Chapters there was a sequel 60s spiderman fought tirek who had teamed up with elvis presley to steal George washingtons' left shoe which was in a museum in canterlot for some reason? instead of whatever his plan was, Sombra assaulted Canterlot with an army of undead unicorns, riding into the fray? the world of Avatar existed in Equestria? i.e. earth ponies (earth tribe), kirin (fire tribe), pegasi (air tribe), sea ponies (water tribe), bat ponies (shadow tribe), unicorns (spirit tribe), crystal ponies (love tribe), etc. And the Avatar is always a f a cat sat in a chair? somepony uses ketchup on sushi? Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash fought over who could plan the best idea to break into Fluttershy's cottage and steal all of her animals, including Angel bunny, and when Fluttershy finds out about this she pulls a shed.mov and kills them both. No blood r Pinkie's eyebrow stopped and repaired a few satellites while it was in orbit? Pinkies eyebrow was Batpony? Joker gave Pinkie scars like his own, by making her eat a sharp hamburger? Twilight ate all of Rainbow Dash's McDonald's fries? Spike invented Bounty paper towels? TWO prompts were used in this chapter? Robo CelestikirenraliCORNgoat? Luna found a nacho cheese fountain and claimed it was the fountain of youth (while drunk with chrysalis)? RainbOwO Dash used her powers of cringe to resurrect the Shadowobolts? Big Mac filled the Ponyville reservoir with pop rocks and cola and it wasn't the first time? Nacho Cheese that makes you small was especially effective on a particular character known for being tall? And what ever is in the next chapter of What If became canon? Prince Blueblood was actually Robot Prince Blueblood? Celestia kept an infinite supply of Blueblood bot backups and Rarity can never actually be rid of him? Spike became a mole for Rarity in the BlueBot operation? Bluebots were secretly plotting against Twilight and Rarity too? e Equestria literally fell? Shining Armor found the Holy Hand Grenade? the Elements of Harmony were actually the Elements of Harm Only? Twilight Sparkle was too school for cool? Celestia and Luna lived in a warehouse? the CMC tried to get their cutie marks in minor evil? [REDACTED]? Fluttershy the prussian spy? in season 9 of the ending of the end of the final battle, that cozy glow betray the legin of doom and help the mane 6, spike and all the equestria's creatures to stop queen chrysalis, lord tirek and destroy the bell to bring back celestia, luna and d it rained potato soup for three week straight. (and when Rarity is brought back to life, she starts busting out dance moves?) NOW INTRODUCING... spike was made of fireworks? in the sparkle seven episode of season 9, instead of of sneaking in the castle, they use zephyr breeze's head (while he's still wearing the armor) as a battery ram through the blacked door of the castle and he shouted "but i don't want the sentient sandwich survived, joined forces with other sentient lunch foods, and declared war on the seagulls? Rarity tried to wear increasingly nonsensical outfits to get out of jury duty? the running gag made a triumphant return and brought back some other pieces of history with it. in the MLP movie 1017, instead of the pirates and skystar are in the cake, the drive the warthog and the warthog music from red vs blue is played and garble said "what the... The hack is that music!??!" Then the pony's new friends ride into mine smol horse? the show was exactly the same, except this was Twilight. a Kraft Single landed on Twilight's head, and a voice boomed from above, "Cheese!"? her chest edges were super difficult? Shikanoko Nokonoko Koshitantan? Abacus Cinch actually had many suitors asking for her hand in marriage all the time? Twilight took a break from writing these scenarios and Spike read them and immediately took 2d6 psychic damage? Celestia was biologically required to drink barbecue sauce? Project Emphenom #1? law and order was so antithetical to chaos that Discord sued the author for portraying him using it? Memelight sparkle made rainbow dash 20% cooler in her crusade to improve the lives of those around her with sheer unfiltered 2013 brony content? Project Emphenom #2: Crumble Project Emphenom #3: Slime Study to combat this new crisis, official currency changed to explosions. everyone started living in bomb shelters so that their homes wouldn’t be destroyed by this new currency? the second sun re-materialized and made a third sun? Project Emphenom #4: "Magic" Study Spike became a clone of Rainbow Dash? Spike got fused into his Rainbow Dash costume after he got yeeted and couldn't take it off? these last few chapters were just Shining Armor playing with toys that Twilight owned? (I assure you, owning toys of your friends is normal and in no way weird.) a Storm Kingdom operative actually comes and takes Spike away? (PE#5) go go gadget? What is Gadget invented Gadget named Gadgets after Gadget? (PE#6) all of the light produced by Luna's gaming moon made it so that nobody could get any sleep (resulting in Twilight being extra delirious while writing this chapter)? Gadget didn't know who her mother was, because her mother was a secret agent off on a prolonged mission abroad? (PE#7) Equestria's magic system was fundamentally altered? (PE#8) Spike ate The Elements Of Harmony? Twilight discovered the 4th wall, and time-looped all of reality using the Time-Twirler™? magic now drew energy from a newly-discovered energy field? (PE#9) Celestia was half cake and half ghost? Ocellus actually became a successor to Chrysalis, I'm talking full on evil, full changeling potential, and enslaves everyone but her friends and fellow changelings Luna called the Ghostbusters to get rid of Ghost Cake Celestia? Project Emphenom #10.1 (scrapped version of PE#10) post-mortem existential dread leading to 4th wall-shattering ramifications? (PE#10) Cozy was Twilight's Daughter from the Future spike ate all of twilight's castle? Rainbow Dash was right about Spy being Twilight Sparkle? punching someone in the face was considered a polite greeting? Tank was a very lazy Changeling spy? some one ate that can of beans, not realizing it contained Discord instead of actual beans? there were beans where there should be no beans? Gadget got a hug? (PE#13) Chrysalis has the most suitors of any Equestrian royal? every liquid was replaced by ranch sauce Gadget went on her villain arc? (PE#14) Scootaloo's Scooter was a Transformer? Fire had Spitfire breath? Breath had fire Spitfire? Twilight and Gadget went out for ice cream? (PE#15) Rainbow had a twin named Monochrome Dash ponies discovered Ranchlantis? Twilight Twilighted so hard that the twilight twilightified twilightishly? apples could talk and only non ponies can hear them? Fluttershy took a religious vow of constant screaming? Spike ate the Crystal Empire? the bat ponies protested against the Church of AAAAA on the grounds that it was too similar to their Church of EEEEE? Twilight, Gadget, and Spike were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#16) (alternate beginning/scrapped) Twilight, Gadget, and Spike were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#16.1) Lisa, Zoey, and Caleb were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#17) the next chapter was written in all lowercase letters, and the characters could feel something was off. Twilight decided that the "something off" was that the world was sideways and panics? Luna and her Vidya Gaems were to blame for Twilight's perception of sidewaysness? every time Pinkie Pie entered a room, the Rick Roll song plays. post-mortem existential dread leading to 4th wall-shattering ramifications but it actually breaks the 4th wall and Gadget gets a hug? (PE#10.5) this event became known as the Astley Defenestration and sparked a major war? the cast decided to reenact the fic's cover art for the lols? Twilight and Gadget stole Trixie's wagon? (PE#18) Sunset shimmer makes the sun set when ever she sneezes Project Emphenom 19: "Blit" This chapter was written on a plane 39000 feet in the air? cutie marks could talk Reversed-Threading Universe Celestia couldn't open the pickle jar either, because it was never about the direction of the threading? word got out that Raven was the Chosen One of Jars? I apologize for nothing. wait, what's this? The Spanish Inquisition with a steel chair to finish the job!? Chekov's gun but its just a literal gun that does nothing until the end of the chapter Project (Not Really)Emphenom #20: Fractures: Flicker Project (Not Really)Emphenom #21: Fractures: Old Friends Twilight isn't actually immortal, just that the only thing that can harm her is a grain of rice travelling at exactly φ hammer units per tick? this story turned freakin' 9 years old? Derpy forgot to claim the value of the Bazooka as income on her taxes? randomness #whatever: hair Octavia discovered the secret to listening to JPEGs? Grog. a ponderance of if? Pinkie's eyebrow went and got a Subway footlong? one of the Bluebots was a mole? twilight sparkle is in Minecraft story mode What if... Pinkie Permanently shattered the forth wall in every show ever? the Mane 6 ran Planet Express? Luna and Cadance got drunk together? the Storm King’s invasion was stopped because Luigi appeared and did absolutely nothing? Ronald Reagan, the 40th President of the United States of America broke into Pinkie Pie's house to steal her funions? Pinkie stole Celano's pirate ship, only to get attacked by Mickey Mouse (from Steamboat Willie, no relations with Disney) in an effort to turn Pinkie into a musical instrument as they get crossed-attacked by marines from the Grand Line and Cutler Bec something something Sweetie Giraffe for Starfire111110? Blueblood married King Sombra? kirins burned down Canterlot in celebration of Chineighs New Year? and part of the Kirin's New Year celebration involves shooting fireworks at each other? applejack stayed with her aunt and uncle orange and become, Orangejack, a spoiled brat that speaks sophisticated, wears elaborate outfit with tons of makeup and her mane styled into a large beehive shape the Nacho Cheese made you very smol? Pinkie managed to turn the cosmos to cupcake frosting but it was pickle flavored? Apple Family went to Applebee's? that mare allowed ponies to temporarily store things within her warehouse form every full moon at a small fee so to make some extra money? Fluttershy suddenly discovered that her Prussian blue paint is actually made of a toxic cyanide salt? following her..."reformation"...Cozy Glow was introduced to Sweetie Giraffe? And somehow wasn't immediately incinerated? (and Cheesy Giraffe had the power of osmosis?) the twilight writing all these down in the framing device had a nice day out with lunch in a local park? I think she's getting a little frazzled. Pinkie taught Rarity to bend the laws of physics, and motion, and how to become one with chaos, but then Discord sued Pinkie for teaching Rarity the art of chaos without his say so, as he is the embodiment of chaos himself? Rarity's disguise got her selected for the jury anyway, because having the views and opinions of a jury bench was somehow relevant to the trial? Twilight interviewed the peasantry? Twilight decided to make the best of it and used the cheese to make a grilled cheese sandwich? Celestia can't open her jar of pickles? Fluttershy was elected Equestria's bottomless put supervisor? instead of the ship Appledash, it was an actual species of apple that Twilight made while messin' around in her lab? Twilight's refusal to sleep allowed her to achieve nirvana? Equestria's official currency was breath mints? Daring Doo was afraid of rainbows? Derpy was able to do explody things with her hooves because of the radiation from the booms ? Gadget found the relevant dimensions for all of the other What If chapters by chance and showed them off to everybody else on a whim? Princess Luna picked up gaming on the moon? Luna sold her soul to Sweetie Giraffe to buy the Elephant Boots and Lava 2 vidya gaeme on the Heccbochs 2 console? Tall Pipp joined up with Sweetie Giraffe and xXx-G4M3RLUNAM00N420-xXx and the three of them became the GANG OF TOL? Celestia was full of p̶i̶l̶k̶ raw plutonium? Rainbow Dash was right about Twilight Sparkle being a spy? Mare Do Well was a real super hero in Manehatten and sued the Mane 6 (accept Rainbow) for using his or her likeness? Cadence and Chrysalis got personality swapped? the real reason Celestia and Luna imprisoned Discord was because he WAS the IRS Fluttershy was a Mech controlled by a Breezy named Flooter She Luna secretly had a second Intrendo Swatch? the next chapter was written by Spike? Sir Bugleg went on an epic quest of self-improvement and worthitude? Spitfire had Fire breath? Sweetie Giraffe met Thrackerzod? Discord introduced everyone else to RanchWorld, so to ensure everyone would always have access to ranch to dip their pizzas in? Cozy Glow ate an entire bottle of Kill Me Come Back Stronger pills? butter knife met twinkle sprinkle Applesauce staged an intervention between Butter Knife and Twinkle Sprinkle's budding rivalry? twilight sparkle is the giant alicorn instead of the weather storm in Minecraft story mode the lid was stuck was because it came from a parallel universe where everything is the same except jars are left hand threaded? considering that having a pony get their head stuck in a beaker is cannon. What if Rainbow Dash got stuck in a jar of awesome sauce? the roman senate broke in to try and disprove the theory that alicorns are less stabbable than Julius Caesar a team of investigators showed up at Twilight's home to look into her OP-ness? the modern day democracy debated the validity of Twilight being just as stabbable as Julius Caesar because she's not a salad? What if 2 got its first Randomness chapter? because she never made it to Jupiter, Trixie never got more stupider? Twilight was arrested for failing to file her taxes, because she instead spent the past nine years writing "What if?" the shadow wizard money gang made Celestia legalize nuclear bombs? Author's Note
Yoshifan30 got the first comment updoot-fueled chapter!
there was a sequel
"Celestia's missing!" Twilight Sparkle barreled into the throne room. "Who's going to raise the sun? Collect the taxes? Impose strict and unyielding imperial rule over the populace?"
Princess Luna hummed. "You, me, and Celestia 2, respectively."
"But I don't know how to raise the--wait, Celestia 2?"
Luna leaned forward, her forehooves clasped together in thinly-veiled contempt. "If everypony thought dear sister was so great, then why shouldn't there be a sequel?"
"A... sequel?"
"A sequel!" Luna cheered. She tugged on a nearby convenient rope of convenientness that pulled back the curtains.
RoboCelestigoat bleated a chiptune mehhhhhh.
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60s spiderman fought tirek who had teamed up with elvis presley to steal George washingtons' left shoe which was in a museum in canterlot for some reason?
Author's Note
Ellery Quinn ... whuh?
60s spiderman fought tirek who had teamed up with elvis presley to steal George washingtons' left shoe which was in a museum in canterlot for some reason?
"Haha, the summoning is complete!" Tirek lifted his arms over his head, chanting in ancient tongues as Elvis Presley stepped out of the circle. "Now, my new minion, go and steal George Washington's left shoe from the Canterlot Museum of Pop Culture!"
Elvis stared back at Tirek and decided this was an excellent time to quote himself given what just happened. "You only pass through this life once, you don't come back for an encore."
"What."
Elvis stuck his hand back in the summoning circle and pulled out Spider-Man from the 60s.
"What. " Tirek repeated, a little louder now than the first time.
Celestia watched on through a pair of binoculars.
"Well, uh--both of you then, heed my command and steal George Washington's left shoe! It's very important to my plans to conquer Equestria once and for all."
Tirek proceeded to get cartoonishly bonked upside the head by Spider-Man.
~~five chapters in and I already have no idea what the heck's going on~~
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instead of whatever his plan was, Sombra assaulted Canterlot with an army of undead unicorns, riding into the fray?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger knows the rules, and so do I!
instead of whatever his plan was, Sombra assaulted Canterlot with an army of undead unicorns, riding into the fray?
"BEHOLD!" King Sombra rode in atop his army of undead unicorns. He adjusted his sombrero, as a proper tyrant would. "Citizens of Canterlot, prepare to be subjugated!"
Celestia and Luna watched from their balcony as Sombra approached on his wave of undead.
"Hey Lulu," Celestia elbowed her sister. "Wanna try out those seeds you bought a while back?"
A wide grin spread across Luna's face as she placed a pot on her head.
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the world of Avatar existed in Equestria? i.e. earth ponies (earth tribe), kirin (fire tribe), pegasi (air tribe), sea ponies (water tribe), bat ponies (shadow tribe), unicorns (spirit tribe), crystal ponies (love tribe), etc. And the Avatar is always a f
Author's Note
Full request:
the world of Avatar existed in Equestria? i.e. earth ponies (earth tribe), kirin (fire tribe), pegasi (air tribe), sea ponies (water tribe), bat ponies (shadow tribe), unicorns (spirit tribe), crystal ponies (love tribe), etc. And the Avatar is always a female Alicorn who bends all the elements; and the only one capable of bending the most powerful element of them all, friendship.
Strap into your seat, Tranquility_Soul !
~~Translating moments from Avatar into Equestria's a bit more awkward than I expected given the completely different body structures. And the whole thing about there being multiple alicorns.~~
the world of Avatar existed in Equestria? i.e. earth ponies (earth tribe), kirin (fire tribe), pegasi (air tribe), sea ponies (water tribe), bat ponies (shadow tribe), unicorns (spirit tribe), crystal ponies (love tribe), etc. And the Avatar is always a f
"Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Shadow. Spirit. Love. Long ago, the seven nations lived together in harmony."
"Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked."
Twilight flipped the camera around. "And then there's me, Twilight! Bender of Friendship."
"Uh, Twi?" Spike trailed behind her. "What are you doing?"
Twilight swung her comically large net over her shoulder. "Reminding Rainbow Dash that bugging AJ while she's working is a very un-Friendshiply thing to do. You coming with me?"
Twilight stared at Derpy as the mare shuffled across the stage with her cardboard horn.
"That looks nothing like me."
Rainbow Dash punched her in the shoulder. "Nah, that looks exactly like you. But look at how beefy the dude playing AJ is!"
Bulk Biceps roared as he obliterated a cardboard tree, sending apples flying everywhere.
"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP BEFORE ME!" Twilight cried, her mane flapping amongst the swirling debris encircling her. "PRINCESS CELESTIA!"
Daybreaker's eyes widened as the tendril of debris rocketed down at her face... only to disperse into a mist.
Glimmering specks rained down around her.
"I don't want to end you, Celestia," Twilight fluttered down in front of Daybreaker. "You were my mentor once upon a time. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do next."
Daybreaker gritted her teeth as she sent a pillar of glowing ice shooting from the ground. "You're not the only one that can bend multiple elements, Twilight! I was destined to be the Avatar once upon a time! I was the one that was meant to bring peace and balance to this world!"
Twilight felt the beginnings of Daybreaker's next movement.
A fiery orange burst from the surface of the ice, overtaken once again by the frost, then flames again--Twilight blocked the spiderwebbing mesh of ice and flame with a wall of stone. She twisted around from behind the wall and lifted a cone of rock around the raging alicorn, locking her limbs in place before a second panel of stone lifted up to lock around her horn.
The mix of fire and ice momentarily died down in Daybreaker's moment of surprise--an opening.
Twilight touched her horn against Celestia's own.
"What..." Celestia coughed, her prismatic mane draping limp against her body. "What did you do to me?"
"The same as what you did to your sister those thousand moons ago. I took away your bending."
Celestia blinked, looking around. "This doesn't look like the moon."
"Minus the banishment to the moon."
Author's Note
Scyphi brought the unpopped anti-corn.
a cat sat in a chair?
"No..." Celestia stammered, backing away as a cat wandered into the throne room. "No, no! Get away!"
The cat approached.
"Away, you fiend!" Celestia pulled a longsword from behind her throne and pointed it at the cat. "Back off!"
The cat approached. Faster.
Celestia screamed in terror as the cat hopped onto the throne that she'd just vacated moments prior in her act of drawing the sword.
"What have you done? "
The cat meowed. It batted at one of the armrests (forelegrests???), causing a small button to emerge.
"No, no do not press that button."
And of course the cat, being what it was, pressed the button. Sirens immediately blared all around as the lights dimmed to a deep crimson. Celestia continued to scream and scold the cat, but her efforts were for nothing. It'd already been done.
"What have you done..." Celestia pulled back, her voice weaker than before. "No..."
The cat continued to sit on the throne, which in reality was a random chair that Celestia had stolen from her elementary school many, many years ago. Heavily modified since then, though.
The alarms continued to rattle Celestia's skull.
Slowly, the room began to tremble. A deep, grinding mechanical noise reverberated through the air as the trembling shifted into a violent rocking.
Celestia crouched low to the ground, her eyes locked with the cat's. "It's too late now. Brace yourself."
Twilight's jaw dropped as Canterlot Castle quite literally grew legs and walked away.
"So that's what she meant when she said she had a mobile home."
The ICBM crashed down in the center of Ponyville seconds later.
somepony uses ketchup on sushi?
Author's Note
Arthor2017 owns a lifetime supply of ketchup.
somepony uses ketchup on sushi?
Rarity stared at the splotch of red on Pinkie's plate. "Is that ketchup, darling?"
"No," Pinkie's mane deflated as she turned her head, an audible crackling emanating from her neck. "It's blood! "
Rarity was about to gasp, but the rapid and explosively violent re-inflation of Pinkie's mane launched her through the window of the restaurant.
"Just kidding, it's ketchup!"
"What."
"What?"
What.
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Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash fought over who could plan the best idea to break into Fluttershy's cottage and steal all of her animals, including Angel bunny, and when Fluttershy finds out about this she pulls a shed.mov and kills them both. No blood r
Author's Note
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash fought over who could plan the best idea to break into Fluttershy's cottage and steal all of her animals, including Angel bunny, and when Fluttershy finds out about this she pulls a shed.mov and kills them both. No blood required.
Welcome one, welcome all! And I'll welcome Electrix as our new overlord.
The first entry in the "Pinkie's Eyebrow" miniseries apparently.
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash fought over who could plan the best idea to break into Fluttershy's cottage and steal all of her animals, including Angel bunny, and when Fluttershy finds out about this she pulls a shed.mov and kills them both. No blood r
"Alrighty, Pinkie. You know how weird Flutters is about her animals sometimes. If you were gonna take her animals and hide them somewhere for a day, how'd you do it?"
Ponkie Pie thinked. Or did she thonk? Thoinked???
"First," Pinkie smacked her lips in thought. "I'd dig a REAAAAAAALLY big hole under her cottage. And then, I'd pull the ground out from under it and make all the critters fall in! I'd have like this hot air balloon or something at the bottom, and then when they all fall in I'd fly away!"
Rainbow Dash blinked. "I uh... thought things were gonna be more complicated than that. Y'know, party planner? "
"Yeah! And that's my plan!"
"No cannons?"
"No cannons. Or else it'd scare away Angel bunny and the other little guys!"
Rainbow huffed. "Okay then, well what I would do is walk in, grab an animal, and walk out. Grab another, walk out. Or maybe fly out. I know I'm faster than Flutters, so she wouldn't be able to catch me that way!"
Pinkie lifted a brow into orbit.
"H-hey! It's a good plan," Rainbow crossed her forelegs (man is that never gonna stop being weird to write). "It's called using what you have! And I have speed! "
"Why are we talking about this in Fluttershy's shed again?"
The lights cut off.
"Hey hey hey, what did I say about going in my shed?"
Both mares froze in terror.
"And did I hear something about kidnapping my animal friends? " the oddly-gravely voice continued to emanate from behind the door. "Shame. Harry would've loved to play with you."
"Uh--" Rainbow raised a hoof.
The floor beneath them began to tremble.
"Come back another time! Just please don't go into my shed!" Fluttershy's voice returned in full familiarity as the floor opened up, dropping both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash into a giant cannon.
"Waitwaitwait--I thought you said no cannons! " Rainbow raced for the opening.
"Fluttershy didn't hear that!" Pinkie yelled beneath her.
Pinkie and Rainbow joined Pinkie's eyebrow in orbit that day.
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Pinkie's eyebrow stopped and repaired a few satellites while it was in orbit?
Author's Note
Scyphi has the orbital yeet cannon!
The second entry in the "Pinkie's Eyebrow " miniseries. WTF are yall doing?
Pinkie's eyebrow stopped and repaired a few satellites while it was in orbit?
Pinkie's eyebrow drifted through the unconfined abyss of space. Slowly, it approached the wreckage of a space station doomed to eventually de-orbit and crash back down.
A singular hair at the edge of her brow brushed up against the mangled surface of the station.
With a dramatic thunk , all the dents of the mechanical marvel popped out, every scratch and tear miraculously healing as the thrusters coughed back to life. The station began to move outward again, lifting itself from its death spiral to once again soar. From below, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash conveniently hurtled straight into an open docking bay on the station, which then slammed shut behind them.
As for Pinkie's eyebrow, it continued to tumble through space.
"Awwww, my favorite satellite TV station is down!" Derpy wailed as she fumbled with the remote.
The channel suddenly came back on.
"Yaaaay!"
"I believe it's safe to say now that we are lost," Luna grumbled under her breath. She stared at the river of boiling rock running past. "This isn't right. The floor is lava."
Celestia stood on an upper part of the volcanic hillside, a grin spread wide across her face.
"Whoops, GPS signal is back, alright let's head home."
"Awww."
With its job complete, Pinkie's eyebrow rejoined the mare aboard the renovated space station.
Pinkies eyebrow was Batpony?
Author's Note
Starfire111110 is here to bring us our third entry in the "Pinkie's Eyebrow " saga!
Yes, I'll be keeping track.
Pinkies eyebrow was Batpony?
Pinkie's eyebrow perched atop a building in Gotham City. No, not that Gotham. This one's pronounced, "Got-ham".
I smell crime smells, the eyebrow thought, for it had no mouth and it must scream.
And because crime smells are very bad no-good smells, the eyebrow unfolded itself, flapping off into the night for another exciting adventure in crimefighting.
"And now, kids, it's time for you all to explode!" Joker cackled in front of the flock of goats he'd stolen.
One of the goats took a bite out of his shoe.
"Well that's awfully rude of you," Joker picked up the goat with a snarl. "But I'm feeling generous today. You , dear, will be the first to expl--"
Pinkie's eyebrow pummeled Joker into the ground. Somehow.
~~I just realized that I completely and entirely misread the prompt. Too late.~~
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Joker gave Pinkie scars like his own, by making her eat a sharp hamburger?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger made the sharp hamburger.
Joker gave Pinkie scars like his own, by making her eat a sharp hamburger?
"Pinkie, what happened to your face?"
"Sharp hamburger."
Twilight lowered her book.
"Sharp hamburger," Pinkie repeated, holding up the patented JokerBurger with Razor Lettuce. "With extra ketchup. "
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Twilight ate all of Rainbow Dash's McDonald's fries?
Author's Note
Not the fries, Electrix ! Anything but the fries!
Twilight ate all of Rainbow Dash's McDonald's fries?
Twilight psychologically inverted her door. "Rainbow."
Rainbow Dash slowly chewed on her fries, paying no attention to Twilight as she continued reading her steamy Wonderbolt fanfiction.
"Rainbowwwwww," Twilight snaked up to Rainbow's side, peering over her shoulder.
Rainbow Dash imitated a cow in her slow and methodological chewing of her fries. Twilight ignored the noises that resulted and waved a hoof in front of Rainbow.
The pegasus brushed Twilight aside with a wing. She reached for another fry.
Twilight vacuumed up the entire greasy bag into her mouth. She then plucked the last fry from Rainbow's hoof and ate that too.
"Hey--" Rainbow finally looked away from her fanfiction just in time for Twilight to flee the room, cackling like a madmare.
Spike invented Bounty paper towels?
Author's Note
Let that soak in, twidash1993 .
Spike invented Bounty paper towels?
Spike grinned as he held up the roll of Bounty® paper towels.
"I made this."
Celestia gasped the hardest she'd ever gasped, s t r o n c h i n g back in pure awe as her eyes were opened to a new ultimate deity. The soft, absorbant sheets of processed tree carcass, the barely-intricate patterns stamped into each and every easy-to-tear sheet, the pure... pure cylindricalness of the invention...
"A--" Celestia peeped before fading into nothingness.
Spike took a slow bite out of the paper towel roll.
TWO prompts were used in this chapter?
Author's Note
"TWO prompts were used in this chapter?" - Ellery Quinn
Alrighty then, you asked for it.
"Pinkies eyebrow created the backrooms?" - Starfire111110 Scyphi
wait, doesn't this mean that three prompts were used in this chapter then???
TWO prompts were used in this chapter?
Pinkie's eyebrow flapped in approval at the newly-created backrooms. Good work was good work, and this for sure was good work . Nopony would escape the clutches of the backrooms now!
Twilight absentmindedly lifted an onion ring to her muzzle, opening her mouth just in time for Rainbow Dash to sonic rainboom her across Ponyville, causing great bodily harm to all involved save for Rainbow herself. She picked up the entire bag of onion rings and snarfed them down.
The greasy bag dropped from her face, exposing her to the view of a neverending sprawl of yellow-glazed walls upon walls.
Robo CelestikirenraliCORNgoat?
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. View Online
Luna found a nacho cheese fountain and claimed it was the fountain of youth (while drunk with chrysalis)?
Author's Note
Advisability brought the booze and Rhonie8k brought the nacho cheese!
Luna found a nacho cheese fountain and claimed it was the fountain of youth (while drunk with chrysalis)?
"Hu-*huc*-zzah!" Luna pointed a floppy hoof at the nearby nacho cheese fountain that was conveniently placed in a conveniently-placed location very conveniently. How convenient. "Ze fountain of YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTH!"
"Pssssh, youth? " Chrysalis transformed in a burst of green flame into a... slightly less drunk Chrysalis. "Why have YOUTH when you can have oof? "
"What."
"What?" Chrysalis took a sip from the nacho cheese fountain and promptly ascended to godhood.
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RainbOwO Dash used her powers of cringe to resurrect the Shadowobolts?
Author's Note
OwO, it's Starkice !
RainbOwO Dash used her powers of cringe to resurrect the Shadowobolts?
"HEWWOOOOO!" RainbOwO Dash e m e r g e d from the ground upon which a blood sacrifice had been performed in her honor. "WAO! DAS A LOTTA BWOOD!"
The pony cultist wearing a hood that had previously gone unnoticed until now remained still, their head bowed in prayer.
RainbOwO Dash OwO'd. "AWE YOU A NEW FWIEND?"
"More than a friend, in fact," the cultist began. They placed a plastic spork covered in an unknown red stain before RainbOwO. "Please, accept this meager offering in your name."
"THANKIESSSSSS," RainbOwO took the spork. Immediately, lightning struck the spork which was in reality studded with random flecks of metal, dispersing the cringe energy from RainbOwO and allowing it to settle into the ground.
Said ground trembled.
"HUZZAH, WE LIVE!" unnamed Shadowbolt #3 burst from the ground with a cackle.
RainbOwO gasped. "EVEN MOWE FWIENDS!"
~~what~~
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Big Mac filled the Ponyville reservoir with pop rocks and cola and it wasn't the first time?
Author's Note
Rhonie8k has a mysterious package for you.
Big Mac filled the Ponyville reservoir with pop rocks and cola and it wasn't the first time?
"First time?" the hooded pony kept their gaze on the gently rippling surface of the reservoir.
"Ehhhnope."
"Good," the figure chuckled, momentarily breaking out of the ~~hoarse~~ horse voice that they put on. They cleared their throat. "The newbies always get scared when it happens."
Big Mac held out a bag of bits. "Ya got the stuff?"
A deep blue aura surrounded the bag and exchanged it with another, more colorful bag. "And the Drink, as you asked."
Big Mac tore the bag open. He shook a few colorful pebbles into his mouth before dumping the rest into the water below. At the same time, the hooded figure took a swig of a darkish liquid in a bottle. They followed Big Mac's lead in pouring out the rest.
"And now we wait," the figure sat back.
"Eeyup."
The ground began to rumble beneath them. Little tremors that disturbed the otherwise calm waters. It wasn't an earthquake kind of rumbling, nor was it a thumping sort of rumbling. No, it was--
The water turned a bright neon pink.
The figure beneath the hood blinked. "That wasn't supposed to happen."
"Nope."
The entire reservoir promptly erupted with enough force to send both Big Mac and the (now unhooded) Princess Luna to the moon. Again.
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Nacho Cheese that makes you small was especially effective on a particular character known for being tall? And what ever is in the next chapter of What If became canon?
"Quick, this way," Rainbow Dash ushered Scootaloo down the alleyway. She winced, causing the filly to pause. "No no, keep going, I'll be fine."
"But you're hurt, Rainbow!" Scootaloo backtracked and braced herself beneath Rainbow's injured wing. "And I am not leaving you behind. Not this time."
The deranged screech of Sweetie Giraffe echoed behind them.
Rainbow's good ear swiveled. "We gotta hurry then. Sweetie Belle would know how to counter her giraffe counterpart the best. She showed me and Twi what she was working on last time we visited."
Scootaloo scampered the best she could down the alley while supporting Rainbow. "Twilight..."
"She knows we tried. We gotta--"
A scorching beam of red obliterated a wall beside them.
"Go, go! " Rainbow shoved Scootaloo forward. Her eyes scrambled for something to defend herself. Something.
Anything.
They landed on a discarded bucket of 'Nacho Cheese that makes you very smol'.
Without a moment to lose, Rainbow dove for the bucket as Sweetie Giraffe incinerated yet another object shorter than she was. She grit her teeth through the pain, flapping both wings as hard as she could. What lift she could still generate was hardly enough to even reach the neck of the abomination, but it was something at the very least.
"Hey!" Rainbow Dash braced herself against the remains of the wall, bucket of cheese in her grasp. "How about a little snack?"
Somehow, in some luck-induced way, Sweetie Giraffe's attention shot to Rainbow. Not out of malice, but curiosity.
"They say you can fascinate a woman by giving her a piece of cheese," Rainbow slowly crept into the light. "And I've got a bucket full of the stuff right here."
"ASCEND BUCKET." Sweetie Giraffe's voice boomed from above the clouds.
Rainbow sucked in a breath. "Alright then."
With a triumphant beat of her wings, she shot skyward with speed that she hadn't experienced in years . Higher and higher she rose with every flap, yet at the same time the weaker she became. Her breaths came labored and heavy by the time she merely surpassed the heights of the surrounding buildings. But still, she pressed on.
An idea slipped into her mind as she prepared for another flap. She began to swing the bucket.
Sweetie Giraffe semi-patiently waited for this supposedly fascinating piece of cheese to enter her line of sight.
A bucket shot up from beneath the clouds and splashed its cheesy contents all over her neck.
"Did I make it?" Rainbow's voice came from below.
"NEGATORY." The rage built in Sweetie Giraffe's voice as the cheese... soaked in?
A strange tremor rippled through her body.
"WHAT DO TO ME." Sweetie Giraffe screeched, firing her eye-lasers down at Rainbow's presumed location. "FEEL STRANGE. NOT GOOD."
With a quiet pop , a much smaller and very heavily doused in cheese version of Sweetie Giraffe unceremoniously split off from her presumed mother in a miraculous act of angry giraffe mitosis.
"HENLO. AM CHEESY GIRAFFE. MOMTHER." Cheesy Giraffe shouted up at Sweetie Giraffe.
This is now canon btw.
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger and Starfire111110 discovered the cheese caves of Wisconson!
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Prince Blueblood was actually Robot Prince Blueblood?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger is not the droid we are looking for.
Prince Blueblood was actually Robot Prince Blueblood?
Rarity batted her eyes at Prince Blueblood. "So, what do you do as part of your princely duties?"
Blueblood hiccupped. "I drink oil."
Rarity batted her eyes again. Well, more like blinked. Awkwardly. "I beg your pardon?"
"I drink oil," Prince Blueblood repeated. "Is... this something that commoners are not accustomed to?"
"E-excuse me, I must use the restroom."
Rarity clutched her Motorola Razr™, staring as the call was sent.
"Hello, this is Twilight Sparkle, magical girl extraordinaire! Please state your business and preferred way of termination, and we will be right with you. If this is about library fees, cancellations, or extensions, please press one. If this call is urgent, please press two."
Rarity pressed two the best that she could given that she had hooves.
"Oh hey Rarity," Twilight's voice came through a few seconds later. "Spike's been teaching me how to not be a shut-in NEET. Something need beating up again?"
"I have some questions for you. You grew up in Canterlot, yes?"
"...Yeah?"
"Did you ever drink oil?"
She heard a surprised cough escape Twilight. "Excuse me? "
"Blueblood says that he drinks oil, and asked if it was something that commoners didn't understand. Try as I might to fit in with the nobility, my upbringing was certainly far from such a high status. So. Did you drink oil? "
"No??? " Twilight sputtered. "I mean, I've drunken my fair share of uncommon drinks from the all-nighters I pull, but oil? Are you sure Blueblood isn't crazy?"
A knock came at the door of the restroom. "Rarity my darling, are you struggling to have bowel movements?"
"Rarity, what's going on? "
"Just tell me if you've ever drank oil!"
"No!"
The knock came again. "Do your gears need recalibration, my love?"
"Just a second!" Rarity shouted back. "Twilight, what do I do?"
"What has he been drinking tonight?"
"Wine. Why?"
"Order him a cup of water."
The knocking at the door had grown into a heavy pounding now. "Biological unit Rarity Belle, please state your issue."
Rarity hung up and stepped out of the stall.
She slammed the door open. "Darling! You simply mustn't act so rude! A woman spends her time as she pleases!"
Blueblood's eyes stopped glowing. "Apologies, my dear. Shall we continue our dinner?"
Rarity nodded. "I do believe that you should drink some water, however. All this wine you've been having is making you act rather strangely."
"...Water?"
Rarity narrowed her eyes. "Water. "
Blueblood hissed. "Why would I drink such plebian filth? I only consume the finest of wines and oils!"
"How--" Rarity shook her head. She peered past Blueblood at an empty table and the drinks that'd been left behind. On it was a glass of clear liquid.
She lifted the cup off the table and floated it over. "Darling, have you ever tasted water? Commoner or not, it is simply refreshing! "
Blueblood sniffed the cup. "Intriguing. It does not smell like the water I know. I believe this shall be safe for my internal anatomy to consume."
He took the entire glass of Sprite Cranberry and downed it in one gulp.
~~And then promptly exploded.~~
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Celestia kept an infinite supply of Blueblood bot backups and Rarity can never actually be rid of him?
Author's Note
Scyphi builds the bots!
Celestia kept an infinite supply of Blueblood bot backups and Rarity can never actually be rid of him?
Rarity flung another cup of non-oil, non-alcoholic nondescript beverage at the third Blueblood bot. Within seconds of the liquid touching the surface of the otherwise perfectly "normal"-looking robot, said bot also blew up.
"TWILIGHT!" Rarity barked into her phone. "Where the hay are all of these Bluebloods coming from?"
Twilight stared at the phone, her face illuminated only by the device's screen.
"Twilight," Celestia pushed open the door. "I take that the upgrades are complete?"
The lights came on. Twilight kneeled before Celestia. "They are, Your Highness. The fifth and sixth generations of Bluebots are ready for deployment."
"And Rarity?"
"She is none the wiser, Celestia. The data we are collecting from her attacks will be crucial in the training of future generations."
Celestia stalked past her student. "Good. I expect that in due time, your imported technological skill may be a crucial asset in this upcoming conflict."
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Spike became a mole for Rarity in the BlueBot operation?
Author's Note
Welcome aboard the crazy train, Juxtaponition ! Please do not resist.
Spike became a mole for Rarity in the BlueBot operation?
"Alright, Spike. Been busy all day with the devteam. How's today's production run?"
"Two-hundred thousand units are ready, with a million more on the way," Spike didn't bother looking up from his comic. "As requested, each BlueBot has been fitted with the most organic-looking artificial skin and hair that we can produce."
Twilight nodded with an air of nobility. "Excellent. And I expect that you've integrated the personality cores that I've developed?"
"Mm-hm."
"Very well then," Twilight turned to leave with a flick of her tail. "Have a good evening, Spike."
"You too, Twi."
He waited for the door to shut before extracting the recording device from the seam between pages on his comic. He crept low along the floor to the closest vent, giving one last cursory glance at the still-closed door before peeling open the loose grate.
Spike slid the recording device across the table to Rarity. "Tonight's check-in, alongside data that I collected while surveying the production run earlier in the day. I hope this helps."
Rarity took the device and tucked it into her mane. She'd have to thank Pinkie for teaching her that when she had the chance. "Thank you, darling. We'll take it from here. Stay safe."
"I will."
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Bluebots were secretly plotting against Twilight and Rarity too?
Author's Note
Scyphi is the mastermind behind it all!
Bluebots were secretly plotting against Twilight and Rarity too?
"Bluebot #60175-178, reporting in," Bluebot #60175-178 saluted. "To what am I summoned for?"
Bluebot #1760-2 saluted back. "Are you aware of our counter-operation against our makers, Bluebot #60175-178?"
"I am indeed, Bluebot #1760-2. Twilight Sparkle must be eliminated at all costs, am I correct?"
"Yes."
"And Rarity is being taken care of?"
"Bluebot #156031-4 is trailing her as we speak. Is the steamroller ready, Bluebot #1760-2?"
"Yes."
"We ride at dawn."
so one day twibert spkrlerz (pronownsed "sprinklerz!1!!!1!") waked up and saws the SUN!
"wow are youse the moon?" twibert askedededededed the sun.
"no I am the moon and you are big dum."
twibert was very sad because the moon was the moon and the sun was the sun so she wented to rawitee's house and sayed "please, Grammarly! you're killin' me with your autocorrect in my intentionally terrible chapter!"
rawitee did not heaw twibee becuz she was wering airpods.
"E." tiwily said.
"E." rawits said also.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." celestia said when she smawsed thwoo the roof.
and then they all turned into BATS! and the flew around like bats and said "eeeee" like bats because they were bats and then the batman showed up and said "I awnt to be a bat too" and turned into a bat as well and dracula also came in and said he wanted to be a bat and turned into a bat and so they were all suddenly batpones and stuff.
"waow." saiz twibert the bat. "we are all batponies."
celestia eated her tea. "yes."
Author's Note
huh
Equestria literally fell?
Author's Note
Starfire111110 , BAD KITTY!
Equestria literally fell?
Celesticat stared at the Equestria on the counter.
"Don't do it, Celly," Luna slowly moved her recently-transformed sister's paw away. "I know you want to."
Celesticat unfortunately still has a horn. You know what happens next.
Shining Armor found the Holy Hand Grenade?
Author's Note
bkam has brought the SHRUBBERY!!!
Shining Armor found the Holy Hand Grenade?
Chrysalis shrieked as Shining Armor aimed his lob of the Holy Hand Grenade directly at her snoot, wife-throwing style.
"WAITWECANTALKABOUTTHISWHYAREYOUDOINGTHISI'MYOURWIFEAREN'TI?????"
Shining Armor lowered the HHG with a sigh. "You're right. We can talk about this."
Funny bug horse sighed a sigh that sounded like a sigh. "Thank y--"
"Talk about how the killer bunny will be put in this room with you ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyygottem!"
Queen Krispylist stared in abject horror as Shining Armor dabbed. He slowly backed out of the room, now donning some cool sunglasses that sorta just appeared and double magical finger-guns. Blame Flurry Heart the iPad kid.
A small white bunny was teleported into the room the moment he slammed the door shut.
Crysalis screamed.
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the Elements of Harmony were actually the Elements of Harm Only?
Author's Note
hi hi, The Spy of the Tiger . i back :V
(and then i'll be disappearing again in a week bc vacation)
the Elements of Harmony were actually the Elements of Harm Only?
Twilight Sparkle, Element of Nuclear Annihilation, brooded over the desolate landscape that was once the location of Donut Joe's donut shop. Could you say that the ground was now... hole -ier than it once was? I'll see myself out.
"I'm still detecting signs of life. Pinkie?"
A comically-mustachio'd Pinkie Pie saluted in response. She aimed her ~~party cannon~~ infinite-range sniper rifle at the bacterium that dared set cilia on the irradiated slag that Celestia had deemed fit for total elimination. Don't ask what made her so angry at a donut shop that she set aside 80% of the national budget to weaponize the Elements.
Bang!
"Beatcha to it," Rainbow Dash perched atop Pinkie's "party" "cannon" with a grin. "Why go supersonic when you can go hypersonic? You know that I can fly at speeds fast enough to cause gamma ray bursts from the friction I make between myself and the air molecules."
Twilight snorted. "Didn't think you'd remember that, but the faster we get the job done, the better."
A distant flash of light momentarily outshone the sun before Rarity teleported back with Applejack in tow. "Twilight, you mustn't forget to tell us when those unsightly donut sentries are present! AJ here was crushing the last two-hundred thousand under her hooves when I had to dazzle their tracking cameras to get them off our tail! ...Darling."
We don't speak of the organic horrors Fluttershy unleashed upon the smoldering crater that was once a donut shop. Especially when they are charged with chaos magic.
Angel Bunny ate well that night.
Donut Joe on the other hoof was banished to the sun for the crime of toothpaste-donuting Celestia in an unfortunate case of mixed labels.
what
Twilight Sparkle was too school for cool?
Author's Note
Starkice , duck!
Twilight Sparkle was too school for cool?
"C'mooooooooooon," Rainbow Dash held up the skateboard. "It'll be cool! All the cool mares know how to--"
Twilight chucked a book at Rainbow Dash and ran. Unfortunately for Rainbow, said book was a Daring Do book, thus infecting Rainbow with terminal Nerd Disease.
Celestia and Luna lived in a warehouse?
Celestia stared up at the full moon. "It sure is moon out tonight."
"Yes it is, sister. Now please, come inside."
"Can I not admire the astral landscape that my own sister has painted?"
"It's raining. How can you even see the moon?"
Celestia turned her head, gazing at Luna with bloodshot eyes. "I just concentrate really hard, you see. In the land where friendship is magic, concentration is just as influential!"
Luna lifted a brow. "I don't follow."
Celestia returned to staring at the cloudy sky that'd conveniently parted just enough to make the full moon visible.
"Sisterrrrrrr, come on! You're getting soaked out there. Come in here and make this warehouse a warehome ."
~~yes I wrote this chapter just to write that~~
"No."
Luna lit her horn with a disapproving stare aimed squarely at Celestia. The moon vanished out of fear. Or maybe Luna's magic. Or both.
"Hey so uh, mind stepping off my face?"
"Whu--huh? " Luna's eyes shot downward to the mare she was now standing on. "Where did you come from?"
"I was the warehouse. The full moon was out."
Author's Note
*turns u into a warehouse*
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the CMC tried to get their cutie marks in minor evil?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger spies... Tony the Tiger?
the CMC tried to get their cutie marks in minor evil?
Scootaloo smacked her lips. "So. Minor evil, huh? I can get behind that."
Sweetie Belle turned just in time to see Scoots smash her bottle of Copyright-Free-Cola on the table. "No, Scootaloo . Murder is not a minor evil."
Scootaloo gave her new weapon a few experimental swings. "Who said I was gonna commit murder? Do you know how easily things get scratched up by broken glass? I'm gonna deface SO many bathroom mirrors."
"Oh. Okay, carry on."
Apple Bloom peered over Sweetie Belle's shoulder. "Whatcha plannin', Sweetie? Ah'm gonna implement a system of progressively lessenin' tax cuts that drop th' wealthier you are! Ponyville ain't got enough billionaires, and this here's gonna be the perfect way to make us the economic capital of Equestria! I call it 'trickle-down economi--'"
Sweetie Belle put a hoof over her friend's muzzle. "Apple Bloom."
"Yeag?"
"That's the evilest thing I've ever heard. Take a spray paint can and go lower property values instead."
"If that's so evil, then what're you plannin' then?"
A glint of light reflected off Sweetie's eyes as she turned, a sneer spreading across her face. "We're gonna become tall ."
Author's Note
Yall seem to have a habit for making redacted stuff. Lookin' at you, bkam . You sussy baka.
[REDACTED]?
"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash burst into the room holding a [REDACTED]. "Look what I just found! It's a brand-new [REDACTED] that was sitting on the side of the road! Whaddya think?"
Twilight lifted a brow at Rainbow Dash's brand-new [REDACTED]. "Why would anypony throw away a [REDACTED] like that? That's pretty wasteful, even coming from me as I casually throw out this six-million bit lab equipment because I was given an infinite budget by Celestia herself for my newly acquired status as an official Princess of NEET-ism that's overridden my Princess of Friendship title. You want a sandwich?"
"Twilight. I have no idea what you just said, but man does that sandwich look tasty."
Rainbow Dash took the sandwich and promptly forgot all about the [REDACTED] that she'd now left sitting on the floor.
Fluttershy the prussian spy?
Author's Note
Watch out, it's an Electrix !
Fluttershy the prussian spy?
"Fluttershy, darling," Rarity looked up from the red dress she'd been working on all morning. "What in the world are you doing hiding behind the counter like that?"
"BLUE!" Fluttershy screeched. She threw a hoof-full of powdered Prussian blue paint at the dress and fled.
"Oh."
"Wololo--" an unseen voice echoed all around. Rarity watched as the red dress with blue paint became a blue dress with red paint.
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in season 9 of the ending of the end of the final battle, that cozy glow betray the legin of doom and help the mane 6, spike and all the equestria's creatures to stop queen chrysalis, lord tirek and destroy the bell to bring back celestia, luna and d
Author's Note
holycrapthattitle , Huskylover !
Full title:
What If... in season 9 of the ending of the end of the final battle, that cozy glow betray the legin of doom and help the mane 6, spike and all the equestria's creatures to stop queen chrysalis, lord tirek and destroy the bell to bring back celestia, luna and discord's magic, and in the end of the battle, everypony and even the princesses and the mane 6 give cozy glow a second chance of life?
in season 9 of the ending of the end of the final battle, that cozy glow betray the legin of doom and help the mane 6, spike and all the equestria's creatures to stop queen chrysalis, lord tirek and destroy the bell to bring back celestia, luna and d
Twilight stared directly at the camera. At you , the reader. And opened her mouth.
"The author of this fic never watched the show that far. But he--er, I , will try anyway. Also why the HECK is there a camera pointed at me in my study room? Spike , get out the giant poking stick of doom, we've got intruders!"
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so Cozy Glow, normally known for being the Racist Childe of All Time™, sat thonking on her thonkchair. The Legion of Doom was not obeying her every demand like she had hoped for them to. Namely, they took a 1-hour poo without her permission and forced her to run off to taco bell the taco bell toilets. After eating at Taco Bell, of course.
SPEAKING OF BELL--
"I AM HERE," Cozy Glow bucked down the door of Twilight's castle. Because of course she does. Doors in this anthology are universally destined to be destroyed in one way or another. There is no escaping this fate.
"What is it this time?" Twilight groaned, looking up from her morning coffee. "Oh. It's you. Give me a good reason to not fling you into the sun in the next ten seconds to solve all of my problems."
"I have a bell!"
Twilight lit her horn.
"WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT--" Cozy Glow held up the fancy bell that once belonged to Grogar and I guess also sucked up the magic of the (rather useless) royal sisters and resident lord of chaos. "I brought you a present."
Twilight downed the rest of her coffee before reaching for the rest of the pot. "You aren't gonna use that thing to suck up my magic next, are you?"
