Chapters Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
The sun was slowly rising upon the town of Ohio in USA in the human world, as lanes of commercial buildings were opening for business including Jolly Pirate Donuts and the Kroger mart. The friendly neighbourhood folks on the street lanes greeting their neighbours and tending to their gardens to start a fresh new day, some were riding bikes and others were mowing their lawns. And some were even just lazing about in their homes.
On one of the neighbourhood streets, a single house joined by a garage remained seemingly undisturbed and silent upon most occasions. Many of the people there would never dream of entering that house however for one reason.
In the house was an old brown recliner faced towards a television, that was currently served as a seating place for a certain human. This person in particular was a balding overweight man in his late 40's with a bottle of beer in his hand. He donned a plaster cast around his neck and wore only brown shorts, white socks and shoes and a blue shirt with well known cereal mascot, Tony Tiger. His most notable feature being his glasses and facial hair.
The man's name was--
"FAGGOT!!"
...Danny Walters.
Truth be told, he was better known on the Internet as 'Danny the Tourette's Guy' or just 'Tourette's Guy' for short. This was because of a rather obvious reason, he has Tourette's Syndrome, a well known brain effect that causes the host to do sporadic unexpected things usually known as 'Tics', the most famous effect being the one where the host continuously yells obscenities out of their own will. And of course, Danny had the latter.
"IT'S EMBARASSING AS FUCK TO HAVE AN ASS!"
To this day, Danny was still a rather popular meme on YouTube, even with other cussing Internet sensations such as 'The Angry Video Game Nerd', 'The Nostalgia Critic', etc. Danny's outbursts on the internet were famed for their incredible and unique humour, Danny had even said some things that any other person with Tourette's probably wouldn't say like the time when he was watching a game show on TV with his son who brought up the rumour of the host committing suicide only for Danny to counter with:
"I'd kill myself too if my last name was... COMBS!"
Danny took another sip of his beer before looking up at a nearby clock which read 8:47 AM, time for breakfast.
With a little bit of effort, Danny retreated out of his recliner and stumbled towards the kitchen that had a wooden plank wall where the dinner table laid, the floor was covered with an ugly kitchen flooring while the food and other suppositories were stored in either the fridge or the accompanying wooden cabinets. The man opened one of the cabinets and pulled out a plastic bag containing a sliced loaf of bread that was very near it's expiry date. After retrieving two slices of the wheat produced edible, Danny approached a nearby toaster that stood next to a box of cereal with big red letters that read 'TOTAL'. Danny inserted the two slices into the toaster and pushed down the little tab to get it working, but the lever only recoiled back up to it's stationary state when he lifted his finger off of it.
Danny shook his head irritably and jammed the switch back down but of course, it wouldn't stay down and the pieces of bread popped back out from the slots.
"MAKE SOME TOAST, YOU DUMBASS!!" Danny yelled in rage. Being an inanimate object, the toaster only sat silent and gave no response.
Hungry and fed up, Danny punched the toaster on the side, making it slide off the counter and slam onto the floor.
"OH BOB SAGET!!" The human screamed in rage at the now floored toaster, the two slices of bread poking out of the toast slits. Danny kicked the toaster at a wall which made it finally split open a crack to reveal some kind of light emanating from the small hole.
"What the hell?" Danny's rage was immediately suppressed by confusion as he approached the broken toaster with the poking light still seeping out of the orifice. His face was now only inches away from the breakfast appliance before he reached out to touch it. The minute he did, he felt like he just gone blind as his vision was flooded by a strong binding light before he fell himself falling at a rapid pace to nowhere.
Meanwhile, the broken toaster still remained on the kitchen floor but no sign of Danny could be seen at all.
Danny's body was sent tumbling down some kind of vortex that was filled with seizure inducing visions of morphing shapes along with static before the visions seemed to change into more unique illusions that looked like something out of a Windows computer screensaver.
Until what seemed like hours but was really only a minute and a half, Danny faced what appeared to be an open hole of light advancing towards him, the light getting brighter and brighter. Out of major instinct, Danny yelled until his lungs were sore and dry.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!"
In a humble world known as Equestria, there lived a village inhabited by ponies known as 'Ponyville'. A large tree that stood out from most of the houses was home to a lavender unicorn with a deep purple mane that donned a single stripe of pink with matching tail, an emblem of a pink star surrounded by several smaller white stars was seen on her flanks. The unicorn was busy rearranging some books before opening the treehouse or better yet, a Tree-Library for business. The front door suddenly burst open as a pink furred mare with a deeper pink mane that was bubbly and poofy with matching tail barged in unexpectedly.
"Twilight!!" The pink pony called out to the unicorn in panic.
"Pinkie Pie! What's the meaning of this?! What's the matter?!" Twilight retorted, annoyed that her pink friend had come over at a rather early and unneeded time.
"My Pinkie Sense! It started acting up this morning after I woke up!" Pinkie Pie blurted out in double quick time before stopping to catch her breath. Twilight rolled her eyes reluctantly.
"Your Pinkie Sense again, Pinkie? What did it tell you?" Twilight asked with a sigh. Pinkie was quick to answer the second question.
"It told me that somepony we might not like is coming here, and that something bad might happen while they're here!"
Twilight's eyes widened. "What?! Who?! Discord?! Queen Chrysalis?! Who is it, Pinkie?!!" She yelled before nearly getting a panic attack.
"I'm not sure exactly, but we gotta be prepared before whatever it is invades Ponyville!!" Pinkie Pie screamed, hopping frantically before charging out of the door and attempting to warn the other citizen ponies of the oncoming threat who only looked at her as if she was crazy or just flat out ignored her, Twilight could only look on at the pink mare in pity before her ears picked up a distant noise.
It sounded like an explosion or a bang, but it sounded more distant as if it was far away. Twilight looked out of one of the windows to see some kind of white object speeding down the sky at a slanted angel like a comet, she couldn't decipher whatever it was that was falling out of the sky as it was rather too far away for her see until it slammed onto the ground far off with a loud thud, causing a small shudder on the ground. Twilight put a hoof to her face in shock before racing out to warn her other friends of the mystery comet.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
A hint of Extra-Terrestrial
Outside the skirts of Ponyville was a farm famed for both it's products and it's name, 'Sweet Apple Acres'. The farm in question was responsible for supplying Ponyville with possibly the best edibles made from the sweet apples from the farm's orchards. The mare in charge of this bustling space was an orange coated cowpony with yellow banded hair and a southern west accent. She donned a brown Stetson that always rested on her head whenever she was around and had an emblem of three red apples on her flanks, the mare's name was 'Applejack' who ran and took control of Sweet Apple Acres along with her grandmother, Granny Smith, her older brother, Big Macintosh and her little sister, Applebloom.
Applejack wiped the sweat off her forehead after watching the apples from the very last orchard tree she had just kicked fall into the surrounding bushels. She gazed around to find not a single apple left on any of the trees and smiled proudly at her handiwork. The cowpony turned back and approached the bushes before picking one up with her teeth when she suddenly head a loud noise nearby that shook the ground and made her drop the bushel of apples in response.
"What in tarnation?!" Applejack exclaimed as she looked around to find whatever had just hit the ground but only saw nothing out of the ordinary, she cocked her eyebrow in confusion and was about to retrieve the fallen apples before she heard what this time sounded like a yell.
"ARGH SHIT!!!"
Danny pulled his head out of the mud in disgust before looking around to see himself surrounded by pink round objects that on a second glance, revealed to be none other than pigs, some of which were eyeing him curiously.
"What the hell is this shit?!" Danny pushed his arms against the mud for leverage and picked himself up so he could get a better view of his surroundings, among the pigs he found a fence that was of course keeping them at bay. Past the fence, he noticed some field in the far distance that seemed a little too colourful. The human turned to see a big red barn not far from where he was standing. Wasting no time, Danny regained control of his legs and reached for the fence until he proceeded to climb over the wooden barrier which resulted in him falling flat on his ass at the other side, making him cuss angrily in pain.
Danny regained his stance and looked behind to see a free dirt path leading to possibly nowhere which left him with two choices, Stay in this shit stinking farm and possibly attract a crazy old farmer with a shotgun or go down the path to an unpredictable fate. The feeling of being shot in the stomach obviously wasn't his liking, so Danny instead approached and trailed down the path, unaware that a certain mare was watching him the whole time.
"Wut the hay was that thing?" Applejack pondered to herself while watching the balding biped exit the acres and trot down the path.
"Ah' better give the news to Twi." With that, Applejack speeded off the other direction towards Ponyville in hopes of getting some answers for this conundrum.
Danny continued to trek down the path while gazing at the sights around him which usually consisted of trees and tall hills when a village in the distance could be seen in between the scenery. Danny leaned forward to take a closer look at the possible area of civilisation but could not decipher anything unusual until his ears were filled with a high pitched scream that made him yell out in pain.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!"
"AGH, FUCK!!!"
After palming his ears to make sure they were still in working order, Danny turned around angrily, ready to give whoever had tried to make him go deaf a major ass kicking. Only to find a rather unexpected (and unwanted) sight, he looked down at the path to see 3 small creatures that had the bodily appearance of a horse. Unlike the horses back in his world, these three equines had a differently shaped muzzle along with their manes being a different yet unique hairstyle along with the fact that they had coat colours that would seem impossible to find in the human world. They appeared to be the size of foals, a young baby horse.
One small horse was bright yellow with a red mane and tail that was rounded on the edges and bound with a large pink bow, another had an orange coat with wings protruding from it's back and it's mane and tail was purple and frazzled. The third was coated in alabaster white and had a curled mane which was very light pink on one side while the opposite was a light purple with a matching tail, it's most notable feature was it's small blunt horn that protruded from the front of the mane. The white horse had it's hoof pointed at Danny with it's mouth hanging wide while the other two both had the same expression on their faces. The yellow one was the first to finally speak out in a young western accent.
"What is that thing?!"
"I don't know! Maybe it's an ogre!" The white equine exclaimed in response.
"Don't be ridiculous Sweetie Belle, that was just a movie! And that thing's not even green!" The orange one chimed in.
"I don't have time for this chicken shit bullshit." Danny said, already annoyed with the three small horses before turning again the village again and walking in it's direction.
"It's headin' for Ponyville! Ah' gotta warn Applejack!" The yellow filly panicked and speed in the other path direction with the orange one and the white filly known as Sweetie Belle followed on suit.
Meanwhile , Twilight Sparkle was still charging towards the location of where she last saw the object crash until a barn with neighbouring tree far into the distance came into view, Twilight stared at the farm while still running to not find any protruding smoke from where the thing could've landed unaware of what was going to happen next.
"Oomph!"
Twilight felt something hit against her and knock her back onto the ground on her flanks, she looked straight forward to see a familiar cowpony sprawled onto the grass opposite of her.
"Applejack, what are you doing here?" Twilight asked as she got up and helped Applejack on her hooves.
"Ah was going to look for you, Twi!" Applejack retorted.
"I was getting to you as well! You saw the thing crash as well?" Twilight said, Applejack shook her head.
"Nope, never saw the crash, Sugarcube. Ah did hear a loud thud that probably came from the pig sty though. Ah peeked behind the barn and saw some kind of large two legged critter walk down the path."
Suddenly, the two heard a distant scream before the rustling of some nearby bushes was heard. Three fillies jumped into the scene and dashed straight to Applejack and Twilight.
"Applejack! Twilight!" The yellow filly called out in sheer panic before clinging on to Applejack's leg.
"Easy there, Applebloom. What happened?" Applejack calmed her sister down while stroking her mane.
"Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, you were with Applebloom, weren't you?" Twilight asked, Sweetie Belle and the orange filly addressed as Scootaloo both nodded their heads. The three began to explain.
"Well... Me, Applebloom and Scootaloo were trying to come up with more ideas in a ways of getting our Cutie Marks." Sweetie Belle began.
"And as we were walking down a path, we looked up to see some giant two legged thing standing right there!" Scootaloo continued.
"While Scoot and Sweetie Belle were trying to figure out what the thing was, It started to head straight for Ponyville!" Applebloom finished the story. Applejack scowled in response.
"Ah knew I saw something odd back at the farm! Come on, Twi! We gotta get to Ponyville before that what-ever-it-is get's there first!" The cowpony exclaimed before speeding off to the village, with Twilight and the three fillies following behind.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
Within minutes, Danny had finally approached the village enough to see the civilisation and immediately scowled upon seeing it was just more ponies with ranging colours that weren't even possible in the human world along with strange looking tattoo's on their flanks. As Danny took a step into the area, all eyes from the citizen ponies were all at the human. Some ponies gave curious glances while others had intimidated looks on their muzzles upon the fact that they had never seen a human before, especially one that looked like Danny.
Danny gazed around to see all the ponies still staring at him while some of them whispered to each other, he took no notice of this and proceeded to walk amongst the equine citizens before exploiting another unexpected outburst.
"HOLY SHIT!!"
The ponies surrounding him immediately jumped back in recoil at the sudden noise and cocked their eyebrows at what he had just said while some of them gave unimpressed looks as if they knew what that word was. Some of the accompanying fillies and colts who were around were trying to stifle their giggles from the bad word.
It was not long until Twilight, Applejack and the three fillies entered the scene and stared in horror at the two legged giant. Sweetie Belle pointed a hoof at it.
