Chapters Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 2: Pinkie has Arrived
Chapter 2: Pinkie has Arrived
Pinkie pie as she called herself. Stood at about 5'3. Not skinny. But far from fat you could say. As if a joke about her name, her hair was pink. With an curl. She had to be around my age, maybe a little younger. Her cheery outlook projected itself so greatly. She seemed like she didn't have a care in the world, expect of course for being lost. But it was as if this was just a minor ordeal and her telling me, was just like informing a friend. What do I say I thought. She said she was lost, and oh boy did she ever look lost. Not only lost. Maybe in another world as it would seem. Whatever world I thought couldn't be that bad from the look of it. Wait a second... Pinkie Pie? Oh fuck me.
"Wait excuse me. Did you just say that uh, your name was Pinkie Pie?"
"Yep!" she exclaimed ever so cheery.
"Are you by any chance from Equestria?" I asked very doubtfully.
This has to be a joke. A very well thought out one at that. But I don’t recognize the girl at all. She could be someone I've never met. But why would a random person pull this type of joke on me. This makes no sense at all.
"Yes I'm from Equestria! But how did you know. You really don't fit the look of someone who would be from there at all. Well maybe since you know about Equestria you could help me with my whole being lost problem!" She said with again the same cheeriness as all of her speech. She really dose fit the description of Pinkie Pie. But of course she isn't a pony. Hell she is far from being a pony.
"Listen whoever you are. I can see you are attempting to fool me into thinking you are a Pinkie Pie. But It's 4:30. I have no time for this. So go tell your friends or whoever put you up to this its too late for this shit. Try it again at an early time."
"But I really-"
*BAM* I closed the door in her face. Jesus, who the hell dose this shit at 4:30 in the mourning. I would be more pissed if I would of been asleep. Thankfully I wasn't. Mom and Dad are still asleep. Thank God for that. I don't feel like explaining this to anyone else. As I turned around I went back to the Kitchen and looked outside the window. Good I thought. She is gone. I turned around planning on going to my basement again to get another drink.
"Listen! I'm really Pinkie Pie!"
"Fucking Christ!" I almost screamed. I caught myself before bursting out and waking the entire state. I don't think I woke my parents thankfully.
"How the FUCK did you get into my house! There is noway..."
"It's my Pinkie powers. Anyway, I'm lost and I need to find my friends. There are five of them. Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy. Have you seen them?"
"Oh yeah sure, they are in the computer, and on the television all the time. I can bring them up right now actually." I say with heavy sarcasm in my voice.
"Computer, television? What are you... anyway in all seriousness, have you seen them? We REALLY need to get back to Equestria."
"Again, I don't know how the fuck you got into my house, or why you are trying to carry on this prank, but leave, before I call the police."
God who the fuck is this girl? And why is she trying so hard to pull off this prank. But the way she got into my house, or the lack of.. really does remind me of Pinkie in the show. God what am I saying. My parents still haven't woken up yet. But my mother gets up in an hour and a half. What the fuck do I do. I can't help but think she is telling the truth. I should just either call the police, or wake up my Dad. But I don't think either will do any good.
"Listen, I don't for one second believe your true name is Pinkie Pie. But from the looks of how you are dressed, and how you act. I don't think you are from around here. Never the less, I can't just kick you out and have you bothering other people and causing a scene. So as long as you don't make any noise, and don't bother anyone else in this house, you can stay here for the night. Go in the basement, and make yourself comfortable on one of the couches."
"PERFECT!" She shouted with glee. God I think I'm already starting to regret this choice. Should of never answered the door..
"Then tomorrow you can help me find my friends! It will be like a search party. YAY I love parties. A search party is a very odd party but it's still a party! And I'll even make search party cupcakes. I get the feeling you and me are going to be the best of friends! I'll even decorate them with mini flashlights"
"Yeah uh sure. Why not."
Well the bright side is, tomorrow is no school. Thank God for Spring Break. Also no one will be at the house until 4:30 PM. Another pulse. And my parents are going on a little spring break of there own in two days. That should give me time to clear all of this shit up. God what am I doing. If it was a prank, I would of thought when I invited her to stay she would of declined. And I'm sure it being 4:40 Am did not help my decision making at all. My cat during all of this seemed to of hide under a table in my living room. Well I hope my Mom or Dad don't find her. If they do I am pretty much fucked. I picked up my cat Stormy, and went into my small bedroom, put her down on the end of my bed. Took off my clothes, and went to sleep. God maybe I was already asleep. This feels kind of like a dream.
But I knew it wasn't deep inside. This was only the beginning of my problems.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 4: Close call
“Hey we are home early.” My dad’s loud voice boomed through the door. Shit this can’t be good.
“Oh, hey Mom, and Dad. Why again are you home so early?” I asked trying my hardest not to sound nervous. Normally I was pretty good at covering up emotion from my voice when I needed to.
“Well even though today is only Thursday we decided to leave early for our trip. We figured that you can hold down the house on your own. Call your sister if you have any problems. We are already packed, and just need your help to carry the luggage to the car.”
Well isn't this just a blessing in disguise. This couldn’t of panned out better in my head actually. All I need to do is help them bring out their luggage. Wave goodbye. Then it’s easy street for a few weeks. And helping Pinkie Pie shouldn’t take that long. Well that’s if the others are in this area. I still have no idea how the hell we are going to find them all.
“Yeah sure.” I said still trying not to sound nervous. I hope they don’t suspect something is up.
I finally loaded all the luggage. I still don’t understand why they needed so much stuff. Ten suitcases is just overboard. Still at least they haven’t said I’ve been acting weird. While my Mom was in the car, situating things, I saw my Dad walking up to me. Shit, hopefully it’s just to say goodbye.
“Hey, I didn’t want to bring this up by your Mom, but I saw through the kitchen window a girl with pink hair running off to the basement.”
“Yeah, well you see, about that. She is just a friend and she is really shy you know. And I didn’t want to embarrass her or anything-” I stammered out nervously. Shit, I’m fucked.
“Don’t make up excuses. You and I both know why she is here.”
Shit, this doesn’t sound good at all. I don’t think I can bullshit my way out of this one.
“I’m not going to say anything to your mother. Just don’t do anything stupid alright? You are eighteen now. Don’t fuck up your life or anything just to have some “fun”. I still expect you to go to College.”
“Thanks Dad. And don’t worry I won’t do anything stupid.” Well that’s not true. I answered the door when she rang the doorbell.
“Okay, we will be back later. Don’t burn the house down or anything.”
“Everything will be the way it was when you get back. Don’t worry. Love you guys. See you when you get back.” I said and waved.
They waved back, and pulled out and drove to the airport near our house. Well that worked out perfectly. Now I need to get to just call Stewart. Try to pass off Pinkie as a lost girl who needs to find her friends. Than everything will just work out fine. Well hopefully. I get a feeling this is all going to seem better in theory.
I walked back into my house, and called for Pinkie. “Hey Pinkie it’s safe to come out now. Coast is clear, and everything went better than I first suspected.”
“HI!” She nearly screamed from behind me. Nearly giving me a heart attack in the processes. Jesus christ why does she do that.
“FU- I mean hi. I suppose you came up from the basement a little bit early.”
“Yep! I got bored waiting so I decided to go into your room to learn more about you!”
“Why do you want to learn more about me exactly?”
“Well you know. Because we are like best friends and stuff now right? Best friends should know a lot about each other.”
“You are either hitting on me, or you want to throw me a party.”
“Wait what? What do you mean hitting on you? In PonyVille that means punching someone. Sounds like something Rainbow Dash would do to someone she doesn’t like that keeps bothering her.”
“So you were planning on throwing me a party?”
“Um no, of course not! Why would I do that!?” She stammered out.
“It’s okay if you want to throw me a party. It’s what you do isn’t it?” Shit that means I just admitted that I actually believe she is from PonyVille.
“It is! Great! But you can’t know when it happens. Because then it won’t be a surprise! So be on your heels!”
“Haha, yeah, sounds like fun.” Truth is, I hate parties. But since it’s clear she is just reverting back to her nature to cover up her sadness from losing her friends. Can’t help but feel sorry for her. I should now call Stewart. Hopefully he feels like driving us around all day. Because unless she has implanted tracking chips into all of her friends to know where they are at every moment during the day. I don’t think it is going to be all that easy. Unless she is like her “Cupcakes” version. Then in that case. I should probably refrain from eating anymore of her cupcakes.
“Hey Pinkie. I’m going to call my friend Stewart. Hopefully he can come over and help us find your friends.”
“Cool! But how are you going to contact him? It’s not like you can simply talk to him without him being near you. Are you going to write him a letter? But then how are you going to send it? I don’t see a baby dragon around here to help you with that.”
“Pinkie. Do you see this?” I asked point to a telephone.
“Yep! What is it? How are you going to talk to him with that?” She asked in a quizzical manner.
“Yes. It’s called a telephone. To contact someone on it. You just simply dial a number into the device. And then like magic, he will get a ring. And once he picks up, I can talk to him.” I said trying to keep things as simple as possible. I don’t want spend two hours explaining the science of telephones to her.
“Oh, okay! Sounds cool! Can I talk to him? Can I? Can I? Can I? PLEASE!”
“You can talk to him when he gets here.”
“Okay! I bet we are going to be the greatest of friends! But you will still be my best friend! Since you have done so much to help me.”
“Yeah no problem. It’s nothing.” I say feeling somewhat embarrassed for no particular reason.
“Hey is there anything you guys do to repay favors here? I bet I owe you a BUNCH!” She said sounding as cheery as ever. Did I sense a.. Mischievous tone to her voice?
“Um, yeah I do have a favor to ask you actually.”
“Oh what’s that!” She said sounding ecstatic.
“Well, you see people don’t really know about you. Other than me. So the favor I’m going to ask you is simply to keep very, very, VERY discreet.”
“Oh okay. Got ya. No problem Captain! You can count on me!” She said in her Cheery voice again. No sexual undertones hinted. I’m here to help her. Not take advantage of her. Although she does look very pretty. Her curves are very inviting. But again. I’m a gentleman. I’m NOT going to take advantage of a girl in need. Although her voice didn’t exactly sound innocent when she asked me. Probably just thinking too far into it.
I dialed Stewarts number into the telephone. Pinkie Pie stood ideally by. Probably hoping to hear the conversation.
“Hey Main.” Stewart said as he answered the phone. That was his nickname for me. Some kid at our school that he harbored deep hatred for was also named Matthew. So he choose Main as an alternative.
“Hey. I kind of have a problem.” I said trying to sound as serious as possible.
“Oh yeah what’s that? Did you die twenty times in Call of Duty again.”
“I only suck at that game because I dislike it greatly.”
“No you dislike the game because you suck at it.” He sarcastically said back. Well he does have a point. I’m sure the fact that I suck at the game doesn’t add to my enjoyment.
“No, but really. There is girl with me. And we need your help with something.”
“Main, I’m not bringing you condoms.”
“No asshole. It’s not like that.” I said with a hint of laughter in my voice. I have to admit. I do wish that was the problem we were having and not the current one.
“Then what is it Fatone.” His other nickname for me. We are good friends. Not nice ones.
“Well faggot. The girl that is over at my house is currently lost. And according to her, so are her friends.”
“And this relates to me how?”
“Well, don’t you want to be a gentlemen and help a lady in need.”
“I don’t pay for my gas with gentlemanly deeds you know.”
“Did I mention that she is very hot?” That should get his attention.
“Well then. I’ll be over in about 20 minutes.” He seemed to make up his mind pretty fast.
“You are an asshole you that right?” I say with a joking tone to my voice.
“It’s not my fault I’m attracted to women.”
“I’m pretty sure you are attracted to men. But that is besides the point.” I say with my say joking tone.
“You wish. Like I said, I’ll be over in about 20 minutes.”
“Okay man. I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Bye.” He says then hangs up. Wonder what he was doing. Probably playing Call of Duty like normal.
“Okay Pinkie. He will be over in about 20 minutes.” Fuck. How am I going to explain her name to him. He watches My Little Pony too. He is sure to connect the dots. Fuck it. I’ll worry about that when he is knocking on the front door.
“Great!” She says obviously happy about being able to search for her friends. Well I hope they get along. Stewart doesn’t like overly bubbly personalities. And that is Pinkies personality in a nutshell. Oh well, he will get use to it.
“So. What are we going to do while we wait for him?” She asks.
“I don’t know. Probably just hang out until he arrives.” I said. Did I hear a hint of that same mischievousness in her voice again? Shit. Why would she be for lack of a better turn horny? Ponies never seemed like that in the show. What the fuck am I saying. Of course they don’t. It’s a fucking kids show for Christ sakes. And since she can’t be from a television show, she must be very confused. Maybe she hit her head and has a concussion or something. Hopefully that is it.
I take her to our couch. And we sit down. She sits pretty close to me. And starts humming a tune to herself as we wait. I just stare a hole into the wall in front of me. Hoping that if she is in fact... excited. She doesn’t plan on acting on it. That’s when I feel her hand on my arm. Well shit, there goes that hope.
“Hey Matt. I was wondering. Do you think I am... uh. Pretty?”
Fuck. Come on Stewart. Hurry the fuck up and get here.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 5: Pinkie gets kinky
Chapter 5: Pinkie gets kinky
“Wait, what?” I said, still stunned by the sudden development. Did she just ask me if she was pretty? Well she is but still. God if she plans on trying to have sex with me. I don’t think I’ll be able to say no.
“Do you think I’m pretty? You know.. Attractive.” She said. She doesn’t sound as bubbly as before. She sounded, shy? Yeah I guess that’s the best word for it. Pinkie never seemed shy before. Something tells me there is more to this.
“Well yeah. You aren’t ugly that’s for sure.” I said. Fuck that probably wasn’t the best word choice now that I think about it.
“Not ugly? I guess that’s good..” She said sounding even more sad. Damn I knew that was the worst word choice in the history of choosing words.
“Well I guess not ugly was a terrible way to put it. I guess I mean if we were in different circumstances I would highly consider asking you out.” I said. That sounds much better. Now she might think this is an invitation for something a little more physical than just touching my shoulder, which she still had her hand on.
“Ask out? What do you mean by that?” She asked sounding confused. Her bubbly tone still hasn’t made a return yet. My word choice today has been terrible.
“Well you now. Like on a date.”
“Oh. What’s a date?”
“You know. If you like someone, you would normally ask them out on a date. To get to know them better. Like you would go to a movie, or go out to eat. Stuff like that.”
“Oh. Well I like you. You are a really good friend!” She said. Her bubbly nature returning thankfully. If her hair would of went straight, then I knew I would of been fucked.
“Well not like that. I mean like. Uh what’s the best way to put this.” I said still trying to come up with a better way to put it.
“Like you would consider having a deeper relationship with the person.” I said deciding that was the best way to put it. Fuck this is really making me think she is from PonyVille.
“Oh. I get it now. A deeper relationship? Hm that sounds interesting. Maybe we should do that!”
Oh son of a bitch. Stewart hurry the fuck up. I don’t have time to explain kissing and sex to her.
“Well I don’t think we really could. Seeing we hardly know each other.” I stammered out. No longer sounding as cool, calm, and incontrol.
“Well I don’t see why not! What do you do with girls you are dating. It can’t be that weird!”
I almost laughed. If only she knew. Wait, fuck she does want to know.
“Well you see. We uh, well I don’t really know how to explain this.” I stammered again. Shit she is really good at making me do that.
“Well just tell me! Then we can try it!”
Shit. It’s only been 10 minutes. I don’t think I can keep this under control for another 10. Fuck it. Here goes nothing.
“Well I guess the first thing you would do is hold hands.” Yeah I know, lame. But keep in mind I don’t want this to get out of hand.
“Oh, okay!” She said. Clearly being excited.
She then removes her hand from my shoulder. In which her grip was growing extremely tight I might add. She slowly grabs my hand and holds it. She then looks away from my hand. Her big blue eyes grew sad and tears started to grow in them.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her. Confused by her reaction.
“I don’t know. I’ve never really felt this happy before. Where I come from we don’t have well these.” She says holding up her other hand. Still keeping the other one clenched onto mine.
Shit. I hate to admit it. But I’m starting to believe her story more and more. I highly doubt this is an elaborate joke anymore.
“Oh. Well I’m glad that you are enjoying it.” I said. Fuck did I just say that? Jesus I suck at this. I need to get out more.
“Yes I am” She laughs. “What’s next?”
Shit, I presume kissing would be the next step. Lets see. Holding hands. Does anything that doesn’t involve our lips touching come next. Although that would be nice. It’s been awhile since I’ve done anything like that. I do miss the feeling. The energy you could say that comes off of pressing your lips together with a beautiful girl.
Then all the sudden she let go of my hand. And put both of her hands behind my back and pulled me in. She then pushed her mouth to mine. Slowly connecting with my lips with hers. She kept her lips on mine for what seemed like hours. I’m sure it was only a few seconds. But the feeling that came from it I will never forget. For a girl with no previous sexual experience. She sure was doing a hell of a job at the first steps.
“So was that the next step?” She asked with a very sly smile. “We do that in PonyVille when we like someone. But I wouldn’t know much more about this type of stuff.” She said with a saddened tone. “Wouldn’t it be more comfortable if I just moved in a little closer.”
She then pushed me down and I was now lying down on my back. She then climbed into me. And again pressed her lips to mine. She put her hands on my shoulders for support and we started making out. Goddamn this felt so good. I didn’t think she would be this fast of a learner. But it seemed she caught on fast when it came to this type of thing. Fuck I hope she isn’t a REAL fast learner. Or we might be in an even more interesting position.
I could hear small moans coming from her. I didn’t think I was that good at kissing. But I guess it doesn’t take much to get her off.
She then lifted her head up from mine while still on top of me. Her smile now even more brightened it seemed.
“I’m sorry if I scared you by moving things so fast. It’s just that I was so lonely in PonyVille. There aren’t that many colts where I’m from. And the ones that are there don’t normally go for me. I always thought that maybe it was because I wasn’t that pretty of a pony. So I thought maybe I would be prettier now that I’m...uh what are we called again?”
“Human. We are called Humans.” I said in a soft tone. Sounding very relaxed. Which I definitely was.
“Yeah. Human. That felt really good by the way!” She said again turning back to her norma bubbly voice. “I didn’t know how it would feel when I decided to try it. I think I need seconds!”
She then again put her lips on mine yet again. I decided it was time to show her something new. I slowly moved my tongue to her lips, and pressed it in. Thankfully she let in. It was a even more pleasing feeling. And needless to say that my pants were beginning to feel a bit cramped. I’m sure her panties if she even had any were damper also. As I retracted my tongue she being a fast learner quickly moved hers to my lips and like her, I granted her entrance. She was starting to press her chest into mine, and that’s when I noticed she wasn’t exactly lacking when it came to chest size. That just made the kissing session even more intense.
“Bow chicka wow wow.” I heard a familiar voice say. Shit. I didn’t even hear Stewart come in the front door. But the words didn’t halter Pinkie’s assault on my lips. Her lips were still on mine. And she didn’t show any signs of stopping.
I parted my lips from hers. And she got the idea.
“Awh party pooper. I was really enjoying that!” She said, sounding irritated. But she still had a less than serious tone about her voice.
She then turned to Stewart, while still on top of me and said, “Who are you?” In her normal Pinkie tone.
“Well I’m Stewart, and I assume you are the girl Main was talking about. Well Main, I can see why you would answer the door if she was standing outside of it. You lucky bastard.”
“Yeah well. It’s been more interesting around here as you can tell after I opened that door.”
“Oh that’s right! We are going to look for my friends!” Pinkie said now excited again. She quickly got off of me, and started to smooth out her cloths.
“Yes, unless you would like to continue your session here with Main.” Stewart said sarcastically.
“Nope! That’s okay. Do you want a cupcake? I made them this morning!” She said not phased by his sarcastic tone. Maybe she can’t tell.
“Um, yeah, why the hell not.” Stewart said.
After he finished eating his cupcake, and why pinkie went to the bathroom. God, I hope she doesn’t need help with that. Oh, why am I trying to kid myself. I hope she does.
“So Main. Hows life?” He said smiling.
“Oh you know. Just helping a very odd girl with understanding human relations. How is yours?”
“Ha. Well it was looking to be a very boring one until you called that is.”
“Yeah well you know. I never enjoyed leading a boring life.”
“Yeah because spending 10 hours a day on the computer is very exciting.”
“Hey have you been on 4chan? Shit isn’t exactly boring you know. Pulse I don’t just sit and browse Funnyjunk, or 4chan all day. I talk to people!”
“Admit it. If she wouldn’t have shown up, your day would be way less interesting.”
“True. I can’t deny that.”
“Hey what’s her name anyway? You were too busy staring at her tits to answer questions when I interrupted your little “Human relations session” over there.”
“Well uh. Thats an interesting little bit of information you see-”
“My names Pinkie Pie! And what the fuck are tits?”
“Wait, did she just say her name was Pinkie Pie? Like My Little Pony Pinkie Pie? Like the T.V show My Little Pony? And did she just say fuck? She doesn’t seem like she would curse.”
“Darn! Matt said that. And who is Main? I’m confused. And what are tits!” She said sounding a bit inflamed.
“Okay, okay. Everyone calm the fuck down for a moment. First. Yes, her name is Pinkie Pie. I don’t know why it is that. And I can’t explain why it is. But I believe her. Second. Yes. It’s like Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. She even acts just like the character from the show. It’s very odd to say the least. And tits are the things that are hanging from your chest. They are more commonly know as breasts. And that’s Stewarts nickname for me.”
“Or funbags” Stewart quickly added.
“You aren’t helping.”
“Wait, so you expect me to believe that this girl is Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. You’re fucking with me right?” Stewart asked while Pinkie started squeezing her new found interest.
“Come on dude. Just roll with it for now. I’m not saying she is. But, well. I don’t know man. It’s a really confusing situation. Besides. Does she look like she is a normal teenage girl?” I asked as we both stared at Pinkie while she was squeezing and feeling her own breasts.
“Well, you do hold a good point. Fine. guess I’ll just go with it for now. I don’t have anything better to do today anyway. Besides I guess driving around a pretty girl and my friend won’t be too bad. So do you have any idea where her friends are?”
“Uh. No idea. But I’m sure they can’t be far.”
“Really? What makes you think that?”
“Well you see. I don’t fucking know. But how hard can it be to find 5 other girls that probably have no idea where they are?”
“Wait, 5! Fuck dude that’s a lot.”
“Fine! I’ll pay for your gas”
“Ha. Deal.”
“Fine. Then it is settled. We will go looking for Pinkies friends. Hey, seeing as how Pinkie looks. Maybe the others will look just as hot.”
“Yeah well if she is from My Little Pony. Maybe we will see Rainbow Dash. I bet she will look stunning.”
“Yeah, yeah. Keep it in your pants. Okay. Go get the car ready. I’ll bring my Ipod.”
“Okay. We aren’t listening to Slayer the whole time looking for them.”
“Fine, 50/50.”
Stewart then went out the front door. And cleared out his back seats. Jesus this is going to be interesting. This should be one of the best, or one worst car rides I’m ever going to have. Now I just have to get Pinkie to stop molesting herself, and then lead her into the car.
“Hey Pinkie” Nothing. She was too busy feeling her funbags as Stewart put it.
“PINKIE!” I shouted.
“Huh, what?” She asked innocently.
“Stop irritating your funbags. We are going to go look for your friends.”
“Oh yay! I can’t wait to tell them I have a new best friend! Or well. I guess better then best friend! I’m sure they will love you. And what do you mean by irritating them? What are they going to do. Start attacking people. We are the angry breasts from PonyVille. We don’t come in peace.” She said using a monstrous tone for her breasts. Well I guess they are pretty monstrous.
Christ. This is going to be a very interesting car trip. I think if her friends are anything like the rest of the cast from My Little Pony. They shouldn’t be this much of a handful. Still. I hope we don’t spend too long looking for them. Truthfully, I kind of want to continue our kissing session.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 6: Lost and found
Chapter 6: Lost and found
We drove in the car with the music high enough for us to hear it. But not loud enough to restrict us from hearing each other. Thankfully Pinkie enjoyed Slayer for some odd reason, and was doing her own form of dancing to the music. Stewart and I couldn’t help but laugh at her as she did her little dance sitting down to the song World Painted Blood.
As we drove until we hit the traffic light. I just realized that we needed a place to start searching. We couldn’t just wonder Wichita in hopes to find 5 other girls. Although we had our own mental image as of what they should of looked like. But of course we couldn’t be sure. I didn’t think Pinkie had seen them when she found herself in this world.
“So Pinkie. Do you have any idea where to start?” Stewart asked in a serious tone. We really needed to find at least one. If we found one I think the search would be a semi success.
“Um well I don’t know. Just keep driving around! Oh and turn up the music. I LOVE this band!”
Stewart was about to protest but I just turned up the music.
“Wait, we can’t just keep driving around until we find something? It’s not like we will just randomly spot one of them on the street you know.”
“Yeah well maybe if we just search around here. I don’t know if they landed far from each other. Or very close.”
“I doubt it was close. If it was close they would of easily found each other. Also, why the fuck does Pinkie enjoy Slayer of all bands?”
“Well you know what they say. Opposites attract.”
“That’s with people though. Not music.”
“Maybe she enjoys the beat of the music.”
Just then Pinkie shouted to the lyrics. Trying to repeat what they were saying, but getting some of the lyrics wrong. Hearing her trying to copy Slayer’s lead vocalist was more than amusing. It was funny as hell. The song that was currently playing didn’t help either. It was Playing With Dolls. Although I don’t think it would've sounded right on any of their songs.
“HEY! Try going back to the park by your house! I got a strong sense of one of them other there!” Pinkie suddenly shouted out.
“What, how?” Stewart asked.
“Don’t question it. She is normally right about this type of thing.”
“Oh so she has found her friends before? So you just lost them again to piss me off”
“No! You know what I mean. You’ve watched the show. Her Pinkie sense normally isn’t off.”
“Fine. I hope she is right.”
We pulled into a local store and then quickly exited and went back to the park by my house. Hopefully we will find something.
“Okay we are here. I hope she is right.” Stewart said as he turned his car off, thus silencing the music that Pinkie was still jamming out to.
“Yay! We’re here. I think it is over here!” Pinkie shouted happily. Luckily no one else was in the park. It would of been hard to explain a girl with Pink hair running around putting her head to the ground.
“Hm I know one of them is here somewhere! We just have to check everything!”
“There isn’t much to check. Tennis court. Basketball court. A few slides and other playground shit. I don’t see a place where one of them could hide.”
“Trust me! I know that someone is here! I can feel it. The Pinkie sense is strong with me!”
“Yeah I’d fucking hope so” Stewart mumbled.
“Hm, well I guess we should start spreading out. It’s not that big of a park but still. I guess splitting up would help cover more ground.” I say hoping to end this fast.
We both wondered around the small park. I hope to God she is right. It’s still day time. People could show up at any moment. I’m surprised that no one is here right now. It is 1 in the afternoon. Odd that no one is here. Whatever.
“Ow! What the hell was that” I hear Stewart yell by one of the surrounding trees.
“What? What was it?” I asked.
“Something fucking hit me!”
“Well what was it?”
“A ball. Wait who the fuck threw the ball? Did you throw it Pinkie?”
“Not me! I’m too busy trying to figure out what these hoops are used for!” Pinkie said.
Suddenly someone breaks out laughing. It was coming from the tree near Stewart.
I go over by him, and we both just stare at the tree. Knowing someone is definitely up there.
“Well. You might as well come down. We know you are up there.” I say trying to get whoever it was to come down. It was a girl voice and she sounded very amused. Stewart seemed to lighten up after learning it was a girl that threw the ball at him. And not some kid.
“Okay, okay. I’ll come down.” Said the girls voice.
Just then a girl with rainbow colored hair. And rainbow colored clothing came down. Her cloths had places where her wings that were also rainbow colored came out of. Well shit. I guess I know who this is. Stewart’s dream finally came true. He is face to face with a human Rainbow Dash. And as I thought. She just like Pinkie, wasn’t lacking in looks.
“So what do you want? Oh yeah, I’m kind of lost. If you could point me in the direction of PonyVille that would be nice. Also if you would happen to know I’m no longer a pony. That would also help too. Oh! And if you have seen any of my friends.”
“So you happen to be missing some of your friends? Do their happen to be five more of you. And would one of them be pink?” I asked in a sarcastic manner.
“Yeah! Wait how did you know that? Are you some kind of wizard or something?”
“OH MY GOD, RAINBOW DASH!!” Pinkie screamed as her attention averted to the conversation that was taking place by her.
“Pinkie! When did you show up?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I’ve been here the entire time silly!”
“Oh. I did just wake up. And decided to throw a ball at what’s-his-face over there.”
“My name is Stewart by the way.” Stewart barely managed to say while still being in a somewhat awestruck state.
“Yeah, yeah. So why are you with theses people. Between the guy just staring at me. And the fatter one over there. I figured you would of found the others by now.”
“Yeah well I was kinda scared and alone. So I rang Matt’s door bell! And after getting to know each other. He agreed to help me look for you!”
“Yeah, they were getting to know each other alright.” Stewart finally said. I guess the chance to take a shot at me awoke him from his awestruck state.
“Wait what? And who is Matt?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Oh he is the fatter one as you put it. He is really sweet! He was teaching me how humans connect with each other. And I guess I kind of took it to the next step.” Pinkie said blushing.
“Uh, sounds odd. Well I don’t know what time it is. But I’m pretty hungry. Where can we get food at?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I guess we could go back to my house and get caught up on current events. I have food there too. And we should probably get you out of here. People tend to react to seeing girls with wings coming out of their back.” I said.
“Sounds good Matt. Lets go!” Rainbow Dash replied back.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 7: Lets get to know eachother
Chapter 7: Lets get to know eachother
The car ride back to my house didn’t take long seeing as I only lived a few blocks away from the park. When we arrived at my house I made food that I figured they would enjoy. I made sure to keep away from meats. I didn’t want them freaking out if they didn’t know that humans ate meat.
After I got done preparing the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, we all sat down and ate. Stewart and I found ourselves staring at Rainbow Dash’s wings. They are pretty cool. I can’t deny that. I kinda wished I had wings so I could fly around. While we were eating we reflected on the events that had passed. Me finding Pinkie Pie. Calling Stewart and finding Rainbow Dash. I left out the part where Pinkie and I made out. I figured that was for the best. We also figured out that Rainbow Dash remembered waking up in the park. She said she hid in the tree upon seeing people walking around.
“That’s probably for the best. You didn’t want people to see yours wings.” I said.
Knowing that if anyone saw her. It would of definitely caused an uproar.
After we finished eating everyone sat down in the living room. Rainbow Dash sat next to Stewart, and Pinkie sat next to me. And the most awkward silence set in. No one had anything new to say really.
“Fuck!” Stewart suddenly yelled.
“What does fuck mean?” Rainbow Dash asked. Son of a bitch. It’s starting all over again.
