Chapters Author's Note
This is a new direction for me. I have an excess of life experience and a fair command of the language but I'm weak on canon (the intersection of too many versions and not enough memory) and tags. So abuse is invited as long as it's useful and/or entertaining.
I am considering hiring an editor/collaborator/devil's advocate. The pay would be public credit and survivor's rights.
Prologue
Waiting. Not uncomfortable, not excited, just waiting. The seating is good with water and toilet facilities nearby. Food is not much farther away. But the line is long and I’m at the wrong end of it. But I can’t complain. It’s obvious that the business of government comes first. Generals, ministers and ambassadors will always be at the head of the line. Nobles and business leaders will always precede simple farm ponies. So I wait.
It’s not as bad as it sounds. The Guard took my name and a “brief summary of the problem” when I got here. I have absolute faith in the bureaucracy to keep my place in line for me. It may take days but I will get into the throne room. But then I’ll have to actually articulate my problem and I don’t know if I can do that. If it wasn’t such a mystery to me I wouldn’t have to ask a Princess for help. Still, I wait.
There are a few advantages to being a Draft pony. We aren’t common in Canterlot so we always have the best seat in the house. We’re big enough to just look right over the top of everypony else. That's why I’m one of the first to notice a commotion at the throne room door. Guards come bursting through the door, scattering the dignitaries like leaves. Then the biggest, brightest, most beautiful pony that I’ve ever seen strides through and heads down the line. It’s Her Majesty, Princess Celestia, in the flesh! I quickly stand and bow my head in case she passes me on her way to whatever is so urgent. I wait, but she never passes me.
“John Sampson?” inquires the most wonderful voice in the world.
I. Know. That. Voice. She must be looking for the pony that was sitting next to me but how do I recognize that voice?
“Look at me John Sampson.” Again, that voice.
Then I feel a familiar (familiar! ) tingling of magic under my chin and find myself looking directly into the wisest eyes in the world.
“Your Majesty, my name is Bud, just Bud, and I don’t know who John Sampson is.”
Princess Celestia steps back and motions for two of Her Guards. “Take this pony to my private office and see to it that she is made completely comfortable.” She turns to the rest of Her Guards and says “All audiences below ambassadorial level are cancelled” as she strides briskly back to the throne room.
“This way, please ma’am.” The Guards seem unsure if they are more awed by a pony that they can walk under or confused by the fact that a Princess recognized a simple dirt farmer. (That one has me confused too ) We have walked right up to what looks like a blank wall when a quick flash of magic reveals a door. Inside is a large practical office like I would expect any business executive to own. One of the Guard points to a door at the back of the room and says “Toilet in there, ma’am.” Then they turn and leave the way we came in.
This is the first furniture I’ve seen outside of one of my herd's homes that is big enough to be comfortable for me. There’s tea and snacks on the table and the maid seemed positively astonished that I didn’t want anything else. The wall behind me is full of books but I don’t get to more than glance at them before Princess Celestia comes in through the door at the other end of the room. I turn and bow. The waiting is over.
“Bud, there is no need for formality in this office. It exists to let me cut through time wasting rituals and get done what is most important. Please tell me what has brought you here to see me.”
It’s here, the dreaded moment. No matter what I say I am going to sound crazy. But there are still questions with no possible answer and every minute here is adding to the list
“Your Majesty, it started with a simple question: How old am I? I can’t remember parents or foalhood but I always assumed that I had been injured and just lost those memories. It seems like Fred, my stallion, and I have always been together and always been right where we are today, on our farm. Fred is missing the same kind of memories but all that means is that we got caught up in the same disaster which would be normal for any couple as close as we are.“ And that would mean that he is just as old as me.
Celestia nods and says “But there’s more.”
“We have a happy band with foals of all ages running around. Some of our foals have grown up to become teachers, business leaders, and military officers with bands and foals of their own. Others have stayed to help on the farm. We are a large herd and well off enough that no pony gets less than they deserve.” Here it comes! “Then I was forced to miss the funeral of my great grandfilly because I was in labor. Yes, I mean birthing a foal. Even that didn’t seem strange until they brought me the commemorative page from the funeral. My great grandfilly had lived a long life and died of old age. And yet here we are, her great grand dam and sire, a young healthy broodmare with a young virile stallion. How is it possible? ”
Celestia mulls this over for several minutes.
Can my little mystery really be enough to confound a Princess? What. am. I ?
Reaching a conclusion Celestia says “Let me tell you a story from long ago, one that very few ponies know.”
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. “Swift Trail, I thought you said horn or wings?”
The sergeant had snapped to attention but said softly “John, this means that my report has gone all the way to the top. I never expected that. Be calm and respectful. The Princesses are nothing if they are not fair.”
John stood and bowed slowly toward the newly arrived purple pony when a ton of invisible rocks seemed to land on him. He heard hooves thundering behind him and knew trouble would be here in seconds. A half ton of pissed off horse was coming at full speed and Twilight had to do something about it fast . It took a lot of concentration to seize the horse and control his built up momentum without harming him. The distraction gave John a chance to wiggle the Beretta out of its holster and aim it at the Princess while keeping it concealed beneath his body. “Sergeant, in honor of the fact that she hasn’t hurt Fred, you have ten seconds to prove this is just a misunderstanding before ponies begin to die.”
“Princess! Ma’am!” the sergeant shouted, “Please release them NOW ! We were talking about asylum when you arrived and they have magic that I’ve never seen before. He thinks the Everfree is a pleasant place.”
The young Alicorn turned a lighter shade of lavender but the weight lifted off of them. John rolled a bit getting up so he could ease the Beretta back into its holster without being noticed. As he made it to his feet Fred came up and checked him over. “At ease Fred. Go get yourself some food and water while I straighten this out.” With a quick nuzzle to John’s cheek, Fred turned and walked back toward the river.
In her best military voice the sergeant said, “Princess Twilight Sparkle, this is John Sampson, a Man unsure of his way home. The Horse is Fred, bonded companion to John. Fred doesn’t seem to communicate with anypony but John. John, this is Princess Twilight Sparkle, one of the Alicorn rulers of Equestria.
Twilight looked up at John (my, he is big, and Fred dwarfs him! ) with a sheepish grin, “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. The last report I had was that some monster was holding my soldiers captive. I came to rescue them. Tell me truthfully, would you have killed ponies if I hadn’t released you?”
John looked back seriously and said, “Ma’am, I will not kill without a very good reason. But I consider trying to harm me or mine the best of reasons. If you had harmed Fred, you would have been the first to die. We come from a civilization that has more fast and efficient ways to kill than you can imagine so we are fairly good at restraint and expert at loyalty.”
This worried Twilight. It wasn’t just that he would kill, anybody that wouldn’t defend their family had something wrong with them, it was his complete certainty that he could kill one of the most powerful wizards in Equestria even while restrained. So there was a decision to be made. “I can’t just take you to Canterlot to meet Celestia and Luna. You’re too much of a dangerous unknown at this point. On the other hand, you have spent most of the day with the sergeant here and she seems to hold you in high regard. What would you need to be comfortable while we get to know each other?”
John thought for a moment, “Fred would need enough room to run around and exercise with free choice water and leaf vegetables. I would need much the same but with the addition of fruits, grains, and occasional meat. We would need to sleep together at least a couple of hours a day and have some protection from weather extremes. I wouldn’t expect to roam freely through a city without learning a lot more about your people but neither would we accept caged specimen status. A farm near a town would probably be ideal with guards on the perimeter to keep us in and the curious out. I would like to request Sergeant Swift Trail for our daily liaison. We have a lot to learn about each other and the sergeant seems a more than adequate teacher.”
The Princess looked at the sergeant, “Would you accept this assignment? You and your squad know more about our visitors than anypony else in Equestria at the moment so you are the obvious choice but I can’t just order you to take such a risk. There would, of course, be others coming to learn about them.”
The sergeant nodded, “Yes ma’am! As long as any of the troops can opt out later if they must.”
The alicorn smiled, “They won’t fail you sergeant. I know that just like I knew you wouldn’t fail me but of course I won’t force anypony.” Turning to the Man, “John, do you have any luggage? I think that you and the Guard should hike out toward Ponyville while I go ahead to arrange for your quarters. They can help you with anything you need carried.”
This got a big grin from John, “Princess, Fred and I are a mobile unit ourselves. We were traveling when whatever this is happened to us so we can easily load up and carry about half of the Guard too. This is your world so I’ll let the sergeant set the pace and pick the place.”
The sergeant calculated briefly then asked “John, how soon can you be ready to go? I want to be out of these woods before dark and we have just about enough time to do that right now.”
John replied, “Give me about fifteen minutes. And if you’d like to expand this new found spirit of co-operation, I know a way to get out in about half the time. The only drawback is that a small part of it is crossing water deeper than you are tall.”
Twilight marveled at the way Fred and John seemed to move as one to the shelter and dress out for the trip. She didn’t recognize half of the things John hung on Fred and himself but they were all obviously well made and well used. Anyway, there were things to arrange and people to notify so she gathered her magic and teleported back to Ponyville.
By the time Sergeant Swift Trail had her squad assembled and ready, John and Fred were walking up with their gear stowed and strapped. “Some day you are going to have to tell me what all of that gear is. Some of it looks damned useful and some of it just looks mysterious,” said the sergeant as she studied the approaching pair.
“The water is shallow and the bottom smooth on this side of the river for a several hundred yards. When we get to a road that crosses the river we will have to ford the center channel. The deepest part of the channel is belly deep on me but we can help you cross if needed. The road across the river curves out to the open plain parallel to the river. Once on it we can travel as fast as you want.” John laid out their route.
The sergeant just smiled. “We’ll cross that channel when we get to it. Lead on.” And with a quick wave the sergeant launched the squad’s Pegasi for overwatch. Following John to the river they found a ramp concealed behind a large rock and walked easily down to the water . John and Fred were used to this route and made quick time down the river. The ponies could trust the depth of the water and the firmness of the bottom following Fred so they had no problems keeping up. Then John stopped.
Pointing to a small clear area on the far bank John said, “That’s our road. Fred and I can string a rope for you or even tow you across. Will you need to lighten up?”
The sergeant’s smile just got bigger as she waved and pointed. The Pegasi dropped down in a neat line with a short rope hanging from each. An earthbound pony grabbed each rope and was immediately towed across the river like small skier. “You’d better get moving if you don’t want to be left behind,” laughed the sergeant.
It actually worked out closer to a dead heat because each Pegasi had to make more than one trip. John was laughing as he clambered up the bank. “I bet you guys have done this before. Teach me just how much I have to learn.
"Sergeant, I’d like you to lead from here and set the pace. I believe that I have enough advantage of stride to outrun the earthbound ponies but if you get ahead I’ll just get Fred’s help and I know you can’t outrun him.”
With mock seriousness the sergeant said, “Have you learned nothing?”
John replied, “One of the names my people give Fred’s kind is ‘Brother of the Wind’. Once we get settled in I will arrange a demonstration. It really looks like he is flying just above the ground when he kicks in high gear.”
They made out to the open fields without further event and as nightfall neared the sergeant called a halt. She signaled the Pegasi in and said, “Thirty minute break. Water and trail rations. Prep for night march.” Turning to John, “The Pegasi don’t like to fly at night because the shadows interfere with their depth perception so they’ll walk now. The Unicorns will cast an enhancement spell on everypony’s night vision but I don’t think we should try it on you or Fred until we know more about you. Can I assign you guides?”
“Don’t worry about us,” John assured the sergeant, “I can see just fine as long as the sky remains clear and even if it doesn’t Fred can see in near total darkness.”
After a few hours of steady march across the grassland they cut across a road. The column turned and continued down the road towards Ponyville. About twenty minutes later Fred suddenly stopped and looked up into the night sky. John rested his hand on Fred’s withers for a few seconds then faced the approaching sergeant. “Something is coming. It’s flying directly at us.”
The sergeant motioned to John, “Come on, you’re about to meet your fourth Tribe.” As they stepped out ahead of the column a Night Guard landed on the road right in front of them.
“Sergeant Swift Trail?” the courier inquired.
“Right here,” the sergeant answered.
“Your orders are to proceed to the Apple family farm circumventing Ponyville and any occupied dwellings. You will be met near the farm main gate and guided to an empty barn with attached field where you will set up temporary quarters for your ponies and guests.”
The sergeant acknowledged the new orders. Her duty discharged, the Batpony sprang into the air and disappeared back the way she had come.
Turning back to John, the sergeant said, “Before you ask, that was a Night Guard Batpony. They prefer the dark because they don’t have the plumage on their wings to protect them from direct sunlight and they have no trouble at all flying at night. They are famous for their ability pass unseen in the dark so I want to know how you could know she was coming.”
“My turn to teach you,” John said, “This is why Fred and I make such a good team. My eyesight is wide spectrum and narrowly focused. Fred’s is narrow spectrum and panoramic focused. He can spot small movements at great distances and I can evaluate and identify whatever he finds. Our link makes sharing the information quick and easy.”
“That’s good to know. We’re going to have to leave the road and skirt the woods soon. The going will be rougher and there is some risk that we might bump into something out of the woods. A little forewarning could be real nice.” The sergeant grinned at John.
Despite the sergeant’s concerns the rest of their march was uneventful and dawn found them resting just outside the gate to the Apple farm.
Celestia paused and looked intently at me, "Does any of this sound familiar to you, Bud?"
"I . . . I . . . You left part of it out. The part about the pit," Bud stammered.
"Bud, that is all of the official report I was given." Celestia said flatly, "Is there more?"
"We . . . We . . . were walking right next to the forest. Swift Trail was talking with the point pony about the best route as we went between some large rocks. As they stepped out past the rocks they just disappeared. I knew they didn't go far because I could hear Swift Trail. She sounded like an old Marine." Bud continued, "We later figured out that somepony had dug a pit trap there and in the dark they just walked right into it. The rest of the squad ran up and quickly divided into watch and rescuers. Both ponies were out of the pit in under a minute. But I couldn't stop laughing. This was the first time I had seen a pony truly pissed and Swift Trail was the very image of an angry Marine child's doll." So I grabbed the hatchet off of Fred's pack and volunteered to cut a sapling to leave in the hole as a warning to others.
A minute later I was back with the "flag". Swift Trail was cleaning up and I was down to a minor case of the giggles. I still rated a harsh glare so I apologized, "Sergeant, I'm sorry. I know this isn't a laughing matter but you just triggered a memory from my home and I had to either laugh or cry." There is no way I am going stand in front of the squad and tell a veteran NCO that she reminds me of a child's toy! So I offered, "Sergeant, as far as I am concerned this never happened. If everyone else agrees, no word of this incident will ever escape my lips." Swift Trail grinned a little and nodded.
“The rest of our little march went pretty much as you said. I realize now that I just broke my word but I also know that everypony involved is long dead and gone.” There is much confusion in my head. ‘Marine’ is a concept from before Equestria but how can anything be 'before Equestria'? “ How can I remember things that happened to this John Sampson?” Bud asked.
Celestia nodded. "We are making progress, Bud. John Sampson is still alive and it is up to us to find him and bring him home. Let’s continue our story."
Just as the sun began its climb into the heavens, Big Mac opened the front gate to the Apple family farm and ambled out to greet his guests. Twilight had told him to expect two unusual visitors with a Royal Guard escort first thing in the morning and here they were. ‘Unusual’ was an understatement. Big Mac was called ‘Big’ for a good reason but as he approached this pony he was looking up at the pony’s chest. “Howdy,” he drawled, “Jus’ follow me.” Big Mac turned and took a few steps but the big pony just stood there. Turning back to the big pony Mac said, “This way.” But the big pony didn’t move.
Then the other guest came walking up and spoke, “He doesn’t speak your language but he does appreciate your attention to him. Tell me anything that you want him to know. My name is John and his is Fred.”
Big Mac was impressed again. This (Twilight said he was a ‘Man’ ) Man was nearly as tall as Fred. “Howdy, I’m Big Mac.”
The sergeant trotted up just then with the squad in tow, “And I’m Sergeant Swift Trail.” The sergeant quickly formed a column with herself, John, and Big Mac in the lead followed by Fred and the squad. They marched by the main house and some storage barns. Over the hill and past several planted fields they came to a solitary barn.
“This barn and hayfields are yours for as long as you need them.” Big Mac turned and headed back to his chores.
“Doesn’t say much, does he?” John observed.
“That was probably his longest speech of the month,” the sergeant replied. “Let’s see what we have to work with here. The Princess can send or make anything else we need so start a list.”
“Let’s talk while we walk,” John said. “Big Mac is the first pony that I’ve got a good look at. All the Guard are in uniform and the Princess was just too distracting during the few minutes she was around. He seems to have a solid body color with a contrasting mane and tail. Do all of you follow that pattern?”
“With a few notable exceptions, like Zebras, yes,” the sergeant replied.
“Then your pattern of gray green body with red and gold striped mane and tail make absolute sense to me,” John declared. “And your name is perfectly descriptive. Are ponies generally so appropriately styled?”
“It’s part of our magic, John,” the sergeant explained. “Do you see that mark on my flank? That’s my cutie mark. Mine is a trail disappearing towards the horizon with a wind blowing down it. That’s my name and my talent which makes me perfect for Guard duty. We get them when we come of age. Can I assume that you don’t have one? And why do you stay covered up all the time?”
“No, I don’t,” John replied. “And I wear clothes because about seventy five percent of the hair on my body is what you can see on my head. Naked skin is too sensitive to both heat and cold so protection is needed. When we have a comfortable indoor place arranged I will wear a lot less.”
This got the sergeant’s attention. “I’m looking forward to that and I want a closer look at those hands some day. I wonder just what you can do with them.”
John just smiled from ear to ear, “Be very careful what you wish for sergeant.”
"How are you doing, Bud?" Celestia inquired.
"I remember Swift Trail. She was my first and best friend in Equestria. She taught me more about what it means to be a pony than all of the learned scholars put together. . . . How is she these days?"
"Welcome back, John. I'm glad to see you again," Celestia smiled. "I am afraid that Swift Trail has gone on from this world. We made our little pact a little over four hundred years ago."
Here I sit in Celestia's office, listening to Celestia and myself (MYSELF!) talking. John Sampson is in my head!
'John, did you understand what I said," Celestia asked carefully.
I feel for him but nopony is there. "Your Majesty, I don't think he's here right now," ventured Bud. "Can you tell me how he got in my head?"
"Bud, philosophers could make a life's work out of trying to determine who is in whose head. I don't think it matters because neither of you is complete without the other. As to how you both got there, that's what this story is about. I was hoping that John could help me tell it. After all, he's the one that lived these parts of it." And with that, Celestia settled back to continue the story.
Before lunch ponies began arriving from town. They brought tables, chairs, food lockers, food, kitchenware, tableware, bedding, and all the things it took to make our own little Guard base in the barn. Construction ponies put a private room for John and Fred on one end of the barn and barracks for the soldiers on the other end.
Princess Twilight showed up just after lunch with Spike and plenty of parchment. She found Fred grazing out in the pasture as John leaned against a nearby tree. The sergeant had sent them out there so the townsponies could get some work done instead of just staring at them.
Twilight hailed John, “There you are. Can we talk for a few minutes? I have so many questions and so few answers.”
“Certainly,” John replied, “though I’m not sure how many answers I’ll have.”
Twilight pulled out a list and started from the top, “Where did you come from?”
“I came from a trail through the Big Thicket in East Texas, one of the United States on the planet Terra in the Milky Way Galaxy,” John answered.
Spike carefully recorded his answer.
“Where did you find yourself in Equestria?”
“I don’t know. I came to rather hazily on bare dirt in darkness with Fred nosing me. I smelled smoke so when he wanted me to get up and move it seemed like a good idea. When the sun came up, we were in woods not far from where your soldiers found me.”
“When was that?”
“According to my phone it was June fourth two years ago. Today is July second.”
“What happened to send you here?”
“I don’t have the first clue.”
“Has this ever happened to you or anypony that you know of before?”
“No.”
“Do you know how to return to your home?”
“I suspect that this is my home now because I know absolutely nothing about how I got here much less how to get back.”
“. . . . . . Celestia?” Four hundred years!
“John! How are you?” The Princess looked hopeful.
“I’m confused. Did you say ‘four hundred years’?” Four hundred years!
“Four hundred and twenty two altogether, John. You knew that was a possibility.” Celestia watched John carefully.
But I remember the day she was describing like it was last week! “I remember that day. Twilight had so many questions. Every time I thought she had run out she would produce another page. So I decided to ask some questions of my own.”
“Princess, slow down for a minute please,” John interrupted. “Surely I get a few questions of my own.”
“Uh . . .Okay,” she answered.
“Who and what is the little scaly purple guy? He’s obviously not a pony.”
Twilight looked briefly puzzled, “That’s Spike. He’s a baby Dragon and my number one assistant.”
John smiled and turned toward Spike. “Hello, Spike. Pleased to meet you.”
Spiked grinned sheepishly, “Thank you, John. Don’t mind Twi. She gets kinda obsessive whenever she finds something new and you are the biggest ‘new thing’ she’s seen in a while. She’ll come back down to Earth once she thinks she has you properly cataloged.”
Turning back to Twilight, John said, “Princess, I need to know something about ponies so my answers can have proper context. For example, I’ve no seen sign at all of anything electrical. Do you understand and use electricity? Without that context things like the phone I mentioned earlier wouldn’t mean much to you.”
Twilight sighed, “Of course we understand electricity, John. The Pegasi have complete control of the weather including lightning.”
“What else do you do with electricity?” John asked.
“Well, lightning can make a powerful weapon. But it’s really too destructive to use it around ponies all the time.”
“O. K. Show and tell time Princess.” John reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “I was planning to take some pictures but this will be even more useful. This a Centipede Model 61 smartphone. It’s booting for the next few seconds.”
“Oh! Is that a picture of Fred?” Twilight exclaimed. “That’s a very fine picture.”
“Yes it is. But that’s just decoration. If I touch one of the little icons, it can do things for me. The calculator, for example, can perform any mathematical operation that you can imagine. It can play music or store millions of pictures. But the best part, the part that will only work when I am on Terra, is that it will connect to a global network. I can use this network to see and/or speak to anyone anywhere as long as they have a phone too. And I can search the collected knowledge of mankind for answers to any question. That’s every book, magazine, paper, show, whatever that is recorded anywhere.”
“Uh. . . Princess?” No response. “Princess Twilight? Are you okay?” John pleads with Spike, “Can you help? I think I broke her.”
The Princess is frozen with eyes wide and wings straight up staring at John’s hand. Spike waves a claw in front her eyes but she doesn’t blink. “John, maybe you should go somewhere else for a little while. I’ll take care of her.”
As John ducked behind the barn he ran into Swift Trail complete with the biggest grin he had ever seen on a pony. “Oh, John,” she giggled, “You’re in for it now!”
“Swift! Why is it funny that I’m in trouble for hurting the Princess?”
That set off a fit of full laughter from Swift Trail. “Oh My! You don’t know. John, the Princess isn’t hurt, she’s in heat.”
“What the hell are you talking about!! ”
“The wings, John, it’s the wings. When a winged pony is ready to mate their wings stick straight up to get them out of the way. It's a reflex. The Pegusi call it a ‘wing boner’. You should know about royal privilege too. She’s a Princess so she can simply command any unattached stallion to service her and he can’t refuse. No pony would refuse anyway. It’s a great privilege.”
“NO NO NO NO ! ! ! ”
“Why not, John? You check a lot of boxes. Big. Strong. Intelligent. Exotic. Once you get into pony society you are going to have more mares than you know what to do with.”
“Swift, please, there’s something you don’t know about this. It isn’t me that set her off.”
“Who else was there? It couldn’t be Spike, he’s way too young. And Fred was fifty yards away. Who’s left?”
“It was my phone!” John moaned. “I was showing her my smartphone when she locked up.”
“What in the bloody blue blazes is a ‘smartphone’ and how would it do that to her?”
“This is a smartphone,” John replied pulling it out of his pocket. “I was explaining to her how Terra was covered by a global network that let me use this phone to search every library on the planet for the answer to any question when she just froze.”
“Please, tell me you didn’t.” As Swift Trail began to giggle uncontrollably. The giggling degenerated to laughter which accelerated until Swift Trail was rolling on the ground completely out of control.
“What’s so damned funny? ”
“Oh, John. I’m sorry but it’s just too funny. Princess Twilight Sparkle has a major book fetish. She spends all of her spare time cataloging her personal library and researching arcane subjects. And you just walk up and show her the ultimate library. And she has a major wing boner for it!” Swift Trail broke down with uncontrolled laughter again.
Several minutes later: “John, it would probably be better if you didn’t tell anypony about this. Twilight Sparkle is a nice mare and doesn’t have a mean bone in her body but it still isn’t wise to offend an Alicorn.”
Celestia said through intermittent giggles, “Oh, John. You did manage to get yourself into some situations, didn’t you. Is Bud in there with you?”
Looking around. Bud? Can you hear me, Bud? “I don’t feel alone but I can’t give you anything more specific than that. She doesn’t answer when called.” Bud, if you can hear me look for a way to talk. We have a lot to say to each other.
Author's Note
This is the seed that grew into this story. I've read several stories of human tech in Equestria and have never been quite satisfied. Then the image of naive, bookish Twilight confronted with the raw power of google entered my mind and I couldn't get rid of it. It's still growing.
“John, it will help if you believe that Bud can see and hear you. A simple wanting to share goes a long way to making it happen. And it works the same from Bud’s direction,” Celestia instructed.
“You did this! Can’t you just undo it?” John pleaded.
“Of course I could. And who knows, you might even emerge from the madness at least somewhat functional. Think of yourself and Bud as two buckets half full of water. If you were to try to mix the two buckets by throwing the water from both up in the air at the same time and trying to catch it in one bucket, there would be a big mess. So we are carefully pouring the water from bucket to bucket a little at a time until it is properly mixed and we have one full, happy bucket.” Celestia explained.
Did you understand that Bud? I’m going to act like you are seeing and hearing all of this. I figure you’ll catch up soon. After all, if you’re using the same brain as me, you shouldn’t have any trouble keeping up.
“So I guess we continue with the story. Who goes next?” John wondered.
“They’re your memories so why don’t you just see how many you can find?” Celestia suggested.
Twilight Sparkle had disappeared, probably teleported out to avoid facing any embarrassing questions. I’d spent a hour out in the pasture sitting watch while Fred slept. He’s been kinda paranoid since we had arrived in Equestria and needed my physical presence to relax. I left him doing his nighttime grazing and went to the barn to get some dinner myself. It was shaping up to be a warm summer night so I changed into my cargo shorts and nothing else. After throwing a small assortment of fruits and veggies on a plate I headed for a table.
Standing across the table from Swift Trail, “Mind if I sit here sergeant?”
She looked up, blinked, and said, “Please do. Give me a few minutes to finish off this report and we can talk.
A few scribbles and a shuffle later she looked up and, “What do want to know?’
“I understand horses well and know what estrus looks like but I didn’t see any signs from Twilight. So what happened out there?”
“John, with ponies there’s estrus and there’s heat, related but not the same. In the spring every mare in Equestria that’s not too young or too old experiences estrus at roughly the same time. At that time we are fertile and it’s accompanied by an extremely powerful heat. Getting bred and pregnant is all a mare can think about. Throughout the rest of the year a mare can be brought into heat by any sufficiently exciting situation. Usually that means a sexy stallion and some foreplay but the trigger is an individual thing. A mare will not be fertile any time other than spring. Now I want to know, how does human estrus work?”
“You’re going to love this Swift. Humans are permanently in heat. Women are fertile for several days of a twenty eight day cycle that goes on year round. The timing is individual and most can’t feel it anyway so we just want sex any time we can get it.
"But I have some big questions that need answers.”
“In Equestria big questions always involve magic. I’m an Earth pony so I’m not the best one to ask about magic. You already have the ear of the best expert on magic in all of Equestria. Why don’t you just ask Princess Twilight. If you are worried about this afternoon, don’t. It’s something that happens to mares though usually not just like that.”
“Swift, tell me honestly, would it happen to you? Ignore the bookworm trigger, would you lock up like that in the presence of a stranger.?”
“Of course not, John. I’m a disciplined military mare and have my emotions under full control.”
“And that is exactly the answer that I expected and exactly why I trust you and don’t trust Twilight. Sergeant Swift Trail is mature and experienced with full comprehension of the world and how it works at the level where we all spend most of our time. Princess Twilight Sparkle is a little girl with a big weapon living a dream. I give her the best of intentions and complete sincerity, but she still has the ability to do enormous damage by mistake.”
“I’m flattered. I mean really flattered. A career NCO doesn’t expect to be preferred over a Princess. But, John, I work for Twilight Sparkle. She’s one of the ‘Royal’ that I ‘Guard’. I cannot act in any way against her interest nor can I hide anything from her.”
“Again the answer I expected and desired. If you were willing to violate your oath for someone you met a few days ago you wouldn’t be someone that I could trust.
“If humans visited Equestria, if there was a human nation anywhere around Equestria, ponies, including high government officials, wouldn’t be asking questions like I’m being asked. So It looks like I’m going to be an immigrant.”
The next morning I was rousted out at the first hint of dawn, as usual, to sit sleep watch for Fred. He was a little grumpy with a belly full of fresh green grass but I couldn’t blame him. I was having the same problem with lockers full of the finest produce staring at me whenever I was in the barn. I had brought Fred some carrots and promised him more if he would take it easy on the grass.
When I got back to the common area in the barn the day shift guards were already gone and the night shift was in the middle of their dinner. I got a plate, filled it, and sat myself in a corner a little ways from the ponies. I had some serious thinking to do.
“You look halfway home.”
“Huh?” I looked up to find Swift Trail standing on the other side of my table. “Please sit. I want to talk to you. ‘halfway home’?”
“It’s military slang. It means a soldier who is looking at where she wants to be instead of where she is, usually after a long hard campaign. And sitting at a half eaten meal not moving completes the picture.”
“Swift, I believe that you are my friend . . .”
“John I told you last . . .”
“Let me finish. I am fully aware that you are a soldier with a duty and an oath to uphold. I accept that. I believe that if your duty required you to harm me that you would do it and cry later. I accept that. And I believe that until that duty comes up you will do your honest best to help me.”
“John, ‘friend’ has a special meaning among ponies. It’s not a commitment that a soldier can make. You seem to understand that so I will accept your friendship in a conditional sense. Does that help?”
“It does. I want you to know that I will be eternally in your debt for what I am going to do to you but I don’t see any other way. I want what is right for Equestria too so there is a decision to be made. It should be a soldier’s decision, not a politician’s.”
“John, you’re scaring me.”
“Good. If I don’t terrify you before this is over you’re not the soldier I think you are.”
We never got to see just how far that line of thought would go because Twilight Sparkle came walking in with a mare that I’d never seen before but I’d bet I knew who she was related to. Swift Trail rose and offered to take my plate as Twilight approached.
“John Sampson, this is Applejack. She is one of the owners of this farm and a good friend of mine. She has agreed to sit in with us today.”
“I’m pleased to meet you Applejack. And I’ll bet it was your brother that I met (briefly) yesterday.”
“Ah believe so. ‘specially because ‘briefly’ jus’ sounds like Big Mac. Twi tells me you came from a very fah away place.”
“I honestly don’t know. I’d have to figure out a direction to look in before I could measure a distance. Let’s just call it ‘a very different place’. By the way, I like that hat. I lost one a lot like it on the way here.”
“Twi, Ah think Ah’m gonna like the big stud. John Sampson, we’ll find you a hat.”
The Princess immediately settled in across the table from me. Applejack sat next to her and Spike sat next to me. Then the questions began.
“Where did you get that ‘smartphone’?”
“I bought it from Oldegg. They put it on OOPS and the driver handed it to me.”
“How do you put lightning in it?”
“I don’t. I use a solar charger to generate a more controllable form of electricity and store it in a battery until I need to recharge the phone.”
“What else can the smartphone do?”
“Princess, remember that ‘context’ thing I mentioned yesterday? Well you just slammed headfirst into it. Associated with that phone is something called ‘the Store’. When I visit the Store with my phone I can purchase ‘Apps’. ‘Apps’ enable the phone to do a particular thing or kind of things. Even if I could remember them all, there’s many thousands. It would take days to list them.”
“Name a few.”
“Okay. I’ve already mentioned voice, text, net access, recorded music, pictures, and video. There’s also Wastebook, Fapchat, and millions of games. And if you’re feeling frisky, about a dozen search engines.”
I didn’t know it was possible to turn that color. I guess when you start with lavender it is. And I immediately felt like a fool. “Dammit, Princess. I’m sorry. I just wish you would listen to me. I know equines well. I have some basis towards understanding Equestrians. You don’t have the first clue about humans. You can’t possibly know what to ask and fumbling around trying to get lucky is going to take years .”
Applejack had sat silently just looking directly at me through this whole thing. Now she turned to Twilight. “Tell him.”
Twilight looked troubled. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, AJ.”
“Tell him or Ah will. He ain’t spoken a single false word to you including his apology and here you are trying to deceive him. Ah can’t abide it”
“AJ, I don’t think . . .”
But AJ cut her off. Looking directly at me, “John Sampson, I ah’m the Bearer o’ the Element o’ Honesty. It ain’t possible to lie to me. Now tell Twi what you want her to know.”
“I’m planning to stay in Equestria even if I find a way ‘home’. I like it better here because humans are overrunning Terra. It’s becoming hard to find open land or even room for horses. And I want to become a good citizen and find ways to help ponies.”
Celestia feigned indignity, “John! You didn’t tell me that you fell in love with Equestria on the bounce.”
“Lady, if you want to check on me you can do it without being silly. I only had one choice before I landed here,” John matched the Princess’s tone.
“How’s Bud doing?”
Hey Bud! We’re talking about you. Bud! You made it. Don’t worry. You’re in the company of two of the most capable individuals in this world and both of them want to take care of you.
“Celestia! She’s here! I think we’ve scared the crap out of her but she’s got enough spunk to at least communicate.”
Good girl. I’m going to go on with my part of the story. You just lay back and take in the show.
Spike is grinning as only a dragon can grin. Twilight looks like someone parted her mane with a baseball bat. And Applejack is just looking straight at me with no waver at all.
“John, there’s mo’ to it.” It’s a flat statement.
This woke Twilight up, “See, I told you so!”
“Ya asked me here ‘cause ya couldn’t handle ‘im. Let me do it.” And those eyes haven’t twitched yet.
“Applejack, I’m sorry for the trouble I’m causing but you have to trust me for at least some of this. Humans on Terra have taken a different, uglier path than equines here or there. I don’t want ponies to make any of those mistakes. So please let me choose which questions I answer and which I ignore. After I understand ponies properly we might have this conversation again.”
“Ah trust ya John Sampson. Ah don’ know if ya are makin’ tha right choice but Ah can see how hard you’re workin’ to make it.”
And now the tough one. I’m not sure I want to but I may never get another chance this good. “Twilight, I have no idea how long ponies live or what their life cycle is like, BUT, to my eyes you look to be just barely not a child. Your recent emotional overreactions confirm that. Are you ready to spend days and weeks in close quarters with a stallion that I have been told ‘checks a lot of boxes’ for Equestrian mares?”
Damned, there’s that color again. No mercy. Well, maybe a little.
“Twilight, one of the reasons I feel this way is how much you remind me of me . . . a long time ago. Sergeant Swift Trail is very much a contemporary to the current me. You just interrupted a more fruitful conversation between us than you and I have ever had. Get reports from her or assign someone to follow us around and take notes. Then you can read the notes and learn about humans in a way that lets you cross reference and codify and I can learn about ponies in a way efficient for me. Soon enough we’ll be ready for the serious questions.”
Applejack had a big smile, “Twi, he’s not only honest, he’s smart.”
Twilight did not look happy but there was too much logic and good sense on the table to argue. “I’m going to have to research and think on this. Until I say different, keep on with what you’ve been doing.” And out the door she went with Spike running to keep up.
Applejack just smiled and beamed, “Twi means well but we’re all still waitin’ for her to figure out stallions. On tha other hand, if you ever get tired of tha military life and decide ta settle down, I’d appreciate ya first date. She went out the same door as Twilight but in a whole different way.
“That was quite a show.” Swift Trail had eased up behind me. “I’ll bet you anything that ‘research’ means she’s going to go ask Princess Celestia. Celestia is the senior alicorn, Twilight is the youngest. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a royal summons shortly.”
“Well shit. I guess you’d better line me up on royal protocol.”
“It’s easy, John. She wants polite and She wants honest. And She hates wasting time. She’s already had more than a thousand years of pompous fools so the less like them you are, the better.”
“Dammit! The more I learn about Equestria, the more I like it.
“Hey! I promised you a demonstration. And I want to learn some things for myself. I’ve got the time now, how about you?”
“You mean with Fred?”
“Yep. And bring a Pegasus that feels like racing.”
Swift Trail looked around, “Windy. You up for a race?”
A very blue pony with frost white mane and tail walked over, “Who do I have to beat?”
“John, this is North Wind. She’s a courier specialist. Windy, you’re going to race Fred.”
“Fred? The big horse guy? How can that be a race?”
“John, it’s your idea.”
“I don’t have any idea how fast a normal Pegasus can fly, but I know that Fred is far faster than any ground pony. So I want a chance to clock him against something normal to Equestria. And it will give us something to talk about later.”
By the time we made it out to the pasture most of the off duty ponies were following us. Fred was grazing nearby so I called him.
Fred!
<!>
“Fred, ready for that race we discussed?”
“Okay. This is North Wind. He’s going to try to keep up with you. When I call ‘go’ both of you make three rounds around the pasture staying clear of trees and fences. Line up right here. Understand?”
North Wind nodded.
So they lined up side by side pointed at the far corner of the field.
“Ready. . . Go!”
Fred launched into a medium gallop with a five yard jump. Windy snapped wings and took off after Fred but was forty yards behind by the time she got up to speed. The Pegasus was gaining but not by a lot. Windy had closed half of the distance by the time they got to first turn at the back of the pasture but the turn gave Fred a chance to see her. So Fred stretched out a little more and started gaining the ground back.
By the time they made it back to the starting line both contestants had upped the pace a couple of times. Fred was digging in hard to make his corners nearly square and Windy was losing ground trying to match him but Windy would gain it back on the straightaways. The second lap went much like the first. Both of them were sweating and obviously putting a lot of effort into the race.
“Fred is enjoying himself immensely.”
As they started on the straightaway from the back of the pasture Windy pulled out her reserves. When they made the final turn she was passing Fred. Fred looked up at Windy and kicked in his own reserve. They crossed the finish line in a dead heat moving so fast that no one got a clear enough look to call it.
“Come here Fred. Let’s walk around for a minute and cool down.”
We walked back and forth by Windy a few times and Fred shook himself. Then curiosity get the better of me. “Windy, how fast do you think the two of you were going?”
Windy replied, “It’s hard to put a good number to it in a confined area like this but flying this hard in a straight line at altitude I could beat the train or anypony but a Wonderbolt to Canterlot. I would never have believed that anypony could travel that fast on the ground.”
“Swift, that’s one of those things that I want to talk about. Fred wasn’t half that fast before we got to Equestria. We didn’t have the direct link either. We seem to be gaining magic.”
“Celestia, how long have we been at this?”
“It doesn’t matter, John. We’ll take however long it takes.”
“That’s not completely true. You have other obligations. But what really concerns me is that I seem to have a full bladder and an empty stomach.”
“Oh. We can take as much break as you want.”
“Let me check with my copilot.”
Bud? How you doing? Bud, I’m going to try to take a nap so you can have some body time. Calm down, Bud. I can’t leave you. It isn’t possible. Just call me if you need me. I want you to take of things like dinner and toilet. I’ve never walked on four legs or been a mare. You need to help us with those things.
“Celestia, I’m getting tired and we need to take care of our body in ways I don’t know. So can you please put us up somewhere? I’m going to try to turn it over to Bud.”
Bud, Celestia will find us a room and dinner for tonight. Just do what she says and don’t worry.
“Bud? Are you awake, Bud?” Celestia looked concerned.
“I’m here, Your Majesty.”
“How are you feeling, Bud?”
“I’m very confused, Your Majesty.”
“You don’t have to be formal with me, Bud. We are old friends. I’m going to put you up in the palace tonight. There will be somepony to get you anything you need or take you any place you want to go. We will resume the story whenever you are ready.”
Wow. The Goddess is treating me like an honored guest! There must be some pretty big things in those missing memories.
I never saw how she summoned them but suddenly there were two guards by the door where I came in.
“Please take this lady to one of the ambassadorial suites and see to it that she has everything she needs for tonight,” Celestia instructed.
Lady? “
“Ma’am . . .” And down two halls, up the stairs, and down another hall we went until they stopped on either side of a large door, opening it in front of me. There were two fillies and a mare waiting inside.
“Welcome Ma’am. We will be your servants for tonight,” the mare said. “I’m Haute Cuisine, your chef. This is Seafoam (seafoam colored, of course), your bath maid. And Tender Breezes, your chambermaid.”
Holy . . . What do I do with this?!
“Please draw a warm bath for me,” nodding at Seafoam. “And have dinner ready when I finish my bath,” nodding at Haute Cuisine. “Afterwards I will want privacy.”
“Yes Ma’am!”
Oh my. Is this what it feels like to be rich and powerful?
The only thing better than a deep soak in a warm bath is a deep soak in a warm bath with someone scrubbing your back and all the other hard to reach places. Dinner was magnificent but rather small by farm standards. But that wasn’t really a problem because the lockers contained every kind of fruit and veggie that I could imagine. I think Tender was disappointed that I didn’t want to cuddle.
It was early but the day had started early so I went straight to bed. Early was farm normal anyway. When I woke it was still full dark outside. I grabbed a snack from the kitchen and went to the window. The courtyard below was as busy as though it were midday. That gave me an idea. I had never made it into the throne room so I have never seen what a Royal Court looked like.
When I opened the door to the hall, the two guards were still there. The same two? They all look so alike in uniform. Both snapped to attention.
“Milady! How may we help you?”
“I have heard that Princess Luna holds court at night much as Princess Celestia does during the day. Is this so?”
“Yes it is Milady”
“And might this court be in session right now?”
“It is Milady.”
“Could I watch it as a spectator?”
“Certainly, Milady.”
“Take me there.”
We retraced most of yesterday’s journey but stopped short of the big doors choosing instead a small plain door on a short side hall. We were in an alcove behind a tapestry with a scattering of comfortable looking seats along the wall past the end of the tapestry. I could hear some kind of debate going on out in the room.
“Just take any seat, Milady. We’ll be right here when you’re ready to leave.”
“Thank you.”
It wasn’t until I was settled into my seat that realized just how big this room was. My big barn would fit in here with room to spare all around. About halfway down the wall to my left was a large throne on a raised dais. On the throne was dark blue Alicorn obviously related to Princess Celestia. There were two ponies, Earth ponies by the look of them, standing in front of her both gesturing wildly and trying to shout over the other.
Princess Luna glanced at me and smiled a little. “Quiet! Thou were’t told ‘afore thou walked in that door that thou must maintain order and decorum. Thou hast failed. Leave Me! ”
As the two Earth ponies sprinted for the door Princess Luna turned to the guard beside her throne, “Be there any more petitioners?”
“No, Your Highness. We saved those two for last.”
“Good. We have better things to do.”
Princess Luna stepped down off the dais and started toward me, “Bud, come walk with me.”
We met at a door in the back wall. Through it was garden with benches and stone statues.
“It’s a beautiful night, is it not, young lady?”
I think I’m impossibly old. She thinks I’m young. Something is going on here?
“Yes, it is. And it’s part of a day filled with many wonders.”
“Thou hast a fine outlook, Bud. If thou could’st, would’st thou speak with John Sampson?”
“Yes! I have many questions for him.”
“Seat thyself in a comfortable way and close thine eyes.”
It seemed like seconds after I had closed my eyes when I found myself on a flat gray plain. The tall, dark blue Alicorn stood beside me.
“Hello, Bud”
“Hello, Princess Luna.”
A very tall (Taller than Princess Luna!) creature stepped out from beside Princess Luna. It walked on two legs like a Minotaur but the legs were long and slender.
“Thank you Princess. Hello Bud.”
I recognized that voice. It is John.
“Thou are most welcome John Sampson. We art eternally in thy debt.
“I will take mine leave now. Thou will awaken normally in the fullness of time. Enjoy each others’ company ‘til then. My Guards wilt watch over thou and keep thou safe.”
“Yes, Bud, this is what we looked like when we first arrived in Equestria.”
“WA! I was in that body?”
“Bud, we’re still in that body. It’s just changed a little.”
“So why don’t I remember it?.”
“We were one then. After we had been in Equestria for a while Celestia split us into a human mind and an Equestrian mind to go with our newly changed Equestrian body. I hid for a time after that.”
“Why on Equestria would She do anything like that? And why would you want to?”
“Bud, we did it because the alternatives were so incredibly terrible. Second best was a quick death for us and Fred.”
I’m going to have to think about this for a while. Just a few days ago I was a happy herdmare with a prosperous farm and healthy foals scattered about. Now I’ve had a personal audience with two ( TWO!) Princesses and discovered that I’m some sort of alien involved in high level intrigue with them. I’m a personal friend of the Goddess Herself! What is this going to do to my family!!!
“Ma’am. . . . Ma’am . . . Please wake up Ma’am.”
“Huh? . . Okay, I’m awake.”
“Her Majesty Princess Celestia is waiting for you, Ma’am.”
“Oh shit!” I jump up and land squarely on my nose.
Then I realize, I’m John in Bud’s body. I get carefully to my feet and take a step. Crash!
BUD! I need help, Bud.
Celestia is waiting for us and every time I try to take a step on four legs I face plant.
Let me see if I can back off.
“Ma’am? Are you alright Ma’am?”
I get to my feet and look around. We’re still in the garden behind the throne room. Turning to the guard, “Lead on.”
Back into the throne room and across the floor to the far wall from the spectator seats where we open a small door. A short hall to the right and another small door finds us in the same private office where the most exciting day of my life began.
“Hello Bud. Make yourself comfortable. How are you and John getting along this morning?” Princess Celestia was behind the same desk looking just as regal as yesterday.
“Princess Luna helped us last night. We can talk and swap control at will now.”
“You sound better, Bud. And you trust John. That’s very good. May I talk to John now?”
John, Princess Celestia wants to talk to you.
How do I ‘back off’?
“Celestia, John here.”
“How are we feeling, John?”
“I’m wondering how many friends I have left. Bud is still getting over the shock of discovering that her goddess is a pony.”
“You have a lot of friends left, John. Did you notice the throne on your way in?”
“Yes I did. Purple? Does that mean what I think it means?”
“If you think it means that Twilight is holding Court today while I coddle you, you are correct. She has grown a lot since the last time you spoke to her.”
“Has she figured out stallions yet?”
“Not as well as We would like but she is learning. Why would it matter to you anyway? Afraid of the competition?” That came with a patented Celestia ‘Gotcha Grin’.
“Nah. You mares are just jealous. After forty years as a stallion I know far more about how to make one happy than you ever will.
“Oh! Celestia, could you do us a big favor, please? Send somepony to the farm and let everypony know that Bud is on a special assignment for you and check on Fred while they are there.”
“I will do that but you can put your mind at ease about Fred right now. He hasn’t needed your help for a lot of years now. Luna has been monitoring him regularly.”
“Really? Luna is taking an interest in Fred?”
“Yes, In fact, Fred is the only stallion that she’s had any interest in for a long time now.”
“Oh my. Does Luna like her stallions big?”
“We all do, John. Alicorns are bigger and stronger than other ponies. We need somepony that won’t break.”
“Oh Celestia. I can smell the smoke from Bud’s side of our brain. She’s had almost a day to adjust to having a Goddess as a personal friend and here we are adding one to the band!”
“Let’s get to work, John. Give me a strong memory.”
“I know just the one. We’ll call this ‘the shower scene’.”
There was exactly one community shower in the barracks because that is just how the military does it throughout the universes. I used it just like everyone else but I tried to pick times when no pony wanted to use it because I had to modify things a little to accommodate my vertical orientation.
There was no door on it so there wasn’t much about me that was a mystery to any of the ponies but they seemed to prefer a little distance. I had heard a few mutterings about humans being in a permanent state of heat and ‘don’t turn your back on him’. The target of most of those was the youngest of the ponies. I never found out what his name was because everypony just called him ‘Colt’. He had a light charcoal colored coat with a blond and red striped mane and tail. His talent was getting into places without magic or wings. He could climb and jump in ways amazing for an Earth pony.
I sitting in the common area one afternoon having just sent off a learned professor of herd psychology. I had given him an earful of Terran equine herd dynamics so he could write the definitive paper on the influence of magic on Equestrian herd psychology. There was a commotion outside and Colt came running through the door in a serious state of panic. “Where are the Unicorns? I need a Unicorn!”
I explained to him that all of the Unicorns had gone to town for some Unicorn community thing and wouldn’t be back until dark. That made things worse. Then the smell hit me. I knew that smell.
I whipped out the command voice “STOP! ” It worked. “Where did you get that smell?”
Colt moaned, “It was horrible. The monster laid a spell on me!”
Trying not to giggle I asked, “Was this monster short, kinda round, and black with white stripe running down its back and long bushy tail?” We were beginning to draw a crowd.
Colt looking at like I’d just grown a horn, “You know this monster?”
The other soldiers were beginning to gently drift out the door so I fired up the command voice again. “NO PONY LEAVES. I need a small bucket of baking soda right now. ”
Military reflex is fun to watch. “We don’t have any here, sir”
“You have wings don’t you? Who do you know that does tons of baking right up the road? Now Go Get It! .”
Swift has this squad well trained. The two Pegusi went out the door high and low in full flight.
“Colt! Bring your butt in the shower and try not to touch anything.”
I pulled my shorts and t-shirt off and dropped them at the door. Turning on the cold water I began to lather poor Colt up. “The name of that monster is ‘Skunk’. Whatever you do, never, ever look under his tail. That’s where the evil smell originates. Now where did he get you?”
He got me square on my right side, sir. But I tried to roll and rub it off.”
“And that just spread it.”
“Yes, sir.”
By then a couple of his buddies had braved the smell and entered the shower. I told them, “Stay back out of splash range. This stuff comes off of skin a lot easier than it comes out of fur. I’ll scrub him down.” That generated two world class looks of relief.
I’d just got him soaped up good for the second time when a Pegasus came flying in (literally) with a small pail. The baking soda! As I took it he said, “Fly Boy is coming with a much bigger bucket. I came ahead with a small one to get back ASAP.”
The big bucket got there before the little bucket ran out and I settled into a lather, soda, rinse and repeat cycle. Everypony else got comfortable in the common room and waited for the results.
I noticed that Colt was shaking. “I guess we have most of it off by now. I can warm the water up a little if you are cold.”
“I’m not cold, sir.”
“Then why are you shaking, Colt?”
“I’m frightened, sir.”
“Of the smell? It’s not permanent. Of discipline? Learning about woods critters the hard way is part of being a city boy in the country. There’s no chance you’ll ever make this mistake again.”
“No, sir. I’m afraid of you.”
“Why on Equestria would you have any reason to fear me?” I’m really puzzled now.
“Are you going to mount me, sir?”
“What blazing pit of hell did you drag that idea out of?”
“They said that humans are always in heat and will screw anything they can catch and you have me pretty much caught right now, sir.”
“Let me guess. ‘They’ are all mares.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Child, the stallion portion of your education is seriously lacking. I’m going to let you in on some small secrets. First, mares will always try to play with your mind. You have something they want, something they can’t live without. So they want to keep you bluffed and under control. Don’t fall for it. Play with the fun ones, love the good ones, and ignore the rest.”
“But sir, you walk around half erect all the time so you can be ready to go instantly.”
“That’s what these mares believe?”
“That’s what everypony believes, sir. You did say yourself that humans are always in heat.”
“Colt, how many times have you come in heat?”
“Stallions don’t have heats, sir.”
“Neither do men.”
“Oh . . . . sir.”
“And now I’m going to let you in on a human secret. Humans don’t have retractor muscles. At all. That means humans don’t have a sheath either. This is my normal not erect state. It’s another side effect of the vertical lifestyle like nipples on the chest.”
“You mean that humans don’t rape their mares?”
“A few do. There are bad humans just like there are bad ponies. The important part is they are few and far between. Most humans fall in love, get married, and raise families just like most ponies.”
“I’m sorry, sir”
“For what? Letting some old biddy mares fool you? Don’t worry about that. Let’s get dried off and see if we can live with ourselves.”
It has always fascinated me how Earth ponies can do ordinary things so well without hands or magic of any kind (maybe it’s a hidden kind of magic). Colt just grabbed a towel off the shelf with his mouth and tossed it to me then grabbed another one and threw it over his back. A quick roll and rub later he’s dry and I’m still working on the awkward spots.
“Hey, Colt. I’ve got a plan. You wanna ‘educate’ some mares?”
“Whatever you say, sir.”
“Are they in the common room right now?”
“Some of them, sir.”
“Okay. Let’s go get something to eat and you sit down as close as you can to them while leaving a place across the table for me. I’ll do the work, you just nod your head and have normal conversation with me.”
I grabbed my shorts and shirt as we went out the door and crossed to my room to throw them in. Then I lined up behind Colt at the food lockers. Putting fruit, bread, and some cheese on a plate I watched him settle at a table right in the middle of a gang of mares. I walked up to the chair opposite him and asked, “Mind if I sit here?”
“Not at all, sir.”
“You know that you don’t have to ‘sir’ me? I suspect that after a two and half year absence, I can be considered at least retired.”
“Sir, some officers demand it. You deserve it. So I’m going to continue to use it unless you order me otherwise.”
Smart boy. “Thank you, Colt. I’ll try to earn that respect. I do kinda wish you hadn’t figured it out though. Now I have a problem.”
About then Swift Trail landed in the seat next to mine, “John, what have you done to my squad?”
“We had a small crisis. Colt here found out why you never look under the skunk’s tail and the Unicorns haven’t got back from town yet.”
“I believe that much because I can still smell it.”
“Well I couldn’t just sit around and watch Earth ponies try deal with it when I had two perfectly functional hands so I organized a cleanup. You understand that Terra has skunks and no magic too.”
“And I guess that’s why I just thanked Granny Smith for the emergency loan of a bucket of baking soda?”
“What can I say? Everypony was running around looking for help so the old training just kicked in and I handled it.”
“You still haven’t explained why you never told me that you were an officer.”
“That’s a different service and different universe away. The habits don’t make a chain of command. But it’s probably better that way. I just found out that some unknown soldier or soldiers has been using me for a boogie man. If I were in the chain of command and found out that a service member was disrespecting a superior officer like that I might have to take action for the good of the service.”
“Only if I didn’t beat you to it.” Swift Trail slowly surveyed the room. Several mares suddenly found absolutely anything else interesting.
“I also discovered that a lesson in comparative anatomy is needed. It’s a little bit vulgar so I’m not going rub anypony’s nose in it, I’m just going to lay it on the table for anypony that might benefit from it.”
I stood up and stretched as big and wide as I could while turning slowly around. “Everybody take a good hard look. This is me, a normal male human. You know what you don’t see? A sheath. A sheath isn’t compatible with a vertical spine. So just hanging is my normal state. That’s why I wear pants any time I go outside. I can’t retract my penis.”
I walked calmly over to my room past some thoughtful looks and grins. The same three mares were positively radiating ‘NOT ME’. After putting on my shorts and shirt I went out the main door and headed towards the pasture for Fred and some serious introspection on how a small misunderstanding can have big consequences.
“John, John, John. Of course I got an official report on that incident but all that drama gets filtered out before it gets to me.”
“’That drama’ turned out to be one of the best things I ever did. Ponies opened up to me after that.
“But there’s more to the story. Let’s continue.”
Fred was slowly grazing his way to his sleeping spot but he looked to have some time to go before he got there so I settled in to wait. In just a few minutes Swift Trail came striding up.
“John, I want to thank you for taking care of Colt like that. He’s had a hard time being both the newbie and a colt in a mare’s world. His life just got a whole bunch easier with a stallion officer to look up to.
“And speaking of that, just what is your rank?”
“I was a Chief Officer in the Fire Service. That complicates things for the military mind. When you reach that level we are interchangeable parts. I might be a clerk at one incident and commander at the next.”
“Should I salute you?”
“Fire Services don’t salute or make big deal of rank except for public ceremonies. We’re more about certifications and qualifications.”
I was saved from further confusing Swift by the arrival of Fred. He walked to his sleeping spot and settled in for his nap.
“That’s interesting. He’s gone sound asleep right in front of us. He trusts you. That means you can stand watch for him. Let me know if you start hearing him.”
“I can hear him right now. He’s snoring lightly.”
“No, I mean directly. He doesn’t have a verbal center to his brain so he doesn’t think in words and logic like we do. But he does surprisingly well with images and concepts. For example, his true name is a concept of his identity, a picture of Fred and his personality. I have it in my mind but I can’t transfer an image of his personality to you with words. So we agreed to label it ‘Fred’ for convenience. He doesn’t understand letters and words but he can recognize them and remember that this particular combination is his.
“Just now he was quite amused to find you here with a strong subtext of approval. I don’t have the first clue why but the feeling is unmistakable. Even more confusing, his feelings affect mine directly and vice versa. Sometimes the divide between his mind and mine isn’t clear, especially when strong emotion is involved.”
“But, John, surely humans and horses have had many years to work these things out. You said your two kinds had been partnered for millennia.”
“We have. There are whole breeds of horses and schools of humans that exist specifically to bond the horse and human as thoroughly as possible. But those all involve physical means. Information is transferred by touch, sound, or sight. This is different. I will be sound asleep in the morning and he will call me to come out and watch while he sleeps. I will awaken and rush out.
“Do you remember when we first met and Twilight nearly ruined it all? Even though I was pinned down facing away I knew that Fred was being carefully handled. I could feel what was happening to him as though it was my own body. That has only happened since we got to Equestria.
“Which is one of those ‘Great Questions’ that I have been wanting to ask; do Equestrians of any species or relationship have this kind of connection?”
“When strong magic is involved, anything is possible, John. You’ve already seen the Elements in action. Princess Luna can enter and control any dream. And a few Unicorns can enter your thoughts to heal or verify things for you. But these are all specific situations, not a continuing relationship. This is a question that you are going to have to ask a magic expert some day. If you can’t trust Twilight, when you have been accepted into Equestria you can petition the Princesses directly yourself.
“Now I have a question for you. You said that you should terrify me. What do you mean by that.?”
“Humans have a kind of strength that Equestrians have never needed. What you saw in the common room just now is an example. Suppose that Twilight had been sitting there instead of me when Colt came running in the door. She would have just wiggled her horn and the problem would have been solved. That was exactly what Colt was looking for. When there was no Unicorn, everything broke down. The pony response was ‘FIND A UNICORN!’. The human response was ‘Skunk smell is sulfur based. What is available that neutralizes sulfur? Make a plan to acquire and apply it.’
“In the Fire Service I am a wildland specialist. Without magic, wings, weather control, or anything but my wits and knowledge I regularly face and defeat a foe measured in square miles. Think of what I could do as a two eyed man in the land of the blind ponies if I chose to do ill.”
“I think you are underestimating ponies, John. We have lived for thousands of years our way and overcome many obstacles. I think we will survive one human.”
Swift, my friend, I pray that I am underestimating ponies. And that one human doesn’t get lost in the solution best for ponies.”
“Now, John, I want to hear about ‘a foe measured in square miles’.”
We swapped war stories for the next hour and change. I found out that Swift Trail and her squad were what I would consider Special Forces and had seen some action against Changelings and Diamond Dogs besides the occasional monster patrol. I couldn’t put a finger on it but I got a strong feeling that there was something that she wanted to say but couldn’t.
<! Happy. Approval.> And Fred stood up, stretched, and drifted out towards the pasture for his night graze.
“Well, Fred is happy and approves of something but didn’t offer a clue what.” So I stood and we started back to the barn and dinner.
“John, I would like to ask a very personal favor of you. You don’t have do it and I don’t want you to if it steps on any human taboos.”
“Swift, even if I didn’t consider you a friend, I owe you for some of the things you have done for me. Don’t worry about my comfort or convenience.”
“Do you remember, John, when I told you that ‘friend’ had a special meaning for ponies? Well I want to be friends in the pony sense. For all of your strange ways you are closer to me now anypony has been in a long time. I like you.”
“Tell me very carefully what is expected of me. The last thing I want to do is hurt you by not understanding something peculiar to ponies.”
“The only thing that would change is the favor that I want of you. I want to sleep with you in your room.”
“We need to make one thing crystal clear first. ‘Sleep with you’ is a euphemism for sex among humans. I would be thrilled and honored if that is what you mean but it isn’t required. We just sleep on beds most of the time.”
“All I want right now is a good nights sleep. I admire the way you watch over Fred and protect him. You have surely noticed by now that I am the only pony here that sleeps alone? Sleeping alone is not natural for us but I’ve had my reasons. If this works out and we are happy with each other, I will teach you the ways of pony courtship and who knows where it will end. But for tonight I just want to be in the same room with you.”
“Consider it done. Now what’s for dinner?”
Dinner was a treat, veggie stew and bread. Afterwards was something else. Suddenly everypony had questions. The amazing part is that they seemed more fascinated with my service and rank than my species. I think I scared Colt. I told him how many school and training hours it took to qualify for Chief. Swift had retreated to her office to write up the day’s report so I stuck my head in and said, “I’m turning in. Come when you are ready.”
“I won’t be long.”
So I went to my (our?) room, got undressed, and stretched out on the big pad. I had dozed lightly for some unknown time when Swift entered with a small pad and laid it against the back wall. She settled down and I went back to sleep.
Something woke me. It was the dead of night and just a little light was shining in from the common room. Then I heard a thump. It was coming from the back wall. I heard rustling and grunting. It was Swift Trail. I eased to my hands and knees and crawled to her. She was having a doosie of a nightmare. Suddenly I had understanding.
So I leaned against the wall next to her head and gently stroked her cheek. After a few minutes her breathing changed and she said, “John?”
“Yes. I’m here. You were having quite a dream.”
“Oh. I’m sorry I woke you. I guess this isn’t going to work.”
“Wrong! I know what’s going on now. I’ve fought this battle myself, still fight it every now and then. And I know beyond knowing that you can’t win it by yourself. Come with me.”
I carefully picked her up and took her to the center of the big pad then I laid down behind her.
“John, what are you doing?’
“Listen to me carefully Swift Trail. Here and now and for however long you may need or want me I will stand between you and all who may seek to harm you. Be they of this world or any other I will keep them from reaching you.”
“John, I . . . .”
I reached out and pulled her back against my chest and her head under my chin wrapping her up completely. Then the tension slowly drained out of her and she fell into a calm sleep. I followed her in a few seconds.
I was in the common area but the light looked strange. There was a large dark blue Unicorn sitting across from me. “Hello?”
“Hello, John Sampson.”
Then I noticed the wings. “You must be Luna and this must be a dream.”
“Thou art correct John Sampson.”
“What can I do for you?”
“I have wanted to meet thee for some time now but thy dreams were too alien for me. We have some common ground now. I wish to thank thee for healing Swift Trail. She has been a trial for me these few years now. She is a very good mare and will make thee happy for years to come.”
“Now you are confusing me. Do you have foresight?”
“No, but I have knowledge. Thou have just passed thy test for citizenship in Equestria. Thou hast declared unconditional love for a pony.”
Author's Note
I'm pushing a little to get these chapters out. There's some bloody chunks of me in them.
When I woke in the morning the sun was already up. Swift Trail was gently rubbing her cheek against mine still wrapped up in my arms.
“Oh my. I think we overslept. But damned it feels good. I wonder why Fred didn’t wake me?”
“John, do you think that we might have some breakfast before it is all gone?”
“Certainly. I fact I think that’s an excellent idea.”
“The why don’t you release me so we can get up and walk to the common room?”
“Oh! I’m sorry. You just fit so well right there.”
And I unwrapped myself from Swift and rose to my feet. As I drew on my shorts and shirt Swift went to small bag near the pad she started the night on and donned her chevrons.
“You might as well move in here and leave the small room to be nothing but an office.”
“You are probably right, John, but let’s see what the day brings first.”
It looked like every single guardpony from both shifts was sitting in the common room watching the door to my (our) room. As we stepped out they all rose and began to stomp. I started looking around for place to run.
“Calm down, John. That’s applause. They know what you have done for me and they are grateful.”
“There’s really no way to hide anything from a pony, is there?”
“Why would you want to hide anything so wonderful?”
“I don’t but I do want the pleasure of telling somepony and bragging about it.”
And she laughed. It was a small thing but oh so wonderful to behold.
Then the classic pony sense of timing kicked in as a strange Pegasus walked in the main door.
“Who are Sergeant Swift Trail and Chief John Sampson?”
We stepped forward and the courier handed us each an ornate scroll sealed with wax and bearing the emblem of a sun. “You are hereby summoned to appear before the Royal Court at your earliest convenience.” And she turned and walked back out the door.
Swift opened her scroll and read. “We need to catch the next train for Canterlot. Aren’t you going to read yours?”
“I haven’t learned to read Equestrian yet. But I know what it says. My application for citizenship has been accepted.”
“That’s wonderful, John. But let’s be sure there’s nothing else.”
She unrolled my scroll and read for a few seconds. “You are right, John. The Royal Court is going to accept your Oath of Citizenship. But there is more. We are going to be offered some sort of special appointment to the Royal Guard.”
“Wow. Just. Wow.” How the hell did She know my rank?
“Hello. John? Grab whatever you need for a couple of days and a Royal Audience. We’ll eat on the way.”
“I’ll just grab my ‘go bag’. I doubt it’s all I need but it is all I have. Why don’t you put together a food basket while I go tell Fred what is going on.
And out the door I went at a full run. Fred was waiting right around the corner of the barn.
“Damned, Fred, that was a speech. Thank you for this morning.”
“Okay. Try not to confuse the nice ponies too much. I’ll be back as soon as possible.” And I sprinted for the barn door.
We rushed down to the station and got there just in time to see the morning train disappearing into the distance. No problem, our tickets were good for any train. And I had a few hours to see my first pony town.
Ponies tended to see me first (I wonder if sticking up about twice as far from the road had anything to do with that?) and get big eyed and excited. Then they would spot Swift in her full Guard uniform and calm down. We took a pretty good loop around town with Swift pointing out various stores and restaurants. I have no idea why ponies need signs, everything looks like what it is.
