAL good look at it as I narrowly avoided having it lodged into my skull." Anon said.
Pinkie rubbed the back of her head and a sweat drop appeared on the side of her head. "Ehehehe, yeah sorry about that. The tip had a plunger head so it would stick to you but it flung off when I fired it."
Anon face-palmed and dropped her onto the ground. "You know what? Forget it, just tell me how much I'm being paid."
"Will you work for minimum wage, Anny?" Anon took out one of his croissants and stuffed it down her pie-hole... no not THAT pie-hole you silly pervert, I'm talking about her mouth. Anyway, after she ate it her eyes dilated and her mouth hung open slightly with a spot of drool dripping from her lower lip. After a moment of silence her tail lifted up and (I shit thee not) a burst of multicolored confetti shot out from what Anon assumed to be her privates which was accompanied by the sound of either a party horn or a kazoo, Anon couldn't tell but it was like a 'squeaking' sound mixed with a horn. Whatever the sound was it made Anon internally chuckle a little. Pinkie's limbs turned to jelly and she fell to her side, followed by her flanks making a small puddle on the floor.
"So confetti-butt, what were you saying about my immediate raise in pay?" Pinkie simply moaned some incoherent babble, Anon took out another croissant and placed it next to her. "I'll take that as a yes, see ya next week Fruit-cake!"
Anon walked out of his new work place with a little bounce to his step, for once things finally went his way! "Well Nightmare, looks like it's our lucky day! Now that I got a well-paying job to go with the bits that Sweets is racking up for me I bet things are smooth sailing from here!"
"It's about time as well, I was honestly starting to think that fate just plain hated you. "
"Well every dog has his day Nightmare, and this day belongs to Anon!"
Eventually Anon made it back to Fluttershy's home, and once he made it to the vicinity he was assaulted by the scent of raw fish and shame. Anon didn't care about the musky scent, because the sight of Sweetie Belle with all the cash that she made nearly made his heart stop. The bucket was overfilled, forming a small mountain of bits that shimmered like priceless gems. Sweetie Belle trotted over with a clothes pin on her snout, saluting to Anon. "Mission accomplished boss, with no difficulties or issues!"
Anon took back his Fedora and patted her head. "Ehehe, nice work Sweets," Anon grabbed a bag and filled it with the bits that were overflowing from the bucket, this was roughly a third of the total but it still fattened up the bag quite nicely. Anon dropped the bag of bits in front of Sweetie Belle. "-there's your cut o' the doe, now go buy yourself somethin' nice." Sweetie Belle thanked Anon and took her bag of money, wandering to lord knows where. Anon took his pot o' gold and went inside Fluttershy's house, carefully stepping over all the snoozing ponies. He dumped his money in a small chest that Fluttershy let him borrow, she kept it in her room so no one would go snooping through his stuff and since Fluttershy was the most trustworthy pony on the planet he knew she wouldn't go through his stuff without permission. Anon locked it up and put the key in his shoe, but not before grabbing a handful of bits since he was going back to town for a little fun.
"Ehehe, I think Anon deserves a reward." Anon left the house with a pocket full of coins, as he walked toward Ponyville he started flipping a coin er-... bit with a satisfied smile. "Yeah... ol' Anon's getting tanked, tonight." Anon went to Ponyville and got really drunk at a bar, he didn't remember anything that happened throughout the night but when he passed out he slept like a baby, and if one thing was certain it was that Anon never noticed his blood covered face or sharpie-stache the entire day... and no one cared.
Author's Note
Alright, that's another chapter down. Sorry this one took so long, had a nasty case of Writer's Block. Well I hope this chapter will make-up for my short delay, also I regret nothing I've done here. Goodnight and remember to tip your waitress!
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Just another average day...
"-and that's what Anime is, any questions?"
Nightmare raised her hand, sitting in a school desk with a very confused look. "I'm completely and hopelessly lost."
"That's okay, most of the time sanity blocks this kind of info... Ah, let me try something," Anon walked over and put a finger on Nightmare's horn, it started to glow and the next thing she knew Anon's memories are being driven into her subconscious at speeds that were incomprehensible to the regular mind. Within a second of this act Anon retracted his hand.
It took Nightmare a moment to register what just entered her subconscious but she did speak. "I'll never be able to look at you the same way ever again."
"I know, it comes with the knowledge. So, any more questions about my species?"
"I'm scared to ask any more... Speaking of ask, how does your species reproduce?"
Anon chuckled and ruffled Nightmare's hair. "Your a big girl, Nightmare. You can figure it out, we're both mammals after all."
"Ohhhhh, so that's what these balloons on my chest are for." Nightmare poked one of her breasts, making it ripple very lightly. "Human breasts sure are big, I thought these were for self-defense!"
"Nightmare, in all honesty they could be used for both. Anyway, when should I be waking up?"
"In about 3 seconds, give or take." Anon blacked out, and shortly woke up looking at the indigo skies of early dawn.
"Oh man, what did I do last night?" Anon looked around and saw he was in a field of grass, with a purple pony on his lap that smelled of scotch, and no it definitely wasn't Twilight. Her mane was wine purple and her fur was a lighter shade, her butt tattoo was a bundle of grapes and a strawberry so she must've had a thing for making wine. Eventually she started to stir from her sleep.
"Mnh, eh wha?... Oh, hey... you?"
"Did we bump uglies?"
The drunk pony pondered on Anon's question. "I dunno... You wanna just say we didn't?"
"Sure, I guess... Uh, names Anon by the way." The pony on Anon's lap got up and stretched.
"Names Berry Punch, what're you suppose to be?"
Before Anon could speak he took a sharp intake of breath and held his head at the sudden migraine, sure enough it was the hangover that made itself known as it made his head feel like it was hit by a sledgehammer.
"S'wrong big guy, hangover bitin' at your ass?"
"Like a bitch, man." Anon cringed.
"Well hang tight big guy, momma's gonna make it all better." Berry pulled out a medicine bottle from her messy tail, she shook out a few pills and popped them into Anon's mouth.
"Whoa, that stuff works fast... Thanks Berry. Also, I'm a human." Anon explained
"So, your the big talk o' the town?"
"Well when your an alien from another planet or dimension you tend to get a lot of attention... Well I should get back to Flutter-butt's place, she's probably worried sick about me." Before Anon could get up Berry pushed him back to the ground.
"Now hang on, big guy. You got some stuff on your face." Berry used her tail as a cloth and cleaned his face of dried blood and smeared marker. She flicked her tail and the crud came off her tail with ease. "There, much more presentable."
"Ah, good call Berry. Well, see ya later I guess. Oh, by the way Berry, someone drew a dick on your face." Berry blushed and quickly wiped her face off with her hoof, she had an embarrassed smile which was kinda cute and when she smiled an audible 'squee' could be heard.
"Mmphmfmnf! " A muffled cry could be heard from Anon's shirt, when he peeked into his shirt collar Pinkie Pie of all ponies popped her head out. "Hi Anny!"
"Fruit-cake, please tell me why your in my shirt before I start face-palming." Pinkie simply giggled and out of nowhere she gave Anon bedroom eyes.
"You don't remember, Anny? We were up aaaaall night making cupcakes back at my place..." Pinkie leaned in closer, breaking his bubble of personal space. "Those hands of yours can REALLY mead the doe." Pinkie wiggled her eye brows, at this point Anon could practically smell Pinkie's breath and she could really use a Tic-Tac.
Anon kept a stone-cold poker face, while a trickle of blood dripped from his nose. "We humans are quite famous for our hands, they're very adaptive."
This was the staring contest of the century, the pink pony vs the bald simian. It was now Pinkie's turn to speak. "And... Flexible. ~" Before Anon could speak Pinkie pulled out a platter of cupcakes and returned to her bubbly self. "Personally I think they turned out very well, you want some Anny?"
Anonymous pulled Pinkie from his shirt and set her down on the grass, he reached into her swirly mess of a mane and pulled out a bottle of Pepsi. Anon opened it and took a swig, then shoved the opening in Pinkie's mouth and watched her chug the rest of the soda. He then shook her up, nodding upon hearing an audible sloshing sound from her belly. Anon took out a mint-flavored Mentos from his pocket and dropped it down Pinkie's throat and the moment that thing hit her stomach she inflated like a big, pink air bag. Anon climbed her inflated body and poked her gut.
(Canterlot Palace)
Things were unnaturally quiet in the palace, Celestia had no appointments with the usual snob nor any plans scheduled with her student Twilight, and the schedules with the other nations were put on hold for the reasons of an alien appearing in Equiss. She literally had no plans for the entire day, something she thought was just an old mare's tale.
'CRASH! '
"What in the name of-"
"I CAME IN LIKE A WREEECKING BALL!!! "
Anon the human smashed through one of her castle walls and was riding on Pinkie Pie who was flying through the air like a deflating balloon, aimlessly flying around in an infinite burp while the human was singing a strange song. They made their exit through another one of her walls leaving two walls for her to patch up. Princess Luna walked in, looked around, then sighed to herself. "I shall contact the royal architect."
Anon's ride, like his mental breakdown, eventually petered out and he landed in a tree back in Ponyville. The golden Oaks library to be more specific, where Twilight opened the window to her room and greeted Anon. "Anon? How did you get all the way up here?"
"Pinkie Pie, now can you lend a hoof and get me off of this branch?"
(Canterlot Palace... Again)
"The human did this!?"
"Now Lulu, we can't go around pointing hooves just yet, he was with the Element of Laughter after all." Celestia said.
"The Pink one? Well I guess that explains how he was able to bust not only one, but two walls in out castle. But regardless, your just going to let him off scot-free!?"
"Page fifty-six, Paragraph four, All acts of destruction involving the Element of Laughter 'Pinkamena Diane Pie' and any acquaintances involved are given an immediate pardon and will not be held accountable, only one pardon shall be given a day and any damage not included for the first pardon shall be dealt with. Any additional damage done following the first pardon shall be seen as a 'pink chain effect' and both will be seen as the same act of destruction, unless the second act happened five minutes after the first act or if the chain goes over it's limit of three. I assume you know what that means?"
"Ah yes, I forgot about that rule. But what about the human, technically he's not even a registered citizen!"
"I'll worry about Anon later, now do get some rest. And please, stop worrying about the human's constant acts of mischief," Luna tried to think of a statement of argument but instead sighed and decided to get some sleep, she could worry about the human on her own time.
(Twilight's House)
"-and that's the story of how I saved Christmas with a dead midget wearing a leotard, a harpoon gun, a giant foam middle finger, and a passive-aggressive post-it note. Well Twilight, I'll see you later." Anon walked out the door, leaving Twilight in a state of complete confusion. Anon decided to browse the market now that the citizens weren't scared shitless of his mere presence, and wouldn't you know it there was a house for sale! Although it was around seven hundred bits...
"I wonder if I can make that much money in a day... "
"Seven hundred bits? Do you plan on robbing a Dragon's horde!? "
"Well now that you mention it, Nightmare...- "
Nightmare cut him off. "Oh no, you are not robbing a Dragon's den! "
"Too late, you've already given me the idea you no good bad influence. " Anon ran over to a nearby pony and asked for directions to the nearest dragon den, she pointed him in the right direction and he set off! Now your probably predicting it's the dragon at the mountain cave that Fluttershy stood up to in 'Dragonshy', right? Well I thought that too, but then I counter-thought that that was way to predictable. Anon was going to the same mountain, but there was another cave much closer to the ground that housed an older dragon. Legends spoke that he was an elite dragon who was in a great war many, many years ago, not a single soul has entered that cave in fear of angering him, including other dragons...
Anon casually entered the cave ignoring the warning signs, the walls of the cave were lit with torches showing a clear path to certain doom, the dragon's den was right around the corner but before Anon went any further Nightmare spoke to him. "Anon, are you really going to go through with this? "
"Don't worry Nightmare, it's just a simple get-in-get-out mission. Trust me when I say that humans can be a crafty bunch, and sneaking is a lot easier when you have feet instead of hooves," Anon said in a comforting tone.
"... Alright Anon, I trust you... But if you die on me I'll never forgive you! "
Anon chuckled a bit, then spoke. "Like I said you big baby, I ain't going anywhere."
Anon peeked around the corner and saw a huge dragon... skeleton? Anon crept forward into the huge illuminated room and the only thing inside was an enormous dragon skeleton with a large stalactite (The ones that hang from the ceiling) jabbed into the ground where his neck was, the large rock actually severed the neck bone in half effectively decapitating it!
"....... Heh.... Ehehe, ahahaha! T-the dragon was killed in his sleep-ahaha! And here I thought I was gonna have to deal with a fifty ton behemoth, only to find out he was stupid enough to sleep under one of mother nature's biggest guillotines! Ahaha, oh I can only imagine the look on his face when he woke up in the realm of the dead-ahahaha.... hehe, whew, I thought I'd never stop laughing," Anon took his switchblade and use the bottom to knock one of the dragon's fangs out of it's socket, he'd make it into a necklace for later. Next order of business, he grabbed the key he found near the dragon's head and made his way over to the large treasure chest, he unlocked it and beheld the sea of gold coins, rare gems, and priceless jewelery.
"Nightmare, we've hit the jackpot!"
"You got lucky, " Nightmare deadpanned.
"Don't care, now let's go buy a house!"
Anon left the cave with the entire chest locked and ready to steal, he made his way out of the cave with a slight skip to his step. Although it was the dead of night, so he decided to camp out with the spare tent he packed and celebrate with a nice bond fire and some packed snacks. Then when the sun would rise again, he'd travel back to Ponyville to show-off his haul.
Author's Note
Sorry this took so long guys and gals, my region had a HUGE snowstorm and the power was cut for a good while... Then I got a tad lazy... Oh well, better late than never I suppose, keep reading fans!
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Then Shit Hits the Fan: Part one.
"-so the duck walks up to the surgeon and says, 'I may be a talking duck but your the real Quack here, medical-man!"
"... Meh, six outta ten," Nightmare says.
"Well I kinda expected that. Hmm... Oh, I gotta juicy one! Alright, so a guy and his pet monkey walk into a bar, he orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar eating people's food. Then he jumps onto the pool table and swallows the billiard ball, the bartender talks to the man and says 'Did your monkey just swallow my whole cue ball!?' the man says 'I'm sorry, the little bastard eats anything he can get his mouth around. I'll pay for the damages.' so the man pays and leaves the bar. Around two weeks after that incident he and his monkey come back, he orders a drink and the monkey starts running around again. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on one of the tables, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted and says 'Did you see what your monkey just did!?' The man smirks and says 'Yeah, he still eats everything in sight but ever since the he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first," It took Nightmare a few moments to get the joke but when she did a smile slowly formed on her face, sadly it wasn't enough to break her into a fit of laughter.
"Eight outta ten, good but there are better jokes out there." Nightmare said.
Anon crosses his arms and pouted. "Your a tough cookie, Nightmare."
Anon blacked out and awoke in his tent, he crawled out and was met with the beautiful crack of dawn. "Man, this world is pure eye candy..."
'Guuurgle' (Yo, Anon this is your gut, I'm fuckin' hungry!)
"Alright you sack of acids, I'm getting something," Anon grabbed his supply of snacks and found a cupcake with a note in the wrapper.
To Anny,
I'm reeeealy really sorry for giving you a mental breakdown, so to make it up to you I made you one of my super duper yummylicious cupcakes!
XOXO, your future boss and hopefully friend, Pinkie Pie.
"Huh, guess Fruitcake wasn't so bad after all... Wonder how it tastes," Anon took a bite and slowly chewed his gift, he swallowed and simply stared at his confection. "It's the best damn cupcake I've ever eaten..." Anon packed up the tent and snuffed the campfire, then grabbed the side handle of his new loot and followed the trail back to Ponyville eating at the treat as he walked.
When Anon arrived at Ponyville the streets were near empty, he shrugged his shoulders and took the normal route back to Fluttershy's place with the chest of shiny-shiny in tow. He unlocked the door with the spare key she gave him and was greeted with silence, but this was normal considering whose roof he lived under.
"Oh, Anon! Where were you last night?"
"Hey Flutters, just went on a little heist," Anon could physically sense her tense up upon hearing he word 'heist', and he could feel her tense up even further when she saw the large ancient treasure chest. "Relax Flutters, I didn't steal this stuff. I just looted from an old dragon's den to find some treasure," Anon unlocked the chest and showed Fluttershy the valuables hidden inside. "and boy was I not disappointed!"
"U-um, so A-anon Um, I was j-just wondering if-"
"Uh-huh?" Anon was distracted by the enticing Blood Diamond he was gawking at.
"Well, if it's not t-too much trouble for you-"
"Yeah?"
"W-well, I was just gonna ask if... Well... A-a-anon... w-will you, um rut me?... U-unless you don't want to of course-!"
"Yeah, sure Flutters." Anon was paying little to no attention, he was too distracted by the shiny dark-red diamond.