"That's it! That's the thing we saw!"
Danny turned around to see the three fillies again but this time accompanied by a purple unicorn and an orange cowpony who had curious yet stern looks on their faces. Twilight stepped closely towards the biped and nervously spoke out.
"W-Who are you? And why are you here?"
"Danny. No idea how I even got here." Danny answered in a quiet, deep hoarse voice.
Twilight put a hoof to her chin and observed the creature, two legs, arms, tall body, different facial features. Twilight's ears immediately pricked up with realisation.
"Wait a minute... Are you perhaps a human?" Twilight asked.
"Of course that's a human! what else could it be?" A feminine voice chimed in, Danny and Twilight turned to see a mint green pony with a mane and tail that had streaks of blue and white, a lyre could be seen on her flanks. Like Twilight, she also had a horn protruding from her forehead. The pony donned a big smile at Danny.
"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! A real human! In Ponyville!" The green pony bounced with delight upon her discovery, this one in particular having a major fascination in humans.
"Lyra! You've read about humans, are you sure this thing is one of them?" Twilight asked the green pony addressed as 'Lyra'.
"As sure as I'll ever be!" Lyra retorted, the smile not leaving her muzzle. Danny was already starting to get weirded out by Lyra's fangirl behaviour and was just about to walk off in the opposite direction when Applejack immediately intervened.
"Woah there, Sugarcube. Ya didn't come here to cause any trouble in Ponyville did ya?" She asked sternly.
"The fuck are you talking about?" Danny responded, Applejack and Twilight looked at him with unimpressed expressions.
"Mr. Danny, we do not appreciate that kind of language here!" Twilight scolded Danny.
"Sorry, got Tourette's." Danny was quick to apologise. This made Twilight tilt her head in confusion.
"Tourette's? What is that?"
"Oh oh! I know!" Lyra butted in before retrieving a book that was titled, 'Human Anatomy and Inflictions'. An emanating aura glowed around the book and Lyra's horn as it seemingly opened by itself and the pages were flipped until they stopped on a certain article. Lyra put a hoof on the page she found and read it aloud.
"According to this book, Tourette's Syndrome is a human infliction that makes the infected human do strange acts out of their own control, the most famous being one where they can't stop saying bad words." Lyra described before giving an intrigued smile.
Twilight and Applejack's eyebrows arched to make an expression of guilt as they looked up at Danny.
"Eh heh heh... Sorry about that Mr. Danny. Guess you have no control over it, huh?" Twilight stammered apologetically.
"I HAVE BALLS!!" Danny yelled out, Twilight and Applejack could only give awkward smiles in response while Lyra on the other hand was desperately trying not to laugh from the funny remark.
"W-well... Now that you're here, Mr. Danny. I think it's best if I introduce myself, my name is Twilight Sparkle. The orange pony next to me is Applejack and that mint green one is Lyra. And as of today, we would like to welcome you and give you a tour of Ponyville ourselves!" Twilight managed to break the silence before signalling Danny to follow her. The citizen ponies still watching curiously as the human soon disappeared out of their sight.
"I gotta tell Bon Bon about this!" Lyra immediately realised before speeding off the opposite direction.
"Oh darn it all..." Applejack furrowed her brow in exhaustion, this was gonna be a hell of a day to go through.
"And this is Golden Oaks Library, where I live! If you need to find a book to read, feel free to drop by!" Twilight eagerly exclaimed, finishing her tour after taking Danny to other landmarks of Ponyville such as Carousel Boutique (which at the time was closed for lunch) and Ponyville's school. Danny only looked on with an uninterested expression and sipped a beer that he had in his pocket ever since he had broken the toaster back at home. The silence having been quickly interrupted by a gasp behind him, Danny turned to see a pink mare with an amazed grin on her muzzle.
"Oh my gosh are you new here in Ponyville? Cus it's been a long time since we've ever had a newcomer here! Anway, my name's Pinkie Pie, party pony of Ponyville, whenever you feel down, I'll be there to make you smile!" Pinkie Pie spoke at an incredibly fast pace without showing any signs of fatigue.
"Oh hello, Pinkie Pie! This is Danny, he's a human." Twilight greeted Pinkie and introduced the human to her. Pinkie gasped again.
"A human, really?! I remember Lyra telling me some stuff about these humans when I had a sleepover with her and Bon Bon that one time! What do you humans do, Danny? What's it like to have hands? Do all humans wear that funny white thing on your neck?" Twilight could only giggle at Pinkie Pie's childlike curiosity and amazement.
"Oh my gosh! I nearly forgot, I gotta get back to Sugarcube Corner for... something. See ya later Danny and Twilight." Pinkie said before galloping away.
"The hell was that about?" Danny asked Twilight who gave a nervous toothy smile.
"Oh, she's always like that when someone new comes to Ponyville. Now how about we come inside?" Twilight retorted before leading Danny into the tree library, the interior was full to the brim with bookshelves and more bookshelves.
"You got a seat?" Danny asked, Twilight walked over to a chair and pushed it towards him. The human sat down and took another chug of his beer. Twilight noticed the strange looking bottle in his grasp.
"What is that?" Twilight asked, pointing at the bottle.
"It's good shit, that's what it is." Danny simply answered, handing the bottle over to Twilight to offer her a snip.
Twilight took the bottle with her magic and sniffed at the open top, the strange aroma made her think of wheat and barley. She tipped the bottle in her mouth and let the liquid flow inside and suddenly gagged a little upon tasting the drink.
"Eugh. It's a little bitter and malty." Twilight recoiled before putting a hoof to her neck.
"Yet... It's kind of refreshing." She finished before taking another gulp, the bottle was empty in a matter of seconds. As Twilight removed the bottle from her muzzle, she let out a hearty belch thanks to the beer's carbonation.
"Oops, excuse me." Twilight put a hoof to her muzzle and blushed. Danny couldn't help but chuckle a bit at this.
"That was a rather intriguing drink, Danny. Where do you get these?" Twilight asked.
"From Walmart." Danny just said. Twilight pondered at his answer, she had known about the Ponyville convenience store but she had never heard about a store called 'Walmart'. Twilight turned the bottle around to find the ingredients and other information in order to get an idea of how it was made. It appeared that all it needed was some malt, yeast and alcohol.
Alcohol? As in the rubbing alcohol for wounds? Twilight figured she could probably go to Lyra for some answers later since she was the brainiac when it comes to humans. Twilight turned to see Danny fumbling about with one of the bookshelves.
"Where's the TV guide?!" Danny yelled angrily.
"Danny, I don't really have a TV here. But if you're planning on watching it with somepony then I do have a TV guide here." Twilight answered.
"Throw it over here!" Danny called out, holding his arm out. Twilight launched the small book with her magic at Danny only for it to almost hit his crotch area.
"Ouch! Motherfucker, you hit me in the dick!" Danny scolded.
"Oops, sorry Danny!" Twilight apologised nervously.
"You're lucky it wasn't hard!" Danny yelled before grabbing the TV guide and shaking it in the air.
"I meant this thing, not my dick!" Danny referred to the book in his hand. Twilight tilted her head, confused at the remark.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
Cider Party with a Scratched Vinyl
"Twilight, are you home?" A voice reminiscent of a young boy broke the silence of the library, making Twilight look up to the staircase to see her trusty baby dragon assistant and good friend, Spike descending downstairs. Danny was too indulged in the TV guide to have taken notice and was in the process of looking for the airtimes for He-Man and Magnum P.I. while Twilight greeted her little friend.
"Oh hello there, Spike!" Twilight waved happily at the baby dragon who returned the greeting with a smile before turning his head to see the human still scanning the TV guide.
"Uhh... Twilight, who's this big guy?" Spike asked.
"Oh, that's Danny! He's a human." Twilight retorted as she walked up to the human in question.
"Danny, I'd like you to meet--"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS BARNEY DOING HERE?!!" Danny immediately yelled out as his gaze turned to Spike who flinched in response, Twilight waved both her front hooves in a frenzy.
"Calm down, Danny! It's just Spike, my dragon assistant!" Twilight attempted in vain to calm the Tourette's stricken man down before he immediately stumbled out of his chair.
"O-OH SHIT!! PISS!" Danny cussed angrily.
"Danny! Are you alright?!" Twilight said in panic before straining to help him up with her magic, mainly because of his weight.
After that short episode, Danny glanced back at Spike who was still giving the confused stare. Twilight gave a sheepish grin before trotting between the human and the dragon.
"So Danny, this is Spike. My library assistant and friend, don't fret too much. He may be a dragon, but he doesn't pose a threat!" Twilight introduced Danny to Spike, their stares however showing no signs of faltering. That was when suddenly, the front door burst open and a blur of cyan whizzed inside.
"Yo, Twilight! I heard Lyra chatting with Bon Bon about this 'human' that came to Ponyville so I thought I'd come around to--" The blur which revealed to be a cyan winged pony, a Pegasus to be exact with frazzled hair that streaked in colours of the rainbow with matching tail along with the marking of a rainbow and a cloud on her flanks spoke with a boisterous tone before she became lost for words when her sight fell upon said human. The Pegasus retracted from her flying stance and landed on the floor while pulling an observant face at Danny whose expression only remained stoic for the current event.
"Hey, is this the one that Lyra was blabbering about?" The cyan pony asked Twilight who rolled her eyes before answering.
"Yes, Rainbow Dash. That's the human that arrived here to Ponyville. His name is Danny and he has a human syndrome called 'Tourette's'."
Rainbow Dash observant muzzle turned to that of confusion upon hearing the last word.
"What the heck is Tourette's?" Twilight was quick to answer that question.
"As I already addressed, It's a syndrome of some sorts. It makes the host do sporadic things out of their own control, usually making them say bad words." Twilight explained before Danny bellowed again.
"Remember that fat wrestler from the 1980's named Dusty Rhodes?"
Twilight, Rainbow and Spike all shook their heads.
"Man, he was a piece of shit!" Danny finished his remark.
It took a few seconds for Rainbow Dash to register what Danny actually had said, but remembering the obscenity he blurted out instantly had the Pegasus trying to stifle her giggle fit as best she could but in the end only burst out laughing hysterically until she was reduced to tears with Spike joining in after.
Twilight only looked at the still giggling two with a flustered expression before attempting to decipher what Danny was talking about with this 'Dusty Rhodes' person, perhaps another human from his world? Rainbow Dash and Spike wiped the tears from their eyes before standing back upright with intrigued smiles.
"Ha ha, wow Twilight! This Danny guy is a real clown!" Rainbow complimented before flying back up to have her line of eyesight meet Danny's.
"Anyways. Hey there, Danny! Name's Rainbow Dash, the one and only most awesome Pegasus besides Spitfire!" Rainbow boasted her greeting at Danny who simply shrugged. Rainbow turned to see the empty beer bottle on the floor and picked it up with a forehoof.
"Hey, Is Applejack shipping her apple cider in bottles now?" Rainbow Dash wondered while observing the dark brown stained glass container.
"Oh, Danny had that with him on the way here. He offered me a taste and I didn't really find the flavour appealing but it was a little refreshing." Twilight commented on the bottle before turning to Danny.
"What do they call that drink in the human world?" Twilight asked.
"Beer." Danny replied without giving any detail. Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow at this.
"Beer? Doesn't sound like a 'drink' name to me. What's in it?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Yeast, Wheat and Alcohol." Twilight replied, the last word confusing Rainbow Dash a little more.
"Alcohol? As in the hydroxyl-thingy stuff?" Rainbow pondered openly. The answer to that question would have to wait however as a piece of paper slipped under the front door. Twilight approached the paper, picked it up with a front hoof and read it before turning to Danny.
"It says to come to Sugarcube Corner as quickly as possible, and to take the new arrival with us. I think that means you, Danny." Twilight figured, pointing a hoof a Danny.
Several minutes or so passed when the four arrived at their destination, the location was home to a building decorated with sugary sweets and cake like décor almost as if it were something out of a certain fairy tale.
"Better hope a witch doesn't live here." Danny piped up.
"Why's that, Danny?" Twilight asked.
"Because I wouldn't fuck her with my own ass!" Danny replied, making Rainbow Dash and Spike laugh their lungs out once again.
After the Pegasus and the baby dragon had their second giggle fit, Twilight pushed the door open a crack to peek inside before looking back at Danny with a smile on her muzzle.
"Wait here for a second, Danny. Rainbow Dash and Spike, come with me." Twilight lead the two in who started to chuckle as they got the idea.
Danny stood outside, still eyeing the sweet covered architecture while looking around to see the rest of Ponyville completely empty like it was some kind of ghost town before hearing Twilight's voice.
"Okay, Danny! Come in!" Danny opened the front door and was met with pitch black inside before slowly walking inside until his body was submerged in the house's atmosphere when all of a sudden...
"SUPRISE!!!" The interior was filled with light as a mob of ponies jumped from their hiding places with their hooves in the air, donning cheerful smiles. Danny jumped back in shock while clutching his chest.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!!!" The pink mare from earlier recognised as Pinkie Pie bounced over to the bewildered Danny.
"It's a welcome party for you, silly!" Pinkie stood on her hind legs and placed her front hooves on Danny's chest. Danny calmed down and smirked, if it was a welcoming party just for him, how could he refuse?