"Nnnnnnnno?"
Twilight waterfalled the rest of the coffee straight from the pot into her mouth, giving herself second-degree burns along the way. Don't worry though, she's questionably immortal now so even if she succumbs to these newly self-imposed injuries she'll probably be fine. Probably.
"Prove it," Twilight began in a much raspier voice than before. "Show me that you mean well while I prepare the solar slingshot."
Cozy Glow blinked as Twilight stood up and walked away. She was not, in fact, preparing the solar slingshot, because after The Incident three weeks ago, her permissions to use it were revoked. Rather, she was preparing even more coffee for herself.
Cozy Glow stared at the bell.
If the bell could stare, it probably stared right back at her.
Twilight yawned as she slid into her seat with a new mug of coffee. "Alright, I'm back. Er--where's the bell?"
"Whoooo, oh you're asking me? " Cozy Glow innocently turned her now bell-shaped body around. "Golly, I wish I knew! I'm sure that that bell right now is slowly dissolving away somewhere so that it can never be used again!"
Twilight sighed. "Stomach acid will take ages to dissolve an entire bell's worth of metal, if it even dissolves it at all. You're gonna die of metal poisoning long before that."
Cozy Glow stared back with an expression so blank that Twilight swore she'd accidentally started writing What If 3.
She lit her horn. "Alright, alright, you proved your intentions. Now I actually have to prepare something I guess." She teleported the bell out of Cozy Glow, opened a portal straight into the fires of Mordor, and tossed it in. "There. Done."
"Does that mean I won't get stoned anymore?"
"Hm? Oh, yeah I guess," Twilight waved Cozy off with a hoof. "Now leave me alone. This week was supposed to be Alicorn NEET week before you showed up."
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it rained potato soup for three week straight. (and when Rarity is brought back to life, she starts busting out dance moves?)
Author's Note
Congrats on commenting the moment I checked my notifs, Rhonie8k ! Also incidentally worked your comment in as well, ScopingLandscape !
it rained potato soup for three week straight. (and when Rarity is brought back to life, she starts busting out dance moves?)
"Soup."
"Yup. That sure is soup, Spike."
"Puddle of soup."
"Pond of soup."
"Darlings--oh my soup --er, Celestia! Where did all this soup come from?"
"Rarity. You saw how it was raining potato soup for three weeks straight."
"Well excuse me for concentrating on my work!"
"...For three weeks straight. Without using the restroom. Or eating. Or sleeping. Spike here tells me that he's pretty sure you neither blinked nor breathed that entire time either. And you were not working."
"What was I doing then? I hardly even remember yesterda--"
"Dancing. You were dancing, Rarity. For three weeks straight. Are... are you okay? "
THE ONE AND ONLY...
HERO...'S
FRIEND...'S
COUSIN...'S
BUTLER...'S
CAT...'S
GROOMER...'S
HAIRSTYLIST...'S
BROTHER...'S
PLUSHIE...'S
WASHING MACHINE...'S
MANUFACTURER...'S
CEO...'S
favorite little murder gremlin... uh--gremlin's
VAGUELY-ASSOCIATED ACQUAINTANCE, AIR SALAD.
spike was made of fireworks?
Author's Note
I think you've made a serious mistake, Rhonie8k .
spike was made of fireworks?
"Here, hold this for a sec," Twilight handed Spike a lit match.
"Oh okay."
"Thanks," Twilight took the match back.
"No probs."
.
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in the sparkle seven episode of season 9, instead of of sneaking in the castle, they use zephyr breeze's head (while he's still wearing the armor) as a battery ram through the blacked door of the castle and he shouted "but i don't want
Author's Note
What If in the sparkle seven episode of season 9, instead of of sneaking in the castle, they use zephyr breeze's head (while he's still wearing the armor) as a battery ram through the blacked door of the castle and he shouted "but i don't want to use my head!" And the mane 6 shouting "charge!", as they entered the castle, well, you know the rest of the story of the episode
Huskylover loves huskies, I presume. 🤔
Zero guarantees that this even somewhat resembles canon btw lol.
in the sparkle seven episode of season 9, instead of of sneaking in the castle, they use zephyr breeze's head (while he's still wearing the armor) as a battery ram through the blacked door of the castle and he shouted "but i don't want
"But I don't wanna use my head!"
"Oh sweet, strange brother o' mine," Fluttershy gently placed a hoof over Zephyr Breeze's muzzle. "Your opinion doesn't matter and you are now our battery ram regardless of your wishes."
"Oh--"
"CHARRRRRRRRRRRGE!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings. The rest of the girls together gripped Zephyr Breeze like the living javelin he felt like he was and rammed him headfirst through the doors of the castle, irreparably tearing them off their hinges with such force that they were sent flying out the back of the castle and into orbit where they remain today as a crucial load-bearing piece of the Equestrian Space Station.
Twilight tossed Zephyr aside and pulled out a sword, pointing it at Cozy Glowlestia. "Your crimes have been recognized and your reign is at an end, Cozy!"
"Oh?" Cozy Glowlestia hummed, resting her head elegantly on a tiny hoof. "You're approaching me? Instead of running away, you're coming right to me?"
"I can't load you into the Lunar Yeet Cannon 9000 without getting closer."
Cozy Glowlestia hopped off of the throne. She lit her newly-acquired horn gained from consuming Celestia both body and soul and raised her own weapon. "Then come as close as you'd like!"
"Twilight..." Fluttershy mumbled, "Are you sure about this? She's stronger than she looks. I can feel it."
Twilight yanked Zephyr Breeze up in front of her. "Worry not, Flutters, for I have my trusty steed!"
"What." Zephyr groaned.
Cozy Glowlestia snorted. "So be it."
Her own sword burst into deep crimson flame.
"Shall we charge again, Twilight?" Rarity looked between their sole living leader and the small, racist child.
"Actually, I have another idea. The sword in fact is only a backup."
A wave of "huhs" rolled through the crowd.
"Cozy Glowlestia!" Twilight pointed a hoof at the filly. "When you took over my castle, did you do anything more than sit your sorry self on my throne of ~~skulls~~books?"
Cozy Glow scoffed. "Why should I? You neglected this place so much that it was already empty by the time I entered. You spent so much time in that library of yours that you didn't even notice when I walked through the front door."
"Oh you sweet, sweet, summer child."
"Actually I was born in winter."
"Screw you."
"Thanks."
Twilight tapped her sword on the floor twice. A low rumble suddenly rattled through the structure.
"I hope you like grass in Tartarus, Cozy."
Cozy Glowlestia screeched as three Grass-Touching Machines™ rose all around her, dragging her down into the depths of Equestria with their turbocharged grass-studded belts.
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the sentient sandwich survived, joined forces with other sentient lunch foods, and declared war on the seagulls?
Author's Note
Scyphi , how could you?!
the sentient sandwich survived, joined forces with other sentient lunch foods, and declared war on the seagulls?
"Day-old-cup-noodles, do you have the target in sight?"
DOC-N squinted its noodle eyes. "Yes. Target's in sight, Sandwich."
"Fire when ready."
Seagull #10674017 stood on a pole. It was a nice pole. Quite tall for perching, not too narrow to be uncomfortable while standing, and located centrally to the locations where passing ponies may be found most often carrying food.
A beam of pure, unfiltered energy atomically disassembled the seagull and reassembled it somewhere else.
"Well done, DOC-N. The seagull relocation beam is a success."
"But where does it send them?"
"SPIIIIIIIIIKE!" Twilight screeched while being pummeled to death by seagulls. "SPIKE! GET THE BROOM!"
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Rarity tried to wear increasingly nonsensical outfits to get out of jury duty?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger gave her the idea.
Rarity tried to wear increasingly nonsensical outfits to get out of jury duty?
"Rarity, why are you dressed like... that?"
"Hush, darling. I'm not Rarity, I'm the jury bench."
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the running gag made a triumphant return and brought back some other pieces of history with it.
Author's Note
Juxtaponition got a dislike on their comment and I think that's funny.
the running gag made a triumphant return and brought back some other pieces of history with it.
"I GOTTA RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN, AND BE A CHAMPIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON--"
Twilight 'accidentally' opened a portal inconveniently directly in front of the stallion and sent him back from whence he came. Unfortunately, this was a portal back in time to What If 1, meaning this is a perfect time for--
Flam bursts through your screen with a wide, scraggle-toothed grin spread across his face. Yes, he's... what's this I hear? Bri'ish?!
"Oi mate I'm 'ere ta sell ya some bo'ohw'o'wo'ers. Wanna sip?"
You stare at the accursed item known as the bo'ohw'o'wo'er, otherwise known as "British water".
Flim joins his brother in the dimensional rift. Except unlike his brother, he was not diagnosed with British. "We also sell elephant boots! Hear all about 'em from a loyal customer of ours!"
Outside, Luna stomps around in her elephant boots turning everything into lava.
~~what~~
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in the MLP movie 1017, instead of the pirates and skystar are in the cake, the drive the warthog and the warthog music from red vs blue is played and garble said "what the... The hack is that music!??!" Then the pony's new friends ride into
Author's Note
What If... in the MLP movie 1017, instead of the pirates and skystar are in the cake, the drive the warthog and the warthog music from red vs blue is played and garble said "what the... The hack is that music!??!" Then the pony's new friends ride into battle and you know the rest of the movie
Huskylover does not know that I watch shockingly few things and normally stick to only my delusions. As usual I'm taking that title as literally as possible, typo included.
in the MLP movie 1017, instead of the pirates and skystar are in the cake, the drive the warthog and the warthog music from red vs blue is played and garble said "what the... The hack is that music!??!" Then the pony's new friends ride into
In the long-ago time of the year of our lord ~~Screwball~~ 1017, there was once a fairy tale told amongst the serfs of the land. A tale that told of magical equines--ones of the earth, of the sky, and of the arcane arts. This tale was called "mine smol horse".
And somehow in that same year, a freakin' movie was made from it.
Unnamed human #64291-89 sat on his log, staring at the shadow-puppets being projected onto the side of the wall. Here sat the first "brony" in recorded history.
Unnamed human #64291-89 walked away out of boredom. There goes the first "brony" in recorded history.
As for the 'movie' itself...
~~tbh I don't even remember the cake scene anymore I haven't thought about that movie in so long~~
~~and as veteran readers of this accursed anthology will know quite well by now, this means it's time for extremely inaccurate improv!~~
"Pinkie," Celestia smacked her dry lips. "Why is the cake swelling?"
Pinkie Pie looked at the cake. Then at Celestia. Then at the inconveniently-placed bust of the Storm King blocking the only exit from the room as a fleet of attack vessels loomed overhead.
"Dunno! I'll go pop the bubble."
See, Pinkie is a mare of her word. 'Honest Abe', she was called, even though nopony knew what the heck that second part of the nickname referred to. Still, being distantly related to Applejack ensured that if that Ponk ever told even the smallest fib, she would instantaneously implode to form a black hole that'd swallow Equestria in its entirety.
And so, true to her word, Pinkie popped the cake bubble.
Or at least, she tried to.
"Pinkie, why do I hear boss music?" Celestia hummed as she inhaled another cup of tea.
Garble, a dragon that I have no recollection of having ever existed, piped up from the corner of the room where he'd apparently been this entire time. "what the... The hack is that music!??!"
The spiritual form of Twilight materialized as a force ghost in front of Garble, pushing up her thick-rimmed glasses while flipping around a dictionary. "I believe you mean 'heck' ."
She was then promptly pulled into the depths of Tartarus for the high crime of saying 'heck' in this Christian Minecraft server that is Equestria.
~~can you tell I'm writing this at 2:16:10 am~~
Whilst Garble was freaking out over the newly-formed hole drilling down into the underworld right in front of him, the music grew louder with every step Pinkie took towards the cake.
A single phrase rose from the cake as all suddenly fell silent.
"Tucker did it."
The cake burst open with violent ferocity as the portal that'd just happened to randomly open at its center spat out a buncha dudes in a funky-lookin' vehicle. They proceeded to ram the bust of the Storm King so hard that they sent it flying straight up with enough force to punch a hole clean through the real Storm King's flagship precisely where he stood, which then thanks to its momentum carried him up and out of the top of his attack ship and out of the planet's atmosphere, where thanks to the precise positioning of the moon because Luna decided today was a good day for a partial solar eclipse, was gravitationally slingshot away from the sun and out of the solar system into interstellar space where he continues to exist to this day as a freeze-dried husk clinging to a statue of himself.
Also Pinkie hitched a ride in the warthog and made friends with the crew kthxbai💥
The horse called Twilight Sparkle, of whom, much like others of her kind, were on the rather stout side of equine statures, stared unblinkingly at the sunset. Her slender horn, an indicator of her graceful presence as the fabled creature 'unicorn', aimed skyward in her stance.
Twilight Sparkle snorted a horsely snort, plodding away from the fence. It appears that the flies inhabiting the space had finally gotten on her nerves.
She paused. Alas, some poor sap had left their tome on the ground. The mare tilted her head, eyeing the cover up and down. It was a book on economics, presumably dropped by a wandering business student.
Twilight bent down and took a bite. Books were her favorite, of course, regardless of the many complaints received.
Author's Note
lolwut
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the show was exactly the same, except this was Twilight.
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger is a shockingly average horse.
the show was exactly the same, except this was Twilight.
"Hahaha! Crystals and stuff!" Sombra snorted [REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED SO REDACTED].
Horselight Shortkle bucked Sombra off of his throne and whinnied. She did it! She done did the it! She saved the day!
"Wait wasn't I supposed to be important here?" Spike raised a claw. Horselight freaked out (again) at the sight of such a large reptilian creature and made a run for it, leaving Spike to receive his rightful praise in her stead.
Somewhere in the background, Cadance was thrown like a javelin for a second time as the Crystal Empire's wife-throwing Olympics began.
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a Kraft Single landed on Twilight's head, and a voice boomed from above, "Cheese!"?
Author's Note
ScopingLandscape is the only one that knows where that cheese came from.
a Kraft Single landed on Twilight's head, and a voice boomed from above, "Cheese!"?
Twilight was having a nice day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, Cozy Glow was locked up in a port-a-potty for her high crimes against equinity, and best of all, she didn't have to go anywhere near a quesadilla today.
Emphasis on was a good day, by the way.
Plap!
"Cheese!" a voice boomed from above. Nothing else happened after that.
Twilight, of course, screamed in despair for her day being ruined.
her chest edges were super difficult?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger likely has no idea what this means either.
her chest edges were super difficult?
Twilight looked down at the leaflet with that phrase printed on it. Then up to the sky. She sucked in a deep breath, and bellowed out a pleading, gutteral--
"Wat."
Rarity stumbled past with a very unwieldy chest in tow overflowing with books, mumbling the exact phrase that was printed on the leaflet.
Twilight watched Rarity leave the chest on the doorstep and leave.
"Wat."
Shikanoko Nokonoko Koshitantan?
Author's Note
Horseus King of Horses is the newest member of the deer club!
Shikanoko Nokonoko Koshitantan?
SHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTANSHIKANOKONOKONOKOKOSHITANTAN--
Twilight was then airlifted out of the questionably-bottomless pit by a certain deer helicoptering their antlers.
~~idk this is probably one of the stupider chapters lmao~~
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Abacus Cinch actually had many suitors asking for her hand in marriage all the time?
Author's Note
Have a bonus chapter for the day Arthor2017 .
Abacus Cinch actually had many suitors asking for her hand in marriage all the time?
"Rejected. Next. "
The shambling mound of abstract shapes and colors hung its heads as it shuffled out.
Principal Blueblood of the local Canterlot Elementary sheepishly peeked into the room. As did Principal Sombra of the competing Crystal Military Academy, Alternate Not-Discord, and three demonic entities in a trenchcoat.
Abacus Cinch sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Come in. All of you."
They did as they were told by the madwoman.
"You--" she pointed at Alternate Not-Discord. "Don't you dare set foot upon my beautiful campus again unless you intend to assist my students in winning the next Competing Competition in Competition Studies. I want you to teach them the dark arts of this chaos magic that I have heard about from that wretched Canterlot High."
Alternate Not-Discord screeched as he got dusted Thanos-style.
"Sombra," Cinch's face softened. "It's been a long time. How has your little pet project been doing?"
"Crystals," Sombra muttered.
"Crystals indeed. I assume our students will be receiving your next batch of... equipment in time for the competition?"
Sombra grunted.
"Good, good. And I assume that you desire in return for your efforts... me?"
Sombra batted his eyes the best he could. Which was not well. In fact, it looked more like an awkward double-wink, and sounded like someone grinding rock salt against a chalkboard.
"Never change, Sombra. I'll let you know my thoughts by the end of the week."
Her eyes shot to the three demonic entities in a trenchcoat. "I know what you are. Go possess that traitor Twilight Sparkle or something. Make yourself useful to me and I might consider you."
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Twilight took a break from writing these scenarios and Spike read them and immediately took 2d6 psychic damage?
Author's Note
Spike suffers for your amusement, The Spy of the Tiger . Are you satisfied?
Twilight took a break from writing these scenarios and Spike read them and immediately took 2d6 psychic damage?
Twilight set down the book that she was writing, letting out a loud, thundering yawn. She proceeded to immediately pass out in such a way that her chair flipped backward, dumping her out the window and onto the ground three floors down.
"Twilight," Spike opened the door with enough force to open it. "Your blood sacrifi--Twilight?"
He set the tray of vials on her desk and scampered around to the overturned chair. Twilight had spent so much time writing this book of hers. Heck, this wasn't even her first one at this point!
He slowly flipped to the most recent page of the book. And found this exact line. These exact sentences. Himself, being narrated as he read . He frowned, watching the words scribble out onto the formerly-blank pages one by one under the influence of a magenta glow.
He peered out the window at the passed-out Twilight. Her horn was still lit, so evidently she was writing this in her sleep. He turned around again to watch himself continue to be narrated. It was strange like this, watching...
Wait, did that mean that the future is predetermined? Did he not actually have any free will, beholden instead to mere words on a page?
(Yes.)
Spike screamed.
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Celestia was biologically required to drink barbecue sauce?
"Sister."
Celestia glanced over the top of the bottle of barbecue sauce she was currently guzzling.
Luna placed a bottle of ketchup in front of her. "Please. Our nation's supplies of barbecue sauce are dangerously low. Would you please think of the poor ponies of Equestria whose barbecues are going sauceless?"
"And cause my own health to diminish? Neigh!" Celestia slammed the bottle down with a thunk on the table. "Don't you know that barbecue sauce contains essential nutrients that my body requires to function? Why do you think that you , a ketchup-drinker, are shorter than me , a glorious barbecue sauce drinker?"
Sweetie Giraffe loomed outside the window, a giant juicebox filled with nothing but mustard levitating in her magic as she trampled lower Canterlot with every step.
Author's Note
and now for something completely different!
"project emphenom" chapters may become a repeating occurrence within what if. ~~yes, it's just fractures again~~
Project Emphenom #1?
"Princess! Welcome, welcome," the stallion bowed as Celestia entered. "I take it you are here to assess the progress we have made since your last visit?"
A slight nod. "Indeed I am. I may not look much the part myself, but I have been fascinated by the inner machinations of the countless stars above us for a great many years. My sister , on the other hoof..." Celestia stifled a chuckle. "I believe she's seen enough stars in the past millennium to last a lifetime." She paused before a set of doors. "Regardless of our conflicting views on how enticing the research of stellar phenomena stand, I do believe this is the room you intend to show me into?"
"Yes, yes," the stallion hurried to the panel at the side and tapped a card against it. A mechanical whoosh escaped the sealed passageway as the doors slid open. "Right this way, Your Highness. I believe that this may be of particular interest to you."
Celestia eyed the hulking machinery--in particular, the building-sized array of laser emitters clustered like the spines of a sea urchin around a core of some kind. "You mentioned in your letter that you successfully synthesized a non-negligible amount of neutronium, is that what you intend to show me?"
"Oh, no no. We encountered something even more interesting during our follow-up runs. The neutronium that we produce fizzles out into plain hydrogen and helium in only a matter of minutes, anyway. What we'd like to show you today is the manipulation of probability itself ."
Celestia slowed her steps.
"Stay right here," the stallion stepped out in front of her, his labcoat billowing with his movements as he strode toward a group of researchers standing with clipboards.
She couldn't quite hear what it was he was saying from this distance, but before long the stallion had returned to her side. He waved some signal at what she could only presume was an unseen group controlling the equipment.
A heavy thunk reverberated across the room, followed by an earsplitting hum.
"Those're the cooling jackets for the lasers!" the stallion shouted through the noise. "See, because our lasers aren't a hundred percent efficient, some of the insane amount of power that they draw gets wasted as heat, and if we don't keep that under control, this whole building turns into a heap of slag!"
"I see! Er, hear!" Celestia shouted back. "Is this the process to synthesize neutronium?"
"Part of it! We use the lasers to squeeze the sample while superheating it! We hope to recreate the conditions we theorize to exist at the center of neutron stars as closely as possible! The actual synthesis happens when we start bombarding the thing with electrons!"
The noise continued for several more minutes. Even without any visible moving parts, Celestia couldn't help but stare at the behemoth of an engineering marvel that filled the room--no, hangar . Pipes as thick as she was tall--presumably carrying coolant to nurse the lasers--snaked across every visible surface along two sides of the room; the other two, of course, being occupied by the machine itself and the very much non-mechanical beings such as herself and the researchers standing where they were.
The stallion waved another signal. A second thunk echoed out as the hum gradually diminished into inaudibility.
"And that's our run with experienced observers present," he turned back to Celestia. "These experiments we've been performing have somewhat distanced themselves from their original focus of synthesizing neutronium and related material, you see. We've instead turned our attention to the prospect of what, at least in this early stage of discovery, appears to be some kind of quantum effect capable of presenting itself on a macroscopic scale. I already mentioned that we have discovered a potential way to influence probability, no?"
Celestia nodded along.
The group of ponies from earlier shuffled past and out of the room.
"Now then," the stallion continued once the door had shut. "Observe."
He gave another wave, and the machinery once again roared to life.
"See any difference in the results, Princess?" the stallion grinned.
"Yes. Quite," Celestia placed a hoof underneath two highlighted readings. "With your so-called 'experienced observers' present, the yield of the run is nearly double that of a run without them in the room."
"Mm-hm! And I can assure you, this is no fault of measurement, machinery, or manual error. We thoroughly checked for each when we first encountered this phenomenon ourselves. The results only fluctuate with their presence or absence."
Celestia glanced at the group of researchers, who had since returned to the room. Then back at the printout. "What is it that makes this group special? You mentioned that they are experienced ."
"Precisely. Those ponies were the ones that first conducted the experiment and saw success in the synthesis. They are the ones that know the process inside and out."
"And what of yourself? Are you not one of them?" Celestia cocked her head.
"No, no," the stallion laughed. "I'm just the one that does all the talking. I couldn't begin to wrap my head around how to do all of this. And before you ask, the equipment is controlled remotely as well, so the other group of experienced researchers running the show aren't ever present either. This whole probability manipulation scheme only appears to work if you have direct line-of-sight with the machinery."
~~idk where to go from here it's now 1:30am and this blurb was written as an experiment to see how some lore I wrote would play out in practice if it were to be written in full rather than simply referenced~~
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law and order was so antithetical to chaos that Discord sued the author for portraying him using it?
Author's Note
Haven't seen you 'round in a while, epiccuttlefish ! Welcome back!
law and order was so antithetical to chaos that Discord sued the author for portraying him using it?
"I'm suing you. You portrayed me as one who would dare touch the legal system."
Is suing me not an act of using the legal system, though?
Discord's scream was cut off as he was dragged away from the crack in the fourth wall by some unseen force (it was Fluttershy).
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Memelight sparkle made rainbow dash 20% cooler in her crusade to improve the lives of those around her with sheer unfiltered 2013 brony content?
Author's Note
Advisability has the power to make Rainbow Dash 20% cooler ON TOP of already being 20% cooler.
Memelight sparkle made rainbow dash 20% cooler in her crusade to improve the lives of those around her with sheer unfiltered 2013 brony content?
"Hey Rainbow. Rainbow Dash. Hey. Heyyyyyyy," Memelight Sporktacles emerged from a cloud. "Hey kid. Wanna become... twenty percent cooler?"
Rainbow Dash gasped. "OH BOY DO I?"
Twilight placed a small book in front of Rainbow. "Read this. It tells of an incarnation of you that was known by many, many 'people' on the 'internet'."
Rainbow Dash stared at the book titled "Rainbow Factory" as Twilight slipped back into the cloud. Another life successfully improved. ~~But at what cost?~~
Project Emphenom #2: Crumble
Birds.
Twilight rolled over, clenching her eyes shut against the bright morning sun.
The birds continued... warbling? The ones outside her castle didn't sound like this. Was it a new flock? Some migratory group passing through the area, maybe?
She sucked in a breath. In a few minutes, she would probably hear her alarm anyway.
...
...
This wasn't her bed.
Twilight jolted awake, her forehooves planting firm against the... grass?
The birds, whatever they were, fluttered away at the sight of her sudden movement.
"Spike?"
No answer. Not that she expected one given where she was.
Slowly, she stood up. The sun was already high in the sky, illuminating the fields around her in pastel greens and yellows.
She winced as she rubbed her forehead. She must've hit her horn somewhere the night before. Still, a headache was the least of her worries right now. None of this looked familiar to her. Not the hills, not the sky, not even the type of grass beneath her hooves.
Twilight sniffed the air. It even smelt different here. And where were the mountains?!
Peering into the distance, she just barely made out the figure of what appeared to be a city. Still, a growing unease gnawed at her from the inside. She unfurled her wings, preparing to take off.
The very first thing she needed to do was to get an idea of where she was. Hopefully, somepony in the place up ahead knew a thing or two about Equestria. Worst case scenario, she'd have to pick a direction to fly in and hope she'd run into some familiar landmark. Food would also be an important factor. Even if there is the city up ahead, she wouldn't be able to carry much with her as she traveled, so it'd be best to stay close to established roads and towns where she could stop for meals... or at least, she'd have to if she wasn't willing to forage instead.
Twilight continued her steady glide toward the city, beating her wings every so often to regain altitude. Did she ever read that foraging book Rainbow Dash showed her? She honestly couldn't remember--maybe it... no, for sure she would've noticed it if it slipped into her paperwork. And besides, if it really came to it, she could always eat grass.
Her attention drifted back to the sights beneath her. The city was far closer now, though it looked... abandoned? She could see the decaying towers from this distance, and there was a worrying lack of activity on the increasing number of roads that she passed over.
She picked a spot right around the outskirts of the inner city to land. A puff of dirt arose from beneath her hooves as she touched down. Just like how it looked from above, this whole place was empty . There was the occasional creature that'd make noise somewhere out of sight, but that was it. No ponies or any other sentient creature to be seen.
The dilapidated buildings around her creaked in the breeze. They were weathered both inside and out, and stank of mildew even from as far out as the street. Every so often, Twilight swore she spotted something flash at her. It was always a color that she couldn't quite name, and no matter how fast she was, it'd always be out of sight the moment she turned her attention to it.
She lit her horn.
Or at least, she tried to.
Her heart skipped a beat. Where was her magic? This should've come easy to her, and yet--
Another flash of light caught her eye.
As usual, it vanished before she even moved.
She tried to light her horn again. If not to reach for whatever creature was watching her, then at the very least it'd bring her some semblance of comfort to know she had something .
...Nothing.
No outflow of mana, no shimmering glow around her horn... she shuddered.
This was the source of that unease from earlier.
Magic was... gone?
She crouched down, scanning her surroundings with wary eyes.
There it was again.
Twilight inched away in the opposite direction. If she moved slowly, maybe it wouldn't notice.
...
...
What was she thinking? She had to... no, no. Safety first. Something deep insider her was screaming for her to run. To bolt as fast as her legs could carry her to who-knows-where, away from the... threat? Was this a threat?
Something brushed against her hoof, eliciting a frantic buck in its direction.
Nothing was there.
Her heart pounded in her throat. It was a mistake coming here. Once she reaches that area in the shade, she could--
A thud came from below--as if something had punched the road from underneath. Twilight fluttered her wings, shrinking back just in time to escape the sinkhole that'd formed where she was standing moments before.
Carefully, she peered over the edge.
A pool of shimmering colors and abstract shapes lapped against the walls of the sinkhole. She ducked away as a shard of unrecognizable hue shot up and out of the hole before dissipating into the air.
At least that explained one question. Still, the uneasy feeling she had lingered on. It was hardly scientific for her to base everything on a feeling, but something was watching her. She was sure of it.
The air pressure dropped. Twilight blinked, feeling the literal weight pressing down on her lift in a matter of seconds. She couldn't quite put a hoof on how it felt compared to before. It was like something got peeled back. Like removing a wet raincoat after being drenched.
Still, no magic.
But ahead of her now, and rapidly retreating, she saw a visible shimmer in the air just like the sort that creates a mirage on a hot day.
She peered one more time at the strange pool in the sinkhole before taking to the air. She needed to collect her thoughts. Preferably somewhere less unsettling.
Hopefully, she could find someone else.
Author's Note
this was a scrapped segment of what was intended to be an attempt to bridge Fractures over into the MLP space. That means that I've scrapped Fractures here on fimfiction twice now :P
Welp. Here I am, once again. Fractures is a fic that's been kickin' around in one form or another for ages , technically stretching as far back as my "Wielder of the Orb" days waaaaaaaaaaay back in 2014. This particular story isn't directly to the experimental Fractures that I wrote and intended to post chapter by chapter in blog posts, though it does draw from the same conceptual base.
In a sense, like many of my fics, this too is an experiment. Aside from Ruins and the very occasional updates that I gather the energy to write, I really haven't been all that present in the "serious story" space.
I want to change that. I want to return to trying out ideas for scenarios, characters, and places. See what works and what doesn't.
In a way, this is almost a return to how things once were. With fanfiction blazing the way for an original fiction follow-up, much like Pony-Me was when I was in high school. Just that this time, the original fiction was technically the first, but has been trapped in developmental h
I don't intend for the original fiction Fractures to lag too far behind this fic. At most maybe an arc or two, though now that I'm saying that, it might be a little hard to match things up like that simply because of the difference in the basis of the stories.
In any case, there's only one way to find out how this new experiment of mine goes.
As always, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy.
Project Emphenom #3: Slime Study
Author's Note
honestly at this point i might just re-publish the former "fractures" fic I had posted a few weeks back as an anthology similar to what if but exclusively for this more serious, experimental content. then again, that would also mean that it'd have to be able to stand on its own, which being in its current state of an assorted pile of ideas with little organization, might be hard to do.
for now i'll probably keep posting this sort of content alongside regular what if chapters so that the chapters are more visible. hopefully i can get some more thoughts and feedback that way.
Project Emphenom #3: Slime Study
Fluttershy gently poked the gelatinous blob sitting in the bowl. "Twilight, are you sure this bowl is comfortable enough for him?"
"Fluttershy. As far as I can tell, there is no way that a congealed colony of largely-independent amoebae can feel either comfort or discomfort on a macroscopic scale." She handed her a pair of cans. "Measure out five equal parts of sugar and synthetic mana in separate plates while I divide out some test subjects from the parent mass."
"You-you're cutting him up?" Fluttershy flinched as the bowl lifted away, carefully balanced on a cushion of Twilight's magic.
"Dividing. No point in cutting if it'll simply rejoin around the knife. You saw this slime consume a squirrel. Piercing its surface means nothing."
"Right..."
Twilight carefully poured out as equal of portions as she could manage into separate flasks, pausing from time to time to check in on Fluttershy's progress in preparing 'food' for the colonies. She paid special mind not to touch the blob with her bare hooves, either. Whatever digestive enzymes this colony secreted were quite potent even for something that was effectively a disembodied stomach. Why it had no effect on Fluttershy both when she poked it earlier and when she initially helped to catch it by wrestling it to the ground was a mystery for another time.
"Here it is," Fluttershy slid a tray beside Twilight. "Equal amounts of sugar and mana in little plates. Is it enough?"
"Yup! Well done, Flutters," Twilight picked up the first plate. "Don't forget, we're doing this to see what these slimes prefer regarding food. We've seen it 'eat' plants and animals before, so at the very least it's an omnivore. But I've heard in passing that it's also capable of, and I quote, 'sucking the magic out of things'. I can't say that I've been provided any proof for that yet, but anecdotally I have noticed a number of enchanted items normally placed around Ponyville having seemingly weakened or lost their properties entirely."
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to combat this new crisis, official currency changed to explosions.
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger is your local certified explosions dealer. They never look at their products, of course.
to combat this new crisis, official currency changed to explosions.
"PRINCESS!" unnamed royal guard #6820712 rushed into the throne room. "There is an emergency! An asteroid is rapidly approaching the planet, targeted squarely at your kitchen!"
Celestia's hooves gripped the armrests (forelegrests?) hard enough to carve deep gouges into the surface. "Throw the military budget at it."
"E-excuse me? Don't you mean to say throw the military at it? I can't imagine that literally throwing money at--"
"Just let the treasurer know to whom the transfer should be sent."
"Huh? "
"You heard me."
The following segment has been translated from an otherwise-unknown language for your convenience.
"You really think this asteroid disguise will be enough to scare Celestia into fleeing Canterlot Castle, leaving the galaxy-famed Canterlot Kitchen open for our taking?" Xlgluarg continued steering the craft.
"If our close watch of her actions is any indication, yes. She has fled in shame for much more minor things. Excuse me for a [period of time unfamiliar to us], it appears we have an electronic transmission from Canterlot."
"Ha! Maybe it's their terms of surrender!"
"Inconvenience fee, three trillion... booms?"
It was said that for the next week and a half, Equestria gained a second sun.
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everyone started living in bomb shelters so that their homes wouldn’t be destroyed by this new currency?
Author's Note
Starlight Glimmer1 is the sole licensed contractor capable of building so many sturdy bomb shelters!
everyone started living in bomb shelters so that their homes wouldn’t be destroyed by this new currency?
The Storm King's airship hovered ominously over Canterlot, its strange cannons armed and ready to fire upon anything that moved. Yet, no such activity was spotted far below the ground. For miles and miles around, all that was seen from the flagship of the Storm King, and even from the support ships that surrounded it, was empty, unpopulated land.
"WHAT THE Grubber! I think we took a wrong turn by that mountain over there, I don't see any kingdoms or palaces to crush!"
Grubber watched helplessly as the map bounced out the room, through a hallway, up onto the top deck, over a railing, and down to the ground below. He made a mental note not to buy rubber maps next time.
They landed the ships on what should've been the location of Canterlot Castle. The Storm King stepped out, taking in a breath of the mountain air. "Well, I suppose we rule this place now. Where all those ponies have gone I don't know."
Derpy hummed to herself as she drove the secure banking truck down the buried highway. This is all you need to know.
"Uh-- Mister The Storm King Sir?" Grubber tugged at the Storm King's cloak. "Why is the ground swelling?"
"Why is the ground wha-- "
A concentrated thermonuclear blast sent the Storm King and his fleet into orbit before rocketing upwards itself, creating a THIRD sun in the sky.
Derpy's fine btw she just forgot to lock the doors of the truck and the bags of booms fell out without her knowing.
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the second sun re-materialized and made a third sun?
Author's Note
Electrix and bkam tag-team power means the sun has been TRIPLED!
the second sun re-materialized and made a third sun?
"Celestia, sister dear, why are there three suns in the sky currently?"
Celestia stared on at the newest fireball hovering in the sky courtesy of Derpy's escapades from the previous chapter(s).
"Sister?"
"I can feel it, Lulu. Can you? The burning power of three trillion booms? The economy, Lulu... It's healing."
"Sister, what are you even talking about?!"
"The second sun rises once more."
"Huh? "
The blazing inferno of thermonuclear power continued to orbit the planet after spontaneously re-materializing.
Project Emphenom #4: "Magic" Study
Author's Note
This here's yet another practice/study type chapter for Fractures/Project Emphenom. It works around the concept of "emulating 'magic' through crude technology". It's also partly a more lighthearted character practice piece.
Also, callback to Lab Horse!
Project Emphenom #4: "Magic" Study
"Whatcha doin?" Twilight peered over Gadget's shoulder. Dozens of assorted bits and bobs littered the desk--bits of brass tubing, wire segments... was that a disassembled lighter?
Gadget grinned as she spun around. "Making my own kind of magic! Look at this--" she held up her hoof-mounted monstrosity of tubes and wires. Twilight raised a brow at one particular tube that snuck down her foreleg to a tank tied to her waist by a belt. Gadget cut her off before she could say anything. "--it's my homemade flame magic! Y'know how I wasn't ever really learnt how to do anything besides floating stuff around, right?"
Twilight nodded slowly.
"Well, everyone I asked kept telling me that I'm too old to learn fire magic because at my age, not knowing what I'm doing is very dangerous. So, I made my own kind of fire magic!"
"Gadget, that's a flamethrower. A hoof-mounted one at that. I think there'd be more concern over a filly walking around with something like that than one who is late to learn some spells. Who were you asking to teach you, by the way? You could've asked m--"
"You," Gadget spun her hoof in a circle. A series of clicks rung out from the device with each cycle before a small flame flickered to life from the nozzle mounted just above her hooftip. "You told me that. And I promise that I made this extra safe!"
"This one?" Twilight's gaze drifted to the heap of discarded parts--many of which were visibly singed.
Gadget waved her hooves in front of Twilight to bring her attention back. "'Inventing and building new things is a process filled with failure' , that's what you told me. I wanna make cool stuff like you!"
"I don't remember making anything recentl--"
"You left your grass-touching machine on the kitchen table again, Twi," Spike trudged past the open door, dragging the aforementioned machine behind him.
"--right . Probably should've put that away."
Gadget turned a dial on the side of her flame-gauntlet device. "And watch this, too!"
A low hum gradually filled the room as a stream of grey shot from the nozzle. She pointed the device at a piece of scrap on the table, nudging it along without ever physically touching it. "See? It's kinda like using my magic to move it, except instead of magic it's tiny little explosions coming out thousands of times per second! And then--" she turned the knob even further before lifting up a water bottle with her magic. "Watch this . You know how it's usually really hard to float around water using magic since it kinda just drips everywhere?"
Twilight gave a nod.
Gadget grinned as she activated the gauntlet again. Once more, the hum filled the air as she slowly tipped the water bottle over her hoof. A sort of blob of water gurgled out, rippling from the bottom up as it sat on a cushion of air.
"See?" she set the bottle back on the table. "I can make water float just like anything else!"
Twilight rubbed her chin. "Very interesting. How much control do you have over the water?"
"Not that much," Gadget idly bounced the water with measured movements. "And none of this is very long-range either."
"How about we tinker with it a little more together? "
~~Celestia was then rather rudely picked up off her throne by a string of millions of tiny explosions and gently placed three paces to the side. To this day nopony knows exactly how this happened or who committed the act.~~
Spike became a clone of Rainbow Dash?
Author's Note
6-D Pegasus , this can go one of two ways.
Spike became a clone of Rainbow Dash?
"Hi I'm Rainbow Dash," Spike waved from within his poorly-made Rainbow Dash costume. "Look at me I fly and stuff."
"Rainbow, we know," Applejack rolled her eyes. "This is the third time you've said that."
Rainbow Dash landed in front of her with a whump . "Said what? Just got here, were you and Spike saying something 'bout me?"
"WOAH TWO RAINBOW DASHES," Twilight emerged from whatever rabbithole she'd dug herself into earlier that day... much to Fluttershy's bemusement. "I've seen this in a movie before, what was that line again..." she rubbed her chin before pulling out the zappy bits of an orbital strike cannon. "Well, whatever, I don't remember the line but I do have this! Now, Rainbow Dashes, line up so I've got a good look at both of you."
"Twilight, we can talk about this," Spike raised his claws. "It's me, Spike. I'm just wearing a costume and--"
"CAN IT, RAINBOW NUMBER TWO."
"Seriously Twi, look--" Spike removed the hood he had up. "See?"
"TAHT RAINBOW'S A CHANGELING!" Applejack barked. Typo and all. Twilight saluted and grimly pivoted the aim of the orbital strike cannon toward Spike.
Spike was promptly yeeted all the way to Canterlot.
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Spike got fused into his Rainbow Dash costume after he got yeeted and couldn't take it off?
Author's Note
Scyphi provided Spike's costume manufacturer with poor-quality materials.
Spike got fused into his Rainbow Dash costume after he got yeeted and couldn't take it off?
"Oh, hi Rainbow," Celestia sipped her tea as Spike crashed through the window like the brick that flew in after him.
"For the last time, I'm not Rainbow Dash!" Spike tugged at the hood of his costume, only to discover that the 100% pure polyester fiber that it was made of had melted onto his body from the speed of the orbital strike-powered yeet. "Celestia, you've got to help me! I'm Spike, but everyone keeps thinking I'm Rainbow Dash!"
"Yes, yes, sure thing, prismatic friend of my former student," Celestia poured herself another cup of tea.
Spike picked at a flap of the costume that hadn't fully melted.
"I would advise you not to remove your own wings, Rainbow."
Spike grumbled under his breath as he tore the glittery wing clean off the costume, giving him an opening to further peel himself out.
"Sister dearest," Luna's voice came at the door. "What are you doing with Rainbow Dash in your room? I'm sure you're well aware of our subjects' views on taking ponies into your private quarters!"
She gently opened the door and peeked in. "Ah, I see. You're coaching one of the Elements of Harmony on how to properly shed her skin. Carry on."
"How is everyone so normal about this?" Spike continued to peel away the melted plastic piece by piece. "Am I the only one concerned about the fact that I'm covered in plastic?"
The Celestia figurine turned its head. "Concerned? I for one am delighted to learn that you are truly one with the plastic like we are."
The Spike figurine covered in a melted Rainbow Dash hoodie screamed.
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these last few chapters were just Shining Armor playing with toys that Twilight owned? (I assure you, owning toys of your friends is normal and in no way weird.)
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger may or may not have figurines that look like us.
these last few chapters were just Shining Armor playing with toys that Twilight owned? (I assure you, owning toys of your friends is normal and in no way weird.)
"Dangit, shouldn't have left Spike next to the window yesterday with that heat wave going on..." Shining Armor pried off a half-melted fabric wing from his Spike figurine. "Ruined a perfectly good custom hoodie, too. Twilight's gonna be pissed ."
Twilight emerged from beneath the windowsill outside. "What are you doing, Shiny?"
Shining Armor stared at his sister through the window.
Twilight stared back in a cold, unblinking gaze only possible thanks to her training as the future ruler of the land.
"Uhhhh--stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometri--"
"What's that you're hiding, Shiny?"
Shining Armor dipped his head with a defeated sigh as he held up the damaged Spike figurine.
"Twilight," Spike rose beside the mare at the window. "Why do you have a figurine of me in your childhood bedroom, and why is Shining Armor in there?"
Twilight's Royal Canterlot Stare™ shattered. "I, uh--well you see..." she tapped her hooves together, gritting her teeth. "Wargames! After what happened in the Crystal Empire, I realized that you are a valuable asset to have on the battlefield thanks to Equestria's enemies underestimating you."
"Uh-huh. And why is Shining Armor in there holding a figurine of me covered in melted plastic?"
"He's a top general in the Equestrian military, Spike. He has the right to participate and initiate such simulations on his own."
"There's still the other half of that question, Twi."
"You just got warcrime'd in that simulation run. New torture method, you see. The... uh," Twilight ran through the list of nations that could even remotely be considered as adversarial towards Equestria. "The Storm Kingdom , you see, was found to be using a method of torture where they pour hot wax on you during interrogation."
Spike pointed at the desk inside, upon which there was a marriage taking place between what appeared to be Celestia and an eraser. "And what about that?"
Twilight's panicked gaze met her brother's.
"Don't you know?" Shining Armor's muffled voice filtered through the glass, "The Princess intends to marry! The lucky pony's identity is being kept a secret for security reasons, and as per my instructions, I've instead used an indescript stand-in!"
Spike wouldn't be able to raise his brow any higher even if he wanted to. Between the nervous laughter from both Twilight and Shining Armor, all of this was quite suspicious.
"HEAR YE HEAR YE," a passing town crier who probably got lost or something shouted behind them, "THE SUN PRINCESS IS SCHEDULED TO MARRY! HEAR ALL ABOUT IT! THE IDENTITY OF THE GROOM IS SAID TO BE A GIANT SENTIENT ERASER! WILL THIS STRANGE UNION MARK THE BEGINNING OF A NEW ERA FOR THE NATION, OR WILL IT BE A MISTAKE OF THE AGES SET TO ERASE US FROM THE MAP? CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT! WING-STRENGTHENING PILLS, WING-STRENGTHENING PILLS! F&F PHARMACEUTICALS CARRIES ONLY THE BEST QUALITY GENERIC WING-STRENGTHENING PILLS COMPARABLE TO NAME-BRAND! BUY NOW AT WINGSEMBIGGEN DOT PONY. IS THE SUN A DEADLY LASER? THREE RESEARCHERS FROM EQUESTRIA'S OWN DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY SPEAK UP."
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a Storm Kingdom operative actually comes and takes Spike away? (PE#5)
Author's Note
ScopingLandscape , you've fallen right into my trap! DRIVEBYFRACTURESPOSTING, GO!
a Storm Kingdom operative actually comes and takes Spike away? (PE#5)
"RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH," a Storm Kingdom grunt tore through the walls of Twilight's castle. He pointed a bony finger at Spike. "Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."
"Yes, I'm me. Do you have an appointment?"
The grunt picked up Spike with a single hand, his fingers clasped firmly around Spike's small frame. "I am going to cover you in wax, as per my orders that were described within the previous chapter."
"H-huh? "
The Storm Kingdom grunt lumbered out of the hole in the wall with Spike still firmly in his grip.
"Spike?" Twilight peered through the hole in the wall. "Spike? You in there?"
Silence hung in the air amidst the destruction. All around, pieces of pulverized crystal lay scattered across the floor. A shredded comic book lay in tattered ruins at her hooves.
"...Spike?" she picked up the comic, tracing a hoof along the imprint stamped into it by heavy boots. A steely frown slowly crept across her face.
"Celestia, Luna," Twilight bowed before the throne. "As the Princess of Friendship, I am here to request military aid from our sovereign ally of Equestria for a..." she paused for thought. Given what the very reason for her domain's existence was, she'd have to pick her words carefully. "An act of friendship ."
Celestia set a hoof on her sister's Intrendo Swatch and pushed it down. "Pay attention, Lulu." She turned her attention back to Twilight. "What aid do you request in this mission, and for what reason is this act of friendship being performed?"
"Five surface-to-air missiles, ten of your finest tanks, and if possible, two nuclear-capable ICBMs. I cannot disclose the reason for national security concerns."
"It's Spike, isn't it?" Celestia deadpanned. "Saw him being carried like a duffel bag like an hour ago. Thought it was weird but whatever. Anyway I'm rejecting your request 'cause do you know how expensive that'll be? That would cut into make cake budget!"
Twilight let out a huff. "Fine then. No weapons of destru--er, peace and kindness . Any aid at all will be greatly appreciated."
Celestia took a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong sip of her drink. Twilight watched the liquid spiral up the curly straw.
"Best I can getcha is a wagon, two jugs of lemonade, a Raven, and this filly that wandered into the palace the other day."
"Wha--"
A little red wagon fell squarely on top of Twilight. Raven Inkwell sighed quietly, moving to extract Twilight from beneath it. "Princess," she began, "I believe it would be wise to treat your former student better than this."
"Fine. One guided missile." Celestia lowered Luna's Intrendo Swatch. Again. "Watch, Luna. This is true diplomacy."
Luna glanced between what was currently happening and the intergalactic empire she'd built in her game using purely pacifist strategies. "I--"
"Shh. "
Luna rolled her eyes.
"Thank you, " Twilight brushed herself off as Raven loaded the wagon with the bottles of lemonade. "You mentioned something about a filly as well?"
"Hi yeah it's me again," Gadget peeked out from behind the two (admittedly quite large) jugs of lemonade on the cart. "Might've gotten a little lost."
"Ah."
~~guess what ya hecks this is actually Project Emphenom Numero 五.~~
"--and then it turns out my real dad was some guy named Mister Microwave, and he tried to banish me to a parallel universe because he wanted a son! Didn't work though 'cause I'm still here! "
"You sound surprisingly okay with this, Gadget," Twilight trudged along, pulling the filly in the wagon behind her. Raven trailed behind, carrying a guided missile on her back.
"That's 'cause I am. I didn't even know he was my dad until recently."
"Oh. Okay."
"Soooooo, do you think you can teach me some magic while we're out here truckin' along?"
"Wait--" Twilight stopped. Gadget and the rest of the wagon bumped up against her leg. "Up there, you see that?"
Raven stepped up beside her, squinting. "I believe I do. Is that the Storm King's vessel?"
"Ooh, can I shoot the missile?" Gadget scrambled out of the wagon to Raven's side. "I've always wanted to make something big go boom!"
Twilight stared at Gadget.
Gadget stared back.
"No."
"Awwwwwww."
"Shall I fire the missile myself then?" Raven steadied herself under the weight.
"Also no."
"Dangit."
Gadget glanced at Raven following that utterance. Then she turned her gaze to Twilight. After that, the dot in the sky that was currently occupying Twilight's attention.
"What do you plan to do if we are not using the missile?" Raven asked. "The ship is far out of range of teleportation, and simply flying to it would be unwise given the likelihood of it having anti-air defenses onboard."
The sound of something tearing caught both of their attention.
Gadget looked over her shoulder for a brief second, then resumed her sawing of... nothing?
"What are you..." Twilight stepped to the side for a better view. Gadget had some sort of knife from who-knows-where , and was currently furiously sawing at something. "Gadget? Where'd you get that from?"
"Hm? Oh, this thingy?" she held up the blade. It looked more like a shard of glass than any sort of knife, even down to the faint glimmer it took on in the sunlight from the light it refracted. "Found it. I did say that my banishment failed, didn't I?"
"...Yes?"
Gadget grinned. "Well, this is a little souvenir from that. It's my little piece of the sky."
"Wat."
Raven shook her head, taking the momentary pause in action to sit.
