Chapters The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Prologue – Crash landing.
"Fuck".
And that kids is what happens when you parachute into a heavily forested area without heeding the advice of your instructor. You get stuck in a tree. Great idea man, parachuting down in the middle of a forest with nothing but survival gear for a vacation, out of all the lessons I should've learned on my 26 years of existence, you would think ‘Listen to the professional’ would be one of them.
Guess it is now.
Well now I got to get down from here, so I unsheathe my knife and start to cut away the parachute while ignoring the throbbing pain from my shoulders, not even half an hour in and I already got the first injury of the trip. This is going to be a lot of fun.
Luckily the fall isn’t that big so I’m able to get down safely without adding anymore injuries.
Okay, time to get my bearings, it’s a long trek ahead and I need to make sure I know where I am and which direction I should go. I take out my compass and realize I am... everywhere? The center of the magnetic pole? Great! My compass broke. Amazing, two options left now, the emergency GPS tracker or the sun, well I don’t want to resort to technology just yet, so let’s check the sun, there must be a clearing somewhere where I can view it.
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Guess what? Turns out, there isn’t one.
After an hour of walking around I realize that it’s either climb a tree and try to get a view from above the foliage or keep walking around aimlessly. Not a fan of the latter really, hope those shoulders will let me climb.
I look around for a tall and sturdy tree to climb, don’t want to climb up to find out that the tree is too short or that there are no more safe footing to stand in and have to go down and start again after all.
After a couple of minutes of careful climbing I finally break through the foliage and gaze upon the open sky. What I see makes my blood chill, right there in front of me is the sun. And the moon. Together, at the same time, with half the sky being night and the other half being day, pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen, especially when it’s one o'clock in the afternoon and the last time I saw the sky, which a most two hours ago, there was only the good old big ball of fire up there.
Seriously, what the fuck? This isn’t supposed to be possible, maybe there's some kind of weird astrological phenomenon going on, or I was unconscious longer than I thought?
No that can't be it, I would have heard about it while researching this area for the drop or my watch would be marking more than a few minutes of difference from when I jumped to when I woke up.
Which to be fair seemed like a much shorter drop than it should. Weird, But back to the really fucked up shit at hand.
How the fuck does the sun show up in the sky and I can still see stars?! What the fuck is wrong with this place?!
All right dude, this is not the time to freak out, you are alone in the middle of a forest with no communication to the civilized world and a limited amount of supplies, one hunting rifle and knife. Now is the time to forget the weird shit, and keep moving towards your destination. So, since nature and the universe are basically flipping me off right now, I’m going to rely on my trusty GPS device and try to find a way out of here.
I find a stable position on the tree branch with my back against the tree's trunk and open up my backpack in search of my one ticket out of this forest of madness where the laws of physics apparently are not that reliable
Picking it up I hold it above my head and let the machine do its work as it searches for the satellite signal and tries to triangulate my position... Or something sciensy like that, I have no idea how this works but I’ve seen enough movies to make an educated guess.
The screen says it’s searching for a while. When it finally finishes I realize that the universe is in fact flipping me off, while it twirls its mustache and laughs maniacally.
No signal.
No fucking signal.
I must have spent a long time up there, trying to figure out just how fucked I am right now. But hey! I can’t tell! Want to know why? Because the sun and moon are just hanging out up there, not moving an inch. Must be a tea party or something. Wonder what’s the conversation about? Maybe Uranus is being an ass. Get it? God I’m going nuts.
But hopefully I’m pulled away from my musings by a voice, the voice of a small child.
"Twilight?"
Twilight? Maybe he's seen the sky too... I know little guy, pretty fucked up.
I look around trying to find its source but it seems to be coming from a bit ahead in the forest.
"Twilight! Hang on! I'll go get the girls!"
Wait a second... He's not talking about the sky, it’s a name. Twilight is a name! Holy shit, who names their kid like that? The poor thing must have had the hardest high school years ever.
Anyway... Back to the matter at hand
Looks like someone is in trouble, well I am a sucker for a damsel in distress (At least I hope it’s a damsel), so I guess it’s time to leap into action! I didn’t bring these stuff just for show you know? Jumping out of an airplane with a rifle on your back is kinda tough to waste it on looking cool... Ok no its not, but I do know how to shoot it.
Bolting into action I make my way down the tree using one of those weird looking vines I keep seeing everywhere, and land safely on the ground, I then start running off to the direction of the voice with my rifle ready. Whatever was happening I just needed to hold down the fort while the kid went to get reinforcements.
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It doesn’t take long for me to find a clearing. You know? Like the one I’ve been looking for a while? Flipping me off I tell you. Flipping. Me. Off.
Anyway, time to meet my damsel, hopefully she is hot, and grateful, very grateful. Ok, let me see, passed out purple horse. Weird facehugger plant things. Nope, no damsel in distress... Wait. Purple horse? Facehugger plants? What the actual fuck? That horse has wings! And facehugger plants? What?
I got to be hallucinating, got to be it, some really weird shit, mushrooms or something, got to be that. No way is this happening right now.
But then again, this feels too real, I don’t know, maybe I’m not going crazy and this is really happening right now. For all I know an innocent mythical creature is about to get killed by killer facehugger plants, and you know what? After all the weird shit today I kinda feel like shooting something up.
Screw this I’m going in, maybe the horse is the kid's pet or something and that's the reason for the weird name, somehow it fits her. Her? Looks like a ‘her’. For some odd reason.
After careful deliberation, I lift the rifle, aim, and shoot.
My first pullet pierces through the first plant, it explodes leaving behind a green goo, and the other four facehuggers take notice of my attack and turn to me shrieking like freaking banshees. And there goes the element of surprise, one of the monsters bolts towards me clamping its... mouth? Whatever, it’s dangerous, get out of the way!
I jump to the side dodging it by mere seconds, but it stops mid tackle and uses its vine-like body to try to wrap itself around me. Fuck, these things are smarter than they look, my finger squeezes the trigger by instinct and another shot is fired, this one way too close to my head causing a deafening ring in my ears.
It starts to coil itself around me trying to trap and crush me, no way buddy, I grab my knife and start hacking away at it, rather clumsily since its holding my arms close to my body, but it’s still effective and after a short while, it shrieks in pain and severs in half, covering me in that green sticky goo and.. What? What is this pink mist coming out of it?
The hell? It’s trying to poison me! Little bastard!
I get away from it before I inhale any more of it, but it’s too late I can already feel its effects, mind getting hazy, world spinning, loss of balance.
I extend my arms at my sides to regain the lost control and my breathing gets heavier, it must be what it’s done to the horse, god damn it.
before the rest of them can finish me off and lay its eggs on my thorax, however, five other horses jumps out and I shit you not proceed to freaking run around them getting all the others tangled up in a big knot just like in a cartoon, if I wasn’t so busy having a very bad time trying to stay up I would be freaking out a little bit.
One of my legs gives out and falls to its knee, I lift my head to realize I’m standing between the new horses and the purple one, never expected to say this, maybe it’s the poison. But... they don’t look happy. In fact they look mad, at me? Crap.
One moves towards me, I see its lips moving. Almost like it’s... Speaking? No way, just... No.... way....
But I can’t hear anything, no sounds, no noises, just my vision fading as I drift off into unconsciousness.
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"Well, we can’t trust it! Maybe it’s on their side! Whoever they are!"
I hear a scratchy female voice speaking close by.
"Then why was it fighting them darling? Perhaps it was just trying to help and got hurt"
Well, looks like we have a lady on the house.
"Ah don’t know Rares, Ah don’t even know what it is, for all we know it could be just another creepy thing brought here by whoever foalnapped the princesses"
That sounds like a southern accent. Time to wake up and thank my rescuers, kinda uncomfortable here in the grass. Ok dude, let’s make a good first impression, and say something witty and charming.
"Did anybody get that truck's plate?"
Wow, clichéd as fuck, so clever buddy.
I opened my eyes and see something not too comforting.
It’s the six horses, seems like the purple one got up and is ok now, its wearing a weird tiara too. With a purple star on top of it. Weird. They are all staring at me, a mix of emotions on their faces, the cyan one with the rainbow mane looks angry and suspicious, really? Rainbow mane? Wow, that must cost a fortune in dyes, anyway she and the rest have necklaces on, each with a different symbol and color, and hers is a red lightning bolt. The orange and blonde one in a... Stetson? Dear god this is insane, anyway it looks like it doesn’t quite know what to do, and her necklace has an orange apple in it. Then there is the white and purple ones, they just look intrigued, and the white one has a violet mane and a purple diamond on its necklace, but that’s not the important part. They got horns. Horns. Unicorns, right in front of me, no wait, and the purple one also got wings. Alicorn? If I’m remembering my mythology correctly it should be. Then there is a yellow pegasus with a pink mane, with a butterfly of the same color as her mane on its necklace, looking absolutely frightened behind the cyan one, that I just realized is also a pegasus. And lastly we have the pink bouncing one, not kidding its actually bouncing up and down in place with a big grin in its face, this one has a blue balloon. And lastly a small purple lizard with green spikes running along its spine.
I get up slowly trying to make no sudden movements, that poison must be pretty weak since I’m pretty much ok by now. When I get to my full height I realize they are pretty small for horses, in fact most of them seem to get up to my shoulders with the horned ones getting to my chin, actually the purple one is the tallest, its horn gets a bit over my head. God damn it that thing is sharp, I bet it could pierce me like I’m made of freaking paper.
"Alright horseys, be good little buddies and stay calm, I’m just going to get up and look for your owners, all right?" I say in a calm, collected manner that completely contradicts the 70% of my mind that’s screaming in panic right now.
"Owners? Who the hay do you think we are you freak?"
That scratchy voice. It belongs to the blue pegasus. No. Fucking. Way.
I hardly have any time to ponder on the implications of that before she head-butts me into the ground knocking out the wind in my lungs, she stands on top of me with her fore legs on my chest preventing me from standing up.
"All right! Now you're going to tell me what you want with my friend Twilight. And I better like those answers freak!"
All right. That does it.
I can hear the others reprimanding her, I don’t care. This is the last straw.
It’s trapping my chest, not my arms. Dumb move. With a grunt I punch it square in the jaw knocking it out of me just enough so that I can get out from under it. I can hear the others gasp, and out the corner of my eye the orange one looks like it’s getting ready to fight.
"Don’t call me freak you fucking overgrown chicken!"
She regains her balance and rubs her cheek with a hoof
"All right that’s it! Get ready for the beating of your life"
Let’s do this, remember, feet apart, fists up and... What am I doing? It’s a colorful pegasus. "Ok look, I’m not fighting you. We obviously got started on the wrong foot... er... hoof I guess"
She looks even more fierce and determined now. It’s actually kinda cute.
"Oh no way buddy, you just bought yourself a fight, now take it like a stallion" She leaps towards me, ok this is happening I am officially in a fight with a rainbow maned pegasus. She is getting closer and then just... Stops? Is she hovering? Her tail is surrounded by a purple glow and it’s like the rest of her is just hanging off of it. This can’t be right.
I look over to the rest of them and it looks like they noted my awed expression as I realize the purple alicorn from earlier has the exact same glow on her horn. No way, is she doing this?
"Hi, sorry for that, Rainbow can be a bit of a hothead sometimes." she says in almost an embarrassed tone.
Holy shit she is doing this!
"My name is Twilight Sparkle, These are Rainbow Dash" she says shaking her friend a bit before putting her down (She is crossing her fore legs and pouting! God this is cute), “Applejack", the pony in question gives her hat a little tap. "Rarity", she does a little bow, "Fluttershy" she squeals and proceeds to hide behind someone again, "And... Pinkie Pie".
On that last one however my world is filled with pink, before two bright blue eyes pop out of it.
"Hi I’m Pinkie Pie, but Twilight already said that! And you're new and I really mean new! Everything about you is new you got a weird new body and a weird new face and a weird new everything"
I take a step back before recollecting myself (I may have let out a slightly girly scream)
"Ummm thanks... I guess?" God this is uncomfortable "Can you, umm, stay a couple of steps away please?" I ask in a pleading tone.
"Okie dokie lokie" She says with another big grin and takes two steps backwards.
"Soooooo" The pur-- Twilight resumes. "Pinkie can be a little overwhelming at times, but she means well." She reassures me, I think she noticed just how frightened I am, crap. Don’t want it showing. “This one is Spike, he’s kind like my little brother.” The little lizard thing just awkwardly waves a hand at me, looks like just a little kid.
"And, what’s yer name?" Asks Applejack suspiciously. She is even stepping forward a bit, seems like they are starting to warm up a little as they see I’m not looking for a fight.
Wow, this is it, either I’m dreaming or this is real, and if its real this is first contact, my myths and stories right in front of me. This is going to be very weird. And will require me to play along with the hallucinations, because let’s face it. There is no way this is real.
Right?
"Janos, the name is Janos" I say, unsure of my own mental health.
The pink one gasps again, "Janos?! Even your name is completely new! Oh oh oh, Can I call you Jay?" She asks completely elated by the alien in front of her.
"No" My answer came out a bit more rudely than I intended.
She actually seems taken aback by that, seems like no one ever refused something like that before. Gee, I wonder why?
"Why not?" She asks carefully, almost like she is dreading the answer.
"Because only my friends get to call me that".
I think I broke the small pink horse.
Author's Note
Whelp, there it is. After days of internal debate over whether I should actually publish this or not, the happy voice won in the end.
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The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 1 – Of Disappearing Princesses and Killer Plants.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 1 – Of Disappearing Princesses and Killer Plants.
For a few seconds, nothing happened, the pink one just stared at me tilting her head slightly to the side as if the very concept of not becoming instant friends from the moment we laid eyes on each other was alien to her. The other horses just cautiously watched Pinkie Pie almost like they expected her to snap at any second.
This whole thing was getting me quite nervous, usually, I’m a very calm and collected kind of guy, after all, if I started getting shaky because of anything I would really suck at my job, but this? This was another thing entirely, I’m in the presence of unicorns and pegasi, those things are only supposed to be myths and on top of all that they talk!
What’s happening here? Am I sane? Did I hit my head on the way down and this is just a big coma-induced hallucination? It’s surprising I’m dealing so well with all this, plenty of people would freak out and I wouldn’t think any less of them for it.
Finally, Rarity steps up and clearing her throat, proceeds to break the awkward silence that took over us “Darling, what I think Janos here is trying to say is that we just met, and it is not the best of time to discuss those things.” She reaches over to her friend and places a hoof on her shoulder.
Pinkie looks down for a bit mumbling something to herself before shooting her head up with the same energy she displayed earlier. “Okie dokie lokie!” She says before hopping away just as suddenly as this all began.
A sigh of relief washes over them before everyone returns to their normal states and the conversation continues as if nothing happened.
“So Janos, I don’t mean to be rude but…” She bites her lip before looking back at me and asking “what are you exactly?”
There is a question I never thought I would have to answer. “Human, I am a human,” I answer her taking off my helmet and goggles, causing the most curious of them to step up trying to get a better view of my face.
I ruffle my shoulder length black hair to get rid of that ‘helmet hair’ effect I get after wearing it for so long
“So what yer doing here partner?” Asked Applejack.
“Actually, I was supposed to be on a vacation.” My answer takes everyone by surprise and they look at me as if I just gone completely insane as their stares are filled with disbelief.
“You took a vacation to the Everfree Forest?” Asked Rainbow. “I don’t know if that’s really brave or really stupid.”
Applejack does a very poor job at repressing a chuckle that quickly turns into outright laughter after Rainbow’s disapproving glare. “Oh! And you’d know plenty about doing bravely stupid things huh?”
“Look, I have no idea where this place is,” I say while picking up my rifle from the ground and strapping it to my backpack. “Last I checked this was a forest in Washington, but it’s clear I’m not home anymore.”
“Yeah, I never heard about any Washington,” Twilight said tapping her chin trying to recall any mention of the clearly unknown land.
“I didn’t expect you to.” I sigh and rub my eyes, I can’t believe this is happening to me and to make matters worse I have no idea what do here! “So, do you girls know of anyone who could help me out?” I awkwardly ask. I don’t expect them to actually know anyone but right now my best bet is finding someone who has any idea how to help me, hopefully, this happened before and they can help me find a way home.
I have to think objectively here, there is no point in freaking out all that’s gonna do is make matters worse, If I’m gonna have any chance of going home it’s by approaching this in a collected manner, treat this like any other job. So much for my vacation.
“Well as a matter of fact I do!” Twilight happily answers before her smile turns into a frown of concern. “But we have no idea where they are. You see, they are missing right now.”
“And you’re looking for them?” She nods in agreement. “Then it’s settled, I’m helping you find them.”
“Woah-woah-woah, you’re not coming with us.” Rainbow quickly objected. “How do we know we can trust you? For all, I know you’re working with them.”
“Working with who?” I ask, my eyebrow raising slightly in disbelief.
“I don’t know, but you could be!” She replied a little flustered.
“Darling, he helped Twilight without even knowing what we are.” Rarity interjected, trying to put some sense in the overly suspicious pegasus. “Risked his life even, who knows what those plants would do to them had we not showed up.” She raises a valid point, I’m happy I could help but that was a pretty dumb move on my part.
Rainbow drops on her haunches crossing her forelegs in frustration before letting out a sigh. “Fine, you can come.” With that taken care of the group proceeds to move forward but as soon as I pass by her side she pulls me with a hoof bringing me to eye level with her. “But I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”
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The rest of the way was filled with exposition that I will spare you, it’s better to just tell what Miss “Pony Encyclopedia Sparkle” explained to me about her and her kind. First of all, they are not horses, apparently, Pegasi, Unicorns, and Earth Ponies are just sub-divisions of a single species: Ponies.
Because of course, they are ponies, what else could they possibly be? At this point, I’m just shrugging these off. If I linger too much on these little bits of information I’ll just go insane and start freaking out which as I covered before, won’t do me any good.
The next thing is where we are, this is the land of Equestria because subtlety is a lost art among her people, more precisely we are in the Everfree forest a place that is very much feared by the local populace because of its strange properties. What properties you ask? Well, the weather takes care of itself, the animals don’t need pony intervention and the plants just grow without anyone tending to them. You know? Just like home! Apparently, her people control all those aspects of this worlds, how? Glad you asked mate! They use magic. Eye, magic. Pegasi take care of the weather, Earth Ponies of the land and Unicorns are just deus ex machinas because they can actually cast spells and so.
So imagine their surprise when I told them my home is basically one giant Everfree! Jaws hit the floor, it’s funny how these ponies are expressive with their big eyes and ears betraying them, gotta play poker with them sometime. Anyway, I’m rambling.
Now the important part, why we are here. So this kingdom is ruled by princesses, no kings, and queens, why? I honestly don’t care at this point. Their main rulers, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have gone missing and since they control the sun and the moon respectively, both of them have gone bonkers. Again I’m not even going to question it and go with the flow. So both these broads are also immortal and have lived for thousands of years thus they are my best bet of finding a way home.
So, Sparkle saw in a potion-induced vision that whatever is going wrong with the forest, which has gone out of control, and hopefully the princesses disappearance too is the fault of a tree hidden deep in this forest, where their necklaces and tiara have come from, those things are actually magical elements that use the power of harmony to defeat evil and such, so they are basically sailor moons or some shit like that, they just don’t transform into anything, well not yet anyway.
Anyway, something must be wrong with the tree because it’s not keeping the forest in check anymore so we are going to see whats the problem and how to fix it, and hopefully, we’ll get a lead on what happened to the princesses.
And yes, I realize how surreal and insane this all sounds like, to tell you the truth I’m still not sure this isn’t just some big fever dream or something, but like I said, whether it’s real or not, the only way I’ll be able to go back is to treat this seriously, if it’s a hallucination or not, freaking out is not going to help me.
In return I answered some of their questions about me and my home, I’m not any expert on all things human but I did my best. They had very varied questions, Twilight would ask about anything but mostly science stuff, Rarity was very interested after I told them humans were always wearing clothes (Prompting me to realize they are all naked and making me a bit uncomfortable.), and she asked all sorts of questions about what we wear and stuff like that, Applejack made the most personal question which I answered in my usual vague manner, only giving out snippets of information, like the fact I'm an orphan or that I work with a partner named Barry who is also one of my few friends.
Rainbow Dash didn’t talk much, she pretty much just hovered in the back glaring a hole in my skull, I understand the suspicion but I hardly think there was need for so much of it, Applejack was fairly cautious around me but even she understood that so far I gave them no reason to be hostile towards me. Closer to the end of the journey, however, she did warm up a bit and joined the conversation.
What surprised me the most was Fluttershy’s sudden participation, she asked me a lot about animals and both of us were very surprised that all the non-magical creatures their world had also existed on mine.
So, all in all, it was a pretty fun afternoon, at least I think its
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After some time walking we found our way to an old ruined castle which Twilight told me was where Celestia and Luna used to live before the latter went all evil and stuff, another for the list of things to clarify when I’m out of the big forest of death.
“So where is this tree?” I ask once we reach an old and very rickety rope bridge which serves as the only means to cross the big chasm between us and the castle. “On the other side?”
Please don’t say on the other side.
“Nah, it’s down through those stairs there,” Rainbow says, pointing to a set of stairs carved into the cliffs side that I somehow failed to see.
Shrugging I follow the rest of the group down the stairs and into an old cave that sits on the end of the chasm, we make it without much trouble despite the huge vines covering the ground and walls that converge on the same cave, there is some climbing and taking care not to hurt ourselves in the thorns but all in all we manage to get there without any trouble.
Once inside I finally manage to see this tree that’s giving us all so much trouble, and I got to say, it looks like shit, it’s covered in those vines and dripping with a sickly green fluid that I am not inclined to come into contact with. The tree itself is a grey color but something tells me that’s not its original state. There is a big star in its center and from that star sprouts five branches each with a weird socket on the end.
Twilight walks up to the tree and looks like she is about to fly up before I stop her. “You might not want to do this,” I say placing a hand near her neck to prevent her from taking up.
“I just want to get a better look at it.” She answers.
“Yeah, but I don’t think those things will like that very much,” I warn her of what should be obvious, to a girl that almost became plant food she sure is trusting of these things. “We need to make sure there is nothing here waiting to pounce on us, let’s check around and then come back to decide what we’re going to do next.” The ponies all nod and make their way to start searching for anything that could be hiding from us, even Rainbow listens to me without questioning even though she grumbles a bit.
I check the corners cautiously but luckily nothing jumps out at me so at the very least we know that nothing will catch us by surprise, well at least nothing comes from where we checked but it’s still something to give us some peace of mind, I’m the third one to come back and meet up with Rarity and Twilight.
“Everything clear on my side,” I say catching their attention. “Any ideas on how to deal with this tree?”
“Nothing from me, dear, what about you?” Rarity asks once she notices my arrival.
“Nope,” I answer shaking my head. “I just got here, you are the ones who know how any of this stuff works.” She nods in agreement and falls back into silence while we both turn to Twilight expecting some sort of master plan, what can I say? She looks like the brains of this operation.
Twilight then slowly turns to us, only averting her gaze from the tree on the last moment. “I have an idea, but let’s wait till the rest gets here before discussing it.”
Pretty soon Applejack arrives together with Pinkie Pie who is bouncing up and down in excitement, from what? I have no idea, the very concept of being alive seems to be enough for her.
A few minutes later Rainbow and Fluttershy greet us, by being one of the few that can fly they took to the ceiling and high places and therefore took a bit longer than the rest of us to come back.
As soon as we were all reunited Twilight took a step forward and with a deep breath turned to us to explain her idea. “I think we need to give it the Elements of Harmony.” She said to the surprise and shock of all but me.
“The Elements? But how are we going to protect Equestria?” Rainbow all but yelled at her.
“And Discord! How are we going to reign him in without them?” Rarity said.
“Twilight…” Applejack stepped forward from the back of the group, “The Elements of Harmony are what keeps us connected no matter what.” She says, gently raising a hoof to the jewel incrusted in her necklace.
“You're right about one thing, Applejack. The Elements of Harmony did bring us together. But it isn't the Elements that will keep us connected. It's our friendship.” I am not hearing this right now. “And it's more important and more powerful than any magic.” Did I get sent to a Saturday morning cartoon? “My new role in Equestria may mean I have to take on new responsibilities, and our friendships may be tested, but it will never, ever be broken.” Dear god. was this little speech really necessary? I can understand the sentiment and friendship is pretty great and all, but really? “There's no time to lose. Everypony ready?” She finally puts an end to our little moral lesson of the day and the ponies all take a stand facing the tree, looks like they decided what course of action to take.
All that’s left is for this to go smoothly, hopefully, they will get this done with no problem and we’ll be on our way to finding those princesses and I’ll be one step closer to home.
Except smoothly is not how things go in my life. At the beginning everything works out fine, Twilight takes the jewels with the weird levitation thing she does and begins to hover above us, as the jewels begin to spin around her she takes her own jewel and adds it to the mix.
And that’s when everything goes wrong. The vines leapt out of the tree and towards her before I can do anything, they slowly begin covering her from head to hoof, and even if I did try something, it would be too dangerous, since I could hurt Twilight in accident, after they take her however I can shoot the stems with no fear of hitting her, which is exactly what I do. Two shots are fired in quick succession but the vines either brush them off or are replaced by others, meanwhile Twilight proceeds to fit the jewels in their respective sockets, but before the last jewel can be placed, a vine shoots off the tree and grabs the little magenta star, Twilight is now covered completely in those vines her “grip” on the small jewel is barely enough to keep the vine from overpowering her.
I take another shot at the vine managing to make it drop the jewel as the big star in the tree trunk opens up revealing what must be done, dropping my rifle I make a run for it, dodging a couple of vines that tried to stop me I grab the star mid run and make my way to the tree, luckily we were fairly close to it, so I could make it quickly enough that the other vines didn’t have too much time to try and stop me.
When I made to the tree, however, the assault began, ever tried climbing a tree while big thorny vines try their best to rip you to pieces? It is most certainly not fun, those things were hitting me with whips and clubs, I could feel the thorns going deeper and deeper into my skin as one of them coiled around one of my legs which ended up ripping my jumpsuit to shreds.
Once I finally made it to the big star shaped hole in the tree, that vine was already all the way up to my waist, getting more desperate than I care to admit I shoved that jewel right in there which prompted the tree to close around it, before I could get free, however, another thing took hold or me. The star points sprouted out of the tree and wrapped around my right arm pulling me closer to tree until my hand was forcefully touching the jewel.
And that’s when the panic kicked in, a loud humming vibrated on my ears and a strong taste of iron filled my mouth, while the tree’s grip tightened around me, my hand began heating up, especially around my wrist, almost as if it was burning some on my skin.
As soon as the burning sensation began to take hold, I began screaming and squirming against the tree, before the ponies could do anything to help me however, (As I hope they were about to.) a bright flash of light filled my vision forcing my eyes close, I could feel the vines holding me disintegrating as their hold becoming weaker and weaker.
When they were gone, a new pulse of energy burst forth from the tree, throwing me quite a distance away, someone’s cry of “Janos!” was the last thing I heard before my head hit something hard and the darkness of unconsciousness overtook me.
Author's Note
Here it is. A bit earlier than I expected, you might notice some difference between this chapter and the previous one, that's because the last chapter was ready for months now and just now I decided to publish it, and this one I wrote recently so I done a bit of improving over the past few months between them.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 2 - An offer I can't refuse
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 2 - An offer I can't refuse.
I awoke with the sound of a moving train preventing me from having some actual rest, and god knows I need some of that since the lab coat wearing unicorn by the side of my bed tells me that the events on that forest actually happened.
A quick look around tells me that I’m on an empty train car, with the exception of the doctor pony, there are two other ponies standing guard by the door to my left, those two are even wearing suits of golden armor one of them, the unicorn, has a pristine white coat with a light blue mane and the other, the pegasus, has a grey coat and grey mane, both keep staring nervously at me while I sit up. The doctor, quite oblivious to my waking up, has its back to me, he has a caramel coat with a brown mane.
“So doc, how long do I still have?” I ask casually massaging the back of my head, which I now realize is covered in bandages, it seems the doctor really wasn’t expecting me to wake up so soon since he almost hit his head on the ceiling.
“By Celestia, you scared me.” He says, getting his shit together, “The spell shouldn’t have worn off so soon, curious” He mutters to himself rubbing his chin with a hoof, “Oh! I’m sorry, you should be fine your legs and arms were a bit damaged but nothing we couldn’t heal, even if magic behaves oddly around you.”
“Thanks a bunch, doctor…”
“Oh! Where are my manners?” The doctor says shaking his head at his own mistake. “I am Doctor Horse, pleasure to meet you Janos.”
Doctor Horse? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Either he didn’t notice my small chuckle at his expense or he chose not to acknowledge it.
Taking a good look at myself I can see he is at least half right, my left leg and right arm are the only ones with actual bandages in it and my leg is not even completely covered, only some patches here and there, but my right arm however, it’s completely covered from fingers to elbow, if those ponies definition of ‘fine’ is that, then I don’t want to know what bad means. And someone stripped me, they left my shorts on, but my shirt and my jumpsuit have been taken off, feeling a bit violated here, but I can let it pass.
“Don’t worry, it’s not that bad, it’s just going to take longer to heal.” He reassures me with a smile after noticing my worried expression. “We just couldn’t do much with magic so we had to handle it differently.”
“So what’s magic’s problem with me?” I ask.
“Well, I’m no expert.” Doctor Horse answers, while levitating a stethoscope out of his bag. “But if I had to, I’d say magic doesn’t know quite what to do with you.” I can feel the coldness of the stethoscope metal against my skin, signaling the beginning of my examination, after various procedures which I will not bore you with, he declares that as far as he knows I should be just fine, which is very reassuring to know.
After he finishes he shows me my stuff in the corner and directs me to a small bathroom at the end of the car where I can freshen up a bit, so I take my backpack (which is right next to my absolutely ruined jumpsuit), and make my way to the restroom.
There’s not much in that little room, a toilet and a sink and mirror, which is just what I need. I throw some water on my face and stare at the mirror, my reflection just stares back at me, its eyes staring back into mine, and one of them is actually blind, the left eye lost its original green color a few good years ago in an accident. My scars are also all there, there is the one that cuts my blind eye and another one running through my chin, as well as a few on my chest.
I then take a moment to check if everything is in order, the first thing I notice is that my GPS is broken beyond repair, my other stuff seems fine, some extra bullets for the rifle, the skinning knife, a pair of pants, three long sleeved t-shirts, and a grey hoodie, some underwear, and the obligatory first aid kit. There is also some rope, and lastly one of those water purification thingies.
After I make sure everything is here, I put one of the t-shirts on and the pair of pants, placing the dirty shorts I was wearing back in the backpack.
When I open the door, the grey pegasus is just standing right there staring at me. “Can I help you?” I ask after a particular awkward silence.
“The princesses require your presence Sir.” He says rather stoically.
“The princesses? As in the ones that were missing? They are here?” I ask a bit too excitedly.
“Yes Sir, they would like to meet you.” He answers before turning away from me. “If you would follow me please.”
He doesn’t need to say it again, I follow him closely as we pass some cars of the train, most of them are empty but there is the occasional pony here and there, needless to say, the moment I step into the car all eyes are on me, some with curiosity and some with fear, strangely.
Then we reach the last train, also guarded by two guards, this time however one of the guards is wearing a dark armor, and something’s off about that guy, his pupils are like that of a snake or a cat and his wings are not feathered like a bird but leathery like a bat, the unicorn by his side has the golden armor I saw before, and nothing is wrong or unusual about her.
Both of them nod once at my escort and open the door, revealing a much more refined train cart, it’s probably some first class stuff or exclusive to royalty, all in all, lots of valuable stuff in here. But that’s not what catches my eye at first (surprisingly), neither are the very obvious princesses calmly drinking their tea, oh no, that shit is normal at this point, ponies? I’m all over that shit. Okay some bad phrasing there, but you know what I meant. But anyway, the thing that really caught me unguarded is exactly that, a thing, I have no idea how to describe it, it’s an amalgamation of various animals, he (I think it’s a he) has a lion’s paw, an eagle claw, a hoof and a lizard leg, he’s also got some sort of weird tail which I’m guessing is from some sort of lizard, and a goat’s head with differing horns, one of them is a antler.
And he’s just hovering there, teacup in its paw, grinning at me, I don’t like the look of that smile, I’ve seen it before and it always ends up with someone fucking me over.
All the other ponies are there, as well as the two I presume are the princesses, a big white alicorn and a smaller, but still bigger than the others, dark blue alicorn.
“Ah, I see you’re awake Janos.” The white alicorn greets me as soon as I get into view, almost as if she knew exactly when I would get here. “Please take a seat, would you like some tea?” She says pointing me to a seat besides Rainbow Dash and Applejack, and both of them give me a very friendly smile.
“Nah, I’m good.” I say taking the seat she’s points for me, “I take it you are Celestia?”
The white mare slowly nods, confirming my assumption, even though some ponies on the room didn’t exactly like my casual way of approaching that, “Yes, and this is my sister, Luna.” She says motioning towards the darker alicorn.
“It’s an honor to meet our rescuer.” Luna says with a small bow of her head.
“I just did the dirty work, your highness.” Yes, I am awesome,
“Please don’t be so modest, Janos my boy!” The snake thing suddenly jumps from his seat and next thing I know his head is right next to mine while his claws rests on my shoulders, “You’re the hero here, take a bow!” With a snap of his talons a large golden medal with his face and thumbs up show up around my neck while streamers and confetti fall from the ceiling all over me. Pinkie is ecstatic immediately yelling something along the lines of ‘Yay! Party!’ I don’t know for sure, too busy trying to figure out how he managed to confuse me in so little time.
“I’m sorry, and you are?” Is all I manage to say after collecting myself.
“The name is Discord my dear boy.” He whispers in my ear, very uncomfortable with this guy right now. “And we’re going to be the best of friends.”
After that particularly creepy and ominous line of dialogue he once again snaps his talons and goes back to his original spot besides a very cross Fluttershy. “Discord, would you please take it easy with Janos?” She pleads him, “He is not used to your particular brand of inappropriate yet.”
And the dude actually looks a bit sorry. “Nopony’s used to Discord.” Applejack mutters under her breath causing me and Rainbow to let out a little laugh, and I think I even saw a little smirk escape Celestia which she carefully hid with a sip of her tea.
“With introductions out of the way, I think we should get to the matter at hand.” Straight to the point Celestia? I like that. “We have a lot to explain to you Janos, so where would you like to begin?”
I don’t even miss a beat. “How do I get home?”
She takes another sip of her tea and the freaking wait is already killing me, it was enough to go through that freaking forest, then all this bullshit which I wish could’ve been avoided, I’m not here to mingle lady, just point the way and I’ll be out of your hair.
“It’s not that simple.” Fucking hell, I can’t believe this, I’m not going home anytime soon am I? “You see, your world and ours share a type of connection”
“I don’t get it.” I interrupt her rather rudely, “if they are connected just point me the way and I’ll be out of your hair as soon as this train stops.”
“It’s not that simple Janos.” She pauses a bit, as if not knowing exactly how to explain things before Luna picks up the torch.
“Think of it as some sort of veil, every now and then the veil becomes thinner, allowing things to slip through.” Celestia nods at her explanation and motions for her sister to continue. “Usually just objects, small ones, but sometimes someone like you comes along, and the rift for an actual person to slip through only happens in an instant, just enough for you to pass through.”
At that point my head just falls down on my hands, I get it already, it’s not going to happen for a very long time, I might as well just resign and start a life here of some bullshit like this. “So, I’m not going back?”
“We have studies on it, some theories as to how to force open those rifts.” Twilight tries to reassure me and I can tell she knows that isn’t going to help a lot.
“Yes, but nothing conclusive and you can’t guarantee me a way back right?” Against my best efforts I must have actually sounded as crestfallen and depressed as I actually felt.
The tension was palpable, I don’t even know for how long the silence lasted, for how long I just sat there with my head on my hands, the sound of the train moving the only thing my head was registering, I’m stuck here, for good actually, part of me kinda knew that already I guess, all that was left was the confirmation, I wish it never came.
Then I felt her wing drape over me, it took almost all my will to just glance at my right side and see Rainbow’s face, a small smile on her face, and her rose colored eyes staring back into mine, almost as if saying that it will be alright. Looking at the other ponies I could see variations of that same look, none got really stuck in my head like Rainbow’s tough.
Anyway, after that I knew I just had to ask her. “Is there someone…” I didn’t even had to finish speaking, the shaking of Celestia’s head told me everything.
“If we are so far away from achieving the means to pierce through the veil ourselves, then I don’t believe there is another court of magic in this world who is any closer than us.” Even Celestia looks dismayed, before she was all calm and collected never showing what’s really on her mind, but now it’s pretty obvious it almost feels out of character for her, and looking at Luna, something tells me she actually knows what’s going on in my head right about now, or at the very least is the one closest to understanding.
“There is something else we have to talk to you about, though if you like, we could discuss it further tomorrow.” Luna says, breaking this silence before it can settle. “If you’d like some time to yourself.”
“No, just get it over with.”
“Are you sure sugarcube? You don’t look so good.” Applejack says placing a hoof on my shoulder which I immediately push off, “Maybe you should take some time, sleep on it and talk tomorrow.”
“I just want to get it over with.”
“Darling we are just looking out for you.” Rarity chimed in.
“Yes Janos, this is all very stressful, maybe some time out would be good for you?” Comes Fluttershy’s timid voice from the other end of the room.
“I don’t need anyone looking out for me ok?” My tone probably came out a lot harsher than I intended since the room just fell into silence after that. I took a deep breath to recompose and continued, “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to offend anyone, I can handle it all right?”
“Very well then.” Celestia said after clearing her throat to proceed to the next reason on the list of Things Fucking Janos Over, “There is another reason as to why we can’t send you home.” We need more Celestia? I think we covered that up pretty well already. “If you could remove the bandages in you right arm please.”
I raise an eyebrow at this, what does my right hand have to do with going back home? It’s just injured right? Slowly and carefully I begin untangling the cloth wrapped around my arm, and at the beginning I just see some burnt marks nothing I wasn’t expecting. Then I get to my wrist and I see what she is talking about there is a line in it, a line that goes all the way around my wrist and connects the way back. But not just any line, it’s about an inch thick and its colorful, there is magenta, then red, blue, purple, orange and finally pink.
“What.” The word comes out of my mouth before I even realize it, “In the name of fuck, is this?”
If they took offense to my rather rude language, they didn’t show it. “It’s called the Mark of Harmony.” Celestia said.
“The Tree of Harmony must have marked you when you inserted Twilight’s element into its trunk.” Luna explains further, “And it is proof that Harmony chose you.”
“Are you telling me, that a tree brought me here and then branded me?” I start rubbing my temples trying to suppress a forming headache.
“We don’t know, it could be that the tree brought you here.” Celestia says while pouring some more tea for everyone. “Or, the tree simply chose you when you assisted the girls.”
“Chose me for what?” I ask, dreading the answer.
“When someone is given the mark, it means Harmony has chosen that individual to protect and guard the elements, or its bearers.” Luna explains, “It has only happened a hoofful of times in recorded history.”
“Yes, and the mark has another function beyond that.” Celestia intervenes, “It is a ‘shackle’ of sorts, anchoring you to the elements, even if we did managed to send you home, the connection would simply bring you back.”
I can’t believe, it’s got to be a joke, the universe really does hate me. I’m not a hero, or a chosen one, and I’m far from being a protector, my job is pretty much the opposite of guarding things, why would this freaking tree choose me? Was it all jus coincidental? Wrong place wrong time?
”I’m sorry princess, but I’m neither able nor willing to take up that mantle.” Some of the ponies in the room actually looked a bit disappointed by my response, the most obvious one was Pinkie, probably because it would mean less chances of befriending me or something.
“I didn’t expect you to just accept it Janos.” Celestia says openly smirking. “That would be a very important job and you will be rewarded accordingly.”
“You mean you will hire me?” I carefully asked, if there is money involved, then maybe, just maybe it could be worth it, I mean I am broke, now even more, at least back on earth I had an apartment and money for the essentials, but here I have nothing besides what I brought and that is very little. Besides I bet I could do a decent job at it, I mean, protecting six ponies, how hard can that be?
Now more than ever I need to approach this calmly, it’s clear that either they can’t help me go home, or are hiding that information from me, so now I need to find a way home myself, that means money and connections, those girls seem pretty important so the pay is bound to be very good, and I’ll be working with royalty which means good connections, I’ll work for them for some time, find a way back, get rid of this mark somehow and be back before Barry notices I’m gone.
“What’s the pay?” Now we just need to get the specifics out of the way.
“You mean you’ll take it?” Rainbow asked rather excitedly, what is she getting so worked up about. wasn't she the one who didn't trust me?
“No, it means I want to know how much I’m getting paid for it.” I answer, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, a tree may want me to do her dirty work for her, but that doesn’t mean I’ll do it for meager pay.”
“Rest assured you’ll be well rewarded.” Celestia chuckles at my eagerness once the word ‘reward’ showed up. What can say? It comes with the job, “A monthly royal stipend and private quarters on Canterlot Castle for starters, and all equipment will be provided by the royal treasury, within reason of course.”
That seems like a freaking good deal, why would she trust me that much and be willing to dump so much time and money on me like this? Aside from this mark this woman knows nothing about me, she has an agenda and I'm just another resource to her, I'll need to be extra careful about this mare. “That’s a very good deal, I might just take you up on that.”
“Does that mean you’ll take the job?” Twilight asked, a certain glimmer in her eyes, whether because she actually wants me to take the job, or because she gets to keep the alien for longer I’ll never know.
“Don’t answer us yet Janos.” Luna said, “Tomorrow we shall discuss the finer points of your employment, now we shall feast in celebration of the day’s achievements.”
“So… Party?” Came Pinkie’s hopeful little voice from the little corner where she had been hiding.
And that seemed to be it, all tension was drained from the room when I began laughing for some weird reason, soon enough everyone was laughing and having fun, granted I was still a little shaken from all that happened so far, it’s a lot of information to process in the span of the few hours so a lot of that trip to Canterlot was spent going through all that that conversation multiple times.
That’s not to say I didn’t take part in the ‘celebration’ of course, Rainbow and Pinkie Pie would take any opportunity to get me out of my musings, even Discord tried to help them but I still think he was just taking the opportunity to be annoying than trying to actually help.
Very soon we arrived in Canterlot, we were escorted to the castle and taken to our rooms, and as soon as my head hit the comfortable pillows and the soft mattress I was sleeping like a baby, the concerns of the day were gone almost instantly as if the bed itself was enchanted to give me the rest I needed, and looking back I wouldn't put it past Luna to go out of her way to help.
Tomorrow would be a big day, probably the first day in my new job. A human thief hired as protector for six magical mares in a world where nothing makes sense, what could possibly go wrong? I’ll get the money find a way home, and then go back to how things were right?
Oh boy, I had no idea how wrong I was, my troubles were just beginning.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 3 – Making some good impressions.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 3 - Making some good impressions.
Needless to say, my morning was no less chaotic or weird than my previous day in Equestria, it all started when I woke up to a pony standing ominously by the side of my bed. Now, being the professional I am, I approached this event in a calm and collected manner.
“AAAAHHH!” Meaning I screamed like a girl and fell off the bed, I am so proud of myself sometimes, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I asked rubbing the back of my head, not even five minutes in the day and I already have a headache.
“Waking you up silly!” The intruder, who now I recognize as Pinkie Pie, answered giggling like a school girl, “But you woke up before I did anything, so I guess I’m really good at this.”
Oh god, it’s too early in the morning for this, “Well, I’m up, what do you want?” Yes, awake and pissed.
“Twilight sent me to take you to breakfast.” Pinkie explained sticking her head inside my backpack, “Oooooh, what’s this?” You know, before this day I never thought I would see a bright pink talking pony with one of my boxers on her face, funny how life turns out huh?
“It’s too early for this.” I mutter under my breath, rubbing my eyes. I just wanted one pleasant awakening in this place, is this too much to ask for? “It’s my underwear Pinkie, please put it back where you found it.”
One ‘okie dokie loki’ later I made my way to the bathroom, took a bath and returned to find Pinkie Pie wearing one of my t-shirts and the shorts I was wearing yesterday, “Can we go have breakfast now? Or do you need to mess with more of my stuff?” I asked knowing full well the last question would bring me nothing but trouble.
“Nope, I’m okay, but thanks for asking.” She asked, oblivious to the sarcasm.
As we were about to leave my eyes fell on the rifle resting on the couch just to the side, should I take it with me? I’m sure this castle is full of guards and stuff, but I can’t shake the feeling I should take it with me, just to be safe, Pinkie notices my hesitation and looks at me with a concerned expression, “Are you ok Jay-Jay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I answer her deciding to take my knife and rifle just in case, “And don’t call me Jay-Jay.”
“Did you wake him up?” said Rainbow Dash as she swooped in the room through an open window. “Pinkie, what the hay are you doing?” ‘Hay’? Seriously?
”I’m messing with Jay-Jay’s stuff!” She happily explained shaking her ass to show my shorts loosely covering it. Suddenly I’m very aware of their usual nakedness. I guess I’ll have to get used to it.
Not sure if that’s a good thing, but what am I going to do?
“Great Pinks, but we’re kinda late for breakfast, you know?”
One ‘okie dokie lokie’ later and we’re making our way through the castle’s corridors, thankfully Pinkie Pie conceded and took my clothes off, leaving them on my bed.
“So you’re going to be our bodyguard huh?” Rainbow asked me with a bit of a smirk.
“Apparently. Celestia and Luna still have something to discuss with me, so I guess I’m not really hired yet.”
“You sure you can handle it?” She asked, not mockingly but with some actual concern, “I mean, don’t get me wrong but you look a bit…” She paused a bit biting her own lip, “Lanky, I guess?”
“Oh! How could I ever take that as an insult?” I don’t think I have to tell you how much sarcasm was in that sentence.
“I didn’t mean it like that!” She quickly added, “You were pretty cool at the forest” I know a pity compliment when I see one lady, “it’s just that we get into a lot of trouble and most of it is magic stuff and you don’t look especially tough.”
She raises a valid point, anything magical would be a lot of trouble for me, to top it all off the doctor said magic has a weird effect on me, no idea what effect that is, but it looks like spells behave differently around me, but is that the good different of the bad one?
“Don’t worry about me, I’m nothing if not adaptable.”
“Yeah Dashie, humans are, like, experts at that,” Pinkie says like that was something anyone knew.
“Wait, how do you know that?” By Odin’s luscious beard how the hell does she know what humans are like?
“It’s Pinkie Pie big guy, you’ll learn not to question her.” Rainbow said completely unfazed by her friend’s impossible knowledge of humans.
And you know what? I don’t care that much, sure it’s weird and all, but something tells me that trying to understand the Pink one’s head will only cause me pain and suffering, so for now I’ll just ignore it and resume my conversation with ‘Dashie’.
“So Dashie, what kind of stuff do you get into?” I should try to get an idea of what I’m getting myself into here.
“Oh you know, the usual, chaos spirits, evil smoke kings, a bug queens that feeds on love.” I’m starting to think this isn’t such a good idea after all.
“I’m surprised, you didn’t really strike me as the hero type.” I answer trying to keep my cool about it, cant freak out in front of the people I need to protect.