"Alright, let's get this show on the road!" Rainbow Dash cheered before the ambience was filled with a blast of techno music and everyone was either jiving or helping themselves to the party edibles. Pinkie Pie grabbed Danny's hand with a front hoof and pulled him further into the crowd as he was greeted by Applejack.
"Howdy, Danny! Me and the apple family got some great apple snacks if you're up for a bite!" The cowpony called out, tipping her Stetson forward in respect for the new arrival.
"So whadda' ya think, Danny? What'cha gonna do first?" Pinkie asked with excited suspense.
"You got anything to drink?" Danny replied. Pinkie giggled in response.
"Of course we do, ya silly filly!" Pinkie Pie bounced over to a barrel that was laying on it's side and retrieved a wooden mug in the shape of a tankard before turning on the tap implanted into the barrel and let a liquid of a bright yellow colour flow into the cup before bouncing back to Danny and holding out the full tankard for him.
"Try this! It's Applejack's amazing apple cider!" Pinkie urged Danny, who took the tankard and looked at the contents before chugging it down.
"Damn, that's good shit! Fuck!" Danny yelled out with satisfaction.
"I knew you would like it!" Pinkie Pie giggled before looking back up at the human.
"Hey Mr. Danny, what does 'Fuck' mean?" Pinkie asked like a curious filly, Danny shrugged before Pinkie started again.
"Is it a secret word you say to someone, or is something you say when you feel happy? Or maybe it's... *Gasp!* Maybe if it means whatever I want!" Pinkie Pie assumed with her voice and expression growing with excitement before leaping into the air at Danny with her legs spread out.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Danny yelled out as Pinkie started to fall towards Danny with her hooves stretched out wide and the grin remaining on her muzzle before shouting:
"I'm going to fuck you!"
Danny was unprepared for the inevitable as Pinkie's body collided with Danny's just as her forehooves wrapped tightly around Danny in a big bear hug. Twilight heard the commotion and looked to see Pinkie cuddling a surprised Danny and d'awwed at the sight.
"Heehee! You're so big and cuddly like a teddy bear, Danny!" Pinkie chimed, making Danny look at her a bit of disgust.
"You said you were going 'fuck me'." Danny said, deadpan. Pinkie giggled and snorted.
"Of course! That meant I was going to 'hug you', silly! It's my welcome to Ponyville hug!" Pinkie tightened her grip around the overweight man before letting go and looking at another direction.
"Ooh! I should go and ask Applejack how well she's fucking her apples and ask Twilight to borrow a book to find some more amazing words! After all, she loves to fuck books!" Pinkie said before galloping to the cowpony. Danny only scratched his head in response and shrugged before walking over to the barrel to get a refill. Once the tankard was once again full to the brim with cider, Danny turned around to see another pony trotting over to him with a smile on her muzzle, a horn on her forehead like Twilight and Lyra. Her coat was pure white while her mane and tail were streaked with deep and light shades of blue frazzled like Rainbow Dash's but more spikier and straight. A black musical note could be seen on both her flanks along with her most iconic feature, a pair of purple lensed shades.
"He-heyyyyy! Here's the party guy! Never thought I'd be in a cool party with a creature not from here!" The pony greeted with a voice that sounded boyish and crazy. (Voice Reference )
"Danny." The human answered. The pony replied quickly, seemingly already catching on with what he was saying.
"And that's one cool name, Danny! Name's Vinyl Scratch, but everypony here know me as the amazing 'DJ-PON3'! So this Lyra pony told me you were some kind of creature called a human, am I right?" The pony addressed as Vinyl lowered her glasses with a hoof to reveal her magenta hue eyes.
Danny simply nodded, allowing Vinyl to speak up again.
"Soooooo... Must be pretty cool to have those things what she calls 'hands'!" Vinyl complimented Danny's arms before pointing at his neck.
"And what the hey is that thing on your neck?" Vinyl asked with a smirk.
"It's some fucking cast. Need it or else my neck will feel like it got crushed by Margaret Avery's tits." Danny said, Vinyl laughed at the response.
"Woah-ho! You really are a spicy talker with that tongue, aren't cha? Octy would flip her strings if she heard you're choice of vocabulary!" Vinyl Scratch chuckled at the thought of her sensible and reserved roommate flipping out should she hear Danny's vulgarity.
"Anyhoo, It was a crazy wubbin' honour to spice your party with some bass, Danny boy but I gotta keep the beats maintained! Here, let's hang out again sometime!" Vinyl said before handing Danny a card that had her address and patting him on the back. After parting ways with the equine DJ, Danny turned his attention back to the cider keg and went for a third refill.
Hours passed amongst the residents of Ponyville chatting it up with each other and helping themselves to some cake before it was time to wind down and everypony was now exiting Sugarcube corner for some shuteye while Pinkie Pie held the door open for them and exchanged farewells.
"Thanks for coming!" Pinkie cheered as the last pony walked out the front door, she closed the door and was now left with Applejack, Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Spike along with two other ponies which consisted of an alabaster white horned pony with a curled lavender mane and three diamonds on her flanks and a Pegasus with a butter yellow coat and a long bright pink mane that hunger over one of her eyes, three pink butterflies on her flanks. Danny on the other hand was still at the barrel keg which was now empty at this point and was still holding the now empty tankard. He had taken up to 12 drinks of apple cider during the whole fiasco and appeared to have difficulty standing upright. Pinkie, Twilight, Rainbow, Spike, Applejack and the yellow Pegasus looked at him with concern while the white mare had a look of curiosity over seeing the human up close.
"Danny, ...are you feeling okay?" Rainbow Dash said, Danny's response was poured into a more slurred tone.
"We're gonna be out of the butt, and into the fuck... If we don't come up with that 36 dollars." Danny managed to say before the apple cider took it's toll and he collapsed onto the floor, eliciting gasps of shock from his watchers.
Author's Note
Yeah, I couldn't resist doing a 'Pinkie Pie learns a new word' reference. Kudos to Kickass222urmom.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
"Is he going to be okay?"
"I don't know, only time will tell."
"I hope the poor thing's alright..."
Danny could hear voices amidst his sleep, the last thing he remembered was seeing six ponies looking at him before his face met the floor. He could make out two of the voices as Pinkie Pie and Twilight but could not recognise the last one which had a vocal exterior of a shy hushed girl, Danny blinked several times when a glare of light hit his eyes in order to adjust to the bright vision after being out cold for god knows how long.
"Oh! He's waking up!" Another voice chimed out, having the tone of a reserved female, sounding almost British. Danny massaged his faces and eyes to clean out the sleep dust and help with the bright sight before speaking out in his normal hoarse voice.
"Where's my fucking glasses?" Twilight picked up on this and retrieved Danny's pair of glasses from a counter before replacing them on Danny's face who immediately backed up when his sight finally cleared to see six equines all looking down at him.
"HOLY SHIT!!!" Danny burst out, flailing his arms around for defence.
"Woah, woah Danny! Take it easy, It's just us!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed to reassure the panicked human who soon calmed down and got a better view of the alabaster white unicorn and the yellow Pegasus while realising he was back at the library.
"Eep!" The yellow Pegasus squeaked in fear while the white unicorn looked at Danny with an unamused face from his vulgar remark.
"Well, that's certainly not a grown up way to greet someone!" The alabaster unicorn spat with a huff before Twilight walked over to her.
"He has Tourette's, Rarity. It's not really his fault." Twilight said before whispering the definition in Rarity's ear who then gave an apologetic grin.
"Oh goodness, I do apologise for my obliviousness, dear!" Rarity stammered.
"The poor thing..." The shy pony whispered out with a more sympathetic expression.
"Ya think ya good to stand up, Danny?" Applejack asked with a little bit of concern. It took some effort, but Danny was able to regain feeling in his legs as he stood tall above the six equines. Rarity and the yellow Pegasus both had their mouths agape once they saw the actualy height of him.
"Oh my..." The shy pony could only say.
"Yeah you get used to it, Fluttershy." Rainbow assured the other Pegasus known as 'Fluttershy'.
"Oh, Danny. I'm so glad you're okay!" Pinkie Pie bounced up and wrapped her front hooves around Danny with a tear in her eye. After releasing Danny from her hug, Pinkie jumped back down when Rarity put a hoof to her chin and gave a look of disapproval.
"I apologise for saying this... But darling, that apparel isn't suited for a creature like you." Rarity gave her honest review of Danny's current attire which still consisted of the blue tony tiger and light brown shorts with white socks and shoes which only made Danny scowl in annoyance.
"Umm... Mr. Danny, who is that on your shirt... If you don't mind me asking?" Fluttershy asked nervously while Rainbow Dash trotted into the kitchen and retrieved a can of soda from the fridge, offering it to Danny to get him refreshed.
"Last time I gave a shit, I got fucked!" Danny replied before pulling the can tab at the top, only to be met by a large spray of bubbles from the can that squirted all over him and his shirt.
"OH SHIT!! AH FUCK!!!" Danny managed to yell out through the whole ordeal until the ongoing spray of soda finally faltered to a stop. Danny analysed his now damp shirt in irritancy before Twilight piped up.
"Do you want me to get you a towel, Danny?" Twilight asked, concerned with Danny's current state.
"FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU IN THE ASS!!!" Danny screamed in rage, making the others jump back. Fluttershy yelped and hid behind Rainbow Dash, quivering from the rampant human.
Minutes later, Danny was in the bathroom shower upstairs to wash off the rest of the carbonated suds while Rarity took the clothes and wrapped them up for washing before approaching the group of ponies to further discuss about Danny.
"So what I believe is that this Mr. Danny is a human, correct?" Rarity was the first to begin the horde of questions about said person.
"You... BITCH!!" The ponies heard Danny from the bathroom giving more outbursts during the discussion.
"Yes. Unfortunately, none of us have an idea of how he came to Equestria." Twilight admitted.
"Oh shit!!"
"Then we should ask him that once he finishes his shower!" Rainbow Dash encouraged, the other ponies nodded in agreement.
"You... FAGGOT!!"
"I wonder what else he does in the human world, other than fucking apple cider!" Pinkie chimed in, the other ponies gasped in horror.
"Pinkamena Diane Pie! Where do you get the amusement of using such language?!" Rarity yelled at the party pony in a scolding tone, making Pinkie flinch back.
"Huh? All I said was that Danny likes drinking apple cider!" Pinkie defended.
"No! You clearly said that word!" Rarity countered, keeping her glare in check.
"What, 'Fuck'?" Pinkie asked before Rarity yelled again.
"YES! That word!!" Pinkie was starting to grow more intimidated and scared with Rarity's attitude.
"B-but if Danny can say it, then why can't I?" Pinkie Pie complained.
"Because he has Tourette's, Pinkie! That doesn't mean you have to say it as well!" Twilight retorted.
"Why?! I thought it could mean whatever I wanted!" Pinkie replied. Twilight and Rarity facehoofed before giving Pinkie a small pep talk on what the word 'actually meant'. Pinkie gasped in horror before clamping her front hooves to her mouth, she ran off into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of dish soap from a cabinet and sprayed it into her mouth until she started gagging from the atrocious taste.
"Bad mouth! Bad mouth!" Pinkie exclaimed through gags with the other ponies watching on in astonishment with the exception of Rainbow Dash who was on the floor laughing through the whole episode.
"Head and Shoulders, my ASS!!" Danny was heard once more from the bathroom.
After the shower, Rarity returned Danny his now clean clothes as he sat back down on a wooden chair when Twilight came up to him.
"So Danny... We were just talking about you while you were in the shower and we had to ask. How did you end up here in Equestria?"
For a long time in a while, Danny was put into deep thought about how he would explain his entry to this world. Only problem was, that they would probably think he was crazy if he actually told them he came here with some magic broken toaster. So instead, he decided to use one of his stories in an interview he was given when he was back in the human world.
"I walked in someplace to pick up my fucking glasses, and I couldn't stop calling people dicks!" Twilight nodded before asking another question.
"So did these 'people' do anything to you?"
"Yeah! They kicked me out, and the manager called me a dumbass! Like he's my dad and shit!" Danny finished before scratching at his crotch for no primal reason.
Twilight was about to press even more when Applejack piped up.
"Sorry, Twi. Ah'd love to talk more with you and Danny, but ah gotta get back to Sweet Apple Acres for work! Ah'll see ya soon, everypony!"
"I should probably go too. I should conjure up some ideas for clothing for our human friend here." Rarity said, referring to Danny.
"I... don't mean to be a bother, but Angel is probably waiting for me... So, I'll see you later... If that's okay with you..."
After the three ponies took their leave with Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie left with Danny, Pinkie turned back to Danny.
"Hey Danny. Ya got somewhere to go?" Pinkie asked.
"Hell if I know." Danny retorted. The three figured that since Danny was only knew in Equestria, he would have nowhere to go to. So Pinkie Pie offered to let Danny stay with her at Sugarcube Corner, but of course, Danny was reluctant at first because of the pink mare's sporadic behaviour.
"Oh please, Danny! It'll be more funner with you around, It's the least I could do after you enjoyed your party the other night. Please? Pleeeeeeeease?" Pinkie was on her hind knees practically begging Danny to bunk with her at the bakery. Having nowhere else to go, Danny finally gave in.
