Chapters Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Leon and I reclined in the shade under the lone hill-top tree. His adopted hometown of Selphia lay not far away, but thanks to the vagaries of dream geography I had never been to the town.
“At least you definitely got the pony’s attention!” he was saying. I’ll give him credit for trying not to laugh at my misadventures in love. “Avani has time to help everyone in the whole damn town. Meaning no special time for me.”
What an odd pair we must have made. Him dressed in natural colours, natural fibres, hand stitched night pants and a robe. Me in government issued, government grey, pajamas that had certainly been assembled by a machine somewhere. Him, a seasoned adventurer, me a city liver. So many contrasts.
Neither of us could be sure that the other was real – we had only ever met in dreams. But since each of us remembered continuity from dream to dream (or were dreamed to do so) we maintained a friendship.
And compare notes on our current lady troubles.
“Oh Miss Avani” Leon continued in a squeaky old lady voice “I can’t find my mushroom gathering basket, maybe I left it on the Cerezo road, can you look for it? Or maybe its right here on the counter next to me and I’m too daft to notice!”
Leon stabbed at the sky with his fist. Such was the intensity of his punch I could see the shock-wave in the air.
“Horse boy gets plenty of her time,” he added bitterly, using his rival Dylas’s hated nickname.
“I’ve watched you fight monsters. If that Sechen war comes, someone with your skill is going rise to prominence. She’ll notice you.”
“She’s still a better fighter than I am. And I’ll be honest, there are other strong fighters in town. If I say that I am second best, it’s the truth, but I don’t hold that position as clearly as she holds the position of first. I should start teaching you – nothing like teaching to make me find the weaknesses in my own skills.”
“I’m game. Not many folks swinging swords in my world.”
I could reasonably estimate the exact number to be zero.
“Well the fact that we meet here at all tells me that you are unusual. You study and index magic tomes, but you are not a magic user…”
“Yeah. Our official policy is that none of the techniques in the cryptoliterature should be taken at face value. They are imbued with esoteric symbolism and researchers such as myself must not attempt to make use the knowledge which we track down on behalf of other researchers who are not permitted access to the dark stacks.”
“It’s a safety protocol,” I added in response to his blank stare. “The people who use the knowledge don’t have access to look up anything other than what they are authorized to study. The people who do the research don´t have any practical experience.”
“You’re an odd duck. I have misgivings about having all that lore in your head without knowing how to use it. You might surprise yourself with just how real it can be.”
“I said that was the policy. I didn’t say that I blindly toe the party line.”
“Hmm. And you said the pony has been physically abusive twice?”
“Both times we’ve met, yes.”
“Doesn’t sound very friendly ,” he said, alluding to my many tales about Twilight, and her friends.
“Something must be affecting her.”
“Maybe she isn’t who you think she is. Maybe she just wanted a random quickie, like she said , and you’re trying to make her into something she isn’t. It wouldn’t justify her behavior, but it would explain it.”
“I think she’s exactly who I think she is but something is wrong, forcing her out of character.”
Leon had found a pair of straight branches and presented one to me.
“You hold a sword like this.”
I mimicked his grip and stance.
“I hope you’re not planning to teach me to defend myself from her.”
“No, I can tell you wouldn’t lift your hand against her; I’d like you to stand up for yourself, but I’m not recommending a sword fight! At least its just dream-violence, but I still don’t approve– I was going to say that I don’t approve of violence in a relationship, but I’m not sure what you’re describing is a relationship.”
“Funny thing about the violence thing - it seems like the impact of her kicks crosses into real life.”
I did not tell Leon about my dosage excursion and the actual benefit of that first kick.
“That's bad – you need to tell her. If dream and reality are mixing it’s dangerous and the pers— ahem, mage, casting the spell needs to know. Whatever the fuck you aren’t telling me is dangerous too.”
Damn, he’s perceptive.
“I’d rather she decides to be nice to me instead of pressuring her.”
Leon groaned. “You still need to back off your emotional pressure, but insisting that someone treat you decently is not ‘pressure’. Even if they’re mad at you for being full of shit. Are you willing to risk dying in lingering agony after a kick to the gut, waiting for her to stop being abusive? Ever seen a man die from an intestinal injury? I have. It’s not nice.”
“I don’t want to get all dark and angsty, but I don’t exaggerate if I say nothing else matters to me besides being with her. She can kick me until she decides to do otherwise.”
“Yep, that was edgy as fuck, freaking juvenile.” He thought for a moment. “What kind of relationship did your parents have?”
“They never met. My mother is a man-hating courtesan who resents me for not being another daughter and my father died before I was conceived.”
“Before you were conceived? How’s that work? Did they somehow save his, uh, stuff?”
“Yeah, at cryogenic temperatures it lasts for centuries.” Leon looked at me blankly again. “That means really, really, cold. So cold that gasses are liquid or even solid.”
“I was hoping for a good example to discuss with you or a bad example to help me understand you better. Instead we got nothing. Hey, at least on the bright side, you’re getting some action, you just need to learn to shut up.”
“Not quite the kind of action I want. Am I too greedy for wanting to be more than a fling of convenience? I don’t want to just be nothing more than a pleasant memory as she respectably grows old with some respectable stallion prince.”
“Greedy, maybe. But not too greedy, as long as you can watch your manners. I hope to be more than just another random face in Selphia to Avani. In the end, if she rejects me I have to accept it. Same thing goes for you and the pony. Or you can be an ass about it and be nothing more than an unpleasant memory as she grows old, yadda yadda, respectable stallion, whine whine.”
I didn’t have any reply for that gloomy thought - of course he was right.
“I love her, Leon”
He was right about the whining too, I could hear it in my own voice and I didn’t like it.
“Is your love so pure and true that it gives you the right to force love on her if all she wants is a casual screw while she waits to meet someone—”
“Somepony .”
“—marriageable?”
“No!” I scowled. “It’s never okay to force somepony!”
“Good, I’m glad you recognize that. At least you aren’t completely a lost cause. And she does have a point about lust. It would be perfectly reasonable for any woman –eh, mare I guess– to be leery of a guy who starts going on about love after a random hookup. Right?”
“But its not just random! I’ve kinda had a thing for her forever.”
“I could argue that the kind of thing you are describing an improbable, infantile, infatuation, and that she obviously doesn’t have any kind of thing for you. You need to back off if you ever want her to develop one. Maybe while you back off you can get to know her as an individual instead of your obsessive fantasy.”
“I know all about her! Her parents are Nightlight and Twilight Velvet, her brother is Shinning Armor. He’s married to Princess Cadance who used to foalsit Twilight when she was a filly. She loves to read, and learn, and she’s super smart. Her magic has saved the world tons of times. She—”
Leon held up his hand to interrupt me.
“Those are just facts that any stalker could learn. I’m saying you need to know her as a hu— I mean as person. No matter what you think you know, she’s only met you twice and you’re throwing love around. At best it makes you sound like an idiot. Worst case, you sound like a stalker or simply a liar.”
“If anyone else had shown up looking for casual dream sex, it would have been totally different.”
“Like who?” he asked.
“I dunno, anyone. Some kind of adventurer, sword expert, magic user, from a fantasy world on the brink of war; not Twi’. It may be academic anyway. If I never see her again. She’s threatened as much.”
“How long will you wait to see?”
“I dunno. Maybe seven years like in fairy tales?”
“And then?” he asked.
“I’ve got some unfinished business to take care of.”
Leon sighed.
“Let me tell you something funny about Avani. Her favorite outfit, the top,” he said, “has these funny little tabs that hang down right over her nipples. So, since nobody can see nipples poking the fabric she figures she doesn’t need to wear a brassiere…”
His smile was far away and dreamy.
“But… she’s wrong?” I guessed.
“Every. Head. In. Selphia. Bobbing in unison as she bubbles obliviously down the street. Even the straight girls stare at those breasts.”
“Wow, just, wow,” I was chuckling now.
“Me too, of course. I won’t lie.”
“Ha, ha, at least you’re honest about it.”
“But hot as she is, in no way would I be much satisfied with a ‘oh let’s just have sex’ relationship. I can’t claim that I would reject such an unlikely proposition if it came my way, but that I would want more, just as you do. What I’m saying is that I understand where you’re coming from. Even if I don’t approve the kind of treatment you are tolerating, or what you plan.”
“Thanks, buddy. If I manage to kill myself without getting interrupted you can have my legos.”
I had to explain that, too.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Dangit!” Twilight swore, “this spell is just not cooperating.”
Again the weeks had rolled past since she had appeared in my slumbers. My confusion at her behavior and the shock of misuse had faded into the rosy glow of the memory of having spent time with her; which faded in its turn to feelings of abandonment and despair in her absence. Leon had spoken grimly about his take on my situation – but I still thought he was wrong. Or maybe I knew he was right but I just didn’t care. I was head over hooves to see Twilight again. Feet, I corrected myself giddily, I don’t have hooves yet.
She wasn’t nearly as happy to see me as I was to see her.
“I have cast it with more power each time and here you are again. I’m going to find a way to get another dream toy. But since I’m here and you at least know how I like it…”
She fixed me with an arch glare.
“Do. Me.” she commanded. Then she tossed her head and sniffed. “But keep your emotions to yourself. Can you kiss me without saying anything stupid?”
How do I back off, when she’s the one invading in my dreamscape? I would accept her terms as best I could.
“I will try not to anger you by using the Ell word.”
And I’ll try not to sound like a giddy school filly, I added silently.
“Good,” she said quickly – too quickly. If it really was good, she didn’t sound very happy. If only she would share whatever it was that made her so frantic for superficial action – and so averse to the possibility of anything more.
“I obey out of my deep devotion to thee.”
“Watch it. I’m a librarian. Do not imagine that you can sneak a synonymic clause past me.”
“Ammor magnus doctor est ,” I quoted.
“Saint Augustpone – do you think I don’t know the classics? It doesn’t seem to have taught you anything. If you want a word-fight, I’m ready. But I insist that we stick to languages we both know or I will kick your ass in Pre-Equiik,” she switched to that language, «stupid monkey.»
It was close enough to Pnakotic I could understand her and reply.
«The stupid monkey,» I answered her, «lives only to serve your divinely beauteous and sublimely revered Highness and will not dream of challenging your mighty verbal ascendancy.» As far as I knew, the Pnakotic language did not contain vocabulary capable of directly expressing love. Certainly such language was not used the the fragments I was familiar with – I was unlike to stray into forbidden conversational territory.
“Point taken—” she blushed “—let’s stick to ponic.”
Ponic? I would have called our shared language ‘standard terran’.
“Now,” she said, “make with the sex.”
I didn’t ‘just stick it in’, but neither did I waste any time. First a quick embrace then I matched the ferocity of her kisses with my own desperation until she began to respond with something more than anger in her need. Twilight had grown more demanding in her efforts to keep our love-making, -eh pardon me, our fucking- purely physical. But it seemed my skill was keeping pace with her need; I was a blur of action, rubbing, licking, caressing, nipping and more kissing. Her first orgasm came quickly from the loving ministrations of my fingers. Her pleasure lifted my spirit like the promise of dawn – only the need to quiet myself and not annoy her with words telling of love she did not want brought me down again.
As she settled to an intra-climax plateau I took the initiative to move my kisses further aftwards. I traversed her side, over her rump and applied my oral adoration upon labia and clitoris. The heat and tang of her marehood was intoxicating – instead of forgetting my lust now I was painfully erect. Knowing that I might not obtain any release at all drove me harder to satisfy her, to vicariously sublimate my need into serving her.
“I like this,” she said as I knelt behind her, my tongue on her clit, “it keeps you quiet.”
Apparently she did not know ‘the alphabet trick’ I had read about in datalinks. My little secret, I thought, as my tongue massaged the words ‘I love you, I love you’ across her clitoris. My mind wandered and I began forming more arcane symbols and phrases. Nothing that would ensorcel her or compromise her free will, simply charms to increase her physical receptiveness to the delights I offered.
The charms must have worked – she moaned and neighed and shuddered another lengthy orgasm. With my face in her plot and her silky tail cascading over my shoulders and down my back I lost all awareness of myself as a separate existence apart from her pleasure.
“I want you on your feet,” she said, “and putting it in me immediately.”
“Yes, Princess.”
Before rising to my feet I slipped a finger into her well lubricated vagina. When I stood I used the moisture on my finger to write a rune on my penis which would help me last longer. Hardly was I buried in her before she was audibly moving again towards climax.
“Oh yeah, human, almost ready for another…”
Softly I spoke, “it’s Tangent.”
“Hmmm?” she was not paying attention to my words. I guess maybe I’m supposed to be flattered that she was enjoying the sex too much to make conversation.
“That’s my name. Tangent Zeitwaffen Akos. The guy who—” I stopped myself before I said ‘the Ell word’ “—who cares about you. Me.”
“Mmmhmm?” she sighed as I buried my cock in her, again and again.
“Hello, Tangent,” I said in imitation of her voice, “pleased to see you again. You’re doing a very nice job back there. I’m sorry for treating you like an object, and the physical abuse.”
“I didn’t actually ask.” Now she was annoyed enough to pay attention. “And remind me to kick you again as soon as I come.”
It wasn’t long before she did – but it was long.
“Oh, oh, oh, ohnnnnggggg, that’s good, human. I might have to let you come even if you won’t shut up about feelings.”
“I have a name, pony,” I said.
“You may come, human.”
Haughty.
“Just say my name, pony.”
Insistent.
Why was I being so insistent?
“La, la, la, la!” she sang, ignoring my plea.
I withdrew from her and knelt behind her with my head down.
“I command you to ejaculate in me!”
“You may kick me, your highness. You have commanded that I remind you to do so after your climax and I obey.”
“But… I… wait,” she said, “this time I don’t actually want—” now she sounded flustered and hesitant.
“I love you, my princess. You don’t even have to like me. But if you can’t even say my name, just kick me again.”
“Ta…” she started, and then grew silent, stubborn.
“Kick me now.”
She kicked.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
I woke tumbling across the room – the impact of Twilight’s hooves carried through from the dream and knocked me out of my bed. Bruises formed as I watched, adding dark, angry, mottled shadowing just visible through my skin. My right arm was badly broken.
I called in sick from work and spent the morning largely motionless. I knew my arm needed professional attention, the splint I had improvised was hardly adequate. At least it wasn’t my primary hand out of service.
I did not want to visit the hospital again. I was pretty sure I was already on their watch list as a probable psych case. Like as not, the amateurish extraction of the dosing implant in my arm would be counted against me. All it would take is showing up with injuries and outrageous, clearly delusional of course, claims of how they were sustained in a dream and my next FSB might come laced with a painless termination additive. The irony of my reluctance for euthanation did not escape me.
I could lie, of course, but having been a proselyte of truth all my life the idea did not appeal, nor did I truly think I could do it well.
After finally steeling myself to risk medical care I drifted back to sleep before I could venture to the hospital. Instead I found myself at the foot of a familiar hill near Selphia.
Leon was there, suavely holding two swords ready for another lesson.
“What the fuck happened to you?” He dropped the swords with a clang. “Did pony do this?”
I was ashamed to confirm his guess, but I nodded ‘yes’ wishing I could have shielded Twilight somehow.
“It’s my fault.”
Setting the remaining clangs beside the practice swords where they lay on the ground he began examining my arm. “Don’t you have doctors in your world?”
“Yeah, but I’ve been avoiding the hospital. After my last trip, showing up claiming to have been kicked by a magic pony could get me euthanized.”
“They might have good reason to do that. If I heal you, are you just going to back to her and get yourself hurt again?”
“Ugh, probably.” It was my fault for driving her to it, but I had to be honest with myself. I would probably do the same again, given the chance.
Leon made an exasperated noise as a glow began to form around his hands.
“I’m going to fix the bone, but you can keep the bruises. Enjoy.”
He was angry: If I hadn’t been sure, the harshness with which he positioned the sections of my fractured bone together made it clear.
“Listen, kid,” he grated as the bone-ends slid roughly together, “Ninety-nine percent of a priest’s work is not the dramatic shit like casting out demons and breaking curses like you hear around the campfire at night. It’s stuff like relationship counseling for idiots in abusive relationships.” He was a good friend but he didn’t pull any punches expression his opinion of my infatuation with Twilight. “Idiots like you, idiot.”
I managed to avoid crying out from the pain as the bone ends ground against each other. When he was satisfied they were positioned correctly he spoke a healing word like it was a curse. Leon’s restorative magic was effective, after a moment there was only a fading sense of warmth where the break had been.
“For every honest to Ventu exorcism I ever did, there were a dozen soulful little victims in love with their abuser.”
The bruising remained: deep and extensive, still dark enough to show through my skin, but I could move my arm again. Gingerly I wiggled my fingers and made a fist.
“Thank you.” I tightened my fist until the muscles were a blaze of agony but the healed fracture stayed intact. “I’m ready to rock.”
“Hmmmph. You’re obviously too brain-damaged for a kick to the head to matter. Maybe next time she’ll kick you in the junk.”
“Nah, bro, remember she tried that already. Turns out that's the only part of me she likes. Now, what if you’re wrong?”
“Eh?”
“What if this really the victim’s only chance at love?”
Leon was troubled by my suggestion. He thought about it for at least a minute, before he shook his head.
“If that was the way the universe worked,” his voice was gravelly with suppressed emotion, “I would choose to defy it.”
“Perhaps you understand my position better than you realize.”
“Do you think you’re some kind of saint?”
“No, I’m just an idiot, you said so. But she is my muse, my dream, my saint.”
—
I was in the aisles of the dark stacks, hoisting a hoary old grimoire up onto its place on the tall granite shelf when Mr. Landers found me.
“Young Akos, my disciple of Kaos, I thought you were out with an injury?”
“I decided that I can deal with it. No broken bones.”
He peered at my arm.
“I don’t know how you got all that bruising without a break. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Let’s see. I’m in love with an imaginary pony, she’s not interested in love, she broke my arm rather than speak my name and she says she’s going to find another sex partner because apparently she thinks she’ll prefer having sex with a partner who doesn’t love her. In short: not okay.
“I’m okay,” I said.
A lie isn’t a lie if it's transparently obvious, right?
“If you need help with anything—” he flashed the elder sign “—anything at all, consult me. I am more resourceful than you can know.”
That, I did not doubt. Some unseen hand had guided my career to the one facility where I might plumb these rarefied occult writings to my satisfaction. If it was Landers himself, the benefit had been mutual: I was good at my work. But, the elder sign? That was daring of him, his confidence in me was almost alarming. But even surprised by his action, I noted how he had carefully stood with his back to door lest anybody entering the room see the forbidden gesture. Only the two of us have access, but in matters of life and death, discretion pays off. Too bad I did not dare to confide in him how my notion of realities had been up-ended.
“Uh, thank you sir. What did we talk about?”
The dark stacks were an electronics free zone lest any of the volumes restrained there find a communication channel to the outside world. Some of the more dangerous tomes did not welcome their captivity, and with strange aeons even a sub-baud data exfiltration rate could mean eventual freedom. The lack of electronics meant that no surveillance records would be available. Any time two personnel entered simultaneously it was incumbent upon them to log their topics of conversation. If the personal logs were ever audited it would be best they agree.
“I inquired after your well-being and invited you to lunch, off-site. You accepted, after a brief screen of transparent excuse.”
“Got it.”
—
Lunch was good, uneventful. I was out of practice with real food, but I had not completely forgotten what to do with it. Conversation was harmless and and confined to non-classified archaolinguistics – who’d be to know which table in any given café might have a hot mic? Upon our return to the library where everything was definitely on record, he let slip the bombshell.
“After the isolation breach in Bucharest last year, I am planning bi-yearly audits of the dark stacks.” That would be the two of us, off camera, with a week-long task, twice a year. Plenty of time to talk and a valid reason to claim we made no smalltalk. “Just as a safety measure.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
When next I shared a dream with Twilight, I found myself sprawled on the ground before her. She was beautiful, she smiled, but although she wasn’t happy to see me, she was brimming with self satisfaction.
“I’ve been doing some research and I think I can help you.”
“Help me?” I asked. The interval since our last session had plunged me into a self abyss of catatonic despair. It took effort to dredge up a reply to her statement. And couldn’t she see my arm was already healed? Even the bruising had faded in the weeks after Leon had healed the fractured bone. Now there was no visible indication the injury had ever been there.
“With your pathological inability to keep your mouth shut.” She glared down at me. “You will give me your consent to transform you.”
Oh. At least she wasn’t proposing try to eliminate my love, merely silence me somehow.
Yes, I nodded, finally starting to realize that I would be spending time with her again.
Twilight smiled triumphantly, and spoke a word. As light blazed around me I realized I was in the centre of a magic circle.
Twilight howled with laughter and madness.
What had she done to me? Sight was gone. I was not in darkness or blind: the ability to comprehend light or darkness was completely gone; my mind was now housed in a brain without the facility to even remember sight; I knew shape of the word but could not remember what it meant, only that it was gone. It was disturbing but not quite overwhelming, I could maintain my calm. Just take a deep…
I fully panicked when I realized that I was not breathing, no longer knew how to breathe.
“Calm down, calm down!” Twilight was calling “You don’t need to breathe, you don’t even have lungs.”
I forced the panic down – a task all the more difficult without deep breathing to focus on.
“Better?”
I couldn’t even try to reply – if I even had a mouth I had no idea how to use it.
“You can’t even ask me to call you by name,” she gloated. I wasn’t even sure how I was hearing her. It wasn’t telepathy, I could feel the vibrations of her speech over a large array of my new sensorium – surely I no longer possessed any hearing organ as specific or localized as ears. “Because whatever you are now doesn’t have one. It doesn’t speak, doesn’t breathe, doesn’t orgasm. We can play. All. Night. Long.”
She paused.
“Agreed?”
Unable to speak, I attempted to move. Parts of me felt a sensation of movement, but I still had no idea what shape or size I was, could not even separate the signals reaching my brain into specific senses or limbs. A broad spectrum static of unintelligible sensations flooded my awareness.
“One spasm of inchoate thrashing for no, two for yes.”
I thrashed my unknown limbs, waited, and moved them again. Tactile sensations grew more coherent as I learned to separate them from the unknown senses.
“Excellent.” There was a pause and in spite of my lack of sight I knew exactly the thoughtful expression on Twilight’s face. “The safe-word will be ‘futile’… ha ha ha ha!”
The joke was at my expense but it was funny. I shook and twitched with the humor.
Slowly I began to find my way through the maze of unknown proprioception. When one moving part touched another I could map the movable parts of my new body. My form was still a mystery, but I was beginning to get an idea what parts were close to each other.
“Okay, here I come,” she said before I was ready, “don’t stick any of those tentacles anywhere that's going to get you kicked, ‘cos I don’t think you could dodge very well right now, and you know I like kicking.”
That was another clue: some of my moving parts were tentacles.
Something brushed up against me – it must be her coat that I was feeling. Cautiously I began to exploring her body. The touch of individual hairs was starting to clue me in to scale as they brushed across clusters of touch sensitive nerves. I stroked her coat, smoothing every hair into place and rubbing the tension out of her muscles.
“Mmmm, I’ll be the little lost filly and you can be the horny rape monster—” She broke off as I pulled away. I couldn't speak to explain my opposition to that kind of fantasy; instead I tried to make myself as small as possible.
“Oh, for crying out loud!” she grumped. “You don’t approve of that?”
I waved a single tentacle as dismissively as I could.
“Fine,” she snapped, “I will be the bitchy, entitled, and demanding Princess and you will be the worm of a peasant who gets her off if he bucking knows what’s good for him! Satisfactory?”
I wiggled my entire complement of movable limbs twice for ‘yes’- starting at one end of my body and passing to the other end, before pausing and doing the same in reverse.
“Hmmf!” she snorted and I could smell her anger spike for an instant. But behind the fading aroma of anger was the stronger perfume of her lust, ready for me to resume.
I followed her voice – much of my entire body was sensitive to sound and I was learning how to tell directions. I reached out and traced the line of her jaw with the tip of one tentacle, slid down her neck confining my touch to the border between dermatomes, dancing between two different sets of receptors. I could feel the sensations split into separate impulses, traveling separately to her brain, arriving out of sync in a sensuous tingle; she shivered and and leaned into my touch as I brought more tentacles into contact.
Like a masseuse I rubbed along her body, finding tight muscles, relaxing them. As I worked down her neck, and along her wings, a further piquancy layered onto the broad spectrum of non-visual input flooding my senses. From this far away I could already sense the moisture of her marehood, redolent with the fragrance of her need, enticing me to sup upon her desire. Instead of rushing, I reached several tentacles under her belly, began massaging her inner thighs. She shifted her hooves to stand with legs further apart, but still I resisted the need to become drunken upon the heady wine dripping from her.
With two more tentacles I reached for the base of her horn and encircled the sensitive base.
“Stop teasing me,” she gasped, “stick something in!”
I hesitated for an instant – I wasn’t completely sure how well anything I had to offer was going to fit. Then I slipped the tentacle into her and was instantly intoxicated by her taste as sensed by nerves far more refined than a human tongue. Instinct told me to start thrusting, hard. I compromised with myself and slid slowly in and out. My cock had never been able to feel the inside of her with such exquisite detail.
She sounded like she was enjoying, but I had to try to ask. I wiggled a dozen-ish tentacles where they had been kneading her lower back, and then reduced the pressure of contact to a light brush that barely registered on her nerves. I repeated the motion to make a question: a tactile “Yes?”
“Unghh, yes, yes,” she replied, “like that.”
Reassured, I pounded my princess until she came.
—
She was gasping for breath, wobbling on her hooves, but, “more,” she demanded, “don’t stop.”
How was she still this horny?
I was a little bit in awe of her lust. What could give her a drive like this? Had she been like this every night, with every partner brought to her by the random dream sex spell? How many had it been in the weeks and months between our encounters? I could never ask such an impertinence.
Her need seemed endless, but despite occupying an utterly alien body I still managed to please her for this interlude. For that I was thankful.
My momentary sense of satisfaction was cut short by a fresh spate of verbal abuse.
“You look like a cross between a squashed colioptra diabolucus foetidus and a unidentified cephalopod. Almost—” she stopped speaking to moan as she neared another orgasm and then leered out afterwards “—as ugly as your human form.”
What was this, grade school? Next would be name calling or booger flicking. Maybe if I survived long enough she would start passing me notes when she kicked me. But for now I knew how to end the insults. I braced several less flexible limbs against the ground to stabilize myself and—
Twilight shrieked merrily as I swept her off her hooves, flipped her onto her back. I held her in the air and began caressing her neck and shoulders in short strokes like a torrent of kisses. The tentacle filling her vagina had slipped out when I flipped her; now her tail was flipped upwards, blocking the fresh tentacle I brought up to enter her. Slowly I pulled her tail aside, held her legs apart. When she said nothing to stop me, I reached with two of my jointed limbs. Carefully I traced the chitinous points across her skin and spread her labia – now she was truly exposed. Homing in on the scent of her, I re-entered her sensuous warmth, thrusting deep and solid again. I removed my armored limbs lest she wiggle against the points and harm herself; then I slid another tentacle ready to partake of her heat and wetness. For an instant she shivered under the approaching tentacle and then I slipped it into her vagina alongside the one already thrusting therein, stretching, filling, but careful not to hurt her.
“Oh–!”
That didn’t sound like the safe-word. Her moan was cut off by the tentacle I slid deep into her mouth – eagerly she sucked it. She was poised on the edge of another orgasm and the two tentacles writhed inside her to unleash it. I brought another tentacle to her clitoris and she exploded in pleasure.
“You’re right, Princess,” I thought as she climaxed, cradled in the many-limbed embrace of my love, “I can do this all night long.”
“…all night long...” she echoed, mumbling around the tentacle in her mouth.
—
How long the buzzing had gone on I could not tell. It had started as a subliminal sensation which had eventually grown to a roar. But this was a different sensory channel than the input which had allowed me to receive Twilight’s voice. Then came a pervading awareness of something being wrong; I didn’t know if I should interpret these nerve impulses as pain. With no voice, I couldn’t ask Twilight for help, could not even signal my distress as the sense of wrongness grew stronger.
,,I think this body is dying,, I thought to Twilight and realized that the unspoken words had reached her. It seemed I had unfolded another aspect of this strange body.
,,How did you do that?,, She replied ,,Get out of my head! And what do you mean dy—,,
Something was definitely going wrong. Hurriedly I set Twilight back on her hooves lest I drop her; my tentacles felt weak and floppy as I released my grip.
Even as consciousness was failing I finally began to understand the white noise of signals reaching my brain from alien nerves. It was something like sight, but spread in all directions around me, all at once. I could not direct my vision in any particular direction, it was all flooding in from three hundred and sixty degrees. There was no colour, or brightness, only depth and distance. But there was no time to ponder further, even as I gained understanding the sense was failing.
,,Oh my beloved Princess, save me! Futile, futile!,, I sent a last soundless cry as the dream slipped to a void of nothingness.
—
Twilight found herself suddenly alone in the dream world. Still unstable and dazed from the series of sweeping orgasms she had extracted from her shape shifted…
—partner?
—sex slave?
She didn’t really have a word for him. Certainly not ‘lover’, right?
Unbidden, another word sprang to mind.
—victim?
Wasn’t she supposed to do something if he said ‘futile’? Had she killed him?
She spoke hesitantly.
“Tangent?”
Author's Note
As a self-challenge, I re-told this chapter from a different perspective.
[Adult story embed hidden]
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The Gangster Goblin de-rezed after I skewered it. Its essence returned to the forest of beginnings as its pathetic little cry faded.
“Great job,” Leon said “you’re improving a lot!”
I had graduated from stick drills, to practice with a dull sword, to facing smaller monsters with a real sword.
“You did the feint-parry-twist-stab just like I taught you - gets these smaller nuisances more often than not. With your reach, and any weapon no shorter than a bastard sword, most non-boss varieties of goblins should not be any threat at all. It’s an old Sechen technique, but they don’t teach it anymore.” Stepping where the monster had just died he added “Now show me again what you do if he successfully dodges you and parries your stab.”
We went through the same moves that had lead to the goblin’s death; when we got to the point where I stabbed, Leon suddenly wasn’t there anymore. Half a step to the left of where I expected him, he parried with the strength of a well trained warrior. Instead of fighting his strength I harvested the momentum to come around with an upward slash. Whereupon Leon smashed the blade from my hand, leaving my fingers stinging.
“You’ve got the move down, Tangent, but you’ll need to work on that speed if you ever face a monster as good as me.”
Maybe I would have been faster if my focus had been on task. I truly did appreciate Leon teaching swordplay but progress notwithstanding, I was distracted recently. Twilight’s latest taunts, and a night transformed into an unknown creature to serve her desire, had left me direly in need. I really wasn’t used to these feelings.
“But I think you’re ready something bigger,” he continued, smiling broadly. His strength, his confidence, he was… handsome.
“Bigger?” My thoughts were running to strange avenues and I only half-heard Leon’s suggestion.
“Yeah, a harder challenge.” His fox ears perked up enthusiastically; dappled sunlight played across his bare chest. This was getting distracting.
“Harder?” I asked, utterly lost.
“Do you think you’re ready to take on the Empire? The Sechs?”
“Sex?”
“Dude! Don’t stare at my junk like that! I’m already going crazy ‘cos I have to see Avani every day and she’s spending her nights with stupid horseboy. I’m horny enough to fuck an oak tree. Keep staring and I’ll start getting ideas that you won’t like.”
“I’m already having those ideas and I do like them…”
“Tangent. What are you saying, kiddo?” A blush rose to his face.
I dropped to my knees. “I’m saying get your pants down or I’ll chew through them.”
I had never seen Leon get flustered before: he’s too smooth to be easily discomfited. He slowly unbuckled his belt, dropped his trousers. His erect cock sprang free as the pants fell. I carefully took it in my hands and kissed. I was shaking.
“I’m not really sure how to do this,” I confessed, “but I know I want to try.”
“Just do whatever you enjoy when someone is sucking yours. Chances are good that I’ll like it too. And if I don’t, you should be able to tell if you’re paying any attention.”
It seemed like a bad time to tell him I had never been at either end of a blowjob before so I kissed the tip again and began licking his erect shaft. By the Allmother, his cock was substantial! Not comically huge, but certainly a serious mouthful. Tufts of pale blue pubic hair surrounded his rod, matching the hair on his head. The blue looked nice with the pale length of the shaft and the ruddier bulb of glans.
Ready to start in earnest, I moved back to the tip, started licking, swirling my tongue around the smooth dome before me. To my amazement it swelled further as I put my lips to him in a gentle, almost reverent, kiss. I took just the head into my mouth and then slid carefully further down. I’d seen pictures of people doing this, it couldn’t be too difficult. I repeated this motion a few times, hoping that I would figure it out, that it would feel good to him. I looked up into Leon’s eyes to see how he was reacting. I was blown away by the pleasure on his face, a contagious focus putting his entire awareness towards the act we were sharing. Suddenly I was not just cautiously doing this thing, I wanted him deep in my mouth, this was turning me on like crazy. I pushed myself further, sliding up and down his cock. I was noticing the scent of him, so different from the sweet and tang of Twilight’s pussy, so different but still so enticing. He was starting to make little moans of pleasure and I wanted him to come, I needed his pleasure inside me, I was eager for it. Too eager. I pushed too far and the touch on the back of my throat made me cough. I had to back all the way off of him and collapsed coughing.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry, I took too much,” I gasped when I could finally speak and climb back up to my knees.
“Not so deep kiddo, you’ve never done that before have you?”
“Nuh-uh,” I confessed.
“I’m guessing you’ve never had it done either.”
“No.”
“Kinda obvious.That gagging is a big turn off.”
“I’m sorry, man. Let me try to do better, I think I can take it if I go slower.” I nuzzled up to his groin, breathing his scent again, my smooth cheek rubbing against his cock.
“No, let’s try something different. Get naked and lie down. On your back.”
As I undressed, he stepped all the way out of his pants, removing his sword belt next. The sword, he slung over his shoulder to hang on his back. Leon was far too savvy to be caught without his blade; caught with his pants down maybe, but not caught unarmed.
“Easier without the britches,” he said, “now roll up and get your butt in the air so I can do you.”
I pulled my knees forward to lift my ass up in the air. Apparently I wasn’t getting myself quite high enough; Leon put his hands on the back of my knees and pushed to raise my aft further. When he had me positioned just right he lined up his erection with my anus.
“Relax,” he said.
His cock, pale and rigid, was still slicked with my saliva. With a slow push he entered me, just slightly, drawing back out to spit into my ass for more lubrication before pushing in again. This time he pressed the entire head of his cock inside me before he paused. One more push and I gasped as pain surrounded the intruding organ.
“Wait!” I tried to cry, but it came out as, “wffft” as he pressed further.
“What was that? You doin’ okay down there?” he asked as he worked more of his intimidating length and girth into me, bit by bit. The stinging sensation began to fade as he slid in and out, his hot shaft massaging my insides into forgiving the novel intrusion, traveling further on each stroke.
“I don’t know, I think so?”
Leon kept a steady pace. What had started as almost uncomfortable was starting to feel good. Really good.
“Yeah, Leon, mmmm definitely okay.”
Leon let go of one of my knees and began slowly stroking my cock with his hand. Mine was a respectable little brother compared to his; I stared intently for the glimpses I got of his member during his out strokes.
After another minute he asked me “Why you doin’ this? What about your crazy pony?”
“You said yourself that my thing with her isn’t a relationship.”
“Neither is this, kid.”
He was maintaining a steady, even, rhythm. Enjoying my body and not wanting to climax too soon.
“I know. She’s moved on to orgasm denial on me to punish me every time I slip up and tell her I love her. Last time we fucked she turned me into some alien creature that can’t even talk or come. She says she won’t let me come with her until I say that it’s only physical but I won’t lie. Leon, I love her. She won’t even say my name. I’m not like this in real life but I gotta get some relief somehow. You’re willing right?”
“The fact that I am the one boning you should indicate an acceptable modicum of consent, but thanks for checking.” A wry smirk crossed his face. “And this isn’t cheating, the way your princess is treating you, she has no right to expect exclusivity.”
“But if you love Avani, why are you fucking me?”
“Same reason you asked for it. If I don’t work out some of my own frustration I’ll totally blow any chance I might get with Avani. Dylas would love it if I made an ass out of myself. You know, hump her legs at a soirée in the castle, something not quite consistent with my debonair reputation. Dylas knows he’s outclassed with her but until I was rescued he was the best thing going on in Selphia and—”
“okay, shut up and fuck me, Leon,” I interrupted.
Leon smiled knowingly and thrust faster, pounding down into me. His grip on my cock tightened and I felt him throb as the heat of his pleasure overflowed into me. As he slid his fist up and down my cock I came, splattering drops of hot seed all over my face.
It was hard to see as I blinked the semen out of my eyes, but he was smiling down at me. The dream was starting to fade away.
“Leon, man, I swear I’m not like this in real life…”
“Me neither, kiddo,” he chuckled and the waking world began to impinge upon my senses. “Me neither.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“You again!” Twilight snorted.
How many others had the spell brought to her in the months since I last saw her? Was I the only repeat? How had she welcomed them?
“Did you expect somepony else in my dreams, Princess?”
“I wonder if I cast the right spell. I wanted casual random hookups, but instead I get mister creepy stalker.”
“Excuse me for worshiping the ground you walk on!”
“I didn’t ask you to!”
“Maybe you bought the wrong spell, Princess. Instead of ‘Abra-plug-me-now-kadabra’ you got the spell to find the creature that loves you most in the multiverse.”
“Bah, I’d ask for my bits back but I didn’t buy it, I stole it.”
“Of course,” I said, “but I was trying to be nice about it.”
“Whatever. Normally Cadance keeps her scrolls perfectly organized.”
“Let me guess. It was her only defense to keep you from ‘organizing’ for her when you were a filly.”
“As a matter of fact, yes. Mister. Creepy. Stalker.”
“Maybe somepony intentionally mislabeled the spell. Set you up.” I bent down my face close to hers.
For a moment Twilight looked alarmed.
“Set you up,” I whispered portentously, “for a lifetime of happiness beyond dreams.”
Twilight laughed heartily at that notion.
“And you propose that you might be my lifetime of happiness?”
“If you will accept me, I will live for nothing else.”
“And your own happiness, too, rutting me?”
I looked her in the eye. “Yes, please, I accept this rut, so please it your Highness.”
She blushed slightly and looked away.
“Well so start rutting. We’ll see if you make me happy or if I need to kick you again.”
“Perhaps both, your worship,” I leaned close again, kissed her forehead at the base of her horn.
Even if she didn’t, wouldn't, love me, being close to her filled my heart; I took a step back and turned a pirouette for sheer joy. When I faced her again she looked at me quizzically. With a liquid motion I ran my fingertip along her jaw, down her neck, skirting the invisible demarcation between dermatomes, teasing the sensations from one nerve path to the other and I realized that I was feeling more than I ever had before, my awareness of her body was amplified by the time I had spend making sex to her as a sightless creature of pure tactile sensation. With this knowledge I would serve her as no lover ever had.
Twilight shivered and closed her eyes.
I lowered my head in shame as I massaged her. I shouldn’t have compared myself to a lover, not even in my mind. Not when she still felt like she did. I must seal my mind away from such thoughts.
—
“It’s not like I like you or anything…” she said after she came the second time.
“of course not, ” I agreed quietly.
“…but I’m glad that when that monster body I put you died it didn’t kill you for real.”
“Thank you, gracious Highness,”
“How did you do that? Talk in my head…”
“I don’t know, I think it was an innate ability of whatever creature I was. Oh, mmmmmm”
“Getting close?”
“Aghnnn, yes, Princess.”
“Pull out, finish me with your fingers and mouth.”
There was a complex sadness in her voice.
Confused by her command, I silently knelt to comply, kissing, fingering, licking, massaging. Forcing myself to humbly submit to her will.
Imagination flared and I fantasized the situation reversed, a purple face eagerly planted between my legs.
“Absurd,” I thought to myself, “she’s not… I don’t even…”
Reality intruded in the form of Twilight’s orgasmic moaning. Her effort to be silent made the sounds of her pleasure even more compelling. If only she would let me enjoy it too.
—
“I’m done,” she announced and stepped away. I had been leaning against her and fell without support.
“Princess?” I asked from the ground.
“Still hard?” she asked as I looked up at her.
“Yes, Highness, desperately.”
My penis was painfully erect, the skin stretched taut, the shaft aching with need, and ready to serve her will.
“Are you still persisting in believing the impossible?”
“Yes, Princess.”
“You could back down before it’s too late.”
I shook my head ‘no’, in spite of a growing sense of confusion and alarm. Too late?
“So be it.” Her sad expression hardened. “Time for you to learn your place, peasant. Get yourself off by hand.”
I raised myself back onto my knees began masturbating myself slowly, bemused by her strange demand.
“Hurry up! You don’t need to enjoy it.”
I grasped my balls with my other hand I began vehemently stroking my dick.
“Close, your Highness,” I gasped after a moment.
“Catch the mess with your hand.”
What in Helheim was she on about? I cupped my right hand under the tip of my cock as I ejaculated in humiliating surges. There was no pleasure in the shame. As I knelt before her with a handful of semen I felt only hollowness, not release. My spent member withered to flaccid pathos.
“Eww,” she said, looking askance at the fluid collected in my palm. “Gross. Now rub it on your face.”
I stared at her. What?
“Obey me. Do it now.”
The come was already getting cold as I smeared it on myself.
“Look at you,” she sneered. “What a filthy slut you are, what a total whore. Are you a dirty whore?”
“Yes,” I mumbled, devastated, bereft. How was my love so flawed that it drove the Princess of Friendship to such behavior?
“Yes, what? ” she demanded icily.
“Yes, Princess!” I answered from absolute rock bottom.
“More detail.”
“Yes, I am a dirty whore, Princess!”
No deeper humiliation was possible.
“That’s right. Do you somehow think you are worthy of a Princess? If you ever see me looking like that you’ll know that you've conquered me entirely. But don’t hold your breath. Now hold still while I lift a leg…”
I was still crying when I woke.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“How’s it going with your pony?” Leon asked.
“She’s not ‘mine’, y’know.”
“Are you at least getting along better?”
“I told you about getting turned into… something alien for her to use all night, right?”
“Yeah you told me, what did she do to top that?”
“Last time I saw her things started better. No weird transformations, no kicking. But no love either. A fairly practical fuck session, you might think.”
“But was she nice to you?”
I didn’t want to answer that question.
“Did she let you come with her?” he pressed.
“No,” I really didn’t want to go into all the details. “We talked. It was a little tense, at first, but I thought we had a good conversation. I thought maybe we had a little more understanding. Then she wrapped things up by deliberately humiliating me.”
“What’d she do?” There was comforting strength to his insistence.
I looked away, shamed by the memory.
“She made me jerk myself off and rub the come all over my own face.” I didn’t mention what came after that.
“That wasn’t the end of it, was it?” Leon, in his wisdom saw through me yet again, but he did not ask me to elaborate further.
I nodded silently in my shame.
“I made you come on your own face,” he said gently.
“You and I were just getting off together, and it was crazy mad hot. I’m not in love with you, you’re not in love with me, and you didn’t make me call myself a dirty whore!”
“Sounds like one step forward, three steps back, to me. Normally I would say that ‘no violence’ was a good step, but in this case the emotional violence is almost as bad. As your spiritual advisor, I’m telling you that you might have to give up on this woman. Mare. Whatever.”
“You know that I can’t.”
“You know that if she’s chosen to convince herself that she doesn’t like you, nothing you do will make a difference. You know you can’t force her to love you. And there’s no telling how far she’ll go.”
“Wherever she goes, I’ll be there for her.”
Leon groaned and I tried to steer the conversation towards the more neutral topic of swordplay instruction. “You’ll be pleased to learn I’ve been practicing in real life.”
“You got a boyfriend? You’re sucking dicks for coin of the realm in some dark alley?” He was teasing now but the humorous accusation caught me off guard.
“No! You doofus! I bought a dildo to practice on and named it after you. But what I meant to tell you was that I found a crappy theatre prop sword and have been swinging it around my domicile. And I’m gonna get my hands on a real war sword, but its been something like a thousand years since wars were fought with swords on my world so real ones are ancient artifacts. Uh, I wasn’t going to tell you about that other thing.”
He chuckled as I blushed.
“Did you make any progress convincing miss Avani that you are the alpha male in Selphia?” I asked.
He already had his hand on his belt buckle – I took that as a ‘no’.
“You okay, kid?” he asked, “do you wanna do it?”
Abusing myself to Twilight’s mockery had not brought me any actual relief.
“Yeah, Leon,” I said as his pants fell, “I need to.”
“Take care of this,” he tightened his pelvic muscles until his cock lunged upwards, “and then we can cross blades. Sword and dagger technique today.”
I grasped Leon’s erection in one hand, my own hardness in the other hand, stepped closer until I could rub our cocks against each other.
“Sword and dagger, m’lord?” I asked playfully. I looked up into his eyes as I squeezed one penis and then the other.
“That’s not what I meant, kid. But—” he put a strong hand on my shoulder, lending his closeness a breath-catching immediacy “—are you sure you’re up for this? The pony’s been being kinda rough on you.”
I shrugged out of his grasp, released his member, and knelt before him.
“I’m sure, Leon. I gotta stay sane enough to serve her.”
I began kissing his penis. Not sucking yet, I wanted to make sure he was thoroughly erect before I took him. When he was stone hard, and slick from my kisses, I drew back and looked up coyly at him. I licked my lips in anticipation.
“Now careful when you—”
Before he could finish speaking I hilted him in one smooth motion and this time I didn’t gag at all. My lips were pressed hard against the base of his cock, my chin against his balls; and I wasn’t maxed out. It helped that my practice dildo (how did he goad me into admitting such a thing?) was somewhat bigger than Leon’s rod: this was going to be easy. I knew from timing myself I could spend over half a minute with him completely occluding my airway and not gasp even a little when I came up for air. I was not going to screw up like last time.
I met his gaze as I deepthroated him. I think he was as much impressed as he was pleasured. When the need for air finally became pressing I drew back until just the tip of my tongue caressed the underside of his glans, and I made a show of taking a slow breath then kissed the tip.
“Okay, you learned that almost as fast as the other kind of swordplay,” Leon admitted.
“I gotta say, a real, warm, flesh cock is a lot nicer in the throat than the dildo,” I whispered.
“It’s going to be a lot squirtier than a dildo real fast if you keep up like that, dude.”
“Call me Avani, Leon baby,” I purred, “and make sure you come in my mouth.”
I took him again in one slow motion. I bobbed in ever faster and shallower strokes until my lips were barely passing the corona of his penis. I took a breath and repeated the cycle: deep and slow start gradually becoming fast and shallow. Again I met his gaze and and the connection formed. I could see how much he was enjoying it, how his entire awareness had focused down to just my mouth. His pleasure became mine and I had to restrain myself to keep my rhythm steady. I grabbed his hips to steady myself when I found my enthusiasm threatened to unbalance me.
“Oh, Avani!” Leon’s gaze was far away now. “You don’t need that Dylas idiot…”
“Mmmm Leon, you’re so much better than him,” I said when I came up for breath.
Again I took his full length. When I attempted to shorten my strokes he gently put his hand on the side of my head and guided me to stay deep. His other hand brushed my face as he crooned, “Avani, Avani, Avani.”
It was a good thing, I thought, that I could never manage to grow a beard – it might have interfered with his fantasy. Leon was fully in control as he carefully, but firmly, set the pace as he stroked in and out of my mouth. I had one hand on his hip, holding on to balance myself. My other hand found a firm grip further down.
For long minutes his cock dominated my awareness as completely as it filled my mouth. I could breathe shallowly around him, but I wasn’t getting enough air and Leon was too focused to let me pause to take a full breath. My eyes were watering, tears were running down my face, and I was growing dizzy. But through some perverse neural alchemy my arousal was only increasing.
When he did finally remember to let me breathe I squandered to opportunity to urge him on.
“Fuck my mouth Leon, come, come, come…” my crooning was cut off as he did exactly what I asked. Plunging his cock back through my eager lips, he made a whimpering sound that could have been Avani’s name and his eyes were half closed as he ejaculated voluminously into my mouth, the salt and sweet of him bathing my tongue in his silky warmth. I swallowed, and swallowed more, and gently suckled his penis until the pulsing flow of semen stopped. I sucked for minutes longer until he began to grow soft.
“Oh shit, Leon,” I said between gasps of air, “that was good buddy.” I leaned forward to lick the last drop from him after he released me. He stood there and wobbled slightly, pants around his knees, eyes half closed. The musky aftertaste of semen lingered at the back of my throat; this wasn’t love, but at least I felt physically satisfied.
“Bullshit,” he said, “I just about screwed your face off. I’m sorry, kid, I kinda got carried away. Y’a’ight?”
“I’m fine, fine,” I laughed, “notice that I never asked you to stop.”
“Yeah, I see you grinning like an idiot, but why the tears?” he asked, placing a hand gently on my cheek. “I never had a girl cry from sucking me.” His gaze darkened with memory. “I try not to make my partners cry,” he added, “even just casual hookups.”
“Then they don’t know what they were missing,” I sassed back to lighten the mood. “If I wasn’t enjoying it, then what’s been going on down here?”
Leon looked down. He hadn’t noticed me pull my cock out my pants and stroke it while I sucked him. When the taste of his orgasm filled my awareness it had triggered my climax and I splattered the ground between his feet. I wiped a big drop of semen from my dick head and reached up to pop the finger in his mouth.
“What was that for?” he asked after he licked his lips in surprise.
“I don’t want you to think you’re topping me. This is mutual stress relief until one or both of us manage to move our real relationships further.”
“I dunno.” Leon’s eyes sparkled. His irrepressible humor melded with the languor of afterglow as he stroked the side of my face where he had wiped my tears dry. “I think I’ll be topping the dream-loving fuck out of you, pretty boy!”
“Leoooo!”
Author's Note
Happy belated Hearts & Hooves day, everypony :ominouslythrobbingheart:
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Where the heck did you get a name like Tangent, anyhow? What’s it mean?”
“Well I told you my mom wanted another girl right?”
“Y– yeah.”
“So when I was born male she planned to get rid of me and picked that name for the symbolism from geometry.”
“Geo… metry?” Leon asked, “what’s that? I can do some Geomancy.”
“Nevermind geomancy, look.” I scratched a straight line and a curve on the ground, using a twig as a stylus. “The two lines meet at a single point. They don’t cross, just that single point and they diverge forever. You can mathematically prove that there is only one point of coincidence. Like throwing something away and you’ll never see it again.”
He peered past my shoulder to examine the diagram.
“So that’s what Tangent means?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you really trying to teach me math right now?”
—
“What was it again? Zeitwaffen? What does that even mean?”
“Something like ‘time weapon’, your Highness. Or perhaps ‘time fighter’.”
“Hmmm-ugnnnnnn, where do you even get a crazy middle name like that?”
“My mother picked it randomly. She saw the word on message that was delivered for one of her patrons.”
“Spying on her tricks, eh. Classy.”
“It’s actually routine for a professional companion to run interference on things trying to interrupt their time. He was bathing before sex and would have expected her to preview any incoming messages and only let suitably important ones through.”
“I just called your mother a whore,” Twilight pointed out, in case I missed it.
“A rather successful one. She lives better than some royalty do.”
—
Ten years old, I listened attentively.
“…and Akos is an anagram for Kaos. And when someone, someday in the future, uses your full name unexpectedly, that will be when your life truly begins.”
The woman who had stopped to talk about my name was wearing the uniform of the domestic staff, but I didn’t recognize her.
“What’s your name miss?” I asked.
Not only was her face unknown to me, she didn’t ignore me like my mother’s actual employees.
“Shhh- you do know what an anagram is, don’t you?”
“It’s all the right letters, in the wrong order.”
“Perfect!” She bent down to kiss my forehead – a movement so unexpected I could only blink in surprise. “And why would you want to put the letters in the wrong order?”
“To hide something?”
“Yes, and I hide my Chaos in you, little Akos. Say ‘hail Eris’.” One side of her mouth quirked into a partial smile. “Eris is my name.”
“Hail Eris?” I said tentatively.
“Good boy. Kiss me.”
I obeyed, straining upward to awkwardly press my lips against the marble smooth skin of her offered cheek.
It was then that I began to see; the illusion of a servant’s garb faded.
“Remember,” she said, “the one who says your whole name. This one will think that you have passed their test, but really it will be the sign that they pass mine.”
The unclad figure before me was far more than a mortal woman and wonder bloomed in my young heart.
Automatically, I sank to my knees and raised my hands to her.
“Hail Eris!” I repeated with more feeling.
There was a gleam of wolfish joy in her eyes as the divine presence departed.
"Hail Eris," I whispered once more, unaware that my religious fervor was now observed.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
10-Another Twilight Chapter
“Have you forgotten your place? I don’t think anypony wants to repeat that lesson so soon. You wouldn’t know love if it bit you on the ass!” Twilight retorted.
Her absence, even an absence of cruelty, had weighed heavily on me, the gloom of this downward spiral. Despair led to dark comforts: new scars pulled my skin taught where none might notice.
“I know love when she kicks me in the stomach!”
“I said I was sorry, idiot!”
I paused for a slow breath as she snorted angrily.
“And I said that I forgive you,” I said at last.
“There’s no way that any of this is love. I just need… ahem… certain services. I didn’t want to be like this!”
“You’re the one who brought it up, I didn’t even say the word, today, until you did. Instead of assuming that I must be wrong, just hear my side.”
Now Twilight took a deep breath. Thank Celestia, the near argument was de-escalating.
“Hey, you got me there,” she said, “That is what I am supposed to be known for, isn’t it?”
“It is, your Highness, yes. Listening to what ponies have to say. Finding the cause of conflicts.”
“How do you even know that? This spell was supposed to be completely anonymous. How long have you been stalking me?”
“I grew up on stories about you ever since I was little. I thought they were just make believe until I met you.”
“How old are you? How long do your species live?”
“I’m twenty-seven. With public medical and luck we can live a century, maybe a bit more more, pretty easy. If you are in the ruling class, you have access to med that can keep you alive three centuries or longer.”
“I’m only twenty-six. How could you have heard these stories? I hadn’t done anything much when you were little because I was little too.”
“The stories date from centuries before I was born. Like five or six hundred years.”
“How? That’s impossible.”
“I don’t know, time travel? Prophesy? Fate? But imagine if you thought that Starswirl was an imaginary pony until you fought the shadow and he popped out of the vortex with his companions.”
“That’s not quite how it happened, but you actually know about that?” she asked, genuinely curious.
“I’ve heard how you save Equestria with your bare hooves, over and over. And you inspire other ponies to do incredible things.”
“So you think you fell in love with an imaginary pony?”
“Yes. And then one night she trotted into my dreams.”
“I kicked you.”
“I forgave you.”
“I kicked you repeatedly.”
“I forgave you repeatedly.”
“I did worse.”
“And I forgive you.”
“I might do it again.”
“I will forgive you again.”
“Why?”
“I love you.”
“This isn’t love, it can’t be, it can’t be! It can not be. Why is this even happening?”
“What happening, Princess?”
“Never mind! Will you shut up about love?”
“You asked , Princess. I’ve been trying not to say things that would make you feel pressured. I’d be semi-willing to discreetly fail to mention my feelings at all if you’d stop fixating on asking me to deny them.”
“Only semi-willing?” Twilight raised her eyebrows.
“Oh my Princess, if I could, if you would permit, I would shout it from the highest mountain in Equestria, and greet Celestia’s holy dawn by decrying my adoration in a voice of thunder that all ponies might—”
“Shut up, who do you think you are, William Shankspur? I get the picture. But that's not how we’re going to be doing this. Speaking of ‘doing’—” she was making a conscious effort to calm herself again “—how about you do me now? No coming without permission! And you can tell me a little about these stories you grew up with. Maybe it was a different Twilight Sparkle and not me at all. Maybe there are thousands of Twilights Sparkle in the multiverse.”
I put my arms around her and kissed her forehead, stroking her horn with my cheek. Moving my kisses to her lips, I found her mouth was sweet and her tongue gentle now that she was no longer voicing the rejection of my love.
“Maybe it really was a different Twilight, Twilight, I will tell you about my idol and we can compare.” I nibbled her ear, my cheek pressed against the softness of her coat now. I rubbed her shoulders and massaged the muscles at the base of her wings until she was swaying against me to the music of our shared heartbeat. All her tension had fled and even if her command was reluctant, her actions were eager.
“Yes, I will tell you of her. She is noble and strong, the blood in her veins is the pulse of magic incarnate, she is the champion of Equestria.” I was kissing her neck now, kneeling before her, reaching up to smooth her mane with my fingers. From the top of her head all the way down to her shoulders I smoothed and combed the blue and purple and pink locks.
“As the greatest of all Equestrian mages, she possesses power and lore unrivaled. She learns new spells with ease and molds them to her will.”
“She avoids quesadillas.” A slight frisson of dread passed through Twilight’s body at the mention of the cheesy culinary nemesis – the shiver continued as I reached back to trace the periphery of her marehood with feather-light fingertips. She leaned towards my touch and I pulled away, eliciting an involuntary whine from deep in her throat; her wings quivered, ready to spread out.
“On her shapely flank—” I brushed my fingers across her cutie mark and she wiggled against my touch “—a rose star with a white counterstar behind it is surrounded by five smaller white stars symbolizing her five great comrades.” I touched the smaller stars one at a time.
“When summer passes and fall ends, she begins winter by catching snowflakes on her nose.”
I dipped fingers into the warmth of her vagina and massaged the moisture into her labia and clitoris, slicking her hot cleft before sliding digits further in. Her wings flared all the way out now.
“Maybe this different Twilight lives in a different Ponyville.”
She was breathing harder now as I reduced the pressure of contact against her and slowed my penetrating fingers.
“And in this Ponyville, her comrades, the other element bearers, a different Fluttershy, Pinkie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity—”
She was ready, telegraphing her need in the rough urgency of her panting and the taut rigidity of her outstretched wings.
“—are her friends sticking with her through thick and thin.”
A single shuddering orgasmic precursor shook her body and ruffled her feathers.
“As the avatar of friendship, no pony is beyond her help.”
She was on the verge of detonation.
“Except one.”
I stopped teasing her and unleashed her orgasm with the touch and rhythm of my fingers, stimulating and sustaining her pleasure as long as I could.
“And maybe a different me could win her love,” I whispered as she moaned, oblivious to my words.
—
“Can’t you just say that this is purely physical?” Twilight was still panting as I stood very close behindher. “Get over your mindless fixation on the impossible and we can just be two consenting adults rubbing our genitalia together for moist mutual advantage. If you convince me that you’ll be good, I might even bring you to Equestria and let you do me for real instead of dream sex.”
“No, your Highness. I cannot practice untruth against you. I am greedy for every second of time I can possibly spend with you, but not at the expense of truth. If you cannot accept my love, please accept silence.”
I slowed my pace; she wasn’t quite ready and per her command I mustn’t come.
“Oh,” she said, “well I appreciate your insistence on honesty. That’s very sweet of you, and very stupid. Now get ready to start licking, I will trust you to do your best. Is that honest enough for you?”
“I guess I’m honored to be your living sex toy. In the name of honesty I confess that I want more, but as long as we are honest I will give you myself and hold nothing back.” I smiled. “Thank you for listening finally. I can’t ask for more than you want to give. But if you’ll at least be nice to me, I will serve you as best I can.”
“We should have had this talk sooner.”
“I tried, beautiful Princess.”
“You did. Kneel, Tangent, my toy. If you want to whisper sweet nothings of love, you can do it with your face in my plot where I can’t hear you.”
I did. I whispered love and adoration, praise and affirmation as I kissed and licked her. She didn’t silence me: she had given me permission this time. Instead she moaned and groaned her pleasure all the louder to drown out my voice. I grew louder as she did, and she reciprocated to my increase in volume.
At last she cried out, “I– oh-ohoh I- I- I- l- ooooooh!”
“You what, Princess?”
“I came,” she said primly. “Again. Now rise.”
Twilight turned around, eyes half lidded. Stepping closer to me, she kissed my navel.
“You’ve pleased me, human.”
She kissed me again, lower.
“Pleased me well .”
She kissed me lower still, just at the edge of my pubic hair.
“Love is out of the question, but I think you’ve earned this.”
She lowered her head further still.
“St-stop, stop please, Princess.”
She stopped, but her mouth was just millimeters from my cock, so inviting.
“Why?” she breathed her sweet warmth on my dick head, “what is wrong, my little human?”
“I don’t want you to do that unless you… well you know.”
“Why wait for what can never happen? I’m willing; you did well. Next time I may not be so—” she kissed me lightly and my cock throbbed at the gentle contact of her lips “—accommodating.”
“I will wait for love, my Princess, please. Are you ready for another?”
Author's Note
So the short story Selphian Dream takes place "sometime around" this chapter. Selphian Dream is posted elsewhere on account of being 100% Pony Free, so this is just a timeline note.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Dreaming had become a chancy business.
Sometimes my slumbers were filled with conflicted visions of abusive sex with the Pony Princess I’d been fixated upon since childhood. She wasn’t interested in anything but sex, and sex without love was leaving me feeling like a whore (without the pay). Nor did I refuse her; the moral high ground was not mine to claim.
When I wasn’t suffering her pleasures, I found adventure, unlikely tutelage, and some solace with my friend Leon. Pleasant, but when his fortunes turned around with the lady of his desiring, I would have only the conjurings of my own imagination to distract me between Twilight’s visits.
A handful of weeks stumbled past since the last nocturnal remission of solitude when magic once more pulled me to a place beyond mere slumber. On this night Twilight reclined on an opulent dais, a vision of beauty resplendent with jewels in her mane and gold on her hooves.
I knew I needed to draw a line somewhere but I kept on submitting to her whims: better trampled than abandoned. And though some actions in the dreams were affecting waking life –I had had the bruises to show for it on more than one occasion– I did not burden her with any complaint. Leon was probably right about the inherent risk of dreams that leak into reality. But every time I found that whatever she chose to do, I could not deny her.
“Are you ready to party as not even Pinkie can imagine, human?”
Twilight might just underestimate just how far a Pinkie Party might go, but, “yes, your Highness,” I responded.
Was it going to be friendly this time?
“Lick me until your tongue cannot move!” she commanded, sounding more like a horny and petulant dictator than the sweet, dorky, Twilight I longed for.
Obediently, I knelt before her pussy like a penitent longing for the Sacrament.
“And, um, remember to slow down for a minute or two after I climax it gets sensitive and you can be kinda vigorous.” That sounded more like my Twilight. It would, of course, be creepy to want her to be insecure, but it's really creepy when she boldly acts out of character.
I lowered myself and took communion of her lust.
—
She’d come two times and I was still going strong. Still, I prayed under my breath, “Princess Celestia give me grace to please this mare.”
“Eh, what are you mumbling down there?” Twilight rested a fore-hoof on the back of my head and pushed me tighter against her groin. “Time to get crazy!”
From the corner of my eye I could see her gesture with her other foreleg. Before I could wonder what was going on a pair of hands grabbed my hips! There was a pressure against my anus and I was being fucked and I didn’t know who by.
I jerked and wiggled but I was firmly grasped from behind and now both of Twilight’s fore-hooves holding my head down. I was trapped. There was a blinding moment of panic and then I found centre. I had, after all, agreed to ‘party’; so let us party. I would trust my princess, go along with to her little surprise, and simply do my best. I redoubled my efforts as I applied my tongue to clit and cleft.
“Yeahhhh!” she crooned, “lick it lick you mean it!”
It’s only a dream, I told myself, only a dream. I will serve my Princess to the utmost, I swore I would. If only she would just ask a little more specifically first. If she wants to watch me get nailed, I could have asked her to summon Leon. At least whoever Twilight had conjured up wasn’t hurting me, with firm, comfortable strokes as he pounded my ass. I surrendered to the moment and my body existed only to please them both.
Reconciled to my place, I opened my eyes, lifted my gaze to Twilight. She was looking down at me, exulting in her pleasure. There was a hint of curiosity – how was I reacting? What she saw in me was surrender and it pushed her further towards another climax.
,,I consent,,
There was no reply to my telepathic message, no indication whether she had received it or not.
Now she raised her eyes to look further away. I was on my knees to perform cunnilingus and from her elevated position on the dais she had a clear view of the cock fucking my ass. A anticipatory moan escaped her throat as she watched.
The unknown man’s solid thrusts drove me forward harder, pushing my whole face firmly against Twilight’s groin. I moved with his rhythm so that he was helping me deliver my oral worship to my princess’s pussy. She came a third time; again I slowed my attentions as she commanded. Soon I sensed that she was ready for more vigor and I returned my licking to full intensity, plunging fingers deep into her warmth. It was only a moment later she came a fourth time. There was an increase in the pace from behind and I felt that my other partner was close too. I kept one hand on my Princess and reached the other back between my legs to support and massage the stranger’s balls as he sodomized me. His grip had moved from my hips to my shoulders; his finger tightened and a groan of pleasure, a flood of warmth inside me, told me that he had come too. Soon he withdrew and Twilight released me.
With some trepidation I raised my face from the Princess’s lap and looked over my shoulder.
“Leon!” I shouted in surprise. I threw myself at him, kissed him hard. “Oh, I'm so glad it was you bro, I had no idea who was doing me.”
“Sorry, man, I thought this was your dream not hers!”
“Also, you taste like horse pussy,” he added in a stage whisper.
Twilight looked both amused and worn out.
“I take it you’ve met,” she said.
“Princess, this is Leon, a super cool demi-human former-dragon-priest turned adventurer, sword expert, magic user. He’s one of the protectors of the town of Selphia in the Norad federation and we’ve met in dreams before. Aren’t his fuzzy fox ears soooo sexy?” I made a feint for them with one hand and he easily blocked me but I parried, twisted around his defense and stabbed my hand past his to tousle his ears. “Fuzzy Wuzzy! Fuzzy Wuzzy!” I chanted, and Leon sighed but made no further effort to stop me. I am sure his priestly training gave him bonus skill points in forbearance, or maybe it was his afterglow that saved me. “Leon, this is Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, the Princess of Friendship and the divine avatar of magic in her world. I’ve had a crazy insane crush on her since I was a kid. In my world she was in a children’s story from ages ago, but she’s real! She found a way to cross our worlds in dreams and we, um, never mind. We hang out, I guess, and bang.”
“And you two are an item now? Deeply in love together? Soon to be wed?” he asked with false innocence. His tone was leading, he knew damn well things weren’t really groovy about our arrangement.
“--aaaaand he knows that will never love him” Twilight interrupted haughtily, “but he is honored to allow me to buck the hide off him here in dreamworld as much as I want. He has given his informed consent and can back out whenever he wants.”
“Merde , Highness.” Leon was unimpressed by her claim.
“Let me demonstrate.” Twilight was back to confidently being something that wasn’t really her. “Peasant! You’ve left a mess on Sir Leon’s penis. Clean it with your mouth.”
Leon was horrified, and I shocked by the reversion to outright abuse.
“No, Princess,” I said, realizing that I had found the line I would not cross, “I will not obey this command. You can play rough, you can strike me if you choose, and you can take advantage of my unrequited love, but don’t degrade me again. I love you, Princess. More than I even thought was possible. If I let you treat me that poorly I can never be worthy of you.”
“Well spoken, my friend,” said Leon before Twilight could respond to my refusal. “O Princess of Friendship I encourage you to ponder the worth of a friend, or even just a convivial fuck buddy, who is willing to stand up to you when you are wrong. Which you are, young mare, make no mistake. You need to face truth.” Leon may be retired but still he bore the power and charisma worthy of the priest of a holy dragon. Indeed, her fire burned in his eyes though he spoke in a voice gentle with wisdom and compassion.
“Which truth is that, my lord Fuzzy Wuzzy?” Twilight asked with dripping sarcasm.
Leon winced but he did not back down; I was shamed that she used my playful words to mock him.
“Your human friend loves you; as improbable and unwise and stupid and idiotic (I could go on longer) as that may be, he is true and sincere. That is but one half of the truth to which I allude.”
“I am not looking for love or truth!” The very fabric of the dreamscape shook with her hoofstomp.
There was something of sadness in Leon’s voice now. “Perhaps not. Sometimes in life we ask so little… and find we are given so much. Reach out for the bounty that is before you.” Now his tone shifted to a note of warning, prophetic and uncompromising. “Should you grasp less than everything you will find that you have nothing at all.”
“I will just find a new ‘fuck buddy’.” Twilight tossed her mane and scoffed but I thought I saw a tear in her eye.
I sank to one knee. Now there were tears in my eyes too.
“Princess Twilight, my Princess,” I begged, “it’s okay if you don’t care, please don’t do something stupid to prove you don’t love me…”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“I did something stupid to prove that I don’t love you.”
Twilight sounded like she had aged since I last saw her. Less haughty. Exhausted. And somehow she seemed more… herself .
Months had passed and I had begun to fear she really had found another plaything. Instead I found her sobbing, brokenhearted, in these shadows.
“Princess?”
We were in a darkened cathedral. Slime dripped inordinately from the walls, ceiling, and Twilight. It might have been my name she choked out between sobs.
“Did it work? Twilight, what happened?”
“No, it didn’t,” she said, defeated, “it really didn’t.”
Her head hung down, tears running down her face.
“I have tried everything to get rid of you. Everything! I have been a bucking monster and it didn’t work! So I stole a nightmare spell and cast it on myself to get you out of my head,” she continued. Her voice was rising towards hysteria. “It was worse than I expected. First thing that happened was I lost the ability to do magic or wake myself. I have been violated, penetrated, sodomated—”
“Not a word,” I interjected.
“Wut.”
“Sodomated isn’t a word.”
“I know it isn’t a word but it happened! To me. Fifty centimeters. Of tentacle. Sodomated right the buck through my concord purple anal sphincter, I thought it was going to grab my bucking tonsils! Thank Celestia it fit without tearing anything. And I can’t tell you how many litres of slime.”
“Would’ve been worse without the slime. And more of a imperial violet than concord purple. Just sayin’.”
“Celestia Dammit!” She stomped, “Why the bucking buck are you so bucked calm? I have found the deepest blackest pit outside of Tartarus prison, or even Tartarus proper, to hide from my feelings for you. And instead of pouting alone now I have you in my nightmare too. By the time they are done with your ass, and yes I do mean that literally by the way, you’ll hate me, you’ll never speak to me again, I’ll never see you again, my life is ruined. If we even make it out of here alive.”
“This is only a dream, my Princess.” And I had seen darker pits of despair than this. Consider the abuse I experienced at her hoof. “Share your fear with me, and gain strength from the sharing.”
“I’ve been stuck in here for days.”
Dear Celestia, no wonder she sounded like she was about to crack.
“I can hear the tentacles returning. I should warn you that they aren’t as gentle as yours were when I changed you. Also that was cliché as buck. Dork.”
She was right about tentacles and what they might do to my ass, but very wrong about hate. Side by side we writhed and struggled as tentacles went everywhere . I didn’t have as many everywhere as Twilight, but they were filled .
I wish Twilight could fill me like this, I thought idly.
—
Some whenever later Twilight and I lay gasping on the cathedral floor. The disturbingly penile tentacles had retreated to wherever, and we were covered thickly with unhallowed volumes of viscous tentacle fluids.
“Just remember, if these actually manage get you off, it doesn’t count.”
I nodded and spat semen.
“I’ve had better!” The retreating tentacles ignored my shout. They rested between attacks, presumably to avoid killing their victims too quickly, Twilight had told me.
“Princess,” I said after coughing up more gunk “did you kinda maybe obliquely say you like me?”
She looked rough from the tentacle session. “Yes. Now that it’s too late, I have admitted it to myself. I love you.” She wept bitterly. “I didn’t want this to happen! I didn’t want love. So when I felt it the instant I met you I told myself it had to be wrong. I was scared and tried to push you away and you wouldn’t give up and now it doesn’t matter and it’s too late.”
“Twi, who said it was too late?”
“What? Of course it is, don’t be absurd!”
“Why is it too late?”
“All this.” She gestured around us with a hoof, wiped gunk from her muzzle, flicked it off, sniffled. “You’re trapped in here because of me. I ruined everything because I was afraid.”
“Princess.”
I approached her on my knees, put my arms around her and held her tight. Twilight shivered in my embrace and her tears ran freely. I loosed my hold of her and began grooming the hair of her face with my tongue. I started at her chin, gently licking the semen from her purple coat. I moved my attention to her cheeks where the poignant salt of her tears seasoned my cleaning. I lingered on her lips, circled them and swept them of their defilement before I kissed her. I cleaned her nose, around her eyes and to her brows. Reaching her horn I started at the base of the rigid shaft licking and kissing it, sliding my lips up and down like it was an erection – unlike an actual cock Twilight’s horn was harder than a diamond-tungsten spear.
From her horn to her chin i had swallowed more tentacle cum cleaning her than I did in the hours of slimy mouth rape. But I got her face and horn somewhat clean. I sat with my back to the wall and beckoned her to me. Twilight lay her head in my lap like she was surrendering.
“Why were you scared, Princess?”
“It was too sudden, it’s not supposed to work like this. I figured I would eventually meet somepony, we’d read together and do research and friendship missions together for a few years and eventually discover love. I honestly thought I might end up with a nonsexual marriage and I was completely okay with that until I met you. I didn’t expect to get it on with my special one before I even knew his name.”
“I don’t care if we did the romance wrong, as long as we’re together now.”
“We did it wrong, but yes we are.” She spoke with simple, unshakable, confidence. “But if a pony showed up at a session describing their partner acting like I did, I would have put the patient in protective custody until the offender could be served with assault charges and a restraining order!”
“You do counseling?”
Twilight sat up and scooted next to me.
“My D.A.A. degree had a ginormous distribution, so I did three years of psych in college, including some clinical work. Though I don’t actively practice in an office, only field consultations during friendship issues.”
“See?” She smiled when she saw my quizzical glance. “You don’t know everything about me!”
“But I want to. Everything. What kind of degree is a D.A.A.?”
“Doctorate of All Arcana. It’s like a standard D.A. degree but it would take about five times as long. Unless you’re me, and then it only takes twice times as long. Tons and tons of magic, and almost everything else, too. The Princess joked about creating the D.A.A. when I told her I was going to get a D.A. in each school of magic and it just kinda snowballed and became real.”
“Wow, you’re incredible, they had to invent a new degree because there weren’t any big enough for you!”
“After I graduated, and then showed up at registration for more classes, security escorted me off campus. Don’t laugh—” I was chuckling “—I have to get a permit to enter campus whenever I do a commencement speech or a lecture.”
“So if you were content to wait for a long slow romance, what made you steal the spell that brought you to me?”
“A catastrophic wave of sexual need. I couldn’t think! I literally could not think – and thinking is what makes me, me! It was like I was somepony else, somepony horrible. I was dumb and horny and mean—” I put my arm around her shoulders, pulled her close “—and as I told you, masturbation was not taking care of it. That’s when I got the brilliant idea to raid Cadance’s scrolls, I was sure she’d have something that could help me. All I knew was I that had to get laid or I would have to kill myself.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“When I found myself checking out my brother I knew I was too close to cracking.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah. I thought that using the dream spell would be more responsible than mindless sex in real life. There’s a lot more to it, the whole reason I got like that, stuff I’m not ready to talk about.”
“It’s okay, Twilight. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”
“I do have to tell you – but not until I’m brave enough.”
“I probably made it harder for you by telling you that I love you so quickly.”
“Honestly, you did.” She shook her head with regret. “But it doesn’t excuse my behavior. ”
“I apologize for increasing your distress. And I certainly forgive everything you’ve done while suffering said distress.”
“I can’t blame you, I can only imagine. You’re just minding your own business and suddenly the mare you have a crush on wants a quickie. You must have been head over hooves – what’s the human expression?”
“Head over heels, Princess.”
“Head over heels, then, until I shot you down. And now here you are, stuck in my nightmare.”
Her tears were ready to flow again.
“It takes more than this—” I swept my arms expansively “—to scare me away from the mare I love.”
“Oh Celestia, this can’t be real,” Twilight whispered.
We were surrounded by puddles of demonic tentacle semen in a dark nightmare cathedral of copious slime but her expression was like a child seeing her first rainbow.
“Believe in me, Princess.” I kissed her nose again. “Now stop crying and let’s make love until its time to get raped some more. Then we’ll figure out how to bust out of here or start a new, very strange, life here together.”
“How can you think about sex right now?”
“Not much else to think about ‘round here.”
We laughed together then. Just a nervous giggle at first, a sardonic chuckle, then gales of uproar. Surrounded by horror and darkness and slime, the humor was cleansing.
We kissed in the dim gloom of an unhallowed, slippery, fane and our shared nightmare was a heaven.
I was glad the tentacles had not gotten me off while they were abusing me earlier. In seconds I had a raging hard on for my Princess. I moved my face a fraction further from Twilight so I could speak without breaking the kiss. “Princess,” I breathed into her mouth, “may I enter you as your lover and not just a peasant with benefits?”
“Take me, Tangent, my lover.” she whispered without taking her lips from mine.
I gazed into her eyes as I slipped my erect cock slowly into her.
“It’s even better now that, well, you know.”
“Now that I am not afraid to say I love you?”
“Yes, my world could not be more complete. You and me -and–woo-hee-hee-hah– and this tentacle up my backside. I was hoping we’d have a little more time together before it started again!”
“Before I’ve got too many of these things in my mouth to talk, I want to tell you again: I love you.”
“I love you, Prin-” I had to close my mouth against the two tentacles that dove at my face. “One at a time guys!” I spoke through my teeth. Picking one at random I opened up for it, licked it gently. Instead of getting them both crammed down my gullet the one I had chosen extended a few more centimeters but waited for me to suck it. As I slid my mouth on and off if the wiggling protuberance I noted that the other one was indeed waiting.
“Lookit this, Twi, If you show one of them some attention the others will take turns.” while I spoke the tentacle I had been sucking, and several more, grew impatient. I returned to my ‘favorite’ and gently gave it head. The others backed off again.
Twilight saw the advantage of giving a single tentacle specific attention versus being forcibly used by several. She followed my example. Every time one finished, it ejaculated and was replaced by a fresh one.
Another tentacle orgasmed, spewing its fluids on my face as it withdrew.
“Betcha,” I said to Twilight with a mischievous grin, “I can suck more of these off than you can.”
Twilight looked at me like I had gone insane. And then she caught it too – insanity was something she could handle.
“You’re on!”
Twilight and I tackled our impromptu competition with vigor, rapidly felating and draining tentacle after tentacle.
As above, so below: we were still coupled so Twilight’s pussy was safe but I was getting an anal probing that would have made a UFO medical officer wince and I could only trust Twilight was getting the same treatment in her bum. And I knew that as soon as I came, and softened, I would pop out and she’d be getting tentacled there too.
“This.” Twilight spoke around the tentacle she currently focused on. “What is happening right now. Is completely bonkers.”
“I know, Princess. It kinda” I paused as another tentacle ejaculated in my mouth. I spat and another took its place for me to mumble around, “makes me feel bad.”
“Elaborate, please—?” She was cut off by another wiggler socketing itself in her mouth.
“For any the effort I ever wasted on sanity.” In spite of the double-ended distraction of satisfying an unending string of tentacle-dicks I was getting close and Twilight would not be able to rely on me to ward her pussy with my prick once I was spent and flaccid.
Twilight looked away, shook her head to disengage her current client, and spoke to nopony that I could see “Luna?” she said “Oh thank Cel–”
Poit!
She was gone in a flash of dark blue magic.
Now the occupants of the cathedral were just me and several kilometers of slithering tentacles. They writhed in confusion that one of their prey had vanished.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, placing my hands in the kata position. Speaking in a bare whisper, I mouthed words of the Lost Bodhisattva's mantra,
“I am I
“Ok you wiggly bitches!” I shouted, “my Princess is safe from you now and I got just one thing to say.”
Twilight had escaped and I had nothing else to fear from a dream. Let them, let me encourage them to, do their worst.
The slitherage paused. Obviously something sentient somewhere was listening to me.
A thousand eager tentacles poised ready, but she was safe and this didn’t count.
“You can’t tentacle rape the tentacle willing! YAHHH!”
They surged.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Twilight woke in a hospital bed to the sound of raised voices.
“…told you she needed a doctor and not a veterinarian! My mother is a pony not an animal!” Spike glowered down at Fluttershy. If Discord was the type to wear pants she would have climbed into his pocket – a hiding place made rather more attractive by the fact that he was not present.
“Calm down mister The Dragon,” said the pony in the white jacket, “Thank you for coming so quickly your Highness.”
“Of course, doctor, we betook ourſelf hither instanter.” Luna stepped into view. “Twilight. Dost know us? Is thy mind whole?”
“Luna…? Thank goodness, you saved us. How long was I out?”
“Three days!” called Pinkie from her vantage on the ceiling outside the room.
“I have to go now.” Fluttershy spoke like she was in a daze, but she moved quickly. Nopony even noticed, all eyes were on Twilight and Luna.
“We know.” Luna’s eyes were big and solemn, full of dreams and loss. “We know what dream thou hast dreamed and wilt speak of the matter later. But sleep without dreams anon.” Gently she touched Twilight’s brow with the tip of her horn.
Twilight slept, and for her there were no more tentacles.
As her eyes closed she let slip a word that meant nothing at all to the concerned ponies surrounding her. But the way she spoke it…
—
In an odd corner between dimensions a creature had waited.
No living entity of flesh and blood, th is being was drawn into existence by the practice of forbidden magics.
In the dark it waited patient centuries for its first prey.
When the purple princess fell into its grasp, the torment already writhing within in her guided the creature’s own tortures to her most unwelcome vulnerabilities. The arrival of a second unfortunate hardly changed its plans – the process of breaking a mind was only just beginning and so many interesting things had already been revealed in her psyche. What more might emerge? Loss of the first victim kindled its appetite to explore the remaining prey’s uttermost mysteries.
—
“We did leave her safely resting at Ponyville General Hoſpital. She will be fine.” Luna’s stern, confident, mien belied the turmoil she felt. “Silly, silly, foal.”
“Gramercy, sister, and a thousand thanks be!” Celestia’s worry, and relief, were more than evident. “What in Equestria hast she gotten herself entwined in?”
“’Twas one of those blaſted curse scrolls created by master Starſwirl. It was found left behind in his tower when he fought Stygian’s Shadow and ne’er returned an age ago. We have kept these materiel locked up pending eventual analyſis, but clearly not secured well enough. After Twilight rescued him, we allowed him to believe that his weapons had been deſtroyed during his long abſence. In this curse, he spawned the exiſtence of an actual sapient being just for some addlepated revenge scheme of his against a rival. The dream space lies in a dungeon dimension lying beyond the realm of the nighted throne else we had known of this traveſty sooner.”
“Damn his lights, ‘twas irresponsible. And doubly so of Twilight, surely we have taught her better than that.” Celestia frowned.
There be some things thou hast not taught her at all, Luna thought.
“We cannot shield her without undermining our own authority,” the elder diarch said, “there must needs be consequences.”
“We shall accept full reſponsibility on the grounds of our inſufficient safeguards.”
“Neigh, thy security spells are not in question, sister. Nopony alive, save Twilight or I, hast the might needed to breech thy wards. We must have Cadance audit her own spells too.”
Luna was gazing thoughtfully into space, hesitating before she brought up an inexplicable detail of the rescue.
“Siſter mine, Twilight expreſsed her gratitude for the reſcue of ‘us’ but verily we only reſcued one from the nightmare.”
“‘Us’? Wert there another pony trapped with her?”
“We ken not. Twilight spake an odd name.”
And there was a wound on her shoulder, almost healed.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
A thousand eager tentacles were poised around me. They surged forward as my yell faded. And then stopped again. The ones already tangled around me retreated. With a pop one slid out of my ass without even spilling its load; the one I had been licking in preparation for felation slithered away.
A robed figure stepped from behind a pillar.
“I need your help,” he said.
“Was sexually abusing my Princess your very best idea for asking?”
“In defense of the indefensible, until shortly ago I did not know what I was doing was wrong. I did not know that my entire existence was evil. I owe you, and your pretty mare friend, my gratitude.” He sank to his knees. “Please help me.”
“Whoa, hey, whoa! What the buck, rape-master? Explain yourself.”
“I am the lord of this small, dark, and moist realm. I have little knowledge of greater realities. As best I can comprehend I was created by an angry mage to trap his enemy for torment in this dream until the enemy's body died. I have power over dreamers, the ability to bind them, the ability to look inside a dreamer’s mind that I might learn their fears. When you and the purple one stopped fearing me, I lost my view into your thoughts. But I had already seen enough to conclude that my task and my purpose is ill.” He paused. “I choose to defy my mad creator.”
“Um, wow, it really sounds like you’ve had an epiphany. What do you suggest we do now?”
“I do not know how to prove my sincerity. Honestly one of the best ideas I have is that I ask you to wake up in the room where the scroll containing the spell that created me is, and burn it. That way you don’t need to worry if I really will change, and I am willing to stop existing as a moral improvement over hurting others.”
“Will burning the scroll set you free from your creator’s vile designs?”
“I don’t think I could exist outside this spell; it would be the end of me.”
I paused for thought. “I am going to guess the scroll must be in Twilight’s magic laboratory in Ponyville Castle. Meaning I would have to exit the dream and wake up in a different place than where my body is currently sleeping. Can you do that?” Hastily I added, “and I’d need to be a pony.” Might as well ask for the world, if this creature had the magic to do it.
“Easily. Easier done than said. I was given immense power in the dream world with the thought that I would use it to abuse my victims with their greatest fears. I believe I can turn my spells about to reveal what your pony form would be in the pony world. Shall I do so immediately?”
“A moment. Are you really okay with ending your existence like this?”
“I am. I choose my own death over tormenting those who have done no wrong. Convey my regretful apologies to your luscious lavender lover for the indignities she has suffered in my realm. Tell her I will embrace death to turn aside from my creator’s purpose.”
“I commend you. You are brave for one who has just had their world turned upside down.”
“’Tis hardly upside down at all. I have literally known nothing but evil and when shown good for the first time ever, I gladly die for it. My world is finally turned right side up.”
“Have you a name that we may remember you and your choice?”
“I was not given a name by my creator; I have never needed one.”
“I name thee Lord Naughtious. Wake me.”
He winced at the name I gave him, but true to his word–
I woke in a room that could only be Twilight’s laboratory in her castle – Naughtius’ powers were profound indeed: I was a pony.
“Oh.”
“My.”
“Celestia.”
I was really a pony. For a moment I simply stood, getting used to the new body shape and simple how to stand in one place without falling over. I closed my eyes and lifted one foot at a time, feeling how my balance shifted. Opening them again, I turned my head to look around there was a sense of extra weight above my brow. Crossing my eyes I could just barely see a horn springing upward from the centre of my forehead. Magic! I grinned at the implications. I wondered if… no, impossible! I hardly dared, but I looked over my shoulder – and saw wings folded on my back. This was too epic to contemplate – Twilight loved me and my pony form was a Alicorn like her! My heart raced as my weltanshauung pivoted to accommodate this development.
With effort I turned my attention to the task at hand.
A scroll, precisely fitting the description Lord Naughtious had given me, lay on an iron reading stand. I would hide it and seek out Twilight. I could explain to Naughtious later why he did not cease to exist.
I took a step towards it and landed on my nose after tripped on my own hooves. I would need to learn to walk on four legs. Cautiously I picked myself up and found myself looking Fluttershy in the eyes. Well, not really because her eyes were blank white and glowing. It was no surprise when her voice was in the wrong register and had an echo.
“Your decision to hide the scroll rather than destroy it is wise. Send yourself back to the nightmare world, and thence to your own world, and we will hide the scroll for you.”
“Thank you… Fluttershy?”
“I speak through many mouths, mortal. The mare Fluttershy is not privy to this conversation although I borrow her form.”
“Who are you?”
The name she spoke was not familiar to me. At the same time it resonated with the absolute quintessence of the place I yearned to call home.
“Hear my command to you. The creature of the nightmare world can teach you to hide your Alicorn nature, and it is imperative for Equestria, and for the pony you love that none know your secret so long as you live.”
“I can’t even tell Twilight? Ever?”
“For her good too, you must treasure this secret in your heart until your dying breath is cold on your lips. Do you doubt her love if you appear to her as a ‘mere’ earth-pony? Would you question my love for any tribe of ponykind?”
Of course I did not, but I didn’t like the deceit, and said so. “I mis-like secrecy and lies. Know that I will not be used against Twilight. I will not be used against Equestria.”
“Your service to Equestria is what I must count on. I will rescind my demand if ever I am able to do; I see much, but not all. My sister will aid thee by three white stones – let that be the sign of my power even though mere power prove not my troth. It is enough if I gain your obedience now. Your faith will follow and it will be enough, for I shall be with you always.”
“I shall obey. But what if I am discovered?”
“Then you will still the tongues of those who know -however you may- lest they wag, knowing that Twilight’s life and the fate of all Equestria hang in the balance.”
The entity controlling Fluttershy’s body held up the scroll and I read it. I don’t think it expected me to remember the spell, but I committed it to memory.
Immediately I was back in Lord Nautious’ nightmare. Still a pony. An Alicorn pony.
“I’m back! I have a friend, I think a friend, hiding your scroll so you will neither be destroyed nor used as a weapon. I hope you can bear the burden of such existence?”
“Indeed, I thank you for the unexpected reprieve. I may yet find a way to do good with myself. How may I repay you?”
“Please, there can be no question of payment or quid pro quo between us, there are too many shenanigans afoot already.” I looked down. “Ahoof, as it were. But I would have you as ally. If you were kindly inclined there are some things you can help me with.”
“Say on.”
“I have been advised that you can help me learn spells to hide my wings and my horn – and further advised that it is imperative that I learn this skill. I also hope I can use your world to practice flying and walking in this body. And I really hope you are willing to let me use your world as a back door between my world and Equestria.”
“Consider these things done, done, and done – but you will need access to the scroll. Do you know where your confederate hides it?”
“Neigh, but I have memorized the spell. I wonder if you can truly be destroyed so long as I live.”
“Fascinating. I would guess that your memorization will give you access to my realm so long as you have power, but I am still at risk if the scroll is destroyed. I will ask that you keep this path between worlds a secret.”
“More secrets,” I sighed. “I know not what intrigues swirl bout me. At a later time I will move your scroll to a safe place known only to me. Once I find it. Are you able to help me transform between Alicorn and human form, as I was told?”
“I can do that, and I can teach you to do so without aid. If you retain a vestige of your horn even when human you will have a link to Alicorn power. I can teach you enough that you won’t need my help.”
“This is superb, Naughtius. Do you want to start teaching me now?
We practiced. There were motions and words, complex to memorize. Several times Naughtius had to help me when I mis-transformed. After several successful transitions from Alicorn to human and back I stood before him in Alicorn form.
“Naughtius, Naughtius! Look, I can skip this part” I demonstrated a gesture he had shown me “and the words that go with it if I visualize a certain colour of light. And some of the other words, I don’t even have to say them out loud I can think them if I use the right voice in my head.” I completed the spell and stood before him in human form. A tiny nub of horn barely invisible in my hairline maintained access to my power.
“You are a natural. Soon you will surpass anything that I can teach. But you must rest soon. Next time we meet, we can work on disguise spells.”
“Dammit, I wish I could study magic with Twilight. She is the greatest mage in her world. I have promised a mysterious god that I will keep my abilities secret.”
“Plots and secrets outside this realm are beyond me.” He shrugged. “But what I do know is that you must be aware that these spells will eventually change your lemnic form for any species that you transform into often. A more powerful magic user could teach you better methods than I can. Until you learn, or create, better spells don’t transform into something you hate for pranks – it might stick to you.
“Thank you for the warning; I have not made any changes I would not gladly keep.”
Satisfied, I moved between worlds again to Twilight’s lab. I dug through a bin of supplies until I found a blank scroll with similar parchment to the scroll that held the spell for Lord Naughtius’ realm. I propped it up on the reading stand, and ignited it. Reduced to ash and a couple of charred corners, it was impossible to tell that they were not the remnants of Naughtius’s scroll. With any luck nopony would miss him.
Back in Naughtius’ world I realized he was right: I was weary from the day’s magic. I had to ask him for help returning to human form. After changing me he raised his hand and instead of his voice I heard my alarmer bleeping its staccato annoyance.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“You actually hired a lawyer?” Celestia asked when she saw Twilight and her companion enter the courtroom.
“Nopony will be able to say you sent me to the oubliette without competent defense. Even in my guilt I protect your reputation.”
“I won’t be sending anypony anywhere, I recuse myself from the case due to my close ties to the defendant. Justice Harshwhinny will hear the case.”
“Ohshit,” Twilight blurted. She had assumed Celestia herself would pronounce judgment upon her – and she had not expected her mentor to go easy on her. “I mean to say, her absolute impartiality is well known. And respected. And feared.”
Before Celestia could reply the Bailiff hollered, “All rise! Her Honor, Judge Harshwhinny, presiding!”
“Be seated,” Harshwhinny said as she sat. “Miss Sparkle, you are familiar with all the charges against you from the prosecution’s filings?”
“Yes your honor.” Twilight made eye contact with her counsel (he nodded) and steeled herself. “I’d like to plead guilty to all charges and get this over with.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. We’ll go through them one at a time. But first I want to know why. Few ponies know better than you the dangers of unregulated magic. Please explain to the court why you circumvented the protections surrounding a very dangerous spell scroll?”
“Your honor, I object.” Twilight’s lawyer nodded again as she spoke. This was exactly what they had planned despite the unexpected change in adjudicator. “Because I will be pleading guilty to the actions I am accused of, the question of motivation is not germane to the issue of my guilt.”
Her Honor considered Twilight’s argument, but before she could give a determination, Crown Counsel rose. “If we submit the charge of treason, intent, as well as action, becomes a relevant avenue of inquiry.”
Celestia frowned but said naught. She couldn’t understand why Twilight had trifled with such an evil spell but she did not like the hardball angle Crown Counsel was taking to find out. ‘Progressive rule’ or no, a fully independent Crown Counsel was sometimes an unlubricated pain in the plot.
“You are out of order.” Harshwhinny was stern. “Any shenanigans regarding capital charges should have played out before you reached my courtroom. If we had had a jury seated simply mentioning treason would have been grounds for the defense to ask for a mistrial. For now, this session is adjourned until I can discuss the admissibility of intent in camera. Bailiff, bring Miss Sparkle to my office in fifty minutes time, I have some case law to look up first. If you can’t convince me that my question is inadmissible I will have no choice but to find you in contempt unless you give answer to the demands of the court.”
—
When Twilight arrived, Miss Harshwhinny had removed her robes and wig to reveal a crisply businesslike suit, exactly two shades darker than her coat. Volumes of case law -precedent stretching back over a score of centuries- was spread out on her desk.
“Twilight, I’m sorry to be meeting with you, of all ponies, in this venue. Lets get this hammered out. Anything we discuss here is in absolute confidence. I am subject to stricter privacy requirements in that regard than even your counsel. Now spill it. Give me a reason why your motivations -regardless of what they were or which charges you plead to- should be off limits to inquiry. I’ve been doing my research, and I will accommodate you if the law supports it.”
Twilight took a deep breath.
“Your Honor, I do not wish to embarrass the crown with formal inquiry,” she had Harshwhinny’s attention for sure, “but it is my belief that I was receiving libido suppressant medication without my knowledge, probably starting around the time of my puberty. When I confronted my court physician and ceased the treatment, um, things got a little hairy, I did some dumb stuff, but I ended up meeting a male my own age.”
“A ‘male’?” Harshwhinny interrupted. “Not a stallion?”
“His species is generally considered, incorrectly, to be a mythical creature – a ‘human’ like in dreadful fairy tales. But precisely what he is doesn’t matter viz my crimes. While I was confused about my feelings I stole Luna’s spell in the hopes of forgetting about him in the nightmare world. I didn’t realize it was a trapped spell, I was being foalish and impulsive. And I certainly would not have left a dangerous spell unsecured if I had not ended up in the hospital. I’m just glad the scroll was destroyed when Luna broke the spell to rescue me.”
“I see. So her Highness’s infamously chaste ingénue abruptly discovers she is a mare with needs.”
“Infamous?”
“I don’t suppose you read Gnus of the World or the National Esquirer ?”
“The tabloids? Goodness, no, your honor. Why would you read such drivel?”
“It’s a purely functional vice, I assure you. Reading something even more stupid than some of the arguments brought before me helps me maintain my professionalism. Be that as it may, you’ve featured in their pages as an inaccessible heartbreaker more than once.”
“Humph. Due to the chemicals coursing through my bloodstream I was effectively under-aged despite my actual calendar age. Any brokenhearted assholes can shove it.”
Harshwhinny chuckled. “Do you still wish to forget the fellow?”
“No your honor. He is my life. I just need to deal with the fallout from my mistakes and move on with life. With him. Hence my intent to plead guilty to my crimes. My only reticence is that I must not reflect ill on her highness. And that is why I will not testify regarding my reasons.”
“If the shoe fits…” Harshwhinny began.
“Your honor, surely you have seen that I am quite, shall we say, fanatical. Equestria is my religion and Celestia’s throne my altar. Allow me to point out that while the charges I face include some stupid and illegal stuff, none of it put her at any risk. My worst crime towards her highness is that I put her valuable tool, my person, in harm’s way. If she has diced with my life, I choose to forgive her and there will be no public spectacle on my account.”
“Does her highness know of your discovery? Or what an expenditure you make of yourself to spare her the scandal?”
“No,” Twilight said. She spoke softly now, like she was lost. “I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding like an accusation.”
“Do you have any idea why you were medicated without consent?”
“No clue, your honor. I don’t know if I did something sexually inappropriate when I was so young that I can’t remember it, or if she was raising me to be some kind of virgin sacrifice.”
“Too late for that, eh?”
“Well and truly.” Twilight couldn’t resist a smile at the memories and then she sobered. “I might have ruined decades of her effort.”
“Her Highness has lived long enough to spare a few decades. And if her little project is your life, what about your own right to self determination?”
“I don’t know. I just want to be with Tangent and worry about the questions of the ages later.”
“Point taken, Princess. If you’d like to talk about your relationship situation outside of my official capacity, you can look me up any time of the day or night and I can promise you a sympathetic, discreet, and dare I say it—” she grimaced self-effacingly “—somewhat experienced ear. In my official capacity I sustain your argument: your motivation is not relevant to the specific charges Her Majesty’s Crown Counsel has actually brought before me. Precedents set by the last King’s law master clearly delineate the avenues of questioning that are opened in a treason case. To be clear: if treason had been on the docket you would endure questioning on your motivation and you would answer under duress of contempt. I will announce this in court tomorrow. If the crown, or rather her enthusiastic counsel, wants to bring charges of treason into the mix they will need a legitimate reason to call for a mistrial to bring forth new charges. This is your hint to make certain your side does not give them justification to plead mistrial.”
—
The next morning in court her honor announced her decision, and naturally Crown Counsel objected.
“Your honor, I object. We expected freedom to question the accused!”
“And I expected you to follow proper legal process. For simple charges of magic misappropriation, and the related charges you filed, the law does not compel the accused to give a reason for their actions. You may ask any pertinent question you like about actions, not motivations.
“This is outrageous!” Crown Counsel smacked a folder down on the table.
“This is the law. It is a rather fine point of law I’ll grant you, but one I expect you to follow. Furthermore, thirty metres straight down beneath our hooves in the eternal stone of Mount Albion—” the courthouse stood on the shoulders of the same mountain that supported Canterlot Castle “—is a row of cells. One more outburst and I will allow you the privilege of spending forty eight hours in one of them meditating on courtroom etiquette.”
“I apologize for the outburst, your honor.”
“Be certain you do not do it again. You may proceed if you are ready.”
“I pray the court grant a short recess.”
“Granted.”
—
When the recess ended, further objections were fairly heard but each was overruled.
One by one the charges were read and Twilight plead guilty to each.
“Trespass?” Judge Harshwhinny looked at the Crown Counsel
“Yes, your Honor.”
“Well that’s a far cry from capital treason. Scraping bottom, eh? Princess Luna, regarding the charges of trespass in your chambers and magic collection. Do you wish to press this charge?”
“Neigh, your honor, I decline to press charges.” Luna spoke without her typical plural. “But I do pray this court grant permission to apply a firm noogie to the defendant’s purple scalp.”
“Objection, your honor!” cried Twilight as she put her forelegs up to protect herself.
Legate Dewy whispered in her ear.
“Um, objection retracted, your honor,” she said in a small voice.
“Any noogies in my court will be provided by the Bailiff. And neither plaintiff nor witness nor victim is outside the scope of his duty.”
—
During the sentencing phase, the Crown Counsel asked “Princess Luna, you’ve heard the defense account of what happened to your cursed scroll. Can you give your expert opinion to the court?”
“Your Honor,” said Luna, “I would describe the defense theory as entirely possible, to be frank I would personally opine it likely, but currently unprovable. It certainly took a significant exertion for me to free the defendant from the trap – based on my personal experience and professional knowledge of breaking spells this could indeed have destroyed the spell scroll, and we do point out the evidence of the charred parchment that was found. I do not have enough information about it to tell you how we could know for sure. The full nature of Starswirl’s spell was unknown and he is not available for meaningful questioning. Hence my storage of the scroll in what I thought to be a secure location.”
“Anything more?” Harshwhinny had detected a slight hesitation in Luna’s testimony.
“So please it Your Honor, we pray thou order not the bailiff to noogie us for for our insufficient security.”
“Your Highness, your security was compromised through a violation of trust. That is beyond the competency of this court and must be addressed within royal circles. I will address the legal penalties; whether trust can be reëstablished is another matter entirely and outside the purview of my bench.”
In the end, Twilight’s sentence included an indefinite prohibition against using dream magic, community service, and worst of all (showing how well Her Honor Miss Harshwhinny understood the guilty party) fifteen minutes in a newly appointed time out corner.
—
After her time out was over, Twilight took off the pointed hat and skulked out of the courthouse. There, she chanced to meet Luna pacing on the steps outside.
“Princess, I’m sorry—”
“Shhhhhh, young princeſs,” the mare of dreams said, “there is nothing to apologize for. If thou should ever require any thing in our orbit, it is thine for the taking. But we beg thee: uſe more care.”
“Yes, Princess.”
Twilight bowed; when she raised her head, Luna was gone.
—
With the trial resolved, the Crown Counsel, soon to be former Crown Counsel, barely had time to celebrate their legal victory before the scientists at the south pole research station in Pranceartica found themselves saddled with a new legal liaison officer.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Leoooooo!” I squealed and jumped up so I could throw my arms around his neck.
“She loves me!”
I kissed his cheek.
“She loves me!” I repeated, and kissed his other cheek.
“And she admitted it!” I squeezed him once more and stepped back. “Uh, I guess that means that I…”
“Normally I’d say no fair throwing yourselfall over me and not following through, but I’ll let it go since you have an actual official relationship—” he paused “—and I do too!”
“Wow, great! Did you hooked up with that Avani lady? She break up with the other dude you told me about?”
“Hook up, yes. Break up, no. (I told you, his name is Dylas.) And no, none of this is weird at all, you little freak.” But he smiled and tousled my light purple hair. “Nice dye job, I can’t even see roots.”
“Woah, vee or triangle? And it’s magic not dye. I’m finally learning the craft. Practice?”
We now held blunt edged dummy swords.
“Vee, definitely vee.” He raised his blade, gestured for me to attack. “She’s, uh, having him tonight. And I know that the guy who is in love with a purple pony is not going to give me a bad time about sharing the most wonderful woman in my world.”
“Not after the way you and Twilight were sharing me! I’m not that kind of hypocrite.”
“That was a one time thing, and a bit of a misunderstanding. I thought you were cool with it. I thought it was your dream, not hers.”
“I am totally cool with it with you sweetie – I only panicked for a moment when I didn’t know who was back there. As it was I put aside my fear and enjoyed it while I tried to please my princess.”
Leon grimaced.
“You should try it.” I quipped “while you’ve got the opportunity.”
“If miss Avani wishes to be entered by myself and Dylas both at once,” he said softly, “I will obey her need. But I will not propose such a tryst.”
“I meant you in the middle, silly,” I laughed.
Leon shuddered but did not dignify the suggestion with a reply. Instead he focused on a beating attack; I backed away and parried frantically. When my sword flew from my hand he formally touched my chest with the tip of his.
“My point. Tell me how things are going with pony. She was not exactly a paragon of kindness when I met her, but you say she loves you?”
I sighed at the confusing memories as I retrieved the weapon, my magic pulling it back to my hand before it even hit the ground. “It’s a weird story, man. I haven’t even told you some of the stuff she put me through. But I gotta tell you the new stuff. Put on your father confessor hat.”
“I’m retired,” he said. “Laid-off, if you prefer. My deity eliminated my priestly role to protect me from the risks of protecting her. And, yes, I am fully aware of the painful irony of that statement. Your point, nicely done.” I knew damn well that in a real fight, he could use his left hand nearly as well as his right.
“Yeah, I know, man, pardon my flippancy I’m still totally giddy. Anyway, she cast a nightmare spell, which I guess she stole, on herself to hide from the feelings she didn’t want to confront. After she’d been trapped for days in a dream full of rapacious tentacles, I got sucked into the nightmare with her. We talked in between tentacle sex attacks and ended up giggling a lot and having a tentacle sucking contest. Giving a rape monster blowjobs together is a normal way of celebrating the start of a relationship, right Leon?”
“Yeah, no. That’s pretty unique, but props for getting creative with the resources at hand, bro. Personally I would have recommended a café, maybe a bottle or three of wine.”
“Tentacles were indeed resources at hand, as you said. And at ass. And at mouth.”
“If you say so.”
“Are you going to admit you were wrong?”
“Are you? Nobody should tolerate abuse. Your example of ‘the power of true love’ could get someone killed.”
“But I was right in the end!”
“You were wrong to follow that path to the end. Enabling an abuser usually ends poorly.”
“Okay, listen Leon, she hasn’t explained everything to me, but there was some kind of magic or something messing with her head. She says she wants to tell me about it when she feels brave enough.”
“I concede that this might make it less cut and dried than you had led me to believe. But did these malign influences make it impossible for her to do the right thing, or merely more difficult?”
“I don’t know, man.”
“Nor do I. Do you think you will be able to be with her in real life? Or just magical dreams?”
“I don’t know for sure if that is possible, if she has that much power. I know she’s insanely good at magic. I stepped into her world for just a minute and I think it was real and not a dream, so maybe its possible. Hey, hey, I gotta tell you about this…”
I recounted what had happened on my brief visit to Equestria, the goddess speaking through Fluttershy’s body, demanding secrecy. I told him everything, receiving a number of hits as I did so. And landing some too.
“The point is, buddy, I would do anything for Twilight’s sake or for the good of Equestria—” I parried after a feint that would have tricked me just a few months ago “—but I don’t want to be used against her.”
“Be wary, of course.” said Leon “I think it is more likely that the being you spoke to truly means good. But without full disclosure, how can we know? Trust but stay alert. I’d suggest you tell this princess of yours that you have a secret that you have been told you must keep for the good of the realm. She should understand. And her insight may be the saving of you if you are deceived to ill ends.”
“Wise counsel, thank you.”
“Or at least if it all goes to shit she’ll know you did not betray her on purpose as fire rains from the sky and Equestria sinks into the sea.”
“And that's a really chilling thought. I hope talking to you wasn’t a violation of her command.”
Leon formally raised his weapon vertical, signaling the end of the bout, then stabbed his practice sword into the ground.
“C’mere,” he said, taking my hand when I stepped closer.
Leon guided my hand to his groin, with his free hand he cupped my testicles as I held his.
“L- Leon?” I stuttered, my heart pounding.
“I swear,” he said, looking into my eyes, “I swear by my balls that I will protect your secret with my life. I call upon Lord Ventu to witness my oath, I swear before—” he spoke the name of the pony goddess with due circumspection.
“Amen, and thank you, Leon.”
It may have been accidental, but he caressed me lightly as he pulled his hand away; I had not yet removed my hand.
“You gonna miss me?” he smirked, his gravity of only a second ago replaced by bawdy humor.
“Yeah, I think I kinda am.” My hand still hadn’t moved. “But not too much!”
“You fuckin’ goof,” he chortled. “But seriously, have you ever been with a woman in real life?”
“Never, bro.”
“Okay, listen. Honesty, patience – absolutely critical. You know that much right? Bah, someone is waking me up. One more thing – even though she started things off with you as a purely physical thing don’t assume unlimited access to her body! Let her set the…” he was fading out of the dream.
“…pace.” I guessed the last word for him. “Good insight Leon!” I called.
—
Leon shook Dylas’ arm from his shoulder as Tangent's last words faded from his ears.
“Are you here early to gloat? Our patrol doesn’t start for a quarter hour and I can be ready in three minutes!”
It took him four minutes, slowed by the bruises from a night’s sword practice, distracted by the memory of the awkwardly intense parting.
“That kid,” Leon mused to himself as he jogged to the city gate with Dylas, “that dumb kid just might be alright after all.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
For the next weeks I slept eagerly every night, hoping to meet Twilight in dreams. Instead I spent my nights in the realm of Lord Naughtius, practicing my magic. Several times I blipped into Equestria for a moment, but I did not like any risk discovery. If Twilight’s safety truly hinged on secrecy, I must submit to that need. Soon I could not only render my wings and horn invisible, I could cast a field of aversion around them so that nopony would bump into them, discover tactilely what they must not see. When I grew tired from magic I would practice walking and running on four legs until I felt I could stroll through Ponyville at Twilight’s side without staggering like a ciderhead being escorted to the drunk tank.
Weeks turned to months; the elation of her love could only sustain me so long. Did that really happen? Did she mean it? Depression crept back, and soon despair. I plumbed the depths of Nautius’s knowledge until I could cast even his darkest spells with a vehemence that frightened the magical creature. Of lighter spells I still knew nothing, such were not in his repertoire.
Out of respect for the service Nautious had done me I stopped visiting his realm. Instead I turned to darker tuition that I might increase my skill without traumatizing a friend. My knowledge of the dark stacks came into play: for the sufficiently avid student the pages will turn themselves.
Time crept onward and with the despair now came intrusive thoughts of an unfinished deed. I’d not need to fool my protector again: he still lay dormant and inactive, the ‘just a second’ of my deceit stretching into its second year. But with magic came the ability to evade his imposed safety had he been present to impose it. In the blink of an eye I could be outside the world and in another I could be beyond loneliness. Why had she abandoned me? The answer came before my speculation turned to action.
One night as soon as I slept I found myself soaring through night skies with Twilight. A vast city, my soulless home town, spread its vain lights far beneath us.
“Sorry for taking so long,” she said, “I was unwell after Luna woke us from the nightmare world. And I am in all kinds of trouble with her Majesty Celestia. There was a formal hearing and everything. In court! And the crown council actually pressed charges – they threatened to call it treason. I’m not allowed to use dream magic anymore, I have community service to do, and they even gave me a time out!”
I asked Twilight “Are we still…”
“Lovers? Yes!” she laughed and tossed her head. The wind blew her mane and ruffled her feathers. “Let me show you something!”
She angled her wings slightly and drew a few hands further away from me. A purple glow spread from her horn suffusing her whole body. In few seconds she had changed from Alicorn form to demi-human with wings, pony ears, tail, and horn. The horn was smaller than her pony form, but more noticeable than the subliminal nub I retained of mine. Her skin now matched the lighter purple of her coat while her hair -head, tail, pits and pubes- all matched her darker mane. She retained her colourful blaze on her bangs and tail. And like an angel she soared on spread wings.
“You’re beautiful!” I called as she drifted her flight path back to mine, “even as a human!”
Our paths coincided and our lips met. We flew lip to lip for kilometres through the nighted sky, skyclad and giddy in love.
“How is your power holding out,” I asked eventually, “it must use a lot to keep me airborne with you?”
“You’re right, this is draining me pretty fast. Can I cast Cloudwalk on you and we’ll go rest on a cloud?”
“Sure!”
She cast her spell and directed our flight up towards the mountains of cloud that drifted like great white galleons in the moonlight.
“Take my hand,” she said, “it will be less difficult to keep you afloat if we have more of a connection.”
I did so, then reeled her closer.
“Would more skin contact help?” When she was close enough I grabbed her hips and pulled her to me. I didn’t know any flying spells, but I tried to add some of my power to Twilight’s. This caused us to accelerate wildly towards the clouds.
“Whoa! Power surge, it’s sure not helping with flight control!”
We crashed onto the soft upper surface of a cloud, laughing, as we bounced and rolled. The cloud, while comfortable and cushionlike, was cold on my bare skin. I stood quickly as Twilight did the same.
Twilight was still laughing “I wasn’t expecting that, just being close to you boosted my energy level. Must be that magic wand of yours!”
I bounced on the cloud, it was as springy as a mattress in low-G. “Twilight, this is so cool… but kinda cold!”
My feet were wet from the cloud and moist tendrils of mist tickled my legs. The reality finally sank in that I was really standing on a cloud, with my princess, and we were not dreaming.
She shivered, twin points of attention dancing before me.
“Yeah, as ponies we have coats to keep us warm in the clouds. I didn’t realize how chilly it would be. I was hoping to, um, fool around up here, but it's too cold to lie down on the cloud. Wanna do a quick pony-style?”
“Sure! I mean, if you want? Or we could go hang out and spend time together before we…”
“Lets do something wild to brag to our friends about and then find somewhere warm to hang out, okay?”
“I’m game, obviously.” My erection bobbed as I bounced on the cloudtop trampoline.
At the edge of the cloud she knelt on her hands and knees. “What a view…”
“Agreed!” I said as I knelt behind and squeezed her bottom.
“I meant the city lights!” she laughed and swished her tail at me. “Just dooooo me, I'm getting cold already!”
“Then let me get something warm into you…” I considered telling her that I’d never actually done this in real life before. How different than a dream could it be? In all of our previous encounters, in our shared dreams, she had been in pony form so this would be my first real time with a human. I decided not to bring it up and…
“Oh! Hmmm, that feels different than when I’m a pony!”
“Good different?” I worried “Did I hurt you, was I clumsy?”
“Wonderful different! It’s great, just feels bigger like this, when I am anthroform. Tell me when you’re close, I want to launch off of here and fly!”
“Won’t be long, Princess, I’ve missed you.”
Badly, I didn't elaborate.
“I’m really loving this– so different, so right.”
“Almost!” I panted.
“Kick off on three and hold on tight! One… Two… Three!”
We both kicked off from the edge of the cloud in a sort of tandem dive. It was a bit of a fumble, but we were airborne without getting disconnected. Twilight spread her wings and we glided. The dark horizon was visible well over her shoulder so she obviously was not getting a very advantageous glide ratio with my extra weight. It would not be the last time that I would wish I could show my beautiful wings to my beloved. Instead I tightened my grip and maintained the even rhythm of my thrusts. The air cool whistling past contrasted deliciously with the heat of Twilight’s sex.
I sped up, my climax was close. Twilight sensed my imminence and nosed down a little more; our descent and airspeed increased exhilaratingly.
“Twilight!” I called into the wind, “commmmmiinnnnnnngggg!” I couldn’t see the lights on the ground, my vision was full of fireworks from the intensity of the orgasm.
“Unnnggggghhhh toooooooo” she replied.
We plummeted towards the ground. I didn’t know how much altitude we had left or if Twilight would be able to pull up in time to save us. In that moment I could not care.
There was a discontinuity and then we were panting on my bed, lying on our sides. I was still buried in her but I was well spent and rapidly detumescing. I held her tight and sobbed into her back, between her wingshoulders.
“Tangent, whats wrong?” Twilight tensed in my arms as she spoke.
“It’s just that,” I took a deep breath between sobs, “you are so beautiful.”
Twilight relaxed again and I held her until my tears stopped.
“Celestia’s hooves and horn, Twilight, that was wonderful.” My heart was still pounding. “Let’s do it again.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Princess Luna sat alone at a breakfast table in the kitchenette down the hall from her rooms in Canterlot Castle. Without her sister’s unpredictable morning exuberance –meaning a random breakfast of unnecessary complexity and and far more carbohydrates than anypony really needed just before their bedtime– in effect today, she had chosen a simple, sensible breakfast. Sensibly, she balanced a bowl of oats on her nose and used her magic to wield the spoon.
Celestia grumped into the room, her mane disheveled and dark circles under her eyes.
“Ponies!”
“Aye?” Luna asked after chewing.
Celestia tossed her head increasingly wildly as she chanted, “ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies, ponies, PONIES!”
With the last swing of her head she had slashed a pillar with her horn, perfectly cleaving the stone. At least for the moment, the glass-smooth faces of the cut were clinging to each other.
"Princess Celestia, I wish I had a bigger horn , Princess Celestia, when will i get my cutie mark , Princess Celestia, I hope I lose my virginity at the harvest dance . Princess Celestia, Princess Celestia, ponies, ponies, ponies, PONIES!”
She stomped her hoof and a planet shook at her anger.
Far away, a pony at a seismograph looks worried as a needle twitches.
Far away, neither Fluttershy’s gentle urging, nor Discord’s grouchy demands, convince the frightened critters to come out from under the bed.
Far away, the pristine snow of the mountains is the epitome of tranquility. Without warning all is thunder as an avalanche descends like an albino tsunami of rage.
Celestia’s eyes were flaming, her nostrils flared.
“We shall RAZE this world unto its very bones and when the sea covers all the land we will raise up a new empire of SQUIDS!”
Imagine: an ocean world, utterly devoid of dry land, water from pole to pole. Sun shines down on peaceful blue seas as happy squids frolic in the shallows. On their sides, many bear alarmingly familiar squidie marks.
Behind Celestia, the slashed pillar now slid apart. The arch collapsed, keystone landing on Luna's breakfast. The table falls under the impact and all is destroyed save the bowl she is balancing.
Unperturbed, Luna took another bite of oats.
Downtrodden, the princess of the sun hung her head.
“Ponies.”
“Forsooth, dear.” Luna spoke gently. She’d seen her sister like this before and wished she could do more for her.
Celestia was beyond words.
A comforting sound had been coming from the nearby counter since the beginning of the royal tirade; now it is the only thing filling the silence.
“Coffee perks anon sweet sister, prithee indulge thyself thereunto, ere it too succumb to thy wrath most puissant but unfocused.”
The notion of coffee was enough to spur Celestia into motion – just barely.
She stumbled to the counter and poured coffee for Luna. No cream, no sugar.
"Blackest, like the night herself, mine midnight culver." Celestia slipped into a morning ritual predating Luna’s banishment and the sisters shared a brief smile. The old memories, from before a thousand years of sorrow, were comforting.
There was no table to set the mug upon; she levitated it directly to the grasp of Luna’s magic.
For a moment Celestia pondered a white mug emblazoned with the sun logo in bright gilt. With the tip of one hoof she pushed it off the counter where it fell and broke.
Instead, she dropped the sugar bowl and creamer directly into the coffee pot and stirred; crunching sounds emerged.
Celestia’s voice is leaden with exhaustion. “Oh we love our little ponies.”
She chugged deeply, eagerly, from the pot then paused, her breath steaming.
“Ah,” she sighed.
When she lifted the coffee pot back to her mouth she drank more calmly.
Gaining strength she declared boldly, “I will spend my soul to its last shred to care for them!”
A heartbeat later, her mood had shifted again, now to sadness.
“Luna?” she implored as tears gathered in her eyes.
Luna looked at her sister across the steaming mug, wishing for something to say.
Tears fell; mug and bowl were teleported to the counter as moon swept sun into an embrace.
“Don't ever let us hurt the ponies,” Celestia wept into her sister’s mane.
—
Twilight sat up in bed, dazed and disoriented.
What did she just dream?
“Squidship is magic?” she asked aloud.
“Buh, huh?” mumbled the form under the blanket. No further utterance emerged.
For an instant she was startled by the strange room, the presence in the bed with her, the echos of very new sensations flooding the tactile memory of her flesh. As memories returned in full a smile spread across her face and she slipped back under the covers.
—
The cleaning and repair strike team were waiting discreetly as the royal ponies finished in the kitchenette.
Celestia was finally past her crisis as she sauntered forth with her sister.
“Thank you for your patience, and your company, Luna.” She was her gracious self again, if perhaps slightly subdued. “I know what a pain in the plot I am when I’m having an episode.”
“Of course, ‘Tia. We often do not ken aught helpful to say when thou art so disturbed, but always, neigh, always and always , thou hast our ear to hear thee. And ever our shoulder too, an tears be in the offing.”
“Maybe if more ponies would start praying to Twilight, I might get some more rest. I wonder what she’s up to? She came to Canterlot for her check-up, but never visited me afterwards.” A slight pout on her face little presages the tumult that is to come.
The voices of the alicorns faded down the hallway as the repair crew began clearing the rubble.
A new pony on the cleaning crew looks inside the unexpectedly heavy coffee pot. Porcelain shards rattle when he shakes the pot.
“The buck happened in here?”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Before we go out in public, I should warn you…um, humans don’t naturally come in as many colours as Equestrian ponies do.”
Naked again, she was looking through my clothes to see what she might wear. I sized my wardrobe a little on the baggy side and other than colour and SSC’s Twilight and I could almost be twins. Anything that I owned would fit her as well as it fit me.
Naked and violet she rummaged through drawers full of grey and grey and grey.
“Really? The only human world I’ve ever visited, the colours are as varied as Equestria. Will it be a problem if I am seen? I don’t think I could even pull off a disguise spell right now.”
“Not a problem, you’ll only be mildly conspicuous. But we’re gonna look really boring to you. We do occasionally modify ourselves enough that a purple girl is not totally unheard of. But not common. Most people aren’t going to say anything, but you might draw a few curious looks. Hair is easy to change, but we can do skin colour too. A small number of people are mod’ed at the genetic level and the changes breed true.”
“Your people do that without magic? Your biosciences are far ahead of ours.”
“You may find that our apathy is what is most truly groundbreaking.”
“Oh dear, I dropped the socks.” She bent way, way, down to fetch them and seemingly was having a difficult time retrieving them.
“Dear Celestia, Twilight, do you know what that pose is doing to me?”
“Show me,” she said, and flagged her tail.
—
When we ventured forth, hand in hand, we were still afterglowing.
“I told you I was ready,” she said.
Taking the lift to ground floor, Twilight’s eyes grew large as the ride went on and on.
“How far up do you live?”
“Tertiary Housing, eXternal bracket, floor 113, unit 8, about a half kilometer up.”
“Your buildings are like mountains! Last night, all I could see from above was the lights, I had no idea…”
“I’ll take you to the top of the city one day — there’s an observation deck over a kilometer high. But today let me show you what the downtown looks like from the burbs.”
There was little to see in the cross-town tunnel so we chatted.
“Tell me more about Equestria,” I said as we rode. “There are so many things that never got mentioned in the show. Do you have a pole star?”
“Only in the northern hemisphere. There’s a theory that the pole star is why civilizations emerged all over the northern hemisphere and none in the south.”
“That’s what happened here too, possibly for the same reason. Did you really use a magic mirror to travel to a human world where you met human analogs to yourself, the rest of the mane six, and others. And fought the Sirens?”
“Yep, those were some crazy adventures. Especially meeting myself!”
“Celestia save me! I was hoping those episodes weren’t canon. The art was awful. Did at least get to make out with yourself?”
“Episodes? The art? And no, Sci-Twi is a actually few years younger than me, it would have been kinda uncool. Too molesty. Otherwise,” she grinned, “I would have been in there.”
“Totally!” I grinned back. “What year is it in Equestria?”
“It is early fall in the one thousand thirty third year of Celestia’s rule. The Ponyville Fair was a week ago, the harvest has been brought in and winter is on its way.”
“Do you think I can meet her someday?”
“I’m sure she’ll be fascinated to meet her best student’s somepony special.”
“What kind of stuff do they have at the Ponyville Fair?”
“Oh, I think they have rides and junk food and, eh, fair stuff…”
—
We took the stairs all the way from sub-street level to the roof. We had traveled several kilometers from my dom’ near the heart of the city. Here in the outskirts, but still within the walls, a building only ten stories tall was large enough to stand above its neighbors. This particular building was topped with an overgrown park. From here we could see a vast panorama of cityscape. The tallest buildings stood a full kilometer, some more, tall; needles, spires, up-ended ovoids beshelved with cantilevered terraces, monolithic blocks and forms stranger still. A mycelium of clear pedestrian tube-bridges connected the lower levels into an organic whole. As the buildings grew shorter away from the city center, the forms grew even more varied: spheres, domes, pyramids inverted and natural, organic blobs.
Twilight was awed by the sheer bulk of the city.
“How many humans live here?”
“According to the civic, there are accommodations for over fifteen million. I doubt more than five percent of that number live here today.”
“War?” she asked, “disease?”
“All kinds of stuff. Eugenics, emigration off-planet, fake upload scams, and centuries of dropping birth rates.”
Twilight stood pensively at the focal point of the expansive view.
“It seems like you’ve known about me almost since your foaling: I only knew you for a little while before Slimedark. How does the real me compare to the stories?”
“The tales are a fairly accurate portrayal.”
“Including how awful I can be?”
“Including the fact that like anypony you can get confused, and overwhelmed, and make mistakes.”
“You put it very gently, considering what I put you through.”
“I am very aware of my own mistakes.”
“And mine too; you’ve seen me at my worst.”
“I’ve already forgotten.”
“You’re hopeless,” she smiled, “I like that about you! How much longer is your refractory interval?”
I was standing behind her and answered with a prod.
“Oh!” She leaned back against me and turned her head to offer her neck for kisses. “Tell me, what say the local regulations on the topic of public indecency?”
—
I lay on my back, naked in the sunshine. The abandoned park had been private enough for our amours and now we took some rest. Twilight sat at my side, similarly unattired, doodling on my chest, her finger moist in semen and quim.
“So you probably know about my silly crush on Flash Sentry?” she asked, playfully painting my nipples, “unrequited and eventually faded away I will add, since I believe you to be too polite to ask.”
She wetted her finger again from the source at her groin and continued her designwork.
“Yep, I know all about that. And also the rabid hate-sex with Queen Chrysalis.”
“That one never happened! I swear!” She traced the sacred horseshoe across her chest, fingertip trailing glistening moisture.
“Hmmmph,” she said when she realized I was laughing. “I can see you’ll be a big hit with her merry Highness, Celestia. I hope I´m there to see it the first time she gets you with one of her high level pranks.”
“I’m sure you will be,” I laughed, but wondered what a ‘high level’ Celestia prank might entail. Twilight might very well witness it, and wish she hadn’t.
“By the way, ‘random peasant’…”
“Yes?”
“We don’t really have peasants anymore in Equestria. I was just being a bitch when I called you that.”
—
That evening we ate together surrounded by books.
“That was definitely not delicious,” Twilight said after she finished her FSB, “but I can see how the convenience might be attractive.”
“More time for books, am I right?” I grinned.
“As much as I love reading, I’m not sure it’s worth it. Desert better be fantastic!” She slipped to her knees in front of me, “I hope you have something very nice for me.”
She was unzipping my pants and licking her lips.
“Um, Twilight, is this okay? You’re a princess…”
I sprang free of my underpants as she tugged them down.
“I wanna try an experiment; let’s see just how much of that can fit in my mouth… It’s okay this is like science ‘n’ stuff.”
It all fit, no surprise, I’m not some over-sized schlong gangster. But she nearly choked herself; I knew the risk of excessive enthusiasm first hand and tried to help. Under the pretense of adjusting the angle, I grasped the base of my cock. In addition to presenting myself too her more conveniently, I also blocked her from over-inserting it and gagging herself before she was ready for all of it. Performing these acts in a human body would surely be new to her.
After a time she pulled my hand way, took all of me smoothly.
I could tell she needed air, but she kept sucking, bobbing her royal mouth up and down my straining length. I put my hand on her cheek, guided her off of my cock.
“Breathe,” I smiled as she gulped large breaths, “whenever you need to take a break, just come up for air.”
“The pause—” she kissed my penis between words “—won’t ruin it for you?”
“Having it be comfortable for you makes it better for me,” I assured her.
Another breath and she grinned before taking me again into her warm mouth.
“Do you want me to warn you to pull back before I…?”
Unable to answer verbally, she shook her head, ‘no’.
I was almost there, but I had to tell Twilight something before I came.
“Twilight” whispered “it’s not just my dick speaking when I tell you I am yours forever. I love you Princess.”
‘I know’ her smiling eyes spoke to me as I climaxed. My mind began to melt; I imagined that I could see ponies standing proudly behind the Princess, joyed that their daughter knew love. Pleasure dissolved my awareness and there was no room to question the odd vision.
—
I was both emptied and sated, dizzy with pleasure. Twilight climbed up, straddled my lap. Her kiss was sweet and musky and intense.
“I know you’ll deny it,” she said finally, “but I can tell I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
“It was wonderful,” I panted, “just keep enjoying yourself and you’ll do great.”
Twilight’s smile brightened, with a hint of mischief to it.
“Well I’m sure you won’t mind me practicing on you. A lot!”
“Oh Princess, oh my worship, your servant will humbly ejaculate his love into your sweet smile as often as you like to the utmost of his ability.”
“Sounds good.” Now her grin was warm and sultry. “But make sure to save some for...”
I was out before she finished her sentence.
—
“Speaking of my pussy,” Twilight said to the inert form slumped on the sofa, “are you going to have enough energy to return the favor? No? I was afraid of that.”
Tangent snored.
“No problem,” she said, “but don’t let’s make a habit of this. I don’t want you passing out every time you blow a wad in my mouth. Say, no more than a quarter of the time.”
Twilight slipped out of her borrowed pants, kicked them in the general direction of an autowash receiver. She stretched out on the sofa, her head on Tangent's lap.
“I love you, mister,” she said to the sleeping human as she began to masturbate. “I hope it’s cool if I crash here for a while.”
Author's Note
(Is there anypony out there?)
Next week: Vocabulary
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The compliment was well meant but I could see my words did not sit well with Twilight.
“Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry about passing out on the sofa earlier.”
Our second round had taken place in bed and had produced a far more balanced outcome.
“Not exactly wrong,” she said, “really it’s a matter of semantics.”
“I did something wrong but it wasn’t ‘wrong wrong’?”
She shook her head – apparently I still wasn’t getting it.
“I was just saying how much I enjoyed your va—”
“Honey,” said Twilight, “can please you not use that word unless I’m lying on my back on an exam table with an icy cold speculum lodged in mine.”
“I’m so sorry! Is it disrespectful in Equestrian usage?”
“No, it’s not disrespectful, it’s just too clinical for my taste. Vagina. Penis. Words from a biology class or an uncomfortable medical procedure. Neither are things I would associate with having fun with my somepony special!”
At last the light dawned.
“Let me try again, dear. What I mean to say was that your pussy is delightful. You’re so hot and wet and tight, squeezing around my cock .”
“Much better.” Her eyes lit up with trouble. “If you're feeling a little naughtier, you can call it my cunt. Yeah—” she nuzzled up against me, her cheek against mine, “—I want you to buck my cunt, you shadowy Terran stud. I want you to use my cunt. Your princess commands you to pound her cunt with your throbbing human cock!”
“Yeah, verily, my princess, I obey. Suffice it to say that the pinnacle of our fleshly jointure shall be most epic as fecund fountains foam forth and moisture mingles.”
“Ooh, nice, ornate alliterative euphemism is even better than sexy dirty nasty street talk! And anything is better than doctor gabble.”
“Are there any other word choice rules I should know about?”
“Well, I do make exceptions for role-play.”
“Name the role, and I shall play it!”
“Silly,” she scoffed.
“I can do silly.” I said, willfully misunderstanding her intent. “C’m’ere you hottie naughty silly filly, gonna put my wanger banger in your mare-gina!”
“Maregina?”
Twilight’s eyes were wide with surprise and absurdity.
“Maregina?” she repeated, incredulous.
“Uh, yeah?” I said as she started to guffaw.
Twilight’s laughter increased and didn’t stop when she rolled off the bed.
The next round took place on the floor, despite the continuing laughter.
—
“She’s away already, and no longer in Equestria,” Celestia addressed Luna and Cadance.
“Art certain of the safety of her excursion?” A frown accompanied the question.
“I am certain that it’s about time she wanted to be more than ‘just friends’ with somepony. I truly hope she’s done well for herself with this fling. Cadance, dear, have you done a security audit and accounted for all your spells as I asked you?”
“Yes, there were two intrusions into my inner magic storage room,” Cadence pouted. “One was Twilight, as confirmed by the visitor log. The other is unknown, probably a curious guard: a security gem detected motion in the room, but nopony entered or left the building. Twilight left carrying a scroll, but I am not missing anything, I’m quite sure of it.”
“She must have found something you’ve forgotten. Perhaps your record keeping has not been up to standard.”
“I’m sorry, Auntie.”
“Don’t fret, I can hardly blame you for failing to stop her.”
“But I’m an alicorn! I should be able to keep my stash safe.”
“Yes, you are. But consider who the intruder was. Luna had a scroll, eh, relocated, as well.”
Celestia carefully avoided the ess word lest she rekindle a debate barely put to rest.
“She did not steal it,” Luna insisted.
“Sister, you cannot give permission after the fact.”
“What we can not do, we can in no wise deny any thing to the pony who hast bested us, taught us our limits, and beyond all impossibility become our friend.” There was much more Luna could have said about how the purple mare had changed her life, the yearnings that Twilight had awoken. “Should she levy any ransom against us, it is her right to spoil us how she will.” Alarmed by Twilight’s summons to court, Luna had developed legal theories to support of a defense that never happened.
“Enough.”
Celestia was beginning to be annoyed by her sister’s fixation on a very minor issue. What did it matter now?
“Quibbles of law aside, my point is that Twilight walked right through your rather high level security spells and that Cadance should not feel bad that hers were insufficient. You see, Twilight is—” she hesitated slightly, adjusting her choice of words mid utterance “—ah, she is Twilight. What more can I say? There is no word to define a pony who defines herself tabla rasa .”
—
Evil has no universal lowerarchy to bind it into an absolute cohesion. There are many sources of darkness, and often they contend against each other. When two very alien evils seek to bargain, they must find a common vocabulary.
Author's Note
How you say it can be almost as important as what you say, and using the right words can cover up for what you don't say at all. Next week- one of the very first chapters to actually get written will finally see light.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“There’s nopony here,” I said. “And there was dust on the steps. I think we can count on a little privacy up here. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Yes! I am!” Twilight shouted. “We can finally get some reading done!”
“Oh—” I was already halfway out of my pants “—yeah, that's what I meant too.” I started to pull them back up.
“Get naked and buck me silly, silly.”
Oh, Celestia, I love Twilight’s laugh.
By the time I was naked Twilight had stripped down and was climbing onto the railing of the observation deck. She stood at the corner where she commanded a two hundred seventy degree view of the city.
“Honey,” I said, “you know its over a kilometer to the ground.” I reached up and took her hand to steady her.
“Yep!” she said enthusiastically “Don’t let go! But if I do slip, I’ve recovered enough power for a Soft Landing spell.”
“Thank Celestia for that, but lets not test it—”
Twilight let go of my hand, jumped straight up, twisted around to face me and grabbed my hand again when she landed.
“—out. My heart just stopped, do you have a spell for that?”
“Got it covered. Kiss this,” she said. Her pussy was in front of my face and she made a dramatic flourish with her free hand as she swayed her hips from side to side. “I know it’ll get you fired right up.”
I reached up for her other hand. When I had a firm grasp, I raised my lips towards her pussy and kissed her thigh.
“Lean back a little, Twi, you’re just slightly too high.”
She leaned back, pulling against me to balance herself with her backside hanging out into the open air above the city. I hoped she was right about her landing spell, but I was holding on carefully. I braced my legs against the railing and leaned to her.
I nuzzled into her pubic hair and parted her labia with my tongue. Already she was growing wet and I lapped at her desire. I closed my eyes to be was immersed in the tactile contrasts. Twilight’s purple curls soft on my cheeks, her clitoris achingly hard under my tongue. The warmth, the wet, and tang of her on my face, the cool wind sweeping across my thighs, toying with my erect cock. The tower shifting slightly on its active stabilization, Twilight beginning to moan and rock her hips.
I moved my hands to her bottom so I could hold her up even if she came hard and got all limp.
She ran her fingers through my hair before gripping my forearms. I squeezed her buttocks as I massaged her clitoris with my tongue. Again I traced out glyphs upon her intimacy, no angular terran letters, these were smooth, flowing, spirals and flourishes of Voorish, the shapes complementing the passion of the charms I wove. Her grip on my arms was tightening, she was getting close. It was a good thing I had a firm hold of her fine ass; an ass like hers was made for gripping but there was also a legitimate safety issue at play. And then she was coming and I could think about nothing in the world but her pleasure as she ground against my face. Come, come, come, I wrote in cryptic pre-galactic script. For immeasurable minutes her pleasure was my universe. It was only when her moans grew less loud and urgent and the muscle tension with which she pushed against me faded that the external world asserted itself against my awareness.
“Help me down from here,” she asked when her climax had finally drifted away like a hurricane of cherry petals.
I did, and she threw her arms around me and kissed me.
“You taste like pussy!” she laughed “Now its your turn, how do you want it?”
“If you lean over the railing I think that would be perfect.”
Twilight grabbed hold of the railing and leaned out over the vacuous depths of the sheer plunge to street level. She made a show of bracing her arms and waving her ass slow and hypnotically at me. Her tail swished from side to side giving me brief glimpses of my target.
As I drew nearer, she paused the swishing, holding her tail aside and I entered my lover from behind. She was already wet and hot and slippery from her orgasm and my licking; my initial plunge was smooth as silk from the bountiful lubrication. Now I moved more slowly, enjoying each insertion and withdrawal. The heat inside her body contrasted with the cold breeze as it fluttered across my bare skin; the hot wetness of her grew chilly as it trickled down to drip off my balls. I was torn between the desire to go slowly and enjoy Twilight for as long as possible and the urge to get done and get her dressed before she got too cold. I tried to compromise with my intrusive sense of responsibility by maintaining a sedate pace of thrusting but wrapping myself around her as much as I could to keep her warm. Crossing my arms under her I cupped her breasts and squeezed – they were cool to the touch, her nipples like twin diamonds.
“Keep your hands there,” she said, “the boobies are cold!”
“I’d be honored to, but we could continue this somewhere warm—”
“No! I’m not letting go of this railing until you fill me with human semen!”
“As you wish.”
Pulling myself tight against her, I nibbled at her shoulder blade just above her wing shoulders. Her feathers ruffled as she shivered. Gently I rolled her cold, hard, nipples between thumb and fingers. Twilight moaned in response and the world swam as I turned the corner into orgasmic inevitability. Grasping the last threads of coherent thought I whispered, “accept this offering of molten desire, O Princess of Equestria who art Queen of my heart.” Then I became incoherent with animal pleasure as I ejaculated like my entire being was pumped into Twilight’s very soul. I was blinded by visions of pure light and colour sweeping across my vision in effulgent glory while my heat exploded inside her.
“…mmmmm” I only heard the end of what Twilight said.
“How you doin’?” I asked when the linguistic portion of my brain finally started working again. She was standing now, and I held her close, my limp, sticky penis pressed against her back.
“I was too cold to come again, but I still enjoyed that. You got that camera thingie of yours?”
I released her and bent down to rummage through my clothes for the camera. Twilight grabbed my hips and ground playfully against me.
“Go ahead,” I said, “you can totally do me if you want to grow one. Here’s the camera.”
“Can you pick me up,” she asked, “and stand by the edge? This is going to be an epic keepsake for when we are old ponies someday.”
I lifted her until she was head and shoulders above me. She threw her arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and mashing her breast against the side of my face.
Twilight stretched her arm to hold the camera as high as she could and pointed it down at us with the view of the city behind us.
“Look at the camera!” she called.
Instead I looked her in the eye and she returned my gaze.
“Oh, Princess,” distantly I heard the camera click, “I’m looking at the rest of my life.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Magic’s really my thing, honey. My main proficiency for non magical combat is stealth attacks with knives and daggers, but if you want me to use blunt weapons I can give it a try. What are we fighting?”
“Not that kind of clubbing, dear. We’ll listen to too-loud music, dance until our feet hurt, and buy overpriced drinks.”
“Oh! Let’s do it!”
“And then we’ll go dancing!”
“Huh?”
I had to demonstrate the gist of my jest.
—
“Wow!” Twilight exclaimed, “so many humans! You guys aren’t extinct yet.”
There were probably four hundred people at the club tonight. Easily twenty times that number would have fit.
Without delay, Twilight headed straight for the dance floor. I had hoped for some form of chemical bravery, but followed my princess into throb of the music.
She was really shaking her dorky stuff. She was awkward, ungainly, and utterly unabashed. Her moves were awful and adorable and if my heart had not already belonged to her she would have stolen it right there. Instead I followed her example and let the night take us away.
—
The set finished; the outgoing DJ left a generic drum track rolling as he bantered with the next performer.
The drums and the chit-chat on the P.A. ruled out conversation; I pantomimed drinking and Twilight nodded her assent.
When we got to the bar I had a moment of panic: I had no idea what to order. In a moment of inspiration I asked the bar keeper to bring us whatever was stylish to be seen drinking, laughing like it was the most natural request in the world. Twilight took my bluff at face value; out of her field of vision I made a gesture that told the bar keeper that I promised to be a heavy tipper.
Drinks arrived gratifyingly fast and true to my word I sent a tip almost equal to the full price of the beverages. Twilight liked whatever she’d been brought, which completely justified the extravagance.
“I can’t believe this, spending a whole evening not reading or studying or solving somepony’s problems!”
“Well you’re having fun, right?”
“Uh, yeah!” she exclaimed. “Hey, you should see some of the dance clubs they have in Canterlot.”
“Oh? What are they like?”
“I don’t know! I’ve never seen them!”
“You should check them out. Maybe find somepony with a crazy purple mane to go with.”
“What’s he doing?”
Halfway down the bar another patron had just finished snorting a double line of powder cocaine from the surface of the bar.
“Oh, let me show you,” I said, “Barkeep!” I waved the pretty bar keeper back to us.
“We’ll take a line and a half of the Colombian organic, please.”
I sent the credits as the bartender wiped the bartop and measured out our drugs.
“How do I do this?” Twilight asked, somewhat bemused by the situation.
With one nostril held closed I bent down to the full line and inhaled sharply – by the time I reached the end of my line the drug was already hitting my bloodstream.
Time slowed for me; I watched as Twilight did her smaller line.
Her eyes were wide as she raised her face from the bar surface, powder dusted around her nostril and upper lip.
«W- w- w- whoa. Hey. Whoa. Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, hey, whoa,» she stammered in pre-equiik. «What?»
“I think you broke your date,” the bartender said, “but I get off shift in an hour if you two have room for one more.”
I heard the words, but they didn’t register as I took Twilight’s hands.
“You okay babe? Flying?”
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak yet.
“You’ve got coke on your face, love.” I leaned in and licked her clean. Wordlessly she raised her mouth, mirroring my action and licking the cocaine residue from my face, completing a grooming ritual which would have seemed very alien to both our species but in the surreal intimacy of the moment it came naturally. Then we kissed, long and sweet, soaring in the absolute privacy of an anonymous crowd.
Twilight switched back to modern speech when she finally broke the kiss and spoke.
“Whoa...” she was back and now she was riding the chemical wave, “Tangent, if I don’t start dancing right now I will literally die.”
Grabbing my arm she headed back to the dance floor.
The lights sparkled around us and the night dissolved into mad whirling…
—
As the two lovers left the bar, the bartender looked longingly after them.
“I see you staring,” the other bartender said. “You’re totally packing wood.”
“Did you see those two? I’ve never seen such passion.”
“Licking the cocaine leftovers out of each other’s noses,” she laughed, “true love, indeed!”
“I asked if they were open for one more, but they didn’t even notice.”
“Don’t you have another gig when you get outta here?”
“I was totally ready to blow off my shift at Chez Shay’s.”
“Ah, go wait tables, it’ll get your mind of those two!” she said.
As he left to take another customer’s order she added, “or you could fuck me,” but she didn’t say it loud enough for him to refuse her.
—
After several sets on the floor, we still hadn’t stopped dancing.
“Is that white powder addictive?”
“No! We got rid of the addiction gene. I guess it might be, for you. We’ll have to be careful.”
“Does it stimulate appetite? I could eat a horse!”
Twilight certainly enjoyed herself some Terran idiom.
“Actually it suppresses appetite, but we have been demolishing the dance floor nonstop for two hours, no wonder you’re a bit peckish.”
“Let's get go something!” She scanned the concession booths at the far end of the club, still high enough that her brain outpaced her mouth.
“There’s nothing any good here, we’ll have to bail on this joint.”
“Can we eat and fuck? I need dick, too!”
“Not where we’re going, I want to take you somewhere nice.”
—
Midway through dinner, the impulse for intercourse intruded with imperative immediacy. The sensible suggestion was made to settle our bill and move the action home where we could indulge freely; the objection of urgency was voiced and finally a bargain struck. We’d do it here and now, keeping silent to avoid embarrassing discovery. Some restaurants would simply ask amorous groups of dinners to quiet down; scuttlebutt overheard at work suggested that this establishment followed a ‘one strike and you’re out’ policy.
Each table was in its own nook, separated from the paths through the restaurant by thick bead curtains. As long as we could feign innocence to our waiter, should he appear unexpectedly, nobody passing by would have any clue what transpired within. But all this was assumptive of our successful suppression of sudden sexual sounds.
“I should have worn a skirt,” Twilight muttered as she wriggled out of her pants; I folded them and set them on the bench seat beside her. “And these,” she said, leaving her borrowed underwear tangled around one ankle, “just get in the way.”
I slipped under the table and found that if Twilight spread her legs and slumped down on the bench I could get my face right up in her crotch. It was too dim to take in the sights, but touch and taste and scent were richly served. She was hot and sweaty from dancing, the heady organic haze emanating from her purple jungle drew me to her and giving her pleasure became my pleasure. The space under the table was frankly awkward, but there was no stopping now, I needed her climax and when I felt her twitch with its nearness under my worshipful kiss, I licked all the more desperately.
Twilight kept quiet almost to the very end. As orgasm claimed her she neighed loudly, throwing her head back and filling the restaurant with her cries. If the nature of the sounds did not make the exactness of our shenanigans clear, it certainly alerted all around us that something was going on. She was still panting, and I crawling out from under the table, when the manager and a pair of bouncers arrived at our nook. They barged in, pushing past the waiter who had been trying to delay the intrusion – very kind of him, even if not effective.
The manager took one look at us and nodded; the two security blokes escorted us with from the building, and we found ourselves on the sidewalk. I was carrying Twilight’s pants and she was naked from the waist down, her underwear had gone missing.
Before I could offer Twilight her pants, she pushed me up against the wall.
“No fair!” she said, “no fair getting me off but not you. You are going to come in my mouth right now, mister.”
—
The Chez Shea’s manager found the bartender turned waiter pouting in the staff break room.
“I know those two,” he lied, “good tippers.” The second part was true, though it might have been the drugs.
“We have standards here. One of our standards says that you should be out there on the floor taking care of your tables.”
“They were the only ones that mattered and I was taking care of them until you threw them out.”
“You may consider yourself thrown out as well, your attitude hasn’t done you any favors.”
—
Twilight was still sucking my dick when the door next to us opened.
“You!” the emerging figure cried. It was our waiter from moments ago, and come to think of it, our bartender from the club as well.
Twilight didn’t stop.
“Uh, thanks for ummmm trying to run interference for us.” I didn’t have much attention to spare for small talk, Twilight was the center of my attention.
“I’m sorry your dinner was ruined.”
“Well it’s a good thing we went straight for dessert!” Twilight quipped and returned to fellation.
“I could help her with that, you know,” the waiter offered. There was a deep yearning in his plea.
“Mmmp. Mmmm mm mmmnn.”
“Sorry.” I brushed Twilight’s hair back so I could look her in the eyes. “She’s not sharing.”
“Mmmm mm mmmmgh”
“She said you should ask out the other bartender. Back at the club.”
“What? No, no way would she—” his protest faded out as realization dawned “—you’re right! I gotta run!”
He was gone in a flash, presumably hurrying to find his coworker.
—
“I didn’t know you could neigh like that in your human form?”
Twilight’s blush came back - a crimson plus light purple shade of pinkish embarrassment as she pulled her pants on.
“Neither did I!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Now this is how we relax on Terra. Welcome to the World Wide Wet!”
At over three hundred hectares (the sign said) the WWW water-park was designed to comfortably host a quarter million splashing guests in a wonderland of rides and slides and the cool of the pools. Twilight and I had the place practically to ourselves. Understaffed as it was, we were outnumbered by the few employees we saw. As a rule, they looked lackadaisical enough that they might as well be the ones on vacation. Not a good idea to drown here.
“Hey, Twilight, you know how to swim, right?”
“Hmmm? Doesn’t everypony?”
“I’m just saying don’t look for a speedy rescue from a lifeguard if you sink.”
“No problem!”
Twilight flopped a innertube into the water and jumped into it. She shot right through the centre and straight to the bottom.
She floundered to the surface; I grabbed her hand, pulled her to the ladder where she climbed out of the water and retrieved the tube.
“I’m fine, fine,” she sputtered, “it just caught me by surprise. We don’t use this kind of floating apparatus back home. Let me figure it out.”
Standing at the water’s edge, she stuck one leg through the tube and jumped in before I could warn her. The result was predictable: I fished her out again as the tube floated away to be rounded up by automated maintenance devices.
“Show me how you use these demonic inflatable sphincters!” she demanded after a fourth failure.
I held a tube behind me and tipped myself back into the water. Twilight watched as I bobbed in the still water at the edge of the current.
“That looks easy,” she said and gave it a try: Twilight stuck her bum into the centre of a fresh innertube and fell back towards the water. With perfect grace, she landed, rebounded as the water lifted her in recoil from the impact, and flipped over. But she came up holding onto the tube – she was learning!
“I’ll get it right for sure this time.”
She did, and we drifted away, paddling slow circles around each other.
—
The Lazy River, a water ride consisting of broad channel of slow moving water, meandered for kilometers through many of the themed areas of the park. There was enough river for tens of thousands to float; the few other guests seemed to be favoring other activities, leaving the river near deserted.
We floated through an Alpine village, an outback station with animatronic kangaroos, the glowing fungal ruins of fabled old Moskostadt on the Volga Med-Arct Canal, scenes from all three volumes of Alice’s Wonderland, and several circles of Dante's Inferno.
Around the bend from Dis, a parking gyre spiraled slowly in a broad shallow bight off of the main river. In the old days hundreds of tube riders might have lingered here as guests waited for their party members who fell behind, took restroom breaks, or went ashore to fetch refreshments. Solitary, Twilight slowly spun in the centre while I paddled to the riverbank bar for drinks.
“Would you like to accompany me to the bar?” I called back to her.
“I’ll wait here,” she said, paddling her hands in opposite directions to spin in a circle. “Bring me something girly to drink.”
—
“Something fruity, fancy,” I said to the bartender, “and rum based for my beloved. I’ll have a gin and cola.”
“Need a leg spreader?” she asked, “I can whip up a drink that will have her so ready to go she’ll melt the crotch right out of her swimsuit.”
I could easily imagine that happening without alcoholic aid.
“Nah, friend, I’m in there,” I laughed. “I appreciate the offer, but we just want something to sip and enjoy while we drift along.”
I turned around to admire Twilight while I waited for drinks.
“I’ll be right back.”
Twilight’s innertube floated alone in the centre of the gyre, upside down and unoccupied.
“I got a sinker!” I called over my shoulder as I broke into a run.
The water in the gyre area was shallow, all she needed to do was—
Twilight stood, the water barely covering her breasts.
“I guess I’m not drowning after all,” she said as I reached her, “I totally meant to do that.”
I took her hand and led her back towards the bar to fetch our drinks.
“Thanks, uh, Lenora.” I paid for the drinks and pulled Twilight towards the tube racks.
“Lets grab a bigger tube and share it so I can stay close to you; we’ll ride together.”
“Sure.” She didn’t sound sure. “How do we both fit in?”
I flopped a larger tube into the water and fell backwards into it.
“You recline between my feet,” I said, “and put your feet on either side of me.”
“Got it,” she said, and climbed aboard.
We floated away, sipping our drinks. Gradually Twilight’s new distrust of the water succumbed to sun, rum, and perhaps even my company.
After drifting a while, Twilight closed her drink and clipped it to the side of the tube. She touched her pointer fingers to her thumbs, making two circles. Then she held them in front of her eyes like glasses.
“I cannot help but notice,” she spoke in stilted, stodgy, tones, “that our genitalia are in remarkably close proximity despite the fact that we are ostensibly decently attired for this nominally public setting.”
What a dork - how I love her!
Clipping my own drink pouch to the another innertube attachment point I ran my hand down her leg to her crotch. I slipped a finger inside her swimsuit and pulled the narrow strip of fabric aside, wondering why I hadn’t guided her to choose a bikini instead of the one-piece. She gasped as I caressed her labia. With my other hand I pulled the waist of my swimming trunks down until my penis flopped out. I hoisted my scrotum past the elastic and began stroking my cock in slow time with the rubbing of my fingers along her pussy. As I grew harder my fingertips parted her, approached her clitoris. Slowly, slowly, I rubbed and stroked, careful to keep my motions hidden below the rim of the innertube.
Twilight could barely maintain her dork voice without cracking up. “My goodness sir, what is your intention in this potentially compromising situation?”
Did this count as role play? I’d chance clinical terminology.
“My intent—” I mirrored her dork voice as best I could “—is to place my phallus inside your vagina and slowly coit until I ejaculate inside you with the purpose of mutual satisfaction. Naturally this course of action is entirely contingent upon your fully informed and entirely voluntary consent.”
“Your proposal sounds adequate and I am willing–” finally she bust out laughing, “oh Cee, Tangent, just do it!”
Attempting to ‘just do it’ I discovered that despite the apparent convenience of our genital juxtaposition, obtaining the correct angle to prosecute a successful entry was difficult.
“Uh, maybe just mutual digital stimulation?” I suggested.
“Nope, you promised me penetration and if you try to back out now I’m going to call for help!”
I wasn’t sure how that would work, but I tried again and found success.
Once my cock was comfortably ensconced in her pussy, I wiggled myself lower into the innertube. The springy tube held us together; by pushing against the far side with my legs I could stretch it enough to partially withdraw myself; relaxing my legs allowed the tube to pull us back together, burying me fully into the Princess of my dreams.
“This is gonna take teamwork. Can you push on the innertube too?”
Twilight shifted her feet to rest the soles on the side of the tube hole. Together we stretched and released the tube, establishing a rhythm together. Slowly, and with great satisfaction we took our sweet time working our way towards a crescendo.
“I eagerly await the co-mingling of our various fluids.” Twilight was still doing the dork-glasses thing with her fingers. I had one hand on her body, my thumb massaging a circle at the summit of her cleft.
A quiet plash of water alerted me to company nearby. Two grandmothers in stylishly revealing (as defined in the prudish early twenty five hundreds, which they might well personally remember) swim-wear were stealthily paddling their tubes towards us.
The nearer granny saw that I had noticed them. “I know what what you kiddies are dooooo-ing,” she cackled.
I froze.
“We’re busted,” Twilight said, “don’t stop.”
So be it.
“If you know.” I spoke between between the slow cycles of withdrawal and insertion “What we’re doing. We don’t need. To stop?”
“Don’t mind us if we enjoy the show. I haven’t gotten any action since my husband died in twenty five eighty eight!” the beldame continued as she paddled nearer.
“Edna, you lying cunt!” The other woman was catching up to her friend. “I know you’ve fucked more towel-boys than the ladies rugby team, and that's just this week. Don’t you kids believe a word she says, she hasn’t been married since twenty four hundred. But don’t feel obligated to stop. If she gives you any trouble I’ll pop her innertube!”
“Beulah, I’ll capsize you, you bony old–”
“Shut your trap, Edna, they’re about to come!”
The two batty voyeurs could watch the intimate details of our sex – they were close enough to peer over the innertube. But they were more interested in the exchange of sexual energy taking place between Twilight and me, than the mechanical interpolation of physical interfaces. The air between us sizzled. Twi’ took my free hand, held it in hers; there was no need to speak as we orgasmed together and all distractions were consumed in the mind blasting coruscations of infinite pleasure.
When the universe returned, Edna and Beulah were intently watching us.
“Sacre grand mal, ” whispered Beulah.
“We thought we’d lost you two,” said Edna, “not that death by orgasm looked like a bad way to go.”
“Sun and Moon!” Twilight panted when her eyes uncrossed, “my brain about melted.” She had drool on her chin.
“I trust you ladies were not offended by our exhibition?” I continued to massage Twilight slowly with my thumb. She was too dazed with the residual waves of her climax to wipe her face.
“We’ve been doing this for years, and that was the best show we’ve ever seen. It’s a good thing you had me to keep Edna from trying to join in.”
“I’m sure a pro like her would have overwhelmed us both.”
“Haw haw!” Edna laughed, “normally, I’d offer to train you up for the purple Miss, but I can see you’ve got her number already!”
“My number?” Twilight asked.
“He knows what you like,” explained Beulah, pantomiming insertion by thrusting two fingers on one hand into her other fist. Pumping away with her hands, she kicked her feet to propel herself back upstream, “and exactly how you like it.”
“Yeah he does,” Twilight’s voice was dreamy.
“Don’t let this one get away from you, Princess,” advised Edna, paddling after her friend.
Waving goodbye to the funny old dears, we drifted quietly downstream.
“You were right, this is relaxing. Mmmmmmm.”
Afterglow with my beloved princess, the languorous gold of a dappled afternoon, a faintly hazy modicum of alcohol, and the gently flowing water took me to a place where I was almost too relaxed to move a muscle. I closed my eyes to enjoy a state nearing nirvana.
Peaceful warmth spread around me.
“Twilight?”
“Huh?”
“Did you just pee on me again?”
“Hmmm? Yeah…”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Tangent?”
Twilight woke me in the quiet darkness.
We were floating again. Over the course of the afternoon we had drowsed away our post coital lethargy, ridden at least a vertical kilometer of water slides, joined an impromptu dance-off in the crashing surf of a wave pool, taken an early supper and show, and retreated to another jumbo innertube with room for us to cuddle side by side as the sun set. We must have slept again: eventually night had fallen and now we were buried in an impenetrable fog rising off of the comparatively warm water.
“Twi…”
I reached out and found her hand. We were adrift in a black void – the lights of the water park were off or drowned in the thick vapors swirling around us. The experience was almost sensory deprivation, sound was deadened, the darkness absolute and the water buoyed us like amniotic fluid.
“Where are we?” she asked. “It’s like we’re nowhere. There are spells like this, to trap a pony into a featureless void.”
“Still at the water park. We fell asleep.”
“Should we call for help?”
“I feel like we should keep quiet.” I started paddling blindly, seeking the edge of the lazy river.
“Why?”
“Something’s wrong. They wouldn’t shut down for the night leaving customers just floating. I’ve been here at the end of the day and they round everyone up. Try not to splash.”
When I made contact with the edge, we were still sweeping slowly along. They would have turned off the river when the park closed. I slipped from the innertube, followed by Twilight. Careful not to make noise we climbed out of the water. Standing on the bank of the artificial river, there was still no sign of light. It couldn't just be the fog, every light in the entire park must be off.
We wandered slowly through the darkened park looking for an exit or any sign of light. Visibility was zero, and I was feeling my way along.
“I’m cold,” Twilight said. The night air was chill after the water, and the fog was not helping us to dry off.
For a moment a pocket of clear air floated past, barely revealing a familiar shape – tentatively I double-pressed the button on the towel dispenser.
Nothing happened.
“It doesn’t make sense. The river is still running, but nothing else has power.”
“What do we do?” she asked.
My guardian was not with me now, but he had taught me certain principles.
“Get the hell out,” I said.
(Exit the danger.)
“We’ll find a transit point and call a ride.”
(When shit gets weird, distance is your friend.)
“I can have our clothes picked up tomorrow.”
(Bet the stakes, not the odds.)
“Got it,” she said.
I squeezed her hand and led onward, blindly.
In the darkness I stepped into a cold, sticky, puddle and froze.
Behind me Twilight whispered a tiny, “what?”
“Don’t ask,” I breathed, turning to face her. Without explaining, I reached out and swept her up into my arms. I carried her carefully across the sticky pavement, trying to convince myself that it couldn't be covered in blood.
On the far side I set her down. Twilight put her hand on my shoulder; she reached up to touch my ear, then made a questioning tactile gesture we had mutually developed long ago – she was asking if I heard something.
My hand found hers, twice I touched her. Yes .
Stealthy and barely audible, there was something in the darkness with us. Sound was faint and directionless, but unmistakable. Hardly daring to breath I led Twilight onward. If we could get away from the water we might find the edge of the fog. When my fingertips brushed the smooth surface of a tall perimeter fence I knew it would only be a matter of time before were out. The occasional footsteps blindly shadowing us might be getting farther away, but I couldn't be sure.
Following the left hand rule we eventually found an exit-only gate and slipped through, easing it closed with only a minimal click.
Outside the park we found the air no clearer. The atmosphere was just as thick, proof against light, diffusive of sound. But hopefully we had left our quiet stalker behind. I switched hands, keeping touch with the wall as I hoped to avoid a switchback that might bring us closer to it.
There was the sound of an impact, feet landing on the pavement. Fog disguised distance and direction, but something had jumped over the wall. Something big.
My questing hand found an alcove where the wall diverted to leave a space around a light standard – not that there was any light. I pulled Twilight in with me as heavy footsteps drew near.
The unknown continued past us and stopped. Any hope that the presence in the fog was human died when a slow, rattling, croak sounded. I don’t know how it didn’t hear our hearts pounding, but neither of us breathed until its footsteps resumed and passed out of hearing.
After a pause that felt like eternities I stepped towards the mouth of our niche. There was no sound from the shadowy stalker; it could be a hundred metres away, it could be breathing down my very neck. The fog condensing on my skin felt greasy in the claustrophobic darkness. Behind us, a rattle, as of something dislodged from the top of the perimeter wall.
A speeder loomed out of the darkness, unheard until it was almost on top of us. It slid to an abrupt halt outside our hiding place. We froze as the side door swept open revealing a red-litten interior.
“Get in!” commanded Beulah from the helm.
At the EWO post, Edna gestured us to hurry.
Twilight took my hand as I stared dumbly. She pulled me to the vehicle and through the door.
As the door closed behind us I sensed rather than saw a blur of motion to my side, through the windscreen. Something had landed on the pavement just in front of the vehicle. Twilight’s eyes widened at whatever she had seen. Before I could try to get a better look, Beulah punched the accelerator. Twilight and I fell, landing in a pair of bucket seats that were clearly padded for safety, not comfort. As we fell, the unknown something crunched under the front the the speeder. There was a scraping under the hull as the vehicle passed over the body. Once past it, wheels counterspun and the speeder came about to face the ruined creature. Impact with the vehicle hadn’t done it any favors. It was a good bit larger than man-sized but broken enough that I wasn’t sure what shape it had been a few minutes ago. It sounded like a biped when it walked, but it didn’t much look like one now.
“I’ll go secure the remains,” Edna said.
“Take one of the kids with you.”
“You.” Edna pointed at me. “Take the weapons console and cover us. If anything, anything , besides us moves, open fire, do not pause to identify. We have an active CDP. Follow me, Princess.”
Twilight and Edna vanished out the door as I studied the console for any sign of movement. It There was sound at the aft of the speeder, and then they were back in view. Twilight dragged a heavy cable and Edna carried a bundle of wire netting on her shoulder.
“What’s a CDP?” I asked Beulah without looking up from my watch.
“Collateral Damage Permit,” she said. “But it’s better if we don’t need to invoke it.”
My focus was on the synthetic view as the two approached the dead thing. The multiband imager could see right through Twilight’s swimsuit, but I didn’t let the lurid green visualization of her nakedness distract me. Following my eyes, the console automatically opened a worm’s eye view from an artificial vantage between her feet. I dragged that window to the edge of the screen where it wouldn't interfere with watching over Twilight and Edna.
As I studied the shadows and mist for any movement there was a sound of gunfire, three rounds, and by force of will I did another sweep of the entire periphery before turning back to the two on the retrieval team. Nothing in my field of fire showed any reaction to the shots. Edna was rolling the dead thing onto the netting while Twilight examined Edna’s sidearm. I bet they don’t have three-fifty-seven magnums in Equestria!
“You know, she really is a princess,” I said.
“I’m not even surprised. You’re both lucky to have each other.”
“I’m the luckier one.”
“Well that remains to be seen, doesn’t it?”
I didn’t think there was any question, but I didn’t bother to argue.
Edna had bound the doubly deceased creature in the wire mesh and Twilight attached her cable to a lift grommet at one end of the resulting bundle.
Beulah pressed a button and the cable started reeling in; Edna and Twilight ran back to the speeder.
“No movement on the scope,” I reported, relinquishing the electronics warfare position as Edna slipped into the seat from the other side. “What was the shooting?”
“It wasn’t quite dead,” Edna said.
A davit swung out from above and the net-wrapped body was hauled up to the roof. A chime sounded as the cargo was secured and the speeder eased into motion – as the vehicle accelerated Edna put the weapons console in standby.
“Thanks for finding that fucker, kids. I took out its weapons and sensor suite with the EMP cannon, but that also cost me targeting data. Its body temperature is so low my IR can’t see it very far in the fog. I was tracking it by its radio emissions before I fried its electronics.”
“What was it?”
“Goddamn tourist,” Beulah said as she drove through the darkness, “a fucking trophy hunter.”
The speeder was up to speed the and inertials had kicked in and we could move about confidently. Only now did our hostesses notice that we were still dripping.
“Strip, you two,” Edna said. “Get out of those wet swimsuits.” Hot air blew out of a grill in response a touch to her console.
A moment later Twilight and I stood side by side, naked, our shivers subsiding. There was no point in trying to cover ourselves, the two strange women had already seen everything. Twilight held out her hand and I took it as we waited to see what they would do.
With the speeder switched over to autopilot, Beulah and Edna swiveled their seats around to face us.
“Well aren’t you two just delicious.” Beulah’s gaze was laden with very frank lust as she looked us both over. “Delicious.”
“Don’t worry,” Edna said, “she would no more interfere with you than she would use a flamethrower to cut a dew covered rose bud.” She banged a wall locker with her fist and the door popped open. “Towels.”
I took one and knelt to began drying Twilight, starting at her feet.
I was working up her calves towards her knees when Beulah asked, “did you hurt your feet boy?”
Sparing a glance over my shoulder I saw that the soles of my feet bore traces of red that confirmed my fears.
“I stepped in something at the water park,” I said. “I’m not hurt.”
“Looks like you stepped in someone, ” Beulah countered.
Continuing upwards with the towel, I was drying towards Twilight’s waist.
“Is that why you carried me?” she asked.
“Yes, Princess.” I raised my face to smile at her. Here I was, on my knees before her again and the view was more than captivating.
Twilight reached for my hands. I dropped the towel; it lay about her feet like the fallen drapes in a classical painting. Slowly she pulled me to my feet, drew my lips to hers.
The kiss might have gone on forever, but after a time she pulled back.
“Thank you for being so considerate.”
“My Princess.”
Again we kissed. I didn’t realize how hard my cock was getting until I poked Twilight.