“What?!” Rainbow jumps up into the air to get to eye level with me and a bit uncomfortably close to, “You’re looking at the fastest pegasus in Equestria and awesomest pony around, I can be a hero anytime I want.”
“First off,” I say pushing her face away from mine, “I’m pretty sure awesomest is not a word, and secondly if you’re really all that, then why do I have this?” I asked showing her the mark on my wrist.
“How am I supposed to know why the elements think we need a big monkey as a bodyguard?” And I’ll let that one pass, but if someone calls me a freaking monkey again, then I’m gonna punch something.
“Hey guys we’re here!” Pinkie said pointing way too excitedly at the huge table on the other side of the open door where we found ourselves.
Rainbow and Pinkie took their places with their friends and following Celestia and Luna’s lead, who were motioning me to take a seat next to them, I sat with the princesses.
“Good morning Janos, how was your sleep?” Asked Luna once I sat next to her.
“It was very nice your highness.” I politely answered, taking some bread and butter in front of me.
The table was filled with all sorts of food, It’s big enough for all eleven of us and there is still some space left, so there was food everywhere, all kinds of salad and sandwiches which I would be partaking in but every single sandwich there has freaking flowers in it, so I guess just bread, butter and some coffee will have to suffice.
I’m really missing bacon and eggs right now.
“So Janos.” Celestia began, “Might I ask why you came to breakfast armed?”
I didn’t really think this through huh? “Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it, your majesty.”
“I’ll let this pass because of the nature of the work you’ll be performing for us.” She answered, “But in the future do note that bearing arms while a guest in a castle is not exactly considered good mannered.”
“Noted.” I said pretending to write something on a napkin and putting it in my pocket, the princess shot an angry glare that I did my best to pretend like I never saw, but Luna’s little giggle told me I at least got the favor of one of my bosses.
“So, Twilight what do you have planned for today?” Celestia asked once everyone got their plates full. Applejack was full of apples and apples related stuff, so I guess she really takes her name seriously, Pinkie got tons of cereal, there are three bowls in front of her, and I’m not talking those healthy cereals it’s the sugary kind, Fluttershy and Rarity are the modest ones, some simple salads with some toast, while Twilight and Rainbow went right for the sandwiches.
“Well, I was planning on showing Janos the city for today, then coming back for dinner and the celebration.” She answered after swallowing a rather big and, might I add, unladylike amount of food.
What’s this about a celebration?” I asked after pouring some coffee for me.
“The Summer Sun Celebration.” Celestia began, “It’s a celebration where I raise the sun on the longest day of the year.”
“It’s quite the event.” Said Rarity, “Last year it was held back home, on Ponyville.” Ponyville? Really? I’m going to live in a place called Ponyville? Someone shoot me already.
“And it was the best one in a very long time.” Celestia said, sharing a warm smile with her sister.
“Ah just realized we know nothing about our guardian here.” Applejack suddenly said. “C’mon pardner, tell us a little about yourself.”
“Not much to tell, I’m from a city called New York, grew up in an orphanage there.” That much while technically true, is just the story I feed people that don’t need to know the truth, which is everybody.
“And what did you do back in this New York?” This time, Rarity asked, having finished with her breakfast.
“Mostly odd jobs, though recently I opened a pub with a friend.” Also technically true, it’s more of a ‘disguise’ for the work we usually do.
“A pub? How lovely.” Rarity said with a smile.
“Really? Ah guessed you were some kind of guard or something.” Applejack said, “What with carrying that weird looking weapon around.”
“Oh no, I just learned how to shoot as a hobby when I got old enough.” I don’t think I need to say how much of a blatant lie that one is, “it's great stress relief.” I added once I saw the confused looks I was getting.
“If ya say so sugarcube.” The discussion was over then and there, I could tell Applejack either didn’t believe me or at the very least thought I was a bit of a nutjob, and honestly? I hope it’s the latter, better to sound like a weird guy than to sound like I’m hiding something.
“But enough about me, I still don’t know anything about the girls I’m supposed to be guarding.” I said, motioning for the side of the table where the ponies were sitting, “So tell me, Miss Rarity, what’s your particular line of work?”
“Oh, I am a fashion designer darling.” She said with eagerness, “Though I’m still not that successful.”
“A fashion designer? I did take you for an artist.” I said, earning a few chuckles from the mare.
“You’re too kind Janos, but yes I suppose I could be described as such.” The look on Applejack face tells me that modesty is not really a constant in Rarity’s life.
“If it wouldn’t be asking too much, I could use you help with a fashion emergency of sorts.” I said hoping to catch her curiosity.
“But of course darling, fashion emergencies are how I make a living after all, so tell me what ails you.”
“As I said before humans wear clothes all the time, so it turns out I don’t have anything else to wear here in Equestria…”
“And you’ll like for me to design some ensembles for you?” She asked, some sort of weird spark in her eyes, to be honest it scared me and made doubt my previous decision to go to her for assistance.
“Well, nothing too fancy… But yeah.” I answered her.
“Oh this is perfect! I never designed anything for non-ponies!” Her eyes could be on fire right now for all I know, this mare sure loves fashion, “There is so much I could do. Oh you’ll have to come and spend a day at my Boutique so we can discuss everything at detail!” I have made a grave mistake.
Images of me having to stand as a model for some Victorian era set of clothes flashes through my head causing me to shudder slightly, no idea why that went through my mind though.
“Anyway.” I said, “What about you Miss Jack.”
“Shucks sugarcube, no need to go all formal on me, just Applejack will do.” She said tipping her hat, “Ah’m just a farm pony, since the day I was born.”
“Let me guess, Apples?”
And just like that the rest of the conversation was diverted from me to them, not that I paid a whole lot of attention on it, so I just got some bits of information, what they did for a living and such, since no other opportunities like the one with Rarity arose, I just sort of allowed myself to fall back into my own musings.
Because I just stopped talking altogether, the other ponies just went on to discuss their own issues and I was left alone to think, think about all sorts of stuff, once again my head went to the only place it shouldn’t be going.
How fucked I am right now, I know that I keep telling myself to stay calm and control my feelings since just letting go of the wheel will do more harm than good, I mean, just breaking down in tears won’t accomplish anything but sometimes it takes a lot to keep it from happening.
Luckily no one noticed any moment of weakness at the table. At least I hope they didn’t.
Shortly after we were done with breakfast, and Celestia and Luna took their leave. Luna went to sleep and Celestia off to work, because apparently they take their titles seriously like that and just like everything else in this place it still doesn't make any sense to me.
Within minutes we were on our way to see the city. There must have been at least three occasions where I found myself realizing I was really not home and this one was the fourth, an entire city full of ponies, no humans to be seen, no infrastructure made with humans on mind as far as the eye could see and suddenly I was painfully reminded of just how far from home I was.
It’s funny really, almost like our minds don’t want to believe what’s happening, I’m always expecting to turn a corner and see a human there or to suddenly wake up and find that all this was just a bad dream, I guess it’s going to be awhile before I get used to all this, and honestly? I’m not sure I want to.
“Are you okay Janos?” Fluttershy nudged me in the leg with her leg to get me out of my musings.
“Huh?” I asked before registering what she was saying, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I reassured her, weird how the thought of getting her sad of worried over me is so uncomfortable. “I’m just realizing how far from home I really am.”
“Well, I know it looks bad now, but at least you got friends right?” She told with a warm smile on her face.
“Friends?” I asked, this time without really registering what was leaving my mouth.
“Yeah, what did you think we were?” She asked me incredulously, I couldn’t really tell whether she was mocking me or if she really couldn’t believe I didn’t see them that way. “I mean, we’re going to be stuck together like that, we might as well be friends right?”
I didn’t answer that and I guess she didn’t really want me to, more food for thought than anything else. How long has it been since I had an actual circle of friends? It’s been just me and Barry for so long now, it’s better that way, safer.
When I first got here in Canterlot it was dark and my mind was not really capable of focusing on the landscape around me so I missed a lot about this city. But now that I can see it in bright daylight, I really have to hand it to these ponies, this place is amazing. The whole city is built on the side of a mountain, a fact that I’m not sure is breathtaking or terrifying, and after a barrage of questions directed towards Twilight I came to the conclusion that ‘its magic’ is the best explanation I’ll be able to understand.
And show me the city they did, they showed all kinds of landmarks: from museums and art galleries to parks and antique stores, soon we reached our destination for lunch, a small restaurant in the busiest parts of the city, Twilight called it the Lower Districts, one of the oldest parts of the city, and a pretty busy section of it, most of the restaurants and businesses are located here, so it's where everyone ends up hanging out during the weekends and holidays.
The restaurant was not the fanciest one we seen all the day, but it was still pretty fancy, all the waiter and waitresses wore some kind of weird suit, it was just the collar and the tie nothing else, which lead me to believe that ponies considered dressing up some kind of formality, a fact prove all the more true by what Rarity told me of her job.
By the way that’s when I got my first taste of what’s like to be the only one of your kind in a place where everyone never even heard of someone like you, and it sucks, everyone I passed would stop to stare at me, either with fear or confusion. It’s really not fun.
But the restaurant staff did relatively well, they tried to keep their cool and act professionally around me, but it seems that I’m way scarier than I was led to believe since the waitress that was serving us was shaking when she delivered my menu, I tried to be as polite as I could with the poor mare but that didn’t do much good.
But that’s not the important part. The important bit were the two ponies who had been following us ever since we left the park a couple of hours ago, a green pegasus and a blue unicorn, they sucked at it too, completely obvious, well at least to me. I didn’t tell the girls anything during our trip, because I wasn’t sure they were actually following us and if they were, I didn’t want them to end up letting it slip and making them realize we were onto them.
Until we got to the restaurant. I let them get their menus, talk all they wanted and order their food, then I slowly curved forward, “Don’t look around, but we’re being followed.” Pinkie immediately started to look around but I managed to pull her back to us in time, “I said to not look around damnit.” What is the problem with this girl?
“Somepony is following us?” Rarity asked as if she didn’t understand what I was saying, “Are you sure darling?” She added after I nodded at her.
“Keep talking as if nothing happened, we don’t want them to realize we spotted them.” Slowly they began to awkwardly resume their previous conversation, something about Twilight’s participation in the celebration. "Here’s the plan, we’re going to have lunch and go on with our day as we would.” I said over their awkward conversation.
“Just let them follow us?” Twilight asked, “Don’t you think we should get help from the guards or something?”
“No, if they see us even saying hi to a guard they’ll get suspicious and bail out.”
“I thought we wanted them to stop stalking us?” Rainbow asked.
“No, they’re following us for a reason.” I explained, “I want to know why.”
“Well, you certainly are dedicated to your job, I’ll give you that darling.” Rarity said, pouring some tea for Fluttershy who is putting up the worst poker face I’ve ever seen right now, “Calm down sweetie I’m sure Janos will take care of it.”
“I’m just trying to make a good impression.” I reply with a small shrug.
“And that has nothing to do with you wanting to score a few more bits with the princess?” Applejack asked with a playful smirk. No idea what the fuck a bit is, but I’ll just assume it comes with benefits.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I replied with a smirk of my own.
“Ok, so we let them follow us. Then what?” Rainbow asked bringing the main topic back.
“Twilight will lead us back to the castle, I’ll fall to the back of the group with one of you and keep an eye on our stalkers” I began explaining my plan to them, “Then I want Twilight to go into an alley, not a shady one, that will make them suspicious, just a small shortcut that isn’t filled with ponies.”
“Then we’ll lose them?” Fluttershy asked, hoping for the best. Poor thing’s not used to this.
“You’ll leave and go back to the castle. Get to safety.” I reassured her, “I’ll stay behind and ambush them, get some answers and then meet up with you.”
“Alone? How many of them are there?” Twilight asked, a look of worry on her face.
“Two of them, a green pegasus and a blue unicorn.”
“You sure you can handle them both alone pardner?” This time it was Applejack’s turn to doubt my capabilities. “A unicorn and a pegasus together can be a lot of trouble.”
“Trust me, I can handle two shmucks.” I replied. “Especially with this baby.” I nudged my rifle to show them what I was talking about.
“You’re not going to hurt them are you?” Fluttershy asked with an expression that I couldn’t tell if it was either of concern for our stalker’s safety or because of her own shyness.
“You want the nice answer or the truth?” I asked back, her timid ‘okay’ was enough to tell she didn’t really wanted to know.
The ponies seemed to take that as proof enough that I knew what I was doing, or at least believed I knew. For the most part they behaved nicely, tried to keep going with the day as if nothing had happened and they succeeded, even if the beginning of the conversation was a tad awkward.
The two stalkers kept their distance through the whole meal, my position at the table allowed me to be able to keep watch over them while not making it too obvious that I’m watching them. A couple of minutes, around half an hour to forty five minutes to be precise, the pegasus took off and didn’t come back anymore, if it was to report to someone or something else I didn’t know, but anyway I decided to proceed as planned.
After we paid the check, Rainbow moved back to the back of the group with me and tried to make conversation so that the pony following us wouldn’t get suspicious. Smart girl, we talked about nonsense most of the time, once I began asking how her little brother ‘Joe’ was doing she actually took a second to figure out what the hell I was talking about, for a moment I forgot this wasn’t a stake out with Barry, but she did fine and played along with the nonsense, even if now I’m certain Applejack thinks I’m insane. She wouldn’t be that far from the truth though, after all that is what that little voice in my head been yelling at me since I woke up with talking colorful ponies surrounding me.
After another hour of walking we were halfway up the city, making our way to the castle, the pegasus still hadn’t returned so it was just the unicorn stalking us that I had to keep watch on, and by the way those guys are terrible at their job, I wonder how these mares didn’t notice them following us until I said something, I mean there was a time when Rarity was spending two hours shopping where they had been sitting outside while reading newspapers with eye holes on it, they are like cartoonish thugs from those old goofy batman episodes.
If they had no idea they would have to deal with me, I would feel insulted.
“He still back there?” Seriously how can I be the only one who can see this guy?
“Yes Rainbow, still following us.” I answered the fifth reiteration of that question in the past hour, we turned a corner and I noticed Twilight was doing good in leading us to the lesser traveled parts of town. “I’m going to make a move soon, next corner run to the castle with the girls.”
“What? I thought I’d help you out, rough them up a bit.” She said throwing some punches around like a boxer getting ready for the next bout.
“Absolutely not, I’m supposed to keep you safe remember?” I reminded her, even if a bit harshly, after all I can’t have this girl getting hurt and end up losing this job before it even begins, “Just leave this to the professionals kiddo.” I added patting her head lightly.
“Hey! I’m not that younger than you!” Rainbow shouted, “And I thought I told you I can take care of myself.”
“You did, I just couldn’t care less.” I replied calmly before taking my rifle with both hands and taking my place just after the next corner, “Run along now, cute little pony.”
And she did, rather angrily but she still went along with the plan, I know I shouldn’t have teased her like that but something about her is just so… Teasable I guess, if that’s even a word, doesn’t feel like one though.
Anyway, the street I stopped at was very deserted, there were no entrances to the houses to the sides, being just an alleyway, so there was little chance someone would get in my way like that, so all I had to keep watch on for unwanted visitors were the exits of the alley, the one I was covering right now and the one at the end of the path where the girls left.
It was a few moments before I heard movement from the other side of the corner, “Did they notice me?” A soft male voice came from the blind spot beyond the wall, “I hope not, the boss is going to kill me.”
I quickly turned the corner and grabbed the unicorn’s horn, pulling him back with me, once back in my ‘hiding’ spot I let go and allowed gravity to its job, the pony fell face first on the ground, I then placed the end of my rifle against his cheek, rather forcefully too, he’s gotta know I’m not joking here.
“I’m afraid he might have to stand in line for that buddy.” Love sounding cool and shit.
“Oh Celestia, you’re not going to eat me are you?” He said bringing his hooves to his face in fear. The hell? Eat him? What the fuck does he think I am?
“Then you better start talking.” I said in my best I’m a monster who is going to eat you voice. My best, not the best.
The unicorn stole a glance at something above me, and when I turned (stupidly) to look, his horn glowed with a faint blue hue and I’m caught by surprise as an invisible force pushes my rifle away, the pony I was trapping kicked my leg causing me to fall on one knee, he immediately took that chance to flee at full gallop.
“All right buddy, you asked for it.” I muttered to no one in particular before taking aim and pulling the trigger. The shot tore through his leg like it was paper, blood sprayed from the wound painting the wall next to it and the unicorn fell on his face with a cry of pain. I don’t like wasting bullets like this, but there is no way I’ll catch up to a quadruped, and with his magic I have no idea what kind of tricks he can pull on me.
But at least my stupid move wasn’t completely in vain, I could see his little winged friend had come back right on time to join the party. I turned with the rifle still ready to make sure the pegasus didn’t pull any tricks on me, but as soon I look up I feel the pain of a hoof connecting with the back of my head, my first instinct is to keep my head down, but playing it safe never got me anywhere.
I got back up just in time to see the little green blur make the turn to tackle me again, I tried to take aim again, but this one is moving way too fast for me to get a clear shot, and he’s making some twirls and spins, he saw what happened to his friend and is taking some measures against it. Smart.
He made the turn and started to make way towards me again, coming from where his hurt friend is laying down, between the buildings on the street, I took aim again, can’t let this guy keep hitting me, it’s only a matter of time until he gets lucky and gets a good hit on my head.
A second after I lift the rifle to take the shot a rainbow blur comes from the corner of my vision tackling my attacker, they hit mid-flight and both go tumbling through a window on my left. God damnit Rainbow I told you to go back to the castle!
But that is the least of my problems right now, with my view cleared I can see the unicorn leaning against a wall breathing heavily, and his horn glowing brightly.
The invisible force comes back at full strength hitting me square in the chest, it sends me flying back to the main street, I can feel my back hitting something sturdy before I slide against whatever the hard surface I hit and touch the ground with my ass.
My vision grows blurry from the impact and I can feel my body getting heavy like I’m swimming in lead or something, a few moments later I begin to shake off these effects and try to get up again, failing miserably I fall again on my knees, I can see a bunch of ponies standing around me, the noise must have attracted a crowd.
“Private hold that creature down!” A gruff voice snaps me out of my daze, as another pony tackles me to the ground. “What in Celestia’s sweet bums is that?”
“I don’t know sir, it looks like some sort of big monkey.” The younger voice of the pony pinning me down replies, monkey huh? Time to make true to my promise.
Struggling I manage to score a punch on my attacker, “He’s struggling!” The pony I’m trying to get off me cries out as I can hear more hoof steps getting closer, one of his forelegs manage to hit me in the jaw, but I kick him in the guts getting him off of me.
Quickly getting up I can see just what the hell is going on, we’re surrounded by a bunch of ponies in gold armor, the unicorn I shot is being carried away in the magical grasp of another unicorn as Rainbow and the green Pegasus are being held by pegasi guards mid-flight, she’s got some scratches and a black eye, but aside from that she looks okay.
The other guards are surrounding me, being led by an older looking earth pony, “Now listen here colt, yah better surrender and come quietly, or we can beat yer senseless and take yer just as quietly.” He said with the gruff and deep voice you expect from a stereotypical drill sergeant.
“Look, this is all just a misunderstanding.” I say throwing my hands in the air casually, maybe I can reason with this guy. “I work for the Princess, these stallions here are my suspects.”
Oh god, even his laugh is stereotypical, “Oh sure and Ah’m a pretty little princess!” He spits on the ground right next to my feet and moves forward, “Ah’m only gonna say this once colt, surrender and come quietly.”
I can’t stop myself from smirking, “You said that twice.”
I can hardly see him move, he spins around in half a second and kicks me with both hind legs at once, right in the gut taking my breath away, and not in the romantic away, for the third time today I fall to my knees, this time clutching my stomach trying not to vomit, “Fuck man, learn to take a joke.” I manage to say through the pain.
“All right. Stallions, take these ruffians away!” He orders them, earning a ‘Hoo-aah’ in response. I am soon enveloped in some sort of magical grasp and thrown inside a metal carriage with Rainbow and my green assailant.
“Nice going there professional .” She whispers at me when she lands on top on my already injured stomach.
Yeah, nice going Janos. Real nice job.
Way to make a good impression.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 4 – Negotiations and revelations.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 4 - Negotiations and revelations.
And so I ended up in pony jail.
It’s actually pretty nice for a medieval-style dungeon, clean, no rats or vermin, and the guards treat you well, or maybe that’s because I’m a bipedal freak that creeps everyone out, I may have threatened one or two with dismemberment for calling me monkey so there’s that.
“Eye doing all right?” I asked Rainbow through the bars that separated our cells, we weren’t really arrested, just put away momentarily while they figured out why we were at each other’s throats just minutes ago, right now the unicorn I shot was being treated at some hospital and the pegasus Rainbow tackled through a window was being interrogated in another wing of the dungeons.
“Fine.” She answered, still not facing me. “No thanks to you.”
“Hey, you’re the one that came back.” I answered, “If you hadn’t gotten in my way none of this would’ve happened.”
“What?! I saved your sorry rump.” She shot back at me, “You’re the one who had the bright idea to make fun of the guard!”
Yeah, kinda dropped the ball on that one, “That doesn’t matter, next time I tell you to run don’t try to play the hero, that’s what gets you killed and me unemployed.” She just answers me with a curt ‘whatever’ before leaning on a wall, “That was a pretty cool tackle, though.” If it wasn’t so dark and had her back not been turned to me, I could swear I saw a little grin escaping her.
Our cells were barren, nothing besides a small toilet embedded into the wall and a cot on the ground where I was laying down facing the ceiling, occasionally whistling some catchy song from back home to keep me busy.
To be honest the whistling was more to keep the silence from killing me, not that I don’t like to be alone with my thoughts sometimes, in fact, I love it and I do it all the time but this was different. I had a feeling, it’s hard to describe with words but it’s kinda like a part of me was somewhere else, I could still feel it but it was distant. But the really weird part of it all was that I somehow could tell how far away it was, approximately anyway.
It was weird and I wanted it gone, still do, but whatever was causing that feeling was getting closer so decided to wait it out, see what was gonna happen and then do something about it.
“So what now?” I could tell she had calmed down a bit by her tone.
“We wait, Celestia is going to hear about this and come get us,” I said not bothering to sit up.
“We got into a fight dude,” She argued, “That’s not exactly something the princess would hear about.”
“A tall bipedal aberration used a weapon of unknown make and origin to blast a hole through a unicorn’s leg and cause him to almost bleed to death.” I answered back, “I think she’s going to hear about it.”
“And she did.” The sergeant that arrested us said as he entered the cell corridor we were in, accompanied by four alicorns, the three I already met and a new one.
The guards looking after us immediately shot into attention and Rainbow hurriedly knelt down in very awkward position for a pony, glad she doesn’t have her back to me anymore.
I just sat up crossing my feet and gave them my friendliest smile, “Princesses! Welcome to my humble cell.” I greeted them with open arms.
But they were not amused, well Celestia, Twilight, and the new princess didn’t, Luna looked quite pleased.
“Thank you, Sergeant, your presence won’t be needed anymore if you and your men could wait for us outside I would be very thankful,” Celestia said unlocking the door to our cells, she and the other two princesses entered my cell while Twilight got Rainbow.
“Your highness, he could be dangerous.” The sergeant answered.
“We are thankful for your assistance soldier, but it is no longer required.” Luna said, “If you and your stallions could follow your orders and stand guard outside, it would be very much appreciated.” A bit rude, but that’s the military for you.
The sergeant simply nodded and with a curt ‘move out’ led his men, or stallions, outside, leaving the rest of us alone in this dark and damp jail cell.
“I don’t believe we’ve met,” I said motioning for the new pink alicorn with the tri-colored mane.
“We haven’t,” She answered, “I am Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, though just Cadence is fine.”
I had to bite my tongue so I didn’t break out laughing, a princess whose name is literally My Love, this place is simply ridiculous.
“A pleasure.” I said getting up, “So what are we waiting for? It’s getting late and I’m hungry for dinner.” I made my way through the ponies towards the door, only to have it close on me covered by a yellow glow.
“Not so fast.” Luna using her weird magic to pull me by my shirt, “We still have some things to discuss with you.”
“Yes, we do. Rainbow Dash, your friends are waiting for you in the lobby, if you could wait for us with them…” Celestia said turning to face the pegasus.
“Ummm, yeah, sure princess.” Rainbow answered, “See you later Twilight.” And with that we were alone, a couple of moments passed as the princesses waited for Rainbow to leave, and then a couple more where we just sat there in silence.
“Rather fitting don’t you suppose?” Celestia asked me, all of a sudden, she wasn’t even looking at me, her gaze was inspecting the cell, going from the ceiling and the small window on the far wall, then down to the ground.
“What do you mean?”
“That we are having this discussion on a dungeon of course.” Luna answered me, “A man like you must have had quite the life changing discussions in rooms just like this one.”
“I bet it brings you many memories,” Cadence added.
Whoa, what are they talking about? Do they know? They can’t know, I just got here, literally the world away from everything. There is no way they know who I am.
“We know Janos,” Celestia said as if she was reading my mind. She might actually be capable of that, now that I think about it.
“About what?” I asked, feigning ignorance and putting on a neutral face.
“Do not play dumb with us Janos, you know very well what we are talking about.” Celestia said with a lot more calm than I expected, “We know all about you, Master Thief.”
Holy shit, they know. How the fuck did they find out about that?
“Well, not everything, just the important bits.” Cadence said, “But enough.”
“And how did you come across that information?” I asked them.
“We have our sources. “Luna answered with a smirk, “You didn’t think you’d be able to hide your past from us did you?”
“Sources?” I asked holding back a chuckle, “I understand you won’t tell me because that’s the way things work with you people.” I continued getting closer to the Princess until we were face to face, “But don’t feed me that bullshit like I’m one of you faithful little cannon fodder you like call soldiers and expect me to buy it, Your Highness.”
“Hey, that’s Princess Luna you’re talking to! Show some respect!” Twilight reprimanded me standing next to Luna.
“Guess what? I don’t care who you people are.” I answered staring back at her. “I’ll work for you, and I’ll do your dirty work for you.” I alternated my gaze between all the princesses in the room, looking each one in the eyes as I moved around the room going to the back wall where I could look through the window, “But to me, you are all just clients, this is a business transaction. Nothing else.”
“Formalities are not part of the job Janos, following orders on the other hand…” Celestia said before being interrupted by me.
“I’ll do whatever you need as long as I’m getting paid, well almost anything.”
“Oh? Then please tell us your terms.” She asked politely, despite being visibly pissed at my interruption.
Well, no point in pretending I’m not who I am anymore.
“Only one, I don’t get paid to kill, so don’t think I’ll be your little assassin.” I began, “I’ll do everything in my power to incapacitate, though I will take a life if it becomes absolutely necessary.”
“Glad to hear it, you would not be a very good guardian otherwise,” Luna said though it’s clear she and Celestia are the only ones actually happy to hear that.
“Princess you don’t expect him to… Well, you know.” Twilight asked.
“Sometimes we all have to do things we don’t want to Twilight.”
Celestia answered, “Janos may have to make some tough decisions in order to keep you safe.”
“And how do we know we can trust him? I mean, he is a criminal!”
“Look I’m not the most responsible guy in the world and I’m a bit
too selfish for my own good, but I never break a contract, you hire me and I’ll work for you until the job is done, that’s how this works.”
“Yes, and he has received the mark Twilight, clearly there are some redeeming qualities in this thief, otherwise he wouldn’t be chosen.”
Celestia said, backing me up, “Though I will warn you that while you’re under our employ you are not allowed to perform your usual job, Janos.”
“Hey, as long as you’re paying me, we will have no problem at all.”
“And how many bits are we talking about?” Cadence asked.
“No idea, I’m not familiar with your currency.” I answered, “I don’t
normally do this, but this time I’ll have to refer to you.” Usually, I say the price and that’s that, take it or leave it, “So how much would you say is fair?”
“What about two thousand bits per month? It’s roughly what Shining earned.” Cadence suggested to the other princesses.
“And what would that be worth in, let’s say real estate?”
“A very nice apartment on Canterlot.” Celestia answered, “In addition to the money you will be given any equipment you require, private quarters on Canterlot Castle and you’ll be staying with Twilight so food and housing will also be taken care of by us.”
Well, usually I expect more than that, but since everything else will be taken care of by the princesses and I won’t have to worry about getting a place to stay or food then I guess I can take it, besides it seems like I’ll be stuck in this job for a while so I’ll be able to save up a lot of it with little to no expenses like that.
“I guess that sounds fair enough,” I said after some consideration.
“Marvelous!” Luna said clapping her hooves in excitement, “Will you require any equipment?”
“Yes, I already have a weapon, but my rifle only has a little over a dozen bullets left and I don’t think I’ll be able to get more here.”
“So you’d like some sort of ranged weapon to replace it?” Twilight asked me, “Ponies usually use magic for that, but I think the griffons and minotaurs have something you could use.” More mythological creatures? What’s next? Dragons?
Needless to say, I was up for quite a surprise in the next few months.
“Will you be needing any armor?” Luna asked, suddenly looking very much more interested in the conversation.
“Didn’t really think about it, back home the best armor is not getting hit, so I never had much use for it.”
“You must be a very proficient fighter then,” Celestia said.
“Not really. I take it you saw what happened to the unicorn I shot?” I asked.
“We just heard about it, he’s still under operation,” Twilight answered
“Exactly, getting shot means you’re either dead or captured, regular armor doesn’t do a lot against that kind of thing, and the armor that does is too cumbersome for my sort of work, leather usually worked fine.” And just like that Twilight was even more scared of me than she already was, ok scared is too strong a word, it’s more like she was wary of me, and I get why.
But now she looks terrified, eyes wide and fixed on me, as if she was expecting to go for her neck at any second, the others seem calm, though, well Celestia and Luna does, Cadence just looks displeased.
“You wear other creature’s skin?” She asked fearfully.
I never really thought about it that way, I mean, yeah sure it’s some other animal’s skin but you never really think about what it is that you’re wearing. It's just clothing.
Now I feel kind of bad about it.
“Ok look, we eat meat and stuff, all right? Not my fault I was born a predator.” That’s really supposed to make her feel better huh? Now the poor girl will think you’re one lunch away from making her the next meal.
“What Janos is trying to say Twilight is that his people do things a bit different from us, in his world the only animals with intelligence like ours are humans.” Celestia calmed her with a much more sensible explanation.
“How do you know so much about my world?” I asked her with some small suspicion.
“I did say that sometimes a human would pass through the veil didn’t I?” She answered, “You are hardly the first and I doubt you shall be the last.”
“Must have slipped my mind,” I muttered, making a mental note to ask about my predecessors later.
“I still don’t like it,” Twilight said.
“Twilight…” Whatever Celestia had to say, however, was cut-off by Twilight.
“I’m sorry princess but I still don’t understand why he has to be involved!” She argued, “There are plenty of soldiers on the guard that would be just as capable as him!”
“Janos, would you please excuse us for a moment?” Celestia politely asked guiding Twilight out of the cell and through the door to the next room, the rest followed soon after, leaving me once again alone in my cozy cell.
Which meant I could finally address a little problem that had arisen.
“So Rainbow, what do you think of our discussion so far?” I asked, once I was sure the princesses were out of earshot.
After some seconds of hesitation Rainbow’s little head squeezed through the bars on the window sporting the cutest pout I have ever seen, “How did you know I was here?”
“You’re a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane. You kinda stick out.” I had noticed her a couple of minutes ago, but since no one else seemed to notice I decided to not say anything and wait to confront her about it.
“Whatever.” She answered obviously annoyed, “Are you really a thief?” She asked squinting her eyes in suspicion.
“Master Thief.”
“Same thing.”
“A common thief robs a convenience store or picks a pocket on a busy street.” I explained, “A Master Thief my dear, robs the most secure of vaults, I rob the rich and powerful blind and they never see me coming.”
“That supposed to impress me?” She asked.
“No, I just don’t like it when people compare me to a simple mugger.”
“Then why are you taking this job? It doesn’t sound like what you usually do.” She asked me after staring at me for a few seconds.
“Because I’m broke,” I answered her instantly. “I have no money or home in this world, and everything here is alien and strange to me, this job is perfect. Supposedly good pay, I get a roof over my head and even though Celestia surely has her own little plans for me, it’s still a hell of a lot better than going on my own.”
“Besides, these days I’m more of a mercenary anyway, Master Thief just sounds cooler.” I quickly added.
“Well, I can respect that.” She answered with a short laugh.
She hadn’t even finished saying that when we heard the distinct clicking sound of the cell wing door being opened coming from behind me, “You should probably be going now.” I said pointing to the door with my thumb.
Rainbow looked startled for a bit before shaking it off and removing her head from the window. Well, attempted to.
“Oh no.” She says as the realization that squeezing through prison bars is a hell of a lot easier than squeezing out of them settles in.
Whatever was being discussed between the four royal ponies died instantly once they saw the disembodied head of Rainbow Dash peeking through the bars of the prison cell, “Hehe, hey there Princess, how’s it going?” Rainbow said sheepishly.
“Rainbow Dash.” Celestia simply said with just the exact amount of disappointment dripping from her voice to make anyone’s heartbreak, not me, though, disappointing people is kind of my game. “How much did you hear?”
“Umm, you know, a lot.” The pegasus answered, not bearing to meet Celestia’s disappointing stare with her own. “I’m kinda stuck here, can somepony help me out?” For a couple seconds it seemed as if they had all decided to keep her there for a couple more minutes as punishment for eavesdropping, but Twilight came forward and with a flash of her horn Rainbow disappeared in a flash of purple only to reappear a fraction of a second later by my side in another bright flash.
Magic man continues to scare me to this day.
“It seems we have no choice but to involve her as well,” Luna commented once the pegasus had materialized in the cell.
“Yes, it appears to be that way.” Celestia agreed, “Very well then, Rainbow Dash, you are hereby prohibited from discussing whatever you heard this night with anyone but the ponies and human involved.”
“You mean, except the girls right?” Rainbow asked knowing full well what the answer was.
“Especially with the other bearers,” Luna answered.
“But I can’t lie to them, they’re my best friends.” The pegasus argued.
“I don’t like it any more than you Rainbow, but they’re right,” Twilight answered, sinking in her own shoulders.
“Janos can’t protect them if they don’t trust him Rainbow,” Celestia explained.
“With good reason,” Rainbow muttered under her breath, Celestia just smiled at her in a way a mother would to a child that just doesn’t know any better, a condescending smile, just the kind I hate, reminds me too much of the way the caretaker at the orphanage would smile at me when I was caught stealing candy.
“I would not ask this of you, my little ponies, if I did not think it was absolutely necessary,” Celestia said sweetly, draping a wing over Twilight and Rainbow and guiding them out of the cell, seems like we are finally leaving this blasted place. “And please, do give Janos a chance, you may find that redeeming him would be much easier than Discord.”
“No offense Princess.” I said, “But sexier girls than you have tried to change me, and none of them succeeded.”
Whatever reaction I was expecting from the sun princess, it was not the one I got.
She stopped walking halfway to the door to the lobby, turned around slowly and stood proudly before me with her chest puffed out and an expression that told me I just fucked myself good. Then she changed, the death stare was replaced by a seductive smirk and a more relaxed position.
“They might have been more alluring to your eyes dear.” She moved towards me slowly until we were face to face, then she slowly approached my ear speaking just loud enough for me but too quietly for the ponies behind her, “But I can assure you none were as experienced and capable as me.” She finished by flashing me a seductive smirk and a quick wink, leaving with a certain sway of the hips, rendering me unable to look away, not because I felt attracted to her mind you, it was just so bizarre that I couldn't take my eyes off it.
Luna soon caught up to me and standing by my side let out a small chuckle at my perplexed and dumbstruck expression, “Hope you learned your lesson.”
I was only capable of anything after all of them had left. “Oh hell no.” was all I manage to say to myself after my little moment of weakness, “I'm not even getting near that.”
------------------------------------------------------------------x----------------------------------------------------
We met with the rest of the girls outside and they immediately surrounded Rainbow Dash, all very concerned for her friend’s well-being, they relaxed when they saw she was all right though Applejack and Rarity were furious that Rainbow did something so stupid. Heh, I remember when I did something stupid in a job like, I don’t know, the time I lost an eye, no one would surround me and make sure I was ok, they would throw me a first aid kit and proceed to make fun me in any and every way conceivable.
Guess humans and ponies are just different like that. Or maybe I just had shitty friends.
Anyway, the princess then moved on to explain what happened to the ponies that were following us, the green pegasus whose name I learned was Sunny Days had been apprehended, at first they just assumed I was some sort of crazy monster terrorizing the citizens so they only needed him to provide context as to what the hell was going on, once the princesses confirmed I was indeed working for them, or about to be working for them, they started interrogating the poor stallion, they would let me know as soon as they knew what was going on. The unicorn was still unconscious in a hospital bed, but he was also in for a surprise once he woke up.
A couple of hours later the celebration was begun, as the newly appointed protector of the bearers, I watched the whole thing from behind the curtains, well metaphorical curtains since the whole thing was held on the outside.
There’s not a lot to say about it. It was very impressive to see a couple ponies supposedly move heavenly bodies with magic, I’m still not convinced they can actually do it, though, it could be just a ploy to earn the loyalty of the people by making themselves look like gods, but that’s not my place to say, quite frankly I don’t care what they raise or don’t raise as long as I get paid.
Afterwards we were escorted back to the train station by Princess Luna who took that opportunity to explain more about my job.
“There is the obvious task of protecting the bearers of course, but your duties will be more diverse than that.” Luna explained, “As mercenary working for the royal court you shall also oversee and advise the undercover guards already stationed in Ponyville that are charged with watching over the girls.”
“Wait, you already have people watching over them? Where the fuck were those guys when we were risking our necks on those woods?” I demanded, quite pissed that I almost got killed because a bunch of useless ponies wasn't doing their jobs.
“Coordinating the defense of Ponyville from behind the curtains.” She answered, “The bearers had to do their jobs without being distracted, besides our disappearance and the chaos that followed when the Everfree got out of control left plenty of our forces in disarray.”
“They are not very good guards then huh?”
“Equestria has been in peace for a thousand years now, our soldiers don’t have the same motivation or need to be as capable as before, a fact that displeases me greatly.” By her expression, I would say ‘displease’ is too kind of a word. “But that is precisely why we need you to shape them up.”
“Protect the mares, train the guards and oversee them, anything else?” I asked.
“Yes, you will also act as an Agent of the Crown on certain matters we feel would be more fitted for a human than a pony to handle, we have one such assignment ready, but it can wait until you have acquainted yourself with Ponyville and your new role.”
“That’s not exactly what I signed up for Princess.”
“You’ll be paid extra for those.”
“But I can live with it.”
“I thought you would.” She said with a smirk, “Another thing,” She opened a small saddlebag on her side and took a couple of papers and a small badge out, “These papers are the documents declaring that you are allowed to take residence and to work within our borders as well as recognizing you as a foreign mercenary working for the Crown, do take care of them.” She handed me the papers with magic, which I proceeded to carefully store in my backpack. “And this badge is the final proof of your employment, any armed forces inside and outside Equestria will recognize you as an Agent of The Crown if you present it to them.”
The badge consisted of a small copper shield emblazoned with a small circle in the center. One-half of the circle was gold and the other silver while the background had the materials reversed, it was very simple but still, manage to look very official, I also placed it in my backpack.
“Rarity has offered her services in providing you with clothes and such, we offered to cover all expenses but she insisted on doing it for free.” The princess finished.
Rarity, having heard her name being spoken, quickly stepped up, “It is my pleasure darling, always happy to lend a hoof to a friend.”
“Thanks.” I answered, “Is that all?” I asked the princess as we reached the train.
“Yes, expect word on your first assignment, should you choose to accept it, within the next month.” She said, “I do look forward to working with you Janos.”
She motioned towards the train, absolutely empty seeing as how it was the first hours of the day, the ponies entered with me right behind and soon we were on our way to Ponyville.
Most of the ponies fell asleep with the first hour of the trip back to Ponyville, Pinkie Pie insisted on sleeping on my lap because it was comfy, which kept me from finding a decent position to sleep, at least she backed down about the belly rubs.
Anyway, pretty soon I got fed up and decided to get some fresh air, carefully removing the pink mass of happy from my lap I made my way to that little space between the cars of the trains, no idea what it is called.
I got there and managed to relax a bit, the cool wind hitting my face was very therapeutically as always. The events of the day playing over and over again in my head, the pain from where I got kicked still tormenting me, and I checked, by the way, there were two big hoof marks on my stomach.
But my so needed alone time didn’t last long, soon Twilight joined me, at first we didn’t say much besides a ‘hey’, we just stayed in silence, watching as the sun slowly rose on the horizon.
“You know,” Twilight eventually broke the silence, “I’ve been thinking, and I think I judged you too harshly back there.”
“Really?” I asked, only vaguely interested in her.
“Well, I just think you are a better person than I thought, that’s all.” She answered, “So I’m sorry for that.”
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, you were being smart.” I said, turning to meet her face to face, “I’m not a good man Twilight, I’ve done very bad things and I’ve hurt good people for money, true I did my share of good too, but that doesn’t excuse the bad.”
“I’m not saying you’re perfect Janos, just that you’re not as bad as I judged you, you might have a bad job, but still, you did risk your life to save the Tree of Harmony and Equestria.”
“I only did that because it was my only lead at finding a way back home.”
“Fair enough, but you also risked your life to save me when we first met, you didn’t even hesitate and you didn’t even know I was intelligent.” She argued, “You thought I was just some little kid’s pet! Somepony who does something like that clearly has some good in them.”
“You don’t know me Twilight.” I said, turning to face the sunrise again, “Don’t pretend to.”
“True.” She turned away and opened the door to back to the private car, “But I’m hoping we’ll be able to change that.”
She left me to myself then, but I didn’t stay there for long, soon I went back inside, and finally got some well-deserved sleep.
So this is how it all begun, a new job, a new world, a new chapter in my life. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little bit excited to see what would happen next. But mostly, I just wanted a really strong drink.
Author's Note
Its funny, the both times I made a blog post about how I was going to be late, some free time ends up showing up out of the blue and I manage to release the next chapter earlier than expected.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 5 - Something stupid.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 5 - Something stupid.
“This is stupid,” I said for the third time that afternoon. “I actually don’t think there is anything stupider to be doing with my time.”
“Can you stop saying that? Finding out who is the most daring pony, is not stupid!” My blue friend shot back at me, finally losing her patience with my attitude.
So, what we were doing exactly? Well, I was brought by Pinkie Pie, who was the judge of this little waste of time, to make sure none of the participants got hurt, Rainbow and Applejack (The participants) were in a middle of one of their many competitions, this time to find out who was the most daring pony of the bunch, they had already done a bunch of challenges, which I am happy to have missed, but since the last one could actually get dangerous, Pinkie saw fit to call me.
Why she thinks I would be able to do anything besides fleeing in terror in case this whole thing went south, I have no idea.
The challenge involved covering each other in bees, as in the actual live bug, and see who would last longer and who would freak out and give up, there was just one problem to this whole ordeal.
“Yes, it is!” I answered, “When your whole challenge consists of seeing who can stand being covered in bees the longest but both of you are wearing bee-keeper suits then this whole thing becomes useless.”
“He does have a point sugar cube,” Applejack said. Yeah, you could have realized that the first time I said it.
“Uh, whatcha'll doing??” Said a brown, bee-keeper suit wearing pony that seemed to materialize out of freaking nowhere, I swear he wasn't there minutes ago.
“Something stupid,” I replied, hiding my initial shock.
“Stop saying that!” Rainbow stamped the floor with a hoof, causing some bees to latch off of her.
”Rainbow Dash and Applejack are competing for the title of ‘Most Daring Pony’! This is the final test: the Bee Stare! The last pony to blink wins!” Pinkie answered in her usual cheerful manner.
“Bee Stare? That sounds even stupider.”
“Yeaaaaah.” He says, having some trouble taking his eyes off me, most ponies here are very aware of me, hell there is this brown stallion that’s always wearing a tie that keeps following me around town whenever he sees me, he thinks I can’t see him but it’s kinda hard to miss the guy. “I’m gonna need my bees back.” He finally states.
“But then we’ll never find out who the most daring pony ever is” Rainbow pleaded.
The dude doesn't even miss a beat, “Eh, sorry about that.” And with a sharp whistle, the bees leave to follow him closely to wherever it is he keeps them, leaving behind two ponies in bee-keeper suits standing around like idiots.
“This has been the biggest waste of time I had since I got here, and I had to go shopping with Rarity yesterday,” I said getting up and rubbing my hands to get the dirt out.
“C’mon we can’t stop now!” Rainbow pleaded once again, struggling to get out of the suit, “Pinkie, what’s the score?”
“Let me see.” She says pulling out a notepad out of her hair, this time, I’m not fazed by her antics, I’ve seen her get an entire live baby alligator out of that thing nothing fazes me at this point, “Hmm, move the decimal, carry the 2….” After some seconds of her trying to make sense of whatever was written on that notepad she finally turns back to us, “Congratulations! You’re tied!”
“Tied?!” Applejack says surprised.
“You can’t be tied for the most daring pony!” Rainbow argued.
“And why not? At least it will get me home faster.” I quipped, but no one really paid any attention again.
“I dunno! Numbers don't lie!” Pinkie answers, showing us the notepad that is covered in nonsensical drawing and no score whatsoever, “I'd love to stay and keep keeping score, but I promised to help test the new school bell. I get to ring it all week, nonstop! And I don't even have to take turns because no one else volunteered!” And then she leaves, without as much as a goodbye or any sort of explanation for what the hell is written in that notepad or why, in the name of all the gods, a bell needs to be tested and why it hasn't been done so already since the thing has been replaced two days ago.
“Ok no problem, we just need to come up with another dare,” Rainbow says, looking around for anything that may give her an idea.
“I got one.” I say raising my hand in the air, “I dare you both to go home and to not disturb me with stupid shit for the rest of the day.”
She doesn't even bother answering me, instead giving one of her ‘just shut up Janos’ looks. She has become quite proficient at those lately. No idea why, though…
“Right.” Applejack brushes me off, “I think I got a good one.” She says, glancing in a foreboding manner at the Everfree forest.
Oh hell no.
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“I stand corrected, that wasn't stupid. This is.” I said as we crossed the little bridge leading to the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters.
All the way here was filled with yet another case of the ghost presence plaguing my mind. You see, every once in a while, I’ll get this weird feeling, like I can feel some sort of presence, sometimes its close by, sometimes it’s on the other side of town. The weird thing is, it is not a bad feeling, like something dangerous or bad is nearby it is just a presence sometimes it’s even more than one in different directions. I still had not been able to find out just what it was or what it meant, so I decided to just kept it to myself and avoid another one of Twilight’s tests.
This time, there were two and they came from somewhere inside the castle, but it vanished as soon as Rainbow began talking.
“Can you stop complaining? Nopony asked you to come.” Rainbow shot back at me.
“Actually you did, said you needed a new judge.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m unasking you.”
“That’s not a word, dumbass.”
“Yeah? And who made you the dictionary, jerk?”
“School did, featherbrain.”
“Monkey.”