We had nibbled out of our food basket on the way into town but the plan was to have a full meal in the park and be back at the station in plenty of time for the afternoon train. We had settled on a bench in the park with the food between us when I discovered why the words ‘pony’ and ‘plan’ should never be used in the same sentence.
We had drawn a small parade as we passed through town, mostly wide eyed foals too fascinated to stop looking and too afraid to come closer. This was different. It started as a bright pink streak zigzagging across the park. Swift said, “John, let me do the talking! ” By the time she had said that there was a small pink pony bouncing in place in front of us.
“Hi there!You must be the new guy!I know you’re new because I’ve never seen anypony like you!I’m Pinkie!What’s your name?I’m going to throw you the best ‘welcome to Ponyville’ party ever!Everypony will”
“No, Pinkie,” Swift quietly said.
“be there!We’ll have cakes and ice”
“No Pinkie,” A little louder.
“cream and presents and fire”
“NO, PINKIE,” Full force.
“crackers and music”
My turn “NO PINKIE! ” in full command voice.
“. . . . .”
Swift jumped in, “We are on or way to a Royal Audience, Pinkie. Do you want us to tell Princess Celestia that we were delayed by your party?”
“no” And it was like somepony had let all the air out her. She stopped bouncing and just sagged.”
I couldn’t let that stand, “Pinkie, we will come back to Ponyville and I would be honored to attend your party then.” Besides, I needed some good public relations.
The air rushed back in and she started vibrating, “Oh!I’ve got to start planning right now!This will give me time to get City Hall or a stadium booked!You.Promise.To.Be.Here?”
“I’m sorry Pinkie but I can’t promise anything right now. The Princess has a job for us and I don’t have any idea when I’ll be where until She tells me. But I will let you know as soon as I know.”
“Okee Dokee!I’ll be waiting.” And a pink streak disappeared into the distance.
“I’m impressed, John. Very few ponies can handle Pinkie that well. Right now we need to get to the station.”
So we packed up our mostly uneaten picnic and hit the road.
There wasn’t much left of the day by the time we got to the castle gate so I ventured, “I guess we missed today’s Court. Is there a place to stay overnight?”
“We need to check in right here at this gate. We may go to Princess Luna’s Night Court or they may direct us to our rooms.”
“Lead on. This is your home territory.”
The guard at the check in made a mistake. He glanced at Swift’s uniform and said, “You know where the barracks are.” Then he looked at me, “And your business is. . . sir?”
“NO!” Swift was full bristle. “He is Chief John Sampson, here to see Princess Celestia and I am Sergeant Swift Trail, his official escort by order of the Princess Herself.” And she threw the scrolls down on desk in front of him.
He didn’t get a chance to read them. At the sound of my name two ponies that were lounging against the back wall of the office jumped up and rushed around the desk. One of them said, “We’re here to escort you to your rooms, sir. After you are settled in, Princess Luna requests your presence at an informal Night Court.”
I’m not going anywhere in that place without a guide. We went up, down, and up again. I swear we made five right turns in a row. But we ended up at a large ornate door that opened into a suite well worth the trip. The leader of our escort said, “We’ll be right here when you’re ready to go to Night Court.” Then they took station on either side of the door.
I walked through until I saw what I wanted. “Swift, this looks just like a shower to me and I’m going to use it.” As I dropped my bag on the bench just outside of it and started started stripping. It took a few seconds to decode the pony oriented controls but there are a limited number of things that can be done with water valves. I was getting lathered up when I felt a pressure against my leg.
“This will go much faster if you help me, John.”
“Of course. What are friends for?” I started between her ears and lathered down her mane massaging the soap in as I went and pushing it down her neck and across her withers. The pattern continued until I had lathered her tail then I went back up and started under her chin working her neck, chest, and down her front legs in that order. From there I went across her belly and when I got to her teats I very gently separated them and ran a finger into the crevice between them. She was trembling a little but she spread her legs to give me full access. Finally I went back up to her flanks and worked down her hind legs. She raised her tail and I carefully washed under her dock. She gasped as I ran the flat of my hand down her most sensitive parts.
Then we did it all over again with the shower hose. She was panting a little by the time she was thoroughly rinsed. “John, marry me.”
“Can Luna do it?”
“I’m sure she can but it would incense Princess Celestia. Maybe we had better wait. But I have to tell you that as perfect gentlestallion and without taking any liberties at all you have just made me feel better than full on sex with a lot of stallions. Spring isn’t that far away and if you haven’t committed by then I’m not going to leave you a choice.”
“Full disclosure, I’ve already promised Applejack at least one date.”
“Not a problem. She’d make a damned good bandmare while we are off on Royal business and Fred already likes the farm. I have a strong suspicion that you could handle both of us easily.”
What have I gotten myself into?
We made it back to our suite, which we had learned was numbered A3. I got a draw of enough bits to cover some meals and personals. We didn’t figure out what I was going to use as a uniform or armor. I did get a Major’s brassards so I wasn’t technically out of uniform.
I repacked my go bag to be a gym bag and put my brassards in it anticipating an adventure in the morning. Then Swift and I settled down for a lesson in Equestrian military etiquette. The good part is that it isn’t as formal as I feared. I guess I should have expected that from any service that had a half dozen different species in it.
Swift had found us an alarm clock so we set it for four AM and turned in early but we didn’t get to sleep right away.
“Swift, just how serious were you in the shower?”
“Very. John, mares value strength, both physical and mental, in stallions. You have more of both than I have ever seen. Didn’t you notice how many mares were rubbing flanks with you this morning. You could have covered half of that crowd right then and there if you’d wanted. I don’t want to lose you!”
“Swift, my darling, you can’t. Some stallions value strength in their mares and you are a whole different breed from those social climbers.”
“Then why don’t we do it right now? In Equestria all we have to do is decide to be married.”
“Because it’s too soon. I just pulled you out of a nightmare world. That has an effect. Your mind is still in recovery. I want a fully happy and self reliant Swift Trail that has checked out all the alternatives and chosen me. I don’t want hero worship.”
“Oh my sweet wonderful human John, there are so many things that you don’t know about ponies. The normal sexual interaction between a mare and a stallion is the headlong rush to orgasm. The heat and pheromones compel us to be that way. The good stallions stick around afterwards for tenderness and friendship. Sometimes they even marry. The legend is that for every mare there is a stallion that loves her before the orgasm, that is a friend before a lover. It does happen and when it does, it is rare and wonderful thing.”
“Swift, you have my absolute word that once we have emerged from this turmoil you will have whatever you ask for.”
And that was enough. . . for now.
“What the fuck is that noise?”
“Remember the alarm clock, John?”
“Well it’s damned sure effective. I’m going to get out of bed just so I can smash it.”
Swift beat me to the alarm clock because I went for the light switch first.
“Tea. I need caffeine. I want coffee!”
“John, what’s ‘coffee’?”
“Swift, my darling, coffee is what tea wants to be when it grows up.”
“The water is heating, John. We will have tea soon. Perhaps coffee some day.”
I staggered around the room stretching and waking up. Follow that with toilet, tighty whities, and old favorite cammies. Swift headed for the toilet and about then the kettle popped. So I poured. A couple of cups later I was able to counterfeit life.
We were out the door and down the hall with the goal of reaching the Guard cafeteria by five AM. I am planning to be a regular there because they have something that has been missing from my life lately, meat. This morning I settled for two eggs and toast.
There was a shiny young Corporal sitting at the next table so I decided to start there. “Corporal, can you tell me where to go for PT around here?”
“I’ll be going there myself as soon as I turn this plate in. Why don’t you just follow me, . . sir.” He’d spotted Swift’s bars.
About sixty yards down the hall was another of those plain doors with writing next to it. When this door opened into a nice gym I memorized the writing. I set my bag on a bench and looked around. A few pushups and jacks later I was ready for some weights. Weights for ponies without hands are just weird but I found some with a handle on top so I started doing squats with one in each hand. I was doing curls with them when I noticed I’m getting some strange looks. Then I found a barbell set with a pad that would fit pony withers. I put a few weights on it, set it my shoulders, and went jogging. It made a good substitute for a pack. After re-racking the weights I sat on a bench to watch Swift work out with a group of Earth ponies.
The Corporal from breakfast walked up, “Hi. I’m Red Dawn.”
“Hello there. You can call me John.”
“John, do you mind if I ask, just what are you? I mean you’re big but you just juggled those deadpony weights like they were nothing.”
“’Deadpony weights’?”
“The big balls with a loop on top. Unicorns and Pegasi lift those to train for lifting ponies. They weigh as much as an armored Earth pony.”
“Oh. I’m a human from a world called Terra.”
“Where is that?”
“I honestly don’t know. I was stranded here but I’ve decided I like it.”
“Is that why you decided to join the Guard?”
“Part of it. I was in the Service on Terra so it fit.”
“Have you decided what you are going to do in the Guard?”
“Oh there’s no doubt. I’m a Specialist.”
“What kind of Specialist?”
“Information. My job is to know things.
“Well, I think my Captain is about done. I’m headed for the showers.”
“Will I see you here tomorrow, John?”
“I don’t know. I plan to but being new here in all senses, I have a lot of things to figure out.”
I set my bag in the locker room and stripped, rolling up my cammies and putting them in the bag. After a good shower I took out a pearl over navy combination like yesterday’s and donned it, pulling on my Major’s brassards last.
Corporal Red Dawn was standing right outside the shower room door when Swift and I emerged. I’ll never know if he was waiting or just lucky because he took one look at my insignia and went nearly catatonic.
We stopped by the clerk’s office and were given a couple of neat little badges on lanyards and instructed to wear them any time we went out of the castle. I was told that I had an appointment with the Guard Surgeon at my earliest convenience and that we had a lunch date with Princess Twilight Sparkle.
I said that we needed to speak with the Colonel. The clerk reached over and knocked on a small door in the wall. It opened and the Colonel’s voice came through, “yes.”
“Major John Sampson and Captain Swift Trail requesting an appointment, sir.”
“Send them in.”
She stepped back and we walked through to face the Colonel.
“Major, it has been reported to me that you have been abusing my gym. What should I make of that?”
“Sir, being the only human on the planet, I have to improvise. . . a lot.”
“Do I need to order some larger weights? I can get a Minotaur set.”
“Thank you, sir. But let’s wait a little while and see if I’m going to be around long enough. The Princesses still have some deciding to do.”
“Very well. Now what do you need?”
“Most of my possessions are currently being stored in an isolated barn guarded by a squad. The squad will be recalled soon. I need a secure place to store them. There are things I wouldn’t want casually accessible.”
“Like weapons?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I need to know what I’m going to be storing and just how dangerous it is.”
“Of course. The short form is that most of it is sharp or mildly poisonous. A few things are flammable or explosive on a small scale. None of it would be dangerous to more than one pony at a time.”
“I will examine everything.”
“I expect that. But only under my supervision. And I am relying on you to enforce that provision on everypony else. My weapons are based on technology, not magic. The difference is that anypony can wield them, even by accident.”
“John Sampson, after you left yesterday I got a copy of your oath. I don’t know that I could take on a burden that large. My name is Steel Will. Please use it when we are in private.”
“Thank you. Just ‘John’ works for me. Re that burden, I didn’t choose it. It chose me.”
“I think I know what you mean. And call me ’Steel’. Captain, may I call you ‘Swift’?”
“Of course, sir”
“You may call me ‘Steel’ too and drop the ‘sir’ in private.”
We went back through the clerk’s office and I got a guide to the Surgeon’s office while Swift took my bag and went to our suite to relieve the ponies waiting for us there. We are to meet at the door to Twilight’s tower by eleven thirty.
I have found the exception that proves the rule. Doctor’s offices in Equestria are worse than human doctor’s offices. They have the expected paperwork, and then some. All I did was check boxes and fill in blanks. But it got multiplied by organs and limbs that I don’t have. No, I’ve never had hoof rot, or hooves. No, I’ve never had feather mites, or feathers.
As the clock passed eleven I still had some pages to go. So I carried the clipboard back to the administrative nurse and said, “I’ll be back when I can to finish this.”
“NO! You have appointments scheduled. You can’t leave!”
“I have an eleven thirty appointment with a Princess. Do you imagine that you have any ability to stop me?”
“No. sir. We’ll be glad to see you whenever you have time.”
Oh sweet revenge.
My guide and I arrived at the door to Twilight’s tower with several minutes to spare but there was nopony around except for the single guardspony.
“Sir, are you looking for Captain Swift Trail?”
“Yes. I am.”
“She’s inside with the Princess, sir.” As he opened the door for me.
“Private, thank you for the time. You’re dismissed.” And in I went.
“Hey John. Up here.” It was Spike at the head of a staircase winding up the wall of the tower.
The stair emerged into am large room with tables and beanbag chairs scattered about and shelves of books on the walls. Twilight and Swift were sitting side by side across the room laughing and apparently engaging in perfectly ordinary mare talk.
As I approached Twilight said, “Hello, John. We were just talking about you.”
“Of course you were. There’s no better subject.”
Twilight grinned and stuck her tongue out at me. I felt a tear run down my face. And another. It was becoming hard to see so I sat down.
Somepony rushed over to me and touched my shoulder. The voice was Swift, “John! What’s wrong?”
I managed a shaky smile, “Absolutely nothing!”
“John, you’re not making sense.” That one was Twilight.
“I was literally blown out of my world and landed in a dark place with nothing familiar that I wasn’t carrying. I made a place that I could defend and lived for two years in a mud hut on constant watch for monsters that I had thought were mythical. From there I moved to an isolated barn and spent a few months surrounded by soldiers half whom were scared shitless of me. Finally I come here and with literal world shaking force completely sever all possible ties with my old life, old friends, old family, and everything that I have previously known. Then I walk up those stairs and see you two just sitting there laughing and it is so completely ordinary. It’s the first thing that has been ordinary for years. It’s the first time I’ve been completely happy for years.
The next thing I know I’m buried in ponies. Some indefinite time later a voice said, “I’m not going to let lunch ruin while you guys have a hugfest. If you won’t eat it I’ll find somepony that will.” It was Spike.
We slowly untangled. Towels just appeared and we all wiped and blew. As we sat down back at the same table I said, “Spike, I’m sorry. This stallion has been a bit high strung lately.”
“John!” Twilight positively gushed, “Don’t you realize!”
“Don’t I realize what?”
“This is wonderful. I’ve read about in some very old books but I never expected to see it for myself. John, it’s your citizenship. You are now fully a pony!”
I looked, so help me, I looked. Hands are still there. “Twilight, what do you mean? I still look and feel human.”
“Not your body, John, your soul. Your identity is pony now. Did you notice that you just referred to yourself as ‘stallion’?”
“So I did. I’ve been drifting more and more into pony idiom for weeks now.”
“But John, you just looked at two ponies and identified as belonging with them. You are one of us fully now. You have the Power of Friendship. You see being with your friends as a source of pure happiness. That’s the pony way.”
“Hey, John, while we’re on the subject of lunch, it’s here.” Celestia hinted.
“Yeh. And I bet it’s veggies for me and cakes for you.”
“John, you’re not an Alicorn that burns energy like a hummingbird.”
“It will be less messy if I get Bud to help with this. See you in a bit.”
Hey Bud. What do you think of the story so far? Yes we did, Bud. Can you handle lunch and toilet while I take a break?
“How are we feeling, Bud?”
“Much better, Your Majesty. I can’t believe we did all these fantastic things!”
“Bud, this is just the beginning.”
Lunch was the predicted veggies or cake. I compromised and had carrot cake.
hey john. we had carrot cake for lunch. fooled you. she tried. all yours
I spent the whole lunch eating mechanically and trying to figure out what this was going to mean. It would certainly change things with Swift. But maybe for the better. It also explained some things about Fred. Time for answers. “Twilight, we need to have some serious conversation. You will want Spike to record this.”
“John, you don’t have to worry. This is a good thing.”
“I know that. There are other things that you don’t know about and I need to tap your knowledge of magical theory.
“Swift, you need to pay attention to this. It bears directly on whether or not you get what you want.
“You ready, Spike?”
Spike nodded, Swift got comfortable, and Twilight looked really worried.
“First, all living beings on Equestria have some magic. Not all can manipulate magic outside of their body. Correct?”
“Simple but accurate,” Agreed Twilight.
“Those that can manipulate the magic need an organ to do it with. The more specific the organ the more specific the magic. For example, Pegusi aren’t even close to being able to fly by physical means. They use magic manipulated through their wings.”
“That’s a classic example though I wonder where you heard it.”
“Hold on to that thought. Individuals have specific talents. Their personal magic is strongest within these talents.”
The part about talents is also accurate. That’s what cutie marks are for.”
“Fred has always had speed, strength, and non-verbal communication as his talents. After we arrived here he became several times stronger and faster. And he developed an ability to communicate directly into my mind. I believe that being an equine, he tapped into Equestria and magic almost immediately when we got here.”
“That’s a big jump in logic there. What organ could he be using to focus this magic?”
“What organ does an Earth pony use?”
“An Earth pony’s magic is focused in her hooves and muscles.”
“You mean kinda like a horse that can gallop as fast as a Pegasus flies?”
“I read that report but it seemed obvious that the Pegasus was having an off day or some other random factor had skewed the results.”
Swift spoke up, “Twilight, I was there. That pasture is close to two thousand yards long. He was covering that length in well under a minute. But that’s not the amazing part. He was making square turns at that speed. That’s what messed Windy up. There’s no doubt. That horse has some strong magic.”
“Then we’ll just have to go out there and examine him.”
“Twilight, we have to go out there. We need to bring the rest of my possessions here for safe storage. But there’s no need to wait to perform your examination. It’s happening to me too.”
“John, are you sure?”
“Ask Swift about this morning’s PT.”
“You know what a deadpony ball is, Twilight?”
“I've got a horn, don’t I?”
“He was tossing them around like apples.”
“Are you sure?”
“Colonel Steel Will offered to get him a set Minotaur weights.”
“. . . . “
“Spike, I think I broke her again.”
A slightly red Twilight said, “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”
“Nope.”
“John, I want to do a magical examination of you. I will be very careful because you are such an unknown but it should be completely safe. Do I have your permission?”
“Didn’t I come in here to ask you to do it? Yes.”
“Take all of your clothes off and lay down on the floor flat on your back. Try to relax as much as you can. It’s even better if you sleep.”
“Flat on my back, buck naked, at the mercy of two beautiful mares, and she wants me to sleep?”
What I did was practice a little ‘po boy’ Yoga. Looking up when that horn was lightly tracing my face was hard on my nerves but looking up when the horn was on the other end of me was hell on my heart rate. The worst part was that it tickled like static electricity.
“You can sit up now, John. And I wish you would put your clothes back on.”
“You want me to wear clothes?”
“You are distracting me, John, and I don’t want Swift mad at me.”
“Why would Swift be mad at you?”
“Because she has claimed you and any mare that desires you does so at her own risk.”
“She has ‘claimed’ me?”
“Her scent is all over you so deep soap can’t take it off. I’ll bet your scent is on her too, warning other stallions to stay clear.”
“Spike, you can skip recording this part.
“Twilight, In view of what is happening to me, how safe is it for her to share my bed? Especially if I get excited?”
“I think sleeping should perfectly safe. It takes a conscious act to activate the magic. For the rest I would like to run some tests and see if your levels are changing or staying the same. It may be a good idea to hold off on a lot of things until we are sure you are in full control. Foals learning magic are famous for the damage they do and you are much stronger.”
“Okay. Plan. Let’s go get my gear and get it safe. Then I have an appointment with the Guard Surgeon for much medical testing. Why don’t you come along for that and see what turns up?”
“How much does your gear weigh, John?”
“A little more than I do.”
“Then a chariot will do nicely. We can be there and back before dinner. Spike, get them ready.”
“Yes, Ma’am!” And he was gone in green streak.
About an hour later we were lining up for a landing on the road that runs to the barn on the Apple Farm. Fred was running around the pasture kicking up his heels. Several of the squad had come out to see what the noise was.
We are in a rather ornate, extra large chariot pulled by a pair Pegusi Stallions. The Royal Chariot, that is. By the time we roll to a stop near the barn door the entire squad is there, all bowed and silent. Suddenly a loud squeal broke the silence.
“Major John!” It was Colt.
“Hi Colt. See what happens if you keep your focus and keep working.”
Twilight just grinned at me, “Speaking of things to live down . . . .”
“It won’t work, Twilight. I’m not even a little ashamed of helping a colt in distress.”
Swift is receiving salutes and hoof bumps from the entire squad one at a time.
“Come on, Twilight. You need to meet Fred.”
As we rounded the barn Fred cleared the pasture fence by at least a yard and bounced up in front of us looking for all the world like a half ton Pinkie in Bay and White makeup.
“Hello Fred. Calmly now. You’re scaring a Princess.” Twilight was hiding behind me.
<HAPPY! >
“Yes, Fred, I have a marefriend now.”
<HAPPY!!>
Twilight is peeking out from behind me, “John, I can almost hear him. I can tell it’s coming from him.”
“Good. Now stop trying to listen. It isn’t verbal so trying to hear words won’t work. Just look around and find ideas that are coming from somewhere else. Right now his predominate message is HAPPY!! Oh, and he’s glad I found a marefriend.”
Big Mac came around the barn, “Howdy, Fred.”
“Uh, John,” Big Mac drawled, “Fred wants ta stay here for a while. He told ma about ya turning into a pony.”
“Uh, John, I’ll pay ‘im double pony wages.”
“Big Mac, I’d pay you to let him stay here if it makes him happy.”
<HAPPY!! HAPPY!! HAPPY!! >
“Big Guy, you know you can call me any time. I’ll visit as often as I can anyway.”
“We have a few details to work out first.
“I’m going to load up my gear. I’ll leave your saddle and bags here.”
Twilight couldn’t stand it any more. “Big Mac, just when did he tell you that John had turned into a pony?”
“Yesterday.”
“Big Mac, don’t ever let him play with Pinkie. The feedback could be earth shattering.” I warned.
I did find out that Big Mac had a plan. He had an old three bottom plow in a storage barn. He never used it because it took a team of four. We agreed that Fred would have little trouble with it.
“Twilight, lets go get loaded.”
We had to borrow a couple of duffle bags from the squad to replace Fred’s bags. I threw Fred’s saddle and bags on so he could take them up to the main house. As Fred and Big Mac walked up the road Twilight broke into a giggle fit. Big Mac suddenly wasn’t the biggest stallion any more.
I spent most of the trip back speculating whether Twilight or Celestia would think to ask about my other talents first.
We had warned Colonel Steel Will before we left and he was waiting when we returned. I had a duffle on each shoulder and carried the rest. He led us to a stone walled room off the hall near his office. There was nothing in it but a couple of tables. I emptied both bags and spread the contents on the tables. Clothes, boots, knives and utensils, hatchet, trenching tool all were quickly passed though stainless steel earned some remarks. Ropes, tent, and tarps got more notice for the strangeness of the materials. Twilight stuttered when I spread out my cell phone and charging system. The LED lights were accepted as normal magic.
Then we got to the guns. I stripped the AR, laying out and explaining each piece then did the same with the Beretta. I showed them the ammo and explained how it made the sound and effect that Swift had observed. Then I said, “And right here in this state the guns will remain until at least two Princesses and one human say different.”
Twilight starting puffing up but I stopped her, “Twilight, I say this because I love and respect you. This is the very technology that ended knights and kings on Terra. A foal with that AR is the equal of a dozen Royal Guard. Armor ceases to have meaning. And it can be scaled up to the point of destroying a castle in seconds. I do not want to unleash this turmoil on Equestria! ”
The Colonel said, “Why don’t we just destroy it all right now?”
“Because you’ll have to destroy me and memories of me along with everything else. The physical existence isn’t what’s dangerous, it’s the concept. With the concept and a simple recipe, a foal could build a crude version capable of killing anypony in the room. Human children call then ‘zip guns’. I have far more dangerous concepts stored away in my brain right alongside concepts that could save the lives of thousands of ponies. You are the friends that I have chosen to help me and watch me. Celestia will make the final decision but we need to see that She has a chance to make a good one.”
Steel looked right at me, “What if She decides to destroy all of the technology?”
“Then I’ll expect speed and honor.”
Twilight was looking seriously worried now. “John, what are you and the Colonel talking about?”
“Military things, Twilight, the kind of things we exist to protect you from.”
We stepped out and closed the door as the Colonel produced two large padlocks for the two hasps on the door. “Major, these are enchanted locks. Put a drop of your blood on the key before you lock it and nopony else will be able to use that key to unlock it. There are two keys for each lock.”
I pulled out my folder and pricked a finger. A drop of blood later I had locked the top lock.
“May I borrow that?” from the Colonel.
“Sure” And it floated off my open hand. Seconds later it was back and the bottom lock was locked.
I held the second key to my lock out to Swift. She bit her tongue, spat on the key, and took it with her lips locking the top lock again.
Colonel Steel held out the last key to Twilight. It floated over to Twilight and she looked me expectantly so I opened the knife again and held it out. She floated over and made a small nick on her shoulder. The knife floated back, the key got its drop of blood and the bottom lock was locked again.
The Colonel and I exchanged salutes and he marched off up the hall. Swift, Twilight, and I went the other way. When we got back to the residential section Twilight headed for her tower after agreeing that we should be at her place by eight o’clock in the morning.
Swift and I walked quietly to our suite and in the door. I just got the door closed and she was on me. “John Sampson! Which pit of Tartarus were you spawned from?”
“Swift, I warned you what life with a human would be like.”
“You said you would terrify me, not torture me!”
“I’m sorry, my darling, at least I found somepony else to take the worst burden from you.”
She just put her head down and charged me. Again. And again. I just stood there and took it until she ran out of anger and collapsed. After carefully picking her up I walked to the bed where I sat and rocked her. She clung to me and sobbed for a while. Finally, “Oh John. I’m so pathetic. You’re the pony facing death and I’m falling apart.”
“I thought you handled yourself rather well for having such a shock just dumped on you. You didn’t even twitch when Twilight was completely clueless.”
“But look at you. You aren’t bothered at all.”
“Swift, my love, I’ve had years to adjust to my fate. When I first got a look at pony society I knew something like this was coming. You have been the surprise good luck in my journey.”
And she was off and wailing again. When she had calmed down again, I said, “I’m not planning to die. The possibility gives my words more weight but I am sure Celestia will find a better way. Now why don’t we find something to eat?”
Dinner was quiet and tender. She leaned on me and we fed each other tidbits. Afterwards we just sat together grooming. She worked on my back and I on her mane. We took a slow shower then settled onto the bed. I laid on my back and draped her across my chest.
“What are you doing, John?”
“My heart wants to feel your heart.”
She lifted her head until she was almost nose to nose with me staring directly into my eyes. “John are you absolutely sure?”
“I don’t know why but I am completely certain that this is the right thing to do.”
She began to rub her cheek against my cheek. She rubbed up the side of my head and down across my shoulder. Then she very softly kissed me full on the lips. The same gentle rubbing continued on the other side of my head. As she crossed over, she kissed me again, a little deeper. The place where our bodies met was beginning to feel a little warm. She kept rubbing and kissing as my heart began to pound. Then I could feel her heart pounding in her chest and it was the most wonderful thing that I had ever felt. The rubbing accelerated and the kisses went deeper. My heart rate increased as it seemed to home in on hers. Suddenly our hearts synchronized and began to beat together. It felt like one heart was pumping across our chests, from hers to mine and back again. A warm glow spread from our hearts until it completely surrounded and contained us. I don’t know how long we laid there but I had no intention of ever leaving that feeling of perfect bliss.
“ Thank you , John. I had never in my wildest dreams imagined that it would be this way. I don’t care if we never consummate it. I don’t care if either or both of us is dead in the morning. This one perfect moment is worth everything.”
“Swift, I’m sorry that we can’t have everything we want right away but there is something that you should know. While you were celebrating with your squad, Fred told me that we are going to have a foal.”
Our heart actually skipped a beat. “John, are you sure of this?”
“No, but Fred told Big Mac that I was turning into a pony the day before I did. I have a hard time understanding him when he makes these pronouncements but he’s never been wrong. Remind me to ask Twilight and the doctor just how complete this pony transformation is.”
“We’ve got a few months to go before spring and we know all of the best Alicorns in the world. We’ll figure it out. Meanwhile, you are completely and eternally mine. Marriage the old way is the strongest way.
It’s that damned noise again! The screech of it is tearing my ears apart but Swift is on top of me and our hearts are still linked. She starts to roll off of me so I clutch her to me, holding on for dear life.
“John, what’s the matter? You know we have to get up.”
“I never want to be separated from you ever again.”
“Silly stallion. We can’t be separated. Now let me turn that noise off.”
I loosen my grip and she slips away off to the side of the bed. I roll and sit up on the other side of the bed feeling my chest. There’s no blood or injury, just the same old skin. But then I feel her. With back turned and eyes closed I know that Swift is right there and moving that way. The world is the way it should be.
“Swift, why did I wait so long to do this?”
“Because you couldn’t until you finished turning into a pony?”
“I like this. I think I’ll make some tea.”
As I fumble about the kitchen, “Swift, what do you think of Colt? Specifically, do you think he can handle a complicated clerk’s job?”
“John, one of his biggest problems is that he is too much of a bookworm. He volunteered for the squad so he could feel like he is doing something important. He made it through the training on sheer guts. If you could find him a clerk job that made a difference, he would be in heaven. His full name is Berry Blush.”
“Good deal. I think I’ve got one for him.”
Otherwise today is pretty much a duplicate of yesterday except I dressed in new cammies and I had a new heart. When we made it to the cafeteria I ordered three eggs, toast, and strawberries. Corporal Red Dawn was sitting with his back to us so I walked by him and turned, “Mind if we sit here?”
He shot up out of his chair like somepony had shoved a rocket up his butt. “Yes, Sir! . . . I mean, No, Sir.”
“Sit, Red Dawn.” And we sat opposite him. “Do you see any uniform or insignia on me?”
“No, Sir.”
“’No, John.’ I have staff rank because I am the single individual in Equestria that has even heard of several foreign powers. In case something goes wrong I will stand next to the commanders and tell them what I know of the enemy. I’ve never held a sword or worn armor in my life. It’s why you’ll see me talking to Royals too. I had an appointment yesterday and I have one today so I’ll wear my uniform and rank after PT. Until then I’m John, a lost traveler.”
“What about the Captain?”
“Captain Swift Trail is my keeper. She’s a friend too but her primary job is to keep me from screwing up. It is being discussed if I can be sent through Basic. Being human, absolutely nothing comes in my size.”
When we entered the gym I turned to Red Dawn and said, “If you have any suggestions that might let me push myself, I’m interested.”
“I’ll think about that,” he smiled.
I started on pushups and jacks again while Red Dawn walked into a small ambush by several ponies his age.
Then I decided to get creative again. I put a deadpony on each end of a barbell and went jogging with it on my shoulders. After about five laps I was sweating a little so I racked the weights and went looking at the machines. They all seemed about right for finger exercises but I found a big rope like you would use for a tug of war. Taking it with me, I went to where Red Dawn and his friends were doing calisthenics. “Hey Red Dawn. I need a challenge. How many of your friends can you get on this rope?”
Seven of them jumped up so we moved to the open floor and stretched the rope. Red Dawn looked and me and said, “It doesn’t matter how strong you are, John. We outweigh you.”
I wrapped the rope across my waist and set my feet. Somepony called “Go!” and they started pulling. As Red Dawn predicted, my feet began to slide on the floor. Something inside me said ‘NO!’ and I felt power pulse through my legs and feet. I stopped moving. Then I took a step. They were sliding now. As I concentrated it got easier and I began striding across the floor with eight ponies in tow. Nearing a rack of weights, I stopped.
“Hey Red Dawn, that all the friends you got?” We had most of the gym watching us by then. Six more ponies volunteered and we laid the rope out again. The same Unicorn called “GO!” again. This time the rope didn’t move either way. I leaned into it hard and still it didn’t move. There a loud ‘crack’ and I stumbled forward holding a slack rope.
The Unicorn that was judging looked at me and said, “You have Earth pony magic. I saw it that time.”
“Are you sure?”
Now we have a very puzzled Unicorn, “How could you not know?”
“This is just my second day as a pony.”
“What did you say, John Sampson?”
“I just took my Oath two days ago and it took full effect yesterday so I’m still learning how to be a pony.”
There was complete silence. The Unicorn looked carefully at me and asked, “Was that Oath in the Royal Court two mornings ago?”
“Yes.”
“John Sampson, that was Alicorn level magic.”
“Well, of course. There were three Alicorns in the room and Celestia Herself accepted it.”
“No, John. The strength of an oath is purely the strength of the oath taker. That was all you.”
“Huh? . . . You have most certainly given me something to think about. Right now I need to go apologize to Colonel Steel Will for breaking his rope. I want to thank you all for the challenge. Maybe we’ll think up another one.”
I headed for the showers and felt Swift coming from other side of the gym. This linked heart thing could be handy. With the shower done and my uniform on we stepped back out to the gym and found every pony in the place lined up on either side of the door holding salute. I blinked and returned salute, striding purposely to and out the main door.
The Company Clerk was waiting for us. She opened the door into the Colonels office and gestured. We stepped through and she closed the door behind us.
“Major. Why are you tormenting my NCOs?
“Sir, I was trying to rebrand myself as a harmless academic. It didn’t really work out. And I owe you a rope.”
“A rope, Major?”
“The big rope in the gym that’s used for tug of war games. I broke it.”
“Just as a matter of curiosity, what were you doing when it broke?”
“We were having a tug of war. Me and fourteen other ponies. I learned something. The Unicorn judging said I was using Earth pony magic.”
“John, I’m going to verify that. Stand still.” So I stood and his horn lit for several minutes. “John, you are positively loaded with raw magic but the only Earth pony magic I can detect is on your heart. Congratulations.”
“Thank, you2,” Swift and I said in perfect unison.
“Now that you are married, I can set you up with an apartment in the Guard Sector almost as big as where you are now though a lot more practical. Let me know when you are ready.”
“Celestia put us there so we would be convenient for Princesses but we’re spending all our time back here. I’ll be asking Her about it sometime soon.
“I have another favor to ask of you. I need a Private. Specifically, I need a youngster from Swift’s old squad named Berry Blush. It take at least a month to gauge how well he’s working out and if he does like I think he will, he’ll be permanent.”
“No problem. Do you need an office too?”
“Let me reach stability first.” I said.
“Just let me know when you’re ready for him.”
“Right now we have a Princess to meet. Thank you, sir”
We paused in the clerk’s office long enough to change our status.
Twilight was ready when we got there so we just looped through her door and headed for the doctor’s office. My favorite nurse was behind the counter and had my clipboard waiting. I pointed out my entourage and told her to advise the doctor that Twilight would be consulting due to a major magical event that had happened yesterday. She didn’t even blink.
An hour of forms later I was sent to Imaging. A young Unicorn mare set me against a white wall adjusting padded brackets on the wall to hold me in place. Then she brought over a drafting table with a stack of large sheets of paper on it. Her eyes got a far away look and her horn lit. Suddenly pencils started flying on the table. As the first sheet of paper rolls over the front of the table and I catch a glimpse of a human skeleton sketched there. Nearly an hour later a very tired Unicorn drops the pencils and steps back. On the table is an image of every organ and major system in my body with color contrast. I knew some human doctors that would die for this.
A young Pegasus came in, picked up the paper, and left quickly. I was sent back out to the waiting room. After a few minutes a nurse called my name and led us to a room in the back. “Please remove all clothing and jewelry and lay on the table.” ‘The table’ being a padded platform about six inches off the floor. I got sneaky and rolled my pants up to use as a pillow. Swift and Twilight began a spirited criticism of my anatomy.
About thirty minutes later, “Good morning. I’m Doctor Red Duke. What brings us here today?”
I looked up and just started laughing.
“My, we are certainly happy this morning.”
“I’m sorry Doctor. I knew a Doctor Red Duke in my previous life. The contrast of appearance is astounding.” This Doctor Duke is a very small middle aged Unicorn mare with a striking yellow coat. “That Doctor Duke was known as one of the very best physicians alive.”
“I’ll try to live up to your expectations. Now, why are we here today?”
“First, the Guard and the Princesses want to know as much as they can about humans. Me being the first one and co-operative it seems mostly a matter of recording baseline information on everything about me. Second, I want you to have as much information as possible about what humans are suppose to look and act like in case you ever have to put me back together. Third, we would like to know just how much of a pony I am becoming. I’m having ‘unusual’ magic experiences.”
“That seems easy enough. Let’s start with your heart. Do you know where humans normally have their pulse read?”
“The inner surface of the wrist is most convenient and where the neck joins the body is most reliable. My heart rate at this moment is resting normal.”
“She felt around my wrist for a moment then called out “Fifty. You seem a little cool.”
“Normal human body temperature is slightly lower than equine.”
“Lets see what you sound like.”
Placing a cocked ear just above my chest, she scowled, “Bring me his chart.” A nurse rushed in.
Studying the paper for a second, “As I thought, your records are inaccurate. We’ll have to do them all over again.”
Another day of paper blizzard? Not happening. “Doctor, what are you talking about?”
“You have a very obvious ‘ghost heartbeat’. That means you are married by heart bonding. The sign in papers you filled out are clearly marked ‘single’. I don’t think you could have failed to notice the ceremony so something is off about your papers. The only sure way to correct that is to do them again and compare.”
Focus. “Doctor, there is another way. You might try asking me. You see, your system is such a clusterfuck that I was single when I filled out that part of the form. By the time I got in here I had been married.”
“I’m sorry, Major, that just won’t do. There are too many possible inaccuracies. We have to be sure.”
Command voice: “Captain Red Duke, you are ordered to finish this examination by assuming that I know more about my body than you do. You will speak with Princess Twilight and I as though we we understand the inner workings of my body and magic. Do you understand me?”
“YES SIR!”
Damned, what a time for an itch. “Captain Red Duke, you will speculate with Captain Swift Trail and myself on the possibility of my siring a foal. You will remember that I have a fair grasp genetics and reproductive biology. Do you understand me?”
“YES SIR!”
It’s itching really good now but I’m ignoring it. “Captain Red Duke, in a few days time I will bring a young clerk to you. You will assign a competent nurse to work with this clerk. I will instruct them in human methods of data handling. You will oversee their work to insure medical accuracy. I will oversee the technical aspects. We will construct a sensible system to allow ponies to obtain medical care in a timely manner. Do you understand me?”
“YES SIR!”
“John?”
“A few more seconds Swift.”
Damned that itches! “Captain Red Duke, you will do this because when it is successful, I will insist that you receive full credit and a promotion to Major so that you can teach this system across Equestria and benefit all ponies. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Sir?”
“Now Swift.”
“What does that symbol mean?”
“What symbol, Swift?”
“It’s several different shaped boxes connected by lines and arrows.”
“That sounds like a flow chart.”
“What does it mean, John?”
“It’s a kind of human technology that is used to organize action and/or information. It’s what I want to teach this Doctor. Where did you see this?”
“On your flank.”
‘On your flank.’ That’s three of the most significant words in a pony’s life. I waved the Doctor back a little and stood so I could get a full view of it. Yep, there it was. In full color and real as real gets. I’m the flow chart pony.
So I step over to where Swift is standing, carefully take her head in my hands, bend over, and give her a full on, ‘x’ rated, promise of things to come, kiss. After about half a minute I pull back. She gasps, “John, please tell me, for future use, what brought that on?”
“While we were flying back in the chariot I made a bet with myself. I swore that I would kiss the first mare that realizes that physical strength isn’t my talent and asks what is. You just won first prize.”
That woke Twilight up. “John, are you saying that if I had asked first you would have put a lip lock like that on me?”
“Yes. I was actually expecting Celestia to win, though.”
Nothing but stunned silence. So went back to the ‘table’ and sat down putting me close to eye level with the Doctor. “What’s next Doc?”
Doctor Red Duke blinked once then said, “Major, while a little magic help may be needed, I am quite certain that you could have a foal in next year’s crop if you desired,” and pointedly looks down.
Oops. I’ve got a boner that would make Big Mac proud. Y O G A. Y O G A. “Doctor, heartbonding isn’t possible for a human. I’d never even heard of it. And I started it. I said the traditional words first with total and absolute certainty that those were the specific words that I must say. Are you sure I’ll need external help?”
“I can run a fertility panel on you and see what’s there to see.”
“Tell me, Doc. Humans have forty six chromosomes. Terran equines have sixty two, sixty three, or sixty four. How many do ponies have?”
“What’s a ‘chromosome?’”
“A chromosome is an organized stack of DNA that encodes the genetic information of a given organism.”
“What’s ‘DNA’?
I glance over and Twilight looks like she is approaching orgasm. “Doc, lets try the other end of this problem. Why don’t we start with the images of my body and be sure we are on the same page re organ names and such?”
The same Pegasus that took the pictures away earlier brought us three copies of them and a box of pencils. We determined that most of my organs are what and where they are supposed to be. The doc did notice one difference. “You have a well developed gall bladder. I take that means you are a meat eater?”
“Yes, Doc, that is one of my weaknesses. In fact, it was eating a Manticore that got me into this mess.”
The Doctor slowly edges away, “You ate a Manticore?”
“Well it seemed fair, Doc. He was trying to eat me.”
After an assurance that I didn’t eat ponies, we got back to the images. Generic images of ponies were brought in for comparison and I noticed a difference.
“Doc, what’s this web of veins that runs from the extremities to the horn in a Unicorn?”
Twilight spoke up instead, “It’s how we gather magic and conduct it to our horn so it can be projected. A Pegasus would have the veins terminating in her wings. An Earth pony has no defined terminus but does have the veins running from hoof to hoof.”
“Okay. Now look at my images. It’s called my Lymphatic System and it terminates in my heart. There is no magic on Terra so humans wouldn’t develop a magic system but damned if this doesn’t look just the same. Same patterns, same nodes. How can we test this idea?”
It was determined that Twilight would maintain a shield to protect all from an accidental discharge. The Imagining Unicorn would watch and record my lymphatic system while I lifted something beyond normal human strength to activate my magic. Doctor Red would measure the flow of magic in and out of me. But it was also decided to do it after lunch so I got dressed and we headed out.
“I’m all for the Guard Cafeteria. What interests you mares?”
“I don’t see why not,” from Swift.
“You want the meat, don’t you, John?”
“Yes, Twilight, I do. There are trace nutrients that have been missing from my diet and I’m anxious to repair that. And it tastes good.”
“Alright, John, let’s do it.”
Both the mares chose large salads. I chose a small salad and grilled chicken with potatoes. I decided to splurge and order a beer with it. It was going to be my first chance to spend an earned bit but she wouldn’t take my money. “It’s my honor, sir.” I took the salad and beer and followed the mares.
We settled on a table near the kitchen because I had to wait for my chicken to cook. I was about halfway through my salad when Twilight looked up and fired off, “When were you two planning to tell the rest of us?”
Swift looked at me so I fielded it, “I was planning something like lunch today but, in case you haven’t noticed, shit just happens around me. Like I told the Doctor, I didn’t have a clue what the significance of the words were, I just knew that they were right in some ultimate sense. When I tap my magic in the gym, I don’t know what I’m doing, I just will it to happen and it does.”
“John, that’s a pretty good description of how magic works for most ponies. The question is how you are manipulating the magic without a magic organ or is there a human magic organ that we don’t recognize?”
Somepony called my name about then so I went to the kitchen and picked up my grilled chicken. It didn’t last long at all. Twilight was watching me like an experiment. “John, I think you might have to adjust your diet. It takes energy to use magic. You wouldn’t believe how much Celestia eats and still stays slender.
We decided to pass through the Colonel’s office to update my status (again) and give him a date for Berry Blush. The clerk was opening the door as we walked in, “Princess Sparkle, Major Sampson, and Captain Trail to see you, sir.
“Princess, how may I help you?”
Twilight just pointed to me.
“Well, John, what have you broken now?” with a grin.
“Nothing, sir. This time I fixed something.” And I pulled my pants down exposing my flank.
“Congratulations. Now, what is it?”
“It’s called a ‘flow chart’. It’s a human tool used to organize large complex activities into something manageable.””
So your talent is organizing?”
“There’s more to it than just that. It’s also used to impose logic on situations too complex for one pony to visualize.”
“Interesting. Just how do you use it?”
“It’s the talent that makes me such an effective problem solver. Show me a problem and I will quickly break it down into steps that lead to a solution. It’s why I’ll need Berry Blush in three days.”
“You will be notified when he arrives.”
“Thank you, sir”
“I can’t wait to see what you come up with tomorrow. Dismissed.”
We paused long enough to let the clerk make a sketch of my new cutie mark then off we went to the Doctor’s office. When we got there nopony was ready for me. I decided to take advantage of the time with Twilight. “Twilight, Luna had these clothes made for me and I don’t have the first clue where. I need more, I need different, I would like to get my cutie mark printed on some of them. Do you have any idea where I should go?”
“John, that’s just perfect. Rarity is another of the Bearers and she owns a shop in Ponyville. You both need a wardrobe. I’ll just set you up with one as a wedding gift. And John, don’t try to back out. Rarity would pay you to wear her designs in Royal Court. Swift, you two need to complement each other if you want to mingle in Royal Society.
“I’ll tell you what, Twilight, there’s another condition. We need to get out of the Ambassadorial Suite sometime soon. It’s nice as hell after living in a mud hut for two years but everything we do is back here. Besides if I’m going to participate Royal Society, I want a place I can retreat to. I want a defensible space. The Colonel has offered us a decent apartment in the Guard Sector. I want the option to look at it and maybe say yes.”
“Of course, John. You can live anywhere you want as long as somepony else isn’t already living there. And I’ll outfit it with conveniences so I can visit you in comfort every once and a while.”
“One more thing. Allow time for a party in Ponyville and notify Pinkie before we go there.”
A low rumbling noise that I had noticed began to get loud enough to get everypony’s attention. It stopped just outside the hall door. The door opened and an Earth pony stuck his head in, “Where do you want it?” And right there, in the hall, was what we were waiting for, a deadpony ball.
The nurse wanted it in the imaging room but the cart wouldn’t fit through the door. The two Earth ponies made a production of rigging a bar through the ring and preparing to carry it in. I couldn’t take any more. “Just leave it there.”
“But, sir, if they leave it out there, how are we going to get it to the imaging room?”
“Just open the door.” I walked over, picked it up with one hand, and walked in. The nurse got out of my way.
I set the deadpony in front of the white wall and waited. In about ten minutes the Doctor and Image Tech came rushing in, “They told me it would take another hour to get that thing in here.”
“Captain, you are going to ignore me one more time and I am going to become a literal monster.” I walked over to the deadpony and picked it up. Waving it at the Doctor, I said, “I could have simply carried it back from lunch and saved us all a couple of hours.”
We decided that since I had already been ‘juggling’ deadponies without disaster for days, we would dispense with the shield. Everypony was lined up and ready. “Go.” And I lifted the ball and held it out with arm at full length in front of me. After several pages, “Enough.” and I set it down.
The sketches seemed to show that the veins moved but how wasn’t clear. The Imaging Unicorn said, “I can’t draw fast enough to show it but when he has the ball lifted there is something traveling from his core to his extremities through those veins with a wave motion like peristalsis. It’s very small and very fast but it’s too consistent to be an accident.”
Twilight is in her element now. “We need a control. John, can you do something hard without magic? And I don't think we want the sketches if they don't show what we need.”
“Sure. Ready?”
“Go” And I pushed hand against hand as hard as I could. Then I turned it around and pulled. “Enough.”
Everypony looked at the Imaging Tech, “Nothing. Good muscles, no magic.”
“John, could you do the same thing with magic, flex your magic muscles?”
“Ready.”
“Go.” And no magic came. Nothing.
“It doesn’t work. The magic won’t come.”
“That’s good John. It’s what I hoped for. It means that your magic is fully controlled. You just have to find out how to operate the controls.” Twilight smiled.
“Alright. Now what does that mean for my personal problem?”
The Doctor and Twilight looked at each other. Twilight spoke up. “John, It should mean that you are perfectly safe to do anything you want with Swift. You couldn’t use your magic to harm anypony unless you explicitly wanted to. Your magic is not like Unicorn magic, it’s goal oriented like Pegasus or Earth pony magic.”
“Are you both completely sure of that?”
“As sure as anypony can be with a completely new kind of pony.”
“What about fertility?”
"Ordinarily I would say ‘no’ right off. Ponies have made bands with Griffons, Zebras, and Minotaurs. None have been fertile without help. You might be an exception. I would just give it try. If it doesn’t work I can spell you to all physical stallion, part stallion, or make you fertile with any female. The worst thing that can happen is a years wait." Twilight offered.
“Major, I might be able to help. We talked earlier about a fertility panel. That would require a semen sample. I could tell you how healthy your sperm is and you could see what happens when you ejaculate with your magic while risking nothing but an A/V.”
“Now that is a plan.”
Author's Note
I'll let you figure out what the 'C' is for.
Chapter Seventeen C
“Follow me.” and down the hall Doctor Red Duke went with us all behind her. We turned into what was obviously a well equipped reproductive lab. There was a phantom in the middle of the room and racks of A/Vs in sizes on the wall. The Doctor studies the A/Vs for a moment, “How big do you flare, Major?”
“I don’t.”
“You don’t?”
“Humans don’t flare enough that an equine would notice it.”
“That simplifies things. Strip.” She moves over two rows and chooses an A/V. Taking it to the counter, she opens a drawer and pulls out a liner. Another drawer yields a bottle of jelly. She pulls the liner through the A/V and folds the big end over securing it with a large rubber band. She pulls the small end through a ring then over the mouth of a small bottle. The ring slides down and holds the bottle tightly. By then my clothes were folded on the counter.
The Doctor fills the A/V with warm water then pours a little jelly into the liner and spreads it with large thermometer. She doesn’t like the thermometer so her horn glows briefly. A little more jelly and she’s happy. The A/V sockets into the cavity in the phantom and a snap locks it there. “Stand here, Major.”
A quick crank of a wheel on the front places the phantom at just the right height.
I just stand there looking at it. A lump of wood and cloth simply doesn’t thrill me.
“Do you need help, Major?” the Doctor asks.
“NO! I’ll handle my stallion.
“Pick me up and sit me on top of it facing you.” It’s Swift.
I put both hands around her barrel and sit her on the phantom. She wraps her hind legs around it and raises her front hooves to my shoulders. Leaning in she plants a triple ‘x’ rated kiss with deep tongue on me. Suddenly I can feel myself twitching against the back of the phantom. Releasing my mouth, she nibbles gently on my right ear. In a whisper, “John, if you get this right, there’s going to be heaven on Equestria at home tonight.”
Damned! I better get it in before it’s too late. Moving my hips back, I probe for the hole. Yes! As I thrust in I reach up and grab the phantom’s ‘mane’ with my arms on either side of Swift. She wraps her front legs around my ribs and puts her chin on my shoulder. Oh. my. It’s so hot and so soft and I thrust and thrust and she hums. Then the animal takes over. I hilt in the A/V and jerk up and down as I empty myself into a small bottle.
I become aware that I’m hugging Swift against me as I step back. I quickly bend over and set her carefully on the floor. Suddenly I notice that there is a large wet stain on the back of the phantom and it smells SO good.
“Ouch!” She kicked me on the shin.
“Not now, John. Later.”
Twilight and Doctor Red were comparing notes while I cleaned up in the sink.
Doctor Red remarked, “Thirty one thrusts, Major. That’s approaching clinical impotence. Do you need some help?”
Twilight looks concerned too, “Two full minutes to ejaculation! I hope you’re just bashful.”
Swift is rubbing against my flank, her cheek against my ribs, smiling. She knows.
I can’t help it, I just start laughing.
“You’re right doctor. Two minutes is near a clinical problem for humans. All I can say is that it’s been a few years.”
A very confused doctor asks, “With ponies long abstinence usually brings quicker ejaculation. Are you saying that humans are different?”
“Not at all, Doctor. Two minutes is right on the edge of premature ejaculation for humans.”
“Oh.” Now getting the A/V out has become important. Holding it up Doctor Red pronounces, “Good volume, good color, it seems like a lot of gel though. Is that another human idiosyncrasy, Major?”
“Yep. Remember that humans are vertical. It has to be sticky or it would just run out when she stands up.”
The Doctor has the little bottle on the counter and is dividing the contents into sample tubes. “I’ll get these to the lab and you can have your results in an hour or two.”
I’m halfway through getting dressed. “No rush, Doctor. We’ll stop by later for the results and any further tests.”
I’m fully dressed and eyeballing the door when Twilight finally wakes up. “I know you lovebirds are anxious to get home so I just want one thing, when will I see you again?”
“I think we’ll take tomorrow off unless somepony declares some sort of emergency. If you want to study my magic, meet us in the Guard cafeteria at zero five hundred the morning after next. You can observe my morning PT.”
“I think I’ll do that, John. I find I know less about my Guard than I thought I did. Don’t be surprised if I schedule a trip to Ponyville for that day.”
“We’ll be ready. And thanks for the help, Princess.” As Swift drags me to the door.
Out in the hall I am amazed at how fast those little legs can move. I’m trotting to keep up. “Swift, honey, are you really in that big a hurry?”
“YES!”
“Okay.” I scoop her up and hold her to my chest as I lengthen my stride and lean into the wind. And we’re there. As I set her down to open the door, “I didn’t know I could do that.”
We rush through and I start stripping as I lock the door. Turning, there she is, legs spread, tail up, and winking like a strobe
I step in front of her and the eyes are tracking me. “You don’t think you’re going to get off that easy, do you?”
Picking her up and cradling her in my arms I walk to the bed and sit. “I’ve spent the last two and a half years fitting myself into your world. Tonight it’s your turn. You are about to learn just what you have crawled into bed with.”
She’s trembling and I can feel our heart pounding. “Do you know why the heat and the pheromones compel you to rush through sex? It’s because ponies were prey animals. Your distant ancestors learned to avoid being eaten by being fast. That’s. Not. Me. Humans were hunted by the same predators and took a different path. Humans made weapons and fought back. Now predators run from humans. And that has shaped human sex too. We take our time. Why not? No one messes with us and emerges unscathed.
I turn her so her eyes are level with mine. “You are my Chosen, Swift Trail. My love. My mare. Bearer of my foals. I want you. I need you.”
With my nose touching her’s I breath deeply three times drinking in her scent. Our heart pounds harder but I calm it. I rub my cheek softly on her’s, running my tongue along her lips, nibbling lightly. Her ears get some nibbles too. Her tail is thrashing wildly in my crotch, teasing my erection. My thighs are wet. “Oh no. That trick is too old.”
I turn and lay her on her back on the bed positioning myself on my knees leaning between her hind legs. “I’m going to play you like a fiddle.” Leaning over her, I kiss her driving my tongue into her mouth. She gasps and tries to trap my tongue with hers. We duel for several minutes and our heart is pounding again. This time I let it.
I slip down below her chin to her neck, that long, sinuous equine neck, and kiss my way from side to side on it slowly approaching her chest. She is beginning to wiggle under me making guttural noises. As my head passes between her front legs I start caressing both sides of her barrel with my hands. She bucks wildly wrapping her front legs around my head and her back legs around my kidneys grinding herself against my abs. I feel warm wet on me as she lets out a primal scream. All I can do is let her ride it out.
“John?”
“Yes?”
“You aren’t even fully excited yet. How can I just take from you like this?”
“It’s not your choice. I choose to give you this gift and many more like it. We have tonight and tomorrow to go. I’ll have my chance.
Putting my head back down on her chest, I listen. The doctor was right. It sounds like she has an echo in her chest. This is what life is for, just knowing that strong, brave, generous heart is part of me forever.
I need to give her more so I continue my journey down her body falling off the bottom of her ribs and landing on her soft downy belly. I nuzzle around rubbing my cheeks on her warmth. What’s this? A belly button! I lick it and she shudders. So I lick again long and slow. She moans. Placing my lips around her belly button, I suck, pulling it up so I can flick the tip of my tongue back and forth across it. She’s panting and moaning now. Time to move on. My tongue slides down her belly and into the crevice between her teats. She spreads her hind legs begging me to play there. I trace a figure eight around her teats with my tongue. The moans are getting louder so I blow on her nipple getting a sharp jump.
As I tease her nipple with my lips she raises her rump, chasing my mouth with her teat. I slide my hands under her rump and lift, pushing forward. Her hind legs cant toward her head and heaven comes into view. I breath on her rapidly winking clitoris and her nether lips part, opening her vagina all the way to her cervix, begging me to dive in. So I do, running my tongue around her rippling walls. She’s bucking again, trying to force my tongue deeper into her. I take her lips between my lips and pull. She screams so I ram my tongue into her again. She clamps on my tongue and gushes sweet nectar into my mouth as her scream warbles. She tastes like hay and honey.
We ride her peak down the other side and she lays there with her chest heaving.
“How are we doing, love?”
“I. . . I. . . I never dreamed.”
“I’ll tell you what, one more round, for me, then we’ll take a break.”
I’d let her straighten out while she recovered so her teats are right under my nose. I dive tongue first into that delicate crevice between her teats. Again she spreads her legs inviting me to her most delicate places. I bounce back and forth between her nipples nipping lightly on each in turn. She squeals with each nip. I can feel the muscles rippling below my chin as her clitoris winks madly so I raise her rump to bring it to my mouth. I surround it with my lips and suck. She gasps and bucks. I suck harder. Her clitoris fights back, dueling with my tongue. My chin slips into her vagina as she pulls wide open. This is what I’m waiting for.
I slide quickly up her hind legs holding her rump rotated. Supporting my weight on my extended arms and knees, I drag my erection up her valley, feeling for her clitoris. It’s there! I time the winks and when it opens, I slip easily in. She’s tight but oh so slick. I begin to ease down but she bucks up, hilting herself on me. We drop into a rhythm, me thrusting down as she bucks up. Her vaginal muscles grip and pull in time to my thrusts. Her tail wraps up over my back holding my balls against her wonderful heat. We are making loud squelching sounds now as her nectar flows again.
I feel our heart pounding, I feel the tension gathering in her body and mine. I feel the absolute need to bury every last bit of myself in her as I begin to pump my very essence into her. As her body grabs mine and pulls that essence into it, I throw my head back and scream, joining her scream.
I want this moment to last forever but it’s just not to be. So I roll to my left releasing her and stretch out beside her. I reach over and pull her against my shoulder.
She turns her head and looks into my eyes, “Is this really how humans do it?”
“Not always. It takes love, good health, and some skills to make it to this level. But sometimes it’s better.”
“I don’t know if I could survive better. We are definitely going to have to stock up on healing and stamina spells before spring.
“Let’s go get a shower before we get all sticky.”
After a warm shower and a lazy dinner we are laying on a giant bean bag in the main room grooming. I’m combing her mane out one strand at a time. When I find a tangle, I bite it out. It’s just so comfortable being together like this.
“John, this isn’t what I thought of when you said humans had sex for days at a time.”
“What, you thought I’d be stuck inside you for a week?”
“Well, maybe not a week.”
“Darling, you can’t have a peak without a valley. And we do need food and water to keep up our strength.”
“It’s not that, John. This is better, just being happy together knowing that a living piece of you is inside me. I wish I was fertile right now. I need to give you a foal.”
“Well, we could always try again? Do you think you could support part of my weight?”
“I’m a mare. I was born to support a stallion twice my size. And I’m an Earth pony. I could support your full weight as long as I didn’t try to move.”
“Perfect.”
I reach over and pinch her flank.
“Ouch!”
I stand and pinch her shoulder.
“Hey!”
I lean over and rub my head across her neck, nickering softly.
She jumps up breathing heavily, “John?”
I pinch her left front ankle.
She stomps, “John!”
I reach under her and run my hand up and down the inside of her left front leg pulling it toward me.
She swings her butt against my side.
I reach across her back and rub my chin on her far side nickering strongly.
She squeals and runs out from underneath me.
I chase her, cornering her in the kitchen by placing my body sideways across the corner she is in. I grunt a deep note.
She whirls and fires a double barrel kick at me.
I dodge back and she slips by me. I chase her into the bedroom.
She’s standing facing me with eyes wide, panting and tail straight up.
I step forward staring directly into her eyes, towering over her.
She lowers her head and whinnies.
I push her toward the bed with my shoulder.
She tries to run by me to the door but I cut her off.
She tries another kick but I sidestep it and push her toward the bed again.
She’s backed against the bed with her tail waving wildly so I pinch her shoulder again.
She whirls and jumps up on the bed to escape me but I grab her around the barrel before she can take a step.
My hands fit neatly between her ribs and flanks as I pull her toward me. She tries to kick but I’ve got my weight on her now and she can’t lift her feet off the bed.
Her tail rolls over and sideways against my right arm. She’s winking wildly.
I step up and poke my erection against her flank feeling for the soft spot.
I feel warm wet on the left side of my member so I shift left.
As I probe forward I am rewarded by a gush of her nectar over me.
I raise up and push forward again. I feel warm and wet. Suddenly she opens up and pushes back. I’m in!
I start a slow steady rhythm. Leaning over her I snort and grunt. Every time I’m deep in her my balls bump her clitoris. It winks madly against me.
She has turned her head and is staring at me as I rut her for all I’m worth. I can feel something like a ball of soft meeting my glans every time my thrust bottoms. I push harder and my glans embeds in it. It’s her cervix. That’s all I need. I ram myself home in her and unload every possible drop into her uterus as her clitoris massages my balls. She clamps down hard on me taking no chance of any sperm escaping. I take a deep breath and tell the whole world that I just bred my mare.
I’d like to stay here forever but I’m rapidly shrinking to nothing so I step back and to one side. Swift launches herself across the bed, off the other side, and to the toilet. I hear water splashing in the background.
“Sweetheart, we are going to have to do that outdoors some day. Maybe we could do it on the Apple Farm and invite Applejack.”
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. “So Twilight had begun to suspect that early,” Celestia observed. “What about you?”
“I knew. I suspected starting when the opportunity to take the Oath came. Then things started clicking together. Being young and naive, I welcomed it.”
“Oh, John, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I could have stayed on Terra and never have known the glories that I had.”
When the train pulled into the Ponyville station there was a pink blur waiting for us.
“Hello Twilight John Sampson Swift Trail!Oh you’ve changed.Congratulations Major Captain.”
And the strangest thing happened, she just stopped. Pinkie walked up to me and stood up placing a hoof on my chest. “YES!” She blasted. Then she walked over to Swift and did the same. “YESYESYES!!!this is wonderful.We must rework everything.Be at City Hall by One PM.Don’t worry I’ll get you home by dark.” And pink blur shot off the platform and into town.
Twilight smiled, “I told you so.”
Swift just grinned.
“I’m guessing we’re about to have some sort of wedding celebration?”
“At least.” Twilight laughed.
I shouldered my bag and we headed into town with the goal of seeing Rarity first. Last time were through here my novelty drew a crowd. This time I was wearing Guard colors and insignia. And the crowd was bigger if anything. I could blame some of that on the Princess next to me but she is a regular here. The good part, though, was that they wanted to get close. Last time there was a zone that nopony would cross around me. Now they all wanted to hoof bump or hug. It was wonderful.
Rarity is a gray Unicorn mare with a longdark blue maneand a serious devotion to style. She loves my choice of colors in clothes but detests the fit.
“Rarity, please, these were made in a few hours by copying my work clothes while I slept so I would have something for a Royal Audience the next morning. ‘Something better’ is why I’m here.”
“Very well. Up on the platform!” A tape measure starts flying around me. “Hmmm. Take those rags off.” So I strip down to tighty whities. “You’re not a stallion!”
“Rarity, most of Canterlot would argue that with you right now.”
Twilight is having convulsions trying not fall down laughing.
Rarity looks back and forth between us, “What is someone not telling me?”
Swift spoke up, “John and I are recently married. Due to a series of unusual accidents our honeymoon has become the stuff of legends in Canterlot.”
“Oh. . . . What I was referring to is that we must allow a certain space for accidental expansion when we dress stallions. Otherwise there is a great potential for pain and embarrassment. John doesn’t seem to have that requirement.”
“Actually, I do. I just ‘dress’ down instead of up. The vertical spine has that effect.”
Rarity leaned next to Swift, “Darling, you are going to have to fill me in on the details some day.” Coming back to me, “But right now we have this most wonderful opportunity. We can do things with this glorious stallion of yours that we can’t do with any other, starting with showing off those magnificent muscles.”
“Rarity, I need a little fancy dress, some Guard for humans, and a lot of daily work clothes with a light side of house dress. You can have all the fun you want with Swift here.” I figured that for a win-win.
The tape measure flew and some notes and sketches were made. I turned and bent on demand. Finally, “That should do it. We’ll have to do some fitting with a few of the pieces but this will do for most. You can get ‘dressed’.”
“Wait a minute! There’s something else.” I pulled my whities down enough to expose my flank. “I want this on a few of the pieces,” pointing to my cutie mark.
“Oh yes. Why would anypony want to cover that up?” And we had another sketch, in color this time.
“Next!”
As Swift mounted the platform I said, “Mares, this is your opportunity to talk about me. I’m going take a few minutes to run out to the Apple place. Where should we meet back? Here?”
Twilight thought for a moment, “Here, I guess. Unless you run late. About twelve thirty we’ll head for the party. Don’t get lost!”
“No problem.”
I finished dressing and left the mare talk behind. Back across the square and out the other side of town from the train station should do it. Of course, there’s only about a hundred chances to confirm that as most of Ponyville seems to waiting for me to walk by. I have to turn down a number of offers for an escort because I plan to make up some time when I get out to open country.
Two minutes later I’m walking through the Farm gate. I can see Fred and Big Mac working in the next field over. Fred spots me and shrugs out of the harness as I trot over to meet them.
“Hi there, Big Guy.”
“Fred! You’re learning words.”
“Hello, Big Mac. Fred says your teaching him.”
“Eeyup. Good to talk while working. Gonna plant twice as much next spring.”
“Damned. You too.”
“Eeyup.”
“Can I ‘borrow’ Fred for a minute? I want to try something.”
“Eeyup. Fred says you been learning too.”
“Yes I have. Fred, you up for a race?”
“Yes. To the back of that pasture you raced in before and back to here. Big Mac can call go.”
We lined up. “Go.”
Fred kicked off a short yard ahead of me and settled into an easy gallop. I eased up beside him until I caught his eye.