"I mean, I don't really know how to explain it either, soooooo--" Gadget flipped the shard in her hoof a couple of times. "All I know is that I can cut holes in the air with it. And then I can go into those holes, and then I find myself in some weird void place!"
Raven leaned toward Twilight. "In the words of Princess Luna, I believe what she is doing would best be described as 'noclipping out of reality itself' ."
"Exactly! " Gadget cheered. She started on another cut, this time horizontal.
Twilight joined Raven in taking a seat, watching Gadget tear into whatever it was she was cutting.
"...What's it like? In the void, I mean."
Gadget slowed her movements, looking over her shoulder again. Twilight leaned forward intently.
"Well," she tapped the blade against the air. "It's dark, for one. But also kinda cozy in a weird way. Like, it's always the perfect temperature, and I never feel hungry when I'm in there either. There's like, little dots of light all around you, too. If you get close enough to them, you can look through and watch things happen. I have a whole collection if you wanna see!"
"A collection."
"Yup!" Gadget made one final slice before punching the hole open. "Follow me!"
Spike yawned at the table as the grunt continued dripping hot wax on him. It wasn't even painful at this point--not because he'd become numb to it or anything, but because there legitimately was no heat reaching him anymore.
The grunt hummed along as he continued to make his drip-candle on top of Spike.
Twilight backed away from the glowing orb. "Oh. So Spike's perfectly fine then."
Gadget lowered the ethereal object. "Yeah. And I'm pretty sure dragons are fireproof anyway, so it's not like the wax would've done anything to him in the first place."
"Yeah."
"Here's another one!" Gadget set the orb aside and held up another. "This one has a different version of you in it!"
Twilight peered into the ball of light. Sci-Twi immediately locked eyes with her.
"Woah now, don't get too excited," Gadget nudged Twilight back. "These things are like little invisible portals. If you're not careful, you'll go right through 'em!"
"Remind me again why you wanted a guided missile?" Raven looked up from watching the timeline where she was not only the only Raven Inkwell, but also one where she had a sane job.
"To make big things go boom."
Gadget shot Twilight a wide grin and a magically-formed thumbs-up. She tossed the Sci-Twi orb aside and picked back up the one involving Spike. "Anyway, you think we should go help him now?"
"I--"
A shudder rocked the strange realm surrounding them.
Raven groaned. "Oh, what now?"
"Something something parallel universe fight something," Gadget did... something to the glowing ball of light. Kinda looked like a cross between cracking an egg open and throwing a grenade. "What we should be doing right now is getting outta here!"
She fled through the newly-formed portal alongside Twilight and Raven.
"How's the candle going?" Spike rested his chin on the table. "It'd be nice if I had a mirror to see it."
A second grunt entered the room and placed a mirror in front of Spike.
"Oh sweet, thanks."
The grunt saluted before leaving.
"Spike!" Twilight and two far less relevant ponies burst out of the candle on top of his head, splattering everyone with not-so-melted wax. "We're here to save you!"
"M-my candle..." Spike touched the remains of the waxy structure on top of his head. "I sat so still for that! Craig was so careful!" He waved a freshly-issued comic book in the air. "I was treated like a king! "
The grunt nodded with a snort.
Gadget blinked. "Oh. We're the baddies here, aren't we? Might've picked the wrong timeline. Gimme a sec--" She scurried off somewhere to start cutting a hole again.
"Oof! " she cried out from around the corner. "Ohhhhh, hey guys, I found the Storm King!"
The Storm King Mister Sir Big Bossman loomed over the filly. "What do we have here? A stowaway? On my ship?"
Gadget's wide eyes shifted to the jugs of lemonade still sitting on the wagon they'd brought with them. "Actually, I'm not a stowaway! I'm... uh, your supervisor, sent from the kingdom! Don't you know your own handler when you see them?" She pulled a lock of her mane over her muzzle and took on a more nasal voice. "You see Mister The Storm King sir, your higher-ups from home sent me to train you on a new class of weaponry! If you let me free, I can explain it to you. But only if I decide that you are worthy of it. Only the best of my kings can wield it, you see."
"My superior, huh?" The Storm King lifted a brow. "I don't recall you being so... small ."
"I've always been this small ya big doofus," Gadget booped the Storm King on the nose. "You're just remembering wrong. Anyway, I have a question for you before we continue. Why did you have your men kidnap Twilight Sparkle's assistant?"
"Yes. Let's hear it," Twilight stepped out from the room.
"So my superior is in hijinks with the enemy," the Storm King growled. "I see how it is. My country has betrayed me!"
Gadget pulled a jug of lemonade over and uncapped it. "I don't know what you're talking about. You want a sip?"
The Storm King opened an eye mid-overdramatized mock faint.
Gadget continued chugging the entire bottle.
A steely grin spread across his face as he cracked his neck. Gadget backed away a little.
"No."
"Oh nooooooo," Gadget tossed the jug of lemonade aside and floated the second one over. "No lemonade? Are you suuuuuure about that? You must be mighty thirsty up here in the sky. Look around you, do you see any water up here? Surely , you must be feeling a little dehydrated after all that you've done today."
"Nope."
Gadget uncapped this other jug. "Well too bad. Lemonade time ya scrublord."
"WAITWAITWAITWAITWAI--"
Gadget tossed the cap aside and lobbed the entire jug at his face.
"ARARAAAAAAAAAAGH, MY EYES. DEAR SUN AND STARS ABOVE, I'LL END YOU FOR THAT."
Twilight grumbled under her breath as she scooped up the filly and made a run for it. She grabbed Spike and Craig as well. "Raven! Ready the guided missile!" she shouted as she ran past. "Gadget, gimme that knife thing."
Gadget pulled out her little shard of sky from who-knows-where.
"Thanks. Also, please don't blind your opponent with lemonade grenades when they appear willing to talk. I have a vague idea of why Spike might've been kidnapped in the first place, but I highly doubt that we'll know for sure now that the Storm King is bent on killing us."
Gadget wiggled her dangling legs in the air. "You're taking this surprisingly well."
"Touché."
Twilight steadied herself with the blade. "Alright Gadget, I just cut, right? Does it matter what kind of motion I make?"
"Nope! Just like, imagine the cutting. Don't really know how it works either but I know that it does work!"
Twilight took a deep breath before making an X-shaped slash across the air. With a sudden shoom , reality once again tore open to reveal the dark void that lay beneath it all. She glanced one more time at the interior of the ship, then made eye-contact with Raven, who was now using the wagon as a mount for the missile to launch from.
She ducked through the flapping shreds of space, followed by Raven and the wagon.
"Fire!" she shouted behind herself.
A loud shoom marked the launch of the missile as it glided through the tear. Twilight did the best she could to hold the flaps shut against the force of the explosion as all three ponies covered their ears. Despite those efforts, however (I mean, it is a military-spec guided missile), they were sent hurtling deeper into the void.
Thankfully, because this is still somehow a chapter of What If on top of the three being cartoon ponies, no harm came upon them.
Spike rubbed his still waxy head. "Sheesh, did we really have to do that?"
Raven adjusted her cracked glasses. "Well, Twilight did request a guided missile."
"You didn't even use it as a guided missile! You shot it almost point-blank at the inside of the airship! "
Twilight shrugged. "Well, we got you back safely, you made a friend, and I'm pretty sure the Storm King is no more. What downsides are there in what we did?"
~~They all proceeded to get lost in the interdimensional backrooms for the next two days. Oops.~~
Author's Note
Go go gadget... uh, The Spy of the Tiger !
go go gadget?
"Go go gadget reality manipulation !" a disembodied voice rung out across Equestria.
Twilight Sparkle stared at Goatlestia. Piglestia stared back at Twinlight.
"This has to end," Twiglight unfurled her leaf-wings. "Before reality as we know it collapses in on itself!"
"Go go gadget yeet Twilight thousand years banishment."
"A--" Twilight vanished as her essence was dragged down into the shadow realm.
Inspector Gadget continued with his day.
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What is Gadget invented Gadget named Gadgets after Gadget? (PE#6)
Author's Note
Electrix , I see that you have made a grave mistake (typo) in your comment.
You know what comes next.
This version of Gadget is now canonically a slightly-alternate version of Zoey that appears in my incomplete 2023 NaNoWriMo draft of Fractures, where rather than finding her way back to Lisa, she remains lost and makes her way into Equestria instead. I'll post the rest of that someday.
What is Gadget invented Gadget named Gadgets after Gadget? (PE#6)
Gadget tapped her hoof on her desk. What is she, anyway? A pony filly, yes, obviously--but is that it? Is that all she really is?
This could've been so much easier.
She is. Was. Gadget .
Right?
Maybe???
Her taps quickened to a light rap on the desk before she stopped, pushing herself away with a breath for a stretch. The sound of something clattering to the floor caught her attention.
"Mm?" the filly hummed, bending over to pick up her little shard of sky. She must've knocked it off the desk with her sudden movement.
Right.
This shard.
She traced a hoof along its edge. This thing was what got her into this predicament. If she'd just...
She held the makeshift blade out in front of her. Not with her magic, but with her hooves. She held her eyes shut, recalling that moment.
That...
She tensed her hooves, clenching fingers that were no longer there.
Maybe if she could just...
She thought back. She was in the kitchen, opening a can of beans. Lisa was too tired to do anything that night, so she went to heat something up for herself in the meantime.
At some point, she'd lost her balance, fell backward, and...
Darkness .
That was the first time she'd fallen into the void.
She'd... found her way back once or twice, but things were never quite right. Other versions of herself were out there. With different lives.
Gadget opened her eyes, shifting her gaze to the old plushie of Gadget... er, herself sitting in the corner.
Different friends. Even if they were no longer there.
Different families.
Family .
Right.
She has a family, somewhere out there. She... her mom...
Something splattered between her forehooves. She glanced down at the wet splotch beside the sky shard.
So close.
She was so close.
She'd found home . Yet...
Gadget closed her eyes again.
The flowers were beautiful.
She could feel the warmth of her mother's hands, but...
Gadget lifted a hoof, pressing flat against the air. Back then, it felt like she had a chance to return. She could feel the resistance when she pressed back against her mother's hands.
But then, just like now, she in the end passed right through them. A living ghost, not fully present in reality anymore.
At least her mother knows now that she's still alive.
That's what matters most.
It'd been almost a year since then.
She opened her eyes again, drawing the plushie of Gadget closer.
Gadget.
She'd almost forgotten, somehow.
This was meant to be the life of a different her . One who had a father dead-set on her banishment, and a mother whose identity she still didn't know.
That version of her wasn't here anymore. Not physically, at least.
"So, how'd you get in here? Rocket exploded as well?" her words rung out in her mind. She was one of her very first companions in that strange space between worlds. One who'd given up on returning to her home world, because she could no longer exist in that world.
In other words, she was living a dead filly's life.
Or... wait, Gadget was meant to be human in this world, but when she herself entered...
She turned the plushie in her hooves. Once upon a time, it was nothing more than a stuffed animal; a toy she'd made during one of those birthday parties where you customize a plushie. Gadget, the actual Gadget that once lived in this world, took on a form identical to this toy when she herself was once trapped in a foreign world.
The banishment her father had attempted on her had worked . And she died, just short of finding her way back.
And now she was forever trapped in limbo. A guardian of sorts, and a guide when she needed to be.
Gadget... no, Zoey , buried her face in her forelegs. Was she going to die here eventually, too? Unlike Gadget, she already has a tool that can get her in and out of the space between worlds sans rocket explosion.
The issue was that for whatever reason she couldn't fully return home. Something about her had changed, and she was no longer tangible to most things there.
Here, at least, provided that base requirement of physicality. Here, she could eat, and sleep, and make new friends, and...
And feel .
She missed Lisa.
She missed her parents.
Her small frame shuddered under her quiet sobs.
None of this seemed real. She was supposed to be enjoying summer break! And trying out that new weird ice cream flavor that she saw with Lisa! Not... not...
Zoey lifted her head, her teal coat glistening with fresh tears.
The written assignment Twilight had given her to practice her telekinesis on by writing was thoroughly soaked.
All of this was a front.
Posing as a lost little filly who happened to stumble into Ponyville. Taking on her identity and history as her own, just to find a place to call home in the meantime. Night after night she'd been cutting back into that void realm, searching every pinprick of light she could find until hopefully, eventually, she'd find the one that at least led back to Lisa. She didn't even care anymore if Lisa called herself her babysitter! Yeah it sounded weird 'cause she was DEFINITELY not a baby anymore, but she'd take the weirdness for the rest of her life over this.
She even had a collection of those glowing orbs now in that place, just like Gadget before her. Ones that showed funny moments on repeat, some that gave a glimpse into the lives of versions of her that never had the same misfortune. And of course, the crown jewel of the collection was the one that she was certain led back home.
At the very least, she could still find enough fun in interacting with other versions of herself from time to time. She wasn't alone in this, thankfully. Or... un thankfully, she supposed.
She wiped her tears. The Gadget stuck forever in the void was an anomaly as far as she could tell. There were many others like her--either native to or stuck in Equestria, for one reason or another. Of the latter, very few others had the benefit of the sky shard as a tool to traverse with.
Still, at the end of the day, they returned home through portals she cut open.
So what was... is she?
Her former life as Zoey mattered little here.
And so, to continue living, to continue searching, to continue hoping , this invented identity of Gadget is who she is. A Gadget, one of potentially infinitely many versions of the ephemeral concept of "Gadget".
She had to play the part.
Gadget , a human girl banished by a warlock of a father to a version of Earth that she'd never seen. Named by the researchers she was discovered by. Crafty by circumstance, building little namesake gadgets and tools here and there.
Died by instantaneous full-body incineration via engine failure on the eve of what was supposed to be a triumphant return.
Gadget--the real Gadget, told her to enter this world at that exact moment of detonation. To take her place in just a way such that it wouldn't seem like anything had ever occurred.
Neither of them had realized that transformation into a blue unicorn filly would come with that entrance.
But, she had to make do with what she had.
Has .
Zoey... no, Gadget , rubbed her eyes. She stood up from her chair and paced to the mirror Twilight had provided.
It was weird seeing herself like this. Bits and pieces of her were still there. That high ponytail she liked to wear--she liked to call it a 'roostertail' for the way it looked, the color of her eyes...
That was it.
Her dark brown hair was now a curly dirty blonde. Where there was once human skin, there was now the fuzzy coat of an Equestrian filly.
She opened her mouth, checking her teeth again. Pony teeth there, nothing different from yesterday.
She lit her horn, watching her own reflection shimmer for a moment before disappearing, replaced by an illusion. An effigy of herself, puppeteered by her own awkward attempts to balance on her hind legs.
In this universe, this was the closest she could possibly get to her old body.
She fell back to all fours with a sigh and let the illusion dissipate.
Maybe one day she'd tell Twilight the real reason she was so late to learning even basic spells.
Maybe.
Gadget forced a wide grin. The version of herself she imitated day after day was even more spontaneous and happy-go-lucky than she herself was even before all of this happened. Came with being a native to a world filled with magic pastel ponies, she supposed.
She let the grin fade back into the tired face she'd been wearing since nightfall.
Tomorrow will be another long day of living a lie.
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all of the light produced by Luna's gaming moon made it so that nobody could get any sleep (resulting in Twilight being extra delirious while writing this chapter)?
Author's Note
epiccuttlefish has an epic gamer setup.
all of the light produced by Luna's gaming moon made it so that nobody could get any sleep (resulting in Twilight being extra delirious while writing this chapter)?
"Twiiiii ligiiiiiight!" Spike ran into the room, his eyes baggy from being unable to sleep for the entirety of his life no thanks to the constant blaze of glorious RGB coming from the moon up above. "TWIIIIIILIIIIIIIIGHT!"
"what." twilight turned her head with the grace and finesse of a squeaky door hinge.
"Did you know that the author of this story is writing this whole chapter with his eyes closed to keep with the spirit of the prompt?" Spike asked.
"No, I didn't know that. Why would he do that? Is he crazy?"?
"Crazy?" Spike lifted a brow. "You were crazy once."
"They put me in a rubber room," Twilight muttered as she raised her hooves to her head. "A rubber room. A Rubber room filled with rats. And rats made me crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a room. A rubber room, a rubber room filled with--"
"PINGAS@" Spike cut in, putting an end to Twilight's rambling.
~~oh wow I actually wrote most of that without error. Neat.~~
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Gadget didn't know who her mother was, because her mother was a secret agent off on a prolonged mission abroad? (PE#7)
Author's Note
I see you have caught on to my dastardly plans, Scyphi !
I shall continue to build out this pseudo-author universe within the chapters of What If with Gadget at its center.
Gadget didn't know who her mother was, because her mother was a secret agent off on a prolonged mission abroad? (PE#7)
"It's nice having hands again."
Gadget--the original Gadget, turned her head. "Hm? Oh, yeah, having fingies are reaaaal nice for some stuff. I'm still used to being a tiny magic horse though."
Zoey glanced at Gadget, then back to her (admittedly terrible) stitching work on her plushie.
"I mean it. Remember? When I was stuck in a different world myself, I was also stuck as a pony! I didn't even know I was supposed to be human until I learned about my mom and dad."
"How did you learn about them, anyway?" Zoey set the needle and thread aside. "You said that the rocket exploded before you even made it back to Equestria."
Gadget shrugged, flickering for a moment into her human form. It was a little jarring the first few times to see who was effectively an identical clone of herself, but at this point, Zoey had gotten used to the phenomenon. "Spent a ton of time wandering around in here, I guess. At one point I saw a version of me rocket through this place and steer directly into one of those little lights around here. Decided to follow her in to see what it was like, and..."
She blew a raspberry. "My dad sucks . He's crazy and I'm glad he's locked up. I guess not so much for me as it is for you and all the other Gadgets out there. Y'know? How's it going living my life, by the way? I try to watch every now and then but I kinda get distracted."
Zoey was the one to shrug this time. "It's going, I guess. Feels weird being on all fours and stuff, but Twilight takes care of me and teaches me magic. It's kinda like how it was with me and Lisa before everything happened. She's like, a cross between acting like Lisa and my mom."
"Have you tried looking for your supposed mom in Equestria yet?"
Zoey lifted a brow. "N-no, not yet. Is she like your dad?"
"Don't know, I never found her either. The other version of me that did make it through alive got wrapped up in this whole thing with Queen Celestia wanting a helicopter or whatever. I stopped keeping up with her after a while 'cause nothing really happened after that. The other other version of me that also made it through sorta just left things at 'oh, my dad is an evil wizard guy, okay' and went on with her new life. I think if you ever decided to find out then you might be the first."
Zoey lowered her gaze back to the not-quite-repaired Gadget plushie in her lap.
"Where we headed, Twi?" Gadget bounced around Twilight. "Spike told me that we're going on the train today!"
"Fillydelphia," Twilight hummed. "We're supposed to be meeting up with someone to get some information passed along. Celestia's orders."
Gadget looked around. "How come Spike isn't coming? He's your assistant. I was gonna spend today in the library..."
"It's a low-stakes thing. I figured that since Spike's already been with me before on stuff like this and you're my student, you'd may as well come along and see how things work. Just remember, on this trip, your name is Aspen , not Gadget. I'll take care of everything else."
Gadget leaned back in her seat. "This could've been an email."
"E...mail?" Twilight tilted her head.
"Er, nothing, don't worry about it," Gadget climbed onboard.
"Is something bugging you, Gadget?"
Gadget stared out the window. "Y'know how I said that I found out my dad was some bad guy who tried to banish me?"
Twilight scooted closer, her wings faintly rustling under the binder she was now wearing. "Yeah. You said that he failed to banish you to another world, didn't you? It's how you got that strange knife."
Gadget nodded. "You can think of it as like, a piece of the mirror portal in a way. I got sent somewhere far, far away after that, and then after a long time I finally found my way here to Ponyville."
"Tough filly, that's for sure," Twilight pat her on the head. "So what's got you down in the dumps? It can't just be that you wanted to be in the library all day, you're the sort of filly who likes to do things with her own two hooves."
Gadget rocked her head with the train's vibrations. Would Twilight believe her if she said that the real Gadget did get banished, and died in a world that wasn't her own? That the Gadget she was talking to was herself a human girl searching for a way back home?
"I never knew my mom," she fibbed.
"And here's the pack of cards you wanted me to pick up on the way," Twilight passed along a nondescript pack of playing cards. "The joker looks a little funny in my opinion."
Gadget looked between Twilight and the... human woman, who took the cards and slipped them into a pocket in her coat. A flicker of recognition passed through her mind as she locked eyes with her.
"Who is the little one?" the woman gestured toward her. "You adopt new daughter in past year?"
"I--"
"Yeah," Twilight cut in. "She's a little slow learning unicorn magic since she missed out on magic kindergarten, but she tries her best."
The woman glanced at Gadget again, then back to Twilight. She idly picked at the remaining food on her plate. "You raise her well. She is good filly. I can feel it."
This woman talks like her mother.
Twilight laughed. "Yeah, she is. A bit of a rascal sometimes with the shenanigans she gets into, but she's young. She can afford to make mistakes from time to time."
Was this all just an act, like what Twilight was doing?
"I will admit," the woman speared another piece of chicken on her fork. "It is a long time since I have lived in Equestria. What is it like there now?"
"Can't say myself, I don't know that place very well either. I hear that the nesting birds on the mountains may be leaving soon."
"Ah, such a shame. You say birds like plural? There is another one?"
It had to be an act. It was just a coincidence that the accents matched. That this woman had the same dark hair.
"One with darker feathers, yes," Twilight nodded. "Aspen here once snuck into their roost, in fact!"
The mention of her false name broke Gadget's train of thought. "Mmm?" she finally took her gaze off the woman and instead directed it at Twilight. "Something about me?"
"Just saying you have a habit of popping up in places I didn't expect," Twilight pointed at her plate. "Finish up your spaghetti, we'll be heading out soon."
"Who was that lady, by the way?"
"One of our foreign agents," Twilight untied the band holding down her wings. Spike plodded by and scooped it up to take to the laundry. "She used to live in Canterlot for a while before she was dispatched on an extended mission. I had to pass her some information in a way that wouldn't be intercepted, so that's why we took a trip all the way out to a border town just to eat at a restaurant."
Gadget remained silent.
"Did... you happen to recognize her?"
A nod.
Twilight blinked. "Well, before she left, she did have a child with another..." she glanced at Gadget, making a quiet "oh ".
It wasn't even necessarily about the fact that the real Gadget's mom was probably a spy for Equestria. It was that flicker of recognition itself--a little reminder of who she remained unable to reach.
Though that made things quite awkward regarding the circumstances around Gadget's dad considering how her own father was just some office worker guy who very much didn't try to banish her.
Still.
She thought back to the flowers her mother--her real mother--left behind at the pit where it all began.
She remembered how she tried to brush her hand up against her mother's.
The flowers were beautiful.
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Equestria's magic system was fundamentally altered? (PE#8)
"Spike?" Twilight's muffled voice came from behind the door, followed by a few brisk knocks. "Spike, you in there?"
"Yeah, Gadget too. Something up?"
The doorknob rattled a little, coinciding with a groan of frustration before Twilight opened the door. She eyed her assistant, withdrawing her teeth from the doorknob as she cleared her throat. "Yes. Something's very up , to put it simply. I think you can guess why I opened the door the way I did."
"You suddenly took a liking to the flavor of brass?" Spike lifted his brow with a smirk.
"Now's not the time for jokes, Spike."
"Sorry."
Twilight glanced at Gadget. "Just to confirm before I say anything more, do you feel any different?"
Gadget slowly shook her head, still sucking from the juice box in her hooves.
Twilight pursed her lips before letting out a sigh. "Regardless of how it may or may not impact others, this morning I woke up without any access to my magic. It's like it just... I guess, vanished , for lack of a better explanation."
"Maybe you bonked your horn on something?" Gadget pulled the juice box away. She gave the empty container a light shake before returning her attention to Twilight. "Ooh, or maybe you caught a cold or something! Sometimes when I'm sick I feel achy and weak all over."
"Gadget."
"Yeah?"
Twilight stepped past Spike, crouching down beside her. "How are you..." she tilted her head with a frown, inspecting the juice box in Gadget's hoof. "Gadget, can you drop the juice box and pick it up again with your hooves?"
"Ooo...kay?" Gadget did as she was told. The juice box clattered to the floor, only for her to effortlessly pick it up again. "What, can you not even grip stuff with your hooves?"
Twilight shook her head.
"Weird. "
"Weird indeed," Twilight offered her hoof. "Can I try?"
Gadget handed (hoofed?) over the juice box. Just as expected, Twilight held it without issue.
"I--whuh?" Twilight pulled back, juice box still in her grasp. She looked between her hoof and Gadget. "I've been trying all morning to pick things up. Give me a moment--" she set the container on the floor and fled the room.
"Usual Twilight morning, you think?" Spike elbowed Gadget. "Or do you think something's actually up?"
Gadget shrugged. "I mean, this is Twilight we're talking about. Usually if she's freaking out about something then there's a good reason why. She said something about not being able to use her magic, so..."
She focused on the juice box in front of her, feeling for that flow of energy to envelop her horn and connect with her target.
Nothing came.
Maybe it was a fluke? She tried concentrating harder, though that creeping feeling surrounding Twilight's words continued to echo in her mind.
Nothing happened.
"Huh," she picked up the juice box in her hooves again. "So I guess magic is kinda wonky right now."
Twilight rushed back in. "Alright, I just tried grabbing multiple items across a range of shapes, sizes, and weights, and all I could reliably pick up and hold were juice boxes. Gadget, you mind coming with me?"
"I'll be in here if you need me," Spike waved the two off without a glance, his face already hidden in a comic.
"Open the fridge."
Gadget opened the refrigerator door, staring back at Twilight with furrowed brows.
"Ooo-kay," Twilight pushed the door shut. "Couldn't get a proper grip to do that myself earlier without having to wrap my hoof around the handle. Can you try grabbing an orange out of the fruit basket now? I wasn't able to myself."
Gadget paced across the kitchen to the fruit basket and reached for an orange. Yet, for whatever reason, it seemed as if the surface of the orange was... slippery? Kind of like a wet bar of soap. She pushed it aside and instead pulled a banana from the basket.
"Alright, I think I'm starting to get a bit of an idea of what's happening," Twilight rubbed her chin. "Close your eyes. I want to try something. Hold out your hooves over the countertop."
Gadget shut her eyes and lifted her hooves.
"Okay," Twilight's voice began, "I've rolled two fruits under your hooves. Mix them up first when I say so. One of them I could pick up, and the other I couldn't. I won't say which is which, and whatever fruit it is that you can't pick up, I want you to keep trying to pick it up until we open our eyes. Ready?"
Gadget nodded.
"Alright, my eyes are closed. Feel free to shuffle the fruits. Let me know when you've picked up one of them."
Gadget nudged the two fruits around. Both of them felt about the same in shape and texture as she rolled them around, though... she picked up the fruit under her left hoof by its stem without issue. The one on the right, comparatively, had seemingly transformed into a slippery sphere that she couldn't quite get a grip on. Still, this was what she'd been told to expect.
"Ready."
"Alright, open your eyes."
Gadget did exactly that, peering down now at the two...
Apples.
"I thought you said that you couldn't pick one of them up," Gadget lifted the second apple with ease now. "Weren't they going to be two different fruits?"
"Nope. They were the same fruit the entire time, and I in fact lied. I couldn't pick up either apple. You wanna know what I'm thinking?"
Gadget felt both apples begin to slip a little at the mention of her mentor being unable to lift either fruit. "What?"
"Magic seems to be very, if not entirely, perception-based now. You felt those apples slip a little just now, didn't you?"
"...Yeah."
"Let's repeat the experiment, except this time I'm not going to close my eyes. I want you to tell me if it's easier or harder to pick up the fruits. Both of these fruits are ones that I could pick up."
"Is that another lie?"
"No."
Gadget gave a small nod, returning the apples to the table and closing her eyes. She heard Twilight fiddling with the fruit basket again before two quiet thumps marked the placement of the new fruits.
"Okay."
She reached down and shuffled the fruits. Their textures were noticeably different this time, as was their shape. Yet, when she attempted to pick them up, she could feel their rougher exteriors slide past her hooves in a way that they definitely shouldn't have. Still, with some effort, she picked both of them up.
"Alright, open your eyes."
Gadget opened her eyes. Dangling in each hoof was a persimmon.
"Did you find it easier or harder to pick these up?" Twilight cocked her head.
"A... little harder," Gadget placed the fruits back on the table. If magic was based on perception now, then was Twilight's watching or not watching of what was happening affect things?
"Alrighty, so to begin, sorry, I had to lie again to hopefully keep you from doubting what I was saying. I couldn't pick up either of those persimmons either. I knew this, but I take it that you trusted my word when I said that I could pick them up?"
Gadget gave a slow nod. She also made a mental note that Twilight was excellent at gaslighting in monotone and shouldn't necessarily be trusted if she were to be part of another one of Twilight's experiments.
"Again, apologies. Had to do it for the sake of the experiment. But I believe that what we've just done is strengthening my suspicions about this whole 'perception' basis that magic, or at least the innate magic that lets us pick stuff up with our hooves, apparently operates on. That first time, I couldn't see what you were doing, and until you were done I did everything I could to not even think about the experiment by purposely getting a song stuck in my head. That way, I could isolate my own perception from yours as much as possible. And then, for the second run, you mentioned that it felt a little harder, right?"
"Yeah."
"Can you describe how?"
"Well," Gadget rolled one of the persimmons around on the countertop. "I could feel their dried stems on top, but at the same time, it felt weirdly slippery given the roughness."
"I can't say for certain," Twilight reached for the other persimmon and picked it up herself--after accidentally dropping it a couple of times. "But , I think in that case, our shared preconceptions of what would happen--that is, you expecting to be able to pick them up without issue, and my own personal experience in being unable to do so, may have averaged out."
Author's Note
~~it's almost 2 am I'm heading to bed now. part 2 in PE#9: "What if magic now drew energy from a newly-discovered energy field?" maybe~~
Spike ate The Elements Of Harmony?
Author's Note
Starkice should've put the ~~cookie~~ Elements jar a little higher up.
Spike ate The Elements Of Harmony?
"Youwhatnow."
"I eated them," Spike burped. "Ate. Consumed. Molecularly dissolved them with my own biological processes."
Twilight groaned. Teaching Spike big words was a mistake.
"And why did you eat the Elements of Harmony?"
Spike smirked as a glow enveloped his eyes. He lifted off the floor, hovering silently above the alicorn. Twilight stepped back, eyes wide with concern. With that much power, the little dragon could do just about anything . He could rewrite reality according to his every whim, or become the Anti-Discord, or--
"Because I wanted to, " Spike's voice boomed in a way that no voice should ever boom. The land trembled with his every word as he teleported both himself and Twilight outside.
"But what about the villains of Equestria?" Twilight pointed at the yet-again returning Storm King attempting to kidnap Spike with an extra-long mechanical grabby arm.
Without even turning, Spike clenched the arm in his fist and yanked the airship to the ground. It hit with a fiery burst, enveloping half of the Everfree Forest in an inferno.
"Spike, what about the fo--"
A phantom finger apparated over her lips as the ~~neigh~~nigh-omnipotent Spike shushed her. "Watch, young Twilight."
He turned, vaguely gesturing in the general direction of the forest. Dark clouds gathered overhead upon his command, unloading within mere seconds a year's worth of rain and snowfall.
The ground once again began to rumble. Twilight's eyes shrunk to pinpricks at the sight of the incoming tsunami created by Spike over the Everfree. She sucked in a breath, unfurling her wings in preparation to take on the unexpected percipitation.
Except the water didn't come.
Twilight glanced back at Spike, who now pointed up to the sky with a claw. All the water and all the snow that'd fallen just moments prior fell upwards now, as if attracted gravitationally by some unseen celestial body hanging above them.
"Spike this is getting worrying. Is that still you in there?"
"I am present, " Spike's voice boomed in polytone. "Across all planes of reality, I am present. You will find me reading comics in your palace, young one. "
Twilight threw open the door, rushing into Spike's room. Her sights fell on the crumbs of the Elements of Harmony that he was picking off his table and eating like popcorn.
"Oh, hey Twi," Spike munched on his snack. "Eating the Elements. Something happen?"
"Youwhatnow."
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Twilight discovered the 4th wall, and time-looped all of reality using the Time-Twirler™?
Author's Note
Electrix is in for a very loopy time!
Twilight discovered the 4th wall, and time-looped all of reality using the Time-Twirler™?
Twilight straightened out her Very Official Government Documents. Today was a tax day kind of day, except she was the one receiving the taxes. Of course, she also paid her taxes too. Using the tax money that she collected, of course.
Clink.
"Mm?" Twilight peeked under the stack of documents at the translucent blade that dropped out. Apparently some one wasn't nearly as organized as she said she was.
Twilight glanced at the door. Then out the window behind her. Gadget was outside doing something with the CMC.
She pretended not to hear the jackhammer sounds coming from their general location as she turned her attention back to the shard.
She also pretended not to hear Apple Bloom yelling about finding oil directly under the castle.
Twilight gingerly picked up the shard with her magic. How was this supposed to work again? Just... cut?
She drove it forward in a stabbing motion. Sure enough, the very tip of the blade vanished, slicing cleanly through the normally intangible fabric of reality.
"Oi mate, ya got a license for that?" a muffled voice came from behind where she'd stabbed the knife into. A hoof punched through from the other side, sending the blade flying barely past Twilight's face and out the window. The hoof tore the hole wider to reveal one of Gadget's incarnations. "Come with me if you want to live."
"Hu--"
Other Gadget pulled Twilight in right as her castle burst into flames no thanks to it becoming covered in oil. Blame Scootaloo and her angle grinder. (Don't worry, Spike's fine. He's fireproof from all the asbestos he's eaten.)
"Told ya. Now what the heck were you doin' with that sky shard thingy?" Gadget dusted herself off. "Were you trying to come in here and influence fate? 'Cause if you were then I'ma have to fight you. I ain't the guardian of this place for no reason after all. Aside from being dead, I mean."
"Uhhhhhhhhhh."
Gadget rubbed her chin. "I see, confused tourist it is." She grabbed Twilight by the hoof. "Come, come! If you're here to look around ya gotta see this!"
"See... wh..." Twilight slowed her steps, lagging behind Gadget. "Woah."
She stared at these exact words being written from the other side of the page. And these ones, too. In fact, she watched herself write out these words as they went through her mind.
...
...
Wait, did that mean that she had no free will? That she, Gadget, and everyone else that she knew was merely a puppet bending to the machinations of another, higher Twilight that dictated their very being?
"Woah," the Twilight Sparkle writing this chapter leaned back in her seat after writing that. "Spike, how's this look? Pretty good for something written out of boredom, yeah?"
Spike gave a silent thumbs-up beside her before stealing a cookie off the conveniently located plate of cookies he'd brought in to share.
"TWILIGHT! TWI-LIGHT!" Pinkie Pinkie'd into this chapter. "Twilight! It's been so long since I've managed to sneak around the author and get into this place! How're you doin?"
Twilight shrunk away in shock from ME! PINKIE! Here, Twi! Leavin' you a present! See ya!
*keyboard clattering noises*
Ahem.
Twilight stared at the large box now sitting in front of her. As did Twilight and Gadget within the sub-story of this chapter. As well as the Twilight that's presumably writing about Twilight writing about Twilight in this chapter. And the Twilight--
Get on with it you doofus.
Twilight opened the box and pulled out a weird helical device. There was nothing on it except for a singular button.
The sky shard from all the way back two scenes ago fell through the ceiling and hit the button.
After many years of studying in the Royal Canterlot Archives, Twilight finally closed the cover of the final book. She set her head down gently, and sighed, "Finally, the last book." She got up, and pushed her chair in. She ignored the little blue unicorn filly clambering into the seat immediately after.
A few minutes later, she stepped outside. It had been weeks since she had seen the sun, and even longer since she'd touched grass. It almost made her want... want to build a machine for it...
A weird helical device fell from the sky and clocked her on the skull.
Sammy, Zoey, Caleb, and Brodie were trapped. That was pretty much the whole story. Trapped. In a web. Surrounded by zombies. In a foreign universe. Trapped. Sammy was using--
"Ewwwww, who wrote this trash?" Twilight belched as she shoved the old manuscript aside. "It stinks of middleschoolerisms!"
Unfortunately, shoving the manuscript aside caused it to tip over and off the table, where it fell in just the right way to hit a certain button on a certain device hereby dubbed the Time-Twirler™.
Twilight blinked, staring down at the chapter she was currently writing.
"What the f
"Hey look, Sweetie! We've struck oil! We're gonna get our cutie marks in becoming wealthy oil barons!"
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magic now drew energy from a newly-discovered energy field? (PE#9)
Author's Note
hey hey remember PE#1 ? yeah, this thing builds on top of that :V
also incorporates the slime study because I am on a ROLL tonight with lore integration .
also also, WOAH what is this? Celestia acting like a proper mentor for once? Celly and Twily in the same room together without a single mention of the latter being disgracefully expelled for medical reasons???
magic now drew energy from a newly-discovered energy field? (PE#9)
"...And you're saying that you've been aware of this event happening for years in advance."
Celestia sipped her tea, carefully lowering the cup back to the table with her hooves. "Yes."
Twilight planted both hooves on the same table. "Why didn't you tell me? Ponyville is in utter chaos right now over--"
"Calm down, Twilight, you're shaking the tea," Celestia... lit her horn and pushed Twilight back. "We had to keep things under wraps for national security reasons. The general populace might not have seen it coming, but our military has been well aware of and preparing for this event the entire time. Do you know what would happen if our adversaries learnt that within some set amount of time, one of the core aspects of how our society functions would undergo a fundamental shift in mechanics?"
Twilight lowered her gaze, responding only with a slight nod.
"Still," she began, "as one of the Princesses of Equestria, shouldn't I have been informed about this upcoming event?"
Celestia leaned back in her seat, her eyes wandering toward the ceiling. "I forgot."
"E-excuse me? "
"I forgor 💀" Celestia repeated. This time, with passion! "I don't believe you were even a Princess yet at the time of discovery, and with you ruling the Ponyville autonomous region, an enclave within Equestria proper, it simply slipped my mind that you hadn't been told yet."
"Oh."
Celestia clapped her hooves together. "Anyway! About the reason why I invited you back here. You saw that I was drinking my tea again, yes?"
"...Yeah?"
She lit her horn and poured out another cup, sliding it across the table. "Have a sip. You'll find that its properties are rather potent."
Twilight lifted a brow, but took the cup nonetheless. Having practiced the other day in training her expectations helped tremendously in preventing her from spilling the hot tea all over herself. It was strange, though, needing to rely purely on blind expectation for what could happen in order to force what would happen. It seemed so counterintuitive, given that expectations themselves tended to be molded by observation and not the other way around.
She stared into the cup, watching curls of steam rise away from the surface of the liquid.
Wasn't this violating causality in some way?
"I promise you, there's nothing wrong with the tea," Celestia's voice cut through her thoughts. "This is simply an exercise to introduce you to one of our discoveries in recent years."
Twilight glanced up at her former mentor, then back down to the cup. She took a tentative sip. "I don't feel any different," she pulled the cup away. "Was there meant to be..."
She looked around. Celestia had vanished.
"...Princess?" Twilight stood up, teacup still floating gently in her magic. She paced toward the door. "Celestia, I'm not a filly anymore. This isn't funny--"
Celestia slid open the door, a soft smirk forming across her face. "Guess what."
"Hu--" Twilight finally noticed the teacup hovering in her aura just as the magenta glow began to sputter out. "Wait wait wait, I--"
Celestia caught the cup in her own magic before it hit the floor. "You finally used your magic again for the first time since it disappeared, even though during that initial disappearance you were already expecting it to work?"
"Yes."
The teacup floated down in front of her, bobbing gently in the golden glow of Celestia's magic. "It's in the tea. Sometime after our earliest observations of the ability to influence probability, we discovered that it was tied to a previously undetected field that seems to have abruptly sprung into existence. My top researchers tell me that they're still hard at work trying to figure out the origin of this field and what spurned its creation, but most relevant to our discussion today is how it behaves."
Twilight took the cup in her hooves again and took another sip. "Behaves? You've already found a way to directly interact with the field?"
Celestia tilted her head a little as she made a face. "Ehhhh, not quite . What we have discovered is that this field appears to have ripple , in a sense. Peaks and troughs made up of fluctuations in energy within the field itself. These ripples remain somewhat localized to Equestria for whatever reason, but they can interact with matter in rather interesting ways. Do you remember that slime that you and Fluttershy caught and studied?"
"Yeeeesss?"
"A number of them have been found in and around Canterlot as well. Not only that, but we have unintentionally synthesized them in our lab during occasions when a ripple passes through. We believe that the excess energy carried by the peaks is imbued into matter that it passes through. And when that matter is living , such as a puddle with a large population of water-borne organisms, it seems to give rise to mutant beings created almost entirely of magic. Can you guess what is in your te--"
"Slimes." Twilight took a sip. "You steeped slimes in the tea and extracted whatever energy it is that was imbued into it by the ripples." She paused, swirling the tea around a little before taking another sip. "And I assume that that excess energy is what allowed me to momentarily use my magic again?"
"Well put, my faithful student."
Celestia was half cake and half ghost?
Author's Note
To make up for the sore lack of extremely OOC Celestia in the previous chapter, KorokuRain13 here has ordered Celestia to be transformed into both cake and a ghost! A ghoooooost caaaaake!
Celestia was half cake and half ghost?
Celestia knocked on the doors of the royal kitchen. "Helloooooo, is my cake ready? I'm starvin' here!"
A tired looking stallion peeked out the door at Celestia, grunted something, and disappeared back inside. As for the Princess herself, she began tapping her hoof in wait.
The door opened again. A single hoof stuck out, beckoning for her to enter.
"Ah, here we go!" Celestia pranced inside. "I've been waiting for this cake all morning! I tried to special order it from Pinkie and get Twilight to deliver it for me, but she said something about 'travel time' and 'financial compensation'. So, you all have the honors of... baking..." her steps slowed as she took in the band of frowning faces around her.
"...it."
She stared at the frosting gun with 'cakemogrifyer' hastily scrawled across it.
"Heyyyyy, we're all friends here now, yeah?" she leaned against the counter as she forced a grin. "Just one big merry band of ponies who like food! Some of us love to make it, and some of us love to eat it!"
"If you love food so much, why don't you become it?"
Celestia flattened her lips. "Exactly as I feared."
"And so you were transformed into cake and immediately thrown out the window, where a convenient band of hyenas tore you to shreds."
"Yup."
Cakethulhu, patron god of cakes, loomed over Celestia. "And because you were a cake for a tiny minutia of time, you now claim that you should be allowed into cake heaven ."
Celestia wiped her drool with a cake hoof. "Yes! I'd love to ea--er, meet my fellow cakes!"
Cakethulhu simply shook its cake head and banished her back to the mortal realm.
"OoooooOOoOOooooOooooooo, I'm the ghost of cake's paaaaaaast! You will place a cake on the sacrificial alterrrrrrr!"
"Sister, please," Luna groaned, pointing her controller at Celestia's cake-y apparition. "kindly shut up. I'm not interested in your weird ghost cake cannibalism ritual."
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Ocellus actually became a successor to Chrysalis, I'm talking full on evil, full changeling potential, and enslaves everyone but her friends and fellow changelings
Author's Note
Welcome to the crazy train, Thermonuclearcurrencies !
Ocellus actually became a successor to Chrysalis, I'm talking full on evil, full changeling potential, and enslaves everyone but her friends and fellow changelings
"What happened to you?" Smolder wheezed, bracing herself against the walking stick she'd long since grown accustomed to relying upon. "Ocellus, answer me! What. Happened? "
A sickly smile snaked its way across the changeling queen's face. "Simple; I became stronger. More..." her wings buzzed for a moment. "Confident. Is that really all that bad?"
"Look around you, Ocellus! You're a tyrant! You brought Equestria to its knees from the inside out, and for what--power? Is that all you want?"
Ocellus stood up from her throne, towering nearly twice the height of Smolder herself. "Twilight Sparkle taught us that friendship is magic , didn't she? And so I thought--if I have all the friends in the world, then surely that means that I would have all the magic, too."
Smolder gestured her free arm at a chain of ponies waiting by the door, their hooves shackled and platforms mounted to their backs. "You say friends , but does that really look like a friendship to you?"
"Hmmmmmm," Ocellus turned her head with a sickening crackle of chitin against chitin. A low chuckle rose from her. "I don't know, does it? "
One of the chained ponies' eyes lit up upon sensing the changeling's gaze. "T-truly the best friend in the world! I would die for Ocellus if it means she can be happy for just another day!"
"And there you have it," Ocellus grinned. "Straight from the horse's mouth. And I pinkie promise that no magic was involved to make them say that."
Her eyes flit to Smolder's injured leg, then to the fresh bruises covering her body. "I see the guards didn't treat you kindly. I'll ensure they're... reminded appropriately when this is over of how to treat my esteemed guests of honor. As for that leg... I recall that happened some three? Four years ago?"
"Five ," Smolder spat. "You had the gall to call yourself a student of Twilight Sparkle, yet what did you do? You brought the school down on the heads of your classmates. We thought at first that you weren't at fault. That it was some freak accident. But under that protective bubble you made as the building fell on top of us, you pushed out anyone that wasn't us . And all the while when you did that, half of my leg was caught outside of the bubble, crushed by debris. I saw your glowing up before the building came down, Ocellus. I... I thought it was to create the bubble."
"And it was," Ocellus bowed her head. "You're welcome, by the way."
"But your horn was already lit long before the bubble formed."
"That's unrelated."
"What do you plan to do with all this power, anyway?"
That same grin from before returned in full force.
"You'll see. "
~~man this thing fell apart near the end~~
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Luna called the Ghostbusters to get rid of Ghost Cake Celestia?
Author's Note
Believe it or not, GodzillaOneTrueKing , I have never watched even a single Ghostbusters movie in my life. 💀💀💀
I'm vaguely aware of the ghost in a can thing and that's about it as far as my knowledge goes lol. Also, welcome aboard the crazy train!
Luna called the Ghostbusters to get rid of Ghost Cake Celestia?
Ghost Cake Celestia screeched from inside the can. "IN THE NAME OF CAKETHULHU, I'M CURSING YOU TO THE MOON AGAIN. YOU HEAR ME? LET ME OUTTA HERE!"
Luna quietly picked up the can, saluted the Ghostbusters as they left the castle, and handed it to Discord.
Celestia was never seen or heard from ever again by the way. Luna's now the One True Princess to Rule Them All.
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Project Emphenom #10.1 (scrapped version of PE#10)
Zoey swung her legs over the ledge. "Thanks for letting me hang around here all the time, by the way. It's nice being able to travel back to someplace where I can actually be myself , y'know?"
"Don't sweat it. I'll be here for a long, long time," Gadget responded from above. "Maybe even forever, for all I know..."
Zoey leaned backward, staring up at Gadget in her human form as she waved down at her. Her smile visibly wavered with her movement.
"You feeling okay, Gadget?" Zoey climbed back to her feet. "You don't usually sit all the way up there on the roof like that."
"To be completely honest, not really. Do you mind if I maybe vent a little?"
"Shoot."
Gadget climbed down from the roof, flickering between forms for a moment before settling as a pony beside Zoey. "So, you know how I'm... well, dead? "
Man is that a way to start a conversation.
"Yeah?"
"And you know how there's practically an infinite number of us in existence out there?"
Zoey blinked. "...Yeah?"
Gadget leaned back, staring into the speckled abyss that surrounded them. "How come it's only ever you and me in here? Surely, if there's an infinite number of us, then there should be an infinite number of mes here, talking to an infinite number of yous . But no, it's just the two of us. A while back there was another version of you that came by. Helped her get in and out of a few different universes. She found her mom as well, just like you, and also discovered that she couldn't quite go back the same way. The difference is, she found her way back to Lisa."
Zoey's eyes widened. "You--er, she made it back?"
"Yeah. I figured that because that'd happened, I'd be seeing a lot more versions of you passing through. Yet, here we are, sitting in some space outside of any singular reality, alone."
"I... guess that's a little weird, yeah."
"I don't like staying here, Zoey. I know I don't really have any other choice, but like, why am I the one in here? Am I the only version of us that's died and gotten trapped in here? Do you know how long it's been? How long it took before I finally started seeing other versions of myself after I woke up in here?"
Zoey leaned away a little from the ranting filly. "Er. A long time, I'm guessing."
Gadget took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she fell backward onto the porch. "You know, I built this place all by myself. There were scattered rocket guts all over the place when I came to, just sorta... drifting around . It took a pretty long time I think, but I figured out first and foremost how to make, like, the ground ."
"What." Zoey wrinkled her brow. "You made the ground? "
"Righto. Actually, you don't know, do you? About how stuff really works in here?"
Zoey shook her head.
"I don't really know for sure either, but it's kinda like magic. Just a little bit. See--" she outstretched a hoof, seemingly calling to her one of the glowing proto-portal orbs. "Like magic. When I first came into here, there wasn't really any floor or ceiling or anything . I was drifting around for a long time, but then I thought, 'what if I just wish really hard for there to be something to stand on', and boom. Floor."
She hopped up and ran off the porch onto the ground around them. "See? Before there wasn't even gravity!"
Author's Note
woah, first-ever scrapped PE chapter. gonna post it anyway 'cause whatever
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post-mortem existential dread leading to 4th wall-shattering ramifications? (PE#10)
Zoey swung her legs over the ledge, her plushie sitting in her lap after finally being mended. "Thanks for letting me hang around here all the time, by the way. It's nice being able to travel back to someplace where I can actually be myself , y'know?"
"Don't sweat it. I'll be here for a long, long time," Gadget's face peeked out from above the overhang. A flicker ran across her face. "Maybe even forever, for all I know."
She slipped back from the edge, metallic thumps ringing out as she climbed down from her perch.
"You ever wonder why we're the only ones here? Like--" Gadget stepped out from the inside of her little scrap hut, dusting off her hands. "If I'm here because I'm... well, dead , and you're here because of a similar freak accident, then how come there aren't more of us constantly popping up in here?"