“Nothing. Just don’t use it.” I said quickly. Although I wondered if cursing really fit her style. I mean she wasn’t anywhere near as girly as Pinkie was. But still. I couldn’t help but wonder. After seeing Rainbow Dash’s wings I was pretty much convinced that Pinkie was actually telling the truth. No way in hell that her wings were normal. So ponies are real. Well the ones from the show I mean. This is all types of cool. I can’t deny that.
“What are you all worried about Stewart?” I asked.
“I missed work dude! I need to be at work in like one hour. And I still need to take my shower. I’ll take Rainbow Dash back to my house. And then I’ll go to work.”
“Why don’t you just leave her here? What if she gets bored. And besides I’m sure Pinkie and Rainbow still need to get caught up on stuff.”
“Well after walking in on your little “Human Relations” session, I don’t need you to have a threesome version. And besides I figure you would only want one pony at a time. Since we are probably going to find more. We can just split them. Three each. Makes sense?”
“Wait. Human Relations? What are you talking about Stewart?” Rainbow quickly butted in.
“Oh! That was fun. Matt, after they leave we should do that again! And then I can bake cupcakes after words! I have a secret ingredient I want to try out. It might put you out for a while though...”
“I’m fucked.”
“What the buck are they talking about Stewart!” Rainbow Dash added. It was apparent she really wanted to know what the hell we were talking about.
“HA! That’s the word I was looking for to replace fuck with for ponies in this story! Damn why couldn’t I of thought of that earlier.”
“HEY! Breaking the fourth wall is my job Matt. YOU GOT THAT BUSTER!”
“Yes Pinkie..”
“Wait do they still call it the fourth wall in stories? Or is that only in movies and plays?”
“Well Stewart I assume it is in both. Would make sense. I mean what else are you going to call it?”
“Yeah thats true.”
“WHAT IN CELESTIAS NAME ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! AND WHAT HUMAN RELATIONS WHERE MATT AND PINKIE DOING. AND WHAT IS A HUMAN?”
“AND STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! THAT’S MY JOB! YOU ARE CONFUSING THE READER!”
“Hey guys. Carlos here just to tell Matt that molesting ponies is my job. So back the fuck off Matt.”
“Wait...what!? Carlos get out of here. Don’t you have Pony rule 34 to be downloading?”
“Oh..yeah you are right. I should probably go reorganize my porn folders. Have fun with the ponies and shit. Oh and PUT ME IN YOUR FUCKING STORY AS MORE THAN JUST RANDOM COMEDIC RELIEF. Besides no one other then me and Stewart are going to get this reference.”
Okay. After whatever you would fucking call that. Back to Rainbow Dash’s confusion about Pinkie and my sexual explorations.
“Can someone please, just explain to me what Pinkie and Matt did. If he hurt her. I’m going to pound him!”
“Oh silly Rainbow Dash! He didn’t hurt me. He just made me feel all weird down in my special place!”
“HE DID WHAT!” Rainbow screamed.
“Oh Fuck. Stewart, for the love of all that is holy. Help me.”
“Okay Rainbow, it’s time to take to my house. I think things will turn ugly soon if we keep allowing things to come out.” Stewart said trying to defuse the situation. Hopefully this would work.
“Oh it’s okay Rainbow Dash. It didn’t hurt. And I enjoyed what he did! Besides, I gotta say i kinda caused most of it. I guess my “Fun Bags” as they call them are just too hard to resist!” Pinkie giggled out, and then proceeded to molest herself again. We need to get her a vibrator. That can’t be healthy for her to molest herself when with her friends.
“I don’t know what to think. I think that I should stay here to make sure Matt doesn’t do it again. But then again, if you enjoyed it. I guess I’ll just let Pinkie have her fun.” Rainbow Sighed. She seemed to be visibly upset by the whole situation. I could understand why. But it almost looked as though she was feeling lonely. Maybe she needs someone to show her some love. I’m sure Stewart will take care of that. Oh God. Bad thought. Leave my head at once.
“Ok Stewart. I’ll just go home with you. You better have something fun and challenging to keep my attention! Seems like you guys are chumps.” Rainbow Dash challenged.
“Okay. When I get back. You, me, Gears of War 3. You are going down.!” Stewart said. Oh this should be good.
“Explain this “Gears of War” when we get to your house. I bet I could completely buck you up in it!”
“You don’t know what you are getting yourself into. You are going to get owned.” Stewart said as they were leaving my house. Well sounds like they are going to have some fun. Jesus, I wonder what me and Pinkie are going to do. Well I think I know what SHE will want to do.
“Hey Pinkie. I think I’m going to go take a shower. You keep yourself entertained. I’ll be back in about half an hour or so.” Yes I take long showers. (No not because of that... well sometimes because of that.) I needed to think about the events that have occurred. And I really didn’t smell too good.
I walked into my room. Got some clean clothes and towels and made my way into the bathroom. I set the clothes down on the counter, along with the towels and got undressed. I made my way into the shower and turned on the water. Set it to blazing hot and proceeded to clean a few days worth of sweat and dirt off my body.
Jesus this has been the some of the weirdest fucking days in my life. I have to admit. I’m glad they appeared in a human form. This just wouldn’t be the same if they were Ponies. And by same, I mean they wouldn’t have nice tits. I’m a guy. What can I say. After washing my hair. I heard the door open. Oh this can’t be good. Oh who am I kidding. This should be great.
“Um Matt. I need to take a shower also. So if you could just make some room please. That would be nice!” Pinkie said as she took off her cloths.
“Hey, don’t you think we should you know wait turns? Save some embarrassment or whatever haha.” I managed to stutter out. What can I say. I’m not comfortable showing my body to bubbly girl with a tainted mind, and a great body. This can’t end well.
“Oh don’t be a silly willy! It will be faster! And besides. More time for you to try out my cupcakes! I don’t think that Rainbow would mind if I just had some fun with you! Besides you like it too hehe!” She giggled out. Well this should be fun.
She pulled back the shower curtain and then stepped in. And well what can I say. Her breasts are at least a double D if not bigger. She had a great waist. Not extremely slim. But nowhere near fat. I mean what can you expect for a girl who makes and eats cupcakes for a living. I couldn’t see her ass. But from what I could see of her hips. It was perfection. She wore a grin of that just reeked of mischief. Her cheeks were red with either embarrassment, or from being turned on. Maybe even both. She slowly eyed me from top to bottom. Now I am no where near skinny. But I’m not completely obese.
“So I’m not a expert on humans. But from what I can tell. You are pretty happy I decided to help you with your shower.” She giggled.
“Yeah well what can I say. You are very attractive.” I shyly let out. And boy was I happy to see her if you catch my drift.
“Well Matt, why don’t you help a attractive girl, out and wash my back for me” Pinkie stated with excitement. She was really looking forward to me “Washing” her.
“Well here goes nothing.”
I got the soap. I decided not to use my body wash. Manly smells and her would not mix. I got my hands lathered up. And slowly put them on her back while she had her ass facing me. And I had to resist the urge to just take her right then and there. She let out a slight sigh of pleasure as I went over her breasts. I took my time washing the busty lumps. They were so squishy, and inviting. I could have washed them forever. And to tell you the truth, I don’t think Pinkie would have cared. I made my way down to her stomach, and at that point I pressed myself into her. Making skin contact. I wrapped my arms around her and slowly massaged her thighs. I may be fat. But I am 6’0. She felt pretty small to me. But I love shorter girls. She was really moaning now. She put her hands over mine. And guided them to her center. I slipped in a finger and that really set her off. She took my other arm and placed it on her right breast. From what I could see she was biting her lip in ecstasy. I don’t think she was getting ready to climax. But it wouldn’t surprise me if she was close. She was rubbing her ass over me also while struggling with her pleasuring shower experience. After a maybe half a minute of this I decided to slip in my other finger. This really set her off. She couldn’t even comprehend the pleasure that was going through her body now. That’s when I felt her shiver. Her climax had started and boy could I tell. Her moans, and screams of pleasure filled the bathroom, and my house no doubt. Hopefully no poor kid and their parent were outside trying to sell Girl Scout cookies. She fell into my arms after her orgasm subsided.
“I don’t think I feel like making cupcakes anymore.” She stated on the verge of falling asleep. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Even after seducing me into fingering her. She still found a way to sound innocent.
“I’m going to get us dried off, then we are going to go to bed Pinkie. Sound good?”
“But it’s only 4:30. Isn’t that a bit early for bed?” She asked still on the verge of falling asleep in my arms.
“It’s ok. Let’s just call it a nap. After I’m done cleaning the bathroom, I’ll come back, and we can cuddle. Sound good?”
“That sounds perfect! Please don’t take long Matt.” Pinkie said with a loving tone in her voice.
After I put the towels and dirty clothes in the correct hampers. I was almost ready to climb into bed with the still naked Pinkie. But sadly I heard a knock on the door. Who the hell could that be? Better not be some fucking salesman.
I made my way to the door and looked out the window. It was one of the neighbors. One I actually liked. I decided it would be ok to answer the door.
“Hello!” I said happily.
“Hello Matthew. I don’t know if you noticed but there is something in your tree in your backyard.
“You don’t say? What is it? Can you tell?”
“Well not from the angle that I could see. But I thought I would tell you. I would come back with you to help you investigate, but I have things to do today. Just thought I would let you know. Have a good day Matthew!”
“Thanks for the heads up. Have a good day.” I said then waved. Oh God now what is it.
I walked past my kitchen, and to the back doors in my dining room. I made my way out barefooted into my backyard. Shit, now I’ll have to wash my feet again. What the hell could this be.
I looked up in the tree. And at first I didn’t see anything. But then at the very top I could see something. A girl! She had on a yellow shirt with butterflies on it. Pink hair, but not in the way Pinkies was styled. Wait. Can that be?...
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 8: Stewart gets a shotgun
Chapter 8: Stewart gets a shotgun
Well there is something you don’t see everyday. A girl with pink hair stuck in a tree. Or at least in Kansas you don’t. It was clearly Fluttershy. But if it was Fluttershy. She shouldn’t have a problem getting out of a tree. Her wings hopefully weren’t injured. And the tree isn’t that tall. Still, I should go talk to her. Trying to get through her shyness could prove a bother, but I think I can conquer any problem. I mean Pinkie hasn’t killed me with her cupcakes yet right?
“Hey, what are you doing up there? I don’t think that is a place for a pretty girl like you.” Fuck do I sound like a pedophile? I wonder if they have pedophiles in Ponyville.
“Um, it’s uh.. Okay, I don’t need any help..” She stuttered out. Clearly she was Fluttershy. The amount of shyness she was projecting was a bit too stressed. Although she is in a fucking tree.
“Hey baby! What are you doing up there! That’s no place for a sexy girl like you. Why don’t you let me help you down, and then I can get you all nice and clean.” A sudden voice boomed from my street. Who the fuck was this guy? He looks like he is 20 years old, pretty strong, more so than me. And it could be my protective side, but he looks like a fucking rapist. Well more so than I guess I appeared to be. Don’t judge me, I’m not good with girls that just so happen to be ponies. Or any girls for that matter.
“Hey man. Thanks for your concern, but I have this problem all figured out.” I say trying to defuse the situation. He doesn’t seem like the gentlemanly type. (Although neither am I at more times.)
“Shove it fatass. Go eat a hamburger. This girl isn’t the type for you asshole.”
“Well she is in a tree, that just so happens to be on my property. So why don’t you kindly get fucked, and leave.”
“The fuck you just say? How about I fuck her, and shoot the shit out of you?”
Well this is going nowhere. Although I’m sure I have a few more snappy comebacks. This guy has a gun, and is not afraid to go back to jail from the looks of it.
At that moment Fluttershy got down with the most intense hatred in her eye. Oh shit, he pissed off the nice and shy one. Shit is going down.
“Who do you think you are! You big meanie face! You come down here talking to me like a jerk. And then you insult this poor...Uh whatever you guys are called...sorry. I don’t like people like you! Why don’t you just leave all of us alone, and go back to where you came from! Um, you know, that is if you don’t mind....” She said sounding shy and commanding all at the same time. She could have left out the sorry part.
“Hey bitch. I don’t know who the fuck you think you are talking to. But I use to rape and kill bitches like you. So why don’t you just make this easy and do what you are fucking told. Maybe I won’t kill your friend over there if you do.” He said, with an absolute evil presence about him. Well as they say. Negotiations have crumbled. Better call in the heavy guns.
“Hey man you know what? Why don’t I just go in my house, give her a blanket, and just let you guys go on your way. You don’t live by here it seems. Then I’ll just be out of your hair.” I said as calmly as possible. I have a plan. Hopefully I won’t get arrested for it. Thankfully Pinkie has gotten involved yet, or we would all be shot.
“Sounds like a good idea you fat fuck. Maybe you aren’t as useless as you seem after all. After you bring me that blanket, maybe I’ll just use your house for a new base of operations.”
What the fuck? Operations? I didn’t know rapist had a base of rape. The rape base. Almost sounds funny if he wasn’t packing a 9mm.
“Okay man. I’ll be back as fast as I can.”
“Don’t take too long. Wouldn’t want to turn this into a double homicide.”
Yeah yeah fucker. Just keep thinking you’re tough shit. I have an equalizer.
As I hurried into my house I found a blacknet extremely fast. You know by double homicide I assume he was going to kill me, than maybe Fluttershy. Yeah, no one threatens her. I’m sure she has great thoughts about this new place she has discovered.
I hurried and went into my Father’s room. Normally I would simply call the police, hurried her into the house, and locked every single door. But since he had an upper hand. I needed to simply make things turn into my favor. I took the key that was by his dresser, unlocked the gun case, and took out the .45. Now I know what you are thinking. Why do you have a .45 caliber pistol in your house? Well you see, it is Kansas. When you move here, you are issued a gun. Its standard. (My sarcasm levels are off the fucking charts.) I quickly covered the gun in the banket. And made my way back outside. Put on my most convincing face. And hoped for the best. If all else fails maybe I will die fast. Or maybe pinkie will quickly decide she wants to see how well humans will cook. (Cupcake Reference count: 5)
“Okay man. I got your blanket. Just don’t hurt anyone alright.” I said as calmly as I could.
“Well kid. I can’t promise you that. Seeing as your house might as well be mine now. I think you will be needing to get the fuck out.”
“Yeah, well. I guess there isn’t much less to say” Having my hand on the gun the whole time. I quickly threw the blanket, and put the sights right on his head. I tried my hardest to keep my hands from shaking. I need him to think I’m not afraid, even though I’m scared shitless.
“What the fuck! You just signed your fucking death warrant kid. No one points a fucking gun at me.”
“Really? Looks like I am right now. Now don’t make me blow your fucking head off. Let the girl walk over to me. And sudden moves. And let’s just say you won’t have to worry about going back to prison.” Yes I assume he has already been there. You don’t get this obsessed with rape without being in prison for a few years. Maybe he was molested by a Property sells man also. Why the fuck does he want my house so much?
“Uh excuse me. But uh, I think that I uh..” She stopped talking and just covered her face. Wait, fuck. I’m not looking at him anymore. I’m not good at this whole badass thing.
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I found my face hurting and my gun no longer in my hands. Fucker was fast. I should have just pulled the trigger and let things all play out from there. Better than what was about to happen next.
“Well shit kid. I guess you no longer have the upper hand anymore do you? Take away your gun and what the fuck are you? Nothing but a coward it seems. Can’t even defend a girl correctly. Christ kid. I think you might be better off dead.” He said with hatred deep in his voice. Clearly he has something about fat people.
“Well, any last words before I blow you away?”
“I think fuck you, I hope you burn in Hell will suffice.”
“Ha ha. Fair enough kid.”
I looked at Fluttershy face covered. On the verge of tears as always. I wonder how Pinkies going to take this? Hope he doesn’t find her too.
“Well motherfucker? You going to fucking kill me?”
“Come on Main. Stop being such a downer. You aren’t dead yet.” I heard a familiar voice say from behind me. I then noticed that the man in front of me with two guns suddenly looked much more pale. I turned around to see Stewart with a shotgun, and Pinkie with an angry look on her face. For some reason I felt more afraid of her, then the guy with two guns trained on me.
“WELL WELL WELL MR. MEANIE FACE! JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING POINTING THOSE...Hey what are those again?”
“They are pistols Pinkie.”
POINTING THOSE PISTOLS AT MY LITTLE MATTY WATTY.
Oh fuck she didn’t just call me Matty Watty?
“Wait, what?” me and the rapist both said at once.
“Matty Watty? HA HA. Jesus kid. I feel for you.”
“Eat a dick.”
“Hello? Why isn’t anyone paying attention to the guy with a fucking shotgun. I’d like to think I did a pretty good job of saving your ass. Matty Watty.” Stewart chuckled out that last part.
“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that Fluttershy? Pinkie Suddenly asked.
“Oh my goodness. Pinkie? I can’t believe you are here. What brought you to this horrid place. That guy was going rape me! Whatever that means. Wait, uh is that good or bad?” She asked shyly.
“No that’s bad. Unless of course you have been in prison. Then I hear its normal.” I said still looking at the douche bag.
“Whatever kid. Like you have ever been laid before.” He said pointing the gun at me as if it was his finger.
“Oh yeah. That’s a good one.” I said sarcastically.
“Hey! Shotgun! Why is this so hard to remember?” Stewart said.
“You know what. I think I’m just going to drop my guns. And forget this day ever happened. This shit is too much for one day.” The rapist said dropping his guns.”
“And don’t you ever come back! I mean if you don’t want to...” Fluttershy shouted. As she did her wings broke through her shirt and ripe part of it. Sadly, now her breasts were exposed.
“Hey you have them too! Cool! Can I touch?!” Pinkie asked.
“And suddenly I feel like I shouldn’t leave.” Said the rapist.
“Hey! Asshole! Shotgun. Get the fuck out before I waste you!”
“Fine, fine, fine. Hey, on another note, if you ever need your car fixed. I’m the guy. Just saying. Now I’m out. Peace out fags.” He said as he walked away.
“You know. I could just shoot him. No one would have to know. Only me and you guys. I could just blow the back of him away.” Stewart said.
“No I think he is gone. And on that note, today was fucking terrible. I mean yeah, we found Fluttershy. But still. I don’t like having guns pointed at me. That reminds me. How the fuck did you get here just in time? And where is Rainbow Dash?”
“First, Rainbow is back at my house asleep. And I actually forgot my sunglasses. Oh and I wanted a cupcake.
“Oh, well fair enough.”
“Fair enough? I just saved your ass for getting blow away.”
“Oh yeah. Kthxs. Shit like that.”
“See if I save your ass from a criminal again fat one.”
All the sudden we heard a sudden moan. We turned around to see Pinkie molesting Fluttershy.
“See! I told you it feels good. Doesn’t it?”
“Y-yeah. It really does.” Fluttershy moaned.
“Hey should we stop them? Or..” I asked. Mesmerized by the sight in front of me.
“I can friendship to this..” Stewart said.
“Yeah well I’m hungry. Held at gunpoint or not. I need food. I’m going to go make some popcorn. Want any?”
“Uh. Popcorn yeah. Whatever. Sure. Damn she has a nice pair.”
“Christ.. I’m tell Rainbow Dash.” I said and started to walk away.
“Hey! Don’t joke about that shit! You know I like her.”
“Who says I’m joking?” Clearly I am. But the more sarcasm the better as I am concerned.
“Sure. You just mad because I’m stylin on you.”
“Ha ha. Funny. Well at least the 4th wall didn’t get fucking destroyed this time.”
“HEY!! What did I tell you about referencing the 4th wall! ONLY I CAN DO THAT!” Pinkie shouted.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 9: What forth wall?
Chapter 9: What forth wall?
Stewart decided to attempt to get out of work for the week. I had a feeling this wouldn’t work. He could quit, but he did need gas money. If we were going to find the rest of the cast we really needed to step up our searching. The fact that Fluttershy just happened to be in my backyard was a miracle if I’ve ever seen one. Still, I couldn’t help but think that with Fluttershy here, along with Pinkie. My penis might see more action then... well ever.
As I walked into the living room I turned on the T.V, and decided to search the channels. Stewart was taking his sweet ass time talking to his manager. I doubt that is going well. Pinkie and Fluttershy were... Wait what the fuck are they doing?
I went into my room and took a peak. Nothing. Well shit, where did they go off to. I can’t have two M.I.A ponies.
“Well Main. My dick face of a manager won’t let me take the week off.” Stewart stated with anger.
“Yeah, no shit. I told you that was a bad idea.” I retorted back sarcastically.
“At least I have a job. You just fuck Pinkie and make sarcastic comments.”
“My role in this is very important. Who else will be the smart ass? Who else will stare in the face of doom and call it a fag? Yeah, you need me.”
“I didn’t know doom swings that way. On brighter news he did at least give me today off. So I guess all in all that’s good. Still, a whole week off would of been kick ass. I could try to reinvent my relationship with Rainbow Dash. I feel like we need to get closer. I get this feeling that they might be here for awhile. Which in that case I have no idea how to explain that to my parents. My Dad will flip shit if he finds out a girl was staying with me. And my Mom. Jesus I don’t even want to think of that.”
“Fuck, maybe we will get lucky and they will decide to stay longer. Hey where did you say your parents were going again?”
“Hawaii. Where did yours go?” Stewart asked.
“Same place actually. Wait. Why didn’t we know this? We could have planned out something like them meeting up and staying maybe a few extra weeks.”
“Probably because we didn’t plan on Ponies finding their way to the real world, and being hot. I don’t think about that daily.”
“You don’t? Fuck, I do. It’s like a dream come true.”
“Hey speaking of big breasted girls with pink hair, where the fuck are they?” Stewart asked.
“Yeah I was trying to figure that out before your bad news was presented to me. It’s either really good. Or really... well good. You go check outside the house. I’ll go check out the basement. We can’t have them missing for long. God knows what they will get themselves into if we allow that.” I said.
“Yeah, you are right. If they are making out or anything, call. I’ll get a recording device.” Stewart said.
“Yeah sure whatever. Because the first I think when I see hot lesbian action is, ‘Oh fuck! Better go tell Stewart!’”
“Hey! You owe me. Remember? Shotgun. Why the fuck don’t people remember this? Maybe I should go find that rapist. I’m sure me and him could go find lesbians.”
“Oh and while you are at that, you could get your car fixed too. That fucking speaker feedback is about to drive me crazy.” I said.
“Oh yeah? Well get your own fucking car then. Oh wait! You don’t have a job. Sucks to be you.”
“Oh really? I fingered Pinkie. Your argument is invalid.” I said proudly. It’s not everyday you get to do theses types of things.
“Too much information. I’ll go check outside. Don’t eat the house while I’m gone.”
“Ha. Well I have no comeback. So I think a fuck you will have to work.”
I went to the stairs that lead to my basement. It was a big basement for a small house. As I descended into to darkness I noticed something. It wasn’t fucking dark. And I heard moans. Oh fuck yes! This should be the best thing in my life. Maybe I can even join in. That’s always been my dream.
“Okay now you do me.” I heard pinkie say. Oh this is gonna be good.
“But, I-I don’t think I will like it. I mean it felt great when you did it to me. But uh, I don’t know if I could do it to you. I think that we should just go find Matt or Stewart. Maybe try to find the other ponies, or whatever we are now.” Fluttershy Stated shyly.
As I peered around the corner into the back part of the basement I saw what I expected. Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy both had their shirts off. And their bras off. Pinkie’s had two balloons where her tits would be. And Fluttershy’s bra had butterflies on it. Cute. I decided to bide my time. Maybe this would get even more interesting.
“Come on. All work and no play makes Fluttershy a dull girl! Live a little. Besides from your moans you must know its great! Are you sure you don’t want to give it a try? I promise if you don’t like it, you can just stop. I wouldn’t care.”
Jesus. Pinkie really did have a Manipulative mindset when it came to sex. That can either be really hot. Or end in me being cooked into cupcakes. I decided it was either now or never. Time to hopefully get some. Well hopefully.
“Oh hey. Wait, what are you doing?” I asked. Acting confused has always got me places. Hopefully it doesn’t fail me now.
“Oh hey Matt! I’m just to get Fluttershy to return the favor. But she is being very difficult!” Pinkie said with the tiniest hint of annoyance.
“Oh dear!” Fluttershy shouted(well as close as she can get to shouting.) “Please look away! I don’t want you to see m-my... Well you know.”
“It’s okay. Nothing I haven’t seen before. Pinkie introduced me to hers not to long ago. Besides if you do recall, outside you kinda already showed us what you had. And they are very nice.”
“Hey buster! You are with me! YOU ARE MINE. I OWN YOU.” Pinkie shouted very agitated. Shit. Well penis, it has been nice knowing you.
“Um. I-I, okay. Sure. Why not.” I stammered out. I’ve never been in this situation before.
“Good! Now if you wouldn’t mind I’m trying to get Fluttershy to experiment. You can watch if you want too! But you better be staring at me more than her!” She said.
“Um. Yeah. Uh sure. No problem. Infact, I think I might just go upstairs. You know try to find Stewart.”
“Oh no you don’t! I want you to see me in action! That turns guys on right? I figured two sets of breasts would be better than one. BUT. You should be looking at mine more.” Pinkie said. Trying her best at using logic. That never went well.
“Where did you hear that? I mean, sure it’s right. But you talk about this type of shit in PonyVille?” I asked.
“No, when you weren’t looking I got onto your computer. And I found A TON of that type of stuff. I figured I might as well try some of it out since I already kinda liked the idea. I mean the more breasts the better! Right!?” Pinkie said.
“Oh.. Well... I got nothing.” I said
“Hey guys! I’m here to fuck bitches and cock clock Main!. But I’m all out of Bitches.” Stewart said while randomly appearing at the stairs. Did he borrow a trick out of Pinkies book.
“This. Is. Not. The best time.” I said half scared for him, and half in awe of what might happen.
“It’s okay! Maybe we can try another time. Besides Fluttershy is almost dying of embarrassment. I think I may have learned something today. Don’t ever force your friends into experimenting with you. You should let them choose themselves. You can’t expect your friends to like everything you do. Even if you do like their breasts. You just gotta keep ahold of yourself. And wait until the time is right. If it ever is. And I shouldn’t be as controlling with you Matt. I love you, but I shouldn’t smother you. Hey! Maybe we can both try something with Fluttershy! Well that is if she wants too. Boy! I wish I could write a letter to Princess Celestia about this!
“Um, yeah. I don’t know if that is her idea of a lesson in friendship. But what do I know. And wait, what about that last part?” I said.
“Well why not! I think it’s a great lesson. Don’t you Fluttershy?” Pinkie asked. Completely ignoring my question.
“Um, I would just like to put my bra back on. If you don’t mind.” She said shyly.
“Wait she has her bra off? I even brought my phone. I could capitalize on this!”
“Don’t be an ass. Give her some space. Besides. Rainbow Dash. Why do you keep forgetting this. If you really want to develop your relationship with her. Maybe you should attempt to talk to her. You know. About seeeexx.” I said. (Yes I watched Magic.mov. Greatest thing ever.)
“Hey! Why hasn’t the episode or whatever you want to call this ended yet!?” Pinkie asked.
“Well there went the 4th wall.” I said.
“Do you know how hard it is for me to write theses parts out?” Stewart asked. “I can’t just play all of them off you know.”
“Don’t blame me. Blame her.”
“I-I. Wha..? THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.”
“Doesn’t have to. Not like she can control herself.” I said.
“I’m leaving. I’ll see you next chapter. I need a break.” Stewart said.
“Oh, okay. Good Luck, have fun, reading this by the way.” I said.
“Up yours fat one! Go eat a salad.”
“Wait. I’m confused. Where does he go?” Pinkie asked.
“Just smile. Don’t worry about it.” I said. “Hey I’m hungry. Lets go get something to eat.”
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 10: Lets talk
“ZOMBIES!”
“Yes Pinkie, those are bad. Just shoot them, and then we can move to the next part.”
“Wait, how do I shoot again? I just keep jumping and that’s not helping.”
“It’s RT. Geesh, I got it down on the first try.” Said Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, well I throw parties. Not kill Zombies! You should know this Dashie.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Hey I have like fifty health. Someone use your medpack to heal me.” Rainbow said.
“Main, that’s you. Since you just fucking heal up, then take an extra. The golden rule of Left 4 Dead is if you take one medpack and use it, don’t take another.” Stewart stated.
“I’m the important one of the group. Seeing as I always have the most kills. If I die, then so do you. Besides, she’s your girlfriend. Not mine.” I said.
“Hey! I don’t know where you got that idea! But we aren’t going out thank you! I’m a pony, and I won’t just go out with the first guy I met. Besides, we don’t know if we are leaving anytime soon anyway.”
“You mean you are a human. Well now you are.” I said.
“Whatever! I still have standards...” Rainbow said.
“Yeah, that’s funny. Pinkie enjoys my company. What makes you think you won’t enjoy Stewarts?” I said
“Pinkie enjoys everyone's company.” Rainbow Dash countered.
“Hey buster, if you weren’t my friend I would take that the wrong way!” Pinkie snapped back.
“Yeah, maybe you are right. Stewart isn’t exactly great with the ladies now that I think of it.”
“Neither are you asshole! You haven’t had a girlfriend since the first time I met you.” Stewart said.
“Well, I have one now. SO HA.” I snapped back.
“You literally just met her a few days ago. How can you possibly say that makes you good with the ladies?”
“Easy. I get laid and you don’t.” I said.
“You are just going to keep using that one aren’t you?” Stewart asked.
“Yeah, pretty much. It amuses me.”
“Quit your bickering ladies. Now I’m down! Come on Matt. I need health.” Said Rainbow.
“You can ask all you want. Stewart is now your significant Left 4 Dead buddy. He is in charge of your health needs. Among others.” I said.
“What other needs would I have?” Rainbow Dash asked, actually sounding a little confused.
“Oh I don’t know. Maybe like when your pussy gets-”
“I swear to God Main. If you finish that sentence. I will brutally murder you.” Stewart said.
“Oh man. I’m so fucking scared.” I said Sarcastically.
“I have swords! It’s like any weapons I ever have just escape everyone's mind.” Stewart said.
“Fine. I won’t finish my sentence. But sooner or later she will want to know.”
“I want to know now! What the hoof are you guys talking about! What’s a pussy? And since when do I have one?” Rainbow asked.
“Main, say nothing.” Stewart said.
“If you say nothing, I’ll give you a pounding!” Rainbow said.
“You know, funny enough. That’s just what you need.” I said with a sly smile.
“Wait, what?” Said Rainbow Dash.
“Fuck you Main.” Said Stewart.
“Oh I get it.” Said Pinkie.
“Ugh, forget it. I’m going to get something to eat. What do you have around here that could fit my food standards?”
“Well if you look in the trash, I’m sure you will find something to eat.” I said sarcastically.
*BAM*
“OW. What the fuck!?” I yelled.
“I’ve been wanting to do that ever since we started this conversation.” Said Rainbow Dash.
After we finish the game of Left 4 Dead we were playing. Me and Stewart sat next to each other. Pinkie went and found Fluttershy out in the backyard, and started talking to her. Wonder what they were talking about? Eh, whatever. Maybe I will get a threesome out of it. I’m not letting go of that hope.