He kicked it up a notch so I kicked it up two. I cleared the fence just ahead of him and stretched out for a serious run. The wind in my face felt wonderful. The back fence was coming up fast an we u-turned side by side. Less than a minute later we pulled up next to Big Mac still side by side.
“WE won!”
“John, I knew Fred could, but you too?”
“Yes. I’m learning a lot of things.”
Big Mac throws me a hoof bump and a big smile, “This is good, John. And the Service too!”
“Big Mac, I’d like to ask you a favor. Swift and I both like the outdoor life and running free. Could we come out here for a vacation? I’d love to do some farm work just for the joy of it and we’d like to camp in the woods sometimes.”
“John, don’t ask, just come. You’re feeling the Earth pony need for the land. And I can show you a couple of great, private camping spots.”
“Thank you, Big Mac. I had the need on Terra. I think it’s a universal truth.”
That got me a giant three way hug.
“I hate to run guys but I left Twilight and Swift with Rarity picking out clothes. I need to get back before they overload the train.”
It took me two minutes to get back to town and fifteen to get across the square. The mares were having tea and gossip.
Swift look up, “John! How are Fred and Big Mac doing?”
“Very good. Fred is learning words and Big Mac says they’ll double their planting this spring.”
Twilight stared at me, “John. Do you realize what you just said? Big Mac is teaching Fred to talk!”
“Yep. And Fred seems to be drawing Big Mac out. I gather they have conversations while working the fields together.”
“Wait a minute.” Rarity is looking confused, “Are you trying to tell me that you’ve walked to the Apple Farm and back since you left here and had enough time to visit?”
“Well, maybe not ‘walked’ but it was all on foot. Fred and I raced across the farm and back too. I can keep up with him now.”
Rarity stood and walked over inspecting me thoroughly. “I believe you, John Sampson, because there’s no other way you could have collected this much dirt.” And I feel a subtle ‘pop’ on my body and a small ring of dirt falls to the floor around me. As I watch, it forms into a ball and the trash can near the door opens to receive it.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, John. A.J. is going to just eat you up.”
Rarity closed the shop door behind us. We had ideas of wandering around town for a few minutes but I noticed that almost everypony was drifting toward City Hall.
“My darling mares, I believe that there’s nothing to see because everypony has already left for the show. As ‘the show’ it behooves us get in gear and not disappoint them.” An excess of strong tea has given me a slight edge.
We joined the drift. Just as we reached the door, Pinkie came shooting through from the inside. “Wonderful.Right on time.Just follow me,” taking us through the foyer and main room to the stage.
I’ve never been to a Pinkie Party before. I wasn’t prepared for the speed.
As soon as we were all on stage Pinkie got behind Swift and me and pushed us out to the front.
“Here’s the guests of honor! Tell us something about yourself, John Sampson.”
I almost missed it I was so amazed that Pinkie could enunciate flawlessly.
“I’m sure everypony knows by now that I’m not from around here. I’ve been a lot of places and seen a lot of things. There’s been ups and downs. But none of that matters any more. I have a wonderful mare, Swift Trail (hugging her to me) and a hall full of friends. All that’s left to achieve perfect happiness is a party. So let’s do it!”
Canons fired confetti from both sides of the stage and balloons fell from the ceiling as the crowd erupted. Pinkie smiled so big I thought she was going Cheshire Cat on us.
We mingled. And we ate. And we rubbed flanks with the great and small of Ponyville. I finally found a pad and just sat. That put me more at eye level with the rest of the world. Twilight had slipped out to check on her library and Swift had been swallowed by the crowd but I feel her nearby. The citizens of Ponyville are a gregarious lot. I haven’t been ask for anything but friendship yet. I’ve been offered everything. After a few hours I felt a need to stretch. I eased out a side door and leaned against the side of the building a few yards away. I turned to the sound of hoofsteps and saw Applejack coming from the same door.
“Hello there Applejack. I haven’t broken my promise to you but things have kinda happened to me.”
“I know that, John. And call me AJ.”
“I like that. I just wanted to be sure it wasn’t reserved for close friends.”
“It is.”
I squatted with my back against the wall to put us at the same level. She moved directly in front of me and looked me in the eye from almost nose to nose.
“I want that date.”
Leaning forward, she gently rubbed my cheek and shared breath with me.
I stroked her neck with my hand and said, “AJ, you will always be among my first friends no matter what. But you are fast approaching a line that I cannot cross without Swift’s approval.”
“The only question I have is do you want to cross that line, John. Am I somepony that you could love?” And she started nibbling on my ear.
I moved away. “Please, AJ, I cannot take any chance at all of hurting Swift. As much as I want this, I must talk to Swift first.”
“John Sampson, hear me. On my Oath as a Bearer, I would never consider harming Swift Trail or you. Swift sent me to ask you.” She seemed to glow for a second. “How do you think I knew about the ears?”
“Oh, AJ. I can only plead that I was doubting my own judgment more than I was doubting you.”
“John, this is another lesson in pony living. A stallion doesn’t need a mare. He needs mares, plural. The stronger the stallion, the more and stronger mares he needs. I have seen your heart and soul. You are the strongest stallion that’s been for generations. Equestria needs your bloodline. You won’t stop with me.”
“Very well, AJ. But I have some conditions. At least one date will be private and lengthy. It would probably be best on your farm. You need a full look at just what you are getting yourself into. And we need a serious conversation with Twilight. It won’t be tonight but you know where to find me.”
Then I pulled her to me and kissed her deeply and fully.
As we parted, “Oh John. I thought Swift was exaggerating.”
“Consider that a sample.”
We made our way back to the party. Swift was watching the door when we walked in. AJ nodded and Swift nodded back. Rarity and Twilight both smiled. Why do I feel like there’s a conspiracy going on?
After thanking Pinkie and arranging delivery from Rarity we piled on to the night train for Canterlot and home. I used my bag as a pillow and Swift used me for one as we slept most of the way back.
When we got to the castle gate I passed my bag to Swift and suggested that the mares go ahead while I attended to a quick errand. They agreed and when they had moved off I asked the gate guard if Luna was holding Court that night. He said, “yes.”
I made my way to the Throne room and waited as Luna heard the pleas of a town mayor needing a new road.
“Approach us, Major John Sampson.”
“Your Majesty.” I stepped forward and bowed.
“What hast brought thou, Good Major?”
“Your Majesty I come here tonight as John Sampson, a fool. There has been some recent small disturbances in the Castle caused by myself. Blame has been bandied about by myself and others. I come to place in Public Record the final determination of fault. It is absolutely and fully on me. In my arrogance I failed to appreciate the power and subtlety of Equestrian magic. In my ignorance I spelled myself to the inevitable failing. I’ll never regret the outcome or any subsequent effects but I apologize profusely for allowing my failing to spill over and disturb Yourself or any other of my friends .”
“That be a mighty act of honor, Major John Sampson. Art thou sure thou wishes for it to be a part of Official Record?”
“Absolutely.”
“It is done. Thine words shall be read in the morning’s Royal Proclamation. Perhaps some of thyne ‘other friends’ hast some word to add,” looking sharply to Her right.
Celestia and Twilight stood there in an alcove. Twilight was grinning.
Swift had already hit the bed when I got in. As I settled in behind her she rolled and wrapped herself around me without waking. This is what matters. No spells. No hormones. Her naked soul loves me.
“Oh, John. Would you believe that legend persists even today?
“That might be useful, if I were still a stallion.”
“You know that you could be again.”
“We will not abandon Fred.”
“Fred has long outgrown any need for your support. And I believe that if you released him, Luna would immediately take him in. Bud waited until your last foal was weaned before coming here and you have way more than enough family to raise them.
“We will abandon no foal! Ever!”
“I didn’t suggest that, John. I said you have all the mare help you could ask for if you chose to raise them as a stallion. Just consider it.”
“Wouldn’t I still be a threat to Equestria?”
“Not really. Your diluted bloodline has brought us to the dawn of a golden age. Most of the reasons to fight over you are gone now.”
“Even if we did decide to return to my old body, we would spend some time taking care of family and making the transition smooth. But I will think about it.”
That damned alarm! Why didn’t somepony complain about that noise?
Our morning routine passed as usual until we walked in the door of the cafeteria. Colonel Steel was waiting.
“Same order, darling. I’ll take the heat.”
“Major, did you know that my first duty every morning is to review the Royal Proclamations? I have to check for a potential security breach and this morning I may have found one. It seems one of my officers wants to publicly admit to casting dangerous spells on himself. Do you think that is a good idea?”
“No, sir, I don’t. But it is the best of several bad ideas.”
“I can redact it or send it back for reconsideration. All of the Princesses have seen it now so no effect would be lost.”
“Part of my honor would be lost, sir.”
“That’s what I thought you’d say. Very well. Have a good day, Major.”
“What was that all about?” Swift had arrived bearing food.
“I confessed to being the cause of the noise complaint. The Colonel was just confirming it.”
“Who did you confess to?”
“Luna and Celestia”
“Good. Maybe all of this will die down now.”
Breakfast was pleasant but as we were leaving I noticed a group gathering in a corner of the room. They seemed focused on something on the floor so I just had to go look. It was a pony, a Private, a familiar Private, sleeping laid across a duffel bag. I motioned for Swift to join me then I motioned for everypony to stand back.
Swift glanced at him and “a-ten-HUT”
Colt jumped to his feet at full attention. It might have worked if he had been on the floor instead of on top of his duffel. I’ve got to give him credit. He rolled once and came up saluting.
“Private Berry reporting, sir. . . Major John? . . SIR.”
I returned salute, “At ease, Private. Now, what the bloody hell are you doing sleeping in the mess?”
“I got my orders assigning me to your office yesterday. I couldn’t get on the noon train because the ticket office was closed for some holiday. Then the night train was reserved so I couldn’t get on it. So I walked. Everybody had gone to bed when I got here so I waited here.”
Damned. I could hardly blame him for any of that. “You’re lucky the Colonel didn’t spot you. He was just here. He’d geld you for this.”
A helpful voice from the crowd spoke up, “He saw him, sir. He said you’d handle it.”
“Very well. Private, you will report to the Company Clerks office. If the clerk isn’t in, you will stand next to the door until the clerk arrives. You will get all of your papers and billet straight. You will familiarize yourself with the Castle in general and the Guard Sector in detail until sundown. Tomorrow morning at zero five hundred you be here, in the mess, wide awake and ready for duty. Do you understand soldier?”
“Yes, SIR.”
“Dismissed.” And Swift and I headed for PT.
We were in the Doctor’s office after a normal PT. The Admin Nurse decided to handle us personally, settling us in a comfortable office.
“The Doctor will be with you momentarily, Major.”
And she was, “Good morning, Major, Captain. I have some interesting news for you.” Doctor Red smiled. “You, sir, are one hell of a stallion. You have a high count of nearly perfect sperm but most amazing is their motility. I believe that you could ejaculate on the vulva of a mare and impregnate her.”
“Doc. That’s human normal. Of course the farther the sperm have to travel, the fewer will make it but they are made to swim uphill.”
“I had suspected as much but that’s not the best part. We ran a chimera test and you passed it. In fact, you passed it three times.”
“Doctor, what exactly is a ‘chimera test’?”
“We extract ova from an animal, usually a rodent, then spell the ova to counterfeit pony ova. Outside a uterus it won’t develop past a few divisions but it gives us an indication that the sperm being tested will fertilize a mare.”
“Doctor, speculate with me for a minute. Let us suppose that an energetic young foreigner decide to become a pony. That this ignorant youngster had never performed magic in his life and yet had managed to accumulate a great deal of it. So for his first spell he swore a mighty Oath to make himself a pony, the best pony he could be. Further suppose that in the back of his mind while he was composing and speaking this Oath he was dreaming of having the best pony family with the best foals. How do you think that would work out medically?”
“I believe that I can look forward to attending a lot of births for your band, Major.” And Doctor Red smiled from ear to ear.
“Are there any other tests that we need?”
“No, I think you just answered all the questions I had. Thank you very much, Major.”
“Captain, I will be here at the same time tomorrow with the clerk I promised. Can you have me a non-essential but knowledgeable nurse to work with him?
“Of course. And I have a room with supplies. I’m looking forward to seeing just what you are up to.
“We’ll see you then.”
In the hall I asked Swift, “Let’s go see Twilight.”
“Okay.”
We walked up to Twilight’s main door. The usual doorpony was there. We asked if Twilight was in. He spoke to a speaking tube briefly and let us in. Twilight was in her second floor library looking like student studying for finals.
“I come bearing gifts, Princess.”
She looked me up and down then behind me, “I don’t see anything.”
“The best kind of gifts, Princess, intangible gifts. Gifts that can’t be lost or broken.”
“Now I’m worried. Stallions with promises are the bane of every mare.”
“You wound me, My Princess. All I ask in return are a few trifles. A library, and the answers to two questions.”
“I’m still working on your last question. I don’t know if I can stand two more.”
Uh oh. “Which question are you still working on?”
“What it will take for you to be properly fertile with a pony mare.”
“Twilight, I’m sorry but I’ve already answered that question.”
“You have?” Oh so sweetly “Pray tell, what is your answer and how did you find it?”
“I’m more fertile than the average pony stallion and you told me.”
“I . . told . . . you? . . . John, have you ever seen a pissed off Alicorn? Would you like to?”
“The key was in our discussion of my magic and how it relates to my Oath. Remember that I wanted to be the best pony that I could? Behind that I was defining ‘best pony’ as the strongest protector of the best family of the best foals. I spelled myself to fertility. The Doctor tested it and confirmed it.
“And Twilight, we’re not an hour out of the doctors office yet. We came as soon as the ramifications sank in.”
“John, that’s actually a very astute understanding of magic for a complete beginner. For that you’ll get your first trifle. What kind of books do you want?”
“Basic to advanced general knowledge starting with magic. And some language primers. I’ll have to learn to read then learn exactly what the state of the art is in Equestria. I was impressed by the use of magic to obtain detailed internal images of me. I was not impressed by a doctor’s complete ignorance of basic biology. At some point I want to drop some useful hints on Equestrian academia. Now, ask me any question.”
“Why do you want to do these things for Equestria?”
“Because it is my nature. I can’t not do it. That is part of what my cutie mark means.”
“How could you prove something like that?”
“Ask Swift, or AJ, or Luna. They have all seen my heart. Ask Colonel Steel.”
“What was that exchange with you two the other night?”
“Please, Twilight, you won’t like that answer.”
“I want it anyway!”
“I asked the Colonel to personally grant me a quick and honorable death should Celestia deem it necessary.”
“That’s just not possible, John.”
“It’s what all the Services do, Twilight. We die that the greater mass of civilians can live in peace and harmony. Ask Swift.”
“No! Ponies have grown beyond such violent ways.”
“I’m sure we have, Twilight, but what about the rest of the universe? Some of them haven’t got the memo yet. Remember that Manticore? I was perfectly willing to live and let live. He was hungry. Someone has to stand between the children and the Manticores.”
“You ate that Manticore. How is that any better than him eating you?”
“I ate him so that his death wouldn’t be wasted after I killed him to keep him from killing me. He was stalking me. I was walking around him.
“Now for my question. How does a heartbond affect or influence other strong magic? Specifically, could somepony heartbonded with me access my magic or be influenced by it? Could the Magic of Harmony used by a Bearer influence or be influenced by a heartbond?
“Are you thinking of AJ?”
“Some. I’m also worried about Swift. We heartbonded before we knew that my magic is tied to my heart. I wouldn’t mind Swift accessing it but I wouldn’t want it accessing Swift. I may also want to bond with a Unicorn someday.”
“That will and intent thing would apply here. Your magic couldn’t harm anyone you didn’t intend to harm nor could your magic be accessed without your directed will.
“Re the Elements, we know that historically they have withdrawn from this world rather than permit less than ideal access. They represent a will beyond any single pony and are are very well protected from abuse. So I wouldn’t worry about heartbonding with AJ. Or an Alicorn.”
We had some digesting to do after the questions and being pragmatic, we started picking out books while we thought. Twilight was explaining the pony alphabet to me and showing me how to read the titles of the books when something clicked. Pony writing wasn’t a different language, it was different shapes better suited to writing with hooves. Freaking obvious when you think about it.
After we had a fair pile of books, the subject of where to keep them came up. I wanted them in my office where I could use them daily. That meant I needed some bookshelves. In fact, we needed a whole apartment of furniture. So Twilight took us shopping. I’ve got to tell you, shopping with a Princess is a pleasure. The only questions were ‘when’ and ‘where’. My sole disappointment was the total lack of even a concept of ‘executive chair’. But I did get a really sweet desk.
At lunchtime I spotted a very familiar looking fast food place with an orange high peak roof. Twilight wasn’t impressed but I wanted to see what the pony version of an old familiar place was like. It was worth it. They have fish or chicken salad.
We explored the idea of shoes for me with a farrier. Boots are not a problem but the shape eluded him. I will bring my old boots by some day.
I bought Swift some new large saddle bags suitable for traveling and made a note of the fancy bags she looked at three times but didn’t want.
Finally we found the bookstore. There were a couple of foal’s primers and then I found the book of my dreams. It’s Encyclopedia Equestria, twenty two volumes of condensed Equestrian knowledge. I insisted on taking it all home with us.
When we got back to the castle there were some packages in our suite. The note said, “These are few of the easy ones to tide you over. Enjoy. Rarity.”
We decided not to unpack because we would be in our new apartment shortly but we had to look. There were capes and scarfs for both of us. I had some stretch shirts that looked sprayed on and a couple of what looked like pajamas and a couple of more like sweats. I normally went bare at home but I got this feeling that I may like them in winter.
I’d started on one of the learn to read books when an idea hit me. “Swift, could you help me with something? I want to write a letter.”
“Sure, John. Who to?”
“AJ. I want to invite her up here for a date.”
“John, is there a particular human custom on signing letters?”
“No, we do it pretty much the same way.”
“Then let’s read this one through and if you like it, we can sign it,” as she reaches into a drawer.
It was in the traditional form, which is to say rather flowery, and I liked it. We added a note at the bottom to suggest arrival on the noon train to spend the afternoon and evening in Canterlot with meals. Swift signed it with a rather complex mark I didn’t even understand and I signed with my normal signature which confused Swift. I bet AJ saves it for the novelty. The envelope was addressed and sealed to be turned over to the Company Clerk in the morning.
I made a lap. “Swift, baby, come over here, please. We have some things to talk about.”
She climbed up in my lap and leaned against me nosing and licking my chest. “Is this serious talk or is this fun talk?”
“Serious talk I’m afraid, at least for a while.”
“Well, I’m going to amuse myself while you think.” And she started lipping and pulling on my nipple.
“Darling, please remember we promised a Princess that we wouldn’t do that again.”
“I know that. But I want you well and truly teased when we get to where we can.”
Deep breaths. “O. Kay. We have some decisions to make if we are going to invite AJ in. AJ is a major shareholder in a big and profitable farm. The farm is her family so we can’t expect her to walk away from it. Neither can we expect her to allow it to be disbursed among our many foals. If we are going to expect AJ to contribute farm income to our band she has a right to expect us to contribute to the farm. But most of all, a strong Earth pony like AJ would go crazy sitting around while we spent our days on Guard business or traveled on assignment. We could move to AJ’s farm, and nothing would suit me better, but that would mean walking away from duty and maybe even Destiny. There will be lawyers before it is over but be thinking what you want and expect.
So we settled in for a few hours grooming. Logic tells me it must be part of my inner pony but I don’t care. Happiness is defined as carefully nibbling and licking my mare clean.
It was a normal morning right up until we walked in the cafeteria. Colt was waiting. As we ate I explained things to Colt.
“Colt, my mornings are my chance to be casual and normal. We are here this morning because my office is still under construction. When my office is done we will meet there.
What we are going to do is fix a problem with the Surgeons office. Their system for admitting ponies into the office for medical care is so broken that I was married between when I started signing in and when I saw the doctor.”
That had the effect of a small detonation. “Major John! You’re married! You and Captain Swift?”
“Well who better for a stallion have breakfast with than his mare? Now, what you are going to do is sit down with a nurse and this huge mass of forms they want everypony to fill out and reduce it something manageable using Terran methods that I will teach you. When we are done ponies will be able to get medical treatment in half the time. It will be tedious, boring work but when it is done it will save several pony lives a day for many years.
“Colt, It’s great to be the point pony. You get to be a hero smiting the evil whatever and capturing the hearts of mares everywhere. But the reality is that it takes fifty ponies working together to put that point pony out there. Somepony has to mine the ore for another pony to smelt for another pony to forge for the hero pony to carry. Several ponies will move the metal between each step. And several more feed all these ponies while they do their work. And make sure the right amount of the right metal is in the right place when it’s needed.
“We sing songs and tell stories about that hero but he’s really just the guy that was at the right place and time out of a thousand Guardsponies that did their duty and waited for destiny. There is courage in just showing up and doing your job without everypony telling you how wonderful you are. You will know what you accomplished and that must be enough.
“It makes me sound like a recruiter, doesn’t it? I’ll give you one final thought. This is exactly how I got where I am today. Ponies that get the job done are in demand everywhere.”
I won’t bore you with all the details. Colt buckled down and shocked the crap out of Doctor Red. It seems like medical school isn’t the only thing you need to keep ponies healthy. Swift and I got moved in. There were some ‘adjustments’ but we ended up in a nicely furnished apartment with a large common room, enough master bedroom for a bunch of ponies, two guest or whatever rooms, and a decent kitchen. We had an office adjoining with executive in back and secretary in front. The office had a separate hall door and side door from kitchen to back office. The kitchen also had a door opening on a large courtyard common to all of officers row.
Our wardrobe came, and came, and came. So did the books. It has taken many trips to town as we find one more thing we don’t have but we are getting a sweet life together. The courtyard hosts regular gatherings of off duty officers and we seem to be becoming popular there. Several stallions have asked for private advice on lovemaking and Swift tells me that some mares have done the same.
Letters have gone back and forth with AJ. We have understanding and acceptance that we can’t have a conventional marriage. If the guard and the farm weren’t enough of a conflict, we also have the Elements and my Destiny. But we agree that’s all the more reason we need foals to carry our heritage forward and foals need families. We’ll finally have that date soon.
I was waiting at the Canterlot Train Station, wearing one of my pretty uniforms, for the noon train. AJ was coming for our first date. We had decided to explore Canterlot for the afternoon and have dinner in town. The train was on time and there weren’t a lot of passengers so I didn’t have long to wait.
“AJ?” I did a double take. “Oh my, AJ. you must do this more often.”
AJ had released her mane from the usual ponytail to a flowing cloud of blond matched by her tail. In the fashion center of Equestria she is getting looks.
We strolled casually up the main boulevard into town taking in the atmosphere of bustling city. Ponies were waving at us as we passed some coming out of their homes and shops to watch us go by. I waved and nodded to them. AJ was awestruck.
“John, is it like this everywhere ya go?”
“First, it’s ‘we’ and second, no. Ponies are here because they want to part of something big and you can’t get much bigger than Royal. ‘We’, the Royal Guard staffer and gorgeous Element Bearer, are a single step removed from being a Royal. That’s twenty steps closer than most of them will ever get. When we recognize them we validate their dreams. It’s a small enough gift.
“Do they know about all the hard work, boring training, risk to life and limb, sacrifice of friends and family? Of course they do. And they are quite sure that if the opportunity ever arises, they will do all that for the cause of greatness.
“It’s not all bad. If I take off the uniform they will mostly respect my privacy even though I could never hide who I am. The exceptions are almost all foals. And it’s almost impossible for me to buy a beer. Somepony else always wants to pay for it. You could cover up your cutie mark and be incognito. But when you are attached to the Royal Court there is always an obligation to uphold the reputation and image.”
“Ah’ve just never thought about it, John. Every time Ah’ve been here we’ve traveled with an escort. It must be hard on Twilight.”
“It’s far worse for Twilight. As a Princess she can give ponies substantial gifts. Celestia and Luna have largely withdrawn into the Royal Residences after centuries of this pressure. It’s the same thing you hear about the farm, “You have so many apples it couldn’t hurt you to give me a couple of bushels . . . a week.” They just get it on a much grander scale.”
“John, Ah’m really developing a new appreciation for Ponyville.”
“Treasure it, AJ. This is what drove me to abandon the land of my birth. The small town lifestyle where everypony knows and respects everypony was rapidly being replaced by the ‘What’s in it for me’ lifestyle.
“But we have a far more pressing question right now, AJ. Did you eat on the train?”
“No, John, but Ah could eat right now if ya wanted to.”
“You see that pointy building right over there? That’s my favorite ‘Why not a Burger’, the perfect place for a snack.”
“They got hayburgers?”
“And more.”
“Let’s go.”
She had a hayburger with apple slices and tea. I had a chicken salad with tea. She didn’t blink when I started putting away the meat with great gusto. Plus two points.
After lunch we drifted through the market district. I spotted a florist and steered her in. We picked out some blossoms for her mane and a box to snack on later. There was art to be admired and art to be ridiculed. Mostly we talked about the small things like Terran crops versus Equestrian crops. As the sun was sneaking down to the horizon we found ourselves in front of Smoky’s Bar B Que. Smoky is big happy Earth pony with an amazing ability to smoke absolutely anything. Service is walk through the kitchen and point. Seating is bench and there is a half block line waiting to get in. That is unless you are somepony who has shared some human barbecue recipes with Smoky.
We had the stew. There were baby carrots, baby corn, squash, okra, butter beans, broccoli, and baby potatoes in a sweet sticky sauce. It was made to get messy with and AJ loved it.
We walked out under a bright moon and turned toward the Castle.
“John, the train is tha other way and we had better hurry if Ah want to make it.”
“Why do you want to catch the train? Is there something Big Mac can’t do on the farm?”
“No, but Ah don’t want ta come between you and Swift.”
“AJ, between me and Swift is exactly where we both want you.”
“But Ah don’t want ta interfere.”
“AJ, if you want to join this band, the first thing you need to do is to spend some family time with us and find out what we are really like.”
“John, isn’t this moving a little fast?”
“What, having a sleepover with friends? I thought you’d done that with Twilight and the rest.”
“But . . . “
“But nothing, AJ. It’s time to trust.”
“John, there are so many things Ah don’t know and thought Ah had more time to find out.”
“You have all of the time you need. Let us show you why. You have the ability. Use it. Ask me my intentions.”
She stopped and look directly at me. “No, John, Ah don’t need ta do that.”
Swift was sitting in the main room waiting for us. I left AJ with her and went to the bedroom to undress. I came back and settled down next to Swift pulling her against me. She nuzzled my chest and I kissed the top of her head.
“Darling, I took AJ to Smoky’s. I think she liked it.”
Swift smiled, “And I bet you got the stew.”
“Of course.”
“AJ, did he tell you that the stew was his recipe?”
AJ was looking a little shocked, “No.”
“It is. I told him he should hold out for a partnership but he’s happy with unlimited free food.”
AJ giggled, “Ah was wondering how he just walked in past a hundred ponies like he owned the place.”
“Swift my love, I think AJ has some questions.. Could you maybe help her out from the mare’s point of view?”
“Certainly. What do you want to know, AJ?”
A rather fidgety AJ replied, “Ah’m not sure how ta ask.”
It’s not easy to see red on orange but I was seeing it on AJ. “AJ, Swift and I are old troopers. We tend to be blunt and direct. Just say it.”
Swift jumped in, “John, let me. AJ, let me tell you what he’s like as a stallion. He’s big. He’s unbelievably strong. And he is the most patient gentle stallion you can imagine. You’ve been hearing stories, haven’t you?”
Damned. I hope AJ doesn’t catch the cushions on fire. She nods. “Some ponies like it wild and rough.”
Swift is grinning, “We like it wild, just not rough.”
AJ was confused again. “But what about all the screaming and banging?”
“Banging? I don’t remember any banging.”
“I was banging you.”
“Yes, but all that made was squishy noises.”
“True.”
“The screaming, on the other hand, was very true. We both did a lot of that.”
“Did it hurt that much?” AJ asked with concern.
We both started laughing heartily. “I’m sorry, AJ. It didn’t hurt at all. I was screaming because I wanted everypony in the castle to know that I had just bred my mare. I’m damned proud of it. That’s why I had to apologize in Royal Court a day later.”
“And that’s how we got this sweet new apartment. Celestia wanted us safely out of earshot,” Swift grinned.
“I guess it might have worked out different if I hadn’t left the balcony door open.”
Now AJ was giggling along with us.
“Seriously, AJ, my soul is pony but my body is still human and there are some differences. For example, I don’t flare. On the upside, I last a lot longer. And the doctor has determined that I am super fertile. But best of all, I have hands.”
Swift chimed in again, “He’s not kidding, AJ. Hands are wonderful. You can come over here right now and find out for yourself.”
AJ is looking a little red again.
“AJ, we are going to bed shortly. We wake at zero four hundred with the help of a rather obnoxious alarm clock. We have tea and toilet here then breakfast at the cafeteria. PT follows breakfast and the actual day starts around zero seven thirty. You can keep up with us or sleep in. You can stay the day if you wish. Or the week.
“There are two brand new guest rooms behind you but I meant exactly what I said about wanting you between Swift and I. You are invited to sleep there tonight.”
“I want you there too,” Swift chorused. “I need your help with this band.”
“Can Ah shower first?”
“Of course. Would you mind if we all shower together? It’s another of those wonderful hands things. You’ll love it,” Swift promises.
AJ was nervous at first and tried to keep Swift between us so I sat on the floor and Swift practically herded her into my arms. I lathered her neck and one side of her barrel before I had to stand to move around. She watched me but stood as I lathered her other side and mane. She took a step but stopped when I started on her tail.
After we rinsed and stepped out of the shower Swift tossed me a towel and I went to work on AJ and her mane. Swift brought me another towel as I picked up a brush and I began moving the brush and towel together down her mane.
Swift threw a towel over my back and said, “I’m telling you, AJ, he has a compulsion to take care of us. He can’t help himself.”
AJ wondered, “Is he like this all tha time?”
About then I raised AJ’s tail and went to work on it. She started.
Swift reassured her, “Don’t worry. He’s like a super big sister until you throw the Stallion switch. When you move in I’ll show where it is.”
“Swift darling, you do know I can hear you?”
“So?”
“So I know where all the mare buttons are.
“AJ, this is what married life is like in Equestria’s most exotic band.” I smiled at her.
We finished in the bathroom and I led the family to the bed, settling on the pad first. I motioned for AJ and she laid down in front of me in the little spoon. Swift laid in front of her and we all snuggled tighter. I felt the last of the tension drain from AJ as she nuzzled under my chin. I decided that this was a very good day as I faded into sleep.
When the alarm went off, AJ ‘kept up with us’ with little effort. Can ‘til can’t is a common farm schedule. I wanted her with us because I wanted to expose her to the family life of the Guard. If she joined us, she would be joining the Guard too.
Wanna guess who was waiting for us when we got to the cafeteria? “AJ, this Colonel Steel Will, my boss. Colonel, this is Applejack of Sweet Apple Acres.”
The Colonel stood and gestured, “Have a seat Ma’am. I must confess that I am here to meet you. Your family has been supplying us with apples since I was a raw recruit and we’ve never seen anything but the best. Thank you very much for that.”
“Are ya trying ta flatter me, Colonel?”
“Call me ‘Steel’. And only as much as you deserve.
“Major, why don’t you and the Captain go get the food while I entertain the Lady.”
I looked at AJ, “Any preferences?”
“Can I get a fruit salad with lots of apples?”
“Of course. We’ll be right back.”
I got three eggs with toast and apple slices in addition to AJ’s order. When we returned AJ was looking very serious.
“John, Steel has made me a very interesting offer. I won’t consider it unless both of you approve but I think we need to take a good look at it.”
Steel stepped in, “John, the Guard will do almost anything to accommodate a union between you and Applejack. You both deserve it and the Guard desperately needs more ponies like you. The first thing that comes to mind is building a facility in Ponyville for you to work out of and be able to go home to the farm at night. All of your foals will have Guard funded full scholarships waiting for them.”
“Steel, it’s not a done deal yet. We still have to go spend some time with her family. And we have to finalize some legal issues. But it looks more like fate every time I turn around.”
“Legal issues, John? The Guard has some very smart lawyers.”
“It’s not that level of problem. When you own a farm like AJ’s, you can’t let it fall into conventional patterns of inheritance. If you do, four generations later it will degenerate into a hundred zero point two percent undivided interests and be sold off to strangers. Nor can we simply disinherit foals. So we have to structure a system of trusts to own the assets of the family and protect everyone.”
A very satisfied looking Steel said, “It sounds to me like you are taking care of business in a proper and timely manner. Please notify me of the date of the ceremony. Miss Applejack, please allow me to extend all possible courtesy to you during your stay with the Guard today and in the future.”
As Steel walked out the door to his own day, AJ remarked, “Ah like him.”
We ate quietly and when we were done I laid out what AJ would see, “This is a piece of my magic and it is more than likely that any foal I sire will inherit it.”
AJ sat calmly and watched while I went through my usual routine with weights. Swift sat with her for most of the time. When we were done and showered I suggested, “I think it would be a good idea to visit Twilight next. We have been studying this and have some ideas.”
AJ was somber, “John, Ah knew you were ‘unusual’ but this is a little more than Ah expected. Could Ah have a foal that could literally hug my head off?”
“In a word, NO. The reason for the whole honeymoon debacle was that even though Swift and I were thoroughly married and much in lust, we didn’t until we had been in a lab with Twilight and Doctor Red. I had to be convinced that I wouldn’t accidentally hurt Swift. This is what Twilight will explain to you in detail. My kind of magic has a built in safety factor. I can’t hurt anypony without a full formulation of an intent to hurt.”
“Is she expecting us?”
“Yes. And AJ, be kind to her. She has a terrible case of parapraxis whenever this band is brought up.”
The doorpony let us right in. Twilight was seated downstairs this time looking quite scholarly and serious. “Hello, AJ, Swift, John. Since we are all here, can I assume that we are moving forward?”
I stepped up, “We’ve all been given a lot to think about this morning. Please forego all privacy considerations and give AJ as thorough and exact a truth about me as you can.”
Twilight looked to AJ, “What do you want to know?”
AJ thought a moment, “How dangerous is he, really.”
“To you? Not at all. In fact, you’re far safer with him than without him. I really wouldn’t want to be anypony caught trying to harm you or Swift, though.”
“What about his foals. Will they be as strong as he is?”
“Probably. A Unicorn foal might grow up to be as strong as Celestia.”
“And knowing all that ya know, if ya were me, would ya go through with it?”
“Yes I would, absolutely and unequivocally. By accident or by design, he is the best stallion in Equestria right now and you are at least a top ten mare.”
“Thank you, Twilight. He still has ta spend some time with the family but Granny is ready ta marry him herself after what he taught me about using trusts ta keep the farm intact and Big Mac liked him from day one. We’ll probably have the ceremony on the farm on the day the family officially approves.”
“Are you going to heartbond like Swift?”
“Yes. Do ya have any advice on a three way?”
“I don’t see any way to do it wrong. It’s basically a good cuddle with a special kind of oath and we all know how good he is with Oaths. Just focus on your love for each other and let ‘er rip.”
We sent AJ home on the noon train and hunkered down to wait for the lawyers to justify their fees. I had time to learn a lot about Equestria and Swift networked like a fool. It was a pleasant time with nights toggling between mad passion and sweet grooming.
Then ‘The Letter’ came. The papers were ready to sign. When could we be in Ponyville?
We rushed through PT the next morning and headed for the Clerks office. I was about halfway through filing out the leave request form when Colonel Steel opened the door and said, “Effective immediately, Major John and Captain Swift are granted one week leave for the express purpose of visiting Ponyville. Any additional time requested will be granted on a week by week basis.”
And we headed home to pack.
As the train pulled into the Ponyville station we grabbed our bags and prepared to debark. AJ had come to Canterlot for our first date so now we were going to her farm for the second and possibly final date. There had been much correspondence and legal negotiation in between but we were coming down to the finish line.
Swift’s saddle bags and my pack were loaded with gear and trail supplies. It was our plan to spend some time with the Apple family then camp in some isolated woods on the backside of the Apple farm. If we chose to go ahead the heartbonding would likely take place while we were camping. There was little chance that we would make it back through town without Pinkie throwing us a reception but that was the price of life in Ponyville.
I had hoped that AJ would meet us in town for lunch but the stationmaster had a note from her informing us that one of her wholesalers in Manehatten had filed for bankruptcy owing her for a year’s apples. It was show up and make a claim right now or forget about a year’s profits. She would be back in a couple of days. It wasn’t like Big Mac was a stranger and I would get a little extra time to play with Fred. And we had already waited months for this moment so an extra day or two wouldn’t matter.
Sugarcube Corner gave us a chance to eat and face Pinkie in one quick move. She seemed to accept that the date for the marriage wasn’t set yet but you can never be sure with Pinkie. A quick hike up the road brought us to the front gate of the Apple farm. Every field I could see had been plowed and was set up for planting in spring. That kinda disappointed me. I had wanted to try my back at pulling a plow. I had friends that did it and I never had.
Granny Smith was rocking on the porch. She motioned us to approach. “Put your stuff in the last room down the hall on the right. Bathroom’s across the hall. Big Mac is in the west 420.”
“Thank you, Ma’am.” We dropped our luggage in the bedroom and went looking for Big Mac.
As we crested the hill on the west road, we ran into a filly headed the other way. “Anypony with a mane that exact color has to be related to Big Mac,” Swift said.
“And being dead up in the middle of Sweet Apple Acres couldn’t possibly have anything to do with it?” she fired back.
So I picked it up, “I’ll bet it’s Apple Bloom.”
She looked at me and said, “And I’ll bet you’re that human trying to steal AJ.”
Uh oh. “You, my darling filly, are confused. AJ is trying to trap us on the farm.”
“Really?” apparently she likes that idea. “If you’re looking for Fred and Big Mac, they’re about two hundred and fifty yards that way.” pointing west on the road.
“Thank you, Milady.”
She went on her way giggling and we continued on ours.
Sure enough, just down the road and behind some trees was Big Mac and Fred plowing a field. ‘Plowing a field’, oh boy, I get to try it after all!
“Hello Fred. Hello Big Mac.”
They both shrugged out of the harness and came at a full gallop.
“Hey, John! AJ had ta go ta Manehatten. She’ll be back in two days.”
“Yeh, we got her note. We got a week and more for the asking. Did she tell you how the Guard feels about this whole thing?”
“Eeyup.”
“So we’re here for a vacation too. I’ve even been thinking about trying my shoulder against a plow.”
“So pick one, big stallion.”
I stripped my shirt off and passed it to Swift. “By the way, we ran into Apple Bloom on the way up here. She was mad at me for stealing AJ but I reassured her that AJ was actually trying to trap us on the farm. She liked that idea.”
“John, be careful. She can talk ponies into anything. You may find a bear trap in your bed tonight.” Big Mac warned.
“Okay. I’ll try your plow first.”
I trotted over to the single bottom plow Big Mac favored and shrugged myself into the harness. It fit fairly well. I took aim on the far side of the field and leaned into it. It was a soft bumpy trip because this was a second pass, made at an angle to the first. I was coming back when Big Mac shouted at me.
“Slow down, John. You’re throwing the dirt too far.”
So I stopped next to Fred’s three bottom plow and moved over into his harness.
It was a little big on me. But I wrapped my arms around the collar so it was against my upper arms and tightened up. I took a step but the dirt just moved back under my foot. I took a deep breath and concentrated, feeling my muscles and my strength flowing down my legs and into the ground. And just walked forward. It wasn’t hard, it felt good.
I’d made eight passes down the field and back when,
I laughed, “Fred, because I love you, I’m going to teach you a valuable lesson. On the strength of your evaluation of me as a ‘show off’, I am going to stop doing your work for you.
“Big Mac! What have you been teaching my horse? I’m shocked.”
Breakfast is apple fritters at six AM in the family kitchen. Granny might be old but she’s no slouch in the kitchen. I was extra hungry. Using my magic has that effect on me.
I quizzed Big Mac, “I’d like to find a good camping spot. We could set up and come back here for any work that needs doing. Where do you think we should start?
Big Mac thought for a moment, “From where we met yesterday, follow the fenceline north. In about six hundred yards you’ll cross a creek. Follow the creek east and you’ll find a clearing. It’s a pretty place.”
I got up and started gathering dishes when, “Don’t you touch that!” it was Granny. “I’ll say who touches my dishes and when!”
“Yes Ma’am.” Setting them carefully back on the table.
“Damned stallions. You gotta keep on top of them every minute.” Granny grumbled.
I looked at Big Mac. He shrugged, “Eeyup.”
We left a few clothes behind as we gathered our gear and slipped out the back door. It was a pleasant morning with just enough chill to be invigorating. I’ve got my mare by my side and we’re heading out to live wild and free for while. This is how life should be lived.
We followed Big Mac’s instructions and there it was, a little pocket pasture with the creek flowing through it and trees all around. This is where I could spend eternity with sweet grass, clear water, and protection from the miseries of the world.
I threw the pop tent and anchored it between two trees so we would have shelter if the weather turned but I left our sleeping pad in the open in front of it. Swift put our groceries in the tent to discourage curious critters and I stripped down to get in touch with my inner pony. We walked out into the grass and just grazed for a while. My neck didn’t let me graze like I wanted to but I could pick tender blades to chew as I stood beside my mare in our little domain.
I found a spot that looked oh so comfortable so I laid down and rolled. Of course I ended up with little bits of crushed grass all over me so Swift came over and started picking them off and eating them. I laid there and dozed in perfect contentment. After a bit I felt a push between my shoulders. “My turn lover,” Swift said. We traded places and after she had rolled, I picked.
Coming up on noon we decided to go back to the house and check in. I started back down the creek when Swift spoke up, “It really does feel like home, doesn’t it?”
I stopped, confused, “Well, yes, but why is that significant right now?”
“You haven’t put your pants back on.”
“Do I need them? The trail is clear.”
“What about Bloom?”
“She’s lived her whole life around Big Mac. I’m sure she’s seen balls before.”
“But Big Mac doesn’t walk around at half mast all the time.”
Oh. I had forgotten that. “You’re right. She needs some time to adjust to the human side.” So I went to the tent and put my cargo shorts on.
“Have you realized, John, that this is the first place where you have felt completely comfortable outside? I’m used to the fully natural you but it’s not something you show to many ponies.”
I thought on that as we walked along the fenceline. My inner pony was conflicted about hiding anything from ponies I called friend. When we passed the field where Fred and Big Mac were working, I noticed that the plows were standing alone. It was definitely lunch time when we got to the house.
Granny was on a tear, “Well now. You seem to have lost some of your clothes in the woods.”
“Granny, I don’t wear clothes at home. I lost all of them for a while.”
Granny eyeballed me carefully, “But you had to put some on to come here?”
“I almost forgot to but Swift reminded me that some of my human idiosyncrasies disturb ponies that are not used to them. If what you are asking is ‘does this feel like home to me?’ the answer is ‘Yes!’”
“Good, then you can wash the dishes.”
That’s Granny. The smallest and weakest in body and always in charge.
Swift put the dishes up after I washed and Bloom dried. Granny was impressed with how quickly hands could reduce a complex task to a completed job. After all was done we headed back up the road after Fred and Big Mac. I spelled both of them on a plow while Swift kept the cool water flowing. I just felt so right with the world working the land with my family. My inner pony was in heaven.
We were nearly done but it was time for dinner and, as it was explained to me, there was no ‘late for dinner’ with Granny. If you were late, there was no dinner. And that would have been truly sad. We had roasted corn, stewed carrots, garden salad, and extreme apple pie.
Granny put me on dish detail again but I made quick work of it. I told Big Mac that we were going to spend the night in the tent and would probably eat breakfast there then meet him and Fred in the field. He just grinned and nodded.
As we walked up the road toward the setting sun, side by side with my hand caressing my mare’s withers, I reflected on just how lucky I am.
As soon as we got to the tent I discarded my shorts. I wanted to be free! I had noticed the spot where we rolled earlier. Swift’s scent on it called me so went and rolled there again. I felt so good I jumped up and ran completely around the pasture, jumping the creek twice. When I got back to the spot, Swift was just getting up from rolling there. I flank bumped her as I galloped by, “Come on slowpoke. . .”
We galloped and jumped and bucked and just generally acted like a pair of foals around the little pasture as the sun went down. I noticed that Swift was getting a little winded so I bounced over to our pad and flopped down. She joined me in a few seconds.
“My wonderful, wonderful mare Swift, do we have to go back?”
“My magnificent stallion John, would you please refrain from reminding me for as long as you can.”
So we lay there and nuzzled and caressed as the full moon began to rise over us. A cool breeze blew through and I felt a slight chill.
“That wind is cold. I think I need a blanket.”
Swift started to get up but I grabbed her and pulled her to me.
“Where do you think you’re going, blanket?”
I rolled onto my back and draped her over my chest just like we were in the heartbonding. I felt our heart beating in two chests and smiled.
“Oh! You want to do it again!” and Swift started rubbing her cheek against my cheek.
“Yes, my beautiful sexy mare, I want to do it every chance I get!” and I felt a hint of the warmth between us. I rubbed back and kissed her neck.
“So do I, world’s sexiest stallion.” And she kissed me all the way to the back of my tongue.
I felt the warmth for sure now. I wrapped my arms around Swift. “I will never, ever let you go, mother of my foals.”
“Nor I, you, sire of my life” There was a glow around us now.
Swift began to slip down my chest, nuzzling into my chest hair. “This is my favorite other part of you. You almost have enough hair to make a coat here.” And she nipped my nipple.
I gasped and realized that the glow wasn’t all that was growing. Her tail was draped between my legs and my erection was expanding against the bare skin on the bottom of it. “My favorite part of you, right now, doesn’t have any hair on it.”
“What, do you imagine that you’re sneaking up on me down there” And she runs the bottom of her tongue round and round on my nipple.
My erection is lifting her tail now. “I see considerable up and down in your future.”
She slides farther down my body planting her hind legs beside my kidneys and rotating her rump as she moves back. I feel wet slickness between us. I bring my hands up and massage her barrel.
She gasps as my erection pokes solidly under her tail. “Getting closer!”
She raises on her hind legs and places her front hooves in my cupped hands. My erection slides down her soft heat until I feel her winking just below my glans. I grip her hooves to give her leverage as her lips suddenly pull open to admit my glans and she rocks back and down. I grunt and she squeals.
Swift bounces wildly up and down on me whinnying loudly as I just gasp and keep reaching up for her glorious depths. She is clamping on me hard enough to stretch me on the upstroke. This isn’t going to last long at all.
I’m beginning to buck up against her when she screams and pulls her hind legs up so she can grind herself into my crotch. I let go of her hooves and grab her barrel to hold her down as I buck up into her. My load surges up my shaft and into her glorious heat as my scream joins her’s.
And we are spent. I lower her limp form on to my chest as my limpness falls out of her. Our heart is still pounding and our glow is still there, now subdued but no less real. I lay there fascinated with love made visible. On the wind comes a high pitched whinny.
What is this? An intruder! I gently lay Swift beside me and kiss her forehead. Sitting up I look around. There it is again, west towards the fenceline. I stand and step slowly towards it. It’s clearer this time and I know it is calling me.
There is a shadow moving up beside the creek bed. I angle south to cut off any retreat to the woods. She calls again. Yes! Definitely a mare! I answer with a whinny of my own.
I move faster now, circling her. She whinnies again and I answer with some deep guttural grunts, proclaiming my masculinity. She freezes. I walk up to her stiff legged and tall. Her tail is waving wildly. Suddenly she squeals and bolts. I chase after her.
No matter which way she turns, I am in front of her. She is no match for my speed and strength and now she knows it. She stands wild eyed and trembling as a I walk up to tower over her. I nicker softly as a I sample her intoxicating breath. She is a beauty and her tail is straight up. I am dropping as I sniff her flank.
She stomps but I just flinch a little. She tries to pull her flank away from me but I throw my flank against her shoulder and knock her back around. I move her tail out of the way with my nose and sample her delicacy with my tongue. Raising my head, I close my nostrils and inhale across my tongue to directly assess this mare. She’s ready.
My erection stiffens as I hook my chin across her back and pull her to me. As her butt comes against my chest I lift and step forward. My erection increases to steel hardness and I begin to probe her hindquarters with it. She squeals and tries to wiggle but it’s too late. Her fate was sealed when she wandered into my pasture.
On the third probe I feel warm wetness gush over me so I step forward sliding up and into her. I move my front legs forward on her body and step forward again. This time I’m buried in her past my medial ridge. Rocking my hips while maintaining a firm hold on her barrel I make long thrusts. My head is over her shoulder and her hind legs have splayed out to give me the perfect angle to reach her full depth.
I feel myself begin to expand in her as she begins to spasm and contract. She is squealing and I am grunting as a tension builds. She pushes back against me and I feel a bump deep inside her. I quickly fit the socket in the front of my flare over it as the contents of my nuts surge down my shaft from my tail and into her precious heat. I pump and she spasms as we both sing out to the night sky.
It’s over. I’m going limp inside and outside of her. Slowly I slide back and on to my own four feet. She steps three steps forward and squats. Piss flows as I watch. No white. Good. None of my precious seed was wasted. She straightens up and walks away. I step forward and taste her sweet juices. File that under ‘My Second Mare’.
We walk shoulder to shoulder up the pasture toward the camp where My First Mare waits. As we approach, “That was quite loud, John.”
My Second Mare replies, “You should have felt it from this side. Wow!”
There is a meaning here but it eludes me.
“John? . . . . John? . . . .”
My First Mare walks up to me and stands with her hooves against my chest looking into my eyes. Stands up to reach my chest? I am vertical? And something snaps.
“Huh? What is going on?”
“Welcome back, John.”
“AJ?”
AJ looks hard at me, “If you tell me you don’t remember what just happened I’m going to kick you clean into the next century.”
“Don’t worry, AJ. I remember every magnificent second in glorious detail. That’s the problem. What I remember isn’t possible. Swift, hold it for a moment. AJ, what happened from your point of view?”
“I came up the fenceline while the sun was just barely still up. I saw you two bouncing around the pasture like foals and I just had to stop and watch. When you moved up by the tent I began to walk up the creek but the going was slow because the sun was down and the moon still low. Then you two began to glow. In a while you were glowing enough to make it easy to see what you were doing. You were getting noisy anyway and I didn’t want to interrupt. As the glow got brighter I realized that I was looking at love so strong it manifests in the physical world. It’s something that I dreamed about as a filly. My heart was crying out for that love so when you were done, I called softly to John.”
“How did you call me? By name?”
“I’m not sure. I was pretty emotional at that point. But after I called a few times he got up and started toward me. I watched him take every step but when he got to me he was a big pony stallion. I tried to run but there was no way. He herded me up and wore me down like it was nothing. He was bigger than Big Mac and had a will I couldn’t resist. He mounted me, fucked me for a couple of minutes, flared and we had the most incredible orgasm together.”
“That’s pretty much what I felt. I had four feet, a sheath, a flehmen, a flare, and a pure instinct to claim this mare that had wandered into my pasture. What did you see, Swift?”
“I was pretty much out of it after you orgasmed me to exhaustion. I woke at the sound of two ponies whinnying loudly. I looked around and saw a large moving shadow in the center of the pasture. It separated into two distinct shadows and they milled around for a few seconds then moved this way. As you approached I made out who you were.”
“That doesn’t give us much. I can only guess that my inner pony got out. We’ll have to talk with Twilight about this.”
AJ looked deadly serious, “John, if she threatens to cure you, tell me. I’ll stop her.”
I sat down and gestured for both mares to get comfortable in front of me. “AJ, are you ready to make it official?”
She smiled and said, “If we’re not married after that fucking you just put on me, I’m not sure what marriage is.”
“That’s what we are doing right now, AJ, detailing the marriage for you. Put your hoof on my chest until you can feel my heart and leave it there.”
“Okay, I feel it.”
Swift moved to lean against me.
“Now put your other hoof on Swift’s chest and feel her heart.
“Notice anything?”
“No matter how long I wait, your hearts always beat exactly together.”
“Not quite, AJ. There is only one heart there. We share it. That is the true meaning of the heartbond.”
“I thought that was just poetry.”
“Most ponies do, AJ. That’s why we’re having this conversation. There are some advantages. We always know where each other are. We can feel it. And it’s the basis of that glow you saw.”
“It’s what I was feeling when I was watching you, isn’t it?”
“If it is meant to be, you will be drawn to it.”
AJ looked thoughtful for a moment, “There’s no going back, is there?”
“Not once the bonding is done. If you have any misgivings we can wait and have a civil union for now.”
“No. I can feel your heart calling me. I couldn’t live knowing I had walked away from a love like this.”
“Then come with me.”
We walked over to where Swift and I had created a small hollow in the ground by rolling.
“I will be on bottom because I’m biggest. I want one of you on each side of me covering half of my chest.”
I laid down and spread my arms wide. Swift snuggled up on my left and AJ on the right.
I asked, “AJ, why are we here?”
She replied, “My heart needs to feel your heart.”
I felt the stirring. She began to rub one side of my face while Swift rubbed the other. They took turns kissing me as the glow brightened. I felt our heart stretching toward AJ. We could feel AJ’s heart beating. It was coming into alignment with our heart. The warmth was rising both on my cheeks and in our bodies. Suddenly Swift and AJ met on my mouth. We were locked in a three way kiss when AJ’s heart locked in and became one with ours. I wrapped them together with my arms and held us tight together as the glow enveloped all three of us. We laid there basking in the perfection of the moment.
We woke some time later. It was still dark as I carefully unwrapped from my mares. We all stood and stretched. I could feel AJ just like I felt Swift. It was wonderful.
AJ spoke first, “I can feel both of you! I can close my eyes and you are still there as surely as if I were staring at you in bright sun.”
Swift smiled, “Yeh, AJ, it’s pretty nice and it works no matter the distance. It’s simply impossible to ever be alone again.”
“My sweet mares, why don’t we ease back up to the camp. I am feeling like I could use a little food and drink.”
When we got there Swift headed into the tent for supplies and sat down on the pad with AJ next to me. I started grooming her mane. She closed her eyes and stretched across my lap.
Swift came back, “We have trail bars and apple cider.”
I took a long swig of the apple cider with one hand then offered it to AJ. She declined. I took a bite out of a trail bar and offered it to her. She took one too and sat there chewing as I continued to groom her mane with the other hand.
A few bites of trail bar later AJ looked at Swift, “Don’t let me monopolize John.”
Swift smiled back, “AJ, this is your honeymoon. It is my pleasure to see you enjoy yourself as much as I did on mine.”
I started working both hands down AJ’s neck, massaging as I went. She started melting on me so I pulled her up until she was sitting in my lap with her shoulder against my chest. I bent down and nibbled on her upper lip. She gasped and I went in with a full tongue kiss. She straightened up and kissed back. I put my hands behind her head and used my thumbs to massage the base of her ears as I continued to kiss her. She melted again so I eased forward and slid her off me and onto the pad keeping the kiss going. I was leaning over her now as she began to pant. I pulled back a little and lightly traced a nostril with my tongue.
Her eyes snapped open looking directly into mine. “I want you to know something. What we are doing now is the human way. Humans make an art of drawing out their lover’s pleasure. As you become accustomed to this way you will find ever greater heights of pleasure. I want you to look forward to this.”
In the background Swift spoke, “Listen to him, Honey, he means it.”
I felt our heart pound harder. AJ began tremble as I caressed her cheek. I began kissing and nibbling down her long equine neck while I dug my fingers into the base of her mane. She began arching and thrusting involuntarily so I slipped between her legs and let her grind into my belly. She abruptly clenched her hind legs around my back and hooked her front legs over my shoulders as she spasmed wildly through her first orgasm. I let her peak then set her softly back on the pad.
“That’s one, AJ.” And I began nibbling and snuffling her chest as my hands caressed both sides of her barrel. Our heart rate soared so I dropped directly to her teats. I sucked her nipple into my mouth and bit it hard enough to make it sting a little then I began twiddling it with my tongue. She screamed and began to buck wildly again. I was riding it out when she hooked her hind legs behind my head and began to grind herself on my face. I managed to stab her with my tongue several times and get a mouthful of her nectar but her clitoris eluded me. We rode her peak back down and paused for a moment.
“That’s two, AJ”
“I’m sorry, John. I didn’t mean to get all messy on you like that.”
“Really? Cause I did. And I’m going to do it again. By the way, I can actually taste the apples.”
This time I went straight for the clitoris, and got it. I licked it hard for several strokes and it poked out at me so I wrapped my lips around it and sucked. It was far enough in my mouth for some careful nibbles and tongue twiddles when AJ started humping again. I ran my tongue up her inner curve and into her tunnel just in time to receive a double mouthful of nectar. I had to come up for air and she took advantage to somehow get her hind legs under my arms and around my chest. She started jacking herself underneath me and down my body. When I raised myself on my arms to take some of the weight off of her, she slipped her front legs under my arms and wrapped them around my chest pulling herself against me. She kissed me as she ground her self against my crotch seeking my erection. Her ankles were digging in my back when I felt hot breath on my ear. She licked twice then bit. My erection went pop and she came down it with a vengeance. We both ground and thrust as she chewed on my ear until I pinned her to the pad, bellowed, and unloaded everything from my toes up into her.
“Uh, John. . . . Hey, John?”
“Wha?”
“You’re heavy, John.”
“Oh. . . .” And I raised up and rolled left.
“AJ, you are one damned hot mare.”
“Thank you, John. I have a great teacher.”
Abruptly we have applause from the sidelines. “Hey, you two are so good I got off way over here.”
It had been a night to remember. My band now had two mares and I had a rare aroma.
“Swift, it’s time for soap. Meet us in the creek.”
It wasn’t much of a body of water but it flowed and would cleanse us.
I stepped in and, “Oh! Shit! That’s cold.” Then I had an idea. My magic could make my body strong and it could make my body fast, could it make my body warm? I felt for my magic and thought about a pleasant warmth. It worked! I was standing in the creek and it felt quite comfortable.
Swift arrived with the soap and I started lathering. First myself, then AJ, and finally Swift with lots of scrubbing. We all rolled and splashed to rinse. We galloped to dry off. It wasn’t perfect but I wasn’t about to face Granny reeking of sex.
AJ was looking thoughtful, “John, you’re using our shared heart to gauge my response to your lovemaking, aren’t you.”
I smiled, “AJ, that is exactly what I love most about you. You are very, very far from stupid.”
She blushed a little, “Thank you, John. What I haven’t figured out is how you can stand there bare skinned in the cold water and wind and not shiver. I can feel it on my bare parts.”
“Your bare parts are all extra sensitive ones. And I have found a new way to use my magic.
“What do we have for breakfast? Or do you think we could make the house in time? For that matter, do they know you are out here, AJ?”
Swift replied, “We can open a bag of fruit or trail bars and we are standing in a sea of greens. I don’t care if we could make the house, I’d rather not see Granny or Bloom right now.”
AJ contributed, “I agree about the house. I’d rather have some work sweat on me when I see Granny. And I spoke to Big Mac only. When he told me where you had gone, I tried to catch up.”
“Okay. I’ve had trail bars so I’m going with the fruit.” It was unanimous.
When we got back to the field where Big Mac and Fred were working, they were already toiling away. Big Mac saw us first and came galloping toward us.
“Hello Brother and Sister in Law.”
I was curious, “Now how do you know if we went through with it?”
“John, do ya think Ah can’t recognize my own sister’s voice? You guys are loud. Ya might want ta watch ya’self around Granny.”
Oh. That again. “Is she that mad?”
“Na. She has plans for ya. She walked around all morning ‘Finally! A stallion that knows how ta make a mare squeal’.”
“Hello Fred. Yes, much happy.”
“We’re working on it, Fred.”
“Let me pull your plow for a while, Fred. I want to smell like work when I see Granny.”
Meanwhile Big Mac was quizzing AJ while Swift giggled.
I couldn’t resist, “Hey Big Mac. If you want secrets, you’re asking the wrong party.”
“Really?”
“Yes, for example, would you believe that your sister actually tastes like apples.”
Oh my. That may be a new record dark blush. “You wanted to know secrets, Big Mac.”
AJ was deadly serious, “John Sampson! Don’t ya dare.”
“AJ, he listened to all three of us last night. He knows.”
But Big Mac wasn’t done, “Actually, John, Ah heard four of ya. That’s what Ah was wondering about.”
“Don’t worry about it. My inner pony just got out for a romp with AJ.”
“Ya have an ‘inner pony’, John?”
“I’ve had him since my Oath but this is the first time he’s got out. Even so he is still me.”
“Ya are confusing, John.”
I got in a couple of hours taking turns on the plows while Swift and AJ cleaned a barn somewhere. We met back at the house for lunch. There was glazed carrots and corn pone bread with garden greens.
Granny started in almost as soon as we were seated. “I’ll be expecting foals next spring. This farm needs more ponies.”
Of course I got dish duty again.
The field work was finished and we had brought the plows back with us before lunch. Nothing else needed doing immediately so we decided to go shopping in Ponyville. I wanted to get Rarity working on a matching wardrobe for AJ. AJ wanted to get me the hat that I had been promised long ago. Swift just wanted to watch me trying to deal with Pinkie.
Rarity was almost too helpful. “Congratulations Darlings! Of course I know what John already has and I know AJ’s measurements so I can put together anything you want. I’ll even leave some extra in it to be let out.”
AJ had to ask, “Why would I need to let anything out?”
Rarity just smiled, “Honey, by this time next year you are going to be huge.”
My turn, “Rarity, that decision hasn’t been made yet. I don’t want her stuck in the castle and I haven’t been reassigned to Ponyville yet.”
“Well, you’ve still got a few weeks to get it together. Besides, she won’t need you after that first week.” Rarity chides.
I still don’t know if Rarity was serious.
House of Hats was our next stop. It was fascinating to me that ‘Stetson hat’ was a universal constant, but that didn’t mean that a store in Ponyville would necessarily stock my size. So we agreed on a color and style. My measurement was taken. And we were told to expect delivery in two weeks.
Then there was the third and final errand. It was better to face Pinkie with a united front at a time of our choosing than to have her ambush us one at a time. So Sugar Cube Corner was the last stop.
We settled at a table and Mrs. Cake immediately came bustling over.
“I’ve been hoping you three would come through here. Tell me now, are the stories true?”
AJ smiled and replied, “If tha stories have love and a happy band in them, yes.”
“Oh! Pinkie will be ecstatic.” Mrs. Cake squealed. “What do you want to eat?”
Swift went with a cinnamon roll and tea, I got blueberry muffins and tea, AJ wanted apple pie and tea. We had just started eating when a small tornado blew in.
“Oh Boy!Congratulations!We need a Party!Right Now!!” Confetti started flying (and getting into all our food) and balloons appeared. “It’s SOOoooo Wonderful!!!”
I ventured, “We think so. And Swift and I may, may, be moving back to Ponyville.”
“Yes!We will be so happy to have you here.We’ll throw you the biggest party yet!Where will you be living?”
“We don’t know yet. Possibly a new place. We don’t even know when, Pinkie.”
“Okee Dokee.Let me know when it’s time.” and the tornado moved on.
Dinner was a lot like lunch and breakfast was a lot like dinner and the rest of our week passed in a blur of familial love and grooming with a couple of trips to our pasture heaven. My inner pony was contented and quiet. But we had to strike camp and head back to Canterlot. Apple Bloom agreed to loan me AJ for a few days so AJ could come with us for a chance to get organized and legal with the Guard. And we owed some of our comrades a chance to get to know AJ.
The train car was empty except for us so we just piled and napped our way back to Canterlot. At the Palace gate I checked us in as the Major John Sampson band. That got some raised eyebrows and knowing smiles. I guess I just added a line to my legend.
There were two messages waiting. The Colonel wanted to see all of us at the first available regular office hour. And Princess Celestia wanted to see me in a private audience before the next regular public audience. There were several ‘regular office hours’ left in today and we wanted to see the clerk anyway so that’s where we went.
She announced us to the Colonel when we walked in the door. As we walked by she informed us that all the papers were ready and lacked only signature and date.
“Congratulations, Applejack, John, Swift. You presence is requested tomorrow from lunch until, in the Officer’s Garden for an informal welcome of Applejack to the Guard herd.”
AJ actually blushed, “Colonel, Ah’m honored. Just call me ‘AJ’.”
Steel smiled, “AJ, Outside of Royal Court, I’m always ‘Steel’ to you. You have papers to sign and an ID waiting for you. You are entitled to all food, shelter, medical care, and transportation that the Guard can offer in addition to the previously detailed benefits for your foals. I suspect that are already entitled as an Element Bearer but this lets you claim it without advertising as much. Because we are Princess Celestia’s personal Guard, it will get you similar consideration from any other Service or Agency. The Guard is a very large herd.
“Steel, there is one potential bump in that plan. I have a morning Audience with Celestia. I have no clue what She wants or how long I will be occupied.” I warned.
“John, She knows about this gathering and approved.”
“Okay, that works. By the way, we would like to spend the spring season on the farm. We don’t have to worry about noise complaints that way.”
Steel openly laughed at that. “You don’t know, John? Your apartment has permanent extra heavy duty noise canceling spells in the walls and self closers on the doors. We’re ready for you.”
AJ is laughing now, “I told you I liked him. Steel, you’ll be pleased to know that Granny Smith has approved of John based on him being ‘a stallion that knows how to make a mare squeal’.”
Time to change the subject, “Steel, do you happen to know if Twilight is available?”
“Not today but she will be there tomorrow at the gathering. That’s one of your beneficial side effects. We now have a Princess with an interest in the lives of her Guard ponies.”
We completed or business and went to our apartment for some quiet grooming and consideration of the day’s events. After dinner, we retired to the bedroom as one happy pony pile.
Morning was the usual zero four hundred start followed by breakfast but then I took a different turn.
“I’m going to skip PT today. I feel like between pulling a plow and all the horizontal calisthenics, I’m in good enough shape to skip one. Instead I’m going to Royal Court. I might get to say hello to Luna but at least I’ll be early enough for ‘before regular public audience’.”
I walked into the Throne Room just in time to see Luna rising from Her Throne.
As She spotted me, “John Sampson, come and walk with me.”
I followed her up some stairs and out on to a balcony.
“Thou art timely. The hour is here for me to lower My Moon and My Sister to raise Her Sun. Stand and watch.”