“Can you two stop bickering like a married couple?” Applejack asked, preventing me and Rainbow from starting another one of our endless insult competitions that would quickly ensue, “Whether or not it’s stupid doesn't matter, cause you know Rainbow and I are gonna see this through and you can’t let us go into the forest without protection.”
And she was right of course, once these two began their little contests, there was no stopping them until someone was declared the winner and I couldn't just let them go alone. Luckily I go everywhere with my rifle and knife, so at least if something happens I can shoot at it until it goes away or drops dead.
“Anyway, here we are.”
“Hey, that’s where we got the elements!” Rainbow noted as we passed the large stone doors of the castle. “So, now will you tell us what the dare is?”
“When I was just a filly, there was this old legend Granny Smith would tell us.” Applejack began, “When Nightmare Moon was banished not ever little bit of her dark magic went with her.” She made a sudden turn after walking inside the shadows, making her voice lower and more dramatic as she went, “It is said, that when night falls on the castle, that dark magic takes the form…” She paused a bit, “The Pony of Shadows!”
“Ugh,” Rainbow responded rolling her eyes.
“Seriously?” I said, not believing I got dragged all this for a ghost story. “And what’s the point? See who last the longest in the castle at night?”
“That’s right! It’s a bit cliched, but sometimes the classics are the best bet.” She answered proudly.
“Fine, but if we are going to do this, lets at least look around, no point in sitting on our asses all night.”
Applejack was right, no matter what, I would not be able to talk them out of it, so all that was left was to go through the night without an incident.
So we began walking around, the whole place was crumbing to pieces, there was not a single room left untouched in that castle, seemed like whatever happened when Nightmare Moon was banished was big and flashy, because it tore up a lot of pieces of this place, but the worst part was that everywhere we went no treasure was left. Not even some cutlery I could sell, with the exception of the occasional tapestries and carpets the whole place has been picked clean.
So yes, this was yet another stupid waste of my time.
“I don’t see what’s so daring about an old legend, besides, I don’t believe in silly ghosts,” Rainbow said, as we turned a corner back into the main hall and stopped for a moment at a big and blue tapestry hung over the wall.
As soon as she finished the sentence, however, it seemed fate had decided to call bullshit on that, as the tapestry began to shake and a strange voice moaned and for some reason seemed to be struggling with something.
“You might wanna rethink your position on that,” Applejack said, pointing to the big piece of fabric that was thrashing about, a couple of seconds passed where all we could hear where the strange sounds coming from the wall before both ponies began screaming and running for their lives.
“Are you serious?!” I yelled at them, “It’s just the freaking wind!” But to my disappointment, they just began to run faster after the air got filled with a loud thunder that echoed through the castle halls and a big shadow resembling a pony flashed before us, it seemed like that was the last straw, and both mares bolted for the nearest exit leaving me behind with a cloud of dust. “And the creepy shadow that’s honestly kinda scary.”
But I didn't stay alone for long. Before I could begin to give chase after the two definitely not bravest ponies around, the wall behind me spun around hitting me in the shoulder and dragging me along with it like a rag-doll, tossing me at the hooves of a white pony.
“Janos?! Whatever are you doing here darling?” Rarity asked, no doubt surprised that I just got served the rag-doll treatment by a wall.
“Something stupid,” I answered getting up and shaking the dust off my clothes.
“Oh my Janos, are you ok?” Fluttershy said making me realize she was right behind me with Angel looking concerned, making it clear that there wasn't really any ghost as I recognized her voice as the one beneath the tapestry when it started to move .
“I’ll be fine.” I answered, easing her look of concern, “But what are you two doing here? Don’t you know you’re not supposed to go into the forest without me?” Realizing my mistake I quickly corrected myself, “No scratch that, you’re not supposed to come here at all”.
“I just needed some inspiration and thought that maybe I could borrow some tapestries so I could restore them.” Rarity answered.
“And you dragged poor Fluttershy into this?”
“Well, I needed somepony to help me with the heavy lifting.” She answered. “Those drapes can be quite heavy you know?”
I actually do know, we've had to steal a set of ancient Persian decoration for a collector couple of years ago. The plan was to use a scaffold they used in the museum’s renovation to get the stuff from the fourth floor to the truck, the scaffold in itself was pretty old and rusty so in hindsight we should have seen that one coming. The moment we loaded the scaffold with the drapery the whole thing snapped and fell to the ground, luckily it was mostly intact but I still can’t believe we managed to sneak out with the rest of the decorations through the backdoor.
It was some of the weirdest jobs we took, the guy that hired us wasn't particularly interested in the vases and the smaller, easier, to carry goods. No, what he really wanted was the hundreds of feet of drapery they used to decorate the hall where they were displaying the rest of the stuff, when asked he just said he ‘had his reasons’ But the money was good and we cleaned up the whole exposition so the bonus was pretty good too, we tend not to ask a lot questions in those cases.
“You really need to learn how to say no kid.” I turned to Fluttershy, who had turned a light shade of red and tried to hide beneath her mane.
“It’s alright, I really don’t mind.” The timid pony answered, shifting in its place uncomfortably.
“You ok there?” I asked, noticing the way she was moving her right wing.
“It’s just a broken feather.” She answered flexing shaking her wing gently causing one of her feathers to flop around loosely. “It’ll grow back.”
“I’m so sorry Fluttershy. That tapestry is far too heavy, we will just have to find a smaller one.” Rarity said, looking rather guilty for getting her friend hurt.
“Come on people let’s get moving.” I said in an effort to get these mares on their way, “I've got to find those two numb-skulls before they do something dumb.” Noticing my mistake I quickly corrected myself, again, “Well, dumber actually.”
“Two? Did you come with somepony? And for that matter, why did you come here Janos?” Rarity asked catching up to me with Fluttershy right behind her.
“Rainbow and Applejack dragged me here in another one of their stupid competitions.” I quickly answered. “Look this place must be chock full of those little traps, so stay close to me and don’t leave my sight, the last thing I need is for someone to…” But I never got to finish talking because suddenly I heard the very distinct sound of a pressure plate being stepped in resonated in the castles halls.
The last thing I saw before the floor split open leaving us to fall in the pitch black darkness bellow us was that goddamn rabbit with a foot firmly placed in the trap and an inquisitive expression as he tried to determine what made that sound.
And as I fell in what seemed to be a bottomless pit I decided that if I managed to get back to Ponyville alive that night, I would be having a very tasty rabbit stew for lunch tomorrow.
But that hole wasn't bottomless and it didn't end with big cartoony spikes either. The only thing that greeted me down there was cold hard rock that hit me like a truck with nothing but my shoulder to break my fall.
Unlike me, who managed to hold back screaming while I fell to my apparent doom, the two ponies falling with me went down with the grace of a pig trying to shake off his wrangler in one of those competitions.
“I’m starting to wonder if maybe this castle doesn't want my expertise.” Was the first thing I heard after we hit the ground “Is everypony all right?” Rarity asked.
“I’m fine.” Fluttershy answered, “What about you two?”
“I seem to be mostly ok, Janos darling are you hurt?” Rarity asked after I failed to answer twice.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be ok,” I said, but that statement would be proven false as I tried to get up from the cold floor. Pain immediately filled my shoulder and right arm as I tried and failed to put some weight in it.
“Goodness, darling! What happened?” Both Rarity and Fluttershy asked when I let a very loud scream of pain as my shoulder failed to hold me and immediately came crashing down back to the ground.
Light suddenly filled the room as Rarity horn glowed with a soft blue light, and Fluttershy was right by my side lending me her neck so I could get up. Thanking her I wrapped my good arm around her and managed to get to a sitting position, leaning against the wall behind me.
“How come you two hardly got a scratch with that fall?” I asked when I finally managed to get a good look at both of them. While their coats and manes were certainly frazzled and dirtied, they held no injuries whatsoever despite the fact that we just fell what seemed to be several stories, I’m already pretty lucky that I’m not dead or gravely wound, these two were just saved by a miracle.
“I don’t know, I fell a long way, then something held me still for an instant before I hit the ground.” Rarity answered rubbing her chin in thought, “Maybe there is still some magic here, designed to hold the victims of this trap so that they don’t get hurt too badly.” She guessed, “Why didn't it affect you?”
“Twilight says magic goes a bit nuts around me, we’re lucky it worked for you two,” I answered immediately. I’m honestly getting very sick how magic seems to go out of her way to fuck with me.
By that point, Fluttershy was in the middle of helping me take my hoodie off so she could take a better look at my shoulder, “You sure you know what you’re doing? I’m not exactly a pony you know?” I asked once the hoodie came off revealing a black sleeveless t-shirt.
“He isn't hurt too badly is he?” Asked Rarity over the pegasus’s shoulder. She looked more worried than ever, seeing how it looked like a bone was trying to get out of my shoulder must have affected her a bit worse than I expected, then again Rarity doesn't strike me as someone with a very strong stomach.
“Well, I’m not exactly a veterinarian but I’m always helping my little animal friends at the cottage, and you’re still like a big monkey which I do have some sort of experience with.” I didn't like being compared to a monkey that much and I really don’t feel comfortable realizing that a vet could be better equipped to help me than a doctor in this world, but that honestly didn't feel like the moment to voice those sentiments.
Instead I let Fluttershy get to her work while I found a way out of this mess. The room we were trapped in had no windows, doors or any obvious exit, the ceiling seemed to have closed as we passed through since there was now a stone ceiling instead of a huge hole above us. The only opening I could see was a small hole in the wall right in front of me.
“I think you dislocated your shoulder,” Fluttershy announced, confirming one of my fears, I’ve been here for one week and I already got hurt twice, the burns and cuts I got in that forest hadn’t even fully healed yet and I already had more wounds to add to the list.
“Dislocated?! That isn't serious is it?” Rarity was sounding even more worried now, though if it was for my well-being or hers I couldn't tell.
“Relax, we’ll be fine.” I tried reassuring her, Rainbow and Applejack better make up for this bullshit. “Can you pop it back in place?” I asked her.
“Me? I don’t know, I’m not exactly qualified for this.” She quickly answered.
“Oh Celestia, we’ll die in here.”
“Didn't you say you help your animals all the time?” I asked, “Just pretend I’m one of them and do it.”
“Is this how it ends? In a dirty hole in the ground?”
“O-okay, I’ll do my best.” She took a deep breath and gripped my shoulder with her hooves (How is a question I’ll never be able to answer). “Inst it better to wait until you can see a doctor? It could be something else, or I could end up doing more bad than good.” Fluttershy was clearly grasping at straws here, trying to find an excuse not to do this.
“There is no doctor anywhere nearby and we won’t be able to get there on my shoulder like that.” I quickly explained, getting a tad angrier than I probably should be, “Fluttershy, we have to set the bone back or it’s gonna get worse by the minute.”
She nodded weakly at first, obviously very nervous about this whole situation but I can’t really blame her for that. But she took another deep breath closed her eyes and nodded more confidently, this time, at least she can work under pressure.
“Oh who knew it would be my love for fashion that would be my end? Fate is a cruel mistress indeed…” Something not everyone in this room can claim.
“Rarity, for the love of whatever gods you worship,” I swear to god if this woman doesn't shut up, I can’t be responsible for my actions. “Shut the fuck up, we’re going to get out of here.” This is why you don’t work with civilians, Janos. “Calm down and wait, I’ll get us out of here.” That seemed to at the very least comfort her a bit, she was still very frazzled, but the panicking went away.
“All right Fluttershy just let me know when- GODDAMMIT WOMAN!” I yelled in surprise and pain (But mostly pain) as she popped my shoulder back in its place in one swift motion. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I almost shouted at her.
“I’m sorry! I'm sorry! I was worried you would flinch and end up hurting yourself if you knew when I was going to do it!” She answered, almost tearing up, she was obviously not used to being shouted at like that, instantly causing me to hate myself for the way I reacted.
“Fuck. I’m sorry Fluttershy.” I apologized after a deep breath to calm myself down from the shock, “It’s just been a shitty day and I sort of took it out on you.”
“Its ok, did I hurt you?” She asked, immediately fawning over my shoulder to make sure it was, in fact, ok.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll live.” I took my hoodie and made a makeshift sling immobilize the shoulder, it wasn't ideal, but nothing about this day, or the whole week for that matter, had been ideal anyway, “Let’s get moving.” I said standing up.
“Wait?!” The pegasus suddenly shouted, “Where is Angel?” She frantically began to sweep the whole minuscule room as if hopping there was some bunny shaped hole somewhere where he could be hiding.
“He’s upstairs, he was a bit ahead of us so the trap door missed him,” I answered, omitting the fact the trap door wouldn't even have gotten us if it wasn't for him.
“What?” asked suddenly stopping her desperate search, “We have to find him! An ancient castle is no place for a bunny, he gets hit by falling debris. Oh! Or the floor could give out from under him, he could be trapped in a dark place with no way out!” Her freak out finally ended, leaving me and Rarity staring at each other not believing she didn't see the irony in her statement.
“I can’t even imagine what that would feel like.” Rarity finally said with sarcasm dripping from her voice, yeah lady, take comfort in the little things.
Like berating your friends.
Shrugging it off (Metaphorically of course.) I made my way to the small hole in the wall, seemed like It was big enough for me to get my arm through it, “Well, might as well get it over with. “ I muttered to myself as I began to carefully pass my hand through.
“You sure that’s wise darling?” Rarity asked, concerned that I could get even more hurt than before.
And I admit that’s a very wise concern that I appreciate and encourage her to keep worrying like that, but this is the moment where I earn my paycheck.
The hole wasn't that long, I quickly got to the other side of it and began feeling around for anything that could provide me with a way out this trap, and instead what I found was much unexpected. After a couple of seconds of moving around my hand grabbed something warm and soft, feeling around a bit I was certain I was feeling a coat and what I thought could be a mane, but before I could make sure, a muffled scream reached my ears and the creature I was touching bolted in what I could only assume was terror.
And the muffled and quiet sound of galloping gave an idea of just who was it behind that wall. “There’s someone on the other side of this wall,” I said, not wanting to jump to conclusions.
However I could not predict that Fluttershy was the kind to forego any sort of logic or reasonable thinking when she thinks her animals, or Angel, in particular, is in danger as she gleefully shouted “Angel!” and pushed me aside, suddenly oblivious of my still wounded shoulder, and shoved her own hoof through the hole.
Before I could berate her for acting like a goddamn idiot, however, the whole wall spun around several times tossing us to the other side, causing to land once again on my wound shoulder, and both ponies to land perfectly safe sitting down in confusion besides me.
“Oh.” Was all Fluttershy said after we all had enough time to realize what had happened?
And this time, I didn't contain myself.
“Fluttershy.” I said, slowly getting up and ignoring Rarity’s offer of help as she lowered her neck in the same way Fluttershy did before. “I’ll say this once and only once, understood.” I was now standing up, looking down at her as she realized the consequences of her actions, “When we are in a situation where your, or the well-being of any one of your friends is in danger, you will do as I say.” I stated, “You will walk, when I say walk, you will run when I say run.” I lowered myself so I was now eye to eye with the very scared pony and, despite Rarity’s requests for me to calm down, I continued, “And you will stay when I say stay. Because if you ever do anything to ruin this for me, I will tie you down like a bull in a rodeo and drag you around like sack of potatoes all the way to Celestia herself. Because trust me when I say I won’t let anyone get in my way, especially the six of you.” I then gave her a moment to let all that I said sink in before ending with “Am I understood?”
She didn't answer for a while, instead, she tried desperately to hide underneath her own mane, trying her best to avoid my gaze.
“Well?” I asked, getting impatient.
But she never answered, Rarity quickly shoved us apart with her magic and stood protectively between me and the terrified pegasus. “Janos, it is clear she didn't mean to hurt you in any way, this was just an unfortunate mistake that she won’t make again.” Rarity spoke with an authority I never heard her use before, “Now apologize right this instant, this is no way to talk to a friend or anyone for that matter.” She demanded, clearly furious with the way I treated her friend.
For a while we just stood there, staring at each other’s eyes. I had to give it to her, despite what I was seeing of these ponies in general Rarity was holding her ground perfectly, she didn't flinch when I locked eyes with her nor did she falter when we stayed like this for long seconds. It was even very intimidating, in a way I still hadn't seen these ponies be.
“It’s getting late, let’s find the others and find a safe spot to spend the night.” I finally broke eye contact and turned to follow the direction where the hoof steps I had heard were going.
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The rest of the way was spent in silence, the especially awkward kind, after Fluttershy and Rarity caught up to me, the pegasus did apologize in the usual quiet tone of voice she usually falls back into. I didn't acknowledge her.
It was taking me that long to calm myself, it is a known fact back home that people should give me plenty of space when I get really angry, and I know very well how easily I lose control when I get that pissed. Honestly, I know this is a huge character flaw of mine, and I don’t have Carol to keep me grounded anymore, as if that’s really what I need from her.
If she were here a wounded and rapidly swollen shoulder would be the least of my problems after the way I treated Fluttershy, Carol would eat me alive if she had seen me lose my temper like that.
Goddamnit. How I miss my little sister.
I’ll have to apologize to Fluttershy, but later, right now I need to find Rainbow Dash and Applejack, once we’re all together and have found a place in this damned castle that isn't trying to kill us, then I’ll make it up to her.
It was then we reached a literal fork in the road, in a vain effort to find out where they had gone I lowered myself to the ground and placed my ear on the ground, but I obviously heard nothing.
“Where do you think they went?” Rarity asked as they stopped behind me.
“No clue, I had only heard them coming in this general direction.” I answered, “Do you two hear anything? Those big ears of yours must be better than mine.”
Fluttershy didn't answer, instead keeping her gaze fixed on the ground as she had the whole way here, but the little twitch in her ears told me she heard me. Rarity nodded in understanding and also stopped to listen for anything that could give us a clue.
But it seemed we were out of luck.
“I can’t hear anything.” Rarity finally announced, grunting in annoyance.
“Me neither.” Said Fluttershy, so quietly I’m surprised I manage to catch it.
“Then left it is,” I announced to the group and proceeding ahead. “Stay close to me.”
“Why left?” Rarity asked, “For somepony that doesn't know where they went that was a very confident decision.” She finished, sticking close to me as did Fluttershy after a moment of hesitation.
“A very wise old man once taught me that when in doubt you should always follow your nose.” I answered, “The right path smelled a bit bad to me.”
“That doesn't seem like a particularly wise thing to say to me.” Rarity answered raising an eyebrow in doubt.
“I’ll let this one slide because you don’t know who I am talking about.” I told her, “But you ever let me catch you say Gandalf wasn't one the most awesome dudes ever, I’m afraid I’ll have to slap you across your pretty little white cheeks.” I jokingly threatened her with a warm smile. “And you know what cheeks I’m talking about” She immediately blushed a bright shade of red, before letting out a very ladylike ‘humpf’ and putting in some extra distance between me and her.
After a very long set of stairs and another hallway we ended up in the throne room, once again it was practically wiped clean, the only reason no one took the thrones must have been because they were made of the same stone of the wall that they were connected to. The ceiling had a huge hole, like if someone blasted it open with an explosion, and the debris around told me that that must be what actually happened.
But that’s not what Rarity was concerned with, naturally, the first things she noticed where the worn out and ragged tapestries hung above the thrones, with a rather weird and scary laugh she bolted for them ignoring my attempts to keep her close.
“What have we just established?!” I angrily asked as me and Fluttershy reached her, “Stay close to me goddamnit, who knows what kind of traps that thing is covered in?”
“I agree with Janos, Rarity, maybe we should just let it be.” Fluttershy agreed, the probable immediate danger her friend was putting herself in by climbing on the throne and trying to get a good look at what was holding the blue tapestry on the wall.
“Nonsense, it will just be a moment darlings.” She said, firing up her magic and beginning to yank on the tapestry to make it come down from the wall. I quickly reached over with my good arm and turned her so that she was facing me.
“We are not doing this right now.” I said, “When we are done with this bullshit, I’ll come back take these things downs and bring them to you if it’s that important to you, but right now we will find Rainbow and Applejack find a safe place to sleep and go back to Ponyville in the morning, am I clear?” And then I will demand my share of the profit for doing the most dangerous part of the work, but I’m sure she can live with a forty percent share.
Who am I kidding? She’ll be lucky to get thirty.
“But Janos, it will take far too long for your shoulder to heal.” She whined, “I have to seize this moment of inspiration now, as my creativity is at full strength, waiting that long would risk losing this precious opportunity.” For the love of god.
“I’m sorry but my job is to make sure you get through this night alive, not give in to the inner pretentious artist that’s trying to get you dropped in a big hole like last time,” I answered, refusing to give in to her whining, I’m sick and tired of this place and I won’t let it get the drop on me again.
With some effort, I manage to get her off the throne and back on our way.
“Now let’s go find those two very stupid ponies that got me in this hellish place in the first place.” I was practically pushing her with my working shoulder while she stubbornly tried to keep me from getting out of the throne room.
“Yes and we have to find Angel bunny,” Fluttershy added, helping me by pushing my waist with her neck.
Finally, she conceded. “Fine. But you have to promise me that you’ll get them to me as soon as possible Janos.” She turned to face me as she made her demands.
“I promise Rarity, now can we please go?” But that clearly wasn't enough for her, since she frowned and scrunched her face up in annoyance. It was surprisingly cute.
“That’s not enough, you have to Pinkie Promise.” She demanded.
“What?” I asked, “You people don’t even have fingers” What is she going on about now?
“What do fingers have to do with it?” She asked, clearly as confused as me, but she quickly shook it off. “You must do it, Pinkie Promises are sacred.” She answered, “Repeat after me: Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” She recited the blasted thing almost religiously all the while following up with the motions that involved drawing a cross over their chests and poking their eyes with a hoof.
I could only stand there staring in disbelief, but the look on Rarity’s face told me she would not give in before I accepted her terms so with a long sigh I rubbed my temples, or one of my temples, since one of my arms was currently locked in place and attempting to do anything with it.
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” I recited the promise and did the motions and almost instantly Rarity smiled in triumphant joy and began making her way out of the throne room, “Just remember darling. No one breaks a Pinkie Promise.” She stated suddenly, with a grim expression and a funeral tone of seriousness in her voice, before suddenly reverting back to her gleeful self and walking away.
And my decision to get Rarity the hell off that throne proved to be a very wise one as the sound of an organ echoed through the castle and in the second note, the throne spun around several times just like the walls had done to us several times.
“Girls?” I called to call their attention, they didn't answer for they were too busy staring with disbelief at the throne trying to figure out what just happened, “Do Rainbow or Applejack know how to play the organ?” I asked already knowing the answer, and as I thought both of the mares shook their heads in denial.
“Then who is playing this thing?” I asked, once again knowing that the answer was probably not going to make me happy.
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It didn't take long for us to start moving again, despite our weariness after stumbling through this place the whole night, we found we had much more energy stored away in our bodies it just needed the right motivations to show up.
And the creepy organ gave plenty of that.
Now, I’m not one to believe in ghost stories, in fact, I’m usually a rather skeptic guy, we had plenty of jobs where our clients hired us to steal supposedly supernatural or magic objects but it usually turned to just be really old stuff that people believed for some weird reason had magical powers.
However considering that in the past week I have been living with magical talking and colorful ponies after arriving in their world by falling out of an inter-dimensional portal. So I’m not really in a position to say that something does or does not exist with a lot of conviction.
For all, I know this Pony of Shadows is a totally legit thing and we are about to die horribly in his claws, well, metaphorical claws anyway.
So it was with much caution that we made our way through this hall, which suddenly looked much more frightening than usual. Because of my training, I could focus on the task at hand and don’t freak out, the two ponies following me, however? Oh, they were freaking the fuck out, ragged breath, dilated pupils, and ears standing fully at attention, they were terrified. Those two would jump at any motion or noise, to the point that they were making me uneasy by how frequently they were reacting to the slightest of things around us.
Soon we made it back to the entrance, and they immediately picked up the pace probably trying to get out of here as fast as possible leaving me behind holding my knife with my left hand.
“Stick close to me you two,” I whispered trying to be as commanding as I could while also being as quiet as I could, they just turned around to face me, I wasn't even sure if they heard but the fact that they kept moving despite the fact that they were now not even looking at where they were going.
Which, as I noticed seconds before they turned, was perfect.
Because that was the moment I saw Rainbow Dash flying down from a hole in the ceiling and that Applejack emerged from another hallway across from where I and the other girls came. And all of them was doing the same thing, slowly making their way to the center of the big lobby with their backs turned to the direction in which they were walking, with their attention focused solely on the path behind them.
And for a moment I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I had to force my expression to remain neutral so that Rarity and Fluttershy wouldn't notice anything, and while I’m usually very capable of keeping my emotions from showing on my face, right then and there that proved to be a gargantuan task.
That was the one and only chance I had to redeem this day, and fortunately, it did not disappoint. Against all odds all four of them reached the center at the same moment, and as soon as they bumped each other with their rears, all chaos broke loose.
There was screaming, running, wailing, pleading for their lives and for some odd reason Fluttershy ended up weeping uncontrollably while she tried to lift a column that Rainbow accidentally knocked out while she was flying aimlessly and naturally hitting everything in her way like a rainbow colored pinball.
Rarity ended up running around covered in one of the tapestries that were hanging on the walls, and once again it was Rainbow’s terror induced flying style that knocked the thing off its place, and she soon accepted her fate and decided to simply sit and, just like Fluttershy, weep uncontrollably.
The end result was priceless, and I was laughing joyfully ever since they first started screaming. The fact that despite the fact I was standing right there in plain view of them laughing my ass off only made it all the more surreal that they failed to see me entirely.
Unfortunately my fun would be cut short by a voice that came from the balcony above, “All right everypony. STOP!” She announced, and a pulse of purple magic burst from the balcony covering everyone in a purple hue and paralyzing them, the silence that would befall them would certainly be very awkward as they realized what they were freaking out about. However that silence never came, the only thing was my roaring laughter as I did my best to make sure my shoulder didn't hit anything during my laughing fit.
“Twilight?” Applejack asked, very surprised to see Twilight and Spike up on the balcony.
“Must. Save. Angel.” Fluttershy was the only one that seemed to notice the whole paralysis thing, but she soon got a hold of the situation when she ended up seeing the bunny she was so worried about standing right next to Twilight. “Oh.” She immediately blushed and she would probably proceed to follow the usual protocol of hiding beneath her mane but the paralysis thing didn't really help her there.
“Fluttershy?” This time, it was Rainbow’s turn to suddenly become aware of her surroundings, “What are you doing here?”
“She’s with me!” Answered Rarity from beneath the tapestry.
“Oh man.” I finally managed to catch a breath, “That was priceless.” I added, still laughing a bit every time I stopped to think about it.
Meanwhile, Twilight was removing the spell she cast on her friends and walking down the stairs to meet us earning a ‘thank you’ from Rarity as she removed the big piece of cloth covering her. “Have you all spent the whole night running around scaring one another?” She asked, very interested in figuring out just what the hell that whole act was about. “And what happened to your arm?!” She finally took a good look at me and noticed the makeshift sling holding my arm in its proper place.
“We fell down a big hole.” I simply answered, getting her even more confused than before.
“And about the whole scaring each other thing? Well, that depends actually.” Applejack took on the task of answering her first question for me
“On what?” Twilight quickly asked. I can almost see the gears turning on her pretty little head, and every time it looks like they’re gonna settle on an answer one of us says something that makes the whole process reset.
It’s actually very amusing.
“On whether or not you’re the Pony of Shadows.” And there we go, Rainbow’s answer was all she needed to determine the problem, these ponies are all idiots. I've suspected from the beginning.
“What’s the pony of shadows?” Spike was already shaking from just the mention of our hopefully friendly and misunderstood shadowy friend, I’m still hoping he’s just a prankster we can simply forgive and be on our way. I’m really not keen on fighting a creature of shadows with this shoulder, actually,I’m not keen on having anything to do with a creature of shadows.
“Oh, it’s just an old pony’s tale,” Twilight answered, quickly dismissing whatever dumb superstition her friends were being stricken with.
But it seemed that just like always in this messed up place, the universe took issue with that statement. As soon as the words came out of the purple pony’s mouth the pipe organ resumed playing instantly causing every single pony present to huddle around Twilight like ducklings to their mother.
“Wow.” I deadpanned, “You people are definitely the bravest national heroes I've ever met.” I finished in fake admiration.
“I-I’m not scared!” Rainbow all but yelled for everyone to hear, quickly letting go of Twilight, “I’m totally ok with it, we can take down any-“Pause for mandatory dry swallowing in fear, “Shadow pony.” Needless to say, she wasn't as sure of herself on that last part as she was when she began speaking.
“Ye-yeah, me neither.” Applejack stepped up in the same fake bravado.
“Just drop the act, you both lost the contest,” I said.
“What!? How?! Why?!” Rainbow quickly shot through the air towards me stopping just inches from my face. “You disappeared on the first five minutes how the hay do you know whether or not we were brave?”
“Because that’s how long it took for both of you to start running and screaming like two scared little fillies,” I answered without flinching.
“Can we focus on what’s important here?” Twilight quickly intervened before Rainbow could speak, but that didn't stop her from mumbling what I’m lead to believe were very unkind things about me. “Like finding out who is playing that organ?”
“Hang on a second there Missy.” Quickly grabbing her tail I managed to stop her from taking the other sacredly little lambs right to the butcher, “You’re not coming with me.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because it could be dangerous,” I answered.
“Ha! How does it feel to be on that end of the conversation?” Spike asked her, looking rather smug about it with his arms crossed.
But Twilight didn't really acknowledge that. Sometimes I feel bad for the little guy.
“Don’t tell me you buy this whole Pony of Shadows nonsense?” She tried waving her arms around in an effort to mock the whole idea of a Pony of Shadows but the proximity of her other friends held her in place, “Will you girls get off me?” She asked, getting very annoyed at this whole situation, and while Fluttershy and Rarity were very uneasy about letting, they eventually did.
“I’m not dismissing anything, for all I know it could very well be one of those.” Ok, so let’s go over the plan. There is no plan, I can’t shoot with my arm busted and I’m pretty sure that my knife won’t do that much damage against some magical whatever. But, it could be just another pony of someone else. But my line of thought was interrupted by a very pretentious laugh of the purple princess besides me.
“I’ll let you off, this time, Janos because you’re not from around here.” She began, “But that sort of thing just isn't real, it’s like ghosts or curses it’s all just superstition and misinformation.” She finished explaining looking very proud of herself.
“So let me get this straight.” I began my own argument, “Magic is totally a thing that happens but ghosts is where you draw the line?”
“Hey, magic is different! Magic is when-“ Twilight was probably going to turn this into another one of her lectures, but I knew better than to let her finish.
“Ok ok, it has rules or whatever, but let me rephrase my question.” I cleaned my throats momentarily and continued, “Extra-dimensional beings falling from the sky are very real, but ghosts are where you draw the line?”
That seemed to give her some pause, as she slowly glanced down considering the new information Applejack agreed with me, “He does have a point sugar cube.”
“Yeah but-“Twilight shot her face up again before stopping mid-sentence, “Ugh! Fine!” Women never want to admit when they’re wrong, something’s just never change, no matter what dimension or planet you’re in. “But you still can’t go alone, you’re in no shape to deal with anyone let alone a Pony of Shadows!” She said that last two words almost like it physically hurt her to get it out of her throat.
“Puh-lease Twilight, I can deal with whatever this place throws at me with a hand tied behind my back.” I answered, “Or an arm tied to my front, whatever.” Quickly corrected after I remembered the improvisational sling.
But despite my attempt to joke it off she remained adamant, “You’re not going alone! That’s an order from your Princess.” She declared, proud of herself for coming up with that.
“Cute.” Was the only response I dignified that feeble attempt to try to get me to do what she wants, “Here, take this and find a safe spot to wait for me, where were you and Spike hiding?” I handed her my rifle since it would just end up getting in my way. Wait a second, I just remembered something. “And when this is all over we will have a long talk about what a stupid decision coming here alone is and how I must always be present for anything even remotely as dangerous as this.”
“See, I told you we should have waited for him.” Spike lectured Twilight, good to know there at least someone here with their heads on their shoulders, even if he is an infant.
“We’re getting off topic here.” Twilight quickly changed subjects to something that isn't focused on her piss poor decision-making skills, “How are you supposed to deal with whatever it is you’re going to deal with without your weapon?”
“The rifle is useless if I only got one hand to hold it, besides who said I’m going to fight the guy? Or creature? Whatever.” This much should be obvious Twilight, you saw me using it before. “I’m just going to sneak up there and see what it is that’s doing this then I’ll decide what to do next.”
“So your plan is to make it up as you go?” Rainbow stepped in, to which I responded immediately.
“What do you think I've been doing since I dropped in here?”
“Look I agree with Twilight, you shouldn't go there by yourself, especially in your condition.” Applejack also decided to chime in, “We weren't helpless before we met you, and we sure as hay ain't helpless now.”
“AJ is right darling, we’re a team and we do this as a team.” And just like that everyone decided to butt in, with Rarity being the most recent.
“If Rarity’s going, then I’m going!” The baby dragon proudly proclaimed puffing his chest out, it wasn't the least bit as impressive as he thought it was but, hey at least he got a chuckle and a thank you from her.
“Umm yes, I think we should all go.” Fluttershy agreed, venturing a look at me from beneath her mane, but she instantly hid away again once our eyes met. “If that’s ok with you of course.” Yeah, I may be a little pissed.
“Look.” I can’t believe I have to explain this, “It’s not about whether or not you can handle yourselves, but if I have to sneak around then it will be a hell of a lot easier if I don’t have six mares and a baby dragon to worry about.”
They seem to understand that, well, most of them.
“Fine, then just one pony.” Rainbow said, stepping up as if taking on this challenge herself, “I can fly so even if something happens I can totally get both of us out of there before you can even say how awesome I am.”
“Well, Janos certainly makes a good point.” Rarity pondered, “But I would be more comfortable with somepony went with him.”
“Yes, and Rainbow’s right, one pony would be easier to take and she is the only one that could flee and take Janos with her.” Twilight agreed.
“Sure, I guess.” Applejack also agreed with the plan, even if she looked a bit reluctant about it. "Still don't really like this."
Once again the pipe organ sounded in the castle, at least I know he’s still in the same place, “You know what? Fine, you can come.” I relented, at least it’s just one, “But under one condition.”
“Name it.” She certainly looks eager about it, I’m just not sure if that’s good or bad.
“This can’t go down like back in Canterlot, if I tell you to run Rainbow, you run. Even if that means leaving me behind” I emphasized the last sentence by poking her puffed out chest once, “Got it?” Hopefully, she’ll listen this time.
“Got it.” She saluted (How the hell do their hooves reach all the way up there like that?) and started to march following the sound of the organ that seemed to be playing more constantly now.
“The rest of you hide.” I turned to the rest of the group that was now wishing us good luck, “Anyone knows a place?”
“Yeah, the hidden chamber in the library seemed secluded enough.” Twilight answered me.
“Good, go there and hide, we’ll find you when we are done.” And with that we each went our ways. Rainbow and I towards whatever it is was waiting for us and Twilight led the others to safety.
I just hope Twilight’s right about all this.
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“This so cool.” Rainbow must have said that at least three times since we separated from the rest of the group. ‘This is like one of your old jobs right? Sneaking around an old castle hunting the target…”
“I’m a thief Dash, not Van Helsing.” I said, putting a stop to her wild stories, “And the whole point of stealth is not to be noticed. So shut up.”
That seemed to get her to stay quiet, but I knew it was just a temporary measure, soon she will be bored of taking careful and slow steps and staying with her mouth shut.
“So.” What did I say? “Don’t you think this is taking, you know, forever?” She suddenly forgets my previous order and takes flight so she can stay right above me, arching her neck so she is looking at my head that is currently right beneath her dangling legs. “C’mon, I sure it won’t hear us if we pick up the pace a little.”
“What did we agree upon when I let you come?”
“Oh please, I would have come anyway.” She dismissed me with a wave of her hoof, “You know me.”
Yes, I know you’re impossible. “Dash if you’re gonna help me with this I got to trust you to follow my lead, if you can’t even be patient then I won’t let you come with me anymore. And trust me when I say you haven’t seen me pissed yet so don’t even try to pester me like you did back there.”
She obviously didn't like that, I could see from the way her face told me how boring she thought I was, but luckily she listened, for what seems like the first time ever since we met. She landed again and began to follow my instructions to be quiet and walk at my pace.
Though I do get her, this kind of thing gets boring and frustrating really fast and it doesn't help that we've been at this since the start, but the organ sounded close so I would rather not risk whoever is there knowing we’re coming.
From what I could hear the so-called Pony of Shadows was in the room just ahead, the organ was playing nonstop now so it was pretty easy to follow it all the way here.
“All right, here’s what we’re going to do.” I said once we were close to the archway, “Stay behind me and follow my lead got it?” Rainbow nodded in understanding but I wasn't really convinced.
“I got it all right. Follow your lead.” She finally said after I stared at her for a couple of seconds. Seems the message got through.
Slowly I inched my way towards the archway and ventured a peak into the room inside.
It did not look good, looked like it was some sort of dance room I think. The organ was front and center as if it was the whole point of the room, which could actually be true. The worst part was the fact that there was absolutely no cover between us and the organ, the good part was that with the organ making so much noise, it would make it harder to hear us approaching. And the guy seemed totally absorbed in the music
But one thing is for certain, that is definitely a hood and that is definitely no some darkness incarnated.
“This doesn't look good.” I whispered to the now very excited pony besides me, what happened to the whole Pony of Shadows thing is really scary from earlier? But then I got a good look at her, she wasn't shuffling about because he was impatient, she was scared. Really scared by the look on her face.
“Hey.” I said in an attempt to get her to stop mulling over whatever it is she was, “If you wanna-“ But then I stopped myself, it wouldn't be right to just send her off now would it? I mean it would probably be the smart thing to do, since it gets her out of danger's way, but this kid was scared from the start and she still volunteered, she tried to overcome her fear to help. So even if she was running at shadows and thunder, when the going got tough and someone had to step up to keep her friends safe, she did. I can respect that, and it wouldn't be fair to me to undermine that all by treating her like she couldn't handle it.
This time it was Rainbow pulling me out of my musings, “Want to what?” She asked me once I took too long to go on.
“Fly over the archway slowly so he doesn't see you crossing it, when you’re on the other side we’re gonna move in and try to get him by surprise, if we’re flanking him we have a better chance of pulling it off.”
She mock-saluted once again and began to follow my instructions before I grabbed her tail and she shot her head back at me, “And hey, you got this. Just relax and follow my lead.” I reassured her.
Rainbow answered with a smile that told me she got it and I let go, she swiftly and silently made her way to the other side of the archway, landing with a bit of a flourish.
Ok, I’m not as sure of this as I was a moment ago, but then again, if Carol was here she would remind me I used to be just like that. Well, those were simpler times. Times when we thought we were invincible, life has a way of proving you wrong about that kind of stuff. Icarus and flying close to the sun all that crap.
But I’m rambling, I gave motioned for her to follow me and entered the room, the sound of the organ seemed like it was even louder than before, but that might be the adrenaline building up. I pulled my knife and got ready for this whole thing to go to hell. That’s how you stay on top of these things, always expect the worst, it might have made me a pessimist sometimes but at least I’m usually pleasantly surprised.
We were halfway there now, and suddenly I was very aware of the fact that my main arm was out of commission and would only be a liability if a fight broke out, but Rainbow would pull us out if anything got too bad for us to handle.
I pause to look back, but Rainbow seemed like she was ready for anything. She had a low pose like a big cat ready to pounce and her wings were spread out so she could take off as soon as needed, the fierce look of her face didn't fool me. She was scared, but so is everyone when the time comes.
Soon I was within distance to have a go at him, I gave Dash another glance and she nodded in understanding but got caught by surprise when she saw my left hand raised with the knife in my grasp, she was obviously a bit shaken up by the implications but luckily she knows it’s just in case the worst happens. The last thing I want is more blood on my hands.
And just like that I shot forward, letting the training take over I grabbed the figure by the collar of his robe, or at least what passed by it, and pulled him to me dropping him with his back to floor, quickly I got over him and straddled him to prevent him from trying to squirm away, I was just about to press my knife to his neck when something gave me pause.
When his hood got pulled over it revealed a very familiar pink and puffy mane and when I got on top of the guy it became clear why it was so familiar.
Because it wasn't a guy, and it definitely wasn't some Pony of Shadows. It was…
“Pinkie Pie?!” Thank you, Rainbow.
Her goofy laughter quickly filled the room as efficiently as the organ she was playing, “Hey guys! Did you know I could totally play the organ? Because I didn't!”
I would facepalm but the knife in my hand made that very dangerous, so I settled for breathing a sigh of relief that I didn't need to fight some dude while using only my left hand and proceeding to put the knife away.
“You’re the Pony of Shadows? “Rainbow quickly flew up to us so that her head was just over my shoulder.
“The Pony of what?” Pinkie asked without really giving a damn about the question. “So Jay-Jay are we gonna be like this the whole night or are you planning on getting off me anytime soon?” She suddenly asked me, with a tone of voice that I would rather not go into details right now.
I don’t have to say just how quickly I stood up at that. Dammit, phrasing Janos. Phrasing.
Anyway, I got off her, could swear she muttered ‘shame’ to herself but it’s my personal choice to believe none of that ever happened so if you ask me about I’ll just deny it.
“So what exactly where you doing here?” I asked once I recovered from the shock of finding a pink pony here. Right, when I was giving her credit for being the only one smart enough to stay away from this place when I’m not around.
“Yeah, didn't you have to ring the school bell or something?” Rainbow asked, proving herself better than me at remembering what other people’s schedules are.
“Oh yeah.” She agreed, “But I only got to ring it for like five minutes then they said it was good enough. Huh, can’t imagine why…” Oh yeah, what could possibly have it been, I’m sure the fact she was ringing a huge bell for five minutes straight couldn't possibly be related to it.
And don’t try to tell me she didn't mean five minutes at once. We all know better.
“But then I decided to throw a finish ringing the school bell party, but I didn't have any blue bells and you can’t throw a finish ringing the school bell party without-“She could probably have gone on longer than that but quite frankly? I’m exhausted and hurt and fuck this.
I grabbed her snout which seemed to be the most efficient way to shut her up without hurling baked goods at her face. “Stop. It’s a stupid reason I get it, and I really don’t care about the whole story” I then immediately turned around and began what was probably going to be a long and chatty walk to the library of the castle.
She didn't seem offended, but I honestly think the list of things that manage to offend that pony are limited to party related faux passes and bakery stuff like when I told her I didn't really like sweets that much. Big mistake.
“C’mon lets find the others.” I said when inquired by Rainbow Dash over just what the hay was I doing, and they began to follow closely after me so I ended up knowing the whole reason why she came here. “I really need a strong drink."
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We found the library pretty quickly, and following Twilight’s instructions to bang on the table with the Jewish looking candle holder thrice (I really can’t remember what she called it and we know Rainbow was surely not listening at that point.)
So we found ourselves each doing our stuff while Twilight finished reading the journal she found. Fluttershy was catching up with Angel because god knows she was terrified for that bunny so I happy that’s not a problem I have to deal with anymore.
Rainbow is retelling our little ‘Siege of the Cursed Dance Room’ to Applejack, and I don’t think I have to say how embellished that story is. But Applejack is obviously not having none of that so at least I don’t have to intervene.
Rarity finally had a tapestry to restore though she still didn't let off the hook with my promise, so I guess I’ll be coming back once my shoulder has healed.
And me? I’m just sitting there for now, exhausted and glad this whole thing is over. I already lectured them and they said they won’t do it again but I’m sure I'll have some other equally frustrating bullshit to deal with soon enough.
“So darling.” Rarity called for my attention from right next to me, we happened to be sharing one of those cushion they use for chairs around here, and she was working on the tapestry while leaning against my arm, my good one of course, I let it slide since it’s been a long day for all of us. “I believe we haven’t had much chance to talk lately. Or ever for that matter.” She continued after I grunted in acknowledgement.
“No we haven’t.” I answered, earning a rather nasty look from Twilight, ‘Play nice’ it seemed to tell me. “What would you like to talk about?” I asked, keeping the conversation going.
“Well, first of all I would like to thank for taking such good care of us.” She stopped working and turned to look at me, “I really appreciate your commitment.”
“Hey, I’m getting paid a lot of money,” I answered her, still not meeting her eyes.
“Well, regardless of your reasons, I can definitely say that I feel much safer under your watch after today.” Rarity turned her focus back to the piece of cloth before her, “It is certainly nice to know I have such a gentlecolt to protect me.”
“Don’t mention it.” Now it’s Spike giving me the stink eye. God kid, you couldn't be more obvious if you wore a neon sign around your neck with the words ‘I want to tap that.’ In bright bold letters and an arrow pointing at her.
“So with that out of the way.” She spoke quickly, “How have you been adapting to Ponyville?”
“It’s a bit tough I guess.”
“How so.” She asked, some concern notable in her voice.
“First of all I’m very used to the big cities, so Ponyville is quite different from back home.” I began, “But the biggest part is all the attention. Back in New York people on the street don’t give a crap who you are, sometimes they seem so jaded that you start to believe they wouldn't notice the giant dude holding back the subway line is actually an nine foot tall alien until he starts shooting everyone and demanding to be taken to their leader.”
“Really?” She was taken a little by surprise with my comment but still managed to sound composed, “Go on.”
“But here it’s like everyone is so very aware of me, I step out of the house and suddenly all eyes are on me, like they have this kind of Janos radar that beeps every time I’m within eye sight. The other day I was helping Twilight and Spike with the grocery, I think it was the day after we arrived, and I bumped into this mare who instantly yelled ‘The horror! The horror!’ and fainted on the spot.”
“Oh that’s just Rose or one of her friends-“But I stopped her before she could go on.
“Yeah, I know, Twilight told me about it and even gave her bit of a scolding.” To which Twilight took as her cue to intervene.
“I told you Janos, ponies of Ponyville are pretty set on her ways and tend to be scared of anything that looks too different to them.” She gave me the summarized version of the talk we had that day. “I told you about Zecora.”
“Yeah, yeah I know. Just not used to this whole thing.”
“Don’t worry darling, just give them some time and they’ll soon see you as just another neighbor.” Yeah, I’m afraid of that.
“I’ll deal with it. I always do.” I can tell even she wasn't sure whether that was supposed to reassure me or her.
“And you won’t have to it alone you know?” Twilight butted in once again, and I knew I had to stop her before she went on in one little speeches about how friendship is fun and the answer to all that ails you.
“Yes Twilight, friendship will heal all that ails me.” I retorted with a bit more venom in my sarcasm than I’d intended, “It’s like freaking panacea. Just shove it down your throat and it never fails”
The awkward silence was immediate, why the hell do I keep losing my cool like that? You’re a professional Janos freaking act like one. Even Rarity is now keeping her distance instead of relaxing by leaning on you. “I’m sorry for snapping like that. Hasn't been a good day.”
“Yeah, I know.” She answered, still a bit stunned, I don’t think I ever talked to her like that. “Its ok, I know you didn't mean it.” She quickly added.
I’m just doing great today aren't I? First Fluttershy twice, now Twilight what’s next? Going to yell at Applejack’s grandma? Or maybe you could just let it all loose and punch the next pony that looks at you wrong?
Get a hold of yourself Janos.
