Chapters Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria - By NocturneD
It was another day in the town of Highland as the sun gently rose over the horizon. A yellow school bus pulled right up to the curb of the Highland museum of unnatural history, the bus doors slid open and out came a rather strange man who seemed to be stuck in a 60's time warp. Long blonde hair, glasses, small beard, purple shirt with a peace sign on it, okay he's a hippie do I have to keep describing him and what he's going to do?
The hippie's name is David Van Driessan, he's a teacher of Highland high school. He turned and called, "Alright students please file in a single line." One by one the students walked off the bus and onto the walkway towards the museum.
"Hey Beavis, uh heh huh huh." A brunette teen male with a grey shirt with the ACDC logo on it and red shorts stepped off the bus and waited for his companion.
"What? Heh heh heh." The blonde male around the same age wearing a blue t-shirt with the Metallica logo and grey shorts.
"Heh huh huh... you had morning wood while you were sleeping on the bus." The brunette laughed.
"Oh yeah... heh heh heh heh heh." Beavis laughed as usual, then looked down, then back up at the museum. "So um... Why are we here again Butt-head? Heh heh heh."
"Because dumbass!" Butt-head explained, "It's a field trip uh huh huh."
"Oh yeah..." Beavis frowned, "It's not to the nursing home again is it?"
"No... uh huh huh..." Butt-head chuckled, "We got kicked out because you ate all those caffeine pills and ran around scaring old people uh huh huh huh heh huh."
Within a few short minutes Beavis and Butt-head joined their class on the tour around the museum. They observed many strange forms of art from Indian masks to obscure sculptures, their tour guide explained their origin and price as they would be sought after by rich collectors. Some sculptures were stranger than the last. The tour guide stopped the class in front a wide open doorway leading to a circular room, "Here class of Highland is one of our most rare pieces... The Alicorn." The tour guide lead the class into the room, slowly the students were looking at from all angles. The alicorn statute was merely fifteen foot standing a stone pedestal itself standing in a triumph stance with its wings spread out and horn gleaming in the sunlight.
"It's so pretty." A female student said.
"Marvelous." Another female student added.
"I always loved horses." A third female replied.
"Uh huh huh huh... that horse got a stiffy on it's head." Butt-head chuckled.
Beavis raised his arms and bit and widened his eyes, "Booooooooooiiiiiinnnnnnggggg g."
The tour guide continued the explanation, "There is mystery behind this statue students. There was no record of an artist ever making this because simply it was found one day during an excavation when the city wanted to build a new office building downtown. It was such a marvelous piece to go to waste despite it having a lot of stains and decay as it was estimated maybe over five hundred or so years old. They also found a text by the the pedestal." The tour guide walked over to the pedestal, "Written in a strange language we had many scholars look at it but couldn't translate the whole thing, only thing they could make out is... Don't anger the alicorn."
Mr. Van Driessan got shivers just looking at the thing, "Though it's a wonderful piece, it sort of sends chills down your spine doesn't it?"
The tour guide turned to Van Driessan, "Oh yes... there are stories behind this statue as one said that once whoever found this fell ill after a couple of days after finding it. Another... the curator here died of heart failure after acquiring this statue. Could say... it's cursed."
"Cool eh heh heh eh heh." Beavis shouted then chuckled again.
"Hey Beavis." Butt-head chuckled, "Go up there and touch it's schlong."
Beavis frowned, "NO WAY!" He chuckled, "You do it."
"Don't be a wuss Beavis." Butt-head assured his friend.
"Uh... okay." Beavis then chuckled again, he climbed over the safety rope then started to climb up the stone statue slowly. "Why is it's thing on it's head?"
"Because dumb ass..." Butt-head chuckled, "It probably wants to impress allll..iicorn chicks and probably doesn't want to lift its leg uh huh huh huh."
"Oh yeah..." Beavis chuckled then nodded. He already was on the alicorn's back. "Just a bit further... heh heh heh." Beavis stepped on one of the wings to get a better balance. Finally he threw out his arm and an open palm around the alicorn's horn. Suddenly his foot slipped now he was hanging by the horn; face to face with the alicorn statue.
"Uh huh huh you're touching it." Butt-head looked up at the blonde and laughed.
"SHUT UP!" Beavis was trying to pull himself up but his legs wiggled wildly, "HELP ME ASSWIPE!"
"Uh... okay." Butt-head replied not taking his friend in distress seriously. The teen scratched his head then looked at the situation. Wasn't that far down, Butt-head looked at Beavis then at a nearby painting, then back to Beavis. A light bulb dimly lit up above his head then burned out. Butt-head walked over to the painting and ripped off from the wall the flung at Beavis which caused the blonde to grip harder and shout in pain.
"OW!" Beavis shouted, "BUTTMUNCH!"
Suddenly... Beavis heard a loud crack. He looked at the horn that started to wedge and the finally snapped loose. Butt-head watched his friend fall, smacked down hard on the marble floor with the horn still in his hand.
"Huh huh you broke it's thing off." Butt-head laughed.
"OW... eh heh heh." Beavis rubbed his spine and slowly got up with the horn still in his hand.
"Dude... huh huh huh..." Butt-head looked at the horn, "You're holding it."
Beavis used the horn to scratch his butt, "Makes a nice butt scratcher though... heh heh heh."
"Did you fart?" Butt-head asked his friend what the sound was.
The growl grew louder... The horn in the blonde's hand glowed with a weird aura, the two took noticed and were in awe.
"Hey Beavis." Butt-head looked at Beavis, "You should try shoving that thing up the horse's butt."
"Heh heh heh. YEAH!" Beavis shouted as he ran to the back of the statue to look at the alicorn's flank end, he frowned, "Where's the bunghole on this thing?"
Butt-head followed, "Uh. You mean there isn't one?"
The two looked at the statue dumbfounded, well of course they're dumb to begin with if you haven't figured that out.
"Huh huh huh. You should just make one." Butt-head added.
The horn on the other hand had other plans, the aura glowed in a mystical blue color that soon engulfed the two teens then suddenly vanished...
What would seem like hours would have gone by... The two teens were laying out in the middle of a field of some sort...
"Ugh..." Beavis rubbed his forehead, "Did we like party or something?"
Butt-head was face down on the ground, he stirred and opened his eyes, "Uh... huh I guess so." He lifted himself up and took one look around to find the place they were in was not the museum they were in earlier. "UH... wait a minute..."
Beavis stood up as well and noticed the place was a lot more... colorful... He frowned, "Did we get kidnapped again?"
"Uh... hmmm..." Butt-head tried to piece this together but since he wasn't very smart at all he couldn't add it up.
The two again gave a good look around still remaining in the same position to find it was an enchanting place they were in and not like where they were from. Singing birds. The sun shining brightly. No smog. No vandalism. No maxi-mart. Grass was a fresh green. If they couldn't be anymore confused they could've sworn they heard talking from nearby. Butt-head waved his friend to follow him, the two of course continued to laugh.
Butt-head stopped at a bush to overlook a nearby town. Beavis stood next to him and also watched. For some reason they were watching what appeared to be miniature multi-colored horses dancing around, singing, and enjoying their time. They lived in a nice and harmonious society, one would dream to have a nice place like this back in our own world. The horses talked to each other and did various things, laughed, played, shopped. The two looked at each other in disgust.
"Hey Beavis..." Butt-head turned to his friend.
"What?" Beavis chuckled, "Eh heh heh heh."
"This sucks..." Butt-head laughed, "Uh huh huh huh."
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria - By NocturneD
The two menacing looking teens took notice to their surrounding. A rather small town and instead of people as its population it was horses. Or you could say; ponies. Three different types the teens saw one with a horn, another with wings and the last had neither. Each one was different from the last one way or the other with either color or the mark on their flanks. The blonde looked in his hand and found the horn he busted off earlier was still in his possession but was no longer glowing, he put it in his pant pocket to worry about later.
The blonde cranked his neck to look at the brunette; "Hey Butt-head."
"Uh yeah? Uh huh huh huh." Butt-head did the same.
"Those are some messed up dogs. Eh heh heh heh." The blonde chuckled.
"Uh hmmm... I don't think those are dogs uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled. The teens remained behind the bush where no pony could see them.
"Hi!" A cheerful voice squealed from behind them, "Whatcha lookin at?" Beavis and Butt-head turned around to find a pink colored pony at their feet with pinky frizzy mane, blue eyes and a cutie mark that showed balloons. The pink pony tilted her head in curiosity but kept a huge playful smile.
"Hey Butt-head that dog just talked! Eh heh heh heh." Beavis pointed with his eyes widened.
"A TALKING DOG? WHERE?" The pink pony turned her head left the right to look for the so called talking dog. The pink pony pouted as she missed the sight then turned back to the two teens. She put on a smile and started bouncing, "My name is Pinkie Pie and welcome to Ponyville!"
"Eh heh heh heh... Pie... Eh heh heh heh." Beavis took this as an obvious sexual innuendo, soon Butt-head joined in.
Pinkie Pie put her hoof to her chin and scrunched her eyes, "I never seen anything like you before." The two teens just stared at each other, not sure what to make of this.
"We must be on that... L..SP or something uh huh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
Pinke gasped, "Are you two psychic?"
"So what's your name then?" Pinkie bounced up and down anxiously in front of Butt-head.
For some reason this tickled Pinkie Pie's funny bone, she landed on her back, rolled back and forth and laughed. "Ha ha. Butt head! What a funny name." Pinkie Pie brought herself back to her hooves, again smiled and said, "You two are silly fillies!"
Beavis and Butt-head already grew bored with Pinkie Pie. They sensed that she was like an annoying kid. "Uh... Could you like... Shut up?" Butt-head asked.
Pinkie Pie rub her hoof across her mouth signifying that she zipped her lips, but nonetheless still curious of the two teens still with a happy smirk on her face. Beavis looked at Pinkie, Pinkie looked back at Beavis, camera goes back to Pinkie, then it goes back to Beavis. Shot goes back to Pinkie's iris shrinking with a wide crazy grin on her face. Shot goes back to Beavis as he picked his nose.
"Well I lose the shut up game!" Pinkie Pie chirped back to her normal random self and started bouncing again happily. "I bet you two are lost."
"Sort of. Eh heh heh." Beavis pulled his finger out of his nose.
Pinkie Pie halted her bouncing, "Well you two are in luck! Come with me and I'll give you the grand tour of Ponyville!"
"Eh... no thanks. Uh huh huh huh." Butt-head refused, "Place probably sucks anyway."
Beavis started to laugh as well, "Ohhh yeah, Butt-head... eh heh heh it all makes sense now." He continued to laugh.
This pissed Butt-head off so bad that he slapped Beavis across the face, "Shut up dillhole!"
The sound of the loud smack and Beavis yell made Pinkie cringe. Beavis and Butt-head quickly maintained their earlier composure and started laughing again.
Pinkie bounced again and again, "Well you two came at a great time! Today is the party at the center of town here as you can see we're setting up for!" Pinkie stopped jumping up and down to brag some more, "I'm in charge of the treats like cakes, cupcakes, pies oh I'm so looking forward to tonight!"
"Uh... did you say cake?" Butt-head said in a sly tone.
"Eh heh heh heh. Will there be nachos?" Beavis asked.
Pinkie tilted her head in confusion, "Nachos?"
"You got cake but no nachos? Eh..." Beavis tried to laugh but had that disgusted look on his face.
"Are nachos a desert?" Pinkie raised her hoof in question.
"Uh... no... Nachos are just chips with orange stuff on them." Butt-head explained.
"That sounds delicious." Pinkie smiled, "You can make them at the town party tonight!"
"Will there be chicks? Uh huh huh." Butt-head asked.
Pinkie Pie paused, "I guess I could ask Fluttershy to bring her chickens." Pinkie Pie lead her new strange friends to the Sugarcube Corner to get ready for the party. Many eyes were on Pinkie as she escorted the teens throughout Ponyville. Humans are what you can say, aren't particularly well known in Equestria, pretty much no one ever seen one. She didn't care as the town ponies were in whispers talking to each other but didn't confront the devilish teens about it. Maybe Pinkie might introduce everyone to her new friends at the party that night. Mr and Mrs. Cake had a large order to fill so they left Pinkie Pie in charge of making the rest of the deserts. Lucky for her she only had fifty more to make, this of course didn't bother her, she loved baking. After gathering the supplies she started immediately. Beavis and Butt-head only looked around instead of helping. As they were not interested in helping, they were curious though watching the pony bake.
"Remember that time we tried to make soup at Stewart's house? Eh heh heh heh." Beavis asked.
"Uh huh huh. Yeah." Butt-head laughed, "Apparently they said you're supposed to not put the pan in the microwave."
"Eh heh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "We did anyway. And after that it caught FIRE." Shouted Beavis anxiously waving his fists up and down and eyes widened. He calmed down within a moment and asked "Was Stewart and his parents home that day we did that?"
"Uh... I don't think so." Butt-head replied.
"Mr. Beavis! Mr. Butt-head can I get some help please?" Pinkie asked as she splat baking batter into the cupcake tin one by one.
"Uh... okay." The two said, figured they have something to do. She had them shove as many trays into the baking oven as they could. Pinkie bounced to close the oven door and set the timer.
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy." Pinkie said over and over, "You two are going to love the party tonight! Going to celebrate Ponyville's anniversary!"
The teens didn't even react, just stood there.
Pinkie knew the two were a tough crowd, maybe this was something that she needed to tell her friends about right away? She didn't even know who these two were and she invited them into her home and business like they were her friends in the first place. She thought about this. Was it better to get Twilight now or wait until the party tonight? They were funny to her so that's good.
The pink pony continued to talk with her new friends when suddenly the oven made a ding sound.
"Oh good the cupcakes are done!" Pinkie smiled, "If you two could please?"
"OW! DAMN IT!" He shouted and dropped the tray onto the floor. CLANG. He clutched his hand in searing pain and looked at it, just redness. "Ow... Eh heh heh." Pinkie Pie ignored the cupcakes for a second to check on Beavis's hand as he clutched it. She heard him mutter some inaudible things.
"Uh huh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled, "Looks like you're going to be using your other hand tonight."
Later that evening, the party has finally started to celebrate Ponyville's anniversary. Pinkie Pie finished putting out the last of the treats then opened up shop on another table with a giant bowl of tortilla chips and equal size bowl of melted gooey cheese. The mayor of Ponyville opened up the party with a speech concerning tonights entertainment and thanking everyone who made the party possible.
"Hey Pinkie Pie." A cyan colored pegasus landed near Pinkie Pie as she put the finishing touches on the snack table, "I heard you made some new friends today. Going to introduce them to your friends?"
"Oh that's right Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie exclaimed. "I completely forgot!"
Beavis and Butt-head wasted no time giving Rainbow Dash a first impression by throwing fireworks that were supposed to be used for the party at Fluttershy's animal friends.
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, "They're... different in more way that one."
Pinkie Pie smiled, "I never seen a pony like them in Equestria."
"I don't think those two are ponies." Rainbow Dash corrected her random friend. "But still Twilight would want us to give them a chance."
"Hey Beavis?" Butt-head chuckled as he gripped a couple of bottle rockets in his hand then pointed towards a rabbit, "Wanna see how many I can shove up that rabbit's butt?"
"Mr. Beavis! Mr. Butt-head!" Pinkie bounced in front of them with Rainbow Dash in tow, "I want you to meet my good friend Rainbow Dash!"
"Rainbow Dash, yeah I'm that awesome." Dash wasted no time bragging. The teens just looked at the rainbow maned pony.
"Hey how's it going." Beavis greeted in his casual way, "Eh heh heh."
"I like the lightning bolt on your shirt there Mr. Butt-head!" Rainbow pointed.
"Uh huh huh. Yeah... ACDC rules." Butt-head chuckled.
Rainbow Dash scratched her head, "Never heard of them."
Beavis and Butt-head frowned at each other knowing that this place was going to be hell.
"Well come on guys let's get to our table and enjoy the show coming up!" Pinkie said waving her friend and the two teens. Beavis stayed behind to grab a cupcake and ate it, then he grabbed another, then another, and another...
Meanwhile up on stage the mayor presented the next form of entertainment after the opening act was some generic sounding band that played mediocre songs. Okay they were lame. A stagecoach opened up on stage with familiar pinwheels flailing with fireworks to dazzle and impress the audience.
"Oh it can't be her again!" Moaned Twilight Sparkle moaned, putting her hoof to her face.
"Seriously? Didn't you make her run off?" Her assistant Spike the dragon asked.
"PRESENTING... THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" The loud female voice boomed on stage with an explosion of smoke and more fireworks.
"Eh... pretty lame if this is a rock concert." Butt-head frowned while he sat in between Dash and Pinkie at another table sharing a big tray of nachos. He looked at Dash who was practically shoveling the chips into her face, "Hey don't bogart the nachos Dash!" Beavis on the other hand was on his fourteenth cupcake, he started to violently shake as he shoved another into his mouth.
"The great and powerful Trixie has missed you all!" A light blue pony with a grey and blue mane appeared on stage, "I've been away and want to show you that I've learned some new tricks." Some ponies in the crowd booed her others didn't even bother acknowledging her. "Well... The great and powerful Trixie has never!"
Trixie continued her act despite some setbacks with the crowd. So far she made the mayor's building disappear then reappear, sawed a volunteer in half, made an escape act where she was put in a mental hospital jacket and hover over a pool of bad expired shampoo. Rarity wanted to puke once she saw the goop in the pool below Trixie. Somehow she won some of the audience back, others remained quiet.
Trixie scouted the crowd in front of her to find Twilight Sparkle sitting at one of the first row tables, "Well if it ain't miss Sparkle."
Twilight sighed then looked up, "Hi Trixie."
Trixie was disgusted, "That's all?"
Twilight's eyes narrowed, "Don't you have a show to finish?"
"Oh I do, I was saving this for last as well... a magic duel between you and I the great and powerful Trixie." Trixie evilly smiled.
Twilight shook her head, "I'm just here for the party. That's all."
"So... you're throwing in the towel?" Trixie mused, "Admitting defeat?"
"Twilight doesn't have to admit anything." Spike defended his friend.
"Fine then... coward" Trixie sneered, people were trying to encourage Twilight to go up on stage and wipe the floor with the boaster again. Trixie trotted back onto stage, "Is there any pony out there in the audience that want to stand hoof to hoof against the great and powerful Trixie?"
Beavis probably finished his twentieth cupcake, ate five slices of cake and drank a six pack of root beer by himself. Ponies around the dessert table were looking at him funny wondering if he was okay but since they never saw a human before, this could be something they wouldn't understand. Beavis pulled his shirt over his head and raised his arms.
"I AM CORNHOLIO!" Beavis shouted, "NNNNNRRAAHHHHNNRRRAAAA!" He started pacing back and forth down the aisles between the tables.
Trixie of course continued her boasting, "Well if there is no one here then I will reclaim the title of..."
"I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!" Beavis shouted, he paced up and down the isles distracting the other ponies. "TP... TP... TP!"
Everyone turned to see Beavis turn into his alter ego.
"What in the hey just happened to your friend?" Rainbow had her head turned to see Beavis pace back and forth to be a distraction.
"Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled, "He gets like that... when he eats a lot of candy and other things."
"How much sugar did you put in your desserts Pinkie?" Dash asked.
"About..." Pinkie tried to think back, "Three or four times the amount."
"YOU THERE!" Trixie pointed her hoof at Beavis, "You dare to interrupt the great and powerful Trixie's performance?"
"BUNGHOLIO!" Beavis chanted.
"Then the great and powerful Trixie challenges you worm to get up on this stage and settle this if you're so confident in ruining performances!"
Beavis turned to Trixie instantly and tensed up, "ARE YOU THREATENING ME? I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!"
"Oh boy, it's the Great Cornholio vs. The Great and Powerful Trixie." Dash snickered.
"MY BUNGHOLE ACCEPTS YOUR CHALLENGE!" Beavis shouted.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria:
By NocturneD
Chapter 4
Pinkie Pie offered Beavis and Butt-head to stay at her place for the night until things got sorted out. Spike for one was top priority getting his hand taken care of because of a certain firework incident. Twilight Sparkle wanted to sit down with the two teens to ask them many questions from what are they and where did they come from but that would have to wait as she tended to Spike. Pinkie Pie swore to Twilight that she would be a good host and make sure they get what they need until everything gets settled.
Since Mr. and Mrs. Cake were still filling a big order they left Pinkie to tie down the fort. Pinkie rolled out some extra beds for her guests, throwing extra pillows and blankets to make sure they would be comfortable. Butt-head sat down, a bit amazed that the bed was actually like sleeping on a cloud. Beavis excused himself to use the bathroom and Pinkie told him it was in the next room. Pinkie Pie then looked out the window to admire the night sky. "Good night ponyville. Tomorrow will be another exciting day." She was exhausted from the entire experience.
FLUSH
"Hey Butt-head!" Beavis called from inside the bathroom, "The toilet is like... eh heh heh tiny."
"Uh huh huh huh. Like really?" Butt-head sat up.
Beavis came into the room still laughing, "I'm serious. Eh heh heh heh. Everything in this house is small."
Butt-head stood up and walked to the bathroom to use it. He closed the door.
"Eh... Beavis?" Butt-head hollered from the next room, "You pissed everywhere but the damn toilet! Uh huh huh."
"Eh heh heh heh." Beavis chuckled uncontrollably.
Pinkie cringed at first but kept a smile for her guests. Butt-head finally emerged from the bathroom and laid on the spare bed, Beavis on the other. Beavis was amazed, "Wow. Eh heh heh. This is like... comfur...dable." Beavis tried to say comfortable but knowing his grammar Butt-head knew what he meant. "A lot better than sleeping on a couch. Eh heh heh."
"Well butt munch you can always go home if you don't my couch. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
Pinkie crawled into her bed and started to doze off, suddenly she heard something flapping. "What in the name of Celestia is that sound?" She lifted her head to let it scout the room only to find Beavis's covers fumbling back and forth while he still chuckled but with his eyes closed. "Hmmm... better then him be then." Beavis continued giggling.
The next morning the two teens slept in while Pinkie Pie woke up at her usual time to start preparing for the bakery and shop to open. Pinkie opened up the back room to find the unfrosted cupcakes and cakes ready to be made for today. Shelf by shelf she dragged each tray to the table. Sorting through her frosting and order slips to see what treat goes to what pony and what they wanted. She got to work quickly. After she frosted the last cake on the list she figured she get breakfast started. Since she was in the cake mood, she made pancakes and a lot of them.
Eventually the two woke up, well Butt-head farted and woke up Beavis that way. The blonde coughed and called foul on his friend. Butt-head didn't care.
"Hey Beavis... uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
Beavis covered his nose, "What?"
"Like something smells good. Uh huh huh." Butt-head noticed.
Beavis frowned, "Your farts don't smell nice Butt-head. Eh heh heh."
The two wandered down the stairs and followed the smell into the kitchen. There were three plates with pancakes stacked at a good twelve inches. Pinkie already set up the glasses along with a carton of milk and orange juice, buttered toast, and fried eggs.
Pinkie jumped in front of them and threw streamers, "Good morning you two!" She chirped, "Hope you had a good nights sleep."
"Uh... yeah actually." Butt-head admitted.
"Best night ever. Eh heh heh." Beavis replied.
"Just wished you didn't spank your monkey last night." Butt-head retorted.
Pinkie gasped, "You brought a monkey?"
"It's a figure of speech. Uh huh huh." Butt-head answered.
"Gotta remember that one." Pinkie chuckled and with excitement she said, "But please, sit down, eat, eat!"
The two teens sat down as ordered, amazed at the meal that was prepared for them.
"Whoa..." Butt-head widened his eyes, "Pancakes... eggs... toast..." He checked the side of his plate, "Eh... no bacon?"
"What's bacon?" Pinkie tilted her head.
"Comes from pig. Uh huh huh." Butt-head explained.
"You mean as in meat?" Pinkie asked with eyes widened, "Meat really isn't a big delicacy here."
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
"Why the hell not?" Beavis asked.
"Well the population around here is mostly ponies and we're pretty much on vegetables, fruits,
grains, candy and sweets." Pinkie explained.
"So... no hamburgers?" Butt-head asked.
"Or tacos?" Beavis frowned.
Pinkie shifted her shoulders.
"Beavis... this is going to suck like it has never sucked before. Uh huh huh." He chuckled.
"Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "Well if it's a place with a lot of cakes I can live with it." Beavis picked up a nearby fork and took a piece out of his stack of pancakes, brought it to his mouth. He brought another piece, another, then another. "Hey this is pretty good. Eh heh heh."
Butt-head stuffed a couple into his mouth but still talked, "Pancakes rule."
"Wished my mom could cook like this." Beavis took another bite.
"Yeah... uh huh huh... but she's too busy being a slut." Butt-head laughed.
"Oh oh oh... yeah." Beavis chuckled.
Pinkie found this strange, Butt-head clearly insulted Beavis's family but Beavis shook if off like he wasn't denying it. She wondered if these two were really friends at all but she kept this observation to herself. Pinkie asked, "Does your mom cook for you Mr. Beavis?"
"No..." He took another bite, "Pretty much she tries to lose me every chance we go to the store and spends the welfare checks on beer and smokes."
"Yeah, beer and smokes are cool." Butt-head chuckled.
Pinkie was shocked by this, "How about your mother Mr. Butt-head?"
Butt-head replied quickly, "Uh... my mom pretty much is never home and she gets a new boyfriend pretty much every month."
"And you call my mom a slut. Eh heh heh" Beavis chuckled.
"What about your fathers?" Pinkie asked.
"Who?" Beavis asked.
"Your dads. Where are they?" Pinkie tilted her head in curiosity. Beavis and Butt-head couldn't piece that question together if they wanted to.
"Well... I guess that's another sad story isn't it?" Pinkie asked.
"I dunno." Butt-head shifted his shoulders.
"Probably..." Beavis took another bite and didn't care.
"I'm sorry to hear that then. My family and I were rock farmers, they never really liked having fun as it was always so gloomy and depressing there." She perked up, "Then I moved here with Mr. and Mrs. Cake and I couldn't have been any happier."
"Huh?" Beavis wasn't paying attention.
"Well that story sucked. Uh huh huh." Butt-head remarked.
Pinkie asked if the two could assist her with the cakes and other desserts as she cleaned up. The two had nothing better to do and as instructed they put the cakes on display where she told them to put them. The pink pony also told them if any customers came in to pick up an order just ask for their name and look for their receipt on the dessert box in the back or if they wanted something from the shelf just ring them out. She explained the currency of Equestria as bits, it was simple along with the price tags marked in front of the desserts. From their experience from their jobs back at Burger World this should be easy... or atleast something...
The front door opened with a chiming sound to signal that a customer walked in. In came a grey pegasus pony with blonde hair. Butt-head watched as the grey winged pony trot up to the counter, first thing he noticed was one eye, "Eh... what's wrong with your eye?"
"Muffin." The grey pony wanted.
"Would you like some fries with that? Uh huh huh." Butt-head asked.
"Muffin." The grey pony nodded her head at the muffin pyramid display next to Beavis who was taking a bite out of one of them already.
Beavis took another muffin from the display and was going to wrap it up in the pink boxes nearby until he tripped and the muffin landed on the dirty floor. He brushed himself off and put the dirty muffin in the treat box and laid it on the counter. Butt-head was trying to get the cash register open, it was a lot different from the one in Burger World as it was electronic. This was was old fashioned.
Butt-head scratched his head, "Uh... how do you open this thing?" He mashed buttons over and over again.
"You should break it! Eh heh heh." Beavis got excited as usual.
Pinkie Pie finished the last of the dishes.
CRASSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH
Pinkie Pie ran into the front room to find the cash register on the floor split into half, money all over the floor.
"Uh... we got it open now. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled. Beavis also chuckled. Pinkie Pie
was shocked. Derpy just stood their being derpy.
"Is everyone alright?" Pinkie asked, pacing back and forth to make sure no one was hurt.
"Uh... yeah I think your cash register was broken." Beavis explained, pretty lousily. "Then it fell over."
"Derpy is that what happened?" Pinkie asked.
"Muffin!" Derpy managed to say.
Pinkie shifted her shoulders and chirped, "Well accidents happen." Pinkie swept up the money and the remains of the register as the tray was the only thing salvageable. The three worked for the rest of the morning selling the baked goods, one of by one Pinkie introduced Beavis and Butt-head to the ponies who wander into the shop. The ponies were amazed to see the strange creatures and gave them compliments for the show last night. Also wanted to get the recipe for nachos that was provided the other night because they were a big hit.
A little orange pegasus with purple hair walked into the shop and up to the counter. She looked up at the two, they looked back down at her. "Hey Butt-head... is that a chicken?" Beavis asked. The orange pegasus frowned and narrowed her eyes.
"Beavis you dumb ass! That's too small to be a chicken. Uh huh huh." Butt-head scolded his friend.
"Maybe it's a nugget. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
Pinky couldn't help but laugh at that one.
Then Rainbow Dash walked in, not very happy but rather unfocused.
"Oh hey Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie hopped up and down.
Rainbow Dash put on a rather weak smile, "Hey Pinkie Pie.."
"Something the matter?" Pinkie blinked.
"You remember Gilda right?" Dash asked.
to be continued...
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head: Do Equestria
By NocturneD
"So what about Gilda?" Pinkie raised an eyebrow.
"Well she wrote me and said she wanted to make amends." Dash answered with a bit of hope in her voice. She rubbed the back of her neck, "I want to say sorry again for Gilda giving you a hard time."
"It's okay Dash. As long as we all can be friends that's all that matters." Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash embraced each other in a hug.
"Awwww... Eh heh heh." Beavis giggled in a mocking tone.
"I know Pinkie. Thanks for understanding." Rainbow replied, she broke the hug and smiled.
Butt-head interrupted with a loud fart.
ooo
After an awkward reunion Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash figured it was time to give Beavis and Butt-head a tour of Ponyville. They started in the center of town where the party from the previous night was formally; now back to looking like a respectable building. Despite having severe burn marks on half of the building thanks to Trixie's faulty pyrotechnics.
"This is city hall where the mayor lives and does her job." Pinkie pointed to the building. "You might of saw her last night but unfortunately a meeting with her today isn't possible. You know with... fire." Her eyes bulged as she added a strong vibe on the word; fire.
"Fire is cool. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
"You two already saw the Sugarcube corner where I live and work. Anytime you want a treat; don't be a stranger." Pinkie winked, "Or if you need to earn some extra bits I could persuade Mr. and Mrs. Cake to give you some work around the place."
"Eh..." Butt-head frowned.
The tour continued.
"And here we have the boutique owned by our good friend Rarity." Dash explained proudly, "Though I'm into the cool stuff, Rarity here is rather posh and makes a living making dresses."
Beavis was picking his nose at this point.
"Rarity is off visiting Spike in the hospital with Fluttershy and Twilight so she won't be back until later." Dash focused on Pinkie.
"Poor Spikey wikey..." Pinkie said sadly.
Rainbow Dash smirked, "Hey... let's go down to Sweet Apple Acres for a bit, I forgot Apple Jack wants to show us something."
ooo
And so the four walked to Apple Jack's farm to find the orange pony apple bucking as usual. Kicking numerous trees numerous times to get numerous apples along with her big brother Big Mac.
"Hey Apple Jack! Bic Mac!" Dash and Pinkie greeted.
"Hey there girls! Just in time too!" Apple Jack waved.
Butt-head was sniffing his fingers for some reason.
"So Apple Jack, what's this thing you wanted to show us?" Pinkie bounced up and down anxiously.
"Hold yer horses hun I'll show it you instead." Apple Jack tried to calm her friend down, "Big Mac I'm going to show my friends the surprise."
Apple Jack lead the four to the family barn, opened the large doors and trotted in. "After what happened to Spike last night I figured why not make him a welcoming home present, it's not finished of course as I wanted to ask you girls something." The blonde pony showed the four the present for Spike, a gift basket with apples inside.
"How fitting..." Dash rolled her eyes.
"The present is a great idea!" Pinkie bounced up and down again.
"Yeah apples are okay, but usually gift baskets need more than one item." Dash added.
"What do you mean? There's red apples, green apples and yellow apples. That's three." Apple Jack defended.
Beavis and Butt-head were eying something else in the barn. A rather large tool with a saw blade on one end and a motor on the other.
"Well if ya girls want to add sumthin then go right ahead. Supposed to be all of us anyway." Apple Jack offered.
"OH! Cupcakes! CANDY!" Pinkie chimed in.
"A toy I guess." Dash rubbed her chin.
"Yeah Yeah And PORN!" Beavis shouted from the background.
Apple Jack frowned and turned her head, "What in tarnation are those two yammering on about?"
"Oh..." Pinkie waved her hoof around and rolled her eyes crazily, "Mr. Beavis and Mr. Butt-head say all sorts of funny things."
"Guess you could say that's whatever they do back in where ever they're from." Dash added.
"Seem rather... dumb don't ya think?" Apple Jack whispered to them.
Pinkie gasped, "Apple Jack I'm surprised at you!"
Apple Jack tried to ease Pinkie down, "Now now sugar cube. I didn't mean it like that, its just they seem rather..."
The two teens were too busy looking at Big Mac as he walked around doing other chores.
"Hey Butt-head. Eh heh heh. You know why they call him Big Mac?" Beavis asked. "BOIIIIINNNNNGGGGG..." The blonde shook his arms and head as he made the sound.
"Eh Beavis. You were looking at that horses' wiener the entire time?" Butt-head asked.
"Uhhhhh..." Beavis tried to come up with something, "You notice that he's the only guy pony here right?"
"Oh yeah... uh huh huh. He probably get's all the chick's here." Butt-head chuckled.
"Come on Apple Jack they helped me back at the Sugar Cube corner when the morning to noon rush came in." Pinkie pointed her hoof at Apple Jack, "They did an adequate job! Though the cash register broke somehow."
"Alright, alright. If you think they're good then it's fine with me." Apple Jack eased back.
Minutes later the ponies and teens went back outside to help buck some apple trees. The mares took three trees of their own while Beavis and Butt-head watched the ponies kicked the trees for apples to fall down them. Apple Jack gave them instructions on how to do it. Beavis kicked the tree but nothing came down. Apple Jack figured that the tree was too thick for them to kick so she moved them to a nearby apple tree near the barn. Beavis kept kicking the tree as Apple Jack left.
"Wuss. Uh huh huh." Butt-head laughed.
"SHUT UP!" Beavis continued to kick the apple tree. "STUPID SON OF A BITCH TREE!" Butt-head continued to chuckle.
Beavis stopped kicking the tree, "Damn it... Eh heh heh." He wiped the sweat from his forehead, "This is like... harder than it looks."
Suddenly a dim light bulb fizzed out above Butt-head's head.
"Eh... Instead of trying to get the apples to come down." Butt-head explained and pointed to the base of the tree, "Why not just cut it down here?"