I am used to magic auras but this is something different. A column of magic so dense it looked like a solid deep blue bar emanated from Her horn and cradled the Moon. As She lowered the Moon below the horizon, became aware of an equally solid golden column rising from the other end of the balcony. Celestia was raising Her Sun. It’s an interesting feeling to have your nose rubbed in the fact that some of your friends are a literal force of nature. It kinda puts your own ‘supper powers’ in perspective.
Celestia called, “Hail Sister. May I borrow your human pony for a while?”
Luna smiled at me and replied, “If thou promises to take good care of him.”
So I went with Celestia down some stairs and a hall to an ordinary kitchen.
“Have a seat, John. We are here today to talk as a mare concerned about her protege and adopted filly and a potential suitor.”
“Your Majesty . . .”
“Forget the Throne. This is Celestia the mare speaking to John the stallion.”
“Celestia, I am planning to speak with Twilight today. I have a magic problem I need her advice on. I also want to find a private way to speak with her about our relationship. I know she has a crush on me and I know that it is for the wrong reasons.”
“So what do you intend to do about it, John?”
“I have previously told her that I could refuse to spend time with her because it would be harmful for her. She has never questioned my judgment in the matter, but she has made it abundantly obvious that she wants to join my band. She’s reflexively stood for me a couple of times.”
“She has asked me for advice. I have yet to answer her. I could deny her permission and relieve you of this burden.”
“I have thought of asking you for exactly that but there are other considerations. A foal out of Twilight by me would become an awesome pony and she could have that by invoking Royal Privilege. Would I be doing Equestria a disservice by refusing?
“There is another possibility. I could invoke Royal Privilege myself and simply outrank her. Luna and I have discussed which of us should be first covered by you.”
“Celestia, I would be honored beyond all imagination but I would beg you not to ask me to neglect my bonded mares.”
“Of course not, John. You would all simply move into Royal Quarters for a week or so. Regardless of the size of my horn or title, my body is a normal pony mare. The four of us could keep the castle entertained for a week.”
“Can I break this to my mares gently? We were planning to spend the season on AJ’s farm, lost in the woods.”
“This is just speculation at this point. Think about the possibilities and get back with me. Meanwhile, we should move to the Throne Room where my first official act of the day will be an assignment for you.”
We walked to Celestia’s Throne. She ascended and took Her seat there. I bowed and spoke, “Major John Sampson reporting, Your Majesty.”
“Major, we require your advice. A project has been proposed to build a direct rail line from Baltimare to Fillydephia. It could save a lot of time traveling between the cities and allow easy access to the coast. The Royal Treasury would finance this project. We wish to be sure this money is wisely spent. You will be summoned when the proposal is weighed in Royal Court. There will be at least a week to study it.”
A large binder next to Celestia’s Throne floated to me and I captured it in my hands.
Celestia spoke again, “Go, Major John Sampson and do whatever is needed to give me an accurate appraisal.”
I walked absently to my office thinking about almost everything but the proposal.
Swift was at her desk sorting mail. I went by and dropped the binder on my desk.
“We have our first official assignment. It looks boring but I have a feeling that it’s not going to be. But first we have a band problem to consider.”
I went through to the kitchen and found AJ hard at work. Swift was right behind me.
“AJ, Celestia has given me an assignment. Swift will help me with it and there is very small chance that we may go to Fillydelphia. But there is also something concerning all of us and we must keep it absolutely confidential.
I know you have noticed that Twilight has a thing for me and that I don’t approve. The spring season is bringing it to a head. She has asked Celestia about joining our band or invoking Royal Privilege. I want your opinions and ideas. Am I overreacting? Could we make a go of it together? How would you feel if she demanded that I service her. Could you live with the consequences if I refused?”
AJ spoke first, “John, you will always have a place on the farm. That is a given. I know that Twilight has magic but I have stood up to her before. IF she did invoke Royal Privilege to take you from me I would fight the Guard and Celestia Herself to stop her. But I can’t see that happening. And too many ponies from Steel to Celestia are just too smart to allow it.
Swift agreed, “What she said. And I think Twilight is more mature than you give her credit for. It’s her way to speculate wildly but she always comes back to sensible in the end. We could make it work but right now isn’t the time for it.”
I nodded at AJ, “You are spot on, AJ. Celestia has offered us three options. First, She will do nothing unless a major disaster erupts. Second, She can forbid Twilight to have any relationship with us beyond the professional. And third, She could invoke the Royal Privilege Herself and simply outrank Twilight.”
Swift was the first to recover, “John, you know that I don’t think that now is the time for a foal. And that I have sworn to give everything for Celestia. So doing without you for a week wouldn’t be the end of the world for me as long as I had you for the other fifty one weeks. But I would much prefer the second option.”
AJ was uncertain, “I’ll prefer the second option too but I have to admit that being chosen by Celestia Herself is a high honor. Is there an intermediate choice?”
Damned AJ is good, “Now that you have had a chance to experience the shock like I did, let me tell you what some of that really means. The only way Twilight would be allowed to exercise her Royal Privilege is to join us as a band for the week. She could compel us to let her in but she couldn’t take anypony’s band rights away. In the end, she can’t force me to have an erection so there are limits.
“What Celestia is offering is far more interesting. Basically, we have a standing invitation, as a band, to spend the week with Her or Luna in the Royal Quarters where they will use their magic to make sure everypony has the best possible experience. I get a strong impression that the Sisters plan to alternate bearing foals so there is no chance of a Royal Duty being neglected.
“Right now this is all speculation, Celestia’s very words. We are to consider our feelings and options. Our personal choices will be respected but this is a larger concern than just one band or just one season. Apparently my balls have become an Equestrian national resource.”
Celestia was falling off her chair laughing, “Oh, John. Even the youngest Equestrian born stallion with his balls just dropped would have recognized what was going on. But my super stud had never seen a pony estrus and didn’t know. That’s what mares do before their season. They start gathering stallions and making sure that they have the best sire available ready to cover them.”
“Ya don’t say. Really? You know, you could have said then and saved me a lot of paranoia and soul searching.”
“What, and lose my chance at a super stud? Never going to happen. I am a super mare, you know.
I glanced through the binder. It seemed a pretty ordinary grant request with lots of documentation and detailed studies. But my stomach was on the clock and reminded me that there was a gathering I couldn’t miss.
I collected my band and opened the door from the kitchen to the courtyard. There were already tables set up and a few ponies stirring. AJ said, “Come here you two.” and gave us two apple pies each. We located the dessert table and set them down.
Steel came over to see what was going on and exclaimed, “What are you doing? This is your party, AJ.”
“Steel, this is Applejack of the Apple herd on the Sweet Apple Acres farm, developers and growers of the finest Apples in all of Equestria. You are not going to get her near a crowd without showing off her apples. Just accept that.” I explained.
That got several laughs. I got a beer and found a place to sit. Steel joined me.
“Steel, I have a powerful need for some stallion advice. Sometime soon we might slip into my office for a private moment or two.”
“John, I simply cannot believe that you would have any sort of stallion problem. Let’s get a spare beer and go there right now. This has got to be one for the record books.”
So we did and did and after I made sure the doors were locked we settled in for discussion.
“Steel, this must remain absolutely confidential. I mean burn before reading secret.”
“Now you are worrying me, John. Yes I will keep your secrets. No matter how serious the failing.”
“Oh, Steel, would that it was a failing. That private audience with Celestia this morning, it was regarding Royal Privilege.”
Steel stood and came over to me. “John! Let me be the first to hoof bump you. That’s great. . . . Isn’t it?”
Something in my face must have clued him.
“John, which one is it?”
“Twilight. The problem is that it’s my technology that turns her on, not me or my love.”
“So? She has done a pretty good job of bringing up Spike. You know she has raised him from an egg, right? And any foal sired by you out of the strongest magician of our time will be incredible. I’ll even bet good money that your mares will deliver you to her if requested.”
“Actually, she would have to share me with them. It’s in the modern rules. We would probably just move in with her for the week.”
“John, you know that there are a lot of spells? Stamina spells. Enhancement spells. Fertility spells. Anti-fertility spells. And Twilight knows every single one of them. You have just been offered every stallion’s dream of heaven. The only possible way it could get better is if Luna or Celestia made it.”
“I know all that but I have some misgivings. She wants more and not sure I can just walk away from a foal. I would really like to talk to Shining Armor about life as a Consort but I can’t see traveling halfway across the world to do it.”
Steel grinned big, “Well me laddie, you are in luck. In a couple of weeks Cadance will be here preparing for heat week. Where Cadance goes, Shining Armor goes. Do you think you can control yourself until then?”
“Hey, is it my fault the mare goes into standing heat looking at me?”
“Are you serious, John?”
“Twice now.”
“I’ll make sure Shining sees you as soon as he gets here. By the way, you know that Shining is Twilight’s big brother, right?”
When we got back outside Twilight was there and getting lost in apple pie. I mingled a while and told jokes universal to Services everywhere. Finally, I got a moment with Twilight.
“Twilight, could you spare me a moment? I have a question or three and we could step into my office for some private time to discuss it.”
“Sure, John. Though if it gets too complicated we may have to continue it tomorrow.”
“Not a problem. Follow me.”
She got comfortable and I closed the door.
“Has AJ mentioned her experience with my alter ego?”
“She said something about your ‘inner pony’ but seemed unable to go into detail.”
“I’ve had my ‘inner pony’ since my Oath. He seems to be getting stronger but so am I. I’ve found I can use my magic in some interesting ways like keeping warm and I have become very pony in some respects. I loved pulling a plow on AJ’s farm. My greatest happiness is grooming my mares. I don’t get sexually stimulated in situations that would drive a human wild. And then a shrill whinny in the night drove me to capture and cover AJ. It would have been simple enough to explain but I had a sheath and a flare. I flehmened. I had four hooves. And AJ felt all of these things just like I did. But it was still me. I lasted for a human length of time and I have the memories to prove it. Explanations?”
Twilight took a deep breath then, “The obvious explanation is that as you increasingly apply your magic to your body, your subconscious gains similar access. If you learn to control it, you could become the foundation of another tribe. Or you could just be creating a really good illusion. I don’t any way to know that answer without actually watching you do it.”
“Twilight, it wouldn’t bother me a bit to move into the pony body and stay there. He’s quite a stallion. But when I was him, I was much more instinctual. My intellect was mostly just along for the ride. That worries me.”
“John, I’d still need to either observe him directly or have full access into your mind to find him.”
“You know I can’t do that, Twilight. You’ve only seen the smallest hint of some of the demons that live in there and it freaked you out. I will not be an agent of harm to you.
“On a related note, I have been told that you want something from me. You will only get it with my consent. To obtain my consent you must ask explicitly and offer terms. Ask AJ to detail the kind of agreement that we have and take it as an example. Don’t waste too much time though.”
“John, what are you suggesting?”
“Do you want a foal?”
“I want you, John.”
“No you don’t. You want my database. You can’t have it. You could have a foal.”
“Are you offering me a place in your band?”
“No. You can have complete friendship with loyalty. You can have inheritance. You can have economic merger. And you can have foals. You cannot have the band.”
Dammit. She’s going to cry.
“Could I ever have a chance? Is there something I could do?”
“No. I am very sorry but a choice I made has closed that door forever.”
Yep, waterworks fully engaged. And I’m a sucker for it. So I pick her up and sit back on my beanbag with her wrapped in my arms and bawling on my shoulder. We rock for a while.
“John, why not?”
“Twilight, put your ear against my chest and tell me what you hear. I’ll give you a clue, the doctor heard it.”
“I know you are heartbonded, John.”
“Good. Now how many mares do you think I could support?”
“I don’t know that there is a theoretical limit. Practically, with a few other stallions to help, about forty or fifty.”
“I calculated thirty. But remember that all my band heartbonds. Now, Twilight, how long do Alicorns live?”
“Alicorns are functionally immortal.”
“So you want to go through eternity with twenty nine thirtieths of your heart ripped out by the roots?”
Waterworks into hyperdrive. It took a while this time.
“I’m sorry Twilight. So very, very sorry. All I can do is seek a solution. I will for as long as I am able.”
“Thank you, John. I was so focused on what I wanted that I never thought it through.”
“Twilight, I’m sorry. . . .”
“No, John. I’m an Alicorn. It’s my fate. I will talk to AJ about contracts and foals. It may not be this year but some day I will bear your foals. You are far too great a stallion to leave unused.
The afternoon was a success. AJ’s pies drew comments both for their quality and her generosity. Everypony at least stopped in to say hello. And I got some important business done. So why do I feel like stepped on shit?
We had made it to the bedroom and were piled on the pad but I wasn’t resting. AJ and Swift both knew something was wrong and were holding me close.
I was looking for some comfort, “AJ, Twilight is going to talk to you about our trust and foals. I have decided that she can have a foal whenever she wants one if she will set up something legal to give the foal our name and heritage. She has accepted this after I explained why she can never be a member of our band. That’s what we were doing this afternoon. She cried a lot.”
Swift squeezed me, “We noticed that she looked somber after talking to you. I told several mares that you had been on Celestia’s business earlier and that this was probably related.
“Oh, Swift, my intuitive wonder, you are exactly right. But it makes it no less painful.”
“Can you tell us, John?” Swift asked.
“Sure. There’s nothing secret about it and you need to know. Just don’t blame me if you cry.
We heartbond. It’s the strength of our band. Have you thought about what is going to be like when one of us dies? When we have a part of our own heart ripped out by the roots?”
AJ spoke up, “But we know the bond will still be there when we get to the other side of death. We will be reunited in time.”
“AJ. Swift. Twilight is an Alicorn. How long do Alicorns live? Right. Joining our band would be condemning Twilight to an eternity of pain after we ripped out part of her heart and moved on.”
We all cried ourselves to sleep that night.
I decided to speak with Luna instead of PT in the morning. Two days in a row isn’t ideal but we were on a deadline. My timing was, again, perfect and I joined the sisters on their balcony again. When it was done Celestia asked, “Do you have news for me, John?”
I replied, “I’m here primarily for Luna’s expertise but you should know that the issue with Twilight is fully resolved. I have told her how to have foals without invoking Royal Privilege and why she can never be a part of our band. She is not happy but she is in agreement. She could probably use some consoling.”
Luna looked directly at me, “Thou art a wonder to me, John Sampson. A stallion dictating the affairs of a Princess is unheard of.”
“Show me a private place and I will explain.”
So we went down the stairs and two halls to a sitting room that I suspect is part of Luna’s private quarters.
When were seated Luna leaned toward me and dialed up the Royal focus, “Tell me, John, how dost it come to pass that thou hast refused a Princess Her due.”
“Luna, I came here to ask you to examine my soul. Please look as deeply as you dare. I refused Twilight’s request to join our band and I would refuse you or Celestia just the same. Neither my desire nor yours has any relevance in this. We are heartbonded. I could not condemn anypony, much less one I loved, to an eternity of loss when we all died and She didn’t.”
I do believe I see a tear forming.
“Luna, you have my friendship, my loyalty, and my love. I will give you foals for no more than an agreement to give them their heritage. You are welcome among us at will or we would come here just to be social with you. All is yours for a simple asking, except our heart. We would deny you that not for any reason but your own sanity.”
The focus is gone but the tear is definitely there. So I move to sit next to her and offer my shoulder. She grabs me with an unexpected strength and I feel a small sob pass. All I can do is hold her and wait.
“John, it hast been many generations of ponies since I have felt the embrace of a stallion as anything but a living dildo. Thank you. I may send for thou some day but it must be done with the utmost discretion. All of my other ponies worship me and I cannot break that mystique.
But thy came here with a problem of thine own. What be it?”
“I have an alter ego. I call him my inner pony. He’s been there since my Oath and I feel his influence in my daily life. This isn’t a bad thing. I feel and act more pony than human in many respects. Sometimes I have to consciously invoke my human nature. None of these are bad things. But while we were camping on AJ’s farm, he got out and took control. My intellect was an observer while he chased down and covered AJ in an instinctual manner. The strange part is that I was physically a full pony. I had all the physical attributes of a pony stallion right down to four hooves. AJ verified every one of them. I need to know just what he is and if I can control him. My hope is that you could put me in touch with him in a dream. And Luna, my band knows I came here to explore my dreams. We have time for some grooming afterward.”
“Lay back and make thyself comfortable, John.”
I did and She touched Her horn lightly to my forehead. Then She stepped back, “Where should we look for thy other self?”
We were in the same room but there was a difference. Then I realized that there were no shadows. I was dreaming. “Perhaps the last place that I saw him, the hidden pasture on Aj’s farm.”
“Picture it for me.”
The world rippled and flowed and we were there.
Call thy inner pony.”
I whinnied and looked around. I whinnied again and got an answer. He stepped out of the wood right behind where our tent had been. I had never looked at him before and AJ had only seen him in a dark night. In the daylight I recognized him instantly. “Fred?”
“What in the hell are you doing here, Fred?”
“You are helping me? How?”
A long and complicated conversation followed. Getting complex ideas into one word sentences isn’t easy. The short of it is that when I took my Oath and declared my desire to be a pony Fred was already linked to me and decided to help. My ‘inner pony’ was an image of Fred given to me as a pattern for my pony self. Fred was helping me by demonstrating equine ways using the Fred pattern. At the same time he was tapping my knowledge of verbal thinking and memories to help him understand ponies and communicate with me. It is a damned clever use of a limited resource and beneficial to both of us. But our direct conversation had to end.
“Okay, Fred. Thank you and please do this again.”
“He’s awake now. That was a very interesting discussion, John.”
“Yes it was. Luna, while we are here I would like to try something. Would you mind a bit of grooming?”
“Not at all, John.”
Her mane is like liquid magic. I don’t know what I could do with it but when I feel for the neck, it’s solid. Starting at the base of Her ears, I scratch and massage with my fingers along the base of Her mane. About a third of the way down Her neck She suddenly leans into me and starts chewing. I put both hands on that spot and She leans harder and begins to moan.
I massaged my way down both sides of Her neck. When I get to Her withers, I feel Her breath on the back of my neck. She begins grooming me one hair at a time. I started on Her back but I ran into Her wings.
“Luna?”
“Uhmmm”
“I’ve never had to deal with wings before. You’ll have to tell me how.”
“Just be sure each feather is clean and in line with the others. Thou can’t do any harm to me so try what ye will.”
I don’t how long we spent in that place because dreams are timeless but my body eventually made a tea related demand on me.
When I returned She was smiling. “That was a great gift, John Sampson. May I call on thou in thy dreams from time to time?”
“Of course. That was the intent behind this little experiment. This makes discretion much simpler. Remember that I cannot lie to my mares but I am sure they would never begrudge either of us a sweet dream.”
I took the binder apart and began to break the proposal into manageable chunks. When I had the whole of a piece, I gave questions from it to Swift for research. We exercised some Pegusi couriers for several days but the picture began to come together. There was a clear pattern of waste. I couldn’t prove that anypony was anything but careless or ignorant but I could prove that millions of wasted bits would invariably fall into the same small group of pockets. I made a list. I double checked everything on it. Then I told Swift to get me an appointment with Celestia.
She sent word that She would see me when I could get there.
We were in her private office.
“How bad is it, John?”
“It’s mildly brilliant. It will generate a boom in the region and many millions of bits will be made. And almost all of them will end up in the same few pockets.”
“Are you saying there is something wrong with the proposal?”
“There is nothing illegal about it at all. It’s just bad management practices that waste bits by the bushel. The clever part is that all of the wasted bits wind up in the same pockets over and over again. Herd A will build housing for workers in Baltimare because all of the buildings close enough are under contract to herd B and not available. The buildings are empty but nopony can force the lessee to let somepony else use them. Herd B is building housing in Fillydelphia because the herd A is leasing in Fillydelphia.
Hundreds of wagons are being purchased to haul material parallel to the existing railroad. As a part of the project is completed all of the wagons are auctioned off in the manner normal for surplus government property. Except the auction is being held on the construction site in the middle of nowhere. Expect to get about two bits per wagon. Then more wagons will be purchased for the next phase of construction at a bid price of twelve hundred bits each. Purchased from one of those same herds, who has no stock of new wagons nor source to obtain them in time for the contract.
This pattern repeats itself throughout the project. And when the project is over those same herds will be able to exercise dirt cheap options on most of the suddenly prime real estate along the new rail line, probably with the money that ‘fell’ out of the project. I can’t tell you which individuals are behind it nor can I prove that they are anything worse than stupid. I can guarantee you that you can see them from your balcony.
Here is a list of the things that can be fixed with ‘best management practices’. It should save you several million bits.
A day went by then I got a message to appear before Royal Court in the morning. I went at my now usual zero six hundred. The Throne Room was empty except for a Guardpony who told me that the Princess was waiting for me on the balcony. I knew the route so up I went.
Celestia was waiting. “Hello John Sampson. You told me that I could see the source of my problem from my balcony. I want to share that view with you. That cluster of large houses over there surrounded by the high black wall is it. The herds behind that proposal and a number of similar projects are all headquartered right there. They have a lot of names but their common face is Prince Blueblood. He’ll be in Court today to hear my refusal of their proposal. He is irritating and obnoxious but don’t underestimate him. He doesn’t get his own hooves dirty but he will direct those that do.
“Publicly these herds are the great philanthropists of Equestria. They ‘selflessly’ sponsor great works like bridges and railroads for the good of all. I have long known that after each great project their wealth and influence increases without obvious means. You have shown me the means. They are not going to love you for this. Expect dirty tricks and malicious rumors. They will do anything to discredit you because they will know that as long as you are my adviser, their income will be sharply reduced. Your biggest advantage will be your lack of a history. We know exactly when you began your life in Equestria. That will make it hard to dig up ‘witnesses’ to your previous ‘malfeasance’.
“You will stand next to my throne. I will ask you to speak if it is required. Do not reply to anything, even if directly addressed to you, by anypony other than me. I doubt this will take more than a few minutes. The reaction will come later, after he has received instructions from his superiors.
“Now, John, we have a few minutes. Tell me more about Twilight.”
“Celestia, I tried to simply discourage her but she is one very determined pony. I talked to Steel for a stallion’s point of view and he told me what an idiot I was for even thinking of turning her down. All she has to do is agree to give the foal my name as sire and my heritage and she can have the cover. But regarding her desire to join our band, I finally explained to her in blunt terms what life would be like for a heartbonded Alicorn and refused to allow her to be treated that way. We had a long hard cry afterwards.”
Celestia looked hard at me. “’We’, John?”
“We. I tried to be strong for her while she was there but the entire band cried ourselves to sleep that night in sympathy for her. She is and will always be a friend. She can sleep over, socialize, enjoy wild and crazy sex, go on adventures, whatever. She just has to leave before it becomes dangerous for her. I have misgivings about the risks but AJ and Swift are confident they can manage them. So I will leave mare matters to the mares.”
“I am very pleased, John. I want to thank you for taking care of my Twilight.
“The time for Court is approaching. Shall we go down and meet our ponies?”
It was interesting to see Court from the other side. We went across before we went down this time. That brought us into some offices on the same floor as the Throne Room. Celestia picked up her regalia and I was inspected. A Guardpony brought a list of everyone waiting for Audience. Celestia checked them off and issued instructions for a few of them.
Celestia turned my way, “You’re in luck, John. No ambassadors have shown up so Blueblood is first. You can leave as soon as he is dismissed. Or you can move to the spectators seats and watch the show. It’s a normal mixed lot today.”
We walked into the Throne Room and Celestia took Her Throne. I took my place at Her left and the doors opened. A white impeccably groomed Unicorn pranced in with a mildly drab entourage in tow.
He bowed in front of Celestia, “Good Morning Your Majesty. I believe you are ready to approve our grant proposal.”
This boy may have cornered the market on arrogance.
Celestia smiled sweetly at him, “Why of course, my dear Prince, just as soon as we have corrected some minor errors in the transcript that I received.”
“There were errors? I’ll have a clerk’s hide for this!” Blueblood looked annoyed.
Celestia was helpful, “Here’s a list of the errors,” floating an ornate copy of my list to him.
He caught it and held it in front of his eyes. And flipped a page. And flipped another page, scowling a little deeper with each page. Then he went all the way to the back page and looked at the number.
“That’s quite a list, Your Majesty. And I have to have my engineers sign off on some of these changes.”
Celestia is smiling even bigger now, “That’s not a problem, Prince. Take your time. In fact, my staff will be glad to proofread your amended proposal for you.”
He spun and charged for the door scattering his entourage.
Celestia dripped sweetness, “Have a nice day, Prince.”
I didn’t roll on the floor but I did make a note to stay on Celestia’s good side.
I stayed for a few of the following Audiences. Mostly they were regular merchant ponies getting approval for contracts to supply various goods and services to Royal agencies. After a while I left and went to the Colonel’s office to catch him up on recent developments.
Steel was in and waiting. After the door was closed, “Hello there John. How did this morning’s Audience go?”
“Did you know that Celestia has a dark side? She positively enjoyed tormenting Blueblood.”
Steel laughed, “Blueblood is directly related to Celestia, to about the same degree as a thousand other ponies. The difference is that he thinks it makes him Her equal and superior to everypony else. She despises him but needs to tolerate him as a handle on the Noble Herds.”
“Well, I just chopped down their money tree. They’ve been getting millions of bits in graft from each of their ‘philanthropies’ up until now. That’s what I’ve been doing for the last week, documenting how they steal. Celestia just handed him a list of ‘errors’ to be corrected. It won’t take them too long to connect all the inquiries into their properties and contracts to me. Life may get interesting after that.”
“You know I’ve got your back, John, but I can’t see them getting too rude with a Guard staffer. They can trash your public image but it won’t change a thing inside the Castle. Celestia will stand against it anyway. Any kind of physical attack would bring the entire Service herd down on them with a vengeance.”
“You’re warned and I’m alert. There’s not much else to do. I do have good news, though. The Twilight issue is fully resolved complete with Celestia’s blessing. She may visit and do anything but stay. The details are being handled by the mares.”
“That’s good, John. Shining will be here in three days anyway. Do you still need to see him?”
“Yes, I do. It’s just not quite as urgent now. And Steel, there’s something I have been wondering about. I know you are busy but you always seem to waiting for me to show up. How do you do it?”
“It’s horn, John. Why do you think so many administrators are Unicorns? Many of us have a talent for knowing when and where to be. It takes some training and development but you can see how it would be useful.”
It was several quiet days since Prince Blueblood’s disappointment. AJ had gone back to the farm to get spring planting underway. Swift and I had settled back into our old routine. I did manage some time with Luna and Fred. Fred doesn’t sleep for much more than an hour at a time but dream time isn’t one to one with world time. He taught me some things about moving on four feet and operating an equine body. Luna and I shared some sweet grooming and She fell asleep with Her head in my lap. I was concerned about the paradox of the Princess of dreams dreaming in my dream but she woke with a smile and everything was all right.
An orderly appeared in my office around mid morning. My presence was required in the Colonel’s office right away.
When I walked in, there was a large grey Unicorn sitting with him. “Major John Sampson, this is Captain Shining Armor.”
We hoofbumped and exchanged pleasantries.
“Major, we are coming up on the Spring Fling shortly. It’s had many names but it really is a tradition that goes back as far as the Tribes. It’s the last chance for any unattached ponies to find company before the spring season hits. That’s why the young studs call it ‘est fest’. The Princesses have to be there because they are hosting it. And somepony has to escort each Princess so they won’t be ‘unattached mares’. Cadance and Captain Shining are self evident. I will escort Celestia. Luna has the head of her Night Guard. And Twilight has you. Take Captain Swift with you to help manage the mare problems.
“Any hints or suggestions, sir?”
“Be as ‘on duty’ and military as possible. You’re still going to draw high tails in a swarm but if you don’t let go of Twilight they should keep their distance.”
The door quietly closed itself and, “John, this is orders. Given your recent history, it’s tempting fate but Princesses get what Princesses want.”
I looked at Captain Shining, “Captain, I’m going to need your help with this. And call me John.”
“Certainly, John, if you’ll call me Shining. But I want to know what ‘history’ is.”
“Oh, Shining. Once upon a time I cast a major spell on myself and it is still having some ‘different’ side effects. One of the first side effects was that I heartbonded with Swift but we were afraid to have sex because I didn’t understand my magic. When we finally had our honeymoon we did some human things and I kinda forgot to close the balcony door while we were doing them. We accidentally started some pretty wild stories.”
Steel was grinning, “Shining, the door opened from ambassadors row on to the main public courtyard and humans have sex for days at a time. They entertained the Castle with two days of full throated passion.”
Shining looked at me with awe, “Now I understand what my sister has been so wild about. John, if you’ll teach me some of these ‘human things’, I’ll help you with anything.”
“Shining, you need to know the other half of the story. When was the last time you talked with your sister about me?”
“It was a letter a couple of weeks ago. I just got here and she wasn’t in when I checked her tower.”
“I’ve broken her heart since then. I’ve offered her everything I can including foals. She wants the band but we heartbond and heartbonding just isn’t for an Alicorn. That’s what I need your help with the most. I have to get her to some kind of stable relationship.”
Shining was looking worried now, “What has Celestia said?”
“Celestia has approved and thanked me for taking care of Twilight. I must assume that Celestia believes Twilight will get over it. My problem is that I have to work with Twilight until then. Like this assignment. We haven’t spoken since she cried herself dry on my shoulder.”
Shining looked at Steel, “Which Princess assigned John to escort Twilight?”
Steel replied, “Celestia’s words were ‘Twilight needs John’ but no greater detail was given.”
Shining smiled, “It will work out. Either Twilight explicitly requested John and is over her upset or Celestia is taking action to get Twilight over it. What else do you need help with, John”
“I want to do some serious combat training. I am fair at human unarmed combat and expert with human weapons but I’m clueless about pony combat and I’ve never held a sword or shield in my life.”
Shining looked at me critically, “I’ll bet you could match a Unicorn with a sword. You’d have less range but more strength. You should start with basic training and exercise for a while. Combat with me is pretty high level. And I’m curious, what kind of weapons are you expert with that you can’t use any more?”
Steel and I chorused together “Don’t ask!”
I added, “Shining, as a friend and a brother, don’t even think about human tech. And the reason that I’ve never sparred or wrestled with any ponies is that I’m scared to death of hurting them. I’m a lot stronger than I look. While honeymooning with AJ on her farm I pulled a plow meant for a team of four as light exercise. I want to learn before I get in a situation where it’s critical and I figure you have the best chance of surviving my mistakes.”
Shining laughed, “Now I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Steel jumped in, “And I want to referee. Shining, he juggles deadponies.”
We decided that our first priority is Twilight, training could come later. Besides, I wanted Twilight to witness our training. So Shining and I were in route to Twilight’s tower. If she wasn’t there, we were going to ask Cadance. Shining insists there are advantages to having an Alicorn on call.
Luck was with us, we found Twilight. She wasn’t home, yet, but she was headed that way so after a brother sister moment we all headed there.
Nothing ventured . . “Twilight, I’ve been chosen to escort you to the Spring Fling. Where and when should I pick you up?”
‘We’ll meet here in the morning. I have a lot of things to do organizing the Fling and won’t come back here. Bring your formal wear and we’ll change right before the party starts.” It was spoken flat as the floor.
“We also need you to be a witness, Twilight. Shining and I are going to fight.”
“Just tell me when.” Still no emotion.
“He was telling me about some of the things you did as a filly and I thought that it wasn’t proper to say things like that about a Princess. I said so and he laughed at me so now it’s a duel to the death.”
“Is that really necessary, John?” still flat but a start.
“The Jabberwocky said so with frillish uber spech.”
“Okay, John.”
Damned. I looked at Shining, pleading.
“Sister, Celestia wants to see you.”
“I don’t want to see Celestia.” A spark?
“You have to see Celestia.” Shining presses.
“Celestia did this to me. I don’t want to see Celestia.” A key!
“What did Celestia do to you?” Shining sees it too.
“She took my love away.”
I collided with Shining right in front of Twilight. I mouthed at him ‘let me’ and he backed up a step. I picked her up and cradled her in my arms. She was just limp, not seeming to notice. I nodded at Shining and he picked back up with the questioning. It took more than an hour but something finally cracked.
“John, why are you holding me?”
“Why do you think, Twilight?”
“Would I ask you if I knew?” a little bit of irritation. Good.
“I’m holding you because I love you. Your brother is here because he loves you.”
“But you can’t love me, John. I’m an Alicorn.”
“And that applies to your brother too?”
“No.”
“So love is possible. In fact, it’s right here in the room with you. Look for it.”
“How?”
“I dunno. Maybe there’s a strange alien monster that has enough confidence in your love to charge into your private tower and grab you and squeeze you. I mean, as an Alicorn you could just teleport him hell or lots of other nasty things, couldn’t you?”
Eye contact! “John . . . .”
“Twilight, you offered me every stallions wet dream, life with an Alicorn to satisfy my every whim and unlimited worry free sex. I turned it down because it would have harmed somepony that I loved. I walked away from heaven because I love you Twilight.”
“I don’t understand, John. You told me you couldn’t love me.”
“No, Twilight, I never said that. I said I shouldn’t love you. I said my love could harm you. I never said it didn’t exist.”
I see hope now.
“Shining, I have heard that Unicorns can do a spell and know for certain that somepony is or isn’t telling the truth. Can you?”
“It’s one of my personal talents, John. But I will need to touch you with my horn and I will have full access to everything in your mind. Are you sure you want this?”
“Shining, I’m far more worried about you than me. I keep some very nasty demons chained in the basement. You need to watch yourself around them. A lot of the other stuff will just be incomprehensible because you don’t have the foundation to interpret it.”
I folded my legs under me until I was sitting on the floor with Twilight in my lap. Being careful of her wings, I moved her until I could look directly into her eyes without obstructing Shining. I looked up and nodded at him. When I felt the touch of his horn I spoke.
“Twilight I love you enough to sacrifice my life for you. That is what that conversation with Steel was about. The only things I refuse you are things that I know will hurt you. The rest of the band feels the same way. You can live with us any time you want and have all of the rights of a bandmember, BUT, if AJ or Swift say you must take a break, then you must take time away from us. The only other way I can allow it is if you can figure out a way for us all to remain healthy for as long as you will. Then you can have the heart.”
Shining recoiled and shook his head. “Twilight, he believes absolutely in everything that he says. And he’s right about the demons.” Looking at me, “John, I asked ‘what don’t you want me to see’. I’m sorry. You deserve better.”
Twilight was finally beginning to perk up. I kissed her lightly on top of her nose and said, “Twilight, none of us know what the future will bring, least of all me. I may grow up to be the first male Alicorn. Or drop dead of a stroke tonight because of all the stress this crazy world is putting me through. Be happy with what you can get and take small steps toward what you want every day. Can you do that for me?”
“John, will you sleep with me tonight?”
“Certainly, Twilight. I’ve already told you I would. Your place or mine?”
“Here.”
“We need to let Swift know. And Spike.”
“I want you John.”
“We both come as part of a package, Twilight. You can’t separate me from Swift and AJ and I can’t separate you from Spike.”
“Spike is too young.”
Ohhhhh. “Twilight, I don’t lock Swift out when AJ and I have sex or vice versa. I couldn’t hide it from them and we aren’t going to have sex tonight anyway. You aren’t ready for it.”
“But I want it!”
“I’m sure you do. But you have some learning to do first. Trust me, I’m getting pretty good at this.”
“Alright, John. I trust you.”
“Good. Then the first thing we have to talk about is food. Lunch should have been a long time ago. How about you Shining?”
Shining thought for a second then, “I really need to let Cadance know where I am and see what she has for me to do.”
“Makes sense. Can you line up our PT for in the morning? Big room, medical standby, the whole nine yards?”
“Of course. I might even sell tickets.”
“Make them expensive. I don’t want too big a crowd. Please tell Swift where I am and about the PT.”
“Will do. See you at breakfast zero five hundred.”
“A pony after my own heart! Luck.”
Twilight’s solution to lunch is, “Spike!”
After I recovered from the earblast, “Twilight, I’m going to get comfortable.”
“Okay, John. Make yourself at home.”
So I went into the bathroom and removed all of my uniform and clothes, carefully folding them, and putting everything on a shelf.
When I walked back into the main room, Spike was there. He blinked once and, “Moving in, John?”
“Short term,” I replied
I stretched out on the big beanbag near where Twilight was standing.
“What’s available for lunch, Spike?”
“We have roasted mixed veggies and a fruit bowl for dinner.”
“Sounds good. Got tea? And I’m sorry for disrupting things.”
“”Where would you like it served, John?”
“Spike, your house, your rules. I’m learning. So do what you two usually do and add one plate.”
“See you at the kitchen table.”
So I got up and followed Spike and Twilight to the kitchen. A thin pad put me at the right height and the food was ready and good.
I looked at Spike, “This looks like a lot of work to just appear. When did you put this together?”
“While you three were having drama in the front room. I got to have something to keep my mind off all the mush or I’ll throw up.”
“Oh, Spike. Some day you will change and the ‘mush’ will suddenly become the most important thing there is.”
“I’m sure. But until then please warn me when you two are going lovey-dovey so I can take a long walk.”
“Spike, let’s work out something better. That walk could last as long as a week when I’m involved. I will not throw you out of your home for hours, much less days. Probably the best thing would be some good soundproofing spells and closed doors except for meals.”
“John, I usually go visiting for about two weeks when Twilight has her yearly. She’s too dangerous to be around.”
“That’s encouraging. Is there any kind of alarm clock around here? I have to be up and getting tea at zero four hundred. Breakfast will be at zero five hundred in the Guard cafeteria. I have an appointment with Shining Armor.”
“It’s set.”
“Okay. Where is it?”
“I’m the alarm clock. I don’t sleep as much as ponies do.”
“Thank you.”
Twilight is sitting there grinning like the cat that just caught the canary.
After dinner Spike refused help with the dishes so Twilight and I moved to her bedroom and closed the door. I got comfortable on the pad and motioned Twilight over. She blushed and sidled in my direction with her wings slowly rising.
“Twilight, what do you think we are doing here?”
“I think we’re getting closer, John.” and bats her eyes at me.
“Twilight, this is our first date. We are going to talk and get comfortable with each other, not excited.”
The waterworks are warming up and the wings are sinking.
“Twilight, the first rule of good loving is absolute truth. No lies. No bullshit. I don’t want your imagination or anypony else’s. I want you.
“I want you too, John.”
“The second rule of good loving is no secrets. I don’t mean that I want the details of every Royal Court nor do I intend reveal Guard secrets to you just to get under your tail. I mean I’m not going to hide my love for Swift and AJ and any other pony I touch. I expect the same from you.
“I can live with that.”
“Good. I had a few dozen lovers on Terra. A healthy young firefighter doesn’t lack for opportunities and I was often notorious as I worked my way up the ranks. You’ve witnessed most of my love life since I arrived in Equestria. How about you?”
“I’ve had some pretty wild heats with the girls. AJ can get really intense.”
“Twi, you got truth about AJ. How many stallions.”
“Counting you? One.”
“By all that’s holy, this is why we’re doing this Twilight. Everybody has been telling me how mature and experienced you are and I’ve been listening despite what my gut has been telling me.”
“I’ve never met a stallion that wanted more than the quickest possible mount. Even in the deepest heat that isn’t enough for me. That’s why I want you so much. I want you bound to me before you get away.”
“You have that, Darling. So relax and enjoy the rest of the ride. You have a whole new world to explore. How do you feel about watching or being watched? You seemed pretty okay with Swift and me in the doctor’s office.”
“That was research. Nothing personal. I couldn’t make a public spectacle out of the Royal mystique but I don’t mind friends like AJ at all.”
“Good. I am considering a ‘show and tell’. I want you to know what is happening to you when you experience your first real sex. It’s not going to be anything at all like you are expecting.”
“How did AJ take it?”
“AJ was something of a special case. She triggered Fred and I really liked what Fred was doing so her first experience was more with Fred than me. Right after that was all me and it was wild enough that Swift got off watching.”
“Wait a minute! AJ had sex with Fred!”
“Yes and no. Remember my ‘inner pony’? Well Luna put me in touch with him and he turned out to be Fred. Fred has had magic since the day we landed in Equestria. He linked directly into my mind. He’s been using that link to learn things and understand ponies. When I took my Oath, he decided to help me become equine. He left a image of himself in my mind to use as a model for my equine self. When I was laying there semi-conscious in the afterglow of sex with Swift, Aj called me and Fred showed us how a stallion should answer, right down to making my body fully equine.
“Wow. What else could be said? Wow.”
“It’s been a great help for me actually experiencing an equine body as it should be. Fred has taught me a lot. It is possible at any time that Fred is in the background giving me advice that I perceive as my own ideas.”
“John, you’re turning out to be a lot more complicated than I expected.”
“Welcome to real life. Lay across my lap and I’ll show you what Swift and I did for most of that wild honeymoon.”
She did and we settled in for some heavy grooming.
I wasn’t awake but I was aware enough to be struggling with the idea of why I had feathers all over me when there was a knock on the door. That brought me out of it enough to remember Twilight had wings so I answered, “Urghh.”
Spikes voice answered back, “I’ll come back in five minutes if you aren’t out of there before then.”
I folded Twilight’s wing back against her side and slid off the pad. She mumbled and looked up at the disturbance.
“Rise and shine lover. We have a beating to attend.”
I hit the toilet and stumbled to the kitchen. A mug of sweet smelling tea was waiting.
“Spike, you’re hired. This is precisely what I need.”
“Thank you, John. Though I still don’t understand why you torture yourself.”
“Spike, I am charged with protecting Princesses, particularly the nearest Princess. I need to be as able as possible at all times and under all circumstances. So I push the limits of my abilities and knowledge. We are going to do a lot of both today when I spar with Shining Armor. He is going to learn a lot about humans for the Guard just in case another human shows up on the other side. Steel and Twilight are going to record the details.”
Twilight walked in about then. “So you want me there to record the details of my brother beating you up?”
“No, I want you there to record the details of me beating the crap out of your brother.”
“How is that better?”
“Less pain for me? Actually, I don’t expect any clear victor. What I want to learn is ways to counter common pony attacks with a human body. Your brother wants to learn the same thing about humans. We may have to do this a lot more than once.”
“Twilight, you’re more traveled than most. Have you ever heard of ‘coffee’?”
“No, John. What is it?”
“Tea’s adult brother and the lack of it is Equestria’s one serious defect.”
Shining and Steel were in the food line when we walked in so we fell in behind them. I looked around and spotted Swift at table near the middle of the room. I got my usual and we all joined Swift.
Steel was organized, “We have a development lab in the armory reserved. A couple of armorers will be there to see what they can fit for you, John. A couple of Unicorn medics will stand by with nurses. Do you have a plan in mind, John?”
“I want to start as basic as we can. Just simple brawling. I’m looking for how ponies move and exert force. The Unicorn factor comes next. How can he hit me with magic and how can I resist it? We might recruit a Pegasus for aerial factors later. I’ve also got some human sword designs in mind. I might never be graceful with one but I can hack with great enthusiasm and a honking big sword on my belt has got to have a major intimidation factor.”
That got Shining’s attention, “Are you thinking of something heavy in human proportion?”
“Shining, human history includes blades from rapier to broadswords that weigh more than you. My thoughts run to the Scot’s Claymore. They kept a small and isolated country free and independent for centuries with a weapon that personified brute force and a berserker style of battle. The larger more refined nations learned to fear them. It was usually used two handed but they didn’t have magic strength. I also think it’s my best chance for a weapon that I won’t break when I get excited. The downside is that I’m more likely to cut ponies in half than wound them. The part I’m unsure of is cross or basket on the grip.”
Twilight was getting a bit green by then.
But Shining wasn’t. “So how long are you thinking?”
“The traditional design is often worn cross body and is near my height in length. But the Scots mostly fought open field battles. I have questions for you about swinging something like that indoors. I’d hit the ceiling in most rooms.”
Steel was grinning widely, “John, who told you that you could only have one. A sword is a tool. I have different tools for different jobs. But I have to admit that I like the image of you towering over the field of battle with a weapon larger than any of the enemy combatants. You’d be worth a company in sheer terror factor.”
Swift couldn’t stand it any more, “Could the stallions at this table please tone down the test fest just a little in honor of the Princess? I’ve learned to ignore it but she’s new to the military macho lifestyle.”
I hate it when a plan comes together.
The ‘lab’ is a very large room with every size and shape of stick, club, or wooden blade that you can imagine. We had pads for the floor and pads to wear. There were baskets too but none would hang on a human head. I started by sketching out my idea of a Claymore for the armorers and they promised to fake something out of wood while we worked on the unarmed part.
I stripped down to my skivvies and Swift put the uniform in the bag that she had brought with her.
Shining and I moved to the middle of the floor pads and eyeballed each other.
I invited, “Show me what’s natural. I know something of Terran equines. I want to see what translates.”
He smiled at me and charged. I sidestepped and grabbed for his neck as he went by. Neither of us got any satisfaction.
“Interesting idea, John. What could you do if it worked?”
“Keep trying and you’ll find out.”
He charged me again but I saw the balance shift and was ready when he spun around with a double barrel kick. I stepped back and caught his feet as he reached full extension. We wheelbarrowed for a few seconds then I let him go.
“John, I never dreamed of that one. Those hands change things. But what could you do with it?”
“Shining, this is my natural human strength. If I kicked in my magic strength I could beat a hole in the wall with you like that.”
“Oh.”
We circled and feinted for a bit. I faked a hard look to his left and he fell for it. I stepped in and bulldogged him ending with me pinning him flat.
I grinned at him, “That’s another thing you need hands for. If you can control the head, the rest of the equine must follow.”
“Does it work on humans?”
“Not nearly as well. Just not enough neck. But if you can get enough grip on the head it is a kill move.”
We leveled out after a while with neither of us able to score or looking like we might tire out. So I decided to up it a notch.
“Shining, I’m going to change disciplines. What’s coming is the human combat I’m best at and it’s what you’ll be most likely to see out of a random human.”
I raised my fists and began stalking him. He knew better than let me get too close but didn’t know what too close is. I leaned a little and tickled his nose with a jab. I stepped in and tickled his jaw with a hook. I feinted the other side and when he dodged, I did a little more than tickle him. He shook his head so I backed up and dropped out.
“John, it’s my impression that if you had followed through with any of those I would be laying on the mat bleeding?”
“Yes. Though a concussion is also likely. If it’s any consolation, Fred respects that jab.”
“Fred is the real big guy?”
“Yep. Let’s make it fair again. Use your magic on me.”
Somepony slapped me in the back of the head so I started moving and ducking as random as I could. He landed a lot of glancing blows and few dead ons. The problem is that the closer I get to him, the more accurate his blows. I worked my way over to a rack of short wooden swords without being too obvious and let him get in a hit that spun me. When I came back around I had several swords in my hands and threw them at him in as rapid a string as I could. He ducked and dodged but couldn’t launch any blows while he did. I charged yelling as loud as I could and managed to knock him over but he rolled and I missed pinning him. Then the elephant sat on me. I could see pink in the air around me and Shining was in serious concentration. I could wiggle but every gain I made was promptly counteracted.
I relaxed a moment, “Shining, how long could you maintain this?”
He answered, “For hours. It’s more tedious countering every small move you make that tiring from effort.”
“Brace yourself. Things are going to change.” And I reached for my magic. I anchored to the floor then pushed my body up. The pink darkened and sparkled. Shining grunted and his horn looked like a roman candle.
“HOLD!” It was Steel. “You colts know better than play with that level of magic inside the Castle and with a Princess present no less!”
We had both released at the first shout from Steel. I sat up and said, “I’m sorry. You are absolutely right and I was the one that escalated it.”
Steel was on top of it , “Time for a break. Let’s shower and analyze this over lunch.”
Shining was impressed, “John, you see my cutie mark? Shields are my talent. What I did was basically throw a shield over the top of you. And you were fighting it with your back. I’m not sure which of us would have won that contest. Yet you say that you can’t throw any kind of magic at all?”
“The only time magic has left my body is the heartbond and I’m not sure it’s my magic.”
“Heartbond is shared Earth pony magic. But you can do some things Earth ponies can’t do?”
“I’ve got speed to match my strength. I’m planning to try that out when we get to swords. It may be my best chance to overcome half a lifetime of ignoring swords. Unless maybe you have a spell for that?”
“No, John, no shortcuts. By the way, can you throw real blades like you threw those wooden ones? Because you could be damned deadly like that.”
“Sure, I’m pretty good with a Bowie or a Kabar. Those are Terran knives that I guess would pass for half scale swords among ponies.”
When we got back to the lab it was time to pick a sword. Here we go again. Unicorn blades don’t have a usable grip. They’re held with magic and magic doesn’t need a special grip so why not lighten them? Pegasus blades strap on. I could do that but then I couldn’t use my wrist. They’re all small and lightweight too. Earth pony blades come closest but they either strap on or are held in the pony’s mouth. Not a usable grip for me. But they had two versions of the Claymore ready for me to try. One was longer than I am tall. The other would hang from my belt to about a hands width from the floor. The grip needed a lot more work but it was possible. And it had a cross on it.
Then the fight started. If there wasn’t a basket for me, Shining wouldn’t wear one. He wouldn’t give a bit and I wasn’t going to fight if he didn’t wear it.
“Shining, I’m not in danger. You are. You have skills. I have wild and crazy.”
Steel settled it. The basket was orders.
He proved my point right off. I could give him something to do but he could score on me at will and I had to take wild chances to get close to him. Then I concentrated and dialed my speed up a notch. Now I had time to see what he is doing and begin to make him work. The ratio was about five to one but I am scoring now. I’m confident that I could turn the speed up more and hurt him but hurting Shining isn’t my goal. My goal is a functional weapon and we are closing in on that. The armorers have agreed to forge me a sword to the size and pattern of the smaller wooden Claymore. And they’ll improve the grip and cross.
We’ve worked up a sweat now but I can’t leave without one last experiment. I want to swing the big one. I picked it up and waved it a bit.
“I so wish this was real steel so I could get an actual feel for it vs my full strength.”
Shining smiled big, “We can do that. It’ll only last an hour or so but you won’t be able to tell the difference for that hour.” And his horn glowed bright for several seconds.
Suddenly the sword is heavy. I could hold it with normal strength but I'm not going to swing it too many times. So I dialed up my muscles until it felt like balsa wood. I swung it over my head until it whistled and everypony got way back. The dummies were there waiting for me. I cut the head off the first one like it was made of butter. I swung back and halved it diagonally.
“STOP!” Uh oh. Steel. “We get the point. Leave my equipment alone.”
I just grinned, “I like this.”
We had showered, dressed, and dinnered. Shining, Swift, Spike, Twilight, and I were in our apartment in the Guard Sector. Shining and I were both a little sore. We had pummeled each other for most of a day.
“John, I’m impressed with your ability starting from scratch like this. Right now you are more than most swordsponies would want to deal with. You have to learn to watch out for all the tricks but head to head your reach, speed, and strength are enough make up for a lot of lost training. Get Swift to work on the tricks with you.
We had decided to wait until after the party to try any more sparing. It was only two days away and it wouldn’t do to show up sore or injured.
I wanted to thank Shining, “Shining, this has been hugely educational for me. I owe you for this.”
Shinning grinned, “You already know what I want. I’ll collect in a little while. But right now I have duties I must get to. See you at the party if not sooner.”
Twilight zeroed in on Shining’s last statement, “John, what is he talking about ‘collect in a little while’?”
“It’s a stallion thing, Twilight. He’s teaching me about ponies and I’m teaching him about humans. Just like I’m teaching you about stallions. You learned a lot today, didn’t you?”
“I’m not sure I want to learn how much you enjoy hacking ponies to pieces.”
“Don’t you want to know what kind of monster you’ve invited into your bed, what our foals are going to grow up to be?”
Twilight was getting petulant, “I want to go home and go to bed.”
“Go ahead, you’re a big filly.”
“With you, John.”
“I’m sleeping here tonight and so is Swift. You are welcome to join us.”
“What about Spike?”
“Spike is welcome here too. He can join the main pile or use either of the guest rooms. His choice. We are going to talk about mushy things so he will probably be happier outside of the master bedroom. I do wish he would stick around and teach Swift how to make that sweet tea.”
Spike spoke up, “John, I’d rather go back to the tower and take care of some things. Thanks for the offer.”
“You’re always welcome, Spike. Think about staying here when we move there for the week. I’d be happier with somepony I trust taking care of the place.”
“I’ll certainly think about that, John. Until tomorrow.”
Now it’s just the three of us so I strip my uniform off and get comfortable. I walk over to where Twilight is standing and caress her cheek. When I walk to the big beanbag she follows my hand. I sit in the middle of it and she immediately lays in front of me. I begin grooming her as she stretches and moans. Swift settles behind me and starts on my back.
After a few minutes I said, “Swift, Twilight is going to need some help from you. Her knowledge of daily life with stallions is rather limited and rife with misconceptions. She needs an experienced mare’s point of view and we will need to show her what band life is really like.”
Swift picked it up, “Twilight, Just how much do you know? How many stallions have you known?”
“I’ve studied stallion physiology and psychology in detail. I know a lot about what makes stallions tick.”
“That’s not exactly what I asked, Twilight. How many stallions have you been intimate with?”
“One. John.”
I can feel Swift twitch behind me. “So, Twilight, you’re a virgin?”
“I’ve played filly games with my friends every heat week.”
Swift was beginning to sound concerned. “Did you have any colt friends when you were a filly?”
“I spent all my time studying especially after Celestia moved me into the Castle.”
Swift got up from behind me and went to the other side of Twilight and hugged her against me saying, “Twilight, I understand the Alicorn viewpoint of having centuries to work things out but damn it, it’s abuse to a child. You have a massive gap in your understanding of the world but don’t worry. Mama Swift will fix.”
Swift was in full maternal mode now, “You did have one great fortune. John is an unusual stallion. They exist to take care of us but few take it to John’s level. He has a total compulsion to make his mares safe and happy and he’s very capable. Give him your complete trust and you won’t be disappointed.”
I chimed in, “Twilight, we will be your friends forever. That absolute you already have. I want you to learn and grow. We will give you love and foals for as long as needed but I don’t want you to stop looking at other stallions. You need somepony that will be there when I can’t. It’s a fate that Service members accept. We get transferred or fall in battle so every moment that we do get is treasured. When that happens somepony steps up to take over our duty. You will have to learn that way. It doesn’t make the love any less, it makes it sweeter.
But we have years to work all those things out. Right now we have some decisions to make. We’ve already decided that Swift and AJ won’t be pregnant at the same time so we would appreciate a contraception spell when the time comes. You have to decide when you want a foal. We’ll support you any way possible but that includes advice on timing and good sense. You’ll get plenty of cover regardless. What do you want to do?”
Twilight started rubbing against my chest. “I want you, John. I want your stallionhood buried inside me.”
I sighed, “You’ve been reading those romance novels, haven’t you? Look down. Tell me what you see.
“I see you, John.”
“What parts of me do you see?”
“I see your belly and your legs.”
“What else?”
“I see your balls.”
“Twilight, my sweet confused love, we’re talking about my flaccid member. Look at it. Touch it if you want to. I’m sure you know all about how blood will flow in and engorge it in preparation for sex. But you aren’t ready for sex until you know why that blood flows in. Remember the doctor’s office? I stood there uninterested in the wooden dummy. Then Swift got the blood flowing and me emptied in nothing flat. That’s what the books leave out and you need to know.”
Now we have a more confused Twilight. “But, doesn’t it just happen, John?”
“Only in silly books. The traditional stimulus is estrus scent and pheromones. That means sex for at most two weeks a year. I don’t want to wait that long between orgasms so we have other ways. If you want sex outside of estrus you have to start by learning the other ways. It’s not that hard and I’m not trying to torment you but I don’t want to rush things. Getting in a hurry is how ponies get hurt.”
Swift jumped back in, “Twilight, as I understand it, Celestia took you into the Castle and special school the very day you got your cutie mark. That means you had a normal relationship with your sire as a filly but since that day all of your friends are mares and the only stallions you know are Guardsponies on duty and relatives. The best stallion role model you’ve known is your brother and he gets to visit about twice a year. I’ll even bet that most of the stallions that you’ve interacted with have been enemies like Sombra.”
Twilight was beginning to look cloudy so I hugged her and Swift to me. “Twilight, for the next little while we are your mentors. We will bring you through this into full marehood. I would strongly suggest skipping the foal this year. You are going to change a lot this season and you need to be stable and reliable for a foal. But the final decision is always yours.”
Swift agreed, “John is right. In a very short time you will look back on this and recognize it as the true end of your foalhood.”
I thought for a moment then, “Twilight, this is your life that we are planning here so it’s only fair to give you some say in it. My intent is to use nature as much as possible. I want you to spend time with Swift and AJ. They can familiarize you with how I work and what to expect from me. They’ll also explain what is expected from you and, if they think it necessary, we will demonstrate for you. I want you to be completely ready when your estrus hits and we will act as nature intends from there. You’ll get maximum enjoyment and minimum pain that way. After the season is over you’ll have memories and experiences to draw from for out of season sex.”
Something is worrying Twilight, “How much pain, John?”
Swift is laughing at that, “Twilight my sister, we are going to exercise some muscles that you have never used and we are going to work them hard. Of course you are going to be sore but it’s the most wonderful sore that you can imagine.
There was a collective gasp when we walked into the cafeteria for breakfast the next morning. I know it can’t be Twilight because it was not her first time with us. I assumed that word had got around about me and Shining. Twilight went to her tower after breakfast and I headed for PT. The gym was a repeat of the cafeteria so it’s certainly me. But everything else went as usual so I headed for my office.
Around mid morning a runner came requesting my presence at the armorers. They want my approval on the rough in of the Claymore they are making for me. I tweaked a few details on the grip and loved the overall design. They told me not to worry about a scabbard, it would be delivered separately tomorrow. Then they begged me to let them make the big sword. It would be an honor to be allowed to participate in the birth of such a princely weapon. So we played with sticks and shortened it enough to make it safe for me to run wearing it. I thanked them and they bowed when I left.
I decided to have a snack in the kitchen for lunch. Swift wasn’t there so I bached it. I was about to move to my office when Swift walked in with the mail.
She looked at me and bowed deeply, “Oh great prince, I humble myself before you.”
“Swift, what in the nineteen levels of special hell are you on about?”
“Your promotion, John. Haven’t you heard that you’ve been promoted to Prince?
“Haven’t you heard that you’ve been promoted to Prince?”
“Swift, I’ve had enough strange pony behavior already today.”
“I’m just reporting what I hear, John.”
“Details, Swift, details.”
“John, when a stallion is summoned to a Princess and spends the night it means that the Princess is horny. Nothing more. When a Princess goes to a stallion and spends the night, it means it’s serious. Combine that with fighting to a draw with the Princess’s brother, the only current Prince of the realm, and everypony is making bets on exactly when the official announcement will be made. The odds on favorite is during the Spring Fling.”
“What does sparring with Shining have to do with it?”
“You have proven yourself worthy of the Princess and the title. It really helped when you had Her witness it.”
“Is there any chance that anypony will ask me?”
“Not really. You’ve already made your intentions regarding Twilight very clear. Most Royal marriages are marriages of convenience. You’re already two up on that. AJ and I don’t mind. We get promoted along with you and we do love Twilight.
“John, just do one thing for me. Never change. It’s this sweet naivety of yours that makes me love you so.”
Surrendering to the inevitable, “Would you please send a letter to AJ advising her of what is going on and moving heat week to Twilight’s place?”
“Another one? Why do you think I went for the mail?”
We were already planning to spend the night with Twilight so we could get up and go with party prep in the morning and Twilight had already told us to bring our party clothes. It don’t matter. We’re moving in with Twilight bringing our things. It’s another brick in the wall.
The night with Twilight went fairly well. She groomed me while Swift worked on her wings. It turns out Swift has had extensive experience with a Pegasus. Spike is feeling kind of invaded but as long as it makes Twilight happy, he can handle it.
We ate in the kitchen the next morning because I couldn’t stomach all of my friends bowing to me when I don’t even know if it is really going to happen. It let us sleep later which was a good idea if we were going to stay up late with the party.
The day was filled with chasing down details and telling uncertain vendor ponies to just stop farting around and get it done. Finally, we went back to Twilight’s tower to change. There were three packages waiting for me.
The longest and heaviest had a note that said simply ‘Thanks’ and was signed ‘Celestia’. It contained my sword very nicely engraved and with a sun emblem set in the pommel.
The second longest contained a scabbard to match the sword with the marks of all four Princesses embossed down it.
The final package contained a belt just right to fit me and and the scabbard. It has a large gold buckle with a purple inset containing Twilight’s cutie mark. I’m taking this to be the official announcement.
I put it all on with my dress uniform and I looked good. I settled on wearing the sword left for a cross draw and practiced with it a few times. Then I heard applause. There were two mares standing in the doorway admiring me.
Twilight looked like a Princess and a damned fine one too. She was also positively glowing with happiness. Swift was razor sharp and pure Guard, the iron to Twilight’s velvet. Together we looked like Frazetta’s wet dream.
Spike opted to skip a festival devoted specifically to ‘mush’.
We met with the rest of the Princesses backstage to line up for the Grand Entrance. Steel saw me and came over smiling from ear to ear. We hoofbumped and he said, “Didn’t I tell you. You got the dream, colt.”
I had to ask, “Haven’t you ever dreamed?”
“Of course. Every stallion does. But I couldn’t last thirty minutes on the mat with Shining much less all day and walk off with a light sweat. You’ve proven brains and muscle. Don’t be surprised if Celestia wants you next.”
The trumpets sound and we walk out. Celestia is first, of course, and Twilight is last. Escorts walk shoulder to shoulder with their Princess. And I hadn’t imagined that there are that many ponies in the whole world. The Royal Ballroom is packed and every single one of them is looking at me.
Now Steel’s advice makes perfect sense. Twilight does whatever she needs to do and I’m attached to her shoulder. I can nod and smile with the best of them. We say hello to about a thousand young nobles and I get to hoofbump a crowd of eager colts. But there are snacks and beer. Then I see a familiar face.
“Twilight, what’s he doing here?” pointing to Prince Blueblood.
“John, he’s always looking for more mares. He goes through them that fast.”
“Want to do something fun and evil?”
“Does it target him?”
“Yes.”
“Lead on.”
“We’ll just kinda wander over near him. Then I’ll step away enough to not be obviously with you and smile at a few of the mares around him. That should be enough. If too many come after me you can ‘show up’ and rescue me. Swift will be with you anyway.”
I worked my way to a few yards behind him with Twilight a few yards behind me and keeping a low profile. I waved at a mare in front of him and she stared straight at me. I smiled and her tail started waving. That got several other mares following her gaze with the same result. They started moving my way, passing around Blueblood. That got more mares looking and more headed my way. He turned around and for about half a second I saw something really ugly on his face. He smiled and walked off the other way.
I talked with swarm of fillies for a few minutes about how good health and education would get them a shot at my band then Twilight moved in and ‘rescued’ me, giggling intermittently.
“John, you are forgiven whatever you are thinking about all those fillies. That was fun.”
But Swift was more serious, “John, did you see what I saw when he turned?”
“If you are referring to an intense desire to torture and kill, yes.”
We kept mixing and greeting. After a while we drifted close to the snack tables. I had noticed several Earth pony stallions a little older than the average and not looking at any mares. They seemed to drift in the same directions that we did. Then I heard a drunken slur behind me.
“I didn’t know they let pets in here.”
I started moving Twilight away from the disturbance.
“Of course ponies that screw their pets aren’t any better”
I turned to Swift, “Get Twilight out of here, fast.”
I turned and looked. It was a Unicorn stallion swaying and leering at Twilight. The Earth ponies seemed to be lining up behind him.
I turned back to Twilight, “Twilight, if you aren’t out of here in two seconds I am going to throw you across the room.” I reached for her and ‘pop’ she was gone.
I turned back to the Unicorn, “You, sir are drunk. In the morning you will realize just how big a mistake you are trying to make.” His horn was glowing and something was moving under his jacket. I reached down and dialed up my speed just in time to see three knives float out in front of him and come shooting toward me.
As the knives slowed down I drew and sidestepped. When the knives got close I knocked them down with my sword. I closed on the Unicorn and saw more knives emerging so I lopped his horn off. The knives fell and he screamed but it wasn’t over. All four Earth ponies were bringing up weapons. I circled left to put them in a line to me and started down that line. I hit the first one with the pommel of my sword and he just collapsed. I hit the second one on the side of the head with the flat of my sword. He went down but I heard a crunch I didn’t like. The third one managed to get his knife fully extended and aimed at me so I cut it off his leg with my sword and got some leg with it. The fourth one was turning to run so I let him go. Behind him, directly in his path, is Prince Blueblood. He is shouting something at Blueblood but I never got hear what. Blueblood had already drawn his sword and when the Earth pony got to him he ran the pony through.
I grabbed a cover off of one of the tables and applied it to the leg wound on the third Earth pony and told him he could hold it there and wait for help or he could die. Luckily help was pulling up as I spoke. Shining is in the lead.
I shouted at Shining, “I have unfinished business. Take care of these and make sure they can answer questions.” But Blueblood is nowhere to be seen. I ran in the general direction but the odds are he teleported out. I dropped my magic and headed back.
About time I got back to Shining, Celestia popped in with Twilight in tow. She was pissed. I walked up to her and said, “Princess, we need a very private talk before anything else.”
By the time I finished the sentence we were standing in Celestia’s private office. “Speak, John.”
So I told her the whole incident as it happened then, “It was obviously aimed at me. The Unicorn was drunk and insulting until Twilight was gone. When she teleported the weapons came out immediately. I tried to leave them in shape for questioning.”
Celestia was focused, “I agree, John. But that doesn’t make that big a difference. They attacked a member of the Royal Herd in the Royal Castle. Someone will pay dearly.”
“Your Majesty, that someone is Blueblood. He was behind them when they attacked and the last one ran to him shouting as he ran. Blueblood ran him through and vanished.”
“John, are you very sure of this?”
“Yes but it will be nothing but my gut feeling unless one of the prisoners talk. We need to protect them carefully. Can we go back now?”
And we were back. Shining reported that the Unicorn is in shock and headed for the hospital. Number one has a concussion and might talk later and might not. Number two has a crushed skull and is gone. Number three is headed for surgery and would be questioned later. Number four had been run through the heart and was dead before he hit the floor.
Shining had one question, “If the first four are classic adrenalin mistakes, how and why did you kill the last one so neatly?”
“I didn’t kill the last one. Further discussion will be in a secure location.”