"R-really!? I've never had a stallion willing to help me during estrus season... I'm really honored." So Fluttershy climbed up and laid on his lap like a cat not really sure how to approach this, prompting Anon to scratch the back of her ear on instinct. As soon as Anon started his scratching Fluttershy's eyes bugged out for a brief moment and she slowly went cross-eyed, her eye lids drooped with one going lower than the other and a stupid grin started growing on her face, she even started to involuntarily purr like a cat which wasn't even possible for ponies to do! Anon spent a good portion of his day simply looking through his loot like the new toy that your mom got you but you were not allowed to open until you got home, you just look at it for the pleasure of looking at it. Fluttershy dosed off at some point snoring softly in Anon's lap as he continued his scratching and petting, eventually he ran out of things to gawk at so he placed her on the couch and locked the chest back up and proceeded outside.
"HI ANON!!"
"....." Anon slowly closed the door, locking it with the key and the little chain lock. The entire mare population of Ponyville was at Fluttershy's doorstep and they had their rape faces ready, from the pin-prick eyes to the creepy smiles. Anon wasn't quite sure why they were here until something peculiar hit his nostrils, a familiar scent... Then it all came back to him, back on his father's ranch in Ohio his father had work horses and this scent hit every year. "They're in heat, I can smell the piss from here."
"You humans can smell estrus? "
"No we can't, but the urine they release when in heat is a different story, and there is a loooot of it." Anon knew they would eventually get antsy if ignored for too long so he had to board up the house while he had the opportunity, but seconds later he realized that he also had to deal with unicorn magic and ceased the pointless endeavor. He took some leather straps and some duct tape and with a little human creativity turned his treasure chest into a backpack, it wasn't as heavy as you'd imagine but heavy nonetheless. He strapped it to his back, then used the leftover leather to make a belt to protect his genitals. "Alright, now for a game plan." He could try his luck and run like hell but that would most likely be suicide, and with his backpack he couldn't sneak away. He was cornered, no where to run and-
"Alright ladies, he must have sneaked out the back, he's probably gone by now." Groans and curses filled the air and he heard the sound of hooves walking away.
"Wait Twilight, what if he's still inside?"
"Even if he was still inside he's only one stallion, there are probably bigger groups we can ambush with less hassle, we'll come back for him later. Besides, he's in Fluttershy's house, he'll have to come out at some point..."
Anon's heart sank, he was stuck in a house that held a literal example of 'It's always the quiet ones' but with rape!... "The quiet ones, that's it!"
Anon ran up to Fluttershy's room and stuck his hand under the bed, then pulled out a sword-sized purple dildo like the one from Saints Row: The Third. He gave it a few test swings and nodded to himself, however he always knew you could never be too well armed so he grabbed a frying pan and tied it to his belt. "Alright, let's do this."
Anon kicked the door open and ran out with all his speed, when he looked back he saw a mare knocked out with a bloody nose. She got a face full of door and was probably an ambush set by Twilight. "So they really did leave... But leaving only one guard? I honestly expected more from you, Twilight." A hoof placed itself on Anon's shoulder, a big, white hoof with a golden slipper. Anon's sword was ripped from his hand by a golden magical aura and his captor started breathing down his neck.
"Gotcha."
Anon lightly chuckled to himself. "So, Twilight already brought out the big guns... Before you take me away, answer a question that's been bugging me."
"What is your question, Anon?"
"How do you like your eggs?"
Before she could speak Anon pulled out his frying pan and spun around while swinging, a notable 'dong ' sound made itself known as he smashed her face, with the spin's added force combined with the normal force she fell to her side completely unconscious.
"Cause I like mine sunny-side-up, Ahahahahaha!" After Anon tea-bagged her unconscious form he grabbed his dick-sword and made his way straight for the hornet's nest, Ponyville.
"I would like to thank all of you for attending this meeting, specifically about the human who continues to evade out attempt at capture. Here's what we know on the subject-" A black board levitated to Twilight showing a rough sketch of a human. "-Through my constant nocturnal surveying of this amazing creature I've deducted on how it's survived in it's home world. There are three things that make human's superior to every other animal on the planet. The first skill comes from it's strong legs which are capable of holding it upright without the necessity of a tail, these muscular limbs alone help it run almost as fast as Applejack, that fact by itself is impressive considering it only has half the amount of leg power. Further study has provided that the legs are actually stronger than the arms, which gives it very powerful kicking strength but because of it's fleshy feet it can't kick rough things or else it may injure itself."
"So if we take out the legs it can't move?"
"Exactly, the legs are a double-edged sword, they are a weakness and a strength! Next is the second trait, it's natural curiosity. Humans, like it's primate cousins, are curious by nature and that curiosity makes them very adaptable to different environments. That very curiosity, by Anon's words, even led to the discovery of electricity as a power source without the assistance of magic! This curiosity can be a survival skill since humans can make almost anything into a weapon with the assistance of their famous opposable thumbs, not to mention they've combined weapons to form even better weapons."
"C'mon, they can't make anything into a weapon," Rainbow exclaimed.
"Oh, but they can and, if needed, they will. As previously reported by our aerial surveyors Anon has used a door, a frying pan, and of all things a dildo to take down our ambush trap and Celestia in a span of two minutes. Now you look me in the eye and tell me he can't use anything to make a weapon, I dare you!"
'shatter! '
"What was that?"
"C'moooon Anny, lemme go! I can make you feel really good if you do!"
"Sorry Fruit-cake, but I don't dip my stick in crazy, now open wide." Anon poured a whole bag of sugar down Pinkie's gullet, she began to violently shake as her eyes went feral, drool started to drip from her mouth and her eye twitched now and again. Anon sketched up a quick hand with a pointed middle finger and taped it to Pinkie's rope binds. Anon then reached into her mess of a mane and pulled out a small party themed cannon and shoved her into it tail first. "For being such a helpful little pony, I'll make sure you go off with a bang."
"I'LL RUT YOU TILL YOU CAN'T SEE STRAIGHT, MONKEY-MAN!! "
"Yeah yeah, do me a favor and tell your mare friends they've been cock-blocked by yours truly." Anon shoved his last croissant into Pinkie's foaming mouth and pulled the string on the cannon, she rocketed into the sky shooting through the window of Twilight's house. For a brief moment nothing happened, until the windows shattered with raw batter bursting out of them along with a few unconscious ponies. After the initial explosion of cookie batter the waves started to recede and trail out up to Anon's socks in height, slowly carrying Pinkie back toward Anon with her bubbly demeanor back on her face where it belongs.
"Who ho! That was fun! Let's do it again, Anny!"
"Your not rape-happy anymore?"
"Hmmm... Nope, I'm cleaned out!"
"I see, well I could use somebody to watch my back. Pinkie, for the time being I'm gonna need your help." Pinkie saluted to Anon and pulled out a rubber chicken, giving it a few test swings.
"Say no more, Anny. I owe you after that 'big bang ' you gave me!"
Anon nodded and picked her up, slinging her over his shoulder where she landed on his backpack. "Anon, are you positive we can trust this one? "
"Relax Nightmare, what's the worst that can happen? "
Author's Note
Hey readers, I'm back from my break from writing! Now I will admit that it was waaay longer than I had hoped it would be but writing is like cooking, if you rush it, it will be terrible and will leave a bad taste in your mouth. This chapter was, like my break, longer than previously expected so there will be multiple parts, but there will be a little surprise for you later on...
P.S. I'm gonna have some fun writing a heat fic, but no human shall suffer the fowl acts of rape while I'm at the pilot's seat!
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Then Shit Hits the Fan: Part two
"Ooooh, my 'burp ' stomach... Where the hay am I?" Rainbow Dash asked herself, she thought back on the last thing she remembered which was the window shattering in Twilight's house...
Flashback[/hr]
'shatter! '
"What was that?"
"I don't know, Rainbow, but go check it out." Twilight ordered, Rainbow went to investigate the noise and found Pinkie Pie violently twitching and ready to burst with energy.
"ANNY SAYS YOU'VE BEEN COCKBLOCKED!! "
"Pinkie!? I thought you were on your scavenger check!"
"ANNY JUMPED ME, MADE ME EAT A WHOLE BAG OF SUGAR, GO BEWM-BEWM!! "
"B-Boom-Boom!?"
Pinkie started to violently shake, then her pupils turned into a digital number five... then a four... then three...
"Rainbow, what's all that shou- Rainbow, hit the deck!!"
Twilight's order fell on deaf ears, for Rainbow was a deer caught in the headlights of a truck... that was about to explode... and was on fire. The world around Rainbow began to move in slow motion, and she couldn't move even an inch out of fear.
Two ... A single thought ran through Rainbow's mind, it was her own words, 'Humans can't turn anything into a weapon... weapon... weapon...'
"Humans can... and, if needed, they will..." Rainbow told herself, reminded of how foolish she was to not heed Twilight's warning.
"LIGHT THE FUSES, BITCHES!! One... CAUSE I'M READY TO BLOOOW!! "
Zero
"Sonova Bi-" An explosion cut off Rainbow, making her black out...
End of Flashback[/hr]
"Oh, that's ri-... hrg! " Rainbow emptied her bowels of the raw batter that entered her during impact, once she got it all out of her system she crawled over and leaned against a nearby tree for some much needed support after straining her stomach. "Those... Those humans are... relentless, I should have listened to egghead in the first place..." Rainbow leaned her head over to the batter that she just threw-up and cringed. "I'll never be able to eat cookie-doe ice-cream ever again..." Rainbow eventually dosed off from fatigue, it was the dead of night anyway so she'd have to at some point.
"Anny, are you just gonna keep gawking at your treasure like it's Rainbow's toned flanks or what?"
"Yeah, sure man..."
"...Really? You don't even bat an eye?"
"Yeah... Wait, bat? As in something the mafia uses to 'bus' some skulls'?"
"You really haven't been paying attention have you?"
"Eh, afraid not, Fruit-cake. Humans are easily distracted by shiny things, it was an adaptation our ancestors picked up during cave-times when we went looking for spring water, back then we thought 'glistening equals water' since the surface of fresh water glistens naturally when exposed to sunlight, even from far away. Ever since then shiny things seem to take away our attention." Anon put the gem back in his chest and locked it back up, he hoisted it over his shoulder and fitted it to his back. "Another adaptation we picked up is to naturally block-out any kind of unwanted nagging but that only goes for the males of my species."
"Oh, hardy-har-har, can we just keep moving before we get caught?"
"Alright Fruit-cake, I'm going. Sheesh, it's usually Nightmare's job to tell me what to do..." Anon mumbled to himself, he stopped suddenly and turned to Pinkie. "Speaking of going, where the hell are we anyways?"
"My work place, of course. I needed to get some supplies from here like I told you I was doing." Pinkie reminded Anon, however his memory only drew blanks.
"I don't remember you saying anything like that." Anon said.
Pinkie gave Anon the 'are you kidding me?' look. "You were too busy staring at your gem to listen and I assumed you heard me, I honestly wonder how you humans made it this far."
Anon shrugged his shoulders in response. "Beats the hell outta me, Fruit-cake, but I'm not complaining!... Wait a second, why don't we just set up base in here?"
"Because, a place with preservable food is one of the first places they would look for you in. You need to use your head more, Anny." Anon rolled his eyes and simply started to bag items that he thought would help during this temporary pheramonal fallout, Pinkie may be missing a few screws but damn, she knows what she's doing when things get serious. As Anon was thinking to himself an idea entered his head and he started grabbing heavy things and bracing them against the door. "Anny, I told you we're not setting up a base here!"
"Work with me, Fruit-cake. I got an idea to throw off Twilight and her little gang! Now start barricading the entrances but leave one of them open." Pinkie nodded and pushed a large display case in front of the entrance, meanwhile Anon grabbed some sheets and use them to cover the windows and for some added decor he cut some holes into them with his knife to make them look worn down.
"So Anny, what's the plan your going with?"
"First we need to set up the bait, which will be the cake shop. I had a theory that if we made the place look bandit-y they'd suspect it to be inhabited and they would go and check the place out. We need to use this small window of time to gain access to some of the more desirable places that need to be picked clean of supplies." Anon explained.
"Where do you have in mind?"
"That's the question you need to answer, Fruit-cake. You know more about Ponyville than I do, so where do you think is the best place to raid?"
Pinkie rubbed her chin with her hoof in deep thought, she had a few places in mind but they really weren't worth the effort. Then an idea popped into her head that would definitely pay off! "Hey Anny, I know this may sound harsh but what about raiding the hospital? They have medical supplies and instant-food."
"A hospital... That's perfect! Alright Fruit-cake, here's what we're gonna do..."
"So let me make sure that I'm hearing this right. Anonymous, the sole male that's been able to evade all of my attempts of capture and was able to successfully attack us in our own turf resulting in us having no base, is currently hiding out in Sugar-cube Corner?"
"Um... yeah, that's what the surveyors reported. the shop has sheets covering the windows and the entrances are sealed shut from the inside. The place looks... bandit-y as described by the surveyors."
"Did it look worn down and rugged?" An unidentified voice questioned the mare.
"Yes? why do you ask?"
"So the human has already set-up his territory." A light green mare with hazel eyes and a lyre for a cutie-mark stepped out of the crowd, twas none other than Lyra Heartstrings, infamous town nut who believed in the legendary humans and studied them in common folklore and stories. In case you were wondering, yes she rubbed it in everypony's face when Anon first came to town. "By the way, Twilight, your little lecture on the human's key points was pretty much spot on, but you left some key facts out. Like how the human has a more advanced digestive track that allows it to consume both plants and meat or the fact that legends say that humans are completely immune to high-level level spells, but can be affected by lower level spells such as telekinesis or low-level illusion spells. Not to mention you left out one of the human's strongest weapons, his hands."
"What's so threatening about his hands? Dragons and Diamond Dogs have them." Twilight pointed out, but Lyra simply shook her head.
"Human hands are far different than dragon claws or diamond dog paws, for one they don't have pointed fingers and instead they are blunt and soft. This isn't a downside, but rather a strength, if a human were to scratch you in just the right places with these magnificent tools you would be at his mercy." Lyra said with an intimidating tone.
Twilight didn't understand the logic behind this, and her face showed it. "Sooo, what's so bad about him scratching us? You said his fingers were blunt-tipped so they shouldn't be harmful, right?"
"When a human scratches you in the right place, you'll be consumed by feelings of relief that constantly drain your will to fight. Then once your guard is at it's lowest, they'll strike with the infamous tickle-torture!"
"... Are you serious? Tickle-torture?"
"Heed my warnings, Twilight. You don't know evil until you've had a taste of a human's touch!"
Twilight rolled her eyes and turned to the crowd. "Everypony get ready, we're going after the human!"
"You see anything, Fruit-cake?"
"Hmm... Yep, they're coming, and they're not far from here." Pinkie was equipped with a long cloak and a black, latex ninja suit. from behind she looked unrecognizable just as Anon wanted.
"Perfect, now I'm going on ahead through the back window. When someone enters via. teleporting or breaking down the door you bust through the window and lead them away from me." Anon explained.
"Okie-Dokie-Lokie, you can count on me!"
Twilight was pressing her ear against the door, hearing every word of Anon's plan. "So your trying to throw us off, huh? Clever, but it won't work." Twilight motioned everyone over to her. "Alright everypony, I'm gonna draw the human out. If you see a figure bust out of the window ignore it, it's a diversion set-up by Anon to throw us off." Twilight used her magic to blast the doors open and right on que a cloaked figure jumped out of the window and ran off, the mares ignored it and instead went to the back of the shop where they saw another cloaked figure jumping out of the window and taking off. "Don't let him get away!" The mares went out the back door and followed in hot pursuit, a few pegasi tackled the figure into submission and then gave questioning looks.
"Um, Twilight? Do humans run on four legs?"
Twilight raised a brow and removed the cloak, and gasped when she saw Pinkie Pie instead of Anon. "Pinkie!? But... you... where is the human!?"
"Anny knew you would ease-drop on our plan, so we switched rolls! Pretty clever, huh?"
"B-but if your here, then..." Twilight put the pieces together in her head, then she started to seethe with anger. "He... Ran right past me, in plain sight..."
"CURSE YOU ANONYMOOOUUS!!"
"Huh?" Anon looked back to hear Twilight's shouting in the far distance. Anon chuckled to see his plan was a success.
"YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME FOREVER! DO YOU HEAR ME!?"
"Ehehe, just try and stop me, book worm." Anon said to himself as he entered the hospital doors with a half-smile on his face. Once inside he pulled out a walkie-talkie and spoke. "Hey Fruit-cake, I'm at the rendezvous point and awaiting your report."
"Hey Anny, I was able to drive them away from you and give them the slip! Where are we meeting at, again?"