"Oh, what the hell. I guess so." Danny caved, Pinkie Pie bounced and giggled in delight.
"Yay yay yay!! It'll be so much fun with you baking with me, Danny! We'll bake cookies, we have cool sleepovers and we'll have so many parties!" Pinkie exclaimed, still jumping up and down as usual.
"Calm down, calm down. Don't get a big DICK!!" Danny blurted out in attempts to have Pinkie refrain her bouncing.
Twilight widened her eyes at the unexpected yell while Rainbow Dash once again had her lungs running dry from the vulgar sentence.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
Danny groggily descended down the stairs of Sugarcube Corner early in the morning after being almost literally dragged out of bed by his new landlord, Pinkie Pie (Sort of). After the pink mare had pleaded him to stay with her at this bakery the previous day, Pinkie had soon enough lead Danny back to her workplace before introducing him to the Corner's owners, Mr and Mrs Cake who were at first rather skeptical upon letting a creature from another world, let alone a human staying at their house and bakery but soon warmed up to the idea after being convinced by Pinkie when she told them how he came to Ponyville and that he enjoyed the welcoming party she had prepared for him.
"Goooood morning, Danny!" Pinkie greeted the human just as he set foot into the kitchen. Danny walked over to the counter and saw a box of cereal standing upright with the words, 'TOTAL' written in large red letters.
What nobody or even Danny realised was that just as he was engulfed by the toaster's binding light that took him to Equestria back on his planet, some of the human items and merchandise nearby had been caught in the light due to it having a radius further from where Danny was standing before he found himself in Applejack's pig pen. Most of the items included the very same box of Total on the kitchen counter, a plastic container filled with a red powder and labelled with the words 'Kool-Aid' with the picture of an anthropomorphic jug of red juice, a case of the same beer that Danny gave to Twilight, a tall box of milk-like drink called 'Egg-Nog' and a discarded empty box of fish sticks. While Danny had landed in Sweet Apple Acres, the other stuff had landed in random locations and they probably wouldn't have been found if Rainbow Dash came across one if them and enlisted the help of Twilight to find any more discarded objects which was minutes after Danny and Pinkie left the library to Sugarcube Corner where they soon returned these valuable to said location while Twilight took a full bottle from the beer case to have it analysed from any brewery she could find in either Ponyville or Canterlot.
"So Danny, what's for breakfast? It's the most important meal of the day! Oh, and so is lunch! And dinner! Oh, and don't forget midnight snacks!" Pinkie asked the human who pointed at the box of Total.
"There's some cereal right here." Pinkie looked at the box before cocking an eyebrow.
"Total? I'm not sure. It doesn't sound like a cereal! It doesn't even sound like something you eat and that's what Rarity said to me when I tried to eat a golf ba--!"
"DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT 'TOTAL'!" Danny turned and snapped at Pinkie who flinched back a little before grabbing the box and tipping it's contents into a bowl while giving a nervous smile and giggle. She poured the milk and scooped up some of the cereal which consisted of grain wheat flakes and spooned it into her mouth. She chewed on the flakes while making a concentrated face upon trying to taste the cereal but was both surprised and confused to not find any flavour to it whatsoever, it was pretty bland and tasteless. Either way, Pinkie gulped down the mixture of chewed cereal and milk before wiping the excess milk from her muzzle with a forehoof, she grabbed the box and read the front out loud.
"General Mills, Whole Grain Total. Excellent Source of Calcium. Contains Folic Acid."
Pinkie flipped the box around to look at the contents, her eyes widened when they fell upon the bodily intakes.
"No sugar?!" No wonder the cereal tasted so bland. Being that it was made to be a healthy cereal, it lacked any trace of fattening contents such as sugar and saturates. Danny on the other hand had already left the kitchen and had swallowed the last drop of Egg-Nog before tossing it onto the floor as some missed drops leaked out from the open top.
With breakfast out of the way, Pinkie and Danny prepared their work status in order to be ready for the visit of several customers. Danny and Pinkie were back in the kitchen, baking some treats for sale. Pinkie chimed to Danny for assistance.
"Hey Danny, can you get me the vanilla extract from that cabinet over there please?" Pinkie pointed a hoof at a low cabinet which Danny walked over to and opened the door while trying to look for the extract while Pinkie Pie engaged in conversation with said human.
"So Danny, what do you think of Mr Cake?" Pinkie asked.
"Fuck him! He's an ass! Go touch his dick!" Danny fell for the Tourette's effect again, leading him to insult the stallion in question. Pinkie just stared at Danny with a confused expression before deciding to change the subject a little.
"Soooo... What do you think about Mrs Cake, then?"
"I wouldn't fuck her with your own dick!" Pinkie Pie smiled nervously at Danny, knowing only what 'Fuck' meant thanks to Twilight and Rarity. She had no idea what 'dick' or 'ass' meant but chose not to bring it up with the possibility of knowing they could be bad words aswell.
Pinkie walked over to the fridge only to find an empty space on one of the door shelves.
"Danny, wasn't there some Egg-Nog here before?" Pinkie asked the human.
"Your cake boss bitch's the one that dicks with the Egg-Nog, not me!" Danny retorted, Pinkie turned to see the empty carton along with a small puddle of the leftover nog.
"Then... what's that white stuff on the floor?" Pinkie asked curiously.
"That's my ass!"
After several minutes of more talking, Danny found the vanilla extract and handed it over to Pinkie who spilled a few drops into the mixing bowl before stirring with the wooden spoon. Later, she dolloped the mix into the crevices of a cupcake tray and pushed it into the oven for the mix to bake.
"While we wait for the yummy cupcakes, why don't you serve the customers, Danny?" Pinkie asked, Danny walked over to the front counter and awaited for Sugarcube Corner's first customer of the day. After several minutes, a grey furred Pegasus with a blonde mane and tail walked in. One of her eyes looking straight at the counter while the other was facing the opposite direction, it was none other than Ponyville's mail mare, Derpy Hooves.
"Hi! What muffins have you got on sale today?" Derpy greeted Danny who only kept his stoic expression.
"Men's Asses." Was Danny's only response, Derpy cocked her eyebrow at the random remark before chiming up again.
"Do you have any muffins?" Derpy asked sincerely, Danny was starting to get irritated from the wall-eyed mares persistence and decided to show her how he was really feeling right now.
"Does this look like the ass of someone who knows if we have any muffins?" Danny questioned before immediately turning his back to Derpy, bending over and pulling his shorts down, his fat Taco Bell ass in plain sight for Derpy to see. Instead of being disgusted however, she looked at Danny's butt before putting a hoof to her chin.
"You don't have a Cutie Mark?" Pinkie jumped right into the scene before Danny could answer and greeted the Pegasus.
"Hiya Derpy! Your daily dose of muffins, today?" Derpy nodded with a smile.
The two mares exchanged a few words before Pinkie placed a muffin in a paper bag and giving it to Derpy who gave her some coins as payment, Danny piped up upon seeing the coins after Derpy left with the bag in her mouth.
"How many dollars is that?" Danny asked, making Pinkie giggle.
"Dollars? Ponyville's currency is 'bits', ya sily filly!" Just then, a DING! could be heard from the kitchen.
"Oh, I think the cupcakes are ready!" Pinkie bounced over to the oven before pulling the lid open.
"You get the tray, Danny." Pinkie instructed, Danny grabbed the cupcake tray and immediately dropped it when the searing hot metal made contact with the hands, scattering the cupcakes onto the floor in the process.
"OH BOB SAGET!!! Danny yelled out loud.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
Diamond Tiara gets her 'Just Desserts'
Danny found himself outside in Ponyville once again after being politely excused by Pinkie Pie so he could let his hands recover from the horrible 1st degree burns he received from trying to take the cupcakes out back at Sugarcube Corner. He could only scowl at the sight before him as it reminded him of one nagging thought: Where was he going to find a TV? Sugarcube Corner of course didn't have one due to the fact that Pinkie was always working there and that the Cakes had two foal offspring to care for. Which no other idea of what to do next, Danny trudged on forward in order to try and locate a pony who had a TV at all. As you would expect, Ponyville was busting with life as other citizen ponies were talking to each other, shopping at small markets or even playing. Danny took no notice of the curious stares most of them gave him the minute he set foot into their field of vision.
Danny felt like he had been walking for hours when it was really just a few minutes when he turned to find that he had passed through the whole of Ponyville was now facing a dirt path that lead to a large building in the distance. Said building had a small bell tower at the roof and was accompanied by a tall red flag post and a wide signpost that had a picture of an open green book. To the buildings left was what appeared to be a playground of some sorts that was full with smaller ponies, their chattering and laughter could be almost heard from where Danny was standing. Out of curiosity, Danny approached the building.
The sounds of children playing grew louder until Danny was just outside the front entrance, he looked at the playground to see smaller ponies of different colours which were no doubt fillies and colts. Among the crowd, Danny could see three familiar fillies, who appeared to be glaring two other fillies, one was light pink with a curled mane of purple and white that donned a tiara, her flanks having a tattoo of a tiara as well. The other had a grey coat with a mane of lighter grey and white, her flanks having a tattoo of a fancy spoon made from silver. Like Danny, she had glasses as well. From the distance he was standing, Danny could hear them arguing.
"Ah' don't care if your so rich! What did we ever do to ya to get this kind of treatment!" The yellow filly, Applebloom yelled out.
"Oh, that's easy! You were born as blank flanks!" The pink filly insulted, making the opposing three fillies deepen their glare.
Danny walked over to the fighting 5 fillies to see if it would escalate in a thrashing of hooves, as he did however, the pink filly turned her head and looked up at the human before giving a smug glare.
"And what are you supposed to be?! Some kind of two legged fat alien!" Danny scowled upon hearing the word 'fat' used on him unnecessarily.
"I'm not the one with the bitchy attitude!" Danny retorted.
"What is that supposed to mean?!" The tiara filly questioned.
"You're a faggot!" Danny spat out at the filly who felt even more insulted.
"Wait! It's you!" Sweetie Belle pointed a hoof at Danny in awe while Scootaloo and Applebloom were mentally rooting for him. The grey filly on the other hand was starting to get nervous with every second of watching the tall human.
"Um... Diamond Tiara, maybe we should just go." The grey filly stammered with fear, Diamond Tiara scoffed the filly.
"Geez Silver! When has something like a giant overweight alien scared you before?!" Diamond said with a scowl.
That finally set Danny off, the rage boiling inside of him along with his Tourette's. Before he did the inevitable, he gave one last message to Diamond Tiara.
"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Diamond Tiara was too late too apprehend what Danny was going to do next when she suddenly felt a painful brute force against her stomach while feeling the wind push against her as if she had just been thrown, or in this case: kicked. Diamond's stomach pain was countered with a back pain when she hit the ground, she gripped her stomach with her hooves in pain hoping that she hadn't received any broken ribs. She looked back at Danny, the grey filly known as Silver (Spoon), Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and lastly Danny who were now several metres a away from her. Danny bent down for a few seconds before holding what looked like a shoe in his hand.
"I'LL THROW MY SHOE AT YOUR FAGGOT ASS!!"
Danny lobbed the piece footwear straight at Diamond as it made sharp contact with her muzzle and bounced off, her front hooves were now on her injured nose as she wailed in pain. Diamond Tiara slowly pulled her hooves away to look at her nose to find blood leaking out of the nostrils, through strained tears, she glared back at Danny while Silver Spoon looked at Danny with shock.
"You horrible meanie, you broke my nose! I'm telling Ms. Cheerilee!" Diamond screamed before getting back on all fours and running off into the building with pained tears in her eyes. Silver Spoon watched her beaten friend retreat before looking back at Danny who only gave a scowl, making her yell out.
"PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!" Silver Spoon yelled before running away in fear after Diamond Tiara. Danny finally calmed down and looked at the three fillies who had faces of amazement.
"That... was so... awesome!" Scootaloo squeaked, the other two agreed before they all applauded Danny for giving that spoilt, sadistic little cunt what she deserved.
"You said your name was Danny when Twilight met you the other day, right?" Sweetie Belle asked, Danny simply nodded.
"Well it's mighty great to meet ya, Danny! Ah'm Applejack's sister, Applebloom! This is Scootaloo and this is Sweetie Belle, and together we make..." Applebloom introduced her and the other two to Danny before they all cheered in unison.
"The Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Danny raised his eyebrows.
"We are on a quest... to find out about our true talents and get out Cutie Marks!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed, Danny was starting to somewhat get the idea.
"You mean those tattoos I've been seeing on their asses?" Danny asked, this made the crusader laugh.
"Yes, but they're Cutie Marks, not tattoo's!" Scootaloo laughed.
"Hey! I just thought of something! Since you helped us from Diamond Tiara, how about we do something for you!" Sweetie Belle conjured up her idea.
"Just find me a TV or something." Danny shrugged.