"Yeah... YEAH!" Beavis's eyes widened and turned back to Butt-head, "With what? eh heh heh."
The three ponies continued to apple buck with success even though Bic Mac was pounding away way more. Apple Jack figured it was time for a lunch break and thought it would be nice to have lunch outside. Everything was set up with peanut butter and apple sandwiches, apple pies fresh from the oven and a pitcher of apple juice.
"Those two workin hard?" Big Mac asked.
"They don't seem to be catching on so I gave them the tree next to the barn. Pretty flimsy even for Apple Bloom to buck so it should be easy." Apple Jack smirked and handed her brother a sandwich. When the heard a loud cutting sound being made.
"The hey is that?" Apple Jack asked.
"Well that sounds like my new chainsaw..." Big Mac pondered.
Suddenly they heard a loud crash.
The four ponies got up from the picnic lunch and raced over to the barn to find the tree that Apple Jack left Beavis and Butt-head to buck is now pretty much fallen and damaged the side of the barn leaving a giant gaping hole in it. Apple Jack walked up to the barn with her face still with a stunned look on it. Big Mac bewildered. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash knew this didn't look good their view slowly moved to the two teens. Butt-head holding the chainsaw and Beavis stood there laughing.
"Uh huh huh. Timber." Butt-head chuckled.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Sweetie Belle vs. The Pipe
Beavis and Butt-Head in Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
ooo
"That's one mighty fine hole you boy put in my barn." Big Mac chewed on a piece of straw, still in a quizzical state.
"WHAT IN TARNATION DID YOU TWO DO?" Apple Jack hollered, ready to buck the hell out of the two.
"Now Apple Jack they're new here so maybe they didn't know it was..." Pinkie Pie tried to give tolerance a chance.
"HORSE APPLES! LOOK AT THAT BIG STINKIN HOLE IN MY BARN!" Apple Jack roared so loud it scared the birds away as they flew away from the trees. "LOOK AT IT! THE TREE POKING INTO THE BARN!"
The two teens started to laugh at the sexual innuendo.
"I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO COME OUT THAT EASILY!" Apple Jack paced back and forth wanting to free her stress.
The two laughed harder.
Apple Jack pointed again, "LOOK THE TREE IS TOO DARN BIG AND WIDE AND ITS RAMMED INTO MY BARN!"
Beavis and Butt-head laughed even harder, this time joined by Rainbow Dash at Apple Jack's frustration. Big Mac started to inspect the damage, he looked at the tree, then at the hole in the barn, then back at the tree. He tapped on the tree with his hoof, "Yup... it's stuck."
"Hey Butt-head... what if the tree like... landed in the back of the barn door." Beavis chuckled.
"Uh huh huh. I don't think Apple Jack is going to want anything in her back door." Butt-head chuckled.
"Sure seems like she got a big tree up her butt though." Beavis added.
"Probably Big Mac's tree." Butt-head chuckled.
Beavis frowned, "I don't get it."
Pinkie Pie walked up to the two with a sad look, "Why don't you two try apologizing to Apple Jack? Atleast she'll know you tried to make amends. Maybe you two didn't know what you were doing?"
"Uh... okay." Butt-head dropped the chain-saw.
"Sorry about that." Beavis said quickly.
Apple Jack wasn't buying it, "Oh no, I think you two knew what exactly you were doing!"
"Now hold on sis." Big Mac spoke up, "I'm just as mad as you are but that's not how we treat guests."
"But Big Mac!" Apple Jack tried to argue.
"Sis... I'll work something out with these two. Why don't you just go inside and calm down?" Big Mac explained, "Don't worry I'll give these two a scolding if they need one. Now getty up." Apple Jack fumed and walked back into the house and slammed the door behind them.
"Apple Jack Ass." Beavis muttered.
Pinkie and Rainbow gasped, he just said that in front of her brother.
Pinkie Pie got on her hoofs and knees begging, "I'M SORRY BIG MAC THEY'RE NEW IN TOWN AND DON'T MEAN THE STUFF THEY DO!"
Big Mac stared at the blonde then suddenly he let out a chuckle himself.
"Huh?" Dash's eyes widened.
"Oh my." Big Mac eased himself, "You two aren't made for apple bucking I take it."
Beavis was rubbing his aching legs.
"Guess your legs aren't strong like ours." Big Mac nodded, "Can you four keep a secret?"
Pinkie pretended to zip her lip.
"Alright." Big Mac explained, "That siding you boys managed to destroy was made out of shoddy material anyway."
"Uh huh huh. You half assed it didn't you?" Butt-head asked.
"Yup." Bic Mac replied, "Cheap materials gone bad over the winter I take it. They said it should of stood up to a hurricane. You boys sure proved them wrong."
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Beavis and Butt-head spaced out for a moment.
"HERE I AM! ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE!" Beavis chanted giving an obvious song reference.
"Well I'm not going to thank you two for helping me find out that the wood I used was bad." Big Mac tried to say but the two teens started to laugh again, "But you two still put a big hole in the barn and I'll be expecting help from you two as in a way of paying the Apple family back. Or if you want to just skip out... don't bother coming to Sweet Apple Acres." He gave a stern look.
"Uh..." Butt-head frowned.
"I'll help too!" Dash raised her hoof.
"Me three!" Pinkie pounced.
"See." Big Mac smiled, "The more ponies join the faster this will get done."
"Eh... I guess." Beavis picked his nose.
"But don't worry, it will probably be a few days before I can scrounge up some better supplies." Big Mac ordered.
"I just got a question... eh heh heh. If you're called Big Mac. Does anyone call you Big Sack?" Beavis asked.
Big Mac had to think for a moment. Then shook his head from side to side, "Just to let you two know, it takes a lot to get me mad but since you made me laugh I'll let you two off. So just be ready to work when I give the word." He brushed his chest with his hoof, "Who knows, if you two do a good job you could probably can earn some extra bits around here."
"Wow! Mr. Beavis! Mr. Butt-head! That's two jobs looking out for you!" Pinkie Pie bounced happily. "Oh thank you Big Mac for understanding for Mr. Beavis and Mr. Butt-head destroying pretty much half of your barn." She gave him a peek on the cheek.
Big Mac blushed and rubbed his cheek, "Well... Miss Pie if they're a friend of yours then they're a friend of mine." He frowned, "Just to let you know my trust in your new friends is going to be tough if they don't help out." He put a hoof to his chin, "My sister on the other hand is going to take awhile getting over that barn."
"So uh... since your a redneck. Are you having sex with your family?" Beavis asked.
Big Mac turned on a sour look, "I'll send for you two and the others once we're ready to start."
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash pulled on Beavis and Butt-head and left Sweet Apple Acres before Big Mac finally snapped and went postal on the two. Big Mac then smirked and walked towards the house, opened the front door and called up the stairs, "Apple Jack! Put on something lacy!"
ooo
"Boy sure glad Big Mac and Apple Jack didn't decide to kill you." Pinkie Pie heaved.
"You two really don't know when to shut up do you?" Dash added.
"Not really... Uh huh huh." Butt-head replied.
The four journeyed back into Ponyville to continue the tour this time stopped at the school house in time for recess. All the little fillies and colts came racing out the school doors and flooded the playground. The cutie mark crusaders were sitting together on a bench to figure out how they could get their cutie mark.
"So maybe we could do some more explorin after school?" Apple Bloom tapped her own cheek.
"I just want to play hop scotch if you two don't mind." Sweetie Belle excused herself.
The white unicorn filly trotted over to the hop scotch mark on the pavement, found a rock and started playing by herself. She was having so much fun and played a few more rounds, she was about to throw the rock again until. "Hey blank flank." Sneered the spoiled pony Diamond Tierra, next to her was her equally as snotty friend Silver Spoon. With that Sweetie Belle threw the rock too far in surprise and it feel down a long narrow pipe over the fence. "Ooops." Diamond Tierra covered her mouth and snickered. "Clumsy and a blank flank."
"My how it all adds up." Silver Spoon added.
Sweetie Belle narrowed her eyes in anger and went to go get the skipping rock back. Ignoring the stay out sign on the fence, she hopped over it and approached the pipe.
"Sweetie Belle we're not supposed to be outside the fence during recess!" Apple Bloom came trotting up to the fence.
"I'll be back." Sweetie Belle winked and walked over to the pipe sticking out of the ground. She looked in and could barely make anything out until she saw a glint of light must meaning the rock was indeed in there. "I found it!" She chimed and started to climb up the pipe and lean in. Using whatever magic she learned, or if any she tried to grab the rock.
Until suddenly...
"UMPFH..." Sweetie Belle moaned as he upper body was now incased in the pipe. She grunted and tried to squeeze her way out, "Uh oh..." Her backside kicked wildly. "UH... Apple Bloom?"
"Yeah Sweetie Belle?" Apple Bloom hoped the fence and leaned up towards the pipe.
"I'm stuck!" Sweetie Belle's voice echoed.
"What's going on?" Scootaloo came up to the fence.
"Blank flank is stuck." Silver Spoon smirked.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo tugged on their friend's hind legs trying to get her loose only with no luck. Started to hurt Sweetie Belle as it only felt like the pipe was sucking her down further.
"Somepony go get Miss Cheerilee!" Apple Bloom shouted.
Meanwhile...
"Well that is very interesting Mr. Beavis... I didn't know... you could cook a dead mouse in an easy bake oven." Cheerilee cringed.
"Teacher Teacher!" Scootaloo came trotting up to her teacher, "Sweetie Belle is stuck!"
"Stuck?" Cheerilee perked her head up, motherly instinct kicked in, "Where?"
"That old pipe outside the fence!" Scootaloo pointed.
"I told you ponies not go to by that pipe time after time!" Cheerliee scolded her student.
Soon everypony including the teens were gathered around the pipe from students, to faculty, to neighbors, to ambulance, to fire fighters. Everypony was hard at work... doing nothing, just trying to make heads or tails how could Sweetie Belle be stuck.
"Hey Butt-head... remember when you got stuck in the pipe?" Beavis chuckled.
"Oh yeah. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled, "That sucked."
The rescue continued... not going very well. Sweetie Belle started to cry as her echoes could be heard by everyone.
"It's no use!" Sweetie Belle sniffed, "I'm going to have to live in the pipe!"
"What kind of pipe is that anyway?" Beavis asked.
"Apparently one that leads to the sewer. Mostly this is for water from the rain to go down." One of the fire fighter ponies replied. "Just as long as it doesn't rain she'll be fine."
Suddenly a loud thunder erupted and skies went grey.
"Well we can't move her Miss Cheerilee." One of the fire fighters looked at the situation, "If we move her, her arms could break.
"Eh... this is stupid. Why don't they just grease her up or something?" Butt-head pointed out.
Suddenly a dim light above Pinkie Pie's head shorted out. She smiled, "I'M GOING TO GET SOME BUTTER!" And she did, came back with large tubs of butter and threw them to the ground. "Come on Mr. Beavis and Mr. Butt-head let's lather up Sweetie Belle's behind with butter!"
"Wait! That doesn't sound right!" Sweetie Belle echoed. Rainbow Dash joined in and got the edges and Sweetie Belle's sides lathered.
"Okay you two pull!" Dash told the teens to pull.
And the two did, again and again ignoring Sweetie Belle screaming.
Until...
POP!
Sweetie Belle was in the teens arms, her hair and coat a complete mess. This was enough for the news reporters to take pictures.
"Uh..." Butt-head sniffed something that smelled funny, "I think this pony smells funny."
"Wait... my mistake that was a sewage pipe." The fire fighter pony from earlier corrected himself.
Then three other ponies and a little dragon came walking into the school yard to see what the fuss is about.
"What's going on here?" Twilight asked.
"Pinkie Pie and those two creatures saved a little pony trapped in a pipe!" Carrot Top turned her head and explained.
"Oh my... is the little pony alright?" Fluttershy gasped.
"SWEETIE BELLE?" Rarity pushed over the crowd of ponies to get to her sister.
A news reporter with a microphone trotted up to Beavis and Butt-head, "You two, Miss Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash saved little Sweet Belle. What was going on in your thoughts as you were saving her?" A pony asked.
"Uh.. Sweaty Balls smelled funny coming out of that pipe." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah! Eh heh heh BALLS!" Beavis's eyes widened.
"Thank Celestia for these two and the ponies who pitched in to help. You heard it here folks, I'm News Flash... Signing off." The pony waved for the camera pony to turn off the camera. "What a stupid filly..."
"Sorry I didn't the camera off." The camera pony tried to find the off switch.
"Well this sounds like a good report to write to Princess Celestia." Twilight smiled, Spike looked at his bandaged up hand.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head: Do Equestria
By NocturneD
Another day has passed in Ponyville and soon every pony has heard of the two humans. Strange creatures have came through Ponyville with big, small, fat, skinny, whimsical, crude. But for Beavis and Butt-head there was something about them, well most ponies took a liking to them because of the somewhat valiant effort they did to save a young Sweetie Belle from doom of being sucked down a pipe. Others found them annoying. While others found them to be not the sharpest tool in the shed. Beavis and Butt-head were having difficulty adjusting to this new life since there was no television. Their response is to let out a scream to the heavens.
Another day working at the Sugar Cube corner to start earning some bits until they can get their own place. Pinkie happily introduced the teens to Mr and Mrs. Cake. Mr Cake was generous for the help and agreed to pay the two if they do a good job but little did he know about their work habits.
"Hey Beavis? You like notice something about these customers?" Butt-head chuckled.
"That they all stink? Eh heh heh heh." Beavis chuckled back.
"No dude... Uh huh huh. By the way I think you need start showering better because I can smell your B.O. from here." Butt-head gave Beavis a jab.
Beavis raised his armpit and sniffed himself, "I don't smell nuttin." He then raised his head, "Wait they had a shower? Eh heh heh."
"Uh yeah... It's in the bathroom you pissed all over last night." Butt-head chuckled.
"Well I'll be damned." Beavis said quickly.
Slowly Gummy; Pinkie's pet alligator crawled on the counter past the two.
"So what I was trying to say about these customers. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled and explained, "They're not like ass wipes back at home."
Beavis seemed to recall and frowned, "Oh yeah. Eh heh heh." He deepened his voice in a mocking tone, "Excuse me sir I want three double cheeseburgers, four orders of fries with no salt, twenty chicken nuggets with extra sauce and a small diet coke because I got to watch what I eat."
"Yeah... and that customer came back and complained because his diet coke tasted like pee." Butt-head remembered.
"Eh heh heh. It was pee." Beavis chuckled historically. "And part of my wiener went into the drink."
"Is that why you put the ice in last? Uh huh huh." Butt-head asked.
"Eh heh. No... I always put the ice in first... my wiener and nads are still cold just thinking about it." Beavis frowned.
Suddenly the front door opened and revealed a purple unicorn. She trotted up to the counter where the two teens were standing behind.
"Hey Beavis. Uh huh... it's another one of those ponies with a stiffy on it's head." Butt-head chuckled.
Twilight Sparkle never heard of the word; stiffy but she figured it meant horn where they were from. Never the less she smiled, "Hello. I'm Twilight Sparkle. I run the library here in Ponyville and I'm friends with Pinkie Pie."
The two teens remained silent.
"So your names are?" Twilight asked awkwardly.
Beavis scratched his crotch, Butt-head on the other hand farted. Twilight gave a slight cringe but continued with her effort to get an interview.
"So uh... you want something?" Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah... your names?" Twilight asked again.
"Uh... I'm Butt-head... this monkey spanker here is Beavis." Butt-head lazily introduced him and his friend.
Twilight raised an eyebrow, "Beavis? I could of sworn he was shouting he was the great Cornholio a couple nights ago." She rubbed her chin, "I was wondering if I could ask you some questions as in just simple ones."
Beavis blinked and kept his evil looking expression.
"By first, I want to ask where you two came from." Twilight pulled out a small note pad and had a quill ready.
"Uh... my house." Butt-head answered.
Twilight waved, "No. No I mean where are you two from? Another land? City?"
"Oh..." Beavis flicked a booger across the counter.
"Oh yeah... Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled, "Some hick town called Highland."
Twilight scribbled down her findings, "Highland... Now where is that at?"
"Uhhhhhhhh..." Butt-head said aloud.
"Ummmmmmmmm..." Beavis did the same.
Twilight frowned and thought, "I'm not getting far with these answers." She looked up at the two and asked, "How did you two get here?"
Beavis scratched his ass again then replied, "I dunno... Eh heh heh... Just woke up here." He chuckled, "By the way are we high? I keep seeing ponies everywhere. Eh heh heh."
Twilight frowned, "You two are definitely not from around here. I have read about creatures in Equestria and not a lot match your description but few articles I found. Mind if I ask what species you are?"
"Uh... Feces?" Butt-head asked.
Twilight waved her hoof again, "No... species, like what kind of animal you are."
"I'm not an animal I'm a dude butt munch." Butt-head replied back.
"A dude?" Twilight tilted her head, "Is that another form of your species?"
"Yeah. Eh heh heh. I'M A MAN AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!" Beavis chanted shaking his hands and eyes bugged out.
"Dude? Man? Anything helps." Twilight scratched down some more notes, "What's a butt munch by the way?" Twilight thought about that for a moment while Beavis and Butt-head gave no explanation, just laughed, she figured it must be one of their lingoes. "Well, I would like to ask more questions if you don... what is that?"
Beavis had the horn from earlier still in his pant pocket.
"Uh huh huh. He's happy to see you." Butt-head chuckled.
Beavis pulled out the horn, "Oh right... this thing."
Twilight gasped in question, "Can I see it? Where'd you get it?"
Beavis had no problem handing it over, Twilight grabbed the horn with her magic and started examining it from all angles. "Yup... it's a horn alright. But who it belongs to I don't know." She noticed a hint of dark magic was involved, "But whoever had a horn like this... I'm figuring was not a kind pony. Matter of fact, seemed like there is still some magic in this thing." Twilight let the horn run in front of her nose, but caught her attention a weird but foul smell. She gagged, "WHAT IS THAT SMELL?"
Beavis started laughing, "I shoved that thing up my butt. Eh heh heh."
Butt-head plugged his nose and waved his hand around to get better air flow going, "No wonder you stink Beavis."
Twilight covered her nose, "Well no matter what. I think I should put some more research into this and tell princess Celestia about it." She looked back at the two, "This might be the reason why you two are here. I just can't figure out who can have this sort of magic, it's just... eerie." She cringed. "Do you mind if I take this back to my library and..." Suddenly the horn broke free of Twilight's magic and appeared back into Beavis's hand. Twilight while astonished, "Guess this isn't going to be easy."
"Yeah... eh heh heh. I tried flushing this thing but it only backed up Pinkie's toilet." Beavis laughed.
"Uh huh huh yeah..." Butt-head chuckled. Twilight only could reply with her eyes bulging.
"Well whatever it is, I really need to take a look at it. More likely if I can't find out with my books; Princess Celestia is going to have to step in." Twilight brought up.
"Eh... who?" Butt-head asked in an uncaring voice.
"Well I do take it you're not familiar with our customs. Princess Celestia rules all of Equestria where she's staying is currently Canterlot." Twilight went on for like twenty minutes explaining. Beavis and Butt-head put on bored faces. Twilight finished talking, "Oh boy, I lost track of the time. I would like to know more about you two so come on down to the library whenever you're not busy and would like a good book to read." She looked at the clock as it was still pretty early in the day. "Well it's nice meeting you two. Tell Pinkie Pie I said hi." Twilight left.
Beavis frowned, "Good god..."
"Yeah... Thought she would never shut up and leave." Butt-head replied. "What was her name again?"
Beavis said, "Uh... Tinkle Spatula or something... Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "Her butt is like... bigger than the other ponies butts around here."
"Beavis... you've been looking at pony butts?" Butt-head accused and laughed.
"Damn it Butt-head!" Beavis shouted, "That's not what it looks like."
"Okay Beavis." Butt-head ignored.
Silence was shared between the two.
"This sucks... wished we had a TV." Beavis said aloud.
"Wished we had the house here. Uh huh huh." Butt-head brought up, "That way we could have some damn privacy without Pinkie singing a stupid song in the morning to get us up."
Pinkie Pie entered the room with a tray of cookies and slid them into the display case. "Hey you two! We got to finish up this morning and meet Rarity at the boutique!" She cheerily said.
"Uh... why? Eh heh heh." Beavis picked his nose.
"Well since you helped save Sweetie Belle, Rarity is really grateful! Since I noticed you wear clothes I figured I ask her to make some new clothes for you two." Pinkie smiled, then noticed their clothing. All wrinkled and worn out, like they were wearing them for months or practically longer than fifteen years. "She just has to get your measurements."
"Uh huh huh. She's going to measure us." Butt-head chuckled.
"Eh heh heh. Yeah. She's going to measure our nads!" Beavis chuckled.
"And after that there's going to be an award ceremony for us tomorrow night for our part in saving Sweetie Belle!" She bounced up and down.
"A reward?" Butt-head smirked. The two smiled daydreaming what their reward could possibly be.
"Better not be like those stupid prizes we used to get at Chuckie Cheese. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
Pinkie Pie day dreamed and happily explained, "A banquet in our honor! We'll get our pictures taken. Dine on some good food." She licked her lips. "I heard rumors that maybe Princess Celestia might show up."
"Uh... That Twinkle Spunk pony isn't coming is she?" Butt-head asked.
"Twilight Sparkle is my friend ofcourse she'll come!" Pinkie laughed.
"Eh... she sounds boring. She talks too much and has a big butt." Beavis frowned though then again if he hadn't known better Twilight Sparkle reminds him of their chubby friend back home named Stewart.
Pinkie smirked, "That's not very nice Mr. Beavis." Then she sneered, "But you do got the boring part right. As for her flank..." She held out her arms, "Could park a dump truck on that thing."
The three laughed.
Pinkie hushed them again, "But whatever you do, you can't insult any pony infront of Princess Celestia. She might banish you."
"Uh... does Princess Chewbacca have big hooters?" Butt-head asked.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Rarity's Services Uh huh huh
Beavis and Butt-Head: Do Equestria
By NocturneD
After the morning to noon shift was done, Pinkie Pie lead the two teens to her friend Rarity's house. Pinkie knocked on the door once, twice, thrice until a white unicorn answered finally with sewing needles in her mouth and measuring tape hanging loosely around her neck. She plucked the needles from her lips and gave a warm hello, "Why hello Pinkie Pie."
"Hey Rarity I brought Mr. Beavis and Butt-head as you asked." Pinkie smiled.
"Why come in come in darlings." Rarity waved the three into her shop.
The two teens gave one look around the boutique.
"Hey Butt-head. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "Is this like... a underwear store?"
"You mean lingerie dumb ass. Uh huh huh." Butt-head corrected his friend.
"Now boys I don't think there are any needs for insults." Rarity eased in, "As you know there will be a banquet in your honor for saving my dear sister Sweetie Belle and my reward to you are..."
"Money?" Beavis asked.
"Chicks?" Butt-head added.
"Yah yah AND BEER!" Beavis shook his hands quickly.
"Clothes." Rarity smiled.
Beavis and Butt-head frowned.
"Pinkie explained that you came here to Ponyville with no provisions and since she got you two a job, you are going to need to look nice around Ponyville for any occasion." Rarity walked over to one of her work desk to grab a notebook and pencil. "Now I'm sure you two heard about my services?"
"Uh... services?" Butt-head chuckled.
"She means in clothing you silly fillies." Pinkie giggled.
"Why? What did they think I meant?" Rarity turned her head to Pinkie. Pinkie shifted her shoulders but gave a poor poker face, Rarity shook her head and went back to face the two. "So you two have anything in mind?"
"Uh... no." Butt-head replied.
"Are you sure? It can get dreadfully cold here in Ponyville." Rarity cupped her own chin with her hoof and took a good look at what they were wearing currently, "My word it looks like those clothes you're wearing haven't been washed and ironed in months." (Try eighteen years). Rarity walked around the two again and again looking at all angles. "I think I got a few things in mind since I figured those logos on your shirts have something to do with your interests. Music am I right?"
"Uh yeah... ACDC rules." Butt-head said proudly.
"YEAH YEAH METALLICA ROCKS!" Beavis shook his hands violently again.
Rarity was taken back, hoof rested on her chest; "Such excitement from you two." She smiled and etched down some notes, "Just giving some warning, I never heard of these bands so law suits are pretty fierce here so I'll just base your new designs off your current designs."
"Oh yeah... Law suits are a bitch." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah. Eh heh heh heh. That fat lady tried to sue Burger World one time because her coffee was too hot or something." Beavis tried to remember the past event.
"Yeah because you dropped it on her lap. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
"The cup was too hot damn it!" Beavis yelled, "Why couldn't she just order a lemonade!"
"Uh... we don't see lemonade back at Burger World Beavis. You just pissed in a cup and threw ice in it." Butt-head laughed.
"It's really good." Beavis chuckled.
"Uh... okay Beavis. Uh huh huh." Butt-head ignored his friend.
Rarity looked at Pinkie Pie again, "They're not too bright are they?" She asked.
Pinkie Pie gave a creepy smile and tilted her head, "Why do you ever mean Rarity?"
She looked back at the two, "Well boys I need you to stand over there as I take your measurements." Rarity pointed to a couple of modeling stands.
"Eh heh heh. She's going to measure our schlongs." Beavis chuckled as he walked over to the stand.
A few hours later...
Rarity let out a huge successful sigh, "It took three hours but I finally got the measurements."
"Hey Butt-head?" Beavis turned his head, "Did this pony touch your nads?"
"To make sure your pants won't be tight in the crotch dear." Rarity butted in as the two laughed historically, "Now you two I need colors you like."
"Red. Grey. Uh huh huh." Butt-head answered.
"Blue. Grey. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
Rarity raised an eyebrow, "All of them those colors?"
"Damn straight." Beavis said proudly.
Just then Fluttershy entered the store quietly and stood behind the two not making a peep. Within the moment Rarity noticed Fluttershy peeking underneath Beavis's legs and waved. "Fluttershy darling what can I do for you?"
Fluttershy tried to summon her courage to speak, "Well... I was wondering..."
"Yeah Fluttershy?" Pinkie bounced up and down.
"Er..." Fluttershy mumbled, "I... I need someone to watch my animals while I go out of town this weekend."
Pinkie gasped, "I love your animals. We could have a party with them."
Fluttershy shook her head in disagreement, "Please it's... fine... Just need to get more food for my animals."
Pinkie Pie asked, "You asked anyone else?"
Fluttershy nodded her head, "I asked Apple Jack but she seemed upset that someone made a big tree crashed into her barn. Twilight is still taking care of Spike. I couldn't find Rainbow Dash... oh dear." She explained, "I really need someone to watch them or they aren't going to get any food."
Pinke Pie rubbed her chin, "I don't know if I could do it because Mr. and Mrs. Cake need help filling another large order this weekend."
"And I promised Beavis and Butt-head new outfits to be done soon. That might take all week sweety." Rarity poked her head from behind a sewing machine.
Pinkie Pie looked at the teens and rubbed her chin then back to Fluttershy, "Why not have Mr. Beavis and Butt-head do it?"
The screen zooms in on Beavis and Butt-head.
Fluttershy gave a shy smile, "I don't want to bother you two. You just came to Ponyville and... I can't let you worry about my problems."
"Uh... does it pay well?" Butt-head asked.
Fluttershy brought her hoof to her mouth and nodded, "I guess I could throw a couple bits your way."
"Great! That will give Mr. Beavis and Butt-head another good start!" Pinkie cheered.
Fluttershy bowed, "Tha...thank you so much Mr. Beavis and Butt-head." She raised her head.
Butt-head let out a huge fart.
Fluttershy ran out of the boutique scared.
Rarity raised her head and sniffed once, then twice then looked at the two.
Pinkie smiled, "I guess they release that smelly gas every once and a while."
Rarity waved a hoof around the air to blow the smell away from her proximity.
Pinkie started to cough then tried to wave back at Rarity.
Just then Sweetie Belle and the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders entered the store.
"Hey Rarity I just wanted to stop by an.." Sweetie Belle stopped herself and sniffed the foul smell.
"Did an animal die in here?" Scootaloo scrunched her face.
"Smells like one of the cow pies back on the farm." Apple Bloom stiffened a laugh.
"Eck gad... Everypony open a window!" Rarity waved the smell away from her face.
"Yeah extra spicy nachos can do that. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
Rarity wasted no time opening her windows to let out the terrible smell. "Surely you don't have to release gas often Mr. Butt-head."
"It comes when it wants to. Uh huh huh." Butt-head laughed.
"Wowwy. Fluttershy rocketed out of the place once she heard that." Pinkie looked out the open doorway to see Fluttershy still running away. "She's shy though and loud sounds scare her. She moved out of Cloudsdale to down here and lives alone with her animals."
"Uh... if she's like that... her dad must of kicked her ass back then." Butt-head replied.
"Eh yeah... he must of been like... DAMN IT FLUTTERSHY THIS BEER IS WARM! GET ME ANOTHER!" Beavis shouted while shaking his arms. "DAMN IT FLUTTERSHY I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT THERE AND MOW THAT LAWN! OH IS THAT A TEAR FLUTTERSHY? OH IS DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL UPSET? I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS INTO NEXT TUESDAY! NOW GET OUT OF HERE AND STOP ACTING LIKE A DAMN LITTLE GIRL!"
"Uh huh huh. Settle down Beavis." Butt-head chuckled.
Rarity, Pinkie, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders blinked.
"You know... knowing how meek and shy Fluttershy is... I wouldn't be surprised if her father was like that." Rarity shook her head while she started on the new clothes.
"Uh how much fabric do you have to use to make it around Twinkle Spanks fat ass?" Beavis asked.
Rarity grunted, "Twilight Sparkle is a pony that is grown to her body..." She then laughed, "But her bottom is wide."
Sweetie Belle chirped, "Yeah! You can even see it from space!"
Butt-head added, "She's so fat... she got baptized at Sea World."
Then they all laughed, Rarity was on the floor laughing so hard she nearly peed herself.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head: Do Equestria
By NocturneD
"Ummm." Beavis posed in front of the mirror wearing an outfit Rarity made for him to show off at the banquet.
"Is it not to your liking darling?" Rarity looked at the blonde with a bit of worry in her eye.
"Damn I'm smooth." Beavis tried to look closer at the mirror. He looked down at himself, "Just feels rather odd... Eh heh heh."
Rarity squinted her eyes, "Well Beavis darling I can think of one reason that your new outfit doesn't feel right."
The scene zooms out from Beavis as he backed away from the mirror.
"You're wearing your new outfit backwards." Rarity pointed out.
"Oh... eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled. His suit was indeed backwards.
"Dumb ass uh huh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
Within the minute Beavis retried on his outfit. A black casual suit consisting of a black jacket and black slacks. White dress shirt without a tie. Butt-head already had his own version on but brown along with a sweater vest.
"My..." Rarity gasped the cooed, "Now isn't that a nice change instead of wearing those old rags."
Butt-head looked into the mirror, "Watch out ladies. Uh huh huh." He chuckled then mumbled in a sly way, "Come to Butt-head."
ooo
The two changed back into their regular clothes and noticed they weren't wrinkled anymore and smelt fresher.
"Now isn't that nice of Rarity to gussy up a suit for you two along with washing your clothes?" Pinky smiled.
"Thought that poop stain on the back of Beavis's shirt would never come out." Butt-head chuckled.
"Well maybe if you bought toilet paper back at your house I wouldn't have to resort using my own shirt. Eh heh heh." Beavis shot back.
"That's... pretty gross you two." Pinky wanted to scold them for a sick story but to her, it made her snicker.
"Oh no I know grosser stuff. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
The three continued to journey their way through the streets of Ponyville. Along the way the spotted Carrot Top and looked at her cutie mark.
"Hey Butt-head... that pony got a tattoo of two wieners." Beavis continued walking.
"You know when they say it's not gay unless they touch?" Butt-head asked.
"Uh... I think they're touching Butt-head. Eh heh heh." Beavis again looked at the cutie mark.
"Then that pony has a gay cutie mark. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled faster along with Beavis.
The three went back to the Sugarcube corner to grab something to eat and work the rest of the day. The next day finally arrived for the big banquet to happen. Pinkie Pie has told Beavis and Butt-head repeatedly that it would start at one o'clock in the afternoon. There was still an hour left to go when they looked at the clock. Pinkie already laid out their suits on their beds as she was already dressed in her formal wear, figured she dress up in another dress that Rarity made for her a year ago only to have it still collect dust in the closet. Now Beavis and Butt-head are alone, Pinkie went on ahead with Mr. and Mrs. Cake to find their table as the banquet was again going to be held in front of the mayor's office.
"This sucks..." Butt-head said out loud.
"Yeah... there's nothing to do here. Eh heh heh." Beavis agreed.
"A TV wouldn't hurt. All they have are those stupid ass books that Twinkle Spermcell is trying to make us read." Butt-head frowned.
"Eh heh heh heh. You said sperm." Beavis chuckled.
"Oh yeah." Butt-head chuckled as well.
The two stood around for another five minutes not doing anything.
"Aren't we supposed to like... do something?" Butt-head asked.
"Ummm..." Beavis rolled his eyes to think, "I think that Fluttershit pony told us to watch her animals."
"That was today?" Butt-head scratched his head, "I thought Bic Sack was supposed to get us to go build him a new barn?"
"No..." Beavis picked his nose, "Wait I think we were supposed to... No wait..." He turned to see an accordion lying around, "Maybe we're supposed to bring this thing somewhere." Beavis strapped the instrument on and started playing it, terribly.
"This is stupid... let's get out of here." Butt-head walked out the door.
"Yeah... getting tired of this pony crap anyway." Beavis tossed the accordion to the side pretty rough not caring that he broke a window on his way out.
The two teens made their way out of Ponyville, sure a few questions were asked why they were heading in the opposite direction by a few ponies. They just kept on walking until they entered the Everfree forest for what seemed to be an hour. On and on they went, still chuckling until they came across a rock filled plain.
"DDDDDamn it." Beavis got angry, "If we don't find a TV or find anything cool I'm going to lose it!"
Butt-head walked onto the rock plain then looked around, "Uh... well this sucks."
Beavis spotted something sparkling, "Hey Butt-head look!"
Butt-head chuckled, "Probably a tin can or something."
Beavis walked over to the shining object and pulled it from the ground, his eyes widened, "Butt-head look! It's one of those shiny almonds!"
"You mean diamonds dumb ass!" Butt-head shouted.
Suddenly a grey paw bursted from the ground and pulled Beavis under, "AH DAMN IT LET GO!" Beavis shouted as the hand pulled him down under the ground.
Butt-head just stood there laughing, "Whoa... that was cool! It like... something pulled him down to hell." Just then another paw erupted from the ground and grabbed Butt-head instantly. Butt-head tried to swat at it but it was too late...
ooo
Meanwhile back at the banquet in front of the mayor's office. Everypony in town showed up to take part in the event. The mane six along with cutie mark crusaders were sitting up at the table of honor. The mayor was at the podium talking about god knows what. When suddenly trumpets played in the distance. Everypony stopped what they were doing...