"Don't you remember Fruit-cake? After I raid the hospital you and me meet-up at the apple-farm! Honestly, I sometimes wonder what goes through your head and what doesn't, anyway I'll see you then." Anon's end of the line buzzed out, Twilight pressed the button down and spoke in Pinkie's voice "I'll see you there... Anny."
"Mmhmfmh!"
"Hush you! You betrayed us, so you no longer have the privelage to speak!" With Pinkie bound in rope and silenced with a duck tape muzzle, Twilight looked out into the night and smiled. "I told you that you couldn't hide forever, it's only a matter of time..." Twilight and a few of the stronger unicorns walked to the Apple farm, with rope bundles and duct tape levitating along side them.
Author's Note
Happy Easter everypony!
So yeah, this chapter actually came out at a not-so-late time which really surprised me! Anyways, I realize I haven't given you the surprise I mentioned from the last chapter, but just be patient, it'll come when it's ready. For now, just enjoy your holiday involving a bunny who lays eggs breaking into ponies homes and leaving baskets full of candy and in the meantime I'll see you all in court... or in therapy, whichever comes first...
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Then Shit Hits the Fan: Part three
Anon was laying on a hospital bed and reading from a Daring Do novel to relieve his boredom, sure he would've preferred something with more violence and pictures like the Deadpool comics he collected back on Earth, but pony society, much to Anon's displeasure, lacks the concept of a superhero that has the ability of inhuman healing and is stuck in his own little world both outside and even during combat. Deadpool was one of the more infamous heroes known by Marvel fans and the internet, he's mentally and humorously insane, a man-child, has voices in his head that he talks to, and everyone loves him. He even got his own game for god's sake, and it was brilliant! Plus there are countless Deadpool cosplayers at the Comic-cons Anon had the pleasure of meeting and most of them were quite entertaining. A thumping noise brought Anon back to reality, he saw the book he was reading on the floor. "Ah crap, I guess I got lost in thought..." Anon picked up the book and placed it on the counter top next to the bed, he then reached into his pocket and pulled out a checklist. "Let's see... Get a house? I'll put that as a maybe. Make a lot of cash?" Anon looked over to the chest in the corner of the room and smiled. "Definitely a check. Find a way to broadcast Earth television to this dimension?... That could take a while, so no check. Meet Fruit-cake at the farm and plan our next hit? Double check." Anon put the list back in his pocket and pulled up his covers, after he looked around to make sure the doors were boarded up and the windows were triple-braced he turned off the lights and snuggled into his bed. Anon soon fell asleep, unaware of the crimson eye that looked down at him through the gap in the window's boarding. Anon awoke to the sound of birds chirping in the distance, he quickly packed all his things, including the bag of salvaged medical supplies and removed the barricade he set up. After he carefully opened the door and surveyed the halls of potential rapists he ran down the hall and burst through the sliding doors of the hospital entrance. Thankfully the glass doors didn't injure him or slow his pace and he was even more thankful that the town was void of ponies, but that didn't stop him from suspecting that they just didn't notice him yet so he continued his sprint. His running eventually slowed to a casual walk when he was absolutely certain that Ponyville was truly uninhabited, no need to waste precious energy for running/fighting.
"Hey!"
Anon turned to see a Rainbow-maned mare leaning against a tree and froze up in fear, the mare just rolled her eyes at Anon's cowardice. "Relax, human, I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanna know the time."
"Um... around eight thirty?"
"Alright, thanks." Rainbow tried to stand but her slightly bloated belly refused to cooperate, Anon hesitantly walked over to her and helped her to her hooves. "Thanks... Um."
"Anonymous, but most call me Anon." Anon explained. "So, why are you leaving me alone anyways?"
"After the little stunt you pulled that trashed Twilight's library I just decided to avoid getting caught up in whatever trouble your in, I already have one crazy friend and I don't need another." Rainbow explained, to which Anon nodded.
"Alright then, say do you know where the Apple farm is?"
"Yeah, it's down that way." Rainbow pointed toward a dirt path that lead to a large orchard.
"Thanks, I'll see ya later I guess." Anon adjusted his loot chest and walked down the path, waving goodbye to the bloated pegasus. When he arrived he noticed the farm was abandon too, which drew out Anon's suspicions.
"(Anon, it's a trap.)" Anon's gut signaled by slightly tightening up.
"I know gut, I know... But I still have to rescue Pinkie." Anon said to his stomach, which surprisingly gurgled in response. "(Your funeral, bro.)"
Anon walked up to the large barn and slowly opened the doors, everything was pitch-black and dead silent which made Anon's ass clench to levels he never knew were possible. He was hesitant but eventually he spoke. "Fruit-cake? You in here?"
"Psst! Anny, over here!"
Anon smiled and slowly crept into the barn, just as he had made it a few feet inside the doors slammed shut behind him, a small light broke the darkness which grew brighter and brighter, and of all the ponies it was Twilight who made herself known.
"Aww, what's wrong Anny? Were you expecting somepony else?" Twilight mimicked Pinkie's voice flawlessly, most likely with that unfair unicorn magic of hers. "Don't worry Anny, we'd be honored to keep you company..."
"We?" Anon questioned, it was then that two new lights pierced the darkness, two new unicorns appeared on the left and right sides of the room with faces just as hungry as Twilights. "Oh, fuck me side-ways..."
"Oh Anny," Twilight said while fluctuating her voice, switching from Pinkie's to her own as she spoke. "That's suppose to be my line!"
Twilight's horn flared with raw magical light, blinding Anon from the sudden flash. Anon screamed as his eyes boiled in stinging pain, he started trashing about in an effort to try and defend his helpless condition from Twilight. Luckily for him he felt one of his uncoordinated kicks strike something that gave a shout in pain. Anon couldn't see but he guessed that he hit a leg since the victim fell with a thud.
"Owch! That really hurt!"
"Be careful, Lyra said they have strong legs!"
Anon's sight had slowly returned to him and he saw one of the unicorns rubbing her back-hoof in an effort to sooth the pain, the other unnamed unicorn was levitating a rake and standing in front of her friend defensively. "S-stay back! I mean it!"
Anon raised a brow in confusion, then a sly grin formed on his face. He started growling and slowly walked up to the now shaking mare, he grabbed the rake and ripped it from her magical grasp, throwing it across the room. Her shaking turned into trembling as Anon crept closer and closer. Once Anon was as close to her as he felt was needed he smiled with a wicked grin, showing his human canines which frightened the poor mare even further. Anon then licked his lips and chuckled sadistically. "You know, I've never eaten horse meat before..."
That was her breaking point, the mare screamed with an ear-shattering magnitude, grabbed her friend with her telekinesis and teleported away. Anon then turned to Twilight who was stomping her hooves in frustration. "You insolent baboon, why must you always ruin my plans!?"
"Because if I didn't you'd rape me?"
"... Well as true as that is, it doesn't matter anymore." Anon started to back away slowly, Twilight's horn started to glow a feint purple. "Because now, I have you right where I want you. Just you and me in a locked room with no way of escaping..." Anon was lifted by Twilight's magic and dragged to her. "I have you at check-mate, Anonymous. Now, I shall claim my prize..."
A blur flew by Twilight catching her attention away from Anon, she couldn't find anything else in the room so she turned back to Anon who was... Gone? "W-what the buck!?" Twilight looked around and noticed a cloaked figure holding a surprised Anon and gently laying him down. At first Twilight thought it was just Pinkie but then the thin crack between the neck garb and the hood revealed a small, red eye that pierced the darkness... And if that wasn't enough proof the figure stood up to it's full height, almost reaching Anon's in comparison. It was hard to see but judging by it's posture it stood on two legs like Anon, it's arms were hidden by the long sleeves and the cloak itself covered everything else so it was difficult to determine the creature's species let alone it's identity.
"W-who are you!?"
The figure didn't speak, instead it reeled it's arm back and threw out little pellets that burst into a strange smelling liquid. Twilight was coughing and hacking from the strange scent and for some reason felt very drowsy, after a solid fifteen seconds of coughing she passed out, causing the doors to unlock from the magic cut-off. The cloaked figure was the only one who was unaffected by the strange chemical, it slung the sleeping Anon over it's shoulder and dropped a small ball, it exploded in a burst of smoke and when the smokescreen cleared they were gone.
(An undetermined amount of time later)
Anon had awoken from his dreamless nap, he was in a bed with the cloaked figure staring out the window. "Um... hello?" The figure turned to Anon with a stoic gaze, it didn't respond. "Well, whoever you are, thanks for saving my ass from that crazy mare. I didn't even catch your name." The person remained silent, turning away from Anon. "Are you... gonna tell me your name?"
"Really, Anonymous? You don't even recognize me?" the figure said in a feminine voice. "I'm hurt, of all people I thought you'd recognize me..."
"Look, I'm sorry if I don't know who you are but I've been living in a world inhabited by-"
"Shizuki..." The person interrupted, causing Anon to pause for a brief moment.
"D-did you say..."
"Yes, I am Shizuki Natsu, do you remember me?"
"Your damn right I remember you! I had a restraining order placed on you, you damn stalker!"
"That wasn't very nice, Anon." She said in feign sorrow.
"Yeah, and neither is waking up tied to a bed with the cops busting down the door while your captor tries to escape through the window!"
"Anon, that was a long time ago." Shizuki retorted.
"That was literally two weeks ago! Wait, how the hell did you get here anyways!?"
"Oh Anon, nothing's impossible to achieve when you have determination, a magnetic particle manipulator, and one of the richest families in Tokyo." Shizuki removed her hood and revealed her short, cyan hair, and no that isn't her natural color either. Shizuki was an anime fan by heart and was a fan of a certain anime Anon couldn't remember, all he knew was it involved an angel who had had short, cyan hair and lived with a guy who was named after a tree. Anyways she knew Anon back during her college years when she transferred to Anon's school, one kind gesture later and she was Anon's licensed, full-time stalker. Now your probably thinking 'Why is Anon avoiding her?', well the problem itself was Shizuki. Now it wasn't because she was ugly, she's far from that. The reason he avoids her is because of her age, Anon was twenty-four last time he checked and Shizuki is around seventeen, not only is there a big age gap but by law she isn't even considered legal. Another question that bugged Anon to no end was how in the hell did an eleven year old girl manage to get into a college in the first place?
"Anon!"
"Ah, what!?"
"You need to pay attention Anon, I said get ready." Shizuki informed.
"Why?"
"Anon! Open up!" A voice shouted from behind the door, it sounded familiar but Anon couldn't quite put his finger on it. "C'mon Anny, open the door, I gotta pee!"
"Fruit-cake, is that you?"
"Open the door, Anny, this place only has one bathroom and it's in the bedroom!"
Anon opened the door and Pinkie rushed through and entered the bathroom across the room, Shizuki stared with a questioning gaze.
"Don't mind her, she's one of the good ones." I told her, which she responded by nodding. Pinkie soon left the bathroom with a hop to her step and a flushing sound.
"Whew, that was a close one. I didn't think I was gonna make it... Oh, hey Anny! Who's your friend?"
"That's Shizuki, she's an accomplice I met back on Earth. She's also my stalker." Shizuki smacked the back of Anon's head and glared at him. "Stop calling me a stalker, I'm the only hope you have at surviving... whatever you got yourself into, so it would be wise for you to shut your mouth before I lose my patience."
"I suppose your right about that, your the best fighter out of all of us here... Just keep your hands to yourself, I can't trust you yet." Shizuki nodded to Anon, removing her cloak in favor of the clothes she wore underneath which was her trademark fighting gi she always wears. Another notable detail to mention is Shizuki is a dedicated martial artist. Anon's never seen her in action but most of the time the ones who get to see her skills are usually the victims of her onslaught. Plus with the help of her rich family she was only taught by the best of the best and nothing less of that, this scared Anon because the only thing keeping him from waking up in a full body cast with a feeding tube in his neck was Shizuki's undying love for him which served as his sole protection.
"So... Anybody got a plan on what to do next?"
Pinkie and Shizuki shook their heads.
"Alright... Fruit-cake, when's this whole thing gonna blow over?"
"I think this is the last day, so if we can make it to sunrise we'll be home free!" Pinkie said, which caused Anon to smile.
"Alright then, since it's the last day of this I say we go off with a bang!" Anon took Shizuki's hand and looked at her with a serious face. "Shizuki, I'm gonna need your help in this, are you up to the challenge?"
Shizuki just stood there blushing like a tomato, Anon snapped his fingers to reel her back into reality. "Focus Casanova, I need your full attention for this, if it fails I'm a goner!"
"I understand, what do you need me to do?"
"Simple, just watch me from this window and wait for my signal, you'll know what to do." Anon left the room and opened the front door, he didn't really know where he was but it was definitely in Ponyville and it had a lot of mares waiting for him. They all stared at Anon while he just stood there with a cocky smirk.
"Stallion!"
They all charged at him, Anon raised his arm up with his hand flat and facing up signing them to stop, for an odd reason they stopped dead in their tracks. "Hey Shizuki, wanna know why they're after me!? They wanna have sex with me before you ever get to!"
Everything was quiet, a little too quiet perhaps. Anon simply stood there looking at his fingernails with that smug look like the confident little prick he was. "Three, two, one, aaand..." Anon pointed at the front door and it exploded in broken wood and sawdust, when the dust cleared a fist was sticking out of the frame with the owner of said fist hidden in the unlit home interior. Surprisingly, the hand retracted and another human walked out of the house, it's eyes were hidden by it's cyan bangs but the small frown it had showed it was not a happy camper.
"Oh my Celestia... It's... Another human!"
"Yurusenai..." Shizuki spoke in a whisper, her fist clenching in quiet rage. The mares could barely pick up on what she said so one had asked the question no pony else dared to ask.
"What did you sa-"
"Yurusenai!!"
Shizuki grabbed a pipe from the house's frame and ripped it clean off the wall, she spun it above her head at rapid speeds for a roughly five seconds then she swiped it across the dirt road, kicking up dirt and showing just how badass she truly was. "Dare ga ikutsu ka o nozonde iru!?"
The mares wouldn't dare speak after that display, a few moments passed and Shizuki huffed in frustration and readied her weapon. "Bakkin, watashi ga saisho no ketsueki ishi kimeru..."
"Um... My japanese is a bit rough but I think she said in order 'Unforgivable' then she asked 'who wants some' or something along those lines and finally I think she said 'Fine, I will decide first blood'... So yeah, you really pissed her off and... Well, I'd start running if I were you." Shizuki rushed past Anon and smacked a poor mare in the side of the head with her improvised staff, knocking her out in one fatal blow. Shizuki then turned toward the crowd, glaring at them with crimson irises that dared the ponies to retaliate against her and see what would happen. The mares scattered, screaming in fear of the new human that could easily destroy them with the flick of her wrist. When all the mares entered their respective houses and barricaded their doors Shizuki nodded to herself and walked over to Anon.
"Kisushite!"
"Speak the King's English, dammit!"
"I said, kiss me!"
"No, you got a big, hairy bug on your face." The moment Anon said that Shizuki screamed and smacked her own face with her weapon on instinct, effectively knocking herself out and giving herself a large welt on her forehead. Anon looked down at her and shook his head. "Jeez... What am I gonna do with you?" Anon knew better than to just ditch her so he picked her up bridal style and made his way toward Fluttershy's cottage, but then he realized that he forgot something. "Fruit-cake! Grab my loot chest and bring it over to Fluttershy's place, and don't steal any of it!"
"Gotcha covered, Anny!"
Anon continued his walk knowing his loot was in safe hooves, however, he stopped when a purple hoof grabbed his shoulder. "Where do you think your going?" Twilight spun Anon around and drew her hoof back for a punch, but right as she was ready Shizuki's fist nailed her in the jaw, knocking her lights out. Anon looked down at Shizuki who looked up at him with a single half-open eye and a cute grin.
"You little faker..." Was Anon angry? Yes. But could he stay mad at that face?... Well, he could try, but it would only end in failure. So like the lone survivor in an apocalypse movie, Anon walked off into the sunrise with the wind blowing against him and the satisfaction of knowing he made it, that he beat the estrus...
"Are... Are you angry at me, Anon?"
"Sigh ... No, I'm not angry at you. I mean, you did save my ass two or three times... Hell, I should be thanking you." Shizuki snuggled into Anon's arms, she felt a little better knowing Anon wasn't mad at her and decided to enjoy herself. Anon rolled his eyes and spoke to her."You know your more trouble than your worth, right?"
"Yep, but that's what you and me have in common, Anon." Shizuki said, winking at Anon with a mischievous smile.
"Touche, Shizuki, touche..."
Shizuki rolled her head against Anon's chest, closing her eyes and snuggling further into him. "I love you, Anon."
"I know, kid... I know..."
Author's Note
SURPRISE!!!