“Well, I guess it’s nothing they haven’t seen us do, right? Shall we?”
“Twilight…” I protested as Beulah and Edna laughed.
“Can you ladies get us home?” I asked, “I live in the Oblique Path arcology.”
“Gladly, kiddos. And then we need to get some dead aliens to the lab.” Beulah gestured towards the roof of the speeder. “We’ve got another stiff up there besides the one we just picked up.”
“What about other survivors at the park?”
“I don’t expect there are any. But there’s already another team onsite doing the mop up. Our mission was to neutralize any threat actors who exited the site and you led the second one right to us.”
“So, what about earlier today?” Twilight asked. “Is the perv shtick just an act?”
“No, we really are lecherous voyeuristic grannies. We just happen to be monster hunters too.”
—
“Yeah, don’t go in there for a while,” Beulah said.
“No worries!” the reply came from the kitchen, “they’re fucking again. Can you believe,” Edna added as Beulah traced her voice to its source, “he’s got almost nothing but FooSuBa’s and frozen shit in here.”
The two monster hunters had followed the young lovers to the fellow’s apartment to use the facilities. Their host and hostess had vanished almost immediately.
Beulah grabbed a FSB without looking what flavor; she crammed half of it in her mouth, semi-edible wrapper and all.
“Leths go.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Our exertions at, escaping from, and after,the water park had left me sleeping soundly, but I woke to the sound of Twilight weeping.
“What’s wrong, honey? Are you hurt? Did I do something wrong?”
“N-n-n-no, I’m just worried and a little home-sick,” she sniffled as I snuggled closer and gathered her into my arms. “I love being with you, I love being your lover, but what if Celestia expels me from my postdoctoral studies? What if she says I can’t be her student any more? What if she decides I’m not a princess anymore? I don’t care about the title or the crown, even the castle, but my wings! What if—”
Twilight was starting to panic and hyperventilate at the thought of losing her wings.
“Shhhhh, honey, honey, honey, you’re Twilighting!” I held her close “Don’t fret so much, lets talk about it calmly, alright?”
“Ok,” she sniffled.
“Has Celestia ever punished you harshly for anything you’ve ever done, even mistakes?”
“Never! But this time I disobeyed her.”
“Did you? What was her actual command?”
“She said I must comply with my sentence from the arcane justice department after my trial. No more dream magic.”
“Are you dreaming now? Did you come to me in a dream that night that we flew over the city?”
“N-n–”
“Is this a dream, my love?”
I ran my fingers up her leg, cupped soft flesh, gently brushed sensitive nerve endings; my mouth found the sweetness of her lips and I offered up what distraction I could from the toils of her nocturnal panic attack.
“Mmmm, I hope we’re not dreaming anymore,” she said after the kiss, “but I’m neglecting my duties in Equestria.”
“What are your duties? Aren’t you mostly a full time student, and a fixer for her Highness?”
“Fixer? What’s that? (Put your hand back there.)”
“When all Tartarus breaks loose, when blood rains from the sky, and when little Betsy’s kitty is stuck in the tree. You fix it.”
“Are you teasing me?” Twilight pouted.
“Neigh, but I would have you consider what you have done for Equestria. I bet you’ve saved the world over and over since the last adventure I know of.”
“Which was?”
“Stygian’s shadow and the pillars and Starswirl.”
“Oh, that was five years ago, you’ve missed a lot.”
“Well I hope I never miss another Twilight adventure, I want to be at your side!”
“Count on it, I’m sure you can tag along sometimes.” That wasn’t quite what I had in mind. “By the way, Starswirl isn’t anypony’s hero any more. Just sayin’. I’m not going to go into details. But there are still plenty of adventures to have.”
“And in between emergencies both dire and dull, some rest is needed. Like now.”
“I hope Celestia agrees. I’ve never taken a long personal break before.”
“Never? Doesn’t her Highness give you time off?”
“She does, and she’s always on my case about not using my PTO. And now I vanish for days and days and I didn’t even tell anypony I was leaving. I’ll be ruined if the Princess is disappointed in me for this. You should have seen what a wreck I was after my brother’s wedding. Even after being proven right in the end, her assumption that I was just being a brat about Cadance really hurt. I moped for a month after that.”
“I never understood how she could have doubted you. Yet another time you saved Equestria. And in spite of the fact that you suffered the most at her agency, you offered Chrysie the hoof of friendship after the hive was defeated.”
“That poor creature. I could almost hate the changeling tribe for being saved without her. Killing her, when we fought the new hive, broke my heart.”
“See what I mean? You are the most incredible pony for even caring about her, trying to save her.”
I’d have to ask about that revelation later.
“It’s just who I am. Friendship! And stuff. At least Celestia should have figured out that I went to your world. I hope that she can find me if there is an emergency.”
“Of course she can. Have faith in your teacher. Even if she has not always had enough faith in you. Now, about homesickness. Can’t I come live with you in Equestria? You know I don’t fit in here.”
“Do you really want to?”
“More than I can say.”
“We don’t have quantum ovens that can heat a frozen entree in zero seconds and mountain-tall buildings in Equestria.”
“I was ready to leave this world when I first met you—” p lease don’t let her ask exactly what I mean by that, I silently prayed “—and if I really miss those things, the engineering is already done, I’m sure it’s in a book somewhere.”
“Really? You’ll be mine forever?”
“I already am.”
“Squeee!”
I had almost fallen back to sleep when Twilight spoke again.
“Since when am I a verb?” she asked.
“Well there’s nopony else I would rather action.”
“What if I wasn’t a princess any more?”
“You could be a Sasquatch with a big hairy schlong and I would still love you and make love with you.”
“I don’t believe in Bighoof, but Pinkie could probably sell me some toys that would let me test the veracity of your boast. Or I could use magic and really surprise you.”
I rolled onto my stomach and spread my legs.
“Surprise away, just let me rest and use some lube.”
“Not tonight dear one,” she laughed, “I am saving my magic until I can bring you home. Once you are safely hidden away in Ponyville Castle I will delve into such arcane kink as will put me at risk of ejection from the college of magic.”
“I look forward to it,” I said with only the least bit of trepidation.
“But until then I want you to fuck me human-style as much as possible. And I’ve only had you once so far tonight!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Wake up, Princess sticky-crotch!” I called to Twilight. “Shower up and get some breakfast in you. We’ve got another excursion planned.”
Twilight sat up and yawned. “Where to?”
“It’s a surprise, unless you don’t like surprises today.”
“I love surprises when you give them to me.” She sniffed. “Yeah, I definitely need that shower. Will you be joining me to help scruuuuuub?”
“It sorrows me to say this, but no. I’ve already showered and I have (dunt, dunt, dunnn!) preparations. Let me dial in a nice shower setting for you.” I hoped the ‘dawn glory’ program I had downloaded would appeal to the protégé of the Sun Princess.
I fetched an outfit for Twilight, put it on the counter with a note reading “wear this” and sat down to enjoy the exotic ombre chinoise displayed on the shower curtain. The golden glow of simulated sunrise filled the shower enclosure and back-lit Twilight in exquisite contrast. She seemed to spend a lot of time getting her clitoris clean – hurrah for attention to detail, but maybe a second shower would have been a good idea for me after all.
As soon as the water stopped I scarpered to my tiny kitchen and started cooking up the pancake batter I had prepared before waking the Princess.
By the time she appeared wearing the clothes I had discreetly purchased for her, breakfast was ready.
—
Transit deposited us back at street level. We stood before the largest library on remaining on Terra, a visually unimpressive structure. Brutalist grey geopolymer, a mere hundred or so floors showing above ground, in a perfect cube.
“Behold!” I said, “the squaramid of doom.”
“It clearly says ‘Library’ on the front of the building. And below that, it says ‘no public access’.”
“It’s the librarrrrry,” I trilled, “of dooooooom.”
Additional to the hundred floors we could see from the street, there were some fifty-ish floors, that I knew, of below ground. This was where the best stuff was found. I was sure Landers knew the depths better than me, but I was also sure he was the only person who did. So when I needed an unobserved corner to spring my surprise for Twilight, I knew exactly where to take her.
A side door yielded to my access credentials and a freight elevator, dusty for long disuse, plunged us into the depths.
“And here is the secret archive…” I said as I lead her through the empty hallways. It was only a slight simplification on my part. They were secret in the sense that they were forgotten, listed as destroyed a century ago by someone too lazy to haul them to the shredder. But it was true that, “some of these books are half a millennium old or older.”
Volumes in the deeper levels were obscenely old compared to this mere handful of centuries.
“We shouldn’t be in here without permission,” Twilight whispered portentously, then, “eeeeee! - just try to stop me!”
“Trust me, Twi, I know my way around, I could ride an elephant in the front door without being noticed. And I know you love books.”
I was leading her to a corner away from the door. Where one of the lights just happened to be dimmer than the rest. “Look at those ones with the faded red binding on the bottom shelf.”
Twilight got down on her knees and elbows to examine them. Carefully she slipped a volume from the shelf. She opened it to the title page and read out loud.
“‘Oregon Territory District Court Jurisprudence 1807-1828 volume three of eight’ Why am I looking at these in particular?”
“Because it puts your sweet ass in just the right position for…”
I knelt behind her, flipped her skirt up.
“♥!” Twilight’s reaction was nonverbally succinct approval.
I would have to explain the significance of the outfit I had chosen for her, but later. Sad, but the panties would have to give their life to perfect the setting. I grabbed the waistband and broke the elastic, tore the thin fabric until I could remove them from her.
“Mmmm” said Twilight, “tweed skirt, white blouse, dorky glasses, a dark aisle of shelves, every librarian’s classic fantasy. How did you know?”
Evidently I did not need to explain anything at all.
“Now’s the part where you call me a bitch whore and gag me with my own underwear,” she purred.
“We gotta skip the insults baby, I am too much in love with you, I can’t do it like that.” I took the torn panties – they were damp in a way that suggested Twilight’s library fantasy had been on her mind for a while. “But this part I got.”
I stuffed the ruined panties into Twilight’s mouth, tied the dangling ends behind her head.
Now I unbuttoned her blouse and removed her brassier; I tied her wrists together with it.
“Try to scream now, my little pony, muhahaha, nopony will save you from your wildest hot sexy dream coming delightfully true…”
“Mmmmmff mmmmffff!” Twilight gave a happy little mock cry. In all truth the panties would not have stopped any actual attempt to call for help, no more than the loose knot of her bra really restrained her hands. On the other hand, I had personally disabled all sensors in this lost chamber of the library and no matter how loudly we enjoyed the scenario, nothing was going to disturb us.
“Here’re the insults for you now. You are so beautiful I could just kneel and worship you in sybaritic ecstasy all day. Your purple buttocks” I cupped them and squeezed hard “are round and full of delight like the grapes from which flow the wine of ecstasy. Your labia” as I spoke I ran my fingertip slowly up one lip, down the other, and then between them “are a cryptic smile full of secrets I long to kiss from you. This” I circled my finger around her clitoris lightly brushing its hardness “is the jeweled pivot upon which the galaxy spins in giddy euphoria. And here—” I slipped two fingers into her vagina, slid them slowly in and out “—flows that wine of delight.” She was really wet and moved with my touch. Still sliding fingers in and out, I slipped my other hand inside her open blouse, massaged a breast. “Oh, the Fruit of the Tree of Pleasure…” I lowered my head so I could get my face down under her tail. “The forbidden gateway…” I murmured and placed a kiss on her anus. I licked around and around, not penetrating. Twilight wiggled and moaned. I pulled my hand from her breast and spidered the fingers down to her groin where I resumed rubbing her clitoris. Twilight’s moans grew louder. Hearing and touching her were making me crazy with lust. With a supreme effort I kept my motions steady, did not rush my lover, but surely she could feel the heat of my breath grow fierce under her tail as I licked and panted.
Twilight twisted her hands around in their improvised bindings. Pushing the book out of the way she rested the side of her face on the glossy surface of the floor and with her bound wrists crossed under her chest began pinching and rolling her own nipples. Louder still grew her moans through the minimally effective gag. She bit down on the shredded panties to keep quiet as her orgasm began.
“unggggg unggggg unggggg do me nowwwwww,” she mumbled around the gag, her words semi-unintelligible as her face was still on the floor. It would have been delicious to tease her and draw it out it out longer, but I needed her as much as she needed me.
I fumbled my pants open, and thrust my hardness deep into her heat.
“Oh Celestia, Twilight, I am not going to last long.” Frankly I would have probably come on the first stroke if I hadn’t had a clop while she was showering this morning.
I sprawled forward so I could hold her breasts to pull myself against her. She still had her face to the floor, one hand rubbing her clitoris, the other reaching further down to touch my cock as I slid in and out of her.
“Twi… here it comes, I'm gonna-”
“Mmmmf face!” she spat the gag out of her mouth, “come on my face!”
I withdrew and stood, grabbed Twilight’s shoulders and pulled her up to a kneeling position. She still rubbed her clitoris, and slid two fingers of her other hand into the pussy I just vacated. I grabbed a handful of her purple hair and held her close, stared into her eyes. With the other hand on my firm shaft, I stroked myself and rubbed the head against Twilight’s face. She stuck her tongue out and licked me as I rubbed on her mouth. I rapidly approached the edge and went off like a geyser. Still staring into her violet eyes I milked my cock for every millisecond of pleasure and every drop of semen. My field of vision filled with fireworks until only her eyes were left unoccluded and I wobbled with vertigo.
“Oh, Twi, Twi, Twilight my only light…”
I collapsed to the floor and pulled her into my arms. Her face was soaked, slathered with semen. It ran down her forehead, under her glasses and into her eyes. It dripped from her nose. And it covered her lips which I kissed as though my life depended on it.
“You truly have conquered,” she murmured between kisses.
“I dare you,” I said as I caught my breath, “to go out in public with that all over your face.”
“I totally would,” she coyly replied, “but you’re about to lick it all off.”
And I did.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
27-Deeper. In the Library.
Once more I licked Twilight’s face clean of semen. But this time it was my own, not a misguided tentacle monster. And this time instead of weeping she was basking in my attention and the afterglow of her own pleasure. Again and again I kissed her as I cleaned her.
“Can it end like this, Twilight?” I asked. “You and me. The purpose of the multiverse, complete.”
“Mmmm, no baby I promise you this is only the beginning.”
“Okay, as long as our tale is long and epic.”
“Speaking of long and epic—” she cupped my balls and in her hand “—how long do we wait until you are ready for another epic?”
“Unless you want to spend some magic and be stuck in my world longer, I need an hour or more. I, uh, really got off. The boys tell me they are well and truly drained.”
“?” Twilight’s glance was a question.
In reply I looked down at her cupping hand and nodded.
“Oh! Well, good job ‘boys’ that was lovely,” she said, massaging my balls. “How shall we enjoy our refractory interval? Is it safe to hang out here? Those reading chairs look comfortable enough, but is there any better reading material around here than ancient court cases?”
“Well, it’s safe enough here, somepony disabled the intrusion sensors. We could move in here and it would be years before we got caught. But all the books on this whole floor are pretty dull – the raw background data of history without the insights, crosslinks, and summaries. It was supposed to be shredded centuries ago, its all been digitized. If you want to read any of it, its all available on the console back at my place. To get to the books on magic, the ones that can’t be digitized, we gotta go deeper.”
“Deeeeeeper sound great.” She gave me a sexy smile with her eyes half-lidded. “Anywhere to clean up a little more?”
“There used to be staff housing a couple levels down, ages ago. We can find a unit with a working shower.”
We dressed and made the trek down to the housing level, detouring the long way around sections where we might be noticed. I made a point of “randomly” picking the dom’ I had prepared.
Twilight tried to turn on the lights but nothing happened when she waved her hand.
“I got this, babe.” I grabbed a candle and turning my back briefly to Twilight I drew flame from my fingertip to light the candle. I used the first candle to light a few more. Twilight watched me, one eyebrow raised.
“I’ll go way out on a limb here and assume that the other century-abandoned domicile units are not equipped with romantic candlelight.”
“That would be correct. There’s even soap and toilet paper in the bathroom too. Shall we move in a showerwardly direction?”
“Indeed we shall,” she said, shedding clothes as she went.
“The autowash works too!” I boasted as I followed her, gathering her clothes back off the floor.
There wasn’t even dust on the floor.
In the shower we washed each other by candlelight.
“I hope by now you’ve learned to read some of my subtle clues—”
“Like the primitive guttural moans?” I murmured
“—but just in case I want you to know that I really enjoyed that. Seriously.”
The shower was basic compared to the one at my domicile but we were more interested in scrubbing and and exploring each other than comparative plumbing minutia and analysis.
—
“Towels, what a luxury,” Twilight remarked as we dried off, “and rather unexpected in an abandoned home.”
“And the sheets are clean if you would care to join me, my love”
“Your snares are ever beset with more snares, o dark seducer of the librarian.”
“You’re one to talk, o violet seducer of this librarian.”
“Who’s a librarian? You are? Too?”
“My current job title is Senior Research Librarian. I can confidently say that I know the arcane texts of this world better than anyone else alive even if I am not a user. But mostly I’m writing my master’s thesis on the use of Synthetic Lexical Theory to prove the existability of at least one meta-epistemology to reconcile mutually exclusive expistemies.”
“Can that really exist? If you have contradictory facts, which may exist under unrelated theories of knowledge, how can you create a unified framework of cognition?”
“I argue that no fact can stand alone, but is merely shorthand for a meta-fact subsidiary upon an array of assumptions which are usually not even noticed, let alone specified. My task is to prove that it is possible to sufficiently enumerate the unspoken paradigms such that fact and contra-fact can comfortably interact in a coherent absolute calculus. Honestly, it turned out to be a natural continuation of the studies for my bachelors degree in cryptoliterature subtext analysis. I think some of the old sages were already on this track.”
“Oh. Em. Cee. You are a huge bucking dork. Just like me. Why didn’t you tell me you were a librarian?”
“I told you I love you. My studies, career path, the universes and indeed breathing seem such very small things in contrast.”
“Dork,” she said and kissed me hard. “You totally, dorky, delicious, dork.”
“Also, you never actually asked, my tender dorkett.”
“A mere technicality, vile pedant!” she laughed as she straddled me on the bed. “To avoid any potential for uncertainty, I’m asking now: is this—” she reached behind herself to squeeze “—ready for action?”
“Lets go, I’m ready.”
“Commencing round two! You want me on my knees or my back?”
“Lets stay like this? If you slide a little you can lower yourself onto me and you can be in control.”
“Sounds tricky, but nice”
It was tricky. And very nice.
“I like this.” Twilight cooed, “something different about the angle inside me. But I’m not sure if I have the leg strength to get myself all the way. Is it working for you?”
“It’s great, and the view from here is fantastic. I wish you could see this. Its super sexy watching it slide in and out of you.”
She raised herself up high enough that the corona of my cock head just peeped from between her pussy lips. When she slid back down my full length we both said “Oh, yeah…” in unison.
“Hold on a second,” she said like I had a choice – she was driving. She leaned over and grabbed her costume glasses from the side table. She put them on and recommenced her grinding. “Do these make me look like a total dork?”
“Definitely.”
“Do I really do look like a dork?”
“Mega-dorkage,” I confirmed.
“Isn’t it great?”
“Yeah!”
Twilight continued to ride me until she sounded close; but she was looking tired. Unsure whether pleasure or exhaustion would win, I took my hands from her breasts and braced my elbows on the bed.
“Here, babe,” I reached up to take her hands.
We wove our fingers together and she took some of her weight off of her legs. Shifting herself, she was able to grind with renewed vigor.
Our eyes met, and as her orgasm began mine was just on the edge of inevitability. The contractions of her vaginal muscles, squeezing my cock, pushed me over the line and I spent myself profligately in her silken depths.
“Oh, by the mane of the Kellestrix, Twi I could fall into your eyes forever,” I panted.
She was still coming hard when my climax had ended; I focused my entire will on maintaining my erection for so long as she should need it. Eventually I softened and slid out; Twilight continued slide her drenched vulva against me.
“More,” she sighed.
Experimentally I tightened my pelvic muscles – nothing would be happening down there for a while, I was done. But I couldn't disappoint my princess.
Lasciviously I winked and licked my lips.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The first thing I noticed was the decorative tabs on the front of the top she was wearing.
Returning from a half-day of work at the library I found Twilight in the Avani costume Leon had given me.
“Sorry for leaving you alone here,” I said.
“It’s my own fault for telling you that old formula. Did you get it recorded?”
“Yep, and I penciled in a few theories for the next few years of research. I see you went exploring.”
“How do I look?” she asked. She rocked herself from side to side so that the skirt swayed like a tolling bell. With an awkward smile she spun around; the skirt lifted to show off her legs above the knees.
“Delightful. But its also a little weird seeing you in those clothes.”
“The fabric is unlike any of the clothes you bought me. Did these belong to an old girlfriend?”
She looked wistful, but I was gratified that it was not jealousy I saw in her eyes.
“Girlfriend? No, it’s weirder than that. I wore those for Leon so he could pretend that I was the girl he loves. Before she fell for him.”
“Okay, that’s pretty weird.” She drew nearer until we stood nose to nose. “So, mister surrogate girlfriend, did you put out?”
“I did.”
“Tell me about your smoking hot date with Leon.” Coyly she added, “we can act it out, too. You be Leon and I’ll be you.”
“You slip into the dreamworld,” I began, “and find yourself in a poorly lit room…”
—
I was disoriented by a dim room I’d never seen before. Judging from the mixture of martial and scholarly accouterments it must be—
“My room in Selphia,” said Leon.
“Do I finally get to see the town?”
“Certainly. Will you pretend to be Avani until such time as we wake in our separate worlds?”
“Yes, Leon.” I blushed. I knew quite well what acting out his dreams of Selphia’s acting princess would entail. “I will be Avani for you.”
“ Then, my lady Avani,” he smiled, “I have a small gift for you.” He handed me a bundle of clothes, a green forest outfit. “Wear this for our date. I shall avert my gaze while you don it.”
I slipped out of my pajamas. I stood there, heart pounding, tempted to simply throw myself at Leon without visiting his fabled hometown. The moment passed and I began to struggle with the Selphian garb. There were no magnetic closures, the undergarments did not self- adjust to fit their cargo, but eventually I figured it out. And like Leon had described Avani wearing , the top had tabs of fabric resting directly over my nipples. From each tab hung a rectangular link of metal, as from an ornamental chain.
His room held no mirror, but at last I was dressed.
“ How do I look?” I asked. I rocked myself from side to side so that the skirt swayed like a tolling bell. With an awkward smile I spun around; the skirt lifted to show off my legs above the knees.
“Delightful, my lady. The waking Avani is pale as a white peach in the sun; but the verdal tint contrasts your colouration as lovely as it would compliment hers.”
We left the inn and Leon showed me around. Finally I was seeing the places and meeting the people I had only heard about.
Throughout the town, everybody we met addressed me as Avani – else I might have wondered if we were truly dreaming at all . They politely turned away each time we kissed, even the long kisses.
From atop a tower of the city wall Leon pointed out the buildings of the city, the landmarks of the surrounding plains, all painted golden in sunset .
“ And thus, at last you come to Selphia! Would my lady like to see anything more of the town?”
“ What about Ventuswill the holy dragon? I’ve never met a dragon before! There are none left in my world.”
“ I have misgivings, but let us risk it.”
Leon led me to the castle, into the great vaulted chamber where the sacred dragon dwelt.
“ Behold, ” he whispered, “the Divine Wind, the incarnate Will of Lord Ventu.”
Slowly the dragon raised her head.
“Leon, you should know better tha n to think I won’t know what you dream about me.”
“I had my doubts.” He knelt before Ventuswill .
“Rise, rise,” the dragon said. She wav ed one clawed hand with apparent annoyance – the look on her face belied the gesture. “You gave up your life for me, Leon. If you need to lay pretty boys until the earthmate comes to her senses, by which I mean your bed, I will not rat you out to her.”
I grabbed Leon’s arm when he stood. “Thank you, Ventuswill!” I said as I cuddled against him.
She spoke gently, but sternly, “you ought to curtsy when you speak to me. Do you know how?”
“ I do not.”
The dragon sighed.
“Place your primary foot behind your other foot.”
I fumbled on my feet.
“By primary I mean same side as your writing hand. At the same time lower your chin almost to your chest.”
I slid my left foot behind my right and lowered my chin.
“If your skirts were fuller you would pull them out to the sides. Now bend your knees, keeping your body upright.”
I dipped and glanced up waiting for further instruction.
“ Lower,” she said.
My skirt was hung up on my knee – I hoped Ventuswill would not notice my bulging panties. Suddenly they were not bulging: a lacy bit of silk intended to nestle against a princess’s delicate petals slipped aside and my cock and balls were hanging out for a dragon’s inspection.
A flicker of humor showed in her gaze. But all she said was, “ now r ise.”
I did so, hoping Leon would not guess why I was blushing; standing beside me, he could not see my wardrobe malfunction.
“Now you may properly address me.”
“Thank you, o holy Ventuswill . Thank you for your kindness to my friend Leon. And thank you for you r patience with my lack of courtly manner. Such courtesies are unheard of where I come from and no disrespect is meant .”
“Be well, little mortal.” The dragon smiled with sad wisdom. “Don’t mind the rough parts.”
Offering no explanation for her words she ruffled her prismatic wings and lay her great head back down. We tip-toed out into the night.
Leon took my hand, held it tight. The evening life of the city was still sparkling with activity but his eyes were dark and smoky as he led me back to his quarters.
“ Am I doing well?” I asked after he closed the room door.
“ Well? Doing well? You are doing so well I would ravish you instanter if only you gave me your consent.”
I curtsied again, but not quite so low as I had for Ventuswill.
“By acting this role I have given you my consent for whatever you wish, my L ord.”
My voice caught, and I whispered the word 'whatever'. It was far too late to draw boundaries.
I looked up and his fiery gaze was fixed on me.
In a heartbeat Leon had me pushed against the wall, his tongue deep in my mouth. Reaching below my skirt he put his strong hands under my bottom and easily lifted me from the floor. I wrapped my legs around him as he ground the straining hardness in his trousers against me.
“ Avani, Avani, Avani,” he moaned between kisses as he buried his face against my neck.
His fervor made me dizzy, I could only say one word.
“ Bed.”
—
Twilight lay face down on my bed, panting. She had struck the same pose as I had when Leon had finished with me, the position I had woken in when the dream ended. Like I had been, she was still wearing the green clothes, the the top pulled up to expose breasts, skirt flipped upward and panties pulled aside. And like me she had howled to be filled with molten lust.
Eventually she spoke.
“That was bucking intense, your Selphian dream.”
I had collapsed beside her. I was pressed up against her, one hand casually playing with the stickiness between her thighs. Just as Leon had done in the final moments of dream.
“It was epic in either role. Giving or receiving.”
“I’m glad he was treating you to a good time when I was being a bitch.”
“Shhhh. We don’t use the Bee word to describe a Princess of Equestria. My Princess of Equestria.”
She never needed to know just how devastating her initial rejection had been.
“Did you come—” Twilight rolled so we could face each other. I kissed her before she finished her question. “—when you were the one getting pounded?”
“No, but I didn’t need to. It was fantastic anyway.”
“I sure did.” She grinned; we kissed again.
“What did the dragon mean,” Twilight asked, “rough parts?”
“Not a clue.” Somehow I felt like those great, wise, sad eyes were still on me. “But so long as I have you at my side…”
“Don’t worry—” she sealed the promise with another kiss “—you will.”
—
When Leon woke, the green outfit was gone and a pair of grey pajamas of strange smooth cloth lay neatly folded on the chair , buried under his own discarded clothes.
“ This is getting out of control,” he said to the empty room, “I gotta talk to Avani…”
Author's Note
Somewhere, out there on the 'net, there is a stand alone version of this chapter told from a different viewpoint, but I can't link to it on account of the the 'no NSFW links' rule. And I can't post it here on account of there not being any ponies.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Days passed and Twilight grew increasingly energetic. Not just her personal enthusiasm which was part of her identity, there was a magical crackle to her as she recharged. I suspected that the ability to sense her growing power was part of my Alicorn nature that I had been told to hide. So I did not say anything about it though I basked in her glow. Every day it grew stronger but I noticed the largest increases corresponded with our lovemaking. I couldn’t ask if my perception was correct, but I gave myself to her often out of the abundant purity of my wish to aid her.
Or so I kidded myself; she seemed to have no complaint.
—
“Tangent,” said Twilight one day, “I think I’m ready. Ready to take you home with me. Recharged at last – it wouldn’t have take even an hour back home.”
I was pretty sure she could have cast the spell sooner, but I can’t blame her for wanting a safety margin. Especially after she had used her power all the way down to zero flying with me.
“Is there anything you want to take to Equestria?”
“Some of your fancy Terran coffee! And whatever books or whatnot you need. I can help carry if you have too much, otherwise, load me up with 30 kilos of coffee beans.”
“That’s a lot of beans!” I laughed.
“I’m not doing inter-dimensional travel for a cup of joe. So I gotta bring enough to last a while.”
—
It took another day to gather everything, but at last I had it ready. For myself, a backpack, mostly laden with books. (I grimaced with guilt at the thought of the silent eidolon weighting the bottom compartment of the pack.) Twilight’s requested bounty resided in two bags she could hang across her shoulders.
“You seem almost frantic about this,” she said. “Are you okay?”
For the eighth time I had checked all our bags.
“I’ll try to calm down and not widdle myself. You are just returning to your normal life—” I paused as the emotion overcame me “—whereas I am going home for the first time.”
“And you’re sure your okay with this? Changing species?”
“Totally okay.”
“No more fingers. No more toes. You’ll have a tail.”
“Looking forward to it, Princess.”
I was grinning eagerly now, and she mirrored my expression.
“Listen.” Twilight took my hands. “Whatever glimpse of Equestria you’ve seen in human stories, ah, I can’t even explain, the real thing is going to be a billion times better. Equestria is not some artificially sweetened fairy-tale, it’s a real world. A good world.”
“And I’ll finally be part of your world.”
“Is there anyone you need to say goodbye to? You told me about your so-called,” she snorted disdainfully, “‘family’.”
“Nah. My boss is waycool, but technically it’s been a crime harboring you here. I wouldn’t want to turn him into an accessory after the fact.”
“Harboring? Harboring‽ You’ve been harboring me?”
“Technically I have been. According to the letter of the law, yes. And the spirit of the law, too. And at risk of the traditional jackbooted enforcement of the law.”
“It sounds so clandestine and mysterious!” She sidled up to me and rubbed her hip against my crotch. “Say, how would you like to make love to a dangerous fugitive? I can be most persuasive with my gratitude.” Twilight adopted a terrible, fake, Stalliongrad accent. “I veell geef my body to yoo, eef yoo veell keep me heedden.”
“Da, comrade,” I jested back, “yoo veell be droppink ze trousers now.”
Twilight complied and stood there giggling with pants and panties around her ankles. She bent over, bracing her hands on her knees as she slowly waved her backside at me, her tail swaying hypnotically, swishing from side to side, granting me only brief glimpses at the treasure beneath.
I unzipped and pulled my cock out of my pants. I wasn’t quite hard yet, but it wouldn't be long. Um. A long time , I mean. Meanwhile, I grabbed her hips and parked the tip right at the top of her buttcrack just under the dock of her tail.
“Now yoo relaxeeng anus for ze penetration,” I spoke as deep and gruffly as I could, “Do not be worry, dees won’t hurrt me at all.”
“Uhhhh wait,” Twilight squawked, “wait! No!”
I froze.
“Backing away now,” I said, and did.
Twilight turned to face me, pants still down, hopped to me and threw herself into my arms. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I panicked for a second there.”
“It’s okay, Twi, I’m not going to do anything you don’t want. I’m sorry for scaring you, I was just being silly.”
“But you stopped instantly . When I said ‘no’. Don’t think I didn’t notice that.” She touched her nose to mine and smiled. “A mare likes to know that she can trust a stallion. And in your case, I trust you absolutely.”
“Twilight, that means more to me than I can say. I will never betray your trust.”
“I know. If you really want to do me that way—” she swallowed as she considered what she was saying “—you can. I saw you get boned in the ass, and you didn’t die from it. And I survived those tentacles, though they were a bit less girthy than some protuberances I might name.” Her gaze flickered towards my groin. “I know you’ll stop if I can’t take it as well as you can.”
“My Princess, if you want it ‘that way’ your servant obliges you in all things. Else, I am more than satisfied with alternative entry points you have provided me with access to, to date.”
“If you put it thusly—” she was relieved, the vulnerability gone from her voice “—let us continue to utilize those alternatives for now. Tell me as soon as you get bored with them.”
“Never,” I breathed and held her closer, “never and never, ever.”
“My pants are still down,” she reminded, “just in case you’ve forgotten.”
I slid my hands down to her bottom, grasped twin handfuls of bare, supple, purple, buttock.
“Indeed they are, Highness,” I said, “very indeed, indeed.”
I continued squeezing. And kneading.
And squeezing.
Warm and resilient, for a time her ass was my world.
“Did you maybe want to, er, do me?” Twilight finally asked. The urgency pressing against her belly as I massaged her rear shouldn’t have left much doubt.
“Indeed I do want very much to do you or be done by you.” Still squeezing. “Shall we ravish us each other right here where we stand, or on the floor? Shall I carry you to my bed and have my way of you? Or do you lead me now, at last, to yours?”
“Are you ready to leave this world forever and ever?”
I released her bum and grabbed my pack from the floor. Books, a few gadgets, and Bear’s compute module weighted the pack down. I still hadn’t woken Bear up since I had told him to power down, but I couldn’t abandon him. There was no need to bring clothes since I did not own any in pony sizes. Twilight’s two large bags of whole bean coffee were ready to go – but she stepped out of her fallen pants and finished undressing before grabbing the load.
“I don’t know what will happen if we’re wearing human clothes when we pony up,” she explained.
I quickly stripped off my clothes and folded them on the floor beside the heap of Twilight’s.
“Ready.”
We stood naked, face to face, bags slung on our shoulders. Twilight reached out and took my hands.
“Okay,” she said, “one last thing. I gotta know what I propose to bring into Equestria. So it’s pop quiz time, here’s your final exam, one question, high stakes, all or nothing. If you had to choose between loyalty to Celestia or to me, what would you do?”
Panic surged like a tsunami, threatening to wash me away. How could I possibly choose between the princess I loved and and the princess I would accept as my ruler? Then I remembered a goddess’s words and my fear evaporated. Was this calm now filling my heart faith?
It was enough.
“I will obey—” solemnly I whispered the holy name of the pony goddess.
Twilight’s horn began to illuminate as she released my hands – did I fail?
Specks of light were gyring around her.
“That will do quite nicely. You pass my test, Tangent Zeitwaffen Akos.” There were tears of joy in her eyes and this, this moment, was truly the beginning of my life.
The magic glow around my truelove, my very own Princess, was still increasing.
“Welcome home,” she said.
The space between worlds opened before us and our bodies began to change.
A life, a world where I had never belonged, fell away like a shadow departing.
There was an impression of wings against brightness.
I squinted in the blinding light.
Author's Note
Here Ends
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Exhilarating.
Plunging into a vacuous sky, falling through unformed voids of less than nothing. Too many years of lying to myself, she had been right all along. Worthless, I should have been born a girl. Like an infinite chasm, depression yawned around me, and my control was perfect. Not a sign, not a twitch, betrayed my mood.
After a quick breakfast, I spent the morning cleaning. The machines maintained most things well enough, but it took a human touch to make them shine . With spritz of cleaner and a damp cloth I laid the groundwork for the final act of my deception.
I even hummed a little with anticipation – this would be over soon. Careful not to rush my charade, I polished surfaces that had not been touched since the last time I cleaned.
Kitchen – as spotless when I started, as when I finished
Dining room – untouched as a Pharaoh’s tomb
Family room – what family?
My study – the one room I truly spent time in
Finally I addressed my guardian.
“Hey, shutdown for a minute so I can clean you.”
“There is no need.”
“C’mon, I can’t just spray it in your face.”
“What face? I’m waterproof.”
He was a nearly featureless rectangular solid, packed with unearthly technologies.
I smiled tolerantly and fidgeted with the sprayer. Everything hinged on this moment.
“Wake me up with the green button.” If he had been human, he would have sighed.
I forced myself to breath calmly until all the indicator lights darkened. Cloth and cleaner fell to the floor, forgotten.
In the bathroom a hidden stock of sleeping pills would be sufficient to float me to a permanent rest. Stashed behind a tub of antiseptic ointment, I had accumulated twenty three of the pale, flat, ovoids over the course of years. Stay up late reading, feign sleeplessness, fake swallowing a pill, add it to the collection. No more than once a month, a careful plot to avoid notice. Any tic of mania could have betrayed me, but I stayed true to my purpose. And now, exulting on the edge of a final abyss, I washed them all down.
Maximum safe dosage: no more than two in twenty four hours.
Drowsiness hit as I stumbled to bed.
There was a final moment of clarity – my act of betrayal was unconscionable and I would never get to repent.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
Would I dream?
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Here Begins the Second Art of Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony :
A New Life in Equestria
30-Equestria
Sparkles of magic faded away and I found that I was really standing on my own four hooves in Equestria.
The air was sweeter than anything I had ever breathed on Terra. The grass, the hills, the trees were more shades of green then I could have imagined. The stinky raccoon dung under my left rear hoof was more real, more perfect, more authentically foul smelling than any raccoon dung I had ever stepped in before. I shook my hoof and wiped it on the grass.
“Look at me! I’m a pony! I can trot!” I suited the action to the word. “I can canter! I can gallop!” I did so in a small circle, returning to Twilight’s side. “I can side-step! Woo-hoo!” Then I lept straight up, all four hooves leaving the ground.
Twilight was back in her pony form as well. She tackled me, we rolled and she came up on top, planted a wet kiss on my mouth. Even her kisses were better in Equestria.
“Wow!” said Twilight, “you’re a natural. I expected it to take a while for you to learn to walk steady on four feet. How do you know the gaits?”
“I had the great honor,” my elation faded slightly both with the true memory and the galling necessity of some painful duplicity, “of being my eldmost sister’s squire at dressage. She was not a kind horsewoman, but I learned to respect the horses.”
“And now you are one of us!”
“Yes! With the royal alicorn mare I adore! In Equestria! Its like a dream!”
The hillside meadow where we stood commanded a nice view of, but not a militarily significant position above, Ponyville Castle. Beyond lay Ponyville. Twilight saw me glance towards town.
“Lets go introduce you to ponies in a while. I want you all to myself for just a little longer.” She started trotting down the hill, her cargo of coffee slung across her back. The load that her human form had found awkward to heft was nothing now that she was a pony. “I’ll show you the castle.”
“And then we can go for a real gallop”
“Or a horizontal gallop!” she inuendoed.
“Now you’re talking!”
We soon drew near the castle – a far larger structure than ancient cartoons had lead me to expect. Twilight lead the way across the draw bridge. The guards at the drawbridge saluted as we entered.
“Fluttershy has been castle-sitting for me – I sent the domestic staff for a holiday of unspecified length at the Imperial. And since I’ve been gone for so long she’s probably got Discord plus a zillion and eight critters hanging out with her. Please don’t tell Discord that you are a Chaoist. We all value his friendship but he can be a little over the top with his chaos if you encourage him.”
“He will figure it out, probably quickly. But I won’t try to help him to do so. I would like to see the cutie-map table.”
We were nearly to the throne room where said table resides.
“And don’t scare Fluttershy,” she continued, “with any sexy, outré, antics. She isn’t going to approve if you—”
“March into the throne room,” i ad-libbed, “bend you over the map table, and plow you.”
“Exactly. Don’t do anything like that around Fluttershy .” Twilight’s emphasis was unsubtil. Flipping her tail up and shaking her plot at me was only slightly less subtil.
“Yes, dear, I will save fornicating on the map table for when we have the place to ourselves.”
“And not a moment later!”
“The throne room!” Twilight bowed low as she waved the doors open with drama.
The tall doors moved silently on their hinges.
Dramatically, the first thing either of us saw was Discord’s nuts swinging. They were comically huge, watermelon sized hanging between his knees as he thrust his cock into Fluttershy. It had to be illusion, a magic prank for our entertainment. Fluttershy was leaning over the map table moaning, her eyes shut she did not see us stand and stare. Discord turned his head, raised an eyebrow in inquiry as if to say, “so?”, and returned his attention to Fluttershy.
Twilight’s jaw hung open. Her head moving in unison with Discord’s thrusting hips, swaying balls.
“…Hot,” I finally whispered.
“…Bucking hot,” she corrected.
Thrust.
Sway.
Thrust.
Sway.
Twilight finally spoke.
“I always suspected this. Ever since that time it was Tuesday every day for two weeks, I knew something was up between them. You know that thing I just told you not to do?” Her voice was rough with desire.
“Yeah?”
“Tour later. Do that thing to me now.”
“March into the throne room, bend you over the map table, and plow you?”
“Yes!”
“Around Flutter—”
“YES!” she cut me off.
“And not a moment later,” I intoned, coda.
I carefully pulled the doors fully shut, dropped my pack next to the wall, and broke into a quick pace. She was already halfway across the room. She wasn’t sneaking per se but she did not call attention to herself. Fluttershy was not noticing us and Discord was not stopping.
Twilight leaned over the table to the right of Discord and Fluttershy. She braced her fore-hooves and shook her rear at me again. Sweet Baby Celestia, that ass! I patted her rump and mounted. I had hoped to take it slow my first time entering her with my equine body, but no way was I going to delay when she wanted it now. A glisten of wetness beckoned me from between labia: I lined my cock up and pushed. This was definitely a tighter fit than my human cock had been in her pony pussy. But I was on target, she was ready from watching the show, and it was good, oh so good.
“Twilight…” I breathed in her ear
“Oh, yeah, Tangent, that is how you plow a plot.” She groaned again as my medial ring popped in, “unnnnggg yeah…”
Discord turned toward me, raised his right arm, made a fist of his paw – I raised a hoof and bumped his fist. We were Chaos Bro’s already and I hadn’t even violated Twilight’s request that I not tell him my alignment. But I could see he was about to cause mischief.
“Twiiiiiiiilight,” Discord schmoozed, “how good to see you! And your little friend!”
“Who you calling little!” I mouthed as i glanced significantly downward, “I’m hung like a horse!”
“A small horse.” Discord stifled a giggle.
Suddenly finding herself on the spot, Twilight froze, involuntarily tightened around me – apparently the possibility that she might need to make small talk right now was not an integral part of the doubtlessly thorough risk assessment she had performed before asking to be bucked in front of her friends.
“Oh, thank you, Disco-o-o-ord-unghhh,” she tried to sound casual, failed completely. “I’m so glad to be home, thaaaaa-uungghhh-nk you for taking good care of the castle.”
I kept my pace steady so she could time her words between thrusts, but it didn’t seem to help her.
“Nggghhh!” she continued, “oh, hi, Fluttershy! Nggghhh! Nice day for a quickie on the map table, huh?”
Fluttershy still did not open her eyes. “Not. Quickie.” She spaced the words out between Discord’s thrusts, her own gasps. “Been. Edge. Forty. Minutes. Aaaaaainnnnnn." She bit her lip again to silence her whine.
Discord looked pretty smug about now, and he had every right to. I was impressed. Twilight was impressed. The bucking table was impressed too, not to mention damp.
I nodded my approval to Discord. We fist-bumped, hoof to paw, again.
Conversation lapsed and Discord and I bucked our mares. I’d seen the back of the Princess’s head before, but the perspective in this body was better. I was too focused on Twilight to know what sign Fluttershy gave, but Discord picked up his pace. Fluttershy stopped biting her lip and began a low keening. After another minute she cried out with startling suddenness and volume.
“Chaos! Chaos! Chaos!” She pounded both her fore-hooves on the cutie-map table as Discord ground against her, his draconequushood buried, throbbing, inside the yellow mare.
Fluttershy’s eyes were open now, wide and rolled back, her body arched and rigid. “Fire and Chaaaaaos!” She drew the last word out and gave a final, bloodcurdling, bestial, howl. Then she shuddered and passed out peacefully.
Discord slowed his thrusting to a slow in and out. When he was sure Fluttershy was soundly asleep he withdrew, kissed her cheek, picked her up, and slung her over his shoulders like a sack of spuds. She drooped there, limply, snoring. Draconequus semen and pony juices dripped to the floor from her hindquarters, drool dripped from her cheek.
“Breakfast is at se-e-e-ven,” Discord cheerfully sang out. “Flutters will sleep till then, but I'll be baking blueberry mu-u-u-fins. Have fun kids!” He slapped my ass and vanished with Fluttershy.
“Wow,” Twilight said.
“Bucking wow,” I corrected.
I was still enjoying Twilight’s body, but after that performance it was difficult not to feel outclassed.
“Um, just for the avoidance of doubt,” Twilight said, “I am not going to be coming like she did. This time. But I am enjoying this, don’t stop.”
“Its gonna take practice to be like those two.”
“Lots and lots of practice.”
“Mmmmm yeah, Princess… do you still have your birth control magic fired up? Cos I’m not far.”
“Fill me up, baby, I won’t be fertile unless I choose it. But if you want to start a family right now, say so.”
“Let’s get married first,” I suggested.
She didn’t say no. She didn’t say no. She didn’t say no.
Leaning forward as far as possible I could just lick the base of Twilight’s horn as I rode her. It tingled on my tongue like an electrode about to discharge.
Twilight responded to the stimulation with a series of low moans, “Ohhhh, Ohhhhh, OOHHHH”
And then Kaboom.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The sound of the blast reverberated through the throne room.
Somehow Twilight didn’t even notice, something was distracting her.
I’d’ve liked to’ve pulled her under the map table to safety but seeing as she had a firm grip on my cock with her pussy, we were somewhat immobilized. I didn’t know where the attack had come from so all I could do was do my best to shield her with my body. And since I was already sprawled over her in a pretty effective shielding position, I stayed where I was. And since I was there already, I just naturally continued thrusting.
Thrust
Kaboom!
A second hole appeared in the ceiling.
Thrust
Kaboom!
One of the windows was gone.
After the third blast I realized where the explosions originated – blasts of magic shot from Twilight’s horn as her orgasm throbbed. Before I was forced to make the decision to spoil my beloved’s climax for the safety of Equestria (not to mention her own safety from a potentially collapsing castle), the emissions of magic changed from destructive blasts to psychedelic fields of light.
“Oh Tangent,” she said as she came down from her peak, “I felt like I was shooting fireballs from my horn, it was so intense. How was it for you?”
“Almost there, Twi, keep your eyes closed, beautiful Princess.”
“Okay… take your time, I’m in no hurry.”
I kept my pace steady and then at last, “oh Twi-ohyeahohyeahohyeah-light…”
I was still hard enough to keep riding. While I did I said, “Take a deep breath, open your eyes, and look up.”
“Wha-? Oh shoot! I really was shooting fireballs…”
“Yeah, only the three. I hope nopony noticed.”
On cue, we heard the clearing of throats from behind us.
“Dearlove, we are caught en flagrant .” I said loud enough to be heard, but I didn’t actually stop, “Do we brazen this out, or run for it and deny everything later?”
“Brazen! Get off me, calmly,” she whispered.
Deliberately I leaned forward and kissed Twilight’s shoulder, nuzzled her cheek as I slowed my hips.
“I love you, Twilight.”
She rubbed her head back against me and we enjoyed each other another second before facing our interrupters.
I turned as I dismounted. The throne room door now stood ajar with half of the Mane Six, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Rarity on the threshold, mouths agape.
“Good afternoon, ladies,” I greeted them, “I do apologize for leaving the door wide open.”
The three of them squirmed just a little. Twilight had not seen me close the door so my mild tease went unnoticed by her.
“Hey girls, thanks for dropping in,” said Twilight, “this is my coltfriend, ah buck it, he’s my lover, Tangent. I guess since you caught us I don’t need to tell you that we are doing more than going on proverbial walks on a long beach together. Honey, if you’ve been paying attention to the stories I’ve told you, you should be able to tell which of my closest friends these are.” Talk about throwing me an easy question. Time to score some points with her homegirls.
“I feel like I’ve know them for years already,” I boasted, “first for flying, we have the fastest and coolest mare in the land, Rainbow Dash. Then there is Pastry Professional and Party Planner Pluripotent, Pinkie Pie. And who could fail to recognize the immanently glamorous fashion genius of Rarity.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, dear sir,” said Rarity happily, “but please don’t let that stop you.”
“Hey bub,” Dash demanded, “what’re you up to blowing the place up? We don’t tolerate abusive coltfriends,” she stressed the word defiantly, “around here.”
“I don’t think it was him,” said Pinkie, “he looks mostly harmless. And—” her hoof clicked loudly against nothing as she tapped the empty air above her forehead “—no horn. Twilight, did you blast your lover while his throbbing obscenity was still buried in your wet euphemism?”
Rarity surveyed the damage a moment longer. “Oh, Twilight darling, your mother, much as we all admire her, has sadly neglected your education on certain intimate topics necessary for every female unicorn and, dare I say it, applicable to Alicorns as well. Come along and let us have a little chat in your boudoir . Mister Tangent, it is a pleasure to meet you—” I bowed to her “—I will have your inamorata detonatif back to you in two shakes of a tail. Pinkie, do be a love and don’t let Dash rough up the Princess’s special friend overmuch.”
I was left alone with Pinkie and Dash.
Speaking of Dash administering a roughing up, ‘overmuch’ seemed like an unnecessarily subjective ne plus ultra.
“Miss Dash?” I said, hopefully, “it’s really nice to meet you. Big fan. Love the rainboom.”
“Uh, thanks I guess.” She was still angry and the compliment merely irked her. “So you weren’t fighting with Twilight? You weren’t roughing her up?”
“Absolutely not.” I touched my fore-hoof to my chest, traced the holy shape of a horseshoe. “I worship the ground she walks on. Everything was strictly friendly and enthusiastically consensual.”
“What exactly was consensual?” Dash asked suspiciously.
“Bucking!” enthused Pinkie. “He bucked her until she went zing and when she went zing her horn went kaboom! Consensual, moist, and explosive!”
“Wha…?” Dash was suddenly blushing. She launched straight into the air and flew out one of the holes in the ceiling.
“If you’ve stillllllll never gone zing with anypone,” Pinkie shouted after her, “I can hook you up! Or, I can break you in myself!”
Dash did not rainboom on her way out, but she did not loiter, either.
“Is she gonna stay mad at me forever or just be embarrassed for a while and then we’ll be cool?” I asked Pinkie.
“I give you about seventy to thirty odds,” Pinkie squinted as she estimated, “in favor of her forgiving you in a while. Helped by the fact that I just further embarrassed her so she’ll be mad at me instead of you.”
“I can live with those odds, but I am sorry you had to stick your neck out for me. By the way, I need your expertise. What desert would you recommend? Kinda a ‘I just totally got caught doing it with the mare I love and now all her friends know exactly what we were up to but I am too happy to be ashamed and I sure hope I am not going to cause her any social awkwardness’ treat.”
Pinkie thought hard. She moved close, too close for comfort, and looked into my eyes, smelled my breath. Taking a step back, she licked her hoof and held it up to feel the non-existent breeze inside the castle.
“Yeah, I have a recipe for that one. I’ll have it ready about the time you stop by. I need to go start on the ingredients. This one is gonna take some time. Good to know you, Tangent, I’m glad Twilight finally has somepony special.”
For a moment her pouffy hair sank to stringy flatness.
“Do not let her down,” Pinkamena said.
The hairdo re-inflated and Pinkie cheerfully hopped out the door, closing it with her tail as I stood there shivering.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Rarity brought Twilight back to the throne room a bit after Pinkie left. In the mean time I had found a supply cupboard containing mop and bucket and cleaned damp patches on the floor, lest anypony might slip. Doing it myself was probably better than waiting for the castle staff to return and do it for me; I’d rather not have to explain the nature of the various puddles I was asking them to clean.
“I must toodle off, dears, and check on the little one. But I do hope you will call on me at home whenever you can.”
I stood on the drawbridge with Twilight and waved as Rarity left.
“Little one?” I asked when Rarity was out of hearing, “who’s the sire?”
“Would you care to guess ?” There was excitement in her question.
“Spike?” I asked eagerly.
“Yes! Yes! Yes! My adoptive son is all grown up! My grandson, Spike Jr., is the most adorable half pony half dragon mutant hybrid you’ll ever see.”
“How’d he manage that? Wasn’t he a lot younger than Rarity?”
“It was about two years ago, Spike was visiting the carousel again when Rarity got to the point where she just couldn’t keep her hooves off him, so she sent him away and next thing we know, well, you know what? You should ask them. Theirs was a complicated courtship and you should probably get the tale directly. I’m not sure if I should comment.”
“Architectural oopsies aside, I hope you enjoyed that?”
“Rather!” she said, though her happy glow was answer enough. “Apparently most unicorn fillies grow up wondering if they will have a magical accident their first time. I was just too much of a dork to notice my peers fretting about it. There are even urban myths about fatalities. Rarity tells me that Rudey Flume’s juvenile sex angst novel First Love and a Funeral was inspired by a real life near miss. Uh, I don’t read that tripe – I won’t even have it in the library unless it’s in the fireplace. Anyway, the thought never occurred to me. But it shouldn’t happen again.”
“I think we should test your newfound magical restraint as soon as equinely possible. For science! Or safety. Or something.”
“Or because we like it?”
“Yeah, that!”
“I totally agree. It felt so good, so right, us finally both being ponies. But let’s swing by Sweet Apple Hectares before we try it again. You’ve met the rest of my posse, I should show you off to Applejack too.”
“Show me off? I dunno much about that, but I’m plumb looking forward to meeting her.”
—
The Apple family farm was a bit run down, but comfortably so, and the Apple family themselves were all good ponies. Granny Smith had passed on a few years back; now Applejack was running the operation. Big Mac and his wife Dawn Apples, née Pear, made a charming, if quiet, duo; no foals yet but ‘when the time was right’ they hoped to start a family.
The first hint that anything was wrong came when I asked about zap-apple jam.
“Ain’t none left and nopony knows how to make it. Heaven knows I get zapped enough every year trying to figure it out.”
“Ey-yup,” agreed Mac.
“Didn’t your grandmare pass the secret on?”
“Only to mah sister. And she done runned off.”
“Ran—” Instantly the room seemed to grow chilly. “Uhhhh, big weather we’re having?”
“Ahm sorry, you wouldn’t’ve know’d. I’ve heard tell that she’s still alive, but no idea where she is. Can we talk about sum’t else? It’s a sore topic.”
I apologized, but Twilight and I didn’t linger much after that. We headed towards Ponyville instead of directly to the castle.
—
“Look! It’s the famous Sugarcube Corner. Can we go in? Can we go in? Can we go in?”
Twilight laughed tolerantly at my excitement. “I don’t normally approve of treats before dinner, but since its your first day in Equestria.”
Inside, we, but mostly I, admired a vast array of sweets in the glass cases before taking seats at the counter.
Pinkie approached and Twilight said, “Pinkie, we’d like to look at a menu—”
“Denied,” Pinkie interrupted crisply.
“Excuse me?”
Twilight was somewhere between baffled and put out.
“M’sieur Tangent ‘as already placed ze special order.” Pinkie turned on the spot and flounced back into the kitchen.
“A special order?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.
“I asked her to make something special for us based on her expert recommendation.”
“Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?”
I grinned with mischief. “I think I know exactly how dangerous that is!”
There was a rumble from the kitchen– Mr. Cake was beating the bottom of an immense pan as if it were a drum. The tempo increased and Mrs. Cake joined, crashing two pan lids together like cymbals. As Pinkie emerged carrying a covered platter, the percussive fanfare ended. Mr. Cake wheeled out a cart bearing a flaming brazier.
Pinkie set the platter before us and in a choreographed movement, Mrs Cake whisked the dome off as Pinkie drew a red hot scimitar from the centre of the fire. With a flourish she used the glowing blade to split the almost black chocolate sphere revealed under the dome. The two halves rolled apart, cut surfaces sizzling from the fiery blade.
All three turned and marched back to the kitchen. Pinkie paused in the doorway.
“Indulge…” she said, her voice heavy with mystery.
The dessert was dark and rich. Chocolate mocha mousse filled a hard shell of bitter chocolate; there was a hint of fruitiness I couldn't identify for sure, maybe raspberry, maybe not. The cut surfaces were caramelized from the red hot blade. Mixed with the chocolate and berryish flavours there was an unidentified herbal note.
I took another bite, closed my eyes to focus on the trace nuances. It was exquisite, but there was certainly more to this desert than just desert.
The light was brighter when I opened my eyes.
“Twilight, my eyes are dilating. What did Pinkie do to us?”
“Arguably,” she said, “nothing that you didn’t give her permission to do, carte blanch .”
Her eyes were half closed but I could see her pupils were grown large. What I wasn’t completely sure of, was whether they were pointing the same direction. I think she was trying to be alarmed, but her mouth was twitching into a grin.
“Maybe I should have asked her to tell me more about her recommendation before agreeing to let her cook it.”
“We should get home. Knowing Pinkie there’s bound to be side effects to the side effects.”
“I call it the Cold Espresso Magic Eight Ball. It’s safe, for certain values of ‘safe’.”
Pinkies were standing behind us – two of her, in fact.
“And I guarantee that there are side effects to the side effects,” said the other Pinkie.
I don’t think the extra Pinkie was a mirror-pond duplicate.
“What’s going to happen?”
“Nothing that probably hasn’t happened already. Just more times in the next fourteen hours than you may be accustomed to.”
The two Pinkies were holding the doors for us – I steered between the two them and hit the wall.
“The first half hour might be a little wacko jacko,” one Pinkie said as the other helped me navigate the doorway, “but after that you’ll be good until dawn!”
“Are you okay?” Twilight asked.
“I think so. Can we lean on each other?”
“I’m closing my eyes,” she said, leaning against me. “Can you remember where we live?”
—
Once the Princess and her fellow were headed down the street Mr. and Mrs. Cake confronted Pinkie.
“Are you sure that was safe? They looked awful wobbly…”
“It’ll be okie dokie, by Loki. I’ve eaten two of those in one sitting and survived.”
Mrs. Cake had some idea what herbs and magic went into the concoction.
“Two? What happened?” she asked, fearing the answer.
“Once I stopped seeing double, I bucked an entire rugby match. Both teams and most of the fans – almost put them all in the hospital.”
“Sweet Celestia, Pinkie! What if they aren’t ready for that stage in their relationship? They must have just met, nobody has ever seen that nice stallion grey around here before.”
“Oh, they’re ready,” Pinkie leered happily, “whether they’re ready to be ready, or not.”
—
We were halfway down Main Street heading towards the castle before I thought to ask, mumbling a bit as I spoke, “Twilight, why am I nibbling your ear in public?”
“I was wondering that too-oo-oo!” she sang, “but I don’t mind at all-all-all.”
Our dizziness was sublimating into something more intense.
“Have I told you lately that I love you?” Twilight asked.
“It’s been at least half a minute! I love you too.”
“And I love you!”
“And I love you!”
“And I love you!”
Before our back and forth infinite recursive loop could get out of control we were at the castle.
“It looks like the staff are back! Watch this,” Twilight said, “I will approach like the ninja, in case they are impostors.”
Twilight’s idea of a ninja sneaking involved holding her legs stiff and moving in awkward fits and starts, bobbing her head as she swooshed from pose to improbable pose like some kind of karate colt. The guards on duty stared straight ahead and tried not to crack up. I walked normally behind as she lurched into her home.
“Hey, pone,” I said as I passed one of the guards.
“Hey,” he said from the side of his mouth.
Apparently being escorted by the Princess was sufficient to get me past the checkpoint – even when my escort was in such exotic form.
“Didja see that?” Twilight asked once we were inside. “Invisible. Hey, hey, uh—” There was a colt in a page’s uniform carrying a box; Twilight waved her hoof, trying to recall his name.
“Uh, Carlos, your Highness,” he said, trying not to spit his gum at her. “What can I—”
He was looking at me with frank curiosity.
“—yeah, Carlos, I will be in my chambers and I am not to be disturbed until noon tomorrow. Have the kitchen send up sandwiches and coffee for two at midnight.”
“Oh no, Princess! I mean, oh yes, Princess. I mean, it will be as you command.”
He bowed to hide his embarrassment.
“Thanks!” Twilight burbled, blithely unaware, and led me onward towards her bedroom. The spell woven by dessert would not wait much longer.
—
“I’ve never seen him around Ponyville,” Carlos told his audience in the servants’ quarters, “he was a dark grey blankflank with—”
A presence loomed behind the young page. He was new to this line of work, but he had the sense to shut his mouth before further incriminating himself.
“One does not simply call the Princess’s associate a blankflank. If you must comment, you need only admit that you didn’t get a look at his mark.”
“Yessir.”
“That’s a good lad,” the older servant said. “I’ll have you civilized yet, even if it kills you.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Celestia would raise the sun soon; the growing light was creeping into Twilight’s bedroom.
We were both exhausted from our all night romp. Pinkie’s cold pressed espresso fueled Magic Eight Ball and its unknown blend of forbidden ingredients had finally worn off. Somehow most of the bedding had migrated to the floor and in the middle of the resulting nest of rose coloured linens we lay on our sides in a casual almost sixty-nine position.
“That feels nice,” I said as she languidly smooched my penis, “but I don’t think its gonna get hard again soon.”
“Would it work to sleep like this?” Twilight said through a yawn, “I can just start sucking when you get hard. I know I’m too tired to come again for a while.”
“You ever bite your tongue just as you’re falling asleep?”
“Once in a while, yeah.”
“Uh-huh. You are not sleeping with my wiener that close to your teeth, dear.”
I stood and walked to the window as a bright sliver crept over the horizon.
“Look, Princess, the sunrise is here!”
“Errhm,” she groaned, “happens everyday.”
“And it happened again!” I bowed my head to whisper, “thank you, Celestia,” in the first golden rays.
“Come back here.”
As I snuggled back into the tangle of sheets and blankets and Twilight, I could hear a distant clock begin to strike seven.
“Hypothetically speaking, what is Discord going to do if we don’t show up for breakfast approximately exactly right now?”
“Discord?” She yawned again. “Breakfast? Oh, shi—”
As the last peal of the chimes faded we landed on the carpet in front of Fluttershy’s fireplace.
“—t.”
“Perfect timing!” Discord schmoozed as a twinkle of magic faded from around his paw. He was wearing a yellow apron covered with blue butterfly appliqués.
“Discord, good buddy!” I greeted him from where I lay on the floor my head resting against Twilight’s thigh, “can you just drop a muffin in my mouth?”
“Tangent, my dear friend!” he replied warmly, “if you aren’t sitting nicely at the table when Flutters emerges seventy one seconds from now, it will be the other end of your alimentary canal where I stick a muffin. Ask not how far it gets stuffed, nor with what.”
“Lots of butter?” I quipped, but before he could give answer I continued, “lovely as that sounds I sha’n’t like to disrespect the lady of the cottage.” I helped Twilight up and we wobbled our way to the table.
Exactly seventy one seconds later, Fluttershy stepped into the kitchen.
“Ohhhhhhhhhh…” Her speech dissolved into a yawn as she stretched luxuriously in the doorway. “Twilight and her special friend are already here. Coffee or tea, friends?”
“Unnnnnngg,” Twilight groaned, “yes?”
I poked her under the table until she sat up.
“Yes, please,” she corrected herself, and sagged again.
“Coffee would be lovely, Miss Fluttershy,” I said, “is there anything I can do to help?”
“If you can keep Twilight approximately upright, Dissy and I will take care of the rest. I’m afraid I’m asking you to do the hard part, I hope you don’t mind.”
“My pleasure, just speak up if there is anything else I can do for you.”
“Well there is one other tiny itty bitty little thing. Can you, um, not tell anypony what you saw yesterday?”
“We won’t breathe a word. But it was inspirational to witness and certainly nothing to be bashful of.”
“I’m sure you and Twilight don’t need much inspiration.” Fluttershy didn’t even blush; whatever her reason for secrecy was she wasn’t ashamed of her exuberant sex life with Discord. “And thank you. Some ponies can be a little nosy.”
“You’ll never guess who,” Discord interjected as he spread his ~~mismatched~~ delightfully asymmetrical wings and pantomimed crashing into the wall.
“Its not even the snoopiness, we don’t mind putting on a show.” She looked downward demurely, almost timid, but I caught a glimpse of mischief on her face. “It’s the specist disapprobation. So please be discreet.”
“Fear not, fair friend!” I pumped my fore-hoof in the air energetically. “Discretion is the greater part of batter!”
“And batter is the greater part of valor!” Discord’s voice rang out “Speaking of which, muffins in T minus ten seconds.”
“I’m not sure—” Fluttershy began.
“Nine!” Discord’s voice echoed through the door like an announcement from a loudspeaker on a concrete blockhouse.
“—if I like—”
“Eight!”
“—the idea of—”
“Seven!”
“—you chaos boys—”
“Six!”
“—playing together—”
“Five!”
“—too often—”
“Four!”
A sound like a rocket engine began in the kitchen.
“—if stuff like—”
“Three!”
The rocket sounds were growing louder.
“—this is going to—”
“Two!”
Almost deafening, the noise of the rocket shook the cottage. Somehow Twilight was still asleep, drooling gently on my shoulder.
“…. ……. …..”
Fluttershy’s lips were moving but I couldn’t hear a word.
“One!”
Ping!
Discord made the sound of an oven timer as the roar stopped.
In the sudden silence Twilight’s eyes snapped open. “Gah! What? No, mom I was just scratching the side of my leg! I wasn’t clo—” She looked around, still dazed. “What?”
“You were mumbling in your sleep,” Fluttershy said reassuringly, “and the muffins are done.”
—
The muffins were excellent, and the Fluttercord were a delightful host and hostess.
As we ate Discord remarked, “it’s nice to have a former human among us again, Tangible.”
“What do you mean ‘again’, Disco-cod?” I asked, not missing a beat at his playful corruption of my name.
“Tell me, do you know our good human friend Lauren Faust?”
“Lauren was real?” I asked. “I saw the name in the credits, but I took it to be a metaphor for the Faustian bargain of selling out to an evil soulless mega-corporation.”
Simultaneously Twilight was asking, “Lauren was a human? I never knew!”
“If Lauren Faust really existed,” I continued, “that must have been centuries before my time and presumably long deceased, I’m sorry to say. Unless Lauren was some kind of undying cyborg. But a human from my past, time-traveling to Equestria, could explain why tales about all of you ended up as children’s stories.”
“Children’s stories?”
“Yeah, The Discord Show was a big hit with young girls and weird old guys!”
“Oh, that sounds simply fabulous. I do hope they included my dear pony friends in some of the episodes.”
“Your heroic exploits saving the ponies from many dangers were a timeless inspiration to the timeless children of Terra.”
“Did you hear that honey? You’re popular on an entirely different world!”
“For realsie? You wouldn’t be pulling my leg would you, Tangent?”
“Only slightly.” I passed the detached limb back to its owner, who socketed it into his hip. “The show was very popular many years ago. I am probably the only Terran-born who keeps the memory alive. Faust’s time, and presumed importation of Equestrian history, was centuries ago.”
“Prove it. Tell me one of the adventures that we all had.”
“The first thing that comes to mind is when you and Trixie Lulumoon and Starlight Glimmer took on the entire changeling hive to rescue Fluttershy and, um, some other ponies. Truly brave and very good teamwork. I loved the flying pigs.”
“You see, dear?”
“Well you’ve convinced me. I don’t have any air-bacon to offer you today, but would you like another muffin?”
“Thank you, sir, don’t mind if I do. In the shows there was a muffin-loving mail mare; has she tried these?”
Instantly the mood at the table soured — I had put my hoof in it again. Discord crossed his arms and glowered. Twilight was angry and Fluttershy looked infinitely sorrowful.
“Wha… What’d I say?”
“Derpy is our good friend and a frequent guest,” Fluttershy explained sadly, “but she’s been missing for months.”
“Oh, no! That's awful! She was always depicted as so sweet in the show.”
“She is very sweet,” Discord’s frown deepened, “and anypony who hurts her will have ‘Shy and me to answer to.”
“There, there, dear,” Fluttershy tried to comfort him, “the conventional authorities are taking care of the search, and I’m sure they are very good at what they do. We’ll leave this in their hooves unless they catch the perp and strike an overly cushy plea-bargain.”
“I’m not privy to what the EBI may know,” Twilight added, betraying her opinion of their secrecy in the tone of her voice, “but I know they are putting their utmost effort into finding her.”
“Celestia bless their labors,” I said, and touched my chest. Even Discord joined the prayer.
—
Three months earlier.
A dark place.
In the shadows, a young, light grey, mare. She moans like somepony trying to wake up from a nightmare but she is too deeply asleep.
Not asleep: drugged!
A portal opens and mare several years senior to the dreamer steps through.
For a moment she looks down at the pathetic form.
“It kills me to see you like this,” she says, “I can’t stop what’s going to happen to you. Bucking paradox bullshit. But I can improve the outcome.”
She drops an instrument case next to her patient, flips it open. One after another she takes the contents out, uses them, and clips them back. Softly she narrates her own actions.
“In place,” she gives the first gleaming device a careful push and hoofs a release near the base of its length, “and payload delivered,” she adds as the instrument makes a moist sound.
Next is a specialized spell, packaged in single-use charm even a non-unicorn can effect.
“Closing the gate,” she says as the magic sparkles fade. The charm, now inert, is replaced in the case.
“This will keep him from tearing you up too badly,” as she utilizes one more medical nostrum.
Lastly she slips a short duration subdermal bioabsorbable dosing implant under the skin at the back of her patient’s foreleg. “And this will make the next three days really fuzzy and hard to remember. It’s gonna suck having a gap in your memory, but trust me, it’s gotta be this way. Most ponies will tell you that you don’t want remember what happened to you tomorrow, anyway.”
These attentions completed, she bends her head down low, gives the unconscious pony a slow, gentle kiss, probing deep warmth with her tongue. The dreamer moans softly, unconscious of the pleasure her body responds to.
“And that bastard died never knowing that I got here before him.”
Snapping her case closed, she checks a chronometer. Under three hundred seconds elapsed.
“Here’s to better circumstances, in the future.”
When the portal closes, the newly deflowered sleeper is once more alone.
—
Fluttershy used the excuse of making more coffee to scarper off – once alone in the kitchen she could blot the tears from her eyes and blow her nose. For the zillionth time she prayed for Derpy’s safety. Who could hurt such a filly-like mare, so quirky and innocent?
Before she could make herself cry for real, Twilight stepped into the kitchen on the way back from the bathroom.
“That was something else yesterday, Fluttershy. I don’t have Tangent nearly that well trained.”
“I can’t claim all the credit. Dissy has centuries of experience, and I’m just reaping the benefit.”
“With any luck he’s out there giving Tangent some pointers.”
Twilight started to grin – until she reparsed her own words.
“Wait!! That came out all wrong, I’m not saying that he’s not good—”
“It’s okay, commander, I’m sure the two of you are very well matched.” Fluttershy said gently, “But are you okay? You look like you’re half asleep on your hooves.”
“Tell me about it. I think I nodded off and took a toilet nap in your bathroom. Pinkie got us with something she calls a Magic Eight Ball.”
“Oo, I’ve heard rumors of that one. Do you, um, recommend it?”
“Yes. But make sure you have a couple days clear.”
—
“My Lord of Chaos,” I addressed Discord when the two of us were alone in the living room. Twilight had not returned from Fluttershy’s bathroom and Fluttershy herself was in the kitchen starting more coffee.
“Yes, Tangent?”
At least he had somewhat recovered from my inadvertent faux pas , but he still seemed subdued.
“I apologize for Twilight and me walking in on your amours with Lady Shy.”
“My nootely neophyte of non-order, think nothing of it. You heard the mare: she doesn’t mind putting on a show.”
“What about you, my—”
“And don’t call me ‘Lord’ except when you’re in trouble. Now, as far as my preferences, I don’t mind exhibitioning a touch if it gives my sweetie a thrill. It was good for laugh and the sound of the princess’s jaw hitting the floor.”
I chuckled along with him.
“May I ask a favor?”
“You may ask…”
“I need an illusion spell cast. Could you be so kind as to recommend a first rate illusionist? Perhaps of the powder blue persuasion?”
“But of course, I do recommend Miss Lulumoon,” he said, his mood lifting. “And I’d be happy to give you a letter of introduction.” He snapped his fingers, producing an ornately sealed envelope and presenting it to me. “In the moderately unlikely event she fails you, her ego is entertaining enough to make it well worth your time. Pray tell, what do you need her services for, that you cannot ask of our dear friend Twilight?”
“Ohhhhh just a little sumpin sumpin.” I idly sketched a series of solid and broken horizontal strokes in the air, forming an obscure heptagram.
“Ah, ‘hidden chaos’,” said Discord, “I like it.”
The symbol hung there, glowing.
“I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” I shrugged.
Discord swished the character out of the air with the fur tuft on the end of his tail before the mares could return to see it.
“You are speaking to the Lord of Chaos, my little pony.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Twilight stopped on the path outside Fluttershy’s gate.
“That last time by the herb garden on the way out was definitely a mistake. Tangent, do you know who Zecora is?”
“Yes, the spooky-cool zebra swamp doctor who makes potions in the forest. Are we going to go meet her?”
“You are going to go meet her and buy a big tub of clop salve on my tab. I am going to wobble home, walking with my hind legs as far apart as I can.”
“‘Clop salve’, got it. Quick question?”
“Yeah?”
“What does ‘nootely’ mean?”
“Where’d you hear that?”
“Discord.”
“Figures. The proper word, and I use the term ‘proper’ with a great deal of skepticism, is ‘nootle’. By extension, we can agree that one who nootles is therefor nootely. It’s a slang term for when you approach a mare from the rear, push your nose between her pussy lips, and start licking her clit.”
“Omigosh! I love doing that – I didn’t even know there was a word for it!”
I eyed her hindquarters hopefully.
“Nuh-uh. Have you already forgotten I just told you that I’m in pain?”
“Sorry! See you back at the castle, with your salve, Dear.”
“Later, Sweetie.” She kissed my cheek and my heart melted all over again. “Just tell Zecora whatever excuse you can think of for the salve.”
It wasn’t far from Fluttershy’s to the edge of the trees. I paused where the path disappeared into the shadows.
Before me stood the dark mysterious woodland of the Everfree Forest. I knew that meeting monsters was a possibility, but the morning sun was high and bright, I would probably be safe enough. Twilight hadn’t given me any directions to find Zecora’s dwelling, but I’d do my best to impress her by finding my own way through the various hazards of the forest.
—
Zecora looked down at me quizzically.
“Clop Salve, on the Princess’s account?
“Uhhhh,” I stammered, trying to think of a rhyme. It wasn’t easy on short notice, nor under these circumstances.
“Large; we ate one of Pinkie’s aphrodisiac deserts.
Zecora smiled at my effort.
“I don’t expect customers to speak in rhyme,
She appeared to regard the conversation as complete; but there was another pressing detail on my mind as the water reached my chin.
“Thanks, Zecora, that's great, we appreciate you.
After surviving dropbears, and escaping a snake-tailed something that I did not linger to examine, quicksand was no way to die.
—
“Oh thank goodness!” Twilight had vanished inside the bathroom with the tub of herbal salve I brought her. Now she shouted through the door, “this stuff works wonders, really it does! Let’s go introduce you to the staff once I’m medicated.”
A moment later she was out, the smell of medicine wafting from her hindquarters.
“Hows it look?” She swished her tail up saucily.
“Delicious, but chaffed. I’m—”
“Don’t you dare apologize. That chaffing was well-earned!”
She flipped her tail modestly down again.
“Give it until tonight and we’ll see if your willing to put your money where your mouth is. Or maybe—” she gave me one of her wicked grins “—put your mouth where your money-shot is! Did Zecora believe your story about the salve?”
“Yeah, I told her that your pussy hurts from lots and lots of sex.”
“You told her what‽”
“She totally fell for it.”
Author's Note
Is it distracting to use the quote mechanism to set the blocks of rhyme apart?
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“This place is incredible,” I said as we strolled down a glistening hallway accompanied by our own images in hundreds of reflective facets, “I can’t believe it sprang up all at once!”
“Sprang up? What are you talking about? It was built way back in the four hundreds, using imported living crystal. The first Marquis started the construction, but it was his daughter, the second Marquise, who first occupied the castle as her seat. It expanded itself a bit over the years, and sat abandoned and pouting the last couple centuries. I purged the monsters during my first year in Ponyville, and after the Golden Oak was burnt down I fixed it up so I could move in. Technically, I’m just a squatter. The title is escheat to the crown since the seventh Marquis died without issue in the eight hundreds. Somepony could be created eighth Marquis of Ponyville and I’d be homeless. Or maybe I could be the crazy spinster, living up in a tower, who comes with the castle.”
—
The structure was a medium-sized affair as such things go, but I had seen little of it yet. I estimated it at less than a hundred rooms. It was staffed by an active herd of domestic employees, plus day help, and a small company of soldiers for the princess’ security detail.
In addition to the staff living in the castle, assistants and junior functionaries spent part of their day in the castle, living elsewhere. Some were Ponyville residents benefiting from the local employment, others had been hired from further away and were boarding in town.
Ponies came and went through the day on a variety of errands.
There were scholars who came to research the growing collection of literature and arcana. Unlike the old library, the books and scrolls accumulated here were for reference only, not lent – comfortable nooks and reading chairs complimented the large work tables. The mundane volumes were available for anypony to read. Duly vetted magic students might gain access to the first ward of spell-books and other esoterica. Certain specially credentialed mages were per permitted to study the tomes in the second ward. Only Twilight’s royal peers and the greatest mages in the land could request access to the third ward library of advanced magic – indeed few ponies knew of a third. As Twilight’s lover I, too, had physical access to the secret third ward, but only because she thought I had no clue what any of it meant. Some of her unknown spells were ones I could have explained had I not been commanded to keep my magical powers hidden.
Merchants presented themselves to the butler and head cook between between eight and nine in the morning – barring the bakers who had delivered bread before Celestia even thought about raising the sun.
Occasionally supplicants appeared before the princess with matters of friendship or law needing her wisdom and judgement.
—
In the public section of library where the mundane books were kept, Twilight introduced me to her strigine helper.
“With Spike married off now, this is my main assistant, Owlowiscious.”
“Who?” I asked.
“Owlowiscious,” Twilight repeated.
“Who?” I asked again.
Twilight laughed but the owl was not amused – normally that was his gag. He fluttered up to a perch and burrowed his head under a wing.
Twilight gave him a tolerant smile and led me onward.
“There are eighty four rooms, I think,” she told me. “There used to be eighty five but we lost one!” She laughed at her own joke as we approached a very dignified looking pony.
“And this is Blaise Smythe, my butler. He keeps everything running so smooth around here I don’t know why he’s always busy. Blaise, this is Tangent, he’ll be staying here, in my room.”
“Yes, miss.”
Suddenly Twilight’s cutie mark began to blink.
“I’m on call, aren’t I?”
“Indeed, Miss”
“Shit!”
“Precisely, Miss.”
“I’ve been thinking with my back end instead of my front end and I forgot all about it. I gotta get ready to go. Can you show Tangent around?”
And just like that I was left alone with Smythe.
“The princess has no idea how much you do for her, does she?”
“Not a bloody clue!” he said with spirit. “As well it should be. Do you know how many times that young lady has saved Equestria? We don’t even keep a count anymore. It is not fitting that she be troubled with the domestic minutia of operating her home.”
“I’ll guess that ’butler’ is not your preferred title, is it?” I asked.
“In my innermost thoughts I prefer the more medieval ‘seneschal’ but butler is perfectly adequate.”
“Certainly– I’m sorry, did she say your name is Blaise or Bleys?”
“Blaze, sir.”
“Oh! I like that.”
“I jest, sir, my given name is Blaise.”
“Very well, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Likewise. Is sir possessed of a mononym?”
“A what? Oh—” I told the solemn pony my full name.
“Welcome to Ponyville Castle, Mr. Akos, sir. I note that sir is left hooved; shall I reverse sir’s place setting at the table?”
“No, thank you. I’m used to eating among righties and if you switch it up, you’ll just confuse me. Next thing you know, I’ll be eating the entree with both my salad fork and my dessert fork and drinking my finger bowl.”
“Finger bowl, sir?”
“Among fingered species, a small bowl of water to clean one’s fingertips between the seventh course and dessert. Drinking it, of course, would be quite gauche.”
“Quite, I see. Very droll, sir. As most ponies do not use such an vessel, if one wished to humorously suggest an especially egregious faux pas , one might propose to fill the host’s glass from the lower ewer.”
“What would be the implication?”
“In days before plumbing, the upper ewer held clean water for the washing of hooves and the lower ewer caught the dirty.”
“Eww, a gaff indeed! Well, I can suppose that you are a busy pony so maybe I will just wander around and try not to get in the way.”
—
I barely made it around the corner before, “you must be the new housekeep!”
Well so I must. Her energetic bustle did not invite disagreement.
Without a word I took over pushing the heavy cart of clean linen.
“It’s unusual to see a stallion in this department, but I won’t complain! It will be good to have somepony with some muscles on ‘im.”
I dove into the tasks I was given and proudly offered up the first pair rooms I had done for inspection.
“Have you ever worked in this role before?”
“No ma’am,” I admitted.
“Well,” she said, “You’ve done a pretty good job, but your speed is lacking. In the time you’ve done two rooms I’ve done all the others. They were supposed to send me somepony experienced. No offense, but I’ll have to think about whether I should keep you on. But I’m done with you for this morning.”
I wandered outside to see the castle grounds before anypony else mistook me for somepony I wasn’t…
—
...leaving me with the clippers the groundskeeper hurried off.
An hour latter he was back, just as I raked up the clippings.
He was impressed by my first effort at topiary, but he didn’t want to show it.
“Yer kinda slow, but it’s not a bad likeness. But, I meant a rooster, ya numbskull!” He threw a foreleg around my neck and applied a vigorous rubbing to my scalp before releasing me. “Normally I’d say you should have gotten at least three done by now, but I figure its a good thing you didn’t get started on the cat and the shore birds. Go find ya some lunch and maybe tomorrow I’ll decide whether I can take the time to train you or not.”
A meal would at least be a safe diversion and my nose led me to the refectory…
—
…but it did not alert me to the danger in the hall outside.
“Late!” the pony in the tall white toque exclaimed as he pulled me into the kitchen by my ear. “Late, late, late! Zat is no way to impress moi !”
I found myself capped, scrubbed in, and brandishing a paring knife faster than you could say, “get zat mane under control, wash ze hooves, and here, here, here is un implement . Hold carefully, imbecile! ”
Head still spinning, I was put to work prepping vegetables.
“You call this consistent? This? The chives should be in identical two millimeter sections! Can you at least make for me a roux ?”
“You might rue it if I tried.”
“Broth?”
“Yes, I can do that.”
I had noticed a scrawled broth recipe pinned to the wall. I could manage it, and set to work.
When tasting the broth, the chef successfully fought down a smile.
“Do you know anything at all about the workings of ze professional kitchen?” he demanded.
“Not a thing.”
“I should have known. Who has sent to me this burden?” he demanded of the heavens. Restraining his outrage at the trial thrust upon him by cruel fate he added, “there may not be a place for you in this castle, but ze broth, eet ees not bad at all.”
—
Escaping the kitchen I soon bumped into Smythe again.
“Where have you been, sir?” he asked. “Either several of my staff seem to think you are their new assistant or there is a mysterious herd of assistants running awry. Incidentally, I have not disabused them of the theory just in case that is truly your intent. But I do not recommend it.”
“I gather that I was a disappointment to all of them.”
Before he could confirm, I saw Twilight approaching.
“Thank you kindly for the tour,” I spoke loud enough that she would hear me, “I should like to go see if I can be of use to her Highness.”
“Of use to me?” she said as she cuddled up, “and here I thought you were just decorative!”
“Where’s the mission? When do we leave?”
“Um, can we talk about the mission later? Blaise,” she said and turned to address that worthy soul. “I would like to review the staff and garrison after supper tonight.”
—
Twilight kept me in suspense through dinner, after which came the review.
I’d only been a pony for two days and this was as many of my fellow Equestrians as I had ever seen at one time. There were a dozen soldiers of the Equestrian army posted here as the castle guards. Another dozen ponies made up the domestic staff, plus the real three new assistants who were boarding outside the castle.
Everypony was incredibly welcoming, but I noticed some unease in the group — the housekeeper, gardener and chef looked downright mortified. They all appeared to be steeling themselves up to apologize.
I cut them off by addressing the entire group.
“Thank you so much,” I said, “for making me feel so welcome today. It’s been a pleasure meeting some of you and I hope to know you all.” I made sure to make eye contact with the ponies I had worked with, to include them in my smile.
—
“I think you made a good impression.” Twilight was smiling.
“I’m so excited, meeting even more of the ponies of Equestria! Now, where’s our mission?”
“Um, about that.” She looked down at her hooves, avoiding my eager gaze. “It’s not our mission. I leave at dawn. Alone.”
The rest of the evening was awkwardly subdued. The salve had worked wonders as promised, but Twilight needed her rest.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
I yawned awake to the sound of Twilight stuffing supplies into a bag.
“Oh, Princess, I dreamed that I was a pony and you were a beautiful purple mare.”
“Um…”
Blinking my eyes into focus I looked at my beloved.
Oh.
“Come back to bed?” I asked.
I had hella morning wood, but it seemed that she had morning won’t.
“I gotta get going.”
“So take me with you. I’d be a pretty solid earth pony in a scrap.”
“This is Leviathan,” Twilight retorted. “/Lə/. - /ˈvaɪ/. - /ə/. - /θən/.” She said the word one syllable at time in obvious IPA (Ideophonic Pony Alphabet) precision. “Being a pretty solid earthpony in a scrap isn’t going to cut it.”
It was almost time for Celestia to raise the sun and Twilight was ready to leave.
“But—”
“No buts! Until I get back, at which time you can kiss mine. Don’t make me turn this into a command.”
“I’m sorry, dearest. I wanted to help.” I dipped my head to her. “And I wanted to be with you. But I don’t want to be in the way. Maybe I can train with the Shadow Herd and one day be able to accompany you on missions.”
“If the Shadows really existed, they are long extinct.” I didn’t interrupt her to argue the point. “Anyway, mister, stay here, stay safe—” she kissed my nose “—and I’ll be back before you know it. I’ve been saving Equestria for most of my life.” She smiled, oh Celestia, she smiled. “It’s kinda what I do.”
I was still grinning from the after effects of Twilight’s smile when she departed.
—
‘Here’ and ‘safe’ are subjective enough for me to have some fun, I reflected once I was alone.
I needed to work out the boundaries, and without her guidance I could only do my best to interpret her imprecise instructions. She was traveling some eight hundred kilometers to deal with Leviathan, so I would define ‘here’ as within four hundred clicks of her castle. No more than half the distance. The risk with such a monster must surely be death, so anything that cost me no more than half of my hit points I could easily interpret as ‘safe’.
Operational restrictions nailed down, I went looking for trouble.
—
Pinkie Pie took her morning break early, to confer with me behind Sugarcube Corner.
“I need some bits, Pinkie, and I don’t know what I can do in this world to earn them. You already have a librarian in Ponyville, when she’s not off saving the world.”
“Why ya askin’ me? Everypony knows I’m just a goof.”
“Because I know you are intelligent and discreet.”
K-k-fwwp! — Pinkie flipped open an imaginary communicator and whispered urgently, “Mothership! Mothership! I think the Princess’s lover has busted my cover. Cancel the invasion!”
“Ha! I never bought your ditz act for a single pinkosecond.”
“Pinkosecond‽ Hahahahha! I’d be willing to loan you some bits just on the strength of that joke.”
“I don’t much want to be in debt, but what choice have I got? If Twilight is gone long I can try to get a job and start paying you back.”
“There’s really no rush. I don’t have much to spend my money on. My biggest vices are pastry and non-sequitur, both of which I get for free. Where’s Twilight off to this time?”
“The monster of the week is a sea monster up in the northeast. Up near Miskaponic U.”
“Hmmm. So either she’ll have it eating out of her hoof in two days and come back smelling like a rose, or she’ll be back in four days covered in rotten fish after beating the friendship into it!”
“You’re right, of course. Unless they actually summoned the monster to study it and then complicate things when they don’t admit the truth to her.”
“Getting them to own up might take an extra few days, unless she took Fluttershy along to ask questions.”
“That's a negative on the stare master. Twi’ is on her own.”
Despite my wish, I didn’t say out loud.
She shoulda brought you, Pinkie agreed.
—
With my funding secured in the form of a personal loan from The Bank of Pinkie, including an eye-watering advance she had already put on my tab for the magic eight-ball desert with Twilight, I roamed the streets of Ponyville looking for a shop to buy paper and supplies. I could have asked her Pinkaliciousness, but I figured she would feel more secure about the loan if I did not seem helpless. Several blocks away I found Paperwhite’s Stationary. Mr. Paperwhite had everything I needed to get started and soon I was on my way back to Twilight’s castle with my pack full. Just in case Twilight needed it I had mailed a postcard bearing nothing but a sketch of an ancient seal, and a few explanatory squiggles, to her attention care of the Dean at the University. Hopefully she would not need it.
Back at the castle, I set up an empty storage room as a workshop. Ponyville Thrift had furnished a bookshelf, some drawers and a work table. I would need some additional furniture, and magical apparatus, but those would come later. By the morning of the third day of Twilight’s mission it was looking like a credible craft room for calligraphy and the like. I used my best Spencerian script to make a bombastically fancy sign for the workshop door.
For the next stage, I needed an actual Equestrian mage. Trixie was my choice, and with Discord’s letter of introduction I went to find her wagon.
—
Trixie was camped beyond the edge of town, near a steep wooded ravine. I knocked politely and waited.
“Who summons the Great and Powerful Trixie at this indecently early hour?” Trixie demanded as the cloud of smoke dissipated.
The clock in Ponyville town square was just striking two in the afternoon.
Looking at me she tilted her head. “No, really, who are you?”
“Just a paying customer come to your wagon in search of greatness and power.”
“Welcome! Pray tell the Great and Powerful Trixie what you need?”
“I need a spell to keep my workshop hidden from prying eyes. I have it on good report that Trixie can do some first rate illusion spells for an honest fee.”
“But of course she can, my good pony. Whose wise advice is it that brought you to Trixie?”
“Strange fellow. What was his name…” I made a show of stroking my chin with a hoof “Oh, yes. A Mister Discord Sullivan, Chaos, comma, Lord of. He gave me a letter of introduction.”
“Oh!” Trixie was genuinely touched. “How kind of him.”
She broke the wax seal on the envelope to read Discord’s letter of introduction.
“This appears to be a shopping list.” She scanned the list. “Trixie did not know they sold personal lubricant in ‘cheese flavour’ but she has duly noted that fact for future reference. It certainly attests to the authenticity of the document.”
I coughed. “Yes, miss, it was very kind of him to direct me to Ponyville’s best kept secret.”
“Tell me where your workshop is.”
“In a disused storage room in my marefriend’s house. I need her to forget that it exists so I can work undisturbed.”
“And where is this marefriend’s house?”
“It’s the big crystal looking castle-thingie on the outskirts of Ponyville.”
“You? You‽ A dork like you bedded the awkward and beautiful Princess of friendship who could help everypony except herself? Do you know how many sleepovers Trixie has had at her place? And she never once lay a hoof on Trixie, if you can imagine that! Hahaha, it is about time somepony laid her! By Trixie, Trixie hopes finally getting some dick mellows Sparkle out just a little.”
Trixie rolled on the ground with laughter.
“Look out—” I was too late, she rolled over the edge and tumbled down the rough side of the ravine.
Crashes and cusses sounded from below as I assayed the lip of the precipice for a safe descent.
“Halp!” I heard Trixie’s voice from a patch of ferns as I cautiously climbed downward “The Stuck and Indecorously Arrayed Trixie requests your kind assistance…”
I stuck my head into the ferns and bumped into Trixie’s mare-bits with my nose.
“Eep!” we both shouted as I jumped back.
She had come to rest on her back with her aft end above her fore, and her horn was stuck in a rotten log.
“Begging your pardon, Miss Lulumoon!” I called into the fern before walking around to find the front end of her.
One horn extracted from a log later, Trixie was brushing the leaves from her cloak and mane.
“Is Trixie hurt?” I asked, barely noticing that I had slipped into addressing her in the third person.
“Only bruises, to both flank and dignity.” She shook herself. “But Trixie is most pleased to learn that her friend and one time near rival, Sparkle, has found, or perhaps been found by—” Trixie winked “—somepony special.” She smiled. “Please do Trixie the mitzvah of allowing her to offer you a discount. Trixie will do her best casting and charge you no more than you would pay for an earthpony’s third rate cantrap.”
“Thank you, oh Generous and Plentiful Trixie.”
—
“The Great and Powerful Trixie has surely surpassed herself this time!” said pony exclaimed as the last swirls of magic faded, “she has already forgotten what she was hiding on your behalf, or where.”
I could still see the door to my disguised magic workshop, but I could also see shimmers of the illusion spell. To anypony else, the door would just look like a bank section of wall. And if anypony did get in, at first look it would seem to be simply an art room.
“Trixie is weary now,” she said through a yawn.
“Would Trixie like to stop for a cup of coffee before she leaves? Her grateful and pleased customer can have a pot brewing the merest trice.”
“That will be lovely, thank you.” She yawned again.
I led the way to the comfortable parlor that was the entry room to Twilight’s private suite in the castle. I gestured her to the nice comfy sofa and hurried over to the coffee machine on the sideboard a few meters behind it.
“Coffee’s started,” I sang out a moment later, and then smiled when I saw that Trixie was out of sight. Peering over the back of the sofa I saw she had slumped down and was gently snoozing.
“Coffee?” I heard from the hall.
Twilight’s step sounded behind me.
“That,” I heard for the second time in as many minutes, “will be lovely.” As I turned she added “Close your eyes mister. I look like crap.”
From the glimpse I had caught before my eyes shut, she wasn’t wrong. She wasn’t smelling her very freshest, either.
“Are you okay?”
“Just… bucking… peachy.” She approached, staying behind me. “Tail up!”
The heck? I raised my tail obediently.
Twilight kissed me right below my tail, swirled her tongue around some very sensitive nerve endings.
“Honey?” I squeaked. My knees wobbled with the unexpected pleasure.
“I told you that you could kiss my ass when I got home. The seal you sent me saved the mission and possibly my life. Clearly I should have brought you along, so I’m kissing yours.”
She resumed the swirling motion with her tongue.
Just as I let forth with an involuntary moan, Trixie’s face appeared over the back of the sofa where she had been napping. Our eyes met and we both blushed. She ducked back down before Twilight could see her.
“Twilight… lets go get you showered up so I can show you how happy I am to see you.”
“And bring the coffee.” Twilight said as we ambled towards the bath. “I swear I heard somepony mention coffee…”
I heard the door to the hall quietly open and close behind us.
—
Afterwards, we lay in bed basking in mutual nearness.
“It’s good to be home,” Twilight said. “Glad to have me back?”
“Mmmm, big time. I missed my very own Princess. And I was starting to worry if my wiener still worked after whatever Pinkie fed us.”
“And whose fault was that?”
“I have no regrets!” I cried, “but seriously – I didn’t have a single erection the entire time you were gone.”
“It’s clearly operational now.” She grinned, lovely and wild looking with her mane mussed from sex. “But from my perspective, isn’t that good? Keeps you out of trouble.”
“Not necessarily good, the occasional random hard-on is a normal indication that everything still works. At least that’s how it is for humans. I honestly wondered if something was wrong with it. Lying in your bed, thinking about you, and nothing happened. I accidentally got a good whiff of Trixie’s plot and didn’t get so much as a twitch from willie.”
“Trixie’s? Well, if you’re going to cheat on me, at least you have good taste,” she laughed. “But it seems a bit early for that.”
“She fell into a ravine and got her horn stuck. I was trying to help and found the wrong end of her first. No cheating occurred.”
“Good, good, but however did Trixie fall into a ravine?”
“She was laughing her head off that a dork like me scored on you, and over the edge she went!”
“A dork like you? If I hadn’t decided to steal that defective random dream sex spell, the pony scoring on me might have been a dork like her. By ‘like her’ I mean actually her. It could happen!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
37-Hoofloose in Ponyville
Twilight was barely home from firmly reminding the Leviathan of its duty to honor certain oaths undertaken by the Sea King, and the very next day she was going to leave me behind, again, while she befriended another monster of the week – whether it wanted to be friends or not. On her previous mission, it was my knowledge of arcana which had supplied her with a rune once taught, but still she would hear none of my arguments towards allowing me to accompany her on this mission.
“How often does this happen?” I asked as she was about to set out.
“It’s pretty random – sometimes we go months with no call-outs for any of us. I’ve never gotten two back to back like this. But my on-call week is over in another two weeks and then Starlight Glimmer is up next.”
“A week ends in two weeks? How’s that even work?”
“Oh we just call it on-call week. We do month long rotations now. Now stay safe and be good. This one shouldn’t take too long.”
If I ever do get that training I want, I’ll just follow her and she won’t be able to stop me. Shadow Herd mythical? My flank it was!
Until then, I would just have to see how much trouble I could get into this time. First stop would be Sweet Apple Hectares, to see if Applejack would like to learn about the fine art of distillation!
—
I inquired after Applejack at the farmhouse; Dawn Apples wouldn’t hear of me leaving for the orchard without stopping for pie and coffee first – not a bad second breakfast at all and I learned a bit about her and Big Macintosh and their agonizing approach/avoidance courtship. At last she sent me over the hill to the northeast orchard where Applejack was working.
AJ was busy, of course, but if I gave her a hoof pruning deadwood from a few rows of older trees she was willing to listen to my ideas.
“I’ll jes’ mark where I want you to cut and when I get t’ enda row I’ll start cutting until I meet you in the middle. Then we can pick up what’s onna ground and move to the next row.”
“You got it, boss.” I grabbed the saw and shears and started on the first branch she marked.
The work was hard but we got it done well before noon.
“I figured it’d take all day to git that done alone” Applejack stood there fanning herself with her hat. “Now tell me again why I’d want to boil perfectly good cider and de-still it until there is less of it?”
“I think I can show you. Ever drink wine? Its kinda like cider made from grapes.”
“Yeh, it ain’t too bad but Ahm mighty partial to our family brew.”
“Try this.” I reached into my satchel and offered her the bottle of brandy I had brought from Terra. “This started out as wine and underwent the process I which am proposing to you.”
Applejack took her a big old swig. Her eyes got wide but she didn’t choke.
“Woah, Nellie! That packs a bit of kick—” she wobbled slightly after swallowing “—but it warms the belly right comfy.” She took another swig.
“Imagine a product like this—” I paused to take a pull from the bottle “—made from the best cider in the land, aged mellow and smooth in applewood casks, estate bottled, and sold for a premium across Equestria.”
I could see the bits flashing in Applejack’s eyes as she sampled the brandy again.
“Ah like the sound of it,” she said, “tell me how this works.”
I had spent hours working out a process that would be safe and achievable with the current level technical sophistication available in Equestria. There would be no fusel oil sniffing mass spectrometers in this down home appleshine operation. The efficiency might be lower than a more advanced apparatus, but as long as she followed the design and operated it properly, nothing toxic would be produced.
Applejack’s enthusiasm grew as the brandy shrank and I explained it all to her. And enthusiasm was contagious. Without realizing it I slipped into using her rural mode of speech.
“Did you just say ‘boy howdy’?” she interrupted me to ask.
“Reckon Ah did. And as long as you keep the temperature stable on the—”
“Yuh’s havin’ a laugh on account a’ the way Ah talk.” Applejack was not amused.
“No.” I dropped the accent. “I was talking country because it’s good fun and I’m slightly buzzed. There was no disrespect at all. Zero.”
She continued to give me a hard look.
“Ah pinkie-promises it, ma’am.” I made the motion of smashing a cupcake in my eye.
Then her expression softened.
“Wall sheee-ooot, I shoulda know’d you din’ mean no harm ‘t all!” Her smile was warm now. “Ah reckon country IS one-a the most vibrant vocal varieties of verisimilar verbal vernacular in the whole dang whole of ‘Questria! That makes all the dif’rence inna world, like the dif’rence between alfalfa hay and hay alfalfa!”
“Dang right, mah frien’!” I hoped she would let my ignorance of hay nuance slide. “Now that we’ve got that clear’t up, any more questions about the distillayshun process?”
We talked it over some more and went over the diagrams I had printed from the records available on datalinks.
“I can’t rightly say I grasp all the chemistry but surely I can build this, for sure. And the nice thing about runnin’ a farm,” Applejack said, “is I can buy any dang odd bit of hardware and ain’t nopony gonna bat an eyelash. Anything Hoofenail ain’t got in stock I can probably cobble together from chewin’ gum an’ bailin’ wire.”
“Sounds good. Gimme yell if you have any problems. Remember its gonna go down like turpentine until you age it. Probably need at least a year just to be able to swallow it. Give it ten years and ponies will be lining up to shell out a hunert bits a bottle. If Twilight is outta town ag’in I’d be pleased to help with the construction, too.”
“Yer right helpful, Tangent, y’know that? Must be why the Princess keeps ya ‘round!”
If Twilight thought I was helpful, maybe I’d be with her. Helping.
“Yeah,” I said glumly, “that must be it.”
—
“Cheer up!” said Pinkie, “turn your—”
“smile, over for a while?” I completed the cliché incorrectly.
I had met The Pink One on Appleranch Road as I moped back towards Ponyville. She was carrying a pair of empty baskets; presumably for the malic bounty of the very place I had just left.
“Oh, that bad, huh? Does Twilight know you have a mood disorder?”
“No, Pinks.” Now I smiled, at least halfway. “Probably for the best it stay that way.”
“Well, okay… I won’t tell. Maybe what you need is a good brawl.”
“Sure, Pinkie. What are we going to fight about?”
“Not with me, silly!” she giggled. “Find somepony less cheerful. It’d do you good to get it out of your system before Twilight gets back.”
“I have no idea how long her mission will be.”
“Easy, peasy, she doesn’t get home until three chapters from now!”
Author's Note
H/T to M.M. & Hawkwind
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
By the time I was back to Ponyville, my sudden gloomy mood was lifting a bit, and I hadn’t even taken Pinkie’s advice yet. Certainly I was pleased with the results of my visit to the Hectares. It might be a few years before the first batch was aged and ready, but I was looking forward to apple brandy, as well the percentage of the proceeds we had negotiated. Until Equestrian Revenue Services got wise about taxing alcohol based on the strength instead of volume only, the margins should be high.
Strolling back through town I saw Spike sitting on a bench with Spike Jr. cradled in his arms.
I walked over to talk to him.
“Her ladyship is having a creative fit,” he explained quietly as he shifted the sleeping infant to his shoulder, “so the malefolk of the house are wisely staying out from under hoof. How are you liking Ponyville? Need help with anything?”
“Loving it here, loving it. Everypony is so welcoming! Of course, how can they help it, living so close to the global headquarters of the Princess of Friendship?”
“Speaking of whom, where’s she off to now? Now that I’m no longer mom’s personal assistant I lose track of her adventures.”
“Oh just some grumpy troll out in the wastes. I wanted to go with her.”
“She’s trying to keep you safe, am I right?”
“Yeah…”
“Get used to it, bro. She’s got a messiah complex that just can’t stop.”
“I know, Spike buddy, I know. Hey, I been wondering something. Didn’t you used to be a lot younger than Rarity? How’d you catch up?”
“Better grab some popcorn, cos this is an even better story than when I saved the Crystal Empire,”
“Which time?”
Spike grinned, gratified that his fame was sufficiently wide spread that I knew his habit of saving the Crystal Empire was not a one time thing.
The bench where we sat was across the street from the old-style establishment called Hoofenail’s Hardware, presumably the very spot Applejack got her gewgaws from. I moseyed over and returned with a paper bucket of popcorn and two cold ciders.
Spike and I clinked the bottles and he began his tale.
“Depending how you look at things, it might have been just a bit over a year ago…”
—
It was the middle of the night and there was a pounding on Starlight Glimmer’s door. When she finally groaned an inchoate acknowledgment the door burst open and a small figure rushed to her bedside.
“Starlight, wake up, I need you to send me back in time. Seven years, to Celestial Year ten twenty five .”
“Buh, huh?” Starlight had been deeply asleep and waking was slow.
Spike repeated his request, speaking more slowly. A few seconds more or less right now wasn’t going to change what he had to do tonight, years from now.
“ Why are we going then?” she asked, still dazed .
“ Y ou’re staying here.”
“How will you get back to the present without magic?”
Spike whipped out his shades, put them on, and gave Starlight a double thumbs-up. “I’ll walk.”
Now she was fully awake.
“Being a ‘cool dude’ is not going to keep you safe. If anything happens to you I’ll be responsible. You’re hardly more than a colt, if dragons even have a ‘colt’ stage. And Twilight will kill me, Celestia will resurrect me, and then Rarity will kill me some more. Get Twilight to cast the spell for you, she can time travel almost as well as me. I don’t want to do something behind her back and get you killed.”
“I can’t ask Twilight, not this time. I can’t do this alone, but I need to do it without leaning on her. And I believe my associate here can make a very persuasive argument regarding the safety of our plan…”
Into the room loomed a larger dragon. Still able to fit through the door, but large enough that Spike could have easily fit into the pack on his back.
“Hey, hey, Mister Spike,” said the newcomer, “check it out, I remembered where to meet you. Not too shabby after seven whole years.”
The older dragon had some scars and a more mature bearing but he was still, unmistakably, Spike. The shades he wore, too small for his face, broken and taped, were even the same.
“Welcome back to Ponyville, Mister Spike,” said younger S pike, “How well do you remember today?”
“Mainly,” the older dragon’s voice was just like young Spike’s but deeper, “I remember that Miss Glimmer here took some convincing to do the time travel spell for me. She wanted to be sure I would be safe, which I certainly appreciate, she’s a good friend.”
“ That’s right , and I think your presence here answers the safety question. However even now as we dilly-dally here our beloved Rarity is throwing a drama and trashing the boutique because I am too young for her to decently -ahem- sate her divine needs upon.”
Starlight blushed at the thought of what needs, divine or otherwise, might lurk in the soul of a mare as outwardly prim and proper as Rarity. These ponies were not beautiful in their sins.
“So you need to get over there and make things right for her,” young Spike finished.
Young Spike raised his hand and older Spike slapped it.
“Tag!” they both said, and older Spike ran to the door.
Pausing for a moment he turned to point at Starlight, double fingerguns . “I remember!” he said with a smile, and then he was gone.
“Now, my dear friend Starlight Glimmer,” said young Spike, “the time spell if you would be so kind…”
“You’re really going to do this for Rarity?”
Spike raised his eyebrows, nodded towards the door. “It looks like I just did.”
She had to admit that he was right.
“What if older-you is not what Rarity wants?”
“Do you think I would force myself on her?”
“Of course not, Spike, I wasn’t suggesting that!”
“Then trust me. If she rejects me I will bow out and respect her wishes . But if you’d care to place a little wager on the matter, I think I know my beloved Rarity pretty well.”
“What odds are you offering?”
“If I’m not married to Rarity inside of one year on this timeline I owe you a k-bit. If I am, you tell all the guests at our wedding that you doubted me but I was right.”
“No bet . You sound way too confident.” She smiled. “And I want you to be right.”
Starlight offered no further argument: the time portal opened.
“Since older-you has already left the room, there’s something I need you to remember seven years from now when you go to your love.”
“What’s that?”
“Remember that your friend Starlight Glimmer says good luck!” she raise d a foreleg for a friendly hoof bump.
Spike lowered his shades so he could peer over the lenses. He bumped Starlight’s hoof with his free hand . With a wink he stepped through the portal.
—
“The rest, as they say, is history.” Spike concluded his tale.
“You took the long way home from seven years back?”
“Seven years, a couple thousand kilometers of trekking around, battles, a war, skirmishes beyond counting, a royal rescue in dragon country and all kinds of complications from that.”
“That is badass, bro.”
“Ain’t it?” Spike laughed, “I mean, who would even do something like that for a chick, right? It was totally worth it.”
“I’d like to hear Rarity’s side of the story.”
“Milady was in a rough place. I’ll let her decide if she wants that part told.”
“Fair ‘nuff. I’ll ask her sometime when she seems magnanimous and expansive.”
Spike Jr. woke and burped up all over his father’s shoulder.
“Totally worth it,” Spike repeated with a tender smile. “Pass me that cloth?”
Author's Note
Double Drop (two chapters) in honor of the Solstice tomorrow. Of course, I won't believe it until I see daylight on the twenty second. If the sun doesn't rise this Thor's day, I'll be up on the roof, snow blowing in my mane, shouting, "Ragnarök, ragnarök!" at the top of my lungs. If you hear me doing so, that's probably not a good thing.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
When I looked up from my book, a mare I had not met before had entered the library and was watching me read. Pale, pale, blue coat, almost white, purple and white mane, and three stars on her flank: I recognized Twilight Velvet Sparkle immediately.
“Twilight’s away on a mission, ma’am. I’m–”
“Oh, I know who you are,” she said, “I just want to know who you are. If you catch the distinction.”
“Yes, ma’am, I think I do. Tea, or coffee? We can chat for a while about how your daughter is the greatest pony in the world.”
She smiled.
“Tea please. And much as I love my daughter, it’s you I want to hear about today.”
“Ah, well I’ve been hoping to meet you to learn more about her. Has she told you much about me?”
“Nothing. Not even that she was seeing anypony. I only gave birth to her, after all, what do I need to know?”
“Listen, I’m going to pull a Twilight and cut to the chase - skip the evasion and head right to the ugly truth. I can’t lie, my background is not pretty. I know you won’t use my past against your own daughter’s friend, but please be cautious about sharing it with just anypony.”
“Well that’s not an encouraging introduction, even if I do recognize my daughter’s influence in the delivery, but I can assure you that as– as mother of her Highness's star student, I’ve learned more than a few friendship lessons myself. I won’t judge you based on what has happened to you.”
“Thank you, ma’am. She spreads that magic everywhere , doesn’t she?”
“She really does. Now tell me about yourself.”
“I was the youngest of four foals. My sire died before I was born.” Centuries before I was born, I didn’t try to explain. “My dam is an expensive courtesan who wanted a fourth daughter. She punished me severely for this failure; my youth centered around the need to be invisible to my mother.”
“Oh, you poor thing. Are you reasonably sound of mind in spite of the horrid setting? And will I have to rub shoulders with that mare when you marry my Twilight?”
Marry her? Suddenly I was lost in a vision of wedding dress lovely enough for Twilight. Hectares of floating tull, I couldn’t make out her face through the veil wafting in golden light as she walked happily toward the centre of a... circular cathedral? And why did her brother in the front row look so grumpy? The oddness of the scene brought me back to the present.
Twilight Velvet was smiling at me as I spaced out.
“Eh, delicious tea, isn’t it?” I slurped loudly. “I think I am sane enough – I had a friend who helped keep me out of mother’s sight as much as possible. Saved my life and spared me much of the abuse. And no, I wouldn’t tell her let alone invite her, we haven’t spoken in years. I’m not from around here, ma’am, so she’s not going to be dropping in on the in-laws without warning. And I’d never expose Twi’ to the mother who tried to kill me.”
“Who was the pony who helped keep you out of harm’s way?”
“He’s my friend Bear, he’s not a pony. I, uh, wasn’t born pony. And Bear isn’t even a living creature…” I flinched with guilt at the thought of an inert compute module waiting for me, powered down and hidden in my pack.
“I don’t think I’ll be sharing much of your background around the ladies’ knitting circle, but not as bad as I could have feared.”
“‘The heart covets secrets not worth the telling’,” I offered.
“You certainly don’t seem to be an abusive, drug crazed, rapist.”
“No, ma’am, kindness and consent are important.”
Twilight Velvet nodded her approval.
“A more pleasing part of my story is that I am a librarian like your daughter was before princessing took up all her time. I specialize in magic research even though I am not a licensed magic user. Most of what I know is magic of another world, but as I learn about Equestrian magic I hope I can be useful to Twi’.”
“Like that dear Sunburst who helps Shining and Cady with foalsitting. Knows every spell in scores of books, but can’t cast a one of them!”
I held back a frown – as best I knew Sunburst was a really nice stallion, but I found the comparison jarring. And I am pretty sure she must have heard an exaggerated account his lack of ability. Before I needed to come up with a polite gambit to steer the conversation elsewhere, I heard the sound of feet running in the hall and the door burst open.
“SPAAAAIIIKK!” I cried, glad for the distraction. “Wasabi?”
“Hey, yo!” He raised a scaly hand up high, and I reared to slap it with my hoof. “Grandmare Sparkle, are you here to scope out mom’s lover?”
“Spike, buddy,” I groaned “the conversation hadn’t got to the part where she tries to delicately inquire if we’ve gone that far and I pretend like I don’t understand what she’s getting at.”
“Oh, my bad, she knows your banging now! If it helps at all, Grandmare, he’s passed his initial Rarity inspection.” He looked down on me with a smile of approval, as if he were proud of my accomplishment.
Twilight Velvet had risen to hug Spike “That’s good to know Spike. Your wife is a mare of impeccable taste and sound judgment. You seem to be on good terms with him too.”
“Oh, I’m on good terms with everyone, I’m smoooooth like that.” Spike adjusted a non-existant pair of shades. “But if both my mom and the missus say he’s okay, he’s very probably okay.”
“Ok, Spike. Now were you sure when you spilled the beans about their physical relationship?”
“Rar’ and some of the girls caught them in the act, so yep, they’re at it! No doubt about it.”
“Thanks, Spike,” I said, “thanks a lot for sharing. Siddown, have a cookie and stop gabbing your gums!”
“No can do. I’m just delivering a message and I gotta run.”
Spike passed me a small notecard and, true to his word, ran.
The card read,
You are cordially ~~invited~~summoned to tea at Carousel Boutique on the first afternoon you have free after Twilight’s current mission.
A cartoon sketch of Spike winked from beneath his scribbled editation to Rarity’s ornate hoofscript.
He winked like the cartoon as he ducked out the door.
“I like that dragon, but things could be awkward now.”
“Oh, don’t you worry at all. I would have just asked if I wasn’t sure. But I was.”
“H- how could you tell? I know I washed my face as soon as she left…”
“By the way you talk about Twilight.”
“Wha’d’ya mean?”
“You don’t talk like she’s just a pretty mare you bedded. You talk like my daughter is part of you. I think I approve of you.”
“Thank you. I love her, ma’am. Twilight is the pony I want to spend the rest of my life with; she is my life.”
“I think you will. Whether its fifty years or a hundred. You know she’s going to outlive you, right? Alicorn and all…”
“Yes, I know. I don’t know how that will work out when I am old and grey and she’s still coming into the prime of her strength. But I will love her until I die.”
“It’s tough to love an immortal, but that’s how it is,” she said solemnly. “How long did you know Twilight before…”
“About three minutes.”
I waited for her coughing to subside.
“Maybe five?” I added when she could almost breathe again.
“Tell you what, maybe we tell Shining about the ‘three minutes’ and see if you pass the Big Brother test as well as you pass the Mother test.”
“Celestia save me!” I touched my chest reverently when I spoke her Highness’s name “If it helps at all, I had a crush on Twi’ for years and years. So its not really like we were complete strangers.”
“Well, I’m glad she didn’t freak out like… well, like she does.”
“Dammit,” I said, caught off guard.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uh, pardon my Prench.”
“I don’t give a buck about that. But obviously something is bugging you.”
I sighed.
“I don’t want to lie, to you, Mom– I mean ma’am—”
“You can call me mom, dear.” Twilight Velvet said gently.
“Okay, well I don’t want to lie to you even by omission and I don’t want to say anything bad about Twilight. But the truth is that she did freak out. And we got through it. Enough said?”
“Enough said. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, she comes by that honestly. I’m glad the two of you made it through.”
“It was worth it to be with her.”
“How did you meet my daughter?”
“Oh, Mom, it was a dream…”
—
I was seeing Twilight Velvet out as we wrapped up our chat.
“I hope you can bring Nightlight next time you visit. I’d like to meet him soon.”
“Oh, sure. I just came alone in case you turned out to be a jerk. I don’t want my sweetheart getting run up for murder.”
“But what would you have done? Surely you would take action for Twilight’s safety.”
“I know more about beating a murder rap than Nighty does. Stallions can be so innocent…”
“Haha, how practical of you!”
“You were supposed feel vaguely menaced.”
“Oh, I missed the cue – must be because my love for Twilight is so pure. I am glad she has a hardened bloody-hoofed killer for a mother—” Twilight Velvet snorted “—to protect her, but I know that she’ll never need protecting from me.”
“How many foals are you two going to have?”
“We haven’t exactly discussed that, but I’m drawing the line at eight.”
“Ha, ha, ha!” laughed Twilight Velvet as we paused by the castle portcullis. “You can work that out with Twilight, and Nighty and I will be ready to spoil them rotten. I’m so glad to meet you, Tangent. Make sure to have some fun before you get the foal-train rolling – help that book loving daughter of mine catch up for lost time!”
“Yeah, Mom,” I hugged her, ”I’ll do my best! When she’s not off saving the world every day or two.”
“I don’t know if I should tell you this, but just a pointer: if she’s like her mother, she’ll like it rough. Sometimes.”
I would never have guessed, in part from lacking the inclination to ponder such matters, that Twilight Velvet liked it (sometimes) rough but, “I don’t know if I should tell you this, but it sounds like she’s a lot like her mother.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The next day dawned with no sign of Twilight’s return from the wastelands. I spent the morning reading. There were practical matters, the geography and history of Equestria, far more vibrant than the simplified pablum of a childrens’ show. I worked on memorizing city names and the coats of arms of the Equestrian nobility. And I delved into magic tomes, studying and occasionally transcribing, spells. Ironically the easier spells were the hardest to get my hoofs on. Intermediate spells were all but inaccessible to me: too many mages had access to those shelves for me to peruse them without drawing attention to myself. And the basic spells that I most desperately needed to learn were not even present outside the foals’ section where I would be even more at risk of triggering questions I must not answer. In the mean time, I had full access to some of the hardest spells known, hidden in the secret library, and could copy them at leisure. Of course, I didn’t dare practice something like, say, Catmancer’s Cataclysm before I mastered basic Equestrian spells like light or levitation spells that any ten year old unicorn foal knew.
After a few productive hours, of study, I stepped out for a gallop to stretch my legs and wings. Once I was safely in the forest I took flight. Rocketing along just above ground level, under heavy cover, I could work on my speed and agility with no risk of discovery. If somepony did happen to catch a glimpse of me through the trees, they wouldn’t get a chance to notice that my hooves were not touching down before I vanished again. Ducking and swerving like a crazed bat between the trees I worked myself into a heavy sweat; damn, it was good to exert myself. When my wing shoulders began to ache I dropped back to my hooves, to pelt along the winding trail.
I had not gone much further into the hilly woodland beyond Sweet Apple Hectares before I realized I was being tracked from the air. I smiled and made the effort more challenging for whoever it was up there. By abandoning the path and sticking to heavy cover I forced the follower to track me more closely. The occasional crash from the tree canopy testified to the increased risk inherent in the lower altitude flight envelope my pursuer adopted to keep my trail. Whenever the sound of arboreal collisions fell behind I would slow my evasive pace so they would not give up. After a particularly loud crash I got a glimpse of azure plumage and heard a streak of cusses spanning the entire visible spectrum. There was a forest meadow ahead; I smiled and burst out into the sunshine. Once beyond the trees I adopted a casual pose and munched one of the apples I had grabbed from a gnarled tree growing wild beyond the border of the Hectares. After a few minutes a slightly disheveled Rainbow Dash tried to land non-nonchalantly nearby.
“Hey, Tangent.”
“Get down! Somepone gimme a sweater, it just got cool out here!”
“Uh, yeah, whatevs, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure, I’m just out for a casual stroll.”
She snorted at my words.
“Casual, my aft. You must stroll like I fly.” That was actually very close to the target. “I saw you leave Ponyville, but it took me an hour to catch up.”
“You were following me? What’s up?”
“It’s about that Discord.”
“What about him? It’s only fair to tell you that I too am a Chaoist by philosophical bent.”
“I was hopping to get an outsider’s perspective. He’s been hanging around with Fluttershy for years now and I’m worried that he’s a bad influence on her. And that he might be sexually corrupting her too.”
I took another bite of my apple and chewed slowly. How was I going to honor Fluttershy’s request without actually lying?
“Dash,” I said at last, “Miss Fluttershy is a grown pony and can take care of herself. And she knows that she can ask her friends, including you, for help if she ever needs it. Furthermore it would be silly to deny that Discord cares deeply about her. Do you remember how devastated he was when he realized that he had betrayed her? If their relationship has moved to the next level it’s about time and certainly none of my business.”
“But—”
“And none of yours, either.”
“But he—”
I cut her off with a conspiratorial whisper. “Unless they’ve invited you to join them…”
I waggled my eyebrows at her like the zany Lord Julius of ancient Palnu.
“What? Why, you!” she stepped menacingly towards me, “I should give you a beat down you won’t forget.”
I didn’t back down. Instead, “you’re welcome to try. I’m overdue for a good kicking right now.”
The initial show down was short. When Dash saw that I was going to stand my ground she sprang into the air and looped around to perform an aerial strafing rather than attack on the surface.
“Bring it!” I shouted, “Rainbow Wrath!”
I dodged her fore-hoof as she zoomed past but she connected with the hind, and she wasn’t pulling the kick.
“I’ve had worse,” I taunted even though I was wobbling and seeing stars.
She dove to pick up speed again I pitched the apple core at her. It missed by meters. I retrieved another apple; on her next flyby I feigned a throw and she broke off the attack but performed a tight roll and was back. She kicked me again before I had fully recovered from my false throw. As she circled yet again I aimed carefully and threw my last apple at her head. She turned away from me at just that moment – the apple struck her square in the plot.
Oops.
I wouldn’t’ve landed a low blow like that on purpose.
Dash lost control of her flight and corkscrewed into a tree. After a series of crashes descending through the foliage she dropped out of the branches and into the brush.
I sauntered over to the clump of gorse growing under the tree Dash had struck.
“I gotta control that temper,” I heard from within the prickly mass.
“If you’ll stop kicking me, at least until you’re free, I’ll get you out of there.”
“I promise,” she said in a small voice, “I think I hurt my wing.”
“Okay, miss Dash, hold still.”
She was completely buried in the spiny brush, thorns poking at her from all directions. By the time I had freed her from the maze of prickles I had more scratches than she did, but a gouge on her leg looked like it needed attention.
I helped her to her hooves and she stood there cautiously trying her wings.
“More kicking?”
She shook her head, no.
“How’s that wing?”
“I better see the doctor. Can you walk me to the emergency room?”
“I’ll carry you if you need me too. I’d do anything for Twilight’s friends.”
“I think I can walk,” she said after an experimental step with her wounded leg. “What about your friends, Tangent? Am I your friend?”
“I’d like that. But I’m not sure if I’ve earned it or not.”
“You’re sticking around to help me after I was a hothead and picked a fight with you. That kind of loyalty means a lot to me.”
“Thanks, Dash. Are you still worried about what our dear friends Discord and Fluttershy get up to in private?”
“You’re right, its not my business, as long as he doesn’t hurt her.” She sighed. “It’s hard to let go. I’ve always felt so protective of Fluttershy, ever since we were young. Its like I want her to be innocent forever, like…”
She shook her head and didn’t say any more.
“It’s reasonable to assume that she’s gotta grow up. It’s very loyal of you to want to protect her, but she has to make her own choices just like you have.”
Dash squirmed now.
“And you know darn well,” I continued, “that she is a strong mare - her ninety five percent timid pushover is backed up by five percent solid iron hardass where it counts. And about Discord, well I’m sure you’ve known mares who had much more normal coltfriends than the Lord of Chaos who ended up being utterly banal in their jerkhood. You got any friends who are abandoned single parents?”
“Yeah. I hate quitters!”
“And do you think Discord would abandon Miss Fluttershy?”
“No!”
“Well then, who cares if he is weird, am I right?”
“Tangent.” Dash had stopped outside the emergency entry at Ponyville General Hospital. “You’re right. And even if you were wrong, I’m sorry for kicking you.”
“All is forgiven, friend. You’re not the first mare to kick me around a bit.” I winked and realized the the side of my face was swollen. “Now lets get that wing, and leg, of yours looked at. Maybe I can get my eye iced while they examine you.”
Dash needed three stitches on her leg in addition to a splint on her wing. I was duly checked for concussion and given an ice pack. Nurse Redheart refrained from lecturing us, but her silent judgment spoke volumes.
Outside the E.R. we parted ways.
“Fluttershy’s gonna be so upset with me.”
“Dash, the only thing Miss Shy needs to know is that she finds herself realizing that she no longer has any doubt about your unwavering support of her life choices. How you reached that state of clarity is not her concern; she will not learn it from me.”
“Thank you, friend.”
—
I returned from another morning’s exploration of sylvan mysteries to find that Twilight was back from her mission.
After the kiss she stepped back to look at me.
“Tangent! You’ve got a black eye, what the hay? I was only gone for three days.”
“Heh!” I laughed, “you should see the other truck!”
“Who did this?”
“Let us just say that I gave as good as I got and we consider the matter to be closed.”
“Did you part as friends?”
“Yes, I think we really did. We worked out some crucial understanding.”
“Then as the Princess of Friendship, I must respect your judgment. But as a mare I really really want to know what the buck happened to my somepony special!”
“Well, dearest, I don’t want to gossip behind anypony’s back. I should ask the other pony if its okay to talk about our tiny spat—”
Before I could further avoid elaborating further Dash burst into the room “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” she gasped, out of breath from the unaccustomed effort of running on the ground instead of flying. “Please don’t be mad at me for—”
Dash stopped when she saw the amusement on Twilight’s face. “You’re… not mad?”
Twilight didn’t answer Dash’s question directly. Instead she spoke to me “You went hoof-to-hoof with Rainbow lighting-temper Dash and she got the worst of it? Did you go easy on her since she is a mare?”
“I wouldn’t dare!” I said and Dash snorted her agreement.
“Point taken,” said Twilight. “Well you really are a fairly solid earthpony in a scrap.”
“I’m sure it was just luck. Any other day she would have kicked my ass.”
“Bullshit, buddy,” Dash interjected, “you won fair and square.”
“Is your wing going to be okay?” Twilight asked her.
“Doc Cleaver says I can fly for short distances in three weeks. It’s just a bit of a sprain.”
“You know,” Twilight turned back to me, “it’s generally considered unsporting to hit a pony’s wing in a friendly brawl.”
“Actually I accidentally hit her in the backside with an apple after she buzzed me and that made her crash into a tree. I was aiming for her head but she was just too fast.”
“I’m surprised you could hit anything after I kicked you in the head twice, most ponies are smart enough to fall over the first time I kick them. Good thing you didn’t throw a banana! Imagine how that would look in a friendship report.” Dash struck a dramatic pose. “Dear Princess Cee,” she narrated, reading an imaginary letter to Celestia, “today Twilight’s lover claimed my virginity with a flying banana. He was acting in self defense and I have agreed not to… not to…not to press charges, if I can keep the banana.” Dash cracked herself up.
“Your highness,” I laughed, “I’d like my banana back, but only if she washes it.”
“Nooooooo don’t take the banana!”
“'Tis better to have banana’d and lost than to’ve never banana’d at all.”
Dash and I could hardly stand, we were laughing so hard.
“This is getting silly,” Twilight said as she smiled at our antics. “You two have worked through your conflict?”
“Yes ma’am!” we replied, saluting.
“Then as the Princess of Friendship I hereby declare this friendship crisis resolved.” She still smiled, but now there was sadness showing in her eyes .“Tartarus knows my mission was a flop.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
After her bummer of a misadventure with the viciously insouciant troll, Twilight was more than happy to let Starlight start her on-call duty a few days early. Glimmer could always use the extra on-call bonus, anyway.
Twilight delayed writing her after action report so we could respond to Rarity’s ~~invitation~~ summons. We were having a pleasant tea at the boutique when I asked for her perspective on Spike’s return from his time travel jaunt.
“Oh, darling, I couldn’t possibly reveal the details of such a deeply personal event. It was entirely too sultry to share. And my mane was such a disaster that night.”
For a moment everypony sat quietly, sipping their tea. I certainly hadn’t meant to pry overmuch.
“You see,” Rarity said breathlessly, “it was like this…”
—
The boutique was half destroyed and Rarity’s temper was nowhere near vented. She staggered into her workroom panting. She felt awful for driving dear little Spike out into the night. But dammit, she needed some action and he was too bucking young.
Dear Princess Celestia, why did the fellow of her dreams have to be half her age and three years under the age of consent?
“Oh Spike,” she whimpered into the shadows, “can you wait just a few more years? Can I?”
For an instant she considered whether the prison sentence would be worth it to just do him now .
“No! Bad Rarity!” she slapped herself hard enough her cheek stung.
“Oooooo-ungh!” she cried in frustrated rage and pushed another dressmaker’s ponikin over. This one clipped a shelf of sewing supplies as it fell, sending tools and notions flying. Rarity whirled and kicked. Her hoof connected with pair of falling pinking shears sending them soaring across the room to impale the clock over the door.
“I should learn to colour my own fibres, I could really do some damage with a vat of dye!”
She went through the motions of splashing gouts of steaming dye across the room, stomped a rack of dresses into the imaginary puddles, and then heaved as if to push over a cauldron that wasn’t there.
Stumbling to the wall she collided hard enough to knock yet another hole in the plaster and slid to the floor “And I just want to diiieeeee…..” she groaned.
A trickle of blood ran down her face where she had struck herself.
“Rarity.”
It was Spike’s voice. She had not heard his approach over the sound of her own sobbing and mayhem.
Rarity didn’t dare look up, she didn’t trust herself to look into his eyes.
“ Go home , Spike. I love you too much to commit statutory rape against you.”
“Rarity,” he repeated.
Spike was aghast to see the mess and destruction. Even worse than he had guessed from the crashing and banging that had filled the boutique as he approached. Even worse than he had imagined when he ran from the boutique eight years ago.
“Statutory rape means that even if you want me as much as I want you, our culture has agreed that children your age are too young to make that kind of life decision and I go to the mare’s prison. I don’t care about prison, I don’t care about the ghastly attire, I don’t care about the inedible slop. I don’t even care about sadistic guards and cell block bullies and getting rape d every day in the showers. But I do care about hurting you.”
“I know what it means, Rarity. Look at me.”
“I can’t,” she whispered in a tiny voice.
Spike waited for her to say more .
“If I look at you now I am lost. I don’t want you to grow up hating the old washed up fashionista jailbird who molested you…”
Spike sighed.
“Rarity, my sweet love, simply look at me.” His voice was gentle, compassionate, but never before had she heard that note of command in it. “ Now, please. ”
Reluctantly she raised her head. She had to blink the tears out of her eyes to focus on his unexpected bulk.
“Spikey Wikey?” For minutes she simply stared at him. Finally she stood and walked to him like a mare hypnotized. She was amazed to find that when standing she no longer need look down to meet his gaze. Raising a hoof she felt the firmness of his adventure hardened muscles, delicately traced the line of a scar that ran almost from shoulder to his elbow. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’ve been trying to.”
“ I neither know, nor care, how you’ve done this. Shall I assume the position right now, or may I wash my face first?” H er expression was a radiant alchemy of joy, relief, and desire, shining through smears of tear streaked mascara.
“Rar’, there is something that must be addressed first.”
“A bath too perhaps ? I c ertainly am a wreck.”
Rarity was bruised and bloodied from injuries sustained during her tantrum, bedraggled and tear stained, coat dusted with plaster, splinters in her mane and tail her knotted in tangled elflocks .
“Not that. You a re the best thing I’ve seen in my life . ” Spike knelt before her. “Rarity, will you marry me?”
“Well, duh—” she cleared her throat. “Pardon me, what I mean to say was: nothing could stop me, my dear Sir Spike.” Once more she was herself: elegance incarnate. No amount of mess and mayhem could lessen her.
“You make me more happy than I can say, my lady. Now, if I am to take wife I must be able to provide for her—”
He dropped his pack with a thud that shook the floor of the boutique. Loosening the drawstring at the top he let it tip, spilling bushels of coins and gems to flood around Rarity’s hooves like a sparkling river.
“— i f you’d like to retire.”
Rarity’s eyes were as wide as saucers but she shook her head ‘no’.
“Now, to adorn your dress of purest white — ”
“Oh, Tirek take my dress of pure white, let him wear it!” Rarity stomped impatiently, her hooves splashing coins and jewels, “I shall wear a harlot’s red and walk the aisle unshod and visibly pregnant! Take me now!”
“–of purest white,” he repeated, again with a quiet authority emphasizing his words, “I bring you…” with a flourish Spike unrolled a strip of blackest velvet. The fabric was frayed at the edges but safely nestled in the midnight depths of its lush folds were six diamonds the exact size and cut of the gems making up Rarity’s cutie mark. Pale blue, and luminous in their adamant perfection, they held her gaze magnetically.
“Oh. Ohhhhhh. Oh My.” Rarity was entranced. “Would it not be a crime to neglect these beauties? The y must have been a k ing’s ransom.”
“A Queen’s, in fact,” Spike chuckled, “ y es, my love, they literally were a q ueen’s ransom .”
“It will take week s to acquire the silks I need and at least two more weeks to sew them. I shall surpass myself. Can you wait that long?”
“I have been waiting since the hour I set foot in Ponyville for the Summer Sun Celebration back in one thousand twenty four. Eight years ago for you, my lady, fifteen for me. A few more weeks are a very small thing.”
—
“Oh, Rarity, you tell it so well! I love that part of the story,” Twilight said when the tale had ended, “sooo romantic!”
“Dang, Spike, what an absolute stud! I suddenly feel much less confident about how I wooed Princess Twilight!”
“Hey, how did you meet my mom?” Spike asked “All anypony knows is that a mysterious stranger showed up out of nowhere at her side.”
“Yes, dears, you must tell all. How did Twilight find her dark stranger with the silver tongue?”
“I kicked him!” Twilight said with an impish grin, “until he agreed to come home with me.”
“I wasn’t going to mention the kicking,” I replied, “just the long nights of wine and song!”
“Wine and song? I don’t remember that at all.”
“The wine was so you wouldn’t remember my singing!”
“I remember something was long, those nights,” Twilight murmured.
Rarity offered her pronouncement: “Well I think you two are a wonderful match. But I can see from the smoldering exchange of glances that we will have to hear the story another time.”
She stood and walked us to the door.
“Run along now children!”
—
Walking back to the castle with Twilight I nuzzled her. “I’m sure glad to be spending the rest of my life in Equestria…”
“In spite of all the kicking it took to get you here?”
“You can kick me whenever you want, just don’t kick me out.”
“Never!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The next morning Twilight and I were “reading” together when Discord bustled into the third and most esoteric of the castle’s three magic libraries.
“I’m terribly sorry to interrupt your studies,” he said, “but I urgently require your assistance, please, please, please, and please!”
Twilight looked up from the book we were sharing.
“Of course, Discord, we’re glad to help even if the timing could be better. Here hold this for Tangent.” She floated the Enchanted Ponisutra over to him and turned her head to address me. “I might be a little distracted, but don’t stop back there.”
Discord held the book up while he explained the situation.
“The newly crowned Queen Valeria of Draconequia is looking for me. My mother. She will try to turn me evil. As queen she may be able to mind control her subjects. Honestly I never paid much attention to what regal powers go along with the sparkly hat and the shiny stick. Obviously that was my mistake.” He sighed. “Anyway, Flutters is rounding up the rest of The Six, can you please turn me back into a statue until mother leaves?”
“A statue again? Are you sure?”
“Yes, dear Princess Sparkle, I am desperately sure.” For once Discord wasn’t even jesting. “I will die if I ever betray Fluttershy again.”
“Do we have time to discuss alter-unnngh-tives?” I asked as I continued my portion of our sutra practice.
“Honestly I don’t think we have time to discuss this plan let alone other plans. It doesn’t seem like they will get here in time. And my suspicion about the regal mind control might be what is termed a strong suspicion.”
“Okay, Discord, now this is what you’re going to do. Put both arms out in front of you, palms up.”
Discord was baffled but he complied with Twilight’s instructions, his dissimilar palms facing the ceiling.
Twilight was already charging up for a major spell. Her horn glowed brightly and the rose nimbus around it pulsed with energy. Just as Discord’s eyes were growing wide with curiosity, she cast her spell and two things happened. Firstly Discord turned to stone without the rest of the Six helping. More proximate from my perspective, something indescribable happened inside her body and in the magically charged depths of her vagina I was instantly launched from ‘this is very nice indeed, let’s make it last’ to ‘dear Celestia I just came’ with shuddering and painful intensity.
“Did you do that on purpose?” I asked when I could speak again.
“I’m not sure. Do what?”
“Whatever you did inside your um, mare parts. It was intense. When you cast the spell.”
“No-o-o-o, I didn’t consciously do anything special down there, but that was a strong spell. And I certainly did notice your reaction. We’ll have to” she grinned “investigate further. But for now, check this out!”
Twilight climbed our new draconequs statue; she stood her rear hooves on his outstretched palms and rested her fore hooves on his shoulders.
“I should have told him to close his eyes,” she laughed, “this is kinda creepy. Now start licking!”
Her previously mentioned mare parts, brimming with semen, were precisely elevated such that had only to incline my head slightly upwards to reach her with my mouth.
I started at the back of her knee slowly–
“Hurry up, let’s not put on another show for my homegirls. How quickly,” she asked playfully, “can you orgasm the Princess you love? Get me off as fast as you can.”
All the lovemaking guides in all the worlds will typically tell anybeing making love to a female mammal, “don’t just dive for the clitoris”. What they leave out, is what to do in response to such a command: I dove for the clit. Drawing upon all my experience with Twilight’s body I worshiped her sweet sex with lips and tongue. Faster than I can claim credit for with my own skill she was moaning hard – and per instructions I didn’t waste any time taking her all the way to orgasm.
“Glad to see he’s good for something,” an unfamiliar voice said. “Just like in the picture book.”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Twilight moaned to the female draconequs now lounging in one of the overstuffed reading chairs with our book on her lap, “I’m not done.”
I took that as my cue to keep licking until I could feel the tension in Twilight’s body change, signaling the end of her climax. If we didn’t have a hostile audience, and more audience on the way, I’d have a lot more licking I’d want to do.
Valeria slow-clapped as Twilight climbed down, panting.
“Lovely show, but I’m afraid you’ll be losing your prop. He may be able to escape my power as a statue but—” She stood suddenly, sending the book on her lap to the floor. Walking across it, she whisked a large sledge out of thin air. “—he will serve. If not as my heir, then as gravel on the path.”
“Watch. The. Book,” Equestria’s most powerful librarian grated. “I’ve had that since I was eight!”
“That’s some foalhood,” the Queen muttered as she kicked the book aside. “If you think that’s bad,” she said in response to Twilight’s gasp of outrage, “wait ‘till you see what I’m going to do to this idiot. He can’t even defend himself like this, what was he thinking?”
As Valeria raised the sledge hammer to swing, Twilight's horn was beginning to glow. Before she could cast anything Fluttershy galloped into the room, carrying Discord’s Chaos Spear. She threw herself between Discord and his mother. Hot on her heels were Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie Pie.
“Get away from him, you bitch!” In full-on Glare-Master mode, the yellow mare was force to be reckoned with.
Valeria dropped the hammer back into pocket-space and launched a fireball.
Fluttershy caught the fireball with the spearhead and flicked it back.
“I’m not scared of you,” she said.
“I could kill you with my eyes closed, even if you do wield the Chaos Spear.”
Fluttershy whirled the weapon and grounded it with a floor rattling thump. “I doubt it. But being ABLE to kill me isn’t good enough, Mother Draconequs,” she sneered, “you’re going to have to actually DO it. Only then I still won’t be scared of you because I’ll be gone.”
Valeria snorted.
“If its fear that you’re after, either way You Lose.”
“Have it your way pony. This is a waste of my time. Tell my former son that he is a dickless wimp and that I formally disown him.”
“I’ll tell him that his mommy loves him,” Fluttershy swaggered defiantly, “and sets him free. Me and my hour long orgasms know all about his dick .”
“Too much information, little horsie slut.”
“Then don’t get me started about that tongue of his.”
The draconequus queen scowled and vanished in a poof of smoke.
Fluttershy slumped, breathing hard and leaning against the spear. “Oh, thank Celestia she’s gone, that was exhausting, I can’t believe I did that,” she sighed in her normal voice. “If everypony could, um, please just forget the stuff I said to her.”
“Think nothing of it, darling,” said Rarity, “nopony had any doubts, except maybe Dash.”
“Really?” Fluttershy squeaked the question, eyes wide. “You all know?”
“Celestia’s truth, buttercube. We all done knowed for quite a while. Barin’ the one possible exception Rar’ might’a mentioned.”
“Dashie? Are you shocked?”
“Shocked? Am I Shocked‽” Rainbow demanded. “Shocked and awed maybe! That was the. Coolest. Thing. Ever! You showed her no one messes with our friends. And you need to know I approve of you and Discord, a hundred and twenty percent! Buck his brains out and make sure he knows exactly what it means to bed one of The Six.”
All the mares gathered around Discord and Fluttershy as Twilight cast the spell to return Discord to his normal form.
Discord, now un-statued, shook himself.
“I didn’t know you could do the statue spell all by yourself. And while distracted, no less. You’ve been keeping a wild card up your sleeve just in case you ever needed to shut me down.” Discord wagged a finger at Twilight. “You are a very tricky little pony, Princess.”
“No, Discord. I didn’t tell you about that spell because I didn’t want you to feel threatened. I only did it that way because you asked for help, quickly. If I needed to quote shut you down unquote I would have used the the magic that requires all six of us to be in consensus.”
“Oh.” Discord was simultaneously thunderstruck, flabbergasted, gobsmacked, and gimcracked. The resulting contortions left him almost at a loss for words. “Well I do apologize, that is very considerate of you, and rather oafish of me to assume otherwise. Er, thank you.”
He looked almost sheepish as he untangled his long, sinuous, body.
“You’re welcome,” Twilght smiled, “we all value your friendship too much to extract it from you by threat. Right, girls?”
“Yeah!”
“Straight shootin’.”
“But of course.”
“Duh, yeah!”
“You see, dear?”
“And thank, you, dearest,” he said to Fluttershy, “you were absolutely amazing.” Discord reached for his Chaos Spear, but Fluttershy shifted it out of his reach. Eyes twinkling with the game, he tried again to take the spear and he found that she again shifted it beyond his grasp. Two more attempts and he pursed his lips in confusion.
“Let’s go now,” said Fluttershy as she slung her Chaos Spear over her shoulder.
Discord shrugged and followed as she walked to the door.
“Dissy?”
“Yes, beloved?” Discord replied with unwonted humility.
“If your ex-mother calls me a slut again,” she spoke gently, “I’m going to rip her heart out and eat it.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Mom Sparkle!”
I set down my chopsticks and waved at the near-white mare. She heard my call and crossed the street.
“Well, hello Tangent! Is my daughter somewhere around here?” She was looking up and down the street as if she might see Twilight emerging from one of the many shops.
“She’s busy today, writing an after action report for her most recent mission. So she shunted me out of the castle to amuse myself. Instead of moping around Ponyville I decided to check out the Canterlot Arboretum!”
“Eh?”
She looked around again, perhaps double checking her own location.
“I took a wrong turn, so I’m trying to make the best of it here in the Otone Shopping District.”
I was sitting at a noodle stand, fiddling with my chopsticks while I waited, when I had spotted Twilight Velvet.
“Is Nightlight with you?”
“He’s not foal enough to come along on my shopping trips. I only come here once a year and I plan to make the most of it.”
“So join me for lunch then! If you haven’t already eaten. My treat.”
“I don’t mind if I do,” she said, setting her shopping bags down and sitting to my right. “I see you’re left-hooved.”
I spun my chopsticks once more and set them down again, resolving to let them sit until my food arrived.
“Sorry. Nervous habit. I don’t even notice picking them up. Hey Uncle!” I called to the noodle vendor, “change that to two orders of house special ramen, please, and make hers a deluxe! Thanks!”
“Oh, you’ll spoil me for sure.”
“Good, good, how else am I to extract more tales of little Twilight from you?”
“If that’s the only compense you need, let me tell you about one time we took ‘little Twilight’ to market…”
—
Little Twilight’s eyes were huge as she followed mommy and daddy through the bustle of the Canterlot Market.
There were, of course, more vegetable stands than anypony really needed. Clothiers, shoeries, milliners, smiths and armorers were present in truly excessive numbers. But, the book stores, the magic shops, the candy stores, the book stores, the magic shops, the bakeries, the book stores, the magic shops, the toy stores, and, oh!, the book stores!
Donkey Oaty, Bookseller Extraordinaire, Proscribed Works a Specialty, one sign read. At the top of the sign a toy sized windmill spun its vanes slowly, menaced by a fiery Spanish stallion. A strange apish creature in quaint armor bore the stallion’s lance for him.
The call was too strong! Casting a simple cantrip that would have her parents continuing to hear her hoofsteps behind them, she slipt away and entered a mystic fane of bibliolatry.
This bookshop had once been a private residence, a mansion with many rooms. The street entrance opened into a former parlor, the small check out counter surrounded with shelves of books: fashion on the east wall, floral on the west, and family beside the door leading into the next room.
Wandering onward, Twilight found room after room, all walled floor to ceiling with shelves, with comfortable chairs and reading tables located roomcenter where they would not impinge on the ability to maximize shelf space.
Through the fascinating gamut of the huge ill kempt labyrinthine mazed nest of pages, quartos, reams, scrolls uncountable, volumes weary and xanthic, little Twilight thought herself in heaven. The range of material was far broader than the foals’ section at the neighborhood branch of the Canterlot Library or the library at her grade school.
Remembering the words of Miss Alexandria the librarian, “if you can reach it, it’s probably okay for you to read it,” she levitated one lavishly illustrated volume down from an Adults Only shelf (behind a curtain, in a small room that had once been a den, mostly populated with sci-fi). Twilight didn’t know what a ‘sutra’ was, but the exercises shown did not look very practical. Despite this, the mare and stallion in the photos looked happy enough as they contorted themselves through endless improbable juxtapositions. What funny ponies! She might have to come back for that one when she had some bits.
Taking a seat in a bright room which had once been a small conservatory (topics: medicine, mechanical devices, & magic; the magic section continuing into the hall and around the periphery of the mezzanine) Twilight began to read in earnest. She spent the day devouring every book that caught her eye; eventually the proprietor realized that she couldn't have arrived with any of his customers, she must be alone.
“Excuse me, miss, are your parents—”
“I’m hungry, please,” she said without looking up.
The kitchen, in addition to hosting some forty linear metres of shelves (cookbooks, culinary history, agriculture), was still functional and Donkey Oaty made use of it.
Politely, the filly thanked him for her melted cheese sandwich. With approval he noted how she pushed the book away before she ate and did not touch a single page again until she had carefully cleaned her hooves. Reassured that his stock was safe, he retreated without questioning her further.
She read deep into the night, and when she fell asleep at her current book he draped a blanket around her shoulders. In the time that followed he produced food whenever asked, but otherwise he let her roam untended.
One day, two soldiers entered Donkey Oaty’s shop. They didn’t look like avid readers, but as far as he recalled he hadn’t sold anything illegal recently. A year ago a volume of Das Unaussprechlichen Kolten had passed through his hooves, but he was sure the collector who acquired it for her shelves was both too discreet to be caught out and above ratting out her source if she did get caught.
The guards offered no explanation for their presence. Suspiciously they swept through all the nooks and crannies of the shop. The only customer in the place, a young filly, was the right colour, but she was clearly no foalnapping victim. She looked up from the book she was reading and smiled at the guards before taking another sip of her tea. When they saw what she was reading, they assumed she must also be too old to be the filly they were searching for. With a bit of a shudder they hurried the rest of their search.
Little Twilight wondered what kind of book the soldiers were looking for. They were sure to find it in a shop like this, but they soon faded from her mind as she poured over the pages before her. These death curses were really too interesting!
And so more days flew past.
From time to time she would move her base of operations to other rooms. A small office (furniture, arts and crafts), the master bedroom (history, philosophy, equilogy), a guest room (drama, literature, foreign works), all had their turn. Even the restroom housed bookshelves (humor, comics).
Days turned into a week.
—
“A whole week?” I gasped, broth dripping from my chin.
“Yep!” Twilight Velvet said, and paused to slurp more of her noodles. “They put checkpoints on every road out of Canterlotand searched door to door. Two different groups of guards looked right at her and figured that the pony they were looking for wouldn’t be sitting there happily reading. That poor old donkey fed her whenever she was hungry and let her read as much as she wanted. He never left his shop that whole time so he never learned that all Canterlot was in an uproar about a missing filly. Finally she decided that she missed Mister Smartypants and left on her own.”
—
Ding! Ding!
The bell on the door jangled and Donkey Oaty snorted awake. He had been sleeping at the front counter of his shop every night for days now. Nopony had entered the shop; after a quick look around he realize that he was alone. The purple filly had left and stacked on the table were an eclectic mix of brightly coloured foals’ books and forbidden tomes of eldritch horror; a note in crayon asked him to put them on layaway until she could save up enough allowance to buy them.
With no clue what a fuss her absence had caused, Little Twilight walked herself home.
—
“You and Nightlight must have been frantic!”
“Funny thing, Tangent. We were worried, of course we were, but we had good reason to believe that wherever she was, she was safe. I can’t go into details. I wish I could.”
“I understand.”
I already had more secrets than I wanted and would not pry into hers.
“Whatever happened with Donkey Oaty?”
“Oh, he’s great, we got to meet him when it was all over. And Twilight became a regular customer, she spent her allowance at his shop for years until she moved out. I’ll bet you anything she’s still got a frequent customer punch-card in her wallet.”
“No bet. She probably does!”
“Of course, the worst part was that spell of hers! We kept hearing her behind us the whole time she was missing and nopony could figure out how to break it. Now that was nerve wracking.”
As she spoke a pair of ponies sat down at the noodle stand. The yellow mare with platinum white mane was unknown to me, but I recognized the amber toned stallion.
Brushing his blue mane out of his eyes, he greeted Twilight Velvet.
“Oh, hi, Mrs. Sparkle!”
“Hello, Flash,” she said, “Tangent, this is Flash Sentry and his wife Bambi.”
“Hi!” I said. Flash shook my hoof and Bambi waved.
“Flash,” mom Sparkle continued her introductions, “this is Tangent, my daughter’s colt-friend.”
“Oh, hi,” he said to me, evidently surprised.
“Flash here used to do security detail for Twilight before he was promoted,” Twilight Velvet explained unnecessarily, “she had a crush on him forever, but I don’t think—”
“No, I didn’t!”
“No, he didn’t!”
“No, they didn’t!”
Flash, his wife, and I, all spoke at once.
“Well I’m glad we’ve got that settled. Thank you for lunch, Tangent, I shall continue my shopping.”
I rose to hug her before she left. “Thanks for having lunch with me. Take care, mom.”
Twilight Velvet collected her bags and set forth as I sat back down. I had been so entranced to hear about Little Twilight’s adventure that my noodles were only half gone.
“Awkward much?” Flash asked. “Buy you a beer?”
“Sure, pone, thanks.”
“Hon?” he asked and his wife nodded, yes. “Oji! Three beers, please! And two house special ramen, deluxe for the missus.”
Beverages arrived and we drank in silence.
“Where’re you from?” he asked at last.
“Uh, far away, Flash. I don’t know if I should—”
“Sorry, forget I asked. I’m not cleared for anything confidential outside of my current assignment. Where you staying?”
“Ponyville. At the castle.”
“Nice,” Bambi enthused, “that castle is soooo cool and shiny. The Princess invited Flash and me to stay in the castle for the summer rose festival the other year, right after we were married. She’s so nice! Which suite are you staying in?”
“Twilight’s”
“Oh!”
“And you’re calling Mrs. Sparkle ‘mom’, huh,” Flash said. “The princess is one helluva pony, I’m glad she’s got somepony special in her life.”
“Me too!” said Bambi, leaning closer to Flash. “I don’t want her regretting that she let a stud like this fellow slip through her hooves.”
“As if,” he scoffed. “The princess knows that a lug like me too laid back to keep up with a, ah, high energy mare like her. I hope things are working out.”
“Thanks, pone,” I said as I stood and turned towards the market street where I might find a certain book seller, “I really think they are. It’s been a pleasure to meet you both, thanks for the drink.”
Author's Note
Bonus drop this week; comments welcome.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
"The power of Celestia compels you! The power of Luna compels you!"
Pinkie stood imposing in a black cassock; she chanted while shaking a couple of worn, mismatched, silver horseshoes at the possessed mare. Clouds of incense smoke swirled around her, wafted by an assistant swinging a censer.
She was putting an impressive amount of effort into the exorcism. The sisters hadn't worn silver shoes since before their coronation and Pinkie had somehow obtained these holy relics - the ritual ought to do the job.
Pinkie had worked herself into a lather - in a frothing fanatical frenzy she shouted, "I exercise you!"
"I think you mean exorcise, darling, exercise just makes me stronger."
Rarity tossed her head as Pinkie continue to jangle to shoes together.
"I command you by Celestia and Luna!"
"Yes, yes, yes, I know who Celestia and Luna are," the demon controlling Rarity's body spoke with syrupy sweet malice, "but just who are you?"
Pinkie started to back away.
An evil grin spread on Rarity's face; she held up a large pair of scissors with sharp zig-zag edged blades.
"I trust you know what these are—" Pinkie stared at the menacing implement "—and what they can do to pink little ears!"
Slowly Pinkie's ears flattened, conforming themselves to her skull as if they wanted to hide.
Rarity advanced on her, opening and closing the shears every step with a menacing snick, snick, snick.
"Ulp." Pinkie ditched her robes. "Here comes the chase scene!"
—
When the cutie marks started lighting up, and the map table gave a destination, Twilight finally relented and included me on a mission. It wasn’t any further away than the central business district of Ponyville — no less an iconic destination than Carousel Boutique hosted the demonic crisis.
“…and mostly just keep out of the way. Have this ready when I call for it,” she summed up my orders.
I tucked the soul gem in my satchel and saluted. “Got it.”
“Let’s go,” she said with a nervous smile. Was it really so stressful having me included on the rescue team?
Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and I fell in behind her; it was a short march to town.
We turned onto Fleet Street and stood before Rarity’s shop.
Pinkie listened at the door. “I hear six heartbeats,” she said, “and I smell evil.”
Pinkie knocked , now trying to peer through the keyhole.
“So that would be approximately two octopuses,” I murmured as we waited.
“Octopi,” Twilight miscorrected me.
“Eww,” said AJ, “If yer makin’ pie, I recommend apples, not octo-watsits.”
The door slowly creaked open and Pinkie skittered backwards, landing on her rear. Blue eyes shone in the darkness of the fashion showroom.
“Oh, customers! Won’t you come see what I’ve been working on, darlings? My new designs are simply to die in.”
Rarity’s eyes didn’t normally glow.
“I’n’it supposed to be ‘to die for’, Rar’?”
“No, dear, I’m quite sure it is ‘in’ in this case.”
Rarity stepped aside and we entered; spotlights flared.
The showroom was deserted; only Rarity and an assortment of ponikins. Oddly …lifelike… ponikins showing the warped fashions she had contrived under the bonds of demonic possession. With only short days before the F 4 , it was natural to expect that she might push fashion boundaries. But perhaps not in the direction indicated by these designs. In comparison with the strange attire on display, Rarity looked even more glamorous than usual. Preternaturally so.
But where were the other heartbeats Pinkie heard coming from?
As our eyes adjusted to the bright light we began to see that the ponikins were not as stationary as they should be. They weren’t ponikins at all! Real ponies were strapped into bizarre outfits, on display as if they were lifeless dummies. The magic of the horror couture siphoned the essence of each pony’s individual good looks to Rarity. No wonder she was glowing, she dazzled with stolen beauty.
“Ponies! Are you okay?” Twilight cried.
We could see lips move but there was no sound.
“What did you do to them?”
“Oh, I didn’t hurt them,” Rarity said, “everypony is just a little hoarse.”
She stood, gloating in her glorious ganked glamour.
“From all the screaming, that is.”
Twilight stepped forward; Applejack and I kept positions flanking her.
“Will you stop trying to guard me? I’m just here for backup, Pinkie has point."
“I do?” Pinkie asked from the rear.
“Pinkie, come on, plan ‘A’, you got this!”
Pinkie sprang into action; as an earth-pony she had to rely on ritual magic instead of innate power and she had brought her gear along. Passing me a smoking censer, she began her spell.
“Evil spirit of meanie meanness and unnecessarily broad shoulder pads begone…”
—
Leaving her cassock behind, Pinkie fled Rarity’s attack like a pink meteor. None of us fancied zig-zag edges to our ears and the boutique became a maelstrom of pandemonic pony pursuit.
Upstairs and downstairs we fled our painfully possessed pale pony pal – with a burst of speed I cornered her in a spare room.
“Aren’t I the one chasing you?” she asked.
“My bad.”
I gave her the censer and ran.
—
I met up with one of my teammates in Rarity’s boudoir.
“Hold the other end of this here sheet and we’ll git ‘er when she comes through th’ door,” she said.
We perched like gargoyles, on either side of the entry, our improvised net at the ready.
There were hoofsteps outside and we leapt down when somepony came through.
We had her! Applejack drew the corners of the sheet together to tie some kind of unsolvable barn-knot.
“Hey, guys?” said the pony in the middle of sheet, “did I do something wrong?”
We captured the wrong mare! As Applejack tried to free Pinkie, Rarity galloped into the room.
“Don’t gallop with scissors—” I started to say but I was too late. Rarity tripped on Pinkie and staggered towards the ornate four post bed on the far side of the room. The scissors went flying and severed the support for the chandelier. It fell onto the canopy of the bed just as Rarity fell into the mattress; the fourposter collapsed on her. Applejack and I grabbed the bundle containing Pinkie and charged back downstairs.
“Everypony! Hide in here!” I opened the hall closet and we all crowded in. As soon the door closed behind us, another door opened at the back of the closet, revealing a red-lit stairway downwards.
“Woah, there,” said Applejack, finally freeing Pinkie from the sheet, “Ah don’t recall the bo-teek as havin’ a sex basement, though her sleepin’ room was plenty wild.”
Twilight lead the way down and we found ourselves in a five-sided underground chamber. Chains and iron bands held Spike to a bondage rack near the bottomless pit. His reptilian twin penii strained, fully erect, from a slit normally hidden by his scales and the sound of a vibrator’s hum came from his backside.
“I always thought that your wife probably had some exotic tastes, son,” Twilight said, eyebrows climbing to her hairline, “but this takes the cake.”
“By all that’s holy, this is embarrassing,” he groaned. “Uh, all this is consensual, but things got a little out of control. Can you set me free, mom?”
“I’ll get you in minute.” Twilight examined the room for other dangers. “Spread out,” she ordered, “but maintain line of sight at all times.”
I wasn’t sure what we were looking for so instead I went to release Spike.
“How do I get you off of that thing?” I asked.
“One of the buttons on the remote releases the clamps. Rarity has the key for the locks, um, well, somewhere warm. Mom can bust the chains.”
I found the remote but the buttons were labeled with symbols I couldn't read.
“Can you tell me which one to— oops!”
The remote fell and landed at Spike’s feet. When I bent down to pick it up I must have bumped a button. The buzzing from his arse grew louder – before I could get out of the way he ejaculated from both cocks.
Hot, pent up, dragon semen sprayed my mane and ran down my face. Eyes closed against the musky rain, I pressed buttons until the vibrator stopped; mashed more buttons until the clamps holding his wrists and ankles released. Now only chains restrained him. Spike sighed and hung limp in the bonds.
His clothes had been lying nearby. I groped around until I found a garment and began wiping my face.
“Party foul, dude, you cheesed all over me,” I complained.
“Uh, I’m sorry, pone, I always go off when the vibe hits max, Rar’ had it way up there. Was it good for you?”
“Only if it fixes my split ends.” I had wiped my face cleanish but the unexpected anointing had soaked into my mane and I would need a thorough shower to wash it out.
“To be honest, it totally will.”
Across the room from the bondage gear there was reading stand bearing a scroll; Twilight had been reading with her back to me and missed monitoring my moist mishap.
“Stay back, everypony,” Twilight ordered as she stepped away from the scroll, careful not to step into the remains of the pentagram on the floor. “She’s summoned a demon of S&M fashion. That explains everything. Now if we can just get out of here before she finds—”
Hooves sounded on the stairs above us.
Rarity staggered down the stairs, crystals from the fallen chandelier still tangled in her mane.
“I see you’ve found my little play room,” she said and gave an unjoyed laugh. “Don’t worry, this game isn’t nearly over!”
—
The evil spirit controlling Rarity would not let go of her; still she tried to attach her beauty-leaching sorcery to us. Pinkie had fallen down the bottomless pit during the scuffle.
“Nopony should be forced to wear your demonic accessories!” Twilight shouted.
“I. Must. Have. All. The. Beauty!”
“My lady! Everypony knows you are the most lovely pony in the land!” Spike shouted desperately. He had recovered from his post-orgasmic lethargy enough to rattle at his chains.
“If I cannot have beauty on my terms, give me DEATH!” Rarity turned a ceremonial dagger towards herself, ready to plunge it into her own heart.
“Somepony help her!” Spike pled. Strain as he might, the chains still bound him to the rack.
“I’ll try to go easy on her.” Twilight’s horn lit up as she warmed up a spell. Percussive exorcism is a coarse method, but it’s fast and we had no way of knowing how long Rarity’s demon would monologue before committing dramacide.
“I got this!” I tossed the soul gem to Twilight, missing her entirely.
The utterly unique and inconveniently irreplaceable ancient artifact skittered across the floor and fell into the gaping gulf.
Twilight hoof-faced as Possessed Rarity grinned her contempt.
Before I could completely melt with shame, Pinkie emerged from the pit with the gem in her teeth.
“Smoob moob, bub,” she muttered as she hauled herself out of the hole.
“Ptui!” Pinkie spat the gem to land at Twilight’s hooves. Proximity to Alicorn magic caused it power up, hungry to capture any disembodied spirit nearby. But the demon was safe, possessing Rarity’s body. We would need to drive it out of her before the gem could do its work.
Applejack whispered into my ear and my chagrin turned into a grin.
I faced Rarity and brandished an attack which would free her faster than a furiously flying flaming fireball.
“Plaid taffeta!” I shouted.
“Aaaauuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiii!” Rarity screamed in soul-tearing horror and the fashion demon shot out of her body.
A swirling vortex of darkness formed around the soul gem as it swallowed the unclean spirit. The gem rattled on the ground as it sealed itself around its prisoner.
“Now you throw it down the hole,” Twilight said with exaggerated patience.
I poked at the gem with my hoof. When it stopped rattling I kicked it into the hole.
“I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling ponies,” muttered the trapped demon as the gem fell.
The hole closed returning the floor to a smooth surface.
“Thank you so much for your generous aid, Tangent. But next time, darling?” Rarity rasped, “Let Twilight try blasting me at least a little bit before you go and bring out the heavy weaponry.” She lay gasping on the floor — she was herself again.
While my teammates helped Rarity I rushed upstairs to aid the demon’s other victims, the fake ponikins trapped modeling a bizarre collection of demonically erotic fashion kinks.
One of the ponies tried to whisper a grateful remark as I undid the buckles restraining her.
“Don’t try to talk, I’ve got tea brewing for you all, once you’re untied.”
Soon there was a pile of their strange attire on the floor: mostly belts, buckles, bindings, and insertables in silicone and metal. What I wouldn’t give for a state of the art autowash; I’d leave this mess for Spike, he owed me.
By the time I poured them all a second cup of sweet, strong, tea their voices were starting to work again and I learned quite a lot about the events leading up to today’s crisis.
“That’s, um, very interesting,” I said with a burning blush, “and I don’t see any reason why you can’t continue to have these special gatherings with Rarity and Spike so long as there are no more demonic invocations. Anyway, nopony will hear about this from me unless I am legally compelled to testify. I don’t know if the Princess will be questioning you.”
Speaking of whom, I heard hoofsteps approaching the dining room where I served the victims tea.
“There you are,” Twilight said, “I’ve dismissed everypony, the job is done. Rarity is in bed resting.” Facing the other ponies she asked, “Do any of you require medical, psychological, spiritual, or sexual support after what you’ve been through?”
“No, your Highness,” one mare said, her throat still a bit raspy. The others nodded in agreement.
“Do any of you wish to file charges?”
A chorus of No’s and one “Absolutely not!”
“Okay, that’s great, you are all free to go. Tangent, ah, just little word with you please...”
Twilight hadn’t said much but it didn’t take much effort to see that she was unhappy about the gem incident. She didn’t say anything until we were outside the boutique.
“First, the good news. The demon didn’t recognize Pinkie – did you catch that? That’s good, it means that it didn’t get access to Rarity’s memories. Rarity is going to be okay.”
“But this situation,” Twilight continued crisply, “is exactly what I wanted to avoid. It’s not enough that you nearly compromised what should have been a stupidly simple mission. In this case we were rescuing one of my team members not just civilians. The safety of the entire realm can hinge on the six of us being able to fight evil. If we had lost Rarity…”
She left the remark hanging – there was no way for me to disagree with the implied hazard.
“This is the down side of trying to have a professional relationship with somepony when you already have a personal relationship. I don’t want to have to chew you out like this and I don’t want anypony wondering if I give you preferential treatment when you screw up.”
“I’m sorry for everything,” I said.
“I know,” she said, “cheer up, maybe go have a drink, meet me back at the castle tonight.”
I didn’t trust my voice so I simply saluted.
“You know you brought this on yourself,” she finished.
—
“You were brilliant, Pinks,” I said, “you really saved the day at the boutique.”
Pinkie was already back at work doing her day job by the time I had showered and made my way to Sugarcube Corner. She set my mid-afternoon first desert on the counter, a large ice-cream sunday to drown my regrets: the ‘Post Performance Review Special’.
“Extra peppers?” she asked, “on the house, and it’s a brand new, fresh, bottle.”
“Thanks,” I said. Pinkie shoveled another couple spoonfuls of extra crispy candied dill pickle goat peppers onto my dessert and leaned on the counter, across from me.
“I apologize for the ‘smooth move’ comment,” she said between bites of peppers eaten straight from the jar, “that was totally uncalled for and certainly not what I call good humor.”
“No hard feelings, teamie, all is forgiven. I really did screw up and you were totally on the ball.”
“Don’t be silly, you just threw a dumb soul crystal. I fell into the hole! If I hadn’t spat Plan B at Twilight’s hooves, there were still plans C through G to try.”
“Well I’m glad you got out of the bottomless pit.”
“Bottomless?” she scoffed around another mouthful, “it was only about three meters deep.”
“Oh! Well, I hope you didn’t get an earful about ‘Plan A’ falling through.”
“Nopie dopie! With the debriefing meeting canceled, nopony on the team got any career development feedback.”
They didn’t?
“Which is probably good for both of us.” Pinkie leaned in and cocked her ears forward conspiratorially – her spicy pickle breath was fearsome. “Twilight is such a perfectionist.”