“I need some air.” Without waiting for an answer I got up and left the room, returning to the empty library. Choosing a direction at random I start walking to the right until I came across another balcony that overlooks the forest outside, sort of like the one on Twilight’s Library, small, cozy the only difference being that this one had a better view and was made of stone.
I’m doing a lot of this recently aren't I? Done it in the train on the way here and I’m pretty sure it’s become a habit of mine ever since I began my stay at Twilight’s. Just looking at the horizon as if a way out of this mess will, by miracle, show up before me.
I’m finally starting to lose it. I've been fighting back ever since I got here, trying not to think about it and it was easy when I had other stuff to worry about it, at the forest and at Canterlot with Celestia and Luna, but now? Now there is only the grim reality that I’m as alone here as I've been all my life.
Even more so, I don’t even have her with me, or Garrett. Fuck, I would even be happy if that lazy bastard I call a partner Barry was here and that says a lot.
Who am I kidding? I would be ecstatic to find anything that didn't walk on all fours in this place.
What am I going to do? I’m not finding a way back, I know I was set at not believing what Celestia told me, that someone, anyone, would be able to find a way back but c’mon Janos, you know there’s no way back.
This is it for you. Vanishing into thin air just like Garrett did. Without a fucking trace.
“Umm, is it okay if I come in?” A soft voice suddenly pulled me away from the whirlwind of thoughts that was going on in my head. “Or come out I guess?” Fluttershy of all ponies was standing at the archway very unsure of herself. This kid obviously came here on impulse alone, she has the look of someone who got really worked up to do something but then realized she has no idea where to go from there.
“Sure.” So, gonna be a piece of shit to her again? Twice wasn't enough? At least man up and apologize.
She just quietly thanked me and slowly walked up to my side where she just stood there looking over the horizon silently.
And suddenly I’m reminded of the train ride back where Twilight’s little pep talk started out in the same exact way.
We seemed to stay like that for hours, just standing next to each other, listening to each other breathe and stare into nothing, almost as if we were both trying to figure out what to say to the other but knew that it wouldn't really matter unless the words were just right.
“You know I decided I was going to try to come here and cheer you up.” Fluttershy finally broke the ice, “But I got here and realized that I wouldn't be able to.”
“Well at least you’re being honest about it.” God, I just can’t stop myself today.
But she seemed to take it the right away at least, she let out a small and very cute chuckle that I could hardly hear, but since it was so silent out here already then it somehow managed to reach my ears.
“At least not with words. You see, the thing is.” She started again, looking a bit surer of herself now. “I don’t think anything I or the other girls say can actually help you right now. Because no matter how much we try or wish, we can’t really understand what you’re going through, so everything we say will just seem small and meaningless for you, not because you don’t care but because how could we know what will help you if we have no idea what it feels like to be in your situation?” Fluttershy then took a deep breath and turned face me, “So I’m not going to tell you that you’re not alone, and I’m not going to say that everything will be fine with some time. I’ll just have to show you.” She reared up and balancing on her hind legs placed her front legs on my shoulders, the left one actually, and pushed me into a hug.
I really wasn't expecting that, so much that I just gave in without much effort, not even knowing what to do with my free hand for a second. But I soon wrapped my hand around her back being careful not to hurt her wings. And perhaps against what I would normally do I pulled her closer, I buried my face in her mane and I don’t know what did it, maybe it was the way she came here and treated me with such kindness even after the way I yelled and threatened her earlier, maybe it was the fact that this kid who didn't even know me that well simply knew what I needed the most right, or maybe it was the fact that I didn't get a hug like this in such a long time that I actually just forgot the tough guy act and just let the hug last.
"Sorry about what I said back there." I managed to say into her hair.
"It's ok, I know you're sorry about it." She reassured me, and I knew there wasn't a lot more that I needed to say, and after a couple of long seconds we broke the hug, she gave me small but warm smile and we went back to watching the horizon.
We didn't really talk about anything for a while, just stood there not saying anything but that hug told me a lot. It told me that yeah, I was screwed, and yeah I probably had no hope of going back home, but at least there’s someone here that cares about me, she doesn't get what’s going on with me, and she doesn't think she will but she cares about me and she’ll do her best to help me with it.
Even if it means just a shoulder to cry on once in a while, or a tight hug to remind me that I’m really not that alone after all.
Fuck, maybe friendship really is what I need right now.
I would never admit it to them, though.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Interlude 1 - The Princess of the Night.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Interlude 1 - The Princess of the Night.
Luna yawned.
This was the fifth pony to come to her in this night court. That is not to say the night was still young, in fact, it is quite the opposite as the moon was almost reaching her peak in the sky. And Luna of all ponies would know about that.
It has been more than a year since Luna returned now and the ponies of Equestria are still reluctant to trust her. Not that she blames them of course, after all, you have to do some very nasty things to end up as an old pony tale about a demon mare that devours children.
Nowhere else was that fact more obvious than in the Nightly Court. She had been sitting on that throne for hours and only five meager ponies had attended her court. Granted she had just reinstated her Court so perhaps ponies were still not aware of it, but it still worried and saddened her that five ponies were, so far, the record number of petitioners in the Court's three months of activity.
And they were not even there for actual problems that she could solve. One was a rambling mad pony, convinced that the government was placing surveillance wards in his home, Luna attempted to reason with this stallion but it soon proved to be a fool's errand, in the end, she nodded and promised to remove the spells. She wagered this would not be the last she would hear of this pony.
The second and third ponies were a couple of the nobility finest sort. Shamefully, though, that means they were two self-entitled jerks that believe that just because their parents happened to be fairly important citizens who improved pony society with their hard work and dedication then they deserved the same amount of respect, naturally these ponies had never actually worked in their lives, let alone contributed to society. Luna ignored their requests and sent them away with the grace and expertise of a princess.
Her sister, however, might not agree with that statement.
The fourth pony had gotten lost returning to his room and needed directions to a bathroom.
At least that one had been polite.
This pony actually met the requirements for placing a petition in the night court. She had a problem that needed to be addressed, lacked the means to do so on her own and approached the Night Princess with politeness and grace.
"Your Highness? Am I boring you?" The scrawny mare asked, clearly fearful that Luna had found request unworthy. "I can leave if you wish, I'm sure the village can find a solution without bothering you, your Majesty."
Luna snapped out of her morose state and blushed at the realization of the disrespect with which she treated her subject. "Apologies Rose, this has been a long and stressful night and We find ourselves to be more spent than We believed." She apologized, making sure to look the pony in the eye and try to be as reassuring as possible. "Now, you were saying of the trouble a certain clan of Diamond Dogs was causing in your village?"
"Yes your Highness, they have been raiding our farms and harassing merchants and travelers that are coming and going from the village." Rose continued, "They are trying to take the land for themselves and we have been standing our ground but with no more merchants willing to trade with us and our crops being destroyed, come next harvest we may not be able to hold out for much longer. The guard is doing their best to fight back but they are greatly outnumbered."
Finally a pony who actually needed her help, Luna would have beamed up with joy had she not been paying much more attention to her body language since her last gaffe, "We assure you, White Rose, that the Guard will not stand by and idly watch while these vile creatures harm our subjects! We will send a detachment to Ore Valley immediately to apprehend these ruffians."
Rose thanked Luna profusely, bowing several times. It was clear this problem had been going on for quite some time, why had Celestia not taken measures yet? The villages in the fringes of Equestrian Territory have always needed extra protection from Canterlot before they could organize a defensive force of their own, especially those on the edge of the Badlands, and yet this place was in dire need of reinforcements. Why hadn't they received word of this before?
"But pray tell Rose, if this has been an issue for so long then why is it that you never tried to contact us before?"
The small mare looked up at the princess with a look of great confusion on her face, of all questions she expected from Princess Luna, that, was not one of them.
"What do you mean Princess? We have sent several letters and at least three ponies , two of them came back saying that Canterlot had promised help was coming soon."
"And the other?"
"We don't really know." But the look in her eyes and the crack in her voice told Luna they knew exactly what happened to him.
Now Luna was truly surprised. They had sent word about it? Then was Canterlot ignoring them on purpose? Was Celestia ignoring their pleas on purpose? That was impossible, Celestia had thrown herself before entire enemy battalions to save their troops the bloodshed during the Griffon Invasions, she would never do such a thing.
No, something else was afoot here. Either these ponies had been lying and they had never alerted the authorities or there was something much more sinister going on in this city.
"In fact, most ponies back home think we've been abandoned." Rose continued, sounding heartbroken and slightly terrified to be saying such things to the Princess of The Night, "Me and my friends are some of the only ones who refused to believe that Canterlot would do that to us, so we decided to skip the regular channels and come directly to you." She finished but quickly noticed her mistake and corrected herself, "Your Highness."
"Hmm, it is hard to believe that the Guard would simply ignore a plea for aid from one of our border settlements." Luna pondered, more to herself than to anypony else really. "But no matter, you are in need of aid and aid you shall receive. Forget the General Guard, I'll send a detachment of my finest ponies, the Umbral Guard will see to it that this threat is eliminated, tomorrow you shall begin your journey back home alongside them and soon Ore Valley will be free of these criminals."
Once again the little earth mare face lighted up with joy and Luna was assaulted by another barrage of 'thank yous' and reverences, when Rose was finally done showing her gratitude, Luna arranged a private room for her and her travel companions that were waiting for the mare's return to some inn at the city below. Something was wrong with this whole situation and Luna would much rather have her own people watching over these ponies than trust the regular Guard, especially in light of this new information.
Yes, something was definitely rotten in the city of Canterlot.
And Luna would get to the bottom of it.
"Steward," Luna called the elderly pony sitting on a cushion beside her as soon as Rose had left. "Fetch Lieutenant Skies for me, tell her to meet me in my chambers immediately."
The old stallion silently bowed and took off with a surprising swiftness for somepony of his age, leaving Luna quite surprised that the old stallion that looked like he was about to crumble beneath his own weight actually had so much energy inside him. Luna quickly shrugged the surprise off, got up from her throne and told the guards that she wouldn't be receiving any more ponies that night and began her walk back to her chambers.
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"Lieutenant Skies reporting for duty your Highness!" Came the soft and nervous voice of the young soldier as the steward motioned for her to enter Princess Luna's chambers.
Needless to say, this whole situation was very unexpected for the recently promoted mare. Up until only a few months ago, she was a corporal serving under her sergeant with the team she now found herself in charge off, so a private meeting in the middle of the night with the Princess herself was definitely not among the things she expected to happen in the near future.
"Thank you, Tight Schedule," Luna said as she left her balcony to greet her guest. "I would like to speak to the Lieutenant in private, so if you could please excuse us."
"Of course your Highness, I'll be seeing to my other duties, if you have need of me." The steward bowed respectfully and, with a short nod to the Lieutenant, left to do as he said.
And with the click of the door closing, both ponies were left staring at each other in silence. With Skies growing ever more nervous as Luna stood there eyeing her, sizing her up, as if she wasn't completely sure Skies was what she was expecting.
"So..." Luna finally broke the ice, she lit up her horn and a couple of files and papers left her desk floating up to her and resting just before her face, she took some seconds to give them a superficial reading before lowering them so that she could look at the Lieutenant once again. "This is the pony who, upon seeing her commanding officer attempt to surrender to a changeling squad, proceeded to incapacitate said pony and take command of her forces herself, forced the enemy forces to retreat who, by the way, were in greater number with no further casualties?"
It always sounds so much more dignified and heroic when other ponies describe it. As far as Skies was concerned that feat was not the product of courage, brilliance or an outstanding sense of duty, rather it was the product of overwhelming terror and an exacerbated desire to have one last hayburger at her favorite place.
But for some reason, her superiors didn't seem to care about her version of the events. "Umm- Yes, your Majesty." She answered sheepishly.
To her surprise, Luna broke out in a hearty laughter, tossing all those papers and files over her shoulder. The Princess, still giggling like a school filly, walked up to the now very scared soldier and draping a wing over the pegasus, guided her to the balcony. "No need to be bashful with me. I for one think this is one of the best things I've seen in quite some time." The Princess reassured her still, trying not to laugh, "Be honest with me now, and trust me, if you lie I will know. Did you actually plan all this or did the whole situation simply spiraled out of control and you had to.... Oh, what is the expression I'm looking for again?"
"Roll with it?" Skies suggested.
"Yes! Precisely, roll with it. What a marvelous figure of speech." Luna muttered to herself.
Skies took a moment to decide whether or not, to be honest with her Princess but she wisely realized her threat was most likely very well founded, besides it's not like it would matter anyway. "You know the whole 'incapacitated her commanding officer?'" She asked the Princess, who promptly nodded, "Well, actually I freaked out when she said we would be surrendering and ended up kicking her in the face, she got knocked out and I suddenly found myself with fifteen soldiers looking at me as if I knew what I was doing." She paused to take a deep breath and finished, "I didn't. I really didn't"
And so Luna laughed even harder. "Oh, this is outstanding!" She said as soon as she caught her breath, "You are perfect, Skies."
"Perfect? Your Highness?" The confused mare blurted out, almost forgot to address Luna by her title but managed to catch herself in time. "Did I say that right? I don't think you heard that right."
"I have an assignment for you and your team," Luna said. Not really caring about what the Lieutenant had to say anymore. "And it's very important that you are not to discuss it with anypony except for your team."
"Me? Isn't there anypony more qualified?" Skies argued, getting more and more concerned, "Somepony who didn't freak out and assaulted a superior in the middle of combat? I can name a few if it helps."
"Shush, I've made my decision." Luna, however, only shrugged her off and continued without missing a beat. "You are to escort a group of ponies back to their home in Ore Valley, one of our border settlements in the Badlands tomorrow morning, needless to say, their well-being is paramount here."
"Yes, your Highness." Skies sighed, defeated.
"Once you arrive in Ore Valley you are to coordinate the village's defenses, you will locate the group of Diamond Dogs that are preying on those poor ponies, and apprehend them for questioning." Luna continued, "Find out who they're working for if they're working for somepony, why they are targeting that village in particular and what happened to one of the ponies they sent to seek the aid of Canterlot, he is missing and presumed dead."
"Understood ma'am, but if you don't mind me asking, why are we not supposed to talk about it with anypony else?" Skies asked, despite her better judgment.
"I do mind, Lieutenant." Luna harshly answered, "These are your orders, carry them out. It is enough for you to know that your discretion is paramount to the mission."
"Yes, Princess. Understood." The Lieutenant immediately saluted, she should know better by now than to question such things, after all somepony of her rank isn't exactly privy to the Princesses'es plans.
"And one last thing," Luna mentioned as she motioned for the Lieutenant to follow her to the door. "Shortly after your arrival in Ore Valley, you are to expect one of my agents, he will assist you with this mission."
"Will he be taking command ma'am?"
"No, he will be your partner, of sorts." Luna explained, "as far as rank is concerned just consider him to be your equal, even though he holds no real military rank."
Skies found that very odd after all, this was hardly protocol. But Princess Luna herself gave the order, so there would be no point in arguing.
"He will have a badge recognizing as an Agent of the Crown..." Luna then paused, as if uncertain on how to continue, "You'll know him when you see him, trust me. There will be a file awaiting you on your quarters with more details on the village and such, it's not much to go on but I am confident you can do it."
Skies stopped right outside Luna's door and with a sharp turn, saluted once more. "Yes, your Highness. You will not be disappointed." She hoped.
Luna gave her a confident smile, she looked certain she had made the right choice. Skies, on the other hand, was not so sure. "I better not be Skies." She finished with a statement that seemed very out of place in such a friendly and cheerful tone of voice and promptly closed the door. Leaving Lieutenant Skies to return to the barracks and share the good news with her team.
She really could not see how she was best suited for this assignment, in fact, the whole briefing felt rushed as if this whole thing had been put together in the last minute, and quite frankly she would not be surprised if that was the case.
However Skies was a soldier, even if she wasn't as confident as the Princess was in her abilities, and if a soldier gets and order she carries it out. Skies would be no different.
Even if she did hit a couple of bumps along the way.
Author's Note
So... Interludes.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 7 - The call comes early.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 7 - The call comes early.
Needless to say, Rarity didn't feel like acknowledging me a lot during lunch. Therefore I spent most of the time talking with Fluttershy while Rarity would speak up once or twice. I didn't expect her to take it that hard, but I suppose my little joke may have gone too far, so I tried apologizing. She didn't like that, instead she reprimanded me and told me to stop grovelling like every stallion does when they hurt some mare's feelings, she was just still a little mad and needed some time to cool down.
While I understood what she meant, I must to say I have to take offense to that statement. I don't grovel. I apologize profusely. There is a difference.
And so we ate, and when we finished eating, it was time to pay the bill.
"Excuse me, but just what do you think you're doing?" Rarity asked seeing me take a pretty big amount of bits out of my coin purse.
"Paying for lunch?" I answered carefully. I still wasn't completely used to how they did things around here, so I thought that maybe I was doing something very wrong there.
"That seems like too many bits for just a salad and a glass of water doesn't it?" She asked, her eyes squinting with suspicion. Making me realize what this was all about.
"There was the dressing?" I answered her awkwardly, I knew it was a pitiful attempt at best but I had to try it, her look of 'don't bullshit me darling' told me she thought the same thing. "C'mon Rarity, do we have to do this?"
"Janos. Just don't." She deadpanned, "I won't let you pay for everything, me and Fluttershy are more than capable of paying for our own meals."
"Rarity's right Janos. I wouldn't want to trouble you with that." Fluttershy silently added from her seat, still fumbling with her own purse.
"C'mon, you people have already helped me out a lot, paying for lunch is the least I can do." However annoyed I always at having to convincing them to take my money (Convincing people to take my money, It almost makes me want to tell them who I really am. If only to have someone to share this irony with.) at the very least I was relieved to find out my new friends were not the kind of girls who think a guy has to pay for lunch simply because he packs extra weight between his legs.
"Yes, we did help you." Rarity agreed, but before I could anything more she continued. "That's just what friends do Janos, there is no need to repay anything." Rarity answered.
"Right, and this is also just something friends do." I agreed, "So let me pay and let's be done with it."
"It's just that this is a bit too expensive." Fluttershy mentioned, "I wouldn't be comfortable making you pay for it."
"Okay, three things." I began by lifting three finger for them to see, "One: I get paid a lot by Celestia and I don't have anything to spend it on since she sends money to cover up for food and stuff for me." I lowered one of the fingers, "Two: Buying you a nice lunch is the least I can do when you're losing a lot of money making a whole wardrobe for free to me." Lowering the next finger I continued, "And lastly: I don't see anyone making me do anything here. I'm doing it because I want to." I finished by picking up the bill with the bits around it and handing it to Savoir Fare who was patiently waiting besides me while we decided how to pay.
He gave a respectful glance at both Rarity and Fluttershy looking for confirmation, and, upon seeing them agree, (albeit a bit grudgingly) retrieved the bill with my money and placed it on his tray, before accompanying us to the exit. "It was a pleasure having you with us today, please come again at your leisure." He gave us all a slight bow with his head and returned to his duties.
"This will not become a habit." Rarity declared before she began walking leading us to her shop. "Now hurry up, I have a lot of work today."
I followed suit and Fluttershy did the same walking next to me, "You're coming too?" I asked her.
"Well, I don't really have anything else to do today."
"Great, I'm gonna need someone to keep Rarity from sticking me full of holes with a needle." Afraid of getting the fashionista even more pissed off, I took advantage of how she was keeping some distance by staying ahead of us, and made sure she wouldn't hear that by whispering it to Fluttershy.
"I don't know if there's anypony that can help you when Rarity gets like that."
"Yeah, I didn't think I had offended her that much."
"Oh don't worry about it, I'm just joking. Rarity's just a big drama queen."
"No way!" I brought my hands to my head making the classic 'mind-blown' gesture with the accompanying explosion sound. "I would never have noticed it! Rarity of all people..."
She tried to cover up a little chuckle but unfortunately these ponies can hear anything. Their powerful ears combined with Rarity's womanly (merely? Marey? Ugh, screw it.) sixth-sense makes it almost impossible to keep anything from her. "I heard that!" She spoke in the sing-song voice she uses when she wants to be endearing or threatening. Funny how it can have both effects on people.
At least it told me her mood had improved. Luckily for all of us, Rarity's shop, The Carousel Boutique (I know and trust me, it looks much more ridiculous than it sounds like.) was very close to the restaurant where we ate, so the walk was pretty short.
Once again I had to keep my hood up to avoid the stares from all the ponies that still had not gotten used to my presence. I won't chalk this up to my training, and say that that all that attention bothers me because I'm so used, and conditioned, to not be noticed, because that is complete bullshit, makes no sense at all. Truth is I've always been like this. Being the center of attention always bothered me, even the most innocent stuff, and the more people focusing on me, the more nervous and bothered I get. Yeah, you wouldn't assume this from a first glance but I'm actually a pretty shy guy. The difference between me and Fluttershy is that when I get used to people, which usually happens pretty quickly, the shy goes away, and if the situations demands it, I can make an effort and ignore the feeling.
When we got to the Boutique, which honors it's name by being modeled after a carousel, Rarity opened it up and invited us inside. And I was immediately assaulted with the assortment of pinks, yellows and whites that make up this place. I will never understand the necessity to make this shop look as much as possible to one of those stupid looking doll houses you'd stumble upon during a commercial on a Saturday morning cartoon.
Waiting for us was a certain light blue pegasus with rainbow mane laying on her back looking very bored in Rarity's couch. "Ugh! Finally! Where have you been monkey dude?"
Rainbow Dash. And her annoying trend of monkey related nicknames which she so adamantly dedicated herself to using when she learned just how much it pissed me off. "We were out for lunch Rainbow." Rarity briefly explained while she got her things ready. "By the way." She added, "How did you get in my house? I locked the doors."
"Yeah, but not the windows." Rainbow answered pointing upstairs, causing Rarity to whisper some unpleasantry under her breath. "Anyway, Twilight sent me to get you." The lazy pegasus reached beneath a wing and, with surprising accuracy for someone without fingers, "Think fast" threw a scroll halfway across the room, it would have hit me square in the nose had I not caught it.
"Nice catch." She praised my quick reflexes.
"Thanks, get me where?"
"Will you just read the stupid letter and stop asking me stuff?"
"Jeez, what the hell's your problem today?"
"Egghead woke me up." Rainbow groaned, getting even more annoyed when I promptly ignored her demand.
Sensing that was the best answer I was going to get, I shifted my focus to the letter on my hand. Right away I noticed the broken seal, it was dark blue with a white crescent moon in the center. So now we know who sent it. Unraveling the scroll, I began to read the letter's contents and find out just what prompted Twilight to wake up my well-mannered friend.
Agent Janos of the Night Crown.
You are hereby summoned to appear before her Majesty, Mistress of the Night and Keeper of dreams, Princess Luna of Equestria, at once, to address matters concerning your first assignment, should you choose to accept it.
We understand this summon comes much earlier than expected, but a matter of great urgency has arisen and her Majesty, Mistress of the Night and Keeper of dreams, Princess Luna of Equestria requires your assistance.
Your reward and the specifics of the mission in question will be discussed personally, at Canterlot. We await your arrival as soon as this letter reaches your person.
Her Majesty's aide, Tight Schedule.
PS: The presence of your charge, Miss Rarity, is also required, as her expertise is needed to put the finishing touches on your equipment.
Those are some pretty fancy titles, I'm dealing with royalty alright, so full of themselves. Though who am I to argue? I keep insisting on being called a master thief all the time. Also Night Crown? If she's the night crown then I guess Celestia should be the Day Crown, but then what does that make Twilight and Cadence? Should ask them next time.
"What does it say Janos?" Rarity returned with her sewing equipment and an assortment of folded shirts, pants and even some boxers in tow. I had no idea she had already made all that stuff, in fact I was under the impression we were going to take my measures today so she could start working on these clothes. She must have noticed my look of surprise, because she smugly explained, "What? Do you really think I needed to take your measures first? Please darling, a lady of my talent can tell these things with but a glance." Then, after tapping her chin as if pretending to be looking for the right word, she added, "A first sight, if you will." once again with that hint of flirting hanging on her voice. This time however, it was very clear whether or not I was imagining it. Her change of demeanor, from annoyed to flirty, made me very interested in what she was planning.
Rarity, though, was acting as if nothing was wrong, "I only need to put the finishing touches on them" but after noticing me staring in silence, she continued with a tone of mockery . "What's wrong dear? Cat got your tongue?" She taunted me, a playful smirk growing on her face.
I stood there studying her some more for a few seconds before deciding she was just probably trying to get back at me for what I did at the restaurant. I ignored her provocation, "It's a letter from Princess Luna, she wants me to come to Canterlot immediately. Apparently, she's got some urgent work for me."
"Oh!" Rarity exclaimed, surprised at the suddenness of this news, "Then I suppose this will have to wait." She dropped the pile of clothes in the platform to the side. "Such a shame, but It seems we'll simply have to wait until you come back."
"Not exactly, she wants you to come too. Something about putting the finishing touches on some equipment?" Even as I explained to the unicorn, I still wasn't really sure what that meant. "We can probably do this in Canterlot."
"Equipment? I don't see how I could be of any help."
"She mentioned having some armor fashioned for me last time I was there, maybe she needs your help with making sure it's fitting right or something."
"Maybe. Well, the Princess needs me, I guess there is no point in arguing. I'll just have to go and do my best to help right?"
"Guess so. Just go get ready, the letter is just the right amount of polite enough to make it clear she wants us there ASAP."
"Of course darling, I'll just go pack the essentials." Knowing Rarity, that probably didn't mean what I hoped it did. "Just give a moment!" She yelled as rushed to her room.
As my unicorn tailor made her way upstairs to pack the 'essentials' I turned to the two pegasi who were now sharing the purple couch, much to Rainbow's disappointment, who really looked like she could use some sleep right now.
"How are my two favorite pegasi doing?" I cheerfully asked as I approached them, eager to find something to distract me while Rarity packed her belongings.
"We're the only pegasi you talk to." Rainbow groggily stated. It seemed the anger and annoyance had given way to the drunken stupor of missed sleep.
"Not true there is the wall-eyed mail mare." I pointed out. "I talk to her too... If only I could remember her name, Was it Derp something? or maybe Muffins? She talked about muffins a lot so it might just be some nickname I gave her, the same could be true for the other name though..."
"Whatever." Never mind, grumpy Rainbow is back. "I'm gonna go help Flutters make sure her critters have everything they need while she is away, can you help Rarity bring her stuff to the station?"
"Wait, you're coming too?"
"Yeah, and before you give me any lip, we know the Princess only called you and Rarity, but Pinkie wants to throw a, and I quote, 'Good luck on your super secret mission and hope you don't die in the middle of nowhere cold and alone party.' before you leave."
Wow, that's...
"Grim, I know. We all thought so, Applejack's trying to get her to change it." The blue pegasus finished for me. Something told me that's not the first time she's seen that reaction. "But that's Pinkie Pie for you, the girl can't stand going a week without befuddling everypony."
"Befuddling?" I repeated incredulously. "Pretty big word for such a small birdbrain," I commented, crossing my arms and putting on a big shit eating grin. If she thought I was gonna let the monkey thing go, she would be very disappointed.
"Not in the mood Janos." She answered harshly, getting up from the couch with a strong flap of her wings the pegasus was then hovering a couple of inches above my head. With her slumped shoulders and her neck hanging below her, Rainbow would look like she was hanging by threads tied to her wings if only said wings weren't being flapped up and down like that.
"C'mon Fluttershy, the girls are all waiting for us at the station by now." Rainbow urged her friend and Fluttershy quickly got out of the couch and after giving me a quick hug by just putting her leg around my waist and pressing her cheek to my chest she followed her grumpy friend and disappeared behind the boutique's front door. I briefly saw them passing through the boutique's window chatting among themselves before I noticed something.
"Hey wait a second! You read my letter!" I yelled at Rainbow. "That's private correspondence you can't do that!"
"That was Twilight dude, Spike coughs up a letter and she already thinks it's for her." And without letting me get another word out she was gone, dragging Fluttershy with her.
Finding myself alone (not to mention slightly violated.), I dropped down on the same couch Rainbow Dash was previously using, and I promptly started doing what everyone else does when left alone in the house of someone with whom we still don't have the 'raiding the fridge without asking' privileges. I began to awkwardly look around.
I never really get a chance to do that, because it was right at that moment the ghost presence decided it had been too long since my latest headache. Seconds after I sat down I felt a familiar presence coming from the floor above me. Usually, being the loyal and dedicated bodyguard I am, I would rush upstairs, kick the door down and shove Rarity beneath her bed until I could be certain everything was ok, but I've learned these things don't mean trouble is coming. How do I know that? Well, when I felt this presence inside a death forest filled to the brim with all sorts of mythological creatures that would like nothing better than to tear the meat from my bones, and I didn't get as much as a kitten tearing angrily at my pants, I came to the conclusion that this was either all on my head or it meant something else entirely.
I took off my boots and sat cross-legged on the couch. For a couple of days now I've been employing some meditation technique I learned during my training as a boy, it was a good way to clear your head and focus on a single issue. If performed correctly you could tackle a problem in such a way that you'll spend hours obsessing over it until you can come up with the best solution for it, it's very tricky and there are some stories about people not being careful and spending entire days trying to solve problems that are too complicated for this particular approach to be effective. Shutting yourself out to nearly all external stimuli can be dangerous after all.
But I'm a very careful guy, and I'm just trying to explore this feeling in order to find out what it's all about so it shouldn't be too problematic. So far that approach was not working relatively well, my previous attempts were helping me find out where it was coming from and it was definitely not inside my head. I'll try to explain here, but I'm honestly not sure how to go about this. I guess it's kinda like finding out another sense, we can hear or smell things nearby, but imagine one day you suddenly wake up and now you can feel something else entirely, like your brain is suddenly getting in touch with a part of it it never really used that much. It would be alien and strange, and obviously atrophied, to the point where simply trying to get used to it was complicated.
That day though, was when I began to really tap into it. Before it was nothing but an echo, a faint signal pulsing through my head. That day, that day it became clear. After some concentrating I began to feel something moving and shifting on the floor above me, it began weak and faint but it gradually got stronger and stronger, until I could tell it was moving around with a purpose. I could feel a small part of it stretching out from a fixed point where it was accumulated, the appendage then began to move around, it would seem to latch onto something else then moving to it's central mass before dropping it, then it move on to the next place and repeating all over again.
Just as I seemed to be getting the hang of this, my concentration was disrupted by a filly pulling on my shirt with her teeth.
It was Sweetie Belle, Rarity's little sister. She was a small unicorn filly, and when I say small I really mean it, she barely reached my waist. She had a white coat liker her sister, though hers was of a more darker white, if that makes any sense, a shade grayer maybe?That still doesn't sound right. Anyway, her head was adorned by a curly mane that was half purple and half pink same as her tail.
She looked up at me, "Janos?" She asked before jumping up on the couch next to me giving me a concerned look, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I answered the feeling was gone just as quickly as it arrived. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sure?" She asked again, raising an eyebrow, "You don't look ok to me."
"I'm fine Sweetie." I assured her with a forced smile, "I was just thinking about something."
"That's some pretty dedicated thinking, I was calling you for like five minutes." She said, "I was getting worried." Awwwww.
I reached around her and gave her a tight hug once again reassuring the poor thing that I was fine, "So, what's up squeaky?"
Sweetie Belle put her tongue out in displeasure of the nickname I got her after finding out how often her voice cracked, "I was hoping to get home before you and Rarity got done with your fashion thing."
"It's not a fashion thing," I stated, feeling a bit insulted. "So what do you need her for?"
"It's a school field trip, I need her to sign for me so I can go since mom and dad are out of town." Sweetie Belle chimed in.
"She went upstairs to pack" I motioned for the stairs and quickly dropped myself in the same couch Rainbow and Fluttershy were sharing earlier.
"You're gonna do some waiting then, Rarity really likes to take her time packing." Yeah, I was afraid of that. "Where are you going?"
"Canterlot."
"Why?"
"Luna called me."
She stopped what she was doing, which was dropping her school supplies into the nearest table, and she turned beaming with excitement. "The Princess called you?!" She asked / yelled at me. "What did-"
"I'm gonna stop you right there." I said, hoping to not deal with a hyperactive ten year old with a gigantic imagination for the next two hours while Rarity packed the 'essentials'. "And say that all I know is that she's got work for me and I'm supposed to report back to Canterlot ASAP."
Her blank look told me the acronym sailed right over her head.
"A-S-A-P." I repeated, "As soon as possible."
She mouthed an 'O' and, at the sound of something heavy being dropped upstairs followed shortly by the most dignified and controlled yell of 'horse apples!' I've ever heard, she rushed upstairs yelling her sister's name. Followed shortly by me of course. If that woman was going to take forever to pack then I might as well go help her and see if we could chop down eternity to just a few years.
I followed Sweetie Belle closely, as I had no idea where anything was upstairs, and we quickly arrived at a set of double doors, not the kind where there are two doors joined at the middle where each opens to a side opposite to the other, I mean those doors where the upper side and the lower side are separate from each other. So you could open only the upper half and get your mail or something or you could open only the lower half and use it for a conga line I guess.
Why do people build these stuff?
And why did she get one of those for her bedroom door?
Anyway, we reached her room, Sweetie Belle rushed inside before I could even get a good look inside, but when I did? Oh boy.
You see, I figured that Rarity, as one of those women who really freak out over her appearance (And that's pretty understandable considering her line of work. Please don't take it as criticism, I'm merely stating the facts.), she would tend to over pack a bit and take a really long while to decide what exactly she was gonna take on a trip.
I didn't expect six big and full cases of clothing and accessories for what would be, at best, a brief stay of a day or two in Canterlot. Especially when her kind's idea of casual wear was nothing at all.
"Uhh, Rarity? Everything ok in there?" I asked while knocking at the door, with Twilight I would just barge in but that's because we were already used to one another after spending a week living together, with Rarity, a lady, by the way, I wouldn't feel comfortable invading like that.
"Oh! C'mon in darling." She invited me in while stomping her forelegs on a, particularly full case in an attempt to close it. "Perhaps you can- Roof" She grunted putting more weight into it, "Be of some assistance?"
"Sure," I answered her moving up to the bed where she was trying to force that trunk closed. Rarity's bedroom, just as girly and doll-house as I expected. She has one of those beds with curtains on the sides, a big one too, figure you could fit four of her on that thing.
Just from looking at this room you could really tell she was dedicated to her job, even in her bedroom you could see a bunch of sewing equipment around, there was a table in a corner with an old sewing machine, ponyquinns arranged in a straight just off to the side with one put in the center wearing a really fancy dark purple dress with fancy earrings and a golden tiara adorned with a couple of jewels, two rubies and an amethyst if I'm not mistaken, quality stuff too, it must have some sentimental value if she's keeping it here instead of downstairs with the rest of the merchandise.
Placing my two hands on top of her travel case I pushed down adding my own weight with hers. Seconds later I heard the zip quickly going from one end to the other as Rarity pushed it with her magic, panting, the mare laid down on her bed hiding her hooves beneath her, much like a cat, the sight was quite amusing.
"Thank you, darling." She said.
"Sooo, where are you going?" I asked her, sweeping my hand across the room to indicate the various travel cases strewn around.
"What?" She asked me, doing a double take to make sure she heard me right. "What do you mean darling?"
I asked her again, with a playful smirk much alike the one she loved to flash my way recently. "Where are you going? Cause, judging by the look of it, this is definitely not for a weekend trip to Canterlot."
"Oh!" She laughed awkwardly, "These silly things?" She asked no one in particular, her eyes scanning the room slowly. "Just some... essentials?"
"Rarity." I crouched down beside the bed, "You can do whatever you want. I've only known you for a week or so, I won't tell you how to live your life. But do you really need-" I stopped and counted all the baggage strewn around, "seven travel cases full of clothes?"
"Yes?" She answered sheepishly.
"Fine." I got up suddenly and backed away a step, "But I'm only gonna help you with two, good luck with the rest."
Shrugging I picked up two cases at random, threw one over my shoulder and began making my way out, "See you in Canterlot my lady."
"Wait!" She yelled at me, stopping me when I was just out the door, "You can't leave me to carry all that by myself!"
"Really?" I mocked her, "Watch me milady." And with an exaggerated bow, I was back on my way
"You're bluffing." She declared, smiling smugly as she stuck her head out of the doorway , "After all, my big, strong and loyal protector is not actually going to leave a delicate lady like myself to haul these heavy things all by her lonesome self is he?" She pouted and shot me her best puppy face, I'd be lying if I said I didn't hesitate. But years of living with a little devil named Carol had left me very well prepared to deal with this particular kind of emotional blackmail.
I pouted back and for a moment Rarity actually thought she got me, "Well, you know what I think milady?" I asked her with a mocking smile of own, "I think you could do with a little extra exercise."
And I descended the stairs leaving a flustered and livid unicorn mare uselessly yelling insults at me plus one unicorn filly with the biggest smile on her face following me closely.
"Oh, she's going to kill you for that."
"Ha! I would like to see her try. As if I'd let every pretty face I meet boss me around" I set the two cases down and sat on one waiting for my dear friend to come down, "Your sister's way too used to dealing with prepubescent dragons and stupid stallions with no self-esteem."
"Tell me about it."
It wasn't long before we heard the grunting and cussing coming from upstairs (Granted it was very soft-core cussing, but I was beginning to think ponies were physically incapable of breaking the E rating). And a couple of the cases I left behind came tumbling down from the stairs only to go skidding about on the floor before stopping before me. "If you're going to be that way." Rarity said as she came down the stairs, "Then take these two." She then proceeded to pass by me without sparing me so much as a glance and heading out the door.
Yeah, looks like I really picked the day to get on her wrong side huh?
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The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 8 - Premonitions and ambushes at the Friendship Express.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 8 - Premonitions and ambushes at the Friendship Express.
"You think she's gonna let that go anytime soon?" I asked the small unicorn filly riding on my shoulders.
"Not likely." Sweetie Belle answered, "But you could make her a present! Whenever I do something that bothers her I make her a drawing or something and she forgives me."
"Yeah, I don't think Rarity would want that."
"Why not?"
"Well, one: I can't draw." I said, "And two: it would be kinda weird for a grown man to giver her a crude drawing as an apology don't you think?"
"Oh! Yeah, you're right. Guess it's cuter when her ten-year-old little sister does it." She agreed.
I mumbled in agreement and kept walking. After I left Rarity's place we realized Sweetie Belle needed a place to stay, so I volunteered to take her to the Apple's farm so she could stay there until Rarity could come back. Of course, I only did that to get away from the pissed unicorn for a while, after all, Sweetie Belle is perfectly capable of making the trip on her own.
Thankfully the train station is pretty close to the farm, so it's not like I'll be going in the complete opposite direction, so I figured I'd give Rarity some time to cool off her head.
I also brought along her bags so she didn't need to carry it to the station. A little counterproductive I know, but after insulting her twice in the same day after she went through all the trouble to waste that much making me a whole bunch of clothes for free, I just felt like not antagonizing her any further.
As we reached the Sweet Apple Acre's gates, I spotted Big Mac leaving the barn pulling a cart full of farming equipment towards one of the fields. "Hey!" I called out to him. I would wave but the filly on my shoulders and the stuff I'm carrying prevented me from doing that. "Big Mac!" I called again when the stallion didn't see me.
This time, he caught sight of me and waved back in his calm and collected demeanor, the working stallion then turned around and returned to work. I had hoped to save some time and drop Sweetie off with him but I guess doing things properly and talking with Granny Smith directly wouldn't make me miss the train.
"Okay, that's enough piggy back riding for you." I dropped the bags and grabbed Sweetie Belle setting her down in front of me when she complained I added, "What? Are you heavier than you look you know? My shoulders are sore enough already, you had your fun."
"Wow, one sister isn't enough huh? You have to call her little sister fat too?" She shot back, "You want me to let you know when Mom and Dad come back home so you can call my whole family fat?"
I ignored that and took the saddlebag I was carrying on top of one of the bags and helped the filly put it on, despite her insistence that she could do it herself. I had seen her trying to get this thing right back at Rarity's and I wasn't about to waste forty-five minutes under the hot sun while she tried to repeat the feat. "C'mon, let's see if Mrs. Smith is inside so I can dump you on her." Sweetie Belle didn't say anything, this time, instead, she opted to tick her tongue out at me and raced to the front door of the Apple's home.
Ten-year old's are ten-year old's everywhere it seems. Seeing me still halfway to the front door when she had arrived was too much for her impatient self, and the filly began jumping in circles while yelling at me to hurry up. I guess the prospect of a sleepover was too much for her to handle.
"Calm down I'm coming," I said as I caught up with her. I gave the front door a couple of knocks and dropped the bags down again, to give my arms some rest. Some seconds passed by and no response came from the other side of the door. I shot a look at Sweetie Belle, hoping she knew what to do but she only raised her eyebrow at me and shrugged.
I knocked again, this time, a little harder. Still no response.
I huffed in annoyance and knocked again, this time pretty hard. The way a drug dealer would knock on the house of a guy that owns him a lot of money. "Mrs. Smith? You there?"
This time, I heard some mumbling coming from inside, I couldn't understand it but anyone could tell there was someone really annoyed in there.
After a few seconds, the door opened, revealing a very grumpy old mare. That was Granny Smith, Applejack's grandmother and matriarch of the Apple Family. As I just pointed out, she is a very old mare, how old? Apparently as old as this town, so yeah pretty old. She is a small mare, though that might just be the age making her seem smaller, of a light green coat and a mane and tail that one day might have had some color, today it was gray and messy.
"Who are you?" She asked, annoyed.
"It's me, Mrs. Smith." I tried to remind her, "Janos, Applejack's friend? I was here just earlier this week helping Applebloom with her chores." How the hell does this woman forget me? I would be offended if that wasn't such a relief after the way the rest of the town was treating me.
"Oh! Yes, I remember, you're the strapping young fellow Applejack brought home!" Oh dear god.
"Yes, sure. Let's go with that." I said, "Look, the girls and I have to go to Canterlot for a couple of days, no doubt Applejack already spoke with you about it." I paused to let her remember what I was talking about.
She nodded in a very sage manner. "Yes I know, go ahead, don't keep me waiting its time for my nap." She said suddenly shifting her mood back to annoyed.
"Rarity wanted to know if Sweetie Belle couldn't stay here until she came back." I went straight to the point. "I know it's a bit out of the blue, but the princesses didn't really give us a lot of time to prepare."
"Oh shush, Applebloom's friends are always welcome." She dismissed my attempt at an apology, "Come in, you can leave her things in Applebloom's room."
"I'm kind of in a hurry here." I turned to Sweetie Belle and knelt down so I could be at eye to eye with her. "I'm going to go now ok? Behave yourself and please try to take it easy with the crusading all right?"
"I'll try." She answered sheepishly. "When are you going to be back?" She asked me, suddenly looking very worried.
"Your sister should be back by tomorrow or the day after that." I answered, but that wasn't what she asked me. "I might be gone a little longer but don't worry, the princess just has a little something for me to do and then I'll come back."
"Promise?"
"Yeah, of course." Her condition was simply not getting better. What was worrying her so much? Oh, of course. "Rarity told you huh?"
"Yeah, she said you have to keep her and her friends safe and that sometimes the princesses will ask you to do something dangerous, kinda like a guard."
God dammit Rarity, you know better than to go spreading that around, especially to an impressionable young filly who most likely will tell her friends at school. Though I guess I can see how she didn't want to keep secrets from her little sister, even if that information would only confuse and worry her. "Look, Sweetie, I promise I'll be back all right? So you don't worry about a thing, just have fun with Applebloom and make sure to practice hard for the Equestrian Games presentation ok?"
"If we win..." She began, "Will you come see us at the games?"
"Absolutely, wouldn't dream of missing it. Don't know if I can make it to the try outs but I will definitely be there when you guys carry Ponyville's flag to the field."
"Remember! you promised!" She lightened up and gave me a tight hug before sprinting inside. "Bye Janos!"
"Bye kid!" I got up and turned to Granny Smith again. "I should be on my way."
She gave me a warm smile, nodded and closed the door.
--------------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx------------------------------------------------
"Jay Jay! You're here!" A mass of pink tackled me from my left just as soon as I stepped into the train station, causing to drop the two cases I was carrying. I hit the floor with a pony latched onto my torso in what she probably thought was a caring hug but to me was more like an attempt to crush every rib in my chest at once. Trust me, I know how that feels.
"Pinkie Pie..." I breathed out, pushing through the pain of my collapsing rib cage.
"Pinkie Pie would you let the poor stallion go?" Applejack's sweet country voice came to my rescue from somewhere outside the mass of pink hair obscuring my vision. "Ah swear you gonna get somepony killed one of these days." I tried to ignore the ladylike giggles that no doubt came from Rarity as she enjoyed my suffering.
"Okay!" Pinkie Pie answered, getting up with surprising speed. "Hi, Jay Jay!"
"Hi, Pinkie Pie," I answered.
"Oh my goodness!" Fluttershy's voice ringed in my ears, letting me know that she and Rainbow had just arrived as well. "Janos! Are you ok?"
A yellow hoof got my arm and helped me up, then Fluttershy helped dust me off. "Pinkie Pie, I told you to be careful with him, his arm just healed! Do you want Janos to get hurt again?"
"Fluttershy relax, I'm not made of paper," I said.
"Yeah, you do realize the Princess didn't call him for a cup of tea right?" Rainbow said, agreeing with me. "He better be able to handle a hug otherwise we might not be have been so lucky in the bodyguard department."
"All the more reason we should be careful Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy argued. "This will be dangerous enough without Janos being hurt right from the start. What with all the monsters and bad ponies the Princess might want him to go after..." And as she spoke, the yellow pegasus got more and more worried about my continued safety, until her wing was protectively wrapped around me, squeezing me tight.
"Ahem." Applejack cleared her throat, snapping Fluttershy out of it. "Sugarcube? You might wanna... You know?." She motioned for me with her head.
Fluttershy followed her wing all the way to me and after blushing heavily the way she does whenever she does something even remotely awkward, she hastily removed her wing and took a few steps from me, muttering an apology beneath her mane while Rainbow and Pinkie snickered to the side.
"But Fluttershy does raise a valid point there." The country mare spoke again, "You should be careful Janos, who knows what the Princess wants with you."
"When have I not?" I asked her, but all she did was raise an eyebrow at me. "C'mon I'll be fine."
I quickly took to picking up the stuff that fell from Rarity's bag and putting it all back in place, while the girls talked among themselves awaiting Twilight I made myself busy hoping to avoid making Rarity any more mad at me. I mean it's all fun and games until I get a sewing needle in my good eye, you gotta know when to stop with these things.
"Sorry girls, I had to get some things done at the library." Twilight arrived just in time as the train was breaking to a stop in the station.
"You mean I had to get some things done." Spike corrected, dryly.
"I had work to finish Spike, stop complaining you can sleep on the train." The Princess replied angrily. Apparently, this was not an argument they had just begun.
"Hey, Spike." I greeted the dragon with a fist bump to which he reciprocated.
"Hey, Janos." He said. "Here's your stuff." He handed me my backpack which I promptly put on.
"Thanks, buddy."
"So shall we be going?" Rarity asked the group as the train came to a full stop. "We can continue chatting inside after all."