Anon get's an adorable Japanese yandere-ish new friend! Now I will admit this new character isn't made from scratch, she's actually based off of a side character from one of my scraped stories I created when I first got into writing fanfiction which I may post in the future... Maybe. Now the previous Shizuki had some changes compared to the current Shizuki, like how the previous one was much less subtle with her advances on the main character, had a large spiked Kanabo, high pain tolerance, was part of a ninja squad, and usually ended up being tazed by the main character when she got a bit too touchy. Am I brilliant or am I brilliant?...
Don't answer that.
Anyway, this will be the last part in this three part chapter of actual story plot so now I must wait for my brain to cool down and concoct another good idea, see you guys two nanoseconds before yesterday!
P.S. I'm sorry if my Japanese is a little off, I'm still learning and it's a surprisingly difficult language. Also yes, Shizuki is an official main character... God help us, but more specifically help Anon. That is all.
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
An adventuring we will go!
"Zzzzzzzzz... Eh? The hell?" Anon woke up laying on a white table, he looked around and saw the entire room was white except for the transparent blue wall to his right which had a humanoid figure behind it. She was levitating off of the ground and was wearing a lab-coat by the looks of it, her face was hidden from his view.
"Bring up Holo-recorder, file C, Subject 45309." A Holographic touch-screen digi-structed in front of the humanoid, it's newly discovered voice sounded feminine. "Begin voice recording, Upon further study of this misplaced creature I've discovered it's true species lies in the northern part of the universe, it's from a little planet called Earth that lies within in an empty solar system. Of course, I haven't the slightest clue as to how it appeared on the planet Equiss from the western quadrant, but hopefully I will find out when our passenger awakens. End of voice recording." The screen beeped and teleported to an unknown location, the alien turned around and saw Anon was wide awake. "Ah, you've finally awakened, human." the alien said with a welcoming tone. "Allow me to welcome you to my ship, I am Rah." She further announced.
"Are... Are you taking me back to Earth?"
"Earth? Oh, I'm afraid not, your little disappearing act caused quite a stir over the heads of the galaxies so your going to see the GFA, or the Galactic Federal Association, for whatever reason that they deem fit." The alien explained.
"So from what your telling me, technically I'm being arrested?"
"Hmmm... As a regulation guide I'm suppose to tell you that's not true but in a nutshell your right for the most part." Anon sighed in annoyance. "Hey, don't worry, Human. The worst thing they can do is wipe your memory clean and send you back to the planet I found you on. Besides, the GFA have more urgent matters to go through, like the space pirate raids on their cargo ships." That certainly took Anon by surprise, Space Pirates of all things?
"So you guys have trouble with Space Pirates?"
"Sadly, yes. The bastards keep attacking cargo drops and supply beacons in an attempt to steal high-tech weaponry, why do you ask?"
"Your probably not gonna understand this, but isn't that a bit cliche'd?"
"Well thanks to your human's modern media it would seem that way to you, but they are no laughing matter... Oh, that reminds me-" Rah pressed a button and the transparent wall dissipated, now clearly revealing Anon's captor. Not much was new besides her short, purple hair and her abnormal eyes. The sclera was coal black instead of white and she had hazel irises with the normal black pupil... Oh, and she had an additional eye on her forehead with the same color scheme as the other two. The last detail was she had four fingers instead of five like Anon had, her species had a lot of similarities to Anon's own but she wasn't quite there. "-The GFA HQ is surrounded by a special barrier that disintegrates any intruders lacking the barrier bypass injection, since you lack this injection I'm going to have to give it to you so you don't corrode all over my floor when you pass the barrier."
"Injection? Like, a shot?"
"Not exactly, just stand still and open your feeding hole." Anon complied knowing full well that stuff was about to get weird. Rah planted her lips onto Anon's and then he felt slip down his throat and wriggle around. Anon's psyche right now was frightened but slightly aroused for some odd reason, he tried to struggle away but the room started spinning and he lost all feeling to his entire body. Once Rah retracted her elongated tongue from Anon's mouth he fell back with a thud. Anon's hearing started to fail him now and his peripheral vision blurred, Rah just smiled. "Sleep now, human, it will all be over soon..."
"Fuh... F-fuck..." Anon passed out...
"Zzzzzzz... Mnh, what the?" Anon woke up in his white room like he did before, he tried to get up but a pain shot through his spine causing him to fall back down. "Ah sonova bitch! Why does my ass hurt?"
"Ah, human, your awake! I'm happy to announce that the injection was a complete success!"
"You... You probed me, didn't you!?"
"I'm sorry, human, but if I told you the injection was a suppository you wouldn't be as cooperative." Rah explained.
"Well, what in the name of ass-play did you shove up there!?"
"Nothing you need to concern yourself with. "Rah said in monotone.
"NOW ENTERING GFA DOCKING BAY, ACTIVATING LANDING GEAR. " A robotic voice announced.
"Thank you, Wilhelm, initiate landing protocol and lower bridge."
"AT ONCE, RAH. " the room rumbled and the left wall opened up.
"Geez, I try to get one night of sleep and I'm being arrested for pissing off the heads of the freakin' universe." Anon said to himself, before he could move Rah stopped him and equipped two rings onto Anon's wrists. When they were secured they connected themselves with a blue plasma tether and bound Anon's hands together. "Sorry, human, custody protocol specifically says that the escort must arrive wearing cuffs."
"Fine, let's just get this over with as quickly as possible." Anon said as he walked down the ship's bridge, where he was met by a few dozen guards wielding plasma rifles. "Halt... Human?"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"What the hell are you doing here, Earthling?"
"Um, they told me that I needed to see the head of this place... Something about me causing a stir in the galaxies?"
"That? The commander dismissed that file two days ago!"
"Than why the hell am I here?"
Anon heard a click and noticed a strange gun prodding his abdomen, the holder being Rah. "Nobody move, or I blow this human to oblivion along with the rest o' you lot!"
"Oh shit, she's got a detonator!"
"Stop your squabbling! Now, I've implanted a high-powered nuclear bomb in this human's rectum, so you bunch o' ninnies are loading all your cargo shipments onto my ship or I destroy this entire station!"
"Fuck you!" Anon shouted as he elbowed her gut, causing her to drop the detonator. Anon kicked it over to the troopers and they picked it up, breaking it in half. "Hey assholes, are you just gonna sit there and make me do all the work or are you gonna help me!?" The troops were staring at Anon, or rather, at something near him. That's when he heard the sound of engines behind him.
"They sent for reinforcements... Ah, Fuck me with a rake!"
Anon rushed to the nearest wall and took cover, a huge bang sounded and Anon fell on his ass from the splash effect of the explosion. A soldier flew onto his lap with a few dents on his armor. " cough ... H-Help... me..."
Anon dragged him back into a hidden corridor and set him against the wall. "Shit, medic!... Medic!... Dammit, where the hell is the Medic!?"
"Hang on, I'm comin'!" The soldier rushed through the oncoming plasma shots with no injuries and quickly took of the injured soldier's helmet. "Shit, we're losing him!"
"Anon! What the hell is going on!? "
"Long story Nightmare, can't talk, being shot at! " A stray plasma shot flew by Anon's head, scaring the piss outta him. "Sonova Whore! "
"Shit, we lost him!"
"Dammit Private Haircut, give me some good news!... Wait a friggin' minute, I got an idea." Anon broke off his cuffs by banging them repeatedly on the wall and then ripped off the dead soldiers armor and equipped it to himself; first the chest plating, then the pants, boots, back armor, then finally the helmet. Lastly he grabbed the soldiers and the medic's plasma rifles and dual wielded them. "Alright, who wants a piece of the champ!?"
"Hey, that's my gun!"
"Sorry, nurse, but I need this more than you do at the moment." Before the medic could speak Anon ran into the fray, bobbing and weaving passed bullets on pure instinct, skill, and adrenaline.
"Anonymous, what in name of the flaming pits of hell are you doing!? "
"Quiet! I'm in an adrenaline rush and your pissing me off!"
"Anon! "
Sorry, that's the adrenaline talking and FUCK YOU!" Anon shot a pirate in the back and he was sent spiraling across the room. "Holy hell this thing's awesome!" Anon was blasting pirate after pirate with his guns, when he ran out of ammo he just grabbed another gun from a corpse and started shooting again. He grabbed all sorts of different guns from RPGs to SMGs and even a shotgun or two, Anon murdered pirate after pirate while in his rampage and survived long enough to fight off the wave of pirates as the final ship landed. "Is that all you got!? I've seen storm-troopers with better aim than you porch monkeys!"
'Thump '
Anon stopped his mocking as a large creature exited the ship, a hulking beast of a space pirate slowly stomping up to Anon with a face that was all kinds of pissed off. "So, your the little wetch that's been killing my troops? "
"Ehehe, you know it, Pork-Drippin's!"
"Hmph, smug little bastard ain't ya?...Fine then, all the more reason to skin your hide and wear it as a coat, monkey! "
"You wanna bet on it, you pot-bellied mutant!? Then come at me!"
Anon bolted for cover and grabbed a grenade from his chest belt, he pulled the pin and let it cook in his hand. "You can't hide from the inevitable, you bald simian! "
Anon barreled away from his cover in the nick of time, as the behemoth crushed it with his RPG blast.
"Here's a peasant, for ya!" Anon threw the grenade and shielded his eyes, a bang sounded as a bright flash enveloped the room. The Juggernaut pirate screamed loudly and recoiled. "MY EYES, I CAN'T SEE! AAH, IT BURNS!! "
"Gotcha!" Anon rushed the large pirate and grabbed his shotgun by the neck, he swung and slammed the brute in the stomach with the gun's stock. The brute bent down as the wind and ribs were knocked out of him, giving Anon the opportunity to drop kick the side of his head, knocking the pirate onto the ground with a slight concussion. Anon climbed onto his back and pulled out his switchblade, a crooked grin hidden behind the helmet and visor. Anon ripped off his helmet and stabbed him in the side of the neck causing purple blood to splash from the pirate's reptilian neck, staining Anon's armor with the blood of the fallen. The juggernaut gurgled and struggled to get back up on his feet, but it was too late, he'd already drown from his own blood. However, Anon wasn't done yet, he slid down the monster's back and grabbed it's head, then with a few mighty jerks , ripped the head right off of it's neck, dragging the spine along with it.
"I! Am! Awesome!! " Anon shouted, holding the decapitated lizard head above his own to show off his glorious trophy. He threw it on the ground and pointed at a frightened trooper. "You! I want that head skinned and meat free by the time I wake up! And if you even think about removing the spine from my trophy I will eat your next of kin!" Anon then jumped down from the body and walked a short distance, then passed out mid-step. His adrenaline rush had finally subdued and the surviving troopers were either dead silent or helping their injured comrades.
"Alright, what the damn diddly squat is going on!?"
"G-General! This... this human just single-handedly killed that Executioner!"
"Well, color me impressed... So, where's the jack-hole's head?"
"The human ripped it off and told Private Collins to skin it for his trophy... and that if Collins removed the spine the human would eat Collin's next of kin...?"
"Ah, reminds me of my first adrenaline high, did I ever tell you that story, Private?"
"Y-yes, Ge-"
"Yep, bludgeoned a commando to death with his own bloody arm... Sad though, he bled out before I could finish him off myself... Ah well, Private Collins, skin that Executioner's severed head and I'll present it as a trophy for our little psycho, and that's an order!"
"Y-Yes, sir!"
(Anon's dream-scape)
"What in the name of the seventh moon was that!?"
"I... I don't know... I just lost myself in the heat of battle..."
"And ponies call ME a monster, I've never seen a battle so... bloody." Nightmare shuttered that last part, trying to suppress her need to vomit.
"Well, that's the power of human insanity. But yeah, I'm definitely never doing that again." Anon said as he drew four cards from a deck, he tossed the first one to the side and laid the rest face-up side-by-side. He then tossed in a few chips onto the growing pile between the two. "I bet five hundred."
Nightmare tossed in the same amount ."Call."
Anon junked another card and placed a new card next to the three. "I raise to fifteen hundred." Anon announced, tossing in a handful of chips. Nightmare matched his bet.
"Still, are all humans like you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know; insane, funny, cocky, humorously unlucky?"
"Nah, human's aren't just copy-and-paste replicas of each other, we're all different, both mentally and physically." Anon junked a card and laid a new card down next to the last one he drew, then he threw another handful of chips into the pile. "We have our own separate talents, weaknesses, personalities, even races... Kinda like the ponies."
"Huh, so your one of a kind." Nightmare matched Anon's bet and they both flipped their cards, Anon had a straight while Nightmare had three of a kind.
"Crap, thought I had that round." Anon said in defeat.
Nightmare took the pile of chips and added it to her own, then dealed the next hand. "But Anon, since we've finally been given this downtime I'd like to ask about that other human that fauns over you."
"You mean Shizuki? That girl's been after my junk for a long time, but I can't give in to her." Anon said as he payed the small blinds.
"Well, what do you have against her?"
"She's simply too young for me, she's still a teenager and I've been an adult for a few years now. Under-aged relationships are strictly illegal and is a taboo for my race, and I still follow human customs to an extent. She's a sweet girl but I simply can't do that to her, it'd be wrong on so many levels." Anon explained to Nightmare, she understood him perfectly.
"Well why hasn't she just forced you yet?"
"You assume she hasn't? She's tried sexual assault on multiple occasions but it always ends up with the police arresting her, then her father bails her out and erases all records of her arrest, and finally rinse and repeat." Anon said as Nightmare paid the big blinds and tossed a few chips.
"How are you still in one piece?"
"Nightmare, I still ask myself that to this day, and I honestly have no idea how I do it." Anon looked at his cards and folded, Nightmare took the chips.
"Well Anon, you do know that there are no law enforcers in Ponyville besides the elements of harmony, correct?"
"... Your kidding...Right?"
"With this knowledge in mind, who will protect you from this human girl's wrath, hm?"
"... Nightmare, I don't wanna go home." Anon said.
"Well, suck it up, maybe she doesn't know yet?"
"Rather cold-hearted, but I guess your right... So, should I be waking up yet?"
"Hmm... Yeah, right about now." Anon passed out and re-awoke in a medical bed, a strange reptilian skull with spine was next to his bed with a note attached.
Dear Psychopathic Earthling
We were successful in removing the bomb in your rectal cavity and are sending you back to the planet you were found on, planet Equiss, along with your trophy skull, and as a bonus, the blood-stained armor that protected the brave trooper currently reading this note. Please note that you are in an escape pod set to crash land on the planet, so brace yourself!
Head General of the GFA
Anon was tossed from his bed by the sudden impact of his crash landing, the sound proofing was a nice touch as it muffled the sounds of light screaming coming from outside. "Ah, sonova... Oh, he even left my armor on me." Anon took a few minutes to clean-up his suit and approached the door, which was ripped from it's hinges by an unknown force.
(Outside)
"Miss Shizuki, would you please stop trying to rip the door off of it's hinges?" Twilight asked, but her request fell on deaf ears.
"I know my little Anon is in here... I can feel it!"
Shizuki finally forced the doors open and saw a humanoid figure clad in a thick armor, which was light blue with purple splotches on it.
"Um... T-That's not Anonymous!"
The figure took off it's helmet and revealed itself to be Anonymous the Human, leaving Twilight flabbergasted and Shizuki drooling. "Welp, I'm back from annihilating space pirates!"
"Anonymous!? Where have you been all this time!?"
"Weeeell, I got abducted last night by aliens, then they took me to the Galactic Federal Association HQ, after that I killed a LOOOOT of space pirates, decapitated the pirate Executioner and kept his skull and spinal cord as a trophy, and then I wake up in a space pod wearing the blood-stained armor that I used during my killing spree, and here we are." Anon then went to retrieve his skull while Twilight was trying to process all of this information, he slung it over his shoulder and walked off, not giving a shit that he was toting around a huge alien skull.
"Mmm... I always loved a man in uniform.~" Shizuki said to herself, following behind Anon the space warrior. Twilight just started her walk back to the house. "Celestia's gonna flip her lid when she hears about where Anon's been for the last twenty-four hours."
Author's Note
Hey all you people, I'm back! So here's the short and sweet version of why I've been dead, my laptop charger died so I had to order a new one, a few weeks later I get it but as it turns out that wasn't the problem at all! Nope, it was the laptop battery that went belly up! So then I fall into a spiraling void of face-palm, then Skyrim comes along and eats up another week of my free-time, and here I am now using my sibling's computer like I should have done in the first place! So yeah, I'm not dead... well, I hope you like the chapter, tootles!
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
I Dream of Nightmare Horses.
"So, Anonymous, could you please explain WHY I am wearing a brittle?"
"I told you, this is an Earth thing. They call it Horse-Back Riding, which is when a human wearing the appropriate clothing (ie an awesome setson, Cowboy boots, winchester revolver, and the sweetest overcoat to ever come out of Redsteel 2! Seriously, that overcoat is badass.) rides on the back of a horse for sport, travel, or just for the hell of it!"
"Right, and who taught you how to do this exactly?"
"My father, he used horsepower to plow the gardens and taught me how to ride them to get the job done quicker." Anon explained.