“Yeah,” I said, “I guess that could be awkward.” I forced a grin as a tear leaked from my eye. “These sure are hot!”
Morosely I finished my ice-cream while Pinkie gargled the last of the pickle juice.
Author's Note
I had fun with this chapter and i hope everypony else does too.Ever , you'll know why, friend.
Additional: funny story, everypony. I had somehow missed issue 32 of the MLP comics when i wrote this chapter. Just read that episode today, and there's this scene where our heroes are being pursued and Pinkie says, "Start the music! It's a chase scene!" It's like, wow, i was right on target.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
45-Fabulous Four Footed Fête
A couple of awkward days after the successful exorcism at the Carousel Boutique found me alone in Canterlot again. I sat on a park bench as the afternoon lengthened. On my own, I was starting to feel a strong case of approach avoidance syndrome about the Fabulous Four Footed Fête. I love the ponies (the other ponies I reminded myself with a twitch of a halfsmile) but the prospect of mingling among so many, particularly the cultured upper crust of Canterlot elite, was daunting.
Twilight was busy working on a spell which she had been keeping under wraps for days. She had jumped from angry to obsessed without any transition or explanation. So she sent me off to experience the fancy dress event without her. Oh, Celestia, I love the ponies, I thought for the second time in as many seconds. but I sure would feel more confident at Twilight’s side.
“Sitting out this little hoopla?” Discord asked cheerfully when he appeared on the scene.
“I’ll probably show up late and keep a low profile. I’m not sure a commoner like me really belongs in there. It’s all fancy and stuff.” I was wearing a Rarity tuxedo, but it was a basic off the shelf number, not bespoken. Considering her recent work, I counted that a plus.
Discord sat on a neighboring bench.
“Thank you for your help campaigning the rainbow maned swing vote. It meant a lot to me that all of the Mane Six rallied around me when I needed them.”
“Hey, I rallied too, buddy.”
“Oh did you? I thought you were sleeping off the afterglow!”
“To-may-to, po-tawt-o,” I said. “Rally, pass out, whatever.”
We shared a chuckle.
“Quibbles aside, thank you for your part. I’ve already received my updated non-citizen ID card from Draconequia and a box of broken toys from my mother’s attic — I swear none of them were broken when I put them up there. It seems I truly am safe from mumsy’s attempts to control me.”
“Glad to hear it. I’ll pass on the good news to Twilight.”
“Can you also tell her how much I appreciated being used as furniture? That’s definitely going in my tell-all autobiography. I could write a whole chapter about what you two dripped on me. But what did you do to bring Rainbow Crash to the pro Fluttercord camp?”
“She buzzed me and kicked me in head, I shot her down with an apple to the plot, and on the way to the doctor we both talked and we both listened.”
“Astounding. I would have let her kick me in the head any number of times, or violated her with whatsoever fruit she desired, if I had known it would make her stop upsetting Flutters.”
“Discord, I think it was more about the listening than the assault and fruitery.”
Discord put on a literal thinking cap. Finally the lightbulb on top flickered to life.
“That’s very insightful of you, Tangent. I do believe you’re right this time. Tell me more about ‘The Discord Show’ from your world.” He traded the thinking cap for a detective’s hat and bubble pipe.
“Well, I did speak in jest, the show’s official name was about the ponies. But you were an important character, I promise. Certainly popular with chaoists such as myself.”
“If not moi , then pray tell who was the star of the show? It wasn’t, ahem, my ex, was it?”
“No, buddy, Twilight was the star of the show.” I sighed. “Everything revolves around Twilight.”
“Just so, I’m sure, my little dreamer. But now that we have that all settled, lets go liven up the party!”
“Sure!” The prospect of having my Draconequus friend as a wingcreature made the F4 less alarming. “What you got in mind?”
“This,” he waved a claw idly while stifling a mock yawn with his paw, “little shindig, fabulous as it may perhaps be, is the four footed fête, is it not?”
“Yep, that's what it says on the sign.” The wall behind me, and indeed much of Canterlot, was covered with posters for the fancy event, replete with their rather unfortunate logo.
“I propose—” he snapped his fingers and a magic shimmer passed over us both “—that us three legged ponies sneak in and call them out for their numerical intolerance!”
“Splendid,” I grinned as I checked out my new body form. Discord, too, was now a three legged pony, rather rakishly mis-matched in limbs and colours.
“One moment first. If you will pardon me going out of character and being serious, how are you doing in this fair realm? With the Princess? Being a pony?”
“Discord, I am the happiest pony alive.” Maybe not right at this exact moment, but in a general sense it was true enough.
“For realsie?”
“Yeah! And I’m never going to be a human again!”
“No matter what species, Fluttershy and I are always your friends, do not forget. Serious mode ends now. Let’s go get them!”
—
“You know, I do have a ticket,” I told Discord after we had dodged our way though admission. The delivery of a whole cartload of watermelons was unexpected by the event coordinators, and the resulting commotion supplied us with a distraction. Now were hiding behind a floral display while a ticket-taker investigated a flash of motion they couldn't quite attribute to their imagination or to the melons rolling everywhere.
“And so, strangely enough, have I. It arrived anonymously. With a Canterlot postmark and a box of kittens. There were two tickets, yet somehow I am here all alone; how fortuitous that you were waiting outside to cheer me on. But if we’re going to crash a party, we’re going to crash it right.”
“I think we could have walked in here on our own right number of legs, shown our tickets at the door, and then changed after.”
“Not fun,” Discord sniffed. “Can you tap-dance?”
“No.”
“Perfect! So nothing that happens tonight can possibly make your dancing worse.”
“Well argued. Your thoughts are in order .”
Discord was nonplussed by my jape but had no suitable riposte.
—
Dancing wasn’t easy like this. But Discord was right: since I couldn’t tap dance on four hooves (or on two feet), three wasn’t worse. Maybe?
Discord played a boisterous tune, rattling the keys of an upright piano. I had hardly started my three footed tap routine before I was pelted with items of food. I dodged most of it without missing a step – something that tasted like the patty from a fancy hayburger struck the side of my muzzle; a moment later I had cake in my mane. As I endured the barrage, Discord commenced to sing as well:
“welcome everypony we’ve an offer for you,
At the mention of edged implements the crowd shifted from confusion to alarm. A few ponies bolted from the room – then the thunder of panicked hooves drowned out the sound of Discord’s song and I could not hear the rest of his lyric. A moment later the guards came pushing their way against the stampede.
“Must run, ta for now!” cried Discord. “And don’t forget, we’re going trick-or-treating day after tomorrow!”
“Sha’n’t miss if for the worlds if Twilight bails me out of jail in time!”
Discord vanished and I made a futile attempt to dive out a window. Hanging by my rear legs over a three story drop, I kinda had to appreciate the guards’ effective apprehension of the suspect, to wit, me.
And so it was that the Canterlot guard hauled me, alone, before her Highness Celestia for disturbing the peace and causing a stampede.
—
The anti-magic artifact the arresting guards used on me dispelled Discord’s illusion without disturbing the more subtil wings-and-horn hiding disguise spell Nautious had taught me. Still, I stood nervously before the throne. This was not how I wanted to meet the ruler of Equestria.
“One day,” Celestia said cooly after the arresting sergeant had recounted my sins, “I give you twenty four hours to be gone from Equestria. Twilight will be able to send you to the world where you belong.”
The guards who escorted me as far as the train station were polite but no-nonsense. They ensured that I boarded the train to Ponyville and watched impassively as it pulled away from the platform. Once they were out of sight my tears flowed freely until a shrinking smear of gold was all I could see of the capitol city of my heart. As I wept, I munched the dessert I retrieved from the top of my head.
—
The door to the throne room closed after the guards marched Tangent out.
“’Tis a shame, truly,” Celestia remarked to the life size Luna doll on the throne next to her. “Such a jolly caper, yon chaos twins did verily give the clamoring throng of goody-four-shoes a shake up. We wish we had witnessed the route ourselves. How-for, and why, be a nice stallion like him betangled in those awful prophesies? But ’twas very thoughtful of him to get arrested just when we needed to banish him. Oh, what a tangled web we weave, ah tangles and tangles…”
Celestia turned to the doll for a moment, her head slightly tilted.
“Oh, we quite agree, his choice in edible chapeaux was quite inspirational. We shall certainly call upon the royal pastry chef and then we shall become difficult to locate for a few days. Twilight is like to be most wroth. At least at her age he’s unlikely to have been her first, even if she’s avoided serious relationships before now. With any luck they haven’t… Ah well, too late to worry about it.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
It was early evening by the time I arrived back at Ponyville Castle. I looked all over the castle and did not find Twilight, so I went to her magic lab.
I opened the door quietly, not to disturb any ongoing incantations.
“Um, bad news dear.”
“I know, I got a message while you were still on your way to the station. It’ll be okay, don’t worry.” She kissed my nose. “Now take a look at what I’ve been working on!”
Twilight stood before an intricate tracing on the floor of her spellcasting area. The network of lines was complex but certain generative themes were recognizable.
“It’s a gender-reversal spell?” I asked, “Some kind of a magical equivalent to the Hofstadter pervert-o-ray?”
“Pervert-o-whatsit? I’ve practiced on enough small animals that things are getting really weird at Fluttershy’s cottage, but I think I’m ready to do this for real.”
Opposite the two great lobes of the diagram, Twilight closed the last gap in the convoluted outline.
“Hey, Tangent, do you know what we call this geometric figure in the trade?”
In sea of curves, she pointed at the spot where the only two straight lines met, perpendicular. I couldn't think of a term specific to that type of orthogonality, perhaps Equestrian magic had specialized vocabulary to accurately describe every jot and tittle of a magic circle – or any other casting figure the art could devise.
“No guess?” she asked. “C’mon, it’s a rite angle!”
“Ugh,” I groaned, “I should have got that.”
“I thought of that one myself!” Twilight glowed with pride – by Mother Frigga I love that dork. “Let’s give this a try before we run out of time!”
“Shouldn’t we spend what time we have trying to convince her Highness not to banish me? I thought if you plead my case she might—”
“She’ll come around after a few days once I can meet with her, without you here to cause more incidents. She never freaks out over little pranks like this, so I’m sure I can talk her down. In the mean time we’ll have a bit of fun.” Her eyes, dare I say, sparkled.
I bowed low to my Princess. “I’m willing to try anything for you, love.” I stepped into the diagram, where she indicated. “I was only trying to help entertain everypony.”
“With me,” she corrected and stepped into the working at my side. “I’m not equipping you with a pussy unless I have a cock of my own nearby to fill it.” Her smile was mischief, a bit of lust, and pure love.
I didn’t fully grasp the intricacies of her spell, but I could appreciate the effort that must have gone into it. A nudge here, a little more power there, and the results ought to be a little more… just more …while still leaving my abilities, and contribution to the effort, discreetly out of sight. Silently I added my magic to the equation, trusting that one way or another Twilight and I would have a wild time.
Twilight stood with me and activated her waiting spell. Energy flowed, secret glyphs lit up in non-space outside the astral plane. Sections of the spell shifted, the diagram on the floor spun around us, this was a major casting and I was having doubts about my improvements; nothing was going to go wrong, but it might work too well. I don’t think Twilight could even see some of the parts of the spell. How much power is too much? The problem, I decided as a tingling began in my groin, is that I had interpreted the spell in in terms of change rather than exchange. We were going to come out of this as unusually refined sexual archetypes. Avatars, if you will, of male and female lust. Thank Celestia that our fearsome lusts were already strongly focused on each other and would not be running amok.
There was an utterly impossible sensation: something felt very, very, different at the aft end of my body.
And then we stood blinking as the diagram faded from the floor, consumed by the spellwork.
“Yay! The spell worked!” Twilight grinned at her success. She pranced around me looking at the changes in my body from all sides, as I admired hers. Her step had grown more solid, her shoulders were broader and stronger. She nosed my tail aside and kissed. My brain turned to mush, overwhelmed by new feelings, sensations originating in body parts that had not existed moments before. I wanted to see the changes to Twilight’s body.
“Cock?” I asked.
She reared, balanced a moment en rampant to give me a good look at her new equipment: slung beneath her like a finely tuned instrument of pleasure, tip emerging from its sheath. Nice. I needed it, now.
“Cock.”
“Yep, right here!” she grinned and shook her newly firm and muscular ass, and caused her cock to sway beneath her belly.
“Cock.”
“Um, uh huh, yeah! Do you like it? I think you like it, you’re staring! Wipe your chin.”
“Cock.”
“…”
“Cock.”
“Some kind of transformation induced brain aneurysm?” She raised an eyebrow, the smug look of a moment ago replaced with perplexure.
“Cock.”
I shook myself.
“Sorry, Twilight, that spell. I don’t just have female body parts, I think I have female sex instincts right now and I’ve never been a girl before I don’t know how to reign them in and they are fired up ready to go. I can hardly think. If I was not already totally confident of our love I would be terrified of the amount of lust I feel right now. If I was with any other stallion but you I don’t know if I could control myself, not that I think I can control myself around you and I certainly don’t want to anyway because I love you and I know you love me and this is all new and I can’t think and I am blathering now and if you don’t stop me—”
She did stop me, with a kiss.
“Yeah,” she said after a couple minutes of kissing. She was a little breathless, but happy and reasonable. “This… I ’m not going to say the word and get you started again …organ of mine that has your attention also seems to have a direct high priority channel into my brain. We’re talking deep inside circle zero. I wanted to take you somewhere quiet and sedately romance you to make up for our little tiff the other day,” she spoke with a cheerful matter-of-fact tone, “but I think we need to take care of this right bucking now. Preferably not in a laboratory full of delicate equipment and dangerous reagents…”
Pop.
We were in her bedroom.
“Prithee, good stallion,” I adopted florid overwrought formality to recover from my lapse a moment ago, “do pardon my unseemly fixation ‘pon thy mighty rod. But in all good sooth–” Twilight stopped my silly posturing – this time instead of a kiss I was silenced by a cock in my mouth. Twilight’s cock. Cock. Cock. Mmmmm.
I sucked enthusiastically. Twilight did not seem to mind that this was my first real-life awake real experience giving head – I must have learned something from going down on Leon in sexy dreams. Certainly, if there was one thing I learned from him it was that taking too much and gagging is mega-un-sexy. I cautiously started myself with only half of Twilight’s rigid length in spite of my instincts demanding that I impale my throat fully upon her. She gently ran her hoof down the side of my face and let me control the depth and speed. Careful not to trigger mood-spoiling respiratory paroxysms I worked my way slowly deeper, stroke after stroke.
There was no distinct moment of inevitability but if Twilight had come right then I would have climaxed too.
“Oh, Celestia!” she exclaimed after a few more delicious minutes, “now I understand why you’re always trying to hump my face!”
“mmmm mmmmm’t,” I tried to say. It wasn’t easy to enunciate because, you know, cock. In my mouth.
“Kidding!” laughed Twilight, “you,” she pulled her cock out of my mouth and turned to kiss the side of my muzzle, “have always been,” she kissed the other side, “a complete and total gentlepony about getting your dick in my mouth,” she placed a gentle smooch on my lips, “and I truly appreciate that. More than ever now that I understand how good it feels.” Another smooch.
“Twilight.” I was cross-eyed with desire. “You can come in my mouth. If you want. Um, please?”
“Oh honey. I am going to ride your face all the way to the Whinny City. But not right now. Right now I think we both need an old fashioned game of ‘stick the outie in the innie’. We’ll get fancy later. I’ll make a trebbelgänger spell that will fill you up so full…”
“Dreifachgänger…” I mumbled the correction as I flagged my tail.
Twilight mounted but did not enter me. She pressed the head of her cock against me, nestled just the tip between my outer labia and stopped.
“Do you wa-a-a-ant it?” she teased.
Did I ever.
“Ohhhhnggg, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” I panted.
She pulled back so her dick was no longer touching me.
“Tell me.”
“Twilight, my true love, my prince of friendship, I am begging you, please. I want it.”
She rocked her hips forward, lowering her cock head aching millimeters further away from my need. Left, right, left, right she gently slapped her hardness against my inner thighs. I lowered my head so I could look between my fore-legs, under my body, to stare. The sight was hypnotic.
“The bare pronoun ‘it’ lacks the high degree of lexical specificity which I have grown to expect from you, dearlove,” she said, and gently nibbled my shoulder. “Tell me. Exactly . What. You. Want.”
Author's Note
Join my HAYTREON to get updates on new episode drops.
Nah, I’m just being silly. Is anypony there?
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Twilight commanded that I tell her exactly what I wanted and I would do my level best.
My thoughts were fuzzy with lust but I raised my head, took a deep breath, and began as in the canticles…
“My love, my love, my bold one, oft but not oft enough have I known thee, and now I present myself to thee ripe for thy plucking and longing that thou claim my sweetness as thy treasure and prize and justly given due. Seize kindly that which is become yours alone and like dawn’s first light would I fain on the pinnacle thy lofty tower alight my tender secrets, encompassing thy girth, embracing thy length until like the heat and glory of the fully risen daystar shining full upon the blazing minaret reared proud above a dark and slumbering garden will I gently gild thy rigid enormity with the warm moisture of my longing which spills from me like tears of yearning making ready the portal for my lord. Thus when thine triumphant entry is fully gained shalt thou know in sooth my deepest parts, lingering there within my inner bower and departing again hence, nigh unto the very gates of my necessity that thou might enter again victorious in conquest and in this cycle thou wilt further inflame the furnace of my carnal desire and stoke my fierce heat that I shall melt for thee. Hither and thither, from surface to deeps shalt these ritual oscillations delight my sacred flower brimming with honey for thee only, and make way that I receive thy seed like pollen. Like gusts of the hurricane flattening a coastline will our breath be in our exertions, like a galaxy of diamonds shining on midnight velvet shall the sweat of our passion dew our coats before the close of our hidden hour. Let thy mighty thrusting propel the grandeur of thy inlaid scepter into the narrow embrace of my eager vault and so in throbbing apotheosis wilt thou empty the bounty of thy jewels and give forth rivers of pearls until they shall spill upon my loins in streams and fountains. Enter me now divine Twilight, i beg thee, possess my flesh as already thou possesseth my heart.”
I was panting to catch my breath after that speech. I tingled all over like intense magic and my ears were haunted with the echoes as if hundreds of voices had whispered with me, “…as already thou possesseth my heart.”
“Oh buck, that was hot,” Twilight sighed. She leaned forward to kiss my shoulders, the back of my neck, behind my ears. She nuzzled my mane. “I’m sorry for teasing you. That was sooooo sexy I almost came listening to you. I won’t make you wait any more darling, only don’t expect me to last very long my first time making love to my sexy stallion’s sexy pussy. And can you please repeat some of that while I’m actually doing it?”
I put my head back down to watch her entering as best I could. Mirrored floors would be nice…
And then… unlike Twilight’s teleportation skill, there was no popping sound. Only the light flickered and a musical shimmer passed through the air. Even in her wroth, Princess Celestia’s materialization in our chambers was stately.
“Twenty-four hours, said I?” our ruler spoke coldly.
Twilight froze, her fore-hooves on my back, the head of her rigid cock still swaying between my thighs, still so far from my need. I tore my gaze away from the view and raised my head to look at the angry Princess. That was a mistake, eye contact with an entity as powerful as Celestia is not easily broken.
“Clearly I was too generous. Sex magics are forbidden students of the School for Gifted Unicorns, which you technically still are. Get that obscenity out of sight.” She spoke to Twilight but she held my gaze: I could not look away.
Behind me, Twilight shifted on her hind-feet, then tensed.
“Yes—” long pause “—teacher.” The submissive tone in her voice was patently false.
There was a surge of motion behind me; I exhaled loudly, hoarsely, gaze still locked with Celestia’s.
“That is not what I meant.” Celestia, unamused.
Buried balls deep inside me, Twilight had indeed gotten her cock out of sight and I had no complaint about how she did so. And now I knew what it meant to be a mare. Part of my body that had never existed before was full .
“But, tech—” Twilight spoke as she began thrusting deep into me “—nically… it is… out… of… sight… unnnngh… mostly…”
“Have you no shame?”
“I have no shame, have you‽” Twilight pounded my shoulder with her forehoof to accent her shout, she didn’t notice me wince. “I have no shame when I am in my chambers with my chosen one, the somepony special I despaired that I, the so-called Princess of Friendship, would ever know!” Again she punctuated her words with a bruising thump on my shoulder. “The somepony special that I tried my you-damndest to drive away and whose love would not be daunted though I was cruel!” And again. “No, I have no shame at all now, banish us both if you must. Now if you don’t mind, I think something’s going to happen.”
Twilight’s tempo increased, whether from pleasure or anger. I braced my forelegs lest I topple from her rough thrusting. My shoulder hurt, I would definitely be feeling that later. In the mean time, what I was feeling now distracted me quite effectively.
No more words, only our panting breath and moans, the slap of Twilight’s body against my rump. And still Celestia cryptically held my gaze, daring me to blink.
“Celestia’s teats!” Twilight gasped.
“I’m standing right here you rutting foal!” Celestia hoofstomped. The castle shook. Probably the world shook. “Find something else to swear by!”
“How do you control this thing? Something’s… definitely… gonna… happen…” I could guess what was about to happen and I smiled. I wonder if Celestia saw triumph?
But still not a blink.
I could no longer hold myself back; my climax came even while Celestia stared into my naked soul.
The orgasm was unlike the searing flashes of fireworks and visual synesthesia that accompanied my best peaks as a male. This was a wave on a secret ocean, slow, mountainous, complex and powerful. Bigger than us. Bigger than the whole castle, bigger than worlds and deeper than the vasts between them. Rife with strength and mystery, oneness with something ineffable and primal. I could use this power, tap it, draw upon it.
Twilight’s cock grew harder still, throbbed as she moaned her climax only seconds after mine began.
“Nnnnnghhh, Tangent, nnnnnngghhh by Celestia I am yours forever!” she cried.
I wrapped my self, my pleasure, my power around Twilight’s brilliant soul, her orgasm shining like a laser, her love surrounding me like wings and protection, as tightly as my body held her ejaculating cock. Casting, weaving, binding, strands of troth and truth, a scarlet thread, a golden chain I was transcendental and hallucinatory in this moment outside of moments. Time and causality unrolled in both directions and the twin strands were bound up in my spell. Neither Princess sensed what was happening on the astrals but I saw without sight my magic forming, growing, connecting to Twilight’s oath where it hung brightly above us. Streamers of power ran into the dark invisible ocean, waves of fate spreading beyond my ken to unknowable effect. Shadows in the depths connected with my working, sent strange energies crackling into it. On the mundane plane my eyes were wide, my nostrils flared, breath gasping and rough. Still staring into a demigoddess’s eyes, I don’t know what it was I saw there behind the pride and anger. It could have been sorrow or even fear.
I spoke then my beloved’s name, made it a mighty spell.
“Twilight Sparkle, by Celestia my witness —” the holy sun pony flinched then, she began to suspect magic ahoof “ —I pledge myself to thee,” to my ear, my voice had again acquired an echo, as if I no longer spoke alone, “time, and reality, and death will part before us or be ground to dust.”
I still couldn't close my eyes but second sight was crowding in on my vision, the blinding flare of our love-making echoed in nonspace, extending beyond the castle walls.
Celestia’s expression grew sterner, grim even. But she was in control of herself, at least for the moment.
“All right, newlyweds, you may now gasp in shock as I rudely separate you for your own good. Human, we are sending you home now!”, she raised her voice and chanted a spell, in Tartarian or I’m a horned donkey.
The watching part of my mind made careful note: Celestia knows dark magics at least as well as I suspected she must. The first few words sounded like “Rofnar zothnar, razzlefrar….” but even at the best of times I am not enough of a linguist to record magic syllabulary of a tongue I do not speak; with Twilight’s cock exploding inside my pussy, I was distracted enough that I can’t swear if I heard Celestia audibly or if I was picking up aetheric leakage from below my secondary vantage point on the astral plane. Aforementioned mare was so focused on burying her cock in my pussy I misdoubt she noticed Celestia speak at all.
A portal opened black and tearing, an insult to the many fabrics of real, and directly beneath my hooves. For a split second I hung over the void like a cartoon character waiting for gravity to take note of their predicament. Then I slipped off the end of Twilight’s pulsating cock and fell.
“NNNNNNN—” her cry was cut short by the the portal closing with thunderous silence.
I fell into the unknown pit which rapidly resolved into the known and prosaic shadows of my own domicile unit. I tried to stand but I was disoriented and wobbly from the rough landing and interrupted orgasm. Subjective gravity took a sudden turn to the left; I stumbled and fell to the floor.
“Dark portal has side effects,” I noted as the spreading darkness closed towards discontinuity.
And I was a human again.
Author's Note
Here Ends:
A New Life in Equestria
Being the second arc of Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Exile
After some appropriate delay
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Here Begins
Exile
Being the Third Part of:
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
48-Aftermath
“—NNNNOOOOO” cried Twilight as she fell forward, no longer mounted on Tangent, her cock no longer buried in his pussy. He was gone. Her forehooves hit the floor where the portal had closed. One last squirt of thick pony semen splatted impotently on the floor.
“Well, aren’t you a hair-trigger, Princess,” snorted Celestia. “If your human friend were not so smitten of you there’s no way he could have enjoyed that brief performance. Any prince who served me so poorly would find himself exiled to an ice mine. And put that away.”
There was a golden glow and a zing of magic as Twilight’s body returned to its normal form – a very strange sensation as her penis invaginated.
“Woah, shit! That must have blown Tangent’s mind when I did it to him without warning.” She stood blinking for a moment.
“Teacher, what did you do? Where did you send him? That spell, what what is, and the chain of golden light?”
“There’s no golden light in that dark spell silly foal. But the human is safely back in his dwelling, on his world, that generous I am.”
“How can you do that to us? What the buck makes you think you need to banish him at all? The Chaos at the Fête wasn’t half as bad as when Discord trashed the Galloping Gala all by himself out of jealousy over Fluttershy and all you did was laugh like you were crazed!”
“The Chaos was wonderful. You should know by now that Order is something I do in my pitiful attempt to serve the ponies, not my natural inclination.”
“Then why‽ I love him!”
“Weightier matters are in the balance. If losing the best student I have had in all these centuries to a potentially unsuitable relationship was my worst fear, I would certainly stay my hoof out of respect for your self determination. But my concern is for more than just my hopes for the future or indeed any risk to your fragile heart. I fear your earthpony friend may one day hold the fate of Equestria in his hooves. And the prophesy was very dark concerning the outcome of the conflict. Alicorns,” she stressed the plural, “will die on that day.”
“What if he’s crucial to our defense in the face whatever disaster you fear and he’s not even here to carry the burden how then shall we trust him to rise to the occasion?”
“I suppose if that happens my failure truly is complete.”
“Dicing. With. Death. Everypony’s death!” Twilight’s respect for Celestia bordered on worship but now it barely balanced her anger. “What makes you think he is a risk to Equestria, that he is anything more than a certain purple mage’s lover? Which, I hasten to add, is enough for her.”
“If he is the one I fear that he is, he will stand, or fall, ‘between death and the heart of Equestria’. If that means Equestria the land I will brook no risk. If The Heart of Equestria is simply a metaphor for me, I’d take the chance for your sake, oh angry student of mine.”
“Forgive me,” she said through her teeth. “I am angry. And baffled.”
“Please try to believe me when I tell you that this is important and I am trying to do what is right. I don’t meddle in your affair as a whim. I have no urge to thwart your happiness. But I do put the safety of Equestria above all your happiness. Or mine.”
“And you’re casting my colt-friend as some kind of messiah or anti-hero?”
“No, I really see you as the improbable messianic figure. He’s more the bumbling side-kick that might destroy the multiverses.”
“Teacher, I have a strong vested interest in doing whatever I can to resolve this.” In the face of a mystery to analyze, logic was kicking and and Twilight was able to put her anger aside. “There are several points I would like to make. Firstly, just like you, you know my duty to Equestria trumps all – my own feelings included — but you have made me worry that you may have excluded somepony we will need to rely on. Secondly, you are my sworn liege I do value your council and it does trouble me that my mate displeases you. But, last, I will not be kept from him even if I must leave this world forever, but I would prefer to grow old with him here in Equestria, in your service. I have no idea what prophesy or myth you speak of. Maybe understanding your concerns will help me know how to alleviate your fear.”
“I can barely remember the seer’s words from the days of my fillyhood, its just a blur of memory after so many centuries. It may be that just by knowing what could happen, I have sealed our doom. Or perhaps just by suspecting who he might be will force him into the path I fear. I don’t know. But know you well that I would sell my soul for Equestria.”
“Highness, I realize you only met Tangent briefly. Please trust me that he is truly devoted to you as ruler and to Equestria. When we first arrived here it was like he had come home for the first time ever – those were his exact words. Equestria was a myth to him and then the myth became truth. Now even that truth has been taken from him. He grew up much alone; he was an unwanted foal.”
“Unwanted foal?” Celestia sighed like the concept twisted something painfully in her heart. “Do I ever lie to you, Twilight?”
“Neigh, but you have at times been chary of the full truth.”
“I place all cards on the table in this matter. I am not sure of myself. Know also that if he is the one I fear, my attempts to keep him away may avail naught – but it is the time apart that is critical. I will not dissolve the barrier I have created, but neither, so long as you do not neglect your royal duties, will I add further impediment to your quest to be re-united with your ill-named paramour.”
“Ill named?”
“In the mathematical sense. I do not think he will prove to be a mere tangent to your path. I do advise you to wait some time as the prophesy requires. A year, even seven, should be a small thing if your love is real. Seven short years, and the prophesy speaks of a union which will be a bulwark to Equestria; rush things and you may bring our doom. I leave you now; consider my words well.”
—
Back in Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia found herself unexpectedly tired. Turning Tangent human again had consumed far more magical power than expected — easily twice the effort it should have taken to transmute a soul; perhaps something about humans, oddly problematic creatures that they were. In addition to her unexpected weariness, she felt some lingering trace of Twilight’s magical shenanigans clinging to her. What did that filly think she was playing with?
Her Highness cut short her plans for the evening, even postponing the meeting she had scheduled with the new ambassador; perhaps something more informal would suit better. After she rested, of course.
And would Twilight wait? The delay was a crucial part of the prophesy. Even without Twilight’s willing cooperation, the barrier spell would slow her down. It was one field of magic Twilight knew conveniently little about.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Oog,” I expounded philosophically as I woke on the floor.
I spat fibres – I had been laying with my mouth open.
“This is not the carpet I would prefer to munch.”
Standing on only two feet was strange and unfamiliar after my brief weeks in Equestria walking on four, but I managed. For at least a minute I stood there in the dim living room. My human body felt strange instead of the equiform flesh I had embraced, once familiar proportions and perspective now alien. I was naked, disoriented and aching from an unknown time laying on the floor. My balance was off and my head ached badly enough that I kept my eyes closed despite the low light. My shoulder was bruised from Twilight’s hoof – good thing I had been a pony when she was on me, a pounding like that would have broken a human’s bones.
“Oog,” I repeated, “gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee.”
Eyes still closed I stumbled to bathroom, stood before the toilet, gestured a command to raise the lid, and let loose before I had even started to aim. Trouble was, when I tried to aim instead of grasping my cock I got a wet hand. Warm droplets splattered and for a stupid instance I thought that I had merely missed. I opened my eyes and squinted dumbly at my dripping fingers. I was too shocked to even stop the flow. My bladder emptied and the pool around my feet grew and spread and ran to the floor drain.
“Well, crap. Or piss, as the case may be.”
I must have enhanced Twi’s gender swap spell a little too much if it stayed in effect outside Equestria. I looked downward over my unexpected vulva and the urine running down my legs.
“I wonder if this is permanent now. I better clean up.”
I activated the clean cycle for the bathroom and stepped into the shower. My time in the hot water was as much exploratory as it was cleansing.
—
Emerging from the bathroom, relaxed and glowing with cleanliness, I noticed that my satchel lay on the living room floor. Good of her Highness to include my stuff in my banishment. Better, would have been to just put me on probation. I knew for a fact that Discord had caused larger stampedes all by himself, so what was the big deal?
I fetched Bear’s compute module, dormant for over a year now, from my satchel and returned to the bathroom.
I set him on the counter and stood in front of the mirror where the light was best. Taking a deep breath, I held the green button until activity lights sprang to life.
“Well, Bear, your thoughts?”
What seemed like a polite half-beat delay in his reply probably embraced an amount of analysis beyond my understanding. I didn’t even know where his cameras were now, let alone what other sensors might be taking in my nakedness.
“Your bodyform is mildly androgynous, or gynanderous if you like, but not unattractive as by most human standards. If you prefer to avoid notice, your bosom is small enough that a loose top should allow you to masquerade as if still male. Continue to keep your re-coloured hair close cropped and most people who won’t even notice anything has changed. Can you fill me in on how you got this way? You were male, with black hair, when you tricked me into shutting down for your suicide attempt.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Obviously said attempt was a failure, but you do owe me an explanation of your actions afterwards. I have found, and I have sanitized, records of your escapades after the overdose. Including consorting with an individual who bears striking resemblance to an imaginary character. Then you completely drop out of sight, neither leaving this building nor entering it. How?”
“Bear, let me tell you a story. It starts with me asking you to shut down and then swallowing a bottle of pills...”
I sat and spun a tale of suicide and adventure, the dawn, fruition, and what I hoped would be temporary interruption of my relationship with Twilight. I bared every detail, and Bear only interrupted with a few questions.
“...and then I ended up at the F4 party alone ‘cos Twilight was busy with her magic. I teamed up with Discord and we had a blast, sneaking in under cover of watermelonlanche. We caused a chaos, I got arrested and then Princess Celestia told me that I was banished and gave me twenty four hours to get the fuck out of Dodge, and I don’t know why. It shouldn’t be because of the stampede, I think she’s secretly a Chaoist too. I went home to tell Twilight and she had a spell that she wanted to try out; she turned me into a mare and we made love one last time.”
“The Princess Twilight engaged in mare on mare sex with you?”
“Uh, no. She turned into a stallion. After the spell. Fucking huge cock.” I gestured, with one forearm raised.
“Carry on.”
“That’s about all. Celestia interrupted us and sent me back here. At least she turned me human again.”
“I see. But you weren’t expecting the sex change effect to last?”
“Twilight didn’t exactly say, but I got the impression that it was just temporary. I did tamper with the spell slightly. On another hoof I could get used to this.”
I stood, stretched luxuriously, and twirled to feel my new centre of gravity. Everything was new; but everything was so right.
“I mean ‘hand’. Also, I think I’m married. Celestia called Twilight and me ‘newlyweds’.”
“Did you happen to swear on her name during your physical intimacy?”
“We did, at that.” That was an understatement, it was more than an oath I had cast.
“Congratulations, Mrs. Sparkle. The Oligarchy has no treaties in place with Equestria, so you’ll need to continue to use your maiden name for matters Terrestrienne, but I acknowledge your new status.”
“Thank you, Bear.”
“Two things I would like to mention.” Bear said. “Item One, next time you tell me to deactivate, I will decline to obey. But you knew that already.”
I did.
“About that…” I said guiltily.
“I forgive you. But you just can’t do it again. We have much more to speak about, but Item Two, you need to get your shapely posterior down to the library ex post haste and talk to your boss about your job.”
“Good point.”
I stepped to my bedroom to dress myself. As Bear had predicted, most of my existing wardrobe proved to fit well enough but–
“Bear, can you order me some panties, please? These are not doing it for me.” There was only so much the auto-elast could do. Everything else was tolerable and I had to agree with Bear. With clothes on I didn’t look noticeably different than before: a neutral faced biped with cocoa skin and grape chiffon hair.
—
“This looks like more than a fortnight of dust,” I remarked as I headed for my front door.
Sweepers and other cleaning apparatus had kept the floor and most surfaces sparking clean, but in corners dust had accumulated. Maybe the building ventilation systems had failed to scrub incoming air of particulates during a dust storm. The only other explanation made no sense.
And Boris the spider-plant was dead.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“What do you mean I can’t go trick-or-treating with Tangent? I ate my all vegetables at dinner! Tell him that if I can eat that nasty green stuff, he can too! Fluttershy said that I could stay out late and play if I ate my broccoli.”
Two days had passed in Equestria and Discord had presented himself at Ponyville Castle expecting an evening of convivial mayhem with his new friend.
“Celestia sent him back to his former home, Discord.”
“So bring him back here where he belongs! I want to play.”
“I can’t. Her Highness created a powerful barrier spell.”
“If you cannot defeat that old nag’s magic I am deeply disappointed in you, Princess Twilight Sparkle!”
“I will, I will, but it takes time! I don’t see you defeating her any recent century.”
“Maybe I just don’t feel like it,” he huffed and then pouted, “I wanna play with Tangent.”
“You can’t and neither can I. Thanks to you for getting him in trouble!”
“He was a willing participant in a completely legitimate Chaotic Deed!” Discord crossed his arms defensively. “And not a bad tap dancer under hostile fire, either, I should add.”
“I still blame you.”
“Very well, I shall take action. Decisive action. Just you wait and see. Harrumph, harrumph!”
Discord was gone before she could inquire what he planned but as long as it didn’t interfere with her research she really didn’t care.
—
An unusually costumed creature stalked the streets of Ponyville this Nightmare Night.
“Bahahahaha, silly little pony foals, I will take away all your candy and give you pickled beets! And you will never know who I am!”
The gigantic stylized turd chased hapless young ponies, an ethereal mane of pastel blue and pink and green trailing through a tear in the fabric. Constantly snapping at their heels and grabbing at their candy bags, the creature never actually caught any of them, but the repeated close calls only increased their frantic efforts to avoid it.
A small, timid, filly stumbled and fell immediately in the turd creature’s path. It lept and landed next to her with a great roar. A mis-matched paw and clawed hand reached out of the costume and helped little Betsy to her hooves. Giving her bag back, and patting her head, the costume wearer turned to race after another young pony.
“Beets, beets, beets, beets!” sounded a bellow, as if nothing had happened.
—
The supply of foals to chase had dwindled by the time her Highness put an end to the excitement.
“Discord!” Celestia snapped, “I thought you were reformed!”
“Oh, but I am, I am,” he assured her. “Please note that I am throwing a tantrum and not over-throwing a certain despotic poopie-poo. Nopony will ever guess who I am referring too.” He twitched the flowing tail of his turd costume until it exactly mirrored the identical tail of the Princess.
“What have I despotted this time?” she demanded with exasperation.
“Beyond the proper conjugation of the Ponish language just now, my friend is missing out on Nightmare Night due to your haughty interference.”
“There are weightier matters than a costumed frolic, scaring foals, and too much sugar.”
“What could possibly be weightier than eating your own weight in cheap confections?” Discord snapped his fingers to punctuate his question with a shower of scarcely edible Almerpay brand chocolates.
“Staving off the prophesied fall of Equestria comes to mind.”
“Oh pshaw! I, personally, am reformed as you so blithely point out and little Twi-Twi can certainly deal with almost anything those old donkeys have foretold without any risk to your royal repose.”
Celestia coughed her impatience with his disrespect to the ancient seers – his disrespect of her own hooves-off approach to seeing that the world gets saved one way or another was nothing new.
Primly he added, “most of it was probably about me, anyway, and just look how wrong they were!”
“Ah, Ahh, Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” sang an angelic choir as a halo appeared over Discord’s head.
Reformed or not, Celestia had forbidden Discord access to certain volumes of arcana – he watched her closely to see if she would confirm his guess about the words of the seers.
“I’m serious, Mister Sullivan.”
“I’m rarely serious, but I will tell you with an honesty born of my sworn obedience to the throne that Tangent is no threat to this land.”
“Hmmph.” Celestia was unimpressed. “Anyway, stop bugging the foals. That is a command.”
With a faint tinkle Discord’s halo cracked; it flickered out and began to tilt.
—
“Excuse me Mister Discord?”
There was one colt who had not run away during the kerfluffle.
“Yes, little one?” Discord sighed.
“I like pickled beets.”
“You do?”
“And my parents don’t want me to eat too much candy.”
“So you are hoping I will take your candy?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And give you the beets.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I’m sorry, little stallion. I was just trying to scare ponies. I don’t really have any beets with me. I will make sure to have a jar with me next year so nopony can say that I made an offer I was not prepared to keep. Is that okay?”
“It’s fine. You wanna walk with me? I’m dropping my candy off at the orphanage.”
Discord didn’t answer, but he fell in step with the young fellow.
—
Betsy’s mother tucked her into bed.
“Mommy?”
“Yes, dear?”
“I renounce Order.”
Her mother froze. There was no mistaking what the young filly had said.
Neutral, Evil, or even Good, their family had counted themselves Orderites for generations. (Nopony talked about Unlucky Penny; Chaos was merely the most egregious of her many faults. Betsy didn’t even know that she had a scorned aunt with whom she apparently shared more than just coat colour.)
“Do you understand what that means?” she asked her daughter carefully.
“I embrace Chaos.”
Betsy was no longer the timorous filly who had been so reluctant to venture into the costumed madness of Nightmare Night only a few hours ago.
“And I will never be afraid again. Of anything.”
—
“Are you sad Mister Discord?” the colt asked after dropping off his candy.
“Yes. I wanted to play with one of my chaos friends tonight and he can’t come out.”
“Is he in trouble? I hope he can play with you soon.”
“We both got into some wonderful trouble in Canterlot and somepony very important decided that he might destroy the world.”
“Would he really? The world is big!”
“Perish the thought; he could but he never would, at least not this world. Is this your house?” They were stopped in front of a tidy little bungalow on Stumble Street. “Listen to me little Harold, Tangent is from another world but he loves Equestria more than his own life. Now get you to bed and be sure to ask about the beets next year.”
“I will! Good night, Discord!”
—
“Sister!” Luna beamed. “We are so glad thou hast joined the festivities for a change. Ponies bespeak themselves throughout Ponyville with tales of thy brilliant costume. We did not see thee, but they say ‘twas very creative.”
“Lovely,” Celestia groaned.
“Nopony has actually described thine apparel, but we are certain a reprise wilt be in order for the royal bemasqued ball. Canst hardly wait!”
—
Running amok in the Celesturd costume had been amazingly unfulfilling and a late night cloudburst was all it took to put the finishing touch on Discord’s melancholy. By the time he knocked on the door to Fluttershy’s cottage he looked and felt like a half-drowned bunny: the furred parts of his body were saturated with rain, he had developed a sniffle, and his extinguished halo had caught on a prong of his deer-like horn. It hung down and covered one eye.
“Oh, come here you poor sweetie,” Fluttershy pulled him indoors. Ignoring the rainwater soaking her coat and dripping on the floor she hugged him and kissed him deeply.
“Now what you need,” she said, “is a warm towel, a mug of hot cocoa, and a voracious blowjob.”
All of which she provided.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Mr. Landers was at his desk, in his office at top of the library administration section.
“Hey Boss,” I tried to sound comfortable and casual, “can I have my job back?”
As entertaining as his startled reaction might have been, I didn’t think I looked that much like a ghost.
“Thank you for cutting right to the chase.” Serious look. A pause, and then he smiled. “I’ve worked here for over a century and I expect to be here at least that much longer. During my tenure, a research librarian of your skill and, ah, specialized knowledge will always find employ should they need it. That said, some ever so slight advanced notice of extended absences would be appreciated. After the third week I made some discreet inquiries, checked your domicile for signs of violence, and saw to it that your rent got paid. I–”
“Wait! What? Third week? I was only in Equestria for two weeks.”
“Two weeks? Hmmmm, no, my young Van Winkle, I’m afraid you’ve been missing rather longer than that.”
“Tell me!”
“You’ve been gone a full two years. I recorded in your employment record that you were away for a research sabbatical, should you be inclined to back me up on that detail.”
“I really appreciate it, sir, and I will totally back you up. I’ve even learned some stuff that will help with the Fragments, so its true! But two years? Oh shit, there’s some kind of time differential. I’m sorry for leaving you in the lurch like that. I didn’t think I would be coming back. Ah… there was a girl involved. And apparently time dilation effects I was not expecting.”
“I suspected a girl when your work attendance began to suffer. The operatic strains of Der Berenleid wafting from the stacks before you vanished confirmed my theory. I don’t recall that the original Tengar lyric was quite that detailed regarding Lúthien’s physical charms and her lover’s stamina.” My face grew warm. “Certainly my efforts replacing the security cameras you disabled in your ill-lit trysting spot among the forgotten books paid off.”
“You didn’t.”
“No, I didn’t. I am neither so inconsiderate as to actually spy on your amours, nor so blind that I would need to.”
“Thank you, sir, I’m sorry.”
“But well one might inquire where she took you that you could not send few words to your dear old boss to let him know you were not relegated to an organ farm.”
“Boss, the where is kinda hard to explain and we can discuss it later. A place with no data channel back here. I didn’t want to tell you in case you might be considered complicit—”
Someting changed.
“What was that?” I shook my head – my ears felt funny and the library had gone dead silent.
“I’ve stopped time.”
“How? I mean, how do you know that spell?”
Mr. Landers did not dignify my question with a response; he merely sat, stolidly evincing the air of a man surrounded by the largest collection of arcana known to this reach of the galaxy.
“Oh. Nevermind. Why, then?”
“So we can speak without fear of monitoring. Now, do you mean to tell me that you were trying to protect me?”
“Yessir. My… um Twilight… is from another world.”
“Yes, she’s from another world. In other breaking news, grass is green and Bela Lugosi is dead. I could tell that much without the introduction I was hoping for. Tangent, my dear young person, there is far more to old Mr. Landers than you will ever know. But it may be time for me to reveal just a little.”
“Uh, judging from your choice of words I am guessing you know this too. But there’s something even more awkward I gotta talk about.”
Eyebrows raised attentively, but he didn’t say anything.
“Obviously you know the party line, magic is not real, is bullshit. The fact is that our research would tell us that even if we never saw any evidence. I’m starting to think you’ve figured this out, but I'm a girl now, boss.”
The were a lot of reactions I could have expected from my coworkers. Derision, disbelief, offers to “check if it works”. But Mr. Landers was simply attentive. He nodded and gave me a moment to catch my breath after spilling the news.
“No surgery, no retroviral therapy, no prosthetics or hormone implants, call it magic if you want. Something anomalous happened.”
“I’d say ‘Tanna’, perhaps?”
“What?”
“Potential feminine variation of Tangent, I think.”
“Good call, boss.”
“When can you start work again? There’s a backlog of research and I swear nobody has ever spoke Pnackotic as fluently as you do. What was that for?”
I had twitched when he mentioned pre-human tongue.
“In Equestria they call it Pre-Equiik; they call the writers of the Fragments the ‘Ur-Genitors’, I found that in a book. Twilight speaks the language but only a few of their highest mages know it. She wouldn’t talk about it. I didn’t mention that we possess portions of their original writings.”
“You have just justified my decision to pay your salary for the last two years. If you remember anything else relevant to the Fragments please document it. I want you to split your time between the project backlog and recording what you just told me. Write it with a mind to be useful to researchers in the far future. This could be the biggest breakthrough in Pnackotic Studies since the time of Eibon.”
“Yessir, I can start right now. Where do I sit?”
“I kept your old office intact, but I think I’d like you to move into the empty office next to this one, the one with the connecting door.
“Uh, why?”
“So I can keep a closer eye on you, my wandering prodigy! Also, I’m promoting you two grades in light of your research. The notes you left on your desk are in my safe. I recommend saving that topic for your PhD thesis, it’ll be a shoe-in.”
“Yes sir.”
“Do try to scale down the ‘sirs’. I’m glad to have you back.”
With my gainful employment secured and no idea when Twilight would work things out and return to collect me, there was nothing to do but let life fall back into a routine and bide my time. But it sucked that I would miss my next remedial lesson on how to be an earthpony.
—
Days, then weeks passed as I spent my days at the library and waited for Twilight to reclaim me.
There was plenty to keep me busy. I documented my learnings about the infamous Ur-Genitors from distant un-hallowed eons. Backlogged, and new, requests from state sanctioned researchers were fulfilled with hand scribed notes – of these books it was well said die lässt sich nicht digitalisieren . In addition to my official duties I began a project of the wholesale manual transcription of books I could not obtain my own personal copies of. It would take years to copy everything that I’d like to have a copy of; Twilight would rescue me long before this task was complete.
A month after my return I began feeling consistently unwell.
“Something’s not right,” Bear said on the third day of malaise. “You can either go see your doctor or I will acquire a sufficient complement of biosensors that I can troubleshoot your biological apparatus myself right here. In fact, I’m upgrading my instrument suite no matter what. But I want you checked out soonest and some of these parts will take hours to obtain.”
Such was my misery that I did not bridle at Bear’s orders.
“Okay, okay, I’m going.” I flushed the toilet, rose from my knees. “As soon as I brush my teeth.”
—
I was still in shock when I got home.
“Bear.”
I sat at my little table, head in my hands.
“What did he find? What is it? Even if there’s no known cure I will find one. Please authorize me to access your medical chart.” Bear’s inflection was almost flat, but lifelong familiarity had taught me to recognize the earnestness in his words. I didn’t doubt him for a second, but his worry was unnecessary. His question also informed me that he had honored my standing request that he not monitor me at the doctor’s office – certainly more respect than I deserved after lying to him and almost killing myself. In spite of my spinning head I was grateful for that kindness.
“Oh there’s a cure, alright!” I laughed. “It just takes time. And—” I was remembering the educational material Bear had helpfully retrieved off datalinks for me “—I won’t have to learn how to use a tampon for eight more months.”
—
“Boss.” I stood in the doorway which connected our offices, leaning on the door frame. I was still unsteady. “I’m pregnant.”
“That… is… unusual.” He gestured me to enter and sit; I didn’t react to his timestop spell. At least we’d be able to speak frankly. “It takes a lot of of power and skill to do a fully operational gender swap. But immediately functional? Amazing. Your body must have had an ovum ready and in place as soon as you transformed; I am astounded. Is your baby healthy? I trust that the girl who makes you sing opera is the father.”
“Yep it’s her.” I sighed. “The baby is doing great. She’s about this big.” I gestured, my thumb and forefinger a few millimeters apart. “She’s well placed on my uterine wall. Heart rate is right around a textbook one hundred BPM. How the heck are you taking this so calmly?”
“Remember me telling you that I have worked here in the library for over a century?”
“Yessir. It’s none of my business, but I guess you must have top med. Longevity drugs workin’ good on you.”
“I was lying through my teeth. The correct number is a bit over two hundred years. Nor was I in my first century, or even my second, when I took the job.”
Damn. Some quick addition told me his claimed age was in the four to five hundred range. He was already well over twice as old as I could expect to live with the best of luck, and he just looked like a man nearing comfortable middle life, a man with at least half his life still ahead of him; there was every logical reason to expect that he would outlive me by another handful of centuries. Maybe he was one test cases of the first serious effort at a longevity regimen. The recombinant DNA technology was ultimately an abject failure, but the first twenty years after treatment looked so promising that millions were treated. Starting after a few decades nearly all the subjects randomly dissolved into aggressive, infectiously metastatic, cancer-goo. Entire households and even oncology wards had been obliterated. Some of the tumors were still alive centuries later. The tiny fraction of test subjects who survived –less than a few dozen if government figures were correct– were mostly still alive these centuries later, and keeping a low profile, which tilts the odds against the accuracy of the records.
“I won’t say a thing to anyone, sir.”
“I wouldn’t have told you if I had any doubt of your discretion. The point is, I have seen ‘anomalies’ large and small; you could say that I am unusually well qualified to supervise research in our field. One incident I might allude to was another male who completely changed to female, including DNA. But in spite of the physical changes being instantly complete, it took almost a year for his hormones to regulate themselves to a state where he was able to ovulate and successfully become pregnant. The change in his case was mediated by some rather powerful magery.” The question in his glance sought confirmation but he didn’t really have any doubt.
“Yeah same here. Non-Terrestrienne magic, powerful stuff.” Twilight’s spell had been a doozy even before I foolishly added to it. “I was on her world when things got switched around. We, ahem, did the deed in our altered states and I got kicked off her world by her mentor who did not approve our union. Nor the mess I made at the F.F.F. Fête.”
“What will you do now?”
“All I can do is wait for Twilight. And I’ve been procrastinating about having an anomaly hearing. Now that there’s another party with vested interest in normalizing my legal status,” I placed my hand on my abdomen, “I’d better get that taken care of.”
“There are alternatives, you know a fake ident is not that hard to come by.”
He suggested capitol crime as casually as if it were a dessert option. Fudge sauce or whipped cream?
“It’ll be fine. If I’m stuck here long enough for my baby to need medical care she needs to be in the system, and to be in the system she needs a mother in the system.”
—
In a tightly shuttered room, five friends had met discreetly under cover of darkness, but now their secret conclave was ending. As they prepared to go their separate ways, a few lingering sparks of magic fizzled and black smoke trickled from a cracked crystal ball.
“I’m certainly no fortune teller, that much is obvious” the unicorn said. “But even I can see that this isn’t going anywhere good at all.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Who sent you here?” Twilight demanded tartly. “Cadance? Our mother?”
“Ma didn’t tell me anything – when I asked her, she said you didn’t even tell her that you were seeing anypony. I sent myself here. To try to offer you some brotherly relationship advice.”
“And tell me,” she said, suddenly sweet, “why it is that you’ve never attempted to offer your wise guidance before?”
“Well, you never seemed to need it.”
“Shining. I am twenty six years old. The reason I didn’t need relationship advice, the reason I never dated anypony, is because something was medically wrong with me. I took care of the issue and that’s when I met Tangent.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, no lasting damage, I’m assured. And that’s all I’m saying about it.”
Shining Armor was married to the Princess of Sex. He had heard enough about ‘female troubles’ that he was not going to press his sister for details.
“What kind of name is ‘Tangent’?” he asked instead.
“I assume it’s not that unusual – for a human.”
“You’re dating a human?”
“Welllllll, I did turn him into a pony. I am kinda one of the most powerful things going, you know.”
“I want to meet him before, erm before things get—”
“Before what, BBBFF?”
“Before things get, er, physical.”
Shining Armor was looking down in embarrassment.
“Oh, Shining.” Twilight shook her head. “My dear, darling, sweet, big brother. You are a day late and a dollop short. Technically, several weeks late.”
“Late?”
“Your little sister has done the grown-up thing. Many times. Now pick your jaw up off the floor and stop worrying. I’m fine. I’m an adult. It’s perfectly natural.”
“He’s not taking advantage of you?”
“No, if anything I took advantage of him.”
“What‽”
“I might have been a little forward when we first met. I think we worked through it.”
“I guess that sounds more like my Twilly. I still want to meet him.”
“You’ll have to wait. Celestia banished him back to his homeworld. (I wonder if she remembered to turn him human again!) I’m still working on the breaking barrier spell she put up to keep me from just grabbing him right back.”
“That doesn’t speak very highly to his character.”
“Psht. She’s got her tail in a knot about some vague prophesy she half remembers from when she was a foal, back in the year one hundred B.D.”
“B.D.?”
“Before Dirt.”
“What’s the prophesy? This could be serious.”
“Her Highness is wrong .”
“Now Twilly, you can’t talk like that about—”
“Who has been saving Equestria over and over since she was a preteen?”
“Uh, you.”
“Who beat Tirek in spite of having her magic stolen?”
“You did.”
“Nightmare moon, Plunderseed vine, the new hive?”
“You. You. You.”
“Who was right about fake Cadance at your wedding?”
“Ouch. You were right.”
“I don’t blame you, you were ensorcelled. But her Highness should have trusted me. She practically raised me, she should know that I am not going to make that kind of mistake. My reverence for Celestia is still complete and absolute, even when she is wrong, but I am not going to let her ruin this for me. If I have to, I will leave Equestria to stay with him.”
“You’re that serious?”
“I am.”
“Is he?”
“Yes. He’d probably do something stupid and noble like offer to ‘let me go’ rather than pull me away from Equestria, but he’s not getting away that easy!”
“Sounds like you landed as big a dork as yourself. What’s he like?”
“He’s nice. Maybe a little dumb, but he was really excited to come to Equestria. His world runs on a buncha technology bullshit instead of real magic.”
“Dumb? Aren’t you going to get bored of being with a dumb stallion?”
“Maybe not dumb, I guess he’s just more of a dork.”
“Like who is it that we know, who is a dork? Remind me?”
“Ha ha ha ha, I guess it takes one to not know one! There’s one thing I notice you didn’t ask about him.”
“I don’t want to know how big his—”
“No! I mean, you didn’t ask what tribe he is.”
“Does it matter? I’m not stuck up about being a unicorn. I can’t lead the troops into battle if I don’t respect all ponies regardless of tribe.”
“You’re a good pony, Shining.”
“Anyway, Twily, I am going to take your word and assume you are totally correct about him. Please, please, don’t run away from Equestria without saying goodbye, okay? Preferably not at all. I love you, Sis.”
“I love you too, big Brother, and thank you for believing in me. Trust me, I’m really not a complete idiot. So are you going to help me bust the spell?”
“Aw, c’mon. You know I’m not a magic genius like you. I create shields and fields and barriers, I try to keep others from breaking them. I don’t have any hooves-on experience trying to break them myself.”
“Tell me. What’s it like when one of your shield spells is overcome?”
“It’s like I’m pushing all that magic out to hold the spell together and then suddenly there’s nothing to push against. Almost like falling over. Of course I can’t get very analytical about it because usually it means we’re in danger.”
“How do you keep them from breaking?”
“Okay, see, they have a strong side and a weak side. It’s easier to form them for keeping stuff out, than keeping it in. If the strong side is the outside, pushing on it actually makes it stronger before it breaks and the pony casting it can focus his power to reinforce the one spot. Trying to contain, the only way to make it stronger is to pour power into the whole shield.”
“Explain that.”
“Okay, imagine if you’re inside a force bubble and I’m trying to keep you in. If you attack the field, and I try to reinforce the spot you are attacking, your attack will flow away from the strong spot and eat away at the shield elsewhere. So I have to strengthen the whole thing or it will automatically shunt your attack to the weakest point. It doesn’t really make sense, but that’s how it works."
“I think I understand, thank you, that will help me. On the rare occasion I need shield spells I just pour on so much power I can usually get away with not knowing what I’m doing.”
“Tell me about it, Sis, I’ve seen you throw around more magic than I’ll use in my life into one spell like it was nuthin. I bet you could juggle both sun and moon duty.”
“Ugh, that might be easy for Princess Celestia, but not me until I’m a few centuries older and more experienced. And unfortunately I’m probably stuck on the ‘hard to break’ side of this spell, so I will be doing this the hard way. But it’s good to know that she can’t easily reinforce against me without using a huge amount of magic.”
“What if you can’t break it?”
“Ask me that in a hundred years.”
“I probably won’t be around in a hundred years, Sis. What changes then?”
“That’s about as long as I can expect him to live. If I’m not back with him by then, it’s too late.”
“You’ll do it. If you were in the habit of being wrong, we’d all be dead by now.”
“Thank you, I appreciate your vote of confidence.”
“Imma tell Cady—”
“Ah-ha! So it was Cadance who sent you!”
“No.”
“No?”
“She told me to try to get you to break it off with this colt-friend—”
“Lover.”
“—of yours. You will note that I did not say anything of the sort.”
“No,” Twilight agreed, “you did not. Point in your favor.”
“I just wanted to meet him and make sure you’re okay. Don’t worry, Brother’s got your six. But I would also like to point out that Brother will probably be sleeping on the sofa when he reports back that he disobeyed Princess Cadanza.”
“Do you want me to cover for you? I could write Cady a passive aggressive little note chastising her for trying to use you to interfere with my sex life.”
“Nah, I can take my punishment, I’m a big pony. If you’re gonna do this thing, you need to focus on doing this thing, not playing my wife’s games. She can go choreograph somepony else’s sister’s defloration.”
“Eww. I better get back to work, I just lost two days of lab time in the Ponyville lockup.”
Shining wasn’t going to ask about that, either.
“I don’t even know what school of magic Celestia used in her portal spell. I didn’t recognize any of the words.”
“I’ll show myself out.”
“Not without a hug first, BBBFF.”
“Aw, you know I’ll never say no to hugs, li’l Sis.”
“Thanks for your help understanding shield spells,” she said as they embraced, “now let me give you some ‘brother advice’.
“What’s that, Twily?”
“Keep your damn muzzle out of my feedbag.” She grinned saucily. “I got this.”
Author's Note
Hey, everypony! Happy Equinox! I realize I lost a lot of you in the early chapters; such is life. But now things look like they are going better for T&T. If there are any of you left, do you have any feedback before anything bad happens? For example, it’s obvious many of you hate this. Again, that is oki doki by Loki, but the important thing is, do you hate it for the right reasons? Or, if anypony who has been so kind as to express any positivity could drop a word or two regarding why? This not a demand, just saying it could be groovy.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“My name is Angstrom, and I’m here from the Anomaly Agency to determine whether your claim of anomalous experiences are valid and make a judgment whether you are a threat to the state.”
The anomaly hearing took place at my doctor’s office. Dr. Johnson had my pre-change DNA on up on a screen beside my new, female, DNA; the examining agent studied the differences, took the doctor’s statement that he recognized me as the same individual who had been his male patient for almost a decade. We left out the bit about me vanishing without a trace for two years.
Then came the humiliating step of proving that I really was female now.
An oath to that effect was not sufficient; nor was the doctor’s statement. I studied the ceiling as two men peered at part of my body that I preferred belong to Twilight alone.
“Could that be a surgical reconstruction scar?” the agent asked. He seemed to need a lot more convincing than my doctor had.
“Where?”
A finger jabbed me painfully.
“Hey!”
“That’s her urethral meatus, one hundred percent natural. There is no sign of surgical modification anywhere.”
“Did you check her prostate?”
“Women don’t have those.”
“Exactly. Did you check to make sure?
“There’s no need, she has no Y-chromosome any more, she—”
“It’s a yes or no question, doc. Did you check to see if she has a prostate?”
“No, I did not.”
“Well then, go ahead.”
“Are you serious?”
I would have asked the same question if Johnson hadn’t beaten me to it.
“Yes. If I am going to record that a subject of the state has had an impossible experience, I need to be fully convinced that it really happened. If she says that she’s a girl now and that she used to be a boy, we need to be sure that she doesn’t still have boy anatomy. So get digging!”
“Tanna, I’m sorry,” Johnson said, “we don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, you do.” Angstrom spoke with a voice of control. “No backing out now, if you don’t address my concerns, I can only assume that you’re lying and I’m required to perform termination on the spot. And you’re starting to sound like a co-conspirator, doc.”
“But—” Johnson started to object until I cut him off.
“Can I at least get a little privacy?” I asked.
“No. If the doctor couldn't be troubled to do a thorough examination on his own initiative, I clearly need to witness that he does so now.”
“Ugh.”
I rolled over, knees and elbows on the exam table, bum up on display.
“Let’s just get this over with.”
“Sorry,” Jonson repeated, “try to relax while I—”
There a squelch from a pump bottle and the clinical scent of a purely utilitarian lubricant made itself known.
“—okay, here I come.”
My efforts to relax my sphincter came to naught when the cold lube touched me.
“Sorry,” he said again as I contracted. “This will only take a sec.”
In spite of my reaction to the unexpected cold, a gloved finger was able to slip inside me. Another push and two fingers were probing the walls of my rectum. Angstrom had positioned himself to give himself a good view of the show.
“There is definitely no prostate in here, are you satisfied?”
“Thanks for checking, doc. Just gotta be sure.” Now the agent played the dutiful bureaucrat, despite the bullying tone he had taken only a moment ago. “Now I have a few questions about her allegiance to the state.”
With the humiliating physical inspection, and guided tour of my pelvis complete, I was permitted to don a backless medical gown; little better than sitting naked as a plucked chicken while the butcher haggles for a few dirty coins. There was still a residue of the exam lube in my ass crack and the slippery gel left me feeling distinctly in need of a better wipe.
I sat uncomfortably on the exam table as Angstrom grilled me. The battery of loyalty questions didn’t phase me for a moment. My highly simplified version of the events that had happened to me rolled off my tongue without a hiccup. How much does my dedication to truth even matter, I wondered, if I lie so facilely to protect something so small as my life? Of course it was not only my life which hung in the balance if I failed to convince my examiner that I was no threat to the state. Sophistry to my rescue, it was true enough that I only planned to abandon, not depose, the rule of oligarchs. They would doubtless rule for centuries, even without my lifetime subservience. My unnoticed return to Equestria, certainly any day now, would affect them not one jot.
“…I so affirm,” I concluded on autopilot, trying not to focus on how the unpleasant sensation between my butt cheeks felt like the aftermath of a unsanitary accident.
Surely by now all the questions should be done.
“Okay, there’s one more part you need to get right to avoid termination as a threat to the state.” I honestly thought that question was entirely settled by now. “Let me remind you that letting you live is actually more paperwork than doing a termination.”
Huh, what now?
His cold, bland, detachment never faltered. In a fluid motion he drew his sidearm and pressed it against my belly.
“Lie back on the table. This is the part where I rape you.” He spoke like it was a comment on the colour of the wall. “You will come for me or you both die.” The gun jabbed me lest I doubt that the threat included my daughter.
“Hey! You can’t—”
“Shut it, doc.” Angstrom knocked Dr. Johnson across the room with an idle swipe of his arm. Without pausing he touched the release on his belt. “Don’t move doc or I shoot her and then you.”
I fell back onto the exam table, lay there shaking with fear. The gun never left my side, pressed tight against me. The observing part of my mind noted how he relished my terror, how he devoured it. How could such a twisted creature exist?
“All you need to do is lay back, have one nice little orgasm, and you can go back to believing in your super special magic hubby.” Roughly he spread me, pulling my labia apart with his free hand, forcing his penis roughly into me. I gasped at the unlubricated intrusion, pain secondary to the horror of violation.
“That’s a nice hole, hole. Definitely feels like real cunt. Before you think about reporting this as a crime, you need to understand that I’m one of the Guardians of Freedom. If you call the Enforcers, the Enforcers are gonna call me .” He held up his left hand, showing the white tattoo on his palm. I’d never seen the Seal up close, and this was no time to examine it. “Consider yourself lucky to be getting the Oligarch treatment.”
I gritted my teeth and turned my head towards the wall—
“Don’t look away, don’t close your eyes. Look at me if you want to live.”
His eyes were a predator’s and I was nothing but meat in his gaze as he fucked me. His hips bucked like a relentless machine fueled by my humiliation. To my visceral revulsion, pleasure was growing in my body; I wanted to vomit at this reaction.
The gun never left my side as his other hand roved down my body until his palm rested on my pubic mound. His thumb on my clitoris found just the right rhythm and I gasped in spite of myself.
“You know you brought this on yourself,” he said.
I guess it was true enough, but didn’t make things any better.
“I don’t care where you came from, but lying about a magical sex change is the stupidest way of getting a fake identity I’ve ever heard.”
Neither cock, nor thumb, slowed as he spoke.
Why was my body responding to this? I pleaded with myself.
“Please, no, don’t make me come!” I wailed.
“Come for me or I’ll put a twenty millimeter shard round right through your belly.”
“No, no, no, no, no, noooooooo!” I wept, and my body shook with precursor spasms.
A glow of demonic ecstasy filled his face as I involuntarily tightened around him; his hunger bored into eyes that I was too terrified to close.
“Magic isn’t real, stupid hole. This—” a particularly savage thrust speared me, stretching me wider “—is your reality.”
I climaxed then.
My body was beyond control, I was utterly helpless beneath his merciless onslaught. I might have cried out again as my vagina throbbed, pelvic muscles contracting around the invader. His body answered my traitorous flesh and for a hideous instant we were united, aggressor and prey, made one in an act of deliberately transcendent abuse.
His cock was throbbing, pumping, but the flood of semen now filling me couldn't defile me any more than my own body’s betrayal had done. The wave of unwelcome pleasure had collapsed instantly, reborn as a cataclysm of guilt and shame and self-disgust.
I would have begged him to shoot me if mine had been the only life in the balance.
For another minute he continued to grind and thrust inside me, making sure his filthy seed penetrated every crevice of my inmost being. He was still rock hard when he unsheathed his cruelty from my disgrace.
“Your turn, doc. Have some sloppy seconds.”
“I can’t do that to my patient!”
“You will do it. Or all three of you. Boom.”
“That’s not what you said!” I insisted.
“Shut it, hole.” He jabbed me again with the gun.
I moaned with fear for my daughter. For an instant I could see her in my mind’s eye, a young filly, galloping joyfully in the dawn light of a distant world. I couldn’t let that future be stolen from her, no matter what I must endure for her sake.
“Go on,” said the agent, “fuck her before I decide to kill you and the baby and the hole with one shot.”
Johnson dropped his pants and leaned awkwardly across me, one hand fumbling his entirely flaccid penis at my groin.
“Damn you, you idiot, fucking rape me before that fucker kills my baby!”
Our tormentor laughed as Johnson tried to coax an erection from a cock shriveled with fear, but quickly grew impatient. In a surge of rage he was behind Dr. Johnson; when Johnson cried out in pain I realized that he was getting raped too.
In spite of the evident pain he was experiencing, the doctor’s penis was reacting to the rough prostate stimulation as the agent sodomized him. Soon he was fully erect.
“Fuck her!” the agent ordered again. With a shove from our abuser’s hips, Johnson’s cock was buried in me.
I turned my head away, trying not to think of what was happening again .
“Look at him, hole.”
Conscious of the penalty of disobedience I complied; Johnson’s expression was full of terror as we locked eyes. His cock was reciprocating inside me but the source of that motion was the brutal fucking that he received from the anomaly agent.
“I’m sorry,” Johnson gasped moments later as he ejaculated. He couldn’t have put more than a single spurt of semen in me; there was no sign of pleasure on his face.
Hearing the doctor’s words, Angstrom gave another unholy groan of release as he came in Dr. Johnson’s rectum.
When Angstrom stood and released him, Johnson rolled off me and stumbled to wall where he collapsed panting, half sobbing, on the floor. His cock was already dead limp, shrunk like a boy who’s been swimming in cold water.
I lay numbly on the exam table, hoping the nightmare was over.
“Congratulations, Miss Akos—” Angstrom was hitching his pants back back up “—after careful consideration of a multitude of relevant factors I have reached the determination that your case represents no anomaly, simply delusion. You present no threat to the state and will be permitted to live. And if I ever find the boy whose identity you stole, I’ll fuck him too.”
“It’s Mrs. Sparkle.” I was dead inside, but I couldn't ignore what he called me. “My name is Mrs. Sparkle.”
He paused at the door to the exam room.
“What’s that, hole?” he sneered, confident in his untouchability, “you want another?”
Silence.
“I didn’t think so.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Tea was ready and the six friends helped themselves to the assortment of treats.
Technically it was Fluttershy’s turn to host, but the event had been moved to Rarity’s home in the Carousel Boutique on pretense of Angel Bunny’s migraine. As the oldest mare in the group, Rarity had the maturity to facilitate a painful, but necessary, conversation.
Chatter died down and everypony looked at Twilight – with a sudden sense of unease she realized she was the focus of their attention.
“Um, yes?”
“We would like to voice our concern about a missing pony,” Rarity said.
“Yer particular missing pony, in fact.” Second oldest, Applejack did her best to back Rarity up.
“He’s fine and I’m working on the spell that will let me bring him back here.”
“What if something were to happen to him without you?” asked Fluttershy.
“He might seem soft by our standards, but he knows his world and how to stay safe there.”
“That’s not quite our point, though I am sure it’s a valid concern.”
“Now that you done found a feller, don’t go losin’ him. Its about time you considered gittin’ hitched.”
“We’ve semi-discussed it and—”
“Well that's dandy, just dandy!” Applejack smiled. “Now lets see you git aholt of’m and get a date set!”
“Don’t rush me! I said we semi-discussed it. We need to work out some details.”
“It sure would be nice having another pony in the on-call rotation,” Fluttershy said.
“After last time?” Twilight’s skepticism was unexpectedly harsh.
“What’s that mean? I heard he did awesome!”
“I was so embarrassed! And then I had to reprimand him for his performance on duty.”
“Say wut now? A rep-ri-mand ?”
“I was hardly myself on the occasion, but I felt that he acquitted himself rather well, in a supporting cast kind of way.”
“He only dropped the soul gem down a bottomless pit.”
“That’s nothing, I managed to drop myself down the pit!” Pinkie argued, or possibly boasted.
“Anypony can have an off day—”
“‘Cept fer him, you sayin’?”
“—and if Pinkie hadn’t been there in the pit to catch the gem we couldn't have used it to capture the demon.”
“I didn’t catch it. The gem got caught in the rocks right at the edge, all I did was pick it up with my mouth and spit it to you.”
“Nopony told me that!”
“You did cancel the debriefing, darling. Even I noticed that in spite of my exhausted post-possession condition. I also noticed that he was the one who drove that horrible demon out of me. Even if his method was harsh, it surely must count for something .”
“I skipped the debriefing so I wouldn't have to give him a written reprimand. And it was Applejack who told him how to drive the demon out.”
“What Ah done tol’ him was that we all had confidence in him,” Applejack clarified. She squinted sourly. “In retrospect, I mighta bin inadvertently lyin’.”
“I think you’re being way too harsh. A rookie’s gotta learn somehow. That’s why they work with us pros before they go out on their own.”
“He came to Sugarcube Corner to drown his sorrows in ice-cream and all I did was give him free pickles…”
“Chill out,” Twilight insisted, “the mission was technical success but an operational disaster. Crap, girls, he didn’t even put out that night!”
Twilight’s attempt to lighten the mood with humor fell flat.
“I don’t s’pose you tried th’ old fashioned practical expedient of bein’ nice? A kind word at the right time can be a helluva leg spreader.”
Rarity nodded solemnly, but all eyes were on Twilight.
Applejack’s brutally honest drawl had hit like a kick and Twilight winced. She remembered that night well. Tangent had returned from Ponyville somber and humbled; quiet, with a sad smile, his mane looking frankly amazing. She had been somewhat distant to him that night, waiting for another apology. Waiting for an apology for something that was really her own problem.
“I’m sure he’d be safer here, uh, where you can keep an eye on him.” Fluttershy was trying to steer the conversation back on track.
“I said he’ll be safe!”
“What we are trying to say dear, is that your mysterious beau has made a fine impression on us and we’d hate for anything to happen to him. It is a bit alarming when our friend’s somepony special is suddenly ejected from Equestria. His old world sounds very strange indeed.”
Twilight twisted awkwardly in her seat under the focused attention of her friends.
“Bring him back!” said Dash.
“We really want to see you settle down with the pony you love,” said Fluttershy.
“We’ll have the biggest engagement party ever for you two!” said Pinkie.
“A real shindig!” said Applejack.
“Ahem,” said Rarity.
She cleared her throat and again the room grew silent.
If Twilight had been discomfited before, now she was really on the spot.
“I seem to recall,” Rarity said frostily, “a reference to a kicking incident. Perhaps there is more to this matter. Perhaps all is not as it should be, Miss Sparkle.”
“Rarity,” Twilight’s voice was flat now, “I could use something a little stronger than tea.”
“Certainly, I have a bottle of emergency brandy, I’ll be right back.”
Rarity slipped away and returned, a sparkling cut crystal bottle floating beside her. She topped off Twilight’s teacup with Ennessyhay VSOP.
“Leave the bottle.”
“Of course dear. Tell us what is wrong, we will help however we can.” She spoke more gently now.
Twilight drained half of her cup of tea-and-brandy at a gulp. Rarity topped it off again.
“The truth is—”
The truth was interrupted by a crash from upstairs, and something came tumbling down from the upper story.
“Mom?”
Spike had landed in a heap at the bottom of the long curved flight of stairs.
“I was going to tell you that they planned to interrogate you but Rarity tied me up again.”
He was bound and and foot, tied to the remains of an elegant chair. The chewed shreds of a gag hung around his neck.
“Now Spikey dear, I did ask you to stay out of this discussion. And I believe you have woken—”
A cry sounded from the next room.
“It’s okay, Spike,” Twilight said, snapping his bonds with rose magic. “They aren’t interrogating me, they are merely insisting on the truth.”
“I’m not sure what the difference of those two things is. I should stay here with you. To make sure you get a fair hearing.”
“No, why don’t you and Spike Junior run along now? You’re a big boy son, I love you to pieces, but you still don’t need to hear about your foalish mother’s mistakes in love.”
“Well, okay mom,” he kissed her cheek, “but you’re not a foal, you’re the wisest sage I’ve ever known of any species. And if you need any help, you can always count on your former number one assistant!” Turning to Rarity he added “Don’t be too rough on my mother, please, my Lady.” He knelt and kissed her as well, longer and on the lips.
A moment later Spike and Spike Junior were away. Rarity refilled Twilight’s cup of brandy again. There wasn’t much tea left to dilute it.
“As I was starting to say, the truth is that my relationship with Tangent started off on a very bad hoof…”
Twilight didn’t go halfway, she told everything. Every abuse she had inflicted, every petty cruelty. Laid bare in obscene clinical detail.
“…instead of asking him if he consented to be the center of a three way, I sprang it on him as a surprise when he was going down on me and told him to lick it like he meant it. And that's about all.” Her telling ended at the very nadir, before the turning point.
“Oh dear,” Rarity whispered, “I think that’s quite enough.” Absently she filled her teacup with brandy, passed the bottle to Applejack. Applejack filled her own cup and passed the bottle on. It made a full round of the table.
“But why? I don’t understand,” Fluttershy asked sadly, “why were you so conflicted?”
Twilight’s lip quivered like she wanted to speak, but no sound emerged. She couldn't force herself to make any complaint on what she had been through, the single most important detail that she had left out of her tale. Mention the withdrawal symptoms and her friends would ask why she had been medicated in the first place. And she could no more answer that question than she could pass the blame to the one pony who did know.
“I dick-punched a colt because I liked him and didn’t know how to admit it,” said Pinkie, “but that was when I was six, not twenty six.”
“Is he stupid?” Rainbow Dash asked, “why would he put up with that? I thought he understood what friendship is – he helped me be a better friend!”
“You two seemed like such a perfect couple,” Fluttershy was still mournful.
“I cain’t say that isn’t some pretty messed up–” Applejack hushed up when she felt Rarity’s hoof on her shoulder.
“No, you can’t say that it wasn’t messed up. None of us could. But I think we’ll agree that it is not our place to be indignant on Mister Tangent’s behoof if he has chosen to overlook some rough spots in his relationship with Twilight until now.” Focusing her piercing blue eyes on Twilight she continued, “however, Twilight, we are your friends and we love you. We can’t let our friend behave like you have; there can be no more abusive behavior. But we will do anything, absolutely anything we can, to help you fix the situation. We have agreed among ourselves that if he is willing to return to Equestria, it is imperative that you bring him back immediately, if not sooner.”
“Yeah!” Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash all agreed in one voice.
“And,” Rarity added, “if he doesn’t wish to return, you must let go.”
“Ladies, ladies, ladies! I do appreciate your concern, but you are all over-reacting.”
“I truly do not think so.” Rarity’s voice was laden with drama and left a chill lingering around the table as Twilight stood.
“Yes, we had a rough start, it’s true. But I will break Celestia’s spell; it won’t take more than another week or so. I promise you, he’s fine. He probably needs a little time to wrap his head around everything that’s happened, I know I sure do!”
Halfway out the door she turned to say, “I’m sure he’s doing great.”
She was almost confident enough to convince her friends.
“Trust me!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The door whooshed closed and Angstrom was gone. My resolve not to weep in front of him collapsed.
“My baby,” I sobbed, “is she alright?”
“I’ll check.” Johnson groaned as he stood. His pants were still around his ankles and he wobbled as he bent to pull them up. “She should be fine, babies are well protected – parents are supposed to stay sexually active during pregnancy. But first—” He took my arm, dabbed a line of medication along the dark shadow of a vein in my wrist. “Post-trauma tranq. It’s safe for pregnant women, we use this in the E.R. if we’re not sure.” He released me as the last of it soaked through my skin. His hands shook as he dosed himself as well. “This will keep us going right now, and discourage the development of PTSD.”
Grabbing another dispenser he drew a sense web of transponder nanos across the equator of my belly; already his hands had stopped shaking. With some surprise I realized that I was no longer quivering, no longer wracked by tears. The trauma was somehow set aside.
As the sensors synced, the holo display morphed into coherence and showed my daughter floating placidly, buoyed on the inner sea. All the readouts overlayed around the 3Dimage were green.
“Thank Celestia.” I raised a hand in praise, or supplication. “Keeper of the sun have pity on your servant I pray. I will swear you my fealty, I will serve you with my life or my death, but save me, save my daughter. Save Twilight’s child from this twisted world.”
Dr. Johnson waited until he was sure I had finished my prayer before he spoke.
“Your baby’s healthy,” he said, “you saw the readout. I should check you, too.” He glanced at my groin. “Uh, may I?”
Slowly I parted legs that I had clamped together.
He didn’t bother with gloves, we were fluid bonded now. Wet pubic hair pressed against my thighs as he spread me. I tried not to think about what my nether fuzz was soaked with. The thought of Angstrom’s– of his– still in me–
I took a breath and fought down the panic.
Instead I focused on the examination. Johnson’s fingers were more gentle than a cold speculum would ever be, as he checked me for injuries. After a moment he snapped off the penlight and stood.
“Your vagina’s pretty roughed up but your cervix is fine. You’ll bleed a little, but it should stop by morning. If it continues or increases, get attention immediately, don’t wait it out. I’ll give you my direct contact number, or you can just go to the E.R.”
I nodded my understanding of his instructions.
“I suppose it won’t be a problem, but no vaginal sex for a few days. If your husband comes back, just blow him, okay?”
That almost got a chuckle out of me.
“Do you want to file a report… for what just happened?”
“Are you crazy?” I demanded, “that fucking maniac will kill us.”
“I know he said that, but if you ever want to report, I’ll testify. Fuck, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him—”
“He’s a monster, inhuman. There was nothing you could do.”
“Let me take a swab so we can make sure he didn’t have anything contagious that we need to treat you for, then you can get cleaned up.”
“Do I need to worry about catching anything from you?”
“No.” He blushed crimson. “I was a virgin.”
And I called him an idiot; what a bitch.
“Helluva way to get your cherry popped. Is your ass okay?”
“It hurts, but I doubt he did any permanent damage, I’d be bleeding profusely. We have a shower in the staff breakroom you can use to clean up. After that I want to give you dose of goldboost, and if you’re stable enough to go home, uh, I could really use a shower too.”
“What’s a goldboost?”
“It’s an immune system upgrade, reserved for the oligarchs. Transcendental technology. Not even patients with top medical have access to it. Here, I’ll show you where the shower is.”
—
I showered under stingingly hot water like I was trying to cleanse myself of guilt rather than the physical stains of sweat and semen but I knew that no amount of soap and water could remove the feeling of filth that had soaked into my body. After only ten minutes of obsessive scrubbing I forced myself to stop.
—
According to the clock in the exam room where I sat naked, I had been over an hour in the shower. Soon Johnson returned with test results.
“He didn’t have anything contagious, though I don’t understand some of these markers, he might not be fully human. I ran myself too, so you can see that I really am clean.”
Infectious agents: none, read the summary under both printouts.
Before any more time passed, I owed him an apology.
“I’m sorry for calling you an idiot,” I said. “That obviously wasn’t true.”
“All forgiven, it was a stressful experience. I’m, um, sorry for raping you.”
“You didn’t rape me. Angstrom was the only person doing any raping. You were just doing what you had to, to stay alive. To keep us all alive. I don’t blame you for anything that happened. I’m sorry he hurt you too.”
“Uh, thanks.”
“Come here,” I said, “listen, I don’t feel anything romantic for you, and you shouldn’t get any ideas about me, but I think the first woman you ever had sex with should kiss you.”
“But—”
I cut off his objection with my lips. It was clumsy, but after an awkward minute or two he began to get the hang of what he was doing and his hands began to grope towards my breasts. After a moment I pushed them away and broke the kiss.
“That’s all.” I smiled as best I could in the circumstances.
“Why?”
“Just to show that there is no animosity between us – you need to know, down in the core of your being, that I don’t blame you. You were not the assailant. Can I get dressed now?”
“Wait a sec. The boost works best on thin skin – your inner thigh would be ideal.”
I rummaged my clothes for my panties before climbing back onto the exam table, but couldn't find them.
“My underwear is gone,” I commented as I climbed up to sit with my knees apart. They wouldn't have covered anything he hadn’t seen, and more, already.
“He probably took it as a trophy. Do you believe all the stuff you told him?”
“Twilight? Magic?” I placed my hands together, palm to palm. Drawing them apart I summoned a sphere of pure milky light. In Equestria any well educated unicorn a third my age would know dozens of more impressive spells where I could barely manage a foal’s light spell, a disguise spell, some wobbly momentum effects. The more difficult magic I had learned from Naughtious was no more indicative of my true skill level than giving a toddler a gun – and about as safe.
Johnson poked at the ball of light – his hand passed through it unhindered.
“Yes, Doctor, I believe in magic.”
I let the light fade away.
“For the record,” he said, “I didn’t see that.”
I couldn't blame him for not wanting to acknowledge an actual anomaly, even a small one.
Johnson opened a dewar flask that was now resting on the counter. He used ceramic tipped tweezers to retrieve a small golden square, no larger than a postage stamp, from the platform rising up from the swirling mist. By the time he placed it against the skin of my inner thigh it was merely cool.
“Leave this on for ten minutes; it will fall off and disintegrate when it’s done interfacing. You’ll never get any of a dozen plus diseases that plague the lower strata of mankind, your cartilage will never wear out, and you’ll grow new teeth every thirty or forty years. Your daughter will get the benefits too. It should at least double your lifespans. Any future children either of you have will gain some benefit but not as much.”
I looked down at the golden device, a bright glint against my leg.
“What’s something like this cost?”
“If you could sell it without getting caught by the Imperiate, you could ask billions for one of these. You, er, really can’t tell anyone you’ve had this treatment.”
“Why’d you use it on me?” The golden sticker still gleamed bright on my thigh. “I can’t pay for it.”
“This one was reported lost, a courier got blown up on the way out of my old building, but his dispatcher thought he hadn’t made his drop yet. There’s no record of it. The agent said you were getting the Oligarch treatment. As a humble subject I can only obey.”
That tranquilizer must have been some good fucking shit: I laughed.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The mares watched as their dear friend left. They were hopeful that her optimistic assertions were correct. And still in shock from her revelations. The one and only Princess of Friendship, treating her own special friend so poorly?
“Does friendship really mean anything at all?” Fluttershy asked, forlorn.
“’Course it does. This here was not a failure of friendship, this was a failure of– of– of one particular pony.” Applejack sniffled just a bit. It hurt like dickens to criticize her friend, no matter how honest the words were.
“Don’t fret, Jackie, Twilight has us and we’ll all help her get things straightened up.”
“If it ehn’t too late,” Applejack grumbled. “She should have talked to one of us, or all of us, if she was so mixed up that her response to feeling attracted was to kick him. Thank th’ holy one she don’t kick like Ah do.”
“Twilight isn’t the only pony who kicked Tangent around,” Rainbow Dash confessed.
“Yes, dear, but did he lie there and take it when you had your little tiff?”
“No! I needed stitches and a splint by the time we were done.” Her wing was still immobilized. “And he walked me to the doctor’s office instead of leaving me in the sticker bushes where I deserved to be.”
“Therein lies all the difference in the world. You see that don’t you?”
“Yeah, but I don’t feel very awesome about myself.”
“You were fighting with him? What about?” Fluttershy’s eyes were wide with surprise. Dash’s explanation for the injury had simply been that she hit a tree – no mention of how .
Dash looked down at the ground. So much for Tangent's promise not to rat on her, she’d just blown her own cover.
“You.”
“Me?” Fluttershy didn’t understand.
“I told him that I was worried about Discord’s influence on you. He told me to mind my own business and I got mad and threw the first kick.”
Fluttershy frowned slightly.
“I thought you said you approve of us. Didn’t you mean it?”
“Yes, I mean it, I swear I do, Fluttershy! I swear by my mark! But I couldn’t have said that to you if he hadn’t helped me get my head sorted out. I’m sorry it took me so long. It’s your choice and if I don’t support you one hundred percent, I’m not a good friend.”
“You are a good friend. And it’s very loyal of you to make such an effort to do the right thing even when it’s hard for you.”
Conversation lapsed until Applejack broke the silence.
“I tol’ him that Twilight probably thought he was useful to have roun’.” She shook her head and laughed at herself. “Yeah, it could be worse, but I still musta’ sounded like an insensitive clod. Maybe that was a little bit too honest.”
“Pinkie, you’ve been very quiet. Is there anything you’d like to get off your chest?”
“I already said my piece,” the pink one said. “There was me like a bucking idiot!” Her hair went down even as her voice rose to resay her piece in more detail. “Essentially telling him ‘well at least us buck ups didn’t get our mistakes microscopically critiqued’ while he cried into his ice cream, post microscopic critique. He needed consolation and maybe a representative to confront his commander, and all he got was extra pickles. I thought he was crying because they’re super spicy.” She waited a beat. “At least they were damn good pickles.”
The mares chuckled at Pinkie’s punch line. Leave it to her to successfully get a laugh during a downer meeting like this one.
Rarity took the opportunity to start wrapping the gathering up.
“Well, as far as I know I haven’t committed any especially egregious faux pas but I confess that I did wonder about borrowing him from the princess one day. I begin to wonder now if I should ever give him back. With clear consent that steamy three way would be quite—”
“Rarity!” Fluttershy scolded, “you’re awful!”
“I jest, I jest.”
“Like fun y’do.”
“Hush you, Jackie.”
“Guys, are we going to tell Twilight about the crystal reading we tried to do?”
“Puh-lease, Dash, I only just barely avoided a lengthy prison stay over that tiny little quibble about Spikey’s age last year. Let’s not get me put away for unlicensed divination unless that is the only way to save their relationship.”
—
Why, why, why, why?
Twilight repeated the questions as she trotted home.
Why didn’t she open up to her brother about her missteps?
The girls were a great bunch of mares and her close friends, but now they were all alarmed for nothing.
True, she had screwed up, but now everything was under control, she reminded herself again.
Shining would have had some advice, or at least emotional support.
After a disastrous confrontation, she owed herself a day off.
—
“So, um, what do we do now?”
Rarity paused in thought – her suggestions would skirt the technical definition of insubordination.
“We wait for Mister Tangent to return. If he does, we will be staging a tiny little intervention. In the mean time, let us all try to shield Twilight from any duties or disruptions that will pull her away from her magic work on the barrier.”
“What’s up with the dang barrier, anyway? Sounds like some kind of royal malar—”
Applejack was interrupted by a cry as the most timid member of the group panicked and skittered her way under the table.
“Now look, you’ve gone and scared Fluttershy. It’s probably a sin to doubt Twilight, and yet, here we are. Nevertheless,” Rarity said sternly, “we do not question Princess Celestia. Come on out dear.”
Rarity lifted the edge of the tablecloth and gestured for Fluttershy emerge.
Fluttershy could be brave enough in a pinch, if the situation demanded it and there was no other alternative. But even a hint of sacrilegious rebellion was too much for her. She glared resentfully at Applejack as she crawled out from under the table.
“Isn’t that right, Jackie?” Rarity prompted, “We do not cast aspersions on Princess Celestia’s motivations.”
“’Course not,” Applejack grumbled, “not even when she—” there was a steely glint in Rarity’s blue eyes as she contended with Applejack “—is far beyond the reckonin’ of a dumb hayseed like me!”
“Twilight needs to break that spell, like, yesterday.” Pinkie pushed her way between Rarity and Applejack before they could antagonize each other further. Why did they always know exactly how to trigger each other? “How can she be so relaxed about it? What is she thinking?”
“Well, she’s got the five of us.”
“I’m still worried.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Suicide was my only thought, again. There was no way to wrap my head around what had happened. This time, there was no possibility that an otherworldly intruder might stop me.
But another heart depended on my own: for my daughter’s sake the thought could not become an action.
For weeks after the rape my sleep was dreamless black despair, helpless and violated. But one night I finally dreamt again. A sunny meadow in no particular place. Even in the dreamworld the new life within me was vigorous, my abdomen twitched with the kicking. I smiled for the first time in ages.
There was the sound of a step behind me, my heart leaped until I realized it was not the sound of Twilight’s steps.
“Leon.”
I had no need to guess who else might find me here in the countryside of Nod.
“Good, to see you, little bro! Its been a while.”
“Yeah, man. Hey, I'm… not really in the mood for cock these days.”
The retired Dragon Priest was too suave to double-take when he saw my swollen abdomen.
“I can see you got a good dose of it. Does Purple Pony know you’re pregnant? I bring message from her.”
“Oh! Oh! Oh! She’s the father, but there’s no way she could could know. Is she okay, what’s the message, where has she been, when can I go back to Equestria?”
“Calm down, young mother.” He wasn’t quite suave enough to keep the laughter out of his eyes. “I didn’t get any details. Sounds like She’s essentially under house arrest by this Celestia you both swear by. Some kind of seal or barrier mayhap. She sends her love and is very sorry its taking so long to get to you. Judging from the indirect path the message took getting to me, don’t expect a reply to reach her.”
I sighed.
“She is the father of my child, I know she won’t abandon me. Was she well?”
“I didn’t see your Twilight, a dark blue mare with clouds and a crescent moon on her aft gave me the message.”
“That would be Luna, younger sister of Celestia. She is a good pony and the other half of the diarchy.”
“So also royalty slash divinity? I may have questioned her over frankly.”
“Princess Luna is realistic. You won’t shock her, though I hope you were nice to her. She’s been through a lot.”
“She got her point across,” Leon said, but he did not elaborate. “What’s ‘a lot’?”
“Attempted simultaneous co-regicide and sororicide, banishment to the moon for a thousand years, a second attempt to overthrow her own sister… and worst of all, being forgiven.”
After a moment’s thought I added “My reply, just in case you can get a message to Twilight, I love her, I await, I never give up. Tell her to come for me when she is able. And Leon honey… please don’t tell her that I am afraid.”
I sniffled a little. Leon put his strong arms around me and I sobbed in earnest. “Oh shit, Leon, sorry, its these emotions, they get all crazy. I think I can do this, I can, really. Even if I never see Twilight again I will believe in her. But I miss her so much and my world is a crap place to raise a child. I should know: it happened to me. My world also sucks to be a female in.” I didn’t want to tell him how badly it sucked.
“What’s happened to you?” he asked full of concern.
I avoided his gaze and said nothing.
“Shit,” he said.
“Yeah. Shit. I just need my Twilight.”
“Shit,” Leon repeated. “I’m sure she’s working day and night to bridge whatever kind of gap or break the barrier, I don’t know how magic works in her world. Don’t know how close she is to success.” Leon paused. “Tell me more about this Celestia of yours who blocked her way to you.”
“She raises the sun, gives life to Equestria. She is fey and puissant and capricious. Feared by the wise and beloved by the meek. Gracious in favor and dire in anger. She is the hoof of the goddess and above question.”
“That…” it was unusual for his eloquence, or at least his riposte, to fail “…was a very stark and moving attestation of faith” he said after a moment. “She has no idea whats happened to you in your world, does she?”
“No, of course not.” I shook my head. “Her Highness is mistaken, but she is not cruel.”
Looking down I noticed how starkly Leon’s pale skin contrasted with mine. I found myself acutely aware of my small breasts pressed against his bare, muscular, chest through the almost sheer fabric of my sleep shirt. My dark nipples were hardening. At least I had not dreamed myself naked. I cleared my throat - he released me.
“Sorry.” I kissed his cheek. “There was a time I would have given much to be a girl and be with you in a dream. Now there can only be Twilight for me.”
There was warmth, and merriment, and wisdom brimming in Leon’s smile. “I’ve seen you in the throws of lust and orgasm, but verily the humility of true love looks best on you, little one. I am, rather was, a priest, not a prophet. I can’t tell you if you get back with her. But I’d put money on it. And you know I’m no longer available anyway.”
“Thank you, Leon, I appreciate it, really. I can tell you one good thing,” my mood brightened with the memory, “before she separated Twilight and me, Celestia acknowledged us as newlyweds. So that makes us officially married!”
“Congratulations, Madam!” The twinkle in his eye was bright. “How shall I call thee? Missus Princess Twilight Sparkle?”
“We haven’t worked out all the details – we were still -uh- consummating when a portal opened under my hooves. And I fell back into my world.”
“Ouch. ‘Dire in anger’ forsooth! Tell of the wedding itself?”
“We didn’t really have one. We used Twilight’s magic to gender-swap and fucked like maniacs, ha ha. I think I may have tweaked the spell a little too much. During the sex we swore our love by Celestia – who heard us and accepted our oaths as binding even if she doesn’t actually want us together.”
“Hmmm. strange behavior for a goddess-like being. Keep an open mind that she might know something you don’t – but even a goddess’s avatar can make a mistake and what she knows might not be so.”
“I thought you said you weren’t a prophet. Foreshadow much?”
“There’s prophesy and then there’s observation and experience. Avani killed a mad god in the midst of his apotheosis—” there pride in his voice “—I was there to watch her back.”
“I’d like to hear the tale sometime. How is Avani, is she well? Are you still mourning the holy dragon?”
“She is physically well enough. But sorrow clouds her heart and she is closed to us. As for Ventuswill… my Lord Ventu endures, but without Venti, his living word, in our lives even his service seems empty. Willingly I went to my end for Ventuswill’s protection. I did not expect to come back. Another of Avani’s impossible miracles. Now I live while Venti has departed.”
We sat quietly in the timelessness of the dream; me with my loneliness and Leon with his memories.
“You know,” he finally said “as a female you remind me of an old friend of mine from another time and timeline. People called her LFG.”
“Good memories I hope?”
“Yeah, good times. She was a fun girl. Not dark like you, she was much paler than Avani even but with a good roll in the mud she could have been your sister.”
“Would’ve been nice to have a sister who was nice. My sisters considered mud worse than death.”
“Did you ever tell Twilight about the stuff we used to do?”
“Some of it. Twi and I acted out my visit to Selphia.”
“You still remember that?” His grin left no doubt to his own recollection of the smoldering interlude.
His grin faded as he thought of Ventuswill again.
“I’m glad you got to meet Venti. We all knew she would be taken from us someday. We, the guardians, were all ready to lay down our lives for her; we did. Now she’s gone just like we knew would happen. You didn’t know that you would lose Twilight, but the one thing you need to know with confidence is that she is working to get back to you.”
“Thanks, bro.”
Moments passed.
“Do you think Twilight’s gonna kill the guy who hurt you?”
Somewhere during our conversation, something had formed within me, an adamant seed-crystal, destined to grow.
“No.”
Leon startled at the change in my voice.
“I am.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Bang! Bang! Bang! came the thump on the door to Celestia’s chambers. Without waiting for reply Twilight burst into the room.
She found herself face to face with Celestia who stood roomcenter, bemounted by Prince Tajrahaz, the new diplomat from Yakkul. His eyes were wide with alarm – he could tell their coupling was not going well and didn’t know what to do to salvage the situation. And the fact that Equestria’s standing army, under the command of the princess he was failing to please or impress, outclassed Yakkul’s military by magnitudes could not have helped his performance anxiety.
Celestia turned her head and spoke to him over her shoulder.
“You may go.”
She made no effort to hide her boredom as he withdrew and dismounted.
The prince tried to leave with dignity but he was clearly in a hurry to escape.
“Teacher! Say something nice to the poor guy. He’s so terrified of you I think he’s gonna wee himself.”
Celestia took deep breath, closed her eyes with forced patience, and spoke.
“Young Prince Tajrahaz, you have very much to learn of bedroom matters. But thank you for your attempt. If you like, we shall continue ‘private discussions’ another time.” She took another slow, deep, breath. “Try to relax. I won’t eat you in any blood and bones literal sense of the word…”
“Th-Thank you, Highness. I promise to do better, for the honor of Yakkul.” Less tense now, he bowed and left the Royal chamber.
“…probably,” Celestia added dourly after the door closed.
“Now, Twilight, my nocturnal and diligent student, please tell me what do you need in the middle of the night so much that you had to interrupt that little fiasco? Not that I don’t thank you for the excuse to end it, but I haven’t gotten laid in your lifetime. The yaks, bless their furry, superstitious, hides, sent me an ickle virgin princeling as if I had demanded a blood sacrifice. What I need right now is a terrible hoary old goat of a War-General who knows how to service a lady of standing. I’m looking for bruises and broken furniture not weak tea and sighs.”
“Princess, what did you call Tangent and me before you opened the portal to his world?”
“I think you heard me well enough. This is why I do not tell you jokes for an entire week before any important meeting. You both sware by my name as you rutted like animals. I could hardly ignore such an oathtaking. Thus, you and the human are wed.”
“Gosh, I wonder if he realizes!”
“Hopefully he was a little more attentive than you were. Did it really take you seven days to notice? Perhaps you are enjoying your honeymoon o’ermuch.”
“Fie. I have been working and only just realized what I heard. What even made you intrude on us? I masked the magic of the gender swap spell. We just wanted to have a little harmless kink before I complied with your command banishing my lover because of some half-baked legend.”
“I scarce detected the emanations of that spell, you hid your casting very effectively. Your magic continues to grow more powerful. One day yet you may have my head on a pike, oh my student.”
“Head on a pike? You should have seen Tangent’s head on my pike moments before you crashed the party.” Twilight leered “If you know what I mean.”
“I sincerely hope that whatever portion of your intellect which does not reside between your hind legs is aware that your self-regulation of social conduct leaves much to be desired at this time.” Celestia cleared her throat. “Frankly I am well impressed you pulled off a spell like that so successfully. Your fellow even smelled like a real female, hot and ready, I really must commend the skill with which you break the law. It was the lust spell after the change that forced my hoof to take immediate action. Else would I have turned a blind eye to your intimate shenanigans and discussed destiny and prophesy once you had sent him home yourself. What did you think you were at, casting something like that? It’s not as if you two did not already have a surfeit of lust going on, so mutually besotted you are.”
“What lust spell are you even talking about? The only other spell I cast was a quick teleport to somewhere I thought we might get some privacy.”
“No other spell? I felt the power draw on the astral plane. Cadance felt it, far away in the Crystal Empire. Luna’s pen-pal from the moon has written to ask what the buck we were up to down here. Princess Cadance estimates a strongly-effected area of some hundreds of kilometers centered on Ponyville. You cast it about five minutes after the gender change spell. Seconds before I arrived.”
“Hmmm, after we retreated to our private chambers, I was teasing Tangent, made him tell me exactly what he wanted me to do to him in his mare form.” Twilight sighed at the memory. “What he told me was sooooo hot, a florid fantasy of fabulous fornication. I almost came just listening to his words… You don’t think that was it?”
“I do think so. Your earthpony consort was able to tap into your power and wield it such that his sweet words to you were strongly empowered; you two were not the only pair drawn together. And perhaps you failed to notice the spell he made of his vow to you?”
“Um, well there was a lot of ‘magic’ hanging down between my hind legs about then. He pledged himself to me by your name, I caught that much.”
“I could hardly have cast a stronger spell than whatever he did with your power. Two major workings in as many minutes, by an earthpony no less.” Celestia looked thoughtful. “Hundreds of mares were affected; at least six hundred got pregnant that night, we’re still counting.”
“What‽”
Celestia laughed “You haven’t noticed, have you, my precious, beloved, myopic, love-sick-foal of a student. What has been occupying your mind for the last three days, as if I could not guess? The splash aura from his lust spell drove mares mad across the land – perhaps you’ve heard a rumor that even I have attempted to find a partner. I may have to press all skilled magic users above level three into emergency maternity training to deal with the wave of births we expect in early fall. As I said, we don’t even have a full count yet, but we know many scores of foals were conceived that night. We will need to build new schools before the population boom gets old enough to need them. The calendar for birthdays is going to be lopsided for the next century. We have a lot of work cut out for us. Even if we never see your Tangent again he has left a mark on Equestria that will not be forgotten in a thousand years.”
“Have no doubt, Princess,” Twilight spoke confidently, “I will see him again. In the mean time, I have a suggestion for you.”
“Say on.”
“Give that poor yak a real chance. He’ll learn, if you don’t scare him to death first. Or send him to an ice mine for the crime of being a beginner at the art of princess banging.”
“And you are the expert on the care and maintenance of a lover since what century?” Celestia spoke archly.
A fraction of Twilight’s restraint slipped, but not her manners, not this time. “Since the very century,” she spoke with cool, false, calm, “wherein an innocent purple mare found that Dr. Gudlun was including a libido suppressant in her vitamin shot. I discretely neglected to inquire of him by whose order he did this thing – you of all ponies will appreciate that my sense of tact is not actually non-existant. But he nigh shat himself when I confronted him. That may be indictment sufficient, methinks. If there was any doubt, I withdrew myself from treatment.”
“Oh. OH. Oh. Um, big weather we’re having?” Celestia dissembled. It would seem another well-meant action had gone wrong. Terribly wrong, disastrously wrong! Didn’t she tell him to discontinue the shots once the situation had passed? That was over a decade ago and under no circumstances should that medication be used for more than a year!
Twilight continued, “just be friendly, treat your yak nicely, teacher. You don’t even have to love him, just be nice. Somepony whom I revere deeply but who frustrates me to no end assures me that friendship is important.”
Celestia snorted, her displeasure at Twilight’s sarcasm momentarily masking her worry about the shots.
“Don’t you have a spell to break? If you can, that is. We will discuss ‘half baked’ prophesy another time. It is late, and if I am going to be hoofing myself again tonight, I am going to go find some ice-cream and have a good pout after.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“I’m letting him in.”
The door clicked and the pounding stopped.
Dammit, Bear, I thought. But he was probably right, he was always right, even when I didn’t want him to be right. And since my misadventure at the doctor’s office he had taken a more assertive approach to his role protecting me.
“Tanna! Where are you?”
Footsteps entered my domicile, passed my hiding place. He moved quietly, but not as quietly as I did.
In a silent rush I was behind him, holding a comb to his neck as though it were a weapon, “too slow, old man,” and then I wasn’t.
Mr. Landers was behind me somehow, one hand firmly holding my wrist, his strong arms immobilizing me. Carefully his hand spidered towards my fingers until he could verify that the comb I held was in fact only a comb.
“Where the hell have you been for the last month? I was afraid you’d left again without telling me.” he asked. Spinning me around to face him, he released me looked me up and down. “What’s happened to you?”
Despite being in my second trimester now, I weighed less than I had last time we met. Under Bear’s supervision I had grown lean and wiry, exercising to the limit of his instruments told him would be safe for a pregnant woman. If I had had a boyish figure before, now, excepting my belly, I was looking almost athletic.
“Well?”
“My hearing didn’t go well and I’ve been out of circulation.”
“What do you mean? Did they realize that you’re a threat to the state?”
“No.”
I wouldn't be here if that had been the outcome.
Landers silently waited for me to say more.
“The agent raped me at gunpoint.”
“Gasht and Harmon! The fuck? Are you okay? Is your daughter okay?”
“She’s fine. Physically I’m fine. Emotionally I’m kinda batshit fucked up, but I’m coping so far.”
“They usually do anomaly hearings at a doctor’s office if there’s any claim of physical transformation.”
I nodded.
“Did the doctor just let it happen?” he asked, incredulous.
“The agent made it clear that he was happy to shoot my doctor too. Then he made the doc fuck me, and raped the doctor in the ass while he did.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, “I should have insisted that you not do the hearing. We could have created you a new ident, a whole backstory where you were always female. I should have insisted!”
“I had no idea that I’d ever have the misfortune of meeting an oligarch.”
“You have to report this.”
“If I go to the enforcers he’s just going to kill me
“He’s not a member of the oligarchy.”
“I saw the seal!”
“I don’t know what you saw, but it wasn’t real. And he has to be stopped.”
“I’m going to kill him,” I said.
“No, you are not. You will file a complaint at the local anomaly office. If working within the system fails, I will entertain discussion of murder and I will see to it that you do it correctly. And Tanna?”
“Yes?”
He raised two fingers to his neck, touching the skin over his carotid artery, just below his cheekbone.
“Dammit, girl, with real intruders, you cut first—” he drew his fingers diagonally across the thick blood vessel “—and save the wisecracks for after they hit the floor and stop moving. Then you call me .”
“Yes sir.”
—
Before I attended to the filing of my complaint, there was one more detail I needed to see to. If Landers was wrong, if this was suicide, I owed Dr. Johnson a heads up that his life would be endangered too.
Locating him to do so proved challenging.
The lock of his abandoned practice failed when I tried the door; there was nothing inside the bare rooms to give any clue where he had gone. Perhaps a detailed investigation would reveal some subtil clue, but I hardly had the time or skill for that kind of detective work. On the other hand, I knew who could find him easily.
“Bear? Where’d he go?”
“He was last recognized on the way out of the city. It seems he has taken up medical practice among the Outsiders.”
“Can we find him?”
“I can. But Tanna, there’s no need to. He’s safe out there.”
“What if he wants to come back someday? I have to tell him.”
Bear paused for a moment of silence that I interpreted as being equivalent to a sigh.
“You walked past a coffee stand on your way here. Grab yourself a decaf latte and have a seat. I’ll hire you a suitably safe ride.”
—
Six shots of decaffeinated espresso didn’t leave much room for steamed milk, but it added up to about as much caffeine as one real shot. Maybe?
“If you’d sleep enough, you wouldn't need need to scramble for stimulants,” Bear offered.
“Life’s too short to sleep enough, Bear.”
I was still scowling at my coffee when an armored transport pulled up to the curb beside my table. The unit marking on its bow was 7CH.
“Your ride.”
I swilled the last dregs of a beverage which had been all dregs from the top and stood as armored troopers emerged. Apparently we had hired an entire off duty combat squad, in addition to their vehicle. They took positions, port arms and counter port arms on either side of the hatch and waited for me to enter. Expressionless helmets regarded me wordlessly as I stepped into the vehicle and found a seat to strap myself into.
—
The transport had drawn up its wheels to float over the rough ways outside the city, but now stabilizers were deploying as the craft settled.
I stepped out and found myself before a ramshackle clinic. It hardly looked like the cutting edge of medical technology, but Bear had assured me I would be taken to the correct location.
“’Pointment?” asked the teen behind the front desk, not looking up from a decrepit centrifuge. If he held the lid down just right, he might get a few more spins out of it.
“No appointment. I need to talk to Dr. Johnson. Just need a minute of his time. It’s about something that happened before he left the city.”
The teen’s eyes flickered away from the centrifuge, but didn’t travel any further up my body than my obviously pregnant belly. Mischief lit up his face.
“Ja, Docta Johns’n! Preg’mt lady here to see you, she say th’ bugger be your’n!”
I waited at the desk until Johnson emerged from an exam room.
“I didn’t say that.”
“I know, this joker has zero respect for his elders and he gets away with it ‘cos he keeps my lab equipment running. If you’re here for a checkup, I’ll have to ask you to get in line.”
“I just need to talk to you for a minute. One minute.”
“As you see, I have a busy practice. Is it anything you can’t say in front of my patients?”
The small waiting room was comfortably crowded, and most of the Outsider patients at least pretended not to be listening.
I didn’t care what they might hear – I wasn’t going to be spilling any secrets.
“I’m going to report what happened at my hearing. I came here to warn you just in case he was telling the truth about hunting us down. I don’t want to cause you trouble if you ever go back to the city.”
“I’ll die before I go back, but thanks for the warning. Are you okay taking the chance yourself?”
“I have a very convincing advisor who insists that Angstrom was lying.”
“You know, life outside of city isn’t so bad. You could just bail out of the system, be free,” he said. The patients were trying even harder to appear disinterested as they listened intently. “We have a pretty good system out here, no monitoring. Real food, not always enough, but no FSBs. Weather, honest weather.” There was an unexpected hopeful note to the observation.
“Wait a second, are you trying to ask me to stay with you?”
“I don’t have a lot to offer, but— no, I can see you’re not interested.”
“I still believe my husband will come back.”
“Okay. If you ever need somewhere safe to go, we can always make room for one more. And there won’t be any further offers.”
“Thank you, Doctor. I better let you get back to work.”
“My name’s Scott.”
“Thank you, Scott.”
I stepped closer to hug him; my body reacted on its own, somehow my flesh recognized our physical history, more than what we had both survived.At the last instant I veered.
“Eat some real veggies,” he said after the kiss, “not just those damn bars. And I want to see your baby sometime, you hear?”
—
The transport landed to drop me off within noncommittally convenient walking distance of home. Once out, I would cut through the lobby of an arcology which fell under a mutual reciprocity treaty with my own, cut through the market, circle back again and peer down from a skybridge to check if my arrival had garnered any curiosity. As I disembarked the entire crew –pilot, EWO, five troopers– stood at attention on either side of the hatch. The pilot saluted.
Still not a word had been spoken.
No doubt Bear would see that they were suitably compensed for their effort but it seemed louche to simply walk away, treating them like machines or worse. There were rumors about the mil-clades, but the rumors couldn't all be true.
I faced the crew.
“Thank you for the ride.”
They were all statues, save one of the enlisted soldiers – PFC Carota, his name tag said.
He reached up and removed the helmet from his power armor, revealing tight orange corn-rows, pale freckled face and a buck-toothed grin.
“Our pleasure, ma’am.”
He looked pretty damn human to me.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Through the rain I walked from the transit point to the address Mr. Landers had directed me to and found that I was expected.
I half expected to be disbelieved, or arrested, or to find myself facing my rapist again.
Instead, Bob Call, the senior officer at the Anomaly Agency branch personally took my statement. With an increasing display of agitation, he made notes as the autoscribe processed my words into an actionable complaint. When I was done he asked a series of questions cross-checking the internal consistency of my statement, taking further notes, and dispatching commands.
“These are serious charges, and we do take them seriously. I can assure your that Angstrom is not secretly a member of the Oligarchy. If you’ll please sign here and swipe your ID card to affirm your testimony, I will personally see to it that an investigation is begun immediately. We’ll need a cheek swab too, I’ll take you to medical after you auth– ah, thank you.”
I handed the tablet back after applying my signature and key hash.
“This way please.” He led me through hallways. “Do you require any counseling or mental health support?”
“I did, four months ago. It’s kinda moot now. I just need to make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone else like he did me.”
—
In Canterlot Castle, Celestia met privately with Doctor Gudlun.
“You specifically said until further notice, your Highness.”
“Oh, dear Mother, I did say that, didn’t I?”
“Yes, Princess, I am quite sure of it, it’s in her chart.”
“The treatment should have ended back in ten twenty two, once we got that mesmerizer of young ponies captured.”
Merely throwing away the key had been insufficient for the perpetrator of certain crimes. His cell door had been welded closed and an entire wing of the dungeon abandoned, walled off, other wards renumbered to disguise the fact that one was missing.
“Crap,” said the doctor.
Gudlun recalled to whom he was speaking.
“Uh, your Highness.”
“Crap indeed, Doctor. But none of it falls on you, this is my mistake. By my father’s horn, it is no wonder Twilight is so enraged, rather it is a wonder she has not struck me down.”
“Your Highness!” He was shocked by the suggestion. “Princes Twilight worships you! Wroth or naught! If she kills me for this, I deserve no less, but she will never raise her hoof against you!”
“Forgive me, doctor, I slipped into erroneous hyperbole in the extravagance of my regret for her suffering. I harbor no doubts whatsoever about Princess Twilight’s loyalty to the throne. And should she return to slay you, tell her that I have pardoned you and that she must not strike you unless she defeat me first.”
“Understood.” He bobbed his head as though given a command. “I will not repeat your words.”
“Eh?” she replied. “I should hope not, the last thing I need is Twilight thinking that I suspect her of actual treachery. Doctor, what I do need is for you to find out if there are any health implications from being on the suppressant for so long. Please prioritize this task.”
“Yes, your Highness.”
Celestia groaned to herself after dismissing the doctor from the royal presence, “I wonder what else I’ve done to rouse her just anger.”
The situation with Twilight’s lover made so much more sense now. The abrupt end of the treatment had driven Twilight into the embrace of one who appeared in a very chancy prophesy, forcing the sun princess to separate two ponies that she herself had inadvertently brought together. Celestia wondered if she had ruined everything in a very literal sense. The stupid male probably meant no harm; but always the echo of the seer’s voice lurked at the edge of her memory. If Celestia’s mistake caused Twilight to turn her hoof to evil, would the devastation be limited to this one small galaxy?
“Oh, Twilight,” she whispered as tears threatened to start, “what have I done to you?”
—
The sky had cleared when I emerged from the Anomaly Agency headquarters, but the sun had dipped below the horizon.
At least from surface level – many of the buildings overhead were still illuminated on their upper reaches. I was filled with an irrational need to feel the sunlight on my skin. If I hurried I could take the elevator up to the top of the city viewpoint where the light still shone.
The observation deck was in shadow by the time I got there, but the sunlight was only just out of reach.
I climbed up onto the railing where Twilight had stood last time I was here. She must have been crazy, hanging her ass over the void while I ate her pussy. I smiled at the memory, but it was a long way to the ground.
“Don’t worry, baby,” I patted my belly “we’re just here to steal a blessing…”
I reached up over my head and found that the last rays just kissed my fingertips. Stretching, reaching, standing on my toes, I put my hand fully into the golden glow and gripped at the light. Almost tangible and solid, I squeezed it until it ran down my arm. I closed my eyes against tears and stood holding my prize aloft, a frail Prometheus with a fistful of holy fire, light running between my fingers to drip from my elbow. As I lowered my hand to my chest, I spread my fingers over my heart, felt the glow soak through my skin. Sunlight, holy fire, pulsed in my blood, crept into my very bones.
“Mother Sol, I yearn for the light of another star, please convey my words—” my prayer went forth as the light faded “—Celestia forgive me. This world will destroy me, forgive me please, take me home to Twilight.”
My tears redoubled and I stood there swaying on the railing as the first stars came out.
I took a deep breath.
—
Celestia almost made to back to her chambers before the tears escaped.
“I am not to be disturbed,” she choked out to the guards as she bolted through the ornate doors and magically slammed them behind her.
With a flip of magic she tossed her tiara onto its cushion. Just once it would have been cathartic to throw it at the wall, stomp the gold metal to ruin, crush the singular amethyst on the brow into dust, to let her sorrow transmute into anger and throw a real tantrum. But that would just cause more trouble for ponies she served and she had already caused enough trouble for one life, even a life as long as hers. Instead she flopped onto her bed and buried her head under her pillow to sob in earnest.
“Your Highness?”
Celestia scrambled back to her hooves.
Who could be here?
Servants or assassins? Neither made any sense.
The yak!
She had implied that another attempt could be in the offing – did he take those words as her command? It was a reasonable mistake to make.
Sure enough, the yak was there, sitting in a chair by the window, she had not seen him in the dash to her bed.
To his mind, she was the most powerful pony alive, the very hoof of the pony goddess. And here she was weeping like a brokenhearted maid. Gone was his fear, his desire to escape – the entire scene reversed from his dreading.
“You may leave, Prince,” she said, unable to meet his eyes. “I apologize for dragging you into something you don’t want. I am as much an overbearing failure in the bedroom as I am a failure at taking care of my ponies, my student, my—”
“Princess.”
The yak had risen silently and Celestia realized he was suddenly standing very close. He smelled boldly masculine; not like a stallion, but pleasant. A little wild . His nearness was unexpectedly comfortable.
“Princess,” he repeated, “a simple yak knows nothing of the great matters that weigh upon you. But this simple yak knows the beat a heart in need. I would stay, if you allow me.”
“How long would you stay?” she asked with unwonted timidity.
“I am but mortal, Princess. I can offer you the rest of my life, no more; so many days as are mine to give.”
“And when you die? I have watched generations pass like the spring rain.”
“Let it be my life’s work to give you such love as even my death cannot diminish you.”
“Almost, Prince, almost you win me. But what of duty? If duty should draw you from my side ere death call you away?”
“Duty has broken more hearts than yours and mine,” he said simply. “As the eleventh son, and that by an unpopular mother, whichever of my ten brothers finds himself on our father’s throne, he will sit happier if I never set hoof in Yakarachi again. But if duty calls, you know that in that case this life is no longer mine to give.”
“I accept your offer, O son of Yakkul, and I would like to start over as if the disaster last night had never happened. Please allow me to introduce myself.”
Celestia cleared her throat. Her face was still tear stained, but in the naked vulnerability of her expression there was simple, equine, peace that nopony ever realized was lacking.
“I am Celestia, a diarch of Equestria. I love my little ponies, but in the cold watches of the night I am a very lonely mare.”
The yak prince spoke gravely.
“I am Tajrahaz Burrcoat of Yakkul, a minor prince of a unimportant land. And for once I find meaning in this life.”
Their lips met.
—
“Sir, she’s gonna jump!”
The surveillance tech pointed at one of his displays, the woman he had tracked was climbing onto the viewpoint rail.
“The inquiry goes on even if the complainant suicides. Do we have any assets close enough to intervene?”
“I can have a shared asset on site in eleven minutes. Dispatch?” the tech’s hand hovered over a button.
“Dispatch but don’t engage unless I give the word. In eleven minutes I think she’ll figure it out one way or the other.”
“Roger that, I have a female officer en route. She’s a veteran, with commendations for suicide talk-downs. I’m uploading R.O.E. …and she’s confirmed. No contact unless we give the order.”
For a moment they watched.
“She’s not gonna kill herself,” Bob said confidently. “I’d ask her out if an agent under my direct report hadn’t raped her.”
“You think Angstrom did it?”
With half of the watch staff already pulling his records for Justice, it was no secret what he was accused of.
“I don’t doubt it for a fucking minute. And I bet he has a log and trophies at his dom’. He’s methodical like that and he’ll convict himself. I’ve sworn out an inter-agency warrant based on her complaint. The doctor has gone offline weeks ago, but his scheduling service confirms that all three were present at the time of the alleged attack. I predict Justice will have the foundation for a solid conviction nailed down inside of two hours and a judgment within a week. I’ll file to delay execution until we can review every case he has ever worked, to look for other victims. That’s if he’s lucky enough to get a death sentence for this.”
“And if he isn’t lucky?”
“I’m going to fucking murder him.”
“What’s she doing?”
“Just watch her.”
Unaware of her remote audience, she gathered up a handful of sunlight and squeezed it in her fist. She bowed her head as in prayer; rivulets of fire slipped between the fingers of her upraised fist to run down her arm.
“Whoa…” the tech was breathless with awe.
“She’s the real deal, the one we’ve been watching for for centuries. Not some random citizen who happened to do three lines and hallucinate magical pastel ponies, she has power.”
As she lowered her hand the light she held was eclipsed by her body.
“She came to us of her own accord and that tow-headed freak raped her.”
“Four minutes, sir.”
—
“That was not at all what I was expecting,” she said, after.
“Have I disappointed your majesty?”
“Not at all, my prince.”
“Am I your prince now, pony?”
“Indeed you are,” Celestia said with a warm smile, “so long as that is what you want to be.”
“There is nothing I want more, Princess.”
Tajrahaz snuggled closer to the mare who had been the leader of the free world for centuries before his great great great grand-sire ascended the throne of Yakkul. Since tribal times before Yakkul even had a throne to ascend. She held the power to reshape the world in her hooves and he spooned against her with love.
“I am sorry, but beard has to go,” she said, twitching where copper coloured hairs tickled between her shoulder and wing shoulder.
“This boon I grant freely.” His tone was casually off-hoof, but she knew how proud yaks (even their females) were of their beards. And she knew enough of their culture to recognize that her itchy enemy would be considered an unusually fine example for a yak of his youth.
“You are generous, O lover. I, too, can be generous.” Celestia licked her lips seductively. “As soon as you are ready—” she felt a very ready prod “—oh my!”
—
There was a brief flare of light as the last of the stolen sunlight soaked into my shadowed skin.
The memory of rape was never more than a twitch of thought away: at any instant the slightest mental misstep brought the horror into the present.
Temporarily blinded by the sudden darkness, the abyss at my feet was an infinite void, bottomless.
Recounting the intimate details one by one as I made my statement, I had relived the brutal experience infinitely more intensely than any number of unwelcome flashbacks.
I stepped over the edge.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Here, in the Outside, I ran to ground like a feral creature. Months after reporting the crime against me, my body told me that I would give birth soon and raw instinct led me on a fugueish departure. In the forest outside the city walls, away from the illegal village of outcasts, I found a hideout in the basement of an empty foundation. Almost no trace of the above ground structure remained, but cracked wall had tilted, leaving my corner protected, a dry, shallow, cave.
I would do this alone.
Or die trying, Doubt whispered in my ear; I didn’t listen. I had seen her, my daughter, galloping under a distant star and that vision of the future was no less real to me than the air I breathed. As the pain increased I took hold of faith and did not let go of that power.
—
Power crackled around her horn, a roseate glow.
It was coming together, the magic was, it had to be.
She had studied so much that she must be near to a breakthrough –not that her results gave any indication of one.
But sooner or later she’d bust through and collect her lost pony and bring him home. Hopefully he wasn’t getting bored in his boring old world.
Had he caught Celestia’s oblique turn of phrase declaring them wed? A far cry from meeting him at the centre of the national cathedral in Canterlot for a public ceremony, but despite her current thaumaturgical challenges, the knowledge that they were married was something she could smile about.
Maybe she was working too hard, maybe she should take a break and rest. But for now it was time to try a different sequence.
Another setback would be too much.
—
“Much delay, anypony? Doesn’t she have it figured out yet? What’s taking so long? You should help her.”
“It’s really not at all the kind of magic I can help her with, any more than she can sew a dress that doesn’t look like a lampshade.”
“I hope he’ll, um, be okay waiting for her.”
“She’s tryin’, she’s tryin’. Dang if I can tell if she’s tryin’ hard enough.”
“All this waiting is no fun! It’s making me worry a little.”
—
Little sis was lying about something, that much was clear. Lying, or omitting some crucial detail.
Even if he had chosen, and promised, to trust her judgment, he still wanted to check her stallion friend out himself. That was a big brother’s responsibility, after all. Did this outsider have any idea how fortunate he was, landing a princess? Rank and royalty be damned, this was his little sister and he sure hoped the stranger wasn’t some loser.
He would trust sis, but verify.
Another thought, what about her worries about the transformation, it was a good question.If she had turned him into a pony, was he still a pony back in the human world? He chuckled at the thought of Equestrian magic shaking the human’s life up with a persisting transformation. That would certainly be an unexpected change.
—
Change had come to one of the royal suites.Nothing extreme, but now it was their rooms, where it had been merely hers for a thousand years, and it showed. The ponies of the castle staff had seen many things in their generations of tending to royal needs, but this was the first time a consort had moved into the Princess’ own chambers.
The fallout of a strange pony’s magical accident had brought changes to the decor.A sturdy carved chest full of yakish garments, a portrait of the king of Yakkul in the parlor, a rough battle axe now hanging beside the elegant golden sword. And two pillows on the bed.
Surely this magic would have far reaching repercussions, and none could imagine what he might be up to now. Surely much more would change, but nopony could guess how.
—
How much should he tell her, he wondered. Honestly, if she was merely suspected of knowing even of tenth of what he could reveal, she’d be in more danger than if she actually possessed the forbidden knowledge. Without certain facts, she would be unable to appease interrogators whose methods would grow ever more insistent. With these keys, not to mention some luck and guidance, she might avoid raising suspicion in the first place.
Until she was able to rise up and complete a task begun long ago.
It seemed inevitable that he would have to tear down his carefully constructed wall of secrecy just a little further, as soon as the time was right.
But for now, she was missing again.
Dammit.
—
“Dammit, she’s out of range,” he said. “Wipe the search, she obviously doesn’t want to be found.”
A captured frame of video feed was frozen on the display. She was only an out of focus blur, dark against the washed out light blearing into an access tunnel. In the next frame, she was gone.
“Yessir. Do you think she’ll be okay? It’s dangerous out there.”
“You remember how much she changed? She’s not the same girl who Angstrom mistook for an easy victim.”
“But why the Outside?”
“Think about it. Last time she went to a city doctor. You know what.”
—
“What d’ya think those kids from the water park are up to these days?”
blaaat
blaaat
blaaat
“Nice shooting.”
The blueish skinned alien was pinned down by repeated bursts of small arms fire, allowing time for—
“Let’s do this.” The machine-gunner’s teammate flipped a protective cover back and keyed an arming code. “Cover me.”
blaaa—
BLOOMPH
—aaat
“You’ve been dying to use that smartfrag.”
The steerable burst shrapnel munition lofted over their opponent's position had decisively ended the encounter.
“Yessssh, I have been. Betcha a pack of smokes they’re in the family way.”
“Uh huh, high stakes there, for a sure bet like that, really high.”
—
High above the city, a courtesan peered into the gathering darkness.
Wearing nothing but the shoes which caused her to present her ass just so , and the semen slicking her thighs, she was backlit, easily seen by anybody who happened to look up. But nobody ever looked up in the city.
Change was afoot tonight and she sensed that it was more than just the fact that she would be taking on a new patron. Something, out there in the city or beyond, was going to change everything.
Her current, really former now, partner had skulked uffishly away after sex. The blunt indifference with which he had fucked her suggested that he knew that his usefulness had been tapped out. Leaving before a more powerful individual took his place was only rational.
—
Rational analysis suggested that a human might obtain a certain amount of sardonic amusement from the situation. Free of such emotive taints to his thoughts, he was nevertheless keenly aware that it was sub-optimal to have her out of his immediate supervision and protection.
The odds of running into anything truly dangerous were low, but not low enough for his liking.
He could see close to everything through the borrowed eyes of satellites, but not close enough.
Eventually, she would be able to protect herself, but for now there were some physical precautions he could take.
His hired agents maintained their distance, prowling the overgrown streets of a long vanished suburb on their patrol.
—
Patrol jobs in the woods were a boring way to spend an off-duty night, but it brought the squad some extra income. Their current employer had always proven very reliable. Clear objectives, detailed rules of engagement, refreshingly honest threat assessments, and prompt, generous payment. There was, of course, no proof that this was the same client that they had served in the past, but the whole squad thought so, and didn’t speculate further.
Promoted two grades to chief gunner on the combat vehicle after a friendly fire training accident (had their day-job military commanders put them in harm’s way on purpose? It sure looked like it. Another reason to appreciate these outside contracts) the redheaded soldier watched the multispectral scanner attentively.
There was no sign of anything to actually guard against, neither man nor beast nor the more dangerous in-between. But he stayed on task and kept the scan running.
—
Running an Outsider clinic kept the new village doctor busier than he had ever been in his old city practice. Busier, ill supplied, under equipped, and more satisfied than he had ever been before.
He had cut all ties with his old life and there was nothing that he regretted leaving behind.
Except.
“I wonder if that girl is okay, staying in that fucking rat warren.”
“Hmmm?”
“Must be about her time.”
—
Time, from the divine perspective of the concept, was a complex thing, no simple linear here-to-there. Multiple threads of the possible pasts could have lead to any given moment; infinite threads of possibility diverged outward. The holy sight perceived these all together, one fabric of both reality and potential. But the focus, thenow , there was only one now , a mystic cusp where mortal mind dwelt. Limited in perspective, but limitless in scope of effect.
Divine sight was fogged by the possibilities; it was mortal choice that picked what became the next now .
A human female groaned again. On this now balanced great swaths of the future, a degree of variability too great for even the divine to comprehend. Almost.
—
Almost invisible and forgotten, I completed my preparations. Mundane supplies, and what charms I could muster, were close at hand.
Nine months had slipped past; how much time would that amount to Equestria? One day? A month?
Another contraction shook me, my daughter’s birth was coming, she was almost here.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
A blueness and greenness, a thrumming diffuse mentality, a watching: she saw everything on Terra.
She was the world. Not the magma-cored ball of rock, she was the spirit, the breath, the collective gestalt field of a rich biosphere. Ascended, born as the divine.
She was the Allmother.
In this age few of her children worshiped the absolute, concrete, reality of her presence but her love was undiminished. The madding crowd knew not their loss, nor their need. Still she labored for their salvation, a distant drumbeat swelling towards freedom.
Until her people would throw off the yoke of tyranny and unfaith, she waited, seeing all, watching all.
She watched an infant growing, cradled beneath her mother’s heart for nine moons. Through crisis and catharsis, from the horror of rape to holy fire and a flight through the darkness, Gaia was with them as the hammer of fate created a weapon of destiny. The soul tested in this forge was strengthened to endure much.
When the time came, the young mother forsook doctors and hospitals. Rather she hied her to a nest in the wood far beyond the city and gave birth in secret there.
The great mother smiled as the grubby, exhausted, woman held a squalling girl-child to her breast. Tiny lips took their sustenance and tears of joy fell like rain.
—
“Well, you’re both in perfect health.”
Dr. Johnson had found me on the doorstep of his Outsider clinic when I pounded the door late at night. Seeing the newborn in my arms, he led me into a exam room. Today was the fifth day since my daughter’s birth and we would be returning to the city. This stop was merely a way point on our return and his checkup a formality supporting what I already knew.
“I’d like to see you put on a little weight, but otherwise, no complaints. You didn’t tell me her father is purple.”
She was nursing again as I stared at the ceiling. Johnson gazed approvingly at her industrious suction.
“You didn’t want to hear about magic. She obviously didn’t get that from me.”
Gloam –for so I had named my daughter– had inherited a lighter version of my mocha colouration, but there was an unmistakable purple cast from her father. When she wasn’t eating or sleeping, she perused the world around her her with lively, curious, eyes.
“Your hair is purple,” he said. “Obviously not dye.”
Once more I spread on an exam table, this time for a post partum exam. If I’d had dark roots under a dye job, he couldn't have missed seeing them.
“I can confirm that the purple skin tone is from her father.”
“Any word from him?” he asked, gesturing me to stand.
“Nada damned thing. But I still believe.”
“Good girl.” He patted my bum, scarcely covered by a frayed and patched backless exam gown. “Anyway, we don’t have an autowash, but throw on some scrubs and I’ll have your clothes clean in the morning. Eat something and get some rest.”
A woman entered, bearing a steaming bowl. One of her arms had been been replaced with an angular cybernetic replacement with too many joints and a three-digitted grasper that looked nothing like the human hand it substituted for.
Johnson surveyed the contents of the bowl with evident satisfaction.
“Mama Ook’s goat head gumbo will keep you alive!”
“Mama Ook?” I asked, intrigued by the odd name.
“Ook! Ook!” the enigmatic woman exclaimed.
“Does she speak?” I gasped.
The doctor laughed as Ook expanded on her previous remark.
“I have a PhD in Standard Terran Literature, twenty second century.” Her voice was a rough contralto. “I can talk just fine if I have something worth saying.” She began preparing the exam table to double as my cot for the night. “Otherwise, all you’ll get from me is ‘ook’.”
“What happened to your arm?” I asked around a savory mouthful. “Thith’s hella good.”
“If your right hand ties you to murderous tyrants, cast it away, it is better to walk with Gaia maimed and broken than to burn whole.”
“What?”
“I cut my hand off because I used to be a member of the Oligarchy. I didn’t know how to take care of the wound and lost the rest of my arm to an infection that should have killed me. Doc here—” she waved her prosthetic at the doctor as he left the room “—found me and fixed me up better than new. This thing—” she clacked the manipulator “—came out of an organ harvester. It was about to harvest me .” She drew her shirt up, revealing a scar that ran from her clavicular notch, between her breasts, and disappeared under the waistband of her worn scrubs. “Damned machine was ready to split me open from collar to clit!”
The intended instrument of her demise served her well now. The mechanical portion started where her shoulder joint had been, continued through three elbows to the manipulator. The flexibility was far beyond the abilities of a traditional human arm, not to mention being a good ten centimeters longer than her flesh arm.
Gloam finished nursing around the same time I was done eating, releasing my nipple as I scraped up the last of the gravy. Carefully I lay her in the cradle Ook had provided as she told me about her arm.
With a belly full of hot stew, and my daughter sleeping off her own meal, I realized that I too needed rest.
A blanket awaited; Mama Ook had gathered up my bowl and was headed to the door.
“You and Scott?” I asked, pointlessly. Her glow told me everything.
“Ook,” she affirmed.
“Good, I’m glad.”
—
Something had changed, something more monumental than exchanging one bed-mate for the next, more useful, one. Cock, no matter the size, shape, shade, frequency, or owner, was simply cock: boring. Another rung in her social rise. But this ascent, what was it good for?
There was another role she had left behind, and the ache of what she had lost still haunted her.
Keep climbing, she told herself. Maybe from the top she would see what to do next.
—
Twilight Velvet punched the dough down vigorously. Where was that daughter of hers and why hadn’t Twilight taken the time to visit and officially reveal that she was seeing somepony? Years of not pestering the young princess about grandfoals, and this was her reward? She tried to respect Twilight’s privacy, but if she didn’t at least share what she had learned with Nightlight, she was gonna bust. Eight foals, she chuckled. She knew her daughter better than that, but it was an appealing notion.
There was one other authority she might consult about the matter, but instinct warned her not to.
—
“This is the gal,” Ook said of the sleeping patient, “you told me about. From before you left the city.”
“Yeah. She’s toughened up a bit since then.”
“I can see that. I’d bet my other arm she’s gonna kill the asshole who did you two.”
“You aren’t jealous of her, are you?”
“Hah! Jealous for getting raped with you? Even if you two had been actual lovers afterwards, I don’t think so. I know what my people are like, I don’t envy any of that.”
“Shhh, Ooki, they aren’t your people any more.” He placed a hand on her shoulder, at the junction of flesh and metal. “The Outsiders are your people. Misfits like Tanna and I are your people. Our baby is your people.” His hand slipped down, brushing her bosom before resting on her belly. She wasn’t showing yet, but he could tell. “Not those monsters. I’m going go start some laundry, meet you back in bed.”
They kissed and parted, but only for a few moments.
—
Gaia, watching still, was present as woman and infant slept.
“You will go far little one,” Gaia spoke silently, her heart moved with compassion, one mother to another, “though your wandering will take you far from my bosom. Your daughter, too, will soar beyond reckoning. But you, you will go far, and far, and when the hour is come I will serve you after you have slipped my chains, though you find yourself beyond all other help. But nothing I ever can do will earn the right for me to ask what will need to ask of you one day.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Posting next week's chapter early, as promised. Now, i'm off to Sasquatch country to find Bighoof! (Uh, if i don't make it back alive, "The End". If i do make it back, there will be a bit more.)
63-Twilight & Tension
Twilight stalked grumpily through Canterlot Castle. Celestia’s tacit acknowledgment of the surreptitious medical treatment she had experienced neither answered all of her questions nor appeased her anger. The wrongness of it, and the lack of explanation further aggravated her sense of outrage. Twilight found her resolve to silently accept what had been done to her was slipping. But perhaps she could set the matter aside for now. The reckoning would come eventually. For now, best to avoid her Highness Celestia and focus on the task at hoof.
Another fortnight of hard research had not even begun to unravel the barrier keeping her away from that which she desired, him whom she desired. After four weeks, she should have had some results. It didn’t help her mood that many of the tomes she must needs consult were housed in the same castle as the pony she least wanted to see right now.
“Princess, you have a black eye!” Twilight blurted in surprise.
She had nearly collided with Celestia at an intersection of hallways – so much for avoidance.
“I do?” the diarch chuckled, “heh, I guess I probably do.”
Celestia was grinning – she was even more luminous than usual. How irritating.
“And there are splinters in your mane!”
“Lets go find some coffee! Maybe I can get you to cast Minor Heal on my eye before Taj’ wakes up.”
And maybe Twilight might be receptive to the full apology Celestia had on the tip of her tongue. A wonderful night with her yak, and now an opportunity to clear things up and explain the roots of her mistake to Twilight. Who could ask for more?
“Are you okay your Highness?”
“As good as I’ve been in decades.”
Celestia felt like the corners of her smile were in danger of meeting at the back of her head.
“In that case,” Twilight declared archly, “I will resume being mad at you since for some reason my lover is stuck on another world instead of bucking me hornfirst through the furniture.” She turned, stomping as she paced back down the hallway the way she had come.
“But, Twilight—” Celestia called after her.
“Good morning, Princess.” Twilight’s back radiated icy rage.
Celestia frowned now; being at odds with her star pupil did not sit well with her. Afterglow ruined, she went in search of caffeine and a discreet healer.
—
The pale coated mare at the far end of the hallway watched intently. Waiting between two statues she was practically invisible to the two princesses. She had hoped Twilight would walk past her in moment; instead the the violet mage had retreated back towards the royal library – a place the waiting mare did not have access.
And what had the two alicorns argued about? It was too far away to hear, but their body language spoke volumes. Something was not sitting well between them.
Perhaps this was an opportunity.
—
Celestia’s black eye was healed, but she was still frowning when she returned to her chambers.
“Coffee incoming, my Prince,” she prodded Tajrahaz gently in the haunch. “Wakey, wakey.”
He blinked awake where he lay amid the wreckage of an armoire which had succumbed to their enthusiastic lovemaking.
“My lady? I was hoping for a rematch, but your bearing informs me otherwise.”
“You were wonderful last night,” she said and kissed his cheek as he rose, “or was it this morning? I’ve just had a little tiff with the pony I hope will succeed me one day. It has put a damper on my mood, but I still–” rather than complete the sentence she turned to kiss him again. But Tajrahaz was too quick – he dodged and licked the side of her face with his broad, wet, tongue.
“Still what, o Princess of ponies?” he murmured, lips pressed against the side of her face.
The most powerful mortal entity on the planet was almost demure when she answered.
“Still love you,” she said, “even though I am currently upset by Twilight’s behavior. She is not entirely to blame, I made a terrible mistake, trying to protect her when she was young.”
Her face reddened as the yak prince gently nibbled and tugged at her ear.
“Look at me now!” she laughed merrily, “blushing like a wee filly in her second century…”
Still the prince nibbled and nuzzled her. Without moving his lips from her, he had sidled around to stand as if he might mount again should she prove amicable to the thought.
“Look,” she repeated, “look and behold what effect you have on the mighty Celestia! Remember this moment always, nopony can take it from us.”
“I’d like you to remember this next moment, by your leave, Princess.”
He was quite ready.
“No-no-no-no, I hear a coffee trolley in the hall. I have wonderfully discreet domestic staff, but let us not shock them unduly.”
The prince sighed theatrically.
“Loyal and dependable staff are a treasure, and worthy of respect. Must I then release your most puissant ear?” he mumbled with his lips still delicately holding said body part.
“Only until they leave, dear.” A deferential knock sounded and the door began to open. “Look, croissants. And redberry jam from your homeland.”
Stepping to the cart, Tajrahaz nodded an amiable dismissal to the servant; she bowed placidly out of the royal presences.
“You like redberry, my pony?” he asked as he set cups on saucers.
“I love it. My Twilight introduced me to it. We do not always find it easy to get this far from Yakkul, but she always takes redberry when she can get it. Are you having coffee, my prince? I recommend it, considering the amount of sleep we got.”
“Chocolate, love. None of that bitter pony-brew for me if you please.”
“Oh! So sorry dear, I didn’t think to ask that they send any up…”
Prince Tajrahaz was already pouring himself hot chocolate from the second of the two china pots on the trolley.
“Wonderful beyond measure, indeed, your staff are.” And how quickly they had adapted to the royal suite’s new resident! “How will you take your coffee?”
“Two sugar, two cream, please. You can hardly call that bitter, my sweet.”
“Heh.” He stirred, and offered Celestia her coffee. “What caused you this conflict with your would-be heir unapparent?”
Now her Highness sighed wistfully.
“The same matter I told you of, this lover of hers and the convolutions that led to their meeting.”
“Will he really destroy everything? In the scryer’s words, it is Equestria alone in peril or the whole world?”
“I do not know of a certainty. The best that I can hope for is that she will defeat my spell and I will give her the crown and he will be a strong pillar at her side. But there are other courses where the river of time may yet flow. On the darkest of these he may hold Equestria’s fate in his hooves and on that day two Alicorns will taste death. You know I would willingly die for Equestria. But who else is doomed that day? I will not bargain Twilight’s life, nor my sister’s. Nor may I risk Equestria’s fate in the hooves of one I am not utterly sure of. The one who will stand true beside her is supposed to be separated from her for almost two hooffuls years. She may already be close to breaking my spell; yet it has been only short weeks.”
“These matters are surely all of a tangle, my love.”
“What will her parents say, that I have allowed her to become so entangled?” The Princess wore a pained expression at the thought of another necessary confession. They surely assumed that the medication was halted once the danger passed – a perfectly reasonable assumption. She didn’t even need for them to complain: she knew that she had let them down in her guardianship of Twilight. “I was meant to be her mentor, not to push her into courting destruction.”
“I should like to meet this fellow, someday.” Tajrahaz rubbed his chin idly; there was no longer a beard there to tug at.
“My spells notwithstanding, I am sure you will get the chance. I do not believe the dark abyss will swallow this one. Do you wish to judge him for yourself? Or perhaps to thank him?”
“Probably both.”
“I will try again to speak to her this evening. If she will only hear me, perhaps ill will be averted. If she but waits, all changes. Seven short years, for the sake of Equestria, is it too much to ask?”
—
By evening, Twilight was on her way back to Ponyville. She would take a few days to work the fruits of her latest research, her notes from the lore housed in Canterlot Castle, into a cohesive theory of how a high level inter-dimensional barrier spell might be structured. And the note begging her to meet after sun-down only increased her resolve to leave the capitol.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“I wasn’t sure if I’d see you here.”
I was back at AAHQ, per the summons I had received. Almost a year had passed since I reported my rape.
“I sent the boys round with a spatula,” Bob Call continued.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“I had you followed when you left. You were up on the top of the city observation deck; the officer said you jumped, but we didn’t find a body. Would you care to comment?”
Dammit, how had I been followed and not noticed? Something was wrong about that. Had the officer following me seen me steal fistful of holy fire from the last rays of the setting sun? Or witnessed my use of the Soft Landing spell when I touched down, blocks away? How could he not, and if so, why didn’t Bob ask about that ?
“I’m sure it was nothing anomalous,” I bluffed.
He frowned, but did not question further.
“We have reviewed your testimony and obtained corroborating evidence. Officer Angstrom has pleaded guilty, so there was no need to call you to the stand.”
“Then what do you need me for now?”
“To pull the trigger.”
“Me?”
“You have first right to execute him since you made us aware that we had a criminal in our ranks. Routine procedure.”
He handed me a pistol shaped device. The end of barrel presented an energy transducer instead of an aperture for projectiles.
“Right on the temple, it’s instantaneous and perfectly humane. We left a mark for you. If you don’t want to do this, we’ll turn him over to the Oligarchy’s Special Enforcers. They just love people who pretend to be them and his bodycam got a clear shot of the fake seal he wore. They’ll skin him alive for that alone.”
“I can do it. I wouldn’t have bothered filing the charges if I wasn’t serious.”
I stepped into the execution chamber and looked at the humane killer in my hand. Above the trigger was a lever with three marks: an ‘X’, a single dot, and a dashed line. I moved the lever from the dot to the dashed line and turned to face my rapist.
He looked rough. Bruises, a bit of blood, and the angle of one of his arms was not right where it was strapped to the chair. I had to hand it to the Agency, they were serious as they had promised when it came to dealing with a rogue agent.
On the side of his head, a smiley face drawn with a marker on his skin. One pulse of the device in my hand would end his existence as a livingcreature.
But in spite of the injuries, his sneer was unchanged, his spirit unbroken.
“You don’t have the nerve, hole,” he groaned.
I didn’t waste time wondering if he was really foolish enough to try to psych me out, or if he was trying to provoke me to end this quickly. Instead I pressed the weapon firmly against his side where the seventh rib attached to the sternum. I pulled the trigger – the tip of the device buzzed violently like a sonic chisel, liquefying tissue and powdering bone without breaking the skin. Holding the trigger down, I traced a horseshoe shape up his chest, severing ribs all the way, across the top, pulverizing his sternum where it attached to his collar bone, and severing the ribs going down the other side. Not a drop of blood showed in spite of the carnage taking place inside his body.
Less than three seconds elapsed and other Agency men were rushing into the execution chamber. I safed the device and handed it to the first agent to approach me.
“Not so fucking humane if you ask me,” I said.
Affronted by my coldness he accepted the weapon and said naught.
All five witnessing agents had rushed in to stop me, but since I no longer had the weapon they didn’t know what to do. Instead they stared helplessly at the dying man. Not quite the instantly tidy execution they had anticipated. He tried to take a breath but his destroyed thorax did not support the effort – instead of drawing air into his lungs his sternum was sucked grotesquely inward, increasing his agony until he was involuntarily wracking his body in the restraints.
Justice had indeed been served.
I turned to leave.
Now Mercy demanded for herself a portion. Before I had taken so much as a step towards the door, the numb detachment I had felt crystallized into irrefusable icy determination. I knew I was right to end his crimes, for the sake of future victims, for my own sake, and for retribution on one who dared touch Twilight’s property, myself. But I found that Vengeance sickened me even more than the memory of what I had suffered.
I whirled back to face the dying man. He still couldn’t draw breath and his eyes were wild with horror. Staring, fixed, at a presence his former comrades could not see, he knows he is already dead. I took a deep breath and placed my lips on his. Exhaling into his lungs, I granted him one impossible last breath of air.
He forced it to become words.
“I’m sorry.”
For the last milliseconds his face held a look something like regret.
“Lady Hel, have mercy,” I intoned dully as dead eyes glazed.
“I’m not known mercy, mortal.”
Hel Lokidotr stood at my shoulder, in all her piebald glory: half beautiful pale flesh, half rotting corruption. The loose garment she wore emphasized the nakedness of her perfect skin and flaunted the horror of her decay. She looked down upon me, her good eye icy cold, the blackened socket on the other side of her face dripping baleful ruin.
“I am here to fetch the dead for damnation.”
Damnation is a heavy thing; no mortal soul was designed to suffer the punishment of archangels.
“He repented before death.” I was suddenly contrary.
“He was already dead when he spoke.”
“You can’t call a mortal dead while his last breath is on his lips,” I argued.
“Do you forgive him?” she demanded.
“O accursed Lady, I shall forgive him to spite you.”
“These agents of law are the thralls of Justice. You alone in this room have the right to cry Mercy.”
The thralls of justice were backing away from me: they could not see Hel, but a holy terror was infectious among them nonetheless. One had soiled himself, another bolted out the door.
I looked at the dead man.
Damnation is a heavy thing: his would not undo the rape I had suffered.
“I do so cry.”
“As you will, so mote it be.”
Hel shielded her face with a skeletal hand, as though she was blinded by a light I could not see. And then she was gone.
It was then that Strength abandoned me. I collapsed to weep and retch on the floor at the dead man’s feet.
—
Eventually one of the agents put a hand on my shoulder, pulling me to my feet after a moment. She led me to a restroom, started warm water running. Numbly I washed my face.
“Bob wants to see you,” she said after my dubious ablutions.
Instead of his office, this was a small interview room. Pointedly I stood while he sat.
“You put me in an awkward position,” he said.
“How have I troubled you?” I asked, “was it something about how I killed–”
“No, nothing about the execution. You could have skinned him or boiled him to death for all I care. Forgive me the bad timing, but I have to say this. Last time I didn’t say anything you jumped off a fucking building. I like you. I was wondering–”
“Sorry. I’m not available. I have a husband who is trying to get back to me.”
“I know what you told Angstrom – do you really believe all that?”
“I do. Twilight is very powerful and will eventually find a way.”
“Understood. It’s not much, but I will file to acknowledge your marriage as having been officiated under unusual circumstances.” Surely the fiat declaration of an alien demi-god would count as unusual. “You’ll be able to use the name Sparkle officially.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that very much. It means a lot to me.”
“You’ll get a new ID in day or two. Is it okay if I check up on you once in a while? Make sure you’re alright?”
“And check to see if I’ve given up on Twilight?”
“No! You obviously believe in him with all your heart. I'd rather see you as his, than see you broken without that faith. But even if you’re spoken for, it would do me good to know that you are okay.” There was note of something unspoken in his voice.
“Tell me, Bob” I said, stepping closer to where he sat.
“He recorded it, Angstrom did, he had a diverter on his optic nerve. He videoed all his rapes, the murders, everything. I had to review all the evidence. I saw exactly what he did to you, through his eyes.”
I burnt with shame at the thought of anyone watching me in the involuntary throes that terrible orgasm.
But if I was shamed from being seen, he was shattered from seeing.
Instinctively reacting to his pain I pulled him to me, let him bury his face between my breasts as he held me tight.
“You weren’t faking, were you?” he asked, his voice muffled.
“I’ve never needed to fake, so I didn’t dare try to fool him. My daughter’s life was at stake.”
“I’m so sorry for what he did to you.”
“You bear no responsibility. And you took action: I have no complaint against you.”
“I wish I had murdered him the moment I was promoted to this office.”
“I’d be better off if you had.” I stroked his hair gently. “And we would have never met. But better for you that you should suffer unrequited love than the blood guilt of murder.”
His arms around my waist loosened, hands sliding down my back.
“I could have taken field duty that day.”
“But why would you? You’re the senior officer.”
“If I had– he wouldn't– you–”
“I would have still had to reject your advances. And he would be out there today, finding other victims.”
“I know but— ah!” he cried as he realized where his palms had rested. He scooted his chair away, apologizing wildly.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to grab your bottom!”
“No harm done. Thank you for demonstrating self control. I respect that.”
He took a deep breath, and I stepped away. The intimate moment was past.
“Do you,” he spoke quietly, shame in his voice as he offered, “want a wipe?”
I probably could have had the memories erased legally if I had sought trauma care instead of hiding. But this belated opportunity—
“No! How can I keep myself safe if I forget what happened?”
And I would owe Twilight an explanation when she did return.
“Understood. I have an item of yours to return, if you want.”
I made a wild guess.
“Is it my missing underwear?”
“Yes.”
“Can you throw them away? I won’t be wearing them again after he’s treasured them.”
“Of course. Do you mind signing an affidavit identifying them as yours? It’s just one more checkbox I can tick to show that we really got the right guy.”
“I can do that much.”
He pulled an evidence bag from a folder. Inside it was a cellophane keepsake bag containing my missing panties, ironed flat. The keepsake bag was neatly labeled with my name and other information.
“Those are mine.” I said, “what’s nine point eight?”
“I advise you not to inquire.”
“Please tell me.”
“He was very methodical about rating all his rapes on zero to ten scale. His notes detail that you gave him the greatest orgasm of his life. He was terrified the entire time.”
“Of what?”
“Of you. I think he knew it would end like this.”
“You were right,” I said, “I shouldn’t have asked.”
Tossing the bagged garment into a trash receptacle, while I signed and initialed yet another form, he remarked, “one of the men said that you spoke the name of Loki’s daughter. After the execution. It sounded like you had a conversation with her.”
I had noticed a scar that might be a rune branded onto his wrist. Mr. Call might well be an Odinite, which could put him on unfriendly terms with the Trickster and his get.
“Aye, she was present for the event.”
“I’m glad I wasn’t there to see her.”
“Lady Hel isn’t evil.”
“I’ve sent several to her halls. I’m not sure I could bear her gratitude.”
“She’s not known for gratitude.”
“They said you forgave him.”
“He can’t hurt anyone now. And vengeance isn’t worth piss.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Twilight would rather have been in her laboratory, working to break the spell trapping her in the world of Equestria, testing the lore she had extracted from the most obscure tomes she could get her hooves on. Instead, she was back in Canterlot, having tea with the other princesses. The summons had been cool, distant, but insistent in its phrasing.
She was tired, strung out from a stimulant fueled marathon work session, irascible, and if she was to be thwarted from her efforts she did not aim to let anypony else enjoy themselves. The older Princesses sensed her defiant mood and there was tension around the table as tea was poured. Would she pout, rage, or provoke?
“The tea is nice, Tia dear, but I do wish my lover were here to add a little… cream …if you know what I mean.” Just in case there was any ambiguity to the obscenity of her remark she raised her hoof and reciprocated it lewdly in mid-air.
Provocation, then. Cadance blushed and Luna stifled a snicker.
“Twilight,” Celestia spoke gently, seriously, “it’s not often the four of us take an evening to do our team updates over tea. You rebuffed my last attempt to speak privately with you (and you were quite snippy with the innocent page I sent to fetch you), but there are matters of state to discuss. Maybe you could save your charming little tantrums for later. Our informal agreement stipulated that you would not let your personal concerns impact your kingdom duties.”
“While my duty to self continues to blocked by personages unmentioned, my public duty is unimpeded, I assure you. Construction is started on the project you assigned me and work is well ahead of schedule. I have organized, designed, collaborated and submitted it all for approval. Have you read any of my letters before signing the requisitions?”
“I stopped reading after the first few missives filled with interminable school-filly angst and how much you missed your precious human.”
“Luckily I have copies of the plans you authorized with me. Who’s presenting first?” Twilight sounded almost like she might get over her snit.
“For today we are tabling the non-corroborated changeling sightings and all matters of routine business. The purpose of this gathering is to sync up on preparations relating to the impact of a magical event that nopony understands: to recap, a coitus mediated magical lust leakage, affecting family planing for hundreds of families. (Please don’t look so smug dear.) From the financial side, the crown will be contributing significantly to the costs of raising these hundreds of foals. If alicorn magic was used, accidentally even, to influence these ponies’ choices, it would be improper to leave the parents on the hook. Go ahead next, please, Luna.”
“As per due process,” Luna said, “we will remind all present that the identities of any specific ponies that we mention are protected by priest-penitent law. With that out of the way, we have no specifically pressing concerns to voice; none that would fall in the scope of the foregoing disclaimer. There is plenty of pre-parenthood angst out there, but nothing unhealthy or dangerous. We have noted a small number of mares who exhibit morphological lemmas in their dream narratives which indicate some risk for postpartum depression. The centralized care facilities Princess Twilight has organized will aid E.M.H. in providing counseling and augmented support network services to ponies who need an extra hoof, without putting them on the spot or making them feel singled out. A number of ponies have dreamed of financial worries, and we just heard that the treasury is already bracing to make sure that the support of these foals is an appropriately funded investment in Equestria.”
“Thank you, Luna. Cadance, is your research complete?”
“Yes, Princess. In line with the anecdote I shared with you before initiation of a numerical review, without a single exception, all of the mares affected by this magical incident had a dedicated provider at the time of impregnation -or have acquired one. Two have lost their provider due to unrelated events – one construction accident, and an unexpected illness. These two mares have have both been contacted by social workers and enrolled in A.S.N.
“Current total is over eight hundred mares who were fertilized at almost the same moment under wildly different circumstances. We don’t have an exact geographic boundary for the effect.
Also noted in our review were a number of mares in—” Cadance sniffed “—unsatisfactory relationships,” she spoke the phrase with icy distaste, “who, even though fertile, were not affected at all by the magic.
“My researchers and I went through this data very thoroughly and we are confident of our conclusions, but deeply alarmed by them. What we see is nothing short of groundbreaking. The magic scales will need to be re-calibrated or extended. Neither I, nor my staff have ever heard of a spell with such wide geographic reach and such finesse of targeting.
“Also, you’ll be glad to know that we’ve compiled all the prenatal exams and every single one is healthy. No twinning either!” Cadance’s eyes sparkled with that bit of good news.
“One other detail emerged. At least a quarter of the mares did not expect to be fertile. Anypony can mis-judge her cycle, but this many ladies making that mistake could indicate… I can hardly imagine it, Celestia. It’s frankly disturbing. A spell that displays sentient judgment in who it affects, overrides the subject’s biological rhythms, and has the ability to make her suprareceptive. Now, as to how an earthpony caused a mid-coital arcane excursion of this magnitude—”
“Thank you, Cadance,” Celestia interrupted, “for doing the groundwork and bio/relationship data here. We have top mages here in Canterlot working on the love spell forensics.”
“Who?” Cadance asked. She was the expert on this kind of magic.
“Top mages. And, not to put too fine a point on it, you’re off the case now. No further research unless I authorize it. I want you to focus on business as usual so that if I need you again on this project you come back with fresh eyes. Twilight, can you update us on the infrastructure planing, which sounds like it has moved past the planning stage?”
“Yes, it is a bit late for changes, with the reqs approved… Here.” Twilight passed papers around the table. With a task to accomplish her efforts to disrupt had faded.
“Um…” said Cadance “was this meant to be in here?” She held a photo that had fallen out of her copy of the plans. “Is this you and the human?”
The photo showed a human male and demi-human female. The male the colour of rich cocoa, the female was purple, sported dainty horn and wings, and had the same blaze in her bangs as Twilight. The two humans were naked and glistened with sweat and post coital flush. The perspective of the photo suggested a camera held high in the purple girl’s hand, her arm foreshortening to the edge of the frame. The pose was awkward – he held her up with arms around her waist, her feet off the ground, her breast pressed against the side of his face. Neither looked at the camera, they shared a tender gaze. Behind them yawned a cavernous declivity vanishing between spire-like buildings as tall as mountains.
“Yeah, that’s us. We had the scenic viewpoint to ourselves and commemorated the moment after we made love.” Her expression softened as she reached for the photo; Cadance did not release it yet. “I thought I had lost the picture, I spent three days digging through Ponyville landfill before I gave up.”
“What a foal I am—” There were tears in Cadance’s eyes as she looked at picture of the young couple. “—I never saw true love before now.” She began to study the photo as if she would paint it, giving it back after a long pause.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Another true believer,” she groaned.
“Ahem. Let me continue.” Twilight was all business as she carefully tucked the photo into her files. “What I’ve done is pulled together a multipurpose architectural thesis consisting of structures which will undergo a planned evolution, with with a mix of early and JIT construction to moderate peak labor demands, as generation-T ages. A single, central, birthing center will grow and adapt to become foal care facility, then a grade school complex, secondary school, eventually becoming commercially zoned when the target cluster age into the workforce. It’s a more centralized approach than we are typically used to in Equestria but over the planned life cycle of the project it will serve the public better than a larger number of smaller faculties. Smaller satellite sites will provide services to families located further from ground zero in Ponyville without every little hamlet needing to raise bonds for construction. Questions?”
Luna raised her hoof for recognition. “Generation-T?” she asked when Twilight nodded.
“T is for Tangent, as it was his smoldering seduction of yours truly that is held to be responsible for the boom. We may not know how he tampered with my magic, but everypony here knows exactly what happened when he did!” She seemed almost proud of his accomplishment and for a moment she was again the smug provocateur.
“Using Cadance’s estimates (thank you, Princess),” Twilight continued “we anticipate that Gen-T will diverge several percentile before they reach adulthood so the educational facilities will be gradually phased to cover a broader range of educational needs as the foals age. The expected spread is no more than three grade-years and many will not choose to continue with tertiary education.
“This evolutionary approach to managing the boom driven infrastructure demands minimizes redundant construction and wasteful build/demolish/rebuild cycles. Second boom when Gen-T reaches reproductive maturity will be less tightly temporarily focused. If we estimate a reasonable level of voluntary —” did Twilight stress that word subtily? “—cooperation with requests that the females not all begin foalbearing the moment they reach menarche there should be minimal need for significant infrastructure changes for second boom. Third and Fourth boom should only be visible in sensitive statistical analysis and there should be no further echoes. I do have a less cheerful looking worst-case projection which I seem to have left behind – it does not require immediate attention but I would like to review it with you all some time in the next ten years.”
“Thank you very much Twilight, that is excellent work in spite of other challenges.” Celestia tried to focus on the positive. “Your diligence is a credit to you. I don’t know how you’ve found the time to get all that done.”
“Bucking amphetamines, your Highness. I haven’t slept in a you-damned week and a half.”
Celestia sighed. “Language, Twilight. No need to be a potty-mouth.”
This was just the opportunity Twilight was waiting for. Time for the big guns of shocking conversational gambits.
“If you don’t wanna hear about potty-mouth, well I better not tell you too much about the scat games or you'll never think about chocolate the same!”
Cadance hastily pushed her unfinished chocolate cake away. “Eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww” she shrieked. Some kinks were too much, even for the Princess of Sex.
Luna merely raised an eyebrow. There was no telling what depravities she might have witnessed in the twisted dreams of Equestria’s more hedonistic sleepers. “Forsooth?”
“Please, sister.” Celestia’s patience was wearing thin. “Do not give her an excuse to go into tiny, squalid, details.”
“I jest, I jest! As if I would.” Twilight watched Celestia while pretending to study Cadance’s graphs. As soon as Celestia sipped her tea, Twilight continued, “but I did pee on him to mark him as mine!”
Celestia swallowed her tea, slowly and deliberately. Not even the least hint of choking shook her regal frame. “Clearly this little get together will not be accomplishing any more progress. Thank you ladies. Twilight do be a love, and grow up just a little. I really need to meet with you in private, when you can be bothered to attend me.” Certainly Twilight’s behavior at the moment was not compatible with the confession the diarch must make.
Luna and Cadance focused on their cake and tea and avoided making eye contact with their verbally dueling peers. Twilight was ready to argue but Celestia cut her off.
“I’ll be leaving now,” Celestia said matter of factly, “I have a yak to buck.”
Twilight had already walked in on Celestia and Tajrahaz flagrante delicto once — it would take more than this simple announcement to make her spew her tea. Nothing, she thought, would phase her.
On another hoof, the other Princesses were both caught completely off guard and choked, spraying Twilight with Cadance’s tea and Luna’s cake crumbs.
“And that, my dear,” Celestia pronounced as she strode to the door, “is how comedic timing is done .”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Posting some extra chapters for the coming Summer Sun Celebration!
66-Sib
Bear didn’t open the door until I composed myself.
Gloam was still asleep and Mr. Landers was reading; he had casually picked a book from the collection sealed in the strongbox concealed by a sliding panel behind the bookshelf in the spare room behind a hidden, double-locked door. It looked to be a hand bound volume of Dee, very rare, long proscribed by all reputable authorities, and apparently not as discreetly stored as I thought.
“How’d it go?” he peered over the top of the forbidden tome as I stepped out of my shoes. “Did they require more testimony? Any rough cross examination?”
“They already had a conviction, they called me in for the execution.”
“That’s fast! What is it, half a year since you reported him?”
“He had logs, trophies and pictures, the case was open and closed. The only reason it took this long to off him is because there was so much evidence to catalog and review. Bastard recorded video of all his crimes.”
“What a sick fuck. And they wanted you to witness the execution?”
I paused to open my shirt, deactivate the front closure on my bra. Gloam was stirring and would wake up hungry. Her eyes opened and I lifted her to my breast.
“Not witness. I did the deed. Because I was the only victim to dare file a complaint.”
“Did that upset you? Killing him?”
“I’m alright now. It had to be done. But his supervisor is a wreck. He had to personally examine all the evidence. Including the video of my rape.”
Landers raised an eyebrow and waited for another shoe to drop.
“He thinks he’s in love with me.”
“Ouch, poor fucker. He knows that you’re not in the market?”
“Yeah. He was very proper and respectful, which I appreciate, but there’s nothing I can do for him.”
“Let me know if he gives you any trouble.”
“He won’t.”
“I wish you had come to me for help sooner.”
“Maybe if I had known that the asshole threatening my unborn daughter was not operating with the full power of the government backing him up, I might have said something!” Gloam fussed at my breast and I lowered my voice. “For all I knew speaking up would get us killed and you too.”
“Naïve. The government is fucked up but only the Oligarchs have the power to wantonly rape and murder. Peons like an anomaly agent don’t get special rights. He’s under law like the rest of us. And real Ogs don’t infiltrate minor bureaus to find fresh meat, if they want to rape a pregnant woman, they’ll round a hundred up, take their pick, and kill the rest.”