"What's up with Rares?" Rainbow asked me discreetly. I merely shrugged, picked up mine and Rarity's stuff and followed the pissed unicorn inside.
With everyone following behind me, we boarded the train, picked some seats up and got ready for the three-hour ride to Canterlot. I set Rarity's things up in the railing above the seats and, seeing as no else packed anything aside from saddlebags, sat down next to Fluttershy, getting myself comfortable.
Rainbow Dash laid down taking the entire seat next to us for herself, resting her head on her hooves and promptly falling asleep. Rarity sat down opposite to me with Spike who was wasting his time telling her all about his day while she stared daggers at me. Applejack and Twilight sat next to them, and being observant as ever Applejack noticed the look Rarity was giving me. Pinkie Pie sat down on the ground next to me, not wanting to be too far from her friends.
"So, what's up between you two?" Applejack asked me once we were all settled in.
"What are you talking about?" I asked her back, "You two who?" I feigned ignorance, hoping the cowgirl would drop the subject.
"You and Rarity silly!" Pinkie Pie answered for her friend. "She's been giving you looks like when a married couple has a fight but doesn't wanna keep it going in front of their friends, so the wife keeps giving the husband these looks so he knows she's still mad at him and them they fight some more but this time it's in front of his friends and-." Luckily she was interrupted by Applejack.
"Thank you sugar cube, but Ah think he got it."
Rarity huffed loudly and raised her nose at that. "Me? Married to that big oaf?" She asked, rhetorically. "Not in a million years."
"Jeez, what did you do to get her all worked up?" Applejack asked me.
"I made a joke and Rarity's not handling that very well."
"You called me fat!" Rarity yelled, "How else do you expect me to handle that?!"
"Technically I said you needed the exercise." I answered, "I could have been just implying that you're weak and need to work out a little more." Rarity just huffed and averted her eyes to the window, she didn't want to dignify that with a response, and honestly? Who can blame her?
"You called Rarity fat?" Applejack gasped in surprise, "How in darnation are you still alive?"
"Sweetie Belle was there." I explained, "Rarity wouldn't commit cold blooded murder with her little sister watching."
"Ooooh, crafty." Pinkie Pie gasped.
"He even refused to help me with my luggage! What kind of gentlecolt forces a lady to carry such weight?" Rarity continued ranting. "looks like I misjudged you after all." Apparently, she needed to vent a little. "I guess there are some stallions out there who do not know better than to mock a mare's opinions and are not familiar with the basics of good manners. Unfortunately, some people simply do not know better."
Oh, that did it.
"First of all I did help you, last I checked you didn't carry a thing here except your massive ego," I replied, the room fell silent and even Twilight, who up until now was stuffing her face in three different books, had turned to see what was going on. "And second, the only reason you had so much weight was because you were incapable of practicing a little self-control and decided to bring your whole bloody wardrobe in what would be a two-day trip at best."
She tried to reply but I cut her off. "But I don't blame you. After all, when you only need to bat an eyelash to have some poor desperate sod as your little servant it is easy to forget the world doesn't revolve around you. So just take that as a reminder, that there are some guys out there who would not take kindly to that blatant attempt at manipulation, hell they would even be a little offended by that." She was speechless, as was most of the ponies around me, with the exception of Rainbow Dash who had the biggest grin I've ever seen on her face. "I'm sorry about what I said back at the restaurant and the fat thing, it was uncalled for and I did not mean to hurt your feelings but do not to dare pretend you are the saint little thing you are making yourself out to be. At the moment, Rarity, you are being nothing more than a spoiled brat." I looked around and got up, I needed to cool down, I needed to not be around her right now.
"I'm gonna go secure the perimeter or some bullshit."
I quickly got up, grabbed my rifle and rushed out of the wagon.
God dammit I did it again. Why can't I keep my freaking mouth shut?! I know how these things work, confrontation will only make things worse, the best course of action is to let both parties cool down and then apologize and work it out. Hopefully, the other side will do the same, even if they don't then at least I was the bigger man and put an end to the pointless bickering.
I shook it off and started to move on since I'm here, I might as well take a look around, better to make sure there isn't anyone suspicious aboard, and if there is I need to know about it. The train hadn't left yet, so most of the ponies aboard were either new passengers getting their stuff sorted out, or people who had arrived with the train waiting for it to continue on its way. Everyone whose destination was Ponyville had pretty much left already.
As I walked through the wagons ignoring the occasional stares and gasps of surprise that some of the passengers let out, (mostly the ones from outside of Ponyville.) There is definitely something going on in my head, maybe I should talk to someone about it. I mean, I definitely should talk to someone about it, between the mood swings and the random weirdness going on with my head lately I really should have talked to someone. Guess I'm just scared of what it could mean, I don't know how much more bad news I can handle before I break. But they are supposed to be my friends right? If there's anyone I could depend on it should be them, right?
Whoa! Almost had a moment of personal growth there. Dodged that bullet!
As I passed through the second wagon, I noticed an older mare having some trouble with her luggage. She was a light blue Unicorn with a gray mane wrapped in a bun and a short tail. I couldn't see her cutie mark, partially because she was wearing a simple white dress, but mostly because I avoid that particular area of a pony's body when looking at them.
She was trying to levitate her bag to the overhead compartment but was struggling with it. I walked up to her and said hello.
"Hi, need some help your bag ma'am?" I asked her.
She turned around looking spent but wearing a friendly smile. "Oh thank you, my dear, that's very sweet of you." For a moment I was surprised at how well she took my appearance but when I saw her eyes I understood her lack of reaction. They were unfocused and staring at nowhere, the classic signs of blindness. No wonder she was having trouble with her bag.
She dropped her bag next to her gently and, feeling for the seat with a hoof, sat down. I picked up the bag and placed it in the compartment without any trouble. "There you go," I said to let her know I was done. "Can I help you anything else?"
"Oh no, it's quite alright dear." She replied, staring dead ahead. "Why don't you sit down with me for a moment? I asked for some tea a while ago and it should be coming any moment now."
"I don't want to be any trouble ma'am." I refused politely, "I really should get going."
"It's no trouble at all dear, just my way to thank you for your kindness."
I hesitated for a moment but in the end, decided to take her offer. I could use something to relax after all. "Sure, why not." I sat down beside her and placed my rifle on the seat in front of us. "I'm Janos by the way."
"Crystal Ball." She said in response. "So tell me, Janos, what brings you to Equestria?"
I blinked in surprise. How the hell does that woman know I'm not from around here? Do I have an accent? I don't think so, the only pony I know who sounded any different was Applejack, most of the Ponyville spoke with the same accent I did, as far as I knew. "How do you-" But she interrupted me.
"Please dear, I'm blind not stupid." She laughed, "You didn't use magic to lift my bags so you can't be a unicorn, I could hear no wings flapping so you can't be a pegasus and if you had simply balanced my bag on your front hooves I would have heard them hitting the ground once you were done." Huh, guess when you put it that way it makes sense. "And, going by how the whole wagon quieted down when you entered, I would guess you're quite a unique looking creature." She finished.
"Looks like I underestimated you," I said.
"Yes, you did." She agreed with a proud smile. "So what brings you here?"
"Nothing, in particular, you could say I just ended up in Ponyville." I answered her, "But if you want to know why I'm going to Canterlot then I'm afraid this is all purely work related."
"Ah, a traveler then?"
"You could say that." I smiled.
"Done that for a long time in my youth." She mentioned, "Nothing better than packing your things, strapping a wagon to your back and setting out for the unknown."
"Really? You some kind of traveling performer?" I joked, but her expression suddenly turned very serious.
"Not anymore." She said grimly. "Not for a very long time indeed."
"Sorry to hear that, sounds like you're not enjoying your retirement that much."
"It's just not in my blood I suppose. Settling down I mean." She quickly explained. "A gypsy's true home is on the road."
There's Gypsies here? Huh, go figure.
"Everyone gotta stop some day." I reasoned. "Can't stay on the road forever."
"Nah." She dismissed me, "Stopping is for the dead my dear, the living must go on. Life is too short to spend it all in one place doing only one thing."
"I guess you're right." I agreed with her, partly because I could see her point but also because there is no point in arguing with old people. "So, what exactly did you perform Ms. Crystal?" Though I already had a pretty good idea what the answer was.
"Please Janos, just Crystal will do fine." She waved off the courtesies and continued, "I was a clairvoyant, isn't it obvious?"
"I didn't want to assume. So can you tell me my future?"
"I wish I could dear, but that gift has left me a long time ago." She answered, once again taking on that grim and dark expression. "There is a price for seeing more than any pony should, my colt."
Wow, that's pretty harsh. Guess magic isn't as nice as I thought it was. If that was me, I would have a lot of trouble seeing such a thing as anything more than a curse. Then again, I do have a curse of my own.
I looked down at my wrist, pulled the sleeve down and stared at the mark branded on it. The Mark of Harmony. Everyone keeps telling me what an honor it is to be branded with it, but the only see it as a curse. As long as this thing is with me I have absolutely no hope of ever going home. It shackles me to a job I didn't ask for. A responsibility I'm not ready for. A responsibility I shouldn't be entrusted with. Not after what happened.
And for a moment it almost feels like I'm back there. The cold, frigid rain stabbing my face like shards of glass. The warm blood dripping from what used to be my eye. The smell of smoke and gunpowder filling my nose.
The warm blood staining my hands.
Her blood.
"Janos, dear? Something the matter?" Crystal voice pulled me away from my memories. To my great relief, I never want to go back there again. "It seems like I'm not the only one with something on my mind." She said, reading me like an open book. Pretty impressive feat for a blind mare too. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I.." I started speaking but didn't know what else to say. Did I? Should I share something like that with a complete stranger? I guess that's the best kind of person to share that with when I think about it. "I'm just struggling with something I guess."
"Hmm?" She made what I could only describe as a polite humming sound, something to let me know I could go on without fear.
"This job I've taken up." I began, "I don't know if I'm up to it."
"Then why did you take it?"
"Because I didn't really have another choice." She nodded, once again signaling me to go on. "I didn't come here because I wanted to. You see, I was brought here without my consent and through a chain of events that I'm not at liberty to divulge. I ended up 'shackled' to these mares. I can't go back home because if I do the shackle will only bring me back here, not to mention the fact that no one knows where my home is so I can't exactly walk back there."
"And these mares. Are they the ones who shackled you to them?"
"No, in fact, they have as much choice as I do in this matter. The only difference is that they see this as some sort of blessing or gift. Like it's an honor to be chosen to do this."
"And for you, it's no more than a curse, I see." She finished for me. "And this job, what is it exactly?"
"Keeping them safe," I answered. "But I don't know if I'm the right guy for the job."
"And why not? Whatever entity chose you seems to believe you are the right stallion." Crystal argued. "I understand you are not very willing to trust it, but whatever it is that chose you must have seen something in you."
I chuckled a bit, she couldn't understand how backward this whole situation was. Choosing a thief to be a guardian. A hero.
"I'm not a good guy Crystal, I'm not the kind of person you hire to protect something."
"Then what kind of person are you Janos?"
I almost told her I was the bad guy here. I almost told her I was the kind of person you hire if you want something and don't really care who gets hurt along the way. But for once, I settled for the truth. "I honestly couldn't tell you."
"At least you're honest." Crystal chuckled a bit, opened her mouth to speak but immediately closed it. Then she sat there, pondering something. And I sat beside her doing the same thing.
"It doesn't feel like that's all dear." She finally spoke again.
I was about to speak when the train started moving, the locomotive slowly picked up speed and a voice on the intercom announced: "Next stop: Canterlot City. Next stop: Canterlot City."
"I couldn't-" But I was once again interrupted when a young filly, a teen of sixteen or seventeen years by my guess, stepped in front of us looking rather peeved.
"Grandmother!" She yelled, "Where the hay have you been? I leave you for two minutes and you pick a completely different seat?" The young filly sounded out of breath and a little scared. Seemed like she had been running around the whole day.
"This seat felt better." Her grandmother answered with a sweet smile. "Far Sight, meet Janos." She motioned for me and then for her granddaughter, "This kind young stallion has been keeping this old mare some company."
"Nice to meet you." I forced a smile, but Far Sight didn't seem to notice. She was a pretty young thing, she shared her grandmother's light blue coat but her mane was bright pink giving which served as a nice contrast to her coat. She was unicorn as well and her cutie mark was a crystal ball with a single eye shining inside of it.
"Hi,but" She greeted me, not even bothering to look at me while doing so. "Grandmother you scared me to death! What was I supposed to say to mom if I lost you on the train home?"
"That I was back where I belong." The old mare shot back, "On the road, living my life, not dying on a bed."
"Enough with the drama Grandma!"
Eeyup, that's my cue. "Crystal, thanks a lot for the talk, I needed to get this off my chest, but I think I should be going now." I tried to get up but Crystal held my arm and pushed me down.
"Nonsense dear, you asked for a premonition and while I, myself, cannot give you one. My granddaughter most certainly can." Even if she had so much confidence in her grand-kid, it was pretty clear by the look of sheer terror on Far Sight's face that the young filly did not share her grandmother's feelings.
"Grandma Crystal you know I can't-" But whatever it was she was going to say I will never know. Crystal Ball shushed her granddaughter and told her to sit down next to her, motioning for me to take the seat opposite to them. "You know I don't like to-" The young filly protested, but quickly fell silent.
I don't know if I was afraid to go against the wishes of the old mare or if my curiosity got the better of me, so I obeyed and moved to the other seat.
I got up to let Far Sight sit down and the reality of what she was seeing finally hit her. As I dwarfed her by a couple of heads she stood there gawking at me, "Human, not offended, very far away." I said in a monotone as I picked my rifle off my seat and placed it on my lap.
Crystal chuckled and Far Sight simply shook her head to recover from the shock and sat down obediently. By her change of attitude, I could see she knew there was no use arguing at this point.
"Good.' Crystal praised us, "Now Janos hold my granddaughter's hooves on your own."
I did as she instructed and extended my hands towards the uncomfortable teenager she placed her hooves on my hands and I gave her an apologetic look. This wasn't my idea, I tried to tell her.
"Now Sight, do as I taught you. True premonition comes from within, not from within you but from him. Your talent is to see the paths written on his very magic not chanting nonsense and staring at nothing."
"You telling me my future is written in my magic?" I asked.
"In a way yes."
"You mean fate? My fate is set in stone or magic?"
"Of course not that's ridiculous! Only the path you're on right now." Crystal explained. "That can always change."
"I'm not sure that makes sense."
"Of course it does. How do you think our magic knows what our special talent is? Magic knows you young colt. But it can only know so much. Ultimately the choice is always yours to make. It's not the cutie mark that defines the pony it's the pony that defines the cutie mark. Magic will only tell you what you need to know to make your own choices, in the end, your fate is yours to carve."
That's certainly a different way to look at things. Definitely different than how the books and papers at Twilight's library talked about it. They had a much more fatalist point of view.
"But enough about that, Far Sight needs to focus." Crystal shut me up and proceeded to giver her granddaughter more advice that I could not understand and decided to ignore in order to no have to urge to ask any more questions.
Suddenly the filly's horn began to glow a fain yellow glow. I could feel a heat rising in my chest. A presence looming over my head. Strands of magic left Far Sight's horn and converged at the mark in my hand. They moved around, going up my arm towards my shoulder and down to my hand.
The magic tickled my skin, making my hairs stand up. Then she slowly opened her eyes. And staring at nothing she began to speak.
"I can see a crow, flying, it looks scared, desperate almost as if it's fleeing from something...No! It's chasing something, it's chasing a white dove, she's beautiful." I couldn't believe what I was seeing, Far Sight was no longer standing there in front of me. Instead, there was a light yellow mist, like a cloud of pure energy in the shape of a pony, it's mouth was moving together with Far Sight's voice but it couldn't be her.
I looked at Crystal Ball and she looked the same, a mist of light blue energy holding the shape of the old mare. All around me on the train were the misty representation of the different ponies that were sitting there a minute ago. There was something strange. Something alien to them.
Red, blue, green... All colors and shades standing out against the gray world around them as if they had drained the color from it. Some of the unicorns I could see had strands of magic leaving their horns, connected to objects or other ponies. One of the ponies even had a different colored mist mixed up with the main shade where her bellies were supposed to be, she was a mare and she was rubbing her stomach in a tender loving manner. Something was off.
I turned back to Far Sight and her eyes were now the brightest thing I had ever seen. Like two lighthouses focused on me, seeing through me. Those were not the eyes of a pony.
"They are flying in a dense and dark forest full of thorns and vines that try to grab and slash at them. The dove is flying gracefully through it all, as if she doesn't even notice the danger, but every time the vines get close to her, the crow throws himself at it, clawing and pecking the attacker with all his might. He is fending them off, but every time he defends the dove he acquires a new wound."
Holy shit. This is isn't happening. What are these things? These are no ponies. Where are the ponies?
"They are flying up now, towards the sun. But the trees don't want to let them go, they close in trying o catch them in their branches but the dove is too nimble for their clumsy efforts and the crow too fierce and wild for them to hold. So they break the tree line and greet the sun but while it's light feels warm and gentle to the dove, the crow burns under it. The sun forces the crow back down into the forest but he doesn't give up, he keeps trying to follow the dove. But the crow is too weak, his wounds weigh him down and the light is too powerful."
"He falls to the trees, to the darkness below." They took the ponies.
The light from her eyes vanishes and the thing that looks like Far Sight looks at me confused. "Mister?" She says. "Are you alright?"
"First timers..." The creature with Crystal Ball's voice says, shaking her head.
"I... I got to go." I clumsily get up, clutching my rifle close to my chest. I hear the two ponies getting up behind me and following me, yelling at me to sit down and drink something. I didn't even see the tea being served.
At that moment nothing mattered, the world was going insane around. the mist ponies were closing in on me. They wanted me to believe they were real ponies. But they couldn't be, ponies were made of fur and flesh, not mist and gas. One of them, a red big one, tried to hold me down. I punched him in the throat and he fell to the ground, another one took his place by grabbing my arm, I twisted his leg until I heard the crack of broken bone and let him go.
The one with a mist of a different color in her stomach was cowering in a corner, clutching her belly desperately. It almost fooled me.
"Who else wants to have a go at me?!' I shouted angrily to the crowd ahead of me. They all stopped dead in their tracks. "That's what I fucking thought!"
"Janos calm down." The thing pretending to be Crystal pleaded, standing in my way. "You're not thinking straight."
"You come to a step closer and I blow your fucking brains out!" I threatened the creature, pointing my rifle at its head. "Stay the fuck away from me! All of you! Whoever you are! I don't know what you want but you are not getting it, you fuckers!"
"Somepony get the Princess." One of them yelled. They wanted Twilight. They wanted the elements.
I leaped at the first pony to make move towards the door, but never managed to reach him
Dozens of strands rose from the group of fog ponies. They were made of the same mist-like substance, the fake ponies were composed off. They grabbed me, ripped the rifle from my hands. I pulled the trigger by instinct but the safety was on. Stupid! Always check the safety, independent of whether or not you intend to fire your gun.
Their fog chains wrapped around my arms and waist. One was on my leg and forced me to kneel, another grabbed my neck, trying to render me helpless. The ones on my arms pulled them away from me, extending my arms beside me. they had gotten me.
I could feel them. Snaking their way across my arms and legs, tightening around my throat. They are too close to me. Too fucking close to me! I can feel the heat coming from their bodies. I can feel the power dancing inside the mist and fog that they were made of. There was so much of it. Right there.
Right in front of me, taunting me. I felt like I could simply reach out and take it. Use it against them. Give them a taste of their own medicine.
But before I could make another move, the crowd between me and the door parted in the middle. In the end of the corridor stood six new fog ponies. And I knew I had failed. They had taken the elements from me.
A magenta fog pony, a pink one, a blue one, an orange one, a red one and a purple one. They had gotten to them. To the elements. My responsibility. I had failed again, just like I failed her, my only family.
I couldn't take it, the grief, the pain, the pounding of drums inside my head. The strands of fire tightening around my neck and arms. I yelled.
I howled in pain and anger.
"Janos?!" The pink impostor stepped forward, she looked like Fluttershy. But I knew she wasn't her. "Janos whats going on?" It asked me.
"Stay away." I could only muster enough strength to whisper.
"Janos please tell us what's going on." The one pretending to be Twilight asked me.
"He doesn't know Your Highness." The fake Crystal explained. "He couldn't tell you even if he wanted."
"My guess is he isn't recognizing us." It continued.
"Let me cast a basic diagnostic spell. Hopefully, I'll see what's wrong." The Twilight pretender said. "Fluttershy step away, we don't know what he's capable off right now."
The fake Fluttershy was good. Almost made me believe she felt sorry for me, almost made me believe that the moment of hesitation before stepping away was anything but a lie.
I had to get out. I had to free myself. The magenta strand was creeping closer and closer to me. I knew that was no diagnostic spell. That thing was death.
So I followed my instincts. I reached out to the strands of fog that were holding me down. I let them in. I took them for my own. The power in them rushed inside me. I had never felt so good in my entire life. I had never felt so powerful.
Shocked, the fog ponies that were holding me down let go of me. But I had taken enough. With a flick of my wrist, the fog ponies surrounding me have pushed away with a blast of hot air. But the ones pretending to be the elements protected themselves inside a shield of magenta mist.
The pretender shot her strand of magic at me again, this time much faster. But not fast enough.
I swiftly caught the strand inches away from my chest. "You think you can fuck me like that?! You think you can take the elements and I would just stand here and watch? You think you can kill me you fucking phonies fucks?!" I yelled and screamed. Rage was burning in my chest. A thirst for power was rising in my stomach and I had just gotten hold of the biggest source of it in the train. I began to drain the bastard. I would suck every last bit of magic out of them until they told me what happened to the elements.
The magenta one fell to her knees, and her 'friends' rushed to his aid. I laughed.
"Let's see how you manage without-"
A flash of red. What felt like a truck hit me in the chest. I fell to the ground and then nothing.
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The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 9 - On the nature of magic and it's human applications.
Author's Note
Fair warning.
Chapter 9 - On the nature of magic and it's human applications.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 9 - On the nature of magic and it's human applications.
Nothing I hate more than waking up with someone watching me. It's just plain weird you know? What kind of sick bastard just stands there watching someone else sleep? If you're waiting for me to wake then for fuck's sake just wake me up already, it might be a bit annoying to be woken up before I get my sleep, but it's better than feeling violated right after I wake up.
Anyway, I'm saying this because I woke up that evening being watched by not just one, but two ponies. Luna and Celestia were standing on opposite sides of the room, eyes glued to my sleeping figure. At least have the decency to be doing something else, like a reading a book or something else.
I sat up on my bed rubbing my eyes, noticing my shirt was gone, at least they had the decency to keep my pants on. Both princesses stood their ground, watching me silently, almost made me question whether or not they were actually there. Actual people don't stand so still like that.
The room was a regal thing indeed. Reminded me of those fancy European hotels. Marble floors, spacious and fine furniture everywhere. It was quite clear I was in some guest room at Canterlot Castle.
I stared at one princess and then to the other, but still, they kept their silence. Staring at me like I just murdered someone in cold blood. "I'm not going to bite you know," I said once the silent game wore off its novelty. "Unless you're into that I mean," I added with a smirk.
"Good, you're back to normal," Luna said with a sigh of relief. "I was worried it didn't work."
I raised an eyebrow. Back to normal? Didn't work? What the hell was she talking about?
"You don't remember?" She asked again, noticing my confusion. "Not even our discussion?"
"I just woke up Princess. We didn't discuss nothing." I answered.
"You mean you don't remember anything about the train ride here? Or the dream you just woke up from?" Celestia stepped into the conversation. "You said he would remember." She asked her sister.
"I said he should," Luna answered. "I don't have a lot of experience with human dreams sister. His mind could be trying to protect him"
What? What the hell is going on here? What do my dreams have to do with this?
"I'll explain everything Janos." Celestia spoke with a obviously rehearsed motherly voice, no doubt meant to sound calming and soothing. It only worried me further. "In the ride to Canterlot you experienced a mental breakdown caused by an intense magical overload. You had your very first contact with your own magical core which caused an adverse reaction on your psyche. You lost control of your own emotion when your inner magical potential surpassed a certain threshold." She paused a little to let it all sink in before continuing. "You're fine now though, Luna and I manage to contain it."
"Celestia, I don't even know what 'it' is."
"Sister, allow me." Luna approached the bed carrying a couple of files with her magic. She sat by the bed and opened the files dropping a piece of paper next to me. She motioned for me to pick it up and I did, the paper was one of the first tests Twilight and Doctor Horse had performed on me, it was supposed to check if I had any magical potential inside me. Unsurprisingly the graph on these results showed only a vestigial amount of magic that was believed to be just the environmental magic of Equestria rubbing off on me. "That is your magical potential on the first few days here." She explained, then she dropped another couple of papers with the very same graph on it on the bed. "It remained relatively constant during these two weeks. This are the results of the same test that was performed only an hour ago."
This time, the graph was much different. Instead of the line being very close to the zero mark with only a few highs and lows that barely reached the one mark, this time, it was full of peaks and valleys, much like an electrocardiogram.
"I don't get it, what happened?"
"Do you remember a young filly by the name of Far Sight?" Celestia asked me.
"Yes, kinda," I remembered the name, but I couldn't quite remember what she looked like. Every time I tried was like trying to remember a dream, you can almost grasp it but the details escape your reach, all you can recall is a vague impression of the dream itself.
"She is an apprentice clairvoyant, and on the way here she attempted to see your future." The princess continued. "A spell like that works by connecting your magical essence, your core, with the magical essence of the caster. This caster then uses that connection to see into your 'future'."
"You're joking right?" I asked her, interrupting the Princess who really didn't like that.
"Let me finish." She scolded me. "Everypony has a cutie mark, that cutie mark, and the special talent it represents, is decided on the moment the fetus is infused with magic. That means that to a degree our magical cores do contain some sort of mechanism that allows our magic to 'see our future'. Some ponies believe that by looking into it, they can see it as well."
"Fine," I said, deciding this wasn't the moment to have a philosophical discussion on fate. "But what does that have to do with anything?"
Celestia scowled at my interruption again but continued without addressing it, "When your core and hers connected you absorbed some of her magic when that happened you apparently woke up to your own magical abilities."
"I can do magic?"
"Apparently you can. The vestigial magic we thought was just the environment interfering with our tests was actually your own magic. It was just too little to have any use other than keep you alive and well."
"Are you serious?" I asked, not knowing if I should laugh or take them seriously. "You are! You actually think I can do magic!"
Their dead serious expressions were too much for me, I burst out laughing on the spot. To the princesses credit, they did take it rather well, they sat there and took it all like big girls, patiently waiting for me to finish laughing my ass off.
Then Celestia got fed off. Her horn was enveloped in a dense yellow mist and suddenly my world got turned upside down. The room turned a dark grey, getting even darker than it already was with only the moonlight shining through the closed curtains. My eyes followed the strand of yellow fog that was touching my forehead and saw that the ponies in front of me vanished. Instead, in their place, stood two creatures made of something akin to smoke or mist. Two 'ghosts', one made of a yellow mist like substance much like the one that had appeared around Celestia's horn, and another made of a dark blue 'mist'. They were radiating with heat, even sitting here I could feel the warm glow emanating from them both. "Do you believe me now?" The yellow one spoke in Celestia's voice, and I understood it all. Those were Celestia and Luna, that wasn't mist or fog or smoke. That was magic.
And I could see it. I could touch it as I proved by wrapping my fingers around the tendril of magic leaving Celestia's horn that was touching my forehead. I flinched at how hot it felt and let go with a yelp.
Celestia pulled her magic away from my touch and my vision returned to normal. But my senses didn't. I could still feel the warm glow radiating from the two princesses. "That's what happened on the train. Do you remember now?" Celestia asked me.
And suddenly I did. The memories came flooding into my head. The premonition by Far Sight, the mist ponies surrounding me. The panic I felt, the unrestrained fear gripping me. The anger and rage when I convinced myself the creatures were going for the girls.
"God," I mumbled. What had I done? I hurt those people and had I remembered to switch the safety off I could have killed someone. This isn't right if the Old man knew I let my emotions get the better of me like that he would kick my ass for being so careless.
"Don't worry, with the exception of a retired guard, nopony was seriously hurt" Luna tried to comfort me, but all I heard was: 'Hey you kicked some old dude's ass kid! Proud of yourself?'
"Can you do me a favor?" I turned to Celestia who seemed surprised at the sudden request.
"Of course." She answered, smiling warmly. "I'd do anything in my power."
"I want to cover the expenses of everyone I hurt back there, just take their hospital bills off my pay."
"You don't have to worry about that Janos, I'm seeing to it that they are well-taken care off, personally." She said.
"Are you the one that attacked them for no reason?" I asked, rather angrily. She stared me down for a few seconds, but when she saw I wouldn't be talked out of it, she accepted.
"Very well. Do you want me to let them know you are covering their bills?"
"Thanks but there is no need." I refused, politely this time. "Are the girls ok? I remember doing something to Twilight"
"Twilight is a little shaken up, but they are fine." Luna answered me. "They are waiting for you in the other room."
"Good, so I can detect magic is that what you're saying?" I brought the conversation back on topic, though there was still a lot they hadn't told me, like why I lost it like that back in the train, it was better to take this step by step. I would try to wrap my head around this whole magic thing, then I could move on to other questions.
"Yes, you can quite literally see the magic," Luna spoke.
"Doesn't everyone do that? I mean, I could see your horns glowing when you use magic even before this whole thing at the train."
"That's true, but there's a difference." She answered, "Magic in its inert state can't usually be seen, it is only when it becomes active that it produces light. You can see the inert magic contained inside of a pony as well as interact with it."
"Like I did with Twilight's magic?" I don't want to even think about that. I wanted to kill her for god's sake!
"Yes, you managed to stop her spell and absorb the magic she was using. Even our best mages find that to be quite a feat to achieve." Celestia said, she sounded impressed and even glad about it but her face was having trouble agreeing with her mouth. She was worried, she wasn't sure whether or not I was going to be a liability or an asset.
"So I'm one of a kind?"
"No, there was another who could perform such feats as naturally as you, he was even better at in fact. Though I'm fairly sure he wasn't able to detect magic as well as you do." She answered. "He was a great threat to Equestria and were it not for his brother's change of heart, we might not have been able to stop him in time."
Yup. She was definitely worried about this. Rightfully too, I'm a completely neutral party, soon as the contract ends and I'm on my own, she will have no idea what I'll do with this ability of mine, and if that guy proved to be such a thorn in her side then I could be just as big of a problem.
"But that's in the past sister, Tirek will not be returning anytime soon. Luckily he will never trouble us again." Dude still alive? By the look on Celestia's face when Luna mentioned his name I would expect her to have sent this dude on a one-way trip to the sun. Though, judging by what Twilight told me, Celestia has a tendency to take pity on her enemies.
"Ok." I tried to steer the conversation away from this Tirek dude. The less Celestia associates me with him the better for my good being. "So I can see and feel the inert magic and absorb it through direct contact." I summed up what we had discussed so far. "Now that I've got all this magic in me, what can I do with it?"
Both sisters shared a look before Luna turned back to me. "We don't know, the only way to find out is through trial and error. Though by what we've seen on the train you can at least manipulate it in a similar manner to a unicorn. You did manage to release a telekinetic blast."
Yeah, gonna have to be careful with that. Don't want to have another accident.
Which reminds me... "You still haven't explained why I lost my head back there."
"That is quite simple." Celestia answered me. "You are not used to having so much magic stored in you, much less interacting with your body and mind. You see, magic is a deeply emotional thing, ruled by feelings and instincts." Lecture time apparently, this whole thing sounds rehearsed now, maybe that's what she was doing while I slept. " A newborn, for instance, that haven't yet had the time to deal with his own magic is prone to magic burst much alike the one you experienced, as he grows up his own mind creates a, let's say wall, between his magic and emotions in order to prevent one from bleeding into the other. It is only when the pony matures enough that he learns to break down that wall and control his magic on his own. You did not have that chance to get used to it."
"So my emotions got mixed up with my magic? When I got confused by what was going on the magic I had absorbed started to interact with my emotions of fear and anger and exacerbated them?" I deduced by what she was getting at.
"Precisely," Celestia confirmed, looking quite pleased I caught up on that and saved her the time.
"That sounds dangerous, what happens when a powerful unicorn lets his guard down?" Celestia apparently didn't take my question quite that seriously. She giggled suddenly, completely out of the blue, and had to take a deep breath to calm down again.
"You mean like Twilight used to lose control when she was young?" She asked me, obviously not expecting a response. "Let me tell you a little story. When Twilight applied to the Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns-" I couldn't help but picture a bald Celestia on a wheel chair directing a young group of students on how to best use their powers for the good of all. "- she got so nervous her magic spiraled out of control. Her exam consisted of hatching a dragon's egg, Spike's to be exact, with a strong magical surge, she ended up not only hatching the egg, but turning Spike into a full grown dragon with the mind of a newborn and turning her parents and examiner into potted plants. Took me hours to fix all the damage."
Jesus lady! That's not funny! That's horrifying! What the hell is wrong with you?!
The kid turned her parents into a pair of freaking ficus plants! It's a wonder that kid didn't grow up with serious issues. Oh no wait a second, maybe that explains her control obsession... You know what? That explain plenty.
"Oh shush! It sounds much worse than it was." She waved me off. Ignoring my horrified expression and her sister's eye roll. "To this day Twilight experiences some issues with her magic when her emotions get the better of her, it's quite a common thing for ponies like her."
"So this happens to you two too?" I asked. Apparently, neither of them expected that question since they were both left momentarily at a loss for words. "I mean, my memories of the 'incident' are still hazy and all, but I can easily tell you two are way more powerful than any pony I've met."
Celestia stopped and thought about my questions, what she was thinking about was beyond me. That mare can really hide her thoughts when she wants to. Luna, on the other hand, was having a harder time looking neutral, she was blushing heavily and avoiding my gaze. Seems my question brought forth some pretty awkward memories.
"We are over a thousand years old Janos." Celestia finally answered me. "After so long, you tend to learn to deal with these things."
"Fine forget I asked. Not my business anyway." I shrugged it off and continued. "Apart from the obvious, which would be training and hard work, how do we make sure I don't lose my cool again?"
Luna cleared her throat and answered me. "For now we will have to simulate the natural defenses a young colt or filly's brains have set up in their minds." She levitated what looked like to be a pendant and handed it to me. "This is a magic suppressor." The pendant was made of a small, dark blue, disc-shaped stone adorned with plenty of runes I couldn't recognize arranged in concentric circles with one bigger rune that looked a lot like an 'R' in the center. "I inscribed it myself, to make sure there will be no further incidents." Luna mentioned, looking rather proud of herself.
"Looks very nice." I decided to massage her ego a little bit, besides it does look very pretty. "This won't mess with my mind right?" I asked, a little concerned about what they said about mental barriers.
"Not at all, it will just block your magic from leaving its inert state. I attuned it to your magical signature so it should only work on you." Luna explained, somewhat putting my mind at ease. "It will also provide you with a small protection against magic, though any spell stronger than a simple telekinetic blast should get through it, so don't rely on this talisman too much."
"Wait, if it's attuned to my magical signature then what about the magic I took from other ponies that's already inside me?"
"That magic is quickly adapted to you." She explained, "For all intents and purposes it's all 'Janos magic' now. Part of the absorption process we believe since there is no trace of Twilight's signature on you."
"How many tests did you people run on me while I slept?" I asked them, quite surprised at how much they knew about this whole ordeal already. "How much time did I sleep anyway?"
"Five tests and you slept for three hours since you arrived." Celestia answered, "We are still awaiting the results of three of those tests by the way."
"You'll have to tell me more about it later," I told her, getting up from the bed and stretching my back. "C'mon, unless you two got anything more to discuss with me, I say we go meet the girls. I got some apologizing to do." I put on Luna's little trinket and began searching for a shirt to wear. "Where the hell is my shirt?"
"You should rest Janos, your body's been under a lot of stress you shouldn't be up and about." Celestia stood between me and the door, motioning for me to go back to bed.
"I feel fine, besides I got rest enough already." I pushed past her and kept searching for something to wear, as well as my boots which I just noticed were missing.
"Your clothes are in your room with the girls. you can get dressed there," Luna spoke, moving towards the door. "Celestia you know as well as I do he won't go back to bed, let's save ourselves some time and just move on with our business."
"Luna, you can't possibly be thinking of going through with this assignment!" Celestia gasped in surprise, rushing to the door, putting herself between her sister and the exit.
"And why not?" Luna replied, "As long as he keeps the talisman on he will have no more trouble and an Agent of the Crown is supposed to be capable of enduring much worse than that." She argued. "Not to mention the fact that the ponies of Ore Valley are in desperate need of help."
"The guards you sent are more than capable of handling it," Celestia argued back, but she couldn't change her sister's mind.
"All the more reason he should have no trouble fulfilling this assignment." The night Princess said, looking very pleased with herself. She cantered on to the door and unlocked it. "Come along Janos, we have much to discuss."
"Luna I cannot allow this," Celestia said with a stern face. She put her hoof down in an attempt to intimidate her sister. But intimidated she was not, in fact, Luna looked pissed.
"Do I need to remind you sister that as of yesterday this human has been placed under my command?" Luna walked slowly but with confidence until she was standing just a couple of inches away from her sister.
"That may be, but it will matter none if your agent dies on the field, sister," Celestia replied staring down her sister. "I may have agreed to let you take care of this, but I will not sit idly by while you make poor decisions."
"Don't lecture me, Celestia!" Luna snapped. "I can take care of this on my own! This is an important matter that has passed unnoticed by you and your guard, so before you scold for my poor decision-making skills perhaps you would like to reevaluate your own performance when you've let one of our settlements go by, completely unaided for so long!"
She managed to shut Celestia up with this, and for a moment both of them just stood there staring each other down. I was glad to be standing a good distance away from them, even from a good six or so feet away I could feel the heat emanating from them both. Guess they are not as proficient at keeping their emotions in check as they claimed to be.
"Very well." Celestia finally stood down, pushing past her sister and walking away. "Since you are so capable dear sister, I will return to my quarters and let you take care of business. It is night after all." With this Celestia left the room and accompanied by a couple of guards left me and Luna to ourselves.
We stood in silence for a couple of moments, as I let Luna cool down a bit. She motioned for the hallway and I took my cue to leave alongside the Princess. We left the room and I let her lead me to our destination as we were escorted by a couple of guards wearing dark armor, who followed us while keeping some distance. After some time walking in silence Luna spoke up. "I'm sorry you had to witness that Janos." She said. "We sometimes tend to lose our calm with Celestia. She just can't seem to understand We are perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves without her help!"
"Don't worry about it, Princess," I said trying to get her calm down. "I know exactly what you're talking about. My sister and I were the same way." Though the roles were reversed with Carol and me.
"You have a sister?" She asked me, caught by surprise at my sudden revelation.
"What? Your sources didn't tell you about that?" I joked around. Maybe she would respond well to some lighthearted humor.
She chuckled softly, finally seeming to cool off a bit. This is all so strange, I can feel the heat receding into her as her anger dies off. "You got us there-" She stopped herself suddenly as if catching up on a bad habit. "I'm sorry. You caught me there." Luna corrected herself. "Sometimes I slip back into my old ways. But tell me more about your sister, you must miss her dearly." Luna almost seemed to open up a little at the prospect of having something in common with me.
"Maybe some other day." I avoided the request and brought the situation back into safe territory. "What's this assignment you were talking about?"
She apologized and reverted back to her old self. Maybe I was too rude there? "Yes, the assignment." She said, buying some time while she gathered her thoughts. "One of our border settlements to the south are being harassed by a clan of Diamond Dogs. They are destroying their crops and attacking any merchant caravan that gets close to the village, any traveler really." Diamond Dogs huh? From what I read they are big, dumb and possess almost no magic whatsoever. Usually keeping to themselves, only rarely coming in contact with pony society, usually to steal caravans carrying gems and such. Apparently, there is nothing they love more than shiny stones.
"Diamond Dogs? Sounds a little under my league don't you think?" Don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to be cocky here. But when Rarity defeats a whole pack of these guys simply by whining really hard, then I wager I wouldn't have a lot of trouble with them.
"True, usually I wouldn't send you on such a feeble matter." Luna agreed. "However, there is something strange going on with this assignment." She paused to allow me the chance to ask any questions but I just motioned for her to continue. "Apparently this has been going on for a long time now and any attempt to notify the guards about it has been completely ignored. I addition this is some very abnormal behavior for diamond dogs, they usually stay away from pony lands unless absolutely necessary. Especially when Ore Valley contains no gemstone mines, they mine Mithril, one of the most recent mithril ore deposits discovered on the Equestrian soil."
Yes, diamond dogs don't really care for metals and such. In fact, most of them can't even work the most basic of metals, usually, they just steal that stuff. "So you think they are actually working for someone?" I asked her. "Since someone is clearly covering it up so that you and Celestia don't hear about it, and they wouldn't really know what to do with a mithril mine if they were handed one?"
Just as I was about to question whether or not we should be talking about this in the open I realized we were not, in fact, in the open. The hallways were completely empty, and judging by how calm Luna was about this then that must precisely how she ordered it to be.
"Yes. I'm afraid somepony else is pulling the strings here." Luna said, confirming my suspicions. "I want you to go there, arrest this troublesome clan and look for evidence that they are working for somepony else. If possible bring me the whole clan, though the leader would suffice."
"How much are we talking about?" I asked her.
"Two hundred and fifty now and two hundred and fifty upon your return."
"Deal, who will be watching the girls while I'm gone?"
"The specialized undercover squad you'll be put in charge of will take good care of that." She reassured me, "Unlike those incompetents that my sister had previously assigned to watch them, these ponies are more than capable of keeping them safe."
She then stopped in front of a double sided door and turned to face me. "I trust you will keep my suspicions to yourself?"
"Take it to my grave, Princess," I assured her, zipping my mouth shut.
"Good, you will leave tomorrow evening." Luna continued, pleased with my answer. "For now, rest and spend some time with your friends. Tomorrow I will have someone deliver you some files and dossiers that you may find useful."
"Sure, I'll take a good look at them."
"And remember Janos, keep the talisman on you at all times. When you get back we will talk about finding somepony to teach you to control your powers safely."
She stepped back and motioned for the door before saying goodnight and leaving to take care of her other duties accompanied by her guards who saluted me before walking away. Guess they respect me a bit more than I thought they would.
I took a deep breath and prepared myself for meeting the girls after what had been no doubt a good scare. I placed my hands on the handles of the door and pushed them open.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 10 - Dancing and trespassing.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Interlude 2 - The small fry.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Interlude 2 - The small fry.
It would be an understatement to say that Crafty Spark's life had not turned the way he hoped it would. When he was a child he envisioned many futures for himself. He dreamed of being an adventurer, travelling through all sorts of dangerous places in search of riches and glory, or perhaps he would become a powerful mage, unveiling the secrets of the universe and inventing amazing spells just like Starswirl the Bearded. Or maybe he would grow up to become one of the most renowned soldiers in the Royal Guard, putting his life on the line for the sake of his fellow ponies.
But laying there, in a dirty cot on a dungeon cell it was very clear which direction his life took. Spark's dreams did not last long, very soon he realized those kind of lives are reserved to very few ponies, usually those who are extremely wealthy or those who are extremely talented, and Crafty Spark was none of those. He came from a family of nobodies and, unless he did something about it, he would go on to be a nobody.
So he made some choices, and those choices led him down a particular kind of path. The kind that once you start walking, stopping becomes very dangerous.
But none of that mattered now he supposed. He was in jail, and not just any jail for that matter, his refusal to cooperated had landed in one of the most secure jails of Equestria. Located inside Canterlot Mountain itself, The Hollows, as the people called it, has housed the most despicable and most dangerous criminals in Equestrian history.
Today it was mostly empty, it had been nearly a century since Equestria saw a pony evil enough to find himself sent to this place. As was expected from a country going through such a prosperous time. The ponies of Equestria have been at peace for nearly a thousand years now, though some may argue that such this golden age will soon come to an end, considering the changeling attack on Canterlot some months ago.
And now here he was, rotting away in a dark cold cell with only the rats and his own thoughts to keep him company. At least he figured he would be safe from his old employer. That minotaur may be tough but nopony would be able to get through the security in this glorified cave.
Unfortunately for Crafty Spark he would soon be proved wrong. As he laid there attempting, and failing, to fall asleep a the faint sound of what seemed to be hoofsteps reached his ears. Despite being used to hearing the guards moving about frequently, he was intrigued by these particular steps.
They were definitely the sounds of somepony making his way towards his cell, but they were strange, didn't sound quite like a hoof hitting hard stone as he was used to hearing, these steps were softer as if the pony coming closer was wearing some kind of soft material on his hooves, thus muffling the sound of his hooves. There was also the fact that the guards would usually casually stroll around. This pony was running, as if he had some urgent business to take care off. They could be the result of some guard running to deliver some report to a superior or perhaps some sort of emergency was taking place.
But then, he wondered, why would a guard go through the trouble of muffling his steps? As Crafty Spark realized what was happening all vestige of sleep left his body. He was immediately jolted awake, quickly turning his head to the solid steel door of his cell door. Apparently somepony can get through the security of this place, and whoever that crazy pony is he was coming for Crafty.
But before the panicking unicorn could think of a plan or even yell for help, he noticed the halls were silent once again. Crafty held in his breath in anticipation. Was he just imagining things? Or perhaps he was just overreacting, and the intruder was merely a guard after all. Yes! Nothing is wrong here, this is just his nerves getting the better of him.
As Crafty Spark sighed in relief he heard something that got the fur on the back of his neck standing up. The sound of somepony unlocking his cell door.
As the door slowly opened, he began to back away until he stumbled on his cot and fell on his rump. And as the door opened Crafty saw the intruder casually enter his cell. If he hadn't seen this creature before he would think the solitude finally drove him mad. Before him, now locking the door behind him while whistling cheerfully, stood a tall creature, at first glance anypony would mistake him for a minotaur, but the lack of horns and his strange lower limbs made it impossible for him to be one.
The intruder turned around to face Crafty, his face obscured under a hood but Spark knew that was the same creature that attacked him in Canterlot, the same one who got him and his partner in this mess and almost tore off Crafty's leg with his strange weapon in the process. "Well." The creature finally spoke, breaking the silence that had begun to set in. "At least I'm not interrupting your sleep." His deep voice echoed through the cell stone walls.
Crafty Spark had no words left, his mouth left agape he stared at his 'guest' in disbelief while a million questions ran through his mind. Who was this creature? What was this creature? What did he want with Crafty? Was he here to finish the job? Or was this the Princess's newest attempt to coerce Crafty into talking?
"Hey!" The creature called out to him, waving a hand in front of Crafty's eyes. The unicorn flinched and recoiled as he found the creature standing so close to him. "Celestia didn't whack you in the head too hard did she? Everybody knows you're not supposed to go for the head, only confuses and disorients the victim."
"P-Please don't hur- hurt me." Crafty managed to croak out, stuttering.