Princess Celestia has arrived...
"Oh my gosh! Celestia is finally here!" Twilight panicked and made sure her meeting arrangements are perfect.
The princess's flying stable came to a soft landing and stepped off her chariot. Twilight and her friends came rushing up to her with glee. But she wasn't alone, soon a dark blue alicorn stepped off the chariot as well.
Celestia smiled, "Twilight Sparkle it's good to see you again."
Twilight and her friends bowed, "An honor for you to come to Pinkie's, Dash's, Beavis's and Butt-head's banquet."
"Yes I heard so much about them in your friendship reports my student." Celestia turned her head, left, then right. "Were are they?"
Twilight turned her head to Pinkie and frowned, "You did tell them to come at 1pm sharp right?"
Pinkie nodded, "I told them again and again so they wouldn't forget."
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
We Didn't Learn Anything About Friendship
Beavis and Butt-Head: Do Equestria
By NocturneD
Dark... damp... cold... that was the only thing that was left to describe.
"Ugh... eh heh heh..." Beavis squirmed on the hard stone floor. He rubbed his forehead and opened his eyes. "What the hell? Eh heh heh."
Butt-head was already awake, while sitting down with his arms resting on his knees he looked straight at the crudely shaped iron bars that the two were behind. "Well this sucks... uh huh huh."
"Where are we?" Beavis asked.
"Probably prison... uh huh huh." Butt-head looked left and right.
Suddenly the heard a weird cackle or laugh, or perhaps a trio of cackles.
"Look what cat dragged in." One of the voices said.
"Ohhh... something useful to us?" Another one asked.
"Is it me... or does that sound like that little weird dude from Lord of the Things?" Beavis turned to Butt-head.
"No butt dumpling. That's Lord of the Rings... Uh huh huh." Butt-head replied.
"You... in trouble... for trespassing!" The third voice squealed.
"Uh... okay." Butt-head answered.
One of the voices belonged to a grey creature, a diamond dog to be exact as this one wore a red vest. "We now found a new valuable item. it's shiny! It glows like sun!"
"Can we see? Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
"NO!" The red vested dog shrieked.
"What a bung hole." Beavis frowned.
"What bung hole?" Another diamond dog came out from the shadows, this one was bigger but more hunched over.
"You're a bung hole bung hole!" Butt-head countered.
"We not bung hole!" A smaller diamond dog with lighter fur hoped out from the shadows.
"Uh yeah you are." Butt-head chuckled.
"Am not." The dogs shouted.
"Are too..." Beavis chuckled.
Just then the diamond dogs responded by nearly shoving spears at the two teens' throats.
"Uh okay... you're not." Butt-head slowly chuckled.
Out of Beavis's pocket feel the horn he was keeping. It started to glow. The diamond dogs tried to reach for it but Beavis snatched it back. The dogs knew that the horn was special. The teens were chained up and being poked again and again to keep going in a certain direction. To them it felt like hours with each twist and turn until eventually the two were told to stop and watch in awe to the diamond dog's new project. Instead of smaller gems, there in a large cavern in front of them rested a building sized gem. White and pure.
"Ohhh.. pretty." The smaller diamond dog said.
"Wow... that's a big god damn gem." Beavis chuckled.
"Yeah. Imagine that going around the neck of some rapper." Butt-head added.
"Or making himself some teeth with that." Beavis chuckled.
"They make teeth outta gems?" The bigger diamond dog asked still holding his spear to Butt-head's back.
"Only if you're rich dude." Butt-head replied.
Suddenly the large pure white gem started to glow once the two teens got closer.
"Big white gem... Black horn..." The red vested dog pointed. "Glow for some reason."
"So what..." Beavis retorted.
"Bring horn and gem together!" The red vested dog shouted poked Butt-head with his spear.
"OW!" Butt-head reached for the spot he was poked at, "DAMN IT! If you poke me with that thing again I'm going to break it and shove up your butts sideways!"
"MOVE!" The diamond dog shouted.
And so the two teens did what they were told. For some reason, the aura around the horn was getting stronger. Almost like it needed the large gem to draw power from.
Beavis tried scratching himself, only for the strong iron cuffs preventing him to do so. "Damn it... I wish my nads didn't itch anymore." The horn blinked faster and faster and let out a flash of light. Beavis felt relief in his crotch, "Well I'll be damned. My nads don't itch anymore. Eh heh heh."
"Uh... really? Wish for something else." Butt-head asked.
"I wish for..." Beavis rubbed the horn.
"Uh... that makes it look like your masturbating Beavis." Butt-head chuckled.
"Oh yeah... Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "I wish for... some PORN MAGAZINES!"
Just then a giant pile of pornography magazines fell in front of the two. They bent down to look, flipped through the pages and found something wrong, "Uh... something's wrong here." Butt-head said. "These are all of horses." He turned to Beavis, "Damn it Beavis you wished for pony porn didn't you?"
"No. You heard it yourself I said I wished for porn!" Beavis shouted, just then more magazines fell in between them. More of the same unfortunately. Beavis frowned, "Ah damn it... there are probably... rules to this thing or something."
"That sucks... Uh huh huh." Butt-head frowned. "Try wishing for a TV."
"Alright..." Beavis rubbed the horn, "I wish for a TV."
Just then a forty two inch TV fell from the ceiling and landed on a random diamond dog guard.
Butt-head frowned, "Uh... maybe you should try wishing it safely on the ground or something."
"Enough! We want power!" The red vested diamond dog pointed his stick at the two teens.
"Eh... no." Butt-head replied. The diamond dogs pointed their spears. "Uh... alright then."
"We want gems! Lots! LOTS!" The smaller diamond dog jumped up and down.
"NO! WE WANT DIAMOND DOG PORN!" The large diamond dog argued.
"OHHH!" The red vested dog clapped his hands and nodded, "WE WANT ENTERTAINMENT!"
"Okay... I wish for beer! Yeah!" Beavis continued rubbing, "I WISH FOR MONSTER TRUCKS! I WISH FOR A REALLY BIG TV! I WISH FOR A COUCH! AND CANDY! AND HOTDOGS! AND NACHOS! AND TACOS! AND LOTTO TICKETS!" All that came crashing down in different parts of the large cavern.
Many hours later...
It was a hard core party wish heavy metal music blaring in the background. Beavis and Butt-head banging their heads to the music while the diamond dogs were enjoying the festive. There was drinking alcohol, playing pool, playing cards, smoking cigars, playing PAC-PONY, watching MTV like they used to. About a thousand pounds of tacos and nachos must have been consumed. By the end of the night, most of the diamond dogs were either passed out or lying around, or even drunk.
Beavis and Butt-head remained on the couch they wished for and looked at the huge mess. Beavis chuckled, "You know what Butt-head. Eh heh heh. The diamond dogs aren't that bad."
Butt-head agreed, "Yeah really. These guys know how to party." Then he frowned, "Not like the ponies were its all cutsie and friendly." A light bulb appeared above Butt-head's head then fizzled out. "Wait a minute... I think we were supposed to do something today Beavis."
Beavis chucked a taco at a nearby wall, "What?"
"I think Pussy Pie told us about a party in our honor... or something." Butt-head chuckled.
"Oh... right. Eh heh heh." Beavis realized, "We better go then."
The two stood up, "Hey what's the closets way out of here?" Butt-head asked.
The drunk diamond dogs pointed in different directions.
"Uh... okay." Butt-head said.
"Eh... that will like take too long." Beavis frowned, "I wish we were back outside."
And just then... they were outside where they first started. They agreed to go back the way they came and will visit the diamond dogs again someday. Before they zapped out back outside Beavis took a couple souvenirs like gems and a small piece of the giant white gem that managed to fall apart during the party. Before they could make it to the Everfree forest a familiar voice called out to them.
"MR. BEAVIS! MR. BUTT-HEAD!" A voice shouted.
Beavis and Butt-head turned around, both of them frowning and disgusted. Pinkie Pie and the rest came running up to them and soon the rest of Ponyville surrounded them.
Pinkie Pie hugged the two of them and wanted to cry, "ARE YOU TWO HURT? WHY'D YOU DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT?"
"Uh... sorry." Beavis was the only thing he could think of.
"We had to put the banquet on hold until we found you two!" Rarity scolded.
"I knew you two were trouble." Apple Jack gritted her teeth.
"Come on guys." Twilight stopped her friends, "We found them and I'm sure they had a good reason for being out here."
"In the diamond dog field I sure hope they have a reason." Dash crossed her ponies of Ponyville were talking among themselves not sure what to make of the situation. A job well down that they found Beavis and Butt-head and was probably kidnapped by the diamond dogs or mad that they wandered off and seemed more destructive than their worth.
The ground started to shake a little, three familiar diamond dogs bursted from the ground, the ponies were stunned but ready to stand their ground against the diamond dogs. The red vested diamond dog wobbled in front of them trying to keep his balance, "The... Diamond dogs want to..." He hiccuped, "Extend our gratitude by...by... giving you... our friendship..." Just then he barfed in front of the two then fell over to his side. The other two dogs vomited as well and gave the two teens a thumbs up before they passed out.
"COOL! Eh heh heh." Beavis smiled.
The red vested dog moaned, "If you want gems...go ahead and take what you want..." He waved then threw up again, then passed out.
Twilight and other ponies were bewildered, Beavis and Butt-head tamed the diamond dogs? Others were grossed out because of the puke.
"Those guys really know how to party." Butt-head chuckled.
"PARTY? YOU TWO HAD A PARTY WITHOUT ME?" Pinkie shouted.
"That's enough Pinkie Pie... I'm sure the two had their reasons." An angelic voice eased the tension down.
Twilight gasped, "You're still here princess Celestia?"
Celestia smiled, "Oh my guards and I participated in the search as well Twilight. Besides I heard a lot about these two."
"Well here they are." Twilight introduced her, "Princess Celestia, this is Beavis and Butt-head." Twilight tried to motion the two to bow, Celestia waved the idea.
Celestia bowed her head slightly, "It's an honor meeting you two. Twilight told me so much about you two that I was dying to see you two up close. You two are indeed not ponies but never the less I welcome all creatures in Equestria."
Beavis was too busy picking his nose.
"I have word that you two have earned the trust and friendship of the diamond dogs. That's very impressive and will be vital to ponies everywhere." Celestia smiled, "Since your time in Ponyville... have you two learned anything about friendship?" The other ponies smiled for their response.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no." Butt-head said.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Dear Princess Celestia, You Suck uh huh huh
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
By NocturneD
Celestia looked puzzled at the two. "Yes, the discovery of friendship is a rather long mysterious road you two." She smiled, "But in due time you'll learn."
Pinkie Pie spaced herself in between the two teens, "Princess Celestia?"
Celestia looked down at the pink pony, "Yes Pinkie Pie?"
"My friends here did learn that being in a new place can be strange but as long as they try hard together they are never alone. I'm willing to help and so are my friends." Pinkie chimed, "My friends are their friends."
Twilight smiled, "Pinkie that was wonderful and from the heart."
Celestia smiled, "That's a good way of thinking about it Pinkie Pie." She looked at Spike, "Spike take a letter." The dragon did so, "I Princess Celestia hereby declare the Elements of Harmony and anypony in Equestria willing to help Sir Beavis and Sir Boot-head..."
Butt-head interrupted, "Uh that's Butt-head."
Celestia continued, "To ensure their safety and to become citizens of Equestria."
The ponies around them cheered, the two teens just stood there annoyed.
Celestia wistfully concluded, "Beavis and Butt-head, I trust that you will help my student Twilight Sparkle and her friends to discovery more about friendship. I also entrust you two to write friendship reports."
Again the ponies cheered.
"Uh... I learned something." Butt-head chuckled.
"I did too. Eh heh heh." Beavis added.
Celestia nodded and waited, "Wonderful. Care to share?"
"Uh... Beavis's mom is a slut. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
Suddenly Beavis lifted one of his feet and swiftly kicks Butt-head in the testicles. Butt-head held his crotch and withered on the ground, coughing.
Beavis yelled, "Damn it Butt-head that's getting really old!"
The ponies were stunned, even Celestia and Luna with their mouths open wide.
Beavis chuckled, "Oh it's my turn I guess. Eh heh heh. I learned that... Twinkle Spickle clogged the toilet at Rarity's house the other day."
Rarity fainted at this point remembering the terrible mess.
Twilight was burning red from anger and embarrassment, "Beavis that's the worst friendship report I eve..."
"SHUT UP I'M NOT DONE YET!" Beavis shouted with his eyes enlarged and fists shaking.
"Such insolence." Luna gasped.
Celestia brought her arm to Luna's face, "No... no I want to hear more." Beavis went on and on, most ponies had a good laugh others weren't so happy. Princess Celestia took interest in the two, still scoffed at the idea of one friend hurting the other. She gave Twilight Sparkle and her friends another assignment to do. To study Beavis and Butt-head, if anything remarkable please send a letter quickly to her and arrange a meeting at the palace. Twilight wanted to give a report right away about the horn Beavis was wielding, but Celestia again told Twilight especially to keep an eye on it.
"Are you sure princess?" Twilight asked her teacher with a hint of worry.
"Don't fret my faithful student." Celestia assured hers student. "The horn could be a mere coincidence..." The princess turned her head and thought, "Or maybe something to fear if it fell into the wrong hands."
Beavis shoved the horn in his pants to make it look like he had a pointy erection.
Butt-head rose from the ground slowly, still chuckling, "I get the point Beavis."
Beavis started to rub the horn inside his pants, closed his eyes and smiled, "I wish for... some more nachos!" And poof, a tray of nachos appeared in his hands complete with tortilla chips and extra hot gooey cheese.
"Well this is enticing." Luna observed.
Beavis held out the tray and offered, "Want some?"
Luna took a single chip into her mouth, slowly letting it crunch and crunch. Her straight smirk, then turned into a happy delicious smile. "We are pleased with these nachos! We would like more!" The magic horn summoned another couple of trays, "HA HA! THE NACHOS HAVE BEEN DOUBLED!"
"Hey! Don't spoil your meal on nachos alone! I made a lot of cupcakes!" Pinkie protested.
"Shut up and have a taco. Uh huh huh." Butt-head shoved the taco into Pinkie's mouth.
Pinkie slowly munched and munched, then smiled, "Where have these been all my life?" She looked at Beavis, "Mr. Beavis summon up more tacos!" Later that night it was very gassy from all the Mexican food. Rarity never let Twilight use her bathroom ever again.
Three days later at the Sugar Cube Corner, Beavis and Butt-head were doing the morning shift again. Pinkie announced another party was going to be taking place that afternoon for Rarity's second fashion show. Famous ponies from Canterlot were invited from Hoity Toity, Photo Finish to Saphire Shores, Fancy Pants, plus more. They waited for Pinky to leave.
"Hey Butt-Head?" Beavis asked. "Why is it that this town is always throwing a party for something?"
"Uh... I dunno." Butt-head answered, "Parties are cool and everything but they do get boring because of who they throw them for."
"I know. Pinkie Pie is always making a party for the dumbest reasons..." Beavis grunted.
"What was yesterdays about? Uh huh huh." Butt-head asked.
"Eh heh heh. Probably to celebrate that she left a two foot poop in the toilet." Beavis picked his nose.
"I thought it was to celebrate that Tinkle Spray fat ass got bigger." Butt-head chuckled.
"Or maybe Spike stuck a diamond up his butt." Beavis chuckled fasted.
"Does he still want to stick his diamond up Rarity's butt?" Butt-head asked.
Beavis frowned, "That's not nice Butt-head eh heh. He really likes her or something."
"We should like... Help him with dating advice." Butt-head offered.
Beavis frowned, "Uh... I just got something... Don't you have to like... date someone already to give advice?"
Butt-head, "Well how many have you been on?"
Beavis picked his nose again, "None... you?"
Butt-head lied then chuckled, "Uh I went on like... three... Uh huh huh."
Beavis's eyes widened, "Whoa really? Well I'll be damned eh heh heh." Then his face went straight, "When was this?"
Butt-head ofcourse lied again, "Uh... When you weren't around."
Beavis asked, "So who were these chicks?"
Butt-head kept the streak going, "Uh... you wouldn't know them. They're from... Canada Dry or something..."
The two shared silence together.
"Want to make nachos again?" Beavis asked.
"Uh... I'm sick of nachos right now... Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled, "How about pizza?"
"Eh heh heh. Burgers?" Beavis suggested.
Butt-head's eyes widened, "Uh burgers sound good." His eyes went normal again then frowned, "Uh... didn't Pinkie say like... meat isn't a dell cunt sea or something?"
"Wonder where they keep the meat around here?" Beavis turned his head to look left then right.
Butt-head looked at the trash can nearby, "Well ponies practically eat flowers and crap..."
Pinkie Pie came back into the room all excited as usual, bouncing up and down, "Come on guys the morning to noon shift is over! Time to go feed Fluttershy's animals!"
Beavis and Butt-head looked at each other.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Would you like some fries with that?
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
By NocturneD
"So... where's the butt hole on this thing?" Beavis asked while looking at a particular bird perched on a branch.
"Uh huh huh. Knowing this place it probably doesn't have one." Butt-head chuckled.
Fluttershy walked up to them carrying a giant bag of bird sees. She spit it out onto their feet and smiled, "I want to thank you two for taking care of my animals for the day." She bowed her head graciously and smiled, "Canterlot has the finest food for some of my animals and some of them are picky eaters. They want the finest food."
"Well that's a bitch. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
Fluttershy maintained her positive mood, "I left a list of instructions of what food goes to what animal. Especially my bunny Angel. He really likes carrots but can be stubborn at times."
The two teens looked at the white rabbit who was sitting on a lawn chair reading a book and enjoying sipping on an ice tea with a straw.
"Any questions?" Fluttershy asked.
"Uh yeah. Where's the butt hole on these things?" Butt-head asked.
Fluttershy stared at the two confused, "Um... butt hole?" She scratched her head, "Well if they have to poop don't be afraid to use the pooper scooper and throw it away in this special garbage can. Apple Jack usually takes it to fertilize her crops. There's another one next to it just for trash. That one needs to be taken to the curb after you're done tonight so the garbage pony can pick it up tomorrow. Also, some animals should not be next to each other like cats and birds, dogs and cats, fish with my hawks."
Beavis raised his hand.
"Um... this isn't school so what's your question?" Fluttershy asked.
"Why doesn't Apple Jack just fertilize her crops herself? Eh heh heh." Beavis asked.
Fluttershy stood there in question, "What do you mean?"
"I thought horses usually just take a dump anywhere they want." Beavis chuckled.
Fluttershy blushed, "Oh no no. We got bathrooms usually everywhere. That's why everything is so clean."
Beavis frowned, "Well I guess that's okay."
Fluttershy turned to Angel, "Now Angel. You be good for our guests okay?" Angel ignored her.
Fluttershy finally left before giving her animals a fine farewell assuring she'll be back the next day. Beavis and Butt-head just stood there for about five minutes.
"What are we supposed to do again?" Beavis asked.
"Uh... I think it was..." Butt-head tried to think. "Uh... Hmm... I dunno."
"This sucks... let's go fool around with the animals." Beavis wandered over to the birds that were perched on a nearby branch. A whole row of them singing a nice tune. Beavis stood there and chuckled. They sang wonderfully, "Hey... sing some Ozzy. Heh heh heh."
Angel looked up from his book and shook his head then went back to reading.
"Hey Beavis! Check this out!" Butt-head called from beside the chicken coop.
Beavis walked over to the chicken coop and asked, "What? Eh heh heh."
"Uh huh huh. Look." Butt-head pointed.
In front of the chicken coop was a chicken getting humped by a rooster. The two didn't need an explanation, they were watching a mating habit and laughing their asses off.
"Yeah that rooster is getting snuffed." Butt-head chuckled.
"Eh heh heh. I can watch this all day." Beavis said.
3 hours later...
The mating was long over but the teens still laughed.
"Eh heh heh. Yeah!" Beavis chuckled.
A light bulb lit on top of Butt-head's head, "Hey Beavis. I think I remember what we were supposed to do."
"Eh heh. What?" Beavis asked.
"We probably supposed to make all the animals mate with each other." Butt-head chuckled.
"Really?" Beavis scratched his head, "I thought we were supposed to kill the animals and use their bodies as hamburger meat?"
Angel peeked his head out from the book.
"What are you talking about?" Butt-head chuckled.
"Damn it Butt-head I'm hungry." Beavis said walking over to the bird seeds then scooped up some with his hand. "Think I'll have some of these sunflower seeds." He shoved them into his mouth. He chewed, the paused. His face turned to disgust and spit out the seeds. "GAH! This tastes like crap!"
"Uh huh huh. You dumb ass." Butt-head chuckled, "That's like for the birds I think."
Angel went back to reading his book again.
"Wait. I think we're supposed to feed the animals." Butt-head recalled.
"All of them?" Beavis asked.
"I guess." Butt-head answered. "Just carry the bag of seeds over to the birds and I think that will cover it."
Beavis did what he was told and carried the sack of bird seeds over to the area with the birds. Unfortunately, he tripped over his own untied shoe lace and fell face forward with the seed bag exploding all over him. The birds looked hungrily at him and dove down onto him. Pecking at him. Beavis screamed and tried to swat the birds away. "GAH! BUTT-HEAD HELP!" he screamed. Butt-head just stood there and laughed. Angel sighed and put his book down, hoped out of the lawn chair and grabbed a broom. He hoped over to Beavis and started swatting at the birds. "Ah swat faster you butt munch!" Angel looked at him with cold black eyes and started hitting Beavis instead.
"Uh huh rabbit is cool." Butt-head chuckled.
Angel wasn't really in the mood. He knew two idiots when he saw them. The birds finally flew away from Beavis and he laid there with red scratches all over his exposed skin. Butt-head pretty much took whatever food was left and threw it at the animals and figured whatever the hell they ate they can take whatever they want.
"Done. Uh huh huh." Butt-head looked at the huge mess the animals made. Apparently listening to directions wasn't Beavis and Butt-head's strong suit. Animals were scattered all over the place running loose and wild. The dogs started to attack the cats, the cats started eating the birds and fish, the birds either flying away or pooping all over the place in fright. It was chaos. Suddenly some of the animals ran out into the street only to get plowed over by an oncoming moving truck. The driver tried to stop but then ended up plowing into the fence protecting Fluttershy's animals. It kept going, the driver tried to brake but couldn't in time as he crashed into the cottage of the flying pony then bursted into flames. The animals were even more freaked out than before. Some of them caught on fire and scurried off into the Everfree forest only to catch some unfortunate trees on fire. Beavis recovered at that time to see the trees and cottage set a blaze.
"Ohhhh..." Beavis widened his eyes and formed a devilish smile, "Fire. Eh heh heh."
"Uh... Hmmm..." Butt-head pondered at the flaming wreckage.
Angel looked up at the two teens then back at the destroyed cottage, he had to admit though. It was cool.
Unfortunately for their luck. Fluttershy returned, "Excuse me but I forgot my..." Her eyes snapped at the wrecked cottage and most of her animals were dead, guts splattered everywhere as she could tell from the treads on the truck smearing blood everywhere. Her mouth wide open in shock. Apple Jack arrived a minute later to find her friend in complete shock. She looked at the destroyed cottage and didn't even have to think twice.
"WHAT IN TARNATION HAPPENED HERE?" Apple Jack shouted.
"Uh... it was the truck's fault." Butt-head chuckled.
"HOW LONG AGO DID THIS HAPPEN?" Apple Jack asked.
"Eh heh heh. Just a minute ago." Beavis chuckled.
"YOU TWO WAIT HERE WHILE I CALL FOR HELP!" Apple Jack ran off.
"Uh... okay." Butt-head replied.
Apple Jack raced off to get help. Within the twenty minutes fire ponies arrived to take care of the fire. Many onlookers watched. Beavis and Butt-head just stood there as usual.
"So did you two know how this happened?" The fire marshal pony asked.
"Uh... yeah, Fluttershit asked us to feed her animals for money but then a truck came out of nowhere and crashed into her house." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yup... I think that driver was drunk or something." Beavis added.
"Well that makes sense..." The fire marshal pony took into account. He looked down at Angel, Fluttershy's sole surviving animal. "Is that what happened?"
Angel looked at Beavis and Butt-head. He didn't like them that much, but then again he didn't like the other animals either. He nodded his head and vouched for them. Fluttershy on the other hand was still in shock. Her friends wasted no time trying to comfort her. The crowd died down, Rarity insisted on Fluttershy and Angel stay with her. She did represent generosity after all. Taking whatever that wasn't burned or broken with her. They left Beavis and Butt-head still standing there.
"Hey Beavis..." Butt-head noticed.
"Yeah?" Beavis asked.
"There's like tons of animal meat all over the place." Butt-head observed, "Those dumb ass ponies didn't even clean up the mess. So you know what burgers are made out of right?"
"What?" Beavis picked his nose.
"Meat dumb ass." Butt-head walked towards a pile of splattered meat.
"Oh yeah. Eh heh heh." Beavis looked around, "So how do we get this meat back?"
"We need like... something to carry them in." Butt-head saw the two trash cans Fluttershy pointed out earlier.
Not too much later. Beavis and Butt-head carried the trash cans back to the Sugar Cube corner and started to make burgers. They spent the rest of the day pounding and tenderizing the remains until they became burgers. Or something resembled burgers. The bread was easy to get, Sugar Cube Corner practically makes breaded treats. Ketchup and mustard, again easy because there was going to be some at every table that was set up.
The fashion show was pretty much Ponyville's main concern as they focused on making a huge stage to Rarity's liking to show off her latest designs. Pinkie was going to be in the show along with some other ponies so she had barely anytime to monitor Beavis and Butt-head. Fluttershy pretty much wanted to sit it out because of the food she had to go to Canterlot to get, guess she won't be going anytime soon, now traumatized.
The two teens dressed in their best clothing that Rarity made for them and carried trays and trays of burgers and set them on the entree table for the guests. Beavis spoke up, "You know... it feels good to help."
"Yeah... getting paid rules." Butt-head chuckled.
"Hey guys. How's it going?" Rainbow Dash trotted up to the table dressed in another outfit Rarity made.
"Uh... pretty good." Butt-head replied.
"You guys aren't bothered by Fluttershy's cottage exploding are you?" Dash asked.
"No..." Beavis chuckled.
Dash raised an eyebrow, "You guys really know how to keep it cool." She looked at the burgers, "What are these things?"
"Uh... hamburgers." Butt-head chuckled. "Pretty much we make these all the time at Burger World."
"Huh?" Dash kept looking at the burgers, "They do smell nice though." She frowned sadly, "But Rarity would kill me if I got anything on my dress."
"Oh come on." Beavis said quickly, "What Rarity doesn't know won't kill her."
Dash smirked, "You're right." She took a burger with her hoof and slowly bit into it. Munch, munch, and munch, "Not bad actually... I swear it tastes like either chicken or steak... i can't tell." She looked up, "Is it supposed to be crunchy?"
"Uh... yeah... I guess. Uh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
"Well with those nachos you brought here. I won't doubt you." Dash took another bite.
Dash somehow caught the attention of some of the other ponies. Soon they formed a crowd around the entree table. Even the famous pony Hoity Toity walked up to the table and observed the strange food. Soon Fancy pants joined in. He looked at one of the burgers with an inspecting eye and tasted it. He smiled. That was enough for the ponies to start grabbing them. Even Rarity had sneaked off stage to see what the commotion was about. Each pony atleast had one burger on their plate and went to sit down at their tables as the fashion show was about to start.
Spike came on to the stage and announced the start of the fashion show. Lights flared and the music started. Many ponies came out onto the stage and gave a good walk down the cat walk. Rarity herself was part of it along with being good friends with Fleur De Lis, she was also part of the show. The turn out was great, seats full. VIPS ofcourse were in the front. Rarity walked out first, gave a simple pose for the cameras to take pictures. She smiled, but it wasn't a fashion smile. Looked more like, work through the pain smile. Fleur had her turn after Rarity, she turned more heads than Rarity did. Again she gave a weak smile. Next was Rainbow Dash. Only she couldn't walk straight. For some reason, she was wobbly and her face was green.
"I do say. Wonder what's wrong with her?" Fancy Pants wondered.
"I don't know but already she's going to cost Rarity points." Hoity Toity adjusted his glasses the felt the lower part of his stomach rumble. "Those orderves earlier certainly did a number on my digestive track." His stomach rumbled louder.
Rainbow Dash stopped at the end of the cat walk hovering over Photo Finish and Sapphire Shores. Rarity was calling to her to come back to the exit but suddenly felt sick herself. Rainbow Dash moaned then lowered her head. She wanted to lie down but sickness quickly caught up to her.
"Hello diz stage is dat way." Photo Finish pointed trying to help the sick pony.
But it was too late. Rainbow Dash puked all over Photo Finish. The photographing pony stood their. Stunned. Then felt sick herself in returned barfed. The sight was too atrocious. Soon Hoity Toity puked as well. Then Fancy Pants tried to turn his head and vomited too. Pony after pony barfed all over the tables and floor.
Rarity was crying that her show started to flop. Tears stained her face then she lowered her head quickly to vomit as well. Almost every pony barfed from either being sick or just looking in disgust.
Beavis and Butt-head stood there.
"Hey Beavis." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah?" Beavis asked.
"You did remember to clean out the trash can before you put the meat in it right?" Butt-head asked.
"Did you?" Beavis asked.
"Uh... I don't remember." Butt-head chuckled.
Twilight was practically crawling on her knees, her stomach hurt and her face was a mess. Her dress was covered in puke. She crawled towards Derpy who turned out to be just fine. "Derpy... how come you're not sick?"
"I gave my food to Rarity's cat." Derpy smiled.
Opal then puked all over herself while Rarity cried about her reputation and barfed at the same time.
Unknown to the others, a serpent like figure sits in the darkness watching. He chuckled while sipping his drink with his eagle claw, "Now this... this is chaos."
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
By NocturneD
About a good majority of the ponies got food poison that day. Rarity's show was a disaster. The stage and guest tables were covered in vomit. The two menacing teens just stood there by the table, acting like they usually did. Some ponies were moaning in pain in front of them. Bon Bon was trying to regain her balance using the entree table but fell over due to dizziness and feeling light headed.
"Uh... hmmm." Butt-head pondered, "Guess the show sucked after all."
"Yeah. Eh heh heh. "Beavis chuckled. "Rarity needs to like... make sure ponies don't get sick... or something."
Then a flash of light erupted in front of their faces. The moaning ponies stopped crawling. Stopped breathing. Pretty much stopped moving in motion.
"Eh... who hit the pause button?" Beavis chuckled.
Suddenly they heard clapping. Whistling. And laughing.
"Uh... Was that you Beavis?" Butt-head asked. Beavis didn't move, obviously it wasn't him.
"Bravo. Bravo!" The voice hollered.
"Uh... okay." Butt-head said to himself.
"I have been admiring your work." The voice swirled around them, feeling something like a serpent. "Just two human boys can cause so much vandalism and chaos to a little community." The voice no longer echoed as the source was right in front of their face. "I wonder... how were the lives back home feel about your constant trouble making?"
"Uh... well the ponies here aren't big ass wipes like the people back home." Butt-head answered. "But they still suck. Uh huh huh."
"I don't like Tinkle Spermicus. She's an annoying know it all." Beavis frowned.
"Yeah really. She has to like throw her... uhhh... two and half cents in every conversation." Butt-head explained.
"Plus her butt is too big." Beavis chuckled.
The voice roared in a fit laughter. "Oh... ho ho. Twilight Sparkle is indeed a party pooper."
"You said pooper." Butt-head chuckled.
"Eh heh heh. But first he said poop." Beavis pointed out.
"So indeed I have." The voice agreed. "I just wished the ponies learned to relax and enjoy chaos instead of running around screaming and crying they want harmony."
"Yeah... Every body here is a dumb ass." Butt-head chuckled.
"I think the term you wanted to say was pony, not body." The voice corrected.
"Uh. No." Butt-head replied.
The owner of the voice sighed, "You two are a piece of work you know."
"Yeah. People back home used to call me a piece of shit all the time." Beavis chuckled.
"Your vocabulary intrigues me." The voice pondered, "Seem harmful, yet don't feel like they do. Only to either get your point across but in most times are funny. I do like the word... butt munch."
"Free country." Beavis chuckled. "Use it."
"I honor your kindess. But love your ruthlessness." The voice was pleased.
"Uh... Thanks." Butt-head chuckled.
"Oh how rude of me, I forgot to introduce myself." The voice explained, "I am the god of chaos... many ponies say I'm the agent of disharmony. I am, Discord." With a puff of smoke appeared the mismatched serpent.
"Discock?" Butt-head eyes widened and chuckled.
"Discord you simpletons." Discord frowned.
"What do you know ass wipe?" Butt-head shot.
"I know everything about this world and yours... butt munch." Discord smirked.
"Oh yeah?" Butt-head asked, "Did you know Beavis's mom is a slut?"
Discord nodded his head, "Oh definitely. I could tell she's one that has been around the block." He snickered, "You sure do give that poor old fellow Tom Anderson a run for his money. Breaking into his tool shed and taking advantage of his possessions."
"I usually whack off in his tool shed." Beavis chuckled.
"Oh believe me Beavis. I know. Defiling his property." Discord coiled himself around the two and smiled, "I also know about your first night at little bubbly Pinkie Pie's little business of Sugar Cube Corner." He stopped, "Then I wonder how the ponies here are too slow to catch on with your actions." He smiled at Beavis, "You enjoyed the whacking huh?"
"You knew I was whacking?" Beavis eyes widened then chuckled, "No way. I had the covers over me."
Discord slowly eased away from the two teens then stood towering above them. He snapped his fingers and poof, out of nowhere came a television remote. "I'm going to cut to the chase you two." He said proudly, "I noticed that you came into possession of a horn. A horn that acts like a conduit, sort of like a philosophers stone that allows to wish for one's own desires. Only that there is a flaw." He nearly pressed his own face against the two, he smile devilishly, "The horn can either work of two ways. One of running of one's magic and mental capacity."
"Uh... Beavis really isn't too smart." Butt-head interrupted then chuckled.
Beavis frowned, "Shut up Butt-head."
Discord chuckled himself, "Yes I can tell Beavis here isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. But anyway." He snapped his fingers and summoned a cloud while still twirling the remote in his hands. "And the second way to use that horn is to use... some sort of source that expels magic. And since I know that you two were in that diamond dog mine, that giant white gem gives off a surge of magic." Discord fell backwards and sat on the cloud. "But in other words boys. You're basically running around using an alicorn's power." He gave a wicked smile, "And since I only know of one alicorn that can grant wishes, I take it you're from the same place she was from."