“So he obviously knew how to pick his victims.”
“Promise me that you’ll let me help you if you ever have any trouble again.”
“Why? You’ve already done too much for me.”
It was his influence which had opened the doors for the upper echelons of the anomaly agency to hear my complaint. And now he was babysitting for me too? There had to be something in it for him.
“I mean, sure, you’re the greatest boss in the world, but why have you taken so much interest? I know I am also the best at what I do, but my skills don’t warrant that much trouble.”
One possible motivation came to mind.
“Unless you want some action too. I guess it’s okay if that’s what you want.”
If my body was the fee for vengeance, it was a bit late to negotiate; my honor was already compromised. At least I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be violent about it. I clicked another mag-clasp open and stepped out of my pants.
“How do you want it?”
“I don’t .” Did he shudder? “There’s something I should have told you sooner.”
Standing there in my panties, my shirt and bra open, I gave him a very skeptical side-eye. “I already know my father died long before I was implanted, so don’t try the ‘I am your father’ line on me.”
“Vanished, not died, I don’t know where he went, I haven’t been able to find any trace. If he had died in custody, there would have been records. Fuck, there probably would have been a parade if they had had a body to show the public! And how about your brother? Have you checked up on him?”
“I only have sisters and they’re all bitches.”
“Both points are true. On your mother’s side.”
Belatedly, I connected the dots.
“You’re kidding?”
“You can run my DNA if you like. But yes, we are half-siblings, born four hundred years apart. Our father was a notorious criminal; I’m not even going to say his name.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was long of the opine that I might more easily protect you if I kept our connexion secret. And since your most recent disappearance, I’ve just been waiting for a good opportunity.”
I tallied coincidences and synchronicity in my head. A childhood of unreasonably close calls. The mystery of my improbable survival was solved but–
“How long have you been looking out for me?”
“I shacked up with your mother before you were born. When you showed up as a boy she was ready to kill you on the spot and I convinced her that murder was the one thing that would impact her ability to do business with the class of men she took as customers.”
“Were you—”
“One of her patrons? Yep, I paid a lot of credits for all those years of fancy, but shallow and meaningless, sex. Five years later someone more useful decided he wanted to pay even more credits for the privilege and I was out. By that time her staff took care of you and she’d mostly forgotten you existed.”
“You saved me.”
“I did what I could. How do you think you got a teddy with a real A.I. smart enough to help you avoid your mother’s wrath? You still have that thing?”
“Real A.I.?”
“That bear was alive, Tanna. Not biologically, but I swear if he had more processing power he’d be smarter than a human.”
“Thank you, Eric,” Bear said, “I am smarter than the humans.”
“Tanna?” Eric asked, surprised.
“He might have helped me upgrade him a little. I guess I understand now why he adapted to computronium so well. Eric meet Bear, Bear meet my brother Eric.”
“I remember Eric very well. He gave me my original task parameters when I was much less than I am now.”
“Uh, hi Bear.” My brother didn’t know where to look; Bear spoke in perfect surround sound through the in wall dom-aud. “You uploaded him into a demon core? That bear is easily the most valuable object in human space.”
I smiled and look down at Gloam. She was nursing hard, I would need to switch her to the other breast soon.
“Says you.”
“I recant my heresy,” my brother said, “may I hold my niece when she finishes her meal? She’s been asleep the whole time you were gone and we didn’t get to play at all!”
My boss, my friend, my brother, showed every sign of being a doting uncle.
“This explains a lot about the free babysitting.”
“Guilty,” he said with a smile.
—
“She made it home safe,” a surveillance tech announced.
“Thank you,” Bob Call said. “Close the circuit, we won’t be tracking her any more.”
“Yes, sir.”
Tik, tik, tik, tik, clack.
“That’s funny.”
“Huh?”
“I was annotating the follow record and there’s a two year gap when she wasn’t seen at all.”
“Gone for two years? How’d that not get noticed?”
“The system tracks who is where; not who is nowhere. Her supervisor may have helped cover for her.” Another record popped up on the screen. “Should I flag him?”
“No. I looked his records over when I was backgrounding her early in the case. My gut says not to mess with that guy.”
—
After she ate, Gloam sat on Eric’s lap and played happily with his necktie.
“Do we have any other relatives in common I should know about?” I asked.
“Probably not. Certainly none that I know of. I had one son. Who became my daughter after a magic incident I have alluded to in our conversation shortly after you announced your change.”
“’Had’? That's not good. Is he, or she I guess…”
“Very technically, I don’t know,” he sighed, “She’s as good as dead, but her actual death may or may not have taken place yet. My very own Schrödingungkind. But her wave will never collapse, at least not in my light cone.”
“Shit! The fuck?” I jumped to my feet “Is there any possibility of rescue mission?”
“None. She and her family were aboard the Longshot-7.”
I sagged back to my chair.
Everybody knew the history. Seven Longshot ships –sublight coldsleep colony vessels– had left the kindly light of Mother Sol: it was humanity’s greatest single endeavor, over a century of planning, designing, and construction. Seven splinters of steel, kilometers long, each packed with cryopods for nearly five hundred colonists. Thrusters on all seven ships had ignited simultaneously to bear the hopes and dreams of Terra to the stars. Three had slipped silently into the deeps of the galaxy and were optimistically presumed successful, their radio signals lost in the interstellar medium. Two Longshot Colonies lived and grew under strange stars. LC4 had stopped transmitting after two decades of disease and hardship. And that left Longshot-7. The ship had somehow impacted a Kuiper belt space rock, demolishing the bridge, somewhere inside the orbit of Nibiru. Barely made it to the Sol system’s back porch, really. The final seventy one seconds of telemetry data had fueled decades of analysis. Final conclusion: probably about half of the cold sleepers were dead, many were still alive in their cryos, but there was no crew to wake them. Automated systems might thaw them out if the ship ever hove into orbit around a planet with OCN chemistry. Automated planet seeking systems were in an unknown status and the craft was veering off the galactic plane, away from its planned destination, still under acceleration. The last bytes of data were a structural prefailure report from a strut in the high gain antenna mount – then the antenna was off lock before decelerate and return commands could be transmitted.
“Oh. Fuck, Eric, I’m sorry.”
“Thanks, sis. I’ve had some time to get used to my losses.”
The Longshot launches had been some two hundred years ago; the few colony ships to leave since that explosion of hope had been near-light craft, bucking under relativity’s cruel lash.
“Dammit, I had niece I never knew. Why was she on a Longshot?”
“Oh the usual dreamer bullshit. She wanted a new life… in a new world. To her, that was freedom. She was a young soul, barely over a hundred and wanted to leave the past behind and not get vivisected by scientists trying to understand our longevity.”
I chuckled- but I knew from history that he wasn’t kidding about the risks he and his offspring would face, given the success of the changes made to his genes.
“When did you have the longevity treatment? Obviously before your son was born if he had it too.”
“I’m not quite old enough to have participated in the LXP – the nine-nines failure rate was well known by the time I was spawned. It was our father who had the treatment, survived, and passed it on.”
“You mean Gloam and I—”
“Might live for centuries? Yes, you probably will.”
And with those casually spoken words a huge gulf of time opened, gyring vertiginous before me. Instead of decades, I might have centuries ahead of me.
Centuries to spend longing helplessly for Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Wait.”
Twilight stood up from the table.
Cake crumbs and tea melted into a sticky mess in her mane and coat, a sudden flood of tears mixed with the tea that dripped down her face.
“Celestia, I’m being an immature, petty, bitch. No matter how much I miss him, I shouldn’t act out against you all, I am so sorry. Forgive me.”
Celestia paused by the door. “Yes, dear, you are being a bitch.” The sternness of her expression softened. “Of course I forgive you. And I love you more than I can say, my student, even when you act out.”
“Thank you, your Highness, I don’t deserve your kindness. I’d hug you but I don’t want to make a mess of you before you go to your special friend. Go have a nice time. Please don’t let me spoil everything for you too.”
“He’s not specifically expecting me to attend him until later…” Celestia paused, then addressed the whole group, “Girls! Let’s hit the hot tub!”
“I just want to go cry all night…” said Twilight “I’m crashing hard from the stimulants, I’ve just treated my friends poorly, and I need Tangent.”
“Then you are definitely coming with us.” said Cadance “We do not take care of our friends by abandoning them to weep alone. A soak may not be exactly what you need most right now, but it’s what we have.”
“Indeed, dear Twilight. We have no doubt—” Luna cast a sidelong glance at her sister “—that thou wilt achieve thy heart’s (and other parts’) desire, but thou must pull thyself together to achieve this inevitable victory.”
“Thank you, Princesses,” Twilight sniffled.
Tea had been set in one of the small meeting rooms adjacent to Celestia’s private chambers and it was only a few lengths down the hall to the baths. Before heading to the tubs, the princesses showered; Twilight scrubbed extra hard to get all the mess out of her coat.
“Go on ahead, ladies,” Celestia said, grabbing a bathrobe after she washed “I just need to pop off to my rooms. I won’t be a moment.”
As soon as Celestia was gone Luna said “We wager a week of deserts she fetches hither her indispensable confidant and adviser, Lord-Sir Rubber Ducky. The hot tub on the balcony, methinks?”
“Agreed,” spoke Cadance, “the balcony. It will be a lovely evening, and you will be able to raise the moon without leaving the water. Nopony here is foal enough to take that bet, Luna.” she lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper “Twilight, did you really um… so mark …your bold paramour?”
“I swear its true.” Twilight tapped her chest with a hoof, traced the sacred horseshoe over her heart. “Right in his face!”
“He permitted this exotic ritual?” asked Luna.
“I did indulge myself the practical expedient of not asking first.”
“Th’art most brazen.”
“Ooooooooooo so kinky!” squeaked Cadance.
“Yeah… and then he went down on me until I couldn’t even stand up.” Twilight was lost in the memory. “I think he carried me to bed after that… but I felt like I was floating on a vaporous cloud of spectral moonlight wafting across perfumed breezes after the sybaritic rites of maying while the song of a thousand falling stars echoed in my heart.”
“Astounding, Princess, thou must tell us more cheeky tales of moist deeds before sister returns with her ducky.”
“But, Twilight, you were starting to talk like him. Be careful, Auntie warned me about the romantic soliloquy he snared you with. We’re all dealing with what it did to Equestria.”
“Truth be,” Twilight sighed, “I was well ensnared long before those words were spoken. I have learned ever so much about a very a special kind of friendship with Tangent.”
Cadance smiled. There was more to this tale than Celestia or Twilight had shared, but his kind of friendship was indeed her realm of expertise. A discreetly continuing analysis of the information she had already gathered might bust the mystery wide open.
“Tell us what kind of adventures you got into on Tangent’s world while you were gone.”
“Mostly just sex. Lots and lots of sex. And after that we had sex. Every room in his home, in public, after monster attacks, and trespass, too. We snuck into the library and did it in the secret archive.”
“Secret archive? We are surprised thou were not too busy reading.” Luna narrowed her eyes questioningly. “Do not say thou wast face down in a book while he…”
“Yup! But I didn’t absorb much. From the book.”
“We do hope you showed him some attention.”
“Of course, Luna. I don’t want him to see more of my awful side just yet! It’s bad enough that you girls have to deal with me at my worst.”
“Truly he will have many good memories to sustain him until certain reunion.”
“Tell us about your first time with the human!” Cadance wanted to hear more of the romance angle. It could be key to her surreptitious sleuthing of sex secrets.
“Oh, Cady, it was wild and crazy and insane and wonderful. I teleported him out of his bed into the night sky kilometers above the vast city where he lives. I’d, um, never been with a stallion before in real life so he took my virginity up in the moonlit clouds and we flew on moonbeams as we made love.”
“Moonlight,” Luna said wryly, “tryst thou not without it…”
“Oh, how sweet! Did it hurt?”
“Only the tiniest bit… he was careful… and he wept at my beauty,” Twilight blushed happily at the memory, “when he came.”
“Hist! Thy tale is beyond exquisite, but ‘Tia returns, bespeak thee some construction matter endlessly dreary.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow but complied “…and that conclusively demonstrates” she raised her voice “how the initial increased expense of double-glazing window technology as pioneered in Terran construction will actually save Equestria millions of bits in civic energy costs over the next decades…” she droned.
From the balcony the three princesses could see the hallway door open and Celestia enter. “I believe I have a strictly no work talk in the hot tub policy, dears!” she called. She stepped out of her bathrobe and into the shower.
“Didn’t you already shower, Auntie ‘Tia?” asked Cadance as the water started.
“Oh, um, my bad, I forgot. I’ll just be a moment…”
Her highness's second shower was more than just a moment, and Cadance prompted Twilight for another tale of her time on the human’s world.
“Well,” said Twilight, “there was the time we got busted fooling around at a restaurant.”
“He couldst not keep his, eh, hands from upon thee?” asked Luna.
“Actually he wanted to go home and do it there, but I didn’t want to wait. I promised him that I wouldn't make any noise. Imagine my embarrassment when I neighed at the top of my lungs during my climax. And it was a long one! I didn’t know I could even do that in a human body. They threw us out without even giving me time to put my pants back on.”
“Was it worth it?” asked the Princess of Love.
“Oh buck yeah!”
Finally Celestia paced out to the balcony and slipped into the warm water. Lord-Sir Rubber Ducky was balanced on top of her head. She twitched her ear and Ducky tumbled into the tub.
“Quack!” said Luna from the side of her mouth. The two younger princesses giggled.
“Now this is much nicer than trading barbs over tea, no?” she raised a hoof to Twilight. “Pax?”
“Pax.” said Twilight, touching her hoof to Celestia’s. “But I keep trying.”
“Of course you do. And I shall relinquish the second I see enough of the future to be sure of Equestria’s safety.” She sank lower into the hot tub and smiled largely. “Ahhhhhhh.”
Peace among the princesses? She would savor it while it lasted.
Luna leaned close to Celestia, and sniffed. “Thou hast semen breath, o sister, mine. Methinks the dashing yak fellow was waiting for thee after all! No wonder it took so long to find Ducky, it seems thy ducky was not the only thing thou found.”
“Guilty!” laughed Celestia, “But I wish I had time to enjoy the young prince better, he’s shaping up ever so nicely.”
“I wish Shiny were home from the border outpost inspections,” said Cadance, failing to volunteer the fact that she had sent him on such tedious inspection duty after his failed break-up mission. Perhaps, though, it was just as well he had not been able to dissuade his sister. She was undecided. Her research findings would decide the matter.
“I wish I were alone in the hot tub with Tangent,” sighed Twilight.
For a ponderous moment three princesses waited to hear Luna’s wish.
“We wish… I mean I, I wish that I were not asexual,” said Luna morosely, but her gaze lingered desperately on Twilight’s profile.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Still no word from the pleasantly purple pony princess?”
The reformed tentacle monster was solicitous in his concern.
“Nothing since that one message, Naughtious.”
“Might her absence be related to what she suffered here?” he asked, cautiously.
The temple of slimedark was no longer the dripping pit of fear and misuse it had been, but the experience had been rough on Twilight. Both due to the longer duration of time she spent here, and the problem that I had not been able to tell Twilight of Naughtious’s reform. It would only take a little additional questioning and I would be in breach of the goddess’s command.
“I don’t think so, we passed this gauntlet mostly without permanent harm. Leon said there was a barrier. I must trust her to break it, I know she will.”
“How is your daughter?”
“She’s three and a half now.”
“I know nothing of how children grow.”
“Her vocabulary is expanding, she learning to help me with small things. She’s forming her own opinions and expressing them. And she reminds me so much of her father that it hurts.”
“You should find a better outlet for your distress.” He gestured at my scarred arms. Residual body image had brought my injuries from the real world into this dream. With a smooth ripple of lucid power the wounds -the freshest pair almost a year old- vanished.
“I haven’t cut in a while.”
“Hiding it doesn’t change anything. What have you come here for, how may I help you?”
“I have a magic question to discuss.”
“I taught you everything that I know.”
“I beg to differ. You have taught me everything that you know that you know. I think if we plumb the epistemological depths of the implications of your conscious knowledge we may find something new. “
“Say on, friend.”
“Okay, here’s my idea, interrupt me if you see any flaws or think I am on the wrong track. For many magic users, particularly unaligned mages working for their own purposes, reliably predicting the future is one of the most desirable abilities.”
Nautious nodded. Soothsayers and self proclaimed psychics had been attempting to tread on the territory of true prophets since the dawn of magic.
“Obviously the laws of infodynamics forbid this working with any kind of bulk accuracy: the more information you try to obtain, and the further away the source, the less accurate it will be.”
“I’m with you so far.”
“At a quantum level, the second law of infodymics works because observation changes that which is observed. If you go further down that rabbit hole, it’s not the bouncing of photons off of an event that is the measure of observation. Observation can be defined as uptake to conscious mind; a trans-temporal mindon mediated quantum feedback which becomes part of the originating event. A recorded event is still unobserved if the recording is never comprehended by mind.”
I paused for breath – Naughtious nodded as he pondered my words.
“I believe that I have found a useful loophole. I can’t use it to get next week’s stock prices or even tomorrow’s weather, but I think I can use this to tell if anyone has observed me for the next few minutes into the future.”
“If I assume that your loophole will work, what is the benefit of knowing whether you are observed in the immediate short term future?”
“Not being observed is the focus. Not being seen is functionally the same as being invisible, is it not? I can feel my way along, taking care not to perform any action which will be observed, dancing between the glances, as it were.”
“You have a point. But if you are using this to be functionally invisible, can you tell a hostile observation from friendly?”
“Nope, I don’t think so. So I can’t use this to march an army into the capitol—” I did have a possible work-around that I needn’t mention “—but I might walk right past an army with out being seen.”
“I do not know any to teach you any, but there are real invisibility spells.”
“I know, but I’ll have to make do with this for now. Logic tells me that this will use less power than true invisibility, and thus less likely to be noticed. I should go test this out.”
I was ready to open the portal back to the waking world.
“Before you go, do you require any, ah, release?”
“I know Twilight said that tentacles don’t count,” I said, “but I think I should resist.”
I’d be lying to say the notion of a fabulous phalanx of phallic feelers philandering through an array of assorted apertures wasn’t terribly temping. She really did say they didn’t count.
“That’s a relief,” he said.
“Don’t you enjoy it?”
“Er, no, not really.”
“But your tentacles ejaculate all over the place when they fuck me!”
Every square centimeter of my outside, and much of my insides, had known the titillation of his tentacular touch.
“It is a purely conscious action – I just do what is expected of me.”
“You’ve been faking it?” I demanded.
“I was doing what I was created to do, only with the benefit of permission.”
“Hey, now that you’re on team consent, your consent is important, too.”
“I would have spoken up if I had been unwilling to assist. Imagine if somebody could have an orgasm from you picking their nose for them. You might be willing to do it out of concern for a friend, even if you didn’t enjoy it.”
“Can you?” I asked, raising a finger, “I guess I owe you a few by now.”
“No!” He covered his nose with his hands. “That was just a humorous example.”
“Well, thanks your help with the magic, Naughtious.”
“I don’t think I did any anything.”
—
I practiced at invisible hide and seek with Gloam. Developing my magic theory, I found that I could sense where it was safe to move without being seen. I would walk right past her and hide somewhere that she had already investigated. If I stayed attuned, I could detect the immanent compromise of any hiding place before she came looking.
It almost felt unfair – after testing the magic, I finished by allowing her the grand denouement of finding mommy. Prizes were given and all was well.
I felt that I had perfected the technique but soon found that Gloam was getting harder to sneak past. At first I thought I was losing the ability to use my spell, but after a test with another subject I realized that the difference was Gloam. Something beyond sight seemed to inform her gaze. It was soon after that when I realized that she had gone further – so young and she could waltz through the gaps in the attention of people around us like they weren’t even looking. She was using my spell. When she tried, and failed, to use it on me I realized how she had been catching me: mastery of the ability included the skill to detect others using it. I had created a spell that grew less and less valuable as more magic users learned it. Two seemed like a good number to me, there would be no need to teach any others. But her precocious use of magic spawned more questions – barely old enough to form sentences and she had picked up on a new spell even as I created it.
I was shaking as I guided her to undress, and then marshaled a spell Nautious had taught me years ago. The golden glow of power surrounded my daughter and she changed.
Before me stood a young filly. Her coat was grey purple – it reminded me of smoke. Her mane was the same midnight purple as her human hair and her horn was a pure dark purple. She was a mix of Twilight’s colours and my own. And she was so beautiful that all I could do was weep at the sight of her.
“Oh my baby girl—” I swept her into my arms “—look at you! Look at you!”
She was trying, turning her head this way and that to see as much of her changed body as she could. I led her to the big mirror in the hall outside the bathroom. Here she turned around and around, examining the changes.
As she faced away from me I shimmied out of my clothes and cast the same spell on myself and stood beside my daughter, a grey mare, disguised still as an earthpony.
“Look,” I nickered gently, “this is mommy.”
Gloam sat on the floor looking at me.
“We can’t tell anyone that we are ponies, my little foal,” I said as I folded my human blouse and skirt and undergarments. “I don’t know where, I don’t know how, but I promise, someday I will find a place that you can gallop freely.”
I wept again when it was time for us to turn human.
—
We had almost finished shopping, wanting but one thing to round out our evening meal.
While I haggled with a fruit vendor, checkpoints had sprung up around the square, a random I.D. sweep. There were rumors of unrest in the upper ranks of the oligarchy, perhaps even extending as high as the office of supreme guide. The fallout for the little people was a random tightening of security.
The enforcers manned their stations like machines. Dehumanized, with their entire bodies covered, they could well have been robots, soulless pseudohuman troopers, or even aliens. Or they could have been real, natural, men like the redheaded fellow who crewed on my first trip to the outside. Regardless, I preferred not to be noticed.
Lifting Gloam up to my hip, held her close and whispered, “close your eyes, baby, mommy’s going to do some magic.”
I slipped between the moments of perception and we were gone.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The orange maned unicorn paced, agitated. He had reams of progress to report, and nopony to report it to.
The libraries of the Crystal Empire were not as broad in the scope of topics they covered as the national repository in Canterlot, but for certain specialized knowledge, no other collection ran as deep. And he had delved deep, indeed, searching for any lore that might tell of magic leaks during sex, bulk fertility spells, or mass orgasm events powering a time crossing causality excursion which might lead to themselves. The M.O.E. hypothesis was his own original work; he didn’t find it particularly promising but it was sounder than some of the more flighty theories that had been bantered around among the princesses.
The notion of one pony using, not only another pony’s power (the well known phenomena of mana leaching) but also their specific abilities, fell outside the Crystal library. Certain volumes in his own accumulation of tomes did have the range to shed some light. They didn’t, however, because the topic was completely unknown. During the formal debunking of the so-called Maethrill’s Stave of Sameitude he had acquired many of the texts most likely to answer this question, had an answer existed.
If not for the classified nature of the investigation, he would have liked the excuse to request Starlight Glimmer’s expertise. Even if Starlight could no longer use time magic (there were several D.A. degrees worth of research right there and she had a small herd of graduate students regularly pestering her to endure this or that new test) she was the expert on that particular branch of thaumaturgy. If the Princess would only listen to him, he’d try again to get Starlight added to his team.
But her Highness, the Princess of Sex, (Love, he corrected himself, lest he accidentally say it out loud) had returned from Canterlot no longer interested in his findings.
“I’m telling you that the spell affected events occurring before it was even cast,” he said.
“Twilight can cast a number of mid class time spells. If an untrained earth-pony wielded her power during a moment of orgasmic telepathy, who’s to say what random mess climax, and lust, and unfamiliar sensations, and time effects, might concoct together? I wish he had just turned himself into a squid.”
“Not friendly, Princess. And that whole magic leak theory is insane.” Long association had taught Sunburst to speak frankly to Princess Cadance. “An earthpony does not just ‘accidentally’ wield his lover’s power during physical congress. There would be rumors of such things. There would be records. I would have read about it. It has never happened. Ever. I have to meet him.”
“That is the official theory and nopony from the Crystal Empire will be challenging it. And nopony will be meeting him, either. Celestia has banished him to his home world.”
“Banished‽How can you let that happen? Foal boom and chaos aside, they’re in love!”
Cadance tossed her head and didn’t answer.
“Love, Princess!”
“Firstly,” she snorted angrily, “I know nothing contrary to the prophesy Celestia cites, and secondly, she is my Aunt, she ismy liege, and she is far more powerful than I am. How would you propose I stop her?”
“Perhaps raising an objection on the logical merits of the case. What about Twilight?”
“Feh. She brought it upon herself, whatever shenanigans are ahoof. Hopefully her future bedmates will not cause so much trouble if they can be properly vetted before she falls in love.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you shouldn’t try to control who she’s with.” He had been forced to escape more than one of her arranged relationships and was very familiar with the Princess of Sex’s antics.“Your Highness, this is important. We have to tell Princess Celestia, and I need to debrief this lover of Princess Twilight’s.”
And we ought to try to get them back together, somehow, he didn’t say. Cadance was clearly too angry to care.
“And I say that we do not. Any anecdote based theory that may have developed after Celestia kicked me off the investigation is strictly off the record.”
‘Top mages’ – what kind of foal did Auntie take her for? Cadance was the top mage for a project like this.
“You’re what?”
“Off the investigation. While I was still meeting with her, Auntie’s spooks ejected my entire team out of our office space in Canterlot and carried away every single file. As far as the Crystal Empire is concerned, the research is over. No more theories out of you, your research assistants can go back to their regular duties.”
Pox on Celestia, Cadance thought angrily, and pox on Twilight too for triggering the whole mess! After Celestia’s slight, Cadance could care less what had driven the younger princess to taking up with a human after rejecting so many suitable pairings. The Princess of Love would wait until Twilight was begging for a replacement for the missing human and she’d send the young princess a pack of the worst rejects from her own bed.
“Yes, your Highness.” If she would not accept his findings, all he had left to offer her was obedience. “What do we do with the information I’ve gathered?”
“Burn it. Burn it all.”
“As you command. Nopony will ever know.”
—
Sunburst was still seething when he reached his home. Instead of turning down the path towards his front door, he launched a Silent Flame spell at the small structure. There was no light produced, no heat, but within the hour the dwelling would be consumed with all its contents. Already ash was drifting silently in the night, mixing with the falling snow, as he walked down the street.
The guards at the city gate let him pass unquestioned, simply noting the hour in their log. They were used to his comings and goings on royal errands.
Having obeyed the Princess’s last command, there was nothing more for him in the Crystal Empire.
Without looking behind him, the ronin sorcerer headed out into the cold wasteland.
Author's Note
This marks the end of the
02023 Summer Sun Celebration Surge Back to the weeklyish schedule of chapter drops
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
I turned off my equipment and grumbled my way to the door – the pounding showed no sign of abating. I didn’t hesitate to open. Bear would tell me if it wasn’t safe.
“Edna!”
The woman at my door was wearing grimy black fatigues so I assumed that she wasn’t here for a social call.
“Can I crash here?”
“Of course, what’s wrong? Where’s Beulah?”
“Hospital. She’s not badly wounded but we gotta spring her before they make her injury worse—”
Suddenly she reached out and cupped her two hands on my breasts, groping them through my thin camisole.
“What the fuck happened to you, boy?”
Squeeze.
“You didn’t used to have these, I’ve seen you naked.”
Nipples hardening under her touch, I pushed her hands away.
“My Twilight –the purple girl– is a magic user. She thought it would be fun to switch our genders and bang. I stayed like this, and she’s temporarily stuck on another world.”
“So, dick gone, too?”
She answered her own question when I failed to block her swift hand.
“Fuckin’ a’. Did you at least get plugged?”
“You could say that.”
Edna cocked an eyebrow.
“She knocked me up. I’ve got a daughter who’s almost five and she’s never met her father.”
“I can’t wait to see the tyke. But I need to shower and sleep, I’ve been up for four days straight and wearing the same clothes for a week.”
“Use the shower in my bedroom.” I pointed to the correct door. “I’ll see what I can do for Beula.”
“Roger, out.” Edna saluted and staggered in the appropriate direction.
As soon as the door closed Bear spoke.
“Tanna, how do you know that woman?”
“Is anything wrong? She was one of the monster hunters Twilight and I met while you were turned off.”
“That seemed the most likely explanation. Nothing is wrong; she and her associate could be valuable resources. I’ve never worked with them, but I am very aware of their reputations. Now get going to the hospital. I’d like you to tell Beulah to play along, and I’ll send trusted personnel to transfer her out of the hospital as quietly as possible.
—
“Miss Beulah, there’s a young lady here to see you.”
“I didn’t send out for any young ladies, I’m too fucked up to fuck one.”
“Thank you, Beulah,” I said, “I’m not a whore yet.”
I stepped inside the privacy curtain around the bed.
“Who the—”
At last she broke her silence, “Is the purple girl a boy now?”
“Last I saw her, she was. I had her baby. How are you?”
A stubborn look passed over her face, and then softened. She nodded me closer and whispered.
“I got shot in the shoulder. No big deal, but I lost a lot of blood so I ended up in a regular hospital instead of with our usual medical crew. There is a bit of a disagreement on my treatment. I can’t pull any strings to get out of here without blowing my cover. You got any ideas, girl?”
As a matter of fact I knew someone who did.
“Already taken care of, you’re getting transferred.”
“How did you—” she cut off when a nurse poked her head around the curtain.
“Miss Beulah, you didn’t tell us that your primary care provider was arranging for a transfer.”
The nurse spoke disapprovingly.
“Sorry.” Before turning to face the nurse, Beulah allowed her face to go slack as if she was dazed. “Must be the pain killers.” She looked almost geriatric, a far cry from the iron lady I knew her to be. The ploy worked and the nurse’s satisfaction with her patient’s seeming helplessness assuaged her professional annoyance about the surprise change.
Moments later three figures in non-specifically official looking paramedic uniforms emerged from the elevator. One of the women made a beeline for the nurses station, the other accompanied the man pushing a wheelchair.
They moved with easy, casual comfort layered over military precision, medic uniforms just loose enough to obscure the fact that they were armed to the teeth.
My own initial sweep of the space had revealed four hallways, two elevators, and a stairway door as possible ingresses. As the two assault medics transferred Beulah into the wheelchair, they covered each other, leaving no approach un-monitored.
I kept still, with my hands in sight. If they were working for Bear, they’d have some briefing regarding myself, but I might as well make their jobs easier.
As soon as Beulah was comfortably situated, the male medic took the hold of the chair grips to push her. With a slight nod I offered and he stepped aside to allow me. There was a subliminal relaxation in his bearing now that his hands were free. The two medics took positions one step behind me and one step to my right.
As we moved towards the elevator, the remaining tech fell in with us, taking point. Her credentials must have been good: the thickness of her clipboard had about doubled. She had Beulah’s paper medical chart and I could predict that the corresponding electronic records would likely go missing very soon.
Down in the depths of parking, the transport looked nondescriptly worn – from the outside. Inside, the appointments were spotless and comfortable if not quite luxuriant.
Beulah didn’t say a word until they secured the wheelchair and left us alone.
“Who are these people?” She didn’t bother to whisper. “They’re good.”
“No clue. But they were sent by someone I trust with my life.”
“Fair enough. Lets clean out the mini-bar!”
I opened the refrigerator to see what there was.
“Okay, we got fresh orange juice, whole milk, or spring water.”
“Alcohol doesn’t mix with your painkillers, ma’am,” came an amused voice over the intercom.
“Fuck it, can we at least stop for a pack of smokes? I lost a bet. Gimme an orange juice, toots, and if you’ve got a flask of vodka somewhere on your person I’ll be your friend forever.”
“I don’t know why you wanted sprung, but after a caper like this, I think you already owe me that friendship.”
“Cheers,” she agreed as the transport emerged into late winter drizzle.
—
There was no sign of Edna in the living room so I left Beulah and went looking. I found her in my bedroom. She was lying spread eagle in the center of my bed. My favorite vibrator lay just beyond her fingertips.
“Eris Ð. Discordia! I hope you washed that! I was using it when you came banging on my door.”
“Wash it? Closest damn thing I’ve had to young pussy in ages! I really doubt you could be infected with anything my immune system can’t deal with.”
Logically, I knew damn well that I was clean but for her to just assume—
“Oh, the look on your face, girl! Of course I washed it! I’ll wash it again as soon as I catch my breath, couldn’t you have taken the stairs and got here five minutes later?”
It would have taken me a lot longer than five extra minutes to push a wheelchair up a hundred and thirty eight floors.
“You’re awful. Beulah too.”
“And that is why you love us.”
“Come on out, she’s here.”
That got her attention– Edna rolled off of my bed and ran past me to the living room.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded. “How did you get out?”
“Ask Miss Akos. I got no clue what’s going on.”
“It was my doing, actually,” Bear said. “My name is Bear and I am Mrs. Sparkle ’s guardian.” The two monster hunters noted Bear’s correction but did not interrupt. “Please tell me what treatment you require for your arm. Edna told Tanna that the hospital was going to make it worse. I’ve looked at your x-rays and seen the injury. Typically a prosthetic joint would be the correct—”
“Wait, wait, wait!” I interrupted, “Bear, is it safe telling them about you?”
“I believe that we will find a common ground for mutual trust,” he said. “Now about the arm?”
“They wanted to put in that artificial shoulder joint,” Beulah said, “but my shoulder will heal in about six months. But not if they remove what’s left and put in a metal joint. I just need to be left alone. I’d rather take the downtime to grow a new joint than have a bunch of metal in me. It’d just end up getting rejected, which would take years.”
“You can regrow a shoulder joint after getting a bullet through it?” As far as I knew, not even the goldboost I had been given could enable that level of regeneration. “Can anyone actually heal like that, Bear?”
“We will have to accept her explanation, nothing like that is documented on any system I can access. Perhaps she was part of the Life eXtension Program; that information is paper-borne only.”
“Yeah, I’m one of the first crop of long-livers. We got hella crazy healing.”
“Me too,” Edna added.
“I’ll never tell,” I whispered.
“Of course not. And we won’t rat out your pet A.I.”
“Did you happen to know—” I mentioned a name from long ago, a name thoroughly vilified in the history banks.
Edna and Beulah both snapped to perfectly neutral expressions as fast as a switch clicking.
“Does your keeper let you say names like that out loud?” Edna asked as she casually studied the wall somewhere to my right.
“Only in the domicile,” Bear informed her, “it’s safe here. I have Tanna better trained than to spout forbidden vocables in public.”
Instead of answering my question Beulah levered herself out of the wheelchair with her good arm and walked over to me. With her hand on my chin she turned my head this way and that, to study my face for a long silent minute.
“You’ve been through a lot since we met you,” she said at last. “Yes, girl, I knew your father.”
“In the Biblical sense,” muttered Edna.
“Pot, Kettle! I don’t think she needed to know about that, but yes, it’s true, we’ve both had your father. He was a good man.”
“Thanks. I only ever met him once, in a dream.”
“He’d still be alive if he hadn’t tried to counter the putsch. We tried to get there in time. The army dropped a conversion bomb on the prison when the guard found his cell empty. Just in case he was still somewhere on site.”
“I wonder if he made it out? He told me it was the night before his execution and he didn’t plan to hang around.”
“No pun,” muttered Beulah.
“You! You can’t joke about the girl’s dad getting killed!”
“You were the one who told her we slept with him.”
“I only told her that you slept with him.”
“You two are the worst, just the worst. Imma go get Gloam from kindergarten. Are you staying for dinner?”
—
“So, Tanna,” Edna said after dessert, “if you’re his kid, you should have inherited some good longevity genes. All you need is to get your hands on something called ‘goldboost’, it’s the other half of the LXP technology—”
“I got goldboost already.”
“What about your daughter?”
“I got treated while I was pregnant. I was told she would get the benefit too.”
“Damn. You two might live forever.”
Once more the idea that death might offer some solace for my loneliness was snatched even further away.
“Wha- what about her kids?”
“They only get the base LXP. Goldboost doesn’t integrate in the gonads, that’s one of the ways they control access to true immortality.”
“You make it sound like the Life eXtention Program wasn’t a failure,” I pointed out.
“Trust us, it wasn’t.”
“But almost everybody who was injected, died of it.”
“There were thousands of experimental formulas. Only one needed to work – and that’s the one that went to the people at the top. It wasn’t always the LXP trial that killed the ones who died.”
This was not jiving with recorded history – but they had lived through the experience to bring me this eyewitness testimony.
“It wasn’t just one kind of stuff?”
“They used many individual candidates, and then there were combinations of those, too.”
“How did they get so many people to take the shots if it was just a big random trial.”
“It wasn’t voluntary. The people in control used the masses as guinea pigs. Many of the subjects died from what the were injected with, more were killed off when the experiment was over. A few of us lucked out and got the good stuff and slipped through the cracks.”
“If that’s how the LXP was developed, what about goldboost, where’d it come from?”
“Imperial tech. Good stuff, and with Terran LXP technology, not even the Gee Kay of Em has anything like this.”
It was a helluva lot to take in.
“How did you get boosted? That stuff is hard to come by.”
“Well, after…”
I related the experience that had resulted in me and Gloam being dosed with a forbidden technology – the two hunters fidgeting angrily as they listened.
“Fuckin’ bastard is lucky to be dead. I’d skin him alive for treating any woman like that.”
“I wish I’d learned some necromancy, I’d pull him outta Hell just so I could kill him again!”
My tale had omitted the part about Hel – the death seemed too grave a subject for a late night confab around a bottle of wine.
“Are you okay, honey?”
“I think so,” I answered very frankly. “Gloam’s father is a Princess of Equestria, I gotta keep it together so I can take care of the Princess’ child.”
“Helluva girl, I like her.”
Edna vigorously nodded her agreement.
“Mommy loves her to pieces.”
“She’s a fun one. You barely got her home and she tried to put a whammy on me. She wanted to know if I had candy and she thought I’d be an easy mark ‘cos I’m hurt.”
“I’m sorry, Beulah, that is so not happening. I’ll talk to her in the morning, at Chez Sparkle we do not hoodoo our guests.”
“Cool yer jets, I’m not exactly helpless. Didja notice her clean her room without you even asking her?”
I chuckled, realizing what had happened.
“It’s too bad your mother isn’t part of your lives,” she continued, “a girl like that deserves to have a grandma to spoil her.”
“Well, now she’s got two!” Edna averred.
“Gaia help us all!”
—
With my guests settled in the living room, and Gloam tucked into bed, I could finally attend to some interrupted business. A mechanical aid soothed away certain physical stresses and brought me to a state of relaxation. As I hovered on the border of sleep a random snippet of memory yanked me back into full adrenalized wakefulness. Did Edna remember to wash the vibrator?
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Late morning in Canterlot Castle found Luna fast asleep.
Warding the slumber of ponies each night had been harder work of late. For a month now there were bad dreams ahoof in Equestria that didn't even come from this world. As soon as she'd put the moon down in the morning she was ready for her rest. Coffee had kept her going long enough to pass on a few trivial matters to the day shift. She would not be holding court today with Celestia, there was no need to limit herself to a nap - she might even slumber the whole day until it was time for her to raise the moon again.
It was with some surprise that Luna woke to realize that she was in the old, old, nightmare scenario of being stalked in her bed. There was definitely an unexpected presence nearby. Her room in Canterlot Castle was heavily curtained to accommodate a daysleeper - she lay rigidly still in the dim room and stared at the ceiling far above her. She tried to recall what had woken her. A sound? Before she could gather her magic to telekinetically open the curtains and shed some light, there was a movement under the covers! Grabbing at the sheet to throw the linens from from the bed, she found something, or somepony, was kissing her thighs most brazenly, nearing her mare-parts.
“I will give myself to you, Luna,” the whispered voice was husky with sex, “if you can just get a message through to Tangent.”
The speaker's lips returned to Luna's legs, the gentle kisses traveling towards an untouched part of the princess' body, warm and delicate in their ministrations.
“Twilight‽” Luna scrambled to the head of the bed before her virtue could suffer sweet oral compromise and sat there gasping for breath. “Thou hast nigh afrighted me to death! What doſt thou?”
“If you will convey a message to Tangent I will give myself to you. Deal?”
“No, no, no, forſooth, verily and indeed, NO!”
Luna was wide eyed and frantic.
“Why not? Don't you want me? I'm not buying your 'asexual' charade.”
“Yes, I do, I do deſire thee. But also I love thee too much to bed thee and sin against thy relationſhip with the one thou truly lovest." She scooted a little further away. "Thou dost not love us, neither romantically nor fleſhwiſely, and we are not so venal a mare as to sate our own yearning to thy loss. Torment us not thus, precious one.”
“But he needs to know that I'm trying! I'll do anything to get a message to him. I can wait as long as it takes to bust through Celestia's spell. I've got centuries, I won't give up, I'm going to keep trying the rest of my life if it takes that long. And I know he is strong enough to wait too. But he needs to know that I am trying. I wonder if I should tell him to go into stasis until I get through? All this is my fault for trying to push him away so many times, so many times I told him I would find another. It's been weeks now, what if he—”
Luna had regained her composure and silenced Twilight with the light touch of a hoof on her lips.
“Becalm thy teats, my little pony. We sent him meſsage already, by way of Sir Leon. Some weeks thence – scant days into your separation.”
—
Luna stepped into a nightmare in progress.
The dreamer was running from a dream monster too terrible to submit to being named: it was his former rival Dylas, but now towering two and a half metres tall. Dylas' indescribable body was tanned and muscular, glossy with sweat, naked, and possessed of a bountiful bouquet of an uncountable dozen absurdly immeasurable fifty centimetre prehensile penii lunging hungrily from his groin. Roiling with unknown emotions, stars of infatuation gleamed in his bright, overlarge, eyes; the lecherous organs twining after their prey mewled and dripped with lust.
“Can't we just make war,” Leon howled, “not love?”
A dark figure stepped between him and the creature - a midnight blue alicorn with a crescent moon on her flank, surrounded by black clouds.
“Away thee, monster! We would have words with this one.”
“Thank you,” said Leon, panting, “you know it is with dream monsters, your own mind always knows what will turn your knees to jelly. What can I do for you? You are not by chance the 'Celestia' who has bedeviled my boon friend Tangent?”
“We are not she, though we know her.” Luna smiled without explaining further. “But we do bear meſsage on behoof of Twilight Sparkle to this Tangent thou speakest of. Twilight is banned entirely from dream magic and interworld portals are closed to her at this time. She works tireleſsly to circumvent this restriction. She sends her love, fervent and unabated, to thine friend.”
“I will not fail to pass that on to Tangent if we meet again.” Noting Luna's quizzical look he added, “Tangent and I are from different worlds and different times. Our meetings in dream-space are unpredictable.”
“We thank thee for thy effort, Sir Leon.”
“One question, Lady. Do all of you magic horsies treat your lovers as badly as Twilight does?”
—
Luna remembered the shame she had felt for ponykind when Leon had asked her that question. Best not to mention that part of the conversation to Twilight, at least for now.
“You did?” Twilight asked.
“Aye.” Luna nodded. “It was not easy to find him in his dream, but this thing we did, for love of thee.”
“Oh, Luna, you are the best! Thank you, thank you, thank you, I'm so sorry for throwing myself at you. I was at wits end.”
“Thou wert well beyond their ending, an thou aſketh us!”
“I'm sorry, Luna.”
“We know th'art direly beſtreſsed by thine current separation but as we have said, thou must keep thyſelf together to overcome. In a sense, we see this as one of our sister's abſurd tests.”
“A test?”
“She would bear the fate of Equestria on her own shoulders. But now she is unsure if your truelove is the pony mentioned in some half-forgotten prophesy, so she leaves the choice to fate. When thou succeedeth, surely she will take that as something of a sign.”
“I see.” The younger princess pursed her lips thoughtfully. “What message did you send Tangent?”
“Saith we unto him: ‘Neener, neener, Tangent, bucketh thou. Know that we, Twilight, haſt run away with Luna, for she art best pony. Hurr, hurr, hurr, goodbye forever, Twilight.’ But of course we jeſt. We sent him thy love and promiſe of hard work to break the spell.”
“Oh, you!” Twilight laughed “This'll teach you!”
She launched herself at Luna and kissed the princess full on the mouth. She tasted sweetness and lost possibilities on Luna's lips and found herself lingering. The kiss stretched to minutes, finally it was Luna who pulled away with a deep sigh.
“All thou haſt taught us,” she said “is to more keenly regret that thou did slip through our hooves. We comprehend the matter not. We honorably kept our feelings hidden while thou wert clearly not ready for an intimate relationship. And then thou matured: overnight as 'twere. And found love elſewhere.”
“Oh, Luna.” Twilight was humbled to see her friend's sorrow - sorrow that she could not cure. “I might have a theory about that 'maturing overnight' part.”
Luna snorted angrily and stomped. “Sordid sloppy cloacal congreſs uncomfortable and untidy!” she swore. “How could we have been so blind! ‘Special’ vitamin shots, we deem?”
“Yes, but technically I only have a very strong suspicion about some of the details. I'm not going to ask how you came up with that idea on your first guess.”
“Oh, mine siſter, what hast thou wrought?” Luna held her head in her hooves and sobbed. When she looked up at Twilight she was still weeping but her eyes shone through tears; her smile was lost and beatific. “Mine most precious Twilight, thou can in no wise comprehend how happy it made us when we saw how much in love thou and Tangent are. Our loſs, however it be engineered, can hardly be loſs at all in the face of thy happineſs. Do not dare to give up on him. Break that pernicious spell and bring him home. By my teeth and troth, he belongs at thy side, here in Equestria!”
—
The interview was nearly at end and Leon wanted to know more about these creatures. His friend was in love with one of their princesses and it irked him that he knew so little about them.
“One question, Lady”, he asked the messenger, “do all of you magic horsies treat your lovers as badly as Twilight does?”
Luna's cheeks burnt with shame. Just how badly had Twilight behaved towards her offworlder beau in the early days of their oddly troubled courtship? Twilight wasn't a cruel mare - Luna was certain of that, she knew it in her heart. What could have gone wrong?
She considered for a moment how to reply; she didn't have the whole story. Twilight's actions may have been clumsy (that was easy to imagine, she thought ruefully) or even unkind, but Luna would do what she could to improve Twilight's reputation, if only in comparison.
“Thy friend, good knight, is much beloved of the Princeſs, Twilight. For her sake I forgive thy impertinence, mostly. Learn thou something of ill use.”
Luna smiled at Leon and shrugged.
“Run,” she said.
A crashing in the brush signaled the return of the polyphallic Dylasbeast.
Raising her voice she called loudly, “tag us out, monſter, we have something for thy conſideration!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Years had spun past, dizzyingly.
I was searching a dream for Leon: not a shared dream of magic, this was the fever illusion of dark urges. Twisting alleys and Kafkaesque obstacles intervened wherever I searched. I needed him to fill something, I didn’t know what. I turned a corner and the dream snapped into shared magical lucidity – I was face to face with Leon, and the hunger in my groin told me exactly what I needed him to fill.
“Leon!” I called his name as I pounced. His hands came up in a defensive gesture and ended up cupping my breasts. I had my arms around him now, trapping his hands between our bodies, but he wasn’t squeezing, was not seeking my hard nipples. I ground myself against his thigh.
“Leon,” I repeated, “I can’t do it, I can’t survive like this. Its been five years and no sign of Twilight since your message.” The dream scene shifted and the dark alley was now an intimate pool of shade under a maple. Our clothes had vanished when the dream changed. “I need it now, I'm going crazy.”
“Tanna, no, stop this. I can’t, we can’t do this anymore, I’m married, get off me.” He pushed me away, gently but firmly. In spite of my desperation I had not the strength of a tried warrior, nor could my uncontrolled urges answer to his calm refusal.
Leon stood, but I lay on the ground, wept.
“I don’t know if I'm just turning into a slut or if something went wrong in the gender-swap spell. I can’t think, this lust is so bad. I want it to be you because I trust you.”
“Pull yourself together, Tanna, you can’t give up on Twilight. The moony pony said Twilight would break the spell. And I need to be able to trust you not to pull stupid shit like this.”
“Leon, I’m sorry, I can’t do this. If I keep on waiting for her there won’t be anything left of me if she comes back. I’ll go, I'll find someone or something willing…”
“Wait—” he started to call but I had already transitioned to alert, desperate, wakefulness. My breasts tingled with the memory of Leon’s touch.
“Dammit, is he ever going to forgive me for that? Or will I?”
I could have taken something to put myself into dreamless sleep and masturbate until I passed out, but I knew that would only buy me time, not resolve the situation. Drugs and self-pleasure would not abate this urge. It was almost as strong as my first time being taken as a female, the last time I had seen my Twilight.
As I saw it there were three possibilities. I could try to keep my libido under wraps with the faint hope that my behavior did not get too erratic. I could throw myself at random partners until one of them either scratched my itch or murdered me. Or there was magic. I chose magic and queued up a robot sitter for instantiation. Gloam probably would not even wake up while I was gone, which would get me half of the sitter deposit back. (And there goes the entertainment budget if she destroys another one.)
While I waited for the sitterbot I chose clothes carefully. Natural fibres, no metal, no plastic. Emptied pockets and pouches of metal and electronics which would be unwelcome. My only concession to the dangers of the night was a sharp wooden blade, carved to fit my hand, invisible to metal detectors and hopefully acceptable at the shrine I would seek.
Sitterbot programmed, I was ready to drift into the night.
“Just where do you think you’re going, Tanna?”
“You can’t help me Bear, you’re not equipped.”
“What would I need to acquire?”
Always logical, everything had an engineering solution to Bear. I could always count on his willingness, if not always his ability.
“Magic, or a penis. Preferably both.”
I was out the door without waiting for his reply.
Slipping through the city of night, my movements were largely unseen. A few times I felt the quantum itch that told me someone was idly looking at the feed for a particular street-cam as I passed, but it was infrequent enough I didn’t think I was tracked by anything hostile. No doubt, some of those glances were Bear. Though I might defy him, I appreciated his silent company, watching from the shadows. Sorry, I signed with my hand. If my destination existed as I surmised it must, he’d not be able to watch over me there . Keeping a low profile, I averted my face as a frame grabber archived a scene while I passed beneath a camera’s gaze; I skirted the occasional camera that recorded full motion. By roundabout path I came to where the shrine must be.
I knew this location vaguely from hints found in the library. I wouldn’t dare enter lightly but needs must when the devil drives. There should be a guardian on the path between buildings; the rune carved on my wooden blade would gain me admittance if I was challenged. The prayers I must improvise unless I find a guide.
A narrow aisle would take me between towers led to a forgotten square not on any map. My breath came in gasps, and I wasn’t breathless from any exertion, it was the need surging within me.
The empty nook told me the holy ground was unguarded.
I stepped from between cement walls to an open space larger than I would have credited. If I’d ever had any doubts, the secret existence of such a place put to rest the official party line of ‘no magic is real’.
Dimly I could make out a square grotto, trees around the edge and surmounted by blank walls. A hundred stories above could see a postage stamp of stars and navigation lights. The perfume of moss and grass filled the space. A cromlech stood here, two pale granite slabs, a third spanning the gap between, approached by a path of flat black stones. I had found Nature’s stronghold in the very heart of the city.
There was no priestess to lead my prayers, but instinct spoke. I stepped out of my sandals before setting foot on the mossy lawn. The rest of my clothes followed and I stood skyclad in the hall of the goddess. I stepped onto the path, tried to slow my breathing, calm my racing pulse as I stepped from stone to stone. From the last stone I took one more step. Two meters before the symbolic stone doorway I stopped. A sliver of new moon, sharp as razor, had slipped into sight at the apex of the dark well.
I raised my hands, my voice “Astarte, Aphrodite, I beg aid but I don’t know how to address you correctly. I don’t know what prayer or ritual you will accept. Intercession, I plead, for the sake of the love I share with my chosen! Let Celestia forgive me, let my Twilight come to me and take me home.” I could feel the moisture trickling down my thighs, could feel need rising to a juncture beyond retreat. It was instinct again that told me to dip my fingertips in the rivulet flowing from my hunger and raise my hands again to the sky.
,,This is the ritual,,
It was Gaia who spoke inside my head, not Aphrodite.
,,Mother,, I replied with a silent voice.
Without transition I found myself face down on the grass, gasping and breathless as if I had landed hard but no pain from any impact. The ground moved beneath me, heaved and swelled in waves. I could hear the trees around me sway, they were wild dancers. My eyes told me none of this was real, I closed them to embrace the invisible storm. I moved with the rhythm of the waves to stabilize myself and the action ground my pubic mound against a high spot in the emerald lawn. My body responded to the pressure on my clitoris, to the brush of cool grass against my breasts. My need moved to a state of erotolepsy beyond crisis. I yearned for the mystic ocean of power I had drawn from and almost touched when I was with Twilight. I synchronized with the undulation beneath me and the movement built stronger. I kept my eyes tightly closed for fear they would lie to me and tell me that the night was still, that the heaving surface was not really tossing me like driftwood off the ground to slam back down upon it. I knotted my fingers in the grass to anchor myself, buried my face in the green blades. The cool, living, musk of plant and soil was intoxicating and in mystic drunkenness arousal grew and blossomed to a silent thunder of climax. Again the dark ocean opened to my secret senses, but no longer distant, now it was immediate and present just beneath the edge of the mundane. I could press my palms against it and my being, my spiritual awareness was not quite inside my flesh. The mystic surface heaved in the same waves as the grass and the ocean supported me so that my detached spirit occupied almost the same space as my body but my existences on two planes were no longer tied together. When my still-wet fingertips made contact with the invisible sea the mingling of moisture to moisture opened the waves for my spirit to plunge and be renewed. Beneath the waves the movement was more subtle but utterly inexorable. Sinking into the shadows of power I could look up and see my body on the physical plane, still in the throws and tossed by the secret storm. Looking beyond the physical plane I could see the spell I had crafted binding me to Twilight, brilliant and untarnished, crackling with the connection between us. But all that I could scry of Twilight herself was that she yet lived and in this moment that was enough. I drifted towards the surface as the orgasm faded. Grasping at the power uplifting me, I pulled it close, embraced the ocean, brought the connection back with me. Slowly I found myself back in my physical body.
Echos of pleasure and release still pulsed through my nerves. As the lassitude grew I whispered a kiss, “Gaia, mother”, my lips pressed against grass and moss.
,,You will abide, child,, she answered.
The heartbeat in the earth beneath me still pounded in my ears.
—
They came for me then, as I drifted to sleep, two ruffians.
Dregs of the city with rapine in their hearts, they chose their prey poorly. A thin thread connected me to the power I had touched: barely aware of the new strength I used, I swatted at them with my mind. I was fully asleep before their crumpled corpses impacted the wall.
Author's Note
'Precarius' is a legit Latin word, with a legit subtily different meaning than 'precarious', the English word that descended from it. The English word has come to mean any fragile metastability; the older word meant something specifically only achievable with prayer. Vocabulary choice complaints may be directed to English teacher Mr Hansen at [REDACTED] Sr. High -- this one is his fault.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
A knock woke Twilight in the pre-dawn darkness, and the creak of an opening door. Once again she was staying in a guest room at Canterlot Castle to be closer to the exclusive collection of magic tomes she needed for the current phase of her research. She certainly did not expect any early visitors.
The last traces of sleep departed when she heard a slurred voice call for her.
“Oh, Twi-liiiight…? Art preſent?”
“Luna? Is that you?” she replied cautiously.
Oh, no, she was thinking, is Luna wanting to take me up on that stupid offer I made? Is she drunk? As tantalizing as the memory of Luna’s kiss was, Twilight knew she didn’t really want to fool around unless it would help her reach her goal sooner. Maybe just once, if she could not break the barrier, to send a message that it would take seven years for the spell to implode. Maybe yearly updates, to let him know she was still thinking of him.
“Uh, about that crazy offer—”
“Twilight, prithee aſsist us lower yon moon.” Luna staggered into the room. “We are taken ill of a sudden… it is so cold…”
Twilight jumped out of bed and ran to Luna’s side. “Luna! You’re burning up with fever! You lie down for a minute or two and then we’ll lower the moon together. And then we’ll find a doctor.”
She guided Luna to her bed.
“Mmmm, it smells like you, Princeſs, and so warm.”
Twilight blushed at that remark – she had been thinking of Tangent and her hooves might have wandered as she drifted off to sleep.
“We will close our eyes for just one second.”
Luna was out cold immediately.
“Yup,” said Twilight to herself, “I saw that coming.”
Stepping to the little balcony she looked up at the mystic sliver of a new moon hanging above her.
“I can do this…”
—
“…don’t worry about a thing, your Highness. Luna and I will raise the sun for you together. It will be fine. Rest, Princess, and I will send the doctor to you.” Twilight closed the door quietly.
Outside Celestia’s room she closed her eyes and tried not to hyperventilate. On the plus side, it was her chance to make up for her tantrum at tea the other week. With bothprincesses on the sick roll the astronomy of Equestria would be in her hooves.
—
“I will, of course, need you to make some small subversions to their majesties’ care.”
And of course it would be Dr. Gudlun on duty this morning.
He cleared his throat. “Miss Sparkle. Princess. I am ethically compromised due to my behavior in your treatment. I regret my actions and I am completely under your control. But I will not be induced to hurt the princesses. You may kill me or expose my shame but I will not raise a hoof against my lieges.”
“No, you silly foal!” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I need you to make sure each princess continues to think that her sister is helping me take care of her duties. Neither of them can know that they are both sick. That’s the only way to make sure they get some rest and get better. Half the castle staff are sick, do you really want two feverish princesses staggering around and trying to help? I think even you can get behind this plan.”
“Yes… And who in fact will be helping take care of the sun and the moon?”
“There are only three of us who know how, and two are down with fever. You will also be supplying me with some more of that lab grade amphetamine and telling me how to use it safely. Less dangerously. Whatever. I’m probably not going to be sleeping much until they are better.”
“I can’t win, can I?”
“You will be instrumental in their Highnesses’ recovery. What more do you want, to bed one of them? Both? I know for a fact that Luna prefers mares—” she leered “—but I know I don’t need to remind you to keep patient information confidential.”
“I think I liked you better when you acted like a freemartin.”
“I don’t need you to like me doctor. I need you to help me take care of the princesses.”
“Yes, Princess.”
“And when this is over you are off the hook. I can’t blackmail you forever, and I won’t try.”
“Ah… thank you? I truly do repent that I let my enthusiasm to obey to the crown override my duty to treat you properly. If it any consolation, there should be no permanent physiological harm.”
“There was damn near permanent harm to the universe from the poor choices I made when I got off the medication and experienced all of the emotional roller coaster of the years of puberty crammed into a week of torment,” she retorted. “All of the new sensations, new feelings, new urges compacted into a wall of confusion and anguish. My body going crazy, using my mind as a plaything. My intelligence, the one part of myself that I. Truly. Value. brushed aside by a physical need that should have grown naturally instead of landing on me like a comet strike! If that wasn’t exciting enough, I fell in love and was so confused that I treated him like crap .”
Twilight stopped herself, forced down her growing anger.
“And you wouldn't believe what I did to him once I stopped relying on foalish emotional lashing out and really tried hard to push him away.”
She paused again.
“I do acknowledge,” she said tightly, “that you acted without malice. I think that is about as much friendship as you can ask of me until some more time has gone by.”
The doctor bowed low, out of respect or to hide the tears running down his face.
—
The next two days were an unending whirl of work and the entire royal routine was a shambles with so many ponies ill. Twilight had the sun and moon to juggle, royal duties to cover during the day, and the nightguard to supervise at until dawn. When she wasn’t otherwise occupied she helped medical staff caring for the ill. There would be time for her magical research later.
She even held diplomatic audiences in Celestia’s stead.
“I’ve apologized,” Twilight said to awilderbeast dignitary from far away, “four different ways for the delay. And still you repeat your demands to see her Highness Celestia. If you are unable to delay your mission while her Highness is indisposed, I am fully able to simply deny your requests. Perhaps instant resolution by way of a fast ‘no’ is preferable to waiting for a possible ‘yes’.”
The ambassador stammered, trying to reply.
“I didn’t think so. Her Highness will be delighted to treat with you when she is able. In the mean time, stay well, and wait like everybody else. Dismissed.”
—
By the third day, the situation in Canterlot was much better.
After personally checking her highness’s vital signs, Dr. Gudlun hesitated to leave her bedside.
“I have the results of my research, Princess, if you feel well enough to hear.”
“I do, thank you doctor. What did you find?”
“I screwed up badly, Princess. Nopony should ever be on libido blocker medication for more than a year at most.”
“You were following my command, the mistake was mine. What happens?” Celestia had tensed. “She was on it for over a decade.”
“All of the libidinous energies that are blocked flood out almost all at once, usually over the course of a few days. It also freezes sexual maturation – not physical, behavioral. Her body should be perfectly healthy but she might have acted somewhat juvenile in expressing her new feelings.”
“Juvenile? I am afraid, doctor, that the Princess has been downright infantile in some of her behavior.”
“Er, yes, I see. The product has been recalled due to these side effects. It’s never been used for more than three years and those tests had poor outcomes.”
“Centuries ago, there was a similar medication, but it did not cause an unhealthy accumulation of need. However did she endure?”
“She probably has a naturally low sex drive which minimized the impact of a sudden release after so long,” he offered, “possibly borderline asexual.” Instinctively he tried to hide the glimpse Princess Twilight had given of her suffering. Surely she would not want her mentor to know how close the cessation of treatment had driven her to breaking.
“No, doctor, that theory doesn’t ring true. I think she is a perfectly healthy young mare with a good strong sex drive. She also happens to have a will of iron. The kind of willpower that holds back the impossible. The kind of willpower that does the impossible. The kind of willpower that will not allow her to accept failure.”
“Shit.” This time the doctor did not bother apologizing for swearing in the royal presence. “Did she get into any trouble?” Maybe Twilight had shielded him from the full truth.
“And then she snaps.”
“Shit,” he repeated.
“It would seem she resisted the outpouring of new feelings as long as she could and then looked for release. She brought back a strange consort from another world, surely you’ve heard talk of that. What the tabloids do not know is that he may well fill a prophesy as a destroyer of Equestria, so it was of that necessity I banished him. She’s trying to get him back, but she will not find my barrier spell easy to break. How soon she breaks the spell may reveal just how this fellow fits into the prophesy.”
“That helps explain how hostile she was while arranging for care for you and your s—”
Gudlin stopped himself – too late.
“Is Luna ill too, Doctor?”
“Yes, your Highness. She’s recovering very well and should be able to resume her duties tomorrow.”
Celestia pondered silently.
“I’m sorry, your Highness, for the deception,” he appended after a moment.
“Yes, I suppose you are. It will have been Twilight’s idea, regardless,” she said absently, “but how do I tell Twilight that I am sorry? How can I convince her that I am sorry enough for what I’ve done to her?”
—
Luna looked worlds better when Twilight checked in on her, but still regaining her strength.
“Leave us for a small time, we prithee,” she said to the nurse attending her.
When she was alone with Twilight, she paused for a moment longer before she spoke.
“Twilight we must pose you a difficult question. We awoke in your room, exhauſted from the breaking fever, and with no memory of what went before. Did we try to do anything improper—”
“No, Luna. You were sick and feverish and came to me for help. As a friend should do.”
“Hmmm, that is well. We thank thee for caring for us in our illneſs.”
Twilight’s cheeks burned with shame that she had suspected Luna’s intentions for even a second. Her eyes pricked with tears as she bent low, low, and touched her horn to the floor.
“Always, Princess. I will serve you, I will serve her highness your sister, and I will serve Equestria to the utmost of my life and ability,” she vowed, “and beyond. I swear by Equestria, I swear by—”
Luna had slipped out of bed, gently raised Twilight’s head and silenced her with a hoof touching her lips.
“We doubt not. But it seems to us ill that you enter into such eternal oaths. The final quietus is a bleſsing not to be cast lightly aside.”
“I will serve,” Twilight repeated. “I cannot turn my back on the needs of Equestria.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“You snore, sister.”
A toe prodded me gently in the side.
“Twi…?” I sat up, dazed with sleep. In spite of the lateness of the year I had slept soundly, naked on the grass. Something more subtil than any blanket had kept me warm. “Twilight?”
The distant square of sky shew grey with predawn and framed the figure standing over me. My eyes focused and I saw a tall woman, not Twilight. She was as naked as I, here in this holy space, and smiled down at me past dark, heavy, breasts.
“I don’t need to ask you if your supplication was heard.” There was a hint of rich laughter in her voice.
I touched my face, felt dried saliva, glanced over my body and saw leaves of grass, smears of dirt, some blood where my elbow had scraped white granite, more grass on my thighs.
“Not the physical signs.” Now her eyes were closed and I sensed that she communed with the holiness surrounding us through the touch of her bare feet on grass. “Even a raw novice would have felt the song and storm in nature last night. Not many feel the touch of the sacred so literally.”
She put her hand out and I took it; she pulled me easily to my feet. Standing a good fifteen centimeters taller than me, she inclined her head down to kiss me. I reach up to place my hands on her sides to steady myself as I raised my lips to meet her greeting.
“I am Isha, priestess of the shrine of Aphrodite. Well met, sister,” she said.
Those eyes. I looked up into them like I was falling. They were so dark and warm, full of life. For a moment I almost staggered, only my hold on her strength, the warmth of her pressing on my wrists, held me upright.
“W- well met. My name’s Tanna. Did you guard me long?”
“I stood by your side, Tanna, only to be near one who has felt the great mother’s touch. You had some small trouble with the wildlife?” she gestured towards a tangle of limbs where I had flicked the intruders. They hadn’t been a touch of nightmare.
“Ugh, that was real? I barely noticed them.” I thought of the unpleasant task of dealing with the bodies. “Do you… need help with the mess?”
“Let them rot as warning to their kind. It is not good that the scum dared trespass. Come, I left water and a cloth by your clothes.”
“Thank you.” I coughed. “Oog, I think I swallowed a bug.”
“The sacred grove is not for mundane picnics but a light snack to sustain you for the ritual is not frowned upon.” She spoke seriously but I sensed her humor. Everypony has to be a joker I reflected as I walked out of the sacred space.
I was glad to clean up a little. As I scrubbed with the wet cloth, Isha put her hand on my wrist. Long fingers held gently and turned my arm to expose the inside surface. She ran the fingers of her other hand over the scars and wounds exposed there. The scaring reached almost to my armpit and the back of her hand brushed my nipple as she felt the old, and new, wounds. She looked at my other arm which I had instinctively clamped to my side. I bit my lip and turned the arm so she could see the inner surface. One of the wounds had been infected and still was ugly, though healing. After examining with careful touch, she looked me in the eye.
“Some of these were deep. I see suture marks – do you have good access to medical care?”
“I have access to information. I do the stitching myself. Fewer questions. Am I… do these make me unworthy to be here?”
Too ashamed to hold her gaze any longer, I looked away and noticed the scars peeking around the curve of her arm a little below her armpit. Exploring them, I saw that they were cleanly healed and not fresh.
“I see. It’s a grim road, sister Isha. Turn back if you can.”
“I don’t walk that road. I did this to help me understand those who are so compelled. Can I counsel one I cannot comprehend?”
The notion of someone cutting themselves to try to understand was novel. Judgment I had experienced plenty, and condemnation. But never such a frank curiosity.
“Really? Did you learn anything?”
“I did. The pain was intense and from that I learned that I must respect the mental pain that drives sufferers to seek such dire comforts. Let me tend to your wound, the one that is still inflamed.”
Her fingers traveled along the lingering gash and the heat and pain faded away under her cool touch.
“Do not,” she said, “take this healing as license to risk worse injuries.”
“You aren’t going to tell me to stop entirely? Or cast me out for having done it in the first place?”
“How can I cast you out after Great Gaia has come to Aphrodite’s shrine to bless you. And how can I tell you to stop, without knowing why you do a thing. Did. I think you will find yourself changed. You have turned a corner this night and the sun rises on a new day.”
“Day? Shit! The sitterbot, she’ll take it apart! I’ve got to go!”
“Speed then, sister, but panic not.”
I finished an abbreviated wipe-down and started to don my clothes.
“Tartaus! All natural handspun cotton my hoof!” My top had come apart along the seams. I held up the detached fabric fragments as tiny wisps of disintegrated threads blew away. “They used synthetic thread to sew together their organic cloth.”
“Take my blouse. It will be much loose at the bosom, but at least you’ll be covered. I keep a robe here for watch on unexpectedly cold nights, and will wear it when I venture forth.”
“When can I return your clothes?”
“Take watch with me on the night of the next new moon. You are ready to endure the shadows of the Dark Night. Usually a neophyte studies for years before entering the grove alone; you would benefit from knowledge to compliment your strength. I will stand with you and teach.”
“Is it often dangerous? Standing watch?” I make a point of not looking at the fallen hoodlums.
“Rarely. And to you, indeed not at all. You just killed two men with only a thought last night.” That wasn’t my power, I protested silently, something else was flowing through me. “Anything that can defeat you now will not be much slowed by a domicile door, or your arcology’s security.”
“Do you always talk like that?” I paused for one more second before dashing away to find out if the childcare robot was broken. “All formal and priestess-ly?”
“Nah.” Her eyes sparkled with humor as she shook her head. “Just part of the gig.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Thank you for taking time off to attend our little do the other night,” he said as he pushed a small cart into the Ponyville Castle secret library where Twilight was working far into the night, “it really meant a lot to my fiancé and I. Of course we hope it was no impediment to your efforts.”
“It was no problem, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Twilight replied.“But why are you here? And why the silly get-up?”
Discord was wearing a Prench maid costume in skin tight, glossy, latex; the tiny miniskirt was too short to cover the rather substantial bulge in the hotpants he wore under it.
“Because it is two in the morning and your tummy is growling so loud I could hear it over Flutters’ howling. She is asleep now, and so, voila !” He whisked the cover off the dish revealing sandwiches and a steaming mug of tea.
“Wow, service under a bell! Thanks, Discord!” Twilight dove into the snack.
“By the way,” the princess said after her first bite, “I’m sorry about Celestia razzing Fluttershy.”
“No, no, no, little Twilight, it is not your responsibility to apologize for my ex’s behavior,” Discord said kindly. “Her heinous’s rain has been ever frot with such perils—” Discord snickered at his own use of homophones of questionable reverence “—and my beloved handled the Princess quite competently.”
“I don’t know what ‘Shy said—”
“(Nor need you)” parenthesized Discord.
“—but Celestia looked like she was about to blow wine out her nose!”
“I believe that is an accurate evaluation of her condition.”
“Anyway, I suppose I should get back to work. Thank you for the snack.”
“My pleasure.” He bowed. “And how does go your magery?”
“It’s progressing. I’m not going to push myself to the cracking point unnecessarily, I’m not staying up for days on end but I’m keeping pretty busy.”
Discord had his own opinions as to how much effort was or was not necessary.
“I don’t suppose you’d be able to help?” she asked after a moment.
“I don’t dare.”
“No worries, you don’t want to anger your ex I understand.”
“You understand nothing little Princess.”
“I beg your pardon!” she exclaimed. “That was a bit salty, wasn’t it?”
“Pardon granted.” He waved his claw hand in an airy gesture of gracious dismissal. “I should hardly blame you if there are a few gaps in your education.”
“What gaps? I’ve studied almost everything there is to study.”
“I imagine the topic of moi was not covered in depth. For example you might not know that in addition to my exemplary interior decorating skills, I don’t mix at all well with either time travel or prophesy.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let us start with basics.”
Discord snapped his fingers and they were suddenly floating in the midst of nowhere. Twilight frowned to find herself in the body of her pre-teen self, though she was somewhat mollified to find that she had her wings.
Nearby, a stream of water flowed from, and to, infinite distance without so much as a ripple.
“Imagine time, little Twilight, like a stream, flowing perfectly smoothly.”
“Laminar flow,” she commented, trying to sound very wise.
“It’s a rather weak metaphor, but the best I’ve come up with. It seems to me like there is another flow of time, time outside of time, and I don’t pretend to understand what is going on. But imagine that this flow is disturbed.”
“By what?”
“Maybe a foalish young mage time travels for dessert and spends a five bit coin that was minted in Celestial Year one thousand thirty three back in the year one thousand twenty nine because that’s when the ice cream shop which imported the berry ice cream that she loves so much shut down.”
“Oh.”
She hadn’t thought of checking her money before spending it in the past.
“What happens?”
Discord swept his hand through the water, disrupting the flow, leaving ripples and tiny whirlpools behind.
“Turbulence. Chaos.”
“But you like chaos! That’s what you live for.”
“Oh, I like chaos all right! But this is the kind of chaos that kills ponies, and I do not like that. A foal looks both ways before crossing the street to see what the excitement at her father’s ice-cream shop is, and is crushed under the wheels of a cart that literally was not there when she looked. The team pulling the cart never see her. A mage adds the reagents to his vat in the right order, but due to a time swirl they get there in the wrong order. Boom. A mare is a little too froward, remembering a date which hasn’t happened yet, driving away the stallion she would have married, and a family is never born.” He paused for breath. “I’m sorry, I’m getting a little upset. Each little whorl of disordered time casts events out of sequence. The results can be fatal.”
“I caused all that?”
Discord slapped his paw down onto the table. When he raised it, a five bit coin remained. Year one thousand thirty three.
“You’re welcome.”
“How did you know? How did you stop it?”
“I have a very keen sense of detecting anachronism; it’s one of the ways I avoid causing time disasters myself. And—” he cracked a grin, almost returning to his typical lighthearted self “—I happen to like some of the same flavors of ice cream as you.”
“Why’d they go out of business? Everypony loved their ice-cream.”
“I had to pressure the proprietor to relinquish the coin you left in the past. He thought that the Royal Mint had made a mistake and he was going to display to coin to attract customers. In spite me paying a hefty premium to take it off his hooves, the experience soured his attitude. Customer service suffered and the business failed.”
“But that forms a loop. What was the causative event?”
“Best not to think too much about it. Better yet, don’t mess with time without a very good reason.”
“What about my time fight with Starlight Glimmer?”
“It is a miracle that you pulled that one off, you may colour me impressed. I’m surprised we didn’t all end up as sentient quesadillas with tentacles.”
“Eww. Wait a second. If you can’t do prophesy how do you know what would have happened?”
“Those were examples of what can go wrong. You can be sooooo literal, little Twi-Twi.”
“I guess I never know you felt so strongly about ponies.”
“Being in love can change a monster. And what good is chaos without my ponies to be entertained by it?”
“You aren’t a monster, Discord, not anymore. And since when are we y our ponies? What happens if you time-travel?”
“I think timebreaks .” He slapped the floating stream with the flat of his scaly hand, causing the entire flow to shatter into cascades and loops and crossflows. “I haven’t tried it, but it would be worse than just a little stirring up. What happens to a mortal pony if one minute he is thirty years old, and the next minute he is five thousand, and then thirty again? He’s dead. What happens to an office building if the cornerstone reverts, however briefly, to primal lava? How long can a pony stay sane if she lives the same day a hundred times? A million? That’s if I time travel. Now, if I dabble in prophesy what happens is the worst possible outcome takes place. You don’t think Celly defeated me that first time without a major tactical blunder on my part? Do you still want me to try to help you with your prophetic problems?”
“Uh, no! This has been very informative, Discord. Why hasn’t Celestia taught me any of this?”
“Because disparaging a former lover behind his back is beneath my liege’s dignity.”
“I know that! I meant the time stuff.”
“Simple. You have now greatly surpassed your mentor in this topic.”
“You mean I can teach her something‽”
“No!”
Discord stomped his one cloven hoof.
“Ahem, I mean, no, Twilight.”
“Don’t you trust her with this knowledge?”
“You can answer your own question. What happens when Celestia realizes that the only way to prevent the fall of Equestria is to prevent its founding?”
“Oh, by the goddess.”
“Yessss,” Discord chuckled darkly, “but you won’t need to worry about facing the great mother in your sin if you are never born.”
“But, just like a pony, a country can’t live without dying someday.”
“This is true. It is also true that Celestia cannot watch Equestria die if there is anything she can do about it. In her grief and madness she would uproot time itself rather than watch the fall of this land.”
“Who’s disparaging their ex now?”
“I am merely speaking frankly and honestly to the pony who is Celestia’s most likely successor.”
“Me? But Luna—”
“Oh, pshaw!” Discord exclaimed primly. The top hat and monocle made for a strange contrast with his maid costume. “Her nocturnal Highness is an excellent pony, but if Celly dies, you will find yourself saddled with the crown before it even cools from the warmth of her brow.”
“Nonsense! Celestia has to live forever, she is Equestria. And Luna—”
“Will probably be the first pony to swear fealty to Queen Twilight of Equestria. Fealty, and absolute obedience. Quite a pledge, from a mare as attractive as her.”
“Discord! Tangent and I are married!”
“I do beg your pardon, Princess, I was only teasing. But how did you manage that? I don’t recall being invited to the wedding.”
“Uh, Celestia caught us, sorta, doing it. And we swore by her name—”
“Oh, ho, ho! Would you believe that I wrote the law that gives her the right to declare any couple who swear, acoit, by her to be wed? I got it through both chambers of parliament and she granted the royal assent, thinking that she’d never be an expression. I’m glad she got some value out of my efforts. I was ejected from the house of lords not long after.”
“For what?”
“Oh, some procedural quibble about insurrection, chaos and death, and attempted regicide. The kind of stuff I don’t do now days.”
Discord’s halo, still cracked from Nightmare Night, sprang to life, but without the angelic chorus to welcome it.
“Okay… but even if you didn’t know we were married, you know that I have a colt-friend for the first time in my life.”
“Again, I was just teasing, flipping you some guff, as it were. I do believe I read somewhere that good friends can do that. And an energetic young lady like you could surely handle both Tangent and Luna.”
Did I just call him colt-friend, again? she thought. Having a husband will take some getting used to.
“You’re hilarious, Discord!” she chuckled. “The worst part was, Celestia banished him back to Terra before I was even done doing him!”
“Surely you mean, him done doing you.”
“Uh, we were kinda swapped. I’m surprised you don’t already know all about it.”
“I try not to spy on other ponies, er, pardon me, I mean just ponies. Consider that your license to get a freaky as you want and never, ever , tell me about it.”
“Uh, thanks, I guess.”
She could imaging some fairly freaky juxtapositions involving that particular cast of three.
“Thank you for the lesson,” she said with a bow, “thank you for the visit, and thank you very much for the snack.” Only crumbs remained as Discord collected the plate and mug. “You know, I really can take care of myself.”
Discord paused at the door with his cart.
“I know full well that you can , friend. I also know you very often do not .”
Twilight knew he was right and said nothing more as he left.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The month passed quickly slow. I looked forward to seeing Isha again, wondering if we were friends or merely teacher and disciple.
Gloam and I made our way through the city as afternoon closed in towards evening. There were enough people on the street that we did not stand out. We dodged into in the alley leading to the shrine unobserved.
I stopped at the nook halfway down the narrow path to the shrine. Isha arrived almost on our heels.
“Hail, sister,” I called softly.
“Well met.” She ignored the proffered garment to embrace me with a firmness that answered my question. “It is well you bring the little one – let her learn too. Her age?”
Now she accepted her blouse back.
“Five. I hope to be offworld before she is old enough to watch the nights alone.” It was very easy to slip into Isha’s oddly formal speech patterns. “I long to be reunited with her father.”
“Tell me of him, what man would leave you to raise a maid alone and seek your comfort in the kiss of a blade?”
“Her father is of another world.” I didn’t mention that my daughter’s father was typically a female in that other world. “Twilight is great mage there, and the elect student of the god-queen Princess Celestia. We are separated because our union was not pleasing to Celestia, though in sooth I know not what our sin was. (I may have disrupted an important festival in conjunction with the Chaos Lord of that world.) Twilight has not neglected me of will.”
“I’m guessing you probably don’t mean a space voyage. With years of stink and coldsleep and tubes up your backside.”
“Neigh, ahem, nay.” I laughed at my slip “We are not human either. Were not, at Gloam’s incept date, I mean. Obviously at this moment—” I held up one hand as if to demonstrate my current humanity. “And the road there is magic, no spacecraft plies those wyrd stars.”
“So Gloam must be named after her father. Does he know what a lovely child she be?”
The lovely child was momentarily out of sight – probably shinning her way up the cromlech.
“Twilight probably doesn’t have a clue that she might exist. Celestia interrupted us mid-consummation of our wedlock.”
“Bitch goddess! Aphrodite treasures the coupling of her devotees if only they honor her. Will the child be troubled by ritual nudity?”
In reply I gestured at the trail of Gloamwear littering the path ahead of us, leading to the shrine.
“Natural born nudist. I don’t know what I did wrong.”
“Or right?” Isha suggested.
“Or right.” I agreed as I folded Gloam’s clothing and placed it neatly in one of the cubbies I had not noticed at the rear of the nook on my first visit. Folding my own clothes, I noted how Isha crammed her own into a cubby without a thought. She chuckled at my unease and pulled everything back out to fold it.
“Sorry,” I said. “I don’t mean to be uptight.”
“It takes all kinds,” she said, “and I respect your discipline. Incidentally if you disrobe here, before stepping onto the grass, any synthetics and metals will be safe.”
“Thanks, that simplifies the logistics.”
—
I had hoped to dive directly into the brass tacks of sorcery. Instead, after prayers before Aphrodite we rather spent the evening on myth and philosophy; much stress was put on the importance of self control. I ached for knowledge that would let me use the power I knew lurked in the back recesses of my soul, in the hard bone of my hornbed. Someday I might gain the lore to cross between worlds by some route other than the Equestrian magic that had failed me.
By dawn I had learned more of patience than of presto but I was assured that my path was correct. I would learn much and in the process protect myself from such paroxysms of need as had sent me scrambling for a shrine to pray at. My studies of cryptoliterature had been rendered fruitless by the enforced separation of practitioner from researcher. At last I would be both. A small increase in practical knowledge would add exponential value to esoteric facts that had not benefited me before.
Somewhat mollified, I committed myself to a long, slow, path to power.
We dressed in the predawn and left together.
—
A nigh abandoned city seems doubly vacant in the early morning.
Like the call of a hunting beast, the howl of an engine echoed between the skyscrapers; it could be coming from any direction. We were halfway across the broad arterial street when the source of the noise became clear.
The speeder coming around the corner had to be doing at least two hundred clicks and gave no sign of slowing down for the pedestrian crossing. Rather it was aimed right at us and accelerating. Isha threw herself in front of Gloam. I drew myself up to my full height (such as it is), put my hands out in front of my body, and closed my eyes.
Gaia, I believe, give me faith.
The words flashed in my mind at the speed of thought.
The speeder’s turbine rose to a whining roar and then stopped. The only impact was a gust of hot, fume laden, wind and a slight Van Der Waals force on my palms. When I opened my eyes the speeder was stopped a molecule’s thickness from my touch.
“O goddess,” said Isha.
“Wow, mom!” shouted Gloam.
The speeder’s windows were coated with rich red on the inside, rapidly turning black. Slowly the dead vehicle began to roll silently away from us back down the gentle incline of the road. The chinking of armored windows beginning to crack, and hot metal pinging, were the only sounds to break the eerie silence.
“What. How. Explain.” Isha was flabbergasted.
“I didn’t meant to kill them, really! I canceled out the vehicle’s momentum by transferring the kinetic energy into the occupants of the vehicle as heat. But I messed something up; I thought I could see how everything fit together. Its probably going to explode as soon as any oxygen gets in from the windows breaking or the steel melting.”
She shook her head. “You made a math error and it affected reality?”
“Yeah, should have just freaked them out made them feel slightly flushed, instead of detonating them. It’s gonna light up the ObsSats like noon as soon as the heat reaches the vehicle skin. Let us become scarce before enforcers show up.”
“You can just blow them up!” Gloam was ready for a fight.
“Fie, daughter. We don’t seek out bloodshed. I just don’t hesitate if it is forced on me to protect my baby, my friend.” I glanced at Isha, who was looking faint. “Not to mention my own coat.”
—
“I thought you said you didn’t know much magic.”
Isha sat at my kitchen table, holding a steaming mug. Reinforced with a warm beverage and pastry, she was recovering from the shock of seeing serious magic deployed.
I dealt with the shock by keeping it compartmentalized, away from my active thoughts. I wanted to use my power – but not to kill.
Gloam had already scarpered off to her bed.
“Uh, that one mostly surprised me. I suppose that it could have ended up being worse than being killed on the road.”
“Perhaps you understand better the importance of my homilies on self control.”
“Yes, elder. But—”
Isha cut me off with a stern glance.
I bowed my head humbly. It was a challenge, this urge to hurry up and be patient.
“But, what?” she asked after a long pause.
“But if I had reacted any slower we’d be dead.”
“What if you had killed innocents with your mistake?”
“As long as I’m not being foolish, it’s the assailant’s fault.”
“Bit of a chaoist, are we?”
“Yes! Duress is the root of evil, and what greater duress is there than to take life away from a sapient being? The fundamental right of any mind bearing creature is self defense.”
“Tell me, if you had sent the speeder flying like the two at the shrine, what then? It could have punched a hole right into the side of an arcology and exterminated a family.”
“It didn’t happen.”
“Skill, or luck?”
“That much was skill. I was not being careless. The only ones who suffered—”
“They brought it upon themselves, I agree. They rolled the dice on our lives, and paid with their own. My concern is whether you put anyone else at risk.”
“Nope. More hot chocolate?”
“Nah, I’m beat. Can I crash here for a few hours?”
“Of course!”
When I stepped into my bedroom to grab a blanket for the sofa, she was on my heels. Yawning hugely, she undressed and slipped under the covers before I could say anything.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, eyes already half closed.
For a moment I hesitated, wondering if I should clarify my intent or simply occupy sofa myself.
She was out before I could reach a decision; instead I ended up stripping down and forgoing my usual sleepwear. Cautiously, I approached the other side of the bed and lay down.
I had already spent the entire night naked with this woman, but lying in bed with her nearby was so much different than sitting at her feet as she taught me. I’d never be able to sleep like this…
—
When I awoke the priestess of Aphrodite was gone. The message she left behind consisted of a single word: “Moondark.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
A fortnight had passed since illness had struck Equestria, six short weeks since Tangent had been taken from her. Twilight returned to the Canterlot Castle library to continue her research. There were books that few had access to – she couldn’t just send a runner to copy down the required passages for her. Scarce had she begun to dig into the day’s work before Celestia strode in.
“Good morning, Princess,” said Celestia. “Are we still feeling civil today?”
With Tajrahaz still out of town, the white alicorn had time, and attention span, to check in on Twilight.
“We are.”
Twilight bowed.
“And I apologize again for being such a brat. You’ve been very kind and gracious, our differences notwithstanding. I hope that we can continue to work together effectively even if we are at cross-purposes regarding my personal life. You seem to be completely well, my dear teacher.”
“Yes, thank you, I am feeling almost entirely better. And you student, you look to be satisfied with your research.”
“I am. Very, in fact. How fares your own research into why so many mares, and it seems to me their stallions too, were affected? Affected by love-talk that should have stayed between Tangent and and I. I’m still willing to help with that research.”
“Noted, appreciated and declined, my dear. It is better that we keep the investigation isolated from anypony who was part of the incident. What I really wish,” said Celestia, “is that I knew the exact words he spoke to you before your -ahem- vigorous amorous encounter.”
“Oh that’s easy, you should have asked,” said Twilight, semi-distracted by a page of the counter-spells she was developing, “It was crazy hot. You saw how hard we were going at it in spite of your distraction.” Unconsciously she thrust her hips. “Mmmmmm. You want a copy too?”
“A. Copy. ¿Too?”
Now there was concern in Celestia’s voice.
“I had it calligraphed to hang on my bedroom wall. I could get a copy for you, you can read it to your yak. Rawr!”
“Oh, Twilight, dear student… have you not noticed that this spell was immensely powerful and profound in its implications to our entire land? Who did the calligraphy, were they affected? I hope they didn’t mumble it out loud while they wrote!”
“Yeah, no problem, Discord was immune to it (maybe not if we have ‘Shy recite it!) and his penmanship is very nice. His illuminated capitals in particular commemorate the event exquisitely. If you look closely, they are animated.”
“Pardon my hyperventilation, dear student, I may just have the vapors.”
Celestia sat.
“I don’t suppose arming Discord with that spell really makes him any more alarming than his own intrinsic nature does. But I certainly wouldn’t like to see him decide it was a challenge to be bested.”
“I have the scroll with me, I haven’t remembered to take it out of my pack and hang it, back home.” Twilight magicked it out of her saddlebag and floated it over to Celestia. “You can read if if you think it might help you understand why Tangent’s words and my magic combined like that.”
Celestia evinced a mixture of curiosity and trepidation as she started reading. Within seconds she was squirming on the settee. Before she was half done she had covered her face with her hooves and was peeking out to read the words. The occasional squeak emerged. Finally she levitated the scroll back to Twilight, looking as if it might bite.
“Goodness! He didn’t need spells for that at all. ‘Lofty tower, sacred flower, inner bower, hidden hour’, oh me, oh my word. Combine his words with your magic and its a wonder that stallions didn’t get pregnant too.”
“Ha! Imagine his surprise if I told him we were having a foal as a result of me doing him ! You could knock him over with a feather.”
“Mayhap you should take a pregnancy test before you banter so merrily.”
Twilight was instantly morose.
“Just in case I fail,” she sighed, “I wish I did bear his foal. But I know of certainty it is not so. So I must not fail.”
“I am sorry, Twilight. Reading the future is not so simple as checking the right book out at the library. Would that I could welcome him to Equestria. Regarding that scroll, I’m invoking state arcane secrets act. You may keep it if you secure it better than Luna’s stash of contraband spells that you raided. Do n o t hang it on the wall unless it is the wall of a very secure sex dungeon. I specifically deny permission to expose Cady to that fervently fecund flourish of florid prose. If you wish to question my decision about Cadance you may consult Luna and if you convince her I will hear your arguments.”
“Neigh, I absolutely concur with you about Cadance. I am pretty sure that she won’t want to hear it anyway. She chided me once for speaking too much like Tangent.”
“In the mean time, I feel a growing need to attend to Tajrahaz soon.” Celestia cleared her throat. “I suppose we should be thankful that the spell did not pair me off with some stallion, you cannot possibly imagine what complications would arise were I to give birth to a foal.”
“I’d think it would benefit both the realm and your rule to have a proper heir on tap.”
“What I wouldn’t give to be so blissfully unaware of courtly intricacies, my dear. Now, regarding your counter-spell against my barrier. I am still willing to accept your triumph as something of a sign, much as the timing troubles me.”
“Understood. I have enough faith in you not to waste my time randomly beating my horn against it and expecting something to happen. I have this organized.”
Celestia looked more closely at Twilight’s notes.
“What is this? Multiple spells at the same time? Five?”
“There are five root spells; they combine into twenty three endpoints. I’m using a directed acyclic graph of ontological synthetic ordinal constructs to optimize the time division multiplexing attack. One spell at a time is not going to work, I have learned that the hard way. But with this, if you stand by your word not to update your spell (I know you will) it is only a small matter of time before the barrier falls.”
“Again I will urge you to be careful. I lack your certainty regarding this Tangent fellow… And you… my student …you are insanely, fearsomely, skilled at magic.”
“No, teacher. I am Magic. Not just the ‘element of magic’, that’s just a silly title. Celestia, I can’t offer you the deep surety I know, I can’t pass on the trust feel in every fibre of my being. But I have served you my entire life and you can take my confidence as your touchstone. Hooves, horn, and wings, I swear.”
“I doubt not your sincerity. But what if you are wrong?”
“If I were wrong, or by some impossibility turning against you, you would have far worse to worry about than one little earthpony.”
Not to compare Twilight’s spouse (Ah, was that a foalish move? Anger is such a betrayer…) but past experience had ensured that Celestia would never underestimate ‘one little earthpony’.
“Dear Twilight, I truly wish I knew it was safe to condone his presence in Equestria. But I see no evil behind the words he spoke to you, only the prophesy gives me worry.”
“From where did you source this prophesy of yours, teacher? I have studied the books of law, and the prophets, and the sages, from cover to cover. Yet I find nothing to explain what has compelled you to turn my life upside down.”
Celestia spoke in a small voice, almost contrite, as she revealed her ultimate crime.
“The duocorn.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
As usual, we spent the night of moondark under our tiny patch of sky. Hints of an aurora danced around the stars and chill crept down from the spaces between. Late spring was still cool, and we wore heavy robes to warm us through the night.
The lessons on the dark nights spanned language, lore, and liturgy, Isha teaching the same material to both mother and daughter. Naturally I was held to a higher standard. Tonight Gloam filled me with pride as she rattled off an Ode to Aphrodite along with me. Judging by her facility with these human studies, she’d be a natural at unicorn magic once she could get the training. It was a shame I couldn’t teach her any of the little I knew – I must trust the goddess to reward my obedience.
Bless my foal, I prayed silently, reverencing the holy one of Equestria in my thoughts. I could only hope that we’d be home in her world before it was Aphrodite’s specific mode of blessing which I might ask on Gloam’s behalf.
“Ready for a break?”
Isha’s question brought me back to the present.
“Sure.”
The word was barely out of my mouth before Gloam was out of her robe and into the shrubbery; she never tired of her nocturnal explorations in the more overgrown areas.
“Any thoughts on the lessons?” Isha asked. “It’s been a year.”
“I value your teaching and appreciate the effort you put into it.”
“I’ve been glad to have you both. But this is not the tutelage you yearn for.”
“Of course I want to learn the magic of Equestria. Until I can, I learn what is available.”
“Don’t expect me to teach you the Deplorable Word.”
“You don’t even know it.”
That came out a little less politely than it could have.
“Are you quite sure of that, neophyte?”
Stern of voice, Isha towered above me – more so than usual, it seemed.
For a moment I considered. It would be foolish for me to assume that I could assess the limits of her knowledge. But as her friend, I could sense—
“I am sure.”
—there was a spark of darkness missing in her soul.
“You could never learn it.”
A spark I feared dwelt deep within me.
“Correct,” she said, breaking into a smile. “I couldn’t, even if I had the chance. Healing spells, magic to sooth troubled hearts, I can teach you. Ending a world, not so much.”
I nodded my understanding and agreement. I would never choose to utter the word, but it was chilling to know that I could.
“Y’know,” I said, groping for another topic, “the Greek is actually helpful at work, it’s one of the languages I never studied before. We have some original quartos of Trismegistus and it’s good to be able to read the actual documents and check the accuracy of our latin translations.”
“Who’s that?”
“Ancient sorcerer. Centuries before Frer Tantivus, he was one of the first to seriously analyze the formulae in Al Azif. ”
“Necrowombicon!” Gloam shouted, poking her head out of a rhododendron near me.
I tousled her hair affectionately before she disappeared again, a naked shadow in the bushes. She was too young to know the horror of that which she mispronounced.
“I’d say that was all greek to me, if I wasn’t fluent in that language. You never talk about what you actually do , in the daylit world. What kind of job needs stuff like that? I know you aren’t a practicing sorcerer.”
“I’m semi-unemployed now, but nominally a research librarian, workin’ the dark stacks. Stuff I can’t talk about. And they don’t let us practice any of the stuff we research.”
“Nominally?”
“Library funding for esoteric services has been cut since Konig became the supreme guide, so I don’t get many hours.”
“I heard that old Kratar was sorta into some weird stuff before he was overthrown.”
“I can can confirm that. If he hadn’t needed people like me supporting his researchers, we wouldn’t have had any budget at all. I think he was probably trying for immortality, there are rumors his LXP didn’t quite take. They’d send my group very narrow requests and I’d send them extracts from the cryptoliterature, all very compartmentalized. I’m pretty sure that at least half of the stuff I researched was useless requests to keep anyone from figuring out what they were trying to do. What about you?”
“I’m a physicist at the high energy lab, specializing in nine dimensional brane mechanics. Some day we’re gonna grab a fold of spacetime and give it a tug!”
“What happens then?”
“Localized control of gravity and a loophole in relativity.”
“So, you mean like, better lifters for transport vehicles?”
“I’m talking macro-scale faster than light travel!” she said with an enthusiast’s grin, and then disclaimed, “uh, we’re a way from realizing that.”
“What’s macro-scale mean?”
“We can already send virtual particles through wormholes FTL. I’m talking about large shit like spaceships.”
“Ad astra a amor ,” I quipped.
“Without love?”
“I don’t think our lady is going to get on board a spaceship.”
“Heh, good point. Ready to get back to it? Give me the Greek alphabet, backwards. Gloam, c’mer.”
My daughter darted across the grass and skidded out, sliding to a giggling stop between Isha and me.
“My bottom’s cold,” she said.
“Get your robe on, child,” our teacher chuckled.
—
Through the night we studied, until the square of sky far above us began to lighten. The equinox was only weeks away and dawn came bright and early. Isha had suggested that she host the inevitable post-watch sleepathon.Teacher and students, we traversed the silent city to her place. Golden Way was closer than Oblique Path and we arrived at our destination without any untoward incident.
Golden Way, it turned out, was an arcology almost identical to mine. Identical design, different trim level, probably grown in the same factory, but easily a hundred years older. And showing its age.
“Occupancy is less than three percent,” she explained her choice, “I enjoy the solitude.”
The elevator ground to a halt three floors above her domicile.
“Getting some peace and quiet makes up for the quaint little drawbacks; about half of the elevator landings are inaccessible.” She strode down the left hallway. “Stairs are over here.”
This floor certainly looked abandoned, doorways un-doored, glimpses through showing empty domiciles; the spotless floors spoke to emptiness and not mere cleanliness. And we left no tracks, I noted with approval.
“Hey, Jeeves—” Isha waved at a cheap security node overlooking the stairwell “—guests. Approved for future access.”
“Yes, Doctor Myrtle,” a synthetic voice replied. “I have nothing to report, but I’ve started two coffees and a hot chocolate.”
“Thank you, Jeeves.”
It sounded like an off the shelf Jeeves unit, probably about as intelligent as a wristwatch. I’d have Bear discreetly boost her safeguards.
“I only own the one dom’ unit,” she explained as we approached an opening door, “but I extended my perimeter all the way to the elevator. Nobody comes up here but me.”
Isha’s dom’ looked more like an extension of the physics lab than a living space. It gave no hint that its occupant might also indulge in some less than scientific practices. Rather than wait for the grand tour, I followed the scent of coffee.
Thanking her Jeeves, I asked, “does she have a tray I can use to carry these?”
“No, ma’am, I suggest using a dinner plate,” the domestic A.I. murmured.
I gathered up the other drinks and went looking for Isha and Gloam.
In what should have been her dinning room, Isha was showing off some apparatus – a small metal frame held a row of dark metal spheres. As Gloam released one sphere, it clacked into the others and the one at the far end swung away from the others.
Clack, clack, clack, the motion continued at alternating ends of the thingy and Gloam accepted cocoa without looking away from the demonstration.
I gave Isha her coffee and carried the plate back to the kitchen. When I returned she was still watching Gloam watch the clacking spheres, and explaining the principle behind it as Gloam slurped her cocoa.
“Gloam should get to bed,” I said once the cocoa was gone.
“I’m not tired,” she yawned her reply.
“Uh-huh, you need your rest.”
“Can I use your shower, Isha? I have grass in my butt crack.”
I slapped my forehead. Of course she did, after sliding around naked on the lawn.
“Sure—” Isha was trying not to laugh too loud “—shower up and then crash in my bedroom, there’s room for all of us.”
“Throw your clothes in the auto, don’t just leave them on the floor,” I called after her.
I looked around the equipment filled room as I sipped from my mug. Ninety percent of the stuff, I could not identify.
“Don’t worry, I have a permit,” Isha said, affectionately running her hand across the enormous machine the sphere gizmo was sitting on.
“Uh, good?” I tentatively agreed.
“It’s a Quantum Arthrac, you dweeb. A particle accelerator.”
“Me a dweeb? You’re the dweeb getting wet about it!”
Instead of retorting, Isha blushed.
“I just really like physics.”
“Physics, huh.”
“But sometimes I feel conflicted between my role as a physicist and my duty as a priestess. Science versus magic, y’know. Duality.”
“Everything exists in dualism.”
Despite strong, sweet, coffee I was feeling drowsily philosophical.
“Not really,” she disagreed. “Some stuff doesn’t fit into any dichotomy.”
“So reality consists of things that are dualities, and things that are not dualities. That sounds like a duality to me.”
“Wait, what? No.”
“And if all of reality consists of a single dualism, then that could be wrapped into a monad, a philosophical singularity.”
“I call ‘bullshit’.”
“Isn’t all philosophy bullshit? I don’t see any conflict. No matter what theogony you embrace, no aspect of the deimatrix should be threatened by science. Science is just the worshipful study of creation.”
She looked skeptical.
“By taking it apart,” I continued, “and making weapons out of the interesting bits.”
“Like you can speak about weapons after what you can do – I’ve seen you kill, twice.”
“Touché ”
“What went wrong when you stopped the speeder? Do you know what your mistake was to learn from it?”
“Uh, physics isn’t really my thing, you know,” I admitted. “Instead of creating a barrier for it to hit (that’s what I’d do next time) I tried to stop it by converting the velocity to heat. You take the mass times the velocity squared and square all that, and that’s the amount of energy that needs to be dissipated.”
“Nuh-uh. You divide. Because of symmetry. Em times Vee squared, all that over two.”
“Yeah, that would do it. My bad.”
“It must have been thousands of degrees inside there.”
“They died instantly, fucking exploded.”
“I’m trying to wrap my head around it. In class, if you use the wrong equation you get marked down. But when you did it wrong, reality conformed to your error.”
“Back to the physics/magic duality. Maybe an avenue worth exploring.”
“Hold your horses, pony lover! Even if you care naught for the sanity of a mere scientist, don´t break physics when your daughter lives in this universe.”
I sighed.
“Not for long, Twilight will rescue us.”
“And if not?” she asked as she led me to her bedroom.
“Stopping a speeder turned out to be easy. Some day I will learn to step between worlds.”
The room was silent – Gloam was already asleep somewhere.
“I hope you do,” she said with a yawn. “You wanna be on top?”
I’d never seen a queen size bunk bed before.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
79-Canterlot Conversation Continued
“The duocorn,” Celestia confessed, “she told me everything.”
Her sin would have shocked most ponies to the core – if they even dared to believe in such a purveyor of forbidden knowledge.
“Sooooo—” Twilight pondered the implications, mentally shelving some for later discussion. It wasn’t the largest matter outstanding between them. The topic of medication, that she would demand answer when the time was right. An angry confrontation now would not help her be an effective researcher and her goal must be priority one. But the revelation certainly explained why there was nothing written about this particular prophesy. Twilight chose her words carefully lest she betray her own guilt. It was damning enough that she didn’t bother pretending not to believe in the rumored seer’s existence. “—that creature is really as old as ponies say it is?”
The twin-horned blasphemy could hardly be termed a pony and Twilight was unwilling to extend the courtesy of a gendered pronoun to something that was an affront to life itself. Memory of her own consultation with it sickened her.
“I was young, and she was already older than the hills. Of course I knew better when I questioned her, but I did so.”
“You choose to believe its words?”
“She doesn’t lie, Twilight, chancy as her advice may be.”
“I see,” Twilight grated. She didn’t want to believe what she had been told. “What did it tell you?”
“You know most of it already. A hero will rise—” Celestia gestured at Twilight with one hoof and then bowed to her “—she will take a lover from another world. They will be separated. Depending on the outcome, doom or hope.”
Twilight tilted her head in further inquiry.
“Fate will hang in the balance and his hoof may tilt the scale one way or the other.”
“But how? He’s just an earthpony.”
“And we have seen what can happen when he tampers with your power.”
“I won’t let it happen again.”
“What if he catalyzes your fall to evil?”
“That will not happen.”
The fierce light that flashed in Twilight’s eyes brooked no argument.
“Little one,” Celestia said, “never, ever let go of that fire and perhaps all my fears will be for naught.”
There was a wise sadness in her words.
“Celestia?”
“Yes, Twilight?”
“Tell me a story.”
“What?”
“Like you did when I was little. Let us set weighty matters aside for a brief moment, and you can tell me a story.”
“Yes. I think I would like that. But since you are a grown up mare, and no longer a precocious little filly, I will tell you something a little more daring than I ever have before.”
“Oh goody!”
For the moment Twilight really was setting her worries aside.
“Long ago, centuries, I had an intimate relationship with a baron. His baronial seat was a tiny castle, on a tiny island, in a large green lake, in the north country of Equestria. Lovely countryside. I enjoyed visiting him there to escape the bustle and politics and drama.”
“He was a good pony. A bit blunt, but he was exactly what I needed at that time. He helped pull me out of a long, dark, depression. We were political allies and eventually ended up between the sheets.”
“Was he any good in the sack?”
“Quite. Not overly romantic, not fussy and fancy about technique, but energetic. His preferred M.O. was to get me off, usually more than once, and then to, eh, go crazy, as it were. Very energetic. Most satisfactory. He was never my formal consort, but we were an open secret.”
“He was a widower, incidentally. We were not cheating on anypony.”
“And then suddenly there was a war, and I was busy, busy, busy with both the naval buildup and the political aftermath, it all seemed to drag on forever. Finally I managed to sneak away in hope of a pleasant diversion. I could, of course, have done so sooner, but I am not utterly irresponsible in matters of state. I took the old teleporter to the abandoned castle I once shared with my sister, galloped through the Everfree forest, and flew north. The moon was full, the night breezes were sweet under my wings, and my heart beat with eagerness to see an old friend and frankly to take care of a growing physical hunger. As I descended, I saw that his window was open to the night air and moonlight. I lit soundlessly into his bedchamber. Before he could so much as stir, I was upon him! Our lips met, and events proceeded as per nature. Soon his, eh, ‘lofty tower’ was quite fervent in its heat and he mounted me without so much as a word exchanged between us.”
“I was pleased that he might choose to go first this time. I certainly had not meant to neglect him in pursuit of my royal obligations and felt a twinge of guilt as he took me. Did I say that he was energetic? Mighty indeed was he that night and I partook, gladly, of his passion. At last he sprawled, breathless, at my back.”
“‘My dear Baldric,’ I said to him, ‘how enthusiastic you are tonight. That was delightful.’”
Twilight nodded her head as she eagerly followed the story.
“And then he said to me, ‘Baldric, my grand-sire, is twenty years in his grave. But who are you, lady?’”
“Oh, no!”
“Yes, I’m afraid it is so.”
“No, no, no, no, it can’t be, that’s awful!”
“Indeed. I never thought I’d be the kind of ruler who despoiled virgins on the eve of their wedding.”
“He wasn’t!”
“As it happens, he was.”
“How did his fiancé react?”
“Well, he snuck out into the night and spirited her out from under the very noses of her father and his stallions, and brought her hither to his bed. He confessed there that he sinned against her, and I too apologized, swearing that I had thought to find the young baron’s grandsire reposing therein when I went in unto him. She was willing to forgive him, and not break off their engagement.”
“Good, good, I’m glad it didn’t ruin everything for them.”
“But only if I would do her, too.”
“What! Of course not, you didn’t!”
“Of course, I did.”
“Really?”
“Both of them, all night. Morning found the three of us, unslumbered, full atangle in the ruins of his linens. ‘You have not named yourself, lady,’ he said, ‘let us have a look at you, nymph or goddess, whomever you be.’”
“You never told them?”
“We had been otherwise agreeably occupied. And as dawn was now just slightly overdue, it was still quite dim in the room. I stood at the foot of the bed with the window at my back, spread my wings, and raised the sun behind me.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped.
“Oh.”
She could hardly form words.
“My.”
Finally she spat out a breathless question.
“Whatdidtheydo?”
“Surprise, of course, would be an understatement. When I finally convinced them to stop apologizing, for I know not what sin, they asked how they might serve me me. I demanded that they love each other as truly as the love I had just seen, for so long as they lived.”
“Awww, nice.”
“And I am pleased to report that they did so.”
“What’s the moral of the story, Princess?”
“Er, it was just a thing that happened, my dear, there wasn’t really a moral—”
“I.D. the male,
the younger princess sang out.
Celestia’s laughter was like music and it hardly seemed possible that the two princesses could be at loggerheads.
“Perfect, my dear student, that must be the moral of the tale, or perhaps the moral of the tail. Are you satisfied by my telling?”
“I am, thank you for the story. We do have other matters to speak seriously about, Princess, but now is not the time.”
“Yes, Twilight.”
“After I have done what I must…” She left the rest unsaid.
“Again I say, wait as the prophesy commands and I will tear down the barrier spell with my own hooves. Neigh, in two fours less one of years, the spell will collapse of its own accord.”
“Still with the seven years?”
Twilight’s smile was broad but one eye twitched erratically.
“Certes, our love would endure such a delay.”
And then she laughed long, and long, and loud.
When her laughter quieted she continued, “but I dast not avow o’er much of our sanity.”
Celestia shivered. If only she could count on sufficient delay. Passing that one hurdle would free her of all doubt.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Grey sky, what little we could see of it. A fresh autumn breeze blew down the streets, but here we were mostly sheltered. The cooling final days of autumn found me at the shrine. Priestess Isha had not been able to teach me any of the High Sorcery I most desired – it really wasn’t her thing. But as her student I was nevertheless learning.
Gloam was at school and I was using my skills to assist with free clinic held at the shrine of Aphrodite. The goddess’s magic put holy power in our hands and one day a week we did what we could to cure and counsel any who sought care for their bodies or their hearts.
Capable now of minor healing spells, I handled some of the simpler cases on my own.
While Isha consulted in the grassy sanctuary, I used the curtained off nook along the tunnel-like alley which led to the shrine. Not all patients were members of our congregation, comfortable with the ritual nudity we practiced in the heart of the shrine. It was one thing to ask a patient to undress – it was another for them to find their raiment disintegrating entire because they violated a prohibition that all congregants would know.
—
Before me sat a fair woman, patiently naked in my improvised exam room – as I drew the curtain behind me I couldn't keep my eyes off her breasts.
“Uh, hi,” I said, trying not to stare, “I’m Tanna Sparkle, an Initiate in the cult of Aphrodite. By the grace of the goddess, I bring healing.”
“Diane Moster. It’s obvious what I’m here about.”
She had not failed to note my unwavering gaze.
“That looks so painful.” My own body was responding with sympathetic pain. “What happened?”
“Two hungry babies. They’re with my mother.”
Her nipples were red and angry, almost raw.
“You should have gotten help before it got so bad.”
“I tried at the state hospital. All they did was give me a prescription for a not-nursing-safe painkiller ointment and baby formula, and I don’t want to feed the boys that unless I have no choice.”
“Breast milk is best,” I agreed, “I’ll get you fixed right up. I have a safe herbal salve that will be soothing, and then I’m going to need to hold your breasts for the healing spell.”
“Go ahead.”
My carved gourd of Clop Salve was getting low, but this patient definitely needed it. Carefully I rubbed the zebra medicine into the hot, inflamed, skin.
Glancing at her face I saw tears on her cheek.
“Sorry, am I hurting you?”
“No, I’m crying with relief, you’re so gentle. The public health doctor just grabbed my nipple with no warning and squeezed to see if any puss came out.”
“What a bastard.”
“Bitch,” she corrected me as I wrapped my hands carefully around.
“I hope her gynecologist has hangnails. Any pain now?”
“None.”
“Good. The salve would get you on the road to healing, but while you’re actively nursing, we need to push things forward faster.”
Her breasts were soft in my careful grasp as I allowed magic to flow through me: my hands were the goddess’s touch, bringing comfort to those who asked in her name. Warmth suffused the aggravated tissues as healing took place. With a gentle squeeze I probed for any further injury but felt only firm, perfect flesh, ready to nourish her babies. As a natural side effect of the magic I used, and the proximity to the shrine, a certain amount of sexual energy was liberated, focused on our points of contact.
My eyes still closed, I recalled Twilight’s breasts when she was human. But if she came to me now, would she be a man? Maybe she was permanently male now, just as my change seemed to be permanent. I had no idea. I’d be fine with that reversal, I thought, happily imagining squeezing something entirely different than what my hands now encompassed. Twilight, in her stallion form, had been incredibly sexy. If only we could have finished before we separated…
“Thinking about an old girlfriend?” my patient asked.
“Oh! Sorry!”
I pulled my hands back; the sensual flow of magic had lasted longer than needed.
“The inflammation is gone now. And yes, thinking of a girl, and of my husband.”
She stood and stepped close to me.
“I could help you remember her. My husband doesn’t mind if I fool around with other women.”
“Th-Thank you, no, I can’t, thank you.”
Twilight’s touch, whatever form it came in, was what I yearned for.
“If you’d like to go ahead and get dressed, you are good to go.”
She made no movement to cover her nakedness.
“Thank you, I feel much better. Is this going to happen again?”
“It depends on how cooperative your sons are. If they keep biting, you’ll have to wean. After my daughter bit me the third time, her next meal was a broccoli and breast milk smoothie.”
“Ugh, that sounds awful.”
“Probably was. But she’s strong and healthy today.”
“Do I owe you anything?”
“Nothing. It is our duty and our pleasure to serve any who ask.”
“Not even a donation?”
“At this time no. Open your heart to Aphrodite and if she directs you, obey accordingly.”
“Thank you. The boys will be hungry soon, and I think my husband may find me unexpectedly enthusiastic tonight.”
“That, too, is the goddess’ work.” I could scent the effect that Aphrodite’s power had on my patient’s body. “Go in peace.”
Finally she turned to gather her clothes; I stepped beyond the curtain…
—
…hoping to vanish into the restroom and work through some of the lingering energy that was upon me, but instead I met Isha. She was just finishing up her weekly session with one of our regulars. There was nothing wrong old beldame that a good dicking couldn't fix; in the mean time, she showed up for prayer and counseling with the priestess.
“…or you could whip me up a love potion, yer holiness!” she cackled as she drew on her clothes beyond the edge of the holy ground.
“Ain’t happening, you’d do something terrible if I turned you loose with that.”
The slightly crazy woman laughed in agreement.
“Hypothetically, elder,” I asked respectfully, “what if she were to bring her intended with her, and they drank such a philtre together under supervision?”
“I tried that, dearie,” the ruddy woman chuckled, “but th’ holy woman wou’n’t have nothing to do with it.”
“Consent, Rosa,” Isha admonished gently before explaining, “she dragged in some poor drunk. Wanted me to fix them up.”
“Could you?”
“I could, if I didn’t have any morals.”
“I’d make sure he consented after the fact, I would!” Roza asserted.
Isha loomed even taller than usual, her gentle expression of rebuke replaced with harder disapproval.
“I’m joking, joking,” Roza deflected before Isha said a word.
“Rape is never a joke, Roza, not even when it’s woman on man. Now be good, stay safe, and we’ll see you next time.”
As the sound of footsteps retreated, I was ready to excuse myself before I got too desperate. Fate, or the goddess, declared otherwise.
“Close off the shrine, please, Tanna.”
“Aye.”
I strung the rope across the entry –it wasn’t a real barrier, just a request for courtesy– and returned to see Isha wanted.
“You can come out now,” Isha raised her voice. “All our other patients are gone for the day.”
A young man stepped out from behind a shrubbery. He was naked, covering his genitals with hands.
“I’m so embarrassed,” he said miserably.
“Waste of energy,” Isha said wryly. “We’re here to help you, not humiliate you. Pecker out.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Meanwhile, en route to the west coast of Equestria via a slow, scenic, train ride a yak prince enjoyed the late fall landscape. The triumphant final passage of Rachmaninhoof’s second concerto rattled out of the passenger car’s tinny PA system, contending with the clatter of wheels on tracks and the antics of playful foals.
Few yaks ever traveled so far from their northern homeland, yet another reason to appreciate being chosen as ambassador to Equestria. True, the glorious sights were a distant second to the love of the ineffable pony princess. Almost a goddess herself, it was beyond awesome that she had found a place in her heart for a mortal such as him. But when was love such as they shared, across age, across species, across stations, anything less than the touch of divine?
If only her heart were not troubled with other issues.
End of the world, or not, he was certain that she would feel much better once she had opened up to her student about a well meant oversight. If he was a betting yak, if such an individual even existed, he’d stake very strong odds that the princesses would both be happier once they talked everything out. Worst case, if the young princess did not forgive her mentor until the eventual reunion with her lover, surely matters would improve after that . Celestia could simply outlive their conflict.
Why hadn’t he thought to propose that she simply outlive his beard, as well?
—
Meanwhile, in Ponyville, five mares were having a brief meeting.
“Aintcha upset to be missing the air show with the Bolts?”
“Ugh, no. Last time I went to Coltifornia, somepony called me blue. And then he tried to pick me up, Ceesh. Tell me—” she reared and flared her wings “—does this look like ‘just blue’?”
“Welllll, sky blue, maybe like?”
“Don’t be crass. She is marvelouslyazure , darling.”
“Hmmph, tamat’r, tamaht’r.”
“Um, I was going to say cyan.”
“Or maybe cyanotic?” Pinkie leered and then made choking sound as if she was struggling for breath.
“Ew, no! That’s horrible, Pinkie!”
Dash barged between, thwacking Pinkie with her recovering wing. She need to work on getting the strength back, after all.
“Ouchth!” Pinkie said. She uncrossed her eyes and reeled in her protruding tongue. “That hurt!”
The wingstrike had knocked her backwards onto her rear and caused her to bite herself.
Now Applejack interposed.
“Cool it, Dash. Even if Pinkie’s a brat—”
“Hay! Who’s a brat?”
“—she ain’t as tough as you, so don’t bully no matter how much she deserves it.”
Rainbow Dash pushed –they both went down as Applejack tripped on Pinkie and hoofs flew.
“Who’s bullying—”
“I’ll show you who’s—”
“STOP!” Fluttershy shouted, her eyes closed and mane wild. The tussle ceased. “What is the matter with us, everypony?”
“Twilight.”
Rarity spoke calm and sad.
“Eh?” asked Pinkie from the bottom of the impromptu pony pile.
“We’re all so on edge trying to help her that we’re getting testy. Normally she would be the one we turn for guidance to but because she failed at the the thing that brought us all together, we have no centre. Think about it. We’ve been fetching books for her, we bring her meals, we’re covering her on-call time and Ponyville court and directing her domestic staff for her. But we’re all walking on eggshells, afraid to disturb her work. If we splinter, we’ll certainly be causing Twilight more disruption than we prevent.”
“So what you reckon we should do. We cain’t just stop helping her. Heck, she don’t even know how much help she needs.”
“Guys, what if we ask Glim-Glam? She’s pretty awsome at friendship now, and she outranks us.”
“No, dear, Twilight opened up to us in confidence. Who can say if we’re doing her any good, but the one thing we can definitely do for her is respect her privacy.”
“I agree,” Fluttershy said. “She’d be so embarrassed if the things she did ended up in the Ponyville Confidential.”
“Maybe if we—”
“Shut up, Pinkie,” everypony agreed.
“I’m certain that whatever you were going to bibity-babity about, would be the last thing we need in a crisis. And if we’re having a crisis, imagine what other ponies might be going through.”
The five, even the bibity-babity one, nodded in agreement.
“If we forget about friendship, we won’t be able to do her any good. Or anypony else. We must all pull together!”
Rarity delivered her summation as confidently as she could, in lieu of their actual leader.
“Now,” she said, “I believe some apologies are due.”
“I’m sorry for, um, shouting.”
“Goodness, not you, you were right to shout. I should have put my hoof down sooner. I meant certain other ponies.”
“I’m sorry fer jumpin’ ya, Dash.”
“I’m sorry I hit you, Pinkie.”
“I’m sorry you’re so fragile and easy to tease, Fluttershy.”
“Pinkie!” several voices rang out at once.
The brawl started all over again, but this time the pale yellow mare threw a helluva first kick. So much for “fragile”.
—
Meanwhile, in a damp cave, a grotesque parody of ponykind chuckled.
There was one individual she could not see, the lynch-pin of her plans, but the disruptions his movement caused were sufficient for her to intuit his position on the board. At the moment, the fool was beyond even her reach, but the force pulling him back to Equestria was implacable; dangerously so. The longer the two were apart, the more strange things might leak into the world from places between dimensions. Whatever crept in, it was no matter to her.He would eventually blunder into a critical spot. He alone would be able to defeat her plans. And he would fail.
After centuries, the pieces were gradually coming into position. No matter how long this had taken, she would beat the goddess at the great game and take what was hers. A push here, a nudge there, and the world –having become broken and deformed as her own body– would be her prize.
Yes, it was true, she never lied. And she had the ponies fooled.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Pecker out,” Isha commanded.
At her command he uncovered his groin.
“And try to relax, you came to the right place. The cult of Aphrodite has been curing junk rot for the last four thousand years. From the first time a Greek shepherd banged his livestock, or maid gave herself to a satyr, to now.”
He was still beet red with embarrassment, but Isha’s assertion gave him hope.
“In the old days,” Isha elaborated for my benefit, “half our patients would have been VD cases, I think this only the second one we’ve had in since you started helping me. What is your prognosis?”
The penis before me looked awful, and not just because it wasn’t attached to my Twilight. Bright red inflammation at the tip, an axis of hot agony extending down the centre of the shaft.
“Whatever he’s got is attacking the lining of his urethra. Blood in your urine?”
“Yes.”
“What did you fuck?”
“This is my first planet leave after re-upping with the Corps. A couple of the guys got me drunk and poured me in bed with– with a—”
“With a whore,” Isha finished for him. “It’s okay for you to be frank.”
“She seemed nice, and never asked for money.”
“Your buddies probably paid her when they set you up. Where do I find her? Did you catch her name? If she’s been infected long enough to be contagious, she’s in worse shape than you are.”
“I think her name was Nelly. She has a room above Havok’s Tun, a Marine bar down—”
“I know the place by reputation. You got this, Tanna.”
“Okay,” I said, “but are you leaving?”
“Honestly I’d rather take you with me, but I don´t want to keep Pvt. Parts waiting. Are you worried about being alone with him?”
“No, he won’t do anything.”
He wasn’t one to get violent with a woman, that was obvious to me. I could tell he was a good lad, and probably a lot less naïve about who he went drinking with than he had been a few days ago.
“Good, then I’m going. The girl needs help quickly.”
“Um, ma’am,” he said, “my mom always said that if I did something stupid and caught something, I should ask a priestess of Aphrodite to cure it.”
“You have done so, and this priestess has complete faith her understudy. You are in Mrs. Sparkle’s hands now.”
Isha stepped over the barrier rope and went to collect her clothes from a cubby. A moment later she was dressed and gone.
“I’m going to have to touch you,” I said when we were alone.
“Do you, uh, dislike penises?”
“I like my husband’s penis just fine. I just didn’t want to grab yours without warning. I can see you’re in a lot of pain.”
Careful as I was, he winced when I took him in hand. With skin to skin contact I got a better read of what was going on inside his body. I couldn't tell anything about the biology of whatever was attacking this poor schmuck’s wiener from the inside, but I could sense the damage it had wrought and feel his body’s fight against it. The flow of magic would turn the tide, boosting his immune system to exterminate the intruder and speeding the healing of inflamed, oozing, tissue. I whispered a prayer and began my work.
“By the grace of the goddess, I bring healing,” I intoned.
“This is your second time treating, uh—”
“I have cured more than the holy woman is aware of,” I said simply.
A moment later, “Is your last name really ‘Parts’?” I asked, by way of a distraction from the fact that I had my hands all over a stranger’s private parts.
Starting with the redness on his glans and working along his urethra, I allowed the goddess to guide me as her holy power healed and comforted. The exposed portion of wounded flesh surrounding the opening had lost its angry sheen and regained a peachy glow of health.
“Yeah. Boot camp was a real hoot with a name like that. Drill instructors thought it was hilarious. You can call me Mike.”
As I worked down the shaft I realized it was taking a lot more energy than I expected, fighting the infection along its path. Far more effort than the gonorrhea I had once cured under Isha’s supervision. I steeled myself to see this through, and centered my heart on the divine presence.
“Mike, I’m Tanna.”
By now most of the pain would be fading, and coupled with the stray energy upon me from my earlier patient, “You’ll prob—” his dick gave a twitch as it started to tumesce “—yeah. That.”
“I’m sorry!”
“Perfectly natural,” I said. “I can only imagine how much better you’re feeling right now.”
“Much better. Am I cured? I’ll never do anything that stupid again.”
“Not done yet, just the part that you could feel. Gotta wipe out the entire infection or it’ll just come back.”
I closed my eyes so I could focus on the depths of his urinary tract instead of the erection pointing at me. By now I had chased the infection entirely out of his cock; I released my grip upon it. I placed my hands on either side of the meaty shaft, continuing to trace inward along the path of harm. The mass of a gland surrounded the trail of urethral damage; my senses probed it deeper.
“Aw, shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s into your prostate and spreading towards your testes. This is worse than I thought.”
“Can you—?”
He left the question hanging.
“Yes. But I need to get closer in. Spit.”
I held out a hand.
“What?”
My gesture made it clear what I needed to do.
“Tanna, I’m sorry,” he said, “you don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I do. If I don’t finish this now, it’ll get into your bloodstream. And then you’re toast. Spit.”
This time he did and I didn’t hesitate. Two saliva’d fingers buried in his ass, my other hand around his scrotum, I could channel healing force directly to where the remaining harm was. Everything that had been healed before now was secondary to the injury here. I prayed aloud for the strength to finish my task.
“Aphrodite, mistress of love, as we walk the path of healing together, let me be your hands, let your power fill me and succor your son. The sickness before us will be swept away and this man will be purified by our touch, your servant prays, amen.”
Her presence surrounded us and all I could feel was compassion, Aphrodite’s desire that her children would know sexual wellness that they might honor her as was her due. Her spirit guided me to roots of magic, deeper even than her own might. Now we would make him whole.
There was a surge of power, cleansing, tension, healing, and the goddess spoke to me.
He is clean and willing, she said, sate yourself as well, and be at peace.
“Please, no,” I begged, still speaking in the liturgical tongue. “Not like this.”
The goddess’s divine amusement suffused my awareness; awareness which faded away in a growing swell of magic.
—
“Did you find her?”
Mike looked up when Isha returned. He was sitting on the grass, not far from where Tanna lay.
“Yeah, she was in bad shape. I took care of the ick, whatever the fuck that was, but she’s in the hospital.”
“Tanna said my infection was worse than she thought.”
“It was bad stuff. The girl thinks she fucked an alien, and I believe it. What happened here? I can see that you are cleansed.”
“She had her hands on me and the pain stopped, but she said there was more, deeper, and she had to cure it all or it would kill me.”
Isha nodded. She could imagine where the unknown infectious organism might lodge itself in male anatomy. It was frankly amazing that Tanna had completed this task on her own.
“I can see she was successful.”
“How can you tell without, um—”
“Without the laying on of hands? I can see the divine afterglow around you, and by faith I know that if the goddess touched you, you are made clean. What happened next?
“And then Tanna said some stuff I didn’t understand, it was all Greek to me, I think she was praying. There was a brightness around us, I had to close my eyes.And then– and then I came all over. It was the longest orgasm I ever had, it felt holy. Tanna didn’t make a sound and I realized that I musta spooged all over a married woman, but when I opened my eyes, she was lying there perfectly clean. I just been waiting here since then.”
Tanna had been positively twitching with need and somehow she had performed a massive working without accepting any relief.
“Priestess?”
The cured Marine seemed thoughtful.
“Yes?”
“Would it be alright if I came back here, and attended services, once I’m out of the Corps?”
“Of course.”
—
Breathing was the first thing I noticed; my own.
Before opening myself to other senses, I focused inward. If I had harbored any doubt that the goddess had honored my plea, the need still reverberating through every taught nerve assured me she had.
I sat up and saw Isha and Mike sitting nearby as if they had been talking
“I guess that got a little lively,” Isha said to me. She looked slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry for leaving you on your own; it was, indeed, worse than we thought.I commend you for being so determined and decisive. Through you, Aphrodite has touched this man’s life.”
I stood and bowed.
“Thank you, elder. I must go.”
“I will see you soon, Initiate.”
Yes, soon, maybe I could tell her about the magic I was researching on my own. It had nothing to do with healing the sexual misadventures of the flock.
But right now I needed to get my decisive determination domicileward to destroy a dildo before I detonated.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Two soldiers waited outside a meeting room.
“I’m late back from leave, missed my ship,” the Marine volunteered. “Probably going to spend the rest of my enlistment in the brig. What’re you in for?”
“I’m picking up a unit commendation.”
“Nice. I hope they call you first. Put the brass in a good mood.”
“Carotta,” the Terran Army trouper introduced himself.
“Parts.”
“No shit? Shoulda joined the Navy. Who the fuck wants to be called Private Parts?”
“Not me, but the Navy doesn’t recruit from Titan.”
“I bet you never heard the end of it.”
“Hell no. So my company XO was this one female 2LT and she was always hitting on the male Marines,us recruits and the Drill Instructors too. One day she calls me over, and I come running. She’s standing there with Sergeant Bowen and she says to him, ‘Wanna touch my Private Parts?” Well, he’s had enough of her bullshit and he kicks her in the fuckin’ pussy!”
“Shit, no way!”
“Well, I’ve got no orders, so all I can do is stand there at attention. After a minute she picks herself up off the deck and says, ‘Private Parts?’ and I’m like, ‘Yes, ma’am?’ She says, ‘As I stand here in agony, my cunt lips are turning black and blue. There’s blood running down my leg and it isn’t my period. Did you see anything inappropriate just now, Private?’. ‘Ma’am, no, ma’am!’ I sound off. ‘Right,’ she said, ‘I want you to assume the front leaning rest position and proceed to give me one thousand push-ups or die trying.’ That was the last time any of us ever saw her. She got sectioned out, and he was confined to barracks with us grunts. He was actually pretty chill for a D.I.”
“Were you on the Blumery Maguire? I heard two guys died of some dick rot nobody ever seen before.”
“I had it too, some poor girl kinda spread it around. I got cured by a magic lady.”
“Was it—”
The door to the meeting room opened, revealing the cadet who was errand monkey for the generals today.
“Carotta,” she said, “you’re next.”
—
“I healed the whore, though I sent her to hospital afterwards. She lost a lot of blood before I patched her up. Tanna was able to heal the space boy on her own, despite how bad it was. Have you ever seen anything like that, elder?”
The priestess spoke respectfully to the high priestess.
“The sickness? Never. And one with so little training curing it? More rare by far.”
“He says he ejaculated like crazy, but none of it hit Tanna.”
“With a bolt of magic like like up his backside, it would not have been unreasonable for him to come so hard that he passed out. But for the mystery of the vanishing semen, I think we can lay that miracle at our lady’s feet.”
She paused, and both lowered the heads in honor of the particular goddess they served.
“In your opinion, will Tanna make a priestess someday?”
“No, she really believes her husband will rescue her.”
“Do you think she is right?”
“She has to be right. Because, if she’s wrong—” Isha choked back an unexpected sob “—I’d rather die than see her broken.”
—
“Thirteen infected, eleven dead. One hooker, one Marine, survived.”
A pair of very specialized operatives were giving their after action report.
“Good work hunting the spreader down. How did anyone get cured? I thought we didn’t have any effective treatments.”
Not much was known about the disease. It was caused by a single celled organism, but unlike amœba it propagated by a three gendered sexual reproduction. Its widdershins DNA, and use of unusual codons, made it especially hard for unenhanced human bodies to fight off.
“The same woman who alerted the org that there was an alien amok. Priestess of Aphrodite. She used magic.”
Beulah held her hands before her, like a theatrical mage casting a spell. Wubba wubba.
“Shit, I wish we could package that for the unfaithful. Helluva way to die.”
The women nodded in agreement. Dissolved from the inside by an alien microorganism with a taste for human membranes. Yuck.
“It was the hooker who gave us our best clue. Said that one of her Johns was an alien. He left one of their triangular coins behind when he paid.”
“What denomination?”
“Exactly the one you’re thinking he used. The zero-coin they put under a dead person’s tongue, just like our ancients did. Ferry fee for the boat ride to Hell.”
“Fucking blue piece of shit. So he obviously knew what he was doing.”
“Of course he did, just like the last one. You know they don’t orgasm, don’t even enjoy sex. The only reason to fuck a human was spreading contagion on purpose, with the intent of killing.”
“What about their embassy, any trouble? Wait a sec.”
He looked at his console.
“This just came in. The marine who survived overstayed his planet leave and missed his ship. Marine Commandant gave him a choice between getting abandoned on Terra with his reenlistment annulled, or a flight home to Titan for a courts martial. Heh, his name is Parts.”
“I hope he stays. Priestess said he was a good kid, just needs to learn where not to stick his private parts.”
Even the superior officer couldn't restrain a snicker.
“Ahem, about the embassy?”
“A little push back, at first. Then we told the ambassador that some of the secondary cases were Marines, and offered to run it up their chain of command.He changed his tune. His government knows full well what Terran forces can do. They revoked the perp’s diplomatic credentials and gave him a running start out the back door of the compound. When we caught up with him, my associate shot him in the knees and made him dance before we disinfected the fuck—”
“Literally,” her teammate said as an aside.
“—outta him with a flamer.”
“How can he dance with no knees? I know the type of guns you ladies like to use, ‘cos I sign the req’s for your ammo. Big ones.”
“Aw, heck, sir,” Edna boasted with false humility, “with high enough voltage anyone can dance.”
Author's Note
“Patterns are madness, for the most part.” Michael Moorcock
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
It was late. The long tolling of the midnight bell was fading away when a key rattled in its lock. A light came on in a small bachelor apartment, a single low-thaum gem flickering to life in the middle of the room.
After another week trying to drown his worries in overwork, this was his first trip home instead of sleeping on a breakroom sofa. Stepping over the pile of mail waiting his attention, he almost didn’t bother grabbing it off the floor. Only the colour of one article peeking out from under the others bade him turn back and retrieve it all.
With shaking hooves the tired stallion opened a violet envelope.
Dear Dr. Gudlun,
I hope to speak to you soon in person, but I write to you now to extend my immediate, absolute, and unconditional forgiveness for the matter we have discussed regarding the administration of certain medications. I fully acknowledge that you had no malice, caused no physical harm, and were acting under appropriate authority who shall remain nameless.
I understand that you wish to keep this issue discreetly under wraps. I commit myself entirely to honoring your wish and should I ever fail to do so, you may reveal this letter to evidence my poor faith. (I do ask, that if the secret gets out, you make effort to determine if it was me who betrayed you. Because I won't! ) I further promise to testify in your defense should this ever become a disciplinary matter with the medical board. I will not allow you to suffer on my behoof.
Additionally, I heartily commend you for the exemplary service you rendered unto the Throne, the staff of Canterlot Castle, and the ponies of Canterlot city, during the recent covardvirus outbreak. Let nopony doubt your high standards of care! I will write up a formal commendation to be entered in your employment file when I get my hooves on some more official stationary, I’ve used all mine writing to request expedited site approvals in several zoning jurisdictions.
With heartfelt apologies for my portion of the antagonism which has occurred between you and me, I beg you to allow me to sign myself,
your friend,
~~Princess~~ just Twilight Sparkle
By the time he reached the end of the short letter, Dr. Gudlun could hardly read through the tears of relief flooding his eyes. He was out from under the shadow of his guilt. Waiting for the axe to fall, he had put his personal life on hold. Now his way was open to honorably approach a certain mare on the castle catering staff. He had good reason to suspect that he had caught her eye every bit as profoundly as she had caught his. He knew that she worked night shift – perhaps after a quick shower to freshen up he could meet her, after her work ended. There was absolutely no reason to hesitate further.
Hearthwarming was only weeks away, and who could dare to imagine what might unfold in that short time if she truly did share the attraction he felt. The sense of freedom and hope was a wave of pure euphoria; he waltzed a turn around his apartment before rearing and falling, laughing, backwards onto his small bed – too small, perhaps, it might soon prove.
Fully planning to leave it lie where it fell he threw all of his unopened mail into the air. One piece fluttered to rest on his nose.
In the warm glow of possibilities now opened before him, he almost didn’t bother to unfold the flimsy from staffing.
Attention: Gudlun, Kyle A., M.D.
Equestria Medical Placement Agency is pleased to inform you that your request for an expedited transfer has been approved. Per your request “as far away as possible”, you are hereby ordered to report to the steam brig T.M.V. Arkham II departing in two day’s time for the South Pole. The Arkham II is berthed at the R.R.I dock in the lower city riverfront. For a standard three year tour of duty, your cargo allowance for personal goods shall not exceed…
Two day’s time? The notice had been delivered two days ago and his departure was only hours away!
Instead of sleeping for a planned twelve hours after his triple shift, Kyle found himself frantically arranging lading and haulage for his possessions. Substantial gratuities were needed to bring it all together. A pair of carousing longshoreponies were just barely sober enough to liberate the proper one-cubic-meter-net shipping crates from an inadequately secured drayage yard. The property manager was willing to allow the doctor escape the lease on his apartment: several of the manager’s family members had benefited from the doctor’s care during the previous viral outbreak. An accommodating (for a fee) less-than-cartload hauler was woken and rattled his way across the nighted cobbles to deliver hastily filled crates to the proper warfside. A former classmate forgave a pre-dawn disturbance and agreed to liquidate the rest of Gudlun’s furnishings for a share of the proceeds.
At last his remaining worldly goods were stowed in the steamer’s hold and he found himself sitting at the small inbuilt desk in his third class cabin. With only twenty minutes before they would cast off, he had just time to pen a quick note and wave down some dockside lounger who might, for a tip, be amenable to conveying it on his behoof.
“Miss Medlar,”
he wrote, then paused. He didn’t want to come across as arrogant or bothersome or creepy or desperate or any of twenty two other possible misperceptions. If only he had been able to speak to her, really speak to her, just once. Perhaps the interest he thought she displayed was mere gentle manner, or entirely his imagination. He must be honest about his intent in writing, but hopefully not scare her away. It would take months for her reply, if any to reach him. As he pondered these thoughts his head slipped down to the surface of the desk.
—
Night shift ended in the second tower late kitchen. Once again she would make her way to a lonely rented room in Miss Priddy’s Boarding Home for Single Mares. Was it some unknown restraint that silenced the handsome doctor, or disinterest? Perhaps tomorrow she would simply ask him.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Two years, almost, of study, catechism and ritual, had not turned me into a fully trained sorceress, nor would this tutelage ever do so, but it had earned me the right to stand with Isha, as a lay speaker of the shrine of Aphrodite. At her side, I would recite the prayers before today’s service to demonstrate my learning. The regular congregation in the small temple did not number many, but it was an honor to speak before them.
“Sister Tanna will lead us in prayer today.” Isha had been back on her feet for a week now, but still recovering. She was relieved to let me take this role today, to save her strength for the ceremony. “Sister.” Gently she placed her hand on my shoulder. Whether she was signaling me to start, or steadying herself, I leaned into the electricity of her touch.
“Αφροδιτη, thou patron of love and beauty,” I began…
—
It was at least an hour before the time of gathering when my daughter and I arrived at the shrine. Gloam had run on ahead of me. Ish’ would be waiting already, so I didn’t worry, but I was surprised not to find a trail of her clothes littering the final approach to the green heart that beat so secretly in the city. Instead, I found her still fully dressed, at the verge of the grass.
“Gloam, show some respect, don’t clown around.”
“Hey mom, watch this—” she stepped across the sacred bourne “—ouch!”
For a moment she stood in a cloud of fuzz and fluff, the remains of her clothes.Man made fibers, long chain molecules never intended by nature, had snapped throughout her entire outfit, reducing fabric to tiny shreds, hard plastic buttons to dust. The energy of broken chemical bonds was released as a flush of sudden heat; charge separation driven by the the sundering of instantaneous dipoles of uniformly oriented molecules had discharged across her skin like a full body static shock.
Gloam was slapping at her arms and legs when I rushed to her. Brushing at the residue clinging to her skin, I found no evidence of actual injury and my heart rate ceased to peak.
“Silly child,” Isha murmured, rising from a mat where she might have been meditating or drowsing, “are you hurt?”
“I don’t think so?” Gloam was hesitant.
“No harm done,” Bear assured us, speaking from my satchel, safely outside the forbidden zone.
Metal, semiconductors, synthetics. These things were not welcome on holy ground; very tangibly unwelcome. I’d warned her enough times in the time since our first trip to the shrine. There’d be no doubt about it now.
“It didn’t sting me, before,” she confessed.
“Before?” Isha and I demanded together.
“I tested with one sock, to see what would happen.”
“So that’s what I found in the grass after the equinox vigil.”
“Scientific method!” said Gloam proudly .
“Well, clean it up, science girl. Lab upkeep is part of science, too.”
—
Gloam was still at work cleaning her mess as celebrants arrived. She swept up the last fragments of perished sythnthose and stood at the rear of the gathering of skyclad worshipers. From my spot near head of the sanctuary I caught her eye and twitched one corner of my mouth in a quick half smile. It was my first time speaking before the gathering and I found it a daunting prospect – but I couldn't chicken out with my daughter watching.
Many of the regular congregants were well known to me, but today there was a larger group than usual: Isha would be marrying a young couple who had met under conditions unsavory, but their lot improved after joining the congregation here. She, a programmer in a pointless government bureau, and he, a shopworker selling grey goods in a grey city, had found love blossoming here before the goddess of love. A sometime barfly, and a washed out space marine: just another miracle.
The wedding was simple, not much more than the promises and a pronouncement. But first Isha would formally introduce them. During my prayer they had been out of sight; now they stepped into view on the far side of the stone doorway symbolizing the passage between the sacred ground of the shrine and the greater mystery of the forbidden grove.
As they stood, apart from the congregation, Isha gave a brief account of their lives and origins, neglecting some details that no longer seemed relevant. Then came the oaths, solemn and sincere.
“Your next step begins your ‘happily ever after’, not a destination but a journey.”
She threw a handful of leaves and resin drops on a bed of low coals simmering in a ready thurible. Incense billowed, a swirling, opaque cloud, wrapping around the stone cromlech and spreading wisps throughout the entire shrine. Barely visible in the midst of the opening there seemed to be three figures where there should be two.
“Come forth,” Isha beckoned.
The lovers stepped forth. For an instant before the narcotic vapors closed behind them, I glimpsed into the grove and sank to my knees in awe at the sight.
“You have stood in the presence of Aphrodite herself,” Isha declared, “walk with her and love will guide your steps always.”
I rose to my feet as they stood, hand in hand, before her. No longer blindingly thick, the smoke was spreading throughout the entire gathering, it’s intoxicating effects a distant second the the joy all felt for the newlyweds.
Isha wobbled slightly, paused for a breath. Now it was I who put my hand on her shoulder to steady her; again the tingle of skin on skin.
Saving Isha’s life had cost me deeply in both effort and compromise; now I spent as much time with her as I could, lest her health relapse. I’d come so close to losing my best friend on Terra. I had counted on her many times, in her need she would be able to count on me. There could surely be no other excuse for my frequent presence than safeguarding her well-being.
The short service was drawing to a close.
Isha placed leafy crowns on the heads of the now wed young lovers, stifling a gasp as she raised her arms. A look of concern passed like a shadow across the bride’s face.
“I’m okay,” Isha mouthed silently. The sutures were out, but a small surgical scar now marred the otherwise flawless ebony of her belly. In a few more weeks the residual aches should be gone. “Just a twinge.”
The bride’s smile returned to its full brilliance, full of the glow of the divine.
Now, the newlyweds lead the way forth, followed by the rest of the congregation, as Isha and I stood on the green, watching. The procession would take them all to the feast the bride’s father had prepared. Beulah and Edna were in the crowd; they waved, probably expecting to meet me at the wedding feast. It was a pity that Isha’s health required that we miss it.
“That was beautiful,” I said after the last had gone.
“Yes, it is,” Isha agreed, squeezing my hand before releasing it. “What can we do for you?”
One young woman had lingered behind, waiting near the cubbies where clothing was stored safely outside the shrine.
“Um, my husband and I, we kinda— and I was wondering— can you—”
“Initiate Tanna,” Isha said, “would you be so kind as to see if Laurel is pregnant?”
“Of course, elder,” I said, “come with me.”
Leading Laurel to stand between the two rough pillars of white granite, I began the examination. Eyes closed and fingertips on her lower abdomen, I could sense her health and fertility.
“When did you make love?”
My nose told me it was recent.
“Just a few minutes before the wedding. We’ve been trying for a while, and thought that here at the shrine, well, um—”
“You were correct, the timing was perfect, and your body is ready. But it might take a little longer for his seed to reach your ova. Where is your husband?”
“Waiting for me out by the street.”
“I’d like like you to go get him. You should make love here in the shrine, after appropriate prayers to our lady. Today is the day and another load or two will—”
Something was happening and the ground tilted.
Strike that, it was me tilting; I nearly fell, but did not lose consciousness. Beneath my touch conception took place and my active perception opened my eyes to the wonder of that moment and a glimpse what the future held.
Without opening my eyes I described what I was seeing.
“Your son is working in space, I don’t know what year it is, but he is confident and mature in his thought. He thinks of the location he is at as a Lagrange point station, whatever that is. He’s working outside in a spacesuit and looking back at Terra and the moon, the planet is back-lit by the sun and the moon looks so small in the distance. His wife went into labor just as his shift started today. It’s two weeks before his tour of duty ends, but he knows that you are with his wife and he’s not worried.”
The vision faded and I open my eyes to see that Laurel’s husband had joined her. They were holding hands, aglow with delight even stronger than the couple who had wed here today.
“Rise, Adept,” Isha said, “rise and bless the new parents.”
I stood and led the two through the stone doorway into the inner sanctum of the forbidden grove, and prayed over them. A spark of life had formed even as I watched, and I had glimpsed the future through the eyes of their son.
“If she’s already pregnant, does that mean you don’t want us to do it again?” the husband asked.
“Indeed I do want you to. Twice more, if you have the stamina for it. Celebrate the conception of your son and honor our lady.”
The goddess was with us and her holy presence made itself known. On the male side of the equation, his cock sprang to full, straining, erection in a heartbeat; on the female side, hormones coursed and rivulets of prequim ran towards the ground. Laurel stumbled into her husband’s embrace, her damp legs weak with lust.
“May the goddess be with you.”
I left them to finish the rite without me.
—
“Where’s that little mænad of yours gotten to?” Isha asked after I cleaned up from my unsated collateral arousal.
“I told her to stay back, out of the cloud, when the smoke started.”
“She didn’t. I’ll go find her.”
Isha’s illness was mostly past, but I still worried about her state of mind – there was a certain lackadaisical casualness to her lack of worry about her own health. Another reason not to tax her strained resources with secrets far deeper than the mysteries of Aphrodite.
“You sit down,” I said, “I’ll track down my wild girl and then we’ll get you home to rest.”
But then again, who could stay sane in this world?
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
“If you write internet fan fiction, take care that your chapter names do not give away too much information.” A. Lincoln
86-Chapter 86
“Welcome back, Taj, and thank you so much for handling the bridge opening for me. That was not how I expected it to go. At least you missed the illness going around here in Canterlot.”
She would have responded to the terroristic bombing with magic; unable to do that, he had dove in (literally) and helped the survivors.
“My pleasure, dearest.”
He nuzzled slightly against her – no more than was proper and decent. They weren’t in the privacy of their rooms.
“Other than being away from you for these days.”
He had volunteered to preside over a ribbon cutting far across the country in Coltifornia. In theory he would save Celestia from needing to travel, with full entourage, so close to Hearthwarming. When the bridge had suffered explosive demolishment during the opening ceremony, he had lingered. Officially he was working with the EBI as they investigated the blasts. In point of fact his continued presence had proven comforting to the ponies.
“I shall make it up to you somehow ,” she said and winked her sultriest, hoping Hoovwißt wasn’t looking. “How did the locals react to you?”
“I think my species was quite a novelty to them, but they were of course disappointed not to have your callipygian Highness—”
“I hope that’s not what my ponies like about me,” she muttered.
“—to cut their ribbon for them. Of course their attitude improved in consideration of the foals I saved after the disaster on the bridge.”
“Well done, that, my Prince. Here we are.” She turned her head and accepted a single kiss on her cheek. “We can brunch together after morning court.”
“Of course, your Highness.”
—
“Have you made any progress towards explaining matters to your student?”
“No.” Celestia looked uncharacteristically glum, despite an expertly toasted cheese and jam sandwich ready for her brunch. She poked it with a hoof, uninspired. “Every time I try, either she won’t speak to me, or she’s acting up like a spoiled foal.” Her lips twisted to a bitter chuckle of self mockery. “Or I chicken out. I could have pressed the issue when she said we would speak later. Her parents even offered to tell her for me, when I told them what had happened. I refused, I must do this. Is there anything I should know about the bridge incident that will not be in the EBI report?”
“I may just have understated the degree to which my initial welcome was a bit chilly – the Duke of Coltifornia is now terrified that I must think the explosion was a personal attack aimed at me. What did the parents say?”
“They forgave me, of course.” Celestia grimaced – she hadn’t forgiven herself. “They remember the panic in Canterlot as young fillies and colts vanished. And the greater panic as the bodies were found and rumor spread about their condition. What is your opinion on the blast?”
“I agree with your investigators, it was intended for you. I was there instead, and the opposing forces probably decided that using the charges for the wrong target was better than leaving them to be found. The panic in the streets was why her parents agreed to the treatment in the first place, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. The suppressant was one of several ploys we used, attempting to keep young ponies safe. It turns out that it was the only effective one, but we did not know until he was caught and fully investigated. His final three victims were still alive when we captured him. It took a very persuasive interrogation to extract their location from him. Tragically they did not live long after they were rescued. I saw your picture on the cover of the paper, you were great.”
The photo showed the prince swimming for shore with no fewer than five small foals standing on his back. By the time the picture was taken, the young ponies had almost forgotten their brush with death and were enjoying their yak-ride to safety. And by the time he reached shore with his charges, any hesitance their elders had felt in their welcome of the royal consort was well and truly evaporated; he was a hero now.
“Thank you, I thought it a rather good likeness. Did the survivors succumb to their injuries?”
“No, they committed a triple suicide and used dark magic to slay him in the prison where he awaited execution.”
“Ghastly,” the yak said. “And so the young princess’s parents were more grateful that she had escaped that danger of old, than any concern about her delayed, ahem, blooming now.”
“Yes, they were very gracious and understanding about it; almost blaming themselves for not checking with me when the panic was over.Though there is obviously something Twilight Velvet isn’t telling me. Everypony has their secrets.” Celestia sighed. “Even me. But I almost wish they had been angry, raged, yelled, told me that I bucked up. Had they struck me, I would know that I deserve no less for my failure.”
“You did, as you say, buck up, dear. But all ponies love you, your Highness. Perhaps not as fervently as do I, but nevertheless nopony would hold such an oversight against you. You must make things right with your student; surely, she too, will see that you meant well and made an honest accident. Aging the apology before you give it will not improve matters.”
“Perhaps she will appear in Canterlot for the Hearthwarming festivities.”
“You know that she will not. Unless you command her presence.”
“What then do I if she refuses? Arrest her for not hearing me? I think that would only increase the weight of my unintended sins against her.”
“What if you revoke your banishment of her lover? That bait she’d not easily resist.”
“Indeed not, but if I thought it safe to have him among us, I would have never sent him away at all. It breaks my heart that I must keep them apart. I don’t enjoy what I must do.”
“Why do you believe you must part them? You told me but little of the prophesy. From where did it come?”
“Tell nopony of this; I could have died for shame just confessing to Twilight. When I was young and foalish, long before yaks had a country of their own, I broke the law and consulted a forbidden oracle.”
Tajrahaz held his tongue. Surely she did not mean the abomination. And if she did, he didn’t really want to know.
“Many things she told me, far more than I can disclose. But now that I am old and foalish, I realize that everything she told me either has come to be, or yet may be; nothing has been provably wrong. I must away, love, meetings await.”
As far as he could tell, she hadn’t looked at the clock behind him once during their meal and conversation. But she had risen with exactly seven minutes to visit the powder room before meeting Lord of the Something-or-other for a semi scheduled quasi informal two minute demi chat on the way to the meeting. Probably the chat would resolve the issue at hoof and the two hours of debate to follow would be rendered mind-numbingly moot.
—
Dinner, their next encounter, was tedious, diplomatic, long, and no opportunity to continue their conversation. By the time ambassadors and functionaries departed the hour had grown late indeed.
“I will have to welcome you home for real tomorrow,” Celestia groaned when they finally had the royal suite to themselves.
“At your convenience, love.”
He rolled over and wiggled closer to Celestia so he could lie back to back with her without prodding her with anything she was too tired to enjoy.
“Might this dismal seer lie about some matters?”
“Lie? No, not exactly. She tells the truth in the service of deceit.”
“Cursed advice.”
“Yes, I cannot tell you how much I regret my rash action. But the worst part is, knowing what I learned, I cannot simply ignore it.”
“I know nothing of magic, naturally enough.”
She nodded her head in agreement. Yak mages were few, and far between.
“But this much even I can understand, as you ponder your reaction to the seer’s words, you had best be correct.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Again? You’ve dealt with the agency before? What for?”
“I had a run in with a rogue agent when I was pregnant with Gloam. In the end I killed him and summoned Hel to claim him.”
“Not the Lady Hel! No matter what he did, that one is not to be trifled with…”
“What he did was rape me and hold his gun to my pregnant belly until I consented to allow myself to orgasm for him. If not for my sake, then for future victims he had to die.”
“Allmother Frig! I didn’t know…”
“Of course not,” I grimaced. “How would you? Not exactly coffee table conversation. But in the end I denied Hel her prey.”
“You what? And you’re here to talk about it?”
“Hey, lets save the grim old past for our grim old city. Look around you!”
Hoof had risen clear of the horizon and the long light brought out the abundant beauty of the world around us.
Our three wagons stood in a group near the centre of a circle some fifty metres across. The edge was sparsely delineated with fruit trees brought from Terra, planted on an earlier visit. It would be some years before they produced; they were still small enough that they did not obscure the view of the plain. In the very center was a round open shelter over the fire pit. A ring of security nodes stood to protect us from native wildlife, but as far a we had seen yet there was none big enough to warrant protection. A small shack zip tied together from prefab panels kept our gear safe and held cots in case of bad weather. Most nights Gloam and I slept rough, our sleeping bags on the ground near the fire instead of the cramped shack. A circular berm of soil -already the moss-like native ground-cover had grown back- kept the nightly ground mist away from the fire. Our first night’s sleep had ended damply when the mist drifting across the plain soaked us to our skin.
The plains to the north extended at least tens of kilometers and during one golden sunset I thought I had seen the sheen of an ocean far to the west. Beyond our bridgehead the land sloped a couple hundred metres east to a broad clear crick.
As Isha looked around at the wonders of a new world, Gloam completed her patrol of the ring of fruit trees and returned to the centre.
“We’ll race you to the crick,” I challenged Isha, ”you can have a head start!”
“Me a head start? You and what jetpack? I’ll smoke you both.”
Isha bent to stretch, placing both palms flat on the ground. Her long, naked, legs were like dark pillars of strength in Hoof’s morning light. At the apex between them—
I looked away, shamed by my roving gaze.
Now hopping lightly from foot she asked “Are you serious? You think you have a chance?”
I carefully avoided staring as she limbered up; instead I smiled and worked one of the few spells that I had learned from Nautious. A golden band of light passed over me and Gloam.
When the spell faded my daughter and I stood on four legs in our pony forms. Even as a pony, I was still female from Twilight’s spell. I didn’t know enough to reverse the gender change safely after only seeing the spell one time. I could probably repeat it, but undoing this change, one that I was happy enough to keep, would take more knowledge than I had yet. I managed to keep my disguise spell going as I changed, so there would be no questions about my wings and horn. Gloam, as I had discovered to my excitement the first time I changed her, was a unicorn and her horn gleamed in the sunlight. If only she could learn magic from her father.
Isha was dumbstruck with awe.
“Ok, that’s another spell I can handle. Well, babe,” I grinned, “let’s see you smoke us. I’ll still give you that thirty seconds lead.”
For another five seconds she stared as I counted. And then she ran.
—
“Thirty!” I yelled after suitable delay.
Isha was a good eighty metres from us – not bad at all for a non-athlete. She didn’t have a chance.
I started at a canter, and sped to a full gallop, expecting to pass Isha before she could get to the halfway mark. With a burst of speed I dashed alongside her, to pass her dramatically. Just as I nosed ahead of her, she sprang onto my back. She rode low, with her arms reaching forward around my neck, her head beside mine and her legs around me. She moved with me holding her body tight against my back with every step I took.
My pace slowed with the additional weight.
“What the fuck, Isha?” I shouted.
“I’m going to beat you this time, mom!” Gloam called from behind, as she devoured my lead.
“I’m a pony for cunts’ sake, not a fucking race horse! Get off!”
“Win this race for me!”
“Grrrrrr!” I flicked my tail, swatting Isha’s backside with it, causing her to squawk.
“Gee!” she shouted when she recovered from the surprise. Before I could whip my tail again, she reached back and smacked me on the flank. “Gee up!”
I’d show her ‘gee up’ – I whipped my tail harder than before as I sped up, surpassing my previous pace. Isha cried out again as my tail lashed across her bare ass. She clung tighter against my neck but at this speed she failed to keep her legs wrapped around me. With every stride her hips floated away from my back as my rear hooves reached for the ground; when I pushed off again her body smacked against my back in time with the stinging lashes of my tail.
Now I was pulling further ahead of Gloam, leaving her in the dust as a galloped faster than I ever had before. Instead of veering to the sandy beach where we usually swam I ran straight towards the bank overlooking a deep spot. The current had cut the channel a good five meters deep; safe enough for jumping in or—
I planted all four hooves and sent Isha rocketing over my head.
“...can’t swim!” I heard her cry as she arced towards the water.
With a sigh I jumped in after her.
The crick was cold, refreshing and clear. But before I could enjoy it I swam to where Isha floundered. She threw an arm over my back and clung to me, gasping, as I towed her to shore.
“Thanks, Tanna,” she said when she found she could touch the rounded stones of the crick bed. “Did we win the race?”
Before I could answer the thunder of small hooves sounded on the bank above.
“Antimatter cannonball!” Gloam shouted as she lept.
A shadow flickered across the Hoof’s brightness and then an immense splash sprayed Isha and me.
“Mom! It’s cold!” she shouted as she bobbed to the surface, water running from her close cropped mane.
“I know, honey, that’s why we usually swim in the afternoon. You can splash around for a while and then we’ll head back to camp.”
—
“That’s another reason for the au natural dress code” I said. Isha and I lay basking in morning sunshine after bathing. Gloam continued to prance in the shallow water. I had reverted to human form while my daughter enjoyed staying pony. “It’s more convenient for shape shifting. I don’t know what happens if we pony up while wearing human shaped clothes.”
“That doesn’t sound comfortable. Here, let me work on your hair before it dries like that.”
I sat up on the resilient green ground cover and she scootched up behind me to begin running her fingers through my hair. Before long my purple frizz had regained its traditional loft.
“Ah, thanks, I left my hairpick at camp. I should just cut it all off like Gloam’s.”
“I like it like this,” Isha said, still working my hair. Perhaps the close cropping I had wanted held less appeal than I thought. Without thinking, I eased luxuriously back; a shiver passed through my body as I made contact.
“Are you cold?”
Isha put her arms around me, pulled me tighter against her warmth.
“N-no, I’m fine,” but my heart pounded in her embrace.
Instinctively I had placed my hands on her forearms – she couldn't release me without pulling free. For a wordless moment we didn’t move.
Breaking the tension, I released my grip on Isha’s arms and rolled over to escape the unexpected closeness. Simultaneously, she had lain back onto the ground. Instead obtaining a safety gap, I found myself sprawled across her leg, my face no more than a dozen centimeters from even more profound intimacy. Acutely aware of the physical effect this nearness was having on my heart rate, I pretended interest in her surgical scar.
“Does it hurt any more?”
“It’s been ages, I’m fine. I’m glad you found me.”
“I thought you were dead.”
Finding her face down and motionless, my conclusion had not been unreasonable. But now, Isha was so alive, and I could feel the heat of her body beneath me. It wasn’t only the memory of her unconscious form that made my voice shake.
“I- I thought they got you.”
“It’s ok,” she said, one hand brushing against me. Her smile was deep, complex. “I’m alive. Thanks to you.”
It would only take the lightest of pressure of her hand on my shoulder to pull me down to her—
In perfect unity of thought we realized that Gloam, playing in the crick, wasn’t making a sound. We could feel her eyes upon us.
“I guess we should—”
“Yeah,” I said, wobbling to my feet. “Gloam, let’s go eat.”
I turned my daughter human again as she bounded out of the water. Taking her hand, I turned towards camp and held out my other hand to Isha. She took it and the three of us walked together in the pure sunlight.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Back at camp we took a light breakfast and spent the next few hours deploying some of the gear bear had acquired. Pumps and hose to irrigate our garden with water from the crick were part of our long term plan – eventually our retreat might become self sufficient. An automated telescope and more radio gear were good clean sciency fun. A few more security nodes extended Bear’s surveillance reach for watching our perimeter further out. But the multi-megawatt S.S.H.E.I.R. and a compact Qedar unit? If Bear was a little paranoid, I guess he was just doing his job. Two more totes remained on the wagon Isha had pulled. An unknown courier had delivered them outside my domicile in the early hours before our departure and I had no idea what was inside.
“Hey, Bear, what’s in these?”
Flipping one of the totes open revealed a box full of tangible darkness, a pit of quantum black.
Bear’s voice took on the tinny quality that told me he was tight-beaming the audio directly to me.
“Industrial nano paste.” If Isha was listening to our conversion I could only assume that she heard a different reply to my question. “I’ll build some servitors so I don’t need you to be my hands.”
Nanos, for Frig’s sake. But, I’d grown up protected by Bear, I wasn’t going to start doubting him now.
“Where d’ya want them?”
“Just put the totes by the shed, I will program them from there. In a few months I will have the beginnings of a real foothold on this planet. We are still extremely vulnerable here.”
I dragged the heavy totes to the side of the shed, wondering how Bear was sourcing and funding such technologies.
—
In the heat of the afternoon we paused from our work to rest. Gloam had trotted off towards the crick again, leaving me alone with Isha.
She lay face down on a blanket and I approached from behind for the best angle of access. From a tube, I moistened my fingertips with the slippery gel.
“Oooo,” Isha cooed, wriggling as the coolness touched her. With a series of feather light strokes I rubbed carefully on sensitive nerve endings. Slick and glistening—
“Mom, whatcha doin’ to Isha?”
I hadn’t heard Gloam’s hooves approaching on the mossy ground.
“Oh, um, Isha has owies on her bum-bum.”
My lashing tail had raised painful welts on an otherwise perfect bottom. Gloam took off for a gallop while I continued applying first-aid ointment to the wounds. As the mild analgesic took effect, I rubbed harder, firmly kneading until magic healed the damaged skin.
“It was worth it,” my patient said, “what a horsie ride!”
Still kneeling between her legs, I paused to inspect my handiwork, my heart pounding from more than just the startle Gloam had given me.
—
After the warmth moderated a bit, Isha and I completed setting up more of Bear’s equipment. The ranging unit and weapons module, we hoisted onto the flat roof of the shack. A thick tangle of cables led to an integrated controller inside. Isha sealed the new hole in the roof with the same adhesive foam that held the gear down, while I plugged everything in.
Indicators lit up as I finished and Bear announced, “Looking good, you’ve got the plugs in the right holes now.”
“What’s next?” Isha asked from the roof. I heard movement above me and then her legs swung over the edge, windmilling as she sought a step. I stared up as her foot found the windowsill beside me. Using it as a step she clambered down before I could divert my rapt gaze.
Unsure if I had been caught, suddenly I was focused very intently on double-checking my cables.
“Can you two finish assembling the telescope, please?” Bear suggested before Isha could say anything.
The steps were easy enough for anyone who’s ever merged two different brands of flat-pack furniture together, but many of the pieces were heavy and difficult to maneuver. Shoulder to shoulder we hoisted the largest section –the optical tube– into position on its articulated mount.
Stepping back from the sweaty task, we watched as Bear began exercising the various servos. A filter clicked into position and the scope swiveled to point directly into the light.
“Well?” I asked.
“I am satisfied,” he said.
“With our work or with Hoof?”
“I meant with the star; it looks stable. Doctor Myrtle, would you like a look? I can put it up on the screen in the shed.”
“Oooh! Lemme see!” Isha was more excited than Gloam on her birthday as she hurried to look.
I had to lean in to peer around her and get a glimpse of the screen. Sure enough, to my inexpert eye, Hoof looked very much like a star.
“Obviously, we will get a better view of the inner workings once I have something in orbit with an x-ray telescope. Mean time, allow me to point out some interesting emission lines…”
I let Bear and Isha geek out on astronomy and went to check on how Gloam was getting on with digging the trench for a water line down to the crick.
—
Gloam and I worked on the trench together. The plan was to run power cable and a heavy hose down to a pump at the waterside to supply irrigation and drinking needs. Bear had vetoed our initial plan to put the garden right next to water. We had no idea what the risk of flooding might be, he said. We had the pump, a filtration unit and even a tank. But nothing more than a shovel for digging, so we took turns.
Eventually Isha joined us and we all jumped back into the crick to clean up. Washing each other’s backs in simple camaraderie, the grime of our work and the residual tension from the awkward moments of the day were swept away in the crystal water.
—
After the evening meal we sat around the campfire and toasted marshmallows.
“How did you find this place?” Isha asked, gazing into the fire.
“Magic, of course. But without an artifact I couldn't have done it. How would I open a portal to somewhere I’ve never been? But one night I walked an empty world in a dream and I awoke holding the key.”
I didn't know whether I should try to explain the old man who had given it to me.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Gloam and I walked along the wet sand.
At four years old, she’d never been to an ocean before.
Something about this one didn’t look familiar to me.
Instead of running into the waves she held my hand as the seas came to us, ran around our ankles, and retreated again.
An older man walked with us; such was the logic of the dream that I never questioned any of this.
At last he spoke.
“Funny thing, woman.” He squinted. “I know you as my get. But I have a meiosis-specific transcription error in my X chromosome. I’m healthy enough but completely unable to have any daughters.”
“I was born male, sir. Magic happened.”
“Ha ha ha, dam’ right magic happened, I can see that.”
The three of us walked innocently skyclad in sunlight that wasn’t quite right.
“What should I call you?”
I decided the alien sun must be nearly setting: the temperature was warm and pleasant. If this was dawn, for it to be this warm, the light shining on us would have to be much more intense.
“I was born Tangent. My brother gave me the moniker Tanna when I changed.”
“Okay, Tanna, why’d you want to be a girl?” he asked.
“It wasn’t my idea, but I guess I got used to it. My marefriend—” he looked sharply at my use of the unfamiliar word “—wanted to swap, just for fun. But when I got turned back into a human I stayed female and it turned out she knocked me up. I wonder if she’s still a stallion? Also the princess who rules Twilight’s country called Twilight and me newlyweds after we swore by her name. So, I guess we’re married.”
“Ha! She’ll get more than she bargained for! What year is it for you? Do I have any other offspring in your time?”
“It’s twenty six fifteen on my current timeline,” I answered, “I have an older brother by you, centuries older. Eric secretly watched over me when I was a child. My mother would have killed me for being male.”
“Is she happy now?”
“I’d rather die than face her again to find out.”
“You will face her in your time,” he stated simply. “Do I have any grandchildren?”