"And the 'horses' agreed with this?"
"Nightmare, Horses and ponies are similar in physical build, but are completely different species on the inside. On my planet, they didn't have a sentient brain like humans or Equestrian ponies, they were just like any other animal in the brains department. They were trained to do this kind of thing, and in exchange we would house them and feed them. Also, they didn't have wings or horns, they didn't have cutie marks, and they only came in specific colors fit for their breed. Oh, and they were MUCH larger compared to your species, even taller than humans!"
"Oh? Than why don't you show me than?"
"..... Oh, right, this is a dream isn't it?"
With the snap of Anon's fingers he summoned the first horse that came to his mind, a large Earth horse appeared out of thin air, it's mane and tail was white and it had a brown coat and it wore a saddle with the reins to steer it. It's size was definitely larger than Nightmare's but she had the same height, only because of her horn though, if you didn't count that than the horse would have been taller than her. "You... Ride these things?"
"Well not this one specifically, but yeah, I can ride these things no problem." Anon climbed onto it's back and grabbed the reins, he whipped the reins and the horse took off with a neigh. He did a quick lap around the dream realm and pulled the reins back, the horse reared back, standing on it's back hooves and flailing it's front hooves in the air while letting out a loud neigh. Once it settled down and landed on it's front hooves Anon climbed down and the horse disappeared. "That's all there is to it."
"Well I am NOT taking part in this degrading ritual. It's barbaric and shameful." Anon shrugged and turned around, pondering.
"How about this, we'll only do this once and see how it feels, and in exchange I'll never ask for this again, deal?"
Nightmare remained silent, but let out a huff in defeat. "Alright, but only ONCE!" Nightmare lifted Anon with her telekinesis and set him on her back. She didn't know how to feel about this, it felt degrading but... Strangely it felt... Right? No, there was a better word for this.
"Nightmare, are you still with us?"
"Huh? Oh, yes..."
"So... Do you hate it?"
"Honestly i don't really know, it feels degrading but..."
"Feels natural?"
"... Yes... I think?... I'm not entirely certain..."
"Well, let's start moving I suppose." They stood there for a few seconds, Nightmare turned her head to Anon.
"Your... Not using the reins?"
"The horses aren't smart enough to heed vocal commands, so you gotta whip them to get them started. You aren't a horse, your a... Alicorn?"
"Oh! Well that's a relief, I thought you had to use them on me." Nightmare said with relief in her tone.
"Nightmare, if I used this thing on you I'd be a red stain on the wall. Now, let's see where this takes us!"
Elsewhere
"So, you want to know about Anon, huh?"
"Yes, I am... curious about his species." Princess Luna explained.
"Liar." Shizuki claimed. "Tell me the REAL reason your here, before I blow your cover."
"Fine, keep your voice down! I'm rather cautious of Anonymous and I need information regarding his species and planet, I figured that since you were a human as well-"
"Alright, cut the chatter." Shizuki looked around, then opened the door to Luna. "C'mon, before someone sees." Luna entered the home of Fluttershy, the pony who housed the humans, and followed Shizuki to Anon's room. "Now, before I tell you anything I must know," Shizuki whipped around and the next thing Luna knew was the cold steel of a dagger pressed against her neck. "Do you... Love Anon?"
"I... No?"
"Good." Shizuki sheathed the knife and her expression went from cold to warm. "I always hated people who would get in my way, and you didn't lie to my face this time! So, what kind of info are you looking for?"
"I need to know of Anon's power, could he be considered dangerous?"
"Dangerous?... Pfhahahaha! A-Anon being a thre-ahahahaha! Oh, princess, I didn't know you were such a joker. Anon can take a beating but him actually being a threat?"
"Anonymous is really that weak?"
"Listen Princess, there's a reason that I watch over him, besides my undying love for him of course, and that reason is because he can't defend himself. He's a crafty little sneak, but he could never hold his own in a fight!"
"Your certain of this?"
"Certain? I've been protecting him for years, he couldn't hold his own against a raccoon! Of course, he doesn't need to worry about being tough, I'll always be there to protect him." Shizuki swooned over Anon, Luna looked at her strangely and brought her out of her yandere day dream. "Oh... Pardon me, sometimes I get lost in thought. Anywho, you don't need to worry about Anon, he's relatively harmless unless someone or something hurts him."
"Hurts him? Is he dangerous when wounded?"
"No," Shizuki crushed a small rock in her grip. "But I am."
"Um... Well, I believe I have all the information I require, goodnight!" Luna quickly trotted out of the cottage and closed the door, then breathed a sigh in relief. "By the gods... I pray mercy on any unlucky soul who crosses Anonymous."
"They'll need more than mercy after I'm done with them." Luna froze as Shizuki walked past her, a smile of false innocence adorn her face. she went to Fluttershy's mailbox and dropped a letter inside, raising the flag up. "Oh, and goodnight Princess Luna." She went back inside the house, leaving Luna to think about who the real threat here was.
Anon's dream.
"Woah, Nightmare! Slow down already!"
"Oh this is so much fun! I haven't felt this good since I was young!" Nightmare was happily enjoying running across the grassy plains of Anon's dream realm, and poor Anon was holding on for dear life being the one riding on her back. At first nightmare was reluctant to this whole ordeal but things quickly got out of hand once she started experimenting with different speeds. "I was so used to using magic to get around, but this is so much more enjoyable than using my wings or horn!" Anon knew that she was too distracted to listen to him, so he took the risk and let go of her neck to try and grab the reins, he was successful and jerked the reins back with all his strength. Nightmare reacted immediately, coming to a grinding halt and standing up on her back hooves and letting out a neigh that sounded like an actual horse neigh. Once she realized what noise she just shouted to the heavens she quickly landed on her front hooves and blushed. "O-oh my... Um, I had no idea I could do that... Anon?"
"Holy... Holy crap... Alright, are you done running?"
"Are you alright, Anon? You look a little pale." Nightmare said.
"Yeah, I'm fine. That's just from the fear I had while you had your fun." Anon got off and immediately collapsed, Nightmare gasped and helped him up by craning her neck so he could use her for leverage.
"Anon, are you sure your alright?"
"I can't feel my legs at the moment, so there's that... But other than that I feel fine." Anon said.
"Oh, I pushed you too hard, didn't I?"
"It's fine, Nightmare, I should have had the reins in the first place so it's kind of my fault." Anon admitted.
"No, it was my fault for forgetting that I had a passenger." Nightmare argued.
"Nightmare, we can play the blame-game all night if we wanted, but instead of that let's just say we call a truce." Anon said.
"But I could've severely hurt you, Anon! It's my fault for being so reckless, and I stand by it!"
"Nightmare... It's okay, Nightmare, you don't have to beat yourself up over this, everyone makes mistakes." Anon let go of her neck and landed on his butt, he patted the ground beside himself and Nightmare sat down beside him. "If you wanna take the blame, i won't stop you."
"... Anon?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you... think I'm evil?"
"Evil? Of course not, but why do you ask?"
"Anon, look at me, I'm the very incarnation of shadow, the true ruler of darkness. My very name strikes fear into the hearts of millions, is that not evil?"
"No, your not evil. Your just dark... One moment," Anon snapped his fingers and a pokeball appeared in his hand, he threw it and a strange pokemon came out. It had fur as white as snow and a deep indigo skin-tone. It had beautiful red eyes and a growth coming out of the right side of it's head in the shape of a crescent or a scythe and it had a bald tail that resembled a bat wing. It also had a patch of fur missing on it's forehead in the shape of an oval and a long, slick mane. To Nightmare it resembled a white wolf with a scythe-shaped horn growing out of it's head but it gave off an ominous aura. "Nightmare, do you know this Pokemon?"
"Um... No, I don't?"
"This is the disaster Pokemon, Absol. It has the remarkable ability to predict future disasters such as earthquakes and tornadoes, and when it does it travels to any nearby areas that are populated to warn the people." Anon explained.
"So you show me something that's done heroic deeds, what's your point?"
"Well, Absol's ability of predicting future disasters has given it a bad reputation of being a harbinger of doom and a walking disaster. When people see it they either flee in terror or... Try and fight it because seeing an Absol is a bad omen. There are even people who think Absol itself caused the disaster, giving it an even worse reputation as being an evil creature! My point is darkness is often mistaken as being evil, but that doesn't mean it can't be evil. This concept goes along with light as well, people often thing light is good, but that doesn't mean it can't be evil."
"But I WAS evil, I wanted to bring eternal night to all of Equestria!"
"Do you still want to bring eternal darkness?"
"Well... No, I don't."Nightmare said.
"Than your not evil, your just good with an evil appearance. Darkness is, like I've said, often associated with evil, but that doesn't mean it IS evil. You have a good heart, Nightmare, and don't let other's opinions change that, even your own!"
"... Thanks, Anon... That means a lot to me." Nightmare said.
"Anytime, Nightmare... So what now?"
"I don't have any ideas, do you?"
"Hmm... say, do you think we share the same magic pool?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, if I could cast spells with your magic. Think it's possible?"
"Maybe, but let's focus on that once you wake up." Nightmare said.
"Alright, well how about some chess?"
Author's Note
Redsteel 2 Overcoat:
Hey, I'm back!... Again! Yeah, I had a bit of a mental block, but I think I'm better! I wasn't dead this time if you were wondering, i was writing some other stories to take my mind away from this one. But it's good to be back, see ya!
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
The Eyes of Darkness are Strange! Part 2
"Yes, Nightmare, it's me, Anon! Look, I'm gonna get you down from here as quick as I can, so just hang tight!"
"No, Anon, just... Just go away." Nightmare looked away from me. "I've already caused enough trouble as it is, and I don't want to cause any more..."
"Nightmare..."
"Look around, Anon, all this black fog... It is my energy overpowering your sanity. Right now, your current self is probably plotting to take over Equestria... Well, it should be, but apparently humans react to darkness very differently when compared to ponies. Humans simply go insane rather than completely evil... But the point is I'm responsible for this, so just go away." Nightmare said.
"The insanity makes sense... But why do you not want me to free you? I already realize that your afraid of harming me but I don't care if you harm me, I just want to get out of this place and I'm not leaving you here to die!"
"Don't you realize it Anon? There is no escape! The darkness will eventually corrupt you and nothing can break me free of this prison!"
"You think that I'm just gonna let this 'Darkness' push me around? Is that it?" The fog cleared itself out, leaving Anon and Nightmare to themselves.
"N-No way... That's... That's impossible!"
"Obviously you've forgotten who we used to be." A dark aura formed around Anon. "And you've forgotten what I am... There are a lot of differences between Equiss and Earth, but one key difference is this. Equiss is a place of harmony with barely any problems, while Earth is... Not so much. The economy is corrupt beyond repair, pollution is a problem, greed and wealth seem to dominate the more populated cities... Basically Earth is balanced out to an extent making humans tolerable to darkness. While ponies do not live in such a world and have little to no resistance to darkness. Well, that's my theory at least, and this is my next theory." Anon imagined appendages coming from the darkness and freeing Nightmare, and a moment later numerous portals opened up around Nightmare. Long tentacles appeared from them and released Nightmare from the torture device by ripping off the shackles that bound her. The tentacles managed to catch her before she hit the ground and gently placed her in front of Anonymous. "Oh I'm gonna like this little parlor trick."
"Anon... I... I'm so sorry for not telling you this would happen, I was afraid that you'd get rid of me." Anon hugged Nightmare, the tentacles receding into their portals.
"Nightmare, I would never get rid of you, and nothing will separate me from my best friend." Anon said. Nightmare hugged back and smiled. "Feel better?"
"Mhm."
"Good, now earlier you said there was no way out, but my associates say otherwise..." The tentacles jutted out from behind Anon's back and began swaying in the air. "I think I'm getting used to this!"
"To think, the Black Arms would surrender themselves to a mere mortal..."
"So, any ideas on how we get out of here?"
"Hmm... Well normally there would be no escape, but since you were able to free me there may be hope... We need to find the source that is corrupted, and my horn is detecting that it's coming from the brain." Nightmare informed.
"Typical... Alright, any ideas on how to deal with this?"
"I have a plan but it's a long shot, I'm going to copy an ancient technique invented for cleansing magic. I'm detecting multiple magical energies outside of this hell hole, so we can hopefully pull this off. Now, listen carefully..."
"MAYONNAISE-SENPAI IS GOING TO BE SO MAD AT ME FOR FORGETTING TO WATER THE PET ROCKS TOMORROW, SHE'LL COAT ME IN MOZZARELLA CHEESE AND STUFF ME IN HER RIB CAGE THEN TOSS THE KEY INTO AN ALBINO'S MOUTH!!!"
"Wow, he really has gone off the deep end." Shizuki stated. "What'd ya do to him?"
"We haven't done anything, we were wondering if this was just a human thing." Celestia explained.
"Human thing? Whatever this is it's not normal, even by human standards. What happened to him?"
"We're not entirely sure, but do you have a solution?"
"Besides a bullet to the head? No, but how about this?" Shizuki clocked Anon on the side of the head, he was knocked out. "There, should be easier to keep an eye on him now."
"AHAHAHA! THE PAIN IS DELIGHTFULL! MORE! MOOOORE!!"
"W-What the heck!? That should have shut you up!"
"NO, YOU TAKE A TIME-OUT! YOU ALL TAKE A TIME OUUUT!!!" The tentacles formed from him and lunged at Shizuki, but they fizzled out. "The screaming... WHERE'S THE SCREAMING!?!"
"Well at least the magical limiter works on him." Twilight said.
"YOU PADDED MY HAPPY SLAPS, NOW I'M GOING TO MAKE A SHIV OUT OF YOUR KNEE SOCKS!!" Anon froze up, then started banging his head against the wall he was propped on. "Grrr, SHUTUP-SHUTUP-SHUTUP!!!" He started flailing about, repeatedly bashing his head on the wall. "The voices... THE VOICES! KILL THE VOICES! A HOT POKER TO THE EYE, A KNIFE TO IT'S BACK, BURN IT ALIVE, ANYTHING!!! JUST MAKE THE VOICES STOP!!!... NO! I'M IN CONTROL, YOUR NOT!... YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, NO ONE'S GONNA SPOIL MY FUN!... YOU!? YOU THINK YOU CAN END US!? YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE CONTRO-... AAAAAUUUGH!!!" Anon twitched violently, his eyes ceased their glowing and Anon was back in control. "You can't hold me down, this is MY body and only I will control it!"
"Anon!"
"There's no time, charge me with all the magic you can provide, now!" Celestia complied and started charging Anon with her magic, Twilight followed suit. After a few minutes the aura receded into Anon. "Get... out of my... BOD-Buuurp! " Anon burped loudly, with a purple smoke exiting his mouth and nose fading into the air. "And... Stay out." Anon passed out.
"... pant ... pant ... The deed is done... Oh, and nice idea... Flooding out the darkness with pure magic..."
"Yes, I was afraid that it would convert the magic but I guess it couldn't handle it... Well, Anon, you are officially cured of the corruption." Nightmare said with a sigh.
"I'd make a Metroid joke but you wouldn't get it... Oh well, I'm pretty worn out so... I'm gonna take a... Eh?" Nightmare had fallen asleep, hugging Anon as she slept. "Well, you beat me to it..." Anon started to fall asleep in his dream, which means that he would simply not have a dream at all. He was to worn out to care so he let sleep take him away into the darkness...
"... Okay, I... I think everything's alright now... I detect no more darkness in his heart, so I believe the corruption has left his body." Relieved sighs flooded the room as Celestia delivered the good news, Shizuki then grabbed Anon's unconscious body and held him in a bear hug of spinal destruction.
"Oh my precious little Anon, I'm so glad you'll get better! Please wake up my sweet so I can give you my love~... Actually, could you stay aslee- HEY!" Shizuki was lifted away from Anon by the Princess's telekinesis.
"Come now, Miss Shizuki, Anon needs his rest and you harrassing him isn't helping." She pointed out, a pouting expression adorn Shizuki's face as she levitated in the air. "Besides, we have other important matters to discuss."
"Like?"
"Well, there's the pressing matters of your... Behavior over the last few days..."
"B-behavior!?"
"Need I remind you of an incident I had been told about involving you injuring a pony with an improvised staff?"
"But I was protecting Anon!"
"As I said, this is why we must discuss this incident." The two ascended the stairs of Twilight's house, and then the front door opened revealing Fluttershy.
"Um, Twilight? Have you seen- Oh, Anonymous! I was wondering where you ran off to... Oh my, he looks pale." Fluttershy ran a hoof over his forehead and he felt cold. "Oh dear, you poor little human, you got a case of the shivers!" Fluttershy whistled and a bear came in, where the bear came from I have no idea. "Mr. Bear, could you take him to the cottage?" The bear growled and grabbed Anon, tossing him over his shoulder. "Oh, thank you, now let's get him to bed." The two left with Anon, walking out the door and taking him to the cottage. What happened to the other crazy pony you ask? Well, I have no idea.