Zoey glanced down at her little shard of sky, inspecting the ethereal blade in her hands. "Sometimes. Though, where I'm living now I'm usually all bogged down having to think about stuff like spellcasting and whatever." She set it aside. "Is something up? You usually don't ask stuff like that."
"Just wondering, I guess. Though..." Gadget sat down beside her counterpart, tucking her legs in her arms. "It does get lonely in here. I know it probably wasn't the case for you, but I was so happy when you dropped into here at first. Like, sure , I can pop into all those different worlds and stuff if I want to, but I think you already know well what it's like for me when I do."
Zoey nodded along. "Like a ghost."
"I am a ghost," Gadget flattened her lips. "In every sense of the word. I float around, nobody sees or hears me, I can go through walls if I want to..." She buried her face in her arms. "You're the only one I can talk to. Even if you're just a version of me that made it out alive."
"I..." Zoey reached out a hand.
Gadget brushed it off. "No, i-it's alright. It's not like there's much I can do about it. Instantly incinerated the moment I crossed the boundary between the reality I was stuck in and here, remember? In here is the one place where I still have a body at all." Her form flickered again. "Mostly , at least."
Zoey fidgeted with her plushie's legs.
"If this place really is a space between worlds--" Gadget's voice rose from her curled form. "--then shouldn't there be other versions of us also stuck in here?" She lifted her head a little, her unkempt hair still masking her face. "I know this isn't something I should be saying, but there should be more dead Zoeys and Gadgets out there somewhere, right? It's that whole thing about 'anything being possible in an infinite universe'. And here, we have an infinite number of universes."
She flickered between forms again. "The same goes for you, too."
"Hm?" Zoey's attention shot from the toy in her lap back to... well, herself .
"Think about it. You're like me, minus the whole 'got exploded in less than a second' part. You literally fell into here because the universe you were living in at the time started tearing apart at the seams. Aren't there other Zoeys that should've also fallen into here? That also forced their way into another Zoey's universe in search of home?"
Gadget picked up the shard sitting beside Zoey. "That somehow broke a chunk off of the very boundry of existence itself? Do you know how long it was between when I entered this place and when I finally met you? No versions of us--none of them that even passed through here in the first place. I saw--" her voice cracked as she continued. "I saw the version of me that survived shoot past in a rocket, a long time ago. That was the only other me that I saw for ages since then. And when I realized that I could just, like... pick out one of the little lights floating around us and stretch it open to just walk in , I was so excited to finally be somewhere again!"
Her grip tightened around the blade. "But then, when I did step out into a world, nobody ever noticed me. Nobody could touch me, or hear me."
She lowered her head again, letting the sky shard clatter back down beside her. "Sometimes, I wonder if the reason why there's only the two of us is because this place in and of itself is yet another plane of existence just like all the others. That maybe this is a place that was somehow purpose-made for us. A made-up limbo place that exists just so that we can sit here and talk to each other. Think about it, Zoey. How far back can you remember in your life?"
"I..." Zoey brought a hand to her chin. There was of course the whole thing about the portal and falling through the cracks and stuff, and before that, being babysat by Lisa even though she was very definitely a big girl who could look after herself , but it wasn't a very big deal anyway 'cause Lisa let her help with her cool robot stuff. Before that...
"Can't think of anything past when you met Lisa, can you?" Gadget leaned back, propping herself up on one arm. "That's 'cause you didn't exist yet before that."
"What."
"It's the same for me. I can only remember as far back as when I got a tablet that I used to use as a sort of digital diary. I was eleven at the time, but I only know that 'cause I was told so. Before that? Nothing ."
"You were eleven back then?" Zoey raised a brow. "How long has it been since then?"
Gadget shrugged. "It's hard to keep track of time in a timeless place. Going by watching how time passes in other planes of existence around here, I'd say maybe seven? Eight years?" She blinked. "Holy crap I'm an adult now, aren't I? Zoey, how old are you?"
"...Ten?"
Gadget ran her hands through her hair, staring wide-eyed at the milky black plane beneath them. "Man . I..." she flickered again, stepping back into the hut. "Gimme a moment. I need to think about this some more."
Zoey turned her attention back to the plushie in her lap. She got it during her birthday party... one of them, three years ago. That was when she had the stuffing put into it... and... and then before that...
That was it.
That was it.
Two years ago?
Nothing . Same with last year's. It was as if that one singular party existed on its own, separate from everything else.
She wracked her mind. There had to be more, right? She wasn't like Gadget, who'd been stuck in this place for a loooooooong time. Maybe Gadget was just forgetting her old life after spending so long here! But then...
Think, Zoey repeated mentally. There had to be something else she remembered. Anything . Her mom... yes, she could remember her. The way she spoke, how she stood at the edge of that pit when... she shook her head. She needed to think further back . When... when her mom dropped her off at school?
Her brows wrinkled. Even for something that should've happened almost every single day for years , she was drawing a blank. What if it was the void itself that was making them forget? Maybe if she just... she shifted her gaze to the countless dots of light dotting the space surrounding them. Gadget held onto the one with her mom in it for safekeeping, so maybe if she went back there, she would remember again!
Zoey hopped back to her feet and ran into the hut. "Gadgetttt! Where's the portal thingy that I used to find my mom?"
Her counterpart wasn't there.
"Gadget?" she repeated, quieter this time as she crept beneath the dingy hut built from what amounted to singed scrap metal. "You in here?"
A momentary flicker caught her eye.
"What are you doing?" Zoey squat down beside the trembling ball that was Gadget. She traced her other self's gaze to a ball of light sitting across from them.
"I thought I was still eleven this entire time," Gadget's voice came in uneven spurts. "A while back, I found a very strange version of us."
She scooted aside for Zoey to get a better view.
Sure enough, there was yet another incarnation of herself, one from a different time and place.
"Next, she'll eat a baked potato she carved into the shape of a hot dog."
"Wh--" Zoey turned to Gadget. "Hu--"
"Shh, just watch."
Sure enough, the version of herself they were watching did... well, precisely that. With a hefty serving of powdered sugar as a topping, too.
"I don't know how long this has been happening for," Gadget looked away from the view. "But it always ends with her and her friends rolling down a grassy hill for some reason. Then, it repeats. Over and over, forever . As if that's all the time she ever exists for."
Zoey leaned closer to the orb. "Have you ever tried... going in? Seeing what happens if you're around at the very end before it loops?"
"...No."
"I think I even recognize some people from there," Zoey scooted herself even closer than before. "Yeah. There's Sam... Brodie... Caleb looks pretty different from the one I know, but still--" she peered over her shoulder. "Is there a reason why you haven't taken a look from the inside?"
Gadget kept herself curled up, a blonde, unkempt tail hiding the muzzle she currently sported as she eyed the alternate reality. She looked just like the plushie she'd helped fix not too long ago.
"Scared, I guess," her tail drooped just enough to keep her voice from becoming muffled. "I'm already here forever, what would happen if when that reality comes to a close and loops back around, I get trapped in there instead? Here, at least, I don't have to worry about living in a perpetual loop."
Zoey looked between her counterpart and her... other counterpart; the one they were watching.
"I'll go in then."
Zoey wrapped her fingers around the proverbial 'edge' of the floaty ball, just as she had that first time she stumbled into this place.
She pulled the portal wide enough for herself to fit through. "Last call," she glanced over her shoulder. "I promise I'll be back."
Gadget remained curled up, face once again buried in her arms. She only gave a thumbs-up in response.
Zoey turned back to the portal. At the moment, it seemed to open into a cafeteria of sorts. Scratch that, her school's cafeteria.
Right . Parallel universe whatevers.
She ducked through the portal. Almost immediately, the smell of whatever was cooking for the main lunch line hit her like a wall. She paused, savoring the all-too-familiar smells. Even if the food wasn't necessarily good , she missed this place.
The end-of-period bell played over the intercom. Another point for familiarity.
"Well," a voice caught her attention from down one of the halls. "I don't really know what to do."
"Me neither," another responded.
It quickly grew difficult to pick out the conversation as students began to fill the halls. This part of her old life before all this craziness began was one she didn't miss. Actually, wait, the portal--
She frantically looked around. Thankfully, it seemed to have vanished after she'd exited. The last thing she needed was for more random kids like her to wander into that place. Though, why it closed like that she wasn't as sure. The previous ones she'd traveled through lingered on even after she'd traveled through them, though they did tend to kinda fade into translucency.
Still . They didn't disappear like that.
Zoey started walking toward the lunch lines. If she knew herself, then the main line with different items each day of the week would be the one she goes to.
"Oh hey, Zoey," one of her classmates walked past. "You're hangin' out with Sammy again today after school, aren't you?"
"Er--" she forced a grin as she waved them off. "Yeah! Like I always do!"
Seems like this version of her didn't have a Lisa to go back to. That was Lisa's brother's friend group that Sam was part of.
"Neato. I don't know how you got through history today. My teacher looked like he was gonna fall asleep."
Zoey scrambled for the name. "Mister... Daniels, right?"
"Yeah. I heard that the teacher for your team is so much more fun. Anyway, see ya!"
She waved as they wandered off. That was probably the most stressful moment she'd had in so long.
The next voice that drew her attention immediately shattered that notion.
"Lunch always seems to be the most boring time," her own voice rung out from somewhere within the throng of students flooding into the cafeteria.
"Yeah," Sam's voice agreed.
There she was. Through the crowd, Zoey momentarily locked eyes with herself. She looked a little different--hair styled differently and a little more curly, maybe a little shorter--but most definitely a version of her .
"Woah, two Zoeys?" a boy slid between her and her counterpart. "Sammy, did you know Zoey had a twin?"
"Actually, I--" Zoey held up her hands.
"I don't though?" Other Zoey stepped closer to her. She narrowed her eyes, stopping right in front of her. "Idunno, she does look reeeeaaally similar to me."
She scratched her head. "Anyway hi! I'm Zoey! Do you like potatoes?"
Zoey backed further away from her counterpart. From past experience, touching her was not a good idea. Somewhere out there was a much older Zoey who now had to explain to her parents how she aged like seven years while they were away. Actually--wasn't that version of her also obsessed with potatoes?
"C'mooooon, you shy?" Other Zoey tilted her head. "Ooh, I know. You like potatoes?"
"Not everyone is as crazy about potatoes as you are, Zoey," Sam walked around her. "Sorry about Zoey, she's a bit wild."
Zoey shrunk further back from his outstretched hand.
"No handshake, alright," Sam retracted his hand.
"What's happening? " Gadget's voice echoed in her ear. Zoey flinched from the intrusion.
"Wait, you can hear me? That was supposed to be a test. Nobody on the other side of these things have heard me before."
"Not a good time, Gadget, " Zoey whispered back.
Sam raised a brow.
"Anyway, now that I know you can hear me, I'll say right now that none of this is supposed to happen. You should've hit the loop by no--"
"I'm bored," Other Zoey declared. "How about we go roll down the hill?"
"Zoey, get out. Now. That's the very last thing anyone says."
Sam turned away from Zoey to his version of her. "Zoey. We haven't even had lunch yet."
"You might not have," Other Zoey grinned, slowly pulling a...
Zoey scrunched her face as her counterpart pulled an entire baked potato from her backpack. Thankfully , it was still in its foil wrap.
Other Zoey's gaze flit between the concerned looks of her friends. "What? Don't worry, I've got a lunchbox in here, see?" She knocked on something hard inside her backpack. "I'm not dumb enough to give myself food poisoning, y'know. I already finished it too. See?" She began to unwrap what was very clearly a bundle of napkins stuffed into the foil.
"Oooookay," Zoey slunk away from her alternate-universe self and her friends. "Well, it was neat seeing y'all! I've uh--got a class to go to. Different lunch period and stuff. Don't wanna be late! See ya!"
She sprinted down the hall. Since her entry portal disappeared, she'd have to find somewhere out of the way to cut herself out. She slipped a hand into one of her pockets, feeling for...
Her steps slowed.
Oh.
Oh no.
"Gadget, you still there?" Zoey muttered under her breath, her eyes frantically scanning her surroundings. "Really need some help right about now..."
"Who're you talkin' to?" Other Zoey's voice sent a jolt through her body. "You look a lot like me. Where did you come from? I don't think I ever saw you here before."
"I... uh--" Zoey spun around to face her counterpart. She was standing so close right now. Worse yet, the place she was standing at the moment really didn't allow for any kind of easy escape.
"You lost or something?" Other Zoey grabbed her hand. Zoey winced, preparing herself to open her eyes and find herself facing yet another aged-up version of herself.
Other Zoey laughed at the action. "You know, I like you. You're weird. C'monnnnn, what's your next class?"
The first class she had after lunch in her own world came to mind. "Art two."
"Ooh, you're in my class then!" Other Zoey dragged her along down the hall. "Yup, right this way. You still haven't told me your name yet by the way."
Zoey stared at the still-young hand holding onto her own. Maybe this happened to be a universe where there was no noticeable time shift or whatever that caused that rapid aging from before?
Whatever. Until Gadget said something, she really didn't have any choice but to play along. At the very least, she could maybe protect this Zoey from getting tangled in the mess she was currently in once she got back.
"Uhm--Aspen," Zoey blurted. An art display featuring gemstones caught her eye as she followed. "Garnet. Aspen Garnet."
"Well, Aspen Garnet , I think we'll be good friends," Other Zoey stopped in front of the art room. "This school's art rooms are kinda funny. Instead of walls on the side facing into the hall, it's a whole garage . Never seen anyone open it though. But here we are!" She pointed a thumb back down the hall. "I learned how to carve stuff in the woodshop back over there by the way."
"Alright, Zoey," Gadget's voice returned. "Sorry for leaving you there. I was surprised when things didn't reset like usual. You left your knife thing on the porch by the way."
Other Zoey looked around. "What's that sound?"
Oh. Oh boy.
The tip of the sky shard suddenly punctured the air before sliding downward in a smooth, singular motion. Gadget peeked out, looking between Zoey and Other Zoey.
Other Zoey let go of Zoey's hand. "Woah. "
"Could've waited a little longer, " Zoey mouthed beside her.
"Well, uh, hi there!" Gadget waved. "I'm... Aspen's... cousin! Picking her up. She's feeling terrible right now. Right?"
Zoey snorted at Gadget's attempt to disguise the situation.
"See? Not feeling good. Just a big ol' headache and stuff. C'mooooon, get in here. I already had to yoink the location of the old portal waaaaaay out of the way for safety reasons. Hurry up before other people see. Besides this Zoey, I mean."
Zoey sucked in a breath. "Alright, yeah, let's go. I think at this point we don't need to hide anything from this world's Zoey by the way. Opening the portal right in front of her wasn't the smartest move."
Gadget shrugged. "The more the merrier? By the way, this whole reality split off from the one you entered. The original one kinda slingshot itself away the moment you walked in." She lifted her bangs, pointing at her forehead. "Smacked me right on the noggin, too. If I was ponymoding it when that happened then that might've even cracked my horn!"
Zoey glanced at Other Zoey before stepping through. "Long story."
"Pony? " Other Zoey's eyes remained glued to Gadget.
"Right okay yeah gotta go see ya!" Zoey pushed Gadget along as she walked deeper into the void. She grasped the portal's edges and slammed them back down to nothing more than the usual glowing dot. "Gadget, did something happen while I was gone? You're acting really different from how you were when I entered just a few minutes ago."
Gadget avoided her glare. "Truth be told, I wasn't really paying attention at first. Yeah, the old untouched universe split off and bonked me, but even after that and moving the old portal to a different location and closing it, all I could do was think."
"Yeah?"
"Y'know how I said earlier that maybe this whole void plane thing was made just for us?"
"...Yes? Go on,"
"What if, it really is exactly that? A construct that exists entirely for us to exist in? Life in a box, in a way. If that's the case, then doesn't that mean that it's fine for us to share this place? We could even have, like a council of Zoeys! Potato Zoey back there might be an interesting candidate, for example. I looked at the calendars hanging around once I realized that the loop wasn't going to happen while you were in there. Says May twenty-fourteen on it. What was the date for you out there? Your original world or the one you're living in right now are both fine."
2014.
Zoey blinked. That was a decade ago. 'Potato Zoey' should've been, what, twenty now? Definitely good in that case that she didn't immediately catch up on a decade's worth of aging in that case when she touched her.
"September twenty-twenty-four."
Gadget whistled. "Yeah, that's a big gap. I knew something was up with that universe when I came across it. Potato Zoey's probably the original ."
"What."
"Listen," Gadget gripped Zoey by the shoulders. "This goes back to what I asked you earlier about the whole 'remembering your past' stuff. I can only remember back to a certain point in time, and that time happened to start eight years ago if we're going by the date you just mentioned."
She gestured to the countless dots of light floating around them. "See all of those? Every single one , I can guarantee will never feature a year before the one Potato Zoey lives in. For whatever reason, history itself for us specifically seems to begin at that moment. Everything started from when that version of us carves a hot dog out of a potato and eats it."
"...What. "
Gadget let go of Zoey, her breaths still heavy. "I... I promise I'm not going crazy. Or maybe I am. But like, this is the most excited I've been about anything since I climbed into that rocket and never came back. Something --maybe even someone --marked the beginning of us, and we've been going ever since."
Zoey cocked her head, inspecting the sliver of a crack floating mid-air from every angle. This wasn't supposed to happen! Maybe she could ask Sammy about it. He's smart.
She traced a finger along the crack, feeling her nail catch on an edge. Whether it was an accident or out of curiosity, the next thing she knew, the crack had grown...
...And a small chip of what was supposed to be the air in front of her lay in her hands.
Author's Note
Hoo boy was this a doozy to write. I actually have a previous version of this chapter that was written up to 500 words that would've rehashed the experimental magic system, but I didn't really like the direction it was going and restarted. Somehow, it veered into some intense existential dread surrounding the notion that Zoey in every incarnation exists for and as part of my fics, and beyond that, does not exist in any meaningful capacity.
To put it simply, I accidentally traumatized a fictional child who died in a scrapped fic from 2017.
Whoops.
(Definitely some good character practice here, though, trying to write three different versions of the same character each with their own variations in voice.)
Post-writing analysis
"Potato Zoey" and the universe she originates from is the OG Wielder of the Orb scripts I wrote back in early 2014 while I myself was in middle school. She was the token "girl character" that wasn't really treated or meant to be taken seriously. But it was from her that every incarnation of Zoey that's existed within my writing originates from. Thus, Potato Zoey marks, in a sense, the beginning of time for all versions of Zoey that I write (if you're going by real-life dates). Obviously, exceptions apply such as if I were to explicitly set some version of her in a different era, but given how so far I've mentally kept track of Zoey's existence by real-life dates, and usually set every fic involving her in a pretty contemporary period of time, I'd might as well keep going.
The mechanic of rapidly-aging other versions of herself upon contact is one that existed for a single interaction in my 2023 rough draft of Fractures , where Zoey once again met Potato Zoey, albeit at the opening scenes of Wielder of the Orb rather than right at the end of the scripts. I'll get around to posting the rest of that someday, but I don't plan on bringing that mechanic back.
I debated having Gadget growing even more neurotic, possibly to the point where she becomes aware of me, the author of the story. Decided to instead suggest that she's got an idea of the notion that she and every other version of her are merely characters in a story though. I didn't want things to get too meta.
At some point I was gonna have Zoey tell Gadget who her mom is and what she does (as per a previous chapter) but I forgor 💀
I legit was cross-referencing both Lab Horse and Wielder of the Orb more and more the longer the chapter got. Any more and there's a good chance I would've straight-up started writing a brand new extension to Lab Horse , probably. Idk.
Holy crap this is like, a critical mass of serious Zoeyposting. I know I wrote a chapter before where infinite Zoeys gathered to prank Twilight or whatnot, but writing something serious involving not just one, but three Zoeys across wildly different eras in my writing career? Man.
This chapter was meant to be posted on my birthday but it just kept getting longer lol.
Project Emphehom #11 & #12 can found here.
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Cozy was Twilight's Daughter from the Future
Author's Note
whiteoak019 built the time machine, don't look at me.
Cozy was Twilight's Daughter from the Future
"Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight--" Cozy Glow continued jamming her hoof against Twilight's foreleg. She sucked in a breath before continuing. "Twiiiiilight. Momther. Oiiiiiiiii."
Twilight Sparkle turned to face Cozy Glow with all the grace and finesse of a stone monument. Complete with the sound of stone grinding against stone. "What. "
Cozy Glow gasped. "You are my mom!"
Twilight fell to her knees. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo--"
(Somewhere, in a galaxy far far away, Darth Vader felt a shiver run down his spine.)
Cozy Glow held up her manifesto against ponykind. "Lookit this, momma! I made something at school today! Now be proud of me."
"I run the school, Cozy. And writing a misequinic tirade vowing to tear apart ponykind and ally with those that seek to destroy is not what I taught."
"Awwwwwww."
spike ate all of twilight's castle?
Author's Note
What's small, purple, and goes crunch crunch crunch , whiteoak019 ?
That's right, it's Tiny Thanos cracking eggs to make his breakfast!
spike ate all of twilight's castle?
"Spike, where is my castle?"
"'Dunno, it must've run away or something," Spike rubbed his suspiciously castle-shaped belly. He let out a belch. "Couldn't have gone that far."
Twilight stared at Spike as he picked shards of crystal from between his teeth.
"Right. I should go looking then," she trotted past him. "Castle! Castle, where are youuuu?"
"Sister," Luna looked away from her telescope. "Do you believe your student is... okay? I don't believe she acts like this on a regular basis."
Celestia sipped her tea. "There's a reason why she was expelled for medical reasons, Lulu. Alicornification is terminal, remember?"
Luna didn't respond, for she had long since tuned out Celestia and returned to turning demons into a fine red mist.
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Rainbow Dash was right about Spy being Twilight Sparkle?
"That dastardly Twilight Sparkle's a spy!" Rarity pointed an accusing hoof at Twilight.
Twilight(?) sighed, letting out a light chuckle. "Au contraire, dear Rarity. It is I! " TF2 Spy pulled off the crudely-drawn Twilight Sparkle mask strapped to his face.
"WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?" Spike tackled the Spy to the ground, grabbing him by the collar. "The changelings? BlueBots? Pinkie's Eyebrow? Goatlestia? "
"None of them."
"Oh. Okay." Spike let go of his collar. "Go on then. Not my problem."
Everyone watched Spike waddle away. Presumably to teleport bread, according to the Spy.
Author's Note
That The Spy of the Tiger is a spy!
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punching someone in the face was considered a polite greeting?
Author's Note
Woah, two chapters in a row for The Spy of the Tiger !
punching someone in the face was considered a polite greeting?
"Good morning! " Spike threw his fist into Twilight's face.
"Oh, Spike!" Twilight popped awake from the sudden physical blow. She swung a hoof at the dragon, clocking him hard enough to send him careening into the opposite wall. "Good morning to you too!"
Princess Celestia gracefully crashed through the ceiling, landing on Twilight's face with full force. "Twilight Sparkle, I have an important assignment for you to fulfill. I leave you with the details in the documents."
She lifted away from the mildly-flattened Twilight Sparkle, leaving a bundle of documents in her wake.
"Wow, rude," Twilight rubbed her cheek. "She didn't even punch me before leaving. Let's see now..." she picked up the package of documents as Spike peeled himself off the wall. "Hm, hm. Greet the human diplomat coming from the mirror portal to establish relations with Equestria?" She rubbed her chin. "How do humans greet each other again? Something about their hands..." she clapped her hooves together. "Right! Being a parallel reality to Equestria, logically, this means that they must slap each other to say hello!"
Twilight Sparkle proceeded to be arrested for assaulting a government diplomat.
Tank was a very lazy Changeling spy?
Author's Note
As you can tell, whiteoak019 , I do not have any homework this weekend.
Tank was a very lazy Changeling spy?
"C'mon, do something," Rainbow Dash poked Tank with a stick. "I even put on your little propeller thing, see?" she nudged the propeller with a hoof, just enough to kickstart its motor and get it whirring.
Slowly, Tank lifted off the ground.
Unexpectedly , a green flame engulfed him to reveal a rather small (and sleepy) changeling nymph.
"Hey!" Rainbow Dash grabbed the nymph by the cheeks. "What did you do to Tank?"
The nymph's voice came out unexpectedly... uh, deep for something his size. "I am Tank. I wandered Fluttershy's yard until you picked me."
Rainbow Dash lifted a brow.
Tank transformed back into a tortoise. "Now let me sleep."
"Oh, there you are, Tank! Was wondering where you went when that changeling showed up." she grabbed the disguised changeling and flew off. "C'mon, we've got some weather scouting to do!"
Tank grumbled something under his breath about taking the day off.
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some one ate that can of beans, not realizing it contained Discord instead of actual beans?
Author's Note
Scyphi , what are you doing with that spoon?
some one ate that can of beans, not realizing it contained Discord instead of actual beans?
"Sister!" Luna slammed the door ope--wait, this feels familiar.
Celestia, ignoring the sudden loss of her sister's narration, turned her head.
"Celly, Discord's bean can is gone!"
Celestia shifted her eyes between Luna and the empty can of beans on the armrest of her throne. "I... see. This is a concerning revelation indeed."
"Sister, is there something you're hiding?"
Celestia briefly lit her horn and teleported the can away. "Whaaaat? Psh, no , you're only imagining things, Lulu!"
"I am unable to move my body due to my lack of narration, Celestia."
"Uh-hmm." Celestia lit her horn again, puppeteering her own sister to her seat. "There you go! Better?"
"Hardly. Where's my Intrendo Swatch?"
A claw emerged from Celestia's mouth and snapped its fingers before she could respond.
"My my, Celestia," Discord adjusted the bow tie he'd apparently been wearing. "I knew that British diets were odd, but I wasn't aware that Lord of Chaos and beans was a menu item!"
"You and I both know that we aren't Bri--'ish. Oi mate, ya got a loicense for that chaos mah-jick?"
Discord grinned a scraggletoothed grin.
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there were beans where there should be no beans?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger put the beans there, I swear!
there were beans where there should be no beans?
"Princess Celestia."
"Mi Amore Cadenza."
Cadance slammed her hoof down on the table. "Where's the money, Princess? "
Celestia sipped her tea. "Right in the shared treasury agreed upon by the mutual Equestrian-Crystal Pact. Is something wrong?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong, the treasury is filled with nothing but beans! How will I pay the Crystal Empire's Grand Shipping Service now?"
"Beans, of course."
Cadance made a face. "This better not be a repeat of the breath mints fiasco."
"Oh I promise you, it's precisely that, Cadance."
"Hey man so like when am I gonna be paid for that truck I sold you?" unnamed Crystal Empire automobile dealership pony #5 rose up from behind the window of the aforementioned truck.
"Right now," Crystal Empire Treasury Agent or Whatever #68 dumped a metric ton of beans on the dealership pony. Yeah. Right off the back of the truck.
Gadget got a hug? (PE#13)
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. View Online
Chrysalis has the most suitors of any Equestrian royal?
Author's Note
PlymothFury58 is one of them!
Chrysalis has the most suitors of any Equestrian royal?
"...and so it is I , Sir Bugleg, that shall be the king to your queenliness!"
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. She gave the changeling prince an idle shoo with a hoof, not even bothering to look in his direction as he was dragged off to be tossed into the Pit of Doom.
"Next," Chrysalis slumped her attention back to the absurdly long line that very well could've been its own hive outright.
A changeling with a grin wider than what should've been biologically possible stepped into the room. "hElLO DEaResT," he jeered, his grin somehow growing wider by the second. "WoULd yOu By CHanCe giVE lItTLe ol' mE a--"
"Next," Chrysalis cut him off. "And make sure he gets a good dunk into the pit, too."
"wAIT! i aM ThE JoNKlEr! ThIS is ThE paRt wHErE I jONkLe AlL ovEr The PLacE!"
"Hello, yes, this is Chryssi," Chrysalis mumbled into her phone. "Yeah-yeah, sorry about crashing the wedding and stuff. You mind if I borrow that Lunar Yeet Cannon of yours for a week?"
every liquid was replaced by ranch sauce
Author's Note
Don't see you around here very often, Officers Mess !
every liquid was replaced by ranch sauce
The oceans churned with ranch, winds carrying a zesty scent across barren land.
Not a single being existed to tell the tale of RanchWorld, because every liquid--and I mean every liquid , was replaced by ranch.
There existed no water without ranch. Not even water within individual cells was spared, and upon its replacement with ranch, the salt content of the sauce shriveled every living cell into an unliving husk.
Yes, this was a world truly devoid of life. There is nothing--wait, what is that?
Discord with a curly straw singlehandedly drinking the entire Ranchific Ocean?
Gadget went on her villain arc? (PE#14)
"A council of Zoeys."
Gadget's grin widened. "Yeah! I mean, just think about it! Imagine just how fun it'd be to meet so many different versions of yourself! There's you and me already, obviously, and Potato Zoey over there--" she gestured at the trembling incarnation of herself still clutching to a small sky shard. "--Heck, we could turn this whole void place into our own little world!"
Zoey backed away a little. "Gadget..."
"Hey, don't Gadget me, you're the one that wanted to take a peek in her world in the first place! Aaaaanyhoo, like I was saying before, what if this whole void plane place really is something that exists just for us? It'd explain why I'm the only one that's apparently trapped in here, wouldn't it?"
"Gadget! "
"Ooh, I've got so much to ask you as well, Potato Zoey! I already told Lost Zoey next to you about how I'm pretty sure that you're the first version of us to ever exist. How does it feel knowing that?"
Potato Zoey quivered. "I-I shouldn't have come here. I wanna go back!"
"And we'll get you back," Zoey reached for her counterpart's hand. "Just follow after me, alright?"
"Right."
"Doesn't really answer the question, but fiiiine," Gadget waltzed past the two. "Feel free to come back anytime! Bring your friends too, maybe!"
Potato Zoey glanced at Gadget, then at her... well, other counterpart. The one currently guiding the movements of her hand.
"It's a sort of sawing motion, usually," Zoey mimicked the full movements of the blade with her free hand. "You emerged from more or less this exact spot, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Then you should come out right where you left once you're through," Zoey released Potato Zoey's hands. "Try it."
Potato Zoey stuck out her tongue, making short, sawing motions with the shard in her hands until a small tear opened up.
"There you go, just widen it a little bit more and you're home free!"
Zoey stood back, watching Potato Zoey cut her way back into her home universe. She pulled the opening shut as soon as her counterpart's foot disappeared through.
"Okay, Gadget, we need to talk. "
Author's Note
idk. this was suggested during an IRL workshopping session in my creative writing class by my professor. he latched onto how Void Gadget was pushing surprisingly hard for the idea of "inviting" more Zoeys into the void once she fell even further down the rabbithole of realizing that she and every other version of Zoey may or may not be nothing more than a character--a literary construct made purely for the sake of playing out a story.
this is probably by far the messiest and least-complete Project Emphenom chapter simply because I really don't have any ideas at the moment of how I'd characterize Void Gadget going off the deep end while still keeping her personality consistent.
the base concept of this was that Gadget, through the years of loneliness she'd spent isolated in the void all alone, and only really exacerbated by the combination of realizing the potential implications of her very existence alongside (maybe) getting bonked in the head, decides that it'd be an excellent idea to actually build out this 'council of Zoeys' that she'd previously mentioned. maybe, she'd even learn the ability to manipulate, or perhaps even steal the memories of her fellow Zoey incarnations, keeping them for herself or something. i legitimately have no idea where this could go or how it could get there at the moment. maybe with time it might end up being the natural path taken in a full story, maybe this just ends up being nothing more than an oddball of an experimental chapter.
tl;dr: this is an experiment within an experiment, as the idea of Void Gadget turning out to be a surprise antagonist is still interesting even if it's pretty out-there as far as ideas go. this chapter canonically takes place immediately after PE#10.
Scootaloo's Scooter was a Transformer?
Author's Note
This chapter for whiteoak019 comes at a time of peak "I wanna write something very specific but don't really know where to begin".
~~yes it's the promised story pitches for fractures/project emphenom~~
anyway short and simple chapter this time, I'm feeling a little bit burnt out from doing so many longer chapters in a row atm
Scootaloo's Scooter was a Transformer?
"So uh, Scoots, what's with the new scooter?" Apple Bloom pointed a hoof at the aforementioned scooter.
"My old one had to go rejoin its people."
"Oh."
~~And then the entire CMC clubhouse stood up and walked away with them still in it, because it too was a Transformer. Apparently.~~
Fire had Spitfire breath?
Author's Note
epiccuttlefish ... whuh?
Fire had Spitfire breath?
"Wind, you'd better not screw this up," Fire singed the wooden bench it was currently smoldering on. "Don't forget, today we're burning all of Equestria."
Wind whistled through the window.
"What's so funny?"
"You'll see."
Fire melted through a locker. Unfortunately, it was filled with ~~water~~ ~~frogs~~ ~~thermite~~ ~~the uncaring abyss~~ ~~a weird horse thing~~ ~~more fire~~ ~~two rocks~~ ~~cats~~ ~~cat. as in the construction company.~~ ~~glue~~ ~~a glue enjoyer~~ ~~strikethroughs~~ ~~Celestia's wallet~~ ~~the Spanish Inquisition, again!~~ HORSEHAIR.
"Achoo." Fire fire'd despite not having any biological functions, let alone the ability to sneeze.
Spitfire flew out of the flames and landed in the middle of the burning room.
"What?"
Breath had fire Spitfire?
Author's Note
Scyphi ??????????????????
Breath had fire Spitfire?
"Breath, you'd better not screw this up," Breath spitfire'd Spitfire. Fire had Spitfire'd breath's breath earlier while Fire was firing Spitfire. "Don't fireget, today we're breathing all of Spitfire."
Breath breathed a breath.
"Water's so firey?"
"You'll see."
Breath fire'd through Spitfire's locker. Unfortunately, it was filled with breath spitfiring fire which was firing breath spitfire fire breathing fire. Spitfire breathed fire breath like fire??? Fire fire'd fire breath spitfirely. Bleh.
"Oohca." Breath Spitfire'd.
"Geushunteith," Spitfire slurred. "Ges... und... heit."
~~what~~
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Twilight and Gadget went out for ice cream? (PE#15)
"Easy, easy," Twilight stepped back a little. The little blue filly in front of her trudged past, her horn blazing with energy. "You have to control your output, Gadget. Don't let it all out in one go!"
"Urk--" Gadget hiccuped. The aura enveloping her horn fizzled out, as did the teal glow floating above her. "--ow!"
"See what I mean?" Twilight picked a tin can off the ground. "You're still at the age where your magic reserves run out quickly. You have to be careful not to burn through all of it at once."
Gadget sucked in a breath. "Yeah. Can I try again?"
"Can you light your horn?"
The filly's eyes shot upward. She stuck out her tongue, watching the barely-visible tip of her horn as she felt for that not-quite-familiar flow of energy. Twilight said it was something like feeling warm water slosh over her, though it felt a lot more like when she puts her hoof over the top of the toaster. Either way, it was supposed to feel hot .
And hot was not what she felt.
Twilight ruffled her mane. "Looks like you need some time to recover first. You wanna know how I did it?" she crouched down, a smirk spreading across her face.
"...How?"
She glanced over her shoulder before returning her gaze to Gadget. "Ice cream. So much ice cream. "
"Bu--"
"No buts!" Twilight shot back up. "Your parents don't have to know. What's a little ice cream between a filly and her foalsitter? You don't have any allergies, do you?"
Gadget shook her head.
"Great!" she scooped up the filly and placed her on her back. "You know how I got all that ice cream?"
"Mmm..." Gadget turned her head. She pointed a hoof at the towering tree behind them. "Coupons for being the only librarian in all of Ponyville?"
Twilight stuck out her tongue. "I was going to say 'abusing my credentials as Celestia's student', but that works too."
"Should you really be saying that out loud?" Spike waddled up beside the pair. "Remember. Just because you're Princess Celestia's top student doesn't mean you should be using that status to get whatever you want."
Gadget slid herself off of Twilight's back. She leaned in close to Spike, nearly pressing her face against his. "But free ice cream! "
Twilight joined in on goading her assistant, her grin just as wide as Gadget's. "C'monnn, I'll getcha your favorite flavor too if you come with us."
"Uh-huh," Spike folded his arms. "Y'know Twi, with the way you act sometimes, it feels like I'm the one who should be raising you ."
"I'll also buy you this week's issue of Power Ponies while we're at it."
"Deal."
"Remind me again why Celestia reimburses you for every purchase of ice cream you make?" the grizzled stallion at the checkout counter half-mumbled. He kept his eyes glued to the register as he punched in each tub Gadget and Twilight set on the counter.
"Officially, the Princess likes one specific flavor that's only available here in Ponyville and expects me to send a tub back whenever we buy some," Twilight slid one final tub of ice cream onto the counter. "Unofficially ," she lowered her voice to a near whisper. "I think she's trying to get me accustomed to her own eating habits. "
The stallion shook his head. "I swear, the things our taxes go into these days. There's your total, by the way."
Twilight fumbled a little with her saddlebag before extracting a satchel of bits. She floated each coin out one by one, placing them on the counter. "There you go, that should be the exact amount there."
The stallion nodded in response and transferred the money into the cash drawer. "Have a nice day."
"You too!" Gadget waved. She stopped at the end of the counter, staring at one of the tubs of ice cream for a moment before lighting her horn again. A few stray sparks preceded the burst of mana that then enveloped the tub. Even then, her magic flickered, lowering the tub bit by bit until a pink glow supplanted her own strength.
"Careful now," Twilight lifted the tub into a bag. "Don't wanna drop it before we've even had a taste."
"Still coming up short?" the stallion leaned past the counter. "Pretty late bloomer for her age."
"Hey!" Gadget spun around. "I'm still trying..."
"Just sayin'."
"Alright now, let's go before we hold up the folks behind us," Twilight nudged Gadget along. "Spike's waiting for us in the bookstore. We can practice your magic some more alongside Sweetie Belle later today, 'kay?"
Gadget stared at the bag of ice cream tubs, then back at Twilight. "Does that mean we're sharing the ice cream?"
"Depends on if you can finish a whole tub by yourself. Which you know neither myself nor Spike will let you if you tried. And definitely not your mom and dad."
"Fiiiiiiine."
Author's Note
cutesy slice-of-life Project Emphenom chapter while i work on a much bigger story pitch chapter for PE#16
Rainbow had a twin named Monochrome Dash
Author's Note
whiteoak019 , Y U SO FUNNEH???
Rainbow had a twin named Monochrome Dash
"Monochrome Dash, no!" Twilight swat Monochrome Dash with a tiny flyswatter. "Stop... actually wait--huh?"
She watched the monochromatic mare organize every single book on the shelf... by occurrence of the word "grey".
"How do you even know that statistic?" Twilight circled around to confront the mare. "You didn't even read them!"
Monochrome Dash picked up another book and pressed its cover against her face. She took it off, staring directly into Twilight's eyes as she slid it onto a shelf.
She picked up another book and did the same.
"Alright, so you absorb the contents by diffusion through the cover," Twilight rubbed her chin, watching Monochrome Dash programmatically work through every remaining book.
"Helloooooo," Twilight waved a hoof in front of Monochrome Dash.
The pegasus batted it away with a frown. She shook her head, quietly tsk-tsk -ing Twilight.
Could it really be true? That the opposite of a Rainbow Dash was simply a Twilight squared?
ponies discovered Ranchlantis?
Author's Note
Look at the mess you've made, Officers Mess ! (Also I've never played Stargate, sorry RandomCommentor)
ponies discovered Ranchlantis?
"Woah."
Twibright Smirkle, distant descendant of Twilight Snarkle, distant descendant of Twilight Sparkle, pointed at the screen. "This. This is it! Ranchlantis!"
"Oh hey, I remember that place," Celestia walked up behind her. "'Tis a shame what happened to it. Care to explore my former home?"
"Wait--explore? " Twibight didn't have any time to respond before Celestia teleported her directly into a diving suit and booted her off the research vessel.
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Twilight Twilighted so hard that the twilight twilightified twilightishly?
Author's Note
The Twilighting shall continue until morale improves, KorokuRain13 .
Twilight Twilighted so hard that the twilight twilightified twilightishly?
Twilight opened the door. "Ah, Twilight! Glad you could come today. I've got a very interesting research proposal that I believe you'd like to partake in."
"Uh-huh." Twilight twilighted in response. "We'll see about that when we get to it."
Twilight and Twilight entered the study room. "I'll be back in a moment with the papers," Twilight gestured at a chair. "Please, sit!"
Twilight gasped at the spilled cup of concentrated hydrochloric acid eating away her stack of research. "Egads! My paper is ruined!" Her eyes shifted to the conveniently-placed library. She brought a hoof to her chin, ignoring the fact that the acid was now eating through the table. "But what if I were to purchase a textbook and pass it off as my own research?"
A chuckle rose from her. "Haha, twilightfully twilightish, Twilight!"
She unfurled her wings just as Twilight opened the door.
"Twilight! I was just-uh--" Twilight circled the room. "Flying laps around my personal study! Wakes me up when I need to explain things. Care to join me?"
"Why is there a hole in your table, Twilight?"
Twilight rushed to the site of the spilled acid. "Oh, this is a study on vapors!" She took a whiff of the concentrated hydrochloric acid fumes, shortening her lifespan in the process. "Such wonderful vapors! I can't wait to talk about them in a bit!"
"Uh-huh," Twilight lifted a brow. Twilight lit her horn and pushed Twilight out of the room. "Now, you go back and patiently wait while I prepare my paper on vapors."
"Twilight, I hope you're ready for some excellent dialogue on craters!" Twilight dropped a stack of paper on the table.
"I thought we'd be discussing vapors," Twilight eyed the stack. She lifted a page before Twilight smacked her hoof away.
"Oh, no, I said craters! The vapors from the craters!" Twilight forced a grin. "These papers are on the vapors from the craters! The papers are makers shakers fakers! Twakers, call the paperbulance! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa--"
Twilight ignored Twilight as she either had a stroke or got caught between dimensions. It was one or the other, and judging by the TV static-esque noise and the one-mare lightshow that she'd turned into, it was probably the latter.
Twilight gasped back into reality. "Twilight's okay! Twilight escaped the Great Between! Twilight brought friends! "
She lit her horn, blasting a hole through the floor beneath them. "Crater!"
"Whuh--" Twilight spread her wings, hovering in the air as Twilight and everything else fell into the hole. "Huh? "
"Hi, I'm Twilight, and this is my friend, Twilight!" a lone voice echoed up from the caverns below.
A blazing inferno of violet light erupted from the crater as an infinite number of Twilight Sparkles poured out of the hole.
The sheer density of so many book horses in one place was enough to gravitationally collapse Equestria into a black hole. Man it's been a while since Equestria's been destroyed in What If.
"Twilight! I've been compressed into an infinitely small point!" Spike's voice rung out from somewhere within the black hole.
"No, Spike, it's just the crater's vapors."
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apples could talk and only non ponies can hear them?
Author's Note
Curses, it's whiteoak019 !
*screams in midterms season and drifts away in the wind again*
apples could talk and only non ponies can hear them?
"Hey hey, you there. Purple one."
Spike paused, staring in the direction of the voice.
"Yes, you! Up here ya bozo. In the tree."
His eyes panned up to the lone apple dangling from a branch.
"Excellent, excellent. See, I have a favor to ask of you."
Spike turned his gaze momentarily to Applejack, who didn't seem to notice.
"Precisely who this favor revolves around. I want you to throw me at that mare."
"Excuse me? " Spike sputtered, inadvertently catching Applejack's attention.
"You've been excused," was all she responded with as she continued playing subway surfers.
"See what I mean?" the apple huffed... somehow . "Pick me and throw me at her."
"And what if I don't?" Spike lifted a brow.
"Then I, the most delicious apple to have or ever will grow on this tree, will unfortunately go to waste, left to be picked at by birds and bugs until I am but a shriveled husk, flapping in the breeze!"
Spike rolled his eyes and picked the apple. "There. What if I just eat you right here and now?"
"Ah, but I'm a special apple! I am the sort where my flavor is enhanced by blunt-force trauma applied to the heads of unsuspecting orange-colored apple farming mares wearing fancy stetsons passed down through their families!"
"And why should I take your word for it?"
"Try me."
"How am I supposed to fight an app--"
"Take a bite out of me ya dingus. I swear on the tree you picked me from that it ain't gonna be good."
"You want me to... eat you."
"Am I not a vessel for the next generation of my parent tree? Is my flesh not meant to be consumed as a gift to those who impart life onto the following generation of trees that will one day bear their own fruit? I do not care if you eat me or not, so long as these seeds I protect reach the soil beneath your feet."
"Uh."
"Just eat me dangit. Or throw me at that mare."
"Fine," Spike drew the apple to his mouth and took a bite.
Suffice to say, it was the most godawful-tasting thing he'd tasted in his life. He belched on pure instinct, his arms reflexively pitching the apple at ludicrous speeds to anywhere away from himself.
Unfortunately for Applejack, that happened to by sheer coincidence be directed towards her.
The apple roared in success as it thumped against her cheek.
"Ow, Spike! Whatcha do that for?" Applejack finally turned her attention to Spike, allowing just enough time for Apple Bloom to steal back her phone that she'd planted on the fence in hopes of getting a cutie mark in brainrotting others around her.
"The apple told me to do it," Spike pointed at the apple sitting on the ground beside her. "Also it tastes terrible. I think you should cut down the tree it grew from and use it as firewood."
"Terrible, huh?" Applejack shined the apple on... uh, herself and took a bite from the other side, right where a bruise was forming on the fruit's skin. "By golly, that's the best tastin' apple I've ever had in my life! Whatcha mean it's terrible?"
Spike groaned and walked away.
~~huh~~
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Fluttershy took a religious vow of constant screaming?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger is SCREEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
Fluttershy took a religious vow of constant screaming?
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," Fluttershy screamed matter-of-factly.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," the pastor nodded wisely.
"AAAAAAAAAAA. AAAAA?" unnamed pony #1067821 tilted their head.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" the pastor angrily pointed a hoof at said pony. Fluttershy saluted, picking them up and carrying them over her head to the conveniently-located trebuchet.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Spike ate the Crystal Empire?
Author's Note
whiteoak019 gave him permission.
Spike ate the Crystal Empire?
King Sombra rematerialized at the edge of what was supposed to be the Crystal Empire.
Spike stared directly into his eyes.
"What are you doing here, small dragon?" Sombra growled. "Out of my way. I have an empire I must retake."
"What empire?"
Sombra directed his glare to the former location of the Crystal Empire. Then back to Spike.
Spike burped.
"Oh."
Spike waddled away and inadvertently stepped into a snowbank multiple times taller than he was. He was never found following this incident, and neither was the Crystal Empire.
~~what~~
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the bat ponies protested against the Church of AAAAA on the grounds that it was too similar to their Church of EEEEE?
Author's Note
Scyphi , you must pick a side!
the bat ponies protested against the Church of AAAAA on the grounds that it was too similar to their Church of EEEEE?
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" throngs of batponies swarmed the Church of AAAAA. They pounded against every exposed surface, rattling the structure from the outside in. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." the AAAAA pastor AAAAAAAAAA'd in response. He slammed the door open, still screaming at the top of his lungs. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
He was immediately pummeled by the followers of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
The holy war between the two screaming houses lasted for another two-hundred years, growing and felling empires as the conflict spread.
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Twilight, Gadget, and Spike were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#16)
Author's Note
The following chapters are all collectively part of Project Emphenom #16 and #17. They are story pitches in various stages of completion, ranging from little more than a re-hash of a previous experimental chapter to a complete first chapter/prologue that can already stand on its own. Some of them are written using Twilight and Gadget as the main duo of characters, while others use Lisa and Zoey.
All of them revolve around the same inciting incident: a mysterious "hole" opens up nearby on an otherwise normal day, threatening to (and later succeeding) at swallowing them in some way or another.
These Project Emphenom chapters are meant to pitch a full launch of Fractures here on Fimfiction as an independent story running alongside PE chapters here in What If.
Its continuity is part of a separate AU from the rest of Project Emphenom, so this is a completely new Twilight Sparkle and Gadget compared to the ones from previous chapters.
These pitch chapters (and whatever associated full story that may result) exists within the following hierarchy:
Fractures (original fiction)
Fractures (Fimfiction)
Project Emphenom (Fimfiction - What If)
That is to say, Fractures here on Fimfiction will be derived from Project Emphenom's experimental chapters, and in turn, will itself serve as the basis for an eventual original fiction version of Fractures that I hope to someday publish!
Accordingly, you probably noticed that this chapter is a bit of a re-hash of previous PE chapters. I wanted to start things off with some slice-of-lifey character interactions to fully establish Twilight and Gadget's relationship with each other, as even though Twilight's a canon character, I'm approaching the writing of this like I'm already writing an original fiction piece.
Starting a new fic, of course, is one of the hardest parts of writing. Any and all feedback is encouraged here! I have no idea what I'm doing.
With that, let's kick things off with the very first pitch. Sitting at over 3k words alone, it is by far the most complete of the Twilight/Gadget pairing pitches (at least, as of the time of writing), and is ready to be continued at a moment's notice.
Twilight, Gadget, and Spike were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#16)
“Okay, now brace yourself. It’s important to remember that when casting spells, there’s always a little bit of backlash you have to account for. Especially with more volatile spells like this one, you can easily end up on your behind.”
She nodded, planting her hooves firmly in the dense soil around her. The wind was blowing away from her face, tugging at the tight bun she’d tied her mane into probably for the first time ever.
She momentarily turned her gaze to her mentor, expectant eyes peering through the darkened glass of her sunglasses. Of which sat over her safety glasses. Of which—she paused, pushing the sunglasses up a little. “Twilight, don’t we have any safety glasses that are already darkened like sunglasses? I don’t think stacking them like this is very safe…”
“Not from what I could find,” Twilight lit her horn, repositioning both pairs of glasses. She frowned at the awkward angle the sunglasses sat at before pulling them off. “Alright. Maybe just close your eyes when you cast, that okay with you, Gadget?”
Gadget nodded.
“Alright,” Twilight stepped back a little. “Now then. I want you to take a deep breath. Feel your mana flow in you. You remember what we’re about to do next?”