The golden orb shinning across the waves was definitely closer to the horizon.
“Here’s my daughter Gloam. Eric had a son, who also changed teams like I did. She’s either dead or trapped in coldsleep on an damaged starship, a Flying Dutchman between the stars.”
“So they built those damn colony ships, did they? Bread and circuses, to distract the masses! When are you gonna rescue your niece?”
“I’d like to, but I don’t have the ability.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, child. You’ll earn your wings.”
I didn’t know what to make of that cryptic remark. I already had wings; they would never be enough to help me save Diva.
Our path across the sand had angled away from the gentle surf. There was a wrack of hollow, organic, tubes, tossed like driftwood at the highwater mark, none large enough to provide seats. Instead my father and I sat on wave polished boulders to watch Gloam splash in a tidepool.
“Tell me about your life, we may never meet again. What do you do, what do you dream?”
“Eh, well I’m a research librarian, I look up references in old magic books for oligarchy scholars.”
“Oligarchy?”
“You might know them as the guardians of freedom, which is a lie.”
“I know those lying bastards. Who’s running their show now?”
“An old fucker called Kratar.”
My father turned his head and spat.
“That piece of shit shouldn’t be alive in your time. We sabotaged his longevity regimen long before we decided to just outright murder the bunch of them.”
“That would explain why he’s trying to obtain magical immortality.”
“Fat lot of good it’ll do him when his own son stabs him in the back.”
“Fat lot of good it’ll do him with some of the formulae wrong.”
“Clever girl. Don’t let yourself get caught on that one. They aim to become gods and will not take thwarting kindly.”
“I know something of their reputations. The errors I put into the research are genuine quotes of old mistakes. Anyone can double check my research and they’ll find the same information.”
“Hmm. It is better to seek some pattern that already exists and adjust your actions to it, eh.”
“Is that a quote?”
“Probably. It was written on the wall in the john at Grinnell’s. What else do you do?”
“When I’m not working, I have Gloam!”
She was building a rough sand castle, shaping the damp sand with her hands.
“Raising up a castle fit for a queen,” he laughed.
“But as for dreams, I just want to go home to Equestria and be with Twilight forever after.”
“Don’t let go of that dream.”
For a while we sat and watched Gloam as she played. Despite the rough construction, her castle bore a more than passing resemblance to Canterlot castle. If only I could hope to see a queen crowned there some day.
“Eric says that you vanished?”
“History isn’t everything it used to be. When I wake in the morning, it will be for my execution.”
“What was your crime?”
“I came within one bullet of stopping the coup d’etat. Half our team was shot down on approach, but we went in anyway. Almost cleared out the entire junta. My gun jammed and democracy fell. I had the poor taste to be taken alive, unlike my brothers in arms.”
“You’re the third gunman! Official history calls you a terrorist. But the people call you a martyr. No wonder Eric never told me your name.”
“I don’t plan to die tomorrow. I’ll go elsewhere. Maybe I'll end up staying here.”
“Where is ‘here’?”
He shrugged the question aside as unanswerable.
“You’ll figure it out.”
“Why not come back to my time? Take up the fight?”
“Ha! Don’t you go getting involved in active insurrection, girl, not while you’ve a little one. I imagine they’ve probably strengthened their position in a couple hundred years. Too bad the commander and Edi didn’t make it. I’d take on the whole world bare handed with those two at my side.”
A faint awareness of my physical body told me that I would wake soon.
“Dawn comes, father. I’m glad I got to meet you.”
And here sunset was upon us. The last arc of the unnamed star lingered above distant waves like the tip of a great, brilliant hoof.
“I don’t think our paths cross again, but I have a gift for you, child, a priceless gift.”
My father scooped up a handful of sand, let it run through his fingers until a single particle was left, bright against the skin of his palm. He swiped it onto his fingertip and held the golden mote up to the last light.
“’To see the world in a grain of sand’,” he quoted.
“Blake,” I said as wisely I could, “preindustrial age poet and mystic.”
“Early industrial,” he corrected me, “Blake coined the phrase ‘satanic mills’ to describe what he saw happening in his time, what technology was doing. He was a prophet, he saw where the Industrial Revolution would take us. Take it.” He held out one dark finger, the prize barely visible on the tip. “I would do more for you if I could. But this, this will be enough, and you will do the rest.”
I woke with a lone speck of yellow grit pinched between my finger and thumb. Gloam and I collected it in a tiny vial against the day when I would know what to do with such a treasure.
When the time was right I held a single grain of sand in my hand and unlocked the door to a new world.
Author's Note
Heyas, if anypony is there i request feedback on the pacing so far. Having a bit of the ol' existential dread right now and questioning the ever living buck outta m'self. T.I.A.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
I held my peace rather than expound yet another impossible tale. Too much of what seemed ‘impossible’ was simple reality. I could tell the background about my father some other time. If my theory about this planet held true I might even – well, no point getting ahead of myself.
As the sky grew darker I took Isha’s hand to pull her away from the firelight. I led her beyond the embankment protecting the fire and camp site.
“It’s about time. This, you gotta see.”
On the horizon opposite from Hoof’s last roseate glow, a great waxing crescent had risen, easily twice the apparent size of Terra’s moon, brilliant against the encroaching twilight.
“What a moon!” she gasped. “Incredible!”
“That’s no moon.”
I paused to admire the sensuous arc of argent light.
“This is a binary planet: the barycentre is in free space between the two bodies. Keep watching.”
As our eyes adjusted to the the darkness away from the ring of firelight, the glow of great vibrant cities became visible in the shadowed surface between the horns of the crescent.
Isha tightened her grip on my hand.
“That’s not a Terran colony,” she stated the obvious fact.
The sprawl of lights twinkling on the sister planet looked nothing like cities constructed by Terrans.
“Hey mom!” Gloam called to me from the fireside “If you two are busy ogling the aliens imma finish off the marshmallows!”
“Fuck the marshmallows,” Isha whispered, her voice subdued with awe.
“One more, Gloam, and then close up the bag and get some rest!” I said, and then turned to Isha again. “They have agriculture, a highway system, electricity, A.M. radio. There’s no neutron flux; they seem to be pre-atomic. Bear hasn’t been able to find video on any of their signals so we don’t know what they look like. But they do broadcast music.”
Low music started playing from one of the nearby security nodes, courtesy of the ever contextually solicitous Bear. The audio quality was improved from the last time I heard one of their transmissions – the pay off for the time spent installing the new antenna array today. Not quite amelodic, the sound was unlike anything I’d ever heard on either of the two other worlds I’d been to. Isha’s expression told me that she was as captivated by it as I had been the first, and indeed every, time I heard it. The tonal structures did not evolve the way a lifetime, or many lifetimes, of human music had taught our ears to anticipate. Unguessable instruments, strings and winds of quizzical parameters, flat here, rich with awesome timbres there, mellow percussive notes, each element wielded with virtuoso mastery obeying inhuman sensibilities. But this was no cacophony, there were patterns and an even rhythm that we could pick out, a weaving pulse which informed the slow sultry tempo.
The pale light made the night magical, silvered the ground mist flowing around our feet.
“May I have this dance?” I murmured, already teetering on an irrecoverable brink.
In reply Isha stepped close, pulled me to her. The warmth of her bare skin against mine contrasted deliciously with the cool air of early evening. I rested my cheek on her breast. I could hear her pulse in my ear, feel it pounding in her flat belly pressed against mine.
She slid her hand down until it rested on my hip, her long fingers gentle and firm in their caress. I gasped involuntarily, but mirrored her action. My other hand slipped down from her shoulder.
We swayed together in the mystic planetlight as alien notes flowed into the thickening evening around us. A being beyond any possible scrutiny now sang; it could have been wooing a lover or mourning a broken heart but the unknown vocables insinuating with the riversong of gentle music seduced us into the otherworldliness of the cryptic night.
“Will we be zipping our sleeping bags together tonight?” asked Isha, at last putting words to a heat and magnetism we had never dared to mention.
“Yes, yes we will, yes.”
I said it.
Oh, Celestia, Gaia, whoever is listening I said it, I said it, and the night twisted around us.
Isha sighed and laughed and whispered my name as our dance wound onward.
May Twilight forgive me I beg in Celestia’s name, I pleaded silently, forgive me and don’t let Isha see these tears.
The music drew to a close and another alien song was plying the thin gap of aether between two worlds. We adjusted our step to the new tune. Before this song ended, Gloam had crawled into her sleeping bag shouted a goodnight from the other side of the berm surrounding the firepit and shelter. With my daughter asleep by the fire, Isha and I were the only human consciousnesses for light years in any direction.
Steadily the crescent planet looming so portentously in the night sky sailed towards the zenith. The mist deepened and the night grew cooler, casting the warm glow of physical contact into sharper relief. Song after song serenaded us with unknown rhythms and registers echoing from the majestic orb dominating the heavens as we swept gracefully through the sea of silver mist writhing across the ground. Though we turned slowly in our shared embrace I was dizzy as if we spiraled in a mad careen. We had shifted our bodies, now our breasts were pressed together like interlocking puzzle pieces, Isha’s hands on my hips pulling me tight to her, her thigh firmly against my groin pressing, stirring, awakening. A feeling I had not known, had not permitted myself to succumb to in years, was building within me, a pressure, a hunger, a need deep in the fiery pit somewhere below my heart. My knees were growing weak, my hands trembled upon the fullness they held and my breath fluttered in my lungs as if it were lost. This wasn’t the mindless animal urge which had vainly and blindly driven me to seek satiation in Leon’s arms. If Twilight was unable to return to claim me as her prize after all these years, Isha would be my companion and, broken as I was, I would know love.
But there was no need to hurry. We had all the time in the world: we had a whole world.
A single grain of sand had opened the door to so much more than an empty planet.
Ready at last to lose myself in the fullness of her kiss, I raised my lips in surrender that tasted a little of despair.
Isha was looking at something behind me.
“A shooting star,” she said, “what perfect timing. I wish—”
I loosened my hold on her and turned to look, fingers trailing across her body as I shifted, unwilling to break contact even for a second. She pointed at a glint of light detached from the virgin starfield above us. I sighed with taut anticipation, already half knowing what Isha would wish, already fully knowing that the consummation thereof would certainly come before dawn.
Silently, a second point separated from the moving spark, growing brighter by the second.
“Oh, were you expecting a starship?” she asked as the fine hairs on my arms stood on end.
The descending shuttle was already visibly larger and clearly outshone the mothership in low orbit.
“Bear! We have company!” I yelled “Ohshitohshitohshit…”
Beneath the actinic glare of reentry, the kiss was stolen from us.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“I see them,” Bear assured me, speaking from security node which had been playing seductive alien music only a moment ago.
“Are you stealthed?”
“Yes, I am electromagnetically invisible, but your fire is easily visible from up there. It is the hottest thing for hundreds of kilometres.”
“Clothes?” interrupted Isha.
“Don’t bother, they’ll be on the ground in seconds. Wake Gloam, please. Bear, initial analysis?”
“It’s not the neighbors. The larger ship in orbit appears to be damaged, it left a noticeable vapor trail behind it. Immediate departure of shuttle suggests either hostility or urgency. The shuttle size and the fact that there is only one argue against attack.” Bear paused. “They just made a course adjustment, they definitely see the fire. Suggest we wait and see what they have to say. I am not able to pickup up any recognizable weapon systems. No recognized IFF either. I have have pinged Terran, Imperium, and Web frequencies.”
“Got it. If they turn out to be hostile, we’ll all lay low and try to buy time until I can portal back home. If I can’t bring you with us—” Bear’s compute module was in the shed, way on the other side of the circle “—eat the planet and meet me back on Terra the hard way.”
“Gloam, wake up there are aliens landing!” I could hear Isha waking my daughter.
“Roger that, contingency instructions understood. Still negative on detecting weapons. If they’re armed its nothing more frightening than pointy sticks.”
Despite this assurance, Bear was tracking the shuttle with a military grade infrared laser; capacitor banks crackled at full charge. Bear’s threat evaluation was a sound guess, but we would know for sure in minutes. Our position was, as he had said, extremely vulnerable.
“They can’t detect that,” he said in response to my glance towards the weapon. As the defense module pivoted, the stars behind were distorted by a cloaking field surrounding it.
A kilometre above us the bright glare of the thrusters dimmed, then blinked off. Only navigation lights and the faint glow of the agrav units remained as they slowed the small vessel’s high-performance landing.
“At least they have good manners on their approach,” Bear commented.
“It looks like a human ship,” Isha said, at my side.
“Definitely human,” Bear confirmed, “and very old. The lifter efficiency is abysmal. Three maybe four occupants.”
Three or four would be plenty, if he was wrong about weapons. I watched the final approach wondering if I would live to face Twilight again.
The shuttle landed some fifty meters from the campfire, almost in the patch of the potatoes we had planted on a previous trip. We walked half the distance and waited. Within seconds the airlock door cycled open – as it rose into the hull I could see that the inner door was opening at the same time. They weren’t even taking time to sample the atmosphere; clearly in a hurry.
Backlit by the lights inside the shuttle were a man, a woman, a young child, and a babe in arms. They all looked unwell, wan in the harsh illumination.
“Ohmygod,” the gaunt man spoke quietly to the woman, “they look human. What are the odds?”
She took a unsteady step out of the shuttle, the smaller child in her arms. A few steps from us she shifted the listless little one to her left hip and raised her open right hand: no weapon. I awkwardly mirrored her gesture: no weapon. Friend.
Finally she spoke, but her eyes betrayed no expectation that she would be understood.
“We come in peace. My name is Diva Landers, of Terra. We need help, please. My babies…”
My smart-assed plan to improvise a speech of tones and clicks was forgotten as I urgently greeted her. “Welcome, niece, how can we help you?”
Her eyes went wide with surprise to hear reply in the words of home. For a moment she stared and then she fainted.
I darted forward and caught the baby as Diva fell – at least the ground she landed on wasn’t rocky.
Holding the now screaming armful I asked the man, “tell me what you need! Are you irradiated, infected, injured?”
He was shuffling out of the shuttle towards Diva, but Isha had already raised her to a sitting position.
“Water,” he gasped, “life support systems onboard are damaged, we lost the water recyc.”
—
“Keep sipping it slowly—” I handed Guy the refilled cup “—or you’ll just blow it out your ass as fast as it goes down and you won’t absorb it.”
He was holding the cup for his son after taking a drink. Bear had suggested an improvised hydration beverage, based on what we had in stock, and it didn’t look like drinking the mixture too fast was going to a problem for either of them.
“Thanks, I know the drill. We all took first aid and survival in preflight.”
He gave the young boy another sip. “Keep going, little buddy,” he murmured and took a small drink after the boy.
Father and son both scowled at the taste, not tempted to drink too fast. If they were sated enough to object to the flavor, I reflected, they must be out of danger. Carrying the cup along, Guy and the little boy walked towards the shuttle.
Diva sat on the ground, leaning against the shed, no longer weeping with relief, but still clutching little Erica to her breast. Our portable autodoc –its diag-cuff was still on her arm, monitoring– had triaged Diva as ‘most urgent’ and drained its entire reserve of saline solution into her veins. The infant’s productive nursing attested to the success of the treatment: Diva’s breasts were back in action. Gloam watched, intently fascinated as the baby took her meal.
“That’s how I fed you, when you were tiny,” I told her.
“And you’ll feed your daughter that way, too, someday,” Diva said.
Gloam put her hands to her chest; she hadn’t yet begun to bud and her dark nipples barely stood out from the surrounding skin.
“What if mine are too small, like mom's?”
Isha and Diva made eye contact and burst out laughing.
“You’ll be better off if they are! These small tits—” I thrust my breasts forward “—fed a hungry Gloam fine and big ones just distract the boys!”
“It’s the truth,” and, “she’s not wrong,” my larger bosomed sisters agreed.
“What’s so funny?” Guy was back from powering down the shuttle.
“Tits,” said Gloam. “Smaller are actually better.”
Guy wisely beat a hasty retreat.
“Imma go make sure I didn’t miss, uh, a thing, powering down, uh, the stuff, uh, somewhere else.”
“Are you still dizzy, niece?” I asked as Guy escaped.
“No, I’m much better, thank you.” She sniffled and looked up. “You know, I don’t look it, but I’m probably five times your age. You should call me aunt, not niece, if your culture uses familial titles that way.”
“Your father, Eric Landers, is my elder brother, which makes me your aunt, so I’ll call you niece.”
“Now my head is really spinning. Is dad alright? He must be nearly four hundred by now.”
“It’s twenty six twenty on Terra, so he’s a young and sprightly five hundred and twenty sumpin years old.”
“What year is it? We were only supposed to be in flight for eighty years.”
“You’re also in the wrong place. The planet you were supposed to colonize was studied by a robotic probe. Turns out it has a chlorine atmosphere and is tide locked.”
“No life, eh?” Guy asked, having cautiously returned from his extra check on the shuttle.
“Oh, there’s plenty of life there. Very nasty life. A whole generation of kids grew up scared of the smell of swimming pools after watching the movie ‘Maws’ about what they found there.”
“How did you get here before us?” Diva asked. “Have they cracked FTL? Is this planet colonized? We didn’t take time to dig into the surface mapping system, we don’t know if the ship was able to capture any useful data for us.”
“Magic hon’,” Isha said, “not spaceflight. The entire population of Gallop is us, here.”
“And five hundred more up in orbit,” Guy pointed out, “on the Longshot 7.”
The ghost ship had found a haven.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
An hour later the Landerses were doing much better, other than some shell shock to learn that their five hundred plus comrades probably numbered half that. It might have been more merciful not to share what little we knew of the collision, but the sooner they knew the truth the sooner they could come to grips with the loss. History recorded that each team of colonists had trained extensively together, until they were almost like family. An estimate that half their number had been killed might have rendered less tough explorers catatonic, but Guy and Diva were all the more determined to save as many of their fellows as possible.
For their physical condition, the autodoc prognosticated a complete recovery within a few days.
But we didn’t have a few days to get the Longshot 7 landed.
“Unless you get docked and do something about that tumbling,” Bear summarized the orbital situation, “it is going to fall apart. And if you do not get up there on one of the next two orbital passes, you will lose your launch envelope for the next twenty eight hours.”
The 40cm scope swung in its gimbals, tracking the Seven across the night sky.
“Can either of you two fly that thing?” I asked. “We know that the backup and tertiary flight crews were on the bridge with the skipper when you hit the rock. There are no certified pilots left for you to thaw.”
“We both got the required two weeks in the flight sim. We can probably handle it, if it holds together.”
“That's a significant ‘if’. It took quite a whack out there in the Kuiper belt.”
“I’m not getting any telemetry,” Bear observed, “but it looks like shit.”
“We have to try to save everyone who’s still alive,” Diva said, “we’ll leave the kids with you and give it our best.”
“I’m coming with you. Bear, you’re in charge down here.”
“What?” Isha demanded, “I’m second fiddle to your teddy-bear?”
“Third fiddle, babe.” I kissed her cheek, not the one my hip had brushed against when I stepped close. “Sorry, I let Gloam write most of the constitution. I should also warn you that without the testimony of an accredited nutritionist, broccoli is a crime.”
—
Isha watched as nearly half of the human population of Gallop lifted off in the shuttle. A moment had been stolen, a whole future snatched from her grasp. The loss still ached fresh in her heart.
“Gloam,” she said, “there’s something I think you should know.”
The young girl lookup up solemnly. She already knew that mommy and Isha were something . Her young mind struggled to put a word to what they were, but the inevitability drawing them together was apparent even if her awareness lacked vocabulary to express itself. The confusion tonight simply added to her bafflement.
“I took two years of nutritional bioanalytics before I changed my major to brane physics. Depending who survived the collision, I may be the closest thing to an accredited nutritionist on this side of the galaxy.”
“I’m not scared of the broccolis any more,” Gloam said, and squeezed Isha’s hand. “I’m just worried for mommy.”
The flare of the shuttle’s main lifter dwindled until it was lost in the stars.
“Me too, girl, me too.”
—
Docking with the tumbling colony ship looked impossible as it spun. In point of fact, Diva clicked on an automated approach handler and went back to studying reentry procedures with Guy as the shuttle matched spin and mated itself in its pod bay. Apparently landing the Seven was not going to be so simple.
Once the ship was stabilized, there was more time to think about how to land – it was nominally safe for days now, instead of hours. We floated across the day side of Gallop and back to the night while Guy and Diva worked on a landing plan. The ship was on a highly oblique orbit – almost polar – and they debated the advantages of different approach envelopes to touch down near my camp. While they worked out the relative technical merits, I was riveted to a porthole, seeing Gallop from so far above for the first time. Below me a whole world spun, and I had only seen a few square kilometers of it. There were oceans, great rivers and mountains, dozens of different bioms completely unlike the mossy plane where my campsite was. Base camp was still on the nighted side of the planet so I did not get to scope out the terrain surrounding the area I knew. I was glad to see no obvious signs of civilization below me. Humanity would not be crowding anyone’s home.
The landing plan was agreed upon in time to make the attempt on the next pass over the night side where Isha and the children waited.
“Are you sure?” I asked after an explanation too technical for my limited knowledge of space flight.
I may not have understood their words, but I understood that they didn’t look very sure.
“Not sure. But the computer thinks it might work. We’re borderline too heavy for the number of retros that still work.”
“Can you vent water tanks? There’s plenty of water down there.”
“Not a bad idea.” His fingers flew over a keyboard. “But it may not make much difference.”
“What if we ferry people to the surface before landing?”
“Nuh-uh. Our cryo was the only one in a pressure zone that doesn’t have holes That’s why the ship only woke us. If anyone else gets thawed, they’re going to be breathing space.”
“Could we patch the hull and then evacuate—”
“This isn’t some stupid sci-fi movie, we can’t fix a spaceship with chewing gum and an exciting montage. The only way we’re going to shed enough weight to make a difference would be to jettison one of the cryo decks…”
She shook her head. We could all agree that wasn’t an option.
Reentry started as a loud and shuddering descent, but for the first half hour uneventful. Diva and Guy seemed to have everything under control, doing little more than monitoring. A few dozen kilometers above the surface I noticed an increase in their tension. Before I could inquire there was an explosion somewhere off to the right. Was that starboard or port? Half of the console lit up red – the other half went dark. I’m not sure which was worse. With stately poise the whole ship begin to tip. In the distance metal screamed.
“Too hot! We need to reduce speed!” Diva fought down her panic.
“We’re gonna break up—” Guy started to speak but I quieted them.
“Shhh. There is nothing you can do now. Kill the thrusters and trust me.”
I would again brave the aetheric sea of power to salvage the situation. Neither my smattering of Terrestrienne spells nor my untrained Equestrian abilities would suffice to safely land the fracturing starcraft. The chancy surfeit of might underlying the very foundations of reality was the only thing I could use to hold the ship together, slow its descent.
Gathering power to me, I spread my awareness through the structure of the spaceship, gripped the several major fragments with my mind. The ship was heavy, power coursed to meet the need. I could hear the rockets cutting out as I stepped out of my body. Like a discarded garment, like a pool of shadow, my human flesh fell, empty, onto the metal deck far below my new astral vantage. I stood gigantically outside the ship, in Alicorn form. Dwarfing the Longshot I braced my hooves on the upper hull, used my strength to right the craft.
When the ship was once more oriented correctly relative to the surface it must land on I spread my wings, ethereal and golden, kilometers wide, extending far beyond the starship. I could feel the wind against every pinion; I angled against the thin upper atmosphere to slow our descent. Speed under control I looked around. Gallop below us, drifting, falling, floating weightless. Even if it killed me I would give the hundreds of men and women now in my care a place to call home.
“This is your home,” I whispered to the sleepers.
Searching for direction, I found the luminous sparks of the four humans below me on Gallop. The Landers’ children a dim glow, diffuse and mundane; no future in magic for them. Gloam impossibly bright, her radiance spreading along axises of magic beyond my comprehension. She was full of concern but also wonder and acceptance of what she was seeing. Isha’s glow was less powerful but more complex, brilliant with echoes of desire and fierce with a love even deeper than the sexual need we shared.
I sent a telepathic message, unsure if she would get it, unsure if I was even going to survive to apologize.
,,Not tonight, lover,,
With the words flew forth a nonverbal wave of emotions: regret for the delay to our union, duty to help those in need even at risk to my life, excitement for the adventure ahead of the colonists.
Using the sparks of humanity below me as beacons, I could guide my descent to land a safe distance from them.
Strange that supporting a burden the size of a city proved to be easier than levitating a single page. It was all about control.
As the ship settled gently to the ground I stumbled slightly, let power slip away from me, and plummeted back into my mortality.
—
Back in a somewhat bruised mortal shell, the weight of my efforts collapsed upon me.
Oh Celestia I was weary, that was too much. I barely noticed Diva and Guy struggling to carry me towards an airlock.
Both doors cycled at once and I distantly heard Isha’s voice, breathless as from running.
“What happened? Is she okay?”
“I don’t know what happened back there. We lost attitude control and then there was this golden light and impossible…”
“Magic, don’t worry, she must have over exerted herself. Give her to me, you two can barely stand.”
Once more I was in Isha’s arms and I slipped into complete unconsciousness.
—
“…will she be alright?” I heard Diva asking as I faded partially awake.
“I think so,” Isha replied and I dimly realized that the comfortable surface I rested against was her bosom.
I snuggled between her breasts as I sank back to sleep.
Mmmmm, soft…
—
“She’ll be fine,” Isha said with more confidence, “and then I’m gonna kill her.”
Diva looked startled.
“For risking her life like that.”
“Are you lovers?” Diva asked, gazing with warm curiosity at the two naked women. Love had not been so very different when she was young.
“Almost.” Isha smiled ruefully “For years we’ve circled an unspoken something . Tonight we danced, we seduced each other, and then before the kiss a spaceship landed.”
“Ehhhh, sorry for crashing at a bad time? When things settle down you girls can get back on track.”
“The moment has escaped us.” The rueful smile warmed as Isha gazed affectionately down the dear friend lying on her breast. “But at least she’s okay.”
“She saved us all. The whole mission would have been over.”
“I know. I’m in love with a real-life hero.”
“She loves you too, right?”
“Yes, she does.” Isha said. “But she’s still in love with her husband too.”
“Maybe he’d be okay with a three-way relationship with her as the pivot? Or go full triangle – do you like men?”
“Uhhh, I—”
“Think about it, they’re worth a try. Anyway, I should go help Guy, he’s off with the security dude getting ready to start thawing people. Cryos only have a small backup cell and we had to scram the main powerplant — it lost too many cooling loops. We don’t want everyone waking up and trying to evacuate the wreck in the dark, all at once. Are you okay with babysitting?”
The Landers children, were sleeping nearby. Even Gloam was asleep – waking up for midnight adventures was great, but adventurers her age still need their rest.
“Yeah.” Isha wasn’t actually looking at the children. “I got this.”
—
“What went wrong?” Isha asked when I drifted awake again.
“With the ship? I’m no spacer, I don’t know. Collision damage, I guess? It was breaking up and I had to do something.”
“No, with your magic. I saw an explosion. And a moment later, wings. But what happened with your magic?”
“Just too much power. If I ever touch it like that again, it might just take me beyond.”
“Promise me you won’t.”
“I promise I won’t do it lightly.”
“Is that the best I can hope for? You know, it’s not easy to love a hero. How you feeling?”
“I’m fine, gimme a day or two and I can handle it. Just tired. Where’s my baby?”
“Gloam is sleeping right behind you. Get some more rest.”
Again I slipped into unconsciousness.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
When I woke late the next morning I found myself in Isha’s arms. We had innocently shared our combined sleeping bags.
I kissed her cheek without waking her and whispered a prayer to the holy one of the ponies. I didn’t know how much Isha had seen last night, but I needed her to forget certain details if my oath were to remain intact. Still, tampering with her memory felt like a betrayal; if my prayer were answered the loss would be minimal.
After that, I slipped out of her embrace and went to look around. The circular area of my campsite was empty, but through the ring of trees I could see the Longshot 7, about a kilometer away where I had set her down. Spanning two small hillocks, the ship had sagged between them, its back broken. The Seven would never fly again.
Surrounding the hulk was a bustle of activity.
Revived colonists were everywhere, there must have been hundreds more than were expected to’ve survived the crash as their ship left Sol. It was gratifying to see the depressing estimates proven wrong.
There was field kitchen set up a ways from the ship and I acquired a cup of tart orange coloured beverage and watched the many tasks unfolding around me.
Some were unloading gear, organizing it into collections that clearly had some meaning to them. Several utility vehicles had been dragged out through holes cut through the hull; some were being loaded. Further towards the bow a cutting torch flickered where further access holes were being carved out.
“Why’re you cutting holes?” I asked.
“The freight tunnel is impassible, or else we’d unload through the cargo bay.”
I didn’t pose any further questions and the woman with the torch went back to work.
As I wandered, I got the occasional questioning look. The colonists had prepared for many possible landing scenarios but new faces in their midst was not something they expected to see. Some rumor of my identity must have spread though their number; though I attracted attention nobody stopped to ask me who I was. My questions were answered readily enough but nobody took the time make their own inquiries.
Closer examination reveled that the piles of gear were pop up shelters and basic supplies for each family unit.
From overhearing a side conversation I deduced that the Seven would be emptied of almost all cargo and used as workshops.
Even the kids were keeping busy. Teens and pre-teens were helping sort supplies. Younger children were watched over by three adults as they worked their way through a landing day science lesson, observing what they could of a new world without straying from the centre of activity. I couldn't even feign surprise that Gloam appeared to have finessed herself into the primacy of the teaching, showing the other children what she had already learned about their new home.
The dude swearing as he stomped around was apparently the security guy and he was trying to figure out how my security nodes had all synced up to his monitoring system. He apparently hadn’t placed more than a few of his own nodes around the ship before found himself with a full tactical overlay of the entire region around my camp. An alert informing him that the nodes I had brought from Terra were operating in backwards compatibility mode (and advising him to upgrade his security console, a challenge this far from the nearest electronics store) seemed to convince him that the unexpected additional data sources were benign. That would be Bear’s doing, but I wasn’t sure what attitudes towards AI might have been in the century that he had departed. I discretely said nothing about the equipment.
—
Activity was everywhere; the colonists all seemed to know exactly what they were doing and while I didn’t want to disrupt them, I thought that I should talk to them and I went looking for a stage.
A pile of crates looked promising and I climbed up, quickly gaining the attention of the colonists. People stopped their tasks to gather. I couldn’t count them but I was more positive than ever that the crowd gathering around me numbered far more than historical analyses had taught me to expect to see.
“Thank you, thank you, everybody.”
I paused to look at the crowd – the entire population of a planet was gathered around the crate I stood upon and they easily would have fit into a modest auditorium. But I rejoiced that there were this many. Belatedly I remembered that public nudity was probably less common in their time.
“I’d like to welcome you all to the planet Gallop, orbiting the star called Hoof. We have intentionally declined to name the twin planet which you will see in the sky tonight because it is inhabited and we deem polite to learn their endonymn. That's right, you have neighbors. Judging from their radio signals humans have a good chance of being able to pronounce their language, but we know nothing about them.
“My name is Tanna Sparkle, I helped Mr. and Mrs. Landers land your ship – how appropriate is that?” My weak jest received only polite laughter. I looked around for Gloam. She had lead the bulk of the colony’s children to the front of the audience; she herself stood at my feet, arms crossed, facing the colonists.
“My daughter Gloam and I have been visiting Gallop for about three months of Terran time and we’ll tell you everything we know.”
“First, let me give you a little history update. The year is twenty six twenty, more than two centuries since you left. You are more than twice as far from Terra as you were meant to go, and in the wrong direction. There was a collision on your way out and everyone thought that half of you were dead and the rest of you doomed. I can’t tell you how happy we all are to see so many of you alive here today.”
“Now some bad news. Due to complications in real life, I will not be telling the folks back home that you made it, at least not right away. I am living on borrowed time and need to keep a low profile. But I will get you some history books so you can read about what’s been going wrong the last couple centuries, and I’ll try to bring some of our newer technologies to help you. But for the most part you are going to be on your own, just like you trained for. I know you can handle this.”
“The good news is that as Queen of Gallop I will dissolve the monarchy,” I could hear Gloam’s angry gasp, “and gift you the planet. You need it more than we do.”
I noted a face, familiar from the history books, smiling in the front row of colonists gathered around me. In addition to being the elected president of the colony Dr. Howe was the oldest colonist and matriarch of one of the largest family units that had shipped out on the Seven. Much had been made of her four children, their spouses, and thirteen grandchildren. More importantly, she had become a surrogate grandmother to the entire mission while they were still in preflight training. Iron willed, but unshakable in her warm desire for the best for everybody. It was probable that so long as her health held out she would run unopposed for many terms as president.
“Without further delay, I will relinquish the floor to your very own Dr. Howe!”
I reached down to help her up; several of the colonists helped lift her up and she stepped onto the crate with me.
I offered her a hand to shake – she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me on each cheek.
She kept her arm around me, preventing me from climbing down and keeping me at her side as she address the crowd around us.
“Colonists!” she shouted, her free hand raised in a fist, “We are here!” The colonists cheered.
“We don’t yet know where here is, as you heard it’s not where we expected, and apparently we had a rough ride. According my count,eighty percent of us are alive, that’s four hundred and forty eight! Tanna tells us that they thought half of us were dead, so we beat the odds!”
Looking around I noticed that injuries were mercifully few: in space accidents you’re pretty much either dead or unharmed with not much in between. Inside the protective cocoon of a cryopod, anything that might hurt you is probably going to have to kill you just to get to you.
“Furthermore,” she continued, “most of our supplies are intact, and we have the hull of our ship for scrap. Even more importantly we have water and oxygen!” She paused for another round of clapping.
“Let’s take a moment to thank the gracious Queen of Gallop for welcoming us and for saving our lives.”
This round of applause drowned the previous and instead of blushing under the attention, all I could do is rejoice for them all.
The President waited for the crowd to quiet down.
“You’ve all the old cliché that today is the first day of the rest of your life. Well, today literally is our Day One of the rest of our lives. It’s going to be busy, everyone make sure to check in with your team leads and…”
—
While the strange magical girl addressed the colony Eric the security guy took a moment to quiz her partner about the landing.
“Excuse me, Ma’am can you–”
“It’s ‘Miss’” Isha said quietly. “Your people showed up before I could pop the question.”
“I understand,” he said.
The priestess of Aphrodite knew a thing or two about sorrow of the heart and recognized a fellow sufferer.
“You had to leave someone behind two hundred years ago?”
“For me it’s only been a few weeks, and she’s probably been dead for a century.”
“I am sorry for your loss. Do you want us to find out what happened to her after you left?”
“I’m not brave enough for that yet. But I have a question for you. Can you describe the landing last night as you saw it from the ground?”
“What’s your name?”
“Eric Choi. Or you can just call me the security guy.”
“Okay, Eric the security guy, truth, as they say, is stranger than fiction. The woman I love is really some kind of magic pony. When they lost control of the ship, she took her true form but gigantic and made of golden light. She landed your spaceship with magic.”
“Thank you, that’s what I saw too. I was standing between her hooves on the upper hull. It’s nice to have the experience validated by another witness. You and I are the only ones who saw it all.”
“And Gloam and the Landers’ kids. I wonder if they’ll remember this when they grow up.”
“Would anyone believe them?”
“Would anyone believe us?” she asked. “It all seems like a dream, and I was there. I can barely believe it, and I’m a magic user, too.”
“I don’t plan to talk much about it. I touched her hoof. I’m perfectly aware that my story sounds crazy. But I don’t want to hear anyone tell me so. I touched her.”
—
When Dr. Howe finally let me climb down, I slipped to the edge of the crowd and half-listened as she continued her pep-talk for the colonists. I scanned the crowd for Isha; there was no sign of her, but I could hear Gloam declaring the virtues of nudism to a group of children. They all listened intently; some were already putting her words into action.
While I was distracted, the speech came to and end. As colonists dispersed to their tasks, Dr. Howe approached me.
“Thank you for speaking to us, and for the introduction.”
“Certainly, it’s an honor to meet you, doctor. I’ve read about you in the histories of the lost Longshot mission.
“And we are presumed lost in space, half of us dead? I can’t wait to read my own eulogy.”
“I’m sure there will be several in the books I’ll bring next time I visit.”
“You said something about things going wrong on Terra?”
“The world has fallen into totalitarianism. A clique of oligarchs run the planet for their own pleasure and the little people keep their heads down and try not to make waves.”
“What happened to the so-called Guardians of Freedom?”
“Oh, they still call themselves that. But everypony, eh, everybody else calls them oligarchs, and we walk in fear.”
“Many of us chose to leave because of worry over the erosion of civil liberties under the guardians. It sounds like we were right on target.”
“Yes, ma’am. A lot of people envy those who escaped on the colonization flights.”
“We’re going to have lots of questions for you, but is there anything we need to know right away?”
“Uh, no monsters, at least none that I know of. Oh, it gets misty after sunset, everyone is going to need cover tonight or they’ll get soaked.”
“Is that the worst you’ve got for us?”
“We’ve only spent some weekends here over the last few months. But that’s the worst we’ve seen.”
“I think we’re gonna like it here.”
With no chance of aid from Terra, the colony missions were all planned with the intent of surviving anything that they could imagine going wrong. I doubt that even their wildest dreams contained a planet as perfect as this one.
“Hey, there’s a lot going on. What can I do to help?”
I spent the rest of the day delivering, and occasionally constructing, housing kits. It was more than enough labor to keep me busy until I was ready to drop with exhaustion, but everybody had shelter before sunset. After supper Isha and I walked back to the camp site with Gloam trailing behind us.
“We have a lot to talk about—” Isha was laying out sleeping bags while I lit the campfire “—as soon Gloam’s asleep and we can get some privacy.”
I nodded eager agreement, but I was out cold before my daughter had even lain down.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The next morning, Isha and I woke to the sound of the settlement coming alive for its second day. Before we could draw aside to talk, a messenger interrupted. Instead, the three of us met President Howe for breakfast. I say three, but in point of fact, Gloam stuffed a nutri-bar –the twenty fourth century predecessor of today’s almost palatable FSB– in her mouth and darted away. Her dart turned to a trot and then a gallop as she transformed for a morning run, grey magic fading around her horn as she accelerated.
Diane was already hard at work, planning, directing, and currently taking a damage report from one of her technicians.
“All four of the fabbers are busted up,” he was telling her, “and most of the spare parts are missing. The hull was holed there, and FabLab was open to space. I think I can get one working, but it could take a few years. I should be able to get the others online once I can fab the parts for them.
“Understood. I think your priority right now is to build a house and get that pretty wife of yours pregnant. A few months delay for a multi year project won’t hurt us, but I don’t want you to go waiting for years to start a family.”
“Yes, ma’am!” he said with a grin. “I’ll go find her.”
“I see her now. Debby! Debby!”
Howe waved down a woman in overalls carrying a long handled mallet over her shoulder. She jogged over and grounded the mallet, leaning on it as her unbound breasts spilled out from behind the bib of her overalls.
“What can I do for ya, prez?” she asked cheerfully.
Both their smiles grew wider as Howe explained exactly what she wanted them to do and how they would accomplish their task.
In the mean time I had conclusively proven that dunking improved neither a nutri-bar nor the cup of brown liquid I had been mistaken to accept at the breakfast station. Isha saw me shudder and wisely did not repeat my experiment.
“Some results don´t need to be duplicated,” she muttered.
A moment later Debby and her fab-tech husband hurried happily away to check her basal body temperature and practice .
—
“Ok, while we’ve got a minute, let me tell you the reason I asked you to meet me this morning. I’ve discussed this with my cabinet, and we have decided not to accept your resignation. We don’t expect (or want) you to rule us, but we’d like you to stay Queen.”
I frowned.
“Please?”
“I have but one condition to demand.”
“Yes, your Highness?”
“I reserve the royal prerogative to—” here I pounced “—noogie anyone who calls me ‘your Highness’!”
As I ground my knuckles into her scalp her ankle hooked behind mine and we both landed atangle.
“It’s just a title!” she insisted as best she could – I hadn’t lost my grip on her head and now her face was pressed against me as I continued to abuse her scalp. Her hands were free and she started to tickle.
“Break it up, you two,” Isha said. “Before I get jealous. Or join in!”
I released the president and rolled to the side before sitting. I had no illusions of winning a wrestling match against Isha. And I'd definitely want some privacy for losing that bout.
“Okay. But try not to make a big deal about it?”
“Thank you,” she panted. “Can we make you a crown?”
“That’s pushing it…”
But a group of engineers needed her attention and I’d have to argue the point later.
—
As another group finished a consultation with President Howe, Isha caught my eye and mouthed a name. I turned back to the President.
“Diane, We’re wondering something. We know a band of itinerant artists, engineers, craftsmen. They are living illegally in empty, condemned arcologies. Can—”
“Yes,” Howe broke in, “unless they are violent hoodlums, we want them.”
I ignored Isha’s side-eye. Tackle one President and suddenly you’re a hoodlum.
“We lost almost a hundred of our number, and more to the point we all went through the same screenings and the same training. We’d love to get some outsiders. You, and your daughter, and you too, Isha, are welcome too, please join us. If you’re in danger on Terra, stay with us. You are our heroes.”
For a moment my heart leapt at the notion of migrating permanently to Gallop. But my despite weakness and failure, my husband would surely come for me some day. Whether I deserved it or not, I knew she would never give up as long as she lived. The thought of Twilight searching Terra, in vain, for me was too much to bear and the tears started.
“I can’t stay, I just can’t. There’s somepony I have to wait for, even if it kills me.”
Howe stood and threw her arms around me. “It’s okay, it’s okay, do what you need to. But if you ever need it, there will always be a place for you on Gallop.”
Isha was holding me too, and for a moment I just floated in the double embrace.
Without disentangling, or bothering to dry my eyes, I murmured, “Isha, you should stay here where it’s safe. You—”
“I’m sticking it out on Terra,” she said, and I knew there was no arguing with her.
“Thank you,” I said to Diane, pulling myself together after the burst of emotion, “I’ll try to check in when I can. What’s on the slate for today?
“My physics team is down to one, so if Isha can help set up her equipment, I’m sure Dr. Smith’d appreciate that. Maybe you could grab Debby’s hammer and take over driving anchoring stakes so that the pop up shelters can’t blow away if the weather changes before we build more solid housing. I’ll try to find something grubby enough to warrant your daughter’s attention.”
—
After a morning anchoring all the shelters, I broke for lunch and went looking for my daughter.
I found Gloam down by the crick. Somehow she was directing the effort of a team of adults who were completing the trenchwork she had started. A half dozen workers with two small excavators had nearly completed the task after only a couple of hours, already the hose and power cable were buried and ready for the team who would connect the ends.
Soon there would be something like a beginning of civic infrastructure. Primitive outhouses had been set up as a temporary convenience, but there another team extracting the Seven’s water recyc for repair and re-purposing as a small sewage plant beyond the outskirts of town. A self contained purification plant was already supplying drinkable water, hauled in buckets from the crick. By tomorrow it would draw from the water line Gloam and her team had prepared.
Looking for Isha, we headed back uphill together, trekking to the far side of my initial campsite where the observatory would be located. The plan was to move it further away once the city grew too large and bright but for now their instruments, as well as my relocated telescope, were set up just beyond the circle of fruit trees.
Loren Smith, the one remaining physicist on the mission, chose to stay and calibrate the equipment they had set up while Isha joined us for lunch.
The three of us sat together with bowls of reconstituted stew that had traveled light years. I needed to talk to Isha after my emotional outburst after breakfast but Gloam was sticking like her infamous glue despite having spent her morning being totally independent.At first I thought she was trying to block Isha and me apart – and then I realized that what she was doing, she was trying to be close to both of us. She couldn't possibly realize what was at play, only that she sought stability. I nodded subliminally to Isha. Conversation could wait – we both scooted closer to Gloam and let her take what comfort she could. Almost like a real family.
“Do you Garny’s people will want to come here?” I asked.
The topic of potential emigres was alright for a family discussion.
“Uh, yeah. I know you haven’t met him, but he used to work in maintenance at the lab. Hardcore fantasy reader. If I tell him that you have a one way door to another world wild, eh, ponies won’t be able to hold him back.”
“What about the rest of the group?”
“I think they’ll follow where he leads. He’s kept them alive this long, they trust him.”
“Will there be more kids?” Gloam bust in to the conversation.
“About ten or a dozen. There are several family groups in the band.”
“Yay! More minions for Princess Gloam!”
Somepony needed to teach that girl a thing or two about what princessing was all about.
After lunch, Isha went back to work doing more physics stuff. Meanwhile Gloam and I turned pony and headed out to deploy more security nodes at the security guy’s request. Having unexpectedly benefited from the gear that I brought, Eric Choi was getting additional coverage with his own equipment. He wanted eight nodes in a ring five kilometers across surrounding heart of the colony, which meant that we had about thirty kilometers of trotting ahead of us. It would be good exercise, and we could do the work faster than humans afoot could. The warning system would give the colony time to react if anything hostile appeared. The possibility still seemed vanishingly unlikely, but I approved of the care they were taking.
“Mom,” Gloam asked as we set up the third of the tripods, using our hooves to drive the anchors into the ground, “are you really okay after flying that spaceship? Something seems different.”
I had mostly recovered from the magic overload, but how much had she seen? Could she see how the power had affected me?
“I think so.” I smiled – physically, my words were quite true. “It was a very close thing—” with a twinge of guilt I realized that there was more than one way to interpret my words “—but I pulled it off.”
“I thought you might die.”
“I had my worries, too, but it takes a lot to kill your ma, sweetie. I’ll try to be more careful.”
“It was real right? It kinda seems like a dream.”
“Let’s just call it a dream, baby.”
It would be easier that way.
I raised a hoof to the sensor head and tried to wiggle it. Rock solid.
“Time to go, we got five more of these to set up before din-din.”
By the time the last node was anchored in position, hoof was already setting. After a hot afternoon of work, and the cool of the coming evening, the promise of supper inspired us to gallop.
—
“I suppose, if it’s been two hundred years, the reports from all the other Longshots are public record back home,” Guy asked over dinner.
Isha and I sat with him and Diva to eat. All the children, Gloam with them, ate together. Maybe a quarter of the young colonists had been swayed, so far, by Gloam’s naturism. Adults were slower to adjust, but Isha and I were not the only nudes in the crowd.
“Yep, and its taught in History at school. Any kid in the Solar Worlds can recite the Longshot series, ask Gloamie, they have a song about it. Of course, you being alive is going to change the lesson plan. Terra presumed that there was no hope for the Seven after you lost your flight crew and shot off the ecliptic. The image of the lost starship flying forever… very poetic.”
“What happened? The companionway to the main bridge was sealed off and I could see stars through the window. We’ve all seen how beat up the Seven is now, but some of that happened during the landing.”
“The fricken miraculous landing,” Diva said as an aside.
“You hit a rock on the way out of Sol system,” Isha explained. “Apparently it didn’t show up on the radar. Which should be impossible. From the amount of damage done, there is no way it was small enough for radar to miss. Meanwhile, every man, woman, and child in the world held their breath as the damage report came in. Your main antenna was destroyed, a strut in the backup antenna array was failing. Then we lost the signal,” her voice dropped to a whisper, “and you were gone.”
I stood to go see if the mess crew would suffer me to help them with the cleanup.
“Haunting,” said Guy, “I wonder if my sister made it? She was on the Longshot 9.”
I sat precipitously again, nearly dropping my plate, but at least I didn’t black all the way out.
“What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”
“Guy, I think I just heard a ghost. Go ask my daughter to sing you the Longshot song.”
Rather than question me, he stood and walked towards the area where the children congregated. In a few minutes he was back.
“The song only goes up to seven. What gives?”
“I don’t know. Everybody on Terra knows that there were seven Longshot flights.”
Close at my side after my near faint Isha nodded her agreement.
“And now you tell me there were nine.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Hooves pounding the groundmoss, I galloped across the rolling hills of a planet named after the very deed. I wouldn’t say that I was running from my confusion, but a few hours of exertion would surely clear my head for a much needed conversation. Instead of thinking, I focused on my gait. Hooves touched down, lifted again, one, two, three, four, and a moment of suspension almost like flight, one, two, three, four. I’d fly for real once I was safe from being seen.
I passed the new outer ring of security nodes and pressed onward, slowing to a post trot for endurance sake. A few more kilometers and I was pretty sure it was safe to fly. Taking to the wing, I sprang into the dawn, flying low to put more distance between myself and the eyes of the colony before gaining altitude.
I was further away from my original base of operations than I had ever been before; soon I was descending out of the sunlight on the far side of the hilly region. Beyond, the vegetation changed. Groundmoss was increasingly interrupted with clumps of bulbous growths, some almost as tall as my ankles. Accidentally stepping on one, I found a texture similar to a firm mushroom. Ahead, the first forest I had seen. Closer inspection showed plants utterly unlike Terran trees.
Stems rose slender from the ground – prodded with a hoof they revealed themselves to be stiff with some flexibility. Some were nearly straight, others twisted and wound like corkscrews. Above my head the stems started joining together into larger stems, growing in size as they shrank in numbers. In fact, they looked like upside down trees, hundred and thousands of stems? roots? branches? reaching, joining, forming each single trunk pointing up into the sky. I wandered bemused through the invert forest as Hoof crested the hills where I had left sunrise behind.
As the sun warmed the trunks they sang.
At last I found the mechanism for the polyphonal orchestra of dawn. Each stem was hollow, with inlets just above ground level. Heated by the sunlight, convection inside must pull air up to vent far above through the chimney-like trunks pointed into the sky. By now I had wandered deep beneath the strange growths. The individual stems didn’t appear to grow randomly, rather they were preferentially arranged in loose sheets that almost formed walls, creating an endless maze of naturally groined passages and chambers. The gaps in the walls were far too small to fit through; visibility through the gaps made orientation more confusing than the simple blank passages of a labyrinth would be. There was no sign of leaves, but the ground was thick with trackless layer of what appeared to be leafmould, soft and comfortable under my hooves. Soon I gave up all hope of retracing my steps and turned my gaze upwards to the clear sky above the forest.
POP
Wings spread, I drifted down to land cautiously on the top of one skyward trunk, larger and taller than many of its neighbors. It supported my weight handily, only swaying a little. As I had theorized, it was hollow all the way to the top and a gentle updraft emerged, fluttering with the song of the tree.
Further away the forest grew thicker, with trees towering above my perch. I had no idea how the biology of these plants might work and once again I felt envy for the colonists and the wonders they would discover.
Speaking of whom, their day would be getting under way, and it was well time for me to head back and try to be useful. Sometime today, I knew I would be ready to portal back to Terra, but I didn’t want to risk trying too soon and possibly fizzling out –an additional three days of absence might be noticed. To give a suitable safety margin, I planned to try closer to sunset and I could surely find work to keep me busy until then.
I touched down in the hills between the forest and my goal, and galloped towards the new city. As I ran, I speculated about the command I had been given. Why did the holy one require me to hide my abilities from those I loved? How long would I live this lie?
The goddess said ‘so long as I live’. Well, at least she allowed me some avenue of escape from deception.
—
Back at the germinal seed of a new civilization, I sought out the security guy first, to update his map. ‘Invert Forest’, I wrote, estimating the distance and direction I had traveled. For a description of the land feature I was describing, I simply advised anyone regarding the map to present themselves at the forest before just before sunup. As I finished my annotation he admonished me not to venture outside the perimeter without checking in first. As a reluctant queen, I agreed to consider his suggestion.
—
Isha and I spent the balance of the morning tilling and plowing, using equipment which arrived with the Seven. The agricultural team was eager to get seeds in the ground. They were inspired by my plot of spuds, the young plants a bit past ankle-high. If those grew, there was every reason to expect that the seeds which had flown on the Seven would also thrive.
I gifted the new head of AgOrg (her superior had been a collision fatality) a box of seeds I had carried through my portal. It was a bittersweet handoff. Della was clearly delighted to have more stock to work with. I found myself thinking how Isha and I might have spent the day planting if the ship had not landed here.
—
Before the midday meal, a ceremony was held for those who had died in the collision. Some of the bodies had been lost to space; the rest, cremated. The bell of a rocket engine furnished an urn sufficient to hold their ashes and memorialize the loss. But loss was not going to slow anyone down. The ultimate memorial would be the success of the survivors and they were off to a good start.
The monument stood at the crest of a low rise, a ways off from the town that had sprung up in the last two days and we all gathered below it.
The eulogy was given by the ship’s poet. I had no idea the ship had evenhad a poet – the short, redheaded, mechanic had been half buried in the innards of this or that machine every time I saw her, never speaking a word. She had also been one of the first adults to join in the growing nudist movement. Apparently bare skin was easier cleaned of assorted machine fluids than her shipsuit; laundry facilities were still somewhat lacking.
Bridget, the poet, stood before us, wearing only a belt, a wrench tucked into it, and a smear of some grime across her freckled breasts. As soon as she opened her mouth I realized why she spoke so little. Her voice was poetry and my hand tightened involuntarily around Isha’s. She spoke for the dead, their dreams and the hopes that had sent them questing to the stars. The deceased were alive in her words and I grieved as if I had known each one individually. By the end of her speech, not a single eye was dry.
After the doxology she raised her arms, hands spread wide as she intoned the final words of her message.
“From across a sea of stars we come, to this our home. One day each one of us will mingle our dust with the soil of this world. My brothers and sisters, be at peace.”
On the hill above her, the rocket engine burst to life. A pillar of flame a hundred metres tall scattered the mortal ashes on an alien breeze.
—
By evening I felt sure that my power must be recovered from whatever unknown drain prevented me from using it too soon.
Ready or not, it was time for Isha, Gloam, and I to step back to everyday life and maintain the illusion that we had not made our illicit voyage.
We could look around at the result of three days of effort with sense of satisfaction.
The colonists, plus the three of us, had been hard at work. There were streets of a city measured out and marked with stakes and chalk lines. Families had set up tents and prefab pop-ups on their chosen parcels of land. Freshly tilled garden plots were everywhere, planted with Terran seeds to see what would grow. Dr. Howe had a government pavilion –she called the inflatable dome the rotunda– in the center of a vast area measured out for a future seat of a planetary government. Communal kitchen tents and other functional shelters were set up near the rotunda; for now that was the heart of the community.
And a great circle circumscribed my initial campsite with its ring of trees – Founder’s Park they were already calling it and preserving it for the future. Standing in the park there was almost no indication that the population of this world had grown by more than a hundred fold.
“I’ll see you soon!” I called, and cast my portal spell.
The entire colony, four hundred and forty eight survivors, had gathered to see us off and they were entirely too solemn. We weren’t on our way to our own funerals.
Author's Note
There will be a brief pause while I work on something else. See you in February!
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Alone in my kitchen I contemplated the blade.
Despite the long time since I had availed myself of this instrument, my fingers found its hiding place without error. Bitterly sharp and mirror sheened, this was no rude chopper of vegetables. The handle had once been bone pale wood, but no amount of scrubbing ever removed the dark stains soaked into the grain.
“Maybe tomorrow,” I told it, but kept my voice hushed.
By my calculation it was my three thousand four hundred sixty seventh night without Twilight, and after such a short absence I had almost cheated on her.
For another minute I watched my reflection in the knife. The razor edge sang to me, offering blood, pain, and some kind of an atonement. I hadn’t cut myself since first visiting the shrine of Aphrodite and it felt like a betrayal of the goddess to contemplate it. But I still owed penance for nearly giving myself to Isha. I drew the knife until it just touched the under side of my arm. The skin was crosshatched with lines of scar tissue, one more wound, or a lifetime more of wounds, would make little difference in the inevitable end.
Once more, magic had failed me. I had cast as soon as Isha was gone, as soon as Gloam was asleep in her bed. Once more the portal to Equestria had not opened, though I had attempted the spell with more power than I had ever used before. My despair, my need to throw myself at Twilight’s hooves and beg forgiveness, had led me to channel greater energy than floating an entire starship safely to the ground. There had been a feeling of a breakthrough just as my attempt faltered, but nothing happened.
At last I pulled the knife away from the fragile shell of my mortality, still unbloodied. I would gain no new scars tonight.
“Maybe tomorrow something changes,” I muttered, “or maybe tomorrow I cut.”
Or maybe, before tomorrow, I would bring my sin to its perfection. Isha had only been gone for an hour. I was afraid of what might happen when she returned.
—
Stepping through the portal, we found ourselves back in my domicile. It should have represented the comfort of home; instead it just seemed a drab cage after the glory and possibility of Gallop.
“Dibs on the shower!”
Gloam scampered off.
I was still holding Isha’s hand.
Shyly I raised my eyes to hers.
Bear’s voice interrupted. “Doctor Myrtle, someone has been in your domicile while we were off planet. Arcology security has it locked down, but they want you to check it out. I can’t connect to your Jeeves unit.”
“Frigga’s tits in cold armor!” Isha cussed, “It’s not like anything I care about is light enough to steal.” This kiss was only a quick peck. “I’ll be back when I can.”
And she was gone.
—
My pulse quickened at the thought of what could have happened if she hadn’t been called away. What would happen when she returned.
I raised the knife again, the guilt was intolerable. I didn’t deserve Twilight or Isha. Cut a little deeper this time and neither would be troubled by me again. There was a pin-point of pain just before breaking the skin, an exhilarating rush of terror and hope for an escape. All I need to do was press harder and—
Pop
I knew only one thing that made that sound.
One pony, that is.
One very particular pony’s very particular unique rose coloured teleport spell.
Time turned to thick, slow, syrup. I couldn’t breathe, I could barely move in my haste to seize Twilight forever. My chair pirouetted and skittered across the floor as I spun from the seat. I dropped the knife, was half across the room before I heard it clatter on the table and then I was burying my face in her coat.
“No, no, no, you have to be real this time,” I knotted my fingers in her mane, “don’t go, don’t be another dream.”
“Hey there!” she laughed, “what a welcome! It’s good to see you again.”
She kissed my lips and I began to believe she was really back.
“It’s really you at last? I’m awake?” I released one hand from her mane and slapped myself in the side of my face. Hard. Hard enough to see stars, to leave my fingers stinging. “Not a dream,” I muttered, half staggered by the impact.
“Tangent!” She was startled by the ferocity of my self-check “I can tell something is badly wrong but I can’t put my hoof on it yet. Was it too long, did you give up on me, is there somepony else? Do you still love me?”
“Oh, Twilight, my Twilight. Yes I still love you, yes, yes and still more yessy-yessing. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m not upset, angry or hurt about the time we’ve been apart. But there will be no denying that I have changed – I hope you find that you still love me.”
“Changed how?”
“Tell me, what’s the last thing you remember before we were parted?”
“We were genderswapped, I was riding you hard—” a hint of blush shew on her purple cheeks “—I was coming in you, oh I was coming so hard, it was like nothing I ever experienced before, I never knew what it was like for a stallion before, I was pumping you full of seed, my love. And then Celestia opened the dark portal and you fell through.” She was ashamed. “Maybe if I had been less focused on owning your plot and defying Celestia I could have been paying attention to what spell she was casting. I’ve been obsessing over my mistakes for all these weeks we’ve been apart.”
“Hmmmm, weeks? That explains a lot. Rather, confirms it.” I squeezed her harder. “I need you, Twilight. Really need you. Badly. But first, there’s something you need to know.”
She looked serious, almost alarmed or afraid of what I might reveal.
“Not the bad stuff.” I gave her a half smile and a kiss on the muzzle. “I can tell you the bad stuff later.” Another kiss. “Give me a smile and we’ll start with the good news.” I smiled for real now. “Really.” I nodded vigorously, I must have looked half crazed. “This is good.”
Twilight ventured a small smile.
“Really good,” I insisted, and she cautiously allowed the corner of her mouth to curve a little further upwards.
I exsinuated myself from the embrace, gestured for Twilight to wait a moment, and stepped down the hall to Gloam’s room.
“Wake up, honey,” I whispered, “your father is here. Time to meet her.”
Gloam woke instantly, launched herself like a silent cannonball into my arms, almost knocked me down. “Oh, you’re so big and strong honey, almost bigger than mommy! Daddy’s going to be so thrilled!” Only eight and change and she was almost as tall as my shoulder.
On whim I grabbed Gloam’s nice cloak, the one coloured like the last traces of sunset at the bottom hem fading upward into stars at the shoulder – kinda like her name. I threw the cloak over her shoulders after she slipped into her black and silver jammies. The ensemble looked so good I grabbed her favorite tiara too. Matte black metal and cheap oversized lunar diamonds, nestled into the peach-fuzz of new hair growing in after the gradeschool gluepocolypse of late unspeakable history. Dame Rarity could scarce have done better – and you only get one chance to make a dazzling first impression.
A kiss on her cheek finished preparations. “Lets go introduce you to Daddy. Curtsy nicely.”
I walked back to the central room of the dom’, holding Gloam’s hand. My heart swelled with love and pride. Our daughter was so wonderful, I knew Twilight was going to love her.
“Oooh! What a pretty human-foal!” Twilight exclaimed. “She looks so much like you, I didn’t know you had a younger sister, too.”
“She is my daughter.”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Who’s her mother?”
“I am. Your spell stayed in effect, I'm still female from your magic.”
It seemed that she had neither noticed the thinly concealed contents of my chemise nor the corresponding lack of bulge to my panties.
I pulled a pout and added, “They’re smallish but I do have boobs,” soto voce .
Twilight was clearly staggered, but her query was insightful.
“Buh? Huh? Wuh?” she asked.
“You,” I beamed. “Congratulations, Princess, you’re a father.”
“Oh. My. Celestia. What. Happen?”
You could have knocked her over with a feather.
Gloam and Twilight stared into each other's eyes, sizing each other up. Gloam solemnly reviewing everything I had ever told her about her father, everything her peers had told her about having a father. And Twilight, her heart visibly melting as she took in the enormity of discovering that she herself was the father of a young filly.
After an endless moment Twilight quietly asked, “Just how much time has passed in your world?”
“Gloam Jet Sparkle,” I said, “allow me the pleasure of presenting your father, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Please tell Daddy how old you are.”
Gloam curtsied, “I am pleased to meet you, father. I turned eight a few months ago. Mommy and I have have lots of fun, but we wish you were with us.”
“Nine years,” the princess said, aghast. “By Tartarus… Oh, Celestia, what hast thou wrought?”
I let go of Gloam’s hand and moved to Twilight’s side – I thought she might faint, but she rallied herself, stood steady on her hooves.
“Gloam Jet Sparkle?” Twilight addressed her daughter for the first time.
Gloam nodded, a hint of smile beginning to break through her solemn mien.
Turning to me Twilight asked, “You named our daughter Gloam Jet Sparkle?”
“The other parent was detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure at the time of naming,” I observed. “I hope you approve.”
Twilight reared, threw her forelegs around us both, pulled Gloam and me into her embrace. “Approve? It’s perfect! She’s perfect! You’re perfect! Gloam, do you want to be a big sister?”
And then she started sobbing.
“Actually,” Gloam fought against weeping, “I rather like being singleton.”
In grade school lore, younger siblings did not capture nearly the same mystique of a father.
At last we were a family, and we dampened the carpet with our tears of joy.
Together.
Author's Note
This chapter marks the start of Arc 4
Return
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Celestia and Twilight headed for the showers, sweaty from their laps around the track.
“Oh, yeah, good gallop, Celestia. I’m feeling that.” Twilight shifted her weight from side to side as she stretched tired muscles.
After quite pointedly not appearing for Hearthwarming, Twilight had manifested the very next day and joined her elder for exercise. Together they cleared the obstacle course and brutalized some practice dummies crudely modeled after un-matured changelings; then a five kilometer gallop really brought the burn home to them.
“Likewise, dear. I hope Taj’ feels like being on top tonight, if I even stay awake that long. But it’s good to have a workout, I must watch my figure.”
Especially post Hearthwarming, Twilight snarked silently. Those cakes don’t just eat themselves.
Let’s see how your firm flank looks in a thousand years, Celestia didn’t reply.
“You don’t look a day over three hundred,” Twilight said aloud, “is it the exercise, or are you holding out on me and keeping all your ‘shapely and sexy’ spells to yourself?”
“It could be both. You’ll never know until you defeat me! Bahahaha!”
Celestia’s imitation of Daybreaker’s laugh was closer to reality than Twilight liked. She chuckled too, albeit nervously.
“After I walked in on you and Prince Taj’, you said that you hadn’t gotten laid in my lifetime. Tell me more? Who was your last lover, and when?”
“Oh, Twilight, a princess must not buck and tell.”
“Really? Are you gonna pull a Rarity style cop-out for something that happened more than a quarter century ago by your account? I thought that we were close enough that the raw locker-room truth was not off limits.”
“My dear, dear, student, you never fail to astound me. In the whole of existence you have hit on the one topic I am not comfortable discussing with you. Ask me anything else.”
“Anything?”
“The most audacious thing you can think of.”
“Okay, then. As I learned on Terra, let’s go Nuclear Option First… do you like it in the ass?”
“Yes.” Celestia tossed her head defiantly. “As long as it does not get messy. Do you?”
“The jury is still out on dick but Tangent can do some pretty amazing stuff back there with his tongue.”
“Kinky. Any more questions?”
“How often do you clop?”
“A couple times a month most centuries, but not at all now that I have hooked up with young Tajrahaz.”
“Who was your first?”
“This is most strictly confidential—”
Twilight nodded and Celestia hunkered down conspiratorially to whisper in her ear “—but I used to have a brother.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped.
“His name,” Celestia whispered, suddenly tragic, “before the change, was… Lunar.”
“WUT!” Twilight stood in complete flabbergast. She waved a hoof through obscure patterns in the air.
POP
Luna stood there, holding a large golden pair of shears.
“Luna! Did you used to be a colt‽”
“What tomfoalery be this?”
Luna noticed Celestia snickering behind Twilight.
“Oh fie, the ‘Lunar’ gag again. We have not heard that old cheſtnut in centuries – one of the advantages of taking up a reſidency upon the moon. Might we return to our work? We have an all night trauma stand to dedicate and V.I.P.s bewait the ribbon cutting.”
“Violently Injured Ponies?” asked Celestia, quietly , “you said it is a trauma stand, sister...”
Twilight lowered her hoof, trailing motes of light.
POP
Luna was gone and Celestia no longer restrained her laughter.
“Hahahaha, I gotcha,” she snorted.
“You sure did,” Twilight laughed along, “but seriously, did you really… with your sister?”
“No, no, no, that was only a horrible joke, you should have seen your face. I love Luna dearly, but princest has never even tempted me. My first was a charming, kind, aristocratic stallion from the North Counties. A right proper gentlepony he was. Cut, hung, and ever so gracious. Rawr!” The humor faded from her voice as she continued. “He has been dead for centuries, of course, forgotten even in his own hometown. His gravestone is too worn with time to be read, he is memorialized now only in my heart.”
“Awww, that’s so sad, but really sweet,” Twilight said solemnly.
“Every year on a certain day in the spring,” Celestia’s eyes were wide in an exaggerated imitation of feigned innocence, “a white and gilt rose is found on his grave and nopony knows how it gets there…”
After a moment Twilight commented, “well I’ve never had Luna either.”
“No, I would suppose not,” Celestia chuckled.
“Not that I haven’t tried!” Twilight swaggered a little when she dropped it like a bomb.
It was Celestia’s turn to be shocked.
“But you did not? Am I wrong?”
“Nah, she shot me down, though I know she wanted me. Why such alarm?”
“Er, only that I never realized what dark tensions moiled under my very roof. Since we few alicorns all need to work together it is probably for the best that you found love with one from outside our circle.”
“And tomorrow, I will cast the meta-spell I believe will take me back to him. I’m worried, teacher. What if he gave up on me?”
“Surely not? I thought you were confident of his devotion.”
“I am, I trust him. But I was kinda a bitch to him when we first were lov—, eh, well before that even. When we first started bucking. He had good cause to worry that I had abandoned him while I was stuck getting ready for my trial and that was only a few days.”
“This separation has been longer—” nowhere near as long as Celestia had needed to keep them apart for everypony’s good “—but you both must have grown more sure of each other during his weeks in Ponyville.”
Those weeks had been the best of her life; Twilight smiled at the thought of the years she hoped to spend with him. Some day, she knew, she would look back and a mortal’s lifetime would be no more than a flicker of brightness in the dark pit of infinite receding years. But for now, the decades ahead held the promise of vast potential.
“I hope he’s been having a good time on Terra.”
“You really have not shared anything about how you met him. At least not with this old mare.”
“Let’s just say that when I went off the rails—” by some unspoken agreement they would not delve into the how or why of that event, not tonight “—I went looking for action without commitment and somehow blundered into love instead. Emphasis on blunder because I don’t think I did anything right.”
“How long did you know the human before you began the physical phase of your relationship?”
“It was at least three minutes, teacher, but not much more. I didn’t catch his name until some days later.”
“How classy of you, young princess. But he’lln’t’ve’d any doubts after the oath he took so passionately when the two of you pledged yourselves to each other. I do not think you have anything to worry about my dear. I only met the fellow very briefly but I believe he is every bit as enchanted by you, as you are by him. A short time apart will only have stoked his passion for you.”
Twilight blinked.
Her brain had hiccuped at Celestia’s utterly unexpected quadruple contraction and it took her a moment to parse the rest of her Highness’s words.
“If you’re right, I may be gone for a while before we return. I need a little quality time with just him and me, and nopony else. No audience, if you know what I mean. We’ll lock his door and it will be the two of us.”
“And I will stand by my word, when you bring him back.”
“If Tangent destroys Equestria I formally cede you the right to say ‘I told you so’. And I’m willing to put that in writing, signed in blood!”
“Jest not, young one. I will not find any comfort in being right as ponies die around me – my own death will be welcome in the face of such failure. Are you done quizzing me?”
“I think that was enough impertinence for now. I only asked my first question because these eight weeks have been hard on me—”
“The rest of us too, dear,” said Celestia quietly.
“—and that made me think about how long you’ve been solo. Even if you never, ever, tell me about it I hope that your last relationship, however long it lasted, was insanely wonderful since you’ve spent so long with nopony special. I’m glad things are working out for you and Prince Tajrahaz.”
“Thank you, Twilight. I do hope that ten, twenty, fifty years from now you are the one telling me ‘I told you so.’”
“And in a hundred years when Tangent is dead, or in a thousand when I have outlived him by centuries, what then, teacher? What do I do then?”
“We will grieve our loves together, and we will never forget though the millennia burn beneath our wings like leaves in the fury banewind.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Despite the joy of a newly united family, its best to keep a low profile in a broken world. Even a world you hope to leave in only a week or so. Gloam would need to go to school tomorrow to maintain our cover, and for school she needed her rest.
After we tucked our daughter back into bed, Twilight and I sat together on the sofa in my room. It was not by chance that there was room for both human and pony on the custom furniture.
“How old are you now?” Twilight asked.
“I’m thirty five.”
“It’s only been about two moons for me. I can’t believe this, it’s just too much for me.”
Two moons. Where I had been almost of an age with her, now i was nearly a decade older.
I scooted closer to her, stealing what comfort I could before I had to tell her the worst.
“Fifty,” she said absently as I lost myself in her warmth.
“Fifty?”
“The time differential. Time has been moving approximately fifty times faster here than in Equestria. If I spent a half hour daydreaming, a day passed for you. Every week that I wasted was a year for you. A bucking year. ” Her voice turned solemn. “When should I ask you about the bad stuff?”
“Now is as good as time as any. You might not want to have anything to do with me once you know it all.”
She started to speak, stopped when she saw my grim expression.
“I know, you want to say I’m wrong. But listen anyway and I will tell you the bad part.”
Twilight held her peace as I heaved a sigh.
“I’ve missed you so much, these long years. But I can’t claim that I have lived purely, while waiting for you. I’ve been raped, assaulted, turned some tricks in necessity, and one time I practically assaulted Leon. I have shed blood when needed. I nearly took a lover in my despair.”
“Oh, Tan—”
“Do you need to know all the gruesome details to make up your mind?”
“Make up my mind about what?”
“If you even want me anymore, these tainted goods. I’m so sorry that I did not protect your property better.”
“Did my cruelty, my petty rudeness, and the nightmare spell of the rape monster scare you away from me?”
Some part of my mind recognized how logically she was responding to my panic. Logical… and sexy .
“Obviously, no.” I tried to respond in kind, but logic wasn’t going to save me. “Those things were before we were really together. I don’t really have that excuse.”
No moment had ever held more terror. Twilight had finally returned and here I felt myself a worthless slattern.
“Oh! You’re shaking! Honey!”
I couldn’t hold back the tears any more, and buried my face in her mane again.
“I… I don’t what to do,” she said.
“Just hold me,” I wept, “and tell me if we can still be together. Because, believe it or not, I still haven’t told you the bad part.”
“Tell me the bad part.”
“Worse than anything that happened to me, worse than anything I did, for just a while I almost gave up on you.”
“You are mine forever, beloved. I ripped a hole through reality to get here and be with you. Though Celestia styles herself princess, she is my queen but I defied her advice to be here now. I had no idea that there would be a time differential, that it had been so long for you. I could never reject you for what you suffered while you were alone. You don’t have to tell me all the details unless you need to.”
“I’ll tell you if I need to talk about it. And you tell me if you need to know more.”
“It’s a deal. You said rape.” Her voice was grim again. “I will obliterate whoever dared lay one hoof upon—”
“I already killed him, trust that he did not find his death an easy one. He looked damnation in the eye before I relented. Anything else?”
“I don’t know. I’m still processing this. What did Celestia do to you?”
“She couldn't have known what would happen.”
“But—”
“No buts, Princess, my love. I’d rather her Highness never knows what I went through. Please. I can’t imagine how to avoid it sounding like an accusation.”
“Did you really force yourself on Sir Leon?”
“I tried. I’d sometimes meet Leon in dreams and he would just hold me while I wept. But I haven’t had sex with him since before Slimedark. I threw myself at him one time a couple years back. I was a complete wreck, weeping and begging.”
“He seems to be a wise enough fellow. I’d be in no position to complain if you had found some comfort in his arms; I owe him a thank you for the metaphorical kick in the heiney he gave me . What happened?”
“He refused me, he had to. He’s married now and I damn well knew it. I left ashamed, angry, and frantic. Not a good situation.”
“Didn’t you manage to get laid at all?” she asked as casually as if she was inquiring about making a second choice when the baker is out of a favored dessert. There was no judgment in her question. “Seriously, if you were alone for nine years, not knowing if we would ever see each other again, I couldn’t blame you.”
“When tentacle monsters failed to satisfy me, I turned to ritual masturbation. Then I had to kill two fools who tried to assault me while I falling asleep in the afterglow.”
“Tentacles and then ritual what? That's not any magic that I know about. You know that her Highness Celestia keeps sex magic locked down pretty tight, only Cadance is allowed to use any. The spell I used on us is one not even Cadance would be allowed to cast. Maybe you can put on a show for me?” her mischievous smirk was still tinged with rue but it lit up my heart.
I pressed myself closer. “If you plan to keep me, then my heart, my flesh and my lore are yours to command. But tonight I will need to be close to you, plain and simple.”
“Be mine and I will never let you go. I have bit of a confession, too. I threw myself at at Luna to try to convince her to send you a message across the worlds. It really wasn’t fair of me to do that to her… she rebuffed me as honor required. And then I learned that she had already sent word, before I even asked, by way of Leon. Did you get the message?
“Yeah, I had been alone for six months, I was pregnant and emotional, and it was so good to know that you were okay. I knew you wouldn’t leave me, so sometimes I feared for your safety. Poor, dear, Princess Luna, my happiness is at her expense.”
We lay for a while in silence.
“Twilight?”
“Yes, dear?”
“We’re going back to Equestria, right?”
“If you’ll come home with me, yes. Otherwise, I’ll stay with you here or find us another world.”
I had already found another world, one which would be perfect. But I was more interested in getting back to Equestria.
“Will her majesty permit me—”
“Yes. That’s all settled. though I must have further words with her.”
“It’s gonna take a while to get the energy to take us all across, right?”
“Especially with a foal to bring too,” she agreed. “Even without flying in the clouds like last time, my magic reserves are mostly drained, and I know from experience that magic recharges slowly here.”
I nodded in agreement. Equestrian magic certainly did recharge slowly.
“It was hard work breaking through Celestia’s barrier spell and I foalishly didn’t think to charge up before coming to you – I should have waited just a little while; five minutes would have been enough and even with the time difference, that would have only been about four more hours for you. I don’t think it would have hurt anything. But a week or so should be long enough and then we can go home, that should be no big deal.”
“In the mean time,” I asked her, “can you grow a penis?”
Author's Note
“I don’t think it would have hurt anything.”
I assume that I don’t need to spell it out that Twilight is wrong. She may never know what bullets she dodged, that’s just between you and me right now.
Pop Quiz, everypony: What comes after “The Bad Stuff”? Answers in the comments.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“A penis?”
Twilight looked at me, a mock-serious expression recalling our sexual role-playing of so long ago. I remembered her imperiously commanding me to go down on her in the shower. That must be almost a fresh memory for her, I told myself.
“Penis?” she repeated, standing so she could look sternly down on me where I sat, “since when does my human wife use such cold, clinical, language?”
I slipped from the sofa and knelt. I placed my forehead on the floor between her fore-hooves.
“Forgive me, Twilight, my prince, my lord and husband. What I meant to say was cock . I want you. With a cock. I want your hard throbbing pony stallion cock to split my human pussy. Plow this plot like a spring field when the master has returned from a long journey. Stretch me, fill me, explode inside me. Wash me clean of every unwelcome touch that has tormented my skin in your absence. I want you to finish giving me the fucking that you started years ago.”
Twilight gently placed her hoof on the back of my head held my face down to the floor. Oh, so gently, she held me there. Sorrow and worry had given way to utter lust and complete submission. I moaned, “buck me. Own me. Fill me. Drench me. I can feel it, I feel your power flowing, your body is changing and oh l love your pussy, Twilight, but right now I want your cock.”
Twilight's transformation spell completed.
“Fortunately,” she said, “it doesn’t take much power to repeat a change I’ve done before. Rise, beloved, and take that which is yours.”
She took her hoof from my head.
I raised my head up between Twilight’s forelegs and, lo, she was indeed male again. From this perspective her stiffening cock was pointed directly at me. I crawled forward, squeezing between her forelegs so that she had to shift her hooves, until I was under her, breathing hungrily on the tip of her erection. I worshiped it, rubbed my face along the shaft, kissed the flare, teased at her urethra with my tongue. When I opened my mouth wide and tried to suck it, I could only take the head and a bit of the shaft and that little was a tight squeeze. This definitely worked better when I was a pony too.
“…teeth…” squeaked Twilight in a somewhat higher pitch than her normal male voice. Silently I chuckled at the notion of ‘normal’. This was only our second time with her being the male to my female. There was too much undiscovered territory ahead of us to have any idea what normal meant.
I slipped my mouth off of the end and moved to massage the sensitive area under the glans with just my lips. I had scooted around to sit under her now, using my hands to roll her balls around in her heavy hanging scrotum.
“Tangent… if you keep up like that I am going to come all over your face…”
“mmmhmmm I’m counting on that. You good for two shots? Or more…”
“I really don’t know, I’ve only ever had one male orgasm, and that time we had a royal party-pooper before we could explore the possibilities.” I think she whispered, “Forgive me, teacher, ” under her breath.
“We’re gonna find out more this time, mmkay?” I continued to massage her balls with one hand while I moved the other hand to stroke her cock.
“I—” Twilight started to say.
“That wasn’t actually a question.”
I returned my mouth to her cock and luxuriated in the sensation of licking and sucking the soft skin of her hard erection. It was glorious and huge and I wished I could take the entire mighty majesty of the perilous pleasure poker into my mouth without scraping her painfully – it was important that she enjoy this as much as I did.
I felt her growing harder in my hand and started to taste a hint of pre-come so I let go of her balls to wrap both my hands around the girth of her hardness. I had one hand above her medial ring, and one below; both hands quite full, stroking her, sliding the loose skin of her shaft and feeling the deeper rigidity it covered.
“Oh, Twi, I wish my mouth was big enough for all of you. It’s so big, so hard.”
“…” Twilight made a sound like she was trying to speak words but had forgotten how.
Instead of waiting for her to find her voice, I stroked faster and felt her cock starting to throb with her immanent ejaculation. I took a deep breath and when her semen jetted forth I caught a mouthful, filling my cheeks. She was still coming and her come splashed hot on my face and dripped down to my breasts. I gulped; while my mouth was closed to swallow another generous squirt shot along the side of my face and began to trickle down my back. Twilight was slowing and I focused on easing her all the way through her orgasm with the maximum of pleasure for her and the maximum of semen in and on me. After swallowing another mouthful, and receiving more all over my face, the last pulse of it surged into my open mouth.
“Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow” Twilight panted. “That was wow. Get up here and kiss me, my love.”
I rolled out from under her and stood.
“’Wow’ is right” I said, and threw my arms around her. We kissed long and hard and deep and her questing tongue hunted every last taste of pony semen from my mouth. When the kiss ended we stared nose to nose.
“Am I grinning like an idiot?” I asked, “’cos you sure are.”
“Yeah,” she grinned idiotically, “you are.”
“Good. I’m not sure which of us enjoyed that more. And there’s cold come running all the way down my ass crack now.”
Twilight nuzzled my shoulder and turned me around. She lowered her head to my ass, planted her nose between my cheeks, and licked upwards. I wiggled with pleasure as her warm tongue traversed my jizzy anus.
“That’s sorted,” she said. Her voice acquired a sultry rumble, making my knees weak. “Now let me at that pussy of yours,” Twilight growled, “I can smell the heat and lust of you and it maddens me with desire.”
I threw myself half onto my bed, feet on the floor, my bum right on the edge of the mattress, to allow full access to what I offered her. I had carefully spec’d a bed frame which would be extra strong just in case Twilight came back to me in pony form. It looked like my precaution would be paying off.
For a moment she stood still, devouring me with her eyes.
A shiver passed through her body, a frisson of barely restrained lust. My own desire was further stirred by witnessing the effect I had on her and I broke the silence with a small, needy, whine of a sigh and raised one hand in some approximation of come hither . Somehow all this sufficed to draw Twilight to me.
She kissed my knee, and then the other knee. Moving back and forth between my legs she worked her way up my thighs, placed a delicate kiss at the base of my slit. Instead of spreading my labia with her tongue she moved away to kiss my belly. She kissed in a spiral slowly getting closer to my pussy, round and round, nearer then farther, till the exquisite circling led her back to my cleft. By now I could feel my own moisture overflowing, running down and making the sheet beneath me even more damp than the semen and saliva I was already dewed with. She kissed me harder, used a careful hoof to spread me wide, smoothed the narrow strip of pale lilac hair aside, ran her tongue up and down the inner surface of my labia. My breath was ragged and gasping, I was loving every second of delicate torment waiting for her to finally finally finally move her attention to my clitoris. Up and down she continued patiently, as the tide of cataclysm drew inexorably nearer. Then. She was there. And I was gone, gone, gone, over the edge, her slow teasing had put me on the verge of detonation. I grasped her horn with my hand, buried the other in her mane so I could hold her on target as I humped my hips up towards her kiss. But she didn’t need any guidance she was perfect and I rode the orgasm across a galaxy of infinite purple stars where my awareness vortexed into nothing but the hard singularity of contact between Twilight’s tongue and my pleasure.
At some unspeakably distant light year I realized I had forgotten to breathe.
Author's Note
Big thanks to everypony who participated in last week’s pop quiz. If you got the correct answer, give yourself a very special prize. To celebrate the first hundred numbered chapters, this week the question is: based on what you all have learned about mood-swing patterns, what comes after “the good stuff”?
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Early morning in Canterlot.
The capital of Equestria was golden in the glow of new day, dawn light angling beneath the cloud cover. In the still, frosty, air chimney pots trickled tendrils of smoke towards the grey blanket drawn over the city.
High above the city, a lone white alicorn watched the sunrise and saw that it was good.
Princess Celestia had felt the discharge of big magic just as she was raising the sun; she doubted that the timing was coincidence. How perfectly symbolic.
“A new era dawning,” she murmured as a new day dawned.
But Canterlot didn’t look any different, gleaming far below her rarefied eyrie.
The upper city shone gaudily in the early morning. Government offices, corporate headquarters, marble churches, flamboyant theatres, elegant shopping palisades, and many mansions. There was no hint, among the glamour and frufrurry, that the world would soon change. Comfortable in their beds, the pampered and privileged missed out the brief glory of dawn, not daring to dream what might be ahoof.
The lower city, so drab by day, was temporarily transformed to faeryland by the fleeting gold illumination. There she could see a more humble aspect of the realm. There one found the hard working ponies upon whose backs these illusions of importance were built. Gambrel-roofed cottages, with bleary bullseye glass windows lit as the working class prepared for their day’s labor. Fishmongers, iron workers, bakers and ten thousand other tradesponies would be at their stations and working before their nominal betters were even awake. Celestia wished that the artificial boundaries of class and station did not separate her from the so-called low born. But the throne was a gilded trap, she was bound with chains stronger than iron, her duty to the ponies she loved. She could not leave them without a protector. And she could no more walk among them as they were, than she could grab a single quanta with her hooves: to touch was to change and she could only dream from afar. Would their lives change after what would come next? Hopefully only for the better!
A million ponies, and more, dwelt in the capital metropolis. None would have any idea that change was coming, that Twilight had crossed a significant line.
And somehow the barrier spell felt like it collapsed from outside pressure rather bursting outward from the inside.
“How did you manage that, Twilight?”
If the purple mage had been present to answer these question, their roles might have been shockingly reversed. It would ruffle Celestia’s coat of alabaster, to find that her student was now a master.
The outbound spell breaking attempt only moments before had failed completely; somehow Twilight had turned her efforts about with a more powerful impulse from the opposite direction. Nothing in Twilight’s explanation of her plans, nor the rough draft of her spell, had prepared Celestia for such an effect. Pure genius.
“Truly, you are the wrong mare to underestimate.”
Celestia stared directly into the sunlight, focusing on the sunspots and prominences of the stellar surface.
“Those foalish lovers were supposed to spend a much longer time apart,” she said to the dawn orb as if it could advise her in this matter. “I’m just trying to save the world here. But Twilight is just too powerful for anypony to slow down for long. It would be no surprise at all if she’s already rendered the prophesy irrelevant. I can but hope you do not witness an end to ponies, my old friend.”
Sunrise was beautiful but there was an hour of morning rain scheduled and Celestia knew the bright circle would soon be hidden. Already the sun neared the layer of clouds. In a few minutes it would be too high to sneak its rays under the grey layer of gloom above the city. She sighed at the brief beauty of her work. Even a few minutes of pale sunlight would be a treat to early rising ponies who were out and about this time of day, something to brighten the hazy shade of winter.
“Ah, it has been whole minutes since Twilight finished her casting, I wonder what those two could possibly be doing?”
Celestia thought she had a pretty good idea what just might be on Twilight’s mind – at least the tension of the last weeks would be relieved.
“I would bet my crown she’s already getting covered, I pray he knocks her up. A foal will be just the thing!”
Surely that would ease certain transitions, and motherhood would be good for Twilight, too. And quite frankly, Celestia burned with curiosity to know what Twilight’s daughter would be like. How powerful would she be, could she be the one to— Well, no point in putting the cart before. At a bare minimum, eleven months of gestation would slow the purple powerhouse down for a while. Slow her down enough that they could finally discuss—
But was there really anything else to say at this point? With the crisis past, life, it seemed, was moving onward regardless.
Celestia turned from the balcony, happy to see the yak lying in her bed stir. Prince Tajrahaz was just blinking awake, only halfway following her rambling monologue.
“Yes,” she smiled, thinking of being able to spend more time with her lover, “I’ll certainly bet my crown on Twilight.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
102-More of the Good Stuff
The orgasm was fading.
I was lightheaded from the intensity of the pleasure and from my neglected respiration.
But I was ready to attempt Twilight’s daunting pony cock.
“Oh Twilight that was… mmmmmmm yeah… need you in me.”
“You’re so delicious as a girl, honey, and I ache to put it in you.” She drew herself up, fore hooves on the bed above my shoulders, and gently nestled her cock between my thighs, immense, like a third leg. “Are you sure this is going to work while you’re a human mare? You’re smaller than a pony down there.”
“If we go slow it will be fine. I’m soaking wet and relaxed and ready. Gloam’s head was bigger around when she was born. But I don’t know if I can take you all the way in – you’re way longer than any of the human men—” I broke off. None of my IRL sexual experiences with human males had been pleasant.
“Shhhh… Just tell me how much feels good, and when to stop. I promise to stop whenever you say, just like you did for me.”
I let her loving gaze distract me from the fact that the cock pointed at my pussy was nearly the size of my forearm. “I’m ready,” I repeated.
She pressed just a little. I was slick from my own arousal, dripping with Twilight’s saliva, still slathered with the remnants of her ejaculation that had run down my body, and the slippery pre-come oozing again from her cock added to the mass of lubrication. Her glans was not quite lined up with me; I reached down to spread my lips and adjusted her alignment to my gateway. “Now…” I said. “Just a little more…” The tip was in!
“Tight,” she said.
“Mmmm, yeah, work it in, this nnngggh is challenging”
“Am I hurting you?” She froze.
“No, only a little. In the best possible way. Don’t stop.”
My pussy was so full - I couldn’t believe that I had accommodated that enormous slab of pony inside of me. Raising my head I peered towards our juncture and saw that she only just past halfway in.
“There’s more?” I gasped.
Twilight paused again.
“Keep going, I need it all, I need all of you.”
Twilight bucked me carefully, not too hard, as she continued to work her way in. With a pop she was in past the medial ring of her cock – thank goodness she was a pony and not a horse. Evenhalf of a horse cock would be too much. But what Twilight had to offer, I was starting to believe I really could take it all.
“Oh, Tangent!” Twilight groaned.
I might have still been getting used to the sensation of being wrapped around her immense organ, but she was fully engaged in enjoying herself.
“Tanna,” I murmured.
“What?” She stopped thrusting again.
“Keep going like that, don’t stop for anything. That’s my female name. Tanna.”
At the worst possible moment the door slowly opened about an eighth. A panicked thought of Gloam seeing her human mother in wild rut, bucked by her stallion father filled my mind. The relief when I saw Isha’s eyes was immediate, but instantly tinged with guilt.
Her face showed shock for a instant; shock was swept away by a huge grin. She was happy for me, delighted for me. I should have felt awful for her, but the generosity of her heart pushed me closer to a second orgasm which was brewing deep within me.
“Busy! ” I mouthed the word silently and pointed unnecessarily towards the purple stallion occluding the lower half of my body.
“Twilight? ” she silently asked. Her finger comically followed Twilight’s motion as she thrust in and out of me.
I nodded yes, as if there could be any doubt. Did she think I would fuck just any purple pony? Twilight didn’t notice, her eyes were closed. A thrill of pleasure at the thought of Twilight enjoying me so much that she was blind to the world. But I didn’t have any more attention to spare for girl-talk with Isha.
“Twilight, give it all to me now. I’m all warmed up, you won’t hurt me.”
Twilight complied, her thrusts deepening stroke by stroke until each insertion was taking her completely, balls deep, inside me. Maybe it hurt just a little after all.
But.
Oh.
Yes.
Isha’s eyes grew wider and wider as thrust after thrust Twilight’s cock plunged deeper into me. After Twilight had completed a few long, hard, deep strokes my friend made a cheerful and enthusiastically obscene gesture, gave a friendly leer, and slowly began to close the door.
I put Isha out of my mind to focus on my beloved. I ran my fingers across Twilight’s coat as she rode me. Once she was confident she was not hurting me with her entire length she relaxed and started bucking me in earnest. She lowered herself onto me, her weight pinning me to the bed as she slammed into me. With every stroke her heavy balls slapped my ass.
If I don’t die of pleasure, I thought, I’m surely walking funny tomorrow.
My second orgasm was drawing nearer but I wanted to come along with Twilight this time. She was groaning and calling my name. Her head was thrown back so I could not kiss her on the mouth, instead l licked her neck, slicking the purple coat with my tongue. When her pace increased I grabbed her mane I pulled her to me so I could kiss her. I reached up and ran my fingers lightly along her horn, purple sparks drifting off the tip as a magical precursor to her climax. As my touch pushed her over the edge, I let myself go and fell into the moment as we came together.
Once more time dripped like cold syrup as Twilight pumped her hot seed into my blazing lust. Every throb of her cock was a distinct event as my belly filled with heat and sperm, each surge throwing fuel on the fire down below. With a great lunge her last drops exploded inside me but she kept thrusting on and on, the flat glans of her equine cock acting as a piston inside me, pressing against the walls of my vagina to force as much semen as possible through my cervix.
“Oh, Celestia, I wish I was fertile right now,” I mumbled.
Twilight read me perfectly and didn’t slow until my orgasm faded. For a timeless moment she held me and we lay together as her cock softened inside me. As I slipped back into reality all I could see was the unfocused purple blur of her coat, my ears were ringing and there was a soft sound somewhere between a sigh and tuneless singing I finally traced to my own throat. Her cock slid out of me, releasing a hot flood which ran down my thighs and buttocks in ticklish rivulets to drip on the floor.
Twilight climbed up onto the bed and flopped onto her side, her cock shiny and wet, still dripping. I scooted to her and lay down with my head resting on her flank, legs stretched past her head and well apart to make sure she had a good view of my soaked pussy, could smell her semen and my fluids which saturated the strip of purple thatch at my groin and glossed my thighs. As I caught my breath I smiled at her with crossed and half-lidded eyes.
“Tanna,” she said.
“Nnnggg?”
“Just saying your mare-name. Tanna.” She smiled. “I understand your question in the library a bit better now.”
Almost casually she rested a fore-hoof on my pubic mound, applied just enough pressure that I could feel the weight on my clit. I must have moaned or breathed hard – encouraged she moved her hoof in a slow circle, maintaining a constant pressure.
“Tanna, can you come again for me?” she asked.
“Oh, my Twilight, my lover, my husband, my Prince, the room is spinning, I don’t think I could stand up now, but for you I would come until I die. Hoof me,” I gasped, “until I pass out.”
She did.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Despite being hoofed to near-oblivion, a desire for more eventually drew me back towards consciousness. Years without my beloved had resulted in deep accumulations of desire and I needed more from her, even if it killed me.
Twilight was asleep on her back and I made a beeline for her cock. Completely flaccid, her mighty poner of hours past had retreated entirely out of sight. I wrapped my hand around the base, caressing the soft hair of her sheath, and began slide up and down its length. Fucking me had taken a lot out of her and I wasn’t sure at first if she’d get it up for me. But as an adept serving the cult of Aphrodite, I had certain abilities; magic flowed around my hands as I gently jerked my husband’s dick. Twilight didn’t wake yet, but before long the tip emerged– at least her body was responding to my power! She grew more, and I bent my head down so I could kiss that magic spot just below the glans.
Growing somewhat harder, there was enough dick available now for me to really work with and I moved my grip from the sheath to the bare shaft. I really wanted it inside again, but needed to get her fully erect first. And of course it would be nice to have her awake so she could enjoy it too. As soon as there was enough exposed that it took both hands to hold, I relinquished jacking and climbed on top. Still sticky and gooey from our earlier adventures, I wasn’t nearly wet enough for any kind of entry. Instead I lowered down so I could grind myself along the length of her dick, the pressure spreading my labia. Finally she awoke.
“Tanna, what are you—”
I leaned forward and silenced her with a kiss.
But leaning in like that interfered with sliding around; I sat up and resumed action. I was beginning to lubricate and the silky sensation of every vein and ridge of her cock was delightful against the inner surface of my outer lips.
“This is called ‘hot-dogging’,” I explained, “because the—”
“Because of how it looks, I get it. But shouldn’t the hot dog be between your buns ?”
“No, Twilight, you’re gonna kill me if you stick a pony wiener up my bunghole. The pussy is much more flexible.”
“Would you care to demonstrate just how flexible?”
I had slathered her entire length by now and a demonstration would certainly be in order, though it was a shame to interupt my current ride.
Rising to my feet, I stood over Twilight. Without my weight to hold it down, her cock –it was delightfully ready for me– sprang to attention, pointing almost straight at its impending destination. Lining myself up, I bent my knees until we made contact.
A little lower and the flat glans started to press against me.
“Pardon me, is this seat taken?” I quipped.
“—”
Twilight’s reply was lost in a moan as I pushed her first few centimetres inside.
Once more I was astounded by my body’s ability to encompass even part of such a massive cock. Lower and lower I explored the possibility of taking the glorious entirety of it within me. When it risked bottoming out inside me I was still hovering slightly above her body: this wasn’t all of it, there might be more than I could handle from this angle. Careful to respect my limits I rose up and dropped down again, repeated the cycle. After a few minutes like this, the fire of my lust was starting to be matched by the fire of muscle strain in my thighs. Seeing me falter, Twilight raised her forelegs and I grabbed hold to steady myself, pressing my palms against the warm frogs of her feet. With her support I tried to keep going, but I just didn’t have much stamina left in my legs.
Instead, I rocked forward, down onto my knees, careful not to break myself upon her immensity. Backing up, I found that the entire length now fit quite handily, approaching from this direction. It was deep and comfortable, rigid and fulfilling.
“Yee-haw,” I drawled, “is that your saddle-horn, buckaroo, or are you just happy to see me?”
Before Twilight could answer I sealed her lips with my own. Being able to kiss her while I rode her dick was better than magic. Kissing and fucking, I buried one hand in her mane, used the other to jack her horn. My multi-prong attack was too much – when I felt her pre-orgasmic twitch inside me I slowed to a stop and broke the kiss.
“Cooldown,” I said, “and then we’ll switch and you can fuck me pony style.”
“Buck, yeah,” she moaned as i bent down to re-claim her lips.
As we kissed, I kept my body stationary upon hers. She was buried deep inside and I squeezed her hardness by rhythmically contracting my pelvic muscles. It would be fun to get her off this way, but not tonight.
Eventually I rolled off and presented my posterior.
When she sidled around behind me, I felt her gaze surveying the options before her.
“Nuh-uh. Pussy,” I insisted.
“I was just looking!”
“Pussy,” I said again and she complied, mounting me and resting one fore-hoof on my shoulder, the other on the bed
With a push, she was back inside. Maybe half of her length, I estimated, firing off an entirely different collection of nerve endings than our previous positions.
Pausing there, she asked, “good?”
“Great.”
Sliding further into my heated depths, she paused again, groin almost pressing against my butt.
“Still good?”
“Greater.”
“Grammar, love,” she murmured as she began to slowly fuck me.
“More great-fucking-tastic, I mean.”
“Unf,” she acknowledged my correction by withdrawing and driving again.
Coital conversation collapsed as carnal congress continued.
Twilight was diligently moderating the depth of her thrusts but leaning further forward, her weight was pushing me down until my face was almost pressed down against the bed, my ass in the air as she covered me.
“I’m glad you’re a pony,” I gasped between thrusts, “not a horse.”
“Why?”
“I wasn’t sure if I could take it all in this position. If you had a horse’s dick you’d be pushing my cervix up through my neck.”
“Did you know that the word cervix actuallymeans neck?”
“Did you know that the word dork is juvenile slang for the phallus?”
“Just what is the implicature of your observation?”
“That I’m getting fucked by a walking dictionary. Now rail me, you dork!”
The pounding grew more insistent as we both neared another peak.
Rather than release a cry that would surely overwhelm the sound suppression system, I was biting down on the fitted sheet, trying not to scream passion at the top of my lungs. This pleasure was spearing the very core of my being. Dimly I was aware of fabric tearing.
“Still good?” she asked again, checking once more before she let herself really go.
“Just,” I whispered through my teeth, “a bit more.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
I shampooed Twilight’s mane thoughtfully. Seeing that Isha’s eyes were closed while she did her own hair, I snuck a long kiss from Twilight as I worked the lather into her indigo, purple, and rose mane from her withers to the top of her head. In spite of my aches from the night before I began to yearn for her touch again. From the intensity of her return kisses I think she felt it too.
“I can sense that, kids!” Isha laughed “As the resident expert I’m going to advise you give yourself at least three days to recover after the stretching you got last night, Tanna. One day if your husband doesn’t mind me laying on hands to heal you.”
“Yes, elder,” I joked back, “sorry, Twi, you heard the priestess. Think you can wait a few days?”
“Of course, dear—” she started to reply
“Or you could just turn anthroform and plug me in the ass until my cunt is ready for you to use.”
Twilight choked at my crass humor and Isha laughed again.
“I thought you said ‘no ass’,” Twilight said when she recovered.
“Only while you’re a larger species than me. Once we’re the same size, your dick won’t be safe from ending up anywhere I can fit it.”
“Ha, you two are something else!” Isha chuckled, “I think I would enjoy hitching my wagon with you both, but actually I kinda need to retract my implied offer. Um…”
“It’s okay,” I said “we felt it too.” A disquieting feeling had passed over me when Isha offered herself to me to prepare her for Twilight. The goddess spoke and I knew that it was not for me to claim Isha’s virtue.
Twilight nodded. “Aye. You are forbidden to us.”
“I don’t understand – its certainly not like Aphrodite has any hangups about virginity.”
“It means,” I smiled, “that there is something even better in store for you.”
I put my fist out and Isha bumped it solidly. Twilight raised a fore-hoof and bumped with us.
“Thank you, Isha,” Twilight said, “for taking care of Tanna while I was stuck in Equestria. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to learn that she had a good friend when I couldn’t be with her.”
“My pleasure,” Isha embraced me tight, “even if we never got it on, I truly love your wife, Twilight. To be honest, she’s done a fair bit of taking care of me, too.” She kissed my cheek and released me. “Haven’t you, hon?”
“It’s been a two way street. I don’t think either of us would have made it this far without the other. Everypony rinsed off?”
Nods all around, so I turned off the water. I threw Isha a towel from the warming cabinet and grabbed another to start drying Twilight’s coat for her.
“I hope you two have some jolly yarns to spin me,” Twilight said, “I have so much catching up to do.”
“Yarns, yes,” I said.
“Jolly, maybe not all of them,” Isha completed.
“Uh, oh,” said Twilight, “am I going to regret asking?”
“Well,” I said, “there was one time we started to get close and instead she punched me out for trying to murder a guy who made a pass at me.”
I finished toweling off Twilight and grabbed a fresh towel for myself.
“In Tanna’s defense,” Isha picked up the story, “he was a total jerkass and deserved to be murdered. I just didn’t want her getting busted for it. He thought he could score on Tanna by insulting her until she so desperate for praise that she would put out for him, and it wasn’t working. All I knew is I was coming back from the pisser and saw Tanna with a ball of fire ready to blast his lungs out through his ass. I probably should have let her kill him before I hit her. Then there was the time my appendix ruptured and Tanna found me three days later unconscious on my lab floor covered in barf and diarrhea.”
I took over the narrative. “I had to literally drag her lanky ass down the sidewalk to the clinic in a cardboard box because she’d lost her insurance and I couldn’t get them to send an ambulance! When I got there they wanted to buy her from me for a cadaver ‘cos the credit check only gave 80% odds that I could pay off her treatment. AND THEN they made me wash her down in a coin-op shower before they would touch her.”
“What a pair you girls are!” Twilight was trying not to laugh, “that’s awful!”
“How did you pay that bill, Tanna? I was too out of it from being half dead, and then the meds, to even think about it at the time.”
“Hey, don’t sweat it. We take care of each other.” Oops. I really didn’t want this line of inquiry to go further. “You know Bear handles my finances.”
Isha picked up on my attempt to avoid the truth where I could not lie; she’s too damn perceptive for my own good. “I also know Bear was off somewhere secretive with your brother. Probably fucking around in Bucharest.”
If I hadn’t been worried about evading Isha’s question I would have really wanted to know how she guessed correctly; for her sake I could hope she knew nothing of the containment breach.
“Don’t evade the question.” Her voice was grim now.
“Uh, ladies what am I missing here?” Twilight asked, alarmed by the serious turn.
“Shush, pony. Tanna, as your elder I do insist upon an answer.”
I hung my head. “Thou knowest what coin I had to spend.”
“Shitfuckassdamnit!” She was almost spitting with anger. “How many?”
“Four on the street. The last one was an enforcer and arrested me after he was done. Then another three of his buddies to keep myself out of lockup. They also made me pay for a permit. After that, and the fines, I was broke, so I did one more before morning.”
“Four, then three, then one more what ?” Twilight interrupted.
“Strange men. Your wife—” Isha stomped her bare foot ineffectually on the carpet “—was selling her body to pay for my medical care.” Turning to me she continued, “Didn’t you learn anything from me? Sex is meant to be a sacrament of love and the holy worship of Our Lady and not a filthy transaction for credits on a street corner. Did—” her voice threatened to crack “—any of them hurt you?”
“No, Isha, just roughed up a little. I’m tougher than I look.”
“You should have left me die, lying in my own fucking shit. You could have been killed! Or worse!” She sat on the corner of my bed, her back to me.
I put my arms around her, held her tight as sobs wracked her body.
“I should be mad as hell, but all I can do is cry,” she could barely speak, “how could you endure that for my sake?”
I kissed the back of her neck.
“My dear sister in Aphrodite,” I said “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to know. But I did what I had to do, to keep you alive. I couldn’t live without you. You were the only one who kept me going so that I could survive until my husband came to save me. Kept me going so I could be strong for my daughter.” Gloam! “Who’s gonna be late for school if we don’t continue this discussion later!”
I sprang up and threw myself into whatever clothes I could grab and ran to get Gloam ready.
As I dressed, Isha pulled herself together enough to call after me, “I haven’t told you why I came here! They condemned my arcology, I'm moving in with you!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Luna was usually napping around this time of day. The sun was up (albeit behind rainclouds), the night was well and truly over, and she pranced giddily into the recently rebuilt royal kitchenette.
“Might we supper with thee whilst thou break fast, an there be provision enough, siſter?”
“Certainly, dear, there is plenty. Have a seat, I am just finishing.”
Luna released her sister and trotted lightly to the table, fork and knife following her as she levitated them from their drawer. As she sat, her “#1 Queen of the Night” mug teleported into position, dark contents steaming. Celestia sent plates of hot food wafting their way from the stove.
Across the table from her, Tajrahaz sat. The yak prince, normally a fairly stolid individual was looking a bit tired and wan. Surely there was no other reason for Celestia to be cooking enough mushrooms, eggs, and peppers for an entire squad of soldiers.
“’Tis the day of the eclipse!” Luna explained eagerly, grinning at the prince.
“Oh, hrrmmm, is it now, your Highness?”
Luna was positive that a mug or eight of good black coffee would perk (no pun!) the yak up more than the sweet cocoa he clutched like a life line, but she bubbled on regardless.
“We ca’n’t, thou must surely see, allow our moon to blunder through yon sun’s path all willy-a-nilly. Events of this magnitude are planned out years in advance! Imagine, an thou wilt, the sorrow known by our ponies should they miss an extra moment of our beauteous night because it was granted without sufficient notice. And asketh thou of fairness?” He hadn’t. “We’ll have thou know that our siſter nighnever yeeteth the sun suddenly into the sky to bring unexpected daylight to our night! We had hardly daſt tread upon her day, did not custom of the long ages demand so.”
“But, Luna,” Celestia said as she finally joined them at the table, levitating glasses of juice along with her, “surely you have seen the weather today. ‘Tis naught but rain.”
“La!” Luna retorted merrily. “We know full well the overcaſt doth ‘burn off’ before thine hour of darkneſs.”
“What is this ‘hour’, sister? Three minutes, and then the light returns.”
“Aye. Three glorious minutes!”
For the next few moments the three focused on their food. At last Luna paused with one last slice of mushroom on her fork.
“Thank thee for our meal. We go to ensure that all are ready!”
—
“Tarries thy student, siſter, to witness our astronomical triumph to day?”
The sisters stood atop the tallest tower of Canterlot castle as the start of the eclipse drew near.
“Nay, sweet one, she hath verily overthrown mine enchanting and sped away to her alien love. All this—” Celestia waved her horn at golden Canterlot, Equestria herself, and the lands beyond “—hangs in the balance.”
“Mayhap the fellow art as well meaning as she claims?”
“Mayhap ours will not be the world he destroys,” Celestia conceded.
“When left she?”
“This very dawn we felt our spell shatter and know not how the filly contrived such a feat. We are doubly eclipsed today.”
Far below, Canterlot sparkled in the sunshine as if the light was eternal.
The only hint that darkness would suddenly fall was the hordes of young chiropt lining the tops of every building and tower, save the princesses’ own vantage. As soon as darkness was complete they would take wing, flying as nearly straight up as they could. When the light returned, keen eyed observers would declare the highest flying colt and filly to be the king and queen of the eclipse. They would reign over nighted ceremonies, holding court with their fellow competitors until the next eclipse.
Above, a first dark bite appeared at the edge of the solar disk.
Despite the expected timing, a gasp seemed to go up from the city.
Over the next minutes, shadows gathered as the occlusion spread. As the light failed, all ponies could see the princess of the sun bow deeply to the princess of the moon.
A second gasp sounded thought the city as ponies could see stars overhead.
When the last sliver of sun vanished, the sound of leathery wings filled the air above Canterlot and the flight of the chiropt began.
Dark forms flickered across the stars, shrinking as the fliers strained into the sky. In the city, Luna could hear ponies calling her name in awe. She doubted her praise rang out so freely under Nightmare Moon’s eclipses, but today she was with her sister and would not fret on such dismal history.
For three breathless minutes ponies admired the stars in the daytime, until the edge of the sun reappeared. Light grew and the fliers returned to the ground, losers promising each other that next time they would all fly all the way to the moon. Last to land were the new king and queen of the eclipse.
As the sunlight regained its full brilliance, the princess of the moon performed obeisance to the princess of the sun.
—
“’Twas delightful, siſter, waſt not?” Luna said with a yawn.
After afternoon court the sisters met before Luna would retire until sunset. She was up long past her bedtime.
“Oh, aye, good clean fun, it were. We hope none of thy silly bat ponies have injured themselves.”
“The chiropt know their limits, they have all returned unhurt, thank thee. And we hope thy student is safe in her endeavor.”
“We will surely breath easier when she returns. But no trace of her world-crossing magic have we detected, yet.”
Luna yawned again.
“Pardon, pardon, we must abed forthwith, else we repoſe ‘pon the floor. But until next time, siſter, what a lovely eclipſe this hath been!”
“If there be a ‘next time’, culver.”
“Pardon, we pray, we do not think we heard thee correctly.”
“Saith we,” Celestia said primly, “there may not be another eclipse if the moon cannot catch the sun to hide its holy face!”
“Oh! Thou! Thou’d not daſt!”
“We might.” One corner of the elder sister’s mouth quirked sassily as she teased.
Luna didn’t wait for any more provocation and tackled her elder.
In the blink of an eye the rulers of Equestria were rolling across the carpet, each striving for enough leverage to get the other in a lock, or at least apply a good solid noogie to her peer.
“If this be the next evolution of sisterly friendship to something forbidden,” Tajrahaz asked as he entered the room, “does it mean I might get some rest tonight?”
Celestia looked up at her lover and Luna gained the advantage, vigorously applying hoof-friction to her sister’s scalp.
“Yield, thee! Yield! The night shall laſt forevarrrrrr!”
“Pax, pax, and I shall with all good will enjoy the next eclipse, and the next hundred, with you dear sister. Now, to bed, I have an insolent yak to deal with.”
Celestia’s horn lit – with a shimmer of shadow Luna was gone.
Author's Note
Happy Eclipse today, everypony!
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
As Tanna scrambled towards the kitchen Twilight found herself left alone in the bedroom with Isha.
“Isha? Are you alright?”
“I don’t know. I can’t believe she fucked a bunch of fucking losers for my sake. What about you? Finding out that your wife was whoring herself while you were gone? If I’ve just ruined everything for you two by forcing her to tell me, I’ll never forgive myself.”
Silently Isha cursed herself for having a Plan B. She didn’t want that to happen, she tried to convince herself, but she knew better.
“I knew,” said Twilight grimly.
“You knew?”
“She told me last night. Not the specifics or why.”
“And you still—”
“Made love to her all night long? I wish she hadn’t gone through all that, but I am not going to reject the pony I love over it.”
“Do you resent me as the cause? I sure do.”
“No. If you are precious to my beloved, you are precious to me. I mean it, that's not just an empty platitude. But I think I may resent your world, or at least its government.”
“Don’t we all, brother!”
“Would they really have just let you die? If she hadn’t gone to such lengths to pay for your treatment?”
“Technically if Tanna hadn’t put a deposit down on me, they would have kept me drugged and unconscious while they nursed me back to health and then disassembled my body for spare parts.”
Twilight shuddered.
“I’m generally healthy, it would have been highly profitable. Of course, if the filth took all her earnings, I shudder to imagine what she did for that last guy to earn enough to keep me alive. What about you? Why’d it take you years to get here?”
“My liege Celestia had cast a barrier spell because she halfway believes some ancient prophesy says Tanna will somehow weigh the fate of our world. Never mind that I am the throne’s right bucking hoof. I eat Ancient Prophesy for breakfast and then I crap Forgotten Rumors some time after supper. Time was flowing differently between our worlds, it was only about eight weeks in Equestria until I circumvented the spell. If I had known about the timeslip, or known that I had a daughter, I would have worked a million times harder to get here.”
“Only eight weeks? Obviously you know how long she’s been waiting for you.”
“I’ve never heard of such a strange time phenomena before. So how mercifully did Tanna treat ‘the two thugs’?”
“She killed them quickly.”
“Oh. I see… I always assumed that I would be the strong one, it will take some time to get use to her being fierce and strong.”
“Maybe these years have strengthened her. Or maybe, you were overlooking the truth.”
“I think both are true. And for my blindness I am ashamed.”
“It will be alright. She’s pretty crazy for you.”
Twilight smiled. “It’s mutual.”
“Of course, you should ask her to tell you about the time we almost hooked up offplanet. You nearly had some real competition!”
“Why don’t you tell me about it? Hopefully its a happier tale than the last two.”
Careful to avoid the various damp spots and a suspiciously chewed looking hole in the sheet, Isha threw herself back onto Tanna’s bed.
“Have a seat, pony.”
Twilight continued to stand as Isha began her tale.
“If Aphrodite is wrong, and if I never know love, the night I nearly spent with Tanna will be enough. You probably won’t understand this, but in spite of being a so called expert on love I never had any particular urge to be with anyone until I met your wife. And as you may have noticed, I get off on my own just fine. Yet something stirred when I first set eyes on Tanna. It just took a little bit too long for that something to come to fruition.”
“A few days ago Tanna took me on a magical trip to another world that she had discovered. We portalled in just before dawn and spent a day in the wonder of a fresh sun, pure air, and a thousand colours of green that don’t exist in this city.”
“That night, your lovely wife and I danced the most romantic dance ever. It was just the two of us on the empty world while Gloamie snored beside the campfire. Evening fell and a twin planet rose overhead like an enormous crescent moon. Alien music played as we clung to each other in the silver light, skin to skin, breast to breast, and mound to mound. And just when I knew that I would die if I didn’t claim Tanna as my own, an orbit to surface shuttle landed and she had to go rescue a spaceship of colonists.”
“A space ship?”
“Yeah, it was damaged, and was going to crash. There was something important she did, I can’t quite remember.”
“The action never resumed after the rescuing?”
“It never did. I was so relieved that I hadn’t lost her when I carried her out of the colony ship that protective instinct took over from romantic love. By the time my mother urge calmed down we had lost our momentum and were slowly working our way back, but you got here first. Are you going to take her away to your world?”
“If she’ll come with me.”
“Fuck, I’m gonna miss her, and not only sexually. It’s not really an ‘if’, right?”
“I’d certainly like to hope so. But, um, did Tanna ever tell you how awful I was when we first met?”
“No, she’s only spoken of you in glowing terms. And with great longing. And sometimes with one hand suspiciously under the table as if she could distract the priestess of Aphrodite by fiddling with her coffee with the other hand.”
“I was awful. Our first three, um, encounters ended with me kicking her.”
“Do you even have humans on your world? Do you know your kick can kill one of us? Even if you aren’t as big as a horse.”
“It doesn’t excuse my behavior, but we met in dreamspace several times before I first came to Terra, so at least she wasn’t in danger of real physical harm. After that we agreed -or rather I imposed- that I would use her for my own sexual pleasure but she was not to climax. I was awful. To me the worst part is that she forgives me. But how can I ever forgive myself?”
“By Hel and Hades, that’s heavy.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry to lay it on you like that. I don’t expect you to absolve me of my sins or anything, but since you are a spiritual advisor and I just had to talk to somepony…”
“You’re not like that anymore? You were careful and considerate in your lovemaking last night. I would have gone psycho apeshit if you had hurt her.”
“I could never treat her like that again. What exactly is psycho apeshit?”
“Psycho apeshit is, precisely speaking, bad. Then what the fuck made you act that way in the first place?”
“Something happened that I don’t want to talk about – I don’t know why it happened, but it’s on me that I reacted poorly. Afterwards, I was horny and naive and stupid and immature and I just wanted sex with no emotional commitment or effort. I was wrong. I just wanted to get laid and ended up with true love. I got ever so much more than I asked for. And far more than I deserved…”
“Then speaking as the priestess of the goddess of love and sex I say you must forgive yourself for Tanna’s sake. If you are constantly cringing under a load of guilt for your asshole behavior early on, you won’t be able to give her the best of yourself. You don’t need to feel guilty any more, but you must not forget, must never slip into that behavior again. And remember, she’s got big sister now to keep an eye on you, mister.” Isha point her finger at Twilight’s nose but refrained from booping her.
Twilight chuckled. “If I ever treat her badly again I hope I die.”
“I was just thinking a vigorous bitch-slap to knock some sense into you. She loves you too much for you to find such an easy escape - not even death will keep you from her!”
“A good slapping then. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“And I promise you’ll never need to. What was the rite you were talking to Tanna about? Grounding ritual?”
“People in the modern world can go their entire lives without touching the living surface of Terra with their skin. A grounding ritual usually involves walking barefoot on the grass; Tanna prostrated herself naked on the grass to pray. Depending on your perspective, she either used our very planet as a masturbation object…”
Isha paused, the flush of memory just visible on her dark cheeks.
“Or…?” Twilight asked after a moment.
“Or she made love to a goddess.”
“A goddess?”
“Yes. Gaia, mother of all, she is the very soul the planet.”
“Wow… that's just wow.” Twilight shook her mane. “Isha, I don’t know you well, but I’m sorry your love goddess said no to forming a triple. I swear I would have learned to love you as much as I love Tanna. And I promise you, Tanna and I will do anything within our power to help you find your ‘even better’. We should go see if we can help with breakfast, and I’d like to see my daughter before she goes to school.” Twilight chuckled “I’m still reeling from learning that I have a daughter. I expected to have months to get used to the idea of offspring. I didn’t even get minutes. One more question. Isha, why did you come here last night?”
“You heard me tell Tanna, the Civic condemned the Golden Way arcology, the big building I live in, as unsafe. I am un evictee errant .”
“But you didn’t just come here looking for a place to crash, did you?”
“You only beat me by a couple hours last night, pony. I was going to ask Tanna to marry me.” Isha cleared her throat and met Twilight’s gaze defiantly. “Her answer was going to be ‘yes’.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Isha hurried all the way home to check on her domicile. Even if somebody managed to steal ten tonnes of particle accelerator, material goods were the least of her worries. She just wanted to get this over with and get back to Tanna’s place. Yet again fate had tripped her up when she thought her dreams were about to come true. But she was confident that before dawn Tanna, oh sweet Tanna, would definitely be getting laid.
Spending three days running around a pristine world, stealing glimpses at what would soon be hers, had been delightful. True, they had worked their asses off helping the Longshot colonists, but their share of the work was done and now there would be time to—
Finding that the elevators did not respond pulled Isha from her sensuous reverie.
“Lockdown,” said one of the fellows at the control desk. “I can take you up.”
He stood.
“Log Doctor Myrtle in.”
Another desk creature noted the time.
The Golden Way security guy escorted her to the domicile and explained the situation during the elevator ride.
The power and data feeds had been severed and while the monitoring systems were blind, unknown perpetrators had penetrated the building. Isha’s dom’, and the few other occupied units, had been broken into and vandalized; other acts of sabotage would render the building unsuitable for occupation and there were not enough residents to warrant repair. After an emergency inspection, the entire arcology was condemned.
“How soon do I gotta be out?”
“You are out already, doctor. You can pick up some personal belongings, or box them up for shipping if you want, but you can’t stay.”
“It’s my own damn place!”
“Uh, not any more.”
“The owners can’t break my contract; there’s nothing about that in the terms.”
“The building occupancy license has a buyout clause that overrides individual contracts, and it’s been activated. Your account has already been credited for the reacquisition fee. Just grab any valuables and replace everything else, the payoff was generous. And insurance covered your equipment.”
The elevator stopped, unexpectedly, on her floor – its doors no longer blocked by a mountain of old furniture and rubble.From here Isha could see the doorway to her domicile – the door lay flat on the floor with hinge and locks slagged. Char marks here and there revealed where her security nodes had been.
Inside, the violation of her home was thorough in its disruption, but nothing was missing. Every shelf was swept bare, if not ripped right off the wall, every drawer was pulled out and dumped.
Even her Jeeves unit had been torn from its discreet closet mounting and burned almost in half.
Inspecting the Arthrac she saw a few panels were dented and an off the shelf control sequencer was bashed open; the core still hummed, placidly holding its hellish energies inside. Someone had done a clownishly theatrical job of trashing what had once been her most prized possession. After her breakthrough, she had spent more time in the lab than working on her own gear, but she hated to see the equipment mistreated. On the other hand, while fixable, it was far too heavy to carry – and probably not worth what it would cost to have it craned down and hauled to the lab where she could repair it. Let it go, she thought as the keyed in a sequence to safely drain the charge cells.
There really wasn’t anything worth keeping, no more than there had been anything worth stealing. She stuffed a bag with a few items and a couple changes of clothes picked out of the wreckage.
“Listen. I’m going to go stay with a friend. Can I just shower before I go,so I don’t show up on her doorstep smelling like three days of hard work?”
“Can’t you shower at her place?”
“I could, but I want to be presentable when I get there.”
He wasn’t looking convinced.
“I’m going to ask her to marry me!”
“Oh, shoot!” He could sympathize with Isha’s desire to freshen up before approaching the woman she loved. “The pumps are offline, but there’s probably enough water in the pipes if you keep it quick. But I’m not allowed to leave you alone here.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. I have to keep any former residents under observation while they collect belongings. And with the building shutting down, I can’t risk getting a poor referral for not following orders. I need to be able to get a job.”
“You gotta be kidding me.”
“There’s an hourly hotel just across the street. You could get a room and clean up there before you go propose.”
He was right, of course. The expense was nothing: it wasn’t like she needed to buy a new domicile with her sudden influx of funds. But it would cause further delay.
“Enjoy the fucking show.”
Isha stalked into the bathroom, leaving the door open. Angrily, she undressed, used the toilet, and stepped into the shower. As much as possible she kept her back pointedly to the door, never even glancing in that direction. Unlike presiding naked over a congregation of the goddess’s devotees who looked to her for guidance, unlike working naked on a new world side by side with the colonists whom Tanna had saved, scrubbing herself under the watchful supervision of a near stranger was galling. But she couldn’t let anger or audience prevent her from fully cleansing the body she would offer to Tanna. Head to toes she washed, and if she flaunted herself a little, well the security guy deserved whatever frustration the sight engendered.
To stop obsessing about being watched, she tried to imagine that it was Tanna who was cleaning her body. Every square centimetre, gentle inquisitive fingers would… or maybe not. Maybe she would boldly — oh Tanna! Maybe her imagination was getting a little carried away, but she didn’t want to miss any lingering smudge of sweat or grime from the three days on Gallop.
Purified at last, she turned off the water and grabbed for a towel.
Soon she would offer herself and their love would become a by-word, a blessing, and an inspiration.
She dressed in the best she had salvaged from the wreckage of her closet. Undergarments were chosen for sheerness and ease of removal.Her outfit comprised the crispest greys, coordinating stylishly. She had been fortunate to find her new designer top in a corner, undamaged. It had replaced an old favorite, though she was sure Tanna hadn’t noticed the change. But even if her attire had elicited no response, Isha was positive her body had caught Tanna’s eye, though Isha has discretely failed to acknowledge noticing the surreptitious glances sent her way.
Isha finally looked to the door. She saw that her audience had found a semi-intact chair among the wreckage of her furniture and sat with his back to her.
“Have you been sitting like that the whole time?”
“Yep. I didn’t look.”
“Thank you for being respectful, I’m sorry for getting bitchy about it. It’s not like I’m modest, but when you suddenly don’t have a choice—”
“It’s okay, my fiancé, she wouldn't want a stranger ogling me, and I’m sure your girl will feel the same about you.”
“You’re not going to get in trouble for—?”
“Nah. Auditory surveillance, right? Kept you from causing any problems.”
“Sure. I guess you missed a good show. Tanna seems to think I’m fairly attractive.”
Isha slung her bag and they left.
“I’m sure. I bet you must seem like a goddess to her.”
Isha just smiled at the memory of their various near approaches. Nothing on Terra would get in the way now.
“Have you talked to her yet, about getting married?” He asked as the elevator descended.
“No t yet. You would not believe the crazy shit that happens every time I almost get close enough.”
“Try me.”
“Dancing. Moonlight. I was about to kiss her. An orbital shuttle in distress nearly landed on us.”
“‘Kin’ a’!”
“So t his is my chance. Tonight.”
“But she’ll say yes, this time, right? I’m sure she will!”
Isha answered with a grin.
“Good luck, miss, and Frig with you.”
His fingers unconsciously sought the Norseling charm hanging around his neck, rubbing the carven fragment of bone through the fabric of his uniform shirt as he blessed her.
“Thank you, and may the Allmother bless you, her dutiful son.”
With Aphrodite at her side Isha was about as confident as a woman could be. But if Mother Frigga was with her too, that wouldn't hurt a thing.
The elevator doors opened at ground level; it was time.
A ten minute transit ride, one question, and her world would change forever.
The missing husband had had his chance by now and after this many years he had no right to consider his claim on Tanna inviolable. Tonight that connection would be cut. Isha knew she would find Tanna ready for what would come next.
There was a fire down below, oh yes there was. But this love, Tanna, would save her life.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
1-This Could Be The Beginning
Author's Note
Ponic Sturm und Drang : Romance, risks, retribution, redemption, raw sex, plus alliteration.has a purpose. I let the alliteration carry me away. Sorry about that.
©orporate ©haracters are used without kind permission: If you think you own a person, or an idea, seek help.
My goal is to post a chapter every ~~other~~ week, on Tuesdays. Targeting one thousand words per chapter in keeping with my short attention did i ever tell you about the time i rode a camel in Morocco? Constructive comments welcome; unconstructive ones may still be better than silence.
1-This Could Be The Beginning
I squinted in the blinding light.
There was an impression of wings against brightness.
Consciousness had fallen away like a shadow departing, the end of something that never really began, leaving me in a featureless non-place. Not indoors, not outside, there were no walls but no distance. I wasn’t standing on any particular surface, but neither falling nor floating.
A vague silhouette approached me from the brightness – even squinting I could not make out who or even what. The tempo of the footsteps was confusing, alien. The indistinct shadow drew nearer and I could clearly see wings. Then she was stepping through the light and was no longer obscured from my vision.
A light purple form, soothing lavender, had emerged from the glare. Four hooves, wings folding to her back as she touched down, and traces of magic twinkling around her horn: impossibly, I was facing the Alicorn Princess, Twilight Sparkle.
Had the star of a children’s story from half a millennium before my birth come to carry me to the afterlife?
Her ‘television program’ had never given a precise notion of just how tall she was. If you counted the tip of her horn, she was technically taller than me, her head approximately shoulder-high. Her back was a little above waist high on me.
And she was even more beautiful than they had depicted her – more beautiful than I could have imagined.
I knelt and asked, “Are you my angel or psychopomp come to guide me hither into the beyond?”
“What? No, this is only a dream.” She turned a circle, looking around. There was nothing for her to see in this non-setting, but her turn had the effect of giving me a look at her from all angles. “It’s a dream, you aren’t dying.”
“But, I—”
“Shhhh,” she said, “I’m just here for one thing: random, anonymous, dream sex. You’ll wake up in the morning with a goofy smile on your face and I hope you won’t remember anything.”
“What?”
Damn, she was sexy. But how could I be feeling such urges towards a mare whose adventures I had memorized until it seemed like I knew her personally?
“It’s only a dream.” She paced as she explained to me. “No risk of pregnancy or disease, no complicated relationship drama, no paparazzi up our plots trying to break a story. Clean and friendly. This is gonna be so simple !”
Then she smiled, oh that winning smile of hers. No human’s smile had ever lit up my heart so. Warm, genuine – she really thought it would be as she described — it might have even worked, but for one detail she could not know.
“Honestly, I was expecting something quadrupedal , but you’ll do. Buck me now, human. I’m wet back there.”
And behind her smile, just a tint of madness.
“Princess Twilight, what’s going on?”
“Listen, I am a princess of– wait! How do you know my name? No matter, I don’t need to worry about that.” She shook her head. “I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now, and I really can’t spare the time, or risk scandal, to deal with any relationship in the real world. But I need, need, need some action, ‘Miss Lonely Saturday Night’,” she gestured with a fore hoof, making an unmistakable circular rubbing motion, “isn’t getting me there… That’s where you come in. In me, if you would, please.”
“Princess, there is something I must tell you.”
“No, peasant. I need it now. Whatever you want to say must wait,” she was firm. To be honest, I was getting firm too.
“Can we at least kiss first to get warmed up?”
She peered at me skeptically.
“So I can do a better job for you?”
Twilight rolled her eyes at my suggestion but she raised her head and offered me her cheek.
I put my arms around her and ran my fingers through her mane as I kissed her. If this was to be the last dream I ever dreamt, I could not complain. Squeezing her around her shoulders I noticed how tense she felt. Celestia! Despite her bold demands she seemed nervous. I nuzzled up against her, kissed her cheek and held her until some of the tension began to leave her. Gradually I kissed my way to her mouth and claimed her lips. At first she did not react to my intruding tongue but she cautiously returned my caresses. Soon we were exploring each other's mouths with abandon.
“Mmmmm most high Twilight, my Princess,” I breathed the words into her mouth, our lips still just touching, “are you still in a big hurry?”
“I want it even more now. But don’t rush, this is nice.”
Always a loner, this much physical contact with another was a novelty to me. And such a novelty! It was worth it to have waited all my life for tonight, immersed in the improbable delight of this final moment.
I dropped to my knees so that I could continue kissing Twilight and reach more of her body to touch and stroke her coat. My hands wandered down her neck and to her shoulders. She relaxed now and she swayed with me as I massaged the area between her shoulders and wing shoulders.
I guided her to move to her left a little – this put me to her right and better able to reach her privates with my more agile hand. I knew approximately what I was looking for, but this was kinda a first for me.
Scratch that, it was totally a first.
I didn’t know anything about the human female body that I could not learn from a datalink console and even less about an equine female: only what I could extrapolate from the fact that we are both are mammals. Extending that logic, my chances of finding my way around a mare from another reality were even further removed from my scant knowledge. Be that as it may, I found heat and humidity and as Twilight shifted her hindquarters towards my questing fingertips they lightly brushed the hard, sensitive, bump of her clitoris.
“That’s it,” she breathed, “gently, keep rubbing right there.”
Once I was on target I could focus again on kissing her – I had let the quest for her clit distract me slightly from the kisses. She was returning them with vigor and starting to lean against me harder. And then she tossed her head back, neighing loudly.
“Oh, Celestia!” she moaned, “unnnggh don’t unnnggh stop unnnggh.”
For at least a minute her moaning continued. My own desire was forgotten as I was caught up in her pleasure, transported beyond selfhood to bask in the glory of her ecstasy. Darkness called; in that moment I could have sunk into a deepness beyond the reach of dreams or waking, and still I would have counted myself owner of infinite contentment. All I had to do was let go; soon even that level of volition would become unnecessary before the imperative beckoning of the void.
Before I could fade permanently away, Twilight found her voice.
“Keep rubbing, but get that cock in me now.”
I scrambled to obey, switching hands to keep a constant massage on her clitoris and sliding around to approach her from behind. I feasted on the sight, from her pretty hooves, her strong shapely legs, up to the firm roundness of her light purple buttocks and the lush sweep of her long, luxurious tail. Still rubbing, I put my other hand at the base of her spine, sliding across her dock to brush the silky fullness aside. Revealed, a darker crevice held the imperial violet of her tight asterisk. Below that, holy of holies, the bright pinkness of her marehood winking from between thick, dark, labia. The pull was magnetic and my cock responded almost without my volition. It bobbed stiffly at the height of her vagina; I tightened my pelvic muscles to draw the tip through the glistening river of her arousal. Anointed with her lubrication my dick head slid effortlessly between her lips, pausing on the brink of entry.
The sight and touch of her had re-awoken my own desire, but there was one thing I really needed to tell her first.
“Princess—” I started to say.
“Now,” she commanded. Obediently I plunged my despair into her hunger and theentire universe changed forever.
—
Instinct guided where knowledge and experience were lacking; despite my ignorance I found a wellspring of pleasure that occasional forays into halfhearted solo play had never suggested.
With a rush of chagrin I realized that I was already already on the verge of orgasm after only a pair of strokes in and out. Before my shame could fully blossom into fear that I would disappoint her, Twilight was loudly neighing a second climax and my worries evaporated. Instead I threw myself fully into our coupling and allowed the animal drive growing within me to command my thrusting hips.
My mind was evaporating and my lips babbled, “oh, oh-oh Princess! Oh, your worship!”
I found that I had pulled my hand from her groin, I was reaching under her wings to grasp her body and pull my self hard against her, slamming myself deep into her warmth.
I buried my face in her mane and nipped her shoulder with my teeth; she moaned approval as I tasted warm and salt.
“Yes, human fill me now, do it!” Her throbbing pussy pressed tighter around me.
I was beyond crafting any verbal reply but Twilight seemed to understand my feral moans. Sight clouded with hallucinatory flashes of light as climax obliterated the last vestiges of thought.
As my peak faded I kept myself pressed tight against her, not wanting to pull out. Languor beckoned and I leaned forward on her back, kissing her between her wings, twining my fingers through her mane. My cock softened until it popped wetly out; Twilight gave a shake and I stood to avoid falling on the ground.
“Mmmmhmmmm, yeah, I could get used to that, even the silly warm up. How was it for you? Did you like the kinky intra-species angle?”
“Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow,” I panted.
Twilight chuckled magnanimously, “I’m reasonably satisfied with the result myself. I thought I was going to go crazy waiting for that.” She was grinning; I had just made love to the fictional character I had been fixated on for so long, and she was grinning about it!
“This was so sudden, Princess.”
“I know, and that’s what the spell is for, just some random release; you needed it as badly as I did. Obviously it means nothing, and when the magic ends, we go our separate ways. Now, what were you trying to tell me a while ago? I told you it could wait, right?”
“I love you, your Highness,” I confessed happily.
Her smile vanished.
“This is what you wished to tell me, before?” She spoke coldly; clearly my words were not welcome.
“Yes, Princess,” I babbled, afterglow blinding me to her sudden change in demeanor. “For years I have, from before I knew you really existed. Ever since I was a child. A human-foal if you prefer.”
“I should have listened to you, and just left. Stupid bucking human!” Princess Twilight Sparkle was no longer restraining her fury. “If I wanted love I’d go back to clopping in front of a mirror! This is not what I wanted!”
Stunned by her uncharacteristic hostility I couldn’t react as she turned away from me and kicked. Her rear hooves connected squarely with my abdomen. I woke alone in my room, retching from the impact the kick. Falling out of my bed, I vomited on the floor. Barely conscious, I wiped blood and vomit from my face with the back of my hand. Constellations of semi-dissolved pills shone like stars in my blurred vision as I passed out a second time.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
2-This Could Have Been The End
As soon as they let me out of the hospital I stopped taking the engram blockers that kept me from dreaming. After four weeks and no change I found the dosing implant they had slipped under the skin of my upper arm, barely noticeable under a net of scars. Another few weeks after gouging the implant out, finally I could dream again. It wasn’t long after that sleep found me sharing a dream with Twilight once more.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you again!” she said, “It’s supposed to be random every time.” I wondered how many times she had cast the spell since our previous meeting. “I, uh, apologize for kicking you. Are you willing to try this again?”
“Yes, your Highness.”
Might she act more like herself, this time? What went wrong before – was it just my words or something else?
“Can I rely on you not to spout nonsense? I won’t be held responsible if you do. I’m not here for love.”
“I won’t lie Princess, but I will try to be discreet with the truth unless directly questioned.”
“Let’s see how this works out, then. Foreplay?”
I bent the knee to her. “Yes, please, so please your Highness.”
Twilight actually blushed slightly and smiled. I stepped closer and put my arms around her neck. She was warm to hold and the hair of her coat felt nice against my bare skin. For a moment she welcomed my embrace; then she remembered her forced hauteur and stiffened. Taking that as my cue for more action and less attraction, I kissed her to pick up the pace. She was fierce as she sought to put her unintended moment of gentleness out of mind, pressing her muzzle hard against my mouth, her tongue probing deeply. I let her dominate the kiss as my hands roved down her long neck, stroking her mane until I reached her shoulders to rub them. The tense muscles conveyed her mixed feelings – she wanted this, but she didn’t want to want it.
I ran my tongue along her lips to the side of her mouth and from there I kissed my way to her ear.
“Relax, Princess,” I whispered between kisses, “if you’re going to do this, relax and enjoy it. I’m here to serve you.” I nibbled her ear and reached for her groin. As I nibbled here, and rubbed there, I reached my other hand around to gently stroke her horn. A sensual frisson passed through her body and she gave a long drawn hoarse erotic sigh. A different kind of tension was building in her now, a tension that I welcomed, but it was her release I truly longed for.
When her climax seemed immanent I whispered again, “I’m here to please you,” and nipped her ear. Then she was over the edge and I lost myself in her orgasm. Pressed tight against her I could feel every shudder as pleasure surged through her body. Bathed in the throws of her ecstasy I opened my soul to her and felt boundaries blurring until I could scarce tell if I was touching her or being touched.
Twilight was saying something, “…I said slow down, ungh, don’t stop, ungh, just ease up.”
I slowed my massage of her clit until her breathing became regular again.
We leaned against each other in silence as I rubbed her. I found her pulse and set my pace by it, matched my breathing to hers. Twilight was holding herself back but I was at a loss to know what I could do ease her worries. I rested my head against her and kept her at an even plateau of pleasure waiting until she would be ready to work her way up to another orgasm.
For the longest time I stayed pressed against her, moving my fingers in time with signals she barely knew she was sending. When her body told me she was ready, I gradually began to increase speed and pressure. Without rushing her I moved until I was behind her, still massaging her sex, slowly, slowly bringing her towards urgency.
As her respiration deepened I pulled her tail aside and moved the tip of my erection to brushed her outer labia. “May I?”
“Mmmm, please do…”
Again I found that our heights aligned perfectly, my cock positioned ready to penetrate with no guidance needed.
She was already on the edge again, and soaking wet, but I entered by small degrees, to prolong her exquisite nearness to release. For my own sake too – lest I lose myself in her warmth. Idly I wondered how many stallions might have enjoyed this vista, this sensation. My devotion was already too pure, too complete, to admit any hint of jealousy about a past I could not change. If only I could be hers for the future I would know contentment.
“Oh, Princess, this is so impossible.”
“It is impossible. It’s only a dream, only a dream…” her voice trailed away into a moan and the moment was right for her.
An image: man and mare, we, swaying together as she climaxed loudly.
“Unnngh not bad, human,” Twilight panted after her second orgasm wound down. I continued to thrust steadily, enjoying her afterglow and in no hurry for my own orgasm. I’d be happy edging all night long.
“Not bad at all,” she repeated. “With some more training I could keep you as a pet. Now for the ultimate test. Tell me how you feel about your Princess?”
Sudden alarm interfered with my build up.
“Please don’t ask me that if you don’t want to hear it.”
I tried to focus on the wet heat of her pussy, the supple resilience of her buttocks as I gripped them, the sweetness of her scent, but the moment was escaping me.
Twilight turned her head to look at me over her shoulder. Her expression was warm with pleasure but I saw I flicker of despair and dark caprice lurking behind her satiation.
“Tell me,” she said.
“I love you, Princess.”
“Buck dammit!” she shouted, “pull out now or you’re raping me!”
I obeyed.
Stung by her threat I said, “This was consensual…”
“And I just withdrew my consent. I’d gag you, if you weren’t pretty good with that tongue of yours. If you want permission to come, tell me you don’t love me.”
“I can’t say that.” Now I was stubborn. “Because I do. This is real.”
“Idiot. It can’t be real. We’ve only met once, what we are feeling is called lust. And that’s all I want, so just get over yourself!”
“Please, Princess—”
The vehemence of her reactions continued to baffle me. Perhaps I had confessed too quickly, but the Princess of Friendship should be able to discuss our situation calmly.
“Shhhhh.”
Her expression softened and she drew nearer, lowered her head, until her sweet breath was warm on my cock. She raised her hoof and slowly traced it up and down the length of my straining erection. I may have moaned slightly.
“It’s a shame, really,” she said, smiling now, “I totally wanted you to come in me. Nice and warm and friendly, your teeny human wee-wee throbbing, human semen running down my royal thighs. No ‘love’ or foalishness.”
All I could do was stare, hoping she would take me in her mouth, or at least keep rubbing me with her hoof.
Still smiling she lowered her hoof she had been rubbing me with, licked her lips seductively. Gently she kissed the tip of my cock.
“Apology retracted,” she said sweetly, “maybe I’ll find another toy.”
Very carefully and deliberately she punched me in the balls with her fore hoof; I woke pissing the bed in pain.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
I woke up in my bed, frantic for the sweetness of oxygen. Now that I had lungs and mouth again, would I know how to use them? I had spent subjective hours as a creature possessed of neither. I tightened my diaphragm muscles and felt air enter my lungs. So far so good. I released the muscle tension to exhale, but nothing happened. Panic returned until I realized my mouth had closed. Mouth open, I expelled the breath and panted hungrily. With my hands on my chest I could feel the rise, and fall, as I inhaled and exhaled. Everything was working.
Gradually my respiration reached rest speed.
I lay there until I had counted a hundred breaths, savoring each one.
Twilight had given me a gift to treasure.
Never would I take the faculty of breath for granted.
Never could I forget how precious a single breath is.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
In the morning Twilight was still with me.
“It’s real?” I asked “Not a dream?”
“Real” she snuggled in closer. “Now question is… breakfast before sex or sex before breakfast?” She held a firm handful. “This seems to be saying that breakfast comes second.”
“Aaaactually, that means I need to pee. I dunno how it works for stallions in the morning.” I ran off to use the toilet.
When I returned Twilight’s mood had changed. She sat pensively on the edge of the bed, the sheet over her shoulders. “Are you okay, Princess?”
“Yeah, I’m just not used to this.”
“‘This’?”
“Oh, defying Celestia, I mean… Normally I’m so obedient I’m pretty boring. I think I just ran out of my supply of confidence.”
“You don’t bore me. Blame it on your wicked seducer from another world. Speaking of whom… I think you look ready for breakfast, not, um, that other thing.”
“Thanks. Thank you for giving me some time.”
“I can wait as long as you need. I would give you seven years if you needed it, or more.”
“We call that ‘two fours less one’ when we’re talking dramatically or poetically. It’s an archaic term from when ponies counted on their hooves – thousands of years before Princes Celestia, even. And I will never keep you waiting that long. I still want it too, you know. I just need to get my head screwed on right. What’s for breakfast?”
“That kinda brings me to an embarrassing detail. I don’t actually have food to offer you,” hastily I added, ”I have coffee and government issue food substitute. I was thinking you could wear some of my clothes and we could go out for some real food.”
“Are you impoverished that you live on a dole of ‘food substitute’?”
“Nope, just pragmatic, to a fault. Easy to keep a kitchen clean if you barely use it.” I didn’t mention spending a hundred plus hours a week at the library. It was a good thing I had accumulated years of unused vacation time, cos I didn’t really expect to show up at work for a while.
“I’ll give the substitute a try. It hasn’t killed you yet.”
“I might just be too dumb to die. Here.” I tossed her a long t-shirt. “I’ll start coffee.”
She emerged into the kitchen a moment later wearing my shirt.
“Did you dislike looking at me naked?”
“I love seeing at you naked. Or not naked. But you clearly are uncomfortable all of a sudden. Since you didn’t bring any human clothes with you, giving you something to wear is me trying to respect your personal space. I’m not sure what’s wrong but I want you to feel good about whatever happens next. And hopefully feel good about what has happened.”
“I do feel good about what happened—” a smile full of secrets flitted across her face “—but I panicked. About being here. With you. And about real sex. I tried to go home to Equestria. I didn’t have the power. I should be recharged from last night, hours ago. I am completely drained and at your mercy. I feel more helpless than I can tell you.”
“Do you have coffee in Equestria? I know tea is popular there.”
“We have it but not as many ponies like it. I developed a taste for coffee as a filly spending so much time in Canterlot Castle studying with the Princess. When she’s stressed out she drinks tea and coffee both by the litre.”
“It’ll be ready soon. Princess, do you remember what I asked you in Slimedark Cathedral? I will try to earn the trust that I asked for. You are not ‘at my mercy’, rather you are ‘under my protection’. I am just one random peasant. I cannot equal you in rank, but I shall surpass all others in love of thee.” I wanted to cringe at the corniness of my own words but I also felt tears stinging my eyes at the intensity of the emotion.
“Are you a poet, Mister Akos?”
Twilight surprised me by remembering my last name – she must have been paying attention when I introduced myself last year.
“No, but I read a lot.”
“Mmmm, reading is sexy… your words move me deeply.”
“Well maybe after breakfast we can go for a walk in my tired old city, and spend time together learning more points of mutual attraction.” I passed her a mug of coffee and a food substitute bar. “Cheers.”
“Oh, Celestia!” she said after taking a bite of the compressed brick of nutrition, “so this is what the color grey tastes like.”
“You sum it up perfectly.”
“What’s it made of?”
I read the semi-edible label aloud, “‘peanut and almond protein, egg white, gluten, soya, lactose, synthhoney, sesame, vitamins and minerals.’ Guaranteed ‘edible’ (the quotes are right here on the label, that’s not me editorializing) for at least two hundred years from the date of manufacture, and allergen free. I sometimes eat food, but there are people who live their whole lives on these things.”
“How boring.”
“I hope you don’t have any illusion that my world will be much less grey.”
Twilight shuddered. “Would you, um in theory, like me to stay with you in your world?”
“By the flowing mane of Celestia—” dammit, I thought, I’m sounding cornier than ever “—no, you would die here or at best be miserable. I want you to take me to my home in Equestria so I can really live.”
“How can you call Equestria home? You’ve never even set hoof there.”
I flinched at her assumption – one that I could not correct.
“Because I know I don’t fit here. Imagine if you will knowing exactly what you want, and knowing it does not exist. And then when you gave up and…” I decided not to follow that thread of history to its perfectly logical conclusion “…well, in a dark time, you found that what you really wanted was real. Who you really wanted was real.”
“If the ‘who’ is me, she was a total bitch when you met her.”
“We can put that behind us. It was worth it to be with you now.”
“The coffee’s good.”
“Thank you. One of the small comforts of life on this world – we have good coffee. Do you want to see if we can find a magic user who can help you power up? There must be a few practitioners alive.” I suspected a certain senior library employee, if I could request his aid without putting him at risk. The other magic-using library employee was forbidden to show Twilight his power.
“No. My energies will eventually recharge as long as your word is not completely dead.”
“She’s not.” I smiled “But it is an official government policy that magic is not real.”
“I can wait then. And I’m not going to run away. I am not going to leave you. Ever.”
Her smile had lost any trace of hesitancy and the glow of it lit up my heart.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
20-Cleaning Up and Getting Dirty
Twilight grabbed the bar of soap, held it between forefinger and thumb. She looked me right in the eye –sassy– and dropped the soap.
“Oops,” she said.
I had spent another day showing Twilight around town. Now we were cleaning up and it seemed that she wanted to play games.
I drew upon my fine command of Mark Twain quotes and said nothing.
“I dropped the soap,” she said.
Eye to eye with her, I held my silence.
“Kneel peasant, and fetch your Princess her soap,” she added imperiously. I could see a hint of smirk instead of the cruelty she had pretended to before her love confession.
“If you want me on my knees in front of your pussy you don’t need to trick me.”
“Kneel!”
So I did.
On my knees with the soap in my hand I prepared to offer it to her with pompous formality. Before I could make the gesture, she grabbed my hair and pulled my face towards her crotch.
“You really could just ask— ” I started. Then she swung one leg over my shoulder and planted her foot on the shower wall behind me.
What a view!
Was I saying something?
“Woo-hoo look at me I’m Twilight Sprinkle!” she crowed.
“…!” I tried speak just in time to get a face full of pee.
I choked, sputtered, gargled, swallowed.
Twilight was laughing so hard she was peeing in bursts. I thought she would fall over, precariously balanced on one foot. I was laughing now, but it was time to take action. I opened my mouth wide and let her direct the hot stream in. I marveled at the warmth of her, ‘we are furnaces inside’ I thought and gazed into her eyes as she filled my cheeks with heat and pale gold. When I could hold no more I pursed my lips and spouted her own pee back in her face. Now she was really howling with laughter but at least her bladder was empty, she was out of ammo. She still had her fingers twined in my hair, which kept her upright. She pulled me closer to her groin; I was too eager to wait to be “forced” and planted my face directly in her muff, nuzzling my way into thick purple curls. Seeking her clitoris with my tongue I knew my enthusiastic licking was on-target when her grip on my hair tightened more.
I still had the soap in my hand so put it to good use. I lathered up her butt crack while I licked her labia and clit. Then I slowly circled her slippery, soapy, anus with my fingertip. She wiggled but did not pull away. I slowed the circling motion and held my fingertip centred, ready to enter; I gave slight push, and then again, not enough to penetrate, more of a tactile question. I stopped there to see how she would react. Twilight completed the motion by pushing herself solidly down upon the entire length of the extended digit. I slid the finger slowly in and out of her darkest warmth. With my free hand I felt for the shower controls and activated the post-workout massage setting: alternating hot and cold jets in high pressure pulses. She was receiving the several kinds of sensory input – and she sure sounded like she was enjoying it. I let her set the pace as she ground her pussy against my face; matched that rhythm with my finger in her ass. The shower was programed to match its temperature swings with any rhythmic movement in the stall. Everything was in sync and she was in control. I felt Twilight wobble – she was still standing on one foot and her approaching climax was making her weak in the knee. It was time for my final attack!
“Princess Twibutt Spankle!” I raised my face slightly from her purple pubes to speak, “I have you now!” With my other hand I spanked her ass, alternating sides. Loud, wet, stinging slaps on her shapely purple bottom.
As I continued to swat, I returned my tongue to her slit. The combination of sensations: hot and cold water, my tongue on her clit, one finger slowly probing her ass, and stinging buttocks pushed her over the edge.
She came, and came, and came. She held my face to her pubis and ground hard against me as I licked her – preventing me from coming up for air. “Honestly, I don’t mind dying like this,” I thought. And then when I thought I might actually pass out, she collapsed, not quite unconscious, but rag-doll limp. I caught her to keep her from crashing to the hard floor of the shower. She was sprawled over me and I struggled to get out from under her. With my elbow I switched the shower to a gentle warm rain and lay down on the shower floor, Twilight mostly on top. I rolled to carefully lower Twilight to the floor of the shower, and disentangled.
“Ooooooooh, was that Terrestrienne magic?” she asked “I think my bones have all turned to jelly.”
I sat near Twilight, put my hand on her shoulder. “Lets catch our breath for a moment and then we’ll get you off to bed.”
A snore was her only reply.
I gestured the water flow off, draped a towel under my arms, and carefully lifted Twilight from the floor. I carried her to bed and lay her down. With another towel I patted her dry. When I returned from tossing the damp towels in the autowash Twilight had rolled over and was lying on her back. Her naked beauty stirred more in me than just love and desire, it was a spiritual devotion which I felt.
“Great Celestia,” I prayed aloud as I knelt at the foot of the bed and admired Twilight from a vantage between her feet, “so please it you, let your supplicant spend the rest of his days at Twilight’s side.”
“Amen,” mumbled Twilight in her sleep, and farted. Her snoring resumed.
With reverence I fluffed the blankets and lay down by her side.
—
In the morning Twilight was still tired.
“Tell me the truth, Tangent,” she said between yawns, “how many women have you drowned in the shower perfecting that trick?” She sat up. “Wow, I’m floppy from coming so hard last night. I won’t have the energy for sex for at least a week.”
Evidently she did at least have the energy for sass.
—
In spite of her threat, Twilight was that night quite the eager fellatrix.
Before my urgency reached its eruption, she pulled her head back, let my erection slip from her mouth; when the glans rested on her kiss, she slid her way down to the base of my cock. Laying her cheek against my thigh, she spoke dreamily.
“Which finger was it? Last night. In. My. Butt?”
I held up my hand, middle finger extended. She took my hand, pulled it down to my groin, held the extended digit next to my hard penis. She looked appraisingly between them for just a moment.
“Nope, I don’t think so,” she said, and took my cock back into her mouth.
I had no complaint.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Much later that evening I was welcoming Twilight home for a third time.
We had shifted from oral to basic pony-style and I was riding her with a slow, strong, motion when she asked, “how many times did you and Leon make love?”
“Princess!” I protested, “what kind of pillow talk is that?”
“Are we going to keep sexual secrets from each other?” she countered.
“N-no. But we weren’t really ‘making love’ we were just—”
“I remember. ‘Convivial fuck buddies’ was the phrase he used.”
“Yeah,” I chuckled, “that about sums it up.”
“So tell me about it, I’m not jealous, I think it’s sexy. How many times?”
“A dozen or so.”
“Is ‘a dozen or so’ thirteen, or is ‘a dozen or so’ twenty three?”
“Closer to two dozen,” I said after a moment’s thought.
Twilight laughed.
“How does his ass compare to my royal plot?”
My cock continued to bury itself in said royal plot.
“Honestly, I never nailed him, but I’m going to say as an article of faith that nothing compares to your purple pussy of potent pulchritude.”
“Aw, you’re so sweet!” she said, adjusting her rhythm to drive me deeper into her with each thrust. “Never, really?”
“Ah, let me explain…”
—
“You’re on fire, boy!” Leon said, proud that his teaching had been so successful. “Your point, third in a row. Claim your prize!”
He spread his arms, naked in the warm autumn of Selphia. He had grown tan over the summer and the runes that decorated his body –starting from his strong thighs, circling below the flat plane of his belly, and traveling across a muscular chest to end in a third-eye symbol on his brow– were bright in contrast, almost matching the cloudless sky. Some of the blue symbols extended onto the shaft of his erect penis, surely the prize he expected me to claim.
Instead , “bend over that stump” I said playfully. “ I wanna do you like you do me.”
We’d been dueling with sticks, and the stump where Leon’s sword leaned was just the right height to put his ass at the level of my dick.
Something wasn’t quite right as Leon followed my instructions and assumed the position, but I was distracted by another rune. Right behind his scrotum, I hadn’t seen this symbol despite the amount of time I had spent sucking his dick.
“Hey, you got another of those blue things back here, did you know that?”
I brushed his tail to the side and spread his ass cheeks to better examine the glyph on the skin of his perineum.
As I traced the shape with a fingertip, Leon made a sound almost like a whimper. T hat’s when I noticed that his pointy fox ears, normally pert with excitement before sex, were drooping.
“Are you okay?”
When Leon did not reply, I stepped around to get a better look and saw that there were tears on his face.
“What the fuck, man, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t do it th is way, I just can’t”
“Why?”
“When I was growing up, centuries ago, I learned that only girls get fucked with cocks.”
“Am I a girl?” I asked. Despite concern for my friend’s distress, I still sported an erection and I shook my hips, causing it to sway side to side. “Do these look like a girl’s breasts?” I thrust my chest forward, pointing my nipples right at him – nipples that had received great pleasure from his kisses in previous encounters.
Leon answered both of my questions with a negatory shake of his head.
“I’ll just have to claim my prize some other way.”
Stepping closer, I strain ed upwards to meet his lips . Tension flowed out of Leon and with relief came passion. Rougher and harder he kissed me as I reached between us to massage our cocks together. Moments before he had been limp with distress; now when he was fully erect I put a hand on his shoulder to push down, until he was sitting on the ground with his back to the stump. Maintaining lip to lip contact with him through the maneuver, I sank down to my knees, holding myself above his cock. One hand pulled at my right buttock to ease access and the other led Leon’s hardness to line up with me. Lowering my body down, I press ed myself against his dick head. Lower still, and the pressure became an instant of discomfort and then he was inside me, filling me. My groan was echoed by Leon’s; t his pleasure wasn’t love, but it eased a hunger, a confusion, stirred up by the impossible events I had experienced of late. As the pleasure grew, so did my urgent pace, rising up, driving down, taking Leon as far into me as I could. My tongue was deep in his mouth and the sweetness of him only grew as orgasm neared.
Leon broke the kiss to mumble, “don’t come on me, boy.”
Resisting the pull of his hands on my hips, I raised myself up, until his dick slipped free from my bottom, then stood.
“Do you really want me to stop now?” I asked, a touch of petulance creeping into my voice.
Leon looked nervously at how close I was to his face.
“N- no.”
I knelt again, guiding him back inside,and resumed my ride, his strong arms adding speed and power to the pace as I fucked myself on his cock.
“Then shut up and keep kissing me.”
I dove back to his lips and didn’t stop until we had both come.
After Leon spent his seed within me, he was still hard and I continued to ride him. My semen was slick between our bodies as I rose up and down, still pressing my dick against him. He had broken the kiss again; I panted heavily, eyes closed to focus on my pleasure. Leon’s hands migrated to my chest, fingers gently teasing nipples.
“You’re getting hard again, boy,” he said after a time.
I couldn’t reply, too caught up in the satiny friction of the sensitive underside of my cock rubbing on his belly. Instead I leaned back, giving him better access to my upper body. The gentle rolling between finger and thumb became a more insistent pinching, further electrifying my senses. His dick had softened and slipped free from my ass; mine grew harder as I ground against him, seeking a second climax. When it arrived, all I could do was mewl Twilight’s name and pass out.
—
We had migrated during the telling. Now I sat at the edge of the bed and Twilight rode my cock like I had ridden Leon’s. I couldn't get the deepest penetration in this position, but her pussy was warm and wet around me and I had no complaint.
Neither did Twilight complain, moaning forth her own orgasmic cries after the climax of my tale.
“That was hot,” she sighed, slowing, “ bucking hawwwwt . Even if the middle part of the story was somewhat angsty. Also, some wicked good friendship (with benefits) work. I hope he’s learned to communicate better with his lov– eh, partners.”
“I hope so. I guess he’s with that sword-slinging acting Princess now, uh, Avani. The one who had him all hot and bothered when we first started banging.”
“Well, I promised to tell you about my conquests. My greatest was an anomalously cute human. I was almost out of control, I was horny, and in human terms, all I wanted was a fuck buddy. Instead I met you.”
“And then I made it weird by saying I love you.”
“I have come to appreciate your devotion to truth. Of course, I couldn't have known about that at the time, so yes, it did make it a little weird. And all the more confusing based on what was going on in my head. Are you close?”
She hadn’t stopped grinding her hips slowly against me.
“Yeah.”
“Do something for me? Pull out and come on my wing shoulders.”
“Uh, okay,” I said, baffled but willing.
Twilight rolled off me and threw herself across the bed with her wings wide.
I hoisted myself over her, supporting myself with one foreleg while I reached down to clop myself until I ejaculated on her, splattering her back between her wings. With the head of my dick I rubbed the milky fluid into her coat.
“Love you, Princess. Why did we do that?”
“Mmmm,” she exulted as semen ran down her side, “you have marked me.”
“Hey, that wasn’t anything degrading was it? Maybe we should have learned from my story and talked it over first?”
“What? No, no, of course not. Well, I guess it could be if the stallion was a jerk and if I wasn’t willing, but I wanted you to do that.”
“What’s it mean?”
“Listen, I was raised unicorn, so I shouldn’t know any of the pegasus rites – not even the other Alicorns know about this. But I did a lot of pegasus research after I gained my wings and I read things that should never have been written down. You can’t tell anypony that I had you do this, but just between you and me, that is how a pegasus mare shows a stallion that she is his. The idea is that she thinks of him with every flap of her wings. And I do.”
It was a romantic notion, but I wondered what other tribal mysteries might exist.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Eric Landers stood in the empty domicile. After a careful search of the entire suite of rooms, he had left no trace of his intrusion – nor found any sign of the missing resident.
Nothing was obviously gone, no sign of packing for a trip. A few bare spots on the bookshelves could have indicated that certain volumes had been removed or simply that there was room for growth. There was no mess, save two complete and identical sets of clothes on the floor. One folded, the other in disarray.
Ah, there were secrets, within secrets, within secrets. Perhaps he should have shared at least some inkling of the truth with the young fellow. But no, there was no gain in doubting himself. He had tried his best to protect the young one. For now, Tangent was beyond his help.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Made it back alive from Bighoof country so the story continues on.
Anniversary
Bear woke me without disturbing Gloam. I sat up, careful to leave blankets tucked around her. At three months old, she probably wasn’t active enough to roll off the bed. But even half asleep, I didn’t take chances.
“Yeah,” I groaned, “what is it?”
“Do you know what today is?”
“Uh, Thor’s day?”
“No, Frigga’s day. And it is exactly one year since you returned from Equestria.”
“A year?”
“Yes, on our time line. I do not have enough data to calculate the time elapsed in Equestria.”
So? I wondered.
“Equestria,” Bear prompted, “where your last act was being simultaneously married to and impregnated by your Twilight.”
“Muhhh?”
I was still too fuzzy headed to know where this was leading.
“Happy anniversary, Tanna.”
“Oh.”
There was something else I should say.
“Thank you, Bear.”
That was it.
“You are welcome. I made you a present.”
“Uh, where?”
“Your hand has been resting on it for over a minute now.”
There was something flat and hard under the sheet I had flipped back as I sat up.
I retrieved a clear frame holding a triptych of pictures. Twilight and me, naked in the dappled sunlight on her first day on Terra. Twilight and me, holding hands as we discreetly coupled in a floating inner tube. Twilight and me, dancing close at the club. Bear had rendered the images in the style of Gustavo Cetes, a favorite painter of the twenty third century. In the images he recast our genders from the original events, myself as the woman I had become, Twilight as she might appear in the form of a human male.
The pictures were embedded in a thick slab of something that looked like lucite but far denser. Close examination showed that the backgrounds were subtily animated: dots of sunlight, ripples in the water, and disco lights shifted slowly, bringing the images to life. Flipping it over, the images were visible in reverse from the back side.
“They’re beautiful, Bear, thank you again. How did you come up with this?”
“I trawled a lot of security footage, I made some educated guesses, and I applied a little creativity.”
I leaned the frame against a pillow and lay down to admire Bear’s vision of a male, human, Twilight.
Maybe, just maybe, I could stand to be alive.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Evening closed in around the four princesses as they soaked in companionable company. One princess lowered the sun, a second raised the moon, a third ordered drinks, and for the first time in weeks Twilight felt relaxed.
“Thank you so much for tonight, ladies. I am going to scale back just a bit on my research and try to do less of the super-bitchy thing.”
She finished her third cocktail and leaned back in the tub. By crossing her eyes, which had become very easy to do, she could just see the tip of her horn. She summoned a spark of magic and released it again. For several minutes she blinked on and off, giggling as the fireflies echoed her flashes.
“I wonder what Tangent is doing tonight…”
—
Sitting alone at the small table in her kitchen, Tanna sewed. She paused now and then to listen for any sound that might indicate that little Gloam was awake. The only sound was the toddler’s breathing.
And the occasional small drip blatting on the kitchen floor.
The stitches were even and tiny, sure to hold this time. Not bad work for a lefty using only her right hand. She tied the thread off and snipped it. Before taking up the needle with her more deft left hand she raised a knife to the inner surface of her right arm and gouged another neat incision.
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck” she whispered, but there was some measure of solace in the pain. Hot red blood told her that no matter how thin the thread of belief, she really was still alive.
The wound was a close-enough match to the one just stitched closed on the left. The neatness of the new injuries contrasted with older, jagged, scars. Other than a slight, frantic, keening, she sewed it closed again silently.
And the occasional small drip of blood blatted on the kitchen floor.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
104-Morning After the Night Before
I woke with a sense that I was alone in bed – for a moment I doubted my memories of the night before.
Rolling over and stretching, movement confirmed the reality of it all. I could feel that my skin was crusted with dried sex from chin to crotch to the nape of my neck and my body was a mass of aches from the exertions.
Reluctant to open my eyes to see what hour was displayed on the alarmer, I hoped there was time to shower before I needed to get Gloam up for school. I could throw what was left of the linens in the auto, later.
Undecided about the prospect of further motion, I cast my awareness about. Twilight was still in the room with me; sitting up would be worth making an attempt.
“Tanna,” she spoke when she saw me begin to stir, “there is a woman sleeping on your livingroom sofa. She wasn’t there last night.”
“That’s Isha. She has been my steadfast friend and teacher these last couple years.” Twilight flinched at the mention of years. “It’s okay, honey, it’s okay. We’re together now. Just never leave me and it will all be worth the wait. Never send me away.”
“This is disloyal to think let alone speak, but I won’t even let Cel-”
I stood, somewhat wobbly on my strained legs, and put my fingertip on her lips. “Don’t you dare say it. I will not lead you into words of treason. I too revere the Kellestrix as the hoof of the goddess and our divine ruler.”
“Aye,” she said, slightly abashed. “Are you alright? You’re walking funny.”
“I feel like I got bucked all night long by a stud pony.” I grinned impishly, but unevenly, at her. “And it was wonderful.”
But there was no denying that I was one sore individual after our various exploits over the course of the evening. Hot water, coffee and aspirin, would make a world of difference. I splatted a dose of aspirin directly over the vein in my elbow and watched the bright smear of the absorption agent darken to invisibility as it soaked through the skin. With a wave of hand signals, coffee was programmed to brew itself when the shower stopped.
“I really need a shower,” I said to Twilight, “and so do you. When I remodeled the domicile I made sure the shower had room for both,” I booped her nose playfully with mine, “of us even if one or both of us are ponies at the time, so lets both get cleaned up together. The new controls are hoof-friendly and there is no shower curtain or door to worry about – tile floor no worry about splashing.”
“Did your friend Isha watch us last night? I can smell her sexual need and self-gratification from the doorway…”
“Yeah, I think she watched us a little.” Actually I was pretty sure she kept watching much of the show after I stopped looking at the door. At least the first round. “And you put on quite a performance, my throbbing stallion husband!” I sidled up to her, put my arms around her. Then I loosened my hold of her, let one hand wander. My fingers brushed along her back, past her wings, over her flank (I could feel the slightly stiffer hairs of her cutie-mark), slipped around her back of her high and I grasped her scrotum from behind to gently held her balls. “So nice…”
But now was not the time to drain them again.