Author's Note
Hey guys! So, a lot of bad weather in my region. When I was working on the chapter some time ago the power went out and I threw a hissy fit because I lost not only my progress, but my inspiration as well... See, I planned to finish it before Steven Bomb 3 happened but apparently that wasn't gonna happen, so yeah. I hope you enjoyed this one, because making this one was a bit more of a hassle than I thought it would be. I know it's rather short but It's been a long two weeks... I think it's been two weeks... Ah well, see ya!
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Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Unnamed (auto named to hide spoilers you thirsty bitch)
Anon was walking through the town of Ponyville, carrying a large chest on his back like a merchant. "Huh, could've swore the damn house was around here..."
"Wasn't it near the Cake Shop? "
"Not sure, guess I should go and check." Anon adjusted the chest to a more comfortable position. "Damn thing is heavy..."
"Don't you have an easier way to carry this? "
"No, do you see anything that can make this fifty-ton chest easier to carry that can also hold it up?... Actually, it feels lighter today, maybe I'm getting stronger?" Anon's legs gave out and he landed on his ass, tuckered out and covered in sweat. "Sweet Mother of Aphrodite this thing is heavy..." Anon, for some unknown reason, felt the weight of the treasure lift off of him. He looked as far as his vertebrae would allow and saw a strange, blue aura surround his loot. "Huh?"
"You act like you've never witnessed unicorn magic, darling." A white unicorn with purple, stylish hair walked passed him. "I assume your the human that everypony is talking about, do you have a name?"
"Um... Anon, just Anon." Anon said, holding out his hand. The unicorn took it in her hoof and shook it.
"Well Anon, I am Miss Rarity. I run the boutique in this little town." She took her hoof back after introducing herself.
"Well, thanks for the lift. Say, do you know where the house that's being sold is?"
"Why yes I do, it's near Sugarcube Corner where my friend works." She said.
"Called it. " Nightmare said.
"Come with me, I shall lead you there." She continued on in the direction of the shop, Anon followed.
"You don't have to do this for me, you know." Anon said.
"Nonsense, you've been carrying that heavy thing all day... Where did you find such an artifact to begin with?"
"I raided a dragon den." Anon informed. "It's full of gems and gold, so it's... Heavy."
"Oh my, well let's get you to that house then!" Rarity then layed her head against Anon's hip, looking up at him with shimmering eyes. "Then maybe, I could take a little peak?"
"Uh, I wouldn't mind that but could you stop... Rubbing up against my leg?"
"What? Did I offend you in some way?"
"Eh... Not me, but Shizuki might be watching... Probably is, now that I think of it." Anon said.
"Shizuki, darling?"
"Let's just hurry and get to the house, it's for your safety." Anon looked around as they walked. "Hmm... Okay, looks like she won't hurt us."
"This Shizuki pony sounds dangerous." Rarity said.
"She's harmless unless it involves me I guess..."
"Oh, is this pony your marefreind, darling?"
"It's sort of one-sided... As in her obsessing over me." Anon explained. "She's a sweet girl, but she can be cruel if I'm in trouble."
"Cruel too...You?"
"Cruel to the dead-man who threatened me... Human relationships are usually more stable than this and the male is the one who protects the female, but she's far more stronger and smarter compared to me... So yeah, if anyone hurts me that will be the last thing they will ever do." Anon pat Rarity on the head. "But I wouldn't worry about that, as long as I'm not hurt or hit-on everyone will live happily ever after."
"She sounds... Brutish, no offence of course." Rarity said with a little hesitation.
"Nah, she's a tiny little thing compared to me." Anon brushed off. "I'm stronger than her when it comes to muscle, where she outranks me is by fighting styles and experience."
"Oh... What fighting style?"
"All of them." Anon said. "Well, most of them at least."
"I see... Well, Twilight said you were a friendly human, but your clothing is very worn down." Rarity pointed out.
"Well no one on this planet ever wear clothes so I have to make these last the rest of my life... Wouldn't hurt to have a Target out here..." Anon said.
"Why do you need a target, darling?"
"... It's a human thing." Anon said.
"Well I can make you some clothes after we're done here, I just need your measurements." Rarity explained.
"Ah thank god." Anon said in relief. "Thank you, Rarity. You have no idea how bad I need new clothes, if these rags gave out... Let's just say humans wear them for a reason."
"It's no trouble, darling." The two were approaching the cake-shop. "Well we've made it to our destination, Time-Tuner's house is across from your soon-to-be home." She pointed to the small clock shop which was right across from the new house. The new house was a reasonable size, though the door was smaller than Anon had hoped it to be.
"Hmm... Decent size for my height." Anon said to himself.
"Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room, kitchen, and an attic." A mare approached the two, she had a grey mane with a beige coat. From the small button pinned to her coat Anon assumed she was the mayor. "Are you looking to buy this plot of land, Human?"
"Yes, actually. I am also happy to inform that I can pay up-front." Anon dropped the chest and opened it, he beheld the large sand bags that............. "What... The hell... Happened to my treasure?..." Anon took out his switch-blade and cut open the sand bags, they were filled with clods of dirt and plain rocks.
"Anon? Is everything... Okay?
"Oh hell to the no!" Anon shouted, unleashing his inner sassy black woman. "HELL to the NO!"
"Anon, language!"
Anon ignored Rarity and spun around. "Where the hell my girl at!? Shizuki, get yo ass down here!"
Shizuki jumped down from a nearby roof and landed with a roll as to avoid the full force of the fall, she looked worried. "Oh no... He's going through one of his 'Sharquisha' moments."
"Bitches gonna die t'night... Shizuki, you gonna be my right-hand hoe, when we find those stealing skanks we send em to hell with a size 20 up each of their asses! You find out who stole my money, I'm gonna go pack some heat." Anon marched to Fluttershy's house, muttering under his breath death threats and cuss words.
"My word, he sounds like that uncouth mare I bumped into when I went to Neigh Jersey." Rarity said.
"I'm... really sorry you had to see that. When Anon get's angry he might start acting like this." Shizuki explained.
"Hmm... Why do you call it a 'Sharquisha' moment?"
"Whenever he got angry like this his sisters would start calling him Sharquisha, it just picked up along the way." Shizuki said. "Don't worry, he'll calm down and stop talking like he was raised in the ghetto, just give him time."
Rarity examined the chest and found a clue. It was a red collar with gems encrusted on it. "Diamond dogs... I should have guessed."
"You mean those thieves in the wastelands?"
"Yes, I had a run-in with them a few months ago. I'm not sure if a new pack took over the area or not so I can't really help you." Rarity sad.
"The only real trouble I'll have is keeping Anny from blowing the whole thing up. He can be a crafty little sneak but if he goes one-on-one with one of those marauders he'll be killed." Shizuki said.
"Really? You think he's that weak?" Rarity asked. "From his explanation he said he was stronger when it comes to muscle."
"That's because he's a guy, and he's older than me. He may have me at pure strength but I win over-all with my unpredictable fighting style and sheer speed. What good is having strength if you can't hit your opponent with it?"
"You're not invincible darling, Diamond Dogs are stronger than you think." Rarity warned.
"I don't care how strong they are, I'll just turn their muscle against them." Shizuki retorted, cracking her knuckles to emphasize her point. "So, what do they look like?"
"Well they're big talking dogs that dig for gems or steal gems, they're not very bright but they are strong." She explained. "If I were you, I'd make a plan before going at them."
"Already got a plan." Anon said, sporting his galactic battle armor. "It involves this high-powered plasma rifle 'the Cicada-5000', a lot of explosives, and even more blood." The 'Cicada' was fairly large and far more advanced than anything on Equiss. It had a canister instead of a magazine and it was inserted in the middle of the gun like a revolver. The canister glowed purple with a strange energy just waiting to be released with the squeeze of the trigger. It's shape was like the normal assault rifle from Halo but with a purple glowing cylinder in the center. It also had a bayonet attachment below the nozzle. "Shizuki, let's move. The sooner I get payback the sooner I get my house."
"Right." The two humans made their way to the Diamond Dog Wastelands with a hunger for revenge.
Author's Note
Hey everybody, I know I've been away but Borderlands 2 wrapped me up with it's DLC, then I discovered Cr1TiKaL, after that I had some heavy debating on religion and we all know how sensitive that topic is. (Long story short, I am now a Pagan pony and I learned that opinions hurt). But that's enough about my weird life, I am a little disappointed to admit that I've been distracted from the MLP community. The latest episode I watched was the Starlight Shimmer episode with the weird village and the stick of butt tattoo removal, yeah I had absolutely NO idea that the series continued after that. Hell, I heard there was another Equestria girls special! Why have I been distracted you ask? Steven Universe, my Young Writers story (Which I won, go me!), school, Skyrim, Ribbit King, and a lot of other fandoms I'm a member of... I need help... SO! Will Anon and Shizuki best the Diamond Dog scum? Will I ever learn not to bring religion into anything ever? Will you question why this is still going on? Find out on the next episode of... Dragon Ball Z!
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Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Singin' and Stealin' from Thieves Who don't Sing... and Some Plot.
(Diamond Dog burrows, Nightfall)
"....... Ugh, me so bored... Me hate Night-watch." The guard grumbled with heavy bags under his eyes.
"Just endure Fang, it still midnight. We have long watch... yawn ahead." The other guard said, rubbing his eyes.
"......... This sucks." Fang complained.
The unnamed guard's ear twitched. "... Uh... You hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"Sound like... Singing?" The unnamed guard put a paw to his ear. "... Humming?"
"..... I hear footsteps... getting... yawn closer." Fang added, and as predicted, the footsteps had a source. It was a strange being, it was completely bald not counting the short blue hair coming off it's head and wore a white tunic with a black belt tied around the waist. It was slowly approaching them while humming a strange tune that echoed through the cave. "Uh... Are you seein' weird monkey too?"
"Yeah... Ey, you think it's someone's pup?"
"That?... Well it is a tiny lil' thing... Never seen anything like it either, too frail lookin' ta be an ape an' it ain't gotta tail... How's it standin' without a tail anyway?"
"I dunno... Ew, look at it's feet, what kinda animal has 'em shaped like that?"
"Somethin' rare, I can tell ya that much. Now no sudden moves Bandit, maybe we can catch it..." Fang whispered. The thing had noticed the two and approached them with an innocent smile. "You lost, pup?" Fang asked.
"Hmm...... giggle No, I'm not lost!"
"Then what're you doin' down here, pup?"
"The 'pup' responded by clearing it's throat. "Ahem ..." The being took in a long intake of breath, causing the guards to seize-up a little. Then, the being began to sing. "Flyyy me to the mooon and let me plaaay among the staaars... "
"Eh?... What are you..." Fangs eyes began to droop.
"Leeet me see what Spriiing is like on Jupiterrr and Maaars... "
"Oh... Voice so... Pretty." Bandit said as he began to wobble.
"In other wooords... Hold my haaand... " The creature began walking closer, and the guards were to tired to realize what was happening. "In other wooords... Darling kiss meeeheee!... "
"W-wait Fang!... S-she's tryin'... tryin' ta..." Bandit tried to warn, but was cut-off by the next verse.
"Fiiill my heart with sooong and let me siiing for ever mooore... Youuu are all I long for, all I worship and adooore... "
"Oh... So... Sleepy..."
"In other wooords... Please be truuue! "
Fang gave out and fell on the floor, his strength failing him along with his common sense. "Sing... Jupiter..."
"In other wooords... I love youuu... " Shizuki continued on, aiming to weaken the second one. "In other wooords... Hold my haaand... " She drew closer to Bandit, who was backing away from her. "In other wooords... Darling kiss meee... " It was at this point Fang finally fell asleep, only one guard left.
"S-stay back! I'm warnin'... N-no! Stay awake!"
"Fiiill my heart with sooong and let me siiing for ever mooore... Youuu are all I long for, all I worship and adooore... " Shizuki backed Bandit into a wall, nowhere to run. "In other wooords... Please be truuue... " She was right in front of him now, she gently placed a hand on his face. "In other wooords... " Her hand grazed down his face and onto his chin. "In other wooords... "
"... N-no!" Bandit threw a lazy, uncoordinated punch, Shizuki easily avoided it and he landed on the cold dirt. "D-dammit..."
"Shhh..." Shizuki shushed him, then continued with her song. "In other wooords... I love youuu..... " The guard fell asleep, Shizuki stood proud over him. "Hm, let's see who can top that performance!"
"Gotta admit, no one can sing like you can Shizuki." Anon said
"Hm, more like no one in the universe can!"
"I dunno, Twilight told me they got sirens here." Anon informed. "You sure you wanna admit that?"
"Tch, Siren-Shmiren, I bet they sound as annoying as what they're named after!"
"Whatever... Find some rope or something so we can tie these ones up like the rest." Anon ordered.
(Equestria Girl's Universe.)
Adagio Dazzle had finally started to fall asleep, until a chill went up her spine that unnerved her. She slowly sat up from her bed, looking around her room. She found no one else was in her room, so she just sat there wondering what the hell had caused that until her door slowly creaked open. "Hey Adagio... Did you...?" It was one of her sisters, Sonata. She looked very unsure about something. "Um... Did you feel that?"
"Feel what?"
"I... I don't know what it was, it was like... A disturbance..."
"I... I believe I felt that as well... Is Aria awake?"
"Yeah, I'm awake..." Aria said as she peaked in the door frame. "So I'm not the only one here who felt that, right?"
"Apparently we all felt it..." Adagio said, rubbing her eyes. "And I bet that it came from Equestria as well."
"So what, you think we should check it out?" Sonata asked.
"We can't, our necklaces were destroyed remember?" Aria said. "So unless that portal just opens up by itself we're still stuck here."
"Hmm, a portal just openin' by itself? Unheard of! " A disembodied Scottish voice sounded.
"............."
"............."
"............. Um... You girls just heard that... Right?"
The two nodded with wide eyes.
"Oh, you three aren't lookin' so hot... I know what'll cheer ya up! Cheese! Cheese for everyone! " A small slice of cheese manifested out of thin air and landed in Adagio's hands, it looked to be cheddar from it's orange color.
"W-what sort of witchcraft is this!?"
"Keep yer shirt on, I'm gettin' some more for ya friends so just be patient. " This time, the cheese spawned in Sonata's hands. It was an entire cheese wheel instead of a single slice. As for Aria, she got an entire cheese wheel as well. A wheel the size of a monster truck wheel that spawned above her head and hovered in place until she looked up.
"Fu-" The cheese cut her off by dropping on her head and crushing her.
"Aria! Are you okay!?" Adagio yelled.
"Pffhahaha! Oh, nothin' brighten's up me mood more than seeing mortals bein' crushed by cheese! Why if I were any happier I'd just rip out yer intestines and strangle the life outta ya! "
Adagio had been checking over her sister under the cheese wheel, she felt no pulse. "You... You killed her..."
"Killed her? Hah! Of course I killed her, I plum said that I crushed her under an over-sized cheese wheel! Now, where was I... Ah, yes! "
A noise similar to a watermelon being crushed flooded the room, then a loud thump sounded from behind Adagio. The moment she turned around the look on her face was of pure terror. There was Sonata's corpse, her intestines ripped out, wrapped around her throat and tied a bloody bow-tie. Blood started to pool around the body which made Adagio nearly vomit. "... Oh... Oh my god..."
"Oh I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself! But thankfully myself was more than welcome to help I, now why don't you step into me office so we can talk business, hm? "
"Get away from me you psycho!" Adagio rushed for the door and opened it, she didn't find the long hallway, she found something much worse. She was gazing at a vast savanna with a line of rail tracks leading straight to her doorstep. "... Uh."
Fwee! Fweeee!
She heard the infamous horn of a train, and just over the horizon a train was speeding in her direction. "Holy mother of God!" She slammed the door behind her and dived out of the way. Now, you expect the train to just disappear right?
CRASH! FWEE! FWEEEEE!
Nope, the train tore down the door along with most of the wall and smashed through the parallel wall. She heard the screech of the train's breaks as it slowed down. The train over-shot it's stopping point and stopped outside of the room. Against her better judgement, Adagio went into the hole that the train stopped in.
What else could she do, try opening another door?
The new room was... Well, it definitely wasn't the savanna. The room was an enormous living room with a giant fireplace, couch, and other giant things. She was underneath a ridiculously large pine tree decorated with strange ornaments and surrounding the tree's trunk were giant presents, wrapped in colorful, glittery wrapping paper and ribbons. Looking at the train, it had somehow changed from an actual train to a toy train, and her house was now a giant doll house with a broken-down wall. "Is... Is this Wonderland?" She started walking further away from the safety of the doll house, the room felt cold yet a mysterious warmth in her heart kept her warm and made her feel fuzzy for some reason. Sadly, it only warmed her heart and not her body. However, she did find a large doll about Adagio's height with a red and white coat, so she took the coat for herself. "Much better... Now, where am I exactly?"