"You mean that pony with a schlong on its head back at the museum is a girl?" Beavis asked, eyes widened then chuckled. "I'll be damned."
Discord frowned, "I guess you never heard of the phrase, too dumb to live?" He shook his head. Again snapping his fingers this time he summoned a couch and made the two teens sit. The two didn't complain, then Discord summoned a screen that they can watch off of.
"Couch is pretty comfy." Butt-head felt the cushions with his hands.
"Yeah. No spring trying to go up my butt either. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
Discord cleared his throat, "If you two are done? I'd like to show you a little something."
"Cool!" Beavis chuckled. "Are we going to see bare ass?"
Discord pushed one of the buttons on the remote then a picture showed a yellow alicorn with white wavy hair, something like Celestia's and Luna's. "As far back as it goes, me and this alicorn named Genie, we were quite the pair. Her magic was nearly infinite and thats what I needed to run Equestria with. She granted wishes to ponies of the purest heart and truly needed something to help turn their life around. Sure my power is nearly endless but my heart on the other hand." He brought his lion paw to his chest and gloated. "It was exactly what I wanted. Only problem was... she was related to the princesses. I can't remember how many family members the royal family has but I knew she was the one I needed."
Beavis was too busy digging his hand into the couch trying to find loose change.
Discord again cleared his throat and pushed another button, "So I had to come up with something cunning. I wooed her." He smiled wickedly.
Butt-head was sniffing his finger.
Discord pushed another button, this time showing a picture of the agent of chaos holding the alicorn in what you can in a romantic hold. "It took a while but she finally came around."
"Did you score?" Butt-head asked.
"Discord smirked, "If you mean score as in I used her to get my way and take everything that was dear to her. Then yes I did score." He frowned, "Though her sisters were a pain."
"Did you score with them too?" Beavis asked.
Discord stuck his tongue out like he wanted to gag, "Ugh... Celestia and me that would not work well. She acts like she's perfect but deep down she's a bitch. Then there's her jail bait sister."
"Yeah that seems about right. Eh heh heh." Beavis agreed.
"Celestia is a lazy ass hoe. She has wings but she has those two pussy whipped guards of hers pull her around." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah! Yeah! That dumb bitch is trying to make us do friendship reports or... something." Beavis chuckled.
Discord smirked, "I like you two... I'll be honest." He clicked the remote again to continue. This time it showed the alicorn transforming into a vicious version of herself. "Celestia and Luna saw past my game. But Genie actually fell for me, would do anything for, just to be with me. She finally snapped and became Nightmare Jinn. This time as the wishes she made when she was normal had no hitch, but when she's Nightmare Jinn they have side effects. If you wished for money then you'll lose it unexpectedly after awhile. If you wish for better health, then you'll die when you don't know it. Nightmare Jinn feeds off of misery and disappointment while Genie loved everything."
"I... I got a question." Beavis raised his hand. "When I wished for porn earlier and how come I got ponies bending over?"
Discord shifted his shoulders, "Maybe neither Jinn nor Genie ever saw a human to know how to process that. Or her stone body she couldn't see and only her thoughts stayed in tacked."
"But nachos are okay then?" Beavis scratched his crotch.
Discord snickered, "She can sense what your heart desires. Full of lust and wanting power. Anything that can work in this world can be brought here." He continued the little show. "Eventually Celestia and Luna used the elements of harmony to banish Nightmare Jinn or what's left of Genie to your world. Her power was just far too great for Equestria. And since the dream team was down to one, I had to face the two alone. Then sadly defeated and turned into stone. What they didn't know is that I can separate my subconscious from my body so I'm floating around for a thousand years studying the pony world." He frowned, "Though after Genie was banished... You could say, that I felt a bit lonely as she would worship me and do anything to see a smile on my face. So... from time to time I would jump from this world to yours. Have to say though." He smiled like a player. "You got some interesting things going on in your world." He leaned froward from his cloud seat. "Oh the violence, the screaming, the fire... but I got to admit, the non chaos things also intrigue me." He frowned again, "But I'll tell you this. I'm never going to Arlen, Texas ever again."
"Sounds like a stupid place." Butt-head chuckled.
"Oh believe me. I followed this one person around and he goes on an on about propane and propane accessories." Discord sighed, "I never found a person more boring than he was. Until I saw his wife. How annoying she was. And his son I wanted to bash his stupid head in." Discord did an impression using a southern accent, "That boy ain't right I tell you what." Then Discord showed a couple pictures of his trip to Cape Canaveral, after that the show was over.
"So you two probably have questions?" Discord made the remote and screen poof and disappear.
"Uh... what?" Butt-head was dazed as usual.
Beavis used the horn to pick his nose.
Discord frowned, "Beavis as much as I admire disgusting bloody things. Picking your nose is one thing I don't like seeing. Plus your using the horn."
"So?" Beavis continued to pick his nose with the horn.
Discord curled his lip, "How Jinn doesn't explode on you I'll never know." He rubbed his chin, "She must of taken a liking to you then Beavis."
"Can't imagine why." Butt-head replied.
Beavis wiped a booger on the couch.
Discord made the couch disappear, "Alright that's it no booger wiping on my couch." He rubbed his chin again, "How you two arrived here is the question." Slowly the horn started to react to Discord's presence. He turned his attention to it, "Oh ho ho ho. Genie... or Jinn I take it that you heard everything?" The horn started to shake violently. Discord smiled like a player, "Don't worry, we'll be together again." He looked at Beavis, "Tell you what boys. Before this thing blows up in my face I want you two to do something for me."
"Will we get paid?" Butt-head asked.
"Oh you'll get paid alright. Women, booze, money, the works." Discord chuckled, "I just want you two to cause a little bit more chaos around Equestria. I am indeed here because of you two. Feeding off your actions." He smiled, "You two are actually making me stronger." He continued, "I do have something planned, and it does involve that horn." He slowly coiled around the two like a vicious snake, "The horn isn't at full power yet either as I can tell. It needs to feel more rage and feed off your selfish desires. But for right now, I'll let you continue your fun until things pan out."
"I got a question." Butt-head asked.
"Yes?" Discord tilted his head evilly.
"Can you like pick your nose with your butt?" Butt-head chuckled then joined by Beavis.
Discord frowned, "Just remember. Cause more chaos and I'll pay you greatly. If you accept my terms, keep it a secret and don't tell Twilight Sparkle and her friends." He snapped his fingers and disappeared from the teen's sight. Then the surroundings regained normal speed. The horn that was vibrating violently with dark reddish hue, now slowly with a light blue aura. The horn that carried Jinn and Genie's thoughts and soul, now scarred. Betrayed. After waiting for so long to come back to Equestria, it no longer vibrated at random times.
The ponies continued to moan and puke all over the place. Rarity was trying to regain her balance to apologize to her guests. She tried to run towards the VIP area only for her to lurch forward and trip on her own vomit.
Beavis looked at Butt-head, "You know what Butt-head?"
"Uh yeah? Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
"I sure did learn something today." Beavis chuckled uncontrollably.
"Uh... no you didn't Beavis." Butt-head countered.
"I'm serious." Beavis quickly said, "I learned that princess Celestia is a lazy ass whore."
Butt-head chuckled, "You should write that in the friendship report. Uh huh huh."
"Okay." Beavis chuckled then turned his head to Spike who was on the floor crawling in pain, "Damn it Spike! Take a letter!"
Half the ponies in town were hospitalized that night.
But Genie, the soul inside the horn... died a little inside that day...
Meanwhile in Celestia's throne room. The princess was sitting on her throne finally finishing up her business. Suddenly a letter appeared in front of her. She uncoiled it with her magic and read it. Then stared blankly at it. Confused as she glanced at it, she could closely translate the bad spelling errors and grammar. Also looked like some pony tried to draw a picture of a horse wearing a crown with a huge rear end with wavy lines implying that it was smelly.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Come to Butt-head era... Spike
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
By NocturneD
Days ago...
"Hey Beavis." Butt-head looked at Beavis, "You should try shoving that thing up the horse's butt."
"Heh heh heh. YEAH!" Beavis shouted as he ran to the back of the statue to look at the alicorn's flank end, he frowned, "Where's the bunghole on this thing?"
Butt-head followed, "Uh. You mean there isn't one?"
The two looked at the statue dumb founded, well of course they're dumb to begin with if you haven't figured that out.
"Huh huh huh. You should just make one." Butt-head added.
The horn on the other hand had other plans, the aura glowed in a mystical blue color that soon engulfed the two teens then suddenly vanished...
David Van Driessen took a head count of his students and came up two short. "Beavis?" He looked to his left, "Butt-head?" He looked to his right. All of his students but two were still following the tour guide as he talked on and on about the the art sculptures they came across. The hippie excused himself from the group and went back to the last place he saw them. The alicorn. It wasn't too far. He peaked his head in, "Beavis? Butt-head?" He called out. He adjusted his glasses and grunted softly. "Those two will never learn to stay with the group."
Then a broken painting with the frame busted into pieces. "Oh great." he muttered, "These two must of done this. No doubt." For all the time David babied the two teens, even he had his limits when they destroyed his eight track collection. The alicorn statue was still there. Still in its stance. Ands till giving off a weird feeling. David already made his statement clear, he didn't like the bad chi it was giving off. But for some reason, he couldn't stop looking at it. He rubbed his chin while looking at its head. Then he noticed, "Didn't that thing have a horn earlier?" The horn was indeed gone. Looked more like it was busted off. David shook his head, "Great... two pieces of art we might have to replace."
David made a full one eighty and stepped out of the alicorn room. He didn't want to be in there. But why did he get the sudden feeling that he was being watched? Again finding his two students was his first priority. He called out again, "Beavis! Butt-head!" His voice only echoed, only for a worker told him to shush in reply. He apologized and asked the museum employees if they saw Beavis and Butt-head anywhere. They all said no or haven't seen them. He lowered his glasses and pressed his index finger and thumb between his eyes. Next he asked the security guards if they could help him find his students. Again, this was a pretty lazy society. The guards just shifted their shoulders. David couldn't believe this, no one wanted to help. He searched high and low, as well as the bathrooms then outside in the parking lot. He called the police and things got settled, the field trip ended earlier than expected. Questions were asked and answered the best they could. Of course the tour guide that was leading David's class saw the broken painting and wanted retribution. The cops stepped in and tried to make sense of everything.
David pulled out his cell phone and decided he had to face the music. He phoned principle McVicker back at the school, "Yes this is David Van Driessen. Yes I know this is his time for him to take his medication and have a shot of Jack Daniels but this is important." He nodded his head as he talked to McVicker's secretary. "Mmhmm. Could you just please put him on?"
He was then greeted by a loud thud over the phone, "Uhhhhhhhhhh what?"
David cleared his throat first then spoke into his end of the phone. "Yes. This is David Van Driessan. I took my class to the museum we scheduled for today and might be coming back with two less students."
McVicker was shaking violently, "Well if its those two bastards Beavis and Butt-head then good!"
David frowned, "Yes. I did call the police and they formed a search around the museum and area."
McVicker again shook like a vibrating pen, "Uhuhuhhuhhhhhhhhhhhh... Who cares!"
They talked for a few more minutes. David gave up. He pressed end on his phone and sighed. "I'm sorry you two." He put his hands in his pockets and told the other students to get back on the bus. The police will call if they turn up any leads. Most teachers in Highland would be smiling during the drive back to Highland because of those two spawns of Satan missing. Not David, he was the only one that ever tried to reach out to them. That was his personal code of honor. He looked through the bus window he was sitting next to kept thinking about that statue. It just wouldn't leave him alone. Just then, he could of sworn he heard growling. His eyes wandered to the bus driver starting up the bus with its heavy engine fumbling.
School was finally let out that day. David canceled the after school activities he was involved in. Was pretty understandable to some of the students while others didn't care that Beavis and Butt-head were gone. He flung his back pack over his shoulder and walked out of his classroom. Along the way, the many teachers were con gratulating him. Well the one that had to teach Beavis and Butt-head anyway.
It was very out of character for even Mr. Buzzcut to throw his arm around someone and share a joyous occasion and laugh, "I thought those sons of bitches would never get lost."
David really wasn't in the mood, he let out a nervous grunt. "I'm sure they'll turn up safe and sound Brad."
"I sure hope not!" Buzzcutt roared still with his arm around David. "Those little bastards need to stay lost!"
"Yeah well... I need to go. I got to get tomorrows lesson plan ready." David slipped out of the bulky gym teacher's grasp and paced to the exit. He walked to his van and drove home. He wasn't feeling very well after that. Could be a fierce head ache. Or maybe guilt? He pulled into his driveway and bolted into his house. Slamming the door behind him.
That night... it wasn't peaceful...
He tossed and turned in his bed.
His eyes would snap open from the noises.
The temperature in his room suddenly felt dropped. He wanted to check the thermostat but something was preventing him from getting up. He could see his breath. He rolled over to his side. Wanting to believe something wasn't there. It was childhood all over again. Fear of something lurking in the dark. His window shutters made clanging noises at night due to the wind. That was excusable. Did he remember to close one of the windows. He wasn't sure.
*CRASH*
David gasped. He reached for his baseball bat he kept by his bedside.
David's eyes widened. Something was making heavy footsteps in his house.
"Where is my horn..."
He nervously twitched. The steps he knew went into the open areas of the house but then started up again by walking through the hallways slowly.
"Where is my horn..."
It sounded like it was coming from somewhere outside his room. The voice was horrific, almost demonic but was indeed female. The steps then stopped at his bedroom door. David clutched the bat closer to him. Slowly he rolled out of bed as quiet as he could and put his back to the wall where the door would open inwards. He would have a jump on the intruder.
The door opened forcefully slamming into the wall where it would normally stop. David's heart was racing. He waited for who ever or whatever to walk in. Only thing was... it was silent. He didn't hear the breathing anymore. No more wailing for a horn. David poked his bat around the corner to feel for anything in the doorway. Nothing. He peeked his head around the corner into the hallway. Nothing.
He sighed. He walked over to his small desk and pulled out his cell phone. He had 911 already set to speed dial. He slowly paced out the bedroom door and turned the hallway light on. He looked at the weird footprint that pressed itself onto his hallway carpet. "Looks like... a hoof." Strange. He smirked and walked to his living room. His living room window was broken as like an animal bashed through it. "Dear god..." He grunted. But that didn't explain the weird voice. He dialed 911 while walking back to his room. "Yes hello, this is David Van Dreissen. I would like to report that someone broke into my house." He was about to step into his room until...
"Where is my horn..."
He stopped. The hallway light flickered on and off again. But his attention wasn't on that. It was the dark looking animal standing there. Black fur. White soulless eyes. Alluring breezing white hair and tail. Its head fixed on him. David dropped his phone in terror. The dark horse slowly walked its way toward him. Its voice sounding like a banshee demanding for something that was lost...
With a very nice view from the outside of his own house. You can hear him scream.
Days later back in Equestria...
"Guys I would like you to meet my friend Gilda." Rainbow Dash put on a half smile as she introduced her griffin friend to her human friends.
"Hey how's it going?" Beavis spoke quickly.
Gilda smugged, "Pretty well so far. Dash did mention she made some cool new friends."
"Uh. Yeah we're pretty damn cool alright." Butt-head chuckled.
Rainbow poked her head in, "So why don't we spend the day doing something together?"
Butt-head brought up, "Uh... we're supposed to be like. Helping Barney with something."
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, "Barney?"
Beavis jumped in, "Yeah yeah that purple lizard thing."
"You mean Spike right?" Dash asked.
"Oh yeah." Butt-head chuckled.
"Well I guess that seems alright. You can catch us later tonight if you want." Dash smiled.
Beavis and Butt-head made their way to the library. Spike unraveled the last of his bandages and flexed his fingers to find them in working order. Now all he had to do is put on his little suit for his date with Rarity tonight. He never been on a date before he admitted. Maybe a few friendly outings with Twilight but that was it. He was convinced by the two teens that they'll help him and maybe he can finally tell Rarity how he feels.
He got dressed and paced back and forth nervously. Twilight was going to be coming in later that night so he had the place to himself for awhile. The doorbell rang. Spike answered and right on cue it was Beavis and Butt-head. The plan was simple, the two would give Spike a Wallie-talkie so they can tell him what to do. The plan set in motion. Spike went to Rarity's house with selected flowers he pulled out from a nearby garden. A couple daisies, then maybe a couple of weeds. He gave Rarity the flowers as he saw she was dressed in her best outfit. Apparently she decided to give Spike a chance and see what he has to offer. But with Beavis and Butt-heads help, that offer might go sour.
"Okay Spork... Go take Rarity to some place to eat. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled into the device.
"It's Spike." Spoke from his end. Only problem was, Spike didn't have a lot of money on him to go to those fancy places Rarity was so accustomed to. So he took a gamble and took her to pony version of Subway. Her response, was merely a giggle. But a giggle as in disbelief but still was charmed by Spike's decision. He was a baby dragon after all.
They stood in line what seemed to be like ten minutes. Spike was nervous, "Um. Are you enjoying yourself Rarity?"
Rarity let her eyes wander left then right. She never really care for these places but she's willing to give this a chance. "I am Spike. Don't worry." Beavis and Butt-head were standing a few ponies behind the two. Beavis was getting hungry while Butt-head was playing around with the device some more.
"Um. I'll have an LT on Italian please." Spike looked at Rarity, "Order anything you like Rarity."
Rarity smiled, "I would to order your finest salad."
"Now whip out your schlong Spike!" Beavis shouted and waving his arms violently.
Butt-head smacked Beavis across the face, "Not now dumb ass." he chuckled, "You got to like play it slow for these kinds of chicks."
Beavis rubbed his face, "Oh... sorry about that."
Spike and Rarity eventually got their food after messing up his sandwich five times because the employee was slow as hell. The two sat down near a window that had a pretty nice view of Ponyville in its twilight hour. The lights were coming on one by one to give it that romantic feel. The purple dragon unfolded his sandwich and ate happily. Rarity slowly ate her salad.
"So Rarity?" Spike mustered up his courage.
"Yes?" Rarity asked.
"Um. Are you?" He blushed. "Having a good time?"
Rarity didn't beat around the bush, "For a little thoughtful guy like you I am."
Spike smiled, "Really?"
"Sure." She nodded, "Even if you're not the richest, you sure know how to pick a sanitary place for me to enjoy in."
"Hey Butt-head!" Beavis chuckled, "I think I just saw a cockroach!"
"Uh. That's pretty cool." Butt-head chuckled.
"Cockroach?" Random ponies screamed. Suddenly the restaurant was nearly empty except for the four and worker behind the counter.
"Good work Beavis." Butt-head chuckled, "Now there's no line." The two stepped up to the counter to order.
Later that night. The two continued to follow Rarity and Spike around. Rarity wasn't stupid as she knew Spike was getting help from his little radio emitting static and chuckling. Spike being able to afford a cheap nite because he was still a kid flew with the white unicorn. Next was the movie. The choices were, "Puff Come Home" a total kids movie or "Dawn of the Pony", a zombie film. It was obvious what Spike wanted to see, Rarity unfortunately had to buy the tickets since he was underage which was embarrassing for the little dragon. Rarity excused herself to use the restroom before the show started.
Beavis and Butt-head came up to the dragon after buying a bucket of popcorn. They explained something rather odd to him, "So why do I want to cut a hole on the bottom of the bucket for?"
"Don't be stupid Spike." Butt-head chuckled, "It's obvious for you to put your..." The two looked at Spike's crotch. "Uh... hmmm... maybe this won't work after all."
"What won't work?" Spike asked again.
"Hold on I got an idea." Butt-head chuckled. He looked at Rarity's diet soda that Spike got for her. He turned to Beavis, "Hey Beavis. I need that stuff you bought in the bathroom."
Spike's eyes bugged out, "Wait guys you aren't going to..."
"Damn it Spike do you want to score or not?" Butt-head asked in a commanding tone.
"As in score you mean kiss right?" Spike asked.
Butt-head frowned, "Uh yeah sure. You might go further than that too if you're lucky."
Beavis pulled out a little wrapper with a capsule in it. Butt-head ripped it open and poured the contents into the diet soda then gave it back to Spike. Rarity came back and soon her and Spike took their seats and watched the movie.
Butt-head chuckled, "Good thing you kept that Spanish fly."
Beavis brought out something from his pocket, "Uh. This is the Spanish Fly Butt-head."
Butt-head paused, "Uh... So what did you give me to use?"
"Eh heh heh. Laxative." Beavis chuckled.
Beavis and Butt-head paused for a moment, then started laughing again.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
By NocturneD
Beavis and Butt-head; the heroes of our story decided to help the little dragon; Spike with his date. It had its awkward moments as Beavis would shout from the other side of the room for Spike to pull out his schlong in front of Rarity. But the dragon knew better, matter of fact it has been going smooth for quite awhile without the dynamic duos help. All they ever did was just watch Spike try to score with a white unicorn.
Spike and Rarity took their seats in the theater. Center seats, not too close to the screen to discomfort their own necks. Not too far out from the exit. It was just perfect. Meanwhile Beavis and Butt-head were sitting rows behind them with their own snacks that they stole from the concession stand. Dumb ass practically had his back turned as the two teens stole four plates of nachos, a giant tub of popcorn, two mega gulp colas, gummy bears, and chocolate. Practically, Beavis and Butt-head didn't even pay to get into the theater in the first place.
"Hey Butt-head?" Beavis asked, "How come like... ponies can eat cupcakes and stuff?"
"Beavis." Butt-head turned his head to his friend, "You can basically eat whatever you want here and you're asking why ponies can eat cupcakes?"
"Yeah." Beavis answered, "How come horses back home can't eat all this stuff?"
Butt-head pondered, "Uh... Hmm. Maybe they're diabertic or something."
"Remember that old fat dude that would come on the TV and say he's got dibercus." Beavis chuckled.
"That fat old fart can keep his testing supplies. I'm going to eat all the damn cupcakes, cookies, and cakes I want." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah." Beavis took a nacho chip and put it into his mouth.
Butt-head learned to his left to get his soft drink. Until his radio emitted a loud shriek that hurt every pony's ears. Because he's Butt-head he doesn't turn it off right away until he was told so. Meanwhile further down the row Spike was wondering how he was doing. Rarity seemed concentrated on the movie. Mixing eating popcorn then taking a few sips of her diet soda. Usually between dating an older woman and seeing a rated R film you would think the little guy would be enjoying himself. He knew Butt-head poured that weird powder into the drink and said it was supposed to help him score. This is where the little dragon gets confused. Score as in getting a kiss? Or score in something else? His little immature mind couldn't grease up the gears to turn in his head so he trusted the two.
Rarity would stop every so often after she would take a sip. Let the liquid swish in her mouth like as if she didn't trust in the taste. Ever notice when you so used to drinking one soft drink then get its diet version instead by accident? Yeah its like that. But it was a waste of soda if she decided to just leave it on the floor, plus it would be rude if she told Spike must of ordered the wrong soft drink. Oh well. She figured it was just a regular soda and think having a regular won't spoil her diet.
*GURGLE*
"What was that?" Spike turned to Rarity.
Rarity's eye twitched as she winced in slight pain, "Oh I'm sure it's nothing."
"JESSIE WATCH OUT THERE'S A ZOMBIE OVER THERE!" A random character from the movie shouted.
"OH NO! LARRY SAVE ME!" Another useless random character replied.
*GURGLE*
Spike turned his head, "There it is again."
"Ow..." Rarity moaned. Her face turned from assuring to in pain.
"Is everything okay Rarity?" Spike asked his date.
"Just... dandy." Rarity forced a smile. Her legs twiddled as she tried to fight the pain in her lower abdomen.
That's when it happened. Rarity watched the movie for another minute up until one of the main characters takes out a chainsaw and rips a zombie apart. Blood sprayed everywhere and organs were dropping onto the floor.
Rarity stood up in the theater practically trying to jump over Spike's direction just to get out of the row.
"Where you going?" Spike asked.
"IT FEELS LIKE I'M GOING TO GIVE BIRTH NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Rarity screamed.
Spike was confused, as the rest of the ponies in the theater.
Bon Bon tilted her head to her friend Lyra, "I didn't know Rarity was pregnant."
"Uh huh." Lyra could give zero or less craps right about now while sipping her soda.
Rarity raced to the womens' restroom and wandered inside. Typical, all the stalls were taken. Rarity shouted some obscene things and paced back and forth for a stall to be free. Another minute went by and finally a pony left the stall. Rarity wasted no time barging in practically shoving the pony out of the way. Closed the door and locked it. Another pony came out of the stall next to Rarity's and out came Rainbow Dash. The next stall after that was Gilda who came out and both approached the sink area.
"Man sounded like someone was in a hurry." Gilda chuckled.
Then all of a sudden, an eruption happened followed by a loud fart.
"Damn that sounded wet." Dash was disgusted.
"WHA HA HA!" Rarity let out her trademark gasp followed by more rude sounds.
"Sweet Celestia that smells awful!" Another pony shouted.
"Oh please Celestia let this pain go away!" Rarity moaned as her hooves stomped on the tile floor.
"Is she giving birth in there or what?" Gilda asked wanting to leave.
"Sure sounds like it when Mrs. Cake did." Dash covered her snout.
The night ended prematurely. Rarity was unable to walk home by herself because he legs went numb and complained that her ass felt like it was on fire. She was crying as well while being carried out by Apple Jack and Big Macintosh who just so happened to be there by taking the cutie mark crusaders to see the other movie. To every pony's surprise, there was no baby as some believed as the paramedics were called just in case. Just a messy toilet for a sad janitor to clean.
"So did I score or what?" Spike was left confused.
Rarity had to go home to recover. Spike stood there on the side walk with a sad look. The dynamic duo walked up to him and sad down beside him.
"So how did the date go?" Beavis chuckled.
"Well... Rarity left crying and saying her flank burns." Spike put his hands to his cheeks looking glum.
"Eh... guess you didn't score then." Butt-head pondered.
"Nope." Spike sighed.
"Well... you suck then." Butt-head chuckled.
Spike sniffed, like he wanted to cry.
"Oh come on Butt-head." Beavis said quickly, "Look at the little guy."
"Uh... Spike... since you suck at dating. We'll let you hang out with us for tonight." Butt-head chuckled.
"I dunno guys. Twilight says you two aren't the best role models." Spike responded, wiping his nose clean.
"Twilight is a know it all fart knocking butt munch." Butt-head frowned.
"YEAH! AND HER ASS IS TOO BIG!" Beavis chuckled frantically.
"No she's not!" Spike argued.
"Oh yeah." Butt-head asked, "Then how come you're her bitch?"
"Her what?" Spike asked.
"Yeah! She's dragging you around by the balls and telling you what to do all the time!" Beavis chuckled. "You need to slap her in the face and tell her to shut the hell up and make you a sandwich!"
Spike frowned, "Don't want to go that extreme."
Beavis frowned, "Well if you want to put it that way..."
A light bulb appeared over Butt-head's head, fizzling in and out. "Hey Spike. Shut up for a second okay." Butt-head chuckled, "Do you have any fishing rods?"
"For what?" Spike asked.
Beavis and Butt-head looked at each other, shaking. Both turn to you the reader and shout, "COUCH FISHING!"
For some reason the three decided on going to the library to try this stunt. The fishing poles were easy to get. Just steal them from Apple Jack's barn without her knowing. Beavis and Butt-head were sitting on the very uncomfortable couch that was old fashion. Beavis stuck his hands into the space in between the cushions.
"So how does this work exactly?" Spike asked.
"Uh you use bait and cast it out the window." Butt-head chuckled.
"Just like regular fishing." Spike caught on, "Except while sitting on the couch." He tapped his chin with his tiny finger, "What do you use for bait?"
"Anything that's inside the couch." Beavis pulled out an old half eaten muffin then slid it on the end of his hook.
"Hey I was wondering where that went." Spike pointed out.
Beavis casted his line out the window and waited.
"Um... So isn't this dangerous?" Spike asked, "What if someone actually does take the bait?"
Suddenly Beavis's line tightened, "I GOT ONE!" Beavis shouted as he started to pull back on it.
"Must be a big one." Spike observed.
After a minute of struggle, Beavis managed to pull his catch through the window and make whatever land in the bucket below the window. Apparently they caught Derpy. The grey pegasus was sitting in the bucket while eating the left over muffin.
"You caught a stupid pony." Butt-head chuckled.
"I wonder what could of happened?" Derpy stood up with the bucket still stuck to her ass.
"Watch this." Butt-head stuck a picture of Rainbow Dash on the end of his hook and let it fly out the window. After a minute of waiting, he got a snag on his line too. He pulled and pulled, they heard a small squeak.
"OW!" Shouted a small pony. "WHAT THE HEY IS GOING ON?"
"Hey it's that chicken pony." Beavis pointed out.
With another tug, Scootaloo came flying and landed on the floor. The hook was attached to her wing, Scootaloo was gritting her teeth in pain as the hook came out. "What the hey?"
"Um... this doesn't look safe you guys." Spike pointed out.
"Quit being a wuss Spike." Butt-head said while trying to find more bait.
Minute after minute, Beavis and Butt-head kept dragging in more ponies. They caught Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Dr. Hooves, Big Macintosh, Soarin, Colgate, Cheerilee, Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara then eventually Dash and Gilda.
Meanwhile outside...
Twilight was watching the events unfold as she saw another pony being dragged down the street by a fishing line, "What the hey?" She followed the trail to find out it was coming from her library. The lights were on and laughing could be heard. She just came from Rarity's house to help her sick friend out but seeing this. She had no doubt it was those two responsible for this. And pretty much she was tired of this.
She bursted through the doors, "AH HA!"
Butt-head managed to pull Carrot Top through the window.
"What is the meaning of this?" Twilight demanded.
Beavis and Butt-head knew they were in trouble. And from Twilight Sparkle surely she will lecture the hell out of the situation and make them write another report to princess Celestia.
"But Twilight they were only..." Spike tried to speak up.
"Can it Spike! These two have been brewing the pot ever since they came here." Twilight made her assistant stop in his tracks. "And you Spike. They made you throw a party in the library didn't they?"
"YAY! PARTY!" Pinky blew on some streamers.
"In my own library without me knowing?" Twilight was fuming.
Another light bulb formed above Butt-head. "Uh.. Hey Twilight. You want to couch fish with us?"
Twilight stopped, "Why would I want to do that?"
"Er... uh it's fun. That's why every pony is here." Spike tried to explain, "They came up with this awesome game and every pony heard about it!"
Beavis tossed his fishing rod to Twilight. She caught it and wandered over to the couch, "So how does this work?"
Beavis and Butt-head stood up while Spike was explaining the rules. They wandered over to the window and saw a royal chariot outside the library as it just touched down. Princess Celestia stepped off and she wasn't in a good mood. Twilight casted her line and smiled, "So... am I doing this right?"
"Uh... I guess." Butt-head chuckled while he looked out the window.
There was a huge knock at the door.
"Wonder who that could be?" Twilight asked.
Butt-head answered it, "Uh... what the hell do you want?"
Celestia stood there, not happy, "Is Twilight Sparkle in?"
"Uh... No." He slammed the door in Celestia's face. The knock was louder this time. He opened it again, "Damn it. We don't want any crap you're selling."
Celestia didn't even react. "I demand to see Twilight Sparkle immediately."
"Uh... okay." Butt-head let the white alicorn in.
Every pony gasped, Twilight was still holding the fishing rod.
"Princess Celestia? I didn't know you were coming." Twilight panicked.
"Save it young lady!" Celestia shouted.
Twilight coward back, every pony along with Spike did the same.
"I'm very disappointed in your actions lately. Clearly the friendship report is nothing but a big joke now a days." Celestia scolded.
Twilight winced, "I'm sorry but... what did I do?"
"Celestia is going to lay the smack down on Twilight's ass." Beavis chuckled.
Celestia used her magic to show her a letter that she received recently.
"But I didn't writ..." Twilight stuttered.
"It was signed by your name. And as usual you made Spike write this." Celestia explained, "Are you trying to tell me something young lady?"
"No I..." Twilight stuttered again.
"Are you not happy with my teachings?" Celestia was practically yelling now.
"I..." Twilight tried to speak.
"Then I'll give you a choice..." Celestia growled. "You come back to Canterlot and go through training all over again... or you can stop being my student!"
"WHAT?" Twilight shouted. Every pony watched in horror, Pinky was eating popcorn. "It wasn't my fault princess Celestia! It was those two!" She pointed to Beavis and Butt-head.
"Twilight it was also your responsibility to teach these two about friendship. AND YOU SCREWED THAT UP!" Celestia shouted. "You were a terrible example for these two!"
"Yeah... We like tried to learn princess." Butt-head chuckled.
"But we couldn't. She like hit us." Beavis lied.
"Yeah she tried to bite Beavis's butt." Butt-head chuckled.
Just then every pony except Celestia and Twilight were chuckling exactly like Beavis and Butt-head.
"I'm waiting Twilight Sparkle." Celestia looked down at her student.
Somewhere out there. Discord was sitting on his couch watching the events unfold on his television. He roared with laughter not because of the dynamic duo making him laugh out loud, but also victory to get rid of the element of magic. Just then he summoned a fishing pole of his own and a window to a parallel dimension.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
A Very Special Chapter Uh huh huh
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
By NocturneD
There was no doubt about it. Twilight Sparkle, star student is in trouble for failure of teaching friendship to two menacing teens. Plus a letter with a picture of claiming princess Celestia had a big ass and smelled like a dead body with her name signed at the bottom. Celestia wasn't happy. It's like going up to a lion and kicking it in the face and expecting nothing to happen.
"Well my student?" Celestia waited. You could cut the tension in the room like a knife. Twilight couldn't get herself out of this one. No pony was sticking up for her this time. For all the times they did, some reason not this time. They never saw the princess this mad before and it was possible if they spoke up they might get banished. Beavis and Butt-head just stood there as usual chuckling at the whole situation.
"You know what Butt-head?" Beavis turned his head, "This would be a lot more interesting if they were naked."
Butt-head frowned, "Beavis you dumb ass. They're already naked."
"Yeah I know." Beavis with widen eyes as he grinned, "But naked chicks."
The brunette chuckled as usual, "You should totally wish for that. Uh huh huh."
Beavis frowned, "Knowing this stupid thing it will probably turn them all into chickens. Eh heh heh."
Twilight was on the verge of tears, her lip was trembling. Both her choices put her in a lose-lose situation. She tried to ease her way out of the question but it was no use. The princess was beaming down on her with her gaze filled with disappointment and anger that could only be felt by mentor or even a parent.
"Well?" The princess asked again, still with her commanding tone.
"What would happen if I choose either one?" Twilight trembled in between tears rolling off her face then hiccuping.
"Simple. If you stop being my student of your own choice then you can go wherever you want and do whatever you want no friendship reports to make. You'll just not have my support and sponsorship." Celestia said sternly. "The other option, you'll go through retraining through each grade to understand the key aspects of magic and learn that magic is serious..."