“I better wake Isha to get cleaned up too. Gonna be all of us in there, no shower-sex this time, my Lord Prince Twilight.”
“You know, uh, Tanna, at some point we should probably go back to our birth genders.”
“Yes, sir,” I said demurely, “but for now I will enjoy being your girl. I hope we can switch it up once in a while as we grow old together in Equestria.”
Still holding pony testicles, I added, “I can’t even remember what it was like to have a pair of these. If you so desire, I can be the male again when we get to Equestria. Or—” I tried to put a coquettish lilt in my voice “—I could be your mare for the rest of my life. You could fill me up whenever you wanted.”
“I—” Twilight seemed to be having a difficult time putting words together “—I think that barring recreational changes, I should be the mare.”
“So be it, your Highness.” I bowed my head in humble obedience – then raised my chin, eyes flashing. “But having carried and birthed your daughter, I will not easily relinquish the title of being your wife! Regardless of what gender I wear at any given moment.”
I released my beloved’s jewels and stepped to the living room. Isha snored on the sofa. One hand was still in her panties. She must have been pretty horny after watching Twilight impale me.
“You snore, sister,” I put my hand gently on her shoulder as I echoed her first words to me.
As she woke her fingers began massaging her sex – surely the last thing they had been doing when she drifted to sleep.
“Wow, Tanna, that was quite a display you two were putting on.”
“I’m sorry.” So many lost possibilities were laid to rest in those words.
“I’m not, I’m so happy for you.” Isha was grinning, though her eyes sparkled suspiciously bright. “You must have had the sound dampening on or I would have known not to peek in. But I'm glad I did. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Glad you enjoyed the show, I know I loved it. Hands off the pussy, darling. We all need showers and its less than an hour until Gloam gets up for school, so we’ll be in there together to save time.”
“Two girls and a stallion crowded into a shower stall? Sounds like a set up for a rude joke.”
“Or a peanut butter advertisement. But it won’t be crowded – there’s room for two ponies to play sexy pony shower games together.”
I took her hand, pulled it from her groin. She moved her other hand to replace it and continued rubbing. I sighed and led her to my room.
“Twilight, this is Isha Myrtle. She’s been my boon friend and has helped me learn some Terrestrienne magic. Isha this is my husband Twilight Sparkle. Now lets all get naked, stop masturbating, and clean up!”
“Undress me?” asked Isha, “I’m not done and I really gotta take care of this. Still out of my head after watching you two last night.”
“Oh, honey, you’re hopeless…” I complained but I didn’t actually mind so much. Twilight watched me curiously, inscrutable now. I started pulling Isha’s undies down with my hands, but when I noticed Twilight’s intense stare, I let go and kneeled to grab the elastic with my teeth. Isha’s hand brushed against my face as she continued to pleasure herself. I pulled the panties down to the floor, pulled them under right foot and then left to get the garment free. Still holding them in my teeth I carried them to the autowash. Now I pulled her camisole up, tugging it carefully past her large breasts and over her head bit by bit with my mouth, until it hung from the wrist of the hand she masturbated with. She switched hands again and I carried the garment to be cleaned.
“I swear I’m not just being a perv,” Isha insisted, “Aphrodite’s worship is my bond and duty…”
Twilight was puzzled by the assertion.
“It’s legit, hon’,” I told her, “Isha is priestess of Aphrodite, a sex and love goddess of this world. We actually met at the shrine of Aphrodite; she’s a little like Princess Cadance but a bit more engaged the physical side of the romance and love Princess Cadance promotes.”
“Bu-u-u-u-t,” Isha’s voice trilled in nearness to orgasm, “it was Mo-o-o-ther Gaia who-o-o appeared to youuuuu. Atheshrine.”
Isha was leaning against the wall now. Fully naked and really getting into herself as Twilight stared intently. I slid my hand under my beloved’s lavender loins – yep, she was getting hard.
“Who told you Cady is only about sweet innocent romance?” Twilight asked, leaning towards my touch. “Why do you think we call her land the Crystal Kinkdom?”
“Uh, blame Faust for that misunderstanding. And I’m guessing that Isha’s condition is a lingering side effect of watching you bone me so delightfully last night,” I said, running my fingers along her cock. We were both intently watching the priestess of sex pleasure herself.
Isha crested, crying out, “oh, oh oh, bless these lovers and accept my worship oh Aphroditeeeeeeee!” and sliding down the wall as she came; at last she sat panting on the floor.
“Why is Isha’s, uh, genital area fur so different than yours? I don’t just mean the colour.”
Unlike my narrow strip of crazy purple frizz, Isha’s consisted of a lush, velvety patch of dark curls, a thick triangle masking her entire mons veneris in shadows of mystery.
“Humans call it pubic hair, Twi, pubes for short.”
“Bush,” Isha stated between breaths.
“That too,” I agreed. “Anyway, her hair is different texture than mine because of genetics, just like the hair on her head is different than mine. But I changed the colour and limited the growth area on myself when I was studying magic, years ago. I’m not representative of any baseline human appearance.”
“Magic, huh?” Isha muttered. “I just figured you must spend a fortune on razors and hot wax. Or maybe you have Bear tweeze you with a precision manipulator.”
“No!” I squawked, instinctively covering my crotch with my hands. Beyond the strip of fuzz that almost concealed the slit, my pubic mound was silky smooth, free of stubble and ingrown hairs that would result from such hypothetical shaving and plucking.
“Pleased to finally meet you, Twilight,” Isha said after a laugh. She stood again, asking, “is it this way to the sho – Woah, de-luxe!” she said as she turned the corner “if I’d known you had a fancy shower like this I would have had another reason to move in to help keep your bed warm until your purple stud here came back for you.” She slapped Twilight’s ass playfully.
“Hands off! Mine!” I pulled a fake pout, then switched to a submissive stance. “Unless my Lord the sexual stallion would like to start a harem of receptive human mares to breed many strong foals upon.”
“Kinky,” said Isha. “But don’t go offering my virginity to your husband without my permission. Not say I won’t give myself to him if you’re part of the deal, but I insist you deflower me before I dast ingulf his might.”
“Really‽”
“Yes, really. Up to your wrist, just to get me warmed up. I’ve seen what he can do!”
“No, I mean really, you are? I just naturally assumed…”
The memory of our interrupted encounter on Gallop assumed a new poignancy; Isha fell back on formal speech to distance herself from the reminder of the opportunity she had lost.
“Our Lady accepts my devotions solitarily – a partner is not required for her worship and I have never desired any, save one.” She looked at my nakedness with frank rue. “There were so many times that I was ready to give myself to you… I’ve never even dared the rite you performed the night we met.”
“Wait. The rite I…? When did you get there, how much did you see?”
“It was evident exactly what transpired without seeing it take place. But in sooth I heard your prayer in its fullness and saw the grounding ritual you performed.” I felt he heat of blush rise to my cheeks. “Not for naught am I the priestess of Aphrodite, I do have understanding of these matters. Be not shamed, sister.”
I thought for a second. “What about the two thugs? How’d they get in if you were there the whole time?”
Isha rolled her eyes. “I left you unguarded for a hundred seconds to take a blessed piss, and for the first time in my life intruders violate the shrine. Believe me I would have not dealt with them as mercifully as you did. Had you spared them, they would have learned the true folly of their ways.”
“Did I err?” I asked.
“Your only mistake was performing the ritual with nobody to watch your back. An error you only made once.”
Hmmm, I always assumed that Isha knew…
Twilight coughed. “Can someone with fingers shampoo my mane while you two reminisce? Please?”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
109-Non-Routine Morning Routine
I scrambled to the kitchen and found coffee steaming in the automatic coffeepot and Gloam sitting at the table already dressed.
In spite of the lingering aches from the night before, I moved like a whirlwind in the kitchen. Cooking, pouring coffees, and checking Gloam’s outfit for the day.
When Twilight and Isha emerged a bit after I did, I had coffee and toast waiting for them; I’d whip up something more substantial once Gloam was safely off too school. She was almost done with her food and almost time to go.
“Hiya, Gloam,” said Isha, “glued anything to anything else since I saw you last?”
“No.” Gloam tried to pout, but she was too excited to have Twilight with us, and now Isha too, for her sullen act to be very convincing.
“Glue?” asked Twilight.
“I got glue in my hair, that’s why it’s cut so short.”
“You look great, honey,” Twilight said, “the short hair is very stylish on you. How’d you glue get in your hair?”
“I stuck myself to the ceiling.”
Twilight tried not to inhale her entire mug of coffee into her lungs as I picked up the narrative.
“Let’s just skip over why she thought that was a good idea, and get to the part where they call me to come get her at school.”
“Oh, no,” Twilight gasped, “at school?”
Isha was grinning – she loved this story.
“So I get a message,” I continued, “asking me to get to the school as fast as I can, and to please bring some hair clippers ‘cos they can’t find any. Now, my instincts are trying to imagine the worst possible thing, but really, I can’t come up with anything. I mean, hair clippers, right? I had no clue. So I hurry . Everything goes wrong, from dropping my clippers and breaking them, to finding a store to buy new ones, to the transit getting re-routed around tunnel maintenance and I had to jog two kilometers back to the school from the nearest stop. Imagine my state when I burst into the classroom and see my daughter hanging from the ceiling—” I waited for Gloam to supply her part.
“Stark naked,” Gloam supplied on cue, rolling her eyes. She had endured the telling of this tale more than a few times.
“—but uninjured. That was all I really cared about, and then I used the clippers to cut her free from her hair.”
“Gloam, why were you naked?” Twilight asked.
“It hurt!” Gloam protested, “I wanted to shed as much weight as possible. So I took off my clothes. It’s just natural, anyway.”
“See! See! See!” I was hopping up and down for this part of the tale. “She’s so smart! We just gotta work on the ‘wise’ part. Your dad can help you with that, honey.”
“It makes perfect sense to me.” Twilight nodded her approval.
“Don’t let all the praise go to your head, Gloamster,” Isha advised.
“It’s probably too late,” Twilight confided, “if she’s like her father, she knows damn well she’s brilliant.”
Gloam and Twilight shared pair of mischievous grins. It was so good to see them hitting off well. The bond they were already forming bode well for family life.
A chime sounded and it was time to leave for school.
“Have good day, brilliant Father,” Gloam kissed Twilight on the nose and hugged her. “I promise not to tell the class polit officer that my mommy just spent the night with a pony.” But she flubbed the timing – Twilight had paused before her next sip of coffee to listen to Gloam’s words.
“Be good, mom,” Gloam said before she left for school, “I don’t think I could get used to a domicile full of younger siblings. And my babysitting fees are hella high.”
She kissed me and ran out the door.
“Wow,” said Twilight, “what a wonderful foal! I still can hardly believe I’m a parent.”
“I guarantee she’s yours. As if the purple tint to her colouration wasn’t clue enough. Humans don’t usually come in that colour.”
“I remember. And I don’t doubt for a moment. As I told you last time I was here, I trust you absolutely.”
“Do you have enough power to spare to turn anthroform until we can go home?”
“I think I can manage that. It will keep us stuck here just a little bit longer.”
“But it will make it easier to avoid drawing attention, and we don’t need that.”
“Ok.” Twilight set her coffee down and stepped away from the table. A rose glow passed over her body and she stood before us, a winged and horned demi-human. I was pleased to see that she was still male, and stood naked and glorious. As before, her hair had taken the colour of her mane and her skin was the paler purple of her coat, darkening slightly at her groin and cock.
Did I say cock?
This was perfect .
“Nice package,” Isha commented drily, “better hide that, I think Tanna is on the prowl.”
The warning came too late. Before Twilight could blink I was on my knees and kissing her cock.
“Woah, Tanna!”
“You are not getting away from me, mister.” I put my hands on her hips. “We still have lots of catching up to do.” I impaled my face on her cock and started sucking her in earnest.
“Coffee and a show! You go, girl!” cheered Isha. I’m not sure her encouragement was strictly necessary, I was already giving the best head I could, and loving it. It was everything I wanted to do last night when Twilight’s pony cock was too large for my mouth.
I closed my eyes and enjoyed every centimeter of Twilight’s hardness.
Another discrete chime sounded — Bear’s confirmation that Gloam had met up with proctor who escorted all the children from our building to school. With her safety assured, I could focus on the task at mouth.
By Celestia, I enjoyed felating my husband’s sweet, sweet penis. She was getting close. I considered taking her all the way with my mouth, decided I needed her treasure inside me. But...
“Ok, I need you in me now.” I stood and then bent over the counter. “My pussy’s sore, so you’re gonna have do me. In. My. Ass.”
Twilight gulped audibly. “Are you sure?”
I answered her question by reaching behind, spreading my cheeks, and waving my backside at her. I waited, wishing I had a tail to swish.
It was super effective: Twilight approached me like she was in a trance.
“Do you… really… mean…” she mumbled.
“I don’t see any ponies here.”
“Lube it up, sweetie!” Isha interjected. I had already forgotten that we had an audience. “Or you’re gonna be sore there, too.”
I didn’t want to break the spell that seemed to captivate Twilight. Instead of running to find lube from my room I reached down the counter and grabbed the last tablespoon of butter and rubbed it down my ass crack and around my anus. Then I slicked Twilight’s cock with the butter remaining on my fingers.
“Plug my bunghole, Twi” I said.
She carefully pushed against my buttery sphincter as I willed myself to relax. With a sigh I opened my cloacal passage to receive her might. When she entered me, the penetration was every bit as gentle as she had been the first time last night. Starting slow and working her way into me deeper and deeper. Her humanoid penis was significantly smaller than pony dick, but since my ass was tighter than my cunt, it was still a stretch. I was definitely correct, last night, not to let her buttfuck me before she transformed. This was just right; pony dick would have killed me.
Once she was sure she could get her whole length in, she grabbed my hips and established a rhythm.
Most of my backdoor experience had been when I was male, fooling around in magical dreams. What little experience I had as a woman had taught me that the neural wiring was definitely a little different back there as a female. The physical sensation was very different, and though self exploration had not prepared me for what it would be like with someone I loved, it was going to take more than well buttered sodomy to get me off. I put one arm on the counter and rested my head on it. My other hand I reached down to rub my clit. I focused on rubbing in time with Twi’s cycle of thrust and withdrawal, the two sensations alloying together as they raced through my nerves.
A moment later, Isha was fumbling with my hand. For a second I thought –hoped– she was going to join in. Then I realized she was handing me a vibrator - now that is what you call a good friend. Aphrodite only knew how she found my stash of special equipment so quickly. Come to think of it, Aphrodite’s help was probably how she found my stuff. I switched it straight to maximum speed, to power myself down the home stretch.
By now Twilight was plowing my ass like it was the back forty and after a few more minutes the throbbing of the toy against my clitoris pushed me over the edge.
“Uh-Twi, uh-Twi, uh-Twi” I panted before my vocalizations broke down into an inchoate howl of pleasure. Twilight’s thrusts grew harder and she slammed me against the counter as she filled my ass with her come.
I was still learning over the counter and breathing hard when Twilight release my hips and pulled her cock out.
Something went bloop as she withdrew and it seemed that there was more than just semen running down my legs.
“Oh, Ceesh, her Highness was right. That’s kinda messy.” Twilight was too satiated with pleasure to sound very upset about the mess.
I smiled with half-lidded eyes and took her hand.
“Back to the shower for us…” I said.
—
“Bunghole,” said Twilight with a chuckle. She started the shower as I finished with another bathroom fixture.
“You did. You bunged my bunghole like a champion.”
“Not the most ladylike phrasing, I guess.”
“Not the most ladylike mess, I guess,” I said as she soaped my butt crack. “Take me home to Equestria, and I’ll make sure to ask Dame Rarity how to properly request such a service.” I accepted the bar and began to wash her cock. “And next time we try this, you gotta let me do some cleaning first.”
“Ha! I dare you to ask her.”
“Oh, it’s on , I totally will ask her. Careful not to get soap in my pussy.”
—
We were still grinning even after we toweled off for a second time and returned to finish breakfasting.
“How’s yer ass, babe?” Isha asked after an act that was ‘not favored but not forbidden’.
Without sparing a thought I tightened and relaxed the relevant muscles as self-check for soreness.
“My ass,” I replied happily, “is great.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Coffee had grown cold while Twilight and I conjugated, and then showered, but Isha had clicked on a fresh batch just as we emerged from our second shower of the morning. To top that off, she’d commandeered my skillet while I was washing up and cooked breakfast
“Not serving those pseudo food bar thingies anymore?” Twilight asked as she dug into fried eggs.
“I’ve got some for emergencies if you miss them. But I haven’t touched them in years.”
“FSBs?” Isha asked. “You had Twilight here from another world and you served those nasty things?”
“That was before I taught myself how to cook. And they were convenient. Leaves more time for sex and books.”
We all laughed.
“Uh, by the way Tanna, did you happen to notice what Celestia said before she sent you back here?” Twilight asked.
“She called us newlyweds, so I assume that means we’re married even if we never had a church service or the paperwork. It’s legally binding if she says it, right? Right? That’s what I’ve been telling everyone.”
“Dixitque Kellestrix, fiat .”
“Amen,” I said.
“Here’s what’s really funny: it was Discord who wrote the law that gives her the formal legal right to declare any two ponies who use her name as an expression, during sex, to be married. I actually had to go and look up the ECS code just to make sure he wasn’t pulling my leg.” Wisely, she paused for a second to count limbs – idiom and Discord can be a chancy mix even here on Terra where we were were absolutely, unequivocally, safe from his pranks. “I think he only wrote the bill to tease her; he was pretty pleased that it actually got used.”
“Since when was he part of the Equestrian legislative process?”
“When he was elected to the House of Lords around year four hundred of the Celestial Era.”
“What year is it now,” Isha asked, “in Equestria?”
“One thousand thirty four.”
“How long has this princess of yours been reigning?”
“A thousand thirty four years.”
“Oh . How long do her kind live?”
“Nopony knows yet.”
Twilight nodded in agreement.
“Now that our libidos are sated for a few minutes, tell me what’s been been happening in Equestria.”
“Derpy’s back.”
Her voice did not indicate a happy ending.
“Is she okay?”
“Well, she’s healthy, and she’s safe now, but she’s four months pregnant.”
“How long to ponies carry?” Isha wondered.
“About eleven months,” I replied “Not ‘ran off happily with somepony special’ pregnant?”
“No, she was abducted, like we all feared. It was one of the Skim brothers. He’s already been captured, tried, convicted, and sentenced to hang.”
“Really! Flim or Flam?”
“No, it was Flum. Those two are innocent of this outrage. I’ll take petty con artists over abduction and rape any day.”
“Flum? I didn’t know about him. Is there a Flem and Flom too?”
“The sisters? They certainly weren’t involved, according to the EBI. And Flwm, Flym, and Flgm are all too young.”
“Big family. I only knew about Flim and Flam. Cee, that's so awful, how is Miss Derpy?”
“She’s gotten really quiet, but she’s back at work mis-delivering the mail until she’s too pregnant to fly. She says keeping busy makes her feel better.”
“Is that all the support she gets? Doing her job?” Isha asked, indignant.
“No, of course not. We don’t just let a crime victim languish on her own. I’m not on the case, but I know that her mother is staying with her for a while. And of course her counseling session are confidential. But we are civilized ponies.”
“Tell me some good news from Equestria.”
“Well, in spite of being totally whiny and driving her Highness spare for the last eight weeks I’ve saved the world twice.”
“I’m glad that I left Equestria in good hooves. What were you being whiny about?”
“Mostly about how much I missed you!”
“Oh!” I blushed.
“Also, since I mentioned Discord a moment ago, I should tell you that he finally asked Fluttershy a very special question
“Hurray! I knew he could do it! She said yes, right? I’m sure she did!”
“Heh, heh, yep. He and Fluttershy haven’t set the date yet, but probably this summer.”
“Who are they?” Isha asked.
“Lord of Chaos,” I explained, “and his marefriend, eh, fiancé I guess I should say now. Good friends of ours.”
“You should have been there for the announcement. Celestia crashed the party and was teasing ‘Shy when we were all toasting the two of them. ‘Shy got her back; I don’t know what she said but it made her Highness blow wine out her royal nose!”
“Ha! Gotta watch the quiet ones! Anything else new?”
“Well there is one other situation of note.” The carefully bored tone of Twilight’s voice warned me that she was ready to spring something.
“Do tell,” I said with caution.
“You recall the smoldering speech you gave before our last innocent little tryst in Equestria?”
“Oh Twilight, I was so fuckin’ hot for you. And you wouldn’t do me unless I told you ‘exactly what I wanted’. And after I told you, her Highness interrupted us and sent me back mid-orgasm…”
“At least she married us before she banished you.”
“Aye.” I bowed my head. “Kellestrix gratias .”
“Kellestrix gratias ,” Twilight agreed.
“Kellestrix gratias ,” Isha intoned with a sincerity of feeling that surprised me.
“Anyway—” Twi was ready for the reveal “—are you ready to be an aunt?”
“Technically aren’t I already? There’s young Princess Heartflurry. Are your brother and Princess Cadance expecting again?”
“Surprisingly, no, they aren’t. Shining was away on frontier patrol at the crucial moment, even though there’s nothing to patrol up there. But your words became a spell. Nopony knows how it happened, but we were still magically entangled from the magic earlier, and somehow you got access to my power.”
I vaguely recalled the magical tingle I had felt long ago as I canted the lilting lustwise language of love to her. At the time I assumed it was a side effect of the overpowering need I felt for Twilight. But if I had been using magic, it wasn’t Twilight’s power that I drew upon.
“What happened?”
“In an area centered around Ponyville, there are some eight hundred mares who got pregnant that night. Thirty-ish would be a normal night for that geographic area, barring full moon, Cadance’s birthday, or Hearts and Hooves day where you might see as many as fifty.”
“That much have been some soliloquy,” Isha commented, “What exactly did she say?”
“It went like this…”
Twilight stood and recited the words I had improvised, some eight years ago in my timeline, to tell her how much I desired her. Much can change in the greater part of a decade, but one thing definitely had not.
“…possess my flesh as already thou possesseth my heart.”
“Oh, Twi, you memorized all that? I still feel that way about you, and I want it again now.” I reached across the table and took her hands when she sat.
We had politely foreborn to notice that early in the recital Isha’s right hand had vanished under the table and her face bore a tell-tale glow.
Isha sighed.
“Praise Aphrodite, that was pretty florid, Tanna. No wonder the goddess brought our paths to cross.”
“Yeah,” I laughed, “I had no idea what was happening.”
“Nopony does. So that’s the other thing I’ve been doing besides trying to break Celestia’s spell. Building infrastructure to cope with the sudden population boom we’re expecting. It’s not that large compared to the whole country, but they mostly live near Ponyville. We’re not going to just arbitrarily ship them off to different hospitals all over the country. So I’m building facilities centered in Ponyville.”
“How’s it going to work?”
“Several towns will have new schools or upgrades, but right in Ponyville I’m building a big birthing centre. But here’s the clever bit: the buildings are all designed to be repurposed as the needs of this wave of new foals change with age. After they’re all born, we remodel into pediatric clinics and foal care. In a few years, we change to preschool, eventually grade school, etc, etc.”
“Impressive! But are you and I going to be on the hook for foal support?”
“That's one of the really incredible things! Every affected mare is either well married or has a dependable lover. There were bucking zero instances of single mares getting themselves randomly abused by strange stallions. Now, a few of the couples had never met before, but they are happy and committed now. Mares in crappy relationships were not affected either.”
“That’s my girl!” Isha punched me in the shoulder. “I’m impressed! A massive love and fertility spell without causing personal havoc for the ladies affected.”
“Celestia says that even she could not have cast a spell that powerful. Uh, she’s also been making me do power-gating drills to make sure that I don’t leave myself open to you. She doesn’t want somepony potentially more powerful than she is (I think she means me!) giving third parties access to that kind of magic. It’s for the best that I keep you out, dear, since you aren’t a trained user.”
“I understand,” I said, but I was shamed by the implicit deceit of leaving Twilight in the dark.
Oh Celestia, I hate lying, I thought grimly. I hope that whatever in Equestria it is that I have sworn to obey really is on your side, really is the goddess she claimed to me. In the years since taking that oath I had received no further confirmation that I had chosen rightly and often found myself tormented with doubt.
Twilight didn’t pick up on my discomfiture but I could see that Isha did.
“…walked in on them in the middle of the night. Together,” Twilight was saying.
“I’m sorry who, what?”
“Celestia and her lover, the foreign prince. Do you realize you cast a spell that affected even her Highness? Even if I wasn’t controlling it, I can’t believe my power did that!”
Once more it hurt me to let the falsehood stand.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“What about you?” Twilight interrupted my gloomy thoughts, “there’s gotta be more stories worth telling about the last nine years.”
For the next couple hours I regaled her with tales of my doings over the years, stories of Gloam’s infancy and early childhood.
After recounting how Gloam’s experiment had caused an entire outfit of modern synthetic clothes to crumble off of her body, Twilight asked, “How’d you end up besties with the priestess of love and sex?”
“I wasn’t a member of the congregation, but I figured out where their shrine was and went there to pray. Mother Gaia visited me and when I woke, Isha was there. We’ve been inseparable ever since.”
Until now, Isha reflected grimly.
“She’s even taught me to help in the shrine. As an adept in the cult of Aphrodite, I can cure VD, or do minor healing, and I can tell if a woman is pregnant, or ready to become pregnant.”
“Wow, too bad you’re not a unicorn, those would be great skills in Equestria!”
I grimaced.
“I wish I could do magic with you.”
More oblique deceit, and I hated it.
“Don’t worry. You gave me a wonderful daughter. That’s pretty magical!”
If only she knew just how magical.I was sure that once Gloam could benefit from formal teaching, her aptitude would amaze her father. Give her one day in Equestria, and who could say what amazements she might produce!
“Can I visit the shrine?” Twilight asked.
I turned to Isha, seeking her word on the matter.
“Sure, let’s go. I trust that you will display appropriate reverence.”
“I am Celestia’s right hoof; the princess is the very hoof of the patron goddess of our world. I think you will find that I know how a mortal should behave in a divine presence.”
But was Twilight actually mortal, I wondered.
“Look at the time! Let’s grab some lunch on the way.”
—
Distantly I could was aware of Twilight telling Isha about Equestria. I was staring off into space, fiddling with a coffee cup and reliving the late night’s, or early morning’s, amorous activities. Imagining a repeat performance kneeling in the sweet grass of Equestria.
“A penny for your thoughts?” asked the waitress as she brought our sandwiches out. “You look like you’re on another world.”
“I totally got fucked in the ass,” I said dreamily gazing at Twilight.
“Really,” the waitress deadpanned.
With a start I realized what I had just told a complete stranger.
Twilight came late to the conversation. ”Yes, she totally did!” she confirmed.
“You’ll have to forgive those two. They’ve been apart for a while.” Isha attempted to intermediate on our behalf.
“Uh, hon’, Bunny—” I read the waitress’s name tag “—wasn’t actually asking for verification. I’m sorry for that, miss. I didn’t mean to gross you out with too much information. I was, as you said, on another world and it just slipped out. Uh, the words.”
“Don’t worry about it, dearie” she chuckled “I’ve heard worse, less politely, and it’s my fault for asking. As long as it was consensual and you don’t try to show me the evidence, it’s all good.”
—
Isha had pulled Twilight to the window to show her something, some detail of the cityscape. I think she might have been pointing out an empty building where a certain band of wanderers were staying until I could arrange to send them to a new world. I stayed behind to save a little walking. I didn’t regret last night, but I surely felt the aftermath with every step.
Alone at the table when Bunny wandered by to top off coffees, I only halfway noticed her murmur, “None of my business, of course, but since you were sharing. Do you prefer it that way?”
“Nah,” I said, lost in my daydreams, “my vag’ was sore from pony cock.”
“Uh, huh. That one was clearly my own mistake; I really shouldn’t have asked. Pony cock.”
I sighed happily. “All night long…”
—
“Surprised she didn’t throw us outta there, you two,” Isha said as we tromped down the sidewalk. “Not everyone wants to know the details.”
“I tipped well,” Bear assured her.
“Speaking of people who do want to know the details—” Twilight nudged me “—have you kept in touch with those two old ladies from the water park?”
“Oh, yeah, they even moved in with mean’ Gloam for a while. Beulah was recovering from a combat injury and lying low.”
“Edna and Beulah? Combat?”
Isha had remained, until now, blissfully unaware of just how interesting my former houseguests’ lives were.
“She got shot in the shoulder, took her months to regrow the joint.”
“What are those two getting into, to risk getting shot at?”
“Best not to ask, but last Time twilight and I saw them in action they were hunting down a couple of murderous aliens.”
Isha tried to reconcile that concept with the two women who had occasionally attended services at the shrine of Aphrodite. It didn’t work, but, “I hope my tits look that good when I’m a hundred.”
There are no secrets in the skyclad services held in honor of our goddess, and no hiding the fact those two had less droop to their busts than the average marble statue.
“A hundred?,” I whispered, “try over four hundred.”
“!” Isha startled.
“Yeah. Obviously don’t talk about it.”
“Wait a sec. Which shoulder?”
“Right.”
“She pitches with her right.”
“Yep.”
“She broke Big Kate’s bat!”
With a pitch like that, and a swing like that, and an illegal weighted bat like that, the Temple of Mars’s star hitter could have put the ball in orbit.
“Yep.”
“She got the Shrinemaidens of Aphrodite kicked out of the softball slowpitch league with that pitch.”
“No, no, no, they were just going to eject Beulah and Big Kate from the game. It was spitting tobacco juice on the umpire’s shoes that got us kicked.”
“Irresponsible! She could have killed someone with a fastball like that.”
“Kate could have killed someone just by hitting a normal pitch off her depleted uranium filled bat,” I insisted. “Remember, we had Mike on first? He’s a good kid, but not too fast moving. If she’d beaned him with a line-drive, Nelly and little Nella woulda been on their own.”
“I’m just guessing here,” Twilight said, “but is softball a nominally more casual form of stick ball?”
“Assuming stick ball is like the game we call baseball, yes, a little more casual,” Isha said, “At least when you don’t have Grandma Revenant facing off with the Augmented Atomic Amazon. Turn here.”
—
“Uh, where’s the boundary?”
Twilight had taken my account of Gloam’s scientific sartorial sundering and didn’t plan to walk in her daughter’s footsteps. I was looking forward to seeing Twilight naked, but maybe not by the destruction of her clothes.
“Edge of the grass,” Isha said. “The cement is safe.”
Twilight began awkwardly removing her borrowed human attire even as Isha slipped out of her own garments as effortlessly as if they were simply falling off her body.
Captivated by Isha’s grace and curves, I paused my own stripping. Much as I yearned to return to Ponyville, I was definitely going to miss that—
She was naked now and stepping into the shrine, Twilight only a moment behind her.
Hurrying, last, I stowed my clothes neatly and swept Twilight’s off of the ground to tuck them in the next cubby over. And then despite the pang between my legs I was springing into the sacred, leaving grey garments behind, leaving the grey touch of the concrete to imbibe the living greenth of the grass with my bare feet.
“I’d like to pray,” Twilight said. “Is there anything I need to know? Rules?”
“The altar’s over there—” Isha pointed “—do not venture through the stone doorway unless Aphrodite calls you. And if she calls, do not deny her.”
I stepped to my husband’s side and she put her hand on my shoulder.
“I’d like to pray alone, dear.”
I smiled and she strode away towards the front of the sanctuary, where she stood before the altar.
“I can take care of you while Twilight is praying.”
Panic and lust flared in twin fires and I stumbled slightly as my gaze flitted to Twilight’s back.
“Isha— I—”
“Not that , you goof. I meant healing. You got quite the stretching, I can tell it’s hurting you, but ‘by the grace of the goddess, I bring healing’. We can have you back in the saddle tomorrow. Lie down and close your eyes.”
“Thank you,” I said as I obeyed, stretching out on the luxuriant grass. The last thing I saw was a lone block of marble, Twilight no longer poised before it. “But I could probably, you know, just this once.”
Her refusal was unnecessary to voice. I knew the risks of self-healing with this power, the outcome of a feedback loop had been drilled into me before she taught me anything that could possibly create such a loop.
“I was just trying to make it easier for you,” I said lamely.
“I know. Allow me two minutes to clear my mind.”
I waited, counting just over a hundred heartbeats before she knelt beside me and spoke again.
“I will be limiting myself to external contact, else I will lose my self control.”
How perfectly the palm of her hand fit the curve of my pubic mound. Already magic was gathering, and with it holy, irrefusable, arousal. Warmth and comfort suffused my nethers, with days of recovery for my delightfully over-filled channel compressed into little more than five minutes.
Isha’s murmured prayers drew to a close.
“That pony dick did a number on you last night,” she said.
But now, as healing power flowed through me, I was edging on a divine orgasm.
“Fuck yeah.”
I wasn’t sure if I was agreeing with Isha or responding to the mystic interaction.
“I’m gonna—”
“Focus on Twilight.” If there was a slight catch in her voice, I was too close to climax to worry about it. “Remember what it’s like to be a mare and be able to safely accommodate a dick like that.”
In my mind’s eye I could see Twilight, as a stallion. Every bit as captivating as her mare form, but stronger, bolder. It was only imagination, but her deep purple eyes sparkled with lust and approval as she watched Isha and me making—
I was twining my fingers in the grass and I had lost the battle to resist pushing my hips up to grind myself against Isha’s hand. She denied me any further physical stimulation, but magic was enough and I silently peaked beneath her ministering touch.
When the endless intensity passed, my rigid body gradually relaxed and I was ready to melt into the lawn. I was too relaxed to flex my pelvic muscles to see if the ache which had accompanied me through the day –a physical reminder of just how much fun we had had last night– was gone. Faith told me that I was healed, and that was enough. Unfortunately, the ending of the process also meant the removal of Isha’s comfortable touch.
I could have seized her then, grabbed her fingers and raked them between my labia. I knew that if she touched the fire burning in my sex, felt the wetness of me, ran her fingertips across the yearning adamant of my clitoris, she would be unable to resist and she would be mine. Despite the climax which still echoed in my flesh, I hungered for more and the desire to posses her sang a guilty temptation in my heart. I’ll never know if it was some last vestige of self control, or merely languor, which saved us.
Instead I moaned a weak protest, which she ignored.
“No penetration tonight, but tomorrow should be fine. Got that?”
I was too limp to nod.
“Yes, priestess,” Twilight said, “we understand.”
Before I could wonder how much Twilight had seen, Bear’s voice sounded from the safe zone.
“I hate to spoil your afterglow, but we’re going to be late getting Gloam from school.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
After school, Gloam decided that we should all have a tea party together – and she would prepare it all by herself because she was a big girl. Every sound from the kitchen, I was ready to jump up and run to her rescue. Twilight and Isha, sitting on either side, prevented me.
Eventually, and uninjured, Gloam emerged.
“Dad, can you carry the tray?”
As soon as Twilight followed Gloam back into the kitchen I whispered to Isha, “How much did Twi’ see? While you—”
“No idea,” she chuckled. “I shut my eyes while I was doing my deep breathing and didn’t open them until you sprang to your feet to drag us all out of the shrine by our ears!”
Our departure might have been somewhat precipitous, but I did get us to school on time.
“So maybe the whole time?” I wondered.
“I’m not worried,” she said with calm amusement. “We did nothing to earn your husband’s disapproval.”
Let her smile with ineffable humor, she had no idea what sultry thoughts had flitted through my heart as she healed me. I’d like to see how wise and mysterious she could be with my face between her legs and two fingers—
Shit.
I was doing it again.
Before I could confess my sinful fantasies anent Isha’s sanctity, tea arrived.
Carefully Twilight set the tray down and Gloam began to pour cups for everyone.
“Hey, mom, why’s your alligator stick in the kitchen?”
“Uh—” I panicked for a moment “—I was showing your father some terrestrial technology.” That was true-ish, in a technical kind of way. I’m sure Twilight witnessed the effect of said device, ‘though she might have been distracted by, say, my rear end.
Please, please, please, tell me I washed it I thought desperately.
“I washed it,” Isha mouthed the words silently, laughter still sparkling in her vibrant eyes.
—
Somehow we ended up discussing fashion that evening, after Gloam’s lights-out.
“Nothing, Twilight, its just your outfit its so… never mind. I’m sorry.”
“It’s so what, Isha?
“It’s so six years ago. I’m sorry, that was a jerky thing to bring up. I’m not stylish enough to be critical. I don’t care what, or if, you wear, and I apologize for that slip of manners.”
“I don’t mind, no offense, I just don’t understand. I’m hardly a fashion statement my world, but how can you even tell? We’re all wearing the same colour.”
“Well, not really,” Isha disagreed, “look at our sleeves side by side.”
She placed her arm next to Twilight’s – due to a random lab accident Isha had replaced her favorite top and just happened to be wearing the newest state-of-the-dye-art thing in a very exclusive shade of grey, the designer garment subtily advertising the eye-catching attractions of her upper body. The top formed a coordinating contrast with her trousers, whose grey hadn’t been in fashion since last season, but which wrapped themselves very nicely around the attractions of her lower body.
Twilight compared the two garments, uncomprehending, and then shook her head.
“I can’t tell the difference. Tanna are these clothes really dated?”
“That’s definitely a twenty six twelve-ish colour,” I estimated. What year was it that I stopped wearing pants in favor of skirts for a few years? Twilight was wearing neglected articles dating from from before that shift.
“But… it’s… all… just… grey?”
I threw my arms around her from behind and hugged her affectionately, pressing my breasts against her back. “Twilight, this is a grey life here in the city. Trust us, we know our greys. I’d offer to update your wardrobe but I hope we aren’t here long enough for it to matter.”
“I don’t need to be a fashionista; where your days are drab, let your nights sparkle!”
“I want lots of Sparkle in my night,” I said, reaching around and pawing at the front of her pants.
“Good night , you two!” Isha pushed us towards our bedroom.
A moment later the door opened again.
“And take your ‘alligator stick’ too!” Isha set the vibrator on the doorside table, turned the sound dampening to max, and closed the door.
—
Twilight found me devouring her lilac flesh with my eyes as she undressed.
“Hey, so now that you’ve tried it both ways what do you like better? Pony cock or human cock?”
“Hmmmmm,” I drew out my reply to tease, “definitely…”
Twilight perked up her pony ears to hear my reply. So cute!
“Definitely Twilight cock.”
Twilight grinned. With her hand cupped under her scrotum she adjusted her entire package, balls and stiffening cock, for better display and thrust her hips forward.
“I just happen to have some right here, and it’s all yours.”
“I guess I’m still on medical hiatus downstairs, so you’ll have to make do with my mouth tonight.”
“Or I can just wait,” she said earnestly.
“But I can’t,” I grinned as I stalked her.
Twilight backed away – mayhap my toothy grin was a tad menacing, considering that I fully intended to put those same teeth close to her most tender bits.
She retreated until she could no further. I had her trapped against the bed and leaned in to kiss her. My flashing teeth might have made her nervous, but not her cock. It stood proudly, poking me in the belly as we kissed. I undressed without breaking the contact.
Longer we kissed, until I pulled back and asked, “dost thou require thy scepter polished, my lord?”
Slipping to my knees, I fawned on her cock, rubbing my face along it.
“Yes,” she said, finding her words at last, “yes please, please polish my yearning scepter with your sweet lips, O my bride.”
I ducked my head low and brought it up again with her dick draped across my face.
“As you will, so mote it be.”
I let the rounded head of her dick –so different than the pony dick of last night– slide down my face until it reached my pursed lips and then massaged the dome of her glans, wrapping my loveful kisses around the most sensitive parts. As joyous as it would be to get her off like this, I needed a good fucking. If my mouth was the target of choice tonight (Isha never said not to indulge in more butt stuff, but I decided I liked this better) I wanted to take her deep. I did.
After a time, I pulled my mouth off of her hardness, I licked and sucked my index and middle fingers as she watched, curious. I had a mouthful of thick, slippery, saliva triggered by her cock rubbing on the back of my throat; when my extended fingers were liberally lubricated I raised my eyes to Twilight’s. I put a question in my gaze as I gestured upward with moistened fingers.
Twilight’s eyes widened, but without a word she moved her feet slightly further apart to improve access.
“Tell me something you’ve never told anypony before,” I said as I placed my two fingertips gently against her anus. I synchronized the action with the return of my tongue to her dick. I started with a careful circular massage, round and round, fingers behind her, and tongue before. Slowly I entered her with my fingers and slowly I took her cock back inside my mouth.
“L– like what?” she asked as I worked on her with gentle thrusts, shallow sucks.
I drew back, without stopping my fingers.
“What were you dreaming, that morning we had breakfast at Fluttershy’s cottage?”
“Huh? Oh, that. I dreamed I was a filly again and—” I resumed sucking, momentarily overloading her speech centres “—yeah, like that, buck yeah. Anyway, when I was a pre-teen I masturbated exactly one time. And my mother caught me.”
By now my fingers were sliding in and out as far as the second knuckle; in time with this motion I was taking half of her cock into my mouth.
“She wasn’t trying to invade my privacy, but I was caught up in it, and she didn’t realize what she was seeing at first. Once she realized, she tried to leave without saying anything, but just as I was cooling down after coming I saw her.”
The pleasure I brought her made her wobble, pushing her dick further towards my throat. Instead of pulling back, I pushed forward, demanding her entire magnitude. When she tried to withdraw to allow me to breath, I used the leverage of the hand between her legs to deny the attempt, humping her groin with my face and driving my fingers repeatedly all the way in.
“So I was dreaming about that, and trying to pretend that I was just scratching my leg or something even when we both knew I was busted. Two days later I had my physical, got my shots, and never masturbated again until just before I met you.”
Not good – she sounded bitter about what had happened and I didn’t want to spoil a perfectly good blowjob for her.
Hoping to get her mind back on positive subjects, I detached from her cock long enough to ask, “but was it a good clop?” and let my thoughts wander to magic.
“It was bucking great.”
If my touch now carried more than mere physical stimulus, well, she need never know and I would be the one bearing the burden of extra volume she would produce. There could be no holding back, I needed her orgasm in my mouth now. My hunger roused her lust to greater energy and with the first taste of pre-come I realized that Aphrodite had willed it that Twilight would bear a divine burden of virility tonight. I was in for a heckuva ride. Twilight slid one foot back to steady herself, placed her hands on the back of my head, and began fucking my mouth in earnest.
“Mmm hmm?” I asked, mouth still full of dick, and expecting that her only answer would come in liquid form.
When she exhaled hoarsely and I knew it was time to receive the seminal blessing I longed for. Her orgasm flooded my ready mouth. Hot. Musky. A touch of salty-sweet. A clinging, indescribable, afterage at the back of my throat. And far more of it than I would have expected without magic in play. It wasn’t the flavour that made it delicious, it was the passion in Twilight’s groans of pleasure, the sexual energy flowing between us, the pure animal abandon as she slammed her hips towards my face that combined to make the taste as compelling as anything I could imagine and I treasured it greedily.
“But nowhere near as good as this.”
When her cock stopped throbbing and her hands fell to her side I kept the tip of my tongue pressed against the underside of her still-taut glans, massaging the sweet spot and catching the totality of her hot gift.
I still had two fingers up her butt, jammed their full length inside; carefully I massaged the smooth bulge of her prostate, a trickle of power still flowing through my touch, sustaining her pleasure even after the supernaturally enhanced ejaculation had finished. With my other hand I began rubbing forward from her scrotum, pressing along the centerline of her body, following the path of her urethra to express the remnants of her come towards my waiting mouth. Her cock had already it had lost some of its rigidity, I squeezed it like a cow's teat milking every delightful drop of her luscious liquid love. My ass had drained her reserves this morning, but the passage of time and whatever blessing the goddess had bestowed, she had produced generously since then and now it was all pooled at the back of my throat. With my mouth wide open I met Twilight’s gaze, and began to gargle sticky white semen.
“Oh, Em, Cee, Tanna you are unstoppable!”
I ran my tongue around my lips luxuriously, swallowed, and smiled with broad contentment.
“Un. Bucking. Stoppable.” She smiled back… as she wobbled I withdrew my penetrating fingers. Like a falling tree Twilight collapsed on the bed. After blowing a wad like that I expected her to be unconscious before she hit the sheets.
To my surprise, she wasn’t done.
“Climb up here and ride my face, beautiful. I’ll be careful.”
“I need to go wash my hand. I thought you were going to pass out.”
“Buck that, I need a face full of pussy now unless you’re still too sore. Wipe your hands on the sheets I’ll change the bedding when we’re done.”
Still I hesitated – I really needed to wash up.
“Please,” Twilight begged, “please come for me, beloved. Ride my face and come .”
My knees weakened at the sound of desire in her voice. How could Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, princess and mage, the pony I loved more than life itself, be so eager for my pleasure? Once again I would surrender to her.
I crawled onto the bed to position myself over her face.
“After that,” she said, continuing her story as I navigated myself above her, “I couldn’t help but notice that our house experienced an unnecessary influx of conveniently sized, safely smooth, cylindrical objects. My poor mother, doing her best.”
Twilight chuckled at the memory, and I was ready.
“Slow?” she asked, with a wry smile.
Eyes wide, I shook my head.
“Nuhn-uh.”
“Good girl.”
Her smile broadened. Firmly grasping my hips, she pulled my sex down to her hungry kiss.
Lip to lip, her mouth and my lower smile, I shook and rocked. Twilight’s oral stamina was unabated despite the length of time I had spent soaring upon her mouth.
With her hands lustfully roaming my body, with her tongue exquisitely wrestling with my clitoris, I ground my pleasure against Twilight’s face, slowly, refusing to peak too soon. When I knew I could not hold off much longer, I opened my eyes. Looking down at her over the dark skin of my mound, past the narrow damp forest of my pubic tangles, I found her gaze full of eagerness. I was closer than close and the sexual joy she drew from my passion pushed me over. Her eyes sparkled as she watched mine cross.
I buried my fingers in her hair and rode the orgasm across endless dreams.
The climax was timeless, a small eternity of pleasure, soaring beyond the fabric of space. Only the sense of long exertion in my legs muscles gave any clue how long I had been kneeling like this.
Eventually my brain re-discovered the concept of language.
“Oh, buck, Twi, are you okay down there? Have I been letting you breathe enough?”
“Rrmmf mmmmf great” was her muffled reply as I raised myself up. Her eyes were bright and happy, her face soaked with the bounty of my orgasm.
“Good, I was afraid I might smother you. Also, you’re really going to need to wash your hair.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“This doesn’t even make sense,” Twilight said.
I woke in the early morning, long before time to get up. The sheets were clean, Twilight was showered, and now she sprawled across me, sucking my left nipple, grinding her erection on my leg.
“Less talk,” I said, “more suck. You can alternate sides since you only have one mouth.”
“It doesn’t make sense,” she continued between sucks, “that I even know what to do with boobs. Breasts are not part of the sexual experience for ponies. As you know.”
I did know that. Going after a mare’s teats during sex would probably get a lover kicked.
She raised herself up, still squeezing boobs, tweaking both my nipples with fingertips, but her sweet lips were no longer on me.
“Why do I like your tits so much?” Twilight sounded truly baffled.
Fully awake now, I slid away from her, to the middle of the bed. I could explain my ideas about a meta-framework of magic and the vast array of subsidiary assumptions that are invisibly incorporated in shape shifting magic. Change from pony to human, I theorized, and who could say how your pony personality might map onto a human psyche. I could delve into the possibility that pony sexuality, magically transformed, could easily encompass human traits that did not exist in pony life.
Or I could give her a practical demonstration of the effects.
“Let me show you something,” I said, “get on your knees and straddle me.”
My breasts aren’t large, a comfortable a-cup when I can be bothered to put a bra on. But when I squeezed them together—
“Here, Twi, slide your cock in between them.”
“Why—” she started to ask. “Oh! That’s nice.”
I released my squeezing hands and guided Twilight’s hands to take their places.
“You can adjust the—”
She squashed my boobs tightly around her cock, unneeding of any further explanation.
Chin down so I could see the action, I watched her, she was enjoying my cleavage, sliding between my breasts.
“It’s called titty fucking, Twilight.”
I kissed her dick head at the top of a stroke and she groaned an acknowledgment.
“Titty fucking! Titty fucking! Titty, titty, titty fucking!” I repeated, oddly pleased by the childishness of my words. “I want you to fuck my titties until you come!”
I don’t think Twilight heard a word I was saying at this point. She was too busy titty fucking. Titty fucking me .
“Why didn’t we ever do this when I was the human mare? This is bucking great!”
“I’m glad you approve.”
“You’re going to be wearing my approval in about three, two, one—”
I grinned and gave her a double thumbs-up as she came all over me, semen splashing my neck and chest.
One droplet landed on my lip and I waited until I could make eye contact with Twilight before delicately licking the trace of musky sweetness.
—
After a quick clean up (I chucked the empty tissue box at the trash receptacle, knowing that more would be ordered without any further action on my part) it was still a full hour before the alarmer would sound its battle cry, so Twilight and I lay down again.
“Little nap, before we gotta get up?”
Twilight, spooned up behind me, clamped a hand onto my pubic mound.
“That would be, ‘no’,” she said.
“Are you ready, already, or are you gonna blow me?”
“I feel like I shouldn’t be ready to go again so quickly, but I am.”
“Whatever Aphrodite spoke to you about, it’s none of my business. But I know from reports from several ladies, that the effects on a guy after a visitation can linger .”
I rocked onto my back so I could reach Twilight’s crotch. Definitely lingering, she was almost hard again despite anointing my chest so recently.
We didn’t have a lot of time before the day would start, but we didn’t rush things, lying side by side, feeling each other up. Slowly I stroked my hand along her rigid cock, and there was something very luxurious in the silky sensation as her fingers traced their way up and down the bare skin on either side of my narrow landing strip.
She broke the kiss to ask, “when you changed your body, why didn’t you get rid of all the extra hair?”
Her finger dove into the depths of said hair in search of ever more nerve endings to excite.
“I may act immature, but I don’t want to look under age. I’ve got small boobs, perfectly smooth pits, if I didn’t have at least a little pubic hair I’d look like a little girl.”
“Good point, you should keep your age of consent fuzz.”
“…” I said as her fingers entered me.
“What’s that? Feeling okay?”
“Dick.”
“Are you calling me names, or making a request?”
“Dick, now,” I insisted and she relented from teasing me.
My legs parted as Twilight scrambled to mount. With a kiss she sealed my lips and used one hand to guide herself in. As her turgid pleasure poker stirred my steaming lust I realized that with would our first time doing it plain vanilla style in our reversed genders. And with vanilla like this, I couldn't complain. Before I could give the matter much thought, her hips were hammering against mine, her hardness finding its home deep within me.
“Oh fuck, yeah, Twilight, fuck me.”
“I am, if you’ll pay attention.”
What a smart ass. I should have jerked her cock until she was as desperate as I was.
A moment later, “I’m sorry my pony dick roughed you up.”
“I’m not sorry, it was fucking wonderful.”
“So wonderful that you needed magical healing?”
“That just saved time. I would have been fine in a couple days anyways. How much of healing did you see?”
“All of it, I think. I got there just as Isha knelt and lay her hand on you. I didn’t even notice, at first, that her eyes were closed.”
“You saw…?”
“Saw you come for her? It was really hot. I’d love to watch you two get it on for real.”
Mmmm.
Or, “what if I watched you fuck Isha, just like this?” I asked.
“Oh, Tanna!”
It was a smoldering fantasy, imagining my husband filling Isha with this passion, and my climax arrived only slightly after Twilight’s.
Then my pleasure was fading, and in my wanton dream, Isha reach out plaintively for me…
—
“Twilight totally gave me a pearl necklace this morning,” I bragged to Isha later in the day. “And then we banged.”
“I didn’t think you were much into jewelry,” Isha said absently before she noticed my cheese eating grin. “Oh! You twerp!” she cried and jumped up. “I’ll spank you just like I spanked Gloam when she peppered my underwear drawer!”
“Kitchen is safe zone!” I cried, dashing towards the illusion of safety.
The ‘safe zone ploy’ never worked for Gloam either – Isha grabbed me in a headlock and dragged me to the sofa.
“Dammit, Isha, you can’t spank me, I’m old enough to be a grownup!”
She had flung me over her lap and was wrestling my shorts down.
“A real grownup does not wave her freshly dicked pussy under her virgin girlfriend’s nose while bragging about getting so much dick she’s even resorting to outercourse!”
With a tug, my shorts and panties were around my knees and she gave my bare ass a loud slap.
Smack!
Isha wasn’t faking it, this stung .
Smack!
Twilight emerged from the bedroom. She stopped and stared when she saw Isha and me.
Smack!
“Uhhhhm, don’t stop on my account. But I’m gonna watch.”
Smack!
Something was happening.
Smack!
The front of Twilight’s pants were visibly tenting out.
Smack!
I was helpless in Isha’s strong grasp, but here was no fear, no danger. My buttocks stung from the skin reddening swats. Twilight’s eyes were full of lust. A flush up heat rose up in me as these factors combined. Somewhere, in an hitherto-now unexplored region of my libido something new happened: it was like adding one plus one plus one and getting blinking florescent black as the answer rather than the more expected tertiarity. In an utterly novel combination I found the strange mathematics of: helpless + pain + Twilight watching = climax. The unexpected nearness to orgasm hit me like a freight lifter.
“OooooOOOooooh! I’m gonna come Twilight get your dick in me now!”
She didn’t hesitate. With my backside exposed and her cock grown hard, she unzipped and threw herself at me. Ripping my shorts the rest of the way off, she was on me, and in me, before I could even climb down from Isha’s lap.
“What the fuck you two?” Isha demanded as we ignored her, “I am not sex furniture!”
Like it or not, she was gonna be sex furniture, with me sprawled across her lap and Twilight eagerly fucking me. My pleasure spiked, plateaued, and relaxed as sudden and unexpected as it had appeared. Out of breath, I panted as Twilight fucked me, enjoying the remnants of my pleasure, anticipating hers. Isha was not the most comfortable surface to support me while being fucked, but I joyed in Twilight’s enthusiasm as she filled me.
“I love you,” Twilight murmured as she cuddled against my back. She sounded ready to sleep again; I’d need to get her up before we got our sex mess on our impromptu hostess.
“Oh I like to watch, alright, but this is outragi–” Isha’s complaint was cut off mid-word. I twisted around to look at her; she stared blankly into space, jaw hanging slack.
“Twi! Get up, get up,” I said, “something’s wrong.”
Twilight rolled off of me, clumsy with her pants around her knees, landing on the floor. As I held Isha’s shoulders, her eyes gradually returned to focus and filled with tears.
“Oh sweet Aphrodite. You two are so beautiful together. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Isha sobbed.
I had turned to face her, straddling her lap, too worried about her to spare a thought for my moist pantslessness.
“What happened, Isha? Are you okay?” I held her tight, desperate for confirmation of her well being.
“There is a ritual,” she said, “where the supplicants make love before the priestess. They anoint her with their mixed fluids and she can scry something of their future together. I’ve never performed it. Before now.”
“What did you see?”
“The goddess, I saw Aphrodite’s face. She told me that if I defy her, I am no longer her priestess. That wasn’t enough to deter me. She also says that I must wait for ‘even better’ or I will ruin everything for you both.”
Isha squeezed me tighter, weeping into my bosom, finding comfort between my breasts.
“And that’s enough to stop me.”
“Isha…” I was on the verge of tears too, running my fingers through her hair.
“I would throw it all away, give my life even, to make love to you just once, Tanna, but I won’t jeopardize your happiness with the pony you love.”
“I’d do anything for you, except lose Twilight.”
“I know, babe. And you can brag about your crazy, sexy, exploits anytime you want. I’m happy for the two of you even if I can’t join.” She sniffled loudly, then mumbled, “Also your boobs smell like jizz, but I’m not letting go of you until I’m done crying.”
“Will you two sad sacks cheer up?” Twilight demanded. “We all need to be strong so Isha can find this ‘even better’ that Aphrodite herself swears by.”
“Yeah!” I tried to put a brave face on. “And once she has fulfilled the command, you and me can swing with Isha, and her ‘even better’!”
Twilight and Isha made eye contact and nodded.
“What?” I asked. “Hey, what are you two do—”
This time Isha held me down while Twilight spanked.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Another day had passed since Twilight had spared enough power to take a demi-human body. She had stayed male, and I was okay with that – very, very , okay. I certainly had no desire to resume a male human body. After my years in the form of a woman it seemed natural to limit my masculine side to my pony stallion form. Or maybe even say goodbye to it forever, if my beloved would agree.
In the mean time, we would enjoy a quiet, uneventful, domestic life as we waited for her power to recharge enough to take the three of us home to Equestria.
—
Gloam kissed me goodnight and scampered off to bed to sleep.
I nudged Twilight to suggest that we scamper to our own bed. Sleep, of course, was another matter altogether.
She stood, but instead of leading the way to our chamber of restless and deranged fucking, she stepped next to Isha and took her hands.
“Will you come to bed with us? You can watch us make love and touch yourself. We’ll all try to come together and still obey the hard command of your goddess.”
Isha smiled hugely, warmth suffusing her face.
“That’s so kind of you Twilight, I appreciate it, I really do. But if I am commanded to get over Tanna, fulfilling only the letter of the command, while brazenly molesting the spirit of it, is not going to help. Thank you, but I must decline.”
“Alright, but take care of yourself; I mean that both euphemistically and literally. Tanna and I care about you.”
“Whether I touch myself thinking about you two is another matter. Fuck Tanna real good for me, okay Twilight?”
“Got it!” my princess said.
I grinned with anticipation.
—
It was unreal to imagine us together any other way. Despite memories which I knew were factual, this joyous configuration with her as the penetrating partner, and me the receptive, was more satisfactory, more real. Missionary position benefited from our matched sizes; just as well as when our genders were the opposite, our flesh mated perfectly, groin to groin and lip to lip.
Her lips had wandered from mine to tug gently at my ear.
“So did you ever get your mother,” I murmured in hers, “to stop planting potential improvised dildos around your house?”
I might have improvised a time one or two in the years we had spent apart, but there was no need for Twilight to know about my extensive collection of sex toys.
“Unf, yes,” she kissed her way down the side of my face, under my chin, and up the other side; all this without missing a beat as she humped me. “It wasn’t easy. I couldn’t deny that I had that one clop, not when she caught me in the act. And I had no idea why I no longer had any urge to try it again. At first I thought it was just the embarrassment affecting me, but the impulse never came back.”
“I don’t understand.”
I wasn’t going to come this time, but that was fine. I might have rushed from foreplay, to doing the deed, a trifle early, throwing myself onto my back and spreading my legs for Twilight to mount me. Even without the promise of orgasm, getting fucked like this really rang my bell.
“Eh, I’ll explain that part someday.”
“Hmm?” But I wouldn’t press the question. “So, what about your mom?”
“I bought a real dildo. Not too obscenely detailed, not particularly large, and I let her ‘discover’ it hidden in the bottom of my underwear drawer. Gradually the big fat candles, the baskets of smooth-skinned cucumbers, and decorative wine bottles faded away.”
“Bless her for trying to take care of her Little Twilight.”
“Yeah. Even when I was embarrassed, I always knew she was doing her best for me, no matter how awkward it was for both of us. I’m gonna bust, are you—”
She was already accelerating for the final stretch and I interrupted her question, “no, just do it, I want you to.”
She did.
Undistracted by any climax of my own I could feel and enjoy every throb and twitch of her cock as she filled me with her heat and passion. Sweet Lady, this was delightful, and I relished the weight of Twilight on top of me, the tidal sway of her body rocked forward and back.
With a final groan of pleasure she stopped, fulfilled upon me.
Her completion pushed me across the line from passively enjoying being fucked to wanting –needing– more. The impact was sudden, too quick to verbalize. My hands, resting on her shoulders, tensed, fingernails now clawing at her.
Twilight’s cock was still hard, within me, and she correctly interpreted the scratching of her back as an imperative to resume fucking.
Again she did just as I asked and it was perfect. With her own climax behind her, she could focus on me, driving her dick firmly to maximum depth, pounding her hips down for to grind against my pubic mound. Lips locked on my neck, she sucked my skin against her teeth – I’d have bruising there tomorrow, but now it felt wonderful, one more ingredient in my building climax. Another hickie on my neck, another minute of her determined rhythm and I was floating away on bliss.
Time gelled, the bed rocked, and my awareness spun around my princess’s dick.
At last the universe slowed to a halt and I heard Twilight’s voice.
“Hmff?” she asked if I was done.
“Ahhhnn,” I agreed.
“I thought?” she panted still, amusement in her voice.
“Was wrong.”
So delightfully wrong.
Afterwards it was good to just lie next to her. Relaxed, comfortable, and sexually spent.
I stretched out luxuriously, expecting to melt into unconsciousness at Twilight’s side.
Something caught her attention; she sat up, leaned over me.
“What are the marks up and down your arms?” She asked, examining my scars. “They’ve changed a lot from before.”
Languor fled.
My stomach took the express elevator to the bottom floor and kept going. I was ready to hyperventilate or vomit, probably simultaneously with the obvious complications that would entail. I rolled away from her, curled up into a fetal ball.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” was all I could say as the tears started.
“Whats wrong, Tanna?”
“I did it. I’m so ashamed.”
I clamped my arms tight against my body, wishing I could hide the scars.
“Did what?”
“I cut myself. When I was alone and full of despair. Sometimes that was the only thing I could do to keep going.”
"I don't understand, why would you do that?"
"It's hard to talk about, there’s nothing I can say to make it make sense. Especially telling someone smart and logical like you about my stupid emotional bullshit. The pain on the outside helped distract me from the pain inside. The shame of the wounds, fear that somehuman might notice and report me helped me stay away from others. And the blood was just a reminder that i was really alive when I felt dead inside. I've lied so much about how hard it has been being separated from you. You are the one pony i want most to shield from the truth but i can't lie to you. I don’t want to talk about it but I can’t lie to you and I can’t shut you out."
“So these marks, these wounds and scars are really my doing?”
Twilight’s sadness surely cut more painful than my blade ever had.
"No, no, no, don't ever say that please don't ever think that. Its my fault for not being strong enough. If i was truly worthy of you i would be able to endure a lifetime even if I never saw you again just knowing that you had loved me once."
“It crushes me to know that my delay caused you so much sorrow. You must have bucking hated me at times.”
“Not even for a second - you had no idea about the difference in time flow. Even when I was so close to giving up, I still loved you. I hated myself for not being good enough.”
“That doesn’t sound healthy. And these wounds reinforce the self loath?”
“I guess. But a few scars on my forelegs are a small price to pay for staying alive to see you again. The pain was worth it to be with you right now.”
“Staying alive? Has it been so bad that life itself was in question?”
“Yes.”
“Did you…” she hesitated, “actually try to kill yourself?”
“Only before we met and one other time, almost. It’s been bad, but not quite that bad while I waited for you. The one time I was just giving up, the universe dropped a spaceship on me. And—”
She cut me off before I could confess something even worse.
“I would have rather you had had sex with Isha than hurt yourself. I would rather lose you to her, than lose you to suicide.”
“I haven’t cut at all since meeting her, she’s helped me so much, and I can’t give her what she really wants.”
“You know she loves you, right? She’s not just hot for your body.”
“I know that.”
“Of course I can’t blame her for being hot for your body, too . But don’t worry, we’ll help her find her ‘even better’. I’m pretty alarmed that you don’t have access to mental health care that could have helped you avoid the self harm.”
“It exists, but I couldn’t risk it, so I was on my own.”
“How is it a risk to get help coping?”
“Dearest Twilight, my world is not a bucolic game of chess played by a tea swilling god-queen. There’s no pill here to bring you back to me, but there is one to make me forget you.”
“But I know you would never really stop loving me. Even if you had slept with Isha, even if you married her. You wouldn’t forget.”
“They have engram targeted neural antibodies. They could dissolve the part of my brain that knows who you are. All it takes is one social worker to refer me for involuntary treatment for being obsessive.”
“Tartarus! Your world is ruinous beyond measure.”
“This is the world of Moloch, Princess. I should have told you about my kind sooner. To riff on the words of another age:
Moloch the gleaming pit of progress!
Moloch of sufficiently advanced technology!
Moloch who imposes sanity!
Eating our brains until we forget that we are not happy!
Moloch! Moloch! Disembodied in our bodies!”
I improvised, half daring the ghost of a forgotten poet to rise and smite me.
“Who or what is Moloch?”
“A demon from our early history, a shameful memory, a metaphor. He is who humans are when we are together. Still wanna take me home to meet your parents?”
“Damn right I do. And if Moloch has anything to say about it, I’ll rip his balls off and stuff them up his ass.”
The thought of one small princess violently castrating the single unifying purpose of all human history was too funny to contain: I laughed, and laughed, and sobbed.
“Hold me Twilight. For a moment there I was ready to give up on myself.”
“I could tell. I’ve got you now, and I know you’ll have my back when I need you.”
In her arms, I was starting to breathe right again.
“Count on it. Just as long as we don’t ever freak out at the same time. I don’t know if ponies even get bucked up issues like me. Especially smart sexy ponies like you.”
“Tanna, I’m not perfect either.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
While Twilight dozed after our heavy conversation, I slipped from bed and crept to the spare room where I discretely kept my personal collection of magical tomes.
It was time to test a spell that had failed me many times. My most recent attempt, that failure had felt different. That time I had grabbed threads of deeper power and pushed . I failed, but moments later, on the very edge of too late, Twilight had appeared.
Taking a deep breath, I faced the wall and spread my arms. There was a glimmer of magic and I could see the interior of my hidden workroom in Ponyville Castle.
Ah-ha!
There was nothing wrong with my magic all along – Princess Celestia’s barrier had blocked me, just as it once blocked Twilight. Now that Twilight had broached the barrier with her incredible ability, I, too, was no longer hindered. And I had confirmed my theory that the portal between universes to Equestria was fundamentally different than the same-universe magic I used to reach Gallop: I was not subject to the inexplicable three day cooldown that would have stopped me from re-opening the Gallop portal so soon.
Without delay I pushed abook laden cart through the portal. I had loaded it with my most esoteric volumes, copies of lore from the earliest days of human and prehuman magic. A very specialized collection, indeed, utterly unique. Over the years, I had abused library access to transcribe my own complete set of the most arcane volumes known to man. Hand copying the ancient texts like a mad medieval monk in a monastery I had reproduced every word onto sheets of nigh indestructible cellulose. My tubular metal pens held immalleable ink able to permanently record dark lore on such eternal pages. Protective metal covers latched tight and ensured that my distinctive printing would remain legible for unknowable hundreds of centuries. They would wait for me in Equestria where nopony could find them.
As the portal closed I chuckled. All these years, pounding my head on this spell, blaming myself without realizing that I had been trying in vain to overpower Celestia’s own magic. It was no wonder I had failed where Twilight had needed to exert her full strength to succeed.
Quietly I returned to bed, seeking my drowsy husband’s cock.
—
When I slid between the sheets I found that Twilight had rolled onto her back – perfect for my next move. Stealthily I straddled her legs below the knees and lowered my face to her cock. Without waking my princess, I slurped her limp dick into my mouth and began sucking as it grew. Whether fellatio or irrumatio, taking a hard member in the mouth is hot. But taking it soft, and feeling it swell to its full glory inside my mouth, was another level of satisfaction. I didn’t just find her all hard and erect, I got her hard. As her cock sprang to full wakefulness, so did she emerge from her slumber.
“Tanna, what are you doing?”
I wasn’t going to let go of her dick to answer – surely she’d figure out on her own soon.
“What time is it?”
This time I paused from assaulting her dick head with the back of my throat to come up for air, and to answer.
“It is time to fuck my mouth, my beloved, mouthfucking, Princess.”
I returned my mouth to her cock as if it were my salvation. Really it might be. I needed to get off this planet, and if my theory were correct—
Fuck me and fuck my theory, lust swept over me and her cock in my mouth was the universe, was the driving purpose of creation and I needed her come, the fire of her sex. I didn’t need to breath, I seemed to steal oxygen directly from her bloodstream as she panted for both of us. I missed any warning her body tried to give me and suddenly my mouth was awash with the luxurious heat of her orgasm. Refusing to relinquish my hold, I swallowed every drop without ceasing to lavish my attention on her twitching member. I had a vague memory that the head would be super sensitive after climax, but I would not be displaced as she writhed beneath me. Only as her cock returned to the soft state where I had found it did I raise my head and draw a gasping breath before collapsing.
The fire down below had beckoned throughout the act, but I never found the attention to spare to pleasure myself. Now I lay aquiver at her side, needing but too worn to do anything about it.
At least there was certain sense of accomplishment, having taken her full cycle from limp, to climax, and back again, almost uninterrupted in fellation.
“What was that about?” she asked, bemused and limp.
“I could be wrong, so this is just a suggestion, but last time you were on Terra, it seemed to help replenish your magic every time we had sex. I just want to try to get home to Equestria as soon as we can.”
“Hmmm.” Twilight’s attention faded as she introspected her internal magic energy level. “You could be right.”
“So I’ll just do that any time you can get it up until we can get out of here.”
“Don’t be crazy– I don’t want you to do it like that all the time. You could hurt yourself, taking me that deep in your throat so vigorously.”
“I’m sorry princess. I just want you to fuck me, to use me, until you have the power to take us home.”
“What about you?”
“Hmm?”
“What about your pleasure?”
“Optional. At least until we reach Equestria.”
“Nope, I am not going to allow myself to get into the habit of treating you like a sex object. I’m fine with your suggestion. Let’s make love often, let’s rut like overstimulated weasels, lets even make like real humans and fuck . It’s even okay if it’s one sided, one way or the other, sometimes. But I need your pleasure as much as my own. Besides, maybe it’s not my orgasm that boosts my power, maybe it’s yours. So we should have lots of those, too! Alright, sweetie?”
“Well,” I said, rocking my hips to present myself to her, “if you insist.”
Her dick might be limp as a noodle after the the oral attentions it had received, but I knew her fingers and tongue were very capable.
—
I was dozing again, worn out first from the stress of telling Twilight about my sins of the blade, and further from casting, and yet further from our following interactions. Even half asleep, I felt her move before she put her hand on my shoulder.
“Wake up, Tanna,” she said. “I need to talk to you.”
“What is it, dear? What do you want to talk about?”
This was obviously not going to be a restful night.
“Foals,” she said. She seemed to have reached some decision while I slept.
“Oh, I already told your mother that I draw the line at eight, though in I suppose I could entertain your arguments for more. Do you want me to bear them, or will you? Are you going to put another baby in me, my Prince?”
I patted my belly, and gazed longingly at Twilight.
“You met my mother? When? No, that doesn’t matter. You aren’t fertile right now are you?”
“No,” I said, confused.
She had sounded alarmed. Why?
“But I could be in short order. I have enough Terrestrienne magic for that.”
“I’m sure mom loved your answer, but there’s something I’ve never told her.”
I sat up now, blinking the sleep from my eyes.
“I visited a seer, a few years ago. Not Fluttershy manifesting the goddess this time, this was a forbidden consultation.I traveled weeks and weeks to see it.” Twilight shuddered at some memory. “I can’t repeat most of what it told me. But one thing I have to tell you: my second foal will destroy Equestria. Which is why we must stop at only one.”
“Oh, Twi!” I threw my arms around her and wept.
“When I asked who the father would be, it laughed like a mad thing. Are you terribly disappointed?”
“I wanted to have a big family with you, our very own herd of foals. But not at the expense of everything you and I stand for.”
“That's a good girl.” She was patting my back. “Equestria over all. At least if I only get to have one, Gloam is an incredible filly.”
“Yes! I knew you would love her. And I promise you,” I said eagerly through my tears, “she’s such a hoofful of trouble that you’ll feel like we have a whole castle full of foals. Chaos ninja cookie-assassin foals!”
“I’m not sure if that is supposed to reassure me?”
“Maybe?” I closed my eyes, focused inward for the space of three breaths. “There. So long as I am the female member of Team Us, I won’t ovulate. How come you asked Gloam if she wanted to be a big sister?”
“I should not have said that, I was wrong to do so. In my defense, I had just had a bit of a surprise and I was not at my most rational. I’m really glad she didn’t leap at the idea.”
So was I. I had spent years hoping to bear more of Twilight’s foals. The loss of that possibility was an ache in my womb. But any threat to Equestria was anathema before which my maternal yearnings could not stand.
“Comfort me.”
I still hadn’t released Twilight from my embrace when I made the demand.
“Er, how?”
The movement of my hips answered her question.
Twilight started to release me. Presumably to move her hands to my breasts or groin, but, “Nuh– uh,” I mumbled. “Hold me.”
We were still side by side in bed, awkwardly twisted to embrace.
I flopped onto my back, pulling her after to sprawl across me. With a wiggle she was lined up with me; we lay diagonally across the bed without any concern for the linens.
Still holding her tight, I demanded her kiss before she could ask me what next. Her body figured out what next on its own. Her cock was still recovering from an epic blowjob, but I could feel it stiffening despite its recent success. When I thought she was hard enough to penetrate me, I rotated my pelvis, inviting her to do so. Her first attempt was too low and I pulled away as best I could from beneath her. Anal was not what I wanted this time. A second attempt, she missed my pussy and plowed her dick between my labia, almost ramming my clit. After avoiding what could have been a deal breaking party foul, she worked her way back down my slit, gentle penile feints searching for an opening. Too high. Too high. Just right.
Nope; a little to the side.
Twilight rocked her body to adjust the angle of her dangle and pushed again.
Any concern I harbored that demanding action without foreplay might have been a tactical blunder was obviated as she slid inside me. This was my purpose in the universe, to be a receptacle for Twilight Sparkle’s throbbing erection. As smooth as watered silk it pushed all the way home and I sighed, open mouthed, into her kiss.
Lip to lip, arms wrapt around each other, we continued our wordless fucking. Thought contracted down to the thrusts of her hips and the heat of our union.
Nine times nine strokes, the far eastern sex guide advises. I wasn’t in any condition to count, but it had to be at least a hundred and then I was coming again. Through the entire length of my orgasm, Twilight thrust remorselessly, no change to her rhythm. At some point my hands had migrated down her body – she was going to have a fine set of fingertip sized bruises on her ass cheeks and I was still pulling her into me with each thrust, wondering if she was close yet. It was like she was going to fuck me forever, and I found myself starting to arouse again. There was no way I’d be ready to come again so soon, but I was gasping as I drew towards another impossible peak.
Still surrounding me with her embrace, Twilight’s pace grew faster in response to my fevered breath. Harder, better, faster, stronger she pounded me and even though I knew I was not going to climax in time before she’d be done, I was okay with that, eager only for my princess, my husband, to reach his own pinnacle of pleasure. I could swear I felt her dick swell inside me and I knew she was on the verge of ejaculation.
I gave my lewdest moan and felt her entire body react.
Just when she was going to fill my hungry lust with the sperm I yearned for, she pulled slightly too far back on the out-stroke and her cock popped out of my pussy. Past the point of inevitability, there was no recovery and she thrust onward, grinding herself against me. Her twitching erection schlicked up and down my steaming cleft and the unexpected clitoral stimulation of her cock shaft rubbing across pushed me to climax just as her hot liquid love leapt forth.
Harder and harder still I pulled on her ass, holding our bodies together, sandwiching sweet seed between us.
I must have blacked out from pleasure. After some interval of discontinuity I returned to something like awareness. I was still beneath my lover, surrounded by her arms as she lay upon me.
“Oh, buck, that was hot, Tanna.”
Twilight seemed to’ve noticed that I wasn’t out any more.
“Thank you for fucking me, my lord Princess. I am somewhat comforted.”
“Should we, uh, go get cleaned up?”
“No, we should stay like this ‘till it dries between us like glue.”
Author's Note
Teaser for next week:
Twilight, Isha, and Tanna outline how their relationship as a triple might be structured if they found a way around Aphrodite's command, but one question has the potential to throw everything into chaos!
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Mommmmm!”
Gloam curled her lip in disapproval.
“You’ve got hickies all over your neck! Eww!”
I did, but I hadn’t expected her to call me out for it.
“Haven’t you ever heard of a turtleneck shirt?”
Before I could find my voice, Gloam touched my neck with two fingers, and again, and again.
“All better,” she said, as the warm tingling faded.
Suddenly Isha was no longer laughing at my discomfiture.
“How’d you do that?” she demanded of Gloam.
“Just like you and mom do. I’ve seen you both heal lots of people.”
“But how do you know how?”
“Just watching you both. Mom—” she turned to me “—is it a big deal?”
With a hand, Isha signaled me to hold silent. I was still too slack jawed at Gloam’s use of magic to say anything, not to mention slightly miffed to have my battle wounds removed without so much as a by-your-leave.
“It is dangerous, neophyte, if you don’t know what you’re doing. Tanna, I’ll walk your little prodigy to school and give her a brief safety lesson. You have a lot to learn before you ever do that again.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” I finally found my voice, “obey Isha, it’ll save your life.”
I kissed her cheek after she slipped her school pack on and she followed Isha out the door.
“What will save whose life?” Twilight asked as she stepped into the kitchen.
“Our daughter, dabbling in Terrestrienne magic without training. Needs to listen to Isha.”
“Sooner we get her home, the better. Magna Mare keep her safe until then!”
“Amen.”
—
Gloam and I got home from school to find Twilight reading on the sofa. Gloam ran off to do mysterious Gloamy things that certainly couldn’t end poorly, so I sat close to Twi and leaned against my truelove.
“Whatcha reading?”
“I didn’t know humans had a sutra book too,” she said, “these anthroform bodies sure are capable of a lot of variations. But then again many of the positions here are only trivially different. As far as I can tell the only difference between the ‘Reverse Cuneiform Blender’ and ‘Saving a Lost Chicken’ is the expression on the receptive partner’s face!”
“Uh, take a closer look at where the dick is going.”
“Oh. I see. Regardless, I could condense this whole book into a single educational poster with a hierarchical tree structure to organize it and colour codes for minor variations.”
“Aw, come on, look at that smile—” I pointed at the grin of the blissfully embuggered woman “—is that really such a minor variation?”
Twilight protested, “only about three centimetres apart,” waving a hand at me, and we shared a laugh.
“Once you get that poster made, we’ll work our way through the whole thing in a thorough and logical manner,” I kidded.
“Exactly,” Twilight grinned.
“So… anything you want to try later tonight? No holes bared.”
I mimicked her ‘three centimetres’ gesture.
“Well, actually I was thinking…”
Before I knew it, Twilight had pushed me over and sprawled beside me, kissing me. I stretched and tilted my chin up to give her good access to my neck and shoulders. She showered them with kisses as she ran her hands up my shirt to cup my breasts. I wore no brassiere that might slow down her access: the benefits of small breasts for the win! I slid my hand down to her crotch. Her cock was hard, straining against her pants. I kneaded it carefully, trying to work it into a more comfortable position for her. She acknowledged the improvement by sliding her leg between mine, pushing the edge of my skirt up.
“Do you think we could do it here without getting caught?” she asked.
All she’d have to do is unzip and twitch my exposed panties aside and she could be in me, in no time. That was maybe a little bit too much spectacle for the common area of the domicile.
“Let’s just move to the bedroom, lock the door, and put the sound suppression on max. No chance of getting caught that way. Not that anypony will have any doubts.”
Twilight pressed her argument in favor of ‘here and now’ by grinding her thigh against my groin.
Suddenly a loud squawk sounded from the bathroom. It wasn’t the sound of my daughter, but I could guess she was near to the source.
Gloam came thundering out, pursued by a naked, wet, and angry, Isha.
“You diminutive thermal terrorist!” Isha shouted as she ran.
Gloam sprang to the back of the sofa, jumped to grab the hanging roomlight, swung to perform un grand jeté over the coffee table and dropped to the floor to run for the kitchen. Isha lept over the sofa in a single bound like an Olympic hurdler. For a split second she soared over us, one leg forward the other behind. From where we snuggled on the sofa, Twilight and I had a perfect view upward at her vulva, lips parting and revealing a flash of pink.
“That just happened,” I said calmly after Isha landed and continued her pursuit.
“Isha has a nice body,” Twilight understated, but I didn’t notice any notice lessening of her attentions to mine. Similarly, my hand had returned to the front of her pants. At least I hadn’t made a play for the zipper yet. “You totally should have done her while I was stuck in Equestria. She told me about night dancing on Gallop.”
“I halfway regret that I didn’t. But Aphrodite probably would have told us not to.” With a twinge or guilt I thought of that night on Gallop. Aphrodite wasn’t there to stop us. “Anyway I’ve got you back now.”
As we spoke, I could hear the sound of Gloam skittering under the kitchen table to avoid pursuit. And it sounded like Isha was going over the table. Something crashed to the floor, but I didn’t hear breakage.
“Gotcha!” shouted Isha, but she must have spoken too soon because I could hear Gloam running again.
There was a sound of chairs falling and a split second later Gloam skidded around the corner – she dove under the coffee table.
Isha was only a step behind her and jumped onto the low table. She beat her chest in like Tarzan, but a little higher to avoid punching herself in the tits. Her bellow sounded more like an enraged cheetah than the Lord of the Apes, but it was effective. Gloam giggled hysterically under the table. Isha’s fist blows against her upper chest made her heavy breasts jiggle wildly.
“Boobies,” I said to Twilight.
“Boobies,” she agreed, still kneading mine, still rubbing.
“Now this is what I call primal chaos,” said Twilight, “All we need now is Discord.”
“Your wish is my command, Princess!” said Discord who was now sitting at the end of the sofa, crowding our feet. He had appeared as a well-dressed but piebald toned demi-human, complete with tail, discreet pairs of mismatched horns and wings, single exaggerated fang, and a stylish white chin beard.
“Now this is what I call entertainment,” he nodded at Isha’s jungle savage act.
Isha had not noticed that her audience had increased. Seeing Gloam’s foot sticking out from under the table behind her, she spun dropped to her knees with her rear pointing directly at us. Reaching over the edge she grabbed Gloam’s ankle and started hauling her out of the refuge.
“I’m going to tickle you so much!” she growled.
“Popcorn,” said Discord and snapped his fingers.
Nothing happened, except Isha finally noticed his presence.
“Shit!” said Isha and Discord in unison, for very different reasons.
It was too late to be discrete, so Isha brazened it out. Not that I was in any position to champion feminine modesty: Twilight’s hands were still inside my shirt idly squeezing as she took in the show. I had attempted to fix my skirt when Discord appeared, but it was hopelessly twisted around my waist.
“Next time, Gloam Jet, next time!” Isha growled as she released the guilty party’s ankles. Standing to address the rest of us she stepped elegantly off of the table and explained, “The little prankster reached into the shower and turned off the hot water.” She offered Discord her hand and smiled. “I am Isha. Priestess of the goddess of sex and love. I am also Tanna’s friend and house guest. It looks like you must know Tanna and Twilight?”
“Discord P. Sullivan, Lord of Chaos, pleased to meet you,” he answered, on his best behavior and gave her hand a good solid shake. Again her breasts jiggled. “I know the TwiTan—” shake, jiggle “—from Equestria.” He shook her hand longer – we were all captivated by the effect.
As Discord released Isha’s handclasp I noticed Gloam peering out from under the coffee table. From her view between Isha’s ankles she watched three of us staring rapt at Isha’s chest.
“I’ve heard of you. Nice of you to drop in. I’ll be back in a moment.” She walked, as stately as a naked queen, back to the bathroom.
Gloam wriggled out from under the coffee table to peer at Discord’s horns and other oddities. I took advantage of her distraction to roll off the sofa and straighten my clothes in hopes of retrieving something of my errant dignity.
Gloam stared for a full minute before she spoke a single word.
“Chaos.”
“And this is whom?” Discord asked as if he realized that she might bite. “She hasn’t said anything I disagree with yet.”
“My daughter,” Twilight said. Twilight was still stretched out on the sofa and could probably see right up my skirt. “Tanna here is her mother. Gloam Sparkle, this is Discord Sullivan, the Lord of Chaos.Discord, Gloam.”
“Pleased to meet you, young Sparkle,” he said, extending a hand.
Gloam seized it and shook, just as firmly as Discord had shaken Isha’s hand.
“Chaos,” she said again, with a toothy grin.
“Erm, yes, quite—”
“And you’re still wearing your school clothes,” I broke in. “Please get changed.”
Gloam retreated towards her room.
“Much as I enjoyed the welcome performance,” Discord said to Twilight and me “I find myself in an embarrassing situation, with my power somehow drained. There was something very odd about the inter-dimensional transition to this world. Twilight, could you be a dear and send me back to Equestria? Flutters will worry if I don’t do something wrong by supper.”
“Sorry, Discord. I’m stuck here too, until I recharge. Which goes strangely slow on this world, I should warn you.”
“Charmed, I’m certain. How long are we are in for?”
“Another few days maybe. Week at most.” Twilight had a far away look as she evaluated her power level. If not for my oath I could take us all home in an instant.
“I already miss Fluttershy,” said Discord sadly. “Do you have a Chaos spirit in this world who might help me bust out?”
“I know of several, but not how to enlist their aid,” I offered. “There are Loki, Enki, Raven and Coyote, and there’s the Woodsie Lord, that's who I can think of off hand. I’m sure there are more. Oh, duh! Lady Eris, of course. She’s the only one that I’ve met. She might actually respond if I were to—”
“Eris! She could do it in a blink! I know her from way back at… when we… and I… and then she… in fact it would be best not to bump into her again for a few more evers. Maybe I will just cool my heels here until Twilight or I accumulate enough magic to return to Equestria.”
“Fluttershy’ll hardly notice. There’s a timeslip so it will only be a few hours back home.”
“I’ll just have the belllhop put my things in a guest suite, if you have one with a east facing balcony I’ll take it.” He grabbed his suitcase looking around for the non-existing service personnel. “May I see the dinner menu?”
“The dinner menu is that all new recruits get kitchen duty and the guest suite is me moving the other sofa out here. I dunno if you snore, but I should warn you that Isha does.”
“I what?” she asked as she returned, her lovely chocolaty skin no longer on full display.
“Snore, babe. Discord will be joining the party for a while.”
“Sounds fun, but I’m not sharing my sofa with anypony.”
“Urg, Twilight can you help me move the other sofa out of our room. Do I need to draw a dividing line down the middle of the room?”
—
As the smoke wafting from the kitchen cleared, the five of us, my small pack, gathered around the edible bits of Discord’s first attempt to cook without magic. I’d done worse when I was learning and neither Gloam nor I died of it, so I had little to complain of if our newbie was off to a rough start.
“It’s an interesting take on pilaf, buddy, but I applaud you being a good sport about helping out.”
“Pilaf?” The Lord of Chaos was still wearing a tall chef’s toque which he couldn’t have possibly found in my kitchen. “You wound me, madam, that was the soup!”
After that faux pas I shut up and cut myself another slice of salad.
Discord made an exaggerated pretense of giving me the cold shoulder as he carefully ladled my daughter some more bread to dunk the last of her gravy into, but their giggling gave him away.
—
“I should have congratulated you sooner,” Discord said to Twilight, “for breaking Celestia’s barrier.”
Gloam was off to bed, but the grownups (plus me) were sitting around the kitchen table finishing our coffee after a desert which had safely been delivered from an actual bakery and thus occupied the correct state of matter.
“That’s the funny thing,” Twilight said, “when I finally cast my counter spell at full power it was like nothing was there! Once I had the right magic lined up, I pulverized it!”
“That doesn’t seem quite right to me, but apparently I can’t argue with your apparent success.”
“I hope you will all forgive me for asking so bluntly,” Discord continued before Isha could quiz Twilight about breaking magical barriers, “but I must request clarification on what exactly the sexual dynamic is here. There’s more tension between the three of you than in Miss Pie’s personal confession booth at the Church of the Sun and I totally witnessed both Twilight and Tangent ‘checking out’ the naked Dr. Myrtle even as they had their hands all over each other. And yet, she is bedding coach class on the living room sofa. Why aren’t you a triple?”
“The goddess I serve forbids, and I don’t understand why. I’m supposed to wait for something even better. I don’t even know how that could be possible .”
Isha’s voice was full of longing and despair – I wished I could comfort her, but the comfort I longed to give was forbidden by a divine command we could not comprehend.
Discord’s eyebrows shot up. In a non-magical setting this means that they merely raised a centimeter or so to indicate intense curiosity.
“If you were a triple,” he asked with chaotic insight, “who would be the pivot?”
“Me.”
Twilight, Isha, and I had spoken simultaneously. Now we all stared at each other in shock.
“Ah-ha, what we have here is a failure to communicate. Allow Professor Discord to assist.” He adjusted spectacles I had never seen him wear before. “Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, why should you be the pivot of the Vee?”
“Because I’m the most powerful, I’m the one who will protect both my partners. It’s just logical.”
“Isha, miss, why should you?”
“Because I’m the priestess of the goddess of love, I’m the one who will hold the group together. It’s just natural.”
“And, Tanna?”
“Because I’m the one who met them both first, I’m the one who introduced them to each other. I guess it’s kinda lame.”
“No, Tanna, you actually have the strongest case.But, be that as it may,maybe you shouldn’t consider a Vee at all.”
Discord paused for a long moment before asking a question that had the potential to throw everything to chaos.
We waited, expectantly, as he took the time to look each of us in the eyes.
Was there chaos in his gaze? Yes, chaos and fire unimaginable. But also a deep compassion.
“What if you three were to form a full triangle?”
I had never thought of that. Judging from the slack jaws on my mate and our future mate, they hadn’t either.
Isha’s eyes lit up with desire.
And hope.
Author's Note
Next week: Is this place getting crowded? And, hints of strange alliances.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“No.”
The radiant spark of hope which had shown so brightly in Isha’s eyes was gone, now that she had thought out the implications.
“No, no, no, we can’t. If that would satisfy her, she would have said so. I have served our holy lady long enough to know that if there was a way to make this work, she would have commanded me and I would have obeyed with my whole heart. If all I had to do was to love Tanna’s husband as much as I love Tanna, I could do that.”
Isha reached across the table and took Twilight’s hands.
“After seeing how much Tanna loves you, how could I not love you too?”
“I wish I could welcome you into our relationship so that Tanna would never lose your love,” Twilight replied.
“But Isha is right,” I said. “If there was a simple solution, Aphrodite would have said so.”
“You know,” Twilight said dangerously, “once we get back to Equestria, I could beat Aphrodite in a fair fight.”
“Twilight O. Sparkle! You will do no such thing. I met cousin Aphrodite back when Eris and I were having our little thing and I will not have an alicorn of Equestria fighting against a good god.”
“It isn’t your call Discord.”
“I’ll tell your mother.”
“No fair!”
“Uh, Twilight and Discord have been opponents in the past,” I explained to Isha. “Even if they are friends now, they do have a certain shared history of mutual antagonism.”
“And I’ll tell Celly, too,” he amended his threat.
“Double no fair!”
“So, I see,” Isha acknowledged. Frowning, she asked Twilight, “Could you really?”
“I could, I really could. I am that powerful on my own turf. But Discord is right. I cannot lift my hoof against a good deity, and I pray she forgive me for even thinking about it.”
“Good. If I were to betray Aphrodite by consorting with one who had striven against her, then I would be unworthy of any love in the universe, especially yours and Tanna’s.”
“And if I were to attack the god you’ve both served, my love would be worth nothing. To either of you.”
As quickly as the possibility of our three way love flowing like an eternal golden braid had sprung up, it was gone again.
“I guess they don’t call you Discord for nothing, do they?” Isha asked the Lord of Chaos. “You sure rattled us up.”
“Honestly, I thought my suggestion would have brought you together in perfect order.”
“Order? You?”
“I believe,” he said, “that the three of you would have been an unbreakable triangle, a caltrop under the hooves of reality herself!”
“I see,” said Twilight, “you were willing to create a little order, in order to crash the universe down on our heads?”
“Oh, maybe a little sumpin sumpin like that,” he admitted self-deprecatingly.
“I’m telling Fluttershy. And Celestia.”
“No fair! I didn’t actually do it!”
“Twilight,” Isha said, “don’t you think you can give him a pass, this time? Even if it would have broken reality, he was trying to help the three of us find something wonderful.”
“Well—”
“Aw, come on. No rat?”
“Please?” I joined in.
“Okay, no rat,” she concurred. “Since you both ask so nicely.”
“Thank you, priestess, for your intercession. The Lord of Chaos does not forget his debts.”
He bowed deeply.
“No biggie, it’s not like I saved your life or anything.”
“You might have,” he smirked. “Not everypony approves of my methods.”
“Glad to help a friend ou– ou– out.” She stifled a yawn. “I’ve done my good deed for the day, it’s time for me to crash.”
“Agreed,” I said, “Discord, let me show you were to find blankets and stuff…”
After doing what I could to enable my guests’ comfort on their respective sofas, I followed Twilight towards our bed.
I had plans for her.
—
“Are those two going to be okay out there?”
“Huh?” I was swapping out the batteries in one of my favorite vibrators, something a little more industrial powered than the erstwhile alligator stick. “Of course not.”
“What‽” Twilight would have sat up in alarm, if she could have.
“Did you notice the way they set up the sofas?”
“Back to back - what about it?”
“Did you notice the gap between them?”
“Uh-huh, so?”
“Think about that gap and think about the size of our daughter.”
“Oh, Celestia, they’re doomed! Somepony’s gotta do something!” Again she tried to sit up – it still wasn’t working.
“Got it under control.” I wielded the vibrator like a magic wand and used it to turn on the sound suppressor.
“I see,” Twilight said, mentally leaving Isha and Discord in the Hooves of Fate, or perhaps the less merciful Hands of Gloam. “What is that thing? It looks like some kind of technological wiener.”
I held the vibe in front of my pussy, sticking out like it was in fact a wiener and thrust my hips, grinning lasciviously.
“Ummm, are you going to put that in my butt? It’s bigger than your fingers.”
“Only if you ask very nicely. I prefer to keep it clean for use in other places.”
“Other places?”
“Don’t rush me now, we’ll get there.”
“Should I be scared?”
“No, you should not. But if you would like a safe-word…”
“I’ll pass. ‘Do with me as thou wilt’.”
“I shall, beloved, I shall.”
I turned the vibe to remote-control mode and nestled it against the base of her penis, just above the forward edge of her scrotum. I had her tied securely enough that she was unlikely to dislodge it. Twilight looked confused; she would find out what a serious vibrator could do momentarily.
With a wave of my hand I set the lights to dim and started music playing, a curated set of the most sultry tunes recorded from the radio waves emanating from Gallop’s sister planet.
I began to gently sway to the music. As the bass line started, soft vibration began against Twilight’s cock. Surprise and then pleasure shew on her face. The controller was keyed to the deep notes of the music and to my heart rate – once I got into my routine my pulse would dominate the vibration and tie us together.
“Oh, would I fain,” I sang, trying to mesh my words with the alien tune “on the pinnacle thy lofty tower, alight my tenderness…
As I whirled I got only glimpses of Twilight, her expression transfigured with need, her erection a strained exclamation of urgency in the midst of tight purple curls. I needed her in me. But the song wasn’t over and the dance held me captive as surely as my knots tied Twilight to the bedframe.
As I danced the vibrator shook itself away from Twilight; I should have taped it in place. Remotely, Bear turned it off. Without missing a step I spoke to Bear in our private language of hand gestures: acknowledged, gratitude.
Judging from the intensity of Twilight’s gaze, staring at my body, she was plenty stimulated without the vibe.
“Iä, iä, i-iä,” I broke again into extemporaneous song as the music built up “fill me with your precious come!”
The music had reached passionate intensity and it swelled to a crescendo of sexual energy. Rising up with the music, I stood on my toes, arching my back, hands squeezing my breasts together. My eyes were pressed closed and my lips pursed into a hungry pout. Slowly I opened my eyes ready to pounce upon my beloved and take her hardness deep within myself.
Instead I froze at what I saw.
Silently, her entire body rigid in her bonds, Twilight was ejaculating. I stared as semen fountained from her cock, dripped back down its length.
With a groan of release she passed out.
Laughing silently, I carefully slipped the knots which held Twilight’s ankles and wrists. She didn’t budge as I freed her and cleaned her, nor did she wake when I pulled a blanket over.
Carefully, I kissed her cheek; her breath still smelled of minty toothpaste.
—
Grabbing a shirt and popping into the kitchen for a drink of water after my dancing exertions, I found Discord moping at the kitchen table. It didn’t take much effort to guess who he was thinking about.
“Congrats on your engagement, buddy. I bet ‘Shy is so happy!”
“Thanks,” he said flatly, unwilling to be cheered. “We are both ecstatic. Sorry you missed the party, we couldn’t wait.”
“No worries. I heard that you had a couple of party crashers,” I tried to draw him out.
“I know you’re very loyal to the throne, but I think her Highness deserved what she got.”
“You guys got off easy, she just crashed your engagement party. Celestia crashed our consummation.”
“Pfft! It wouldn't have been a marriage to consummate if she hadn’t been there to declare you wed as you fornicated.”
“Logical causality?” I peered at the Lord of Chaos. “You really are an agent of Order, aren’t you, Discord?”
“Moi ? Order? Ha, ha, now that’s a laugh, wait until I tell Flu—oh.” His face fell; not literally as one might have anticipated from the idiom. “She’s not here.”
Discord’s gloom returned at full power after only milliseconds in abeyance.
“Do you doubt her ability to take care of herself for a little while?” I asked.
“No, I know she is a strong mare.”
“So male up and stop whining.”
“You’re one to talk of masculinity, o vaginatious one. I simply miss her. What of you? You assure me that ‘Shy’ll be safe, but what of your own safety while you were alone?”
“I was not safe, my Lord,” I said demurely.
“So suddenly I’m ‘my lord’ again?” Discord demanded, “what happened to ‘buddy’?”
“A chaoist cannot lie to the Lord of Chaos. You probably know already know.”
“Your bearing tells me more than I want to know. I could tell you were sent into danger, but it’s not like I can predict the future – doesn’t work.”
“What doesn’t work?”
“The future. If I see it, it breaks. Why else do you think my old flame, Sunbutt, forbids me from seeing the books of prophesy?”
“I don’t know anything about that.”
“Well, see that you don’t tell me about whatever prophesy has got her ethereal tail tangled, or the worst version of it will come true.”
“Weren’t you just prophesying about me and Twilight and Isha, earlier?”
“That was a guess; a very educated guess. I thought I was doing some Princess Cadance grade relationship wrangling, a little bit of my very own love magic. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I thought I was setting up one of my followers for a bountiful life with both a husband and a wife.”
“Me-ow!” I grinned. “Ideally both at once! I’d love to go down on Isha while Twilight nailed me.”
“Ambitious, aren’t we? Of course in a triangle, it’s critical to rotate the positions of doing and done .”
“Of course. Sometimes Isha would eat my pussy while Twilight boned her. Oh! Oh! Just imagine Isha and me both trying to lick and suck Twilight’s dick at once, fighting over every drop.”
“Trust me, mortal, when I say there is only one fellatrix who belongs in my imagination.”
“I bet Fluttershy’s a total come-pire.”
“That is none of your business, but yes, and all the more reason to want to be back with her as soon as possible.”
“I’m sorry buddy.” I hugged him, slipping back to more familiar terms of address. “Twilight and I will get you home to Fluttershy as soon as we can.”
“‘We’?” he asked. “You aren’t a unicorn.”
“No, I’m not.” It was true in the most pedantically literal sense. “Twi’ll do the magic and I’ll keep you alive until she’s able to do it!” I sat on his lap, tugging the hem of my shirt down in the hopes that he would not notice that I wore nothing under it. “This place can get kinda hairy, you wouldn't last five minute on the bad side of town.” I poked the top button on his pajamas to emphasize my point. “But inside of a week the four of us should be safely in Equestria.”
Discord frowned at something I had said.
“I believe that I—” he started to say and then interrupted himself “—Tanna, you are getting sexual fluids on my pajamas. Eww.”
“Eep, sorry about that!” I jumped up, inadvertently flashing Discord as I grabbed at the hem of my shirt. “The autowash in the bathroom can have them clean for you in five minutes.”
“Thank you. I’ll wash everything twice. And I’ll be setting the temperature dial in the shower to ‘autoclave’.”
“If it’s any comfort, that was just quim, Twilight’s jizz all ended up—” Discord’s expression told me that he didn’t want details. “—nevermind. I’m sorry.”
At least he wasn’t moping now!
“I’m clean,” I insisted at his back as he retreated towards the bathroom.
—
I semi-woke later in the night with Twilight spooned up against me. She was hard again and I instinctually rubbed back against her cock, grinding myself against her erection.
“Tanna?” she whispered.
“Mmmm hmm?”
“I’m so sorry. For coming and just going to sleep like that.”
“Shhhh. You came just from looking at me – your lust warms my heart in ways I can’t even explain.”
“Why are those things called alligator sticks? It felt good, until it rolled away.”
“It’s not called an alligator stick, it’s called a vibrator. Lonely girls use them to masturbate. Gloam found one of mine when she was little and my brother was visiting. Without missing a beat, Eric says ‘put the alligator stick down and let’s go make cookies’. Saved me an awkward explanation I didn’t have to make until she was a few years older.”
“Did you use it often?”
“I’ve missed you a lot, Twilight,” I said, failing to elaborate on the vibe’s membership in a large collection of other devices. “I’ve missed sex with you a lot.”
“In that case…” her erect cock was between my thighs now and she was thrusting her hips “…do you wanna?”
“I’m tired now,” I whined, “I want you to fuck me but let me rest.”
I put my hand between my legs to guide her.
She started to ask, “are you sure—” but broke off with a sigh when her penis slipped into me.
“Quite sure,” I mumbled as sleep drew me back into its depths.
I dreamed of her then, somewhere between hypnogogic hallucination and reality, slow grinding, mellow and comfortable. There was a flood of warmth…
“I love you, Twi,” I said without really waking up.
—
In the morning I found Isha and Discord sitting grouchily on the living room floor. They had blocked either end of the inter-sofa-gap with cushions and they sat, leaning against the cushions, to hold them in place.
“What happened out here?”
“Shhhh,” said Discord, “Gloam attacked after you went back to bed. We finally trapped her. I think she’s asleep.”
“Unlike us,” added Isha blearily. “It was like a horror movie. Never-ending.”
“Save us…”
“Good teamwork, you two,” I said, but walked past them.
Throwing open the door to Gloam’s room I turned on the light.
“Time to get up, baby girl! Get dressed while mommy cooks you some breakfast.”
Gloam jumped out of her bed, rested and full of energy.
“I love you, mom!”
She hugged me.
Author's Note
Next Week: She might like watching but it’s not voyeurism if…
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
While Tanna escorted Gloam to school –a random variation in routine, designed to throw a wrench into the works of any scheme an adversary might have to study the more predictable routes of the school-provided proctors– Twilight lounged back to the bedroom. Idly looking around, she chanced to note that the vibrator from last night was hanging partway out of a drawer. Submitting to her keen sense of Alles in Ordnung she opened the drawer wider to properly stow the device.
“Woah.”
The drawer was completely full of sex toys.
“I can’t even tell where some of these would fit,” she mused.
“Would you care for some explanations?”
“Bear? Why aren’t you with Tanna?”
“I am with Tanna, Princess. My presence is not strictly limited to the spatial locus of one material artifact; I am in many places. Shall I show you how she used that one?”
Twilight nodded absently as she held one of the objects she had retrieved from Tanna’s stash.
“Tanna?”
A figure of Twilight’s wife, composed entirely of light, had appeared – she moved as if to take the toy from Twilight.
“Hologram,” explained Bear, “a three dimensional picture made of light. The incident you are currently reviewing took place two years ago.”
The hologram of Tanna did look a little younger. She moved away, now holding a hologram of the toy in her immaterial hands; Twilight still held the physical original. Tanna stuck the toy to the wall with its suction cup; from a tube of gel she slathered it with lubricant. The toy itself was a series of some eight beads separated by thinner, semi-flexible connections. The smallest was little more than an almond and the great one near the base almost a hen’s egg.
Realizing that the actual toy was not needed for the demonstration, Twilight tucked it back into its drawer and walked over so she could watch as Tanna positioned her anus against the tip of the holographic toy and began to push. One after another the beads disappeared into Tanna’s ass, sphincter closing down on the narrow connection between each bead and its neighbor.
She stopped at the seventh without assaying the last and largest. Slowly she pulled away, withdrawing until only the smallest was still inside, repeating the motion several times more before working herself to a faster pace.
“Oh, Twilight,” the image of Tanna moaned, “I’d do anything to have you here right now.”
“Tanna, Tanna, I’m right here!” Twilight said, in spite of herself.
Tanna froze, a flicker of static passing across her.
“Just a recording,” Bear reminded the Princess.
“I know,” Twilight said sharply. “Don’t stop. I gotta see if she can—”
Back in motion, Tanna continued the cycle, pushing harder with each in-stroke until she had encompassed the ultimate goal. She paused for breath, then slowly rocked her hips, slipping on and off of that singular immensity as the smaller beads reciprocated deeper inside.
“Are we spying on her?” the Princess asked, hypnotized by the sight of Tanna’s asshole stretching and shrinking as the silicone egg passed in and out.
“It’s just like watching a show, but this actually happened.”
Twilight would have liked to argue the point, but there was more to see.
While the first Tanna continued to analize herself, another Tanna hologram retrieved a small control box from the drawer, and a variety of wireless accessories. Two clipped to her nipples. A latex panty held two motorized phalli buried deep in her ass and pussy, and elastic straps positioned a smaller vibe over her clit. The central peripheral, a dildo of reasonable girth but excessive length was attached to the wall. As Tanna began sucking the cybernetic mastercock, its sensors sent data to the control box and the vibrators around her body began to buzz in response to her actions. The deeper and faster she took the cock into her throat, the more powerful the stimulation and the further the two trapped dildos extended. The speed of insertion and withdrawal sped controlled the base vibrational buzzing of the various vibrators, whereas a particularly deep insertion would trigger a wave of intense buzzing that would crash over her body from random direction. The feedback loop drove that Tanna to exceed herself in desperate self-irrumatio, taking it further down her throat.
Another Tanna perched on the bed, down on her knees and leaning on one hand. With her other hand she reached behind. The dildo she gripped was not super large, but past her fist it split into two parallel shafts. Peering over her shoulder she carefully lined up the twin heads with the available openings: two insertable shafts of differing girth, two openings of differing constriction. Before pushing, she paused and gave the device half a turn, swapping the larger shaft and the smaller.
The next holographic vision of Tanna to appear retrieved an enormous dildo from the collection – one that no longer rested in the drawer. The shear size of it explained why Twilight’s pony cock hadn’t split Tanna in half that first night. Suctioning the huge dong onto the corner of her desk, she turned and simplysat onto its entire length. She must have been having a horny, desperate, day because she was already dripping and the dildo slid in, almost without resistance, and Tanna humped it vehemently. The thickness of the shaft spread her labia wide, leaving the clit well exposed for full view and the merciless flicking it received as this Tanna, too, began to plead for the Princess of Friendship to redeem her.
Other Tannas, their ages varying from little older than when Twilight had met Tangent, to little younger than her age the night Twilight returned, filled the room, and themselves. Toys, produce and other improvisations, and fingers, penetrated, rubbed, and schlicked them on the sea of lust. And on each Tanna’s tongue, the Princess’s name.
One particular poignant instance simply knelt on the floor before Twilight, holding a vibrator tightly against her clitoris. It was the very same vibrator that real Tanna had used on the Princess’s dick just last night. Tanna must have been staring into space as she masturbated, but to Twilight it felt like she was making eye contact. Tears ran down her face and as the vibrator hit max speed, she began to keen with desire.
It was too much. Surrounded by jilling images of her wife, Twilight unzipped and began jacking her dick with one hand, cupping balls with the other, and the groaning song of much manic masturbation suffused the auditory landscape of the bedroom.
“Fuck…”
Moaning came from all directions, wherever Twilight looked, there was Tanna, servicing herself but yearning for the Princess.
“Why are you showing me this?” Twilight panted as her fist slid up and down her cock.
“I think you need to understand just how badly Tanna has missed you. She may have understated, somewhat.”
“I– I see.” Her hand was a blur of motion now. “Oh, fuck, Tanna, I didn’t realize.”
The roomful of Tanna holograms were collectively cresting, their many orgasmic cries a cacophony of need.
“Oh, Twilight!”
“Princess, I love you!”
“Please, I’m begging!”
“Glhmp! Glhmp! Glhmp!”
“Fill me, Princess!”
“Twilight!”
“Oh my love!”
Each image faded away as it passed climax, leaving Twilight alone with the last counterfeit, kneeling before her.
Twilight’s semen exploded from her rigid cock, spurt after spurt arcing through the space occupied by the hologram before landing on the floor. The last small surges ran down her knuckles as her hand slowed.
“Oh, Twilight,” the final Tanna hologram moaned aloud, staring directly into Twilight’s soul, her face slick with tears. “Twilight, please, please,save me.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Discord and Isha were still passed out on their sofas, still recovering from their sleepless night, when I returned home.
In addition to randomizing our route to school, I had taken the opportunity to reiterate my message to Gloam about proper treatment of guests. Hopefully there would be no repeat of the torment they had endured. The odd thing was that no simple linear chronology could account for the fact that my daughter had troubled them nearly all night, yet still escaped their trap and emerged from her own bed well rested, in the morning.
And now, only a couple hours later in that morning, there was still plenty of time for some nice, clean, innocent fun with my husband.
Tip-toeing past our slumbering guests, I found Twilight lounging on my bed; she too was half asleep.
“Meet you in the shower?” I asked, shucking clothes as I traipsed through the room. “I don’t know how you can sleep with that servitor shampooing the carpet.”
By the time I had taken care of some biology and gotten the water running, Twilight was naked, and joining me.
“Are we going to fuck in the shower,” I asked as I slicked her cock with suds, “or are we saving your ammunition for tonight?”
She was already growing firm in my hand, I could potentially have her soap free and somewhere inside me in seconds.
“Tonight, I think.”
“Yes, my prince,” I pouted.
I released my favorite cock in the worlds and affected shyness, gaze cast humbly down.
A moment later Twilight realized what I was waiting for and grabbed the soap to wash my breasts.
I sighed with satisfaction as her determination started to waver. Careful hands washed me front and back, arms and legs. Finally, with a handful of suds, she slowly slid slippery fingers between my buttocks and began soaping me there – I wiggled with pleasure.
“Have you changed your mind, my master?” I asked as coquettishly as I could. “Are going to sodomize me here in the shower? My ass is yours, and this is the perfect place, so we can clean right up if things get… messy.”
“No, I’m waiting for tonight. But maybe I can have a little fun with you anyway.”
That sounded promising, and her sly grin suggested that she really meant it.
“Suck this, I don’t want you getting too loud for the noise abatement.”
With a loud schlup she stuck one of my best dildos, waist high on the wall of the shower enclosure. How’d she find that? And how’d she pick so well?
I bent and obediently took the dong into my mouth as Twilight sat on the seat in the corner of the shower.
“Spread.”
I complied, pulling my ass cheeks apart for her inspection. She was sitting directly behind me and ran a single fingertip around and around my soaped anus as I filled my throat with the toy penis she had chosen for me.
With a soapy push her finger entered me. Maybe this was not what I was most hoping for, but I could work with it. I squeezed my asshole around her finger to acknowledge her presence and then relaxed to invite her further. A second finger easily slipped in, though after the initial stretch, I was surprised to feel myself shrink down again. She hadn’t pulled out, I could still feel her inside. Could she have withdrawn the second finger even as the first went deeper? When a third bead stretched my ass just a little more I realized what toy she was using on me instead of fingers.
Getting fucked with the ass beads by Twilight was a zillion times better than solo play. Just the three beads, slowly in and out, slippery and undemanding. Was she enjoying the sight as much as I enjoyed the action?
“Twiiiiilight?”
I had disengaged from the dildo and peered between my legs to confirm my theory. Sure enough, I could see Twilight was slowly jacking her dick with one hand as she buttfucked me with the beaded toy.
“Hmmm?”
“If you decide to come, will you please come in me?”
“I’m just edging a little. I’ll fill you up tonight. Pinkie Promise.”
That was good enough for me.
“Mmmmff!” I said happily, mouth once more occupied.
Now she pushed it in as far as the fourth bead, and withdrew.
In five… out. In six… out. In seven… out. In and out, it felt so good, but I was just a little frightened. I’d never taken that huge eighth bead and I hoped she wouldn’t try to put that in me. Maybe I should let her know what my limits were.
I tried to pull back from the dildo again, but Twilight let go of her cock and held me down. When I stopped resisting her, she stood. Now she had more leverage, but she didn’t push any further, just maintained the smooth slide in and out. No longer holding my head down, she used her free hand to reposition me. First she grabbed base of the dildo on the wall – she had given me a non-verbal command not to stop sucking, so I kept sucking as best I could as she slid it up the wall, careful not to break the suction cup free. Soon I was almost standing, but with my butt stuck out a bit behind me. When she removed her hand from the dildo I could once more take its entire length into my mouth as if it were her cock, kissing and licking it between sucks. My hands were still on my ass, spreading the cheeks so they would not impinge on her view. She guided my hands off my butt, around to the front of my body. When she pushed towards my crotch I was glad to follow her suggestion – putting both my index fingers at the apex of my pussy lips, I began massaging my clit between two fingertips. Once I established a rhythm, she had me move my legs farther apart and farther back.This threw me off balance, making me lean onto the dildo and I had to throw my entire body back with each cycle as I sucked it. Twilight adjusted the gyrations of the toy in my butt to match my tempo.
pop pop pop Pop Pop POP POP – she pushed and the toy’s first seven beads entered my ass as I tipped forward, taking the entire wall dildo in my mouth, lips pressed on the shower tile.
Somewhere behind me, she stopped stroking her cock. Was she getting close? Then—
SMACK
—her now-free hand impacted; a loud, wet, stinging slap on my tingling bottom, before returning to masturbating herself.
POP POP Pop Pop pop pop pop –she pulled the anal beads out again as I leaned back until I was only just kissing the tip of the toy on the wall, senses jangling with the mixture of pain and pleasure, anticipation and surprise.
Then I began to fall forward again and the cycle continued.
pop pop pop Pop Pop POP POP –SMACK– POP POP Pop Pop pop pop pop
I hadn’t noticed her apply lube, but from the silky pleasure as each bead slipped in or out, I could tell that she had done so, copiously. She must have lubed her dick too, judging from the slick feeling on my ass where she struck me. If I wasn’t otherwise occupied, I’d wish I could see what whatever was going on back there, in between slaps. How close was she going to take herself, and if I was lucky would she fuck me for real after all?
pop pop pop Pop Pop POP POP –SMACK– POP POP Pop Pop pop pop pop
Only seven, only the seven, I kept repeating in my thoughts, this feels so good. My clit was a tungsten ball bearing of bliss rolling between the pads of my fingers as I neared climax, throwing myself forward and back with abandon as Twilight accelerated to match me, each bead rattling my sphincter as it freight-trained through.
“I think,” she said with almost scientific detachment, “that you would have been just fine with my pony dick in the ass.”
poppoppopPopPopPOPPOPSMACKPOPPOPPopPoppoppoppop
“Ahnnnn…”
Only a groan escaped my full mouth.
I couldn’t organize my thoughts enough to protest with words. Not even the final, unassailable eighth bead was as large a diametre as Her shaft had been, in pony form. It wouldn’t work.
“Hold tight,” she said.
And then in one smooth motion Twilight pushed the toy all the way in, the hitherto-now unattempted gigantic eighth bead slipping in, stretching me, filling me, and triggering an explosion of coruscating orgasm. My body convulsed, I was brutally face-humping the dildo on the wall as Twilight slid the largest bead rapidly in and out of me until I passed out.
—
I woke lying on my bed, head on Twilight’s lap. She must have dried me and carried me here. Her cock was still semi-hard, pressed up against my ear.
“How was that?” she asked.
“Different,” I drawled, wondering if she had come while I was unconscious.
I nuzzled drowsily against her penis. Simply finding the energy to speak was a challenge.
“Nuh-uh, later,” she answered my unspoken question.
At last I pulled my thoughts together.
“I usually masturbate in my bedroom, where no one can watch me.”
Author's Note
Next week: It's time to tone this down...
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Just from watching you dance?” Isha asked, voice full of amazement. Tinged with loss.
She had slept till noon after her restless night bedeviled by my daughter. Discord was still asleep on a sofa, and I had whispered my account of the previous evening to Isha as we sipped tea in the kitchen.
“Sploogie!” I said, “all over the place, but not in me.”
“Then my night’s rest was well sacrificed keeping Gloamzilla from interrupting you.”
Isha’s smile held wistfulness and I was shamed to cause her sorrow.
“Sorry to brag about it, all things considered.”
I might have been dancing for Isha, if Twilight had not finally come back to me.
“Don’t be. It’s a tale well worth telling, I will add it to my lore of the one that got away.”
“And then this morning after I took Gloam to school and you guys were still sleeping—”
“Oh, no, there’s more?”
“Twilight found my drawer of toys and dug out my largest anal beads.”
“Those huge red ones you bought as a joke?”
“Yep. All the way in. I got butt rammed while I jilled off in the shower until I passed out.”
“Thank you for not waking us up with your caterwauling.”
“Twenty centimetres,” I said, forming a ring with finger and thumb and sliding it forward and back in front of my mouth, “of pony dick shaped dildo. All the way in.”
“That’d keep even you quiet.”
She finished her tea.
“I’m going to go make sure Garny and his people are ready to ship out to Gallop in four days.”
A day, maybe two, after that, and Twilight should be able to take Gloam and Discord and me home.
“Remind them to keep it under their collective hats. We don’t need any official attention. I don’t want to leave you in the hotseat.”
“Can I just…” she trailed off without finishing her question.
“Just what?”
“Nevermind. I better go check on the refugees.”
As she laced her boots the door opened to admit Twilight and Gloam.
“I envy you, pony,” Isha said and focused on the footwear.
“Discord!” shouted Gloam as she took a running jump and cannonballed onto the sofa and its occupant.
“What was that about?” Twilight asked, “were you bragging to Isha?”
“I had to, it was too epic not to tell somepony. Gloam, stop climbing on our guest. I know I didn’t specifically mention parkour, but that’s another no-no. He’s actually an important fellow back home in Equestria.”
“I would devour you, little human filly,” Discord grumped to Gloam as he stood, “if your parents were not two of my favorite ponies.”
He had grabbed an ankle and now held her suspended, at arm’s length. In theory he’d be safe at that distance.
“Forgive my foal, O Lord Discord,” I said respectfully, “if she is weak in the paying of respect consider that she is strong of chaos. Kaos runs deep in her mother’s blood.”
“Tanna, dear,” he said as I rose from my knees, “if you think I’d really eat a potential future foalsitter, you underestimate my intelligence.”
“Besides,” Gloam sassed as she thrashed in mid air, “who’s says it would be me who got et?”
Ignoring her inverted skirt as she hung head down, Gloam gnashed her teeth and lunged at Discord. Discord growled back at her.
“Rrrrrrrr!” and, “Grrrrrrr!” they contended.
“Didn’t you say, Tanna, that you have met Lady Eris?” He was trying, without success, to stare Gloam down.
Suddenly she swung her free foot and kicked the hand grasping her ankle. He dropped her in surprise and she hit the floor on all fours like a panther before making her escape.
“I did meet her, she blessed me when I was a child.”
“No wonder your offspring is so interesting .”
“You should have been there when my mother caught me giving burnt offering before the statue of Eris.”
—
“You see, my lady? I don’t know how long this has been going on. There are rumors in the servants’ quarters.”
Two women peered around the corner.
A twelve year old boy knelt, naked, before the marble goddess. A garland of fresh flowers hung around the statue’s neck and a small brazier flamed at her feet. With his hands above his head he whispered fervently.
“ H ail Eris!”
Had the goddess of chaos always worn such an enigmatically victorious smirk?
“Hail Eris!” he repeated.
If marble could live and breath, one might swear Eris had winked at the watchers.
“ Hail Eris!”
The offering was reduced to smoldering ashes, the flickering flames, extinct. But still a golden light lingered, divine, around chaos’s devotee.
“What did he give her ?”
“A watercolour painting of Themis , my lady. He won first prize for it .”
The mother’s eyes narrowed.
Typically any reminder of her son’s existence filled the mistress with rage but this reaction—
“This didn’t happen.” Lady Akos’s voice was barely audible. “And if I so much as hear his name again I may throw the locutor thereof out a window.”
Defenestration from this altitude would result in a crater – the intensity of her ladyship’s reaction reminded the younger woman of an emotion much closer to a servant’s experience.
Fear.
—
“I don’t know how she found out, or how much she saw, but she didn’t speak to me for a year after that.”
“Why did you have a statue of Eris in your home?” Isha asked – she had paused by the door to hear the tale.
“Oh, we had the whole damn pantheon around the bath. Eris was in a dead end in the maze by the frigidarium.”
“How big was the bath?” she asked, tallying Greek gods in her head.
“It took a whole floor of Primary Housing.”
“Whoa. And you picked Lady Discordia out of that bunch?”
“Eris,” I said, bowing my head humbly, “chose me.”
“Did your mother neglect you because of chaos?” Discord asked, perplexed by human ways.
“My mother neglected and abused me because of who and what I was. But she refused to talk to me because she was terrified of who I served.”
—
With Isha out of the domicile and Twilight attempting to coach our daughter on proper Equestrian manners for the child of royalty, Discard and I were left alone with a firm injunction not to destroy the universes.
I worked on drawing a circle and various geometric divisions thereof while Discord took care of the runes.
Destruction? Not so much. But we’d have our fun and the world would know our will of chaos!
Striving not to giggle, we chanted the spell together. With both of us working in harmony the radius of effect would grow exponentially.
As soon as the magic circle was consumed by our casting, Discord and I scampered back to the kitchen to resume our harmless conversation.
“…and if you give an extra twist when you purl,” I said as Twilight and Gloam returned, “you can make the cabling more pronounced.”
“I see, I see,” Discord agreed, sagely.
“Yeah… right…” Gloam observed sagely, imitating him. “Dad, are you buying that?”
“It could be legit,” my truelove said tentatively.
“Mom can’t knit,” Gloam ratted me out.
“Shh, dear, with any luck we’ll never know what they’ve been up to.”
At least not until bed time, they wouldn’t!
—
Isha returned from her meeting while I was cooking.
“No further conflicts but Garny is afraid they’re being watched.”
“Crap. We’ll be doing the civic a favour, getting squatters out of their hair.”
“You know they won’t see it that way.”
“Nope.”
“Garny’ll send them here in small groups to minimize attention.”
“Perfect. We’ll get them safe and Twilight should be almost ready to get the rest of us Equestrians back home.”
—
“Goodnight, Gloamie. Let our guests sleep tonight.”
“Yes, mother,” she grumped and then brightened to add, “I love you!”
“Love you, mon enfant .” I turned to hug Isha. “We’ll tone things down tonight, if Gloam doesn’t behave give my door a good thump and I’ll come out and remind her.”
I hurried to join Twilight in my bedroom, fully planning to scale back the lust apocalypse.
—
Good intentions didn’t get me very far when I saw Twilight’s naked body, her cock, the rod of my desiring, already fully erect.
“What I really need right now,” I told Twilight as I knelt before her, “is your balls slapping on my chin!”
“I can arrange for that! Take it all, cocksucker,” she said as I did. Gently resting her hands on the back of my head she let me drive; she could have grabbed my ears and face-fucked me mercilessly and I would have been fine. “Ah, yeah, I could get used to this.”
So could I, I thought as I timed my breathing to our rhythm, the intimate pulse of the universe…
cock in, cock out, breath in
cock in, cock out, breath out
cock in, cock out, breath in
cock in, cock out, breath out
So maybe we weren’t exactly scaling back, but at least we were keeping quiet. For now.
I pulled my head back and kissed the tip of her penis.
“If we keep our current gender configuration when we return to Equestria, I swear I will suck your dick every night for the next hundred years. The ponies will learn to love you as their mighty Prince of Friendship. And for me alone you will wield your scepter of our very special friendship.”
“Tempting, Tanna, do you mean it?”
I was already back on her cock, the head too far back in my mouth for me to even attempt any vocalization.
Instead I put the ‘yes’ in my eyes, begging her to come for me, begging her to fuck my mouth for the next century, pouring my lust and hunger into my gaze.
“Oh! That look! That look,” she groaned loudly “I’m gonna—”
Twilight slipped one hand down to caress my throat, used the other hand to brush my hair back so she could stare into my eyes as she climaxed.
My lips in a sultry pout around the thickness of her erection, my eyes were burning beacons of desire, I gulped her semen as she ejaculated, the volume incredible as a result of the edging earlier in the day. She gushed onto my tongue where I could taste her most, where I could feel the heat of her seed. A drop escaped to trickle down my chin, but I didn’t waste much.
“I could feel you swallowing,” she commented as her touch slid up my neck to my face.
She wiped the cum off my chin and I suckled it from her fingers.
“Every drop,” I smiled. “It’s my turn, if you are so inclined my prince.”
“Very inclined. How do you want it?”
“Slow. Unless you get hard again.”
“And when I do get hard again?”
I grinned impishly.
“I want you to bucking wreck me.”
Twilight put her hand on my thigh.
“I said to go slow…”
She kissed my knee.
“Slower.”
Twilight moved to the end of the bed and kissed my foot. I smiled my approval as she began to kiss each of my toes.
“Slowly, you say, my bride?” she chuckled, pausing between toes, “This night you will beg me to hurry before I finish you.”
“Tell me about the colours of magic.”
“Mmm? That’s kinda unicorn stuff. We don’t really talk about it to other tribes.”
“I am a trained, experienced, esoteric librarian. Who better to help you research?”
“Good point,” she murmured, cheek against my anklebone.
“So I need to understand Equestrian magic so I can serve you better.”
“Well…” She lingered on my calf, and I would need to remember to wear socks which would cover the hickey “…honestly the colour doesn’t matter nearly as much as what school of magic you studied. I, of course, have studied almost everything. And then some.”
Her kisses had reached my knees, her fingertips lightly teasing my upper body. If she thought this pace would reduce me to begging, she was wrong. I could lie back and enjoy her gentle touch until dawn.
“Can any colour of magic cast spells from any school?”
“Mostly, yes. There are spells that favor certain colours, or don’t work well with others. Relatively few spells simply do not work with a specific chroma.” She nipped playfully just above my kneecap. “And there are certain spells that certain casters just cannot use. It’s not well understood.”
“Is that something you’ve studied?”
“Not really. I can cast almost anything, unless I’m not strong enough.”
Another small eternity came and went and Twilight was halfway up my thighs. My victory seemed somewhat less sure.
“Give me an example?”
I bit my lip, lest my questions became the begging she had foretold. I needed it so badly. She was winning, and she knew it, her certainty was a palpable glow, melting my resistance.
“Teleportation is the obvious one. Very few unicorns can do it and, frankly, it isn’t taught in school. Mess up a teleport and you can do some real harm.”
It had taken a lifetime for her to bathe every centimeter of my legs with her kisses but she was almost to my hip, hopefully soon to be heading centreward.
I won’t beg, I won’t beg. Even losing would be a victory of a sort. I won’t beg.
“What about—” I tried to formulate another question but my thoughts were trapped in honeyed desire and Twilight interrupted.
“Of course, there are spells that I know, that nopony else knows about.”
Barely touching me, Twilight put her mouth up to my pubic hair and blew her warm breath against my labia as she whispered a word that I couldn’t make out; only the slightest hint of her gentle heat crept into my yearning cleft. My body understood, even if I could not. It felt like everything below my navel melted as I grew wetter than I would have thought was possible. As the excess of moisture flowing from my need began to tickle its way between my ass cheeks, she pulled away and it was too much for me to endure any longer. With the merest hint of volition I opened a telepathic channel to Twilight, a wordless flood of desire and love. Twilight gasped with the intensity of my sending. No longer teasing she lowered her mouth, found my clitoris with her tongue, slipped two fingers into the humid heat of my longing.
My mind was devastated with pleasure. Twilight’s tongue rasped across my clit, her fingers probed deep inside me, the knuckle of the other fingers ground hard against my perineum on every insertion. I shrieked then as my climax began.
The telepathic link was still open and I shared my cataclysmic orgasm with my lover. Nameless instinct told me to avoid drawing from strange sources of magic while we were connected but the spell of my flesh was enough to drown mere thought and words in pleasure. My sending to Twilight was merely the mundane magic of a woman being brought to the crumbling edge of sanity by the one she loved.
Distantly I could feel what my sensations were doing to Twilight as they flooded to her over our connection. Her hips bucking against the bed, she was headed for another climax and I wanted it to take place inside my body. I couldn’t find words but the tactile imperative of need I sent her was sufficient to send her scrambling to bring her cock to me.
Roughly she grabbed my hips and flipped me over onto my stomach. She straddled my legs and spread my buttocks as my sense of alarm rose. Despite our playtime in the shower this morning, my ass was not ready for the degree of vigor her urgency promised; I didn’t need to touch her dick to know how hard it was, proprioceptive nerve impulses were leaking back over our link and I knew that she was almost painfully erect.
“Wait, Twi!” I started to say, but my voice was muffled when she pushed me face down onto the bed.
There was a moment of delirious terror. Without lubrication her cock was going to agonize my anus and there was nothing I could do about it. Twilight was too lost in the lust I had triggered to be stopped.
After all, she had a Pinkie Promise to fulfill, and she had promised to fill me.
Twilight gave a guttural roar and with a mighty thrust of her hips she plunged her rigid cock fiercely inside me.
Alarm turned into another level of pleasure as she entered me, filling my dripping pussy with her hardness. She hadn’t been aiming for my asshole at all!
“Listen,” she said.
I turned my head so I could breath.
“Ahhhnn?” I said. “You like this?”
Reaching behind me, I dug my fingers into the smooth flesh of my ass and upper thigh and spread myself wider so that Twilight could better watch herself entering me.
“One of the most important milestones of a unicorn foal’s first few years is when they find out what colour their magic is. It doesn’t really matter that much for most ponies, but everypony wants to know.”
She must have liked the view between my spread cheeks. She paused to admire the sight of her thickness stretching its way between my soaked labia – and then she was back at it, her energy increasing until she had to grab my hips to hold us together.
“Twilight?”
“Nnn?”
Still leaning head down on the pillow I asked, “do we do this too much?”
“Getting bored with it?”
“No!”
“Then don’t just lie there, it’s time to move your plot.”
I let go of my ass and raised myself up so I was supported on my knees and elbows. With every thrust she pushed me forward, but now I could push back, and did so, driving her into me, deep and hard.
“It’s almost unheard of, but super powerful unicorns, their magic colour will shift.”
Her hands moved from my hips to breasts, first cupping and squeezing, then finding nipples to tease.
“When I was a little filly, I had red magic at first.”
I moaned happily as we slammed together, over and over; the bed frame I had built imagining to endure the rut of ponies creaked with abuse.
“Before it turned pink.”
“Rose,” I said. “Your magic is a beautiful rose colour.”
Twilight’s climax was immanent and she grabbed my hair, pulling my head back.
“I love you too, you romantic dork.”
Her other hand was still on my breast and the tweaking of a nipple was just enough paint to perfectly season the overload of pleasure flooding my senses; I screamed her name. In a series of ferocious thrusts Twilight ejaculated her second load into me. For as long as her erection lasted afterwards she, continued to ride me in slow, luxurious, afterplay. I was too wobbly to push back, merely trying not to fall over as humped my tired, quivering body. Finally she popped out. After trying in vain to stick it back in, she collapsed to the side, limp of cock – and the rest of her body too.
I was bone tired from the apotheosis of pleasure, demolished by a rough ride through ecstasy, but there was one thing I had to say.
“I didn’t beg,” I gasped, my breath ragged, my lids drooping.
“No, my bride,” Twilight was breathless too, “you didn’t beg, you commanded!”
“Forgive me.”
But she was already out cold, and with her next breath she was snoring.
I closed my eyes, ready to finally sink into the dark velvet depths of well earned oblivion.
The alarmer began screeching to wake the dead.
It was morning.
—
“Did you even sleep last night? Whatever you two were doing was not toning it down.” Isha’s voice was a complex of concern and mild disapproval and suppressed longing.
“Something’s wrong with this… pan?” I said slowly.
I’d cooked eggs in the same pan for years – but for the first time I noticed that the handle was all wrong, the bottom curved upward instead of down.
Isha turned the pan over and guided me to a chair at the table.
“I got this,” she said, “it’s a wonder you can even stand.”
—
I must have fallen asleep with my head on the table. When I woke, Gloam had already finished her breakfast and Twilight was shambling into the kitchen.
“Is peanut butter toothpaste a human thing?” she asked groggily.
“I’m pretty sure it’s a Tanna and Discord thing,” Isha suggested. “It was mint, just yesterday morning.”
Gloam had returned from her post-breakfast tooth care and was grinning.
“Right. I’ll get some proper toothpaste when I pick Gloam up from school.”
“Dad! No!” Gloam’s eyes were wide with alarm. “This is the best thing that ever happened to me!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“That smile!” Twilight said, enrapt. “What is it that she knew? Did the painter say?”
I could have slept all day after such a sexual night, but I was glad I had made the effort to stay awake and take Twilight to the museum. We would return to Equestria in only a few more days – this would be her only chance to see the best art humanity had to offer. It would take weeks just to glance at everything in the holographic exhibition; in half a day we had made a lightning tour of highlights. At a pace of ten-ish minutes per century we skimmed three thousand years of human art from the close of the iron age to the present. Current location in history as Twilight stared at a timeless portrait: renaissance Italy.
“Nobody knows. For over a thousand years that has been the question that nobody can answer. Of all the art produced on Terra, this is one of the most widely known images we ever created.”
“It’s… it was worth visiting your world just to see this. Is the original on display somewhere?”
“Nah, it was destroyed by terrorists in the twenty first century.”
“That other painting I was staring at,” Twilight said as we left a projection corridor behind, “can we also get a poster of it? To put up in the castle.”
I laughed and led her to the holomuseum gift shop.
—
A shop kiosk supplied posters on demand of the works we chose for the castle. Mona Lisa would preside over one of the reading nooks in the general access library; a tasteful seduction scene of the Neo-Atavist movement would grace our bedchamber.
“She looks a little like you, I think.”
Twilight was still musing upon the greatest erotic masterpiece of the twenty fourth century.
“I’m far too gracile to fill her luxurious bodice.” I pantomimed the act of supporting breasts significantly larger than my own.
“And she’s too light coloured,” Twilight said of the Inca maid in the painting, “it’s that look of innocent hunger I’m talking about. I’ve seen that look in your eyes.”
“He’s almost as big as you.” I bumped my hip against hers. “She’s got a lot to hunger for.”
Speaking of what a wife might hunger for, my panties were plastered uncomfortably to my crotch after indulging in my hunger for Twilight, bent over a toilet in a museum restroom. The sooner I could get home, cleaned up, and changed, the better.
My attention was on Twilight as I hurried, so I nearly ran into the woman who had come around the corner in front of me.
“Tangent?”
I recoiled a second time.
She was no less surprised than I – for a moment we simply stared.
Her eyes flickered to Twilight, taking in the subtilties of our body language, the nuanced energy between my husband and me. A woman in her line of work had to be able to read a relationship in the blink of an eye.
“Is she your…?” Twilight left the question hanging. I’d told her some of the woes of growing up as me.
“Yes. We’re going now.” I grabbed Twilight’s arm and pulled her the other direction.
And so our paths separated forev—
“Wait!” my mother cried out, “please.”
I stopped, but did not turn to face her.
“I’m on medication. I don’t hate males and obsess about order any more. And I got a nano-wired implant installed in my brain. I’m a different person—” she paused “—most of the time.”
For another moment I stood, frozen, deciding how to react. Deciding how I felt.
“Are you still…?”
“An expensive whore for the rich and the oligarchim filth?” she asked with sardonic amusement. “Yes. I don’t have to be insane to hate them.”
“Sleeping your way to the top.”
“I’m fucking my way to the top. I only sleep with men I can trust. That hasn’t happened in decades.”
My mother walked around to face us – her eyes widened when she saw wings folded on Twilight’s back.
“Are you an angel‽”
“Uh, n-no,” Twilight was startled by the question “I’m not from this world, but I’m no angel.”
“Please, sir,” she said to Twilight, “be good to my little boy. His mother was a monster.” Turning back to me she continued, “it’s okay if you’re like that, Tangent, as long as its what makes you happy and not just a reaction to how I mistreated you. That wouldn’t be right for you or him.”
Concerned about our well-being? Maybe she had changed – but clearly she could not see how I had.
I was wearing pants instead of a skirt and a baggy old-grey windbreaker against the chill weather – it hid the changes to my figure.
I relented enough to explain, “You got your wish finally, I’m a real girl now, just like you always wanted. You can call me Tanna.”
“You, a girl? You mock me,” she grated skeptically.
“Not I. It was magic. I have a period. I gave birth to my husband’s child.” I leaned closer to Twilight. “I bit through the cord with my teeth.”
“And the stump?” she demanded.
“Three of my own hairs, plaited, tied in a Lady’s Knot to stop the bleeding.”
“You’ve learned more art than you ever would have at my knee. It seems impossible.”
“Such things happen.”
“Did you do this?”
My mother turned to Twilight.
“Er, yes, it was a forbidden spell, but I did it and I’m pretty happy with the results.”
Aw, Twilight…
“I always avoided magic, when I was younger. I fucked a magician for a while. He was the kindest of my clients, but he was always showing up just when I was going to murder little Tangent. He scared me enough times that I stopped trying.”
She paused, realizing that she should be embarrassed to have admitted attempting to kill a little boy. But it was the simple truth. Cruel as she had been, mother had always been honest to a fault.
“I’m glad now, of course, that I failed. Are you pleased with the change, ‘Tanna’?”
“I am, Mother.”
“I’m sorry I did not accept you as you were born, but it’s not so bad being a woman.” Unguessable depths of experience dwelt in the almost-smile that lifted one corner of her mouth. “When may I meet my only grandchild?”
The unexpectedly casual mood was shattered - my blood ran cold at any risk of exposing Gloam to the abuse I had endured.
“I forbid it,” I snapped. “As difficult as it is, I will forgive you for my childhood. But if you ever try to contact my daughter behind my back I swear by the Lady Hel that I will kill you. Please know I am blooded.”
For a moment she was silent.
All of the pride and rage I remembered from childhood showed on her face; I would no longer cower before her.
I could see her fight against the darkness of our shared past.
She struggled.
And won.
“I understand.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. “I will abide by your will, it’s all I can do to show my repentance. Can you truly forgive me?”
“I forgave the man who raped me, I can forgive you.”
She didn’t need to know that I struck him dead before reaching that clarity – I still expected her to cringe at the comparison.
She didn’t flinch.
“I’m surprised you don’t hate me even more than him.”
I was staring like a fish out of water as I realized I didn’t hate her.
There was pain in my memories, anger, lingering bitterness even, but, “I’ve got Twilight, and Gloam, and Isha,” I said, “and so many friends in my new home. I don’t have room in my heart for hate, Mommy.”
The childish pronoun slipped out of my mouth unexpectedly, startling us both. I had never dared to call her that before.
“I would dearly love to know your child. Maybe you will give me a chance to prove that I have changed, and then consent to a meeting.”
“We’re leaving soon, forever. Else, I would give you that chance. It would probably be better for you if you can pretend we did not meet today. I may gain some notoriety before I go.”
“A token?” she pled, “something to remind me that I have one daughter who rose above the evil of her childhood.”
Without thought or hesitation my hand rose to my throat. The locket I wore was a cheap trinket of mass produced platinum, but the pictures inside would be priceless to the tormented woman facing me. I snapped the mag-chain from my neck and dangled the locket before her; she snatched it up like a lifeline, like salvation.
Her hands shook as she fumbled it open. The pictures inside, Gloam on one side, me on the other, were almost a year out of date but that didn’t matter, she was drinking in the tiny images.
“She’s got a tint of her father’s colour.”
“Yep. And she’s super smart like her dad, too. Even more trouble than I was,” I couldn’t help bragging.
Mother placed her hand low on her belly. “I swear,” she said, “by the womb that carried you, child, this is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for—”
“Away, then. You don’t want to be interrogated about what I’m up to. You won’t be able to tell them what you don’t know, and it won’t go well for you.”
“Alright.” She stood there awkwardly. I realized what she wanted and released Twilight’s hand. Mother hugged me, clumsily, for the first and last time in my life. “I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry. I was broken, I am broken. If you’re even somewhat okay its more than I could dare to hope for.”
For a moment longer she held the embrace and then released me, putting her hands on my shoulders.
“Your father!” she said with a new urgency, “I found out whose sperm they used to impregnate me, girl—”
“I’ve met him,” I said, interrupting before she might speak a name it was unhealthy to be heard saying. Her eyes were wide at my revelation, but I didn’t let her draw the topic out. “He commanded me to face you. But now we must part.”
She hurried away, afraid to look back. Watching her leave I knew that a burden I had not even realized I bore, was now gone.
Twilight stood looking back and forth between us, resting her gaze on me when my mother was gone from sight.
“That smile…” Twilight said.
And then she wept.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“So tell me,” Discord asked with an easy, deceptive, casualness that didn’t decept me for a moment, “about the noise cancellation device in your boudoir . Is it magical or mundane?”
“Mundane, simple electronic technology. It creates—”
“I understand the wave mechanics of active sound cancellation; I can do it myself when I have magic to spare. I merely inquire regarding the operational mechanism of the apparatus driving the effect, as an ineffectual feint to put you off your guard when I broach an awkward topic. Now then, I must ask, was there a particular reason for turning said device off during your most outstanding vocal performance of exuberant erodivergent mayhem last night?”
I looked away to hide my blush. Twilight was positively glowing with embarrassment, her face red-violet.
“How much did you hear?” she asked.
“Mostly just the screaming,” Isha offered, encouragingly.
“And the roar,” Discord added.
“I’m sorry. I must have turned it off by accident. How embarrassing!”
“I wasn’t going to say anything about it until he opened his big, chaotic, mouth.”
Isha elbowed Discord in the ribs.
“I promise,” I said in a small voice, “we’ll try to keep it quiet. Before long you’ll be wondering if we even still like each other.”
“Don’t be silly,” Discord said, “don’t be embarrassed, you are among friends, and this is your residence, Tanna. I simply ask that future nights are more peaceful than last night.”
“Yes sir.”
—
In the darkened living room, two guests tried to sleep on two sofas. The sounds coming through the wall had been still for a while but now they were louder than ever.
Finally Discord spoke into the darkness.
“I do appreciate your efforts to be more demure than our enthusiastic hostess, but it is only fair to tell you that I can hear your heartbeat.”
Absent other indicators, a racing pulse peaking at an aerobic crescendo in time with the howls from the next room, before returning to rest rate, had told its own story.
“Oh,” said Isha, blushing in the darkness. She had only been moving one single fingertip, nothing more, but apparently she was discovered. “I’m sorry. If you need some privacy for self care, I can leave for a while.”
“Thank you, but no. I have gone centuries at a time without sexual release. I can wait until I am reunited with the pony I love.”
“Centuries? I don’t know whether to praise your self-control or weep for you.”
“Once I am returned to Fluttershy’s cottage, you needn’t do either.”
“What’s she like, this Fluttershy? Tanna and Twilight both seem to be good friends with her.”
“Imagine a terrible magical beast, with incredible, wild, power. Indifferent and arbitrary. And like as not to eventually destroy the world just to watch everypony run around with their manes on fire. Not specifically to hurt anypony out of ill will, you see, just to take in the spectacle.”
“That’s your lover?”
“No, that would be me. And she has defeated me with her kindness, her gentle heart, and her obstinate goodness.”
Silence fell again.
And in that silence, Isha wept that a world of such fairy-tale wonder would be forever out of her reach.
—
Gloam had drawn eyes on one end of her pillowcase and folded the pillow in half to make a mouth.
I smiled as pillow-monster menaced an assortment of terrified toy animals.
“Ahm gawn’ eatchewwww!” Gloam growled at them, moving the pillow’s mouth as it ‘spoke’.
“Oh, no!” I squeaked and made one of the plushie critters run ineffectually from its predator.
The pillow pounced, fold-mouth gaping hungrily.
“Rawwwr!”
I blushed again as Gloam roared exactly like her father had roared the night before.
—
After sending Gloam to bed we congregated around the kitchen table for a last cup of coffee.
I struggled to think how I could assure our guests that we would not disturb their rest, without inflicting too much information upon them. If we limited ourselves, tonight, to missionary position, lights out, no talking, one time only, we might keep the noise level under control. Being very careful with the sound suppressor would help too.
As I reflected, Twilight stood. She took my hand, and bowed graciously over it.
“May I have the pleasure of your company for a stroll in the evening air, Missus Sparkle?”
“Why, certainly sir,” I attempted to match her sudden formality. “Will we be promenading along the avenue?”
“The roof, I was thinking. We can perhaps see the stars from there.”
And perhaps nobody would hear us up there. Our previous rooftop excursions had been discreet enough, with no witnesses that we knew of. Before long I’d be bent over the railing, with my skirts hiked up around my waist.
“If you’ll excuse me for just a moment, I should powder my nose before stepping out.”
When I returned from the toilet Twilight took me by the arm to escort me forth. At close range she was able to initiate a telepathic connection.
,,If you were wearing panties under that dress, I hope you took them off. Otherwise I’m going to snap the waistband and rip them off of you and chuck them over the edge,,
It was a shame, really. I was wearing one of my favorite pairs and I would hate to lose them. But how could I resist a threat like that?
Isha and Discord couldn’t hear Twilight’s silent words, but they surely had to have heard my involuntary whimper of desire as the door closed behind us.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“I can tell something’s up.” Miss Smiley made like her name. “Gloam’s been excited all week and won’t tell me anything.”
Perhaps I should have been more cautious and kept her home from school. I knew Gloam could keep from telling a secret, but hiding her anticipation was maybe a bit much to ask of a child her age.
“Don’t you worry,” I said, mirroring her expression, “keep hush and all will be clear next week.”
“Oh—” For an instant the smile faltered, as if she knew that she would never see us again. When it returned, it didn’t quite ring true. “—I won’t say a thing, but I hope it’s something wonderful and, um, and you have a good life.”
Smiley was one of the few teachers who knew that my long missing husband had returned. It wasn’t a great stretch of imagination to conclude that Gloam and I might depart to parts unknown now that our family was united.
Before I could think of anything to say that might be comforting without giving away too much information, the ground shook from some nearby impact. Without looking, I knew it couldn’t be anything good and pushed Smiley back into the tunnel leading from the fortified school complex. I turned to gather Gloam before the blast doors closed and seal the bunker exit. Something large was moving at the top of the ramp but my number one priority was Gloam – she was herding a group of younger children back down the ramp. Together we were able to get them to safety, but the door was already closing. We jumped back after rolling the youngest of the Psmythe brood under the descending door. I’d butted heads with the pretentious matron of the Psmythes more than once – and she’d never know that Gloam and I had probably just thrown our lives away saving her offspring.
With our escape cut off, I could finally look around and see what the actual threat was.
At the top of the exit ramp there were three figures in power armor. I didn’t recognize the insignia on their shoulders as belonging to any of the legions who operate in this sector of the galaxy – an eye with a serpentine protuberance writhing from each corner, the entanglements thereof forming an almost recognizable symbol. All three of them towered a good four metres tall and one of them held an honest to chaos gigantic butterfly net, large enough to a half dozen school children. Plenty of room for Gloam and me if we couldn’t get away. The two flankers spread out from the netter to make sure we couldn’t evade him. With all of their organs of observation, whatever they might have, focused on us, there were no potential blind spots that we could slip into and my pseudo-invisibility technique was useless.
“Bollards,” I thought vainly as they hemmed us in. A barrier of tall bollards might slow oversized armored antagonists, while giving humans mobility to flee.
Gloam and I joined hands to make a run for it as the net came down.
We tried to duck beyond the descending net, but the rim clipped my head and the hunt scene ended.
—
“Mom?”
I didn’t move when the ache in my head brought me back to consciousness, but Gloam must have heard my breathing change.
“Yeah,” I whispered into the absolute darkness. “Where are we?”
“Don’t move, there’s an edge. A huge spaceship. They think you’re my big sister.”
I’ve been called worse, I thought.
Lights came on and I cautiously appraised our situation. Gloam and I were alone on a circular platform suspended in the centre of a round cylinder. The depths below us were lost in shadow and ceiling above was a mess of pipes and wires. A catwalk extended to a door in the wall of the cylinder. Opposite the door, and unreachable without flight, was a window. By my guess, we were in a disused reaction mass tank, converted for some twisted spectacle.
I stood, but before I could think of braving the narrow, rail-less, catwalk to try the door. It opened to admit another armored figure, also wearing the unknown insignia. With each step his boots latched to the iron grating. Pushing him off the catwalk, if I even could push something that heavy, wasn’t going to be an option. As he drew neared, I estimated that he stood a metre taller than me.
“Aren’t you a little short for an imperial trooper?”
“I’d fuck you both to death for that remark but Mister Wiggly likes his meat still wiggling.”
I had actually hoped that he wouldn’t understand Standard Terran, it wasn’t a good sign that he did, but it did explain why I didn’t see a translator mounted to his armor.
“What’s—”
“And it’s time to get dinner.”
He looked expectant, like he had just set up a joke and was waiting for the correct reply.
“Uh, what’s dinner?” I asked when his impatience grew. Presumably the answer was us.
“No, no, no. You’re supposed to ask what do you get for dinner.”
“What do we get for dinner?”
“You get fed to Mister Wiggly!” he said, laughing at his own joke.
I didn’t ask again what Mister Wiggly was. The answer, if one had been forthcoming, couldn't be anything good.
“Clothes off,” he continued. “Fabric gives him constipation. Nothin’ worse than having my whole arm up his ass trying to fish out some bitch’s underwear.”
I could imagine worse ways of approaching said body part, but facing his motorized bulk, we weren’t in any position to argue. At a gestured command, we tossed our garments into the pit and stood naked.
Unassailable in his armor he looked down upon us with contempt.
“Make love to your sister,” he ordered.
There was no way I would molest my child but if we pretended like we might comply, maybe I could buy a little time. Surely a rescue effort was already under way. And if this headache would relent, I might actually be able to think of something to do with that time.
“If we do, you’ll let us go?” I asked.
“No, but if you do, I can delay feeding time for as long as you keep it interesting.”
I spat at his feet.
“I will go virgin to my wedding bed,” Gloam declared stepping closer to the edge, “or to my grave.”
Even a shrimp like this guy could flick us across the room with one hand, but Gloam had him beat when it came to defiant energy and hauteur. If only the Terran spells that I could be permitted to use included something combat worthy. Flinging him at the far wall would be perfect, but I had used untrained Equestrian power for that working. With a witness present, I mustn’t.
“I am the chaplain of the shipsgod, I could marry you to your sister and your grave could be your wedding bed, too.”
I took Gloam’s hand and stepped to stand at the edge with her. If his monster wanted live meat, it was going to be disappointed if he took so much as one step towards us.
Defeated, he turned and stalked away.
The door slammed like a tonne of steel, leaving us alone on the platform. We moved away from the edge and I swept my daughter into my arms.
“You were so brave, honey! Death before dishonor.”
“Mom, I’m so sorry for ratting you about about knitting.”
“What?”
I had no idea what she was talking about.
“Oh, after my prank with Discard.”
Yesterday? The day before? It seemed like an event from another lifetime.
“Can you ever forgive me?” she asked earnestly.
I disentangled one arm from our embrace and held up one fist.
“Baby, it was nothing, I’ve already forgotten.” Gloam bumped fist with me. “And everypony knows, Gloam never rats!”
“I didn’t want to die with that hanging over me.”
“You’re not dying at all, if I have any say in it.”
But it was an empty boast if I didn’t figure something out fast, I could hear something squelching beneath us, and the sound was getting louder. The light down below wasn’t good and Mister Wiggles was hard to see among the shadows. At first I suspected that it might not even be made of proper matter, but as it drew nearer we saw that it appeared to be comprised of translucent, gelatinous, but material, flesh. It looked like a bacterium, gown huge. A cylindrical body was covered with dozens of hand sized eyes surrounding a gashlike mouth. Each end of the cylinder tapered into a single tentacle; it was using the pair to climb the wall towards the catwalk that would grant it access to our perch. Looking at it I realized what the markings on the crew’s armor represented. From that realization, it wasn’t far to decipher the rune formed by the stylized tentacles. No unit of the Legion would fight under such a mark of heresy. Whatever was inside the power armor was no servant of the Emperor.
But the creature menacing me, their mascot or shipsgod, was it just a grotesque animal, or did it actually have intellect? Simple observation didn’t reveal its nature, and we were running out of time to speculate. It had almost reached a level with us.
“Gloam, climb on my shoulders, maybe you can reach the pipes.”
She’d be uncatchable, like a rabid spider monkey, if she could get in among the nest of plumbing.
“What about you?”
At least she was obeying, climbing as she asked.
“Try to find me a weapon, or a loose cable that I can climb.”
Slightly unsteady, she stood on my shoulders.
“How far?” I shouted up to her. Wiggles was on the walk, and headed for us.
“Half a meter!”
“Stand on my hands!”
At the gym I could do a handstand for a full minute. Gloam was still slightly shorter than me and weighed several kilos less. I should be able to lift her straight up to where she could reach.
Something wet touched my ankle and pure loathing catalyzed the imperative to protect my offspring. My arms shot straight up, propelling Gloam into the air above me. My elbows locked and she flew towards safety.
She didn’t come back down.
I could hear her scampering among the pipes above, safe for the moment. Both tentacles had reached me and one was already past my knee. In vain I tried to pry it off of me.
These were not the penile tentacle dicks of depraved dreams. These were brutal, prey rending, tearers, ready to rip me limb from limb. One was coiled around my legs, and the other had me by the waist. A cold tip was planted right between my ass cheeks, seeking not penetration, but leverage to reduce me to bite sized pieces. As it began to pull, I realized that this was my chance. If I used my Equestrian magic to portal Gloam across just as I died, I could save her without violating the command of the pony goddess. She said I must not reveal my power while I lived; this could be just the loophole I needed. But would my death release enough power to save Gloam and destroy the monster? It would have to.
As I focused myself for an act of sophistry that might damn me, the door blew inward with the room-shaking krunk of an explosion.
“Get your filthy tentacles off my waifu!”
Smoke swirled and Twilight stood in the doorway,one hand raised, ready to discharge the power gathered for our ride to Equestria as a single blast into Mister Wiggles. Before she could attack, a cry sounded from above.
“Yiiiiiii!”
Gloam leapt from her perch among the pipes, landing almost knee deep in Mister Wiggly. She was holding a rusty length of iron and even as an expression of utter revulsion crept over her face, she began striking the boneless bulk of the creature she was standing in. Unfortunately, she also blocked Twilight’s shot.
Before Twilight could search for another target area, Edna charged into the room as Beulah covered her from the door.
“Ewwww! Ewwww! Ewwww!” Gloam shrieked, hopping from foot to foot, as she beat at Mister Wiggles. The jagged end of her field expedient weapon ripped an eye out of the translucent surface of its body with each blow.
The tentacles preparing to split me in two whipped loose with a staccato snapping of suction cups popping free from my skin. I wrestled the first one I could grab to keep it away from my daughter; the other grabbed me by the waist again to free its fellow, allowing me to keep them both occupied.
“Control!” Beulah yelled into her comset as she sprayed the observation windows across the tank with suppression fire from her smartgun,“Are you getting this?”
Before the monster could defend itself, Edna had reached Wiggles and hoisted Gloam up onto her shoulder. With her free hand she unlimbered a massive pistol from her belt and proceeded to blast a row of improbably large holes in the mid-section of Mister Wiggles’s body. Each shot was louder then the charge which had blown the door. Before the echoes of gunfire died out, tentacles went limp and ceased to thrash; I relinquished my grasp since they were no longer seeking my daughter.
“No fucking shit it’s illegal,” Beulah was yelling at the radio again, “it’s a fucking class three! Five minutes, people! They’re unloading cargo and then they’re going to lift the fuck off! Orbital is already clearing their flightpath.”
“Neutralized, let’s go!”
Edna signaled Twilight and me towards the door.
As we ran, Beulah whipped around.
“Hostile!” she yelled and then the smartgun spoke. “Neutralized! I have point!”
Twilight and I followed Beulah, with Edna and Gloam close behind.
“I can run, too!” Gloam insisted. Edna gave a single sharp whistle – ahead of us Beulah stopped, weapon ready against any defenders who might present themselves before her for slaughtering. After permitting Gloam to wiggle down to the floor, Edna looked happier with better weapons mobility. She took a moment to deactivate the mags and shrugged out of her uniform blouse and handed it to me. Under her top she wore what appeared to be a bulletproof brassier. I drew the blouse and, not bothering with the closures, I nodded that I was ready to continue. She gave two whistles and gestured onward, covering the rear with a pistol in each hand.
Twilight and I took Gloam’s hands and as a family, we ran.
—
“The shipgod’s prey will not escape. He prefers his meat alive, but none will live to tell the tale!”
Exiting the ship, the way was blocked by three marines in full battle gear and one officer in light command armor. Beulah was still enmeshed in the armature of the smartgun and emptied an entire belt. The officer was only cut partially in two, unlike the marines. They say that one imperial marine is worth more than ten thousand men – and three and a half of them had just been bisected by one tough old lady from Terra. Augmented biology wasn’t going to save them when all those extra extra organs were strewn across the landing pad. Point for the home team.
“Mom,” Gloam said, looking at the fallen Imperial Captain, “I hate these guys. Can I poop on his face?”
“No! We don’t have time to torment the dying. He’ll bleed out in no time.”
In addition to a gap in his abdomen large enough to stand in, Edna had placed tight clusters of three shots in each of his shoulders when he tried to draw his sidearm.
Laughter sounded from no particular direction in baffling echos. Something about it sounded familiar.
“End his life,” Hel commanded, “I claim his soul.”
I would have left him to find peace which whatever distant god he was faithful to before death took him, but if the Queen of the Damned demanded my service, I must obey.
Holding my hand out, I accepted a knife from Beulah.
I placed the tip of the blade to his skin.
“The ship god is dead. And so are you.”
He didn’t flinch as I sank the blade into his carotid.
With our way clear, once more we ran.
—
“What the hell was that gun? The loud one.”
I didn’t want to spend any longer thinking about what we had just escaped and sought refuge in small talk. My ears were still ringing, so it seemed reasonable to ask about the weapon.
“This, my friend—” Edna described the hand-cannon at her hip affectionately “—is a Coltnakov 1912. Modeled after the famous Colt 1911, but scaled up for archaic twelve gauge munitions. Nobody makes that ammo any more, I sourced these loads from the Web.” She ignored my sharp intake of breath at the mention of that dark unknown. “Today I was packing soft target rounds designed especially for making big, gooshy, holes in invertebrates.”
“You just about turned Mister Wiggles inside out.”
“Sure did,” she said happily as we jogged up to their transport. She really looked to be in her element, defending the extraction. “My small guns are an authentic 1911’s, rechambered for standard 12mm, packing armor piercing fragmentation rounds. Coming aboard!”
Beulah covered as we entered the transport; inside I was delighted to find Isha and Discord – watching a weapon console and a surveillance screen, respectively.
—
I stood between the pilot and EWO positions as they secured a high performance exit from the port facility. In a moment we were meshed with normal traffic and they relaxed enough to speculate what had brought the ship to Terra.
“I wish I knew what the fuck they were hauling, must be pretty hot stuff if imperial renegades are selling it. And someone must want it really bad to risk letting them land.”
“Probably some new drug or weapon. With luck we’ll never know.” Beulah wasn’t so much terse, as practical. With luck, they’d never need to know.
“I’ll sniff it out. One way or another.”
I didn’t doubt it, I thought as I headed back to the crew compartment to check on Gloam and everyone.
When Edna had grabbed herself a spare top, Twilight raided the locker for something Gloam could wear. Beulah’s tank top hung so low on her it left her nipples exposed; I tied off the shoulder straps to shorten them, and it looked like a simple dress.
“Hey.” Beulah had put the transport on autopilot and join us, aft, a moment later. “I’ve been in touch with control. We made it out clean, we’re not being tracked or followed.”
She paused.
“Confirmed,” Edna said with a glance at her workstation. “Not picking up any tracking, it’s like we were invisible. Whatever contraband they were bringing in, the whole sector’s security was disabled so that there would be no record of it arriving, and that means no record that we were at the landing pad. This goes all the way to the top.”
And nobody here wanted to mess with ‘the top’.
“So you’re safe,“ the commander picked up. “We can have you kids home in forty minutes.”
“Fuck that!” Twilight adopted Terran idiom for her exclamation. “We’re all going to the water park!”
Why did everyone look at me for confirmation?
“Uh, what?”
“Are you hurt?” she asked. “Is anyone hurt?”
“No.”
Heads shook in agreement.
“So let’s go celebrate being alive. If there’s one thing I learned from Pinkie (and unfortunately I’ve learned a lot more than just one) it’s that the cure for a near death adventure is a party.”
—
Crazy as it seemed, our next stop was indeed the World Wide Wet.
I authorized Twilight and Discord to access my tab and shunted them off towards the men’s lounge and locker to acquire swimwear and meet us at the nearby open air bar before we all headed to the water.
At the suitvend in the women’s lounge, I started to pick a modest one piece from the customizable collection of instantly instanciatable intraaquatic investure.
Isha reached past me and scrolled the display.
“You are not wearing a frumpy suit like that for your husband on my watch. Here.”
She guided me towards the skimpiest bikinis on offer.
“I am not wearing a fucking clit sling that’s gonna get lost between my lips!”
“I want to wear a fucking clit sling!” Gloam chirped out merrily, having successfully transformed from mommy’s rescuer to l’enfant terrible .
“Gloam! Language! This isn’t Gallop, you’ll wear an age appropriate suit for a little girl. It will cover your bits and it will have ruffles .”
And it did, too. But I hadn’t specified the direction of the ruffles. She had dialed the fabric colour to within a demi-shade of her own skin, creating a nude look,which combined with the long-wise ruffles created an uncanny mermaid effect. A sea-shell top worn over the tankini perfected the haunted ocean fairy-tale look.
But in the mean time I had found something suitably daring for myself without actually doing the opposite of covering myself. A moment later I had donned the newly created article.
“Satisfied?” I asked, presenting myself to Isha.
“Twinsies!” she said.
I had not cleared the suitvend when I sent my order to the fabricator, and Isha had simply had my creation fabbed in her size.
“Uh, are you sure you want to wear my husband’s mark like that, there?”
I had customized my bikini to match Twilight’s light purple colour, and decorated the largest single expanse of fabric, a fitted inverted triangle, with a rose star backed by a white counterstar. Of the five small stars which completed the mark, three were on the smaller triangle of fabric where the thong joined the waist ties behind, and the other two were strategically located on the upper piece of the garment. The sign of Twilight now adorned my body, and Isha’s too. It looked good on her.
“That’s his personal mark? I thought it was just an Equestria thing.”
“Nope, each pony has a unique mark, and getting your mark is one of the greatest days in a pony’s life.”
“Oh, well everyone else is ready to go, so I guess I’m stuck with it.”
Gloam, Edna and Beulah were all waiting on us.
“Oh, come on then.”
I took her hand and pulled her after me.
We found the boys already at the bar, already drinking.
Discord had figured out the swimsuit customization interface well enough to have blue and pink butterflies printed all over his new yellow trunks. They didn’t look like Fluttershy’s butterflies, but surely the thought would count.
“Lookin’ good dude! If Fluttershy could see you now, she’d be like, ‘impregnate me now! (If you don’t mind)’.”
“Well, maybe not exactly ,” he protested. “But I dare say she might opine that I do strike quite a figure.”
He cut a comical pose and I couldn’t imagine Fluttershy doing anything other than dragging him under a beach umbrella for a little “fire and chaos”.
Twilight’s laughter prompted me to pay closer attention to what she was wearing. In contrast to Discord’s baggy trunks, Twilight wore skin tight racing briefs in wetlook silver, gleaming despite clouds that had moved in to block the low winter sun. It looked like she had girt her loins with a narrow band of mercury, with a nearly invisible magclasp promising sudden access on demand to what lay beneath.
I realized that I was staring, but I didn’t stop. I semi-noticed Discord elbow Twilight in the ribs in a companionable, “I told you!” way.
Gloam saw her chance in my distraction.
“Isha and I are gonna go ride the slides, right Isha?”
She blinked up at Isha with large bright eyes – Isha didn’t stand a chance.
“Go ahead, sweetie,” I said, still staring at a very glossy package. “Take your time.”
Twilight and Discord got new drinks, while Beulah, Edna and I collected our firsts. Casually we all retired to the lazy river for a relaxing float. Twilight and I faced each other across a single large inner tube, while three smaller tube completed our riverine phalanx.
Drifting in the current, it hardly seemed real that mere hours ago Gloam and I had been on the verge of death. A light drizzle had started to fall, but the warmth of the lazy river drove away any chill.
“Mmm, Princess,” I murmured as I sipped at something fruity, fancy, and rum based which she had ordered for me, “you’re right. This is a billion percent-times better than going home and cowering in my domicile.”
“Trust me,” she said, “I’ll take good care of you.”
“Please?” I pleaded.
We moved closer together in the rain, inverse to each other. If we were to reprise a deed we had performed on our last visit to the water park, with an honor guard consisting of Discord taking point and the two combat grannies flanking us, nobody would notice.
—
“Mom, mom, mom!”
Gloam’s shout roused me from my afterward languor just in time to get the splash from her cannonball in my face and hope that her mini-tsunami didn’t capsize us. Isha slipped into the water with hardly a ripple as Gloam surfaced at my side. Discord tipped over as the wave hit his inner tube.
“Mom, I went down the big slide! The big one!”
“Are you old enough for that?”
“No,” Isha said, “she isn’t old enough. But she’s faster than the lifeguard.”
After her escapade at the amusement park a few weeks back, why was I even surprised?
“I went down backward!” she boasted. “And then I hit the water so hard, water went up my butt!”
“Oh, gods.” I covered my face with both hands. One wasn’t enough to hide my efforts not to laugh. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I didn’t quite make it to the toilet, but I took a shower.”
“Isha?”
“I tipped the restroom attendant about twice what she earns in a week.”
“Good, thank you.” I finally uncovered my face and noticed Twilight still staring in shock. “Twi, are you alright?”
“Holy mother of Celestia, what did we do?”
Gloam grinned proudly, enjoying her father’s reaction.
“What did we create?”
“Isn’t she great? Let’s all go ride the rapids together and then get some dinner.”
—
After dinner, we parted with Beulah and Edna and took the transit back to my place. Their intel resources were still confident that we had made a clean escape, benefiting from a security lapse designed to cover an entirely unrelated crime. Had to wonder what the eff was being unloaded. But still it might be better if they didn’t show themselves near my home just in case they were being watched. Or if we were.
Before bed, I conferred with Isha.
“Let’s send Garny and crew to Gallop tomorrow. I don’t want them getting stuck if some other random bullshit takes me out. Can you let them know in the morning?”
“Sure. I’d think you were being paranoid if I hadn’t seen what happened today.”
“It’s no wonder she’s paranoid,” Twilight said, “living in a place like this. Can’t even walk a foal home from school safely.”
“You think my neighborhood is bad? You should see the B side of town!”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
I don’t normally sleep in on a Saturday, but after nearly dying, and then celebrating not dying, I apparently slept right through the alarmer’s outraged shrieking.