“Hey Main. Why do you think Rainbow Dash is so hesitant to get into a relationship with me?”
“The fuck if I know. Could have something to do with the fact she has standards.”
“Yeah fuck you too.”
“You know what I mean. She won’t just jump at the first relationship that comes her way. If you just give her some time. I’m sure she will come around. Not like she is going to come across someone else.” I said trying to reassure him.
“What if she likes you?” Stewart asked.
I laughed.
“Okay. I see your point. But still, some girls are attracted to assholes you know.”
“I’m not an asshole. I am a funny person who just happens to prey on others as a source of jokes, and humor.” I said.
“Yeah I know. Like I said. An asshole.”
“Yeah, ha ha. She knows I’m with Pinkie. I doubt she will say anything.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I guess everyone gets just one time to be correct in their life.”
“Whatever. So what about work? Don’t you have to go in today? “ I asked.
“Shit, that’s in like an hour. I should go home and get ready. Hopefully Rainbow will be fine here with you.”
“Woah. She is your responsibility. Not mine. Why don’t you just take her back to your place?” I asked.
“I think she would rather be with her friends you know. Seeing as though she doesn’t seem to want to be around me much anymore..” Stewart said sadly.
“Hey. Like I said, I’m sure she likes you. But she is Rainbow Dash. She will have weird way of showing it. Plus she isn’t very lady like you know.” I said trying to reassure him.
“I’ll try to get her to come around. But our conflicting personalities won’t make that very easy you know.” I said.
“Yeah well. Do what you can. I think I’ll probably quit work after today. I think this pony situation needs my full attention. Plus we need to go back to school to finish up our senior year. Spring Break is coming to an end very fast.” Stewart said.
Shit. He was right. How the hell is that going to work. We don’t have that long in school. Seeing as we graduate in may. And its mid April. We can’t leave them alone. God knows what havoc theses girls could cause. Whatever, I’ll figure it out when it comes to that. If all else fails, we can try to pass them off as students. I don’t see how anything too bad could happen. What the hell am I saying? Everything bad that could happen probably will, but at least I’ll be laughing while it does.
“Alright man. See you when you get back.” I said. Then he walked out.
Okay. First things first. I need to try to establish mutual ground with Rainbow Dash. My jokes tend to always piss her off. But I can try to be nice. As hard as that may be.
I noticed that Rainbow was sitting on the couch. She looked like she was in deep thought. Wouldn’t surprise me, she definitely has a lot to think about. Well here goes nothing.
“Hey.” I said. Trying to sound friendly. But not creepy.
“Yeah?” She replied coldly. She must really be thinking about something.
“What’s up?” I asked. Fuck I am not good at this.
“What’s up? Well I’m stuck on a unknown planet with things I’ve never seen before. I don’t look like myself. I don’t know where my other friends are at. You and Pinkie are doing only Celestia knows what behind closed doors. And you won’t tell me. I live with a guy who I know likes me, but I don’t know how to approach the situation. Oh, and I haven’t gotten to fly at all. So not too well. What about you? Mr. sarcasm. You always have a funny comment to add. You always seem not to give a... a.. FUCK about anything. What is your funny comment now? Should I give you a minute to think one up?” Rainbow replied. Well shit. That was unexpected.
“Uh.. Well I...”
“What’s wrong? Nothing to pick fun at? I’m sure if you try hard enough you will find something.. you always seem to.” She replied sounding sad, angry, and a mix of other emotions.
“I don’t have one I guess.” I said.
“Wow really? You only seem to add to the problem, or just put sarcasm in it.” She said coldly.
“What the fuck do you want me to say? I’m trying my damnedest to fucking help you find your friends. I get it. Our personalities don’t match. Yeah, we aren’t good friends like everyone else is. I don’t know if that is going to change. All I know is that Stewart really cares for you, and wants to be with you. And excuse the shit out of me for trying to have a normal conversation with you. I get it, you are scared. You don’t understand what is happening. You are in a new place, with new people, and new surroundings. You can’t expect to find get along fine everywhere you go. Why don’t you just make the best out of it?”
“Whatever. Pretend you are the good guy. I’m going to go lie down in your room.” She said.
“Out of three rooms. You choose mine. The amount of logic in your thinking is very odd.” I said.
“It’s where Pinkie always is. So that’s where I’ll be.” She said. And then left.
Well that didn’t go as planned. I need to work on my people skills it seems. Although she was in a all around hostal mood. So I’ll leave her to it. Probably just PMSing. Also, I don’t remember Pinkie going to my room.
“Hey. Um, Matt? Could you uh.. come here please?” Fluttershy asked from the basement. I wonder why she was down there. Apparently they come with built in teleporters This should be good.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 11: Didn't see that coming
Chapter 11: Didn't see that coming
As I walked down to the basement I could only imagine what was in store for me. On the bright side it was much needed exercise. Although saying the exercise that Pinkie has been giving me was starting to make me feel harder (Get it. It’s like sex.) I went down to the entrance of the basement. The small old rocking chair was by a greenish colored couch. In front of the couch sat a 27 inch old TV. A Nintendo, Playstation, VCR, and a DVD player are all hooked up to it. With the Nintendo controllers still sitting on the couch.
I was about to call out Fluttershy’s name when I heard he small voice come from inside the bathroom.
“Hey um Matt...can you come in here for a second. I think something is wrong.” She said sounding worried.
“Yeah, sure, be right there. Wait, are you..um decent?” I asked.
“Um, no. Can you please cover your eyes?” She said still sounding worried. What the fuck was going on in there?
“Okay, I’ll try.” I said.
I walked into the small bathroom not knowing what to expect. Also trying to keep my eyes closed.
“Um, what was wrong? Did you need help with the toilet, I know it doesn’t flush very well, but if you need me to flush it I could.” I said trying not to sound awkward as fuck.
She then suddenly gripped me, breaking the silence, and placed her lips to mine. Surprising as it was, I quickly placed my hands on her back and pulled her in closer. I have no idea what suddenly came over her, but I wasn’t about to break this wonderful moment to ask. Fluttershy quickly broke the kiss, smiled, then blushed. I couldn’t help but chuckle to her almost innocent look. But then quickly realised that she was only wearing a bra and panties.
“Well, not that I don’t 100% love your new outfit, but I must ask, what’s the occasion?” I asked.
“Well you see...oh I’m so embarrassed. Pinkie told me that uh.. I shouldn’t have to sleep on the couch anymore. And I didn’t want to use your parents bedrooms. So she uh suggested that I sleep with you and her. But I thought you guys did you know... things. So she told me that I should get myself familiarized with your more.. um, hehe, personal parts.” She said in the most innocent voice.
“Oh, well yeah I guess you could do that. Or we could just stop doing what we normally do if you really needed a bed to sleep in.” I said, not wanting to pressure her into a situation that she didn’t want to be in.
“I actually suggested the same thing, and she that she isn’t giving up her Matty Watty time for anything.” She giggled.
“Yeah Pinkie sure does enjoy her Matty Watty time.. I mean our... love making sessions? Yeah I got nothing.” I said. “Are you sure you want to, you know, go all the way with me? I don’t want you to feel pressured into this situation.” Although I’d be lying if I didn’t want to do it as bad as Pinkie wanted a threesome.
“Yeah, I’m sure. You are a really nice guy, and you always seem to care about my feelings. You don’t step all over me like some other people do. Not that I think my friends do! I mean.. Sorry.” She said sounding embarrassed as always at the end.
“Hey, its okay Fluttershy. You are a really nice and caring person. You have never treated anyone badly. You always care for other peoples feelings, maybe it’s time for someone else to care for you, more physically I mean.” I said with a comforting smile.
She nodded and smiled again, still her eyes were to the ground, and her head facing the same direction. I put my hand on her chin and tilted her head to face me. There was about a 5 inch difference in height. She I bent down to kiss her again on the lips, and she got on her tiptoes and met me halfway. We began to make out. She was very skilled with her tongue. It made me wonder if she had done this sort of thing before, or maybe she just practiced with her friends. Now that was a thought. Her hands ended up cupping my face. She was truly enjoying our kiss. My hands moved back to the same place they were last time, on her back. Since the bathroom we were in was very small, and could barely fit one person in. I decided to slightly lift her, and carry her to the main basement room, and set her down on the couch. Since Fluttershy wasn’t the most outgoing of ponies, I decided to start taking off her bra, and felt her breasts. As I squeezed and lightly pinched her nipples, I started to kiss her neck. She moaned lightly, and her back arched. I took it as a sign that I was doing good, and continued to kiss down to her breasts. I took my fingers away from her nipples, and replaced them with my mouth. I licked, kissed and sucked on her nipples, causing her to moan even louder. She did something that surprised me and slipped her hand into my pants. I instantly moaned as I felt her hand touch me.
“Hey I heard some noises coming from down here and I decided that I would come see what was going on, and WOAH SHIT. Main, put a fucking sock on the door or something.” Stewart said. Well that was the end of a good thing.
Fluttershy quickly tried her best to cover herself up. I just sat on the couch and felt defeated.
“Do you have like some sort of super cock blocking powers or some shit? This is like the third time. You would think if you heard moans coming from the basement you could assume what was happening, and just leave it alone. But nope. You are like, BETTER KILL THE SHIT OUT OF THE SEX THAT IS HAPPENING.” I said.
“Where is the fun is letting you have sex? And no I don’t have super cock blocking powers. I have super mega ultra cock block extreme. It’s a device that allows me to seek out anything sexual happening around me, and gives me ways of stopping it. It’s actually a really amazing device if you think about it.” He said.
“Oh God you are just so fucking funny. Have you ever considered a job in cock block comedy? I heard it pays good, and they give you two of those fucking devices.” I said back.
“I can feel the sarcasm meter just rising constantly.” Stewart said and then laughed.
“Yeah? Did that come with the Super mega ultra cock block extreme?” I asked.
“It was actually a packaged deal. Pretty fucking neat if you ask me.” Stewart said.
Just then Rainbow Dash came down. This might just be the most bad, or amazing thing to happen today.
“What is all the talking about? You are talking about me are you? Hey, why the buck is Fluttershy naked! Wow, why am I feeling all weird down below?” Rainbow asked.
“I FUCKING TOLD YOU! I want my fifty dollars now.” I said.
“Oh fuck off Main. I don’t need your sarcasm.” Stewart said.
“Why did I top the fucking charts on your meter or something?” I said.
“I would like to reinstate my previous statement.” Stewart said.
“WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT, AND WOULD SOMEONE CARE TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY FLUTTERSHY IS NAKED, AND WHY IS THERE A BULGE IN MATTHEWS PANTS!” Rainbow Dash asked in anger.
“Well I can explain the bulge pretty easy. It actually goes hand in hand with why Fluttershy is naked. You must of not taken sex ed, or whatever they have in Ponyville. The better question is why doesn’t Stewart have one? And if he does, why did you noticed mine first? It’s like the whole puzzle is coming together now.” I said.
“Oh yeah motherbucker what would that be?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“You are Bisexual and you want my dick.” I said.
“WHAT! I should kill you for that! Stewart hold him down, or hold me down! Someones getting hurt right now!”
“Okay, everyone calm the down. Main, control your sarcasm, Rainbow Dash, control your anger. Fluttershy, go get some clothes on before Main dies of blood loss.” Stewart said.
“I still want to know what is going on here! I’m tired of no one explaining anything to me! I want answers and I want them now.” Rainbow Dash said. I felt it probably was time to explain to her what was happening.
“Pinkie and I as you may or may not know are having sex. Fluttershy wants a bed to sleep in, so she chose mine, but didn’t want to interrupt what Pinkie and I do. So Pinkie suggest to her that Fluttershy and I have sex so she can warm up to me, and then Pinkie, Fluttershy, and I will all have sex. In a nutshell. Also Stewart likes you and shit, as you know. So yeah, Good luck with that.”
“I don’t... I can’t... what do I say to that?” Rainbow Dash asked surprised.
“Main! I can’t believe you just informed her of what is happening!” Stewart said.
“It’s not like I told her how to do it, and that it’s the best feeling in life.” I replied back.
“Wait, what? It feels that good? And you could tell me how to do it? Teach me please! I don’t want to be left out any longer! I’ll do anything Matt!” Rainbow Dash said.
“I know what you are thinking Main, and first, you are a sick fuck, second, no, third I need that shotgun to stop you from saying things that I will regret.” Stewart said.
“Well you and Stewart could do it. My bed will be as full as it can be with Fluttershy joining.” I said.
“Oh good! Stewart. Me, you, your house, now. You have some explaining, and teaching to do. I’m a fast learner, so it shouldn’t take me that long to do it.” Rainbow Dash said.
“It probably won’t take him that long either.” I said back.
“Main, after this is all through, I’m going to fucking kill you.” Stewart said.
“Sure you will. Fluttershy, lets go get Pinkie, and we can continue what we were doing upstairs. I get a feeling this will be one hell of a night.”
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 12: Aftermath
I awoke with a headache. God, what the hell happened last night? I remember fucking over Stewart, like I do everyday. Then I remember coming to my room with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. Then we... Oh yeah. I remember now. I looked to my side and saw a naked Fluttershy and Pinkie. They smelled like sweat and sex. Great smell when mixed if you ask me. They were embracing each other, breasts smashed together. They looked so innocent if you forget the fact that they are naked... oh and if you forget what they did to me, and each other last night. I couldn’t decide if I should wake them up, or stare a little longer. All I knew is if I kept staring I would have to repeat last night, and although that sounds like fun, I may still be too tired from last night.
I carefully got up, trying my hardest not to wake them. I put on a shirt, and some shorts. I wonder if Stewart went home last night? From the look that Rainbow Dash gave him, I doubt he got more then a few steps away from the couch before she tackled him. Thankfully we don’t use that couch downstairs for much. I went to the kitchen and got some toast, and orange juice. Maybe I should go downstairs and see what remains of Stewarts virginity, or maybe I should wait until Fluttershy and Pinkie wake up and share the moment. Well sharing is caring, so that sounds like the best idea.
Almost one pm. Fuck it, I’ll call in a pizza. That should wake everyone up. I called the Pizza Hut, and ordered a large cheese pizza. I still don’t know how the girls would react to meat. Fuck, do I call them girls? Or do I call them ponies? Seems odd calling them girls since I remember them the most for being ponies. Fuck it, they are girls now. And they will stay that way until they return to Ponyville. Shit, that was another depressing thought. I’ve grown really close to them. Well Rainbow Dash is a bit harder to get close to, but as they say, close enough. If they were to leave now, God I would probably beg for them to take me with them. I’m sure Stewart would do the same. Odd how fast I’d give up this life, to be with the ponies, I mean the girls. I wonder if they would even stay the same if they got sent back to their world. Not going to lie, I would find it difficult to fuck a pony.
As I payed the Pizza Guy for the pizza, I heard Fluttershy and Pinkie come out from my room, and stand behind me.
“Thanks for the tip man. I wish more people tipped like you, Enjoy your piz-”
“What?” I asked
“Are they like hookers or something?” He asked.
“What the fuck are you talking about.” He then pointed behind me and I looked.
“Oh.. Yeah, they do that sometimes. And no they aren’t fucking hookers man. Well thanks for the pizza, have a good day” I said then closed the door.
“Oh! Is that Pizza? Please, please, please be pizza. I LOVE pizza! I’ll do anything for a slice! Wait, I already did just about everything last night. So gimmie!” PInkie then took the pizza box. Well shit, there went twenty bucks.
“Um, I would like a slice. Well, if it isn’t too much to ask for I mean.” Fluttershy said.
“Here you go! You must be hungry from last night huh? We really brought out the wild side in you. I mean you are so NOT shy in bed!” Pinkie said.
“Um, yeah.. I guess it would seem that way..” Fluttershy said. Growing more embarrassed by the second.
“Yeah, your wings got pretty, uh, how do I say this. Pretty hard?”
“Oh yeah! Of course they did. All ponies with wings have that happen! It means they are REALLY excited if you know what I mean! She really liked it when you licked her-”
“Yeah, ha ha. We get the picture Pinkie. Hate to make Fluttershy anymore red then she already is.”
“Hey! Where is Stewart and Rainbow Dash at? Did they finally decide to fuck or what!”
“Remember what I said about that word. Only say it during sex.” I said.
“Oh yeah! Sorry. Jeez, did I sound like a sailer pony last night!” Pinkie said. And oh boy was she right. “Still, I wonder where Stewart and Rainbow are. They must of did something last night to be sleeping this late.” Pinkie said.
“I’m sure if we try to have sex, he will wake up.” I mumbled.
Stewart suddenly appeared from the kitchen. He walked over to the pizza and got a slice. Then went to the refrigerator and got a coke. He returned to the living room, sat down on the couch, and ate his pizza. Christ he must of had a fun time.
“Hey man, so how did losing your virginity go last night??” I asked.
“Fuck you.” He replied.
“Fuck Matt? I’m pretty sure you fucked Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie said.
“Oh for Christ’s sake. Don’t start with me.” Stewart said.
“Don’t you want to bring your lover down some pizza? Or would you rather me do it?” I asked.
“Good luck, have fun. I tried to get up a few hours ago, and she just tackled me again and.. well I think you know the rest.” Stewart said.
“Fine you baby. I’ll go bring her some pizza.” I said.
I got a plate and took a few slices of pizza down. She can get her own coke from the refrigerator downstairs. I went down the steps to the basement and saw that they pulled the bed out from the couch. At least they didn’t have to sleep on the small couch, or on the floor.
I noticed Rainbows hair on one of the pillows. She looked so calm when she was asleep. I also saw her cloths on the floor. Damn, they did do it didn’t they. Fuck, finally. Maybe now she will be happier. I put the pizza down by the bed. She started moving. So I assumed she was awake.
Suddenly she jumped from the covers and got on me. Her eyes were barely open, so her vision must of been pretty fucked up to mistake me for Stewart.
“Hey babe. Back down so soon? You must want some more. I think I got the hang of this now. I think I’m even ready for an- Wait! YOU AREN’T STEWART!” She said.
“No shit. Now do tell. What you were going to do that starts with an A? By any chance does end with an L? You are quite the kinky girl in bed aren’t you?” I asked.
*SMACK!*
“To say I wasn’t expecting that would mean I was a complete dumbass.” I said.
“How dare you! Why did you even come down here! Oh no. You saw me naked. This is the worst thing ever. Stewart told me what guys do when the imagine girls naked.” She said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t worry. I have no need to jack off with Pinkie and Fluttershy here. Now if you don’t mind. Could you please get the fuck off. Not that I don’t enjoy naked girls sitting on top of my dick, it’s just I don’t think Stewart would like it.
She quickly got up, and gave me another hard smack in the face. That one hurt pretty damn bad. Thankfully she missed my nose.
“Be glad you are Stewarts friend. I would totally kick your ass if you weren’t. Now if you don’t mind, I need to get dressed. If you see me naked one more time it will be the end of you.”
“Baby, those are some tough words from a girl who’s downstairs looks kinda damp.”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” She screamed, with a blush. Still got it.
“Okay. Don’t get your panties in a bunch.” I said then went back upstairs.
I went back to the kitchen and took another coke, having already drank my other one pretty fast. Then went to the living room where Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Stewart were sitting.
“Rainbow is up.” I said.
“Yeah, we heard. What did you do this time to piss her off.” Stewart asked.
“Well, believe it or not. It was kinda her fault this time. She thought I was you and proceeded to mount me. She realized that I was not you, and then got pissed. I then became a sarcastic asshole and got slapped. So pretty much everything went as expected.” I explained.
“WAIT WHAT!? She.. got on top of you? How the fuck could she mistake you for me? Jesus I’m not THAT fat.” Stewart said.
“Yeah well, What you get for being lazy.” I said.
Rainbow Dash came upstairs and sat next to Stewart, and said nothing. I assume she was still shaken up about me seeing her naked. She looked pretty pissed off. She did of course have a great body like all the other girls. Another thing I am confused about. All the girls have a perfect figure, great ass, and at least double D sized breasts. And no bra. Damn that must be hell for them.
“Hey Rainbow Dash.”
“Don’t talk to me. You have Matt come downstairs to give me pizza. I’m sure he told you what happened.” Rainbow coldly replied.
“I was tired. We didn’t get much sleep last night you know. I think I have you to blame for that. As for Matt, how the hell could you mistake him for me?” Stewart asked.
“My eyes were blurry! It’s not my fault! Besides, I was really... you know. So my body kinda made the decision for me.” She said.
“For God’s sake, just kiss and make up already.” I said.
“I’m still mad at you Matt!” Rainbow said.
“Well I’m sorry you can’t contain your hornyness, but it isn’t like I wanted to be tackled by you.” I said.
“Oh whatever! You loved it. I don’t think anyone would hate to be tackled by me. I mean look at my body. What’s not to love.”
“Oh go eat a dick. You don’t look that great” I said.
Everyone looked at me. I think I even heard the birds stop chirping and stare into the house.
“Fine, you are hot.” I admitted.
“See? Just know that only Stewart gets me. And no one else. Also that means no one else gets you! Hear that buster? You are mine, and mine only.” Rainbow said to Stewart.
“IM BORED.” Pinkie suddenly shouted from the kitchen.
“Me and Fluttershy made out, now I don’t know what else to do.”
“And Suddenly my attention has been averted from the situation at hand.” I said.
“Yeah me too. I think I’ve proved my point Matt. So what do you wanna do Pinkie?” Rainbow asked.
“How about we go play on the Nintendo downstairs! We can eat the rest of the pizza and have a girl’s only time! No boys allowed!” Pinkie said, and all the girls went to the basement.
“What the fuck just happened Stewart.” I said.
“I think we just got ditched for a Nintendo, and half a pizza.” Stewart said.
“Seems like you are right. Well, what do you want to do?” I asked.
“Well been awhile since me and you hung out. Want to go to a restaurant. I don’t think a slice of pizza is going to hold me over. I also doubt that we will get anymore.”
“Yeah. Pinkie probably ate it all by now.” I said, and then chuckled. “So what did you have in mind?” I asked.
“Hell, I’m up for anything.” He said.
“Chinese it is then.” I said.
We quickly got into his car, and drove to the small chinese restaurant that we had been to once before. Seemed like something else crazy happened after we went there. Seems to escape my brain what it was.
When we arrived I ordered Chop Suey. And Stewart got some weird dish I had never heard of. We picked a booth at the back of the small restaurant.
“Hey Matt. I don’t think theses people trust in our self righteous suicide.” Stewart said.
“Yeah. Maybe we should ask them if they are cool.” I said then laughed. (Yeah, I make inside jokes that only one person reading this will understand. Wanna fight about it?)
“So, how did it go with Pinkie and Fluttershy?” Stewart asked.
“Oh you know. Could barely stand up, was light headed from lack of blood to the brain.” I replied.
“Yeah I know what you mean. I swear to God they have a higher sex drive than us.” Stewart said.
“Seems that way. Even Fluttershy wanted more then I could of possibly given her.” I said.
“Good excuses.” Stewart said.
“Oh fuck you. Like you could keep up with Rainbow Dash.”
“Yeah, true. You got me there.” Stewart said
After we got done with the food we went back home and played Mortal Kombat on the Xbox. The girls finally came from upstairs and it looked as though Rainbow beat them at whatever game they decided to play.
“Where did you guys go?” Rainbow asked.
“To get some food. Chinese food actually.” Stewart said.
“Oh, cool. I just kicked some ass on the Nintendo! I beat Fluttershy and Pinkie at every game you have down there” Rainbow said. “I’m sure I could beat Matt at them also.”
“Is that a challenge?” I asked.
“I bet I could beat you on whatever this game is also.” Rainbow said.
“Shit Matt. You have to defend your Mortal Kombat honor.” Stewart said.
“You’re on.”
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 13: The bet.
As I got the xbox booted up, I put the Mortal Kombat disk in and awaited for the console to start the game. Well this should be interesting. I hope she is ready for an ass kicking. I’m not that great at the game, but it isn’t a game you can just pick up and automatically be good at. No matter what Rainbow Dash may think.
“So how does this Mortal Kombat thing even work?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“It’s pretty simple. Choose a fighter, and then try to beat the shit out of the other guy. Oh and if you win you have a chance to perform a brutal fatality on them.” I answered.
“Oh me next! I love performing brutal fatalities on people!” Screamed Pinkie. Oh God I don’t think I want to know.
“Yeah, okay, sure. After I kick Rainbow Dash’s ass, then me and you can be on the same team.” I said to Pinkie.
“You are going to what? Yeah, I don’t think that is going to happen. I am the best at everything. Do you really think you stand a chance?” Rainbow Dash said.
“Well seeing as I’ve been playing Mortal Kombat 9 since its release. Yeah I think i do.” I said back.
“This reminds me of Pony Kombat 5. Only instead of fatalities we have friendship’s. I think I prefer Pony Kombat 5.” Fluttershy said.
“Okay, choose your fighter.” I said. I already knew who I was going to be. Good ol’ Scorpion.
“Huh, Scorpion? Looks like a loser. I think I’ll go with Sub Zero.” Rainbow Dash said.
“You told her to do that didn’t you Stewart?” I asked.
“Maybe, either way it’s true. Scorpion is a dick.” Stewart replied back.
“You are just mad because my spear fucks your ice.” I replied back.
“Fuck you. I hope Rainbow Dash rips out your spine.” Stewart said back. Looks like the competition is set.
“Hey. Why don’t we make this interesting?” Rainbow Dash said.
“I don’t like where this is going.” I said.
“Winner picks a slave for three days. Oh and no sex for the loser either for just as long. Sound like a deal? Unless you are too chicken.” Rainbow Dash asked with a sly look in her eye.
“Wait. Just any slave?” I asked.
“Yep, could be you, or Pinkie. Either way.” Rainbow Dash replied.
“You are only enforcing your lesbian stereotype.” I answered back.
“Can it before I kick your ass in real life.” Rainbow Dash said back.
“Someone is sounding defensive.” I replied back.
“Baby. You better not lose this game. If I don’t have sex for that long I might go a little nutty, ha ha, HA HA HA HA HA HA.” Pinkie said. Sounding more crazy by the second.
“Don’t worry. I won’t. Let’s get ready for some Kombat.” I said.
Only one game to decide, and the map was Subway. Right after the announcer said “Fight!” I got hit with Sub Zero’s standard Freeze attack. Rainbow Dash then jumped over to me, and bounced me up, and doing a 7 hit combo. Well shit. This isn’t a good start. It did 30% damage to my health. When Scorpion got back up I instantly did the teleport attack. She blocked and uppercutted me. But that’s where she fucked up.
As soon as I got up I did the cheap as fuck demon flame attack. I teleported again, and caught her off guard. I did a two hit punch attack followed by the spear. I jumped and bounced her off the ground and did an enhanced teleport move, followed by a normal teleport move. At the end of that I did hit her three more times, followed by a leg trap move. That ended up doing almost 40% damage to her health. Now we were even again.
“Well I guess you do know what you are doing.” I said.
“No shit? Ha ha. You are going down Matt.” Rainbow Dash said back.
“Sure whatever you say.” I said back.
Rainbow then went on the offensive. Combo after combo. But I held my block down. I was waiting for my X-ray attack to be ready. Rainbow Dash did her long range ice attack. After I blocked that, my X-ray meter was full. I could have done more enhanced moves. But I wanted her dead fast. No way I was going without sex for three fucking days. I teleported, she didn’t have her block held down. I then did the same two punch combo into spear. It worked again. I jump hit her, and bounced her off the floor, and then teleported. I kicked twice to keep her high enough in the air so I could land my X-ray combo. Just before I was about to land the X-ray attack she did her breaker. Fuck. So close.
Rainbow Dash then did her X-Ray combo and won the round. Shit, no way she could get this good just by playing with Stewart.
“Wow, please put up a fight. I don’t want to embarasses you that much.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Yeah, yeah. Keep talking shit.” I said back.
“Someone seems like they are feeling a bit stressed.” Rainbow said.
“FIGHT!” The second round had began.
I went straight to offensive mode. No fucking around. I jumped at her, then teleported as she tried to hit me. Hit her once. She didn’t block. I then did another two hits, followed by the spear. I bounced her up again, using my teleport to hit her, then a enhanced one, followed by a normal teleport. After i juggled her by kicking her in mid air. I ended by hitting her with my two swords. All in all it did 55% damage. She wasn’t looking too good.
“Damn it!” She said. “You will pay for that!”
I did the flame attack right when she landed by my character so it would stun her. Then I teleport and repeated the same move. She seemed to have forgotten that she could use her breaker. Or she was just saving up her super meter and decided to let me win the round.
“Don’t say a fucking word Matt.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Word.” I replied back.
“You are going to lose this next round.” She said coldly.
“FIGHT!” The final round has started.
To say that I almost won this round would be a lie. I got fucked up so badly. She did three combos in a row and when I used my breaker, she completely ignored that and destroyed my chances at making a comeback. The only good thing is that I hit her once. So at least no flawless victory.
“Well Matt. I would tell you that you got OWNED but I think that is very clear to you.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Good game.” I said back.
“Haha, yeah, you would- Wait what?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Good game. We both tried our hardest, and I lost. You are fun to play. And actually a challenge. Unlike some people” I said smiling. I figured the only thing that would piss her off would be me not being an asshole about losing.
“Main, I get this feeling you are fucking with us. Also, fuck you.” Stewart said back.
“Yeah, well. Being all nice and stuff isn’t going to get you out of the no sex for three days deal!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Baby, I’ve gone a lot longer than three days without sex. I’m more worried about Pinkie Pie.” I said.
Pinkie was on the couch twitching. I noticed her hair had gone flat. This won’t go well.
“Well um... At least me and you can still do stuff Pinkie. I mean unless Matthew minds..” Fluttershy said.
Just then Pinkie sprung up and her hair became normal again. Shit, it didn’t take her long to bounce back.
“Oh boy! You are right Fluttershy! Let’s go to Matt’s room and get started. I’m going to need a long time in their to help get over not having Matt’s dick!” Pinkie said, and then took Fluttershy in my room.
“Okay, admit it. You fucking put her up to that.” Stewart said.
“What?” I said back.
“Come on. ‘Oh no! I’m not going to have Matt’s dick!’ Fucking bullshit.” Stewart said back.
“You’re just mad because Pinkie respects my penis, more than Rainbow Dash respects yours.” I said back. “Which reminds me. You didn’t choose your two slaves.” I said.
“Well that’s because I’m looking at them.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Oh motherfucker.” Stewart said.
“I’m not doing gay stuff.” I said.
“Huh? What is wrong with you? I’m not into that you freak. Also the chores that Stewart makes me do at his house are so boring. I’d rather you do them. Also, you have to sleep over at Stewart’s house for the next three days so I can make sure you don’t break your promise.” Rainbow Dash declared.
“Okay, first of all. You aren’t into gay stuff? I’ll let that one slide. But sleeping over at Stewarts house? I don’t fucking think so.” I said back.
“I could always beat the shit out of you til you agreed with me.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Wait. Don’t I get a say in this?” Stewart asked.