"Uh... hey!" Butt-head called out.
Celestia turned her head. Not in the mood she set her sight on the brunette, "I hope this is important Mr. Butt-head."
"Uh... like why does she have to go through all of that crap again?" Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah isn't she already good at magic?" Beavis picked his nose.
"Indeed she is. One of my most prized students at best." Celestia nodded.
"Then uh... what does learning magic again have to do with her... Uh..." Butt-head lost his train of thought.
"I think you're trying to ask is. What does magic have to do with her problem now?" Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Well I'll put it this way. She had a job to do of teaching you two the joys and importants of friendship."
"So?" Beavis chuckled.
"But I'm feeling that you two aren't grasping the concept. Property damage has gone up ever since you two got here. Here in Equestria, harmony is kept respectfully and in check." Celestia explained.
"Not doing a very good job of it then." Beavis chuckled.
The ponies gasped.
Twilight managed to speak up, "Princess Celestia they don't mean it!"
"Uh yeah we do." Butt-head chuckled. "You suck."
"And what do I may ask am I doing so unfitting about?" Celestia asked. Her tone changed, the ponies knew she was challenging them but still kept a peaceful composure.
"Well. It's like this. The ponies go around doing things like a bunch of fart knockers and everything they do has to do with writing a stupid ass report to you." Beavis replied quickly. "And your big white ass is sitting up there in the castle probably picking your butt wondering when you're going to get the next friendship letter."
The ponies again gasped, then started shaking.
"Yeah. Why does Twinkle Spanker here have to go around being your butt monkey?" Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah yeah. Like what could she possibly write about every time she goes somewhere?" Beavis threw in.
"We had this talk before. She and her friends don't have to write me a letter all the time. Only when something of value is found." Celestia frowned.
"Yeah yeah. Like if she decided to spank her monkey one day?" Beavis asked. Then he chuckled, "Because I do that all the time."
"Spanking poor helpless monkeys really isn't worth making a friendship report about." Celestia responded still maintaining her mood. Beavis and Butt-head only laughed harder.
"Uh yeah like you shouldn't impose your will of friendship on... everyone or something." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah! That's like tyranny or something." Beavis scratched his ass.
As stupid as it sounded to Celestia, they had a point. She rubbed her chin as she turned around too look at her faithful student still a complete mess. "Twilight?"
Her student looked up. "Yes princess Celestia?"
"How about a third choice?" Celestia smiled.
Twilight almost choked up.
"Apparently you've been working to the bone. Worrying about my approval and my faith in you by constantly studying." Celestia said with sincerity in her voice.
"I'm not studying all the time!" Twilight cried, "I go out with friends just like you wanted!"
"Like I wanted?" Celestia asked, "Twilight the trip was to make friends on your own and you did. But I have to admit you made friends of all shapes and sizes. It's just." She looked back at the two menacing teens. "These two haven't gained your friendship because you haven't taken the time to understand them. Understand how they work and do. What they're behavior is like. Why do they do the stuff they do. Remember love and tolerance?"
"I do." Twilight nodded.
"Doesn't seem like you tried to gain their friendship. I think Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash beat you to it." Celestia smiled. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash gave each other a high five. "But regardless. I was a bit unfair pushing your work onto your friends as well. The point of the letters were to see if you learned anything and were having fun. If you weren't you could always tell me and I can bring back to Canterlot anytime you wanted to continue your studies. It's just the last letter you sent me was..."
Twilight beamed at Beavis and Butt-head after looking at the letter.
"I figured you must of wrote this out of anger saying you want out of here to get my attention. That you were tired of being my student and wanted to leave." Celestia said sadly, "In a way. It made me think you were ready to take on the world without learning everything that my school had to teach you. I had students before quit on me thinking they learned enough to take on the whole world."
"Why would they do that?" Twilight asked.
"I wasn't always the best teacher you know." Celestia frowned.
"But you are!" Twilight argued.
"No Twilight. There are others. Countless others over the years that were better teachers and never gave up on their students. And their students never wanted to quit. I had a few..." Celestia frowned. "It didn't end well."
"Yeah. That sounds like Mr. Van Driessan." Beavis chuckled, "He never quit on us."
"You said ON US" Butt-head chuckled, "Can you imagine him as ruler?"
"Oh god it would be like being at school forever." Beavis frowned.
"Sounds like a fun teacher." Twilight smiled.
"Hey Beavis. Remember when Mr. Van Driessan flew out the bus window and fell down a mountain?" Butt-head chuckled.
"Oh yeah! That was cool." Beavis chuckled. "What about the time he broke his neck falling off the desk?"
"Or the time the chalk board collapsed on him?" Butt-head chuckled faster.
"Eh heh heh. Yeah. Those were good times." Beavis chuckled.
Cheerilee made a note to herself to fasten the chalkboard in her classroom tighter tomorrow.
"Well Twilight. Are you ready for the third option?" Celestia asked.
"I hope it's better than the first two." Twilight thought nervously, then nodded her head.
"The Gala isn't too far away. So if you can get Beavis and Butt-head to learn one thing about friendship in time then I'll forget about your punishment about making you go through retraining. But one thing, you have to learn from them too. Learn how they function. Embrace their culture. No friendship report needed unless the same as before." Celestia smiled. "They are indeed special. I'm sure you'll learn that."
"Hey Beavis? Are you getting that special feeling?" Butt-head chuckled.
"Eh heh heh. I'm getting a special feeling in my pants." Beavis chuckled quickly. He raised his arms slightly and shook them violently as his eyes widened, "BOOOOIIINNNNGGG!" But little did he know it was the horn talking.
The ponies also joined in chuckling except Twilight and Celestia.
"I'll accept the third choice princess Celestia." Twilight said proudly. "I'll know these two inside and out. I'll do the things they do to understand and if anything happens friendship report worthy I'll make sure you'll find out."
"Very well my student." Celestia smiled, "You brought my faith back and I'm sure you'll pull it off. And I apologize for being rash earlier." The two hugged.
"Awww..." The ponies awed.
"Awww.." Beavis awed mockingly.
"Uhhhhhh..." Butt-head was disgusted.
"And so I'll be off." Celestia smiled at the two, "Beavis and Butt-head. I have to say, though your lack of linguistics were deplorable but you stood up to raise your point. And at first I thought you two were... how should I say it? Not smart?"
"Yeah we get that all the time." Beavis chuckled.
"Uh huh huh. People call us stupid all the time." Butt-head chuckled.
"But I think you're going down an interesting path. But there will be a fork in the road." Celestia nodded then left the library. Butt-head slammed the door on her ass. She gasped then frowned, "Just glad Discord isn't enjoying this." She approached her chariot and signaled her guards to fly back to the castle.
Somewhere out there. Discord did know.
"Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out now." Discord chuckled.
And as usual he was watching on his television not very pleased with the result. He threw his arms up in the air, "Oh come on! The element of magic isn't out of the picture?" He slumped further into his couch with his lip curled in disappointment, "Alright I admit it. Seeing what those two bumbling bafoons can teach Twilight might be interesting." He picked up his remote and pressed a few buttons.
"So repeat after me. Or something." Butt-head chuckled. "Uh huh huh huh."
Twilight preped herself, cleared her throat to let out a, "Uh... har har... I'm sorry let me try this again."
The horn started to vibrate in Beavis's pocket. Beavis noticed this, it was more of a pink color this time. Inside, Beavis didn't know that Genie was crying. She wanted to run up and nuzzle her dear sister Celestia who she missed for so long but she was merely just an object now. Being carried by a careless boy who only wanted selfish things but really only wanted to make himself feel pleasure, "Hey Butt-head! This thing is starting to act funny again."
Discord sat there on his couch and sighed. "I want to see the alternate ending to this part." He pushed the menu button and selected alternate scene.
Celestia and Twilight Sparkle were outside the library. Out back actually. Celestia was on top of Twilight Sparkle screaming and beating her with a rubber hose until her arm got tired. Twilight laid there battered and bruised. Celestia spit on her for the final touch. "You're no longer my student." Twilight only covered her face with her hooves to shield her face.
Beavis and Butt-head stood there watching through the window of the library. Spike watched in horror.
"Twinkle just got hosed." Butt-head chuckled. Beavis only laughed harder.
Discord raised an eyebrow, "Damn that was brutal... Not sure which ending I liked better."
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
I'll have some lemonade
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
8 years ago...
A younger and half sized version of Beavis and Butt-head were again waiting in the rain. Why waiting outside? School was let out about a half hour ago and it was supposed to be Beavis's mom's turn to pick up the two for the car pool that was rotated between parents. It was Friday afternoon. Go figure.
The two waited outside the Highland elementary school. Longer. Then longer. And longer.
"Well. Way to go butt munch your mom is late again." The younger Butt-head grunted.
The younger Beavis frowned, "Yeah well. At least my mom doesn't have a new boyfriend every few weeks."
Insults really didn't seem to hurt Butt-head as easily as it did Beavis back then. Butt-head practically knew everything that was said about him and his family is true. His mother Belle; never had a good taste in men. The woman never really could find a decent man as few times sometimes they would over stay their welcome. Sometimes they would take advantage of her money that she would save up for her son and spend it on drugs and alcohol. Or money just to get Butt-head out of the house because he was a curious young mind back then.
Before all this. The young Butt-head would always be introduced to the new boyfriend as his uncle. Uncle Bob, uncle Joe, uncle Mike, uncle Hugh, uncle Matt, uncle Rico, uncle Steve. Some of these uncles were arrested at the house for possession. Belle was also taken in and accused of holding since it was her house. Butt-head would live with his grandma sometimes. Now if you want an old fashioned grandmother. Grandma Opal was pretty old fashioned as they came but also had her problems after losing her husband took a toll on her, she just didn't care anymore. Could say that. Butt-head takes after her. Attitude and everything. Whenever people tried to insult her she had something to say back. Though the more that Butt-head noticed the more that grandma Opal would shrug off like she didn't care at times. Sometimes she would whack them upside the head with her cane if they ever did persist. She just had that commanding way that Butt-head admired. She treated her friends like her side kicks, like Beavis was to him. Sadly. Grandma Opal would suffer a heart attack later in the years. Her last words were, "Butt-head you dumb ass these aren't my heart pills..."
The two still waited outside. The rain was only dropping harder and harder on the two. They didn't wear coats or had proper equipment for the rainy weather. But still they waited for their ride home.
Just then the front door to the school opened up. A long blonde haired young man stuck his head out to see the two sitting outside. Teacher instincts kicked in as he held the door open wide then said, "Hey you two why don't come inside where its not all wet mkay?"
The two boys shivered. Looked at each other. They knew their ride wasn't coming. Probably giving head to some random guy in the car in some alleyway somewhere. Then walked back inside the school.
"My lord you two are drenched." The teacher inspected the two. "Come on let's go get you dried off."
The two didn't argue. They followed him to another classroom. Then they noticed it was one of the third grade classrooms. Beavis and Butt-head were only in the second grade at the time and heard stories about the third grade. They heard everything was supposed to be a lot cooler. But that's what everyone hears. Kids just want to grow up too fast these days.
"Now you two sit at one of the tables. I'm going to get you some towels." The blonde man assured the two as he left the classroom.
The two looked around. There were still some kids but they were busy reading. Reading for what who knows. Butt-head spoke up, "So. What's up?" Some of the kids looked up, then back down into their reading material. Was unfortunate too. The kids in the classroom knew about the twos shenanigans. Everything from throwing paint on the chalkboard to making the principal go crazy that she had to be put into a straight jacket. They wanted nothing to do with Beavis and Butt-head, the two didn't want theirs.
The blonde man came back with towels and a tray of hot chocolate for the kids. "Okay everyone. Hot chocolate with extra marshmallows." He set the tray down at one of the tables. He picked up the towels and walked over to the two and started to unfold them. "Need any help drying off?"
Beavis took one of the towels and rubbed himself off. Butt-head did the same, great full. The teacher then placed two cups of hot chocolate in front of them. He pulled a chair to sit next to the two, "Everyone help themselves. I'm just going to be with these two for a minute." The other kids wasted no time, free chocolate who wouldn't? The blonde turned to the young Beavis and Butt-head and smiled, "You two miss your bus? Or waiting?"
Beavis sipped his hot coco and smiled, "My mom was supposed to pick us up."
"Probably forgot again because of her job." Butt-head chuckled.
"Oh. What does she do?" The teacher asked.
"Um..." Beavis didn't answer.
The blonde man then picked up on this right away, "Oh I see... you know your phone number? Either of you two?"
"I think you can find my mom's number written on a bathroom wall somewhere." Beavis sipped slowly.
"Well I'm sorry little guy but that doesn't really help much. And I'm sorry your mom chose that line of work." The teacher reached for a cup of coco himself and looked at Butt-head, "What about you? You remember your number?" Butt-head pulled out a piece of paper then showed it. The teacher read it, "1-800-spank me?" He crumbled it up and just chuckled it off. "Good one little guy. Seriously you two don't know your own number?"
"Nope." Butt-head sipped his coco.
"Well. If this happens again you're welcomed here in the reading club. It's mostly with kids from different grades but it's really to show to love of reading for todays youth." The teacher explained, "We gather here everyday after school until five o'clock."
"Mr. Van Driessen, Tommy is eating paste again." A little brunette girl with glasses said while she walked up to the occupied table. She looked like she was around Beavis and Butt-head's age.
Van Driessen frowned and sighed, "Again Daria?" He looked at the two, "Excuse me you two."
That was probably the first time Mr. Van Driessen ever reached out to the two. He used to be a teacher of an elementary school then moved up to the tougher challenges of high school. Though Beavis and Butt-head always worked each teachers last nerve, David Van Driessen never gave up on the two and saw some potential in them. Each day he left his door open for the two, sometimes Beavis and Butt-head challenged his friendship by throwing books everywhere. Sometimes writing in them. But he saw that they were troubled. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
Time and time went on. Beavis and Butt-head could never catch a ride home from even their own parents. David took this upon himself to do so as drove the two to their homes. He saw what lifestyle Butt-head's household was like. Pretty average except for clothes being thrown over furniture. Uncle Sam was passed out on the floor without a shirt on. Belle sleeping on her bed, back turned to the door but didn't want to show off her black eye.
"You going to be okay?" David asked.
"Yeah. They're like this all the time." Butt-head explained.
David didn't want to leave at first but knew Butt-head could handle himself. He was used to it. He took Beavis home next. This time, looking in he was a little more appalled at the scene. Used condoms on the floor. Paint coming off the walls. A baseball bat was near the front door. Furniture was in terrible shape, even had a book to replace one of the legs. Beavis just sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. David saw a note on the refrigerator door and read it...
"To Beavis. There's dinner in the fridge. Lurve mom."
David opened the fridge and found a plate with a single cracker on it. Along with a cockroach. David slammed the door in disgust. "You got to be kidding me." Then he heard thumping coming from the next room, then moaning. "Now I seen and heard everything." He asked Beavis if he was going to be alright. Beavis just nodded and went back to watching TV. Again David had a hard time thinking that everything was alright. Sure he could call social services but he would eventually learn that they were called many times before and Beavis would end up right back in that house somehow. He got in his car to start it, pulled out of the driveway then noticed Beavis was staring out the window at him. David waved at him just to make himself feel better.
He never gave up on those two...
8 years later back in Ponyville.
Twilight Sparkle was up to her new task of studying Beavis and Butt-head. To know what makes them tick. She spent the day taking notes. They stopped in front of Cranky Doodles house.
"So what am I supposed to be doing?" Twilight asked.
"It's called Ding Dong bitch." Butt-head chuckled.
"I thought it was called Ding Dong Ditch?" Beavis chuckled.
"Uh huh huh. You said dong." Butt-head pointed out. The two laughed harder.
"I don't get it." Twilight looked puzzled. "But... how does this ding dong work?"
"Uh... You walk up to the front door. Ring the bell then run." Butt-head explained.
"But how is the pony going to know who I am if I run before they answer the door?" Twilight asked.
"Uh. That's the point dumb ass." Butt-head chuckled. "Now go up there and try it."
"Alright then. Here goes nothing." Twilight marched up to the door. She ran the door bell then looked back at the two. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"Run butt dumpling!" Butt-head called out from behind a tree.
Just then Cranky Doodle answered the door. "Oh. Eh you're one of Pinkie's friends aren't you?"
Twilight turned around then blushed, "Oh yes. Mr. Cranky Doodle. Pinkie Pie uh... just wants to say hi."
Cranky Doodle frowned, "Yeah well. Tell Pinkie she said hello a billion times before." He sighed, "Need anything?"
"Uh no. Sorry to bother you." Twilight turned and ran towards the two. "So how was that?"
Beavis frowned, "You're going to need some work on that."
Twilight lowered her head in disappointment, "I'm sorry. I'll do better next time."
"Yeah well maybe there won't be a next time." Butt-head chuckled just to intimidate Twilight.
"Please I need to do this!" Twilight pleaded. "Princess Celestia is counting on me!"
"Alright then. Uh... get us some nachos then." Butt-head demanded.
"Can't you wish for some nachos?" Twilight asked.
"Who's the teacher here?" Butt-head frowned.
Beavis shook violently, "GET US SOME NACHOS DAMN IT! OR I'LL REPORT YOU TO THE PRINCESS SO SHE CAN TAKE YOU OUT BACK AND KICK YOUR ASS!"
Twilight got scared at the mention of an upset princess then ran to the general store. Beavis started to laugh. Butt-head turned his head, "Beavis. That was pretty damn cool."
"Thanks." Beavis chuckled.
After a nacho break. The three head over to the Sugar Cube Corner. No reason given. Pinky Pie was sitting at the front desk looking bored. She saw Beavis and Butt-head enter, "Hey you two!"
"Hey how's it going." Beavis replied quickly.
"Oh it's so dull. Not a lot of ponies are coming in to buy anything." Pinkie pouted.
"Slow day?" Twilight asked.
"Uh huh." Pinkie nodded, "Also Mr. and Mrs. Cake ran out of the good stuff so I can't make my special desserts."
"So where are they now?" Twilight asked.
"They went out to get more. Should be back later." Pinkie fumed but then smiled, "Atleast Pound and Pumpkin cake are keeping me busy." A small pegasus and little unicorn were playing on the green round rug in front of the counter with various toys. Beavis and Butt-head were aware of the cake twins but never really interacted with them much since they were always at the front desk selling stuff. She heard a DING from the kitchen. "Can you three excuse me?" Pinkie went into the back room to do whatever.
Beavis and Butt-head looked down at the cake twins. The twins looked back up at Beavis and Butt-head.
"Uh... what are you looking at? And stuff?" Butt-head chuckled.
"They're just babies Mr. Butt-head. Don't think you have to insult them." Twilight explained.
"So? They don't know what I'm saying." Butt-head countered.
"Can some pony help me back here?" Pinkie called from the back room. Beavis and Butt-head walked in and found Pinkie trying to fool around with the oven. "This stupid oven. Some reason the gas isn't on."
"Have you tried sticking your butt in there and cutting the cheese? Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.
Pinkie rubbed her chin, "Don't think cutting the cheese right now is going to help." She looked back at the oven, "Can one of you two help me move this thing to see if the gas line is okay?"
"Uh... Okay." Butt-head agreed as he pulled the oven away from the wall. "Uh... Hmm..."
The cable connecting the oven to the wall was leaking gas.
Pinkie poked her head in, "Oh this looks bad. But I can't quite make out where the leak is coming from."
"Here I got a light." Beavis took out his lighter.
The camera switches the scene to the outside of the Sugar Cube Corner as the back corner explodes. Beavis, Butt-head and Pinkie stand there with black smog covering the front half of their bodies. Twilight raced in to see a giant hole where the kitchen wall used to be.
About an hour later...
Mr. and Mrs. Cake were looking at the damage. Mouths wide open, eyes in disbelief. The two teens, the ponies and the twins were sitting at the kitchen table as Mr. and Mrs. Cake came back to see if any pony was alright. The fire department was called of course along with the insurance agency.
"So let me get this straight. You two came into my kitchen and then you blew it up?" Mr. Cake asked the four.
"No it was a gas leak Mr. Cake." Pinkie smiled.
"Well regardless I'm glad no pony was hurt." Mr. Cake looked back at the huge hole.
"Oh you poor sweet dears can I offer you some lemonade?" Mrs. Cake said sympathetically.
Mr. Cake turned to his wife and yelled, "LEMONADE? WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A KITCHEN!"
"Uh... I'll have some lemonade." Butt-head chuckled.
Suddenly Beavis, Pinkie Pie, and the cake twins joined in laughing as well. Twilight looked puzzled but wrote down in her notes that the two were almost impervious to explosions and disasters.
note: as a quick thing, i've been debating with myself about some stuff I left out of this version. As seen from up top we had a flashback to when the two were younger as they weren't exactly all that evil yet, there was another one actually but I didn't put it in because some say it takes away from the craziness of this story. If I took out the flashback of this chapter then the chapter would have been super short and that's a no-no. Wither you guys want some side plots is up to you but if you want absolute chaos then alright.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
"Now for your next lesson Twinkle." Butt-head said.
"It's Twilight." Twilight corrected him.
"Dumb ass says what?" Butt-head muttered.
"What?" Twilight winced.
The two teens laugh uncontrollably.
It's been a couple of days and Twilight was slowly picking up on their behavior. Writing down endless notes studying the two. While most of it interested her, other notes had her worried. She often wondered if there were more humans like them out there and if they acted like them, if so then humanity is really stupid. Cheerilee invited the three to attend a school day. Of course Beavis and Butt-head refused but Twilight talked them in because Cheerilee promised snacks. And so now...
"Hey Butt-head. I'm getting a stiffy in this desk." Beavis tried to move in the small desk then grunted.
"I don't even have room for a stiffy." Butt-head grunted.
"You know you two didn't have to sit down in those." Twilight beamed.
"Oh." Butt-head stood up still with the chair stuck around his waist as Beavis did as well. Twilight managed to find the two some chairs, not appropriate sizes but it will have to do. The purple unicorn sat down next to them. The school bell rang and the children got into their seats. Cheerilee came in last.
"Alright children take your seats we got some things to go over today." Cheerilee marched to the front of the classroom. She turned around and smiled, "I would like you all to give a warm clop for our guests Mr. Beavis and Butt-head joining our class for the day." The children clopped their hooves on their little desks except for Diamond Tierra and Silver Spoon. Cheerilee walked over to her desk to look for something. "Hmmm.. That's odd. I could of sworn I graded the tests yesterday and left them in my desk." She shuffled through her desk some more.
Just then Beavis let out a huge fart. The children roared in laughter along with Butt-head. Cheerilee looked up to see Twilight beaming at the two. She raised her hooves, "Okay children funny noise time is over." The children eased down.
Just then Butt-head let out a louder fart. The children laughed even harder. Twilight started to fan the smell away from her. Then out of nowhere Scootaloo thought it would be funny so she farted as well, not as powerful but it was noticeable.
"OH OH ME NEXT!" Sweetie Bell stood up on her desk and had her flank facing Diamond Tierra. "HUNGGGGH." The white unicorn grunted then set off an even louder fart powerful enough to blow the tierra off Diamond Tierra's head. By at this time, every one except Twilight and Cheerilee were laughing. Beavis and Butt-head applauded Sweetie Belle.
"Well tarnation it smells worse than cow pie in here." Apple Bloom sniffed.
"Next pony that farts gets a detention." Cheerilee tried to keep her cool, just then she farted. She blushed and gave a weak smile. "Do we all need to take a time out and use the restroom?"
"Snips is already in there." Sweetie Belle pointed at the door.
Cheerilee rolled her eyes, "When is he not in there?"
Twilight wanted to gag from the smell. Beavis and Butt-head continued to laugh as some of the children fell out of their seats from laughing too hard.
"FUS RO DAH!" Beavis shook his arms violently.
"Come on Twinkle it's your turn!" Butt-head turned his head to the purple unicorn.
"I can't!" She gagged.
"TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!" The children cheered. Cheerilee just sighed, she knew it wasn't going to be a good day.
Twilight took a deep breath and asked, "If I do this will you two please just try to get through the day without being destructive?
"Uh. Probably." Butt-head chuckled.
Twilight tried to release gas but the only thing she felt was a light push. She concentrated her magic on intensifying the sound from one to twelve. Hopefully this would shut the two up. She grunted and pushed. Beavis shouted with all his, "DAMN IT! DO IT TWILIGHT!" He shook his arms more. Twilight shrieked and lost concentration. She released a fart so loud it blew out some ear drums and somehow the smell intensified. Soon the room was no longer had breathable air. Cheerilee ordered everyone out of the classroom as they gagged. The smell was so intense it flowed out the windows are started traveling around Ponyville. Beavis and Butt-head just stood there and laughed and gagged then laughed again.
Apple Jack was by her stand selling apples as usual. She just finished making a sale by selling some red and green apples to a random pony who needed it for a pie. Apple Jack ofcourse just loved talking about apples. Just not rotten apples. She smiled, "You have a good day ma'am!" Apple jack waved the customer off.
Rarity and Pinkie Pie came to the stand. Rarity smiled, "Well hello there Apple Jack how's business?"
"Been having a good day so far." Apple Jack nodded proudly, "My stock is almost gone and tomorrows shipment is going to be really good."
"Oh boy!" Pinkie bounced. She stopped then sniffed the air. "Pee u..."
"Did a sewage line break again darling?" Rarity waved her hoof in front of her face.
Apple Jack sniffed, "I'm used to terrible smell but... dang."
Suddenly they heard the children screaming as Cheerilee was telling them to run.
"What in tarnation?" Apple Jack raised her hat. "Apple Bloom?"
"RUN SIS! IT'S AWFUL!" Apple Bloom coughed.
"What happened?" Rarity shrieked.
"Well..." Sweetie Belle brushed her hoof to the ground for a minute before saying, "We were having a farting session in school with Mr. Beavis and Butt-head. Then we were all cheering for Twilight to fart but she made one too big!"
Pinkie laughed at the idea of a fart contest, "Wished I went."
"HUH?" Scootaloo fiddled with her ear. Apparently she was the unlucky one that went deaf.
"I figured those two were involved somehow." Apple Jack smirked.
Suddenly the doomsday sirens came on and the police ponies were shouting for every pony to evacuate the city. Apple Jack lead every pony to her farm were they could seek shelter in their bomb shelter big enough to fit the entire town in. Half of the ponies were shouting and screaming, also gagging and falling over with green faces looking dead.
"Oh dear this is what it was like back during the Cold Pony war. Ofcourse after the bombs fell we had zombies to deal with." Granny Smith said aloud. "And you all thought I was crazy when I built this shelter back in the 50s!"
Doctor Whooves looked over, "Any pony want to trade seats?"
The mayor spoke up, "Don't worry every pony I called the Hazmat team and they should take care of this quickly. Let's just hope its not another terrorist attack using toxic clouds."
"That toxic cloud came from Twilight Sparkle's ass!" Apple Bloom shouted. Every pony looked at each other for as solid ten seconds, Derpy started cracking up then every pony started laughing. Apple Jack smacked her little sister over the head. "OW!"
"Has any pony seen Twilight Sparkle?" Apple Jack asked.
Every pony looked around then shook their head.
Meanwhile outside of town. Twilight Sparkle and the two teens were walking to Sweet Apple acres. The two continued to laugh as Twilight grunted. She messed up the spell and now she has what appears to look like wavy lines coming from her flank that looked like a greenish brown version of Nightmare Moon's tail floating upwards.
"Like. Damn Twilight." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah yeah. Didn't know you had it in you." Beavis chuckled.
"Can we please not talk about this?" Twilight grunted.
The hazmat eventually came and examined the town. Apparently it was labeled under a class nine toxic gas. The ponies on Ponyville were told that the town was obviously tainted and was no longer liveable, it was said that it was going to take a couple weeks to flush out the gas. So now every pony had to live somewhere else for two weeks.
"I'm so sorry you guys." Twilight apologized.
The camera zooms over to the other ponies wearing gas masks.
"Ah Twilight accidents do happen." Apple Jack said through her gas mask making her sound like a mosquito.
"You call that an accident?" Dash pointed out.
"Yeah. We all have accidents." Butt-head chuckled.
"Especially me." Beavis chuckled faster.
"So where do we go now?" Dash asked.
"Well. We can always give Appleloosa a visit." Apple Jack brought up. "Always wanted to go back and visit the cousins."
"Canterlot sounds cleaner." Rarity brought up.
"Hmm. Good point." Apple Jack replied.
"Might want to send a letter to princess Celestia first to say that we're coming. Spike take a letter!" Twilight said. The purple dragon did. He finished and sent it via flame mail. Celestia responded with a letter saying she would be happy to help the ponies along with the teens. She sent them train tickets for the next ride out to Canterlot. They arrived at the train station and got on. Unfortunately, Twilight's ass still smelled horribly and was told to stick her ass out the window for the rest of the ride and keep it there. Wasn't going to do any good because the smell was now traveling from Ponyville to Canterlot killing plant life all around.
"Jeez Twilight what did you eat?" Beavis waved his hand in front of his face.
"Guess it had something to do with those burgers we had at the fashion show." Twilight tried to recall.
Discord was in tears as he rolled on the floor from laughing so hard.
A
Meanwhile at the castle Celestia was sitting in her thrown room with Luna. The two were reading carefully to make sense of what Twilight Sparkle did, but only ended in snickering.
"Hey sister?" Celestia looked over to Luna.
"Yes dear sister?" Luna asked.
Celestia let out loud fart.
"OH SWEET... UGH!" Luna tried to cover her snout.
"Yeah. I'm still the big kahuna here." Celestia smiled.
"Oh yeah." Luna let out a quiet fart.
"I didn't hear anyth..." Celestia sniffed. "OH SWEET ME DID YOU DO THAT?" The sun goddess coughed and left the thrown room.
"HA HA! THE FOULNESS HAS BEEN DOUBLED!" Luna cheered. For once Luna won at something.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
The Great Cornholio Returns
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
Pinkie Pie bounced off the train once the doors opened setting foot on Canterlot soil. She turned and waved for the others, "We're finally here guys!"
"Yes we know darling you've been saying that for the past fifty times." Rarity stepped off the train then stared at the pink pony shooting daggers at her.
The ponies stepped off while Twilight still had her bottom half hanging out the window from the horrible smell she caused earlier. Beavis and Butt-head still marveled at the memory of Twilight causing an level ten gas bomb. So horrible that it cleared the town forcing it to migrate. The purple unicorn tried to move herself off the window space. Butt-head looked at Beavis then back to Twilight's rear end. He reached up and smacked her ass as hard as he could. She let out a yelp and fell into the train. The purple unicorn raced out with anger written across her face. The two teens laughed uncontrollably. The pink and cyan pony as well. After a shout fest the gang made their way to the castle.
They rode on the flying chariots. Beavis looked over the edge and chuckled, "Hey Butt-head. Eh heh heh. Bet you I can hack a loogie and hit something from up here."
"Uh huh huh. Do it." Butt-head encouraged.
Meanwhile down on the ground level in Canterlot's market area. Smarty Pants and his trophy girlfriend Fleur were enjoying another festive day.
"Oh darling look! A rare diamond three crossed necklace!" Fleur dragged Smarty Pants over to the display.
Fancy Pants adjusted his monocle, "Well it does look smashing but what about the five crossed necklace I bought you last week?"
"It got lost after we visited Ponyville and got sick." Fleur fumed. "Can't believe I did that show for Rarity's sake."
Fancy Pants tried to ease her down like as if she were a spoiled child, "Now now my dear you don't have to get all worked up."
"Just buy me the necklace." Fleur beamed. "I want it to clash with my outfit for tomorrow night's high society party at the castle."
Fancy Pants opened up his wallet and sighed, "Just wished you weren't so demanding." He paid the diamond store owner and received the necklace. "Here you go my dove." He used his magic to wrap the necklace around her swan like neck.
Fleur checked herself in the mirror and smiled, "Some earrings would go nice with this."
Fancy Pants frowned, "Sometimes you're so full of spit it's raining out of the sky."
Just then a loogie hit Fleur in the eye. She screamed, "WHAT IN THE HOLY?"
Fancy Pants smirked, "Well that was rather filling."
Back up in the sky. Beavis and Butt-head looked down at the fancy town still riding the chariot. Beavis turned his attention to the pair of flying pegasus flying their chariot.
"Eh heh heh. So uh. Since you fly in the sky. Do you ever poop why flying?" Beavis chuckled.
The pegasus guards looked at each other, puckered their lip at the odd question then turned their attention back to where they were flying.
"Ah come on. It's a simple question." Beavis chuckled.
"Yeah talk about pussy whipped. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
"Eh heh heh. Princess would probably kick their ass if they had a dirty butt hole." Beavis chuckled.
"Uh... Or would she?" Butt-head raised a good point.
Even the two guards knew the answer to this question but kept on flying.
"So uh. Does the princess like to get down?" Butt-head asked.
"Likes to get down?" Asked one of the guards.
"Uh. You know." Butt-head puts his index finger through the thumb and index finger of his opposite hand.
"We don't follow." The other guard replied.
"Eh. Has your princess ever had sex with you guys?" Beavis chuckled, "Because she seems like she's been around the block. Eh heh heh."
"Oh. Oh." One of the pegasus guards nodded, "Well once you mention it she does have strange tastes."
The one guard struck the one that was talking, "Silence. They don't need to know that."
"They already know Silver Bolt!" The aching guard defended himself. "Plus we all know that princess Celestia called you into her chambers last week. Then found you crying like a little filly outside her room."
"You told me that no pony else knows Thunder!" Silver Bolt shouted.
"Sorry you two Silver Bolt used to be a proud soldier." Thunder explained.
"Uh huh huh. What she do shove a broom up your ass?" Butt-head chuckled.
"... A cactus." Silver Bolt shivered.
Beavis and Butt-head's eyes widened but still laughed, Beavis spoke up, "Dude..."
"Uh huh. Your princess is messed up." Butt-head chuckled.
"Tell us about it." Thunder mumbled, "She wanted me to stick my entire head in her flank."
Beavis and Butt-head fell silent for ten seconds. Then started laughing again at the thought.
"You should have seen Twinkle get so scared when that princess comes. Uh huh huh." Butt-head brought up.
"Yeah. She's like... Ehhhhh sorry princess Corona please don't kick my ass! Eh heh heh." Beavis tried to mimic Twilight's scared voice but only ended up laughing through it.
Soon the two pegasus guards started snickering.
"Yeah that Twilight Sparkle is a kiss ass at times." Thunder chuckled.
Silver Bolt elbowed Thunder in the arm, "Quiet she's not that far with the next few carriages behind us."
The multiple carriages finally landed in front of the castle. The ponies and teens stepped off. Beavis and Butt-head complimented the two guards they had; as in saying they were cool and should hang out sometime. The two pegasus guards liked the idea and considered it, then flew off. Waiting for them at the top of the stairs was princess Celestia herself.