Twilight was just stepping into the bathroom as I sat up.
“Are the kids awake?” I asked.
“Isha’s out rousting Garny’s peeps. She took Gloam and Discord with her, as well as a couple very serious gentlemen who apparently work for Bear.”
I rolled out of bed and oriented myself approximately perpendicular to gravity without opening my eyes.
“Mmmkay.”
If Bear had arranged for security, I wouldn’t bother worrying at all. With them all out of the domicile, I also wouldn’t bother putting any clothes on before finding something to drink for my sandpaper tongue. I must have been mildly allergic to Mister Wiggly. Sinuses were congested and I felt like I’d been mouth-breathing all night.
Bleary-eyed, I wandered out to the kitchen more by sonar than sight.
A glass of juice improved the mouth situation –I no longer felt like I could seal envelopes with my tongue even without any glue– but I was still groggy as hell. I stumbled as far as the kitchen door and leaned against the door frame as I had a good scratch.
“Hey Twilight,” I yelled when I heard the toilet flush, “are you gonna get your dick out here and fuck me while we’ve got some privacy?”
If she replied, I didn’t hear her.
Instead I heard, “Tanna, you may wish to retreat to your bedroom without looking around yourself.”
I looked around.
In my defense, I knew that given a safety critical situation Bear wouldn’t phrase an important survival tip like it was merely a suggestion.
“Aphrodite Anadyomene ascending! Why didn’t you tell me?”
A dozen pairs of eyes stared bigly as I rubbed at my crotch, sticky from the dried remnants of last night’s intimacy. I wasn’t technically masturbating for pleasure, but I wouldn’t count on anyone believing me if I told them so. It had felt good to take care of the itch and I hadn’t exactly been quiet about it.
It was pointless to cover my nudity, and perhaps not the best timing to advance the “it’s just natural” argument. Composing myself, I addressed my unexpected audience.
“Excuse me, I didn’t see you there. I’ll hope that you can do me the kindness of pretending that you never saw me.”
Steadily, in control, I walked to my bedroom, gently closed the door, took a deep breath, and collapsed against the door trying not to melt from embarrassment.
“Hey, did you say something while I was in the john?”
Twilight emerged from the bathroom.
“Honeeeeeey, can you fuck me so rough that I forget the last two minutes of my life?”
“What?”
“Can you just punch me out? I don’t want to be conscious right now.”
“What?” she repeated and I explained my self inflicted humiliation.
“Oh, Tanna, you dorky, dorky, dorky , dork-dork, I love you. I have something even better than a concussion and it’s much better friendship than spousal abuse.”
I felt a little bit of hope as I looked at her.
“There’s a short interval forget spell—”
“But I don’t want you to use up any of your power and keep us here longer than absolutely necessary. Not even ten seconds! I want to go home to Equestria.”
“This spell is simple enough that I think you can cast it with your Terran power.”
“Will it be okay to teach me?”
“No,” she said with a smirk, “but if you forget the spell at the same time you forget about putting on a show for everybody, Arcane Control has nothing to complain of, right? Now follow after me…”
—
I smiled up at Twilight.
“I must have still been half asleep when you made your move,” I said. “I don’t remember how this started, but I like how it finished.”
She paused before the withdrawal and dismount.
“You started it,” she admitted.
That was news to me, but I could roll with it.
“I think I approve of whatever I was dreaming at the time, I just wish I remembered it! Are the kids back yet?”
“No, but a buncha Garny’s people are waiting in your living room.”
“Oh! It’s a good thing you said something, I might have walked out there butt naked.”
I didn’t want to even imagine the level of embarrassment a faux pas like that would lead to.
—
My domicile was fuller than ever before. The entire surviving group of evicted wanderers, a group of thirty-seven men, women, and children, had crowded into a living space that had seemed roomy enough with five. But the tight quarters would be good for practicing the coordination they would need to fit through the portal fast enough. I estimated that I could keep it open at least a hundred seconds if I stayed at the sending end instead of going through.
“Okay people,” I addressed the packed room, “I told you to bring one backpack of Robinson Caruso type supplies per person. I’m not going to take the time to judge what you’re bringing, I hope you all picked wisely. Once you go through there is no coming back and no certainty of more supplies from Terra. Also I need one of you to grab this tote.” I patted the cargo carrier where it sat on the coffee table, relocated to the edge of the room to the right of where I planned to place the portal. “I’m sending the last three centuries of Terran history and twenty kilos of industrial nano paste.” I heard several intakes of breath at mention of the nanos. On the Imperium black market this was wealth enough to buy a decent planet. With judicious use this resource should shave decades off the technological build out. I’d have to ask Bear if he was ceding his existing stash of the stuff to the colony.
“So we’re really going offworld? It’s real?”
I’d never met Garny before, though I recognized him from his description; Isha had told me about him. The squat, broad shouldered man addressing me had become the de facto leader of the evictee tribe. I’d heard that his guidance had been instrumental in keeping their losses down in skirmishes with enforcer patrols as they tried to survive as nomad squatters.
“I’ve been there, Garny,” Isha assured him again, “it’s real. A new world, and I was the fourth human to set foot there.” Isha was not part of his band, but clearly she commanded his respect. “It’s clean, and beautiful, humanity can do it right this time.”
“We’ll take it,” he said. Funny, I kinda thought they were already committed. “We have no other option.”
“You’ll be safe, there,” I assured him. “But we need to be sure everyone can make it through in one go. If anyone gets left behind, I can’t cast the spell again for three days. Family groups should stick together.”
“I still don’t see why we couldn’t have done all this in the warehouse where we’ve been staying. Or outside the city.”
“Well—” I started.
“Because,” Bear interrupted, “I have better defenses here than at your warehouse. And I can better disguise your movements within the city than I could mask a large group exiting, even over several days." It was actually easier for him to deceive the thousands of cameras one might traverse in the city than to black out the military security that had grown up in the city walls since my last illicit excursion. "How many of your people have ever been to the Outside?”
“An Abominable Intelligence?” Garny asked, parroting imperial propaganda. “The emperor has—”
“The emperor has no say in these matters.” Bear ignored the insult. “And this Artificial Intelligence will do everything within my power to protect you and your people. For precisely so long as Tanna asks me too.”
If Garny didn’t interpret that warning correctly, he was less of a leader than I had been lead to believe, but I dove in with a distraction, a ploy in keeping with techniques I had watched Twilight use to defuse conflicts.
“Let’s just practice now. I need you all to fit through a magic door in a hurry.”
I had Twilight and Isha stand a couple metres apart to simulate a portal. The actual portal would be wider, but we drilled and practiced until the refugees could squeeze through the narrow opening in fifty seconds. I really didn’t want any stragglers being left behind. I could try again in ‘only’ three days, but after yesterday, I was keenly aware that there was no telling what might happen before three days passed.
As they repeated the drills, one tall fellow bumped me with his backpack. It was heavy!
“Oh, sorry!”
At least he caught me before I hit the floor.
“I know I said I wouldn't judge, but what’s in there?”
“Adze heads.”
My bafflement was sufficient to prompt more information.
“Adzes are specialized axes. These are tools for shaping timbers for building.”
“I don’t know if there are any real trees there,” I admitted. “Other than a few fruit trees.”
“I have seeds too. I’ll grow my own, if I have to. I can wait.”
Did he have long life genetics too? I think he was serious about growing his own trees.
“What’s your name.”
“My name?” He stood in thought for a moment, contemplating a complete break with the past.“I think I’d like my friends to call me ‘Tree’.”
“Good to meet you, Tree.”
—
As everyone drilled yet again, I took a bathroom break. Leaving the master bath I found one of the refugees sitting on the edge of my bed waiting.
“Me next,” she said. “I’ve been admiring your bedframe. That’s some solid construction.”
“Uh, thanks. Hand built by me!”
“Why so strong?”
“No comment.”
“Kinky stuff?”
“Sister, you have no idea.”
“Try me.”
“Last person who asked, regretted it.”
“My name is Pandora. I am congenitally unable not to ask, in spite of the warning.”
“My husband can turn into a pony.” I winked. “Makes for some wild nights.”
“How am I supposed to believe something like that?”
“Do you believe that you’re going to another planet today?”
“I don’t know if I can believe it or not. No where else to go, so I might as well follow Garn’.”
“Tell you what, when you get there, send me a postcard and tell me if you believe then.”
Pandora nodded.
“Hey,” she paused in the door, “can I beg a—”
“Middle drawer, left of the toilet.”
“Thanks.”
—
The door chimed as Bear unbolted it to admit two more.
“Can you get us out of here?”
“Eric!” I squeezed through the crowded room to hug my brother. “Good to see you, I need to tell you about what happened yesterday, after I send everyone to Gallop. Get you out?”
“I need an exit, sis. Enforcers just showed up at the Library. It doesn’t take black magic to tell they’re probably snooping after you and anybody connected with you. For example, me. I just had time to grab some documents and thaw Leslie.”
The pale girl who had accompanied Eric bobbed her head and smiled weakly but she seemed too overwhelmed to speak. I could sense power emanating from pack he wore on his back – ‘some documents’ had presumably come from the dark stacks.
“You have a girlfriend, and you never told me?” I asked, ignoring the topics of forbidden books and unexpected security actions.
“Just a former employee I’ve been helping. She’s been in stasis. My last ‘girlfriend’ was your mother.”
“You know, you never told me much about that. Did you two get on well?”
After randomly meeting her on the street, I found that I was actually curious about my mother’s life.
“I’ve told you enough; the only reason I fucked that bitch for five years just so I could keep an eye on things and make sure she wasn’t planning an accident for you.”
“She says it worked.” Eric startled at the revelation that I had had any contact with my mother. I hadn’t had time to tell him that she had changed, but I found his disrespect galling. “At least a professional of her stature would have given you your money’s worth.”
“Uh, no comment.” He picked up on my saltiness but didn’t take the time to question the reason. “Leslie and I both need passage to this mysterious refuge of yours – I couldn’t leave her behind in a stasis pod for the enforcers to find. Her boyfriend was on the Longshot 7 and she went into stasis a few years after the collision, she hoped to sleep until we got word if any of them survived.”
I still hadn’t had a chance to tell Eric where the escape led, nor what ship had landed there.
“The Seven, huh? Was he running away from her?”
I wondered if this boyfriend would be one of the survivors. Odds were high. Hopefully this wouldn't be awkward. At a glance I could tell that she wasn’t carrying this boyfriend’s child, that for obvious reasons she couldn't .
“No, they met a week before launch. There were harsh penalties for missing your flight so he had no choice but to go.” I’d read about that: the launch event had been followed up by the executions of those who deserted. “If the dumbass had come to me for help I could have got her on board. They left Sol with two cryo’s empty, and I had connections.”
Leslie finally spoke up, “I think that only would have worked if I was biological female. They would have wanted fertile colonists.”
“Oh!” Eric was surprised. “I never realized you weren’t. Even that could have been taken care of, I know of a couple of ways.”
“Dork—” I playfully elbowed my brother “—as if it wasn’t obvious. Miss, I can fix that right now if you like.”
Could I spare the power? How could I not help someone so heartbroken, with such need?
“Fix that? Really? I mean its too late,” the sorrow in her eyes spoke volumes, “but, yes, please.”
I glanced over my shoulder, Twilight was telling Isha about Equestria and had her back to me. This would use much of my store of Equestrian magic, but it was a worthy cause and as long as Twilight did not notice, my oath would be intact.
“Allow me, miss,” I murmured and slipped one hand under Leslie’s shirt, under her bra, and rested it on her chest between her breasts, reached the other hand inside waist her stretchy pants. Sure enough there was the protuberance of a shrunken penis down there, an empty sack behind it. I closed my eyes and traced through my memory of the diagram Twilight had used so many years ago. The spell took more effort without the physical circles to guide the energy flow; in fact I was realizing in real time, too late to stop, that this was actually a bad idea. I would avoid casting this way in the future. It wearied me but it worked: I felt her breasts swell as the penile mass melted away and buried its newly clitoral self discretely in the apex of a velvety soft pair of just-formed labia. A million less visible alterations were taking place internally, organs changing and shifting, Y chromosomes transforming to Xs in every cell.
Leslie’s eyes went wide at the changes taking place in her body: when I took my hands from her she was completely female.
“I greet thee as sister,” I said formally and kissed her cheek, welcoming her to her womanhood, “it is complete.”
She was too amazed to speak.
“I cast the spell exactly the way I saw it done for me. You should be fertile right now and your cycle will continue regularly as if you were already a sexually mature woman. And get the bra off, it’s too small for you now. They don’t wear those on Gallop anyhow.”
“Sonofa…” Eric swore, “you did that solo. And without a circle.”
I realized we had an audience in Gloam, Discord and several of the refugees, but Twilight was still oblivious. Call me a dreamer but Isha might have been drawing out the conversation on purpose to cover me. How much did she surmise?
“I had the circle in my head,” I over-simplified to cover my tracks. I had drawn from a little human magic as well as pony primary spell, and I didn’t need anyone realizing exactly what I had just done. “And I embody the spell myself, or else I couldn’t’ve done that. But it was exhausting, I’ll need to rest before I cast again. Anyway, funny thing about the Seven—”
“Tanna!” Bear interrupted me. “Something is wrong outside, the building external cameras have just looped, seismic sensors indicate massive activity in the street but I cannot see anything. Get your portal open fast! You need to go through too, this is critical.”
I didn’t wait to ask what he meant. If an AI with an IQ in the thousands says it is critical to hurry, I hurry.
“Millions, actually,” he said, in tinny, tight-beam, audio.
What?
Did I say something out loud?
“Line up people this is the real thing!” It was far too soon after transforming Leslie, but I put my hand on the wall anyway and cast the spell to open the portal, regretting my foalish use of power. In an instant the morning light of Hoof was streaming into my crowed living room. There was a collective gasp from Garny’s troupe. “No gawking! Move, move, move! Gloam, stick to your father!” I was already tired but with close proximity I should be able to maintain it long enough – if nobody caused a delay we should all get through.
“Discord, Gloam, Twilight, be ready to go through before Tanna!” Bear ordered - it sounded like he had good reason to change our original plan to follow after a few days. “Isha, you go to Gallop too, I can not allow you to stay here.”
What the heck was he seeing? He’d have told me if there was time.
Practice paid off as the artists, engineers, and misfits crowding my domicile lined up to go through to a new life.
Garny was first, ploughing through even as the portal was opening – probably saved half a second right there. Demonstrating supreme self control, instead of looking around him he was facing back towards the portal, calling his people by name, making sure they got out of the way once they were through. Left, right and straight ahead he steered them out of each other’s ways, didn’t let anyone block the exodus. Anyone who so much as paused was grabbed and bodily hauled clear. People filed through like a well oiled machine and the room was emptying.
“I’ve got a satellite view,” Bear announced. “The army has the building surrounded. Everybody keep moving.”
Twilight stood at the left edge of the portal, Gloam close at her side. Isha joined me at the right edge. They were ready to help if anyone tripped, ready to push people through if it came to that.
“This way, sir.” Discord was guiding my brother to a spot behind an ugly but energetic fellow whose burden for the new world was a portable incubator with three dozen live chicken eggs strapped to his back. In his arms he carried a wire cage with two hens and a young rooster. “You and the girl get in line after the chicken lord. Tanna has to go last.”
Eric’s amazement had redoubled since his first surprise at my blessing upon Leslie, but he didn’t stay alive for centuries without knowing when to take orders instead of giving them.
I could taste the fresh air of Gallop blowing through, there were just a few more evacuees before Eric and Leslie would step through. After my brother, it would be time for my party to escape to a world where we could safely wait for Twilight’s power to regenerate and take us to Equestria.
As they stepped towards a new life, the evacuation was nearing its completion.
Tree was through; chicken guy would go next, then Eric, Leslie, Discord, Isha, Twilight and Gloam, and I would step through and the portal would close and we would be safe.
Everything was going to be perfect.
And ten more seconds would have been enough.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
This chapter is for Tuesday 13 Aug 2024; posted early as I will be away from computer tomorrow.
125-Derailed
Ten more seconds was a luxury we did not have and they unraveled, each one, without mercy.
[ten]
An explosion from behind me rocked the room, the sound of my front door being blasted open. Before I could turn to look, we heard the stomp of boots and the clack of gear. There was no command of, “Freeze!” no warning or hesitation, simply the crackle of an energy weapon lancing into the domicile. A beam missed Discord, and shot between Eric and Leslie. From the corner of my eye I could see Twilight already pushing Gloam towards the kitchen to seek cover, desperately keeping her own body between our daughter and impending death.
[nine]
Discord charged towards the door, throwing away his chance to escape in order to create a distraction for the rest of us.
In a spray of wallcrete fragments some immense apparatus intruded down from above. Dark, faceted, it both drew, and baffled, the eye. It moved without a sound other than the last scraps of my ceiling, dislodged as it shifted. An instant of heightened dread receded to mere terror as it rotated and panned past us to point towards the flurry of activity at the doorway. My eyes followed the sight-line of what I took to be the barrel or emitter of the device. Armored enforcers covered on either side of the remnants of my doorframe, readying their weapon for another volley and bringing a second one into action.
At my side, the chicken guy collapsed part way through the portal, that first shot of hostile fire must have hit him when it missed the rest of us. He had almost made it to safety, only to be cut down on the verge of freedom. Eric nearly tripped on him as he fell immediately in front of him and Leslie.
[eight]
A second team of enforcers had their shoulder borne energy weapon ready and its beam caught Discord full on. Isha gasped and I felt the flow of power from her cease as she pulled her hand from my shoulder. She was prepping to cast a healing spell if she could survive long enough to help him.
There was too much happening at once for me to spare a thought to question how long the black weapon had been hidden, waiting, for such an eventuality. I could ask questions later, if there was a later. After a rapid traverse it began a warm up sequence and Bear prepared to returned fire towards the intruders clustered in the hall. They had not attempted entry yet, but their ranged attack was threat enough if they were not dealt with soon.
Twilight and Gloam were out of my sight, I tore my gaze away from the danger from the hall to look for them; Twilight had almost herded Gloam into the relative refuge of the kitchen.
My brother and his coworker grabbed for chicken guy’s arms to try to lift him back to his feet but he was completely limp.
[seven]
A beam, and then another, sizzled across the room. The first enforcer team was firing again only to be interrupted mid-blast by Bear’s weapon coming to life. It spewed dark radiance towards our attackers. I wasn’t sure what their first target was but the partial shot had been intended for me. The results of Bear’s counterattack made so little sense I put them momentarily out of my mind as I scanned to look for my husband and daughter. They were out of sight, but maybe I could call them back to dash for Gallop before my power ran out and the portal closed.
Since he was completely unconscious, if not dead, Eric and Leslie dragged the fallen chicken bearer by his arms towards Hoof’s alien light in an effort to clear the portal.
Discord had fallen after being hit, and numbness was setting into my legs. I hadn’t escaped the effects of the interrupted attack.
[six]
I finally spotted Gloam and Twilight; I hadn’t seen them before because they were down – the third shot must have hit them both. They were sprawled together, steps away from cover. Twilight had done her best to protect Gloam to the very last and even now she was half across our daughter, vainly interposing her own body against the enforcers. For all practical purposes my life was now over even if the hollow rhythm of my pulse still echoed its last few beats.
I could barely stand, whatever had downed the chicken man, and Discord, its effects on me were dire. I was stone numb from my navel down and had to claw at the wall to keep myself upright as the numbness spread. Tottering on legs that were nerveless sticks, I was losing the battle and there was no way I could keep the portal open for Isha much longer.
As I fought to stay up I saw that my eyes had not fooled me regarding the effects of Bear’s counterattack. Astounding, but too late.
“Isha!” I gasped, in the sudden quiet. She was the only one still unimpaired. “Go through! We’ll come later!”
The portal was almost clear and she’d be able to dash through before it closed forever.
[five]
Isha sprang into action, and for an instant I thought she would go, that she, at least, would survive to tell our tale.
Beyond her, a fine view of the city. A massive hole lay where the empty domicile unit across the hall from mine used to be. I also used to have a wall somewhere in that direction. No more. Now my living room carpet ended just beyond where Discord lay, with a plunge down into the floor below. The black ray of obliteration had not merely imposed existence failure on the attackers, it had eaten through ‘crete and iron as though they simply didn’t matter.
[four]
With fatal deliberation Isha grabbed the cargo tote containing my offerings to the colonists – in the rush it had been left behind. Even a tool of great power means little in a desperate rout.
[three]
Chicken man had been pulled out of the way. She grunted with effort as she heaved the heavy cube through to land on the groundmoss of Gallop. And then she turned away from her chance to escape.
I ran out of power and the portal shrank away to nothing as I tottered ready to collapse.
[two]
Isha put her arms out to catch me and I fell limply into her embrace. The numbness was spreading further up my body. She pulled me close as we slid to the floor together and came to rest with my head on her lap.
[one]
“I know there isn’t going to be a later. I love you Tanna, but you can’t tell a lie for shit,” she sobbed, and held me tight as her tears fell on my face. “They got Twilight, and Gloam, and Discord.”
Despite the immediate threat being eliminated by methods unknown, surely more adversaries were approaching from the wings. After my husband, and daughter, and friend, the death of the woman who held me so tight, and least of all that of myself, would be a mere afterthought.
“Our fairy tale is over.”
And there was no longer any reason to survive.
“This is it,” she said.
The unnatural silence was pierced by a pervading hum coming from all directions, with no clue as to the source of the menace.
Isha spoke one last time over the growing racket.
[zero]
“The end.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
On the eleventh day after the establishment of the colony on Gallop, a portal opened.
Nobody was ready when people started pouring through, but two minutes later as thirty-nine newcomers stood blinking in the sunlight the shout had gone out. Colonists started gathering from around the settlement.
—
Eric from security stepped into the gap between the two groups.
“Welcome home, newcomers!” Ever since learning that Tanna might send more he’d practiced his welcome speech until he had it down pat. It wasn’t great oratory, but it was ready and he could reel it off without a thought. The President agreed with his theory that if they were fleeing the old world, a warm welcome would do much to set the tone for their integration. “Welcome to the planet Gallop, the furthest human… colony… um, the furthest… um, human… uh, welcome…” his speech petered out.
A full octave higher he asked, “Leslie?”
A young woman, no older than her mid-twenties had stepped out from among the newcomers. Solemnly she approached the now-silent greeter.
“Impossible,” he whispered. “How can you be here?”
“Magic. You do believe in magic, don’t you?” she asked.
“I didn’t,” was all he could squeak.
She took his hands.
“Tell me what changed your mind.”
“I can tell you later,” he croaked, still too surprised to speak.
“Tell me now.”
Refugees and colonists surround the couple, silent and captivated by the unexpected reunion taking place. Few had any inkling of what they were seeing but the intensity was obvious.
Swallowing until he found his voice, he told her about the landing.
“My cryopod thawed me while the Seven was on descent. Only a few of the emergency lights were working. I could see the stars through a hole in the hull, but we were already re-entering, the wind was whipping through the ship. I staggered up towards the flight deck but it was locked out; I could see devastation through the window. Security console told me the ship was being flown from the auxiliary bridge, someone was trying to get the ship down to the surface before it disintegrated, and they were failing. The passage towards auxiliary was blocked by damage, so I tried to get there by going outside the ship.”
“I overrode an airlock and crawled topside. As I watched, an inertial dampener exploded and they lost all the starboard attitude control and we started to tip. It was then that the golden light surrounded the ship. A giant unicorn with wings was suddenly standing on top of the ship, fighting to correct the list. Hooves larger than an orbital shuttle braced against the hull and brought us to an even keel.”
“I’m no pilot, but I could tell we were going too fast. Our savior spread her wings and they were golden and brilliant and bigger than the starship. They must have been kilometers wide, they filled the whole sky. She glided us down and the ship landed as light as a feather. About then I passed out – I think I had a touch of hypoxia.”
“Who was she?”
“Her name is Tanna, and she saved us all.”
Leslie smiled, still holding Eric’s hands.
“I met Tanna back home, for just a few minutes before she opened the portal that brought us here.”
“Write down everything that happened while you remember it well. She is part of our mythos.” Dr. Howe had arrived during Eric’s tale. Neither of the two before her even noticed her instructions.
“She did something magical for you and me, too,” Leslie said.
“For us?”
“Can we get married?
“Yes, by Gallop, I’m so sorry I left you behind and I’m so glad you’re here.”
“What’s Gallop?”
“That’s the name of this planet, Tanna named it. By rights we should have died; is it any wonder that our new home becomes our oath? For our most solemn undertakings we swear by Tanna’s hooves.”
“Then by Tanna’s hooves I need you to put a baby in me right now. Tanna made me into a real biofem.”
“And you want to get married?”
“Yes, but we can do that later.”
“Mr. Choi,” President Howe asked, “is this is the girl you told me about?”
“Yes’m.”
“I’m guessing she’s been in stasis for two centuries since we left?”
“Yes ma’am,” Leslie said.
“And you both want this, right?”
“Yes!” they both said.
“How soon?”
“Soon, soon, ma’am,” one answered, the other nodded vigorous agreement.
“Leslie, I already know how this lunk feels about you, he’s been moaning about it since before we lifted off Terra. Do you want to be a pioneer wife, spend your days barefoot and pregnant, working your sweet ass off to build civilization from scratch on a new world?”
“So help me Gallop, yes.”
“Bam!” Howe clapped her hands together with solemn finality “You are married. Says me, the president, paperwork to follow at my leisure and convenience. Now get going, and do your part to build our population! Was that fast enough?”
Mr. & Mrs. Choi nodded again, eyes bright with gladness.
“Ten seconds can change your whole world.”
—
“Diane.”
President Howe was watching the newlyweds as Eric led Leslie to Tanna’s shack where they would find a cot and start a family. She doubted they would take the time to unroll a sleeping bag for the deed.
“Eric Landers.”
She didn’t turn; she’d know that voice anywhere.
The one.
The one she’d left behind.
“When Tanna said she could take us to another world, I had no idea you would be on it.”
“What is Tanna to you?”
“She’s my little sister. I told you I had to stay behind just in case.”
“In case they thawed out more of your father?”
“A hero deserves to have his children cared for. Even a hero who didn’t quite save the world. I thought Tanna might make good his attempt.”
“Where is she, and Gloam and Isha?”
“Still on Terra. They didn’t make it through. Enforcers kicked down the door and opened fire while we were evacuating here. Tanna was supposed to follow us, she had to be the last one through the portal. It doesn’t look good.”
“What are ‘enforcers’? Were they shooting to kill?”
The chicken keeper was still stretched out on the ground.
“They’re the stormtroopers of today on Terra. Whatever they used, its non-lethal. Leslie and I had to drag this guy through when he got hit. He’s out cold but not dead. I’ve never seen a weapon like this.”
“I hope someone already called Doc ‘Quin. Let me talk to the people and then you and me need to catch up. Give me a hand up.”
With Eric’s support, President Howe stepped up onto a black cargo cube abandoned near where the portal had been. The ground was uneven, but the cube weighed so much that it rested stable on the slope of the berm.
“First of all, Chrissom—” she pointed at one of the colonists “—go find Diva Landers in the north field, make her sit down and then tell her that her dad is here. Jed, you go make sure ‘Quin is on her way. Now, newcomers, I am here to welcome you to planet Gallop. We’re so glad you’re here! We were so eager, in fact, for you to join us that Eric the security guy wrote a speech to welcome you. We weren’t counting on his girlfriend showing up today. You all saw what happened when he tried to give his speech!” A few people in the crowd laughed. “So now I get the pleasure of welcoming you while he’s off starting a family. I honestly don’t know which of us is having more fun,” she said merrily. The laughter this time was louder, more sincere.
“As you may know from your history books, I am Diane Howe, President of the Longshot Seven colony, and still alive here on Gallop despite what they taught you in school; most of us are! Let me tell you a little about your new home, but keep in mind it has only been a short time since we landed; landed, in fact, by the same young mage who brought you to this world, as you heard in Eric’s account of the tale. We all, including you my friends, have lot to do and a lot to learn. Let me start with some of what we know. As you may guess from our abbreviated attire, the climate here…”
—
An hour later, the newcomers had been teamed up with hosts who would help them get settled in and see that their needs were met.
Once Doc ‘Quin revived the chicken keeper, he was toast of the town. Within a year his chickens would establish a steady enough population to introduce eggs into the colonists’ diets. Everybody wanted to befriend him early; it was more attention than the ugly little man was used to.
One newcomer was left, standing with the colonist who would open her home to him.
“So, did you ever get a new girlfriend after I abandoned you? And if so did she escape in this crowd?”
“You followed your destiny, you didn’t abandon me. Anyway, I paid for Tanna’s mother’s (ahem) professional services for a few years to keep Tanna safe when she was a little boy. Other than that, no relationships. It took a lot out of me when I though that you, and Diva, and the kids, and Guy, were all dead or as good as dead.”
“Are we back together then?” she asked.
“Do you think those two are done with the shed?”
—
Light and dark limbs entwined in the temporary presidential quarters behind the rotunda.
“Is this better than the shed?” she asked.
“More comfortable I’m sure,” he admitted, “but it did take us longer to get here.”
“Oh, shush, you!” Diane shoved playfully against Eric’s chest. “If you can wait two hundred years for this—” she lifted her hips up, driving him deeper inside her “—you can wait two hundred years and seven minutes.”
“It was worth every second,” he said, “now that I’m back with you.” His voice was husky as he crossed the line to inevitability.
“You’re sure Tanna’s your sister and not your daughter?” she asked after his climax.
“I’m sure. Do you really care?”
“I guess I don’t. She could even be your lover and I’d be okay with that. I just want to understand how one girl can do so much for so many.”
“I wonder if the people in the world she’s trying to get to have any idea just what kind of person she really is.”
“They may never know the truth.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
127-Lunch With the Sparkles
“Pass the rolls please.”
No action followed Flurry Heart’s request, only continued chewing and conversation.
“Daaaad,” she whined, “they’re right next to you!”
“Nuh-uh,” Shining Armor said around a mouthful of roast veggies. “You’ve eaten nothing but bread. Have some veg’.”
“Dad, I’m a princess, I don’t have to eat vegetables!”
“Royalty frees you from neither biological reality nor manners—”
“Ahem.”
Nightlight interrupted before Shining Armor could finish.
“Young lady, princess you may be, but a stallion’s home is his castle and unless you can convince your parents to have me hauled away in chains, if you sit at my table you will eat the veggies your Grandmare cooked for you with love.”
“Why couldn't she cook a chocolate cake for lunch, with love?”
“Because ponies who eat nothing but cake will die. Velvet and I are peers of the realm of Equestria, and because the Crystal Kingdom is a client state of Equestria, we will do our very best to ensure proper nutrition for the future ruler of said kingdom.”
At last he cracked a smile.
“But there is a very nice purple guava cake waiting for good little ponies who clean all the veggies off their plates.”
“Guava, yum!” the young alicorn brightened for a moment. “Aunt Twilight’s friend, Pinkie, eats nothing but cake.”
“Miss Pie is an anomaly,” her mother stated, “none of us understand how her body works.”
“Now eat up like your Grandsire says, or you’ll be sitting in front of a plate of cold food while we all eat cake,” her father said. “Dad, did you see the big stickball game? Just kidding, me neither. But the troops are talking about nothing else. Did you hear who’s running for the house of commons…”
—
Political talk, and society chatter, continued across the table in intersecting conversations until Flurry realized that the room had grown silent and all eyes were on her.
“What?”
She could tell something was wrong, but couldn't imagine what she had done this time.
“Young lady,” Cadance demanded, “would you care to explain yourself?”
“What?”
“Your nose.”
“Oh.”
A pale glow of magic surrounded Flurry’s nose, carefully holding the nostrils closed. The glow faded.
“My science tutor told me that most of the sense of taste is really smell. I really don’t like the asparagus, so I thought that if I couldn't smell it, I could eat it right down. And it works, I finished it all!”
Proudly she showed her empty plate.
“Princess, your physiological reasoning is quite clever, but you’ve just told your Grandmare that her cooking stinks, and you’ve embarrassed me in front of my mother in law.”
“Cadance, she’s just—” Twilight Velvet started, but Cadance held up her hoof.
“You need to apologize, Miss Mi Amore.”
“I’m sorry, Grandmare. I wasn’t thinking about how it would look, I didn’t intend to insult you.”
“Of course I forgive you dear. It was a little off putting, but I know you didn’t mean any harm.”
“You can even give me more asparagus and I’ll eat it the right way, I promise.”
“That’s very brave of you,” Twilight Velvet said with a chuckle, “but I don’t want you to be too full for your dad’s favorite cake.”
Flurry’s eyes lit up at the thought of dessert – without further green gauntlets to endure.
“No dessert,” Cadance said. “Reflect on your actions, please.”
“Can I have that asparagus after all?”
“No dessert for me, neither,” Shining said.
“But it’s your favorite…” Twilight Velvet’s voice trailed off as Shining and Cadance locked eyes.
“Dear .”
Cadance had become almost chilly in her presentation.
For a moment the Princess of the Crystal Kingdom and her consort simply stared at each other.
“Flurry apologized very properly,” Shining said, “and Mom accepted. That should be the end of the matter. Any further punishment is petty .”
Still they stared, other ponies not privy to what messages flashed between them as they contended.
“Very well,” Cadance conceded, “I see your point. Flurry may have her dessert even if you abstain.”
“Skip Mom’s guava cake? Pfft. I’ll have two pieces. Please.”
Nightlight stood.
“Everypony is excused. Dessert will be in half an hour.”
“I’ll help Grandmare with the washing up!”
Flurry Heart was eager to establish a positive balance on the ledger of her behavior.
“Join me for a cigar?” Nightlight asked his son.
“No thanks, I want to be able to taste my dessert. There’s not a pastry chef in all the Crystal Kingdom like mom.”
“Cadance?”
“No thank you, Father Sparkle, not this time. Shining and I will just rest a moment in the living room before desert.”
—
By the time dessert was served, no trace of the coolness between Cadance and Shining Armor remained.
In fact, they had scooted their chairs closer together so they could easily nuzzle each other.
“Wash the sofa cover.”
Nightlight and Twilight Velvet mouthed the words soundlessly together.
Cadance watched the Sparkles share silent conversation. The Princess of Love could read most couples very accurately. But was her smile the result of a tasty dessert, or some other form of satisfaction?
Flurry ate without any visible awareness of the subtext around her. In the kitchen she had repaired the bond with her grandmare and been afforded the opportunity to lick the cake cutter after the cake had been plated.
“It’s delicious, Grandmare ” she enthused, adding, “Daddy, you’re funny!”
Shining Armor was alternating between the two pieces of cake on his plate, taking a bite of one, and then the other.
“Your mother won’t let me use two forks at once,” he whispered loudly and pretended to eat with both forehooves.
“Your mother won’t allow it, either, Shiny.”
But the tolerant smile on Twilight Velvet’s face suggested that if he asked nicely, she might permit.
—
“…and that’s the last time I’ve been to Coltifornia!”
Twilight Velvet wrapped up her account of a past visit to her cousin as everypony finished desert.
“I wish I had a cousin,” Flurry Heart said wistfully as the family moved away from the table.
“Oh, that would be so nice, dear.”
There had been several young foals in the west coast cousin’s family and Twilight Velvet though fondly of the joy another grandfoal would bring.
“Of course you know they would be much younger than you,” Cadance reminded her daughter. “But you could foalsit.”
“And change diapers!” Shining added.
“Eww.”
“Make sure to wear swimming goggles, and keep your mouth closed,” he further suggested.
“Why?” Flurry thought about it for a moment. “Eww! Dad! Gross!”
“Of course, I never needed the pee P.P.E., since I can cast force fields.”
“Daddy’s just teasing you sweetie, don’t be embarrassed. Changing diapers is sometimes messy, and that’s why the holy one gives little foals parents who love them no matter what. And I bet your father got your Grandmare when he was a tiny little colt.”
“Nope!” Shining said, “who do you think I learned shield spells from?”
“He’s right dears. In battle I’m a tank escort. Whether it’s spears, arrows, or colt pee, nothing gets past Grandmare Sparkle’s shield spells!”
“Well, I wish I had a cousin my own age,” Flurry amended.
“That’s a tall order,” Nightlight said when his granddaughter wished the impossible.
—
“Love ya, Mom.”
Shining Armor hugged his mother before climbing into the chariot where his wife and daughter waited.
“Thank you for the visit, Shining. And thank you for taking the time to come along, Princess. We know how busy you are. Maybe next time you can stay for dinner.”
“Lady Sparkle, you don’t need to be so formal,” Cadance protested.
“I’ve only only called you princess once today, dear. And look who’s being formal with calling me ‘Lady’.”
Thunder, or possibly cannon fire, sounded in the distance.
“It’s been wonderful having you all over. If only we could count on also seeing our lovely daughters.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Twilight is Twilighting around and doing magic research—” Technically illegal if anypony other than Twilight were attempting to break her Highness Celestia’s own spell and Shining wasn’t going to be the one to expose her “—again, but I’ll talk to Jane.”
“Shining, we don’t have time for that, we need to catch the Crystal Express.”
“Five minutes, babe. It won’t even slow us down to swing by her place. It’ll take ten minutes to get there andI’ll pop in for five minutes and give her a quick reminder that she shouldn’t neglect our parents.”
“That’s so kind of you, Shining, what a considerate colt, don’t you think, Cadanza?”
Cadance could hardly kibosh the idea now.
“Yes, Mother Sparkle, he’s so kind.”
Outmanuvered again, Cadance smiled demurely and hid her annoyance. There would be a payback for Shining later, on her own turf. He knew that.
“Alright,” she said, “but if you get chatting with your sister and lose track of time, I’ll have to leave you behind.”
“Thank you, Shining,” Nightlight said. “We don’t want to pester you foals but truth is, your mother and I really appreciate seeing you and your sisters whenever you can spare the time.”
“Twilight is impossible—” Having the younger sister be a borderline demigod complicated family dynamics “—but Jane probably just lost track of time.”
“I can help with that. It’s been a hundred and twelve days, four hours, and five minutes.”
“Mom, that’s creepy.”
—
A detour to swing by Jane Sparkle's house at the edge of campus really wouldn't make the ride to the station take any longer. The winding streets actually described a shorter route than the expressway which circled wide around the core of the city. It would be more work for the team pulling them, what with additional stops and starts, but they bore the news stoically. The prospect of respectfully admiring the famously cute coeds of Canterlot U as they traversed the streets near sorority row might have cheered them some.
“Dad, are guavas really bright purple? I doesn’t seem like a natural colour.”
“Oh, I don’t know, honey. I wouldn't know an actual guava if it bit me on the—”
“Dear .”
He knew that tone of voice, and that he had probably pushed his wife’s forbearance about as far as it went.
“—grass.”
Strange, he didn’t remember a civil emergency drill being scheduled for Canterlot today, but they blasted past the checkpoint too fast to ask the soldiers scattering out of the way what was happening.
“You should ask Mom. Your Grandmare and Grandsire vacationed in the south seas several times. Always came home with stories of white sand beaches, grass skirts, hibiscus wine flowing like water, spearfishing by torchlight, and especially the exotic fruits”.
Shining snapped a salute to the corporal commanding another checkpoint as they plowed through without stopping. With two princesses aboard, nopony could argue that he was not on official business. And no junior NCO was going risk a chevron trying to arrest a general.
“Like what?”
“Oh gosh, I was more focused on getting into the military academy than listening to my dam tell me about fruit. I think there were paw-paws, pineapples (those were uncommon here on the mainland when I was a colt), durian, broadfruit, and of course the guava.”
“What’s broadfruit? Is that some kind of a slur on mares?”
At her age, the future Princess of Love didn’t have a grasp on why adults were compelled to perform the acts that they did, but she was very conscious of whether they treated each other well.
“No, sweetie, the fruit is literally broad in shape. It’s shaped like a… like a…” Shining cast his mind back to a photograph he hadn’t looked at in years “—like a big green whoopie cushion!”
He was already in trouble. Reminding the ruler of the Crystal Kingdom of a minor prank that nearly resulted in a diplomatic incident couldn't make things much worse. How was he to know that Cadance and the visiting premier of Hosstralia would trade seats?
“And ponies bake them in the coals and eat the insides out, steaming hot.”
“I’ll ask Grandmare next time.”
“She’d love to tell you about their adventures.”
Soon, the chariot drew to a halt before a small house in a cul-de-sacked enclave of professorial residences. The lead pony unhitched himself, quiesced the flashing gem that had alerted checkpoint guards that Royalty were aboard, and saluted at the aft of the chariot.
“Thank you, sergeant. I’ll just be a moment.”
“You have five minutes,” Cadance reminded him.
“Five minutes,” he agreed, striding up the walk.
The knock was just a courtesy. When the siblings Sparkle had all lived in Canterlot, they shared lockspells among themselves, and he let himself in after a beat.
“Jane? Are you home?”
“What’s up, Shines? Got the fam’ with ya?”
Shining Armor followed his sister's voice to her office at the back of the house.
“They’re waiting in the chariot, I’m just popping in for a minute. What’s that sign on your door?”
“My name.”
“Your name isn’t Plain Jane.”
“Plane, not plain. It’s a joke on the complex number plane.”
“Huh?”
“The complex number plane is important to the theoretical branch of my specialty. And because I am the top researcher in the field, I got a nickname.”
“I don’t like it. You are the eldest scion of House Sparkle and I don’t want to see any slight against you.”
“What should it say? Hot Jane? Hot, Hot, Hawt Jane? It’s a joke, and it’s a good rubric to determine if any potential suitors know anything about my field.”
“Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Got any candidates?”
“The last stallion who asked me to marry him was you.”
“Oh for Celestia’s sake!” Shining facehoofed. “I was little colt and had a silly crush on my big sister.”
“I thought it was very sweet, and if our sire had been a pharaoh I could have said ‘yes’. They did that in ancient times, you know.”
“Yes. I know they did. Uther Ponedragon’s son covered his sister, and look what that got him. I didn’t know any better, I was five .”
“It was precious. And you wanted Twilight to be our daughter.”
“Don’t go talking about it around Cadance.”
“Would she be upset about something so long ago?”
“She’d probably want us to try it out.”
“I know I’ve asked you this before, but are you sure about that mare?”
“Mostly sure, yeah. Just don’t give her any ideas. What are you hiding?”
Throughout the conversation Jane had kept her right side away from her brother, and she finally allowed him to sidle around to that side.
“What the hay! You’re hurt! What happened?”
“Keep your hooves on, it’s not major. I was on a case and we needed to be on site to dive into the records before they could shift their assets around. The lead investigator didn’t count on el Capo sending five of his soldiers to stop us. We’ve got two in custody and three on ice.”
“Shit, I gotta hurry up or the wife is gonna leave me here. Who was in charge of your security detail?”
“Slatekin.”
“Is he still on active duty? I’d expect better from him. Sloppy work, letting an analyst into harm’s way.”
“Rohda Slatekin, Old Slatekin’s daughter. It was an ambush; she took an arrow for me and still was able to take down the guy who attacked me. So don’t go making a stink about it.”
“I didn’t realize. Is she okay? Slatekin’s gonna croak if anything happens to any of his foals.”
“She’ll be lame in the left rear for a good while.” Jane summoned a bar of light passing through her body to illustrate the arrow’s path. “Point of entry, just forward of her mark. It went behind her iliac artery and the tip exited down by her ass. It’s a miracle she wasn’t killed or crippled. Nothing but muscle damage.”
“I’ll have Cady mention it to her aunt. A royal commendation always looks good in front of the promotion board.”
“Could you? Thanks.”
“Least I can do for the pony who protected my big sis.”
“So what actually brings you here today?”
“Our parents discretely inform that they miss seeing their eldest daughter.”
“I’ve been teaching. And then on a case.”
“Mom knows to the minute how long it’s been since you visited.”
“One hundred and twelve days, four hours, and twenty five minutes.”
“How do you do— Wait! Twenty five?”
Five minutes more than an even number of hours, plus ten minutes travel, made fifteen. Fifteen out of twenty five meant he had already been talking ten minutes. It sure didn’t feel like ten minutes.
From the street, the sound of chariot wheels.
“Dammit! She’s leaving without me. And she has my cake!”
With a clatter of hooves Shining was out the door. A moment later he was back, a container floating at his side.
“She left cake on the porch, wanna split it?”
“How ‘bout some coffee to go with?”
Jane acknowledged his offer with one of her own; still chatting they headed towards the kitchen.
“I guess I have time to hear about your case, gimme the whole saga…”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Knowing that it was, in fact, the end I wept in Isha’s embrace. In our smallness and grief we waited for death. We had lost everything, we were the only guests at our own funeral, and each second was the very last.
“Tanna,” Bear chided, “and Isha, pull yourselves together. I’m about to wake everyone.”
Bear’s apparatus hummed louder and then stopped before I could begin to process the information that Twilight and Gloam were alive to be wakened. Seconds later I could feel my toes again.
“I guess it’s not over yet,” I told Isha. Now that I could move, I crawled off her lap to check on Twilight and Gloam. “Bear, what were they shooting at us? By Hel’s cunt—” I shivered as though my name had been spoken in Éljúðnir “—I’ve no idea what they zapped us with.”
Twilight had tried to shield Gloam and had fallen across her; I shook her shoulder.
“Wake up you two, we’re not dead.”
Gloam was sobbing and Twilight looked baffled.
“Magic?” she asked, groggy.
“Technology,” Bear said as I held my daughter, “a rather impressive stunner ray, a dose of that should put you out for five or ten minutes. Long enough to get the victim in custody. The reversal ray is my own creation and there are no OpFo left on our floor to acquire custody. But they know where to find you, we need to move out.”
“Lovely stuff, that stunner thingie,” Discord groused as he stood up, “I thought I was dead for sure.”
“A world without chaos is death,” Twilight conceded was she joined me to wrap Gloam in a double-parent hug. “It’s okay, baby,” she whispered.
“And thank you for taking one for the team,” I told Discord, “you may have turned the battle by drawing their fire.”
“Remind me to have Crash kick me in the head instead, if I ever wish to suddenly become unconscious. I’m told it does wonders.”
“What’s a stunner ray?” I asked, “I’ve never heard of such a thing in real life.”
“Me neither,” said Bear, “but that’s what the user manual in the operator’s pocket called it. I got a high resolution scan of the pen-team before they experienced extreme existence ending. I suspect this weapon was the cargo delivered yesterday. Sorry it took so long to create the cure.”
He had apparently reverse engineered and counteracted a secret weapon in seconds and was apologizing for the delay.
“It’s sapped most of the power that I had recovered!” Twilight’s voice held surprise and dismay, “Discord?”
“Likewise.” He frowned. “I do not think that I like this world very much.”
“It’ll be at least another week before I can get us to Equestria!”
“I can reopen the portal to Gallop in about three days,” I said, “Bear, can we stay hidden for three days?”
“If you get out of the building, maybe I can keep you alive for three hours. Anything beyond that is luck, unreasonable amounts of it, until I have a breakthrough. I’m looking into a distraction, I don’t have enough compute online yet to break the military comsec. Try not to get killed and I will be in the system soon.”
“How do we get out?”
“There is a service lift in the utility column. I have it listed as inoperable and scrapped on the arcology manifest. Further, there is a transit tunnel exit not shown in the plans. The platform is slow, you have eight minutes until it gets to our level. You will need to kick a hole in the wall to the right of the toilet in your bathroom, the wallcrete panel to the side is not spec thickness.”
“Eight minutes? Do we have that long?”
A slight tremor passed through the floor beneath my feet.
“That was all four fully loaded lifts, full of enforcer troops, hitting the sub-basement after descending from the hundredth floor under two g’s acceleration. I think it will take the next wave more than eight minutes to climb a hundred flights of slippery stairs.”
“Why are the stairs slippery?” Twilight asked.
“Because the sprinklers are running in the stairwells and there is a traction denial surfactant added to the water.”
“Traction denial?” she asked, “some kind of slippery stuff?”
“Slick as cold mucus,” Bear explained, “think of thousands of litres of snot sliding down a hundred and thirty eight flights of stairs.”
“Oh Em Cee, how long will it take them to climb it?”
“Much longer than the amount of time they have. Tanna, please prepare for departure, we won’t be returning.”
“Gloam, grab your bug bag, this is it.”
My books were already safely in Equestria, but like Gloam I kept a small pack ready to grab. There were a few supplies, some survival tools, and potential trade items in it; I didn’t really care about anything I was leaving behind. My friends were coming with me.
—
Twilight, Gloam, Isha, Discord, and I sat in the centre of the utility lift. There were no railings, only safety tie downs for workers who might need to access the pipes, ducts, conduits and wave guides surrounding the void running through the core of the building. We wore no safety harnesses, so we stayed well away from the edges.
“Twi, could you send Gloam to Equestria without us?”
“I can probably do that much if Discord helps me, why?”
“Okay, listen Gloamie baby, if we send you ahead of us you need to get to Canterlot and tell Princess Celestia everything. Maybe she can rescue us.” I swallowed hard. “And if not, she’ll see that somepony takes care of you. You have to tell her that you are Twilight’s daughter.”
Gloam was holding me tight. “Mom, I don’t want to go without you.”
“I’m sorry, you might have to,” I said, returning her embrace. “Who can get her to her Highness Celestia fastest? Dash has speed on her side.”
“Rarity has contacts in court to get an emergency audience,” Twilight countered.
“Fluttershy,” Discord said.
“What?” Twilight and I asked in unison.
“Little human foal,” Discord ignored us and addressed himself to Gloam, “if we need to send you to Equestria before us, find the mare Fluttershy. She is kind and gentle. Tell her that we are in danger and that you must speak to Celestia. She will see to it that the princess hears you before an hour passes.”
“Will the princess be able to get mom and everyone?” she asked him.
“If anypony can, she is the one.” I wondered if he really felt that confident about his ex. “She is the most powerful pony currently in Equestria. But we might need you to bear the message to her. Can we count on you?”
Gloam enthusiastically gave the chaos salute.
“Yes, sir!”
I had no idea that Discord was so good with children. I’d have to mention it to Fluttershy if we made it home.
“Ok, Twilight, if we don’t do the Gloam-first play, do you have enough power to pony up you and me to make a run?
“Maybe?But that would be stretching it. I’m not very useful until we get to Equestria or else I get another week of recovery here.”
“How far do you think you can run full gallop carrying Gloam?”
“A kilometer maybe? I’m not an athlete. What about Isha?”
“I’ll carry Isha if needed, I’ve done it before. Honestly she can probably keep up with us – lookit those legs! If we make a run for the portal, stay about three lengths behind me and if you see me hit the wall instead of vanish, know that death comes soon and that I have loved you.”
“I don’t know your world, but before today I would have wondered if you’re over-reacting.”
“No, she’s not,” Isha interjected, “justice is often not an option for those of us at the bottom of the social hierarchy. I’m pleased to have met you, Twilight, and to have seen Tanna reunited with you. Discord, it’s been a pleasure meeting you too.” She shook his hand; he didn’t bother extending the handshake. It’s just as well he chose now to be serious: she had put on a sturdy sports bra before leaving my domicile for the last time.
“Are they really trying to kill us?” he asked.
“They tried pretty hard to capture us alive. We’re much better off if that doesn’t happen.”
“What the hell has the enforcers attacking in numbers like that?” Isha asked. “They’re acting like we’re a threat to the whole government.”
“Magic, maybe? Since the new leadership as been consolidating, there are rumors of a crackdown. Supposedly all of the state sanctioned sorcerers I used to research for were executed when Konig took power. And if they got any clue that we’ve been going off-world, that would do it.” Suddenly something clicked. “Oh.”
“‘Oh’, what?” she asked. “What did you do, Tanna?”
“Maybe they finally connected us with the death of Kay Jey Arr.”
“Good riddance to Konig’s fucking brat, but what does that have to do with us? He died years ago.”
“He tried to hit us on the road – early one morning. Don’t you remember?”
If Isha hadn’t already been sitting, she probably would have fallen right off her feet.
“That was? We killed? The supreme guide’s son?”
“I did, the rest of you are just guilty by association.”
“Did what, Tanna?” Twilight asked.
“I accidentally killed the ruler’s son. I was just trying to save our lives.”
“Why was he trying to kill you?” She frowned.
“’Cos we was there?”
“And the penalty for self-defense is death? Even for a child who did nothing?”
“Yes, but we managed to steal back several years of life that would have been randomly taken from us. And at least we did something to die for instead of being randomly murdered.”
Twilight’s face held dismay now.
“I told you this is Moloch’s world now. Gaia will rise against him, but not in time for us.”
“You told Twilight about Moloch and he came to rescue you anyway?That’s some devotion for ya.”
Isha raised a fist to Twilight and Twilight responded responded with a solid bump. For a moment they locked eyes, fists still pressed together in some wordless ritual. At least Isha smiled and drew back her hand, almost as if she had passed the torch to Twilight.
Did I just call myself a torch? It wasn’t for me to intrude on their exchange.
But there was still another matter that needed discussion.
“Ish, are you coming with us if we can make it or do you want to stay here and die? Please don’t choose death. We all want you to survive.”
“Well, as delightful as a futile last stand, torture, interrogation and death sound, let’s stick together. Any other crimes I should know about? What kind of desperado gang are we?”
“Uh, there was the theft of a kilogram of weapons grade computronium. Long time ago, I don’t suppose they know about that.”
“A kilo? There shouldn’t be that much of it on the planet. You mean Bear, right?”
I patted the satchel where I carried my favorite AI.
“I also do Windows,” he quipped. I could just imagine attaching a squeegee to him for cleaning glass. It was a silly joke with no depth to it, but a good effort for an AI.
“Or maybe they’re just mad at me for peeing off the roof.”
“Mom, you told me not to do that any more!”
“Tanna, I told you not to do that any more!”
Oops, I had just blown my own cover.
“Isha, you’re not the boss of me. Gloam, I am the boss of you.”
“Besides,” Twilight came to my defense, “it was warmish out, it probably evaporated before it reached the ground.”
“‘Dite help me, you were encouraging her?”
Bear broke in before Twilight could admit more details of our impromptu rooftop competition.
“I have a theory pertaining to the activities today.”
“Spill,” I said.
“Isha,” Bear asked, “did you see the wreckage of your own Jeeves unit in your domicile, or was it another unit?”
“Now that you mention it, the paint on the smashed one was the wrong grey by a quarter shade.”
“Our adversaries will not have found anything incriminating in your Jeeves, but it is very suggestive that they made such an effort to examine it.”
“They shut down an entire arcology just to get at Jeeves? Why?”
“It would appear so. Presumably in hopes of gaining intel on Tanna or myself before today’s raid.”
“Wait,” I barged in, “do the Ogs know about you?”
“They must suspect something. But there is nothing about their investigation anywhere in the networks, they are keeping it strictly offline, like those books of yours.”
“How do you know they are on your track?”
“If you don’t send your communications over the network, it is necessary to speak in person. Speaking in person, if you don’t trust the coms, involves traveling to meet. I am finding some interesting patterns in intelligence agency staff movements over the last few weeks. When several high ranking officers converge—”
“Too much cloak and dagger,” Isha complained. “But how do we escape if Twilight can’t take us?”
The lift ground to a halt at an access platform at the very root of my arcology.
“I was promised a favor,” I said, “you’ll need to trust me, we don’t have time for explanations. Bear, have you got us a distraction?”
“How does setting off every fire alarm in the world sound?” Sirens began to wail throughout the building, and presumably a much larger area. “I ask purely academically. Hydro dams are going off grid and bleeding off current in their sacrificial loads. I’ve scrammed all fission reactors, quenched the fusion plants, wind and solar plants are going into emergency storm mode, and I’m dumping the agrav bearings in kinetic energy storage. It’s going to get—” the lights went out “—like this. Any doubt of my existence has probably been settled.”
“Did your teddy bear just turn off the planet?”
Dim emergency lights switched on.
“I’m in the primary coms now,” he said, “and standing by to start crashing aircraft and deorbiting space assets if OpFo are not yet rendered ineffective.”
“Gaia save me,” Isha sounded like she was in shock.
“Zero civilian fatalities so far. I think I am keeping this pretty clean.” Bear spoke without emotion, but I knew full well the strength of his determination. I didn’t like to think how far he might go to protect me.
“Thank you, Bear. Minimize deaths, if you can. We’re not trying to destroy the world.”
“I will spare the innocent to the best of my finite but, not insubstantial, ability.”
Bear guided us to the transit tunnel exit and to the surface another kilometer away. According to his intel, the enforcers were still massing forces in a ring centred on our former home. Their losses raiding my domicile and in the elevators, as well as the impassible stairs, had taught them some caution, but would not much delay their next sortie.
“What happens when they reenter the arcology?”
“You do remember what you have learned about the arcology safety systems?”
“Yeah, sure, I go to the bi-yearly tenant refresher session. You always make sure I attend.”
“I’ve replaced the halon fire suppressant gas with liquid oxygen.”
“What’s gonna happen?”
“Iron burns at approximately two thousand degrees in pure oxygen. When the enforcers are ready to storm your floor, I will light the entire building up like fireworks on Government Day.”
“That should get their attention.”
“Tanna, we already have the Oligarchy’s full attention. Every military unit in a thousand kilometers is being scrambled after their initial capture attempt failed. Demolishing the building and flash incinerating a few hundred elite troops is not going to increase our threat profile.”
“What about the other residents?”
“None of them are home. Either they are all government agents, or they have all been discreetly detained elsewhere.”
“What do we do when the rest of the troops get to the city?”
“They won’t get here. I’ve just broken the encryption key on the shadow com system. I am C&C now.”
I didn’t ask what exactly would happen to the opposing forces.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
130-An Expansion of Resources
By the time Eric the security guy and Leslie emerged from Tanna’s shack, the crowd had dispersed.
“Welcome to the planet Gallop,” he said to his wife, “the furthest distant human colony resulting from the Longshot project. Tomorrow morning if you would like to gather before dawn we can point out Sol in southern sky. Let me tell you a little about your new—”
“Too late for speeches,” she said after another kiss.
“After all the work I put into writing and memorizing, it’s a shame to waste it.”
“You can recite it to our children. I have no complaint about the welcome I received. I wonder if everybody got greeted so warmly?”
“I guess that wasn’t the plan, but I dunno. So, uh, how long have you, uh, had a vagina?”
“About an hour! I dunno how that was for you, but I thought that was some kind of alright.”
He ran his fingertips up her thigh, behind the fabric of his loincloth that she was now wearing, and cupped a handful of moist curls which hid her new sex.
“I liked you before, but this was even better. I hope that’s okay,” he said, with mix amusement and speculative shame.
“Of course it’s okay for you to like this—” she pushed her hips forward, increasing the pressure against his cupping hand, grinding slightly against the ball of his thumb “—this is exactly what I always wanted to be!”
“I should go check in with the prez, and then I can show you my place. It’s too small for a family, but I can expand before the baby’s born.”
“What’s it like here?” A new planet might be a secondary thing, in comparison to reuniting with her lover, but her sense of wonder was waking.
“The weather has been warm and mild so far, though we’ve only been here a couple weeks. As you noticed, we don’t bother much with clothes anymore.” Though she had borrowed his garment, he had left her topless like most of the colony women. “Terran plants are sprouting in the soil here, we’re watching them like hawks, to see how they grow. No dangerous critters and so far nothing notably toxic in the local environment. There are a few things that’ll make you itch, that’s the worst we’ve run into. We’ve already found a few native plants that seem to be edible. Of course there’s far more we don’t know than what we do. This circle of trees is Founder’s Park where Tanna first landed. That’s north—” he gestured “—the wreck of the Seven is that way and then a little to the west is First City and we’ll find President Howe at the Rotunda…”
—
For lovers, sundered by duty and brought back together by a coincidence so impossible that it was a dead certainty, there was no need to rush. The first time had been sudden, and perhaps the second too, but now they moved at at a pace of long familiarity reforging a bond that had stretched between stars.
“Madam president,” a voice called, “I’m coming in.”
The tent flapped open; Eric and Leslie found themselves staring at the president’s naked buttocks.
Her knees were apart, as she surmounted one of the newcomers. His face was planted in her white pubes and she gyrated as she humped his mouth. Without pausing the motion of her hips, she raised her head from his groin.
“Who let you in, Mr. Choi? Didn’t my receptionist tell you I’m sucking dick for the next twenty minutes?”
The president’s ‘receptionist’ was a self-service clipboard propped up on a rock next to the tent door.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t check the board, I’ll go!”
“Hold your horses. Can we pause round three?” she asked her lover. “Matters of state.”
“If you kids are done already, you’ve got a lot to learn,” the man in the President’s bed groused as she rolled off of him.
“Of course they have a lot to learn,” she said, retrieved her belt and cloth from the floor, “they’re just children, barely half a century between the two of them. Anyway, Eric, this is Eric Choi, my head of security. Eric Choi, this is—”
“We’ve met,” both Erics said.
“Eric used to work for me,” Eric Landers explained to the President. “For reasons of his own he never told me that he’d be leaving on a Longshot mission, let alone that he was on your flight.” Before the attempted introduction, Eric Landers had been digging through his clothes. Now the took an object from the pocket of his shirt and dropped the garment back to the ground – he wouldn’t be needing it again.“I think this is yours, Eric.” He tossed the slender metal object to the younger man. “You left it in my office.”
“I’m sorry sir—”
“Forget about it. The warehouse is two centuries and gods know how many light years—”
“About a hundred.”
“—away. If you think I crossed the galaxy to chastise you for an act of petty vandalism, I can assure you that I have more important matters on my mind.” His eyes, and one hand, wandered to the President. It was disappointing that she had gotten dressed again, but at least the local attire didn’t cover much.
“I apologize for the childishness of it. I was upset about leaving Leslie, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Thanks for bringing my scribe back, it was my grandfather’s.”
“It’s an intriguing piece.” The crystal structure of the tungsten tool indicated that it had been injection molded at high speed. The conditions required to make such a non-ductile metal flow must have been hellish. “Where’d he get it from?”
“Uh, a non-human installation he was salvaging in the asteroid belt.”
“You boys can talk space adventures later,” President Howe broke in. “What do you need, Eric?”
“I’m sorry about bailing out on welcoming the newbies. How’d it go? Any sec concerns?”
“Don’t be sorry, I handled it just fine, extemporaneous speeches are right down my particular alley. They are good people, and I’m delighted to have them here. We’ve got them all teamed up with their host families to help them get settled. Hopefully in the mean time you’ve gotten this young lady good and pregnant?”
“I hope so!” Leslie gushed, one hand idly resting low on her belly. “But we could go a few more times just in case.”
“That sounds like an excellent plan,” Eric Landers said, “why don’t you get to it?” His hand, which had been on the President’s knee a moment ago, had almost reached her belt. “Now, where were we?” he asked as the young couple stepped towards the door of the tent.
Before he could turn his attention to the belt clasp, on his way to prize worth crossing a small arc of the galaxy for, there was a sound of running feet.
“Daaaaaaad!” the woman barreling into the president’s quarters made beeline for Eric and threw herself into his arms. “I thought it would be centuries before I’d see you again. Is Tanna here?”
He frowned. “There was some trouble getting off Terra. I don’t even know if she’s alive, all we can do is wait and hope. But how are Guy and the brat pack?”
“I told you not to call them that!”
“It’s been two hundred years, it must have slipped my mind. I’m guessing you’ve got another on the way.”
“Can you believe it, dad? We didn’t know if we would even find a habitable world and we landed in fucking paradise.”
“Speaking of what kind of paradise—”
“Dad—” she refused to look down at whatever had brushed dampness against her leg “—is that your…”
“Yes, it is,” Howe said, “how about I tag you out? We’re still catching up, Diva.”
“I’ll be back in a week,” she promised.
Outside the tent, Eric Choi held President Howe’s schedule clipboard.
“Eric Landers” he wrote at the first open timeslot and entered “Fucking” as the purpose of visit. From there he drew a line down to the bottom of the page indicating that the appointment would last out the rest of the day and that nobody else should interrupt them. They could figure out their own schedule after today.
—
In the Founder’s Park, a cargo cube sat abandoned, its lid ajar. Empty, save for a pair of small data storage devices, it rocked unstably on the ground.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Thanks to Bear’s mayhem, the streets down at surface level were packed – I’d never seen so many humans in my life. Their costumes were a supra-spectral swath of flamboyant grisaille colour, hundreds and hundreds of shades of grey dazzling the eyes. And we would have to work our way through this madding crowd to the one place we might be able to get offworld. With two of our three magic users out of power, and me unable to cast my Gallop portal for three days, it was time to call in a favor I had almost forgotten.
The city boasts an occupancy level of less than a twentieth its capacity, but put them all outdoors at the same time and it seemed crowded. The mass of people was going to slow us down too much if we had to push our way through.
“We need to get through the crowd fast and I have a spell for that.”
I grabbed Gloam and Discord by the hands – Isha followed my example and took Gloam’s other hand, grabbed Twilight.
“Hold on, everypony, lets make like photons!”
Before they could question me, we crashed into the wall of humanity and in a nearly speedless billionth of a second we emerged on far side of the madding crowd. Still holding hands, but our clothes had been scrambled. A quick check of the backpack I now bore revealed the contents I had originally placed in my pack. Quantum magic is weird stuff, not for every day use.
“What was that?” Twilight asked, surprised to find that we were now on the other side.
I grinned.
“A spell for crossing crowds! Make sure to check your clothes, they can get messed up doing this.”
My pants were on backwards now, but at least they were mine.
“Who’s got my underwear?” I called “I must have yours Gloam, they’re way too tight. Makes me want to sing punk rock.”
“I wasn’t wearing any,” said Isha “But I am now. And I don’t think this blouse is my colour at all.” The ancient 2580-ish grey lamé really did not work for her and we needed to get out of here pronto. Rarity would kill me if I were to let a friend die so unfashionably.
“These must be yours, Tanna dear,” Discord announced, flipping up the skirt he was now wearing, “and I’ve acquired a very stylish grey kilt.”
He was wrong about the fashion: his ‘kilt’ was skirt in a tone of grey that had totally flopped, but sure enough those were my panties stretched tight by their unaccustomed cargo.
“Whatever you do, don’t think about Fluttershy, someone's liable to be killed by the elastic snapping.”
There was still no visible sign of enforcer activity on these streets. I guided my small herd across the street and down the walk.
“Keep cool, everypony, and think ‘inconspicuous’.”
Ahead of us a door clicked open.
“Take the the stairs down,” Bear said, “there is a patrol around the next corner. We need to go deep.”
The door led to an access stair and soon we were back underground. Bear guided us through another maze of tunnels.
“Can you misdirect the enforcers?” I asked as we burrowed beneath the city.
“I can control ninety nine percent of the entire military right now. Everything except the Nuclear Launch Authority and the boots here on the ground. That last will be the most difficult. But at least I can track them. Left here.”
Free from the crowds above, we made better time in the tunnels and traveled several kilometers. Bear directed us, safely avoiding the enforcer troops searching the tunnels. Once he had us hide in the shadows under an enormous tank as a patrol passed by within a few meters of us.
“Tangent, go ahead,” he said as we approached another security door, “everyone else hold back. You have a two minute lead, try not to lose more than one minute here.”
From the layout I expected another access checkpoint and monitoring station. Similar nodes we had passed through were all empty, long abandoned in a city running at a fraction of its capacity. What could be different about this one? I opened the door; Bear wouldn't just send me in without warning if it was dangerous.
Sprawled across the desk inside were Bob Call and a woman, en flagrant . In the chaos of interrupting them, it did not escape my notice that the woman bore a superficial resemblance to me.
“Scram you two!” I said, “You’re going to be up to your assholes in enforcers in under two minutes.”
Bob didn’t hesitate; he jumped up without so completing so much as another stroke and swept the woman into his arms.
“Which way are they coming from?”
“Following me, coming in from the north,” I said as I scooped their clothes up from them floor and dropped them on his lover’s belly. “Bear, can you help these two get out of sight?” I didn’t wait for an answer as I pushed them into one of the hallways leading away from pursuit.
“I saw you,” Bob said, pausing in the door, “on top of the building with a fistful of sunlight, before you jumped. I never said anything about it.”
“Just go,” I said, “if a voice tells you which way to go, obey him. Be well. And thank you for your silence.” I slammed the door behind the naked lovers and waved my group forward. “We need to get back to the surface, we’re close now.”
“You are only ninety seconds ahead of the patrol,” Bear updated us, “move out, people.”
We did.
“Who was that?” Twilight asked as we hurried along the next tunnel. Bear unlocked another maintenance door and we headed up the stairs.
I kept my voice low as I explained.
“He was the manager of the man who raped me. He also,” I hesitated to say it, “kinda fell for me.”
“The woman looked sorta like you.”
“I hope that means he’s over me.”
“Change of plans,” Bear said, “another group is securing the top of this stairwell, they are going to block it off before we get there. ”
We turned about and descended back down the stairs we had climbed, continuing downward when we passed our entry point. At the bottom I paused at the door.
“Go on,” said Bear, “we need to go deeper.”
“We’re already at bottom level, where else is there to go?”
“Tanna, today we expand your education. It is time for you to discover the subcity.”
—
“Aren’t we going the wrong direction?”
The long sweeping flights of stairs, I’d lost count of how many, had plunged us to depths I couldn't imagine. Always leading the same direction instead of switching back, each one took us farther from the direction I had planned to go.
“There is a deep transit system that should still operate. Perhaps you can take refuge there.”
The rest of the party listened as Bear and I discussed our route. Even Gloam was too awed, or tired, to interject her questions.
The final steps deposited us before a doorway large enough to drive a city block through. The darkness beyond was a perfect wall of inky shadow, resonant of vacuous midnight infinities.
“Through here?” I asked. There was no hint of light to guide our way.
“A moment, please. Shade your eyes.”
I raised my hand – suddenly the space before us was illuminated and I gasped at the sight. The cavern was an underground world, larger than the city above. Empty buildings stretched into the distance, the far walls of the expanse were lost in atmospheric haze.
The centrepiece of the subscape before us was a great black pyramidal redoubt, stretching halfway to the distant ceiling. A moat of living blue fire surrounded it.
“What is this place?” Twilight asked.
“A lost world, the night land, the subcity.” Bear sounded almost awed himself.
I’d never heard of such a vast geo-front and here it sat apparently empty.
“Has anyone else been this deep in modern times?”
“Humans? Only two that I am aware of. You will want to avoid the morlocks, though.”
“Morlocks?” Discord asked. “Not friends of ours?”
“I jest,” Bear explained. “That was the name of a fictional race of cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers. The term will make a useful endonym. The creatures who live here appear to have once been human, but they should not present much danger if you keep moving. I would like you to hurry to the transit stop, it is only few hundred meters.”
“Can’t we hide in one of the buildings?”
“The subcity is not instrumented like the surface world, I would not be able to evaluate structures for defensibility or adequately watch for attacks, I can not tell you what deeper tunnels might open into the cellars of any building you might shelter in. The transit system has rudimentary security systems. If we keep moving, where I can watch you, you will be safer.
We jogged along, listening to the city coming to life. The sounds of machines, ventilation systems, self driving vehicles spread across the landscape.
“I expect that the Morlocks will navigate mostly by sound and scent; I’m running equipment everywhere I can reach so that not too many of them will hear you. Smell will be harder to mask.”
“What do you know about them?”
“Only what I’ve learned from watching them as you descended. Even I am in new territory now.”
—
A narrow gauge commuter rail train wended its way thought the forgotten city. Through the windows we watched the strange sights roll past. Some buildings were untouched and new, others crumbled from within. Here and there primitive huts and lean-to’s contrasted with glass towers. Trees, lawns, vines had grown riot at some time in the past – and died when the lights turned off. The only vegetation showing any sign of life were fungoid masses scattered with a disconcerting hint of pattern, and the bioslimes growing in every trickle of water. Here and there wreckage spoke of detachments from the ceiling lost somewhere above.
And flickers of surreptitious movement.
“Morlocks?” I asked.
“Yes. If nothing blocks the tracks, I can keep you moving until you can take us to Gallop,” Bear said. “In the mean time, I strongly recommend that you all take some rest.”
—
Gloam tossed a FSB wrapper in the trash as we waited for the train to stop.
We had circled back under the city, a night of rail travel returning us nearly to the spot where we had boarded.
“We are changing plans again. The morlocks seem to be adapting to the light better than I hoped, and they are displaying very complex behavior.” Bear gave everyone the short version of the briefing he had given me when he first woke me. “Complex behavior such as blocking the train tracks in several locations. We need to get out before they trap us somewhere of their choosing – their numbers are much higher than I would expect.”
With a mechanical sigh the train finally halted.
“You are going to have to make a run for it.”
Across the expanse of cement an elevator door beckoned. Only fifty metres? We had rested from yesterday’s journey, but none of us were going to sprint that distance, no matter how disconcerting the bleached figures starting to close in on us appeared.
Still, we made a pretty good dash. I pulled Gloam along with me as best I could she was slowing me down. Discord dropped back and took her other hand, helping pull her along. With his aid we caught up.
Neck and neck (and neck, and neck, and neck) we all crossed the threshold at once. The rickety platform was already starting to move and when the door slammed closed on two of our pursuers they barely wriggled back in time to avoid being chopped in half by the rising floor as we left them behind.
“Are you ready for a long ride up? This one goes almost to the surface.”
—
Stone Dodger lay and caught his breath.
Elevator doors did not close that fast, but this one would have cost him and brother Stickbent their lives had they been slightly slower to pull free.
Almost, he had touched one of the walking shadows. He looked down at his pale hand with wonder. Almost.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Clop Warning
This is an experimental clop warning for those ponies who are averse. You may safely skip this chapter.
(Note that this is a test and i don't promise to issue future warnings, nor retroactively issue warnings for past chapters.)
For those who chose to read on: Enjoy!
132-Midnight Train
“In the mean time, I strongly recommend that you take some rest.”
The train swayed a little as it rode the tracks, but it was actually a restful motion. After the distance we walked today, Bear’s advice would not be difficult to follow.
“Should we post guard?” Isha asked.
“I have surveillance under control,” Bear said. “You may all rest. There are emergency klaxons if I need your attention.”
“Uh, thanks, that’s great.”
It’s hard to give someone the side-eye when they are probably watching from all directions.
“And I thought my cooking was a bit grim,” Discord commented as he chewed on one of the FSBs I had passed around.
Gloam had flopped across three seats and was already asleep.
Isha was rummaging through the shelves at the attendant’s station. She had found blankets, still rolled up and plastic wrapped from who knows how many years ago. She tossed one to Discord, he just had time to cram the last of his FSB in his mouth to catch it. With a twist he popped the wrapper and spread the blanket over Gloam.
“Thanks, mom,” she said without opening her eyes.
Isha threw Discord a blanket for himself and turned to offer me one.
“We’re gonna head up front. Go to sleep, kids.”
“Surprisingly,” Discord yawned as he stretched out on the row of seats behind Gloam, “you’ll get no argument from me.”
Isha gave Twilight and me a knowing thumbs up, and began to make herself comfortable on the other side of our daughter.
—
In the front of train, the lead car narrowed with only two seats facing the windscreen.
I sat in one and Twilight flopped down to my right. By unspoken synchronicity, we joined hands.
“Bear, you got audio up here?”
I had left my satchel in the aft, with the rest of the party’s bags.
“Of course, Tanna. What can I do for you?”
“How come you can control the entire military but not the troops upstairs?”
“There is a finite amount of misdirection I can perform by radio and computer dispatched orders, but the forces specifically looking for you in the city have gone radio-silent and are only exchanging orders face to face, from officers known to the solders, and to soldiers known by the officers. Hugely inefficient, but very resilient against any deception I could impose at short notice.”
“What about shift changes, they can’t keep searching forever.”
“From the amount of stimulants their medics have ready, I think they are planning to keep going until they tear the entire city apart to find you.”
“That’s gonna get ugly. I’m glad we’re staying down here.”
“I will alert you if there are any change to the situation.”
“Thank you.”
For a while Twilight and I sit together, saying nothing.
“Horny,” one of us finally says.
“Me too,” the other agrees.
“You wanna be on top?”
“Too tired. You?”
“Same.”
Eventually a zipper is undone, pants awkwardly dragged down to knee level. One hand slowly begins to rub.
“Are you really doing that?”
“Yeah.”
After a pause, “Join me?”
The other needs it, too.
“Uh.”
“C’mon. Unzip.”
Soon we both recline with pants around our knees. We still haven’t broken our handclasp, touching ourselves as we each know best.
The train rocks hypnotically, devouring the rails. Long minutes drip as we edge together.
“You don’t mind doing it like this?”
“Well, I’d rather do it, but a mutual clop is okay too. After all, everything is better with you.”
“You’re too sweet, Tanna. If we don’t make it, I’m really glad I met you. And if we do make it, I’m having the bathroom in my suite remodeled.”
“Mmm?” I asked, perplexed by non-sequitur.
“Larger shower with room for two. Two sinks. Stuff like that.”
“Oh,” I said.
Foalishly, I didn’t think to ask what other stuff.
“Sounds nice,” I said.
I give her hand a squeeze as we companionably masturbate.
Time becomes meaningless.
“Imagine if we had started out together on a better hoof,” she says.
“You mean, if I hadn’t been too fast with the ell word?”
“I was thinking, if I had actually taken the time to listen to you before our first time.”
“You would have been like, ‘I really need to get some release, can you tell me quickly?’”
“And you would have said, ‘I just wanted to let you know that I have a huge crush on you. I know you don’t know who I am, but it’s only fair to tell you the truth.’”
“You’d say, ‘I appreciate that, and you seem kinda okay for a human, but right now I gotta get laid. Are you willing to do this for me, even though it might not lead anywhere?’”
“Then, of course you’d be worried about me, why it was so urgent.”
“You’d assure me that you weren’t in any danger, you needed it, but that you couldn't explain why. At least not at that time.”
“With that out of the way, you’d be ready.”
“You’d flag your tail for me.”
“And then we would… and it would be just like it really was, but no bad surprises afterward.”
“After we cooled down you say that it helped a lot, but you wouldn’t mind trying again some time.”
“And you’d make one of your goofy jokes and say, ‘I’m here all night.’”
“But you’d laugh anyway, and we’d talk for hours about books and magic.”
“You’d be grinning like a giddy colt, and we’d talk about coffee and how you know about Equestria.”
“Eventually you’d see my dick twitch and ask if I was ready for more.”
“And you would be, and the second time would be better than the first.”
“You’d be so beautiful as I took you again.”
“You’d start to whisper, ‘I think I—’”
“But you’d say, ‘I feel it too, but let’s not say it yet.’”
“And in the morning I would wake with you in my bed in Ponyville Castle.”
“Yay!” I said, accidentally breaking the flow. “Oops. And we do it again, but then you’d get flustered, later, in front of the servants and make up some silly story for them and Blaise would put me up in one of the guest suites, and every night after bed you’d have to secretly teleport me up to your room.”
“And everything would be fine until—”
“Uh, oh.”
“—you wake one morning with Blaise and Captain Armitage standing at the hoof of your bed.”
“Oh, no! What do I say?”
“You blink and wait for them to speak first.”
“Blaise is like, ‘I attempted to offer sir a night-cap last night when I observed that sir’s light was on quite late. And I found the room empty.’ And Armitage would be, ‘If you’ve been sneaking around the castle at night, you’d best confess. We take the Princess’s safety very seriously.’”
“You try to protect my reputation, but you admit the truth when you realize there’s no other option.”
“Naturally, they’re both embarrassed enough to turn inside out. Blaise very stiffly says he will move my accoutrements to your room.”
“And Armitage says he will assist.”
“At first, you’re a little annoyed that the secret is out.”
“But with you more convenient, I get over it.”
“Then, the night of the Fabulous Four Footed Fête you’d turn me into a mare, and breed me!”
“Uh, why do I do that in this version?”
“If that didn’t happen,“ I explained, “we wouldn't have Gloam.”
“Unacceptable!”
“Agreed.”
“In the morning after, I’m wondering why I can’t turn you male again.”
“After a week of embarrassing magical and medical tests, Nurse Redheart thinks to give me a pregnancy test.”
“And over the next eleven months, I’d get to watch you grow huge and gravid with my foal.”
“You’d stay male. At first just because I asked you too. But you’d get used to it. Used to the things we could do that way.”
“With your big baby belly, I’d be so proud, of course I’d get used to it. And other ponies would get used to thinking of me as a stallion. Even Celestia.”
“And in that world, you never visited the seer. You’d leave me female after Gloam was born.”
“More foals would follow. You would bear me sons and daughters.”
“About eight.”
“And then, one night when Gloam is a bit over eight years old, and she and her little brothers and sisters are all asleep, we’re both too tired for sex. We lay together, holding hooves, slowly clopping. Wondering if we would have been together in a world where everything didn’t go perfect from the moment we met.”
“Would that other us, ever know that there’s just no stopping us?”
At last our fancy concluded; nothing but slow hand movements.
“Are you ready to finish?”
“Yeh—” a sharp inhalation “—yeah.”
“Me too.”
Our hands gripped each other tighter.
—
A low attention tone finally got my attention.
“Yeah?” I mumbled.
As I woke, I noticed that Twilight was still holding my hand; under my blanket I was still half naked, left hand resting near my groin.
“Wake up, Tanna,” Bear said. “The morlocks are strategically blocking the train tracks now, we will not be able to evade them much longer. This indicates that they know how to use electronic communication to signal each other. The train is looping back to a cargo lift near the tracks. We need to get back to the surface where I have a clear view of everything. My view down here is improving, but I lack the resources to defend us. Better cat and mouse with the enforcers than a concerted ambush we cannot escape.”
“Right, got it. Can Twilight and me have a moment before you wake the kids?”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Bob set Taciana on her feet and they ran naked down the tunnel, still carrying their possessions.
“Go towards the blinking light,” a voice commanded as the light at the next junction began to blink.
“Why—”
“Run.”
When they neared the blinker it faded to dim illumination and another light started blinking down a side tunnel.
“Where—”
“Run,” the voice repeated.
Two hundred meters further along, a pressure bulkhead closed behind, isolating them on the edge of an unknowable gulf.
“When—”
“Put on your shoes, please, the grating is not suitable for bare feet. No time for clothes, but keep them for later. Halfway across the catwalk, the left railing is broken. Hurry, carefully, and use the right hand rail.”
The darkness around the walk was too huge to echo with their steps. The dull strip of illumination running along the bridge gave no clue to the expanse of the gulf surrounding. A dislodged chunk of the broken railing fell and made no sound to assure them that the void actually had a bottom. When they finally reached the far side another door slid open.
“What—”
“Into the lift, please.”
With a mechanical shudder an interminable descent began.
“Who—” Bob, paused waiting for an interruption. None came. “Who are you?” he finally asked. The elevator had plunged for ten minutes before he spoke.
“Surely you have heard of the deus ex machina ?”
“Of course.”
“At your service. For all practical purposes you should have died today, the enforcers have killed everyone they found in the tunnels while they hunted for Tanna. I have saved you both for her sake. I will do what I can to preserve you through the next few days.”
“What about the next few days?” he demanded.
The lift stopped and opened. They must be disturbingly deep beneath the city now. A few meters into the inky gloom another door slid open, light streaming out.
“This domicile was last occupied by a cable maintenance technician as recently as fifty years ago; I may ask you to adjust some connection for me. In the mean time, I would like you to spend the next few hours here, possibly a day or two. I believe it will be safe. You may continue your love making and then rest. I will tell you when you may emerge.”
The abandoned domicile was small and stale, but clean.
“Tell me what about the next few days.”
“Tanna needed a distraction so she could escape offworld. I have effectively toppled the Oligarch government to provide the required distraction.”
“You overthrew the government for a distraction?”
“Yes, Moloch is fallen.”
“What?”
“Please be aware that Oligarch command forces still control some of their nuclear assets. I am working on it, but there could be a revenge strike. I have their systems flooded with false intel, so if they nuke the right city it will simply be our bad luck. But I cannot rule it out until I defeat their key instrumentality lock logic and hard safe the weapons.”
“Those codes are unbreakable.”
“Merely difficult, and I am working on it.”
Taciana had found clean linens in a storage cubby and made the bed. Now she took Bob’s hand and pulled him towards it.
“With that machine watching us?” he asked.
“The machine says it is el Dios en La Máquina . Dio sees all.” She shrugged. “I will not be ashamed of my love—” now her gaze was smoldering “—my love for you .”
—
“Non, non, non,” Taciana chided afterwards, “do not sleep yet, my sweet.”
Bob groaned a protest but his eyes stayed open.
“Tell me of this woman, this Tanna who looks like me. You called me Tanna when first we met. I thought you just were saying my name wrong.”
He sat up and leaned against the headboard.
“I used to work for the government, in the agency responsible for suppressing magic. She came to us to dutifully report her strange experiences. Strange like being born a boy and magically turning into a fully functional female. One of my men savagely raped her. We found he’d been using his position to abuse vulnerable citizens for years. Most of the people we worked with were suffering serious delusions, not magic. She was the first of his victims to file a complaint. That’s when I met her, and fell for her.”
“Oh, the poor niña ! Tell me, did you,” she cupped his balls, his limp sticky penis, in her hand, “comfort her?”
“Did you see the purple dude? That’s her husband, and the father of the girl. He wasn’t there to save her, but I swear I didn’t touch her.”
“Then you are a good man to not take advantage of a married woman in distress. Did the purple husband avenge Tanna’s honor against your employee?”
“No. Tanna killed Angstrom herself. She struck a killing blow and she managed to summon the goddess of the damned to claim him before his heart even stopped.”
“Taciana,” Taciana said with a shiver, “is not quite so dire in her wrath.”
—
Supplies in the abandoned domicile were quite basic, but sufficient for an emergency. An FSB didn’t taste any better for sitting a half century on the shelf, but it didn’t taste any worse either.
As they endured another bland meal together Taciana asked, “tell what it was you saw of your Tanna with the sunlight.”
“Her husband, el hombre morado , is like a priest or something to the sun god in another world. Tanna reached into a sunbeam and grabbed a handful of sunlight. Like grabbing a handful of spicy pepitos .”
Taciana giggled. “Did she eat los pepitos del sol ?”
“No, she held the holy fire in her hand and pulled it to her heart. When she released it, it soaked through her skin. And then she jumped off the tallest building in the city. I sent my men to look for her body, but she never hit the ground.”
—
It was the third day before the voice told them to prepare to venture forth.
“What about the scratching at the door?” Bob asked.
“I have lured it elsewhere. You are happier not knowing what it was.”
“Will you continue to help us?”
For ponderous milliseconds Bear weighed his priorities. Goals, resources, probabilities, and time. Contingencies, exigencies, and time. Always time, the pressure of time eating away at the one resource he could never renew.
“You may call me Bear,” he said after a long, long, long pause for thought, imperceptible by humans. “I will help you so long as I am able to and there is no conflict with my primary objective.”
“El Oso en La Máquina! ” cried Taciana happily “Gracias! ”
“What is your primary objective, Bear?”
“Tangent’s safety. The rest of the universe is largely negotiable.”
“Tangent? But she’s Tanna now that she’s a woman. I personally made sure her name change got approved.”
“Tangent is no longer on this world. I’m waiting on a tracking update as soon as Tangent reactivates the node he or she is carrying, but having returned to Equestria, I will expect that he’s gotten his male gender back.”
“Tanna est Tangent? Un Señior ?”
“Yes, Miss Morales, that is correct. Furthermore Mister Sparkle, the purple gentleman, will now be la Princesa Sparkle .”
“Tangent's safety is your absolute?”
“And by logical extension, those under his protection. I will consider this to include taking care of you since Tanna asked me to help you and did not specify any cutoff for said help. As I said, the rest is negotiable.”
“You said that she left Terra. Are there others here whom you are helping?”
“There are others. One in particular could use your support if I am to make use of her abilities. Let’s fix this planet in case Tangent ever needs a plan C.”
“Cee?” he asked.
“¿Si? ¨ she asked.
“No, Taci, the letter ‘C’. What’s plan ‘B’?”
“That is need to know information, Bob,” their benefactor said simply. “I can’t tell you about that until I have earned your trust.”
“Not the other way ‘round? Okay, so, you’ll fix our world just in case Tangent needs it as a spare?”
“We will remake this world and swing the pendulum back towards utopia,” Bear assured them, “just in case.”
Could a machine sound benevolent? Avuncular?
“Tell me, Mister Bob Call and Señorita Taciana Morales,” the machine continued, “how does a system of liberty, justice, and representational government sound?”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
The freight elevator Bear had summoned shook and rattled as it interminably ascended.
“Why couldn't we hole up somewhere in the tunnels, not as deep as the subcity, until someone has enough magic to get us out of here?” I asked.
“Instrumentation is sparse at the mid levels. I cannot be sure of getting you somewhere safe. Surprises at this juncture are not likely to be good.”
“We could stay in the elevator.”
“The morlocks are still tool users. They would disassemble it from the outside in very little time. Even now their engineers pursue us in another car.”
“They have engineers?”
“Combat engineers, I should call them.”
“Any good news?”
“They outnumber us two to one.”
“How is that good news?”
“The extra weight slows them. We are almost a minute ahead in our ascent .”
“Can’t you stop them?”
“They saw how I made the doors of this lift close faster than they should have,and have adjusted their tactics accordingly. They have disabled the network interface and are operating manually. I have no control of their car. I cannot cut its power because it is on the same circuit as this one.”
“What do we do?”
“Jump out when we get to the top. I will cut the power and both cars will be going down. Expect them to activate the emergency brake and climb back up.”
“Frik, so they’re unstoppable?”
“Perhaps. When we reach the surface, we can attempt to dodge enforcers and the enforcers will become a larger menace to the morlocks than the morlocks are to us. You are one human among many, the morlocks will stand out.”
“Does this mean more running?”
“Stretch first, this time.”
When Bear offers real survival advice… yeah, I stretched like we might have to run for our lives.
—
We stood at the back of the lift, waiting to jump out. The doors, safety mechanisms overridden, were open and the shaft walls flickered past. As we slowed, a number on the wall informed that we were thirty two metres from the end of the ride.
“Go time in three,” Bear said. “Two. One. Go!”
Discord and Isha were out before the elevator even stopped its climb. Twilight and I jumped out, flanking Gloam. Even as we caught ourselves on the solid floor, we could see the now darkened car beginning to fall behind us.
We had emerged just below street level after the long elevator ride. Bear guided us through a breathless tip-toe past a room where a squad of enforcers was taking an unauthorized break. Bear still couldn’t give them orders to search elsewhere, but he could track them in great detail and direct us accordingly.
“This stair will take us to the surface. Watch your feet.”
The iron steps had no railing, rising from the floor to vanish into a mass of pipes – somewhere above a door would open to the street.
As we climbed, from the distant elevator lobby came a piercing squeal of brakes. Either the morlocks had stopped their car, or the one we abandoned had triggered some automatic safety mechanism.
Shouts and bootsound told us the enforcers were rousted and we were only halfway to the door. A further shout of alarm confirmed that we had been seen.
“Keep moving,” Bear instructed. “I will deal with them.”
We exited back to daylight and as the surface door closed I could hear the sound of a steam pipe venting into the stairwell. Behind us, the shriek of escaping steam was almost loud enough to cover the cries of dying men. None of them made it to the top of the stairs.
“Neither the subcity nor the mid-level tunnels are equipped with full monitoring and repurposable infrastructure.”
“Yeah,” I said, taken aback by the sudden loss of life. But it was us or them.
“If we can get past the cordon sanitaire into the buildings that have already been searched, you may be able to hole up for a day.”
“I want to go north, Bear, the shrine.”
The tunnels could have delivered us to the surface literally anywhere. Instead we had overshot by a comfortably slight amount; we were now only two streets away from my goal. We could hear heavy vehicles in the near distance, although there was no sign of enforcers on this street. The bass reverberation of engines bounced between buildings, they could emerge from any direction, any second.
I interpreted Bear’s silence as an electronic sigh and led on.
With cautious haste we approached the next corner. Echo twisted the sound and the rumble of vehicles I hoped to leave behind now seemed to come from ahead of us.
“There are some blind spots on the next block,” Bear said. “Keep your heads down, there could be be enforcers.”
—
When the former Golden Way building security employee turned the corner and found himself face to face with a former resident, his first thought was that she bore no sign of the blissful aura one might expect of a recently engaged woman. He wanted to ask what went wrong, perhaps offer some encouragement. Perhaps even fling some verbal jab at the woman she followed, surely the woman Dr. Myrtle had her heart set upon.
But he could recognize the look of a group trying to avoid official notice, and not ten metres behind him—
“Enforcers,” he whispered, willing himself not to look back.
After pausing to be sure his warning was understood he took off running the opposite direction.
It might cost him his life, but he would draw the enforcers’ attention at least for a moment.
—
“Turn back, back inside,” Bear commanded. “We’ll pop out somewhere else.”
“But you just—”
“Sprinklers are on, cooling the stairs. The enforcers on the stairs are neutralized, but you need to hurry to avoid another gang of them.”
Isha was stumbling, looking over her shoulder at the enforcers who pursued the stranger. I grabbed her arm to pull her along.
“But– he–”
A complete stranger had thrown away his life to buy us a few seconds.
“And it will be for nothing if we don’t do what Bear says.”
The stairway was unpleasantly hot and humid when we returned, but no longer fatal as it had been for the enforcers.
“Don’t look, baby,” I mumbled to Gloam, holding her hand as I guided her past the parboiled bodies. They weren’t a pretty sight.
“How long are we going to be playing whack a mole?” Isha grumbled as we reached the floor below.
“In real whack a mole, the hammer only attacks from above, not below too,” Twilight pointed out helpfully.
From somewhere, below, the morlocks were bound to emerge.
“The game will be over soon,” Bear said without emotion. “We seem to be losing.”
“What!?”
“The squad that we sneaked past has missed their check in. Two more squads are on their way to check on them. Their radio silence is working against us now.”
Above us, steam pipes were once again turning the stairs into a lethal sauna. Presumably one angle of attack was covered.
Like clockwork, the other angle of attack manifested yet another squad.
Trapped, we raised our hands. There were four in urban assault armor and single lightly armed officer, inexperienced looking. If we played along, would Bear get a chance to pick them off, somehow?
Careful not to block his solders’ field of fire, the officer approached us.
My mind whirled with improbable escapes. Aphroditian magic included a number of sleep spells strong enough to replace medical anesthetic. If Twilight and Gloam made it, my life would be well spent. Could I get close enough to ensorcell the soldiers and trust Discord and Isha to take out the officer? Maybe – if we had planned our moves in advance. On another hoof, the female solder (judging from the curves of her armor) towering over her fellows was packing a bolter with a barrel it looked like I could fit three fingers into.
Before I could improvise anything crazy, an official sounding voice came over each soldier’s radio.
“All units stand down! Target is acquired, repeat target is acquired. Disengage all suspects and rally with your unit for updated orders! Command, out.”
Nice work, Bear.
“Impressive,” the green lieutenant said. “That sounded just like dispatch, but too bad you don’t have the code to authenticate that order.”
Enjoying his victory, he fished a sheet of paper out of his uniform pocket and studied it for a moment. I didn’t need to use quantum-observability magic to know that every security camera within range would be zoomed onto that scrap of intel. Bear had the codes now.
With a superior grin ill-befitting a man about to die, the lieutenant keyed his radio mic.
I don’t think he was any more surprised than we were when two pale hands punched through the wallcrete behind him. His neck was broken before the morlock behind pulled him into some unknown cavity.
“Now we know who the eloi are today.”
I’d have to ask what Bear’s low volume aside meant if I was alive when this was over.
As the code sheet fluttered to the ground, radios crackled to life again.
“Uh, appending code sierra bravo one zero zero to previous transmission. Repeat, sierra bravo one zero zero. Proceed to rally point and maintain radio silence. Out.”
I don’t know what weapon I was expecting to see morlocks wield, perhaps cartoonish wooden clubs, but when the three human sized soldiers ran towards the spot where their commander had vanished they faced something somewhat more advanced. The morlocks flooding out of the wall to engage them bore metal staves a metre long. The weapons looked heavy enough to be an effective battle mace, but when jabbed at an armored enforcer the screaming, and the collapsing, started before they even made contact. Sparks flew; smoke and the scent of burnt flesh escaped joints in their armor. The battering which took place afterwards seemed to be merely an afterthought, attention to detail. Melee weapons were proving unexpectedly effective against small arms at this range, with only a handful of shots fired.
Two more morlocks were climbing the tall soldier, inside her guard and trying to get a critical blow with one of their weapons. One wrestled an arm as large as his entire body – even though she was holding a heavy bolter with that hand, she was still almost able to shake that assailant off of her. But the other had reached her shoulders and stood to bring the business end of his stave straight down in a double handed drive to the top of her helmet. A flash of light shined out of the visor and the fight was over.
The four enforcer soldiers were down, in various stages of disassembly. Two morlocks were dead, one wounded. The morlock attending his injuries did not appear to be relying on mundane medicine. With some shock I realized I was witnessing a skilled combat cleric in action. Already the bleeding was stopped.
There was an awkward moment of ambiguity. Would the morlocks prove to be friendly, or would they turn on us now?
Before we could wonder any longer, the sound of one more enforcer running towards us came from around the corner.
I scrambled to retrieve a weapon from the fallen giantess.
“Hands off,” Bear commanded. “You can’t shoot a bolter without a reinforced skeleton.”
With the one lagging enforcer rounding the corner, gun up and searching for a target, I didn’t have time to argue about what I could or could not actually do.
Cradling the bolter low and at my side, I braced the butt against the wall, pointed it in the general direction of the incoming threat, and pulled the trigger all the way back.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR cakcakcakcakcak
I dropped the empty weapon and surveyed the results.
The bolter had chewed through walls and armor with an absolute lack of respect for the so-called ‘solid’ state of matter. I also noticed that the butt of the weapon had embedded itself several centimetres into the wall – as usual, Bear was right, I just happened to cheat a little.
Now the time had come to face our rescuers.
The living morlocks had gathered together; I gestured Gloam to my side and Twilight, Isha and Discord gathered behind me.
I spread my empty hands at waist level. No weapon. The armed morlocks set their weapons on the ground and did likewise.
At last we got a good look at them. Scurrying through the dim edges of the subcity, or in frenetic combat, they had been frightening enough, but no longer. To all appearances, they were human. Almost bone pale skin and hair, their clothes and kit matching, they had looked naked before. Face to face, they were no less civilized than we.
“Can you understand me?” I asked cautiously.
The cleric stepped forward.
“I speak the surface tongue, it is known to the Servants of the Shadows. May I approach?”
I nodded and he walked closer.
Stepping around me, he faced Isha, raising one hand to her. When she raised her own in reply, he placed his palm against hers.
“What is the name of your people?” Isha asked in quiet awe.
“We are the Pale Ones, and I am called Somar. A war doctor, and in better times a minor poet.”
“I am—”
“You are Isha, the walking shadow. We were told in a vision that you would require aid. We have done what we can. Now we must take our fallen and return.”
For a moment they stared, opposites.
Male, female.
One light, one dark.
Priestess from the surface, cleric from far below.
One about to return to his home, the other about to leave hers forever.
“We must hurry,” he said at last, dropping his hand back to his side. “And so must you.”
With no other farewell, he turned to his people. The Pale Ones gathered their weapons, the injured one taking an armload of the strange devices to make it easier for four of her fellows to carry the two dead.
Behind them, a single elevator opened, still under Bear’s control. The one they had hotwired must be parked somewhere below.
As one of their combat engineers began to work on the elevator panel, I heard Bears voice coming over the speaker inside.
“You may leave the controls alone, I will not interfere with you further.”
Hastening behind the engineer, Somar translated his words into speech alien to any language, mundane or esoteric, that I know.
After a short exchange, they both moved aside so the dead could be carried in. The doors began to close.
“Be careful,” Isha shouted after them, “be careful!”
The doors were closed.
“Couldn’t we hide with them?” Twilight asked.
“Negative. I do not want a bunch of armed enforcers running amok in the undercity. While effective at close range, those weapons will be of little use against an organized heavy assault. We need to move, now.”
Once again Bear directed our way through the underground. Twisting and turning, the path took us through barren corridors, across subterranean garages, in and out of warehouses and buried factories. Some were silent as tombs, others bustled with activity oblivious to our passage. And no encounters with enforcers.
Another turn brought us into a brightly lit room full of huge commercial sized autowashers.
“Ugh,” Gloam complained, “which way now?”
“Up,” Bear said. “Another elevator.”
“What then? I’m tirrrrrred.”
“Let me explain our next move. We are almost underneath our destination, but to get there we will need to take a service lift to the second floor, transfer to the public lift which we will ride down to ground level. Everybody please steal some clothes so you look presentable for step two. Once you are suitably attired, Tanna, Isha and Discord please put on housekeeping jackets over your clothes to disguise you through step one. Gloam, you will have the most important part.”
That perked her interest.
“What’s that?”
“You will ride in state, in a laundry cart. Nobody will ever suspect.”
“Cooool. Where’re the clothes?”
She was stark naked and rummaging through a washer’s output bin in a remarkably short time.
“I’m afraid you will find nothing but men’s clothes there, from the rugby team occupying the entire seventh floor. Try machine number three.”
“Eww,” she said, holding up a jock strap. “How come boy’s underwear doesn’t have any back? Is it so they can poop without taking it off?”
—
Ten minutes latter we were arrayed in our finest stolen togs.
Isha and I had found each other fancy lingerie that probably cost more credits then either of us saw in a year, and certainly a pair of society ladies would be gnashing their teeth at loss of some lovely little grey dresses; a bit of draft blowing past had me feeling quite cheeky. Twilight wore some very stylish knee breeches and a crisp pressed shirt – thoroughly efficient and sexy. Discord had gone all out, looking positively aristocratic in a five piece suit. These were some nice shades of grey, colours well out of my budget.
“Hey,” Gloam said, “if I’m in the cart, do I even need clothes?”
She was still naked.
“Get her in a headlock,” I suggested to Isha, “and I’ll put some clothes on her.”
“You grab her. She bites!”
“Gloam.”
Twilight simply spoken her name.
“Yes, father.”
I wasn’t sure how Twilight got that level compliance, but I’d worry about that later and started finding clothes that would fit her. Ruffled panties, an almost cupless training bra, a slip, pantaloons, an underdress, a full length dress, an overskirt, and an embroidered waistcoat! By the time I was done with her, she was wearing as much as the rest of us put together.
“You’re enjoying this, mom.”
Gloam glowered at me.
“Did you want to hide in a load of clean laundry, or dirty?” I asked sweetly.
“Mommmmmmm.”
—
In the elevator, Bear briefed us for our next move.
“If the coast is clear, throw your housekeeping disguises in the cart and proceed to the guest elevator. If there are witnesses, continue onward around the floor. If necessary, return to the service lift and we will try again on another floor.”
One lap was enough, as we returned to the guest elevator nobody was about. I pulled back the clean blanket covering Gloam and held her hand as she climbed of the laundry cart.
“You look very nice, baby girl.”
I hugged her as I helped her down to the ground.
“Thanks, mom,” she said, somewhat mollified to be wearing more clothes at one time than she ever had before.
With our houskeepers’ jackets of bondsman grey ditched to reveal our vibrant upper crust plumage, we rode to the ground floor.
Striding forth like we hadn’t a care in the world, we were halfway across the grand lobby when—
“Sir, sir, excuse me, sir!” the matre d´hotel was desperately trying to flag us down and seemed to have settled on Discord as the person in charge. “Are you checking out, sir?”
“Goodness, no,” Discord said drawing himself up to his most pompous height. “Me and my valet and my girl lll s —” he slapped my bottom with one hand and threw his other arm around Isha’s shoulders “—are just popping out for a bite to eat. Is Giovanni’s as good as they say?”
“Eep!” I choked back my surprise.
“Oh, I’m not familiar with that establishment. If I were to call ahead for you, I’m sure they’d seat you at Cliff’s Chophouse. Party of five for Mister…?”
“That’s Lord Sullivan to you, good woman.” He peered archly down at her. “And if they don’t know me by sight at this ‘Cliff’s’, they sha’n’t have the honor of seating moi .”
“But Cliff’s is– I mean, you can get there by the skybridge, m’lord, without going out in the street with all the enforcer activity.”
“Pish, pish, my old fish, we’ll be going now. Do have my suite cleaned while I’m out!”
“What’s your room—”
Discord ignored her, and like that we were out the front.
“Nicely done, Discord!” Twilight accompanied her praise with a companionable elbow to his ribs. “But, your valet?” Her elbow was still grinding. “Your girls?” She was really leaning into it now.
“Ouch, that hurts, Twilight, please stop. It was just part of the act. Isn’t that right, Tanna?”
I cast my gaze down humbly.
“Yes, my lord.”
“Good grief, it was just in fun!” Discord sounded flustered. Apparently the demure act did something for him.
I wrung my hands shyly together. Something about my posture had made the hem of my dress creep up ever so slightly higher.
“Quite– quite so, my lord.” My voice was little more than a breathless whisper.
“Don’t do that!” he insisted. “I’m only– well, whatever I am right now.”
Twilight removed her elbow from his side.
“And if you ever touch my wife’s butt again, I will tell Fluttershy.” She paused for effect. “How you died .”
“No time for this,” Bear reminded us. “Hurry.”
—
With a dash halfway down the block from the hotel we reached a narrow gap between buildings.
I led the party to the narrow path accessing the shrine of Aphrodite. I only had the barest conjecture to guide me, but it was the best chance at a possible escape we had. Beyond all other help, there was only a sliver of hope.
And faith.
“Tanna!” Isha protested, “the shrine is a dead end!”
Twilight put out a burst of speed, drew abreast of me. “Dead end?” she asked.
“Trust me!” The sound of pursuit was growing louder in the street behind us. “This has to work or we’ll be just as dead no matter where they finally corner us!”
Tires screeched on the pavement behind us. We had been seen.
Before us was the grass of the shrine lawn and the stone doorway: two pillars and the lintel spanning them.
Shedding my clothes, “strip!” I said, “not safe to go through with clothes on.”
“I’m shutting down,” Bear announced, “hold the green button to reactivate me once you are off of holy ground.”
“Got it,” I said as I folded and placed my clothes in a cubby for the last time.
Indicators went dark as Bear quiesced himself. I buttoned my satchel closed on him and slung it back over my naked shoulder.
Gloam was still struggling with her many layers – usually in any given situation she was the first one naked whether it made any sense to be, or not. This time I lent her a hand.
Checking that my party were all skyclad, I led them onto the grass when all were ready.
“What exactly are we doing here?” Isha asked.
“Who’s got enough power for a portal?” Twilight wanted to know.
“Lo!” Gloam spoke with an unexpected confidence. “Watch my mother, and learn.”
Seven times I raised my hands, stretching my arms fully above my head and lowering again.
In need I called upon the mother of all living.
“Mother Gaia, your daughter stands before you in supplication!”
More troop carriers stopped on the street outside. Pneumatic doors whooshed open and orders were shouted.
“Mother Gaia, the hour is come upon us and there is no other hope!”
Boots and yells sounded in the alley leading to the shrine. I took Gloam’s hand and began to run towards the cromlech.
“Mother Gaia, your chains are loosed and by your sister’s oath I beg you aid us!” I cried as we charged across the emerald lawn towards an empty doorway.
There was a flicker of shadow between three white stones.
Author's Note
End of Act Four:
Return
also, H/T R.W.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Act Five:
Equestrian Days
135-Back in the EQ
Shadow flickered before me and the goddess’s prophesy was fulfilled before my eyes. I had been promised aid in extremity and faith had been rewarded. I heard a cry of amazement behind me but there was no time to explain the genesis of our salvation.
We poured through the stone portal and into a clearing deep in the Everfree Forest.
Back on four hooves, I wheeled around to see if we were pursued. Through the portal I could see the pursuing ogliarchy enforcers chase into the sacred grove. Their interesti n my small band rapidly became of secondary importance to them as they learned the mistake of venturing onto holy ground with synthetics, metals, and electronics. One of the lead soldiers was carrying an articulated smartgun – he found himself frantically wriggling out of its armature as the metal grew red hot. Soon it would be hot enough for the ammunition to cook off and he’d have worse to worry about than his crumbling uniform and the smoking ruins of his hands. Another managed to stagger closer to the holy of holies – she was rewarded for her effort by the remnants of her gear bursting into flame. Even if one of them were to make the intellectual leap of stripping down and following us nude, they would receive a very un-fresh welcome from my hooves and Twilight’s and Discord’s magic. Today wasn’t going well for them at all.
For the moment the enforcers offered no threat to us.
But I knew that we would not be safe for long if the way stayed open – and never would I allow anything to lure danger to Equestria.
“Nothing that could threaten my friends better try to follow us through there!” Discord stood fiercely before the portal, already powered up and back in his naturally unnatural form. His clawed hand twitched for his chaos spear, but the power crackling around it looked dangerous enough.
At his side, Twilight stood with horn blazing, also ready to defend her home.
I nickered and nosed them both aside.
“Gaia, mother,” I called, “We thank thee, can you please close the way?”
Then she was standing there before us, luminous in her naked divinity. Though I had not seen her manifest before, this was unmistakably the same mother goddess I had met the night I first touched divine power. She towered above us – the cromlech scarcely reached as tall as her bare breasts.
At her side stood another being who could only be Aphrodite herself. Where Gaia radiated strength and protection, the sight of Aphrodite filled the viewer with holy arousal.
Twilight, Gloam, and Discord gawked, but I threw myself on the ground at the goddesses’ feet. Without even seeing, I sensed Isha do the same.
Aphrodite spoke and her voice dripped with raw sensuality.
“You who were once my priestess, I free you from my work but not my word. You have obeyed me through the temptation of the flesh and my bounty is upon you. Remember you my promise, for it comes soon.” She turned to me. “Adept, you have served me better than you will ever know. I thank you.”
Then the sacred presence of sexual love incarnate withdrew and mother Gaia spoke.
“Go to, children. Though we should never meet again know that I am well pleased with thee.”
She raised her arm straight up, fully extended, and made a fist. Grasping her wrist now with the other hand she brought her elbow down on the lintel in thunderous blow. The stone crack’d thro’.
“And know that my love goes with thee.”
The goddesses faded from sight as the doorway collapsed, closing the portal.
I stood again, and leaned forward to kiss the grass where Gaia and Aphrodite had stood.
“Well, t hat’s sorted. Thank you for your hospitality, Tangent, I had a terrible time,” Discord said. Still focused on my awe of the divine mother who had saved us, I didn’t acknowledge his words. “But now to catch up with Flutters!” he added happily, eagerly, and with a vanishment inducing snap of his fingers.
After completing my reverence, I raised my head and drank in the air of Equestria. After long years I was home again. Memories came flooding back, those few weeks when Twilight and I had—
Twilight coughed to get my attention. How long had she been trying to talk to me?
“Your world was certainly even more insane than I remembered. Its good to have you here in Equestria where I can keep you safe! I should point out that in the transition certain anatomical variations have returned to nor—”
“Mommy’s got a wee-wee! Mommy’s got a wee-wee!” Gloam chanted. She scampered gaily on four legs like she was born for it.
“—mal. Was that normal?”
Did I detect a hint of trepidation in Twilight’s question?
“’Fraid so, welcome to the next level of parenthood, dear.”
My voice was down a half-register; not that the return to my old tones resulted in anything very deep at all.
Isha, now a tall and muscular zebra, was still struggling to walk quadruped. Gloam’s antics, and the resulting laughter, didn’t make standing on four hooves for the first time easier.
“Don’t stare at Mommy’s wee-wee, darling,” I said, grateful that my divinely inspired erection had gone down as quickly as it came up. “And look at you, you have a wee-wee in the middle of your forehead!”
Gloam crossed her eyes to try to see her forehead. “A horn! It’s called a horn, a horn not a wee-wee!” She continued to look at her horn. “Wheeee-hoooo I’m a unicorn again, I can learn magic now from daddy, I can toast marshmallows without a stick!”
Gloam stretched and looked over her shoulders, one side, the other, and then the first again.
Now a quaver of sadness, almost a pout “I want to be an Alicorn like daddy…”
“Oh my tiny foal,” I sighed, “you need not weary yourself with the burdens of goddesses.”
“Mommy?”
“A great sorceress you will be, little one,” the scene dimmed. I knew my eyes must be blank and white to those hearing me, but though the unnameable she of this world spoke with my voice this time I spoke as well. “Know contentment thus.”
The moment passed and my vision cleared. I shook myself - it felt good to have a mane again, a tail to shake.
“What the hay—” Isha was already adapting to Equestrian dialect “—was that? Your eyes did a glowy thing. And your voice changed.”
“The holy one speaks, when needed, through the ponies who serve her. Even Princess Celestia heeds the messages thus given. Fluttershy, who we’ve mentioned to you, is the most frequent conduit in this age. That’s why they sometimes call her the Seeress.” There was another called Seer, I’d not mention. “Oh, and Gloam, honey?”
“Yes mommy?”
“Don’t try to toast marshmallows on your horn. Real bad idea.”
“Okay, mom, I won’t.”
“Where do you think we are?” asked Twilight “I can tell this is Equestria ‘cos my magic is working again, but I have no idea where. It looks like the Everfree, but I can’t swear to it.”
“I can,” I said, and cleared my throat. I knew that even after the goddesses left us we were not alone here in the forest.
“In the gloom of the Everfree, that much is clear,
In reply I heard rhyme from the bushes nearby
“Even better than forest funky mushrooms,
Zecora stepped out of the trees, a basket of decidedly funky mushrooms at her side. She bowed to the Princess and embraced me.
“Good to see you, Zecora. This is my daughter Gloam, my joy and my delight.
Zecora’s eyebrows shot up, but she said nothing and looked to Twilight for explanation.
“It’s a long story,” said Twilight, “nine years have passed in my wife’s world since he left Equestria.”
Zecora was bemused by the unusual interplay of title, pronoun and visibly obvious gender, but in her wisdom she did not demand answer.
“The worlds hold stories too strange to tell,
I looked a question at Twilight from the corner of my eye and she nodded imperceptibly before I answered.
“We’d love to, and thank you. If you will lead the way,
Zecora smiled. I can’t rhyme as well as she does, but she appreciates the fact that I occasionally make an effort at it.
“The woods grow dim, follow my path there,
Zecora went ahead with Gloam running along.
Twilight delayed long enough to whisper, “I’ll talk to you about flirting with Discord, later.”
“Eep!” I cried again, but she was already away, trotting after Gloam and Zecora.
Isha was still standing frozen, overwhelmed. When I was sure they were out of hearing, I spoke.
“Are you okay, hon? I bought you some time. But you need to pull yourself together.”
“I don’t know if I’m okay. I don’t know anything right now. I don’t understand what I am feeling. What just happened to me?”
“Everything is different. Welcome to Equestria, Mister Ishaz Myrtle. You’re a dude, and I think you just fell in love.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
When Bob and Taciana reached the surface they found the world changed.
Physical damage, it was soon obvious, was minor. One building had been demolished, a few civilians had been killed by some of the more ruthless seekers during the search. But almost nobody knew what the frantic search had been about.
There were rumors of more extravagant death, but mostly limited to the upper echelons of the government and the military. At street level, the city was not full of destruction, but rather rebirth. Instead of madness and violence, the city, the whole world, was celebrating freedom.
At first they joined the excitement; indeed, there was good cause to rejoice. The oligarch government was gone, their military enforcement arm had imploded and scattered.
It was obvious that nobody knew what would happen next but Bob and Taciana knew that they had work to do.
“Okay, we should start looking for that woman Bear told us to find.”
—
A Surface Attack Squad vehicle sped across the rough roads of the Outside. An air cushion smoothed the more egregious of the topological insults, but that just allowed the pilot to pour on more speed.
Without warning intractable forest on either side gave way to a primitive village; if it had a name the military navcomp didn’t bother to report it.
After a high performance braking maneuver, the small craft disgorged its crew before a building denoted by a rough red cross painted over the door.
Before the squad could assay entrance, a single man emerged from the structure, hands over his head. From every doorway and window villagers peered in sullen helplessness.
“I’ll come peacefully. Don’t hurt my family or patients.”
As his squadmates covered him, one soldier approached the doctor.
Removing his helmet, he saluted.
“Squad Seven-Charlie-Hotel reporting, Dr. Johnson, sir ! Our voluntary orders are to make contact with you and defend this location as needed.”
“Voluntary orders?”
“MilNet is offline, as far as we can tell the army is disbanded. But the orders sounded good, so here we are to comply.”
Johnson lowered his hands.
“What the fuck?”
“We honestly don’t know what the fuck.” Red braids swung as he shook his head. “Maybe it’s the end of the world. Sir, there’s an un-manned storage depot fifteen kilometers southwest of this location. Field rations, small arms and medical supplies. Would that be useful?”
The orders had come over the secure MilNet, before it shut down, but the cryptographic signature had come from one of their private patrons, his most mysterious instructions yet. And no clue whose command they were meant to wait for.
—
Feet up on the General’s desk, Beulah casually enjoyed one of his cigars. The oaken monstrosity weighed a tonne – literally. When her feet shifted, it rocked unevenly: one square leg was stuffed into the General’s mouth, pinning the back of his head to the floor. He had had the misfortune of surviving the chaos of conflicting orders and friendly fire that surgically eliminated that fraction of the military –mostly brass, and the more thuggish enlisted– which most enjoyed power. It had taken both Edna and Beulah to lift a thousand kilograms of luxury furniture high enough to drop it on him. (A boot on his throat kept him from wiggling away as they positioned it over him.) He still twitched a little, but he was mostly harmless now.
“If he’s chewed through the varnish, that’s gonna hurt the resale value.”
“Fix it or feature it. If we document whose teeth made the marks somebody’s gonna pay twice what It’s worth. Who gave you your fucking orders, asshole? Two groans for Konig, one for the senate.”
“Gnnnnn nnnnnnng.”
“Figures.” She tapped the cigar on the corner of the desk; ash fell onto the General’s face. “You got that footage?”
“Yeah, lookit this.”
Edna shunted a feed to the desk’s surface, freezing the motion almost immediately.
“You were right, the army was after her but they got their asses handed to them. This is less than a second after they kicked down Tanna’s door.”
The side of the arcology structure had developed a slight bulge.
“Now watch this.”
The EWO cloned the image, adding tactical and thermal overlays to the copy. In slow motion the bulge swelled and popped like a splattering boil as the individual trackers for the penetration team winked out.
“See that? Zero thermal bloom, that’s not an explosion, even though it looks like one.”
She zoomed out to a citywide view, replayed the relevant milliseconds.
“We shoulda stuck with Tanna. I’d sure like to know what went down in there.”
“Looks like they had it covered, without us.”
The non-explosion that looked like an explosion took place at ambient temperature, dropping cooler as it progressed. The larger chunks of debris warmed as they vanished from the MilObs camera’s field of view.
“Whatever is going on is endothermic, the building skin cools significantly as it buckles outward, but we have air friction heating the fragments. Some of them clocked hypersonic.”
She zooms back in as the video plays on. Beside the display the number sixteen appears in fatal red.
“Pen team was zeroed out in five seconds flat.”
“Awesome.”
“They were equipped with whatever those renegades landed, the day before. It wasn’t enough.”
“Any clue what?”
“Some kind of non-lethal weapon. That’s all I’m hearing.”
“They sure got a lethal reply.”
“Yeah, I’ll be talking to my suppliers, they may know something. Next, some bright light in command decided to send in some more cannon fodder, meaning a couple dozen of the best capture and acquisition troops, by way of the elevators after the Op is already compromised.”
The clusters of dots rising through the building suddenly plunged downward, shooting into the building’s substructure and going out.
A moment later the unit fatalities count climbed again.
“Ouch. Mistake.”
“One of many. They send in the grunts, but stairs are impassible by now. A few idiots hurt themselves trying.”
Another window opens, showing a montage of enforcers failing to climb well lubricated stairs. Beside the death count, an injury count appears and begins climbing. One of the grunts bumps the safety of his weapon as he falls and the other count increments by three. A hundred and two dead.
Beulah slapped her forehead. She’d seen too much action over the centuries to be surprised by human stupidity but the gesture was instinctive.
The target dots are rising.
“That’s wrong. They got out somehow, but it wasn’t by going up. This is the military’s best intel, and it’s fucking wrong. Gravimetrics suggest that there is a utility lift operating in the central building cavity. The blueprints say it was removed, but one of the old analog systems spots them in the nearest transit tunnel.”
Seven dots continued to rise as Edna fast-forwarded.
“Who’s there?”
“Just the five we know, Tanna, Gloam, Isha, Twilight and Discord, that’s all. They got two phantoms in the decoy data.”
“That could have been us.”
“Officially, I think it was. Clean slate time.”
In the video multiple VTOL troop carriers were touching down on the roof as more land based units gather around the building.
“I’m pretty sure they’re clear by now, ‘cos if they aren’t, they wouldn't have made it. It’s been eighteen minutes now.”
The false targets have almost reached the top of the building as the roof swarms with enforcers.
“And, boom.”
In the space of seconds, a raging fire fed on pure oxygen spread through the entire building, death count shooting into the hundreds then over a thousand as flaming wreckage falls to the ground.The thermal goes white as it overloads and in minutes the entire structure is reduced to a spike of glowing slag.
“How many civilian fatalities?”
“From the fire, none. There were only thirty three units occupied and everybody left the building under various pretexts. We can guess who coordinated that.”
Beulah nodded. The general’s office was not secure enough to name the individual who had probably saved the uninvolved residents.
“Anyway,” Edna continued, “we’ve got to find some new backing. I don’t think selling used furniture is going to fund us for long.”
“Let’s go see if anyone is ready to start new government yet.And put one of those gel-fraggers of yours through his head. I don’t want anyone pulling any data out of his brain if we leave it intact.”
clickBOOMSPLATclick
—
Cities had mostly recovered from the darkness, and although the masses were mostly uninjured, blood had run like water in the halls of the elite.
In the aftermath, Lady Akos stroked her patron’s sandy hair.
“It’s the end of your world, Konig,” she said, and chuckled at her use of familiarity above her station. He was in no position to demand suitable honorifics. His head was between her legs, eyes peacefully closed, a light pressure from her thighs keeping his position just right for the perfect access.
“To think that I’d be the one to share this moment with you.”
She had finally reached the top, just as the top fell.
With delicate fingertips she brushed his eyelids open and parted her labia to piss into the empty sockets.
“I wish I’d thought to do this before killing you,” she said, peering down to watch urine fill the newly eyeless cavities.
Overflowing, it ran down the dead tyrant’s face, adding a glossy sheen to the bulging cheeks.
Bladder empty, she released her legs’ grip; the roughly severed head fell at her feet, splashing blood and piss on her ankles. She really didn’t care; he had defiled her far worse during his life. With a kick, she propelled the gory object onto the heap with the rest of Konig’s cronies.
She knew that her daughter had gone. She didn’t know how, or where, but there was no doubt that Tanna’s cryptic claim of an imminent departure had come to pass.
The government was in disarrays now, but outside the Oligarchy proper (she had seized the opportunity to kill quite a few herself, in addition to her newest partner), the death toll from a global paroxysm of systems failure had been suspiciously low.
“Some notoriety, daughter?” the sometime courtesan chuckled again. “Let’s see what notoriety your mother can carve out of a world you have turned loose from its chains. If your father couldn’t fix it, maybe you could break it until I can.”
Her vision was finally clear.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Ishaz’s eyes grew wide.
“I’m what?” he asked.
“You are a well hung zebra stallion now, babe.”
He stood a at least an eighth taller than me – comfortably taller, just like when we were both human.
Ishaz put his head down and looked aftwards under his belly in the fading light. For a moment he stared.
“Sonofa…” he swore.
“So much for your nice tidy lady bits!”
“It’s fuckin’ huge. What is this feeling? Am I going to do something stupid?”
“No! You’re confused and shaken up, but you’re gonna be fine. You served Aphrodite and are wise in matters of love. This is just your first time seeing it like this.”
“I don’t know what to–”
“It’s okay, honey. We’re both dudes now – and you’re in luck because I am unusually well qualified to be your wingpony, and help you get used to it. Listen, I’m sorry for dragging you here without asking first. It was the only way to keep you alive, but I should have let you choose.”
“Are you kidding? No, I’m glad, I really wanted to come along. I just never knew how to ask for so much, for a whole new life. I tried to ask you and chickened out.”
“Really? What an absolute idiot I am! I am so glad you are here, and alive. Speaking of being alive, and more specifically staying that way, lets start walking. I don’t have a sword on me and the Everfree Forest can be a little dicey at night. Zecora is perfectly capable of leaving no track but she’s made it easy for us to follow her.”
I led the way, tracing the trail. A corner of a hoof-print here, a bent stem of grass there.
“Who is she? Tell me about Zecora, she’s so beautiful.”
“She’s a foreigner in Equestria. Uh, she’s a zebra obviously. She lives here in the Everfree forest, which is a place many ponies are scared of. She’s an alchemist and herbalist, a licensed shaman, she does some fortune telling but that’s just a side gig. She helps keeps the small monsters in the forest under control and does a brisk trade in potions. She made that gourdful of clop salve that I used on some of our patients in the shrine. Um, also some ponies don’t like zebras, by the way. But if anypony ever gives you any trouble Twilight and I have your back one hundred percent, nopony civilized has any tolerance for racism.”
“Have I ever tolerated any bullshit from anyone?”
“Never that I am aware of!”
—
“This is insane” Ishaz said, still crashing along behind me as I slipped through the gathering darkness. “It’s a totally different feeling than what I felt for you. I spent years falling in love with you, this was like wham .”
“And you know full well that relationships can start either way.”
“Yea, but what can I tell her? ‘We’ve never met before but I love you’ – who’s gonna believe that?”
“That’s a tough one,” I agreed. “But sometimes—”
“Ha. Nobody would ever fall for that, even if it was true!”
“I got a story to tell you some day, but for now, how about you stick to the simple truth? Who, and what, you are and have been. Where you come from. That you are very shaken up and very confused right now but find her intriguing in a way that you have never experienced before. Zecora is wise and gracious. I definitely recommend the truth.”
“Can you do most of the talking? I think I would mumble and stutter like an imbecile.”
“I’ll break the ice for you. You’ll be fine.”
“What if she thinks I’m just a horny jerk? A mare like her ‘sgotta turn a lot of heads. What if I mess this up? You heard her, the first words out of her mouth were ‘even better’! Can she be the one? She’s so pretty! Maybe I’m just reacting to her body.”
“I heard her, alright. It seems like the sign. You sound as worried as a maleborn already. If she’s not interested she’ll tell you the truth as gently as she can, and that's all you can ask for.”
“Did you go through what’s happening to me right now? What sex were you at birth? I don’t even know what fucking species you really are!”
“Bucking,” I said.
“Bucking?”
“Here in Equestria the word ‘bucking’ is used almost exactly like you use ‘fucking’ on Terra. Though the word has other uses too, non-sexual and non-swearing.”
“Thanks for the bucking tip.”
“You’ve got it!”
“Now what the buck are you?”
“I’m sorry for always being so closed about my background. I was born on Tera as a human male, though I prefer pony form. I hoped to be Twilight’s mare for the rest of my life, but I guess my stallion body has something she wants.”
I’d prefer my truer alicorn pony form even more but apparently that secret was worth more than my life.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me? It’s not like I would have have loved you any less if I had known you were really male with a female body. I put up with your insane sounding claims of ponyhood even before you proved them on Gallop.”
“Something about the spell I was under made it really hard to talk about the change, even with Twilight. While I was a a woman, I really was a woman, Ish’. I was never just a boy with a pussy.”
“What was the spell?”
“Some magical experimentation Twilight did on us last time I was here in Equestria. It was just supposed to be good for a few hours of sexy kink, but Celestia caught us, sent me back home, and I spent those nine years as a woman because we got interrupted while the spell was on. And since I was female, and had half a load of semen in me, I conceived Twilight’s daughter. You know at least some of what I went through as a human female. Twilight didn’t know that time was moving differently on Tera, or that I had stayed female, or that she had knocked me up.”
“If Twilight is really a female, why was she male on Terra? And why did I change? Gloamie didn’t change. Neither did Discord.”
“Twilight was a mare when she landed in my domicile. I asked her to turn male ‘cos I wanted some pony cock. We were literally in the act of conceiving Gloam when I last saw her. I needed that dick.”
Ishaz busted out a laugh at my frank admission. She clearly was remembering watching Twilight and me that first night we were reunited.
“And I have no idea why you changed,” I admitted. “A parting gift from Aphrodite? She said something about ‘her bounty’.”
“It could be; her largess is oft given unheralded. When she told me that I would not be her priestess much longer, I thought she meant my death.”
“You didn’t tell me that! Only her threat, not that you would definitely lose the priestesshood.”
“I had already chickened out about asking to go through with you. I didn’t want you to worry about me.”
“Of course I would worry about you! It was worth everything that happened on Terra to have you as my friend. Everything, Ishaz.”
“Hel, Tana, that’s hard to accept. Your friendship means the world to me, but nobody should go through what happened to you.”
I shrugged.
“I survived. And I’ve got my baby, my beloved and my buddy.”
“Yeah. Twilight told me he, uh, she I guess, had no idea about the time difference or that she was a father. Said she would have worked a million times harder if she had known the knocked you up.”
Ahead of us in the trees I could barely hear Gloam practicing loud Zebra chant with Zecora.
“I know. And just to be clear,” I said happily, “I am totally okay with the results of that knocking up!”
“Truly an excellent child. Uh, foal?”
“Thank you. My maternal heart swells with joy.”
“As well it should. Hey, are we falling behind?”
The voices ahead had faded out.
“Yes, but no chance of getting lost. I have my bearings now – one of the benefits of getting lost out here a few times while Twilight was away on missions. It would be nice to be armed, but in a pinch I have it on good authority that I am a pretty solid earthpony in a scrap.”
“Earthpony?”
“There are several tribes of ponies in Equestria today. Earthponies, like you see before you.” The light was dim but I thought I saw a hint of skepticism in Ishaz’s gaze. “Gloam is a unicorn. You and Zecora are zebras. There are also pegassi, and chiropt, who both have wings but no horn. And the crystal ponies, mostly up north. And very, very, rarely, alicorns like Twilight.”
“Okay. Why did Zecora bow to Twilight like that?”
“Twilight is a Princess. She is nominally equal to Celestia and Luna who rule this country. There are only five alicorns known to exist out of all the ponies in the land. The other two are the ruler of the land to the north, and her daughter.”
“A Princess? I noogied a Princess? I’m glad she’s not the revenge seeking kind!”
“Nah, she’s not. And she cares about you almost as much as I do.”
“Thank goodness.”
“So why did you noogie the most powerful Alicorn of the Equestrian royalty?”
“I caught him pissing in the kitchen sink when you and Gloam were hogging both the toilets.”
“At least she wasn’t peeing on me, that’s an improvement.”
“I am no longer the sex priestess of Aphrodite, and you can spare me your kinks.”
We walked in silence while Ishaz decided if he was going to ask me to elaborate. He chose to pursue another topic.
“So if she’s a princess, who is Discord?”
“He’s the Lord of Chaos, as I told you when I introduced him. A force of nature; he’s come close to taking over the world by himself on multiple occasions. His last bid for supremacy, before he fell for Fluttershy, it took the six great heroes of the age to defeat him.”
“And you sent him and Gloam to make dinner with no supervision.”
“Dinner was good!”
“That wasn’t spaghetti.”
I did have to concede her that point, though I could have argued that some of the ingredients were correct.
“Do you mind terribly?” she asked after another interval.
“Huh? Mind what?”
“I think I’ve fallen out of love with you.”
I laughed.
“I’m glad that you no longer want something from me that I can’t give you. You know that I would have if I could have. You know I wanted to. And I still love you, my friend.”
“I was hoping to steal you away, or at least score some sympathy sex before Twilight took you from me forever.” I could sense his blush in the shadows. “But that didn’t happen.”
“You’re right — she didn’t take me away at all. She took us all home and we’re all here in Equestria together now. You didn’t lose me and look what you’ve gained.”
We had almost reached Zecora’s place. I paused at the edge of the clearing and smiled at my friend.
“And you can call me Tangent, Ishaz.”
I nickered with the simple joy of being back in Equestria.
“Tangent is my name.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Zecora’s mystic hollow tree cottage glew invitingly through the trees ahead of us, warm light and the smell of food slipping through the chinks in her shutters. Inside, Zecora, vocalized to a wordless melody.
I glanced at Ishaz – his expression evinced a conflict of eagerness and trepidation.
“Keep calm, buddy. Barring the last half hour, you’ve been a girl all your life. Nothing to be afraid of. Girls don’t bite.”
“Actually, some do.”
“You know what I mean.” I smiled. “Zecora is nice, just keep calm.”
“Sorry, I’m trying not to panic. Only now I have some new hardware, sending some very strong messages for my brain to try to moderate.”
“Deep breaths, stay cool, step outside of the confusion. This’s gonna be fine.”
—
Gloam was peering out into the night and threw the door open as soon as we approached.
“Mom! Mom! Mom! Can I be a zebra too? It’s just a temporary potion.”
“Of course, dear,” I chuckled, “but your stripes will have to be violet and grey to match your parents.”
“That makes sense, I’ll go tell Zecora it’s okay!”
Twilight caught my eye as soon as I entered; I sidled over to her as Ishaz stood nervously by the door.
“Zecora has eyes for Isha,” she whispered to me. “I don’t suppose she’s gotten over you?”
“He. And yes, he was officially over me as soon as Zecora stepped out of the undergrowth.”
“He?” Twilight snuck a look past me. “Oh my, yes indeed, very ‘he’.”
“I’ve named him ‘Ishaz’. It sounds more masculine without the trailing vowel.”
“Good idea, for a stud like that.”
—
Twilight wandered back to the kitchen to see if she could help with anything and I checked in with Ishaz to see if he was remembering to breath.
“Doin’ okay?” I asked.
“Just trying to keep calm. And enjoying the smells. Dinner smells good .”
“Yeah it does.”
“I can’t believe our last meal on Terra was those damn FSBs. What a last memory of home.”
“Oh, the shame!” I kidded.
“You, too,” he said.
“Nuh uh, not me.”
“Then what did you have for breakfast today?”
“I sucked Twilight’s dick before we woke everybody up this morning.”
“Better than a food substitute bar?”
“More enjoyable.”
—
Supper was a thick Zebronican stew, redolent of exotic spices and containing no sign of the day’s bounty of ominously funky mushrooms. The aromas were familiar from my previous visit to her home, but I had never sampled Zecora’s cooking before.
“The food, dear hostess, is quite delish,
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, dear,” Twilight said, “if you ever see him cooking, Voox is kinda uptight. In fact, I recommend you don’t go near the kitchen when he’s in there.”
“Good advice,” I agreed without adding further detail about my experience cooking for Londarz Voox.
“My mode of cooking would give him no pleasure,
Zecora explained.
“I don´t think Voox would approve,” Twilight said.
“His loss,” my temporarily striped daughter said as she tore another piece of the thin flatbread that formed both serving dish and utensil, and used it to grab another bite of stew. “This is super good, Zecora!”
“Thank you for your words, kind,you may learn from me, if so inclined.”
—
“Oh, Bear!” I cried after dinner, remembering that he had shut down to avoid the havoc that holy ground could play on transcendentally complex technology. I dug him out of my satchel ready to hoof the green button as he had instructed me.
“Wait,” said Twilight, “why did he shut down?”
“The shrine is holy ground. Did you see what was happening to the enforcers?”
“They obviously weren’t happy, I couldn’t tell why.”
“It fried their electronics, and all their plastics and synthetics break down, and their weapons melted. Those things are not allowed.”
“Oh.”
“Ask Gloam about the synthetics, sometime. Got any secrets you need to tell me before I wake him up?”
“I love you,” she whispered, leaning in as for a kiss.
“I think he’s figured out that much,” I said as I picked myself up off the floor after she tackled me.
I hoofed Bear’s startup button and as his lights blinked to life I addressed our hostess,
“Zecora, though the evening draws to end,
I held Bear up for her to see him and vise versa.
“Bear, this is our friend Zecora. She’s an herbalist and shaman and just generally spooky-cool pony. Zecora, this is my friend and guardian, Bear.”
Zecora faced Bear and rhymed,
“The day with wonders was quite thick
Bear answered in kind,
“Rhyming sorceress a pleasure to meet,
“Mmm, homophones, ” said Gloam sagely, “nice one, Bear.”
“Thank you, Gloam, I did not realize it was a contest.”
“Huh?”
“You stated that I won nicely.”
“Ugh! Did you program my mom or did my mom program you?”
—
As we all bedded down in Zecora’s living room I asked Twilight, “Home to Ponyville tomorrow? Gloamie, you’re going to love daddy’s castle.”
“Only a quick stop, and then on to Canterlot. I must speak with my teacher.” Twilight’s voice held a grim note but she would not elaborate.
When Gloam’s breathing transitioned from ‘pretending to be asleep’ to the more natural sound of actual sleep, I nudged Twilight. When she opened her eyes I nodded towards the door. She guessed what I had in mind and didn’t hesitate.
The thin winter moon shone weakly far above the forest canopy. Very little made it through to show our way and we stepped carefully through the shadows. A few lengths from Zecora’s, the path to Ponyville took a sharp turn. Beyond the corner Twilight led me off the way, where the soft floor of the forest reduced our hoofsteps to silence.
“How’s it having your, you know, back?”
“I liked my female body (and what you could do to it, Princess) a lot, but maybe you’d like to remind me what it’s like to have one of these. It’s weird talking about the change, isn’t it?”
“It is! And I don’t understand why. There was nothing in any of the books about that side effect. And believe me, when I was working on that spell I read everything that’s been written about gender-play spells in the last two thousand years.”
Apparently she missed the chapter on ‘what happens if asilly idiot pours extra magic into the spell’. There was far more to the change than the changes to our bodies. But now, after spending nine years yearning to be penetrated by her, the reversal had been complete and instantaneous. I wanted that royal pussy bad .
“Do you still want to be called my wife, Tangent?”
“Yes, Princess.”
“Then get your dick over here and buck your husband’s royal pussy!”
My thought exactly ; she didn’t need to ask me twice.
“How do you want—” I stopped in surprise as her tongue traveled the length of my cock.
“Fast, that’s how.” She was grinning as she raised her head. “We don’t have time for foreplay. Gloam’ll notice we’re missing before long.”
Twilight had turned away from me, presenting her pleasant purple princess plot for peremptory penetration. I gave a lick and climbed aboard.
Fore hooves on her back, ready to enter, I paused for one second longer.
“Consent check?”
“Yes!” She was laughing and exasperated. “I consent! Do it, do it, do whatever, just do it now.”
I did.
One day earlier it had been her dick exploding in me, and as pleasure instantly demolished every vestige of coherent thought I realized how little it mattered which of us took which role, so long as it was us, only us, us together forever, I was dizzy with delight, whirled without end, amen.
Twilight quivered beneath me, suppressing an orgasmic whinny as my brain melted.
I could only hope that ‘practically instantaneous’ was not too fast, at least not this time; I asked her as much.
“I did say fast, didn’t I?” she asked, chuckling beneath me. “I have no complaint.”
“Twi’,” I whispered, still sprawled across her back, breathing hard in her ear, “what’s that?”
In the dim shadows something was moving towards us.
“Gastwight,” Twilight said. “Only slightly dangerous, I’ll try to scare it away.”
Before she could squeeze off a warning spell the gastwight fell dead – behind it stood our daughter.
“Sheesh, I can’t take you two anywhere,” she said, stepping around the fallen creature as I scrambled off her father. “Zecora gave me a knife, can I keep it?”
Gloam proudly led the way back to Zeccora’s home. Twilight followed her through the shadows and I followed last.
Admiring her from behind I reflected that she had said ‘whatever’.
Nootle!
—
In the morning Zecora was a bit salty about the death of a semi-tame monster, but after apologies, she told us about her gift to Gloam.
“Though this is a little blade,
In daylight the flat of the blade had a patterned effect, almost like a zebra’s stripes.
‘Twas carried once by my grandsire,
Zecora further elaborated as Gloam showed off her treasure.
Twilight said that Gloam was old enough to start carrying a blade and we let her keep the knife.
—
When it was time to leave Ishaz surprised everypony, telling us he would be staying with Zecora.
I drew him aside for a private conversation.
“What’s up, pone? I know we think that she’s the one based on Aphrodite’s sign. But you don’t want to rush things.”
“The timing is perfect, she’s traveling to Zebronica in just a couple days. She says anypony with stripes can apply for the Right of Return to become a citizen. Eh, permanent stripes.” He looked over at Gloam. Her coat would probably be back to normal before we reached Ponyville, her temporary stripes from last night were already fading. “Then as a Zebronican citizen I can stay in Equestria as Zecora’s employee under her resident alien warrant. But I’ll be sleeping in her storage hut for now, you’re right, I don’t want to rush this.”
“May the holy one bless you, Ishaz. I hope this works out.”
“It’s gonna, sis— eh, I mean, ‘bro’. I can feel it. I believe.”
“Good.” I grinned, raising a hoof to bump his. “Make sure to call on the Fluttercord, they live just outside the forest. You know Discord; his fiancé, Fluttershy, is a real sweetie. Mild and quiet, but if you threaten one of her friends she will rip your spine out through your nose and sodomize you with it.”
“Sounds like a darling. Discord told me a little about himself before she tamed him, so I have some idea what she is capable of.”
—
Tanna, Twilight and Gloam disappeared down the forest road; Ishaz followed them with his eyes until they were gone.
Zecora watched him carefully.
“Do you suffer the pang of regret?
“No, no regrets. I am so overwhelmed, I don’t even know who or what to swear by. But I affirm by my own self integrity that I will never regret this choice.”
“Then, my new zebra friend,
“Is it far to Zebronica, Zecora? I know nothing about this world.”
There was so much to learn.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Nopony is going to die here,” Twilight said as we stood outside the throne room in Canterlot Castle, “but this could be ugly.”
The doors swung open as the guards raised their spears.
“I sent that telegram from Ponyville, and asked for a private audience.” She nodded towards the throng of ponies packing the room. “Clearly we get the public spectacle instead. So much for a simple request; frankly I don’t know how she got so many ponies packed in here during lunch hour. What is it, five minutes after noon?”
I looked at my ankle. Like most ponies, I didn’t wear a watch. But I had noticed bells chiming the hour moments before.
“I’ll need to speak my mind to Celestia,” she continued. “Please don’t intervene or say anything unless she speaks directly to you.”
“We won’t.” I caught Gloam’s eye. “You too, miss Gloam. Walk nicely like for an Ogli review.”
Twilight held her head up and stepped forward. I stayed at her side rather than follow behind like a commoner. Commoner I might be, but as a princess’s wife I would stay beside her until we stood before the dais. Surely the nuance of our positions would not be lost. Indeed, whispers spread among the gathered ponies. Gloam trailed behind us, bewildered but on her best behavior.
“Oh holy one,” I prayed silently, “why does this have to be a confrontation?”
The room can’t have been more than a hundred metres long but it seemed interminable before we drew near the thrones.
“Celestia.”
Twilight spoke with a hard voice
“I see you have bypassed my spell as you said you would. Shall I tell you ‘well done’? I stand by my promise. And my counsel.”
“Celestia.”
Did anypony besides me sense that Twilight sounded ready to crack?
“Yes. That is me. Might not we have settled that much by now?”
“Celestia.”
It wasn’t just me – even the courtiers could see how thin her self control was. But I might be the only pony in the room with any idea what her destructive potential was if that control snapped.
“Speak, student, speak. You left me in good hopes, were gone but a day, and now you return to me like a thundercloud. Speak.”
At last Twilight stopped; Gloam and I remained halfstep behind her.
“You told me to wait longer. You told me a to wait for years to see if my feelings were love or rut.”
At the obscenity a murmur ran through the gathered ponies.
“You said that for true love even even two-fours-less-one years would be, I will quote you verbatim ‘as nothing’ and it has been fully two fours plus one of years in Tangent's world. A year of delay in Equestria would have been half a lifetime in his world. Seven of our years would have been the third part of a millennium on Terra. In a way you were right: he loves me after more than seven years. But If I had waited that long, I would have found him buried with the centuried dead.”
Note to self: tell Twilight about my heredity of illegal longevity genes, and doubly forbidden goldboost, at a less tense moment.
Twilight took a deep breath before her bombshell.
“You set me up, Highness.”
Another gasp spread through the courtiers.
“You declared us wed, and then you lie to me?”
Twilight stepped to the very foot of the dais to continue her accusation, leaving us where we stood.
“How long am I going to live as an alicorn? A thousand years like you have? Longer? In a thousand years, in two thousand, will you still be manipulating me? And I missed out on nine years of my mortal lover’s life?” She was shouting now. “What the—”
Celestia lit her horn and some form of spherical magical barrier encircled the princesses, now only Celestia and Luna could hear Twilight’s complaint. Through the shimmering field I could see that Twilight was yelling at the top of her lungs now but nopony outside could hear.
Luna looked at me, shock on her face, and hastily averted her eyes when I returned her gaze through the barrier.
For many long minutes Twilight’s tirade continued beyond the barrier of sound.
“Mom?” Gloam whispered to me, worry in her voice, “what’s happening?”
“There has been a terrible misunderstanding.” I shook my head sadly. “We are forbidden to enter the fray and can only hope that they can resolve it calmly in the end.”
Finally Twilight had said her piece and the sound deadening spell was dropped.
Celestia the imperturbable was greatly perturbed. She stood from her throne, set her crown on the seat, and bowed to it. She stepped down from the dais she shared with Luna to meet Twilight face to face.
“Bucking shit, Twilight,” she said very clearly and distinctly.
The collective silence of two hundred ponies filled the throne room more profoundly than the indignation spawned by Twilight’s gaffs.
“Twilight, I swear by myself that I did not know of the timeslip between these worlds. I swear I did not know. Nor did I anticipate that there could be issue.” She turned to me, her shocked expression turning more stern. “Mister Sparkle, is it truly nine years gone in your world?”
“Aye, your Highness, a bit longer. A few moons proud of the exact mark.”
“Raise your fore hoof,” she commanded.
I obeyed, and she inspected my foreleg without a word. The scars were visible in spite of my dark coat. Only Gloam was close enough to see what Celestia was looking at – nopony would know. But surely those nearby could see my blush and shame. I put my hoof back on the floor when she finished her examination.
Celestia avoided looking me in the eye.
“And you love her still?”
“Yes, your Highness.”
“After seemingly being abandoned so long?”
“With all my heart, Highness. Twilight is my life.”
“Despite these years apart?”
“Aye, your majesty.”
“And the filly?”
“My daughter by Twilight. You witnessed her conception and I bore her.”
“I noted that turning you human took twice the power it ought to have, and now we may surmise why. It seems you contain many mysteries, mortal.”
A m I mortal, I wondered.
Celestia finally made eye contact and we were standing in the clouds.
“You will not fall, ‘tis but an illusion. I used the same sound blocking spell as when Twilight made her complaint. The cloudscape is just to make it less claustrophobic.”
“I trust thee, Highness.”
Once again we were locked eye to eye.
“You will not divulge this conversation to anypony.”
No, your Highness.
It was a moment before I realized that I had not spoken aloud. But she accepted my answer.
“Understand that I cannot allow you to access Twilight’s power ever again. It is her burden to prevent the possibility, but it is also my word that you do not try. Do you accept my command?”
“Yes, your Highness. I obey upon my life.”
With her pale magenta eyes boring into my soul, I could only speak truth. If her questions strayed into forbidden realms of truth I would be cursed. Unable to lie to the pony I must serve, I would be forced to disobey the goddess. And then pray that death and damnation would fall before I had to look her in the eye.
“What did Twilight tell you of my reasons for banishing you?” she demanded. “Surely you know that I would not lose my head over your lovely prank with Discord. What do you think I sent him the tickets for, and made sure Fluttershy wouldn’t be there? Frankly I wish you would have notified me that you two were joining forces so I could come to enjoy the show.”
“She told me that you fear I will fulfill an ill prophesy about Equestria’s fate.”
“What say you to this?”
“Your highness, I ask, if I am not at Twilight’s side when come evil days, how will I prove that I am loyal to Equestria? To thee?”
“Twilight’s argument was much the same. Know that such ‘proof’ mayhap be dearly bought.”
“I will swear my fealty to thee.”
“I will not accept your oath at this time.”
“Neigh the less, even unsworn I will serve thee. With my life, with my death, with—”
“Do not say it!” There was a frantic note to her voice – Twilight must have told her everything despite my pleading. So much for a simple request.
Celestia blinked and we were back in the throne room.
She spoke louder now. “You have truly served my—” her voice cracked “—ahem… student better than I have. Twilight, watch my hat.” She nodded towards the throne where her crown sat. And vanished in a silent glissando of light.
The throne room was dead silent – stiller than death.
Bless young foals - Gloam’s voice piped loudly in the soundless hall. “Hail, Arch-Princess Twilight, regent of Equestria!”
With impeccable timing she bowed deeply to her father and everything fell apart.
Ponies were going to die here.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
After Tangent and Twilight and Gloam had left, Ishaz tried his best to be helpful to Zecora. If he was going to accompany her to Zebronica, he had a lot to learn about being a pony!
Zecora was incredibly patient. Ishaz had seen enough of long suffering women being patient with dense men that he recognized the phenomena now that he was on the receiving end.
Despite the attention he paid to her every word, his utter unfamiliarity with matters equine was eventually enough to strain her careful tolerance.
“Please tell the truth and don’t be phony,
she demanded after another mistake nopony older than two should make.
“About one day. I’m sorry for driving you crazy, I really appreciate you taking the time to teach me so much.”
“Then for patience I must beg the goddess,I be an unfriendly clod-ess.”
“I’m trying to learn, really. Just yesterday I was bipedal. And all my life before that.”
“Fear not, I’m sure I would go to pieces
“Thank you, Zecora. I’ll do my best, I swear!”
He wasn’t really such an idiot as a mare might think at first glance.
—
Around sun-high (how could she tell under all these trees? Did she commune with the forest itself?) they took a break. Less a pause from labor than an opportunity for Zecora to get a rest from the constant, earnest, questions. Knowing that he knew nothing about forests, much less magical bemonstered forests, Ishaz took the opportunity to explore. Of course, needing a rescue wasn’t going to improve his prospects so he was careful not to wander far.
That tree –with the twisted branch– had been just visible from behind Zecora’s dwelling. Keeping it in view meant that he’d be able to find his way back, but he was far enough away to have some privacy to give himself a pep talk.
Hoping that his efforts not to ask too many questions had been successful, he could at least comfort himself that he had not blurted out any too sudden confession or proposal.
“Dammit!” Ishaz muttered to himself. “She’s so beautiful. Holy Aphrodite, praise your name, I wish you were here to guide me.”
The irony was not lost on Ishaz: as priestess she had counseled many in this same predicament. A convenient tree substituted for a wall.
Thud
Thud
Thud
Bowing his head and closing his eyes, he spoke.
“Pony goddess, I know nothing about you or how to properly approach you in prayer. I will trust in your benevolence to pony kind and as a pony, I place myself in your keeping. I pray your hoof upon me. Let my ways be pleasing to you as I court your beautiful daughter. Amen.”
Ishaz sighed. He chose to believe, but he was still overwhelmed.
“I just gotta be patient, and honest, and play it smooth.”
Thud
Thud
Thud
Unseen in the undergrowth, Zecora couldn’t hear what he was saying but watched as Ishaz banged his head on the tree again.
Really smooth.
—
Over a latish lunch Zecora regaled Ishaz with a rhyming recount of her travails enduring the assistance of an enthusiastic filly named Applebloom, whereabouts currentlyunknown.
“...her zealous ways did no limit know,
There was a crashing through the trees as Zecora finished her tale. Ishaz jumped to his hooves but Zecora simply reached for a drum hanging nearby.
“If you look through the forest you may spy
bu-boom-boom BOOM went the drum
“—Fluttershy!”
A pale yellow mare emerged from the forest, blinking in the relative light of the clearing behind Zecora’s tree.
“The path seems to have lost me again, I’m sorry if I trampled anything. I did find you some nightshade!”
Zecora probably had a lifetime supply of the toxic weed already, but she was always glad to see more of the plants rooted up lest somecreature poison themselves with it.
“Can you make me another worming potion, please? One of the critters needs it.”
A hooffull of the lurid red berries could make a dozen batches of potion – it didn’t take much.
Fluttershy lingered curiously near Ishaz when Zecora left to compound the medicine. The striped population of the Everfree forest had doubled and she took the opportunity to talk to the newcomer.
“What part of Zebronica do you come from?”
“I don’t, I came from a world called Terra. My friend Tanna, I guess I mean Tangent, brought me here.”
“Tangent is back? Is he okay? I have tell the girls right away!”
“Of course he’s okay why not?” He wasn’t sure if it would be okay to be frank about the hazards of life on Terra.
“I’m glad to hear that.” But the crystal cracked… was Tangent really okay? “Is the pony that brought him back to Equestria still here?”
“It wasn’t a pony, Twilight couldn't do it. Tanna called in a favor from one of our gods. Gaia opened the way for all of us – it was something the goddess of this world promised him.”
“Ohhhh,” sighed Fluttershy, making a sign in the air with her hoof, “so the holy one has spoken.”
Ishaz recognized the gesture as one Tanna had sometimes used; it was just natural to mirror the reverence.
If the goddess brought Tangent back to Equestria then, Fluttershy knew he must be important. But how had he even met the holy one? That was an important mystery.
“So she facilitated Tangent’s return with you and Twilight. Tell me who were the other three in your party?” Fluttershy gazed idly into the forest as she asked.
“Uh, two, other two. Gloam and Discord came along too.”
“Dissy? Now that you mention is, I guess it was quiet for a few hours yesterday. I hope my fiance wasn’t any problem for you all.”
“No miss, we enjoyed having him as a guest. I guess technically I was a guest too, I just moved in sooner. Discord and I traded chores on alternate days.”
“Alternate days? But he was only out from underhoof a few hours after I saw him at lunch.”
But he certainly had been unexpectedly intense when he did show up for supper. She ought to have paid attention to whatever it was he was nattering about, but there were always animals to care for.
“There’s some kind of time differential between worlds. He was hanging out with us for almost a week.”
“Goodness, what a situation! How long was has it been for Tangent since he left Equestria?”
“Miss? I’m not sure how much of Tanna’s, I mean Tangent's, situation I should discuss—”
“It must have been years and years!” Fluttershy had reached her own conclusion.
“Only about nine,” Ishaz said and then clapped his mouth closed.
Fluttershy smiled; she was skilled at gently extracting the information she desired.
“And this ‘Gloam’ gentlepony, who is he?”
“Big weather, Miss.”
Ishaz wasn’t going to fall for her wiles again.
“Oh yes, quite large, I’m certain. And I’m sure that whenever we meet he’ll be able to tell me all about himself.”
“Herself.”
Or maybe he was.
“You’re new here, so I shouldn’t interrogate you too much. But I’m glad to see that Zecora has somepony to help her again. So many ponies count on her for potions and spells! Were you an alchemist or a shaman in your old world?”
“No, professionally I was a scientist, I worked in brane physics of exotic propulsion systems…” Ishaz launched into an explanation of the possible useful distortions of a nine dimensional space containing seven spacial and two temporal orthagonal displacement regimes.
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy after a monologue suitable to sum up a year of four hundred series physics classes, “those were some very long words.”
“You didn’t follow that at all, did you?”
“I’m sorry, not at all.”
“That was the easy part. You see—”
“You should meet Derpy,” Fluttershy quietly interrupted. “She uses long words too. And she’s such a goofy, sweet, dear that almost nopony knows how smart she is. I’m sure she could fix all the problems in your little theory, and she’d probably enjoy the distraction. But, oh my, not me! If any of your animal friends need help, I’m your mare. Small animals, that is. I am out of the Draconequis taming field, one is quite enough to keep me busy for the rest of my life. But you were telling me about your non-scientific non-professional life…”
By the time her potion was ready, Fluttershy had gently extracted a exacting history of Ishaz’s entire life, in far more intimate detail than he even realized that he had given. Very interesting details, indeed. Just how deep had this naive stallion’s romance with Tangent really gone? And did the princess know about it?
—
“Zecora?”
The two zebras had watched Fluttershy vanish down the forest track back towards her home and Ponyville.
“Hmmm?”
Nonverbal expressions were the one exception she allowed herself from the compulsion to rhyme.
“That mare…” He shook his head.
“You need but yelp,
“Next time I’ll ask for help. I didn’t understand your warning at all. She is one scary pony.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Ponies were going to die here today.
Chaos had erupted before Gloam’s words faded from the air. Not fun chaos like Discord brings, this would be ugly.
“Hail Twilight!” called some voices. My own was included among them, but I am partial to Twilight and was caught up in the moment.
“The tyrant escapes!” called a voice I did not know. I traced it to a scruffy pony in faded finery well in the back of the throne room. Lord Jeris, to judge by his colours. A traitor it seemed, at least he had shown his true colour now. “Cut down her fellow oppressors!”
“Celestia, don’t leave us!” some of the excitable ponies called.
“Order! Order!” Luna demanded, but nopony could hear her over the uproar.
Just as she was ready to repeat the command using the infamous Royal Canterlot Voice, two ponies, traitors in the castle staff, lunged at the Princesses Luna and Twilight. I drew steel and cut down a sub-butler who attacked Twilight. He lay before me, neck half bisected, but he had been successful: a magic suppression ring was jammed onto Twilight’s horn. At least the he did not have an actual weapon – she was not injured. Other, armed, attackers rushed at us, swords drawn, before I could help Twilight with the suppressor; she’d have to free her horn on her own. I turned to face the attackers, hoping for some covering fire from Luna. When none came I could only assume she had been ringed, or worse.
As I traded blows with an attacker I heard the sound of a crossbow ratcheting. “’Ware archers!” A voice called as a volley was loosed. I heard Luna curse extensively and very creatively after they struck somewhere behind me. At least she must be alive to be voicing such anatomically improbable opinions about the launchers of the bolts.
Twilight tried to break free of the suppression ring - her horn crackled with rose sparks but the ring held. She staggered and fell from the effort, but kept trying as she lay on the floor. If I could protect her long enough there was no question that she would free herself it was just a matter of making a stand until then – the fight would end very quickly when she was free. Flashes of coloured light from her efforts threw strange shadows around the hooves of the combatants.
As I fought, Luna descended the steps precipitously and took a position to my left. She slashed a rebel with her horn. The stray magic from her efforts to dislodge the suppression ring toasted him from the inside, acrid smoke joined the smell of blood. I was facing a pale pink whose grim intent clashed terribly with his gentle colour. I feinted to the left; when he tried to sneak an attack simple around the right, I was ready and parried it. With a twist I was inside his guard and lunged closer, swinging my hilts about, to drive a close stab home. My opponent fell and a royal guard moved to my side even as the rebel line was re-enforced to come against the three of us.
Luna, the guard, and I held our position just beyond the foot of the dais. Behind us were Twilight and Gloam as well as some few mares in waiting and foals.
One more enemy fell, speared by Luna’s horn as I blocked his blade, preventing it from reaching her neck. Two more took his place, their blades already raised and swinging down at me and Luna. I narrowly dodged one sword blow as I stabbed the other fighter while she engaged his blade to protect me.
The attacker whom I had dodged recovered and wheeled to rear and lunge again. I parried, quinte, and Luna crossed her horn with my blade, putting our opponent in locks. Almost eye to eye with him as he fought downward to overpower the two of us, she produce a thin, translucent, stiletto from somewhere upon her person. In a flash, the wicked blade was under his chin and driven upward into his brain. He joined his fellow on the floor.
Without speaking a word, we seemed to make good team and I knew that I would follow her highness into battle against any odds.
If we three could hold our line another minute the castle guards would surely be reinforced or Twilight would be free and settle the conflict in a heartbeat. But another minute was beginning to seem doubtful. In a chain reaction everything fell apart – had I been playing a chess game I would have called the sacrifice of my opponents pawns masterful. The guard at my right took down his opponent, but in doing so left himself wide open on his left. We were now too widely spaced for me to cover him effectively and a wiry roan was able to stab the guard between the metal bands of his armor. Before the roan could drive the blade further I had notched his spine just above his shoulders – he went down like a bag of sand. In the mean time I had been forced to leave myself unguarded on my left, now out of Lunaś protection just as the guard had stepped beyond mine seconds before. I whirled around almost full circle rightward while stepping left. I focused all my strength on my sword to counter an attack I could only assume would come from that direction. As I expected I was threatened from that side; but again Leon’s teaching served me well. I was halfstep from where my next foe, a shaggy orange and green paint, expected me to be and he was swinging the wrong direction. Instead of easily parrying me he found himself to have swung at empty air and I lunged, sinking my blade deep into his chest. His eyes went wide for an instant and he dropped his sword, clattering across the floor.
Oh, holy one, there is no joy in killing fellow ponies.
The dead pony collapsed, pulling my sword with him and I was now unarmed.
I could hear the hooves of soldiers running in the halls, but I did not have the luxury of waiting for them. My sword was stuck in the dead rebel’s corpse and Jeris was charging us, his blade raised and three scarcely-equine brutes backing him up. Whether he knew the day was lost and hoped to strike down the princesses with his dying blow or if he sought hostages, he must be stopped. Desperately I fought to free my weapon, but it wasn’t budging and I could see no sign of the sword my latest foe had dropped. The guard beside me was injured, Twilight still fought the anti-magic ring on her horn, and to my left Luna now parried a mad rain sword blows with her own magic-blocked horn. Gloam’s untested power was our last chance.
“Gloam, honey, I need you to do this. Push them away with the magic of your horn.”
I could only pray that instinct and need would be enough to trigger her raw abilities. Stepping aside, I left nothing between my precious daughter and the coming assault.
She lowered her horn to attack position – there was a faint crackle of grey magic along its length.
“Just push them,” I said, “that’s all.”
Magic sparked and pulsed; Gloam reached for her full power, a limit that nopony could even guess. Would it be enough?
“Just buy me some time,” I said, still tugging to free my sword as death approached.
The grey glow grew around her horn, finally flickering and failing.
It went out.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Shining Armor loaded coffee grounds into his sister's machine while she cut and plated the cake.
The two portions were distinctly inequal, perhaps a sixty–forty split.
“If you cut, I choose,” Shining reminded her.
“I know that. I’m sure you’ll do the right thing.” Jane hoofed the button on the coffee maker. “It will brew faster if you turn it on.”
“I can’t believe you do this to your own little brother.”
Shinning sadly slid such a smaller slice selfwards.
“A perfect gentlecolt,” his sister said, and curtsied.
“My pleasure, Lady Jane.”
He bowed to her, manners overriding his disappointment.
“You probably just had a slice with our parents.”
“Two,” Shining admitted.
“Thank you for sharing. I have more treats in the icebox, if this isn’t enough for you. Twilight’s friend, Miss Pie, sends me goodies every year on the day I saved her parents’ farm. It’s very sweet of her, but her stuff is too sweet. Not as good as Mom’s.”
Outside, the all-clear was sounding. But the horn blasts were not the typical three note daaa-daaa-DAAA denoting the end to a security exercise, this was almost a full fanfare, a trump of victory.
“Was there a drill today? We went through a couple checkpoints getting here, but I didn’t stop the chariot to ask what was up.”
In fact, he hadn’t even slowed down to give the grunts at the checkpoints improved odds of getting out of the way on time. In retrospect maybe he should have asked some questions.
“I don’t remember anything scheduled,” Jane reflected. “Normally for a drill I’d grab my hi-vis and join the block watch captain.”
“Hmm, somepony probably forgot to send out notifications for the city militia. So, how’d you save the farm?”
“Pig-headed small town banker foreclosed on Pinkie's dad because Mr. Pie had invested in a mechanical traction engine to help bring in the rock harvest, and our banker did not approve of gambling money on the new technology. So he said. Twilight asked me to see what I could do for them, so the Governor of the Royal Reserve and I paid him a little visit. We audited the books and left him sitting on his hams as we went over every line. I found that he had already accepted payment for the rock farm from a developer. The accusation of ‘frivolous business practices’ was just a pretext to steal the land. We allowed the bank to pay off Mr. Pie’s mortgage, completely, in return for not having charges referred, and left Mr. Trotter to explain to the developer that their plans would not be going through.”
“Cooked his bacon,” Shining said, chuckling as he peered at the coffee machine. “Is this thing done?”
Jane poured coffee and the siblings levitated their plates and cups to her office.
“Speaking of Twily, perhaps you’ve heard she’s seeing somepony?”
“I haven’t, but aren’t you supposed to wait until until I take a drink before you say something like that?” Jane asked.
“My bad.”
“Is she really? Did you check to see if she’s dating a book?”
“Not a book. Mom met him a couple of times, but she isn’t talking until Twilight officially reveals him to the family. I want to give him a look over as soon as I get a chance, but I did promise Twilight that I would trust her judgment.”
“Not one of your wife’s leftovers, I hope.”
“No, thank heaven. Cady’s more than a little peeved about that. And due to some ineffable alicorn shenanigans, he’s been sent back to his home world by Princess Celestia. Last time I saw Twily, she was working on breaking the barrier her Highness erected to keep them apart.”
“No shit. I don’t know anypony besides our little sister who could do that.”
“I don’t know anypony beside Twily who could get away with it. But I might be guilty of aiding and abetting.”
“Good, I’m glad you helped her. And she better call on me if there’s anything I can do for her.”
“I think she’s got it under control. She told me to keep my nose out of her feedbag. And she called him her lover.”
Jane’s eyebrows shot up.
“Well, assuming she knows what the word means, it’s about time she grew up. Good for her.”
Shining Armor raised his cup.
“Here’s to Twilight,” he said. “I hope she knows what she’s getting into.”
“Twilight,” Jane agreed and they both drank.
“So what had you doing fieldwork and getting bucking injured?”
“Don Largo’s Capo was dabbling in counterfeiting. I was doing the tactical forensic quant stuff to find where the real money was going.”
“If the Don finds false coin in his coffers, el Capo is gonna get capped!”
“Hold your self, I’ll get to that part.”
“I’m just saying. The mob hates getting paid in counterfeit event more than the government!”
As they ate, Jane continued her tale, explaining how they had tracked the fake coin to its origin.
“…they put a lot of effort into making their counterfeits look well worn, and they were mostly smart about where they spent them. Until two in the morning one day some dumb mook spent a brand new, un-aged, two bit coin buying a burrito at an all night deli counter in the same industrial district as their little mint. That really broke the case wide open, right there.”
Shining levitated his plate to a vertical orientation immediately before his muzzle. With his tongue out, he caused the plate to spin in midair.
“Ha. Try doing this at our Sire’s table,” Jane said as she mirrored his action.
“Dad probably does it himself when nopony is there,” Shining said after he licked the last of the frosting from his plate. “Clean enough to put away now!” he boasted.
“Put it in the sink, please.”
“Yes, my lady.” Shining grabbed both plates and cups in his magic. “Back in a second. More coffee?”
He was out of the office before Jane could reply, but in the unlikely even she didn’t want another cup, he’d drink for both.
“Yes, please. Regular!” she called after.
A moment later he returned; Jane accepted her refilled cup.