The party is, of course, over. I am proud of ponies in general because the exit is quick and orderly.
We were in a conference room in the depths of the Palace. All of the Princesses, Steel, Shining, Swift, and myself are looking serious at each other.
Celestia directs, “John, tell them exactly what happened and leave out no detail.”
I did.
Celestia asked Swift next, “What did you see?”
“I saw exactly what John described right up until the Unicorn straightened up and the knives came flying. He was moving too fast for me to get a good look after that. Blueblood was standing well behind the Earth ponies but I didn’t see him after the action started.”
Celestia looked at Twilight next.
“I noticed that John was getting nervous and kept looking behind us. Then he said we should move away. Before I had a chance he shouted that I could leave or get thrown. I teleported out immediately.”
Celestia focused back on me, “Would you have handled a Princess like that?”
“In a heartbeat, Your Majesty. At that point, all I knew was that there was a serious threat. My plan was to get Twilight to safety while I blocked them from pursuing. My actual words were ‘if you aren’t out of here in two seconds I am going to throw you across the room’. I know She has wings and magic so I wasn’t worried about harming her. Mostly I wanted a fast way to impress on Her the seriousness of the threat.”
Celestia smiled, “That’s how a pony gets to be a Prince. Steel, what could you tell from examining the scene?”
Steel summarized, “Every bit a physical evidence agrees perfectly with what Prince John described. We have the knives in the places he named and more identical knives on the Unicorn. We have the weapons on all of the Earth ponies in use as described. The few party goers able to give a coherent account match Prince John’s descriptions. Several of them did see Blueblood where Prince John described him but nopony saw what Blueblood did or where he went. The wound on the last Earth pony could not have been made by a sword as large as Prince John’s.”
Then Celestia turned to Shining, “Shining, how are the prisoners doing?”
“The Unicorn may never be sane again. Cutting off a horn in use causes a terrible backlash. The Earth pony with the concussion will survive but won’t be able to answer questions for an unknown amount of time. If what the Earth pony with the leg wound says is true, it doesn’t matter. The last Earth pony hired all the other ponies for the job. All were given an advance in gold coin, which all had on them, with the rest to be paid on completion. They did know that the job had to be completed before the end of the festival but only the last Earth pony knew who ordered it and was going to pay for it.”
Celestia looked at me again, “Conclusions, John?”
“They were obviously after me. All I had was some ponies that stood out from the crowd and a sloppy drunk until Twilight was gone. Then five assassins came out with weapons. My theory is that they were as taken by surprise as I was with me being promoted and wanted to kill me before it became official thereby avoiding the whole ‘attack on the Royal Herd’ thing. I can say with deep personal conviction that Blueblood et al. were behind it. We had a minor confrontation earlier in the festival that Twilight and Swift can attest to where he exposed his emotions. He has to know by now that I’m the primary reason they’ve lost millions of bits. And the final Earth pony, the one described as the link to their employer, ran straight to him when panicked.
“But I can absolutely guarantee you that if he is charged, he will portray himself as an innocent bystander forced to defend himself from a mad pony that had just attacked a Princess and everypony should thank him for ending the danger to other ponies. And there’s not a damned thing we can do to contradict him.”
Celestia looked to Steel again.
Steel said, “I can’t find a flaw with that, unfortunately.”
Shining’s turn.
“There is one correction I’d make. It’s a popular misconception that my marriage to Cadance made me a Prince. The marriage is the icing on the love cake. I’m a Prince because my Princess says so. There is no ‘official’ confirmation or announcement needed. When She wants it, it happens. Everything else is spot on.”
I answered, “Shining I had suspected as much and was waiting for a good time to ask. But, there is betting pool in the castle on the time and date of the ‘official announcement’. I’m treating this buckle as a pretty damned solid indication for any pony with doubts.”
Celestia focused on me, “Since you believe that, John, and you’re wearing it, can I take it to be your acceptance of the nomination?”
“Damn you, Celstia, there will be an accounting some day for your methods. But until then this is the best way to keep my band safe so I will embrace the whole package.”
“All of it, John?”
“Absolutely everything but the previously stated exceptions.”
“It’s done , John.” And another of those ripples in the world happened.
Celestia was smug. Luna was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. And everypony else was confused.
Twilight broke the moment first, “John, what just happened?”
“I just auctioned off my soul for the future happiness of everypony I love. And that is all anypony else needs to know.
“And now that I am fully and officially a Prince of the Realm, maybe there is another possibility. I could challenge Blueblood. Get him in public and accuse him on a personal level. Make it a matter of honor.”
“He just got to see you in action, John. Do you think he’ll stand or run? Besides, removing the individual Blueblood will have little effect on the herd. Somepony else will just take his place and we will have to start all over again.” Celestia was being a wet blanket.
We kicked around a few ideas but the only one with any traction was for me to appear in the next Royal Court and be loudly and publicly acclaimed. That should slow things down for a while.
Steel and Shining wanted to talk to me privately so we adjourned to my office. Twilight and Swift were in the apartment deciding what to take to Twilight’s tower and what to leave here and making a list of things that should be duplicated for Twilight’s Castle.
Shining hoofbumped me, “Welcome to the family from both directions. And thanks for going easy on me when we sparred.”
“Shining, I don’t know what the ultimate reach of my magic is. Every time I need more, it’s there. But you see what happens when I try to crank it up and still control myself. I’m going to have to spend hours practicing not splattering melons and hope that translates to not splattering ponies. Sparring with any pony I’m going to stop well short of doing harm. You let me reach a little farther and that did make a difference when it mattered. Besides, there are vulnerabilities to any magic as you pointed out.”
Steel was practical, “Do you want to keep your apartment? A Prince is entitled to much more.”
“Steel, I want to keep it. It’s my link to my friends and my sanity just like the farm. That’s the tension between me and Celestia. Coming in as an outsider, without the built in worship factor that ponies have, I see how messed up some things are getting. Celestia is trying to make more Alicorns so Equestria will be safer and happier and she’s not having complete success. What I just agreed to was full participation in Celestia’s program to improve the Royal Herd. For my own sanity I need an anchor outside the Royal chambers. The human culture I grew up in ditched everything royal centuries ago in favor of merit based status. As kept breeding stock I will go insane.
“I want to eat here regularly and keep up my informal mornings. I want to keep all the things Major John has come to represent. And I want Swift and AJ to have an escape from the Duchess brood mare role. I expect Spike to use it as an escape from heat week too.
“John, that’s a big bite to chew on. Of course a Prince gets what he wants anyway but I appreciate the way you have always tried to keep me informed. I assume the status of your locked room remains unchanged?” Steel is remembering things I forgot.
“Yes. If it changes it will be to destroy everything in it.”
Shining was getting interested now, “Steel, I can testify to some of what he says. Why do you think moving to the other side of Equestria seemed a good idea to Cadance and me? John’s statement about Celestia’s methods struck a chord in me. But I want to know, what locked room?”
Steel looked at me, so, “Do you remember that simple statement that humans ended everything Royal centuries ago? That’s what’s in that room, the end of everything Royal.”
Shining is incredulous, “You can’t be serious.”
This time Steel took it, “I’ve seen it, Shining, and his explanations of it make perfect sense. That’s why we don’t talk about it.”
We talked for while, mostly speculation, but Shining had some very good suggestions for training methods. A knock sounded on the door and when I answered Swift walked in with a tray of steaming tea cups.
“John, I believe that you’ll want breakfast and a change before the Morning Court. It is currently zero four thirty. If you want to take PT, I can pack your best dress and sword in my saddle bags.”
“Please do, Swift. I’ll change to my cammies before we leave.”
After Swift was gone Steel announced, “John, if you ever mess up, I’m stealing her. She’s a prize.”
“Steel, if I’m ever that messed up I want you to have her. You are one of the rare few that could keep her.”
As we walk in to the cafeteria there are a lot of sighs but no real motion. My pony friends have good instincts. I had my usual and we all talked about plans.
Twilight had a biggie, “I’ll probably be retreating to my tower in a few days. All this stress is having an effect.”
Swift immediately popped up, “I’ll notify AJ.”
I added, “Steel, call me if the world ends.”
PT was routine. I’m going to have to get some more versatile equipment. Maybe it’s time for Steel to order that Minotaur weight set. We showered and I assembled my Dress gear while Swift got into her’s. When we walked out of the showers they were waiting. The gym was filled with ponies all bowing to us. I had to get out of there before I started crying.
Hurry up and wait, the ultimate universal constant, and it had us. Twilight had been sent to bring AJ in and Celestia was notifying friendly nobles. The new target time was after lunch. We were to wait in Celestia’s private office lest we spoil a surprise for certain ponies.
At just under an hour Twilight and AJ popped in.
AJ didn’t even take a breath, “John Sampson, what have you done? I get rousted out in the middle of spring planting and told to report to Royal Court just get dressed and let’s go.”
“Deep breaths, AJ, deep breaths. You are here for our promotion. I’m being acclaimed a Prince of the Realm and you have to be here to be acclaimed Duchess. How do you like the new duds?”
Twilight went to join the Morning Court while Swift and I explained to AJ how we got into this situation. It took until nearly noon.
A Guardpony came to request our presence for lunch with the Princesses. I managed to finagle things around to get myself seated next to Cadance.
I opened with, “Hi there. We keep bumping into each other but never getting to talk. After Shining described you as ‘the sane one’ I just had to make a chance.”
She laughed, “Really? That’s interesting after some of the things he’s said about you.”
Yep, we can get along, “I hope you’ll get a chance to make up your own mind. I want to spend some time training with Shining. I need the training.”
“Shining says you’re as strong as he is right now.”
“I may be stronger. But I’m too new to the magic to really know anything. I need technique and control for that strength to be useful and he’s got that all over me.”
“You will be welcome in the Crystal Empire any time you can be there. In fact, the impression I get from Shining is that the Crystal Empire will be safer for your presence.”
It’s time. I am to wait at the main door with AJ and Swift beside me. When I am announced we will approach Celestia. She will make the announcement and I will take my place between Celestia and Twilight. Swift and AJ will flank me the whole time.
Celestia got out the full Royal Voice for this one, “Be it known that Princess Twilight Sparkle has chosen Major John Sampson as Her Prince. In recognition of his exceptional qualities and service to the Royal Herd his nomination to Prince of the Realm is hereby confirmed. We, the four Princesses of Equestria, do Declare this to be Our Unanimous Will. We further Declare that Captain Swift Trail and Applejack of Sweet Apple Acres, bandmates of Prince John Sampson be given the rank of Duchess. Prince John Sampson, take your place alongside your Princesses.
And I stood between Celestia and Twilight with Swift and AJ one step behind me. Luckily, Court was over almost immediately so everypony could celebrate and spread the word. I was thinking about sleep myself.
Hot diggity damned. From refuge to Royal in one short year. I love this place. We’ll worry about the breeding stocks later.
I chased down Shining, “Shining, my new Brother-in-law, where are you and Cadance staying?
Shining barked a short laugh, “In your old digs on Ambassador Row. Yes we keep the door closed.”
“Don’t. You’ll be amazed the effect that door can have on your life. But, temptation aside, I wanted to ask you if you could stand the sight of your sister having multiple screaming orgasms?”
“That sounds very interesting, John. What are you proposing?”
“I’m going to be instructing Twilight in the same human ways you want to learn very shortly. You’re a big enough stallion to keep it out of your sister. You could watch and learn. I could watch and advise when you practice on Cadance. All you have to do is come and stay with us in Twilight’s tower.”
“It makes sense to me, John. But you should know that Cadance has had a fixation on you since you confessed that you overspelled yourself. I wouldn’t mind the help with her but you’re going to need some help yourself. She’ll get the final say anyway.”
“I have an ulterior motive, Shining. I plan to be sterile this year and I don’t know if Twilight can be absolutely trusted on that subject.”
“That we can do. I’ll talk to Cadance and we’ll come by for a talk and spell. We might stay.”
“Fair enough. Did I mention that Swift worshiped you before she met me? She might fancy some variety when the full season is on her and I’m chasing Alicorns.”
Shining went on to the rest of his day and I went to my next chore, Celestia. Yep, She’s in and waiting.
“Hello My new Prince. We’ve been expecting you.”
“Said the spider to the fly? You do know that some flies eat spiders? Let’s make this John and Celestia.”
“Oh John, can’t we just dance a little?”
“We have years and years of dancing ahead. Let’s not wear it out too soon. Besides, I need clarity right now.”
“Very well. As long as you’re ready to do your stallion’s duty.”
“That’s what we’re here to discuss. They’ll be no foals this year. I just escaped an assassination purely by my own wits. If you can’t protect me, the baddest warrior in Equestria, you damned sure can’t protect my foals. And when we do get into production I will NOT become another Blueblood.”
“John, we have a bargain. Do you think you can say ‘no’ to a Princess?”
“I know I can. I can always die and there is no way to stop me. If you’ll remember, our deal included a clause that I would refuse anything that would harm my Herd, my Princesses, or Equestria. You have made all of you my Princesses and my herd. I won’t help you destroy yourself. I will work with you for the betterment of Equestria and my Herd.”
“Convince me, John.”
“Scatter shot breeding like Blueblood is doing dilutes a bloodline out of existence. We need to concentrate on quality, not quantity. And we need to raise the foals to be best possible ponies. We need a plan. There isn’t enough time left in this year to do it. Let me have my first experience with pony estrus without the added stress of foals and we’ll be ready for next year in all senses.”
“That makes sense, John. I may want to check on you and Twilight while the season is in progress. Would that disturb you?”
“I’ve already invited Shining and Cadance to join us. I wouldn’t mind you joining at all but I fear what it might do to Twilight. You have an unhealthy hold in her mind and I want to get her up to real adulthood before she confronts that issue.”
“Very well. I am certain of your commitment to her and your capabilities so I will defer to your judgment. I may want a visit from you at some point.”
“No problem. You might want to co-ordinate with Luna when you do.”
“What, did she beat me to it?”
“I didn’t say that. I just said it might be easier to spend a night with you and the following day with her.”
My external worries done for the day, I headed for Twilight’s tower. I guess at some point I’ll have to get used to ‘Our tower’.
The doorpony was expecting me and opened the door with a bow. Inside I looked around for Spike. As I expected, he was in the kitchen.
“Spike, your use of our apartment in the Guard sector is arranged and approved. Do you have a Guard ID?”
“Thank you, John. And no.”
“Stop by the Clerk’s office and get one. Outside of the Castle it will entitle you individually to all of the rights and privileges of a Guard Staffer. It probably won’t mean much in Canterlot because everypony knows you here. But elsewhere it can make a big difference. All Services and Agencies will recognize it.
“Do you think it will help that much?”
“It will name you as my relative. There are places where my name carries more weight than Twilight’s. Between the two of us, you should be well taken care of.”
“How could your name carry more weight than Twilight’s?”
“Have you heard about the assassination attempt?”
“A little, but what does that have to do with it?”
“I crippled or killed four professional assassins in three seconds. Ponies that don’t care about anything else care about their own life.”
“That’s cool, John.”
“And I need a favor from you. I need protein. Lots of protein. It’s a stallion basic and for the next several weeks I need a high protein intake. Can you stock up in here for me?”
“What kind of protein do you need?”
“Chicken, fish, eggs, beans, cheese, oatmeal, and lentils in any combination or variety. Juicy fruits and fruit juices will be good for everyone when blood sugars crash.”
“The fruits, cheese, oatmeal, and lentils are already in. The rest will be in by mid morning. Twilight is going to twitch at the meat.”
“She’ll get over it when she finds out what my body does with all that protein. Thanks.”
My mares were upstairs studying a large book with pictures.
“Hello my wonderful mares. Are we learning things?”
“AJ quipped, “We are planning your demise from exhaustion.”
“Go for it. I bet I outlast you. By the way, Shining and Cadance are going to visit. I have invited them to spend the week here instead of in our old digs on Ambassador Row. It’s not a done deal but I think it would be a good idea.”
Twilight was turning that peculiar red purple color, “John, do you think my brother should see me like this?”
AJ surprised me, “Twilight, we all like to go out in the open pasture have completely natural sex. I’ve found puddles in the woods nearby. The only other stallion for miles is my brother. I wish he wouldn’t hide when he does it.”
I added, “Cadance is going to be here too. Shining wants to learn how I make mares so happy and we may put on a demonstration for them. I may also coach him with Cadance.”
AJ promptly volunteered, “I’ll show them if you don’t want to. Twilight, we’re proud of the things we can do. Swift, what was life like the day after your honeymoon?”
Swift grinned, “I was the most popular mare in the Guard sector. Everypony wanted to know my secret. Just like your brother wants to know John’s secrets. They’re all jealous of us.”
I hated to do it, but better now than later, “Twilight, since this is going to be strange for you, I want somepony trusted that can take care of you no matter what. That’s why I want Cadance. I may have to leave for while to fulfill my obligation to Celestia. She wanted to line mares up in the hall and have me cover them non-stop but I vetoed that for medical reasons. But if She calls, I must go for at least part of the season. That is the price for all of the good things happening to us.”
AJ was miffed, “We can take care of her!”
“I know you can, AJ. Right up until she teleports. That’s why I need another Alicorn.”
Spike shouted from below, “Dinner time!”
That set off a small rush for the stairs.
After dinner we were all sitting the front room enjoying the feeling. I was grooming AJ and Swift was grooming Twilight.
I made an executive decision, “Spike, take Swift shopping with you. I want her to learn where you get things like that delicious cheese so she can stock it in other places. She can help you too since you are going to have more ponies to buy for.”
“I can just buy more, John. It’s no problem.”
“Spike, you are going to have to learn to share the load. This is just the beginning. Imagine what it’s going to be like with foals. Spike, you’re not being replaced, you’re being expanded.”
That didn’t get any farther because Cadance and Shining had arrived.
Cadance was bubbly, “My, what an image of domestic bliss we have here.”
I smiled back, “Come on in and join it.”
Shining was smiling too, “I like this side of you, Little Sister.”
Twilight blushed but spoke up, “I’ve been learning a lot that schools don’t teach lately.”
Cadance pulled a bag to across from me. “Shining tells me that you need a spell.”
“I need to be sterile for the duration of this season. I wasn’t sure I could reach a full understanding with Celestia and I didn’t want to ask Twilight to confront Her directly. It worked out though. So while the spell would be appreciated, it’s no longer mandatory.”
Cadance was impressed, “John, I have a pretty good idea what Celestia has planned for you. Are you telling me you talked Her out of it?”
“As a matter of fact, I did. I have the advantage of human knowledge of genetics so I know why her plan was doomed to fail. We have a new, better plan now. Part of it is to allow me this year to learn my way around pony estrus.”
Cadance smiled big, “Okay, John, you’ve talked me into it. There’s no way I could walk away from any stallion strong enough to handle Celestia.”
“On that note, I am expecting to be called to attend Celestia for some part of the season. That’s the part I need your help with the most. Twilight will be in the depths of Her first season with a stallion and I don’t want Her teleporting into trouble.”
“Damned, John. You organize everything, don’t you?”
“Do you see the cutie mark?”
“I’ve been wanting to ask you what that means.”
“That is exactly what it means. I organize everything. It’s a human talent.”
Cadance moved closer and examined me, “I don’t see any reason a standard pony based spell won’t work on you. You seem to be made mostly the same.”
“I am. In fact I’m close enough to be naturally fertile with mares. That’s the one thing to watch out for. The doctor has told me that I’m super fertile.”
“That won’t matter for this spell. Do you want it timed or reverse on demand.”
“Make it reverse on demand.”
Her horn glowed dimly for few seconds, “It’s done. Next?”
AJ stepped up, “Can I borrow Shining for a night?”
Cadance grinned, “Of course, if I can take John out for a romp.”
AJ asked, “Where do you want me?”
I got up and offered AJ my spot.
The horn glowed and, “Next.”
Swift hopped right in.
“Next.” And she looked right at Shining.
He laid down and grinned, “Better safe than sorry.”
The horn glowed then, “Twilight and I can regulate our own fertility so we are done.”
I looked at Twilight, “How are you feeling, Twilight Darling?”
“I’m nervous and relieved at the same time. I’ve been dreaming of it for years and the reality is nothing like any of the dreams. It’s better.”
Cadance reminded Twilight, “Remember learning Friendship and building a circle of Friends? This is the next step. You are learning Love and building a circle of Lovers. I think you’ve got yourself a pretty damned good circle here.”
“Cadance, we’re too stressed and fatigued for anything but sleep tonight so Spike is safe. What I’m trying to gauge is when and for how long he should move to our Guard apartment.”
“I think he should spend about three weeks there starting tomorrow night.”
“You hear that, Spike? You’re safe on the pile tonight but have everything you need for a month ready by late afternoon. We’ll help you carry it. We’ll all come by from time to time but the mares will have to time it around their season. We can bring things then.”
Cadance was marveling at me, “You really can’t help it, can you?”
Swift laughed, “Honey, you don’t have a clue, yet. You’re part of his herd now. He is absolutely compelled to take care of you.”
I dropped back on the big beanbag and beckoned to Cadance, “Come on over here and find out.”
She sat down beside me and I started grooming her.
Shining jumped up, “Hey. What about me?”
I looked up and, “So pick one.”
Swift stepped right in front of him, “Come with me, big colt,” and towed him to another big beanbag.
AJ and Twilight took the last big beanbag.
I laughed, “Think of it as the beginning of your education, Shining.”
“Zero four hundred. Rise and shine.” It’s my green and purple self motivating alarm clock. Sleeping between two Alicorns is sweet. They seem to have a need to cover everypony with their wings and two of them can completely cover me. This is really easy to get used to. I wonder if Pegusi are the same.
I gently fold wings off of me so I can get out of the pile but with this many ponies it’s complicated. Toilet followed by kitchen. Spike has my caffeine infusion ready.
“Spike if you don’t tell Swift the secret to this tea before you leave, consider not coming back. I’m going to be awfully cranky by then.”
“I’ll see to it that you’re taken care of, John. There haven’t been a lot of stallions for me to get to know around here. Shining has been about it. You’re different from the ponies I’m used to and I like the difference.”
“Thank you, Spike.”
More of the herd was trickling in now and collecting cups of tea.
Cadance moaned, “Why do sane ponies get out of bed at four AM? Are ponies that get out of bed at four AM sane?”
I chuckled, “I’m sorry I forgot to warn you. We have informal mornings with the Guard. That’s breakfast in the cafeteria followed by PT in the gym. You’re welcome to join us or go back to bed. I doubt we’ll be able to keep it up after today anyway.”
Shining wandered in about then. “Good morning, John. Going to juggle deadponies this morning?”
Cadance is staring at me now, “Is he talking about those big heavy balls we use to measure a Unicorn’s strength?”
“Yes. And I don’t exactly juggle them in the air because it’s too dangerous in a crowed environment like the gym. I do use them for jogging weights and things like that.”
Now She’s looking at Shining, “And you want wrestle with him again?”
I explained, “Steel stopped the match before we found out who is the stronger. We need to go to an isolated place and finish it.”
Very sweetly, “Why did Steel stop the match?”
“I think he was afraid that we might wreck the Palace.”
“Stallions!”
We lined up as a herd headed for the cafeteria. We got a small gasp when we made our entrance. My ponies are getting used to seeing Princesses.
I ordered a four egg cheese omelet and oatmeal for breakfast then recommended that Shining do the same.
“Far from it. When I’m wearing something like these cammies, I am signaling to them that I want their friendship as ponies regardless of rank. When I am done with PT I will shower and put on my uniform with my rank and status. They will recognize it and actually go out of their way to show respect. They packed the gym so they could all bow to me the day after I was acclaimed.
“Cadance, these are the ponies that will throw their dying body in front of an enemy to give us an extra second to escape. I respect them for their willingness to sacrifice in large and small ways. That’s why I do this and that’s why they honor me. Shining knows. He has the same honor. It’s the difference between a leader and an officer.
“Why, John?” He asked.
“Protein, Shining, protein. What do you think those mares are going to spend the next several weeks draining out of us?”
After eating, Cadance, Twilight, and AJ went back to the tower to get the day organized. All the military types went to PT. It was routine other than I threw a pony ball up and caught it to satisfy Shining’s curiosity. Then we headed out to do chores.
I informed Steel that tonight was going to be the night. We got supplies in. We got an alarm clock. Spike got packed and moved.
We had a nice dinner then adjourned to the upstairs library. All the tables went to one side and the bean bags got lined up in two rows.
Swift, AJ, and I occupied one line and Shining, Cadance, and Twilight took the other line.
I started it off, “Shining, the very first thing to learn is that you don’t have to mount. Just blow off the whole ‘gotta get it done’ attitude. Try something else first.”
“But, John, how is she going to get anything out of it if you don’t mount?”
“Watch.”
I laid back on the bean bag and pulled AJ to me. She met me with a full on kiss. We tongue wrestled for a little while then I nibbled on her lips. She tried to get to my ears but I was wise to that. I slipped down her neck kissing as I went. She was beginning to breath hard by then so I wrapped my arms around her barrel and rubbed as I nuzzled and snuffled in her chest hair. I worked my way lower and moved my body to between her hind legs. I began licking her belly and she started moaning. The closer I got to her bellybutton, the louder she got. Then I captured her bellybutton with my lips and sucked on it. She began to rub herself on my chest. I sucked hard then bit lightly. She wrapped her hind legs around me and started grinding wildly. I twiddled her bellybutton with my tongue and she thrust wildly against me and screamed. I kept after her until she collapsed. I rolled to the side and caressed her cheek as she blew down.
“Shining, look at my crotch. I haven’t even got to erection yet and she’s had a mid level orgasm. That’s how.”
Twilight and Cadance both have wing boners.
“Look around you Shining. Mounting turns you on. This is what turns mares on.
“The second thing you have to learn is that the only way a body is dirty is if you play in the mud. And that washes off. You can’t imagine how many stallions are repulsed by mare organs. I thought the whole goal was to get in there? Only with the equally dirty part of the stallion, I guess.
“You know what? It tastes good. AJ tastes like apples. Swift tastes like hay and honey. I can’t wait to find out what Twilight tastes like.”
“Now wait a minute! That’s just too much to believe.” Shining erupted.
“What’s too much to believe? That mares taste good?”
“That AJ would taste like apples.”
“Shining me lad, it makes perfect sense and has science behind it. The taste of body fluids is part personal chemistry and part diet. AJ literally tastes like what she eats because the things that give food taste are absorbed by her body and carried along to be secreted when anything else is secreted. Wanna guess what the apple farmer eats a whole lot of?
Swift added, “I can verify it. He’s telling the truth.”
AJ couldn’t resist, “You can come try it for yourself.”
“You’re getting ahead of things, AJ. I haven’t shown him how yet.”
“Well I wish somepony would get on with it.” AJ was ready.
“Okay.”
I slid around and stuck my head between her hind legs. I started licking and nibbling her nipples in turn. She started breathing harder. I kept playing with her teats for a while then I caught a nipple between my teeth and pulled on it. She curled her back to lift her butt and I slipped both arms under her to support her in that position.
I moved back and rubbed my nose on her wildly winking clitoris. That got a small moan so I licked her clitoris and got a bigger moan. I slid my tongue up and down between her lips and she began to spasm. Then she erupted with nectar and I struggled to catch every drop. I sucked on clitoris and her lips pulled open so I dropped my chin in and kept tongue flicking her clitoris. She began to thrust up against me getting wilder and wilder. I pushed back and kept chasing her clitoris. She erupted with nectar again and started spasming against my face getting louder and louder.
Then the peak was passed and she began to relax but I didn’t let her go. She bucked and twisted but in just a few seconds was on her way back up thrusting against me. I rode her up and back down three times getting at least a mouthful of nectar every trip.
Then I heard Shining behind me, “Please, John, have mercy!”
AJ screamed, “NO! Don’t stop!”
So I rode her up and down twice more until she was limp and twitching. I backed up and stood to see Shining standing there with a fully flared, dripping erection.
“I wasn’t asking for her, John, I was asking for me.”
Cadance and Twilight had left the room. Swift was just smiling from ear to ear.
Shining, AJ, and I hit the shower while Swift changed the pad.
Shining was incredulous, “John, I’ve heard some stories but they aren’t half of the truth. There’s no way I could come close to what you do.”
“Shining, you can be as good as you want to be. It’s a learned art just like sword fighting. If you can teach me to be a passable swordspony, I can teach you to thrill mares. It’s really that simple.”
Cadance and Twilight had made some calming tea so when we settled into our pile everypony was relaxed and ready to sleep.
I was in that blissful time of the morning when I wasn’t awake but I was aware. I could feel the pile around me, my herd, my life, my security and it is perfect. There is movement but no cause for alarm. Warm fur against my chest comforts me. But something is different. I couldn’t define it exactly but it is something good.
It is spreading. There is warmth and softness on my growing erection. This is not a dream. There is movement across my face and head. That brings my eyes open and I am looking up at a tail. It’s a dark blue tail and it is attached to a purple rump with swollen violet lips leading down to a rapidly winking bright red clitoris. But that’s not what has my attention.
There’s a smell under here with me. An exciting new smell. As I drink it in my erection snaps to full boner. That’s when I realize that Twilight has won the race and I’m about to be the prize. I stretch my tongue out to taste her but I just can’t reach. So I blow on her exposed clitoris and am rewarded with a squeal on my erection.
She slides closer and I take my first taste. I don’t know what to call it but it’s a special kind of wonderful. I probe deeper looking for more. Oh yeh. She’s got plenty. And it tastes . . . bright? I don’t have a word for it but something primal in me recognizes it.
Time to do something about it. I reach up and grab her under her ribs and plant her on my face. My tongue is running around the interior of her nether lips and she is drenching me in that lovely fragrance. I catch her clitoris and suck on it. She starts grinding herself on my face. I’m trying to fit everything from nose to chin in her but it just isn’t big enough. I lift her to get a breath and I realize there are purple fireworks in the room. So I go back in for the clit. She bounces hard on me. Then she bellows loud enough to rattle the walls and the room lights up with bright violet. I need to breathe but she’s pushing and spasming with enormous strength. Suddenly she’s limp and round one is over.
I lift her and sit her on my legs as I sit upright.
“Good morning, Twilight.”
Deep breathing, “Good morning, John. Did I hurt you?”
“How would you possibly hurt me, Twilight?”
“I couldn’t control my Alicorn strength.”
“Twilight, remember who you are talking to. I like it when you lose control. The light show was awesome.”
AJ and Swift were standing off to the side just grinning.
“Don’t worry, your time will come.” I directed at them.
About then a blue light show erupted on the other side of the room. Shinning and Cadance were hitting their stride. As we watched, he went limp and slid off of her.
Looking up, Shining spotted us watching them, “I’m sorry, John. Watching you two is just too hot.”
“How does giving your bonded mare sweet love get to be something to be sorry for?”
Shining was embarrassed, “I know you were planning to play in there but now I’ve muddied the playground.”
“Shining, my brother, did you think that lesson about body parts only applied to mares? If I trust you enough to share any body, I trust you enough to share every body. Besides, you want to play with Swift and AJ and there is certainly plenty of me in both of them.”
Turning back to Twilight, “Speaking of body sharing, we are far from done.”
I was still holding her on my lap so I leaned a little and traced a nostril with my tongue. She gasped and I caught her upper lip with my teeth. She open and leaned into me for a throat deep kiss. Her wings unfurled and wrapped completely around me pulling us together. I felt something electric around my erection? Her magic. It was pulling on me so I co-operated and shifted her toward it as I rolled my hips. She gasped and her eyes went wide as I slipped into her without breaking the kiss. She tightened her wings around me as I began to roll my hips up and down to make short strokes in her. She began to hum, vibrating her body. That’s when I realized that there was a purple mist around us and an electric tingle all over my body. I crossed my eyes to focus on her horn and yep, it was glowing. I’m going to try something. I released the kiss and reached up a little to gently lick up one side of her horn. Everything contracted at the same time in a brilliant flash of purple. Wow. That’s sensitive.
“You Okay Twi?”
“DON”T STOP”
She’s okay. I touched tongue tip to horn tip and felt the electricity again. All of her legs and wings are kneading my body as I lick down and around her horn. She humming loud now. So I crane my neck and slip my mouth around her horn to begin sucking. It’s like I’m hit by lightning. My body contracts squeezing her between my mouth and my erection. I can’t thrust but it doesn’t matter. She’s got that Alicorn strength on the inside too. We’re both wrapped in a purple cocoon of light and bouncing wildly up and down.
Her horn is poking the back of my mouth but I don’t care. The pressure is close to explosion in my nuts. She tilts her head forward a little and the tip of her horn pushes into my throat. That does it. I hilt in her as my load pumps up my shaft. I can’t see anything but purple glare but I can feel her magic pouring into me as my load floods into her. I have no idea how long we were locked like that but it was insanely pleasurable.
We both went limp at the same time, slowly withdrawing from each other.
I rubbed cheeks with her, “Thank you, Twilight. That was far beyond anything that I had imagined.”
She looked me in the eye, “Thank you , John. I’m not sure anypony has ever had an experience like that but I pity them for their loss.”
“Holy shit! John, what have you done?” from AJ.
“John! Look at yourself!” from Shining.
I’m seeing things through a light purple haze but I figure that’s just a glare left over from being at ground zero for that light show.
“What’s the big deal?”
Shining walks over to us, “Sister, what have you done?”
I sit Twilight beside me and slide off the bed to stand. I’ve still got the purple glare but everything seems normal or better otherwise.
“Will somepony please tell me what is going on?”
Shining looks at me, “You really can’t see it, John? You’re the same color as Twilight now, mane and all.”
“John? You’re the same color as Twilight now, mane and all.”
“Really. Eyes too?”
“Yes.”
“That explains why everything seems to have a purple tint. I guess it’s appropriate for a Prince to match His Princess.”
Cadance walked up then. “I’m glad you’re taking this so calmly. Do you mind if I examine you?”
“Of course not. Why should I be excited? My cutie mark is unchanged and all the rest of the ponies have wild colors. Why shouldn’t I?”
Cadance is looking very puzzled now, “That is unmistakably Twilight’s color. The change happened while you and Twilight were being more intimate than ordinary. But I can detect only the faintest echo of Twilight. If this is her magic, so fresh and arising out of such strong emotion, her signature would be screaming at me out of it.”
I smiled, “Cadance, I’m pretty sure I did this to myself. I haven’t told you but when I covered AJ for the first time, I changed into a fully physical pony. I had hooves, flare, and the whole nine yards. And I acted with pure pony instinct. I do normal pony things like cleaning feathers with my teeth that would drive a human bonkers. I have no idea how much I am going to change or if it will ever end. It may be a facet of my magic.”
Swift was gleeful, “I want to go with you the first time you walk through the Palace. The looks will be priceless.”
“The more I think about it, the more I like it. I’ve been looking for a way to exercise that part of my magic but I’ve been afraid I might do something that I couldn’t fix. This is perfect. I got no problem at all staying this way if I can’t change it back.
“Twilight, how do you feel? How do you feel about it? It felt like I was consuming your magic near the end. What did it feel like to you?”
Twilight was thoughtful, “John, right at the end I could feel you pumping your seed into me and I felt like I was pumping my magic down your throat into you. It just seemed like the most perfect thing in the world to be blending ourselves together like that. And I like your new color.”
“How about fatigue? Did I drain your magic or strength? Because I feel good. I’m wondering if you slipped a stamina spell in on me or something.”
Do I see a twinkle in the Twilight, “No spell, John, and I feel the same way. Do you think you turn into that pony stallion if you tried?”
“I have no idea but if I ever want to try it, in the room with two Alicorns watching over me is the place.”
I laid down so I wouldn’t fall and reached for my magic. It’s ready and able. Then I reached for my inner pony. He’s there too. So I poured my magic into my inner pony and waited.
Shining said, “Wow!” rather loudly so I opened my eyes.
WOW! is right. I can see all the way around the room sitting still. I pull my feet under me and stand up one end at a time. I’m still taller than everypony else but not by as much. I test my muscles and discover I have a tail. Not only that, I can turn my head all the way around and look at it. I’m still Twilight colored.
Cadance is studying me critically, “You are damned impressive, John, but you aren’t a pony. I’m guessing that this Fred’s horse body.”
I said ‘Yes, Fred has always been my ‘inner pony’ even before I knew he was there.’ What came out was, “Neigh, grunt whinny whinny grunt snort snort neigh.” Oh yeh. Fred doesn’t have verbal parts.
Cadance asked, “Are you okay, John?”
I nodded my head.
Swift came forward, “Fred doesn’t talk like a pony at all. He speaks to John in his mind.”
I concentrated,
Try again,
Nothing. It’s Fred’s talent. I guess it takes his mind to work it. I’m getting distracted anyway. Twilight’s scent is overwhelming and I’m dropping. I start edging toward her. My focus is narrowing.
Twilight stared at me, “John Sampson! What are you thinking?”
I pointed with my nose.
Twilight looked conflicted, “That’s a little more than I was bargaining for.”
Damned. And it goes back quicker than it comes out. Not much else to do so I went back to the pad and laid down. I poured my magic into my inner human and was back in my old body. I even had my old color back.
AJ was pissed now, “John oh John, any time you want to step out in that body you just come see me. I’ve had it and I like it.”
“AJ, be nice. Remember that is Twilight’s first experience. And I agree with her for other reasons. We don’t know if the sterility spell applies to that different body. For all we know my horse nuts are making horse sperm. When she slowed me down enough to think I realized how little we know about what we’re doing.”
Cadance was more practical, “Do you think you could learn to talk?”
“I think it’s not that kind of problem. I know how to talk and I have learned other aspects of that body with only minimal effort. But I did it in dreams where talking wasn’t a factor. That mouth simply doesn’t have the parts needed to make speech. What I need to do is learn to separate parts from the whole body. I just did that with color so I know it’s possible. Shining, I want those eyes! I can see the entire room without moving my head. That could be incredible in a fight.”
“Excuse me, stallions. You have fifty weeks to work that part of it out. We have another priority for the next couple of weeks.” Cadance said sternly.
I had a priority of my own, “Yes we do. And right now, it’s breakfast.”
Twilight was looking disappointed but I wasn’t real sympathetic at that moment.
By the time we’d passed through the shower on the way to the kitchen Swift had eggs, oatmeal, fruit, and cheese laid out. The tea wasn’t quite the same as Spike’s but it was plenty good enough.
“You mares might want to go shopping or otherwise take advantage of your free time. Twilight and I are tied down for now but you don’t have to be. It’s probably going to get loud in a little bit anyway.”
Twilight and I moved to the upstairs library. The tables were still against the wall and that suited me. I might need the room later. We got comfortable on one of the big bean bags and started grooming.
“Is this all we’re going to do, John?”
“No, but we have all day so there’s no need to hurry.”
We were nuzzling and sharing breath when AJ came in. She sat on the other side of me from Twilight and whispered in my ear.
“We figure Swift is next so Cadance and Shining took her shopping. We are going to try something new while they are gone. Just lay flat and let us do the work.”
I stretched out and the two hottest mares in Equestria started licking and nibbling every part of my body. I was passing half mast when they each bit an ear at the same time. I went ‘sproing’ and Twilight flew herself over me and dropped down on me with her wings toward my head. I think I got harder watching them work. Then AJ landed on my face facing the same way as Twilight. I played chase the clit for a while as Twilight bounced up and down on me. Twilight began clenching on me and shortly after a light show erupted with sound effects. Then she opened her wings and flew straight up. AJ slipped under her and dropped onto my erection with hardly a thrust missed. Twilight landed on my face and I began chasing her clit.
They made a half dozen rotations before the inevitable happened. Twilight was clenching on me when I felt the pressure rising. Twilight began to raise her wings but I reached up and grabbed her. Pushing up into her, I felt my favorite soft spot and started pumping my swimmers through it. When she realized what was happening she pushed down and captured every drop.
We were laying in the afterglow with Twilight in the middle covering me and AJ with her wings. Twilight was humming as AJ and I nuzzled and groomed her. We were all about as happy as it is possible to be.
We drifted through a snack lunch and into an afternoon of small pleasures. Twilight drifted off while I was doing a wing and AJ was already napping so I snuck off to another room to play with my inner pony.
I reasoned that I had a horse image and a human image already so it shouldn’t be too hard to make more images. Specifically, I want to make an edited image. What I wanted was speech but that would be complicated. A voicebox is easy but it won’t work without tongue, teeth, and lips to shape the sound. So I’m going to practice on something simple first, eyes. Eyes are self contained and the interpreter in the brain is flexible.
I made a second human image and decided to call him man-x. Then I went to the horse image and visualized the head. Narrowing my focus to the eyes, I chose my separation points carefully then made a copy of the eyes. Moving to the man-x I took out the human eyes at the same places and set the horse eyes in. I couldn’t find any flaws so poured my magic and waited a few seconds. Nothing felt different so I opened my eyes and ‘Oh Shit!’.
They work, no doubt about that. The problem is that I no longer have peripheral vision. Everything is in focus and immediate. There is nothing that I can’t see except what I’m sitting on. The sheer size and number of images is overwhelming me. I can concentrate and ignore images down to a manageable level. Good. I Need A Mirror! So I go looking for one. The bathroom mirror is smaller and lower than ideal but it does reflect. My eyes are larger and canted more to the side now. The color is right but the pupil will never pass. It’s a horizontal bar. I’m getting the hang of it now so I’m declaring this a success.
Back in the same room I move myself back to my original human body. The next step is more complicated but I’m saved from deciding if I want to try it now by the sound of arrivals downstairs. The shoppers are back. I pass by the sleepers and down the stairs. We have ponies with packages.
Swift struck first, “John, help with these boxes.”
I picked up the couple of boxes and followed Swift to her personal room and set the down. She bumped the door close.
“John, Cadance and I made a deal. You are going to take her someplace out of sight and out of mind so she can play with your inner pony. I’m going to stay here with Shining and improve his education. Twilight knows it’s possible but I’ll make sure she’s up on it.”
“Dammit, does every mare in Equestria have a plan for my sex life? I’m wounded, traded off like common goods.”
“Quit yur bitchin. We both know you’ve been aiming at that Alicorn since she walked in the door.”
“Yes, but I want to keep imagining that I’m the pursuer. If something happens, we’ll be in our pocket pasture.”
We went back down to the kitchen where dinner was being discussed. Life was rocking right along until I used the F word.
Twilight was disgusted, “You want fish!”
“Yes, Twilight, I want fish. I need protein, lots of protein.”
“Why do you suddenly need more protein?”
“Because I’ve been giving it all to you, Twilight.”
“What on Equestria are you talking about?”
“Twilight, semen is nearly pure protein.”
“I know that.”
“So where do you think it comes from? If you want your stallion to keep acting like a stallion you have to replenish his protein reserves.”
“Do I have to smell it?”
“No, I can leave.”
“For a few hours.”
Cadance spoke up, “Twilight, I’ll take him if you don’t want him. I don’t mind fish at all. In fact, I want some. It’s good for the feathers.”
“You’ll bring him back before tomorrow morning?”
“Yes, Twilight, and in good condition.”
“Okay, but I want one before dinner.”
That was my cue, “What about right now?” and I began to edge around the table.
Twilight was shocked, “Right here in the kitchen?”
I kept edging toward her, “Why not?”
“How will anypony make dinner if we’re banging away in the middle of the floor?”
“They’ll just have to work around us,” and I reached for her.
Twilight squealed and ran for the door. I winked at Swift and went after her leaving the sound of laughter behind me in the kitchen. She is in the corner of the main room but when she sees me coming she takes to her wings and flies up the staircase.
I shouted, “You think you can get away from me? This palace isn’t big enough for you to get out of my reach.”
I took the stairs four steps at a time. At the top I see her disappearing through the master bedroom door and run after her. She is in the far corner and the instant she sees me she launches herself toward the door over my head. But I have more reach than that. I get a firm grip on both of her hind legs as she passes over me. She is an incredibly strong flier but not strong enough. I pull her down to the floor and reach between her wings to get a twisted handful of mane at the base of her neck, right where it’s thickest. I pull hard and her wings and tail all go straight up as her bare backside slams into my leg. I’m rock hard by now and on the second poke I feel her lips part and gush nectar on me as I slam into her.
This pure raw pony mating. I’m pushing hard and deep with a guttural burst on every stroke. She’s squealing and whinnying in time to my grunting. I can feel her clenching on me with increasing strength. I’m pulling harder on her mane trying to get a little deeper before I loose my load when the room is filled with blinding purple light. She bellows at full volume as I empty into her depths. I’m still pumping as I relax on to her back. Her wings come down and back to cover and hold me. We hold that embrace for a minute then I fall limply out of her and we separate.
“Twilight, we are going to have to do that outdoors some day. Think of how much fun we could have with more room.”
“I like that idea, John. Maybe tomorrow.”
“Let’s go get a shower and dinner.”
The fish turned out to be smoked salmon. That suited me just fine. Add a little bread, some cheese, fruit for dessert, and tea and I’m good. Apparently the same goes for Cadance. We almost had a fight over the last piece.
Cadance was concerned, “I hope you aren’t going to fall out on me. That was a big meal after a hard day.”
I laughed, “Don’t worry. I’ve been using a lot of magic today and I’ll use more if I feel any fatigue.”
“You can do that?”
“Yep. And I can keep myself warm and several other useful things.”
“This is going to be interesting. When will you be ready to start?”
“Now?”
“Where?”
“Let’s go to the main room.”
“I think we need more room than that.”
“I know we do. We are going to teleport to a place I will show you. Be careful when you are in my mind. The human stuff will make no sense and can be ignored but there are some demons chained in the basement. Stay away from them.”
We stood in the main and I bent down so she could touch her horn to my head. I pictured our pocket pasture on the farm and we were there.
“Cadance looked around, “You are right, John. This is perfect.”
“I won’t be able to talk after I change but I will understand and can do simple signs. Tell me exactly what you want.”
“I heard you tell Twilight that her Alicorn strength didn’t impress you. That’s what I’m looking for, a stallion that’s stronger than I am. I heard you and Shining say you were equal in strength and I know Shining is no where near my strength. So is Twilight weak or is somepony lying?”
“You should have asked for the details, Cadance. We are equal in pony muscle vs human muscle. We are also equal in magic vs magic. The part you missed is that I express my magic through my muscles. The contest that Steel stopped was my leg muscles against Shining’s shield. The only thing you have to remember is that I’m not real practiced or coordinated at full strength but I doubt you could test even a tenth of it.”
I swear her wings went up with an audible snap.
I sat so there would be no confusion on the transfer from two legs to four and summoned my inner horse. Pulling all four legs under me, I stood. Looking around and sniffing, I oriented myself. Fence, over there. Creek, over there. Pile, back there. Mare, right in front of me.
I step toward her and carefully touch noses. Inhaling, I drink in her scent. Definitely excited. I murr deep in my chest as I nibble her shoulder. She’s trembling. Good. I think she is beginning to appreciate my strength. With a loud squeal she bolts. This is going to be fun. I catch her easily and nip her shoulder again to turn her. She tries to kick me but that just costs her speed. I block her path and she turns. Catching up to her again, I nip her flank. We run back and forth across the pasture several times jumping the creek each time. This is a strong mare. Just the way I like them.
She finally gives up. She’s winded and sweating. I’m feeling good. I sniff her again and taste her sweat. Very nice. She is still trembling but now knows the futility of trying to escape me. I reach under and lip her teats. She squeals and spreads her legs. She’s learning. Her tail is tight but a gentle nip gets it out of the way. She’s wet and swollen. I taste her nectar. It’s wonderful. I’m dropping now. I take another taste and raise my head. Closing my nostrils I inhale her scent and verify her readiness. I’m hard now and my balls are withdrawing.
I step behind her and rest my chin on her back. She spreads her legs and squats. I slide up her rump until my erection hits her flank. Reaching between her upraised wings I take a mouthful of mane. I’ve got a firm grip on her barrel too so she isn’t going anywhere until I’m satisfied. I probe with my erection and I’m rewarded with softness and wet. A small thrust get me partway in. Walking my hind legs forward while pulling with my neck gets the rest of me in. My medial ridge is sliding in and out as I thrust.
I like this mare. She’s tight and getting tighter as I flare. I’m bottoming too. She’s going to get the full load. We’ve got a good rhythm going now and she’s beginning to sparkle. It’s becoming hard to move inside her as my flare stretches her. My load has already started down my shaft but I’m not finished. I push each pulse as deep into her as it will go. She’s feeling it. Her horn is bright now. Then the final pressure is released and I throw my head up and scream my triumph to the world. Her horn flashes as bright as a small sun as her scream joins mine.
I’m trying to hold myself in her to wring every last drop out but I’m shrinking. In a few seconds I fall limp and out of her. Slowly I slide back and off her. She immediately pisses copiously. I walk up beside her and nuzzle her cheek.
“Oh, John. If that was ten percent I know exactly why Celestia wants you so bad. I want to take you home and keep you.”
I stepped off and laid down. Shifting my magic, I resumed my human body.
“Under the terms of my agreement with Celestia you can’t own me but you can rent me on occasion, like tonight.”
“Can I rent you too?” asked a shape in the darkness.
“Yes you can, Luna. I even told Celestia to consider a tandem rental with you.”
“How about a tandem rental with Cadance?”
“That’s up to Cadance. I’ve committed to her. But you can pick me up any time you can talk Twilight into it.”
Cadance said, “you can take him for test ride if you wish but be careful, he’s stronger than he looks.”
This is going to be a very interesting night.
It’s been three wild, wonderful weeks of hell. I never imagined that I’d say it but I’ve had enough sex for a while. I got in trouble again when somepony rousted Celestia to check on her sister because the stars were blinking and moving around. No more sex with Luna after dark. AJ is absolutely insane when the full heat hits her. Swift is just Swift only hotter and tighter. And Twilight is a whole new pony, a mare now. She feels more like a Princess than the foal playing a Princess that she was previously. And I’m settling in to life as a working Prince
There’s been nary a peep out of Blueblood. The thinking is that after what he witnessed last time, his next attempt will be much better planned. So will my response.
Right now we are on our way to the Apple farm. The Prince has decided to assist the Duchess in making up for lost planting time. The other Duchess is taking care of the Prince. And I am going to work on my inner pony. I’ll spend as much time as I can in the horse body so I can get used to it.
“Rise and shine everypony. Ponyville Station ahead.”
AJ and Swift stretched and gathered saddle bags. We planned to exit the train and station a quickly as possible with the aim of missing Pinkie. The train was still moving as I stepped to the platform and strode briskly into the storm of confetti.
“Hello, Pinkie.”
“Hello Prince John.Isn’t this just great?You’re Royal now.And AJ.And Swift.It’s so beautiful.”
“Yes, Pinkie, we like it too.”
“We’re going to have the biggest party.And”
“No, Pinkie. We’re in a hurry. We need to get the farm in order for spring.”
“That’s O K we’ll just have a bigger party later.”
And she zipped off across the platform in search of her next victim. A truly horrible idea crossed my mind right then, Pinkie in heat. Could that be the trigger for the apocalypse?
I was wearing my uniform and sword and Swift and AJ were wearing nice bags with the Royal Crest. We cut a fine figure striding through town and out to the farm. Big Mac spotted us just before we reached the farmhouse.
“Whoa! Is this a Royal Visitation?”
I couldn’t resist. “Eeyup.”
Everybody laughed and we were home again. Granny Smith was in the kitchen when passed we through the house headed for the bedroom.
She nailed me, “Where do you think you’re going?”
“To the bed room to change?”
“No weapons in the house. There’s a rack by the front door.” She had me there.
So I left sword and scabbard in the rack but I made sure the pommel showed.
We dropped our gear and I changed into shorts. Big Mac was in the storage barn.
I asked, “What do you need most, Big Mac? And where is Fred?”
He replied, “Fred has the big coarse harrow in the south west carrot field. If you could follow him with the big fine harrow we could knock out a field a day. The mares can can get the seed sorted and ready on a wagon and we’ll be right behind you. We’re late with carrots and need to hurry.”
“Get me a single harness and show me the harrow.”
He did and when it was ready I took off my shorts and sat down.
“Big Mac, you’re going to see something I don’t hide but I don’t advertise either. I will try to talk to you immediately but I have no idea if it will work. I can understand regardless and answer with signs.”
“John . . .”
I changed into my horse body and stood.
“Oh. . .”
“John, you should warn ponies better.”
He can’t hear me. Damned.
Big Mac looked at me, “Fred says he can hear you and will tell me if you need anything.”
I nodded my head.
Big Mac asked, “Has Fred seen you like this?”
I shook my head ‘no’.
“I want to be there the first time he sees you.”
I walked to the front of the harrow and pumped the up peddle until it was road high then I stuck my head in the harness and waved ‘come on’ with my nose.
Big Mac led the way to the field Fred was working. I was lining the harrow up on the corner Fred had started at while Big Mac went out to meet Fred. Fred was at the far end of the field when we got there. I dropped the harness and stepped behind a tree.
Big Mac shouted, “Hey Fred. John is here.”
“He’s over there with the fine harrow.
Fred dropped his harness and headed my way so I stepped out from behind the tree.
Fred started bucking and dancing around.
Fred finally got tired of inspecting ‘Little Fred’ and we got to work. I was striding along with the harrow while Big Mac went back for the mares and the seed. They got four good rows in before dinner time. I stopped by the storage barn and changed bodies. Fun fact: dirt doesn’t make the change with me.
We had just got into some serious eating when Granny pounced, “Where did you get that sword?”
“It was a gift.”
She’s not satisfied, “Who gave it to you?”
“You’ve obviously looked at it. Whose sigil is on it?”
She’s narrowing in, “That’s a royal sword. Only a member of the Royal Herd should carry it.”
“You are absolutely right.” AJ and Swift are both giggling now.
And not going to give up, “So a member of the Royal Herd gave that to you?”
“Of course. The member whose sigil is on it gave it to me. Did you look at the scabbard?”
“Yes. It’s got the entire Royal Herd on it. Obviously property of a Royal.”
“You are half right this time. It is property of a Royal but four members of the Royal herd are not on it.”
“The only member of the Royal Herd missing is Shining Armor. Is it his?”
“It’s too big for Shining and obviously made for somepony with hands. And the other three members of the Royal Herd just joined. The sword is a welcome gift.”
Granny was wound tight enough I’m getting worried about her so I ended the game.
“We joined the Royal Herd, Granny. I’m a Prince of the Realm and AJ and Swift are Duchesses. I’m not sure what that makes you but you’re noble now.”
It took Apple Bloom about three quarters of a second to pick that up, “OH BOY! I’m a Princess!”
I hated to kill that party, but, “I’m sorry Bloom honey but you’re not old enough and you have a lot of studying to do first. Twilight Sparkle is the newest Princess and she has to study so much she lives in a library.”
Didn’t slow her much at all, “I can do that. I can’t wait to tell Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.”
Granny is grinning again. I guess she forgives me for the tease.
We got nearly two hundred acres of carrots and two hundred and forty acres of corn planted. AJ knows the Pegasus in charge of the local weather so she arranged for some rain on those fields and we had a day off. That made it time to work on my second project. I was becoming very comfortable in my horse body but I really needed a pony body too. Not being able to talk was annoying me.
Swift and AJ had gone shopping with a long list provided by Granny. Now that we had farm, Guard, and Royal accounts to draw on we could afford a few luxuries. I wanted some ‘exotic’ foods like smoked salmon.
I picked a shady spot in the orchard and got comfortable. I had made a copy of my inner horse and called him my inner pony but had never used him. I studied my inner human carefully and picked out the larynx parts I wanted and copied them. I made a place for them in my pony body and pasted them in. A little adjustment was needed but it looked workable. I moved into that body and tried to recite the alphabet.
“ay, ee, ee, ee, ee, fa, ga”
Something wasn’t going just right. After twenty minute of frustration I figured it out. My voice was coming out of my nose. When I closed my nose, my lips wouldn’t cooperate. Generally, the equine tongue and pharynx weren’t adaptable enough either. I need a pony. In fact, I need a pony face with all the internal parts included. Now all I have to figure out is how to get one.
Fred gave me this pattern so I assume he could give me another one, if he had a different pattern. Big Mac is the only other pony he talks to so it would have to Big Mac, If he could do it and If Big Mac agreed. Or I could talk a Unicorn or an Alicorn into it. The first problem with that is all of the Alicorns are mares and I’d rather not look and sound like a mare. So I need a fairly strong Unicorn stallion. That leaves Shining or Steel. I have unfinished business with Shining.
We got another nearly four hundred acres planted next two weeks. That is what I like about ponies. If a thing needs doing, it gets done. Eight hundred acres would make for respectable harvest. So we were on our way back to Canterlot with a stop at the weather office to get those fields watered.
AJ’s friend is in. She’s a young Pegasus mare named Rainbow Dash. I was standing in front of the office with Swift when AJ came out with her.
“So this is the big stud that makes you squeal?”
I just smiled.
Rainbow continued, “He’s big enough. What else is he good for?”
AJ’s smiled, “He pulls a team of four plow by himself.”
Rainbow guffawed, “The Prince pulls a plow? Too bad he can’t fight.”
I smiled, “I’ve been looking for a Pegasus sparing partner. You’re a little small but I’d let you try out.”
Wings out and the whole display, “Do you really think you could keep up with me, pretty colt?”
“Rainbow, I would do everything I could to not hurt you.”
AJ is laughing now, “Rainbow, he beat shining Armor in an all day match. He’s serious about not hurting you.”
That lit Rainbow’s fuse, “If you’re afraid to fight me just enter the Ironpony. I’ll beat you there.”
“Sorry, I’m more likely to be judging. And I didn’t beat Shining. Steel stopped the match.”
Rainbow was ready for that, “Yeah, I bet he was afraid Shining was going to hurt you.”
Swift answered, “No, he was afraid they were going to hurt the Castle.”
AJ nodded. Rainbow looked startled, “Now I’m impressed. Just let me know when your ready for that match.”
“Got a mat handy? Or some grass?”
“Sorry, dude. I’m on duty right now.”
I turned to AJ, “Want to wait for the night train?”
AJ ‘thought about it’ for a minute, then, “No, Granny is expecting me.”
So I turned back to Rainbow, “Any time you want, just show up at the Castle. We’ll make time for you. If you want to make it interesting, bring some friends, at least twenty.”
We left Rainbow sputtering.
AJ saw us to the train then headed back to worry about weeds and bugs.
Spike comes bouncing out of the kitchen to greet us as we walk in, “Hi, Dad!”
I had claimed Spike as juvenile relative with the Guard to get him an ID and some local male role models. He needed some as the lone juvenile male in a world of ultra powerful mares. So there it was, right on the ID, sire: Major John Sampson. Swift is tickled to no end to be aunt to a dragon.
“Hello, Spike. All you have to do to earn my undying love is not serve apples. Twilight upstairs?”
Spike looks thoughtful, “John, if you don’t like apples, why did you band into the biggest apple farm in the land? Twilight is in her library.”
“First, I love AJ, her farm is incidental. Second, I like apples, just not multiple dishes with every meal every day. I’m going to check in with her.”
Twilight was deep in thought with books and notes spread across two tables. When she saw me she bounced up and came over to lean against me and rub cheeks. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her against me and she wrapped her wings around me tightening the embrace. Oh my, this is worth weeks away to come home to.
After a long minute we broke the embrace and stepped back.
“What’s this about you adopted Spike?”
“That was one of those fortunate accidents. I got him a Guard ID by claiming him as a juvenile relative. I figured it would make some things easier for him and get him exposed to some male role models. The clerk filling out the form could only find one stallion in his herd not related to his dam, you, so I had to be his sire. He seems to have taken it and run with it.”
“Well, I’m proud of you even if you didn’t ask. A lot of stallions will not accept a foal not related by blood. You even bypass species.”
“Look at yourself, Twilight. That greeting you just put on me would have driven you to a panic attack a few months ago. Swift was right. The foal is gone and a beautiful confident mare has taken her place. That’s what the lack of a good male role model did to you. Now imagine a full grown dragon with a messed up head. How could I not help a friend out of a situation like that?”
“You have a number of messages. Celestia wants to see you informally. Steel wants to know when you get back. The armorers have something for you. The doctor wants to examine your inner pony. And I want you in my bed.”
Vacation was nice, while it lasted.
Back in the Castle for fifteen minutes and I have a list of problems already. Celestia is holding Court so ‘informal’ will have to wait. Steel will likely have something to add to the list but is worth being right with so I’ll start there.
His clerk waved me through. He jumped up behind his desk to bow to me so I saluted him and we both chuckled. I got comfortable and he closed the door.
I said, “I’m officially back, at least for now. Farm life is good and my inner horse loves it.”
Steel nodded, “Everything here is calm. Your legend has grown another notch. It’s hard to miss the difference in Twilight. And I have a report that you will probably want to address personally. It involves loud noises and colored lightning on several occasions from a region between the Everfree and Sweet Apple Acres. It’s been suggested that it might be another arrival similar to yours.”
“Did that report also mention anything about wobbly stars?”
“No but there was some mention of those here at about the same time.”
“Who made the report?”
“It was made by the local weather Pegasi at the request of a number of local officials. The are asking for a squad to investigate. Am I correct in assuming that you are involved in this somehow?”
“For the record, I am completely aware of everything that happened and there is no danger or concern for anypony anywhere. The rest is Royal business and nopony else’s.”
“John, you’ve told me you have a favorite playground somewhere around there. Are you telling me you took a Unicorn out there?”
“Nope.”
“An Alicorn?
“I can’t tell you that.”
Steel nodded, “I understand. The report was made by Rainbow Dash, who is one of the Element Bearers and a very stubborn pony. You might want to pay a personal visit.”
“We’ve met. In fact, I just came from arranging rain for the farm so I know what you mean. Prince John relieves you of this responsibility.”
“Thank you. I’ve heard the armorers have something ready for you. Want to go check it out?”
“Hell yes. I might even wear it to this conversation just for the effect.”
They did good. They not only had a beautiful and fully functional sword, somepony had put some thought into a scabbard. It had a belt with a broad strap that went from just outside of my left knee to the belt then up and over my right shoulder and back to the belt in the front. There was a short and fairly wide mouthed scabbard on the bottom and two hooks for the cross even with my right shoulder. The hooks had some spring action to them so the sword took a lot of effort to start up but would be free almost immediately. It could be extremely dangerous for anyone too close behind me but I could get it around and into action about as fast as a conventional sword. I liked it a lot and said so.
The sword had my mark in the pommel and the entire Royal Herd engraved on the blade with Celestia on top and me on the bottom. Celestia’s mark and mine were slightly larger than the rest. Holy crap, this is naming me herd stallion and protector.
I put it all on and headed for the lab. Making sure everypony was clear, I dialed up my strength a little and practiced drawing and swinging it. It is sweet.
One of the armorers told me, “That post over there is our proof test. It’s extra hard wood. Hit it hard as you can. The depth will tell us how hard you hit and any flaws in the blade will come out then.”
So I squared off with the post and it felt like cutting bread, mushy with drag but no real resistance. I cut the post clean through.
They were just beaming, “The blade is enchanted to be unbreakable and always sharp. You just proved it.”
“I don’t know how to say it. The first blade you made saved my life and my hope for this one is to save Equestria. Good work, hell, great work.” And we bowed to each other.
I’ve got to find some challenges for those two.
I left Steel at his office and still had a couple of hours left so I headed for the doctor. The double takes at my new sword are hilarious. The admin nurse didn’t question anything. Major John was too much for her so Prince John is scary.
I unbuckled my sword and got undressed in the exam room. Doctor Red came right in.
“What’s this about a pony body?”
I sighed, “I’m working on one but I’m not there yet. I do have a complete and fully functional horse body. I’ll show you in a minute but first you have to know that the horse body has practically no vocal ability. I can understand you but I can only answer by things like head movements or pointing.”
“Go ahead.”
So I bent over and shifted before my hooves hit the floor. The doctor blinked then stared a normal exam.
“Do you have your magic in this shape?”
I nodded.
“I can hear the multiple heartbeat so there is no doubt it is your body. Your skeletal structure is subtly different but within the realm of possible for a pony. The same applies to most of your organs with the eyes being the most striking difference.”
He looked at my mouth carefully, “No, you’ll never speak understandably with that structure unless there’s a translation spell of some kind.”
I changed back and said, “I’d like a semen sample taken too. I’ve got a sterility spell on my human body and I’d like to be sure it applies to this body too.”
“I can tell you that already. It does. Any Unicorn can see it if they know where to look.”
“Good, I’ll still have to find out if I’m making pony sperm or horse sperm but I’ll leave that until I have the sterility spell removed.”
I promised the doctor to come back for that fertility exam and some other detail work and then I promised myself some dinner.
Swift was sitting at the table. Twilight was deep in whatever she had going on in her library. Spike was ranting at Twilight.
So I got involved, “Hello, Twilight.”
“mumble mumble”
“You’ve got to do better than that, Twilight.”
“In a minute.”
Spike just looked disgusted, “It’s been ‘in a minute’ for forty five minutes now.”
“Last chance, Twilight.”
“Just one more minute.”
I counted it down then reached over and grasped Twilight around the barrel lifting her and walking toward the stairs. It got loud.
“Twilight, language like that in front of Spike?”
That slowed her down.
“You need to eat. I need to eat. And we need to talk. After dinner the problem will still be here.”
“Put me down. I’ll eat. But some day you’ll go too far.”
“That relates to one of the subjects I want to discuss. Please take a good look at my new sword in the rack next to the front door.”
“I don’t care about stallion games.”
“It’s not the blade I want you to see. It’s the decorations.”
A very somber Twilight came to the table.
“Does that mean what I think it means, John?”
“I know almost as much about it as you do. I am going to be standing next to Celestia when she raises the sun in the morning and it will most certainly figure into the conversation somewhere. When I leave there I will have to run an errand to Ponyville. When I return I will come home to here.”
Swift wanted to know, “What’s in Ponyville that we just missed?”
“I’ve got to clean up your mess.”
Swift was surprised, “My mess?”
“Yeah. Remember that deal you made with Cadance? Well the locals are demanding an investigation of the loud noises and bright lights from our campsite.”
“Oh no. You made those lights and noises. That’s another of your messes, not mine.”
Twilight is giggling and Spike is just confused.
I had sympathy for Spike, “It was one of those heat week events, Spike.”
We groomed a little while then piled in the bedroom.
I love the feel of feathers. But a small voice is saying, “Zero four hundred, John.” So I must put them aside and stumble to the toilet. I hear Swift doing the same on the other side.