"Okay! Cutie Mark Crusader TV Locaters!" The three fillies chimed before exchanging farewells with their perhaps new human friend. Danny scratched his head before turning around, exiting the playground to explore more of this crazy colourful world.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
The Quest for the Holy Tee Vee
The Cutie Mark Crusader, Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle trotted off into Ponyville after finishing their day at Ponyville School in order to find their quest item: a television for their new human friend, Danny. They asked several pony residents on where they could find such a device and came out with information on several malls in Canterlot while hearing that there was one store that sold electrical devices like TV's in Ponyville dubbed 'Ponyville Elec-sclucives'. As they enter the store, the three fillies jaws hung wide in awe at the array of devices and knick knacks everywhere you looked. There were aisles that stored such devices such as the videogame system called 'The Ponycom Family System' that was packaged with a free video game, 'Buck Hogan's SSX Snowboard Ultra Deluxe Premium (with 3D)!'. Many of the customers were usually seen as normal everyday nerds, one of which was holding a cell phone, playing 'Ponymon GO'. The Crusaders' eyes were shifting at every angle possible to find a TV until they finally laid eyes on a certain electrical object.
It was wide and black, a light reflective piece of plastic was bordered around into a rectangular shape that was held up by some kind of small podium, the word 'PONY' written in a fancy white font was plastered at the bottom of the border. Yep, it was a TV no doubt. Upon realising this, the three fillies cheered once more.
"Cutie Mark Crusader TV Locaters!"
Back at Golden Oaks Library, Danny had been called by Twilight so he could answer several she had in mind in order to learn more about him and the human world. A notepad and pencil levitating in front of her so she could take notes, with no time spent. Twilight began the questionnaire.
"So Danny, you're from the human world, correct?" Twilight asked. Danny nodded in response.
"Alright, so here's my real first question. Which part of the human world did you come from?"
"America." Danny answered with a shrug, Twilight wrote this down before continuing.
"Okay... Does this 'America' have a leader of some sorts?"
"A president. George W. Bush, or better known as colonel cluster fuck." Danny replied.
"So, do you have something against this Mr. Bush?" Twilight questioned with concern.
"Fuck him! He's an ass! I'd like to..." Danny proceeded into a major raunchy rant about doing something quite grotesque and unnecessary to the president of USA, Twilight's concern was heightening with every word he ears picked up until Danny finally finished his answer.
"Danny, if this Bush has some kind of leadership of where you come from, then you could get into really big trouble if he heard all that!" Twilight warned Danny cautiously.
"I DON'T GIVE A DEAD MOOSE'S LAST SHIT! THATP PLACE IS AMERICA, I HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH! AND IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT, THEY CAN GO FUCK THEIR FUCKING SELVES!" Danny spat out with disgust, Twilight flinched at the outburst before gulping nervously.
Back at Ponyvile Elec-sclusives
"But it's all the bits we have! What if we paid you the rest later, we'll work for it!" Scootaloo begged the cashier.
Unfortunately, things weren't going according to plan with the crusaders. The very TV they had found was at a price of 650 bits and all they had were 47, they were 603 bits short. The three were giving the cashier their best sad puppy eyes in hopes of changing his mind but to no avail.
"47 bits is not enough, either pay me the full price or you can come back in 15 years when you have jobs and have enough money to even afford any insurance!" The cashier spat in annoyance at the crusader's persistence. Obviously, this wasn't going anywhere unless the three fillies had another back up plan. Luckily, they managed to come up with one.
Sweetie Belle started to sob hysterically which immediately grabbed the cashier's attention.
"T-T-There's a friend we have at Canterlot hospital who has a horrible disease! He can't walk or move! And we're just trying to give this TV to his family as a gift before he... he DIES!!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed, bursting into a tearful breakdown with Applebloom and Scootaloo joining in straight away.
"How can ya be so heartless at a desperate time like this?!" Applebloom choked out before the three fillies grappled each other in a wailing group hug.
That finally got the cashier to lower his stance down. The fact that these three fillies were just trying to get the TV as a gift for a dying friend and that he had just tried to shoo them away really tore away at his own heart. Struck with major remorse, he finally caved before handing the TV over to the crusaders, free of charge. The fillies smiled and wiped their tears before making off with the TV.
"Thank you! Thank you so much!!" Sweetie Belle called out gratefully as they exited the electrical appliance store.
The crusader were now in the square of Ponyville when they stopped to catch a breather since they had been pushing a rather heavy TV all the way from the store.
"Good work, girls!" Scootaloo praised Applebloom and Sweetie Belle with a smirk.
"Yeah! Now we just need to find Danny!" Sweetie Belle added. The other two nodded before reaffirming their grip of the TV to find Danny.
Twilight reread her notes and picked up on the answers to her questions that Danny had answered before she looked back up at Danny and asked one last question.
"Do you have any family or friends back at America, Danny?"
"My grandpa died 15 years ago! NOBODY GAVE A SHIT!" Danny blurted out.
"Well... I'm uh... Sorry to hear about that." Twilight said with a faint sigh, she wrote down her answer before calling out to Spike.
"Spike! I need you to take a letter!" Spike saluted and retrieved a blank sheet of paper for Twilight to write on.
"Dear Princess Celestia,
2 days ago, a creature known as a 'Human' from another world crash landed into Applejack's farm and found his way into Ponyville. His name is Danny and is rather friendly if not a little stubborn, he has a human condition named 'Tourette's Syndrome' which forces him to shout vulgar words out of his own will. Pinkie Pie has offered to take care of him at Sugarcube Corner as a means of shelter and has become quite the talk of Ponyville. Before writing this letter, I asked him several questions about him and the human world where he comes from. You'll find the notes with this letter which are the written answers that I got from him. I hope that you will be happy to meet him as soon as possible as he is quite the interesting fellow to talk to.
-Twilight Sparkle"
After finishing off the letter, Twilight rolled up the paper with the notes inside before handing it to Spike who exited the library and set off to Canterlot to have it delivered straight to the Princess of Equestria, Celestia. Seconds later, the door opened again to reveal the Cutie Mark Crusaders with the TV still in their hooves.
"Danny! We finally found you!" Sweetie Belle cheered as she and the other two presented the widescreen device to Danny who gave an expression of amazement. For their efforts, Danny walked over to the beer crate that Twilight retrieved from Sugercube Corner this morning and was holding on to it for further research and gave a bottle each to the fillies as a reward.
"Thank ya, Mr Danny!" Applebloom said before she and the other two started their trek back to their clubhouse with a beer bottle in their forehooves.
Twilight inspected the TV in curiosity before looking up at Danny.
"Is this what you wanted the TV guide for on the day you came here?" Danny nodded before the door burst open once more as Rainbow Dash sped inside with a leaflet in her mouth.
"Twilight, thomethingth happening tonight!" Rainbow Dash said with her speech impeded from the leaflet, she lowered on to the floor and dropped the leaflet for Twilight to read.
Ponyville Get Together! Hosted by Mayor Mare!
Refreshments, music and entertainment for everypony!
Ponyville Square, 8PM sharp.
Twilight smiled in delight.
"A get together? This sounds like fun! We should go, Rainbow Dash! You coming too, Danny?"
Danny was taking no notice of what Twilight was saying as he was too preoccupied with looking for something to munch on in the kitchen fridge.
"Who gives a shit about Bigfoot?! Men's Asses!" Danny exclaimed, Rainbow Dash laughed at the remark as usual. Twilight on the other hand was stumped on who Danny was referring to as 'Bigfoot'.
The Ponyville Square was bustling with every resident of Ponyville who were having a conversation or helping themselves to the many refreshments, courtesy of Pinkie Pie. Danny was helping himself to another beer while being convinced by Rainbow Dash to let her have a taste of the alcoholic beverage to which Danny eventually gave in.
"Hey Danny!" Pinkie Pie called out, bouncing over to her roommate.
"I see the gutter mouth human is here as well!" Applejack chimed in with a smirk, she was joined by Fluttershy and Rarity.
"Ah, we meet again, Danny darling." Rarity greeted politely.
"Um... H-hi, Mr Danny." Fluttershy whispered. Danny simply nodded in response when the mayor of Ponyville, Mayor Mare appeared on a stage and began her speech.
"I would like to thank everypony who arrived here to celebrate this evening in Ponyville as a 'thank you' for keeping Ponyville in working condition up until now!"
Everypony with the exception of Danny applauded, Mayor Mare continued her speech.
"As the Mayor of Ponyville, I wish everypony to have a good time at this night as--" A large puff of smoke engulfed both the Mayor and the stage before clearing out to reveal a blue carriage which was on the stage and had apparently taken Mayor Mare's place as the door burst open. Twilight scowled in frustration.
"Oh no... It's her..." Twilight grunted as a light blue unicorn with mane of a lighter shade leaped out of the carriage, donning a purple cape and hat that was decorated with white stars and moons. The pony finally spoke out just as it landed into the floorboards.
"Feast your eyes, everypony! For the Great and Powerful Trixie has returned!" The pony addressed as Trixie Lulamoon boasted before receiving unamused groans and boos from the majority of the audience which she took no notice of.
"And now, for the introductory act! Trixie shall--"
"FAGGOT!!" Danny's Tourette's got the better of him as he let out another outburst, making Rainbow Dash laugh. Trixie looked around for the source of the noise until her glare reached the sight of Danny.
"YOU!" Trixie screamed out, pointing a forehoof at Danny who turned his head at the unicorn that was still keeping her glare at him.
"You think you have the gall to interrupt the Great and Powerful Trixie?! Of all the nerve!" Danny only responded with a silent stoic expression before taking a sip of his beer. Trixie growled at Danny ignorance and fired a blast of magic that knocked the bottle out of Danny's hand and spilled the contents onto the ground. Danny looked back at Trixie with a scowl.
"If you think you are more important than Trixie by simply interrupting her, then Trixie hereby challenges you, creature from the outside to a magic duel!" Trixie boasted out. Danny trudged towards the stage and climbed up where Trixie found him to be much taller than she expected.
"No matter, You're size shall not intimidate the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie yelled out while observing Danny.
"Give her a good socking, Danny!" Rainbow Dash rooted for Danny all the way. The Cutie Mark Crusaders joined in.
"Give her the same treatment you did to Diamond Tiara, Danny!" They all chimed.
"Is the outsider ready to face the Great and Powerful Trixie?!" Trixie asked Danny who gave a face of determination.
"IT'S ON, FAGGOT!!"
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
Dear Twilight Sparkle...
I and my sister, Princess Luna are for one intrigued to hear about this human newcomer to Equestria. As you are aware, The Grand Galloping Gala is held tomorrow night and we would like for you to come to Canterlot as early as possible before the Gala so we can meet your human friend.
Encased in this letter are 7 tickets to Canterlot via the Ponyville express. I hope we can learn more about the human world from your new friend once you reach Canterlot.
Princess Celestia.
It was an early morning in Sugarcube Corner as Danny was watching the new TV that he had managed to relocate to with the help of Rarity and Twilight. Pinkie Pie was sitting next to him on the couch and was observing the many channels of streamed media due to Danny continuously switching channels in attempts to find a good show, he stopped upon what looked like a commercial for a fruit drink in Canterlot. The advert showed several fillies all bored sitting at a table when a large bottle of juice with legs appeared which made the fillies jump out of their seats in enjoyment. The bottle got out a pitcher of the same juice inside him and poured a glass for each of the fillies before a bottle of the same juice with a label reading Fruitti-tutti Juice appeared on screen.
"I COULD SHIT A BETTER KOOL-AID COMMERCIAL!!" Danny spat out making Pinkie flinch a little.
A knock could be heard on the front door.
"I'll get it!" Pinkie said as she bounced to the door and opened it, letting Twilight inside.
"Danny! Danny!" Twilight clambered to where Danny was and called out to him. Danny slammed his fists on the couch in frustration and hollered back.
"WHAT?!!" Twilight jumped back at the response but kept her composure.
"Sorry to disturb you! But I got a letter from the Princess this morning! She's invited you to Canterlot to attend The Grand Galloping Gala!" Twilight said in a pace almost as fast as Pinkie's.
"What the hell do you mean 'The Grand Galloping Gala'?" Danny snorted. Pinkie Pie grinned and bounced over.
"It's amazing, Danny! The Gala only happens once a year! And it's where only the most important of ponies are invited to Canterlot to attend a ballroom dance at Princess Celestia's castle!" Pinkie said with an excited giggle. Danny only responded with his typical stoic expression before taking another slug of his beer. Pinkie immediately gasped dramatically.
"Oh my gosh! I just realised! Danny doesn't have anything to wear for the Gala! Quick, to Rarity's!" Pinkie yelled out before dragging Danny out of Sugarcube Corner and heading straight to Carousel Boutique, leaving a dumbfounded Twilight still at the Corner.
"Well I must say, it would be an honour to make some clothes for our darling human friend!" Rarity chimed with eagerness. Pinkie Pie bounced with joy.
"Yay! This year's Gala is going to be the best!" Pinkie exclaimed, Danny of course was paying no attention and was slouched on the couch taking some more chugs of his beer.
"Oh, Danny dear! Can you come over here, please? I need to measure you for your Gala clothes." Rarity asked, Danny shrugged and marched over to Rarity who measured every length of his body including his torso, arms and legs. After several minutes of measuring, Rarity took notes of the measurements before retrieving the fabrics needed.
"I do hope that Danny will love his Gala suit. I've never really made clothes for a human before." Rarity said, a little anxious as she turned to find only her and Pinkie inside.
"Umm... Rarity, where did Danny go?" Pinkie Pie asked when she looked around also to no sign of the human.