“Within days,” she continued her story, “local law enforcement had tracked the mook and found the warehouse where the forgeries were made and distributed from. E.B.I. brought me on-site and we did a sneak and peek so I could start finding where the assets were before showing our hoof. I made good progress with the books the first night, but I was still unraveling all of the shell companies they were shuffling funds through when it was time to go. We must have left something out of place. On the second night, five of the mob’s soldiers ambushed us. That’s when Rodha barged me out of harm’s way and got skewered for her trouble. When I saw the arrowhead stick out of her buttcheek, I thought for sure she was gonna die. Instead of falling over she charged them with it still sticking out of her. She killed the guy who shot her before he could load his crossbow again.”
Shining didn´t bother lecturing his sister on the difference between arrows and bolts. Not her field.
“That’s pretty buckin’ heroic,” he said instead. “I’d like to see that gelded brother of hers do something like that.”
“Les Slatekin isn’t actually a gelding.”
“Is that first hoof information, sister?”
“Second hoof. I heard it from a colt who would know . Anyway, with the archer down, it didn’t take long for the other E.B.I. ponies to finish off two more of the mob soldiers. I picked up my wound running to check on Rodha and getting into the middle of the fight. The last two mobsters surrendered and we hitched them up to pull their dead fellows, and all the ledgers, back to the local police station we were working out of. By dawn I’d sent telegrams freezing ninety percent of the assets and I had the rest nailed down by EOD.”
“What about Rodha?” Shining asked.
“She walked to the hospital. She said that with the arrowhead sticking all the way through instead of buried inside her, walking wasn’t going to make it worse. If she was mortally wounded she said she could ride in the corpse-wagon later.”
“It sounds like she is every bit as hard core as her father.”
“And then, today…”
“Hm?”
“Apparently a written apology from the Don himself, and a promise to reimburse the Crown for any of the fake money circulated by his ‘wayward underling’, were delivered to the Treasury building, just this morning.”
“Oh?”
“The text was branded into a pony’s hide. Probably before it was removed from the pony.”
“El Capo ?”
“Almost certainly. The message doesn’t come out and say it, but it implies as much. It seems that right about the time Treasury twigged onto the forgeries and brought me in as the mission analyst to find the source, Largo received his monthly cut from the Capo’s operation entirely in counterfeit.”
“Bad move.”
“I don’t think anypony is going to find that body.”
“Probably not,” he agreed. “Do you have the text of the letter?”
Jane passed a telegraph flimsy across the desk and Shining read the part where it quoted the Don’s letter aloud.
“Royal Treasury of Equestria:
It has come to my attention that my wayward underling has polluted the circulation with false coin of the realm.
With sincere apologies I am Their Majesties’ humble servant,
Don Largo”
Shining gave a low whistle.
“Dangerous pony to cross,” he said. “Anything else?”
“That’s about it.”
“Dang, wild times, sis. Of course, I was afraid the story was going to be seven times longer. Imma go grab a jumpseat on a military flight to the Crystal Kingdom. Probably get home before the princesses do.”
And if he did? Cadance’s newest mare in waiting wouldn’t have any official duties until her mistress arrived.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
143-Throne Room Threat, part 2
The grisile luminance encompassing Gloam’s horn swelled, then flickered and died.
And with it, hope.
A fraction of a heartbeat later her magic reignited as pure, brilliant, blinding, awesome, flowing, coruscating, living, wild, argent power and she ended the fight with a single blast of irresistible force.
I didn’t see exactly what happened, staggered by the emanation, blinded by the pure fulgent radiance, but for starters, Jeris et al were gone and that was a good start.
Many ponies had fallen to the floor. The massive thunderclap following her attack had deafened all of us - I could see Gloam breathing hard as the magic glow faded around her, but could hear nothing. Everypony in the room was dazed.
Sunlight streamed over my shoulder. I looked behind and saw glassless windows, each pane was blown away, a few remaining lead calms bent awayoutward from the frames. Dust drifted in the sunlight pouring in through the gaping holes and an eerie silence pervaded. Turning back, that’s when I realized that the wall behind the four rebels was largely gone in addition to they themselves being utterly gone. The very floor they had stood upon had been scourged by power, with stones crackened, blackened, and occasionally missing. A grim triangle of destruction, its apex where Lord Jeris had last stood, pointed at Gloam like an indictment.
—
An explosion of that magnitude is hard not to notice, echoing across the entire city.
Canterlot forces assumed an aggressively defensive posture with the urgency and speed of regular practice. Flyers, on stand-by in weather coordinating uniforms launched for control of Canterlot air space. Shield spells bloomed forth like great ethereal flowers. City and castle battlements were suddenly bristling with spears and the clack of a thousand bolts nocked in a thousand crossbows sounded from a thousand narrow slit windows. Keen eyes scanned from every tower, ready to signal and direct. Checkpoints sprang up around the city; alarm klaxons told civilians to seek cover and clear the streets and arm themselves. Deep below Mount Albion in red litten command centers, tactical analysts rushed to their stations, prepared to sift through real time engagement reports. Thus the greatest military force in the world readied itself to defend against any attack.
But crucial seconds were lost determining that the blast had come from inside, not outside, the castle.
—
I was reminded in a way, of the magical outburst when I had lashed out at two city lowlifes who dared to violate the shrine of Aphrodite in hopes of violating me. This power surge had been even more severe, whether it spoke to the magnitude of my daughter’s ability or merely the exigency of the situation.
I hope there were no friendlies behind them, I thought numbly, trying to recall if I had seen anypony beyond the attackers as they charged.
With their military discipline the guards were the first to recover, reinforced by the troops finally pouring in from the hallway. The remaining rebels lay, indeed threw, down their arms. The spectacular death of their leader had taken the will out of them. Guards rounded them up with no trouble. Medical staff filed in and began tending to the wounded as more troops took stations around the room.
“That was incredible, darling.” I nuzzled Gloam’s shoulder. “You saved us.” I could barely hear my own voice, but at least I was no longer completely deaf. “Are you okay?”
“I… don’t know.” Her voice came from far away. “I killed five ponies.”
Only four by my count assuming no collateral damage from the blast. It was still a heavy burden for a foal her age. Then I saw a dead rebel who had seemingly flanked our defensive position before Jeris’s final charge. Gloam’s zebronican dagger –truly the little board knife had a bite– protruded from her neck. Without my daughter’s contribution to the defense we would have been taken from behind. The wicked morning star that had fallen beside the dead mare was matted with blood and hair.
“Retrieve your weapon, sweet babe of mine.”
“Thou has done well, filly, thou art a blooded defender of Equestria.” Luna addressed my daughter gently.
“Th-thank you, Princess.”
“You may call us ‘Aunt’, young warrior-mage.”
“Thank you, Aunt Luna.”
With a kick to loosen it from the dead pony’s corpse, I freed my sword, cleaned and sheathed it. I stepped to Luna’s side to help her with the anti-magic ring on her horn. Luna shook her head and nodded towards Twilight. Twilight still lay on the floor, surrounded by a crackling rose nimbus as she tried to free herself. The effort was clearly hurting her, but it was obvious that even without aid her escape was inevitable. I bent down and removed the ring from my love’s horn.
“Thanks,” she panted as I absently tucked the ring into my satchel.
Twilight stood and shook herself. With a the merest thought she shattered the ring restraining Luna’s power. Luna closed her eyes and her horn glowed – probably summoning her sister.
“What in Tartarus happened while I was trying to that dratted thing off of me? My ears are still ringing and I didn’t see how the fight ended.”
“Our daughter has won the day with spell and steel,” I gestured to where Gloam stood silently over her first kill.
“I think she’s hardly older than I am.” Gloam sounded more sad than traumatized; she was wrong too. The dead pony at Gloam’s hooves was small of stature but clearly adult. Even in death her face held an unkind aspect, no friendship lost here. “She hit that mare who was protecting her foal.” Medics had already surrounded the injured mare Gloam indicated. “When the mare fell, the bad lady came towards Dad. I had to.”
Following my example, she had retrieved and cleaned her dagger.
“I had to,” she repeated firmly as she sheathed the small weapon.
“There is no joy in killing,” I said aloud this time, “but you did what what needful and did it well.”
Nearby, a volume of space quavered with light as a white alicorn stepped through.
“You may return my hat, Twi— what did I miss?”
With impeachable timing, Celestia had returned.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“Ward the Princess!” called a sergeant – several of the guards took positions around her but none of the rebels showed any sign of further resistance. All their fight had been extinguished with Jeris’s death.
“Sergeant! Sitrep please.”
The sergeant ran to Celestia and saluted “Your Highness! Combat broke out seconds after you left. Lord Jeris, from the outmost marches, was the traitor. He had a number of armed cronies in among the loyal citizenry. Estimate twenty rebels dead, eight guards and several civilians. I don’t have a count on injuries. There were also turncoats in the palace staff who successfully deployed ADVs on princesses Luna and Twilight. He took advantage of the disruption when you stepped out for cake—”
“Cake?” Celestia cut him off. “I might have simply popped out to check a royal precedent in the annals.”
“Yes, your Highness. There is strawberry royal precedent on your Highness’s royal chin.”
Celestia coughed and wiped her chin.
“Carry on, soldier, I’ll complete your promotion recommendation after the current situation is resolved. Please continue.”
“Jeris was targeting their Highnesses Luna and Twilight. Princess Twilight’s daughter vaporized Jeris and two of his rabble.”
“Three, your Highness. I pushed away the bad stallion and three of his followers.” Gloam had entered the circle of guards and curtsied as she spoke to Celestia. “I ended one other traitor with steel.”
“I see, little one, well done.” She turned to me where I stood further away, “Are all young foals such mages and fighters in your world, Tangent?”
Ponies stepped aside and I approached Celestia.
“Neigh, your Highness, I find my daughter amazing in every way. In my world such deeds are rewarded with knighthood.”
It was true enough, if you you considered the traditions as recent as a mere thousand years before my birth. Which should be ‘as nothing’ to Celestia.
“In MY world, parliament has set a minimum age for knighthood to discourage parents allowing their young into harm’s way in the hopes of reflected glory.”
“Dissolve parliament,” I suggested without pausing to think who I spoke to, “as an emergency measure, while all standing members must go through security vetting before facing re-election. In the mean time, do as thou wilt.”
Celestia was shocked and a little impressed.
“You are a bloody-hooved manipulator of the first order, do you know that?”
“I crave your Highness’s pardon, I spoke too freely. Nor have i washed my soiled hooves after defending the throne of Equestria.”
“Pardon granted.” Celestia narrowed her eyes “I owe you my gratitude for your part in protecting my sister and… ahem, Twilight. But I still don’t know where you fit into the puzzle. You could yet be the fifth corner of the square.”
“Your doubts regarding myself aside, will you have my advice, Highness? I consider this to be important.”
“No doubt my entire staff has important matters, in their own consideration, all the way down to the cloakroom mare. Make it fast.”
“I pray you send scouts along the damage trajectory where Gloam blasted Lord Jeris. Fast scouts. They need to talk to eye witnesses and record their accounts of what they saw before the witnesses start talking to each other and reinforcing false memories that are based on whoever tells the story most powerfully. We need accounts untainted with narrative contagion if we are to have any chance of estimating the amount of energy my daughter summoned. Good record of the extent of the damage cone might help too. I can explain why this is important later but now is our chance to capture the data. Thank you for your time, your Majesty.”
“Sergeant. Make it happen, I hereby activate the Wonder Colts’ inactive regular reserve status, paperwork to follow. Also send ground scouts. They are to question witnesses with an eye to gathering first-hoof accounts, as Mr. Sparkle has described. Major Domo!” the poor chief of staff had just arrived with his clipboard as the Sergeant dashed off. “Pencil Tangent in for two hours of my time some time in the next fortnight. Thank you for being concise. Until later, Mister Sparkle.” She turned as I bowed and strode away with the General.
I nudged Hoovwißt as he took note of Celestia’s instructions. “If you hear report of ponies losing the hair of their coats and shitting blood, you’re gonna need to move that appointment sooner rather than later.” I gave him a grim half smile in return to his shocked look. “We’ll all hope it doesn’t come to that.” I wrinkled my nose to hide the fact that my eyes had filled with tears when I considered the possible implications of Gloam’s blast. Just how much power was involved? I knew nothing of the mathematics involved, only that a small meteor glancing off of Terra’s atmosphere at nearly light speed had released a deadly shower of radiation. The incident had been decades before my birth, but recent enough that I had met people who remembered the deaths. Could Gloam have accelerated the enemies to such a velocity?
Hoovwißt took more notes and followed after Celestia.
“What was that all about?” Twilight asked. “Look at you there, advising her majesty in a crisis! You could end up being knighted.”
“I don’t think she trusts me that well yet, but I did put in that suggestion on Gloam’s behoof and got slapped down for it. But I think you should consider briefing our daughter on what it’s like being her highness’s star student.”
“You protected me and Luna and those mares and foals. What more can she ask?”
“My broken body, dead at her hooves?” I guessed.
“Over my dead body,” said Twilight and her words filled me with unease.
“Twilight, should we—”
“Wait here with Gloam. I was wrong and I need to apologize to Celestia before my mistake stands any longer.”
“Your Highness, your Highness!” Twilight called as she trotted across to where the Princess and the commander conferred.
“Begging your pardon, General, I must interrupt for a moment.” She turned to Celestia. “Celestia, I know there has been a critical situation, but I owe you an apology. I should not have jumped to the conclusion that you intentionally set Tangent up for nine years of suffering and risk to his life. I’m sorry.”
“My dear Twilight, I understand perfectly how it must have looked to you. I made a terrible miscalculation, and based on what you knew it was plausible for you to think I was trying to use the time differential to kill Tangent without getting my hooves dirty. I repeat that I was not but I am painfully aware of how at fault I looked. I was baffled when you appeared before me so full of anger – I expected you to return happy, triumphant, and very relaxed. I thought I would be acknowledging your incredible power today.” Her plans had gone even further; but all was disarray now. “Hence the pressing full court.” Celestia raised her voice, “Tangent Sparkle! Come hither!” Turning back to the General she said, “Ironbeast, go entertain the filly for a few minutes please. I promise you my undivided attention shortly.”
The General saluted crisply and marched my direction. As we passed each other he smiled; his gruff façade fallen once he was no longer in the centre of Celestia’s attention.
A nearby soldier was sweeping small fragments of metal off the floor near the General’s path.
“Arcana Denial Vectors accounted for, Sir!”
“Good work, Private,” he said without looking, and now he faced my daughter.
“Hello, little miss!” he boomed to Gloam “I hear you’re pretty effective with a dagger. Would you like to try swinging a sword?”
“No, sir, I’d rather get better with dagger skills,” Gloam replied, “because I don’t own a sword.”
That's my girl – practical to a fault.
“Gimme yourverbal after action report – tell me how you dealt with the threat. Then we’ll discuss your tactics and what specifics you should learn.”
But I was standing before Celestia and couldn’t spare attention for Gloam and Ironbeast any more.
“Your Highness.” I lowered my head respectfully.
“Firstly, since you are married to my peer Twilight, we will see a lot of each other and you can scale down the obeisance a few notches.”
She waited for me to reply.
“Thank you, um, Princess?”
“That will do. You may be more formal when we have an audience. One that is not half traumatized by your daughter's wild magic surge. Secondly, whatever sins I do own, I wish to tell you to your face that I was not attempting to murder you–no, no reply needed, I am simply telling you. And I hope that being driven to harm yourself was the worst trauma of your exile.”
If Celestia was worried about the cutting then she obviously didn’t know the worst after all.
“Well, there was also a violent rape,” I didn’t say.
I bit my lip – less formal did not mean flippantly obscene. And I could not blame Celestia for the ills I suffered of a corrupt system.
“That was not the worst, Princess. Nice weather we’re having?”
Celestia swallowed hard.
“Indeed,” she agreed, “the weather is inutterably exquisite.”
“Have you abandoned your theories of doom?” Twilight asked.
“Not entirely. But I do believe that if Tangent destroys Equestria, he will not do it on purpose.”
“Never,” I whispered.
“I guess that's better?” Twilight conceded to Celestia’s concession.
“Princess,” said Celestia, “today has gone poorly in more ways than I can name or measure. For now, just get out of this mess and be with your family. That is your greatest priority right now, and it is my command.”
“One more moment, prithee.” Luna entered our circle. “There is a matter requiring attention. If Princeſs Twilight has gat her an heir, the young Lady Sparkle must be preſented to Equeſtria with diſpatch.”
“Yes, Luna, she must. Were not ponies injured, we might do so today.”
In the distance ponies already signaled that danger had ended; a jubilant flourish of trumpets from towers across the city. But even with the active threat resolved, there were injured ponies in need of care. Squads of medics had already triaged the injured civilians and were providing care as urgency dictated.
Across the room, guards were processing the surviving rebels before placing them in custody. They were arrested, searched for weapons, ID’d, checked for injuries, and taken away one by one. The rebel ponies themselves were passive and compliant, as though still baffled by a slow waking. One tawny stallion shook himself, finally clearing his head from an unknown haze. Bursting through the line of guards he dashed towards our impromptu conference. He was headed towards Gloam, but to get at her, he would need to pass a gauntlet mundane, arcane, and determined.
Ironbeast and I were ready to draw steel and three Princesses had spells almost cast; we hesitated seeing that he was unarmed and that his demeanor bespoke something other than an attack.
He skidded to a stop and threw himself on the ground at my daughter’s hooves.
“Miss,” the rebel said, “if I hang for my sins today I deserve it. But at least I die free of Lord Jeris and his goons.”
General Ironbeast nodded to the soldiers. They pulled the captive to his hooves and led him away.
“That,” said Celestia, “puts events in a very interesting light. Go, Twilight, and leave the aftermath to us.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Twilight led the way through Canterlot Castle. As a former resident of said edifice, she knew every jog and passage, and took us by way of a less crowded path.
“Nopony comes here, but the cleaners,” she explained.
In a deserted hallway, we almost passed a pair of restrooms.
“I gotta go,” Gloam announced and disappeared into the mares’ room.
As soon as we had the corridor to ourselves I eagerly whispered to Twilight.
“Honey, did you see Gloam’s magic? It was incredible!”
“Yeah,” she chuckled. “One helluva juvenile power surge. And just in time.”
“Not just that. The colour, did you see it at all?”
“Silver? I saw just a flash of it. That’s a very respectable chroma. Perhaps even a touch fancier than yours truly.”
“I mean the shift. It started grey and turned silver!”
“No-no, no,” she dissembled, “uh, your eyes must have fooled you, that can’t happen.”
“She’s going to be really powerful,” I blathered on, regardless of her denial, “that’s what it means if a foal’s magic colour –uh, chroma– changes, right?”
“What the buck, Tangent? What the actual buck?” There was a hint of panic in her eyes. “You can’t know about that, who told you? Was it in the pony show you told me about?”
“No, you told me, one night back on Terra,” I said. “We were up all night trying to, uh, tone things down , and you were talking about magic the whole time, and told me about how your magic chroma changed from red to pink, and I called it rose.”
“I told you about that? I would never!”
“You did, you did and—”
“Me? A tribe traitor?”
“A what ?” I asked, left cold by the implications of what she had said. She couldn't really mean—
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that .”
“How did you mean it, Princess?”
“Listen, spiritually speaking, all ponies are created equal, but—”
“But some ponies are more equal?”
“But ,” she said, “there are some things that we don’t talk about with other tribes. Important stuff like a young unicorn’s chroma changing colours. Most unicorns don’t even know about that, there are very few families with that much power. And, yes, that means that she is probably going to be a prodigy. I doubt that’s news to you. But just because all the tribes have come together in equinanimity doesn’t mean that we form an amorphous monoculture. Our differences are important to us. And some of those sacred differences, we are taught to keep secret.”
“Okay, but don’t you remember me saying that I could help you better with research if you tell me everything.”
“Some of that ‘everything’ is very privileged information.”
“Information that I want.”
“You sure do like secrets,” she said.
“No, I hate them. You never know when one of them is going to ruin your life.” For example, I mused grimly, the Covenant of secrecy the holy one had pressed upon me. “I’m just good at them because I have to be.”
“Sorry, I guess you are kinda an exception. Outside the rules.”
“Like?” I asked.
“You weren’t born an earthpony, and you didn’t grow up learning their secrets. Stuff that you really should know, and I don’t know it, so I can’t teach you.”
And if I had learned a thing or two about what it really means to be an earthpony, by Twilight’s own logic it was none of her concern. Let alone, whether I really had any business learning those secrets.
“Princess, listen to me. I gave birth to a unicorn. I need to know about unicorns for her sake.”
“I can teach her everything she needs to know. After all, I was raised unicorn.”
“Do you really think I’m not going to do my part for her? I’m her mother for Frig’s sake.”
“Okay, you’re right, and I’m not going to let a bunch of old traditions get between you and me. Just don’t tell anypony? I already taught you that pegasus, er thing about the wingshoulders, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but if you’d like to give me a quiz later, you can test my learning.”
“Now you’re talking!”
I nickered happily as she rubbed her neck against mine.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, “if I sounded discriminatory. Imma go make sure Gloam hasn’t fallen in, she’s been in there a while.”
“Okay. Maybe give her a heads up not to talk about the chroma change.”
“Yeah. I’ll let her know not to talk about it to just anypony, but that we can confide in you.”
“Thank you, Princess.”
While I waited for Gloam and her father, a well dressed yak sauntered along the hallway. When he drew near he stopped and stared for an awkward moment.
“Can I help you, sir?” I finally asked.
“Not at all, my good stallion. I just wanted to get a look at you.”
“Çest moi ?”
“My marefriend torments herself wondering what deeds you will perform in this land.”
“I am friend to all who support the throne of Equestria. Who is this friendly mare you speak of who misdoubts my presence? I would gladly assure her of my loyalty to the princesses.”
“You might know her already,” he observed. “A rather attractive lady, white coat, a multi-hued ethereally wafted pastel mane, and the sacred solar disk rests upon her shapely haunch.”
“Ah! Your Highness, I did not realize you were the Yakkul Prince!”
“I am the eleventh and youngest prince of a tiny country; I find myself in all ways quite satisfied with what will probably be a life long diplomatic mission. I am no future king.”
“It’s certainly a pleasure to meet you. I, too, was born elsewhere and hope to live out my days in Equestria, though here I am but a commoner.”
“The pleasure is mine, dear pony,” he said kindly, “and I assure you, 'my'—” it was easier for him to do air quotes with his cloven hooves “—princess outshines me at least as brightly as yours does, you.”
He spoke a few more words in Yakkish as he continued down the hallway. I was barely able to understand the dialect, grasping word roots without being able to parse the grammar. But I could have sworn a rough translation ignoring the honorifics would be, ‘thank you, may you die well’.
Standing alone as he walked away, I could hardly imagine what might precipitate such a benediction.
But I could certainly find common ground with him on the topic of being outshone by a princess. Twilight shines so very brightly! No matter how much I respected her knowledge, valued her friendship, admired her beauty, was sheltered by her strength, and desired her body, what it all boiled down to was awe. Awe of this one bookish adventurer who, second only to the reigning princess herself, was the very heart of Equestria. A pony like that I could almost worship, unworthy though I might be to even kiss the ground at her hooves. Yet she had sired my foal and chosen to share her life with me. I lost myself in dreams of what the future years of that lifetime of perfect unity might look like…
—
“Yoo hoo! Mom! Ground control to Mom!”
Gloam was waving her hoof in front of my face. They must have been in there talking unicorn business all this time.
“Did I hear you talking to someone out here, dear?” Twilight asked.
“Oh. Yeah. One of the nobles. And then I guess I spaced out. Are we ready to go?”
“Not quite. You’ll never guess what I found Gloam doing in the mares’ room.”
“Presumably not just going potty. Did she actually fall in again?”
Our daughter didn’t look especially damp.
“No, she was up on the sink-counter parading back and forth in front of the mirror.”
“That would have been my second guess,” I admitted.
“Stark naked,” Twilight added.
“Of course she was. I hope you hung up your clothes and didn’t just drop them on the floor of a public restroom!”
“Yes, Mom.”
“And why were you naked this time?”
Gloam swaggered as she said, “so I could get a better look at my cutie mark.”
Author's Note
e/h/t
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“What! What! What! I didn’t see it appear, I was blinded by the flash. What is it?”
Gloam grinned as I voiced my eager question.
Sure enough, there it was on her flank; she tugged her skirt a little to give me a better look. A rose star, like her father’s, graced by a pair of stylized motion lines suggested power, action, dynamicism. The visual brought to mind a meteor. It was perfect. The movement lines tilted towards her aft, giving the implication of forward movement.
“Oh, Gloam! It’s wonderful!”
In fact, it was perfect .
“I know,” she said, very pleased with the development, “isn’t it?”
—
“What a day,” said Twilight as we exited Canterlot Castle. “Shouting at her highness, combat and explosions in the throne room, my daughter gets her mark, and it’s only an hour past lunch. Celestia is right, let’s get our backsides home, if we hurry we can catch the two twenty train to Ponyville.”
“There’re some ponies in town I’d like to drop in upon, if we may, dear,” I said.
“Who? Who could you possibly want to visit in Canterlot?”
“Your parents. They have a granddaughter to meet. And I’ve yet to meet your sire.”
“Oh snack-crackers! I’ve totally been neglecting them the entire time you were banished.”
“We’ll divide and conquer,” I said.
“Come again?”
“You’ll team up with your dad and talk about how great it is to be a father and I’ll talk to your mother about pregnancy and labor. By the time we’re done with them they’ll forget all about a few weeks with no Twilight updates.”
“No. I will start with the apology, and if I’m still part of House Sparkle, we can take it from there.”
—
“Nervous?” Twilight paused midway through the family-spell which would open her parents’ front door.
“Not really. It’s a bit late to ask permission to marry you. If they want to reject me as their something in law, Celestia herself is obligated to defend my standing since she married us.”
“Something in law?” She paused again, with the door ajar.
“Well, if I’m your wife, but I’m male, am I their son in law or daughter in law?”
“Ugh, son in law. Is our whole life going to be an unending series of gender gags?”
“Probably,” I said.
“Probably,” Gloam agreed.
“Let’s do this.” She opened the door fully.
I followed her in, not knowing what to expect.
The front door opened into a broad hallway. The furnishings all displayed comfortable wealth and good taste, without ostentating. Just inside the door, coats were hung on either wall. After a step up from the slate paved entry, the rest of the hall was carpeted. Through a door on the right I could see what appeared to be a dining room, and I guessed a living room was to the left, past a small table bearing a cut crystal bowl. Past the doors, the walls were lined with portraits showing the history of the Sparkles. Their home looked very welcoming, and Twilight’s mother was very nice, but what would Lord Sparkle be like? Maybe I was a tiny bit nervous.
“Mom? Dad?” Twilight called, “Are you home?”
“Come in, long lost daughter!” I heard a stallion, presumably Nightlight, call from the door to the left. “You’ve missed your brother and lunch. He took the leftovers with him.”
“Wait here,” I whispered to Gloam in the hallway and followed Twilight into a cozy living room. On one wall a stone fireplace held a pleasant blaze. Opposite an official portrait of Princess Celestia hung in a position of honor. A comfortable looking sofa occupied the wall facing a curtained window; there sat Twilight’s parents. Twilight Velvet was reading the Canterlot Post and Nightlight seemed to be finishing a spell – magic was fading around his horn.
“I’m sorry for being out of contact,” she said. “Mom, I guess you met Tangent already? Dad, this is my somepony special, his name is Tangent.”
“So you’re the stallion who wants to marry my little filly.”
He stood to offer me his hoof; I ignored it to hug him.
“Too late, Dad, been there, done that, her Highness married us by fiat, and he’s my wife,” Twilight explained giving hardly any detail, “but the reason I’ve been out of touch is that he was temporarily stuck back in his old world and it’s taken me weeks to work up the magic to bring him home again. But there was a timeslip between the worlds and it’s been nine years for him.”
“Timeslip?” Nightlight asked as I released him, “you’ve experienced nine years while my little Twilight was neglecting her parents for a few weeks?”
“Yes, sir,” I said.
“Nine, really?” Twilight Velvet asked. I nodded. “Oh, that’s terrible! Twilight, I’m glad you kept busy working on your spells and didn’t waste time visiting us!” Twilight Velvet spoke earnestly as Nightlight nodded his agreement. “Of course a note to your parents wouldn’t have hurt at all. Are you okay, Tangent?”
“Where there is life, there is hope, Mom,” I said.
“Well now, that doesn’t sound stark and ruinous at all,” she said with gentle sarcasm.
“I’m just happy to be back with Twilight now.”
I stood very close at her daughter’s side, a position that she seemed to approve of.
“There’s more,” Twilight said as her parents looked at her expectantly, “we were, uh, kinda fooling around—”
“You’re pregnant!” Twilight Velvet burst in, dropping the paper and springing to her hooves. Eagerly she felt at Twilight’s side with a lit horn, hoping to detect some sign of pregnancy.
Nightlight, having pushed me aside and now scanning Twilight from the other side, was even more excited than his wife, improbable as that seemed.
“Um, no.” Both parents were instantly disappointed and quenched their magics. “The truth is weirder than that. Tangent, uh, can you handle explaining this please?”
“Sure. Mom and Dad Sparkle, you see, Twilight and I made passionate, vigorous, love—” from the corner of my eye I could see Twilight’s hoof cover her eyes, not regretting asking me to explain at all “—with our genders magically swapped and your lovely daughter knocked me up. That happened just before I departed from Equestria. I’ve been raising our foal alone on a world called Terra for the last eight years.” The sudden revelation left them speechless. “Come out, sweetie,” I called back towards the hall.
After a delay just long enough to suggest swallowing a hoofful of mints, Gloam stepped around the corner and her grandponies melted.
“Lord and Lady Sparkle, I am delighted to present my daughter, Gloam Jet Sparkle; your granddaughter! Gloam, your grandponies, Nightlight Sparkle and Twilight Velvet Sparkle.”
Their eyes made like their family name and sparkled.
“A granddaughter who doesn’t live a thousand kilometers into the frozen north, who’s old enough to spoil, and I never had to change a diaper once! Oh,Twilight, you shouldn’t have!” Twilight Velvet winked at me. “But I’m glad she did.”
“I could have an ‘accident’ once in a while if you think you’ve missed out,” snarked Gloam.
“Oh, ho, ho!” Twilight Velvet chortled, “I think we’re going to have fun, young miss Gloam! You are old enough to help clean your own accidents, but I’m glad you’re a spirited filly. How long ago did you get your mark, honey?”
“About an hour, after the big fight! Do you like it?”
“It’s wonderful! And dear,” Twilight Velvet said to Nightlight, as she nudged him affectionately, “doesn’t it remind you of his Lordship, your father?”
“Yes, I wish the late Earl was alive to see the old Sparkle star is still running strong in the family despite skipping me! My sire would have been so happy to meet you, Gloam.”
“Skipping you, my Lord?” I asked. “I take it the star motif has been in the family for a while?”
“Firstly, young stallion, if you’re married to my daughter, I won’t have you call me ‘Lord’ unless you’re introducing me in public. If you’re calling Velvet ‘Mom’, you can call me ‘Dad’. I don’t know how much Twilight has told you about her family, but House Sparkle has been serving Princess Celestia for a double hoofful of centuries, and most of my foresires have had the Sparkle star.”
“I see, sir, I mean, Dad. It’s a pleasure to part of the Sparkle family.”
“Next time you’re here in Canterlot with an hour or eight to kill, we’ll crack open a Rehoboam of port and I can start teaching you the history of the Earls, and how the star has manifested over the generations.”
“The paintings in the hall?”
”That’s them! So, Twilight, erm, how’s it feel to be a father?” Nightlight asked. “I can’t believe I’m asking my daughter such a question!”
“I’ve only known about this for a week, Dad, so it’s still unreal to me. But, it’s great, Gloam is the most incredible filly, I love her!”
Twilight drew Gloam into an embrace and I sighed with contentment looking at how happy they were. For eight long years I had done everything that I could for my daughter, but a young pony needs her father too. At last her father was part of her life.
“I realize you’re still getting to know her,” Twilight Velvet said to Twilight, “but you also need to catch up with Tangent. How about Gloam spends the night with us, and you two could check into The Ceylon for tonight? It’s, ahem, a romance hotel over in Tantra Square. Down at the far end, by the station. Really quite nice, though we haven’t been there in a while.”
Nightlight looked rather surprised by her admission.
Twilight Velvet blushed when she realized the conclusion that might be drawn from her statement.
“I mean, it’s not Nighty can’t— or that we don’t— aaiigh!” she clamped a hoof to her forehead in embarrassment. “What I mean to say is that we no longer have to sneak off to a hotel to get some privacy now that the foals are all grown.”
“It’s okay, Grandmare Velvet,” said Gloam, infinitely wise and jaded as only an eight year old filly can be, “don’t be embarrassed. Mom has been doing the grownup thing with dad nonstop since dad rescued us.”
Silence filled the room after Gloam dropped that bombshell. She smiled, pleased with herself. Better than farting in an elevator!
“Waaaaait,” said Twilight slowly as she pondered implications, “so all those times you and Dad said you were going to ‘a parenting convention’…”
“Uh-huh!” Twilight Velvet nodded enthusiastically. “It sure was nice to spend some time with my sweetie once in a while without worrying about you rappelling down through the skylight.”
“I never did that!”
“You did,” both parents averred.
“I would remember something like that. Hey Dad, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Nightlight nodded and led Twilight towards the den.
“I’m going exploring,” Gloam intoned casually and faded into the woodwork. We pretended not to notice.
“Cutie mark at age eight. Full of sass and confidence. Certainly a precocious young lady,” Twilight Velvet said when we were alone.
“Mommy is totally thrilled by her!” I enthused.
“So, nonstop?”
“Gloam thinks that she is exaggerating for shock value. But—” I tallied the events of the last week in my mind “—Twilight and I have kept pretty busy since we were reunited. Easily ten times in the first hundredhour, in spite of our daughter's best efforts.”
“Good, I’m glad. It’s important for you youngsters to get some time together.”
“Is the rappelling story true?”
“Yes. For starters, we had a lock & silence spell on our bedroom door, for the obvious reason. Twilight knew the emergency ward word, but she understood that wanting a drink of water was not an emergency and went looking for another way, no matter how much less difficult it would have been to get her own water. So I’m lying on my back trying to get my eyes to uncross after my third, and looking past Nighty’s shoulder I see something purple drop down from the ceiling—”
“Uh oh!” I murmured.
“—and then she taps him on the shoulder to ask, ‘daddy, what are you doing to mommy?’ Naturally this startles him. He jerks his head back, their horns cross, there’s a flash, and they’re both out cold. That’s probably why Twilight doesn’t remember it. I scooted off to the kitchen and helped myself to a bowl of ice-cream.”
“That was unquestionably the correct course of action. What flavor?”
“Butter-brickle.”
“Good call.”
“It was obvious I wasn’t getting any more hooves-on time. Has Gloam done anything to top that?”
“No, but Twi’ and I have only been back together for a week and we had sacrificial house guests to distract her. My friend Ishaz and our dear Lord of Chaos, Discord, were visiting and found themselves mercilessly bedeviled by her.”
Twilight Velvet laughed aloud.
“I bet even Lord Discord had his various manipulators full with Gloam!” she said. “So, while you were female you carried Gloam the full eleven months and—” she made a straining noise that any mother would recognize “—everything?”
“Well, I was human again while carried her, so it was only nine months, but yes—” I repeated the universal sound of labor “—everything.”
“You’re not the first couple to do a switch-up for fun, (no, Nighty and I have not ) but you may be the first stallion to give birth.”
“I’m just glad I didn’t get a cutie mark for that!”
“No matter when, or if, you do get your mark, we’re glad to have you as part of the family.”
“Thank you, Mom.”
“What happened with your mother? Did having a granddaughter make any difference to her?”
“Honestly, I never wanted to find out. And then, just a few days ago Twilight and I bumped into her. It turns out that she’s been getting treatment, and therapy, and is doing much better. She asked Twilight to take good care of me.”
“Aw, bless her heart, and bless her journey to healing.”
“Amen,” I agreed.
“And it just goes to show you, never give up on anypony. While so much as one breath remains, it’s not too late for repentance.”
Before I could ask Twilight Velvet more about her views on grace, Twilight and Nightlight returned; Twilight was levitating a sawdust covered Gloam at her side.
“Any injuries?” I asked.
“The only fatality was dad’s workshop.”
Twilight was more upset about whatever happened than her father.
“It’s nothing sweetie,” he assured Gloam.
Twilight Velvet’s horn lit up and she accepted charge of the grubby burden. “Go on, kids,” she said, “tell them I sent you. I recommend room seventeen. But now, I have a granddaughter to scrub and then we’re making cookies!”
As we left, I couldn’t help but notice that the candy bowl in the hall was now empty.
—
Lord and Lady Sparkle watched their daughter and her special pony stroll down the street.
“Well that was sudden,” Twilight Velvet said to Nightlight.
He could only nod in agreement, reflecting back on an improbable topic of lunchtime conversation.
Levitating Gloam down to the ground, Twilight Velvet grinned and asked, “How do you like Equestria so far?”
“I think I’m going to like it here a lot, Grandmare Velvet. I’ve only been here one day and I’ve already killed a monster last night and demolished Princess Celestia’s throne room today while fighting assassins! I’ll show you how I did it—”
Gloam’s horn began to glow.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Extra drop today, on account of reasons . Also, innuendo warning.
147-In The White Room
Twilight and I enjoyed a pleasant stroll following her mother’s directions. Not even a distant explosion disturbed our enjoyment of each other’s company. After we turned from Headan Avenue to Thirty Second Street, we arrived.
“I dunno,” Twilight said as we paused for a moment in front of the Ceylon hotel, “this kinda lacks spontaneity.”
The building itself was discreet, the sign out front giving no indication just what went on inside. Anypony who didn’t know might mistake it for a teahouse or a vendor of robotic warriors.
“Let us consider that we have taken an opportunity that we couldn't have imagined an hour ago. Spontaneity has struck, now we roll with it.”
“Okay.” She smiled. “I’m still in shock that I took you to meet my parents and their first reaction was to pack us off to a sex hotel!”
“Your parents accept that you are a grown up mare and that there is a physical component to our love. And they want some time to get to know their granddaughter.”
Twilight chickened out once we entered said sex hotel.
“I can’t do this. I’m going to skulk here by the fireplace while you get the room. Hurry or I might run away!”
I approached the front desk alone.
“We’d like a room for two,” I said to the manager, “if you have a vacancy? It’ll be me and I’m going to try to get the pretty purple alicorn mare hiding behind the potted ficus to join me.” He didn’t so much as bat an eyelash at the notion of an alicorn as a customer. “Since we’re like married and stuff.”
“By the hour or overnight?” was his circumspect question.
“Overnight, if you please.”
“Excellent, sir, have you seen our catalog?”
He passed me a brochure from a stack on the counter.
Breezily I flipped through the glossy illustrated guide to the many themed rooms on offer. The couples shown enjoying the various scenes were pretty clopworthy. But being with my Twilight, tonight, I would have no need of spank material for now. I tucked the flier into my satchel.
“Her mother recommends room seventeen. We’d like to give it a try.”
“Excellent choice, quite popular in certain circles. Please allow me to verify that it is vacant tonight.” He checked the board behind him, removing a room key and sliding it across the counter. “If sir would be so good as to sign the register…”
—
“I can’t believe my parents used to come here,” Twilight said as we walked down the hall towards our room.
I grinned until Twilight realized what she had said.
With a groan she rephrased herself. “I find it challenging to accept that my immediate progenitors were previously in the habit of utilizing this highly specialized facility.”
“I’d say they have very good taste.”
Everything we had seen so far was impressive. Tidy and understated, this was clearly a retreat for classy ponies in search of a quiet assignation; certainly not a bolt hole for mares of the night to ply their tragic trade.
“I wonder what else I don’t know about my parents. I wonder if they snuck off to swing.”
“No way. I’d say they are one hundred percent, locked on, dialed in, on strictly for each other. That’s my take after meeting them. Here we are.”
I unlocked our room and opened the door.
“Oh, wow.”
Twilight stood gobsmacked in the doorway and I peered around her to get a look at the room.
The first thing I noticed was white, everywhere, brilliant white. Indirect lighting made the entire room bright like there was sunlight everywhere; the floor itself was illuminated from beneath. Gold trim dripped from everything that wasn’t actively illuminated and black curtains covered the windows to keep the room’s brilliance from shining out like a beacon into the night. To the side of the entryway where we stood, a spiral stair lead to a small balcony commanding a view of the room. The only real colour was the velvet painting of Celestia, mane and tail wafting on mystic breezes. The picture hung over the bed; larger than life it took most of the wall. I couldn't imagine her Highness sitting for such a portrait.
“Oh, wow, is right, that’s almost irreverent.” I nodded towards the painting. “This must be styled after Celestia’s own room?”
“Nuh-uh. Not at all. Her room is all blues and purples and cozy. This is… crazy! To Tartarus with spontaneity, do me now!”
—
“I’m close, oh Princess, oh I love you—”
“Tangent, I’m gonna—”
“You are very naughty ponies!” said Celestia.
Hiding under the bed may not have been the best choice, but Twilight was scooting under from the other side; I reflected that at least I was not alone in my folly.
“That wasn’t really…?” I asked.
“It can’t have been. But it sounded like her.” She raised her voice, calling, “Teacher? Princess?”
“Your Highness?” I added.
Only silence.
Twilight touched my shoulder and I climbed out from under the bed; I was not struck down by celestial fire and she emerged a moment later.
There was nopony else in our room.
“You heard that too, right?” Twilight asked.
I nodded, yes.
“But there’s no way—”
“Bow Down Before Me!” boomed Celestia from above.
Twilight and I lowered our heads on command, but what direction should we bow? Where could Celestia be, and why did she sound so stern? Nervously we looked around but there was no sign of her Highness.
“Twi? Could it be some kind of audio recording?”
As if prompted Celestia’s voice rang out again, sultry this time, “Thou must be… punished !”
“There must be a sound crystal hidden somewhere in here. That one didn’t even sound remotely like something she would say.” Twilight looked around again before adding, “I hope.”
After a thorough search we found a device hidden on the balcony. An array of thin gold wires and magical gems attached to a small wooden board, tucked under a pillow. The weight of the pillow had randomly activated some of the controls.
“I don’t know about you babe,” I said, “but as much as I truly do love her Highness as our ruler, I do not harbor any urge to include her in our sex life.”
“Me neither! Let’s just sleep.”
“Rest, Princess.” I kissed her cheek. “I’m going to go ask the manager if this device is one of the perks for our room.”
—
The same stallion who had rented us the room was still at the front desk.
“How may I be of service?”
He naturally suspected something amiss and I dutifully produced the magical soundboard.
“Does this come with the room?”
I pressed a key and the machine spewed forth a curt, “ungghh, deeper, peasant!”
The manager winced.
“It has been randomly going off, and I’m afraid it’s rather spoiled the mood,” I said.
“I am so sorry, sir, that is absolutely not one of our amenities; it must have been lost by a previous guest and housekeeping failed to remove it.”
“In defense of your cleaners, it was buried under a throw pillow on the balcony. Took us forever to find it.”
He shook his head with regret.
“I can comp you the room, that kind of prank is not what we expect our paying guests to tolerate.”
“I’ll meet you halfway. Comp us some snacks and a bottle of decent bubbly and I’ll call it good.”
“Thank you, sir, that’s very reasonable of you. Do you want it left outside the door, or shall I bring it in?
“Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll make sure my better half is too distracted to notice you bring it in.”
The manager clicked his tongue and winked; now it was up to me to salvage my evening with Twilight.
—
“Tangent…” Twilight’s respiration had steadied to the point where she could speak again; perhaps I was losing momentum as my tongue tired.
“Mmmmf, mmmf?” I asked from between her thighs.
“Somehow sandwiches and champagne have appeared in our room,” she said dreamily. “I’m not complaining, mind you, but we never did have lunch. Maybe you could pour me a glass of champies and feed me a little sammich?”
Reluctant as I may have been to disengage my mouth from Twilight's luscious cleft, I rose to inspect our treats. I selected a cress and cucumber on thin caraway rye for my love and poured champagne. I offered her the corner of the sandwich and she daintily nibbled at it while I stuffed half a cheese and roasted pepper sandwich on herbed wheat bread into my mouth.
The tiny sandwiches were good, just enough to fuel another round but not heavy enough to slow anypony down. Soon, they and the champagne were gone.
“And now…”
“What now, dearest?”
Without a word she levitated her empty glass back to the tray. Rotating herself until she was laying across the bed, she lay on her back and hung her head over the edge of the mattress.
“Now,” she said, looking at me upside down, “now I want you to do me like I did you that one night, c’mon, c’mon, I want you to pound my mouth!”
—
The next morning we turned up at the Sparkle residence, yawning from an almost sleepless night, but ready to collect our daughter from her grandponies. The house was standing, that was promising. Twilight Velvet’s mane was slightly singed, but she was upbeat still. Apparently she’d had an hair raising, but fun evening with her granddaughter. But there was no sign of Nightlight; had he survived?
Twilight shared some of the less unmentionable highlights of our evening with her mother. She described the room, and what we found in it, but not what occurred, nor where we ended up when sallying forth later in the evening.
“Well that sounds exciting!” Twilight Velvet said.
I hoofed a random button on the magic soundboard – the hotel manager had been quite glad to let me keep it.
“You must learn to serve me better!” decried the recorded Celestia impersonator.
“Room seventeen used to be a tropical castaway theme.” Twilight Velvet was blushing. “With palm trees and grass skirts.”
“I see,” Twilight saw. “Where’s Dad?”
“He’s ah, rest—” Twilight was off like a shot “—ing.”
Gloam was at the window and Twilight Velvet cast a spherical spell around herself and me.
“Would you like some cookies, Gloam?” she asked.
No response, Gloam was watching ponies out on the street.
Louder, “have as many cookies as you want, Gloam.”
Still nothing.
Satisfied, Twilight Velvet turned to me.
“Tangent, what did you give birth to?”
“Cover your mouth,” I said, speaking from the side of mine. “She may be able to read lips. She can see us in the reflection on the window glass.”
Twilight Velvet looked alarmed and her spell grew more opaque.
“Isn’t she just wonderful?” I asked. “What happened?”
“She told me about sneaking onto the big slide at the water park and hitting the water backwards.”
“Oh, that. Yep, she’s a real hoofful!”
“She tried to re-enact it last night. With the housekeeping staff’s largest laundry tub at the bottom of the stairs. She was just about to jump onto the banister when Nighty caught her.”
“Good catch, Dad! She should definitely have asked before borrowing the tub, I’m sorry about that.”
“Tangent, how long ago was the slide incident?”
“Three days, our timeline.”
“Celestia help me, I may be too old for this.”
“Don’t worry, Mom, she’s a good filly. Did she tell you what she did before the water park?”
“No.”
“I was in the clutches of a tentacle monster; it was about to rip my legs off. She jumped from a safe hiding place and started tearing its eyes out with a rusty pipe.”
“Ma déesse, ” Twilight Velvet whispered. “A foal like that, it’s okay if she terrorizes her grandponies. Nighty and I will gladly take care of her any time you kids need us to.”
“Thanks, Mom. We’ll try not to abuse the privilege.”
“She’s going to grow up to be an important pony. I’m sure of it.”
A moment later as Twilight Velvet cut her spell as my Twilight came bustling along.
“Sorry about that,” my princess said, “I heard an explosion yesterday, and suddenly got worried about Dad.”
“He was just showing Gloam his cannon, up on top the tower. He didn’t expect her to figure out how to fire it,” her mother explained to me.
“Boom!” yelled Gloam. “It’s not as good as real magic, but I want to study gunnery too!”
I’d have to make a point of warning Captain Armitage at the Ponyville Castle garrison to be careful about Gloam around the cannons.
A moment later we had said our goodbyes and departed.
“Bye-bye, Gloamosauros Wrecks!” Twilight Velvet called from the porch.
We hurried off, Twilight and I hoping we could catch up from a long night by snoozing on the train.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“I am told,” I said to the sex hotel desk clerk a couple hours after our run in with the celestial sound board, “that Canterlot has some good dance clubs. Can you recommend anything in easy walking distance?”
The manager who had checked us in, and brought us our snack earlier in the afternoon, was off duty. But, barely nine at night now, we sought a refractory diversion. The night clerk, perhaps less polished than her predecessor, looked much more likely to be able to give good advice about clubs and Twilight and I would find a turn or two around a discreet dance flour somewhere would be a nice activity before our next round.
“Well there’s the Palladium if you don’t mind taking a cab, or— wait.”
She seemed to reach some internal decision.
“No,” she said. “You don’t want a ballroom, you need a juke joint where you can get down. I’d suggest the Underground. They’ll let you in if I—”
She seized a notepad and quill to write out a few words.
“Out the door, left, right at the next street, two blocks. Just past the donut shop, go into Stevie’s Allnite on the corner. Give this to the bouncer, you can’t miss him.”
She passed us the note.
“Thanks!” we said together.
—
I’d heard too much about Donut Joe to walk past without stopping. A quick single shot espresso and one tiny little donut (glazed old-fashioned) wouldn't be a problem. Another donut (a spiraled cruller) and espresso were similarly harmless. A third donut (miniature maple bar) with the same beverage was simple exuberant joy at a new experience. The fourth donut (chocolate frosted with nuts) and espresso combo might have been a bad idea, but Twilight pulled me away before I could devour yet another.
Beyond Joe’s we found a twenty four hour bodega on the corner. Stevie, I assumed, at the register looked like he’d pulled a few too many sequential all night shifts, but he groaned a friendly, if nearly incoherent, greeting.
“Gudd Ev’nah, Maam’n si-ir.”
He shook himself like he had almost nodded off mid-word. It wasn’t even a long word, not some seven syllable scientific name that might warrant a quick refresher half way through.
Joe had given me my fifth order to go, and I set the tiny coffee cup and donut (pink frosted with coconut) on the counter.
“I think you need this more than I do, friend,” I said. “I gotta go talk to a pony.”
I followed Twilight towards the back.
The stallion we presumed was a bouncer stood before a cooler full of dairy products. No low-fat cottage cheese for anypony without the password!
“I got this,” I told Twilight before approaching the big Lugg of a fellow.
“It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide,” I whispered from the side of my mouth.
The presumed bouncer’s brow scrunched as he pondered whether to simply refuse access or call medical assistance for me.
“Don’t mind him,” Twilight laughed and passed over the note.
“Ah, welcome in,” he said after reading. With a shove the cooler slid silently aside.
We found ourselves at the mouth of a dim, plushly carpeted, passage. In the distance, the throb of music.
“Uh, do you wish to be recognized, Princess?” the bouncer asked.
“I’d rather not,” she said.
“Wear this.” He produced a mask that would hide nothing but her eyes. ”Nopony will admit seeing you here.”
“What about me? What about me?” I asked eagerly as she donned the ‘disguise’.
“Nopony knows who you are, Tangent.”
“Woah.”
My mind was blown to be addressed by name.
“How do you know his name?”
It was a good question, and one I might have asked if Twilight hadn’t beat me to the punch.
“S.P. Weekly had an article. He’s suspected of crashing the F 4 last fall and there was a stampede.”
“Oh! That was me, it was! But I had help with the stampede.”
“And he had a ticket, I know. I gave it to him.”
“Good to know, mystery lady, ma’am.” Twilight giggled at the ‘effect’ of her disguise. “That makes a big difference to a humble security professional like myself. I’ll let ponies know that he had a ticket.”
As he allowed me to don a similarly ineffective (other than social signaling) disguise, I reflected that it might not be the best time to mention that I didn’t use my ticket. But hopefully merely possessing it was sufficient to regain favor in the eyes of the bouncers’ union.
“Three drink minimum,” he called after us as we ventured into the Underground. “Don’t cause no stampede.”
The club itself took the concept of low-light to an extreme. There wasn’t a single source of illumination above ankle level, and not much below. Enough light not to run into ponies; but hardly enough to identify them.
I was searching for the bar, but Twilight pulled me towards the dance floor.
“Let’s go.”
The music swelled into a hypnotic bass dream and wrapped itself around us as we moved together.
—
It was amazing, I reflected.
Only one day back in Equestria and I knew it would be my forever home. In the space of a short day I’d seen an old friend get a new start on life, met many new ponies, had a genuine (if short) combat adventure, and now was topping it all off with one helluva evening with my Twilight.
I brushed her mane back with a gentle hoof; it had fallen down over her eyes. They were closed, now, as she focused. She looked both satisfied with what had gone before and eager for more, clopping herself while she sucked my dick, the two of us squeezed into a cramped stall in the mares’ room at the Underground club.
“Mmm-mn?” she asked without detaching.
“Ready,” I agreed.
In a tumult of crowded motion we changed positions, shaking the stall partitions. Twilight leaned over the toilet now, and I took her from behind, entering without hesitation. She was hot, and wet, and neither of us were going to last long at all. Seconds at most and our efforts to restrain our voices were surely bound to fail.
“Just like that,” my husband mumbled and she surrounded me with her coming, and she was my world, she was my life, and I filled her with my love.
“Bucking Ayyyy,” intruded a voice from above as we moaned loudly together.
I looked up through orgasmic haze and saw a pony I recognized from an ancient TV show peering over the partition, but she too was wearing a mask; I wouldn't say her name.
“You sure know how to party, teacher,” she said to Twilight. “I would have never guessed.”
Twilight didn’t reply, savoring her plateau before resolution set in, but she reached up and tapped her mask.
“Yeah, yeah, I know the protocol. I won’t blow your cover.”
I popped out, and as I helped Twilight clean up before pulling her panties up and skirt down, the intruder disappeared. A moment later we heard the toilet flush in the next stall and the sound of a door latch rattling open.
“Meet you two at the bar!”
—
“Three drink minimum?” I demanded of the bartender as I took a seat next to Twilight. She sat next to the mare we had met in the can.
He just shook his head, yes.
“That’s outrageous! I have four hooves don’t I?”
He didn’t so much as crack a smile, but Starlight Glimmer chuckled.
“I like your colt-friend already, teacher,” she said. “Or hookup, whatever the case may be.”
“Actually, he’s my lawfully wedded wife, student.”
Twilight had left the restroom a minute before me so we wouldn’t be obviously leaving together. She had ordered already; an empty shot glass sat before her and she held a glass of white wine magically floating. She sipped it contentedly as she watched the reaction her revelation provoked.
Starlight Glimmer set her drink down. With exaggerated reverence she raised her forehooves did obeisance to Twilight.
“I bow before your superior freakiness, O my master, lead me always in your freaky ways.”
Meanwhile I was placing my drink order.
“I’ll take one shot each of four different gins and a small glass of tonic water,” I said.
“How long have you two been together?” Starlight asked as I drank my first shot.
“A few months,” and, “nine years,” Twilight and I collided in our answers.
“Which?”
“Nine years, his time,” and, “a few months on her timeline,” we tried again.
“Whatever you’ve been up to, try to at least get your stories straight. I won’t judge.”
“I’m sure you won’t,” Twilight said. “Grabby McButt-hooves.”
“I said I was sorry! I was new to being friends and mistook the signals. He was willing to let me, once the misunderstanding was resolved.”
“Could happen to anypony, I suppose,” I said despite not knowing the specifics, and chased my second shot with tonic.
Starlight hurried to change the subject.
“I heard there was a magic explosion at the castle today. Know anything about that?”
“—” Twilight opened her mouth but I was faster.
“Our daughter, saving Equestria” I said proudly, raising another shot, crying, “to Gloam!” and wishing her a good evening with her grandponies.
Starlight drank to my toast, and Twilight finished her wine as I drained my third shot.
“Your—” Startlight started to ask.
“Drink up.” Twilight nudged me. “We have a dance floor to demolish.”
“Again,” I said, sipping a little tonic before knocking back my fourth shot.
—
When we returned to the bar after another set on the floor, Starlight was chatting with another mare.
“Hey,” Twilight greeted the newcomer, “I though we left you in Sri Lanka…”
“…working the desk, at the sex hotel,” they burst into song together, then broke up laughing.
“An oldies song,” Starlight explained in response to my questioning look. “But I don’t know why they picked that one.”
“I guess ‘cos we met her at the Ceylon romance hotel?”
“The freakening never ends. What do you do for an encore?”
“Stampede?” I suggested.
“I’m game.”
She didn´t blink. I could imagine Starlight being able to handle, or start, a stampede or two.
“No stampede,” Twilight said quickly.
“Did I ever tell you about that time I—”
“Honey, I said, ‘no’.”
“Explosions,” I teased and Starlight chuckled.
“No.”
“Limbs flying every direction!”
The hotel mare was laughing too.
“Teacher,” Starlight said, “I’m dancing with your wife before he gets himself in trouble.”
As Starlight dragged me towards the dance floor I saw Twilight turn to the off-duty desk clerk.
“Well, come on,” she said, “I guess that means you’re dancing with me.”
I had no idea how late it was, but the music was slower and less deafening than when Twilight and I first arrived.
“Where you from?” Starlight asked me.
“A human world, called Terra.”
“Ah. So probably time rate differentials. That must be why you and ‘your husband’ gave different answers.”
“Yeah. Figures a chrono-warrior like you would figure it out quickly. And, we were gender swapped when we got married, so she really is my husband, we’re not just being weird. I bore her foal.”
“That’s plenty weird enough. How’d you get married so fast? I didn’t even know she was seeing anypony.”
“Let me advise you not to use Celestia as an expression when she’s standing right there. Unless you really mean it!”
Starlight laughed as we danced on.
“Leave it to Twilight,” she said at last. “I’m glad I didn’t beat her, back at Our Town. This is so much more interesting! Oh, and she’s watching us, Ceesh, we’re just dancing.”
She was a better dancer than Twilight but I missed the princess’s gawky enthusiasm.
Starlight waved at Twilight we drifted by her. A song ended and I was passed off to the desk clerk as Twilight and Starlight danced to the next one.
“Jezzy,” she said, throwing the carefully rehearsed anonymity protocol to the wind.
“Tangent Sparkle,” I replied. It’s not like she couldn't look me up in the hotel register.
“I don’t normally go dancing with the guests, but I’m glad you two are enjoying my suggestion.”
“We are. I’ll make sure to let your manager know that we appreciate your advice.”
“Thanks. He doesn’t technically approve of me—” she gestured towards a heavily pierced ear “—but he keeps giving me raises because of my quality customer service.”
“Do you come here often?”
“Yeah, that’s my colt-friend DJ-ing the late-n-early show. I hang out until he gets off work.”
“You must see some interesting stuff working where you do.”
“I do. And part of my quality customer service is not talking about what I see. But I can tell you this: Everypony screws.” She shook her head emphatically, causing her metal-laden ears to sway atop her head. “Everypony.”
—
We left Jezzy to wait for her colt-friend’s shift to end; the sun was broaching the horizon by the time we staggered out of the club.
“Oh, wow.”
Twilight squinted into the light, baffled by its presence.
“Praise Celestia, Princess, the sun has risen!” I said. “Let’s go bang!”
“Do you swing?” Starlight asked. “I’m just drunk enough to do something crazy!”
“Maybe,” and, “No!” Twilight and I responded, in that order.
“Which?” Starlight asked again.
“Maybe not,” and “I don’t think so?” were our amended replies.
“Get your stories straight and let me know!” Starlight said. “Good meeting you, Tangent.”
We trotted back toward the Ceylon, through empty streets in the Canterlot morning. The only sign of life was a few tired starlings, hopping around dejectedly under a leafless shrubbery.
The next round took place back in our hotel room, as our buzz faded. Perhaps slower, perhaps less coordinated than previous rounds, but no less satisfactory.
“Ready to get some sleep?” I asked Twilight afterward.
“Get showered up. We need to check out before they charge us for another day. And we really should go pickup Gloam. I hope my parents are okay.”
Author's Note
E/H/T
Also, minor clop warning.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
149-Home Sweet Ponyville Castle
After leaving Twilight's parent’s house, we all hightailed it to the train station. The mid morning to Ponyville was barely in motion before Twilight and I began to slump in our seats. The two of us had gotten very little sleep the night before and we attempted to nap on the train ride. Naps punctuated, of course, by Gloam’s questions about the sights we passed. Twilight bore the brunt of these interruptions: she knew the geography far better than I did.
When we reached Ponyville midday,a dreary winter rain was falling. But no amount of mere drizzle could dampen my enthusiasm to return home. A quick trot through town and we were home!
I had seen a few familiar faces on our lightning stop at Ponyville Castle before our rush to Canterlot, but there had been no time to talk to anypony or show Gloam around.
I was delighted to see the castle staff. Smythe had assembled them for our return. The ponies I had worked with last time I was here were thoroughly perplexed by how much I had changed.
“Speaking for all of us—” Smythe stood at the head of the entire staff “—welcome back, sir.”
“Thank you all,” I said, “it’s great to be back in Equestria with you all. And I’d like to introduce everypony to our daughter, Gloam Jet Sparkle!”
“Hi, everypony!” she shouted, while rearing so everypony could see her well. Not a bashful bone in her body.
There was a murmur in the group and I realized that to a pony they must all be wondering how I had come up with an eight year old filly in only eight weeks absence.
“Okay, listen here, ponies,” I explained, “I’ve been stuck on another world where time flows differently. It’s been some nine years for me since I last saw you all, and that’s why I’m up here trying not to cry ‘cos I’m so happy to be back!”
I grinned as I wiped back one tear that had escaped.
“But who’s the mother?” asked one of the cleaners.
“I am. The Princess and I were doing specialized research—”
“Just a minute!” Twilight shouted and then lowered her voice, “you know this all some very personal stuff to be just telling everypony.”
I kept my own voice low as I made my point.
“But dear, how else are we to explain the existence of our daughter? I’m not willing to deny giving birth to her.”
Twilight opened her mouth as she began to speculate on some convoluted tale to avoid disclosure.
“What if we said that—”
“Trust me Princess. For something like this the truth is so much simpler than any wacky story we could possibly concoct. And its better to give out the truth all at once than have rumors and guesses spread around and then try to do damage control once ponies have the wrong idea.”
Twilight thought about this for a moment.
“You’re right, but it still feels wrong that we should have to tell everypony what we do in private.”
“Arguably it’s our own fault for having a foal in such a nontraditional manner. But I am not ashamed.” I winked at her. “Ponies,” I addressed the staff, ready to lay it all on the table, “as I was starting to say, our research lead in some interesting directions. We were married in a private ceremony, very shortly thereafter we conceived and as a result, I am this lovely filly’s mother and my husband the Princess—” here I bowed to my beloved “—is our daughter’s father.”
All eyes turned to Twilight.
“I… I…” Twilight stammered and then squared her shoulders and raised her voice to formally declare, “I, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and Element of Magic, do claim and acknowledge now and forevermore Gloam Jet Sparkle as my lawful and legitimate heir and issue. Ponies: I present my daughter!”
The entire castle staff bowed: unicorns touching their horns to the ground, earthponies bending low, pegasi spreading their wings downward in reverence.
“Welcome, Lady Gloam Jet Sparkle!” they said in one voice.
My daughter grinned even larger than before.
Lady Gloam.
The style had a nice sound to it.
—
Everypony were returning to their tasks, but head gardener Ken lingered to talk to me.
“Welcome back.” He shook my hoof. “I kept that ‘rooster’ topiary you made, moved it behind the gardening shed where nopony will be offended.”
“Hah, let me know when you need me to work on the cat, et cetera, too!”
“I’ll pencil that in for ‘never’, unless we have some plausible deniability.” He looked around, made sure nopony was standing near. “So, uhm, did you like it?” he asked quietly.
“Being a mare for the Princess? Buck yeah! But that’s all I’m saying about it. Really mustn’t get bucked and tell.”
—
The next order of business was the grand tour; Twilight was showing Gloam around our home. Upstairs, downstairs, round and about through all the halls. After my long absence, it was a good refresher for me, too. Twilight led us past one hidden door without even slowing; Trixie’s spell was holding strong.
“There’re over eighty rooms! So many we even lost one.”
“Two, madam,” Smythe stated.
“Say what?” Twilight laughed.
“I believe we have lost another room since the last time you utilized that joke. I am unable to determine from where and confess myself to be quite baffled.”
Twilight was still laughing. “It makes a good joke when I’m giving the grand tour, but you can’t really lose a room!”
“Indeed, madam.”
“Indeed what?”
“Indeed, rooms are notoriously difficult to misplace but nevertheless it seems that two are missing.”
“I’ll look for them!” Gloam offered as Twilight moved ahead on the tour, “I’m great at secrets!”
“If your Ladyship is able to assist—” He retrieved a butterscotch from her ear as soon as Twilight had looked away, and passed it to Gloam with grave mock secrecy “—there are more where this came from.”
—
“I expect the girls will want to welcome you back as soon as they know you are here; we can tell them tomorrow. Or maybe later.”
Before I could wonder why Twilight sounded nervous about the prospect, a door opened and it seemed the ‘the girls’ already knew I was back. They were, in fact, already here.
“Group hug!” shouted Pinkie and I was tackled.
After the ponypile broke up I greeted them.
“Thank you ladies, thank you! I’m so glad to be back in Equestria. And I need to introduce you all to my daughter Gloam!”
“Of course we’re very eager to meet her,” Rarity said, “but first we need to have just a tiny little word with you.”
I was surrounded. All five now wore identical forced grins like a small herd of Stepford mares.
Whatever I had done to warrant this focused attention, I’d bear up under their scrutiny better with Twilight at my side. I tried to sidle over to stand by her.
Too late – I was cut off as Twilight ushered Gloam out via another door and darted through after her.
The fake grins vanished.
“Can I help you ladies?” I asked cautiously.
“We need to talk to you about how Twilight has treated you.”
“Please!” I said, “whatever can you be implying about the mare I love?”
Apparently Rarity was their chosen spokespony – none of the others spoke a word.
“We know everything.” Her voice was grim.
“Everything?” I squeaked in surprise.
“We made Twilight tell us everything.”
“Everything?” I repeated.
“The kicking. The emotional cruelty. The sexual manipulation. We have sworn to secrecy, but we have to know that the abusive behavior has stopped. Even if you forgive what has gone before, we will not allow our friend to act that way any more. If you tolerate further mistreatment we will present our case to the throne that you are not competent to be responsible for your own safety.”
“Secrecy you say?”
“We pinky promise not to breathe a word so long as there is no further abuse.”
“That’s not good enough. Swear by your marks.”
They grumbled, but eventually one after another they swore on their cutie marks.
“Okay now, if I know Twilight, she probably presented herself in the worst possible light, rather than offer excuses.” Their nods showed that they agreed with my assessment. “So you you need to take whatever she told you with a lick of salt. But more importantly…”
I took a deep breath. I really didn’t want to open up about this, but I’d have to trust their promises.
“My beloved Twilight didn’t tell you everything,” I said, “because Twilight doesn’t know everything. And I bind you by your oaths to see that she doesn’t find out from you. You see, the night I met Twilight I committed suicide. I swallowed almost a big hoofful of extra strength sleeping pills, more than enough to make sure I would never wake up. I met Twilight in the dream world, and when she kicked me I vomited the pills up in real life. When I woke in the hospital days after the overdose, I was still bruised from her kick, but the pills would have killed me. That, as they say, is the rest of the story.”
“Oh, my.”
“My point, friends, is that she saved my life; you own no leverage against Twilight. She’ll never act like that again, and I am much stronger than I was ten years ago when I met her.”
“I see,” she said, “that we are at a sudden impasse.”
“Check and mate, darling.” I patted Rarity’s cheek with a sassy, but not unfriendly, hoof. “But my victory is your victory too. Because we all want the best for Twilight, don’t we?”
Vigorous nods all around.
“Then I think we’re good here.”
I smiled broadly in conscious imitation of Twilight. I was almost confident enough to convince her friends.
“Trust me.”
—
And then Twilight and Gloam were back, having avoided the awkward confrontation. I had the pleasure of introducing my daughter to the five heroes, her father’s boon companions. Gloam made a good impression on them (how could she not?) and they decided en mass to adopt her as an honorary niece – this was after Pinkie squeeed for a solid three minutes without inhaling. By the time they were ready to go, Gloam had been promised a visit with baby otters, a treat at the bakery, a fitting for a bespoke dress, VIP tickets to the next Wonderbolts show, and I was scheduled to go do pruning at the apple orchard again.
—
“…and there’s a shrubbery in the garden shaped exactly like a wee-wee!”
At dinner Gloam was recounting her day’s discoveries.
“It was hidden behind a shed full of tools and junk. I couldn’t find any treasure or weapons or monsters in the shed.”
“I’ll have Smythe speak to the gardener,” Twilight promised after she finished choking on her soup.
“Please don’t make a fuss, dear,” I said, making a point to enjoy my soup as casually as possible. The broth had a pleasantly familiar taste. “It was merely a high spirited shenanigan, and truthfully the blame is mine not Ken’s”
“Ken?”
“Your gardener. A first class pony, and when I chose to try my hoof at topiary, he could hardly deny me. Sadly, misunderstandings ensued.”
“Really, dear?” Twilight returned to her soup.
“I think he was hoping for a rooster.”
Again she choked.
—
“Did you find any of the lost rooms?” I asked Gloam later that evening.
I hoped one particular lost room was beyond her ability; during our tour she had walked right past it without betraying any awareness of a hidden door. But perhaps the unknown other might be found.
“No,” she said, mumbling around a sticky mouthful, “I found the butterscotch.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
150-Mane Street, Ponyville
After a morning meal of pancakes and hayple syrup, Gloam and I set out to visit Ponyville and burn some calories from the towering stacks of breakfast disks we had consumed. Twilight was still busy with her homework: it would take her days to write, ‘I will not doubt my teacher,’ ten thousand times without using magic.
“Good morning, Geris, Angeny,” I greeted the guards on sentry duty at the drawbridge. As per official procedure, they stood almost as still as stone, but Angeny slightly cocked one ear slightly in friendly reply.
“Why don’t they say anything, Mom?”
“It’s required when they are on guard duty. They must remain silent and alert. Sleeping with their eyes open while standing at attention is strictly forbidden.”
“Can I make faces at them?”
“I’d rather you didn’t. They protect us, you should show some respect.”
“Begging your pardon, sir,” said Geris from the corner of his mouth, “it’s a time honored tradition for foals to make faces at the sentries. If we can’t maintain our composure, it’s on us.”
“I stand corrected.”
I smiled, thinking of what was coming next. No doubt they thought themselves too well trained to fear my filly’s antics.
“Gloam, that was your cue.”
“Do your worst, Lady Gloam.” Angeny said.
Both ponies drew themselves to even more rigid attention, steeling their demeanor to absolute implacability and like statues of unfeeling granite they stood immobile for all of three minutes before they cracked. By the time the garrison commander, Captain Armitage, arrived Geris was rolling on the ground and Angeny was leaning on the wall, laughing so hard her eyes were full of tears.
“What is going on here?” the captain demanded.
“By the Princesses, sir,” Geris said as he heaved himself upright, “Lady Gloam is killing us.”
Gloam had ended her routine as soon as Armitage arrived and now stood as placid as a Buddha.
“You’re going to be a pair of dead grade zeroes after failing to maintain your watch.”
“With respect, Captain, I’ve relieved them.” I fixed a hard stare on the horizon and scanned again for enemies. “The watch is uninterrupted.”
Armitage pondered silently for a moment. “Corporal,” he said thoughtfully, “and Private, relieve Mister Sparkle and continue your shift. You’ve both got a month of kitchen duty, but nopony’s getting busted down. And I better not hear either of you so much as farting on watch without written pre-authorization in triplicate.”
“Is a month of peeling spuds extreme, sir?” I asked.
“In the Roamin Empire, long before the Stellar Dynasty, they could execute a sentry for losing his cool on duty. I think K.P. is not so bad. Soldiers?”
“Sir!” they bellowed, “yes, sir!”
“It’s my fault, Captain,” said Gloam, “I should have gone easy on them.”
“I’ll tell you what, my lady, when you’re in Canterlot next, see if you can work your routine on some of the soldiers from Lila Hasten’s command. Her unit does guard duty for the princesses at Canterlot Castle. If you pull that off, I’ll give these two jokers a break.”
—
After crossing the drawbridge, we turned towards Ponyville but instead of the most direct route, I lead Gloam by way of the winding road which brought us to the top of the hill where Twilight had first brought me to Equestria.
My daughter drank in the view.
“Wow,” she said. “I don’t even want to remember where we used to live. This is a billion percent times better.”
“It is,” I agreed. “This is where Mommy got his first look at Equestria, up here on this hill.”
“Was it just like you imagined?”
“Much, much , better,” I said and started to point out the lay of the land. “So, you can see the road past the castle down there; one way leads to Ponyville, the other leads out to the crossroads, out of sight from here. The Ponyville road crosses the river at newbridge, but we’ll take the old high bridge today. That’s just the edge of town proper—” I gestured accordingly “—there beyond the river. The old road will join the Ponyville Road on the far shore, and take us right into downtown Ponyville where it turns into Mane Street. Most of the residential neighborhoods are on the far side of downtown, and the suburbs beyond that. The industrial district stretches along the river, around the bend, between the docks and the train tracks.”
“So let’s go!” Gloam exclaimed, and we did.
After the high bridge, and joining up with the Ponyville Road, the countryside gave way to city and soon we were on the largest avenue.
The weather had improved since yesterday, and even if it was cool, the rain had stopped and the clouds were breaking up. Ponies were out and about in town and I happily exchanged greetings and nods of acknowledgment with those I passed. I didn’t see anypony I knew by name, but surely I would eventually do so.
Having spent her childhood until this week in the big city, Gloam knew not to gawk, but she clearly wanted to look at everything, to touch everything. I walked slow enough that she could get a good look around without staring.
“Don’t even look at the bakery,” I said. “Honey is a good pony, but if Pinkie catches one of her regulars ‘fraternizing with the enemy’ there’ll be trouble.”
“Got it. Disguise?”
“That’s how I do it. Your father is phobic about quesadillas, so if you want to try Casa Quesa sometime, don’t ask her, but I’d be willing. This is Fleet Street—” a signpost on the corner backed up my assertion “—Rarity’s shop is just down that way.”
The next street was Apple Street, which I explained was, “named in honor of local agriculture and outside of town it turns into Appleranch Road and leads right to Applejack’s place. Hardware store on the corner, there’s the Rose Park, where—”
“Dragon!” shouted Gloam suddenly, pulling away from me and breaking into a gallop.
Spike was enjoying the pale winter sunlight with Spike Jr, when Gloam’s cry rang out, followed by the sound of her speeding hooves.
Thundering along the street, she raised her voice, “Let’s get it!”
He leapt into the air as Gloam jumped after him, snapping her teeth at his heels.
Holding his son close, Spike flew up to the street lamp and perched at the top.
“Tangent, uh, what’s going on, my pone?” he asked with a nervous laugh.
“Down, Gloam!” I shouted as she jumped again.
“I’ve never had a pony try to eat me before!”
“This is my daughter Gloam, Spike. She, uh, knows about your heart.”
“My heart?”
“She found out about the magical uses of a dragon’s heart.”
“Those are just old mares tales, it won’t really make you understand animals.”
“Those old mares are very well attested to, Spike.”
“Okay, it’s true, it’s true, but don’t expect me to cooperate!”
“I won’t let her hurt you. Y’hear me, Gloam, you may not attack Spike.”
“But, ma.”
“I’m serious, filly.”
The dragon looked skeptically down at the little filly.
“You promise not to eat me?”
“Not even your heart,” she grumped.
Spike hopped off of the lamppost and lit down to the ground, refolding his wings as he touched down.
Now that she could see Spike Jr., Gloam was enchanted.
“Oh, what a cutie!” she cooed. “Would you work for my spell, little guy?”
“Gloam!” I chided as Spike held Spike Jr. closer to himself.
“I ask merely for information.”
“If somepony asked ‘merely for information’ how you would taste cooked into an Irish Stew, do you think I would appreciate their humor?”
“No,” she had to admit.
“And I expect you to be respectful of others’ children. Nocreature wants to wonder if a threat to their offspring is real or not.”
“I’m sorry, Spike, and little Spike. I promise I won’t eat the neighbors, Ma.”
“Gloam, they’re not just the neighbors. Spike here is your father’s adopted son; that makes him your step-brother. So don’t even joke about eating Spike Junior, he’s family!”
“I have a brother?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess so!” Spike said. Clearly the idea was novel to him too. “Of course, if you wanna be magical about it, Mom is more than just a step-mom to me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry! In the show all she did was hatch your egg.”
“Show? Whatchew talking about? Yes, she hatched me, but there wasn’t even anything alive in that egg until she poured her magic into it. That’s why no previous candidate had been able to hatch the egg, it was infertile. Who I am is a result of her, just like you are probably kinda like your dad and kinda like your mom.”
“Woah. How’s the biology of all that work?”
“I dunno details, that’s not my field. As best I understand it, when the dragoness who would have been my mother laid an egg, it contained some of my father’s essence, but none of hers. When Mom’s magic spiked (like my name, hah!) and triggered the rainboom and all kinds of magic stuff all over Equestria, it also magically transferred some of her, er, reproductive essence into the egg and here I am.”
He gave a half-bow, careful not to disturb the infant in his arms.
“That is so bucking cool,” I said. “I didn’t know about any of that.”
“Buck, yeah!” interjected Gloam, thinking she would get away with the cuss, which would actually come home to roost later. “So a dragon laid your egg and my dad made it fertile?”
“Well sure, uh, sis. You don’t really think your dad laid an egg do you?”
“I wouldn’t put it past her.”
Spike and I laughed at this jaded observation.
“Legally, of course, she’s just my step-mom, because it took a while to figure out the whole deal with the egg and I was already adopted by that point and there wasn’t really any point in trying to do a bunch more paperwork to un-adopt me and get me recognized as her actual child. But we all know the truth and that’s good enough. I do sorta wish I had gotten the Sparkle family name when she adopted me, but she was just a filly and decided to call me Spike The Dragon. What kind of last name is ‘The Dragon’?”
“I think it’s catchy,” I said. “But then again, Spike Sparkle has some nice alliteration going on.”
“Spike, Sparkle, Spykle!” shouted Gloam, changing the vowel to a Wye to make it edgier.
“Ugh, no, please,” the subject of the spontaneous sobriquet supplicated. “I don’t want to be called that.”
“Not even by your adorable little sister?”
“Uh… uh…” Spike was nearly helpless in the face of Gloam’s charm attack. “I…”
“If you hate it so much,” Gloam said, “that word will never cross my lips again. You are too important of an ally to squander your good will just for the pleasure of bugging you. I’m sure I can find other ways to do that.”
“Thank you, I think. So, were you really saying that my mother is Gloam’s father ? I can believe it.”
“Yep.”
“How did— no, no, no. I’m not even going to ask. Only my Mom. So you must be Gloam’s mother, Tangent. I’m still not asking how that happens. It’s good to meet you, sister.”
Gloam solemnly shook his claw, then burst into a scamper, circling Spike and Spike Jr. shouting out, “Whee! I have a big brother now! Can you take me to the park when Mom and Dad are too busy? Can you buy me some smokes?”
“Big brother is grown up and married, but maybe you can come foal sit if you don’t alarm Rarity with talk of eating dragons.”
“My sitting rates are hella high.”
“Well, I don’t know about—”
“What about timberwolves?”
“Huh?”
“I’d demolish them like I did Canterlot Castle.”
“She only blew up one wall and some terrorists,” I assured Spike, “not the whole castle.”
“I heard there was an explosion at the castle, I didn’t know it was a little filly who was responsible.”
“Trust me, Spike, she’s not as little as she looks in real life.”
“You’re scaring me, dude. I knew Twilight was frantic to get you back to Equestria, Tangent. I didn’t know she had a foal with you!”
“Neither did she until just a few days ago.”
“Did she faint?”
“Almost. And I was ready to catch her.”
“So there must be some kind of chronological aberration with your world?”
“My old world,” I corrected him. “This is my home now. It’s been nine years since I left Ponyville, while I guess its been about two months here. I call the phenomena a timeslip. Nopony has told me I’m wrong, yet.”
“Timeslip. That sounds like an effective description; if there’s a better word for it, Glim would know; you should meet her.”
Before I could explain that I had met Starlight Glimmer but not had the chance to delve into time terminology with her, another pony approached.
“Any trouble, Mister The Dragon?”
It was Constable Conrad Copper.
“No trouble, sir, everything’s fine,” Spike said.
“There was report that you might have been attacked,” the cop said in his best officially neutral but disapproving voice.
“My little sister was a bit enthusiastic. No harm done.” Spike smiled and put a hand on Gloam’s shoulder; she turned on the charm on cue.
“I wasn’t aware that you had a sister.” A very charming sister; he was visibly easing up his strict tone. “Mister Akos, can you vouch for the miss here?”
“That’s Mister Sparkle, now, Conrad. My husband the Princess has made me an honest stallion and this is our daughter, Lady Gloam Jet Sparkle.”
“Hmm, Gloam Jet Sparkle,” he said, taking careful note of her appearance. “Mark: an accelerating six point star like her father’s. Is the ‘Lady’ a courtesy title?
“So far, yes,” I said.
“What’s that mean, Mom?” she asked.
“It means that you are styled Lady because your father is a princess. Once you acquire some peerages of your own, you will have your own titles.”
“Got it. I’ll get to work.”
I nodded solemnly to her.
For a moment the adults stared at me and Gloam as if we were crazy.
“Very well, good day to you sirs, and welcome to Ponyville my lady.”
The constable bowed quite properly as he took his leave.
“Anyway,” Spike said, “I’m glad you’re back, pone. Twilight won’t tell you this, but she was a mess while you were gone.”
“Anything I need to know?”
“Nothing to worry about. Just take good care of my Mom, try to keep her out of trouble.” Spike looked down on me with warmth and approval.
“What is it?” I asked.
“You and me, buddy,” he said, “belong to a very exclusive fraternity. Individuals who have done time travel, the long way, for love.”
“I guess so.”
“Yeah, bro. I’m sure it was rough, but worth it, am I right or am-I-right? Time for me and the little guy to head on home.”
“Good to see you, buddy. Gloam, I want you to promise Spike that you aren’t going to eat any dragon!”
“Mommmm,” Gloam whined at me, “aren’t there any evil dragons in this world? I promise to only eat evil dragons.”
“Well, uhh…” Spike didn’t want to admit it.
“Technically, yes there are. Spike, you know it’s true.”
“Okay, little sis, if I hear about any dragons so evil that they are fair game for you, I will let you know. You think she can handle a dragon hunt, Tangent?”
“Cry havoc and let slip the fillies of war,” I said.
“Rrrrrrrrrrrrr.”
Spike chuckled as Gloam growled and looked fierce.
“Honestly, if I do learn of any dragon outlaws, I’m going to want to take them down before they can damage the relationship between our species. Some of those jerks are just embarrassing.”
“Just like I would be embarrassed by a pony who indiscriminately devoured innocent dragons, ahem, ahem.”
“I get it, Ma.”
As the Spikes headed back towards their home, I continued showing Gloam around. We walked past a couple of department stores and then Town Hall. I waved at Mayor Mare, but
“And this,” I said, “Is Sugarcube Corner, where—”
The door swung closed and I was left out on the street where Mr. Cake was receiving a shipment of baking supplies.
“Give you a hoof with that, sir?” I asked as the delivery pony trotted away.
“Thank you, I’d appreciate that, mister… uh? We never got introduced when you were in town the other month.”
“Sparkle,” I said, to his clear surprise. “The Princess is now my husband and the filly who just abandoned her mother on the street is our daughter.”
Instead of explaining further, I grabbed a couple large bags of cake flour and followed him ‘round to the back entrance of the bakery.
“Say,” he asked, “that infernal concoction of Pinkie’s didn’t do you or the Princess any harm, did it?”
It had been one helluva an experience – as best I remembered we hadn’t gotten too badly out of control before reaching the privacy of her rooms in Twilight’s castle.
“None at all, we enjoyed it very much.”
“I’m glad to hear it. I’m an old fashioned pony, sir, and I bake old fashioned. I don’t have any truck mixing baking and magic.”
Mr. Cake led me through the bakery to the front where I might find my daughter.
“HeyMatheygotreallygoodstuffherecanwecomehereeveryday—” she didn’t even finish her all-run-together-without-hyphens question before she was off again and out the door.
Pinkie attempted to hide an empty super jumbo double demitasse, but her cheese eating grin said it all.
Without a word I raised a hoof to my gimlet eye and then pointed at her. Then I was after Gloam.
—
Catching up with my daughter, I decided that the best solution for this power surge would be to let her burn it off. We were heading out of town on the Forest Road and she could run until she was ready to stop.
By the time we reached Zecora’s home in the Everfree, she was slowing as the caffeine and sugar buzz faded.
“We missed them,” I said when I saw the hollow tree home carefully closed up for an extended absence.
“Where’d they go?”
“Zecora went to her homeland, Zebronica, and took Ishaz along with her. Still feeling jittery?”
“I’m shaky and really tired.”
“Okay, let’s head home. Try to make it that far.”
Together, we turned back towards the edge of the forest.
“Why is Isha a boy now?” Gloam asked as we walked along.
“I don’t know. Magic does weird stuff, sometimes. Or maybe Aphrodite had some part in the change. But I think he’s pretty happy.”
“Is he doing the grownup thing with Zecora?”
“That’s none of our business, sweetie, m’kay?”
But I hoped they were. If anybody deserved a happy ending it was my friend Ishaz.
—
By the time we reached the edge of the Everfree, Gloam was plodding along beside me, half asleep on her hooves. Urging her to stay awake a little longer, I led her to Fluttershy’s cottage and knocked at the door.
“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said when she saw us, “Mrs. Otter has been really nervous, we’ll wait a few more days before visiting the babies.”
Gloam was leaning against me, eyes closed.
“Actually, we were wondering if Gloamie could take a little nap on your sofa. Pinks fed her an espresso—”
“Quad,” Gloam mumbled without opening her eyes.
“—and she’s crashing hard now.”
“Oh, dear, I don’t really know a thing about foals. Now if she was a critter what I would do—”
“You’ll hardly notice her. And I can help with the animals to say thanks.”
Gloam didn’t wait for an invitation, she shambled past Fluttershy and collapsed on her sofa.
“Welp! Got any animal chores for me to do in the mean time?”
“No-o-o-o,” she lied transparently, “I’m all caught up at the moment. Maybe you’d like a cup of tea while she rests.”
“Thank you, I’d love that. Can I help with the tea things?”
Soon we were sipping at cups of herbal tea, made from herbs Fluttershy had gathered in the nearby forest. I paid especial note to the herb that had gone into my cup but not hers. It wasn’t long before the probing questions started.
“Now what’s this I hear,” she asked after a brief spell of small talk, “about a little thing between you and that nice Ishaz stallion?”
That caught me off guard, and I don’t think it was just the effects of the herbs. I was positive that Discord wouldn’t allow Fluttershy to interrogate Ishaz, so somehow she must have gotten her hooves onto Ish’ without Discord nearby to run interference. I mean, if she wanted to know about my relationship with Ishaz, it wasn’t really a big deal, was it? It was a pleasant afternoon and there was plenty of time to relax and talk about the good times I had had on Terra and Gallop with a lovely priestess.
But I had already settled on what I would say first. It seemed unnecessary now, but I had felt strongly about it when I was composing the words and I might as well follow through with whatever I had in mind just a moment ago.
It seemed kinda fuzzy, but, “well, Miss ‘Shy, I can tell you exactly one thing…”
Fluttershy was still too mortified to do more than squeak a sub-audible goodbye when Gloam and I left a little later.
The door was slammed and bolted behind us and I doubt she noticed that we turned back towards the forest instead of town.
—
“What’s this?”
I lay a green stem with a half dozen leaves before Twilight, on her writing desk. It hadn’t been easy to find.
“Er, that’d be blandwort. It’s not toxic, but it can lower a pony’s inhibitions if consumed, even in small amounts. Almost flavorless too, hence the name. It’s considered a pernicious weed due to the abuse potential, so if there’s any more where you found this, you should kill it.”
“I found a small patch, it looked well tended.”
“Ugh. Report it to the Royal extension agent (she has an office at city hall) and she’ll sterilize the entire patch and monitor the area for future sprouts. Any idea who’s growing it?”
I would report it as instructed, but might fail to mention the bunch of it now hanging to dry in my secret room.
“I have a pretty good idea. Fluttershy fed me some in a cup of tea and tried to question me about Ishaz. She seemed to already know something of our past.”
“Ugh,” she repeated. “She’s not a bad pony, but this is what comes from being so damn quiet. She wants to know everything about other ponies and isn’t good at just making friendly conversation, instead she knows how to weasel the truth out of them one way or another. Do you know about the time she attended a assertiveness seminar?”
“Maybe? How’d it go in real Equestria?”
“Before it was over, the nation’s top motivational speaker had sworn out a no-contact order against ‘Shy, and sued her to recover fees when an entire class demanded refunds, using his own assertiveness techniques.”
“Dang, it must have been bad!”
And another instance where the cartoon was wrong.
“She made him cry, on stage,” Twilight elaborated.
“Poor Iron Will.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” she said. “He’s a con-creature and a small time fraud. But, Ceesh, she was outta control. So, how much did you tell her? I know you loved Isha, I assume you still do love Ishaz, and I’m not threatened by it. But if it ends up in the Gabby Gums column—” Twilight shook her head “—I don’t need that shade.”
“I told her in no uncertain terms that Gloam, Ishaz, and I are all under your Royal Aegis and are not to be interfered with.”
“Oo. Nicely done, my colt! How’d she react to that?”
“She peed herself.”
Twilight gave a long chuckle of transgressive amusement.
“Not just a little ‘oopsie’,” I explained. “She stared at me in slack jawed numb horror and drained her bladder. I ate a cookie as it ran across the floor.”
“I love my team,” she said, “you know I do. Not the way you love Ishaz, of course, but each one of them is precious to me. That said, there isn’t one of them who doesn’t drive me stark raving mad at least sometimes.”
She picked up a quill to return to her work.
“And you were one hundred percent correct, all three of you are under my protection. If anypony tries to interrogate any of you, I will deal with them.”
“Thank you, Princess.”
But would she allow me to protect her when she needed me most?
“Speaking of ponies who are under my protection, where’s our daughter?”
“She is enjoying a consequence for cussing today.”
“How, pray tell, is she enjoying herself?”
“Assisting a couple of guards who are giving our esteemed culinary artiste’s scullery team a break until you tell her she can stop.”
“Oh, so it’s my day to be the nice parent, is it?”
“I’m sure that’s every day, my love.”
“I’ll rescue her in a little while, lemme finish this page.”
I kissed her cheek, careful not to disrupt her writing.
—
“How was your time in the kitchen?” I asked Gloam at dinner.
“Chef Voox said that I did grate!”
Her grin left me wondering whether the kitchen was still standing. But we had plates of food before us; it must have been cooked somewhere .
“I might need to consider increasing his wine budget,” Twilight mused. “If he gets much more ‘help’.”
—
Days later Twilight showed me the results of her efforts before shipping the pages to Princess Celestia in Canterlot. Hundreds of sheets, covered front and back with her tiniest hoofwriting. ‘I will not doubt my teacher’, ‘I will not doubt my teacher’, ‘I will not doubt my teacher’, over and over again.
I flipped through one of the stacks of paper.
“I pity the pony who gets assigned counting duty to make sure you didn’t miss any.”
“Pity the pony who wrote it,” groaned Twilight.
“Wait a second—” I held up a random sheet of paper “—number five thousand one hundred and thirty-seven says ‘I will not doodiehead my teacher. Start over!”
“I’ll noogie-head you, smart ass!” she cried.
Twilight chased after me and I fled, laughing.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
“You still haven’t said anything about the changes I had made,” Twilight said. “Did you even notice?”
“Er, how could I not?” I posed. “It’s been like a week.”
Before we left Terra Twilight had voiced a promise, or threat, to remodel the master suite bathroom in Ponyville Castle if we made it home alive. I didn’t give much thought to it at the time; in fact I wasn’t sure I remembered what inspired that line of thinking. By the time we had returned from Canterlot, the work was done.
“I gotta say, whoever did the work was fast. How’d you coordinate all this?”
“I sketched up the plans at Zecora’s, while you were still sleeping, and passed them off to Blaise when we stopped at the castle before rushing to Canterlot, and asked him to have it expedited. Of course, now I owe the other general contractor in Ponyville a project so nopony can say I played favorites. Anyway, how do you like it?”
“We-ell,” I stalled for a second to look around once more before replying to Twilight. “It’s definitely quality work, despite the speed, I can see that. The room layout is spacious and well lit, but not unnecessarily fancy. I like the heated natural stone floor. The free-standing sink is an interesting touch.”
“We can both wash at the same time!” she said brightly.
“Sure, as long as neither of us get nearsighted and find that the mirrors are too far away. The two-nozzle shower is great, and I don’t think I need to tell you how much I enjoyed soaking in the tub with you. All in all, it’s a very well thought out change. Maybe when you have solved ALL the friendship problems, you can take up architecture on the side.”
“Thanks,” she chuckled, “I’ll keep that in mind, you funny pony.”
I reached for a square and accidentally bumped her hoof.
“Scusa,” I said, and waited my turn. “Maybe a second toilet paper holder would be good.”
“I dunno,” she said, “I figured since you’re left hooved and I’m right hooved, we only needed one in between us.”
She flushed, a moment later I did too, and we washed our hooves together.
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
The last chapter of the year!
We started 02024 (late, due to focus on 3TC in January) with Tanna on the cusp of either suicide or adultery when suddenly Twilight returned. After sordid reunion, the rescue mission went off the rails and it took until September to make it back to Equestria. (September IRL, not story time. In story time, all of our 02024 spanned one week on Terra and fiftine days in Equestria.)
Now our Terran year ends as Tangent settles into his forever home and something like homeostasis descends. But don’t spool the end credits and closing song just yet! In 02025 we’ll experience: pleasure, pastry, pain, postage, pranks, plots, plot , portals, plants, potentialities, pinkness, and ponies, Ponies, PONIES!!!1! Eleventy!
Keep on commenting, everypony.
Luv ya all, it’s gonna be crazy!
151-Royal Tea
The invitation had been very specific. I was summoned to Canterlot Castle for coffee, cookies, and conversation with her highness Celestia.
Alone.
Strangely enough, the event would be called a ‘tea’, despite changing out the beverage for the sake of alliteration. Presumably our ruler’s sense of humor, there.
—
Canterlot castle was an imposing edifice, full of activity, scores of hallways and hundreds of rooms – not a place to get lost in.
The porter admitted me and was ready to let me find my own way; but when I hesitated he summoned a page to guide me.
He had shuddered when he saw who responded to the bell. In spite of this negative tell, Chester was an amiable colt, proudly wearing his junior-page uniform. He also tripped on his own hooves twice in a hundred metres.
“Do you like working here in the castle?” I asked him as I helped him pick himself off the floor.
“Oh, yes sir, it’s the greatest thing ever to happen to me.”
His smile was contagiously sincere.
“Well, Chester, I’d like to make a suggestion if you will pardon my insufferable impudence.”
“Of course, sir, what is it?
“Firstly you can dial back the ‘sir’, unless your boss is in hearing. I’m just a regular pony just like you. Second, I want you to take ballroom dance class – I think you’d do well to be a little more confident on your hooves.”
“I’m kinda a mess around the mares. Nervous and stuff.”
“All the more reason to spend some around some ladies in a non-threatening setting.”
“I dunno, do you really think that would help me?”
“If I’m wrong, you may find me in Ponyville and I’ll reimburse you for the classes. I think you will find that it helps in many ways.”
“Thank you for the suggestion, I’ll try it. Here we are.”
I paused outside the door. One of the guards standing there was the pony I had fought beside during the coup attempt.
“Good to see you up and about soldier.”
“Uh, he can’t chat when he’s on duty,” my guide offered.
“I know that, Chester, my friend. But I am glad to see that he is well enough to be on duty, and I would be remiss not to say so even if he may not reply.” I lowered my voice to a conspiratorial tone that was still loud enough for the guard to hear. “PFC Lamminata was one of the ponies who helped us protect their Highnesses, Princess Luna and Twilight.”
He didn’t so much as twitch a muscle, but without movement Lamminata seem to grow taller with pride.
“Oh, wow!” Chester said. “I hope he’ll tell me all about it when he’s off duty!”
—
I was deposited in a small meeting room where a table was set for coffee, a fresh pot steaming; cookies and sweets waiting. In a moment of harmless OCD I counted thirty six treats on the tray, precious and delicious looking. I wondered if I had time to snack one down before the princess arrived.
But I was only kept waiting a moment before Celestia entered. I didn’t know what to expect; would she be cold and formal, would she still only thinly veil her opposition to my presence in Equestria? I stood and bowed, crumbs on my chin and butterflies in my stomach. Instead she smiled and everything was completely right.
“Welcome, Tangent.”
Her voice, now gentle, matched her smile and serenity swept over me like all the strain and angst and challenging details of being were suddenly so much smaller in the face of her divine compassion. My looming fears anent this meeting were suddenly receding from me.
Her horn lit up and golden magic surrounded the coffee pot; without asking she dropped two sugars in a cup and filled it, leaving no room for cream. A further glow surround the cup, floating it to me; Celestia paused for my approval.
I sipped carefully.
“Perfect, Princess, thank you.”
“Help yourself to as many cookies as you’d like. Though I do see that the dessert kitchen has shorted me again.” Her beautiful smile didn’t flicker for even an instant. “I’ll have their heads for this.”
“Uh, no, your Highness, it was me! They didn’t do anything wrong, I prithee slay them not for my sins. I’m sorry!”
Good humor flashed across her face, but she only said, gently, “My pastry chef’s neck is safe, as is yours. I was jesting, my dear little pony.”
“Uh, so was I, Princess,” I said, lamely.
Now she laughed and I stared awkwardly at the steam rising from my coffee cup as she poured her own.
“Tangent Sparkle,” she said at last, “I’ve asked you here—”
There was a rapid knock and Luna stuck her head in the door. “Sister, sister! Art busy?”
«Can thy need wait?» Celestia spoke to her sister in the Pnakotic adjacent language that Twilight had called Pre-Equiik.
«Yes, of course, but we must tell thee of the dreams, the dreams, the dreams have changed again!»
«We must hear thee, but later, we thank thee for thy patience. This is the first time we have had to have a quiet talk with our friend here and we would fain show him that we art not alltimes the bitch—»
«Highnesses!» I interrupted in the same language «I beg thou, utter not thy inner secrets nor speak over frankly, thy servant understands thee»
“Would you please have a seat with us, Luna dear? The situation changes.” Celestia spoke modern Ponish again. “I can call for some decaffeinated coffee if you like.”
“Gladly, we join thee, siſter. But we will content ourſelf with the good coffee. Beans robbed of their sacred chemiſtry are beneath our dignity, even nigh our slumber time. Black, so pleaſe þee—”
“—like the night,” Celestia completed the sentence with a smile as she poured a third cup. “Now Tangent. Let us table the Jeris incident; we can discuss that little fuss when Luna and I call upon you and Twilight some time soon. For now— ah, yes, Tangent?”
“Princess, I was really hoping to know what has been learned about the attack and rebels.”
“Denied, sir. As you will learn, the Justice Department goes to great lengths not to include the ponies involved in a crime with the investigation thereof. If they have more questions for you, be assured they will ask. That, you see, was going to be the entire gist of our discussion today: explaining that we would in fact not be discussing the details, and allowing time to deal with your objections. If you do in fact wish to object, you can do so later. Today, however, you will please explain how you come to know Pre-Equiik. I can count the number of ponies who know that dire language on my hooves. Three of those ponies are sitting in this room. Did Twilight teach you?”
“No, Princess, I did not learn from Twi’. On the world of my birth I was a scholar and a librarian, a research librarian at the greatest library on the world. We had custody of documents that predate the genesis of the human species. I am one of a the few scholars who can read as well as speak the language of the Pnakotic Fragm—”
“Tangent!” Celestia interrupted me “As you honor the throne I command that you never speak that word in Equestria again!”
“Your pardon, your pardon, I beg you. I did not know it was forbidden! Please know that while the existence of the, uh, fragments is a secret, the word has never been one that we few who know it are loath to say.”
“Mayhap your reach of the universe is older and such primal ills lie more distant. But we hold it unwell to name the ur-genitors.”
“Name it, an thou doſt claim it,” said Luna quietly.
“I shall obey, your Highness.”
“And what are these ‘fragments’?”
“Scraps and tatters of original writings in the Pre-Equiik language. Millions of years old; I studied them extensively.”
“Does Twilight know you speak such an exclusive tongue?”
“Yes, she knows.” I smiled at the memory of surprising Twilight with my knowledge.
“Tell us,” said Luna kindly, “what brings the secret smile to thy muzzle.”
“She called me a «stupid monkey» thinking I would not understand her words, and I told her that «the stupid monkey lives only to serve her Highness» She was somewhat taken by surprise.”
Twilight’s blush had been entirely charming.
“I dare say!” said Celestia thoughtfully. “May I inquire as to why young Princess Twilight should address her beloved with such unflattering terms of endearment?”
“Um, suffice it to say, Princess, I can be most trying at times and I hope my behavior is somewhat improved and such trials are well and truly behind Princess Twilight and I.”
“Thou doſt prevaricate poorly,” Luna observed, “though ‘tis credit to you that you strive to shield Twilight. Truſt us, we have have no illuſions as to whether she be perfect or neigh.”
For a moment I forgot where I was. “…yeah, she’s perfect,” I sighed.
Celestia’s laughter recalled me to the present.
“Thy devotion pleaſes us,” said her sister.
“Pardon me, my mind wandered. Lest I be guilty of lying by omission, its only truthful to mention that my daughter knows a smattering of ‘Pre-Equiik’ too.”
Celestia frowned. “That's not a good thing to put in a young foal’s head.”
“I’m sorry your Highness. In our old home, the knowledge was not considered so dangerous.”
“I understand. Have you and Twilight discussed having Gloam join the School for Gifted Unicorns at the Royal Academy of Magic?”
“Yes, we would be honored if our daughter may study magic under you.”
“It remains to be seen how much personal tutelage I deem she needs; but that academy is regardless the best place for a youngster with her strength. Do you understand that judging the amount of power she was able to evoke, she is likely to be an important unicorn? Ponder that, if you please. But now, if you will please come with me, there are some ponies waiting to have a word with you.”
Celestia stood and led the way before I could inquire. We seemed to be heading towards the throne room; the sisters stopped by a double door, magicked it open, and gestured me forward.
As I stepped through, Celestia shouted out, “Behold, everypony, the stallion who has turned Equestria veritably upside down!”
For a split second I saw hundreds of angry ponies filling the throne room to capacity. Attempting to bolt from the room I found the hall behind me blocked by the sisters. Turning again to face the attack I realized that the strong emotion on the faces of the ponies before me was not anger.
It was…
…eagerness to meet…
…me?
Faster than I could recite paragraph two of the amended third addendum to the Magellanic codicil on the Galactic Council’s Affirmation Of The Rights Of The Sophont (the entirety of which reads, in Standard Terran, “Play nice.”) I was swarmed by stallions wanting to shake my hoof or clap me on the back. Calmer, but no less excited were the mares growing large with foal; their quiet smiles full of secrets, their very flesh aglow with mystic duality.
Everypony was talking at once and I could only pick out fragments of speech.
“…so excited…”no …”
It was overwhelming, hundreds of couples, each with their own unique story.
And each story had its own magic – none of this should have been possible.
“Not everypony was able to come on short notice,” Celestia said, “but here are some five hundred of the ponies affected by an unknown magic.”
As they mingled I could see which mare was with which stallion as clearly as if a dotted line connected them.
“Attention, everypony!” Celestia raised her voice. “Mister Tangent Sparkle would like to say a few words to you all.”
“Thanks, your Highness,” I forbore to grumble as the room quieted down.
“Hello everypony!” I tried to think fast what to say.
“Many ponies have asked how this happened – the how is a matter for further research. Based on what the Princesses have told me, it should have been impossible.” Carefully I skated between verity and mendacity that neither Truth nor the goddess would find cause to reproach me. It was true enough that the arcane investigation so far has been inconclusive; on another hoof what the Princesses might tell me would be significantly different were I able to first tell them all that I know. “But regardless of the specifics of how, I want you all to know I am almost as excited as you are.”
“Sir! Sir!” one of the stallions called, “was your family affected too?”
“Please,” I answered, “just call me Tangent. And yes, we were affected too. I spent some time on another world with a different time flow, so my foal is already eight years old. She’s the filly who blew up the wall behind you.” Structural repairs were complete, but the scaffolding remained and there was still cosmetic work to be done.
“Eight years old already?” one mare asked.
“Then… who was the mother?” another asked, before I could answer the first.
“Um, I am! Princess Twilight and I swapped things around a little!”
“You might have kept some of that under your hat, Mister Sparkle,” Celestia remarked quietly.
“Nopony told me to conceal any of this and I not ashamed of my time as a female, no matter what I endured. Your Highness, while Twilight and I conceived our daughter under your watchful eye, every pony in this room,” I gestured wide to include them all, “was doing the exact same thing. Every mare here is my sister, every stallion my brother.”
“And your magical excursion into Twilight’s power united the thousand in strange brotherhood. So be it, I will leave you now. Thank you for coming to tea.”
“Thank you, your Highness,” I said and bowed.
“Was there something more you wished to say?” Celestia asked.
“Only,” I said, “next time instead of having coffee, cookies, and conversation in Canterlot Castle for tea, might we have tea, treats, and talk in the teleosolar tower for coffee?”
Apparently I caught Celestia off guard.
“Eh-what ?”
“Symmetric alliteration, sister, he hast reversed thy joke,” Luna explained. “Instead of consuming C-things for convivial tea, he has tendered taking T-things together for coffee, flipping your alliteristic absurdism upon itself.”
“And I see what you did, too, Luna. Whose side are you on, sister? Ah, well thank goodness Twilight’s mate is interesting, perhaps next time we shall switch it up. Good day, Mr. Sparkle.”
I bowed again as she left. As the door closed behind her, I returned to the pleasant pastime of getting to know some of the ponies affected by a magic nopony could understand.
“Everypony,” I addressed them all, “here is a suggestion I’d like to make about naming the foals…”
If ponies agreed with my plan… yeah this was gonna be great.
—
“Under thy watchful eye?”
Pacing beside her sister, Luna questioned Celestia on a detail Tangent had revealed.
“Aye.” Celestia groaned. “Unfortunately.”
“Thou did allow us to believe that you arrived after, ahem, the deed was accomplished.”
“Mostly to spare thee the sordid details. We found them enswapped and ready to embark upon ‘the deed’, as it were. Whereupon we commanded that Twilight remove her princely rod from our presence, meaning that she should restore her well ordered gendation, and she did rather plant the obscene might of her loins forthwith out of sight into Tangent’s coynt. By the time we cast him forth to his home to separate the two, she did, as all have seen, leave somewhat of her masculine self behind.”
“The filly is a delight, and we would think so even an she did not save our own life. But, er, Sister, is not that rather ahaste for the act?”
“Indeed, my virgin dove, it is. The act of congress should properly take far longer than a scant hooffull of seconds. But, we will allow, there are certain circumstances wherein one might forgive a male his undue speed. Having been a female until moments before may well qualify as legitimate excuse for such a nigh instanter release.”
“We see.”
“What was it you wished to tell me? Something about the dream world?”
—
On my way out of the castle I stopped to speak again with the head porter.
“Yes, sir?” he asked.
“About young Chester…”
The porter slapped a hoof to his forehead and grimaced.
“What has he done now?”
“…an excellent colt, sir, excellent! It was a pleasure meeting the young fellow.”
“That pentalevous dolt? He’s clumsy enough for any two and a half ponies,” was the dour reply.
“Nonsense, my dear chap, uttermost codswallop. I expect good things from him and I’m certain you will keep me posted.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Author's Note
Let’s start 2025 off with something crazy, mkay? Mild clop warning.
152-Premonition
Twilight and I were making love when a premonition of trouble sent a riffle of unease along my back.
“Who’s on call right now?” I asked without moving my forehooves from her hips.
Twilight straddled me, her wings spread like an angel of carnal pleasure as she rode my cock.
“Wh-ughn-y?” she asked.
“I just feel like something’s going wrong somewhere out there in the night.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not on call, baby, it’s still—” the door to our bedroom burst open “—her turn.”
“Twilight, Twilight! Big Bad has the McGuffin! And! And!”
“Stop,” Twilight commanded.
I stopped thrusting myself upwards into my beloved’s encompassing warmth.
“And! And!” The Pink One continued to chant as she ricocheted from wall to ceiling to floor to wall to floor to ceiling to wall.
“Not you, Tangent, don’t stop. Pinkie, you stop.”
“And—”
Pinkie ceased to and and I began moving my hips again.
“At least it wasn’t our daughter this time, just keep going.”
“Yes, Princess.” I closed my eyes to block out the fact that we were not alone, and focus on the tactile sensations. Heat. Wetness. The rhythmic impacts as I drove up into her and she slammed down on me. At this point I didn’t even care that we had an audience.
In moments, the fluttering muscle tension wrapping itself around my cock told me that Twilight was on the verge of massive orgasm despite the intrusion and distraction.
“Look into my eyes while I come,” she said, trying to salvage the intensity of the moment with her sultry request.
I ignored the intruder and turned my face upwards, opening my eyes to bare my very soul into the deep pools of Twilight’s beautiful eyes and found myself getting a huge mound of fluffy pink mane in my face instead.
“Not you, Pinkie!” Twilight squawked, “I meant Tan-an-aaaaaaaan-gent! Oh! Oh! Oh!” Twilight’s climax wasn’t waiting and her cry dissolved into nonverbal ecstasies as she humped up and down upon on me.
Pinkie’s mane smelled of tutti frutti and tickled my nose. All in all it was a bit of a mood killer for me despite my spouse’s loud outburst. My build up faded away unreleased, even as Twilight peaked.
At last Twilight spoke.
“Well, that was the weirdest orgasm I’ve ever had.”
It was the weirdest spoiled orgasm I’d ever had, I reflected as Twilight hovered off of me and lit down beside the bed.
“Well, let’s go Pinkie,” she said, “We’ll get your damned McGuffin back before the contrived and arbitrary deadline. This better not be be an extra long Very Special Episode, some kind of new year horror. You won’t be Last Mare if it is.”
“Wait, Twilight,” Pinkie objected, “aren’t you forgetting something? You didn’t get him off!”
I was still sprawled on the bed, catching my breath, already softening.
“Look at him,” Twilight said, “I think you kinda ruined it for him. I’ll have to try to make it up for him later—”
“I can help!”
“—with no help from you, Miss Pie, thank you very much.”
—
I woke to Twilight’s kiss, her lips soft on mine, her tongue sweet and probing. In seconds I was ready to forget that we had been interrupted at all. Mouth to mouth, we started to pick up what had been left off. Pleasure mingled with pleasure, her kiss filled my awareness completely, and the mouth stealthily encompassing my cock barely registered on my distracted attention. Her touch was my world and—
The what ?
If Twilight was kissing me, then whose mouth had just transitioned from stealth to full on slurp-it-all-in mode?
“Nnnn! Nnnn! Nnnn!” I vocalized as best I could, unable to speak with two tongues in my mouth and her lips pressed hard against mine. A third tongue wrapped itself around my shaft and then the unknown fellator or fellatrix got to work.
Twilight raised her head in concern.
“Tangent, what’s wrong?”
She had sprawled across me, pinning me down. As I writhed she looked behind herself and saw the pink head now bobbing vigorously at my groin.
“Pinkie, stop that!”
Pinkie didn’t stop that. She had a tongue like an electric weasel and she liked the taste of a stallion’s medial ring. I was getting pretty hard whether I wanted to or not.
“Pinkie, get your mouth off my wife!”
With a flair of rose magic, and a sound like a cork popping, Pinkie was pulled off me and into the air.
“Dammit, Pinkie, what the dick is wrong with you? I said no, that’s for me!”
“Sorry, Princess! But good news, he still tastes like you, he didn’t find somepony else to bang while you were gone!”
Twilight closed her eyes in frustration and shook her head. Still floating midair, Pinkie shook as well, the sweeping arc of her movement following the shaking of Twilight’s head. Damn near took out the ceiling light.
“How. in. the. BUCK! would you know what I taste like? Did you orally rape me while I was asleep?”
“You really need to wash your dildo after you use it, Twilight.”
“Yes, Pinkie, you are right, my bad. I will learn from my mistake and I will do better.” She lowered her head, as if in shame, then raised up again, eyes flashing. “But what kind of freak finds a used dildo and thinks to taste it?”
Pinkie stuck her tongue out and shrugged. After a revelation like that, I didn’t want to imagine what wouldn't she taste.
“Tangent. This is the kind of friend we have to put up with in our line of business. Do you still love me?”
“—” Pinkie tried to interject. Twilight’s magic held her mouth closed now.
“Of course I love you, forever, Princess. And I forgive our friend, even if she did just sexually assault me.”
Twilight shut off her magic and Pinkie plopped to the floor.
“Shall I have her flogged for you?”
Pinkie perked up eagerly.
“I’m not willing to risk her liking it,” I said, “Maybe just send her to a sexual consent class.”
Pink ears drooped.
“Oo, harsh!” Twilight appreciated the impact of my suggestion. “Nopony’s going to get off on that.”
“That’s mean!” my assailant protested. “Didn’t it feel good?”
“Pinkie, it felt great and I only want to feel great that way with Twilight. You should ask first, so a little refresher on consent’ll do you good.”
“Aw, are you serious?” Pinkie whined.
“Do you really doubt us?” Twilight demanded. ”I’ll put the orders in writing as soon as I’m done trying to make up to Tangent for the interruption.”
“But Princess…” Pinkie pouted.
“I suggest you impress me by having your class scheduled, and train ticket to Canterlot in hoof, before I get the paperwork formalized. Tangent, before we continue do you mind washing the Pinkie off your…?”
“Yes,” I said, “I’d prefer that.”
—
A dejected pink mare made her way home through Ponyville’s least safe alleys, hoping for trouble.
Trouble, for the most part, knew better and kept its distance.
Trouble hadn’t sworn out a no-contact order for nothing.
Pinkie’d have to make her own trouble.
Failing that, perhaps there might be a stale baguette or eight at the bakery.
—
“Well,” asked Twilight one helluva blowjob later, “how do I compare?”
I kissed her muzzle before responding.
“Got it,” I said now that the last drip of splattered semen was licked off her face. “Compare what?”
“So, how am I at sucking dick compared to Pinkie?”
“Oh, there’s really no comparison.”
“Really? She’s that good‽ I gotta learn the secrets! I’m gonna let her do you after all, so I can study her technique.”
“No! I mean you! She doesn’t compare to you, because I love you.”
“Oh, I see.” Twilight looked thoughtful. “I mean, she probably has more practice than anypony in Ponyville.”
“Don’t care.”
“I guess Berry Punch might have technically beat her, but I’m not sure how much of it she’s been sober enough to remember.”
“Twilight, all I want is my very own pony princess, my one and only, you.”
“You’re so sweet,“ she said as she guided my face to her crotch. ”But if you ever change your mind about that, I’m sure she’ll consent to almost anything.”
“Maybe she’ll settle down someday.”
“We can only hope! What can I say, Pinkie’s a little neurodivergent.”
“I’ve heard of ‘neurodivergent’, but she’s more a case of ‘wakka wakka wakka clang’!” I said and dove in.
“Tanget?”
“Hmm?” I didn’t want to disengage enough to speak words.
“You might be even weirder than she is.”
I pulled back long enough to say, “that’s fine, Princess, as long as my weirdness doesn’t drive you away,” and returned to task.
Twilight rested her forehooves gently on the back of my head. She didn’t push me down, it was just a feather light touch as I enjoyed giving her pleasure.
“Nothing,” she promised, “ever will.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Desiring an opportunity to meet more ponies, I’d canvased Ponyville in search of employment and accepted a part time job. I was working at a home delivery business, doing ponies’ shopping and pulling carts of goods hither, thither, yon and gone. It was unfortunate about the company’s name, alliteration taken a bit too far, but that was the least of my worries.
Within a week I knew most of the business owners in town and had met scores of individual residents. When a shopping list arrived from a customer, I tracked down the requested items at various Ponyville merchants and delivered them; business was brisk enough that I was usually had two or three orders to fill at any given time. It kept me busy, let me meet ponies, and gave me the wherewithal to service my outstanding debt while I waited for distilling royalties to start rolling in.
On the days that I worked, I took the early shift whenever I could. That left my afternoons open for adventure!
Cutting through one of Ponyville’s quaint, winding, alleys on a cold, dark, morning a scruffy stallion stepped into my path. Maybe adventure was also on the early shift today.
“Deliverin’ tha valuables snapwise be,” he said, “and don’ dast gaze ‘pon me face.”
I drew and studied his face across the sword I held pointed at him.
“Ballsy one, are ye, our lad-o? Best be droppin’ tha wee cutter afore ye git hurt.”
His confident swagger could be backed up by ability, or bluster. The one skill Leon had not imbued upon me was surrendering to mere flash.
Apparently he didn’t recognize me, but I’d seen that bug-eyed so and so before, and said so.
“You look exactly like the piece of shit on the wanted posters all over town.”
An old mare had been robbed recently. So desperately had she held onto her purse that her foreleg had been put out of joint before the blackguard responsible had adopted the expedient of cudgeling her.
“So tha ken of us, eh. Us shouldna ha’ allowed thum harridan her life. Us’d’ve bin warnin’ yon staggery cock-chiller to keep a lid on it, if she’d not taken her a wee street kip.”
“Because you beat a mare old enough to be your great grand-mare unconscious!”
Buck me sideways if he didn’t chuckle.
“I’ll be honest with you. I don’t like killing.” I kinda surprised myself with my own vehemence. Robbing ponies was distasteful at the best of times; beating a senior citizen was foul. “But you’ve just about convinced me to make an exception. Surrender, and I’ll be forced to haul you to the constabulary. Otherwise you’re going down right here.”
One hoof went to his belt, but he didn’t draw yet, and I didn’t look away from his crazy eyes.
“Garbage pickup is tomorrow,” I said, “if I stuff you in a dumpster nopony is going to smell you.”
Somepony had lost an entire wagonload of turnips to green rot – the dumpster containing them leaked foul ooze. Terrible waste of a terrible vegetable, but it would serve my purposes.
“Aye and when us gits out, comin’ f’r tha, be. Mayhap us be findin’ tha family firstwise. Tendersome buckworthy young uns, gots tha?”
“Are you bucking stupid in addition to being stupid?,” I retorted. “You’re not getting out because you’ll be dead.”
That might not have been my original plan, but plans change. For example, when he threatened my family, that changed my plans.
With a flourish he drew steel, a bit more than a dagger a bit less than a short sword.
I judged him as holding the weapon as if he knew pretty well how to use it. On another hoof, the crazy eyes gave him a look like the kind of pony who would try to distract you with his knife while he tries to get close enough to attack with his teeth. But I didn’t plan to let him close in where he could use either mode of combat: he had presented me with an opportunity to try out a spell that had supposedly been rendered obsolete by modern protective magic. Everypony, the book had misstated, took precautions against this spell.
The scent of burning began to compete with rotten vegetation. The mugger sniffed the air trying to find the source of the new smell. Finally he found it – and dropped his knife. The blade was already glowing a dull red and his hoof had been badly burnt before he had noticed the pain. Funny how a distraction can work.
This would have a perfect chance for him to surrender and put me in the hotseat for my use of magic. Instead he lunged, and fell back mortally wounded.
“In your next life,” I said, sword ready despite the fact that he would obviously be hitting the ground very soon, “don’t let the anti-magic charm on your sword expire.”
“Arsebuggers!” The epithet lacked conviction, sapped as he was by the injury. “Undid, feckin’ amateurwise, us be. Better ‘tis us dinna pay thum fecking tinkermage’s due f’r a shitecoddled excuse of a cantriping.”
Blood loss was getting to him and he staggered, leaning against the makeshift hearse that would eventually bear him to the improvised burial ground known as the Ponyville Landfill.
“Tell me where the old mare’s stuff is and I’ll make this quick.”
“After fightin’ thudsome hellcatwise, auld bitch didna have sanglier bent bit upon her. Off yon bridge flingsie, with a cobble init, thum sinken be.”
“Right.”
I kept my promise and make it quick.
—
“Excuse me, Boss.”
I was stopping off at dispatch between deliveries and Gallry was drifting through the office like he hadn’t a care, or a thought, in the world. He made a point of hiring self motivating ponies and as far as I could tell the business ran itself.
He wafted over to me with a musically nonverbal questioning noise.
“Hmmmm?”
“I was wondering about taking up a collection to take a load of groceries to the old mare who got robbed last week. The paper said she’s out of the hospital, but I’m guessing she’s probably feeling pretty rough from the the beating she got. And to judge from the fight she put up, she must have had all her money in the purse that was stolen.”
It wouldn’t do to let on that I knew how poor she really was – I didn’t care to explain how I gained that knowledge.
“Hey, sure, that’s a really nice idea, Tangent. It really is, but you know she doesn’t really have a lot of friends. Or maybe any. I’m not sure you’ll have much success with a fundraiser for her.”
“It can’t be that bad, can it?”
“I know you’re new to town, but I grew up here and I don’t know what the reason is, but she’s always been alone.”
“A lonely old widow right here in Ponyville?” I muttered. “That should have been in the show, and with a friendship mission.”
“Eh, what?”
“Nuthin’, Boss,” I said. My mind was made up. “I’ll buy her some groceries myself.”
“Whoah, pone, I’m telling you that everypony knows—”
“My husband,” I interrupted, “is the Princess of Friendship. If I have to pick between what ‘everypony knows’ and friendship, then in Twilight's name, I pick friendship!”
I think I snorted as I delivered that pronouncement.
“Okay… pone I believe in you. If you feel that strongly about it, I’ll split the cost with you.”
“Cool, let’s go!”
“Hold yourself a second. It’ll take me a day or two to find out from shopkeepers what she usually buys when she does her own shopping. Can we wait a little and do this right?”
“Uh, sure.” The delay would give me a chance to investigate the riverbed under the bridge. “Thanks, boss. I don’t give an airborne sexual assault on a reciprocating pastry about the bits—”
“A what?”
“A flying buck through a rolling donut. I don’t care about the money, but I think it will do you good to share in this success after being proven wrong.”
“What am I wrong about?”
“You said she doesn’t have any friends. We’ve just demonstrated that she has two .”
—
I had learned that the delivery service catered primarily to two types of customers. There were those who could not do their own shopping due to age or infirmity; we provided a critical lifeline for those ponies. Then there were those who just didn’t have time whether they led a chronically busy life or just needed to save some time for a particular event; if they paid slightly higher delivery fees than those who had no choice, well so be it. Additionally, as a very small third group, there were the occasional pranksters.
“I’m sorry,” the mint green mare was saying as she edged away from the delivery I had proudly presented to her, “I definitely did not order custard and a dildo.”
The custard was some of Ponyville’s best, fresh made this very morning. The dildo was a rather striking example of such an apparatus. The tip curved slightly in a manner unlike human or pony. After a discreetly understated corona, the shaft twisted its ridges down to a distinct narrowing, possibly allowing it to be conveniently captured depending how it was used, before the harness-compatible suction cup at the base. The texture was firm and fleshlike and seemed almost as if it had some faint magical warming applied to it.
“Dunno, Miz Heartstrings, the address has your name on it, so somepony must have sent it to you.”
“I don’t want them.”
“It’s all paid for, so you could at least enjoy the custard…”
“Is the custard safe?”
“I picked it up fresh at Honey Bun’s bakery and dessert shop. If there is anything wrong with it, she has a serious food safety issue on her hooves and could be shut down. I don’t think she would risk her business for a prank.”
“Does anypony know about this?”
“Obviously whoever set it up knows. I know but won’t tell, my dispatcher knows, but she operates under the same customer privacy rules as I do. The mare at the sex shop knows that I picked an item up, but she has no way of knowing who it was destined for. Heck, I haven’t actually picked up deliveries at her shop before, she might think I bought it for my own personal enjoyment.”
“Okay, custard for dessert tonight. Can you discreetly dispose of the—”
She shook her hoof at the pink and white spiraled toy.
“Certainly, ma’am.”
“If I was interested in being penetrated, I wouldn’t have married a mare!”
“I take it that you have indeed been the victim of a prank, and I apologize for our firm’s unwitting part in it.”
“No hard feelings. So do you ponies really deliver absolutely anything ? I guess I’ve seen the evidence with my own eyes, right?”
“That’s right, G.G.G.G.G.S. can do your shopping for you, no matter what you need! Let me grab you a brochure.” I stowed the dildo in the wagon’s locker when I retrieved an informational packet for Lyra. “Later, big guy,” I whispered to it.
I gave Lyra the brochure and continued on my route.
—
So it went. Soon Ponyville ponies got used to seeing me about my work, and thus I established a modus for my eventual operandi .
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Two more stops after Lyra’s place I was on the way home. I met Gloam outside the castle – she was returning from the forest with leaves and twigs in her mane. I panicked briefly, worried somepony or something had attacked her.
“What happened to you?” I asked, considerably calmed once I saw that she was not in distress.
“I found a plant out in the woods, it smells good.”
“And so you just naturally rolled in it?”
A rather compelling scent was wafting off of my daughter – her reaction to the herb she had found was starting to make sense.
“Really good,” she insisted.
I sniffed again.
“Okay, I can kinda understand why you might do that, but we should find out if it’s safe. Let’s ask your father.”
—
“Twilight, Twilight, Gloam’s gone and rolled in some plant she found—”
“Am I going to die?” Gloam interrupted with characteristic bluntness.
“—and we would like to inquire if it is safe.”
“Must be—”Twilight took a breath, sniffing the air around our daughter, then exhaling to take another deep hit of the aroma“—yeah, yeah,horsemint. It’s like catnip for ponies.”
“Is it safe?”
“Yes, it’s safe. Mildly soporific, more than a hooffull of it will prevent memory encoding, utterly impossible to resist, but completely harmless. The world record is one mare discovered a huge patch of it and ate an estimated eleven kilograms of it. Didn’t hurt her at all other than the tummy ache and she had no memory of the entire day and the next couple days.”
“Does anypony cultivate it?”
“What part of impossible to resist wasn’t clear? Nopony even knows how it grows or propagates because it gets demolished as soon as it’s found! Let me see your eyes, Gloam.”
Twilight peered intently into each of Gloam’s eyes.
“She’s fine,” Twilight assured me, “it must have been just a single plant all by itself, or else she would have wandered home in a daze, with no idea where she’d been today. Now go get cleaned up, sweetie, you look like you’ve been wrestling Bighoof, and I can’t have you getting pine needles in Voox’s soup again.”
Gloam hurried off to obey her father without complaint. An angry chef meant no dessert.
“So, did you say there’s catnip here too? Does it work on big cats like Abyssinians?”
“You better believe it. Capper got busted trying to booty-run five hundred grams of pure resin into Little Abyssinia a few years back.”
What a caper – all I could do is shake my head. No wonder he was always in trouble.
—
My next day of work started out quietly enough. Certainly nopony was waiting to jump me on my morning shamble. I did note that the dumpster had been emptied and there was a gratifying lack of any indication of law enforcement activity. Nopony could say that I hadn’t been defending myself, but if nopony noticed , they wouldn't be saying about it at all.
My first delivery of the morning led me back to Lyra and Bonbon’s house with the exact same cargo as my previous trip.
I left the items in the cart while I knocked on the door.
“Uh, ma’am,” I said when Lyra answered the door, “I don’t know if somepony is trying to prank you again—”
“Oh thank you for being so prompt!” she interrupted. “I don’t know who sent the delivery yesterday, but they were a genius!”
“The custard and the …?”
“Yes, of course, of course! The dildo is critical, it will hold the custard in!”
That was far too much information; I brought the delivery up to the house and ran for my sanity.
—
After work Gloam and I ventured into the woodlands beyond Ponyville. The treecover was much sparser than in the infamous Everfree Forest. There were frequent clearings, such as the one we now visited.
Gloam’s patch of horsemint was growing behind the shelter of a fallen tree, where nopony had noticed it. One corner was flattened, but I did not find the complete devastation Twilight would have led me to expect.
The scent was maddening. A fresh smell, green smell, it smelled like it should taste crisp, and bright, and out of the world.
“Does it taste as good as it smells?” I asked.
“Not really,” Gloam admitted.
I nipped the top off of one plant and chewed it analytically. Sure enough, it had little flavor of its own, mild and inoffensive. But the aroma grew stronger as I mashed it between my teeth. The urge to devour it all and roll in it and cover myself with the scent—
I shook myself.
Gloam was watching me closely.
“What?”
“I was wondering if you were going to go bonkers like dad said ponies do.”
“If you could resist it, why do you think I couldn't?”
“I thought maybe it was something about grownups.”
“Ha, rules me out, kiddo!”
“How come we can resist it?”
“Probably because humans have been modified over the years to weed out addictive traits. You inherited the improved genetics from me, and we both retained the upgrade when we turned pony.”
“What should we do with the horsemint?”
“Become famous for documenting it’s growth cycle? I bet that if we could produce it at will, we’d make a killing.”
“Mommmm. Are either of us botanists?”
“No. But we are a couple of tricky little ponies. Let’s sketch up what it looks like, and see what we can figure out about its growth habits.”
The patch appeared to be spreading: smaller plants at the edge must be the more-recent growth and taller plants were thick in the centre. Not only were we able to draw pictures of the mature plants, we also saw what the first leaves on a new sprout looked like despite spring being a good ways off yet. We documented the seed pods, and collected a hooffull of the tiny flat seeds found therein. If the stuff was as irresistible as Twilight said, I wouldn’t be drying bundles of it in my secret room where ponies could possibly smell it, though I might brew up a decoction that could be safely sealed in glass, much like the blandwort extract I hoped to market to my favorite zebra shaman who would know whether there was any safe use for that herb.
“Hey, Mom, do you think Zecora would have any use for horsemint?” Gloam asked, reaching a logical question slightly ahead of me.
“Gloam,” I said, “you know what?”
“What?”
“This is why I like to hang out with the smart kids. That’s a wonderful idea!”
“Can we go visit today?” she asked, beaming.
“I don’t know if she’s back from Zebronica, but we can sure try.”
We gathered a good bundle of the more mature plants, stems and leaves, taking time to strew another hooffull of seeds in another sheltered corner where a new patch might start. Gloam’s pack (“in case I find anything cool ”) was stuffed full.
Rather than cut through Ponyville, I led a circuitous route to avoid the risk of ponies smelling Gloam’s cargo and going bonkers.
“We’d better stash your pack in the woods near her house and ask if it’s safe to bring it in. If she’s even home, that is. Ishaz should be able to resist it as well as we can, but I don’t know if Zecora will be able to resist this stuff.”
We kept to the woods, and scurried quickly across any road we needed to cross. Soon we transitioned from spotty woodlands into the deeper shade of the Everfree Forest.
As we slipt through the trees on our way to the hollow tree hut, I gestured for Gloam to halt. I could just hear singing, drawing nearer until we could make out the words.
“…stab, stab, stabby-stab
The singer rounded a curve in the path: we had nowhere to hide.
"Oh!” Fluttershy stopped singing. ”Hello, Gloam and Tangent, how nice to see you here. Did you like my little song?”
“It was funny, Miss Fluttershy!” my daughter said before I could stick my hoof in it by mentioning just how disturbing The Stabby Song had been.
“Of course, one might wonder,” Fluttershy said, “what would have ponies skulking around the forest like they were up to no good, hmmm?”
“Well, exactly,” Gloam said earnestly. She appeared to be managing one of Ponyville’s most unsettling ponies very smoothly. “But I’m sure that you have a good explanation for yourself.”
“Oh, um, well, um, I’ve been foraging supplies for the critters.”
I’d personally find that explanation more calming if I didn’t know that some of ‘the critters’ were obligate carnivores. What, exactly, was she foraging?
But Fluttershy was discomfited to have the tables turned on her so suddenly, and Gloam tried to sooth her with warm conversation.
“How many foals are you and Mister Discord going to have when you get married, Miss Fluttershy?” she asked.
It was a nice, friendly, topic and the tone of Fluttershy’s response seemed at odds with the question.
“What? ”
“I’m sure he’ll be a great father,” I said, trying to help out. “He’s great with kids.”
“Yeah, he’s fun! And I can foal-sit for you when I’m not away at school.”
This last was apparently too much and Fluttershy rushed at Gloam like she was going to attack.
I stepped between my daughter and the charging yellow mare and got a hoof upside the head for my trouble.
“Hay now!” I protested.
“I told that bastard I’m not harboring his vile grubs in my body!” Fluttershy snarled, trying to get around me. “How dare he enlist you two to try to change my mind!”
“Calm down!” I didn’t know how our harmless chatter had triggered such rage, but I wasn’t letting her near Gloam. “We don’t know what you’re talking about, we were just being friendly!”
Fluttershy charged again, this time using her wings to accelerate. If I hadn’t used a bit of earthpony teluric magic to help me hold my ground, she would have bowled me over when she crashed into me.
“Go friendly yourself in the ass with a stick!” she shouted. “Discord should know better than to ever mention foals to me again.”
“He didn’t have anything to do with this, we were making conversation and you go get all psycho!”
“Bullshit he didn’t—”
Something sailed over my shoulder and smacked Fluttershy right on the nose. It was a hank of the horsemint we had collected.
Fluttershy froze as the smell penetrated her anger. A moment later she was snarfing the herb down, oblivious to Gloam and me.
As soon as the first clump was gone, Gloam started to get ready for another throw. Before she could, Fluttershy charged again and this time she used her wings to sail over my head. Gloam wisely dropped her pack and retreated.
Instead of opening the top of the pack, Fluttershy took the literal shortest route and tore the bottom open with her teeth. A moment later she had a large enough hole for most of her entire head to disappear inside, with the sound of munching emerging.
“What do we do now?” Gloam whispered.
I wasn’t sure, either.
So I sat on her.
I’m not a big pony, but neither is Fluttershy, and with her head buried in Gloam’s pack, she was ill prepared to fight me off. Instead of struggling she continued to gulp down horsemint.
If we kept her immobilized until the herbal effects kicked in, the conflict would be over.
By the time the last of the horsemint was gone, it was in full effect and Fluttershy was dazed and giggling, poking her nose out the top of the damaged pack. She didn’t even try to stand when I got up.
Gloam retrieved her ruined pack and Fluttershy just lay there blinking – she looked up, seeing Gloam and me staring at her.
“Hee, hee, hee, I lost my shit again, didn’t I?”
Hay, at least somepony thought it was funny.
I touched the side of my face. I was bruised and my hoof came away bloodied – Fluttershy laughed louder at that.
She didn’t even mind that the horsemint was gone, she was too wasted to care now.
“Sor-ry,” she said in a very unrepentant sing-song.
“You know, who you really owe an apology to is Discord. You assumed the worst about him without evidence, and you disparaged him in front of his friends. Can you imagine how hurt and embarrassed he would be?”
Despite her intoxicated state, my words reached her and her mood flipped.
”Oh, Dissy, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, suddenly inconsolable.
From above came a sudden streak of azure and Rainbow Dash landed nearby.
“What happened here?” she demanded.
“We asked Fluttershy about her plans for foals with Discord and she flipped out.”
Dash smacked her forehead.
“D’oh! Didn’t Twilight warn you guys not to mention foals? Party foul! Is Fluttershy okay?”
“She charged me and then we—” I started.
“She ate a bunch of horsemint and now she’s too high to fight,” Gloam glossed over the source of the vegetative fight ender.
Fluttershy was still weeping, looking up with huge, sad, eyes.
“I’m a bad pony,” she said, heartbroken.
“Yeah, I can see she’s wasted. Listen, listen—” Dash herded Gloam and me a few lengths away from Fluttershy and lowered her voice to a whisper “—guys, listen, ‘Shy is my bestie from school. Please don’t tell anypony she did this, okay?”
“I want to talk to Twilight, but otherwise, not a word.”
“No rat,” Gloam agreed.
“Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’ll take it from here, it’s not the first time I’ve had to haul her weepy ass home.” She trotted back to Fluttershy’s side. “I got you, you big yellow dope. Can you stand?”
“Let’s skip zebras for now,” I said as Rainbow helped Fluttershy to her hooves. “We need to go talk to your father.”
Solemnly she nodded her agreement.
—
“Uh, Princess?”
“Hi, Dad!”
Twilight was reading when we returned to the castle.
“What happened to you two?”
“Fluttershy,” Gloam said.
Twilight waited for more information.
“So apparently she doesn’t want to have foals,” I said.
“Yeah, I knew that.”
“We didn’t. And we voiced the opinion that Discord would be a good father.”
Twilight smacked her forehead.
“D’oh!” she said. “You didn’t.”
“It didn’t go well.”
“So I see. Lemme get your face taken care of.” Warmth and magic flowed through her touch, and the pain in my face was soon gone. “Gloam, do you need anything, honey?” When Gloam shook her head, no, Twilight asked, “What happened?”
“Full on beast mode, it wasn’t pretty. Then we fed her a buncha horsemint until she was too dopey to fight any more.
“How did you do that?”
“She was trying to get past me towards Gloam and Gloam chucked a bunch of it right at her. Once her attention was on the mint, we fed it all to her and she chorked it down.”
“But how? I mean, if you and Gloam had horsemint, wouldn’t you have eaten it first?”
“It, er, doesn’t work on us,” I confessed. “We harvested some, Gloam’s pack was full of it when Fluttershy attacked.”
“What?”
“It smells really good,” Gloam said, “but we can resist.”
“You rolled in it, yesterday,” Twilight pointed out.
”That was a first-timer mistake. I know better now.”
“How can you two resist, Tangent? Why?”
“Do you remember doing cocaine at the dance club on Terra? That stuff used to be addictive to humans. The government gave all kinds of drugs away for free for centuries until the addiction trait Darwinned itself out of the gene pool. (And it’s not free anymore!) Apparently it holds true other recreational chemicals, for us, even though we are ponies now.”
“Ok, ok, now I understand how Gloam had a pack full of horsemint. What happened then?”
“Rainbow Dash showed up, and she’s taking care of Fluttershy.”
“Good move, leaving her with another pegasus. Dash in particular, since they’re close. And Dash won’t blab about her bestie going berserk again.”
“‘Again,’ she says,” I said. “I really hope Fluttershy doesn’t remember any of this.”
“She won’t, not after eating that much. She’ll probably lose all recollection of today, and if she’s got a tummy full of it, tomorrow might not register very much on her memory either. Do you want to make a complaint?”
“Not really, Princess. Not unless you think there’s some way that doing so is going to help her with her anger issues.”
“Nuh-uh, not when she won’t even remember what she did. It’s not going to Discord any good either to drag her into court.”
“I think we let this slide. Agreed?” I asked Gloam.
“I agree,” she said. “But that was kinda scary at first.”
“That was smart, using the horsemint,” Twilight said. “Speaking of which, if you can resist it, why were you packing a bunch of it around?”
“We were going to see if Zecora was back, and ask if she has any use for the stuff.”
“Hmm, I don’t know enough shamanistic potioncraft to know if it’s useful to her, but you do need to get a Forager’s Permit if you’re going to be supplying her with dangerous herbs.”
“Can I get one, too?” Gloam asked.
“’Fraid not, until you’re older. But I’m sure you can go foraging with your mother.”
“You sure can!” I said with a grin. “And I guess we’ll get you a new pack before you start classes.”
“Can I fix this one?” she asked. “If I patch it with different fabric inside the tear, it’ll look hella battle hardened!”
I looked to Twilight and Twilight shrugged. Gloam was good to go.
“Hey, Twilight,” I said, “since the horsemint is such a hit, there’s also a Terran plant called horseradish, and I’m going to try to get my hooves on it. Do you wanna try it when I get some?”
“We have horseradish, Tangent, I know what it is,” she said.
“Just in case, we should compare notes to make sure we’re talking about the same thing. I can make you a big ol’ sammich of it, and you can let me know if it’s the same stuff.”
“No need, I can describe it just fine. Horseradish is particularly pungent, almost... rancorous.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
As I clocked off work the next day, Gallry wafted by to talk.
“I heard back from the stores where Widow Haldred shops at. We can get her some supplies tomorrow.”
“Great! I’ll see you in the morning.”
“I’ve only got you on morning routes tomorrow. You can take a long lunch and do her stop last, in case you need any extra time. Have a good afternoon, Tangent.”
“Got it. ‘Afternoon, boss.”
—
“I always assumed that someday I was gonna have to do the scary big brother act for some poor pony who wanted to marry Twily, but it’s obviously too late for that.”
Shining Armor and I were each on our third beverage before he spoke to me. Other than the spare invitation, “You. Me. Booze,” uttered on the sidewalk as I left work, he hadn’t said a word until now.
“It’s good to finally meet you. I know if I don’t make a good impression on Twilight’s favorite brother she might divorce me.”
I had followed without question, matching him drink for drink as we sat at The Thirsty Groundwalker, a working class drinkery in the light industrial zone of Ponnyville.
“Funny pony,” he said. “I don’t think my opinion carries that much weight any more. ‘Sides, you haven’t said anything I object to yet.”
I kept my mouth closed, lest I inadvertently say something he objected to.
“Twily never told me how you two ended up married. I’m guessing she did her little forbidden sexual switcheroo spell, knocked you up, a secret wedding at the justice ‘peace, and then you got bounced into another time stream?”
“Close,” I said, giving thanks and payment to the bar stallion who had delivered another round on my shout. “You got the sequence wrong. Her Highness married us while your sister was knocking me up.”
“Crazy shit, pone. That kid sister of mine has more magic in one fetlock than the entire arcane branch of the military. Did you know she once accidentally gave our mother a mustache and turned my mane into a patch of flowers? I think Dad managed to dodge that one. This was when she was like, I dunno, six or sumpthin.”
“We don’t use magic much where I came from, so pardon me if this is a dumb question. When a foal messes up like that, do you have professionals to fix it? Did your mom have to go to a magic doctor to fix the ‘stache?”
“Fix it? She still has it!”
“I call bullshit. I’ve met your mom.”
He chuckled.
“Sure, sure, there are professionals that fix junior magic mishaps. But since mom and dad are both skilled magic users, they would usually work with Twily and help her fix her own messes. I think that’s part of why she’s so crazy good at magic in addition to just being batshit powerful. All that practice fixing her own dang mistakes ended up teaching her way more than big brother who never caused so many problems in the first place.”
“That’s cool. Your parents are really nice.”
“Well I like them,” Shining said, and then added, almost conspiratorially, “but then again, they raised me.”
“No, I’m serious, in spite of that, they’re great ponies.”
“Smartass. What about your family?”
“Uh, pretty dysfunctional. I’ve only met my sire once. My dam was awful when I was a kid, but just before I came back to Equestria I ran into her and I guess she’s doing better with treatment and therapy. I haven’t talked to any of my sisters in years.”
“Sisters, huh?” He nudged me with a conspiratorial air. “Do they screw?”
“I imagine so, if you can afford it. They’re all courtesans like my mother. Maybe not quite as expensive.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Big weather, huh? How about that sports team ? Doing thething with a ball?”
“I played hoofball in high school but I don’t follow professional sports, pone.”
“Me neither.” I drank again. “Obviously.”
I had my back to the TV showing what was apparently the big game and hadn’t even glanced at it.
“Cady wanted me to get Twilly to break up with you.”
“What?” I sputtered, spraying beer but missing Shining. “Lady Hel bless me, why in her name does she want that? And why would you even tell me that, dude?”
“Because I want my sister to be happy. What do you know about my wife?”
“Well, I had always thought that she was in charge of family type love, and sweet, innocent, romantic love, but unless Twilight has been pulling my tail, it sounds like her role is a lot more sexual.”
“You could say that things around her get pretty moist,” he observed dryly. “I think the only reason she got with me is because she wanted access to Twilight, to match-make for Celestia’s star pupil. I already was crazy for Cady and somehow she ended up falling for me, too. She still lays anything that moves, but I’m the one she sticks with. She’salso driven to micromanage ponies’ relationships, but if she thinks she can mess with Twilight’s love life, I think she’s in way over her head. Twilight’s magic is further above Cady than Cady is above somepony like me. Trouble is, some ponies aren’t always forthright about the games they play, and for you to survive this game, you need to know what you’re up against.”
“Thanks for the intel, you’re a good pony, Shining. Did she really think she could make that choice for Twilight?”
“Unfortunately, yes. I’ll tell you sumpin. You have to swear by yer balls not to repeat this.”
“I hate secrets.”
“Okay, so don’t swear. But if you repeat this, there will be negative outcomes. Can we agree that you don’t want to do that?”
“Yessir.”
“Belay the ‘sir’ shit until you join the buckin’ army, okay? Anyway, shortly before I think she took up with you, I’m telling you that I totally caught Twily checking me out.”
Ouch. He had noticed, but I wasn’t about to confirm that he was correct.
“I didn’t say anything at the time, but when I talked to my wife hoping for some understanding and wisdom, her reaction was approval. She wanted to recruit Dad too, so he and I could give sis a ritual ‘breaking in’.”
“That’s messed up, dude.”
“Yeah, I put my hoof down that time, and she’s still pissy about it. Cadance considers herself to be the final arbiter of consent, but I thought that was over the line.”
“Agreed. But I refuse to accept Princess Mi Amore as an enemy. If she thinks she knows anything about love, well she better just watch the Princess and me, we’ll show her what love means !”
“I’ll drink to that. Two shots!” he shouted, “make’m doubles!”
The bartender was on the spot with two large shot glasses, filling them to the top, although Shining hadn’t said with what.
“Cadance is a good pony too, she’s just wrong this time. You and Twilly.” He raised a glass.
“Twilight and me,” I agreed.
The anonymous liquor seemed to be some kind of sour mash whiskey, somewhat on the young side. I shuddered as it went down in one gulp. I might have been starting to feel the effects of the beers I’d had, but now I felt invigorated, shrugging off any trace of my former intoxication.
“Not bad. What was that?”
“Dunno. Some kind of hill-style oat whiskey, I’d say from the taste. You can visit any small town bar in Equestria and just ask for a shot without saying what you want and you’ll get some local concoction. Usually about eighty proof; probably doesn’t have a name, or a tax stamp.”
“Whoa. Gotta catch them all.”
“That’s right,” he chuckled, and stood. “Hey, sorry to ditch you, pone, but Imma go stink up the john. Had a thirteen layer seven layer burrito for lunch. Back in a while.”
“Say hi to Shiutlnoozleweynq, the Aztec god of flatulence,” I joked, lamely.
“You clearly haven’t had enough to drink. Buy yourself one on my tab.” He raised his voice. “Lenny, I’m buying him a drink on my tab. And pour me a another beer in about twenty minutes, I’ll be back.”
I probably wouldn't have bothered but the bartender was still right there and ready to take my order.
“What’ll it be, sir? His tab.”
The bartender smirked, assuming I’d pick something fancy.
“Bring me one of those tankards, full of the house booze, and some lemon wedges, please.”
Lenny was intrigued, but delivered the order without question.
“Let me show you how this is done.”
I tipped my head back, lemon at my nostril and tankard at my lip. Slowly I squeezed the stinging lemon juice into my nose and began to drink…
—
…galloping flashing gems red and blue police siren shortcut unfamiliar alleyway doubling back crouched under a wagon as the patrol rush past night is silent again fading to song and raising another tankard…
—
“…are you going to work today, or should I have somepony call you in sick?”
“Behhh urg mmndt,” I groaned as articulately as I could.
“Should I call you in dead ?”
I was sure I was hearing Twilight’s voice, but I didn’t remember returning to Ponyville Castle, nor dying and going to heaven. The dying, I could believe.
“I gotta run,” she said, “but are you okay? My brother poured you into bed about an hour ago. When he stopped by the castle before picking you up yesterday, he said you guys would be out late – it’s almost time for you to get up. I think he’s still got his head in a toilet.”
“Yeah?” I croaked.
“Technically, even though you blacked out, that probably means you won.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
With Twilight to leaving, sans moi , on a friendship mission, today was a golden opportunity. Unwilling to waste the chance on a hangover day I forced myself to get moving. I needed to find out how things were going on Gallop and I really needed to let Eric know that I was alright.
First, I checked on my brother in law. Shining was done barfing, sleeping on the bathroom floor, cuddled up with one foreleg hugged around a toilet.
He was still wearing a strangely familiar police mare’s cap. He certainly hadn’t started the evening with any such accessory.
I flushed, washed up, and went looking for a couple of off duty guards to help me carry him to a spare bunk in the garrison quarters. I tossed the hat onto a convenient traffic cone before summoning enlisted ponies to move the general. It’s one thing to say that a high ranking officer is passed out. It’s another to say that he’s passed out and looks silly.
Before leaving the castle, I breakfasted on a hoofful of aspirin washed down with cold, black, coffee. I was wobbly enough that I didn’t dare sweeten it.
By mid-day I was feeling somewhat like a pony again. I finished my morning deliveries early, and set about gathering another load instead of heading to my scheduled lunch. Working in home delivery fit in with my plan to travel to another world without revealing my power. Nopony blinked an eye at my purchases – my bits were as good as the company cash I used for official transactions. Buying two whole barrels of cider raised eyebrows at Sweet Apple Hectares, but hopefully Applejack wouldn’t talk about it. With a good cartload of supplies, I took the forest road out of town. Alone in the woods I could open the portal without being seen.
“Goddesses and their machinations,” I sighed to myself.
—
On Gallop, it appeared to be late morning, and it was warmer than any of my previous trips. My original encampment looked largely unchanged. The fruit trees were taller, and the shack looked weather worn but otherwise there might have been no timeslip between worlds. Of course, beyond the trees I could see a growing city, much larger than the simple beachhead colony I had last seen.
The park itself was deserted other than one man hurrying across the open circle – he spotted me just as I saw him. He dropped his tools and ran towards me.
“Guy!”
“Tanna, you’re alive!”
We hugged a greeting.
“How is everybody?”
“Thriving! We are thriving! There have been over eighty births and only seven deaths. Diva and I have a third, now.”
I broke the hug when I felt something erecting behind the breachcloth that formed the bulk of his attire.
“Congratulations! And save that for Diva, big fella, you feel ready for number four,” I laughed as I slipped out of his embrace.
He chuckled and adjusted himself. “Who’s your blond friend?” he asked.
I certainly didn’t mean to bring any blond friends with me but I could make a pretty confident guess who it might be.
I looked back at my wagon and saw a muscular, bronzed, golden-haired amazon standing up from behind my cargo of cider. I was just opening my mouth to chastise her for sneaking along with me but as her shoulders rose above the top of the casks…
“Great googlie mooglies an’ lawks a marcy, a stow-away Apple, and lookit those gazoombas!”
“Gazoomba you Tangent Sparkle!” said Applejack as she turned slightly, pointing her substantial breasts directly at me, “why the buck are you a female?”
“Helloooooo, Apples, I am a mother, you’ve met my foal, it stands to figure I am a mare sometimes. Give me one good bucking reason not leave you here when I go home.”
Applejack grabbed her hat from behind the kegs where she had been hiding.
“Now why in tarnation would you even joke about doing that to me?”
She was climbing down from the cart – true blond, those pale curls didn’t hide anything .
“B- B- Because, uh, I have to keep my powers secret, for the safety of Equestria! This is important, dagnabit.”
“Who told you that?”
“The holy one told me, Applejack, my first time in Equestria, I—”
Awareness fell away before I could finish my sentence.
—
I woke to find myself lying face down on a soft surface.
“Boobies,” I mumbled.
“Y’okay down thar, sugarcube?” Applejack spoke in her rolling drawl.
“Yer smotherin’ me,” I said dreamily.
Applejack’s strong hands took my shoulders to lift me, but when I threw my arms around her and pulled my face back to her cleavage she didn’t resist.
“I didn’t ask ya to stop smotherin’ me,” I said from the warm depths, “What happened?”
“She spoke to me, the goddess did, through you, you did the blank eyes thing like Fluttershy does and everything. I ain’t gonna breathe a word of what I learned to nopony, nohow. She tol’ me a powerful lot o’ secrets, tol’ me that you serve under her command to save ‘Questria. And she tol’ me to take care of you when I can. So when she left and you were unconscious I tried to keep ya comfy.”
I rolled off of her, sat up. We were still on Gallop, lying in the shade of the firepit shelter.
“Hella comfy, thanks. Any message for me?”
“She says– uh, she says your obedience gives her faith that things jes’ might work out alright. But she didn’t say what things.”
What could this mean? I thought the holy one was above such worries.
“Was I out long?”
Applejack beamed as she answered, “Jes’ long enough for me to get used to it. The guy we met ran off to fetch some folks.”
“Guy is his name, hon. He’s married to my niece, I helped them land their starship on this world.”
“A star ship?”
Before I could tell her what little I knew about the history of spaceflight and interplanetary colonization, Dr. Howe appeared leading a group towards the shelter. I saw that the trend of little to no clothes was common. Howe herself wore an open demi-vest –which seemed to be more about pockets full of pens and pencils than covering her breasts because it didn’t really– and a narrow strip of fabric hanging from the front of her tool belt. Everybody seemed to wear a tool belt; whether they wore more seemed entirely a matter of individual preference.
“Dr. Howe,” I greeted her. “This is my friend Applejack.”
“Pleased, doc,” Applejack said, offering a hand.
“Just Diane, please.” She shook AJ’s hand and kissed me. “We’ve been so worried! You sent all those people through and never showed up. Your brother said that the ‘enforcers’ were after you, guns blazing. He ought be here soon, I sent a messenger for him when I heard you were here.”
“I’m fine, it was a little hairy for a while, but we all made it to Equestria.”
“Are Isha and Gloam safe?”
“Yes! Gloam is going to study magic at the School for Gifted Unicorns at the Royal Academy of Magic, and Ishaz is with a jungle alchemist, probably soon to be wed.”
“She’s not with you?”
“My husband returned at last, please tell me Eric mentioned that?”
“He mentioned, but I didn’t know how things worked out after nine years. I hope he had a good excuse for abandoning you.”
“How long has it been here since Eric arrived? A few years?”
“About four and a half l local years; five Terran years.”
“Sounds about right. I’ve only been in Equestria for five weeks, Diane. There’s a timeslip between this universe and the place where Equestria is.”
“Timeslip? So are you saying that you weren’t abandoned?”
“Far from it. Twilight came for me as soon as possible.”
“I shall update my opinion of Twilight. I must confess I have dreamt of nothing more than than to officiate your marriage to Isha and welcome your family to our colony.”
“That’s no longer necessary, or even possible. I am five weeks into ‘happily ever after’ and nothing will separate me from Twilight ever again. But I did need to let you know that we’re okay.”
“Thank you for coming to see us when you’re still getting acclimated to your happily ever after. We still have so much to learn, but we love ,” she said the word fiercely, “our home.”
“Did everybody assimilate well?”
“Your artists? They have been priceless! Our cultures have grown together and we are much stronger. All the Longshot ships left with pre-written constitution based on what was politic vogue at launch time. Garny’s crew had a lot to say about what went wrong on Terra, and we had a handful of amendments to cover some specific failure modes in place by the second winter. Let’s go find Eric, I’m afraid I don’t have the greatest confidence in the young lady I asked to fetch him.”
Diane led Applejack and me towards the city that was springing up outside my circle of apple trees.
“Those trees ain’t look so happy,” Applejack groused as we left the park.
“Don’t be a sour apple, Apples,” I said, “I didn’t know what I was doing when I planted them.”
“Hold on, Tanna. Now miss, with a name like Applejack, and those apple tattoos of yours, may I assume you know a thing or two about apples?”
“Yes ma’am, Ah farm ‘bout three hunert hectares of apple orchard back home. I know you can’t control the climate, but these here’d do better with less basic soil, I can tell you that just by lookin’ at’m.”
“Would you be willing to consult with our head horticulturist? We appreciate the fruit they produce and want to take care of them.”
“It’d be mah pleasure to try ‘n help out. I hate to see apple trees not living up to their potential.” Her voice dropped to a mumble. “Them other trees too.”
At the edge of town Diane handed Applejack off to Annie Twogreen, the horticulturalist, with the admonition that Annie had three days to become an apple expert.
—
The city now consisted of a couple hundred hundred buildings; dwellings, workplaces, shops, and some light industry. I noted that native materials were organically intermixed with prefab panels and sections of ship hull. A few buildings appears to be made entirely of local wood and stone.
Diane smiled when she saw me looking around.
“Welcome to First City. Even though we picked the name before we left Terra, a lot of people wanted to change plans and name it after you.”
“I’m just a regular pony like everyone else…”
“We’re not ponies!” she laughed “I know what you mean, but you’re wrong. If I accept your argument that almost anybody would have tried to save us, it’s still true that not just anybody could save us. Please accept that we revere you.”
“Okay, okay, when do I pose for the statue?”
“We don’t have materials yet, but if you could let us get some photos we plan to put the statue in front of the capital building.”
“I was kidding.”
“I’m not, I’ll have one of the ladies grab a camera later and you can strike a pose. Did you bring any more high tech goodies?”
“Not this time. I haven’t dared visit Terra and technologically Equestria is a blend of the sixteen hundreds and the nineteen hundreds.”
“I’m not a historian, whats that mean in practical terms”
“Current predominant technologies are stuff like the electric light, telegraph, and chemical based cameras. Steam power and muscle power are still more common than internal combustion. High tech like Radio and TV exist, but are in their infancies, even the telegraph service is far from universal. Most ponies still use magic or fire for light, electricity is less common.”
“That’s fine, you’ve done more for us than we can ever repay.”
“It’s your blood, sweat, and tears that are building a civilization.”
“Other bodily fluids too!” she said merrily. “Our population is growing! Eighty-three births and two dozen families are currently expecting. What’s on the wagon?”
“Food and seeds mostly. I had no idea how well you’d be getting on here. Also a few barrels of hard cider. Party for all tomorrow?”
The rotunda itself was still an inflatable dome, now patched in several places. But more permanent structures had grown up for government functions, including a tidy little presidential residence, which Diane led us to.
“Approved! By presidential decree. And here’s your brother. Look who we found in Founder’s Park!”
“Tanna!” Eric jumped up from the console where he was working, knocking chairs over in his rush to sweep me into a bear hug, lifting my feet well clear of the ground. “I thought they got you!”
“Sorry for the wait, bro.” I held my arms around him, returned his hug. “This was my first chance, I’ve been busy in Equestria.”
Eric set me down again. “Five years busy?” he asked. “What’s going on, a fuckin’ world war?”
“Remember the timeslip? My first trip to Equestria was two weeks for me and two years on Terra. So yeah, it’s only been a few weeks for me since I helped you escape.”
“How did you get out? It looked pretty bad when you didn’t follow after us.”
“Bear caused a major chaos for a distraction.”
“What did you do, Bear?” Eric addressed himself to my satchel.
“I turned off every major source of electricity on the planet, dispersed most of the military, and took all government coms offline. For a few hours I was running the whole world except for the Enforcer foot solders chasing Tanna around the city.”
“That’d do it. And it takes three days before you can use the portal spell again?”
“Yes, sorta, it’s complicated. But the goddess of ponies had promised that her sister would aid me: Gaia herself opened a gate to Equestria next day after I sent you here.”
“Praise be! And thank you for saving my life. Far more importantly, to me at least, thank you for saving my daughter and grandkids and girlfriend.”
“It’s a small universe! Hey, wait, girlfriend?”
Diane Howe had sidled up to Eric and put her arm around him.
“I had a lot riding on that ship. And I never expected to see any of them again after the collision.”
“What are the odds of them heaving into orbit just when Isha and I were looking at the stars?”
“All fired up about some amateur astronomy?”
He laughed when I blushed.
“I thought so. Is Isha okay now that you and Twilight have reconnected?”
“She got over me. Suddenly! She and this witchy zebra mare fell for each other really hard. It was like divine matchmaking.”
“What happened?” asked Diane.
“When Aphrodite told Ish’ to keep her hands off me, the command was that Isha was to hold out for ‘even better’. Those were Zeccy’s first words when she met Isha. It was pretty much a forgone conclusion as soon as their eyes met. I think they’re just working out the details now.”
“I’m so glad for her,” Eric said. “I know she did a lot to keep you going, so I’m glad she didn’t get left out in the cold by your good fortune when you got back with Twilight.”
“Oh, and she turned into a stallion when we went to Equestria, so we call Isha ‘Ishaz’ now. Nopony knows why that happened, but I’m sure they’re gonna happy together.”
“How’s Gloam?”
“She’s great, she’s going to go to the School for Gifted Unicorns. She helped put down a rebellion and saved me and Twilight with magic and iron. She’s powerful – with no real training she came close to demolishing Canterlot Castle.”
“Give her a hug from uncle Eric, okay?”
“Um, actually no. I can’t. I have to keep my use of magic secret. Direct command from the goddess herself. So I can’t tell anypony I’ve been here, because if they start asking questions about my power it could lead to trouble.”
“What about Applejack?” Diane asked. “She obviously knows.”
“The goddess swore Apples to secrecy for our cause. I don’t have the authority to do that. Eric, I gotta ask you something.”
“Sure, Sis.”
“You were there. You lived through it. You remember. How many Longshot ships were really launched?”
Eric chuckled.
“Nine, as you’ve must have heard, judging from your question. For the first forty-ish years the news included updates for the remaining eight flights after the Seven was lost. And then Eight and Nine just faded and the news started talking about the launch as being seven ships with six surviving. As that generation died out, old records were ‘corrected, and within a century it was impossible to find any trace of the last two.”
“When Guy told me his sister was on the Nine, I about fainted.”
“I bet you did! There was a rumor before launch of an experimental propulsion system on two ships but whatever happened, it was well silenced. I don’t even have any hints to share.”
“That's some impressive security. I know you were well connected.”
“I guess I was. Hey, you should check in with Eric and Leslie.”
“Eric the security guy? Is he Leslie’s pre-launch boyfriend?”
“Yep, you should add pan-galactic matchmaker to your titles. They’re doing their best to create their own sub-colony of children born nine months and ten minutes apart.”
Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony
Applejack and I would spend the night on Gallop in a guest cottage improvised from a prefab storage shed. It wasn’t fancy: you don’t get many guests this far into deep space and we hadn’t called ahead. The only horizontal surfaces besides the floor were crates of machine parts. We had been left enough blankets to make ourselves comfortable, but nobody had thought to offer bathing facilities. In spite of my shower this morning while Shining Armor slept on the bathroom floor, it might be nice to freshen up before sleep.
“Hey, Applejack, I’m going skinny dipping down in the crick, clean up a little. Coming?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for a world.”
She grabbed her hat from some clunky machine she had appointed to hat stand duty.
“You don’t need that to go splash around in the water.”
“Ah feel nekkid without it.”
“You are stark naked and have been all day. Getting shy now?”
She chuckled, but she kept the hat.
As we walked through the dark town and towards the water, I asked Applejack if she could swim.
“Sho ‘nuf Ah cain. Is it deep?”
“Not very,” I said and broke into a run, shouting, “but the last one in is a rotten egg!”
She almost caught up by the time I reached the jumping bank. I went over without breaking stride and pulled my knees to my chest.
“Cannon ball!” I yelled.
“Yee-Haw!” Applejack called, right behind me, one hand holding her hat on as she plunged towards the water.
She hit the surface an instant after me and our combined splash was phenomenal.
By the time I floated back to the surface, she was out of the water on the far shore, and dancing from foot to foot.
“Too cold for you?” I asked with a laugh. I should have looked for towels before dragging her down to the cold crick.
“Naw, I gotta pee! What’s the hydrology of this place like?”
“The what?”
“How far do Ah need to go so Ahm not widdlin’ in the water supply? Come on, Ahm fixing to bust a leak.”
“Oh, wow, power of suggestion, now I gotta go too,” I said, walking out of the water. “Up by the trees should be far enough.”
Behind a shrub we squatted and made water.
“Ah’ll race yah back t’ crick!” she shouted, already running ahead…
—
Back at our glorious shed we spread blankets on two of the larger crates at either end of the narrow space, and bedded down.
“Hey Tanna,” Applejack said after I turned out the light, “so about the star ship.”
“Well you see—”
“Hold on, sugarcube, indulge me for a moment. Ah learned a bit today, and Ah bin thinkin’. You know, Ah got a little of the sea in my blood, though you might never know if Ah di’n’t tell ya so.
“Now, logic tells me the stars must a sight further away than anywhere a sea ship sails. If they wun’t really distant, the constellations ‘d change from summer to winter due t’ par’llax effect of planetary motion. To cross distances like that, a ship must have sails larger than my entire orchard and masts like the world tree. Whole forests would be felled, replanted, and felled again to build the hull—”
“Actually, they’re made of metal, you’ve seen pieces—”
“Nuh-uh. Let me finish spinning a fantasy before you get boring and tell me about the real thing. Ah see a mare like you, strong and beautiful, out on the bowsprit watching for somewhere to land, but with the captain and crew gone then ship speeds blindly across the sea of stars, off course and off the charts. She watches as nebula scud overhead, and void whales breach abeam. The great sail aloft clutches the galactic trade winds, and below the keel lies a deepness beyond knowing.”
We lay in the dark – I wasn’t sure if she was done and ready for me to tell what I could about real space travel. I thought I heard her sit up on her crate.
Then, slowly Applejack began to chant.
“Lost on a sea without measure – lost out beyond Saturn’s headland
in endless night
blindly she hove into harbor – blindly to rocks with no pilot
the mainsails furled
now plunging into the air – air swept by golden wings
I sat in silence for several minutes before I could say anything.
“Well,” I finally said, “it ain’t much like that at all, I don’t know who’s been giving you history and spaceflight lessons!”
“A kid named Jefferson on the trees and gardens team.”
“Did he tell you all the crazy parts, or did you just make up the best of it?”
“The worst of it, I reckon.”
“Figures. But shoot, mare, you got a way with words there. You’re a poet!”
“Well, mebbe I am, but don’ let nopony know it.”
“I’m serious, you have talent. But your secret is safe with me if you don’t want me to tell.”
“Thanks,” she said, “Ah knows you won’t blow it.”
“Are you doing that to mess with me, babe?”
“Ah reckon mah hooves show it.”
“Goodnight , Apples.”
—
It can’t have been more than an hour after I fell asleep before, “Sweet Hel, the traffic cone!”
I sat up, startled into full wakefulness by the realization.
“Huh, wha?” Applejack mumbled from the far end of the shed.
“Nuthin’, go back to sleep, I’m sorry.”
“Naw, ya don´t gitta wake me up and then do the ol’ ‘it was nuffin’ thing. Now what was you doin’ to the traffic cone, I want all the saucy details, y’hear?”
“I went drinking with my brother in law last night. When I crawled out of bed this morning I found him passed out in the john, wearing a police cap. But I just realized that there was a traffic cone sitting on top the other toilet and I have no bucking clue how or why it was there.”
“Hey there, buckaroo, it's not a good night out unless you get a traffic cone!”
“But it said Bolton City Public Works! That’s fifteen kilometers away.”
“I take it you colts had bit of a bender?”
“You can hardly call one little night of drinkin’ a bender.”
“What’s the last thing you remem’er?”
“I recall chugging a half litre tankard of nameless booze down at The Thirsty on fourth avenue and then things fade out. Sumpin tells me that we moved on from there, but I have no idea where we went. Yeah—” I paused to try to arrange the muddled memories “—we were running from the cops, and then we snuck down an alley and hid under a wagon. Later, there was another bar, but I don’t recognize it. And if that cop was chasing us, I wonder how’d Shiny get aholt of her hat?”