“No, you don’t slave.” Rainbow Dash said.
“I don’t think the fact that you are now her slave matters. I pretty much saw your relationship like this to begin with.” I said.
“Can the first thing we do be kill Main. I think that would make this go much smoother.” Stewart said.
“No. It’s about time for us to go back to Stewart’s house. We got things to do.” Rainbow Dash said.
She told the girls we were leaving and then we left. This is going to be one hell of a night.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 14: Slavery isn't funny
Chapter 14: Slavery isn't funny
“So where do you expect me to sleep?” I asked to no one in-particular. I’m regretting this bet already.
“I don’t know fat one. I assume on a couch or chair.” Stewart answered.
“No! I am the slave master here. I will tell you will to sleep.” Rainbow Dash said.
“If I was black I would be offended.” I said back.
“Okay. You will sleep on the floor.” Rainbow Dash declared.
“On the floor? Really? You are harboring deep seeded hatred for me aren’t you?” I asked
“Well, yeah you couldn’t tell?” She asked somewhat sarcastically.
“I’m still unhappy I get no say in this.” Stewart said.
“Shut up slave. You are only here for my pleasure and assessment.” Rainbow Dash said.
“So I guess that nothing much has changed than?” I asked with a shit eating grin on my face.
“Next time you talk in that manner I will punish you.” Rainbow Dash said.
“I like where this is going.” I said.
*BAM*
“Ow, shit that stings. You could be a nicer slave owner you now. Stop with the hitting and began with the loving if you know what I mean.” I replied.
“Now I feel like I should hit him.” Stewart said.
“Enough! If you two don’t stop acting up I will put you in the cage.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Question. When the fuck did you get a cage? And where the fuck would you put it?” I asked.
“If you keep talking you are going to find out.” Rainbow Dash answered back.
“Find out where the imaginary cage is? Oh no, I’m so fucking scared.” I said.
"Hey just keep on talking. And you will see what happens next." Rainbow Dash replied back.
"So where the fuck are we going to sleep?" Stewart asked.
"If you don't stop with the questions. I know where you are going to sleep." Rainbow Dash said. Then looked at me expecting a sarcastic comment.
"What? I don't always have a sarcastic comment you know." I said.
"Bullshit." Rainbow Dash and Stewart both said at the same time.
"Okay. Since it's only 8pm we have some time to kill it would seem." Rainbow Dash said.
"Shit, this doesn't sound good." I said.
"So we could either go downstairs and play some video games." Rainbow Dash said.
"Yes. Yes. Fuck yes." Stewart said.
"Or me and Stewart could go have some fun time. While Matt stays in the cage." Rainbow Dash said.
"That doesn't sound like fun." I said.
"That seems like a bad idea." Stewart chimed in.
"No." Rainbow Dash said, and got a devilish look in her eye. "What do most slave masters do to their slaves?" Rainbow Dash asked with the same devilish look in her eye.
"Um.." Stewart said, then got lost in thought.
"I'm calling the NAACP." I said.
"First of all Main. You aren't black." Stewart said.
"Sure I am. I'm down with the Wu Tang Clan." I said.
"No. You are not. You are down with Slayer and Lamb of God." Stewart said. "Second of all, the NAACP has to do with the educational system. Not the Main is a slave because he sucks dick at Mortal Kombat problem." Stewart said.
"Still better than you." I said.
"Okay, shut the buck up. I'm talking about torture. Sexual torture." Rainbow Dash said.
"What!" Stewart yelled.
"I wanna go in the imaginary cage." I said.
"You aren't going in any cage. And because you have been the most... hostile. You are going first." Rainbow Dash said.
"I'd rather suffer in the imaginary cage." I said.
"THE CAGE ISN'T IMAGINARY. IT'S REAL!" Scream Rainbow Dash.
"Whatever you say boss." I said.
"Get in the basement. Now!" Rainbow Dash said.
"I don't think I want him in my basement." Stewart said.
"You are going in the cage while you wait for your turn." Rainbow Dash said.
"I still don't fucking believe their is a fucking cage that you magically fucking got into his house." I said.
"Stewart go to your room." Rainbow Dash said.
"Okay." Stewart said and walked into his room.
"Okay. How the fuck did you get a cage in my room?" Stewart asked.
"Get in it. Or I will punish you." Stewart said.
"Quick! Call the NAACP!" I said.
"Shut the fuck up Main. Hell I'm getting in the cage to enjoy some peace and quite." Stewart said, as Rainbow Dash enter his room and locked him up.
I walked down into the basement. Happy to see their were no disturbing sex toys, or torture devices. I still didn't like the looks of this. It felt.. wrong, and bad. Like I was about to either have the greatest fucking time of my life. Or I was about to get injured very badly, and I was leaning on the side of injured more than good times.
"Sit down slave." Rainbow Dash ordered.
"Fuck you." I said.
*BAM*
"I said sit." Rainbow Dash said.
"Jesus Christ. Fine." I replied back. I never liked being ordered around.
"Lie down." Rainbow Dash said.
"Fine." I said and complied.
"Okay, now say, 'My name is Matthew and I have just been tricked by Rainbow Dash.'" Rainbow Dash said.
"My name is... wait, what?" I asked.
"Yeah. You didn't really think I was going to do it with you down here did you?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I was assuming pain and misery, but yeah I was kinda hoping." I said back with a smile.
"Gross. This was a joke on Stewart. Yes I wanted him to be my slave. But this was more to make him jealous. And even though he didn't say anything. Boy, did he look bucking pissed!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Question. Why do you sometimes say fuck, but than other times say bucking?" I asked.
"Don't fucking ask me. You bucking wrote it." Rainbow Dash answered back.
"Good point. Okay, so why do you want to make him jealous?" I asked.
"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like he ignores me more than he should. Also I feel like we don't do as much together as we should. Like I see you and Pinkie, and now Fluttershy. You guys spend so much time together and are always laughing and having fun. I want that! But he seems really interested in books, writing, and that damned small little silver device." Rainbow Dash said.
"So you thought that pretending like you were going to rape me would make him feel better?" I asked.
"Not rape you. You know you want it." Rainbow Dash said with a smile.
"Like I said Gay Pride. You aren't my type." I said with a sly smile.
"Shut up. So what? You don't think it's a good idea?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Well no, not really. You should be your normal demanding self. Stop thinking that making guys jealous is how you get to their hearts. It's defiantly not. Be open, and just talk to him. Don't act like you don't give a shit about him." I said.
"Yeah. I guess you have a good point." Rainbow Dash said. "You are still a sarcastic motherbucker though." She said with a smile.
"Yeah, well you are an egotistical bitch, but you don't see me complaining." I said.
"Haha. You know how to talk to the ladies don't you?" Rainbow Dash said.
Did I just see a twinkle in her eye? Yeah, fuck I must be high. I doubt she is getting feelings for me. We already know where we stand. Or do we?
Just than I heard a big crash from upstairs. At first I thought it was Stewart. Maybe he broke out of his cage. But then I heard male voices from the upstairs living room. They sure as hell weren't his parents. They are of course still on spring break.
"What the fuck was that?" I asked
"I don't know. But it sounds like we might need to kick someones ass." Rainbow Dash said. "I mean, I might need to kick someones ass." She said with a smile in her eye. I could tell she missed doing stuff like this. Fighting, and flying. Fuck maybe this will be good for her.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go see what the fuck is going on up their." I said
"With pleasure. This should be fun." Rainbow Dash said. Than we both went up the stairs.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 15: Gang Land
As we reached the top of the stairs we stared at the people who had broken into Stewart’s house. Pretty good size. But nothing my sarcasm couldn’t handle. They didn’t see us, they were too busy eyeing the big screen TV in the front room to notice a girl with wings and a fat guy with an angry look on his face.
“Hey Rick you wanna take out the TV? Or do you wanna continue searching the place for that kid?”
“Fuck the TV. I want that fucking kid. He fucked with the wrong gang.” Rick said.
Well who the fuck were these guys? And what the fuck are they talking about?
“Okay.” I whispered. “If we can try to sneak up on them, and make as little noise as possible. I think this will work out in our favor.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Rainbow Dash said and then walked forward.
“Hey you creeps! If you are looking for a fight, you got one!” Rainbow Dash said.
“God fucking damn it..” I said.
“Hey baby doll. Nice of you to join us. Mmm, you look real tasty. Mind if I have a taste?” Rick asked.
“Hey criminal scum. Stop right there. You have violated the law.” I said.
“Shove it kid. Or I’ll rip your fucking guts out of your body!” Said the nameless thug.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. LET ME OUT OF THE CAGE FOR CHRIST SAKES!” I heard Stewart yell from his room.
“Tell him to keep it down or you are all going to have a bad time. All we want to know is where Matt and Stewart are. And we will be out of your hair. I know one of them lives here.” Said Rick.
“What are you talking about? No one by that name lives here buddy!” Said Rainbow Dash, trying her best to lie.
“Is that so baby? Say, why don’t you join our little group known as the ladies of the night.” Said Rick.
“You mean hookers.” I said.
“One more peep out of you kid. And it will be your fucking balls.” Said Ricks butt buddy. He looked like a meth head.
“Eat shit junkie.” I said.
“That’s your balls motherfucker.” He said and started to walk towards me.
“Hey, Kip. It’s okay. Chill man. We are only here for the two kids. Not to kill random people.” Said Rick.
He then took out a switchblade, and put it to Rainbow Dash’s neck.
“So, if you don’t tell me where they are. I’ll be forced to kill your little whore here.” Said Rick.
“Actually it’s not my whore. It’’s the other guy’s whore.” I said.
“I swear to God Matt. When I get out of his grip. I’m going to rip your fucking balls off.”
“I like her.” Said Kip.
“First of all. Your name is Kip. With a name like that. You have lost your ability to talk shit.” I replied back.
“Ah! So you are Matt. Where would Stewart be?” Asked Rick.
“Right here asshole.” Stewart said with a smile on his face. He was carrying one of his prized possessions. His Katana. He won it while in Vegas with his family. Hopefully it was real.
“How the fuck did you get out of the cage?” I asked.
“Easy. I wasn’t stupid. I didn’t lock it.
“Fucking lier.” Said Rainbow Dash.
“Hey, if I would have locked it. Who wouldn’t be here with a katana.” Said Stewart.
“At least you didn’t bring a shotgun. Or else you would be considered invisible.” I said.
“Fuck you Main. I am now Stewart. The Guy with a Katana.” Said Stewart.
“Well you must be Stewart?” Asked Rick.
“Yeah, and who the fuck are you?” Asked Stewart.
“I am Rick. The leader of the gang ‘Rough Boys’. You seem to have met one of them while he was trying to rape one of your friends.” Said Rick. “You belittled him pretty badly with your guns. Now he wants a rematch.” Said Rick
“Main. I told you we should have fucking shot him.” Said Stewart.
“Yep. Because placing blame is going to totally help with this situation.” I said.
“Okay. So here is the deal. You two come with me. And I don’t kill the pretty Rainbow colored girl. Sound like a deal?” Said Rick.
“How about I shove this sword so far up your ass you won’t be able to walk for 40 years?” Answered Stewart.
“You have five seconds to drop the sword, or I will slit her pretty little throat.” Said Rick.
Stewart instantly dropped the sword. He looked defeated. I felt my rage boiling. But the guy did have a knife. What the fuck am I going to do in this situation.
“Okay Matthew and Stewart. Let’s take a ride around town. What do you say?” Rick said.
“I’d rather not. How about we just decide your gang member is a pussy, and just leave it at that.” I said.
“Can’t do that. He really wants a rematch.” Rick said.
Rick then took Stewarts Katana and ushered us into the car as Rainbow Dash sat defeated. She looked more scared than I’ve ever seen her in my time of knowing her. She look actually shaken up. I couldn’t believe she didn’t even try to put up a fight. I guess when someone puts a knife to your throat and threatens to kill you, it dampens your moral.
“Don’t worry Stewart! I’m going to save you! And maybe Matt, I don’t know yet. I’m still deciding.” Rainbow Dash called.
“If you go back home don’t eat my chips...or drink my cola. Or sleep in my bed. You know, why don’t you just go to a motel for the night. I’m sure you could trade something for a room.” I said.
“Nevermind. Only saving Stewart. Buck you Matt.” Rainbow Dash said as she went back into the house to do God knows what. Why she wasn’t following us was beyond me. Maybe trying to fake them out. But they did just hear her say she was going to save us.... well whatever. I hope they don’t break my kneecaps and call me chuckle head.
The car ride over to wherever the fuck they were taking us was long...and dark on account that they blindfolded us as soon as they started to drive. They had one extra guy with them driving the car. While Rick sat in the front seat. Stewart, Kip, and I say in the back. Kip was in the middle while Stewart and I sat on his right and left. This was probably the most terrifying and awkward car trips I’ve ever taken.
“Hey fat ass. Next time you fuck with a gang and get abducted please eat less fat haha.” Kip said.
“Hey Stewart. Too bad our hands are tied down. Or we could have strangled him by now.” I said.
“We could still head butt him to death you know.” Stewart said back.
“I’d rather take that katana of yours and shove it up his ass.” I replied.
“I’d take your hands and fucking break them.” Said Kip. Sounding as stupid as a gang member could.
“I don’t remember asking you a goddamn thing.” Stewart replied back.
“Okay ladies. Chill the fuck out. We have just arrived at your final destination.” Said Rick.
“Is the fucking Grim Reaper waiting for us?” I said. It appeared to be more of a storage district. Had a bunch of warehouses in the vicinity.
“No, now you get to meet my gang. And you have already met the Grim Reaper. That would be me.” Said Rick. A hint of malice in his voice.
“Yeah. Way to be full of yourself cocksucker.
“You know. I’m going to need that katana back after I finish stomping your pussy as gang into the ground, Rick.” Said Stewart.
“You’ll get your chance kid. Don’t worry. You will have your chance.” Rick said. And then led us into the warehouse.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 16: FIGHT!
As we entered the warehouse. One thing was apparent. His gang was small in numbers. I saw the first guy we ran into back at my house. He was leaning on a box filled with God knows what, and had a wicked smile on his lips. He looked much more rapey for some reason. He was also holding a crowbar that had traces of blood on it.
“Fuckin’ Gordon Freemen over there.” I said.
Stewart didn’t reply. He was much too upset with the recent happenings to respond to any of my jokes. He wanted revenge for how they treated Rainbow Dash. He WANTED to see blood. I could see it in his eye. I don’t blame him. I wanted blood too. But I wanted my blood to stay in my body more than I wanted their blood outside of their body.
The warehouse was a bit more empty than I expected. Only a few boxes here and there. One or two cars with a few car parts scattered around the area made the warehouse seem much more sinister than it really was.
“Okay gentlemen. It seems that you have met me and Kip. Here is Robert, Max, and Nathan.” Rick said. “You have met Tommy. He will be your opponent this evening.” Said Rick.
“So let me get this straight. You drag us to your shit warehouse, introduce us to your shit gang, and then expect us to fight one of your shit gang members? You are a terrible host.” I said
“I don’t wanna fight him. I wanna fight you Rick. You threatened to hurt Rainbow Dash. You are going to bleed tonight.” Stewart said matter of factually.
“Listen kid. I know you want vengeance for your little whore. That isn’t going to happen. If you can survive Tommy, than you can leave. But something tells me one of you is going to die. My money is on fatty over there.” Rick said.
“Hey fuck you and your shit gang. You think I am afraid of a bunch of junkies? Think again.” I said.
“I think you are afraid of junkies with crow bars. I know I would be if I wasn’t such a bad ass.” Rick said.
“If you are such a bad ass why don’t you fight me motherfucker?” Stewart asked.
“I guess being a badass in this gang means being a pussy.” I said. Trying to get him to fight Stewart out of honnor. Something tells me that Stewart could take him. Although that could just be wishful thinking.
“Tell you what. Here is your Katana. If you can kill Tommy over there. You can face me. But that’s assuming that Tommy won’t beat your fucking face in. Which I think will happen. So good luck, and have fun kid. You’re going to need it.” Rick said. Then Tommy walked forward.
“Not as one sided now is it? You don’t have a gun, and we are facing man to man.” Tommy said.
“It’s actually more fun, because now I have more a reason to kill you.” Said Stewart.
I was standing to the right of them. Out of their way. I was hoping no one would decide to randomly fuck me up.
“Alright Stewart. Let’s see who dies first.” Tommy said and then swung his crowbar at Stewart.
Stewart put his Katana up, easily absorbing the blow. This deflected Tommys crowbar. Tommy then decided to go on the offensive. Wildly swinging his crowbar in the vicinity of Stewart. Stewart kept his Katana up, reflecting all of the swings that managed to be near him. Stewart took the offensive next. slicing horizontally at Tommy, hoping to cut his stomach open. Tommy dodged back, avoiding the onslaught of Stewart’s Katana. Stewart took that moment to thrust his Katana in a forward motion. Tommy who wasn’t expecting this got stabbed with half an inch of Japanese metal. He staggered back, still keeping hold of his crowbar. Stewart took advantage of the opportunity and moved forward to finish the job. Tommy quickly stood up, ignoring the wound his stomach suffered and put his crowbar up to attempt to reflect the blow. He did reflect the blow but at a cost. The blow, while being absorbed was still powerful enough to stagger the wounded Tommy to the point where he tripped over his own footing. He lost his balance and fell straight on his ass.
“Alright you scum. Time to finish what I fucking started.” Stewart said with intense malice in his voice. He put the sword over his head, getting ready to bring the full force of the blade onto Tommy’s head when a shot rang out.
“Alright.” Rick said. He had pulled out a revolver and shot into the ceiling. This effectively got Stewart’s attention. “You had your fun. Now it’s your fat friends turn.” Said Rick.
“I would like to forfeit my turn. Not feeling the whole bloody death type of thing today. Can we push it back to like next Friday?” I said.
“Haha. You’re a funny guy Matt. I’ll give you that. But don’t you know that most funny guys die first?” Rick asked.
“No, fuck that! You said after I defeated Tommy I’d get to face you.” Stewart said.
“I said if you were to kill Tommy. As you can see. Tommy is clearly still alive.. For now.” Rick said. “Alright Matt, since Tommy seems to be incapacitated, you will go against Kip.”
“Isn’t it a little dangerous to let a junkie handle weapons?” I said.
“Okay you motherfucker.” Kip said, throwing me over a metal pipe. “Here is your weapon, and I have mine.” Kip said pointing to his similar metal pipe. “Time to teach your smart ass a fucking lesson.” Kip said.
“Be careful there man. Wouldn’t want you to hit your own head there.” I said.
Kip then rushed me with his pipe out. Seeing as he had been on drugs. He was a bit disorientated. I side stepped his forward assault. He then turned around and hit at me with the pipe. I quickly put my pipe up. It absorbed the blow, but it was powerful enough to cause me to stagger a little. For a meth head he had some power behind his swings. I stepped back, clearly on the defensive. Stewart tried to step in and just quickly slay the guy with his Katana. But Rick pointed his revolver at him, so sadly there was no way he could help me. Kip repeated the process of running and swinging. It normally ended in the same way as it always did. I was trying not to hit the guy. I’m a lover, not a fighter, as a smart man who wanted to get out of work once said. But I was seeing that this was a strategy that was flawed. I would eventually fuck up and get hit. And it would probably be fatal if I did. As Kip prepared to run at me again with his pipe behind his back in a swinging motion. I ducked as he came close and swung my pipe at his knee caps. This made the druggy fall down very painfully. He stood back up, but he clearly had taken quite a hit. He was now limping. This could prove to be bad for me. Because now he actually had to think about his attacks. Hopefully he was as stupid as he looked. He started running, well, more of a limp and hop type of run. When he got near me, he stopped for a moment and swung wildly at me. I moved to his right and swung my metal pipe, and connected right in his stomach. He lurched forward. Feeling the adrenaline of situation at hand, I let it take control. My next swing was a hard hit to the back of his head. I followed that up with a quick kick to the same place. Again, a gunshot fired in the background. Effectively saving the man from death. Unless his wounds were fatal, which they very well could be.
“Wow Matthew. It seems I have underestimated you.” Said Rick.
“Yeah, it would seem you have.” I replied back. My joking voice now replaced with that of a calm one. One that you might relate to a killer. “I was just getting to enjoy myself. That was... Fun.” I said. Halfway meaning it. And hoping it would just scare the shit out of his henchmen.
“Well. It would seem you both have three more opponents. Would you care to choose?” Asked rick.
“Don’t you mean four asshole?” Stewart asked.
“I don’t think you will get through the next guys.” Rick said. With a evil smile on his face.
“Oh yeah? Maybe we can!” Rainbow Dash screamed from entrance of the warehouse. She had a angry Pinkie Pie with her, along with a very scared Fluttershy. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
“How the fuck did you get here?” Stewart, Rick, and I asked all at the same time.
“Easy.” Pinkie Pie said. “Rainbow dash flew back to Matty Watties house. Told us that some mean guys had taken you away from me! And I used my super awesome Pinkie sense to find you! Easy!” Pinkie said.
“Wait a minute. Matty Watty?” Rick asked.
“Dude. Don’t even fucking start with me.” I replied back.
“Well isn’t this a treat! That makes five of you, and four of us. I assume a two on two can be arranged. How about Stewart and your Whore. Against Nathan and Max?” Rick said.
“Whatever gets me closer to decapitating you, is good for me.” Stewart said.
Max and Nathan stepped up. Stewart was using his Katana of course. I gave Rainbow Dash my bloodied crowbar.
“Give em’ hell Gay Pride.” I said.
“They are about to get bucked up in 10 seconds flat.” Rainbow Dash said with a smile on her face.
“Well then. Let the games begin.” Rick said.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 17: FINISH HIM
Stewart and Rainbow Dash both went in the middle of what was now known as the battle area. The two guys both stepped up. Max and Nathan were armed with a crowbar, and a metal pipe. Stewart was using his Katana, while Rainbow Dash was using my metal pipe that still had some skull fragments caked on it.
“Ha, still warm.” Rainbow Dash said as she looked at her new weapon.
“I bet your blood is too you pretty lady, can’t wait to find out.” Said Max.
“I guess that will be your target...” Stewart said.
“I guess that means it’s me and you faggot.” Said Nathan.
“It would be a pleasure to destroy your existence.” Said Stewart.
“Okay, stop shooting the shit. Time to see blood. Preferably the Whores blood, and the swordsman wanna be’s blood.” Said Rick.
Nathan charged Stewart with his metal pipe. Stewart held up his sword in preparation from the oncoming assault. Nathan slammed his pipe down on Stewart's Katana. Stewart and Nathan were at a standstill. Both trying to overpower each other with their weapon of choice. It seemed that they were at equal strength. Stewart broke the stand still by retracting his blade and jumping back to avoid any counter attack. Thankfully Nathan wasn’t fast enough to deal a hard hit. He swung his pipe and missed completely. Stewart darted in with his blade but Nathan side stepped this attack. and countered this time with a blow to Stewart’s back.
Meanwhile Rainbow Dash and Max were engaged in combat. She must of known she couldn’t use her wings. I guess she didn’t want to scare a guy she had the intent of killing. She was walking in a circle, and so was Max. Preparing for the other to attack. Finally Max struck out at her with his crowbar. She put up her metal pipe in defense and held when his attack landed. She successfully deflected his crowbar. She then went in for her own attack. Quickly she struck out at his stomach. He saw this coming and jumped back. She missing, and since she was dedicated to the attack she moved forward with another attempted hit. The hit was aimed at Max’s head. Again, he saw this coming and put his crowbar up for defense. Deflecting her assault, he decided to become the aggressor in the situation. He thrust his weapon at her stomach, and connecting. Rainbow Dash, now doubled over in pain. The crowbar didn’t break skin, but still caused some intense damage.
“Rainbow Dash!” Yelled Pinkie. “Come on! Get up! Destroy him!” Pinkie said, malice in her voice.
Stewart almost collapsed with the intense pain he found pulsating through his skull. Someone he recovered. He was about to strike out with his blade when he heard Pinkie Pie yell out Rainbow Dash’s name. He turned and saw a doubled over Rainbow Dash. Max about ready to deal a finishing blow.
“Say goodnight cunt!” Said Max.
“Not today asshole!” Stewart screamed, disengaging Nathan to help out his lover.
Stewart ran at Max with his blade over his shoulder, preparing for a diagonal slash at the enemy. Max again thrust his crowbar into the stomach of the attacker. Stewart didn’t double over, but instead took it in stride and slashed at Max’s arm. Not severing it, but causing considerable damage.
“Yeah! Go Stewart! You should those meanies who is the boss!” Said Pinkie.
“Yay!” Fluttershy said in a soft voice. Still shy to the end it would seem.
Max falling down, grasping his arm, pain forming on his face. His mind I assume racing with thoughts of his family, his childhood, and his mistakes. Stewart, prepared to decapitate his enemy. Sword raised. Instead of hearing a gunshot. Stewart heard the disgusting sound of metal connecting with bone. Sadly it was his bone. His skull to be exact.
I watched in terror. Not knowing if he was dead, knocked out, or even awake. Robert laughed, while Kip and Tommy were still in intense pain. I was kinda hoping Kip was dead. What do you want, I hold grudges with people who try to hurt me, and my friends. I stepped out into the area. I picked up my metal pipe I lent to Rainbow Dash who was still lying on the floor in pain. Max while still holding his arm was laughing
“Looks like I fucked up your whore here doesn’t it?” Max said.
“Like I said. Not my whore. Stewart’s.” I said. Then quickly raised the pipe and slammed it down onto Max’s head with intense hatred. He quickly fell. Not dead, but soon to be if I decided to take another swing.
“Now shut the fuck up.” I said.
“Looks like you came out to play asshole.” Said Nathan. “You are probably a shit poor fighter compared to the your friend, who is also a shit fighter.”
“Pretty big talk for a dead man.” I said.
“What do you mean?” He asked. He then found out. Rainbow Dash quickly took Stewarts blade that was lying next to her, and sunk it into Nathan’s stomach.
“Take that punk! Wait.. Why is he bleeding so much?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“That tends to happen when you stick a insanely sharp object through someone’s body. It doesn’t exactly fill them full of energy.” I said.
“You mean I... I... I.. No. I didn’t. I don’t want to.. to.. Kill someone!” Rainbow Dash screamed at last. It seems she had the will of the fighter, but not the mind of a killer.
“Hey, it will be alright. Don’t think about it. And don’t worry about it. Stewart is still out cold, if not dead. And we got two more assholes here. Don’t be losing your head.” I said calmly. I would like, no, I NEED someone to help me fight Robert. He is one big motherfucker, no way I can take him myself.
“I don’t want to kill anyone else.” Rainbow Dash stammered out.
“You don’t have to. All you have to do is hurt. Remember, they won’t think twice about killing you. Don’t worry about hurting them.” I said.
“I’m not a killer though! I don’t kill people!” She said. Now in tears.
Clapping could be heard from behind us. I assume it was Rick. For some reason he was entertained with the death he had witnessed. Or maybe he was trying to unnerve us. No need. Rainbow Dash was already losing her cool, and I assume Pinkie, and Fluttershy will be next.
“Bravo. Bravo. Nicely done you two. You managed to take out, and kill almost my whole crew. I’ve got to say. I’m impressed. But I don’t want to die. And neither does Robert. So. Robert could you please get the girls from the back, and lets get the fuck out of here.” Said rick.
“Okay boss.” Said Robert.
“Wait.. What girls?” I asked, very confused.
“The whores of course. You don’t think we just store car parts, and things like crowbars and pipes do you?” Said Rick.
“Well.. Yeah, I kinda did. But really? You keep girls in storage? How the fuck does that go over with management?” I asked.
“Probably no so well if they were still alive, but thankfully, they aren’t.” Rick said.
Robert walked out with about five women. four were pretty normal looking.. but the last one. Something about her.. hair. Seemed so familiar.
“Well Rick you asshole. Aren’t you going to introduce us?” I asked. hoping that he would play along with it. He had his gun out. So no chance in fucking him up.
“Sure. You plan on renting one?” Asked Rick, wearing a shit eating grin.
“Maybe.” I said.
“What the buck are you talking-” Rainbow Dash said, but was cut off when she saw it too. Her.. friend.
Is that..” Rainbow Dash started to say.
“Oh.. My.. Celestia! TWILIGHT!” Screamed Pinkie pie. Fluttershy just gasped.
“So she really is called that?” Rick asked. “I thought she was kidding. You know how you whores are.” Said Rick.
“Is that really you?” Asked Twilight. Sounding somewhat confused. She looked like she had been through Hell and back again. The light in her eyes long gone. Probably because of the constant beatings. She clearly had been fucked up. Cuts and bruises all over her body.
“Yeah!” Scream Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie.
“You do look like yourselves. Only you know. Not ponies.” Said Twilight.
“How did you get here?” Asked Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.
“That would be my doing. I saw her wondering the streets. I told her I would take good care of her. And I have.” Said Rick, with another devilish smile.
“Lier! You treated me horribly! You expect me to do.. disgusting things with your kind! And then you call me your baby, and your honey! You are sick and twisted. I hope in Celestia’s name you are struck down!” Twilight said, sobbing after completing her rant.
“Damn. You tricked out Twilight.” I said.
Rainbow Dash smacked me in the back of the head. “She has been through so much! Hold your sarcasm in place.” She said very angry.
“Fine, fine.” I said. “Well we would like to um. Rent her? But you know, only permanently.” I said.
“Listen asshole. Theses girls aren’t fucking rent to own you know.” Rick said.
“Well how much to take her off your hands so to speak?” I asked.
“That depends.. What do you got?” Rick asked.
“Three pissed off Ladies. One smart ass, and an angry as all Hell man with a sword.” Stewart said. Suddenly lively again after seeing Twilight in his dazed state. Well shit. He is alive.
“No, I don’t want that. What about money? You got money? I’ll tell you what. If one of you can take down Robert over here I will give her to you free. But you and me both know that isn’t going to-” Robert was cut off by Pinkie.
“Okay!” She said full of energy. She ran over to Robert.
“Hey! Wanna hear a joke?” She asked.
“Uh.. Sure?” Said Robert.
“Knock, Knock.” She said.
“Uh.. Who’s there?” Robert asked.
“Pinkie.” Pinkie said.
Pinkie who?” Asked Robert.
“Pinkie going to buck you up!” She yelled, then randomly pulled out a crowbar and hit him over the head with it. Instantly dropping him.
“I like that joke. A+ on delivery.” I said.
“Well, shit.” Said Rick.
“Hand over the girl you motherfucker!” Said Stewart.
And with that. Rick ran away. I’d like to say it was a planned retreat. But I don’t think it was. He was screaming something about the Pinkie one being the death bringer. More like the love maker. Maybe that has to do with me personally knowing her.
“So uh.. Who are theses guys?” Asked Twilight. Happy Rick was gone. Her tears were slowly drying up
“This is Matty Watty! He is one of my best friends!” Screamed Pinkie
Please don’t mention fucking. Please don’t mention fucking. Please don’t mention fucking.