The creature only laughed at his pleads. "Relax dude, I'm not here for that." He said, still sounding very amused at Crafty's behavior. He then lowered his hood, allowing the unicorn to see his face. There was no mistaking it, that was the same creature. The dark mane, the facial scar. With the exception of the white beard he looked exactly like Spark remembered. "Take it you remember me?" The creature asked eliciting a small nod from Spark.
The creature then backed away from the quivering unicorn and sat down against the door. Spark noticed he had a knife strapped to his leg. "Name's Janos, and in case you're wondering I'm a human." He said.
Crafty Spark calmed down a bit as the intruder gave him some space. He took a few deep breaths and introduced himself, choosing to play along and avoiding angering the creature. "Crafty Spark." He spoke, his voice cracking.
"I know." Janos told him. "Read your file Sparky." The intruder continued. "Robbery, smuggling, shaking down businesses. Might be just light stuff but you been busy huh?"
Crafty just stared at this human, unsure of where he was going with this.
"And now you got stalking a princess to add to the list, or whatever the technical term for that is. What got my attention though was the fact that in all these crimes, you were always working for someone. You were never the brains, always the brawn." The human continued speaking, after Crafty failed to answer his question. "So my question is." Janos crossed his legs, inching his face forward to stare the unicorn in his eyes. The milky eye and that facial scar making him look that much more intimidating in the dark. "Why would such a small fry like you want to keep tabs on Princess Twilight?"
So the Princess had sent him! Crafty Spark breathed another sigh of relief. Princess Celestia would never allow one of her ponies to torture a prisoner. Crafty knew for a fact that information gathered this way wouldn't count for towards an investigation. He was safe, at least for now.
"You're not out of the fire Sparky." The human's casual tone suddenly turned dark, taking away any illusion of safety from Crafty Spark's mind. "I may be working for the princesses but you can rest assured I don't play by their rules."
"But you said-" Crafty instinctively tried to argue back but was quickly interrupted by the human.
"I'm not here to hurt you, I'm here to get information." Janos said, "But I'll have no problem breaking a couple of bones to get what I want if you don't cooperate. Celestia doesn't even know I'm here and I made sure the guards aren't going to bother us, so you can be sure no one's coming to save you Sparky."
Crafty's eyes shrunk to pinpricks. This was it, the end of the road. Tortured to death by a strange creature in a dark dungeon cell. Or he could talk, but what difference would that make? The minotaur would have him killed the minute he stepped hooves beyond the castle walls.
"Lemme show you something." The human grinned darkly, glanced down on his lap and carefully removed his knife from it's scabbard. "See this?" He lifted the knife so Crafty could see it. It was a small thing, the blade was hardly any bigger than the handle. But the blade had a strange shape, it was a little more curved than the usual knife and the tip had a small hook like shape. "This is a skinning knife." The human explained, "Hunters use it to strip the skin off of their preys."
Crafty Spark swallowed nervously, he really did not like where this was going.
"And I very skilled with one of these." Janos continued. "So why don't we make this easier on the both of us and behave like civilized people?"
Crafty opened his mouth to speak, but felt it suddenly too dry to talk. He closed it again and began looking around the room in a panic, trying desperately to find some way out of this situation. But the human quickly convinced him to remain still and quiet.
"Don't even think about it Sparky." The human warned him. "You try anything funny and you'll find me to be a lot more violent than usual. Now I hate unnecessary violence so I'm giving you the chance to keep those pearly white teeth of yours. Question is... Will you take that chance?"
Crafty didn't waste a second. "No no! No need for that!" He said. "No violence."
"Good." The human returned to his casual and carefree self in a heartbeat. "So, who hired you to follow Princess Twilight?"
What could he say? There was only one thing he could say that could keep this human from skinning him alive and that minotaur from keeping true to his threats. "I don't know." Crafty quickly replied. "He never showed up, I just got letters and intermediaries."
"Bull." The human stood up and slowly approached the quivering unicorn. "Shit." He dropped down on his knees, with his face inches away from Crafty. He tried to look away but the human forcefully grabbed the unicorn's muzzle and forced him to look in his eyes.
There was no anger in those eyes, nor was there kindness. There was nothing in the human's eyes, as if this had become merely routine for him, as if he had done this sort of thing so often he was now completely desensitized from it. He found no joy in it but he found no aversion either. It was a part of his job, a part of his life now. He would get the information he wanted one way or the other.
"A job like this, no one would rely on letters to hire people to do it." The human spoke slowly, "A job like this would be carried out by people on his own group, he wouldn't leave it to some random small time crook." He then let go of the unicorn and stood up, looking down on Crafty with his knife dancing between his fingers. "So either you reported directly to the head crook or to one of his lieutenants. Which was it?"
Crafty tried to speak, ending up only stammering nonsense. He didn't know what to say, how could he satisfy this maniac while not betraying the other maniac? There had to be some way to make it to the end of the month alive. "I- I didn't-" The human swiftly slapped Crafty's face with the back of his hand.
"That's strike two." Janos warned him. "Next time I start breaking bones." He threatened.
As the sting began to spread across his face, Crafty Spark wondered why his life turned out like this? It was only supposed to be a couple of jobs for a local gang leader for pony's sake! How did it go from that to locked up in the Hollows with a creature he never heard of before beating him to the death unless he spilled everything he knew?
This couldn't be happening, the unicorn thought. It just couldn't, it had to be a dream or something, this couldn't be how it ended. This human was just a figment of his imagination or something , this wasn't real, none of it was. He would wake up any moment now back in his dirty old cot, alone and unharmed.
"I'm really running out of patience here Sparky..." The human warned him once again. "If you don't start coughing up some answers this just might get ugly."
"Please." Crafty pleaded. "He'll kill me. You have no idea what they're capable off."
The human took a step back and sat down again, this time in the middle of the room just a short distance away from Crafty Spark. "So you do know who's behind it?"
"No." The unicorn answered, fighting back the tears and sobs. "I got hired by a couple of friends. They said they found this job, real good stuff, good pay and all that." The human nodded and motioned for him to continue. "They said if I did well with this job, I could become part of the gang you know?"
The human nodded again. "Which gang?"
"I just really needed the money dude. You have any idea how many ponies I owe money to?"
"Which gang Sparky?"
"Please don't make me say it, they'll kill me."
"The Princess's will protect you, you don't have to worry about that anymore." The human tried to reassure him, but he only ended up getting a few chuckles out of the terrified unicorn.
"The guard will protect me?" He laughed. "Half the guard's in on it! I'll be dead as soon as they turn around."
"So they do have people in the guard." Janos muttered to himself, he paused to think for a bit and continued his questions. "You know any of these guards?"
"No! Like I said they gave us this job as a test or something, I was never in the gang." Crafty quickly replied, hoping that the human believed him.
"Then how do you know half the guard's in it?"
"They were boasting about it, trying to convince me to take the job." He answered, "I don't even know if it's really half, but they do have people on the inside, I'm sure of it."
"How are you so sure?"
"They wouldn't lie about it. I could find out they were just saying whatever I wanted to hear and bail out, or end up giving them up to the guard as payback."
"Hmm" The human hummed to himself, clearly contemplating whether or not Spark was lying. "Ok then, back to my original question. Who hired you?"
Crafty Spark groaned loudly and cursed to himself. This Janos guy wouldn't back off! "I can't dude, please." He pleaded, desperately trying get this 'stallion' to leave him alone.
"Sparky." Janos called his attention. "I can help you here, but you got to give me something to work with. Celestia won't lift a hoof to help you unless you give us some solid info."
"The Princess will help me?" Crafty asked, with a guarded hope. "The Princess herself? I won't just be sent off to witness protection or something?"
The human nodded, "Yeah, Celestia and Luna herself will see to it that you're safe."
If the Princesses themselves would take care of him then he would be safe right? Those ponies that hired him might be powerful, but nopony is more powerful than the Princesses! Unless, they did have that many ponies in the guard working for them, then could the Princesses really keep him safe for long? All they needed was one pony working for them for Crafty to be done for after all.
"Time's running out Sparky." The human warned him. "This offer won't be up for long."
"Ok, ok." Crafty caved in. "But you have to promise me." He demanded, not looking as confident as he was trying to sound like.
"I promise it." The human assured it. "I'll talk with them myself, you'll be safe."
"Fine." Crafty Spark, took a deep breath, getting more and more anxious at the prospect of going against that monster of a minotaur. "I don't know anything else about their gang, they wouldn't go into details, saying they would tell me more once I joined up." Janos didn't look happy, but allowed the unicorn to continue. "But the guy who hired me was this enormous minotaur. He didn't tell me his name but I did get a good look at him. He was taller than you, by a couple of heads at least, very strong looking too, like he lifted a pony on each arm every morning or something."
"Go on"
The unicorn though hard on the day he met said minotaur. He had no trouble remembering that mountain of meat but he wanted to make sure he left nothing out for this human. If he's going to spill, he might as well go all in. "He had a broken horn, the left one I think. He replaced the broken part with an iron horn. And he had this huge scar on his face, like a manticore clawed his face up. He also had this huge sword on his back, the thing was bigger than me."
"You sure you didn't get a name?"
"I'm sure, please this is all I know." He pleaded. "Ask that pegasus that was with me, they sent him to keep an eye one me."
"Don't worry I will." Janos assured him. "And you better hope your stories line up, because if I find out you're holding out on me, I'll come back here and I won't even bother asking the questions this time. We clear?" The human waved a finger at him for emphasis.
Crafty Spark nodded with enthusiasm this time, bobbing his head up and down faster than somepony probably should. "Crystal Clear!"
"Good. I'll be seeing you Sparky." And with that the human got up, sheathed his knife and turned around to unlock the door. He opened it halfway before looking back at Spark. "And I better not have to come back here."
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 11 - Realization.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 11 - Realization.
By the time I got back to the room, the moon was already hanging low in the sky. After paying Sparky a visit I went straight back to the room. I was hoping to have enough time left to pay his pegasus friend a visit too but turns out getting out of those dungeons was a pain in the backside and I only had time for one visit.
Not that getting in was any easier. After quickly sneaking through the barracks, (Most of the guards inside were asleep, the ones who were supposed to be on duty were too engrossed in a poker game to notice me.) I made my way to the dungeons. The entrance, however, was heavily guarded, two guards standing outside the first massive steel door, then you walk a couple of feet and find another massive steel door, then there is another freaking door and another two guards standing guard inside.
I had to break into the warden's office in the barracks, get the keys and find out where my two friends were being held, then I knocked out the two guards on the outside, dragged them to the warden's office and locked the door. Not my best plan, but that's what you get when you improvise. Then I opened the middle doors, but the inner doors were on a different set of keys from the ones I found, how did I get in? Easy, the idiots left it unlocked. So much for the highest security prison in Equestria. Luna was right, these ponies have gone soft.
Inside, I knocked out the two guards on duty. These ones put up a bit of a fight, but the element of surprise and the fact that these dudes were so tired they might as well have been drunk made things a lot easier. Then I found the guard's lounge, stashed those two in a couple of empty lockers I found and looked around for some keys. Turned out each level of the dungeons had a different set of keys and a separate guard's lounge. Meaning that in order to go down to the fifth level, I’d have to find the guard's lounge on each level, get the keys for that level and then move on. Rinse and repeat until I got to the fifth.
I don't I have to say how much of a pain all that was. In the end, I had to take care of fifteen guards. I didn’t manage to hide them all that well, so by the time I had to leave the ones who were left were already searching the place for me. Luckily for me, I kept the keys for the three entrance doors, so I just locked that down when I left the dungeons and they were unable to follow me.
The barracks, however, was now on high alert. It took well over an hour to get out of that building alone, by the time I made myself scarce the whole castle guard was looking for the intruder who broke into their precious little jail and managed to get out unscathed. Maybe now they'll learn to be more careful.
Getting back to my room was easy, though, by the then word about me had already spread across the guards so I just acted like I was going to make sure the elements were safe and nobody thought to bother me.
So like I was saying, the moon was already hanging low by the time I opened the doors to my room. I knew I would only have a couple of hours of sleep ahead, so I was really looking forward to crashing on that very uncomfortable looking couch in the living room. Fate, however, had other plans.
When I opened the doors to my room I was not greeted by the empty and lavish living room that I was expecting to find. I was greeted by a very angry looking Princess of the Night.
"Janos!" She yelled angrily at me once I stepped through the doors. "Where in the name of our Mother have thy been?!"
Yes, she was slipping into that old dialect of hers. No, that was not good. "Ummm... Taking in the sights?" I answered carefully. There was, of course, no reason to lie anymore, but that happened to be my knee-jerk reaction to stumbling onto a pissed female. Not the best kind of reaction I could have, I've been told.
"Do not insult us with your fables human!" She continued, being a lot noisier than I would have liked, "The Hollows have been broken into by a mystery intruder who evaded all our security measures! And when we rushed back here to enlist your help in this matter we find you to be missing! With no explanation whatsoever as to where you have gone or why!" I tried to get a word in, but the look on her face advised me otherwise. "In addition to that you got rid of the guards stationed outside, let Twilight wander off by herself. Oh no! We apologize." Wow, her speech pattern is just going bonkers now, she must be really mad. "You've let the Element of Magic wander off guarded by a single pony and tricked the second guard into coming inside and stuffing herself with cake!"
My silence, which was a product of my choice to let the Princess vent some aggression, was mistaken for insubordination and only antagonize her further. "Well? Are you going to say something or just stand there like a buffoon?"
"First of all." I began, "Calm down, you're going to wake the girls up." Yes, she was livid now, but it was my turn to speak and she was just going to have to wait. "Second of all, there is nothing to worry about. The intruder was me." Having said that I tossed Luna the sets of keys I had kept on my person. She was so surprised she hardly managed to catch them with her magic before they hit the ground.
Seeing the weird dark blue mist forming around her horn and reaching for the keys still startled me. It was clear I would need a while to get used to that.
"What?!" I don't think I have to say she was exemplifying the epitome of grace and nobility right now. "You? Why on Tartarus would you do such a thing? Janos, you better have a very good explanation for this." Luna threatened me.
"I wanted to have a talk with Crafty Spark." I explained. "Without you and Celestia looking over my shoulder, that is." I continued talking while I moved over to the couch and sat down on it. The whole while paying attention to make sure the girls didn't wake up... Wait a second. "You said you found the sleeping guard in the next room, how come the girls are still sleeping?"
She was still too shaken to answer me though. At first she looked like she was going to go straight back to yelling, but then she sighed in defeat, rubbed her temples with a hoof, and took a few deep breaths to calm down. It actually looked like some kind of breathing exercise really, she would put a hoof on her chest, take a deep breath and slowly release it while extending her hoof in front of her.
"They are not, I sent them to a nearby room with a group of guards to escort them." She answered me. "You've left them all very worried, I believe some apologies are in order."
"Sure." I answered. "I'll get to them, don't worry."
"Now." She approached me and sat down beside me. "Why didn't you simply ask us to talk to the prisoner? We would have gladly allowed you to interrogate him."
"Because I would rather not have this kind of stuff in any official record," I explained, clearly not satisfying the Night Princess. "Also I might have had to employ some... How should I put this? coercive techniques to get him talking? Yeah, let's go with that."
Luna looked at me with surprise and a slight hint of respect. I didn't expect a reaction like that from the Princess, once I told her I was considering beating someone until he told me what I wanted. "You are aware that such methods are illegal in Equestria, are you not?" She asked me. She didn't even sound mad, it seemed to be more of a formality to her than anything. "And that any information acquired through these means are considered invalid in any investigation or trial?"
"Yeah." I answered, "That's why this never happened. No records remember?"
"And what if he talks?"
"Are you kidding me? This dude is terrified of anyone finding out he talked! He's not going to tell a soul about what happened today." She raised an eyebrow, trying to decide whether or not I was right about that. "Besides I didn't end up even touching the guy, I just scared him good and he blabbed about everything."
"Very well." Luna eventually caved in. She knew exposing this would be stupid, our only choice was to keep quiet about this. "But, in the future, keep in mind these actions will not be tolerated by the Crown. Understand?"
"Sure, Princess."
"While I do appreciate your..." Luna seemed to have some trouble finding the right word to describe my insubordination. "Initiative, in the future you will discuss such things with me before hoof."
"Whatever you say boss." I chose to play along, no need to get into a argument with her right now.
"Now. I take it you manage to coax him into talking?"
"Eeyup," I told her everything Crafty Spark told me back in the Hollows, about how there is a whole gang, or organization, behind this. How they have people on the guard working for them and about the minotaur that hired Sparky.
"I'll inform the guard about this minotaur at once." She told me once I finished talking. "Was there anything else?"
"Yes. I promised him the Crown would personally see to it that he would be protected from this 'gang' of his. Not the witness protection program mind you, I'm talking about you and Celestia taking care of this personally." I clarified, to make sure I was being clear.
"Very well, that's fair enough." She asked me, once again raising an eyebrow. "Anything else?"
"Nope, I take it the pegasus wasn't so cooperative?"
"Surprisingly, he was very cooperative." She answered, "He was quick to make a deal for his freedom, sadly he wasn't able to say much in the end."
"Why not?"
"Because as soon as he opened his mouth to speak, his heart stopped beating and he died."
I had to do a double take of that. Not surprisingly considering what I've been told. "Wait. What? His heart just stopped? Just like that?"
"It wasn't a coincidence, Janos. Somepony placed a very dangerous spell on him, obviously, they didn't want any information to get out." Luna cleared up. "Crafty Spark must have been spared because he didn't have any important information to share, not to mention the fact that he never joined this organization, perhaps you did him a favor by apprehending him so soon."
"How come I wasn't told about this?" I asked her, a bit offended they were leaving me out of the loop.
"You would have been, with all the confusion yesterday it slipped my mind. I was going to discuss it with you today. My apologies for not informing you sooner." Luna lowered her head in a respectful manner, I just waved her off and told her not to worry about it, "Oh!" She had begun to turn around in order to leave but suddenly perked up as she remembered something. "One last thing, before I leave to attend to my other duties."
Luna walked up to me and with a polite request, asked me to pull out the talisman she had fashioned for me yesterday. "What's wrong?" I asked her, a bit worried that my day could be sullied with more bad news.
"Just a little something that was brought to my attention." She answered vaguely. I felt some warmth emanating from the princess and saw the dark blue mist of energy converging on her horn. Shortly after her horn began to glow and the mist left her horn, connecting with the talisman. "It occurred to me I could make this trinket a tad more efficient, is all." I heard a hissing sound and noticed Luna's magic was inscribing something else in the talisman. It was like seeing someone write something onto a piece of gemstone with a blow torch. A very precise and intense blow torch.
Luna, herself, was looking extremely focused on her work. Her face was scrunched up into a frown and her tongue was sticking out of her mouth, she looked as if she had forgotten to keep up the regal princess act and let some goofiness slip out. It actually looked kinda of cute.
"There." She proudly declared. "It's obviously not perfect, but I dare you to find any inscriber of the academy that could devise a better set of runes than I!"
"I'll take your word for it Princess." I said, tucking the talisman back inside my shirt. "Anything else you need from me?"
"No, but tell me, what will you tell the elements?" The Princess suddenly asked me. "About your disappearance, I mean?"
"That I saw the commotion and went to see what was going on?" She didn't seem to like that answer, but it's not like there's anything else I could say really. "You know, doing my job. They'll buy it, these mares are surprisingly naive, except Applejack she always looks like she isn't buying my lies, might have to take some care around that one."
"So be it then." She said, leaving this little issue up to me. "I'll go let them know you're here and find the guards you so kindly rendered unconscious for me, make sure they will keep your little visit to the dungeons to themselves." The princess made her way to the balcony and gracefully flapped her wings, taking off. "I'll see you again at breakfast."
"Have fun!" I cheerfully yelled back at her. To which the princess responded by reminding me to meet her and Celestia for breakfast in a couple of hours.
Finding myself alone, I picked up my backpack and headed for the bathroom, a shower was sounding like a very good idea right now, especially considering I wouldn't be getting any sleep today. Stepping into the lavish bathroom I dropped the backpack onto the counter by the sink. I removed my hoodie and t-shirt and let them fall to the ground, by my feet.
I sat on the toilet which had its lid down and proceeded to take my boots and socks off, wiggling my toes around as the cool breeze touched them. Then I got up and took off my pants, leaving only my underwear to cover myself with. As I got ready for a relaxing hot shower to wash off the stress of the day, something caught my attention.
My reflection on the mirror stared back at me. I hadn't realized how badly I had neglected my appearance. My beard was way too big for my taste, especially considering how it clashed with my dark hair. Deciding I definitely needed a shave I began rummaging through the cabinets and drawers looking for a razor.
Honestly I wasn't really expecting to find anything of the sort. I mean, I saw ponies with beards around, apparently stallions do grow beards somehow, but since nobody actually shaved their faces, instead choosing to keep their beards trimmed, I didn't think they would have the same tools as humans did for that aspect of male hygiene.
But surprisingly, I did find a razor. A straight razor, looking brand new and never used before as well as a can of shaving cream, it actually looked like Celestia and Luna had this put here knowing I would need it.
I picked up the can and razor and placed them on the counter. After getting a closer look at the shaving cream I could see it wasn't pony made, the label had a picture of a very manly looking minotaur running a hand through his well-shaven face. "Sitting bull Shaving Cream -- For the real MANotaur!" I read out loud, having a small chuckle at their stupid pun. I guess creative marketing is a rarity everywhere.
I sprayed some shaving cream on my hand and got started. It had been a while since I last used a straight razor so you'd understand my initial hesitation. The feeling of a sharp blade on my throat is a very unpleasant one, and I'd much rather not relive it again.
After applying the cream to my face I got to work with the blade. After a tense couple of seconds of awkwardly trying to get reacquainted with the straight razor I finally, slowly, allowed the motions take care of themselves and let my mind wander. I went back to the train ride yesterday afternoon, back to the premonition of Crystal's granddaughter. Or at the very least to the edited version that Celestia and Luna had recounted to me.
A crow desperately following a dove, or perhaps protecting her? Was I the crow? It seemed likely, more than once was I compared to crows. Though if we're going by which animal I was most often identified with, the vultures and such were far more used to describe me and my friends. Then there was the forest, an oppressing force that seemed to be constantly trying to kill or captures both the birds. Most likely it was an allegory for some greater threat that would face me in the future, maybe it would seem to be everywhere at once, constantly attacking me and the girls, chipping away at our defenses.
But if the premonition is correct then that 'force' wouldn't fare very well against us. The crow was always fending their attacks away, even if he himself was slowly being overrun. The dove, on the other hand, was having no trouble evading the forest's attacks, gracefully evading their vines and thorns.
So what was she trying to tell me? That I should lay back and let the girls handle it from time to time? That giving my all in this would only get me killed? That I should trust them to take care of themselves? That couldn't be it, they were kids for god's sake! They couldn't handle a real fight.
The argument could be made that they have already been faced with life or death situations before and came out relatively unscathed. But those situations were... odd, to say the least. First, there was Nightmare Moon. With the exception of the manticore and the fight with the devil mare herself they were never in any real danger there. And even then the manticore was easily taken care off by a mare whose only combat experience is forcing a bunny to have a healthy lunch. Nightmare Moon, on the other hand, proved to be more trouble, but for someone powerful enough to incapacitate a pony that lifts heavenly bodies on a daily basis, she was surprisingly easy to dispatch.
Then there was Discord. I am sure that the self-titled 'spirit of chaos' is more than capable to create some serious mayhem, but all of his encounters with the elements amounted to nothing more than games. In no moment did he actually try to kill them, instead he chose to trick them into giving up or surrendering. And even when faced with his painfully obvious failure, Discord just stood there and dared them to take the shot. It's obvious how that turned out for him.
Sombra was a disappointment, to say the least. By his name and history, I expected the Slave King to present a bigger challenge than what the girls faced in the Crystal Kingdom. Their main asset was a festival for god's sake! And Sombra merely let them get away with it! Instead of trying something, anything, to wear down Cadence's shield, Sombra instead chose to wait until she grew too exhausted to maintain the spell to finally attack. Thus giving Twilight and the girls enough time to get the crystal ponies back to their old selves and find the Crystal Heart. All in all, he was easily the most incompetent of the bunch.
The only one who actually presented them with a combat situation was Chrysalis. And while they did have to fight back what seemed to be troves of changelings that day, from what I was told Chrysalis plan never involved killing anyone. In fact, it seems she ordered no ponies to be killed in order to be able to feed on as much love as she could.
So while the girls did prove themselves capable of fending for themselves, there's no telling if they would do as well as they did that day had those changelings been actively trying to kill them.
But this guy, whoever he is, seems to be taking this much more seriously than the previous threats that Equestria faced in the recent past. While I can't exactly tell what his intentions or his motivations are, I can tell he is willing to go to great lengths to succeed. He's already shown himself willing to outright kill anyone who so much as shows himself willing to utter a word about him to the princesses. He hasn't made a move on the Elements yet, but I'm willing to bet that when he does, tricks and games will not be in his M.O.
So Far Sight's vision couldn't possibly be telling me to let them handle it. If it did, why the hell would the Tree of Harmony go so far as choose me as their guardian? It could have been anyone else, and yet it chose me. Obviously, it thought I had something better to offer than another one of Celestia and Luna's guards.
But to be honest that is not what concerned me about this vision. What bothered me was the second half of it. When the crow and the dove finally escaped from the forest, the dove got away safely, seemingly refreshed from the sun's rays. But the crow seemed to be harmed by them. The sun did nothing but blind and burn him, eventually causing him to fall back into the darkness of the forest.
So if I am the crow, and the sun is Celestia, does that mean that once this whole thing is over and she no longer needs me, she'll just cast me away? As soon as the Elements are safe will Celestia throw me to her enemies?
Why would she do that? There's no reason for her to betray me like that. If anything she should probably try to keep me around as long as possible, and while this mark keeps me chained to the Elements I'll have little choice but to stick around. So why would she waste a perfectly good asset as me?
None of this makes any sense. We must be missing something.
The sound of several ponies barging in the room outside the bathroom brought me out of my musings. "Janos? Are you there?" Twilight called out to me from outside. But before I could answer her, the door to the bathroom swung open as a blue pegasus stormed in as I was holding the razor to my throat.
"Dude are you--!" Whatever Rainbow Dash meant to say was lost once she saw me standing half naked with a sharp blade to my throat. "Woah -- Uh... Sorry dude. I was just -- you know, we heard you..." I stared at the increasingly nervous pony as she tried to explain herself. "I'll just let you get back to it." She swiftly ran back outside slamming the door behind her.
"Thanks." To my credit, I managed to avoid cutting myself in surprise after my impulsive friend's interruption. I did allow myself small chuckle as she sheepishly declared to the ponies outside that I was in the bathroom, causing Applejack to laugh hysterically at Rainbow's stupidity, though she was quickly shushed by Dash, the farm mare continued to laugh regardless.
"In the bathroom!" I yelled at them, for some reason feeling the need to state the obvious. "Be out in a minute." Then I went back to my current task
"Sure!" Rainbow answered awkwardly. "Take your time. No rush." Someone said something I couldn't understand, but they were obviously scolding the impatient pegasus since she was quick to defend herself. "I didn't know that ok?!"
"Maybe if you'd let Princess Luna finish you would have." Rarity scolded her further. "Instead of barging into somepony's bathroom while they are clearly in it."
After I finished shaving I examined my face on the mirror. Thanks to some miracle I had managed to avoid cutting myself with the blade, even after Rainbow's little stunt, so I went ahead with my shower. I took my time with it too, it had been a long day and I felt like I deserved a relaxing hot shower after everything that had happened.
"Dashie, sweetie," I said as I exited the bathroom, now fully clothed. "If you wanted a closer look at my ass all you had to do was ask." She opened her mouth, no doubt to insult me or dismiss me, but I didn't give her the chance to talk. "Now would you like me to just drop my pants now or would you rather I do that in private?" I asked her while shoving my thumbs between the belt loops in my pants.
Rainbow blushed furiously at that, refusing to meet my eyes. "Oh shut up. Like anypony would want to look at that flabby rump of yours."
I brought my hands up in mock surrender. "Have it your way."
"So, what happened?" Fluttershy asked me, steering the conversation back in it's tracks. "The guards refused to tell us anything and then Princess Luna showed up in a hurry telling us you'd explain everything."
"No idea." I answered her, sitting down at the bed. "Someone broke into the dungeons, knocked out a few guards and then walked out."
"Just like that? He didn't break out any of the prisoners or anything?" Twilight asked.
"Nope, he just broke in and then left, didn't take anyone or anything with him."
"Why would somepony do that?" She asked herself. I could almost see the gears turning in her head as she tried to solve that little mystery.
"No idea, maybe he thought it would be fun."
"That doesn't sound like it would be fun." Fluttershy noted.
"Are you kidding me? It's super fun!" chirped Pinkie Pie.
We all stopped for a moment to stare at the cheerful earth pony jumping up and down with not a care in the world as if she didn't see what was wrong with what she just said. Collectively, we shrugged and decided to ignore that particular remark. Knowing Pinkie Pie it was probably just nonsense, and if it wasn't then we didn't want to know.
"Anyway." Rainbow broke the silence, bringing the conversation back into it's rails. "So what now?"
"I don't know." I answered, shrugging again. "I'm not a detective, Rainbow, I'm your bodyguard. I shouldn't even have left the room last night. Investigating break ins is not in my job description."
"That's just the thing, ain't you all finding this whole thing sorta strange?" Applejack suddenly asked the group. "I mean, why would the princesses hire you to do a guard's job? No offense sugarcube but bartenders ain't exactly bodyguard material."
"He did receive the mark Applejack." Rarity replied, "Maybe they just trust the Tree's decision."
“Yeah, I’m no more fitted for this than you girls are of being the elements. No offense but you people aren’t national heroes material either.” I argued, agreeing with Rarity.
"Still... Something don't feel right here." Applejack insisted, "It just feels like you all ain't telling us everything." She said, turning back to me.
"You all?" I asked the farm mare, seeing where this was going. Honestly, I'm surprised this didn't come up before, Applejack always seems to have a knack to tell when someone's lying or not. Some people might attribute this to her Element, but I’m pretty sure she's just good at reading people.
"No offense sugarcube." She said, apologetically. As if that phrase magically rendered the statement that followed it harmless "But it does seem like you ain't telling us everything either."
"That's the only natural isn't it?" I asked her, ignoring the worried looks that Rainbow and Twilight had plastered all over their faces. "After all, we've only known each other for a little over two weeks. There's plenty you don't know about me and there's plenty I don't know about you."
"I suppose," Applejack said, clearly getting even more suspicious. “But I still…”
"Applejack." I interrupted her. "No one here is more confused about this whole ordeal than I am, but trust me when I say that there is no weird conspiracy going on. If the princesses are not telling you something it's probably because it's none of your business to know, and I can assure you that there's a lot they aren't telling me too."
"Like what?"
I was about to answer the suspicious mare when it hit me, and I mean that quite literally. I had hardly opened my mouth when that surge of power passed right through me. It was like getting hit by the shockwave of an explosion, except I wasn’t sent flying through the air by its force. I jumped to my feet by instinct thinking someone was attacking or something and immediately regretted that decision as another shockwave ran through me, disorienting me and sending me to the ground, luckily Applejack was there to catch me, allowing me to lean into her neck for support.
“Woah there sugarcube!” She cried out. “What’s wrong?”
As yet another shockwave turned my stomach around, I noticed something very odd. Apparently nobody else in the room was having the same problem I was. Aside from looking very worried at my weird behavior, no one else in the room seem to be noticing anything weird going on.
“Don’t know.” I blurted out, quickly realizing that opening my mouth was a very bad idea if I was planning on keeping last night’s dinner inside my belly. “Bathroom.” Luckily Applejack quickly realized what I wanted and began helping me to the bathroom.
By that point, I had already realized this wasn’t some shockwave from a nearby explosion of course if it was everyone else would be worried about a lot more than me spilling dinner all over the floor. I had also realized this wasn't a one-time thing, the shockwaves were more likes pulses, like when you drop a pebble into a lake and it causes all those ripples in the water surface. And seeing as how they weren’t getting any weaker, quite the contrary actually, then I’d better start toughing it out.
Fluttershy quickly sprang into action, making sure the other worried ponies didn’t crowd around me, making sure the way to the bathroom was clear. Twilight on the other hand opted for a more practical approach. She levitated the bathroom’s trash can to me.
A trash that I held onto for dear life and let all the contents of my stomach spill into. I could quickly hear Rarity’s disgusted grunts and moans but I didn’t care. With each new pulse washing over me, came another bout of vomiting onto the can, until I was just dry heaving over a very messy trash can, while Fluttershy patted my back affectionately and held my hair back.
“Maybe it was something he ate.” Rainbow remarked. I can only imagine the murderous look Pinkie Pie must have shot her way.
“Oh god, it just doesn't fucking stop!” I mentally cursed the mysterious force that was causing me so much pain. Then it stopped. “Oh thank god.” I breathed out in relieve.
Very short lived relieve, because a mere moment later it began again. This time though the pulses came from a completely different direction. Luckily the retching stopped, leaving only the intense nausea and disorientation in it’s place, allowing me to let go of the trash can for a moment to try and find out what was going on.
I raised my head looking for these pulses or shock waves or whatever, where coming from, and once I found it, it became very clear what was going on. Looking out through the balcony I could see one of the castle towers, the highest one in fact, where I knew for sure was where the pulses were originating. How did I know that you ask? Well, the pillar of golden energy rising out of it and shooting into the sky was a bit of a giveaway.
“Holy shit.” I uttered in awe, as the sky slowly turned from night to day. This wasn’t some mysterious force or someone suddenly attacking the castle. This was Luna and Celestia turning the day from night with their magic. This was me feeling the ripples their magic were sending through the atmosphere as it shot into the sky to grip two celestial bodies and move it around like baseballs.
This was me realizing how stupidly powerful these two mares were, that the mere ripples their magic produced were enough to drop me to the ground spilling my stomach out in front of me. If Celestia wanted me dead, there was hardly anything I could do to stop her.
“Janos? Are you ok?” Fluttershy snapped me out of it.
“Yeah Fluttershy. I’ll be fine.” I lied.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 12 - Briefing Agent Janos.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 12 - Briefing Agent Janos.
“Please have a seat.” Luna motioned me to a set of cushions around a small table, in which I immediately seated with a curt nod.
After the Royal Armourer presented us with my “armor” and Rarity saw to it that it fitted me properly, the Princess requested I join her and Twilight for a small discussion in her chambers.
The armor by the way wasn’t exactly an armor, more like a uniform. It resembled the stuff you see the Three Musketeers wearing. With those large sleeves, the vest, cape and fancy hat. Yes, they gave me a fancy hat with a long feather on it. I was very pleased with it.
The whole thing was stylized after the night Princess, considering I worked for her and everything. I wore her traditional colors, dark blue and silver. The suit itself was tinted dark blue with silver embroidery here and there. The steel shoulder-guard I wore on my right shoulder was also painted dark blue and had the white crescent moon symbol emblazoned in it. The musketeer hat (or cavalier.) was made from felt. One of the sides was folded and pinned to the side with a brooch that held the feather in place.
It wasn’t all made from cloth though. The vest was an artificial replacement for leather, (also tinted dark blue with some silver embroidery on the edges.) And underneath it I wore chain-mail, which was much lighter than I expected. The cavalier boots were also made from a leather substitute but these were kept black. The gloves on the other hand were a bit special. They actually had steel lined inside them, resulting in extra protection for my hands and some handy metal studs on my knuckles in case I need to punch something.
All in all I was satisfied with my new gear. True it wasn't as high tech as what I used to have, (Even if my own gear back home was very outdated.) but it was light and sturdy, not to mention I looked very good in it after Rarity’s last minute adjustments. My only complaint was the big flowing cape bearing Luna’s moon in it. Capes were a liability and I’d rather not telegraph my alliances to everyone around me. But I could always get rid of it. Later though, might as well humor my employer a little bit.
“How does the suit feel?” Luna asked me once she herself had sat down and made herself comfortable.
“It feels great.” I answered her, setting my hat down at my side and running a hand through my hair. “Though my legs and arms are a bit vulnerable.” I mentioned. And it was true the lack of protection aside from cloth on my legs and arms did bother me a bit.
“I’ll let Furnace know.” She nodded. “So before we begin, would any of you two like something to drink?”
“Tea is fine Princess.” Twilight answered.
Luna nodded and fired up her horn. I was already very aware of the power radiating from both alicorns in the room. Now I was doubly so. It seemed that with each passing moment, this new sense of mine improved. Or maybe alicorns just make my magic sense go haywire.
“No offense Your Highness, but you wouldn’t happen to have anything stronger would you?” I asked her, hoping I could get a decent drink.
“Really Janos? At one in the afternoon? You shouldn’t even be drinking.” Twilight chastised me. “Not after your episode this morning.”
“I agree with Princess Twilight, Janos. Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Luna also voiced her concern.
“Nope, but that never stopped me before.” I answered with a smirk, causing Twilight to roll her eyes in frustration.
“I have some cider. It’s light enough to not worry me and should satisfy you.” Luna decided. Using her magic, she levitated our drinks and set them on the table, serving each of us in turn.
I moved to serve myself but her magic was faster than me. “Not to worry, you are a guest in my chambers, I shall serve you Janos.”
I shrugged. Not like it mattered anyway.
For a second we silenced ourselves while each of us tasted our drinks. The was good but too weak for my needs right now. I took a moment to take a look around the place.
Luna’s room was placed in the Observation Tower. Fitting that the Night Princess lived in a observatory. It was actually a pretty big place, with its own kitchen and everything. The walls were covered in paintings that highlighted the night sky. There were decorative swords and shields on the walls and a couple of banners featuring the crescent moon. It didn’t have a balcony, but I assume if Luna wants to go outside she’ll just take a flight of steps up to the observatory.
“So what exactly do you want to talk about Princess?” I asked her after a long sip of cider.
“And why isn’t Princess Celestia here?” Twilight added.
“My sister is very busy with her Day Court so she won't be joining us.” Luna answered Twilight. “As for the topic I wish to discuss, it’s a simple one. How are you finding Equestria Janos?”
I blinked. Really? All that ceremony, asking Twilight’s friends to leave us, just to ask how I’ve been settling in? “Doesn’t Twilight send letters every week reporting on how I’m doing?”
Twilight shot me a surprised look. Clearly she didn’t know I was aware of that. Which tells me I shouldn’t be.
“Yes she does.” Luna agreed, not looking bothered by the fact that I knew about the letters. “But I wish to hear it straight from you.”
“I’m doing fine.” I replied. “Equestria is a bit overwhelming. Especially with this whole Mark of Harmony thing, and the magic screwing around my head. But I’m nothing if not adaptable.”
“Glad to hear it. I’m aware you’re having some trouble fitting in with Ponyville’s populace.” She said. “How do you feel about that?” Who is she? My psychiatrist?
“Whether or not Ponyville likes me is irrelevant.” I answered. “I’m there to do my job, not make friends.”
“It still bothers you though.” Twilight called me out.
“You would be bothered too if you couldn’t walk down the street without the whole city stopping everything just to stare at you.”
“The ponies of Ponyville are just very cautious about anything weird or unusual. It usually means trouble for them.” Twilight reasoned. “They’ll warm up to you. Eventually.”
“Ah yes.” Luna spoke up, reminiscing about something. “I remember my first Nightmare Night there. They were very… skitterish.”
“Yeah, that town is the center of an absurd number of disasters lately.” Twilight mused out loud.
“What can one expect? They did build it right next to the Everfree.” Luna mentioned. “It was bound to end in some sort of trouble.”
“I suppose.” Twilight said, clearly not convinced.
“Now to more pressing matters, your coming assignment.” Ah, so that’s why I’m here. ‘I’ve arranged transportation for you, you will be leaving this afternoon, at four, two of my guards will take you straight to Ore Valley in a sky chariot. The journey should take a few hours, you will be in Ore Valley around eight.”
“Got it.”
“There you will join with the rest of my guards. A squad under the command of Lieutenant Troubled Skies. You are to work with her to solve the Diamond Dog problem in the region.”
“I know all that.”
“I’m aware that you know. I just want to brief you properly. We still haven’t had the opportunity for that.” Luna answered, impatiently.
“Who are these ponies I’m supposed to work with? Are they capable? Or as useful as the ones guarding your prison?”
“You don’t trust the guard?” Twilight asked.
“Well when I can infiltrate a high security prison with an improvised plan and almost no equipment. No I don’t trust them.” I answered.
“Wait, you did what?” The young Princess asked in confusion, before her little brain made the connections. “You were the intruder?! Why in the name of pony would you break in the Hollows?!”
“He wished to interrogate Crafty Spark,” Luna answered for me.
“You could’ve just asked Janos. I’m sure the Princesses would let you in to talk to him.”
“I wanted to keep it off the records.” I explained her. “Besides, it was way more fun that way.”
“You’re insane. Absolutely insane. The Hollows are the highest security prison in Equestria!”
“Yes, and I broke into it alone, with no plan and no magic or equipment.” I repeated. “Speaks volumes for the Guard standards doesn’t it?”
“I agree with Janos. The Guard has proven disappointing so far.” Luna interrupted us. “But I assure you, the Night Guard, although small, is much more capable than my sister’s complacent soldiers.”
"My brother is one of those complacent soldiers, Princess,” Twilight said slowly. A sour expression on her face.
“I mean no disrespect, Princess.” Luna apologized. “But my sister has grown very lenient in the training of the Royal Guard in the past thousand years. I understand the long period of peace we’ve been having makes an army seem less necessary. But we should always have a force at the ready. When Chrysalis invaded Canterlot, the Guard was subdued in a matter of hours.”
“That wasn’t my brother’s fault, he was being brainwashed by the changeling queen!” Twilight defended her brother. But Luna simply shook her head.
“Chrysalis is a cunning fiend and I do not fault Shining Armor for not seeing through her disguise. However his guards should have been more well prepared for the attack, especially when they knew it was coming.” The night Princess argued back. Seeing Twilight offer no counter arguments, Luna turned to address me. “The Hollows have been mostly empty for the past decades, since there have been fewer and fewer criminals imprisoned there. Therefore it’s been running on a skeleton crew. No wonder it was so easy to infiltrate.”
“I thought so.” I nodded my head as Luna confirmed my suspicions. Seems the Guard has really been swept under the rug with this whole peace time thing.
“My soldiers are being trained as if we were at war. They know what’s at stake and have been sent on numerous missions since my return. They have training, equipment and experience. They are superior to other Guards in all aspects but one, they are still a very small force, one fourth the size of the Regular Guard and half the size of the Day Guard. But that is an issue only time will fix.”
“Good to hear that.”
“And these ponies you will work with today will make the basis for the team who’s going to be in charge of protecting the Elements. I want you to choose a few of the ponies in that squad to make up this new team of guards. Troubled Skies will assist you in that task as well.”
“Does that mean she’s automatically in that team or does she need my approval as well?” I asked.
“I wish to hear your evaluation of her, but yes she will be a member of that team and it’s co-leader alongside you.” She answered.
“So now there’s going to be a whole team of ponies following our every move?” Twilight asked, disliking this turn of events. “I really don’t like this invasion of privacy.”
“You’re a princess now Twilight Sparkle, you will need protection. In the future you will have your own branch of the Royal Guard to train and administer.” Luna explained.
“I understand that.” Twilight conceded. “But my friends aren’t royalty. They deserve a normal life, without a bunch of ponies following their every move.”
“As long as they are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, a normal life will always be out of question Twilight.”
“That isn’t fair though!” She protested. “None of us chose this.”
“Life isn’t fair Twilight.” I told her, meeting her eyes with a serious stare. “The sooner you come to terms with that, the better.”
“I assure you Twilight, their privacy will be respected. But they still need protection.” Luna tried to reassure the young princess. “We’ve tried keeping our distance and not interfering in your lives. But with the Tree choosing a new guardian and now this group of ponies keeping tabs on you… We cannot allow ourselves to leave you or your friends unsupervised.”
“I know that.” Twilight sighed, casting her gaze down. “I just wish it didn’t have to be this way. This whole thing is so unnerving. I mean, there's a whole group of ponies watching our every move! There’s so many questions unanswered here. How long have they been doing this? Are they just watching me or my friends too? What do they want? How did they know where we were?” Wow, this whole thing is really taking a toll on her. She looks very stressed out, I didn’t notice it before. She must have been hiding it from her friends trying not to worry them.
“I understand your concern Princess Twilight.” Luna said, extending one wing over Twilight in an attempt to offer some comfort. “But you must be brave, for yourself, your friends and your subjects. You faced many dangers before and many more will come. You must keep your wits about you and most important of all. Keep fighting.”
“It's not the same.” She argued. “All the threats before, we knew what we were dealing with. This is different, we know next to nothing about these ponies. The only time anything similar happened was with Chrysalis, but even she revealed herself pretty quickly. It was fairly straightforward.”
“Relax, they brought me into this remember?” I said, lifting my arm, even though the mark was hidden underneath my clothes. “There isn’t a pony alive that can stop me.”
“Yes the morally ambiguous extradimensional creature with unstable magic.” She stated in the most monotone she could probably muster while still sounding sarcastic. “How reassuring.”
“Beat your guards.” I polished my nails on my vest for added douchiness.
She simply stuck her tongue out for me. At least she seemed to lighten up.
Luna simply chuckled at our little argument but quickly composed herself. “Lastly but not least.” She declared. “I have an extra assignment for you. Celestia personally asked me to have you take care of this.”
I opened my mouth to speak but Luna beat me to it.
“Yes, you will be payed extra for it.” Twilight rolled her eyes once again.
“Then go right ahead, Your Highness.”
“We wish for you to take an extra pony on this mission.”
An extra? Oh this does not bode well.
“Who?” I asked, already fearing the answer.
Luna simply smiled a knowing smile. “Come in!” She yelled for the door. Which immediately opened to reveal a unicorn.
He was a big unicorn. White coat and blonde mane, both seemed to be extremely well taken care off. Reminded me of Rarity and her constant care for her appearance. He wore only the collar of a suit, will never understand what’s up with that. His cutie mark was a compass rose.
His ‘full of himself look’ immediately told me this guy was an asshole, but who knows? I have been wrong before. In addition to that he looked big and strong, obviously someone who worked out. But muscles aren’t everything, technique can be much more important. But still, he could actually be of some help.
“Blueblood.” Twilight cursed under her breath. Her look of disgust and contempt did not speak well for this guy.
“Prince Blueblood, Your Highness.” The stallion in question corrected her as he bowed. “A Princess of Equestria should be mindful of the proper titles of the noble houses.”
What a tool. I hope to god this is the guy who’s going to take me to the pony who’s coming with me.
“Hello Prince Blueblood.” Luna greeted him. “Has my sister explained your punishment for you?”
Not boding well for me so far.
A sour look immediately spread over his face. The kind of look someone makes when the garbage truck passes by.
“Yes, Auntie Celestia did inform me of that.” He answered.
Wait. Auntie Celestia? Auntie? What the fuck? Luna has kids? And it’s this asshole? She just got back from the moon, is everyone in this place a literal millennial? Or is there a third sister I’m unaware of?
“He is not actually our nephew.” Luna explained, seeing my confused face. “The main families in all noble houses are considered family by us. As the older son in his family Blueblood is considered our nephew and therefore royalty.”
“Though he has no real power.” Twilight added.