Tac Tac
Adagio heard the sound of glass being tapped and looked in the direction of the source. She saw someone she'd never ever expect to see, there was Sonata with her face pressed against the glass of the train car and making a stupid grin. "S-Sonata...?" Adagio ran to the front of the train as fast as she could with tears running down her face, she entered the train and ran through all of the cars until she reached Sonata's car.
"Hi Adagio-Oof!" Adagio tackled her sister to the floor and hugged her.
"My baby sister, I thought I'd never see you again! After you and Aria were killed I... Aria..." She released Sonata from her hug and looked around. "Where's Aria, is she really dead?"
"Of course she is, we're all dead!"
"I... Wait, what?"
"I'm dead, you're dead, Aria's dead, we're all dead!"
"Then... How did I die?"
"You were obliterated by the train, I was strangled by my own intestines, and Aria was crushed to death by cheese!"
"But I-"
"You THOUGHT you avoided the train, but in reality you're just in denial." Sonata said. "Look, one of your stray legs even broke the window over there!"
True to her word, there was one of Adagio's bloody legs lodged in the broken window of the car, the reason she didn't see it is the leg was in the window on the other side of the car. How it got there in the first place she had no idea. "So... Where's Aria?"
"She's talking with the conductor, he's the guy that killed us!"
"Did somebody call for a conductor?" A man walked into car, he looked like an older man and was wearing a strange tuxedo. The coloring was split down the middle with one side purple and the other side red. He also walked with a cane that was made of gold.
"Who are you!?"
"Who, me? Why I'm Sheogorath the Mad! There's no doubt about that! I'm the Daedric Prince of Madness! And I'm here to rid your hearts of sanity!... You thought I was going to say sadness now weren't ya lass?"
"....... Um... Okay? So why did you kill us?"
"Good question, why DID I kill you?... Meh, I haven't got a clue either lass, guess I just felt like it." The strange man walked in and sat down in the seat next to Adagio, she wasn't in the seat though, she was on the floor next to Sonata. "Bah, I'm just pullin' yer leg." He then reached over to the booth on the other side and pulled on the bloody leg lodged in the window that was once Adagio's own. "Eh?... Eh?... Damn, that one usually knocks 'em off their feet! Then again I usually rip off their leg myself and say it while they're bleedin' ta death... Oh well, the reason I killed you three was because I wanted to strike a deal that you can't refuse!"
"Hey, Adagio! You made it!" Aria walked up to the group, interrupting Sheogorath. "Did the royal Jackass over there give you any trouble?"
"That hurts ya know." Sheogorath said.
"Yeah, and so does getting crushed by a giant wheel of cheese." she retorted
"Fair point, now as I was saying I have an offer that you three can't refuse!"
"Why don't YOU tell us why we should listen?" Adagio said.
"I killed ya! Then brought ya back to life! I would be more than glad to mutilate ya for real and leave ya to rot in hell if that's your wish?"
"......... Alright, what's your offer?"
"Well, how would you three like to go back to your land of colorful ponies and gumdrop mountains? Not only that, but I'll even lend ya some of me power as a bonus!"
"What's the catch?" Aria asked.
"Hmm... I wouldn't call it a catch, it's more like a simple task... You will find the god of chaos and bring him too me, his name is Discord. Me and him have a score to settle... I won't call for you immediately, but for now I need an answer..."
The three sirens nodded to each other, all thinking the same thing. "We accept your terms, Sheogorath."
"Splendid! Now, as for you three it's time to wake up." Sheogorath said, earning confused looks from the three. "What, you thought all this was real!? Hah! And they say I'm a delusional psychotic train-wreck." Sheogorath developed a very serious look. "But know this, you go an betray me or chicken outta our deal? I'll turn your lungs inside-out and laugh as you lot gasp for breath like a trout in Elsweyr!" His jolly nature then returned. "But for now, ta ta, and have a merry Christmas!" He snapped his fingers and the three sirens passed out, then they reawakened in Adagio's floor.
"... Sheogorath..." Adagio said to herself. "I assume you two remember that name?"
Her sisters nodded.
"Good, that means our deal isn't a figment of our imaginations... Neither is his punishments..."
"..... Who's gonna make breakfast?" Sonata asked, the two didn't answer her question and just left the room. "... Guess I'm making it then."
(Diamond Dog burrows, Dawn Break)
"M-Miss Roxie! Get up, Quick!"
"Erm, what is iiit...?"
"T-The Haul, it's been raided!"
"What!?" The Diamond Dog leader, Roxie, jumped from her bed and ran to the treasure storage as fast as her paws could go, when she made it to the vault she saw the door was blown open by explosives. "Dammit!" She ran inside and saw that a quarter of her treasure was stolen. "... Who's the sorry sonova bitch that did this!?" A piece of paper was on the floor, she picked it up and looked at the drawing.
"... Um... M-Miss Roxie?"
"Don't you dare send anyone after this asshat..." She crumbled the picture in her paw, tossed it up, and sliced it with her scimitar. "Nobody steals from Roxie... This chew-toy's mine..."
(The Road to Ponyville)
"Two hundred, that's as high as I go!" Anon yelled.
"And I say two-fifty's as low as I go!" The Minotaur yelled back.
"..... Alright alright, How about two-thirty?"
"... Alright, I'll take it." Anon handed over the money and the Minotaur exchanged it for a well-conditioned Minotaur acoustic guitar. "You drive a hard bargain, Anon."
Anon shook his hand. "It was good doing business with ya, Silver-Horn." Two more Minotaur came by and took a rope that was tied to the large cart that held Anon's treasure, then they pulled it down the path. "And thanks for the help with the haul!"
"No problem! Just pay 'em fifty each and they won't toss the cart over a cliff!"
"Can do!" Anon climbed up the tarp that kept his loot from spilling and sat next to Shizuki, his brand new guitar ready to play. He tuned it up a bit and began playing. He did it instrumental for a few moments. "Yes! I still got it!"
"You're not half bad, monkey man!" One of the Minotaur said. He nodded and kept playing.
"This is the greatest and best song in the world... Tribute." the song started to pick up. "A long time ago me and my stalker Zuki here... We was hitchhikin' down, a long and lonesome road... All of a sudden... There shined a shiny demon... In the middle... of the road... And he said!" Anon then made his voice more nasily. "Playyy the best sooong in the world, or I'll eat yer souls." Anon's voice returned to normal and the Minotaur were nodding to the strum of his guitar. "Well me and Zuki... we looked at each other... and we each said..."
"Okay" The four said in symmetry, and the vigor of the guitar started to pick up. He hadn't noticed that he made it to Ponyville, so the citizens were going to get a show.
"And we played the first thing that came to our heads, just so happened to be! The best song in the world, it was the best song in the world! Look into my eyes and it's easy to see, one and one make two, two and one make three, it was destinyyy... Once every hundred-thousand years or so when the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow and the grass doth gro-howw!" The vigor of his guitar lightened. "Needless to say... The beast was stunned... Whip-crack went his whoopy tail!... And the beast was done. He asked us...snort 'Be you angels?' And we said nay..." Both Anon and Shizuki sang this part together. "We are but men. Rock! Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah! Ohhh! Whoah! Ah-Whoah-Oh!" Anon did a little guitar solo and then stopped. "I forgot the rest of the song!" Anon took in his environment, the little ponies had stopped whatever they were doing to look at the human that played guitar. "..... Huh..." Anon tossed the bags of bits to the two Minotaur and booked it to Fluttershy's house as fast as he could. "Shizuki! Lead them to Fluttershy's house!"
"What's up with him?" One of the minotaur asked.
"He's an idiot... Alrighty boys, follow me." The two shrugged their shoulders and dragged the stolen loot to Fluttershy's place, and not a single pony knew where Anon had gotten that cart full of loot. nor did they know how much trouble he would be in when Roxie tracks him down. As for the Dazzlings? I like to call that foreshadowing of actual plot, future plot, from the fuuutureee! Oooooh Spoooky!
Kay, I'm done.
Author's Note
Sheogorath takes the spot-light!
That's right bitches, I got the spark back! But because I'm a lazy bitch they'll be late as usual. Go ahead, sue me! I'll send Sheogorath after yo ass! Also, like the chapter said, this little bit with the Dazzlings will take place later, also to you Elder Scrolls fans... Wabbajack!
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Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
Anonymous was walking down a lone path with a large rut-sack slung over his shoulder.
Anonymous was walking down a lone path with a large rut-sack slung over his shoulder..........................................
(Another Dimension)
".............." A boy of age 17 sat in his computer chair, staring at a white screen. The Url said Fimfiction.net, and he was editing a story... Or at the very least, trying to. He gazed over at Dead-chu, a very old plush doll of pikachu (back when he was obese) with the right eye missing, a stitched left paw, and a lazy right ear. Than he gazed back at the damn screen, reading those same damn words.
"Anonymous was walking down a lone path with a large rut-sack slung over his... Slung? Who the hell uses..." He removed 'slung' from the sentence. "....." Than he typed it back in, gaining no progress. "......." Now, I know what your all thinking. 'Oh my god, the author put himself in the story!' Well... Your half right. Technically I'm in the story, but I'm still on Earth! So I'm in the story... But I'm also not! But yeah, I won't beat around the bush, I'm just gonna go out and say yes, that boy is me... Oh wow! That's so cool! What are you like, man!? Oh? I'm glad you asked mysterious person!
Well, I'm white, skinny, brown hair, green eyes that are slanted (not Asian, dunno why they look like that but I like them), a tinge short for my age (scotch-irish blood, my entire family's short on my dad's side), I was raised by rednecks (they are not racist, and I love them), I'm a snarky little prick, monotone, I wanna be a cartoonist, writer, or an animator when I become a big boy, I'm a gamer, and I live a LOT of fandom lives..... BUT! You guys aren't here to read about my life. No, you bastards want Anon!
Well, Anon can go suck a chode!... Or my ass, whichever comes first...
I'm straight... Okay, maybe a little curious... Kidding, kidding.
But seriously, this is me in all my glory... All of my sad, writer's blocked glory. So many things racing through my subconscious, like 'How do I follow-up literally all of my incomplete stories I'm such a fucking nervous wreck.' or 'Why the fuck did I have to get accepted into a private college, I know it's great news but what if I fuck-up!? Why did I choose an art career, God-dammit somebody ice me and send my Wiccan-ass to- Dammit, I believe in reincarnation!' or even 'Oh my god I don't wanna girlfriend, I don't wanna be shackled in a relationship Madison please break-up with me oh my god I don't wanna break her heart. What the literal hell am I doing I gotta please the brony masses so they don't burn me at the stake like the fucking Salem Witch Trials.'
You know, small things... And through those thoughts, I always wear the same calm, stoic expression. It's normal, right?... Now, I never allowed my thoughts to ever hinder me, I gotta keep my grades high if I'm going into the art career. It doesn't help that I have autism either. Hm? Oh no, it's low functioning. I'm not a mentally disabled loon, in fact I'm quite intelligent for having something that the Internet sees as an insult... Really, it's not even a disability when you look at it from a scientific perspective, we just think differently... Oh, forgive me, I'm ranting again. But really, I see my 'disability' as a gift. It makes me smarter at the cost of being socially awkward and oblivious... It does more than that, but I don't want to bore you.
Anyways, my situation is that I've been... Preoccupied. Trying to balance everything like this is a bit challenging, but nothing I can't handle. However, it HAS, if my hypothesis is correct, drained my creativity. Thus, I am sitting in front of my computer screen, frustrated and distracted. Ah, look at me, one moment I'm saying Anonymous can consume my anus and the next I'm sophisticated and telling you my life story. Oh, sorry, I'm getting off-topic again.
I sat at the chair, different things going through my head and none of them affecting my facial features. "..... I wonder if Gainax will make a second season of Panty and Stocking... God I hope they do." I often talked with myself, call me crazy but I do. Not in public of course, I wasn't stupid. "Freakin' haitus, too... I miss Steven Universe episodes... No, dammit, focus!" I stared at those same damn words.......... "...... Ugh." I slammed my head on the desktop. "Why can't I write...? Why oh why can't I write?" Nothing answered back, not like I expect anyone too...
"Mrow!" My fucking cat scared the shit outta me, sitting on my bed like the little prick he was... Like father like son, I suppose. "Mrow!"
"Hey buddy." I scratched his neck a bit. "How ya doing, fat-ass?"
"Mrow..." He started rubbing against my palm. I knew exactly what he wanted.
"Alright you fat sack of shit, I'll feed ya." I stood up and squeezed through the gap that was from my huge freakin' bed... Scratch that, my huge freakin' bed that I oh so love. Tempur-Pedic mattress and camo-comforter, now that's the fucking pimp-life... Pimp... You know, living in West Virginia you never hear that word... Like, ever... Really weird for some reason, like even typing it feels so strange... Oh, and yes I'm from West Virginia. It's a beautiful place, clean air, blue skies you can actually see, and there is nature EVERYWHERE. Really nice place for a Wiccan like me, but the only problem is the people. Yep, the racist, obese people... They're not all like that, just a portion of them are. Oops, got off topic again!
Well, I fed Alucard (the cat) and went to the fridge. "Hmm..... Eh..." I closed the fridge, finding nothing to sate my hunger. "Mom'll be here soon... Yeah, she'll feed me." I sat on the couch and turned on the T.V. completely forgetting about the computer. It didn't take long for me to consider turning it back off, the only thing on was Teen Titans Go... And Steven Universe wasn't on... I checked Disney but no Star vs. or Gravity Falls, and Nick was showing another goddamn reality T.V. series so that's an automatic no. I passed over Discovery Kids and saw My Little Pony, now that was something I haven't watched in a while. Now I know that I've missed a lot, the last episode I saw was the Starlight Glimmer episode with that stick and her communism society. I thought that maybe that would be the reason I've been in this damn block, but it's not like I can watch it. We switched to Direct T.V. a while ago and lost the channel, and my internet's limit ran out so no videos... "Ugh, booooored..."
"Mrow!" I saw Prince Asshole leave the bathroom with his tail flicking proudly, he ignored me and hopped onto the table where he began drinking from the fish bowl. Now he wasn't interested in the fish, he couldn't give two shits about that thing. But the water it swam in was a different story, my guess is it tasted like fish to him. He never ate the fish, so I didn't care...
"......... Am I... Trying too hard?" I rubbed my chin, contemplating on this theory. "Maybe I just need a distraction..." I looked through the guide again. "Oh yeah, I forgot that they only show shit nowadays..." I looked outside, the weather seemed nice. "Hm... Maybe I'll go for a walk in the woods, clear my head a bit." Yeah, you can do that in West Virginia. But you can also get mauled by a bear or a pack of coyote, so I went to my room and got some weapons. See, I collect swords, and when your parents hunt for fun they don't give a shit about you owning two machetes, some katanas, a cutlass, throwing knives, and a hunting knife. Now the chances of you getting mauled by something are pretty low, the animals knew better than to risk being hunted. Still, never hurt to be prepared. I took a machete for brier patches and the cutlass for self-defense, the machete was tied to my belt and the cutlass had a sheath on my left hip. "Alright, I won't be dying today..." I opened the front door and saw a package at my feet. "..... So they just dropped it off? No signatures I need to sign?" I lifted the box up to get a better look at it. "No address, either... Hmm, I don't like this." I looked to my sides, finding no signs of life. "..... Tch, what is this..." I was prone to paranoia, if something didn't add up than I was on full-alert. I unsheathed my cutlass and used it to cut the cardboard open, looking inside I find...
A hand mirror...
"Just a mirror?" I turn it over, it was blank. "Well it's not Lapis Lazuli's mirror... Never even ordered a damn mirror." I turned it over again, seeing my reflection. "Hmm..... Maybe mom ordered it?" I was pushed, and I fell face-first into the box. I went through the mirror, then everything went dark...
............................................................................
"Look, that's all I know, okay?"
Voices...
"So he just popped out of your mirror?"
"(Where the fuck... Who the fuck...)" I opened my eyes, my vision was blurry but it slowly corrected itself. I stared-up at a ceiling...
This wasn't my ceiling.
"Look Aria, I don't know why, let alone how a kid just burst out of my mirror. I just know he hit me in the face when he did." A voice said.
I reached for my sword, but it was missing. The scabbard was there, but the blade...
"Oh look, Tiny's awake." My sword was pointed at my head, the holder... Aria Blaze? "Looking for something?" I grabbed her ankle and pulled, tripping her and making her drop my cutlass. "Ack- Fucker!" I grabbed my blade and pinned Aria, until Sonata, whom I hadn't noticed, dunked my head with a bucket and pushed me off. Than I was pinned by Aria's blue savior.
"I got 'em!"