“We also had sex! It was great.!” Pinkie said.
“Motherfucker.” I said flatly.
“You did what! Why! You couldn’t have been here long! Why would you just decide to go off and throw away your virginity to some alien creature?” Twilight asked. Great first impression.
“Oh don’t be a silly willy! It was fun! You should try it sometime!” Pinkie said.
“I have.. It’s not that great. Not to mention how dirty I feel. Oh Celestia I wish I was just back in my library.” Twilight said. Darkness returning to her eyes “Well who is the other one?” Asked Twilight, depression and disappointment filled her voice.
“This is Stewart. He is really awesome and stuff. You know me and him have a great FRIENDS only type of relationship.” Rainbow Dash said. Fearing what Twilight might say if she knows what they actually do.
“Yeah. We are strictly friends you know. No weird sex stuff.” Stewart said, backing up
Dash.
“You know, that’s pretty funny. I remember clearly you guys-” BAM. Again, I was cut off by a slap in the back of the head. Fucking Dash.
“He was just saying how funny we are together. You know, always cracking jokes and stuff!” Said Rainbow Dash.
“Whatever.” I said, not wanting to suffer anymore pain. “Let’s just get the fuck out of here. I’d rather not be in this desolate shit hole any longer.” I said. I looked over to the forsaken crew of gang members.
“What about the police? What if they find this, or someone tells them. Or worse?” Asked Stewart.
“Fuck the police. I don’t feel like writing them in.” I said.
“God damn it Matt. Every fucking time.” Said Stewart.
“He reminds me of Pinkie now. Only a little more calm.” Said Twilight. At least she was sounding in a little more joking mood.
We all exited the building. We caught a bus since Rick took his car. After taking the bus close to my house. We all started the walk down the lonely streets of Kansas to my home in silence. Rainbow Dash was still shaken up by what happened. Stewart had his arm around her. She was leaning into him. Twilight was walking on the other side of Stewart. A look of pain in her eyes. Pinkie and Fluttershy were walking on either side of me. I had my arms around both of them. Pinkie had her eyes closed, walking almost half asleep. Fluttershy looked like she was in deep thought. Probably trying to process what had happened tonight. Man.. What a fucked up night it had been.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 18: Cock Blocker 5000 strikes again
Chapter 18: Cock Blocker 5000 strikes again
After arriving to my house after the whole.. ordeal, we sat down in my living room. I decided not to turn the TV on because I assume Twilight would like to talk to us about whatever Twilight wants to talk about. Stewart sat down on one couch with Rainbow Dash, and Twilight, and I sat with Pinkie and Fluttershy on the other couch. We sat in silence for a few minutes, gathering our thoughts.
“So Matt and Pinkie really had sex?” Twilight asked in a aggravated voice.
“Yep!” Pinkie shouted happily. “It was so much fun! I got to explore his body! He got to explore mine! He even did this thing with his tongue that made me-”
“Yeah, yeah. I get the point.” Twilight said, sounding disgusted. “I just can’t believe you! You know that you are supposed to save your virginity for that one special pony that you love! You can’t just go around having.. sex with the first alien you meet!” Twilight explained.
“I thought he was special..” PInkie said sounding deflated.
“I know Pinkie. He might even be a nice guy after you get over the whole him taking advantage of you.” Twilight said.
“Hey! Fuck off. I didn’t take advantage of shit! It was a mutual sexual exchange. We both enjoyed it, and both wanted it. So I don’t see the big fucking deal!” I shouted. For some reason that got to me.
“The big deal is that you guys just met! You can’t go around having sex with the first people you meet! That’s the big deal!” Twilight shouted.
“Um.. Pinkie isn’t the only..” Fluttershy started to say, but then stopped because of the extreme embarrassment.
“Isn’t the only what?” Twilight asked. Her face contorted when the realization hit her. “No.. you didn’t? Did you?” Twilight asked.
“Um... I mean... I thought it would be... uh.” Fluttershy was stammering out.
“Yeah. We did. At the same time I might want to add too.” I said with a smile. Yeah I was pretty fucking proud.
“You just had to throw that out there didn’t you Main. We can’t have one conversation without you bringing up your sexual experience of a threesome! The other day I was asking you what you thought about this new song. You fucking said, ‘It needs more I fucked two girls at once in it.’ THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!.” Stewart yelled.
“You are clearly just jealous that I fucked two girls at the same time.” I said.
“No! No I’m not! I’m happy with what I got!” Stewart yelled again.
“Yeah. Because Rainbow Dash is just so sexually appealing.” I said.
“Buck you! You are just dying for a chance to see me naked!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
“Already have! 6/10. Would not bang.” I said with a smile.
“You better keep one eye open tonight!” Rainbow Dash said.
“I would rather you not try to up your bang rating.” I said with a sly smile.
“Stewart. When can I kill him? He isn’t THAT important of a friend is he?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“No, you can’t kill him. He is amusing at certain times, unless he is being a dick. Well then again, maybe I you can kill him.” Stewart said sarcastically.
“Stop it everyone! How do you call this friendship? I expected everyone here to be able to have a discussion about the current events at hand. But you guys just started belittling each other!” Twilight said. “Now this isn’t how you normally act and I know it.” Said Twilight.
Stewart and I both broke out into fits of laughter. I fell on the floor and so did he.
“She.. fucking thinks that.. we.. never insult.. HA!” I yelled with fits of laughter.
“No, no! She thinks that me and you never act like.. HAHA!” Stewart also yelled.
“Ugh. You people are helpless.” Said Twilight growing angry at our laughter. Even Pinkie Pie started rolling on the floor.
“What do you mean by you people?” I asked with a smile. Twilight just sighed in response.
“Okay, anyway. Are you and Rainbow Dash staying here for the night? Or are you guys heading back to your house?” I asked now that the laughing fit had stopped.
“Um yeah I guess. I really don’t want to sleep on your fold out couch again. That was really bad on my back.” Said Stewart.
“Yeah, and I’m the fat one.” I said back in response.
“Well if we are just stating the obvious here. I would like to add a few more facts.” Stewart said.
“What? Are you finally coming out of the closet?” I asked with a shit eating grin.
“Eat shit Main. I don’t know how you can say that after you KNOW me and Rainbow Dash have been-” He got cut off by Rainbow Dash putting her hand over his mouth.
“Wait. What was he going to say?” Asked Twilight.
“Oh you know. Um.. Um.. Matt? Help me out?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Did you seriously just ask me to help you out of a situation that could turn into the single most funny moment in the history of this fucking story?” I asked.
“Yes.. Yes I did. Now please. Tell her what Stewart meant.” Rainbow Dash said.
“We are so fucked.” Stewart said now that Rainbow Dash’s hand was away from his mouth.
“Well you see Twilight. As you know. Pinkie, Fluttershy and I have been having sex. At the same time I might add.” I said.
“God damn it Main.” Stewart said.
“While Stewart and Rainbow Dash know this. They decided to wait until they themselves knew that they were special to each other. Like you said. They really liked each other, but they didn’t want to just jump into bed together.” I said.
“Wow. Really?” Twilight said. New hope in her eye that Rainbow Dash, and Stewart might have did what she had wanted Pinkie, Fluttershy, and I not to do. Stewart and Rainbow Dash both breathed a sigh of relief.
“No. I’m just fucking with you. They fucked like a few days after me and Pinkie did.” I said.
“You know. I could see this coming. I swear. Every time you are about to fuck me over it smells like bacon.” Stewart said. “Or that could be just because you’re fat, and you always fuck me over.” Stewart corrected.
“Yeah, well, what can I say? This is how I entertain myself.” I said.
“That, and he has sex with me and Fluttershy!” Pinkie said.
“Ugh.” Twilight said. Deep in thought on how to correct this whole situation. She was tapping her finger on her chin.
“So Stewart. Again. Where are you going to say for the night?” I asked.
“I’ll take Rainbow Dash to my house. You can take Twilight if you want. You have more sleeping space.” Stewart said.
“Yeah! Then maybe me and Fluttershy can show her the magic of Matt’s dick!” Pinkie yelled. Yeah, that felt good to write.
“On second thought. I think I'll let her sleep at my house. You don’t need anything else to brag about.” Stewart said.
“No.” Said Twilight.
“Oh Christ. Are you going to fuck up happy sex times?” I asked.
“You are all going to sleep here tonight. The girls downstairs. The boys upstairs. I can not sit idly by while you guys ruin your lives!” Twilight said to her friends.
“Yep. She is going to fuck up my happy sex times.” I said, defeated.
“You don’t know how long we are going to be here for! I would hate for you to develop emotional feelings towards Matt and Stewart! I know Celestia will be on her way to fix things and get us back into ponies, and back to Equestria. Besides. We still need to find Rarity, and Applejack.” Twilight said.
“So you are saying that me and Stewart have to sleep up here for the night? This blows.” I said.
“Yeah. Rainbow Dash was going to let me try something new tonight too..” Stewart said.
“What? Was she going to let you be the man this time?” I asked.
“Go fuck yourself Main.” Stewart said.
“Now that I think of it. Rainbow Dash will probably enjoy being with all of her friends down there. Higher vagina ratio.” I said.
“I am going to break you until there are pieces of you on the ground.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Okay everyone. It’s time to go to sleep. We will all head downstairs and make ourselves comfortable. Matt, Stewart. Don’t think this means I don’t appreciate what you have done. I really owe you for saving me back there. It’s just I can’t stand to see my friends in pain. I don’t want them to have to come to terms with being split up from whom they consider their lovers. I’m sure you both understand.” Twilight said.
“Whatever.” Stewart said sounding understanding to the situation.
“You must of borrowed Stewart’s Cock Blocker 5000.” I said.
“I’ll make it up to you two. I promise.” Twilight said, letting the sarcasm bounce right off her. Her and the rest of the girls descended down the stairs. Hopefully they could figure out the whole couch thing. At least Twilight isn’t being a completely uptight.
“You get the couch. I’ll sleep in my bed.” I said.
“Fuck you. I want a bed too. Besides I’m not really that tired. We should play games or something. I’m kinda bored. I was really looking forward to Rainbow Dash’s idea for the bedroom.” Stewart said.
“Yeah well. Shit happens I guess. Here let me put in Gears of War. At least try to do something entertaining with our time away from vaginas.” I said.
Stewart and I played for a few hours. Enjoying the peace of shooting people, and chainsawing them. We discussed what had happened tonight. Talking out the details. Kinda allowing ourselves to calm down from all the action that had happened. After a while Stewart and I both decided to call it quits after getting fucked up a few times in a row. We were about ready to part ways until I heard a noise coming from downstairs. It was.. laughter. And yelling, and screaming. The fun kind. The sexy fun kind. The.. okay you get the point.
“Main. Do you think they are doing what I think they are doing?” Stewart asked.
“Shit.” I said remembering the contents of my refrigerator downstairs.
“What?” Asked Stewart.
“My parents may have a small.. well large assortment of hard liquor down in the refrigerator.” I said.
“Wait so you are telling me that..” Stewart said putting the pieces together.
Almost as if they had heard us. Rainbow Dash came behind Stewart. Walking really wobbly, and the complete opposite of straight. She then wrapped her arms around his chest.
“Stewart. I think you might get to experiences being the man for once during sex tonight.” I said with a smile.
“Fuck..you..Main.” Stewart said. His mouth started to form into a devilish grin. I think he knew what was in store for us tonight.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 19: Whiskey and ponies
Chapter 19: Whiskey and ponies
Stewart was still in Rainbow’s embrace. She was slowly starting to kiss his neck, and moving her hands around his chest. She then started moving her hands to a certain place, and I knew where it was going.
“Well if you need me. I’ll be on my room.” I said.
“Wait, what?” Stewart asked. “I know you. And you wouldn’t miss out on this.. ever. So many vaginas so little time right?” Stewart asked.
“Yeah Matt. Why don’t you come down and join us. I’ve been dying to know what yours feels like.” Rainbow Dash slurred out.
“I am holding that against her for the rest of her life.” I said.
“Yeah, on second thought. Maybe you should go to your bed. You need your sleep. I would hate for you to pass out, or get a heart attack, but we all know it’s just a matter of time anyway.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re a fag and whatnot. I’m tired as shit. I’m going to sleep. Today has been shit. Have fun with the vaginas and shit. Maybe you will get lucky and you can make it with Twilight.” I said as I was walking away.
I closed my door and took off most of my clothing. I crawled into bed which was thankfully cool. I always hated having to sleep when I was feeling overheated. I pulled the covers over me, turned on my side and awaited sleep. Thinking about the events that had passed, and how it had affected everyone. I knew that it would take some time to get Twilight to trust me. She seems to be overprotective of her friends. Hell, I can understand why in this environment. Still, they can make their own choices. I dozed off for an hour or so. Just as I was about to full slip into sleep I heard the choices of the girls shouting chug. Fuck, what has Stewart gotten himself into?
I got up, and put on the same clothing I had on. I opened my door and made my way through the kitchen, then to the basement steps. After going down the first set I heard more and more shouting. Well I’ll be damned. They were forcing Stewart to take shots of whiskey I assume. Did they have this hard of shit in Ponyville? Huh, well either he is drunk as shit now, or it will only be a matter of time.
“So hows it going?” I asked.
“Oh thank God! Help me! You have no idea what they have been forcing me to do down here.” Stewart shouted.
“Oh come on you big baby, just one more shot!” Rainbow told him.
“No! I’ve already had five. Do you know how fucking bad that shit burns?” Stewart asked.
“Yeah you big baby, just one more shot. Six won’t kill you, but maybe seven will..” I said.
“Oh hey Matt.” Rainbow Dash said with a sensual look in her eye.
“Um, hi.” I said back. “Okay Stewart, you have had enough whiskey, time to get you to bed.” I said to him.
“Good. My head already fucking hurts.” Said Stewart.
“Fucking lightweight.” I said back.
“Yeah, eat a dick Main. Lets see you fucking down five goddamn shots of whiskey and see how well you feel.” Stewart said back.
“I’d probably feel like fucking a few things.” I said with a smile, thinking of Pinkie and Fluttershy.
“Are you coming on to me?” Asked Stewart.
“Dude, sober or drunk, I would never come on to you asshole.” I said. “You’re not my fucking type.”
“Oh so you have a type of man that you aim for?” Stewart said back.
“If by man you mean something with tits, a vagina. Then sure.” I said back.
“Fucking fag.” Stewart said with a smile.
“How the fuck does that make me a fag? Oh I’m sorry. I forgot we are using your definition of gay. That would mean anything with tits and vaginas are gay, and dirty.” I said. “News flash. Gay means someone who likes dick.” I said.
“Why don’t you guys ever have a normal conversation without insulting each other?” Asked Twilight, getting up from behind the couch.
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of your tits being out.” I said back.
“I don’t have my.. oh wait. STOP STARING!” Twilight screamed. “You too Rainbow Dash. I’m starting to wonder about you. First you dare yourself to suck on them, and now this. And don’t get me started about the things you did to Fluttershy.”
“Hey. I was just.. and that thing with your... and with Fluttershy.. I..” Rainbow was stammering out.
“Also I think you’re leaking.” I added.
“SHUT UP!” She screamed.
“I’ll make fun of your lesbian tendencies later. I gotta get Stewart up to bed before he passes out.” I said.
“I think I would be better down here. Making sure that Rainbow Dash doesn’t try to rape Fluttershy again. That shit was so bomb.. I mean bad. So bad.” Stewart said.
“Nice save asshole.” I said.
“Fine. I’ll get in the fucking bed. Are you going to read me a bedtime story?” Stewart asked with a smirk.
“Once upon a time you were a faggot. The end.” I said.
“Wow, such a fucking literary master.” Stewart said.
I took Stewart into our guest bedroom, and he quickly turned over and passed out. Jesus, they really got him fucked up. I’ll have to ask what else happened later. I’m still tired. I’m going to jump in bed, roll on my side, and not wake up for fourteen hours. Hopefully they don’t drink themselves to death down there... yeah I should probably go take away their alcohol. I don’t need dead humanized ponies in my basement. The community would never forgive me.
I made my way down to the basement. Twilight was passed out, along with Pinkie and Fluttershy. They looked so peaceful. Oh and did I mention Rainbow sucking on Twilight’s nipple. Yeah she was doing that. I observed as Rainbow tentatively flicked her tongue across Twilight’s nipple stopping only to put her mouth fully down on her breast. I guess Twilight really was passed out. Should I leave? Will I just let lesbians be lesbians, fuck no I won’t. I’m going to make sarcastic comments.
Rainbow Dash seemed to have stuck her hand in Twilight’s panties. On second thought, I think I’ll let this go on a little bit farther. No need to ruin a good thing. Rainbow Dash slowly stuck a finger into Twilight’s juicy slit. She slowly moved it in, and out at a slow pace. She gave Twilight’s nipple one last lick and started kissing down her stomach and to her jeans. She then took her hand out of Twilight’s panties and inched Twilight’s jeans down. Next she took off Twilight’s panties. She resumed kissing Twilight’s stomach and went farther, and farther. She stuck her tongue into Twilight’s slit, and then took it out. She repeated this a few more times until she found Twilight’s clit. Twilight was moaning in her drunken sleep.
Okay anymore of this and I’ll bust a nut in my underwear. They are dirty enough as it is. So many sarcastic things to say, so little time.
“Looks like you have done that before.” I said. Oh my God. This was going to be fun.
“HUH!” Rainbow Dash quietly gasp. “When did you get down here?!”
“Well you were sucking on Twilight’s nipple, and then you moved-” I started to say.
“Okay, okay, okay. You bucking caught me. Do you want a medal?” Rainbow asked.
“This makes me think. Did you have to teach Stewart how to eat a girl out? Or is he a fast learner? I’m sure you gave him some helpful hints. I bet first hand experience comes in handy” I said with a sly smile.
“Shut... Up.” Rainbow said.
“Also, does this count as cheating? Or does vagina not count?” I asked.
“I said, shut the fuck up.” She said with anger in her voice.
By now I moved from the steps to the other couch we had. I sat down and took a shot of whiskey, it burned pretty bad as it went down, but I started feeling the warming sensation in my stomach.
“Maybe you should give some hints to Fluttershy. I think Pinkie is tired of trying to teach her. I tried my hardest, but it always ended up in a blow job for me.” I said.
Rainbow Dash made her way in front of me, and just stared at me. “Make one more bucking comment. I dare you.” She said with a cocky smile. She must of thought she was pretty fucking intimidating.
“You’re a carpet muncher. Although there wasn’t much carpet that I could see. Do you guys shave or something?” I asked.
Rainbow Dash quickly jumped on top of me, pinning my arms down. She did have so amazing strength, I’ll give her that. I tried wiggle my arms free, but to no avail. She had my arms pretty well pinned.
“Say you’re sorry.” She said smiling. That same cocky smile.
“What is it with you and mounting me? If you want my dick so bad, just ask. We aren’t fourteen.” I said.
She dug her nails into my arms, which was quickly followed by a grunt of pain by me. “I said, say you’re sorry.”
“Your breath smells like pussy.” I said.
Again she dug her nails into my arm. Only deeper. And again, it was followed by a grunt of pain by me.
“Listen, Pinkie has caused worse nail injuries than you have. She gets pretty fucking kinky.” I said.
“Say you’re sorry, and don’t mention this to Stewart, or anyone. And I won’t buck you up more than I already have.” She said.
“You are in no position to make demands you know.” I said trying to copy her cocky smile.
“What makes you say that, I think you are pretty well-” She was cut off by me pressing my knee into her pussy. Not to hurt her, but enough to cause her some pleasure. She exhaled, and quickly breathed in. While she was stunned I shifted my weight and causing her to fall off of me. She lied there with her red hot cheeks, most likely from embarrassment, and some other feelings to.
“Wow, I thought only Fluttershy’s cheeks could get that red.” I said with a smile.
“Shut up Matt.” Rainbow Dash said with a frown.
“Was it good for you?” I asked.
“Be thankful I don’t rip your dick off.” She said.
“Is that what you kids are calling it these days? I just call it a hand job.” I said.
“What are you guys talking about.. and why is Twilight’s pants off. Did I miss another orgy?! Why didn’t you wake me up!?” Pinkie yelled.
“Pinkie, it wasn’t an orgy. It only involved two people.. well one person. So I guess you could call it a rape.” I said.
“Matt. I’m going to buck you up if you keep talking.” Rainbow said.
“Get in line. I haven’t had sex with Matty Watty in forever. Come on. I’ll wake up Fluttershy.” Pinkie said. She then tapped Fluttershy on the shoulder. Fluttershy didn’t give a response she Pinkie just yelled WAKE UP. Yeah, that pretty much did it.
“Ah! What’s wrong!? It wasn’t my fault is it.. I’m sorry.” Fluttershy said.
“No silly willy! We are going to go have a threesome with Matt! And I’m going to teach you the proper way of licking my sweet spot!” PInkie said.
“Hey.. I told you not to mention that in front of other people..” Fluttershy said softly.
“Why is it that you give me shit for liking both sexes, but not Pinkie, or Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Because you don’t give me ten blow jobs a day.” I said.
“You are so full of yourself.” Said Rainbow Dash.
“You just have penis envy.” I said.
“What’s with all the noise! Can’t a pony get any sleep around here. I mean a human.. I mean me!?” Asked Twilight. “Wait.. Why are my pants down? MATT WHAT DID YOU DO.” Twilight asked.
“I didn’t do shit. Ask Rainbow Dash while her breath smells like pussy, then get back to me.” I said walking with Fluttershy, and Pinkie up to the stairs to my room. I guess overall today wasn’t so bad.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 21: ID? What dose the I stand for?
Chapter 21: ID? What dose the I stand for?
After Pinkie Pie had her fill of my still functioning dick she decided to go wake Fluttershy. Well shit. Now I have to find a way to kill time. I went into the kitchen, and noticed that the basement door was shut, it had a piece of paper on it that said, “Stay out. That applies to everyone, but mostly Matt, because he is an asshole.” Well I know when I’m not wanted. I should try to get back for the many times Stewart has cock blocked me, but I’ll just hold onto the idea that something will go horribly wrong and fuck up his entire threesome.
After watching TV, and hearing the sounds of Fluttershy moaning I decided I was bored out of my fucking skull. Two sexy girls, and still I somehow find a way to be bored. I need more hobbies. I heard the basement door open and noticed Rainbow Dash getting some water out of the refrigerator. She strutted into the living room where I was watching TV and sat down on the couch.
“Wow that was fun. I can see why you gloat about it constantly.” Rainbow Dash said.
“I will assume it was the best three minutes of Twilight's life.” I said.
“Wow you are so funny. You are just jealous that you didn’t get to have sex with me. I mean, who wouldn’t want to have sex with me?” Rainbow dash asked.
“Apparently you are ready for it, seeing your wings and all. They look pretty erect.” I said back.
“I um... I was just... Whatever. I’m going back downstairs.” Rainbow Dash said with a blush, then left.
I still can’t tell if she likes me, or she just doesn’t know how to handle my humor. Whatever, better go see what Pinkie, and Fluttershy are doing. Hope Pinkie didn’t overwork her.
I made my way through the hallway, and to my room. I saw Pinkie laying with Fluttershy, passed out yet again. They have all the fun without me sometimes. I sat down on the corner of the bed. Fluttershy slowly started to wake up. She sat up, and Pinkies arm fell away from her chest.
“Oh, hi Matt. I hope our moaning didn’t interrupt whatever it is that you were doing.” Fluttershy said hazily.
“No, not really. Wasn’t really doing much anyway. I had a fun conversation with Rainbow Dash. Pissed her off, as far as I am concerned my daily goals are fulfilled.” I said.
Fluttershy smiled sheepishly. “What about annoying Stewart. I’m sure that is also apart of your daily goals.” She said with a smile.
“That’s not really a goal. It’s more of an expectation. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t call him a faggot every five to ten minutes?” I said.
“Maybe you should try to be a little nicer to Rainbow Dash, and your friend Stewart. I’m sure they would return the favor.” Fluttershy said.
“It’s pretty much expected of me to be an asshole. Why would I break their expectations?” I asked.
“Well, I’m sure they would like you much more if you just treated them nicer.” Fluttershy said.
“Where is the fun in that?” I asked.
Fluttershy just shook her head and wrapped her arms around me. We both laid down on our backs, sideways on the bed. She rested her head on my chest and slowly started to fall back asleep. My mind started to go back over what had happened. Finding Pinkie, fucking, finding Rainbow Dash, fucking, finding Fluttershy, fucking, slavery, cage, douche bags. Man, the past few weeks have been a real adventure. I need a vacation. Just as that thought crossed my mind, Pinkie Pie woke up, then jump off the bed with a yawn. She even awakes like she is on sugar. Damn.
“Hello everyone! Oh, sorry, did I wake you up Fluttershy?” Pinkie asked.
Fluttershy was startled awake, and tightened her grip on my hand. “No, it’s okay. I was just about to get up anyway.” Fluttershy said.
“Well I have a great idea for today!” Pinkie Pie said. Fuck, this can’t be good.
“Let’s...go...TO A CLUB!” Pinkie screamed.
“No. That is not going to happen.” I said.
“Awh! Come on, why not? I read on the internet that it has drinking, and music! I LOVE music! And it has dancing. What’s not to love? I mean come on. We could use some fun, AND partying. I haven’t partied in such a long time. I just don’t know what would happen if I went another DAY without it. Come on!! Please? “ Pinkie said.
“No. You don’t have ID. You need ID to get into a club.” I said.
“ID can’t be that hard to come by can it?” Pinkie asked.
“Well not for normal people, but people from another world? Yeah, it’s kinda fuckin’ rare.” I said.
“Maybe if we go on the Diablo 3 market area, and if we have enough gold?” Fluttershy asked.
“Huh, maybe.. wait what? Have you been playing my games again?” I asked.
“Yes, but this time Stewart helped walk me through them.” Fluttershy said.
“Well I guess that’s okay.” I said.
“He told me to sell everything you had on your character, and what was in your chest. He said it makes the game much easier. And after that he deleted him also.” Fluttershy said.
“Goddamnit Stewart. I delete one little file on his Xbox, and he can never get his fill of vengeance. Now he has gone and murdered an innocent character. There will be no vengeance for Reaper... God rest his soul.” I said sadly.
“So can we just by an ID on your Diablo thingy!” Pinkie asked.
“No, no we can’t. You could try to get the most basic form of ID.. a drivers license.” I said.
“Cool! Then let’s get a drivers license!” Pinkie said. Fluttershy looked scared about the whole club idea. I wouldn’t doubt that she would be frightened to death if she went.
“You would have to go to the DMV, and bring your proof of birth, along with a bank statement, and on top of that, you would have to live through a 3 hour wait. And pass a drivers test. Not as easy as it sounds.” I said.
“Why would I need proof of birth? Aren’t I proof enough!” Pinkie said, sounding very confused.
“No, this is America. You have to prove you won’t blow up anything. America doesn’t like being blown up.” I said back.
“This sounds way too confusing. I’m going to go ask Rainbow Dash about it. Maybe her and Stewart will have another idea! Wait! I’m sure Twilight will!.” Pinkie said, and ran to the kitchen, I heard the door to the basement open and then her footsteps faded out.”
“Um, aren’t Stewart, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight down there doing.. you know..” Fluttershy said.
“Now why would that stop Pinkie from asking questions?” I asked with a smile.
“Yeah, good point. She tends to get so caught up in ideas, she forgets about other peoples lives.” Fluttershy said.
“What can you do? Better than Rainbow Dash walking in on us having sex.” I said.
I then heard more footsteps coming from the kitchen. I looked in the doorway of my room and saw Rainbow Dash and Pinkie standing there.
“Uh.. can I help you?” I asked.
“Stewart is um... well..” Rainbow Dash said thinking about her word choice.
“Is what? Did you fuck him to death or something?” I asked.
“Well... not to death... more like he can’t walk..” Rainbow Dash said.
“Oh... obvious jokes aside, did you not let him take a break or something?” I asked.
“Twilight used her magic to help him... uh... last longer.” Rainbow Dash said.
“I just bake Matt cupcakes! After he eats them, he is normally good to go.” Pinkie said.
“Yes, thank you Pinkie.” I said back.
“And sometimes I even let him help with the icing!” Pinkie said.
“YES Pinkie, we understand.” I said.
“But by icing... well I think you know what i mean.” Pinkie said.
“Goddamnit Pinkie, we get the picture!” I shouted.
“But it’s not always the sweet icing... well it doesn’t taste that sweet to me sometimes.. more bitter in a way.. actually-” Pinkie said as she was getting deep into the cupcakes that shall not be named.
“OKAY WE GET IT.” I shouted.
“Damn... you really are kinky aren’t you Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash asked with a sly smile on her face. “Maybe we can try a different kind of icing with me helping, if you know what I mean.”
“Okay, we get it. You are a lesbian and you approve of vagina. But right now you and Twilight have demobilized Stewart with your vagina. That is not good.” I said. “Or maybe it is... sure would make his cock blocks happen much less often... Hell if at all. Your vagina might have did me a favor Rainbow. Who would've thought I would ever say that.” I said, thinking of the amount of uninterrupted sex I could be having.
“Well you have got to help him. Meanwhile, Pinkie and I shall be baking.” Rainbow Dash said.
“First of all, I know enough about you to know you can’t cook worth shit. Also, I have read enough to know that any baking that you do with Pinkie will end up with you tied down in a basement.” I said.
“Wow, that sounds pretty hot. Maybe I should try baking.” Rainbow said with a perverted smile on her face.
“Oh Goddamnit.” I said. “And how the fuck am I supposed to help Stewart? I can’t just magically heal his fucking legs or something like that. Why don’t you have Twilight help him get his legs back up shape. She can do magic and shit.” I said.
“Even though she can somehow do magic without her horn, it will take time for her to learn how to use it without a horn. She can only do the sexual spells right now” Rainbow said.
“HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE?” I asked.
“It works as a good plot device! It will allow for more things to become developed in the story!!” Pinkie said.
“Good point. Damn, why aren’t you writing this story?” I asked.
“Who says I’m not?” Pinkie asked.
“Wow, mind fuck.” I said.
“Okay Pinkie, let’s get to baking.” Rainbow Dash said.
“But first lets go to a club!” Pinkie shouted.
“Wouldn’t Stewart want to go?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“He can come after he is all healed up.” Pinkie said
“YOU AREN’T GOING TO A FUCKING CLUB, YOU NEED ID GODDAMNIT!” I screamed.
“Chill.” Rainbow Dash said. “Besides I already have a great plan that will NOT fail. We don’t need ID.” Rainbow Dash said.
“You aren’t from fucking Star Wars. That doesn't fucking work.” I said.
“What are you talking about. All we have to do is sneak in.” Rainbow Dash said.
“You really are only good for your tits aren’t you?” I asked.
“And that is exactly how I will get in. All Fluttershy, Twilight, Pinkie, and I will have to do is show a bunch of cleavage.” Rainbow Dash said.
“That has got to be the stupidest fucking plan that I have ever fucking heard. Also, showing the bouncers your breasts is not considered sneaking in. It’s more like whoring your way in. But with that being said, it could still work.” I said.