"Well now, class. It appears we have a visitor today, and it's none other than the human newcomer himself, Danny!" The Ponyville School teacher, Cheerilee said to her class as Danny stumbled into the classroom and was met with stares from the colts and fillies. He had grown bored after being measured by Rarity back at Carousel Boutique and had instead decided to wander off until he met Cheerilee in Ponyville who invited him over to the school as an introduction to her class.
"Hey, Danny!" Sweetie Belle said, waving her hoof at the human with Applebloom and Scootaloo doing the same. Diamond Tiara gave Danny a cold glare while Silver Spoon sank her head under her school desk in fear.
"Now from what I have heard from Ms Twilight Sparkle, Danny here has Tourette's Syndrome, a human infliction that makes you do sporadic things randomly such as shouting vulgar words so If Danny says anything like that, then he doesn't really mean it. Understood, class?" Cheerilee explained, the class nodded as Cheerilee signalled Danny to follow her to the chalkboard.
"Now are there any questions you would like for Danny?" Twist raised her hoof.
"Yes Twist?" Cheerilee asked.
"Do you remember anything from back at your own world?" Twist asked the human.
"Yes. I bought some Colgate toothpaste, the one with Tartar Control. And it made me feel LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!!" Danny explained before erupting another outburst. Some of the colts and fillies started to giggle while Cheerilee blushed with embarrassment.
"Well, umm... Is there anything you'd like to ask Twist now, Danny?" Danny nodded as he pointed a finger at the filly in question.
"Why don't you make like a banana AND SHIT!!! " Danny spat out, the whole class including Silver Spoon except for Diamond Tiara were desperately trying to stifle their laughter at this point. Applebloom raised her hoof.
"Yes, Applebloom?" Cheerilee said.
"Ah have my older sister, Applejack. My big brother, Big Macintosh. And Granny Smith. Don't ya have any family, Danny?" Applebloom asked.
"I love my grandma Jenelle, she's the sweetest person in the entire world. And god bless her..." Danny retorted.
"Awww..." Cheerilee, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom said with a smile.
"BUT SHE'S OLD AS FUCK!!!" Danny immediately burst out, which caught Cheerilee by surprise. The class couldn't take it anymore and the majority of them fell onto the floor in their laughing fit with Cheerilee trying to calm them down to no avail. Finally, the class calmed down from their laugh spree from the hearing of cuss words and got back on their seats.
"Now class, I'm certain that what Danny is saying may be rather humorous to you all, but we must focus on our schoolwork and not get distracted now. Okay?" Cheerilee spoke out, the class nodded when a clattering noise was heard outside.
"What's all the damn noise?!" Danny asked while walking to the window, Cheerilee looked out to see two stallions maintaining a wooden wagon that operated as a garbage disposal.
"Oh, the garbage disposal is taking care of the school waste." Cheerilee said.
"It sounds like Chewbacca taking a shit!" Danny interjected before mimicking said character's signature noise.
"Uhh... I'm certain that doesn't sound like somepony using the lavatory." Cheerilee assured.
"Yes it does!" Danny argued.
"No it doesn't!" Cheerilee argued back.
"Yes it does!" Danny retorted as he made the same noise again.
"Mr Danny, the garbage disposal does not sound like somepony using the restroom!" Cheerilee said with a more stern tone.
"Oh fuck you, you're grounded!" Danny yelled.
"What?! What for?!" Cheerilee said with a shocked look.
"Because you don't the garbage disposal sounds like Chewbacca taking a shit, that's why! Now go to your room!" Danny yelled at Cheerilee who gave a dumbfounded look. The class was giggling once again as a voice from outside yelled out.
"Do you mind? Someponies are trying to work here!" One of the stallion trash workers yelled out in annoyance. Danny poked his head out of the window.
"PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS!!! Go count your dick!" Danny yelled back at the stallion who gave a disgusted glare. The class was laughing like crazy once more, Cheerilee facehoofed at the whole situation.
"Go count your dick!" Scootaloo mimicked through giggles, making her two friends laugh even more.
"Scootaloo! Do not repeat what Danny says!" Cheerilee scolded, but her angered voice was unheard from the entire class laughter. Diamond Tiara herself was starting to giggle at this point. Believing that his work here was done, Danny exited the classroom and left the schoolhouse, leaving a rather irritated Cheerilee with the still chortling class. Outside the school, Danny heard the bubbly voice of his landlord.
"There you are, Danny! I have been looking all over for you!" Pinkie Pie called out with a relieved expression, glad that her human friend wasn't hurt.
"What are you doing at Ponyville school?" Pinkie asked as she checked her surroundings and found the school house.
"My wife was fucking everybody in Bismark!" Danny replied without a second thought. Pinkie Pie cocked an eyebrow as Rarity chimed in.
"Danny! I have finally finished your Gala wear, come on!" Rarity exclaimed with passion as she lead Danny and Pinkie back to Carousel Boutique.
Danny turned around in multiple directions as he observed himself wearing a white tuxedo with trousers of the same colour and white canvas shoes. He gave an impressed nod with every turn when Rarity commented on the wear.
"Oh my, Darling! It must feel good to be in some new attire after so long! Now let me just remove this from your neck and--" Rarity said as she used her magic to unlatched the neck cast.
"NO!!!" Danny immediately cut her out and grappled the cast before reattaching it.
"Oh dear! I'm sorry! I didn't know you needed it that badly!" Rarity apologised with a flustered tone. That was when Sweetie Belle opened the door and entered the boutique.
"Oh hello, Sweetie Belle! Have a good day at school?" Rarity asked.
"It was great, Rarity! Danny was there and we all had a great fucking time!" Sweetie chimed. Rarity and Pinkie both went wide eyed at what the filly had just said. Rarity gave a nervous smile as she turned to Danny and the party pony.
"Err... Pinkie and Danny? Why don't you go outside and explore the rest of Ponyville while I take Sweetie Belle somewhere for a private talk? Here's your regular clothes back, Danny. I recommend you change back into them to avoid wrinkling your Gala suit." Rarity handed Danny his casual apparel back before he and Pinkie exited the Boutique.
"Where are we going, Rarity?" Sweetie Belle asked as she was lead upstairs by her older sister.
"Oh, just for a little talk, Sweetie." Rarity said, leading Sweetie Belle to the bathroom, hiding a bar of soap beside her.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
"Danny! Danny! Wake up!" Pinkie Pie bounced on the sleeping human in attempts to wake him up. Danny tossed and turned in his bed before giving an infuriated complaint from the continuous pounds of hooves pressed against him.
"Oh fuck!!" Danny managed to yell out.
"Come on, Danny! We gotta get ready for Canterlot!" Pinkie was still bouncing on Danny.
"It's what happens when Alex Trebek has a picture of a giraffe in his ass during an earthquake!" Danny spat out but Pinkie wasn't going to give up that easily. With no other choice, Pinkie took hold of one of Danny's arms with her front hooves and started to pull him out of bed. It was no easy task because of Danny's build, but eventually Danny was out of his bed but still refusing to get up. Pinkie continued to drag him across the floor until the staircase was just behind her, she pondered on how she would get the heavy human down the stairs with out causing any damage with out noticing that Danny's upper half was hanging over the case which was making his entire body slip off slowly.
"OW!! SHIT!! FUCK!! FAGGOT!! PISS!! ASS!!!" Pinkie was cut from her train of thought when the outburst of swears filled her ears, making her look down in horror to see Danny tumbling down the stairs, letting out a cuss every time he hit a stair. It was only a few seconds when Danny finally reached the bottom with Pinkie rushing downwards to tend to the fallen human.
"Danny!! Are you okay?!" Pinkie screamed in panic, hoping that Danny hadn't received any horrendous injuries or worse. Danny shifted a little in response, no only a few bruises but he was alive. Pinkie noticed this as she wrapped her forehooves around Danny in a tight hug, tears welling in her eyes as she spoke out.
"Oh Danny! Thank Celestia you're okay! I'd don't know what I would do if you had gone to the Sugarcube Corner in the sky except cry and cry and cry!!" Pinkie blurted out in a fast and grateful tone. After a moment of tight hugs, Pinkie helped Danny back up before leading him to the kitchen for some breakfast to prepare for their and the other's outing in Canterlot.
Outside the Ponyville Express Station, Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity were awaiting Pinkie Pie and Danny to arrive, Rarity's face was growing with concern while Rainbow Dash was lying on a nearby cloud out of boredom.
"Gosh, I hope Pinkie and Danny dear haven't run into any trouble." Rarity's voiced emanated with worry.
"Ah wouldn't worry, Rar. Pinkie probably had trouble gettin' Danny ready." Applejack reassured just as they all heard the familiar high pitched voice call out.
"Hey guys! Sorry about that, had to drag Danny out of bed!" Pinkie Pie chimed, bouncing over to the five with Danny slowly following behind, the bag with his Gala suit in his hands.
"Just like ah thought." Applejack muttered with a smirk. Rainbow Dash retreated from her resting cloud and joined the others.
"Just in time, Pinkie and Danny." Rainbow said patting a hoof on Pinkie's back as the sound of a chugging locomotive filled all their ears, motivating them look over to the far track to see the Ponyville express slowly approach the station until it reached it's stop and slowed to a halt with a screech.
"Alright, to Canterlot!" Dash exclaimed, the group presented the conductor their tickets and entered the passenger cabinet. Due to the size, Danny had a little trouble with getting comfortable. There was barely little space to stand so he had to sit on his ass for the whole trip.
"IT'S LIKE I'M COMPRESSED INTO JOHN TRAVOLTA'S TINY BALLS!!!" Danny yelled out in frustration, making Rainbow Dash laugh like usual.
"We're here, Danny!" Twilight said, Danny looked out the window to find a bustling royal city. Further into the city was a tall castle that glimmered among the city as the train soon slowed to a stop and a masculine voice echoed through the area.
"Welcome to Canterlot! Please be sure to gather your belongings and have a great time!" One by one, the ponies and human retrieved their essentials and exited the train line. Rarity took in the air and smiled.
"Ahhh, don't you darlings just love that Canterlot air? The smell of royalty and beauty mixes well with the wind!" Rarity complimented the atmosphere, Twilight and Fluttershy nodded while Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie shrugged. The group began their trek to Canterlot castle with the majority of the citizen ponies displaying shocked stares focused at Danny. One of the ponies piped up.
"What in Celestia's name is that thing?!"
The ponies and human reached the front doors of the castle, two stallions donning golden plate armour stood in guard with stern expressions. They parted from the doors and nodded as the entrance opened to reveal the interior which had paths of red carpets that lead to one open doorway on the left and right while the forward was the direction to a staircase, on top were two alicorns, one was much taller and seemed to match the same height as Danny. She had a coat of pure white, much like Rarity's, her mane had streaks of pink, green and blue that flowed and sparkled as if a wind was blowing it along while a golden crown was fixed upon her horn. She wore a necklace and slippers that were the same crown material on her hooves along with the marking of the sun on her flanks. The other alicorn was coated in dark blue with her mane a night blue that flowed in the same manner as the other alicorn's. She wore a black necklace that had the emblem of a crescent moon, her slippers were a bright blue while she had the tattoo of a moon on her flanks. Upon closer inspection, she appeared to be slightly shorter than the white alicorn. They both that warm welcoming smiles on their muzzles.
"It is good to see you all, my little ponies." The white alicorn spoke out with a graceful voice, the ponies all bowed in respect while Danny just stood there.
"It is good to see you too, Princess Celestia." Twilight said with a smile, Celestia looked over her to see Danny just standing.
"Is this the human you described in the letter?" Celestia asked curiously pointing a hoof at said human, Twilight regained her stance and nodded.
"Yes, princess! This is Danny, he's a human--" Twilight said when Danny gave another outburst.
"It's easy to give a shit because Dennis is so full of shit!" Twilight and Rarity put a hoof to their muzzles and blushed in embarrassment.
"And who decides upon themselves to use such language in this castle?!" The dark blue alicorn bellowed in her authorative voice which got Danny by surprise.
"HOLY SHIT!!" Danny spat out before brining a finger to inside his ear.
"Luna, I believe this is the effect of this 'Tourette's Syndrome' that Sir Danny has." Celestia said firmly.
"Oh. My deepest apologies, Sir Danny!" Luna apologised with a bow. Celestia trotted down the staircase to get a better view of the human.
"Interesting, In all my years have I never seen such an intriguing species." Celestia commented. Luna followed behind to get a better look as well.
"Twilight Sparkle, I wish to learn more about Danny's species if possible. Would your friends care to join us?" Celestia asked. The other ponies nodded as Celestia lead them into one of the rooms.
"Wait here, Mr Danny." Luna instructed before following her sister.
...
"Ugh, what is this hairless ape doing in Canterlot Castle?!" A snooty masculine voice entered the room after the group had gone. Danny looked to his left to see a prim white unicorn stallion with a yellow mane.
"I, Blueblood never asked to be greeted by some overweight monkey with glasses!" The unicorn spoke again, Danny was already getting annoyed by the stallion's jerkass attitude.
"What the hell crawled in your dick?" Danny snorted. Blueblood sneered at him.
"I suggest you look who you're actually talking to with those glasses! I bet you can't even see through them! Why don't you get your flank out of my sight and get an actual working pair, you two legged freak?!"
"WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF!!" Danny spat out in anger, this only encouraged Blueblood to continue being a total dick at Danny.