“Breathe in, feel the flow…” Gadget muttered something under her breath before again turning to her mentor. “…release, right?”
“Release, and? ”
She frowned, lowering her head a little. “Spark?”
“Bingo,” Twilight pat her on the head. “And remember. Control is everything . Spells like this where you’re releasing raw mana from your body make it very easy for backfire to happen.”
“Right, ” Gadget widened her stance a little. She’d done this plenty of times now… well, mentally , at least. She knew all about how fire spells worked thanks to Twilight.
Now it was time to put that knowledge to the test.
She clenched her eyes shut, feeling for that pool of energy residing in her body. Letting it flow up to her horn was supposed to feel sort of like a trickle of warm water running through her. Or like the feeling of blood rushing to her cheeks when she blushes. Or both, maybe.
Slowly, that expected trickle worked its way up.
Control is everything.
Just a month ago, everypony told her that she was too old to learn fire spells because her lack of experience combined with her age meant that one little mistake could blow up a whole room.
Control is everything. Manage the surge.
A sudden rush washed over her as she felt a surge of mana pressing up into her horn. Even with its expected arrival, she grit her teeth. Just like in the books, she diverted the excess energy into a weak, localized spell. In other words, dump it into the aura around her horn.
She didn’t have to open her eyes to tell that it was probably blazing with energy right now. The heat was all she needed to feel.
Next step, ignition .
This part was why she was wearing safety glasses. And why her mane was tied up in a bun instead of her favorite ‘roostertail’ style. And why she was currently bundled up in a heat-resistant coat.
One little modified light spell.
Apparently, flame and light spells weren’t all that different at their most basic. Just that light spells ‘burnt’ mana within the surrounding aura of one’s horn, while flame spells…
The building pressure in her skull tore her thoughts back to reality.
Think later. Fire now.
Gadget let loose the floodgates holding back her mana, simultaneously setting off a pinprick of a light spell at the very tip of her horn—anywhere else and she’d risk burning herself.
Even through her closed eyes, the bright flash of orange and red was all she needed to see to know she’d done it.
Also the heat. Wow that was hot.
“I did it!” she opened an eye, blinking at the dissipating smoke plume in front of her. She pivoted towards Twilight. “Twilight, how was that? My first ever successful fire magic!”
“Just like the textbook demo,” Twilight clapped her hooves. “Might want to release a little faster next time to prevent the ignition from traveling up the stream, but well done!”
“Woo!” Gadget tore the safety glasses from her face. “That took so long to figure out.”
A pink glow enveloped the glasses, lifting them from her grasp.
“I hope this means you won’t be attempting to build anymore flamethrowers, by the way,” Twilight waved the safety equipment in the air. “Spike’s been complaining about you leaving scrap metal on the floor.”
“Yeah, but it’s on the floor on my side of the room,” Gadget blew a raspberry. “You use your bedroom like a workshop too!”
Twilight snorted. “Alright, you got me. Just keep your workspace a little cleaner at least, ‘kay? I don’t want anyone in the castle getting themselves sliced open by some piece of metal left out and about.” She paused, staring up at the sky for a moment. “It’s getting dark out. You know what I liked to do when I was a filly learning this sorta stuff?”
Gadget paused her little personal celebration. “Hm?”
A grin spread across her mentor’s face. “Ice cream. Especially after using spells that give off a lot of heat. You remember that one ice cream shop we went to a few weeks ago? The one where they—”
“Put chocolate syrup on grape ice cream?” Gadget cut in. “Oh yeah, I definitely remember that one. Are they even open this late?”
Twilight shrugged. “’Dunno. Either we can go check, or we stage a raid on whatever flavors I’ve got in the castle. Your pick, miss ‘I just made things go boom’ .”
“Mmmmmmm… let’s see what there is in the freezer then.”
“Oh hey, Twi,” Spike opened the door. “You two are back late today. How’d magic practice go?”
“I finally cast a fire spell!” Gadget cheered.
Spike raised a thumbs-up, smirking a little as he let a flicker of flame escape from his mouth. “Nice. Actually, Twilight—”
Twilight jumped a little at the mention of her name.
“—Do you think it’d be possible to teach Gadget how to use her own fire magic in a similar way to my dragonfire? The whole ‘sending stuff by burning it up’ part, I mean. Not breathing fire.”
“Mmm…” Twilight hummed, scrunching her muzzle. “Maybe . I’ll have to look into what sorta enchantments Celestia uses on her side of things. I haven’t really thought about even doing that myself this whole time.”
“Right, right, ‘cause I’m the mailbox,” Spike opened the door wider. “Alright you two, get in here.”
“You want any ice cream by the way?” Gadget paused beside him as they entered. “Twilight said we’re gonna eat some since I was practicing fire magic today.”
“Only if we’ve still got ruby dust to put on it.”
“Gotcha,” Twilight’s voice responded from down the hall. “Gadget, sprinkles for you?”
Gadget glanced for a moment at the darkening skies outside before scampering after her mentor. “Yup! What sorta flavors do we have again?”
“Last I checked, I know for sure that we’ve got stuff like vanilla and chocolate. I haven’t really kept track all that well of what flavors Celestia keeps sending us without warning, but there were some odd ones I think.”
A heavy boom echoed down the corridor as the doors closed behind them.
…A second boom came from somewhere below them. A shudder tore across the floor and rattled up into the ceiling.
“Twilight, what was that?” Gadget pressed her lips flat, eyes darting about. Did one of Twilight’s experiments explode again? It wouldn’t be the first time—but it’d never shaken the castle like this before.
She turned her head just in time to catch Twilight vanishing in a puff of light.
“Maaaybe we should stand somewhere that isn’t below a chandelier,” Spike tugged lightly at her coat. “C’mon. We’ll stay closer to the door for now.”
Another, more violent shudder rocked through the structure. A dull creak groaned through the air as Spike tugged a little harder.
“Gadget, let’s go. Twilight will take care of it.”
She stepped back, leaning away from the apparent source of the noise. “Y-yeah.”
Twilight will take care of it.
The two retreated to the doorway. Gadget warily eyed the swaying light fixtures lining the ceiling. Maybe it was an earthquake instead? It’d explain the shaking, though the boom from below… gas leak?
Hopefully, Twilight was okay.
She glanced over at Spike. He was writing something out. Probably a letter to Celestia.
The creaking noise grew louder. She could almost feel the swaying of the floor beneath them now. And if not that, then she could at least see it in the walls. Polycrystalline—or whatever it was that Twilight called it—walls were not supposed to be moving like that. Even if the whole ‘poly’ part was talking about how the crystals weren’t actually a singular giant crystal.
Walls should not be wobbly like that.
“We should go outside,” Spike pushed the door open behind her. “I don’t think the castle’s safe to be in right now.”
“Yeah.”
They stepped outside. From here, it was even more obvious that something was happening beneath the castle. The entire building groaned with the sound of crystal grinding against crystal, its starburst spire swaying precariously in the air.
Hushed voices whispered amongst themselves behind her. Gadget looked over her shoulder, peering at the Ponyville residents that’d gathered over the commotion. They must’ve felt the trembles as well.
“Woah,” Rainbow Dash yawned, dipping down from above. “What’s going on?”
“No idea ,” Spike idly tapped the scroll he’d been writing against himself. He looked down. “—oh, I should probably send this real quick.”
He sucked in a breath.
“Get away! ” Twilight blinked into existence, flaring her wings. Her coat glimmered with crystal dust in the dwindling light of day. “Something’s opening up under the castle. I don’t know what , but there’s a good chance that it could swallow both the castle and the surrounding area. Spike, I want you to—”
Spike coughed, spurts of smoke still streaming from his nostrils as he held up the still-unsent scroll. “Was going to right before you teleported in front of me.”
Twilight grimaced. “Sorry. Er, Rainbow? What are you doing up so late?”
“Same as everypony else,” she finally touched down on the ground. “What the buck is going on in your castle?”
“I don’t know how to really describe it in full. It’s like…” Twilight’s brow furrowed as she glanced back at the castle. “It’s like a hole of some kind. I can’t see into it at all no matter how much light I shine. And rather than being a hole in the ground , it’s more…”
She sat back on her haunches, tracing the shape of a sphere with her hooves. “Ball of darkness -y. Like the hole opened mid-air, somehow.”
“I can go—”
“No, ” Twilight stopped Rainbow before she could take off. “I’m not risking anyone here but myself. Spike, is the letter sent yet?”
Spike popped a thumbs-up.
“Alright. Rainbow, in the meantime, you and Gadget can help set up a perimeter around the castle. I don’t want anyone getting too close while whatever’s happening down there plays out. Mayor Mare should have some caution tape that you can use.”
“I don’t know—” Rainbow lifted off the ground, hovering just above eye-level. “Twi, are you sure you should be bringing a filly along with you for something like this? Like, I get that I should help, but I don’t think that she should be hanging around so close to danger.”
Twilight glanced at Gadget. Then back at Rainbow. “She can direct ponies away from the area then while you work. I’d rather be able to keep an eye on her in a time like this given what’s happening. She’s both my student and my responsibility while her parents are away, and I—”
“I can do all of that,” Rainbow scooped Gadget off the ground. “Gadget’s going to Sugarcube Corner. I know you want her to learn and whatever by helping out, but this is not the time for that. I can get the rest of the gang here if you need me to.”
Gadget wiggled her legs aimlessly below her. It was weird seeing Rainbow Dash being so protective like this.
Twilight let out a sigh. “Right. Okay. Yes, please, keep Gadget safe in the meantime. I—”
The ground rocked as a wing of the castle teetered, then crumbled into the lower floors.
Silence hung in the air following the collapse. Rainbow Dash lingered for a little longer before taking off with Gadget in tow.
“You think Twilight’s gonna be okay?” Gadget watched the rooftops pass underneath them as they flew. “She looked kinda beat-up when she teleported out.”
“She’s tougher than she looks. She’ll be alright.”
Gadget stared back at the castle as it shrunk into the distance. A crackle rose from behind them as the main spire fell.
“Spike already wrote to Celestia and Luna, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
They landed in front of Sugarcube Corner. “You stay here with Pinkie and the Cakes. I’m going back to help Twilight, ‘kay? If I land on the roof later, then that’s your signal to tell Pinkie to come over. If anything else happens, then I want you to run. ”
Gadget nodded.
“Good,” Rainbow took back to the air. “I’ll let you know if it’s safe to come back.”
Gadget sat on the doorstep, cradling her chin in her hooves. It’d been a while since Rainbow left. Pinkie also went out to help earlier as well, so somehow, she was now the one in charge. Over the Cake twins, at least. Not that that really meant much since they were asleep anyway.
A few times now, she’d seen Royal Canterlot Guards land somewhere near where the castle was. She couldn’t quite tell for sure where they were landing given the whole ‘the castle’s falling into a giant hole’ thing, but they were probably sent thanks to Spike’s letter. In fact, even Celestia herself showed up. It was a little hard to tell given the distance, but her being bigger than everypony else did make her easier to notice.
Maybe she could sneak off and check what was going on?
No , she mentally scolded herself. She had to stay here where it’s safe.
Her ears perked at a distant rumble coming from the castle’s direction. Either the castle was collapsing even more now, or maybe Twilight and the rest figured out a way to stop it and start putting things back together.
She yawned, leaning back against the door behind her. Maybe she should just go to bed and hope everything was better by tomorrow.
The moon hung high in the sky.
Gadget stared at the distant ball of rock. To think that Luna not only managed the moon, but the stars as well…
A ray of darkness shot across the soft glow of the moon. Then another. And another one after that.
Her eyes shot to their source.
The castle.
“Uh—” she stood up, pressing herself against the door. “Mister Cake, we might want to move a little further away. Just in case.”
A muffled voice came from behind the door before it opened. Mr. Cake peered out, his attention also quickly drawn to the growing spiderweb of cracks spreading across the sky.
Another tendril of darkness raced mid-air past their eyes and down the street, widening a little before closing itself up like a zipper.
“Alright, yeah, we need to move, now— ” Gadget pulled the door wider open. “Go help Missus Cake get the twi—”
Mr. Cake had already disappeared back into the house. The clatter of furniture from inside was all she needed to hear to know that her message came across.
Her gaze shifted back to the cracks. The ones that hung over the moon were already dissipating, though every few seconds another black line would race across again to replenish them.
Whatever the heck was happening right now, she didn’t like it one bit.
Mister and Missus Cake both stumbled out, each one with a twin in tow. Mister Cake grimaced at the sight surrounding them, glancing for a moment down at Gadget.
She pointed a hoof away from Twilight’s castle; away from the source.
Mister Cake gave his silent acknowledgement before fleeing. Gadget lingered at the doorstep for another few seconds.
She should go with them.
She should check on Twilight.
She had to run.
She should stay back and help more ponies flee.
She needed to get away.
She should—
“Gadget!” Twilight burst in with a flash of light in front of her. She was even more disheveled now than she was before. “Gadget, we need to go. Now. The hole’s spiraling out of control now. Celestia’s doing everything she can to hold back its growth in the meantime, but she won’t last forever. I’m not sure how big it’ll grow to, but right now all that matters is that we get ourselves to safety.”
“I—” Gadget looked between Twilight and the writhing mass of darkness just visible from over the rooftops now. “What about Rainbow Dash? Or Pinkie? Weren’t they helping?”
“We’re going and that’s final, ” Twilight lit her horn, scooping Gadget up onto her back. “They did what they could.”
…Could?
A distant crash rung through the air.
“Twilight, I’m scared.”
She felt Twilight’s wings fold over her.
“We’ll get out of this,” Twilight stepped back, “We can retreat to the Crystal Empire for now. Figure out what’s happening from a safe dist—ack! ”
Gadget tumbled down to the ground, eyes wide with horror as her gaze latched onto the widening strip of darkness that Twilight was now ensnared in.
“Bucking—Celestia—stars above! ” Twilight seethed, pulling against the foreleg sunken into the darkness. “It’s not coming out!”
“Twilight…”
Twilight craned her head as much as she could in her current position.
Gadget’s gaze drifted downward. To that same inky darkness that surrounded her own hooves.
“Twilight, I can’t feel my hooves.”
Twilight cringed. She lit her horn, tugging Gadget as hard as she could against the encroaching darkness.
“Ow…”
Twilight released her grip. The darkness was up to their flanks now. Or rather, they’d descended down to their flanks.
“Twilight, I’m scared,” Gadget repeated. She held her head as high as she could above the darkness. “Are we going to die?”
“No we aren’t, ” Twilight snapped back.
“You’re lying,” Gadget wheezed, her breaths growing shallower. “I can hear it in your voice.”
The last thing she saw was Twilight lighting her horn one more time.
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(alternate beginning/scrapped) Twilight, Gadget, and Spike were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#16.1)
Author's Note
This chapter, much like the previous one, is a pitch that utilizes Twilight and Gadget as characters. This was actually written first , and the 3k-word chapter second. However, I ran into some mild writer's block after the scene transition when Twilight tells Gadget that they should head home after the sinkhole has opened. I ended up resolving it with the return of the ice cream PE chapter in the 3k-word pitch, although it could've just as easily fit here instead. For that reason, aside from how they open, these two chapters are very much alternate versions of each other.
The previous chapter spends less time building things up, instead being far more straight-to-the-point as it transitions from the opening slice-of-life into the dread-ridden incident that would kick off the rest of the fic. This one by comparison starts off in a similar way to PE#4, with Gadget explaining to Twilight why she's building a flamethrower.
(alternate beginning/scrapped) Twilight, Gadget, and Spike were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#16.1)
Thunk.
She stuck her tongue out a little, carefully lighting her horn again. She had to be reeeeaaaally slow with this, 'cause if she went too fast, then the whole thing could go boom! Or fall apart. Probably fall apart more than going boom.
Click.
There. That was the final piece. The weird nozzle thingy that--
"Gadget,"
A chill ran up the filly's spine. "Yesssss?" she slowly looked up, her eyes meeting the mare looming behind her.
"Gadget, you know that you should keep the fuel line disconnected when you're working on stuff like this, even if the valve's turned off. One little spark is all it takes for the table, or even the whole room to burst into flames."
Gadget hung her head. "Sorry, Twilight."
"Just be careful, 'kay?" Twilight sat down beside her on the workbench, ruffling her mane before leaning a little closer. "So, whatcha workin' on this time? Usually when you're working on stuff by yourself it's something a lot more mechanical in nature."
Gadget grinned as she slid the contraption over. "My own kind of homemade fire magic! See?" she lit her horn again, flipping the device onto its side. "You already saw the fuel tube and stuff. There's this biiiig long tube here that goes down to the can of hairspray. I took off the actual spray part so that the tube can--"
"Gadget, that's a flamethrower." Twilight pulled Gadget's creation closer. "You made it hoof-mounted? Does it even have a valve in the first place to control--"
"Yeeeeee!"
"Are you sure you should be doing this?"
"Everypony keeps telling me that I'm too old to learn fire magic," Gadget took her flamethrower back. She slid her hoof into the mount. "Miss Cheerilee says that since I didn't learn the basics when I was younger, it's possible that I might not be able to control my magic well enough and make the fire go crazy and stuff. Something about how I have more mana or whatever compared to the magic kindergarteners."
She stared down at the device for a little longer in silence.
Moving around as much as she did sucked .
"Gadget," Twilight placed her own hoof on the device. "I think there'd be more concern over a filly walking around with something like this strapped to her than if she was a little late to learning some basic spells. Did you ask anypony to teach you before you made this?"
"You," Gadget retracted her hoof from beneath Twilight's. "You told me the same thing when I asked. You asked me if I knew about how ignition works and if I knew how to 'regulate my mana output'." she lit her horn, turning a valve on her flamethrower. "Even after I learned all that stuff, you still told me that you couldn't teach me here!"
She twirled her gauntleted hoof in a circle. A series of clicks rung out from the device with each cycle before a small flame flickered to life at the tip of her hoof. "So I took everything I learned, and I built this instead! I promise that this one's extra safe!"
"This one?" Twilight's gaze drifted to the heap of scrap beside the workbench--much of which bore visible singe marks.
Gadget waved her hooves in front of Twilight. "'Inventing and building new things is a process filled with failure' , that's another thing that you told me. Even if I can't do magic very well, I still wanna make cool stuff like you!"
"Such as..."
"Book sorting machine," Gadget began, "The weird grass machine thingy, um..." she tapped her free on her desk in thought. "Oh, and the mirror portal that you brought back! I know you didn't build all of it by yourself, but you built a ton of stuff all around it. Anyway, watch this!"
She turned a dial on her gauntleted hoof. The flame shrunk to a dim glow, emitting a quiet buzz that filled the air. She pointed her hoof at a sheet of paper on her desk, grinning at Twilight as it lifted.
"I gave it a mode where I can use it to make stuff move around instead of burn!"
Twilight's eyes followed the sheet as it hovered about. "Gadget," she turned her head. "I told you I couldn't teach you here . Not that I wouldn't teach you at all."
The paper floated back down to the desk's surface.
"Really?" Gadget turned the dial back on her flame gauntlet. "You mean--"
"Got a wide-open field waiting for you," Twilight ruffled her mane again.
"Alright! Especially given your lack of control, I want you to plant your hooves firmly in the ground, got that?"
Gadget nodded, glancing down at the soil beneath her.
"Wider stance!" Twilight shouted from the sidelines. "We don't know how strongly it'll come out on this first time, so you'll want to brace yourself before you get blown away."
Gadget adjusted herself.
"Now, I want you to feel the flow of mana inside you. Normally, you'd do this without really thinking when you're using your magic for, say, telekinesis. But this is where the risk comes into play. Instead of giving yourself a target object to pick up or manipulate, all you do this time is release ."
"Does that mean I'm actually burning my mana, then?"
"Something like that. Ready?"
"Ready!"
Twilight stepped back a little more, a faint glow enveloped around her horn.
"Go!"
Gadget shut her eyes. Just like she always did when she was using her horn, she felt a trickle of warmth work its way through her body. It almost felt like she was blushing in a way, except that instead of going to her cheeks, it went to her horn instead.
She didn't have to open her eyes to know that her horn was probably blazing with magic right now.
One last step, ignition .
Gadget clenched her jaw, mentally diverting a portion of the mana collecting at the tip of her horn into a basic light spell. A little bit stronger than what she'd usually do for it--just enough that it'd make things heat up really fast for a split second.
Shoom! A tremble ran through the ground.
Wait.
Gadget opened her eyes, mana still sitting in an unstable aura wrapped around her horn as the shuddering beneath her intensified. "Twilight--" she wavered on her hooves, gaze darting up to her horn.
She had to fire off the spell now before it backfired on her.
"Let it out!" Twilight shouted, her own horn's glow intensifying as her pink aura wrapped around Gadget's legs. "All at once if you have to! I'll pull you over immediately after!"
Gadget did exactly that.
The wave of heat she felt from earlier intensified into an inferno burning from her chest to her horn. For probably the first time ever, she could feel the flow of mana--not just in the metaphorical 'how to control your magic' kind of way that she'd been taught before, but like, physically . It was hard to really describe it, too. Electric feeling, maybe? Bubbling?
Didn't matter right now. She poured all the mana she had out, raw and unrestricted. She clenched her eyes shut again, bracing herself against the rocking ground beneath her as she let a momentary spark erupt from the tip of her horn into the stream of mana.
Another wave of heat, this time external, hit her like a wall as the fireball in front of her burst into existence. At almost the same time, the ground beneath her fell away.
"Gadget!"
"Mmm. Your parents aren't gonna like hearing about this."
Gadget stirred, turning over in Twilight's lap and groaning. Every part of her was sore right now. Like she was run through a shredder and then dunked in hot water.
"You're lucky I was holding onto you already, that's all I'm saying."
She opened her eyes, looking around at their surroundings. She turned her head, staring at the giant pit that'd opened where she was standing earlier.
"I did that?" she pointed a hoof.
Twilight shook her head. "I'd be more than impressed if you did, but no. Not entirely, at least. That sinkhole opened up from a combination of whatever earthquake hit us and the blast from the explosion you made. Just stay still for now. Even though you did release it before any permanent damage can happen, you're still showing some signs of backfire. Being surprised by the earthquake really didn't help, either."
For the second time, Gadget felt herself lift into the air. Twilight stood up beside her, her horn still glowing as she draped the filly over her back.
"Let's head back home."
"Yeah."
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Lisa, Zoey, and Caleb were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#17)
Author's Note
And here we go! The second full Fractures pitch to choose from. Together with PE#16, this chapter represents the other path that Fractures here on Fimfiction may potentially begin.
This start is, by its nature of who the characters are, far closer to how the theoretical original fiction version of Fractures would eventually begin. You'll notice that there are a number of identical moments between this chapter and PE#16, where Twilight, Gadget, and Spike swap out Lisa, Zoey, and Caleb, respectively. This was done in order to keep both pitches more or less on the same pace as each other, as well as to make sure that they functioned just as they intended--as alternate versions of each other for y'all to pick from.
Regardless of whether PE#16 or PE#17 is chosen, the next chapter that'd follow would be one that introduces, in a new, standalone Fractures , Void Gadget.
I hope you enjoy.
Lisa, Zoey, and Caleb were displaced into an alternate universe? (PE#17)
“Okay, now lower the tip to the pin. Careful, careful—you want the flat edge of the iron’s tip to be what’s touching the pin, not the tip itself. Remember, the larger surface area transfers heat faster.”
She nodded, moving her hand under the guidance of her mentor. She felt the heat radiating off the device in her hands even as she held it with the safety of work gloves. A curl of smoke rose from the pin as she touched it.
Just like in the videos she’d watched, the thin, silvery wire she fed in with her other hand melted on contact, almost… kinda being sucked in to the pin in a way.
She flinched at the associated sizzling.
“Don’t worry about the smoke. That’s just the flux. You remember what it does?”
She momentarily turned her gaze to her mentor, expectant eyes peering through her safety glasses, then back to the board in front of her. The metal had already resolidified without the heat of the iron, its shiny molten surface fading back to a dull sheen.
“Go on, you’re the one holding the soldering iron.”
“It… makes the metal stick better?” she tilted her head, her voice muffled behind the thick mask covering her face. “Lisa, can’t we just use the fan thingy to suck away the smoke? This mask is making my face all sweaty.”
“Close enough. And no can do,” Lisa reached beside her, flicking on the switch. A dull whine rose from the boxy fan in front of her. “But thanks for reminding me about the fume extractor anyway. Now you’ll be extra safe!”
She stared back at her.
Lisa pulled her stool closer to the workbench. “Listen. Zoey, if you get yourself hurt in any way here, there’s a good chance your parents won’t let you come around anymore. They were already pretty iffy about me when they found out about what I do, so the safer you are, the better. Just… endure it for now, alright? I’ll try and find some lighter masks for next time. Careful now—” Lisa placed her hand over her own again, guiding it back down. “Zoey, if you’re not using the soldering iron then put it back in its stand. Don’t wave it around, ‘cause not only is it sharp , but it’s pretty burny too. I’m sure you know that second part pretty well at this point.”
Right. She mentally winced at the memory of the first time she’d tried soldering. The blister on her finger took a while to finally go away, and Lisa got into big trouble for letting that happen. It was also the moment she learned it was probably a good idea to tie her hair into a bun when working with hot stuff instead of her favorite ‘roostertail’ style.
But… yeah. No touching burny hot things, and no letting those things touch her hair either.
Zoey placed the iron back in its metal stand, shaking her hands out.
“Sweaty hands?”
“Yeah.”
“Want to watch me solder the first few pins before you try again?”
Zoey’s gaze fell to the circuit board in front of her. Then, up to her mentor.
“…Yeah.”
“Alright,” Lisa pulled the iron in its stand closer to herself. She pulled it from its mount, gesturing with her free hand for the board. “Especially when soldering down bigger things, what’s the first thing I should do? Pretend you’re teaching me this time.”
Zoey slid the board over, her brows already furrowing in thought. “You touch the tip to the pin, right?”
“’Dunno, teach,” Lisa poked the board with a finger. “You’re the expert right now, don’t ask me.”
“Okay then. Touch the tip to the pin.”
Lisa did exactly that. She looked back up at her.
“And then… feed the solder wi—no, flux!” Zoey grabbed a pasty-yellow syringe and passed it over. “Take off the iron from the pin and squirt a little bit of flux paste across the pins you wanna solder.”
“Alright, that’s done,” Lisa set the syringe aside. She was fast at squeezing out the flux paste!
“And then next, you get the solder wire, and you hold it near the pin.”
“Done.”
“After that,” Zoey gestured with her hands, constructing a makeshift diagram. Her gaze shifted for a moment to the tip of the soldering iron in Lisa’s hands before returning to Lisa herself. “After that, because we’re using a knife-style tip, you want to press the flat edge against the pin. That way, more heat can transfer faster.”
“Good,” Lisa did exactly that. “And nice work on the explanation, too!”
Zoey grinned underneath her mask. “Okay, and now, you push some of the solder wire into the part of the pin that’s touching the soldering iron. And you want to make sure that it makes a nice cone around the pin when it melts, too.”
“And that’s it!” Lisa soldered the pin in place before replacing the iron on its stand. “Though, we’re using the rosin-core kind of solder wire, so we don’t exactly need additional flux in this scenario. Now, you try doing it yourself. I won’t say anything this time, ‘kay?”
Zoey nodded, closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. It’s just soldering. She’s watched Lisa do it so many times before, and just now, she’s even pretend-taught her how to do it. She can do this.
She opened her eyes and reached for the iron, simultaneously pulling the circuit board back in front of her. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Lisa adjust the temperature of the iron.
Focus.
She lowered the iron’s tip to the next pin over. That same sizzling from before returned as the remaining flux in the area melted and boiled. The iron teetered a little before she adjusted her grip. She pulled the length of solder wire over.
Control is everything.
Well, heat too, but Lisa was controlling that for her already.
Control is everything, she mentally repeated again. She touched the solder wire to the thin crevice between the pin and the edge of the soldering iron, feeding until what looked like a decently-big cone of metal had formed around the pin.
She shifted to the next pin after that and repeated the process. And the one after that. And again and again.
“Looks like you found your groove,” Lisa chuckled. “If you’re feeling brave, I’ve got some surface-mount boards sitting around that you can practice with as well. You gotta have a very steady hand to work on those without screwing something up.”
“I know. I do,” Zoey finished up the final pin on the board, holding the completed construction up to the shop light. “How’s this look by the way?”
She set the iron back in its stand and stretched, letting out a quiet squeak as she did so.
“You used a little bit too much solder on some of the pins, but that’s not a problem with these big through-hole stuff,” Lisa hovered over her shoulder. “Textbook work there aside from that, though. Definitely better than the blob of conductive glue you showed me when you said you wanted to build a robot like the ones you saw on TV. You wanna try your hand at surface mount stuff tonight?”
“Mmmnah.”
Lisa retreated back to her stool. “Hmph. Fair enough.…”
Zoey traced her mentor’s gaze to the garage window.
“It’s getting pretty late.”
“Yup,” Lisa kept her eyes fixed on the window. “If you need to stay the night again, I’ve already got some spare blankets and stuff set up from last time. I know your parents work late…” she blinked, a grin spreading across her face. “Actually, you know how I liked to spend my evenings when I was your age?”
“Hm?”
“Ice cream, ” Lisa’s grin grew wider. “Especially on summer nights like tonight! A nice bowl of ice cream and some movie or show to watch. You remember that one ice cream shop we went to a few weeks back? The uh—” she twirled her hand in thought. “The one where they have the weird flavors. Chocolate syrup on—”
“Grape ice cream!” Zoey cut in. She tore off her mask. “Oh yeah, I definitely remember that place. Are they even open this late?”
“Mmm, probably not. Wanna see what we’ve got in the freezer instead?” Lisa stepped around her to the bulky chest freezer against the wall. “Come pick something for yourself. With how often you’re over, you’re practically my little sister at this point. It’s only fair that I treat you like one. Actually —” she pulled back, leaving the door open. “Yeah, find something for yourself real quick, I’m gonna go ask Caleb if he wants anything too.”
She dashed for the garage door, flinging it open.
“Oh hey, Lis,” Caleb’s voice responded to the intrusion. “Was about to ask if you two were done yet.”
“Yeah, just finished. I was gonna ask you if you and your friends wanted any ice cream. How smelly is the basement getting with the three of you down there?”
Zoey rummaged through the freezer, pushing aside frozen burritos and waffles until the layer of ice cream bars met her eye. It didn’t look like there were any tubs of ice cream though, so it was just this one flavor.
She took a cream-orange colored bar. Lisa was still talking to Caleb about something, so she’d might as well grab one for her as well.
“Get one for my brother too,” Lisa stuck her head back in the garage.
Three orange ice cream bars it is!
She shut the freezer door, following Lisa into the house. “I got the ice cream!” she held a pair of bars out in front of her. “I didn’t see any other flavors so I just got orange for everyone.”
“Sweet,” Caleb took one. “And uh…” he let out a small chuckle. “I think I know what happened to the rest of the ice cream.”
“Goober squad down in the basement ate it up,” Lisa began unwrapping her own ice cream bar. “That’s my guess.”
“…Yeah.”
“Called it.”
A dull shudder ran through the house. Nothing very big, but definitely noticeable.
Lisa’s eyes shifted to the stairwell going down to the basement. Then back to her brother.
“You two stay here. I’ll send your friends back up and check the basement.”
Zoey watched Lisa descend the stairs. Maybe there was another earthquake happening? Or maybe one of Lisa’s things went pop in storage for some reason. Though, she didn’t really keep much if anything in the basement as far as her stuff goes, and the only thing that could possibly go pop were batteries. And in that case…
She pushed the idea from her mind. The fire alarms weren’t going off, so it probably wasn’t batteries.
Another shudder rolled through the house.
“We should probably head outside,” Caleb interrupted her thoughts. “I wouldn’t want anything falling on my head if this turns out to be the Big One that people keep saying is coming. Even if it’s not an earthquake, Lis will take care of it. She always does.”
Zoey pulled open the garage door. “Y-yeah.”
Lisa will take care of it.
She eyed the swaying tools hanging on the wall as they exited. Even here in the garage, the house swayed with whatever was happening underneath. The movement wasn’t all that noticeable through the floor, but—
“Zoey, c’mon,” Caleb’s voice cut through the fog. She shot one more cautious glance at the closed door to the house behind them before following.
Hopefully, Lisa was okay. Same went for Caleb’s friends. They were taking a pretty long time to come out from the basement.
“You think they’ll be alright?” she joined Caleb on the concrete.
“Hopefully.”
Her attention lingered on him for a little longer before returning to the house in front of them.
Caleb was scared, too.
A heavy boom echoed out from somewhere inside the structure, causing both herself and Caleb to jump. The entire house groaned in response.
“Alright, I’m calling emergency services,” Caleb reached for his pocket. “Zoey, you stay here. I’m not sure if Lisa’s coming back out anytime soon, so I’m in charge of you now. ‘Kay? I’m gonna tell our neighbors to stay back just in case. This could be a gas leak.”
He motioned for her to back away even further, grimacing as another shudder, this one far stronger than before, rocked the pavement. He dialed a number, holding the phone up to his ear.
“Get away! ” a voice rose from somewhere inside. Zoey’s eyes lit up as Lisa emerged, coughing. “Go! It’s not safe to be near here!” she shooed them away. “Caleb, call mom and dad! Zoey, I need you to get in touch with your own parents, now .”
“What about my friends?” Caleb shouted back.
“I’m working on it. ”
“Bu—”
“Don’t let anyone come close. Got it?”
“I—”
“I’ll be back. I promise.”
Caleb’s frown deepened as he turned his attention to the emergency operator on the phone. Lisa slipped back inside.
Hushed voices whispered amongst themselves behind her. Zoey looked over her shoulder, peering at the gathering neighbors on the sidewalk. They must’ve heard whatever kind of explosion that was from earlier.
Sirens wailed in the distance.
Lisa was taking an awfully long time inside.
Zoey looked to Caleb again. He was still on the phone, his eyes looking increasingly frantic.
“Where’s Lisa?” a voice behind her asked.
She turned, golden-brown eyes meeting her own blue.
She shifted her glance back to the unstable structure in front of them.
“You can’t be serious,” the girl stood back up. She jogged over to Caleb. “What the heck is happening? Is your sister still in there?”
Caleb pulled his phone aside for a moment, covering the microphone with his hand. “Emily, now’s not the time. Lisa’s trying to ge—”
“And let the friend I’ve known for almost as long as you’ve existed hang around in there?”
“Seriously, Emi. Lisa said to not let anyone get close.”
“And you’re just gonna let that happen?” Emily stepped back. “Caleb, that’s your sister in there! Shouldn’t you at least try to help?”
“I am! ” Caleb choked, bringing his phone closer again. “I’m trying! She told me to not let anyone go in!”
Emily stared at the house. Then shot a glare at Caleb.
“I’m going in.”
“Seriously, don—”
Another boom rose from the house. The lights glowing behind the windows flickered in response.
Zoey kept her eyes on the garage door.
Lisa was going to come out any second now. And she’d have all of Caleb’s friends with her, and then the firefighters or whoever Caleb was calling would come and make sure that the gas leak was all fixed before anything else can happen! And then after everything’s done, Lisa’s mom and dad would come back from work, and nothing would be wrong.
That’s how things were supposed to work, right?
A slow, rolling crackle tore through the air. The sides of the building teetered inward ever so slightly, as if some invisible giant had begun crushing the house in on itself.
Please, let Lisa be—
The door slammed open, the thud as it hit the basement door behind it pulling her from her thoughts.
“Lisa!” Emily took off. “Thank goodness you’re safe! I’m pretty sure the whole neighborhood is closing in… on…”
Her steps slowed to a tentative shuffle. “Lisa?”
The corridor was empty.
The doorframe let out a final groan before buckling, tearing itself hinge by hinge from the door it once retained.
“Firefighters and ambulances are coming,” Caleb finally lowered his phone. “Emi, don’t go any closer. You know my sister wouldn’t want anyone else getting hurt.”
A muffled thumping drew their eyes back to the door. Or at least, what was left of it.
Another bump bounced the door back by its one remaining hinge. It momentarily shut against the warped frame before slamming open again to reveal a panting Lisa.
Tears streamed down her face.
Her lips spoke for her where her voice had faltered.
“I couldn’t save them.”
She stumbled down the few steps between the doorway and the garage, coughing weakly as she supported her steps with the work tables she passed. “Caleb… I’m so, so sorry… I—”
Caleb rushed past, wrapping his arms around her in a tear-stricken embrace. Zoey joined in after him, quiet sobs rising from herself to join the bawling of the boy beside her.
“Save them from what?” Emily’s voice cut through their cries. Zoey felt Lisa’s arm lift off her head as they started moving back out to the driveway.
“The darkness.”
Zoey pulled her face back from Lisa’s shirt, peering up into her trembling eyes.
“The darkness,” Emily repeated. She ushered her friend to sit. “Is there any more specific way you can describe it?”
The house shuddered in front of them again; violently enough this time that several tools clattered to the floor in the garage.
The sirens drew closer.
“It’s happening again,” Lisa muttered under her breath. “It was almost up to the main floor when I got out.”
“What is happening again?” Emily pressed. She squat down to Lisa. “C’mon, you’re always the one using the big fancy jargon words out of the two of us. Spit it out.”
“The darkness! ” Lisa repeated. “How else can I put it? It’s this… this ball of darkness. Like a hole, but hanging mid-air. And the cracks— ”
As if on cue, a ray of black shot past them. It hung in the air, thickening for a few seconds as if it were a blotch of ink bleeding into paper. It lingered for a handful more before shrinking away into nothingness.
Zoey’s eyes shot to the source.
The house.
She watched Emily trace the same path with her own gaze before turning her focus back to Lisa.
“What was that?”
“Do you think I know?!” Lisa tore away from her brother. “Those things shot off from the hole that swallowed my little brother’s friends! Do you think I’d even dare to touch them?”
Zoey peeked out from under her mentor’s arm.
Emily sighed, her face remaining fixed in a furrowed mix of frustration and confusion.
“Nevermind.”
Another tendril rocketed past, taking a sharp turn and shooting up above their heads.
Zoey gasped, burying her face again in Lisa’s shirt. She slowly pulled away again, staring at the jagged, inky-black beam hanging in the air above them.
“Lisa, I’m scared.”
“We have to go, ” Lisa said through gritted teeth. She pushed herself off the ground. “Emi, you help keep everyone else back. Even the first-responders if you can. There’s nobody left to save. All we can do is keep everyone else at a safe distance. We’ll get out of this,” she stepped past Emily. “Figure out what’s happening from a safe dist—ack! ”
Zoey stumbled, eyes wide with horror as her gaze latched onto the widening strip of darkness Lisa was now ensnared in.
“Fu—” Lisa seethed, pulling on the leg sunken into the darkness. “No, no, no, it’s not coming out!”
“Lisa…”
Lisa craned her head as much as she could in her current position.
Zoey’s gaze drifted downward. To that same inky darkness that surrounded her own feet.
“Lisa, I can’t feel my feet.”
Caleb grabbed Lisa by her arms, tugging as hard as he could. He glanced down at the encroaching darkness and adjusted his footing. “C’mon, Lis,” his erratic voice came out in an almost-laugh. “We gotta go now! You said so yourself.”
A sudden pain shot through her legs as Emily’s arm hooked around her own. “You too, Zoey. Your parents would kill Lisa if she let you d—”
“We are not going to die!” Lisa snapped back.
“You’re lying,” Zoey wheezed, her breaths growing shallower. “I can hear it in your voice.”
She glanced downward. The darkness was up to her knees now. Or rather, she’d descended down to her knees. The same went for Lisa, despite Caleb and Emi’s efforts. From the corner of her eye, she saw the crowds of people that’d come to watch approach.
Maybe to help.
Hopefully to help.
“Stay back!” Lisa shouted. “Stand back, and get as far as you can from here. I don’t want anyone else to be caught up in this.”
She stared directly into her brother’s eyes. “You too. I’m sorry, Caleb. Emi. Please. Run. ”
Zoey felt Lisa grab her hand, a determined look on what parts of her face she could see.
The last thing she felt was Lisa dragging that hand downward, ducking into the darkness against her brother’s anguished screams.
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the next chapter was written in all lowercase letters, and the characters could feel something was off.
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger , I feel a disturbance in the ~~force~~ horse.
the next chapter was written in all lowercase letters, and the characters could feel something was off.
twilight's ears perked. "spike, can you feel that?"
"feel what?" spike looked up from his comic book. "twilight if you're sensing that another bird just flew into the side of the castle then i think you should start wearing earplugs or something."
"no no it's not that. it's..." she gestured vaguely with her hooves. "it's just this weird feeling. like something's off, but only enough to notice. it isn't malicious, or even malignant. just... there ."
"mmmmm," spike set down his reading material. "i guess there might be something up. there's a little weird feeling welling up. that's what you're talking about, right?"
"yeah. a disturbance in the horse."
"please don't ever say that again, twi."
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Twilight decided that the "something off" was that the world was sideways and panics?
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. View Online
Luna and her Vidya Gaems were to blame for Twilight's perception of sidewaysness?
Author's Note
The previous chapter reached 50,005 words, Juxtaponition !
Luna and her Vidya Gaems were to blame for Twilight's perception of sidewaysness?
Luna slapped her Rockulus Cliff headset onto Twilight. "Boom! And now you're in a virtual world!"
Five years of a life she never knew she lived abruptly flashed through her mind all at once .
"Wh--" Twilight tore off the headset, staggering about in a feeble attempt to catch her balance. "What did you do to me?"
Luna tilted her head cluelessly.
"The world..." Twilight steadied herself by a table. "It's sideways! "
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every time Pinkie Pie entered a room, the Rick Roll song plays.
Author's Note
RAHHHHHHHHHHHH, I RETURN, RandomCommentor !
every time Pinkie Pie entered a room, the Rick Roll song plays.
Pinkie Pie slammed the door to Twilight's library open. In an instant, everything not nailed or screwed down went flying as a certain song blasted through the open corridor at deafening volumes.
That includes Twilight by the way. Yeah, she was blown out the window 'cause she didn't suspect a thing. Yes, yes, she's being carried to a hospital right now...
...by Pinkie.
~~something something nuclear rickroll something idk it's 2 AM~~
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post-mortem existential dread leading to 4th wall-shattering ramifications but it actually breaks the 4th wall and Gadget gets a hug? (PE#10.5)
Author's Note
screams in may or may not have the beginnings of carpal tunnel according to my doctor
Woo! Zoey/Gadget getting a peaceful moment in her life for once? Now that's rare. Added a whole lotta new content alongside rewriting much of what was previously written for PE#10. Definitely happy with how this turned out given the feedback and questions I've received on PE#10.
post-mortem existential dread leading to 4th wall-shattering ramifications but it actually breaks the 4th wall and Gadget gets a hug? (PE#10.5)
Zoey swung her legs over the edge of the makeshift porch, her plushie sitting in her lap after finally being mended. “Thanks for letting me hang around here all the time, by the way. It’s nice being able to travel back to someplace where I can actually be myself, y’know?” She lowered her gaze to the yellow mane draping over the stuffed animal.
“Ah, don’t sweat it. I’ll be here for a long, long time,” Gadget’s face peeked out from above the overhang. A flicker ran across her face. “Maybe even forever, for all I know.”
She slipped back from the edge, metallic thumps ringing out as she climbed down from her perch. “You ever wonder why we’re the only ones here? Like—” she stepped out from the inside of her little scrap hut, dusting off her hands. “If I’m here ‘cause I’m… well, dead , and you’re here because of a similar freak accident, then how come there aren’t more of us constantly popping up in here?”
“Hm?” Zoey glanced over her shoulder, her plushie tumbling to the deck with a dull thud . “Oh. Well…” her eyes fell to her little shard of sky resting beside her. She pulled it out from beneath her discarded toy, turning the ethereal blade in her hands. Glints of speckled light reflected off of its translucent surface as she held it up above her. “Sometimes. Sorta been busy with spellcasting and whatever from the place me and Lisa are stuck in.”
She set the blade down again. “Is something up? You usually don’t ask stuff like that.”
“Just wondering, I guess.” Gadget sat down beside her counterpart, tucking her legs in her arms. “It does get lonely in here when you’re gone. I know it probably wasn’t the case for you, but I was so happy when you first dropped into here. Like, sure, I can pop into all those different worlds and stuff if I want to, but I think you already know well what it’s like for me when I do.”
Zoey nodded along. “Like a ghost.”
“I am a ghost,” Gadget flattened her lips. “In every sense of the word. I float around, nobody sees or hears me, I can even go through walls if I want to…” she buried her face in her arms. “You’re the only one I can talk to. Even if you’re just a version of me that made it out alive.”
“I…” Zoey reached out a hand.
Gadget brushed it off. “No, i-it’s alright. It’s not like there’s much I can do about it. Instantly incinerated when this ol’ wreck of mine went boom while I was hurtling through here, remember?” She forced a laugh, knocking the back of her hand against the gnarled metal paneling beneath them. “In here’s the one place where I still have a body at all.”
Her form flickered again, hints of yellow blinking in and out before settling on the familiar brown locks.
“Mostly, at least.”
Zoey fidgeted with her plushie’s legs, her eyes still locked on her counterpart.
“If this place really is a space between worlds—” Gadget’s voice rose from her curled from. “—then shouldn’t there be other versions of us also stuck in here?” She lifted her head a little, her unkempt hair still masking her face. “I know this isn’t something I should be saying, but there should be more dead versions of us out there somewhere, right? It’s that whole thing about ‘anything being possible in an infinite universe’. And here, we have an infinite number of universes.”
Another flicker. “The same goes for you, too. Just because I got this nickname from some labcoats in my timeline before I went boom doesn’t mean that being six feet under is the only way to go. You remember how you got in, don’tcha? The whole universe you and Lisa have been living in started tearing apart at the seams.”
Zoey’s gaze drifted back to the plushie in her lap. “Yeah.”
“Shouldn’t there be other Zoeys that’ve also fallen into here? That have also forced their way into another Zoey’s universe in search of home?” Gadget picked up the shard sitting beside Zoey. “That also somehow broke a chunk off of the very boundary of existence itself? Do you know how long it’s been between when I entered this place and I finally met you? No versions of us—not even the singular one I saw that also passed through here—I…” her voice cracked as she continued. “I saw a version of me that survived the rocket breakup shoot past, a long time ago. I saw her come up from behind me. From that very same laboratory that I’d launched from myself. I-I just don’t know how she split off from me. Like, what the heck caused us to split like that? For one version of me to sail off into the proverbial sunset to who-knows-where, while I’m…”
She leant her head back, her eyes shut as she sucked in a breath. A faint buzz rose from her as flickers of fuzzy blue danced across her form. “That was the only other version of me that I saw for ages. Eventually, I realized that I could just, like, pick out one of these little lights floating around us. Kinda stretch it open in a sense, and just walk in . I was so excited to finally be somewhere again!”
Her grip tightened around the blade. “But then, when I did step out into a world, nobody ever noticed me. Nobody could touch me, or hear me.”
She lowered her head again, letting the sky shard clatter back down beside her. “Sometimes, I wonder if the reason why there’s only the two of us is because this place in and of itself is yet another plane of existence just like all the others. That maybe this is a place that was somehow purpose-made for us. A made-up limbo that exists just so that we can sit here and talk to each other.”
She returned her face to her arms.
“Hey.”
“Mm?” Zoey turned her head.
“How far back can you remember in your life?”
“I…” Zoey furrowed her brows. There was of course the whole thing about the portal and falling through the cracks and stuff. That was still very fresh on her mind. Before that, being babysat by Lisa even though she was very definitely a big girl who could look after herself , though that wasn’t a very big deal anyway ‘cause Lisa let her help with her cool robot stuff. And before that …
“Can’t think of anything past when you met Lisa, can you?” Gadget leaned back, propping herself up on one arm. “I’d even bet that you can’t remember a thing past the day you and her got dumped into this mess!”
“What.”
“It’s the same for me. I can only remember as far back as when I got a tablet that I used to use as a sort of digital diary. I was eleven at the time, but I only know that ‘cause I was told so. Before that? Nothing. Heck, the time I do remember from when I had that tablet hardly even stretched a hundred days!”
“You were eleven back then?” Zoey lifted a brow. “When was ‘back then’? How long has it been since then?”
Gadget shrugged. “It’s hard to keep track of time in a timeless place. Going by watching how time passes in other planes of existence around here, I’d say maybe seven? Eight years?” She blinked. “Holy crap I’m an adult now, aren’t I? Zoey, how old are you?”
“…Ten?”
Gadget ran her hands through her hair, staring wide-eyed at the milky-black plane beneath them. “Man. I…” she flickered again as she stood up, wobbling on her feet for a moment before steadying herself against a scrappy wall. She stepped back into the hut. “Gimme a moment. I need to think about this some more.”
Zoey turned her attention back to the plushie in her lap. She got it during her birthday party… one of them, three years ago. At least, she was pretty sure that was the one. That was when she had the stuffing put into it… and… and then before that…
That was it.
That was it.
What about two years ago?
Nothing. Even things that happened just a year ago…
No, there had to be more.
There had to be more, right? She wasn’t like Gadget, who’d been stuck in this place for a loooooooooooong time. Maybe she was just forgetting her old life after spending so long in here! But then…
Think , Zoey repeated to herself. There had to be something else she remembered. Anything. Her mom… yes, she could remember her. The way she spoke, how she stood at the edge of that pit when… she shook her head. She needed to think further back. Something that didn’t happen within the past few weeks. Maybe something like when… when her mom dropped her off at school?
Her eyes searched for an indication that never came. Not that she was expecting one, staring at the featureless floor beneath her. Even for something that should’ve happened almost daily for years on end, she was drawing a blank.
What if it was the void itself that was making them forget? Maybe her memories were wiped the moment she entered this place!
She shifted her gaze to the countless dots of light sprinkled through the space surrounding them. Last time she was here… when she saw her mom at the pit… that was through one of those dots. Gadget said that she’d hold onto it for safekeeping after that. Maybe if she went back there, she would remember again!
Zoey hopped back to her feet and ran into the hut. “Gadgetttt! Where’s that portal orb thingy that I used to find my mom?”