“See? I’m not just good for my looks you asshole.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Who said your looks were good? Well whatever, good luck with that whole whoring your way into things. I’m going to make sure Stewart hasn’t been killed yet.” I said. I went down the stairs into the basement and on the blow up mattress I saw Stewart laying down... as I expected. Twilight was on top of him riding him it would seem. It’s time to fuck up his fun... or save him. Hopefully it’s going to fuck up his fun.
“Maybe you shouldn’t keep casting a spell on him that will destroy his ability to walk more than once? Just a suggestion.” I said.
“Main... are you watching from a post up high?” Stewart asked.
“From where I see the ships afar?” I continued.
“From a well trained eye” Stewart also continued.
“The waves keep on crashing by.” I said.
“What are you guys talking about?” Twilight said, getting her clothes on.
“Nothing. I came to ask Stewart if he wanted to come with me and get something to eat.” I said with a shit eating grin.
“Fuck you Main. Twilight said she will be able to cast a spell to heal it in time. Or it will just slowly subside.” Stewart said.
“Lucky you. By the way. The girls want to go to a club.” I said.
“Well that isn’t going to fucking happen.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, that’s just what I said. It would seem they aren’t in the listening mood today.” I said.
“They need ID... well among other things. Besides, one does not simply walk into a club.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, that’s what I said. Whatever. Not like they are going to get in.” I said.
“Well, why you two discuss our plans, I’m going to go upstairs and tell Rainbow Dash about Stewart’s condition. And about a few other ways of sneaking into a club.” Twilight said as she went back up the stairs.
“So.. Threesomes are pretty fun.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, no shit. It’s a good way to stay in shape.” I said.
“Well your workout plan isn’t working.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck you too. Well I’m going back upstairs in hopes of sex. Want anything to drink before I go?” I asked.
“I’m cool. Good luck. And don’t let Twilight help you get it up again.” Stewart said laughing.
“I’m sorry. I don’t have erectile dysfunction. I don’t need help fucking.” I said and walked back into the kitchen.
As I entered the kitchen I saw Pinkie Pie making out with Rainbow Dash while beginning to slip a finger into Rainbow Dash’s pants. Pinkie had her pants down and Twilight was slowly licking at her pussy.
“You really do have a way with teaching cooking Pinkie.” I said.
Pinkie broke away from the kiss. “Yeah, wanna join the class?” She said with a kinky smile.
“Maybe some other time. I gotta go talk to Fluttershy before you drag her out and teach her how to cook.” I said.
“Your loss.” Rainbow Dash said, pulling Pinkie in for another kiss. Man, I can’t wait to tell Stewart about this.
I walked into my room and saw Fluttershy, naked on my bed, slowly rubbing her clit. There is just no rest for my dick is there?
“Hey Fluttershy, it would seem you started without me.” I said, smiling.
“I didn’t think you were going to come back.. I got lonely.” She said.
“I could never misread one of your smiles.” I said. “Before I join you, I need to go do one thing real quick.”
I walked back down the hallway, and into the kitchen. I went halfway down the steps into the basement and yelled, “STEWART! PINKIE, RAINBOW, AND TWILIGHT ARE HAVING HOT LESBIAN SEX!”
“Fucking liar!” I heard him yell back.
I looked to Rainbow Dash and she smiled, and got the idea of what I was trying to do here. “Oh God Pinkie. Yes! Right there!” She said loud enough for it to travel down into the basement for Stewart to hear.
“Huh? Wow does my kissing, and fingering really feel that good? I’m better at this then I thought!” She said just enough for Stewart to hear, whether she meant to, or not.
“You have got to be fucking kidding! Main! Don’t you do a fucking thing! So help me God I will fucking kill you!” I heard him yell.
“Don’t worry Stewart, I’ll take good care of Twilight, and Rainbow Dash for you. You need your rest.” I said. “Okay, now back to that talking with Fluttershy.” I said to the group of ladies in front of me, and made my wake back to my room.
“Yeah, talking sure. I can see your pants Matthew.” Twilight said, taking a pause from licking Pinkies Nether regions.
“Damn, guess I’m just not that good of a liar now am I? Have fun you guys. Don’t stick any kitchen things in your vagina without cleaning them.” I said and made my way into my room, again greeted by Fluttershy slowly touching herself.
“Now where was I?” I said, climbing on top of Fluttershy
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 22: Drugs Are Bad Mkay
Chapter 22: Drugs Are Bad Mkay
*NOTE* Well I thought I was taking a break, but it would seem I had forgotten that I had already started on a chapter. So I just decided to finish it. It's not as long as the last three have been, but hey, it's something. Enjoy!
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
I awoke a few hours later. The clock indicated that it was almost 11PM. Fuck, I’ve been asleep for awhile now. Fluttershy was still sleeping next to me, her chest barely covered by the blue colored sheets that laid on my bed. Should I wake her? No, probably not, that would just lead to another half an hour of sex, then crashing. I put on new clothes from my closet, and walked out into the kitchen. Oh yeah, there was hot lesbian action happening on theses counters. So where are the lesbians. Elusive lesbians, I’ll give them that.
I walked down the stairs that led to the basement, preparing to see fucked up shit, thankfully, there was none. Just Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight playing Mortal Kombat on the N64.
“I don’t get it Pinkie, how are you so good at video games?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
“Someone has to make up for Twilight’s lack of skill!” Pinkie replied with a cheeky smile.
“Very funny you guys. This game is overly violent anyway. I would do much better if it was a book.” Twilight said.
“Yeah, because you can totally rip someones spine out in 64 bit graphics in a book. I can see how it would transfer well.” Rainbow said with a smirk.
“Make out! Hug! Have sex again!” I whispered from the stairs.
“Okay!” Pinkie said, then proceeded to make out with Rainbow Dash.
“What the hay! Come on Matt, don’t provoke Pinkie to be more perverted than she already is.” Twilight said.
“I don’t mind.” Rainbow Dash said after Pinkie realized I was there.
“Hey Matt! So when are you guys going to take us to the club? Stewart left to go back home, and when we asked him, he said let Main deal with it! And here you are, so deal with it!” PInkie said.
“I thought we already discussed this. NO clubbing, ever, at all.” I said.
“Come on, you and I both know you can’t tell Pinkie what to do. Besides, I wanna go clubbing. I hear they have more of that whiskey stuff. That stuff was killer!” Rainbow said.
“Yeah. And I would like to study how humans interact with each other in such a social environment as a club. It would make an excellent find to report to Princess Celestia.” Twilight said.
“Wait, what? How humans interact in a social environment? How the fuck do you think we act? We get drunk, do drugs, have sex, and then repeat. That is pretty much what a club is. And no Pinkie, you can’t try cocaine.” I said.
“WHY!” Pinkie complained.
“Because it makes you high, it makes you hype, it makes you really want to go.” I replied back. “You already go enough. You don’t need anymore go in your daily activity.”
“I can NEVER have enough go in my life!” Pinke said.
“I am not explaining your cocaine addiction to Princess Celestia. She would probably send me to the moon. Fuck that.” I replied back. “Speaking of your so called God, where the Hell has she been? I figured she could just teleport here, find you guys, then teleport back. Well, she could leave Pinkie and Fluttershy, I could do without Gay Pride over there.”
“Oh suck my di-” Rainbow Dash was about to say.
“It’s Goddess” Twilight interrupted.
“Oh suck my di-” I was about to say.
“And.” Twilight interrupted again. “She doesn’t have the power to just teleport to other dimensions. It’s not as easy as it sounds.” Twilight finished.
“Psh, some God. Our God can do anything. He can like, cause floods, and then like, save people.” I said.
“Whatever! Our Goddess could totally kick your God’s ass!” Rainbow relied back.
“Apparently she can’t, because she can’t even handle dimensional teleportation!” I replied back.
“Your God still sucks!” Rainbow Dash replied back.
“Don’t make me throw a bible at you!” I said.
“I’ll throw the.. the.. wait do we even have a bible Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Well we actually have the, “History of Equestria”. That pretty much explains everything that we need to know about our Goddesses.” Twilight said.
“Yeah! I’ll throw that at you!” Rainbow said.
“Why can’t we all just understand that just because we have religious differences, doesn’t mean we must battle about them in such a petty way? We should love, and respect one another for our personalities, our value of friendship. We shouldn’t judge each other based on beliefs. Because everyone's beliefs will certainly be different. If we all just tried to be friends, and love one another, then we could see that petty differences such as theses, don’t really matter in the long run.” Pinkie said.
“Gay. I’m going to go find a bible and throw it at Rainbow.” I said.
“I’m going to continue insulting your religious ideals because fuck you.” Rainbow said.
“You’re both idiots.” Twilight sighed.
“I want to try cocaine!” PInkie said, sounding her normal self.
“NO!” We all screamed at once.
“Okay. So Stewart went were again?” I asked.
“He said something about College.” Rainbow said. “I’m totally going to be his roommate.”
“Wait..WHAT!?” I screamed. “We aren’t even done with Spring Break yet!”
“You took too long to write your chapters, so now he is in college. I told you that you should write them faster.” Twilight said.
“Fuck that, I’m going to call him and tell him to drop out.” I said as I picked up the phone from the basement to dial his number. I moved to the bathroom for more privacy.
The phone rang for three seconds, then he picked up.
“What’s up Main?” Stewart said.
“I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR LIKE FOUR HOURS, AND YOU JUST FUCKING GO TO COLLEGE!” I screamed.
“My test scores were pretty high, and I act as good as Shakespeare, so I got an acting scholarship.” Stewart said.
“WE ARE STILL IN SPRING BREAK! WE HAVE TO DO THAT ONE PLOT IDEA WHERE THE PONIES HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL. GODDAMN IT!” I screamed. I’m really looking forward to that too.
“You’re on your own. It’s not like I can just turn back time, or something.” Stewart said back.
“WHAT TIME!? WE’RE IN A STORY! TIME MOVES WHEN I SAY IT MOVES!” I said.
“Sorry, I’m staying here, it’s kick ass.” Stewart said back.
“Fine, whatever. Have fun in college. But you know.” I said.
“Oh God, what are you going to do?” Stewart asked.
“That’s just more girls for me to fuck. Since you are living in a dorm, it’s not like you can stop me from showing Rainbow Dash how to-” I almost finished.
“I’ll be back in a few hours.” Stewart said, sounding defeated, then hung up the phone.
Well that worked faster than I thought it would. And the conversation only lasted like 2 minutes. Quick, and effective.
As I made my way out of the bathroom from the basement I noticed something. Everyone was gone. Now where the fuck did they go? As I entered the kitchen I saw a small piece of paper my family would use to leave notes for each other. I picked it up, and it read,
“Twilight, Pinkie, and I have left to go to a club. Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me. Good luck with finding us.”
Son of a bitch. Well, there can’t be that many clubs in Kansas. Oh, who am I kidding I have never even went clubbing before in my life. This was going to be a pain in my ass.
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Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 23: Everybodies going to the party...
Chapter 23: Everybodies going to the party...
After reading the note, I quickly ran into my room. Pleasantly greeted by Fluttershy asleep in my bed. At least they didn’t drag her along with them. I decided it would be best not to wake her up. She doesn’t need to be dragged along with me to search for them.
I picked up the phone and called Stewart. Maybe he could help, no, he WILL help. I’m not allowing them to get conned into taking cocaine and then fucking all night... Well at least not without me. It took him two rings to pick up.
“Main, you are starting to act like a fucking housewife. You call me way too goddamn much.” Stewart said sarcastically.
“I don’t care about your sick fantasies. We have bigger problems.” I said.
“Call Of Duty got you down again?” He asked.
“No you fucktard. The girls, they went to some fucking club. They left me a note, something about me being an asshole, nothing new. But I don’t trust them in a fucking club. And I sure as Hell don’t trust Pinky around drugs.” I said in a state of panic.
“HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU LET THEM GO TO A CLUB?!” Stewart yelled.
“Gee, seeing as you had the amazing idea to leave me in charge of women it’s almost like it’s half your fault. Scratch that, ALL OF YOUR FAULT. I can’t take care of a raging lesbian, it’s not what I signed up for.” I said.
“What the fuck did you sign up for then?” Stewart asked.
“Lots of fucking, and maybe a gift card. I don’t know, Pinky wasn’t really clear on the details.” I said.
“Wait, what?” Stewart asked.
“It’s all apart of the sex with Pinkie contract, or as she calls it, “Filling her full of icing.” It comes with a great power card to Gamestop. Gotta say, it’s a really good deal. If I rack up more points, might even get the new Assassins Creed for free.” I said.
“Your sarcasm just gave me a mental break down, thanks for that. I’m almost there, I was planning on a surprise visit, but seeing as you fucked this up, this might turn into a search and rescue mission, or a detox and rescue mission.” Stewart said.
“I call dibs on the left over drugs.” I said.
“Not a chance in Hell Main. I don’t need two horny people running around high on cocaine. Your house is stained enough as it is. And I know you would make Rainbow Dash OD. I mean she would probably challenge you to see who could take the most, Hell she would probably challenge everyone- … Fuck.” The sudden realisation hit him.
“You know on second thought, maybe we should let them hang out some more at the club. It would be a great social experience for Twilight, and Rainbow Dash would OD on whatever drugs she finds and will die, so all in all good times. Pinky would probably even meet new guys that couldn’t wait to fill her full of- … Fuck.” Realisation is a bitch.
Stewart came rushing through the door and quickly got on the computer. What the fuck was he doing?
“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked him.
“Looking at your search history.” Stewart said.
“In the name of all that is holy, why the fuck would you do that?” I asked.
“I know they looked up clubs to go to on here. I saw them doing it... Main?” Stewart asked.
“Oh God, what the fuck did you find?” I asked.
“You have 300 videos viewed in XNXX. Care to explain?” Stewart asked.
“I haven’t deleted my history in awhile, what do you want?” I asked.
“The first video’s date viewed was two days ago.” Stewart said.
“I could always pull out your laptop and see the thousands of gay porn sites you have frequented.” I said.
“You probably know them by name.” Stewart said. “What’s taking you so long to make a comeback?” Stewart asked.
“I’m thinking of ways to fuck up your relationship with Rainbow Dash.” I said.
“I had that good of a comeback?” Stewart asked.
“Go die. Now hurry up and find the club.” I said.
Thankfully there were was only one club they looked up. If luck was on our side, which it probably wasn’t, they would be at that club. If luck wasn’t. I hope they don’t get raped, then killed.
“Good news: That is probably the club.” Stewart said.
“Bad news?” I asked.
“We aren’t 21.” He said.
“Fuck, I didn’t think of that.” I said. “So what the fuck do we do?”
“Well clearly we knockout the guards at the back, sneak in through the kitchen, find the girls, and get out without ever being spotted.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, just let me get my fucking suit, and red tie. If we run into any trouble I’ll just fucking shoot them with the dual .45’s the hitman agency gave me.” I said.
“Okay, I get it. It doesn’t sound like a good plan.” Stewart said.
“I think I left my fucking wire around here someplace, maybe we can use it to choke out the guards. Then throw them in the dumpster.” I said.
“Okay asshole, you made your point.” Stewart said.
“If they aren’t found it will increase our overall score.” I continued.
“I fucking hate you Main.” Stewart said.
“So you’re suggesting, we sneak in the back. Actually, that could work.” I said.
“How do you figure that?” Stewart asked.
“Think about it. We wait in the back, hide, wait for the doors to open, and sneak in. MInus the assaulting people. I’m pretty sure breaking into a club isn’t as high of an offensive as battery.” I said.
“Yeah, fucking laws, we should be able to get in at 18. Thanks alot Mr. President.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, goddamn Bush.” I replied.
“What? Bush hasn’t been President for four years.” Stewart said.
“Then who is the President?” I asked.
“Obama.” Stewart replied.
“DIdn’t we kill him for blowing up the twin towers in 9/11?” I asked.
“Jesus fucking Christ. Remind me to not allow you to vote.” Stewart said.
“Hey don’t blame me. I wasn’t the one who voted in a zombie terrorist.” I said.
“The liberals are going to fucking hate you.” Stewart said.
“I thought they were joking when they said Liberals supported terrorism.” I said.
“Just keep talking Main. I’m sure people won’t get too offended in the comments.” Stewart said.
“OH, Obama is the black guy. Why the fuck did we vote in a black guy?” I asked.
“Well there goes the fans.” Stewart said.
“What are you guys talking about?” Fluttershy suddenly chimed in.
“How Obama is black, and supported by terrorist.” I said.
“I think you should apply for a job at Fox. They would love you there.” Stewart said.
“I don’t uh.. understand.” Fluttershy said.
“Your friends decided to fuck off to a club without telling us. Well they told me, just in a nasty note, called me an asshole. Hope Rainbow gets raped anally.” I said.
“You know she is my girlfriend right?” Stewart asked.
“Fine, I hope the guy wears a condom.” I said.
“This is why people call you an asshole Main.” Stewart said.
“They went to a club!?” Fluttershy asked. “Was it at least hosted by Pinky?” Fluttershy asked.
“Um, no. More like hosted by mafia drug lords.” I said.
“You don’t even know that Main, not all clubs are owned by criminal masterminds.” Stewart said.
“Whatever, you just watch. I bet some dumbass crime lord owns the club, and we will have to fight to get them back.” I said.
“Well I’m coming with you. I mean if you don’t mind...” Fluttershy said.
“No, no. You gotta stay here incase they come back home.” I said. “Call us if they come home. You know how to use the phone right?” I asked.
“Yeah. I saw Rainbow Dash use it to order something called a “Dildo.” Fluttershy said.
“HA!” I said.
“She said it was for Pinky.” Fluttershy continued.
“HA!” Stewart said.
“She said Pinky and her were going to help Twilight break out of her comfort zone, or something.” Fluttershy said.
“Nice.” Stewart and I both said.
“Well I guess that settles it. We will hopefully be back soon. If not, get a job and shit. Tell my Mom and Dad that I lived the good life. I mean I had a threesome, what more could you ask for in life?” I said.
And with that Stewart and I headed down to the club. Maybe they will be playing some System of a Down.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
“WAKE UP!” A voice yelled beside me.
“I think not.” I muttered as I rolled over on my side. It’s too early for this shit.
“COME ON! GET UP!” The same voice screamed beside me.
“Pinkie you can yell all you want, it won’t change the fact that I’m still tired as fuck.” I said.
“But Stewart and Twilight are here! It’s some sort of special day! At least that’s what he told me. They also told me to tell you there is food.” Pinkie replied.
“Little known fact. When I’m given the choice between food or sleep, I always choose sleep.” I said.
“But Stewart said you are fat as shit, and will never turn down food.” Pinkie replied.
“FUNNY GUY!” I yelled.
“I THINK I AM TOO, THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT!” I heard Stewart from yell from the other room.
“Come on! Get up! I’ll make it worth it later.” Pinkie said with a sly smile. “I’m sure Fluttershy and I can make it your best day ever.”
“I really don’t know how much farther you can take your sexual perversion.” I said.
“That’s a challenge isn’t it!” Pinkie said.
“Oh fuck me.” I said.
“Yes I will... but later. It’s Christmas, or whatever they’re calling it.” Pinkie said.
“Oh yeah I forgot. Better get up, God knows Stewart wants his gift.” I said.
“I WANT MY FUCKING GIFT!” I heard from the other room.
I wonder what he got Rainbow Dash for Christmas. Probably a strap on... or maybe she got him a strap on.
“You’re being a dick to me in your thoughts again aren’t you Main?” I heard Stewart from the other room.
“It’s almost like you know.” I said as I was getting dressed to go out into the living room. We have a small little tree on my dining room table since my parents still weren’t back from vacation. I’m assuming they have left me here to fend for myself in order to teach me some life lesson. All in all. Can’t say the lesson is going badly. Ten out of ten, would learn again.
I noticed it was almost 3 in the afternoon as I walked by my clock. Like I said, too fucking early for this shit. Pinkie followed behind me as I walked down the hallway, and entered the living room. I looked out the window and saw that it was snowing. Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Stewart were on one couch, as Fluttershy sat on the other one, yawning. I think we are all tired from last night. Stewart had a stroke of genius when he spiked all their drinks with vodka. Drunk ponies are best ponies, especially when they look like humans. They don't seem to remember a thing. Also we learned they for whatever reason don't get hang overs. Can't say the same for me.
“Alright Matty Watty stop having an inner monologue and make a joke or something.” Pinkie said.
“And here we go again Main. I blame you for this. You taught her how to have sex, you taught her how to troll me, and you taught her all the lyrics to every System of a Down song. Yet, you can’t teach her how to not break the fourth wall.” Stewart said.
“First of all, the sex thing came natural. Second of all, it’s not my fault she just so happened to sneak into your house, steal all your swords, and hide them in my crawl space.” I said.
“YOU GAVE HER THE KEY TO MY HOUSE!” Stewart said. “AND YOU TOLD HER WERE THE CRAWL SPACE WAS!”
“Yes I did. That is not teaching, it’s helping.” I said.
“I fucking hate you Main.” Stewart said.
“I’ve read up about Christmas, and the tradition, and the history behind it all. It’s a time for peace, and love. Not anger and arguments.” Twilight said.
“I’m not even mad.” I said.
“Neither am I.” Stewart said.
“You guys are hopeless.” Twilight said, covering her face with her hand.
“Lets open presents!” Rainbow said. Clearly ready to get this shit started.
“Okay. Let me get the presents from our sad excuse of a Christmas tree.” I said.
I grabbed most of the presents and carried them over to the middle of the living room. After the second trip, I distributed them according to name to everyone.
“Okay. Since we aren’t all going to open ours at once, we should try to come up with a order that we should follow-” Twilight was saying.
*RIP*
Pinkie had already ripped into her first present, it was from me.
“I could have told you that was going to happen.” Said Rainbow Dash.
“What did you get?” Fluttershy asked Pinkie.
“It’s... it’s... it’s my own personal Ipod!” Pinkie said with joy. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She said showering me with kisses.
“Seriously Main. She loves cooking, and you give her an Ipod.” Stewart said.
“Are you saying that I should have given her cooking supplies?” I asked. “You sexist fuck.” I said.
“Me next!” Rainbow shouted. She chose the present Stewart had gotten her, and ripped it open.
“Oh my Celestia! You got me a hoodie that has holes for my wings! Best present ever!” Rainbow said.
“Oh great, now Rainbow can fucking smack me with her wings even more than she already- *SMACK* OW! MOTHERFUCKER!” I said.
“I believe it’s Fluttershys turn.” Twilight said.
Fluttershy nodded her head, and choose the present I had gotten her. She took apart the wrapping paper with minimal noise.
“Oh my...” Fluttershy said. “You got me a laptop.”
“How the fuck do you have enough money to buy Pinkie an Ipod, and Fluttershy a laptop?” Stewart asked.
“It’s fiction, I don’t gotta explain shit.” I said.
Stewart sighed heavily and glanced at Pinkie.
“Well he is right, it’s fiction, he doesn’t have to explain shit.” She said with a smile.
Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie both moved closer to me as Twilight took her present from Stewart out of the pile. She neatly took the present apart without tearing a single piece of it. After she had the paper off, she folded it up, and sat it next to her.
“What is it?” Twilight asked.
“I think it’s a man. We haven’t actually confirmed Stewart’s sex yet.” I said.
“Main, don’t you have a heart condition that you need to go check on?” Stewart asked.
“You can try to get my to a doctor as fast as you want, they still won’t have your gender results back for another week.” I said.
“I really need to find my swords.” Stewart said.
“I shall repeat my question. WHAT IS THIS!” Twilight asked.
"It’s a kindle.” Stewart said. “You can use it to read as many books as you like.”
Twilights had a brain lapse for a moment, then quickly jumped Stewart, showering him with kisses.
“Kissing party!” Pinkie screamed, then tackled Fluttershy.
I glanced at Rainbow Dash. “Don’t even think about it gay pride.” I said.
“Hey Matt, what’s that on the side of your head?” Rainbow asked.
“You’re going to smack me with your fucking wings again aren’t you?” I asked.
*SMACK*
“MOTHERFUCKER!” I said again. That one actually fucking hurt.
“Okay Matthew.” Twilight said getting off of Stewart, and straightening out her clothes. “I believe it’s your turn.”
I decided to open all the presents I got from the girls first. Pinkie got me free sex for life card. Fluttershy didn’t have a wrapped gift for me, she whispered in my ear that my gift would come later. This isn’t like her... I wonder what she is planning.
Rainbow Dash simply got me a card.
“Do I even want to know what’s written inside the card?” I asked.
“Just open it fat ass.” She said.
The card contained a note that said, “One free insult.” Huh, clever.
“This is the greatest gift ever.” I said. “I don’t know when to use it!”
“I’m pretty sure you are just going to waste it like a dumbass.” Stewart said.
“Open my present!” Twilight said.
“Cutting him off won’t stop the insults.” Stewart said.
“There isn’t anything from you.” I said.
“Oh yeah! I forgot.” She said, and quickly made her way into the kitchen, and returned with a piece of cake. “Well since I know you like food.” She said.
“I feel like this is an elaborate fat joke set up by Stewart.” I said.
“It’s nothing like that!” She said and gave me the piece of cake. I quickly ate it. Holy shit.
“This is the best fucking cake I’ve ever had in my entire goddamn life.” I said.
“I guess that’s one way to put it.” Twilight said.
Pinky suddenly appeared randomly behind Stewart with a similar piece of cake. “Fluttershy and I made this for you!” Pinkie said.
“You know I hate cake.” Stewart said.
“This isn’t just any cake!” Pinkie said. “It’s the best gosh darn cake you’re ever going to have in your entire flipping life!” She said.
“Hey, look at that, she didn’t say fuck. I’m proud of you Pinkie.” I said.
Stewart shrugged and took a bite of it, then quickly ate the rest in the same manner as I did. “Holy fucking shit, you weren’t joking!” Stewart said. “Best present ever.”
“Hey Stewart.” Rainbow said. “We know what you were the one who spiked the drinks by the way.”
“I also know that you had a hand in it Matty Watty.” Pinkie said.
“Main, I think we’re fucked.” Stewart said.
“So Pinkie Pie baked us both cakes, and Twilight pretended that it was her gift to me. In before cupcakes.” I said.
“Oh God we’re so fucked.” Stewart said.
“The room is getting... dark.” I said.
“Yeah dumbass, she fucking drugged us.” Stewart said.
“I was trying to be dramatic, but if you want to go out like a faggot, then be my guest.” I said.
“You’re the master of going out with faggots Main.” Stewart said.
“Before I got into a coma, I would like to say one thing.” I said. “Rainbow Dash is a cunt.” I said and blacked out.
“Main... you just wasted... fuck it, I’m going to black out too.” Stewart said.
************************************************************************************************************************************************************
I woke up strapped down to my bed, naked. This really doesn’t surprise me. Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy were both standing behind me, with dominatrix outfits on. Again, this doesn’t really surprise me.
Fluttershy climbed in top of me, while Pinkie Pie planted her ass on my face. Huh, I guess they make crotchless dominatrix outfits.
“Are you ready for your real Christmas present?” Pinkie asked.
She lifted her ass slightly so I could talk. “I still didn’t get my present from Fluttershy.” I said.
Fluttershy leaned in close to my face, Pinkie Pie moved over so Fluttershy’s nose touched mine.
“You’re about to get it.” She said in the most innocent voice I had ever heard. She then quickly slipped my dick into her dripping wet pussy. At that same time, Pinkie Pie pressed her ass against my face again.
“Best Christmas EVER!” They both said.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 24: To Have a Real Good Time
Chapter 24: To Have a Real Good Time
After many sarcastic comments we finally arrived at the club. We noticed that it was busy... Really fucking busy.
“So this isn’t how I expected a club to be in Kansas.” I said.
“Yeah, isn’t everyone supposed to be boring as fuck? You know, sit at home, playing games, maybe reading a book. Kinda like you, without the reading part.” Stewart said.
“I guess I can’t really insult you for being correct.” I said.
“That hasn’t stopped you before.” Stewart commented back.
“Yeah, you’re right. So are we still going to sneak into the back? Or try to pass as 21?” I asked.
“You and I both know you can barely pass for 18. Remember how they tried to get you kicked out of that one Hookah Bar?” Stewart finished.
“Yeah, I get it.” I said, not having much faith in our plan. “It’s just, sneaking into the back. It sounded stupid at first, but now it just sounds plain retarded.” I said.
“Sometimes you do retarded things for love. I would almost kill to see Rainbow again. Just the thought of her being in some club while probably being harassed by some douche bag. I feel like it was just yesterday that we...” Stewart was saying.
“Are you done yet?” I asked.
“No, I had like four more lines in my script left to read.” Stewart said.
“Well stop it. We need to sneak in and rescue them, or ruin their good time. Either way, shit has to be done.” I said.
“Well, well, well. Look who we have here.” A voice said from behind us.
“Rick?!” Stewart said as he turned around.
“Douchey Mc Faggotfuck? Didn’t we kick your ass like seven chapters back?” I asked.
“No dude, remember? He ran away pissing his pants because of what Pinkie did.” Stewart said.
“Oh yeah, I forgot.” I said.
“Okay, enough talking. What the fuck are you doing on my territory?” Rick asked. “And didn’t the police even question you?” Rick asked.
“I didn’t feel like writing in the Police. Too much work, it was like four in the mourning. I had Two Best Friends episodes to watch.” I said.
Rick stared at Stewart. “Well aren’t you going to get mad at him for breaking the fourth wall for the 100th time?” Rick asked.
“I’ve come to terms with his stupidity.” Stewart said.
“And how do you know about my breaking of the fourth wall? I don’t remember inviting you to my special friends club.” I said
“Special friends club? Listen, I always thought you were a little stupid, but special isn’t a very nice way to put it.” Rick said.
“Okay, that was funny.” Stewart said.
“He hit your girlfriend... or whatever the fuck you’re calling her.” I said.
“Wheres my sword?” Stewart asked.
“Okay, okay, okay. Calm down.” Rick said. “I noticed your little whores went into that club.” Rick said.
“Did you see how they got into the club?” I asked.
“They all flashed their tits.” Rick said.
“I guess he is right, they are whores...” Stewart said.
“Well aren’t you going to go inside and save them or whatever you fucking white knights are here to do?” Rick asked.
“Question One: Why the fuck do you care? Question Two: What do we need to save them from? And Question Three: Why the fuck do you care?” Stewart asked.
“This is a club that does mostly raves.” Said Rick.
“I fucking hate dancing.” I muttered.
“It’s probably because every time you fall you cause the building to come down.” Stewart said.
“Well you know me, I’m known to bring down the house at dance parties.” I said.
“Don’t ever say something like that again, ever.” Stewart said sighing.
“Are you finished?” Rick asked.
“I don’t know, I guess I could call Stewart a faggot or something.” I said.
“I’ve got room for one more fat joke.” Stewart said.
“Ugh, you do know what people take in raves right?” Rick asked.
“Um... drinks, do they take drinks?” I said.
“Oh shit...” Stewart said. The realisation hit him.