"I'd ought to get on of the guards to cut out that spiteful tongue of yours! Stop wasting my time and just get out of here, you ape-like vagabond!"
That finally set him off, Danny screamed "PISS!!!" at the top of his lungs before charging at Blueblood and giving him a major smackdown. After several punches and kicks, Danny had Blueblood in a headlock, his nose was dripping with blood and he several bruises visible on his coat. Danny continued to punch Blueblood in the gut which made the stallion inch closer to vomiting out blood and viscera when he managed to break free and push Danny off and walk away with a stiff upper lip and a bit of a limp.
"DICKHEAD!!" Blueblood heard Danny yell out, but decided not to increase the argument for he would possibly receive several more rage induced bruises.
At this point, Danny had to use the bathroom.
"I see..." Princess Celestia began as the group of ponies returned from out of the doorway they entered several minutes ago.
"So this human is from a human landscape known as America and came here from a toaster." Celestia concluded, Luna on the other hand was fuming.
"Is there something wrong, Luna?" Celestia asked.
"Argh! No wonder my teleportation spell didn't work correctly!" Luna yelled in frustration.
"Princess Luna?" Twilight said, Luna sighed.
"I was trying to use a teleportation spell to get a new toaster after my old one would no longer work. But instead, I brought in the human." Everyone gasped.
"You mean you brought Danny to Equestria?!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
"Yes..." Luna said with a regretful frown. "I'm sorry if I had caused any trouble at all."
Pinkie Pie was about to comfort Luna and tell her about the fun they had with the human when Applejack suddenly piped up.
"Where the hay is Danny?!"
Danny looked through another doorway to find no toilet anywhere in the room and scowled angrily. He had been looking almost all around the castle to find a restroom after his tangle with Blueblood. There was one last door in the hallway he was in and he opted to look inside only to become face to face with a chef pony, turns out he had found the castle's kitchen.
"There you are, Danny! Everypony's been looking for you when you-- Danny, what are you doing?! That room is for important ponies only!" Twilight called out just as she found Danny looking into the kitchen door. Danny however was in no mood to take her warning seriously because of his frustration of finding a bathroom. He peeked his head out of the door and yelled at Twilight.
"I don't give a Shit... SHIT... SHIT!!!! " Danny slammed the door and walked over to the end of the hallway that parted two ways, in the middle was a lone door. Without thinking twice, Danny inched to it.
"Danny! No, wait!!" Twilight hollered.
Too late, Danny grabbed a hold of the door and forced it open revealing a pink alicorn with a mane that hanged down and was streaked with yellow, pink and purple. The alicorn seemed to be in some kind of funny position, she was sitting on her hind legs on a double bed with one of her forehooves supposedly in between her legs while she was staring at a poster of a white unicorn with a blue mane. She turned her head after hearing the door open and screamed. Danny took no notice of what she was even doing and blurted out once more.
"Where'd the assholes that built this place put the bathrooms?!!" Twilight grabbed Danny's hand with her magic and pulled him away to the restrooms before calling out.
"Sorry, Princess Cadance!!" The alicorn in question stumbled to the door and closed shut to avert any other ponies invading her privacy when she suddenly stopped in her tracks.
"What the... What was that at my door?" Cadance muttered with an estranged look on her face.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
Author's Note
Sorry about the long wait. I was severely struggling with how to continue the story.
The Gala Brawl
There was fifteen minutes until the Gala would begin, Twilight was waiting outside a changing room where Danny was switching to his Gala attire but could be heard having trouble as usual.
"Where's my pants? Where's my pants?" Twilight cocked an eyebrow, confused on how Danny could lose track of his legwear.
"Where's my goddamn pants?!" After one more chant, Twilight rolled her eyes and opened the door to find Danny only with his tuxedo on and no pants, his obese ass in plain sight for the unicorn. Twilight jumped back a little at the sight before realising something.
"Derpy was right, You don't have a Cutie Mark." Twilight said, Danny was paying no attention since he was too distracted on looking for his pants which had somehow been wrapped around his neck without him even knowing (Possibly a prank from Rainbow Dash). Using her magic, Twilight unravelled the trousers and handed them to Danny who wasted no time on putting them on when all of a sudden, a blur of mint green dashed beside Twilight and latched onto Danny.
"Human!!" Lyra squeaked happily.
"HOLY SHIT!!!" Danny yelled in response, Twilight could faintly hear laughing via Rainbow Dash nearby.
Twilight and her friends stood at the main hall with their Gala dresses while Danny was helping himself to another beer, Luna walked over to said human and observed the bottle.
"What is that thou appear to be drinking?" Twilight was quick to answer that question.
"From what I've heard, it's called Beer. It's supposed to be an "alcoholic" drink from the human world." The unicorn said, lifting up the case that still had a few bottles left. Luna took one with her magic and tasted a few drops before recoiling from the bitter flavour, Rainbow Dash on the other hand was already slugging her second bottle tonight and gave a small belch the minute the bottle escaped her lips.
"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity scolded, disgusted with the Pegasus' lack of manners.
Soon after, the other invited ponies arrived thus officially beginning the Gala. Some of the ponies went wide-eyed as usual went their sight was set on Danny who of course took no notice as he was already at the food tables, helping himself to nachos and one Hay-Taco before spitting it out.
"THESE TACO'S TASTE LIKE PAMELA ANDERSONS ASS!!" Danny yelled angrily which caught the attention of the ponies nearby, two of which happened to be Twilight's brother, Shining Armour and his love interest, Princess Cadance.
"Who's Pamela Anderson?" Cadance asked Shining who simply shrugged.
Little did Danny know was that his food-induced satisfaction wasn't going to last long when a certain unicorn he wrestled with earlier entered the scene.
"What?! Who invited that disgusting hairless gorilla to the gala?!" Blueblood yelled out without any second thought, Danny's head perked up from the nacho bowl, recognising the voice. He turned around with his face in disgust which worsened when his eyes found his worst pony enemy.
"Blueblood, I strongly advised you to be civil with Danny." Celestia chimed in with a very stern tone, Blueblood just ignored her and decided to fuck with Danny a little more.
"Hey Jumbo Bald-ape! Your weight is making the other mares faint!" The stallion hollered, Pinkie Pie was taking notice of Blueblood bullying her friend and scowled angrily. She stomped over in front of Blueblood in order to stand up for Danny.
"Hey! Leave Danny alone, you stuck-up meanie pants!" Pinkie gave Blueblood a cold hard glare which did not faze him one bit.
"Oh, why should I?! Do you like that skinny monkey?! So much that you always have dreams of that ape performing bestial acts to you?!" Blueblood countered with perhaps the most sadistic comeback ever. Pinkie gasped in horror as the stallion's horrible words hit her like a brick. She quivered for several seconds before her mane unexpectedly grew larger before sagging until it was hanging from one side like as if it were a deflating balloon, the same could be said for her tail. Pinkie didn't even care what the others would think, she just fell to the floor and burst into tears.
Danny was shocked at the entire episode, he looked at Blueblood who gave no remorse over his actions. The human immediately felt something inside, it was like a boiling fire, a raging inferno of lava circulating rapidly. He was savagely furious at the stallion in question for hurting the party pony severely.
For the first time in possibly forever, Danny actually cared.
Danny's face burned red with rage and hatred upon Blueblood, completely disgusted with his words and he wasn't going take any more of his verbal abuse sitting down. Over time, Danny had been decent with living with Pinkie who was admittedly rather too cheerful but she meant well. She was one of the many people he had met, let alone a talking pony from another world that Danny actually considered to be...
...a friend.
Ever since Danny had arrived in Equestria, Pinkie had shown loyalty and had offered a roof for Danny to sleep under despite his uncontrollable vulgar outbursts.
And now was the perfect time for the human to repay Pinkie for her act of kindness once and for all...
"YOU TWO LEGGED GIRLY HAIRED, FOUR LEGGED, STUCK UP LITTLE DIPSHIT!! I'LL RIP OFF YOUR GODDAMN HORN AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!" Danny roared before he charged full speed at the stallion, ready to give him the ultimate Dwayne Johnson style beat down.
"Danny, wait! Please calm down!!" Twilight called out, running over to the human in attempts to intervene.
"Get out of my way!" Danny seethed, pushing Twilight out of the way before leaping at Blueblood and bringing a single fist to his muzzle, knocking him back. Celestia and Luna both gasped at the beginning of the onslaught that Danny was about to commence on the stallion.
"DANNY, NO!!!" Twilight and Rarity yelled out.
"DANNY, YES!!!" Rainbow Dash hollered.
Blueblood recollected himself as he put a hoof to his broken, bloody muzzle. He glared at Danny, intent on not letting said human humiliate him again.
"Don't you come near me, you son of a bitch." Blueblood seethed. Danny was having none of it and charged at the stallion again, pushing him onto the ground.
"DANNY!!" Twilight called once again, receiving no response.
"Get... the fuck... off of me!" Blueblood strained, using the only magic he had to stop Danny from wrapping his hands around the stallion's neck. Danny's rage induced strength was slowly overpowering his magic hold however and was only inches away from choking the life out of him.
"Fuck you!!" Danny yelled, finally managing to grapple Blueblood's neck and forcefully slamming his head onto the floor repeatedly to cause a possible concussion. All the other ponies including the princesses were to afraid to pull the human away and stop the Gala brawl, all except Applejack who couldn't watch any more and rushed over the human.
"Danny, ya gotta stop this now!!" AJ said, grabbing a hold of Danny's wrist, this in turn only gave Blueblood enough time to punch Danny in the cheek with a forehoof, knocking him back in the process. Blueblood was fuelled by anger as much as Danny was and only cared about beating him until satisfied. He pinned the human down and began to mercilessly punch him in the face left to right. Pinkie Pie heard the ongoing commotion amongst her sobs and looked up to see Blueblood brutally bashing Danny. Her face of sadness was turned to horror and her brain was screaming at her to save Danny, she rushed over to the two and managed to pull Blueblood off of the human. His face was bleeding badly and bruised from the hard impact of Blueblood's hooves, but he wasn't finished yet.
Behind Danny was another food table, on top was a plate holding a large cake that already had several pieces cut from it, next to it was a knife to cut the pieces. Danny grabbed the knife and lunged forward, but was avoided with Blueblood's magic which was surrounding the knife. The stallion threw the cutlery away and stood back up, slowly backing away from the advancing human but still holding his deathly glare.
"Piece of shit! Just get the fuck out of here!" Danny uttered at Blueblood who instead only charged at the human with his horn aimed at his chest. Danny however knew what the stallion's plan was and he quickly countered by grabbing Blueblood by the front hooves and slamming him onto another food table, destroying in the process. The human delivered several hard kick to the stallion's stomach while he was still on the floor. Danny backed up to await Blueblood's next attack, said stallion fell back onto all four hooves after trying to get up and severely vomited blood from the kicks to the stomach.
"I'll fucking kill you...!" Blueblood strained through coughs of remaining blood drops before jumping at Danny and attempt to swing at him, but this backfired when Danny managed to catch the stallion's hoof and push him back onto the ground. With a hand on his muzzle and the other on the front hoof, the human's grip slowly tightened but he was unaware of the damage he was soon about to cause to Blueblood's hoof.
"Danny, please!! He's had enough!!" Twilight desperately tried to intervene once more but to no avail. Blood could be seen slowly leaking from the hoof in Danny's hand, his rage induced strength was crushing the hoof at a slow but very painful pace which was too much for Blueblood to bare, finally making him realise that he was outnumbered from the Danny. His screams of pain were muffled from the human hand on his muzzle but they were still audible.
Finally gaining the courage, Celestia rushed over to the human and wrapped both around Danny. Luna soon followed and both royal alicorns were desperately trying to stop Danny's rampage.
"Danny, stop!! Please!!" Celestia begged, but Danny was still having none of it and remained his grip until a crunch could be heard from Blueblood's hoof, that was only then when the human finally let go and was pulled back by the two sisters. Blueblood was still on the floor looking at his broken hoof, screaming in pain.
"Somepony call the hospital!!" Twilight yelled out, having noticed Blueblood's condition. Two royal guards appeared in the scene and carefully carried Blueblood out of the Gala for medical help with Celestia and Twilight following them, while Luna and Rarity stayed with Danny to comfort him.
"Okay Danny darling, let's just calm down. Take a deep breath." Rarity chimed in a motherly tone. Pinkie Pie walked over to Danny and looked at him, tears slowly leaked from her eyes as her mane and tail returned to their poofy state. Pinkie gave a smile and hopped onto Danny in a bear hug.
"Thank you." Pinkie whispered. All Danny could do was smile and return the gesture of gratitude to his dear friend.
"Jesus Christ on a wholebread, what the hell happened here?" A new voice entered the scene, Danny and Pinkie looked at the doorway to find a certain Draconeequs, and next to him was an overweight man with a white shirt and black overalls who had a long white beard.
Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
Father, Son and Draconeequs
"Umm... Rainbow Dash, I think you might have had enough..." Fluttershy whispered at the cyan Pegasus who was having trouble trying to stand upright, she was surrounded by eight empty beer bottles.
"Guh... I dun't need yuu tellin' me whart to doo, Flootershuy..." Rainbow Dash slurred, followed by a hiccup.
"You're friend over there seems to be in a jumble." Draconeequs assumed smugly.