Spike has that wonderful tea ready and a few cups later I am beginning to resemble life. This morning will be different. I will dress in an official uniform and carry my sword when I leave here and have breakfast but no PT.
There is an electric atmosphere when I step into the cafeteria. Everypony rises and bows. Swift heads for the window to get our food. I acknowledge and take my seat. My sword takes the seat next to mine. There’s a lot of quiet conversations going on around the room.
Swift brings my favorite and we eat quietly.
“Swift, you don’t have to go with me.”
“I want to. And you need somepony to watch your back.”
“You can’t go with me when I speak with the Princesses. You’ll have to wait in the throne room.”
“I understand.”
“I wish you could. It’s an experience that more ponies should have, standing between Luna and Celestia as they change the night to day.”
Luna was sitting on Her Throne looking bored.
“Hail, John Sampson and Swift Trail.”
“Hello, Your Majesty.” And bowed to her.
“Thou art here with the ultimate goal of Audience with Celestia.”
“She has asked for me but I choose to visit with friends also.”
“Well said, friend John. Let us adjourn to somewhere more comfortable.”
She rose and we followed her to the garden behind the Throne Room.
She seated Herself and, “Have great care, friend John. I believe that Celestia be building a Throne for thou. Accepting it would’st mean the end of many things for thou.”
“Have you seen my new sword, Luna. It makes a very interesting read.”
I turned to make it easy for Her to see.
“Truly, friend John, this confirms thy fate. Thou must admit to walking merrily to thy gallows.”
“I don’t see that.”
“This season last, thou covered every mare of the Royal Herd save one. Thy be one short step from Herd Stallion. Thy sword shouts My Sister’s intention to take that step.”
“Friend Luna, will you grant me a small favor? I wish for Swift to accompany us to the balcony and witness the Majesty of the Sisters. It would not be safe for her to witness Celestia’s machinations so You would have to bring her back down to wait for me in the Throne Room.”
“It would be my pleasure, friend John.”
“By the way, it will amuse you to know that I will travel to Ponyville when we are done here for the purpose of allaying fears of a magical disturbance some weeks ago in a small pasture between the Apple farm and the Everfree Forest.”
That got a full laugh from Luna, “Oh, John. Were we so loud?”
“It seems a habit with me.”
Swift was looking disturbed.
“Friend Swift, be thou enjoying thy introduction to the Royal lifestyle?”
Swift replied, “It’s my fault. John was there because I made a deal with Cadance to trade time with him for time with Shining.”
Luna cast a sympathetic look at Swift, “And how did it come to pass that Cadance was there at that moment? Because Celestia invited Her? This be the very nature of life with My Sister.”
Luna rose and motioned for us to follow. We traced the familiar path to the special balcony where Celestia was waiting. I’m getting used to it but Swift is frozen in awe. Then it is done and I’m headed to confrontation with Celestia. Luna is shepherding an awestruck Swift.
We made our way to a familiar kitchen where two cups of tea were waiting.
Celestia was all smiles, “I am proud of what you’ve done for Twilight. My faith in you has been more than justified.”
I smiled back, “Thank you, just remember that I did it for Twilight, not for you.”
“I have heard that you are on your way to Ponyville to attend to some Royal Affairs.”
“I’d say more like squash a Royal Affair.”
“I see you’re wearing your new sword. How do you like it?”
“I love it. The decorations confuse me, though.”
“You know what it means. We need to break you in gradually and get to work on that plan of yours at the same time. Next season we can confirm your full status. You can start by sitting court with Twilight occasionally.”
“Be explicit, Celestia. You know I won’t be a figurehead.”
“Herd Stallion, Consort to me and co-ruler should be enough. If your plan to improve the herd works as well as your plan to improve Twilight, you will have earned it.”
"What will Luna do?"
"Luna will do as she does now except for fewer boring government functions. She will like it better.
"And you think the Blueblood herd will just accept their loss of status?”
“Will they have a choice?”
“They will always have choices, just maybe no good ones. Beware of ponies that believe the first step to winning a thing is making sure that you don't. And Celestia, no matter what the world sees or believes, my mares are protected. That is absolute and includes Twilight.”
“I have no problem with that, John. You have some of the finest mares in Equestria. Your band will be making the finest foals, exactly what we need.”
I made way back to the Throne Room and collected Swift there. She was still somewhat in shock but she had a message from Luna.
“Luna said to take the Royal Train. The Herd Stallion rates it and it will get us there and back before lunch.”
Luna must have ordered it readied because they were just pulling up to the platform when we got to the station. We board and are on our way.
Swift is sorting many things, “John, what have we got ourselves into? The Sisters have the power of goddesses and we are taking to Royal train to Ponyville because you covered one of them. It hurts my head to think about.”
“Swift, it’s going to get worse before it gets better. Celestia is herd mare to all ponies. She is going to do what is best for the greater herd no matter how it affects any individual. That isn’t a bad thing but she’s been alone in this position for a thousand years. She has lost many things we take for granted and doesn’t remember what she’s lost.”
We rode along deep in thought for a while then the train began to slow. We were approaching Ponuville.
“Please, John, take AJ there as soon as you can. She needs to know who they really are.”
It is morning in Ponyville. The world is shiny and new as ponies begin the day’s business. We head for the weather office across town.
There is organized chaos when walk in. They are getting the day’s assignments out. Rainbow Dash is in the back of the room directing things.
Rainbow looks up, “If you have any changes you better make them fast. The crew is leaving in minutes.”
“No changes. This is an official visit. Get your crews out then we will talk privately.”
A few seconds later I heard a gasp behind me. Somepony has noticed my sword. More ponies arrived and there is a hushed conference.
“We’re sorry, Ma’am. We didn’t know.”
They’re bowing to Swift.
Swift turns on them and opens up in her best Sergeant to worm voice, “You still don’t know. Read the rest of it!”
“Ma’am, we don’t recognize the mark in the Stallion’s position.”
I turned slightly and pulled my pants down enough to expose my flank. Several exclamations followed.
“Forgive us Your Majesty.”
My point was made, “Nothing to forgive. The Title is new so you wouldn’t know. Get on with your jobs so I can get my business done.”
In a few minutes we were walking into an office behind Rainbow. Swift closed the door behind us.
Rainbow bowed and motioned for me to take her chair, “Please forgive me for my conduct yesterday. I didn’t know about your Title.”
“I didn’t either, Rainbow. Celestia made the decision while I was working with AJ on the farm. I’m wearing the sword to accustom myself to the weight because I got it after returning to Canterlot yesterday. But I’m here because you have made inquiry into Royal business, my personal Royal business.”
“The only inquiry I’ve sent was to the Guard to ask for an investigation of unknown phenomena near the Everfree. Is that it?
“The very same. I was there myself for all events and I can state absolutely that there is no danger or concern for anypony anywhere. The rest is nopony’s business.”
“Is there nothing else I can tell the mayor? Several ponies are worried it may be something dangerous.”
“Like me? You can tell them that I said it was my personal business and that I might consider too much curiosity as a personal challenge.
“Rainbow, you’re not stupid. Take what you know about ponies in general, what you know about these incidents, and what you learned today and put it all together. You’ll figure it out and then you will never say a word unless you want a whole flock of pissed Alicorns after your ass. Use me as a club to scare the mayor into line.”
“Yes, Your Majesty. And thank you.”
“And just for your information, AJ is a Duchess too.”
“Good to know.”
We headed off to visit AJ on the farm and let her in on the news.
We walked in the kitchen door to find Granny baking and AJ in the front room updating records. I drew my sword and propped next to the door. It was just too much for the rack.
“Where’s Big Mac?”
AJ replied, “He’s in the barn doing wagon maintenance.”
I turned to Swift, “Could you go get him?”
And she ran out the door.
AJ was curious now, “I’m not mad but I am wondering, why are you back so soon?”
“I have an announcement to make but I want Big Mac in on it too.”
Swift came in the door with Big Mac about half a minute later.
“Granny, since you are an expert on swords, could you please come read this one?”
She walked up to it and stretched to get a good look at the top of the blade.
“This definitely from the Royal Armory. It has their signature all over it. The whole Royal Herd is on it including AJ and Swift. And it has John listed as Herd Stallion opposite Celestia.”
Big Mac recovered first, “John, who all did you have in the pocket pasture?”
“I can’t give you details except to say they were all Alicorns.”
“No wonder it was so loud.”
Granny has fallen over and is laughing so hard she can barely breathe.
“I . . . I . . . told you . . . he was a good stallion.”
“Granny, you know we can’t let that get outside the Herd?”
“Of course, colt”
AJ is looking worried, “Where does this leave me and Swift?”
“AJ, my exact words this very morning, ‘no matter what the world sees or believes, my mares are protected. That is absolute and includes Twilight’. Celestia agreed. Get Swift to tell you what her morning was like.”
Swift took a deep breath, “AJ, we stood between Luna and Celestia as they lowered the moon and raised the sun. There is a lot more to the Royal Herd than just being Royal. You need to go and experience it for yourself. You especially need to talk with Luna for a while.”
We had more stops to make so we said goodbye after a short detour to see Fred. My first priority was Rarity.
As we were walking in the door Rarity gushed, “Your Majesty, come right in. I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Then you know what I need if I’m going to be holding Court. You might also want to allow for this sword on a few outfits.”
“You can have anything that you can dream of. I’ve spoken with Twilight and you deserve it for what you’ve done for her.”
“Rarity, everything I did, I did for Twilight. Period. You owe me nothing and I will pay you if I have to toss gold bricks through the window. And I’m ‘John’ when we’re private. Save the pomp and circumstance for official functions.”
“Okay, John. What else can I do for you?”
“Upgrade Swift and AJ too. No great hurry, just deliver it to the Palace when you’re done or set a date for fitting. I may be traveling but not for long.”
We passed through the cafe and got a big box lunch. The train was ready to go when we got to the station. We boarded and that was it. Nothing to do but enjoy lunch and grooming until we get to Canterlot.
Twilight was unhappy. We were assigned to hold Court tomorrow morning. It was bad enough that she had to interrupt her studies but she had been instructed by Celestia to let me lead and only become involved if I asked. I’m trying to explain to her that this is Celestia testing me. Can I represent the Herd or will I go to pieces under public pressure? It’s the same kind of thing that her brother had to survive. Besides, if I can get good enough to solo, she gets more time for research. That penetrated.
Then I had an idea. What about Spike? Yes, it was perfectly acceptable for Spike to be there to answer protocol questions. So if a foreign ambassador showed up by surprise I could ask Spike how to greet them etc.
Swift and Spike role played with me to give me more of a feel for common Court matters. Twilight got to go back to whatever was consuming her in the library. When we broke for dinner Spike had only to threaten to summon me to get Twilight to the table. Afterwards we groomed and talked until pile time.
Feathers. Soft, warm feathers. And that small voice, “Zero four hundred, John.” Slip carefully out from under the feathers and off the pad. It’s morning. Bounce off wall and into bathroom. Dodge Swift coming back out and head for kitchen. Give me caffeine! Begin life.
Swift joined us and dove into her tea but Twilight didn’t show. I stretched and got into my cammies. Still no Twilight.
“Spike, we’re going to breakfast and PT. I will be at the Throne Room before zero eight hundred. If Twilight isn’t there, I will come get her. Be sure you tell her that.
We walked into the cafeteria to sighs of relief. John is back and the world is going to be okay. I’m feeling extravagant so I go for a chicken and cheese omelet. The cook said it would take some time and I said I didn’t care if I had some fruit to keep me alive.
There are some new faces in the room. They’re easy to spot, they’re the ones that can’t stop staring. The ‘old hooves’ are explaining it to them. When my food is ready the cook just calls my name and the newbies buzz again. This is fun to watch.
PT went as usual other than one of the newbies that had joined us. She looked up and saw me coming with a deadpony in each hand and freaked. Swift got her calmed down and she apologized. We showered and changed to be ready for Court and yep, they were lined up at the door with our frightened newbie in the lead. They bowed and I saluted.
When I got to the Throne Room a Nightguard showed me to Luna’s private office. Luna greeted me with a hug.
“Art thou ready, John Sampson?”
“No, but that won’t stop me anyway. I’m worried about Twilight. She is having some sort of block.”
“Dost thou know where she be?”
“In her tower last I looked. I left word that I would come get her at eight if she wasn’t here.”
“Oh, friend John, that be not wise when anypony can teleport. I feel her presence not in the Castle.”
“Could you detect Spike if he were in the tower?”
“I be blind to all save Alicorn, Unicorn, and you.”
Interesting. Turning to Swift, “Check the tower and bring Spike if you find him.”
Back to Luna, “Is there a way to find or communicate with her?”
“Not if she chooses to block.”
“Okay, then we do without. Who has the list of cases?”
It was nothing but contract renewals and proclamations. All simple and easy. After lunch we have a boundary dispute that may require some thought.
Swift came in without Spike. Damned.
But Swift had news, “Spike will be here before Court starts and may bring Twilight. He was very upset because Twilight told him that you were abandoning them then teleported out herself. I told him what you said at AJ’s and he calmed down. He has a way to send letters to Twilight no matter where she is, so he is trying that.”
“That explains a lot. If the list doesn’t change it’s nothing but simple anyway so we’ll survive.”
Spike showed but Twilight didn’t. So I sat in the big chair with Spike on one side and Swift on the other. I mange to read all the Proclamations without stumbling over the flowery language. Then the contracts begin.
Step right up. Time to renew the contract. Did any terms change since last renewal? No. Is X Department satisfied with the service/item? Yes. Renewed. Next. And right on down the lines until something went wobbly.
It happened at ‘Did any terms change?’. The price more than doubled for trail rations.
“What’s changed here that you need more than twice the bits?”
“We had a blight in our orchards and have to ship fruit from another orchard at a much higher cost.”
“Have you tried to find a better source?”
“We haven’t found one.” Not exactly what I asked.
“Have you considered subbing the manufacturing until you can get your farm in order? It will be much cheaper to ship the product without all the rinds, peals, seeds, and cores. I can give you a little room until you recover but more than double means a new RFP.”
“I don’t know about that. I’ll have to ask my boss.” Why is he so nervous?
“The contract ends in ninety days. You have thirty days to explore your options and bring me something better. If you can’t, it’s out for bids. I feel your pain but the Crown can’t be your insurance company. Next.”
Something caught my eye in the visitors gallery. It’s Blueblood leaving.
There were a couple of more routine contracts and it over until thirteen hundred hours.
We headed for Luna’s office and she was waiting.
“John Sampson, doest thou understand that strange contract?”
“I believe I do. I’ll bet good money that AJ recently got an incredibly good offer for apples delivered to the company with that contract renewal. Had I okayed it, I would have been later revealed as having taken graft money from the supplier. The cost of raw fruit simply isn't that big a factor in the total price. Did you notice Blueblood leave the gallery when that was over?”
Spike woke up then, “I thought it was boring then you tell me we got attacked and I missed it?”
“Yes, Spike. Blueblood changed from simple assassination to character assassination. Don’t worry. It isn’t over.”
“Hast anypony objection to lunch in mine kitchen?”
That got a chorus of ‘no’s.
Thirteen hundred hours and I’m back in the big chair when the doors swing open and the next case walks in. It’s a real estate boundary dispute. A river is the boundary and it has done what rivers inevitably do, move. Now both sides claim what it moved across.
To the first party, “What does your deed show?” Swift brings it. Yep, all land to the edge of the river.
To the second party, “What does your deed show?” Swift brings it. Yep, same thing to the other edge of the river.
Got a map? Yep. And we spread it out. It shows a nice, normal river meandering across the countryside and two oxbow lakes. One lake is old and the other is what brought us here today. There is a nice house with dock and other facilities on the land now within the oxbow. It’s no longer accessible to the builder and the new owner of the land is positively ecstatic at what he considers a gift from the gods.
So, “First, let us state some absolutes. The land belongs to the owner of the rest of the land on that side of the river. Both deeds clearly state so. Everything on the land belongs to pony that paid for it or built it, the former owner of the land.
“Does the owner of the house care to sell it and if so, for how much?”
I could buy a nice multi-story in the noble sector of Canterlot for that price. It doesn’t matter anyway. The new landowner says he doesn’t have to pay for it. It’s on his land and if it isn’t moved, it’s his.
“You are both greedy and stubborn. The house owner has ninety days to remove any and every thing he wants from the land except dirt. The land owner will allow free and unrestricted access. At the end of the ninety days the house owner may sell what is left or burn it at his discretion. There will be no restrictions on methods of removal save that the land must not be damaged.
“I would have thought something sensible might have been worked out like listing it with an agent in Canterlot for rental and splitting the money but I’m not going to be back here next year to listen to you two sniveling about who made the most money. Any final statements?”
They both look dumbfounded.
“Let it be recorded and done. Anybody else?”
There wasn’t. I stretched and paced for a few minutes then, “Court is ended. Let’s go home.”
We went back to Luna’s office. Still no news on Twilight.
Luna was amused, “That be a most entertaining show, John Sampson. How will thou answer if they appeal to Celestia?”
“I expect them to, or to just come back to me. They have ninety days to contemplate destroying a major asset or getting along well enough to profit nicely from it. What do you think they will do?”
Luna and Swift are laughing now.
“Spike, could you send another of those letters?”
“Sure, but I don’t know what I could say different.”
“I’m going to write it.”
I did and signed it. Spike burned it and we waited.
‘pop’ And Twilight is there. I grab her and wrap her up.
“Dammit, Twilight, don’t ever do that to me again.”
“Why do you want me? You have Celestia.”
“Did you read that letter Spike sent you? And, by the way, dumping on Spike is not cool.”
“You’re Herd Stallion and she’s Herd Mare. That makes you her stallion.”
“Do you remember that ‘sold my soul’ moment? This is what was meant. I restated it yesterday morning ‘no matter what the world sees or believes, my mares are protected. That is absolute and includes Twilight’. Celestia wants me as the foundation of her great new herd. I told her she could have me for that purpose as long those I love were kept safe and with me. You were specifically named so she would understand that she didn’t control you.”
“What about Celestia. Is she one of your mares?”
“She’s part of the herd, so, yes. When she asks, I will cover her. But that only lasts as long as she keeps my band safe. That’s the herd mare’s duty.”
“Am I part of your band?”
“I just said so, didn’t I? I named you to be sure there was no confusion.”
The wings came out again. We rubbed cheeks and shared breath for a minute.
“Twilight, this is the part of me that Celestia doesn’t have. You do. The price is sharing the other part of me. Can you live with that?”
I have some explaining to do, “Twilight, I’m sorry I made some silly assumptions. I know that Celestia owns a condo in your head. I’ve told her to her face that I’m going to evict her. Where I was stupid was assuming that it was anywhere near done. You are mine until you say different. The old conditions of keeping a distance are gone. What I need to do is communicate more. You are growing up and coming into guiding your own affairs. I can’t give you the heart, yet. But that is one of the big reasons I dance with Celestia. She is the one that could make it possible.”
Swift contributed, “Twilight, I’m just beginning to glimpse some of the things John does. I don’t understand the whole of them at all. But I’m the first pony he met and his first mare and I know that every single thing he has done has made things better for us. I trust him completely and without limit. I felt his oath to me and his oath to AJ. That’s why I could invite him to go play with an Alicorn knowing full well that she could do things for him that no Earth pony could match. It’s his fate to roam far and wide but he always comes home. And that oath when he sold his soul, that was for you. He could walk away from everything Royal and live happy with me and AJ on the farm. The deal with Celestia is for you.”
Luna was somber, “Listen to friend Swift, Twilight. There be much wisdom in what she says. Celestia hath been in pursuit of stallion John from the very beginning. Yet John chose you. There be much meaning in that.”
She has me wrapped up tight. I don’t know if I could get out without breaking something. Little sobs and tremors are running through her as she processes what she is being told.
“Twilight, darling, do you have any questions?”
She is shaking but gaining coherence. Whispering in my ear, “Why, John, why would you possibly prefer me over Celestia.”
“It’s a complicated story, Twilight. Can I tell it after we get comfortable at home?”
Luna cut in, “Tell her, John. Surely thy knows it’s no surprise to me.”
With a nod to Luna, “Twilight, Celestia is a magnificent Goddess with great strength and wisdom. She is exactly the mare I want to head my herd and keep my band safe. But she is a matron. She has already passed her peak and has nowhere left to go but down. Why do you think you are the Element Bearer? And Twilight, as a freshly Elevated Alicorn, barely out of foalhood, with maybe ten percent of the power you will eventually have, you are her equal. You are the future, Twilight, the mare I want my foals out of.
“And I’m not Celestia’s herd stallion because I want to add another Alicorn tail to my collection, I’m Herd Stallion because I’m the strongest trustworthy candidate and she needs the help. I’m willing to do whatever the job requires including accepting Celestia as one of my mares and siring foals out of her because it’s the way to make Equestria a safe and prosperous place for the ponies that I love. My dream is to live long enough to be your Herd Stallion some day.
“Twilight, let go of me. Luna needs us.”
Luna is just standing there with her head down and tears streaming. Twilight opens her wings and I shift her to my right arm. Moving to Luna, I lift her with my left arm and hold her to me as Twilight wraps her wings around both of us. Luna is resting her chin on my shoulder quietly crying.
Looking at Spike and Swift, “This never leaves this room. Ever!”
After a while Luna whispers in my ear, “Thank you, John. This be the reason thou must be Herd Stallion. No other in Equestria could look upon a Goddess crying and think of nothing but to comfort her. Thou may release me.”
Twilight opened her wing and I set Luna delicately on the floor. Swift quickly lends a shoulder to brace Luna.
Luna smiles weakly at Swift, “Friend Swift, truly thy induction into the Royal mystique proceeds apace.”
Swift smiles back, “Mystique be damned. When a friend needs . . .”
Luna is stronger now, “Be careful, friend Swift, thou art becoming John Sampson.”
I had a thought, “Luna, would you like some company tonight? Any or all of us?”
“John, thou art overdue for conference with Celestia about today’s Court. Twilight be in sore need of rest and Spike would best attend her. I would welcome some conversation with friend Swift whilst thou be closeted with Celestia.”
Celestia was in her favorite office, “Well, John, I was wondering if you had forgotten me.”
“I was handling a tricky eviction proceeding and lost track of time. What would you like to know?”
“Why didn’t you renew the contract for trail rations?”
“Because it is a trap by Blueblood. The numbers and explanations simply didn’t line up. If I had renewed it he would have later announced that AJ was the one getting the extra more than double bits on the contract. He will be back to complain and challenge my action and authority. It’s a win-win for him. If I accept the contract, I am guilty of graft. If I deny it, I am guilty of favoritism or prejudice. Either way, he gets to challenge me as an alien usurper.”
“He has already challenged your decision. I will hear his appeal in the morning. What details can you tell me?”
“The first thing that caught my attention was a more than doubling of the price. When I asked for an explanation, I was told that blight had hit their orchard and they had to buy fruit from an outside source. The cost of the raw fruit is a very small part of the total to make a food. They would have to pay twenty times the market price to run their costs up that much. I suggested seeking a better source for the fruit or subcontracting this season’s production to allow their farm to recover. I offered a smaller but unspecified increase to help them through their difficulty and gave them a thirty day extension to look for solutions. When they failed to even inquire about the details it confirmed to me that it was a planned trap. Blueblood left the visitors gallery just in time to meet the contractor in the hall.
“We need to know how they picked this day and who AJ has been approached by.”
“You can borrow Luna’s chariot later and go get AJ. Let’s see if we can find out who signed him in.”
It turns out our contractor is a regular visitor. He signed up for my Court as soon as he saw it posted and declined a chance to be heard the same day he signed up. The Guardpony that signed him in is on the witness list for tomorrow. I’m on my way to get AJ.
First I have to see Luna and pick up Swift. I’m in luck, everypony is still in Luna’s office talking.
“Hey Spike, I want you to know that I always keep my promises. You’re on the witness list for tomorrow morning’s Court. So are you, Swift. Blueblood has made complaint about my handling of the trail ration contract. Twilight, are you up for a teleport to pick up AJ?”
Luna jumped in, “I am able.”
“What about the moon. I don’t know how long it will take to locate the record we need and I wouldn’t want you to miss that appointment. How long do we have, anyway?”
“There be around an hour to go. I can perform my duty wheresoever I may be or teleport back.”
“Let’s go.”
“Picture thy desire.”
I did and leaned over to make it easy for her to reach and we were there in front of the Apple homestead.
“Hello AJ,” as I headed for the door. They were all seated at the table enjoying a formerly quiet dinner. Oops. Then Luna walked in behind me. Granny shot up behind the table.
“Be welcome at our humble table, Your Majesty.” and she bowed. AJ and Big Mac were about a second behind her.
Luna replied, “I be grateful for thou fine offer but our business willst not permit us to tarry.”
I stepped in, “AJ, have you recently taken a contract for emergency delivery at an extreme price?”
AJ looked startled, “We just shipped them out today. I wouldn’t even have sold them normally but they offered such great price for rush service.”
“AJ, that was Blueblood trying to trap me on graft charges. We hold Court on it in the morning. I need every record and detail you have and I need you for a witness in the morning.”
“Do you have the Royal train waiting?” AJ wondered.
“That’s our ‘ride’ standing behind me and we need to get back quickly so Luna can raise the moon.”
“Oh. The papers are all on my desk. I haven’t had a chance to file them.”
AJ sorted through her papers and put several into a saddle bag. Throwing it on, “I’m ready.”
As we passed back through the kitchen, Bloom finally overcame her awe, “Are you really going to ride a Princess all the way to Canterlot?”
I couldn’t leave that one, “Yes we are. Wanna watch?”
Bloom shot out of her seat and after us. We stepped out to the middle of the front yard, stood side by side and ‘pop’ we were in Luna’s office.
“John Sampson, thou be incorrigible.”
AJ scowled at me, “You know, Granny is going to get you for that.”
Everypony else was gone but a large bowl of fruit was sitting on her desk. I tossed AJ an apple and kept one for myself as a third floated to Luna.
I suggested, “Luna, can we follow you to the balcony and come back down with Celestia when you are done?”
“Certainly. Methinks Celestia would prefer it that way.”
We reduced the fruit bowl for a while then it was time to go up to the balcony. AJ watched quietly then we thanked Luna and went to plan the morning’s Court with Celestia.
“AJ, tell us what happened with this order in detail.”
“Yesterday afternoon a Unicorn walked up to the farm house and asked for me. She said she had a company that made rations for the Guard and their stock of apples had been ruined by accident. They had a deadline to meet and didn’t want to let the Guard down so she wanted to buy apples to replace the lost stock if we could ship them immediately. She offered a bonus if we could ship within twenty four hours. I said that premium shipping covered it. We finished the papers and left together for town. When I went into the shipping office to arrange for wagons in the morning, she went on and I never saw her again. When I got back to the farm this check was on my desk.”
AJ pulled a check from her bag and passed it to me. Yep, it was for about the difference in the contract price. I passed it to Celestia.
I look at AJ, “That is the very same amount that they needed to add to their contract that I was supposed to approve in Court this morning. We both turned them down so we avoided that trap but now they will say one of us demanded the money and I turned them down in Court because they didn’t pay fast enough or used a check. You will have to testify and it is a safe bet that somepony will claim you asked for that amount, maybe even that you bragged I would kill their contract if they didn’t pay. They may also say that we are mistreating them because I hate blue ponies or something equally absurd.”
AJ is livid, “Do you think they are foolish enough to accuse me of lying? How absurd can they get?”
“AJ, you are my mare. They will claim that disqualifies you from testifying about me. It would if you weren’t the Element of Honesty. When you say that, they will start shouting ‘Royal Privilege’. Celestia, do think it would help to bring Shining in to examine me?”
“He will be here, John. I have asked Cadance to preside to remove any trace of favoritism for my own stallion. But I fear they will try to tar the entire Royal Herd with the same brush. There are already stories circulating in town of your strange alien way of bedazzling ponies.”
“I really hope they use that one. We could call Doctor Red in to testify about my health as a stallion. That might be an idea anyway as soon as they use the ‘alien’ word. The definition of ‘species’ for most purposes is ‘able to reproduce successfully’.”
Celestia is thoughtful, “John, do you really want to make this a Royal issue? Once this bucket of worms is open they will explore every single part of your life looking for something that will squick the average pony.”
“I hope they do. I have nothing to be ashamed of and we could put this scarecrow in its grave permanently.”
Celestia is still worried, “It could go on for days and drag everypony you care about in to it with you.”
“Celestia, if they insult my band or herd beyond a minor level, I will stand up and call it a stallion challenge. One way or the other, it will end there.”
AJ was seriously worried now, “Are you sure that is wise, John?”
“AJ, if he accepts it is their plan from the beginning and we might as well get it over with. If he tries to paint me as unstable I will launch into my main theme as the protector of my herd. Celestia, how would most mares feel about having great strong meat eating stallion devoted to protecting them and their foals?”
Celestia laughed, “You know how that will work. Half the tails in the room will go straight up.”
We kicked ideas back and forth for a while then AJ and I headed for the tower to get a good night’s rest. There was much hugging and happy greeting when we walked in the door.
But Twilight wasn’t entirely happy. She took me off for a private moment, “I’m sorry, John. I should have been there. I could have stopped them.”
“No you couldn’t. Their plan allowed for that. It’s better this way. It’s pure stallion challenge now and we’ve got that covered. And Twilight, did you fully understand what was going on with Luna?”
“I’m not sure, John.”
“Think about this. Luna and Celestia are the same age effectively. Celestia has recently, in Alicorn terms, passed her peak and begun to feel the years. Where was Luna when the same thing happened to her?”
When should we hit the bank? Late at night would mean fewer ponies but more magic. In the day would be sooner and less chance they had already hidden files but there would be major resistance. In the end it turned out to be decided for us. It would take until after midnight to get enough Guardponies without completely gutting the Castle and nearly that long to round up the right Unicorns. So we go in at zero three hundred.
The strategizing was done. Everything was in motion. So we are having a late dinner in the tower. AJ is has been on a non-stop boil since leaving the Ponyville bank.
I tried reason, “AJ, slow down or you will burn yourself out before you get to hit one of them.”
Didn’t work. She’s mad.
I tried again, “You know they have my money too?”
She is not going to slow down until she sees them squirm.
“AJ, as a Guard officer, as your stallion, and as your friend, if you don’t start acting like you have good sense I am going to lock you in the castle until this is over.
That got her attention, “You wouldn’t dare.”
“I would much rather have a pissed AJ than a dead AJ.”
I grabbed Twilight, “Twilight, help me distract AJ. We’ve got seven hours to wait and at the rate she’s going, she’ll blow a gasket before then.”
We got AJ sat down in the main room but she was too fidgety for much grooming.
Time for plan B, “Twilight, is there anything that happened today that you have any questions about?”
“As a matter of fact, there is. I want to know what Smoky was talking about.”
Great choice Twilight, “Which part of it? He covered a broad range in a few words.”
“Start with you being an Earth pony.”
This is one that confuses me sometimes, “Think carefully. Do I have a horn? Nope. So I’m not a Unicorn. Do I have wings? Nope. So I can’t be a Pegasus. What’s left?”
“But you have strong magic.”
“And AJ doesn’t?”
After three false starts I had sympathy on Twilight, “What you are experiencing is the unconscious Unicorn bias. You grew up as a Unicorn in a Unicorn family among Unicorns. Unicorns are the ponies that have magic because you can’t do magic without a horn.”
“Pegasi have magic in their wings. They couldn’t fly without it.”
“Twilight, I have flown in machines larger than most buildings in Equestria. It’s a very common thing on Terra. So I know better than anypony just how much Pegasi depend on magic. But you know what really amazes me? It’s the way they can hold and manipulate things with their feathers.”
“That’s just another aspect of the magic in their wings.”
“Yes it is. But have you ever wondered what might be possible if they worked as hard as a Unicorn to train that aspect of their magic? We know that the feathers are contributing no physical strength at all so there must be some projection of magic going on.”
“I’ve never seen anything about that in my studies.”
“That’s because wings are for flying and nothing else need be known. But back to me and AJ. We don’t have wings or horns so we can’t do magic. Now go ask your brother how he feels about that. He’s a high level Unicorn and he can’t beat my magic.”
“Yes but you’re different, John.”
“And so is AJ? Because you told me that the Elements are highest level magic. Irregardless, I don’t have a horn or wings but I can change bodies at will. Can you do that?”
“You are still different.”
“Okay. A Unicorn can communicate with my mind if they touch me. Fred can do it long distance. Where’s Fred’s horn? I know, Fred is different too.”
“But what does all of this have to do with Smoky anyway?”
“You have to do Alicorn level magic to be Royal. You have to start as Unicorn to get to Alicorn. So only Unicorns can be Royal. I’m not minimizing how hard you studied to get there. I’m just wondering where a Pegasus or Earth Pony could go with that level of study.”
“Pegasi have flight schools and Earth ponies study engineering.”
“And there it stops. At least Pegasi can look at you and say ‘she’s half Pegasus’. How many engineers get invited to magic school?”
“Why would an engineer want to go to magic school?”
“Yeah, that’s as silly as a Unicorn going to engineering school.”
“You’re making fun of me!”
“No, just some of the ideas you’ve been taught. Think hard on this, my Oath was to be the best possible pony that I could be. Without a horn or wings I could only be one kind of pony. So I’m the best possible Earth pony. That’s how the magic of Equestria works and you know it. If I had asked for a horn, I could have got it but I didn’t know to ask so I’m a default Earth pony. Can you find a fault with that logic?”
Twilight had to think for while, “I don’t see anything wrong as far as it goes but why can’t you be some new kind of pony?”
“Who was compelled to use Earth pony magic like the heartbond almost immediately? That’s what Smoky was saying. The other Earth ponies feel it. Even the Pegusi recognize it. I feel like an Earth pony to them but I have no trouble competing with a Unicorn. Then I start covering Alicorns. That gives every Earth pony and Pegasus in Equestria hope. If they try hard enough, maybe they could do it too.”
“But that’s always been true.”
“I’m not the one you have to convince.”
AJ was snoring lightly so we slip off to the kitchen for some tea. Both of us can draw on magic resources so while rest would be nice, it isn’t necessary. We talked about the Royal Herd and where the future might find us for quite a while. Then it is zero two hundred. We woke AJ and poured some tea into her. I got dressed in my work uniform and small sword. And we head out to Celestia’s office for the final assembly.
I lined Twilight, Swift, AJ and Spike up, “You will stay together and watch out for each other unless called for a specific purpose. I will be with you and we will all be with Celestia. The combat teams are experienced working with their teammates and strangers will just endanger them. I may get called for a breaching and Twilight may get called for magic but most likely we will go in after the building is secure and safed. AJ and Spike, do what Swift says without argument. She knows the military drill and will keep you out of trouble. Twilight, you are in charge of transportation. Let’s go find Celestia.
Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Steel were waiting just inside the main gate. The first squad is flying out as we arrive. They are all Batponies from Luna’s Guard and will take positions in the shadows where they can watch doors and intersections all around the building. Their job is to keep civilians out and enemy in.
The second squad is an Engineers group of Earth ponies with Unicorn and Pegasus overwatch. Their job is to get the doors open as quickly as possible. When the Batponies are set Cadance and Luna will teleport them to the doors.
The third squad is Recon. When a door opens Celestia will teleport them to right in front of it and they will go through the building as fast as possible. As soon as they have cleared the building the Expert Unicorns will start checking and releasing evidence for transport to the Castle.
There are shields to prevent teleports in and out of the building and we don’t want to disable them. We will have to guard the building and contents until some resolution is reached.
Shining, Steel, and I have Princesses to protect and will stay with that unless something goes sideways.
Squad two just vanished. There is now an active assault in progress. In an amazingly short time Squad three follows them. Then we’re all in the street half a block from the building. The squads all report clear. It was too damned easy.
I cautioned, “Everypony watch themselves carefully. Stick to the buddy system. This is too easy.”
Steel called me over to a door between the offices. It opened onto stairs leading down. The basement is possibly bigger than the building.
Steel said, “The horn says there’s something going on down here but I can’t find it.”
I looked through every room and found nothing but old boxes of old paper and furniture that should have been thrown out. But I agree with Steel. Something is missing. Then I realize what it is, a whole quadrant of the basement isn't accessible.
I bring Twilight down, “There’s something behind this wall. I can’t find a door anywhere so there must magic hiding it or a magic method of entry. Find it.
After twenty minutes Twilight said, “I can’t see a hole anywhere. I agree with you not because I see anything but because I don’t. If there was rock or dirt there I’d know it. I see blank.”
Shining had joined us. I said, “Everypony out but Shining. I’m going to make a hole and we have no idea what’s in there. Shining get ready to catch it if it’s bad.”
I took a deep breath and concentrated. This time I went way down and brought up something big. I set myself and anchored with my hands against the wall. I pushed. I felt a little bit of give to the right so I moved there and push again. Somepony pushed back.
“Steel!” And he came sailing down the stairs. “I’m getting active resistance. Somepony is fighting back. That means they know we are here and don’t like it. Expect trouble.”
“Yes, sir:” And he was gone.
I wait a few seconds then move farther right which put me near a wall. I push again but this time I add my speed. I change directions at random and my foe has to adapt. I realize there are several of them because they don’t all react at the same speed. Suddenly I twist and put my feet against the side wall and push sideways like I want to slide the wall. It works. Some blocks move and I've opened a gap. I get my hands in the gap and pulled the blocks out. To the tune of much shaking and a bright flash the wall gives and opens up. I stop and stand back.
Shining is wide eyed, “I’m glad you told me to have a shield up.” He is staring at two very large stone blocks that have come out of the wall aimed right at his chest.
“Come over here and make a light.” He did and what I saw changed my view of Equestria and Blueblood.
Shining was looking but not recognizing, “What is all that, John?”
“That’s the death of Equestria. Steel! Get down here Priority one!”
Steel arrived in seconds, “What is it, sir?” I just pointed. He looked and gasped, “That shouldn’t be possible.”
I replied, “But there it is. The three of us will box everything up and seal it. Anypony that breaks a seal will be summarily executed. It will be sent to my office for analysis. Shining, just go with me on this. I will explain when we are in a secure place.”
I set Swift and Twilight at the head of the stairs to guard the boxes and prevent anypony at all from coming down. Steel, Shining, and I got to work. It took a couple of hours and we even took the dust. Finally we were back in my office staring at a pile of boxes.
Shining was having a curiosity attack, “John, you can’t say something like that and leave me hanging.”
I turned to Steel, “We have to go look. You know that. Let’s take him.”
“It’s your call, John.”
So we went down the hall to my locked room. It hadn’t been touched by anypony authorized since we locked it. Steele and I produced our keys and used them. Everything was as we left it.
Shining was looking everything over, “I recognize that,” pointing to my AR. “There was something a lot like that in the bank but this is much better made. What does it do?”
I replied, “It kills Royalty. That is a fine example of the human tech that ended the rule of kings and queens on Terra hundreds of years ago. It makes any random child as strong as a squad of Unicorns.”
I explained to him how it operated and why it made such a difference.
“But there is good news. There is no chance that anypony in Equestria could duplicate it. The level of technical skill and precision is beyond anypony but me. The bad news is that the concept can be adapted to produce less powerful but far beyond anything Equestrian weapons. We need to go over every speck of this room and see if we can find out how they got in.”
An hour later we had found nothing. We locked back up and went back to my office. My stomach was certain that breakfast was long overdue. We had a enough for eight ponies brought in and I ate most of it. I’d used some large scale magic.
Shining, I am going to assume that you have had nothing to do with the theft because you didn’t know what was where until long after the theft. I want you to spend some time in my head and make damned sure nothing has slipped through. I stretched on a large beanbag and waited.
Shining was worried, “Are you sure you need this?”
“Yes, I want to be sure nopony has taken advantage of me without my conscious knowledge. I have nothing that I would hide from my brother Herd Stallion.”
“This could take a while.”
“You got anything better to do?”
I leaned back and closed my eyes. I felt the touch and images began to flow. The experience was timeless but I was hungry again when it was over.
Shining was somber, “John, you are one scary stallion. I’m beginning to feel sorry for Blueblood. Steel, would you believe he likes the taste of Manticore. He’s eaten more than the one everypony knows about. Be very very happy he is on our side.
“He is fully committed to Equestria and the Royal Herd and there is no sign at all that he has ever been interfered with or invaded.”
I stood and stretched, “How soon before you feel up to doing it again?”
Shining thought and, “About an hour after I get something to eat.”
“I’ll meet you in the cafeteria. Order fish, potatoes, and fruit for me. I’m going to tell Celestia what’s going on.”
Celestia was mad at me until I told her what I had been doing. She may be worse than AJ about taking it personally. They had invaded her Castle. She did have one piece of great news. Blueblood’s herd had reported an accidental magic backlash that killed three and injured two more at about the same time as I opened the wall.
Shining and Steel were pleased to hear of Blueblood’s misfortune.
Shining was looking at his food, “Damn you, John. You did this to me. I walked among your ‘demons’ to make sure nothing was hidden there but none of them bother me as much as the idea that you look at Manticores the same way Manticores look at ponies. Manticores are monsters.”
“Shining, did you look at how I see your sister?”
“No, you need some privacy.”
“We’ll have to fix that when we get back. It will give you some perspective.”
I enjoyed my dinner and Shining ate most of his. When we got back to my office I got back on the big bean bag.
I looked at Shining, “You said an hour. Is there something you would like to ask while dinner settles?”
Shining was back on curiosity, “I am wondering how such a small weapon has such strength.”
“That’s easy. Precise control of every component allows you to release an amazing amount of energy into a very small place in a very short time. Any of dozens of small mistakes will result in an inoperative weapon and possibly a dead operator.
“What makes it so effective is the ability to deliver that energy across hundreds of yards with relatively little loss or dissipation and great accuracy. I could stand in Blueblood’s upstairs bedroom and kill Celestia any morning I chose and it would happen so fast that she would be dead before she heard the sound it makes.
“All it takes is one single pony with a willingness to die and there is no effective defense. Your sovereign can never appear outdoors or before any group not screened in advance and thoroughly searched at the door. That’s how it ended the reign of kings and queens on Terra. No single pony could be directly responsible for anything without living in fear of the insane individual.”
“How could any government possibly function in a place like that? You’d have nothing but chaos and we know how that works out.”
“It’s not all bad. Imagine Blueblood on Celestia’s Throne. Many rulers were like that because there is no magic on Terra, especially no Magic of Friendship. At least there is a way to force reform when all else has failed. It eventually led to concepts like ‘the consent of the governed’ and ‘government by the ponies’. It also led inevitably to MAD, Mutual Assured Destruction, where nopony starts a war because nopony could survive a war. Now all you need is one small group that believes seventy two virgin mares are waiting for them after they die in battle.”
Steel is shocked, “John, surely humans can’t be that insane.”
“The problem, Steel, is that the same tech works for things other than weapons. As a farmer I could feed thousands by myself. That’s a good thing, right? But it removes ponies from the land. There are buildings on Terra with a population greater than Equestrian cities. And some of those humans go an entire lifetime without touching dirt or growing anything. How can you expect them to be sane?”
Shining said, “I’m ready. And understanding things I wish I had never heard.”
I laid back and closed my eyes. The images began and ran for a few minutes then stopped. Just as I opened my eyes I found myself being hugged by a large Unicorn.
Shining said, “John, I heard what Swift said but never realized how literally she meant it. I’m glad you’re the one for Twilight and I hope you get your dream.”
Now it’s Steel’s turn. I give him my comfortable spot on the bean bag and go find Twilight.
“About time you colts remembered the rest of the herd. What are you accomplishing locked in a room all day?”
“We are looking for the culprit in our theft, starting in our heads. Somepony got a good enough look at my weapon to try to duplicate it. The locks are undisturbed and the room looks untouched. So the possibilities are that we were compromised and the keys stolen or what I’m about to ask you. I know that Unicorns can ‘see’ the inside of things to some extent. What are the limits of that ‘extent’?”
“Well, John, you already know about magic and unintended outcomes. If you want to act on a given thing you have to have a complete grasp of what it is. You don’t want the water without the pitcher or vice versa. The ability to ‘see’ all of a thing is essential to handling it with magic.”
I needed more, “I’ve got that and I remember the Imaging Unicorn at the doctors office. But what are the limits of that kind of detailed visualization? How far can you ‘see’?”
“That depends on the Unicorn and their familiarity with the object. Celestia can reach the sun and Luna the moon. Mostly it parallels your eyesight. You can ‘see’ things that you can see.”
One more step, “That makes sense. Now what about things you can’t see with your eyes like my internal organs? Or maybe something in a locked drawer?”
“Your internal organs are part of you so they’re more about detail than distance. A drawer is trickier. Any Unicorn can ‘see’ the handle and pull it. Better is to ‘see’ the drawer itself by extension and be able to lift it as you pull. Best is to ‘see’ the contents as part of the drawer and then you can even teleport it. Only the strongest Unicorns can do that.”
Almost, “Could you teleport just the contents? Or even read a paper while it’s in the drawer?”
“It’s a rare few that could read the paper but teleporting it out and back in is relatively common. That’s why the bank has such tough shields built in to it’s building.”
“But they would have to get close to the building even without the shields? You couldn’t sit here in my office and ‘raid’ the bank?”
“Again, it parallels eyeball sight. If I was standing in the middle of a flat field and it’s too far away for me to see and identify, it’s too far away to manipulate with magic. There’s also a lot of training and detailed visualization needed to be able to see through multiple walls. It would take a lot of time to build the image.
“That tells me a lot. By locking the room and never touching anything, we may have been our own worst enemy. When Shining is done with Steel, one of them is going to have to do the same with you and Swift. I’m sorry but it has to be one of the few of us that already have knowledge of my tech. How do you feel about it? I guess I should tell you that I have already invited Shining to tour our relationship from my side and he has approved of me.”
“John, I don’t need his approval. I guess I would rather it be Shining but I don’t know if he’ll be willing. He’s always been the bashful one in the herd.”
“I didn’t do it for his approval. He had developed a slightly lopsided view after looking through my memories so I insisted that he see something I’m proud of. You might want to be careful bringing up food around him for a little while.”
“John, there is another option. You could do it. I trust you more than anypony else.”
“I don’t have a horn so I’m guessing that you will use yours to let me in. But I don’t have any training or experience. How badly could I screw up? Could I hurt you?”
“You’ve answered half of your own question. Remember how much of magic is intent? And you don’t even ask if you could hurt yourself. That’s why I trust you. I’m beginning to understand what makes you tick. I could train you right now then turn control over to you. That’s how it’s normally done. The only thing different is you not having a horn of your own. Some of what you see will be strange because you’ve never had a Unicorn point of view. You will certainly have a better answer to your earlier question.”
“I’m liking the way you’re learning too. You’re giving me confidence in your judgment. I want to let you see some things I do but I have to have absolute certainty that I will remain in control. There are some things in my head that you never want to see. Shining is no shrinking violet but he came out of there with the wobbles.”
“I know you, John. I don’t worry about anything you’ve done. I know who you are now.”
“Twilight, in our little raid on that bank I killed three Unicorns and crippled two. I enjoyed doing it because they were part of a threat to those I love. In the near future I will probably do it a lot more. I lived in the Everfree among the monsters by being a monster’s monster. That’s what disturbed your brother. He found out I like eating monsters. I want to be that sweet loving stallion you know but when anypony I love is threatened the monster can come out and play. You need to know about that monster, Twilight, because he is a perfectly normal human and he will always be part of me. I just don’t want to scare you away before you’ve had a chance to get to know him.”
“I don’t understand why you are telling me this right now.”
“Because if you walk in my mind you will meet him. He’s the one that keeps the demons in the basement. And he’s the one that does whatever it takes to keep others safe. You will need him if you want to rule a safe and prosperous Equestria. Do you still want to let a monster into your head?”
“I trust you, John. If he’s part of you, I trust him.”
“How do you want to do this? Do we have to maintain the touch all through it?”
“We have to maintain some kind of contact and the horn is best. Normally you would be in full control and could stand or lay as suits you. For training it would be better if we both lay face to face. We can only touch at the head or you could hold me. I think I like the holding better.”
We got comfortable on the bedroom pad in what was essentially a permanent kiss and I closed my eyes. The images came but they were different. They were not only different images but the organization was different. Then I saw the floor. I wanted to be there and I was. Twilight was standing next to me.
“Very good, John. Some Unicorns don’t get this far on their first day.”
The images were swirling across the horizon in front of me. Each was a small picture of an event. When I turned they were all around me.
“Now, John, choose a subject and make it your desire.”
Let’s start with something safe, food. I thought about food. Not much happened. So I wanted to see food and the images swirled wildly. Way too many to count. Okay, I want to see apples working from today back. And there they were, stable and arrayed in order right in front of me.
“Now I really want to see in your mind. That is amazing focus.”
“Twilight, it seems rather disorganized to me. I have to tell it how to order itself.”
“John, learning to keep your mind organized and focused is the toughest part of Unicorn training. If you don’t keep it that way your magic can get random and dangerous. Are you telling me that you’re more organized than me?”
“Way more organized. Remember the cutie mark? Organizing information is what I do.”
“I’ll bet that explains the other strange thing about you. Let’s see if you can open one. Pick whatever interests you and see if you can look inside it.”
I picked one that seemed recent and bright and I pulled it toward me. When it was right in front of me I wished it bigger and it grew to giant size. I pushed the time forward and watched an apple float out of the bowl and stop right in front of my mouth. Then I took a bite. For fun I ran it backward and unbit the apple.”
“John, what are you doing?”
“I’m watching you eat an apple.”
“Can you taste it?”
“No, I’m just watching it and running the time backwards for fun.”
“John, I can’t do that.”
“Hm. Nopony told me I couldn’t so I just treated it like Terran tech and it worked.”
“We will have to see if you can teach me that later. Right now, see if you can enter the memory. You should be able to touch it and experience it fully.”
I stepped into it and became Twilight. The pony sensations are slightly different but I am used to them. The wings are a new twist. But the big difference is how everything looks. When I look at the bowl it opens to reveal all of the fruit in it. I select an apple and see it’s whole being. I will it to rise out of the bowl and come toward me. I stop it in front of me then I reach out and take a bite. It is sweet and juicy as I chew. I separate myself from Twilight and step back.
“Damned. That is intense. I see what you mean about the magic.”
“You’ve surprised me again. Most rookies need help separating their identity from a memory once they have fully joined it for the first time. Let’s get the final rookie moment out of the way. Just follow me.”
The images flash by until they settle on our bedroom. I’m looking at myself sleeping with my band around me.
“Step into it, John. Experience it and don’t come out until it is done.”
I step in and it hits me like a hammer. That’s my stallion on the pad and I want him right now. I quietly wake the ponies around him and they all understand. They make way for me as I touch him, caress his magnificence. My tail is over my back now and I feel myself twitching and dripping. I’m ready for him but he isn’t ready for me yet. . . . .
I stayed with it until we were satisfied. It was very interesting. I learned some small things from the physical feelings but the big revelation was emotional. The goddess sees me as her god. And she lusts after my strength. That’s what turns Alicorns on, a stallion with strength.
“That is very interesting, Twilight. Now I really need to show some of my memories. The parallels are amazing.”
“That’s the lesson, John. We are all mostly the same on the inside. Though you may have broken the mold. It’s proverbial that stallions always go for the sex first and get caught up in it. I’m sure you’re ready to solo now. Look around. You’ve already experienced my most intimate moment so there’s nothing left to hide. When you’re done just step out the way you came in. If you have any trouble call me. I can’t be far.”
I started with retrieving my gear and fast forwarded from there. There was nothing even slightly suspicious but I learned a lot about how to be a Unicorn. I saved some of those memories for later reference. My favorite part is cuddling with my wings wrapped around my band.
The wings distract me so I look for flying. Oh my. I save more of this. I have got to get some wings. But I’m starting to feel discomfort so I go back to the main floor. I look around and everything looks happy so I want to be back in my own head and I am.
“Wake up Twilight. I hope you don’t need a toilet as bad as I do.”
Then I look around and see Shining and Steel snoozing on chairs they’ve brought in. I ease off the pad and head for the toilet. There’s a small noise in the kitchen. After the toilet, I look and it’s Swift making tea.
I ask, “What time is it?”
“It’s zero four hundred. Welcome back to the world.”
I head back to the bedroom and find everypony still asleep. I kiss Twilight full bore and her eyes pop open.
“Good Morning. The toilet awaits.”
She blinks and slides off in route.
Loudly, “Rise and shine. Zero four hundred. Tea is in the kitchen.”
Swift is pouring tea as I arrive at the table.
“What is it like, being a Unicorn? Just a quick version because when Steel and Shining get here, you are going to be busy.”
I reply, “Fun. But I like the wings best. . . Hello, Twilight. We’re talking about you.”
She eyed me critically, “Did I hear you talking about wings?”
“Afraid so. After I was satisfied that you are whole and uncompromised, I got distracted. I really want wings now.”
“You’ll probably have them some day soon.”
And then the organized attack began with Shining on Twilight and Steel on me.
Steel is first, “What in the hell possessed you to take such a wild assed risk with a Princess?”
Shining is next, “Dammit, Twilight, you could have crippled or killed yourself or him.”
But Twilight isn’t taking it, “Bull shit, Shining, you’ve been in his head. You know better than that.”
Uh Oh. I see a Problem, “Twilight, Shining has never been in my mind, just my memories. We’ve never done anything like you and I did.”
Now both of them are staring at me, “I didn’t know the difference until today.”
Steel wasn’t letting go, “And why would that make a difference? You’ve never been trained anyway.”
“It makes a big difference because nopony can read most of my memories but me. The ones from Terra are too foreign.”
Twilight jumps in, “Steel, he can read my memories better than I can. He’s more organized. And he’s so damned in control that I had to push him into the sex.”
For some reason that shut both of them up. But AJ arrived about then.
“What’s going on?”
I just had to say, “I did it again. Everypony is excited at me.”
So Swift piped up, “Except me.”
“So let’s have tea and breakfast then we can go open our boxes. Celestia will need the official report on them today.”
And that’s what we do.
I have an idea. So I look for the barrels first. I find one and look up it. The second one is the same way.
“Mares and Stallions, we have a theory. Let’s find a magazine and prove it.”
I look through some more boxes and find three magazines. I have to shake the rounds out of them.
“The theory is confirmed. We have a low level traitor in our midst. Based on my observations and some education on magic provided by our resident expert, these parts were seen but never touched. Somepony viewed them remotely and produced sketches. The operation we busted was trying to produce a weapon based on pictures without any actual experience with the pieces. Now the important question is which Unicorn spends a lot of time in a nearby room?”
Steel is really interested, “How sure are you?”
“Slightly less sure than I am in the rising of the sun.”
“Can you explain?”
“Sure. It’s generically called a ‘rifle’ because the secret to consistent accuracy is a very special treatment of the inside of the barrel called rifling. Without it the weapon has less than a tenth the useful range. The inside of those barrels are finished smooth. So whoever made the parts didn’t get to see the inside of the barrel.
“Second, the magazines hold twenty four individual rounds fed into the action of the gun by a spring. It’s a tricky spring to be able to compress so thin and expand to the entire length of the magazine for reliable feeding. You can’t know that by looking at the magazine laying on a table but if you handle it the pressure is easy to feel. There is no spring in these magazines.
“Three of the four keyholders for that room have been examined and found to be without taint. It takes two keys to open it. Therefor the door has not been opened. By now the examiners have verified that the bank’s books are in order and AJ’s account has reappeared, complete with payment for the apples. The paying account will trace back to the dead contractor as will the contract on the building in Baltimare. He will have payed for everything with gold and left phony addresses.
“So it’s a stalemate. We screwed up and overreacted when a minor clerk messed up the records. They got caught sneaking cookies. They can’t complain without the spying coming to light and we can’t complain about it without publicizing things best left unsaid. We’ll start a process to get Royal funds out of their hands and they’ll snivel about damage to their building and dead Unicorns. The next round will be nastier.”
Swift asked, “What do we do next?”
“You watch these boxes until Twilight can figure out a good place to keep them. Steel, you know what we need. Please try to keep him in shape for questioning. Shining, we have a date later today. Aj, go take care of the farm but be damned careful while you do it. I’m going to go break the bad news to Celestia.”
Celestia was not pleased, “John, you mean to tell me that after all of that there’s nothing we can do to them?”
“It’s not all bad. We discovered the existence of their spy organization and crippled their ‘research bureau’. We’ll pull all of the Royal money out of their bank and cripple it. All we’re out is a little time and some minor face. That’s not a bad trade at all.”
Celestia grinned at me, “And I have some news for you. You are going to have to put in a lot of throne time. I never imagined that so many would request you to hear them. You are one popular stallion and we need to encourage that popularity.”
“Can we mix it up and let me hold a Night Court every now and then? I don’t want Luna to feel ignored.”
“That’s a good idea. Right now it’s my turn so I’ll be expecting a report tonight.”
I head back to the apartment. When I get there I find out that Twilight is taking AJ back to the farm and Steel is in his office. Shining is gone to the tower to find Cadance. Swift is watching boxes and thinking.
“Swift darling, I have bad news. Celestia has a pile of requests for me to hear Court. So I am going to spend time on the Throne. Some of them will be Night Courts.”
“John, I like the idea of spending time with Luna. She needs friends.”
“Yes, and she needs to not be ignored. We’ve made that mistake once already.”
Swift reminds me, “We’ve got the Summer Celebration slash Luna’s Return coming up. That’s a chance to draw Luna out a little.”
“Something tells me that’s going to be a long day for me.”
Twilight popped in, “I’m back.”
I waved at her, “Hail o’ wandering Princess. I have great news for you. Celestia has informed me that I am so loved by my ponies that I will have to hear Court, including Night Court, frequently. In other words, you’re off the hook for a while.”
Twilight giggled, “It couldn’t have happened to a better Royal Stallion. What do you and Shining have planned for today?”
“If I can figure out the details, he is going to give me his mouth.”
“That should be interesting. I have to assume that you don’t mean literally?”
“Actually, I do mean literally but only a copy. We are going to try to extract a copy of his body parts like I have a copy of Fred’s body so that my inner pony can speak. Fred’s mouth just can’t shape speech.”
“Have you thought about copying his body and becoming a pony all at once?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to walk around as a fake Shining. I want a unique me. I may take a full copy for later editing, though. The editing and fitting can be time consuming.”
“Wait a minute, you’ve already done this?”
“How do you think I know Fred’s mouth can’t be make speech? I’ve already tried using my human voice parts.”
I close my eyes and shift into man-x. Then I open my eyes and look directly at Twilight.
“What did you just do, John. I felt something magic.”
I just smile and step a little closer.
“Oh, that was slick. Are you making a new human too?”
“I’m making a battle body. The eyes not only help with enemies sneaking up on me, they keep me from chopping friends when I swing that monster sword. I’m hoping to have it down before the Blueblood battle escalates.”
“Shining is right, you are scary. You enjoy it too much.”
“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth being the best at. Meanwhile, do we have any ideas for these boxes?”
Twilight said, “I think everything should be moved to my tower and put in clear cases. I will control access to the area and I can set it up so you control access to the room. There will be a bunch of magic alarms around it and some of us will look at it every day. At least if they steal something, we will know quickly.”
“I think you’re on to something. Let’s move these boxes there right now and study on the exact location and details for their final place. There’s really not much left that is possible to steal outside of my brain.”
“I thought you still had a lot of human technology in that room.”
“I do but tech isn’t magic. Tech builds on tech. You would have to find the special materials and ways to work them to build the tools to make more tools to make the first part of thousands needed. And I’m the only pony that knows what some of those techniques and materials are, like the rifling in the guns.”
“So why are we working so hard to hide this stuff?”
“Because tech builds on tech. Some of the tech needed to make the tools in my kit can also be used to make some very terrible things. I don’t want even small hints getting out.”
We got a cart and started moving boxes to the tower. It was a small show with such a distinguished guard around a simple moving project but we got it done. The boxes are stowed and Twilight and Swift are brainstorming on rooms and cases. Shining and Cadance are waiting in the upstairs library.
I walk in and get a hug, “Hello, Cadance. Has Shining told you what I am up to?”
Cadance is uncertain, “Yes, but I’m not sure I understand it.”
“It’s simple enough in theory. I have images of two humans and two horses stored internally. I want to edit one of the horses to make him into a unique pony. The most important part is speech. I’ve tried using my human parts but the horse mouth just isn’t up to the task and a human mouth can’t fit an equine head. So I need some pony parts to copy. It has to be a Unicorn to make the connection and I much prefer a stallion.”
Cadance asks, “Is that all?”
“Of course not. It’s a golden opportunity for me to observe Shining’s magic and for Shining to get a look at mine. I want to know what transfers. Think of what we could do if I could teach body swaps or learn Unicorn magic. And I want to expose Shining to my full Terran memories under supervision. It may be possible to transfer selected knowledge. And, no, we aren’t going to do it all in the first hour.”
Now Cadance is firm, “I will oversee. If you two stallions get carried away I will stop you.”
“Why do you think we haven’t done it yet. I want Twilight available too.”
I told Twilight what we were doing and not to leave the tower without letting us know. When I got back Shining was laying comfortably on a big bean bag so I settled in opposite him with my head in reach of his horn.
“I want to duplicate what Twilight and I did yesterday. You can see my system that way and get the hang of it. Then we’ll move over to me and see if we can apply it there. That may have some hiccups because I’ve never used my own mind that way. . . I’m ready.”
I closed my eyes and felt a light touch and I was in on a familiar white floor with Shining standing next to me.
“Damned you’re fast. I didn’t even get to invite you in.”
“Sorry about that. I just wanted this setup and it happened. Pick a memory and see if it works for you.”
“How? They’re all too far away.”
“Okay. Lets go with our sparring match.”
I want sparring matches and the images swirl to settle on many scenes of fighting. Then I ask for recent and the number shrinks as the images expand. I spot one with me in it and pull it to right in front of us.
“Damned. Do I really look that big? And did you follow what I did?”
“I think I did. Where did you learn all this?”
“This how images and vids are normally handled in Terran tech like my smartphone. I’ve got lots of practice. I’m going to run it back and forth to show you how, then you take over.”
I play the image, zoom it, and reverse it.
“Think how useful that can be learning new fighting techniques. Now try it”
I step back to give him command and he plays around for a while searching and zooming images.
“John, this right here is worth the price of admission all by itself. How would you like to teach at Unicorn School?”
“No, I’m going to let Twilight handle that part. I don’t want it to be obvious that I’m the source of any of the innovations. That would increase my value as a target. You ready for the next step?”
“Lead on.”
I want to be in my own mind and the images spin wildly then settle to a much larger vista with familiar scenes of home on it.
“Holy shit, John. I saw some of your Terran memories but not even close to this many.”
“That’s because memories are stored by context and association. Without the base Terran knowledge I have it would take you years to find them all. See if you can access some of them.”
The images swirled and settled on sex. Many images of humans having sex. I guess this is what Twilight was talking about. Shining settled on one and began playing it extra large in front of us.
“Shining, if you plan on playing that one all the way through we are going to be here for two days. Why don’t you take a copy and play it at your leisure?”
“You’re serious about two days?”
“Yes. I’ve been hurrying myself to accommodate equestrian physiology. That’s Melinda and she’s really hot. We were in and out of the bed, on the kitchen table, on the sofa, in the shower and do it all again.”
“And I can keep a copy?”
“The ability comes with the package and I don’t mind. Remember, I want to copy part of you.”
The image blinked and I swear I saw a shadow of a progress bar then it is done.
“Shining, time for the main event. Watch closely.”
I concentrated and pulled up my body images. There they are looking like big memories.
“Do you see them, Shining?”
“Yes.”
“The one on the far right is original Fred and the one on the far left is original John. Pick one and see if you can copy it.”
He went straight to the original Fred and damned if it didn’t have a progress bar this time. It only took three seconds anyway.
“What was that, John?”
“That is called a progress bar. It pops up to tell you that the transfer is ongoing and don’t do anything to disrupt it. The colored part represents the amount of the transfer that’s been done. When the whole bar is filled in, it’s done and vanishes.”
“That’s a damned good idea, John.”
“Let’s go back to your side and see if we can find it. Do not try to use it while I’m in here. I have no idea what may happen if we mix magic that way.”
Blink and we were there looking at Shining’s memories.
“See if you can pull up body images.”
“I’m trying.”
After a little while, “Let me try.”
I step forward and there they are, a horse and a Unicorn.
“Remember that location and they’ll be easy to find again. Last chance to say ‘no’. Do you mind if I copy your body?”
“Not at all, John.”
He has a progress bar in his head too. In a few seconds it is done.
“Shining, it’s break time. We’ve met our goals and both have new toys to play with. I’m sure it’s after lunch and Cadance is probably getting worried. Can you think of anything else?”
“I’m with you, John. See you on the outside.”
And I’m opening my eyes in the library watching Shining stir next to me. Yep, I’m seriously hungry.
“Did we miss lunch?”
Shining agreed, “Yes, where’s lunch?”
“In the kitchen. Where else?” Cadance has no sympathy.
Shining and I headed that way at speed while Cadance followed at more regal pace.
In chorus, “Hello, Spike. What’s to eat?” Which made us both laugh.
I asked, “Are we still linked? Or just forgot to eat all day?”
I’m having smoked salmon, cheese, bread, and fruit.
Shining looks thoughtful, “Would you believe that I’m even beginning to adjust to your diet? Not to the point of trying Manticore, but at least I can sit next to it.”
“Shining, let me warn you. If you start swapping bodies, some of the tastes go with the body. As an equine I can munch on fresh green grass for hours. As a human, I have no use for it.”
Cadance had walked in on this exchange, “If he starts eating Manticore, he’s going to do it in the Everfree because he isn’t doing it anywhere near me.”
I was feeling evil, “Now Cadance, how do you know you don’t like it yourself? Have you ever tried it?”
She just smiled sweetly, “Got any idea where you’re sleeping tonight? I’m sure Twilight will agree with me.”
I just smiled, “Cadance darling, do you know where the biggest strongest stallion in Equestria sleeps? Anywhere he wants to.”
Shining had had enough, “You two get a room. And soundproof it.”
Swift is standing in the door giggling and Twilight’s voice comes from behind her. “Hey, I wanna watch.”
“You two come in here and tell me what you decided about our storage problem.”
Twilight steps by Swift, “We think the floor under the observatory is ideal. We can wall in half of it and the only way to get near it is to float next to the Castle in plain sight. The observatory itself has some of the strongest wards in the Castle so it’s as safe as we can get it without casting it all into the Sun. Steel approves. He also says he has two suspects and is digging deeper.”