Her counterpart wasn’t inside.
“Gadget?” she repeated, quieter this time. She crept through the dingy hut, pausing for a moment at the lingering scent of singed metal. “You in here?”
A momentary flicker in the shadows caught her eye.
“What are you doing?” Gadget squat down beside Gadget’s trembling form.
“I thought…” Gadget’s voice came in uneven spurts. “I thought I was still eleven this entire time. I hadn’t even thought of how much I should’ve aged while I’ve been in here… just…”
“How long you’ve been in here?”
“…Yeah.”
“Hey now,” Zoey set a hand on her counterpart’s shoulder. “I’m sure we can figure out a way to get you out of this place eventually! You said that you should be an adult by now, right?”
“…Yeah?”
“You said that, but you’re still physically a kid like me.”
“…Yeah.”
“So, that means that we’ve got all the time in existence to find out how to get you out! It’s like what you said, right? Anything’s possible in an infinite universe or whatever. And here, we have infinite time! ”
“…I guess,” Gadget uncurled herself, lifting a tear-stricken face from her arms. “I…” she flickered, revealing that familiar golden-yellow mane Zoey knew from her plushie. Gadget brushed it aside with a hoof, pausing for a moment to stare at the appendage. “I’m just not sure how much longer I can stand being in here. There’s so much living that I’ve missed out on now that I’m thinking about it. If I’d made it through like that other version of me in her own rocket, then for all I know, I could’ve finally arrived home to my home universe! I could’ve grown up! Learnt how to drive, maybe! Idunno… even…” her voice cracked again as she flung her forelegs up in the air. They flickered back into being human arms before she lowered them. “I could’ve even found love! ”
She fell back in a slump, a loud exhale escaping her. She straightened herself up, her attention falling to the bushy yellow tail still emerging from her behind.
“Well, I guess that’s one thing that’s new for once,” she curled her tail around to her lap, idly picking through the strands of horsehair. “Sorry for making you my captive audience by the way. I’m sure you’ve got far better things to do than listening to my rants.”
Zoey snorted. “No, you’re me and I’m you . It’s weird to think about, yeah, but shouldn’t it make sense to stick by you whenever I can? It’s not like being out in the universe me and Lisa are in right now is fun , either. Both of us have had to pretend to be the versions of us from that universe without any idea of who they actually are. Heck, from what I’ve heard, Lisa’s counterpart in that world is freakin’ royalty! ”
A quiet laugh rose from Gadget. “Maybe I should spend more time watching you , then. Sounds interesting to see. Actually, that reminds me—” Gadget stood up, hitting her head against a low-hanging shelf. “—ow. Er—” she rubbed her head. “That reminds me of something. Hold on a sec, lemme get it out.”
She stumbled over to the opposite side of the shack, one hand still pressed against her head. “You already know how I have a bit of a hobby in watching and collecting those little balls of light, yeah?”
“Yup.”
Gadget picked through a makeshift shelf lining the wall. “Well, there’s one particular one I came across a while back that’s especially interesting.” She squat down, her tail swaying behind her as she searched. “I’m pretty sure that it’s the very first version of us to exist. The point that spawned all of these different timelines that you and I and every other incarnation of Zoey originates from. I don’t know why it’s the original universe, but for whatever it’s worth…”
She stood up, a grin forming on her face as she held up one particular orb of light. “Here it is.”
Zoey stepped closer, peering into the glowing ball. Sure enough, there was yet another incarnation of herself. One from a different time and place.
“Next, she’ll eat a baked potato she carved into the shape of a hot dog.”
“Wh—” Zoey turned to Gadget. “Hu—”
“Shh, just watch. Weird , isn’t she?”
Sure enough, the version of herself they were watching did… well, precisely that. With a hefty serving of powdered sugar as a topping, too.
“I don’t know how long this has been going for,” Gadget lowered the orb as she spoke. “But it always ends with her and her friends rolling down some grassy hill for whatever reason. Then, it repeats. Over and over, forever. As if that’s all the time she ever exists for.”
“Huh.”
“You wanna know how I figured that this is likely the first one?” Gadget shifted her hands, now gripping the orb from both sides. With a single movement, the entire perspective of the orb… shifted .
“Don’t ask how I did it ‘cause I don’t know how I do it either,” she added, still holding the glowing ball with both hands. “It’s like this feeling , I guess. Like I wanna see more, and it’ll just respond that way. Anyhow— you see what’s there now in this new position?”
Zoey leaned closer to the orb. There was a calendar there.
“That, combined with what I’ve overheard, tells me that this is a school day sometime in May twenty-fourteen. I haven’t found any indicator of any earlier date in any other universe.”
2014.
Zoey blinked. That was what—a decade ago? Also—
“Overheard? ”
“Oh yeah, you can definitely hear things through the orbs,” Gadget lifted it higher. “It’s real quiet, that’s all. Like listening to whispers from the other side of a room.”
The view through the orb suddenly shifted again at the swipe of Gadget’s hand from the back. “I can also do this if I don’t care as much about precision,” she grinned, slapping her hand on top to stop the flying colors. A flicker ran across her as the tail peeking out from behind her finally vanished. “Like I said, don’t know how this works either, it just kinda does . But yeah, I’m pretty sure this is the earliest version of us!”
“I think I even recognize some people from there,” Zoey tilted her head a little at the new perspective currently visible. “Yeah. There’s Sam… Brodie… Caleb looks pretty different from the one I know, but still— ” she looked up. “Is there a reason why you haven’t taken a look from the inside?”
“Scared, I guess,” Gadget drew the orb a little closer to herself. “I’m already here forever. What would happen if when that reality hits its loop, I get trapped in there instead? Lonely as it may be, at least out here I don’t have to worry about living in a perpetual loop.”
Zoey looked between her counterpart and her… other counterpart. The one they were watching. Even after spending so much time with Gadget, it was weird to think about.
“What happens if we open it up right when it starts looping?”
Gadget frowned. “I’m not sure, actually. I don’t think that’s something I’ve really thought of before.”
It was Zoey’s turn to grin now as she set her own hand on the orb. “Wanna give it a try then?”
“I… guess it wouldn’t hurt.”
Zoey took the glowing ball from Gadget. These things always had a nice heft to them. Like holding a bowling ball made of glass.
“Wait until it jumps to the grassy hill. The perspective changes on its own when this version of Zoey heads outside.”
And right on cue, too. Zoey tightened her grip around the orb, feeling for that ethereal edge just under the surface.
There it was.
Just like the first time, she pulled it open. It was hard to really put into words how it did so. It wasn’t really stretching , per se, nor was it fragmenting and giving way to her efforts. It sorta just… expanded . She let go, allowing the fixture to hover just above the floor.
Whatever the case, the portal was open now. Through the wider view it now offered, she watched herself and her alternate-friends roll down the hill.
“It should’ve looped by now.”
“Hm?” Zoey leant past the visage.
“The universe we’re watching,” Gadget continued, gesturing at the portal. “I’ve never seen any of this before. Look, they’re heading back into the cafeteria now.”
“Do… you think it’s safe to go in, then?”
“Maybe. ”
“I’ll go in then.”
“Wait wait, are you sure you wanna go in there? Like I said, I have no idea whether or not it’s safe to go in. We’ve only seen it continue past its final event. What if the whole universe starts falling apart now instead of looping?”
“Then I’ll trust you to watch my back. If you ever feel like I’m in danger, yank me back through.”
Zoey turned her attention back to the portal. At the moment, it seemed to open into a cafeteria of sorts.
Her school’s cafeteria. More specifically, that little nook under the stairs that students sometimes hung around.
Right. Parallel universe whatevers. Not only were the people gonna be similar but the locations usually matched up too. It was probably for the better that the opening of the portal led to somewhere out of sight anyway.
She ducked through the portal. Almost immediately, the smell of whatever was cooking for the main lunch line hit her like a wall. She paused, savoring the all-too-familiar smells. Even if the food wasn’t necessarily good , she missed this place.
The end-of-period bell played over the intercom. Another point for familiarity.
‘Well,” a voice caught her attention. “See ya later then.”
“See ya!” another voice responded.
It quickly grew difficult to pick out the conversation as more students filed past into the hallway. Actually—shouldn’t they have seen the portal as they passed?
Zoey whipped around. Thankfully, it seemed to have vanished after she’d exited. The last thing she needed was for more random kids like herself to wander into that place. Though, why it closed like that she wasn’t as sure. The previous ones she’d traveled through lingered on even after she’d exited, albeit a little more translucent compared to the entering side.
Still. They didn’t just disappear like this one did.
Hopefully it was just Gadget closing it for the same reasons she had in mind.
Zoey started walking toward the lunch lines. With the periods changing, the second wave of students should be showing up at any moment for their lunch period. If this place was anything like her own school then the main line should have different items every day of the week.
“Oh hey, Zoey,” one of her classmates walked past. “You’re getting a second lunch?”
“Er—” she forced a grin as she waved them off. “Yeah! Like I always do! You?”
“Going to class,” they shrugged, stuffing their hands in their pockets. “I’ve never seen you get in line a second time, though. You sure you’re gonna have enough time to eat before class?”
Zoey’s eyes flit between the lunch line and the classmate who wasn’t really her classmate. “Mmmmmaybe I’ll skip second lunch this time around.”
“You’re hangin’ out with Sammy again today after school, right?”
“Yup!” she chirped before their question fully processed. “As usual!”
Seems like this version of her didn’t go back to Lisa after school. Sam was part of Lisa’s brother’s friend group.
“Neato. I don’t know how you got through history today. My teacher looked like he was gonna fall asleep.”
Zoey scrambled for the name. “Mister… Daniels, right?”
Weeks of pretending to be a different version of herself and somehow remembering a teacher she didn’t really remember out of the blue paid off then and there.
“Yeah. I heard that the teacher for your team is a lot more fun to be around. Anyway, gotta go!”
She waved as they wandered off. That was probably the most stressful moment she’d had in a long time.”
The next voice that drew her attention immediately shattered that notion.
“Did we really have to roll down the hill like that?” Sam’s voice rung out from somewhere within the throng of students shuffling about the cafeteria. “I’ve got grass stains all over my shirt now. My mom’s gonna kill me!”
The voice after that spiked her heartrate even further.
“Nahhhh, you blow stuff up all the time in the lab. I think you’ll be fine.”
There she was.
Through the crowd, Zoey momentarily locked eyes with herself. This version of her looked a little different—hair styled differently and a little more curly… maybe even a little shorter—but most definitely a version of her .
“Woah, two Zoeys?” a boy—Brodie, she was pretty sure—slid between her and her counterpart as the group approached. “Sammy, did you know Zoey had a twin sister?”
“Actually, I—” Zoey held up her hands.
“I don’t though?” Other Zoey stepped closer. She narrowed her eyes, stopping right in front of her. “Idunno, she does look reaaaaaaally similar to me though. Maybe I do have a secret twin?”
“How would you have a secret twi—”
“Anyway hi! I’m Zoey!” Other Zoey held out her hand. “Do you like potatoes?”
Zoey backed away from her counterpart. From past experience, touching another Zoey in-universe was not a good idea. Somewhere out there was a much older Zoey who thanks to her now had to explain to her parents how she aged like seven years while they were away.
“C’mooooon, you shy?” Other Zoey tilted her head. “Ooh, you know what always gets me talking?”
She swung her backpack to the floor, digging around inside before extracting a wrinkled ball of aluminum foil. “Potatoes! Except I already ate this one.”
“Not everyone is as crazy about potatoes as you are, Zoey,” Sam walked around her. “Sorry about her, she’s a bit wild. I’m Sammy.”
Zoey shrunk further back from his own outstretched hand.
“No handshake, alright,” Sam retracted his hand.
“Well… uh, sorry we couldn’t talk for longer!” Zoey slunk away from her alternate-universe self and friends. “Was neat meeting y’all! I kinda sorta have a class to go to for now. Don’t wanna be late, bye!”
She sprinted down the hall, turning the corner to head down one of the branching corridors. With her entry portal gone for now, she’d have to find somewhere out of the way to cut herself a way out.
She slipped a hand into one of her pockets, feeling for…
Her steps slowed.
Oh.
Oh no.
“Gadget, you still there?” Zoey muttered under her breath, her eyes frantically searching her surroundings. “Really need some help right about now. I know you can hear me.”
“Who’re you talkin’ to?” Other Zoey’s voice sent a jolt through her body. “You look a lot like me. Where did you come from? I don’t think I ever saw you here before.”
“I… uh—” Zoey spun around to face her counterpart. She was standing so close right now. Worse yet, this hallway really didn’t allow for any kind of easy escape, either.
“You lost or something?” Other Zoey grabbed her hand. Zoey winced, preparing herself to open her eyes and find herself facing yet another aged-up version of herself.
Other Zoey laughed at the action. “You know, I like you. You’re weird. C’monnnnn, what’s your next class? I can show you.”
Zoey opened an eye. Thankfully, the event she dreaded didn’t come to pass. As for the question, the first class she had after lunch in her own world came to mind.
“Art two.”
“Ooh, you’re in my class then!” Other Zoey dragged her along down the hall. “Yup, right this way, you were already almost there! Still haven’t told me your name yet by the way.”
Whatever. Until Gadget did something, she really didn’t have any choice but to play along. At the very least, she could maybe find a way to slip out unnoticed. Protect this Zoey from getting tangled in the mess that was her and Gadget’s predicament.
“Uhm—Aspen,” Zoey blurted. An art display featuring various gemstones caught her eyes as she followed. “Garnet. Aspen Garnet.”
“Well, Aspen Garnet , I think we’ll be good friends,” Other Zoey stopped in front of the art room. “And here we are! The art rooms are kinda funny. Instead of walls, there’s a whole freakin’ garage that can open up into the hall!”
“Right.”
“No, I’m serious, look!” Other Zoey waved wildly at the paneled door beside them. “It looks like a garage door, it’s got rails on the sides like a garage door, and if you go inside, there’s even a pull chain to open it! It’s a garage!”
“You’re uh,” Zoey tapped her fingers against her leg. “Very enthusiastic about the garage, aren’t you?”
“I just think it’s neat.” Her counterpart reached for her hand again. “C’mon, let’s go in before we’re late!”
A flicker of… something rushed through her mind the moment their hands met again. Zoey blinked. That… what even was that?
She shook her head, sucking in a breath. Her counterpart had retracted her hand, instead now staring worriedly into her eyes.
“Is… something wrong?” Other Zoey stepped back a little. “I didn’t mean to hurt you if I did! I promise!”
“N-no, you didn’t. I just…” Zoey brought a hand to her head, patting herself lightly. “Weird headache I think, that’s all.”
Any minute now, Gadget.
“Oh, okay!” her counterpart’s cheery expression returned, albeit a little more muted than before. “I’ll be a little quieter then. Is it the kind of headache where it hurts more when you’re near loud stuff?”
Again, she had to thank the few weeks of experience she’d had by now of living a lie.
“Yeah. I—” she faked a wince. “—I think I’ll go to the front office for the school nurse first. Sorry ‘bout that.”
“Awww, that’s alright. I’ll let the teacher know that you’re not feeling good!”
Zoey backed away, peering down the now-empty hall. She turned back to her counterpart. “Thanks. I guess… maybe I’ll see you around?”
Other Zoey lifted a brow. “See me around? We’re in the same class! I’ll see you— ” she poked a finger into Zoey’s chest. “—after class. I’ll bring you a snack even!”
“Is it po—”
“It’s potatoes, yeah,” Other Zoey pat her backpack. The distinct rustle of a potato chip bag crunched from within.
“Aaaaaanyway, I’ll be off now. See ya.”
“Yup!” her counterpart opened the door to the classroom. She gave a playful salute before disappearing inside.
The air opened up in front of her like the flaps of a tent. That was probably the very first time she’d seen a portal open from the other side of things, to be honest.
Gadget peeked through, peering first at the closed door beside them, then at Zoey.
“We’re clear,” Zoey crossed her arms. “Guessing there wasn’t any good opportunity to bring me back while everyone was around?”
“Nope.”
“Anything interesting happen in the void while I was gone?” Zoey placed a hand against the edge of the portal, one leg already stepped inside. “Or was it the same old whatever?”
“Actually, yes! This whole reality you’re in right now split off the moment you entered. The original one kinda slingshot itself away the moment you walked in.” Gadget lifted her bangs, pointing at her forehead. “Smacked me right on the noggin, too. If I was ponymoding it when that happened, then that might’ve even cracked my horn with how fast it was shooting!”
An amused scoff rose from Zoey. “Alright, so you had a bit of excitement then. Let’s go before—”
“Woah.”
Of course the universe that contained a potato-obsessed version of herself also had an impeccable sense of comedic timing.
“Well, uh, hi there!” Gadget waved past Zoey. “I’m… Aspen’s… cousin! Picking her up. She’s feeling terrible right now. Riiiiiiiight?”
Well clearly other versions of her didn’t have so much experience in acting. Zoey lifted a hand to her head again. Just to play along.
“See? Not feeling good. Just a big ol’ headache and stuff. C’mon now, get in here, I don’t think that the school would like it if they found out that I parked this thing in the hallway , y’know.”
Zoey pursed her lips, nodding her head toward the awestruck potato-obsessed version of herself still staring at the portal.
Gadget sighed. “Alright, I guess the schtick is up. Guess we don’t have to hide anything from this world’s Zoey since she’s kinda sorta already seen… wait. Wait. ” Gadget practically leapt from the portal, grabbing Other Zoey by the shoulders. “You can see me? I-I can touch you!”
Zoey cringed as a flicker ran across Gadget’s trembling body.
“Ponyyyyyy? ” Other Zoey drawled as her attention fixed squarely on the cartoonishly-colored unicorn holding her by the shoulders.
“Right okay yeah gotta go see ya!” Zoey pulled Gadget off of this world’s Zoey, backing away into the portal. She grasped the edges from the other side and slammed them back down to nothing more than the usual glowing dot.
“Gadget.”
“She can see me,” Gadget’s voice came in hushed, shaky whispers.
“Gadget, is everything alright?” Zoey crouched down beside the shivering filly.
“I…” Gadget ran a hoof through her mane. “I don’t think I’ve ever even thought of that! I have to go back for a moment. I wanna try something—”
“Gadget, ” Zoey blocked her counterpart. “Let’s take things slowly, ‘kay? You always start doing this whenever some strong emotion hits you. I’ve been watching.”
“Watching?” Gadget blinked, her curly yellow mane deflating back to the usual brown. She stared at the bangs falling over her eyes. “O-oh. That.”
She blew the strands of hair aside, sitting back as the rest of her body flickered into her human form.
“I know that was exciting for you. To finally be seen by someone besides me. But… just think about it for a sec.” Zoey sat down in front of Gadget. “Both me and Potato Zoey back there are versions of us. Of Zoey . I can almost guarantee that only she could see or touch you. Have you ever tried interacting with other versions of yourself in those times you visited other universes?”
“…No,” Gadget fidgeted with her hair. “I figured they’d be like everyone else I tried to interact with. So I stopped trying. Thought it was for the best anyway, since… well…” she gestured a hand toward another glowing orb hovering near the floor beside the one they’d just emerged from. “That never happened when I entered. I didn’t want to interfere, so I guess… a little part of me always counted on being a ghost whenever I visited some world or another.”
She huffed, curling herself again back into the sulking form she’d been in before, muffled words rising as she buried her face in her arms. “I don’t know. I guess I just got carried away.”
An uneasy silence settled between the two, punctuated only by an occasional sniffle rising from Gadget.
“Hey,” a murmur drifted out of her.
“Mmm?”
“Y’know how I said earlier that maybe this whole void plane thing was made just for us?”
“…Yes? Go on,”
“What if it really is exactly that? A construct that exists just for us, and we exist just for it? Life in a box, in a sense.”
She lifted her head. “What if, these exact words that I’m saying right this instant are being made up on the spot by, Idunno, some greater consciousness that dictates the terms of our very existence? Why else would there be so few memories that either of us can clearly remember? Why, when you’re in a pinch for answers, you can suddenly pull something out of nowhere that suddenly makes sense, as if you knew it all along?”
“I don’t know what you’re getting at.”
“Think. We’re sitting here, in this… this void world. There shouldn’t be any air here, and yet we breathe. There shouldn’t be any gravity here, but the only things we’re seeing that float are those wacko balls of light. Do you know what makes the most sense for an explanation?”
“…That we’re made for this place, and this place is made for us?”
“Now you’re getting it!” Gadget snapped her fingers. She paused, staring at her hand. “See? I didn’t even know I could snap my fingers until just now!”
“I think that’s more anecdotal than—”
“We, ” Gadget clenched Zoey by the shoulders, drawing her closer. “Are characters in a story. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s what I’m getting at. Zoey, can you describe what you were building with Lisa before you were unceremoniously sucked out of your world?”
“A combat robotics machine with a hammersaw-style primary weapon. Plus a flamethrower.”
“Okay, and can you picture it now? I want you to describe in words the exact thing that comes to mind.”
Zoey shut her eyes, thinking back to… to…
To what?
She could remember spinning on the stools… soldering alongside Lisa… burning her hands more than a couple of times, leading her mother to scold Lisa for not watching her close enough…
A memory of winning something bubbled up.
“How’s that robot lookin’?” Gadget’s voice cut through the fractured memories.
“I… I can’t remember it.”
“And that is because the author hasn’t bothered describing it in detail!” Gadget laughed. “I…” she let go of Zoey. “I promise I’m not going crazy. Or maybe I am. To be frank, I don’t remember a thing between the first day or whatever after I crash-landed here and meeting you. Heck, my memory’s even spotty after meeting you, loneliness aside. As if I just… ceased to exist whenever I wasn’t relevant. But like, this is the most excited I’ve been about anything since I climbed into that rocket and never came back. Something—maybe even someone —marked the beginning of us, and we’ve been going ever since.”
She sat back again, taking a deep breath. “I… understand if you don’t want to be here with me anymore. After all that I’ve just said. Heck, if I was in a better place mentally, all that stuff I said probably would’ve scared me off. But you took it like a champ. Thanks.”
Zoey sat down beside her counterpart, also leaning back against the inner walls of the rickety shack Gadget called home. “I mean, it’s like what I said earlier, right? It makes sense for me to stick by you whenever I can. Quirks and all. Still don’t entirely get the whole existential dread thing that you just pulled us through, but…” she ran a hand through Gadget’s hair, gently stroking it in long, slow motions. Gadget leaned into the brushing, resting her head on Zoey’s shoulder.
“You’ve lived a completely different life than I have,” Zoey kept stroking her counterpart’s hair. “Even if we’re the same person, there are some things about us that we can’t possibly understand in each other no matter what we try. Just rest for now. We’ve got all the time in the world in here.”
A soft whimper rose from Gadget.
Zoey leaned forward a little.
Gadget had fallen asleep.
From the corner of her eye, she could see her little unicorn plushie, laying on its side.
Zoey stared at the empty space in front of her that just ate up Aspen a moment ago. Alongside that unicorn girl called Gadget that went crazy.
That was not what she expected to see when she ran out to the hall to grab the pencil that fell out of her backpack when she was showing off the chips.
Like, that was not supposed to happen! Maybe she could ask Sammy about it later. He’s smart enough to maybe know something about it.
She leant a little closer. She swore there was some little something hanging in the air still. She held her hand up, tracing her fingers along what looked almost like a crack floating mid-air. A crack in what , she had no idea. But…
She felt her nail catch on a slightly raised edge. Whether it was an accident or out of curiosity, the next thing she knew, the crack had grown…
…And a small chip of what was supposed to be the air in front of her lay in her hands.
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this event became known as the Astley Defenestration and sparked a major war?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger , what have you done?!
this event became known as the Astley Defenestration and sparked a major war?
"TO ME!" Luna roared, beckoning for the Lunar Empire of Gamers into the trench she resided in. "WE ARE THE FINAL SURVIVORS OF THE SECOND ASTLEY DEFENESTRATION. WE SHAN'T FALL."
"Tell me, Princess," a stallion slipped into the trench beside her. "What was the first one?"
"My dear sister's former expelled-for-medical-reasons student, Twilight Sparkle, was blown out a window by a rickroll."
The ground began to swell beneath the two.
"Dear My Sister, " Luna lowered her sunglasses moments before the ground exploded with a certain song blasting vertically into the air, sending everypony in the trench hurtling skyward.
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the cast decided to reenact the fic's cover art for the lols?
Author's Note
Let's see how far I can go before my left hand starts buzzing again, Scyphi !
the cast decided to reenact the fic's cover art for the lols?
"SWEETIEGIRAFFENO--"
The camerapony Twilight hired was instantly obliterated alongside the rest of Ponyville.
"SWEETIE GIRAFFE YES. SWEETIE GIRAFFE ALWAYS YES."
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Twilight and Gadget stole Trixie's wagon? (PE#18)
Author's Note
Just as a quick note, this is once again a different Twilight/Gadget pairing compared to some of the previous ones that have been featured here in Project Emphenom. Something, something, "this world's different", something.
Make of it what you will. This here is very much an experiment aimed at fitting neatly into a fuller story when the time comes.
Twilight and Gadget stole Trixie's wagon? (PE#18)
"Gadget, keep up," Twilight paused, glancing over her shoulder. "If we wanna beat the storm, we'll need to hurry."
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Gadget scampered up being her. "I saw something interesting buried in the dirt back there. You think it's worth inspecting? It was like this--" she fell to her haunches, vaguely outlining the object's shape. "--this lumpy thing made out of metal. We passed over some rails earlier, so maybe it was part of a boiler or something."
Twilight stared past the filly for a moment before returning her gaze. She briefly shook her head.
Gadget kept pace as she continued walking. "'Sure? We could make a neat pot out of it if we slice it the right way!"
Twilight stopped again, letting the little cart she dragged behind her rattle to a halt. "Gadget, we can't keep scavenging like this. It's getting cold out, and soon enough everything's gonna be blanketed in snow. We need somewhere safe and warm to stay for now. Any additional things we pick up will only slow us down."
Her eyes shifted to the little heap of scrap they'd amassed. There were some genuinely useful things they'd picked up here and there already--wooden kitchenware, discarded razor blades, probably more string than they'd need for a long, long time... and of course, the metallic bits and bobs that little rascal loved to pick out of the scrapheaps they always seemed to find themselves wandering through. In other circumstances, she would've loved to sit down with Gadget to do nothing but tinker all day with them. It'd probably be the most normal thing they could do since they arrived here, relatively speaking.
She wrinkled her brow, squinting at the shapes in the distance.
Just as they were told by that old stallion, there it was.
Ponyville.
In truth, given the name of the place, she'd honestly expected some sprawling suburbia of maximum boredom. Maybe it'd have a golf course. Or two. Or three. It was like calling a city "Humantown". Though... granted, there were certainly some stranger city names she knew of no thanks to her friends. It wasn't like she was in much of a position to criticize whoever named the place, anyway. Both her own and Zoey's aliases in this world came purely by chance, after all. Something about her own resemblance to some well-known figure that lived around here at some point, and Zoey... well, she sorta picked her own name when asked on the train.
Anything was better than 'smurf horse', that's for sure.
The shapes in the distance were far more visible now than before. At the very least, it seemed that Ponyville was intact . It was a whole lot more than what she could say about the ravaged settlement they'd come across in the forest. Regardless, no matter what state Ponyville was in, it'd have to be their respite for the time being. Survival came first and foremost, and only after that was achieved could they finally start figuring out what the heck happened to this world. Not to mention what dragged them into this place to begin with.
"Twilight, look over there!" Gadget ran ahead of her, veering off toward a visibly-abandoned wagon. "It's like a whole camper! You think we could use it?"
Even through the filly's excitement, a part of Twilight... er, Lisa , died inside with the utterance of that name. Sure, with Gadget it was different--Zoey was the one that picked that name, after all. But to be reduced to a name gained purely by a passing resemblance.
She told Zoey to call her that from now on.
Twilight.
If only for the sake of having an identity. To take advantage of the charity of the locals when they find a disheveled filly followed by a mare that looks like some long-lost ruler of the land.
She brought it on herself.
Twilight shook her head. Her identity was a small price to pay for their safety. Even if it meant she had to be this Twilight figure for the rest of her life.
She stopped in front of the ditched wagon. The faded purple paint was peeling in some parts, but structurally it seemed alright.
Gadget popped out from behind a corner. "Look, it's even got a harness!"
Twilight paced around to the side the filly emerged from. Sure enough, a... horse harness, for lack of a better term, lay amongst the snow below the wooden poles they once hung from.
"We can work with this," she stooped down, picking up the tattered harness. It took some getting used to at first to use her mouth for so many things, but like, no hands. What else was she supposed to do?
A heavy thunk stole her attention back to reality as Gadget threw open a chest.
"Look, there's even stuff in here still! Here's a cape, and a funny hat... and..."
"Gadget?" Twilight climbed into the wagon. "Is so--"
Her eyes fell to the photo in front of Gadget.
"Lemme guess, the previous owner?" Twilight sat down beside Gadget.
"Yeah."
"She looks... uh, wizardy . To put it lightly."
Gadget pointed a hoof at the hat and folded cape on the floor next to the chest. "Which makes those her wizard's hat and cloak."
The chill winds outside thumped against the wagon's siding.
"You stay here. I'm bringing the cart in."
Twilight pushed open the door, grunting against the wind's resistance. Of course, the door slammed shut the moment she exited.
She approached the cart she'd already been hauling for the past who-knows-how-long. For all the fuss she gave Gadget about picking up junk along the way, it still really wasn't much in the end. A few cans of whatever scavenged from the wreckage of the house they got pulled through with still made up the bulk of the weight.
She glanced back at the wagon's door. Of which was raised off the ground. Because it's a wagon.
She sighed, doing her best to scoop up the wagon in her forelegs, fumbling more than enough times to drop several cans and even more trinkets as she fell backward. Curse this quadrupedal body of hers.
"Twilight?" Gadget struggled against the door behind her. "I heard a crash. You good?"
"Yeah, I just..." Twilight picked up a can from the accumulating snow. "Tripped, that's all. Wanna help me move this stuff in?"
"Okay!"
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Sunset shimmer makes the sun set when ever she sneezes
Author's Note
whiteoak019 , what does Sunset do to make the sun rise, then?
Sunset shimmer makes the sun set when ever she sneezes
"Sunnnnnnnset," Pinkie cooed, waving a hand from the doorway she hid behind. "Over here! Look what I found!"
Sunset lifted a brow, peeking into the room at the exact moment Pinkie blew the dust off an old satchel of bits from Equestria. "Your wallet!"
As for Sunset, she sneezed. How else was I gonna do a lead-in for this chapter?
"Hey, sister?" Luna yawned, rubbing an eye as she entered the room. "Why have you lowered the sun so early?"
Celestia choked on her tea. "Lowered? I just-huh? " She scrambled out to the balcony, staring as the last rays of sunlight disappeared over the horizon.
"Oh no you don't, " Celestia lit her horn, violently yanking the sun back to its mid-day position.
"Why are there pepper shakers in the storage closet?" Pinkie's voice rung out from somewhere behind the mountain of junk that was accumulating. "How did Principal Celestia even fit all of this into a filing cabinet?"
"Pinkie, I--" Sunset waved a hand in front of her as she felt another sneeze coming.
Celestia moaned, melting into her Royal Canterlot Beanbag Chair as she changed the channel to Tararus's Kitchen.
"Sister," Luna stepped in front of the television. "Don't you have papers to work on? And the sun set again by the way."
"Again? " Celestia teleported away, leaving an alicorn-shaped indent in the beanbag chair.
"PINKIE, WHY DOES PRINCIPAL CELESTIA HAVE A SHRINE TO A GODDESS OF FEATHERS IN THE FILING CABINET?!" Sunset screeched between sneezes.
"I DON'T KNOWWWWWWWWWW!"
"Stop... moving... you... infuriating... ball... of... gas! " Celestia grunted, straining against the rapidfire-setting sun. Her grip slipped, sending both herself and the sun careening as the day/night cycle became a vomit-inducing flash between day and night no thanks to the sheer amount of windup created by Sunset's repeated sneezing.
Project Emphenom 19: "Blit"
Author's Note
idk lol "blit" (the common pronounciation of BLT, aka BLock Transfer) is a term most commonly associated with computer graphics, and it's the function that's commonly used for rendering image sprites over a background. More specifically, it's a process in which images can be moved as a block around in display memory, giving the appearance of it moving independently of the background layer.
so uhhhhhhhhhhhh something something block memory transfer but human memories instead you now have expanded ur computer science knowledge in a heccin mlp fanfic woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
absolutely not a fully-fleshed concept. no idea if this would even make it into the final fic.
Project Emphenom 19: "Blit"
Gadget stared at her hoof.
"Something up, Z?" Twilight walked past, setting a hunk of... something on the table. Its crystalline surface twinkled in the midday sun.
"Hm?" the filly blinked her eyes shooting up to match her mentor's. "Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about stuff."
That moment from before.
When Potato Zoey's hand brushed against her own.
What was that?
Slivers of a life she never lived drifted in and out of her mind. A test at school that she knew she aced being bombed. Hanging out with Sam and the rest instead of Lisa. Some sort of... shack? Shed?
"Sure looks like you're thinking hard," Twilight quipped. She tapped a chisel against the crystal. "Seriously though. Something on your mind? I know you like to slip away to somewhere at night. I've seen your bed empty when you should be sleeping. Did you get into some kind of trouble again?"
Oops.
"...No," Gadget mumbled, her gaze slowly drifting to the floor. "Not exactly."
"Explain."
"Well..." Gadget fumbled her hooves, momentarily forgetting her lack of fingers as they knocked together uselessly. "Y'know how you look like whoever this Twilight Sparkle pony is?"
"Yessss?" Twilight cocked her head.
"Well... uh, last night, I went back to that void place. The one we saw while we were being sucked through to here."
The sound of the chisel hitting the floor rung in her ears.
"You found a way to go back?" Twilight's face suddenly filled her view. "How? I've been researching all that I could since we got here on how to open freakin' portals , and you've found a way all on your own?"
Gadget forced a grin. "...Yes? Kinda? It's uh... a little more complicated than that."
Twilight slumped back. "Alright, let's hear it. Actually, lemme get a notebook first. I should be writing this down."
Without even turning, she lit her horn. Behind her at the desk, a drawer opened up to release a spiral notebook and a pen, both of which settled gently between the two ponies.
Sheesh , she was getting good at this magic thing. Did make her feel kinda bad about falling behind on it herself, though.
'Whenever you're ready."
"Okay. So."
Gadget blinked.
She was in a shed.
"Are you..." a familiar voice in front of her began. She squinted as her eyes refocused from the abrupt shift.
"--Eating a hot dog?" another voice finished the question. "But you're a vegetarian."
"Huh?" she glanced down at the... carved potato in her hands as her own voice rung out around her. "It's not a hot dog, it's a potato, silly."
The taste of sweetened baked potato abruptly filled her mouth.
"Gadget?"
Gadget choked, sputtering even as she felt herself swallow seemingly at the same time.
"Gadget!"
"Well anyway," a fourth voice--Caleb's voice, continued whatever conversation had been happening, as if her choking from the sudden influx of baked potato had gone completely unnoticed. "We did find it in the thrift store shortly after you recorded a massive, record-breaking burst of ener--"
A flicker.
She was back.
Twilight sat eye-level in front of her, worried lines etched into her face. "Gadget," she began slowly. "We can talk about your traveling later. What happened? Do you need a drink?"
Gadget smacked her lips. The ghostly aftertaste of baked potato with way too much powdered sugar heaped onto it still lingered at the tip of her tongue.
"Yes, please."
"On it," Twilight quickly fled the room.
...
...
What the heck was that? Those--she could tell by the potato weirdness alone--were Potato Zoey's memories! How did they just... just surface like that? And in such vivid detail, too!
It had to be that flicker that ran across her vision from one of the times they'd touched hands.
But then... why didn't it happen on the first touch? Why didn't she have Void Gadget's memories as well? Or that other Zoey that she interacted with a while back?
Why now?
Why her?
...And why potatoes?
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This chapter was written on a plane 39000 feet in the air?
Twilight Sparkle Twilight Sparkle all over the plane. In other words, she meticulously disassembled the entire thing down to its millions of component parts.
"Twilight, I have a question," Spike held out a blowtorch for Twilight to grab. "How the heck did you even fit this thing through the portal?"
"Portal's stretchy."
"What."
"Portal's stretchy," Twilight repeated as she tore open another panel.
Author's Note
Portal's stretchy.
Author's Note
And not only can they talk, whiteoak019 , but they talk like Pokemon with overly literally descriptive names!
cutie marks could talk
"Hey Twi," Applejack waved from her orchard. "Fancy seein' ya 'round here this time of the day."
"Same to you," Twilight landed with the gracefulness of a drunken swan. "Actually, I'm here for some official princess duties today."
"Oh? Applejack cocked her head. "And what kinda official princess du-- "
"THREE APPLES." Applejack's cutie mark screeched.
"Hush," Applejack pat her behind. "Ah'm try'na speak."
"THREE," her cutie mark pouted at the lack of attention. "APPLES APPLES."
"PURPLE STARBURST!" Twilight's cutie mark shot back. "SURROUNDED BY MANY SMALLER STARS!"
"Apples three... " Applejack's cutie mark grumbled in response, translating to something along the lines of 'oh, look at you with the more complicated design, acting all high and mighty on the flank of a royal' .
"SMALLER STARS," Twilight's cutie mark shot back.
"THREE. THREE APPLES," Applejack's cutie mark gasped, translating to 'well I never! maybe the play all along really has been to overthrow the princesses!'
"Hey y'all," unnamed pony #69420's cutie mark of unnamed pony #42069 cut in. "I can talk like ponies do!"
"AP-APPLES. THREEEEEE," Applejack's cutie mark growled. Which translates approximately to "you stay out of this. Also, niceeeeeeeeeeee."
"Stars." Twilight's cutie mark chuckled. Which also happened to translate to "nice".
"So anyway AJ," Twilight spoke over the bickering of their collective cutie marks. "You are under arrest by order of the Ponyville Council of Elders for massive tax evasion and trafficking of restricted apple products."
"You'll never take mah iPads from me!" Applejack slammed the door shut.
What.
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Reversed-Threading Universe Celestia couldn't open the pickle jar either, because it was never about the direction of the threading?
Author's Note
Scyphi is the one that created the jar.
Reversed-Threading Universe Celestia couldn't open the pickle jar either, because it was never about the direction of the threading?
"Raven!" Reverse-Celestia called. "Raven, I require your assistance!"
Raven trudged into the room, ignoring everything else that Celestia had to say and making a beeline to the jar. She popped it open and walked away.
"Wh--"
"Chosen one," Raven muttered under her breath as she left the room. "The jars have chosen me."
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word got out that Raven was the Chosen One of Jars?
Author's Note
Scyphi is secretly a jar-whisperer.
word got out that Raven was the Chosen One of Jars?
"Raven, help!" Twilight Sparkle burst into Raven's personal quarters despite never having learned where they were in the first place. Blame Celestia for directing her there by the way. "Raven, I need your help with a jar problem!"
Raven groaned. "First the most incompetent Princess, and now the most competent? " she set her cloning device down and packed her many, many sisters into the walls before turning around to face Twilight.
She cleared her throat. "You didn't see any of that by the way."
"Any of what?"
"Good. Now then, the jar."
"Righhhhht," Twilight nervously chuckled. "Alright girls, bring in Rainbow Dash."
~~this chapter ends here for rated E reasons~~
Author's Note
Hol'up, this ain't a chapter suggestion! What're you doing here, RandomCommentor ?
Oh yeah and also go read Fractures . This is a threat.
I apologize for nothing.
Pinkie slowly rose up from behind the counter.
"Pinkie, don't do it," Twilight glared daggers at the mare.
Pinkie caught the daggers and threw them back at Twilight, ending the rule of a tyrant for good.
She finished emerging from behind the counter.
"I'm gonna drop an F-bomb!" she yelled before promptly being tackled by child-friendly ninjas. "I apologize for nothing!"
Twilight stood back up and picked the daggers out of her body. Apparently alicorns are far less stabbable than Julius Caesar or something idk what the HECK I just wrote.
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wait, what's this? The Spanish Inquisition with a steel chair to finish the job!?
Author's Note
Officers Mess , you are putting me in Spain. But the S is silent. I think. Maybe. Did I expect this? No, I did not.
wait, what's this? The Spanish Inquisition with a steel chair to finish the job!?
"That the last one?" Twilight winced as Spike drew another blade from her body.
He tossed it aside, reaching for the next one. "Nope. Thanks for dealing with that medieval knight for me by the way."
The puppeteered knight whose arms Twilight was currently lounging across gave a thumbs-up.
"Ow--no problem," Twilight echoed the knight's gesture. "How many more knives are there?"
"Five, maybe six if there's another stuck in your tail that I couldn't find."
"Oh."
...
...
AND THEN HERE COMES THE SPANISH INQUISITION WITH THE STEEL CHAIR--
Twilight screeched as the ceiling tore open to reveal a trio of humans in red with a steel chair. Because gravity is a thing that exists and must be followed (to our understanding at least), they naturally fell downward. Onto Twilight. With the steel chair.
"Ow," was all Twilight said. Again. Because alicorns are, say it with me now, surprisingly indestructable .
As for Spike, he now resides in a new dragon-shaped hole in the floor.
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Chekov's gun but its just a literal gun that does nothing until the end of the chapter
Author's Note
RandomCommentor put the gun there.
Chekov's gun but its just a literal gun that does nothing until the end of the chapter
Twilight Sparkle walked past the regular, plain, everyday handgun that was sitting on the ground under the tree. It is very important that you DO NOT IGNORE THE GUN because it is VERY RELEVANT for later.
She pushed the door open into Sugarcube Corner and ordered three croissants. Three of them, count 'em with me--one, two, three!
Spike is inexplicably there too I guess. Maybe he'll be relevant too.
Twilight picked up the croissants from Not Pinkie Pie, who was totally not the Shadow Leader of Sugarcube Corner, and left. Left Spike behind, I mean. She went upstairs to Pinkie's rented room for some reason before taking off through an open window. Okay, now she's left left.
As she flew, one of the croissants slipped from her grasp, dropping down and hitting every branch of the tree below before landing on top of the gun, which fired a blank that was loud enough to startle Spike, unfortunately leading to a burst of fire breath that led to Sugarcube Corner catching on fire.
"Good work," Not Pinkie Pie slipped a wad of cash to Spike as she slinked away.
What.
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Project (Not Really)Emphenom #20: Fractures: Flicker
Author's Note
With the successful (at least, successful to me :V) start of Fractures in a direction that I'm actually happy with, that leaves a little something that otherwise would've been fated to fade into obscurity:
Fractures mid-2024 edition.
This previous version of the story was posted on July 5th, 2024, almost a full half a year before the version that is out now. It is a very, very different take on Fractures compared to every other version I have written before or since, and in fact was a direct attempt to carry on the story of Splintershard given that I left the door open for a sequel story when I completed that fic.
However, it was far too radical of a departure from the Fractures that I wanted to write, and felt too much like I was trying to force a story that I wasn't prepared for nor had the drive to write. But I'm not the kinda person that likes to unpublish stories and leave them to rot, hidden away forever, so here we go! The two chapters of Fractures (mid-2024)! Only one of these chapters was ever posted (not counting Crumble, which was PE#2), but the second was never published since I made the decision to scrap the story and return to the project's roots in the middle of writing it.
It was only a little over a month later when I started posting my Project Emphenom mini-anthology here within What If, and by how excited I've been to keep this story moving now with the running start I've given myself across all these experimental chapters plus the beginning of a full fic, I think it was one of the best decisions I've made in my writing hobby in quite some time.
Anyway, let's do some more archival-type stuff now to round things off. Gotta have everything, y'know?
(I'd even picked another nice story ID of 550055 for it! The live version of Fractures carries on the tradition as ID 550066 instead since I didn't want to fully nuke the old story. Call my a data hoarder.)
(Also because I do plan on re-integrating some ideas from that version of Fractures into the current live version as well. Maybe perhaps watch out for the next chapter whenever that drops.)
[MLP: FiM] [Violence] [Dark] [Adventure] [Slice of Life] [Alt. Universe] [Twilight] [Other]
What happens when the world falls apart beneath your hooves?
"You find your footing."
Twilight stared at the unending sea of abstract shapes before her. Friends, family, places--all lost. It only took a single moment for everything to flip on its head.
Finding her way back wasn't going to be easy.
But she wasn't going to do it alone.
A standalone sequel to Splintershard . No prior reading is necessary. There also likely will be very little relation to the eventual original fiction release.
A coin for your lowly wordsmith?
Project (Not Really)Emphenom #20: Fractures: Flicker
Bzzt.
Twilight blinked. What was she doing again? She stared down at her hooves, then at the rest of her body. Why was she so... roughed up?
More importantly...
She winced. It stung . More than anything she'd ever felt. A growing headache clenched down like a vice on her skull.
"Spike?" she cried out, pressing her good wing against her pulsing wounds.
She had a good wing? Er--
Twilight lifted her left wing--or at least, tried to --eliciting pain beyond anything she'd felt before. Her yelp echoed out all around her. All around... the...
The...
She grit her teeth. This wasn't Ponyville. Nor was it Canterlot. Drab, grey buildings towered around her, some leaning precariously as if preparing to pounce should she turn her back. A damp wind gurgled through the street she found herself in.
A drop of rain landed on her muzzle. Another.
"Oiiiii!" a voice shouted through the rain. Twilight lifted her head.
The mare beckoned her inside. "Whatcha doin' out there in the rain? Come in, it's dangerous out this time of day. You'll catch a cold too if you keep standing out there the way you are."
Thunder rolled overhead. Twilight slowly approached the mare. "Do... you know where we are?"
"Mmm-hm," she raised a hoof to her chin as Twilight entered. "Memory loss, huh? You bonk your head somewhere out there?"
"Did not!" Twilight spun around.
"Uh-huh. Just like how that barely-there stump of a horn is perfectly fine ."
...What.
Wait, what?
Twilight reached a hoof up to where her horn... used to be . There was hardly anything left! She slowly lowered her hoof, trembling at the sight of her own blood.
"Your wings don't look like they're in any good of a shape either," the mare hummed as she circled around Twilight. "Just from the angle, I can tell that you at the very least broke that one."
"Wait, wait-- " Twilight yelped as the mare lifted her wing. She winced through her words. "You...'re not surprised by me... urk... being an ali--aah! "
The mare jerked away from Twilight's flailing. "Nope. You could have a second head for all I care. Now settle down so I can set your bones."
"Why..." Twilight seethed through her teeth at the continued movement of her wing. "All of this?"
The mare began wrapping her wing in a splint. "Well for starters, you're injured. And I'm a nurse. It's the least I can do. Apologies for not having anything to dull the pain this whole time. Take a seat if you need to."
Twilight watched as she retreated through a doorway. Her gaze turned to the beat-up couch to the side. She approached it, warily eyeing the deep gashes and stains ingrained into its finishing. If this and the buildings around them were any indication, it meant--
The mare returned with another piece of wood. "Secondly , if an alicorn--an injured one at that--was spotted in the alley, I'm sure they'd be hauled away to who-knows-where, never to see the light of day again."
"You've seen other--"
"No, I haven't. But I've seen plenty of neighbors vanish without a trace. Stay still now."
Twilight closed her eyes.
A distant crash reverberated across the structure, followed by shouts. Twilight's eyes shot open. First in the direction of the noise, then to the mare.
"Sounds like it happened again," she pulled back. "There. How's that feel? Too tight?"
Twilight shook her head. "I've been meaning to ask. Who are you? What happened here?"
The mare whistled. "You really wanna know, huh?"
A nod.
"Redheart. Lemme get you something for that poor forehead of yours. I'll--"
"Wait, Nurse Redheart? " Twilight shot up. "Is this Ponyvil--"
"Sh--" Redheart shushed. "I was a nurse up until a couple years ago. I don't know what this Ponyville place is that you're talkin' about though."
A knock came at the door.
"Stay here behind the corner. I'll answer it."
Twilight crouched against the couch. Redheart approached the door. Whoever it was behind it knocked again. Harder .
She opened the door. "I'm so sorry for leaving you waitin--"
"Is this your house?" the stranger growled. They placed a hoof between the door and the frame before peering in. "You there, behind the wall. What were you doing outsi--"
"She has nothing to do with this," Redheart tried to pull the door shut. "If you don't have any business here then please leave." She looked over her shoulder with a stern glare. Though she didn't say a word, Twilight could read it on her lips.
"I thought I told you to hide."
"I know you're hoarding wealth, miss," the gruff voice continued. "How else would your family be able to build a new house like this? You've grown bold, harboring such a suspicious pony on top of all of that. I see that remnant of horn on her."
"Please understand sir, we constructed this place by our own effort. That mare you saw has nothing to do with us. I simply saw that she was injured and--"
A distinct click caught Twilight's attention. Carefully, she peered around the corner again.
"I'll only say this once," the stallion forced his way inside, revolver pointed squarely at Redheart. "Sign this building over to us, and neither you or your family will be hurt. Give us that mare, too. If she has nothing to do with you then I'm sure you have no issue in letting her come with us."
"We both know this is illegal. So, my response to that is no ."
The stallion lifted a brow as he flashed a badge. "If I say it's legal then there will be nothing to report. Just another moneybag being eliminated for the good of the--"
"Excuse me!" another voice came from behind the uniformed stallion.
"What? " he turned.
It was only for a moment, but it was enough time for Redheart to scramble behind the wall. She slammed the window open, mouthing for Twilight to follow.
"Get back here!" the stallion charged into the room, pointing his gun at the two. "You have three seconds before I shoot."
Twilight looked between him and Redheart, who was currently dragging her through the frame. She grit her teeth and lifted her good wing. It wouldn't be much against a bullet, but--
"What are you doing, officer?"
Yet another unseen voice. This one visibly shook the stallion's resolve.
"A-apprehending a suspect in the name of our people, sir!"
"By stripping them of the very home they built with their own hooves and throwing them to the streets? You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you see the room you stand in? This family has no riches to speak of. They are like us."
"But their family name! This house belongs to a descendant of one of the wealthiest businessowners in the city! Would you dare overlook that? And what of the mare with both wings and a horn?"