"Sonata! His arms!" She failed to hold my arms down, so I grabbed her arm and bit down as hard as I could. She cried in pain and I threw her off of me, racing toward my sword. I was, sadly, tackled by Adagio and wrangled into submission. Quite literally, too. She tied my arms and legs together with duct tape. "There... Little brat." Adagio wiped the sweat from her brow. "You're quite the hand-full, aren't you?"
"I don't know where I am, or what you want from me. But I will never fall to you, Siren!"
Adagio raised a brow. "Siren?..... Boy, how do you know about Sirens?" She crouched, meeting me at eye level. "Another question, how did you know that we're Sirens?"
"Wouldn't you like to know." I answered with a snarky tone.
Adagio smiled. "Sassy, aren't we?" She stood back up. "Aria, why don't you ask him?"
I stared Aria dead in the eyes. "You come near me, I bite your fucking ear off. And I gotta crowned tooth you fairy-blooded bitch, see what happens when iron tears through your skin."
She was taken aback, but still held her angry expression. She looked away from me. "Tch, he's your problem, Dagi."
"..... Sonata?" Adagio asked, but Sonata was tending to the bite-marks on her arm, along with trying to stop the blood from escaping the wound. "Ooh... Ouch. Fine, Aria go get the med-kit."
"Whatever." She went to another room.
"And you." She stared down at me. "I don't like kids, never have. So don't make this any more difficult than you're making it for me."
"I'm fucking seventeen you bitch, at least treat me like my balls have dropped." I said in annoyance. She slapped me right in the face. "Ow!... Heh, struck a nerve?"
"Ugh, you're so infuriating!" She shouted. "If it weren't for the fact I have NO clue where you came from I'd have killed you myself!"
"I'll be honest with ya, Adagio. In a way, I created you..." I hinted.
"Created...? What do you mean by that, and how do you know my name!?"
"Well, he already told ya, Dazzle!" Sheogorath jumped out of the small hand mirror, he was toy-sized when he jumped out. "That wee tyke created this wonky universe, and the pony universe!"
"Sheogorath the Mad!?" I shouted in surprise.
"The one and only, Tiny!" He answered, growing to his full size.
"You know this nut-job, kid?" Adagio asked.
"My race created him!" I answered. "He's the Daedric God of madness in a video game!"
"I give ya half-credit, Tiny." He said. "Your race created me, but you specifically created me . You birthed me in your little 'fanfiction' , and I have some business."
"So wait..." Sonata said, looking very confused. "The kid... Created us?"
"Yes." He answered. "The kid created all of us."
"So... Is he god!?"
"..... Technically, yes." He answered again.
This alone blew Sonata's frail little brain. "Wooow....."
"Hey assholes, I brought the..." Aria noticed Sonata's mind-blown face. "... Why's Sonata look like she got shot with a tranque-dart?"
Sonata pointed at me. "That's god!"
"God?" She questioned. "I think your delusional from the iron poisoning and slowly killing you."
"No, she's not delusional." Adagio assured. "This kid is indeed 'God'."
"Huh... Kay." She placed the medical kit next to Sonata. "So why's he here?"
"Well, he's our guest!" Sheogorath said. "And , he's your ticket to Equestria."
"How am I gonna make that happen when I don't have my computer?" I asked.
Sheogorath showed me his golden cane. "Know what this is, Tiny?"
It took me a moment, but I immediately recognized the cane wasn't a cane, it was a staff."..... The Wabbajack..."
He pointed the Wabbajack at Sonata, a red bolt of magic struck her. "Woah... I feel funny..." She started trembling in place. "W-woah! What happeniiiing!?"
'pop!'
......... Sonata layed an egg... A very large egg, about the size of a small child. As soon as the white shell popped out of her rear, she stopped trembling and looked down. "Am I... Am I a mommy?" She got off of the oversized egg, sharing as much confusion as her sisters did. Sheogorath busted the egg open, and pulled out a laptop from within the broken shell. He placed it in front of me, but with my hands bound by tape I couldn't even open it.
"Get to work, Tiny." The tape binding my hands turned brittle, and then fell apart. "You may be God, but that doesn't mean your protected. You'll start writing, even if I have to make you."
"..... Fine." I answered. "I'll write..."
"Good! Now, I don't need you as of right now, Tiny. But I'll need ya soon enough, so just keep the story going! Ta-Ta!" He vanished into a purple void.
"..... Well, at least I don't have to worry about college." I said, attempting to lighten the mood.
Of course, Adagio had to stomp my mood into dust. "You're sleeping on the floor, kid. And I'm being generous when I say that."
"Am I getting fed?"
"Only if you behave." She walked off, my sword and machete in hand. "And I'm keeping these, that way you don't get any ideas."
"Ugh..." I layed down. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"
I saw Sonata carefully approach my computer out of the corner of my eye, she did the numbers in her head and typed something on my new computer, shortly after a taco appeared out of thin air and landed in her awaiting hands. "Yay! Magic taco maker!"
"Did Aria suck the poison out of your system yet?" I asked in a deadpan.
I recieved my answer in the form of Sonata's blue face slowly turning orange. "Ooooh, pretty colors..." She landed on top of me, out like a busted light-bulb, smearing condiments and seasonings on my glasses (Yes, I wear glasses) and staining my Peridot (Steven Universe character) shirt with taco meat. I don't even like tacos, I hate spicy stuff and vegetables!
Oh, and just in case you still don't get it, Sirens are classed as a type of fairy. Iron and steel are poisonous to fairies, so Sonata may die if somebody doesn't help her...
Welp, guess who has to suck the poison out of her wound? "Goddammit... Again, why do bad things happen to good people?"
(Equestria)
Anonymous felt a shiver run up his spine. "Woah... That was weird..." He looked around. "What the hell am I even doing here?" He just stood still for a moment, then he shrugged it off and headed home. "What's in this bag, anyway?" He opened it up and found a chicken leg. "Oh yeah, I bought some meat from that griffon... Good meat, too." He put it back in the bag. "I'll save some for Shizuki, she'll want some... Probably."
"(Saving some of your meat for Shizuki?)" Nightmare questioned in a suggestive tone.
"(Shut-it.)" Anon thought back.
Author's Note
I am not being held hostage by the God of Madness. I am not being forced to type the story for said God. I am perfectly fine, sitting at my living quarters and enjoying being free. Please do not send help, for it is not needed. I repeat, everything is normal, I will continue this series as I wanted it to. Again, please do not send help. GODDAMMIT, HELP ME! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY THREE FORMER SIRENS AND A MAD KING, SOMEBODY SEND HE-!
(Story's still gonna be slow as hell, sorry...)
Sunshine and Lollipops... and Ponies.
The Eyes of Darkness are Strange! Part 1
"Levitate!" Anon commanded, but the orange remained in gravity's hold.
"Anon, maybe your just not cut out for magic. Your just a human after all, right? "
"I'm a human with an Alicorn inhabiting his body, that's not exactly normal where I come from."
"Regardless of this, it takes a lot of practice to get the hang of casting spells, we don't even know if humans can cast spells without a horn! "
"Shush you! Now orange, I command you to levitate or suffer my wrath!" The orange didn't move as Anon made weird hand movements like he was actually trying to use his hand to move it without touching it. Anon huffed in frustration and decided to try something else. "Maybe I need to recite an incantation?" Anon cleared his throat. "Ahem By my command you lousy orange, move from your spot and... Dammit, nothing rymes with orange!" It was then that out of nowhere, absolutely nothing happened to Anon and his orange... "Dammit!"
"Anon, maybe you should just take a break, shouting obscenities into the air isn't gonna make that fruit float. " Nightmare advised, to which Anon gave a huff in defeat.
"Your right... Ths frustration isn't helping either... Man, I wish I had a nice plate of bacon right now."
"Bacon? "
"Pan fried Pig that's simply delectable to most humans, and normally served with eggs or toast... Mmm, juicy... Crisp... Delicious bacon." Anon waited for the miracle that was suppose to happen, but the plate of steaming bacon never dropped from thin air like it should have. "Oh come ON! Did I do something to anger the gods!? Did I end all of ponykind!? NO! Now where in Sam Hill is my plate of bacon!?"
"Anon, calm down!"
"No! I won't calm down!" Anon's eyes began to glow and a black aura surrounded his figure "I put up with so much crap... I...I -" Anon slapped himself and he got a grip on his psyche. His eyes returned to their green color but the aura remained. "What the... Is this?" Anon ran his fingers through the perplexing substance, it was a gas of some sort that leaked from him. "W-What the hell is this!?"
"Magic... "
"M-Magic!? Oh shit, I need to tell Twilight about this before I lose it again!"
"Anon, this isn't ordinary magic, this is corrupt magic. " Nightmare warned.
"Corrupt? You mean this could take over?"
"I... I don't know. We need to go to Twilight, now." Nightmare commanded, Anon didn't need to be told twice and rushed to Twilight's house.
"Hmm...." Twilight examined the strange aura closely, scrunching her face in deep concentration as her horn glowed. "Well, I can't detect anything wrong with you, but this aura certainly is strange."
"Twilight, I know what your thinking, but I assure you that this is not Nightmare's fault. Well, maybe not willingly per say but she is innocent!"
"Calm down Anon, please. Now, have you been experiencing any strange symptoms lately?"
"Besides the obvious? Well, I lost my sanity for a moment when it first happened but-" Anon stopped his speech when his eyes started to glow again, he gained a feral grin and his aura grew thicker in color.
"... A-Anon? Are you-"
"STOP STARING AT ME, MAILBOX!!" Anon lashed out and... Ignored Twilight completely, choosing to tackle a wall and then start repeatedly headbutting it. After a few good poundings he clawed the wall and smiled a snaggletooth grin. "Ehehehe, I LOVE it when you look at me that way... Now SCREAM FOR ME!!" Before Anon could do any more damage to the wall and himself Twilight wrapped him up in the drapes from her window. Anon struggled to break free but he couldn't, however this fact didn't dampen the encouragement his temporary insanity provided so he continued to struggle. "KILL THE RULES! BREAK THEIR SPINES AND CRUSH THEIR MOIST TOWELETTES!! By Skeletor's fine skull-cap, I! WANT!! PUDDIIIIING!!!"
"Anon, you need to get a hold of yourself!"
"NOTICE ME, MAYONNAISE-SENPAI!"
"Nightmaaaare! Nightmaaare, where are you!?" Anon shouted, wandering around in the darkness of... Whatever this place is. "Geez... This place is so dark, I hope I can find her..." There was a sound in the distance, soft yet familiar... It sounded like crying. "Nightmare!? Is that you!?" Being Anon's only lead, he followed the voice.
"LOVE ME!!! WHY WON'T YOU LOVE MEEEE!!!!" Anon was screaming at the top of his lungs, voicing his insanity for all to hear.
"Anon we're doing this for your own good." Celestia said. Anon started crying.
"WHY WON'T YOU SCREAM WHEN I CURSE AT YOU SOFTLY, MAYONNAISE-SENPAI ALWAYS DOES!" The crying immediately stopped and was replaced by wild laughter, which was then replaced by pained screaming. "I WANT MY NIGHTMARES TO COME TO ME SO WE CAN INDULGE IN A BUFFET OF REFINED MUSTACHES AND THREE QUARTERS OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION SERVED AT A MODEST PRICE!" He started crying again, kicking his feet in the air. "NO MOMMY! I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE DENTIST, THEY MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL LIKE THANKSGIVING STUFFING AND THEY SMELL LIKE BAD SOAP! I'm sorry Anon, but you have a cavity. BUT I HATE NEEDLES! I DON'T WANNA GET A NEEDLE IN MY MOUTH! I promise they'll use the funny gas this time. I LOVE THE FUNNY GAS! IT MAKES THE BUZZING FEEL LIKE POP-ROCKS AND ATHENS MUSIC PLAY IN MY HEAD! NAP-TIME!" Anon collapsed, fast asleep as the black aura receded into his body for the time being.
"My word, humans take this corruption very differently compared to when my sister fell victim to it. Luna simply turned evil, but this... This is just insanity!"
"Will he be okay?"
"That i cannot say, he is a human and very little is known of their kind. He could turn evil, he may recover from this ordeal, he may even stay insane forever; the options are vast but unknown." Celestia explained, Twilight nodded.
"I understand... I'll go make some tea to ease the-"
"WAKEY-WAKEY, SCABS AND CRAZY!" Anon kicked the air and vaulted himself onto his feet, he started struggling against the drapes that bonded him and strangely enough the black aura oozed out of him and started to take shape. They formed long, thin tentacles that squirmed into the cracks of the drapes and, with enough force, slowly ripped them apart until they finally gave out and flew off of Anon. "FEAR THE TENTACLE AS DO SO MANY JAPANESE WOMEN! RUN IN AWE OF MY POWER, AS THE TENDRILS OF DARKNESS APPRECIATE THE SPACE, BEING INTROVERTED AND ALL!" The tentacles grabbed the door and ripped it from it's hinges, Anon running out at impressive speeds. "I WILL ASK MY BOSS ABOUT THAT RAISE MAYONNAISE-SENAPI HAS BEEN ASKING ME TO GET, I WILL THEN GET SOME SPRINKLES ON MY VANILLA SWIRL ICE CREAM, AND I WILL FINALLY ACHIEVE MY DREAM OF SELLING EXOTIC HAM FROM THE BACK OF A STOLEN FAST-FOOD DELIVERY VAN!"
"Oh boy..."
"Nightmare! Nightmare! Where are you, Nightmare!?" Anon ran toward the voice, but he never got any closer to his goal, possibly due to this black fog that shrouded his vision in darkness. "Dammit, why won't this stupid fog just go away!" Anon noticed a shift in the air, and the fog slowly dissipated, surprising Anon. "Oh... I guess I have some control over this place... But where am I?" Anon heard the crying again, louder this time. He decided to follow it and see where it takes him.
It's been two hours and Twilight and Celestia have yet to find Anon, Twilight tries calling him out like he was a wild animal, which in this case is more than appropriate. "Anon! Anon! Heeere human-human-human!"
"Twilight, what are you doing?" Celestia questioned.
"Calling out the deranged human currently invading ponyville." Twilight deadpanned, Celestia gave her a strange look. "Hey, it's all I can think of do-... Found him!"
Anonymous the psychopath was sitting on a small blanket with a mare wrapped up in a straightjacket, she had on a full-face restraining mask with one of the lences busted, the mask hid her mane and fur along with the jacket but her open flank revealed her tail to be blood red with purple fur and her cutie mark was two cogs spinning in opposite directions, trying to overpower each other. They appeared to be drinking tea but they both had crazy written in their eyes. "GOOD THING I BROKE YOU OUT OF THE PEANUT FACTORY, I WAS FEELING RATHER LONELY WITHOUT MAYONNAISE-SENPAI!"
"MORE TEA!" The mare screamed back, Anon took her cup and leaned to his side, than put her cup under his butt. He let out a loud fart and handed her the cup, she took a sip of the air. "THIS IS DELICIOUS!"
"YOUR WELCOME, SWEETHEART!"
The pony tackled Anon and started dry-humping his arm. "I HUG YOU!" she locked up for a split second and then her limbs drooped. "DING! WHO WANTS TOAST!?"
Anon turned to a bag of doritos that had a paper hat on it, giving it a crazy but somehow straight face while the mare was still laying on top of him. "HUGS ARE NICE, WHAT SAY YOU PERIDOT!?" The bag didn't say anything, but it fell forward and lightly tapped it's cup. "STOP TRYING TO BREAK PERIDOT'S STUFF, GRAVITY!"
"GRAVITY, STOP BEING A CLOD TO PERIDOT!" The crazy mare said to the thin air in front of her.
"OH SHIT! IT'S PALUTENA AND STOCKING ANARCHY!" Anon screamed, now noticing Twilight and Celestia. Anon got up and threw his friend off, than used his teeth to rip open her straightjacket. "LET US MOVE, BEFORE PALUTENA MOLESTS PITT AND PANTY STARTS TO NOT GIVE A SHIT!" The tentacles lifted the mare along with the bag of doritos and Anon dropped to his hands, taking off on four legs like a wolf. The two gave chase, Celestia took to the air and tried divebombing Anon but was grabbed by the tentacles and thrown at Twilight.
"Oof!" The two went down, tumbling into a ball before stopping and being thrown apart. Twilight saw Anon was about to get away so she fired a paralysis spell at him as a last ditch effort. The spell struck home and he locked up, unable to move. "Hah! Got him! Someone restrain the two and tie them up before they cause more trouble!"
"... N-Nightmare?" Anon beheld the sight in front of him, Nightmare in her human form, attatched to a St. Catherine Wheel that was held up by chains. She opened her eyes, they were deprived of all hope until they looked down to see Anon.
"A-...Anon?
Author's Note
Am I crazy or what? So I'm just gonna leave you at this cliff-hanger and work on the second part, sorry to leave you like this but the next part will be here soon. Enjoy the little references I left as well, and good day.