“I agree with that idea. How soon can it be ready? And Shining and I are having a great day. We are both learning lots of fun things”
“It can be ready in two days and Celestia sends her regards with a notice that you are on the Throne tomorrow.
I smiled, “No problem. I’ll just go sit and listen to stories all day while you manage the construction and moving.”
Twilight sticks her tongue out and, “If you two are done maybe some of the rest of us can have a little dinner.”
I’m happy to be done. I have some heavy duty thinking to do. But I need to talk with Shining first.
“Shining, let’s go do a little post event analysis.”
“Okay. I’m not sure why but if you think we need it.”
We went up and found a private spot.
“I want to tell you that when I make a change, I select an image and pour my magic into it. I don’t know if anything at all will happen for you. It might be my magic. But it’s better if you do it laying down because there may be things like a sudden change in height or eyesight. And it would probably be better to do it the first time with me nearby. I’m about to do some editing but that can be paused and no harder than waking from a nap.”
“John, if it doesn’t work, I’ll be disappointed but not terribly so. Some of the other things you’ve shown me are worth the trip all by themselves.”
We chorused, “Good luck, my brother.” and laughed while hoofbumping.
I find a spare bedroom and get comfortable. Closing my eyes, I pull up my ponies and begin to study. After a while I decide it’s safest to simply change heads. I know from the eye experiment that neural and vascular connections can be made. So I choose my splice point. I have to enlarge the head a little to cover a size difference but it fits nicely afterwards. I put Fred’s ears and eyes back on because I like them better. Then I put Fred’s bay over the pony head and throw a few spots on my mostly white body to make me unique. When everything is double and triple checked I make a copy and call it A-Pony.
One more chore to go. I carefully edit out the horn and all associated vessels back to where they join the mains coming up the neck. I move in and stand. Everything feels normal. Muscles all work.
Here it goes, “A. B. C. D. E. F. . . .” It all works!! Time to show it off.
Swift is in the kitchen, “Hello, John. I like the new look.”
“I like it too, though I may tweak a few things yet.”
“Oh. And it sounds good too. Now we’re going to have to start over again on the wardrobe.”
“It’s not that bad. I’m going to keep this private for a while. I want it for a surprise when Blueblood strikes.”
Spike walked in and blinked, “John?”
He hadn’t been around for my farm vacation, “Yes, Spike. This is the me I’ve been working on. I’m going to wear it with family but I don’t want it public. I want it to be a surprise for Blueblood next time he gets stupid.”
“Cool.”
I spend some time in the main room socializing then we drift to the bedpad. I am so happy it hurts being a normal equine with my band.
It doesn’t just feel good, it smells good. But that voice insists, “Zero four hundred, John.”
Sliding out is a little trickier but more than made up for by the fact that I feel good. I want to go somewhere and run. Instead I go to the toilet and do the normal thing. After thumping my chest a few times I do the necessary thing and switch to human. At least the good feeling carries over.
Spike has the tea ready but seems disappointed in me, “I was hoping you would stay pony. I like the way your pony looks. He’s completely unique and still a pony.”
“I like him too, Spike. But if he shows up on the Throne today it will distract from important things and ruin him as secret weapon. I’m going to show him off to Celestia though. That should be fun enough.”
Swift and Twilight ambled in and we all cheek rubbed.
Twilight sipped her tea and,”I really wish you could stay pony. By the way, Cadance and Shining may sleep in this morning. There was a light show after everypony else went to sleep.”
I laughed, “Good. Shining was collecting ideas from my memories.”
Twilight’s turn to laugh, “We know. He did what I told you stallions always do when he got in your head. From the outside it looked like he was going to make a mess on the pad. Cadance was hoping he’d come out with something to try.”
“He did but we don’t know how some of it is going to work. If it does we will have some major new weapons. I need to sit down with you later and run through some parts of it. Swift, did you pack my pretty uniform?”
“It’s in the bag and your small sword too.”
“Good deal. As soon as I get my cammies we are going to breakfast.
The chicken and cheese omelet is good and doesn’t last long at all. Time for PT. Everything is normal and I’m getting over the urge to run after some hard core weight action. Sitting on the bench, I’m trying to decide if there’s something else to try or should I just hit the showers when an Earth Filly approaches.
“Excuse me sir, my friends told me that you were the biggest stallion there is. Is that true?”
“Yes it is. Did they also dare you to ask me?”
She blushed a deep red so the question is answered. She’s got a cutie mark so she’s probably a recruit.
“Would you like to sit here and talk for a few minutes? I’ve got another hour before I have to be in the Throne Room.”
“Oh! Do you actually get to see Her Majesty often?”
“All the time.”
“You must have an important job.”
“I think I do. Would you like to have some fun with your friends?”
“Sure. What do I have to do?”
“Just smile and go along with me.”
“Okay.”
I reach over and pick her up cradling her in my arms. She trembles then relaxes.
“I want you to grow your body and study hard. I want you to become the great mare that you are capable of. And I want you to develop your magic no matter what anypony else tells you. And you can tell your friends that I said I will come for you one spring.”
I put an R rated kiss on her and set her back on the bench as I headed for the showers.
The usual line is waiting when I come out of the showers. My filly is with a group of her friends and looking dazed as I walk up to her
“i sorry, I almost forgot to ask your name.”
Very shaky, “It’s Sweet Butter, Your Majesty.”
“I’m pleased to meet you, Sweet Butter. I’m John Sampson. Remember what I said.”
I left a another small legend forming as I exited the gym. Celestia is in her office.
“Hello, John. Any good news?”
“Yes there is. Steel has a very short list of suspects. Twilight and I have decided to fix a room high in her tower for storage of the items. They won’t be able to get near it without being seen. And I have something new to show you but we can’t do it here. Can you take us to someplace very far away and isolated?”
“Is that necessary, John?”
“I want to be a complete surprise to the Blueblood crowd and if I do it here they can’t miss it.”
“All right.”
‘pop’ We are standing in the middle of a former castle. It was a nice courtyard long ago but it’s mostly a gap in the jungle today.
Celestia looked sad, “This is what’s left of the original Castle. We are actually in the far side of the Everfree. Is this isolated enough?”
“I hope.”
I undress and shift to A-Pony. A storm of images and sensations hit me. Everything around me is clamoring for attention. My horn (MY horn) is sparkling. Grab hold and slow everything down.
“Are you in control, John?”
“Kinda. I’m still finding all the handles.”
“This is your first time, isn’t it?”
“Yes. I know that if I did this in Canterlot it would look like a flare to every Unicorn for miles.”
I’m getting some real control now. The spewing magic has stopped. My sight is steady.
“Dammit, that was intense.”
“John, you’re lucky that you didn’t blow your own brains out. You have way too much magic to just jump in like that.”
“What can I say? It worked. Now I need to learn how to use it. The trick is that I don’t want anypony to know about it, least of all Blueblood.”
“You have a lot to learn before you start using the horn. A foal would learn it before they got strong enough to cause too much damage. You skipped that part.”
“What do I need to know?”
“The first thing you must do is to get your mind under full control. Random thoughts and memories can ‘come out’ as side effects when you use magic.”
“Already been done. In fact, I’m to teach Twilight more of my methods tonight. We had to do some serious mind searches to verify that nopony was compromised in the tech theft. We found out why I got that cutie mark.”
“Are you sure.”
“Very sure.”
“The next thing you must learn is to see the essence of things. You can’t manipulate it until you can grasp all of it.”
I look around. I can see many things that I have always known are there like the crystalline structure of the rocks but nothing startlingly new.
“I’m fair at that right now. I may have a little advantage because human tech is based on understanding the nature of materials and structures.”
“Then what’s left is practice, practice, practice.”
“What I need to learn most is how to teleport.”
“Not yet, John. You have to have very fine control to perform magic on yourself. One of us will tell you when it is time. Meanwhile, have Twilight bring you some place like this to learn your control. You will break a lot of things at first. See that small statue over there? Lift it a short distance, turn it around, and set it back in place.”
I’m looking at it but I can’t find a division between it and the pavement.
“I don’t see how to separate it from the pavement without breaking something. Is there a way to cut it free?”
“That is the kind of thing you need to learn yet. You did very well to realize that it is one piece. But you must also learn to make it conform to your needs. Right now we need to get back to Canterlot so will you please resume your human shape.”
I changed and got dressed. ‘pop’ We are back in Celestia’s office.
“Don’t misunderstand me, John. I am very impressed. You just covered several years of Unicorn school in fifteen minutes. And that’s without even considering getting a horn to begin with. I even like your new coat. But be very careful. You are playing some very powerful forces and I would hate to lose you.”
“I would hate to lose me. That’s why I’m in a hurry. I’m in enough danger as an upstart Earth pony. As a Unicorn a whole new set of possibilities open up. Blueblood will know that he has a narrow window in which to kill me or face the end of every thing he holds dear. Now where’s the list.”
It’s a long day composed of many small tragedies and triumphs. I did have one rather pleasant moment. The first Proclamation I read was a request for proposals for a new repository for Royal funds with all of the Blueblood clan excluded.
We ran a little long because once word got around we drew an audience. The audience can’t interfere or even comment. Cough at the wrong moment and the Guard will ‘show you out’. But they have an effect on the principals. Believe it or not, while standing in front of a near god that has the literal power of life and death over him, Big Johnny’s greatest fear is what his mare’s farrier is going to say about him next time she gets her hooves done. We have found another universal constant.
Finally, back in the tower, “Honey, I’m home.” I’ve always wanted to say that.
Cadance and Shining are in the library. I drop my clothes in the bathroom and shift to my new pony.
Cadance greets me, “Hello, John. That’s a very interesting collection of gifts you are passing around. I never imagined that things like copying and transferring are possible. The big one wouldn’t work for us but we aren’t done trying.”
Shining is examining my new face, “I like it but why did you leave a scar where the horn was? For that matter, why didn’t you keep the horn?”
“First, a horn will panic the Blueblood herd. I’ve shown incredible strength as an Earth pony and overcome five Unicorns at once. If I was a Royal Unicorn with that kind of strength I could be expected to ascend any day. That would leave Blueblood the choice of killing me before I ascend or losing everything forever.
Second, that’s not a scar, that’s my whorl. All Terran equines have a whorl, most commonly about where mine is. It’s connected to the formation of the brain and is unique to each individual. What’s extra interesting is that is my whorl, not Fred’s. Fred’s is different. And this one stays with me when I change bodies. I did add the star to accent it because conventional wisdom says that the size, shape, and location mean that I am extremely intelligent, strong willed, and social.”
“By ‘star’ you mean the white part?”
“Yes. And technically my coat is bay and white tobiano. Bay means the brown with black mane and tail.”
I can hear voices coming down the stairs from above. It’s Twilight and Swift.
“How are our construction workers doing up there?”
As Twilight comes into view, “Quite well. How about our Noble Stallion?”
“Wondering if you want to trade jobs?”
“Oh hell no! Been there. Done that. Threw the shirt away.”
As she’s rubbing cheeks with me, Swift comes up and starts on the other side. This is life the way it should be.
“Twilight, after dinner we need to continue my education and we may have to travel.”
I have an equine dinner and love the flavors.
Twilight and I take our positions on a bean bag in the library and in a few seconds we are on the now familiar white floor in Twilight's mind.
“We learned some things when Shining and I were exploring. I want combine two lessons into one today. I want to get you upon the features of this browser and I need all the horn instructions I can get.”
I turned to the images and wanted magic instruction. There were a lot. So I tried magic exercises. Also a lot.
“Twilight, I need unicorn education after visualization up to teleporting. Can you help?”
“Of course, but why do you need this?”
I tried something new. I was in my inner pony when we linked so I am still him inside. I have changed bodies in dreams so I know I can do it without altering my physical body. I considered the details then willed it. Now the me standing next to Twilight had a horn.
“Yes, that’s an excellent reason. I’ve got to tell you that all I or anypony can give you is hints. It’s the doing that brings the learning.”
“I understand. My problem is that I have to learn as much as I can as fast as I can. I don’t want anypony outside of selected herd members to know about this until I have full control and use. It changes too many things.”
She started flipping through and pointing out memories while I made a list.
“John, are you going to watch any of these?”
“All of them. Do you mind if I save copies for myself to watch later?”
“You can do that?”
“That’s part of today’s lesson.”
“Show me.”
I copied the list and in the process had to explain the progress bar again.
“John, I am going to make a list for you later when I can take time to consider all the details. We can pass it later. Do you have any other surprises?”
“Let’s step over to my side.”
And we are standing in front of my memories. I flip through quickly to find the other side of the memory Twilight had ‘pushed’ me into and bring it to right in front of us.
“And as promised, the other point of view.”
“I deserve that, don’t I?”
“In more ways than you know. I don’t expect you to wade through it all right now but take a copy for later study. That’s your practical exercise.”
“Do you think I should study some human sex too?”
“Why? You’re already way out of their league.”
“John, you continue to surprise me. That’s the nicest thing anypony has ever said to me.”
“It’s true.”
She leans over and rubs her horn against mine and the world explodes. I feel her. I feel her desire. I feel her feeling my desire. And it spirals wildly until she breaks the contact.
“Consider that another Unicorn lesson.”
We explored Terra for a while. I showed her planes, trains, cars, and TV. She wanted to stay for a while.
“John, you actually know how to make all those things?”
“Mostly, yes. I’m used to being able to order parts and have them arrive in a few days at most. I could buy many metals that I’m only kinda aware of how to make. But I know enough to put some ponies on the right track to make something very like it. The problem is what those kind of changes might do to Equestria. They call the output of those engines ‘horsepower’ because that’s what they’re designed to replace. Do you want to put that many ponies out of work?”
On that note we stepped back outside.
Everypony else was asleep. Twilight and I have the library all to ourselves.
“Celestia took me to the old castle in the Everfree for my demonstration. Do you feel up to something like that or do you want to wait?”
“Ready?”
“Yes.”
‘pop’ Twilight and I are in the same courtyard except we’re under a full moon. I shift to my A-Pony and I can see and ‘see’. There’s no fireworks this time and I’m comfortable.
“How are we doing, John?”
“We are doing good and enjoying the new view of the world.”
“I can feel your strength. Apparently you are as strong as a Unicorn as you are as an Earth pony.”
“That would make perfect sense.”
“You see that bench over there? See if you can lift it. Be very sure to specify slowly and how high.”
I see it and ‘see’ it. It’s a simple stone plank on top of two stone blocks. I see the divisions. I touch the plank with my magic and will it to lift slowly to waist high. I lifts on one end and begins to slide. I reach out with my hands and steady it. No problems. Then I realize that it’s over there across the courtyard. But I can still feel it in my hands. So I pick it up with my hands, turn it over, swap ends, and set back exactly on the blocks.
“Twilight is staring at me, “How did you do that?”
I choose a flower from the bush behind the bench. Carefully cupping it in one hand, I squeeze the stem behind the flower with my other hand until it separates. I carry the flower over to Twilight and carefully insert it into her mane between her ears. Then I caress her cheek feeling every hair and loving it. She leans into my touch a little and purrs.
“I think I’ve got fine manipulation down. Can you come into me and watch how I do it?”
Twilight steps over to me and rests her horn lightly on my head. I feel her presence.
I reach over to the bush and cut another flower placing it next to the flower already in Twilight’s mane.
“You’re using your hands, John?”
“No, I’m using my magic. It’s like the memories. What you are seeing there is a common computer file browser. I’ve used many of them for years. I’ve even written a couple. Now how many digital computers are there in Equestria? One. My smart phone. But magic has no form. Your will gives it form, right?”
“Right, John.”
“So I come from Terra with all these forms that nopony has ever thought of. They shape my magic in ways previously unknown in Equestria. All that time you spent in Unicorn school wasn’t learning magic. It was learning fine motor skills. Being born human, I come with extreme fine motor skills.”
“That makes scary good sense."
I play around with the landscape for a while. There doesn't seem to be any limit on how much I can lift. I just make my magic hands bigger.
Twilight is bored, "Right now, I think we need to rest and digest. You may come up with some more wild ideas. Go ahead and change back.”
I did and ‘pop’ we are home. Creeping quietly, we merge into the pile and drift away.
“Zero four hundred, John”
Slide carefully out of the pile, hit the toilet. Thump my chest, and head for the kitchen. I’m annoyed but I have to learn.
“Spike, please put my tea in something Earth pony friendly. It’s my fault for not having a system to tell you what I am this morning.”
“John, I’m not sure anypony has ever had that problem.”
Twilight wanders in just then, “What problem?”
“Waking up in different bodies on different days.”
Swift joins in, “Sounds like a stallion problem to me.”
“Twilight, my subconscious has been busy with those new memories and experiences. I feel like something is missing right now. I’m tempted to just do it.”
“You might want to get some more experience first. There’s still some important things you haven’t tried.”
“My mind knows you are right but the rest of me is going nuts.”
Swift is looking from me to Twilight and back, “What in the hell are two gibbering about?”
I hadn’t thought about this part of it. “Swift, I’m turning into a Unicorn. I haven’t meant to hide it from you but most of it is happening inside my head.”
Swift just smiled, “About time.”
Spike says, “Cool.”
“Please help me keep this inside the band. It would trigger madness if it got out to Blueblood.
“And Twilight, I’ve been thinking. Handling information, making useful things, doing complex tasks, these are all basics of civilization. Humans and ponies developed parallel ways of doing these things. I was an elite top level technologist on Terra because of the skills you’ve been seeing me exercise. So why shouldn’t my pony self parallel that on Equestria?”
Twilight is agreeing, “The more you say, the more sense you make. But today we have to move your tech and start preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. If there’s time left over we’ll practice some more.”
I go back to human so we can eat breakfast and do PT. All went normally and we dropped by Steel’s office.
“You can have your room back after today. We’re going to move it all right now.”
“Where Twilight has said you were going with it?”
“Yes. And we need to have a head session some time soon. I’ve got some new internal tech for you.”
“That sounds extra interesting. Just pick a time and tell me.”
“Twilight and I open the locks with our keys and go in. I reassemble my weapons and kit. Then I leave with everything on my shoulder or carried just like I brought it in. It’s a quick trip down the hall, around the corner and up the stairs in the tower to our new safe storage.
“Mares, I’m going to leave you to party planning. I’m going to pay Luna a visit. I owe her an update and I want to offer her some of the new ‘wetware’.”
Twilight and Swift agreed so I set out for Luna’s private apartment. The Guard at the door waved me through. She’s in the main room relaxing.
“Hello and welcome, John Sampson.”
“Hello my good friend Luna.”
I walked over and rubbed cheeks with her.
“I have something to show you.”
I removed and folded my clothes then shifted to my inner pony.
“Mine Sister hath told me of this but not of the look. It suits thou, John.”
“I like it. There is more but I will not show it in Canterlot just yet.”
“Celestia hath disclosed that part also.”
“Celestia doesn’t know the whole story. Twilight and I have discovered that many of my talents from Terra transfer to Equestria. Would you like to see some of them?”
I showed her my file browser and memories of using my hands to pluck flowers for Twilight.
“If beginning magic students can simply download my standard systems, they can spend the next several years on advanced studies instead of what humans call ‘reinventing the wheel’. Graduate students can improve my systems or invent new systems for their thesis.”
We settle back to socialize and I preen her wings for a couple of hours. Luna is a very happy Alicorn so I take a break.
“Luna, I’m going to take a few Night Courts for you.”
“There be no need, Friend John.”
“I know that but Celestia has me taking Day Courts and I am Herd Stallion, not Celestia’s personal servant. I will not favor any of my mares. So if she gets a day off, so do you and Twilight. Besides, I intend to spend any extra time visiting.”
That got me a full wing hug.
“Swift and Twilight are planning the Sun Celebration. I will escort Celestia to the first half but you get me for the rest of it. I am thinking of changing clothes to match you when I do that. Is there anything special I need to know.
The hug got tighter and with some heavy cheek and nose added in.
We have lunch in Luna’s kitchen and she’s having the time of her life feeding the helpless Earth pony. This is going to be good for giggles forever.
“Luna, I really need to go somewhere secluded and practice with my horn. I want to be proficient enough to shock an attacker. I have this worry about the upcoming celebration. They’ve used one to slip in assassins before.”
“Thou went with Twilight to the main courtyard in the old castle. Will that suffice?”
“Yes.”
And before I could finish the word, we were there. I immediately shifted to A-Pony.
“That’s what I want to learn most. But for now, what comes after fine manipulation?”
“Didst Celestia play the old rooted block trick on thou?”
“She asked me to lift that statue over there and I told here it was part of the pavement and I didn’t want to trash the courtyard.”
“Thou hast passed the first half of thy test. Now thou must learn to make the statue ready for thy lifting. Watch with thy magic.”
I stood watching as she wrapped the statue in her magic then pulled the magic up to the middle of the column it is sitting on. Her magic rippled then I could ‘see’ that there is a division between the top and bottom halves of the column. Her magic rippled again and there is no division.
“I see the division come and go but I don’t see a cut or join happen.”
“This requires a faith in thyself. Just as thou may wrap the statue in thy magic and lift it, thou may wrap it and change it. I willed that the statue be with division and I willed that it be without. The trick be in knowing for the first time that thou canst alter the solid world by thy will.”
I reach out and wrap a hand around the statue. I decide that it should have a neat platform on top of the column and be standing loose on it. I will it so and lift the statue enough to see air under it. Then I grasp the head with my other hand and will a separation in the neck. I rotate the head half around and will the separation to be gone. Then I set it back on its platform and will that separation away.
“You forgot something. I already know that I can throw a spell that alters an entire world. Remember my Oath?”
“I would give much to witness Celestia’s countenance when next she visits this place. Very well done, Friend John. There remains one test between thy will and mine. Thou must learn the art of self levitation and thou must learn it unassisted. The method of thy learning will be used to learn teleportation.
Change thou back to thy ‘safe’ body and we will return to Canterlot. Spend thine time on this conundrum but do not expect immediate understanding.”
I shift and we ‘pop’ into her apartment. We spend a little more time rubbing and grooming but. . .
“I have to go. I thank you for the lesson and for being my friend. I wish you would come and spend time with the herd in the tower. You would be among friends. Cadance has been happy there.”
“I will consider it, Friend John.”
Human and dressed, I leave past the same Guard pony. Back in the tower, nopony is home but Swift. She’s in the library, reading. I plop down beside her and lift her on top of me.
“I remember this and haven’t done it recently enough. You, my perfect Swift, have been ignored far too much.”
“You aren’t ignoring me, John. I feel your heart every time you look at me. I know your love all day every day.”
“But I haven’t said it often enough. And it’s not just the feelings. You are the other half of the Royal Stallion. The half that makes me look good and right on top of everything. I will forever owe you for that.”
“Don’t be silly, John. You are Royal. I’m just your gofer.”
“You are the only pony that believes that. Steel and Shining have both notified me that they will challenge me for you if I ever give them half a chance.”
I haven’t seen that shade of red for a while, “And you just let me go play with Shining . . .”
“It made you happy. You spend too much of your life making me happy. You need some moments for yourself. If anything happens to me, I want you to go to him. Make him as happy as you have made me.”
“You’re the strongest stallion in Equestria. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
“Swift, there will be a time between when the Blueblood herd realizes that it is possible for me to ascend and when I can actually do it that I will be vulnerable. Nopony knows what will happen then. If I fail, I don’t want you to forget me but I also don’t want you ruin what is left of your life thinking I would consider that honor. Do we understand each other?”
She’s clinging hard now but no tears, “Yes, John, no matter what may happen I will always honor you including in this.”
“Good. Now that’s out of the way, I’ll need dress to match Celestia for the first half of the Sun Celebration and to match Luna for the second half. And since the biggest parts are outdoors in the Central Courtyard, I’ll wear my big sword. I’ll look good on the balcony anyway.”
“Yes, you will.”
From below, “Honey, I’m home.” I have to giggle. I taught Twilight that.
“Up here, Twilight.”
Twilight comes bouncing up the stairs followed by Spike. Spotting Swift on top of me, she bounces over and sits on my legs.
“We’ve got him now, Swift.”
I smiled, “Who has who? This has always been my goal, to be covered in warm furry love.”
Spike says, “Call me when the mush is over.”
I reply, “Not yet Spike. We were talking about the Summer Celebration. I’ll be starting with Celestia and ending with Luna but I will be with one of them. If Twilight gets too involved or has to run an errand, stick with Swift or me. I don’t want you to become a target.”
“Aw, John. I can take care of myself.”
“Spike, that’s not my concern. I know that a small Dragon is still a Dragon. But killing changes you, even in defence of those you love. I want to put that pain off for as long as possible for you. It’s the kind of thing that parents do.”
“But what am I supposed to do if they attack you?”
“You are supposed to do what all stallions do. Keep the mares safe. Get them away while I hold the attackers back. A serious battle with me is liable to destroy acreage. I don’t want to be worrying about them getting hurt so your job will be to get them out of the way.”
“I can do that. And now I can leave you to your mush.”
When Spike had gone Twilight said quietly, “You know that he has enough dragonfire to annoy two ponies at most then he’s out?”
“Of course. But he is a stud. A small, young stud but still a stud. He will do his best no matter what you say. I would prefer that he do it within my plan. And we owe him his pride.”
“Thank you, John.”
“You don’t get off that easy. Luna gave me an assignment. I have to figure out how to self levitate.”
“Then you know I can’t help you.”
“Yes but I need to be in a place where I can try it and you can help with that.”
“Let me get back to you on that. I have an idea.”
Dinner is both harder and easier as an Earth pony. Salad is all it takes but getting it for myself is tricky. We go quickly to our sleeping pile because we are going without the day after tomorrow. With Luna’s Celebration added on I will be going non-stop for about thirty hours.
“Zero four hundred, John.” Fur and feathers, the perfect combination and I love it. But it’s time to slide off the pad, hit the toilet, thump, and find the kitchen. Spike is waiting to see me before he pours the tea.
“Thank you, Spike. Would you believe that this tea is even better from a pony point of view than human?”
We are a small band this morning. Cadance and Shining went back to the Crystal Empire yesterday to take care of business. They will be back late today to spend the night with us in preparation for the Celebration. AJ will come in on the afternoon train for the same reason and I’m looking forward to showing off for her.
Twilight comes in and up to me, cheek rubbing and lipping my ear.
“Mare, don’t start anything you don’t have a day to finish.”
“Twilight giggled, “It’ll be your fault for strutting around like the hottest stallion in Equestria. But instead, let’s eat breakfast here and then we have a small project to assist your education.”
“You’re trying to torment me with choices, aren’t you? Spike, small fruit, lots of small fruit.”
I wipe out a large bowl of fruit then Twilight leads me up the stairs to our ‘special storage’ room.
“This part of the Castle is very well protected from invasion or surveillance. With just a little more shielding I can make any magic within this area hidden. You can go anywhere on this floor to about halfway up or down the stairway to the next floor. Give me a few minutes then we can test it.”
Her horn lights up and a net of purple-ish lines began to weave around the room and sink into the walls, ceiling, and floor. Twilight’s concentration increases and another net of lines expands into the walls.
“It’s done. The tricky part isn’t hiding the room, it’s doing so it looks like an empty room from the outside instead of screaming ‘something hidden here’ like that room in the bank. Put on the horn and let me go down a floor and see what it looks like.”
I do and I fumble with the AR a enough to convince myself that I could fire it with magic if I had to.
Twilight is back, “About halfway down the stairs you just disappear. It works. You can practice all you want on this floor but remember to lose the horn before you leave this floor.”
“Thank you, Twilight. This is ideal. All I have to remember is to not try too hard and bump my head.”
“John, if you can bend your knees and not fall, you’re done. And I think it’s interesting that your magic is the same color as your spots.”
Alright. Time for business. Start with the obvious. I hug myself and lift. Nothing happens.
An hour later it’s time for a break. Frustration and magic is a risky mix. Switching to my inner pony, I head back down the stairs to find everypony else gone. I need something to stir my mind. Oh yeh. I’m standing in the middle of a world class magic library. Use it, dummy. I change to human to make handling the books practical and dig in. By lunch time I know a lot of really useful things, theoretically. None of it is exactly what I want but I do have some new things to try.
But first, I need food. I put on the cammies and head to the cafeteria for fish and potatoes. Food in hand, I look around for a table. There’s my little filly, Sweet Butter sitting at a table all by herself and a bunch of her ‘friends’ together at a table nearby. This bears investigation. As I near, she is obviously unhappy about something and largely oblivious to the world around her.
So I ask, “May I sit here?”
She looks up and shoots out of her seat, “Of course you can have this table, Your Majesty.”
“I don’t want the table. I want to sit next to you, Sweet Butter. And you see what I’m wearing? Same as the gym. So I’m ‘John’, same as the gym.”
“Oh. . . But Your Majesty, how could I . . .”
“Listen, my friend Sweet Butter, I spend my days worrying about bankers that want to rob Celestia blind, assassins sent to kill me, and hundreds of small arguments between normal ponies with just a little too much pride or stubbornness to settle it on their own. That’s a lot for a farm colt that grew up and got tossed into the Royal Herd with little warning or planning. So I like to put my problems aside for a short time when I can. Will you help me do that?”
“Of course . . . John. Is Royal life really like that?”
“Yes it is, and more. Somepony has to do the many things that keep everypony happy and secure. Look at Celestia. She has to raise and lower the sun right on time every single day without fail. And has been for more than a thousand years. Did you know that crops depend on the exact timing of the sun to grow? If Celestia makes a mistake, we all go hungry. That’s why we celebrate the sun and Celestia every summer.”
“I guess you thought I was silly when I said you had an important job.”
“No, I thought that you are intuitive. You remind me a lot of somepony that I love very much. She’s like that. She always says the right thing even when there is no reason at all for it. That’s why I want to know what is making you unhappy.
“It’s just a silly thing. I told my friends what you said and they made fun of me.”
“That’s because they are jealous of you. Every single one of them dreams of becoming Royal but none of them has what it takes. You do. That’s why we are talking. My heart feels it and I know yours does too. They tricked you into speaking with me because they thought you would be like them and lose courage when you found out who I am. You fooled them. You have the courage they lack. You have the qualities I seek in my mares. Now is too soon but I will remember you.
“What should I do?”
“Exactly what I told you. Grow strong and smart. Pass these fools by and leave them in your dust. Life will take care of the rest. Do you go by ‘Sweet’ or ‘Butter’?”
“My herd call me ‘Sweet’.”
“Would you be so kind as to take my tray back to the kitchen?”
“Of course, John.”
“Thank you. Now I must go back to work but you may enjoy watching my departure.”
I get up and walk around the table towards the door, coincidentally walking right in front of the table with all the ‘friends’.
As I pass them I turn and say loudly, “Thank you for an interesting conversation, Friend Sweet.”
About half of them look like they are having seizures.
When I get back to the tower I go straight up to the hidden floor. I have a few things to try. The shield works nicely. I can even put it on the floor and stand on it. From there I can lift it and fly it around all I want. It isn’t the goal but it looks damned useful for transporting groups.
Everypony talks about the necessity of fully knowing whatever it is you want to manipulate so I look at myself. There’s a lot to see but no worse than what I’ve already seen editing my bodies. But other than swapping bodies, I don’t seem able to use magic on myself.
I’m hearing voices downstairs anyway. Time to switch back to my inner pony and go greet Cadance and Shining.
“Hello my weary travelers!” Is followed by cheek rubbing and hoofbumping.
Shining want to know, “What’s your progress?”
“I'm figuring out how to levitate. I’ve flown on a shield but that doesn’t count.”
“That’s some advance magic, John. I’d like to see it.”
“That’s easy. I have a practice room in the tower now.”
Cadance couldn’t let that pass, “Now that’s what I call pampering. Twilight must really love you, John.”
I laugh, “Well, she does. But she also got herself out of having to ferry me to remote locations to practice.”
That’s worth a general laugh and we trade gossip and grooming until Twilight, Swift, and Spike walk in.
There’s more greeting, grooming, and gossiping until, finally, AJ arrives. The gangs all here.
I’m strutting, “What do you think about the new look, AJ?”
AJ says, “I like it. Are you going to wear it to the party?”
“Unfortunately, no. It has some accessories that I want to keep secret for now so I can’t let this outside of the Herd. We can go upstairs and I can show it off if you want. Shining wants to see me show off too.”
“Let’s go.”
So I lead the troop upstairs until we pack the small ‘safe’ room. I shift to A-Pony.
Shining jumps right on me, “That’s not my horn.”
“What are you talking about, Shining? I haven’t swapped bodies with anypony else.”
“My horn has five bands. It’s been that way for a while now. Your horn has six bands.”
So I look to Twilight who is standing with Cadance giggling.
“Come on mares, give it up.”
“John, your horn grows with your age and your magic. Celestia has nine bands, Luna has eight. You’re just growing.”
Somehow I’m not completely satisfied but I’m going to treat it as a new subject to research next time they leave me alone with the library.
I demonstrate my riding shield and Shining admits it’s a tough shield even without the riding trick. Just to impress the mares, I anchor to it and turn upside down.
Back in the library I shift to human so I can groom AJ and talk at the same time. I fill her in on the exciting events and she brings me up on farm status. After a light dinner we pile in the bedroom.
“Zero four hundred, John.” Do I have to? The pile is nearly complete and oh so comfortable and secure. But today is Celebration day and I have a part to play. So slide out, toilet, thump, and tea. I’m feeling good and I need to be one of the very first on stage so I get the body and cammies.
Swift is watching and asks, “Do you want me to pack your pretty clothes and sword?”
“No, I just don’t want to chance a breakfast accident. I have to come back by here so I’ll dress here.”
The cafeteria has a fair contingent of dressed Guard including Steel. I sit down with my omelet and oatmeal next to him.
“You know that you can change or even spend the night in the tower? You might want to come inspect the secure room anyway.”
“I trust you to handle it, John.”
“There are some new weapons in there. If anything goes sideways, I can bring very high level force to bear now. I’ve got a pretty wicked shield too.”
“Now that sounds worth a trip. Hope we don’t need any of them today.”
“Me too.”
Back in the tower I got into my Celstia colored pretty uniform then buckled on my big sword.
“Swift, how about packing my Luna outfit and leave it Luna’s apartment so I can put it on right before going up to the balcony?”
“It’s packed and your small sword with it just in case.”
Celestia is bustling about in her apartment making sure everything is just so. I’m standing next to the door to the balcony, waiting.
Finally, she decides it’s time. I’m up the stairs two behind her. She goes out onto the balcony and I go one step out and two right. Assume parade rest. I’m watching with new eyes. Could I do that some day? She’s done and smiling for the crowd. Celestia whirls and heads down the stairs with me right behind her. In the apartment she slows down.
Celestia grins at me, “Ready to face the crowd?”
“Oh course. FYI, I left you a present in your favorite deserted courtyard. And, if anything goes cross ways, I have a small collection of large weapons in my Unicorn shape.”
“I heard you were working on levitation.”
“I have a good idea that I haven’t tried yet but I can fly without it if needed. I’ve been spending time in Twilight’s library.”
“You may find some of our visitors extra interesting. We have some Minotaurs here today. One or two of them might even be bigger than you.”
“Just don’t let Fred see them.”
“Why not?”
“Fred was born to herd and control bovines. And he really enjoys it.”
“What about you?”
“I can’t say until I meet them. It won’t change what I do anyway, just how much I enjoy it.”
“Let’s go and bask in the admiration of our ponies.”
“I’d be happier if they admired in smaller groups.”
“Get used to it, John. You have many years of it ahead of you.”
And we step out into the main courtyard side by side to acknowledge the salutes and bows of our grateful ponies. Strolling around side by side with a goddess is quite an experience. So many ponies, all eager to pay homage. Interestingly, I seem to be drawing as many as she is. I’m certainly a heavy favorite with the military contingent. After a while we arrive at the dais and Celestia settles down.
“Walk around, John. I want to see if you are as popular on your own.”
I do and I am possibly more popular by myself. The biggest difference is that I have parents bringing their foals to meet me. Celestia is going to love this, I’m a role model.
Twilight and AJ are coming so I angle to meet them.
“Hello, my lovely mares. Are we enjoying this bright sunshiny day?”
Twilight sticks her tongue out at me and AJ giggles.
“Decorum, my darlings, decorum. We are here to be an example.”
Twilight isn’t buying it, “Oh fooie. This is a Celebration.”
“I tell you what, why don’t you stay here with me for a few minutes and do the foal kissing?”
“Do what?”
“Half of Equestria wants their offspring to see me as an example. Celestia is sitting over there in comfort enjoying the show.”
AJ understands. I get a hug for that.
AJ says, “Relief is on the way. Spike and Swift are supervising lunch. Trays will be coming shortly.”
“Now there’s a mare with priorities.”
I manage to get a seat between Celestia and Twilight while we eat but then I’m back ‘on patrol’. I keep seeing Minotaurs in the distance and I know they see me because we both stick up out of the crowd like flagpoles but I can’t seem to get near one.
It is mid afternoon and the crowd has thinned. Time for a break. I get comfortable next to Celestia.
“Did you figure it out?”
“Yes and no. You draw a different crowd. I can’t figure out why.”
“It’s the Earth pony effect. After thousands of years we finally have an Earth pony that made it to the top. ‘Look here little Suzy and Bobby. If you work hard you can be just like him.’”
“But that’s always been true.”
“Celestia, for a pony so damned smart, you have some very deep blind spots. They don’t see time the way you do. For your average pony, fifty years is eternity because they won’t be active fifty years from now even if they are alive. They can feel their body age, see each hair turn gray.”
“So you are young like them?”
“That’s a part of it but not the biggest. You are the ultimate mare, dam to all ponies. How can anypony aspire to be their own dam?”
“And that’s what you’ve been up to with these informal mornings. You are everypony that made good.”
“I’d rather be their friend than their god. Perhaps you’ve noticed by now that deity is a lonely position.”
“I’ve got you. John.”
“Do you? You have a very powerful weapon and a very dangerous toy but do you have the ‘me’ that ultimately controls them?”
“John you have said yourself that I’m the mare you need to head your herd. Our interests coincide on all levels. You know it because you’ve given me your oath twice now. And I’m offering you immortal godhood. What more could you possibly want?”
“Your heart.”
“I still don’t understand, John. I’ve given you everything that I have to give. Doesn’t that prove anything?”
“It does, Celestia, but what’s most important isn’t things or powers, it’s the connection. As spectacular a collection of gifts as these are, you never asked if I wanted them. You assumed that I would want the same things that you want and started dumping them on me.”
“You don’t want to be Royal?”
“Ah, Celestia. You chose right every single time. I don’t see how it could be any other way. But it helps a lot if I feel like I’ve got some say in my own life. You want an equal. But first you have to learn how to be equal. You have to share, not give.”
“You have to forgive me a few old habits. You know what I’m trying to do.”
“And I’m trying to find ways to help you right now. I’ve got a thought question for you. You know that I’ve got a herd of the absolute top mares in Equestria. Which mare do you think two different stallions have announced a desire to challenge me for?”
“It can’t be me or Luna. If another stallion capable of taking either of us existed, you wouldn’t be here. They would have to challenge Shining Armor first if they wanted Cadance. So do they want wealth or power, Applejack or Twilight? Do I get a hint?”
“Your hint is, one of the stallions is Shining. And thank you for finally admitting that you are behind my abduction.”
“Shining wants Applejack? He doesn’t strike me as the money chasing kind so what kind of back story have I missed?”
“He doesn’t want AJ. He wants Swift. So does Steel Will. So will you, if you ever come out of your shell and join the rest of the world. Swift has done as much as you have to make the Royal Stallion.”
“You are going to have to explain that one.”
Right now she is carrying my small sword just in case I might need it. She left my Luna colored dress in Luna’s apartment where I can change when the Celebration changes. Remember how one of the lunch trays had cheese and crackers and small fruits all just the way I like them? She has the map and directions whenever I travel. She makes the tea the way I like it. I look good because she makes sure of it.”
“How is a very good aide more desirable than an Alicorn? Twilight could do all of that with a twitch of her horn.”
“The ability is the icing on the cake. What Swift has is commitment. Her devotion to me is total. We are a single individual with two locations.”
“John, I thought you abhorred the subservient.”
“It’s not subservient when I’m equally committed to her. She stepped out with Shining last spring and has my blessing to do it again any time she wishes because I want her to do things just for her. But her primary goal in life is to make me the best possible stallion so I can make Equestria the best possible world.”
“I can see how that would be desirable. I can see some of that in you, John.”
“Of course you can. It’s one of the components of love. Luna is becoming good at it and it is making her much happier. By the way, don’t look for me tomorrow. I’m going to spend the day sharing with Luna. You might want to try it sometime soon. You and I might even kick around plans for next spring.”
“If it’s so good, why don’t you spend tomorrow with me instead of Luna?”
“Because I said I was spending it with Luna. Tomorrow night after moon rise is open, though.”
“Would we talk like we are talking now?”
“Some. And groom. Maybe sleep a little. Maybe whatever else you want. Being private opens up possibilities. We might even get into horn play.”
“Are you really that strong, John?”
“I was stronger than Cadance last spring and I have grown since then. I’ve added a band to my horn since last you saw it.”
Holy shit. I’m getting wing action from Celestia.
“What about Luna and Twilight?”
“Neither of them made a contest out of it though Luna and I did exercise each other.”
Yep, the wing is growing.
“Celestia, the ponies are watching. If you want to give them a show, I will but it’s probably more appropriate to the Spring Fling.”
“How much show?”
“About this much,”and I lean over and take her head in my hands slowly caressing both cheeks then I lean a little more and kiss her as thoroughly as I know how. As we hold the kiss I can feel her magic exploring my body. I’m glad I’m wearing pants.
We break the kiss and Celestia tucks her wings back into place. I notice a noise. Looking up for the source, I discover that not only do we have an audience, they are applauding.
Celestia looks a little bemused, “I wonder who they are applauding, you or me?”
“They are applauding us. They spend their entire life seeking and enjoying companionship in it’s various forms. They are born to herd. A solitary existence is painful to them. They want you to be happy.”
I’m borrowing Luna’s shower so I will be fresh when I appear as Luna’s protector.
“Dost thou poor little Earth pony require assistance with the shower?”
“Not if you plan to raise the moon tonight. After warming up with Celestia you need to be careful how you walk in front of me.”
“Be it true that she asked thou for the kiss?”
“Yes, indirectly. But what didn’t show was what she was doing with her magic under my clothes.”
“This is most exciting, John. Her desire to be ever independent and aloof was one the core elements of our argument so many years ago.”
I got dried and dressed, buckled on my sword, and waited by the door for the moment.
“It’s time, John.”
“Some day you are going to have to let me in on the secret of your clock.”
But she is by me on her way up the stairs so all I can do is follow. One step out and two steps left. Assume parade rest. I can see her magic as she raises the moon. The raising is simple but the handle is complex. And the big question is how can I see it in my no magic human body? Is all this high power magic around me soaking in?
Luna stands at the rail and smiles for her ponies then we head downstairs and out to stroll the crowd. This crowd is different. We have batponies, and batpony foals. The other tribes are all there but almost no foals. And the big difference is that the batponies want their foals to meet Luna and I together. The walking is much slower because so many ponies want to talk instead of just bow and back. I like this better.
The minotaurs are still around and still keeping their distance.
After a while we settle on the same dais now sporting Luna’s colors.
“I like your crowd better, Luna. They’re more connected, more participating.”
“Be there such a big difference?”
“Yes, your batponies are interacting with you, the individual, as opposed to Celestia’s abstract goddess image. It’s healthier.”
“An interesting way of looking at it, John. Have thou progressed on thy conundrum?”
“I think I have but I’ve been too busy to test it. I am becoming less hurried in my pursuit as other strengths are developing.”
A batpony of Luna’s Nightguard is standing quietly in the shadows behind the dais.
“Captain, why don’t you come around here and join the conversation?”
He jumped a little but didn’t immediately move.
“Yes, I mean you behind the dais.”
Luna spoke, “John, my Nightguard are supposed to walk the shadows around me.”
“I understand that, Luna, but he has reminded me that I have been remiss in some of my duties and I must rectify that mistake before it becomes too late.”
The batpony comes around and approaches us from the front, “Your Majesty, I am at your service.”
“Captain, I should have spent time with you and your ponies before placing you in a public situation like this. That is my fault and I apologize for having to disrupt things to correct it. As you may have guessed, I can see you in the shadows even when my nose is pointed in another direction. I am also far faster and stronger than you might guess. And I am wearing a sword with a reach greater than your best spears. So if something should happen, get Luna to safety and stay out of my way. It takes a half acre to draw this monster but I can do it faster than you can see. I will draw all threats to me and dispose of them while you and your ponies keep Luna safe. Do we have understanding?”
“Yes, sir. We have heard of your strength and speed but it is good to have it confirmed.”
“I am going to be taking some Night Courts in the near future. We may find some time afterwards to spar or exercise. You need to know who you are working with. Tonight, we have another question. Can you see the several Minotaurs gathering in the far corner of the courtyard towards the moon?”
“Not well enough to identify them, Your Majesty. Would you like them investigated?”
“Please. And if action begins, drop the titles and shout ‘John’. It’s faster.”
“Yes, Sir.”
The batpony turns and squeaks briefly. A show detaches itself from the courtyard wall and drifts away. A few seconds later a similar shadow drifts above the Minotaurs in a loop and along the south wall to disappear over the west wall.
A batpony lands next to the Captain, “There are four Minotaurs in the southeast corner and two more approaching them from the west. The four are armed and are putting on mail. There is enough mail and weapons for three more Minotaurs.”
I replied, “Excellent report. Captain, deploy your ponies quietly. You will take Luna’s place on the dais staying shadowed until they commit. Luna, teleport to Celestia’s conference room and get Celestia and Steel up on what’s happening. Tell them that this is probably a feint.”
Luna popped out and the captain moved up on the dais with me.
“Your Majesty, why do you think this is a feint?”
“We’re on ‘John’ time now. Because last time we tangled I smoked five Unicorns simultaneously. They know that seven Minotaurs can’t be more than an annoyance.”
“Are you talking about that magic accident that happened at the same time as the bank raid, sir?”
“Those five Unicorns were defending something hidden in the basement of the bank, something stolen from the Castle.”
“So there may be a lot more to this than what we see right now, sir?”
“I see no point in risking a flock of pissed off Alicorns otherwise.”
We wait. The Minotaurs are moving around but not getting any closer.
I speculate, “They’re waiting for a signal of some kind. That’s good. It gives Steel time to get the entire Castle locked down.”
The crowd seem to be thinning in our vicinity. Not a big change but the bands are gone.
“Captain, is it your ponies or Steel’s pulling the foals out?”
“Ours, sir.”
“Then Steel must have a message for us because lunch is coming.”
“Yes, sir. But I can’t tell who is bringing it.”
“I can. That is Duchess Captain Swift Trail. I can feel our heart.”
The Minotaurs are closer but not a threat. I step down to accept the tray from Swift and place it on the dais.
“I hope they don’t get suspicious about the lack of magic use. What is Steel up to?”
“The Castle is fortified and all targets are accounted for and warded. Steel wants to know what you are going to do about the Minotaurs.”
“Tell him to line the walls around the courtyard with Guard then I’m going to negotiate with them. Have any ambassador or known employer that can be located brought in. Now get back inside quick.”
Before Swift can turn to leave, the Minotaurs are coming at full charge.
“Captain, get Swift in the Castle. She’s a target.”
I crank up my strength then walk out to meet the Minotaurs pulling my sword as I go. The Nightguard are pulling back from their line of attack and filling in behind them.
Deep breath and turn up the volume, “Stop!” and they do, looking bewildered. The biggest one starts towards me again.
“They told you that I don’t have any magic, didn’t they?”
That stopped him again.
“They lied. Most of what they told you was lies. The only way out of here for you is to realize that and cooperate.”
He yells and charges. I kick in speed and make a simple roundhouse cut across his neck as I step across his path and out of the way of his falling body.
Slowing down and stepping closer to the rest of them, “Look around you. I can walk away and you’ll still have a company of Guardponies to deal with. Give me details of who is behind this and I will give you passage home.”
One of them spoke up, “We want our ambassador.”
“No, you don’t get to ask that until all weapons and armor are on the ground.”
They complied promptly.
“Now step this way until you are clear of the weapons.”
They did.
“Who wants a ticket home?”
Silence.
I turn to the Guardpony nearest me, “Go get Applejack.”
Back to the Minotaurs, “I don’t expect you to know who AJ is so I’m going to help you. She’s a member of the Royal Herd and an Element Bearer, the Element of Honesty. You can’t lie to her and you can’t hide from her. Information not volunteered does not earn a ticket home.”
Silence. Anypony this disciplined has to be military.
AJ comes in at a full gallop, “We can’t find Swift.”
Focus, “Details?”
“Swift never got back from taking you lunch and there is a dead Nightguard between the dais and the Castle. According to witnesses she was walking with the Nightguard but nopony saw anything happen to them.”
“We need to extract every single bit of information you can from this bunch. They might know where she is.”
I step back and concentrate. I can feel an even three part beat so I know she is alive and not too stressed but I can’t seem to get a direction. AJ is right in front of me but Swift seems to be in multiple directions. Not good.
“I’m going to look at the dead Guardpony and confirm what happened.”
I sprint over and yep, it’s the Captain. And he has a hole in him just like that last assassin at the Spring Fling. I kick up the speed and run back to AJ.
Addressing the Minotaurs, “Your employer has kidnapped one of my mares, a member of the Royal Herd. Don’t count on diplomatic immunity.”
That makes them nervous. I walk up to the one that asked for their ambassador.
“Follow me”
He doesn’t move so I dial up the strength, grab him by a horn, and march him to the other side of the dais.
Pushing him to the ground, I stand over him, “You are messing with my band. Right now the Royal pony wants to make a deal. If that doesn’t work, the monster that eats Manticores will come out. He really wants to play with you.”
Damned if he isn’t crapping all over himself.
“AJ, this one wants to talk.”
AJ walks up and wrinkles her nose, “You must be very persuasive.”
“AJ, I want to know if he tells the least untruth or evasion.”
She looks at him with that special focus.
“Who is behind this?”
We made our way through a long series of questions to arrive at ‘he’s a security contractor for the Minotaur embassy and gets his orders from the one I killed who gets his orders from embassy staff and all they are supposed to do is test our security.’
They all have the same story but the ambassador has arrived and we have somepony new to question. Celestia and the rest of the Royal Herd are with him surrounded by most of the Guard staff.
“AJ, focus on the ambassador.”
“You can’t use magic on me nor can you hold any of my staff. Every Minotaur on my staff has diplomatic immunity.”
“Are these Minotaurs on your staff?”
“Yes they are.”
“Then diplomatic immunity no longer applies. See the dead one over there? All the weapons on the ground? They attacked the Royal Stallion with drawn weapons on the Royal Palace grounds. They aided in the abduction of a Royal Mare. Those are acts of war.”
That shook him.
Celestia spoke up, “John, I’ve know this Minotaur for years and he is an honorable individual.”
“I’m sure he is, Celestia, Aj is standing here verifying it for me. But he is also the chief representative of his government in Equestria and agents of his government are part of an attempted coup right here in front of us. The instant that he gives these agents any aid or authority from his government we are at war with the Minotaurs so just let me handle it. I want him to understand that if any harm at all comes to Swift because he withheld information or help, I will personally escort the entire Minotaur race back to the stone age.”
He’s looking at Celestia, pleading.
“Don’t bother looking at her. She knows she can’t control me in this. I’m plenty strong enough to tear your land to pieces without any help. AJ, verify that for him.”
AJ put the look on me, “John, the Element agrees with you.”
I look back at the ambassador.
He collapses, “There is one other. They are all ‘security contractors’ hired in the capital and sent to me as a package. I can take them or resign. I tried to find their boss to bring him here with me but he is signed out to go to dinner with a pony of the herd Blueblood. They are supposed to be discussing a construction contract. I will bring him to you when he returns.”
“He won’t return. He’s dead by now. They haven’t hesitated to kill ponies so they damned sure won’t be bothered by killing other races. What do you think we should do with the rest of them?”
“I and my government disavow and repudiate all of them and all of their actions. They are all part of some rogue operation not sanctioned by any legitimate agency of the Minotaur government. I beg that you be merciful with them.”
I look up at the Royal Herd present, “We have more than enough for a Royal Court present. Does anypony present doubt their guilt?”
I take a head count and get all ‘no’.
“Geld and release them.”
Another head count gets a little hesitation but no disagreement.
“Colonel Steel, can you make sure it gets done quickly? And get them some tarps to haul off their remains without contaminating any more of the Castle?”
“With pleasure, You Majesty.”
Turning back to the ambassador, “Be sure to make a complete report to your government ASAP. I want them to know what they have awakened.”
I walk over to where Luna is standing, “Luna, please walk with me.”
“Of course, John.”
As we drifted towards the Castle door, “I didn’t even ask his name. What kind of band does he leave?”
“He was Dark Sword and he leaves two mares and three foals.”
“Have they been notified?”
“Yes. The Guard will care for them.”
“So will I. I owe him. And I am sorry for screwing up your day.”
We’re back in Celestia’s big conference room, or should I rename it ‘war room’.
“Can we track her? They have confused my directional ability on the heartbond. Can we enhance it? Even a general direction would help. We could move and mark until we had a small enough area to search the old fashion way.”
Twilight takes that one, “We can’t know until we try but I am sure that a more magic friendly body would help.”
I have a question, “How identifiable would I be in this room full of Alicorns? I don’t want to scare them too badly because their only choice then would be to kill everypony that could identify them and play the ‘not me’ game.”
Celestia picked it up, “I don’t think it matters any more, John. You just had the Elements publicly confirm your status as a deity.”
“Did I do that? I must have been pissed about something.”
Celestia wasn’t done, “Coming shortly after our public show of social equality and your declaration that I can’t control you, I’d say that you’re stretching your wings.”
I looked at Twilight, “Is it really that bad?”
Twilight is smirking at me, “Go ahead and change. I bet your back itches.”
Uh oh. Calmly now, I walk to the corner and unbuckle my sword. Then I undress and lean forward as I shift into my A-Pony. He seems a little taller than last time I wore him. And my back does itch. Looking around, I see two bumps.
Focusing on Twilight, “That’s what you two were giggling about, isn’t it?”
She nods, “And you have seven bands now. You should have a much stronger focus. See if you can use it on Swift.”
She’s right, I can focus better and ‘see’ in finer detail. I can tell Swift is conscious and calm but her direction still seems random. I know it is a magical illusion of some kind but I can’t find a clue as to what kind.
Answering Twilight, “I can tell she is conscious and calm but the randomness of her direction is unchanged. That gives us three possible paths. Research might disclose a magic phenomena that causes this effect. Investigation of their various holdings might show some possible hiding places. And they might screw up and invite me in. My best hope is on the last one.”
Steel had a suggestion, “Don’t forget that Swift and Dark Sword are both Guard. We can lean on Blueblood pretty damned hard without being a magic threat. Dark Sword’s killing was a mirror copy of that last assassin from the Spring Fling and that is not a common weapon or technique. We couldn’t convict him on that alone but we could justify a lot of questions.”
I agreed, “That sounds just a whole lot like my previously mentioned investigation strategy. The upside is that the more rocks you turn over, the cleaner the world gets. We’ve got spies, thieves, murderers, and kidnappers to catch. That increases the odds of finding the next step toward our goal. The downside is that Swift is a witness. Getting too close could endanger her.
She knows we’re coming and she knows the risks. She is waiting calmly. So I’d rather be damned for what I did than what I didn’t.”
Twilight says, “Spike and I are going to be researching no matter what. If you need us, send for us.”
I replied, “Twilight, go where you have to go and don’t even think about me. I’ll be with Celestia and Luna. AJ, your talent would be most useful to Steel. I don’t care about convictions if we get Swift back safely. I’ll deal with loose ends on a personal level.
“Luna, you will have the hardest job. Celestia will help you but you have the best chance of pulling it off. You will have to sit on me all day every day. Their most likely strategy is to remove the obfuscation on Swift and torture her. In that case I will go directly to her in a straight line and anything that gets in the way will get hurt. AJ will know also and can alert the rest of you.
“I guess everypony else will have to keep Equestria together until this is over. I don’t expect it to last long and thank all of you for your help.”
I walked back to my clothes and sword, capturing them in my magic and linking them to me.
“Luna, I want to spend the day with you as planned but I need to find some food soon and you need to lower the moon?”
“Worry not, Friend John. Thy desire will be waiting in our kitchen before thou can get there.”
“I’ll take all the omelet and fruit you can find. I have a feeling that I’ll be eating a lot for a while.”
We cut through the Throne Room crossing to Luna’s side so I decided to try something. There is enough room for a pretty large wobble. I stopped then very delicately pushed the floor away from me. It receded. Then pushed the air behind me and glided forward past Luna.
“Very good, Friend John. We can proceed whensoever thou wishes.”
“I will pass on today. I would not be trying this save for the excess of room for mistakes. Between the fatigue and the emotional stress I’m living on the edge right now. Besides, I like this look. Nothing screams ultra powerful wizard coming to get you better than a pony just gliding smoothly along without moving a muscle. I want it to be the last thing Blueblood sees.”
Luna is true to her word. There are two large bowls on the kitchen table. Eating with magic takes some mental adjustment. A whole lifetime of fingers=dirty has to go out the window. Hunger takes care of it.
I fold my legs under me and get comfortable on a pad in the main room. I can reach my back to bite it but not well. Magic is simply unsatisfying as a scratcher. Then Luna comes down the stairs.
“Allow me, Stallion John.”
It feels so good. I close my eyes and relax.
Ah, feathers, lots of feathers and they’re humming. This feels good. There is softness against my cheek and warmth next to me. I reach out with my wing to pull her closer. . . . Wing?
That wakes me up and I have to look. Nope. Just a little nub twitching. Luna is looking at me.
“Hello, Stallion John. Phantom wings?”
“Yes. How did you guess?”
“I felt it. By directing thy own ascension some parts be following the way of the first, natural ascensions and some be in the fashion of thy desire. Had thou but waited, thine way could have been guided and quick like that of Twilight.
“Are you telling me that if I had waited Celestia would have just waved the horn at me and had it done?”
“Did she not mention the next spring?”
“I didn’t get the ascension part of next spring, just the excessive sex part.”
“Typical stallion.”
“There are two things saving you from a thorough thrashing just now. I need to say goodbye to breakfast and hello to dinner.”
“What be thou desire for dinner?”
“Fish and many veggies.”
We are sitting at the kitchen table, Luna giggling as I put away the third full portion of everything, when a batpony comes in. Bowing, she announces, “Princess Celestia requests both Princess Luna and Prince John in the conference room immediately after moon raising.”
I thank her and turn to Luna, “My very thought. I have a partly formed idea that needs development. I am fairly sure about parts of it but I need to look among the clothes Swift left here for me.”
We did and there was nothing here save what I had brought in myself.
“That means that my clothes and small sword are with Swift wherever she is. I didn’t notice that she had her saddle bags when she delivered lunch but it would have been out of character for her to not have them. How long until moon raising?”
“Forty minutes. Thou might wish to witness it with thy new sight.”
“I think I will. I just need to keep back far enough not to be identifiable. I can’t move forward with my idea until Celestia is there anyway.”
“A question, Stallion John, if Friend Swift has thine other sword, won’t it be necessary to wield this one?”
“I’m sure I could because my magic hands work just like my meat hands but I don’t have any way to carry it. It’s just too long for a pony body.”
“Pick it up, Stallion John, and show me how thou dost wield it and I will show thou how Wizard John might carry it.”
So I picked it up and waved it about the little that I could in a small room ending by slicing an apple twice in mid air.
“Point made Prince John. The spell is called ‘wizard’s pocket’ or ‘wizard’s satchel’. It will be any size thou will and take no room. Thou can fill it as thy wish and it still weighs nothing. Only thou can open it and thou can call specific things out of it. Follow me but thou must do the casting.”
I do and it works great. Where has this been all of my life? Then I have a thought.
“What happens to it when I change bodies?”
“I know not. Never before have I befriended a shape changer.”
So I put an apple and an orange in it and change to human. It’s nowhere to be found. Back to A-Pony and it’s right where I left and the fruit is unchanged. Good. I put my sword, scabbard, and clothes in and close it. I hold my magic hand out in front of me and call the sword. It leaps into my hand just as I will. I like this.
“Luna, I owe you a very big one for this.”
“It be ordinary magic, Friend John.”
“But you thought of it when it might save my life.”
“It is time.”
For the first time I can see all of what Luna is doing and it makes sense to me.
Back down and across to the conference room. All present.
Twilight has hints but nothing concrete yet.
Steel has his suspect in custody but no talking yet. An amazing number of off duty Guard are hanging around Blueblood’s bank and compound but nothing concrete yet.
No contacts made anywhere.
“I have a question for Celestia. Do you remember that small sword you gave me? The one I said was to mark me?”
“Yes I do, John”
“The one that has a large sun sigil in the pommel? Can you tell where it is?”
“I should be able to but I thought you have it.”
“Nope, Swift does.”
A moment of concentration later, “It’s near Appleloosa. Between Appleloosa and the Macintosh Hills.”
“Can you tell anything about the environment? Building? Cave?”
“No, but I might when we get closer.”
“We need to sneak up on them and put a cap on the place before they can teleport out. Then I can enter on foot in my human body. They will expect that and will know my magic is limited. When they spring their trap, I will shift to this body and go after Swift. Once I get to Swift, I can shield us while I rip the place apart from the inside. As long as they can’t escape, we will end this here and now.”
It was decided that our party would consist of Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and me. Celestia and Luna would maintain the shield and capture any escapees. I would be the entry team and Twilight would be rapid response.
A second group would be Shining and Steel with two squads to seal the Blueblood compound. Anypony trying to enter or leave would be detained and a shield would prevent any teleports. A decision on entry would be based what we discovered in Appleloosa.
Cadance would hold the Castle and wait for anypony that might show up wanting asylum.
I ran back to the tower to get some clothes for the raid but I took a detour upstairs and put my Beretta and three clips in my wizard’s pocket along with the clothes. I have no intention of letting this deteriorate into a fair fight.
We teleport to the Appleloosa train station. I’m ‘riding’ with Luna and she seem to be taking her time with the spell. I don’t mind because I’m learning a lot.
Behind the station we prepare to take off.
I ask, “Can you tell any more from here?”
Celestia replies, “It’s definitely underground and on the edge of the Macintosh Hills. That’s mine country.”
“Can you still cap it?”
“Not completely but there’s a lot better than even chance of catching anypony coming out.”
“Can you get us out after they collapse the mine?”
Luna floated a necklace with a crescent moon pendant to me.
“This can summon me anywhere. If thou can see Swift, use it.”
“I think I’m going in pony. He’ll want to let me get in sight of Swift then collapse the mine on both of us so our dying sight is each other dying. I’m going to have to get a shield up fast. He’ll know that simply sealing us in will just give you a chance to rescue us. I’ll be running on high speed too but he’s seen that so he’ll be expecting it.”
Celestia has one more question, “Can you keep up flying or do you want one of us to carry you?”
“I think I can keep up. Let’s try it.”
I go gliding pony straight up to give them room and they all spread out and unfurl. We all launch off behind Celestia and head south. I feel the wind and my winglets trying to sweep like the majestic Alicorns in front of me. Celestia picks up speed and so do I. I have plenty of reserve so I kick it hard and blow by Celestia to let her know. She kicks it too and I drop back into formation.
In a few seconds she swoops low to the ground and pulls up against a hill. We all land and gather.
Celestia said, “It’s over the hill and down no more than four hundred yards away.”
I creep up and peer over the top of the hill.
“There’s a mine of some kind with a vertical shaft and draw works. I don’t see tailings or transport so I doubt it’s active. I’m going in.”
Kicking up to full speed, I slip over the hill and across the open ground to the draw works. There’s a shiny new rope hanging down into the shaft. Why didn’t they just paint ‘trap’ on it in florescent letters? Going gliding pony, I sink down the shaft switching to exclusively magic ‘seeing’. About forty yards down there’s a floor and two tunnels leading north or south. The south tunnel is obviously used but the north tunnel is not so I go south. About eighty yards in I begin to see light. Coming around a mild bend in the tunnel, I see the source. It’s Swift in some kind of luminous bubble. I start forward and stop.
She has a shadow. We are in a mine and the bubble she’s in is the only source of light yet she has a shadow. Her saddle bags are on the floor right in front of the bubble. I can’t feel any difference in our heart either. So I grab the saddle bags and stuff into my wizard’s pocket as I run back up the tunnel as fast as I can. Rocks are separating from the ceiling as I watch. So I go gliding pony and kick in the afterburner. I put a shield in front of me to deflect loose rocks and turn straight up when I get to the shaft. I shoot up to several hundred yards altitude scattering rocks and draw works behind me.
Our heart is unchanged confirming that Swift was never in that mine. Three high speed Alicorns home in on me and hover.
“Swift was never there, just an image. Nopony at all was in there. It is pure deadfall trap. I do have the saddle bags, though. All that’s left is seeing if we can determine who set it.”
All that’s left of the mine shaft and house is a shallow crater filled with ruble. The office yields exactly nothing.
I suggest, “Let’s go see if there is an office in town.”
We take off in our three and a half Alicorn formation and head to town. When we get there we just zip right in and land in the middle of the main street. Lights go on and doors open all through town.
Celestia announces in full voice, “We need the owners and workers from the mine southeast of town halfway to the Macintosh Hills.”
A pony wearing a badge steps up, “That mine played out years ago, Your Majesty. Some outsiders have been here talking about reopening it but nopony here was hired and they didn’t stay. The County Assayer and Mine Inspector will have whatever information is available.”
Celestia made it simple, “Get him.”
I had an idea, “Did they bring in any equipment?”
The Sheriff replied, “Yes, they did, though not much.”
“Bring the railroad Stationmaster too.”
The Assayer is an elderly Unicorn stallion and the Stationmaster is a young Earth pony mare. Both admit to having business with the outsiders working the old mine.
I turn to Sheriff Silverstar, “We need a private place to talk.”
He replies, “No problem, use my office,” and leads us all to it.
Celestia starts questioning the Assayer but I intervene, “Let me, Celestia, this is another of those ‘my department’ things.”