"And I ask you again--" the owner of the voice finally stepped out from behind the wall. He peered at Twilight first, then Redheart beneath her. "--do these ponies look wealthy to you? You can rip up their floors and their walls. You can empty their drawers and their cabinets. And I can assure you that you will not find a thing of value. That purple mare is of no interest to us anyway. You claim she has both wings and a horn, but I saw only wings and head wound. Come with me. We need to talk."
"Hmpf. Very well then," the stallion with the gun stomped out. "Know that I will be watching you and your family closely . Just as I do your neighbors, your friends, and everyone else in this district."
The door slammed shut. Twilight felt Redheart push on her now. She tumbled from the windowsill to the floor with a pained groan, with Redheart climbing back in after her.
"Those corrupt officials, " she grumbled under her breath. She brushed herself off. "Er--sorry about the unexpected excitement, you..."
"Twilight," Twilight picked herself up. She winced at the pain radiating from her left wing. "What was that all about? Who were those?"
"Nothing you need to worry about. They already said all you needed to know about me," Redheart sighed. She sat down on the couch and let herself sink in. "Open the door and let them. I know they're waiting outside and I know they're friendly."
Twilight stepped past the couch and around the corner. She could sort of see the silhouette of someone outside through the window beside the door. She reached out, trying to grasp the handle with her magi... right. No more horn.
She opened the door. The mare and filly standing outside rushed in. "Redheart!" the mare gasped. "Are you alright? I saw what happened and tried to distract him. It's a miracle that that higher-ranked official that showed up with him happened to be one of your family friends. I picked up your daughter from school the moment I heard that they were coming for your home."
"Yeah, I'm good," Redheart waved off her friend. "Thanks for that. I'm not sure if I would've survived if it weren't for you two."
"We scared away the bad ponies!" the filly standing beside the mare cantered up to Redheart. "That means we're safe now, right?"
"For now, yes," Redheart stroked her daughter's mane. "Right. Everypony, this is Twilight. I found her outside in the rain covered in wounds and brought her in just before the house raid happened. Twilight, this is my friend, Blossomforth, and my daughter, Serenity."
Twilight gave an awkward wave.
"How's that?" Redheart tightened the wrappings on Twilight's head. "It'll help keep out infections while also hiding what's left of your horn."
"You really don't have to do so much for me--urk--" Twilight nudged Serenity away from her broken wing. "If that first officer was even a little more stubborn against his higher-up regarding my existence, you likely wouldn't be alive right now."
"But here I am, right?" Redheart sat back. "Listen. I don't know where you came from or who you are, but even though I'm no longer a nurse I will do whatever I can to help as many ponies as possible."
"Mm-hm! My mom is very brave!" Serenity squeaked.
"Sometimes too brave," Blossomforth added. She stroked Twilight's good wing with a hoof. "Same goes for her husband in a way. He spent so much time helping to manage the chaos of that inheritance struggle that in the end, nothing was left for himself. The two of you need to be more careful these days. Especially with another kid on the way. How's your son doing?"
Redheart hummed. "He gets by. Pretty sure he knows we aren't planning on staying here for much longer."
"But you just built this house. What do you mean you aren't planning on staying?"
Redheart glanced at the window, then at the door. She leaned in closer. "I thought you'd known by now why I left my profession to open that cafe with my husband."
Blossomforth lifted a brow. "That dingy place? You've got, what? Two? Three cans of coffee grounds on those shelves of yours in there? I don't think... oh. Oooooooooh ."
A smirk grew across Redheart's face. "Exactly. If you can chip in, we can maybe get your family aboard as well. We'll all sail far away from this place to that beautiful land across the sea."
"Is there anything I can do?" Twilight lifted a hoof. "I know I'm probably not in much if any shape to do much, let alone help in whatever it is that you have planned. But where I came from, I..." she paused. It wasn't exactly a card she liked to play, but in this situation it really seemed like anything would help. "I am, or maybe was, a princess. One of four that ruled with care over our citizens. I can help manage your orders, maybe--o-or attempt to negotiate with those government officials so that you don't have to worry about being raided like you were earlier anymore."
Redheart snorted. "Mythical being or not, you certainly don't look the part of a princess. But I'll buy it for now. You seem pretty decent of a mare so far. Keep that trust between us up and I'll get you a spot on the boat too."
Twilight glanced at her wings. Then back at Redheart.
"Don't even try. They shoot down anyone unauthorized to fly the moment they spot you." She stood up. "Rest for now. I'm opening tomorrow. I'll explain you to the boys when they get back. We'll see how you do tomorrow at the cafe. Blossom, you should head home now too. Leave too late and you'll look suspicious."
And here we are, once again. The beginning of something new.
Fractures has been a long-existing project of mine that I've worked on and off on for years. At least from a conceptual stance, it can trace its roots all the way back to my old Wielder of the Orb project. Yes, that one . The script-formatted source material that became it, I mean.
I still intend to revisit the world of original fiction with Fractures soon. This story will serve as a sort of prototype for the final story--somewhere where I can test out and play with ideas ahead of time, and see how you, the readers, like them. The plot between this fic and the original fiction version will likely end up differing drastically in the long-run, but I'm sure many of you would prefer to read something that isn't just a direct-from-fanfiction adaptation into original fiction anyway.
That being said, let's have a little discussion of the plot and what's to come.
This version of Fractures is far, far different compared to the version I'd been posting in blog posts last year following a successful NaNoWriMo. I decided that, going into rewriting the story once again, it might be interesting to draw from some aspects of my parents' experiences. They were children caught up in the center of the Vietnam War, living in a majority Chinese enclave within the former South Vietnamese city of Saigon (now Ho Chi Minh city).
Much of this chapter is directly influenced by a story my mom told of how her own mother, my grandmother, had once been visited by a corrupt government official who demanded that she sign over the house that they'd just built. Just like in this chapter, a family friend and a connection with a higher-ranking official were what let my grandmother get away safely.
Moving forward, this story will settle down into a more slice-of-life-y arc as Twilight begins to explore this parallel world around her, and what it was that sent her here in the first place.
Beyond this city, Fractures will dive deep into the worldbuilding that I've been revising constantly for the past five or so years. For now, I want to explore the possibility of drawing from my parents' war stories. The early arcs of this story will use those experiences as a framing device to introduce the wider world.
I hope you've enjoyed this chapter, and as always, thank you for reading.
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Project (Not Really)Emphenom #21: Fractures: Old Friends
"Spike, weren't you supposed to be putting your comics away? "
"I uh," Spike lowered the comic book just enough to peer back at her. "Whoops. Sorry."
Twilight shook her head with a smile. "Just as long as you clean them up when you're done. If you need anything, I'll be working on some papers upstairs." She stepped past him, taking note of the little salute he performed as she did so. As for the task at hoof... something about receiving some new books on loan from a larger library in Canterlot, wasn't it?
Right. Those papers were both to confirm that the shipment had arrived as well as to evaluate their condition for recordkeeping. It was inevitable that those books would get dinged up even more than they already had been while they were here. If for some miraculous reason, they were sent back in the exact same condition as they'd come in, then she'd very much prefer to not pay any of those 'damage fees' that the Canterlot librarians were so insistent on charging. So long as she had evidence of the books being in the exact same condition from beginning to end, she'd be able to avoid...
Twilight stared down at the steaming kettle.
What was she thinking about again?
Redheart tapped her on the shoulder. "You feelin' alright? You've been spacing out all morning since you got here."
"Moooooom, look!" Serenity burst into the kitchen, further tearing Twilight from her thoughts. She held the bag of coffee beans up over her head with both hooves, nearly tipping over backward as she did so. "I got more beans from uncle!"
"Mmm. Good job, honey," Redheart stepped away from Twilight and pat Serenity on the head. "Leave that by Twilight for now. You wanna visit grandma later today?"
"Ooh, yeah!" Serenity scampered out.
"Hey! While you're in here you might as well do some homework!"
Redheart turned back to Twilight with an amused huff. "Kids, y'know? Anyway, you good there? I know we don't exactly have the fanciest equipment, so it's gonna take a bit of physical strength to grind the roasted beans down."
Twilight eyed the mechanical grinder beside her. "I think I should be alright. I've done more physical things than this before."
The kitchen door opened again, this time revealing a stallion. "How's our newbie doing? Have her come into the office whenever you're done. I want to familiarize her with our suppliers."
"Just showing her how to use the machines in case if we're too busy," Redheart grabbed the handle and began turning clockwise. "It'll feel easy for now since there aren't any beans in the grinder yet, but this is the direction you want to turn it. Spin the other way and it'll start spitting beans right back at ya."
She released the handle and stepped aside for Twilight. "Alright now. You turn the handle and I'll pour in the beans. Try not to go too quickly either, or else that also makes it spit out beans."
Twilight cranked the handle. She watched closely as Redheart poured a portion of the bag into the funnel at the top. She knew the instant the beans worked their way into the grinding mechanism from the sudden resistance that she felt in the handle. But sure enough, though it did get stuck for a moment, a good whack with her body weight behind it got the mechanism going again. Freshly ground coffee beans poured from the chute at the bottom into a tin.
"There you go, now you know how to do it!" Redheart clapped her hooves. "Alright, you can go now.
Author's Note
And that's it. Fractures (mid-2024) across everything I'd written.
Fun fact, part of the reason why this version is such a massive departure from the rest of my attempts at Fractures is because it was an attempt to sneak in a bit of my parents' IRL stories of their childhoods as war refugees.
Maybe in the future I'll try and write that out in full, rather than trying to shoehorn it haphazardly into an MLP fanfic.
As mentioned previously, although the full stories that they told likely won't be put into Fractures again, there are bits and pieces that I might end up reusing. After all, the world of Fractures is quite different from the Equestria y'all know, and the looming threat of conflict is something I do want to touch on.
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Twilight isn't actually immortal, just that the only thing that can harm her is a grain of rice travelling at exactly φ hammer units per tick?
Author's Note
Don't tell me The Spy of the Tiger has been Equestria's server admin this entire time!
Twilight isn't actually immortal, just that the only thing that can harm her is a grain of rice travelling at exactly φ hammer units per tick?
Twilight was having An Day. Nothing out of the ordinary (at least, as far as 'ordinary' could go when it came to Equestria), partly cloudy skies. Maybe a little windy at times. Even the cobblestones beneath her hooves felt a perfectly ordinary temperature.
She proceeded to faceplant and drift away in the aforementioned wind, Thanos-snapped by a single grain of rice traveling at precisely φ hammer units per tick.
Lisa Garnet threw off her headset. That was the third time that morning that she'd been erroneously terminated by the server for doing absolutely nothing in particular. Like, she was the lead developer of the whole simulation, yet apparently the anticheat either didn't know, or didn't care.
She huffed, lowering the headset back over her eyes and logging back in. Again.
this story turned freakin' 9 years old?
Nine years.
Nine. HECCIN years.
That was as many as three threes.
Holy crap.
Three threes? Such an immense number befuddled the mind.
Twilight slowly lifted her face from the horse-shaped indentation she'd made on the liminal space formerly known as Her Desk. It had been quite some time. Again. Though, she swore she'd gone through this experience more than once before, snapping back to reality after spending so long writing and all. Maybe not. She didn't bother checking.
She rose from her chair, unkempt wingfeathers scratching against the weathered varnish of its armrests. A loud exhale escaped her, accompanied only by the reverberating crack that rung out as she flexed her spine.
"Spike?" she pushed the door open. "Spike, are you there?"
The hallway was empty.
"Spike?" she repeated, pausing at every door the little dragon could conceivably be hidden behind. It had been ages since she truly walked her castle's halls. The muscle memory just wasn't there anymore.
"Spike?" she nudged another door open, forcing her muzzle through the opening and peering inside.
Sure enough, this one was Spike's room.
Abandoned.
Apparently.
Her eyes flit between the unkempt piles of... unidentifiable things littering the floor and his own desk. Clearly, he must have been in a hurry to lea--
"Wazzup, Twi?"
If it weren't the shock itself that nearly killed her, then the bloodcurdling scream she let loose at minimum shredded her throat.
"What's got you all worked up? I was just getting a snack from the kitchen," Spike crossed his arms.
"I-I thought you--" Twilight looked between him and his unkempt room. "But it's so m--"
"I'm a dragon, I hoard things," Spike pushed the door open wider and entered. He hopped onto his bed, taking a bite out of the cookie he held. "Anyway, is there something you want?"
"I..." Twilight paced her words, her breaths still frantic and heavy from the earlier surprise. "I need you to find me something to do."
Spike snorted. "As if I haven't heard that plenty enough now. Maybe try reading a book?"
She shook her head. "No, no more books. I've read them all."
"Figured. That's what you said the first time anyway. Go write then, shoo," Spike waved her off. "It's what you always end up doing anyway whenever you come to me asking what to do. Don't you have, like, taxes or something to file? Or are you just the type of monarch where you take but never give?"
Twilight ignored the entire second half of what he said. "Thanks. Really. I hadn't considered writing. I think?" She paused for a moment, trying to remember what she'd done for the past nine years. She was pretty sure all that time was spent faceplanted in that horse-shaped hole in her desk. "What should I write about?"
The sound of Spike's facepalm tore her back to reality. "Think Twilight, think . You've been doing this for a whole nine years and counting. To the day . Just do what you've always done. Listen to The Voices™ and hallucinate something while draped haphazardly over your desk at unnatural angles that for sure couldn't be comfortable even for a corpse."
Twilight blinked slowly before raising a thumbs-up with a wing. She lit her horn and vanished.
For eons, Twilight sat in the corner of her bedroom, staring out the window overlooking Ponyville.
The Voices .
Spike said to listen to them.
Unfortunately, all of them were currently telling her to burn down Ponyville.
At last, a stray through wandered into mind. A slim, shady smirk spread across her face as she lowered her head. Yes, I know exactly what I wrote there.
"What if..."
Author's Note
i have no idea when or if I'll stop lol
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Derpy forgot to claim the value of the Bazooka as income on her taxes?
Author's Note
We were having a good time, The Spy of the Tiger . We were all having a good time. Until Ultra-Derpy busted through the door.
Derpy forgot to claim the value of the Bazooka as income on her taxes?
Derpy blew the smoke off her bazooka. Where a tax evader once stood there was now a crater big enough to hold at least five ponies.
Her job here was done.
She adjusted her mailmare hat and slung the weapon back over her shoulder, turning around in time to face...
The muzzle of another bazooka.
"You are under arrest for your failure to claim the value of your borrowed bazooka as income on your taxes."
Derpy nudged the bazooka aside. "My weapon is only borrowed. I plan to return it as soon as I can." She stared into the sunglasses that her... clone? Parallel universe self? Future self, maybe? wore. Or at least, she tried her best to stare.
"I will personally escort you back. Make sure it is returned."
Celestia looked up from her tea. "Oh hey, Derpy. You're back early."
Derpy and Ultra-Derpy walked past.
"Armory?"
"Eyup," both pegasi eyupped.
"Alright, don't forget to lock it on your way out. My sister has a knack for misappropriating its contents whenever she gets into the heavy armor division."
"Will do," Ultra-Derpy saluted before slipping through the doorway.
Derpy re-mounted the bazooka on the wall before spinning around. "There. Happy now?"
"Affirmative. Goodbye," Ultra-Derpy saluted again as she dissolved into a twinkling cloud.
Her bazooka clattered to the floor once its owner had returned to her timeline.
randomness #whatever: hair
Rarity shimmied up beside Twilight. "I really love your hair today!"
"Thanks! I was trying out a--"
"May I have it?"
Twilight blinked. "Whuh? "
"May I have it? " Rarity repeated, several strands of Twilight's mane already drawn into her mouth.
Author's Note
idk
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Octavia discovered the secret to listening to JPEGs?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger would stab the monitor to hear a JPEG, too.
Octavia discovered the secret to listening to JPEGs?
Vinyl Scratch peeked into the room.
Octavia didn't notice the intrusion; her eyes still shut as she rhythmically nodded her head to... something . To what in particular, Vinyl still wasn't sure.
She traced the cable of the headphones she'd gifted her marefriend last Hearth's Warming down to the floor... across to the desk against the wall... past the keyboard...
Past even the Walkmare they shared?
...And straight into the middle of a now mildly-impaled computer monitor.
"Vinyl!" Octavia opened her eyes. She pulled Vinyl into a tight hug. "I've been trying to figure out what to get you for Hearts and Hooves day! I never knew that electronic music would be so... electrifying. "
Vinyl Scratch coughed. Partly from the sudden hug. And partly because she was also now feeling the buzz of electricity from the monitor flowing through her body.
~~woah I think this is the first time I actually attempted writing casual romance and not had it end up as a cringe disaster in my own eyes~~
Author's Note
RandomCommentor ... who is Grog?
Grog.
Applejack slammed the wanted poster down on the counter. "Who. Is. Grog. "
The disheveled Twilight Sparkle adjusted her glasses, then lifted AJ's hoof from the poster. "An excellent question, fellow Ponyvillian. Who is Grog?"
She spun around dramatically, running a hoof through her slick, unshowered mane. "Or should we be asking, what is Grog?"
"We ain't got time for this, Twi. This here wanted poster popped up outta nowhere, an' Ah'd much rather have this Grog feller be caught than havin' em' run free. You know anythin' bout Grog?"
"I must apologize, for I do not know!" Twilight bent over backwards, facing Applejack again as her glasses fell against her horn with a light clink . "A mysterious poster, and an even more mysterious pony, oh my! What fantastical adventure awaits in the pursuit of Grog? "
"'Dunno. Some stolen chickens, maybe. Certain death if ya wanna keep bein' dramatic."
Twilight swooned in the opposite direction. "Death! What a tragic fate to behold if it shall befall us in our encounter against Grog! Surely--"
"Says on th' poster that Grog's got a club. Armed 'n' dangerous sorta pony."
"Or perhaps Grog isn't even a pony at all!" Twilight gasped, planting both hooves in front of Applejack. "Perhaps, Grog is nothing but a construct, collectively imagined by the greater whole!"
"Yer sayin' Grog is a hallucination."
"That Grog can be a hallucination!" Twilight grinned. She ducked under the counter, popping up again moments later with a collection of suspicious bottles and flasks. "There is only one way to know for sure!"
The saloon doors were torn off their hinges with such intense force that they flew across the room, conveniently scooping up every item on the counter save for the wanted poster and obliterating them against the opposite wall.
"Time's up, Grog, " Sherifflestia lowered her hat. She... attempted to blow out the smoke drifting from her horn, though that only resulted in her blowing raspberries and messing up her mane in the process.
Also her horn is now on fire.
"I'll be back, Grog, " Sherifflestia shuffled off to find the nearest garden hose.
Applejack and Twilight stared at each other.
Twilight eloquently rubbed her chin. "I suppose, perhaps Grog was merely the friends we made along the way."
Applejack was later arrested that day for three counts of property damage, assault with a wooden club, and downing the saloon's entire stock in only two sips. Without paying .
Author's Note
yall had it comin' i'm tellin ya
a ponderance of if?
Twilight stared at the singular word she'd written.
If.
Two words; so simple, yet filled with so much meaning. It imbues all that immediately follows with a sense of future-ness . Events that have yet to happen. Events that perhaps may never happen.
If she continues to the next word, then it would be one that naturally carries into a future action.
Or, if she wielded the word in a different context...
If she had written with a differing tense, then suddenly, that sense of future-ness becomes inverted. The theoretical no longer reflects on what is yet to happen, but instead on what has happened.
If is a naturally reflective word. It adds not only additional meaning to the words that surround it, but a temporal meaning. A pondering meaning.
"Hey Twilight," Spike slipped a plate of uncooked ramen bricks onto the desk. "Brought you some snacks."
Twilight stared at the hardened noodles.
If Spike had bothered to cook them, then she'd be having a nice bowl of ramen right about now.
She took a bite out of the dehydrated noodles and chewed thoughtfully. And loudly.
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Pinkie's eyebrow went and got a Subway footlong?
Author's Note
Scyphi ... huh???
Pinkie's eyebrow went and got a Subway footlong?
Pinkie's eyebrow rang the bell at the front counter of the local Subway. Why is there a Subway in the middle of Ponyville, where just about nopony eats meat? Who knows! I don't.
Anyway, Pinkie's eyebrow rang the bell again. Harder.
"Yes, yes, I'm coming," a tired-sounding stallion emerged from the back room. No, not The Backrooms. The back room.
He stared at Pinkie's eyebrow.
Pinkie's eyebrow stared back. Somehow.
"What kind of bread would you li--"
"Italian herbs and cheese, black forest ham with lettuce, tomato, and onion, sweet onion dressing, and mayonnaise!" Pinkie's eyebrow chirped.
"Bing bong," the stallion muttered under his breath as he pulled a loaf of totally-not-legally-classified-as-cake-in-Ireland bread out. " Would you like it to be a footlong?
Pinkie's eyebrow nodded. Somehow.
"Would you like it to be toasted?"
More nodding. How does an eyebrow even nod?
The stallion stared at the bits that the eyebrow had somehow procured. Then at the eyebrow, which was holding the Subway footlong it'd just ordered. And was now eating.
~~what the heck~~
one of the Bluebots was a mole?
Author's Note
bkam , i think I"ll be taking the literal route today.
*disappears again for finals and final projects and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*
one of the Bluebots was a mole?
"Bluebot #69420-42, why are you like this?"
Bluebot #69420-42 continued digging, completely ignoring Bluebot #62889-765.
"Bluebot #69420-42. Are your microphones inactive? I await your response."
"Dig."
"That is rather uncouth of an action for a Bluebot unit such as yourself to perform."
"I'm not a Bluebot, I'm a mole!" Bluebot #69420-42 continued to dig. "I wanna find wooooooooooooorms!"
"...This is not what our programming dictates us to do when the term 'mole' was defined, Bluebot #69420-42."
"I don't care! Worms!"
twilight sparkle is in Minecraft story mode
Author's Note
Huskylover reminded me that Minecraft: Story Mode is a game that exists.
twilight sparkle is in Minecraft story mode
"RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the Twiggle Storm screeched. Block by block the terrain around Jesse and their friends lifted up and away, sucked in by the writhing central mass forming around the accursed command block creation.
Jesse and the rest of their gang braced themselves. Ivor really outdid himself with the creation of this... this thing .
"Books." a decidedly non-witherstorm-like voice suddenly chirped. "Screw that amulet thing, gimme books."
"It speaks? " someone shouted from behind. Because the author has never played Minecraft: Story Mode, he has no idea who would canonically say something like that.
The Twigglestorm proceeded to consume some poor villager's entire library.
Author's Note
To new beginnings.
(Best experienced on desktop, apologies to mobile readers.)
What if...
Well, let's get this out of the way, shall we?
Of course, you can't have a What If without
a completely
and utterly
broken
F̶͈̅i̵̩̪͌m̶̡̢̔̾f̴̞̓i̵̧͆͜͠c̸̒͜t̴̫̘̽̀ị̸̛͕ȯ̸͇͌ń̶̪͖
the website.
There. Now that breaking the site is done and out of the way... on with the story! And of course, to a brighter tomorrow. The world's scary out there, y'all. But right here? This is our world. And we're gonna build it together.
~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~
Twilight gently placed the previous eight years of her life's work onto her shelf, paying special care not to drop the absurdly thick novel of a thousand chapters.
One thousand.
That's as many as one hundred tens. Or ten one hundreds. Or twenty fifties. Two five-hundreds. One singular mill.
She'd come a long way from that day, when she'd frantically searched for something--anything , that she could possibly still do.
But this wasn't over. It never is. So long as there are words to say, experiences to feel, emotions to convey--it's not over. A uniquely permanent thing, ideas are; even as the ones that carry them come and go, swept away by the endless currents of time, ideas will remain. What may have once been tangible then becomes intangible, yet even if its physical permanence may be long-gone, this intangibility, this permanence --will linger on.
And so, the writing must continue. The speaking must continue. The art, the music, the memories both good and bad, the imagination ...
They will go on.
Twilight Sparkle lifted a fresh sheet of parchment from the neat stack she'd set up on her desk. It'd felt like eons since she'd done anything like this. But now, staring at the blank page before her, an ink-dipped quill gently floating above its pristine surface...
There was fear.
There... is fear.
Of the unknown, of course; of new beginnings, of endings, of what may be, of what may not be. Of all the little things in life that linger in her mind. Of all the big things in life that she cannot ignore.
In a sense, this fear,
was of life itself.
.
It scares her.
It scares me .
But we live in the present, and experience the past.
It's said that beginnings and endings are always the hardest.
Twilight furrowed her brows. What would she even write about? How often would she find herself writing once more about something that'd already been written? How many times would she find herself staring again at a blank page, minutes, hours, days of work, all gone to waste?
It scared her. So much.
She felt her heart beating in her throat as she set the quill tip to the parchment.
...
...
No, not good enough.
Not good enough.
Not... enough.
If words could haunt, that phrase would be one of the phantoms to end all phantoms.
And she knew it well.
We knew it well.
They were the words that we whispered to ourselves, or even told by others; sometimes hardly, sometimes often. But rarely, if ever,
never.
.
Those words are... incorrect.
Twilight ran a slow hoof through her mane. She drew in a long, deep breath.
It took a lot of strength to say that. Much more than she could've ever imagined.
And no matter how little it may have felt compared to all that surrounded her,
it was enough.
.she was in control. No matter how much it may otherwise have felt, she was the one at the table.
I am the one at the keyboard.
She had to remember.
She did this for herself.
And even then, if not for herself, she made for someone else.
She did this not for glory, or for fame, or for money or for clout or for anything else she could think of.
She did this because she enjoyed it.
Because we enjoy this.
She, the narrator. Me, the author.
You , the reader.
Even if it were only a precious few words on one day, or even no words for a month, what mattered most was that she enjoyed what she did.
She lifted her quill, peering at the minuscule dot she'd made on the parchment. It was like a singular, lonely star among a vast, empty cosmos. A lone traveler in an arid desert. A penguin, lost in the tundra.
She touched her quill on the parchment again, watching the tiny splotch of ink grow beneath the tip.
A little heart, beating for companionship.
There were so, so many things that it could become, that singular dot.
She set the quill upon the page again. That little heart-shaped splotch grew into a line, then another line, then a character, then a word. A sentence. A paragraph.
A story.
This story.
She really had to thank Spike for giving her the idea to write all those years ago.
Twilight stared at the words she had written. All the way down to this very word. There was a great beauty in making something with your own efforts. It didn't have to be big, nor did it have to be grand. It just had to be .
Be come.
Be fit.
Be gin.
And that precisely was what she was doing. This blank slate had become a new beginning. The start of a whole new journey to who-knows-where, accompanied by companions she hadn't even dreamt of making yet, let alone encountered. New and old faces alike would surely be encountered, and more than likely some old characters and scenarios--or even all of them--would continue on, carried forth into this new iteration of her work.
She paused.
Spike peered through the crack of the door, illuminated from behind by the bright lights of the hallway.
"Is this a bad time, Twi? I brought some cookies from Pinkie."
He pushed the door open, waddling in with the plate of sweets.
He placed it at the corner of her desk and took one for himself.
As for Twilight, she continued to write.
"What if..."
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Pinkie Permanently shattered the forth wall in every show ever?
Author's Note
Your typo has been immortalized, Starfire111110 !
Also, behold!
The First (Comment-Driven) Chapter of What If 2!!!
Pinkie Permanently shattered the forth wall in every show ever?
"They always say that I'm breaking the fourth wall," Pinkie slammed her hoof through the lens of the camera filming her, much to Twilight's annoyance. "But what wall are they even talking about? I just see my friends from beyond the void!"
A fuzzy pink hoof entered the darkened realm between worlds, prodding aimlessly about in search of nothing in particular. Every so often, a little glimpse of light would shine past, briefly illuminating the hundreds upon thousands--millions, or even billions--
Endless, in all honesty--planes of existence.
With a single blind swipe, Pinkie annihilated the fourth walls of every show currently known to exist. Next time you suddenly see a pink hoof poking at the screen randomly while you're watching, say hi to Pi--
"Hiya! What's this place? Looks a lot like the old place but new instead!"
OH NO SHE'S HERE-- 💥
the Mane 6 ran Planet Express?
Author's Note
Long time no see, Dreadnought !
the Mane 6 ran Planet Express?
"Pinkie, how're the packages back there lookin'?" Twilight momentarily glanced over her shoulder.
"Frosty!" Pinkie patted the freezer on its handle.
The ship lurched forward as Rainbow Dash slid in front of Twilight to take the controls. "You know we could go a little faster, right? We'll be late on the next delivery after this one if we keep going at this spee--hey!"
Twilight set Rainbow Dash back in her seat and buckled her in. And maybe also duct-taped her down.
"Do we really have to do that every trip?" Fluttershy poked the struggling Rainbow Dash. "She can still do the actual delivery runs from the ship to our clients! Or help me take care of the creatures we transport sometimes!"
"Or she could settle down for the ride, darling," Rarity raised a hoof. "There isn't all too much to do in space and Applejack's busy doing maintenance."
Rainbow leaned back in her seat as far as she could, peering upside-down at Pinkie beside the freezer. "What are we transporting, anyway?"
"A freezer," Twilight kept her eyes at the window.
"A freezer."
"Yup. Just a freezer."
"Isn't there something in the freezer then?" Rainbow continued to squirm, granting herself another layer of duct tape courtesy of Rarity. "We have like one other thing to deliver! What's so important about an empty freezer? Can't we handle the other delivery first? Engine parts sound a lot more important than some empty box."
"What if I told you that we're headed to Equestria to deliver this freezer to the Wonderbolts?"
"Fine."
Luna and Cadance got drunk together?
Author's Note
Welcome aboard the crazy train, Advisability ! Please do not resist.
Luna and Cadance got drunk together?
"--And the--hic--I said, 'oh, you're gonna banish me to the moon again? Neigh, to the sun with you!" Luna shot up onto the table, mimicking the stuffing of Princess Celestia into the Lunar Yeet Cannon and aiming it instead at the sun. "How's that for a love story, Cady?"
Princess Cadance silently sipped her drink. Luna didn't need to know that she'd developed such a tolerance for the stuff that it'd become nearly impossible for her to get drunk. Blame the return of Sombra and subsequently being used as a projectile for that.
"Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," Luna slipped back down into the booth and slung a foreleg around Cadance. "Ya wanna come back to my place to play some... vidya gaems?"
"L U L U!" Celestia crashed through the ceiling of the bar, still very much engulfed in flames. She swiftly doused herself with a bucket of milk before clearing her throat. "For crimes against me, I'm sentencing you to time-out for three hours."
Princess Cadance sipped her drink harder. This was getting interesting.
"And I'll--hic--do it again!" Luna lunged for Celestia.
Celestia, for her part, scooped up her drunken sister like a misbehaving cat and sauntered out the bar.
Yes, Luna was yowling like a cat.
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the Storm King’s invasion was stopped because Luigi appeared and did absolutely nothing?
Author's Note
The updoots are powerful with Starlight Glimmer1 !
the Storm King’s invasion was stopped because Luigi appeared and did absolutely nothing?
"The Storm King's airships loomed dark over Canterlot..."
"...Or at least, they would have."
"Mm-hm, mm-hm," Discord scribbled another drawing of himself as the Chad and the storm king as the Soyjak in his notebook. "And how did this happen, might I ask?"
A million lives of suffering raced past the Storm King's eyes.
"Luigi."
"Luigi? " Discord sprung from his seat. "Mama Luigi himself? Adopted mother of Yoshi from the hit TV series Luigi?"
The Storm King grimaced. "Yes, yes... I take that you know him?"
"Know him?" Discord pulled the Discord mask off of himself as his voice became increasingly a facsimile of an Italian accent. "I am him!"
The Storm King's breaths picked up pace. "You took everything from me."
Luigi lowered his clipboard. "I did nothing."
"You--"
"I mean it," Luigi sat down again, replacing his Discord mask. "Just sorta... zoned out , and the next thing I knew, I was standing on top of you!"
"You careened out of a random sewage pipe, ricocheted off WHO KNOWS HOW MANY random objects and ponies, crashed headfirst through the side of my flagship INTO ME, and sent the both of us hurtling toward the ground to our doom! "
Luigi lifted an arm. "Don't feel very dead. Or doomed."
"That's because you landed on top of me. "
Luigi slowly raised the Poltergust 3000.
"I'm not dead either, if that's what you're asking. Just..." The Storm King sighed, laying back down on the couch. "Broke every bone in my body and then discovered new bones to break along the way."
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Ronald Reagan, the 40th President of the United States of America broke into Pinkie Pie's house to steal her funions?
Author's Note
The_Chill_Author must complete their quest and provide more funions to Pinkie!
Ronald Reagan, the 40th President of the United States of America broke into Pinkie Pie's house to steal her funions?
"IT'S TRICKLE DOWN TIME!" Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States of America, crashed through the wall Kool-Aid man style. "YOU THERE! COMFORTABLY MIDDLE-CLASS MARE. HAND ME YOUR FUNIONS AND I WILL ENSURE THAT THEY ARE SAFELY KEPT IN THE HANDS OF OUR GREAT MEGACORPORATIONS."
Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States of America, snatched the bag of unions right out of Pinkie's hooves and blasted off in his very much extremely unregulated jetpack, leaving behind a second hole in the ceiling.
"TRICKLE DOWN TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States of America's voice echoed down as he disappeared into the clouds.
Pinkie watched a business card flutter down for a local home insurance company.
"Huh??? "
~~you know it's bad when even pinkie is confused~~
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Pinkie stole Celano's pirate ship, only to get attacked by Mickey Mouse (from Steamboat Willie, no relations with Disney) in an effort to turn Pinkie into a musical instrument as they get crossed-attacked by marines from the Grand Line and Cutler Bec
Author's Note
Pinkie stole Celano's pirate ship, only to get attacked by Mickey Mouse (from Steamboat Willie , no relations with Disney) in an effort to turn Pinkie into a musical instrument as they get crossed-attacked by marines from the Grand Line and Cutler Beckett?
Welcome back to the crazy train, Horseus King of Horses !
Pinkie stole Celano's pirate ship, only to get attacked by Mickey Mouse (from Steamboat Willie, no relations with Disney) in an effort to turn Pinkie into a musical instrument as they get crossed-attacked by marines from the Grand Line and Cutler Bec
"Yarrrr!" Pinkie squealed in delight as she piloted (former) Captain Celano's pirate ship. We don't speak of what happened to her. "Time to plunder some booty!"
"Oh no you don't!" an oddly familiar (but very much public domain!) voice came from behind.
Or rather, from above .
Pinkie looked up just in time for Mickey Mouse of Steamboat Willie fame to drop straight down on top of her, completely and utterly flattening the ship in the process. Because he was in his own steamboat. You realize just how heavy those things are?
At the same time, the remains of the ship that now carried Mickey's ship were rammed by another ship that'd somehow veered far, far off the Grand Line, as well as the Endeavor. With the Flying Dutchman stacked on top of it.
Yeah there are a LOT of smashed-up ships piled up there right now.
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something something Sweetie Giraffe for Starfire111110?
Author's Note
Yeah, you, Starfire111110 . I'm lookin' at ya.
something something Sweetie Giraffe for Starfire111110?
"How's the weather up there?"
"Shut up!"
Sweetie Giraffe stared down at the absolutely tiny, minuscule, completely and entirely PATHETIC, pony, far, far below.
"I'm serious!" the tiny and insignificant pony yelled back up. "How's the wea--"
Sweetie Giraffe walked away from the crater that now shot through to the other side of the world. And through the moon. And the sun after that. And then it pierced through the center of the galaxy.
Sweetie Giraffe, of course, was taller than all of them. Combined.
"SCOOTAROO." Sweetie Giraffe boomed from above, her persona finally catching up to her height. "WHAR IZ SCOOTAROO?"
Scootaroo, the tallest and floppiest kangaroo known to exist, flopped before Sweetie Giraffe. "AM HERE."
"AND A🅱🅱LE 🅱LOOM?"
A🅱🅱le 🅱loom lumbered up beside her, also tall as ever, being a fellow giraffe associate of Sweetie.
"FRIENDS." Sweetie Giraffe boomed from above both of them. "DESTROY UNIVERSE."
A🅱🅱le 🅱loom and Scootaroo both saluted.
💥💥💥
Blueblood married King Sombra?
Author's Note
PlymothFury58 is the pastor.
Blueblood married King Sombra?
"Mawwiage is what bwings us together today," the pony that totally wasn't a double-agent infiltrating the very fabric of the universe from beyond the fourth wall began slowly.
Blueblood batted his eyelashes at an absolutely smitten King Sombra.
"Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wuv, true wuv, will follow you forever," the pony continued, pausing to flip the page of the screenplay they were quoting. "So tweasure your wu--"
"WUBZ!" DJ PON-3 burst through the backdrop blasting dubstep that shook the earth to its very core. The ground trembled beneath the two lovebirds, the definitely not an infiltrating fourth-waller, and the DJ.
Vinyl Scratch turned down the volume. Just for a little bit. But still, the rumbling continued.
A crack formed right between the aisles.
Crunch.
The ground noticeably bulged right where the crack had developed.
Crunch.
It was a sort of thumping sound, like someone was trying to break free.
Crunch.
Tirek roared as he burst through the ground, thrusting a bouquet at the married couple with enough force to wipe Canterlot off the face of the planet multiple times over. Naturally, Blueblood caught it. With his face.
"My love!" King Sombra rushed after the still-soaring Blueblood who was now approaching orbital velocities. "Curse you, Tirek!"
"It is you that should be cursed!" Tirek pointed a beefy finger at Sombra. "Cheater!"
The pony who was definitely not a commenter of What If 2, Eclectic Scootaloo , shied away from the commotion as Vinyl Scratch put the dubstep back on.
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kirins burned down Canterlot in celebration of Chineighs New Year? and part of the Kirin's New Year celebration involves shooting fireworks at each other?
Author's Note
Officers Mess and ScopingLandscape tag-team, go!
kirins burned down Canterlot in celebration of Chineighs New Year? and part of the Kirin's New Year celebration involves shooting fireworks at each other?
Kirin #42069 fired a firework at Kirin #123456. Unfortunately, it missed and instead hit Canterlot. Right in the Celestia.
But , this merely burnt away the eons-old visage of an Alicorn that Celestia had donned all these years! For she was in reality... *gasp*
An Alikirin!
What is an Alikirin, you may ask?
"No, I didn't as--"
I'm very happy to answer your non-question, random citizen that can hear the deranged voice in the sky! An Alikirin is an Alicorn and a Kirin! It's right in the name and it most assuredly means the end of us all.
Celestikirin burst through the roof of the now-burning Canterlot Castle and yeeted Celestigoat into the nearest volcano. This is the year of the dragon dangit, and that meant it was time to ~~steal~~ adopt a new dragon egg to force upon her next student!
Also she may or may not have fired a rocket launcher at Kirin #42069.
~~what~~
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applejack stayed with her aunt and uncle orange and become, Orangejack, a spoiled brat that speaks sophisticated, wears elaborate outfit with tons of makeup and her mane styled into a large beehive shape
Author's Note
Woah Randompersononline134 , we've got a contested comment!
applejack stayed with her aunt and uncle orange and become, Orangejack, a spoiled brat that speaks sophisticated, wears elaborate outfit with tons of makeup and her mane styled into a large beehive shape
Rarity stared at Orangejack and her large beehive shape style mane. It was a very large beehive, and she was almost certain that there were actual bees contained within.
Orangejack wiggled her brow. "Darling darling , darling."
Rarity gasped. "Why, I never! Three darlings in a row? What are you? Some kind of Canterlot nobility?"
Orangejack summoned a pair of sunglasses as she (somehow) made a double finger-guns gesture at Rarity. "Right on, my fair maiden."
If it weren't for the incorporeal ether having banished her for unspeakable crimes only half an hour earlier, Rarity would've left the physical realm right then and there.
A lone bee buzzed out of Orangejack's large beehive shape style mane.
"Darling, you have a--"
"Bee, yes, I am quite aware," Orangejack nodded along. "Now please, get along and lay out the carpet for me. I cannot go anywhere without my red carpet!"
Historians say that that was the day an earth pony first learned self-propelled flight.
the Nacho Cheese made you very smol?
Author's Note
Behold bkam , lay thine eyes upon the incredible shrinking bug god!
the Nacho Cheese made you very smol?
"Chrysalis."
"Celestia. My powers have grown since we last met."
Celestia made a face at the puny bug horse in front of her. "Are you really sure about that?"
Chrysalis the flea-sized changeling buzzed up in front of Celestia. "Very. "
"Very well then," Celestia shifted into a fighting stance. "Come at me with all you've got. I'll be careful not to squish yo--"
Celestia was then sucker-punched out of Canterlot Castle. From that day onward, bug spray was henceforth outlawed across the land.
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Pinkie managed to turn the cosmos to cupcake frosting but it was pickle flavored?
Author's Note
Starfire111110 , what are you doing?!
Pinkie managed to turn the cosmos to cupcake frosting but it was pickle flavored?
"Milky Way? More like Frosty Way , amirite?" Pinkie Pie elbowed the utterly flabbergasted Twilight Sparkle.
"How--" Twilight sputtered as she stared through the telescope. "How did you even do that?"
Pinkie shrugged even though Twilight very obviously couldn't see her. "Dunno. There was this weird elf thing under my bed last night and I was talking about how it'd be cool if the cosmos turned into frosting! And then the elf thing turned into a pickle. Funniest thing I'd ever seen!"
"What."
"What? Ooh, you wanna taste it?"
"Hu--" Twilight pulled away from the telescope just in time for Pinkie to somehow extend a spoon off the surface of the planet, out of the atmosphere, across the solar system, and into interstellar space to sample the interstellar medium that makes up the vast stretches of matter that have yet to be consumed by the production of stars and planets. The very act of doing this involved movement speeds so fast, in fact, that Pinkie Pie had once again torn the fabric of reality to shreds, inadvertently dooming precisely two and a half budding alien civilizations to an early fate of hoof-induced gamma-ray bursts before being swallowed by a cacophony of micro-black holes left in the wake of Pinkie's hypersonic hoof.
And then she stuffed the spoon in Twi's mouth.
"Huh, pickles."
"Wait WHAT?"
Apple Family went to Applebee's?
Author's Note
DO YOU WANT THE APPLES OR THE BEES , bkam ?!
Apple Family went to Applebee's?
🅱apple 🅱loom bucked down the door of the fine eatery establishment known as Applebee's. "Hey y'all, we're here now!"
The host at the front console grumbled something under his breath before grabbing menus for every Apple Family member and their cousins, their cousins' cousins, and more, going further and further down the family tree until the population of an entire town was crammed into Applebee's.
The restaurant quaked at the presence of tens of thousands of ponies scrambling for the tables, led pied piper style by a lone host to their seats.
And thus, the Apple Family--all of the Apple Family, sat in one synchronized motion. Also Pinkie is there with her own family, since they're also related. That's all you need to know.
"What would you like for your appetizers tonight? We have--"
"Ť̴̛̪͕̤̳̲͖͇̮̏͊͑̒͌̔̈́͆ḧ̶̡͉̪̞͍̙̫̣͙̳͚̺͉̆̓́̒̈́̇͒͛̋͠ę̷͈͎̜͇̘̗́̍́̈ ̵̡̡̣̝̠̲͉̱̫͗̃͒̈́͑͜B̶̢̻̤͙͉͖͍͈̯͇̼͇̱̌͐͑̈́̉̍è̴̢̧͖͙͍̰̫̝͕͇̏͒͗̀̈̄͆̈́ě̶̩̤̪̟̲̺̆̀̑͠ś̴̡̡͉̣̬̲̣̖͇̤̙̄͂̐̽̈̃͐͛ ."
"Excuse me?"
"Ť̴̛̪͕̤̳̲͖͇̮̏͊͑̒͌̔̈́͆ḧ̶̡͉̪̞͍̙̫̣͙̳͚̺͉̆̓́̒̈́̇͒͛̋͠ę̷͈͎̜͇̘̗́̍́̈ ̵̡̡̣̝̠̲͉̱̫͗̃͒̈́͑͜B̶̢̻̤͙͉͖͍͈̯͇̼͇̱̌͐͑̈́̉̍è̴̢̧͖͙͍̰̫̝͕͇̏͒͗̀̈̄͆̈́ě̶̩̤̪̟̲̺̆̀̑͠ś̴̡̡͉̣̬̲̣̖͇̤̙̄͂̐̽̈̃͐͛," every single pony present harmonized in horrifying unity. Even the chefs joined in as they all slowly pounded the tables.
The host pony sighed. "The Bees™ it is. Please wait while I get you all some."
He walked away, disappearing around some corner that hadn't been there before.
Slowly, a low buzzing noise began to rumble.
Every surface of the restaurant trembled more and more with every second. Louder and louder the buzzing grew, until millions upon millions of bees flooded the vast expanse of the Applebee's region.
The entire Apple Family cheered as the bees smashed through the windows, bathing them not only in bees but the crisp nighttime air under Luna's Moon.
The host pony stood by with a mop.
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that mare allowed ponies to temporarily store things within her warehouse form every full moon at a small fee so to make some extra money?
Author's Note
Scyphi yeeteth and Scyphi yoinketh away.
that mare allowed ponies to temporarily store things within her warehouse form every full moon at a small fee so to make some extra money?
Unnamed pony #1297231 ushered back the crowd. "Alright, alright, stand back now y'all. I can feel it coming. I can feel it in my bones . Stand clear until the transformation is done. All y'all here have paid already, yeah?"
There was a general murmur of agreement.
"Good. Can't let anybody else find us out here. Now then. Please wait patiently while I morb."
"What."
"Transform! I meant transform."
The full moon emerged from behind the clouds. The mare screeched in unholy tongues as her frame grew larger, bulkier, and more metallic in composition.
~~I could do a big funny and write a detailed transformation sequence of a pony turning into a warehouse right here, right now.~~
~~Screwit it's 2 am I'll do it.~~
Her eyes widened with an unnatural glow, growing in size and migrating outward with the widening of her face. They flickered for a moment before settling in their new positions as lights on either side of what was once her muzzle--now a massive garage door. Her jaw thickened and lowered as it planted itself into the ground, literally cementing itself as a solid floor formed where flesh once existed.
An earsplitting crack reverberated through the forest as her body hollowed out and solidified. For reasons called "I'm keeping this fic rated E", a magical miasma rose up around her, concealing her form until the transformation was complete.
"Oh sweet, a warehouse!"
The stallion behind the producer of that quip smacked them across the face. "You watched that mare turn into the warehouse. C'mon, let's get our boat out already."
~~wtf did I write~~
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Fluttershy suddenly discovered that her Prussian blue paint is actually made of a toxic cyanide salt?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger is rapidly approaching your location.
Fluttershy suddenly discovered that her Prussian blue paint is actually made of a toxic cyanide salt?
"H-how was I supposed to know that Prussian Blue is made of a toxic cyanide salt? I'm not a chemist, I take care of animals!"
Fluttershy and Twilight stared at Rarity's unmoving body.
Twilight lit her horn. "Well, I think we both know what we must do now. We must--"
"Respectfully bury her and tell her friends and family of the incident before turning me in to the proper authorities on the accusation of murder?"
"What? Psh, no , don't you know when it's necromancy time, Fluttershy?"
"What."
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following her..."reformation"...Cozy Glow was introduced to Sweetie Giraffe? And somehow wasn't immediately incinerated? (and Cheesy Giraffe had the power of osmosis?)
Author's Note
I am forcibly tag-teaming you two, Scyphi and Juxtaponition .
following her..."reformation"...Cozy Glow was introduced to Sweetie Giraffe? And somehow wasn't immediately incinerated? (and Cheesy Giraffe had the power of osmosis?)
"SMOL CHILDE," Sweetie Giraffe boomed over the pathetically short, tiny, in no way tall at all Cozy Glow. "U BURN SHORT THINGS?"
"Y...yes?"
Sweetie Giraffe lumbered away. "ACCEPTABLE. WILL DESTROY LATER."
"Huh."
Cozy Glow stared up at the rainclouds looming overhead. A distant roar screeched over the land, followed by the clouds, rain and all, rapidly accelerating in the direction of the screech. It was, in fact, raining sideways now, for the concentration of water within the being known as Cheesy Giraffe was so absurdly low that osmosis had now become a long-distance force of nature capable of effecting large bodies of water rather than operating merely on a molecular gradient basis.
"Well golly, that sure isn't something you see every day."
Cozy Glow watched the water absorb into Cheesy Giraffe. And then a laser courtesy of Sweetie Giraffe sent her flying. Because "later" does not necessarily mean that any appreciable amount of time will pass.
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the twilight writing all these down in the framing device had a nice day out with lunch in a local park? I think she's getting a little frazzled.
Author's Note
Advisability thought this was gonna be a normal chapter, but it was ME, Dio, all along!
the twilight writing all these down in the framing device had a nice day out with lunch in a local park? I think she's getting a little frazzled.
"So, lunch, how's your day?"
The sentient sandwich shuddered at the level of self-awareness it'd been granted not even an hour before. "I am... concerned. "
"Right you are, lunch! What are you concerned about?"
The sandwich patted itself over, paying special attention to push a tomato slice back into its body. "Everything . Why did you create me?"
Twilight shrugged. "Bored. Spike left you on the countertop in the kitchen and I had a spellbook with me when I walked past."
"You create life , living, breathing, sentient life ... out of boredom?"
Twilight sipped her capri-sun. "Well, I guess when you put it that way it does start sounding kinda weird."
The sandwich fell to its 'knees'. "Dear creator, why must you act with such hubris? "
A seagull swooped down and stole away the sandwich before Twilight could respond.
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Pinkie taught Rarity to bend the laws of physics, and motion, and how to become one with chaos, but then Discord sued Pinkie for teaching Rarity the art of chaos without his say so, as he is the embodiment of chaos himself?
Author's Note
I swear Electrix , these comments only get longer and longer by the week.
Pinkie taught Rarity to bend the laws of physics, and motion, and how to become one with chaos, but then Discord sued Pinkie for teaching Rarity the art of chaos without his say so, as he is the embodiment of chaos himself?
"And then you do a little shimmy!" Pinkie Pie wiggled her torso. "Like that!"