"Ah Twilight Sparkle. I'm delighted you came at an interesting time here at the castle." The princess smiled. The ponies, Spike and guards on duty bowed to her presence. Beavis picked his nose and Butt-head picked his butt instead. "Tomorrow night is going to be a tea ceremony to discuss matters. You and your friends are welcomed to attend."
Rarity lifted her head in enjoyment, "To mingle with high society I would be honored!"
Twilight smirked, "Well. Rarity decided for us. I guess we can attend." She blushed, "Oh um. Princess this is an embarrassing question to ask but... um." She wiggled her smelly flank.
"Oh yes. The echoing spell. And if I remember the intensifying spell as well." Celestia rubbed her chin as she walked around Twilight to examine the problem.
"Yeah. Twilight really had the loudest farts in Ponyville." Beavis chuckled.
Rarity sighed, "Yes now Sweetie Belle is driving my parents crazy with her excessive farting."
Twilight let out a fart only to intensify the smell more. She blushed, "Sorry..."
Celestia waved her smell away the best she could, "Well. It's going to take some work but if you want to attend the party tomorrow we're going to have to do this tonight."
"Right princess. I'll do anything." Twilight as usual kissed ass.
Butt-head leaned into Beavis's ear and whispered, "You think she's going to shove a cactus up there?" Beavis chuckled in return.
The next night the party was commencing. Respected high class and nobles attended. Beavis and Butt-head were even dressed thanks to Rarity remembering to keep a pair of clothing for them in her suitcase. The smell from Twilight's ass has been cleansed with a spell and a bath. Though Celestia thought it was funny that she put an air freshener on Twilight's horn. Oh Trollestia. What will we ever do with you?
To Twilight's surprise her brother Shining Armor and his new wife Cadence attended. They had good news to share with her.
"Hello sister. I take it that life in Ponyville is still going well?" Shining Armor smiled.
"Oh it is!" Twilight smiled, then frowned in embarrassment, "Just a little accident that made the whole town evacuate. That's why I'm here."
"It is good seeing you again Twilight Sparkle." Cadence smiled.
"We do have good news though. You're going to be an aunt." Shining Armor announced.
Twilight gasped, "That's terrific!"
Cadence on the other hand wasn't as excited as Shining Armor was.
"A BABY?" Pinkie popped in. "THAT CALLS FOR A BABY SHOWER!" The pink pony threw party streamers into the air.
Beavis and Butt-head were just standing near a giant pony statue looking at all the different ponies. So far, everything was boring as usual. They figured they go and find those guards but since the castle was so big it was going to be impossible.
Princess Luna wasn't too crazy about the two teens but decided to make herself a good host and talk with them. "We take it thou are enjoying the ceremony?"
"Uh... no." Butt-head answered honestly.
"This party sucks." Beavis chuckled.
Luna sighed in agreement, "We agree just noble ponies here. Thou want to request a form of entertainment?"
"Yeah. We're are Thunder and Silver Bolt?" Butt-head asked.
"Eh heh heh. Yeah those two are cool!" Beavis shook his arms quickly.
"We shall put in a request for those two to be sent up to join the party." Luna nodded.
"Damn straight." Butt-head replied. "Those two are the only guards that aren't pussies."
Luna retrieved the two young pegasus ponies from guard duty from guard duty and asked them to join the party to entertain guests. The two figured they get some good food in their stomaches before eating another trayful of crap they call food. Thunder and Silver avoided Celestia like the plague and found their way to Beavis and Butt-head.
"Hey it's you two again." Thunder greeted. "I take it that parties like these aren't your taste."
"Every one here is plain boring." Butt-head chuckled. "And Twilight's brother sucks as bad as she does."
Thunder and Silver turned their necks to see Shining Armor talking with his sister Twilight while Cadence was looking at the four of them. They gasped and turned their heads. "Oh crap. It's her."
"Eh heh heh. You said crap." Beavis pointed out.
"Just turn around and look busy so she doesn't come over here!" Thunder turned the teens around.
"Uh why?" Butt-head asked.
"Because!" Thunder whispered and tried to change the conversation, "So I heard you two were from a far away land?"
"I come from my house dumb ass!" Butt-head was annoyed. He saw the pony they wanted to avoid was wandering over to them.
Silver looked back and whispered, "Oh crap she's coming over."
"I don't think I have the pleasure of knowing you two creatures." Cadence stopped in front of the two teens.
"Uh hey. How's it going?" Butt-head was suave.
Cadence put on an interested smile, "I'm princess Cadence." She sighed in dread, "My husband Shining Armor is over there with his sister talking away."
"Yeah. She never shuts up." Beavis frowned in an annoyed look.
Cadence sighed, "Tell me about it."
"So is Shitting Armor a big dork like Twinkle?" Butt-head chuckled.
The pegasus ponies never cared for Shining Armor but found it amusing and snickered. Cadence chuckled as well. "Oh yes. At first he used to be all charming, loyal and a romantic. Now all he talks about is the baby. The baby. The baby I'm carrying inside of me. The baby isn't even his. It's one on of you two." The two pegasus ponies backed away slowly. Cadence turned her head, "Hold it you two."
"Uh. Yes lady Cadence?" The two tried to be respectable.
"We have something to discuss. I would like to be in a private area if you don't mind." Cadence ordered.
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash pulled Beavis and Butt-head back into the circle of the ceremony where cake and tea would be served. A decision that would be later be better regretted. Unfortunately Blue Blue entered the room, demanded to be announced that he has arrived. Beavis and Butt-head were too busy making farting sounds with their arms.
"Hello to you all. Sorry I'm la..." Blue Blood was cut off by Beavis blowing on his hand.
"Hey Beavis. Machine gunner." Butt-head broght both his hands together to his mouth and started making rapid farting noises.
"Excuse me. But it's rather rude to be talking when I'm talking." Blue Blood frowned.
"Uh... We were doing this a lot longer before you came in." Butt-head replied still blowing on his hands.
"Yeah. You interrupted us." Beavis chuckled.
"I do declare making instrumental noises with their hands." Fancy Pants lifted his monocle in interested, "Fascinating."
Fluttershy was excused earlier and came back in to sit down with traumatized eyes.
Rarity looked over, "Fluttershy dear you looked like you see a ghost."
Fluttershy didn't know what to say, she say something that might break something happy. "I uh... nevermind."
"Are you sure darling if it's bothering you can tell us afterwards." Rarity patted Fluttershy's back.
Beavis was eating more cake than usual then helped himself to another piece and another.
"So back to my order of business. I would like to see money entrusted to my colleagues so we can finish our business back in..." Blue Blood tried to finish his state of business to Celestia and the other nobles. Butt-head made another fart sound with his hand. Blue Blood turned to him with a death glare, "I say if you make one more sound I will be sure you sit in a dungeon!"
"Oh yeah?" Butt-head dared, "Who's going to make me?"
"I'm intrigued." Fancy Pants remarked.
"Oh hush up you!" Blue Blood shot a glare at Fancy Pants.
"I beg your pardon?" Fancy Pants stared back at him.
"You heard me. You and your harlot lady friend!" Blue Blood shouted.
"HOW DARE YOU!" Fleur stood up.
"Blue Blood please just apologize so we can get back to business." Celestia ordered.
"Over my dead body!" Blue Blood defended.
Beavis was eating more and more cake. Drank five cups and entire pot of sugar tea.
"I SIR CHALLENGE YOU DO A DUEL!" Blue Blood challenged Fancy Pants.
"I don't do challenges from spoiled brats." Fancy Pants coughed.
"I demand satisfaction!" Blue Blood ordered.
"Settle down Blue Balls." Butt-head chuckled.
"YOU!" Blue Blood was angry, "I challenge you then!"
"Eh. No..." Butt-head chuckled, he looked over to Beavis who was shaking more than usual with his teeth chattering. "But I know someone is willing to kick your ass. Uh huh huh."
Suddenly the serving table erupted by turning over spilled cake and tea. Beavis pulled his dress shirt over his head, "I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"
"I never like either one of you two urchins once I laid eyes on you." Blue Blood said with pride. "Choose your weapons to duel with."
"TP! I DEMAND TO DUEL WITH TP!" Beavis shook furiously.
"KILL HIM BEAVIS FLUTTERSHY GOT YOUR BACK!" Rainbow Dash egged the fight on.
Blue Blood stepped up to Beavis with dangerous eyes armed. The other ponies sat there silently not wanting to get in the way. Princess Celestia warned Blue Blood one more time only for him not to listen. Blue Blood swung at Beavis only for him to duck. Beavis now had an opening behind the spoiled prince then bent his leg back then swung.
"Ooooh right in the family jewels." Dash chuckled.
Blue Blood fell over holding his crotch then gasping for air.
"I do say that was a wonderful tactic." Fancy Pants tilted his head.
Cadence came back into the room and missed all the action. She saw Blue Blood on the floor and Beavis pacing back and for calling himself the great Cornholio. Fluttershy couldn't take it anymore, she stood up and shouted, "I SAW PRINCESS CADENCE HAVING RELATIONS WITH THE GUARDS!"
Every pony gasped, Twilight especially, "Fluttershy don't play games like that!"
"She's not, that Can't Dance pony admitted it." Butt-head chuckled. "She even said the baby wasn't even Shitting Armors."
"WHAT?" Shining Armor gasped. "Cadence why?"
"BECAUSE I'M NOT HAPPY!" Cadence shouted. "I WAS NEVER HAPPY! THE BABY IS NOT YOURS BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID YOU CAN'T GET IT UP! PLUS I HATE YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!"
"BUNGHOLIO SAYS YOU'RE BAD IN BED!" Beavis shook violently.
"Uh huh huh. You got a broken wiener." Butt-head said to Shining Armor.
Chairs were thrown, alliances were broken, threats were made and relationships ended.
Discord was watching this all on his television. He pressed his fist against his cheek and laughed as he laid down on his couch. He sat up and started shouting, "JERRY JERRY JERRY!"
Meanwhile back in the real world. Nightmare Jinn has found her way in opening another portal to Equestria. For she was ready to set the Equestria on fire. Van Dreissan was in a mental hospital with a straight jacket on shouting doomsday prophecies. Apparently Jinn did horrible things to him. She broke his mind.
Jinn took one last look at Highland. And spoke in an echoing vicious tone, "When I'm done with Equestria I'll be back to destroy this place. So many things to purge... So little time..."
Beavis was now outside in the courtyard pacing back and forth in front of the Discord statue. He looked up with his arms raised, "ARE YOU THREATENING ME? LONG LIVE THE ALL MIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"
Slowly the horn in his pocket started to vibrate like crazy.
"BEHOLD THE ALL MIGHTY STIFFY OF CORNHOLIO!" Beavis chanted.
"So how often does he do this?" Celestia watched from the balcony.
"Oh. Mr. Butt-head says whenever he eats a lot of sugary foods he does this." Pinkie bounced, "He's really fun like this too!"
Twilight was in the corner of the room in a fetal position. Her brother's marriage has ended and she wasn't going to be an aunt after all.
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY BUNGHOLE?!" Beavis chanted.
Discord poured a glass of wine, "This is just too perfect." He sipped his wine, "Shining Armor and Cadence's wedding was at first like the royal wedding. Now it's like the Kardashian's." He roared in laughter. "Just a little more and I'll be at full power."
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
Twilight Sparkle sat by herself in the royal library going over the notes she has jotted down from monitoring Beavis and Butt-head. Their gestures, their vocabulary and their expressions. Nothing comes close what she was used to when growing up or even had a clue. Her friends joined her shortly with a cup of hot chocolate to sooth her nerves after what happened the previous day. The two teens caused a conflict between royalty, ended what seemed to be a happy marriage and one of them went on a sugar high rampage claiming that he was the great Cornholio. Rarity gave Twilight her hot chocolate and set it down in front of her.
"Hitting the books again dear?" Rarity asked as she sat down next to the purple unicorn.
"It's just this stupid assignment." Twilight groaned then slammed her face into the table. "How can two creatures be this demeaning and destructive?"
"Well you have to admit it. They do know how to live it up." Dash sat down and folded her arms behind her head to relax. "Those nachos are really good."
"Damn straight!" Pinkie smiled.
"Pinkie!" Apple Jack scolded.
"What butt dumpling?" Pinkie shot a glare at Jack.
"Yeah butt munch what's the problem?" Dash asked.
"Since when did you two start saying all this stuff?" Twilight slammed her hoofs onto the table.
"Pretty cool huh?" Dash chuckled, "Uh huh huh."
"Yeah. Eh heh heh." Pinkie turned slightly to her side and chuckled as well.
"Girls. They're not funny." Twilight frowned.
"Says you." Dash smirked.
Twilight rested her hoof on her forehead. Sighed then looked at her friends deeply, "Come on guys its clear that these two are more trouble than they seem."
"They did help rescue Sweetie Belle though." Rarity recalled.
"And formed an alliance with the diamond dogs." Fluttershy raised her hoof.
"Got rid of Trixie for the second time." Dash chuckled.
"Oh come on girls." Twilight fumed, "They wrecked the fashion show, poisoned half of the town, put a hole in a barn and the bakery wall, used Fluttershy's animals as food, basically insulted us with this vocabulary of theirs, practically ruined my brother's happy marriage, disrespectful to the princess and.."
"Well they helped you out when the princess was chewing you out!" Rainbow raised her hoof in accusation towards the purple unicorn.
Twilight sighed, "You're right... maybe they're not aware of our customs. Pretty destructive and makes you wonder if there are more of them out there."
"If there are then hopefully not as destructive as these two." Apple Jack rolled her eyes.
"Cheer up Twilight. They might do well at the Gala tomorrow night." Rarity assured.
"You're just saying that because Beavis kicked Blue Blood in the nads." Twilight crossed her arms.
"Guilty." Rarity blushed then laughed.
Meanwhile in the royal throne room. It appeared to be quite vacant as the princess was not present along with no guards on duty. The two teens were wandering the halls by themselves until they walked into a large room with a very obvious door at the far end of it. Not caring for the royal belongings they bumped into pedestals that held antiques, they fell over and broke within. Held for many generations fell and broke in just mere seconds.
"This sucks." Butt-head frowned, "No TV. No porn."
Beavis shook his fists in anger, "DAMN IT! THIS PLACE SUCKS! NOTHING TO DO!"
The two reached the end of the room to find a rather large door. Detailed with fancy engravings.
"We should like... spray paint all over this." Butt-head chuckled.
"YEAH! YEAH!" Beavis chanted excitedly. "Cover it with snakes and flames and skulls!"
"Uh... now to find spray paint." Butt-head looked left then right. Frowned again, "This sucks. Nothing is ever here when you want it."
Beavis was massaging his horn. "Yeah... we should like... Wish for it or something."
Just then the horn glowed and various colored spray cans fell to their feet.
"That horn is cool." Butt-head chuckled, "But next time it should get it... acc...accur... uh... with the chicks." He looked at the giant door, "I'm going to draw a big butt on this thing!" The two started laughing uncontrollably as Beavis painted a giant penis the size of the door.
"Hey Butt-head check it out!" Beavis pointed to a hole in the door.
"You should draw a butt around that hole so it looks like a big butt." Butt-head suggested.
"Yeah! That sounds pretty good!" Beavis started spraying a large pair of cheeks around the hole.
After a few minutes the two were proud of their accomplishment. They stood back to see the words etched out with paint, "Mega Death, ACDC rules, BIG BUTT, FART and more importantly BOOBS". Beavis thought it would be funny if he stuck the horn in the hole to make it look like the horn was being shoved in some persons' ass. Hilarious the two thought as Beavis did such thing. Just then around the hole lights shined through the cracks of the door.
"Whoa..." Butt-head stared wide eyed at the door.
"Yeah! Just like Pinky Floyd laser concerts." Beavis chuckled. He rammed the horn in deeper as the lights continued to flash. Just then heavy door slid open slowly representing its size it creaked loudly. With the doors finally open there stood in the middle of the room inside was another pedestal this time with a jewel encrusted box. It shined of everlasting glory and...
*BAM*
Or just all over the floor with the contents poured out.
"Hey Butt-head. There's like jewels in here." Beavis bent down to pick up an odd shaped necklace.
"Cool. Now we can be like those pimps that hang down town." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah! Yeah THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!" Beavis picked up another necklace.
Butt-head picked up a tiara with a star on it, "Uh... I don't think pimps wear this girly crap."
Beavis flung one of the necklaces at the wall causing it to shatter. The two teens grinned wickedly then smashed another necklace on the floor. Little did they knew, they were destroying the elements of harmony effortlessly. Breaking them apart by stomping on them, beating them with hammers, slamming them into walls.
"That was cool!" Beavis shook his arms wildly.
After the two broke all the jewelry inside they poured it back into the box and laid it back on the pedestal. Laughing along the way they closed the door behind them to only be confronted by princess Cadence.
"Uh... what the hell do you want?" Butt-head asked.
Cadence smiled wickedly.
Beavis frowned, "This is starting to freak me out Butt-head."
"We got much to discuss." Cadence smirked.
"Uh... are you like... trying to hit on us or something?" Butt-head asked. "We don't do ponies."
"Yeah... Eh heh heh. Hopeless losers do that and write about it." Beavis chuckled.
Cadence a bit bewildered by the fourth wall comment just waved it off. "Oh... you two are motivated by desires of lust and destruction?"
"That's right baby." Butt-head chuckled.
"YEAH! YEAH! DESTRUCTION!" Beavis waved his arms frantically.
"I take it that you want Equestria to burn down to the ground as much as I do?" Cadence tilted her head.
"FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Beavis chanted.
"Uh... Don't really give a rats ass about this place really." Butt-head admitted.
Cadence smiled, "How would you two like to work for me?"
"Uh... no." Butt-head frowned.
"Yeah you're not cool enough." Beavis chuckled.
"I'm not... cool?" Cadence smirked. With that her hoof clopped onto the floor and within seconds her body was embodied in green flames. Now before them was a dark colored pony with bluish green hair and green evil eyes.
"Whoa..." Beavis was entranced by the flames.
"How about now?" The dark slick unicorn asked, "By the way... I'm the queen of the changelings..."
"Uh... so." Butt-head countered.
Discord on the other hand was just all dandy watching the elements of harmony falling apart and laid out all over the floor. He chuckled in an evil tone and snapped his fingers. And teleported out of his dimension. With no elements of harmony to stop him, he was invincible.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Worst Rescue Attempt Ever
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
*CRUSH*
*BASH*
*CRUSH*
Eh heh heh...
Uh huh huh huh...
*CRUNCH*
"This is cool." Butt-head chuckled.
"YEAH!" Beavis giggled.
The two must have had run over or crushed over five million bits worth of building work. Or even priceless valuables that were on display. The two continued their onslaught through out the hollow ghost parts of the castle grounds. Destroying walls of the libraries and random wings. Rolling their way up concrete stairs and crushing statues along the way. Their mischief filled laughs continued on and echoed through out the halls.
"Which way is the party again?" Beavis asked.
"Uh... I don't know." Butt-head chuckled. "Maybe this way." The brunette turned the steering wheel and pulled the steam roller into a hard left colliding with another wall. Demolishing it like it was cheap material. But what they were driving through were restricted parts of the castle. They knocked over more book cases and fine art. Thousands of years worth of history. Gone under a path of destruction.
"YEAH! YEAH!" Beavis chanted as he shook his arms wildly. "Destruction!" They crushed another set of statues.
"Damn it." Butt-head frowned. "We're only going around in circles." Just then he started knocking over columns that were supporting the ceiling. One after another Butt-head either smashed into them or graced them to the side. Just then he plowed down the door leading to the next set of rooms.
"Hey Butt-head. This is giving me a stiffy." Beavis chuckled.
"Anything gives you a stiffy Beavis." Butt-head chuckled back.
After rolling around a bit more the duo eventually got bored of their rolling destruction for one time. They drove back to the courtyard where they found it and drove it back in the same spot once they found it. Butt-head turned it off and jumped off with Beavis following him back into the ball room.
"You said ball." Butt-head chuckled.
"Eh heh heh." Beavis laughed as well.
Looks like some of Pinkie's fourth wall breaking rubbed off onto these two.
"You said rubbed off." Butt-head chuckled again.
Shut up...
Just then the construction ponies came back outside to find the steam roller for some reason off. The manager kicked it, "Ah come on! The stupid thing quit on us again!"
"What's wrong?" Steam came up with plate with food on it.
"Stupid piece of junk stopped working again..." The manager replied.
Steam looked to his side to find a trail of destruction leading up to the steam roller, "Looks like it worked just fine awhile ago..."
"Dear Celestia!" The manager threw his hard hat on the ground.
Meanwhile at the party...
"I'm not having a good feeling about this Thunder." The guard pony told his fellow guard.
"Relax. We'll just walk up to those two and introduce ourselves. Buy them drinks. If they say no then no hard feelings." Thunder smiled.
"Well alright then." Silver Bolt tugged his armor a bit.
The two guard ponies walked up to two scantily clad dressed ponies sitting at the bar. One brunette with blue fur and the other blonde with pink fur.
"Evening ladies. Are you having a great evening?" Thunder asked.
The brunette nodded and talked in a southern accent, "It's alright. Care to join us?"
"Sure." Thunder smiled and sat next to the brunette.
"I'll just sit here then." Silver Bolt smirked as he sat next to the blonde.
"I'm Thunder and this is Silver Bolt. We work for the royal guard." Thunder figured it would give him some guaranteed swooning.
"Well I'm Lolita and this here is Tanqueray." The brunette introduced herself plainly then pointed to her friend.
Meanwhile on the other side of the ballroom. Beavis and Butt-head managed to get back in time before Celestia found out about the little steam roller rampage. She came out and saw the mess. She could not find the words necessary for such destruction so she instantly fired the workers without pay. Twilight heard everything and walked back to her friends.
"Did you girls hear? Some pony rolled through the castle with a big machine breaking everything." Twilight told her friends.
"Sounds like fun!" Pinkie smiled.
The other ponies turned to scowl at the pink pony.
"What?" She shifted her shoulders in question.
"If I did not know any better I feel that it was those two running amok again." Apple Jack rolled her eyes.
"I'm sure they are on their best behavior." Fluttershy assured the others.
"Uh hey!" Some one called, "What kind of party is this?"
"Yeah really. No beer and no chicks. Damn it!" Another one replied. "Hey Butt-head if you squint your eyes a little bit and let them go out of focus. It will be like that pony's butt is like a naked chicks butt bending over."
Just then they heard a slap and a scream.
Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"Could this night get any worse?" Twilight fumed.
Just then the ballroom doors exploded open.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. We're tonight's entertainment!" A familiar tricking voice echoed through out the room. The mane six turned their heads to the voice and there to find the one and only. "Presenting for one night only. The amazing Discord!" The chimera threw his arms up and hollered.
"OH NO ITS HIM!" One of the guests shouted.
"DISCORD IS FREE! RUN!" Another pony panicked.
"How is this possible?" Twilight questioned.
"Every pony freeze." Discord snapped his fingers. Just then all the ponies in the room were stuck in place but were still aware of what's happening.
"Hey Butt-head! It's that wiener dragon again!" Beavis pointed out.
"Oh yeah. It's Discock." Butt-head chuckled soon Beavis followed.
"It's Discord..." Discord sighed. "But you two have done a fantastic job!" He smiled and praised the two. "Bravo!"
Twilight narrowed her eyes the best she could with her frozen expression, "Discord!"
Butt-head just ripped a fart in response.
"Well. Well. Well." Cadence walked in between the two teens. "Looks like you two did your job just perfectly."
The mane six gasped, "The changeling queen as well?"
"Oh look. It's Can't dance or something." Butt-head chuckled.
"No dumb ass remember its me." Just then Cadence transformed into the changeling queen.
"And you still look extravagant as ever Chrysalis." Discord smiled.
"Thanks. And you still... look sexy." Chrysalis purred.
"Well I work out from time to time." Discord chuckled.
"Oh sick!" Rainbow wanted to puke.
Butt-head frowned, "Uh... Hey! Where's our reward?"
Beavis was pissed, "Come on damn it! We've been trotting all around this god for saken place looking for porn, beer and chicks!"
"Patience my boys." Discord wagged his finger. "Don't you want to know our plan?"
"Uh... no." Butt-head chuckled.
Discord frowned but summoned a sofa for the two to sit on. "Too bad I'm going to tell you anyway." He giggled, "Oh boy. Who should go first? Me or you darling?" Obviously he hooked up with the changeling queen sometime off screen. I don't care if I did not write that in and forgot to tell you that. Probably was important but oh well. Plot twist.
"Oh you go." Chrysalis laughed.
"Very well. Chrysalis and I have both came up with this great plan to capture the elements of harmony. Only thing, we can't touch the elements so we needed some outsiders to do the dirty work. That is where you came in." Discord chuckled. "Since you made friends with the ponies but also did a lot of damage along the way. It was a great way for me to regain my power. And thanks to you two... I'm nearly five times as strong!"
At this time. Pinkie felt heart broken. Wanted to cry because her two friends were in on destroying Equestria.
"I knew it..." Apple Jack growled.
Beavis was picking his ass at the moment. "Oh is that a fact huh?" He chuckled. "Well I'll be damned."
"As for my queen here. She has her army ready to capture the ponies and imprison them in her cocoons so she can turn them into changelings as well." Discord laughed manically. Soon Chrysalis did as well. Then then the two teens. Discord smirked, "And with that Chrysalis and I will rule Equestria together."
"Uh... okay." Butt-head chuckled.
"But that horn will play another factor in our little game." Discord smiled. "With it we can get near infinite power. So... fork it over." Discord held out his paw.
"So where's the chicks you promised us?" Beavis asked.
"Well talk about that as soon as you hand over the horn." Discord smirked.
"DON'T DO IT!" The mane six screamed. "NO!"
"Be smart about this Beavis and Butt-head!" Twilight tried to shout.
"Eh heh heh. Here you go." Beavis handed over the horn.
The mane six moaned in disbelief.
Discord and Chrysalis looked at each other and smiled evilly. The queen ignited a ring of fire around the two teens.
"WHOA!" Beavis got excited, "FIRE!"
"Well that's pretty cool. But where are the chicks?" Butt-head looked around.
"Oh you'll see." Chrysalis laughed.
Suddenly the two teens were being pulled down into the dark oblivion below. They screamed how much it sucked being pulled down.
"NO! MR BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD!" Pinkie cried.
"Oh hush now Pinkie." Discord leaned on the pink pony. "You really need to know how to make better friends. Not our fault you picked two idiots to befriend." The power from the horn was granting them their evil wish. The castle started to quake.
Pinkie wanted to cry but the others were ready to explode. Memories flowing back to the pink pony how she took the two in and had some pretty wonderful fun together. Like breaking stuff. Over flowing toilets. Walking in on Beavis spanking his monkey. Butt-head throwing cupcakes at the wall. Breaking more stuff. Laughing. Breaking more stuff. Laughing again. Farting at inappropriate times. Making fun of Twilight's ass. Blowing up part of a house. Meeting all kinds of new friends. That's what Pinkie enjoyed about the two, sure they were destructive but they were fun too. Misunderstood and no one was willing to give them a chance like she did.
Beavis and Butt-head appeared in a giant crystal underground cavern. Oblivious to their surrounding. They made the best of it.
"Hey Beavis. Listen." Butt-head instructed.
"What?" Beavis asked.
"Listen." Butt-head soon ripped a huge fart. It echoed through out the cavern. The two laughed harder.
"Hello?" A female pony called out.
"Uh... I don't remember farting out a hello." Butt-head tried to think back.
"Hello? Any pony there?" The voice called out again.
"Hey Beavis. That sounds like a chick." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah. Think she has big boobs?" Beavis asked.
"Maybe." Butt-head chuckled. He called out, "Uh yeah like! We're here!"
"Yeah! We're here to do you!" Beavis echoed.
"Follow my voice! I'm trapped in here too!" The female called out.
The two followed the sound of the voice and finally met up with...
"Oh..." Butt-head frowned. "It's that Can't dance pony again..."
Beavis frowned as well. "Really? Wasn't she like already up there?"
The real Cadance was a mess, "Oh my Celestia thank you for finding me!"
Beavis chucked a rock at Cadence's head.
"OW!" Cadence held her head. "What was that for?"
"Damn it you promised us chicks!" Beavis shouted.
"I promised you no such thing!" Cadence defended herself. "You must have came across the changeling queen. She ruined my wedding day by throwing me down here and trying to marry my husband Shining Armor!"
"Uh... Shining Armor?" Butt-head asked.
"Yes! Have you see my darling Shining Armor?" Cadence approached the two with hope, "Is he looking for me? Did he say anything?"
"Uh yeah." Butt-head chuckled.
"What then?" Cadence was waiting.
"Uh he said you suck." Butt-head chuckled.
"He also said he had a small weiner" Beavis chuckled faster.
"Oh yeah. Plus he's just as boring as Twinky Spermcell." Butt-head chuckled.
Beavis frowned, "Yeah he's pretty lame. You should dump him."
Cadence gasped. "I shall do no such things. I love him!"
"Well whatever. I got to take a dump." Beavis pulled down his pants and crouched down.
"AH! Beavis do that somewhere else!" Butt-head shouted.
"Worst rescue attempt ever..." Cadence turned her head away in disgust.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
You're Standing On My Neck
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
Within one night. The town of Canterlot has transformed into a world turned upside down. Up means down. The fish flying in the sky, birds swim in the water. Clouds rained chocolate milk. And all that good stuff. The ponies were slaves under the combined rule of Discord and Chrysalis. Those who were willing though. Others were unfortunately turned to stone, others are in cocoons attached to different surfaces. Walls. Houses. Roofs. The streets were practically destroyed. Did not matter, changelings whipped ponies to fall in line as they were chained together. Some even construction monuments of Discord and Chrysalis in their image.
At the front of the castle, the two new warlords were sitting on their throne watching over the chaos. Both sipping expensive champagne from the royal chalices, normally the set were an heirloom from the royal family. Now tainted, stained by the lips of evil for chaos and dangerous antics.
Over and over the cries of ponies could be heard from all around Canterlot. Whips could be heard cracking. Along with for some reason some pony was laughing at something inappropriate for the moment. Guess which pony that was. Come on guess. Anyway, Discord and Chrysalis were happy with their work as they watched from their terrace.
"More champagne my love?" Chrysalis purred as she offered another glass to her co-ruler.
"Why certainly?" The agent of chaos raised his near empty glass. Watching as it filled and sparkled with pure goodness.
"Ah... Ah." Discord waved his finger, "Don't want too much now." They both laughed.
"OW YOU WHIPPED ME IN THE EAR!" Shouted a pony obviously in pain.
"GET BACK TO WORK OR I'LL WHIP THE OTHER!" One of the changelings hissed.
Discord and Chrysalis laughed again at the pain the ponies were going through.
Meanwhile deep in the underground caverns of Canterlot. Beavis and Butt-head were wandering around with the company of the princess of love; Cadence. Actually, they barely put any effort into finding a way out. The two teens found a large crystal that they could sit on together and did so like their old couch.
"Ah..." Beavis sighed.
"Hey Beavis. Wish us up something to eat." Butt-head turned his head, "I'm hungry."
"Okay." Beavis reached into his pocket then felt around inside.
"Beavis..." Butt-head noticed, "You're not playing with yourself again are you?"
"Umm.." Beavis chuckled, "Oh yeah... I gave the horn to dickord."
"Damn it." Butt-head swore, "He's like... smart or something."
"Well the joke is on him. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "I farted on his couch."
"So are you two like... going to find a way out of here?" Cadence blinked.
Butt-head paused, "Uh... No."
"That's it?" Cadence scoffed, "You two are giving up?" She then howled, "I need to get back with my Shining Armor!"
"Yeah yeah blah blah blah I need to get back to my shitting armor blah blah." Beavis mocked the pink princess in an annoyed tone, "Shut up."
"I'm serious!" Tears rolled down Cadence's cheeks, "I can't believe I fell for this twice and I'm down here again! As if the first time was not bad enough!"
"You fell for this twice?" Butt-head chuckled, "You're a dumb ass."
"There's no need for insults!" Cadence cried, "I don't know how or why but I really need to get back up there! I have to help Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle! I have something that might help them! But more than anything I just want out of here and just go home."
"Yeah yeah blah blah." Beavis frowned, "We all like to go home. Hell I liked to go home and spank my monkey!"
"Beavis all you did when we came here was spank your monkey." Butt-head turned his head to his friend and chuckled.
"Oh yeah. Eh heh heh." Beavis laughed.
Cadence sighed deeply and walked around in circles, trying to find something that could help them get out of the place. It was different from when the last time she was imprisoned there almost like Chrysalis actually made a better effort to make sure there was no escape. Just more tunnels and more tunnels. Complete darkness filled them, she could chance them to go off on her own but it was probably better to stay in a group. Even if the group were two idiots who probably ate paint chips in their childhood.
One hour later...
"Hey Beavis?" Butt-head asked his friend.
"What?" Beavis replied.
A huge fart erupted from Butt-head. The two laughed even harder.
Cadence rolled her eyes.
One more hour later...
Cadence whined that she was never going to find her way out of the caverns.
"Oh I'll never see my Shining Armor ever again." Cadence sniffed sadly, letting her tears drip into the puddle she was per-occupying with herself to pass the time.
"Uh... Whoa..." Butt-head's eyes widened, "I just thought of something."
Cadence rose to her hooves, "What is it? Something to help us to save Canterlot?"
"Uh no..." Butt-head chuckled. "It's like... since you keep whining about Shining Armpit or what's his face. I just like noticed that his face is always slanting to the side for some reason like Beavis's."
Beavis was too busy picking his nose, "Whoa really? I'll be damned."
"Yeah you two are both dumb asses." Butt-head chuckled.
Cadence just stood there, her brain wanted to scream but she took the useless fact in and... was a little bit mind blown. Shining Armor's face was pretty much slanted at times when she recalled, then looking at Beavis while he picked his nose.
"Huh..." Cadence blinked. "How about that?" But they were too busy doing nothing so she finally took charge, "You two, I need you to assist me in getting out of here! And no more monkey spanking or whatever you call it!"
Beavis frowned, "Okay then..."
Butt-head frowned as well, "Uh... Might as well, that fart really starting to build up." Beavis started to cough because of it.
"Great." Cadence smiled, "Maybe if we go down one of these tunnels we should find something."
"Like Beavis's virginity." Butt-head commented.
"SHUT UP!" Beavis shouted.
"Quiet you two!" Cadence barked.
It was like this for the next forty minutes as they walked and walked down the dark tunnels. Cadence used her magic as a flare so they could see and battle the darkness. Well, at least ward it off. More and more they traveled as not a lot of progress was being made, a turn here, a turn there. No results. Just another stretch of tunnels.