“You know as well as I do that being a princess of Equestria is not the only way to acquire political power Your Highness.” He replied with a smug smirk on his face. “Is this the commoner who’s supposed to look after me?” He asked Luna lazily pointing in my direction with a hoof and a disgusted look on his face.
“What?” I asked no one and everyone in particular.
“Yes he is.” Luna affirmed. “This is Janos, My first Agent in the new Night Guard and the human who will be in charge of you during this mission.
“What?!” I asked again, my neck whipping around to face to Luna at such speeds Twilight actually made a double take to make sure my neck hadn’t snapped.
“Prince Blueblood here has been needing a lesson in humility and self reliance.” Luna explained, much to the dislike of the stallion in question standing in the room. “So my sister and I decided he is to come with you on your mission. He will be under your command the whole time and hopefully he will learn something useful for a change.”
“I cannot believe father allowed this.” Blueblood muttered under his breath.
“Your father shares our concern Blueblood. He was most pleased with our decision.” Luna answered him to his surprise.
“What concern?!”
“That you are a disrespectful little brat who thinks too highly of himself.” Luna said, dryly. “Hopefully, Janos can change at least one of those things.”
“Princess, you can’t honestly mean to dump this guy on me and expect me to keep him alive and complete the mission at the same time!” I pleaded.
“Excuse me?! Did that commoner just call me ‘guy’?” Blueblood asked on the verge of a hissy fit. Twilight nodded silently while sipping her tea.
“We’ll be paying one third of your current fee for this assignment alone.” She declared, a knowing smirk across her face.
“Auntie! Won’t you reprimand him! He insulted a member of the royal family to the face of three royals of Equestria!” He continued. Twilight smile widened.
Well, that is a good offer. “Half.” I counter offered.
“I’m afraid this isn’t negotiable Janos.” She replied.
“If you want to dump him on me, then it goddamn better be.” I pressed.
“Dump?!” Blueblood was red as tomatoes now. “I am royalty! Not a sack of potatoes to be dumped on the common folk! You should be honored to serve as my guard! This is outrageous.” He stamped on the floor in anger.
“A third is more than enough Janos.” Luna was clearly beginning to be annoyed by her nephew, judging by the look she gave him.
“Enough?!” I asked, “Look at that asshole!” I said pointing at the grown unicorn on the verge of a hissy fit. “Half is still cutting you some slack! I’ll have to deal with him for the better part of a week! At least.”
“That’s enough!” Blueblood yelled for all the castle to hear. “Auntie Luna, I demand you incarcerate this petulant monkey at once!”
I was already beginning to open my mouth in order to bargain more when I froze. Even Twilight looked terrified.
The look on Luna’s face was terrifying. That look of utter rage hidden beneath a veil of calm and grace only a woman is capable of mustering.
“You demand?” She asked with frightening calm. “You demand?!” She raised her voice ever so slightly and Blueblood shook.
I don’t mean shifted slightly because of discomfort. His whole body shook as one.
“YOU INSUFFERABLE BRAT! YOU DARE MAKE DEMANDS FROM THE PRINCESS OF NIGHT!?”
I had never seen the Canterlot royal voice before, and in that moment I wish I hadn’t. It wasn’t just yelling. Oh no. Luna was actively pushing Blueblood away, causing him to skid backwards with only the force of her voice. I bet she could uproot a tree with that set of lungs. There wasn’t even any magic involved, I would know.
“YOU WILL NOT ONLY BE UNDER THE DIRECT COMMAND OF JANOS YOU WILL BE UNDER THE DIRECT COMMAND OF EVEN THE LOWLIEST OF RECRUITS IN THERE!” She continued. “IF THAT BACKWARDS OUTPOST HAS A SHERIFF WHO CAN’T EVEN READ OR WRITE THEN YOU WILL ANSWER TO HIM AS WELL!”
Jesus the guy was terrified and rightly so I’m glad she isn’t directing this ungodly force of nature against me.
“JANOS!” She yelled, directing that ungodly force of nature against me. “I WANT YOU TO TREAT HIM LIKE TRASH UNDERSTOOD?! IF I HEAR OF YOU ALLOWING HIM TO USE HIS STATUS TO GET OUT OF HIS DUTIES THEN YOU WILL BE IN JUST AS MUCH TROUBLE AS HIM, I AM CLEAR?!”
I am not going to lie. She tossed me on my back with just her voice. Even Twilight ducked from cover and she wasn’t even the target.
“Yes. Perfectly clear ma’am!” I yelled back. My ear drums permanently damaged.
“GOOD!” She paused, suddenly aware of the scene she was causing. Luna sheepishly cleared her throat and repeated. “Good.”
“You’ll be rewarded with one third of your current fee, correct?” She asked me in her regular, yet strained, voice.
“Eeyup, whatever you say, Your Highness.” I agreed, fearing for my life.
“Excellent! Then you are all dismissed.” She declared. “Not you Twilight. As a fellow Princess, I can’t actually dismiss you.”
“No problem, Princess I’ll be going. Stuff to do, places to see. You know how it is.” Twilight resurfaced from under the table, her hair a jumbled mess. “Come along boys, let’s give the Princess some privacy.”
I immediately obeyed, got up, picked up my hat from across the room, and left dragging a shivering Blueblood behind me.
As soon as we were out of Princess Luna’s chambers Twilight turned to me and with a sympathetic smile spoke. “I’m so sorry you’re going to spend the next week stuck with him. Good luck, you’ll need it.”
Yeah. I turned to the pathetic mess of nerves on the floor. Look at him, covering his eyes with his hooves. Pathetic. I can't even punch him for the monkey comment.
No Twilight, luck hasn’t been on my side lately. In fact I think it may be actively working against me.
Author's Note
I am back! Sorry for the long wait folks. Life got in the way.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 13 - Ready to go?
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 13 - Ready to go?
“Hang on a minute Twilight,” I asked her once we reached a secluded area of the castle.
We stopped in the middle of an empty corridor. There were no doors on either side, and we were high enough I didn’t have to worry about someone seeing us through the window. I glanced at both ends of the hallway. no sign of life. Perfect.
“What’s wrong, Janos?” Twilight asked me, noticing my strange behavior. I could swear I saw a hint of fear in her eyes.
I didn’t have time to dwell on it, though, I had urgent matters to attend to.
So I turned around, smiled sweetly at the young princess, and promptly decked Blueblood square in the jaw.
“Janos!” She yelled, eyes wide open in a mix of confusion, surprise, and anger. “What in the hay has gotten into you!?”
Blueblood was sent straight to the floor. I was disappointed. Not even one tooth flying around.
“What is wrong with you? You brainless buffoon!” He barked at me, once he recollected himself.
“Janos what did you do that for?” Twilight was already placing herself between me and Blueblood, whose horn was already flaring with a yellow glow, pushing me to the wall.
“Somepony get this beast off of me!” Blueblood screamed in vain.
“Enough you two!” Twilight continued, in an effort to get me to backdown.
I pushed her aside ignoring her protests and grabbed Blueblood’s jaw. “You ever,” I growled, anger dripping from my voice. “Ever!” I repeated, squeezing harder, burying my fingers in his cheeks. “You ever call me monkey again, and I will keep hitting you until I rip off your goddamn jaw!” I roared in his face.
Blueblood winced, trying to get away from me but I held him firmly in my grasp. “Understood?” I finally asked him. I was fucking tired of these assholes thinking they can treat me like trash. No, this asshole was going to understand what it means to fuck with me in any way shape or form.
He tried to say something but my grip was too strong on him, he could hardly mumble something, so I threw him back to the floor.
“Please, that’s enough” Twilight stomped on the floor in frustration. We didn’t care.
“Just *cough* *cough* Just you wait until Aunty Celestia hears about this.” He finally managed to croak out, rubbing the sore spot on his jaw. “She’s going to have you banished for lifting a hoof against royalty!”
“I don’t give a fuck who you, Celestia or Luna are. And I certainly don’t give a fuck whose crotch you came out of.” I said kneeling down to look him in the eyes. “You ever disrespect me like that again and there won’t be enough guards in this country to keep me from getting to you.”
“You dare insult your Princesses? You dare insult the royal blood to the face of a Princess?” Blueblood repeated, rising from the ground. Immediately striking a regal pose that was obviously rehearsed. “Princess Twilight will you just stand there and let this beast slander Equestrian Royalty?” He continued, turning to Twilight.
“Blueblood,” Twilight said. “Shut up. You insult someone, you deal with the consequences. Don’t expect me or the Princesses to bail you out of it.” Blueblood didn’t talk back. He tried to keep his expression neutral but it was clear that getting scolded by the young princess was something of an insult to him. Especially in front of me.
I smiled smugly at him.
“And you mister.” She turned to face me, poking me in the chest a bit too strongly. A look of pure anger on her face. It actually scared me, reminded me of the look on Luna’s face earlier today.”What were you thinking?! You can’t just punch people when they do something you don’t like!”
“But Twilight…” I tried defending myself. Obviously, she wanted none of it.
“But nothing, Janos! This is not behavior expected of an Agent of the Crown! You need to keep a hold on your emotions! Don’t you remember what happened on the train?! You can’t afford to act recklessly like this, the first step to controlling your magic is controlling your emotions!” She lectured me.
“Twilight, I will not shut up and bow my head while assholes like this one think they can do or say anything to me..” I argued right back, pointing at the smug and full of himself Blueblood standing to the side. “He’s going to learn not to fuck with me.”
“I understand you are upset but violence doesn’t solve anything.” She continued lecturing me. “You should have been civil and discussed the matter like adults. Who knows, maybe you two could become friends after all?”
Me and Blueblood immediately stared at each other.
“Fuck that.”
“I do not see that happening.”
“Fine.” She sighed in defeat. “Just promise me you two will behave yourselves for the rest of the day.”
We mumbled a half-assed agreement, which Twilight accepted after staring at both of us for a couple of seconds.
“Great, let’s just go find the guards who are supposed to take you two grumpy pants to Ore Valley.”
--------------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx------------------------------------------------
After what felt like an hour of navigating through the castle’s endless corridors, we finally reached our destination.
Behind a set of double doors in one of the higher floors of the castle was a great balcony-like structure. It extended for a good number of yards in front of me. There was no ceiling except for the first couple of feet. This area seemed to operate as a landing and takeoff station for pegasi guards and their sky chariots, as evidenced by all the aforementioned guards and chariots around.
As we walked through them, every guard that Twilight passed by would drop to their knees and mumble something along the lines of ‘Your Highness.’
Most of them wore the gold armor of the Day Guard. But there were a few wearing the dark blue armor of Luna’s guards. We followed Twilight some more until we stopped near the edge of the station.
In front of us stood a group of guards wearing Night Guard armor. Most of them were huddled in one corner either talking among themselves or checking up the chariot. But two of them stood out. A griffon and a bat pony. They seemed to be wearing some kind of specialized armor since it looked to cover more of their bodies.
It was my first time seeing a griffon. He was, obviously half eagle and half lion. His eagle half had white feathers that were tinted purple on the edges around his head. His yellow eyes stared at me like a hawk while I approached them.
The other guard, a bat pony, had dark blue fur like most of them seemed to possess. He had green, slitted eyes and a black mane. I couldn’t see his cutie mark beneath his armor.
As soon as Twilight stopped in front of them, both dropped to their knees, as did every other guard on their group.
“Please stand.” Twilight requested, and the guards promptly obeyed.
“Staff Sergeant Gilbert reporting for duty ma’am!” The griffon saluted.
“Sergeant Sure Glide at your service Your Highness!.” The bat pony followed suit.
“Nice to meet you two.” Twilight was obviously not used to being treated that way, as evidence by the occasional crack in her voice. Blueblood looked as displeased as ever. “Are you the guards supposed to take Janos and Prince Blueblood to Ore Valley?”
“Yes, your Highness.” Answered Gilbert. “But I’m afraid it’s still a bit early. We are not done with the pre-flight check-up. And we weren’t aware His Highness, Prince Blueblood would be accompanying us.”
“Is that a problem?” Asked Blueblood, dryly. I was very happy to see that the gash on his lip was already getting swollen.
“No, Your Highness,” Gilbert answered quickly. “We will simply need to adjust our plans a bit.”
“Very well.” Blueblood sighed. “I will be in my chambers, send somepony when you are ready.”
Gilbert was about to reply when I intervened. “Not so fast,” I spoke up.
“Anything wrong sir?” Gilbert asked me.
“Yes,” I answered. “I want you to send a couple of guards with Blueblood to the barracks, have him outfitted with standard issue armor.”
I could see the disgust in Blueblood’s face at my refusal to use his title. Unfortunately, I could not care less even if I tried.
“Sir, wouldn't it be better if Prince Blueblood simply wore his private set? It would protect him much better than standard armor.” Glide spoke up, joining the conversation.
“No, for the duration of this assignment you will treat Blueblood as if he were a recruit in his first mission.” I explained, “When he is back from the barracks put him to work with the other grunts.”
“Unconceivable! I will not be put to work like a pathetic recruit! I am a Prince!” Blueblood protested. Twilight face hoofed. The recruits seemed very pissed off. I grinned. “My place is at the command not with the riff raff..”
“Sir, that does seem very unorthodox,” Gilbert mentioned. “Members of Royalty are usually given officer positions.”
“Get used to it,” I ordered him. “I didn’t even read the book, so don’t expect this to go by it.”
“Still. Prince Blueblood has graduated from the Academy, his talents would be better used in a position of command.” He insisted.
“With honors.” Added Blueblood, proudly.
“Sergeant?” I addressed the bat pony standing awkwardly at the side. No doubt trying desperately not to be involved in this conversation.
“Yes, sir?” He answered me immediately.
“Do I look like I give a fuck?” I asked with utmost sincerity.
“Ummm.” Sure Glide clearly didn’t know what to say but as I raised an eyebrow at him he swallowed in dry and answered. “No sir?”
“Very good, Sergeant.” I congratulated him with a pat on his back. “These are Princess Luna’s orders, Staff Sergeant,” I informed Gilbert before he could argue anymore.
“Very well.” He accepted, bowing his head.
“And let me make one thing perfectly clear!” I shouted to the guards in general. Every head in the crowd turned to me immediately as I addressed them. “Blueblood is to be treated as a recruit. That means playing every joke and ill-conceived prank reserved to the newbies on him, is not only encouraged it is part of your assignment for the next couple of days until our return from Ore Valley. Until the moment your hooves touch Canterlot Soil again you will treat the Prince here as one of your beloved brothers in arms, so give him the kind of fraternal love I know fine soldiers like you are capable of dishing out.” I could already see some smiles in the group of guards that would be accompanying us. “Anyone treating Blueblood as anything more than the lowliest of recruits will not only answer to me but to Princess Luna herself. Is that clear?”
Blueblood was absolutely livid. The look he was giving me was pure hatred.
A chorus of ‘Aye Aye Sir’s resonated through the courtyard and my smile grew evermore. I pointed to two of the most devilish looking Night guards and motioned for them to step forward. “You two take Blueblood to the barracks and have him fitted with standard gear, then get him working on the chariot with the rest of the guards.” Finally, I turned to Blueblood and with my best shit eating grin I ordered him. “Go get outfitted, Recruit. Today marks the beginning of your lesson in humility, and I am nothing if not a thorough teacher.”
Blueblood was about to open his big mouth to say something stupid but the two guards I ordered quickly shoved him with their shoulders. “Moving on Recruit!” One of them ordered. “You heard the Captain.”
“Captain?” I asked in confusion.
“Agents of the Crown hold an honorary rank of Captain among the guards.” Gilbert quickly explained. “Technically you have no jurisdiction over us since the guards and the agents are completely differents branches of the military, but when they are required to work together this is the rank the Princesses usually assign them with.”
“Thanks for that.”
“No problem.” He said. “So, a real live human. Never imagined I would see one up close, not to mention working with one.”
Whoa. Hold up. This guy knows what I am? Luna must have told them of course but he seems to know about humans for much longer than I’ve been here. “How do you know what I am?”
“Luna must have told him, Janos. Like she told every other guard here.” Twilight explained waving her hoof dismissively.
“While that is true Your Highness and the entire Guard is aware of the newest addition to Princess Luna’s agents. Every griffon knows what a human is.” Gilbert explained, with a curt bow. “One of your kind played a very important part in our history, and because of her actions humans are greatly respected as skilled warriors.”
I don’t know who looked more surprised, me or Twilight.
“What?” Do you? I never read about this in any of my books on griffons and their culture.”
“You mean those centuries-old history books? Yeah, very reliable.” I remarked, remembering my difficulty in finding any recent information regarding griffons.
“Griffon history is not something we are comfortable sharing with outsiders,” Gilbert explained. Then as if finding something funny he chuckled. “In fact, there is very little we griffon like to share with anyone at all.”
“So why are you talking about it with us?” Twilight asked him, notepad and quill already in hoof.
“Well, Janos here is a human, so this part of griffon history belongs as much to him as it does to me and you are one of the four princesses of Equestria, think of it as my tribute to the crown.” Gilbert continued.
“Oh! Thank you then.” Twilight said, with a slight blush on her cheeks. “It is greatly appreciated.”
“You are most welcome your highness,” Gilbert spoke with an exaggerated bow.
“So what human was that?” I asked him. Ever since Celestia told me I am not the first human to show up here I’ve been dying to know about the others that came before me, but every time I have an opportunity to ask her about them something seems to come up.
“Lady Alexia.” He answered, finally taking his eyes off Twilight. “She was instrumental in the unification of the Griffon Kingdoms and the war against the Dragons.”
“Truly?” Twilight asked him, already excitedly making annotations in her little notepad.
“Oh yes.” He confirmed, “Lady Alexia arrived in the homelands about a thousand years ago, no one knows where she came from, only that one day she was there.” He explained. “They say her life was saved by a griffon warrior and his band of mercenaries and pledged her life to said warrior, His name was Grover.”
“King Grover?” Twilight guessed with a gasp.
“The one and only,” Gilbert confirmed her guess with a nod. “You are clearly very well versed in Griffon history, your Highness. You are clearly as smart as you are pretty.” He added, with a sly smile.
Is this dude hitting on a princess he just met five minutes ago? Wow, and Carol said I was a womanizer.
“Thank you.” Twilight blushed once again. “But it’s just like Janos said, I only know what I read in my old books.”
“In the following years, she fought alongside the future king in the war against the dragons where she proved her prowess as a warrior when she single-handedly slain the Dragon Lord.”
“She fought dragons?” In asked him. “Giant fire-breathing monsters with scales as thick as I am tall?”
“Impressive, wasn’t she?” Gilbert commented. “But she did have some help. They say her spear held powerful magic hidden within. A spell that ensured whoever held it could not be defeated in combat.”
“Amazing.” Twilight mused to herself.
“Yes, but it is just a legend,” Gilbert explained. “No weapon like that could possibly exist.”
Not so sure about that buddy. I seem to remember the story of a weapon much alike that one from back home.
“After the war, Alexia and her Liege, Grover set out to rebuild the Griffons Kingdoms that were nearly destroyed during the war. Together they unified the Kingdoms under one leader. King Grover. Then Alexia retired, Grover gave her some lands as a reward for her service and she lived the rest of her days in isolation raising some griffon chicks that were orphaned by the war. These days everyone knows Lady Alexia and her story.”
“I had no idea another human was so instrumental in shaping world’s history like that,” Twilight said as she finished taking her notes.
“Oh yes. We griffons owe much to Alexia and her kind.” Gilbert spoke, before a mare approached Twilight, bowed, and handed her a couple of scrolls.
“Thank you.” Twilight thanked the mare and turned to us. “The rest of your exams came through Janos, we should take care of this. Sergeant Gilbert, Sure Glide, thank you for your good work and get ready for departure at four today, understood?”
“Yes, your highness.” Both of them bowed respectfully and left to finish their preparations.
Twilight motioned for me to follow her and wasted no time getting to work with the scrolls.
--------------------------------------------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx------------------------------------------------
It was a surprisingly short walk back to my room. Sometimes I think this Castle is only as big as it needs at any given moment. Twilight spend the whole time with her head buried in the test results she had just received. Every once in awhile she would comment on something or let slip some ‘hmms’ or ‘of course’ but other than that she didn’t address me at all.
During the walk, I noticed the ponies here were much more civilized than in Ponyville. At the very least they knew not to stare and gape at strangers. Maybe Celestia trained her staff well, or maybe this place sees it’s fair share of odd characters on a regular basis for them to be used to this by now.
“So, there’s good news and bad news.” Twilight addressed me once we entered my private quarters. “Which one first?”
“Good, I guess?” I answered her. I sat down on my comfy bed, while the princess sat on the floor directly in front of me. A couple of open scrolls floating beside her.
“You know how we said you were resistant to magic so if somepony needed to cast a spell on you they would need to put extra magic into it so it would take effect?”
I nodded.
“That’s not true.”
“How is that good news?” I asked her.
“Calm down. What is actually happening is that your body is automatically absorbing any magic around you. Usually, that means that you are always replenishing lost magic by absorbing what you can find in the environment. However, if someone puts a spell on you then there is magic acting upon your body.”
“So I absorb part of it unconsciously?” I deduced.
“Yes, that is why we need to put extra magical power in any enchantments we cast upon you. Because part of it is absorbed by your body.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“The bad news is that the amulet Princess Luna made for you has an expiration date. The spell she placed on it will be gradually drained by you every day, until it is nothing but a chunk of rock with some writing on it.”
“I see. How long does it have?”
“A week, two at most.” She answered. “I really don’t think you should be going on that assignment, Janos. Especially now that we know the amulet will eventually stop working.”
“Can’t back down now, Twilight,” I told her. “I’ll just have to be done within the week.”
“That’s crazy, Janos.” She argued. “What if you lose control again?”
“I won’t.”
“How can you be certain?”
“Because it won’t catch me by surprise again. This time, I’m ready for it. Besides, I’ll be done before the amulet runs out.”
“Has anyone ever told you, you are too arrogant for your own good?”
Yes, she told me constantly.
“Confidence Twilight, not arrogance,” I told her with a smug grin on my face.
“Fine.” She resigned, with a tired sigh. “If I can’t stop you then I’ll at least help make sure you’ll come back alright.”
She stepped forward and with her magic, pulled the amulet from beneath my uniform. “I’ll replenish the enchantment’s magic reserve, that should buy you a day or two.”
“Greatly appreciated, Twilight.” I thanked her as she poured her magic onto my amulet.
It didn’t take long, and after a moment or two, there came a knock on the door.
“Umm, excuse me? Janos are you there?” I recognized Fluttershy’s voice calling from behind the door.
“Come in, Fluttershy!” I told her as I stuffed the amulet inside my coat again.
“I got some more stuff to take care of, Janos,” Twilight told me, putting her scrolls away under her wing. “I’ll come take you to the chariot at four ok?”
“Sure Twilight, I’ll see you later.”
She greeted Fluttershy on her way out and left the room, leaving a very nervous and awkward pegasus behind.
“Hey, Flutters.” I greeted her.
“Hi, Janos.” She greeted me back.
“Wanna go sit on the balcony? I kinda need some fresh air.” She nodded silently and followed me out.
There was a small glass table with a couple of seats on the balcony. I plopped down in one of them, and Fluttershy simply sat down on the ground next to the table.
“Something up?” I was just making conversation, she was only that nervous with me when there was something she wanted to say that she didn’t know how to say it.
“Just wanted to see how you were doing.” She answered.
“I’m doing better now, thanks for asking.”
She coaxed out a 'you’re' welcome’ and we sat in silence for a couple more minutes.
It’s amazing how this girl is shy. We have been getting much more nicely since we met but every time we had to discuss something even remotely personal she freezes up like that.
“You want to talk about what you saw yesterday?” I asked her.
“Yes.” She answered. “I’m sorry I just don’t know what to say right now. I don’t want to pressure you into saying anything you don’t want to say. And you seemed like you didn’t want to talk about it but that looked really serious so I got worried and I’m sorry I’m rambling again aren’t I?”
“Don’t worry about it,” I reassured her.
“So do you want to talk about it or not?” She asked me, still unsure over whether or not she should be bringing this up.
“No, I really don’t.”
“Oh. I'm sorry.” She apologized, dejected.
I sighed deeply and rubbed my eyes with my hands. I couldn’t believe I had been put into this situation. “Look, Fluttershy, it’s not that I don’t trust you or that I don’t see you as a friend,” I explained. “But there are some things about me that I don’t discuss with anyone. Friend or not.”
“I understand that.” She said. “But it isn’t healthy to leave these things bottled up inside you.”
“It’s not bottled up.”
“Are you sure? Because I get the idea that you need to talk about it. Have you ever talked to somepony about it?”
“No.”
“Well, if you ever need to talk to somepony about this then I’m right here ok? And if you don’t want to talk about it with me but you do talk about it with somepony else then that’s ok too, as long as you feel better about this.” She actually mustered the courage to look me in the eye when she said that. Rare, Fluttershy usually does anything she can to avoid looking someone in the eye.
“Fine, Flutters.” I resigned with a tired sigh. “I can’t and won’t tell you the whole story but I can give you an abridged version of it, as long as you never tell a soul what I’m going to tell you ok?
She smiled sweetly, in that way only she can, and nodded for me to continue. She then went through the motions of the sacred Pinkie swear.
“Ok.” I sat up straight and tried to figure out where I should begin.
“I’m not a good person, Fluttershy.” That phrase escaped my lips before I even noticed I was talking. She made to interrupt me but I raised a hand stopping her. “Just let me finish.”
“I wasn’t always a bartender. In fact, I used to do some really bad stuff, a couple of years ago. Hurt people. Good people, bad people, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was whether or not they were in my way.”
I took a deep breath and rubbed my hands together. Fluttershy’s gaze was fixed on me, I couldn’t tell what that look on her face meant.
“One day I made a mistake. I messed with some really powerful people. The kind of people that will kill you just because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I took something from them. They didn’t like that. The stuff you saw was a souvenir from them. Something to remind of what happens when someone steps on their toes, and I stepped on a lot of toes.”
I had just broken rule number one on Celestia’s list. Granted I didn’t tell Fluttershy the whole truth. In fact what I told Fluttershy was a very edited version of the truth. But there was enough in there to get her to wonder about who I really was.
“I’m sorry.” She finally spoke up. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”
“Not your fault Fluttershy.”
“But I still don’t think you are a bad person.”
I looked up at her. I never told her about the stuff I really did, so I can’t expect her to know exactly what she is talking about but something about what she said. Something about how she said it. Like she believed without a shadow of a doubt in what she was talking about. Like she had complete faith in what she was talking about and in me, whether or not she had the whole story.
It had been a while since someone had spoken to me like that.
“I told you…” But this time, it was she that stopped me with a raised hoof.
“You may have done some bad things, sure. And you do have a bit of temper and a foul mouth. But that doesn’t mean you are a bad person Janos. Everypony makes mistakes.”
“Not like mine, Fluttershy.”
“Doesn’t matter, what matters is that you gave up didn’t you? You stopped doing the bad things and you got a proper job right?” I reluctantly nodded. It wasn’t the truth, I never stopped, and I probably never will.
“A bad person wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t see that what he was doing wasn’t right. A bad person wouldn’t have jumped to the rescue of what he thought was a little kid’s pet. A bad person wouldn’t have sprung into action when it all seemed lost when we were restoring the Tree of Harmony. A bad person wouldn’t get along so well with Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. And you wouldn’t be on your way to help an entire village of ponies right after all that happened these past few days.”
I could tell she wanted me to say something but I couldn’t. Fluttershy was so innocent. So naive. She believed everything I did was out of the kindness of my heart. When in truth I was doing it all for the money.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I’m some sort of monster, I don’t dislike what I do. I love every second of it. And I don’t believe there is anything wrong with doing it for the money. Everybody does everything for the money.
What hurts me isn’t that I do bad things and hurt people. I made my peace with that a long time ago. Stealing isn’t what I do. It’s what I am.
What hurts me is that she thinks I am so much more than who I actually am. Everyone in my life knew exactly who I was, a scoundrel, an outlaw, a thief. But not her.
When she looked at me she saw some sort of hero. I was everything but that, and one day she would see the truth. I don't know if I could stand the way she would look at me then.
A couple of hours later I would be leaving for Ore Valley. And as my friends waved me goodbye I wondered if there was any chance I could become the man she thinks I am.
I would have my answer sooner than I expected.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Interlude 3 - The Young Princess.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Interlude 3 - The Young Princess.
Twilight Sparkle breathed a sigh of relief as the chariot lifted off and flew away without another incident. Dealing with Blueblood was bad enough without a certain foul-mouthed human throwing sucker punches left and right. She couldn't understand him, at times Janos was the picture of professionalism, taking his job with the utmost seriousness and acting accordingly, the next he was running around playing stupid pranks on ponies alongside Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, and at other times he was exploding in bouts of anger and behaving like a child.
It was bad enough having to keep an eye on him at all times back in Ponyville, now she had to do the same in Canterlot, where one stray offense directed at the wrong pony could ruin your career. Not that she or he were in much danger of losing their jobs over that, but the nobles of Canterlot could make your life much more difficult than it needed to be out of spite.
As she walked through the endless corridors of Canterlot, Twilight wondered if Janos was really up for this. She understood that he was a very capable thief (as evidenced by his break in on the Hollows) but he hadn't been hired to be a thief, this whole thing was well beyond his area of expertise. Furthermore, she felt like it was too soon to send him out on a mission like this. Janos was very good at pretending to be fine, but it was very clear he was still having trouble adapting to his new lot in life.
Not that Twilight blamed him, not at all. She would probably be doing much worse if she was in his hoof shoes. Never again being able to see her friends or family, stranded in a land completely alien and unfamiliar to her. The only one of her kind in the whole planet, Twilight shuddered at the thought. The fact that he could pretend everything was alright just showed how much stronger he was, Twilight would be a slobbering mess at this point.
However, there were many times when the mask fell. He was having trouble sleeping, Twilight would often find him late at night just sitting in the library with a random book in his hands. She had no right to reprehend another person for staying up all night reading books, but Janos never seemed to be reading anything, instead he just seemed to be sitting there staring at nothing for hours. Other times he would explode at the slightest affront, he usually refrained from using violence to vent his anger but he was obviously having trouble dealing with all the frustration pent up inside of him. Not to mention he refused to share any details about his life and past, at best Twilight and her friends would get vague answers, at worst he would outright lie. He would never be able to heal if he didn't rely on somepony. It seemed that he finally found somepony for that, however, although there was a limit to what he could share with Fluttershy seeing as how Princess Celestia prohibited him from revealing anything about his criminal past with the others.
Which brought her to the next issue. Twilight and Rainbow were also forbidden from discussing it with their friends. Twilight had never lied like this to her friends, and having to do so was proving to be much harder than she thought at first. Why would Celestia not trust the others? True they would have some complaints about having a dangerous outlaw in charge of their protection, but if Twilight and Rainbow could understand it then why not them? She understood the need to keep some things hidden from the general populace, but her friends were directly involved with this, they deserved the truth as much as her.
Maybe this is the price of being a princess, not being able to share everything with her friends anymore. Twilight was liking her new position even less.
But that raised a few more questions. If the princesses were hiding this from them, then what else were they hiding? Not too long ago Twilight was just another civilian like the others, did Celestia hide things like this from her too? What else did Celestia decide Twilight didn't need to know?
Did she send her to Ponyville knowing all too well the other elements were there and that Nightmare Moon would free herself? Did she know it was just a matter of time until Discord broke free? Did she know Cadence was the Crystal Princess and sent her there on purpose?
'No!' She thought, 'Celestia wouldn't do this to us. She loves her subjects she wouldn't treat them like pawns on a board.
"Equestria to Twilight Sparkle!" Celestia's voice startled Twilight yanking her out of her musings. "Still losing herself in that big head of yours I see. I've been trying to get your attention for a while now." She chuckled heartily.
"So sorry Princess." Twilight had to stop herself from bowing down, being surprised like this she almost forgot there was no longer any need for that.
"Call me Celestia, Twilight," Celestia asked her for the nth time. "We're both princesses now, there is no need for this formality."
"Sorry Celestia." Twilight sheepishly smiled at her former mentor turned colleague.
"So what's on your mind dear?" Celestia asked her fellow princess, motioning for them to continue walking.
"Nothing important." Twilight quickly answered, praying Celestia didn't notice her lie. "Just some research I'm in the middle of."
"Oh? What about?" Celestia asked, interested.
'Oh, pony feathers!' Twilight mentally kicked herself, she could already see Janos disapproving gaze judging her for such a feeble excuse. "Janos." She answered without thinking, grimacing just as the words left her mouth.
"Janos?" Celestia repeated, surprised. "Oh, of course!" She quickly added, nodding "His magic is very interesting indeed, I haven't seen anything like it in a thousand years."
'What?' Twilight snapped up at that. Celestia had seen something like it before? She never mentioned anything about that before.
"I can see you're surprised to hear that." The Sun Princess noticed her expression.
"It's just that you haven't mentioned that before," Twilight replied. Was this another of Celestia's cover ups?
"It's not something we speak of much," Celestia answered.
"Us?"
"Luna and I naturally." The older princess answered. "Roughly a thousand years ago there was a villain called Tirek." She began, in hushed tones. "This creature harnessed a terrible power, he could suck the magic out of any being leaving them devoid of it, he and his brother, Scorpan, tried to use this power to steal all the magic in Equestria. However, when Scorpan befriended a unicorn wizard and saw how beautiful Equestria and its inhabitants were, he began to doubt his brother's plan. He pleaded Tirek to give up his machinations and leave Equestria alone but Tirek refused. In the end, he came to us and informed us of Tirek's plan so we could stop him before he could act on it, we did and imprisoned Tirek in Tartarus where he is locked up to this day."
Twilight had never heard this story before, a being with the power to take all the magic of Equestria for himself? That was terrifying! Who knew what would happen to the ponies if their magic was taken away? There was no precedent for this sort of thing, anything could happen!
"Yes, it is a very scary concept," Celestia spoke, with a grim seriousness Twilight had not seen in her mentor before. "And that is why we need to keep a very close eye on our human friend."
"You don't think Janos would try to do something like that do you?" Twilight asked incredulously. Surely she couldn't be insinuating that.
"No, the very fact that Harmony chose him as it's champion shows that despite his appearances and past life, he has a good heart. However, we don't know what could happen should he lose control." She explained.
"But you still sent him to Ore Valley, isn't that risky?" The young princess asked her, voicing the obvious.
"I agree with you Twilight, however, that was Luna's call, not mine."
"Because he is her agent?"
"Precisely." Celestia sighed tiredly. "I asked her to take him so she could have more to do around here. Ponies still don't trust her very well and are set in their ways coming to me with their problems simply because that is how it was always done. It is affecting Luna greatly to see her little ponies rejecting her like this." She explained. "It is painfully familiar." For a second her expression waned, and a look of great sadness took her. Twilight didn't need to ask in order to know what Celestia was thinking.
"I understand."
"However, I forgot how reckless and impulsive my little sister can be." She added with a chuckle. "I suppose she and Janos make a poor pair in that regard."
"I can see that," Twilight remarked. "I just hope that talisman works."
"Luna is an expert in runic magic, I have no doubts her talisman will work," Celestia reassured Twilight. "Don't worry Twilight, I'm sure Janos can handle himself."
"Thank you, Prin- Celestia." Twilight stumbled with her words. "But about his magic."
"Yes?" Celestia hummed, turning a corner and giving a noble couple walking by a short respectful nod.
"How much of it is like Tirek's magic?" She asked, producing her trusted notepad with a simple summoning spell. Perhaps she could get more information out of the princess under the guise of her 'research'. Which wasn't technically a lie she had spent the last few days since the incident on the train reading every book in the Canterlot's Royal Library on the subject.
Celestia huffed shortly and squinted her eyes in thought. "Like Tirek he has the ability to steal other creature's magic, though Tirek seemed to do that by literally sucking the magic out of them, he would take a deep breath and in doing so absorbed their magic through his mouth as if he was breathing it. Janos seems to do that by default, simply being in his presence is enough, tough he can make a conscious effort and actively steal magic through his hands."
"I see." Twilight nodded, already taking notes.
"Tirek was also unable to sense magic, while Janos can quite literally see and feel it in the air."
"So Janos is more efficient than Tirek," Twilight commented.
"Yes and no," Celestia answered. "He has a more efficient method of absorbing magic and his senses are more suited to that, while Tirek can't sense it at all and has a less efficient method having to stop and concentrate but there is another aspect where Tirek is clearly superior."
"Oh? And what is that?" Twilight asked, curiosity taking hold of her.
"Tirek can absorb seemingly endless quantities of magic, the more magic he takes in, the more powerful he becomes, not only magically but also physically. Also, Tirek is in complete control of his power, though if that was always the case or the result of years of training I do not know. While Janos, doesn't seem to have nearly as much control and his magic doesn't seem to enhance his physical attributes at all. And while we can't test this out now, I believe there is a limit to how much magic he can take in." Celestia explained, it was clear she had given this a great deal of thought.
"I see, so Janos wouldn't be as much of a threat as Tirek would then right?" Twilight asked, carefully.
"Janos's power is a very dangerous one Twilight, not only to the ones around but to himself as well. Do not make the mistake of underestimating it." Celestia answered, grimly.
"Of course." Twilight agreed, "I'm just asking... You know... For research."
Celestia gave the young princess a warm smile, "Would you like to join me for some tea Twilight?" She invited the young princess.
"Of course Princess!" Twilight agreed immediately.
Celestia stopped and stared at Twilight, lifting an eyebrow at her former student's insistence on calling her by her title.
"I meant Celestia, sorry." She added, embarrassed.
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"There is nothing like a good cup of tea after a busy day in Day Court." Celestia breathed a sigh of relief, adjusting herself more comfortably on the cushions.
Twilight took a small sip of the tea in front of her before setting it down again.
"So are you going to tell me what is really troubling you or will I have to read about it in a letter?" Celestia finally asked, breaking the silence.
Twilight looked up at her former mentor, sitting there grinning knowingly. "How did you know?"
"Please Twilight, I've known you since you were a filly," Celestia spoke softly in that motherly tone of hers. "There is nothing you can hide from me, my dear."
'Apparently not' Thought Twilight. What was she going to do now? Confess to her mentor and closest friend that she was having doubts about her? She couldn't do that! It would ruin their relationship at worst and hurt Celestia's feelings at best!
Seeing Twilight's inner dilemma playing out in her facial expressions Celestia smiled softly at Twilight's nervousness before reassuring the young princess, "Twilight, there is nothing you can't tell me. Though if it is something you are uncomfortable discussing then that's fine too. I'll wait for as long as it takes until you are ready."
"It's not that Princess..." Twilight explained. "I know I can tell you anything."
"Then what's the problem my most faithful former student?" Celestia asked her.
Twilight took a deep breath and worded her question as well as she could. "Why did you tell us to lie to our friends about Janos?"
Celestia's gaze immediately dropped to the table between her and Twilight. She seemed to be greatly enamored with her teacup all of a sudden, analyzing every aspect of it. "It is a very complicated matter Twilight."
"But Princess, isn't honesty one of the fundamental elements of friendship?" Twilight asked her, desperate for answers. "I can't lie to them for much longer. Applejack already suspects something, it's bad enough that I have to hide something from her, what happens when she comes asking about it?"
"I'm truly sorry for putting you and Rainbow Dash in this position Twilight." Celestia apologized, looking in Twilight's eyes when she did. "But you must understand that as a Princess of Equestria there will be things you will not be able to share with your friends, and Rainbow Dash must understand that when a Princess tells her to give her privacy then she must do so."
"I understand that Princess, but Janos is supposed to be their friend as well." Twilight continued, "This isn't me not sharing state secrets this is me hiding things from them about their friend and protector!"
"Twilight, do you truly think your friends would be as cooperative towards Janos had they known he is a dangerous criminal? Would Applejack be willing to allow him anywhere near her farm? Would Rarity agree to have a thief in her home? Would Fluttershy be comfortable around a stallion who has hurt and killed before?"
"They probably wouldn't," Twilight answered, recognizing Celestia's point. "But with you and Princess Luna vouching for him, I am sure we could move past it. I mean, we did reform Discord didn't we?"
"Yes, and what is your friend's stance towards him?" Celestia asked back.
"With the exception of Fluttershy, they still don't trust him."
"Precisely." Celestia continued. "Sometimes Twilight, we princesses must keep some things to ourselves in order to ensure the safety of our subjects."
Twilight's eyes widened at what Celestia had just said. So she had been hiding things all this time! From Twilight and her friends. What else was she keeping to herself?
"And so we must keep Janos's past hidden from your friends in order to ensure he can do his job properly." Celestia concluded, "I won't lie to you and say it will be easy or pleasant to keep this facade but it is necessary."
"I don't like it," Twilight said, dejected.
"And that fact comforts me greatly," Celestia said. "A lie should never be easy and enjoyable. Unfortunately, it is a necessary evil in our lives but we must take care to not get used to it, it doesn't take much before you become a prisoner to the lies you built around you. Janos would know much about that."
"What do you mean?"
"Lying comes as second nature to him Twilight, surely you've noticed that." Her mentor explained. "I suppose it is a trait one picks up in his line of work, but now all of his relationships are based on lies and half truths. It is no wonder he has so much trouble opening up to somepony, his true nature is always hidden beneath a mask."
"Yes, I've noticed." The young princess agreed, remembering how easily he would lie to her friends. "Do you really think he is a good person, though? The elements must have chosen after all." Twilight asked her, eager to hear Celestia's feelings on the matter.
"Not at all." The princess answered sipping her tea. "I believe he has the potential to find redemption, though, like Discord, Janos would have much to offer Equestria should he use his powers and skills for good."
"So you want us to reform him like we did Discord?"
"I thought that much was obvious, Twilight," Celestia answered amused.
Twilight took another sip of her tea trying to collect her thoughts, her mind was everywhere right now, and she didn't even know how to continue this conversation. It was getting dangerously close to a topic she did not want to approach the Princess with right now. Surely Celestia wouldn't like Twilight sticking her nose where it didn't belong. Though she was a princess now wasn't she? Maybe she deserved to know? But how would she go about asking? She could easily end up sounding confrontational and accusing, and Twilight never wanted to seem to be losing faith in her mentor.
"There is something I've been meaning to ask you," Twilight said, hoping to change the subject.
"Go ahead." Celestia motioned for her to continue.
And Twilight did. "What about the other humans that came to Equestria? One of Luna's guards told me of one today. Lady Alexia."
Celestia immediately perked up at the name. "Ah yes, Alexia." She repeated, letting the name roll off her tongue as if it had been a long time since she said it and had forgotten what it felt like. "Remarkable woman that was. I trust he told you her story?"
"Yes, how she served King Grover, fought the dragons and assisted in unifying Griffonia."
"Yes, she was quite important to Griffon history. Well, besides her there were three more." The Sun Princess continued. "One was a brilliant scholar, who taught Starswirl everything he knew."
"What?! A human was Starswirl's mentor?!" Twilight nearly jumped on top of the table in her excitement.
"Yes." Celestia chuckled at Twilight's surprise. "Though I never met him, Starswil said he died long before he finished his studies. But he was said to have been a genius when it came to magic despite not being able to cast a single spell."
"Amazing." Twilight breathed out, so stunned she forgot to write this new piece of information down. "I never read about this anywhere."
"Well, it was during Discord's reign, we have very few records of that time. The only mention of this human that I know of is found in Starswill's private journals, which aren't available for public use for obvious reasons. Strangely enough, he never mentioned his mentor on his books."
"What was his name?"
"Starswil called him Paidagogós. Though that seems to be a title rather than a name." Celestia explained.
"Another language?" Twilight asked, already filing that topic under 'Things to ask Janos about later.'
Celestia nodded in confirmation. "Yes, I do believe it was this human's native language. Unlike Janos, he didn't understand equestrian when he arrived."
Another mystery. How did Janos know how to speak equestrian when he arrived? "What about the other?" She asked, eager to learn more.
"The next human to show up was Alexia, but some years after she died another one arrived in our world. He was a good friend of mine." Celestia continued. "He walked out of the Badlands some decades after Luna's banishment. I had had plenty of time to get used to not having my sister around anymore but I still really needed a friend then."
Twilight was listening intently, Celestia rarely discussed her past like this. She did have plenty of anecdotes and stories from her past that she was more than happy to share with visiting dignitaries, but she rarely ever talked about anything that was truly personal. Perhaps when you get to be one thousand years old there are some memories that are just too painful to bring up.
"His name was Samson. I met him many years after his arrival. I was attending a festival in a small town to the north of what today is Baltimare." She began, a look of recollection lighting up her face as she stared intently at the teacup resting on the small table between them, almost as if she could see that memory playing out right there. "They had a tournament for the local nobles, they were mostly barons and such, small families that owned small holdings in the edges of Equestria," She continued. "Somehow he managed to befriend one of the local barons and took a position at the town's guard. He came in second at the tournament and driven by curiosity I requested a private meeting with the baron and his guard. We were fast friends after that."
"What happened to him?"
"He died." She answered, finally looking up to meet Twilight's eyes. "He was hardly immortal after all," Celestia added with a rather forced chuckle.
"Yes, of course." Twilight agreed, feeling rather awkward about that question. "What about the other?"
"The last one I know very little of," Celestia admitted. "There were rumors coming from the minotaur clans some three hundred centuries ago. They spoke of a creature very much resembling a human walking about Minors uniting all sorts of criminals under him."
"Rumors?" Twilight asked, rather surprised. "So we don't know whether or not there was actually any truth to it?"
"Actually, we do," Celestia answered. "He eventually got greedy and tried expanding, setting up shop in Yakyakistan. A joint operation formed by several minotaurs war parties and the yaks military destroyed his operation and he presumed killed in a particularly violent and chaotic battle."
"Presumed?"
"They never found a body -or perhaps they never claimed to find a body- so they assumed he was dead or dying. Since humans don't usually live three hundred years I feel very safe in declaring him dead now."
"I had no idea there had been so many humans in our world already." Twilight said, "To think that Janos is already the fifth. I spent entire days in the Royal Library, how come I hadn't heard of this before?"
Celestia chuckled. "Well, Twilight, contrary to popular belief you have not, in fact, read every book in the Royal Library thrice over."
Twilight blushed. "Ah, yes that is true." Twilight Sparkle was not yet aware of this but by the time she turned thirty she would have read every book in the Royal Library at least once, that's not nearly as impressive as the rumors that circulate around the Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns but it is commendable nonetheless.
She would be awarded a medal to congratulate the fact. No other pony would ever come close to being awarded the Medal of Unwavering Bookworminess.
"Most of this information is hidden away in ancient tomes and forgotten books if it is present on any of our records at all that is. Griffons are remarkably stingy and unwilling to share such things with outsiders and the minotaurs don't put much trust in the written word, preferring instead to rely on passing down stories and such to record their history. I pity their Keepers of Stories greatly." The princess explained. "The only human we managed to properly record in our books was Samson."
Twilight was about to say something when a knock came from the door. "Your Highnesses?" Came the voice of one Celestia's guards.
"Yes, Bright Shield?" Celestia asked. "Please come in dear." She invited him.
The guard opened the door and his helmet adorned face peeked out from behind it. "Prince Ichor is here to see you, Your Majesty."