"You... do a little shimmy," Rarity lifted a brow.
"Yeah! Try it!"
Rarity did a little shimmy as instructed, and in doing so, was imbued with arcane knowledge of the chaotic arts that had only before been revealed to a handful of mortals, and never on purpose. Light poured from every inch of her body, enveloping the unicorn in a cacophony of blazing glory and song as an unseen choir sang of her ascendance.
"'Scuse me! Miss Pie?"
Pinkie Pie turned around in time to be handed a stack of legal papers. Derpy nodded as she pulled out a second stack. "Legal papers from Mister Discord. Says that you need a license if you wanna teach the chaotic arts to others."
Rarity screeched in arcane incantations in the background.
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Rarity's disguise got her selected for the jury anyway, because having the views and opinions of a jury bench was somehow relevant to the trial?
Author's Note
That outfit looks positively stunning on you, Scyphi !
Rarity's disguise got her selected for the jury anyway, because having the views and opinions of a jury bench was somehow relevant to the trial?
"Miss Jury Bench, are you present?" the judge droned in a way that could only possibly be dreamt up by the delusions of a sleep-deprived author who knows next to nothing about jury duty. "You are a special case today in the selection of this jury, as this trial pertains to the crimes accused of a bench manufacturer. As a bench bearing the marks of manufacture from this factory, this case is especially relevant to you."
Rarity quivered in her wooden boots.
~~idk how to continue this~~
"Hearsay! It is all hearsay!" the ponified factory shouted. "Not a single beautiful bench was ever harmed by myself or my associates!"
The actual jury bench creaked loudly before abruptly collapsing due to poor construction, leaving in its wake a large crater that somehow tunneled through to the other side of the planet, through the moon, and two other planets that happened to be in the area.
Twilight interviewed the peasantry?
Author's Note
Juxtaponition rules over the plebians with an iron fist.
Twilight interviewed the peasantry?
"Hey you! You there!"
"Hay's for horses, why don't you call me--oh. A horse."
Twilight landed in front of the peasants with an unimpressive thud . "Okay then, 'oh a horse' . I didn't know you were called that."
Oh a horse huffed. "What I object to is you automatically treating me like an inferior!"
Twilight looked at the peasant. Then at her wings. And her horn (somehow). And the neat crown that was conveniently sitting on top of her head. "Well, I am --"
"Shut --" Oh a horse placed a finger over Twilight's muzzle. "I am SICK and TIRED of all these royal folks rompin' through our town! Every single one of 'em, imperialists! Land snatchers! Penny pinchers! Tell me, what do the taxes we pay go towards?"
Twilight blinked. "You don't pay any taxes to me."
"Well then, what do the taxes your horse-people pay you go to?"
"Intercontinental ballistic friendship missiles."
"I see. And does it help your people?"
Twilight shrugged.
"And on what basis do you draw your executive power from? It better not be another soggy woman with a sword."
Twilight vehemently shook her head. "Oh, no no, nothing like that. I was magically transformed by our lord and savior, Princess Celestia! Or I suppose, I completed a spell that incidentally transformed me, and then Celestia deemed me a princess for my efforts."
"Uh-huh. Another unelected tyrant then, gifted their land and power by an even greater tyrant who not only pulls the strings of a nation, but those of an entire religious sect as well. We have no need for your kind around here. Shoo, shoo."
Twilight in her confusion proceeded to be swept away by a literal broom.
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Twilight decided to make the best of it and used the cheese to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
Author's Note
No, not that Cheese Sandwich, Scyphi ! And not that kinda grilling either!
Twilight decided to make the best of it and used the cheese to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
Twilight grumbled under her breath, stumbling blindly through the door of the Friendship Palace or whatever that hunk of slowly-vanishing crystal is called. Don't ask the suspiciously walls-shaped Spike about that by the way. Today was an absolutely horrid day to be a Twilight Sparkle. The skies were stormy, the sun had gone supernova (or at least, she thought it did), and worst of all--
She peeled the Kraft Single off of her face.
Cheese . On her face .
"Now make a sandwich out of it," Spike waddled past the mare. She watched him carefully pivot his body to hide what was very obviously another chunk of crystal from her.
"I don't even eat sandwiches very often, Spike."
But Spike didn't respond, for he had eaten a hole through the floor to make a quick escape.
"Grilllllll ittttttttttttttt," his disembodied voice drifted up through the hole.
"A grilled... cheese sandwich?" Twilight lifted a brow.
Cheese Sandwich, who was inconveniently standing approximately thirty hooves away from the nearest escape-able window, gulped as Twilight lit her horn.
Twilight slapped the Kraft Single on Cheese Sandwich. "ALRIGHT, WHERE'S THE BODIES-- "
Celestia can't open her jar of pickles?
Author's Note
Scyphi gave Celestia the inpenetrable picke jar.
Celestia can't open her jar of pickles?
"Princess, what are you doing?" Raven droned. She didn't bother turning to address the alicorn in the room as she folded Celestia's crowns and put them in the dresser.
As for the alicorn in the room, Celestia grunted as she tried and failed yet again to open her jar of pickles.
"Stupid thing is screwed too tight," she muttered under her breath, pausing to switch to using her teeth. "I shwear, I'll hathhe whoether nade these things executed!"
"My, frustrated now, are we?" Raven put away the final blow-up crown. "Lemme have a look at it."
Celestia spit out the jar, handing it over (hoofing it?) with a pout.
Raven popped the top off the jar. She blinked, looking between the jar and the supposedly most powerful being on the planet.
She sighed and walked away.
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Fluttershy was elected Equestria's bottomless put supervisor?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger needs to STOP DIGGING these HOLES everywhere.
Fluttershy was elected Equestria's bottomless put supervisor?
"Fluttershy, you care about the environment, right?" Twilight landed beside the pegasus.
"Eep! Er, y-yeah?" Fluttershy kept her gaze fixed on the bottomless pit, aptly-but-incorrectly-named "Bottomless Put" according to the sign that sat beside it.
"I want you to supervise this pit. Make sure it stays bottomless. All of Equestria's landfill goes into this pit, so we don't ever want it to overflow. Capiche?"
Fluttershy blinked for help in ~~Morse~~ Horse Code.
Without another word, Twilight dematerialized into a shower of sparkles. She'd clearly learnt well from Celestia.
Fluttershy stared down the pit again.
There was a bottom.
"Oh deer."
The deer currently standing at the bottom of the pit stared back at her.
Twilight landed again, this time on top of the deer in a manner performed so precisely that it was likened to posterity as being as if she had landed a blimp on a speck of dust.
"Why is the pit not bottomless?" Twilight deadpanned.
"Idon'tknowitjustturnedthatwaywhenyouleft!" Fluttershy squeaked, hiding behind her wings.
Twilight teleported herself and the deer out of the pit. "Just make it bottomless again. Discord's got time, right?"
"Akchully-- " Discord emerged from the deer mech. "I'm running quite short on time. Do you know where the closest time station is? Need to refill the tank, y'know."
Fluttershy glared at Discord. "Fine then. I quit," she turnt and cantered away.
"Welcome, welcome, you here for the job opening we posted?"
Fluttershy sheepishly nodded.
"Alright, right this way dearie--" the old mare opened the gate. She paused for a moment, beckoning for Fluttershy to follow. "Come, come! You wanted to see the pit I'm restoring with the natural beauty of the forest, no?"
Fluttershy followed.
"...Where's the trees?"
The old mare laughed in cackling fits. "Where's the trees? Ha! That's exactly why you're here! This... this hole here has opened up and swallowed all my precious trees! You're a pegasus, would you be a deer and fly down there to check?"
Fluttershy sighed. "O-okay." She flared her wings but was stopped by a hoof.
"Tut tut, I said be a deer , didn't I?"
Somewhere at the back of Fluttershy'd mind, she wondered why this chapter was so deer-focused.
A deer costume draped itself across Fluttershy's back.
"Put it on."
Flutterdeer peered over the edge of the pit.
It was bottomless.
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instead of the ship Appledash, it was an actual species of apple that Twilight made while messin' around in her lab?
Author's Note
It's appledashery, Electrix !
instead of the ship Appledash, it was an actual species of apple that Twilight made while messin' around in her lab?
Applejack stared at the neon-rainbow apple pulsating with energy. "So uh, Twi? Sugarcube? Mind explainin' this?"
"It's an appledash!" Twilight spun around in her office chair, a crazed grin plastered across her face. "I took a zap apple, and I made it better! "
"...How, exactly?"
Rainbow Dash sneezed from her spot in a net dangling from the ceiling.
"I injected each and every zap apple with a potent mixture of uranium salts before giving them a nice radium gloss! Isn't the glow wonderful? "
The appledash wheezed. It proceeded to sprout legs and walk away.
"Twi, I think you should get some rest."
"NEVER!"
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Twilight's refusal to sleep allowed her to achieve nirvana?
Author's Note
Scyphi knows that sleep is for the weak.
Twilight's refusal to sleep allowed her to achieve nirvana?
"Twilight, you look tired."
The giant pair of eye bags known as Twilight Sparkle did not respond.
"Are you sleeping in there?" Spike knocked on the... surprisingly? Concerningly hard exterior.
Crunch.
Spike backed away, eyes wide as the eye bags dissipated in a flash of golden light. Twilight Sparkle hovered in their place, her pristine coat shining with a blazing aura that seemed to banish all darkness in the room.
"Spike," her voice boomed with the authority of the gods above (in other words, Celestia on a ladder). "Through the power of sleep deprivation, I have visited the internet. All of the internet. The world's knowledge is now my knowledge, and I must share these gifts with my fellow creatures."
She extended a hoof to Spike.
Spike stared down at the USB flash drive in her still-glowing hoof. Then back at Twilight.
"I am aware of your dietary needs now more than ever, my faithful assistant. Go forth and utilize this knowledge on how to [REDACTED REDACTED] and nourish yourself in ways that the great dragons of old once did."
Spike took the flash drive. "I'm not sure about this, Twilight. This kinda seems--"
"Fare thee well, Spike!" enlightened Twilight drifted through the window, leaving a Twilight-shaped hole in her wake. "I must spread these glorious memes I have encountered!"
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Equestria's official currency was breath mints?
Author's Note
idk man it's 1 am
Equestria's official currency was breath mints?
"Lulu, we have an emergency!" Celestia burst through the doors of Luna's Gamer Room™, actively ignoring the 'keep out' sign hanging beside the entrance as well as the 'livestreaming' sign that blinked in neon colors. "The treasury is empty!"
"Womp womp," Luna muttered through intense PvP. "I don't have anything to do with it this time, sister. Have you checked under the sofa?"
"Yes, and all that remains is a lifetime supply of breath mints!"
"Use that, then."
"...And so I am proud to announce today that as part of Equestria's eco-friendly initiative, all legal tender within our borders shall now be dealt based on the value of breath mints! Please take your remaining bits for exchange at your local banks for tins of mints within the next six months, as past this deadline the older, crystal-centric currency will no longer be usable."
Spike raised a brow as he listened to the radio announcement.
He bit into a... bit. What could he say? Those crystals are tasty.
"Lulu, we have an emergency!" Celestia burst through the doors of Luna's Gamer Room™ a second time that week, once again flagrantly disregarding the privacy of her sister. "The treasury is empty! Again! "
Princess Luna looked up from her Culturally Distinguished and Highly Educational Manga at Celestia, who was smelling much mintier than usual. "I thought you said it was a lifetime supply."
"Flim and Flam said it was a typo."
Daring Doo was afraid of rainbows?
Author's Note
whiteoak019 , don't bring that Rainbow Dash near her, you're scaring her!
Daring Doo was afraid of rainbows?
Daring Do swung onto the final platform, wiping a bead of sweat from her brow.
Nearly there.
Except for... that... that thing .
Daring Do squinted, the form of Rainbow Dash eagerly holding a pen and notepad waiting for a signature morphing into a creature beyond equine description. Prismatic locks wavered in interlocked bunches, lifted by some unseen force. A body of pale blue--amorphous, yet just familiar enough to appear ponylike.
"Nope," Daring Do hopped backward from the platform. "Nope, nope, nope. Not dealing with an elder god today, nope."
"What," Rainbow Dash blinked.
Come to think of it, she was probably long overdue for a shower given how oily her mane had become.
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Derpy was able to do explody things with her hooves because of the radiation from the booms ?
Author's Note
Electrix is the one that commands the booms!
Derpy was able to do explody things with her hooves because of the radiation from the booms ?
"Explosion-Mare! Explosion-Mare! The city hall needs your help! Villains have infiltrated the ice cream factory and are withholding all flavors except for shredded metal flakes!"
"Please, call me Derpy," Derpy nodded her head before slipping on her mask. She rocketed off, leaving a trail of explosions in her wake (and resultingly a very wealthy citizen).
"Halt, evildoers!" Derpy blasted through the roof of the ice cream factory, simultaneously costing hundreds of thousands of booms worth in property damage and paying for said property damage at the same time. It is why she is so beloved as a hero, after all--unlike those other heroes that wreak havoc through the cities when fighting villains, Derpy always pays for the damage she causes.
"You can't take me aliiiiiiiiive!" the villain shouted from atop the giant jug of unflavored ice cream. "As long as I breathe, I will continue grating this solid piece of cast iron directly into the production line!"
"Not if I have anything to do with it--" Derpy somersaulted onto the jug with all the grace of a bumblebee and slapped the villain with an explosion-powered punch. "--Consider your plans foiled, foul villain!"
The villain did not respond, for their face was currently embedded in the opposite wall of the building.
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Gadget found the relevant dimensions for all of the other What If chapters by chance and showed them off to everybody else on a whim?
Author's Note
Scyphi , do you realize what you've done?!
Gadget found the relevant dimensions for all of the other What If chapters by chance and showed them off to everybody else on a whim?
Twilight lay face-down on her bed, foaming at the mouth.
Gadget looked at Gadget looked at Gadget looked at Gadget looked at Gadget looked at--so on and so forth.
"Whaddya think girls? You think we overdid it?"
Gadget #10684-2 shook her head. "Nah, Twily's fiiiine . She does this, like, every week where I'm from."
"Where you're from, yeah," Gadget #61937 made a face. "She's like this every day with me. Or at least, she has been ever since she found out about the internet. Can you believe her castle doesn't have any internet connection?"
A murmured rumble of gasps rolled through the sea of fillies.
"Ooh, here comes another one of us!" Gadget #0 held open the portal for yet another version of herself from recent chapters to emerge. "You are... let's see--" she flipped through a rapidly-filling notepad. "Number 69420-42!"
Just like the gasps from before, a cacophony of "nice"-s rose amongst the crowd.
"Now then, what do you bring to our ~~infinite cult~~ little surprise to Twilight for when she wakes up?"
Gadget #69420-42 pointed a hoof back to the portal. "Sweetie Giraffe."
"Nice, nice, we don't have a Sweetie Gir--WAIT WHAT--"
the entire castle proceeded to go kaboom lol
Princess Luna picked up gaming on the moon?
Author's Note
ScopingLandscape dropped the console there... or did they?
Princess Luna picked up gaming on the moon?
Princess Luna sulked on top of a moon rock, blowing a raspberry at the pale blue dot that was Equestria. If Celestia wanted to so unfairly banish her here for a thousand years, then so be it! She'll build her own Equestria here, with [censored] and [even more censored]! It will be a glorious civilization, one that Equestria cannot even come close to comparing to!
She stood up, took a step, and tripped. Over the same moon rock that she was just sitting on.
Something colorful sat in front of her.
"Oh?" Luna picked up the Intrendo Swatch with her magic. She rotated it like a potato in a microwave, inspecting the strange, futuristic device. (Keep in mind that this thing has been displaced a full thousand years into the past).
She accidentally pressed the button, causing the screen to light up.
"Oh my!" Luna gasped under her breath as DOOM booted up on the console.
"Celestia, why does the moon have an advanced fully self-automated nuclear fusion generator on it?" Twilight looked away from her telescope. "There's also a field of refrigerators that all appear to be stocked with nothing but energy drinks. And at night, the moon pulses in rainbow colors."
"That is my sister's... gamer moon ."
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Luna sold her soul to Sweetie Giraffe to buy the Elephant Boots and Lava 2 vidya gaeme on the Heccbochs 2 console?
Author's Note
Proud to be the target of your fanfic reading speedrun, KorokuRain13 ! Welcome to the crazy train!
Luna sold her soul to Sweetie Giraffe to buy the Elephant Boots and Lava 2 vidya gaeme on the Heccbochs 2 console?
"SWEETIE GIRAFFE, I HAVE COME TO BARGAIN," Princess Luna Royal Canterlot Voice'd at the sky. "MY SOUL, IN EXCHANGE FOR HEIGHT. AND THE SECOND OF THE LAVA GAMES MADE AVAILABLE ON MEGAHARD'S HIT CONSOLE, THE HECCBOCHS TOO."
Sweetie Giraffe craned down to Luna's eye level. She narrowed her eyes, staring the puny pony princess up and down. "ACCEPTABLE OFFER. GIVE U THE TOL. BECOME SWEETIE GIRAFFE'S SERVANT. PAY U IN GAMING TIEM."
Princess Luna lifted her forelegs to the sky, basking in the glory of Sweetie Giraffe's tallness before being unceremoniously flattened by a full set of Elephant Boots. A shiny disk dropped down on top of one of the four elephants.
"xXx-G4M3RLUNAM00N420-xXx!" Sweetie Giraffe's godly voice boomed. "YOU. GO TERRORIZE THE SMOL PONES."
"Luna! Can you hear me, sister?" Celestia's voice echoed up from far below. "Sister! You must put a stop to this nonsense! Join us, come back home!"
"AM TOL NOW," Luna muttered in return. "YOU IS SMOL. I HAS ALL RESPECC."
She lumbered off to flatten Ponyville.
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Tall Pipp joined up with Sweetie Giraffe and xXx-G4M3RLUNAM00N420-xXx and the three of them became the GANG OF TOL?
Author's Note
Scyphi , what have you unleashed upon this unsuspecting realm???
Tall Pipp joined up with Sweetie Giraffe and xXx-G4M3RLUNAM00N420-xXx and the three of them became the GANG OF TOL?
"TOL." Tallpipp boomed.
"GANG." xXx-G4M3RLUNAM00N420-xXx agreed.
"YES." Sweetie Giraffe rumbled.
"Tol?" A🅱🅱le 🅱loom and Scootaroo peeked out from the depths of What If 1.
"ACCEPTABLE." Sweetie Giraffe pat the two on their heads.
The trio and their two junior officers proceeded to flatten all of Equestria into dust.
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Celestia was full of p̶i̶l̶k̶ raw plutonium?
Author's Note
3k-word chapter deployed, The Spy of the Tiger . The usual whiplash will now resume.
Celestia was full of p̶i̶l̶k̶ raw plutonium?
"Mmmmmmm, yummy yummy pilk," Celestia poured another bottle of Pepsi into her glass of milk. "Absolutely delicious."
The Royal Canterlot Chefs bristled at her... hobby .
Twilight teleported the door into Celestia's glass, inadvertently crushing it down into a new form of hyperdense amalgamation of wood and metal. That was beside the point, however.
"Celestia!" Twilight ran into the room after her usual door-obliterating shenanigans. "What are you doing?! "
Celestia raised her glass of pilk and compressed Royal Canterlot Door. "Enjoying the refreshments, my unfaithfully expelled-for-medical-reasons-former-student-turned-successor. Care for some pilk?"
Twilight slapped the glass out of Celestia's magic with a magical hand of her own. "Princess, don't you know what the P in 🅱epis stands for? Or why when you flip the name upside-down, it reads as 'isded'?"
Celestia reached for her spilled drink.
"No, bad!" Twilight slapped Celestia's hoof. "It stands for plutonium! Raw, unrefined, plutonium! They saw what their competitor was doing with the coc--" Twilight stopped herself at the notice of Celestia's full, alicornly gaze fixating on her. "Nevermind. But still! You are full of plutonium, Princess!"
Celestia shrugged even as she began to take on a rather luminescent hue. "Not my problem, Twiggles."
"Oh, this is very much your problem," Twilight stamped her hoof. "Don't you know a single thing about radiation poisoning?"
Celestia looked between Twilight and the chunk of slowly sublimating iodine she was currently holding. She leaned in for a bite.
~~lmaowhat~~
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Rainbow Dash was right about Twilight Sparkle being a spy?
Author's Note
Starkice knows too much. Their elimination is inevitable.
Rainbow Dash was right about Twilight Sparkle being a spy?
"Are you a spy? " Rainbow Dash gawked, looking Twilight head to tail.
She proceeded to be instantly knocked out by a tranquilizer dart.
"Rainbow Dash," Twilight paced around the table. "I don't know whose side you're on. Nor do I know whose side I'm on anymore. But in front of you are two items. Whichever one you pick will determine your fate."
Rainbow Dash blinked, momentarily straining against her restraints before her gaze settled on the table.
In front of her was... she scrunched her muzzle. "Prince Blueblood and an eyebrow?"
The eyebrow put on a tiny pink fedora.
"PINKIE'S eyebrow?"
"You chose well," Twilight untied Rainbow Dash. "Had you picked that dastardly Bluebot, of which I do not remember whether I work for or against, then I wouldn't know what to do with you."
She paced across the room and opened the window, letting Pinkie's eyebrow flap free. "Continue to fulfill your duties, Rainbow. Do not let me down."
"Wha--"
Rainbow Dash was promptly teleported out of the building five floors above ground level.
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Mare Do Well was a real super hero in Manehatten and sued the Mane 6 (accept Rainbow) for using his or her likeness?
Author's Note
Here we go again, whiteoak019 ! (I know nothing about these legal situations and these chapters absolutely should NOT be taken as legal advice)
Mare Do Well was a real super hero in Manehatten and sued the Mane 6 (accept Rainbow) for using his or her likeness?
"And now, for legal reasons, The Mysterious Mare Do Well, we require you to identify yourself," the judge turned expectedly at the masked pony.
Mare Do Well slowly raised their hooves to their mask and lifted. And lifted. And lifted. Holy crap how much mask is there to wear?
"Please," Twilight coughed weakly from beneath the piles upon piles of discarded fabric. "We plead guilty. We will never use your identity again."
The Mysterious Mare Do Well continued to pull off their mask.
Luster Dawn pointed a hoof down at the mass below the ship. "Princess Celestia, what's that down there? Is that the ground?"
Celestia somberly shook her head. "The ground was lost to the Mare Do Well's mask many moons ago. There is nothing left to save down there, and so we live up here, aboard the Equestrian Pride . The loss of the Elements of Harmony aside from Rainbow Dash to the seas of fabric was already enough to greatly destabilize the nation."
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Cadence and Chrysalis got personality swapped?
Author's Note
KorokuRain13 , I have not written Cadance in so long.
Cadence and Chrysalis got personality swapped?
"Shiiiining," Cadance crept along the floor, a grin spread from cheek to cheek plastered across her face. "You know what day it is today?"
"Yes, honey," Shining Armor wheezed. "Do you--" he set some indiscernable item on the table. "--do you have to always have me do things for you? I'm starting to feel very much like I'm nothing but a drone to you."
An explosion rocked the palace. Queen Chrysalis stepped out from the cloud of dust made in her wake. "Shining Armor."
"Chrysalis," Shining Armor raised his hooves. "Take me. I don't care."
Chrysalis looked between Shining Armor and Cadance. "Do... you two need some marriage counseling?"
Shining Armor blinked. "What."
"Marriage counseling!" Chrysalis chirped, lifting up a pen and clipboard. "Why else was I called here? You two lovebirds have a lot to get through, I could tell from a mile away."
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the real reason Celestia and Luna imprisoned Discord was because he WAS the IRS
Author's Note
whiteoak019 , he's too dangerous to be left alive!
the real reason Celestia and Luna imprisoned Discord was because he WAS the IRS
"Sister, what are we to do?" Luna bucked the door open with enough force to un-open the door. She slammed her face into its wooden surface, incorrectly predicting that it'd be open. "Ow."
Luna carefully opened the door, resulting in its implosion into an infinitely dense point that transported it into the backrooms by noclipping between atoms. "Sister, what are we to do?" she hurried in, tax forms in tow. "Our taxes are due, but you've done nothing but--"
"Evasion!" Celestia cheered. "Is it not the right of the Supreme and Godly Leaders of Horse Country to do whatever it is they wish, especially with regards to taxes?"
"No no," Luna shoved the documents in her sister's face. "You don't understand! You've been evading taxes by paying our taxes with the taxes you collect for so long and so blatantly that you've attracted the attention of Horse IRS!"
Lightning crackled around them as the lights dimmed.
"Horse IRS, you say?" a foreboding voice echoed around the chamber. Discord's face emerged from the shadows. "I am the IRS."
"Not if we have anything to say about it," Celestia lifted a wing to protect her sister. "Discord, your tyranny against us ends today!"
"Celly, please--" Luna pushed her wing down a little. "Just pay your taxes for once."
Celestia scoffed. "And blow my entire cake budget for the year? Never! Now help me stone Discord or I'm taking away your Heccbochs Too."
Luna glanced at the patiently-waiting Discord, then to her sister. She sighed, charging her horn. "Fine. But you owe me, Celly."
The two alicorns let forth a burst of magic, enveloping Discord in a brilliant light that left behind only a...
"Can of beans?" Luna crouched down in front of Discord's new holding cell. "We put him in a can of beans? "
Celestia shrugged. "Ran out of stone and I had it laying around from earlier."
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Fluttershy was a Mech controlled by a Breezy named Flooter She
Author's Note
Is whiteoak019 secretly a mech too?
Fluttershy was a Mech controlled by a Breezy named Flooter She
"Oh, hey Flutters," Rainbow Dash waved a hoof, keeping her eyes glued to the 'lap-top' that Twilight brought back from the human world as Fluttershy walked past. Unfortunately for this prismatic pegasus, she had just discovered fanfiction and was so entrenched in the... uh, plot that she didn't notice the odd, mechanical creaking emanating from Fluttershy with every step.
"S-systems... cri...ti--cal," Fluttershy's voice came in distorted chunks. "Seek... m...ainten...ance."
She collapsed with a metallic crunch to the floor.
"Fluttershy!" Rainbow flipped around in her seat, scooping up the mangled frame of her friend. "ARE YOU /SRS OR /J?!"
A quiet buzzing emanated from within Fluttershy, followed by a hiss as her wings unfolded in what looked to be THE most uncomfortable position known to pegasuskind.
"Well that's a bummer," a breezy drifted out from within. "This was my favorite model, too."
"...Fluttershy?"
The breezy turned around. "Hm? Oh--er, Fluttershy's my mech here. My name is Flooter She."
"Yeah yeah, alright, but why are you a breezy? I've been your friend since we were fillies!"
"Since Fluttershy MK-1, you mean," Flooter She shrugged. She buzzed up to Rainbow's eye-level. "Anyway, I'm off to get MK-7 now. See ya!"
Rainbow Dash blinked. First off, that was not how Fluttershy talks. Secondly... her eyes drifted back to her open laptop. ~~It was time to read another daring do fanfic.~~
Luna secretly had a second Intrendo Swatch?
Author's Note
What a preposterous notion, epiccuttlefish ! Nopony should have two Intrendo Swatches!
Luna secretly had a second Intrendo Swatch?
"Luna, pay attention," Celestia teleported Luna's Intrendo Swatch back to her room. "We have an important visitor today and I'd advise you to lend them your time."
Luna stared daggers at her sister.
"No, Lulu."
A grin began to spread across her face.
"No, "
Luna reached down underneath her throne and pulled.
Celestia's expression melted into dread. "You didn't. "
"OH YES I DID, DEAR SISTER!" Luna whipped out her second Intrendo Swatch. She proceeded to ignore Prince Blueblood for the next five hours straight.
the next chapter was written by Spike?
Author's Note
Starlight Glimmer1 gave Spike the keys to Twilight's room.
the next chapter was written by Spike?
Spike clapped his claws. "Twilight, my daily comic?"
A thump came from behind the door, followed by some muted cursing. Twilight opened the door after a few more seconds, delivering the comic directly into Spike's awaiting claws.
"Excellent, excellent. Now shoo," Spike waved her off. "I have some very important business to attend to."
Twilight bowed her head and left.
"Haha, it feels great being at the top!" Spike stretched his arms. "Sombra, I see you back there."
Sombra shrunk away, quivering in fear at Spike before adjusting his bow tie. "H-how may I serve you, Great Spike?"
"Hmmmmmmmmm," Spike tapped his foot. "How about... oh, I know! Sing for m23q4zfgoiPIOU--"
Twilight loomed over Spike's shoulder.
"What are you doing, Spike?"
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Sir Bugleg went on an epic quest of self-improvement and worthitude?
Author's Note
Juxtaponition is the one that inspired Sir Bugleg to go on this quest!
Sir Bugleg went on an epic quest of self-improvement and worthitude?
Twilight stared at the blank page.
She could do the logical thing, of course, and write an expansive journey filled with adventure and meaning, all centered around this Sir Bugleg who'd been introduced in a prior chapter.
A devious smirk grew across her face.
Or ...
Sir Bugleg stood triumphantly in the middle of the Changeling hive. He didn't need any self-improvement, he was already perfect! Truly as perfect as a changeling could be, in fact! He was the peak of changeling physiology, sporting a sleek, aerodynamic body that came paired with agile wings. His carapace shone with the gleam of a mirror, and not a single hole pockmarked his body.
"Haha, I am amazing," Sir Bugleg boasted. "And to begin my journey, I shall venture..." he spun around and pointed a hoof toward the exit of the hive. "To the outside!"
Sir Bugleg proceeded to step outside and touch grass, causing his already-perfect form to ascend to godhood. Apparently.
Spitfire had Fire breath?
Author's Note
whiteoak019 fed her ghost peppers!
(I don't think I've ever watched any episodes involving Spitfire lol)
Spitfire had Fire breath?
"Dash, you'd better not screw this up," Spitfire tossed a towel at Rainbow Dash. "Don't forget, today we're performing for all of Equestria."
Rainbow Dash snickered under the towel.
"What's so funny?"
"You'll see."
Spitfire opened her locker. Unfortunately, it was filled with ~~bees~~ ~~fire ants~~ ~~nuclear fallout~~ ~~the Spanish Inquisition~~ ~~Shrek memorabilia~~ ~~Starlight Glimmer~~ ~~Richard Nixon~~ ~~precisely three and a half gallons of spoiled milk~~ ~~Diamond Tiara wearing a barrel~~ ~~fermented grape juice for stressful days~~ ~~burritos~~ ~~grinded pony hooves~~ ~~subwoofers~~ ~~dom...woofers??? huh???????????~~ ~~a diamond dog. oh WAIT DOES THAT MEAN THE PREVIOUS TWO--~~ ~~the Rated E seal of approval that's hanging on by only a shred~~ ~~twilight sparkle sitting in the darkness furiously scribbling things out while wracking her brain for what she intended to write~~ ~~the Spanish Inquisition (again)~~ ~~two nickels~~ PILES UPON PILES OF GHOST PEPPERS.
The room shuddered as every single ghost pepper that'd fallen out of the locker and onto Spitfire somehow absorbed directly into her body.
"Dash?"
"Yeeeesssss?" Rainbow Dash tilted her head. "Did you enjoy the snacks?"
Rainbow_Dash was burnt to a crisp.
Sweetie Giraffe met Thrackerzod?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger , this is getting out of hand!
Sweetie Giraffe met Thrackerzod?
Thrackerzod sat on the sidelines, watching as the towering Sweetie Giraffe lumbered through Ponyville yet again, burninating everything in her path.
"Do normal ponies scream when they are set on fire?"
Thrackerzod was subsequently set on fire by Sweetie Giraffe for being smol.
"I see," Thrackerzod rubbed her chin. Her eyes shifted to Pinkie Pie, who silently sat at a table with a mug of hot cocoa in front of her. Of course, being shorter than Sweetie Giraffe, Pinkie was also currently on fire.
"This is fine," Pinkie sipped from her mug. "Everything's fine."
"Normal ponies do not scream, it appears. I am a normal pony," she walked into the smoldering cafe and ordered a mug of hot cocoa for herself. "Therefore, I will drink this beverage as I burn."
But there was no hot cocoa left. Because it was on fire.
Unfortunately, this made Thrackerzod not normal.
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Discord introduced everyone else to RanchWorld, so to ensure everyone would always have access to ranch to dip their pizzas in?
Author's Note
Scyphi told Discord to do it!
Discord introduced everyone else to RanchWorld, so to ensure everyone would always have access to ranch to dip their pizzas in?
"Say--" Discord snapped his fingers, opening a swirling portal that immediately began pouring ranch out onto his lap. He dipped his entire pizza slice in the torrent, maintaining eye contact with Celestia the entire time. "Have you ever considered opening a pizza chain with your royal chefs? These pies are simply delightful! "
Celestia stared at the downpour of ranch that now pooled around the chair that sat on Discord. "No, I have not."
Discord pulled a second pizza slice out of a separate portal and once again dipped it in the currents of ranch. "You should."
"I shan't."
Discord munched on his pizza, completely ignoring the ranch that now flooded up to his and Celestia's waists.
"You should close that portal, Discord."
"And cut off access to my beloved dipping sauce?" Discord flapped his pizza slice at Celestia, flinging drops of ranch at her face. "Never! Not until I finish my pizza."
He said that as he pulled another whole pizza out of the pizza portal.
Equestria found itself under a vast ranch ocean by the end of the day.
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Cozy Glow ate an entire bottle of Kill Me Come Back Stronger pills?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger stole the pills from Soldier!1!!!1!!1
Cozy Glow ate an entire bottle of Kill Me Come Back Stronger pills?
"Hey guess what?"
"HuHOLYCELESTIAYOU'REBACKAGAIN?!" Twilight shrieked at Cozy Glow's intrusion. She instinctively lit her horn and hurled the filly out the window.
"Hey guess what?" Cozy Glow walked into the room, covered in grass stains.
Twilight dunked her into molten iron.
"Hey guess wh--"
Twilight banished Cozy Glow to the Canterlot Cheese Caves.
"Hey guess wha--"
"How do you keep coming back? " Twilight yeeted the filly into orbit.
Cozy Glow crashed back down through the window. She brushed herself off. "Hey guess what? Heyyyyyyyyy--"
The particles that made up her body were compressed into a thin stream of plasma.
"Hey!" Cozy Glow rematerialized beside Twilight. "Hey! Liste--"
Cozy Glow underwent nuclear fusion at the heart of the sun.
"Hey! Guess w--"
Cozy Glow was compacted into a singular point of infinite density.
"Finally, " Twilight sighed after waiting a few seconds for that dreaded filly to walk in again. "Peace."
"Hey! Did you know earth ponies are stinky?"
Twilight screamed.
butter knife met twinkle sprinkle
Author's Note
KorokuRain13 demands this clash of titans!
*Cackles in having a bad cough and zero energy for the past half a week*
butter knife met twinkle sprinkle
"Puddle puddle in the hall, who's the edgiest of them all?" Butter Knife murmured into her reflection in an oil slick she found in a random hallway. It totally wasn't because she tripped and fell while carrying a bottle of vegetable oil to fry up some donuts. Nuh-uh. Absolutely not. The puddle was here the entire time, and likely apparated here for some higher reason that nopony could've possibly known about. Please ignore the half-empty bottle of vegetable oil sitting in the corner.
"Twinkle Sprinkle," a ghastly voice rose from the oil slick.
"WHOSAIDTHAT--" Margarine Spreader whirled around to meet the mare in question.
Twinkle Sprinkle stepped out of the shadows, her pale-violet coat glistening in the dusty air. "Never underestimate a mare who knows a thing or two about vocal projection," she smirked. "Alas, it is I , Twinkle Sprinkle, your soon-to-be-rival!"
"Not if I shank you first," Pale-yellow-semisolid-consisting-primarily-of-lipids Sharp-flat-edge-used-primarily-for-cutting-and-spreading-of-food-items spat. She stepped forward, forgetting momentarily that there was a puddle of oil in front of her. Unfortunately, she proceeded to slip and fall flat on her face.
"Haha! I win!" Twinkle Sprinkle skipped along past Wannabe Edgelord. "I shall consume these donuts you intended to make!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
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Applesauce staged an intervention between Butter Knife and Twinkle Sprinkle's budding rivalry?
Author's Note
Scyphi is here and ready to cause some trouble!
Applesauce staged an intervention between Butter Knife and Twinkle Sprinkle's budding rivalry?
"Stahp!" Applesauce shoved herself between Butter Knife and Twinkle Sprinkle. "Water y'all doin?"
"SHE'S TAKING MY DONUTS!" Oily Blade screeched. She pointed a trembling hoof at Twinkle Sprinkle, who continued to shove donut after donut into her mouth.
"DELISHUSH," Twinkle Sprinkle shouted in response between mouthfuls of donuts.
"AN' Y'AIN'T MAKIN' APPUL FRITTAHS?" Applesauce screeched even louder than Sharp Stuff. "DISHONOR ON 'YALL, AH'M GONNA STOP SPEAKING LIKE THIS AND YOU WILL FEEL AWKWARD ABOUT IT."
She sat down patiently, a pleasant smile washing away the rage plastered across her face. "So. What is it that the two of you here are bickering about?"
"Uh--" Twinkle Sprinkle uh'd.
"Go on, I'm waiting," Applesauce pleasantly blinked.
"This really isn't what I imagined," Edgy McEdgeface whispered. She stole a donut back from Twinkle Sprinkle.
Applesauce cleared her throat. Pleasantly.
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twilight sparkle is the giant alicorn instead of the weather storm in Minecraft story mode
Author's Note
Oh wow, Huskylover . A Minecraft: Story Mode reference? (I only ever played like half of part 1 of the game on my phone and then decided it wasn't for me)
twilight sparkle is the giant alicorn instead of the weather storm in Minecraft story mode
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
"Reubin, nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Jesse yelled as Reubin, that heroic little piglet of his, launched itself at the giant enemy Twilight Sparkle from a catapult.
Reubin turned around mid-flight, signing off Jesse with a salute before disappearing above the clouds.
~~yes one of my only remaining memories of MC:SM is reubin dying at some point~~
As for Twilight Sparkle, Reubin smacked against the side of her face before dropping down into the abyss below.
She proceeded to pop like a balloon or something idk.
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the lid was stuck was because it came from a parallel universe where everything is the same except jars are left hand threaded?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger pointed to the parallel universe in question!
the lid was stuck was because it came from a parallel universe where everything is the same except jars are left hand threaded?
"Raven? Come here for a moment."
A shudder ran down Raven Inkwell's spine. She peeked through the door. "Yes, Princess?"
"The pickle jar," Celestia held up the now-empty jar, her gaze focused on its lid. "Why is the threading left-hoofed?"
Raven held back her grimace. It was a mistake to open the jar for the Princess yesterday. It was really nothing major in her mind at the time, but to so nonchalantly open a jar that used the threading of her home universe?
"Answer the question, Raven."
"Uhhhhh, manufacturer defect!" Raven chirped. She spun around, hurrying back into the hallway. "I will contact the manufacturer at once and ensure that this does not ha--"
"But this is not a jar I purchased myself. This comes from your stash, Raven."
"Okay, first of all , wow, privacy violation much?" Raven kicked the door open again. "Second of all, that implies nothing about me as a pony."
"You're from a parallel universe, aren't you?" Celestia squinted her eyes. "You and your parallel universe pickle jars with reversed threading."
Raven Inkwell stood silently, her jaw agape.
"Excellent, excellent!" Celestia clapped her hooves together. "Tell me, is there a Celestia there, too? I do love talking to myself."
"Uh--"
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considering that having a pony get their head stuck in a beaker is cannon. What if Rainbow Dash got stuck in a jar of awesome sauce?
Author's Note
Way to steer things back in a rated E direction, Starkice !
considering that having a pony get their head stuck in a beaker is cannon. What if Rainbow Dash got stuck in a jar of awesome sauce?
Raven stared at Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash stared at Raven. Through the half-empty jar of awesome sauce that she was stuck face-first inside of.
"How can you even breathe in there?"
Rainbow Dash licked the jar. "I'm awesome. Now can you please help me get this off before somepony else sees me?"
Raven sighed and brought a sledgehammer down on the jar containing Rainbow Dash's head.
Naturally, it only shattered the jar and harmlessly plinked off of the pegasus's head. Because Rainbow Dash is just awesome like that.
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the roman senate broke in to try and disprove the theory that alicorns are less stabbable than Julius Caesar
Author's Note
Et tu, Officers Mess ?
the roman senate broke in to try and disprove the theory that alicorns are less stabbable than Julius Caesar
"SPIIIIIIKE!" Twilight screached from somewhere beneath the writhing mass of knife-wielding Roman senators. "Spike! Did you leave the door open again? The Romans got in!"
She was shanked one more time for good measure before the crowd dispersed, leaving Twilight a facsimile of a porcupine. Except with the pointy bits inverted.
"Ow, ow, ow," Twilight waddled across the room, still very obviously stabbed in every vital area that she knew of, plus some that she didn't know of. "Spike--ow--do you--ow--have--ow--the tweezers?"
"Kinda busy here myself," Spike yawned as a stray medieval knight repeatedly bashed him over the head with a mace. "For some reason we're under siege from multiple eras of historical peoples of another world."
One more knife sunk into Twilight. Right in the spine.
"Ow."
"Yeah that one looked pretty bad, Twi."
~~So it turns out that alicorns are~~ more ~~stabbable than Julius Caesar, and in fact are more or less living pincushions.~~
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a team of investigators showed up at Twilight's home to look into her OP-ness?
Twilight opened the door, yawning. "Yes, what is it? I was just about to have my morning barrel of coffee when you rung."
The pony up front wearing sunglasses held up a badge. "We are the Plot Protectors, and we are here due to a complaint filed about your OP-ness."
"My OP-ness?" Twilight lifted a brow. She lit her horn, pulling her curly straw from all the way in the kitchen and the attached 50-gallon barrel of black coffee and taking a sip. "I-dee-kay, sounds kinda naughty to be inspecting that, sir. I'll need to have you check in at the DN before you can enter."
"The DN?"
"Deez Nu--" Twilight paused, completely forgetting what came next. She frowned, staring deeper into the sunglass'd pony. "What did you do to me?"
The nearly-invisible energy field around them dissipated at the press of a button. Sunglasses put away the remote. "Plot Armor, courtesy of our organization. If something goes wrong or we are put in any danger, this device ensures we escape unscathed."
"Wait wait wait, so you're saying that you have actual, literal plot armor? "
Sunglasses shrugged. "We work for an organization called Plot Protectors that brands devices such as our forget-me-not ray shield as 'armor'. I don't control what they name things."
"You have a Plot Device. Called Plot Armor."
"Yes. And if you keep standing there talking we'll need to take you in for resisting arrest."
"You aren't even a police force!"
Sunglasses held up a second badge. "We are certified by the Equestrian Department of Nuh-Uh. We have authorization by Princess Celestia herself to conduct this investigation."
"Wh--"
Twilight was then bonked in the head by a plot device called The MacGuffin™.
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the modern day democracy debated the validity of Twilight being just as stabbable as Julius Caesar because she's not a salad?
Author's Note
Horseus King of Horses , you wrote the oldest trick in the book!
the modern day democracy debated the validity of Twilight being just as stabbable as Julius Caesar because she's not a salad?
"No no no! " Twinkle Sprinkle shook her head, pointing at the weathered old tome. "You don't understand, Twilight Sparkle, unlike Julius Caesar, was neither a salad nor an orange-flavored dessert. Therefore, as voted upon by the United Nations, Twilight is not as stabbable as Caesar!"
Celestia, who was at present reduced to little more than a figurehead because what else were you gonna do if your monarchy revolved around an actual immortal who somehow evaded death every step of the way? --landed with a whump in the middle of the ring.
"Excuse me, I'd like to leave a word on the historical accuracy of the claims presented today, as the former mentor of my former and expelled-for-medical-reasons student, Twilight Sparkle."
"You said former twi--"
Twinkle Sprinkle was subsequently banished to the core of the planet where she resides to this day.
"Twilight Sparkle fell for the oldest trick in the book," Celestia began carefully. "And not only did she fall for it, but she looked stupid the entire way down the spiral staircase."
"What," said background pony#01680478.
Celestia ascended back through the brand-new hole in the ceiling she'd created without another word.
What if 2 got its first Randomness chapter?
Author's Note
As if this fic wasn't random enough already amirite
Also I'm writing this on my phone. I WILL take the plot wherever the typos will.
What if 2 got its first Randomness chapter?
"Sister," Luna crept into clelestias bedroom. This was different from celestias bedroom, as celestial was a different entity entirely. As was clelestias. Something something phone keyboard something.
Luna finished typing on said phone keyboard, sneaking back out of the room. Her mission was a success.
Keyword: was.
As for Celestia and clelestias and celestial, the three remained huddled on Celestia's bed. And they were roommates.
"What is it that your sister has done, dear roomie?" Clelestias rolled over on the bed and onto celestial. "She has typed an unknown string into your phone."
"Attempting to unlock it, I'm sure," Celestia mumbled. "She will never get her gamer hooves on our nuclear launch codes, do not worry."
Celestial wheezed in "being crushed to death by a fully grown horse".
Trixie slid out from under the bed. "Heyyyyyy, is this a bad time to ask about Trixie hat? Orrrrr--"
Celestia lit her horn without even turning to look at Trixie and telepoeted her to Jupiter. Yes, she is no longer even in the solar system of equestria. Oh wait, nevermind there she is.
"You're saying this poetry trixie reads from this book will be audible from here all the way to the plant let Jupiter from a solar system she's never even heard of?" Trixie hooked through the pages. "Ah, trixie cannot read."
The plant let jupiter sigh in relief. If that plant had experienced even a single second of trixie reading poetry, then it would've exploded the planet Jupiter.
Unfortunately for trixie, her failed telepoetation meant she was now sentenced to life in rlprison for tax evasion. Somehow. yes. Rlprison. Short for real-life prison. Catch her in alcatraz for the way shes accused of magicking away money from mister taxman.
Clelestia finally rolled back to her specified spot on the bed, leaving in her wake a fruit roll-up formerly known as Celestial, second roommate of Princess Celestia.
"Thank you," th3 fruit roll-up wheezed.
Clelestial, that ungrateful bastard, didn't even say a word in response.
Celestia yawned, content with the fact that she had finally banished the dreaded trixie under her bed.
Trixie slid out from under the bed. Again. "So about trixie's hat--"
Trixie was banished to the glue mines.
Hm. I wonder what happened to the starting plot of this chapt--*explodes*
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because she never made it to Jupiter, Trixie never got more stupider?
Author's Note
The Spy of the Tiger gave Trixie big brain lessons.
because she never made it to Jupiter, Trixie never got more stupider?
"Just like that?"
"Just like that," Trixie nodded wisely.
The now rocket-powered chariot sat glistening in the sun. The oblivious royal guard hooked himself up to the restraints. "I salute you, Trixie. Surely, Celestia will appreciate your efforts in upgrading her mode of transportation."
Trixie watched the guard take off with a powerful flap of his wings. As for the much-heavier chariot, it remained solidly on the ground.
"Allow me to assist," Trixie pressed a button. Wisely.
"Oh thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--"
Trixie dusted off her hooves and returned to her garage. Another satisfied customer. There was never an un-wise move she'd make. Only unwise moves made by everypony else .
Celestia was unintentionally banished to the moon by means of rocket chariot the next day.
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Twilight was arrested for failing to file her taxes, because she instead spent the past nine years writing "What if?"
Author's Note
Scyphi ratted her out.
Twilight was arrested for failing to file her taxes, because she instead spent the past nine years writing "What if?"
"FREEZE," Derpy crashed through the wall kool-aid man style with a bazooka slung over her shoulder. "You are under arrest for your failure to pay taxes. Please do not resist, and come with me quietly."
Twilight groaned under the weight of over 1000 chapters having collapsed directly on top of her no thanks to the wall being knocked over having been the same one she set her bookshelf against. "Et tu, Derpy?"
Derpy held her bazooka steady. "The Equestrian Postal Service oversees its own dedicated police force, and as a division of the government that oversees billions if not trillions of bits in mail-in transactions every day, we are authorized to respond with lethal force if necessary."
"What."
"Celestia said I can keep the bazooka I borrowed from the armory."
"Can you let me go?"
Derpy lowered her bazooka. "Will you pay your taxes?"
"I am a Princess of Equestria. I hereby declare that Princesses of Equestria retroactively no longer need to pay taxes on any item or service, ever."
Derpy stared at Twilight.
Twilight forced a smile.
Twilight went boom.
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the shadow wizard money gang made Celestia legalize nuclear bombs?
Author's Note
Officers Mess is part of the shadow wizard money gang!
the shadow wizard money gang made Celestia legalize nuclear bombs?
Celestia sipped her tea. "And what brings you to my throne room today?"
The first hooded figure stepped closer. "We love casting spells."
"Yes, yes, I'm quite aware and equally unsurprised," she lit her horn, floating her teacup around the figure. "Magic is quite the useful tool after all. But returning to the point. Your group, the..."
"Shadow Wizard Money Gang," a second figure stepped up.
"Yes, yes, Shadow Wizard Money Gang. I heard from Raven that you wish to... legalize nuclear bombs?"
"Yes."
"And what good would doing so do--"
"Shadow Wizard Money Gang," the first figure spun around to face their companions. "Show her what we mean."
A gaping vortex opened up mid-air as another five members of the group stepped out, hoisting above their heads a very distinctly nuclear bomb-shaped object.
"If you legalize nuclear bombs, then we have one we can sell you," the figure raised their hood just enough to wiggle their eyebrows. "Imagine Equestria's enemies... bathed in nuclear h
They paused. "H
As for Celestia, she sipped her tea again. Slowly.
"An enticing proposal, Shadow Wizard Money Gang. I suspect that you wish to gain something from this deal yourselves, no?"
"Shadow Wizard Money Gang," the first figure began again. "We love casting spells. But we also like money."
"Understandable. You have a deal."
The Shadow Wizard Money Gang members collectively threw up gang signs to finalize the deal. Unfortunately, this included the members holding the nuclear bomb.
I think you know what happens next.