“Speed you dumbass. They do speed.” Rick said.
“I hate that game.” I said
“Goddamn it! DRUGS! They do drugs!” Rick said.
“Well this isn’t good.” I said
“Yeah, no shit.” Stewart said. “How the fuck are we going to get in there now? No doubt Rainbow Dash has tried some.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, Pinkie has probably already overdosed. God damn it.” I said
“No problem. I can get you in.” Said Rick.
“Wow thanks for being a good friend. I mean, you totally don’t have any reason to try to get us back for fucking up your friends at that warehouse. So we should totally trust you.” I said.
“Yeah asshole, why are you being so nice all the sudden?” Stewart asked.
“Do you want in or don’t you?” Rick asked. “I’m only doing this so those whores don’t die. I mean when they eventually leave you, I would like them to join my crew.” Rick said.
“Fuck it. It’s not like we are going to get in any other way. Might as well try this one.” I said.
“I guess.” Stewart said.
Rick escorted us to the back of the club. The people at the back let us in with no questions asked. This isn’t good. That means he must have some sort of pull at this place. Fuck, hope nothing too bad as happened to the girls. If it’s just drugs, then I can deal with that. But I don’t know if my body can take another fight.
The place was loud, it was flashy, and I think so guy just took a hit of cocaine off of some chicks tits. Great.
“So.” Stewart said. “I mean, we have handled worse right?”
“As long as you don’t do anything stupid, this should go well.” I said.
“Fuck off fat one. We got to find everyone before drugs happen.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, well easier said than done right?” I asked.
It was about that time I noticed Pinkie. On the main dance floor. Grinding Twilight, and Rainbow Dash.
“Found them.” I said.
“Where?” Stewart asked.
“Keep looking.” I said.
“I still don’t fucking see them...” Stewart said.
“Give it a minute.” I said.
“You are so... oh, hey there they are. Huh, that looks like fun.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, that really does doesn’t it.” I said.
“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Stewart asked.
“Sex?” I asked.
“Well... whatever, close enough.” Stewart said.
As we made our way up to the main dance floor a man stopped us right in our tracks.
“You got a pass?” He asked.
“A what?” I asked back.
“I’ll take that as a no.” He said, and started to usher us out of the club.
“No! Rick, you asshole!” Stewart shouted. “You didn’t fucking give us passes!”
“Well this sucks.” I said.
When we finally made it out of the club, without fighting the guy, because I didn’t want to get my shit shoved in, we sat defeated on the curb.
“This sucks.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Sex, it could have been, should have been, but never was.” I said.
“They didn’t look like they were getting in too much trouble right? I mean they didn’t look high, and they weren’t being swarmed by douche bags.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, you got a point. Still, would have been cool to dance with them in the club.” I said.
“HA, you, dance. You dancing reflects a retarded seal trying to clap his hands.” Stewart said.
“Stewart, that joke went too far.” I said.
“In a big way?” Stewart asked.
“In a lot of ways.” I said.
“It’s all downhill from here?” Stewart asked.
“HEY GUYS!” I heard Pinkie shout from behind me.
“Oh thank God.” I said. “I thought you had been raped by fanboys.”
“What?” Pinkie asked confused.
“Never mind him, where is Twilight and Rainbow Dash.” Stewart asked.
“I don’t know, last I saw of them, they were going in the back room with some guy.” Pinkie said.
“HA! I told you I had the smarter one.” I said.
“Fuck off! We gotta save them!” Stewart said.
“Yeah, that’s going to be fucking easy, seeing as we are clearly able to get inside the club.” I said.
“We aren’t, but maybe with Pinkie...” Stewart said. “Alright, with Pinkie we can get in no problem.” Stewart said.
“Alright, lets go.” I said.
“YAY! ADVENTURE!” Pinkie said as we made our way up to the club entrance.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 25: Suprise Motherf**ker
Chapter 25: Suprise Motherf**ker
We continued running up to the door with Pinkie in the lead. Stewart and I followed close behind. When we reached the opening, the line to get in wasn’t really that large all things considered. Kansas isn’t really known as club capital USA.
“So is she really going to flash her tits again?” Stewart asked.
“It’s not like she has any other way of getting in. What else is she going to do? Fuck her way to the garden? And by garden I mean club, and by fuck I mean sex.” I said.
“Yes, thank you Main. God forbid you left me hanging with fuck. Without you I would have been in the dark to your amazing joke, but now that you have explained to me the meaning of this word known as fuck, I can laugh. Notice how I’m laughing, with a stone expression. Very funny.” Stewart said.
“I thought it was funny too!” Pinkie said as we neared the bouncer.
“Ugh, just show him your tits so we can get in.” Stewart said
“ID.” The bouncer said.
“Okay!” Pinkie said as she lifted her shirt to expose her breasts.
“Woah, um...” The bouncer stuttered as he looked around to make sure no one was around. “Okay, you’re in.”
“Yay!” Pinkie shouted as she began walking into the club.
“Wow, that was easy. Looks like pinkies breasts are good for more than...” I began.
“I really don’t want you to finish that sentence.” Stewart said.
“Hey, where the fuck do you think you kids are going? ID.” The bouncer said.
“We are with her.” I said.
“I didn’t see you flash any tits, so fuck off.” The bouncer said.
“Do you really want Main to flash? I didn’t know there were people who actually wanted to be blind.” Stewart said.
“You could always flash, Stewart, blind them with the white of your pale as shit skin, then we could try to make a run for it.” I said.
“I don’t fucking see you in your backyard with one of those dumb mirror things, laying on a lawn chair asshole.” Stewart said.
“Skin cancer is dangerous Stewart. Don’t you know the dangers of the sun?” I asked.
“Yeah, because smoking, drinking, and eating five times your fucking body weight is doing wonders for your health right now.” Stewart said.
“I’m not dead yet. I’m feeling great.” I said.
“Oh, really? Just now, walking from the curb to the club you started sweating.” Stewart said.
“It’s fucking hot!” I said.
“It’s 70 degrees! How is that hot, explain to me how that is anywhere near hot!” Stewart said.
“I get hot easy, it’s not my fault.” I said.
“Because that totally has nothing to do with your weight.” Stewart said.
“I didn’t know you were a doctor. Got your PHD in fagology?” I said.
“Gay joke number four hundred and sixty five.” Stewart said. “I’m starting to think it’s wishful thinking.”
“First of all, it’s seven hundred and ninety four. Second of all, I’m pretty sure the hundreds of sexualy acts with Pinkie and Fluttershy have proven any of your comebacks useless.” I said.
“Matt! Where you at?!” I heard Pinkie shout from club.
“On the side of the freeway, in the car.” Stewart responded.
“Hey, the System of a Down references are my lines. Learn your fucking script.” I said.
“Are you ladies done bickering like a married couple yet? Clear the fucking entrance assholes, people are trying to get in.” The bouncer said.
Both Stewart and I looked behind us noticing no one was there.
“Yeah Main, we should probably clear the entrance. Wouldn’t want to stop the hundreds of people lined up behind us from getting in, right?” Stewart asked.
“Yeah, good point. Would hate for the hundreds of people to start freaking out, and causing a hundred person riot seeing as there are totally hundreds of people back there.” I said as we both mocked turning around.
“Man, they’re starting to riot back there because of how long we’ve been holding up the line.” Stewart said.
“Christ, one of them almost hit me with a chair, how did he even get a chair? Must have been imaginary, kinda like the people.” I said.
“Do you fucks make it a point of being an asshole to everyone you talk to?” The bouncer asked.
“Well it is on my bucket list.” I said.
“Sorry, Mains ability of being an asshole seems to rub off on everyone.” Stewart said.
“You just said my asshole rubs off on everyone.” I stated
“Jesus Christ. Nice to know we’re back in the fifth grade.” Stewart said.
“I wish I was in the fifth grade. Life was easy, and I didn’t have to bail three girls from an alternate universe from a club, where they are probably getting raped.” I said.
“No sex in the fifth grade.” Stewart said.
“Nevermind, fifth grade sucked. Sex is much better.” I said.
“What was that about three girls from an alternate universe?” The bouncer asked.
“Dude, save it.” Stewart said.
“Um... uh... You know, like their bodies are out of the world, and the things they do are... like from another universe.” I said.
“Yeah.” Stewart said, rolling his eyes. “Nice save.”
“And by things I mean sex.” I said.
“Jesus Christ. Thank God for you Main. I mean without you, all of your genius jokes that my tiny brain couldn’t possibly comprehend would go unknown. And thankfully I now how what you mean, because again, it was so fucking funny.” Stewart said.
“Wow, I think you broke the sarcasm meter with that rant. And we just got a new one too.” I said.
“What’s the bouncers name anyway?” Stewart asked, looking at the bouncer.
“You could have just asked me.” The bouncer said.
“Yeah, that was kind of rude, I mean he is like right there.” I said.
“I am asking you.” Stewart said, his voice sounding very annoyed.
“But you just kind of let the question float, not really even targeted to anyone.” The bouncer said.
“Yeah, it’s like you were talking to yourself. Are you crazy?” I asked.
“For the love of God I just want this to be over.” Stewart said.
“My name is Jack by the way.” The bouncer said.
“Hey, we know where he is at.” I said.
“This isn’t a freeway, nor is this by a car.” Stewart said.
“Man, I love Coldplay.” Jack said.
Before I could insult his musical taste, and call him a faggot, Pinkie, along with Twilight, and Rainbow randomly appeared from the exit of the club.
“How did you even? I asked.
“Did Pinky really just do our job for us?” Stewart asked.
“Yeah, though I’m not complaining.” I said.
“Hey! Did you guys not even make into the club?” Pinkie asked.
“Yeah, no, plan did not go as well as I thought it would.” I said.
“But I flashed my fun bags!” Pinkie said.
“Sadly your fun bags do not carry over.” I said.
“Thankfully you guys are okay.” Stewart said. “Wait... you guys are okay right?” Stewart asked.
“Yeah.” Rainbow said. “Some guy lead us up to some private room and tried some funny stuff, but Twilight zapped his penis off.” Rainbow said.
“Well, that’s good... wait, she did what!?” I asked.
“Zapped his penis off.” Rainbow restated.
“Wait, you can fucking do that?” I asked. “Does that mean you can also make penis appear on other peoples bodies?” I asked.
“Main, I swear to God, if you take this story into a weird direction, I’m leaving.” Stewart said.
“So that’s why Stewart can have sex. You gave him something he never had. Wow you are really in her debt aren’t you?” I asked.
“Nope, not a weird direction, just an insult. I don’t know what I expected.” Stewart said.
“Apparently gay stuff, not that I put that past you.” I said.
“So you zapped some guys penis off, how did he take it?” Stewart asked.
“He just looked down, and started crying soon after.” Twilight said. “I take it that men in this world really value their genitallia.” Twilight said.
“I’m pretty sure men in any world value their genitallia.” I said. “Unless there is some world where genitallia for men always gets in the way, becoming annoying.”
“Sounds kind of like this world's version.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, then maybe he was crying tears of joy?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Stewart chuckled. “Doubtful.”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m actually very upset up this new tidbit of knowledge. You have the ablity to make penis’s disapear, and not in the fun way.” I said.
“I don’t get it.” Pinkie said.
“Don’t worry Matthew. I wouldn’t dare do anything like that to you, or Stewart. I don’t really consider you guys very threatening. And as for your joke... crude.” Twilight said.
“Oh I get it.” Pinkie said. “It’s like sex.”
“I’m starting to think that one day Main and Pinkie will suddenly become one, joining together in an ever expanding form of bad jokes, and sexual perversion.” Stewart said.
“Well... that’s how you know it’s over.” I said.
“When all the bad jokes are close by you?” Stewart said.
“I think that’s enough musical references for one day.” Rainbow said.
“You’re just mad because I haven’t invited you to my super special awesome music club.” I said.
“You guys listen to like three bands, constantly, and just make jokes referencing their lyrics.” Rainbow said.
“She has a point.” Stewart said.
“How does she know the inner workings of my organization. Who’s been leaking information? Was it Edward Snowden?” I asked.
“Did you just make a joke that was actually based in the world, and has political meaning?” Stewart asked.
“Surprise you?” I asked.
“Yeah, just weird that you actually know what’s going on in the world. I figured your life was sex, music, and making fun of me.” I said.
“Hey, I know about current events. I know of the Obama.” I said.
“Okay, good to know.” Stewart said.
“I know about the War In Iraq.” I said.
“Not actually a thing anymore.” Stewart said.
“I know about the Patriot Act.” I said.
“Yeah, that was like ten years ago.” Stewart said.
“George Bush is the vice president, right?” I asked.
“I don’t even know what to say about that.” Stewart said.
“Joe Biden is one of the biggest figures in the NRA.” I said.
“Well now you’re just being silly.” Stewart said.
“It’s nice to see that the libertarian party is in control of the senate again.” I said.
“Well there goes any of our chance at ever being involved with politics.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, because all the other shit we did, didn’t fuck our chances.” I said.
“I thought we had a winning chance.” Stewart said.
“For some reason the slogan, ‘Vote Stewart, Matthew 2016. We are down with the Wu-Tang’, doesn’t seem like it would really help us get electoral votes.” I said.
“Is this whole joke over yet?” PInkie asked. “I’m ready to go home and molest Fluttershy.”
“Well I guess we should probably leave, not much else we can do here.” Stewart said as we started getting grouped up.
We made our way to the parking lot and found Stewarts white car. We all piled into the vehicle, the three girls in back, me in the passengers seat. As we started to pull out and make our way to the exit, some guys ran out of the club, spotted us and ran to where our car was.
“There’s the bitch who made... well she did something!” The random guy yelled. I’m assuming it’s the same man who is probably wondering how he is going to take a piss now. He had about three other guys with him.
“Yeah, you should probably step on it.” I said to Stewart. I rolled down the window.
“SEE YOU LATER, FUCKERS!” I screamed out the side.
“Hey, yeah, there is oncoming traffic, we are going to have to wait for an opening so I can pull in.” Stewart said.
“Oh... uh, so... how you doing, fuckers?” I asked.
“Get them!” The man yelled, as they ran to the car.
Before they could attack our car with their fist Stewart pulled out into traffic, barely avoiding an accident. After a few collective sighs of relief, we made our way down the street and back to my house. We arrived about twenty minutes later we finally made it to my house at about nine at night. We got out of the car, and made our way to the door.
“So, that wasn’t fun at all.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, I didn’t even get to dance.” I said.
“You hate all mainstream music, and you hate dance music.” Stewart said.
“I can still dance to it. And I know about some mainstream music. I know about MC Hammer.” I said.
“We aren’t doing this again.” Stewart said.
“I’m just glad to be back at your house Matthew. I thought I would enjoy the study of humans in their favorite social environment.” Twilight said. “Turns out it’s not as fun as I imagined.”
“Yeah, and you zapped some dudes dick off. Not cool.” I said.
“Should we buy them collars so it’s easy to find them when they get lost?” Stewart asked.
“What would the collars say? “If lost please call this number, also please don’t rape.” I said.
“I feel like I should slap Matt.” Rainbow said.
“I thought that default mood setting.” I said as I made my way into the house.
“Um...” I said.
“Oh God, what the fuck happened now?” Stewart asked.
“There is a girl with flowing green and blue hair sitting on our couch.” I said.
“Oh, does she have a God-like aura around her?” Stewart asked.
“Yep.” I said.
“Does she seem cool, and calm, almost unnaturally so?” Stewart asked.
“Yep.” I said.
“Seems like their God showed up.” Stewart said.
“Their God has nice tits.” I said.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 26: Not This Again
Chapter 26: Not This Again
“Did you just say our God has nice tits?” Rainbow asked, anger protruding out of her voice, along with a look that could kill.
“Yeah Main, what an asshole thing to say.” Stewart said, chuckling.
“If it’s the truth, I honestly don’t see how it’s harmful.” I said.
“Harmful? It’s disrespect!” Twilight shouted, same amount of anger present with her.
“Eh, it’s not my god.” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“That’s a horrible reason not to show respect.” Twilight said. “She isn’t just a God, she is also a princess!”
“Eh, it’s not my princess.” I said.
“Goddamnit.” Stewart said, face-palming. “We should have seen that one coming.”
“You really should have.” Celestia giggled.
“Please excuse my...” Twilight paused, thinking about the next words out of her mouth. “... friend. Yeah, I guess I’ll call him that.”
I made my way over to her, put my arm around her shoulders, gaining an annoyed look from Stewart.
“Hey, come on, Twilight, babe. We go way back don’t we?” I asked.
“We go back like two weeks.” Twilight responded.
“Main, you’ve been playing too much Deadpool.” Stewart said.
“Oh I love that game!” Pinkie shouted.
“Oh wait, it’s been forever since a new pony like thing has came into the mix hasn’t it?” I asked to no one in particular.
“It would appear so.” Celestia said. “Where is Applejack and Rarity?” She asked, concern starting to fill her voice.
“Um... around?” I said.
“Around where?” Celestia countered back.
“Honestly, I have no clue. Normally they just kinda pop up.” I said.
“Just pop up?” Celestia asked, confused, then realization hit her.
“Wait... are you reading my thoughts?” I asked.
“Yes.” Celestia responded.
“Heh, I feel bad for you.” I said back.
“Yeah, that’s gotta be hell.” Stewart said. “I can only imagine the sexually perverse images you’re bombarded with.”
“They don’t seem to just include Matthew, either.” Celestia said, glancing at everyone present in the room, even Fluttershy who sat on the couch, near Celestia.
“So, uh yeah. How did you get here?” Rainbow asked, trying her hardest to change the subject.
“Well naturally, seeing as you have all been gone for far too long. I, along with Luna, made it a priority to come looking for you. When we traced your magic to this little planet called Earth, we made our way here. But for some reason, coming here turns you into the same shape as these creatures, as it did to you. It also seems to zap any magical powers from us.” Celestia said.
“You don’t have wings like Rainbow though.” I said. “I figured you would have wings.” I said.
“How would you... ah.” Celestia said, figuring out the reasoning to my statement.
“You know, that whole mind reading thing is going to get old... very fast.” I said.
“Something tells me it’s just really easy to read your mind Main.” Stewart said.
“I feel like that was a jab at my intelligence, but coming from someone lacking in that department, I don’t feel as offended as you think.” I said, laughing.
“Don’t worry Celestia, this is how they always act with each other... for some reason.” Twilight said.
“They have an... interesting relationship.” Celestia said, a smile coming across her lips.
“They aren’t so bad.” Rainbow said. “Well Stewart isn’t.”
“You love me, and want my dick. This is very well known.” I said.
*SMACK*
“I love how I don’t even really need to hit you.” Stewart said.
“So what are you planning on doing now Celestia?” Twilight asked.
“Well for now, our main priority should be to find Applejack, Rarity, and Luna. For some reason we didn’t land near each other, even though we left together.” Celestia said. “After that... I don’t know Twilight.”
“Hey, didn’t you say that your magic doesn’t work here?” I asked.
“Yes I did.” Celestia responded.
“Well that’s weird because-” I was about to say before Twilight interrupted me.
“Yes! Well uh, it seems that I can use magic.” Twilight said.
“How so... oh... that’s... interesting.” Celestia said, reading my thoughts.
“Why the fuck are you so obsessed with my thoughts? Seriously. Is it too much to ask for to be able to state the best thing ever.” I said.
“I don’t see how that’s the ‘best thing ever.’” Celestia said, rolling her eyes.
“Well all of this aside, I assume you will need some place to stay. Currently Twilight and Rainbow are staying with me, and Pinkie and Fluttershy are staying with Main.” Stewart said.
“Well, it would see we may be here for a while.” Celestia said. “Even though Twilight may possess some of her magic, I doubt it will be enough to take us all back to Equestria.”
“She has enough to make some dudes dick disappear.” I said. “That’s kind of a lot in my opinion.”
“I think Celestia should stay with us!” Pinkie shouted.
“Um... yeah, I wouldn’t mind.” Fluttershy quietly piped in.
“Well um.” Twilight started.
“Spit it out dick killer.” I said.
Gaining an annoyed look from both Stewart, and Twilight. Fuck yeah. Two for one.
“Maybe, she should um...” Twilight continued again
“On with it dick destroyer
“She should probably...” Twilight was about to say
“Dick slayer.” I said again.
“Do you have like an excess of jokes about people who make penises disappear?” Stewart asked.
“Does that really surprise you?” I asked.
“Not really.” Stewart said, shaking his head.
“As I was saying!” Twilight shouted, reaching her tolerance level for the interruptions. “I would like to suggest that maybe Celestia stay with... Stewart and I.”
“I want to have an orgy with a female God from another world too you know.” I said.
“WHAT?!” Twilight shouted.
“That’s why you want her to stay with you right? Which is kinda fucked up seeing as she is like a mother figure to you. I guess Kansas really has rubbed off on you.” I said.
“There will be no orgies, or any sexual perversion of that matter.” Celestia stated.
“Yeah, that’s what Twilight said, but look how that turned out.” I said.
“Yeah, you’re right, it hasn’t seemed to be according to her original plan.” Celestia said.
“Oh, yeah, just read my thoughts and shit, cool, not like it’s an invasion of privacy or anything, fucking fourth amendment breaking Princesses of bullshit.” I said.
“We’ve had a long day, I’m sure Matthew will become less hostile in the morning.” Twilight said, trying to excuse my temper.
“Ha, yeah, morning. When the fuck have we gotten up in the am?” I asked.
“Starting tomorrow.” Celestia said. “We need to find the others, and fast, but clearly you are all still tired, and need your rest.” She finished.
“Yeah, fine. We should go to bed.” I said. “Come on Pinkie, Fluttershy.” I said.
“Oh no, there is to be no more of this.” Celestia said.
“First your student pulls a Houdini on a mans dick, and now you’re pulling a Stewart on a mans dick.” I said.
“I feel like that was both a gay joke, and a cockblock joke.” Stewart said, annoyed by both meanings.
“My Matthew’s a master of two for ones, just ask Fluttershy!” Pinkie said.
“Oh my.” Celestia said, while holding her head in her hands.
“The girls, and I will bunk in another room, while you two find bedding up here.” Celestia ordered.
“The basement would be a good idea!” Rainbow said. “That’s where we went last time Twi enforced this rule.”
“The first and only time.” I said. “I would argue that it’s my house, but fuck it. I don’t even care anymore, I’m too tired to sarcasm my way out of this.” I said.
“Very well, we will take to the basement, good night, and sleep well Stewart and Matthew. We will need our strength for tomorrow.” Celestia said, and then along with the other girls, went into the basement.
“You let that go pretty easily you know.” Stewart said.
“Dude, you remember last time they went down there right? They got wasted, and came up, all without morals and shit.” I said.
“Yeah, a moraless pony, is the best pony.” Stewart said.
I went to my bedroom, and Stewart took to the guest room, and we both retired, semi hoping for drunk ponies to come in, and also semi hoping for just some rest. Christ, this is getting out of control. Five humanized hot beings from another dimension. Still, it’s weird. I almost imagined Celestia being more... trolly I guess. Maybe it’s too much fanfic or something. I guess there has to be at least one sane, none corrupt girl in the group.
*Clang*
The sound of glasses, and whiskey bottles echo from the basement. Well shit, maybe not. Okay, what the fuck? Come on, I wanna drink too. Someones going to have to replace that whiskey too. Shit doesn’t grow on trees.
After laying awake, awaiting the coming drunken storm for thirty minutes, nothing happened. Huh, maybe they just had a casual drink, and then went to sleep. I finally drifted into the grips of calming sleep.
______________________________________________________________________________
I came to when someone tapped my shoulder.
“Fuck off, I’m tired.” I simply said, not ready for bullshit. “It can’t be morning yet.”
“Well you’re right, it isn’t.” A familiar voice said.
“Then what do you want Celestia.” I said, turning over. “I don’t know wh-” I was saying until the sight of her caught me off-guard.
“Why are you naked.” I said. She had, like the others, a very slim body, and large breasts, with a wide ass, and a shaven pussy. I still don’t know how that happens, not that I’m complaining.
“Well, something happened, and I kind of need your help.” She said, looking to the ground, ashamed.
“Christ, what did you do?” I asked.
Suddenly I heard laughing, and drunk giggling.
“Celestia! Where are you! We aren’t done teaching you the ways of earth.” I heard Twilight’s voice say.
I smiled so wide that I think I tore my lips. “I guess you can’t send all of your problems to the moon, can you?
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Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 27: Same Old Shit, Different Chapter
Chapter 27: Same Old Shit, Different Chapter
“Honestly, you have to help me Matthew!” Celestia shouted at me.
“I’m not obligated to do shit. You ruined my fun time. I like my fun time!”
“Please, they tricked me into drinking whatever it is you have down there, and now they want to teach me the ways of earth!” Celestia pleaded to me
“What? Earth is fun. I’m sure they had really fun things planned for you.” I said.
“I can see how you would consider that fun, but not with them!” Celestia shouts.
“See, this is why I don’t help you. You read my mind, and then deny fun times. Besides, how the fuck could you fall for drinking that?” You say. Come to think of it, how come she isn’t at least tipsy? Whatever, I better be able to get back to sleep, or at least get my dick sucked. Both would be good. Yes, both is nice.
“How was I to know what was in the bottle?” Celestia asked, perplexed.
“Gee, I don’t know. Maybe you could have read their fucking minds or some shit.” I said.
“I wouldn’t dare read the minds of my subjects. That’s an invasion of personal privacy.” She says.
I stare at her with a less than amused look on my face.
“I fucking hate you.” I say, in a monotone voice, turning back over on my side.
“Please! If you do this for me, I’ll promise to stop invading your mind. I’m only doing so to insure my, and their safety!” Celestia pleaded. “If you help me with this, I’ll assume you, and your friend mean us no harm.” Celestia continued.
I turn back over
“Choices. Watching you get molested by your ‘subjects’, or not having my brain read.” I thought out loud. “Both are pretty fucking awesome, but one involves tits, and vaginas more than the other.” I say.
“I’m pretty sure your brain is the ultimate realm of that sort of thing.” Celestia says, with a slight smile.
“I’ll give that joke a 8/10.” I chuckled. “Alright, fine, I’ll save you. Don’t know how, but I’ll save you.” I said. “Also your body is pretty nice, so that kinda helps my decision.” I say
“That was pretty sexist.” Celestia says, but with a slight smile.
“Oh, go blog about it on Tumblr.” I retort.
I get up, and put on some pants, and a T-shirt, then make my way to the door with Celestia right behind me. I’m greeted by the hall way, and Stewart slowly making his way out of the guest room.
“So I’m assuming what we wanted to happen, has happened.” He says, yawning. He then notices a nude Celestia. “Yep, just what we wanted.”
“Pretty much, but where the fuck are they? They don’t go outside.” I said.
“I guess you have rubbed off on them.” Stewart says.
“Rubbed off in them, not on. What am I, a pervert?” I ask.
“I think most would agree that word suites you best.” Celestia said.
“Says the only naked one in the house.” I retort.
“This was not my choice!” Celestia says.
“Guess no doesn’t really mean no.” Stewart said.
“Okay, where the fuck are they? There is like only five rooms in this fucking house. How the hell could we have lost them?” I ask to no one in particular.
Suddenly the door behind us opens.
“Oh, I forgot about that one.” I said.
“Hey! Celly!” Twilight slurs. “What did ya have to leave so sooooon?”
“Holy shit, she is drunk off her fucking ass.” I said.
“Hey there Matty Watty!” Pinkie chimes in.
“You know, she really doesn’t seem all the different.” Stewart says.
“Let’s have lesbian sex!” Rainbow Dash boom from behind them, pushing her way up to the front.
“Isn’t that what you guys were doing in there?” I ask.
“Yes! Buuut! Not with Celly. I’ve always wanted to fuck a princess.” Rainbow says.
“I think we should start hiding the liquor from them. It kind of turns them into sex crazed maniacs.” Stewart says.
“Yeah, this does get tiring after awhile. It’s like three in the morning, and they, well most of them, are bombed as fuck. Hey, wait, where is Fluttershy?” I asked.
“I’m back here!” She shouts from behind the group of four ponies.
“We were playing spin the Fluttershy!” Pinkie shouts.
“Guys... I never agreed to be the bottle.” Fluttershy says quietly.
“Wow, Fluttershy being forced to do things she doesn’t want to. What else is fucking new.” Stewart sighs.
“How the hell does that game work anyway?” I asked, curious.
“Well, pretty much, we all run around Fluttershy, and then she shouts stop! And so we do, then whoever is in front of her, she has to do sexy things to.” Pinkie explains.
“Wouldn’t that be called, ‘Spin Around the Fluttershy?” I asked.
“More like, ‘Why wasn’t I invited’.” Stewart says.
“HA, it’s like a sex thing.” We both say.
“I think it’s time we all calmed down, and went to sleep.” Celestia says, sighing.
“They aren’t going anywhere near a bed until they are sober, or at least tired.” Stewart says.
“Unless a dick is involved.” I said.
“Well a dick is involved Main. You’re here aren’t you?” He asks
“I meant if someone with a dick is involved.” I say. “So you aren’t invited.” I say
“How would you propose we do that, then?” Celestia interrupts while Rainbow Dash and Twilight are making out, and Pinkie is taking pictures with a camera she got from... well it’s Pinkie. I don’t know where she gets half of the shit she has.
“That’s easy.” I say, and turn to the drunken girls.
“Rainbow Dash, you’re a flaming homosexual.” I said.
Suddenly Rainbow Dash stops doing her lesbian things and stares directly at me.
“What the buck did you just say to me!” She says, sounding extremely sober.
I turn my attention to Twilight. “Twilight, you fail at everything, books suck, you’re shit at magic, and your Princess... God... thing is upset with you.” I said.
“OH NO!” She shouts, completely sober.
“Ohh! Do me next!” Pinkie calls out.
“Pinkie... you’re vagina is nice.” I say
“Nice.” She repeats. “Nice.” We both say at the same time.
“Are you guys done being... whatever the fuck you call that.” Stewart says.
“Yeah, and we have to work out your little comment there.” Rainbow Dash says.
“You mean the truthful comment that was made while you were in the middle of making out with another women.” I say.
“And books don’t suck!” Twilight says, now thinking about my book comment.
“Unless it’s from R.L Stine, get that shit out of my face.” I say.
“He has a point.” Stewart says. “Most other books do suck pretty hard.”
“Clearly you’ve never read, ‘The History Of Equestria’.” Twilight says.
“Unless it’s about monsters, and the creepy, and wacky adventures that the gang has with them, then I don’t really give a fuck.” I say.
“I don’t think that’s Goosebumps.” Stewart says.
“Yeah it is. It’s the one with the talking dog.” I said.
“Nope, not even close.” Stewart continues.
“And the stoner dude.” I say.
“Fuck off, I’m tired.” Stewart sighs.
“Yeah, I guess I am kinda tired.” Rainbow Dash says, yawning.
“We should really be getting to bed. We have a long day ahead of us.” Twilight says.
“Implying I’m going on a search and rescue mission without a gun, and a cool uniform.” I say
“Why the fuck would you need a gun?” Stewart asks.