"Ah! I see." Celestia said, immediately frowning at the name. Blueblood's father was almost as much as a bother to deal with as the young prince. If anything his particular brand of manipulation was more enjoyable because at the very least he was smart about it, instead of annoyingly on his technical relation to the princesses to get what he wanted. "I'll be with him in a moment." She told the guard, who promptly left to deliver the message.
"I'm terribly sorry Twilight, but it seems I must inform old Ichor why exactly I dispatched his son to a backwater town on the edge of the most dangerous territory in Equestria." She said in a tired tone of voice. "Heavens forbid Luna to actually deal with the consequences of her actions..."
"It's all right Celestia, I should be getting ready for the trip back to Ponyville anyway."
"Perfect then. I hope to repeat this with you soon Twilight." Celestia spoke, getting and motioning for Twilight to follow her. "I do terribly miss our weekly meetings from when you lived here."
"Me too Princess, me too."
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 14 - Arrival at Ore Valley.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 14 - Arrival at Ore Valley.
"So, since we've got some hours to kill until we get there." Gilbert flew alongside the chariot, keeping up with us. "I've been meaning to ask how did a human like yourself find himself in the Princess of the Moon's employ?"
"Well, it's kind of a weird story," I warned him, still trying to find a position on that damn chariot that didn't make nauseous, (There is none, by the way, the whole thing was a death trap pulled by pegasi.)
He smiled beneath his helmet. "My favorites."
So I began to regale him, and Blueblood who suddenly seemed very interested in my story, about my chance meeting with the Young Princess.
He was a great listener, gasping in surprise and laughing in all the right parts. I love seeing a man (Bird?) who understands that a story also needs a good listener.
"So you say you came from another world?" He asked me.
"Did Alexia leave that part out?"
"All that the stories say is that she came from far away, whether or not that's what Alexia herself claimed is another matter, though."
"I see." Part of me wanted to believe that there was a small gathering of humans hiding away in some forgotten corner of this world, but I knew better. "They are technically correct if you think about it."
"Oh yes, an entire world away from home is about as far away as you can get." He chuckled, before catching himself and adding in a haste. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply- I mean, I'm sure the princesses can find a way to-"
"Don't worry about it," I answered, reassuring the nervous and embarrassed griffon. "I've made my peace with it I guess."
Gilbert cleared his throat awkwardly, "Of course, of course." He nodded.
Now that I could get a good look at him, I could truly appreciate his armor. It was very different from those of the night guards who we're pulling the chariot. His helmet covered his whole face only showing his lower jaw when he talked, it was very sleek and streamlined sporting a small spike on his forehead and descended a bit further at his peak where it became razor sharp. It was as much a piece of armor as it was a weapon. Like the rest of his suit, it was painted dark blue and had some silver adornments.
The rest of his armor was much lighter, sporting more chainmail and leather than plate, after all, he needed to fly in it. He carried a powerful looking crossbow hanging from a strap on his belt, and a small ax strapped to his waist. The curious thing here were his wings.
In the interest of mobility they had almost no armor strapped to them, except for one piece. A blade ran along the spine of their wings (I have no idea what to call that part of the wing, I'm not a birdologist or whatever.)
He seemed to catch me staring at his wings because he soon met my gaze and answered my unspoken questions. "We call it the Last Resort." Gilbert spoke, tilting his wings a bit to allow me to see better, 'Though some call them Grover's Triumph since he created them and baptized them in battle when he was outnumbered five to one with a wounded wing."
"I take it they are no used often then?"
"Oh no, we use them a lot, mostly to keep attackers out of our flanks," Gilbert explained. "The blades are very brittle and light since we need light wings in order to fly, but nogriffon wants to get near a soldier wearing these in their wings since we are very dextrous with them, even if they can't do much, a blow to the neck is still dangerous."
"So why are they called The Last Resort?" I asked him.
"Because if you have to depend on them then you're probably not going to make it." He answered grimly. "Using them as aides in combat is fine and all but if you're depending on them to survive, rather than an ax, sword or spear, then you're probably already grounded and outnumbered."
"Grover made it," I argued.
"Well, King Grover also got all the griffon clans to look past their quarrels and work together." He chuckled once again. "That bird had a knack for accomplishing the impossible is all I'm saying."
"What about you sergeant?" Blueblood spoke up, breaking the silence he had been holding since we took off. "What made you join the Equestrian Guard? No love for your country?"
I immediately elbowed him in the sides for that remark. "Show some respect to your superiors, or I'll wipe that smirk off your face with sandpaper."
Gilbert still looked very uncomfortable with his recent standing with the young prince. "Well, Equestria is my country Pri- Private." He corrected himself, "I was born here, but my parents came from a town on the coast where many Equestrian ships came for trade."
"Old wall?" Blueblood asked.
"Talon Bay."
"I see." The prince muttered. "How sad then."
The flapping of wings caught my attention before I could ask what was up with that. Turning to the other side of the chariot I found Seargent Sure Glide accompanying us.
"Skies are clear, sir!" He declared, saluting me.
"Good job then." I nodded at him. "Join us Seargent, we're killing some time until our arrival."
Sure-Glide was a very different sort from the rest of the guards here in that he hardly wore armor at all. A leather jacket with a hood and a couple of hardened leather guards for his shins and wings were all the protection he wore. He seemed to be somewhat of a scout so I suppose it made sense.
For weaponry, he carried what seemed to be a small spear.
"What are we talking about?" He asked.
"We were just talking about our heritage, Seargent." Blueblood clarified before I or Gilbert could answer. "Would you care to share your origins with us Sir?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. What was he planning?
"Nothing very impressive I'm afraid," Sure-Glide answered sheepishly. "Mom was a baker in Cloudsdale and Dad is a flying instructor at the Flight Camp there, and Lil sis is still in school."
"Was?" I asked.
"Mom passed away when my sister was born. Been fifteen years now." He clarified, his smile dropping slightly.
"Sorry for your loss, Seargent."
"Thank you, sir."
"Well, I on the other hoof come from an old and respected family." Blueblood proudly declared, clearly having not paid any attention to what Sure Glide was saying. "My family is, of course, a direct descendant to Princess Platinum, and ever since Auntie Celestia and Luna were crowned we've been working closely with them, eventually earning the honor of being considered their blood even! Why my mother is one of the most respected members of the council of nobles in the last century and my father is a most gifted businesspony, owning land and property all over Equestria."
"The point Blueblood, if you'll please." I cut him off before he could continue spewing bullshit.
"My point, Agent Janos, is that placing me in such a humiliating and quite senseless position is foolish." He answered, annoyed "A unicorn of my blood is worthy of at the least the rank of Captain." Blueblood spoke as if this much was obvious. Even a child should notice that.
"Are you saying Princess Luna is foolish Blueblood?" I asked him, sarcasm in my voice.
"What? Of course not, I am merely saying that- What I am saying is-" He stumbled.
"Because if you'll recall she is the one that ordered you to be put in this position, not me."
"Of course she did. What I am saying is that my talents are better suited to a position of command." He stamped his hoof on the floor for emphasis.
"Talents?" I asked him, scoffing. "And talents are that?"
I should never have asked.
I'll spare you the details, but it suffices to say the next two hours were very long indeed. I have never met someone who liked to talk about himself more than this guy does. He went on and on about how his father had him attend the best schools available, how he had the best trainers and instructors that money could buy, and let's not forget that he graduated from the Equestrian Officer School with honors.
Having the option to get away, Sure Glide and Gilbert soon left to attend to their guards and I was left alone to endure Blueblood's speech.
But, I have to admit if even half of what this pompous ass claim ends up being true then he really could prove to be very useful in the following days.
Soon the sun began to set and the green hills gave way to an arid and dry stretch of land. Canterlot Mountain began to disappear behind us and we could already see the Macintosh Hills in the horizon. "How long until we get there?" I asked one of the guards pulling the carriage, while Blueblood yapped away, completely unaware I had stopped listening.
"Maybe an hour, sir." He answered. "We should be reaching Dodge City in about fifteen minutes and from there we just follow the road down to the Badlands."
I thanked him and turned around, reaching my backpack. I double checked the contents inside making sure I had everything I would need. Bullets, water canteen, first aid kit, a compass and some extra clothes in case I need them. Everything seemed to be in order. Grabbing my rifle I made sure everything was in working order before setting it down again. Nothing left but to wait.
Dodge City came and went and the land bellow us became more and more barren. Blueblood finally tired of speaking and resigned to sit there looking annoyed, occasionally muttering something about how his armor didn't fit right or itched too much.
"If you don't want armor Blueblood, you can always go without," I suggested the third time he complained about how his helmet ruined his mane. He stayed silent the rest of the way.
A few minutes later Gilbert returned. "We should be touching ground in about ten minutes sir." He notified me.
"Thank the gods." I breathed relieved. "I'm itching to get out of this death trap." He chuckled.
"Sure Glide took the scouts and flew ahead of us," Gilbert said.
Good, the last thing I want is to be caught by surprise.
"Strange thing isn't it? The way these Diamond Dogs started harassing this place?" The griffon remarked. "It's odd enough that they came this far south and on top of that they start trying to take over a village? Never expected to see that."
I'm not an expert of Diamond Dogs by far, but even I was caught unaware by that. Every book I read said these Dogs didn't care much for anything but precious gems, they avoided pony settlements, only coming near them looking to kidnap one or two ponies to use as forced labor. They didn't care much for metals either, so there is no reason they would be attacking a settlement like that, they know the Guard will crack down hard on that. At most, they will attack traders on the road looking to steal some essentials.
"Maybe they're working for somepony else." Blueblood suddenly spoke up.
Gilbert and I immediately turned to him. "What?" I asked.
Blueblood sighed in frustration as if he was talking to children. "Maybe somepony else is pulling the strings. Somepony after the mithril in those mines." He elaborated.
"Who would be stupid enough to rely on Diamond Dogs?" Gilbert asked, "They're not exactly renowned for their intelligence and cunning."
"I'm not saying it's a particularly clever move," Blueblood argued. "Only that it is a possibility. Diamond Dogs are laughably easy to buy after all, simply shake some shiny stones in front of their muzzles and they'll do anything to get them."
"It's something to keep in mind." I conceded. I might not like Blueblood very much but I was never one to let my personal feelings get in the way of the mission. "We won't know until we get there, though."
"Good thing we're there then." Gilbert pointed ahead, and the silhouette of Ore Valley lay on the horizon.
The village sat between two high stone walls and marked the entrance to the Badlands. It seemed to have been built on the very walls that limited the village, growing upwards reaching close to the top. Around it, we could see some farms, though it was very hard to see anything under the moonlight.
"All right everyone!" I shouted to the pegasi pulling our chariot. "Full steam ahead! Sooner we get there sooner we get some warm food in ourselves!" They shouted excitedly at the prospect of food and rest, and the chariot jumped slightly as they picked up their pace.
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"Agent Janos I presume?" A soft voice called from behind me as I got out of the chariot, relieved to be on solid ground again. Behind me, Gilbert and Sure Glide were coordinating the pegasi that brought us here, and Blueblood stood around refusing to do any work unless ordered otherwise.
"That's right," I answered, turning to meet the pony who called me. "First Lieutenant Troubled Skies sent you?" I asked the meek looking pegasus in front of me.
"No sir, I am Lieutenant Skies." She answered, looking very unsure of herself. She was a small thing, even for a pegasus who were generally the smallest of the three tribes. She wore standard issue armor but had a small indentation on her chest and shoulders showing her rank. Skies had a white coat adorned with brown spots all over, one of the most prominent ones covered her whole muzzle, her mane was short and colored gray as was her tail. Her cutie mark was covered by her armor but I could guess her special talent by the name alone.
"Oh, sorry about that." I apologized.
"It's alright sir." She assured me, "Even I am not used to being an officer."
I chuckled, "I'm sure you'll get the hang of it. And drop the sir, Skies, Luna said we would be equals for the duration of this mission."
"Of course! I'm sorry about that, it's just that you're an Agent of the Crown, that kind of title holds a lot of weight around here. Makes it kinda hard to think of myself as your equal." She rushed to apologize.
"I'm not your usual agent," I said, trying to reassure her but causing the opposite reaction. "Look, I am very new to the military and Equestria in general. I'm sure the princess wanted things this way so you could help me get used to this whole thing." I explained. "Blueblood, get to work." I spat at him.
"Blueblood?" Skies asked, eyes wide in surprise. "Prince Blueblood?"
"The one and only." He answered, totally uninterested in the poor mare.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry your highness!" Skies dropped to her knees in a matter of seconds. "I didn't recognize your majesty in that armor, please forgive me."
Before Blueblood could bask in the attention, however, I intervened. "Get up Skies, Princess Luna ordered that Blueblood here be treated like any other recruit."
"What? But why?" She asked, still kneeling down.
"He's a spoiled brat and an insufferable prick and she hopes he will acquire some character here." I ignored Blueblood's look of anger and unbridled rage at my comments on his character.
"Very well, then." She got up slowly, no doubt expecting this whole thing to be a misunderstanding. "Anyway, I came to take you to the mayor and his sheriff. They've been wanting to meet with you ever since they heard an agent was coming here."
I sighed. Somehow this did look like it was going to be fun. "Lead on Lieutenant," I told her. "Gilbert!" I called up to the griffon, who was now discussing something with one of the locals, his head shot up in my direction and caught my gaze. "Make sure Blueblood is put to some use!" He seemed uncertain but saluted nonetheless.
Troubled Skies lead me through the village's main street, wich ran between the stone walls of the canyon where it was situated. The houses and building looked more like shacks than anything else, it seemed that the inhabitants build this whole thing on a budget and on a hurry. The only sturdy looking thing here were the saloon and what seemed to be the main house of the village, no doubt where the mayor lived.
"So, when Princess Luna said I would know who the agent was when I saw him she wasn't kidding huh?" The lieutenant mentioned as we walked.
"She didn't say I was a human?" I asked her. Didn't take Luna for a prankster.
"Nopes, I had to find out by reading your file. Or whatever wasn't covered up in your file."
"I have a file?"
She nodded, "Eeyup, a very redacted one at that." Skies explained. "Everypony on the guard has a file, the Princess included it with the rest of the material she sent me for the mission."
I had received some of these materials as well, mostly it was mission parameters and boring stuff like that, but there were no files on any of the personnel here. Why had Skies gotten my file if I didn't get hers?
"It says there that you're a foreign mercenary hired by the princesses." She continued. "How did that happen anyway? Equestria doesn't hire mercenaries very often and when we do hire it's usually a whole company, not just one stallion."
"Kind of a weird story really," I answered, remembering my talk with Gilbert when a thought struck me. If Luna didn't share that information with Troubled Skies then I wasn't really supposed to be telling people about it was I? And now I had already told Gilbert and Blueblood, and no doubt some of the guards pulling the chariot were listening too so that cat was out of the bag.
"You'll have to tell me sometime." She said, "I'm sure we'll have time."
"Yeah," I answered without thinking, wondering whether or not Luna would be too pissed off at me.
"Well, we're here." She announced as we approached the big House on the end of the street. It seemed to be built on the side of the stone wall like every other building here. The words 'City Hall' were etched above the door.
Lieutenant Skies walked up to the doors and knocked softly on them.
The door opened slightly and someone started talking with the Lieutenant, though I couldn't see them. "Who is it?" A gruff voice answered.
"Lieutenant Skies." She answered. "The agent is here and the mayor asked me to bring him here."
"Get in." The voice said, opening the door revealing our welcome committee. Inside were two ponies, the first was an old looking earth pony, he wore a stetson and a brown jacket with a gold star on it, no doubt that was the sheriff, the other was younger and a mare, she wore a similar jacket but hers was black and adorned with a silver star.
"Janos, these are Sheriff Silver Mane and his deputy, Miss Sugar Song." Troubled Skies introduced us.
"Nice to meet you both." I greeted them, but Silver Mane simply grunted and turned away, quickly disappearing behind some door. Sugar Song though, smiled warmly and greeted me back.
"Nice to meet you too agent." She spoke cheerfully. "Don't mind the Sheriff, he's not very friendly but his heart's in the right place."
"No doubt," I muttered.
"Follow me please, the mayor is waiting." She motioned for us to follow us and started walking with a certain energy to her step. Reminded me of Pinkie Pie.
The City Hall was very simple. The first room we saw was the reception, which had a simple desk across the room and some chairs between the two. Sugar Song led us through another door next to the desk and up some stairs, through a corridor with a couple of doors on both sides and a lone door on the opposite wall to us, where we found the Sheriff waiting for us. 'Mayor Lucky Day' was written on the door.
"Mayor!?" Sugar Song yelled out, knocking at the door. "I got the agent here! He's really strange looking!" I ignored that remark.
"Come in! Come in and stop shouting!" The mayor shouted in return. Sugar Song opened the door with a big smile on her face and motioned for me to go inside, but the Sheriff shoved me aside going first. I was too tired to deal with him so I let it slide, but I would be remembering this later.
"Ah, Agent Janos!" The mayor greeted me, her forelegs wide open. She was sitting on a desk across from us, a light pink unicorn with a puffy light blue mane. She wore a very fancy looking pair of red glasses and seemed to not have been sleeping well for days now. "Please come in and take a seat." She motioned for one of the chairs in front of her desk. The Sheriff was already standing protectively next to the mayor. "You too Lieutenant." Lucky Day added, once she saw Skies entering after me.
"Thank you," I said as I sat down. Skies did the same. Now that I got a good look at her, the mayor also seemed a little older looking.
"Can I get you two anything?" She asked us, but both me and Skies refused politely.
"I heard you wanted to talk to me?" I asked her.
"Straight to the point aren't we?" The mayor spoke with a sly smile on her face.
"No offense ma'am but I had a long trip and I'm a tad tired," I explained myself. The truth is politicians rub me the wrong way and I'd rather get this over with as quickly as possible.
"Of course, of course." She nodded, as Sugar Song took her place beside the mayor, mirroring the sheriff. "Well, yes I do want a word with you." She began, levitating some papers with her magic and storing in one of the drawers on her desk. "I simply wanted to meet with the elusive Agent of the Night Crown, Lieutenant Skies here refused to share anything with me about you."
"I'm sorry ma'am but any information about the agents is classified." Skies said, sounding rehearsed. "I am simply not at liberty to disclose any of it."
"Of course." The mayor conceded. "But I am sure the agent himself is allowed to tell us a little about himself. hmm?"
"I'm sorry Mayor Day, but I'm afraid Princess Luna doesn't want me running my mouth," I explained, banking on Skies' excuse.
"Oh." She looked very disappointed, her gaze dropping to her desk before clearing her throat and looking up at me again. "Very well then. Let's get to business. What exactly do you plan to do about these dogs that are harassing us? We lost another farm last week and we can't afford to lose anymore."
"First of all, we need to know where these dogs are coming from." I began, "No doubt they have a network of tunnels somewhere nearby where they operate from. We need to find that, do we have any leads?"
"So far all we know is that they are coming somewhere from the south." Skies answered me. "From inside the Badlands itself." More unusual news. Diamond Dogs in the Badlands? There was nothing there but a barren wasteland. What were they doing there?
Sheriff Mane snorted, stifling a laugh very poorly.
"Something to say, sheriff?" I asked him.
"Plenty." He answered, "But I ain't got the time of the mind for it."
"Well, whenever you feel like sharing let me know." I smiled at him, the sheriff grunted and snorted but remained silent. "Back to the topic on hand, the dogs are mainly attacking the farms correct?" The mayor nodded. "Have we taken any measured about that?"
"I have smaller squads of guards taking turns watching over them." Skies answered me. "So far we have been somewhat successful in keeping them at bay, but it's tough when there is no perimeters we can guard." Makes sense, the dogs are probably just digging beneath the guarded perimeter to attack their targets.
"How about those tunnels? Anyone tried to-"
"Yes, and they bring those tunnels down as soon as they're done using them." Skies answered again. "Almost lost a squad that way."
"Hmm." I rubbed my chin in contemplation. I never faced an enemy like that before, besides, usually I am the one breaking in not the one defending. This mission would prove to be a real challenge. "I've got an idea, but it could be dangerous."
"Well, we are listening agent." The mayor motioned me to continue.
"A couple of friends of mine manage to gain access to another Diamond Dogs's tunnels by baiting them with gems." I began explaining. "I'm thinking we do something similar."
"But what do we use as bait?" Sugar Song asked me.
"They are coming for the farms, right? I say we retreat from one of them, the dogs will come for it and we ambush them."
"What!?" Sheriff Silver Mane roared. "You want to give those mutts another of our farm?! We are nearly running out of food as it is, why don't you slit our throats and be done with it?!" He yelled at me with his rough voice, nearly spitting his words all over the mayor's desk.
"You got a better idea sheriff?" I asked him. "You said it yourself, you are running out of food and time. So far, we've been fighting on their terms, we need to catch them by surprise and fight them on our terms now."
"But it's not going to work." Skies jumped in the conversation. "The moment they notice we got the upper hoof they'll just dig their way out of the trap and collapse the tunnels behind them, we won't be able to follow."
"I don't want to follow them," I argued. "I want to capture one of them alive."
The sheriff scoffed. "Good luck with that, agent ."
"Don't forget that I am the agent here and you a sheriff from some backwater town Silver Mane." I spat back at him. "Don't underestimate me, it's been the last mistake of many before you."
Silver Mane was livid. His face heated up until it was as red as a tomato, but before he could blow up in my face, the mayor lifted a hoof, signaling him to control himself. "Please, we are all on the same side here are we not?" She asked everyone in the room. "I am sure those dogs would like nothing more than to see us fighting amongst ourselves. Agent Janos, are you one hundred percent certain you can pull this off?"
"Yes, Mayor Day," I answered.
"Then Sheriff Silver Mane and his deputy will assist you and your guards in any way possible." The old sheriff was about to argue when the
mayor cut him off again. "I don't want to hear it, Silver Mane. He is our best bet at defeating these dogs and you know it. Now swallow your pride and do your job."
The sheriff muttered something akin to an acknowledgment and stormed out the room. "Sheriff! Wait for me! C'mon boss don't be like that!" Sugar Song rushed after him, "Sorry about that guys." She apologized in hushed tones as she passed us by.
"I apologize as well, Silver Mane has never liked when Canterlot gets involved in our affairs." She explained. "And after the way, we struggled to simply get a response from the crown he grew to trust the guard even less."
"It's fine Mayor," Skies assured her, "As long as he works hard we can put up with some attitude, right Janos?" She playfully struck me in the arm.
"Yeah, sure," I answered. "Is there anything else you need Miss Day?"
"Not at all Agent Janos."
"Then I must be going, I need food and some rest." I spoke as I got up, "Tomorrow Lieutenant Skies and I will coordinate with the local militia to put our plan in motion."
"Of course agent." She agreed, nodding along. "Please do not be afraid to come to me if you need anything at all. Just talk to my assistant and she will arrange a meeting."
"We will, Mayor Day." Skies got up as well. We shook hands (hooves) with the mayor and left City Hall to the saloon that the guards were using as a base of operations.
I had hardly started my work here and I was already fed up with something. Joy.
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The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
Chapter 6 - Where Rarity accidentally confesses her love for me.
The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria
An Unlikely Hero.
Chapter 6 - Where Rarity accidentally confesses her love for me.
Following our little adventure at the old castle, my life took a turn to the boring. Because of my busted arm, I was forced to spend most of my time taking it easy, so my days mostly consisted of a certain cycle. I would spend the better part of a day hanging around one of the girls, mostly doing nothing, so each day I would stay with a different one until day seven where I would reset back to the first one, it didn't come to this quite yet but it was a nice system. There were some problems, though.
This proved particularly hard with Rainbow since her job mostly consists of flying around the entirety of Ponyville, so I decided to just sit back and relax by the lake where she usually practices after her shift. She would find me there after work and proceed to 'impress' me with her amazing skills and expert flying techniques. All joking aside, she is a pretty awesome flyer, or maybe that's just me being so unfamiliar with the world of pegasi stunt flyers that I think any amateur looks amazing. So perhaps we shouldn't take my opinion so seriously.
Luckily enough my busted arm gave me a great excuse to avoid having to help Applejack with farm work. However, I did have to watch over her little sister and help her with homework and stuff. Not that I'm complaining, Applebloom is actually a very sweet kid and I did have a lot of fun providing emotional support while she took care of her own chores.
Fluttershy was simply pleasant. We had tea and talked about a lot of different things, and she provided plenty of valuable insight on the little side project I had picked up. But more on that later. Also, she actually had her little rabbit, Angel, apologise for the little stunt he pulled back at the Castle of the Two Sisters, granted that might have been one of the fakest and half-assed apologies I've ever seen, but the sight of a talking yellow pegasus forcing a semi-sentient bunny to apologize to me kinda overshadowed that.
Rarity was also the same sort of quiet pleasantness. I would mostly help her around the shop, while my arm did prevent me from doing certain things, it was still fairly easy to carry rolls of fabric and mannequins (pony quin ns?) around. She did try to stop me from overexerting myself and ending up more hurt than I already was, but I shrugged her off. By the third day the treatment, Doctor Horse, and Twilight devised for my unique physiology was already working wonders and my arm was almost completely healed. And I was only using my free arm so it's not like it would cause that much trouble.
I also got to meet Rarity's little sister that way. And I've got to say, I don't think I've ever seen something quite as cute as that in years, after the initial shock of seeing a freaky six foot clothed, hairless ape rummaging through her fridge wore off, she quickly began pestering me with question after question that ranged from the most banal to surprisingly insightful stuff like if I wore all those clothes because I didn't have any fur to keep myself warm myself. I mean, sure it's pretty obvious, but I didn't expect a ten-year-old to jump to that conclusion so fast.
All in all, this week was an amazing opportunity for me to catch up on all the books Twilight set aside for me. Everything from history and geography to bestiaries and basic magical theory, basically anything Twilight thought would relate to my job and help me settle in. Oddly enough plenty of the historical books were hilariously outdated, even more strangely this seemed to mostly apply to the non-pony related books, or to books written by non-ponies, of which the most recent was around some hundred years old. But, according to her, this was mostly a problem concerning the Golden Oak Library. Canterlot's Royal Library, on the other hand, was constantly kept up to date, while she had to make do with whatever she found when she took over the local library and with what her budget could get her. I asked her why she had never ordered some new copies from Canterlot, since she obviously has the means to do so (especially now that she was royalty), her answer was that she didn't want to overstep her boundaries, after all, she had a budget for a reason.
The bestiaries, however, were much more recent. Mostly because they were all written by ponies from Equestria and such were easily distributed around. The interesting thing here is that most of the monsters and creatures in this land seem to be the myths and legends found back home, sure plenty of the creatures described here don't look exactly like what the legends say they do. But that's to be expected. What isn't so fun is the prospect of having to face one of those things in the future, especially when the forest right next to town is the natural habitat to quite a handful of these species.
So I decided to use my recently acquired free time to begin my own set of notes, most of my time was spent researching these creatures, or at the very least the ones I was more likely to encounter, I obviously couldn't go out in the field to study them but I could compare the differences between authors and researchers and them transcribe everything I found in separate files so I could have quick access to these notes. Needless to say Twilight would be ecstatic to find out I could be such a scholar, which is why I kept my work hidden from her.
Well, I wasn't hiding stuff in secret compartments or anything, I just made sure not to work on it while she was around to see me, or I would work when I was with the other girls, who promised not to tell Twilight about it, (even though with the exception of Rainbow, I didn't have a lot of opportunities to focus on my work), and kept my notes and such simply out of sight.
I should have known, however, that you can't hide science from Twilight Sparkle. Sooner or later her 'nerd radar' will pick you up. Unfortunately, that fateful day was today.
It had been a quiet morning so far. Five days after we came back from the Castle of the Two Sisters and my arm was now pretty much back to full strength. I was working on my little pet project in my room, and as is the norm when I do research, the place was a mess. Papers and books were spread all over my bed, which became my temporary work desk since I don't actually have one. There was a pile of books next to the bed and the trash can across the room was surrounded by a multitude of crumpled balls of my failed or sub-par work. Yeah, I also don't know how I made it to day five without her noticing it.
But my peace was interrupted when Twilight simply barged into my room without so much as knocking, "Janos, I wanted to check if tofu was alright with you, we couldn't find any..." She trailed off upon seeing the mess in front of her eyes, and the lone human sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and plenty of open books and papers surrounding him. "Are..." She began, unsure of what she was seeing, "Are you doing research?" Twilight finally asked, with that tone of incredulity she gets every time I'm caught being smarter than she expects me to be.
I looked around slowly, and quickly developed the perfect answer to that question, "Maybe?" Perfect save. "Also tofu is not an acceptable replacement for meat, It insults me that you had to ask."
"Since when?"
"I don't know, since they came up with it I guess."
"No, since when have you been doing this?"
"Oh! Pretty much since you gave me the books." I answered stretching my back and moaning slightly at the satisfying pops from my spine. "Figured I could do with a complete portrayal of the species." No reason in trying to lie anymore.
Twilight picked up my notes with her magic and quickly read through a couple of them "Manticores, cockatrices, lamias and hydras." She whispered as she went along. After she was done she would carefully put each note in the exact place where she found it. "You're comparing different authors and editions, highlighting disparities on their works..."
"Yeah, plenty of them have very differing opinions about some of the creatures, I'm just trying to get everything in one place for ease of access." I explained, "Not very concerned with what version is right or wrong at the moment since I can't really prove or disprove their claims."
"There is even some stuff here I'm pretty sure I've never read about! Where did you get that information?" She finally noticed what I was dreading so much. More reasons for more dreaded hours long interrogation sessions with Sparkle.
"Those are whatever I can remember from the legends back home, plenty of these creatures show up in human folklore at some point or another and some of the stuff I heard about isn't touched on in your books. So I decided to include that too, just in case we were onto something." I don't think I've ever seen someone's eyes light up with such joy and wonder before. Maybe that time Emyr got the green light to use all our supply of C4 for the escape plan that time... All forty pounds of it. It's a good thing we were in the middle of nowhere so no civilians could be hurt because I have never seen a medieval castle fall that fast before.
People like us are the bane of historians and archaeologists everywhere.
But I ramble, back to the matter at hand. "C'mon Twilight, I told you about that before," I argued, getting just a tad bit scared with her nonsensical rambling.
"I just didn't think you had any actual information about that except what you might vaguely remember from some unreliable source." She finally addressed me, "This is amazing! Do you know what this means?"
"No?"
"We could be research buddies!" Twilight gleefully exclaimed, hugging me and jumping up and down on my bed, suddenly completely unconcerned with maintaining my organized chaos... Well, organized. "I finally have somepony to help me go through the books together! I could get stuff done twice as fast!"
"Please don't." I somehow managed to speak as she crushed my head between her forelegs and chest. I was suddenly very aware of how naked and feminine Twilight was. Me noticing these mares in a (dare I say it?) 'sexual' manner was starting to become more frequent as the days passed.
Gods, I really miss human women. I should have packed some magazines or something for that trip.
"Nonsense, we'll be the best research buddies ever! Of all times!" She squeezed harder, and then I found out ponies can be surprisingly strong. "Oh, there is so much you can help me with!"
Needless to say, this wasn't going well. Don't get me wrong, Twilight is a wonderful girl but when we get to science territory she gets a bit too excited. I can hardly deal with her 'interviews' about the human world, and while I do consider myself a pretty big nerd and am happy to help where I can, there is only so much I can put up with. After all, I did choose 'miscellaneous unlawful activities' and not 'science' as my career of choice.
"Twilight. Twilight." Managing to wrestle myself out of her grip, even with the now piercing pain in my shoulder. I shoved her gently aside and began to pick up the stray notes she had tossed aside in her excitement. "I was hired as your bodyguard remember? Not your assistant, you have Spike for that already."
"Spike is a great librarian assistant." She said, getting the hint and putting some space between the two of us on the bed, she also noticed her mistake and began to recover the notes she tossed everywhere. "But he is not a really good scientist assistant you know?"
"Just to clarify, I'm not much of a scientist either. I just know my away around books and stuff." I argued.
"But that's all I need you for." She whined. "C'mon Janos, pleaaaaaase?" Goddammit I can't handle the puppy face.
"Fine. I'll help." She immediately began to celebrate but I quickly cut her off.
"But only when I'm free, don't expect me to drop everything to go catalog a bunch of books with you."
"Where did you learn that by the way?" She asked, now glancing through the notes and putting them in some order. "I'm guessing 'Thief School' didn't really teach you all that."
"Actually it did. It wasn't a school, though, more like a small training facility for kids who dreamed of making it big in the criminal underworld." I explained, "They taught us all sort of stuff there."
"Really? I always assumed you just kind of ended up being a thief."
"I keep telling you Twilight. Master Thief, not thief." I reminded her once again. "It's not just boasting and it's definitely not the kind of stuff you just end up doing."
"You'll have to tell me more about that later." Oh no I won't. "Now, stop trying to change the subject by getting me to focus on snippets of information I would find interesting." Crap, she's onto me. "So, the first order of business as my new researching assistant." She declared proudly "You must tell me all about these legends of yours, it would be amazing to see how another culture completely unaware of ours, perceives our world. It could tell me a lot about you humans"
"I'm busy for today. Gotta meet Rarity for lunch and get her to take my measurements" Twilight opened her mouth to complain but luckily I was faster. "But tell you what, I'll give you my notes once I'm done, deal?"
"I still want to interview you on that matter."
Cussing silently I nodded in agreement. "But some other day, I'm busy right now."
She pondered for a moment before presenting her counter offer, "Can I keep the ones you're already done with?"
"Sure." I conceded, just happy I managed to avoid another session with Twilight. That day will eventually come, but by the gods will I use any and all opportunity to postpone it. "Look, I gotta go I'm already a bit late. Can you fix the mess you just made on my room?"
"Sure, but... Hey! Where are you going? I haven't finished talking. Janos!"
I was already putting on my hoodie, grabbing my rifle from it's resting place beside the bed and walking out the door, not wanting to actually give her a chance to stop me. "The ones I'm done with have my initials on the back!" I yelled from outside my room, ignoring her pleas. "Thanks, Twilight! You're amazing, I love you!" I greeted Spike one the way, who was probably coming to check out what all that noise at eleven in the morning was about, and gave him the signature look of 'cover for me' and was I out the door and on my way to the restaurant where I was to meet Rarity in seconds.
So, after a long walk filled with more delightful gawking, which I was learning to avoid having to endure by using the hood, I managed to get to the restaurant with a couple of minutes to spare. It was a relatively fancy place, which was no surprise considering Rarity picked the place. As is common in these places, there was one of those waiters who do nothing but direct people to their seats and stuff, that you had to go through in order to get a table, it was a stallion sporting a light yellow coat, lighter than Fluttershy's, and a dark blue mane and tail, who was only wearing a bow tie, the collar of a tuxedo, and the most pitiful mustache I have ever seen.
"Hi, can you tell me if a Miss Rarity has arrived already? I'm supposed to meet her for lunch?" I asked the stallion in a polite and friendly manner. He gave one of those looks, where they look at you from top to bottom with that indistinct hint of annoyance that is only reserved for the kind of people that think jeans, a hoodie and a severely unkempt hair and beard are acceptable in such an 'illustrious' place. My beard, by the way, looked as you'd expect it would after being left on its own since I arrived in Equestria, by that I mean it was already covering my whole face and becoming quite bushy, it was also the color you would expect from an old man, pretty much all white, betraying the hair dye I use to hide what has become my hair color for the past twenty or so years when my hair turned white for some odd reason.
"I'm afraid she has not arrived, Sir." His voice, with a refined, and slightly french accent, revealed him to be a lot older than he looked. I was immediately put off by the fact that he did not even bother to check the book by his side, instead, preferring to just shrug me aside like that.
"Why don't you check your little book before assuming stuff, Mr. I'm-naked-from-the-neck-down." I shot back at him. People like that piss me off so freaking much.
The waiter gave me a confused look for a second before sighing and going over his book, a quick read later he turned back to me. "She has not arrived as I said, but there is a reservation under that name for twelve o'clock."
"Great, just give me a table for two and I'll wait for her."
"I'm afraid I can't do that Sir." He replied, "The reservation is for twelve o'clock."
"So?" I asked, not seeing the problem.
"It's currently eleven fifty."
"You're joking right?"
"Of course not Sir. I would never jest with a guest." He replied, sounding very insulted. Then he produced a pocket watch from god-knows-where and showed me the time, "Eleven fifty." And true enough the clock did show eleven fifty-five.
"C'mon man, it's ten minutes, I've walked all the way from the other side of town give me a break here."
"I'm sorry Sir, but rules are rules." The stallion insisted. "We can't have guests seated before their appointed times so that there will still be tables for guests that have earlier reservations."
I looked around the restaurant. There were three couples and a party of five. Around four tables left and that was just on the outside. There was no one else waiting for tables like me.
"You really expect four parties with reservations ranging from eleven fifty to eleven fifty-nine to arrive in the next ten minutes?"
He gave a blank stare and replied with absolute seriousness. "I must be prepared for everything."
I thought this guy was being a jerk. Turns out I stumbled upon the most dedicated waiter in Equestria. Sighing and rubbing my eyes in frustration I conceded defeat and sat down in those seats they keep for people who are still waiting for their seats.
"Would you like some water, Sir?" The waiter offered me, already carrying a silver platter with a glass of water on it. "It's courtesy." He added, misjudging my look of disbelief at how fast this dude could produce things out of thin air for one of someone trying to figure out whether or not they have to pay for that.
I accepted defeat and patiently waited my ten minutes while enjoying some fresh water. I was perfectly content in just sitting there in silence, after all, we are talking about just ten minutes here, I have had to endure a lot worse than this.
"Excuse me, Sir." The waiter approached me again.
"Yeah?"
"I just couldn't help but notice I have never seen or heard of one of your kind before." He said. "I was just curious and..." He stopped himself, suddenly struggling with something for a couple of seconds, "I really don't know how to approach this..." I took pity on the poor stallion, he was probably the only pony who tried that hard to make sure to politely ask me that since I had arrived in Ponyville after all.
"Human." I answered him, relieving him of having to struggle with that question any longer, "We are called humans and we're from very far away."
"Humans." He repeated to himself. "Hmm, can't say I have heard of anything like that before."
"Most ponies I've met haven't."
"Well, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance Sir, my name is Savoir Fare." He politely introduced himself, offering me a hoof to shake which I promptly did.
"Janos, nice to meet you."
"Truly? I was worried I had offended the gentlecolt by making him wait." Savoir jokingly stated.
"Oh, you pissed me off don't doubt that for a second." I quickly corrected him, wiping his overly polite smile instantly. But before he could apologize I continued, "And I was offended, but then I realized you weren't actually being a jerk, you are just absurdly dedicated to your job, so I'll let it slide." This seemed to reassure the waiter, who was now gleaming with pride after my compliment. "I can kind of respect that."
"Thank you, Sir." Savoir said, " Sometimes it is hard to be appreciated in this job. And look! it seems your friends are here."
Just as my new acquaintance said, Rarity had arrived with Fluttershy in tow. "Janos my dear!" She happily greeted me with a friendly hug, "So good to see you."
"Likewise Rarity." I answered her, getting up. "And you too Fluttershy, wasn't expecting you today."
"Hello Janos, Rarity invited me during our spa session today." She explained, also giving me a quick hug, "I hope that's ok with you?"
"Of course not Fluttershy, I was just surprised." I reassured her, but seeing as how that didn't do much, I added "Pleasantly surprised." While friendly ruffling her head, which seemed to do the trick.
Meanwhile, Rarity had already talked to Savoir who quickly took us to our table. We seated on the outside area, where I began to notice the benefits of a spa day for ponies. Rarity's coat looked much smoother and nicer, which actually did a lot of good for her figure making her curves a lot more noticeable. Making her look very...
"Staring isn't very polite dear." Rarity remarked with a playful smile on her face, causing me to immediately turn away and pay an absurd amount of attention to the rifle resting against my chair.
"Gods, I was totally just doing that wasn't I?" I asked myself, but Rarity saw fit to answer anyway.
"Yes dear, but don't worry too much, I didn't say it was discouraged either." She added.
After finding the courage to once again turn my gaze to the two mares sitting with me, I could see Fluttershy blushing heavily, and Rarity looking more amused than I've ever seen her before.
"I'm so sorry." I quickly apologized, "It's just hard to get used to this whole thing."
"Hard to get used to pretty mares?" She said, very surprised, "Why! And here I thought you were more than used to dealing with them where you're from." She said, with a hint of flirting intent hanging from her voice.
Had I not been second guessing a lot of things about myself right now, or falling for Rarity's trap. I would probably be breaking into laughter at Fluttershy's expression once she realized we were not dropping the subject.
"You kidding me? I couldn't keep them away from me! Had to beat them off with a stick." I declared proudly, pretending to fend off a horde of women with a stick. "And it's women, not mares," I added, hoping to avoid future misunderstandings, and instantly losing that boost of confidence.
"So sorry dear." She apologized for her mistake. "But semantics aside, I can't see what the problem if that's true."
I must have looked very confused for a second, probably because I was. But I quickly set off to explaining what was obvious only to me apparently. "Well, it's just that. Women, not mares. There is a huge difference between doing this to a woman and to a mare for a human male like myself. While staring would still be considered a bit rude, a human woman would still be likely to take it as a compliment under the right circumstances, because it could and probably would be viewed as a sign of romantic interest."
"Can I take your orders, ma'am?" Savoir said, suddenly appearing beside Rarity. "Terribly sorry for the interruption Mr. Janos. Please forgive my lack of decorum"
"Don't worry dude. And just call me Janos, I'm not actually that old, I just look like I am." I answered. Picking up the menu that I still had not gone through, I began to browse it pages in search for something that did not contain grass or flowers in it. "I'll have the strawberry and spinach salad." Savoir nodded once, explaining how he knew Rarity had not arrived without checking his book and leaving me to ponder if he could memorize the orders of a party with ten people.
After Rarity and Fluttershy ordered their meals and Savoir dropped a nice basket full of various kinds of bread and some small, classy, bowls with different condiments to spread over said bread, Rarity motioned for me to continue while she picked a slice from the basket with her magic.
"Yes, where was I?"
"You said how your women would find that flattering and would mean you're interested in her." Fluttershy answered, now looking a bit more comfortable.
"Yes! Back home there is no other choice for a romantic partner other than another human, so treating or viewing mares, or any other female in this world for that matter, in the same way as I used to view women feels, well, wrong."
"Oh!" Both of them exclaimed as they realized what I was talking about.
"So does that mean you are starting to view mares that way?" Fluttershy asked.
"No." I quickly answered, trying to make sure to drive that thought out of their heads, but as the words left my mouth, doubt began to set in. "Or at least I don't think so, I hope not. I mean, it's only been what? A little over a week since I got here?"
"Well darling, we may look different but in the end we are all people right?" Rarity said, trying to rationalize my dilemma.
"Yes, but there is a lot more to that," I answered, and upon seeing their confused expressions decided to elaborate. "In its essence, sexual attraction is a lot more about reproduction than anything else. We are wired, in a biological level, to find suitable partners with whom we can make children and in that way ensure our species survival, finding someone attractive means we are recognizing desirable traits in that person. Theoretically speaking, there is no way two creatures of such different species such as humans and ponies to become sexually attracted to each other, of course there is more to it than that since we are both sentient creatures capable of complex thought so we aren't driven by base instinct alone but in its core that is how this works."
"Oh dear, it's like we're talking to Twilight right now," Fluttershy said, holding back one of her adorable giggle fits. Rarity, however, lacked that self-control and broke into laughter the second I stopped talking and start to laugh even harder at Fluttershy's remark.
It took a while for her to settle down, by then both her and Fluttershy were laughing and our food had arrived. Ignoring my manners I started eating while they continued to have fun at my expense.
"Oh my..." Rarity breathed out, upon managing to regain control of herself. "I'm so sorry dear. I just couldn't help it"
"I noticed."
"Yes, I didn't mean to laugh so hard." Fluttershy also spoke between deep breaths, "But it was just so funny, you were so serious. Like the world was going to end or something."
"Oh don't give me that look Janos." The still giggling unicorn chastised me. "Like you would even try to contain yourself. Remember back in the castle when you were laughing so joyously as we were terrified and running for our lives? Fluttershy was even crying."
I smiled a bit at the memory of that moment. Yeah, maybe it would be a little hypocritical of myself to be too mad at them.
"And you forgot something very important in your little explanation." She added, quite happy with herself. "What about love darling? That's just as part of the process as sexual attraction."
"Look, I'm talking about an initial reaction, love is something that needs time to develop, nobody falls in love with someone right off the bat, that only happens in fairy tales, sorry 'old pony tales' and cheesy romance novels."
"You don't believe in love at first sight?" Rarity asked, seemingly surprised at the very notion.
"Of course not, it has no logic whatsoever."
"Oh darling." She spoke, in the condescending and sad manner when you see a kid speaking nonsense, but you can't blame him because look at that poor thing. How can he know better? "Love isn't about logic or reason."
"Yeah, it just happens Janos." Fluttershy agreed.
"All it needs are two beings that are meant for each other to come together." Our idealistic unicorn concluded. "You only need a glance to feel that. A first sight if you will."
I could have gone into a rant here, but instead decided to take the high road and just use her own naive theory against her. "Ok, so what you're saying is That despite my innate biological instinct and human-centered social upbringing I was, in fact, staring at Rarity because I find her attractive, does that mean I am in love with her and, by extension is she in love with me?"
"What?" Both of them exclaimed.
"Are we in love? I have arguably just met you, and both of us don't know a lot about each other besides the basics of an early friendship, if we go by your argument that love isn't about reason or logic nor does it need time to grow at all, that it just needs for two ponies that are destined for each other to meet, then the whole 'sexual attraction' thing doesn't really matter if I have by chance or destiny stumbled upon the one woman, mare in this case, that can make me happy and am therefore in love with her, then we can only imply that you are also in love with me since this is the way love works. Is that what you're saying?"
And that had the intended effect, Rarity's face, once being covered with white fur, was now completely red making her look like one of the tomatoes in her salad. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn't bring herself to utter more than a few wells and buts as she tried to simultaneously explain what she was actually trying to say, and deal with the implications of what I just said.
Fluttershy, on the other hand, had that look on her face. You know those people that really like soap operas? You know the look they get it seems like a couple of characters are about to confess their love for each other? Yeah, she had that look. Seems our little Fluttershy is a sucker for cheesy love stories, what a surprise. And she must be really desperate for a new soap opera to think I was actually serious about this.
Now, of course she didn't actually mean that, I'm not stupid I know what she was trying to say. But I just can't stand seeing someone word an argument that poorly without at least having a bit of fun at their expense.
"Well, of course, I'm not saying that!" She finally spoke, practically yelling that for everybody to hear, leaving Fluttershy much disappointed I might add. "I'm just saying that there is a lot more to it than biology... and science... and stop smiling like that!" Rarity huffed, getting very pissed at the very smug and triumphant smile plastered in my face.
I resisted the urge to laugh while she began paying a tremendous amount of attention to her food, which she promptly decided to golf down as quickly as possible, no doubt in order to get out of here as fast as she could. Instead, I laid back in my chair, quite content with the fact that I managed to get a reaction that was much better than I what expected from her and turned my attention to Fluttershy instead.
"So Fluttershy... How's Angel?"