"This sucks." Beavis grunted.
Suddenly they heard a rumble from the ground below their feet.
"Uh... Did you just fart Beavis?" Butt-head chuckled.
"No." Beavis chuckled, "Did you Can't dance?"
Cadence grunted, "My name is Cadence and no I did not pass gas!"
The two just laughed harder but the floor shook again. And again, and again. Suddenly it gave out from underneath them as they fell into the dark abyss. Instantly the three of them fell unconscious as soon as they hit the bottom and landed on some dirt mounds placed below them. With the three of them knocked out, they couldn't hear the shuffling of feet slowly approaching them.
"Ah... that sound! Come from here!"
"Those tremors... Getting fierce!"
"Look! Look! Those humans we met back then!"
"And pony princess!"
Meanwhile back on the surface. Discord has made some special arrangements for the harmony bearers and the princesses to be strung up inside the castle walls. Their arms and legs bound to the hard walls with chains. Forced to look on to the former Canterlot now in a new upside down world. Changelings dragging helpless ponies into the streets and throwing them into slimy cocoons or throw them in line for slavery.
"This is horrible." Twilight looked on.
"My kingdom..." Celestia could not bare to see her kingdom in ruins so she looked away.
"If I ever get my hoofs on those two I'm going to break their necks." Apple Jack grunted.
"Such a terrible fate for Equestria." Rarity mumbled sadly to herself.
"Why would they help in this?" Pinkie cried.
"I sure hope my every pony who didn't get caught are still okay." Fluttershy said quietly.
"I wonder if I fart now could I blame it on Apple Jack?" Rainbow thought to herself.
"What was the name of the bad guy from Tron?" Discord stroked his beard. Pointless question to ask himself but yet he was too happy to contain himself. He stood up from his newly acquired throne to taunt his prisoners.
"Oh how I was waiting for this day." The chaos god chuckled. "The day when I finally beat Celestia and her little lackies."
"Why don't you just cut to the chase and just get this over with." Apple Jack growled.
"Now now, it won't be fun if I just finished you all right here and not witness anymore of my joy." Discord smiled, "I do have plans... And you're going to do exactly what I tell you."
"Like we would do anything for you!" Twilight grunted.
"Oh but you will. You will." Discord chuckled.
The chimera snapped his fingers. Just then something caught his attention, he sniffed the air.
"Oh come now really who did that?" Discord gagged.
"Apple Jack did it." Rainbow Dash snickered.
"Did not!" Apple Jack countered.
"First to deny it supplied it." Rainbow Dash laughed.
"Ugh... Well at least you ponies are not boring like this one girl I know... Name is Daria Morgendorffer and she is the most boring yet peculiar girl you would ever meet." Discord brought up. "Matter of fact... Twilight I want to borrow you for a second." Discord snapped his fingers again to bring up a clothing trunk and opened it.
"I hope there isn't any dusty ugly clothing in there." Rarity mumbled.
Within an instant. Discord snapped his fingers again to make clothes on Twilight appear. Now she was wearing a green jacket over an orange shirt. A black skirt that covered her thighs and black boots work on her lower hooves. Discord finished the touches by putting thick round glasses over the purple pony's face.
"There..." Discord smirked.
"Oh dear Celestia that fashion sense is horrible!" Rarity retorted.
Meanwhile...
"Ugh..." A teenage brunette female with thick round glasses shivered.
Her friend with short dark hair turned her attention to her friend and spoke in a , "What's up Daria?"
"You know the feeling when someone is talking about you?" Daria replied in her monotone voice.
Her friend; Jane kept her boring expression, "Is this about the dragon that sounded like Q from Star Trek?"
"No, I haven't heard from him lately. That voice in my head is gone." Daria kept her expression as well. "All it took was to ignore him."
"Must have been one of those attention whores." Jane smirked. "Hey Daria?"
"Yeah?" Daria replied.
"What would you do if you were sent off to an imaginary world where ponies were the dominant species instead of humans?" Jane put her fist to her cheek.
"Well... Their world would be pretty gray if I ever showed up." Daria answered. "What brought this on?"
"Britney brought one of her childhood toys in today for good luck on that test that Mr. DeMartino gave us." Jane answered, "Probably did not do her any good because all she did was talk about how she would like to live in a world of ponies."
"If there was a world of ponies out there somewhere. I can't imagine it maintaining itself if humans were ever to set foot in it." Daria answered in her monotone voice as usual.
"Kevin you jerk!" The blonde cheerleader; Britney shouted from close by.
"What I do babes?" Her boyfriend who is also a football player; Kevin was not a very bright person.
"How can you say Firefly pony is not as cute as Surprise pony?!" The cheerleader was ready to cry.
Daria and Jane looked at each other, the brunette spoke, "You think ponies have stupid fights with each other like this?"
la la la la la
This is my stuff
Got to get off
I might go pop
Excuse me, Excuse me
I've got to be direct
la la la
If I'm off, please correct
la la la
You're standing on my neck
I don't know why but the video link I wanted to use for some reason disappeared when I needed it the most. And yeah Daria cameo! But there is some bad news to this story, lately I have less and less interest to actually continue this because of work and time constraints, also working on other stories that I really want to get done and continue. This story is actually a bit troublesome to write, not because of the stupidity and chaos of the two shows colliding, its how to keep everything even. Beavis and Butt-head go to Ponyville, do stuff, stuff happens, ponies left astonished or ticked, that's pretty much it. So I'm offering to anyone here who would like take on the idea of writing out the last chapters. I will allow that and give credit where its due, just PM me if interested. Not sure if its against the rules or anything but this story is getting harder and harder to get back to because its one my first MLP stories I started off when the show was just getting recognized. Again if interested, please PM or write in the comment box.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Yeahhhhhhh That would be Great
Chapter 24
In deep bowls of the underground caverns of the royal city. Our heroes met the crystal princess who were banished to the dark gem mine herself, again she was tricked into it. With distraught, she could not believe she fell for it twice. All of her efforts to find a way out were fruitless, she even traveled the route she escaped the first time. Only to find out that, the changeling Queen blocked the way out and put up anti magic barriers so she could not use her magic. Stuck again, she cried and cried. Until she heard the voices of two unfamiliar creatures, to her curiosity she called out.
Anything for help and out from the darkness, came two unfamiliar creatures. Bipedal none the less, wore clothes, but almost evil-looking. One threw a rock at her head in anger as he yelled at her. Mistaking her for her earlier captor, she called out to tell them that she was not the one. Quickly, they formed a pack. An easy one too. What she was going to do was anyone's guess. She tried to ask for information but the two provided no help. After exchanging some verbal trouble, they decided to take some random tunnels in hope to escape. Her new companions really annoyed her until there was a sudden quake in the floor below them. It crumbled and the three of them fell far below.
"Ugh..." Butt-head opened his eyes slowly. With a lazy wince, he looked left to find the pink princess on her side. Hair flushed over her face as she was sprawled on the floor. A look to the right he found part of his companion, closer look he saw that Beavis had his arm extended out. With a simple turn of his neck Butt-head traced where Beavis's arm was at... more like hand right on his own crotch.
"WAH!" Butt-head punched Beavis in the fore-head.
With a quick jolt the blond woke up rubbing his head while shouting. "OW! Damn it! Eh heh."
"Damn it Beavis! Keep your hand on your own weiner! Uh huh huh." Butt-head then got back his feet.
"Eh heh heh." Beavis then frowned, "Sorry about that. Eh heh heh." The blonde stood up then looked around. They were in a cell of some sort. The two teens saw a cell door on the opposite side of the room. Almost too familiar, knowing them they could not remember what they had for breakfast the same day. "Where are we?"
"Uh..." Butt-head then stood up as well. "I don't know."
The two looked at the cell door. Beavis did the first thing that came to mind and tried to push and pull on the door. No avail. "DAMN IT!"
Butt-head chuckled watching his friend try to figure anything out. "Dumb ass."
"SHUT UP!" Beavis tugged harder on the cell door.
"No dumb ass look." Butt-head then pointed to the keyhole on the cell door.
"Oh... Oh... Eh heh heh." Beavis was trying to put two and two together. Except he thinks it makes five. Anyway, "Hmm... Looks like we need something to stick in there."
"Uh huh huh. You said stick in there." Butt-head chuckled.
"Oh yeah. Eh heh heh." Beavis's eyes widened and chuckled.
"Uh hmmm..." Butt-head kept looking at the keyhole. "Maybe you should stick your weiner in there Beavis."
"No way Butt-head!" Beavis narrowed his beady eyes, "I'm not falling for that again. Not after you told me to stick it in a bug zapper."
"Oh yeah." Butt-head chuckled. "You should do that again."
Beavis kept looking at the keyhole. Butt-head then turned around to look at the unconscious Cadence, then at her horn. "Uh... hmmm..." He turned his head to see Beavis still trying to get get the door open. "Hey Beavis. We should stick Can't Dance's horn in the hole."
"Huh?" Beavis pulled on the bars some more.
"You know... stick her horn in the hole." Butt-head suggested as he chuckled.
"What?" Beavis tugged harder.
"Damn it Beavis are you stupid or something?" Butt-head then raised both his hands as one he used his thumb and index finger to make a hole. While his other hand closed all of his fingers except for his index, he then started to poke the finger through the hole suggesting.
"Ummm..." Beavis stopped, "You want us to stick our wieners in that pink horse?"
Butt-head slapped Beavis across the face, nothing too old to work. "You're a stupid butt munch Beavis. Now hurry up so we can lift Can't Dance's head towards the lock."
"Oh... okay then." Beavis rubbed his cheek. The two wasted no time propping Cadence up against the cell door. Beavis lifted her head to align her horn with the lock. "Eh heh heh... We're sticking it in."
"Uh huh huh... yeah." Butt-head chuckled as he held her up from behind. Then he sniffed, "For a princess pony her butt smells funny."
"Eh heh heh. She probably took a dump down here too." Beavis chuckled fasted as he tried to shift the pink horn in further.
"Uh huh huh. Yeah." Butt-head chuckled.
With the rustling and thrusting. It shook Cadence back into conscience as she dreamt that her wonderful husband was holding her in his forearms. With the constant chuckling and rustling, the eye closets to the sound snapped open. Those two hooligans were using her for something, was it possible she was being taken advantage of while she was asleep? Well no Cadence not in this way, don't have to worry about these two as they can't figure out how to use the toilet appropriately.
"Stick it in deeper Beavis. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.
"I'm trying! Her horn doesn't seem to be doing the job. Eh heh heh." Beavis grunted.
Cadence gasped, her horn been used for foul play? She grunted as her eyes narrowed, "PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!"
"Uh okay." Butt-head replied.
"Okay eh heh heh." Beavis turned his head.
"That's bet...WAH!" Well if you didn't get that. The two dropped her back on the hard stone floor. She winced in pain, "Gar..." Slowly she rose, "What...What is the meaning of this?"
"Uh... trying to get out butt dumpling." Butt-head replied as he used his thumb to point to the cell door.
"And that's why you used my horn? You just shoved it in there?" Cadence grunted, "For Celestia's sakes we don't even know where we are!"
"Uh... oh yeah." Butt-head chuckled.
"You said shoved in... Eh heh heh." Beavis brought up.
"Yeah." Butt-head chuckled along his friend.
"Will you two please shut up?" Cadence shouted while rubbing her forehead.
"Uh... no." Butt-head answered.
Just then, they heard voices coming from outside the cell. Drawing closer and closer and closer. It sounded like three of something. Something with raspy voices.
"Oh good... Princess pony and friends must wake up from fall."
"Yeah... They come at bad time..."
"Surface not holding well. Since Changeling queen took over."
"Hate changeling army. They take over anything. Cowards with shape shifting."
"Me know. Me know."
Cadence gasped softly, for her luck she was stuck with two idiots and figured she was in the lair of the Diamond Dogs. Well at least one of their lairs. "Of all the places to wake up in. It had to be with the Diamond Dogs. Twilight told me about them." She turned to look at the two teens, "Just follow my lead, they can't hurt a princess if they want to work out a deal."
"Uh... okay." Butt-head chuckled.
"Is this going to be like one of those hostage situations? Eh heh heh." Beavis asked. "Because I could go for some nachos. And some toilet paper."
Cadence hushed them, "Shhh..."
Just then on the outside of the cell door. Three familiar bipedal dog creatures approached and froze to look at the cell. One, which was total grey and wore a red vest grabbed onto two bars to look further in.
"Ah!" The red vested dog; Rover smiled. "It's those two again!"
"What? Really?" A smaller diamond dog with light brown fur; Spot looked in.
"Ah. Humans grant wish to diamond dogs." The larger diamond dog; Fido smirked.
"Uh... Hey." Butt-head chuckled. "Hey Beavis it's those butt monkeys from before."
"Whoa really?" Beavis asked, "Hey how's it going? Eh heh heh."
Cadence blinked. In a state of disbelief. "Wait... you know each other?"
"Uh... I guess so." Butt-head shifted his shoulders.
"Yeah remember Butt-head, that one said we can party with them anytime." Beavis pointed, "Then he barfed and passed out. Eh heh heh. That was cool."
"So uh... Can you like let us out?" Butt-head asked.
Rover nodded his head, "We quite in predicament ourselves. Changeling take over some of the mines we live in."
"The changelings took over Canterlot as well. That's why I need to get back there." Cadence then approached the cell door.
"With what?" Rover raised an eyebrow.
"I know where we can probably find some weapons. Maybe there are still some soldiers around that are willing to fight and..." Cadence started to pace around the rocky prison as she explained. "Only problem is that the changeling army out number the ponies."
"Why not wish for better weapons? Wish for more ponies to fight?" Fido suggested.
"Wish?" Cadence blinked.
"Oh yeah..." Butt-head chuckled. "We don't have the magic horn anymore."
The three diamond dogs gasped in surprise, "WHERE'D IT GO?!"
"Dumb ass here gave it to Dickord." Butt-head used his thumb to point to Beavis who was picking his nose.
"You gave a powerful magical item to a creature bent on chaos!?" Cadence shouted.
"Oh yeah... sorry about that." Beavis half assed his apology like everything else.
"Wait... big white gem might help." Rover brought up.
"Oh yeah. That big god damn rock we saw earlier that made the horn do better wishes." Beavis recalled, "Yeah I wished for porn!"
"Yeah but you got pony porn instead butt munch." Butt-head chuckled.
"Oh who knows what Discord and Chrysalis could be wishing for now!" Cadence was on the verge of tears. "By now he could be planning something drastic. Abusing its power for evil!"
Somewhere in the castle of Canterlot, the ponies that were spared during the raid. Some of them were picked by Discord himself for his own amusement. To do his sick little games, he made them slaves for himself. Alas his queen found amusement in it as well. To their dastardly deed, to have the ponies face humiliation... by rein-acting; Office Space. For Discord's amusement he made a nice cast using his slaves.
As for how it was going. Discord turned part of the courtroom into an entire inside of an office building work place. Each pony had their own cubicle to work in but since this was a reenactment only few ponies were doing anything important. Shining Armor dressed in a light green work shirt and tie was in his own cubicle just looking at his computer screen. As much as he hated doing stuff for Discord's amusement he had to think of something to break free. He looked around to see other ponies just waiting to be called on despite their hatred.
"Corporate Canterlot Payroll Mrs. Cake speaking... Just a moment." Mrs. Cake had a headset connected as she spoke into, "Corporate Canterlot Payroll Mrs. Cake speaking... Just a moment."
Shining Armor sighed as he turned back to his computer. Just then a familiar fashion pony walked into Shining's cubicle, "Hey Shining Armor. What's happening?" The captain turned around to see it was Fancy Pants wearing a pinkish work shirt, awful patterned tie and had suspenders supporting his pants up. Not called Fancy Pants for nothing. "We... Uh... Have sort of a problem here. Yeahhhhhhh... You apparently didn't put the new cover sheets on the TPS reports."
Shining Armor frowned. Had to remember his line, "Oh yeah... Sorry about that. I forgot."
"Yeahhhhhhh... We're putting the cover sheets on all the reports before they go out." Fancy Pants tilted his head, "Did you see the memo about this?"
"Yeah." Shining Armor nodded. "Yeah I got the memo right here." He pointed to it on his desk. "I just uh forgot. It's not shipping out until tomorrow so there's no problem."
"Yeahhhhh if you can remember to do that from now on that would be great. And I'll make sure you get another copy of that memo." Fancy Pants then took a sip of coffee from his mug he was levitating.
"Yeah I got it... I..." He levitated the piece of paper. Then he growled, "What am I doing here?"
"CUT!" Discord shouted from a megaphone, "Beautiful, every pony here is doing great! Now I want to get a scene with Fluttershy and her red stapler."
"Please don't... Please don't take my red stapler away." Fluttershy gripped the small office device in her arms, cradling it, "If they take away my red stapler... I'll burn down this entire place... if that's okay." She mumbled.
"Discord baby I just love the casting. Every pony fits into each role..." Chrysalis cuddled up next to Discord as he sat in a directors chair. "Do... you think I can use the horn for something?"
"Mmmm..." Discord stroked his beard to think, "Depends. What did you have in mind?"
"Oh... I just want a few tiny additions... Mmm... if you know what I mean." The queen purred.
Just then one of the changeling drones bursted through the throne room door in urgency. "My queen! My queen! Important news!"
Chrysalis grunted, "What is it?"
"There appears to be a strange alicorn downtown fighting our forces!" The changeling drone announced.
"Wait..." Chrysalis looked at the wall to see both Celestia and Luna were still shackled in place. "No those two are still there. Unless..." She growled. "No that stupid pink alicorn couldn't have escaped the caves down below! I just reinforced it with anti-magic shielding!"
"Oh.. This alicorn isn't pink! She's a black and white colored alicorn with white eyes!" The drone went on, "Plus she calls herself Nightmare Jinn!"
"Nightmare Jinn?" Chrysalis was puzzled.
Just then the alicorn sisters looked at each other, "Genie?"
"Genie?" Twilight turned her head.
"Our sister that was banished to another world long ago." Luna answer.
"Yes she demanding her horn back too!" The drone went on further. "And she wants to see our new king!"
"DISCORD!" A loud roar erupted from outside. "WHERE IS MY HORN!" Sounded so horrible the entire room shook.
Just then Discord was sliding his directors chair away from the screen shot. Trying to avoid any further confrontation, as he knew he was going to piss off both females. He knew he had to face her one of these days, he let out a sigh, "Great... right before I wanted to shoot the scene where they break the fax machine."
to be continued...
Author's Note
Funny how the movie Office Space was also something else from Mike Judge. Please don't take away Fluttershy's red stapler, she'll burn down the entire place.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
LONG LIVE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!
Chapter 25
Down in the darkened corridors of the underground caverns. Further, darker, further, walking straight into the darkness. Only source of light was a torch jiggling back and forth in the darkness being held up by one of the Diamond Dogs. Further and further, minutes passed but it felt like hours.
"Uh... Walking sucks." Butt-head said in an annoyed tone.
"Yeah... They should put an escalator or something." Beavis added.
Cadence sighed, "I agree for once..."
"Quiet." Rover growled, "White orb up ahead!"
The pink alicorn huffed in response. "Even if we do reach this orb. How is supposed to help?"
"Ugh... Is pony stupid?" Spot barked. "Maybe if pink pony uses orb with her horn. Maybe it might work like other horn!"
Cadence frowned at the insult. "That was uncalled for."
"Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled, "He called you stupid."
"Yeah." Beavis added.
Within another twenty minutes. They arrived to the familiar area they encountered before. The same white orb they saw earlier in its almighty glory. Pearl like, shining with gleam and beauty. The pink princess stared at it in awe. Nothing before has ever graced her eyes like this.
With a shake of disbelief, she asked, "How? What? How long was this thing down here for?"
"Many, many years." Rover brought up. "Always kept it down here for treasure. Hope one day to trade it for stuff."
"Like crap." Beavis chuckled.
The pink alicorn looked at the giant white marble in astonishment and surprise. With a slow approach, she wanted to take a closer look to see if it was real. Or at least get a better understanding of it.
"What's this doing here?" Cadence turned her head to look back at the Diamond Dogs.
"Been here since we were pups." Rover pointed. "Further than that even."
"I mean why?" The pink alicorn stomped her hoof in command. "Do you know what this even is?"
"Yeah. Big white ball!" Spot shrieked.
"Uh huh. You said ball." Butt-head repeated.
"O-oh yeah." Beavis chuckled.
"If I could expl..." Cadence was about to say.
Butt-head interrupted her without caring, "No. All you did was whine the entire time."
"THIS IS IMPORTANT!" Cadence yelled. "Now buckle down because I'm going to explain what this thing is!" The pink alicorn argued, had enough of the two's constant badgering and annoying laughs. "Long ago when Equestria was still youn... STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!"
Beavis pulled his finger out of his nostril then wiped a booger on a nearby rock, the pink alicorn squirmed at the sight. The blonde chuckled, "Eh heh. Sorry about that."
Meanwhile back at the castle. The vicious alicorn with a broken but still functional horn was bashing changelings left and right. She was vicious and had one thing on her mind; revenge. She kept yelling out, "DISCORD! COME OUT!"
The chimera's hostages were both confused and a little smug. Seeing Discord a little uncomfortable as the loud shriek from the streets below kept screaming his name in rage and demanded his appearance.
"DISCORD! I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF! SHOW YOURSELF!" Jinn hollered. Then proceeded to kick another changeling drone in the side of the head, just to cause it to smash into a nearby brick wall. With her broken horn she was able to perform some spells as the chains and rusted collars from the poor pony slaves broke off. The ponies did not know wither to thank their savior or run away from her evil looking presence.
"Oh some pony sounds like they're in trouble." Pinkie Pie giggled while still shackled to the wall.
The chimera only grunted while stroking his loose and long chin hair. "Seriously I do not need your bubbly little attitude right now."
"She sounds pretty ticked Discord. You should go down there and say hello." Pinkie smiled.
Discord frowned, "That is the stupidest thing ever."
Pinkie let her face droop sadly, "Just trying to help."
"Well don't." Discord grunted.
"Give it up Discord. It's already looking bad for you if that alicorn can beat the changeling queen's army by herself." Twilight remarked, her black framed glasses dropped slowly down her nose. "Stupid glasses."
"DISCORD!" Jinn roared.
"Face it Discord. You lost." Celestia added.
"I do not think so." Discord chuckled, "All I have to do is to convince her to my side. And all will be well."
"You don't think our sister is dumb enough to fall for that?" Luna asked aloud.
"Hey it worked for those two idiots." Discord smirked.
"Honey. I do not want that THING coming in between us." Chrysalis purred as she rubbed her body against the chimera.
"Uh... Yeah my queen, this is getting a little serious." Discord scratched his cheek with his paw. "I kind of promised her if we meet up again we would... uh... try again for old times."
The queen snarled as her eyes narrowed, "You mean I sacrificed my army for you just to hook back up again with an ancient hussy!"
"Was not so ancient when I was with her. Guess its like they say, some mares age like fine wine others like bad milk..." Discord smirked. "Besides I got her horn and I can pretty much do what I..."
Just then a loud crash ruptured through the palace throne room destroying the royal balcony in the process. The ponies turned their heads away to try and shield their faces away from the explosion. The dust settled after a moment. With a deep female growl emerging from the cloud, a dark hoof stepped through the cloud of dust. A pair of white evil glowing eyes beamed through the cloud.
*CLOP*
*CLOP*
The white-mane, black furred alicorn stepped forward. Emerging from the dust cloud. Her teeth clenched around a weak changeling that was unlucky enough to meet her wrath. The sound of flesh tearing away from the dead changeling poured eerily through the ponies ears. Her slightly opened and then changeling dropped, green blood splattered all over what was left of the royal palace floor.
Discord had two options. He prepared for this day, or not maybe. Who knows. In case he were to ever meet up with a disgruntled former mare friend, an apology might work if not, blast her into stone. The alicorn set dead eyes onto the chimera.
"Oh... Hi honey." Discord waved with his paw and put on a fake smile.
"DON'T HI HONEY ME!" Jinn hollered. "DID YOU KNOW THE PAIN AND LONLINESS I WENT THROUGH THE PAST MANY YEARS?!"
"Well... Er... uh." Discord stroked his beard. "Well It's not like I was not encased in stone for the past thousand years ether."
"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING HORSE'S ASS!" Jinn hollered. Her eyes dead set now on the horn in Discord's hand. "Is that my horn?" She growled in question.
"Oh this?" Discord scratched his cheek with it. "Hmm... Don't remember."
"STOP STALLING! I CAME FOR MY HORN! AND WHEN I GET IT I'M GOING TO BLAST YOU TO MARS!" Jinn roared.
"Oh... Well now I don't think I want to give it back then." Discord chuckled. "So far as I see it, you're doing alright with a tiny chunk of whatever horn you have left still embedded into your head.."
"DON'T TOY WITH ME CHIMERA!" Jinn roared so loud it echoed throughout the castle. Almost causing the walls to break.
"T..T...Racist." Discord waved his finger.
The changeling queen stepped up to the chimera's side. "Honey why don't you just blast this thing with the horn so we can be done with it?"
"AND WHO THIS?!" Jinn pointed with her hoof.
"Oh... Uh. Well she's my... uh." Discord coughed. "Well..."
"I'm his queen!" Chrysalis purred as she used her tail to stroke up against the chimera. "Both of us conquered Canterlot effortlessly. Now all that's left is to shape it like we want. By the way..." Chrysalis frowned, "Who in the blue Tartarus are you?"
Nightmare Jinn growled to the point where she almost popped a vain. "I'M HIS WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS CHILD!"
The mane six gasped to this revealed secret. They turned to look at Celestia and Luna, who looked down ashamed.
"Discord had a kid with your sister?" Rainbow Dash almost gagged. "Yuck..."
Celestia sighed, "Yes... they had a filly."
"Oh my." Fluttershy squeaked.
"Is it any pony we know?" Twilight asked.
Celestia only sighed... "It's..."
Meanwhile...
"And that's the story of why I have to use this orb right here to become a new wish-making pony. To honor my mother's fall from grace as... I thought I would never see it ever. It's power is trying to sway me... Telling me that I need to help purge the chaos brought onto Canterlot." The pink alicorn finished and sighed sadly. "And that's my story..."
"Uh... that story sucked." Butt-head frowned.
"Yeah. They're like no boobs or explosions or anything." Beavis chuckled.
Cadence only grunted. It was like talking to a wall with these two. The alicorn asked the diamond dogs if she could use the orbs power, of course they would want something in return. Cadence agreed for now then looked up at the orb in front of herself. Its giant glow illuminated the entire cave, bringing light as she stood up. Her horn emitted a spark of magic. Her blue aura, would suddenly be engulfed in whiteness. The alicorn grunted as the orb let a serpent like aura coil itself around her horn. If you saw Sailor Moon you would know about the special effects crap by now. Blah, blah, blah. Beavis and Butt-head stood there like their usual selves.
After a moment of absorbing the orbs power, the pink alicorn turned to the two teenagers with a grin on her face. "You two, in order to save Canterlot and Equestria. I am going to have to grant wishes, so I'm depending on you two."
"Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "I wish for nachos."
Cadence's horn quickly flashed and in Beavis's hands were a plate of tortilla chips and melted cheese.
"Whoa." Beavis smiled, "These look better."
"Try wishing for something bigger! So we can fight Discord and the changeling queen!" Cadence sternly remarked.
"Uh... I wish for a monster truck." Butt-head chuckled, and with that Cadence's horn flashed. In front of the diamond dogs landed a nearly fifteen foot vehicle with giant wheels.
"Off to a good start!" Cadence smirked. "Wish for an army! Wish for weapons! Wish so we can win!"
"Oh I get it." Beavis, "I wish for some candy."
"We don't have time for candy!" Cadence frowned.
"Uh... You'll see." Butt-head chuckled.
Just them bags of candy feel to the ground and Beavis started shoving them into his mouth. Handful after handful he started to shake faster and faster and faster until finally...
With his shirt over his head, he stood proudly and moronic in front of the entire diamond dog population. His quick attitude change somehow brought morale to the new army he helped put together consisting of mostly diamond dogs and stray ponies who escaped Canterlot earlier. With his hands held up high as he violently shook.
"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! WE WILL TAKE THIS LAND AND RENAME IT TITICACA!" Beavis shook ever more violently, "LONG LIVE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE! YOU WILL ALL KICK EM IN THE NADS!"
"LONG LIVE THE BUNGHOLE! LONG LIVE THE BUNGHOLE! LONG LIVE THE BUNGHOLE!" The army chanted with their newly acquired weapons in hand and hooves.
"MY BUNGHOLE GOES RATATATATA!" Beavis shouted the started to walk in a random direction.
"The exit is out that way!" Cadence pointed out.
Beavis quickly turned, "ARE YOU THREATNING ME?!"
Cadence sighed, Butt-head only chuckled while he was too busy looking at a nudie magazine.
"THEY CAN TAKE OUR LAND! BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR TP!" Beavis shouted. "AND OUR CHICKS AND STUFF..."
Author's Note
note: well, there you go another chapter. shaping up quite nicely huh? please excuse the bad grammar. also, a little mystery going on here.
please note that i stayed up very late to finish and upload this chapter. there could be a billion mistakes in here but i'm glad its uploaded first.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Chapter 26
*BAM*
"UGH!" The changeling queen fell back after being on the receiving end of a magical blast of energy. There stood on the opposite side of the room, the alicorn with nothing else to lose fired another blast and hit the changeling square in the face. Again and again, Jinn fired away and every time her magic would hit the mark.
The mane six along with the captive could only watch from the sidelines. Being chained to the wall and unable to do magic and all. Discord, the agent of chaos only sat on tacky couch with a bowl of popcorn watching the cat fight. Jinn dominated the fight but received a few jabs in return. Her anger fueled her and hardly felt any pain because of the adrenaline, but slowly it started to take its toll.
"Yah!" Discord cheered from his reclining chair.
"You do know Nightmare Jinn is beating your partner right?" Twilight continued to hang; shackled to the wall as she pointed out.
"Oh pish posh." Discord chuckled. "I have not seen a good cat fight in a while." He pretended to use his lions paw to mimic a cat. "Meow."
Just then Chrysalis dropped a giant marble pillar on top of Jinn. The changeling queen then fished the dark alicorn out with her own levitation spell. Chrysalis then forcefully shot Jinn through a nearby wall, then through another, then another. Jinn tried to break away but then suddenly crashed through another wall and a few pillars.
"It's over honey." Chrysalis smirked. "It's going to take a magical army to defeat mine. Plus it looks like you run out of spark." With a menacing victorious laugh she said. "You could go on, but since you have a broken horn you have no chance to go on any further."
The large doors to the throne room busted open as a group of changelings rushed in. One of them spoke, "My queen! Another attacker!"
The queen scowled, "Another one? What is it this time? Another alicorn?"
"Yes my queen! The one that you imprisoned down below has escaped somehow!" The changeling soldier explained.
"AGAIN?!" Crysalis growled.
"Yeah maybe you should not use the same plan twice." Discord waved a little foam finger around.
"SHUT UP!" Crysalis roared.
"I'm just saying the first time worked so well." Discord chuckled.
"Guards! Where is the little pink puke stain now?" The queen roared in question.
"If you take watch out from the balcony you can see!" The drone pointed out.
The changeling queen rushed over the terrace overlooking the entire city. It was in flames sure, but something out in the distance caught her evil eye. What would seem like black ants in the distance now were charging at full force. The biggest ant; looked like it was faster than the rest and the loudest. The other black ants were shooting off sticks that made loud noises and bright lights. She heard the cries of her army being pummeled.
"No. This is not possible." The queen shook her head fiercely.
Discord soon joined her as he held a bowl of popcorn he was now eating. "Hmm." He popped a few pieces into his mouth. "Looks like your army is getting squashed again."
"Reports are saying that the leader is proclaiming that he wants us to hand over all our..." The drone looked at the note, "TP?"
"The Faust is TP?" The queen asked.
"I asked that same question earlier!" Rainbow Dash yelled from the background.
"Ugh..." Jinn groaned as she tried to leave the rubble.
"Sister!" Celestia cried.
"Ugh." Jinn finally regained her balance, but only met with another blast to the torso from the queen's magic. She tumbled over again as he chest faced up, heaving up and down slowly. The queen quickly lathered a strong goo to the alicorns hooves so she could not move. "If I only had my horn..."
"SISTER!" Luna shouted.
"There is no way I'm losing again. Not to a group of little ponies and not to another alicorn." The queen muttered. "For whoever is out there, I will crush... I will crush you..." The black ants starting to take form. A vast colorful army on the borders of Canterlot leaving a trail of battered changeling bodies behind them. Sounds of engines roaring filled the air along with war cries and boom sticks going off.
"How savage. Could that little pink princess really have made a force like this?" The queen wondered. "No. She is the preachy and friendly type. Unless..."
"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO !"
"The Faust is that?" The queen asked out loud.
"GIMME ALL YOUR TP!"
Meanwhile outside the castle and in the outer edge of Canterlot. Beavis stood proudly on top on the back of a giant red monster truck with Butt-head driving it. Cadence sat in the passenger seat, actually enjoying the fight. It was not easy for her to accept at first but it caved in. She was their weapon to fight Discord and the queen.
"DIE! DIE FOR THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"
"FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Beavis was in his personal heaven where there was plenty of destruction all around. Flames, carnage, busted down buildings reduced to rubble. He had followers of nearly all races fighting for him armed with whatever he found 'cool'. The Diamond Dogs wielded machine guns and some of them drove tanks. A few minotaurs were firing away with gatling guns and rocket launchers. Zebras and earth ponies used flamethrowers. Unicorns provided shields and chucked grenades here and there. Pegasi ponies flew ahead of the army and played air guitars that shot lasers. Dragons flew in and gobbled up changlings and shot fire everywhere. Did I mention there was a lot of fire?
"IN THIS LAND! WE WILL LIBERATE IT FOR THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"
"Uh huh huh. This is cool." Butt-head chuckled as he used the monster truck to run over the city statues with one inch tall tires.
"Not the liberation I had in mind but it will do." Cadence tried to hold on the best she could with her hooves on the dashboard as the ride was a bumpy one.
"YEAHHHHHHHHHH!" Beavis chanted. "YOU WILL ALL FEEL THE WRATH OF MY BUNGHOLE!"
"ALL HEIL THE BUNGHOLE!" His army chanted.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Iron Will roared as he fired his RPG.
"Hey let's put on some kick ass music while we're at it." Butt-head fiddled with the radio dial. "Uh huh huh." Soon a familiar tune rang out through the speakers.
"YEAH! YEAH! NINETY-NINE WAYS TO DIE!" Beavis shook violently with his shirt still over his head.