“Because terrorist. You never know when they will strike, and what if they are holding the other girls hostage? Wouldn’t you like a gun to shoot the bad guys with?” I ask Stewart.
“It must be fun living in your head.” Stewart says laughing.
“It’s pretty fucking rad, I’ve got to be honest.” I say
“I kinda want a gun now.” PInkie Pie says, tapping her chin.
“No!” The entire group shouts.
“So are we going to bed yet, or are we just going to talk about it?” Stewart asks.
“Yeah, we should probably go to sleep. It’s been a long day.” I say.
“Yeah, it feels like it’s been three months or something.” Stewart says yawning.
Suddenly a light comes shooting down from the ceiling, not breaking anyway, but directly striking Celestia. She glows a bright pink, and then just as sudden as the light appears, it disappears.
“Jesus fucking Christ, now what?” I ask.
“Um... Dude.” Stewart says.
“Oh god, what plot moving device has been used now.” I say, and then stare at Celestia. “Oh, that one.”
Celestia now has wings, and a small horn coming from her head.
“Huh.” Stewart says. “This is interesting, she is... different.”
“Still has nice tits though.” I say
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 28: It's Happening
Chapter 28: It's Happening
“Dude, I think you’re house is fucked up.” Stewart says
“No shit asshole. It doesn’t normally have a fucking hole in the roof.” I said.
“Calm your fatass down, I didn’t fucking call on a light from space God to come and hit her.” Stewart said.
“Space God? I think I’m blaming the new and slightly improved Celestia.” I said.
Celestia still remained semi-human, but now had some new ‘improvements’. A very elegant pair of wings hung off her back, and a horn protruded from her head. Her stunning body was of course left alone.
“I think she has changed for the worse. Now she can do magic, and fly. Shit’s fucking scary.” Stewart said.
“You have a point.” I said, looking at her laying on the floor.
“So... is she dead?” Stewart asked.
“WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!” Twilight shouted.
“What, like poke her with a stick? I have a cane in the closet. Will that do?” I asked.
“HOW WOULD THAT HELP?” Twilight asked with tears in her eyes.
“I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to poke something with a stick.” I said.
“I think the power has knocked her out. Suddenly becoming a god is probably a very frightening experience, and tiring, like I am.” Stewart said, yawning.
“Are we still going to buck her?” Rainbow asked.
“Are you on a sex offender list in your world? Because if you’re not, I think you should be.” I said.
“I don’t know Rainbow...” Twilight said. I guess not even her mentor, and Rainbow’s ‘princess’ getting struck with light from the sky can sober either of them up.
“Stewart, did we do a bad job?” I asked him.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Stewart asked back.
“Like, I feel like we raised them wrong. They’re talking about fucking a sleeping girl. I feel like we did a bad job.” I said.
“We didn’t raised them. If anything we corrupted them, and then fucked them.” Stewart said.
“When you put it that way, it’s sexier.” I said.
“We’re fucked up people.” Stewart said.
“Yeah, but not as fucked up as that.” I said, pointing at the rape happening.
Rainbow was sitting on top of Celestia’s face, pressing her apparently dripping pussy into Celestia’s slightly ajar mouth, and Twilight was rubbing her dripping women hood on Celestia’s, while facing Rainbow Dash. They started to make-out after a few seconds of pure bliss. Saliva dripping from their mouth as they continued the relentless, passionate kissing.
“Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up.” I kept saying.
“Why the fuck would you want her to wake up? Then this would stop. Why would you want this to stop?” Stewart asked.
“Either Celestia wakes up, gets super into it, and this becomes great. Or Celestia wakes up confused, and disturbed, and this becomes funny. Both are good options,” I said.
“Guys, what if she’s hurt?” Pinkie asked, suddenly appearing right by us. Leave it to Pinkie to be the sane one in this situation.
“Y-yeah... I don’t think this is a good idea,” Fluttershy peeped from behind Pinkie.
“Well they do have a point.” Stewart said. “That would make this all very sad, and disturbing.”
“This is already kinda disturbing, but it somehow found a way to be hot too. I think it’s all the vagina rubbing.” I said.
Rainbow had both of Twilight’s breast in her hands. Twilight found herself in a moment of pure bliss. She was shaking and whimpering, clearly getting close to orgasm. Somehow in Twilight’s ecstasy, she found the will to start slowly rubbing Rainbow’s clit, while Rainbow was still slowly humping at Celestia’s face.
“Normally I’d be super into this, but my head hurts because I’m not currently sleeping.” I said.
“Yeah, how do you think we should end th-” Stewart started.
Twilight and Rainbow dash suddenly started to levitate above Celestia. I noticed her horn was glowing. Oh fuck, it’s true, she’s got magic now. Ain’t that some shit?
“That’s quite enough you two. Now I don’t know what possessed you and caused you to do something this... disturbed, but it’s time to put an end to it.” She said as she sat them down. It seems like magical Celestia is the ultimate sobering experience for ponies, as all of their drunken behavior seemed to stop there, but it still did nothing to wake me up.
“We’re sorry Celestia.” They both sad, faces pointed down, clearly embarrassed. It seemed like they got caught trying to steal a cookie before dinner, rather than rapeing their ruler.
“For more than molesting your ruler I hope. You also tried to get me to drink that horrible tasting liquid, even though it clearly causes people to lose their senses.” Celestia continued. Damn, she was actually kinda pissed off. I could feel authority wafting off of her. “Further more, you all need to apologize to Fluttershy for treating her like... a bottle. Why would you even do that?”
“I guess for one we couldn’t find a bottle.” Rainbow Dash said, nervously smiling, and scratching her head. Twilight smacked her on the head.
They apologized to Fluttershy, and promised they would never do it again. (Yeah, that’s fucking bullshit).
“So...” Stewart said, trying to break the awkwardness. “I think I’m going to go to bed.” He said and slowly made his way to the guest bedroom.
“Yeah... I now have a hole in my fucking house, a God-like winged human-pony thing living with me, and more liquor down the drain. I think it’s time to call it a night.” I said, yawning and making my way back to my room.
Celestia tapped me on my shoulders as I was about to enter my room.
“I understand your exhaustion, but I would like to have a quick chat with you.” She said, sounding very neutral. Oh god, is this how it ends?
“That depends. Is it a normal chat, or a bitching chat? Because I’m in no mood to be bitched at.” I said, testing my luck. Fuck it, if I can’t sleep, may as well die.
“None of the sort, I just want to discuss living, and sleeping conditions, as well as how I think we should carry on the search for tomorrow. As much as I don’t approve of my pon- subjects, sleeping with you. I can’t imagine us sleeping in your basement for very much longer.” She said.
I continued my way into my room. I sat on my bed, and she sat near me.
“I guess I understand your hesitation with letting them sleep with us. Seeing as what you think is going to happen probably will.” I said.
“I figured as much.” She said, sighing.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. I guess trying to come up with something to say, or figure out how to best word our next statements. But, yet again, all of this was interrupted. Because apparently my life just isn’t fuckin’ interesting enough.
*SLAM* My front door was heard flying open. I could hear the paint chips, and bits of wall hit the tile.
Celestia and I ran out of my room and to the front door.
“SISTER!” The women in front of us exclaimed. “I’ve finally found you! We have- ... Why are you in the nude sister? I was informed that it was custom to be clothed while on this world.
Celestia was clearly at a loss for words.
“Who is this by you?” She asked.
She stood about average height. Dark black, and blue hair sat atop of her head. She wore a skin hugging black shirt, with skinny dark blue jeans. Her body was as amazing as all the others, because why the fuck not?
“I just don’t care anymore.” I said
They all looked at me.
“Just fuck it. Fucking use to be ponies just falling out the goddamn sky, ruining my house and shit. Just fuck it, I’m going to sleep. And I’m going to wake up tomorrow and get roped into doing shit that I just would rather not do.” Yes I was tired. I was still sulking on as I kept making my way to my room. I collapsed on my bed, and sleep overtook me quickly. Tomorrow was going to be annoying, and interesting. But mostly annoying.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 1: The knock on the door.
Chapter 1: The knock on the door.
Bored, so fucking bored. I slowly lifted myself up from my computer chair and drifted over to my router.
I unplugged it, annoyed at its complete failure. "That's the fourth fucking time today", I said, trying to keep quite.
My parents are asleep, and I'd like to keep it that way. Waking them up and having them question why I'm still up
at three am wouldn't be a very fun conversation. Even though I'm sure they know I don't go to bed until six am. Hardcore, I know.
After waiting thirty seconds I plug it back in, and again continue my slow drift to my computer chair, music still blaring out of my headphones. "This is probably how they seem to know what time I finally decide to go to sleep ", I think to myself. I turn off my music, and shut the computer down, then boot it back up. I wait for it to get to the log in screen, type my password and give my computer time to load all the necessary things. I pet my cat who is annoyed at the sudden interruption of her sleep. She nips at me, and I take the hint and stop petting her.
I open up my browser, and click on the bookmark of Youtube. I go to my play list titled "REPEAT" and listen to a band called "Scars on Broadway" that I really enjoy. The forty-four second demo of their song is so good, I needed a lazy way for it to repeat. Softly singing along to the words I have memorized, I try to find ways to occupy my time. I could get on my Xbox and see if my friend Stewart is on, but of course that would mean getting up and going through the motions of powering everything up. Fuck that I think to myself, reading My Little Pony fan fiction is much more easy.
After about half an hour of reading some... Interesting fan fiction. Fine extremely interesting fan fiction. O.k sexually explicate fan fiction that involves Fluttershy doing things to Rainbow dash. I have nothing to hide. O.k maybe I do. I go on Youtube hoping that my recent restart of my router will hopefully allow it to do the simple fucking task of loading a video. Thankfully it dose. I close out the addictive song I was listening to, I troll the videos in hopes of something that will get my attention. Finally I decide on Day9. After his entertaining Fun-Day Monday videos, I look at the clock and see that its already 4:15 AM. Well that was time consuming I think to myself. My cat then decides to scare the shit out of me and put her paw on my arm. Startled, I look down already knowing what it was in the first place. I pet her for a few seconds and follow her to her food dish. She looks at it with a annoyed look, as if telling me "Do you see this small hole in my food? If you don’t fill that up, I will have no choice but to annoy the hell out of you until it is filled." I get out her food and carefully poor a little bit into her dish, and she begins snacking at the food.
After some mindless walking around, I go into my basement, get a drink, and come back up. On my way up I look out my kitchen window and notice something very odd. A girl.. Well I think its a girl, is wondering outside in the streets and is acting, well odd. "Well this is defiantly not something you see every day. Should I A, go outside and see what is happening, or B. Should I stay inside, and hope whoever it is out there gets where they are drunkenly wondering to." "B, definitely B. B is normally always the right option. After reading and listening to many creepy pastas, B sounds like the greatest option anyone could ever come up with. And besides, what could possibly be out in the street that needed tended too right this moment. Probably a drunken kid who is making his or her way back to his or her house.
*Knock Knock Knock* "Oh son of a bitch", I said quietly to myself. Please don't tell me that whoever it is out there has decided that this looked like the best house to come to for aid. I angered, slowly made my way to the door. My parents haven’t came out of there slumber yet. Fuck, the only my dad would want to answer the door, and he is asleep. I will peer through the tiny window in our door, assess the situation, and decide then on what to do.
"You know I can see you through that tiny window in your door!" Said a distressed female voice. "Fuck" I said. So much for trying to assess the situation. Well now what. Eh fuck it, I'll answer the door, if she overpowers and murders me, I probably deserve it for not being able to defend myself against a innocent sounding girl.
I slowly open the door. "Um, hello?" I say sounding more scared then I meant to lead on.
"Hello! My name is Pinkie Pie, and I'm uh, kinda lost you could say." She said sounding a bit too Cheery for a girl in her situation.
Fuck I think to myself. This is going to be one hell of a fucking night.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 3: Unforseen circumstances
Chapter 3: Unforseen circumstances
I woke up sometime around 12 o’clock. “God what a restless sleep..” I thought to myself. All the problems of last night didn’t slowly fade away either. I guess that’s for the better. Mite as well attempt to get up and try to make the best of this situation. I don’t want Pinkie Pie to be roaming around my house doing God knows what.
I got some clothes together, and made my bed in the most lazy manner possible then decided it was time to go great my “House Guest.” I walked into the kitchen and smelt something very sweet. Wait didn’t she say something about make cupcakes. Oh God no.
“Hello sleepy head! Gee, you slept really late. I didn’t know if you would ever get up. I kinda wondered if you were dead. But ha ha that’s a stupid thought. What would you of died from? I don’t think people can die from sleeping too much. Hm, I wonder if people can die from that? No that’s just silly. Well anyway, I just finished making some SEARCH PARTY CUPCAKES! They are still kind of hot, but you should be able to eat them. I spent a long time making them.”
“Well, guess I wasn’t fast enough to save the kitchen.”
“What?”
“Oh nothing.. Well I guess I’ll try one of your cupcakes even though its not the most healthy breakfast item. But what do I know about health.”
I reached for the decorated cupcake. And slowly took a bite out of it. Not sure what to expect. If she was good at making cupcakes, that would be another thing to add to the evidence of her really being from My Little Pony.
It was.. Well, in simple terms. Amazing. I’ve never tasted anything like it before. Well, I guess she could be Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. But I still refuse to give up my sanity. I’ll say she is the one who is insane. That will make me feel a little bit better about the situation.
“Oh thanks! It’s always been one of my better traits actually. I really enjoyed making cupcakes. It’s just so easy to do. People say I talk to much, or go on forever. But at least I make great cupcakes. My friends really enjoyed them too.”
I could sense that she was really missing her friends. She probably wants to start searching for them soon too. But sadly I have no means of transportation. And walking around for six hours will not help a damn thing. Hm there has got to be something I can do to either keep her occupied while I figure out a way to solve our transportation dilemma.
“Hey, wow I feel embarrassed. I’ve never asked you your name. Silly me ha ha.”
“Oh yeah, um, it’s Matthew. Some call me Matt, but I don’t really care what you call me.”
“Oh well Matt it is.” She said giggling. God why is she so bubbly. Great trait to have in a situation like this I will admit.
“Hey Matt! I think we should get going and start the good old search for my friends! The sooner I can find them, the more quickly we can figure out this whole mess. Wait, how are we going to get around? We can’t just walk around the wherever it is that we are just wondering about without any transportation!”
Well I guess she is a little bit smarter then I presumed her to be. I wonder if she has any ideas.
“Yeah, I was just worrying about that myself. Like you said, we won’t cover much ground just wondering around the fucking town on foot.”
“Hey! You said that word again!”
“What? What word?”
“Fuck! That’s like the 9000 time I’ve heard you say it! It must mean something good if you keep using it a lot. Also someone told me to fuck off while I was by their house last night. But that doesn’t sound very nice to me..”
“Oh yeah. Um, why don’t you uh. Refrain from using it? I don’t think you would understand the meaning, or sound very proper using it.”
“Proper? And you don’t think I would understand the meaning of the word. You are starting to sound a lot like Rarity, and Twilight.”
Fuck I am starting to sound like them a little. But still, a small girl with pink curly hair running around spouting off the word fuck like it’s the best word she has ever heard. Yeah, I don’t want to be responsible for that. And then trying to explain what the real meaning of that word is to a girl who is from a children’s cartoon. Oh what am I saying, she isn’t from My Little Pony. I need to stop thinking like that.
“Yeah, well I guess we should start trying to find away around the whole no transportation thing.” I said completely ignoring her previous statement.
“Hm yeah. I wish I knew where Rainbow Dash was at. Then I could easily have her fly me around the city! Gosh, I really am starting to worry about them. I hope nothing bad happened to them.”
God, now I am starting to feel pretty sorry for her. Well it’s around 12:15. I don’t want her to be here when my parents get home. Oh fuck. What am I going to do when they do get home and she is still here? I guess I could try to hide her at a friends house. Wait!” Stewart’s parents are both out on spring break. I guess parents wanting away from their children is just common practice now. I could call him. Tell him that I have a problem. And then have him help with the search. I guess a car could help with the whole covering ground issue. Besides I have money I can give him for gas. And he said he wanted to hang out a few days ago. I hope this will work.
“Hey Pinkie. I’m sure they are fine. I doubt something bad happened to them in this quiet little town. Maybe they have already found each other and are now just looking for you. We will find them. Don’t worry. Besides, I have a plan.”
“You do! Oh goody! So what's the plan captain.” She said, then saluted me. I guess she was now in a better mood. I don’t know if that will help, or just make it more difficult.
“Well I have a friend named Stewart, who has a car. That will help us get around faster of course.”
“Oh cool! Wait, what the fuck is a car?” Pinkie said, trying out her newly learned word.
“Hey what did I tell you about that?”
“Fine grumpy pants. I won’t use the word.”
“Okay good. Well first of all. A car is a box like transportation device. It has four wheels and uses what we call gas to power it. They can go really fast. Or very slow. It all depends on how fast you want it to go.”
“Wow! That sounds neat. Can I drive it? Come on. Can I? Can I? Can I!”
“That is a complete and utter no. You don’t know how. And I don’t think I’m ready to die just now. Besides. Explaining this whole thing to Stewart isn’t going to be the easiest thing.”
“If you say so Captain.” She said saluting again. “I hope we can find them fast though. Oh hey! Look. Is that a car pulling up outside?” She asked with her normal bubbly voice.
“What?” I asked confused. Who the fuck would be in the driveway?
“Oh shit” I said out loud. Our truck pulled in right behind the car. Fuck they are both here. How the fuck am I going to hide her now.
“Shit?” She asked confused of course by the new obscenity. “Can I say that one? It sounds pretty weird though. Not as cool as fuck.”
“Damn it. Not now. Um, quick! Go downstairs. Turn left as soon as you exit the stairs, then make another quick left. Hide in the bathroom that you see!”
“Okie Dokie Lokie!” And with that she was off. Thank God she is quick.
Just then I heard the front door open with a loud shriek from years of never being oiled. I
could hear their footsteps coming in the door. Well. Here goes nothing I thought to myself.
Matthews Odd Pony Adventure
Chapter 20: Where is my cone?
Chapter 20: Where is my cone?
I awoke in my bed lying next to Pinkie, and Fluttershy. God, one shot of Whiskey and I can’t remember shit. I do remember Rainbow Dash molesting Twilight. You don’t just forget that. Pinkie and Fluttershy where on both sides of me. Fluttershy on my left, and Pinkie on my right. But hugging my arms, snuggled close to me. Well this sure makes if difficult to get up. I tried moving my arms free but to no use. They were in a deep sleep, and I was their snuggling choice for now. I could hear talking. I think it was Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Well I wouldn’t doubt they had some topics to discuss. I bet Twilight liked it, and just doesn’t want to admit it.
I finally broke free of my sexy prison of breasts and asses. I got dressed and slowly made my way out to the hall way and then into the living room. Rainbow Dash and Twilight were both on the couch talking to each other.
“Can you just drop it. It’s not a big deal.” Rainbow said.
“Not a big deal? You pretty much RAPED me! Do you know how that makes me feel? Even after what I’ve been through when I was being held prisoner by those...monsters, you STILL did this!.” Twilight replied back.
“Whatever, you liked it.” Rainbow said back, causing Twilight to blush.
“That isn’t the point. And you don’t KNOW if I liked it or not.” Twilight said back with a blush.
“Your face can’t hide a thing. I can see that you love it just by looking into your eyes. I have caught you sneaking peeks at me, even before we arrived here.” Rainbow Dash said, moving closer to Twilight. Rainbow Dash then started to kiss Twilight on the lips, using her hands to rub Twilight’s back. Twilight was surprised but didn’t try to break from the kiss. Goddamn it. This isn’t helping my mourning wood, well afternoon wood. Whatever, same thing.
“Hey, stop right there. Let me go get my camera. I’m sure Stewart would want this video taped.” I said.
“This isn’t what it looks like! I swear!” Twilight said. Yeah, that made her break the kiss.
“Wow Matt. Nice pants, did you buy them with that bulge.” Rainbow said.
“You sound jealous. We all know you want a dick. And yeah whatever. I don’t care about your sick love triangle. I hope Stewart approves.” I said walking into the kitchen, trying to find something to eat.
“Wait, you aren’t going to tell Stewart are you?” Rainbow asked. Sounding a bit worried worried.
“Why wouldn’t I? He is my friend isn’t he?” I asked getting a coke out of the fridge.
“You can’t tell him. I don’t know how he would react. I wouldn’t want this to ruin my friendship with him.” Twilight said.
“Sorry, but it’s the moral thing to do.” I said.
“White knight.” Rainbow Dash said.
“What did I tell you about getting on 4chan?” I asked.
“Fuck off, newfag.” Rainbow Dash said back.
“This still doesn’t change the fact that I’m telling Stewart. So bitch about it all you want.” I said.
“Tell me what?” Stewart asked. Sounding very sick. I figure he must be having one Hell of a hangover.
“Nothing! Nothing what so ever!” Rainbow Dash said, pretending to lean on me to keep me pinned against the counter.
“Yeah, we were just um. You know, discussing how sarcastic Matt is!” Twilight said as she put her hands over my mouth.
“Yeah he is oh so sarcastic! You just can’t tell when he is being serious you know?” Rainbow Dash said.
“Yeah. I really don’t know what the hell happened last night, nor what the fuck this is all about. But I’ll deal with it when my head doesn’t feel like it’s being crushed by a thousand boulders.” Stewart said, walking to my medicine cabinet to get some pain pills.
Stewart then got some water from the refrigerator and went back into my guest room. I heard the door close.
“Listen Matt. You aren’t going to tell him shit you hear me? YOU AREN’T GOING TO SAY SHIT UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR FUCKIN’ KNEE CAPS BROKEN!” Rainbow Dash said, with her face close to mine.
“Your breath still smells like vagina.” I said back.
“What she is trying to say is please keep this a secret, we won’t do anything else that you could consider.. lesbian.” Twilight said.
“Listen, I might trust you with that. But fuckin’ Tony Soprano over there, I don’t.” I said.
“If you just keep ya fuckin’ mouth shut, we won’t have a problem. You got it?” Rainbow said with a mobster voice.
“Am I going to have to take away your TV privileges?” I asked.
“Okay. Rainbow Dash. Do you promise not to do anything that one could consider... homosexual?” Twilight asked.
“I don’t know. Do you consider this homosexual?” Rainbow Dash asked, then pulled Twilight in for a kiss.
“Yeah, good job there priest. But I don’t think Rainbow will be praying the gay away anytime soon. I’m telling Stewart as soon as he gets up.” I said, taking my coke into the basement. I’m going to go downstairs, get a little drunk, and just hope today goes by smoothly. No gang members invading my house. No Rainbow Dash attempting to kill me. And no Twilight trying to take away my sexy time. If this all works out. I will still have my nuts by the end of today.
I mixed a drink of my fancy and decided to sit on the couch. I think if I should try to turn on some music, or just watch some basic cable. I settle for TV, and turn it to comedy central. Thank God we have Cox, and not Direct TV. Thirty minutes into whatever shit movie they are playing, Rainbow Dash comes down. Shit, I wish you well nuts.
“Hey Matt.” Rainbow Dash says, trying to sound sexy.
“I don’t see a bat, so I assume that you aren’t here to break my body. That’s a good sign.” I said.
“Listen, I don’t need a weapon to hurt you.” Rainbow Dash says.
“Oh yeah, what are you going to do? Punch me.” I say back.
She then fake punches at me. “Ah! Not the face!” I say shielding my face. Maybe I should be shielding something else. Damn, I don’t have a cone to protect me.
“Okay, you being a pussy aside. I’m here to talk you out of telling Stewart about me and Twilight's little relationship.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Relationship? How can you be in a relationship with her, and Stewart. That’s called cheating, and cheating is bad. Besides, aren’t you the fucking element of loyalty for fucks sake?” I asked.
“Listen, it’s more than that. I’ve always had feelings for Twilight. I’m hoping that maybe, JUST maybe Stewart will be okay with all three of us in a relationship. I mean you, Pinkie, and Fluttershy seem to happy together. Why can’t I have that?” Rainbow Dash asked sadly.
“I think you might have to worry more about Twilight have problems with it, rather than Stewart. I think Stewart would be happy at the prospect of a threesome, but Twilight doesn’t seem like she would be too into it.” I said.
“You don’t know the half of it. I’ll have to tell you some stories of what me and her have done with some stallions in the past.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Well that sounds interesting. But I’m still telling him.” I said.
“What if I gave you a blow job?” Rainbow asked.
“Yeah, that’s not fucking happening. I already have Pinkie, and Fluttershy for that. Besides, when did you turn into such a whore? Wait, dumb question.” I said.
*SMACK*
“Why do I always get hurt for stating the obvious?” I asked.
“Because I’m not a whore.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Yeah, you said the same thing about you not being a lesbian either, and look where we are now.” I said.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but giggle at that one a little. “I was only joking asshole. The plan was for you to say yes, and me to hold that against you if you decided to tell Stewart.” Rainbow Dash said. “I wasn’t even going to give you one, it was just a guilt trip anyway. Like I would put my mouth anywhere near your dick.” She said still giggling.
“Funny guy. You wouldn’t be laughing like that if we were actually going out. But us going out would mean that I find you moderately attractive.” I said. “And that is just a fucking joke in itself.”
“Insults coming from you just bounce right off me. You aren’t even that funny. I mean, look at this fan fic. You can’t write for shit.” She said with a smile.
“I thought only Pinkie and I are supposed to break the fourth wall. Come on, stay in character.” I said.
“Again, you wrote it.” Rainbow Dash said. “So are you still going to tell him?” She asked, getting closer to me, wearing a puppy dog frown. “I don’t want him to be mad at me.” She said.
“I’ll think about it. Bottom line is if you don’t, I will. Keep that in mind if you plan on taking your sweet time.” I said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You men are so easy. All I have to do is get close to you, and give you a puppy dog face, and you just melt in my hands. Such a softy.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Whatever. Just think what you would of got if I actually wanted a blow job.” I said.
“A horrible taste in my mouth, and a feeling of intense shame?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I always knew you swallowed.” I said.
Rainbow Dash stayed downstairs with me, and poured herself a drink and watched some TV with me. We didn’t talk much, mostly because I wasn’t feeling too talkative. Coming up with insults is difficult when drinking. Twilight appeared in front of the stairs.
“Stewart is up. Are you going to go talk to him?” Twilight asked Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah. Besides, Matt isn’t going to say anything. We came to an agreement.” Rainbow Dash said. “So I don’t have a problem with talking to him.” Rainbow Dash said.
I decided to tag along with them. Why not. After we reached the top of the stairs, and me having to restrain from staring at Rainbow Dash’s ass, we entered the kitchen. I sat my drink down on the counter top and saw Stewart sitting on the couch in the living room, holding his head. I guess he still doesn’t feel too good.
“You should probably eat something. It will make you feel better.” I said.
“Like I fucking feel like eating anything right now. I will probably just puke it up as soon as I eat it.” He said.
“Whatever. I forgot you are just the master of hangovers. I guess you just get them all the time. With you being such a heavy drinker.” I said
“Listen, I don’t fucking need your goddamn sarcasm feeling like this. Someone just tell me what happened last night.” Stewart said.
“Well first I took you down to the basement to get you drunk.” Rainbow Dash said. “We made out for awhile while Twilight got extremely horny from watching.”
“I did not. I was just embarrassed.” Twilight said.
“Whatever you say. You were wearing some pretty tight pants, I could see the-” Rainbow said.
“Yeah. We get it. I swear, Matt is starting to rub off on you.” Twilight said.
“So then we decided to do some other things that I won’t name because I would hate for Matt to picture it in his head. I like to keep thoughts of me being naked away from his mental images.” Rainbow said.
“Don’t flatter yourself gay pride.” I said.
“So that’s it? What happened after Matt took me to his guest room?” Stewart asked.
“Well you see. After I took you down I decided to go back to sleep. But I realized that I couldn’t leave the drinks down with the ponies. I would hate for them to drink themselves into a coma.” Twilight and Rainbow Dash were staring at me intently. Hoping I wouldn’t give away their little secret. “So when I came back downstairs I took away the drinks, and Pinkie, and Fluttershy came back upstairs with me. I think you can figure out the rest.” I said. I saw all the stress fade from Rainbow’s, and Twilight’s face.
“Also, somewhere in that story Rainbow Dash ate out Twilight. I hope you are proud. Also, this time I really want my fifty bucks.” I said.
“YOU FUCKING LIAR!” Rainbow Dash screamed. Twilight just hide her face from the shame.
“Wait, hold the fuck up! Before you beat the shit out of Matt. Did you seriously do that?” Stewart asked.
“Well you see I... I.. Um... Yeah... I kinda did.” She said, looking at the floor.
“And you did all of this without me. I feel left out.” Stewart said sadly.
“Hey man, threesomes aren’t that great.” I said.
“Really?” Stewart asked.
“Not, they are fucking awesome. Sucks to be you.” I said.
“I think you have helped enough Matt.” Twilight said. “Listen Stewart, I want you to know how sorry I am. I know I shouldn’t have let Rainbow Dash do that to me. I should have respected your relationship, and not allowed Rainbow Dash to do all the things she did. I hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship. Don’t you have something to say Rainbow?” Twilight asked.
“Matt is fucking dead after this is all over.” Rainbow said.
“Suck my dick. Not my fault you are a whore.” I replied.
“I meant, don’t you have something to say to Stewart.” Twilight said angrily.
“Yes... I’m... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did to Twilight. It’s just that I hope that we could have a relationship like Pinkie and Fluttershy do with Matt. It looks like so much fun. I really love Twilight too.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Sounds like fun to me.” Stewart said.
“Wait! I never agreed to this!” Twilight shouted.
“Sweet! We should get started soon!” Rainbow Dash yelled with excitement.
“Doesn’t look like you have a choice.” I said to Twilight.
“Okay, now back to what I was going to do.” Rainbow Dash said. She then proceeded to beat the shit out of me. Fuck, she hits like a man.
“Not the face! Not the face! Why don’t I have a cone?!” I asked.
“Hey best friends! What is happening.” Pinkie asked. Suddenly appearing from behind the couch.
“Rainbow Dash is just fucking up Matt. You know, the usual.” Stewart said, still holding his head.
“I like doing that too! Maybe I should help!” Pinkie said.
“I didn’t mean it like- Oh what the hell. Have fun.” Stewart said.
“Let’s see you rat me out now! Wait, Pinkie, why are you naked. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.?” Rainbow Dash gasped. “Oh, I see what you are getting at.”
“Help!” I screamed. “I’m being violated!”
“Yeah, I’ll leave Pinkie to that. Hey Stewart. Your head feeling any better?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“That depends on what you have in mind.” Stewart said.
“Oh nothing, just a threesome with Twilight.” She replied.
“In that case, I’m good as new.” Stewart said back.
“I still didn’t agree to this!” Twilight said.
Rainbow Dash dragged Twilight down the stairs with Stewart leading the way. Leaving me and Pinkie to our sex. I hope my dick still works after what Rainbow did.