She steps back and I face the Assayer, “My name is John and I’m the new Royal Stallion. We are here because a small group of ponies from the old Noble Herds resent me. They were robbing Celestia and I stopped it. They have kidnapped one of my mares and I need to find her. The mine those outsiders were claiming to reopen is now completely caved in. It was set up as a trap to kill me. I want to meet them very badly.
“You know what some of them look like. I would like your permission to walk in your mind and see them for myself. We will seem to be standing on a white floor with your memories arrayed as windows in front of us. I would like to find and copy the memories with these individuals in them. I will carry these memories back to Canterlot and use them to find and prosecute ponies guilty of kidnapping and murder. You can say no to all or to any particular memory but I would consider it a great favor to be allowed to do this.
“Do you consent?”
He was staring at me, “Did you say ‘copy’ memories?”
I smiled, “Search, copy, magnify, play forwards and backwards. It’s a new system. If you pay attention you will be able to do it all yourself before I leave.”
He’s smiling from ear to ear now, “Please start.”
I place the tip of my horn carefully on the top of his head and will myself in. We are standing on the familiar floor looking a lot of memories.
He looks up at me, “This is different, Your Majesty.”
“In your head, ‘John’ will do.”
“Call me ‘Gold’, short for Gold Digger.”
“Tell me, Gold, when did they first show up?”
“A little less than a month ago, John.”
“Okay, watch this,” and I willed the memories to line up by date starting a month ago. They swirled and it was so.
“Now where did you see them”
“They came into the office.”
“Did you ever go to the mine or meet them any place else?”
“No, sir. They came into the office, registered, got their safety orientation, and left.”
I sorted out everything but office memories.
“You can focus on a single memory and pull it to us, like this. Then you can play it through any time you like by sliding the little dot left and right, like this. If it isn’t what we want, just push it back and choose another one. Now try it for yourself.”
He did and shortly we had a list of Blueblood henchponies with first class cutie and coat ID. Then he got to the one I was waiting for.
“STOP. That one right there. I want every second that you have on him.”
I got his ass now. I made sure that I had good clear copies of everything then I thanked him and backed out. Sanding up, I stretched and smiled, “We got him.”
Gold looked up at me, “Is this what they teach in Unicorn school nowadays?”
I grinned, “Not yet. This is brand new.”
His eyes got wide, “You made this?”
I nodded.
He bowed deeply, “Thank you, Your Majesty. Equestria has been needing a wizard like you for a long time.”
Walking to the Stationmaster, “You heard what I told Gold. Are you willing to do the same?”
She nodded and bowed her head. I made the touch and we looked through her memories. It didn’t take as long because she had less interaction and better time sense. I got one new helper and lots of confirmations.
Standing back and looking at Celestia, “We need to thank these good ponies and get back to Canterlot. I have all we need.
We are in Celestia’s big conference room again, this time contemplating some serious action. I have a presentation to make.
“Everything that I am going to tell you can be witnessed in my memories. I will open them for inspection by any who desires.
“While escorting Luna for the Celebration I noticed some Minotaurs acting in a threatening manner. I sent Luna in to the Castle via teleport to notify Celestia and Steel. Nightguard Captain Dark Sword took Luna’s place to serve as bait for the Minotaurs and any other threat. Dutchess Captain Swift Trail came out to the dais as courier to carry messages between myself and Steel. The Minotaurs attacked at that moment and I sent Swift into the Castle escorted by Dark. Swift is missing and Dark is dead after the attack is thwarted. Swift’s saddle bags containing my clothes and custom made sword disappeared with her.
“The sword has a large Sun Sigil in the pommel and Celestia was able to trace it to a mine southeast of Appleloosa. I entered the mine and recovered the saddlebags with the sword still in them. There was an image of Swift being projected into the mine from elsewhere. Moving the saddlebags triggered a complete collapse of the mine. It was a trap tailored to kill my human body but as a Unicorn I was able to escape.
“Investigation in the town of Appleloosa yielded two ponies that had contact with the outsiders that had arrived by rail with equipment and claiming to be reopening the mine. They started a couple of weeks ago so something like this has long been their plan. The Mine Inspector has paper records of each individual that registered to work in the mine and I have his memories with face, coat, and cutie clear and complete on all of them. The pony that signed off as superintendent of the mine was Blueblood himself.
“Do we have enough to bring him in and force a memory search? Or to raid the compound and find some of the henchponies?”
Twilight spoke first, “A, you’re no Unicorn and B, we most certainly have enough to ask a lot of questions.”
Luna went next, “I want my friend Swift back.”
Shining spoke bluntly, “I want point on the entry team.”
Cadance had a question, “Have we considered going public with this? Lay it all out in front of the ponies and let them put pressure on Blueblood?”
Celestia answered that, “Too many dangerous things could come out with it. Remember that Blueblood has been pilfering in the palace.”
Steel said simply, “I want to stand next to Shining.”
And my opinion, “Steel and Shining can flip a coin to decide who gets my left and who gets my right.”
AJ said, “I only care about one thing. I want Swift back.”
Celestia is looking at me, “I need another option.”
I thought for a moment, “Do we have a neutral third party? Somepony who could go to Blueblood and arrange a meeting. We could ‘explore options’ with them.”
Celestia is still looking at me, “Would you make and honor an agreement with them?”
“I will do anything to get Swift back whole and healthy. And I will leave no trace of his herd alive if he harms her. Steel and Shining, if we are going to negotiate you can relax the blockade to simple observation.”
Celestia says, “I have had some dealings with his lawyer, Civil Hassler. I believe she could arrange something. Do you have any preferences as to location?”
“I don’t care, though I do wish I had full wings to rub his nose in how badly he has screwed up.”
“Look around. You’re doing better than you think.”
I looked and they were small but fully shaped wings. I flexed them and grinned.
“I guess that’s why I’m so hungry. Well, now you have at least until mid morning. I’m going to go get a big breakfast and make my debut among friends.”
It’s fitting that my first real public display of myself as an Alicorn is going to be my morning breakfast. These ponies have always been my friends and supporters.
I walk in to the cafeteria to a sudden hush and, about a second later, applause. At the order window I ask for a twelve egg, cheese, and chicken omelet with three bowls of oatmeal and two large fruit bowls. When they are ready, I tag them with my magic and head for a table with a veritable parade of food trays in tow. Steel walks in just then and laughs.
“Hey, the wings gotta come from somewhere.” I retort.
Most of the crowd laughs at that one. The world is better now. I still have my anchor.
After breakfast, I check in with Celestia. No news.
“Celestia, I haven’t meant to leave you out of the new methods. It’s just that we need a few hours of mind walking to get it all down and every time I try to set that up, shit happens. I’ll be with Luna today but maybe, if nothing happens, we can do something tonight. I need to show you some memories at the least.”
“And I have some things I need to show you. Some you might find useful. If we haven’t heard anything by nightfall, I think it will be safe enough.”
“I’ll see you then, at the latest.”
Luna is waiting for me in the kitchen.
“Have some tea, Stallion John.”
“Thank you my very very good Friend Luna.”
“Thy young wings be in sore need of attention.”
“I believe they have had a trying day. Even with tiny nubs I cannot deny the urge to sweep and soar with the rest of you. And that doesn’t count blasting through the mine.”
“’twere a rare sight, Friend John. Thou hast displayed an excellent mimicry of a volcano.”
We move to the main room so that I have space to spread my wing a little. The thought staggers me. My wings are growing that much.
“Thou art going to possess a magnificent spread, Stallion John. I dream of our dance among the clouds.”
“I do too, my Magnificent Mare. I have dreamed since shortly after arriving in Equestria. So much of this has a feeling of fate.”
“Remember, Friend John, that thou art in Equestria and in Equestria fate hath a name.”
“I understand that. But have you ever wondered why the summoning chose me? Maybe fate had some help from destiny.”
Time to move over a little so I can work on the other wing.
“Luna, this is a prime example. I’m sitting here as a talking equine preening my wings with my magic fingers while I discuss my destiny with a magical equine princess. Three years ago I would have laughed at any part of that statement as absurdly impossible. Today it’s not just completely normal for me but it feels like what was missing from my previous life. Equestria is my home at a level that Terra never was.
“Would this not be a part of thy great Oath?”
“You’ve got your cause and effect mixed. I wrote that oath because I wanted this result. I didn’t know that magic would enforce it for me but I fully intended to enforce it with my own will.”
Luna is saved from more of my introspection by the arrival of a Guard courier.
“Princess Celestia requests the presence of Prince John in Her private office as soon as possible.”
I returned the courier’s salute and she left.
“Luna, I’ll bet you whatever you want to lose that a lawyer is ready to talk. I think I’ll go as human.”
I pull my small sword and clothes out of my wizard’s pocket and make the change. Then I dress and take off for the office.
Celestia is entertaining a middle aged Unicorn mare when I enter.
“Prince John, this is Civil Hassler, attorney for the Blueblood coalition.”
She bows and I nod then sit on the floor. That puts me at about her standing eyeball height.
Celestia speaks first, “John, there’s been a fire in Appleloosa that destroyed the County Assayer’s office and seriously injured the Assayer.”
“Really? Then I guess it’s good I made verifiable copies.”
I smiled, “What can I do for you, councilor?”
Celestia again, “She wants to know the exact nature of the disagreement between you and Blueblood.”
“What have you told her?”
“Nothing”
So I turned to the good councilor and unfolded the entire story from crooked contracts to kidnapped mare with baited trap.
She smiled at me and said, “That’s a bunch rumor and innuendo. You have no proof that my client is involved in any of that.”
I stand and draw my sword. The councilor visibly shrinks as I turn the sword around and present the pommel to her.
“Remember that part of the story? I recovered this from the mine near Appleloosa, the mine your client signed off on as superintendent. I have complete images of your client with cutie visible claiming it as his mine just days before.”
“You couldn’t possibly . . .”
“I just told you about the Earth pony that smoked five high level Unicorns in a head to head magic battle that lasted less than a minute. You don’t have the first clue what is possible for me. Swift’s safety and my respect for Celestia are the only things between your clients and total annihilation. It is very much in your clients’ best interest to get Swift back to me healthy and happy.”
“Can you actually prove any of that?”
“What would you consider an adequate demonstration?”
“How about a magic sparring with me?”
“Not in the Castle.”
“Can’t handle it?”
“Last time I magic sparred with Shining Armor, Colonel Steel stopped it because we were threatening the structure of the Castle. I promised not to do it again.”
“See what I mean? That’s just another wild claim.”
“We could have Shining and Steel in here in minutes or you and I could pick a convenient open field.”
“Do you think you could stop me if I went after you?”
I kick in high speed, stand and step over the councilor lightly touching the tip of her horn. Then I drop my speed.
“Yes.”
I go back to where I was and sit down again.
“That represents about two percent of possible. Would you like more demonstration? In fact, why don’t we have the next demonstration somewhere neutral and you can bring your client.”
“I’ll have to get back to you with his reply.”
“Don’t take too long.”
The learned lawyer exited the office and as soon as she was safely down the hall I got out of the scabbard and clothes. Going to A-Pony, I stuffed it all in my wizard’s pocket and turned to Celestia.
“Damned, that feels so much better.”
“You look about ready to fly, John.”
“I feel past ready to fly but I can’t do it around here until we’re done with Blueblood. The bastard is just screwing up so many things in my life. Right now I feel like lunch and lunch and lunch. Would you like to eat and talk?”
“I would like that very much, John. What would you like to eat?”
“I’m easy. Anything with massive quantities of fish will satisfy me. The only annoying part is not being able to go out right now.”
“How about we go to my kitchen and have five servings of fish and rice brought in.”
“You’ve got plenty of fruit already there?”
“Yes.”
“Lets go.”
We make ourselves comfortable at Celestia’s kitchen table and she jumped right in.
“What are these ‘new methods’ I keep hearing about? That old Unicorn was certainly impressed.”
“I just found a number of Terran techniques that can be used with Equestrian magic. I’ve adapted a file browser like used in my phone to organize memories. It can be learned in minutes and suddenly everypony has wizard class mind organization.”
The food arrives and I became distracted.
Celestia isn’t as diverted, “But how does that explain the things you can do that nopony else can do?”
“Look at me right now. I see my manipulation magic as invisible hands. It took a major mental adjustment for me to eat with magic. I have a lifetime of conditioning behind me that says that eating with your fingers is dirty. It makes no sense at all for magic but the mental block was substantial. You have some of those common to all Equestrians. I don’t because I didn’t grow up in Equestria. So I just do things for no other reason than nopony has told me I can’t. Magic doesn’t care. It goes where the will directs it.”
“So that’s what the old Unicorn meant when he said that you were the wizard that Equestria needed. You ignore the conventional wisdom and make your own way.”
“Yep. It’s exactly the same as your stallion problem. The noble herds just keep doing the same thing that grandpa did, even though it doesn’t work, until they’ve all descended to either mediocrity or madness and you have to look outside for a bloodline that can revive Equestria.
“And you, more than anything else, are looking for a vacation. That’s why you keep throwing that ‘deity’ label at me. I’m going to be the new sun god so you can sleep in for the first time in over a thousand years. What you missed is that your summoning was better than you expected. Anypony that is capable of taking care of a whole world for a thousand years without a break is my kind of pony. I have always had a compulsion to take care of others and keep them safe. That’s what I did on Terra at a very high wizard equivalent rank. So I don’t mind spelling you in the daily grind. Now you can settle down while we work on the details of the rest of our relationship.”
“What are you trying to tell me, John?”
“I’m trying to tell you that you can trust me and rely on me. I accept the nomination to adoptive parent for Equestria. I feel myself growing into the role. You can relax and start planning some relief for yourself. What I want is for your trust to grow enough to let me in to your heart. That’s what will make the millennia bearable.”
“Now I understand. You want to be co ruler and co deity and live with me every day but you want to take your time with our relationship and dance our complex dance so we can draw the fun out for centuries.”
“Pretty close. As a side issue I also have obligations to Luna, Twilight, AJ, and Swift that I won’t walk away from.”
“I don’t think I could trust you if you did. And after all, you are a stallion. We have agreement.”
“Good, now I want to go flying. Have you noticed how intimidating Alicorns can be with their size and wingspread? When we go to meet Blueblood, I want us to fly in and land damned near on top of him as the all powerful Rulers of Equestria come to solve his problem. It will set the tone for any negotiation and me in full Alicorn mode should shock the shit out of him. We just need to do it out of sight so we don’t spoil the surprise.”
“We can take care of that.”
And we are back in a familiar courtyard. I take a final look at my borrowed memories, turn to face the wind, open my wings to their full span, and feel the wind. No thought is required. I raise, cup, sweep and I’m forty yards from the ground. I sweep again and again. The castle looks small way down there but I don’t care. I have the complete freedom of the sky and life is good. Celestia is coming up behind me. Not going to let it happen. I tuck and dive kicking in the gliding pony thrust. I’m going very fast when I pull up just above the trees and leave shredded vegetation in my wake. Celestia is ‘that’ way so I loop around and drop to a glide as I pass her.
“John, what in the hell are you doing?”
“Having fun?”
“I mean how are you going so fast without using wings?”
“I’m using wings. You just don’t need as much wing when you go fast. I collapse my wings as the speed increases so that I maintain just enough wing to provide lift. That reduces the drag and lets me go faster. I’m using gliding pony thrust for power. I almost went mach but I decided to put that off for another day.”
“Went mach?”
“Terran term. Means exceed the speed of sound.”
“John, professional stunt fliers train for years and dream of doing it. You did it in your first five minutes?”
“My way only works for Alicorns. You need wing and levitation at the same time.”
“Oh. This is another of those ‘because nopony told me you couldn’t’ moments, isn’t it?”
“Yep. It also happens to be how Terran aircraft work. I’m going to go practice dramatic landings.”
I arrived at a combination of levitation and wing that is controllable and likely to blow bystanders off their feet.
Celestia is waiting at the spot where we arrived, “Ready?”
“Yep. Thanks. This has done wonders for my psyche.”
When we get back a message was waiting.
The good councillor and Blueblood want to meet at a restaurant in Canterlot just after sundown.
I ask Celestia, “Do we know anything about this place?”
She replies, “It’s an open courtyard with streets all around and a kitchen behind.”
“Not very private. Not much way to sneak either. He will try to provoke something with witnesses all around. Can we send somepony in and reserve the whole place?”
“He’s probably already done that.”
“Let’s make sure. It will be ideal for our grand entrance.”
The courier returns to report that the Royal Herd has reserved the entire restaurant with the lawyer and party listed as guests and had comped dinners for everypony bumped.
It is time. We go to the balcony and launch. Celestia is leading and will make the first landing. There is a large crowd gathered on the street. I guess word got around from the displaced diners. Celestia glides in and walks through the gate. I follow almost as gracefully. Blueblood and his councilor are seated at the center table.
As we walk up the councillor asks, “When will John Sampson be here?”
I replied, “Prince John is here.”
She looks around, “Where?”
“Right here in mid demonstration. Remember when I told you that you didn’t have a clue what I was capable of.”
She’s looking me over carefully now, “Is this real?”
“Completely. Remember my Oath? I’m the best pony I can possibly be. I chose that because pony is what I want to be. And I ascended the old fashion way, by my own hard work and skill.”
She switches to Celestia, “Do you verify this, Your Majesty?”
Celestia replies, “Yes I do. I took his original Oath and recognized his potential as a world class wizard then. It has been very exciting watching him grow into his pony persona. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to sever all ties with the universe of my birth and start the process of becoming an Alicorn all over again in a strange land. He did it.”
She turned back to me, “I want to apologize, Your Majesty. When you started casually making statements about having strong enough magic to threaten the structure of the Castle, I never imagined anything like this.”
I replied, “No problem. We’ve been keeping it in the Herd for good reasons. This is my public debut.”
Celestia has had enough, “None of this is why we are here. What do you two have to offer to settle our dispute?”
Blueblood jumped in, “What dispute? All I know about is your attacks on my properties. I just want you to leave me alone.”
I asked, “So you deny holding Duchess Captain Swift Trail hostage to lure me into a trap?”
He sneered, “Of course I do and you can’t prove different.”
I smiled, “Wanna bet?” I called my small sword out of my wizard’s pocket and reversed it.
“I found that in the bottom of your mine along with an image of Swift. It was in Swift’s saddle bags when she was abducted. Celestia tracked it by the sigil. She can testify to that.”
He is defiant, “Even if all that is true, I have holdings all over Equestria. Anypony could have trespassed on a mine I’ve never even seen in person and you can’t prove otherwise.”
Turning to Civil Hassler, “I can show it to you in detail if you would care to take a little mind walk.”
She looked sceptical.
I nodded at Celestia, “Celestia is here to insure that both of us stay safe. Do you trust her?”
She nodded, “Go ahead.”
I started at landing on the hill and played the entire mine incident through to sorting the old Assayer’s memories then I played his memories of Blueblood registering and certifying the mine.
“There’s a lot more like it. We can drag them all out if you want to make a Court out of it.”
She turns to Blueblood, “Make a deal. You’re way over your head already.”
Blueblood asks, “What do you want, Princess?”
Celestia replies, “I want you to stop stealing but the aggrieved party today is Prince John.”
He turns to me, “How much do you want?”
I reply, “I want one . . . pony. I want Swift healthy and happy.”
He thinks a moment, “What guarantees do I have that you will leave me alone?”
“Look at me. This is the kind of strength my oaths have. My word is more than enough.”
He’s getting crafty, “How would the exchange be made?”
“You teleported her out, just go get her and bring her back here. And remember that she has my oath too.”
He’s beginning to get creepy, “And I get to keep all my money and all my other mares?”
“Just as a matter of curiosity, how many other mares do you have?”
“Other than this one, twenty eight. But we have plenty of time to go before spring.”
“Damned, that’s a crowd. How do you keep that many in your house?”
“Oh, they’re not here. I’ve got a big secure place to keep them out in the country.”
“How big are your balls? I’ll put my mares against your mares in a good old fashion stallion challenge.”
“How many mares you got?”
“Counting the one I’m here to get, six. I prefer quality to quantity. Besides, I don’t have to keep them when I’ve got Royal Privilege.”
“And if I beat you I get Royal Privilege?”
“Yep. Now all we need is a big enough place to gather all the mares and have room to fight.”
“I’ll send a messenger for you when it’s ready. Bring all of your mares and bring that cunt too. She might as well be yours for all the good she’s done me.”
And he teleported out.
I summed it up, “That pony is not sane.”
“That pony is not sane.”
Celestia looks at me, “What gives you that impression?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s something about abducting large numbers of mares and holding them against their will for breeding?”
“John, it hasn’t been that long ago that it was normal for ponies to act like that.”
“Celestia, it hasn’t been that long ago that humans and equines lived in the jungle and got eaten more often than not. Remember my ‘The noble herds just keep doing the same thing that grandpa did . . .’? This is it. This is how you trash a bloodline. It works in nature because ponies are being eaten as fast as foaled so the weak and stupid get removed. In a civilized setting it perpetuates and spreads the bad traits more than the good.”
Civil Hassler interrupts, “I’m convinced. There is no doubt at all that you two are banded.”
“Councilor, you need to come spend the night with us. I have concerns for your safety as long as your ‘client’ is loose. You can choose from Ambassador’s Row, Twilight’s Tower, my unused Guard apartment, or several private bedrooms. I will warn you, Alicorns don’t sleep much. Revile is zero four hundred hours.”
“Your Majesty, are you inviting me to come spend the night with the Royal Herd?”
“Within limitations, yes. You need to be in the Palace. The rest is optional and subject to the approval of other occupants of the named rooms. Luna will be up all night anyway and Night Court can be quite entertaining.”
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“Good. I like the idea of having you around when he sends for me. Are you up for the whole tour? We can walk back to the Palace. You’ll get a Royal view of Canterlot.”
“Is that safe, Your Majesty?”
“Haven’t you noticed how many of the crowd are single, athletic, and military age? Watch this.”
I salute a shadow on the roof across the street and the shadow returns salute.
“The Nightguard are all around us too. He got Swift right out from under our noses. There is no chance it will happen again.”
Celestia interjects, “I’m ‘porting home. Have a fun time with your ponies, John.”
I reply, “Go ahead. Now we can talk about you.”
It’s not that far but it’s slow. Ponies are coming out to say hello and bringing their foals. My new body isn’t making a bit of difference. Civil is amazed and amused. Finally we make the Palace gate and are bowed in.
“That was quite an experience, Your Majesty. It was not even a little bit like what I hear from my clients.”
I smile, “I know. That’s why I wanted you to see it for yourself. Have you decided where you want to sleep?”
“I hear Ambassador’s Row is nice.”
“I would appreciate it if you would join me for breakfast in the morning. My routine is breakfast in the Guard cafeteria at zero five hundred. I could pick you up at zero four forty five. You will have to instruct the staff how you like to be awakened.”
“Will it be as instructional as our walk?”
“More.”
“Then I will be pleased to accept your invitation.”
I escort her to my old favorite suite and send the staff to her on my way out, advising them that I would be back at zero four forty five. From there I head to Celestia’s private quarters.
“Hello, John. Not going to bring your new marefriend home with you?”
“Be nice, Celestia. I opened her eyes to some things she never suspected tonight. I’m going to do it again in the morning. Wanna bet she has some useful information about her soon to be ex client?”
“I never doubted that, I just expected you to pump her for it.”
“And you want me to bring her here so you can watch?”
“Have you considered that I might want to help? Who else could possibly know more about what makes a mare happy?”
I am standing next to her now so I shift to human and dig my fingers in to the soft spots on both sides of her withers.
“Wa. . . Wa. . . AH.”
I work my way up on her neck and back down a little until I find the spot. She begins to wave her head from side to side so I dig a little deeper. Celestia starts humming and swaying. After almost a minute her front legs fold followed shortly by her hind legs. I fold my legs and sit next to her leaning across her body. I work up her neck with a deep massage and she slowly stretches out and lays her head down. In a few minutes she is asleep. I scoot back a little and shift to Alicorn. Snuggling against her I extend my wing over her and rest my chin lightly in front of her withers. There is something primal in this. She is my mare and I am guarding her as she sleeps.
After a while she wakes and rubs her head against my neck and chest. I pull her tighter with my wing and rub her neck with my cheek.
“Thank you, John. It’s been so very long. . .”
“I know. Maybe next time we’ll make it to the bed.”
“You could have carried me.”
“I thought about it but it was the first time I’ve ever seen you relax and I didn’t want to chance losing that. And now you know my dark secret of bewildering and bewitching mares.”
“I must say that it’s an effective secret.”
“And I get the wing compulsion now.”
“Wing compulsion?”
“Every winged pony that I’ve met has had a compulsion to wrap their wings around me, particularly when we sleep. I had that compulsion to protect you while you slept.”
She swings her head around and kisses me deep and hard.
Pulling back, “If you’ll give me a little room, I can get my wing out.”
So I lean a little and she gets her wing across my back as we pull each other tight, kissing and nuzzling. She angles her head a little and our horns touch. I’m falling into a vast gulf of alone. So much loneliness that it crowds the world. But there is a spark. A tiny point of hope. I cherish the hope. Feed it. Nurture it. I bring it home with me and show it my friends, tell it there’s a better way. And it grows. That’s enough for now. I promise to visit many more times and we separate.
I can’t tell if Celestia is asleep or awake. She is relaxed and happy so I don’t disturb her. We sit there for some fluid time just being together then a Guardpony comes in.
“Zero four hundred, Your Majesties. There is tea in the kitchen.” and he bows.
I nod, “Thank you.” and consider how to separate myself from Celestia. I decide and slide straight forward lifting my wing over Celestia and sliding out from under her’s.
“Morning already, John?”
“Yes, tea is in the kitchen and I’m headed for the toilet.”
“My clock says I have a couple of hours but I’ll join you.”
This is interesting. The urge to belly slap has been lost somewhere in the transition. I guess being able to fully clean myself has eliminated the need. The world looks clearer and brighter too.
In the kitchen, “You should get me in on the secret of your special clock. I’ll need it some day.”
“It’s a very simple spell We just need to all be at the same place in the same spell and everything else will take care of itself.”
“I’ve got a bigger question for you, what are we going to do with twenty eight confused mares. They can’t be a significant number with herds to go home to or we’d be hearing the outcry across the land. Where can we put them all? Some could go to AJ’s farm and a bunch could join the Guard but there will be some leftovers. Offer them jobs as Castle staff?”
“John, they’ll be your mares and your responsibility. You’ll have to set them up with a lead mare or mares and incorporate them into your herd. You could have made it an honor challenge but doubt he’d go for that. You made it a stallion challenge, ‘my mares for your mares’ so this is how it works. We’ve got the resources no matter what you decide to do with them.”
“Dammit! I’m not Blueblood. I’m not going to spawn. I may select some for broodmare duties but I’m not randomly scattering seed and I’m damned sure not forcing anypony.”
“You can set them up in Blueblood’s compound or any of his many holdings. You’ll be the new stallion of his herd and all that was his will be yours. If he wins, he will move into the Castle and I will have to find a way to eliminate him and start all over looking for a fit stallion. But I’m not real worried about that. I don’t know that a five band unicorn has ever challenged much less bested a nine band Alicorn.”
“Nine band?”
“I think you gained one last night while you were being my protector. I certainly felt the strength when we joined horns.”
“We’re going to have to work more on this later. Right now I have a breakfast date.”
I go out the front door, down the hall, around the corner, and in the familiar suite door.
“Hello, Civil Hassler”
“Your Majesty, I’m almost ready.”
“The rules for breakfast are simple. I’m ‘John’. No station or rank.”
“That applies to everypony?”
“Yep and it’s not just address. We can compete and joke and most of all, be friends.”
“When does this end?”
“After PT or, if I don’t take it, whenever I get to what comes after breakfast.”
We start up the hall, talking as we walk.
I said, “That suite is special to Swift and me. We had our honeymoon there. I was about ten percent pony and completely clueless about magic. When I got things figured out and we decided it was safe to consummate, I forgot to close the balcony door and we entertained most of the Castle for two days. It got us a really nice fully soundproofed apartment in the Guard sector.”
Civil is looking incredulous, “Two days?”
“It’s a human thing. Humans aren’t prey animals so sex can go on and on.”
“Wait a minute. What do you mean ‘humans aren’t prey animals’?”
“That’s where humans and equines diverged. When they left the jungle, equines developed speed as a defense against predators, humans developed technology and fought back. Now humans are what predators fear and equines have allied themselves with humans.
As we walk through the door there is a little bump in the sound level but it passed quickly.
“They’re getting used to me showing up with guests.”
We line up at the order window I get a nine egg omelet and two bowls of oatmeal with fruit.
“I’m cutting back.”
She gets a fruit bowl. I hitch up the tray train and we go looking for a table. I spot Sweet getting up from a table with friends and moving to an empty table while waving at me. This should be fun.
“I see a friend inviting us over. You should meet her.”
We make our way to Sweet’s table and I park the trays.
“Sweet Butter, this is Civil Hassler. She’s an attorney. Civil, this is Sweet. She’s one of my newer friends.”
Sweet is eager, “They did it again, John. They said you wouldn’t talk to me any more now that you ascended.”
“I think we’ve beat that one already. You might tell them that ascension is a process and takes a long time. It just doesn’t show until near the end.”
Civil is curious, “I didn’t know that John. But now that you mention it, you’re bigger than you were yesterday.”
I had to laugh, “Where do you think all this food is going? But more than that, ascension isn’t a gift. It’s earned with strength and knowledge. Without a lot of both it simply can’t happen.”
Having two mares at the table meant that I didn’t have to do much talking. All in all, they seemed to hit it off quite well.
As we are leaving, I stop at the door and salute the room. They all bow then Civil and I resume our hall conversation.
“And just like that it’s ‘Your Majesty’ again?”
“That’s it. Having regular contact with normal ponies like Sweet is how I keep my sanity in a world going completely crazy around me. I don’t want to grow up to be a spectacular deity that demands absolute obedience. I’ve seen far to much of the pain that causes.”
“Your Majesty, I’m impressed with how kind you are with a strange filly. I wondered if you are just grooming her for spring but I doubt that now. Most stallions have little use for another stallion’s offspring until they reach breeding age.”
“If it’s any consolation, you aren’t entirely wrong. I have told her that if she works and studies hard, I will come for her some future spring.”
“That just impresses me even more, Your Majesty. If you keep this up I may really want to join your herd.”
“Good, I’m about to have a particular position open. I’m going to need somepony to run all of Blueblood’s holdings and organize twenty eight confused mares.”
“Are you serious? . . .Your Majesty.”
“There are a lot of things left to consider but you are the obvious front runner for the job. You already know a lot about his organization and I expect the transition to be sudden.”
“You know he has partners?”
“I know he is the face of a five herd coalition and I do not expect to be loved by the other herds. Do you think any of them would be willing to follow my lead?”
“You are very right about not being loved. Most of them refer to you as the alien monster that stole their money.”
“If you’d like to go to my office I can show you on their own paper how they were robbing Celestia of millions of bits.”
“I was one of the writers of that grant so I already know. I was told Celestia didn’t care. It was a noble perk.”
“You’ve heard Celestia’s opinion for yourself. And you can assume that mine is much the same except that I understand all the jargon and dodges. That’s part of my talent. And you can also assume that I will end any other schemes.”
“If you know Blueblood is just a figurehead then know they won’t cooperate.”
“Even if I can make them a hundred times more bits legally? Is their xenophobia really that bad?”
“After learning how little is exaggeration with you, I believe you but convincing them won’t be as easy.”
“Could you? I’d give a good manager an interest, maybe more if she asked.”
“How could this be possible? It’s not that I doubt you, I want to know what I’d be getting myself into.”
“I would need a great deal more trust to share the details. You have my absolute word that the reason I keep secrets is to protect Equestria first and my herd second.”
There was another of those small ripples in the world.
“Was that what I think it was? Your Majesty”
“Yes, I’m afraid I can cast great spells by accident still. I’m working on complete mastery of my magic. But it only happens with things that I feel strongly about and would hold to anyway.”
“It served its purpose. I’ll help you any way I can.”
“The one thing that I’m worried about today is why a mediocre Unicorn would even imagine that he could take me in a fight. He’s watched me wipe out four assassins in three seconds and smoke five Unicorn wizards in under a minute all as an Earth pony. How could anypony be insane enough to see me ascended on top of that and dream of taking me? Somepony isn’t stupid. They’ve stolen some well guarded things out of the Castle and taken Swift. The mine trap would have killed me if hadn’t been already more than half ascended. Something or somepony is missing from my understanding.”
“I’ve been wondering the same things. I know Blueblood gets orders but I don’t have the first clue where from or how.”
“So do you think they’ll sacrifice him or back him?”
“Before you showed up at the restaurant I would have been certain that they would use every dirty trick imaginable to kill you even if Blueblood got killed too. Some of them are hardcore Celestia worshipers. Seeing you with her and like her may change some minds or it may break them. I don’t know.”
“There is a way to get an idea. If they are going to sacrifice Blueblood, he won’t own near as much today as he did yesterday. You know some of his holdings. Check the ownership of some of the bigger ones. I can provide you with an escort if you think it appropriate.”
“What kind of escort, Your Majesty?”
“The range is a platoon of Guard in armor to an anonymous Earth pony. My suggestion would be to see Colonel Steel and get AJ plus whoever he favors.”
“Who is AJ?”
“Short for Applejack. Bandmare to Swift and Bearer of the Element of Honesty. Also a very strong farm mare. I need to see Steel anyway to bring him up on the challenge.”
We double back and catch Steel in his office.
I do the quick introduction, “Colonel Steel Will, Councilor Civil Hassler. We need to get Civil in touch with sources in town. I’ve got a stallion challenge coming up with Blueblood and I can’t make sense of why he would agree to it. The thought is to see if his holdings are being transferred out of his name. That would indicate that somepony intends to sacrifice him. I thought that AJ might make a good escort also. Ideas?”
Steel replies, “I’m with you. He can’t be stupid enough to believe he beat you in a straight up match so he’s up to something. And the only other option is that his coalition is planning to dump him because he’s nuts and you would end up with a bunch of mares and nothing else.”
I say, “Getting the mares out of his grasp is worth the fight. Getting Swift out is worth a bunch of fights.”
The ‘plan’ becomes Civil and AJ as common mares visiting a few public places and having private conversations. AJ will have her normal Guard ‘discrete cover’. Civil can teleport both out and will if anything looks a little strange. I’ve got to tell the rest of the mares that I’ve put them up for prizes.
“Hello my good Friend Luna.”
“Hello Stallion John. I hear thou hast stallion challenge with Prince Blueblood over Friend Swift.”
“Well, not exactly. After he bragged of holding twenty eight more mares with Swift I got kinda upset and bet the house.”
“Friend John, doth ‘bet the house’ mean that which it sounds like it means?”
“If you think it means I made it a whole herd challenge, yes.”
“Then this be a fight to the death.”
“I was expecting that anyway. And all of you will have to be there.”
“I wouldst not have it otherwise.”
“I think Celestia is a little upset at me. She told me that the twenty eight would be my problem and my responsibility when I asked for suggestions on where to put them.”
“Oh John. Celestia will be quite furious. You just put the Alicorn Princess of Equestria up for challenge like a common mare.”
“It was the only bait I could come up with that I could be sure would bring him and all of his captives out of hiding. My only worry is how he could imagine he could win.”
“Could he be satisfied with the fame of being the first Prince to challenge for a goddess?”
“He doesn’t strike me as the kind that goes for posthumous honors.”
“He could forfeit and retain the ‘honor’. Thou ‘dangerous alien’ threat might be brought out as an excuse.”
“I’d still get the mares and his property, wouldn’t I?”
“Such as could be found and proven his.”
“I explicitly stated in the challenge that the mares be present. That’s enough finding to be worth the trip.”
“Hast thou chosen thy seconds?”
“I am thinking Steel and Shining with most of the Guard standing by. How many Guard officers could I get away with bringing besides them?”
“I be unsure if the Guard can have cause.”
“Assume Nightguard Captain Dark Sword represents cause and a representative of the Guard would need to pursue a secondary offense if I fail.”
“That might be a Friend of Dark Sword, his seconds, and several observers.”
“Thank you Friend Luna. You never fail me. Now I have to arrange things with Twilight.”
“What could you possibly be thinking? Could you possibly be thinking? You put the Royal Herd up for challenge like a bunch of common mares!” Twilight is excited.
Shining had quickly left the room when I came in. Cadance is just sitting there smiling. She’s the one I’m worried about now.
“Actually, Twilight, he was more interested in Royal Privilege than any of you.”
Twilght’s horn is surrounded by a dark cloud with small lightning flashes. I throw up a ‘soft’ shield just as a bolt shoots directly at my head. After six more bolts Twilight begins to slow down a little.
“Twilight, Darling, will you please calm down a little.”
“Don’t you dare . . . . .”
And several more bolts follow.
“Twilight, It was the promise of Royal Privilege that got him to bring Swift and the rest of the mares out of hiding. I could only make that promise as part of a whole herd challenge.”
Twilight’s storm cloud is dissipating a little but I’m not ready to drop the shield yet.
“Did you have to treat all of the Princesses of Equestria like common mares?”
“Yes, Darling, I did. It’s how he thinks of all mares and I had to find a a way to tempt him on his terms. He would have just laughed and teleported out otherwise. I sorry if it hurt your feelings but I’m looking at saving Swift and twenty eight other mares from much worse.”
“Twenty eight?”
“Really a lot more than that. He’s planning to double that number by spring. I’m planning he isn’t here for spring.”
“Oh. Why didn’t you tell us you were going to do something like this?”
“Because I didn’t know until I was across a table from him and got to see the nature of his insanity for myself. Consider this your final lesson on living with stallions. He’s threatened Swift and killed a Guard member. He is going to die and everything else has to bend to that end. Help me or get out of my way.”
“Of course I’ll help you, John. I just want you to understand how I feel about being property.”
“Twilight, I’m betting my life to rescue a bunch of mares including one I love from being property. Have you thought of that?”
I drop the shield and Shining peeks in through the door, “Is it safe now?”
“I’m not sure. Cadance hasn’t spoken yet.”
Cadance calmly said, “I trust you, John. And I will wait until it is over to kill you if you screw up.”
“Uh, Cadance, if I screw up I’ll be dead already. Just kill Blueblood for me.”
Shining comes on in now.
“Shining, I want you for one of my seconds. Your best shot at him will be right after I weaken him so you need to be there just in case.”
Shining replies, “I never expected anything different. By the way, what was that shield you were using? Those bolts should have bounced all over this room.”
“I rewrote it to use inelastic collisions and absorb the energy of whatever hits it. You have to be damned sure to never use it against somepony stronger than you but it does have its uses.”
“I’ll get with you later on the details.”
“I also want to have a Guard contingent there to represent a second cause for Dark Sword’s death. I’m going to stack the deck every way I can think off.”
Shining smiles, “I like that idea. There’s no such thing as too much backup.”
“Twilight, can you please handle AJ’s transportation? I have no idea where we are going but it will be somewhere open country.”
“Of course I can.”
“Thank you, Twilight. Now I have to go back to Steel and get some more things arranged.”
It’s being a very busy day but a useful one. Steel loves the ‘second cause’ idea and has some officers in mind. All I have left to do is update Celestia and wait.
We towelled off then I got dressed in my faded cammies while Swift put on a fresh uniform. Yep, they were waiting for us as promised. This trip was much shorter, down a hall, around one corner and to the really big doors with dark blue Guards beside them. They opened the doors and we walked in. Luna was seated on a large midnight blue throne holding about a ream of paper in front of a worried looking Unicorn.
She looked up and smiled at us then shoved the paper to the Unicorn who immediately beat a hasty retreat out the door. Stepping down from the throne she said, “Come with me. We will find a comfortable place for talk.”
We went through a small door behind the throne and out into a garden under the full moon. Luna gestured to a ring of benches and we all chose one.
Luna started off with, “We art here to assure that thou art prepared for the morning’s official Court. John, Celestia wishes that thy write thine own oath. She wilt judge thou on the quality of it. Swift Trail will wear her uniform. Does thou have formal attire, John Sampson?”
“What you see right here is as close as I can get. I had packed for a trip through the woods, going on three years ago.”
“Can I borrow these clothes? I can have them duplicated by morning.”
“Sure. What else?”
“That should be enough. Thou will have enough to get thy oath ready by morning.”
Then I felt a faint tingling like electricity on my body and realized that my clothes were leaving me.
“Wait a minute!”
“Yes, John Sampson?”
“I thought somepony would come for the clothes after I had changed.”
“Why waste the time? It has't been reported to me that thou walks naked like ponies sometimes. Is this inaccurate?”
“But in the Royal Palace?”
“How much am I wearing, John Sampson?”
“Point made. Go ahead.”
So I walked back through the Throne Room, around the waiting dignitaries, down the halls and created the myth that humans are naturally bright red in color.
Back in the suite I made my second mistake of the night. I got out a notebook and ballpoint pen and started working on my oath. Swift came over to look at my work and gasped, “John Sampson, you have been holding out on me! I’m forced to write endless reports with quill and inkwell while you have this wonderful instrument just laying in your bag.”
“Swift, it’s not that simple. A ballpoint pen won’t work on the rough brown paper you use. It needs glazed paper like this notebook and I don’t have much of it left.”
She went away mad. After about thirty minutes I had what I wanted and was ready for bed.
“Swift, what do you think about this?”
Nothing.
“Swift?”
Nothing. So I went looking.
She was in the bed, curled up, sound asleep. I just stood there in the door for a minute thinking just how much this was worth the effort. I turned the lights in living room down to about half then turned the bedroom lights off. Enough light made it through the open door to navigate by. I settled down behind Swift in the big spoon. When she felt me there she snuggled back against me and rubbed her cheek on my chest without waking. Yes, this was worth all the effort and much more.
I woke as Swift began to stir. We both stretched and rose to go see what the day would bring. We had a fully stocked kitchen but I settled for oatmeal and fruit, twice. Swift sneaked out with the first one.
There were some neatly folded clothes in various colors on the table in the living room. I chose the Navy blue pants with pearl shirt. I reviewed my oath and I was ready.
“Swift, are you ready?”
“I’ve been ready, John. But we have to wait to be summoned.”
“Okay. Have I told you how wonderful it is to have you around keeping me out of trouble?”
“Not today. Have I told you how wonderful it is feel love and friendship again after so long without?”
At that moment there was a knock on the door. Swift opened it to find four Guardsponies waiting. “Sergeant, we’re here to escort you to the Throne Room.”
Down the hall and up to the big doors we went, two in front and two behind. The scene, when the doors were opened, couldn’t have been more different. The Throne room was packed. It was standing room only from wall to wall. Ponies of every size and color were standing, quietly waiting. We walked up a clear lane in the center of the room and stood before three empty thrones.
Three Alicorns approached from my right. When they reached the thrones Luna seated herself on the leftmost, Twilight on the right and the big off white Alicorn (Celestia!) in the middle. Swift kicked me so I closed my mouth and bowed deeply.
The voice from heaven spoke, “We are told that you wish to become a citizen of Equestria, John Sampson. We will hear your oath.”
Deep breath. “I, John Sampson, do swear by all that is good and holy that I give my full and unconditional allegiance to the ponies of Equestria, that I will serve them as best as I am able, and that I absolutely and entirely renounce all allegiance and fidelity to any other state or people.”
“That is a mighty Oath, John Sampson. Do you take this Oath freely and without reservation?”
“I do, Your Majesty.”
“Very well. We accept your Oath.”
A ripple seemed to pass through the room. Behind it everything was just a little clearer and brighter.
“Thank you, Your Majesties.”
“Now, John Sampson, what are we going to do with you? Do you have any suggestions?”
“Your Majesty, I think that there must be some long and very private discussions before that decision can be made.”
“I believe that is wise, John Sampson. But you need a place to live and food to eat while these matters are weighed. Princess Twilight has been supporting you as a ward but that has ended when your full citizenship began. I am told that you have some military experience. Would you consider a commission in the Royal Guard?”
“Your Majesty, I was a Chief Officer in the Fire Service. The Fire Service stands between the Armed Services and civilian authority in nature. I had a limited authority over members of the Armed Forces but wasn’t fully part of them.”
“What rank did this ‘limited authority’ translate to?”
“When I was working with military personnel, I was considered a Major.”
“John Sampson, would you accept a commission to the rank of Major with My Royal Guard including all of the privileges and duties thereto?”
“Only with the proviso that I am a Specialist and not normally in the primary Chain of Command.”
“Again you impress me with your wisdom. It is done, Major John Sampson.”
“Sergeant Swift Trail, Major John needs an aide and guide. You have served exemplarily as his guide up until now but he no longer needs a squad to watch him. You are hereby detached from your current assignment reassigned as Major John’s aide. Concurrent with your new assignment you are promoted to the rank of Captain. Stand forward Captain Swift Trail.”
Something floated up from beside the throne and toward us. Swift’s chevrons floated off of her and over in front of me. I reached out and took them as Captain’s bars floated into place on her.
“You are dismissed, my ponies. You will be contacted in your current quarters as details are worked out. Thank you for your service.”
The three Alicorns stood with Celestia and Luna walking back the way they had come and Twilight moving to meet us.
“Congratulations, Major. What do you think of Equestria now?” Twilight smiled.
“I spend my days drifting from amazement to confusion and back again. I had not realized that you were actually supporting me. I want to thank you for that.”
Swift spoke up, “Princess, he met Pinkie on the way here and emerged unscathed.”
Twilight’s eyes widened, “Really? John, did she tell you how rare that is?”
“I still owe her a party. We have to notify her when we are returning to Ponyville so she can organize it.”
Twilight laughed at that, “John, Pinkie is exempt from normal laws and rules. She will meet you at the station no matter when you arrive or if you notify her. But if you made a promise, even implied, keep it or suffer the consequences.
“Are you ready to answer my questions now?”
“I was thinking of you earlier when I said ‘long private discussions’. But I believe a lot of ponies are curious about Equestria’s newest citizen and I have an entire life and career to organize. At the least I should find the Guard headquarters and say hello. So can the questions wait a day or so?”
“Of course, Major. I can summon you any time I want.” But Twilight was ginning from ear to ear as she spoke it. “Now go mingle.”
As soon as Twilight stepped back about half of Equestria surged forward. Most of them just wanted to be seen with the hottest new thing in Canterlot but a few were interesting. Swift did a yoepony’s job as a buffer. Eventually my stomach reminded me that lunch time had come and gone. So I asked Swift, “where can we get some food besides the kitchen in our room?”
“Do you feel up to visiting the Guard Barracks? Since we are assigned to Princess Celestia’s Guard directly, the castle is our station. We need to report in and get ID and such worked out. And there is a cafeteria.”
“Lead on.”
It wasn’t simple or direct but we made our way out the main door and found our escort waiting for us. They snapped to attention and Swift ordered them to take us to the CO’s office. We turned the other way when we got to the hall our room was on. And we marched farther and farther back into the castle. The architecture changed, becoming more utilitarian and I began to see Guardsponies moving around. Finally we stopped in front of an office door. There was lettering next to it but that didn’t help me. Swift dismissed our escort and knocked on the door.
From within, “Come.”
Swift walked in first, “Captain Swift Trail and Major John Sampson reporting, Colonel.” snapping off a salute. I took the hint and did the same.
A tough looking Unicorn returned salute and looked us over. “So you’re Celestia’s new toys.”
Swift opened her mouth to say something but I beat her to it, “I want to be completely honest with you Colonel.”
“Go ahead.”
“’Major’ was a Brevet rank. I tried not to claim it but it’s hard to say ‘no’ to Celestia. My real rank, that I did claim, was Chief Officer. I made it from raw recruit to the highest rank attainable through achievement and accomplishment. But that’s the Fire Service, not an Armed Service. I fought forces of nature, not armed enemies. The Brevet rank was so I could deploy and command Army units for manpower or special skills in major disasters. I’m nearly clueless on Equestrian Armed Forces but I am NOT a summer soldier.”
“That’s an interesting story, Major. I’m curious why anypony would want to fight with natural forces?”
“On Terra there is no magic, nothing but brains and brawn. Somepony has protect the civilians from fire, storms, earthquakes, etc.”
The Colonel nodded. “Do you have any way to verify any of this?”
“Other than demonstrating some esoteric knowledge, no sir. I just took my Oath of Citizenship this morning. All of my history is in my pocket or on another world.”
“Wait a minute. Major, that was you this morning?” Something had just changed.
Swift spoke up, “I was there, sir. It was him.”
“That was one potent Oath. I think all of Equestria felt it. How do you see yourself fitting into this Service?”
“Colonel, I doubt I’ll ever anything but a Specialist. I have knowledge that Celestia needs so it is good to keep me well fed and protected. I am quite proficient with some weapons but none of them are available in Equestria. On the other hoof, I have never held a sword in my life. It might be a plan to send me through basic so I can learn some Equestrian ways.”
“Major, now I’m curious what kind of weapons you can be proficient with that would replace a sword.”
This Unicorn is no dummy. “Colonel, Captain Swift Trail is one of the very few Equestrians to have seen one of my weapons in use. Ask her about our first meeting.”
“Go ahead, Captain.”
“My squad was sent to the Everfree on a monster patrol. We tracked him to a clearing deep in the forest. He saw us as soon as we set a perimeter. From a position of concealment nearly a hundred yards across the clearing he ordered me to approach unarmed. I stepped out of the woods with sword still buckled. There was a very loud noise and a rock two yards from me exploded into fragments. I slowly placed my weapons on the ground while signalling one of the Pegasi to report our situation to Command. I believed that I was facing an extremely powerful Unicorn.”
“Have you seen this weapon since, Captain?”
“I don’t know sir. I didn’t see it then but I have since seen many strange metal shapes and materials that I don’t recognize in his possession. It is likely that one of them did that but I don’t know which one.”
“Major, would you demonstrate this weapon for me?”
“When Celestia gives me permission, yes sir.”
“Good answer, Major. We may get along yet.”
The Colonel took a form out of his desk, checked some boxes, signed it and handed it to Swift.
“The Company Clerk will set you up. Take good care of the Major. Dismissed.”
A quick salute and we were out of there. And none too soon. My stomach was beginning to make some noise. The clerk’s office was next door. We left the paper there and received a promise to have everything ready by time we had finished eating.
The feathers seem especially sweet this morning but that little voice is still there and can’t be denied, “Zero four hundred, John.”
Slide off the pad, stagger to the toilet, bounce to the kitchen, find tea, begin awareness.
“Good morning, Spike. Are you ready to witness mortal combat political style?”
“You and Twilight are going to be there so I must but it seems kinda strange to me.”
“The Blueblood coalition was getting right wealthy off Celestia’s bits. They think that being born noble entitles them to put a hand in the Royal Treasury. Then I came along and cut them off. As long as I’m here they’ll have to work for a living. The only way they can understand this is that I want the money, 'their money', for myself so they are defending themselves by destroying me. Make sense now?”
“No, but I can see the logic in it.”
“Spike, when their attack on me fails, they will attack my band next. That includes you Spike. If you are asked questions, always tell the absolute truth. Do not worry about how it makes me or Twilight look. We will take care of untwisting their lies and half truths.”
“I trust you, John. You have always treated me like a pony.”
Swift had walked in in the middle of that, “Do you think it will really get that bad?”
“I know it will because I’m not going to let them back out of anything. When they realize just what they’ve got themselves into, they will get desperate.”
Twilight joined the tea circle and we plotted our course for the day. We’ll have our normal informal breakfast then back here to change and on to the Throne Room.
The cafeteria was packed. I mean standing room only packed and about half of them had on full dress. There was one large table with empty seats and Steel was there. I told Swift to get me eggs and oatmeal while I talked to Steel.
“Steel, what the flying fuck are you up to here?”
Steel calmly replied, “I’ve been ordered to report for morning Court to possibly testify. You’re on your own with everypony else. I suspect some of them are friends of my clerk. She got excited after reading the orders for me to report. Others may be friends of Swift. I do know that none of them are on duty.”
“Dammit, Prince John wishes the Guard would keep their collective noses out of Royal affairs. John Sampson is tickled shitless and hopes certain noble houses take the hint.”
We ate and headed back to dress. I considered for a bit then put on my small sword.
In the Throne Room there were nine chairs in a row, in colors and with marks. The entire Royal Herd was represented in the same order as on my big sword. Shining, AJ, Swift, and Spike were set back and flanking their relative. But first there was a meeting in the conference room behind Celestia’s office.
Celestia was presiding, “Are there any questions?”
Cadance had one, “Why are we going to such extremes for a minor contract dispute?”
I took that one, “These are the ponies that were robbing Celestia blind until I uncovered their tricks. I cost them millions of bits. The very same ponies hired the assassins at the Spring Fling. They may turn this into a stallion challenge or just try to discredit me enough to get their graft back. My vote is for punishing them enough to keep them quiet for a couple of generations.”
Celestia added, “They are degenerated Noble Herds that believe an accident of birth entitles them to a free ride on the Royal Treasury. I’ve been trying to get them off my back for years.”
Cadance expanded, “So the contractor is a pawn. We’re after his boss?”
“Bingo.” “Or his boss’s boss.”
We kicked ideas around until it was time then we all took our seats and the doors opened. Ponies came in . . and in . . and in. The room was packed. About a quarter of the crowd to the right is ranks of Guard. And you can spot the Blueblood followers, they’re the ones looking at the Guard and moving left. It takes forty five minutes to get as many ponies packed in as possible and what I can see of the hall is just as packed.
There’s no sign of our contractor so we hear some other ponies that were originally scheduled before the complaint was filed. It’s routine and boring until my real estate case from yesterday shows up and they specifically want me to hear them.
“Your Majesty, when we left your Court yesterday, we were mad. You had treated us like children and ordered the destruction of valuable property. We were so mad at you, we forgot to be mad at each other for a little while. We ate dinner together and talked. And we realized how smart that idea of making rental camp out of it was. Not only that, we figured out why you treated us like you did. So now we want to drop our case and use that rental idea.”
I looked over, “Does the Recorder have the number and details of their case from yesterday?” I got a nod.
“The Order is amended to reflect that nothing will be changed on or about the property. A professional agent will be employed to manage the property, maintain it, and collect rents. Every quarter the agent will divide the net profits among the two owners and the agent. Are there any questions or changes?”
They looked at each other then back to me and nodded.
“Let the record reflect that both parties indicated assent. Let it be recorded and done.
“And thank you two. I predicted this outcome to Princess Luna last night and you made me look good.”
That shocked them but the house loved it.
We still didn’t have our contractor and we were out of other cases. Celestia looked ready to bail when a Guardpony rushed in and up to her. She listened for a minute then sent him down the row to me. A body has been found that fits the description of our contractor. Could I come and confirm the identity? I glanced at Celestia and she nodded. I told Swift what was going on and to pass the info up the line quietly.
The Guardpony led me out the main gate and several hundred yards down the road. In a small side ally behind some boxes was our contractor minus most of his blood. He was found because it was running down the alley from a gaping throat wound. My guess would be a guaranteed no noise kind of killing.
I told the Guard officer in charge that it was him and how important this investigation was to me and Celestia. Then I sprinted back to the Throne Room.
I nodded to Celestia as I walked in the door.
Celestia stood and, “This Court is ended.” And she was out the back door with all of us hot behind her.
I was in the familiar conference room reporting, “It is definitely him and definitely no accident. His throat and both arteries were severed with one clean slice. Nothing is missing and he’s just a few hundred yards from the main gate. My money is on somepony not liking what they see when they get here and deciding to cut their losses.”
There were lots of agreements with that.
Then I had a thought, “AJ, where’s the paperwork on that apple shipment? It takes a substantial facility to process that many apples and substantial money to run it. There has to be a name on all of that. And we may find more info about their ‘emergency’.”
AJ has the papers and the final delivery is by rail to Baltimare. Why are bells going off in my head? Oh,yeah!
“Mares and Stallions your attention please! I know that address. We can get copies of my analysis of the first grant request that I did to start this off but it’s going to show that address as one of the empty buildings that couldn’t be used by the crew building the new railroad. It’s a big shell next to the existing rail line and it’s listed as a ‘warehouse with light utilities’. Even if they move in the equipment, you can’t support a commercial kitchen on ‘light utilities’. It’s locally owned but Blueblood’s herd holds the lease.”
AJ is looking disturbed, “You mean they are just dumping my apples on the floor in an empty building?”
“Probably, yes. Have they paid for them yet?”
Now she’s really mad, “It hasn’t cleared the bank yet.”
Celestia spoke, “John, you have the authority. Go to the bank and trace the money. AJ has earned it and we need to know who is paying it.”
Our little war council broke up then but I had more on my mind.
“Shining, we need to talk privately. I have some interesting ideas for you.”
We detoured into an empty room on Ambassador’s Row. I closed my eyes and shifted into man-x.
When I opened my eyes, “I have four bodies now. Two human and two equine. This is the second human. I’m making small changes in it to make it battle ready. That’s the fun part. I can edit now. How do you like the eyes?”
“John, there are days you are just plain scary. Do they work as well as you hoped?
“Better. I need to practice with them because the depth perception is different. But what I’m after today is for my pony body. My original equine self is really Fred light. It’s all horse, not pony. I want to edit it enough to make a usable pony. As a horse I have full access to my magic and can do all the normal pony things, except talk. I need to talk. I tried using my human vocal cords and they worked but I still couldn’t talk. The sound came out my nose unmodulated by my mouth. I need a pony face. I need all the throat and tongue parts that make speech sounds. Ideally, I need a pony head to copy parts off of until I can get a voice.
“How do I fit into this?”
“I need a Unicorn to get anything into my head. And I want a stallion model so I don’t sound silly. That leaves you or Steel as the only two I would trust in my head right now. You’ve already been there so the risks are known to you. What it comes down to is can I please use your head as a model and would you put the pattern where I can get to it? I thought of just copying a pony body like I did Fred’d but I don’t want walk around as a counterfeit anypony. I want to build a unique me and I need help to do it.”
“This is a new idea to me. I don’t mind helping you and I trust you but I’m not sure I can do it.
“Well think on this, I don’t mind showing you anything I’m doing. If you learn how, it’s possible we could trade parts. You could take my horse body for a spin. I have no idea if you can use magic the way I do but I’m real sure it’s worth a try. We need to do it near here so help can be summoned if needed. We need some privacy and time. And I need to get this damned Blueblood problem from hanging over us.”
“We’re going to be here for a few days and staying with Twilight so we’ll have opportunities. And congratulations on the promotion. I hope it gets you what you want.”
“Thanks. It ‘disturbed’ Twilight but I think we’re back on course. You need to see my new sword. I may even wear it to talk to the bankers. It has a way of enforcing attention. Let’s go to the tower so I can show you.”
When we walked in the door, I unbuckled my small sword and put it on the rack. Then I put on the big one and modelled it for Shining.
“This is my Baby. I just like the way it feels.”
“Can you actually draw that?”
“Of course. In fact, one of the main reasons I want the eyes is so I can without endangering friends.”
I stepped off and dialed up my strength a little. A few passes later, “What do you think.?”
“I think you are damned scary with that monster. Ten of you could clear a battlefield.”
“That is inherent in my little plot. You could be holy terror number two.”
“What are my silly stallions doing playing with weapons in the home?” Cadance had noticed that we were in.
“I’m just showing Shining my new favorite toy.”
And we went up to the library to greet the band. There is a basic law of pony behavior, the time required to greet and welcome increases as the square of the number of ponies involved. It is one of the sweeter parts of being a pony.
We planned and considered and decided. Lunch at Smoky’s for everypony then Swift, Shining, and I would go to the bank. If we weren’t out of the bank in twenty minutes, Cadance, Twilight, AJ, and Spike would follow and we would create a Royal Scene in the bank.
We just got a whole pot of stew and bowls then went nuts on it sitting right in front of the window. A crowd gathered outside to watch the Royal Herd eating at Smoky’s.
Smoky came by to say hello, “Your Majesty. You can’t known how good it makes me feel to say that, Prince John. Finally, we have Royal Earth ponies. There are so many of us that look at you and feel like we are finally full blooded ponies. And then you come here just like the rest of us. I want to thank you for just being you.
“Smoky, I don’t know how to be anypony but me. You’d laugh yourself silly if you knew how often I screw up being a high level pony.”
“You save them stories for somepony that believes them, Your Majesty. I see the evidence all around you. I knew you were special the first day you came in here.”
Twilight is looking at me like I just grew three horns but we don’t have time right now. Swift and Spike confer and confirm the location of the bank. I have the invoice and draft info in my pocket. Shining, Swift, and I set off.
“Shining, if we get stuck long enough to need the mares, let me greet them first. I want to bitchslap the bankers with the whole alien Herd Stallion scenario. Don’t be surprised if I go for some arousing displays of affection. I want to bait them as much as we can. You and Swift look around and watch for emotional reactions. That was the first tip off with Blueblood.”
Swift entered the bank first and the greeter started her way with a smile. Then I stepped in and the smile froze as the greeter turned to a colleague. Shining walked in behind me and the greeter made a beeline for him.
“Prince Shining Armor, I’m so glad to see you. What brings you here today.”
Shining looked at her completely deadpan, “I’m just having lunch with His Majesty today and came along for the walk.”
The greeter was bubbly now, “Oh? We have more Royalty coming?”
Shining was enjoying himself, “Yes, but He’s already here. He’s the tall stallion standing right over there.”
A very disturbed greeter came over to me, “Could you please identify yourself, sir?”
Swift grabbed this one, “You are addressing His Highness John Sampson, Herd Stallion and Co-ruler to Princess Celestia.”
The greeter swallowed her shit sandwich and, “Forgive me Your Majesty. We were not notified.”
My turn, “You recognized Prince Shining Armor. Verify his identity.”
The greeter was back to bubbly, “There’s no need for that. We all know the Prince.”
I leaned over her a bit, “That was not a suggestion.”
So they brought out a big binder and flipped through the pages until they found Shining’s Cutie mark and it matched.
I spoke again, “Prince Shining, please state my full name and rank.”
Shining was grinning, “His Majesty Major John Sampson Royal Herd Stallion.”
I pulled my pants down enough to expose my cutie mark and looked directly at the greeter, “Record it.”
The greeter motioned and a clerk came rushing over with a pad and colored pencils. I stood there while she sketched.
I pulled a note out of my pocket and handed to the greeter, “Get me all available information on this account including a history from the last year.”
The greeter rushed to a back office and disappeared for a while. By the time she was back the sketch was done and I was officially identified with the bank.
“I’m sorry, sir, but there is no such account.”
That annoyed me. I took another note out of my pocket and handed it to the greeter, “Very well. I need the same information on this account.”
And I got the same result. So, “I need to see the president of this bank immediately.”
“I’m sorry, sir. Prince Blueblood is out of town.”
“Bring me the vice president.”
“Stuffed Shirt is out of town too.”
“Send a notification to the Castle when they return. Shining, Swift, let’s quit wasting time.”
I wanted to be out before the mares arrived. The second account I had inquired about was AJ’s farm account.
We met the mares about three blocks up. Doubling back, we located a small bakery and pushed two tables together outside.
“Twilight, I want you to take AJ to Ponyville near the bank branch. Don’t let them see you from the bank and don’t go in. AJ, I want you to withdraw a hundred bits from my Guard account and deposit it in your farm account. Be sure it’s the same account the payment for the apples is going into. Fill everything out just right and get receipts. Then bring it all back here. If anypony says there is no such account or gives any reason for the transaction to fail, do not argue. Just smile and return here. Got it?”
They both nodded and stepped out to the center of the patio and disappeared.
Cadance and Shining both turned on me. I explained, “They denied there was any such account as the one they paid for the apples with so I tried the other direction. The second account I asked about was the farm account AJ deposited their payment into. They said there was no such account as that either. If they lied to a direct question from a Royal on official business, we can raid the bank and seize all of their records. If they killed the accounts, including the account of a Royal Herd Member, they embezzled from a Royal and we can raid the bank and seize their records. I don’t want to tip them off if we can avoid it. I want a Company of Guard to descend on them like vengeance personified and keep the records from being damaged.
Spike had been taking all of this in, “Cool. I want to watch.”
In a few minutes Twilight and AJ reappeared. AJ walked somberly up to me and gave me one hundred bits.
“They said there was no such account as my farm account by number or by name.”
“How much was in it, AJ?”
“Counting the deposit for the apples, about three hundred and twenty thousand bits.”
“Twilight, take AJ and Spike. Cadance, take me, Shining, and Swift. Let’s all meet in Celestia’s conference room. And we were there.
I opened the door to very surprised Guardpony, “Get Celestia, Luna, Colonel Steel, and the Royal Treasurer here in three minutes.”
Celestia popped in while I was speaking, “What’s going on, John?”
“Blueblood’s bank just embezzled three hundred thousand bits from a Royal Herd Member as part of lying to a Royal Investigator to conceal evidence in a murder investigation. I think that entitles us to seize and examine his bank records.”
Luna popped in as I was taking a breath so I had to say it again.
Steel was there in a few minutes and the Treasurer right on his heals. I told the whole story in gruesome detail this time.
Celestia asked Shining, “Anything to add?”
Shining replied, “John told me to watch for emotional reactions while he gave them cause. Everypony in that bank wants to kill him. Some of them reached in drawers when his back was turned. He said he wanted to go back in with a Company and I agree with him.”
Celestia looked at Swift, “How about you?”
Swift replied, “What he said, exactly.”
Steel’s turn, “When three experienced officers agree, I damned well better believe them. We’ll need some major magic help too. Expect trap spells everywhere.”
Celestia turned to the poor Treasurer, “Don’t worry about the military parts. The building will be safe before you get near it. Can you run the country if they destroy all records? How hard will it be to change to another depository?”
“We have duplicate records and so do they. There are enough other banks to cover operating expenses with no more than few days delay. A full orderly changeover will take months.”
Celestia asked, “Pros and cons?”
I said, “If we can get their records and analyze them or turn a bookkeeper, we can get their entire organization and end corruption for a generation.”
Luna said, “If they be not dragging our resources down, our ponies be much happier but can we prevent the destruction of all they hold hostage?”
Cadance said, “The Crystal Empire is insulated from any damage they do. We can help with any recovery.”
Twilight said, “We can keep ponies safe from their traps but keeping records whole will be much tougher. They will be shielded and self destructing.”
Swift said, “They think they can rob and kill with impunity. I need to do something about that.”
AJ said, “I want my money and their hide.”
Celestia reassured AJ, “I will cover all of your losses and then some in return for letting us use your account to prosecute them.”
I had one last question, “When?”