IF I SEE THE MORNING HOURS
I'LL HAVE ONE MORE YESTERDAY
TAKE LIFE FROM TOMORROW
CAUSE I'VE BURNED OUT MY TODAY
IF I GET UP TO THE TOP I KNOW
I'LL JUST GO BACK DOWNHILL
GOTTA' TERMINAL FUTURE
AND IT'S TIME TO WRITE MY WILL
DOWN ANOTHER GLASS OF COURAGE
AND A SHOT OF THORAZINE
"YEAH! YEAH!" The diamond dogs chanted as they blasted away at the oncoming changelings. Piercing their black bodies with lead.
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
GOTTA' SHORT BETWEEN THE EARPHONES
WRINGING MY HANDS IN DISMAY
A MORE EFFICIENT MANIAC
WITH TWO FEET IN THE GRAVE
AIN'T GOT NO LAST WORDS TO SAY
YELLOW STREAK RIGHT UP MY SPINE
THE GUN IN MY MOUTH WAS REAL
AND THE TASTE BLEW MY MIND
IN A BLACK TIE AND STRAIGHT JACKET
MAN I'M GONNA TRY AGAIN
*BOOM*
Another piece of city property crushed underneath the monster truck's large tire. The pink alicorn bounced up and down in her seat trying to hold on. Slowly her smirk turned into a smile. "This is actually fun!"
*CRUNCH*
"The sound of a dead changeling under the tire." Cadence smirked. "So satisfying."
"MORE TP! MORE TP FOR THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE FOR I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL CORNHOLIO!" Beavis roared with fascination with his work.
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
DEMITASSE OF ARSENIC
TRY ON THIS TIE
NEVER MIND THE TREE
THERE IS ONLY DEATH AND DANGER
IN THE SOCKETS OF MY EYES
A PLAYGROUND OF ILLUSION
NO ONE PLAYS THEY ONLY DIE
"YES! YES! MEGADETH ROCKS!" Butt-head threw his arm up into the air and shook his head back and forth.
THERE'S A PRISON IN MY MIND
AND THE BARS ARE GONNA BREAK
I'M AS MAD AS A HATTER
AND STRUNG OUT JUST THE SAME
TAUNTING RIGOR MORTIS
I FEEL IT DRAW ME IN
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
WE'RE NOT READY
WE'RE NOT READY
"My, that certainly gets the adrenaline pumping." Cadence smirked.
*CRUNCH*
"Another one bites the dust." The pink alicorn clapped her hoofs together.
"FIRE!" Beavis exclaimed. "FIRE!"
Carnage... Destruction... It was happening everywhere. The new alliance either crushed or burnt their opposition with barely little to no difficulty. Property smashed in the process though some ponies took liberty to free the slaves. The slaves either ran for shelter or picked up a weapon to contribute to fight the thousands upon thousands of changelings left. The battle was fierce but made progress.
"Oh good, the Sparkle residence is still intact." Cadence sighed in relief. The familiar home of her beloved husband and sister-in-law where she spent at least once or twice a week just working there. How she enjoyed it...
"Uh... Butt-head we're getting a bit too close to the house." Cadence tried to convince the driver to steer away. The brunette continued to chuckle, the pink alicorn then turned her head to look at him. "Seriously you can divert to another street!"
*CRUNCH*
"Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled. "Whoops."
"You just flattened my husband's childhood home!" Cadence shrieked.
"Uh... So?" Butt-head replied.
"We could have avoided that!" Cadenced yelled. "I used to babysit Twilight there!"
"Uh... Everything else is either crushed or on fire." Butt-head remarked. "Place probably sucked anyway. Uh huh huh. Bet they didn't pay you well."
"YAH!" Beavis threw a firebomb onto the crumbled residence as it quickly caught fire.
Cadence paused. Early memories of finishing her job of foal sitting usually costed her weekend just taking care of Twilight. She could have went out with friends instead having fun. Plus Mr. Sparkle never paid her that well and never gave her a tip. Every Friday or Saturday she had to watch Twilight do something stupid, not that she did not enjoy it, but she rather do other stuff.
"You're right!" Cadence smirked. "Turn around! I want to piss on the ashes!" Butt-head turned the monster truck around smashing a few park benches along the way to smash the remaining walls of the Sparkle home. He rounded the property many times, even backed up to run it over some more.
"I DON'T KNOW ANY OF YOU!" Beavis screamed the truck went around and around.
Cadence quickly jumped out of the passenger seat and took a small whiz on the small fire. It quickly went out with the smoke rising to the sky.
With a satisfying smirk, Cadence spit on the ashes. "That was for wasting my weekends for years, you ignorant cheap assholes!" Quickly the pink alicorn flew back up into the passenger seat.
"That felt great!" Cadence smiled. "How often do you get to smash your in-laws house?"
"Uh. Not often." Butt-head chuckled as he stepped on the gas. Fire shot from out of the many exhaust pipes from the back of the truck giving them a boost in speed.
"They're causing more damage than liberating out there." Chrysalis astonished by her new opponents.
"Oh I just love the chaos out there." Discord mischievously trickled his fingers together over and over. "Leave it to two horny teenagers that love destruction to do a job right."
The pink pony gasped. "Mr. Beavis and Mr. Butt-head are out there fighting?"
Discord finished the last of his popcorn and tossed the bucket aside. "Yes Pinkie Pie those two fart knocking butt munches are riding around in a death machine shooting off flames. Totally destroying Chrysalis's army like they were wet tissue paper."
"Grr..." The queen growled. She watched wave after wave of her army, her own children falling to two teenagers with a ridiculous army.
"Yes, changelings are weak against fire. I just remembered that." Discord snapped his fingers.
"MY CHILDREN!" The queen harked. "DO NOT LET THE ENEMY TO GAIN ANOTHER STEP!" Suddenly with the noise of engines polluting the outside, it was getting close. The queen watched as her forces form a barricade of their own bodies. More and more formed in the back even stood on each other's bodies to intimidate the opposing force.
"Hey I was just wondering brothers." One changeling pondered.
"What's that?" Another asked.
"Well the enemy has a few death machines on wheels crushing our siblings and we're standing here to stop them." The first changeling brought up.
"And?" The other replied.
"You know what screw this." The first changeling left the formation but it was too late. The roaring engine pierced their hearing and before the drone knew it; his siblings crushed underneath the titan sized tire. Their green blood and guts smeared all over the ground and covered the nearby brick walls, even the plants and guards that were still trying to fight with their remaining strength.
Meanwhile up above; Crysalis let out an ear-piercing scream for frustration. "THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!"
"Well you got numbers but they're only good for swarming an opponent. Not giant death machines that blast hard-core death metal that could squash them." Discord smirked.
"Shut up!" The queen roared. "You knew this would happen!"
"Mwah?" Discord shifted his animal hands to his chest as he tried to play innocent.
*CRASH*
"Great. Now they're in my new castle rolling around in that machine." Chrysalis growled. "MY LEGION! STORM THE HALLS AND MAKE SURE THEY DO NOT GET UP HERE!"
"Yes my queen!" The remaining changelings within the throne room jolted out of her sight.
"Now there is a big stinking hole in the front of the castle." The queen sighed. She then turned her attention back to the ponies. "Who knew two dysfunctional creatures could cause all this." She trotted up to the mane six. "Where did these two come from again?"
"Uh..." Rainbow Dash tried to remember.
"Um." Pinkie tried to as well.
"Someplace called Highland I think?" Twilight recalled. "They really did not show much pride for the place.
"Yeah they said it sucked." Rainbow brought up.
"Please don't use that word Rainbow." Twilight frowned. "I grew a bit intolerant of it."
Pinkie and Rainbow looked at each other with a smirk, took a deep breath then started shouting, "SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!"
"SHUT UP!" Twilight yelled at the two. "I'M TIRED OF YOU TWO PROTECTING THEM ALL THE TIME! AND I'M DONE WITH THIS ASSIGNMENT!"
Celestia gasped. "Twilight you don't mean that."
"I SURE DO!" Twilight hollered. "I wasted my time trying to learn from them! Send me back to magic kindergarten if you want because I am done! If we ever do make it out this, I'm looking for a spell to send them back!"
"If anything is still around darling." Rarity added.
*VROOM, VROOM, VROOM*
With the sound of tire screeching, every pony in the throne room knew what was going to come next.
*BAM*
Without effort the oversized door crumbled down as the red rolling death machine forced its way through the hallway. Everything behind them was either smashed to bits, in tiny flames or have tire marks all over the place. Butt-head with one last moment to spare performed wide spins around the room as the two teens mockingly performed a guitar riff with their voices.
"YAY!" Pinkie laughed and renewed her hope for the two.
"Well got to hand it to those two; they sure do know to make an entrance." Applejack chuckled.
"One heck of an entrance too!" Rainbow squealed in happiness as she watched as the truck fire flames from the exhaust pipes.
"Those... two?" Jinn blinked as her weakened body tried to move.
The captive ponies looked upon their saviors. Their enemies watched with caution. The blonde still in the back of the truck stood tall with his arms raised.
"RUN AS YOU MAY! YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!" Jets of fire again shot from the pipes near his head. "WHOA! That was cool. Eh heh heh." He then went back to looking at Discord and Chrysalis, "SURRENDER ALL YOUR TP OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"
Author's Note
99 Ways to Die-MegaDeth (also on the Beavis and Butt-head Experience CD)
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Kicking Discord in the Nads
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
Note: I have to be honest with this chapter. I had trouble starting it because when you got multiple stories going along with some other works. It can get distracting where one project overtakes the others. I also wrote myself into a corner so please take this lightly.
Chapter 27
The battle raged on with the changelings and the resistance within the castle halls. Damage ranging over the millions of bits and still climbing. The flames continued to eat away at whatever tapestry or fine rug it could chew within its fiery maw. Changeling drone bodies laid waste in the various hallways as well as injured resistance soldiers trying to treat their fallen comrades or continue fighting. The battle was long and destructive as the walls crumbled from powerful attacks from the rainbow guitars or many rockets spraying all over.
Well that's what I would be saying if I wanted to draw this out any further. But I don't any longer so let's just cut to the last act.
With the castle of Canterlot demolished as huge chunks of rock fell off the mountain side. The ever-growing fire raged on throughout the capital of Equestria. Each side took huge losses and every pony helped as much as they could to protect the weak and escort others to safety. One final explosion boomed from the former castle. Twilight Sparkle with the assistance from her brother; Shining Armor raised a giant shield to protect whoever they could from the blast including their friends and family. Chrysalis and the rest of her troops coincidentally all out of stamina to continue fighting and stayed on the sidelines. Luna and Celestia tried to secure their lost sister into protection, they lost her once but swear to not lose her again this time. Meanwhile our heros Beavis and Butt-head just stood there and admired the fire and destruction. But Discord... Discord had enough.
All that stood from the ruined castle was Discord and the two teens. And the draconequus was not pleased. His careful plan to take back Equestria... Ruined. Ruined by two idiotic teens who cannot even read correctly. The two teens kept laughing despite receiving a few charred marks over parts of their body earlier. As much as he liked toying with others, Discord knew that these two could not be reasoned with. They were... They were just stupid and yet they came up with a plan to come back with an army?
"Well Discord?" Chrysalis coughed from the ash. "Did you factor in these two ever getting revenge?"
The draconequus stroked his white straggly beard while one eye twitched. "Oh for pete's sakes."
"Eh heh heh. Pete." The blonde chuckled.
"Face it Discord! You lost!" Rainbow Dash shouted from inside the shield.
"There is no where else left for you two to go!" Twilight added.
"No." Discord shook his head furiously. "No. This was all going so perfectly."
"Can't you just magic up some more defenses?" Chrysalis barked.
Discord then cranked his head towards the changeling queen. "Well my dear. I think now is the point where I think this is not working out between us."
The queen growled as her front hooves slammed into the broken tiles. "You better not be planning on cutting me out!"
"Cutting?" Discord smirked. "No dear. I was..." With a quick snap of his fingers a giant wooden mallet appeared out of thin air. Discord quickly grabbed the heavy tool with ease by its handle.
"YOU FOO-!" Chrysalis and her the remaining of her forces were smacked by the mallet with force of probably five hundred anti-changeling force fields "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL..."
The ponies watched in confusion and shock. The god of chaos rested his paw over his eyes to continue watching the changeling queen fly farther and farther out of the reaches of their sight. Until nothing was left, only the carnage left in Canterlot.
"Hmmm." Discord scratched his chin. "Probably should have used a golf club so I could have made a Tiger Woods reference."
"Uhhhhhh... Huh huh. You said woods." Butt-head pointed out.
"Yeah heh heh heh." Beavis chuckled. "But first he said tiger."
"Uhhh... I don't get it." Butt-head turned to his friend.
"Eh heh heh. You know like. Pull on the tigers tail?" Beavis chuckled faster.
"Oh yeah. Uh huh huh." Butt-head started to laugh.
"What was the point of that Discord!?" Twilight demanded for the god of chaos to answer. A lot of famous leaders throughout history resorted to the extremes once they were cornered. But to the chaos bringer, he could afford this major strike. The changelings were not doing him a simple service anyway. They fell like dominos one after the other.
"I feel like ending this my little ponies." Discord whisked his weapon away with as simple flick of his feline wrist. "That's why I'm going to make a deal with our fine friends here."
The mane six gasped as they gazed over to the two teens in question. From what they learned, their track record in Equestria was deplorable and chaotic. Hell, practically stupid from just looking at them. The chaotic serpent slithered around the two idiots and cracked a devious smile.
"My boys. The two of you have achieved so much chaos in a little amount of time." Discord cackled. "More than I ever wish to dish out from the start. So I will fill you in. All of this can be yours, if..."
"Uh... If what?" Butt-head chuckled.
"If you two play a little game with me. Best two out of three wins Equestria and the loser has to be imprisoned in stone." Discord dubiously offered. "I will select one game for the three of us to play, you two pick the other two. Since I'm so generous."
Rarity coughed.
Discord slid his gaze back onto the two teens after being distracted. "You two can pick the first and last competition."
"Uh. What's that about being stoned?" Butt-head asked with wide anxious eyes.
"YEAH! YEAH! LET'S GET STONED!" Beavis chuckled while waving his fists anxiously.
"Not that way you two dolts!" Discord frowned. "As in turning into stone to be displayed in the garden."
The two frowned. "Eh. I usually need to poop after messing around in Anderson's garden."
Butt-head turned to his friend. "Remember last year he won first prize?"
"That's disgusting!" Twilight yelled out from behind the rubble.
"Shut up Twiny Spermcell, no one is talking to you!" Beavis turned and shouted at the purple unicorn. "NOW SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!"
Twilight rolled her eyes while her friends giggled.
"Yeah." Rainbow Dash giggled. "Dumb ass."
"Tee hee." Pinkie joined in.
"Don't talk about my sister that way!" Shining hollered.
"Honey, just let him have this." Cadence pulled her husband back to her side. "I'm sure he will apologize after this all over."
"Uh... No we won't." Butt-head chuckled.
"Enough!" Nightmare Jinn shouted. "PLAY YOUR GAME SO WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH! I WANT TO TEAR YOU BIT BY BIT MYSELF DISCORD!"
"Temper. Temper." Discord waggled his finger. He looked down at the two teens. "So, what is the first game?"
"Uh..." Butt-head hummed.
"Eh..." Beavis picked his nose.
1 hour later...
"Uh..." Butt-head continued.
"Era..." Beavis frowned.
2 hours later...
The game was thinned down to one. Most likely because Beavis and Butt-head had no idea how to play any other game. One idea did pop into their tiny brains. Discord went all out with the details of setting up a giant arena filled with whatever slaves he had left and somehow fit the rebels in as well but held them in place in their seats. Did not want them missing out of ruling all of Equestria.
Nightmare Jinn however. Did not want to play anymore games. She wanted Discord's reign to end where she can punish him in her own way. With the event foretold of a game of roshambo, her plan set to motion as she focused whatever magic she had left into the blond teen's shoes. It was a deadly move on her behalf, but she rather not worry.
"ARE YOU READY?!" Discord roared happily into the crowd. Many of them rooted for his despair, many of them chanted death threats. Discord cringed, "Ohh. Not very nice language for the kids to hear."
"EAT A DICK!" Applebloom shouted.
"APPLEBLOOM!" Applejack scolded her sister.
"Silence please!" Discord waved. "I will now explain the rules of Roshambo. It will be a one on one competition where one contestant kicks another contestant in the balls. If still standing, they will have a chance to return a kick to the other contestant. The competition will continue until one falls!"
"Sounds barbaric." Rarity blinked. Her friends agreed as they all sat in the front row to watch. With the princesses chained down as well, there was not much else the mane six and others could do.
"Hey uh... Where exactly is Discord's nads?" Dash asked.
"Huh?" Twilight pondered. "Makes you wonder why Discord even agreed to this then."
"Don't fail me..." Jinn, the nightmare version of Princess Genie slowly drifted off into the world of the unconscious. Her magic drained earlier to put her hope into an idiot child. Her magic acting like a guide, to know where to point and to add power to the kick. Quickly her sisters took notice and tried to nudge her awake.
to be continued.. now...
Beavis thrusts his black shoe into the lower abdomen of the agent of chaos who allowed him to go first. Praying that it would hit something round. Butt-head stood to the side laughing as usual while Discord stood proudly with his chest forward knowing that the idiot wouldn't find his prized balls.
"HA-ha...oh... da..." Discord felt a tight pain in his crotch area.
And with that... Discord fell to the ground holding himself. He loudly gasped for air. The crowd was silent that moment. Trying to digest what had happened. The impossible, became possible. The winner was the psychotic teen who liked lighting fire to ant hills and scratching himself
Pinkie Pie then smiled. And bounced from her seat. "MISTER BEAVIS DID IT!"
"BEAVIS KICKED DISCORD IN THE NADS!" Rainbow Dash roared in happiness.
"THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE HAS SET YOU ALL FREE!" Beavis pulled his shirt over his head. "LONG LIVE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"
"LONG LIVE THE BUNGHOLE! LONG LIVE THE BUNGHOLE!" The crowd chanted.
Discord then puked onto the ground while still holding himself.
"DA-NA NA-NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NAH-NAH-NAHHHHHHHHHH!" the two teens then pretended to play air guitars for the crowd.
To be continued... For real...
Author's Note
Yeah sorry but this was a short chapter because of other things coming up. I'm sorry, grammar is terrible and I'm sure there are some punctuation problems but right now I just can't work with getting this stuff checked over right now. So here's the first draft if anything.
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Remember That Kill Dozer Movie?
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
The changeling queen circled around the two menacing teenagers. Inspecting every inch from their black shoes to their weird shaped noses. She could smell the chaos reeking from their very soul. She liked what she smelled.
"Beavis did you cut the cheese?" Butt-head waved the foul oder away from his face.
Beavis only chuckled, "Uh. Maybe. Eh heh heh."
Chrysalis frowned, that smell was not what she meant earlier. She arched her neck back up to speak, "Do you two want to cause some chaos?"
Butt-head frowned, "Uh... maybe later. Right now I just want to nap."
"Yeah. Eh heh." Beavis scratched his ass, "Pretty tired for the day."
"Sucks though because there's no chicks around here to entertain us or anything." Butt-head brought up.
"Yeah. Pony porn has its limits. Sure a pony's ass looks like a huge butt of a chick but the rest who gives a shit." Beavis frowned.
Chrysalis nodded, "I understand you are attracted to chickens then?"
Beavis and Butt-head stared at each other then frowned.
"Eh. No. Chicks like in girls." Beavis arched his eyebrows.
"Yeah. Dumb ass." Butt-head chuckled.
Chrysalis puckered her lips then nodded, "Ah. My mistake. Female versions of your own species."
"You said feces." Butt-head chuckled.
"Eh. I'm sure she said species Butt-head." Beavis corrected his friend only to get slapped upside the head. "AH!"
"Damn it Beavis don't correct me!" Butt-head warned.
Beavis only rubbed his cheek in response with a pained look. As a result from the hit a few pictures fell out of the blonde's pocket to reveal underwear models. Chrysalis looked at the images to get an idea. This is what they meant.
"If I were to please you with females then will you do what I want?" Chrysalis sneered. Six of her changeling minions buzzed in through the window.
"Ugh. More ponies." Butt-head frowned.
"I don't know Butt-head. Maybe if we never get home maybe if we close our eyes and pretend they're chicks and..." Beavis was met with another slap across the face. "OW!"
"Damn it Beavis this brony crap is pissing me off!" Butt-head muttered.
Chrysalis smirk and tapped her hoof to the ground. Her minions nodded to each other then changed into something Beavis and Butt-head have not seen in a while. There were six good looking female humans standing there posing.
The two teens stood there, mouths open wide.
"Oh dear god Butt-head is this real?" Beavis stared wide eyed at the girls in front of them.
"It sure is Beavis." Butt-head mumbled. "Come to Butt-head."
The two reached out to touch the girls, only for them to poof back into changeling.
Beavis was the first to react with his arms flailing, "NO! NO! NOOOO! CHANGE BACK DAMN IT!"
"Yeah this sucks!" Butt-head demanded also.
"Easy boys. I just need you to do something for me." Chrysalis hissed.
"Ah damn it." Beavis lowered his arms.
"Yeah some big hairy weiner dragon just told us do stuff now you want us to do something too?" Butt-head frowned.
Chrysalis raised an eyebrow, "By curiosity what was this dragon's name?"
"Uhhh... I don't remember." Butt-head chuckled.
"Something cock." Beavis chuckled faster.
"What idiot goes by the name of that?" The queen wondered, "Well anyway. I want you to break up the elements of harmony."
"Uh. Okay." Butt-head replied. "As long as we get chicks."
"Yeah! I WANT ONES WITH BIG BOOBS!" Beavis shouted frantically.
"So we have a deal?" The queen asked.
"Does the princess crap in the woods?" Butt-head asked.
Chrysalis was dumb founded, "So... yes?"
"I guess." Butt-head chuckled.
"Yeah probably." Beavis frowned.
"Probably the best answer I'm ever going to get out of you." Chrysalis rolled her eyes, "Rest up for tomorrow. The element bearers must be broken up so the changeling army can take over Canterlot. And don't tell any pony, you will be heavily rewarded."
"Eh. What?" Beavis picked his nose.
"Yeah who are you again?" Butt-head asked.
Chrysalis pursed her lip, "Just go you two. Remember, you get all the chicks you want." Just then the queen engulfed herself in the green flames and turned back into the image of princess Cadence. "Make the changeling army proud..." She turned and walked off.
"Uh. What were we supposed to do again?" Butt-head turned to his friend.
"Eh. I think we forgot to write Cunterlot sucks." Beavis chuckled.
"Oh yeah." Butt-head chuckled, "Then we will blame it on Tinkle."
The two laughed as threw sprayed more graffiti on the walls. The spray cans ran empty and then the two decided to leave to catch on some sleep. The next night was finally the Great Galloping Gala. Every pony was coming this time to enjoy the festivities and as promised. Beavis and Butt-head prepared nachos for the ponies to enjoy. No burgers sadly to repeat what happened at the fashion show. Rarity made sure the teens were dressed in their best suits as well as her friends. Wearing a vastly improved version of the gala dresses the mane six were prepared. Walking around the castle and to dance in the ballroom. Beavis and Butt-head were bored out of their skulls. Unfortunately Celestia had a small project going on outside in her court yard area involving hot tar and a steam roller.
"Alright Steam you can take a break finally!" A construction worker pony called out to the other.
"Ah. Finally." Steam took off his hat and wiped his forehead. "Should I turn this thing off?"
"Nah. Took forever starting her up." The worker pony explained, "Come on. The princess is allowing us to have some food." The worker ponies left while Steam left the roller on.
Beavis and Butt-head looked at the lone steam roller. Still running. They looked at each other and walked over to it. Butt-head got up in the driver seat while Beavis hung on. Butt-head pulled the gear free and then the steamer started to move forward as he pressed on the pedal.
"Hey Butt-head. Remember that kill dozer movie?" Beavis asked.
"Oh yeah." Butt-head chuckled.
The first thing they smashed was a pedestal. Running over ceramics and stone benches. Blowing over potted plants and spreading the tar all over the grass. Busting over a very expensive fountain as water started to shoot up into the sky.
"Hey Beavis. Let's go see that Starswirly book place." Butt-head suggested.
"What's that?" Beavis asked.
"Remember when Twinkle would not shut up about that place?" Butt-head asked.
"Not really. I just kind of zone out when she's talking." Beavis chuckled.
Cutting through the animal court yard they knocked over various trees and birdbaths. Leaving a trail of destruction behind themselves. The animals scattered and squawked in panic.
"I think this is it." Beavis pointed, "Want to stop and go inside?"
"Beavis. Remember when Pinkie said to think inside the chimney?" Butt-head asked.
"Uh. Not really." Beavis chuckled.
"Good. I don't either." Butt-head stepped harder on the gas pedal and rammed full force into the side of the Canterlot archives building smashing over book shelves destroying years worth of spells and research under the might of the steam roller. The two laughed at their accomplishments and broke down more walls.
A guard came walking past the wreckage and looked, "Well I'm not cleaning this up."
View Online
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria
Chapter 3: The Great Cornholio vs. The Great and Powerful Trixie
Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria - By Nocturne
The heat was on... The Great and Powerful Trixie has challenged the Great Cornholio to a performance dual.
Beavis with his shirt rolled over his head; paced back and forth chanting, "I'M A CORNHOLIO!"
Spike the dragon turned to Twilight Sparkle, "Hey Twilight. What's a bunghole?"
Twilight's horn glowed and out of thin air a pony version of a dictionary poofed in front of her. The unicorn used her horn again to flip through the pages, "Let's see... Bunghole, bunghole..."
"MY BUNGHOLE GOES RATATATATA!" Beavis chanted.
Twilight placed her hoof onto the word she was looking for, "Bunghole... A hole in a keg or barrel which liquid could be poured or drained from..." The unicorn raised an eyebrow, "He needs this TP for his barrel?"
Beavis walked onto the stage to confront the blue boasting unicorn to accept her challenge. The great and powerful Trixie studied the strange being that accepted her challenge. Tall, skinny, blonde hair peeking through the collar of the shirt, beady eyes, sharp eyebrows, strange underbite. She spoke up still in a commanding tone, "So you call yourself the Great Cornholio is it?"
"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Beavis shook his fists radically at his sides.
"Well then, the great and powerful Trixie challenges you to a magic off!" Trixie explained, "But how about a wager then?"
"Um... okay..." Beavis mumbled.
"If I win the events then you drop the GREAT from your name, you'll kneel before me and kiss my front hoof." Trixie demanded.
"Eh heh heh. Um..." Beavis really tried to think of some demands then shouted, "IF THE GREAT CORNHOLIO WINS! YOU MUST GIVE ME ALL YOUR TP!"
Trixie didn't know what TP was but she agreed.
Back at the table Rainbow Dash asked, "Hey Butt-head? What is TP?"
Butt-head chuckled, "Dude if you don't know then I'm not going to tell you. Uh huh huh."
"It's a deal." Trixie grinned.
The first competition was to grab the crowd's attention. Beavis was left stumped on what to do as Trixie continued to use her magic for her performance but suddenly a thought raced across her mind. What if she made him fall? Her horn glowed and a blue aura surrounded Beavis.
"Huh? Eh heh heh." Beavis wondered where the aura came from. Before he knew it he was floating about a good few feet off the ground. This according to her plan she was going to make it look like he was flying, and that's what she did. Beavis was light as a feather; Trixie gently moved Beavis up and down to let him enjoy for now.
"RUN AS YOU MAY! YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE THE FLYING BUNGHOLE!" Beavis chanted.
"Eh... heh ow..." Beavis moaned as he felt his ribs. Just then, the horn he kept earlier in his pocket rolled to his face.
Butt-head put his hand to the side of his mouth and yelled from the back, "Beavis! Uh huh huh. Get up you wuss!"
Beavis chuckled as he grabbed the horn and slowly rose to his feet, shirt still over his head and raised his arms, "IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO STOP THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!" A dark aura glowed around the sharp object, Beavis's face lifted, he felt power. He pointed the horn at Trixie and shouted, "ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY BUNGHOLE!" The horn shot out a black thunderbolt and blasted off Trixie's hat.
Trixie yelped, "WHAT IN THE?"
Beavis's eyes widened, the smile on his face grew as he continued to shake. Trixie dusted off her hat and put it back on, "Fine... good show then... you managed to singe the great and powerful Trixie's hat."
The next competition was to play music with their magic.Trixie wasted no time summoning instruments you would find in an orchestra. Her magic also conjured up transparent ponies to play them. They played the instrumental version of Winter Wrap Up. Half of the crowd clapped. Others admired the tune and started to sing a long.
"Winter wrap up winter wrap up!" Some of the ponies cheered even if it wasn't the season for the song.
"Have to admit." Twilight crossed her arms, "She does have good taste in music."
Butt-head on the other hand was in disgust as he had no admiration for whatever the hell he just heard.Trixie took a bow. Beavis on the other hand rubbed his chin and still chuckled. He noticed Trixie used a spell for the instruments, maybe he could do something similar. He looked down at the horn in his hand as it started to glow again. He waved it around he knew what he wanted. Now instead of Trixie's classical instruments were now replaced with everything related to heavy metal. The background changed from an ice blue to now a dark red. Beavis conjured up some ponies that looked rather similar to the band White Zombie. The sound from the instruments were dark yet satisfying. The lead singer passed off as pony version of Rob Zombie stepped up to the microphone and began the chilling lyrics...
Unlike the devil, I've never seen the face of god, Sweet Mr. Jesus, Infected on my skin, Demons surround you, I'm crawling on the ground, Shame for another, Another taste of life It's alive, oh everybody It's alive, oh the creepers call me
"Sounds pretty bone chilling." Rainbow Dash observed, she smiled, "I like it."
It's alive, oh everybody It's alive, oh the creepers call me
Just then the pyrotechnics kicked in with fire whirling like a pin wheel on stage along with smoke from the fog machine blowing out into the audience.
Dead parts surround you, Draw me forever black, My creature core is, Is crawlin on the ground, Calling another Unholy wall of sound, Say that you love it Don't make me turn it down
At this time both Beavis and Butt-head were head banging. To everyones surprise Pinkie Pie was dancing on the table to the chilling song. Rainbow Dash rooted her on and soon was enjoying the song enough to join her.
It's alive, oh everybody It's alive, oh the creepers call me
Since Spike was the only one with fingers, he held up a lighter and waved it.
It's alive, oh everybody It's alive, oh the creepers call me
Soon the music started to die down. The crowd was in awe, they loved it. They clopped and cheered for the mysterious stranger. Trixie didn't know what to make of this. She didn't want to face defeat for a second time. The horn Beavis was holding dimmed and made the band and illusions retreat and at this point the cornholio persona wore off.
The next competition, Trixie was desperate. "The next competition will be comedy." Trixie announced.
Trixie as always went first, "The great and powerful Trixie will be telling a series of jokes for this act." Trixie cleared her throat, "Why did the bald stallion paint rabbits on his head?" The crowd waited for the punch line, "Because from a distance they looked like hares."
Some ponies gave a good chuckle, Fluttershy was the only one on the floor laughing so hard. Pinkie Pie had to think about the punch line for a moment to sink in, Rainbow Dash was "Meh." A cough could be heard.
Beavis was stumped. "Hey Butt-head! Eh heh heh." He called from the stage.
"What do you want butt munch?" Butt-head replied back yelling from his table.
"Shut up asswipe!" Beavis chuckled and argued back.
"Dill hole!" Butt-head shouted back.
"Turd burglar!" Beavis replied.
At this time some of the ponies were starting to laugh at the funny words.
"Butt knocker!" Butt-head shouted. That was it, Beavis came down from the stage and tackled Butt-head in his seat. Pinkie and Rainbow parted away from the two fighting just to watch. Unfortunately as the two kept arguing, the fire pyrotechnics were still on due to Trixie's carelessness. Suddenly the curtains were on fire, engulfing the entire back of the stage. The ponies started to scream and panic. The two stopped fighting. Butt-head with eyes wide open,
"WHOA!" He chuckled. Beavis also with his eyes wide open and a devilish smile on his face,
"Oh oh oh..." He said, amazed at the dancing flames.
The rest of the crowd was scattered, some were running away the others trying to put out the fire. Within the hour, the fire was finally put out thanks to Rainbow Dash making it rain. Beavis and Butt-head just stood there, still laughing at the event.
Trixie approached the two again she put on her boasting face, "Well well well... Apparently because of this incident the whole battle between the great and powerful Trixie and great Cornholio is going to have to conclude at another date."
"Uh... Okay..." Butt-head replied.
"Now if you two excuse me, the great and powerful Trixie be off to perform elsewhere." Trixie turned around only to be face to face with the mane six.
Twilight was holding a burnt firework machine and tossed it in front of Trixie, "Next time before you do a show, make sure your equipment isn't faulty." Twilight wasn't happy, she wanted Trixie to leave. "Because of this, the mayor's office is also pretty much burned."
"Cool, eh heh heh." Beavis added, he turned his attention away to go back to the dessert table but an m-80 firework fell from his pocket that got Spike's attention. The little dragon picked it up and thought it was a type of candle.
"Oh oh!" Pinkie interjected, "Technically you lost too! I've been keeping tallies!" She smiled.
"WHA?" Trixie scoffed.
"Mr. Beavis got more cheers from the crowd than you did Trixie." Pinkie explained.
"That's the great and powerful Trixie to you!" Trixie was ticked.
"Shut up... uh huh huh." Butt-head interrupted.
"THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE DEMANDS YOU TO SHUT UP!" Trixie fumed.
Apple Jack tossed a bag of bits in front of Trixie, "Just take this and mosey on home Trixie so we all can call it a night. Ya already ruined yer reputation once."
"The great and powerful Trixie has never tarnished her reputation!" Trixie exclaimed.
"It's either that or we can tell the fire department your equipment started the fire and you could possibly be arrested for endangering the ponies of Ponyville." Twilight explained not in a happy tone.
Trixie threw down her hat and cape in frustration. Using her magic she levitated the bag of bits and went to her stage coach and slammed the door loudly. Beavis on the other hand finished off the rest of the cupcakes. Pinkie picked up Trixie's hat and cap and trotted over to Beavis, she jumped onto the nearby table and slid the hat onto him and wrapped the cape around him.
"BEHOLD THE GREAT AND POWERFUL CORNHOLIO!" Beavis chanted.
Suddenly they heard a small explosion. And Spike screaming and holding his little hand.
"Oh sweet Celestia SPIKE JUST BLOWN OF HIS FINGERS!" Rarity yelled.
Just then Pinkie bursted out laughing.
Twilight trying to cover up Spike’s hand with a towel, her neck craned to Pinkie, “THIS IS NOT FUNNY PINKIE! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”
“I just finally got Trixie’s joke.” Pinkie giggled, it did not take long for the two teens to join in as well.
ooo
Song used: Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks and Cannibal Girls by White Zombie