"She's just had too much to drink, Discord." Rarity retorted.
"There's still one thing we don't know." Applejack began. "How did the big guy get here?" The cowpony referred to the large white-bearded human who was sitting at a table, opposite of him was Danny with Lyra at his side who was ogling both of them with fascination.
"I believe I can answer that." Discord answered before clicking his talons to reveal a levitating orb that showed the a vision of Danny's dad at his home.
"You see, I was eavesdropping on Lulu when she was trying to replace her toaster days ago before you met Danny over there and I happened to see her using unintentionally using more magic than she would've needed to teleport a small object like a toaster from the human world."
Luna scowled at Discord for spying on her, but remained silent to listen to the rest of the story. The orb's vision changed to a scene with the human and Discord.
"The magic did not create just one wormhole to Equestria, but two! And I was the lucky one to find the one that leads to you know who!" Discord pointed at Danny's father.
"And that's how Danny's father is now here in Equestria too." Celestia concluded.
"Exactly!" Discord beamed.
"Fuck the Philippines! They can fill up my ass." Danny's dad blurted before taking a chug of his beer while being cautiously observed by the other ponies.
'The one question that I still don't have the answer to is, how can I get them back home?' Luna pondered in her mind.
The door opened to reveal Twilight and Celestia, having returned from the hospital.
"His ribs and hoof are both badly damaged so he'll have to remain in rest for a few days." Twilight confirmed, Danny only responded with a smug smile. His dad on the other hand was called over by Rainbow Dash who pointed at a slim white unicorn with a pink mane and a Cutie Mark of a Fleur De Lis.
"Heyyyy... I'll give ya twenteh bits if ya try to git that mare's numbuh." Rainbow dared.
"Watch me, I know how to talk to big black women so a freakish talking horse should be no problem." Danny's father accepted the dare and smugly walked over to the unicorn.
"Damn bitch! You've got a stupid fat ass!" Fleur Lis Dee was disgusted with what she was hearing and retaliated by smacking Danny's father in the face with a front hoof, making him fall onto the floor. Rainbow Dash could not contain her laughter at the whole event.
"Dad, are you ok?" Danny asked nearby.
"Hell no, I'm not okay! I'm an old man and I've fell on my ass! Get over here and help me up somebody!" Danny's father retorted.
After calming down from her drunken laughter, Rainbow Dash sluggishly trotted over to the fallen human, holding out a hoof.
"About fuckin' time asshole! God damn it!" The mixture of cussing and Rainbow Dash drunken behaviour was enough to have her laughing once again, making her accidentally drop the human back onto the floor.
"God damn! Guess I have to pick my own ass up!" The human said angrily as he struggled to get back onto his feet and was soon charging straight at the cyan Pegasus despite Twilight's and Rarity's attempt to intervene.
"I'm gonna whip your ass you little son of a bitch! Come 'ere!" Rainbow Dash heard him yell, while trying to get away to avoid a possible ass kicking, she probably would've stood a chance if she wasn't so intoxicated. She flew around in circles to confuse Danny's father before landing under a food table. The said human spun around in search for Dash, until his eyes fell upon a bit of a multi-coloured tail sticking out.
"You think you can get away by hiding under there?! Well I've got news for ya, I can reach you and grab that!" Danny's dad said as he grabbed a hold of Rainbow by her Gala dress and was vigorously trying to pull her out. This however only lead to the dress starting to tear and rip until most of the dress had been separated from the garments that remained on the Pegasus.
"NO!! NOT THE GALA DRESS!!!" Rarity yelled in horror.
This gave enough time for Rainbow Dash to burst through the same door that Twilight and Celestia entered through. Danny's dad was about to go into pursuit when he suddenly stopped in his tracks.
"Oh shit!" He said before clutching his ass with a hand.
"What? You're shocked that you singlehandedly destroyed a very important dress that took me all week to make?!" Rarity asked angrily.
"No! I mean move, I gotta shit!!!" Danny's dad responded as he rushed out the door to a restroom.
Twilight turned to Discord who had been laughing like crazy through out the whole ordeal.
"That human is a riot!" He exclaimed through cackles.
Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie exited the nearby kitchen and walked in with a tray of cupcakes in a forehoof which she had baked to lift everyone's spirits after being authorised to use the castle's kitchen by Celestia. The pink pony was only halfway to the group, minus Rainbow Dash and Danny's dad when she didn't notice a piece of discarded food on the floor which she stepped on and as a result slipped, making both her and the cupcakes fall.
"Oh bob saget!" Pinkie yelled in frustration. Twilight and the others gave a confused stare while Danny only watched on with a proud look.
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Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria
Match of the Night! Danny the Tourettes Guy VS. The Great and Powerful Trixie!
"Oh my..." Fluttershy gasped nervously at the two on stage, Danny and Trixie gave each other determined glares to pump up for the magic duel, the majority of the ponies Danny had come to know were rooting him on.
"Kick her flank, Danny!" Rainbow Dash called out.
"Yeah! You can do it! Take on that bitch!" Pinkie Pie joined in.
"PINKIE!!" Rarity and Twilight yelled at her in disgust, Pinkie put her forehooves to her muzzle, figuring out that 'bitch' was indeed another bad word.
"Oops..."
"Let the duel commence!" Trixie finally declared. The blue unicorn started off the duel by challenging Danny to a telekinesis contest. Trixie picked up an untouched raspberry pie from one of the food stands with her magic and levitated it over her and making it spin around.
Danny was already stumped at this point, he knew for a fact that he had no magic and wouldn't stand a chance if he didn't act fast. Out of instinct, Danny did what he thought was the most reasonable thing to do. He ran out of the stage and over to the beer bottle that Trixie had knocked out of his hand, he picked it up and ran back on stage before slamming it onto Trixie's glowing horn, making the bottle shatter in the progress and distract Trixie from her current act. In response, Trixie yelped while unintentionally letting go of the pie that was still above her before she was met with a splat of pastry and raspberry jam all over her face seconds later, this in turn made some of the audience chortle at the act.
"Well! The Great and Powerful Trixie has never!" Trixie yelled with a scowl, attempting to wipe off the splattered jam and crust on her face. She gave Danny a more infuriated glare.
"So you like to do this the comedic way?! Fine! Then Trixie shall outnumber you with a comedic act off!" Trixie bellowed before using her magic to clean off the rest of the splattered pie. Using her magic, she lifted Danny off of the stage and into the air who felt like he was actually floating.
"HOLY SHIT!!" Danny could only say upon the feeling of being in the air, he looked down to see the entire audience watching on with curiosity but what he didn't know was that Trixie had other plans.
"Time for a crash landing!" Trixie remarked before disabling her magic which made gravity go ape shit on Danny and make him fall back on stage flat on his ass.
"OW!! PISS!!!" Danny yelled out in pain. Trixie smirked at this, but was given boos from the entire audience. Danny looked over at Trixie before yelling out again, now it was his turn.
"Let me tell you... about a porcupine's balls! They're small, and they don't give a shit!!" Some of the audience, mostly the colts and fillies couldn't help but start to giggle at the human's use of swear words.
"You call that and act of humour?! Trixie does not allow this kind of language on this duel!" Trixie scolded Danny who could care less and decided to interpret her into a heated argument.
"FUCK YOU!!" Danny bellowed, Trixie thought hard before deciding to use a more social comeback to continue the fight.
"Yeah?! Well Trixie says BUCK YOU!"
"FUCK YOU!!"
"BUCK YOU!!"
"FUCK YOU!!"
"BUCK... YOU!!"
"I SAID 'FUCK YOU' FIRST SO FUCK YOU!!! "
By now, almost the entire audience including Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were laughing like crazy mostly at hearing Danny's outburst. The only ones who remained silent were Applejack, Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy. The argument between Danny and Trixie wasn't going to stop there.
"BUCK YOU!!"
"FUCK YOU!!"
"BUCK YOU!!"
"FUCK YOU AND EVERY KIM KARDASHIAN THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU!!" Trixie stumbled back, wide eyed at the insult. The laughter from the audience grew louder despite not knowing who this 'Kim Kardashian' was. Trixie face began to turn red with rage before she found herself unable to control her violent rage.
"ARRRRGH!! TRIXIE WILL TEACH YOU FOR MAKING HER A FOOL IN FRONT OF EVERYPONY!!!" Trixie screamed as her horn glowed once again and the same aura that was around Danny when she was pulling her comedy act returned. Danny felt the air push against him as he was suddenly flung towards one of the nearby houses and crashed into a wall, several cracks were a result of the tremendous impact. The audience gasped with horror at the sight of Trixie practically trying to severely injured Danny out of anger and humiliation, Trixie threw Danny back onto the stage before trotting over to him.
"Do you concede to Trixie?!" Trixie asked with a threatening glare, Danny only responded with sheer rage by grabbing a broomstick that laying on the stage floorboards and took a swing at Trixie, the unexpected whack made the unicorn tumble on lose her footing before she fell onto her stomach unaware that Danny was about to repeatedly swat her with the broom like a fly.
"OW!! STOP!! OW! TRIXIE IS NOT A-- OUCH!! TRIXIE DEMANDS YOU TO STO-- AARRRGH!!! OWWW!!!" Trixie constantly attempted to refrain Danny from his onslaught of broom whacking but her speech was always cut off with a whack of the broom to her head. After several more swings, Danny finally ceased his swatting and dropped the broom and was readjusting his glasses while Rarity finally piped up.
"Danny, darling! I believe Trixie wasn't intending this to be a violent duel!" Rarity called out with concern.
"I'M TOO PISSED TO GIVE A SHIT!!" Danny shouted in response while Trixie managed to get back on all fours and sent a blast of magic to Danny's stomach without him even noticing. Danny was flung towards the end of the stage just before he stopped at the very edge.
"Danny, no!!" Pinkie yelled in panic before grabbing a cupcake seemingly out of nowhere and had it aimed towards the downed human, the cake in question had a kind of leaf green icing. With a precise throw, Pinkie launched the cupcake at Danny as it tumbled onto his chest. Danny recovered from the whole trauma and picked up the cupcake with a confused look.
"Pinkie, what kind of cupcake did you throw at Danny exactly?" Rarity asked, a little skeptical on how just a cupcake would help Danny with his current situation.
"Oh! The icing is actually made from some kind of leafy stuff called spinach which was shipped from Appleoosa this morning!" Pinkie retorted with a smile.
Danny took one bite of the cupcake and swallowed when he suddenly leaped back on his legs and felt the energy pulsating within him as he gave a death glare at Trixie who stared at him dumbfounded.
"How did you get back up so quickly after all that?!" Trixie said, Danny only trudged forward and gave one last outburst.
"Pissing out the window, and shitting out the window are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!!!" And with that, Danny pulled his fist backwards before swinging straight at Trixie, making contact with her muzzle before Trixie was propelled right out of the stage and into a building with brute force.
Trixie slowly slid off the building wall before regaining consciousness and felt some kind of fluid dripping down her muzzle, she put a hoof to her nose to see some blood. Danny had practically almost broken her nose, she gave a death glare at Danny.
"HOW DARE YOU ATTACK TRIXIE!! YOU RUFFIAN!! YOU BARBARIAN!! YOU... YOU... YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!" Trixie screamed out with pure rage and immediately slapped both front hooves to her mouth after realising what she had just blurted out. She looked to the audience to find nothing but unamused scolding glares all focused on her.
"Eh heh heh... Umm... Trixie never meant... uhh..." Trixie stammered nervously as Twilight and her other 5 friends approached her with stern looks.
"Just drop it, Trixie." Twilight said with a serious tone.
"Yeah Trix, if you messed up the first time, then you were gonna mess up this time." Rainbow Dash joined in.
"I guess this means Danny won the duel!" Pinkie Pie gleamed as she looked back at Danny with a smile.
"Yay Danny!" The Cutie Mark Crusaders cheered. The majority of the audience agreed before applauding Danny for the whole show, Danny felt good inside, knowing he had become respected for doing the inevitable.
"Wha--?! But--?! This isn't fair! That was Trixie's show, not his--!! ARGH!!" Trixie stuttered before screaming in defeat, she ran into her carriage which made off before she could receive any more backlash.
Among the approving crowd, Danny heard the familiar voice of someone when he was at his welcoming party.
"There he is, Tavi! The hero of the night from Trixie! Danny!" Danny turned to see the familiar face of Vinyl Scratch pointing a forehoof at him while looking at an earth pony with a grey coat and a sensible dark grey mane, a vibrant classical note on her flanks known as Octavia Melody. Octavia looked at Danny with an astounded gaze.
"As I am not the one to tolerate such language, I am impressed with how you wrangled with Trixie and became victorious in the end." Octavia said with a rather impressed tone.
"Are you kidding?! This guy is so funny and awesome!" Rainbow Dash interjected, with Pinkie Pie rearing up on her hind legs.
"I have an idea! Let's give him a nickname! How about 'Danny the Great and Powerful Tourette's Guy!" Pinkie chimed, Rainbow Dash and Vinyl smiled at the idea while Octavia and Twilight simply shrugged.
"Long live Danny the Great and Powerful Tourette's Guy!" The Cutie Mark Crusaders cheered.
"FAGGOT!!" Danny bellowed triumphantly and everypony laughed.
